dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
For the opening paraphrase, it is always best to present this in 3-5 sentences. That way you accomplish several things. Using 2 sentences to present each public point of view shows that you have a total understanding of the division of discussion points. You will also be able to more properly explain the upcoming discussion points and refer to the need for you to present your personal opinion in the presentation. These will all combine to help you get a better TA score due to clear topic presentations, sentence formation, and opinion presentation.  
  
What I did not notice is that you wrote 257 words in this essay, which is only 7 words over the minimum requirement. That means you had enough time to proof read and perfect your work if you chose to do so. However, you chose not to review, edit, and perfect your presentation. That is why you left the essay with severe spelling problems, grammar issues, and clarity problems in your discussion. The severe nature of these errors, plus the wrong concluding presentation (it should be at least 2 sentences made up of 40 words) means that your essay cannot achieve a passing band score.
Well done on answering the question and providing sufficient evidence for your views. You also explained your points well in your body paragraphs. One note i would make is for your introduction; instead of saying 'This essay will discuss both views and offer my opinion.', try to be more detailed in your thesis statement and include relevant information that coincides with your body paragraphs, as this is the most important sentence of your entire essay. This is quite a generic and overused phrase that the examiner will look over.  
  
For your conclusion, this is usually a paraphrased expression of your introduction, restate the question in your own words, and further explain what you discussed and how your opinion was included.  
  
Good luck!!
## student enrolments in one british university

  
  
The table below gives information about student enrolments at Manchester University in 1937, 1967 and 2017.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.  
  
The table shows information about the enrolments of Manchester University students for the years 1937, 1967 and 2017.  
  
Overall, 2017 had the greatest number of pupils enrolled out of the three years, while the least amount of students attending the university was in 1937.  
  
To begin with, 1937 had only 327 in new admissions, followed by 1133 admissions in 1967 and 6254, being the most recorded enrolments, in 2017. Moreover, in both 1937 and 1967, the percentage of males were higher than females at 55% and 65% respectively, whereas this changed in 2017 with females making up 55 per cent of the proportion.  
  
With regards to the previous whereabouts of students; in 1937 over half of students studying at this tertiary institution were from at most 40 miles from Manchester. In contrast, this number decreased substantially in 2017, with only 1 to 2 per cent of students actually residing nearby. Indeed, the number of foreign nationals attending increased drastically to constitute about a third of the pupils for the year 2017, although it was only approximately 7% for the years of 1937 and 1967.  
  
Thank you for your help!!  
  
*   
*Task 1 table*
In the task 1 essay, focus on delivering the information directly to the reader. You have to remember, word fillers are not transition sentences. Transition sentences come at the end of the paragraph, as an introduction to the next topic:  
  
*... 55 percent of the proportion. This proportion was divided into representations of the student home countries as well.  
  
Compare the students who came from overseas, from those who came from the UK. The chart indicated that...*  
  
It is important to prove that you know how to create coherent and cohesive paragraphs, meaning paragraphs that continue to show a clear discussion relationship, from one paragraph to the next. This is because your C&C score heavily depends on your ability to properly connect and transition from one data paragraph or reasoning paragraph to the next. Such a skill will also help you better reflect the TA requirements of the presentation.  
  
That said, you still good a good enough job with this presentation. Can it be better? Yes. Will this essay work to get you a passing score? Perhaps. You still have a coherence and cohesiveness problem in the overall presentation. Fix that problem and you will be able to get a more than average passing score.
## summarise information from the charts

  
  
The three circular charts illustrated the proportion of three types of nutrients in breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks. The data was collected from typical meals in the USA. Overall, the percentages of sodium and saturated fat were seen to be the largest in the dinner meal which were 43% and 37% respectively, while added sugar made up the largest proportion in snacks (42%)  
  
To be more detailed, the proportions of sodium and saturated fat were quite similar. The second largest proportions of these two types of nutrients were in lunch which were 29% of sodium and 26% of saturated fat, while the proportions in breakfast were the smallest which were 14% of sodium and 16% of saturated fat.  
  
However, the chart of added sugar showed a different pattern. It can be told from the chart that dinner contained the second largest amount of added sugar. Meanwhile, the percentage of added sugar in breakfast and lunch did not have much difference: 16% of sugar in breakfast and 19% of sugar in lunch resulted in just a 3% gap.  
  
Thank you for reviewing!  
  
