dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## The data of communication services usage

  
  
The line graph illustrates the proportion of individuals who utilized five different communication services, namely landline, internet, mobile broadband, cellular phone, and fixed broadband over a period of ten years, starting in 1998.  
  
Overall, it can be clearly seen that there has been some growth in all the services over the 10-year period, especially the cellular phone service, which witnessed the highest growth in users and has become the most popular form of communication.  
  
In 1998, the proportion of landline service users was the highest, at 15%. This method of communication remained quite stable. However, in 2008, the number of customers who utilized landline service declined to 10% of customers. By contrast, the figure for cellular phones witnessed an escalating trend that started at 5% in 1998 and skyrocketed to 60% in 2008. Similar to the cellular field, online communication rose progressively by 15% to reach its highest point at 20 users per 100 people, surpassing the number of landline service customers in 2006 and more than this method of communication by 10% in 2008.  
  
In 2002, mobile and fixed broadband had to be introduced. The figure for these services increased slightly, to nearly 3% of inhabitants for each service in 2008. Throughout the period given, the rank of the most attractive services utilized by dwellers changed significantly, with cellular service standing first, followed by internet service and landline service, and finally mobile and fixed broadband service, which was the least popular service.  
  
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While I understand that it is easier for you to write a compressed sentence for the summary overviww, the formst you have chosen to represent your summary does not fully allow for summary clarity due to the confusing flow of information. Too much information is being preented in the single sentence that normally, should be divided into at least 3 sentences. In this case, the more relaxed and easier to remember summary would have been:  
  
Sentence 1 - Image type and discussion focus  
Sentence 2: Listing of image information  
Sentence 3: Start and ending point of the measurement  
Sentence 4: Measurement type  
Sentence 5: Trending sentence (if a paragraph is not necessary)  
  
A sentence is normally considered more informative by the reader when it presents one stand alone piece of information to the reader, within a related paragraph presentation. That is because the information becomes scannable and easier to memorize for the reader When compared to a run -on sentence, the possibility of a confusing grammar presentation is avoided and, a better score can be given to the exam taker.  
  
starting in 1998.  
Although you did mention a decade coverage for the presentation, the mere fact that the starting and ending months are mentioned in the image itself requires you to present the end date as well. Again, this is for clarity purposes and in deference to people who may not have the time to count 10 years as they read your prsentation. Yes, it seems to be a dumbed down way of presenting the information. However, in a task 1 essay, which is based on clear data reporting, informing the reader about highly specific information helps increase your overall score due to the proper use of information and presentation clarity within the paragraphs.  
  
There is a part of this report that requires you to make comparisons where relevant. The overlapping information from 2002 should have been reported in the presentation as an equivalency point where the measurement for landline and cellular phone services were equally represented. That is a pivotal measurement point that you should have mentioned as a part of a proper analysis if the image.
## adult education centre participants

  
  
**The bar chart below shows the numbers of men and women attending various evening courses at an adult education centre in the year 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants.**  
  
The two charts reveal information about the quantity and a various range of age proportion of pedestrians in both sexes enrolling courses for different purposes at a mature centre in the evening in 2009.  
  
In general, there is a striking number of women participating in linguistical classes, whereas the quantity of gentlemen joining painting courses is extraordinary. Following that, as can be seen from the pie chart, people aged above 50 are more likely to attend the courses than the others.  
  
Regarding the bar chart, there were many females, precisely 40, enjoying studying language at an adult centre, which was far more exceeded than those who attended painting course. This figure also illustrated that it was double that of the drama course. In the meantime, the number of males taking up drama and sculpture courses was the lowest amongst four classes, exactly 10, which was also just a half of that taking up a linguistical class. Finally, Painting was the most favourite class that men often enrolled with the quantity being around 25.  
  
Concerning the pie chart, the proportion of people who were above 50 years old, attending evening classes took account of 42%, which was nearly double of those aged from 40 to 49. On the other hand, only 5% of people aged under 20 attended courses in the evening, which was approximately a half and a third of those who were from 20 to 29, and 30 to 39.  
  
Thank you for reading and leaving a comment.  
Hope that you would have a nice day.  
  
