dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
This is my essay for the Ielts Writing task 1. I would be grateful if someone here sends me some comments!  
  
## **TASK 1 - BAR GRAPH - ANNUAL RIDERSHIP**

  
  
The bar graph shows how many passengers travelled by two means of public transports in the city of Williamsville yearly from 2011 to 2015. The numbers of rides are significant different between bus and subway throughout the 5-year period.  
  
The number of bus annual riderships stayed nearly the same between 2011 and 2015. A little under 450 million rides taken on bus in 2011. Then, there was a modest growth from 2011 to 2012, when 450 million bus ridings were recorded in 2012. Another slight rise was discerned from the graph between 2013 and 2014, and 2014 saw the highest number of bus ridership.  
  
Subway annual ridership, on the other hand, increased steadily over 5 years. 2011 was the year with the least rides taken by subway, with a little over 600 million rides, which was around one and a half times as much as the number of bus ridings in the same year. This number rose gradually until it reached the highest in 2015, with about 750 million rides by subway.  
  
In general, the annual number of rides taken on bus did not vary too much between the 5-year period, and the number of subway riderships is much more than that of bus ridings.  
  
(205 words)  
  
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John, the final sentence presentation that you have in this essay is the more effective trending statement. You should have used that instead of the weak trending statement that you presented in the opening paraphrase. By the way, you need to be consistent in all of your sentences. You cannot have paragraphs with only 2 sentences then paragraphs with 4 sentences. You cannot have paragraphs with less than 3 sentences in them. That is a direct ruling for the C&C score. In addition to that, you also forgot to include the discussion instruction sentence in the opening paraphrase. You need to make sure that you present a proper and complete paraphrase of the discussion topic and instructions in order to gain the highest possible TA score for your presentation in that paragraph. Your information presentation is relevant and accurate enough based upon the information in the graph. However, you wrote a concluding representation when that is not required of the Task 1 essay. It is because of this concluding statement that you accidentally presented 2 trending statements when one was sufficient enough for the essay to be scored accurately.
Hi Mr. John.  
I have reviewed your essay closely and found a few errors . Hopefully, you can improve your skill through these suggestions.  
  
Firstly, you have to be careful of paraphrasing the statement. The meaning of passengers and rides is so different. I know that you want to show your ability in lexical resource, but we are supposed to pay attention to the meaning. For your overview, you could get the higher score. You needed making the overview more interesting. For example, "The mode of subway always used to attract most rides over the period shown".  
  
For your grouping, you found a difficulty to obtain the high score in task achievement because you grouped your data separately. I meant that your job in the writing task 1 is to compare figures, not to describe them separately. Well, you might compared the data, but it only happened once. You should compare both modes in all paragraphs. To make it more attractive, you can separate your paragraphs based on years, 2011-2013 and 2014-2015. Lastly, in writing task 1, you do not need to write conclusion, only the overview.  
  
Hopefully, you can meet my advice and deal with it.  
GOOD LUCK
***Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?***  
  
Technology has a significant influence on communication between people. Relationships have also been affected by technology, and in my opinion there are both positive and negative effects.  
  
Technology has had a positive impact in various ways. Firstly, in education respect, online services allow teachers to implement distance learnings. Even if students and teachers are in the different cities, students can still take classes online. Secondly, most people use social networks, such as Facebook. It is convenient for them to share their recent situations to their acquaintances, however, they can also make new friends or interact with others through their computers rather than face to face. Finally, it is easy to get information through the internet.  
  
On the other hand, these kinds of development also make relationships become distant and strange. For instance, letters replaced by emails and text messages lead to alienation from each other. Furthermore, many teenagers choose to make friends online, but people always show the best them and conceal their real selves. How they know whether the person they are talking to is in earnest or superficial?  
  
In conclusion, technology makes a significant difference to peoples' lives in terms of communication. Although not all of the outcomes are positive, in my opinion technology has become indispensable in our current lives.
Hi at the first here are some points that i would like to point out.  
in the first paragraph and first line ( between people) AMONG  
in the point that you want to add your personal opinion in the first paragraph you used(AND) transition word which is not interesting you should use different transitions.  
  
in the third paragraph, first line ( these kinds of development also make relationships become distant and strange) this sentence is confusing for me as a reviewer.  
  
