dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Tran, when you discuss essays that have specific percentage markers in the chart, as in the case of this essay, it would be best to not use estimates in your analysis presentation. When the bar falls directly upon a given digit / figure, use the actual figures at all times. That is because the analysis essay tests your ability to create specific and accurate report presentations. When you use estimates in instances when specifics are given, you misinform the reader. Remember, the reader is always assumed to not have a copy of the illustration, which is why you must relay only an accurate summary of the report, specially when it comes to the numerical data. I know that you are advised by your tutors to use "estimation" words in order to show off your English vocabulary. However, that presentation only works when there are no actual figures presented in the image aside from say, the midpoint of the percentage. Then you can imagine the percentage guide rule on the page and use "estimation" words instead.  
  
If you want to get a good score in the C&C section of the essay, always make sure that you present complete paragraphs. Use full sentences instead of connected information presentation so that you can reach the minimum 3 sentence requirement. Your summary would have been better if you had included the types of diplomas in the list, along with the gender of the test crowd. Again, these are bits of information that help to create the outline of your discussion and show that you did a thorough analysis of the information you were presented with.  
  
Be conscious of your spelling. One mistake (follwing - following) and your LR score will be reduced. Your comparison does not accurately outline all of the information from the graph. You took shortcuts in your report as well by not fully representing each diploma was that represented in the chart. The examiner will see that and score you on a reduced TA scale. Accuracy of information is the name of the game when it comes to the Task 1 essay. Don't forget that. The more inaccurate your information, the more incomplete the information presentation, the lesser your chance of passing the test.
## different acceleration of growth in india and china

  
  
The given line graph reaveals a vary greatly data which is illustrating on Population Growth in India and China. The eye-catching infromation is in 2050 that has the highest amount of total inhabitants who stay in India - 1.600 billions people. In other side, the highest peak in Chine is approximately only 1.400 billions. Its quite strange in some point because of several reason that will be given in the following paragraph.  
  
First and foremost, starting point of total population in India is between 1.300 and 1.200 billions people and is going to upside-down in the next term of graph. The peak point of the chart is on near 2030. After the highest point, it will deescalate until the end of the line.  
  
Plenty different with previous, India got starting point in 20th century is yet 1000 of citizen-approximately a quarter less than China. In the future, the nominal exponentially raise. Generally, there is no turning point at the graph which means constantly upscale.  
  
The interesting point that take note is the crossi-section between India and China in the 2030 which has nominal at 1.450 people.  
  
*
Samuel, you show a clear confusion in your approach to this essay. You tried to combine the two writing methods related to tasks 1 and 2 specifically in what should be only an analytical essay. This has resulted in an essay that should never be submitted for scoring because you will not get a passing score. There are a number of problems with the essay that you need to address in order to create a better version of this current work that you created.  
  
The first problem, is that your opening statement is nor really a summary, neither is it a paraphrasing of the prompt requirements. You did a direct discussion of the given facts without properly introducing the discussion topics and its related information in an acceptable outline in sentence form.  
  
The second problem, pertains to the method by which you present the information. When you look at the image, there are clear points for "estimation" that need to be presented in the essay. You did not do that. There is also no trending discussion in your essay, which is pretty much a standard part of the Task 1 analysis presentations.  
  
The third and final problem with your essay is that only the first paragraph would pass for a completely developed paragraph. The rest are too short to be considered a complete discussion. Aim to write at least 3 sentences per paragraph in order to meet the minimum requirements of the C&C criteria. Under no circumstance or reason should you present a single sentence in a Task 1 essay. The lack of paragraph development shows that you have difficulty analyzing the essay and this problem is more likely than not to affect your final score. The result of which will be an unsatisfactory score for this essay.
1/ Well done, but sadly you fail to cover what is being asked in IELTS report writing. As per IELTS writing band descriptor Task 1, candidates are instructed to present clear overview with the main trends if they want to score a higher ( 7 or above in TA). I did not see any improvement as suggested in the descriptor. If I were you, then I'd take the general trend from 2000 to 2050 as the main discussion and then break it into two or three different data. Afterwards, those are put in a brief summary of the report. These are as follow:  
  
- a gap between 2000 and 2050  
- Changes among the years.  
  
2/ A good paragraph consists at least 3 sentences in a row. By doing so, you are more likely to meet the requirements in CC & GRA. Also, What stands out from your writing is some sentences are not well developed. As viable solutions: For the opening statement, you simply paraphrase the prompt given, but it is always better to start it with the second or the third idea, not the first one as majority students do. The following paragraphs are supposed to be a topic sentence followed by some data taken from the overview you make.  
  
