dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## the CTV cameras are everywhere

  
  
The blistering pace of industrialization has came up with the prevalence of surveillance. While I recognize that critics may regard this as an infringement of privacy, I feel that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. It deniable that surveillance cameras has facilitated our lives in many different ways. The proliferation of CTV cameras greatly contribute to deter criminal and prevent crime. For example, once thieves realise that your home and business is protected by a closed circuit television system, they invariably choose to go somewhere else. Moreover, installing security camera offers remote monitoring. All of our CTV observed and controlled remotely through an Iphone, Laptop or other device via the internet and thus protect society from any threat and provide people with sense of safety and security. But to acknowledge only the positive impact would be short-sighted. If " convenience" is what we gain from all of this technology, then freedom is one things we lose. These camera infringe our privacy by allowing other people continually monitor us. Many people find thus intrusive and feel that recording their movement is form of state control that restrict their personal liberty. Given the above arguments, it is reasonable to conclude that although surveillance have some benefits the negative influence it has produced should not be overlooked because the downsides far exceed the merits.
As a tank 2 essay, this writing fails to meet 2 scoring considerations:  
- Failure to meet the Minimum 250 word count requirement  
- Response incompatibility with the discussion question.  
  
Both errors will result in at least a 50 % score reduction in total based on applicable deductions per section. With such a high deduction rate, it may be difficult to achieve a passing score.  
  
The original opinion discussion is supposed to be based on the following consideration: *What do you feel is more important, personal privacy or public safety ?* The discussion the writer used was not based on the provided opinion question since he is using an advantage v. disadvantage presentation. It is a discussion format.not related to the topic.  
  
Additionally, the writer did not follow the 4 paragraph writing format for this essay. That is another score markdown and is perhaps the main reason that the wordcount was not met.
## Number of tourists visiting a Caribbean island

  
  
The graph indicates the number of visitors going a Caribbean island from 2010 to 2017. Both the number of visitors staying on cruise ships and those staying on island are increasing. Overall, The total number of people visiting Caribbean island generally higher than those staying on cruise ships.  
  
The lowest number of visitors is in 2010, for visitors staying on cruise ships are 0.25 million while those staying on island are 0.75 million.  
The number of people remains unchanged for those in island at 0.75 million. In contrast, tourists who stay on cruise ships has increased to 0.5 million.  
  
There is a rising trend in staying on island since 2011 until 2013 and reach 1.5 million which is two times higher than those staying on cruise ships, 0.5 million.On the other hand, the number of visitors on cruise ships is fluctuated.  
  
From 2012 to 2017, there is a surge in the number of tourists staying on cruise ships and reach 2 millions, which is the highest number. The number of visitors staying in island, 1.5 million, is lower than those staying in cruise ships since 2016.  
  
All in all, the number of tourists visit Caribbean island is increasing.  
  
*
are increasing.  
Kindly note the indicative years in the report. It ended in 2017. We are now in the year 2021. The time frame reference is incorrect. Use the past tense reference next time. This is inaccurate grammar use.  
  
Caribbean island generally higher  
Missing the third person indicative word "is" before "generally". Another grammar error.  
  
is in 2010  
staying on island are 0.75 million.  
There is a rising trend  
cruise ships is fluctuated  
The writer shows a steady unfamiliarity with time references. There is a continual use of present tense presentations where pastreferencing should be made. These repeated GRA errors maybe the very reason this task will receive a failing score.  
  
The writer spends time analyzing the essay but fails to edit his work. The grammar errors are very noticeable and should have been easily corrected upon first and second reading.
## friends from schools have bigger influence on students than their teachers

  
  
Some people think that the school performance of students and their emotional maturation are affected by their classmates more than their teachers. I firmly agree with that opinion, peers have more of an impact than teachers do.  
  
First, the school performance of students can be developed in a competitive environment with their peers. The desire to be outstanding in class makes them practice hard and stimulates their motivations to study and improve. For instance, I was very bad at English, when I attended an English class 3 three years ago and saw my peers get a high score in the test, during I just got 4 points. At moment, I had the feeling of peer pressure. And the pressure became my motivation, I started trying more, doing more exercises, and enhancing my English skill. This demonstrates that competition among peers plays an important role in enhancing students' academic results.  
  