*
There is an error in your identification of the image and information contained. If you review the image, it is not 3 circular images, you were given pie charts. The information within the charts refer to breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks, but the main identification title for the charts are Sodium, Saturated Fat, and Added Sugar. It is the latter identification that you should have presented in the summary overview, along with the pie chart divisions.  
  
Good job in using the 3 paragraph format. However, the writing in the second paragraph is uneven. You have to present 3-5 sentences in each paragraph. Always balance your presentation. Prove an analysis of the image, not just a simple and direct reporting of information. While you need to directly report the information, you are still expected to somehow analyze the information throughout the paragraphs.  
  
Good work overall though. It is a good start for you. I hope to review more of your Task 1 reports in the future. I am eager to guide your improvement.
Q:  
## People are having more and more sugar-based drinks.

  
***What are the reasons? What are the solutions to make people drink less?***  
A:  
In recent decades, there have been a growing amount of consumed sugar-based drinks in many countries. Although this trend could cause negative effects on customer's health, the government and healthcare workers can solve this habitual and health problem in some particular ways.  
  
There are many reasons leading to that trend. First, since the media and advertising influence a lot on our decision of choosing a type of beverage, giant companies of drinks can rely on that psychological effect to drive young people using their products without any attention to their health. In fact, in most advertisements of Monster energy drinks appearing on media every day, they only provide immediate effects on our brain to keep us awake and feel energized, but they do not mention about long-term negative effects on our cardiovascular system proven in many studies. Second, due to the availability, low price of sugar-contained drinks, people easily afford one whenever they are thirsty. For example, after participating in a football match under hot weather, players can have some Redbul energy drinks sold in a store next to their playing field to satisfy their thirst and also pump up their energy.  
  
On the other hand, there are also many solutions to curb consuming this type of drink. Healthcare providers and government can work together to educate people about the effect of sugar-based drinks through media. For instance, an online campaign about reducing consumption of sparking drinks lead by the Malaysian government has succeeded when the average amount of drinks used every day has dropped dramatically in the first stage of the campaign. Besides, an alternative and healthier drink, such as lemon juice, always in our bag can be a solution. This helps us to use our prepared drink and save our money by not buying anything.  
  
In conclusion, sugar-based drinks consumption should be decreased by the effort of both individuals and the government. The companies in the beverage industry also need to be aware of their products and process with the consultation of scientists in the medical field.  
  
Thank you for your support!
Hey!  
You have a decent essay. It could be much better if you focus on correcting certain grammatical errors and use conjunctions appropriately. I would also suggest you to us e simple words instead of complicated ones when to preserve the meaning of the sentence that you intended.  
  
I've done a quick correction of the first para below.  
In the past few decades, there has been an unhealthy trend of increasing consumption of sugar based drinks in many countries. This has a detrimental effect on human health and the only way to tackle this problem is by joint efforts of the government and healthcare workers to raise awareness among it's citizens.  
  
You have used the word "although" in an incorrect sense in your opening para. "Have" - "Has" is the appropriate one, etc  
  
You have good content written in your essay about the reasons and solutions to tackle the situation. Try to better frame your preexisting sentences. It's not that they are bad, they could just be so much better.  
  
Good Luck! :)
~~First~~ Firstly, since ~~the~~ media and advertising influences ~~a lot on~~ our decisions ~~of~~  on choosing ...  
  
without paying any attention ...  
Secondly, due to the availability~~,~~ and low price ..., people can easily ...  
  
~~You cannot use on the other hand without including on the one hand for your previous paragraph~~ ~~On the other hand~~, there are also ...  
  
*..., always being in our bag... This helps us ~~to~~ use our prepared drink and saves our money ...*  
  
I think this point needs to be explained more, also using the linking word besides is not a great fit in my opinion. A better phrase would be 'Another solution or subsequently.. or just omit it completely.
You will definitely fail in the TA section because of the inaccuracy of your paraphrase and your use of improper information in the restatement. These have led to a totally different reference point for your essay from the original. A prompt deviation that can cost you severely in terms of starting off with a high score in the TA section, which represent a majority of your final score.  
  
There is no reference to a time frame (recent decades) in the original prompt. The reference is also to people, not countries. There is no indication either from the original prompt in relation to "negative effects". The original discussion was merely about how people tend to drink more sugar based drinks these days. There was no indicator of "negative effects", therefore, you are changing the original discussion and will be penalized accordingly. All of the changes that you made in the original presentation will mean your essay will be beginning with a non passing score.  
  
