dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***The pie chat below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during 1990s. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons relevant.***  
  
The pie chart provides an information about the main caused by unproductive farmland. Closerly look, the table another explanation based on their region. Overall, raising animals in the openland caused the highest number of degradation and the region who did it the most is Europe.  
  
Based on the data, there are three major factor which divided the chart more than one per quarter. The highest percentage among the others was using land for animals in wide area so they can easily eat grass. The second factor was illegal lodging about 30 percent . However, other factor got the smallest percentage in under ten percent.  
  
Dividing area of how the land degradated, the table put three regions. With the total farmland lost, Europe ranked the first position with 23 percent and still became number one for cutting the tress from the forest and over cultivation. The shocking result came from Oceania which this region had zero percent cultivation although the last position of degradation land was secured by North America.  
  
*
hallo, dinartika13. I have suggestion for you.  
  
The pie chart *provides* ==>(you can paraphrase the word with describes, illustrates, shows, intences) an information about the main ...  
Closerly look, what do you mean? the table another explanation ...  
Overall,**it can be seen that,** raising animals in the openland ...  
  
... there are three major factors which divided the chart...  
... smallest percentage in under ten percents .  
  
... Europe ranked the first position with 23 percents and ...
Teachers are needed for everyone, for basketball players, tennis players, gymnasts, or bridge player. To get better, we need advice from people. The teacher is the one who should get advice as they have a responsibility to educate the nation's future.  
  
Until now, almost 98 percent of teachers are just getting comments with one word: Excellent. Now, many areas are being changed the way they evaluate teachers, but we still did not give them feedback to help them improve themselves. Teachers deserve better. The system that we have today is not fair for them, also for the students.  
  
Let's start by asking who is the good teachers. Unfortunately, there is no international ranking table in the feedback system for teachers. So I look to countries where their students academic rank pretty good, and see what they do to help their teachers improve.  
  
Let's look at the places with the best academic performance: Shanghai Province in China is the best place in the affairs of education. One key to the success of Shanghai is how they help teachers to constantly improve themselves with their system. They made sure the junior teachers got a chance to see senior teachers work. They have weekly study groups where teachers get together and talk about the ways that work. They even requires each teacher to observe and give advice to their colleagues.  
  
why a system like this is important? Because there is so much diversity in teaching. Some teachers teach more effectively than others. So we need a system that helps teachers to be the best. What kind of system it later? our foundation has worked with 3,000 teachers across the country region through a project called Measuring Effectiveness of Teaching. Observers watch the video of teachers who are teaching and assessing how the teachers teach. And we found very interesting. First, the teachers that worked well during the observation has a much better student. So we know the questions we got it right. Secondly, the teachers in the program said that the video and the survey of these students is a diagnostic tool that is very useful for those with very specific show sides that they can fix to improve teaching strategies, teaching methodologies, classroom management and I, together with all the different sides of my classroom.  
  
Impact for teachers will be enormous. Finally we have a way to give feedback and also how to proceed. This system will be able to ensure that our students get a good education, find a job that is fulfilling and rewarding and got the chance to realize their dreams.
Hello  
You have a good summary  
I have some corrections  
  
*Let's* start by asking who is ...  
~~So~~ thus, I look to **the** countries where (...) see what they do to ~~help their teachers improve~~ improve their teacher ability.  
*Let's* look at the places with ...  
*They* made sure the junior teachers got ...  
*They* have weekly study groups where  
*They* even requires each teacher to ...  
  
~~So~~ Therefore, ~~we~~ people need a system that ...  
... who are teaching and assessing **also**how the teachers teach. ~~And~~ Next, ~~we~~ people found *very interesting*.  
~~So~~ Thus, ~~we~~ people know the questions ...  
... of these students is a diagnostic tool*that* is very useful for (...) show sides*that* they can fix to improve teaching **which are** strategies, teaching methodologies, ...  
  
You can use another words in the repeated words.  
You can explain what the interesting part in second paragraph at line four.
probably it can become the corrections.  
  
the sentence "They even requires" is better to be changed "They even require".  
  
the word "why a system like this is important?", we can make it "why is a system like this important?", because it is question word.  
  
the sentence "the video and the survey of these students is" can be changed to be the video and the survey of these students are" because the subject is plural  
  
and I, together with all the different sides of my classroom, where is verb? you can add verb after I.  
  
thanks..
Hi Kiroro,  
  
Your essay is really inspiring. Thanks for that, as a teacher, I do agree with your statement as you say "the system that we have today is not fair for teachers and for students too". Your statement is really described a real fact about teachers at this entire globe, espesially in my country, Indonesia.  
  
