dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hi Giansy, I have feedback for you and I hope it helps  
1. ... face in the 21st Century and ~~sea levels~~ sea level ~~are~~ is continuing to rise at alarming rates.  
2. ... confront dangerous ~~sea levels~~ sea level........  
3. I think dam must be constructed in mountain area, not lower locale.  
4.he second ~~number~~ populated areas in Indonesia.  
  
above are several mistakes in your wariting, it can be seen that you should revise your writing...  
keep fight :)
**In some countries it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
At the present time, several countries have introduced the policy prohibiting smoking in public area. I firmly agree with this idea as smoke of cigarette can be harmful for passive smoking and such policy would create a clean environment .  
  
Firstly, smoke of cigarette not only makes the smoker risky with their health, but also it endangers second-hand smokers because each cigarette contained hazardous substance such as tar and nicotine. They believe that smoking is optional, while breathing is not. This irritating habit has immeasurable effect on society. For example, people who are smoker are vulnerable suffering disease like, lung cancer, heart disease, stroke, and another one, rather than people not smoke. Furthermore, because of one smoker, many people will be vulnerable to get disease. Smoking in adequate place can slowly decrease the impact of cigarette. At least, by making it illegal, government expects to take care of its citizens.  
  
Aside from the previous discussion, fresh air needed is no less important. Smoker should restrain their desire to smoke while they are inside the building to create clean air. Smoke of cigarette can disturb people's activities such as, poisoning of air quality, eyes irritation, and fumes smell. For instance, based on research of Jakarta youngster organization in several companies found that since smoke is prevented inside room, level of healthy employee is increasing, and the significant improvement comes from the decreasing nicotine level in urine of worker. It is clear that banning the smoker from getting in the public place would prevent the air from pollution  
  
To summarize, prohibiting smoke in public area and inside office may reduce health-care cost, work place become more effective and create clean environment.
**Question:  
  
In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?**  
  
Regional areas like suburbs is recommended by governments for being industries and business center. I agree that the advantages is more than disadvantages. Even though such policy would be time-consuming to reach the relocation point, the gradual decrease of traffic congestion far outweigh any drawbacks.  
  
The workers should predict the time to arrive in the new relocated places. This is because the distance spent to these places is quite far, making them spend more time in the road. For instance, survey in 2009 by international labor organization state about 80% of workers are on the road between 4am until 9am to go to the new relocated places that make them unsatisfied. It means they have to plan for arriving in the place as fast as they can. However, it is not be a problem for them because in the fact many countries now have been planning to built the public transportation that can connect each location quickly.  
  
On the other hand, the relocated business center will bring the opportunity for improving the road. This obviously will result in the significant decrease of traffic jam, easing the business activities conducted by humans. For instance, survey in 2010 by international labor organization about a number of vehicle experienced decrease at 25% in the city. This policy brings significant benefit for the economic growth in the areas.  
  
In conclusion, the effect from the movements of industrial and business area is the worker spent more time to arrive there. However, the number of vehicles in the city and traffic jam will be reduced.
hai dika  
here is my suggestions for you  
hope it works  
  
... business center will be bring the opportunity ...  
  
... the significant decrease of the traffic jam, ~~easing~~easier for the business activities ...  
... international labor organization about ~~a number~~a lot of vehicle experienced ...  
... benefit for the economic growth in ~~the~~these areas.  
  
In conclusion, the effect ~~from~~of the movements of (...) is the worker~~s~~are spent more time to arrive in there.  
  
thanks
***In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?***  
  
the authority are pushing companies to displace their workplace to the outside of cities in several countries. even tough it can deal with pollution problem faced in the city, the disadvantage of the increasing time spent by people to the relocation point outnumbers any benefits.  
  
It is commonly thought that the policy can decrease pollution in the urban area. This is due to the fact that the emissions coming from manufacturing do not exist in the city. For example, a current survey carried out by the Chinese government in 2010 released that the rate of pollution decreased dramatically by 30% in the town since relocation industries to the rural area. However, this policy can not fully solve the problem as the pollution is still released from private cars.  
  
apart from the previous discussion, workers have to spend a lot of time in the way towards a company when the policy is taken . This is due to the fact that the distance between the relocation point and people's residence is quite long. For example, United states employment council released the result of survey in 2011 that showed 80% of employee require 5 hours in the journey to reach the business place since industries moved to outskirt. This means this policy add the burden not only for the workers but also for the employee when dealing with time management. Therefore, such policy gives more demerits than it benefits.  
  
