dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hi, everyone! Please have a look at my essay.  
  
## parents share responsibility for the behaviour of the children

  
  
The question of whether parents are ultimately responsible for the behaviour of the children is a controversial one. On one hand, some claim that parents are socially and morally obliged to raise their children well and instil in them the fundamental concepts of kindness, generosity and tolerance. They, thus, point out that if a child somehow misbehaves it is the fault of the parents, and therefore they are responsible. On the other hand, others question such beliefs and argue, justifiably, that parents are not always or automatically responsible for the misconduct of children. Personally, I consider the arguments on both sides to be valid and legitimate, yet, I more inclined to the second point of view by the following reasons.  
  
According to some research, during the first three years of life, a person obtains as much information as for the rest of his or her life. The mind of the child is incredibly flexible and acquires knowledge like a sponge. In this age, however, a child has not yet developed critical skills and therefore percepts everything that parents tell him or her as undeniable and absolute truth. Therefore, the moral concepts that the parents teach their child plays a crucial role in his or her destiny and, in a certain sense, will govern the child's behaviour throughout his or her life. Proceeding from this fact, the notion of the ultimate parental responsibility sounds reasonable and convincing.  
  
However, this topic could also be looked at from a different perspective. First, the conception of the total parental responsibility can be employed to justify any possible misdeed or crime since the offender can always blame his or her parents for not giving him or her the proper moral foundation in the childhood. Moreover, the parents, in turn, can accuse their own parents by applying the same logic; following this chain of reasoning, it is impossible to break the circles of the Wikion. Therefore, the concept of the parental responsibility in its ultimate form negates any form of personal responsibility for our own actions. Moreover, parents are not the only ones who heavily influence the child's development. During the adolescence a teenager spends more time at school than at home, hence, imposition full responsibility on parents would oversimplify the picture.  
  
To conclude, I believe that parents share responsibility for the behaviour of the children to some extent. However, this responsibility is not ultimate, but limited and, in particular, it can not be exploited as an excuse for person's misdeeds and wrong-doings.
Hi Oz, I hope you could provide the original prompt so we can have a look at it. And if you are taking Ielts or toefl, you would have limited time for writing so 421 words are way over the top. Last but not least, I can see the opening paragraph indicating you are providing your opinion, so it is impossible for you to state your opinion in the conclusion. Overall though, you are way better than the first essay that you posted in the forum.  
  
Hope that helps.
This is my essay in IELTS writing task 1. Please check its grammar, vocabulary, style. Can you mark it and tell me how to improve my score?. Thank you !!!  
  
## World Population Growth 1800-2100

  
  
The given illustrations show the changes on the population worldwide from 1800 to 2100 and compare the distribution of this population between developed and developing countries.  
  
Overall, it is forecasted that the global population would go up until 2045 and most people would inhabit in developing countries.  
  
According to the first graph, in the first year 1800, the global population stood at just 1000 million. Over the period between 1800 and 1920, there is a slight rise in the world population, while the period from 1920 to 2017 saw a boom and reached to 7000 million. This upward trend is expected to continue till 2045 when the population would reach the peak of over 8000 million. However, the figure is predicted to fall to roughly 6000 million in 2100.  
  
On the other hand, around 1200 million people lived in developed areas and this number of residents would remain stable till 2040. By contrast, the population of developing areas would climb steadily from over 2200 million to 4000 million by 2040.  
  
*
Khang, you are looking at a possible high score of 4 with the type of presentation that you have given. There are a number of problems with the presentation that you used because you did not accurately represent the contents of the summary overview and the rest of the chart in the paper.  
  
You have to be conscious of the fact that each paragraph is only considered properly informative if you have 3-5 sentences (maximum) in each presentation paragraph. Each paragraph needs to contain a specific set of data in order to be completed. In a Task 1 essay, a total of 3 paragraphs will already garner you an acceptable score provided the other criteria for scoring are met.  
  
For the summary overview that you presented at the beginning, the missing information include:  
1. A proper paraphrasing of the given prompt.  
2. A representation of the discussion instructions.  
3. A trending statement that will kick off the essay discussion.  
4. A transition sentence (optional)  
  
In every body paragraph, the transition sentence is not optional because you will be scored on the smoothness of your presentation and your ability to interconnect the discussion from one paragraph to the next as part of the GRA considerations. So the body paragraphs need to contain:  
  
1. A topic sentence, usually a summary of information from the chart.  
2. Supporting data from the chart.  
3. A comparison whenever possible.  
  