Second, peers have affected students through socializing. On the daily basis, among friends, we usually share things, storíe, ideas, etc than with teachers. This can help the student develop their emotional maturation and easily learn how to control the emotion. For example, when I have some problems in my life, my friends will be the first who I share about this and ask for advice. And the time I interact with my peers is always more than with my teachers. And, building relationships by spending time playing and talking with classmates is beneficial to children's emotional growth.  
  
In conclusion, peers play an important role in improving their academic achievement as well as growing their emotional feelings.
The essay has just the right number of words for a very good scoring consideration. The effort to properly outline the prompt requirements shows that the writer put time and effort into creating an applicable prompt restatement + opinion. There are several things the writer did right in this presentation:  
  
- The presentation of an appropriate rephrasing + reasoning foundation  
- Correct single opinion explanations in both paragraphs  
- The use of personal experience and public opinion as evidence and defence points  
  
However, the writer also has a few grammatical inaccuracies present. These are minimal erron but could affect the presentation clarity and grammar score.  
  
during I just got 4 points  
Unclear action reference . The addition of the word "which" after "during" would have made a clear reference to the exam the writer took.  
  
And  
Conjuctions are connecting words for a thought or idea. It cannot therefore, be used at a sentence start where no previous idea has been presented yet.
## HOME VS SCHOOL - BETTER PLACE TO STUDY

  
  
STUDYING ONLINE IS MORE BENEFICIAL THAN LEARNING ONLINE AT HOME  
  
These days, it is true that studying online plays an important role in our lives now. While this development may be disadvantageous to a certain extent, I believe that its advantages are much more significant.  
  
On the one hand, e-learning is not productive as studying in class. The reason is that by educating online, students tend to be more distracted and procrastinated by things around them. For example, instead of focusing on the lecture, some pupils could just let their phones there and play video games or watch TV, which is not allowed in schools. Consequently, their academic transcript would gradually fall.  
  
On the other hand, I do believe the perks are on top of these drawbacks. Firstly, by teaching online, both teachers and students do not have to waste their time commuting. For instance, if in the past, educators and learners have to drive a long distance to get to school, which could take a lot of their time, now they just have to sit at their home with an electronic device connected internet to be able to study. Secondly, this teaching style would make a comfortable learning space for students. To illustrate, having excessive noise in the direct classroom could cause disturbance and thereby affect knowledge acquisition. Therefore, by distance education, students can learn in the most comfortable way, and then they can improve their understanding.  
  
In conclusion, while the traditional classes may have some value, I hold the belief that they are eclipsed by the advantages above.
These days, it is true that studying online plays an important role in our lives now.  
This is a personal reflection of the writer. It is not a correct nor accurate prompt topic replacement. This sentiment is not relevant to the paragraph scoring requirements. This representation will cause a scoring deduction.  
  
While this development may be disadvantageous to a certain extent, I believe that its advantages are much more significant.  
An answer was provided but, it is not the proper response as it does not reflect the original prompt topic and discussion question which is:  
  
*Studying with a group of students in a classroom is more beneficial than learning online at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?*  
  
The prompt restatement + opinion will recieve a failing mark due to irrelevance. The writer used an A/D response method in an extent essay.  
  
The reasoning paragraphs further confuse the reader due to a comparative discussion presentation. The provided discussion instruction requires 2 paragraphs in support of the writer's opinion. As the overall response discussion approach is incorrect, the essay cannot be awarded a passing score.
***"Social networks are damaging our personal relationships. Therefore, people should not spend much of their time on these websites."***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

  
  
We live in an age when many people consider social media as an essential tool. And it is supposed that social apps can ruin our connections in real life. They suggest that we should limit our time on the networks. I somewhat disagree with this idea. Human relationships are improving successfully via social networks.  
  
Firstly, our bond maintains easily on the Internet. Social media help us stay in touch with these people we love over far distances. With the Internet connection and smartphones or laptops, we can talk with our beloved person whatever they are overseas or a thousand yards remote. For example, students are studying abroad can sustain relationships with their parents and friends in their hometown. They may create new relations or friends in a strange foreign country on social websites. What's more, people can figure out and update the latest information of friends whereby the social network. Apparently, with their media account, you may acquire much information about those people within a click.  
  
Next, the benefits of social connection are even explicit during the covid-19 epidemic. Communication through a screen during the quarantine is an excellent and effective method to prevent the spread of the virus. The happiness is shared with a crowd securely. For instance, several weddings were constituted online in the middle of the disease. Rituals were conducted when entire relatives gathered together on the same online network while staying at home. A holy bond was established between individuals and two families in an unconventional way.  
  
