dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
(I am practicing for the IELTS exams, hope that I can receive your opinions or even the band score)  
  
## IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - BAR GRAPH

  
  
The given bar chart illustrates the percentage of profits made from movies in seven different genres over the course of 10 years.  
  
Overall, it is clear that drama and comedy were the two most profitable genres. The opposite was true for musicals and animation. Also noticeable was that in 1995, the amount of money earned from drama was the largest.  
  
Drama, comedy, adventure and action were much more profitable than the others. In 1995, there was a figure of 28% for drama, which gradually increased to 16% in 2005. The same pattern was seen in action movies, which started at 16% and ended at 14% in 2005. Whereas, comedy and adventure saw increases in their figures, which were 24% and 27% in 2005 respectively.  
  
Regarding thriller and musicals, these two genres witnessed the same pattern in three given years. Their profits went down by about 2,5%. Meanwhile, an upward trend was seen in animation movies, from 3% in 1995 to 8% in 2005.  
  
*
over the course of 10 years.  
Be precise in the summary overview. Youmust include the specific years as provided. If it is mentioned in the image overview. you must include it in the summary.  
  
You are required to give a trending sentence, not a trending paragraph.Pick a trend and present it asa lending sentence at the end of the summary overview. Use the rest as comparison paragraph information.  
  
You only need 3 paragraphs in this essay rather than 4. By using 4 paragraphs, you are not presenting summarized comparison and discussion points. This error in presentation was caused by the unnecessary inclusion of the trending paragraph. 4 paragraphs are normally used when 2 images are provided.  
  
\* Limited review provided. Contact me privately for a scoring review.
## Children's centres for early childhood development

  
  
In this day and age, childcare is becoming a more and more noticeable concern in life. Some believe that household members as parents and grandparents are the optimal choice for caring for kids while others consider that school is always a better way. In this essay, both views will be discussed before my perspective opinion is given.  
  
To commence with, there is a persuasive rationale as to why various people consider family members as the best childcarers. It is believed that relatives are the most trustworthy. Given that they are the nearest and dearest people to the children, they will bond and sympathize with the kids most. Similarly, family members bring the feeling of safety in light of the fact that they usually protect them from dangerous risks and give them unconditional love. Nevertheless, it may not be a favorable environment for babies all the time. For example, grandparents are argued to be occupied with the housework and not place significant emphasis on children. Thus, children will be given some technology devices to entertain and save time for their relatives.  
  
In my opinion, I strongly advocate the view that children's centers are still a better way for educating kids. First of all, carers in the centers are trained before officially working with babies so it is also a harmless place for them to grow up and learn. All the teachers in centers know how to deal with children's problems and education thus, there are fewer risks for kids and they can be comprehensively improved. Additionally, the infrastructure in school is much more top-notch and suitable than at home. For instance, kids can have playgrounds, slides, swimming pools,... to develop their physical health and become more active. Last but not least, a plethora of opportunities for children is given to make friends and have best friends in school. They can join numerous activities together developing their friendship and communication skills.  
  
To sum up, nurturing children is a hard work that needs a combination of both school and parents. In order to have a fully development for kids, they should all take precedence over them which is a precursor for children's future. Therefore, they are not only be safe but also be happy and healthy.
In this essay, both views will be discussed before my perspective opinion is given.  
For clarity purposes,it will be alright for you toprovide a supporting opinion for 1 of the 2 public opinions. That will help clearly represent the 3 required discussion points.  
  
This essay focuses on your personal understanding of the topic throughout. This led to an incomplete discussion analysis ofthe public opinions prior to your own. As a beginner, use the 3 paragraph format for this promptfor C and C purposes. The format is:  
  
Paragraph 2: 1st public opinion explanation using non-gendered pronouns  
Paragraph 3: 2nd public opinion reason, again using non-gender specific or 3rd person pronouns.  
Paragraph 4: Personal opinion using 1st person pronouns.  
  
Use personal knowledge or experience to explain or discuss the public opinions. Use your personal observations or reasons to expand on your personal belief.Use the correct format and discussion presentation for a better scoring consideration. Avoid discussing both public viewpoints in a single paragraph for better presentation development.
***Individuals can do nothing to improve the environment; only governments and large companies can make a difference.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
There have been contentious views on who should be liable for making improvements for the environment, with some people claiming that it is the responsibility of every individual while others reckon that only governments and large organizations are capable of making changes. I believe both sides are of equal importance in the abatement of pollution, with the latter so far have gained substantial achievements.  
  