The biggest problem in your essay is that you do not even provide an actual comparison of data within the chart unless you are mentioning the end of the measurement scale. A properly referenced summary indicates the numerical data, as indicated within the chart. Use a ruler when necessary to guide the numerical information presentation analysis on your end. Rough estimates may be used in placed of actual data when the graph does not indicate an actual numerical figure. You cannot present just the beginning and the end. The trending information within the chart must also be represented as part of the comparison analysis.  
  
The same discussion format should have also been used for the second chart, which you barely began to discuss in your presentation as the final paragraph. All you had to do was properly represent the growth of the developing regions against the developed regions. The developed regions showed a steady number that never increased or decreased as the years progressed. That should have been properly indicated in order for this essay to have been properly informative to its reader.  
  
As for the conclusion, that is optional in a Task 1 essay so it doesn't matter that you don't have a concluding statement represented in this essay.
## what kind of food for human?

  
  
In today's modern world, vegetables are play an important role in human life. There are lot of nutrives that are extremely good for our health. However, people can not only eat vegetables in our daily meal. There are reasons why we need to eat another thing diffirent vegetables which are mentioned below.  
  
First of all, vegetables are not provide enough natritions for our body's activities. Kind of meat such as porks, beefs, lamds, etc that provide energies to people can work countinuously a long time. For example, children are very active and curious, they need lot of energies for their daily activities such as study, discover or even run, walk, dancing, draw. In contrast, some people believe that vegetables are the most essential and vital food to live.  
  
In fact, the meats are nutritious food, but we can live completely without this. Some people because of their religion, they can not eat meat. They think that if they do not eat meat, they will have a heathy life and live very long time. Another benifit of vegetables is that are really good for our health, there are bring lo of advantages such as balance blood pressue, improve our face skins as well as body skins and prevent lot of diseases consist of obesity, cancer, heart disease etc. There are reasons why vegetables are necessary to our life.  
  
In my opinion, we should to eat both the vegetables and the meats. When we have enough energies and heaths, we can enjoy all of our life. For example, if we have health, we can visit other countries, try new sport, and look after our family.  
  
All in all, vegetables are necessnary and important for our life. People need to eat vegetables to improve their health and have  
energies to enjoy our life.
Nguyen, this sounds like either an IELTS or TOEFL essay. I wish you had identified which test you are taking and what the full prompt provided to you was. That is the only way that I can help you better your writing skills in preparation for your exam.  
  
I can understand what the discussion topic is and I can see a discussion instruction in your opening paragraph. However, I am not certain if you are approaching this essay the right way because you did not provide the original prompt for my reference. Kindly remember to do that next time. It is important because I need a baseline for the assessment of your essay.  
  
The overall presentation is effective and informative. It pleases me no end that you knew to separate your opinion from the other presentations. The 3 sentence explanations are alright but I feel like you were making enough points to create at the maximum 5 sentences per paragraph because that would have increased your overall score, regardless of which test you are taking.  
  
Good job. Next time provide the prompt so that I can give a deeper assessment of your work.
## Chevening LEADERSHIP & INFLUENCE QUESTION

  
  
"Leadership and learning are indispensable to each other." John F. Kennedy. I do believe in this quote as I always believe that every situation you go through in your life, teach you something which will increase your ability while helping others who are going through the same situation.  
  
In college, we had a field project about start-up small businesses, the team consisted of four students and we were running out of time as two of my colleagues were having a severe cold as it was winter season. The presentation required to make a field tour and interviews with the owners, with such circumstances my colleagues decided to save the situation by making an online research, however, what was really required from our research was to see these people in their natural environment and learn about the difficulties they faced. While hope was fading away, I made a decision and went to the small projects' exhibition in order to know what kind of business will I find there and I found a lot of creative start-up businesses. then I made a plan for us and gave each of my colleagues an assignment according to their abilities. We agreed that I and the non-sick colleague will go to the chosen business place for the interviews and take some pictures in order to share the experience with our classmates and my other homesick colleagues will prepare the presentation script for us.  
  