On the other hand, excessive using social media may damage personal relationships. Addicted to social media is a popular event in modern society. These people are glued to their phones, ignoring all the life movements. There is a concept called "hikikomori" in Japan. The hikikomori person isolates themself from society. What they do is stay in a room, access the Internet, and never contact their relationship, even their parents. However, it is merely a minority. In addition, narrowing the time using social media is unrealistic. Most adults are using the network as a practical vehicle to support jobs.  
  
In summary, these benefits of social networks seem to outweigh the drawback. Social networking sites have proven to be effective in developing human interactions.
I somewhat disagree with this idea  
You cannot partially with an idea, then provide a definite reason with such strong support. The supporting idea should instead refer to the partial disagreement or, in this case, partial agreement instead. The sentence formation should reflect a partial sentiment as well.  
  
Human relationships are improving successfully via social networks.  
To create the correct response reason format say: ...are partially successful in improving... That response reflects your partial idea. The problem is, your thesis statement does not align with the provided discussion instruction.  
  
Now, on to the reasoning paragraphs that will cause the essay to fail.  
  
The first 2 reasons are invalid because these discuss methods of relationship bonding. The discussion is all about the amount of time spent on the websites. nobody was disagreeing with the fact that social media improves relationships. It is the amount of time people spend on the silts that they disagree about. This is only properly discussed in the 3rd paragraph. That is the only time related discussion presented.  
  
The relevant paragraph is not properly developed and contradicts itself. These are the reasons why the writer has written a long but failing essay.
## Evaluate a public place. Suggest how it could be made more appealing.

  
  
Ho Thi Ky night market, located at 52 Ho Thi Ki Street in district 10, is one of the most well-known places for its diverse food. It used to be the biggest flower market in HCMC, but recently, it became popular on social media with more than 100 food stores. It is an ideal place for everyone, especially for the young generation and night shift workers. Lots of people sell plenty of food, from Asian to Western cuisine. Aside from many great things in the Ho Thi Ki night market, there are a few disadvantages that this market is facing.  
  
Firstly, one of the features in Ho Thi Ki night market is the quality of food. The food sold in the market is homemade, which is very cheap. That is the main reason that more and more people choose to come here to eat. However, this also leads to food poisoning. Therefore, all the food sellers need to have food certifications to ensure fresh quality ingredients; and they need to have a permanent place to sell food. Moreover, the customer needs to find and read the review before going to the night market.  
  
Secondly, having too many visitors during the open time can cause untidy and polluted problems due to people's irresponsibility. Although all the sellers want to have as many customers as possible to increase the profit, some people have been so careless that they throw trash anywhere. They expect that other customers or the owners will pick it up for them. Due to the lack of customer awareness, the shop owner should have bins and campaigns to show the customers put trash in the correct place. It not only helps the workers when cleansing after work but also keeps this place cleaner, which attracts more people to visit.  
  
Last but not least, attracting too many visitors might cause wrongdoing. As the market opens without ticket fees, there are plenty of people who come here every day. It is good for sellers and food shop owners because they can sell more products, but it is a drawback for visitors. They might lose their phone or wallet without recognition. Some customers are careless, drop these things in a particular place that they can not remember. However, thieves and pickpockets often pay attention in large gatherings. Therefore, sellers need to equip cameras and monitor the number of visitors coming to the night market. Moreover, all the customers need to protect their valuable objects.  
  
In conclusion, except for some troubles mentioned above, the Ho Thi Ki night market is still one of the latest symbols of Ho Chi Minh City. Hundreds of people come here every day, both locals and travelers. By adding more up-to-date equipment, this place would become an outstanding masterpiece.  
  
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## LANGUAGE BARRIERS ABROAD

  
  
**Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems**  
  
Humans have been far developing to such an extent that great concerns have been placed on language barriers raised by living in a foreign nation. From my perspective, I agree that this exerts both positive and negative influences on our societies, which will be thoroughly discussed in the following essay.  
  
On the one hand, it is undeniable that living with foreigners can cause an enormous number of problems. Firstly, individuals may have difficulties in making friends in their current neighboUrhood. As it is our nature to get close to those from the same areas, foreigners might find it hard to join them. As a result, newcomers may suffer from isolation; therefore, severe mental illnesses. Additionally, communities might face social chaos resulting from the innative. Once entering the country, these people may encounter misunderstandings due to cultural gaps. This can even lead to authoritative troubles, profoundly threatening international residents.  
  
