dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## the restriction of teenagers activities at night

  
  
IN SOME AREAS OF THE US, A "CURFEW" IS IMPOSED, IN WHICH TEENAGERS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BE OUT OF DOORS AFTER A PARTICULAR TIME AT NIGHT UNLESS THEY ARE ACCOMPANIED BY AN ADULT. WHAT IS YOUR OPINION ABOUT THIS?  
  
In the aftermath of the recent attacks on teenagers in Baltimore, the regional government has ordered to disallow teenagers from wandering outdoors alone after seven in the evening, unless accompanied by an adult. While many think that this has severely restricted the day-to-day activities of teenagers, I believe that the curfew should be imposed as a necessary step to ensure safety of the teenagers.  
  
An unidentified group has been responsible for carrying out physical attacks on teenagers. According of the police reports, all the attacks on teenagers have taken place after eight in the evening. A teenager wandering alone at night is vulnerable to such attacks. The present curfew will help to avoid any further attacks on teenagers, particularly in the evening.  
  
Moreover, the government allows the teenagers to be out of doors after seven if they are accompanied by an adult. The police report also mentions that all the teenagers attacked were alone at that time of the crime. Teenagers usually panic in such dire situations and are not able to defend themselves. There is little chance that the group will attack teenagers accompanied by adults since adults will be able to handle the situation more effectively.  
  
Thus, the curfew does not completely restrict the movements of teenagers at night as an adult can accompany them in case of urgencies, while at the same time, the safety of the teenagers is ensured. This curfew will prevent additional attacks on the teenagers and should be imposed at least till the criminals are caught by the authorities.
I noticed that your prompt paraphrase includes researched information. Do not practice writing these essays based on researched information. The testing center will only have LAN, not internet access. You will not be able to do research to help you with your writing during the actual test. In addition to that, this sort of question tests your current events knowledge. Read the news and familiarize yourself with the international news before the test is given.  
  
Your prompt paraphrase does not address the requirements of this paragraph. There is no proper summary based on the generalized information that the prompt gave you. Your research, in this case, pulled down your TA score, instead of improving it because you turned a general discussion into a topic specific discussion. Changing the way the task is to be performed means you will receive deductions based on your inability to understand and follow basic instructions.  
  
The better way to approach this type of essay is to use the 5 paragraph format. That is:  
1. Prompt paraphrase  
2. Pro opinion 1  
3. Con opinion 2  
4. Personal opinion  
5. Summary of the discussion (conclusion)  
  
If you show the examiner that you took 2 points of view into consideration before coming to your own opinion, you will have shown a clear ability to explain yourself in English and make yourself understood. That is the best way to maximize your C&C, GRA, and LR scoring potential. It will allow you to write more than 250 words in a manner that will impress the reviewer. Your essay will fail based on its inability to properly discuss your personal opinion regarding the given matter. What you wrote is more of a research paper rather than a personal opinion paper.
Thank you! I noted your instructions and prepared a write-up on another topic. Hopefully this is better.  
  
--- Many people get no exercise during working hours and in free time, and as a result have health problems. Why do working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?  
  
--- Nowadays, people are so involved in their jobs that they prioritize work over all other activities such as exercise, relaxation, and sleep. It comes as no surprise that most of the working people suffer from health problems because of the lack of any exercise during weekdays as well as weekends.  
  
The demands of the current work culture is such that people have to work for long hours to complete their duties. A recent study by MIT highlights the fact that approximately 85% of working Indians lead a sedentary lifestyle, clocking an average of 10-11 hours daily at their place of work. These working people are not ready to sacrifice even a little of their working hours for physical activities. Consequently, there has been an alarming increase in health problems faced by these people.  
  
Even though all the working people agree that the absence of physical activities is due to lack of time, still the people fail to incorporate any physical activities in their routine during the weekends and holidays. There is ample free time during these days, however, these people tend to spend most of their time on smartphones and watching television. Thus, the same sedentary lifestyle continues everyday resulting in both short term and chronic health problems.  
  
I believe that companies should introduce compulsory activity hours for the employees, and should keep some essential equipment in a separate activity area. People should encourage each other to take out time for exercise. Sporting events for the working people should be held at frequent intervals. Moreover, the government should arrange for exercise equipment at parks and recreational centers.  
  
To summarize, though working people suffer from health problems due to lack of exercise in their daily routine, it is not an unsolvable problem. They should be encouraged to take out time from their schedule and include at least some activities in their lifestyle as that will ultimately benefit them in the long run.
Hello everyone, I will be really happy by telling me your feedback about my writing task one.  
  
