dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Topic:  
***Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions.  
Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair.***  
## Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

  
  
It is popular that famous athletes these days receive an excessively higher income than people who work in other pivotal sectors of society. Some people believe this is completely fair, while others think it is unjustified. From my point of view, I am in favor of the former opinion.  
  
Obviously, the professionals such as teachers and doctors play an indispensable role in human society whose perfectly respectable occupations in life. Without their existence, society would become illiterate and prone to disease. However, in most countries around the world, their salaries are basically in a specific salary tier given by the government to ensure the approachable ability of all citizens. This means to say, these jobs provide the social underlying needs and an extent to which their salaries could be payable by the society. Should their salaries exceed the people's needs, the likelihood of social disparity becomes realistic.  
  
On the other hand, there are several evidences to explain why famous sports players deserve higher salaries than professionals. Firstly, becoming a successful sports player is a process of devotion and tough training. They have to physically undergo strenuous practices and maintain a day-to-day strict diet to keep their body and mind perfect. For example, Cristiano Ronaldo is one of the best football players and the highest-paid players in the world, who has to keep his body at zero fat in order to have the best stamina and body fit throughout his career. It means that the famous athletes stretch to the limit to which most people may not reach and what they sacrificed for sport is financially worthwhile. Secondly, the successful athletes powerfully attract a huge number of fans. Therefore, the broadcasting rights of their games and brands' advertising campaigns generate enormous income to famous players. Finally, their sporting career has a shorter lifespan than any occupation in society. Most physical sport players usually retire after they get over the age of thirty due to physical decline. Moreover, there is a risk of injury when those players frequently take part in a harsh competition which may destroy their career quickly.  
  
In conclusion, although important professionals such as teachers and doctors are essential to society, the higher salaries received by famous athletes should be respectfully and widely recognized by people.
## IELTS WRITING TASK 1: news sources in Germany

  
  
Subject: The pie charta show the first place Germans and Nigerians go to in order to access the news in a typical week.  
  
The two given pie charts show the main sources of getting news in a typical week in two different nations, the Germans and Nigerians. The two country demonstrate the principal methods to access the current affairs, in Nigerians where TV is chosen one of people while newspaper is most popular in Germany.  
  
One of the most significant features of data is that, while in Nigeria over two thirds of people watch news on TV, in Germany this figure is just under one third and at second place. In Germany, almost half people reading newspaper in order to reach the current affairs but it's only 13% in Nigeria and nearly at last .One major difference, the Internet is the third idea to approach from outside the world, it's 11% in Germany while it's smallest figure in Nigeria, only 1%. It suggests that the Radio is the last chose to Germans, the number of this way is only 10%, but is the second method in Nigeria, just over one fifths.  
  
In conclusion, it can be seen that the high levels of TV and Radio use in Nigeria shows that the other methods such as Internet and Newspaper is less than in German.  
  
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in two different nations, the Germans and Nigerians  
There are the citizens of the respective countries, not the names of the countries. The 2 pie charts refer to the citizens of the nations. This is an LR and GRA wor that will cause deductions to be applied.  
  
In conclusion,  
A task 1 essay is not concluded. 2 reporting paragraphs with a closing sentence in the last paragraph will suffice.  
  
The writer does not use the minimum 3 paragraph presentation requirement. That would be one paragraph for each nation. This falls under a TA deduction.  
  
[quote=LiemLe]The two ~~country[~~/quote]  
Countries, plural form of country. The writer must review his grammar lessons to familiarize himself with wiling rules and structures. Boulding his vocabulary and word meaning knowledge is a must as he shows severe word usage shortcomings and errors.
You should fix some mistakes:  
1*.[i]two countries*  
2. ~~of~~ the people because using **expressing quantity** with **of**, you need determiners following.  
3. you should add **article** before newspaper. -> a newspaper is....  
reading the newspaper  
-> above sentence use a newspaper because you mention newspaper in the first time  
4.it's the smallest figure in Nigeria ( **the superlatives comparison**)  
5.chose => chose to-> choice for  
6. this **the high levels** sentence is subject, so you should write **show** instead of *shows*
***In some cultures, children are told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough.***  
## What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

  
  
There is a message that children are able to reach every goal by making enough effort. While it not only makes children persistent people but also inspires them, a drawback, particularly pressure, should also be taken into consideration.  
  
