dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Ha, even when you are given a limited word count, you are still expected to write your essay response in proper paragraph form. With 180 words, you could have written at least 2 paragraphs, properly formatted for your response. The paragraph format not only makes your essay easier to read and consider, but it also allows you to properly defend your reasons by presenting appropriate supporting information. Your essay failed to accomplish that because all you did was mention reasons with weak or undeveloped supporting sentences. Aside from that problem, you also did not properly restate the prompt and degree of your agreement with the statement based upon the given instructions. As such, your essay cannot be given a passing score. You did not properly utilize the topic discussion in order to prove your English skills based upon the given scoring criteria.
Ha, I am afraid that aside the fact that you did not do a proper paraphrase of the prompt, your sentence construction and grammar is very poor. From my review of your post, I can point out that the errors in your current post are not just because of typos, but due to the fact that you seemingly lack good foundation of English grammar. I would recommend that you engage in more studies with respect to understanding the use of English Language. This you can achieve by availing yourself necessary materials and articles that would suffice for this purpose. In addition,for a starter, you must learn that in order to hit the examiner's expectation in your response to this kind of essay, you must first paraphrase the topic question of the essay, then create a thesis statement of what you intend to discuss (in this case it should either agree or dis agree with the statement in the prompt). This will form the introductory part of your essay. In the next 2 - 3 paragraphs, you are expected to discuss in details the main ideas in your thesis statement after which you conclude the write-up.
@LadyOfClockwork  
Thank you so much  
  
@Holt  
thanks a lot for your correction .  
However, this writing only requires to write a paragraph , not a complete essay . It's the reason why I didn't divide my writing into small paragraph  
  
@okorobiadimma14  
From my bottom of heart, I want to give you my thank-you.  
And can you point out my mistakes in English grammar ?  
I want to find out them to correct and improve . Thanks again :)
Ha, unfortunately I am not able to point out all your errors in English grammar. This is because on the one hand, it is impossible to know them all while on the other hand, even if I decide to use your current post as term of reference, it still would not suffice in achieving your desired outcome. However, I will correct an excerpt from your post just to create a stepping stone for you.  
  
"The more developing the world is, the more..."  
"The more developed the world becomes, the more crimes increase. Majority of ['a lot of' or 'many' or ' a number of' would have been the best adjectival phrase here] people view..."  
  
"As far as I'm concerned, I uphold mentioned..."  
"As far as I am concerned, I uphold the aforementioned opinion ( school of thought)."  
Each time running into an aggressive scenery ..."  
"Most times, watching aggressive scenes on TV or engaging in battle games boosts people's ability to embrace violence as well as commit various incriminating offenses such as murder."  
  
Notice how I tried to reconstruct the expressions from your post so as to embellish them and they made more sense than the initial versions. I am not trying to tip you to do exactly what I did, but you can work harder to improve your writing skills by learning the use of English Language.
*Thanks for taking the time to read this! If you pleased, show me every mistake you find =)) I'll be very grateful for any help you guys can give me with this :3*  
  
**Topic: Most governments use public funds to try to protect their architectural heritage in some way.  
Is this a good use of public money in your view?  
Which kind of old buildings should be preserved and how should they be used?  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.**  
  
## preserving architectural heritage

  
  
(1) In many countries in the world, public money is mostly used for preserving architectural heritage in different ways. (2) In my opinion, these funds are being spent effectively by this way. (3) Old buildings such as historical buildings should be protected and turned into wonderful places for learning and visiting so that we can gain appropriate benefits from them.  
  
(4) Personally speaking, using public funds for architectural heritage preservation is accurate as the society can take numerous advantages from this. (5) First of all, these historical buildings, palaces, shrines,... are striking proofs for past lives and buildings. (6) For example, before cameras were invented, there is no way to show how a life of a king was during his age. (7) However, with his castle and exhibits, researchers can build up assumptions. (8) The second considerable benefit of preserving architectural heritage is for tourism. (9) In my country, every year, Hue welcomes thousands of visitors to its ancient capital, which contributes greatly to the province's income.  
  
(10) Among distinct types of old buildings, I suggest preserving historical one as a studying and attraction spot. (11) This is because, along with tourism purpose, old houses and palaces surviving throughout time, witnessing the country's important events are huge material for both students and researchers. (12) Schools can use them for practical history lessons, which help children to learn more effectively.  
  