3/  
  
First and foremost,  
...  
  
Plenty different with previous,  
Keep your summary succinct and straight to the point. Some phrases as I highlight sound too bulky as majority students use them when it comes to IELTS essay. Not only this, using too many empty phrases will have your score deducted.  
  
Hope this helps :)
**Topic: Nowadays, there is a trend that woman want to get married late or some even choose to live alone. Discuss both advantages and disadvantages of this trend.**  
  
## **GETTING MARRIED LATE? SHOULD OR NOT?**

  
  
Recently, woman doesn't want to get married early or some even decide to be a celibate is becoming more and more popular. There is no doubt that this trend has its own benefits and drawbacks.  
  
It's obviously thatgetting married late or living alone has some advantages. First of all, woman can feel more comfortable, independent and focus on her career. This means she will not be tied up with family, relatives and children, so she can spend more time concentrating whole-heartedly on her occupation. Therefore, she will be in control of her finance and life. Another benefit is that the proportion of divorce as well as the evils of family violence will be decreased. The majority of the divorced is result from not understanding the partner and don't integrate with married life. If getting married late, woman will have more time to comprehend her companion and realize who is right man for her.  
  
On the contrary, there are some disadvantages of this tendency. First and foremost, in Vietnam, the traditional customs still have a strong influence on the thinking of parents, so they will worry and create pressure on their daughter when she married late, which makes her faded and bored. For instance, my sister is 27 year-old and has steady job but not married, so her parents feel anxious and find a lot men to matchmaking for her regardless of her hostility. In addition, choosing celibacy will lead to the population reduction as well as gender imbalance. If a woman decides to live alone, the rate of marriage and childbearing will flop in significant way.  
  
In conclusion, getting married late or choosing to live alone in woman has above positive and negative aspects. Hence, we should consider in each situation to make a right decision.
Hi, @Lan Anhh, I guess you have just started writing ielts essay recently, so you made some basic mistakes here:  
1) Never you the short form of words like doesn't, don't, isn's, aren't. Instead, use does not, do not...  
2) There are serious and obvious grammatical and vocabulary errors. It is a must that you have to fix these problems right away since they are the foundation of a good essay.  
  
3) Your way of expressing ideas is still cumbersome. Remember that your job is not solely translating your opinion in Vietnamese into English, you have to write in a way that match the foreign language style.  
  
4) I feel that your paraphrasing skill is not paid much attention to. If you do not change the words used in the topic in the beginning and at the end, your score will be lowered.  
  
In general, you have good ideas, but your writing skill is not appropriate at all. Additionally, you have to study more carefully the structure od an ielts essay as well as the criterias people use to mark your work. Hope this will help you.
Lan, your attempt at writing an essay is admirable. Problem filled, but admirable just the same because your intent to make yourself fully understood is evident. Unfortunately, you English language skills are not yet at what we professionals call the "intermediate" stage. Your language grasp is "basic" at best and as such, creates problems for you when you write essays such as these. It would be best if you do not try to use complex sentences at this point. Just present basic discussions in order to make sure that your LR and GRA score will at least get a passing score.  
  
You must focus your energies right now on learning to write the proper paraphrase of the original prompt. You need to make sure that you use only the keywords from the original prompt in order to direct the examiner to the fact that you understand what is required of you, but do not use so many words from the original that it almost sounds plagiarized as your current opening statement does. Please refer to my example as a guide:  
  
*The modern woman does not always get married early. Sometimes, she **marries later** in life or she opts for the **single life**. Each choice that the woman makes has its own **advantages and disadvantages**. This essay will examine a reason behind each **trend**.*  
  
I highlighted the keywords from the original essay that I used in relation to the topic, but presented in a different format. That is how you present a properly paraphrased statement that falls within the 3 sentence minimum requirement.  
  
Try to develop only one reason per paragraph because you are scored on your ability to fully explain your line of reasoning instead of the number of reasons that you present. If you only present under explained sentences or reasons, your essay will not get a high score for the C&C portion as it relates to your ability to express yourself coherently in English.  
  
It will also be better if you use information that is general in nature rather than specific to you home country. Unless, the relation to your home country is because the reason is based on a personal experience. Using a personal experience in explaining your reason shows a deeper ability to understand English and express yourself in the English language. When you use country specific information, you limit the line of reasoning that you can present and discuss.
**Some people think the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentence. Others, however, think there are better alternative ways to reduce crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
## best ways to prevent crime

  
  
It is commonly believed by some that increasing prison sentence is the best way to prevent crime while some people suppose except that, there are more appropriate ways to do the above aim. Personally, I think it should combine some ways together.  
  