On the one hand, some people told children that hard work helps children to make every dream come true because of some benefits. First, undoubtedly, children are likely to become more persistent when they are encouraged to try hard to reach anything. By realizing that everything takes much time and effort to reach, they will not give up when getting failures. Moreover, children who make serious attempts to achieve goals set a good example for the same-aged. An example is Joseph Schooling who had spent his teenage years practicing swimming professionally to surpass his idol Michael Phelps and won a gold medal in 2016, which is a motivator to children, particularly those who have a passion for the sport.  
  
On the other hand, holding a belief in this message, children are under great pressure, which is also a downside. There is no doubt that children will feel stressed when they have to try as hard as possible to reach lots of different goals. My cousin, for example, studies with a hectic schedule to get good scores in all subjects in order to fulfill his parent's high expectations. Therefore, he has less time to relax, feels extremely stressed and worried when he does not perform well in exams. Moreover, making every effort to be good at all subjects, he cannot exactly know what his strength is.  
  
In conclusion, the message to children emphasizing the need of working hard to be successful brings some advantages and puts great pressure on them
Undoubtedly and "there is no doubt" have the same meaning. It is best to avoid redundant references in the essay because, as the words convey the same idea, there tends to be a conflict within the statements provided. The lack of doubt should exist for one only of the two points of view. When there is a lack of doubt in one statement, a reference to doubt should be made in reference to the next idea that is counter to the first. It would be better if the writer does not refer to factual vocabulary instead since it is not necessary to give a conviction for this statement. There is no reference to the writer needing to convey his opinion on either matter in the discussion instruction. So words of strong opinion (undoubtedly, there is no doubt) are not required to create a strong A v. D discussion. The representations are convincing enough, even as there are some word usage errors in the presentation. These errors ( samed aged v same age) do not confuse the meaning of the sentence.
## The graph below shows the number of university graduates in Canada from 1992 to 2007.

  
***Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.***  
  
The number of students graduating from university in Canada in a period of 15 years is vividly depicted in the line chart given, starting from 1992.  
  
From the graph, it is obviously that the figures of both male and female graduates in Canada from 1992 to 2007 experienced an upward trend. Moreover, female graduates outnumbered male ones.  
  
Starting in 1992, Canada had approximately 70,000 males who got their university diplomas. This number then increased to about 75,000 and went down slightly to just over 70,000 in 1999. From 2001, more male students completed their course at the university, the number growing significantly from 72,000 in 2001 to 98,000 in 2007.  
  
Nearly 100,000 Canadian females were awarded with a degree for completing their course at the university in 1992. This number then went up to about 102,000 in 1996 and declined to exactly 100,000 in 1997. From 1997 to 1999, it remained stable before it started to surge dramatically from the year 2000 and finally reached its peak at just below 150,000.  
  
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Avoid exaggerated references such as "vividly depicted". This is an academic or professional report. Keep the tone formal and use only relevant wording in the report presentation. Do not use creative writing references as these tend to reduce the formality of the presentation. The use of the word "obviously" is also out of place in this essay for the very same reason. Additionally, the writer should assume that the reader / examiner will not have access to the image / cannot view the image, so references to what is seen clearly in the image should not be made. These references should be clear, without making the reader feel "dumb" or stressed out due to confusion, if instances do not allow the reader to view the image along with the report.
## children under pressure

  
  
Being successful is a beautiful dream for everyone. Especially under the standard of modern socialize , most of parent always want their child become a talented person. While pushing pressure on the kids is one of the best way to give them the motivation to study hard for bright future, it's only worked when they realize the things they can earn from their efforts.  
  
People said that parent are the ones who always want the best for their kids, that might be the reason why parent usually force their child to study hard. Easily understand that if parent became older, they would not take care of their child anymore. Therefore, they want the child can be stronger enough to face with every obstacle when parent are not by their side. Besides, in Asia, the conception of children have to take care of their parent when they get older is very popular in social mindset. For that reason, the child has put a lot responsible not only for them self but also for their family which was raised them. Moreover, in the future the Asian child will have their own family. In facts, they have to striven double compare to Western child to take on all the responsibility.  
  
In another hands, being under pressure give children the chances to practicing the endurance skill so that in the future they can be suitable to work under pressure. If parent could soon find out the talent feature of the child and orientation the child on the right way, the pressing they put on their child will not being wasted. But the most important things is the child has to realize the benefit they have received when they live under the pressure of their parent. In reverse, the child will feel dissatisfied with parent suggestion and all advising of parent will have negative effect on their child.  
  