again in the same place (emails) mail  
in the third paragraph second line ( people always show the best them ...) them is confusing here
Hello, to be frank I think you should take a stance on either being negative or positive, not both. In doing so you could elaborate and really pick a side instead of having to go between both creating a stronger argument. Also try not to use words like, first, on the other hand, or in conclusion, rather go directly into the point to make the sentences flow better. The side in which you take the "positive" stance has potential and I think you should focus more on that position.
Sophie, since this is not a comparison essay, you should not be discussing both points of view in the body paragraphs. This will result in a prompt deviation that could result in a failing score for your essay in the actual test. It is easy to remember when an essay is a comparative one and when it isn't. When the prompt asks you to "discuss both points of view", then that is a comparative essay. When the prompt says "or", that means you pick only one side to discuss in the essay. Then the format for the body paragraphs becomes:  
  
Opinion  
Supporting statement  
Expanded example  
  
The stance that you should take for the discussion should depend upon how much information you know about the topic presented and if you can accurately defend it within 3 paragraphs. So whether it is a positive or negative stance will depend upon your personal choice, available information, and ability to discuss. Therefore, you have to consider the topic very well prior to drafting your essay.
## olimpic achievements by states

  
  
The bar chart compares the number of medals that twelve countries have won at the Olympic Games in total.  
  
It is noticeable that the USA by far has won the most medals. It is also clear that the proportion of gold, silver and bronze medals won tend to be quite similar for all countries.  
  
Among twelve countries, the USA has a dramatical number of medals, around 2300 medals, including approximately 900 gold medals, over 650 silver medals, and almost 650 bronze medals. By constrast, Japan has the fewest medals, in which, the gold medals accounts for nearly a half of 350 medals won, and the figures for silver and bronze medals are the same at 90 medals.  
  
Besides the USA, Soviet Union is the only different country which has more than 1000 medals, more or less 400, 300, and 300 medals for gold, silver and bronze medals respectively. Deviding these countries into two parts, the USA, Soviet Union, the UK, France, Germany, and Italy are six nations winning more than 500 medals. The rest of twelve countries have from 350 to 500 total number of medals won.  
  
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Nguyen this essay should have been discussed by group using the parallelism method. That means, you should have grouped the countries for discussion based on a bracket of similar numbering. Take note of the following information:  
  
China and Japan won a similar number of medals  
East Germany, Hungary, Australia and Sweden have a running total of almost the same number  
Italy and Germany, almost the same digits also  
France and UK have a slight difference in numbers but run parallel to each other  
The Soviet Union and the United States lead the pack with differing numbers  
  
Based on the above information, you could have easily created a more informative and inclusive set of analytical reports for the bar graph provided. Your analysis of the graph is incomplete, you do not list the names of the countries involved in the graph, and you also do not consider any bracket discussions for the presentation that would have allowed you to present all 12 countries and their medal count in the discussion, which is part of the discussion requirements.
I also find it struggling to describe a bar char every time when I check with the sample answers. But I will try to share my ideas here.  
  
My suggestion is after the summary/overview paragraph, the following paragraphs could be divided into two categories, one with countries possessing medals over 500, another with medals below 500. And in each paragraph, explain important/the most obvious information mentioned in the overview, and illustrate other points with comparison. Follow the same strategy in the fourth paragraph, but point out the smallest number with comparison. Try to cover as much as information (subjects, numbers, etc) as possible.
TOEFL, writing section, Independent essay.  
## Do you prefer to eat out or at home

  
  
People can only improve and experience a convenient life in a big city. Personally speaking, I postulate that living in big city is better than living in a small town. Because in a big city there are public transportation, different people and everything is available.  
  
Firstly, public transportation is cheap and good for every kind of people. As far as I am an engineer with now income, I can't buy a car to go to my office. Every day I use public transportation to go to office and come back for only five Afs. If I live in a small town there are no any kind of public transportation. The one who live in small town must have a car to go to work or for purchasing in bazaar. Cars need oil and it costs a lot for the individual. Moreover, children can use public transportation to go to school and come back to home without any cooperation from their families. Therefore, living in a big city is good for everyone.  
  
Additionally, in big cities there are different people with different cultures. As far as in big cities more people live, they are from different places. If I live in a big city I can experience relationship with different people and make friends from variety of cultures. Also, I can learn more things from people in the city. On the other hand, in a small town there are a few people with the same culture. Every day I will see repeated faces and it is boring for me. I can't learn anything from a small town, so, I will not experience more things and improve in a small town.  
  