## comparison of car theft

  
  
The line graph illustrates car thefts in the UK, Sweden, France and Canada from 1990 to 1999. Over all, despite some fluctuations, car theft almost remained the same in Great Britain, France and Canada. While the rate in Sweden rose during the period given.  
  
In 1990, the rate of stealing cars in France and Canada were about 6 and 7 subsequently. Then they both experienced some ups and downs to be stable at nearly the same amount at the end of the period. In addition to that, car theft in the UK was almost 18 in 1990, then the rate underwent some fluctuations that made a slight change to become about 17 in 1999.  
  
On the other hand, the number of stolen cars in Sweden was about 8 in 1990 and then it showed a steady rise to 1996. From 1996 it remained the same until 1998 which followed by another a gradual growth to be to hit nearly 14 at the end of the period.  
  
*
The summary with trending statement is well developed. The comparisons are also well developed and presented within the essay. One thing I noticed was that you decided not to mention any figure for the steady rise in 1996 for Sweden. In such instances, when no specific figure is given, you can give an estimation instead. You have to make sure that you refer to some sort of figure as the report summary relies on the accuracy of your presentation. Always try to write a minimum of 3 sentences per paragraph so that you can increase your LR and GRA scoring considerations. Grammar mistakes include your misrepresentation of the word "overall" as "over all". You also failed to use the Oxford comma when listing the countries listed in the graph.
## express your view on the transportation problem

  
  
In a number of countries, some people thinks it's necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.  
  
In many parts of the world, some people support spending a huge amount of money on building new railway line for fast trains between cities while others would rather invest that money on enhancing existing public transport. This essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of both procedures.  
  
On the one hand, constructing new railway lines will make the city more attractive for tourists from all around the world. As they will use the fast trains to reach the city which will eventually help the economy of the country. Moreover, railway lines are more sustainable than public transport as they don't require as much fixing. Finally, they will increase productivity and promote efficiency by saving a lot of time for students and employees. Simply, railway lines will make people's life much easier.  
  
On the other hand, public transport is extremely important for people as they believe that it should be improved regularly to keep offering its services properly. Public transport provides citizens with good service for cheap prices. It is the main why most people depend on it for commuting. Thus, the government should invest a great sums of money on developing public transport. Simply, many people believe that we can live without advanced railway lines but we can't survive without public transportation.  
  
Finally, I believe that as world is changing we need to keep abreast of all the technology and advancement that occur in the world around us. Hence, we should invest in building advanced railway lines for fast trains to facilitate our movements.
The essay you have written changed the prompt discussion parameters as indicated in the original. I am not sure why you decided to do that. Perhaps you did not understand the instructions very well.  
  
OP: Discuss both these views and give your opinion.  
YP: This essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of both procedures.  
  
The topic for discussion is not advantages over disadvantages, the essay is all about giving your opinion of the 2 public opinions by doing the following:  
  
1. Explain what you understand of the two points of views based on provided information from the original prompt. Complete the discussions within 2 separate paragraphs.  
2. Deliver your opinion based on the comparative discussion provided of the given opinions from the original prompt.  
  
This essay will definitely receive low marks in the TA section due to the oversight you had regarding the discussion instructions and topics for discussion. In addition to that, you practically cut and paste full sentence sections from the original prompt, which would result in lower LR scores since you showed you are not capable of paraphrasing or expressing the same thoughts as the original post in a new manner. I am worried that due to the marked mistakes in this essay, you may not be able to get a passing score for the test.
Hi, I think you need to look deeper into the prompt beyond what is written and see if you can view it from different perspectives. The arguments are railway lines for fast trains between cities vs public transportation. For example, the first paragraph, you mentioned that it will attract tourists, but then later state it will promote productivity and efficiency for students and employees. In reality, most high speed railways tickets tend to be very expensive and not meant as a tourist attraction, so the passengers are not regular commuters but people who want to travel in short amount of time as possible and willing to pay more for it.  
  
The second paragraph on the other hand, has many groundless assumptions, such as "They believe it should be improved regularly" or "many people believe we can live without advanced railways." Don't assume any other opinion except what is given in the prompt and your own. Try to connect your ideas in more logical way rather than conjecture.
I guess the best way to explain how your essay might be scored would be to present my assumption of your possible scores based on each scoring criteria. Let's get started:  
  
Quality of Ideas and Organization:  
A possible 4. The examples you chose to use in the essay, specifically the Egyptian pyramid reference was genius. It totally relates to the position you have taken regarding the weakest point of the essay. It could have used further discussion though. Next time, try to outline your topics for discussion first, then write the essay. Having a writing guide should help you develop better ideas and a more organized and coherent presentation.  
  