As far as noticed, I only found one sentence that seems awkward. Let me show you  
  
-The teacher is the one who should GET ADVICE as they have a ...  
  
I think you should change the words GET ADVICE become GAIN KNOWLEDGE  
  
Thank, I do hope It's useful for you.
**Many employees may work at home with modern technology. Some people claim that it can benefit only the workers, not the employers.  
  
Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## both, workers and employers can benefit from the work-at-home system

  
  
In the advance of technology, in current era, some employers decide to run their business online, so the workers can independently work at home. There are several reasons why I believe that it is beneficial to both sides.  
  
The first reason for this is that it saves time for employees and the employers. In this modern era, the workers working at home can do their jobs and send as fast as click of a button, and the employers can instantly receive them in the same way. In this way, both of them do not have to spend any time to commute from their home to their workplace. Holding a meeting has come with no issue, because they can have it via online-video-call system, namely Skype, so that it benefits to both, and they do not have to waste their time on transportation.  
  
Economically, it also saves money. In employers' view, they can save the budget up by having a virtual office, because they do not have to rent a building as a workplace. At the same time, the workers do not have to pay for tickets or buy fuels, and also they can have a freedom to do whatever they want when they do not have much work to do, for instance when they are done with their job, they can do their hobbies, have a quality time with their loved one, do their chores or even take a side job.  
  
To sum up, it is advantageous to both sides. Even though, the are disadvantages, they are a really minor matter. In this technological period, workers and employers can benefit from this system, bringing them to the efficiency of time and money and time flexibility.
Hi Joniputr4,after reading your summary, i have some suggestions, perhaps useful for you.  
  
1.In the advance of technology, in current era,----> i suggest you to use "In this era in which advance of technology has been spreading"  
  
2. The first reason ~~for this~~ is ~~that~~ it can saves time for ...  
3.... because they can ~~have~~ it via [...] because they can do it via ...  
  
be careful with punctuation.
***Some people say that in the modern world it is very difficult for people to have a healthy lifestyle. Others, however, say that it is easy for people to be healthy and fit if they want to be  
  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.***  
  
These days, healthy lifestyle has become a trend among most of inhabitants. What kind of food they eat, how many time they go to gym and what yoga course they take are being concerned mostly by the majority of citizens. Thus, this new trend eventually lead them to a healthy life even though another group of people find it is still difficult to be run.  
  
Many people assume that healthy lifestyle means improving lifestyle cost. Consuming oorganic food, for instance, is something that is considered asa luxury. Besides, bad habit like consuming junk food which has been being done by most people also takes big role of the reason why live healthy life is difficult. Nevertheless, I am convinced that it is not hard to live healthy lifestyle as long as the subject itself has a strong willing for it.  
  
On the other hand, some societies find it easy beacuse they only need to be discipline to live healthy life. Exercise, taking some rest, and balanced diet are the main points that build healthy lifestyle, I think. People do not need to go to gym to do exercise, even walking pass some metres around office to find a restaurant in break time can be counted as an exercise. It is as simple as that.  
  
All in all, it seems that the intention determines ifhealthy lifestyle is difficult or easy to be run. Either he/she is busy or not, they first thing should be questioned is how far someone wants a healthy lifestyle.
Hi Hujjatul..  
i have no doubt that you are great in writing, but lemme give you some corrections.  
  
... and what yoga course they ~~take~~ are being concerned (double verb)  
  
... lead them to have a healthy life even though ...  
  
Consuming ~~oorganic~~ organic food, for instance (where? ), is something... (make it clear) that is considered as a luxury.
Hi Husnul, I have a few remarks for your concluding paragraph.  
  
Conclusion  
  
- ~~All in~~Over all, it seems  
- that the ~~intention determines if~~determination to have a healthy lifestyle is difficult  
- Either ~~he/she is busy or not, they~~way, the first  
- thing to be done should be questioned  
- is, how far can someone  
- ~~wants a~~go for a healthy lifestyle.  
  
There you have it Husnul, I concentrated on the last paragraph on your essay as I believe that this is the part that needs improvement. Overall, you made quiet a strong and well managed essay, you made sure that all the necessary points are covered and you highlighted the facts following your claims on being healthy and living a healthy lifestyle. I believe that, indeed, with all the choices we have in choosing our diet, it's a struggle to eat and choose a healthy diet and at the end of the day, the choice we make is the person we become.  
  
I hope the insights and remarks help in your revision and should you need further assistance, do let us know and we will be here for you.
Hallo Hajjatul  
These following correction are suggested for your writing :  
  
... become a a trend IN SOCIETY ~~trend among most of inhabitants~~ . What kind of food they eat, how ~~many time~~ OFTEN they go to gym and what yoga ~~course~~ they take are being concerned BY THEM ~~mostly by the majority of citizens~~ .  
  
