dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Your first sentence in the paraphrased introduction does not offer the information as stated in the original. You added information about quality of life, which is not supported in the original presentation. You need to make sure that you do not add information to the presentation because it changes the accuracy of your topic explanation, which is scored in your TA score. You should have simply stated the new version focusing on the discussion topic of students studying abroad instead of their own country.  
  
Your reasoning paragraphs are not evenly developed. Your 2 advantage reasons are far better explained than the disadvantage reasons. If you offer 2 advantages, then offer 2 disadvantages as well. Yes, you did offer 2 disadvantages, but neither were as fully explained as your advantage reasons. So the second reasoning paragraph would be considered under developed in this instance, affecting the C&C score of your essay.  
  
I apologize but I cannot score your essay because that is no longer a free service offered by the forum. To get a scoring based review, you need to make this thread urgent or use our private review service.  
  
**Warning! Student scoring = Ban**
## agree or disagree with the statement

  
  
Technology has radically transformed almost every parts of human life.I disagree with the argument that early technological developments changed our lives more than latest developments since they both had equal impacts on humanity  
  
Many early technologies helped people and changed the way we live.The invention of printing, for example, had a huge effect on the way we communicate knowledge and information. The printing process allowed books and newspapers to be produced quickly in large numbers, which meant that information became accessible to many people.The telephone was another instance that revolutionised communication, allowing people to speak from different locations  
  
However, that does not necessarily mean that recent developments pale in comparison to early ones.As artificial intelligence ad advances, people are allowed to access to unlimited information at a touch of button.Moreover, AI accurately performs tasks such as recognition of images, speech and decision making. Another example must be robots as they become favorable in many fields.People will not have to risk their lives with dangerous jobs.In addition to such roles, the pressure will be lessen on medical staffs and healthcare systems as robots may be able to interact with and support patients when nurses or carers are limited in supply.Indeed, such developments are already underway  
  
In conclusion, it seems to me that both early and recent developments equally affected on humanity beyond our expectations
I cannot say that this essay will get a passing score. You see, the minimum word requirement for the Task 2 essay is 250 words. There are percentage points deductions applied when you write less than that number of words. Since you wrote only 223 words, the essay will struggle to achieve a passing score. Add to this problem the fact that you did not appropriately accomplish the TA requirements, you should be able to understand why the essay is not really going to achieve a passing mark.  
  
For starters, this is an extent essay. It is not a simple agree or disagree question you are responding to. In the response sentence, you have to make sure that you provide an extent response. The extent response should either indicate an emotional strength of your dis/agreement (I strongly...) or, a measured response based on reasoning topics (I dis/agree with this statement to the extent that ....)  
  
When you disagree with the statement, you need to prove your point by showcasing 2 reasoning paragraphs that deal with 2 reasons for your opinion. Based on your personal understanding of the situation, you should provide an explanation that will help support your opinion. Do not compare the two points of view because this is not an A/D or P/N discussion essay. This is a straightforward single opinion explanation in support of your chosen opinion.  
  
Build your opinion through explanations. Aim to write between 275-290 words. Use the conclusion to properly remind the people of the given topic, your opinions, and why you believe your opinion is correct.
## In many countries today insufficient respect is shown to older people

  
  
The obligation to respect older people is a norm that needs to be maintained and taught. The ability to show respect is considered justifiable behavior and vice versa. However, nowadays, some young people show disrespect for older people. This essay will discuss the major causes and effects of this problem.  
  
To begin with, the lack of respect for older people mostly because comes from the lack of emphasis on teaching the younger generation regarding this matter. The inconsistency of thinking and point of view among them also contributes to this problem. Along with the development of technology and science, education becomes more focused on the ability to master these things and is often not balanced with moral education. This has made many young people ignore social and moral values. Next, the tendency of the younger generation to frequently use technology is often considered negative by older people because they deplore it and assume that as not a healthy habit. In response, young adults or teenagers will be exasperating. Besides, some things are considered good by older people but are not considered good by the younger generation and vice versa.  
  
As the result, if the younger generation does not show adequate respect for older people, there will be deterioration of moral values and social fabric which is likely to continue to the next generation. People will find it difficult to respect others and social and moral values will be ignored. Also, family and friendship relationships will not be going well. If family relationships are not able to be harmoniously established, it will greatly affect the children. The circle of moral decay in society will continue to rotate and get worse if it is continued.  
  
