dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Please correct this essay for me. Thank you for your help!  
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.  
*Topic: The graphs show changes in spending habits of people in UK between 1971 and 2001.  
Write a report to a university lecturer describing the data. (Image attached)  
Write at least 150 words*  
  
## difference in expenditure allocation in the UK

  
  
The pie charts compare the difference in expenditure allocation in the UK in the years 1971 and 2001 for seven categories.  
It is noticeable that the patterns of the amount of money for books and food saw significant increases while the proportion of spending on cars, restaurants and computers increased substantially. On the other hand, there were small differences in the percentages of petrol and furniture consumption.  
  
Food accounted for the highest proportion of UK spending in 1971 with 44%, but it saw a fall into 14% in 2001. Similarly, UK residents spent less money on books in 2001 with 1% comparing to this terms in 1971 with 6%. By contrast, it is clear that budgets for cars, restaurants and computers went up dramatically with 22%, 7% and 2% in 1971 to 43%, 14% and 12% respectively in 2001.  
  
With regards to furniture and petrol, there were just minimal changes in household expenditure. In fact, furniture costs and petrol costs took roughly 9% and 10% of household budgets relatively in 1971 and the UK consumer just allocated 8% in their budgets for both these two types in 2001.  
  
*   
*Task <>'" &'ss'>*
Le, the presentation you are using can be really confusing to the reader because you are comparing the information per type in the same paragraph. For these presentations, since you are using 2 different images, it would be best to use 2 paragraphs to individually represent each graph. The fourth paragraph can then be used for any comparison points between the two images. So the presentation would be outlined as follows:  
  
Analysis 1: 1971 pie chart using chart percentage information  
Analysis 2: 2001 pie chart based on pie chart information  
Analysis 3: Comparison points presentation using close numbered items such as books, computers, petrol. Use a measured discussion for the paragraph similar to the following:  
  
*There was a 2% increase in the petrol spending habits of people from 1971-2001. Along with that, there was a decrease of 5 percent for book purchases when comparing the 1971 expense to the 2001 book sales....*  
  
The difference in spending habits should be measured as per the difference in measurements in the third paragraph. Don't try to do it all in one paragraph, it confuses the reader. Task 1 essays require clarity in the data presentation because you are expected to analyze the given information for dissemination to your reader, who cannot see the pie chart for themselves.
## automated robots at work

  
  
With the continuous progress of science and technology, automated robots are being used to replace manpower in more posts. Irreplaceable advantages as robots do have, the question of whether robots can completely replace humans remains open to be debated. To begin with, robots are preciser and more logical than staff in present. Although they almost entirely depend on the employers' commands to execute, robots can only use the inherent program to run the tasks, unlike human staff who can adjust the order to avoid problems in advanced. In other words, robots cannot modify themselves when the codes goes wrong, but human workers can easily solve this question. Secondly, robots workers can remain efficient at any time, without slacking off and emotions. Human workers are different, but this shortcoming for people sometimes happens to be an advantage. A few perfect coincidences due to several minor emotional mistakes. For instance, penicillin was discovered by an accident. The final difference between human and robot is cost difference. Company ought to pay a range of costs for the staff, such as salary, transportation subsidies and insurance and housing fund. Robot workers only need to be supplied power and patched by mechanical parts, which can help the company save a large of money. Consequently, the discrepancy between human workers and robot workers are remarkably different.
Li, when indicating ownership of something such as employer's commands, an apostrophe S is used to indicate that a person or persons own the action or thing. The apostrophe after the S is used only when a contraction. You made these mistakes in your essay presentation. Remember the rules about the use of an apostrophe S and apply it next time. When you indicate an example in an essay, such as the story of the discovery of penicillin, tell the whole story. Since this refers to an accidental discovery, explain how it happened.Finally, the reference to the coding situation. Humans can easily adjust to the situation, they can resolve the situation, they do not solve the question because coding refers to a program that instructs a process, it is not a question.  
  
What I can see in this essay is that you have a very good grasp of the English language and its vocabulary. Now, there are still imperfections in your sentence structures and word presentation but these do not hinder the understanding of what you are trying to impart to your reader. As an ESL, a native English speaker can make allowances for these simple mistakes but you should try to avoid repeating the same errors in the future if you want to improve your writing skills in English.
## The amount of water used

  
  
The pie chart compares the amount of using water for three purposes in six locations on the Earth. It can be clearly seen that while most areas in the world use water for agriculture, using water for Industry is an aim in North America and Europe.  
  
