dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Yi, unless the essay indicates "Discuss both points of view and give your opinion", you are not supposed to offer a comparative argument in response. This is a direct question essay that uses the term "or" in posing the question for response to. The term "or" is indicative of the need for the writer to pick only one point of view for discussion in the response essay. Unless otherwise stated, all of the Task 2 essays are single opinion essay presentations.  
  
What this means is that you first indicate your personal opinion in the second paragraph, which is in the affirmative. You agree that working from home is advantageous. Then begin to explain why in the succeeding paragraphs. Use personal experience in support of your opinion discussion within the 2nd paragraph and then use other example statements and examples in the remaining 2 body paragraphs as part of your reasoning. Wrap it up with a summary of the reasons and restated thesis statement within the summary conclusion.
*Do the dangers derived from the use of chemicals in food production and preservation outweigh the advantages?*  
  
## chemicals and toxins in foods

  
  
Recently, agrotoxics and preservatives have become topic of debates in many countries, particularly in mega cities, raising relevant discussions among society. Overall, I agree that there are more negative impacts in our life than benefits, as I believe that diety is essential for health and this essay will argue regarding this point of view.  
  
Firstly, additives used at food industries cause some illness and is the main issue on this matter. It is exemplified by the growing number of cancer rates in U.S. which is represented 9% of citizens are sick, as they changed their diets for convenience, rather than prepare their own meals. In addition to it, is believed that other illness such allergies and skin problems are commonly influenced by the plethora of complex unknown ingredients in the manufactured foods. Therefore, most people who need assistance on their health will likely cost more for public services.  
  
Secondly, other reason why those chemicals in industry is harmful because it have not yet been clarified. For instance, transgenics, which is used in South America indiscrimed will be seen the consequence just for next years, as the researchers do not have information to demonstrate the results by introduced it in basic foods. Although the process with chemical can give more scalability in some companies, rather than normal natural way it has been put our society in enormous risk.  
  
In conclusion, however the development at some manufactures utilizing chemical and toxins in foods to produce enough supply for population, I strongly believe that those chemical are extremely harmful for our health.
Franciane, I can say that you have a good understanding of the topic provided for discussion. However, you do not have a good enough lexical resource with which to write this paper at a higher level. You used incorrect descriptive words in most instances and some of the words you used, are not even in the dictionary. So this means that the weakest points of your English writing abilities are in the LR and GRA sections.  
  
Problems in your vocabulary include:  
  
diety - a god or goddess  
dietary - relating to diets or dieting.  
  
indiscrimed - not in the English dictionary  
indiscriminate - done at random or without careful judgment.  
  
You also have a tendency to write extremely long sentences instead of presenting shorter sentences that could better mix the complex and simple sentence presentations. This is done within the 3-5 sentence format for each paragraph. Most of your paragraphs fall under the minimum requirement.  
  
Use more public knowledge without a measurement of percentages or country specific information. Unless you are an Oncologist, it would be better for your essay to stick to public information as these measurement specific information indicates research done on your part during your practice test. Be mindful of the fact that there will not be any outside internet access as the testing facility so you will not have access to researched information. Always write your practice tests in an actual test setting whenever possible so that you will be better prepared for the limitations of the testing center computer during the actual test.
I now its really bad bot I'm trying to improve.  
  
## bad news effect

  
  
The media should reduce bad news that they write or say because it will make people cautious in talking risk .  
In my opinion, if they censor bad news it won't help, however, it makes people unaware of everything to some extent it's good but media don't have to make human way of life I live in Iran where the news is different from other countries when I started to travel I understood that how bad is it furthermore its make you feel you live at nowhere I mean when people start to talk about a bad news you just should listen and it could be bad .  
  
People risk does not depend on news, the who want to take a risk will take. it will make them a little bit worried but it not change the way of thinking.  
  
In addition, if they don't know any bad things about the world it could be dangerous for people who follow media they trust in news and make their decision.  
  
