dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Nicoel, you should aim for clear and concise writing at all times. Do not try to meet the word count by using more words, that will not help increase your scores. Instead, discuss your paragraphs using clear words that show an advanced grasp of the English language. Rather than saying "are now able to", go for the short but clear alternative "can now buy goods..." The increase in your score does not come from a high word usage, it comes from how well you are able to express yourself clearly in English using the proper words.  
  
Now, you created a prompt deviation in your discussion. Remember, the question being asked is:  
  
... to what extent do the benefits of this development outweigh the problem?  
  
Therefore, the response to the question is:  
  
*The advantages presented by this shopping situation far outweighs the possible negative effects.*  
  
There is no need for an apostrophe after the word "countries", you are merely presenting the plural form of country, you are not making an ownership statement which is when the apostrophe is often used. You have also misrepresented a word in that you referred to "standers" when you meant to say "Standards." Please develop your English vocabulary so that you will not make mistakes in word usage and references in the future. These will have a direct deductible effect on your LR score. Also, "geometric" is a term related to geometry measurements. Your term should have been "geological" which means land location. There are several other word usage errors in this essay that create confusion and stress when reading your essay. This will result in a lower GRA score.  
  
Now, it is not my duty to explain each and every word mistake in your essay so let me just say this, always refer to a dictionary when writing your practice test to make sure you are using the correct word for the sentiment you wish to convey. If possible, make the English dictionary your bible, your bedtime reading. That is the best way to familiarize yourself with English words and its meanings. Read it from cover to cover until you have the words and meanings memorized by heart.  
  
I cannot continue to review your essay at this point because of the problems with your word usage. I strongly suggest that you do better with word usage in your next practice test. Do not try to use words you are unsure of, just use words you are sure means what you want to say. Otherwise, you risk failing due to C&C, LR, and GRA problems.  
  
Let me close on this note instead. You are allowed a maximum of 5 paragraphs for any given Task 2 discussions. If you feel that you can cover 5 paragraphs for a given discussion then that is alright. It will even increase your scoring considerations overall because you get to show your English writing skills to a greater extent. While this could have been done in 4 paragraphs, 5 is not a problem in terms of presentation. That choice, regarding the paragraph count is left to the discretion of the writer. As long as you write a minimum of 2 reasoning paragraphs, your reasoning considerations will be fine and acceptable to the examiner.
Hi, I think the main problem is the way you write the thesis statement. The question is "to what extent do the benefits of this development outweigh the problem?" but instead of saying "how much" the benefits outweigh the problems, you state that this is a positive trend. This would make you lose score in TA because you do not precisely satisfy all the requirements of the topic.  
  
Another point to consider is that the grammar structure you used. In GR Criteria, using a variety of complex sentences is essential. What I can see from your essay is that you used a lot of complex structures, but most of them are too complicated. You just need to write a clear and simple complex setence, which combines two or three clauses. By having more than four clauses in a single sentence, you could easily make mistakes.
Would be grateful to have this essay reviewed. Thanks.  
  
Topic:Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
  
It is believed by some people that the traffic congestion and air pollution problem can be solved by increasing the price of fossil fuels for cars. I do not agree with this opinion because there are several other effective ways we can take to deal with those problems.  
  
Advocate argued that price increases can reduce the use of private cars and relief the pollution problem for two reasons. The price-sensitive drivers tend to give up using cars as their choice of vehicle to commute or travel around. As the number of cars decreased, the traffic jam would be relived as well. Additionally, the fume comes from private cars, which using fossil-fuel as power, is the major source of air pollution in modern cities. Reduce the use of them can improve the quality of the environment.  
  
However, I believe that there are other ways we can promote to achieve the goal mentioned above. Firstly, the government can invest more money in providing more effective traffic system by designing bus only lines and encouraging people to use public transportation by giving a discount on fees. Secondly, the innovation and invention on vehicles that powered by new energy, such as wind, sun and water energy should be promoted and encouraged. For example, authorities can issue a tax refund to those companies. Finally, society is equally responsible to launch campaigns to raise the awareness of people for protecting the environment.  
  
