dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Topic:**  
## When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
These days, salary tend to become the most essential factor when jobseekers select the job. They may compare each career rely on the paid. In my opinion, I totally agree with this fact.  
  
To beginning with, humans look for job since they want to make money. It is evident that everyone learns and develops themselves to find a job. Jobseeker hope that they can earn money for their life. High salary greatly upgrades the life quality. Money can help them buying food, clothes, personal stuff and also pays their bills.  
  
Furthermore, people need plenty of money to satisfy their entertains, passions and hobbies. Generally, it serves the basic human needs. Their family have a chance to live in a better house, can pursue their dreams and satisfy the needs. Their children will study in a great school and higher education quality.  
  
Secondly, it is the higher earnings the stronger motivation. In fact, the salary literally influences on the employee motivation. This factor is the energy and the reason why the employees have to go to work everyday. Worker try to work as hard as possible as a result of making the boss happy to remain the job since they obviously can not lose that salary. Employees are willing to work overtime if the employers pay more money for the extra hours.  
  
In conclusion, it is true that job hunters are affected significantly by the salary when they choose the career. And absolutely, I can not agree more. Salary can solve the necessity of life and is the work motivation for sure.  
  
Thank you so much for your kind support!
The second sentence in the first paragraph is not indicative of any line of reasoning or supporting statement in the original prompt. That makes the restatement change in discussion focus from the original. Expect scoring deductions for creating your own information not aligned with the original discussion presentation. Your extent response is correct, but lacking the 2 topic sentences that would introduce the basis of your discussion to the examiner.  
  
This is only a 4 paragraph essay. You have not followed the correct discussion format requirement. Additional point deductions will be made due to the error in format presentation. The "furthermore" statement should have been attached to the previous paragraph to create clarity for the reason you presented in that section. It would have also helped to keep your format within the required 4 paragraph discussion.  
  
Never start a sentence with a connecting word. You cannot start with "and" because the word connotes a connection between 2 thoughts in one sentence. So make sure to use a comma, never a period, when using the word "and" in a sentence. GRA point deductions will be applied for that particular error.
The survey shows that online business meetings, discussions and training are becoming more and more popular. In my opinion, although there are two aspects to this argument, I tend to believe that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.  
  
It is sensible for some people to think that online work is more convenient. This is because working online allows them to work at anytime and anywhere, they could attend more meetings and events, which is impossible without the Internet. However, I believe that they have forgotten the impact of network speed on online work. If the Internet gets stuck, their experience would be terrible because of the intermittent work. Their work's efficiency might not be improved, but also seriously decreased. This might contrary to their initial purpose and inherit the disastrous consequences.  
  
On the other hand, working face-to-face seems to be more efficient. When people contact immediately, they could detect the change of other people's behaviors and emotions, and also measure how interested someone is in what are they talking about by reading their body language, which might be significantly essential for ideal communication. For example, if someone's legs are head to the door, that means they might want to leave. We could know it once we are seated in front of them and this is unfeasible when we work online.  
  
In conclusion, I concede online works bring substantial benefits. Nevertheless, for the reasons mentioned above, I have a firm belief that the detriments of it gain the upper hand over the benefits.
The phrase used for the topic sentence is "recent research has shown". Your reference to "The survey shows" is incorrect. A more appropriate presentation would have been; "New information shows a more frequent occurrence of..." You cannot use the same reference words as the original. You will be given less score in the LR section for using cut and paste words. Build your synonym vocabulary so that you can use alternative words for the original keywords. Do not offer an opinion regarding the advantage and disadvantage because that is not being required in the presentation. You are being asked to present a comparative discussion of the advantages and disadvantages, you are not being required to present a personal opinion.  
  
Why are you conceding in the final paragraph? Again, do not present an opinion where it is not required, You will continuously receive scoring deductions because of that. The concluding paragraph should wrap up the discussion with a restatement of the previous presentation only. Nothing more, nothing less.
## Internet is probably the most significant invention of the last 30 years

  
  
People told that the internet is the most important inventions in later 30 years. If we don't have it, our life will be different. However, someone told that the internet is bad invention. In my opinion, I completely agree with point of view that the internet is wonderful invention but not at all.  
  
The internet plays an important part in our life. Firstly, internet has revolutionized the way we interact and keep in touch with each other. For example, instead of waiting a week so that we can give the letters to friend or relationship people, now we can call video live or give e-mail only some minutes. Especially , we can make friends around the world that we do not go anywhere. Moreover, in the internet societies, we can easy access to information about many fields such as education, science, technology....  
  
