dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The first sentence in this presentation is referred to as a throw away. That means the writer is using it to meet the wordcount only. Although it mentions some reference to the topic, it does not directly relate to the discussion foundation so it cannot be assessed as a useful part of the paragraph. Only the last 2 sentences of the presentation will be scored in direct relation and relevance to the original. The first paragraph can be composed of 2-3 sentences, provided these are all scorable in nature.  
  
Another observation for the same paragraph has to do with the reasoning outline in support of the writer's opinion. Where the writer would rather not state his reasons, then he should not indicate  
  
my reasons run as follows  
since the examiner already knows that instruction. It is a non-scorable phrase as well. It would be better and scorable if the writer provides a proper reasoning statement instead. Every sentence in every paragraph should make or move the discussion forward. Do not say empty things as these will not help the sectional and final scores.  
  
The writer missed out on the correct discussion format. He was to discuss both public opinions and offer his thoughts on each aspects (de) merits. This prompt tests the logical thinking of the person, as well as his ability to counter debate opposing sides. This is an essay that requires a 2 opinion analysis instead of a single opinion defense. He accidentally used the incorrect discussion format.
***Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

  
  
Over the past few years, varied cultural events have no longer remained their spirits as most attendees join in just for their own excitement. I strongly comply with this view on the grounds that festive occasions are now more of a business than a religious preservation it used to be.  
  
Admittedly, festivals attract a massive inflow of money. In other words, many travellers indulge in going on tours whose tickets include a visit to tribal villages since they are bored with normal sightseeing destinations, and those areas do allow incomers to enjoy their distinct long-lasting traditions. For instance, trips to far-flung mountains are especially engaged by wealthy families in Sai Gon who accept to spend immensely travelling to have a life-time opportunity to dance and play with the tribes during their commemorations. Therefore, it is money that significantly contributes to a serious loss of meaning of plentiful cultural events.  
  
Furthermore, religious conservation is by no means a pivotal reason of organizing festive occasions anymore. In retrospect, attendees were from only surrounding neighborhoods, and they came to celebrate memorable achievements only; however, it is inevitable that those parities are now occuring so often that most members of a religion may feel such events dull and not special. It can also be argued that if festivals had not been increasingly organized, it would be too scarce for the tribe to meet one another and have tribal activities. On the contrary, people used to survive without losing cultures with the same frequency, so there is no reason why modern humans have to take part in more.  
  
In conclusion, during traditional celebrations, people tend to enjoy themselves in lieu of remembering the true meaning. This is because earnings are of a greater necessity than protecting the traditions.
The strength and strong scoring potential of this essay is in its ability to deliver the discussion as required. That means, the single opinion support through correct and cohesive reasoning paragraphs can be found within the presentation. This shows that the writer is totally familiar with the writing style required by the given prompt. The writer will definitely give better C+C considerations to these paragraphs.  
  
When it comes to weaknesses, the essay makes minimal errors that will lower the final score, but will not result in a failing essay. The essay cannot fail because it meets the full discussion paragraph requirements. Some errors in the presentation include:  
  
- Indicating a time frame which is not necessary since there was no mention of this in the original. It lessens the accuracy of the topic restatement.  
  
- The writer's use of the English words are sometimes incorrect. It affects the clarity of thought and coherence of the discussion. Further sentence building exercises and vocabulary building should fix these problems. It is important to note though that the examiner will not be seriously confused by the sentence structure as he will still be able to easily guess what the writer is trying to say.  
  
- The conclusion should be composed of 3 sentences. The writer forgot to reiterate his opinion as a part of the reverse paraphrase.
***Nowadays young people mostly learn by reading books or watching movies and TV shows, rather than personal experiences.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
It is true that juveniles these days demonstrate their personal preference for different media such a books or films instead of putting emphasis on hands-on experiences while learning. While I acknowledge that there are still a certain number of people who prefer the latter, I think that it is more resonable to widen young people's knowledge via books and films.  
  
On the one hand, the idea of learning through real-life experiences is beneficial due to its provision of practical knowledge. This can be explained by the fact that firsthand experiences offer individuals the authentic sensation as well as a long-lastting understanding of a myriad of subjects. For example, in comparision with reading a book about the process of making ceramics, participating in making them will greatly enhance people's comprehension of its production. Therefore, people's knowledge about a subject will definitely last longer and be more useful.  
  