In conclusion, although the rate of pollution still exists, the drawback of this relocation makes workers spend a lot of time to the workplace. It is recommended that governments also have a big role to manage this condition with make a home for workers around industry's environment.
*The authorities are pushing ...*I would prefer to say "Authorities in some countries are pushing ....."  
  
E ven th ough it can deal with pollution problem ...  
Capital E, though not tough.  
Perhaps you can rephrase this sentence. *Even though it helps in dealing with pollution in the city, the policy ...* You will explain the disadvantages on the next sentences. Then conclude at the end, whether it outnumbers the advantages.
Im taking ielts this cominng december.can u please help me check my essay...please.i really need your help  
  
Task 2: **It is often thought that increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media. What do you think it is the reason for a growth in the rate of juvenile crime?** (ANSWER THIS ON THE SECOND PARAGRAPH) **What solutions can you offer to deal with this situation?** (THIRD PARAGRAPH)  
  
Nowadays, notable increase of delinquent act is concern of all the people. Some populace claims that it is because of the intense aggressive behavior that usually can be seen on various programs in medias while others think that there are more contributing factors that lead young individuals to commit wrong doings. However, I personally believe that there are supporting programs that can help lessen this kind of bad act.  
  
To start, some other risk factors that are associated to juvenile crimes are poverty, lack of education and unstable family or family cruelty. Poverty correlates to lack of education. Children who lives in poverty are unable to attend school and learn proper education. They rather stay on the streets and mix with other people that they do not know.Also, due to poverty the basic needs of their children are not supported as well. For that reason, it is obviously that these young individuals would do anything to survive likely stealing or sometimes get involve in more serious crime just to earn money to support their necessities.  
  
Another risk factor is unstable family or family abuse. Characteristics of a child is depends on how they were raised and influenced by their loved ones. For an instance, a child who grow up with broken family, rivalry among siblings, unsupportive family members are mostly feel neglected. They tend to get the attention of their guardians by participating to other gangs which often get involve in crimes.  
  
Interestingly, in every problems there are always solutions behind it. One of these is, proper guidance of the family and being a good example to them. Also, supporting programs that a government can offer like free education and promoting extra curricular activities like sports in which these children will divert their attention from doing unnecessary things.  
  
I therefore conclude that family and the government play important role in reducing the number of teenage participation to crime. A child needs love and proper guidance from their own family while the government should provide programs that will help them avoid wrongdoings.
Hi May, you did not do bad with this essay. In my opinion, it can actually get a score of 5. There are many positive aspects of your essay but what I would like to discuss with you are the evident problems that reduced your writing score. You need to work on improving your English vocabulary. It is obvious that you are trying your best to present yourself as a person with adequate English language skills. Continued reading of English materials and writing practice will help you better hone those skills in particular. Right now, you have a limited use of sentence structures. That is not really a problem as your sentences can become more complex as you settle into the use of English as a spoken and written language for yourself. As of now, these are the major issues that I can see in your essay. Remember, the essay is good. You just need to work on its written development and presentation.
~~Nowadays, notable increase of delinquent act is concern of all the people~~impression violence of media can extremely affect increasing the number of juvenile delinquency. . Some populace claim~~s~~ that it is because of (...) factors that can lead young individuals to commit ~~wrong doings.~~in crime  
  
... and unstable family ~~or family cruelty~~ . where poverty correlates to ...  
  
Children who live~~s~~[children as a subject] in poverty are unable to ...  
  
... it is obviously that ~~these young individuals~~teenagers would do anything to (...) or sometimes get involv*ed* in more serious crime just ...
***Some people think that online computer games are useful for children, while others claim are bad. What are advantages and disadvantages of online computer game for children?***  
  
Some people believe that game online is a good activity for children, others say is a bad action. While the games can make children critical in thinking, this also makes children vulnerable to suffer impaired vision.  
  