The reasoning paragraph is using one too many reasons. The second reason is not as well developed as your first line of reasoning. This creates an under developed reasoning paragraph. So your score for that paragraph will reflect an problematic explanation due to under developed reasoning and justification presentations in the paragraph.  
  
By focusing on the Malaysian government, you are again deviating from the original presentation. There was no particular government focus on the solutions discussion question. Therefore, you should not be referring to any particular country or government. A general reference should have been used for that discussion portion. The use of a specific country in the presentation hinders the proper formatting of the paragraph. The improper presentation will also pull down the score for that paragraph.
***Students should choose a university major that prepares them for high-paying careers.***  
## To what extent do you agree with this statement?

  
  
In recent times, more and more young people are choosing to enter tertiary education and some believe they should opt for a career choice that pays reasonably well in the future. I disagree as money should not be the primary concern when making this decision due to burnout rates and overpopulating certain fields.  
  
To begin with, university students ought to look towards majors that they're interested in, as studying is no small feat, and lack of interest could cause failure and eventually dropping out. This is evident by the drastic increase in burn-out rates of students, particularly ones majoring in STEM fields, in IVY League schools across America over the past decade. This is usually due to the fact that most of them give up being unable to keep up with the course load as they entered for the wrong reasons.  
  
Moreover, another point to consider is the scarcity of young people studying other majors that may not have a sure job prospect in the future, but nonetheless, are much needed professions, such as the arts. Not only does this create a lack in these areas, but also creates unnecessary competition and overcrowding for these high-paying type of degrees. In Sudan for instance, medicine has seen an exponential growth in the number of students applying, so in turn, graduates ended up finding themselves competing with thousands. In other words, some of these newly graduated doctors, who expected to be greeted with a wide array of jobs upon graduating, were not only left broke, but also jobless.  
  
In conclusion, even though it seems optimal to apply for a university major that constitutes to a high paying salary, I disagree with this notion as starting a degree doesn't necessarily mean you'll finish it, and individuals need to be equally distributed among various fields.  
  
Thank you for your help!!
There is a key phrase missing in your introduction paragraph. Since you are being asked to discuss the essay based on the "extent" of your dis/agreement with the given topic, your measured outline response should have been framed as follows:  
  
*I strongly disagree with this statement to the extent that money should not...*  
  
Your reasoning is correct. It is the format of your response that is partially incorrect. What you consider "connecting phrases" in this essay are nothing more than word fillers. The transition sentences, are actually used at the end of the paragraphs to help introduce the next topic. For example:  
  
*... the wrong reasons. This leads to a scarcity of students in majors that do not offer a sure job prospect in the future, which leads to our next discussion topic.*  
  
Then start the new paragraph with the topic sentence that relates to the previous discussion of scarcity of students in certain majors. If you can avoid using the redundant and empty sentences, which only serve to add length, but not substance to the essay, then you should score better.
***TOPIC:  
SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT A LOT OF SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH IS A WASTE OF TIME AND MONEY.  
## TO WHAT EXTEND DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?***  
  
Some are of the opinion that it is pointless investing time and means in the science industry as most outcomes are improbable. From my perspective, I strongly disagree with this view and will further elaborate in this essay.  
  
It is undeniable that scientific research is counterproductive. Vague as the purposes might be, scientists dedicate themselves to these studies. Some of these research projects may take years to be proven right; however, there is no certainty that a breakthrough will be produced. Moreover, self-proclaimed scientists, whose sole desire is recognition, are inventing impractical products, namely the umbrella shoes or the walking sleeping bag.  
  
Having said that, the science industry has made remarkable progress in unveiling mysteries around the world, which has contributed to enlarge human's understanding. Breakthrough can be elucidated with the supplied knowledge obtained from scientific research; hence an encouragement to allocate for the industry. To illustrate the case, the invention of Kepler Space Telescope has allowed us to broaden our knowledge of the outer space with the confirmation of over 2700 exoplanets.  
  
Furthermore, scientific breakthoughs help facilitating human's life. Over the past few centuries, some discoveries and inventions have marked noteworthy milestones; therefore have made immense contribution in uplifting human society. Without science, treatments to fatal diseases like plague or cancer would not be found and we might never have chance to access the Internet. As a prime example for the case, new avenues to preventing the spread of HIV have been opened thanks to scientists' dedicated studies.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that there are more reason to encourage the allocation of time and funds for the promotion of scientific research. It is predicted that science will continue to play an irreplaceable role in human's quest for knowledge.  
  
