dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans,while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs,including uses for food and research.  
  
Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
With all the variety of people's opinions to what concerned animal rights,some people think that animals need to have equal rights as humans, while others believe that animals were created to serve human kinds and to provide food for them. This essay will discuss both point of view.  
  
With all this exploitation of animals, some people think that human life is the most important thing in this planet and everything must be done to ensure human survival. Furthermore,they believe that is acceptable to kill animals for medical research reasons in order to cure illnesses,and that animals do not feel loss or pain as humans.food is also one of the reasons why animals have been slaughtered or killed.  
  
However, i do not believe that these arguments stand up to scrutiny. To begin, many studies show that animals have emotions and feelings like human have,they can feel pain if they are treated badly, they can feel unhappy in a cage, also they feel sad when they lose someone. In addition, it has been shown that the most of medical research done on animals were for cosmetics reason and just a few were for research on cures for human diseases. also other studies show that humans can get all their needs of vitamins and proteins from green vegetables and fruits.  
  
To conclude, there is no reason for humans to mistreat or kill animals.personally, i reckon animals needs to be protected by our government and our society as well,and any overrun in their right should be punishable by law.  
  
Thank you so much for your time.  
  
I would love to read all your comments
Merci, because of the fact that you repeated the paraphrasing of the prompt twice and then did not properly discuss the essay, you actually cannot score higher than a 1 in terms of the Task Requirement. Which also means, that you will not score higher than a 1 in the Grammar Accuracy along with Coherence and Cohesion. These dismal scores are all because you failed to follow the prompt requirements that dictated you discuss the two opinions as presented in the prompt, along with your personal opinion in the essay. All you presented, from the beginning to the end of the essay are facts based upon your personal opinion. Thus proving to the examiner that you do not understand the prompt instructions. Which in turn results in the realization that you are unable to write a proper English essay due to limited comprehension abilities. I'm so sorry about this. I hope you will do better with your succeeding practice tests. I look forward to seeing your improvement. I am hoping this was only a one time mistake on your part and that it will not happen again, for your sake.
**Influence of human beings on the world's ecosystem is leading to the extinction of species and loss of bio-diversity.  
  
What are the primary causes of loss of bio-diversity?  
  
What solutions can you suggest?**  
  
The diversity of bio-organisms and animal species is an essential part of our nature and environment. Nowadays, because of the human's influence on the world's ecosystems, many animals and plants are facing extinction. Proceses like deforestation and the Climate changes are the main causers of the lost of bio-diversity. With that said, it is still not late for the humanity to take actions and find a solution, which can tackle this problem.  
  
Since the beginning of the 20-th century, we live in the era of industrialization. As we continue to burn fossil and polute the environment, many animals will to loose their natural habitats. For example, due to the rising tempreatures at the North Pole, caused by the Global Warming, the ice there continues to melt and makes it impossible for the white bear to survive. Furthermore, nowadays many animals struggle to adapt in this fast changing environment created by the human's actions.  
  
On the other hand, the recent improvements in most of the technological areas provide us with numerous oppotunities to solve the problem. If we as a kind, succeed in creating a renewable and clean energy, we can definitely take control of the climate changes. Moreover, we can diminish the problem with the deforestation and even begin to plant more trees, with which we can preserve the natural animal habitats. In addition to this, everybody can start to recycle their wasted products and use the internet to check the news instead of buying newspapers, which can save a lot of energy and stop the mass cuts of trees.  
  
In conclusion, i think that the humanity still have a chance to save and rescue many animal species of extinction. But in order to do that, we should transform our societies into more enviromentally friendly and cautions one's
George, please note that for lexical resource purposes, you should always spell out the information in the essay. That includes references to the centuries. You currently have it written at 20-th century. The proper numerical reference would be 20th century. However, for the purposes of showing your vocabulary abilities, spell it out as twentieth century. There is also the problem of the way that you spelled the term "proceses", the correct spelling is "processes". Also, global warming should not be capitalized as this is not a proper noun but rather a descriptive action. Only proper nouns are capitalized. The same rule applies to the north pole. It is a location and therefore, need not be treated like a proper noun. Pay attention to your conclusion. The lack of a period at the end of the final sentence makes it seem like you are still typing up some information but then accidentally hit the submit button. Don't make that mistake in the actual test because it will affect your grammatical accuracy rating for this specific test.
Hi Goerge, as you are new here on the Essay Forum Team, I would like to WELCOME you to the Essay Forum Family, here, we make sure that you get the most comprehensive remark and objective criticism that will eventually help you in giving that much needed strength in your essay.  
  