Beside many benefits, the internet has many disadvantages. Nowadays, some studies find out many dangerous websites in the internet. They have many unhealthy contexts such as violence , obscenity or sex. These are not suitable for children and young people. When we have internet, we tend to do our jobs in front of computer and smartphone. This affects the see sight, behavior, thereby it is very unhealthy. In addition, there is a dramatic increase in the number of cyber-crime. More and more financial crimes are committed via internet.  
  
plagiarized paragraph removed
In your introduction, you used the phrase "told that" twice and I think you should avoid that. There is a common way to open your essay is paraphasing the question. For example, in this case, you can write:"There is no doubt that Internet had totally changed our lives in every aspects. It had blurred the distances among us and help human discover new hidden potential to bring our civilization to the next level. However, this remains an argument whether Internet can be considered as the most imporant invention of the last 30 years. In my opinion, although Internet is a great invention, it is not the most important. I will explain my statement further in this ess  
  
ay"
With the plagiarized paragraph removed, the essay came in under 250 words. You only have 230 words of original content. Which means, you are going to get an automatic failing score for this essay. The score will be based on your lack of word count in relation to the minimum requirement. You are not really trying to write a paragraph that will get a passing score since you used plagiarized content for a practice essay. If you cannot write enough words in a practice test, then you should consider skipping the test altogether. The lack of ability to write original content is the evidence you need to convince yourself you are ready to take this test.
## Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes

  
  
Today, many people believe that reducing amount of tax paid by parents, who attend their children to private education, is a practical necessity. This supporting in turn will boost quality education system in their nation.  
  
However, in my opinion, I do not encourage this point of view because of having several reasons shed light on in two paragraphs below.  
  
The firstly, one of primary responsibility of government is to set up the equal policies. The minority of wealthy families who send their children to private schools, while the majority of poor citizens who have not abilities to conduct the similar thing and must contribute amount of tax per month or year for public services. That prompt the social issues in any countries, including inequality. Moreover, the pandemic Covid-19 has killed millions of people around the word and the most of them face the difficult situations such as poverty, sickness, unemployed, etc. Therefore, conducting a tax discount for rich households is not the best way to become the thriving nation. Under economic view and I am the economist, thus I denounce this solution.  
  
On the other hand, the payment amount of tax for public schools is useful and realistic. Because it confer equal opportunities for all people, particularly unfortunate life. Furthermore, it also acquires a completely mercy meaning, in which government play an initial role to increase quality workforce and bring benefits for all members of community through many choices.  
  
With that in mind, I consider that supporting a tax reduction for the minority of citizens, who are fortunate enough to send their youngsters to private education system, is an unrealistic and unequal policy. All policy makers should calculate and research this issue clearly.
Hi, I believe we come from the same country :D  
  
- What do you mean by "This supporting": Does it refer to the private education, the amount of tax, or the reduction in the amount of tax?  
  
- " because of having several reasons ... I would change it to "because of the following reasons"  
-" ~~The~~ Firstly"  
- "one of primary responsibilities"  
- "set up the equal policy" should be changed to "reduce inequality"  
- you should rewrite this sentence "The minority of wealthy ..."  
- "That prompt the social ...". This sentence does not have a subject. "prompt" should be "prompts"  
- " ~~the~~ most of them "  
-"Under economic view and I ..." This sentence is unclear. Maybe something like "As an economist, I disagree with this solution"
@Alpha Economist  
  
Many thanks Mr/Ms Alpha! I'm just not trying so hard to get high band score but pursuing the academic and so pleasure for anything revised by you...  
  
Firstly, rewriting this sentence "The minority of wealthy ...", may you help me some advice?  
  
Secondly, might you give me your name or another something, as: phone number, face book, email,...  
  
Lastly, I think I will send you a number of writing practices and hope to receive feedback from you!  
  
Nice day.
Your essay will automatically get a lower than passing score in the TA section because of your irrelevant discussion response. You are being asked to present an extent response to the given query. Yet your response does not represent the measured response with a guiding topic sentence. Therefore, your essay will be scored as having an inappropriate response, which is not a passing score in that section. As such, the main scoring consideration for your essay will start at a disadvantage. A non-passing score.  
  
