dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Meat production requires relatively more land than crop production. Some people think that as land is becoming scarce, the world's meat consumption should be reduced.  
  
What measures could be taken to reduce the world's meat consumption? What kinds of problems might such measures cause?**  
  
It is true that with the growth in the world's population, the land that is available for food production is becoming less than ever. Since meat production requires more land than crops production, some people think that the use of meat should be lowered. There are several steps can be taken to diminish meat consumption, yet these solutions might have undesirable consequences.  
  
While meat is the major source of protein that human body needs, the only way to cut down meat consumption is to find alternative sources of protein. The first choice would be to adopt an orientation towards genetically modified (GM) foods. To fill the gap that the lack of meat might cause, there will be a need of crops production in large scale; therefore, GM crops are the most appropriate method. Another measure to consider is that governments can support crops production by encouraging agribusinesses through offering subsidies and tax cuts. As a result of this development, crops prices will fall down, then people will become willing to buy them rather than meat.  
  
However, these measures mentioned above can have a number of limitations. Firstly, depending on vegetation as a main food might reduce the size of livestock. Consequently, there will be a surplus of grass and posture that are used to feed animals.Thus, these can be a waste that is threatening the environment. Secondly, genetically engineered foods are considered to be harmful to our ecosystem. GM foods have a negative impact on mankind health, they also damage the environment by spoiling the soil.  
  
To conclude, there are many ways to cut down meat consumption, nevertheless, these measures have some disadvantages.
Hi, i give some advice for you, perhaps useful for you.  
1. ... harmful to our ecosystem. GM foods have a negative impact on ... ----> after the main sentence, you put support sentence, but you do not explain more about your supporting sentence and not give example to make the sentence clearly, so the reader will easy to follow your summary.  
  
2. It is true that ~~with~~ the growth in the world's...  
3. Firstly, depending on vegetation as a main [...] that are used to feed animals. ---> you should be explain why depending on vegetation might reduce the size of live stock. but unfortunately, you **supporting sentence** not explain about your first argument.  
  
Keep writing.
A breakdown of the information about the percentage of the density of aging people in three different developed countries over one century started in 1940 was showed in the line chart. Overall, all figures experienced an upward trend. Even though the USA predominated in the beginning, Japan dominated in the end of the period.  
  
Initially, the figure showed USA dominated proportion of the population aged 65 until 1990. It was followed by Sweden has a similar trend like USA, but occupied in the second position. After that, Japan decreased gradually and take place in the third position.  
  
Turning to 2000, Sweden increased dramatically to 16% and takeover USA so that leading the proportion in aging aged. USA experienced decreased gradually to 14%, while Japan saw increased slightly to 5%. In 2020, USA still same proportion in this year, yet Sweden witnessed increased gradually by 15%. Japan saw a remarkable increase of around 8%. Eventually, all countries experienced an increasing, while the proportion rocketed to around 27% was recorded by Japan.  
  
*
Hallo ryan... here my sugestion for you..  
  
First of all, i have seen your graph picture for this question, and it unappropiate with the content of your essay. please check it again. Be carefull on your next essay.. next, i give some notes about your essay esspecially in grammatical errors.  
  
A breakdown of ~~the~~ information about (...) started in 1940 ~~was~~is showed in the line chart **(For paraphrasing the question you must use present form. You should make it in the past form in your overview)** .  
  
It was followed by Sweden ~~has~~ had a similar trend ...  
... gradually and ~~take~~**took**place in the third position.  
  
... dramatically to 16% and ~~takeover~~**took over** USA so that leading the...  
**In 2020, USA still same proportion in this [...] rocketed to around 27% was recorded by Japan.****(I think for this statement you should use future form not in past form)**  
  
i hope it helps. good luck
President of Indonesia, Joko "Jokowi" Widodo congratulated the United States President-elect, Donald J. Trump on Wednesday a few hours after the full result of the US election. He said that as the name of Indonesia government and all of people in Indonesia, he congratulated to 45th president-elect of the United States. Furthermore, Jokowi said that Indonesia was ready to continue of mutual diplomatic relationship among both countries. And also he hoped that the mutual cooperation between Indonesia and the United States of America can create serenity and welfare through the world.  
  
