dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
specific sectors  
This makes the original topic vague in your restatement. Such a general reference will be marked as an inaccurate representation as synonyms, as relevant to the LR and GRA scores were not used.  
  
On the one hand  
This comes across more as a personal opinion than a general discussion Remember to use third person pronouns next time to meet the response format guidelines.  
  
many think  
This is an example of a uniquely worded third person reference. Good job. It clearly indicates this is not your opinion but rather, a public one.  
  
Finally  
This is more of a conclusion paragraph reference. It would be better if you do not use it as a personal opinion starter. Simply say" my opinion" or a variation thereof to start it.
## **The plans below show the layout of a university's sports centre now, and how it will look after redevelopment.**

  
  
The two maps illustrate the design of a university's sports centre and its transformation proposal. Overall, the complex is planned to undergo significant changes regarding the size and recreational facilities.  
  
At present, there is a large building in the middle, which is flanked by two outdoor courts. Inside the building, there is a reception facing the main entrance. The heart of this structure is a 25m pool, bordered by a changing room to the west, a gym to the north and some seats to the east.  
  
The future plans show no changes to the existing facilities, apart from the widening of the gym to the east side. However, the two rectangle courts are bound to be replaced by other amenities. While a large leisure pool will be constructed on the original site of the western court, the emergence of a new sports hall and two dance studios will take place on the eastern end. Two additional fitting rooms, which adjoin a café and a small shop, will be placed on either side of the entrance.  
  
*
The future plans show no changes to the existing facilities  
When you indicate a change in the gym size, a change is made to the existing facility. The statement should therefore indicate a minimal change to the orginal rather than no changes. There will always be a degree of change in the comparative images. Nothing will remain unchanged. This is standard for all Task 1 comparative images. Focus on finding and comparing the changes no matter how minimal.  
  
The analysis is pretty much on point but too summarized for the second paragraph. Try to balance the report sections with at least 3 sentences each. Since the gym is to be changed in shape and size, it should be a highlighted sentence in the paragraph.
In my view, I suppose that the major change of this sports centre is that there won't be any outdoor sports areas in the future, instead of that it will be converted into a closed centre with a larger size. The change of the size was mentioned in your overview, but you did not support this.  
  
Moreover, I also agree that there is no point in mentioning about there is no change to existing facilities as, for the most part, there will always be changes on IELTS map essays.
## the advantages AND disadvantages of playing games

  
  
There is no doubt technology plays an indispensable part in our life. The development of technology leads to the appearance of online games which contributes to changes in life. Whether games will do you good or not remains a controversy. Although games bring so many benefits, in my perspective, the disadvantages outweigh the advantages  
  
On the one hand, games teach you a lesson about life. To begin with, games practice your concentration which helps you apply to your study and work to set plans, focus mind on small objectives to reach the ultimate goal. In addition, games are beneficial for learning some social skills What's more, when it comes to playing games, persistence is always put into account. if you fail, you have to learn not to dwell on your failure and look on the bright side  
  
On the other hand, parents tend to object to children's playing games due to various reasons. Firstly, overusing games does harm to children's health. It stands to reason that if kids put too much time into games, they will lead a sedentary lifestyle and be prone to catching diseases, Secondly, games draw people to the distraction of reality. To be more specific, players are obsessive with winning that they waste time immersing themselves in games. Last but not least, according to scientists, the wave of crime is partly attributed to game addiction. It is undeniable that adolescents may resort to violence in reality if they are affected by games and become out of control.  
  
To sum up, games make considerable changes to our life but in my opinion, the advantages are overshadowed by disadvantages
The writer must remember that there are a number of reference options to the word game. The word could refer to board games, street games, intellectual gamest, to name but a few types. That is why, for clarity purposes, he must attach an identifier to the word game. Refer to it as video, cyber, virtual, or digital These are some alternative identifiers for the video game reference in the ouginal. Such varied references will help the vocabulary score of the writer.  
  
disadvantages outweigh the advantages  
This perfectly sums up the writers opinion. Then, the reasoning problem presents itself.  
  
