dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hallo, My name Vike Darliyasi, and I'm IELTS student.  
I need feedback in term of task achievement, coherence and cohesion, lexical resources, grammatical range and accuracy  
  
## different strengths and weaknesses of men and women

  
  
Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weakness. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender?  
  
Basically, females and males might have the divergent of strength and weakness. It is totally wrong because in today's world all of the genders have the same opportunities, and no do successful people depend on the sex, but it depends on the people's hard work.  
  
In this era, gender equality becomes the hot issues in all over the world. People have the same occasion to having a job, not depends on the sex as long as they have good skill in that job. For example, hitherto, a man can become a barber in women's barber shop because he has a great skill in cutting hair and making an amazing female hair's style. It is totally different with few years ago which is male cannot take that job because of the different sex. At that time, it might be the ancient people think male will damage women's hair, hence they do not allow cutting the women's hair.  
  
Subsequently, someone's success is not based on the genders. If people give the big effort to get something, they could take it all. Moreover, skill can be created by giving training for the people. For instance, females could be more success in repairing of a car than males as women have the high automotive skill. Although the automotive job is a men job, it does not mean that women cannot do it also. From that example shows that there is no gender needed to become a successful person.  
  
To summarize, all of the people have similar chance to do everything in their life, and giving more efforts is one of the key to gain the success, not based on the genders.
you should not write a question in your introduction.  
and in the same part, I think it should be "weaknesses"  
  
"the hot issue~~s~~"  
"**few years ago** which is male cannot.." => **could** not  
  
"it might be the ancient people thinking"  
  
"they do not allow cutting ..." => they were not allowed to cut  
  
"~~From~~ that example shows"  
  
I think you should use "gender requirement" in stead of "gender needed"
Vike, your opening paraphrase is confusing as it does not represent a proper discussion topic nor discussion process indicator. It is not a very good presentation because you are not focusing on developing a sentence structure that clearly explains what the original prompt is about. An example of a clear prompt paraphrase is:  
  
*The male and female species tend to have a variation in terms of abilities. Men are seen as the stronger gender and women are the weaker sex. It is based on this perception that businesses tend to hire each gender. I believe that it is wrong to hire people in the workforce based on a bias regarding their abilities to perform a task.*  
  
Notice that my first sentence created a reproduction of the topic sentence in the original prompt. The second sentence, restated the reason for the discussion, and the third sentence, responded to the question posed in the original prompt. This completely represents the original prompt requirements in an original paraphrase.  
  
While your sentence structures are problematic and have a great difficulty in expressing your thoughts, I managed to make out what you wished to say after a few repeated readings. This means that the passages you wrote create stress for the reader which will have a direct effect on your GRA plus C&C scores. Your LR usage is allowable to a certain extent although the mistakes sometimes create funny sentence structures that make the reader wonder what you wish to say. For example. I don't think you meant to say ancient people but rather "past generations" to indicate how gender beliefs functioned in previous decades.  
  
Now, I will say that for a first timer, this is not a bad effort. You are at least making a decent effort at writing complex and simple sentences although you sometimes fail to do both. However, I know that as long as you have separate sentence structure development exercises, your essay writing skills will begin or continue to improve. As of now, I do not wish to score your efforts as I would you to focus on improving your overall skillset rather than focusing on specific areas but then allowing other points to suffer or degrade in writing quality. I will score your essays as I see the improvements happening. I'll give you a score when the time is right :-)
1. You're absolutely not writing an exactly the topic sentences in your essay, you have to substitute your idea, words.  
  
2. You show your too much examples but not reveals what the core of the correct to exclude the profession of gender is.  
  
3. You should write a conclusion after a single paragraph, an example to impress, why you include these are.  
  
4. You're repeated many times:  
+ [...]someone's success is not based on the genders. If people give the big effort to get something[...]  
+ [...]It is totally wrong because in today's world all of the genders have the same opportunities, and no do successful people depend on the sex, but it depends on the people's hard work.[...]  
  
> Should not: 'It is' is the opening sentences.  
> 'no do successful people depend on the sex' compared to 'but it depends on the people's hard work' is not suitable and is NOT of the MAIN HEADING of the topic.  
  
> The success of someone is should not the key in your essay, you relapse its too much.  
  
5. Do not just write the 'opposite' sentences, you have to 'spread' what you're trying to mention.
Hi,  
  
My name is Bani. I am an IELTS student. I need feedback in term of task achievement, coherence and cohesion, lexical resources (vocabulary), grammatical range and accuracy.  
  