Thank you so much for your kind support!
This is a 4 paragraph, not 5 paragraph essay. There is no instruction for a comparison of 2 points of view plus a personal opinion. Therefore, your format is incorrect. This is a single opinion essay that uses 2 supporting reasons in the reasoning paragraphs. Your paraphrase section still uses the word time, which came from the original. You should revise time to indicate effort or hours. Use any similar reference word to add to the LR score. In the response, you gave a good extent response, but should have indicated the 2 reasons for your opinion instead of simply saying you will elaborate further. The topic sentences in the paraphrase section will help give a clearer idea of your opinion and why, thus increasing your TA score.  
  
You are confusing a scientist with an inventor. A scientist may be an inventor, but an inventor is not always a scientist. So your reference point for discussion in the first reasoning paragraph is incorrect. It is also confusing since you made a mistake in using reference terms in that section. You are also creating a conflict of opinion in your presentation because you are saying one thing as your opinion, but then defending the other side as well. You cannot do that in a single opinion presentation. You must defend only the opinion you believe in otherwise, the essay delivers an unclear and divided opinion to the reader that does not support your thesis statement in the paraphrase.  
  
The conflicting aspect came from you saying that  
  
It is undeniable that scientific research is counterproductive.  
But then you also indicated ;   
  
the science industry has made remarkable progress in unveiling mysteries around the world,  
Which one is it? Which side do you really support? The essay thus becomes unclear and will result in a confusing opinion presentation and appropriate score for the discussion error.
IELTS TASK 2: Please help me to improve my essay. i would appreciate to receive your feedback  
  
## adaptation to different challenges in life

  
  
Coping with new problems in life is a challenge. This is considered a common difficulty for everyone. This essay will tackle some factors of this idea and also give suggestions for people to deal with it.  
  
There are two causes that people struggle to adapt to new conditions. First, it is undeniable that some objective reasons can negatively affect our lives. Events like study or work abroad include situations whilst people are familiar with their lifestyles. As a consequence, it can lead one to an unwilling sense of discovering new shifts. For instance, 85 percent of international students in the US admitted that they had experienced culture shock. Second, subjective impacts are crucial in letting someone down. Intimate relationships within families are worth to be put into perspective, because it can make children desperate when leaving home. For example, many kids who cannot identify a bus ticket because their parents always set a prior protecting for them.  
  
It is essential to state measures so that people can get over new changes. To begin with, family should give guidance to people so that they can be mature and find an escape from the circumstance. This is illustrated clearly by myself, who was always aroused in the middle of the morning so I found it hard to wake up at 6 o'clock in university time. Furthermore, each person within society needs to have awareness in treating positively others, since it can improve their adaptation in every aspect. One of the most highlighted instances is virtual society, as social media is a widespread way to change the mindset of people.  
  
In conclusion, adaptation is a process and it takes everyone a long time to accept new things. People should bravely face difficulties so it could be easier to struggle with conditions.
The opening paraphrase is a bit confusing. You should try to provide more clarity regarding the topic, what you are being asked to write about, and what your discussion topics will actually be within the discussion paragraphs. Rather than counting 2 causes in one paragraph, use one cause per paragraph. That way you can fully discuss each topic and also, show your ability to use transition sentences that can help move your causes discussion from one reason to the next connected reason in a new paragraph. Using a transition sentence between paragraphs or within paragraphs will help you get a better C&C and GRA score.  
  
You are very fond of using filler sentences, which do not really help move the discussion forward. A more straightforward topic sentence at the start of each paragraph will help you gain a better score. Though the word fillers helped to lengthen the presentation, the fact that it did not really fall under any of the scoring considerations means that the reviewer cannot give you a higher score for the filled in sections.
Okay. You should not be using a referenced piece of information at the very start of the essay. You need to work on creating a more proper thesis statement that will allow you to define meritocracy based on your personal understanding. After that, you should reference the comparative discussion that you will be creating (upper class, middle class, lower class). However, you need to focus the discussion the Chinese discussion of these points because towards the end, you are referencing the Chinese education in the opinion paper. You need to create a better balance in the discussion by focusing on the social class system as it applies to the Chinese meritocracy setting. That way, the reader is clear about which culture is being discussed and why the meritocracy discussion is important.