dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Dear,  
please help me in my writing correction. exam is soon. hope this time i will do well with the help of you.  
  
**Nowadays animal experiments are widely used to develop new medicines and to test the safety of other products. some people argue that these experiments should be banned because it is morally wrong to cause animals to suffer, while others are in favor of them because of their benefits to humanity.  
  
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.**  
  
## help or cruelty?

  
  
nowadays , animals are being used in medical researchers. Such researches are hold up by a few, while another group is more care about animal right. This essay will discuss both the views, followed by my opinion.  
  
Scientists should use alternative methods of research instead of experimenting on animals.To measure the effectiveness of drugs, some animals are commonly used. These activities not only hurt them, but also cause them to die early. If animals are continuously used for this, they may extinct soon which might have adverse impact on the environment. Therefor, experiment on animals should be banned.  
  
However, medical science is depended on animal experimentation greatly. Even most researchers prefer animals to test new drugs as some animals' DNA is identical to humans' DNA. if using animals is stopped, such researches become impossible to carry. For this reason, experience on animals is considered as a legal activity for medicals' inventions.  
  
In my opinion,animals can be used only to invent new medicine which is significant impact on human's life. Indeed there is no suitable substitutes of animals to carry researches.Nonetheless, misused of animals must be prevented. In fact people need to avoid animals in producing cosmetic products. So I would say that people can use animals if it need for medical purpose.  
  
It is apparent that animals testing is only a way to resolve existing health issues. Also this has enormous potential to bring new inventions to new concerns.Although some are against for this, I would opine that animal experiments should not be banned for the invention of medicines.
There are 2 topics for combined discussion in this essay. These topics are medical research and product safety tests. You focused only on medical testing in your response. This creates only a partially prompt responsive essay. That means your TA score will somewhere in the 3-4 range only. That does not bode well for your overall score. Once you only partially respond to the essay, the most important scoring element is immediately given the lowest possible score. The remaining 3 criteria will not be able to pull up your score because of your sentence development and vocabulary problems. Your prompt paraphrase is also problematic as it does not really coherently present the topic for discussion and discussion instruction. If you double check your work, you will see that you also started off the essay with a lower case letter, which is a violation of English writing rules. The first letter of every sentence is always capitalized. Basically, your essay is acceptable in some parts, problematic in most parts. You need to strengthen your English grammar skills. Learn how to develop coherent sentences otherwise, you will always be scoring low based on that consideration.
## Letter of complaint

  
  
***please evaluate my letter based on criteria with band score.***  
  
*my question is bellow  
-is it right format, I mean i write in semi-formal way.  
- can it be better to write such letter in formal way or not.  
- which part i need to more develop to make it a very good letter*  
  
**You and your family are living in a rented accommodation in an English speaking country. You are not satisfied with the condition of some of the furniture.  
  
· introduce yourself  
· explain what is wrong with the furniture  
· say what action you would like the landlord to take**  
  
Dear Mr Apurba,  
  
I am Purba, your tenant from flat number 160 on Rankin Street, Wari. Hope you are doing great. I am writing in connection with the faulty condition of the dining table that you provided as part of rental agreement.  
  
I am fully disappointed with the household stuff. The legs of the table are unequal in length causing awful situations daily. Miserably, my mom could not place all the prepared dishes on it because of a probability of the recipes being split. In fact it creates several irritating moments in front of our guests, while we serve food on it. For this reason, now we are not enjoying our dinner and lunch at our place.  
  
Whereas I signed the contract, you assured me that the table would be replaced soon. In spite of staying more than two months, it has not been solved. If you could find a replacement for this to make our stay comfortable, it would be highly appreciated.  
  
Looking forward to hearing from your side.  
  
Yours' sincerely  
  
Purba
The casual or formal method of writing will be indicated in the prompt requirements. Letters to friends are casual and friendly in tone, business letters, such as this one, are formal and academic in presentation. In this instance, you chose the wrong tone for writing this letter. This should have been formal in presentation and discussion.  
  
The letter lacks information. You can't just say you are Purba, provide your full name, date of occupancy, and specifics of the contract regarding your furniture agreement. You don't need to ask how your landlord is doing. Again, this is a business letter, not a friendly casual letter. If you truly want to get a higher score in the test, you have to learn the proper meaning of English words. Don't just use words because it sounds proper, that is not how vocabulary works. The meaning has to be correct even if the word sounds strange to you. There are also certain words, that should not be used because it does not make any sense in the overall meaning of the sentence.  
  
