dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial  
perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?**  
  
## Burdened Children

  
  
Today many children find themselves stressed out because of pressure from by schools, companies, and society. While reasons for this vary, we can take some actions to help kids remove their emotional baggage.  
  
A number of factors contribute to the pressure put on children in modern society. First of all, from the academic aspect, young students are forced by adults, such as teachers and parents, to study harder and get good grades. While this pressure is not intentionally harmful, it might create more anxiety for young students. Secondly, children can be abused by a huge crowd via social media. An innocent kid using Facebook can be attacked by Internet trolls and fall into depression, while the culprits remain at large. Regarding pressures caused by business, many children, who have no regular income, struggle to stifle their impulse to buy new and fancy things such as toys and clothing coming out every day. As a result, kids can feel disappointed if not satisfied, and in long term, this may lead to mental issues.  
  
There are some endeavours could be done to reverse this alarming situation. Adults should encourage children to take part in entertainment activities such as sports or singing to divert them from academic pressures. In addition, a punishment system should be introduced to keep hate speech at bay and keep cyberspace a safe place for teenagers. Finally, the government may restrict commercials that target children as a way to help them cope with insatiable desires.  
  
In conclusion, adults are responsible for the burdens put on kids today, and it is our job to make sure that every child has a carefree childhood.
Dan, while you are somewhat fluent in the English language, you apparently do not know the difference between formal English writing, which is the requirement for Task 2 essays, and casual (slang) English writing, which is never used in academic writing formats such as this test. Phrases such as "emotional baggage" are normally considered to be part of the slang side of the language. It is also incorrect to use that term in this essay because there are more than just excess emotional baggage required in the discussion. We are talking about pressure placed on children while excess baggage normally refers to "the feelings you have about your past and the things that have happened to you, which often have a negative effect on your behaviour and attitudes." You had the right idea but the wrong phrase used in this instance. Do not use English words, phrases, or colloquialisms unless you are absolutely sure of how it is used in a sentence and what the meaning of it is. Don't risk your LR and GRA score on it. Do not set out to impress, set out to clearly and coherently inform instead.  
  
Now, this is an essay that could use a 3 reasoning paragraph format. There was no need to simply place your discussion topics into one extremely long, but little explained paragraph. As I said before, the rule of thumb is one topic, properly explained per paragraph. In this instance 2 paragraphs could have been used to explain the reasons with one paragraph left to indicate a general measure to reduce the pressure on the children.  
  
It is because of these reasons that I can say your essay would have been better written if you had paid attention to the details which would have helped increase your score. Your trending problem in all your essays lies in your inability to create coherent and concise sentences and paragraphs. Work on that instead of constantly trying to show off your vocabulary. A good vocabulary and knowledge of English slang is useless if you cannot explain yourself properly so that other people can understand what you are trying to say.
I would like an opinion of the quality of the essay:  
  
## engaging kids in organized group activities

  
  
People are always looking at improving their children abilities and having the best in their lives. While some people think that it is essential for children to invest time on their own, I tend to agree with the argument that parents support their children to be involved in arranged group activities in their spare time.  
  
I would argue that children should learn how to spend time on their own in their free time is wrong. This is because children lack knowledge on how to manage their time. They would think that videos games, for example, are only the way to pass the time, which some parents have the same thought. This is not right also that spending time alone can isolate the child from activities happens around and increasing the feeling of being alone. The result of this is transforming to introvert personalities that have consequences of not joining some jobs in future such as marketing.  
  
On the other hand, I support the argument that parents encourage their children to engage in arranged activities that has many teens. The reason for this is that organized activities reinforce teamwork, which can be an important skill in the child's future. In addition, organized activities have an explorer that regularly looks for new talents that would be a serious matter for parents that their child can get a scholarship. For example, football is one of the means to learn how a goal is an effort of the whole team from the goalkeeper to striker which also important because explorers are always looking for talented players in younger ages. Therefore, football and other arranged group activities in the development of the child.  
  