Having said that, I observed in your essay that there is somehow a redundancy on the words that you use in your essays and this is evident in almost all of your paragraphs, though it is fine to use this technique of writing, it is best to create a well written sentences, using one word at a time, words that will send the message across to your readers.  
  
Moreover, I believe you will be able to easily revise the essay and in doing so, you can just take one word to describe your ideas and stick to it,rather than taking other words or synonym to its account. Once you have written the words and have chosen the best way to transpire your ideas, then go ahead and elaborate it. Keep writing.
Hello everyone,  
Please help me improve my writing skill. I appreciate every your valuable comment.  
  
*Topic:***Do you believe that professional athletes make good role models for young people? Support your opinion with reasons and examples from your own knowledge or experience.**  
  
Sport is an indiscernible part of the life. It helps people improve their health and it is an useful tool for people to relax. Everyone loves sports. The top professional athletes of each sport are admired throughout their country even around the world. These athletes are a good role model for young people.  
  
Actually, the top professional athletes get a lot of attention, especially from young people. They become an idol and have a huge influences on development as well as behavior of young people. Young people learn a lot from their own idol.  
  
The first benefit which can be seen clearly is that they encourage young people to play sports. That would help young people enhance their health. The second one is to set of the important of passion. The lesson learnt here is that if you desire to be successful, you have to find your own passion. After that, all that you need is to work really hard, sacrifice anything that disrupt you from your goal, just pay attention. Finally, the best lesson learnt from top professional athletes is that "Don't stop after achieving the feat, keep going". They always keep toward even when they are at the top. They continuously pursuit the perfect.  
  
One of the interesting example for this perspective is Cristiano Ronaldo. He is a football player. He is also an idol for all young people to follow. Even though, currently, he is one of the best football player, he usually works very hard. He always starts his training two hours earlier than his other teammate and finish later. He keeps toward and break all record.  
  
With all the reasons above, again, I would like to emphasize that "Top professional athletes make good role models for young people".
hello thphoung  
it is nice to read your writing  
I have some corrections for you  
hope it helps  
  
It helps people ~~improve~~maintain their health <<< collocation  
  
... of attention, especially ~~from~~when young ~~people~~ .  
... have a huge influence~~s~~ on development as well as ...  
... a lot from their ~~own~~ idol.  
  
One of the interesting examples for this perspective ...  
  
He is a football player. He is also ...  
he is a football player and also an idol for young people which follows his path.  
  
Even though~~,~~ currently, he is one of the best football players , he usually ...  
He always starts (...) and finishes later.  
  
thanks
Hi Phoung, I believe this is my first time to review one of your essay, therefore, I would like to WELCOME you to the Essay Forum Team. I hope that you find this website to be helpful as well as valuable to your writing projects.  
  
Now, as I go through your essay, I noticed the strength of your words, the words that you associate in your essay is quiet unusual, they may not be the regular words that you use in writing an essay but they are able to send the message across and this is whats important in writing an essay.  
  
However, as much as I liked the strength you showed in the first 3 paragraphs of the essay, the last two paragraphs didn't really live up to the expected sense or should I say intensity of the essay. Having said that, I suggest that you revise the 4th paragraph and focus on the succession of ideas, I would also prefer that you input your example on the 3rd paragraph and not on the fourth one. The conclusion part also needs a lot more work and below are my suggestions.  
  
- ~~With all the reasons above, again, I would like to~~Overall, it is with much emphasis~~emphasize~~ that, indeed, "Top professional athletes make good role models for young people".  
  
There you have it Phoung, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision.
The diagram reveals the information about several steps of making chocolate. Overall, there are ten stages of chocolate production which are growing in America, Africa, and Indonesia using human potential as a main concern, then it begins from harvest the cocoa until chocolate being liquid.  
  
The process starts with picking the cocoa with ripe red pods. After that put out the white cocoa beans inside cacao. Thus, the beans through the process of fermentation. Furthermore, all of it spread in the board to conduct a drying process with the sunlight of the sun. Next, the results are collecting in the large sacks.  
  
Turning to the next step is transport the sacks by lory to going to a factory. Afterward, the sacks are taken to the factory for the roasting process in the high temperature until 350 degrees. After heating process, the beans are crushed again so that the outer shell released. The last process is the inner part of beans are pressed then the liquid of chocolate will be produced.  
  
*
HI Riandi, here's another one from my end.  
  
- The diagram reveals the information ~~about~~on several  
- ~~which are growing~~that grows in America, Africa,  
- and Indonesia ~~using human potential as a main concern~~, with the help of manpower , ~~then~~ it begins from  
- harvesting the cocoa  
- ~~until~~and turning it into liquid chocolate ~~being liquid~~ .  
  