You must be consistent in your content presentation. If you are talking about just a dining table, then don't say ""household stuff" because that means you are unhappy with all the furniture, not just the table. Don't say "miserably" because that does not flow with the overall context of the sentence. You simply could have said "My mother could not place.." The term is not "split" which means to divide but rather "spilled" which means to overflow or "spill".  
  
Scoring wise, I think it would be as follows:  
  
TA - 6  
C&C - 5  
LR - 4  
GRA - 3  
  
I know these scores are low, but you get a high score for the TA section, which is very good for someone of your English skills and level. You also do decently in terms of delivering the content of the paragraphs. You just need to focus on the 3 remaining points where you need marked improvement in order to get a higher final overall score.
Hi every one, I am writing an essay about fraudulents. If you do correction my prompt academically, I will be glad. Thank you.  
  
## banking frauds

  
  
I am interested in solving any tangled problems, and I am the best one at it. Fraudulents are occurred frequently in our bank and one of them is to increase the profit of the bank. This is related to a system that promotes management team gets paid higher reward when bank's profits are higher. Once, I detected that there is a kind of fraud which is artificial profit during the financial statements auditing and I stopped immediately this offense.
Jadambaa, you cannot be helped with regards to your posting because the whole paragraph does not make any sense. It does not follow the English grammar rules and I cannot figure out what it is you are trying to say. If you are writing this as a response to a masters degree application question, then you are not doing a very good job at it. The subject and message of your statement is unclear. As is are your professional references. I am not even sure if you are talking about fraud here because normally, banks do not engage in fraud but their clients do. That are just too many confusing statements and improperly used English words for a proficient English speaker of ESL or a native English speaker to be able to help you clean up this statement. Try not to think in your native tongue when writing in English. Think in English then try writing in English. That usually helps to make better sense of the statement. If you know someone who has taken English classes, ask that person to help you. If you tell that person what you want to say in your native tongue, maybe he or she can up with a better worded, more coherent English translation for you. Right now, this statement is not making any sense so it is difficult to help you.
## working mothers - kids issue

  
  
**Ielts Question:** The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?  
  
**My opinion:**  
In the tradition family setting, mothers usually pay all their attention on their family while fathers go to work and earn money. The role of mothers has changed, and they have begun to work; however, it may lead teenagers become rebellious. I think married women who work are not associate with those problems because not all the responsibility should be blamed on mothers, and teenagers have their freedom to explore.  
  
First and foremost, not all the responsibility should be blamed on mothers. This is a cliche idea that mother should be the role to take care of children traditionally. For example, it is ridiculous that the kids grown up in singled family would involve in crimes because their mothers work. If the mother work and the kids stay at home, they will cook and tidy up by themselves, so that they become more independent. Moreover, school is the institution for kids to learn and stay in the most of their earlier life. They learn the moral and ethics in there. Therefore, children should take their own responsibility.  
  
In addition, teenagers have their freedom to explore the world. Teenagers have their own thoughts, and they are capable to classify what is right or wrong. Therefore, they own their decisions. If mothers always take care of her children, both of them will get tired in mental health. For example, teenagers want to take drugs without noticing their mothers because they know that is illegal. Sometimes it is hard for parents to check their children frequently, for the reason that they know it will damage their relationship.  
  
To conclude, I think many married women work and are not at home to care for their children is not the main reason that cause teenagers' problems because children should be responsible and they have their decisions. So, young people should be aware of what they are doing.  
  
I hope you guys could help me and give me some sugguestions about my writing.  
Don't be kind to me, please be harsh! :)  
Thank you
Hi so11123, I thought your writing was pretty understandable in this essay. Maybe your thesis statement could have been more specific in stating exactly to what extent you disagree. In your first paragraph, you could have connected the dots a little better and explcitly state that living in single parent homes actually makes kids more responsible, not less. You have the statements there, but you could have connected them more effectively. Your second body paragraph was less clear - it sounds like you are saying that single mothers have a disadvantage because they cannot keeps tabs on their kids as easily, but that goes against your thesis. Here are some specific suggestions:  
  
In the traditional family setting,  
  
mothers usually focus all their attention  
  
however, this shift may lead teenagers to become rebellious.  
  
who work are not associated with those problems  
  
responsibility should be placed on mothers, {or "not all the blame should be placed on"}  
  
First and foremost, not all the responsibility should be blamed on mothers. {this is still incorrect and now you have repeated the error - try to avoid repetition, even of correct words and phrases ;) }  
  
It is a cliche idea that mothers should be the role to take care of children traditionally. {this last phrase is confusing to me{  
  
the kids who grow up in single-parent families would become involved in crimes  
  
the mother works and the kids stay at home  
  
institution for kids to learn and where they spend most of their time in early life.  
  