The proportion of water in Agricultural use in Asia and Africa at over 80%, besides at 71% from South America. 19% of water in domestic use from South America, at 7% and 9% from Asia and Africa respectively. In South America and South East Asia, the water of industrial use has a minority of amount that just over 10%, furthermore Africa and Central Asia has a very small number.  
  
The industry is a field using water the most in North America and Europe, at 48% and 53% respectively. In Europe, while the information shows that the data of water in Agricultural use at 32%, this accounted for 39% in North America. The amount of water in domestic use has a minority in both two areas, between 13% and 15%.  
  
*
Tran, while the analytical information of the essay is acceptable, your summary overview is not. The requirements of the summary overview are unchangeable. The overview summary must always include:  
  
1. The topic  
2. The reason  
3. Measurement type  
4. Other information  
5. Trending sentence  
  
The more appropriate presentation is therefore:  
  
*6 pie charts indicating the percentage of water use in 6 countries represented by North and South America, Europe, Africa, Central and South East Asia have been provided for review. The charts indicate the different methods by which water is used in these area are listed as industrial, agricultural, and domestic use. A quick analysis of the chart indicates that all 6 countries tend to use a major amount of water supply on its agricultural needs.*  
  
It is from that point you may continue your analytical presentation. The report that you created highlights how you have noted all of the important aspects of the charts so you did well, analysis wise. Save for the overview problem, I don't really see any major areas of concern in your presentation.
## College Student Have Jobs while in School

  
  
In this century, college students on over the world have been joining a part time job during school time, especially in the United States. In my view, the college students should have job while they are in school for few reasons.  
  
Finance is the first reason that a college student should have a job during school time. Nowadays, college tuitions and the cost of living have grown for the past years. For example, my niece just completed her two and a half years in New York University College of Nursing, and her debt tuitions comes over one hundred twenty thousand dollars. Her mother helps to pay for the rent; however, she has to work for paying her utilities, foods, books, and others needed for living. Just like my niece there are many college students work while they are in school.  
  
Understanding the value of money is the second reason that college student should have a job during school time. In the modern society, they get used to following the trend by using brand name products. For instance, the Apple iphone upgrades to a new version each year, and it is very expensive. In order to get a new iphone they have to use about four paychecks with a minimum wage job. When they start earning their paycheck, they realize how difficulty of making money, and it takes a lot of time and effort to make a living. They'll appreciate their parents; also, they'll be careful about their spending habit.  
  
Responsibilities are the last reason that a college student should have a job during school time. They need to learn how to be responsible employee, and going to work on time is one of the examples otherwise they will lose their job. In addition, college students should learn how to use their time in a proper way. For example, student works fifteen hours a week at tutoring center from 3:00PM to 6:00PM. After work, they have only three or four hours to do homework before bedtime. Timing is limited so they can't use it for something else. Responsibility is a big role because students have to be able to balance work and school at the same time.  
  
In conclusion, I think college student should work during their college years because they need to earn money for their expenses, to understand the value of money, and to become more responsible.
***Task 2: Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.***  
  
## INDIVIDUAL SPORTS OR TEAM SPORTS

  
  
There are many types of sports that people can take part in, all of which bring benefits to the players. While many people love to engage in sport that are play in team, I would argue that individual sport is better.  
  
In general, team sports are a good practice of teamwork skill. By playing such sports, people can take advantage from the cooperation of their teammates. In team sports, members have to work together to achieve a common goal, which can bring bigger results. On the other hand, team sports instil a level of competition. Working together as a team creates a healthy competitive edge that can only bode well for the team and each individual within it. For instance, each football player tends to try to practice harder to be as good as their teammates.  
  
Nevertheless, individual sports like tennis can be particularly beneficial for everyone because they help develop self-esteem and concentration while encouraging physical activity. In the busy world of today, individual sports bring people more flexibility as they can play those types of sports whenever they have free time. In parallel with the flexibility of time, individual sport players also have chance to set up level of training at their own space. Moreover, individual sports help foster the independence of the sport players even in the matters that are out of sport. For example, in tennis, a player is responsible for every move he makes. Consequently, his success is his own, but so is his disappointment or failure.  
  