Finally, in a big city there are more facilities which we need. In a big city I can find more and different facilities such as restaurants, museums, parks and concerts. If I live in a big city I can go to nearby restaurant and serf a lunch with my friend while in a small town I have to cook at home. Also, people can go to their favorite concerts and enjoy their free times. On the other hand, at weekends I can go to parks and museums with my family and children to spend my free time. In a small town there are no restaurant, museum, park and concert, so, people don't enjoy their life because everything is repeated.  
  
All in one, I prefer to live in a big city because there is more convenience than living in a small town. If I live in a big city I can use my free time being in parks museums and concerts. Moreover, by using public transportation I can save the money and see different people in the city.
Hi naseernasrati,  
  
Here are some suggestions to your essay:  
  
1. Your opinions are too absolute. Try to use words like "may" or "might" to soften the tone of your essay. Also, the word "postulate" in your second sentence is used a bit awkwardly. Instead of saying I postulate that living in ... --> "Personally, living in a big city is preferable as it provides a more desirable lifestyle"  
  
2. The third sentence of your essay --> never start a sentence with "because".  
  
3. The transitional words in the beginning of all paragraphs are used a bit awkwardly. Also, the thesis statement in the introduction paragraph should include all main points of this essay.  
  
4. The whole essay is written in a monotone. Try to add more description of big cities vs. small cities and make your essay more interesting :)  
  
Good luck with your Language test :))
## speaking two languages in the uk

  
  
The pie charts illustrate the percentage of the U.K. students at an university in England who were capable to speak languages other than English for both 2000 and 2010.  
  
It it clear to observe that Spanish is the most popular language, in addition to English , for both 2000 and 2010, although the chart sees a slightly decrease in the percentage in Spanish.  
  
In 2000, German accounts for the fewest percentage of British students able to speak. This percentage remains the same for 2010, making German become the only language that is still the most unfamiliar with British students.  
  
On the other hand, British students in 2010 who are able to speak two languages other than English increase 5%,from 10% to 15%, compared with 2000. This phenomenon shrinks the percentage of languages spoken in French and those who can not speak other languages.
Louis, even without the chart included in this essay. I can authoritatively tell you that you will get a failing score for this essay because you wrote less than the required 150 words. You only wrote 142 words, which means that accurate scoring considerations cannot be made for your essay. It fails on all 4 scoring points because your discussion is not accurately developed nor informative for the reader. Had you provided a sample of the illustration, which is a requirement at this forum for any student who wants a Task 1 essay review, I would have been able to show you how to improve upon this essay. Unfortunately, you did not upload it so I have to stop with this general review, that is highly accurate since you did not pass the test on the word count criteria alone.
## sports courses in schools

  
  
when one observes what people of varying backgrounds discuss, the prominent topic usually about school. There are even some individuals who observes some educational institution offer sports course but others are opposite. Generally, I am more inclined to believe that sports course can provide some some opportunity for children to dig out potential skill and also learn teamwork.  
  
One view is worth nothing is that sports course help students find out their hidden skill. In other words, they can obtain sports talent while they experience it. For example, one of the basketball celebrity Micheal Jordan was ordinary player when he was young, but he trained by himself since he go deeply into practice basketball skill. And finally he become famous all over the world. Thus, sports course is a way for students to discover their potential.  
  
Another idea to take into consider is that learner can establish teamwork skill through join sports team. To explain, most type of sports provide various way to build teamwork together. To illustrate, basketball is one of the typical team work exercise exercise in the world, this is due to player can not play games by themselves. So everyone need to work together if they want to victory experience. Hence, students can learn how to work with team members in sports class.  
  
On the contrary, the reason is that sports might make student feel exhausted after course. For instant, if students have regular course after swimming course, they will not able to concentrate on study since they use all the energy on swimming class. Moreover, it will make their score getting decrease. Therefore, if negative school performance are noticeable to consider, then sports course can be a kind of waste time activities.  
  
To recapitulate, the issue on operated sports course have beneficial and disadvantage for students. Although sports course cause learners have lower school performance, but it helps them find out their potential skill and also develop their teamwork skill.
YU- HSIN, what is the prompt that you are responding to? I can sense that this is supposed to be an IELTS response essay. However, without the original prompt, it is impossible to review your paper for content and possible scoring. That is my guideline in determining your writing quality and your ability to express yourself in English. Kindly provide the prompt as soon as you can so that a more thorough assessment of your essay may be provided. By the way, I saw a glaring problem with your essay right off the bat. Please be conscious of the English sentence development rules that dictate that all first words in a sentence must be capitalized, along with all nouns in a sentence presentation. The connecting word "And" cannot be used to start a sentence either. As of now, I can only assess the formatting situation of your essay. If you supply the complete prompt, I might be able to come back and assess the content of your essay as well.
Hi here are some points that i would like to point out.  
in the second line ( individuals who )(observe~~s~~) because individuals is plural noun.  
in the third line of first paragraph ( some some)  
how about (sports courses)  
in the second paragraph first line ( hidden skills)  
again in the first line ( in other words)  
in the second paragraph third line ( since he go) ??? go  
again in the same line ( he become)
*Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered?*  
  
