dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***People should follow the customs and traditions when people start to live in a new country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?***  
  
## Life in a foreign country bring some principles

  
  
Some people argue that living in a new country is means that people should learn the customs and traditions of new place. I completely agree with that opinion.  
  
People who live in new country without understanding the customs will have more problems. Firstly, it is difficulties for new residents who do not follow customs a traditions of host country. For example, when people want to start their own business, they have to know local business custom in order to be successful. Secondly, some actions will be illegal in the host country and will make local people anger. For instance, Singapore is the best country about the clean. If new individuals throw the trash on the street, they will be punished and have to pay the fee.  
  
On the other hand, there are a lot of benefits of following local customs and traditions. First of all, it is easily to make friends when new comers understand local customs and traditions. Furthermore, new immigrant will enjoy the traditions and be able to take part in community life. For example, they can participant festival with new friends when they have mutual understanding.  
  
In conclusion, for the reason I mentioned above. I strongly believe that live in new country, people have to know and understand local customs to blend into the host country.
**Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society.**  
  
## Best example mostly from parents

  
  
Children education is a long-term process in which both school and parental care play equal roles. It is certain that from each side, children can acquire many different things so that they develop to be a good person in the future. Therefore, the roles of both parents and school are very important and inseparable to the development of every single child  
  
To be a good member of society, individual or explicitly children need to have knowledge from school and manners, demeanors from their parents. The former is considerably needed especially in the modern world of many new technologies are created thanks to people who called "genius". The latter is also something that is necessary for every single person because "manners make man" For instance, a rookie with much grey matter acts insolently, arrogantly with his seniors could not get the respect from others, and of course, never be a good member of society. Thus, the two most essential elements which decide the nurture of children come from their home and school. Missing any of those, a child cannot grow up and develop efficiently due to being lacking in many main skills and knowledge  
  
Many people may think one out of two is enough for their child. The reason is because they have not thought clearly about the impact of the lack of one of those two on a child. A big-hearted child gets much love from his beloved ones but not enough the caring in education from his teachers may grow up and be a burden to the society. Under the same roof at school, children can learn how to cooperate in some group activities. The bond is therefore reinforced and fostered, leading to better behaviors for children, of which they are necessary for society. On the other hand, a smart child who always gets high score at school and even has enough ability to win the gold medal in the Olympics is insolent and arrogant because he thinks he is at a higher level to everyone. Later, we definitely cannot expect him to be a good person let alone a good member of society because talented people without virtue are useless. This misunderstanding may somehow lead to the negative consequent of which decreasing a child's ability to develop integrally.  
  
In conclusion, children's being good highly demands the positive impacts from family and school environment in order to get the integral achievement from any aspect. Many people may get the wrong assumption towards the importance of the 2 elements but eventually it's undoubtable that missing one of thoes two, your child will be missing some of very necessary skills which can make them a good member for society.
First, I see that you have chosen parents as the favorite for integrating children to the public life. However, you do not seem to keep up with your argument in most parts of the essay.  
  
At one point you are talking about parents as instrumental while on the other you talk about the teachers.  
I would suggest that you choose your position early in the essay to guide you and the reader through the rest of the essay.  
This strategy means writing a clear thesis statement at the end of the first paragraph of your discourse.  
Usually, this statement will show the points you intend to use to support your position.  
For example, you could state that parents are the best option for integrating children to public life since they spend most of the time with them, can shape them according to the desired state, and have better mechanisms for doing so.  
  
In the following paragraphs, I would take each of the points and explain how that would help integrate children to public life.  
Also, the conclusion would be a restatement of the main argument and the points used in the main essay.  
Finally, you need to check your grammar and sentence structure.
hello. thank you for your feedback :). i don't know why but the topic up there is not my topic. it's just the general one. mine is: "Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. " So, in my opinion, I go for the importance of BOTH school and parent. I was not choosing any of those. That's why I analysed both sides and came to the conclusion that both are important and missing one of 2 will cause negative impact on the development of a child. And can you point out what is wrong with my grammar and sentence structure so that I can easily fix it? Thank you so much.@Frank86
**Some people think it is more important for government to spend public money on promoting a healthy life style than on the treatment of people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## better to prevent or to fix health problems?