In conclusion, while the benefits of team sports are undeniable, playing individual sports is a better choice for people who is occupied with other things in their life.  
  
[287 words]  
  
Please give me feedback. Thank you very much!
Nguyen, this is a 3 reasoning essay presentation. Your prompt paraphrase and succeeding discussion changed it to a singular point of view presentation. Therefore, this essay will only be partially graded based on the personal opinion aspect of the discussion. Since your understanding of the discussion requirement is that you should only present your point of view, you missed out on the scores that could have been given to you had you presented the other 2 discussion points. While your reasoning is acceptable, the singular point of view, which was not what the prompt was asking for alone, led to the problematic scoring of your essay. This will not be enough to get you a passing score because of the lack of public discussion coming from the 2 points of view. I hope that next time, you will remember to present those points of view in this type of essay discussion.  
  
Should you find it difficult to understand how to approach the essay discussions, you may refer to the sample essays here for the Task 2 part of the test. Those samples should help you become clearer about what the discussion types are and how to approach these in written form.
Hello guys, I need your feedback in term of writing task 1 (Task Achievement, Lexical Resources, Cohesion and Coherence, Grammatical and Accuracy)  
  
## The rising number of automobiles

  
  
The number of the selling cars for the first time is increasing continuously in many third world countries.  
This phenomenon might produce two some problems: the increasing level of the pollutions and traffic congestion.  
Increasing the standard of vehicle emissions and implementing odd and even car license police number in the road could be two viable solutions, and it should be set by the authority.  
  
The rising automobiles number will follow the level of the air pollutions in the environment.  
As a result some of diseases would likely to suffer many people because of the chemical exposure from the emissions through breathing the contaminated air.  
  
Based on data of Wahidin hospital in Makassar that the number of patients suffering lung cancer and pneumonia increased around 13% compared to the previous-year percentage in 2006, and chemical emissions from the fumes are assumed as the main factor to trigger those diseases.  
  
Not only that, traffic jam is also a huge problem that often comes up when the volume of cars increase.  
It occurs because the road could not be widened again whereas the growth number of mobile-cars go constantly up.  
  
Some people believe that the role of government is admittedly pivotal to deal with those problems.  
By increasing the level of emissions-regulation standard in each vehicle could restrain the wide-spread pollutions to the environment.  
On another solutions, making policy odd and even police number to drive their cars in the high way could address the traffic jam or reduce the vehicle number in the road.  
  
Those regulations have been being implemented by Jakarta's government, and they succeed to reduce smoke in the sky around 10% as well as the congestion never exist again in the rush hour.  
  
In conclusion, a high number of cars not only could deteriorate the environment through a huge-spread of fumes from the vehicles but also potentially widen the area of congestion. Therefore, the role of government to make some policy could create a massive impact to address this issue.
Well hello smart people, i'm Nadim please kindly do a favor for me to check my essay by giving feedback which is based on some criteria :  
  
1. Lexical Resource.  
2. Grammatical range and accuracy.  
3. Coherence and cohesion.  
4. Task achievement.  
  
## the increasing request of water

  
  
**There is a growing demand for fresh water nowadays and this is becoming global problem. What are the causes and solutions ?**  
  
Some people may hold a view that request for healthy water nowadays is rocketing up and this is perceived as a worldwide issue as well. The main causes toward this problem are uncontrolled consumption and progression of industry requiring a lot amount of water. Social campaigning of prudential usage of water and implementing eco-friendly technology could be the most viable solutions toward this phenomenon.  
  
The uneconomical utilization of water and the mushrooming of industrial businesses are definitely the backgrounds why the demand of water is keep rising up. Since people is being indulged with advanced technologies and the growing economy in several countries brings impact to the development of industry requiring astronomical number of water, people tends to put minor attention toward crucial things in life -water, and pursue the advantages only. This situation could be even worse if the head of nations remain silent. For instance, in Malaysia, the water demand is keep increasing up to 65% in this year.  
  
Committing social campaign to thrift the usage of water and establishing green technology are believed as the most effective solution for this predicament. It would encourage people to be more aware about water resources while at the same time, it could also provide healthy water to be consumed as the eco-friendly technology would not contaminate it. In Pakistan, these methods had brought tremendous impact, in 2009 the water demand was dramatically plummet to 80% and the water condition was better to be consumed.  
  