To conclude, the antipathy for older people does occur in many countries. Even so, this situation should not be tolerated. People should do their best so the righteous habit of showing respect to older people is maintained.
You need to provide a direct representation of the original prompt in the paraphrase section. It would also help your TA score more if you provided a direct response to each question rather than simply indicating what you will be discussing in the essay. That would help increase the C&C section of your score since you will be giving an outline of your upcoming discussion paragraphs, thus proving that you fully understood the question and are capable of offering quick responses to the questions. These presentations will combine to help increase both the TA and C&C scores right from the start. It will give your essay a strong launching pad score-wise.  
  
You managed to provide several reasons and results in your reasoning paragraphs. None of which are properly supported with personal knowledge, experience, or public information. There is no example to illustrate any of the reasons provided. Your presentation paragraph is therefore under developed. Don't give me several reasons, give me several supported reasons. Or, in this case, one fully developed reason as the prompt instructed. Give me the reason, the basis for the reason, an example of the reason in action, and a quick explanation of why that example is relevant to the discussion.
## the consumption of fast food in the UK

  
  
The given line graph illustrates the weekly expenditure of fast food on 3 categories in the UK in the period from 1970 to 1990  
It can be clearly seen that fish is likely to be the most popular food consumpted in the UK. In addition, there is an upward trend in the number of fish & chips and pizza expenditure, compared to a downward trend in the figure of hamburger spending during the research period.  
  
The first striking feature observed from the graph is that the number of pizza eaten was by far highest in the UK, at more than 300 grams in 1970. By contrast,the figure for hamburger was significantly lower,at around 30 grams. Additionally, approximately 80 grams of fish&chips were eaten by UK citizens In the same year. Interestingly,the year 1982 witnessed an equal quantity in the fish&chips and pizza consumption, at about 200 grams  
  
When it comes to 1990, fish&chips weekly consumption increased dramatically to 500 grams whereas hamburger's figure rose slightly to 300 grams. At the same time, the number of pizza spending is likely to remain stable at roughly 200 grams
You should attach the line graph so that others can help you. I did this topic before and as a learner, I can give you some advice.  
  
First, you need to name what kinds of fast food is mentioned in the line graph, something like this: "expenditure of three particular kinds of fast food, which are hamburger, fish and chips, and pizza".  
  
"Fish is likely to be the most...". I think "likely" and words related to probability should not be used in Task 1. Furthermore, you should write "fish and chips", not "fish"  
  
You should avoid words expressing your emotions like "surprisingly", "interestingly"  
I hope other admins can give you more helpful review.
## starting work right after school or to continue higher level studies

  
  
These days, after gradutating from high school, a lot of students often wonder whether they ought to keep on studying at university or not. Many people believe that it will be the best way to a sucessful career if the young go to university, whereas others think that working right after high school is a better option.  
  
There are a variety of benefits to going to university. First, a degree can open the door to better employment prospects. The labour market is becoming more and more competitive than ever before, as hundreds of applicants often chase well remunerated works, and university gradutes usually get a much higher salary than those without a degree. Furthermore, most jobs require specific knowledge and skills. For instance, skilled workers are needed for sectors such as information technology and engineering.  
  
On the other hand, having a job straight after high school is advantageous in some ways. Firstly, by working, young people will be able to earn money as soon as possible, and since they will likely to be mature enough, they will be to live independently on their own income. Secondly, a person who chooses to get a job instead of pursuing higher education is likely to make a rapid progress in their career. This may help them to obtain a lot of real experience and skills in their chosen profession.  
  
According to the above analysis, it is evident that both starting work right after finishing school and choosing to continue higher level studies each have their own unique good aspects, which also leads to a sucessful career in the future
With 266 words written, one would say that you should have written a pretty good essay. The problem, is that you discussed both points of view from a personal standpoint, totally neglecting the keywords in the original prompt that referred to the method of discussion / format for the presentation. The prompt said :Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.  
  
Now, the discuss both points of view part should have been based on the use of third person pronouns. How should you have known that you needed to discuss the public point of view first? Read the original presentation. Look at the pronoun keywords: Some people, others. Both refer to the point of view of the general public / audience. Then, the personal opinion reference: your opinion. Count the discussion paragraphs, 2 public, 1 personal. 3 paragraphs. One for each discussion presentation.  
  