They learn morals and ethics  ~~in~~ there.  
  
children should take ~~their own~~ responsibility for their own actions  
  
they are capable of classifying what is right or wrong.  
  
If mothers spend all their time taking care of their children,... get tired and their mental health will suffer.  
  
take drugs without ~~noticing~~ their mothers finding out because ...  
  
To conclude, I think the trend in which many ...  
  
main reason that causes teenagers' problems
## advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad

  
  
Studying abroad refers to studying overseas in a university for a specific period of time. Nowadays, many students attempt to study abroad in foreign countries. This essay is going to talk about the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad.  
  
To begin with the positive points. Firstly, studying abroad allow the students to be more independent. For example, students will look after themselves and their affairs. Secondly, it will improve their communication skills. For instance, students can learn how to interact with other people, and talk English fluently. Lastly,  
  
Moving onto the negative points. First, it requires a lot of money. In this regards,  
  
I'm not sure about the ideas. i"m really terrible making ideas.  
i just need some ideas for advantages and disadvantages (180 words )
Hussain, you just need to learn how to brainstorm for ideas regarding given topics. For this essay, you could have thought about how you would benefit from studying abroad. If you were a student looking to study in a foreign country, what would have been your reasons for doing so? What excited you the most about this idea? What do you think you would miss the most about home during that time? These are guide questions that can help you develop your response to such an essay prompt. Remember, brainstorming for these ideas are best done on a personal level if and when you are not familiar with the popular opinion regarding the topic. For this topic, I would have discussed only one specific merit and one specific demerit because of the 180 word limitation. That way, you only have to think of one idea per discussion provided. So for the merit, I would discuss how studying abroad helps a student to become self reliant and resilient. For the demerit, I would explain how culture shock could make it difficult for a student to adjust to his new learning and living environment without his family there to support him.
@hassonmax  
some corrections are bellow  
  
Studying abroad ~~refers~~  is a lucrative way to ~~studying~~  educate those who have no proper facilities in thier home country.~~overseas in a ... of time. Nowadays,~~ For this a number of ~~many~~ students attempt to study ~~abroad~~ in foreign countries. This essay ~~is going to talk~~  will discuss ~~about~~  the advantages ...  
  
Dear  
i think you need first read more and more sample answer before writing.
***Some people prefer to live in a house, while others feel that there are more advantages to living in an apartment. Are there more advantages than disadvantages of living in a house compared with living in an apartment?***  
  
## convenient housing issue

  
  
There is an ongoing discussion regarding the convenient housing in terms of living facilities. Although houses offer specific attractions to live, apartments have beneficial facts. This essay will discuss whether the better accommodation is houses or apartments comparing their advantages and disadvantages.  
  
Houses are usually spacious than apartments, this is a remarkable fact of it. This provides people the opportunities to pursue hobbies such as gardening. Pursuing such hobby is quite impossible in apartment complex. Thus, house has becomes a more preferable place to live as well as enjoying time. Hence, houses are superior to apartments in terms of having more space.  
  
Apartment living, however; is cost-effective to maintain as it is smaller than house. Energy consumption is less in apartment; even its maintenance cost is much cheaper. For this an apartment is more efficient, whereas a house is cost consuming. Therefore, apartment is more convenient place to live in term of cost.  
  
Furthermore, apartment is safer living as it has better security system. It has not only trained gourds, but also CCTV cameras to monitor unusual thing. In this way its residents feel more secure living here. This is hard to find out in a house living indeed. Consequently, apartment complex is regarded as a safety place than a house.  
  
It is apparent that both accommodations have their own strong sides which influence on lifestyle different ways. That is why people are divided in two opinions in this regard.I would opine that advantages of apartment living overweight house's advantages to lead a busy life.
You have some great points, but your sentences are somewhat awkward. I'll give you some minor suggestions for a couple of them to show you what I mean. Sometimes it helps to read the sentences outloud, expecially for beginning writers. Do your sentences flow as if you are having a conversation? If not, trying changing the sentences up so that they do sound conversational. I'll change a couple of the sentences up for you to show you what I mean:  
  
... specific advantages for daily life, apartments have beneficial qualities as well.  
... or apartments as well as comparetheir advantages and disadvantages.  
  