In occlusion, increasing the cost of driving private cars is a possible way to reduce the using of them thus protects the environment and relief the traffic problem. But I do not agree that it is the best way to do so because we have much better ways to do so, such as promoting new energy cars and investing in better traffic systems.  
  
Words: 296
Paimar, your response to the "extent" portion of the essay only lacks the degree of measurement in order to create the proper response statement. You could have said that you "totally agree", "wholeheartedly (dis)agree". "fully (dis)agree", "(dis)agree to the highest extent", "(dis)agree without question", and other variations thereof that show the measurement of your belief in the given statement. Without that reference your response is only partially correct as you would have converted this from a single point of view measured response essay to a simple single point of view response essay. Those are two different essay response formats. You need the "extent response" for this one.  
  
Now, in this type of essay, you are not being asked a direct question, therefore a direct response is not required. You are required to only paraphrase the prompt and respond to the given question, without any reasoning provided due to the lack of discussion space. The discussion subjects must be presented in the next 2-3 reasoning paragraphs. The number of reasons presented (2 or 3) will depend upon the extent of your knowledge of the discussion topic.  
  
You have a problem with singular / plural references in this essay. You mention "advocate" but then use plural references throughout the paragraph, which means you are referring to the plural form "advocates", not the singular reference. Along with this problem, you also present a lack of understanding as to when to use the present form of a discussion as opposed to a part form of presentation. For this essay, I am unsure as to whether you wanted to stick to a present or past time frame. These problems all have a direct effect on your GRA score due to grammatical problems and sentence structure problems.  
  
There is also the LR problem in your essay. Occlusion means any one of the following:  
-the blockage or closing of a blood vessel or hollow organ.  
-the momentary closure of the passage of breath during the articulation of a consonant.  
-a process in which the cold front of a rotating low-pressure system overtakes the warm front, forcing the warm air upward above a wedge of cold air.  
  
-the position of the teeth when the jaws are closed.  
  
None of the above definitions apply to what you were trying to say in that phrase. You used the wrong word / term / vocabulary in this instance. You meant to use the word "conclusion" which means:  
  
-the end or finish of an event or process.  
-a judgment or decision reached by reasoning.  
  
Both of the above definitions apply to what you were trying to say and do in that paragraph which was, to end the essay discussion. Mistakes like these will have a direct effect on the lowering of your LR score. Be careful. Don't just use words because "it sounds right" to use it. Make sure the word you are using has the meaning you wish to convey. Don't risk points deductions based on avoidable reasons. I urge you to build up your English vocabulary and also, develop an understanding of the most common words used in essay writing to avoid a repeat of this mistaken word usage in the future.
Hi, I think the main problem of your essay is the essay structure. In specific, you did not fully satisfy the requirements of TA criteria. The question is "To what extent do you agree or disagree" but what you did is a direct response. In this type of question, you have to show "how much" you agree or disagree. Based on the body paragraphs, I can see that you partly agree with the question. Make sure that you have to give a clear and correct thesis statement in the introduction paragraph.
**Some parents forbid young children from owning smart phones (cell phones with Internet access), while others disagree and believe that they are important tools for keeping in touch. Which point of view do you think is better, and why?**  
  
## young children and smartphones

  
  
Phones are a must in the current day and age. But are smart phones a must have for young children?. Personally, I believe that parents should not permit young children to own smart phones. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following paragraphs.  
  
To begin with, young children do not possess the maturity to understand the pros and cons of possessing a smart phone. They get addicted to it. Young children instead of interacting with their friends or completing their assignments spend majority of their time after school hours on smart phones. For instance, my uncle's son, who owns a Google nexus phone, spends most of his time playing games and surfing the internet rather than on his studies. He spends a huge amount of time on social media such as facebook and twitter rather than interacting with his parent's or friends at home. This has negatively affected his grades. He is also becoming a couch potato and does not exercise or play games. Earlier when he did not own the phone he used to play football with his friend in the park near his home and also achieved better grades in his school assignments. He was also socially more interactive with his peers and parent's earlier.  
  
Secondly, Young children require only a basic feature phone, which can only be used to make calls and send text. It is required by them for the purpose of keeping in touch and contacting their parents in case of emergencies. My own experience is a compelling example of this. I used to own an basic feature phone during my school days which I used for contacting my parents or my friends. It did not possess any games and so I never wasted my time using it. It did not have any negative impact on my grades and I had a good friends circle with whom i used to interact on a daily basis.  
  