## Global warming is one of the biggest threats

  
  
**Global warming is one of the biggest threats humans face in the 21st century and sea levels are continuing to rise at alarming rates.  
What problems are associated with this and what are some possible solutions?**  
  
In this millennial era, people are facing major issue relating to the rising temperatures of the earth which is depicted by a rising level of the sea as signals. There is a strong likelihood that unpredictable weather is the problem caused by this phenomenon and saving water is the most viable solution.  
  
To begin with, the serious issue of the current high temperatures has shifted the weather patterns. This condition leads to farmers struggles for planning their planting schedule inasmuch as increasingly unpredictable water supplies which is a basic need of agriculture. In addition, a warmer atmosphere could trigger the increasing rates of evaporation. In other words, the plant leaves will lose their moisture. For example, in Indonesia, according to the Statistic Commission of Indonesia, the total of paddy production in 2018 decreased significantly approximately two-fifth percent since the farmer would not start to grow the plants because of dry season which was longer than the previous decade.  
  
The most practical action to tackle this problem is to reduce water waste. This could decrease carbon pollution which is produced by activities related to water consumption such as pumping, heating, and water treatment. For instance, recent research conducted by the University of Indonesia depicted the total electricity consumption that would be saved in Jakarta per year was about 90 million kilowatt-hours. This is to avoid 70,000 tons of global warming pollution if one out of every 100 city dwellers uses the water efficiently. It suggests the citizens could take shorter showers, and turn off the tap while brushing teeth.  
  
In conclusion, a changing global climate is a serious problem these days. The result of the rising in sea level can lead to the change of climate events. This problem can be solved through wise water usage.
Muhammad, kindly familiarize yourself with English grammar writing rules. You need to learn about how to construct sentences properly using subject-verb agreements. The following sentence is improperly structured:  
  
...every 100 city dwellers uses the water efficiently...  
Correction: ... dwellers USE water efficiently...  
  
You also have a conjunction usage misunderstanding as you used a comma in the following presentation when it was not needed:  
  
...citizens could take shorter showers~~,~~  and turn off the tap ...  
  
You should also learn to use more descriptive adjectives in your essay so that your LR and GRA scores can be increased. For example, when you said:  
  
...global climate is a serious problem these days...  
  
The reference would have had more impact had you said :  
  
...global climate is a severe problem...  
  
There are other descriptive adjective improvements that could have been done throughout your essay but I believe that one example of how a properly described adjective can improve the impact of a sentence presentation.  
  
Try to avoid writing run-on sentences by ending your sentences with one topic being presented in it. Remember, there is a minimum 3 sentence requirement for each paragraph and you failed to meet that requirement in the opening paragraph. The opening paragraph could have had 3 sentences if you had separated your responses for the separate questions in the direct response. That would have allowed you to better develop a sentence structure for each response presentation, which could have allowed for an increased GRA scoring consideration.  
  
Avoid using research specific information such as statistics from the Indonesian agency. There is no internet access at the exam center. That is why you are always asked to use personal understanding, knowledge, and examples for these essays. It does not matter if your information is not accurate. What matters is that your English writing makes sense to the reader. Remember, do not research. You won't increase your scoring potential based on the exactness of your information, that doesn't count in the scoring bracket considerations.  
  
Overall, this is an informative essay that is understandable to the reader. However, I wonder how well this essay could have been written by you had you not done research on the topic. My comment about the way the essay was presented and written is actually false-positive because you have researched information in this presentation. I wonder if you would have been able to present yourself in English, in an understandable manner, without the referenced information. I hope to see how you actually write based on personal knowledge in your next essay.
Hi, I'm Annantha Ayu. I come from Indonesia. I need your help to give some feedback on my writing.  
  
## Governance-financed schools - IELTS TASK 2

  
  
**Families who do not send their children to government-financed schools should not be required to pay taxes that support universal education.**  
**To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
It is true that the governance-financed schools should be not demanded the tax payment to parents who do not entrust their children to their schools. To some extent, I agree that people must be freed from the tax, however, I would also argue that they should extent some money for the tax payment.  
  
There are several reasons why I believe that people who do not put their children to learning in the state education must be not obligated to pay taxes. Firstly, the government has a special budget for schooling such as purchasing the student textbooks, establishing the school facilities, and paying the teacher's salaries. Secondly, the government-owned company and the state-owned enterprises have sponsored the government-owned school in the provision of school improvements and necessity. In consequence,people who prefer sending their children in the other schools rather than in the state school could be not supposed to pay taxes.  
  
