dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Rafiq, you are getting your English terms mixed up in this essay. The correct sentence is "Many people dream of playing professional baseball". That is just one of the serious mistakes you made in reference to the sport in your essay. Unfortunately, there are too many of these errors for me to correct so I will just leave you with just one sample of the properly written sentence.  
  
You have also shown that you are sometimes not capable of spelling the English terms properly such as "Caise" instead of "because". The whole essay sounds like a writing exercise that you did not even take an effort to properly write. You capitalized the words famous, talented, and rich when these are not proper nouns nor used at the start of a sentence and therefore, should be written in lowercase letter. That is a standard English writing rule that you have chosen to disregard in your writing.  
  
I understand that you are not a native English speaker and you are just learning the language at the moment. It is important the you take great pains to properly write in English if you are to improve your writing skills. Use an online language corrector if you must. Those can help you learn to proper sentence structure and grammar usage of words. More simple English writing exercises and an increase in English reading material will also help in that regard.  
  
At this point, your essay is not an acceptable first effort because you did not even try to write this properly. If you had typed this in MS word, you would have even instantly gotten assistance from the bundled grammar checker, which you should not ignore as it can help you learn how to write in English more effectively as well.
## i was impressed by the capital of Khanh Hoa province

  
  
One of the most incredibly majestic destinations I have ever vacationed in the coastal city is Nha Trang, the capital of Khanh Hoa province. Located on South- Central coast of Vietnam, Nha Trang possesses the most picturesque seaside, prominent scuba diving service as well as yummy seafood, which attracts an inordinate number of international backpackers around the world.  
  
Without a doubt, the most impressive thing about this "underrated pearl" is the pristine sun-drenched natural scenery. Nha Trang is surrounded on all three sides by mountain ranges. Therefore, I could have an opportunity to see high mountain peak floating in the soft cloud. My most memorable scene at this tranquil beach is the magnificent sunrise. I sacrificed one happy sleepy morning for a head for an early beach when the weather is chilly, the water is turquoise, the breeze is fresh. I strolled along the powdery white sand and dipped my toes in the cold water. All of these made my perfect day!  
  
Together with the heavenly beaches, you can enjoy many activities on the beach such as swimming, sunbathing, building sand castles, playing volleyball. Moreover, Nha Trang is one of the best spots for scuba diving and snorkeling. Hence, I believe diverse fish and the colorful coral reef underwater will give you the most overwhelming feeling that you have never explored.  
  
Additional, seafood is an absolute must try in Nha Trang. There are many mouthwatering and unique dishes; perhaps three ones you must try are "Banh canh cha ca" " Nem nuong Nha Trang" and "Bun ca sua". There is no shortage of restaurants to try these specialties as they can be found virtually everywhere in the city.  
  
Ultimately, not only the exquisite landscape, but the hospitability of residents here as well as the delicious cuisine also contribute to making Nha Trang a dreamlike scene of nature! All of these appealing features make me yearn to come back here again and again!
Well this is the best essay I've ever read with incredibly-impressive vocabulary (they are kinda derived from SAT language test) and wisely-utilized sentence structures. And yeah, I've been to Nha Trang like 4 years ago, and I share the same impression about this coastal city. The tranquility of the beach was what I enjoyed the most.  
  
And as I saw your profile, you're an ULIS student, so it is no a suprise to me for an English gifted - Vietnamese student could acquire such a fascinating writing style like that. I wonder when I can attain this level of writing like yours.  
  
Also, very tiny mistakes:  
delicious cuisines also contribute  
exquisite landscapes
@lahoaithu I don't really find this essay interesting in a creative manner. You are just narrating your experience there, without involving the reader in the process. A really effective creative writing piece should involve the reader in the scenes and experiences rather than simply informing the reader as you do here. Take the reader on the adventure with you. Don't just give highlights of your trip. Be the tour guide. Liven it up. Be immersive instead of simply descriptive. There is a big difference between the two. The first one, creates a writer who knows how to use his imagination to engage the reader and the latter, simply knows how to write and describe things. I am convinced that you would rather be the former right? Next time, aim to be creative and involving rather than simply descriptive and informative.
## Sporting occasions releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way.