## obesity among children rises

  
  
Today children suffered some diseases which in the past elderly people suffered, such as obesity. The dramatically increase the number of fat children is caused by new lifestyle. In this essay, the ways can be applied to prevent this problem is discussed and also, pays attention to reasons of this problem.  
  
The new lifestyle can increase the obesity among the new generation of children for whom many junk food and prepared food are available regularly. This food not only does not have no worth food, but also increases the no-saturated fat for the young people. Moreover, no high-level of movement playing among children can increase the possibility of some diseases such as obesity. New computer games attract many children to set down on the one place for a long time without no movement, which can be harmful for them.  
  
Some improvements in children's habits can reduce their obesity disease. The children's nutrition should be changed from high level of hydro-carbonate food to healthy food, which is one of the best ways to control extra fat of children's bodies. The use of more home-made food, fruits, and vegetables can help children to have more healthy regime food. Moreover, encouraging children to play in the green ground or park can prevent the possibility of fat disease. Because, the extra fat in the children's bodies can be burned during playing.  
  
In the conclusion, the possibility of some diseases, such as obesity rises among these days children because of the new lifestyle. Children eat a lot of junk food and spend a lot of time for games without no movements. However, as mentioned in the essay, there are a lot of effective solutions.  
  
PLEASE GIVE ME A BAND SCORE OF THIS ESSAY. ALSO, GUIDE ME TOTALLY TO INCREASE MY BAND SCORE OF MY WRITING. THANKS A LOT
Ama, your essay presentation is unique in the sense that the badly developed sentences can still be understood by the reader, although with a little bit of stress. You may not have properly developed your sentence structure in most instances, but the presentation is still right on the mark in terms of interpretation and discussion. Your ideas also need to be more adequately developed by having you focus on the more appropriate single reason per paragraph discussion. The single reason per paragraph format is:  
  
1. Topic Sentence  
2. Reason 1  
3. Supporting explanation  
4. Example  
5. Transition sentence into the next paragraph  
  
Use the above format for the body paragraph discussions and you should increase your task score in a strong manner. Your conclusion is also good. However, you should have presented a proposed solution as an example of the solution offered. Always give a solid example in order to show that you fully understand what the prompt requirements are.  
  
Having given you my observations of your work, I would like to now give you a detailed breakdown for your scores:  
  
TA - 6  
C&C - 5  
LR - 5  
GRA - 4  
  
The scoring above is based upon my assessment of your work per criteria. You should receive a similar, if not the same type of scores in an actual test from the examiner. The scores should help you note which parts of the essay practice you have to concentrate on developing. I suggest you work on the C&C and GRA sections by trying to write more fluent English sentences. Use online practice sites or available apps to help you improve in this section. More importantly, keep reading English materials so that you can gain a better idea as to how native speakers develop their sentence presentations.
**Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they respond to the specific points made in the reading passage.**  
  
## old manuscript origin

  
  
The speaker and the reading talk about a manuscript presented by a bookseller named Wilfred M. Voynich. The reading provides three possible explanation regarding the origin of this old manuscript. The speaker, however, refutes each possibility.  
  
First, the speaker said that the work cannot be a product of Ascham. He argues that Ascham was a typical writer and could not produce such an original work. In addition, Ascham's book about plants is a collection of other authors work. Therefore, the speculation that Ascham wrote the book is inconsistent and unlikely.  
  
Second, the speaker argues that although Kelley was a good deceiver, he didn't need such an articulated work to deceive people of that time. A much simpler manuscript would suffice for this purpose. Therefore, it is unlikely that he spent so much effort to produce such a fake manuscript and then sell it to wealthy nobles in Europe.  
  
Third, according to the speaker, there are ways that we can speculate a manuscript age. So, it is a useless trick for Voynich to create it. The speaker argued that Voynich might fake the paper by using an old paper but he could not fake the old ink used in the manuscript.  
  
[200]  
  
Lecture: vocaroo./i/s01KuAoVNpMj  
  
I appreciate any comment that helps me score higher in this task. Thanks.  
  
*   
*reading*