The fact that you threw in a comparative discussion when the requirement was a single opinion defense essay will further ensure that this essay will not get a passing score. You need to understand how to respond to the Task 2 essays, Unless you are clearly asked to compare discussion points of view, you need to focus on defending only your personal and single point of view.
Never open a research paper or opinion paper with a quoted text of any sort. Do not use in-text citations in the first line. The first paragraph has to omit that presentation because you are still setting up the discussion points and thesis presentation. The presentation of this information should have been used in the next paragraph. You should also avoid using rhetorical questions in the presentation as it removes the academic tone of the discussion. The paragraph you wrote does not offer a clear thesis and possible solutions to the perceived problems the cost of childcare presents. This lack of proper thesis presentation means that the whole subject, topic, or point of the essay has remained non-represented in the presentation. That makes the rest of the discussion confusing to the reader who does not know what the basis of the information you are presenting is, how it is relevant to the discussion, and how it relates to the thesis statement you should have presented at the start.
## global water use by sector

  
  
The given graph illustrates the amount of water used by sector globally each year in the 20th century, while the table compares the water consumption in Brazil and Congo in 2000. Overall, it can be seen that the amount of water used in all 3 sectors worldwide sky-rocketed in this period and the water consumption in Brazil is significantly bigger than in Congo.  
  
To begin with change in global water use in the period of 1900-2000, at first, water was used mainly in agriculture, this sector used approximately 500 km3 of water while these figures of the two other sectors were nearly equal to zero. However, the rising trend was sustained year by year in every sectors. As a result, in 2000, industrial use and domestic use approached the number of 1100 km3 and 200 km3 respectively. Agriculture remained the major-used sector and consumed more than 3000 km3 of water at the end of the 20th century.  
  
Secondly, the consumption of water was not only totally different among sectors but also among countries. This difference may be brought about due to the irrigation system in each country. As we can see from the table, the area to construct irrgation system in Brazil in 2000 was about 26,500 km2, which was 265 times bigger than in Congo. Consequently, the water consumption per person was nearly 360 m3 while this number of Congo was only 8m3.  
  
Note: I am studying Ielts for the first time of my life so I may have many mistakes in my essay. Therefore, if you dont mind, it would be better for my practice when you give me a mark. Finally, I sincerely thank you for your attention and help!  
  
*   
*the graph and table*
I can review your essay and offer you useful advice. As for marking your essay, you will need to subscribe to our private review service or upgrade this posting to an URGENT thread. That is because scoring / marking essays are no longer part of our free review services. That also means that any student who scores your essay will find his account automatically suspended for forum rule violations.  
  
The task 1 essay only allots 20 minutes for its complete writing and editing. In word count, that is converted into 150-190 words. You wrote 234 words, which is almost enough for a task 2 essay. Time yourself next time. Do your best to draft, edit, and finalize your content within 20 minutes. As a beginner, you may find it difficult to do so.  
  
Try to limit your writing to the appropriate word count. Over writing and over analyzing the essay will not work to your benefit. Keep it simple, just relate the data directly. That way you will leave enough time for you to double check your work, find your errors, correct them, and hopefully, get yourself a passing score. Right now, You really need to focus on writing less, while still keeping your presentation informative and understandable to the reader.
I sincerely thank you all for your attention and replies!  
  
## virtual commerce versus traditional shopping

  
  
Due to the advent of the Internet, breakthrough of technology, trading and purchasing through the virtual environment are on the considerable increase. While the new approach is believed to have some visible concerns, the benefits it provides makes those troubles pale in comparison. Therefore, this essay will explain the justifications for the superiority of online shopping.  
  
Credibility is the fundamental principle when exchanging. Many customers get stuck in the deception of the quality of their purchased goods which are on the opposite of what they are advertised by social media-based sellers. Due to that reason, colossal companies like Tiki or Amazon in that field have tackled the problem with myriad number of supervising teams who are responsible for qualifying the product. Once the qualifying process is over, critics in comment sections about the product will re-evaluate it more precisely. Therefore, providers who are untrustworthy will be dispensed which eliminate the scams and unqualified products.  
  
Another justifiable reason raising concerns about shopping on virtual basis is outdated products. Fortunately, as the number of users on electrical commerce do not show any sign of declining, the consumption will outweigh the remaining or not-yet-purchased in warehouses conditioning new ones to fill in the blanks. In addition to that, online commerce suppliers also cooperate with offline stores to circulate the cycle of products. In short, provided that more and more people switch the conventional shopping choices to online purchasing, outdated remainings will be minimized to the rate that it is no longer to give rise to worries.  
  