On the one hand, games teach you a lesson about life.  
On the other hand, parents tend to object to children's playing games due to various reasons.  
These are the problem reasons with the essay. It creates a dual supporting discussion where a single supporting discussion is needed. Do not defend both sides. Use 2 reasons to convince the examiner that your opinion is the only correct one. This essay has failed to do that. It also lacks punctuation marks in a few sentences.
## children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age

  
  
It is crucial that children be exposed to the difference between right and wrong at a very young age. Commonly, punishment is strongly believed to be the best way to help them distinguish this difference. I agree that punishment and discipline are essential in instructing children about right and wrong, besides, we need more care, more supportive words, and actions but not only severe punishments. Therefore, the most effective type of punishment should parents and teachers apply in teaching good behaviors to children is to make them responsible for whatsoever their mistakes.  
  
Firstly, punishment is necessary because it brings fearfulness. Accordingly, if children take incorrect actions in doing something and they are punished directly, 90% of them might not go that wrong direction again. In this way, children can not only learn about how wrong actions shape, and what are the right decisions to make. Secondly, punishment means implementing discipline and discipline brings perfection in children's behaviors. Nevertheless, care and support are more important than solely drastic punishment. That said the more parents take their children into careful consideration, the less generation gap and the more good characters they have.  
  
For these reasons, personally, I affirm that the most valid sort of punishment is for children to take responsibility for their actions. At home, if children have bad behaviors, parents should teach them about regrets, apologies, and compensation. For instance, if a child breaks a cup because they detest decorations, firstly, parents should ask him about how terrible his action is and require them a sincere apology. Next, this child should clean that tangle and make commitments about better behaviors in a similar situation. At school, teachers should do the same thing when their students make any minor or major mistakes. In this way, children can have a deeper understanding of the distinction between bad and good behaviors.  
  
In conclusion, although punishment plays an important role in teaching children about rights and wrongs, parents' attention is another inevitable aspect in accomplishing this journey. By the way, there are many types of punishment but it seems to me that the most productive one is taking-responsibility discipline.
I agree that punishment  
To what extent? Never provide the reason for your opinion without the appropriate response format. The correct response format comes before the reason.  
  
make them responsible  
How can the parents and teachers do this? The question was "What sort of punishment." Provide the example focus a part of the response for discussion outline clarity.  
  
The reasoning paragraph as to why you agree with punishment is well thought out and developed. However, the same cannot be said for the type of punishment paragraph. It contradicts your agreement with punishment as a way of disciplining a child.  
  
You said that a way of making a child disciplined is by making them take responsibility for their actions. That is not a punishment but it is a form of discipline. A punishment is: a penalty inflicted for an offense, fault. Your presentation does not inflict a penalty but rather explains the offense to the child. A punishment would be:  
  
no cellphone for a month  
No Netflix for 6 mos.  
No videogames for a week  
No dessert after a meal  
Spanking  
A time- out  
  
or something similar. These would have been better punishment methods to support your " responsibility lesson. It would show that doing the wrong thing has repercussions.
## the Art field on the government's budget

  
  
Opinion is divided on whether creators in the art field should rely on the government's budget or seek private support to develop. I will look at the reasoning of both camps before presenting why I believe that financial support from all these sources are of vital importance.  
  
On the one hand, people who side with the government financial aid have their own arguments. More specifically, not only contributing to the development of the economy through hosting international art galleries, transmitting traditions to other countries, or becoming an integral part of the advertising industry, arts also play an important role in educating history and culture for many people. Hence, it is apparent that the government should shoulder responsibility for creative art work, which can bring many positive effects in flourishing the economy, health and status worldwide in the long run. Versa, support from the government is more affirmed, which can lay a solid foundation for artist's work, leading to compromised and sustainable artistic missions.  
  
On the other hand, it is understandable why many think art work should be funded by multiple funding streams. Firstly, by diversifying sources of support and income, creative artists can be more independent and flexible in what they do. In other words, relying heavily on a certain source can limit the projects and momentum. Secondly, in fact, an official state has more problems which are  
  
In conclusion, I want to reiterate that creative artists should seek for and receive financial support from both the government and other sources, which are beneficial in different ways.
I will look at the reasoning of both camps  
There is no need to repeat the discussion instructions. This was already established in the prompt restatement. Only your personal opinion presentation is needed at this point. This should be a 2 sentence direct representation of the original. However, this presentation is still acceptable and will be awarded points. It is good enough, but could have been better. # Median score  
  
Versa  
This word does not exist in the English language. Perhaps you meant to say "Vice-versa" meaning in reverse order from the way something has been stated; the other way around ? Regardless, the first word does not exist and the word suggestion would have been an improperly used word. Score markdown #1.  
  
