dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hi guys! I need help to edit my small essay for my English class. I am studying English so i think it must have many things wrong need correcting.  
  
Thanks for any help from everybody!!!  
  
**Describe some job positions that may be lost because of computers, and discuss at least one problem**  
  
Computers are made with expecting purpose helping people's life more easier. But nowadays, there are too much influences of computer on work. The proof is some jobs position which are completely replaced by computer should have been for human. This may cause something bad we have never thought.  
  
In the present days, there are many jobs which are expected to be supported by computer but the truth is that computer replaced human. First of all, students can choose courses to learn on internet by a computer instead of a teacher before. Even studying programs on computer are applied in college or university. Automatic ticket-selling machines at cinemas or bus stations gradually replaced ticket sellers. In processed food factories, the technological chain do all specific tasks such as: cleaning, cutting, slicing... . Handwritten letter is replaced by electronic mails, so staffs in post office can lose their jobs. Moreover, jobs of management, science, service and accountant may be lost due to computer.  
  
There are many problems can be encountered by people. Firstly, the appearance of computer impacts to increase the rate of unemployment. For example, many jobs are replaced by the computers, so they loss their jobs on account of development of technology. Beside, unemployment means rising crime, poor quality of life, ... This also means the life of people is getting worse, not better as we thought.  
  
Finally, we cannot deny that in addition to advantages, computers did provide a lot of unexpected disadvantages. It's time for governments now to make relevant solutions to unemployment problems
Hi guy, I have just improved something in your paragraph, I hope it is correct and helpful for you.  
1. You have some troubles with relative clause  
2. Lack of linking words (First of all, secondly, thirdly, moreover, last but not least..)  
3. Repeat one the word: "lose" many time, you should use more synonym: quit, retire early, .  
4. And some other unnamed mistakes  
  
Computers are made with expecting purpose ... >>> The expecting purpose of computer invention is helping our life easier.  
The proof is some jobs position which are completely ... (relative clause mistake) >>> . The remarkable proof is some job positions which should have been for human completely replaced by computer.  
  
This may cause something bad we have never thought.>>> This may cause some negative effects we have never thought before.  
  
there are many jobs which are expected to ... >>> there are many jobs which are expected computer as a supporter but the truth is that computer has completely replaced human in these case  
  
students can choose courses to learn on ... >>> students tend to choose e-learning courses in the internet by computer instead of teachers as they used to do  
  
you have to write more clearly when you turn into the other idea  
Automatic ticket-selling machines at cinemas or ...  
Secondly, in term of cinemas or bus stations , automatic ticket-selling machines gradually replaced ticket sellers.  
  
There are many job expect computer as a supporter
*As the world becomes technologically advanced, computers are replacing more and more jobs.  
  
Describe some job positions that may be lost because of computers, and discuss at least one problem that may result.  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words."*  
  
**The employment in the modern world**  
  
Nowadays, the technology is more and more advance, people believed that it would make their jobs easier. Along with the development of this advanced technology, human were getting huge benefits. However, there were some disadvantages also.  
  
There are lots of jobs which are expected to replace by computer. Firstly, The traditional education methods will be change because mostly children prefer to learn from computer with more interesting ways than the teacher now. As a result, Teachers are likely to replaced by the computer.  
  
In addition, the traditional postman will also disappear because of the development of E-Mail. In the modern world, it is hard to find the traditional postman who delivers letters, money, packages, and other things because of the benefits of the mail services.  
  
What is more, the cashier at supermarket are likely to lose their position. With the advanced technology, people can pay their bill by credit card, thus that job may be replaced by computer. Moreover, jobs of services, accountant, salesman,...ect, will be overtaken by computer.  
  
Therefore, there are lots of problems that people can be encountered. The introduction of computer is responsible for the increasing of unemployment rate. Adding to it, the homeless may become criminals in order to survive in inflastion era, so that the crime rate will increase cause by the high unemployment rate.  
  
In overall, the losing job positions is not a good sign for the development of a country, the government should create more jobs for people which are replaced by the computer.  
  
Could someone give me some device?? Thank you so much for reading.
First, you need to go back to learning how to use a passive voice. For example, this one is incorrect:  
  
"~~which are expected to replace by computer~~ " - correct: "which are expected to be replaced by computer"  
  
or this one:  
  
"~~that people can be encountered~~ " - correct: "that people can encounter"  
  
Second, don't start common words with a capital letter (eg. *The*, or *Teachers* in the sentences above should be all lower-caps).  
  