Review your presentation. You never use a pronoun in the paragraphs that would identify the source of the opinion. The pronoun usage is a major part of the scoring in this presentation as it relates directly to your GRA score. The pronouns used helps the examiner figure out how well you can structure or form your English sentences. Without it, the general discussion you present would appear to be only personal in nature.  
  
So, while your discussion may have good reference points, the lack of proper reasoning formation in the middle of the essay are what weakened the presentation.
## reasons for travel and public travel issues

  
  
The bar chart illustrates the percentages of various reasons why people travel and the pie chart indicates the proportions of six major problems about travelling public in the US in the year 2009.  
  
Overall, It is clear that work was the most popular reason of travelling. It is also noticeable that people living in America had difficulty in considering the price of travelling.  
  
Looking at the bar chart more details, the proportion of to and from work was the highest, with 49%. While, visiting friends or relatives accounted for the lowest percentage, only 6%. The figures for social or recreation, shopping and personal reasons were significantly than that of to and from work, with 10%, 16% and 19% respectively.  
  
In terms of major problems, price was the most popular issue, which took up the highest rate, at 36%. Meanwhile, the ratio of space for pedestrians was six times lower than that of price, only 6%, compared to Access to public transport, at 8%. The figures of three remaining categories were 1.8 times lower than that of Price for travel, with 14%, 17% and 19% respectively.  
  
*
Your first paragraph, the summary overview, is a marathon to read. There was not a single punctuation mark used in a sentence that should have been fully utilizing periods and commas, at the very least, to help the reader take a pause, which would have helped the reader better understand what you are saying. This is a perfect example of a run-on sentence. Remember, the clarity of your paragraphs comes the way you divide your thoughts and information into sentences, without it, the reader cannot properly analyze the information presented. This error will definitely pull down your GRA score in a major way.  
  
In the last paragraph, you capitalized "Access", since that word is not a noun, it should not be written in upper case. Only proper nouns are written in upper case in the middle of a sentence. The first pronoun I is also capitalized in such instances.
***Some people think the money spent on developing technology for space exploration is not justified. They are more beneficial ways to spend this money.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
There have been endless arguments about the amount of money spent on outer space research. While I support the view that the investments given to these works should be allocated for other problems on Earth, I also agree that space exploration is essential and worth the cost.  
  
On the one hand, space discovery is of importance in developing human's civilization. Indeed, studying about the zero-gravity space has expanded human's knowledge, contributing to the technological advancement. The most notable invention to illustrate that is satellites. Satellites communication has provided GPS and the weather forecast, two crucial tools that have been widely adopted in modern society. What's more, space exploration enables human beings to establish a new society on another planet, which would be a big leap in human's civilization. For these reasons, space studying is not a drain on the economy.  
  
On the other hand, it is claimed that space research expense could be used more beneficially. In fact, human beings have been facing acute problems which require immediate actions. On this account, if millions of dollars were put into crop development, education or other pressing issues, a good many lives would be saved. In other words, these serious concerns cannot be ignored and less spent compared to space exploration.  
  
To conclude, I believe space expedition work is essential and has benefited humanity, however, the money on these studies should be also invested into tackling global problems so as to maintain a balanced society development.
You forgot that the minimum word requirement for the task 2 essay is 250 words. You wrote a mere 244 words. Just imagine how many percentage points will be deducted from the overall score just because you missed out on 6 words. Every scoring consideration counts so missing out on something as simple as the word count will really have an effect on your final score, regardless of how small the number of missing words are.  
  
You have changed the prompt discussion requirements. By adding information that is not required in the original discussion instruction, you have created a prompt deviant essay. Please refer to the following to see how you changed the discussion parameters which have led to the essay no longer responding properly to the prompt / the response is not in the expected format:  
  
OT: Some people think the money spent on developing technology for space exploration is not justified.  
Reason: They are more beneficial ways to spend this money.  
Question: To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
  
Your version:  
YT: There have been endless arguments about the amount of money spent on outer space research.  
Reason: None provided based on the original discussion  
Response: I support the view that the investments given to these works should be allocated for other problems on Earth  
Deviation: I also agree that space exploration is essential and worth the cost.  
  