In conclusion, although some people think that their children should learn to occupy themselves on their own, I believe engaging them in organized group activities in their spare time is better because it is an important aspect of the child development and turns away the feeling of isolation that can cause problems in the child's future.
**Some people claim that not enough of the waste from homes is recycled. They say that the only way to increase recycling is for governments to make it a legal requirement. To what extent do you think laws are needed to make people recycle more of their waste?**  
  
## the recycling policy

  
  
It is true that we are throwing away more than we recycled. Some people think that the only approach to this problem is to make recycling mandatory, but I believe that we could and should take further actions to reverse this trend.  
  
In my opinion, environmental laws against those who fail to recycle is a good solution to the problem. By introducing such regulations, people would be discouraged from irresponsibly dumping their refuse. For example, if the government impose heavy penalties on people who do not sort their waste as demanded, everybody will try their best not to be fined by obeying the sorting rules. As a result, there will be less waste not being recycled. Looking at the argument in this light, some may claim that laws are all we need to solve the problem.  
  
However, I do not agree that punishing people is the only solution we have. For one reason, it would be impossible to catch every law offender; so, such a punishment system is rather unrealistic. For example, households in my country throw their waste directly into a public bin, which makes it very difficult to determine who failed to obey the recycling regulations. Another reason is that it would be more effective if the government put education at the heart of its policy. For instance, children can learn about plastic waste at school, and how simple things such as canvas bags can reduce the amount of waste not being recycled. Such measures can help generate good recycling habits among the future generation, something that laws alone can hardly achieve.  
  
In conclusion, maybe we need to make recycling strictly required by laws, but this would not be the only way to cut down the volume of not recycled waste.
Dear @Tunanut,  
  
I have a few comments for your essay. Hopefully it helps.  
  
Firstly, I think you should clearly state what your opinion is. If you argue that law is not the only way, you better mention what is the best way in your opinion in the first paragraph. On your essay, I think you still write the abstract thing by said that people could take further actions without mention what the actions are.  
  
Secondly, in conclusion, i think you don't need to write "maybe", this indicates that you are not confidently stand in your opinion.  
  
Good luck!
Dan, you keep on making the same mistakes it seems. You are too focused on delivering your own idea of how to discuss these essays that you are always neglecting to follow the required format for the response creation. In this instance, you must provide your response to the question at the end of the opening paraphrase. It becomes your thesis statement and the basis for the whole opinion essay, which is why you cannot stick the direct response in the middle of the essay. You respond in the manner that the question is asked or the instruction provided. For a direct question, always respond at the end of the prompt paraphrase. That is being scored as part of your TA abilities.  
  
You must review the tense usage rules. Be consistent. You cannot use a current action, "throwing" to describe a past result, "recycled". The correct sentence presentation is "... throwing away more than we recycle". Use the current word form of the word. Make sure you understand the English writing rules and how to apply them in your writing. Mistakes in this section will severely affect your GRA score due to problematic sentence structures and grammar errors.  
  
Your essay would have been much stronger if you had properly placed your third paragraph as your second paragraph instead because that is more in line with the prompt requirements. The problem with this third paragraph is that it is trying to discuss too many topics in one paragraph, causing you to go over the maximum sentence count of 5. The topics presented do not go beyond being mere discussion points that lack an accurate development in terms of reasoning and supporting explanations. One topic per paragraph is enough as long as you show:  
  
1. A subject sentence  
2. A reasoning sentence  
3. A supporting sentence  
4 Example (optional)  
5. Transition sentence  
  
I mentioned the transition sentence your essay is very choppy in presentation. A smooth flowing discussion scores better when you show the reviewer that you are capable of using transition phrases or sentences to introduce succeeding topics. That is why you need to make sure that your discussions focus on one topic alone that you can use to introduce another topic.  
  