  
  
A developing nation is where local people are ensured health as much as they hope. Some people reckon that building a healthy life is much better than treating sick people. I strongly disagree with the statement due to the fact that everything has 2 both sides.  
  
To begin with, there are some remarkable benefits in efforts on building a healthy lifestyle for residents. Firstly, thanks to clean environment, people have a more positive behavior and last lifespan. Obviously, when government pours a massive amount of money into constructing entertainment sites and improving habitat quality, citizens reduce work-pressure and have better health. Moreover, because government frequently implements instrument of propaganda, medical pilot programs, people will be equipped with knowledge of sick prevention to protect their own. Secondly, this idea will surely hinder widespread plague which state is utilizing various measures to control it. According to some medical experts, in spite of lifestyle and medical ignorance, some harmful viruses still have good conditions to grow, and thus, local authority combines with inhabitants to address above problems radically. As a result, this policy is considered as an ingenious solution because of its permanent value.  
  
By contrast, if nation looks down on curing illness, large advantages will be unfortunately forgotten. Specifically, when nation's budget expends much money on researching to figure out root of sickness, it creates extremely vital breakthroughs in medicine. Evidently, although some residents always have a healthy lifestyle, they still contract untreatable diseases as well as serious cancers. Thus, fabricating medical cutting-edge technology not only adapts to current demand but also serves future need to heal the most effective patients. Besides, in today globalization process, by dint of cosmopolitan workshops, transferring technology and expertise is occurred quickly and actively, and hence, this action becomes a lasting symbol of international solidarity.  
  
In conclusion, each idea has its own value. Government should combine advantages between above solution to advance citizens' health much and much better.
This is quite an interesting topic to read. I notice that you identified your position early in the paper. However, you do not provide a detailed position in the form of a thesis statement that outlines the points you will use to defend your position. Also, I notice that you began with a counter argument rather than your main argument; the second argument should be the last before the conclusion part.  
  
Additionally, you ought to avoid long sentences that make your work look awkward and difficult to read.  
The other point is that you need to back up your claims with reputable sources. For example, "according to medical experts..." needs you to insert references.  
  
Remember that a conclusion requires you to restate your thesis and the main points.  
All in all, you have very strong points that if used properly would make a strong argument paper.
## Kids should demonstrate their honour and obedience toward parents

  
  
In a common family, children's obedience to their parents' advice is very ordinary. Some say that off-springs should always follow their parents' commandment. Personally, I find this statement is just appropriate in some situation.  
  
To begin with, there are some outstanding reasons that children should obey their parent's counsel. First of all, parents are more mature than children, because they are older, they have more experience in life. That is the reason why children sometimes do not know what is the right and wrong or what is better for them while the older generations are better at this. A quintessential example is that a child has a number of new friends, he does not understand much about them, but his parents might know them well and tell him whom he should make friends with. Then, he had better follow this advice. In addition, obeying parents does not only mean doing what they tell, it is also honouring older generations as well. They are people who gave birth and brought children up little by little, they are the most people understanding their children. Consequently, taking parents' advice is one way to show their respect and their love. For instance, a boy wants to go out with his friends, he has his father's permission, whereas his mother forbids him, even thought there is nothing to do at home. He can go but he still stay at home just because he respects his parents.  
  
In contrast, there are some reasons that children need not always listen to their parents' commandment. The most noticeable reason is that parents' advice is not always proper. Despite their maturity, sometimes they might not update current tendency, therefore, they have some wrong opinions about their children's demands. To illustrate, my uncle bans his daughter from making friends with any males. He just wants her to go to school and stay at home studying. He thinks it is the best thing for her but it makes her bored and under great pressure. The last opinion should be mentioned is off-springs' independence which means that they can do anything they want as long as it is legal. When a child can take up a hobby, a university or a job by himself, this means that he is more mature, and he has responsibility for his whole life. My cousin tended to become a singer while his parents want him to be a doctor. The did many ways to convince him giving up his dream but he tried his best to carry out his dream, as a result, he is now a famous singer. Hence, when their children have their own decision, it illustrates that they are more mature and thoughtful.  
  