Writing Style:  
Maybe a 3. Try to mix up the sentence lengths to show more writing style variety. Review your vocabulary and make sure that you use "big" words in the proper context. Make sure to proof read your paper for grammatical errors and problematic sentence styles. These seem to be the most evident problems with this presentation. By the way, try to avoid using pronouns to refer to gender. Be non-gender specific. Simply say " to strengthen THE argument." A reference to the discussion does not require a gender. Neither does a reference to the author. Learn to use synonyms to build your vocabulary properly.  
  
Grammar and Usage:  
Could be a 3. You need to practice writing English sentences using the proper vocabulary and sentence structures. You should familiarize yourself more with how the American English language is structured using writing rules, verbs, nouns, pronouns, phrases, keywords, punctuation marks, and other sentence foundation considerations.  
  
Summary  
Another 3. The analysis is good but the presentation needs work. You clearly understood the discussion but could have more coherently expressed yourself. Remember, the key to any effective essay is review, revise, finalize. You need to catch your mistakes before the examiner does and that, is done during the editing phase, prior to submitting the essay for scoring.  
  
Again, I just presented my opinion. It is meant to be a critical analysis of your work, looking for points of improvement. I believe that I have clearly indicated the problematic areas of your writing in my review.
The essay lacks a range of discussion development throughout the presentation. These are not even complete paragraph presentations. It feels like you had a thought or came across some information you thought was important, threw it into the essay and then could not figure out how to discuss each topic thoroughly. More importantly, each paragraph stands alone and doesn't really blend well into the next paragraph presentation. I guess what I am trying to say is, you need to develop the discussion through the use of more information, personal opinions, and other types of data. More importantly, you need to explain each and every source in the paper to help the reader understand why that person's opinion, a group of people's opinion, or research information should be taken seriously and authoritatively. Expand on the background of the person being mentioned in the research or explain why a certain quote from a certain article is a verified data source.
## forest areas on the globe

  
  
The graph show the data about the forested land in omen of hectares in various part of the world  
  
Overall, many of them are stable and some drop a little but no significant reduction.  
  
Firstly, the first three country is Africa, Asia and Europe. We can easily see that, Europe is the highest reached 1001 in 2005. Besides that, Asia is the lowest with 584. From 1990 to 2005, Africa is the only one reduced, and the two others rise but not significantly  
  
Secondly, in the next three country, Oceania is the lowest with the number 197 in 2005 and South America drop from 1990 to 2005 but still the highest in this three country. North America steady with the number 705 in 2000 to 2005.  
  
To sum up, we can see that Oceania is the lowest of all and besides that, Europe reached the highest  
  
*
First of all, try to re-read the essay to avoid grammar mistakes. One other serious mistake is that these are continents not countries; if you cannot think of the vocabulary "continent," areas would be better than countries.  
  
Instead of dividing the continents into ones with more forest areas and ones with less, it would be better if you compare the increases and decreases.  
  
Also, you don't really have to write a conclusion for task 1, and your conclusion does not sum up your points in body paragraphs.
It will be extremely difficult for you to gain a passing score for this type of presentation. The main reason you will fail the test is because you lack too many words to complete the 150 minimum word count. You wrote only 127 words which means there will be points deducted for the TA section based on the missing 23 words. Since you have written less than the minimum word count, it will be assumed that you did not properly explain the information within the graph and as such, will receive additional points deductions in the remaining scoring brackets. Remember, you cannot fully explain, in an understandable manner, what the image indicates when you write less than the required word count. I won't even begin to mention the writing problems in the essay because it makes no sense doing so. I can't properly judge your writing skills when you did not make the effort to write the required word count.
Hello everyone, I am a new member, hope I can learn some things new from this forum as well as get feedback for my writing. This is my first essay.  
  
## merits vs demerits of video games

  
  
Playing games is widely considered as a damaging mean of entertainment while some argue that they are beneficial in some aspects. I am of the latter opinion that it would be profitable for gamers when carefully considering.  
  