As we known that Donald J. Trump was selected as 45th president of United States a few days ago. He won the United States election by 273 electoral votes, while his rival Hillary Clinton just had 218 electoral votes. Donald J. Trump won the election because the United States has a policy that every single person can win the election if they got 270 electoral votes and he got more than that.  
  
thejakartapost
hai edho  
I have some advice  
hope it helps  
  
... government and all of the people in Indonesia,...  
  
... ready to continue of the mutual diplomatic ...  
... and welfare throughout the world.  
  
He won the United States election by 273 ...  
He got 273 electoral votes, whereas his rival Hillary Clinton only had 218 electoral votes. It is true that Donald Trump won the election in the USA.  
  
~~Donald J. Trump won the election because the United States has a policy ...~~I think it is unnecessary to mention this sentence since readers get the point from the previous sentence  
  
thanks
Hello,  
I will give you some my correction, hope this help you  
  
President of Indonesia, Joko ~~"Jokowi"~~ Widodo, congratulated the (...) Donald J. Trump, on Wednesday a few ...  
  
you can reconstruct the paragraph with from common to specific information, so this paragraph can change in the second paragraph in here.  
  
~~Donald J. Trump won the election because the United States ...~~"I think this information not important to inform in this paragraph, maybe you make change it with information about place of the Donald Trump's winning" .  
  
maybe you can change your statement in  
He ~~said that~~ as the name of (...) in Indonesia, said that he congratulated to ...
**Ted - Kio Stark: Why you should talk to strangers**  
  
To begin, she told about her experience when talking to strangers, which she recorded in video to identify that event. She taught that our senses towards best intentions which include liberation and intimacy should be accessed rather than fears. Those things should be followed with rules which were civility and privacy, which differ in every continent of the world. Overall, this talking to stranger would be good to have narrating experience with others, while unexpected connection could be built up at the same time which should be learnt and copied by our young children to create change in society.
To begin, she told about her experience when talking to strangers, which she recorded in video to identify that event. She taught that our senses towards best intentions which include liberation and intimacy should be accessed rather than fears. Those things should be followed with rules which were civility and privacy, which differ in every continent of the world. Overall, this talking to stranger would be good to have narrating experience with others, while unexpected connection could be built up at the same time which should be learnt and copied by our young children to create change in society.
Halla started her speech by presenting Iceland as the best place for women to live. She brought her audiences to look at the history where the first woman president governed her nation. She stated that by the president all of children who grow at that time get inspired including herself. Within years, she then becomes a candidate of four, the only one female candidate, to be a president in Iceland, so role model is the crucial thing to be owned. Next, she witnessed a day that a newspaper reported the changes percentages of each candidates, she cannot find her pictures on the news as her point is too low. Hence she decided to work harder and came to a mind that media, muscle and money take part on this election.  
  
Halla then remark some points that lead her placing the second level of the percentage. The first is work hard followed by listening to your own voice and intuition. The next is team you take along, and time investment as well as attention. Hence, when women have a great desire to reach something, they absolutely will gain it since those points are paid much attention.
Hi let me give some advice for you, perhaps useful for you.  
1.the only ~~one~~ female candidate---> useless word, repetitive  
2. so role model is the crucial thing to be owned.----> better if you make clear statement. explain about what "thing" what you means. For illustrate, so role model is the crucial problem to be owned.  
  