Despite the above-mentioned advantage, I believe that learning through books and TV is more recommendable in terms of financial affairs. This is because books or TV shows are considerably less expensive when compared to the payment for hands-on experiences. A book about the history and geography of Hoi An - a UNESCO World Heritage site in Vietnam, for instance, is much more affordable than a journey to this breathtaking hotspot. As a result, with general less money and time, people can utilize a widd range of data for learning purposes, thus widen their horizons and knowlege.  
  
In conclusion, although rel-life experiences present a particular advantage with regard to offering pragmatic knowledge, from my perspective, it is more beneficial to gain knowledge by means of books of TV due to its inexpensive cost.
Since the response for this essay is to be based on a measured response, the opening sentence cannot begin by saying "It is true..." as this indicates a prompt deviation on the part of the writer. He has changed the response format for the essay to the point where the expected response format was not delivered to the examiner. The result will be an essay that does not fully meet the accuracy requirements.  
  
The writer's response itself is self-defeating as he relays that "I think" rather than "I fully/partially/absolutely" to name but a few acceptable response types, in the essay. By indicating "I think", he indicates uncertainty in his opinion sentence. This proves to be a scoring problem since his lack of personal opinion confidence indicates an opinion that lacks clarity. If he cannot support his opinion as required, then he has already failed the test.  
  
Since this is not a comparative essay discussion, the reasoning paragraphs will be seen as under developed and sometimes, improperly referenced. That is based on the requirement that the writer defend his opinion using 2 connected reasons in cohesive paragraphs. Only one essay will receive scoring merit since only one paragraph supports the uncertain opinion of the writer.  
  
These observations are only some of the immediate reasons that the essay will not be given a passing score. The writer's lack of response familiarity and his inability to support one solid point of view are the main failing points.
***Tittle:  
## In many parts of the world, families were larger in the past because people had more children.

  
Do you think there were more advantages or disadvantages to being part of a large family in the past ?***  
  
It is univerisally accepted that modern homes, at present, are not affording as many members as they used to in retrospect. Despite offering a wide variety of detrimental influences regarding societal features, this past trend is, in my opinion, considered beneficial with more relationships.  
  
On the one hand, containing increasing children played an integral part in enhancing connection within a house. To beign with, it is inevitable that members in that unit could build mutual relationships, and eventually expanded their social circle with younger relatives in their extended family. As a result, when reaching matureness and entering the world of employment, people could find support from trustworthy surrounders, for instance, numerous cousins created start-ups to do business together, so they would not feel distressed about strangers fooling them in invesment. Furthermore, if a student at a young age had felt isolated and too apprehensive occassionally, he or she would have looked for another member they were close to to converse about private issues, resulting in more flexible and comfortable minds afterwards.  
  
This convention, on the other hand, has posed innumerable threats to the community. There is no doubt that a immense quantity of youngsters in a family like more than 10 newborns per parent in the past was primarily responsible for the current overpopulation all over the globe, thereby becoming a massive burden of welfares for soceity to supply such as hospitals or educational institutes. In addition, after growing older and preparing for a suitbale major or career, they would find out the overwhelming intensity of choosers in comparision to much fewer demands for selection, therefore, many would have to change to another profession or got unemployed.  
  
In conclusion, I strongly believe that its advantages do outweigh its negative points. The decline in the number of members now can help today's era with lower rates of not only employment but also density; furthermore, this development has not been advocating the interaction between humans.
When an exam taker writes as incoherently as this person, he can only expect one result from the test. He will be given the lowest possible score. He will fail the test due to his inability to clearly explain himself in English. It is almost as if he aimed to get the lowest possible score in every section. This sort of writing does not show a desire to pass the test.  
  
I wonder why he feels like an authority when giving other students advice, but is incapable of seeing his own mistakes. Stop advising other students here when you cannot even write a coherent sentence in English. The paragraphs are confusing, spelling is horrible, and the overall essay violates more than several English grammar rules. The discussion is worthless due to lack of coherent expression. His writing cannot be understood by the native English speaker/ examiner.  
  
Students here should only take the advice of this person if they want to also fail the test. Any good advice he gives is only a plagarism / restatement of Educational consultant advice, for which his account will soon be banned since he already received 2 warnings about it and yet he still keeps doing it.
## student accommodation graph

  
  
Hi, I am practicing on my writing for IELTs. Is it possible for you to spare some time reading and commenting on my writing. Thank you for any help in advance. And by the way, are there any other terms that I can use to naturally paraphrase 'student' (except for 'pupil')?  
  