... though another group of people ~~find it is still difficult to be run~~ (Sound littlebit awkward ).  
  
... means increase ~~improving~~ lifestyle cost. Consuming o organic food, for instance, it is something ~~that is~~ considered as~~a~~ luxury food.  
Nevertheless, I ~~am~~ convinced that it is not hard to live healthy ~~lifestyle~~ as long as t~~he s~~~~ubject itself~~ having a strong willing for it.  
  
... discipline to live healthylife . Exercise, taking some rest, and balanced diet are the main points that build healthy lifestyle, I think.  
  
**Note:  
Please bear on your mind about miss spelling, and sentence cohrency, avoid repetition,**  
  
Thanks  
Best Regard  
Ifan21
***Some people say that in the modern world it is very difficult for people to have a healthy lifestyle. Others, however, say that it is easy for people to be healthy and fit if they want to be  
  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.***  
  
your feedback is so welcome ...  
  
Most people believe lives in the modern era with cutting-edge technology makes society complicated to keep fit with a good lifestyle. Others said it easier for human to be healthy if people have a strong desire. I tend to agree that technology makes citizen have more invention to maintain their health.  
  
Sophisticated technology makes people's lives more convenient. This is one of the most reason why people careless about their healthy because human was spoiled by device. For example, using technology such as smartphone makes people unnecessary to visit their siblings because this device is help to stay at home and use some applications to send a messages. As an impact, people seldom doing some activities or move their body and finally feel unwell. There is no doubt that excessive usage of technology can also damage the eyes due to screen of smartphone.  
  
On the other hand, most people still preserve their condition to keep fit eventough human routines always accompanied by cutting-edge technology. This is because people realize that to maintain health is important. For instance, utilize some applications in smartphone to help and upgrade terms of exercising. Consequently, a lot of people still protect their health such as running in the morning weekend  
  
Overall, the public should not be affected by the latest technology, health aspects are also essential for people's circumstance. Although human are spoiled by technology, it is not to be affected to move. After that, usage restrictions are also important because of eyesight problem.
Last week, Hungarian conservationist started to relocate Vojvodina mole rats as part of an effort to relocate them to safety. Vojvodina mole rats are very rare species with around 400 individuals left in the world and inhabit only in Hungary and the province of Vojvodina in Northen Serbia. Hungarian government are planned to build a new solar power plant outside the Kiskunsagi National Park where some of mole rat population live.  
  
Otherwise, Hungarian government erected a fence to deter refugees from entering the country. The fence could physically isolate the mole rat population in half and will speed up its extinction. To overcome this problem, the rangers already build an artificial burrow half a meter below the surface. meanwhile, conservationist are lobbying the government to restrict development of the solar plant on the site of the largest mole-rat population.
Hi Yonathan,after reading your summary, i have some suggestions, perhaps useful for you.  
1.started to ~~relocate~~ Vojvodina mole rats as part of an effort to relocate them to safety ---->started to relocated Vojvodina mole rats as part of an effort to moved the to safe place  
  
2. 400 individuals left in the world and inhabit only in Hungary and the province of Vojvodina ...----> 400 individuals left in the world in which inhabit only in the province of Vojvodina, Hungary in Northen Serbia  
  
3.Park where some of mole rat population----->Park where some of mole rats population
**The chart below gives information about Someland's main exports in 2005, 2015, and future projections for 2025.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
The bar chart shows three goods exported from Someland in the past, and the future measured in billion dollars.  
As seen, export for dairy products dominated Someland's export in 2015. This is projected to be overtaken by International tourism which will outnumber in 10 years later.  
  
Almost 5 billion US dollars of dairy products were exported from Someland in the initial year. In the following year, this figure reached a peak at nearly 8 billion dollars which meant that is experiences the most significant increase among others by virtually 3 billion dollars although this is predicted to decrease slightly for over 7 billion dollars in 2015.  
  
Another noticeable export over 3 different years is international tourism which presents an upward trend begun with over 6 billion dollars. This sector will become the highest number of Someland's exports in the former year which rises by 2 billion dollars during period given by the graph. Meanwhile, export of meat products will decline rapidly from 4 billion dollars to just under 3 billion dollars in the future projections.  
  