There is only one question being asked: To what extent do you agree or disagree that the amount of money spent on space exploration is justified? If yes, why? If no, then how do you think the money should be spent to benefit others? Perhaps it is a response formatting problem. It is always better to refer to your extent response in the following manner, or variations of this response:  
  
I agree with the given discussion based on the reason that...  
I disagree with the statement to the extent that space exploration is essential and worth the cost.  
  
You have to offer a clear singular response upon which your discussion paragraphs will be built. This is a single opinion essay so you have to show a clarity of your opinion and a clear singular side to defend in the presentation.
Question:  
***Many people believe that family members have less communications with each other compared to the past.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
Over the past decades, everyone has been witnessed numerous inevitable challenges in today's life. Because of this matter, a section of society claims that families have faced a lack of communication compared to the earlier days, and I agree with them. I sincerely believe that this situation is the result of the type of individuals' attitude to how they have a better life.  
  
To reach prosperity, people of today need to do more work. Moreover, due to the growth of technology and social media, the majority of the population has spent most of the leisure time in, and so eventually never be any time for the loved ones. Following modern life lead to some habitual acts among citizens such as lesser talking and faster transfer data by anyway. For instance, one research at UCLA university over 10 years ago, shows that parents of preschoolers have got little time by playing their own children, about 15% lesser than the past decade at beginning of the research.  
  
On the other hand, there is a great difference in perspective among elderly people, youngsters, and kids, through each age group experienced a various type of lifestyle as well as facilities. Therefore, they have not any tendency to more connection with other family members. While the extinction of interaction between relatives who lived earlier periods, they had more sympathy and empathy for each other; one of the significant means which makes a sustainable family.  
  
By way of conclusion, modern family has faced to lack of time to spend by together, yet I want to restate that its reasons are the kind of today's lifestyle and moreover, by Contrasts of views.
The question is asking you a question that deals with the present time. Therefore, it is improper for you to use the past tense reference for the activity "witnessing" You say that people either "bear witness to the current development of" or, "have been witnessing", which means to see something consistently from the past to the present time. You also began a sentence with the conjunction "because". You cannot start any sentence with a conjunction as the use of the word requires a pre-existing set of information to justify coming from the beginning sentence information.  
  
Your example in the second paragraph is also incorrect as it deal with playing time instead of communication time. You need to provide relevant examples that focus on the given topic. Never change the information to suit what you know. Your information should always suit the required discussion points as provided.  
  
The second reasoning paragraph does not contain a reason and justification for your point of view. You have not focused on truly convincing the reader of your point of view as your topics do not relate to communication. There are no clear examples to support your claims as you indicated in your prompt paraphrase.  
  
Review your apostrophe uses. You do not need an apostrophe in reference to the plural form of "individuals". In the concluding paragraph, do not use a memorized phrase such as "by way of conclusion" because that is not only an improperly formatted sentence, but it also does not show any grammar range or skill on your part that would indicate an English writing proficiency.
Question:  
***Individuals can do nothing to improve the environment; only governments and large companies can make a difference.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
Nowadays, the environment has been a trending topic. Ordinary people are said to have no impacts on environmental improvements, while huge organizations and authorities can make a difference, which I do not support thanks to several reasons.  
  
Firstly, it is no doubt that governments and big companies have more enormous impacts on the environment. An ordinary citizen, however, can provide a means of environment protection by raising the public's awareness. In other words, every individual needs to understand the potential risks they might face if he or she keeps destroying their habitats. For example, leaflets, brochures, or billboards about environmental issues should be sent to every household family to understand its importance. As a result, the chance of better their surrounding environment might increase.  
  
Secondly, I am of the opinion that people can do something to better the environment by recycling. It means the general public should make attempts to reuse everything from an item they bought, namely wrapping papers, boxes, and bags. Such attempts could be an epitome of the environment protection efforts from each individual. According to some reports conducted in Vietnam, millions of garbage were released into the environment last year. Had those things been reused for different purposes, the significant improvements would be made for our environment. Thus, the environment could be improved.  
  
In conclusion, it is undeniable that individuals, not only governments or big corporations, can make differences to help the environment in many ways, such as raising awareness about the environment and recycling household waste.