Your conclusion should be at least 3 sentences for maximum scoring. You cannot use the term "maybe" in this presentation because you are not continuing the discussion of a new opinion in the conclusion. There is a reason it is called the concluding summary. You are to present a second version of the opening paraphrase, this time focusing on the discussion points in reference to your opinion, which closes the discussion.
## that role of fathers should be emphasized

  
  
**Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Traditional points of view that nature grants sacred giving birth duty for only women, so the following children rearing task will be also belonged to them. I completely disagree with this opinion because I believe that the responsibility of paternity in bringing the children up should be increasingly emphasized.  
  
On the one hand, there are several reasons justify why not only women but also men need to have their duty to their children. Nowadays, women as well as men have to make ends meet in order to give their children a better life. Therefore, it is essential that fathers should share responsibility with mothers in bringing up and educating their sons and daughters. Besides, some people supposed that only when receiving love and care from both parents do their children grow up with the best personalities.  
  
On the other hand, there is no doubt that role of men in their family should be made emphatic nowadays. Firstly, it can't deny that men have a positive influence on their children's sense of industry, competence, and responsibility. Fathers can help their children to learn social skills more effectively than mothers do is a particular example to illustrate it. Also, children can know how to take responsibility of their actions from their strong fathers. Secondly, males have significant influence on their children's moral development by providing models for their children. If a father shows violent activities to his child, it will affect her personalities and emotions for sure.  
  
In conclusion, I openly advocate that role of fathers should be emphasized at the present time, also children need to receive love and care from both men and women in order to grow up comprehensively.
Trjnh, familiarize yourself with the use of indefinite articles. To be more precise, learn when you use "A" and when to use "AN". A is normally used when the word to be used after it starts with a consonant while the vowel ending ones use "an". In this essay, your indefinite article mistake was in the phrase "a example" which needs to be rewritten as "an example". While the rest of your sentence structures are not really perfect, these are more negligible in a sense as the mistakes will not impede the understanding of what you wrote so much. However, your GRA score may be affected by continued indefinite article, and other English grammar rules violations.  
  
Your paragraphs tend to be more in run-on sentence forms rather than complete sentences written in short but complex forms. Do not mistake long sentences, separated by commas or without commas for complex sentences. Most students make that mistake as they do not realize that they are writing run -on sentences instead. Each paragraph should be composed of only one topic sentence, fully developed in presentation over 3-5 sentences. That is the basic, unchanging rule for the Task 2 essay.  
  
Try your best to avoid memorized phrases such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand". Develop a topic sentence presentation for your first line in every paragraph instead. It is better for your score if you say "In these modern times, fathers are just as capable of raising children as women are." The second paragraph could say "Women may be the traditional people who raise children but men have shown that a man's presence is important in a child's life." By using topic sentences rather than comparison memorized phrases, you get an opportunity to increase your GRA score.  
  
By the way, you don't need to provide the reason for your disagreement in the paraphrase. That is a discussion better served in the body of paragraphs. Additionally, don't present a continued discussion in the concluding summary. There is a 5 paragraph maximum presentation for the Task 2 essay and the last paragraph is always used as the concluding summary that restates the prompt, discussion topics, and your opinion. It is not meant to create a continuing discussion as that creates an open ended essay, that lowers your TA scoring potential as you were unable to restate your own discussion, as required by the scoring considerations, at the end of the essay.
*Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.*  
  
## foreign language knowledge can help those who will use it

  
  
The reasons to learn a new language are obvious to people who travel abroad or work overseas. While some claim that foreign languages can also be advantageous in other circumstances, I believe that they are only beneficial to the group mentioned above, as will now be discussed.  
  
On the one hand, there are reasons to learn a new language other than to function normally in a foreign country. Firstly, people can use their language skills to broaden their global culture understanding by watching movies produced overseas. Secondly, knowing foreign languages enables us to read the news in other countries. For example, many readers in Vietnam used Weibo to keep themselves updated with stories and events happening in China.  
  