In conclusion, if media deny bad news it could be hazardous for people and it would be useful for us if we make our choice more carefully.
... it won't help. Censoring bad news makes people unaware of everything around them. To an extent, censoring could be good but the media should not define the human way of life. In Iran, where I live, the news is different from other countries. When I began to travel to other countries, I understood how bad censorship is. It makes you feel that the area you live in is nowhere and does not matter. I mean when people start to talk about a bad news, no matter how bad, you should listen.  
  
The risks that some people take does not depend on the news; whoever wants to take a risk will do so. It could have the effect of making them a little bit worried or cautious, but it not change their way of thinking.  
  
... dangerous for people who make some decisions based upon the news.  
  
..., if the media denies bad news ... for people because it would is useful for us to make our ...  
  
I HOPE THIS HELPS
Artin, it is difficult to help you. I am unsure about how to advise you regarding possible improvements to your work because you did not present the original thesis statement / instructions you are responding to. Without that, I cannot really help you improve your work beyond correcting your format / presentation. Which won't help you much in terms of properly discussing the given prompt.  
  
Your presentation doesn't really follow the required format in the sense that the information the reader needs to understand what you wrote is missing. I guess you are not familiar with the discussion format for the Task 2 essay. The format works this way:  
  
1. All paragraphs need to be 3-5 sentences in presentation.  
2. The opening paragraph needs to clearly restate the discussion topic and your thesis statement. Use your own words to explain what the original prompt is all about.  
  
3. The next 3 paragraphs explain the reasons that you have for the discussion. This is written in support of your thesis statement and is based upon the original prompt response instructions. So this could be a comparison point of view or a personal opinion discussion. It all depends upon the instructions you were provided.  
  
4. The paragraphs should be no less than 4 but no more than 5 paragraphs, similar to the sentence instructions.  
5. The concluding statement should be a thorough summary presentation of the previous discussions.  
  
All of the information you presented does not follow the qualifiers for an appropriate passing score in the Task 2 essay. I strongly urge you to review the sample essays that you can find at this forum so that you can become more familiar with how the writing is properly done. You may also learn from the advice given to the previous writers that you can apply to your own practice writing tests.
***At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with older people.  
Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?***  
  
## IS THE HUGE NUMBER OF YOUNG PEOPLE A BENEFIT FOR A NATION ?

  
  
Presently, many countries have to witness an imbalance between the number of younger and older people in the society, particularly with a sharp increase in youngsters growth. This has brought some benefits as well as drawbacks for these countries. From my view, the advantages seem to surpass the disadvantages.  
  
On the one hand, a huge number of citizens being young adults mean the authorities need to spend a lot to nurture them because they totally have right for getting access to advanced education system and healthcare as well. Another thing is the lack of skillful workers. A society with many youngsters would make a blank for jobs that needs strong experience labor. For instance, leader or high- level manager positions in most enterprises tend to be offered for people who has had enough experience and undergone these jobs over a long period. And this seldom occurs in the opposite way.  
  
On the other hand, a tiny number of older people would allow the government to save a considerable budget for housing and caring them until they die. It is the truth because the expenditure for constructing a nursing home and providing accompanied services often costs so much. In addition, many youngers would provide an abundant labor force for the economy. Take industrial zones as an example. Most workers are young because working here requires them to have a strong health and bold enthusiasm. Last but not least, a younger generation will lead a country to more prosperity, globalization period in particular.  
  
In conclusion, it is not right or wrong to judge the claims of a country with younger population. However, it still comprises both pros and cons in any circumstance. For me, the benefits seem to be excess due to the huge workforce, welfare cost savings and even creativity the young people could bring back for the evolution of a nation.
I think that  
-You just make a mistake like i did in my essay. About the two phrases are "On the one hand" and "On the other hand", it is like this example" On one hand, you have homework. On the other hand, you have work. You can't balance them both", given to compare. It also in the same paragraph. You cannot use it to start 2 different ideas.  
  
-a huge number ... mean===) means 'cause a number of is a subject.
Nguyen, this is a direct response question. The response should be coming from a singular point of view. A direct response essay is never discussed as a comparison essay. Actually, unless the prompt clearly instructs you to compare the points of view presented, you are to assume, as the writer, that the singular point of view is the required response for the essay. This is a standard ruling applied to all Task 2 essays.  
  