To conclude, the increasing request of water caused by reckless utilization of water and improvement of industry could be coped with by doing social campaign and applying the natural-based technology for the industry.
Nadim, while your grammar is not as fluent as it should be, owing to grammatical errors, the essay itself stayed on the mark. Representing clear positions, ideas, and discussions. However, the essay suffers from certain errors, which you can easily correct within your next practice exercise. For a better analysis of your work, let's review it by bracket and scoring potential.  
  
Task Accuracy - 7 - This is the best part of your writing. You showed a clear understanding of the prompt and managed to paraphrase it clearly for the reader. However, your reasoning tends to keep a general consideration rather than a specific consideration for say, the country where you live. The reasoning could have been stronger and scored higher if it had a more specific reference point in the presentation.  
  
C&C - 5 - You are presenting a clear discussion in every paragraph but the progression suffers from a lack of transition sentences for the sentence topics within the paragraph and a transition sentence at the end to help introduce the next topic. This created a lack of progression in the discussion.  
  
LR - 4 - The vocabulary used is basic. There are problems in your word usage because you are not using the correct time reference for the tenses used. These all led to improper word usage and an obvious limitation to your word formation abilities.  
  
GRA - 4 - The LR problems limited your ability to score better in this section. The sentence structure problems result in faulty punctuation usage. You are using commas rather than periods throughout the presentations, which limit your paragraph format to 2 sentences per. The minimum is 3 sentences with a maximum of 5. You must learn to write complex sentences rather than run-ons. You must also properly use the subordinate clauses in the presentations. All of these problems can be resolved by writing short but complex sentences.  
  
These scores should show you both the strengths and weaknesses of your written work. Use the scores to determine which parts you need to improve on and focus on bettering those with your next practice test.
## only good students accepted to schools?

  
  
Universities are playing critical roles in the improvement of society and people's life and the core element of their function depends on the quality of the students. Some are of the view that higher education should be dedicated to good student and others say that all students should have the opportunity to attend university education. After weighting the evidence I Strongly agree with the view that only good Students should have the right to enter colleges and based on the following reasons I try to demonstrate my opinion.  
  
The budgets that the universities have are not limitless. Universities both private and public ones have a certain amount of financial resources that should be directed to the best possible goals. It is absolutely true that designating budget for a talented or a hard worker student brings much better results than giving budget to the weak student and it's not possible for them to accept all students applying to the universities. A hard worker-student creates high-quality knowledge and finally brings money to the university. On the other hand, accepting weak or uninterested students to universities bring nothing more than waste of time and resources for the universities and the governments. Hence, universities should better to support those who are passionate about their studies so as to spend their money in the most efficient ways.  
  
Furthermore, it's the hardworking and talented students who bring knowledge and respect for the universities. The most important goal of a university is creating quality works for the society and getting prestige and respect by the world. Where could these items come from? Aside from having good professors and financial resources, the most important resources for making knowledge and prestige are the outstanding and elite student of universities. They absolutely should be taken into a priority for entering universities. Further, if the weak students enter the universities the good student's right would be ignored as they have taken a long journey to enter universities in opposite to those weak students. As results, we conclude that it's again the high-quality students that should be absorbed into universities.  
  
However, some people may say there may be some reasons that universities accept all types of students as it increases the quantity of the educated people in society and brings more knowledge for the scientific world as well. But the reality is that the society and the scientific world need quality works and qualified research projects which would be created by only those who are passionate enough about science.  
  
In general, we can conclude that although everyone should have the right to enter universities, this does not mean that universities can accept all good and weak students to their programs as they should designate their resources to the best students so as to bring quality knowledge, prestige, and respect for them.
... and people's life ~~and~~ as well ...  
  
Try not to repeat yourself  
  
In general, an essay is well made. I can't discuss with you just because I don't agree with your opinion because the essay is all about what you think.  
  
But I am going to say that, Everyone has equal right in this life (At least we should have). Everyone is human and as we humans do sometimes we are not interested and motivated enough to study well. But there are the moments when you suddenly get the motivation out of nowhere and start studying well just because you want it, Not because someone forces you to do so. Sure it does not happen every time but everyone should have a chance to show their hidden skills.  
  
For example, Einstein didn't study well at school. Let's say he was so bad at it, But look who he became.  
  
Kind regards, Anri