In conclusion, creating hope on children is an excellent idea for the maturing of the child but it should be done with the mentality understanding of parent for their child. In that way, the pressure can have a positive effect on the child's growth
The restatement, reason, and s statement is not accurate. The writer failed to deliver an original topic based restatement. He also did not provide direct answers to the questions. in fact, he even totally avoided responding to the last question. The score for the paragraph will be in the failing range, making it difficult to predict if he will get a passing overall score.  
  
Grammar issues abound in the essay ranging from plural sentence formation, proper sentence structuring, and vocabulary usage. The miter tris his best to avoid these enors but this English writing skills are not strong enough for him to do so at this point. I will however, acknowledge this effort.  
  
He understands the topic and how to discuss it. Further grammar rules learning and sentence exercises can help him sharpen his skills and correct his grammar rules misunderstanding.
## The chart and graph below give information about participants who have entered the Olympics since it began.

  
  
so here's my essay:  
The bar chart and line graph illustrates the number of athletes who participated the Olympics from 1924 to 2012.  
In summary, the number of male and female athletes in the Olympics increased significantly through the years and the number of participants had a substantial increase.  
  
As can be seen from the bar chart, in 1924, the figure for male participants stood at 3000 people, while there were hardly any women entered the game. There was a considerably increase in the number of men and female next 60 years. In 1952, the figure for male climbed to 4500 people, but female increased slowly about 500 people. In 1984, the figure for female increased more 1000 people than of 1952 and the number of male athletes witnessed a dramatically increase about 700 people. In 2012, the figure for men reached its highest point of 6000 people, twice that of 1924. Meanwhile there was a considerable growth in the number of female participating in Olympics to 4800 people  
  
Regarding the line graph, in 1924, there were about 3000 people attending this sport event, then it went up steadily in 60 years, it stood at 6500 athletes in 1984. In 2012, the number of participants peaked at 11000 people, five times higher than the figure for 1924.  
  
That's my essay. ^^ i am thankful for anyone's feedback for me. thank you very much and have a good day!  
  
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The bar and line charts indicate 2 different and specific data representations that are not interchangeable. Therefore, the data identification must be specific for each one. Otherwise, the image data identification is incorrect when specific data requirements are considered for the TA section. The difference cannot be identified in the trending statement.  
  
The writer over analyzed the bar chart and under analyzed the line graph.There should have an equally balanced presentation of 3-5 sentences per paragraph. Kindly remember that the score for this essay is heavily based on the analytical abilities of the exam taker. It appears that the writer has difficulty studying line graphs so he should do more line graph analysis exercises.
This is the first time I practice for the IELTS exam, I find it hard to structure and detail my idea. Hope I will receive your feedbacks, believe I will learn a lot from that.  
  
***Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology, and business.***  
  
## Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the arts?

  
  
Art holds a vital key to time-honoured culture across the globe. A generation ago, a range of human activities involved creativity, while in this day and age, a growing number of people are more attracted to science, technology, and business instead of the arts. This essay will detail two main reasons why art is undervalued and then propose several suggestions.  
  
To commence, digital evolution is one of the significant factors that explain the downward interest in artistry. The advent of technology, together with the fast-paced world, makes life more competitive, forcing people to live in a hurry, even up to ears with work. They, as a matter of course, result in the cascade of concentration on other trivial and insignificant activities such as creating visual, auditory, and performing artifacts. Another reason is that art appreciation requires more than normal senses; instead, artistic sense. For generations, perceiving art has never been easy to most people inasmuch as every artwork contains more meanings than its external display. Those high demands of art perception unintentionally cause humans' fear of their limited artistic understanding, leading to their misconception of artwork meaning or the judgment of others on their weakness. Thus, instead of focusing on the arts, some individuals would rather turn their interests on something less complicated.  
  
Some simple measures should be implemented to persuade people to appreciate the arts again. Firstly, the most pivotal approach is that art store owners, together with the federal assistance, should endorse the importance of the arts through promotional campaigns on media platforms or propose some art activities to involve visitors in creating artworks. Take Bat Trang's pottery as an example; visitors here can not only learn pottery knowledge but also make their own. Indeed, these tactics will gain popularity, which in turn encourage numerous people to go back into the arts. Secondly, leaders of every nation must consider building more art galleries. This would allow more artists to display their artworks to be recognized by visitors. Also, there is a huge possibility that their masterpiece will be bought.  
  