Do not use the term "seem" in your thesis statement within the opening paragraph. The term "seem" indicates an indecisiveness on your part. You have not made a decision regarding your response to the question that you actually believe in and support. As such, your succeeding discussions become weak because you do not have the conviction to support your singular point of view.  
  
The idea is to prove that your point of view is the correct one by giving a strong discussion regarding it. You may pose the opposing discussion as a topic discussion theme in the paragraph but the discussion you present should explain the weakness in it. For example, you can say that:  
  
*One advantage of having a large number of young adults has to do with a younger workforce. While the older generation acts in a leadership role, the younger workers bring innovations and potential avenues for improvement to the craft. The older employees are not capable of...*  
  
If the comparison is done from a singular point of view, presenting an opposing discussion helps to strengthen your line of reasoning. Avoid using a compare and contrast paragraph presentation because that shows the reader that you are not really convinced nor supportive of the point of view that you chose to present in the discussion.  
  
The idea behind this sort of prompt is to weaken the opposing argument by finding the problems with their concepts using an opposing argument within the same paragraph. That is a totally different approach from a compare and contrast essay response. In this case, it is a singular opinion response that uses opposing arguments to strengthen its case. Refer to my sample presentation above for future reference.
## giving children basic choices

  
  
This is my practice of IELTS writing task 2. Please give some advice on it. Thank you!  
**Essay topic: Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes, and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decision about matter that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.**  
  
Over the last few decades, the world has witnessed significant changes on the methodology of teaching children at home which focuses on developing their independence and self-confidence. However, it is widely believed that these young citizens should not be allowed to decide on what they eat, wear or play; otherwise, they would grow up being selfish. Others disagree and feel that is not necessarily a negative thing to do. This essay discusses both these views and then gives my viewpoint on this matter.  
  
On the one hand, I believe that despite their young age, children should be trusted for simple responsibilities in the house and tasks should be given to them gradually. Things which are not only attached to their daily lives but also demonstrate their personalities such as food they eat, clothes they dress or the way they have fun need to be respected and taken into consideration by their own families and schools. For example, parents can let their sons or daughters take charge in choosing what kinds of food their family is going to have for the day; followed by that, the kids would feel more confident not only in their life choices but also in themselves.  
  
On the other hand, it is undeniable that most of the time, kids cannot make up righteous decisions and therefore, it is impossible for the parents to believe in them. Advocates of this viewpoint also point out that without parental guidance or direction, the immaturity in children will urge them to decide falsely only to get whatever whenever they want. As a result, they would grow up believing in some wrong values and potentially become extremely reckless or self-centered. However, as far as I am concerned, kids are only innocent creatures who reflect their parents' everyday behaviors. As long as they are educated properly and carefully about qualities such as honor, nobility and kindness, I do not think this could be likely to happen to their future.  
  
In conclusion, I strongly support the teaching methods towards giving children the right to determine on their basic demands including food, clothes and entertainment because this helps build up confidence in each child. The most important factor here is that parents need to be role models for their little members to believe in and follow.
@Chiuviu I am really sad that you were able to get the prompt paraphrase done in a proper manner, but then you did not discuss the prompt requirements in the required manner when it came to the discussion of the body of paragraphs. You see, this is not a personal point of view essay. This is a dual opinion with personal point of view discussion essay. Now, while you properly indicated the discussion instructions in the rephrasing, you turned your body of paragraphs into a personal point of view or singular point of view discussion instead.  
  
In the second paragraph, you indicated: I believe that..." Which does not indicate a comparative point of view discussion based on general discussions, which is what the prompt requires. Then, in the second paragraph, you referred to a public discussion before going back to a personal point of view in your concluding statement. That is an uneven presentation and clearly digresses from the actual instructions you were provided, which you also understood as evidenced by your prompt restatement.  
  
The proper format for this type of discussion is always:  
1. Prompt restatement  
2. Discussion POV 1 (public reason)  
3.. Discussion POV 2 (Public reason)  
4. Personal point of view  
5. Concluding summary of previously presented points.  
  