Secondly, in fact, an official state has more problems which are  
What? The presentation is incomplete. There is no logic or coherence present. Score markdown #2.  
  
Where is the personal opinion paragraph? The 3rd reasoning presentation. That cannot be used as a concluding statement. Score markdown #3.  
  
There is no closing paragraph. The writer will lose more points. There are severe deductions that will adversely affect the score.
IELTS WRITING TASK 2  
  
## Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need

  
***Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives.***  
  
The world has been far developing to such an extent that the role of "advertising" is supposed to change. Some people hold firm to their belief that ads lead people to make unnecessary purchases; whilst, opponents argue that they introduce new products to customers. From my perspective, although the first idea is true to some extent, the second seems much more reasonable.  
  
On the one hand, it is undeniable that customers' driving force to buy unneeded items is a result of advertising. Firstly, the demand for a more convenient life has recently increased. Once brands have already recognised this, they will introduce new products qualified enough to meet buyers' basic needs. Hence, people will build a habit of purchasing a larger number of goods. Additionally, it is wise marketing strategies that also encourage people to buy more than what they want. Acknowledging their customers' tendencies, brands will apply a lot of approaches to direct their customers. For instance, Shopee becomes well-known among online purchasers for its celebrity endorsement and flash sale campaigns.  
  
On the other hand, that advertisements are of great benefits to people's lives is without question. Obviously, customers cannot only be well-provided with more information about products but may also raise their awareness about social issues sometimes included in brands' advertising campaigns. Take Pepsi's 2016 video, which contains both their drinks and current political problems in the USA, as a prime example. Furthermore, the more frequently ads are shown to the public, the better varieties of products are available to customers. As a result, they will have more choices of goods; therefore, making better decisions of what to buy, which will gradually improve their living standards.  
  
In conclusion, despite unnecessary purchases encouraged by advertisements, they undoubtedly do great wonders to us. Hence, it is imperative that we become discerning customers in order to gain best benefits from advertising instead of being manipulated.
The writer has not even made an effort to understand the discussion topics as these relate to the prompt question. Hence, he failed to provide an appropriate prompt restatement and opinion response. What happened was he created his own topic and discussion method based solely on a poor understanding of the prompt topic. The discussion instruction was not considered at all. The question was, "which viewpoint do you agree with?". A clear single opinion essay based on a clear opinion choice.  
  
His interpretation response was,  
  
although the first idea is true to some extent, the second seems much more reasonable.  
A response that is reserved only for extent essays. Therefore, the prompt deviation that will result in an unrelated response is clear to the examiner. The task accuracy score will be failing.  
  
The student will not pass the test due to the incorrect response presentation, regardless of the minor scores that will be awarded to other sections. The score will not be zero, but it won't be passing either.  
  
Honestly, the writer's English comprehension skills need to be properly developed. At this point that most important scoring aspect is his biggest problem. Rather than Task 2 essays, he should write about general essay topics until his understanding skills improve. Only after that should he even try to with task 2 essays. Learn to understand and write as per English instructions first.
***Some people believe that robots will play an important role in future societies, while others argue that robots might have negative effects on society.***  
## discuss both views and give your opinion.

  
  
Robots are prevalent in every aspect of our lives. Besides, they still provoke vigorous debate. A school of thought believes that robots will provide numerous benefits for our society, whereas others argue that they will trigger some detriments. This essay will look at both views before giving my perspective.  
  
On the one hand, the robust development of robotics technologies can worsen our society to some certain extent. One of the primary threats is the heavy dependence on robots. Many assistant robots have facilitated our lives, such as washing machines or logistic robots, in charge of household chores or various labour-intensive tasks. This trend will cause a sedentary lifestyle and result in health problems such as obesity in the long term. Moreover, nowadays, Robots have superseded unskilled workers, especially in the manufacturing and banking fields, leading to an increase in the unemployment rate. For example, fully automated processes have already taken over manual jobs such as assembly-line workers, while many bank tellers have lost their job when digital banking is released.  
  