It is discernible that the government has contributed a lot into the sustainability of the natural environment. To illustrate, due to several incidents of sewage and untreated waste being dumped directly into the sea, the Vietnamese government has now brought in stricter regulations in order to control the waste treatment process as well as the disposal of garbage and sewage. In addition, behemoths like Vingroup have also made various efforts to offset the carbon footprint, namely the inventions of electric vehicles like Feliz or Ludo which produce no exhaust fumes.  
  
With that being said, governments and large companies should not be held accountable for the betterment of the natural environment. It is believed that humans have subconsciously increased transboundary pollution by many means, such as the excessive use of private vehicles or the incorrect use of natural resources. Thus, in order to tackle such pressing issues, such habits must be given up so that the damaging effect on the environment would be minimized to its bare minimum.  
  
To conclude, the responsibility of developing the environment should not be allocated to only authorities and enterprises but also to every citizen of the world, who are gradually damaging its sustainability in the long term.
I believe both sides are of equal importance  
That is not a response to the question. " To what extent" indicates a single response choice '. You failed to respond in the expected format. Additionally,C your response can alsobe considered unrelated to the task. That is because you altered the discussion topicand response format requirement. In most cases, there enors would ensure an automatic failing score.  
  
The failing score for this essay may also be based on a comparison discussion presentation in place of the reasoning topic measured response paragraphs.. Basically, this presentation fails to meet scoring requirements due to the writer's misunderstanding or lack of understanding of the discussion topic and reasoning presentation requirements.
## Allowing advertisements on school's building to earn money is a good idea or not?

  
  
Some people reckon that it's necessary for some education units to accept advertisements in their buildings due to lack of money while others cling to the idea that these advertisements have bad effects on school's image. In my opinion, it consists of both positive and negative side for the following reasons,  
  
On one hand, allowing other enterprises to advertise in the school campus is an effective way to gain money especially in the case this premise has a tight budget. Education is a fundamental right of every human being and children deserve to receive the best education. Only does the school provide these privileges for children when they are in good financial health. Teaching quality is enhanced, which also leads to the improvement of student quality. As a result, the school can attract more students who will bring profits for them.  
  
On the other hand, having advertisements that are not related to the education area will have detrimental influences on the school's image. Visitors will wonder why the school accepts that when they are not familiar with the educational environment and rarely will they allow their child to come and study here. Moreover, it's not the only way for schools to earn money while there are tons of methods like finding investors, sponsors, or capital angles.  
  
In a nutshell, each education premise needs to consider the most suitable way to seek funds in order to equip children with better knowledge and skills.
You should present the 2 opposing ideas as separate sentences since they deal with unrelated topics. You also need to provide a single response to the question. Discuss it either as a good idea or not. You cannot pick both because you will fail the TA section due to an unclear opinion. A clear opinion is based on your support for only 1 side of the discussion. The defense is based on 2 reasons explained in 2 reasoning paragraphs. Needless to say, this this is an incorrect response and cannot recieve a passing score due to lack of prompt adherence and no clear opinion presented. Your conclusion is also less than 40 words or 2 sentences.
**Topic:**  
## In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people.

  
  
***Why might this be the case?  
Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?***  
  
My Essay:  
  
In today's society, many people from some nations believed that owning a house rather than renting one is crucial. In my opinion, whether it is positive or negative depends on various factors.  
  
To begin with, some people appreciate self-owned house because of stability and interest from property investment. Firstly, when people have a house by themself, they don't need to pay for rent monthly and be under pressure because of the landlord's bad attitude. Moreover, when finishing a rental contract for 6 or 12 months, the house renter may have to find alternative accommodation. However, transferring the accommodation regularly can lead to many negative effects on their current job, mental health, and budget. Secondly, nowadays, the property investment has attracted a large number of people. They can get higher money than the initial fund in the future. In addition, in some nations, especially ASEAN countries, people have a tendency to settle down and owning a house is a vital foundation. For example, Vietnamese will buy a house before thinking about marriage and job development.  
  