On the other hand, living where supports foreign accents are used undoubtedly does enormous wonders to us. Obviously, people might stand a better chance of developments in their working fields. They can gain better knowledge about the nation, which is required in a seriously globalised world. Consequently, more opportunities for improvement, especially in their career perspectives, will be created for them. Furthermore, international residents might have their soft skills greatly enhanced. In accordance with a recent survey, the bilinguals are recorded to outperform the monolinguals with the same backgrounds in problem-solving and cognitive thinking.  
  
In conclusion, advantageous living overseas might be, its downsides towards societies should never be overlooked. Thus, it is imperative that people be fully aware of these influences in order to gain holistic benefits.
## Coffee & Tea drinking habits in five Australian cities

  
  
*The chart below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.*  
  
(I attached the image containing the chart)  
  
The bar chart depicts the percentages of residents for various ways of drinking coffee and tea in five Australian cities in 4 weeks.  
Overall, citizens preferred drinking at a café the most for all cities except for Adelaide. In addition, fresh coffee was consumed the least, and Hobart recorded the greatest difference between the percentage for buying fresh coffee and the percentage for visiting cafés.  
  
Regarding Sydney, the figures for fresh coffee and instant coffee were around 45%, whereas that for on-site drinking was above 60%. As for Melbourne, the proportions of residents who bought fresh coffee and bought instant coffee were approximately 42% and 48%, respectively. Residents of the city who went to a cafe was roughly 63%, highest of all cities.  
  
On the other hand, the percentage of people who bought fresh coffee in Brisbane was roughly 35%, which is significantly less than the figure for instant coffee drinkers and cafes visitors of the city. About 38% of Hobert citizens purchased fresh coffee in 4 weeks, while the figures for instant coffee and on-site drinking were around 55% and 63%. Meanwhile, Adelaide had 35% of its residents buying coffee in this period, less than half of the percentages for instant coffee, which is similar to the figure for cafes visitors.  
  
*   
*chart*
five Australian cities  
Yes, there are 5 Australian cities in the chart. Why was no listing for these indicated? The cities were individually listed in the chart, therofere the list must be included to indicate the comparison source points. The summary information is incomplete without it. The trending statement makes little sense without the prior listing.  
  
The overall report is pretty much straight forward and simply delivers the data provided. The comparison point analysis is what was skipped. Next time look for equal lines in the image. Use these to follow the bar graph. This will allow you to see where equal points the such as for people who went to Melbourne and Hobart for coffee during the month.
## the future of shopping in a mall

  
  
Currently, with the development of technology, numerous people tend to go shopping online. Some people believe in the future the main reason to go to the shopping mall will be for entertainment, not shopping. However, my view is chosen both the sides that you can both entertaining and shopping.  
  
There are many disadvantages to shopping online. Sometimes you have to wait for delivery for some days and maybe the products are not what you see on the websites. I sometimes returned clothes and other items because the size or color is wrong for me. Many shops at malls supply a wide variety of products from many regions all over Vietnam such as books, electronics, cosmetics, or clothes fashion and you can take them at home without having to wait for some days. In addition, sometimes they might get a special offer and discount and free delivery on holidays like Black Friday.  
  
On the other hand, the shopping centers are an interesting place to with their family and friends. After a busy day, they go to malls, which is good place to strengthen relationships with their family. For instance, people watch 3d cinema, eat at the restaurant, or have appointments at the cafe shop.  
  
In conclusion, I strongly believe that it will become an amazing place for amusement and shopping in the future. However, shopping is the main reason that they want to go shopping malls and it is irreversible.
my view is chosen both the sides  
This is an automatic task failing scoll. The discussion should focus on only one side. Either agree or disagree. You cannot pick both sides because this is a single opinion essay. You clearly did not understand the instructions and the examiner will realize this and arand a failing task score regardless of the discussion presentation. You need to review the response styles depending on the provided discussion instruction.  
  
disadvantages  
This is not an advantage V. disadvantage essay. It is an agree or disagree approach.This is additional proof that you do not understand the task requirement.  
  
The discussion presentation is all over the place. It is so scattered in focus that the examiner will be confused by the presentation. It does not approach the discussion from the assigned format angle.