  
  
*Topic* **Popular events like football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Team sports build briges between nations and one community as well. Among those cultural occasions, sporting events emerge to be remarkable highlights all over the world. It cannot be denied that sport plays an important role in a lasting peace. Not only does it cause a decline in international conflicts but it can also help the people in a country have an opportunity to show their patriotism.  
  
Firstly, aggression by one nationality against another can be tolerated through sporting events such as World Cup and Olympics. For example, that both North and South Korean joining in one team at Olympics 2018 should help ease political issues between the two countries. As a result, two divided territories could feel the solidarity and potentially cooperate in other fields in the future. The long-standing relationship among different countries can be strongly developed.  
  
Secondly, national unity gradually grows as the sport matches passed by. For instance, in the final match of AFC U23 Championship, between Vietnam and Uzbekistan, thousands of people gathered on the street and shared the happiness though they were strangers to others. Although the result was not as expected, the Vietnamese fans considered the U23 team as heroes and sincerely encouraged them. Thus, patriotic feeling comes from the effort and fighting spirit of the sport teams and the heart beating to the matches of their fans.  
  
In conclusion, due to its positive effects on nationalism and the harmony of the world, I think popular sporting occasions are supported to be held as much as possible in the years to come. Also, the governments should enhance the security system in order to ensure the safety of players and spectators as well during the sport celebrations.
Tran, you have a good prompt paraphrase but your response to the question is missing. What is your measured response to the extent question? I am afraid that you misunderstood the prompt and wrote simply a personal opinion essay from beginning to end. The essay should be a response to the question being asked in the original prompt. That is the basis of the thesis statement of your prompt paraphrase. Look at the missing piece in your first paragraph below:  
  
*Question: To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
Response: Not only does it cause a decline in international conflicts but it can also help the people in a country have an opportunity to show their patriotism.*  
  
As you can see, what happened in your response is, you changed the total discussion parameters of the essay. Instead of providing the extent response (ex. partially, totally, significantly, wholly, etc.) you provided a personal opinion instead for the rephrased thesis part. Therefore, this essay will get a failing mark in the task accuracy section. Which means that the essay, though proper in explanation in the reasoning paragraphs, but lacking a concluding summary at the end, will not be able to get passing marks in an actual test. Aside from the reasons previously mentioned, there are also the remaining scoring criteria deductions that the essay will be getting, all of which combine for a negative score on your part.
TOEFL iBT Task 2:  
*In some organization, promotions are based on seniority, while in other organizations, promotions are based on performance. Discuss the advantages of each position. Then indicate which position you think is the best and why.*  
  
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## Promotion in Organization

  
  
There is a different approach on how the organization gives promotion to their employees. Some organizations determine based on seniority, while others prefer on performance. Each of these approaches have their own advantages and in my opinion, the best position depends on the organization's characters.  
  
In seniority approach, the organization will assess the employees based on experience and period that they have served for the organization. Those will bring some advantages to the organization since the employees will be motivated to give their best role in longer time. For example, the public servant will be promoted when they have reached some years of their works. Therefore, they will stay in the institution to get a promotion until they are retired. Despite, this kind of organization should anticipate if their employees are lack of motivation since they are not to be competitive enough with others.  
  
A little bit different with the seniority way, performance-based promotion will create a competitive atmosphere in the organization. This kind of situation will definitely drive the organization to an innovative, progressive, and fast-growing institution. The employees might be motivated to show their best efforts to the organization. The example of this organization is profit-sectors, such as private organizations. Since the employee will also seek for the competitive salary too, they will always look for the demanding wages from other organization. The institution should be aware about this issue and wise in giving compensation for their workers.  
  
In my opinion, to decide the best approach in promoting the employees in workplaces is by knowing the character of the organization. It is totally depends on the organization's needs. If the organization has a regular target and needs the experienced employees, then the seniority way might be the best to give promotion. However, when the organization needs for the profit and compete with others, hence the performance-based could be the best way to be applied.  
  