The presence of games can help increase children's concentration. This is because many games force children to explore their thinking ability in solving any problems or find a strategic way in winning the battle. For example, research in MIT University showed that playing games about 20 minutes before the study can elicit a concentration in learning. therefore, it is true that game can be utilized to make children more creative.  
  
However, it is also accepted that game online can deteriorate children eyesight capability. The reason for this is children spend much time in front of the monitor. For instance, Health Ministry of Indonesia released the result of survey in 2015 that showed 60% of students using glasses to aid their vision due to playing online game. It is true that when children play games with a long duration, it makes their sight poor.  
  
In conclusion, although online game gives a positive impact on children's brain, it is also involving their healthy such an eyesight problem is sensitive for children. I recommended parent's role to supervise children and restrict usage online game as long as their activities.
HI Riandi. The essay is a very good start for a writing task practice exercise. I believe that this could be scored a high 6 in an actual test. There is clear evidence that you understood the prompt and know exactly how you wanted to discuss it. However, your sentence structure was problematic and grammar mistakes were quite obvious. Luckily, these mistakes did not affect the transfer of information to the reader. It was still possible for the reader to get an idea as to what you were trying to say. The effort you put into writing this essay did not get wasted. It has its good and bad points with the good outweighing the bad. You have the potential to pass the test. Just keep practicing and don't lose hope. Your work can and will constantly get better.
Question:  
**Some people think that online computer games are useful for children, while others claim are bad. What are advantages and disadvantages of online computer game for children?**  
  
Answer:  
  
It is commonly believed that online games attract children to spend their leisure time on computer screen. Some people believe this activity is more beneficial for children, whereas other claim it highly unacceptable. Even though, the disadvantages from this habit will spend a lot of money and less time to focus on studying but it will also teach children how to do decision-making and less pressure  
  
It is known that some people regard playing online computer games will consume plenty of time for children. This activity is not only wasting much money but it also spends time which should be used for studying. In additional, letting children playing online games will accustom them to obtrude to get what they want. Obviously, if parents do not follow their willing, they become an isolate person and it will make them have no spirit to study or attend school. It is true that some citizens say online computer games will make children spending a lot of money before they can focus on studying and earn money for financing their life  
  
On the other side, there are some benefits which are brought by online computer games according to others people. Children will know how to decide something related to their future life and also will help to less their stress feeling. Besides that, playing games will keep their mind busy and become more responsibility due to types of games they play such as puzzle games can stimulate their creativity and releasing stress since parents demand them to be perfect kids at home or school. It is often said that online games have some benefits to help kids being more creative to do decision-making and less their gloomy feeling.  
  
Overall, it is needless to say that although, some people believe online games give positive impact for teenagers like less stress feeling and good to decide something, others said it is definitely worse because the drawbacks of this activity are spending much money and less time to prepare school subjects.
How are you, eve01? Here is my feedback which might help you reinforce your ideas in later writing sessions.  
I will only take care of the first and second paragraphs (the introduction and the first body).  
  
Green = My personal recommendation (optional)  
Red = Things you need to fix.  
  
... activity is more beneficial ~~for~~to children than to adults (because you used the word "more" earlier in this sentence) , whereas other claim that it (or the statement)is highly unacceptable. Even though, (here is not where you put a comma when using "even though") the disadvantages from this habit will ~~spend~~(cost or let people waste) a lot of money and less time to focus on studying ~~but~~,(here is where the comma has to be placed!) it will ~~also~~ teach children how to ~~do~~(enhance or improve) decision-making and ~~less~~(minimize) pressure.  
  
It is known that some people ~~regard~~ believe playing online computer ...  
... wasting much money but ~~it~~ also spends time which should be used (spent) for studying. In ~~additional~~addition , letting children play~~ing~~ online games will ...  
..., they become ~~an~~ isolated~~person~~people (because you used "they" earlier) and it will make ...  
... games will make children spend~~ing~~ a lot of money before they ...
Hi ms. Eva, i have some corrections for you.  
  