In conclusion, I strongly believe that parents should forbid young children from owning smart phones due to availability of basic feature phones for contact and children's lack of maturity.
I have read through your essay and unless there is a word limit, I think your essay is short. For an opinion essay, I think it is better to have a structure in mind.  
  
- Introduction  
Write a background statement about the topic.  
"In this present day, owning a phone is considered to be a necessity because access to information is only a click away. With a smartphone, there is almost no limit to what a person can do. Mobile banking, booking an appointment, keeping in touch with family and friends, e-commerce, receiving traffic updates are just a few of the numerous benefits of owning a phone. Despite these, there seem to be conflicting views as to whether or not parents should allow their children own smartphones. This essay will discuss both views and take a position on which is considered to be the better of the two." - This is just an example, you do not have to copy word for word. It should serve as a guide.  
  
- Paragraphs 1, 2, 3, .... n  
- Opening sentence  
- Reason/Supporting sentence: Here you are just going to stress the main idea of the paragraph you stated in the opening sentence.  
- Evidence: You could give examples  
- Closing: Make efforts to link it back to the opening sentence.  
  
Basically, with this format, you will be discussing one idea in each paragraph. The number of paragraphs you will have will depend on the number of ideas you have.  
  
- Conclusion  
Stress your introduction again by paraphrasing it.  
  
Because you are required to give an opinion, you could end with "In my opinion, xxxxxxxxxxxxxx"  
  
I hope I have been able to help you out.  
  
Kind regards.
You wrote too many words for the Task 2 essay. The ideal, owing to editing requirements, is only within 250-300 words with 275 words being the most acceptable word count when considering the editing requirements. Use a timer next time you practice writing. You will see that you cannot complete over 300 words when writing under pressure.  
  
The prompt you were provided with is a "direct question and response" prompt. As such, this is the only Task 2 essay that will allow you to begin your discussion within the prompt paraphrase. Therefore, rather than saying that you feel this way due to 2 reasons, you should instead, be indicating which point of view you think is better and why. So after saying that you agree that parents should not allow children to own smartphones, you should present the 2 reasons why that is so. The presentation should be:  
  
*... own smartphones. First because children are not mature enough to understand how to properly use a smartphone and second, children should only be allowed to use basic phone features for calling and texting.*  
  
After the complete presentation of your opinion as an overview response, you can use the next 2 reasoning paragraphs as you did in the essay that you wrote, to support the reasoning response you gave in the paraphrase.  
  
You properly opened each paragraph with a subject sentence. That is good. You automatically showed the examiner that there is a clear topic to be discussed in each paragraph. The problem, is that you need to present that within only 5 sentences. No more than that or you will lose time for reviewing and editing your handwritten essay. The 5 sentences should cover:  
  
1. Topic introduction (you already do this)  
2. Supporting reason  
3. Example  
4. Explanation of example (optional)  
5. Transition sentence (to introduce the next paragraph topic)  
  
The above paragraph discussion content is applicable to all Task 2 essays, regardless of whether it is the 4 paragraph or 5 paragraph essay format. Your concluding summary is incomplete. The concluding summary must always include, for a Task 2 essay:  
  
1. A repeat of the discussion prompt  
2. Subject sentence 1  
3. Subject Sentence 2  
4. Personal Opinion  
5. Closing sentence (optional)  
  
Overall, you have written a very good essay that has mistakes which can easily be avoided in the future once you learn to properly format your essay discussions and control your content presentation. Overall, this is a very good first attempt at Task 2 essay writing.
## causes and effect of illiteracy on society

  
  
*Illiteracy has traditionally been viewed as largely a third world problem.  
However, it is becoming apparent that in countries such as the USA and Australia, illiteracy is on the increase.  
Discuss possible causes for this and its effect on society.*  
  
Answer  
Illiteracy has been considered as a huge problem which affects the development of the world especially poor countries. However, in recent years, it has been becoming a major concern of developed countries in western areas such as the USA and Australia. In this essay, I will present some causes and consequences of illiteracy to the whole society.  
  