On the one hand, prion sentence is a convenient and easy punishment that help to protect human right to live but it also give some disadvantages. Firstly, to carry out a prison sentence, it is necessary to build prison system and pay salary for staff working in that system, and that would be a burden for citizens when they would have to pay taxes only to help prisoners have somewhere to carry out their sentences. Secondly, to some crimes, prison sentence would be useless to repair the damage, for instance economic crimes. This crimes lead to serious consequences, for example, companies are bankrupt and the staff are jobless, and prisoning the offender, in cases like that, would be no help for the jobless.  
  
Whereas, there are several ways that could overcome the drawbacks of prison sentence such as pecuniary penalty and death sentence. Pecuniary penalty helps to increase yearly budget and the government would use that to enhance quanlity of life and as a result, the rate of crime would reduce, particularly economic crimes, but abusing pecuniary penalty would wide wealth gap. In terms of death sentence, it is argued that it should be abolished because of human rights but death sentence still brings about many positive effects. This can be seen that the danger to society would be completely disappeared and preys and their families would be consoled.  
  
In conclusion, there are no best way to prevent crime, each method has its benefits and drawbacks, so it should combine some ways together to overcome their disadvantages.
Hallo,  
  
my name is khoti. I will give you feedback:  
  
1. It is commonly believed by some that (...) while **some people** suppose except that, (*repetition, better you find other words*)  
  
2. there are more appropriate ways to do **the above aim**. (*what is the aim? it is more like a statement*)  
  
3. prion sentence is **a convenient and easy punishment** that..... (*it should be parallel*)  
  
4. it also **give** some disadvantages. (it should be added 's'= simple present tense)  
  
5.**the** staff **are** jobless. (*you should consider when using an article, and be careful for singular and plural form*)  
  
6. ....and prisoning the offender, in cases like that, **would** be no help for the jobless.... (*why do you use past tense?, but the last sentence is not past tense*)  
  
7. there are no best **way** to prevent crime. (*you should deal with the rule of S+V agreement*)
Houng, your opening statement is short of the required number of sentences and also begins the essay discussion at the end of the paragraph when only a discussion description was required. The paragraph would have been improved if you had used complete sentences rather than run-on sentences to present the discussion. The more acceptable format for the opening statement would have been:  
  
*These days, a discussion has been ongoing regarding the best way to reduce crime. Some believe that crime can be lessened if longer prison sentences are applied to criminal punishments. While others believe that alternatives to a long prison sentence could also reduce crime. In this essay, both points of views will be discussed along with a statement representing my personal opinion regarding the topic for discussion.*  
  
As you can see, the original prompt asked you to discuss both points of view and then your personal opinion. Yet the way you have the essay formatted, each paragraph represents only your personal opinion because it does not clarify that the statement is based on a publicly known opinion. A more proper presentation for each point of view should have started with any of the following:  
  
*According to those who support the idea of a longer prison sentence...  
There are people who believe that a longer prison sentence...  
Those who believe in a longer prison sentence say that...*  
  
*Those who oppose the longer prison sentence say that...  
Those who advocate for alternatives to a longer prison sentence...  
Some people would like to consider alternatives to a longer prison sentence such as...*  
  
By using any of the alternative opening sentences for your discussion paragraphs, you will be in a better position to clearly represent each point of view in the discussion before finally presenting your own opinion prior to the concluding paragraph. Do your best to focus only one the development of one reason or one evidence of the effectiveness of a longer or alternative to a prison sentence in order to create a stronger paragraph statement that will best display your English thinking and writing skills. Based on the instructions I have indicated above, you should already have realized that your closing paragraph is in error and should be improved upon in your succeeding practice tests.
1) You misunderstood between 'longer prison sentence' and 'increase prison sentence', mate. The former means a longer period of time a person spend in jail, while the latter indicates the growth of situations in which criminals are put into jail. Be more careful when paraphrasing.  
  
2) 'reduce' and 'prevent' are not synonyms.  
3) It is more natural to say 'reach the aim' rather than 'do the aim'. You need to gain more knowledge in collocation.  
4) Your expressing way is cumbersome, unnecessarily complicated, sometimes, your sentences do not make sense. Remember to check your work afterwards as if you were a reader, not a writer. If you cannot understand what the essay is about, you have to do it again.  
  