Even though~~,~~ the disadvantages from (...) to focus on studying, but it will also teach ...  
[even though s+v, s+v]  
  
This activity is not only wasting much money but ~~it~~ also spends time ...  
[same subject]  
  
Overall, it is needless to say that ~~although~~ some people believe ...
**Some parents think that childcare center provide the best services for children of pre-school age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their kids. Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
Recently, some parents are so busy with their work choose to give to childcare, while other person argue that family will be better to look after their children. Giving children to childcare center will be batter because childcare professionals offer a better overall service than they give children to family.  
  
The children given to their family will not be better rather children are in childcare center because family has lees knowledge to educate their children and also they are not like childcare center having many facilities to encourage educated activity for children. Besides, family tends to coddle children even more they just give affection without education. For example, Grandmother looking after grandchild like children doing mistakes or against parents should give advice in order to do the same mistake but in fact, they just impressed ignore what their children have done.  
  
Most of parents are full time to work so that they get difficulty to give their children attention should be given for them. This tends to make their parents giving them to childcare center which they considered competent institution which can give them a better service. This is because childcare center give full facilities to encourage activity which make their children are more cultivated. Besides, they have many professional teacher educating children accurately. For example, it can imagine if institution of childcare whose teachers do not know how to teach, how to face children who is difficult to control. It is clear that this condition explains the importance of professional teachers needed by their parents to educate their children because this can improve ability and skill children.  
  
On the whole, educating children will be better if the parents give to the childcare center because those have full facilities, professional teachers, so that the high level of service provided by daycare professionals trumps that of unqualified family members.
Hi i have feedback for your essay  
>>> subject +verb agreement  
>>> repetitions some words :)  
  
Most ~~of~~ parents ~~are~~have full time ~~to~~ work ~~so that~~and~~they~~~~get~~~~difficulty~~~~to~~it is difficult for them to~~give their~~ take care of their children while they are working~~attention should be given for them~~ .  
  
This tends to make ~~their~~worker parents give~~ing~~their kids to childcare center which ...  
  
... childcare center gives full facilities  
  
keep writing
***In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?***  
  
Several countries are currently developing their industrial center in outskirt. Even though the cons assume the industries and businesses would be difficult to reach, I firmly believe the advantage of reallocating industrial area outskirt is preponderant as the possibility traffic problem facing by the worker is less and the production cost needed by them in outskirt is cheaper.  
  
It is commonly believe the distance connecting big cities and outskirt area is one of the reasons why several countries are not reallocating their industries and businesses yet. It cannot be denied that the distance may be the obstacle between worker to the workplace in industrial area and visitor to the business center. However, this statement cannot be applied not only to the developed country but also to the developing country since the development of infrastructure system that will connect every part of the country is being highly constructed. As the data reported by United Nations Development Programme (UNDP) in 2010 that more than 87% of underdeveloped countries nowadays is working progressively to build their infrastructure such as highway, railway or subway, and underwater train. As of the reason stated, it is clearly can be seen that the distance is not the problem to connect the big city and the industrial center in outskirt.  
  
On the other hand, the pros believe reallocating business center and industrial area outskirt is the best breakthrough to fix many problems faced by people living in the big cities. People living in the big cities should be dealt with busy traffic and expensive cost so that they assume to move the business center and industrial area outskirt will bring more advantages. The same data reported by United Nations Development Programme (UNDP) in 2010 showed that the advantages of reallocating business center and industrial area outskirt is not only minimizing the traffic problems facing by the worker and decreasing the production cost needed by them but also as much as 63% of the countries reallocating their business center and industrial area outskirt is experiencing positive impact that the tourism number where the business center and industrial area build is incline. By many reasons stated, it is acceptable that the drawback of reallocating business center and industrial area outskirt is less.  
  
As a result, the advantages of reallocating the industries area and business center in outskirt outweighs the disadvantages since it is supported by the fact that the traffic problem in outskirt is rarer and the production cost is cheaper.
hello there,,  
let me give some correction for you..  
  
1.It is commonly ~~believe~~*( believed )* the distance connecting ...  
2.the workplace in ~~industrial~~*( put article an or the " an idustrial area)* area and visitor ...  
3.... working progressively to build their *infrastructure* ( such as highway  
4....business center and industrial area ~~build~~**( to build)**is incline  
  
I hope my correction can be remainder to your wrting..  
thank you ..