After we made the interviews and got the required pictures, I had another idea of making a short video about the place as we put the pictures and chose an old classical Arabic music in order to reflect the great atmosphere we were in (this place was in one of old Cairo's locations).Our professor was amazed and we got an A+.  
  
I have learned that following your heart and your dreams is the most important thing as if you do believe in something, it will come true. I have always wanted to work in the HR field but everyone around made me believe it won't come true. So, I decided to work as a customer service agent with high salary. But the problem was that I didn't feel that this is the right place for me or what I dreamt of, then I decided to quit, despite my family's disapproval, to pursue my dream. I worked in many recruitment agencies, although the salary was low I was beyond happy. Now, I am a vendor manager in a multinational company training all the newcomers and helping them to understand our policies and procedures and how the work is done.  
  
One of my friends never believed that she can succeed in anything, she even was afraid to dream of doing anything. I started to help her to decide what she wanted in her life and what her hidden capabilities are. I told her it is okay if you failed once and twice as this considered a step forward to your goal. Now, she is working as a shadow teacher for disabled children and she discovered her artistic side and applied it as a part of her teaching methods.
Yomna, your presentation is too greenhorn. The one problem with presenting an academic leadership and influencing presentation in this essay is that it isn't based on a professional reality. Academic leadership does not require influencing abilities. It is not leadership that can be noted as experience because all college leadership presentations neglect to mention that all these activities have an academic mentor on the other end who helps in the decision making process and guides the whole project from afar. That is why Chevening is very specific about requiring work experience of no less than 2 years as one of its qualifying requirements. Therefore, this experience cannot be used for the essay. It is too old and does not really reflect an impressive leadership discussion. You need to present a leadership and influencing experience that is more recent in nature and more impressive in presentation.
I would very appreciate any messages about grammar errors in my text. Thank you for reading!  
  
**"In some countries, many children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some believe that governments should have responsibility to solve this problem. Do you agree or disagree?" (an essay for an English test)**  
  
## governments' intervention for well-being of children

  
  
The problem that humanity is facing right now (or at least it's scope and gravity) could not be imagined some centuries ago. For the most time of the human history, the vast majority of people were living in such poverty that substantial and hearty dinner was considered not as a necessity but as a luxury available only to a narrow slice of society. Indeed, there were overweight people in the privileged strata of the society, but the ratio of them to the whole population was negligible. Currently, however, the situation is changing as nowadays ordinary people with average and small income are much more likely to become overweight than the rich ones. The explanation of this seemingly paradoxical situation is that a nowadays wealthy man can consume healthy food, full of fresh vegetables and fruits, whereas ordinary people have to rely on cheap saturated food. The scope and seriousness of the problem are so high and vivid, that some people demand governments' intervention into this domain.  
  
There have been developed special governments' programmes in the Western countries which aim at fighting the problem of obesity, especially in children. Proper education and useful advice given from authoritative figures could help children to develop a healthier style of life, which includes sports training on a regular basis and a balanced diet. Some simple habits such as drinking more water or eating smaller portions of food more frequently can make a significant difference in the person's health for a reasonable amount of time such as a year. Unfortunately, many people simply do not possess such knowledge and therefore unwittingly ignore healthy style of life and endanger themselves with the potential problem of obesity. In that case, the intervention of the government would benefit both an individual and the society in whole, that could save up money spend on public health care.  
  
To conclude, from my point of view, governments are supposed to help children fight obesity by promoting educational programmes in this sphere.
Hi, I don't think your essay had a very effective structure. You did not really have a clear thesis statement until your very last sentence. And throughout the essay, you don't really spend much time explaining why the government should be responsible for reducing childhood obesity. Your whole first paragraph is about how obesity is a problem, but that does not really have much to do with who is responsible for solving it. I mean, you could have used the growth of obesity as a reason why government must step in, but didn't really make that connection clear apart from a somewhat wishy-washy sentence at the end of the paragraph. Then your second paragraph focuses on possible solutions to obesity, but once more you do not really go into much detail about whose responsibility it is to implement those solutions. Here are some other suggestions:  
  
right now, or at least its scope and gravity,  could not have been imagined ...  
  