5) Pay more attention to spelling. It is a basic mistake to spell words wrong, but it will lower your score considerably.  
6) Too long sentences will make it harder for people to track your work.  
In general, I think you have ideas, though they are not so appropriate and convincing. However, you need to fix the way you organise the opinions. I guess that you have just started writing ielts essays, so it is a must to build a strong foundation of vocabulary and structures. Practice can wait until you have all the materials need to create an acceptable paper.
**Happiness is considered very important in life.  
Why is it difficult to define?  
What factors are important in achieving happiness?**  
  
## People may be happy for different reasons

  
  
The sole aim of every human being is to live happily. Thus we can assume that happiness plays pivotal role in our lives. However, it takes lots of effort to define the meaning of happiness. In this essay, I will argue the reasons for this issue and suggest some factors that are crucial to reach the true happiness.  
  
In the sense that people's goal in livelihood varies widely the deinition of being happy of each individual also differs from that of other's. Possesing happiness in life, to some people, means having good health, owning a huge amount of material value or being in a romantic relationship. In addition, some people define the state less complicated as having a nice family or just being able to exist.  
  
In order to achieve this feeling, there are two factors that should not be ignored. Firstly, those who target living happily must be patient. This is because not everything, which makes human happy, is easy to possess, for instance, a big sum of money, a fit body, love... Besides, proper conception is of the same importance. Today, so many people aim to reach happiness supposing that it should be wealth or career success but forget that taking care of their own family members is a kind of happiness as well. For this reason, many are unsatisfied with their lives on account of misunderstanding that their goals are not fulfilled although they have already possessed happiness.  
  
In conclusion, happiness, though vital, is hard to give a general deinition by virtue of difference in thinking among individuals. Nevertheless, it is not a painstaking process at all to achieve this mental treasure, as long as we have patience and appreciate the presence of what we have already obtained.
Tran, this is an acceptable essay. There are a few problems that lowered the writing standard that you presented which I would like to call your attention to. In the second paragraph, your first sentence is improperly developed and shows tremendous incoherence in the manner that you wrote it. The sentence does not make any sense in English. You need to remember that you cannot just write an English version of your Vietnamese thoughts. You need to make sure that the sentence is properly translated into English for it to make sense to the reader. Transliteration gets you a messy, incoherent and non-cohesive sentence / paragraph.  
  
You are trying to discuss too many things in each paragraph. In order to create a well written and paragraph that will pass the cohesiveness and coherence test, you must present only one idea for discussion and develop that thoroughly. Try to avoid using special punctuation marks like ellipses (...) since this is an academic essay and the special punctuation marks are more used in the creative writing field.  
  
For the conclusion, you need to just focus on summarizing the previous content of the essay. Don't bother with introducing new discussion points as you did here because you cannot present more than 5 paragraphs for the discussion. Just make sure that you present a recap of your written work within 5 sentences and you will be alright.  
  
This is a very good attempt at writing an essay. You had a few missteps here and there but it looks like you are well on your way to improving your written abilities. Keep up the good work.
## educational degree in rich countries

  
  
**Topic: In many developing countries nowadays, it is necessary for students to get an educational degree in rich countries to gain skills that would help them acquire better jobs in their own country more quickly.**  
  
Studying overseas in developed countries with the hope of obtaining the educational degree to achieve a brighter career is a controversy. Although supporters believe there are more pros than cons, I would like to express my contradiction to this point with several reasons below.  
  
For starters, on the education side, more and more international schools make better learning condition in both theoretical and practical study. There is an enormous increase in schools from primary schools to universities which teaching, learning, and facilities are familiar with foreign schools. Therefore, students will experience the modern and active education environment. For instance, RMIT University in Vietnam is one of the best international universities with good learning and teaching quality, has a lot of native and well - working students, especially in marketing or finance fields.  
  
Another undeniable fact is that besides accessing modern and high-tech economic, students studying abroad are easily lulled in social evils. When living in an open-minded environment, a number of undeterminated young people who cannot control themselves will become naughty, and waste of time or involving bad habits instead of spending time at schools. Moreover, influencing and educating foreign social evils to others after returning to their own country is a potential disadvantage. Shisha and electric cigarettes are living examples of bad culture from foreign nations to our country due to overseas students.  
  
Of course, there is no concealing the recorded cases of successful people who study abroad and achieve higher positions in famous companies in their own country, it is more important to remember that they can consistently gain soft skills by self-studying so that all their work hard will pay off.  
  
Generally speaking, the acquisition of learning in developed nations is unnecessary for people who can learn in their own country, with the determination of working hard and studying more and more day after day.