the government should create more jobs for people  
You need to elaborate more on that because it directly defies your thesis statement. Governments and corporations (that mostly sponsor and write laws for the government) - using tax money of the people - created the technology to replace the costly, human workforce. Now you are naively asking that the same governments will "create jobs." You need to find and focus on more reasonable solutions to your problem, knowing that there will be no help from government or corporations now and in the future.
Belinda Luscombe said that greater people will bring happiness to the one surround their circumstance and they are healthier rather than the gloomy one. Between 2006 and 2012 Michigan State University surveyed among 2,000 adults married normal couples in the Health and Retirement over the last six years has been found that Participants with happy partners were significantly more likely to report better health, experience less physical impairment, and to exercise more frequently than participants with unhappy partners. The writer suggests, there are 3 reason points for a happy person why they could improve the health of their lover. First, a happy spouse is a better caretaker. Secondly, people with a positive outlook are more likely to eat better, exercise, sleep regularly, avoiding doing self-destructive things And thirdly, happy partners bring life easier for their lovers because their lovers are not stressed. And this research adjusted for gender, wealth and educational attainment but there was no difference in these outcomes between husbands and wives. The study surveyed four health indices: self-reported health, physical impairment, exercise and chronic conditions but the chronic conditions were the only thing that could not improve a cheerful life partner  
  
Source : time
Hello Eve01, I will give you some opinions about your article summarize.  
  
"Between 2006 and 2012**(,)** Michigan State University...". You should take an attention about the using of comma, because your essay have 'no comma' in some sentences. It is important too to give you higher score.  
  
"...in the Health and Retirement**(,)** over the last six years**(,)***(it)*~~has~~*(had)* been found that Participants..." I think it should be "had" because It was already over now.  
  
"... Participants with happy partners were significantly more likely **to** report better health, *(to)* experience less physical impairment, and **to** exercise more frequently than participants with unhappy partners". I think you miss that one.  
  
"... avoiding doing self-destructive things**(.)**~~And~~ thirdly, happy partners bring life easier...". I think "and" words is not appropriate if you put it in the first sentence.
Hi Eva, I believe this is my first review of your essay and I hope my suggestions are helpful.  
  
- Belinda Luscombe said that great~~er~~ people will  
- bring happiness to the one they surround  
- their circumstance with and  
- 2,000 married adults,~~married~~ normal couples,  
- ~~in the~~regarding their Health and Retirement  
- over the last six years and they found out that it has  
- ~~more likely to report better~~ healthier ,  
- experience less physical impairment, and ~~to~~ exercise  
- person ~~why~~and how they could improve  
- avoid~~ing~~ doing self-destructive things.  
-~~And thirdly~~Lastly , happy partners ~~bring~~makes life easier for  
- ~~And this~~This research adjusted for gender,  
  
There you have it Eva, I hope this revision helps you when you rewrite your summary essay.
Nowadays, people go along with the efficient of human have significantly increased from the past as a result of the computer was invented. With the development of computer technology, there are a variety of new technologies were invented. However, besides various benefits, there are some disadvantages as well.  
  
First of all, it is impossible to memorize all of the human's without untold current knowledge even it is still significantly growing, but the invented computer has effectively solved this problem for us. Moreover, thanks to the excellent data and algorithms solving, it is able to help people finish a huge number of works within just a few seconds. Also, the sensitive control of computer technology make our life be easier and easier. For example, it created lots of improving in hospital industry helping people again from recently diseases with no cure. And there are many robots helping people so much were discovered by computer technology.  
  
However, that also exists a few disadvantages. In my view, the biggest problem is developing computer will delete a lot of jobs operated by human. A various of technologies were invented to replace human to get a higher effective and smaller labor costs. It make the unemployment is more and more popular particularly developing and undeveloped countries because at that time if you want to get a job, you will be required to get very high qualifications. However, there are a few works that computer cannot do, it is make a piece of artwork because only the special meticulous man can create unique products.  
  
To sum up, computer bring us many advantages and in contemporary society, it is hard to live without it. In the other way, it also have bad effects with many countries and many people.
Hello Samson!!  
  
Making a few changes. Hope it helps!!  
I would suggest Starting off the esay with the merits together and then later showing that despite these benefits, there are certain problems as well.  
  
INTRO: Since the advent of the computer age, there has been a steady development in the standards of living. This has been attributed to an increased efficiency in work using computer technology.  
  
Firstly, computers have an immense capacity to store data regarding various fields, acting as the ultimate database for knowledge. Further due to algorithm solving, heavy workloads are completed in a short span of time. Also, the user friendly nature of this technology has made life much easier. One of the few examples of this would be artificial Intelligence developed using computers, which are the basis for present day robots helping in a variety of industries  
  
Now we talk about the demerits.  
  
Yet, even with these immense benefits, certain demerits go hand in hand.  
One of the biggest issues today with the development of computers and machines is that it leads to the elimination of a lot of jobs. Industrial equipments are slowly replacing the human workforce, simply because of increased efficiency, reduced time, and lower costs. This could lead to unemployment of many members of the middle and lower classes of the society.  
  