The graph gives information on how students' accommodation choices differed throughout the fifty-year period.  
  
Overall, it is apparent that most students preferred to be in a shared house or flat with their counterparts over the given time frame. Moreover, apart from sharing room with others, the remaining ways generally became less prevalent overtime.  
  
In the 1960s, approximately one-third of pupils chose to live with their friends in a shared place. This figure then almost doubled to 60% in the 1980s, at which point it continued to rise by a mere 5% every ten years, subsequently reaching a peak of 70% at the end of the period. In the meantime, the percentage of those who lived in dormitories was initially 15%. The number witnessed mild fluctuations between 15 and 20% in the next three decades, and eventually drop to more or less 12% in the 2000s.  
  
With regard to those who paid to stay with a host family and those living at home with their family, they registered numbers of 35% and 15% respectively in the 1960s, which were the same as the previous groups. After that, both figures went down at a relatively similar pace until the 1990s, with the former being twice as high as the latter (10% and 5% respectively). The final years, however, marked the change in preference between the two options when there was a sudden jump to roughly 12% in the proportion of students living with family, in comparison with the decrease to 5% in the other group's number.  
  
*
Synonyms that can be used are learners, disciple, school child, undergraduate, scholars, to name but a few. However, the synonym used will depend mostly on the age of the student or school level attendance. be careful with the synonym usage. For task 1 and 2 practice essays, I recommend the use of an online synonym reference to help with vocabulary building.  
  
When developing the summary, do not use alternate time references yet. Due to data clarity requirements, the inclusive years reference is needed. It helps the reader keep track of the reporting reference early on as well. Use a definitive image reference to help the reader develop a mental picture. Remember, he cannot see the image and is relying on the descriptive report for accurate data recreation.  
  
By the way, task 1 essays use between 150-200 words. Do not write this as a Task 2 essay of at least 250 words. One cannot write that many word within 20 minutes. 175 words will be sufficient for editing and scoring considerations.
## problems of overpopulation

  
  
In recent years, the world is experiencing a population explosion, this is causing a wide range of problems in our society. I would like to show some consequenses of this problem and suggest some solutions with a view to solving this issue.  
  
First of all, population explosion in third-world countries may cause a plethora of issue in nature. While living, people consume the materials from nature and release wastes, many people blissfully unaware of protecting the environment and many environmental damage takes place such as deforestation, global warming or greenhouse effect. Therefore, the more people are born, the worse the nature will be. In addition, overpopulation can cause traffic congestion in industrialized countries. For example, there are more and more people have their own private vehicles in Europe. Consequently, increasing the number of private vehicles results in the problem of traffic delays and congestion on roads.  
  
By above reasons, I suggest that the government should take the consideration of this problems so as to solve this problem. For poor countries, it would be exellent if the government can encourage people preserve the enviroment by holding numerous enviromental project campaign; encourage people use solar energy, wind energy instead of nuclear power. In term of affluent countries, I suggest people should use public transport instead of private vehicles. It not only solve the traffic congestion but also reduce exhaust fume to protect the atmosphere.  
  
To conclude, we need to take the consideration of overpopulation as beside is has lots of benefits to countries, it brings a variety of adverse impacts not only the society but also the nature.
The reference point for the discussion is the co-relation of population explosion to developing and developed nations and related solutions. For some reason, the writer has focused on the 3rd world only, with a sudden inclusion of developed nations in the solution paragraph. He has delived confusing paragraph presentations. This created a misdirected discussion and improperly discussed overall essay.  
  
Such an errors leaves the examiner with no choice but to fail the essay. All because he did not bother to countercheck or compare his discussion with the original presentation requirements. While he may receive an incomplete discussion credit, several other errors in word usage and grammar will be additional scoring obstacles that will prevent a passing scare consideration.  
  
Always review the writing requirements when the draft is completed to avoid failing scores based on technicalities.
You probably have not included the prompt, so your task response will be hard to evaluate this essay. Assume you are right with a type of effects and sollutions.  
  