3. excellent when you put some conjunction word such Next, but the flow of your essay not smoothly.  
4.each ~~candidates~~ ---> each follow by singular
Matthew Childs is a professional climber, has been climbing two dozens of years. Based on his experience, he reveals there are 9 values which could be implemented in our life. 1) Fear is a mistake. People who travel on the mountain are required to ensure every single step they pass is completed and help them to reach the finish line. If we are afraid or doubt to take a step, it means finished, we will fall into the ravine and disappear. Focusing on your little step will help you to attain your goal and target. 2) Design your comfortable place to take a nap. It cannot be disputed that life is unfair. Most people become disappointed and hopeless, they are not ready to confront difficulties and be ready in their delicate situation. Therefore, the ability to find the positive side of your life is an essential skill which should be developed. Its aim is to have a positive mind in every condition
hello lincoln  
I have some suggestions for you  
hope it works  
  
**1. I think you should put the source in the end of this summary  
2. I prefer to choose words than number for opening sentences  
3. If the number below twenty, you can put it into a word**  
  
... a professional climber, he has been climbing two dozens rocks of years.  
  
... he reveals there are ~~9~~nine values which ...  
  
~~1)~~firstly , Fear is a mistake.  
... to take a step, ~~it means finished,~~ we will fall into ...  
  
Focusing on your little steps , it will be help you to attain your goal ~~and target~~ .  
  
~~2)~~Secondly , design your ...  
  
Most people becomeS disappointed and hopeless,(...) confront with**<<< collocation**  
the difficulties and be ready in their ~~delicate~~harsh situation.  
~~Its~~it is aim is to have a ...  
  
thanks
hi lincoln here is my notes for your summary  
  
>>use conjunction between sentence to help reader easy to understand what you have written.  
  
..., he reveal~~s~~ED there are 9 values ...  
~~1)~~Firstly,(try to put a word than number) Fear is a mistake.  
  
~~2)~~Secondly , Design your ...  
... life is unfair ~~.~~since Most people (...) hopeless~~,~~and they are not ready ...  
Meanwhile, Its aim is to have a ...
... professional climber WHO has been climbing ...  
... he reveals THAT there are 9 values...  
1) Fear is a mistake. (...) on the mountain ~~are required to ensure every (...) completed and help [HELP REFERS TO? WHO HELP THEM?~~ them to reach ...  
... it means finish~~ed~~ , we will fall into ...  
2)**[NEED TO LEARN ABOUT HOW TO ARRANGE MANYIDEAS WITH REGARD TO ITS COHERENCE, SO DO NOT PUT NUMBERS HERE. INDEED YOU SHOULD USE COHESIVE DEVICE/TRANSITION]** Design your comfortable ...  
  
*It cannot be disputed that life is unfair. Most people ...***[NEED TO EXPLAIN WHAT THE CORRELATION OF THIS WITH 'TAKING A NAP']**Therefore, the ability to ...  
  
**UNCLEAR POSITION OF THE WRITER, THE FIRST VIEW OR THE THIRD?**
A breakdown of the information about the comparison between two kinds of new music sites visitor in a fifteen-day period measured in thousand is illustrated in the line graph. Overall, it can be seen that both figures has similar upward trend. Also, the pop parade music are more popular than the music choice.  
  
To begin, initially, the number of people visiting the music choice and the pop parade sites start at approximately 40 and 120 thousands respectively. In the next following day, the former experiences a significant incline and is followed by a stable fluctuation. Meanwhile, the latter shows a gradual decline in the total of visitors of the music sites by 80,000s in the ninth day.  
  
A part from previous comparison, the remarkable changes can be seen in the twelfth and thirteenth day when the number of music choice site visitors overtakes the other. However, the number of people visiting the pop parade site reaches a peak at over 160,000s. Eventually, In any case the music choice site visitor is directly below the highest by more or less 80,000s.  
  
*
**Hi nurul.  
Here are my corrections for your writing. Please, find my notes.**  
  
Overall, it can be seen that both figures has similar upward trend  
Are you sure that those are similar? Be careful of picking up the trends in overview because there is one of essential secores. I am gonna offer the alternative overview.  
  