(13) To sum up, spending public money for protecting architectural heritages is a brilliant choice of most governments in the world. (14) Besides, I think we should concern more about preserving historical buildings, turn them into visiting and learning areas in order to get the best out of them.
Tran, it is a good practice in this kind of essay to write in paragraphs only, and not both bullet points and paragraphs. Please do well to remove all the numbering in your current post. Your paraphrase of the prompt is proper except that the last sentence in the first paragraph should read as a thesis statement. That way, you can fully start discussing the points highlighted therein in details in the next paragraphs. It is also important to note that each of the questions asked in the prompt should be discussed in a separate paragraph and each paragraph should begin with a topic sentence. You have a lot of well thought out points but they are not neatly organised in the essay. Perhaps the numbering may have been the cause of the incoherence. I must commend your level of sentence construction, although you still need to work on your ability to use transition words to enhance coherence and cohesion in your write-up.
***Hi Tran Le**, these my thoughts review your essay. Please, meet my notes for finalizing this.  
Firstly, your introductory paragraph is good because you successfully paraphrased the statement weel. Following this, you could show your position or opinions about the issue. The thesis statement which you presented could cover what you would in the body paragraph. However, you have needed improvement in the flow of your essay. You should harness transition words for making your move smoother. Admittedly, that is very difficult, but you can achieve the higher score if you can deal with it.  
  
For your body paragraph, you could explain your idea systematically. You could display the strong reason including examples from your personal experiences. However, the second explanation in the second body has lacked the clear illustration. I meant that the twelveth sentence has needed exploration. You had to strengthen that.  
  
In your conclusion, you could add a suggestion for completing this paragraph. However, you successfully paraphrase your thesis statement so that you could present the conclusion related to the aforementioned explanation.  
  
Overall, this essay is a good job. I believe you can enhance the quality of your essay on condition that you wanna practice more and more.  
  
GOOD LUCK*
**Some people say that it is possible for a country to be both economically successful and have a clean environment. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
## environmental regulations and economy

  
  
The 21st century is characterized by a burgeoning development of the global economy. Conscious of this propensity, sustainable development has been a topic of concern in the most contentious debates. While some people believe that the desire to develop an economy without any adverse effects on the environment is unfeasible, I believe it is achievable.  
  
On the one hand, the economic growth will incontrovertibly exert a deleterious effect on the environment. To make way for the erection of factories and companies, deforestation will come at the expanse. Consequently, the world will encounter soil erosion, global warming and ecological imbalance, resulting in the loss of natural habitats of exotic species. Furthermore, it is an unpalatable fact that the establishment of multinational corporate behemoths has a serious repercussion on the environment. Specifically, these organizations discharge a great deal of pollutants into the atmosphere and utilise a multitude of resources during manufacturing activities, engendering an increase in carbon dioxide emissions and the depletion of natural resources.  
  
On the other hand, boosting the economy will pose no threats to the environment if we take control of economic activities. Many companies are oblivious to the necessity of cutting down emissions released from industrial operation. Only when a cooperation is aware of using renewable energy such as solar power and wind power can it cover the escalating need of energy and reduce carbon footprints. Furthermore, we can invest money into the upgradation of waste treatment system to extenuate the amount of contamination released into the environment. This system enables people to classify and recycle non-biodegradable materials such as plastic and nylon.  
  
In conclusion, although interwining economic growth with environmental protection seems to be a challenging task, an economy can reap auspicious results and achieve its sustainablity by adhering to environmental regulations and adopt aforementioned environmentally friendly policies during its manufacturing process.  
  
(305 words)  
Written by: Tam Bui  
Thanks.
Tam Bui, While I commend your level of vocabulary, I am afraid the number of words have written is way too high fro a typical exam condition which made me to wonder if you actually timed yourself during your practice and if not, you just have to involving timing. Another, important observation I made is that your introductory paragraph did not come out as well as the rest of the essay. This is because you failed to paraphrase the prompt and introduce thesis statement of your essay. The very first sentence in this kind of essay is one that puts the topic question in the writer's own words which show's that the writer understands the requirement of the prompt.The next in that line is to introduce the idea to be discussed as a thesis statement. Thus, the last sentence in the 1st paragraph should come first in the essay. Also, be very careful with the usage of new words as most time they tend to impede fluidity of your write-up. The examiner only want to test your writing skills with regard to basic rules of English grammar, lexis and structure; it is not a medium to showcased mastery of new words that do not collocate with the context of their usage. Practice the art of starting a paragraph with a topic sentence and then developing the idea therein in the next series of sentences. That way, your write-up will attain the required coherence and cohesion. Meanwhile, apart from the aforementioned inconsistencies, you have a good essay here.
*Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Face-to-face communication is better than other types of communication, such as letters, email, or telephone calls. Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.*  
  