Some mistakes:  
+ Don't have to use both "this problem", "the issue", recommend you to its...  
+ a plethora of issue**s** because of plural form  
+ are unaware: unaware is adj so its a to be verb  
+ there are more and more people having instead of have  
+ avoid repitions with "the problem" in the second body  
+ encourage people **to** preserve  
+ your use of semicolon is wrong, I think a comma is enough "campagin...;..."  
+ In term**s** of not in term of  
+ not only solve**s**...  
  
it seems you are showing so many gramatical errors and repeat a couple of words too much. Hope this may help you somehow!
**I'm learning for the IELTS exam. Please, help me check and mark the essay. Thank you so much.**  
  
## Summarise the information from the diagram

  
  
*Answer:*  
  
The given figure illustrates the different stages in the life of a honey bee, from birth to mature.  
  
Overall, there are 5 main steps in the development of a honey bee, beginning with an egg and finishing with a grown insect. It also can be seen that the life cycle lasts about 34-36 days.  
  
At the first stage of the life cycle, the female honey bees lay eggs, typically, 1 or 2 eggs are produced every 3 days. After 9-10 days, the newborn bees (also called nymphs) are hatched from eggs.  
  
The following stage in the development involves growing and moulting. The immature individuals grow quickly in size and shed their skin 3 times in this phase. The first time occurs 5 days after the nymphs were born, then 7 days and 9 days later. After that, the young adults merge from the final moulting stage. Finally, it takes the young honey bees 4 days to become fully grown adults and the cycle life starts again.  
  
*
A writer cannot describe an image as simply "the given figure". He must be specific about the image type since this will be a part of the task accuracy score. Such accurately descriptive terms should be familiar to the writer who is expected to know the various images used for this task. In this instance, the provided image was an illustrative diagram since it shows a cycle of development.  
  
Any section that does not meet the 3 sentence minimum requirement will not be scored as a complete paragraph. That means, the summary overview should have more content in its presentation. In actuality, the first paragraph should contain a merged:  
  
- Summary of information  
- Trending explanation  
  
These 2 requirements normally produce a 3-5 sentence paragraph. A presentation worthy of full TA scoring considerations.  
  
Descriptive / illustrative paragraphs must be better balanced within the presentation. It must follow the same paragraph sentence requirement and meet the analytical standards of the presentation. While the writer provided more than the minimum word count, the writer could have done a more thorough job of analysing and reporting on the first half of the life cycle. The complete life cycle calendar should have been mentioned in a more highlightable manner in the last paragraph as well.
I think your part 1 writing is not well-structured, your second overview paragraph is not doing such a good job as the trends are not really clearly described. I recommend to change to divide this process into two stages and label the name of those two instead of telling that there are 5 steps beginning from... to .... For example, the first primary stage would be at the form of eggs and thereafter at the form of insects. This may help you to rebalance your paragraphing which is not illustrating clearly enough in the first paragraph.  
  
Hope this may work and help you !
## statistics of the household machines in use

  
  
The line graphs show the proportion of household machines usage and the sum of time used to do household chores from 1920 to 2019.  
Overall, the need for refrigerators and vacuum cleaners rose dramatically over a century, while washing machine usage showed a light change. Meanwhile, the amount of time spent doing housework showed a decrease.  
  
In 1920, almost no one used refrigerators, while the percentage of vacuum cleaner and washing machine usage was 30% and 40% respectively. In 2019, the use of refrigerators and vacuum cleaners went up and reached 100%. In the meantime, the use of washing machines was less, just about 75% in 2019.  
  
Looking at the time spent doing housework, in 1920, it took up to 50 hours per week to do household chores. However, the number of hours used for doing this stuff decreased, just 20 hours. From 1960 to 2019, the number slightly declined, then was about 10 hours per week in 2019.
The summary as presented by the writer makes it appear that there is one image representing 2 measurement types by using the plural form of graph (the line graphs). Since there are 2 images provided which depict different but related information, he should have indicated the number of graphs prior to the image titles. That way the reader would be clear regarding the number of images and how these will be used to represent information within the report.  
  
As far as trending paragraphs go, the presentation is not fully balanced. For each upward trend, the downward trend should be represented. So, while the machine usage presented balanced information, the time used for work did not do the same. It should have followed the preceding format for information clarity.  
  
Consider writing at least 175 words in the next practice task. Writing just a little over 150 words does not really help meet the maximum scoring considerations for the overall rubic. Do not overwrite, but do not underwrite either.