Word Count: 317
Hi Nuradia, you have written an essay that can possible gain a score of 3 in an actual test setting. The main problem with your presentation is that your sentences are not well developed structurally and your presentations often provide confusion in terms of meaning to the reader. Let me show you some sample problem sentences with corresponding corrections below:  
  
- ... the best position depends on the organization's **characters**.  
An organization will never promote on the basis of character although that is one of the promotion considerations when looking at a candidate. However, you are using the term in the wrong manner in this sentence because character depicts the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual. A company will more likely promote from the ranks based on the needs of the company. That means, the company will promote the person who performs best in the field that the company requires improvement upon. This error shows vocabulary problems on your part. You got the meaning of the word wrong although the reader can guess what you were trying to say.  
  
- Despite, this kind of organization ...  
Despite what? Despite means without being affected by; in spite of. You cannot use despite as you did in this sentence because the word, without a follow up explanation means nothing. This left the sentence without a proper structure and subject.  
  
- by knowing the character of the organization  
Again, it is more proper to use the word "needs".  
  
It is totally depends on the organization's needs.  
- Finally! You used the right term to explain what you meant. Good job!
## child and youth misbehaviour

  
  
In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour.  
What do you think are the causes of this?  
What solutions can you suggest?  
A generation ago, the bond between teachers and children was strong and children were taught to look up to their teachers. However, it seems clear that children do not have the same respect for teachers as in the past. This essay will analyse the reasons why students misbehave in school and propose some remedial actions that can be taken to counter this issue.  
  
One of the primary cause of the problem can be attributed to the lack of structure and discipline in school is becoming more prominent. In Vietnam, for example, students often chat in the classrooms and ignore the teachers, especially the gentle teachers, therefore the atmosphere are extremely noisy. The solution is for the school assembly to enforce a clear rule. They also need to punish justifiably the misbehaviour students which would result in a healthy ecosystem and children behave appropriately.  
  
Another vital problem is that some parents are too lenient and spoil their offspring. In many Asian countries, children are used to getting whatever they want at home, therefore, they will tend to act in the same manner at school. Additionally, in this fast pace of modern life, parents tend to devote very little time with their adolescents, as a result, children lack parental guidance and they have a minimum knowledge about the moral values as well as the sense of respect to their teachers. To tackle this issue, parents must take responsibility for shaping their children's behaviour and they need to work closely with schools because schools can do very little if they are not supported by parents.  
  
A third cause of the problem is that there are too many students in some classes. Recently, it has become evident that controlling a large-size lass is extremely hard and teachers do not allow using corporal punishments in schools, therefore, teachers cannot manage all the students' behaviour. For instance, the average student numbers in most classes in Vietnam is 45, this makes teachers struggle with their children for many minutes before they can start the lessons. The way forward could be to cut the number of student in classes, and to take on more teaching assistants, which would help to control the children.  
  
To sum up, it is clear that, children's misbehaviour is becoming significant in many schools, due to reasons such as the lack of discipline and education from home. Unless schools revamp their education system and parents become stern and create a harmonious environment at home, the children will continue to behave badly in school. My view is that the youth are the future of our society and it is our fundamental duty to guide and make them compassionate human beings.
## motorbikes are widely utilized in some countries

  
  
**The private motor vehicle has greatly improved individual freedom of movement. Moreover, it has become a status symbol. Its use, though, has impacted negatively on city centres as a whole.  
  
What are some serious problems brought about by private motor vehicle use? How can its use be reduced?  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.**  
  
My writing  
  
Nowadays, especially in developing countries, motorbikes are widely utilized by people due to its flexibility in commuting. However, it is said that there are shortcomings influenced on urban areas. This essay will cite out some issues related to the dilemma and steps to tackle.  
  
To begin with, the prevalence of motorbikes is identified as the main factor of traffic congestion in rush hour. Taking Hanoi, which is a capital city of Vietnam as an example, in the constraint time of 5 p.m to 6h30 p.m is totally a nightmare for its citizens because of loads motors got stucked in the streets in an irritating phenamenon. Alongside the traffic problem is the enviromental hurdles, in which is explained by the release of fumes from motorbikes into the air. This issue is one of the major components contributed to the rising of global temperature. Another point to be considered, motorbikes are the dominant reason that causes mishaps annually. This is an act of people's low courtesy, when they take advantages of the flexibility of motorbikes to go through the red traffic light sometimes.  
  