To summarize, computers are an astonishing creation which has made life easier for the entire community, but vigilance is required with it's operation.
Hi JC, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, I hope you find this website helpful to your writing projects. Now, first things first, you nailed a "Descriptive Essay", you have elaborated the event in a way that each and every reader who will get a chance to read you essay will be able to understand your essay.  
  
Furthermore, the essay is like I'm reading a short story, it can actually be labeled as a short story and though mI may not be in the position to tag is as such, I believe it has all the points to be one of those stories that you will read through as it is as descriptive as one can possibly write it.  
  
Moreover, you made sure that the words you associate in the essay are very easy to understand, words where you don't have to look up in the dictionary and this is very crucial when it comes to writing. The goal should be, that your readers know and understand what they are reading and the purpose of the article that you have written. I hope this insights help you in diminishing your doubts about your article, believe me, I enjoyed reading it and I know it answered what is asked of you to write about.
Hi JC, thank you for writing back and acknowledging our assistance here on EF, I hope your revision is going to be a stronger essay than your draft and hopefully the suggestions and corrections make it even more meaningful and even more joyful to read.  
  
Now, as much as we want you to write as often as you can, it will also help if you read a lot, this will definitely benefit you in your future writing projects as this will open your eyes to the different usage of the words, not only in the sentences but more importantly to the overall impact of the essay towards answering the prompt.  
  
Moreover, we wish you well in submitting this descriptive essay and should you need further assistance, I believe google always help, however, writing us here on EF will absolutely do you a lot of good. Keep writing!
**Jim Hemerling: 5 ways to lead in an era of constant change**  
  
El Seed, was born in Paris and learnt Arabic at his 18, talked about the street art such as graffiti and calligraphy that he used as devices to deliver peace and hope messages to the universe. In the first instance, he merely wrote on the walls but then he was allowed to paint on a 78 meters of a mosque tower by the Imam in Tunisia. The bizarre thing was the Imam did not ask what would he paint on it, the Imam let him created what he decided. Then he mixed the calligraphy and graffiti and put a message in Arabic language which quoted from Koran, said that " oh humankind, we have created you from men and women to know one each other" and the Imam was extremely happy and hoped that the mosque could be a landmark of the city to unite the community. His goal of painting the Arabic graffiti and calligraphy is to bring people, generation to get the peace, you do not have to know the meaning of it to connected to the peace, since there is a beauty that you do not necessitate to translate because in Arabic graffiti and also Arabic scripts speak to everyone. He has once painted a graffiti in Rio de Janeiro, he tinted on rooftops and everybody was curios to know what does it mean, once he told them the meaning, they thanked to him and tended to feel connected and peace. In South Africa, he pictured a graffiti which means "it seems possible until it is done". In Paris, a never-to-be-forgotten affair was happened, when a guy let him to paint on his wall and he drew an Arabic graffiti, that guy was mad and want his wall to be cleared as he finished it, he was disappointed at that time. A week after, a magic matter happened, an event organization called him and asked him to create a graffiti on the wall right in front of the guy's house. He was happy because the guy who dislikes his work before should see the graffiti everyday. By painting the graffiti and calligraphy he wished everybody enjoy the graffiti even they do not have any idea what does it mean, he hopes the messages in it will spread a happiness, peace and hopes around the globe.
Hi Rosa, upon reading this summary essay as well as the other essays you have written, it is of no doubt that you know how to write and you understand what is asked of you to do in your essays, however, I do agree that your sentences are full of unnecessary ideas that are enclosed and rather jammed up in a sentence with what looked to be like a trying hard sentence and this is not the way to showcase your ideas and to make it known to your readers.  
  
Having said that, I suggest you do this practice, when you write or before you do, try to meditate or concentrate on what you want to write in a particular task, when you have this in mind, tackle the hardest part, forming the logical order of your ideas, in order for them to stand a solid ground in your essay.  
  
Moving forward, as mentioned, I know you have all the potential to be an awesome writer, however, you need a lot of practice and stop confusing yourself with too many words in a sentence, keep your sentences simple and I assure you, it will be more meaningful this way.
Hello, this is my resume about **"How to grow a forest in your backyard" by Shubhendu Sharma-TED talk**  
  
Nowadays, forest not only use as a place for biodiversity, but also as the main place in this globalizations era. It does not matter the big or the small there are. Growing the forest in backyard of the house just need approximately 2 years. There are some benefits of forest, for example to produce the natural resources for vehicle. To make a forest, we should know the elements of it and try to group the elements. The main factor is soil and how to make water absorbed into it. We should make sure that the soil held the water and stay moist. If the soil do not have the nutrient, we must add it. On the other hand, soil has microorganism that could make the soil life and contained nutrient, because the task of microorganism is to eat and multiply.  
  