- The process starts ~~with~~in picking the  
- ~~cocoa with~~ ripe red pods of cacao .  
- ~~After that put out the white cocoa~~The coco beans are removed from the~~inside~~ cacao.  
- ~~Thus, the beans~~Then the beans goes through the process of fermentation.  
- ~~Furthermore, all of it~~It is then spread in the  
- ... a drying process with the ~~sun~~ light of the sun.  
- ~~Next, the results are collecting~~Once dried, it is then collected in ~~the~~ large sacks.  
  
There you have it Riandi, as usual, I left a few sentences for you to practice your editing skills following the above remarks.
**With the rise in popularity of the internet, newspapers will soon become a thing of the past.**  
  
Nowadays, the popularity of newspaper has been declined. It is often supposed that the number of newspapers readers is felling down. Although some people consider that it is important to spread massage to mass people, I prefer reading on the websites and I feel that it bring more up-to-date news around the world within a few minutes.  
  
There are numerous reasons for highly demanding portals of news. Public go by online news in order to get instant and breaking news, while print versions contains yesterday's news. In addition, it is convenient, clear and use more technological tools such as video clips or audio clips to present news to the viewers. Thus, it is bringing in vast public acceptance than the printed. Moreover, the internet is more eco-friendly, whereas the production of newspaper are required trees. It means that trees are cutting down for the paper. If we shift our reading habit to online, so we can reduce the paper production. Ultimately fewer trees would be cut down.  
  
Moreover, Reading newspaper is not only a habit but also a culture for many human beings. This cultural habit has declined because of busy life. Being busy, people hardly get time to read the news. So, most of the people prefer to read the main news in their small break period using computing devices. For example, many survey on newspaper reading habits is shown that the more and more people is now reading news on e-paper during their convenient time like many European countries. It is clear that portals allow us to know current issues and back issues within a few minutes and also helps us to update knowledge whenever we want.  
  
To conclude, the reading habits on the internet has been increased as it is user friendly since portal are presenting news according to customers' want. Despite of having positive side of online news, some people are more likely to read news papers because they are used to, I think it will be the thing of the past in the next few decades.  
  
please help me in correcting  
  
~ punctuation  
~grammatical accuracy  
~ coherence, cohesiveness, lexical skills,  
~task responses.  
  
thanks in advance.
@ SYDA I like your essay. It is also strong and have made your point clearly. My comments are 1. your use of the word 'Moreover' is repeated you can use its synonym or another connecting phrases like 'Furthermore' 2. in the sentence, 'It is clear that portals allow us to know current issues and back issues within a few minutes and also helps us to update knowledge whenever we want. ' you should be use another word for back issues.
Become an astronaut is Jill dream while an underwater explorer is her passion today's, especially a cave diver. Jill Heinert, a TED speaker, was tried to explore about the wonders of Mother Earth in the past. For her, cave diving is the most dangerous attempt in the world. Swimming in blackness, silent environment and without clues to exit makes her occupation more risky. But every ways she does to explore new environment under the ocean. Firstly, she told that our Earth in not a solid but more likes a sponge with many tiny holes. Diving inside the Antarctica makes her become the first person who ever explore the inside cave of iceberg. Secondly, her purpose are discovers ice ecology and investigate for life-forms beneath the ice. As an exploration result, she found a species that no one ever existed before with unique features such as no pigment, no eyes and tremendously live longer since dinosaur's age. Furthermore, she with biologist and physicists also take a sample for rocks in the caves, slice them and look at the layers in the rocks. In addition, her team found that they can estimate about the climate changes in our planet at very different times.
Dioba, if you will just omit the first sentence in your summary, you will find that the summary essay makes much more sense. It accomplishes the task of delivering only the necessary information in a better manner than if the first sentence was still included. I am happy to tell you that your essay is really informative and I understood exactly what you are trying to say, even though the grammar accuracy range is only mid range. The rough language and sometimes misplaced words were not exactly troublesome as I was still able to narrow down exactly what you were trying to say. One thing though, it seems you forgot to note the name of the species that she discovered while exploring. I am sure that information was relayed in the video. You just weren't quick enough to note it this time around. That is the only part of the essay where you may have failed in task accuracy. Not to worry though, your overall work on the essay proves that you at least, have enough English comprehension and writing skills to get your thoughts and explanations across in an understandable manner to the reader.
hi dioba, these are my thought towards your essay  
  
...Jill Heinert, a TED speaker, ~~was~~ tried to explore about the wonders of **Mother Earth** in the past...  
[ it would be better if you explain what Mother Earth is ]  
  