*Overall, it is important to note that visitors on the website prefer to access the site providing a genre of pop parade to music choice. Turning to a number of visitors for two sites, the beginning and last period show the same gap virtually.*  
  
Also  
*This is not a transitive word. Please, you order the proper transitive words to create good flow in your writing.*  
  
To begin, initially, the number of people (...) start at approximately 40 and 120 thousands respectively.  
present comparisons in your writing like this.  
INITIALLY, THE NUMBER OF VISITS FOR THE MUSIC CHOICE STATES AT 40,000s, WHILE THE SITE OF POP PARADE SUCCESSFULLY ATTRACT FOUR TIMES AS MUCH VISITORS.  
  
In the next following day  
IN THE NEXT FOLLOWING DAYS. Determining the time also is important because it becomes reference to read your descripsion.  
  
the number of people visiting the pop parade  
*You have to distinguish between the number people and visits because a person can access the website more times. It is better if you mention visits*
Jim Hemerling, organizational change expert, explained us regarding how we deal with transformational organization in advanced era. He said it was an absolutely necessary to alter an organization. Putting people was absolutely the vital way to contend with it. It meant to make workers more highly motivated. Subsequently, he explained that to go all in. The reason was perfectly plain that people should know what exactly happened in their condition. The third was enabling people with capabilities that they needed to take care of such a transformation in this day and age. He made it quite plain that the workers will feel energetic and powerful to run the company. Afterwards, a culture of continuous learning was also crucial since it helped company to compete against the rival. Eventually, he clearly mentioned that leader should have a vision and a map milestone for the journey since it was easily to know how far they drive the company and how to achieve the goals.
Kelli Jean Drinkwater, a TED Speaker, said people who refuse to believe that living in the fat bodies is a barrier to anything. She learned from her experience that fat bodies are inherently political, and unapologetic fat bodies can blow people's minds. Nevertheless She did count of how many times people of all sizes have told her that the show has changed their lives, how it helped them shift their relationship to their own and other people's bodies, and how it made them confront their own bias. She mentioned that she received violent death threats and abuse for daring to make work that centers fat people's bodies and lives and treats us as worthwhile human beings with valuable stories to tell.  
  
sources: ted.com/talks/kelli\_jean\_drinkwater\_enough\_with\_the\_fear\_of\_fat
Suzanne Barakat shared her sad experience about the three of her family members were gruesomely murdered in a hate crime; her brother Deah, his wife Yusor, and her sister Razan. Even though the murder was directly turned to the police after he committed the crime, the reason uttered by him does not make sense as he stated that he killed three kids over a parking dispute. However, the investigation reveals that there is parking dispute as the killer was murdered them in their own home where it should be the safest place for them.  
  
Suzanne was falling into a deep sadness not only because of her loss, but also because of the distorted news broadcasted by the media. For this reason, she challenge herself to speak up against the hate crime felt by all of the people who come from different race, religion, and gender while for her, islamophobia. At the end, she asked the audiences to join her in standing up against hate as even the single support gave by them to the their muslim friends or neighbors will make a difference.  
  
Source : ted.com/talks/suzanne\_barakat\_islamophobia\_killed\_my\_brother\_let\_s\_end\_the\_hate#t-289647
Recently, the plastic pollution fouls oceans across the globe. There are more than 5 trillion pieces of plastic swirling in the sea and make the fish poisoned dead. The marine creatures sometimes mistake garbage for their natural food. Plastic resembles a drifting jellyfish to marine creatures. Some seabirds are attracted to a particular stinky sulphur compound since they seek out krill to eat. Savoca and his colleagues wondered if small plastic left in the ocean, it might become covered with sulphur that are produced by algae. He proved it when he put some plastic and left them until three weeks. The result is the plastics are covered with sulphur compound let them has the same scent as the krill. This lead seabirds which seek out the food using their smelling skill to eat trash instead of krill.  
  