On the other hand, I believe that only those who travel to a foreign country for money or entertainment should learn a new language. Like any skill, language skills can be weakened if not usually utilized. Those not travelling nor working overseas are less likely to use foreign languages regularly and therefore, should not spend their time learning something they may soon forget. Also, to master a new language is extremely arduous and daunting, meaning that one must devote huge amounts of time and dedication to sharpen language skills. Thus, only those who have a serious need of using a new language should put themselves up to such a challenge. Otherwise, doing so may not be helpful.  
  
In conclusion, knowing a new language can help us do spectacular things such as exploring exotic cultures and reading foreign news. However, I hold the view that for those who are not travelling abroad or working in a foreign firm in the future, learning new languages could be a waste of time and energy, as explained in this essay.
Dan, you have totally changed the prompt discussion for this essay from a comparative public point of view discussion with a personal analysis at the end to a totally personal opinion based essay. Your prompt instructions paraphrase did that when this happened:  
  
*Original prompt: Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.  
Your Prompt: I believe that they are only beneficial to the group mentioned above, as will now be discussed.*  
  
What happened to the comparison discussion requirement? Remember, you have to point out the original instructions, in your own words as part of the prompt paraphrase. The paraphrase should have been:  
  
*I will be presenting my personal opinion regarding this topic after I have studied the two popular opinions regarding foreign language learning.*  
  
You became too focused on the "I" aspect of the discussion that you neglected to properly identify the required discussion. Which is why you did not discuss both public opinions first before jumping into your personal opinion. You are lacking one paragraph in this 5 paragraph essay (3 reasoning paragraphs) which clearly and concisely presents a believable discussion of the presented opinions, reasons, and discussion points per paragraph.  
  
Rather than using the memorized phrases "on the one hand" and "on the other hand" for a comparative discussion, you will score higher when you reference to discussion party instead in the form of "People who believe that language learning is only for travel..." and "Considering the point of view of others who look to other reasons for learning languages..." as some other methods of referring to public points of view. Do you see the difference? My version allows you to better increase your TA, LR, and GRA scoring potential. Your version limits yourself to only the lower scoring bracket.
## women at work in the uk

  
  
The bar chart illustrates the percentage of women unemployed in the four countries of the United Kingdom from 2013 to 2014.  
  
It is clear that the majority of female unemployment rates in England and in Scotland in both years. Also, there was a slight decrease in the rate of women unemployed from 2013 to 2014, except in Scotland.  
  
In each of the years shown on the chart, England was the greatest percentage of unemployed women in 2013, with 6.8%, and this fell by 0.3% in 2014. Interestingly, there was a steady increase in the figure of women out of work in Scotland from 6.1% in 2013 to 6.7% in 2014 and Scotland became the highest female unemployment rate of the four countries.  
  
Between 2013 and 2014, the figure of women unemployment in Wales was fallen by 0.4%, while there was a decrease of around 1% of unemployed women in Northern Ireland, so Northern Ireland improved female unemployment rates more than the other countries.  
  
\*\*Please help me check this essay, if grammar and sentences are mistaken or strange, please correct them. Thank you in advance.  
  
*
Shuying, the main problem with your analytical essay is not in the grammar structure nor the presentation. The problem is in the discussion presentation. While your discussion is acceptable enough, you are not accurately delivering the summary overview, trending statement, and number of sentences required per paragraph. While you did meet the 4 paragraph presentation, your sentences were mostly limited to one of two sentence presentations at the most. The minimum requirement per paragraph is actually 3 sentences with a maximum of 5 per paragraph. This allows you to deliver an analysis of the information rather than simply an enumeration of the information, which is what you did for most of this essay.  
  
The summary overview lacks a clear reference to the areas in England that were included in the chart measurement field. You also neglected to indicate the measurement type which was in percentage. Your trending statement is incorrect as there can only be one reference in that statement. Either you indicate the measurement at the highest point or its lowest point. There is no trend indicated when you present both the high and the low. That is a comparison sentence, not a trending statement.