In conclusion, children should take their parents' counsel so as to demonstrate their honour and obedience, but when their advice is not reasonable, they can explain to their parents so that they will be understanding and sensible with their aim.
I think you have done a pretty good job in addressing the prompt, but honoring your parents involves more than following their advice and their rules. I guess I am not sure exactly what the prompt was, since the title of the essay and the title of the post don't match. Anyway, you have given a lot of relevant examples and your writing is clear, but I do have some specific suggestions below. By the way, you do have a lot of "comma splice" run-on sentences. You are not allowed to connect two complete sentences with a comma. You need to use a period or semicolon.  
  
In a common {"typical" seems better here} family,  
  
advice is very ordinary. {"commonplace" might be better than ordinary}  
that [offspring] should always {but "offspring" sounds a bit odd for people I think}  
  
this statement is [only] appropriate in some [situations].  
reasons [why] children should obey  
children[. B]ecause they  
of new friends[. H]e does not  
  
what they [say], it is also  
  
little by little[; t]hey are the ~~most~~ people [who understand] their children [best].  
his friends[. H]e has his father's  
  
mother forbids him, even [though]  
  
He can go but he still[ stays] at home  
their parents' commandment. {"commandment" sounds a bit odd in this context}  
  
they might not update current tendency, {this phrase is incorrect}  
  
The last opinion [that] should be mentioned  
  
My cousin [intended] to become ... parents [wanted] him to be a doctor. The [tried] many ways to convince him [to give] up his dream  
  
carry out his dream[. A]s a result,  
  
but when their [parents'] advice is not reasonable
dear~ Please correct the content , I would be really thankful ! (my teacher told me i always write chinglish,hahaha)  
  
## kidnapping issue opinion

  
  
I think kidnapping is the worst crime.  
The missing girls who sent to remote areas in China will be forced into marriage, it's common the man who can't find a wife will buy a kidnapped girl from an abductor in the remote areas. The girl can't run away from there, the local police can't save the girl, because the local villages think getting married with kidnapped girl is reasonable.  
  
Children kidnapping is one the type of kidnapping. Some of the missing children who get disabled will be a tool to beg for money. The abductor told them that their real parents are dead or abandoned them, they suffer emotionally and physically pain, they will be depression and helplessness.  
  
Abductor steals person for organ grafting. Finding a fit organ for urgent patient is not easy, it takes long time. So the abductor sells the organ from the abducted person. I think the abductor is homicide.  
  
if police arrests the abductor, the criminals are punishable by death! They ruin other's family.
**In the past, when students did a university degree they tended to study in their own country.  
Nowadays, they have more opportunities to study abroad.  
What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?**  
  
## different learning environment

  
  
It is no doubt true that nowadays many students are inclined towards studying abroad. Studying overseas would certainly help to promoting students' knowledge but there will also be some drawbacks.  
  
The advantages of studying in a foreign country are numerous. Firstly, it allows students to study in the world's most prestigious universities which might not be possible if they intended to study in their own countries.Take Iran as an example. The most renowned academic institutions of Iran are ranked over two hundred among all universities globally. As a consequence, many talented students decide to continue their education in top universities of developed countries which are often among the best in their related subjects. Secondly, by studying in such institutions, students will be able to transfer their knowledge to their own countries and aid to promote the level of knowledge in their specialized majors. Finally, living in a foreign country for a short period of time can help students to broaden their horizons. In other words, they would be able to learn a new language in a native community and this eventually could lead to better understanding of a new culture and connecting with people from different nationalities.  
  
On the other hand, there are definitely some disadvantages to this development. One of the main drawbacks is that studying abroad can put substantial strains on families. That is to say in most cases students are financially dependent on their families and they don't have any other source to meet their expenditures. However, if students study in their home countries, these costs will be much lesser. Another drawback is brain drain. Unfortunately, a large proportion of students who leave their countries to study overseas won't come back after graduation. This has become a problematic issue within many countries, particularly underdeveloped and developing ones. Brain drain could have a devastating impact on the communities because these students are often among the most elite members of their societies.  
  
In conclusion, the tendency towards studying abroad has certainly some plus points, but not all of the outcomes of this development have been positive.
... of a new culture and ~~connecting~~ **connection** with people from ...  
  
Another drawback is brain drain.  
This is a strong point :)  
to study overseas ~~won't~~ **would not** come back after graduation.  
and they ~~don't~~ **do not** have any other ...  
  