Source : newscientist.com/article/2112231-the-sweet-scent-of-plastic-lures-seabirds-to-a-dangerous-snack/
**Hi Nurul.  
these are my thoughts towards your summary**  
  
THIS IS A SUMMARY EXTRACTED FROM AN ARTICLE ON NEWSCIENTIST'S WEBSITE*(You should provided the introduction sentence before you reviewed contents in the article)* .  
  
... swirling in the sea and ~~make~~ CAUSE ~~the~~ fishES poisoned ~~dead~~ DEATH. ~~The~~ marine creatures ...  
THE Plastic resembles a drifting jellyfish to THE marine creatures.  
Savoca*(Who is this.? You should explain her.)* and his colleagues (...) left in the ocean~~,~~.*(make you sure that there needs a comma or period)* it might become covered with sulphur ~~that are~~*(you should omit this)* produced by algae.  
  
... he put some plasticS and left them ...  
... compound let them ~~has~~ HAVE the same ...  
... seek out the food ~~using~~ HARNESS their smelling skill ...
**University should accept equal numbers of males and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
For a person to be intellectually capable, university education satiates his/her desire. The university should not discriminate people based on gender, religion, culture and so on. The question here arises that should there be equal number of man and woman students in every subjects the university have. In my opinion, such type of obligation is irrelevant in any of the university because of the following reasons.  
  
Firstly, the university mightn't' have any kind of records that how many students, male and female, are going to study in any particular field. Even if they know the number of students either through the application form or by any means, it is ridiculous to admit equal number of students in any field because sometimes there might be more girl's application and some other times there might be more boy's application. Ultimately, it hampers the overall system of the university and rights of the student to choose the field of course they want to study.  
  
Secondly, there are some field where there are only girls such as in nursing, air hostess and so on. In such kind of field, there will be no man and what if the university wants equal number of man and woman in such field. Won't the program go fail. Of course, the university can not run its program.  
  
In sum, though it is nice to think about the gender equality in every subject the university have, such thing can never happen in any university because the process of choosing the field is dynamic in nature. The applicants in any field changes over time. Hence the university can not make same number of male and female students in every subject it provides.
Utsav, your opinion and defense within the essay is sound. It is logical and acceptable. However, your opening statement is not really aligned with the original prompt requirement. There as nothing in the prompt that indicated the reason for equal enrollee acceptance in college had anything to do with gender, religion, culture, etc. Therefore, you should not have indicated that in your overview summary. The introduction should only present a restatement of the prompt facts. You should not be making up any information to add to the summary. That addition of non-existent information could have an impact on the scoring for your essay in an actual test. Remember to just always stick to the facts as indicated in the essay. You may present additional information, not in the prompt, only within the presentation of your personal opinion.
Hello festivo I will give you my correction.  
  
... equal numbers of male~~s~~ and female students ...  
  
your writing is good, In my opinion, I disagree if male and female in university must equal. Because as we know male and female are different, male was born to became leader of female. Male must be protect female from threat, Otherwise women must respect man. Male has an obligation to find money for his family, female must love and protect her children.  
  
thankyou
Hello festivo, here is my correction for your essay  
  
>>you write very clearly but it is showed you wrote additional issues (religion and culture) which is not related to the question  
  
it is undeniable that make a balance quantities of man and women in every school subject . ~~For a person to be intellectually capable, university ...~~  
The ~~university~~third level of education should not discriminate people based on their gender ~~, religion, culture and so on~~ ......  
~~The question here arises that should there be equal number of man and woman ...~~(you rewrite the question here, the question should be paraphrase in the beginning of introduction )  
  
In my opinion, ~~such~~the type of obligation is (...) of the following reasons. ( please write the following reasons that you mention)  
  
Firstly, the university ~~mightn't'~~might not have any kind ...  
  
keep writing, do not hesitate to correct mine too :)