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Kindly refer to the original prompt description and instruction for clarification of the summary overview content of your work. Note that the images were identified separate in terms of image representation and content. Therefore, your prompt restatement + trending statement should reflect the original presentation. You did not individually identify the images and related content. You incorrectly identified the images as both graphs, rather than a bar graph and a pie chart, as per the original. This section is already going to be given a failing score for misidentifying the images and incorrectly relating the image information in your restatement. Although you identify a pie chart in your trending statement, it should first be identified as such in the image identifier sentence of the restatement section.
## School Uniform Policy

  
  
School uniform has become an endless discussion over the years. It is believed that students ought to wear school costumes in the academic environment. But many others argue that children should be allowed to wear what they want, what makes them feel comfortable. I totally agree that wearing school clothes is a wonderful thing in their childhood and they had better apparel it.  
  
First of all, uniforms create uniformity among students, a disciplined environment. Each school designs school's costume with its meaning and different feelings of pride. Therefore, when wearing the uniforms, students also comprehend that they always need to make effort to glorify their school's name. Otherwise, putting on a uniform also contributes to the discipline of each student from an early age. That is a significant virtue for very human.  
  
Furthermore, school clothes built up an equal environment among students. There is no distinction between them when they apparel the same costume. No matter who they are, come from the wealthy family or the casual income one, they are all identical; having the duplicate chance to acquire knowledge, confidently show their abilities. Besides, the white shirt is also a symbol for the student, a childhood with many emotions, experiences at the very first stage of life. When going through that time, uniforms remind us of our academic path, which is the happiest, most naive period of our life.  
  
In conclusion, this essay acknowledges that wearing uniforms plays a meaningful role at school. Not only does it create an equal environment, but it is also a good habit for students. It brings students several benefits that we cannot able to deny.
In the prompt restatement, you need to be just as specific as the original prompt when referring to the original discussion basis which is "high school uniforms". Word equivalents should be used to give proper acknowledgement to the premise of the discussion. The equivalent for high school is "secondary education" and uniforms could be attire, dress, or livery. That way the Lexical Resource knowledge of the student can be given an early high assessment in relation to the prompt.  
  
Now, the discussion asks the writer to consider which policy is the best one, not whether he agrees or disagrees with the policies (to an extent). So the response of the writer veered away from the provided discussion consideration. While you did agree or disagree, the correct response format was not utilized (which one you believe to be the correct policy and why). The essay will get a weak TA score due to the existing errors in accuracy and presentation.  
  
You will receive good marks for properly using the discussion reference in the 2 reasoning paragraphs. These are acceptable enough and provide enough of a connection between discussion points to be deemed cohesive. It shows a clear understanding of the prompt. So I guess it was only the lack of English word knowledge that adversely affected the prompt restatement + opinion paragraph?  
  
The concluding summary is acceptable as well. It uses a totally different method of presenting the prompt restatement, the writer's opinion, and the supporting reasons. It should do well in helping improve your final score.As a final note, please work on developing your sentence presentation skills. Although these remain understandable, the lack of proper sentence formation has a tendency to be scored down by the examiner. Focus on connecting word usage in a proper manner.
Hello, there. I am currently preparing my IELTS writing exam, but I am lack of skills of elaboration, and I am practicing on it. Would you please help me check if the paragraph good to convince others, is the logic right? Many thanks!  
  
## How the Internet affect one's critical thinking?

  
  
There are always fake news on the internet which may have negative impacts on one's critical thinking. It is because the government cannot supervise and monitor what people are posting online every moument. This allows people to post things online freely, whatever they want to express, thereby, some of the information they posted in public may be exaggerated the details of which is not true and involve some personal emotions, which would be the negative feelings like hate and jealousy, and convince people to believe it is true. For example, during the pandemic, some people refused to wearing masks because they personally do not prefer it, and they make up with some harmful effects led by wearing masks, or worse cause asphyxiation, and post them online; but in fact, wearing mask does reduce the risk of getting infection of the Covid-19. Spreading those kinds of information can manipulate people feelings and views, which would make them cannot judge and criticize things based on truth or without emotions, because, as human being, we cannot avoid to get influences from others. Thus, the result would be reduction of the individual ability of critical thinking because of manipulation from the internet.
The reasoning is good. The evidence presented is based on public knowledge, the slant supports a clear opinion. The work is acceptable and on point in support of a clear opinion coming from the writer. However, you tend to overwrite in your sentences, which lessens the clarity and discussion focus. Keeping the sentences concise will help you avoid doing that. The formation of your sentences also need some work because the words used are sometimes incomplete or incorrect in the sentence. However, these do not lessen the understanding of the work. You still manage to avoid confusing your reader so your GRA deductions will be less as well. That is not to say that you should not try to write perfect English sentences because you should. That is one of the aims of this test, to see how well you use the English language in explaining your thoughts even though it is only your second language.
If this is for IELTS writing task 2, then it's under the word count. Please make sure you exceed the word count provided otherwise it can cost you points.  
  