On the other hand, Robots still generate positive impacts on our sustainable development. The first positive role is it could promote the emotional and physical well-being of the seniors. There is a robot in Japan called Telenoid, equipped with state-of-the-art artificial intelligence, its function includes making conversation, facial expressions which foster communication and reduce the risk of depression for the loneliness elderly. Moreover, its advent also helps alleviate the burdens for medical systems when the lack of human resources in nursing is still a social dilemma. Another essential role of robotics engineering is supporting us in tedious tasks and freeing up our time. In lieu of doing the monotonous jobs, we could contribute our creativity to the other critical priorities or nourish the family relationship when all the mundane manual labour could be done by advanced technology.  
  
In conclusion, though Robots could harm us to some extent, I personally contend robots indeed will add many benefits to the future society.  
Please give me some feedback on this essay.
## was life better when technology was simpler?

  
  
In the digital age, technology is more prevalent and has become one indispensable part of our life. However, there is still a school of thought that it will be better regardless of modern technology. While this may be true to some extent, I am leaning towards the far-fetching benefits of leveraging technology advancements.  
  
It is irrefutable that the permeating of technology lead to social isolation. Nowadays, the young generations are more inclined towards advanced technology due to its fundamental facilities like surfing, doing chit-chat via social platforms. Hence the severe outcomes are the heavy reliance on it and refraining from social communications. However, this thinking is flawed. Thanks to technological innovations, we could work remotely and maintain the business operations in the pandemic outbreak of Covid 19 when most countries have to implement the strict lockdown.  
  
In addition, another profound merit is that technological breakthroughs have revolutionized the way humans work. Recently, cutting-edge technology is utilized in the daunting tasks that previously required a copious amount of time, labor, and resources. For example, a shoe manufactory needs ten workers to produce 100 hand-craft shoes a day, but now only a particular machine could upgrade its productivity more than twice. This shift generates significant savings in labor costs and contributes to the unprecedented increase in the net profits for the operations.  
  
In conclusion, the superior advantage of technological invention outweighs its drawbacks. I perceive that we should take advantage of it to foster the development of our society in the foreseeable future.
While this may be true to some extent, I am leaning towards the far-fetching benefits of leveraging technology advancements.  
The discussion question is, "To what extent do you agree or disagree?" not, "Is the statement somewhat true and why?" The response you have provided may seem to align with the prompt question but, it actually does not. You have to first, respond to the prompt based on the prescribed format (extent) and second, provide the reason for your opinion (thesis statement). What you provided regarding the far reaching benefits would have been the perfect discussion reason to support the opinion response in a proper format.  
  
The reasoning paragraphs are focused on technological use in terms of the workplace and manufacturing. The discussion was supposed to be directed towards the lifestyle of people. The reasoning was not really on point but will receive scoring marks just the same because it has a bit of relevance to the discussion. The conclusion was a prompt deviation as it suddenly referred to benefits and advantages and disadvantages, which were not part of the original prompt presentation. This is basically, an essay that does not meet the passing score requirements for a task 2 essay
***It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.***  
  
## Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

  
  
It is a common belief that everyone can be good at playing sport or music. However, I firmly consider that everyone has his or her talent in a different thing. Therefore, sport and music may not be suitable for everyone to learn.  
  
On top of being distinguished, people believe a man can do anything nowadays. It usually happens in eastern culture. In eastern culture, people believe hard-working makes children achieve every goal. Thus, people consider children aren't working hard enough if they get to fail. Even though the subjects they fail are sport or music need the talent to learn, they still let children keep practicing. For instance, there is a saying that "Practice makes perfect.", which shows the aspect of these people. However, this point of view may cause children under pressure. Some of them lose their self-confidence, while others might hate the sport or music in the future.  
  
On the other hand, people suggest that every child has his or her talent, which is often seen in western culture. They believe that talent is a gift from god. Therefore, people should focus on their talent. For instance, if children have talent in sport or music, they will be encouraged to improve their skills. This not only makes them do better in sport or music but also lets them get more interest in them. It's beneficial to children, while they might choose to be musicians or good sports players in the future.  
  
To sum up, though it is important to practice a lot on something children aren't good at, in my viewpoint, they should follow their talents.