In conclusion, the more popularity virtual commerce gets which is certainly inevitable in light of the worldwide spread of the Internet, the more disadvantages traditional shopping behaviors will suffer.  
  
Note: I really yearn for the points (on scale 9.0 like ielts) of this essay
You are just trying to throw together English words that you feel will score you a high score. The statement is totally unnatural in feel. It does not show your ability to use everyday English in a simple discussion presentation. Your focus on the LR aspect of scoring has caused your presentation to be confusing in content to the reader. There is a simple rule for writing the Task 2 essay that will help you score well, keep it simple. Do not try to impress the examiner with your vocabulary. That will backfire. This really sounds like you used a dictionary while you were writing. It is trying too hard to impress the examiner, who will be irritated instead. Use everyday English language, that is what will inform the examiner of your ability to make yourself understood clearly in an ordinary discussion setting.
## summarise the information from the chart

  
  
The bar chart given shows the percentage of people populated in urban areas in certain parts of the world.It is clear from a first glance that the year of 2050 in most areas is anticipated to have the highest proportion of urban dwellers when compared with the rest two years.When it comes to 1950, the highest percentage of people dwelling in urban areas were North America, accounting for 64 percent while Africa's percentage was the lowest. Followed by North America was Oceania with 62%. Quite significant proportions of urban people came to Asia, Caribbean and Europe in number increasing.North America still topped the other regions in 2007 with 79% in terms of city dwellers. Along with North America, Caribbean was the second largest percentage at 76%. People settling up in Asian, Oceania and Europe zones occupied 41%, 71% and 72%, respectively. In contrast, the lowest proportion belonged to Africa by 37%.Regarding 2050, it is assumed that the proportions of both North America and Latin American, the largest ones, will be roughly the same (89% and 90%). The urban population of Europe will be 84% and that of Oceania will get 76%. Africa is expected to repeatedly have the smallest percentage of the five countries at 62%.  
  
*
You need to write less words. This is only a 20 minute task. The word allotment for this type of writing is 150-190 words. 200 words or more means you have eaten into the next essay time allotment. There is a difficulty in deciphering your information due to the lack of proper formatting, for which you will be penalized and heavy points deducted, which will result in a possible failing score for this essay. Use 3 paragraphs for the presentation, 4 paragraphs if you have enough information to do so. Do not just keep typing away, totally ignoring the word parameters and your errors in spelling, grammar, and conciseness. If you write less words, you can focus on the quality of your writing. If you leave the errors unchecked, then you will have even more percentage deductions, which means, your final score could be well under the 5 mark.
***Some people believe that the government should spend more money putting in more works of art like paintings and statues in cities to make them better places to live in.***  
  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
I completely agree with the idea of government should support more works of art like paintings and statues in city in term of finance to display them in better places.  
  
A lot of works of art deserve being placed in a formal place instead of any store or even warehouses. A piece of art is a wonderful result of artist's creativity and hard work or even sacrifice important things. They definitely put 100% effort into those arts and consider them as their child. Paintings or statues is not only beautiful as its appearance but also contains profound lessons or reflects a whole specific historical era. For instant, looking at a painting of Old Quarter by Bui Xuan Phai, Vietnamese people can easily conceive how previous generation live and work, this is also significant historical evidence to research about this period of time.  
  
Investing in place for works of art is absolute proper decision, government will see numerous of advantages if they do so. Building picture galleries or museums to exhibit more valuable pictures, sculpture will promise a relatively bright scenario. Firstly, galleries are a model of business which can make huge revenue for artist and nation and furthermore contributing to boost GDP. Seconly,this is a effective way to promote vietnamese culture to foreigners worldwide and lure more visitors to Vietnam. Last but not least, if we can reserve works of arts well the more and more valueable it become because it is witness for history.  
  
In conclusion , government should make places for more worthy works of art because of variety of advantages and potential benefits
The opening paragraph is insufficient in information presentation. You failed to properly restate the given discussion points before offering your response to the question. The prompt rephrasing is scored heavily in this paragraph. The lack of it will mean that you do not know how to restate the topic. You will receive heavy points deductions in the TA section for that lack of presentation skills in both the opening and closing paragraphs.You need to extend your presentation in both paragraph to meet the sentence requirement per paragraph, which is 3-5 sentences each. The opening paraphrase and closing reverse paraphrase should have at least 2 sentences, comprising at least 40 words in the presentation.