By contrast, every citizen has the responsibility to pay out the tax fees for the country development. The obligation of paying tax provides the benefits for all society although some individuals decide to place their children to learn in the private school instead of the government-financed school. Moreover, the taxes helps the poor people to going to school without having to pay the tuition fees. Because the poor are exempt from the school's payment, the equal distribution of education will soon be realized for all people.  
  
In conclusion, while parents should be freed from the tax charges because they do not put their children to study there, I agree that they must be paid the taxes as well.
Annatha, your inability clearly express yourself in English is causing problems for you in the essay presentation. When it comes to your sentence structure and grammar usage, I would have to say that your work is tremendously bad. There is a lack of clarity in your explanations because it sounds like you were merely translating from your native tongue into English. A practice that led you to use English words on a piece-mill basis, which in turn, caused you to use English words that were not really applicable to the sentence and your thoughts, which resulted in unclear paragraph presentations and stressful reading references for the reader.  
  
The problem is that you are focusing on impressing the reviewer with failed complex sentences. Your English vocabulary and writing abilities are not at the intermediate level yet. You are only at the improved beginners level. So you should not be trying to create these complex sentences using advanced English vocabulary and sentence structures yet. You should be practicing to write simple sentences using the task 2 prompts. If you can write clearly using simple sentences then you will find yourself slowly improving, without even trying, and writing complex sentences before you know it.  
  
At this moment, this essay shows that you are making the effort to write complex sentences but have not achieved that objective. Due to that failure, the essay cannot be expected to receive a passing score. I hope that you will take my advice and show some improvement in your next practice essay.
## memorable times from the past

  
  
Everybody has childhood memories and among of them some are happy and some are sad. For me, my childhood is quite unhappy and I would like to talk about my childhood memory related to my mother.  
  
My parent divorced when I was 5 and I lived with my father. My mother rent a house and it is far from our place about 5km. at that period I missed her so much and I didn't have a phone to contact her. I just could meet her every weekend. On Friday evening, she came and picked me up to her place  
  
I wished the time passing fast to see her again because Saturday and Sunday were my happiest time with my younger sister and my mother. However, there was one time. I waited for her for 2 weeks but she didn't come and pick me up. Hence I cried so much and one Friday, after the last class at Primary School, I walked to her house by myself without asking my father's permission. I walk there by my memories and when I came, my mother was so surprised. She was so worried because I was just 6 years old and I might be snap-kid or lost way. After that, while I was playing, my father suddenly came up and he was very angry. My parents quarrelled so badly and I did nothing except crying. I didn't want to go home with my father at all because I want to stay with my mother. Finally, I stayed with my mother and she brought me back to my father on Sunday evening. My parents told me couldn't do that again. I know both of them to love me and worry about me and I was a risk when I did like that. Later on, when my mother was too busy, she couldn't come to meet me and I just cried alone and waited for her to next time. So that was my sad memories of my childhood and I still remember the day evidently.
Hoa, when you write a conjunction, always remember to add a comma as in the case of "... some are happy, and some are sad". The same error exists in "... is quite unhappy, and I ..." along with "... 2 weeks, but she..." There are several other instances of the missing comma in relation to a conjunction in your essay which I am sure you can spot for yourself now that you have an idea of how the conjunction with a comma is used in sentence structures.  
  
In a written and oral speech, you must avoid using contractions in your presentation due to the formal nature of the discussion. In an academic and professional paper, it is never correct to say "didn't". It is always presented as "did not." Neither should you say "couldn't", it is always "could not". Also, since you are writing a speech that should be conveying animated emotions or reactions, use more descriptive adverbs such as "... my father came up and he was incredibly angry" since it offers a more emotional imagination of the scene than "... he was very angry." By the way, since you are recalling a vivid memory, you should say "I remember the day vividly" instead of "... day evidently." Evidently refers a way that is clear and understood but since you are describing the image of a scene, you should say vividly as it is more applicable as a descriptive adverb.  
  