...Swimming in ~~blackness~~darkness , silent environment and ~~without~~no clues to exit ...  
~~But~~ every ~~ways~~way~~she~~~~does~~had done by her to explore new environment ...  
...Secondly, her purpose are to discovers ice ecology and investigate ...  
  
i think your predominant problem are coherence and cohesion, in some sentence it looks like they are not connected to each other. secondly, your have grammar and passive or active voice issue  
  
thank you
Jill Heinert, a TED speaker, ~~was~~ tried to explore about the wonders of Mother Earth(what the meaning of mother earth?) in the past.( it is better to put this introduction in the first sentence of paragraph)  
  
~~Become an astronaut is Jill dream while...~~Jil dreams of becoming an astronaut. As a matter of fact, she is passionate about underwater explorer, specially a cave diver.  
  
~~For her~~Subsequently , cave diving (...) in the world such asswimming in blackness, silent environment ~~and~~ without clues to exit makes her occupation[00FF] become more risky. ~~But~~(using but is not appropriate in the beginning of sentence) every ~~ways~~ way  
  
~~As an exploration result,~~As a result, she found a novel s pecies that no one ever ...  
Furthermore, she was with biologist and physicists ...
The diagram shows the information about the hydrology cycle to produce water. Overall, the process involves about 4 steps by natural way. The first step is the evaporation and end results in rainfall.  
  
The first stage of the evaporation from the sea and invisible water vapour. Moreover, the sun's heat causes evaporation by the large amount of water to produce water. Then, the wind carried out it to form a cloud. Next, the accumulate of cloud that made rainfall happened especially in high land since the clouds cool further. Afterwards, the water through to low land by several ways such as water carried downstream by river and pass through the porous rock.  
  
In addition, when the water cannot pass the non-porous rock, it will accumulate in the area such as lakes and river. When it comes to the sea that water stored in here. This was the meeting point for all the water as it moved to the down land.  
  
*
hai dika  
I have some suggestions for you  
hope it helps  
  
... hydrology cycle to produce ~~water~~rainfall .  
  
... involves about ~~4~~four steps by natural way.  
  
The first stage ~~of~~is the evaporation ...  
  
...causes evaporation by ~~the~~a large amount of water to produce ~~water~~a rainfall . Then, the wind ~~carried~~are carrying out it to form a cloud.  
  
Next, the ~~accumulate~~accumulation of cloud that made rainfall ~~happened~~happens especially in ~~high land~~highland since the ...  
  
thanks
Nowadays, the environmentalists and scientist believe that global warming is one of the most dangerous issues around the world. Not only affects to the widespread countries, but also ecosystems across the Arctic and Antarctica. As a result, the population of obvious species such as fish and seabirds will decline because the warmer climate. In the other hand, animals in other continent are affected critical part of the ecosystem in the Canadian Arctic Archipelago, which has more than 36,000 islands. Reindeer or well-known as caribou travel over the ice land to find food and shelter and raise their young.
-........Not only affects to the widespread countries, [what does this mean?] WIDELY AFFECTED COUNTRIES but also ecosystems ...  
  
-......of ~~obvious~~ CERTAIN species such as (...) because OF ....  
- ..., animals in other continentSare affected [PASSIVE??? SO WHAT THE CORRELATION WITH 'CANADIAN ARCTIC ARCHIPELAGO'???] critical part of the ecosystem in ...  
---> MAY YOU YOU WANT TO SAY : animals in other continents ...  
-, ~~which has more than 36,000 islands.~~  
Reindeer or being well-known as caribou travel**S** over the ice (...) and shelter [comma] and raise their young.  
  
as you can see, you are still having problem in accuracy although it is better than before. Now you also need to concern on the function/meaning of each of your sentences to ensure that you deliver understandable summary. Your understanding on the article is also essential as you cannot make a superb summary without in-dept comprehending on the article you read
Dioba, the article that you summarized is too short. It is obvious that you wrote this summary in a rush because there is not enough information in it to deliver an authoritative feel. Also, the information is more like hearsay because you did not manage to inform the reader about who wrote the article, where it was published, and what the purpose of the article is. In fact, your summary is open ended in the sense that the final sentence does not sound like a conclusion. It is almost as if you were supposed to add some information to it but failed to do so. Did you run out of time or something? In terms of task achievement, I feel that you could have performed better and offered more information from the article. This is not as good a work as the first one you submitted for review. I suggest that you try to write another summary based on this article. Try to improve on your presentation and make sure that it is a informative as it can be for the reader. Remember, a summary must deliver the most important points of an article confusing the reader. In this case, there is notable confusion even in the way that you wrote the summary.