Overdoing video games would cause certain harm to both physical and mental health. Gaming can be highly addictive which may have effects ranging from sleeplessness to aggressive behaviour. For instance, players tend to be more irritable and restless if they stay inside computer games for over 10 hours consecutively. What's more, it is hard to get enough active play and physical exercise when players lock themselves in a room, looking at the screen. The rise in obesity recently has also linked to sedentary lifestyle.  
  
Despite these given defects, video games can be both entertaining and educational. Firstly, everyone certainly would love to loosen up after dealing with a huge workload at offices or schools, then virtual games would be the best option. Secondly, games such as puzzles and riddles could be profitable for recognition ability, problem solving and memorizing skills which is useful for reality life. Especially, most of the online games are designed by English that requires users to have a basic understanding of the language to play and communicate with other partners and enemies. Thus, games create an ideal environment to get a better knowledge of languages as well as to make new foreign friends.  
  
All in all, I strongly believe that the merits of video games outweigh it demerits. However, games players should look for applicable choices of games for their level of age plus setting a limit time to stay inside the game in order to stay away from addiction.
Hi. The following are my opinions.  
  
First of all, there are some grammar problems--"means" is a plural noun; it is better not to use abbreviation such as "what is more" rather than "what's more"  
  
Secondly, maybe you don't have to mention the deficiencies of video games or else you have to offer solutions otherwise it makes video games seem not as good as you claim. Since you mention two merits of video games in the third paragraph, you can tear it into two paragraphs and discuss the issue more deeply--the essay may be more convincing.
I am afraid that the overall score for this essay may only be within the 4 bracket. That is because there is a lack of cohesiveness and coherence in the overall discussion presentation and GRA problems abound in the total presentation. There is a lack of proper topic / discussion development for the essay. Reasons are listed, but no actual justification, through properly developed explanations can be seen. There is a lack of clarity in the sentence presentation due to the problematic sentence structures. While the essay does have a point, it requires several readings before the reader can actually figure out what is being said and how the information presented relates to one another. You do not need to present several reasons, one or 2 reasons, properly explained over 2 paragraphs, before your own opinion, will be sufficient to increase your overall score and task achievement.
Hi, i am a new member of the forum, i am about to take the IELTS exam and still trying my my best to improve my poor writing skills. It would be so nice if i can get some of your advices about my essay below. I know i might have some silly spelling or grammar mistakes so all opinions are kindly appreciate. Thank you for your attention.  
  
## cambridge ielts 14: Test 1: Writing task 2:

  
***some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations.***  
  
Answer:  
Many people face the dilemma of situations in which acceptance is the optimal approach whiles others would rather try to overcome hardships. Personally, I suggest that people should base on the situations they are facing with to decide which way they should solve it.  
  
To start with, i think people should satisfy with what life brings to them and undergo the situation as they believe that there is nothing they can do about it. Their solution is simply to just go with the flow because nothing last forever and so do their problematic circumstances. Besides that, acceptance and actually avoid people from having negative emotions or unconscious actions such as suicide, seft-harm,... For example, a candidate are being late for an important interview due to traffic congestion, he or she can accept the situation and wait for another chances instead of being stressful or driving fast to improve the situation. Hence this is why people accept bad circumstances.  
  
On the other hand, there are some particular situations which people can improve. The world is full of inspiring people who has able to turn hardships into chances by clearly understanding the value of choice. Instead of giving up so easily, it is obivious that people can improve and make their problem become a chance.  
  
In my honest opinion, i strongly suggest that one can choose to act in both way according to the situation. When you are facing a problem, if the solution requires you to simply ignore, just do so. However if the only way to solve your problem is to figure it out how, then you should take action quickly  
  
In a conclusion, the important thing to do when you facing a problem is to analyze it and ask yourself question: "What is the best thing to do". Think wisely and choose the best solution.
Hi Emillia!  
  
First of all, I think it's a bit difficult for me to evaluate as you did not include the actual instruction that usually comes after the prompt, i.e. 'do you agree or disagree?' or 'discuss both opinions', etc.  
  
As for the essay, your grammar needs improvement. Your essay may only get a band 5 at maximum even though your content answers the question. There seems to be many spelling mistakes too. This should be easily spotted if you use a document editing software (wrong spellings are underlined in red).  
  
You also should not build incomplete sentences, for example *"Besides that, (...) actions such as suicide, seft-harm,... "*. Ending your sentence with dots like that can drastically bring down your band score.  
  
I suggest that you get a teacher/friend to help correct those mistakes I stated because there is too many to be pointed out. Also, check the IELTS band descriptor to see which band score you are at as you practice.  
  
Good luck!