Although owning a house has a lot of benefits, there are some drawbacks. For some people, buying a property costs an arm and leg. This price can be out of their budget. Hence, they fund by taking out a loan from the bank and repay over a long time. Moreover, they have to pay the property taxes and insurance. On the other hand, the property value is not stable. For instance, in a global pandemic period like the last year, the house price increased sharply making many property investors go bankrupt.  
  
In conclusion, owning a home satisfies the desire for stability, traditional thinking, and seeing a return from investment, but despite these benefits, there are serious problems.  
  
My question: Please let me know the error on my essay and how many marks can I get on the IELTS scale. Thank you so much.
believed  
Incorrect. The thought is ongoing soit is a present action. The word should be "believe I instead.  
  
whether it is positive or negative depends on various factors.  
Pick one side. You just got a failed TA score because you do not have a definite - based on the choices provided. As this is a single opinion essay rather than a comparative discussion, and due to the lack of a clean opinion, this will be a failing essay presentation.  
  
You did not follow a single discussion as provided in the prompt. Had you at least provided a single opinion, you could have been partially scored on that basis. However, you would still have failed for not writing the minimum 250 words in support of your opinion.You ended up creating your own discussion target and responding to that instead of addressing the required facts from the original discussion guide. This is what led to the failed essay presentation.
## Big, privileged companies

  
  
Large businesses have bigger budgets for marketing and promotion and as a result, people gravitate towards buying their products.  
What problems does this cost?  
What could be done to encourage people to buy local product?  
  
It seems to be an increasing widespread concern that the large companies which have great budget tend to invest greater amount of money in marketing and promotion in order to increase the sale rates. From my point of view, the government and media companies are definitely responsible for this.  
  
In the past, people got to know what happened lately only by listening to radios and reading newspapers, which could be time-consuming and less efficient. This is no longer the case. Due to advanced communication technologies, people are now surrounded by all kinds of media, which makes consumers easier to get access to keep informed about the product immediately. Indeed, so as to be available on any online platform, the higher money one pay for, the more effectiveness in promoting one can get. As a result, unemployment struggles individuals are able to survive during challenging periods, especially in Covid-19 pandemic, due to the fact that small business cannot afford the cost as great as the big ones, leading to the decreasing numbers of goods produced massively.  
  
Another important factor contributing to this phenomenon is that the quality of goods will be degraded. This is because that the ultimate goal of companies now is to seek maximum profits. Commercial encourages people to purchase more, the manufacturers will be overloaded when producing extensively.  
  
In order to tackle this problem, the local authorities should give the top priority in assisting the locals with more chances in market place. They ought to enact laws to make every business have equal opportunities to introducing their products. More importantly, the locals should take steps to upgrade the quality of things they sell, along with reasonable price that public are capable of affording.  
  
In sum, there are several severe consequences of this trend which are too serious to be neglected whilst big companies' high expenditure on marketing. We should take effective actions, including the government and business, to cope with this modern-day problem.
From my point of view, the government and media companies are definitely responsible for this.  
The prompt is not asking if the goverment should bear a responsibilty for what happened. your TA score will fail because your response is umelated to the prompt. This error will limit the possibility of getting a passing score with this presentation.  
  
Your discussion paragraphs do not relate to the original prompt either. you have created a totally different discussion focus and as such, fail to meet the proper discussion requirements. so there is a great possibility that you will not recieve a passing score. You have shown evidence that you did not understand the prompt and just wrote a response for the sake of responding. You cannot be assessed properly for scoring in that instance. You won't geta score for just responding. It has to be a correct response. Do not create your own prompt to respond to. Use the provided discussion guidelines only.
***Task:***  
**## People living in large cities have to face many problems in everyday life.

  
*What are those problems?  
Should the government encourage people to move to regional towns?  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.***  
  
***Essay:***  
People in metropolises now suffer from numerous difficulties in daily life. In order to sustain people to deal with the problem, the government should have action such as moving people to another nearby town. This essay would outline several issues and give reasons for mentioned measure.  
  