Some measures are taken to address the issue. The first solution is that the goverments should raise taxes on motorbikes. By applying that technique, people will be less likely to access to this commuting method. Moreover, the local authorities are advised to concentrate on developing public transports, in order to encourage local metropolicians to consume less private transports.  
  
In conclusion, the tendancy of motorbikes results in negative impact on cities. This issue can cause traffic jam, damage the enviroment and arise accidents every year. Therefore, interest increase and the widespread of public transports are the keys to resolve the dilemma.  
  
I have questions: How many times should a word be repeated in an essay? And how or when can you repeat a word?
Hoang, your prompt paraphrase should have included a direct response to the questions provided. This is not an opinion essay, this is a direct response essay. As such, your response should have included the outline of the discussion based on topic presentation within the body of paragraphs.  
  
Your second paragraph is confusing to read. It lacks transition phrases or sentences that should have shown a continued to discussion of the problems that motorbike use causes. It should be similar to the following:  
  
*Motorbikes have been known to cause road congestions. In Vietnam, Ho Chi Minh city in particular, the hours of 5:00 to 6:00 PM are a traffic nightmare as the motorbikes often pile up and get stuck on the road. This conglomeration of motorbikes offers more than just movement congestion in the streets. Motorbikes are one of the major reasons for street accidents. These accidents further hold up road traffic as the motorbikes and the injured are cleared from the streets which then aggravates the pollution problem of the country. As such, Vietnam faces a tremendous traffic and pollution problem due to motorbike use.*  
  
The clarity of the discussion relies on the connecting / transition sentences that you use to create a cohesive and coherent discussion. If your sentences do not connect in meaning, then the paragraph is confusing and difficult to understand. This could cause a lower GRA and C&C score for you.  
  
Now, about your questions. If the term is a keyword in the presentation, such as the word "motorbike", you should use it as often as possible when referring to the vehicle. While you could use other terms such as motorcycle, scooter, dirt bike, and other variations of the word, you could confuse the reader when you do that. So it is best to use the keyword in its original form, regardless of the times used, in the essay.  
  
For other words in relation to the original prompt paraphrase, you should try to use synonyms as often as possible in order to show a wide vocabulary range. This should also be applied to the rest of the essay discussion. Try not to use the same term more than twice in the presentation. This can help to increase your LR score, most specially when used in the proper manner as it can also help to heighten your C&C and GRA score.  
  
Your essay writing has improved to a small degree. Your clarity within the discussion is still a problem but you manage to properly explain yourself in writing. Just remember, you can't write less than 3 sentences, no more than 5. You accidentally wrote 6 sentences in the second paragraph.
## horizontal or vertical city

  
  
Some people prefer to live in horizontal cities, while other opinions believe to be resident in vertical urban deserve a true life. Although both of them have particular advantages, I still offer to live in a high-rise building.  
  
In the fact that, a horizontal city is an architecture just suit to be built on a large space. One of living in low-rise construction benefits is residents live spaces can contact closely with nature. For example, everywhere in horizontal urban can be designed to immerse in natural wind, air, and light.  
  
With vertical construction, architects can use multi-layers of an area include underground to enlarge maximum space. The structure of high-rise building connects resident apartments, shopping malls, and traffic as a unit. Furthermore, these are cutting-edge technologies can be used to bring natural elements inside that system. As we known, Singapore is a very small country was built in multi-layers structure. Their public transport system run underground is a spine of national traffic that connects all constructions on the ground. However, urban planning for vertical construction need good visions and also spend a giant cost.  
  
In my opinion, I admire a vertical construction which is modern for current urban architecture. It is true that high- rise buildings make more live space for citizens. It seems can solve a part of the problem of the population increase that makes cities become tight horizontally.  
  
In conclusion, both horizontal and vertical construction has particular characters to be suitable with special areas. I believe multi-story structure could be a treatment for narrow urban.
Dear @leanh,  
  
In my opinion, I feel confuse with the idea of your essay. For example in the paragraph 2, you explained about horizontal city but the example you provided is still lil bit abstract. Perhaps you could give an example of the horizontal living such as in a village or rural area, etc. In addition, I think it is not good to write "in the fact that" in the beginning of a paragraph.  
  
Best of luck!