While the point made is reasonable, the sentences tend to be quite long. Please make sure to vary your sentence lengths throughout the essay. Your work has good clarification and reflects your stand on the provided prompt quite well. However you can improve more on the clarity though, by using proper vocabularies in the given contexts. There are some grammatical errors such as, '*some of the information they posted in public may be exaggerated the details of which is not true*', should be '*some of the information they **post** in public may have **exaggerated details** which **are** not true*'. Another one is '*we cannot avoid to get influences from others*', which should be *'we cannot avoid to get **influenced by** others'*.  
  
Other than that, it's a good piece of writing for me.
@Wingw  
  
Your structure is pretty clear and easy to read: **Introduction - Example - Conclusion**. However, it would be better if you separate them by paragraphs. Using paragraphs increases your band score because it'll be easier to read, and the message you're trying to convey is clearer.  
  
Also, your band score can also increase if you use personal statements such as "I believe", "In my opinion", "In my experience", etc. instead of taking the general opinion.  
  
I also agree with @kaching00, some sentences can run on too long.  
  
This allows people to post things online ...  
This can be divided into 3 sentences within a paragraph.  
  
Lastly, word processing tools can be useful tools to correct typos and grammatical errors. I often use them to learn how to correctly type certain words and phrases.  
  
Good luck!
## studying language live

  
  
Some people suppose countries English being their mother tongue have the best environment to study this international language, but there are also different ways to master English. From my perspective, I am in support of the statement that not only people living in English-speaking countries can polish this language.  
  
It is undeniable that getting exposed to an English-speaking environment can promote your accent and fluency. A person spending most of his life in England, for instance, speaks this universal language more naturally and fluently than the one living in Asian countries. That is why some language centres having native speakers can attract more students than others.  
  
Secondly, communicating with the locals frequently helps the learners think and speak in English instead of translating for their mother language. Gradually, English becomes their second language but a compulsory one.  
  
Despite the strengths that studying in an English-speaking country have on the table, this way of learning seems to be more suitable for the youngster whose adaptability is better. Adults or the elder who have spoken their language for a long time find it difficult to remember and digest all the vocabulary and definitions in English, so they need some guidance in their mother tongues. Moreover, with the development of cutting-edge technology, people now can easily get access to websites allowing users to connect with native speakers. By this, I mean that people can have their speaking skills improved by practising.  
  
In conclusion, an English-based environment seems to be the best for studying English, but you can also improve your skills in other ways and by practising.
In truth, your restatement is a bit off target when compared to the original. The idea behind the original is that there are various ways to learn to speak the English language. Your presentation asserts that   
  
not only people living in English-speaking countries can polish this language.  
So, there is a slight difference in your prompt understanding and restatement but, your response opinion creatively responds to the provided question. That said, there will be some deductions applied to the prompt restatement, but the response essay score should remain untouched.  
  
Your reasoning paragraphs do not support your opinion for the most part. So expect to get a failing score when it comes to correct prompt response format considerations. You are focusing on how English is best learned in an English country, when your response said there were other ways to learn the language. Sadly, the part that applies to your opinion,  
  
the development of cutting-edge technology... improved by practising.  
This is the response that should have been developed over 2 paragraphs. The advent of technology and how it assists in language learning, along with another reason, such as learning English at local English language learning centers, would have been the most appropriate and best scoring reasoning methods for your opinion.  
  
The essay fails in responding to the task for the most part. It is not, in my opinion, a passing score essay because of the prompt topic alteration and the majority of the non-opinion supporting paragraphs. You have to remember that your reasoning paragraph score will be based on how well you defend your opinion. That means, you do not make any mention of the opposing opinion. Focus only supporting and strengthening your opinion paragraphs because this is a single opinion essay.
## **Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university**

  
These days many people decide to take a job for a few years to get some experience before going to university and I think this is a good idea. However, there are also a number of disadvantages for people to do that.  
  