For the ~~most time~~ major portion of ~~the~~ human history,  
  
that a substantial and hearty dinner  
  
average and small incomes are much more likely  
  
situation is that a nowadays a wealthy ...  
  
cheap saturated food. {"saturated food" is incorrect, although there is saturated fat}  
  
developed special government  programmes  
  
the person's health if followed for a reasonable ...  
  
unwittingly ignore healthy lifestyles and endanger themselves  
  
whole, which could save ~~up~~ money spent on public health care.
Ainur, I cannot just focus on your grammar. Here at EF I pride myself in helping students develop their overall writing skills and aid in the preparation and passing of exams. I have helped countless students pass their tests because they listen to reason and logic. They want to pass and they ask for proper help to pass. You are asking me to just focus on your grammar problems, when you have a tremendously bigger problem than that which prevents me from accurately assisting you. So you will not see proper improvement in your overall requirements.  
  
Before you can be assisted in improving your grammar, you first need to know which type of test you are taking in and focus on that. You are not even capable of formatting the essay in a proper manner for any of the tests at the moment so focusing on your grammar, when you cannot even write the correct essay will be useless. Decide on your test format first (IELTS or TOEFL) and then I will work on teaching you the proper essay format for the test. After that, I can make suggestions as to how you can best present your essay and along with it, improve your grammar as part of the advisement scenario.  
  
Since you do not want to hear any messages about how wrong your formatting, and in the process, the content of your essay is, which will guarantee that you fail any of the English tests you plan on taking, you need not worry. I am not one to do a disservice to the users of this forum. Since you do not want to get proper help for your essay writing as you want to focus only on grammar, I will not participate in your threads anymore. I refuse to help you with only your grammar corrections because your problem is with content and presentation. If you cannot see that, then you cannot expect to pass any test and I will not be a party to your failure.
@Holt  
I have re-read my essays and your comments, and I guess you are right.  
In my native language (Russian it is), it is common (and actually even desirable) that your first consider all arguments from different angles and only then present your own opinion. From my point of view, this the natural way of thinking (and convincing other people - first facts, then conclusion) .  
  
However, as I see now my knowledge is simply not applicable to the formal writing for the English exam.  
  
What is the difference between writing for TOEFL and IELTS?
Your are applying for a job and need a letter of reference.  
  
## Write a letter to a former teacher

  
  
In your letter:  
- give details of the job  
- explain why it is important to you  
- suggest what information your teacher could put in the reference.  
  
Dear Mr. Smith,  
  
It has been a while since we spoke last time at the graduation and I appreciated the effort of tireless teaching from you which shaped me well in the subject of English back in the day. I am writing this letter to you because I am applying for an English teacher position and I needed a letter of your reference.  
  
To be specific, the job that I am applying is a primary school that near my house and I will be teaching English to the age of six to twelve years old. Basic grammars and oral presentation are the main focuses and I will also be organising many fun activities for them to enhance their concentration in class.  
  
More importantly, it is my first job and it has always been my dream to teach children so therefore, it would be great if you could write me a letter regarding my academic results and also my study preferences overall.  
  
Thanks again for your help and I look forward to your reply.  
  
Best regards,  
  
CJ  
  
Words: 176  
  
Thanks!
SG, let me revise the letter for you because it will be more difficult to show you how to correct your mistakes if I do not do that. Don't worry, I will still be using your original work so you can see how it can be improved from its current format.  
  
*Dear Mr. Smith,  
  
The last time we spoke was at my graduation. I told you back then how much I appreciate your tireless efforts in educating me because it helped shaped me into the person I am today. I am also a better English speaker because of your never ceasing support as I learned the language. I am coming to you today to ask for your help one more time. I hope you can find the time to assist a former student who is still in need of your support.  
  
I am applying to become an English teacher and my application requires me to submit a letter of recommendation. Naturally, my first thought was to approach my favorite teacher from my college days. The application is for a primary school near my residence. The opening is for an English teacher for children ages 6- 12. I am sure that you are quite familiar with the requirements of the job so I won't be repeating it to you.  
  
This will be my first job. You already know that I have been inclined to become an English teacher ever since my college days. With your help, I could make that aspiration a reality. All I need from you is a simple letter of recommendation regarding my academic results and study preferences.  
  
It is with great hope that I look forward to a speedy reply from you.  
  
All the best,*