You also lack the usage of transition sentences at the end of every body paragraph to help ease the reader into the next discussion topic. That is because a connecting explanation of one sentence helps to strengthen your presentation in aid of your TA and GRA scores. You should also never write more than 250 words in a timed setting during the practices so that you can properly allot editing time for content and grammar corrections.
Na na, I got special permission to expand on my explanation to you. This is going to happen only once. Please make your thread urgent the next time you want me to clarify an explanation. The rule of the forum is only one advice per thread. So this is an exception and you will have to make the next question, if you have one, URGENT or you won't get a new response.  
  
In response to your question, no, you do not need to use the transition sentence in the first paragraph. The first paragraph closes with the thesis statement for your essay. The transition sentence comes at the end of the second, third, and fourth paragraphs. The fourth paragraph transition should lead into the concluding summary / statement. Your take on how the transition sentence should be composed is correct. Use similar transition sentences in the relevant body paragraphs. Remember, the transition sentence is the last sentence in the body paragraph.
## young stars

  
  
With the development of technology in 21st century, everyone can become stars at from an early age. Many people think that it is good to find out and take advantage the talent as soon as possible. However, to be famous whether they only focus on what they are good at or they force to face the others. In my opinion, it is the worst thing to be as a star at young age.  
  
On the one hand, whoever you are, an adult or a child, you still need to face complicated social issues. Although you are still young and not mature, these problems happend to you. People cheer you up and like you in this time, however, they can turn back you for just one second because what you did. Money, fame, dignity are such a good things everyone dreams of and work hard to have, but these people are so easy to have it. That is therefore they do not value normal things. In addition, some country's culture concern so much about their look, fan will give bad comments in their different appearance.  
  
On the other hand, the massive scheduals would destroy your childhood. You do not have time to see friends, relatives; care about around people; go public like others because fan will annoy you all the time or you can not play things what your friend do. It might change your characteristics a lot, criticisms makes you feel stressful which you sould have not sufferred in this age.  
  
A philippines singer, Charice pempengco, become famous since she was nine, consider as the best diva ever because of her wonderful voice. Many people even told she was better than Whitney Houston, so she try her best to sing all the time in different shows while her larynx does not fully develope. The result is that she lost her amazing voice now and her career is destroyed. It is pity for such a talented person.  
  
In short, finding talents are so important, however, let that talent have time to develope and train in right way and right time.
Hoa, you were only asked whether the topic provided was a good or bad thing. To exaggerate the response by saying "worst" changes the context of the topic. This single opinion essay should have a consistently connected discussion of various points of view. There is a disconnection in the presentation you used because your topics are unrelated to one another.  
  
Since you started the discussion on the context of complicated social issues, you should have focused on this discussion in the second paragraph. Your topic sentence was good but you did not really discuss proper supporting references and examples that could have better illustrated your point. This topic alone would have been enough to cover the required 3 body paragraphs.  
  
The "other hand" statement actually does not connect with the first part of the discussion because it relates to "scheduling". A topic that was not properly introduced towards the end of the first paragraph. Remember, when discussing unrelated topics, you need to prepare the reader for the coming change in the discussion topic by presenting a "transition" sentence at the end. It doesn't need to be a fancy sentence, just a signal sentence to let the reader know you are changing topics in the next paragraph.  
  
The example you used, Charice Pempenco, does not really have relation to the discussion topic because you failed to explain how her voice relates to her popularity. I for one do not know who this person is so I do not really care about the discussion you presented. If you must use an example, always make sure that it is someone who is a pop icon like say Justine Beiber, Selena Gomez, Ariana Grande, or some other well known international celebrity in order to better illustrate your point.  
  
By the way, you should be careful of your spelling, the Philippines if the name of a country and should be capitalized. Don't forget to proof read your practice essays because this is your one chance to make sure you get everything right in the actual test. That means, you need to create a pocket of time to edit and revise the content of your paper. Otherwise, you will risk losing points for grammar and lexical references.