First of all, working after school can help students get practical experiences ready to go to the academy. For example, if people want to major in marketing in the university, they can take a part-time job in a store or café shop where they can get close with many customers and know exactly what customers want. Moreover, for someone who hasn't known what discipline they will study in university can be easier to find out their true passion. Or students who are not rich also earn an amount of money to help their parents prepare for studying in university.  
  
In the other hand, when students stop to work can forgot theoretical knowledge they studied in secondary and high school, for instance Vietnamese students spent 12 years of life to study in school and if they rest for a few years, then they will not remember it clearly and I think it extremely difficult for them when study in university. Furthermore, they are not mature enough to work in adult-lifestyle and sometimes they will be influenced by bad people around them like gambling, drug addiction and so on.  
  
To sum up, there are both positives and negatives of having a one-year gap between high school and college. One helps students numerous more things in the future and in the other ways might ruin their whole life.
I think this is a good idea.  
Why are you presenting a personal opinion when the prompt does not call for it? The original discussion instruction just asks you to present the advantages and disadvantages of the topic in 2 paragraphs. Nowhere does it as "Do you agree or disagree?" or "Give your opinion". Where none of these 2 instructions are present, no personal opinion is necessary.  
  
The reasoning paragraphs suffer from a convincing debate development. Both paragraphs lack proper explanation and supporting evidence for the reasons provided. Do not offer more than 2 (dis)advantages per paragraph. The scoring basis of these paragraphs will focus on the connectivity and relevance of the discussion points. So reason 1 must be related to reason 2, with the supporting examples and explanations giving credence to both provided reasons. The presentations in your paragraphs fail to make those connections. The reasoning paragraphs are weak and severely under developed.  
  
You were off to a good start in the concluding summary. However, towards the end, there was an unproven claim that one of the 2 discussion points would ruin a person's life. This is an exaggerated and personal claim not really supported in the given discussions. Since this is a mere restatement of the topic and discussion points, any semblance of a personal opinion or obvious exaggerations should be avoided.
The introduction could have a bit more work done on it. For example, the sentences are too long and wordy. Introduce the discussion about advantages and disadvantages first before giving your stance on the topic.  
  
The number of advantages you list can be divided into two paragraphs, where you can develop them coherently better, like the point about students finding their passion through work experience cold have it's own explanation in a separate paragraph.  
  
The disadvantage paragraph seems quite disconnected from the earlier paragraph as in there is little link between them.  
  
The conclusion also became quite farfetched with the *'can ruin their whole life'* line because you did not indicate any such ideas in the previous paragraphs.
**Question:**  
*Nowadays most green energy is becoming ever more prevalent in both developed and developing countries. Some argue they greatly reduce costs and are better for the environment, others believe they are a serious threat to energy security.*  
  
## Discuss both views and give your opinion.

  
  
**My essay:**  
In this day and age, there are many competing arguments about the effects of increasingly using renewable energy over the world. Some people claim that the trend is detrimental to the security of supplying energy on a global scale, while I believe that its advantages are more significant for both citizens and the environment.  
  
On the one hand, there are several reasons to support the idea that environmentally friendly energy is less reliable for the energy demand of people. The main reason is that many green energy technologies depend on changeable and unpredictable phenomena such as wind, rain and cloud cover. Solar energy, for instance, depends on the frequency of sunlight at where the panels are placed, therefore, a few days of cloudy could result in a blackout if our main energy source is solar power. Otherwise, there would be not sufficient area for installing a field of solar panels or wind turbine farms in order to ensure energy for all activities of citizens in a region, resulting in a lower limit of power generated compared to other kinds of energy.  
  
On the other hand, in my opinion, the benefits of renewable energy could offset the drawbacks above. Firstly, the sources of green energy, including sunlight, wind, water and so forth, are infinite. Using those kinds of energy could save a large sum of looking out for new sources of fossil fuel. Secondly, alternative energy also generates almost no harmful chemical wastes and emissions, such as carbon dioxide, in the production processes. Therefore, reducing environmental pollution as well as improving human health in the long run.  
  
In conclusion, although green energy is a threat to energy security, I believe that this type of energy could greatly mitigate the costs and is much better for our environment. (296 words)  
  
**/Thanks in advance!/**