First of all, finance is probably one of the primary reasons leading to illiteracy. Difficult living conditions together with high tuition fee are putting pressures on poor families. As a result, children have to drop out of school to earn money to support their families despite the incompletion of educational levels. Another reason can result from a shortage of books at home and stimulation as to the importance of reading. Thanks to technology, these days, everyone could be accessible easily to any source of books but most people usually spend their time on surfing the Internet or playing games. According to the United Nations, one adult in three in the world could not read, write or do a simple sum in writing.  
  
Illiteracy has an detrimental impact on the improvement of current society . The gross domestic product of any country is highly affected by literate rate. The growth rate is greatly slowed down as the number of adults with low literacy proficiency increases. Therefore, this can hold down a society by preventing it from growing. Furthermore, there is a significant growth in the rate of unemployment of illiterate people. For example, in Germany, there are 23.000 adults attending literary course annually. Some 69% of them are unskilled male workers.  
  
In conclusion, illiteracy is undeniably an overwhelming issue to deal with. Governments and everyone should take actions and find urgent solutions to tackle the problem.
**I need your hand to review my writing. Obviously, this is IELTS writing task 2**  
  
**The animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land in sea.  
What are the reason and solutions?**  
  
## animal habitats are destroyed

  
  
The number of extinct animal species increases over and over again because of human activities on earth. Habitat loss and industrial waste beget this issue, while building imitated niche and obtaining penalty to culprit should be accomplish by local government.  
  
Losing habitat prompts the extinction of animal species day-by-day. Nowadays, people have a tendency to be competitive in industrial purpose, and this results in the construction in wild forest such as cutting down trees in order to broad. In another word, they have been destroying animal habitat inadvertently. Admittedly, industrial waste also causes such trend. Due to the demand of human needs such as food, animal species may no longer exist if the irresponsible culprits expend the unnecessary tools into the ocean. A 2015 survey of Ministry of Maritime in India stated that four out of ten species lose its habitat and it gradually increase around seven times in 2014 compared to a decade ago, approximately 23%, and this results in the proportion of animal extinction rises. Also, 24% of industrial waste have been caused such issue since 1999. So, how to tackle this trend?  
  
To eradicate, building the imitated animal homes by the authority is the effective solution. In order to preserve animal species extinction, providing artificial habitat in some countries should be implemented, while the government should take an action immediately to bestow punishment for those who do not responsible in industrial waste. This approach can produce the deterrent effect to felon. Since 2010, the head of New Zealand has been utilizing waste technology for declining garbage into fertilizer, and this reduces the waste spending, so only roughly 3% of trash spread all around this nation. Therefore, New Zealand have been considered as the cleanest rural area worldwide.  
  
It is sensible to conclude that while losing habitat and throwing up industrial waste are begat this problem, the head of country should contribute to construct artificial cage for animal and punish the culprit are the viable the solutions.
## road development

  
  
*As the number of cars increase, more money has to be spent on road systems. Some people think the government should pay for this. Others, however, think that the driver should cover the costs. Discuss both view and give your opinion*  
  
People's opinion differs as to whether or not the authority should spend money on transportation infrastructure investment. While, some inhabitants suppose that it is better to let the drivers take responsibility for covering this cost. I still believe that both car owner and government have an important road to play in this matter.  
  
On the one hand, there are several reasons why people argue that government need to pay for the construction and maintenance of roads. Firstly, the amount of tax that taxpayers frequently pay should be used for the road developments and it is the government responsibility. Secondly, car buyers have to pay an exorbitant tax on road usage when purchasing a car. It may be unfair if they are, once more time, forced to pay for infrastructure investment. As a result, the car owner will reduce an unnecessary burden on them when a government spend on public services like road systems.  
  
On the other hand, there are some evidences that drivers should cover the road developing costs. Firstly, the driver would become more and more responsible when their incomes are allocated for road costs. As a result, they would change from a careless driver to show more concern about transportation systems. Secondly, it may cause a decrease in the number of drivers because the more money from divers will be spent on road systems, they will have tended to rely on public vehicles in order to reduce the financial loss. As a consequence, the number of private cars will decline  
  
In conclusion, both sides should cooperate with each other with a view to maintain proper transportation methods.