## benefits of direct communication

  
  
The functions of different types of communication vary to specific extent. There is no absolutely perfect, but it is possible that the face-to-face conversation is more dominant than letters, email, or telephone calls in terms of privacy, the quality of the talk and the accuracy of the information. The following paragraphs will analyze the advantages of face-to-face over the others method of communications with relevant examples.  
  
Firstly, face-to-face conversation allows speakers to keep highly confidential information within them. The participants can easily nominate a secret location for the conversation and the preferred candidates for the important talks. In addition, the implied issues which are discussed amid the relevant parties are immediately solved or suggested further details of steps to solutions. For example, the important meetings between high senior officers are often organized in the direct conversation in order to achieve the best outcome and productivity instead of being discussed over phones or emails.  
  
Secondly, the quality and accuracy of information are instantly confirmed within the conversation. With face-to-face talk, many aspects of the issues are brought to debate at the same time with continuously responses from opposite opinions. Therefore, any issues are expressly concerned and given a better solution than if they are negotiated over emails with long delayed gaps of waiting for replying periods. In regarding to the accuracy, the communication also considers any emotions of the speakers that might affect to the information given for discussing, then gives possible solutions to deplete these negative impacts.  
  
In conclusion, this essay has discussed about the dominant benefits of face-to-face communication that including the enhanced confidentiality, quality and accuracy of the information. Therefore, I believe that the direct talk is better than the others to these extents.
Tav, this essay is near perfect to the best of my assessment. The fact that you engaged the use of topic sentences to introduce the ideas in the paragraphs created the required coherence and cohesiveness in the write-up. Although there are few instances of wrong choice of words, they are not significant to the extent of hampering the fluidity of your current draft. My only advice is that you should ensure that you always paraphrase the prompt before introducing the thesis statement of the write-up. The paraphrase will show that you have a clear understanding of the topic question and also pave way for proper introduction of the thesis statement. Having said that, I think you have done your best in answering the prompt in way that a reviewer would be impressed.
**Some people say it is OK to use animals for our benefit, others say it is not good to exploit them. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.**  
  
## treating animals with respect

  
  
Some people think that using animals to serve our needs is understandable. However, other people believe that exploiting them is dreadful. In my opinion, using animals to enhance our society is acceptable but not for our greed.  
  
On the one hand, it is commonly believed that this is the nature of life that the strongest dominate the weak. In other words, the human is dominating the world, thanks to our knowledge and technology. So, we are on top of the food chain and more importantly, we cannot improve our current medical treatment without an animal gone through a successful trial first. In fact, for most of our discovery of science, we used animals to experiment before it goes onto clinical treatment for the human.  
  
On the other hand, some people consider that all species are equal, regardless they are different forms or have different abilities. Because of we, human are animals too. Also, exploiting other species can lead to distinction. In particular, elephants in Africa has massively decreased over years due to human inappropriate  
  
practice and it is only one of many cases happening across the world, therefore, it will have an enormous negative impact on the environment.  
  
Finally, in my view, it is impossible for human not using animals to benefit ourselves, but we can come up with some solutions to prevent over-exploitation. For example, people over hunted tigers and pandas just for decoration which is unacceptable and the government can interfere regarding these matters.  
  
In conclusion, many people having different views, I believe that it is accepted to use animals to help improve our life but it should be handling in a good manner, and the government should regulate the greed from exploitation.  
  