Read your sentences outloud, then read these outloud. I think you will see what I mean.
Fiza, this is again, a single point of view essay that you turned into a comparison essay. Unless there is a specific mention to discuss both the advantage and disadvantage of the situation, you should focus the 3 body paragraph on totally supporting the discussion that you support. There is only one side to the thoroughly discussed and exemplified in this essay and it is the side that you support. I do not really read any indication of you taking one side of the issue in your discussion. There is no midway discussion here. The question is clear, either you believe there are more (did)advantages to living in a house rather than an apartment. This essay is indirectly instructing you to discuss it based on a personal preference for one type of living situation. You must learn to analyze the instructions you are provided and thoroughly understand / consider what the best discussion type for the essay is. It is unfortunate that you seem to have serious problems with the analysis of the essay instructions. You need to review the samples here and remember how each type of discussion instruction differs from the next one. Otherwise, you will not be able to improve and have a chance of passing the test.
*Scientists and the news media are presenting ever more evidence of climate change. Governments ...*  
  
## preventing further damage to the planet

  
  
From recent reports, the Earth faced a huge environmental problem such as climate change. However, governments do not want to take responsibility for protecting this planet saying "for prevent future damages each individual have to change their lifestyle". Is it right or not? I will discuss it in this essay. Firstly, there lot of actions that can be controlled only by governments such as, emission of greenhouse and toxic gasses from factories and industries that create the water, air and soil contamination . Also the government can encourage people to reduce engine vehicle fumes by riding on a bike, taking a bus or walking, that could led to declining of air pollution. Only by governments consent nonrenewable resources could be replaced by renewable such as, water, wind and sun power. They can help to create new clean technologies which will not pollute our world.  
  
Secondly, all people should realize that all environmental issues made by human activities and they are responsible for it. Therefore, by changing daily lifestyle of people, the future damages could be prevented. For example, people can use less electricity, installing energy efficient technologies. Also each individual should reduce the waste disposal by human being. For instance, instead of littering the environment, waste should be ejected at trash container or recycling bin, this will lead to better and clean future.  
  
In conclusion, by describing both sides' impact on environment and world protection, I firmly believe that cooperation of government and each individual will succeed in preventing further damage to the planet.
TOEFL writing task 2:  
*Some people believe that when busy parents do not have a lot of time to spend with their children, the best use of that time is to have fun playing games or sports. Others believe that it is best to use that time doing things together that are related to schoolwork. Which of the two approaches do you prefer?*  
  
A. (306 words)  
  
## limited time of busy parents

  
  
While some people believe that when busy parents do not have a lot of time to spend with their children, the best use of that time is to do things together that are related to schoolwork instead of having fun playing games or sports, other disagree. Personally, busy parents should spend their time with children on doing things that are related to schoolwork since they care about children's future, study, and ability.  
  
First, parents care about their children's study and if they use that time to do things related to schoolwork with children, it can help improving their children's study. For example, if parents spend time teaching their children who are not good at math, it might help their children to get higher score and to have more interesting at math. Then, they will be more confident of themselves and more easily to get a job having a better future.  
  
On the other hand, spending time with children having fun playing games or sports might be negative to their children. That is to say, if parents play a video game with their children whenever they have time, because of the happy time with parents, their children might love the video game and want to spend more and more time on it. Therefore, they waste a lot of time and have less time to study. Accordingly, busy parents should use their time with children on doing things that are related to schoolwork instead of having fun together playing games or sports.  
  
All in all, the best use of the limited time of busy parents is to do things together that are related to schoolwork instead of having fun playing games or sports. That is, since they care about children's future, study and ability, spending time to do things together that are related to schoolwork is more appropriate.  
  
-----  
I'm not sure if my examples and description are good enough...  
Hope someone can give me some advise about how to improve my essay and get a better score.  
  
Thanks for everyone who revises my essay!
Dear @pepe33,  
  
I am still learning, but maybe I can give you some advise that you can use:)  
  
On the first paragraph, try to paraphrasing the question, it seems like you almost copy all of the questions, for easy sample maybe you can change **schoolwork** word into **study** or you change **believe** word into **think**.  
  
Then the question want you to compare both view, so try give the positive and the negative of both, and at the end you can give conclusion on which one you prefer and the reason you choose that.  
  
I hope my comment can help :)  
  
Good luck!