Overall, the speech has potential. The listener will be able to make sense of the speech, provided you speak clearly and loudly so that you can be understood by the audience. This is not a bad effort at writing an English speech. I know you can show improvements in the future.
## ANTI-SOCIAL BEHAVIORS AND LACK OF RESPECT

  
  
IELTS WRITING TASK 2 **There is a general increase in anti-social behaviors and lack of respect for others. Causes and solutions?**  
  
There is a general growth in anti-social behaviors and disrespectful attitudes towards others. The objective of this essay is to present an overall view of the causes of this issue and propose several feasible solutions.  
  
Firstly, i am of the opinion that lack of love and poor judgement are two contributing factors of anti-social behaviors and disrespectful attitudes towards others. If people live in an environment where discrimination is the norm, they will have bad-mannered attitudes. For instance, in rural areas in Vietnam, males tend to disrespect females. Furthermore, behaviors being harmful to society may also stem from poor judgement. Specifically, the upbringing of a child without proper education and great role models could make this teenager fail to distinguish between right and wrong. For instance, a young individual being raised in a dysfunctional family sometimes has disrespectful attitudes towards others.  
  
A number of revolutions should be taken into consideration to address these unexpected behaviors First and foremost, the administration should raise the public's awareness of gender equality and a healthy way of living. Subsequently, in every family, parents should educate their offspring about table manners and follow them during their formative years. There is no denial that adolescent spend most time at schools, therefore teachers must pay attention to bad-mannered attitudes of students and help them distinguish right from wrong.  
  
To recapitulate, with the aforementioned ideas, i do affirm that two main causes of anti-social behaviors and disrespectful attitudes towards others are lak of love and poor judgement. Consequently, the above-mentioned ideas solutions are useful ways to mitigate this issue
*Hello, my name is Vaya and I am an IELTS student.  
I need feedback in the term of task response, coherence and cohesion, grammar, and lexical resource.*  
  
## to keep the animal stocks on land and in the sea in balance

  
  
**The animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land in the sea.  
What are the reasons and solutions?**  
  
The human activities on land in sea make some animal species are becoming extinct. The fishing activities who did aggressively by the sailors for food and the usage of reptile skins for the fashion industries become the main reasons for this problem. The captivity of the particular fish in the sea and the reptile for the fashion industries supply are the solutions for those of the main topic.  
  
The high demand of food consumption in some countries especially in Japan makes the sailors do the fishing activity aggressively. The Japanese habit makes the fish market always provide the fish stocks every time particularly for Salmon and Tuna fish. Surprisingly, The Japan Times reported that the number of Salmon and Tuna's as their primary food reached 880 tonnes per annum in 2014 and it made people in other parts region of this world asked Japan to limit their fishing activities.  
  
In the fashion industries sector, they prefer to use reptile skins as their favourite raw material especially from Python's snakes' skin. Most of them used the Python's skins from the forests in the South-East Asia countries such as Indonesia, Vietnam, and Cambodia. A large number of giant Python's population in Indonesia make this country become the biggest supplier of Python's skin for the high-level boutiques in this world. However, based on the local newspaper in Indonesia, the population of the wild Python were frequently decreased since 2010 while the sales price of this was cheap around 2 million Rupiah per kilogram. In fact, the giant Python size usually around 20 kilograms with 5 metres or each.  
  
To conclude, the limitation of fishing activities and reptile hunting's should be implemented as soon as possible to keep the animal stocks on land in the sea are the balance. Japan country should have their own breeding area in their sea, especially for Salmon and Tuna species. In addition, high-level fashion branded industries should have their own reptile captivity for their own raw material.
Vaya, you have not written this essay under realistic considerations. You have done actual research in an effort to create an impressive, based on knowledge essay. Since you will not have internet access at the exam center, since this test is pen and paper based, you are not practicing under a proper exam setting. You will not be able to write any essay topic response properly if you get used to doing research before writing your practice essay.  
  
Your knowledge regarding the topic is not as important as your ability to present simple and complex English sentence in the proper grammatical structure. That is actually the biggest problem of this essay presentation. It is confusing to read because of the improper sentence presentations. It also shows that you do not have the ability to properly structure even a simple sentence in English. Therefore, this essay will be scored severely low in terms of Coherence and Cohesiveness, Lexical Resource, and Grammar Range and Accuracy considerations. You might not be able to pass the test using this type of presentation.  
  
Work on improving your English sentence presentations. Do not write using internet research. Write using a timer set to 40 minutes to complete the task. You have the right idea for your presentation, it is just the English skill that is lacking at this point. Do not rely on non-existent tools at the exam center so that you can get a better idea of your actual essay writing skills.