Avoid word contraction. However, you have a wide range of vocabulary. There is a smooth flow of ideas, for you have used transitional devices which make your points easy to understand.  
  
Nowadays, they have more opportunities to study abroad.  
How about this one? I think it's better to also incorporate discussing these opportunities that the students have.  
  
In the past, when students did a university degree they tended to study in their own country.  
You should have related this in your intro before your thesis statement.
Hello,  
  
I believe you catched the main points about studying abroad. I would suggest you to mention about the opportunities that the students can benefit in these days and didn't have before, in parallel with the question.  
  
You can also include some solutions to the things that you showed as disadvantages. For example, for economic problems of families, now we have more opportunities to get scholarships, which turns this disadvantage into another chance to study abroad and confutes your opinion. This change would make your essay more detailed and elaborative. I like the essay the way it is, though. These are just my opinions.  
  
Best,  
Ezgi
**please give me your valuable suggestion to get band 7+ in my writing.**  
  
**Governments should make more effort to promote alternative sources of energy.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?**  
  
## dependency on fossil fuels

  
  
Nowadays, the growing population and the technological advancements lead the high level of consumption of energy. While the volume of source of energy is reducing, emission of carbon dioxide is increasing with the excessive use of the energy. In this phenomenon or case, I believe that governments must pay attention for other ways of producing energy to save existing energy sources and environment.  
  
The fact is that fossil fuels like oil, coal, and natural gas are limited. Every day, these fuels meet the increasing demand of energy used in industries, agriculture, households, producing electricity, and so on. Consequently, the risk of energy security is going up significantly. It can be easily predicted that increasing consumption of energy will soon deplete the natural sources of energy. So, decision makers around the world have to acknowledge the concern of decreasing the fuels and should explore substitutes of it.  
  
The main reason for the alarming rise in global warming is the usage of fuels for vehicles and factories. The impact of the warming is melting of ice-mountains in north polls, rising of sea level; more floods in some countries while droughts in the other part of the world, and so on. Thus, all living things will be in danger in the near future. Therefore, authorities have to explore other type of fuels from the wind, the sea and the sun which does not pollute the environment and is an everlasting source of power.  
  
To conclude, dependency on fossil fuels is not only the main reason of the scarcity of energy, but also Greenhouse gas emission. If the tendency will continue to go up, then it might not save natural resources and atmosphere. Although some government is introducing new sources of power to their community, I suppose that it is high time to encourage different sources of energy all over the world
Hello Sfiza,  
  
It's a very interesting and popular topic. You may want to read some articles about this topic before revising your essay.  
  
In the first paragraph, you have well summarized the reasons of your opinion. However, you have missed one point in the body of your essay - how GHG emission rates are increasing due to the usage of fossil fuels. In the third paragraph, you mentioned about the results of global warming, but you should also include the effects of GHG emissions to the global warming. Like this, your third paragraph sounds incomplete and written quickly.  
  
In the last parapraph, you said that usage of fossil fuels is not the only reason, but also GHG emissions. I believe that you should indicate how they are interconnected notions, instead of recognizing them as two different reasons.  
  
I like your closing sentences, you emphasize the severe results of human activities.  
  
Best,  
Ezgi
Ahmad, a motivational letter should be short but informative and effective in delivering an overview of your statement of purpose. Your essay effectively does this in paragraphs 2 & 3. This motivational letter currently has too much information in it when the most important motivational points are only found in the aforementioned paragraphs. It would be best if you revise those 2 paragraphs to become the Motivational representation in your letter. That is because those she both the motivation and purpose of your interest in higher study. Keeping the motivational letter short, in this instance, about 3 paragraphs long will effectively do the job that needs to get done in the presentation of the letter. Reformat the presentation of paragraphs 2 & 3 and the motivational letter should fall into place for you. It doesn't need to be any longer than that.
Hello Ahmad,  
  
Firstly, I wish you good luck for receiving the scholarship.  
  
You have well explained why you want to continue your studies in the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs. I don't find your letter too long but you should adjust your 4th paragraph and make it look more professional. It shouldn't seem like you just pasted some sentences from their website: "First, this university has an international reputation and its ranking ..." Try to paraphrase this sentence.  
  
There is also one mispelling that is repeated throughout your essay: ~~thorough~~  - through  
  
Best,  
Ezgi