Trees divide into 4 layers, there are canopy layer, tree layer, sub-tree layer, and shrub layer. The different between the canopy layer and tree layer is only in the size of the tree. Canopy layer located on the top of big trees and tree layer located on the top part of the medium-size trees. There are several steps to make a forest. Firstly, by spreading the seeds into the moist soil. Make sure there is a space between plants. After 3 month, the seeds grow into plants. The health of soil is known by the growth of mushrooms. Then, we must watering the plants daily until it reach approximately 2 years and try to remove the weed. AS the forest grow up, the sunlight can not reach the soil, and without the sunlight, weed disappear naturally. The forest no need to be watered again because the forest is moist enough and they can grow forever.
Hi Gigih,  
I enjoy read your resume, I think it's really good. Just a few mistakes below.  
1. After ~~3 month~~ 3 months, the seeds grow into plants......  
2. AS the forest grow up,(...), weed ~~disappear~~ disappears naturally.......  
3. ... and they can grow ~~forever.~~ I think "durable" or " sustainable" is better meaning.
HI Gigih, here's another one from my end.  
  
- Nowadays,the ( don't forget your linking verbs ) forest is not only  
- used as a place for biodiversity,  
- but also as the main ~~place~~source of food in this globalizations era.  
- It does not matter the big or the small there are. - I believe this sentence is not necessary  
  
-Growing the forest in our backyard ~~of the house~~ just need approximately 2 years.  
- There are some benefits ~~of~~in growing a forest,  
- for example ~~to~~they produce ~~the~~ natural resources ~~for vehicle~~ .  
- The main factor is soil and how ~~to~~ make sure that the water absorb~~ed into~~ it.  
- we ~~must~~should add some to it.  
  
- On the other hand, the soil has microorganism that  
- could ~~make the soil~~give life and  
- ~~contained~~ nutrients ,  
- because the task of the microorganism  
  
There you have it Gigih, as you can see, there's still a lot more to do and enhance your essay and I hope you follow through with the corrections.  
  
I left the last paragraph so you can practice editing yourself.
Hii, Here is my resume from **TED about "How to speak so that people want to listen"**  
Please give your comment below...  
  
Human voice is the most powerful sound from the world. Some people had experience when they spoke, audience did not listen to them. There several senses of speaking in the world. Firstly, Gossiping. Actually after 5 minutes we talked, people around us will make a gossip about the way we talked. Secondly, judging. It is very hard to listen to somebody if we know that we were being judged. Thirdly, negativity. If we have negative thinking, we also hard to be listen by someone. The last is about hesitation to difference between fact and opinion. Sometimes, we feel very difficult to listen when someone talked opinion and fact. There are 4 ways to become powerful when we are speaking in front of people and to make a change in the world. The word "HAIL", which mean to greet or acclaim enthusiastically. The H is stand for honesty in order to be clear and straight. The A is stand for authenticity, it means that we have to be our-self when we are talking in front of people. The I is stand for integrity or make sure what will we talk so the audience can trust what we said. Finally L is stand for love, it means that we have to wish people well in our speak. In conclusion, people have toolbox in their body such as mouth and tongue as a gift from the God. We have to use it to improve our speak, for example we should manage the tone of our voice, when we use high tone and when we use low tone to persuade audience.
Hello Gigih,  
Here some inputs for you.  
  
- ... the most powerful sound ~~from~~**in** the world.  
- Some people had experience**S** when they spoke, audience did not listen to**pay attention on** them.  
- There **are** several senses of speaking  
- ... we also hard to be listen**ED** by someone.  
- The last**Lastly,**~~is~~ about hesitation to difference  
- Sometimes, we feel very difficult**find some difficulty in**~~to~~ listen when someone talked **about** opinion and fact.  
  
**Good Luck!**
Hi Gigih, I have a few notes for your essay but before I do, just a clarification, what do you exactly mean by;  
  
Hii, Here is my resume?, it the word "resume" in this phrase use as a bio data or to "resume" like to continue something?  
  
- ~~Human~~Peoples voice is the most powerful  
- sound ~~from~~to shout out to the world.  
- Some people ~~had~~ experienced that  
- when they ~~spoke~~speak ,  
- the audience ~~did~~does not listen to them.  
- There are several senses  
- ~~of speaking in~~to use to speak to the the world.  
- First~~ly~~ , Gossiping.  
- Actually after 5 minutes ~~we talked~~of talking ,  
- that we ~~were~~are being judged.  
- If we have a negative thinking,  
- ~~we~~it's also hard to be listen ~~by~~to someone.  
- The last is about hesitation to the difference  
- Sometimes, we feel ~~very~~that its difficult to  
- listen when someone talked about their opinion and fact.  
  
There you have it Gigih, as you can see, there's still quiet a lot of work to be done in your summary essay and I hope you follow through with the suggested remarks.