Word: 284  
  
Thank you!
CJ, while you did represent the original prompt properly in the opening statement, the rest of the essay did not come out as smooth and well thought out. Your paragraphs need to be connected using transition sentences within the paragraphs itself in order to provide continuity in the discussion. If you read your second paragraph, you started out by discussing the fact that humans are at the top of the food chain, then, without prior notice, you state some information regarding medical science. That will tend to confuse the reader. This is a severe error in the coherence and cohesiveness portion of scoring, The problem with your paragraph development throughout the essay has prevented you from properly presenting grammar and sentence structures in the proper manner as well. This essay will definitely suffer score wise because of these errors. It is quite possible that this essay would not pass an actual test. Keep your discussion down to only one factual presentation per paragraph in order to avoid the confusing sentence and thought development presentation throughout your work.
SG, your essay would have turn out better than it is now had you learnt how to write a topic sentence for each paragraph. A topic sentence is the first sentence contained in a particular paragraph which introduces the idea that would be developed within the next series of sentences in that same paragraph. It helps you to write with direction and enhances coherence and cohesiveness as pointed out already. For instance, the topic sentence in your second paragraph could read as " On the one hand, animals are integral components of numerous research methodologies in Medical and Life Sciences." This is an example of a topic sentence. To continue in such paragraph, the writer will now tell the reader how animals are part of the methodology, their role and why they are used by humans in such adventure instead of using fellow human. The next paragraph which normally would start with "On the other hand" will begin with another topic sentence that will discuss the over exploitation of animals by human. Talk about how human do that, why they do so, and if possible, the adverse effect of the action. Then express your own opinion in another paragraph and then conclude the essay. If you imbibe this advice in your next practices, I think you should come up with a more outstanding essay. Right now, I think your sentence construction is commendable, but you have to work harder to improve your writing skills with more vocabulary and also learn how to connect ideas and paragraphs with transition words or phrases and transition sentences respectively.
Hi. I think your essay is very well done. It has a great structure that makes it easy to read. I could understand where you're going with the essay from the start. There's also brief explanation about computer usage nowadays. You also touched the advantages of computer before going to the disadvantage, which provide balance. Then there's the conclusion at the end. I learn a lot from your essay. Thank you.  
  
If I may suggest something, I'd like to address the opening sentence of the first paragraph.  
  
When I first read it I thought "how is managing time and health connected to computer?". Maybe it's better to use "managing the duration of computer usage" or something like that.  
  
It's not that much of a problem since the second sentence immediately gives an explanation, but it might be better to make things clear from the start.
Kristi, there are several problems with the essay that you are presenting. The most glaring problem is that this is not a persuasive essay but rather a one sided discussion that discusses your point of view alone. A persuasive essay is best presented by bringing to fore a balanced discussion that presents the good and bad effects of regular computer use. A persuasive essay is only persuasive if it presents a logical thesis statement at the start which signifies that you will be using this essay to present information that will convince the reader that your side if the correct side. Consider it a written debate. Both sides has to be discussed, with a specific concentration on refuting the other side, in order to create a winning and persuasive essay.  
  
Along with that problem is the problem regarding the sources of the information that you present to support your discussion. As a written essay, you cannot just present facts and figures with giving proper in-text citations that inform the reader of the original source of the information. Due to the wrong source formatting in your essay, it appears that the information you are presenting is plagiarized. Without proper source referencing, your information is misrepresented as your primary information rather than being researched information coming from other sources. Improper citation formatting can result in a failed research paper or persuasive essay.  
  
Based upon the two biggest problems of your essay, it would be in your best interest to revise the content of your persuasive paper. It would be even better if you just write a totally new essay, in the proper form instead. That will result in a better written and more persuasive essay.
**The best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Discuss?**  
  
## raising recreational complexes to improve public health

  
  
It is believed that the optimal method of making the public healthier is to raise sports amenities. In this essay, I am going to argue that such practice is futile and education is a superior way to enhance the health of the masses.  
  
It is understandable why some advocate the idea of boosting recreational facilities to improve public health. Their main rationale for this is that by granting the masses access to these facilities, they are expected to do exercise more frequently, which helps them become healthier. However, such reasoning is flawed. Because increasing the number of sport amenities does not guarantee the improvement of public health. When people are unaware of their poor state of health, they will easily lose their own incentives to exercise constantly. My brother perfectly exemplifies this situation. He quit briefly after a few months signing up for a membership card at the local gym because he could not manage to maintain his motivation.  
  
Instead of the aforementioned approach, I am of the opinion that education is a preferable option. This can be attributed to the fact that a better state of health definitely stems from the higher consciousness of health. Therefore, governments should perpetuate campaigns to raise the awareness of the general public about the significance of health. For example, my friend was successful to shred nearly 20 kilograms after he realized how overweight he was by going to the gym more often. Not only was he able to gain a lean body, he also became a model for other to take up the habit of exercising routinely and eating healthier. If this happened in a larger scale, the result would be much more dramatic and the public health would be upgraded significantly.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that raising recreational complexes would produce meager results and education is a better alternative in order to improve public health.