(175 words)  
  
*
Hi Eka..  
In this time, I focus on your contents solely. Actually, this is a good job, but I wanna give you a few suggestions to enhance your score.  
  
dominated Someland's export in 2015  
I feel there is an odd situation. That is an overview, but you describe the period detailed. Following that, why you only mentioned the condition in 2015 whereas meat products also dominated in 2005. You should find the other general situation. It can be represented like this  
  
ALL COMMODITIES EXPORTED TO OTHER COUNTRIES HAVE INCREASED SIGNIFICANTLY. HOWEVER, THERE IS AN ODD CIRCUMSTANCE WHERE A SECTOR OF INTERNATIONAL TOURISM IN A PROJECTION IS GOING TO SHOW A SMALL DECLINE.  
  
lmost 5 billion US dollars of dairy products were exported from Someland in the initial year. In the following year, this figure reached a peak  
*I remember that I ever told you about the prompt of the writing task1. In this matter, your job is to compare the figures relevant. You cannot describe them separately. Turning to the first body paragraph, it is clear that you only review about one figure. That seemed that you play safely. It doesn't matter if you do that, However, you cannot reach the score more than 6.*  
  
I hope these can help you. You should review my notes and make it alarm for you when you write task 1. My point is that you have to have a bravery to compare.  
  
Keep Fighting..  
GOOD LUCK  
:D
*This summary is extracted from an article published on the New york time, on June 2015. The original title is " Dating with schizophrenia".*  
  
Michael Hedrick shared his experience about living with woman who suffer schizophrenia. Hedrick is a writer in Boulder, Colo. His love story began through the soul mate website called match.com. He made a long conversation with the girl he finally loved after they meet. Actually Hedrick is a kind of man who is easily to fall in love. Although this memorable relationship should be ended due to the fact that Hedrick was paranoid of being insulted by other people. He states that the biggest difficulty living with schizophrenia is a rather crazy feeling that comes from his paranoia, moreover when he also gets too much pressure about his job, it supports him feel more stressful. Now, Hedrick prefer to be 'mantra', a kind of person who do not chase any girl but just stay cool to impress the right girl.
Hey Chaca....  
You've done a great job, these following corrections are subjected to you :  
  
MichaelHedrick,writer in Boulder, Colo, shared his experience ... ~~Hedrick is a~~ . His love story began through the soulmate's website ...  
... he finally loved after they m~~e~~ et.  
Although ~~this~~ their memorable relationship (It is better if you change this into "their" possession ) should be ended due to (...) by other people (may you need sometimes to change common word into less common "sorrounding/college/peers etc." ).  
  
... biggest difficulty living with woman suffering schizophrenia is a rather crazy feeling ...  
  
**Note  
It is please to correct your essay, your writing easy to understand and great**
**Why You Should Talk to Strangers (TED Summary)**  
  
In our daily life, we often meet strangers or our neighbors in the street and we greet them with meaningless greeting. Nowadays people have a mindset that strangers is culprit, they can injure us and we should to be wary to them. On the other side, most of them have warmhearted. On top of that, people still think that to be friendly with strangers is weird action. Of course, It can be difficult to make interaction with strangers, however, using that perception is the easier way . The upside that using our senses better than fears is that we can gain intimacy in terms of lead to emotional resonance and meaning. The research shows that people usually feel more enjoy when they are open their inner selves to strangers compared their friend or family. Because it is easy to share story with someone that we never meet again, so it has lack consequences. People also obtain a pleasure experiences when we could tell our whole story. Despite the fact that we need to be kind to strangers, there are some rules depend on where do you live and we must realize when we should be friendly or not.
Hello sari,  
  
Nowadays people have a mindset that strangers ~~is~~ are culprit, they ...  
  
... however, using that perception is the easier way .  
  
The upside that using our senses better than fears ~~is~~ that we can gain intimacy ...  
  
The ~~research~~ data shows that people usually feel ...  
  
People also obtain a pleasure experiences when we could tell our whole story.  
  
hope these help
Hi sari, here is my thought  
  
Nowadays, people have a mindset that strangers ~~is~~are culprit,  
  
using that perception is the easie~~r~~t way  
  
The upside ~~that~~of using our senses is better than fears ~~is~~ that we can gain intimacy in terms ...  
  
so it has lack of consequences.  
  
That's it. I wish it could be useful.  
Best Regard
hi sari trisna,,let me see and give you some advices  
  
..., we often meet strangers or ~~our~~~~neighbors~~neighbours in the street and we greet ...  
Nowadays, people have a mindset that strangers ~~is~~are culprit, they can ~~injure~~hurt us and we should to be ~~wary~~worry to them.  
... people usually feel more enjoy when they ~~are~~ open their inner selves to strangers ~~compared~~than their friend or family. Because it is easy to share a story with someone (...) so it has lack of consequences.  
  
#you use a simple way and sentences more,,you have to increase your ability to build sentences