Apparently, large cities having an immense proportion of population leads to the result that they have to compete to have a higher social rank if they don't want to be left behind in a such rapidly developing society. In addition, they tent to have financial problems because of the living cost being too expensive. Hardly an individual feels convienient without a personal vehicle so they might have to pay for automobiles' maintenance or any fees related to their means of transport. Another difficulty is the health effect. People are likely to have to raise awareness about their conditions, both physical and mental on account that they may undertake intensive woking hours.  
  
As a result, allocating the number of people is a beneficial method to reduce the problems which people are facing. To do it, the authorities' mission is that they should develop the smaller cities in the immediate vicinity which are also known as satellite cities. Constructing the system of traffic, amenities and other facilities is the foremost factor to attract people from initial metropolises. For instance, Ho Chi Minh City - a densely-populated city in the South Vietnam - now has a satellite town called Thu Duc which is a former district. It is promising that this new city can contribute enormously to the government's effort to alleviate the population problems.  
  
In brief, with the unfailingly changing society in big cities, people have to deal with more problems from almost every aspects. However, measures as moving the citizens to another town in the region would be ready to perform to aid people to solve the issues.
Respond using a thesis statement. Outline your discussion before you write the preliminary response. The following outline should help:  
  
Topic:  
PEOPLE LIVING IN LARGE CITIES HAVE TO FACE MANY PROBLEMS IN EVERYDAY LIFE.  
  
Problems:  
Problem 1 with reasons this is a problem.  
Problem 2 related to or an offshoot of problem on  
(Related problems for C and C scoring)  
  
Question : Should the government encourage people to move to regional towns?  
Response: Yes or no based on one reaso  
  
Count the number of paragraphs required based on the given writing instructions. You need 3 paragraphs in this case.  
  
Your essay format is insufficient and lacking in proper reasoning and response consideration as you failed to outline your response ideas first. You did not realize you did not meet the discussion requirements due to the improper outline or lack of it.
## fast foods, like drug, alcohol and tobacco?

  
  
This is my essay:  
  
Fast food is a type of popular foodstuff nowadays, especially in modern life. Like other foods, fast food depend largely on how they are used. There are some oppinions that we need to manage the fast food sector like drug, alcohol, tobacco sectors and some people are claiming negative agruments against it. In this essay both plus sides and downsides will be discussed.  
  
Drug, Alcohol and Tobacco are industries that are strictly arranged by authorities such as high taxes tightly control in circulation. If the fast food industry are regulated in the same way, then there are some advantages.  
  
Firstly, That restrics people from using fast food regularly, reducing the risk of diseases. Residents who use this kind of food a lot less might avoid the consequences of overconsumption like obesity, diabetics, etc.  
  
Secondly, it enhances human health in general. Individuals shoud find some alternative food supplies such as nutrious food, organic food, etc.This could increase lifeline of human and reduce pressure on medical industry and others.  
  
Finally, Taxes increase can improve state budget generally. The government impose a high taxes on fast food so businesses must pay a lot of taxes fee, which leads to an increase in the state budget.  
  
However, the rigid management can causes some disadvantages  
First, it make economic growth be affected as the decline of promising field. This area brings many profit to the economy so it may be a big loss.  
  
Many job positions may be lost. Obviously, fast food industry create multiple positions therefore if this sector was limited, many people can be in out of work.  
  
Eventually, In some way, fast food is really convinient. In this case, we have to put more effort to prepare a meal and it is inconvinient sometimes.  
  
In conclusion, there are positive sides and negative ones are still present.  
  
Thank you for your feedback, I will try my best to not repeat my mistakes after your comments.
she prompt is asking you to decide if the government should regulate the fast food industry in a manner similar to government oversight of the tobacco and alcohol industry. The response is based on a yes or no choice. The yes or no response must be supported by 2 valid and fully explained reasons. . With those considerations in mind, it is clear that your prompt restatement and thesis response are both incorrect. Such a grave enor may result in the immediate failure of your test. Your English comprehension skill was tremendously weak in this instance and will have a strong deducting effect on your final score.  
  
Once your restatement is incorrect, your reasoning paragraphs also become improper. Note that your reasons have very little to do with possible government intervention as you have a more publicly slanted discussion. This is also not an opinion defense but a comparison presentation, which does not respond to the question provided.. All these errors show that you were unable to deliver the expected response. These could result in a final failing score.