In conclusion, it is arguably true that, due to some reasons, most people do not value the essence of the arts in their lives these days, but a plethora of solutions could be adopted to tackle this issue. Furthermore, humans should together take action to enrich and preserve these precious arts values to offspring by cherishing and upgrading what they have had.
This essay will detail two main reasons  
Please use a thesis statement here. That would be 2 sentences composed of 1 response each. These topic outline presentation sentences will increase the TA score in terms of logic and clarity. Simply repeating the writing instructions has no score increasing effect on the presentation.  
  
To commence,  
Some simple measures should be implemented  
These are topic placement holders taught to students in school. It shouldnot be used in the actual test. The examiner will expect topic sentence usage references at the start of the paragraph. The topic sentences have a direct G R A scoring relationship as well as C + C considerations.  
  
it is arguably true tha  
This is the summary conclusion. The writer cannot make any more opinion claims / presentations here as it is only a recap of the previous paragraphs.
## chocolate production

  
  
The diagram illustrates the process of producing chocolate from cacao trees.  
  
Overall, there are ten main stages involved in this process, beginning with the cacao trees being grown to collect raw materials and finishing with the beans being pressed into the final liquid products.  
  
To begin with, in South America, Africa or Indonesia, trees called cacao are cultivated in order to collect their ripe red pods, which are harvested in the second stage. After that, these pods are cut to collect the white cocoa beans inside them, followed by the fermentation step. Those fermented beans are dried by spreading in the sun in the next step prior to being divided into numbers of large sacks.  
  
The process continues with trans or lorries delivering those sacks to the factory. There, beans are roasted with high-temperature (350 degree) before being crushed. After removing the outer shell in the crushing stage; finally, the remaining parts are pressed to make liquid chocolat.  
  
Thank you for correcting my essay. Have a good day!  
  
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The diagram  
What kind of diagram? It is a drawing that explains a process, an illustration. This is more accurately identified as an illustrative diagram. Familiarize yourself with the actual image names used in the task 1 essays.  
  
ten main stages  
Nope. There are 4 main stages in a 10 step process. Look at how the illustrative diagram is divided. Count the sections. Then, count the steps. These are what comprise the manufacturing process.  
  
beans are roasted with high-temperature (350 degree) before  
Roasted where ? An open flame? An oven? Where ? Where information is incomplete, C + C scores will be deducted.  
  
~~[quote=Miyas]; finally[/quote~~]  
A simple comma would have worked best here, without the word " finally ".  
  
The writer has a problem properly identifying procedures and key procedure points. Task accuracy is a major reporting problem.
***A country should spend money on skills training or vocational training for practical work, rather than on university education.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
It is argued by some people that national authorities should allocate funding to vocational training instead of tertiary education. I disagree with this view, for however important practical skills may be, education provided in university is also equally indispensable.  
  
On the one hand, vocational training is vital to both individuals and society. For instance, courses that teach students practical knowledge provide them with more opportunities in the future. Mastering this type of skills enable young people to directly put them into practice, which in many cases, can help them easily find a suitable job. Therefore, priotizing resources on vocational training can be one viable solution to the urgent problem of unemployment in many countries.  
  
On the other hand, simply dismissing the importance of university education would be misguided for many reasons. Firstly, by studying in universities, students are equipped with a wide range of professional knowledge, preparing them for a career later in life. A lack of sufficient government funding will not allow universities to improve the quality of their education, hindering the intellectual development of students. Secondly, if the government does not allocate expenditure on universities, teacher wages will not be improved. With underpaid teachers having always been a serious problem, professors in universities will not be able to receive the financial incentives that they deserve if there is a lack of funding.  
  
In conclusion, while vocational training plays an important role in society and indeed should be funded by the states, governments should spend money on university education as well, for it is equally crucial to the development of a country.
The key phrase that needs to be represented in the response is "to what extent". While the writer produced a strong and accurate restatement. the response format needs the phrase," to the extent that" to represent a general degree of support for a given statement. "To the extent that" is the perfect measured response as it solidly leads into the reasoning topic. It shows a logical thought process in terms of topic analysis during the drafting process. It increases the TA score.  
  
Do not use a comparative analysis for this essay. Rather use 2 reasons that would show "the extent" of the validity of your opinion. Convince the reader that the reasons you present are valid up to a certain point. Consider the opposing view and focus on disproving it using "the extent" of the accuracy of your opinion.