dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
I am planning to take the IELTS test. Here is one of my essay. I really need to improve my writing skills in order to get the best preparation for the IELTS test.  
  
## Fossil fuels usage

  
  
**Topic: Fossil fuels such as coal, oil and natural gas, are used in many countries. The use of alternative sources of energy, including wind and solar power, is encouraged. Is this trend a positive or negative development?**  
  
Environment plays an important role in our daily life. Nowadays, our green air in environment is polluted by over using of fossil fuels. So that the trend of replacing fossil fuels by wind and solar power is highly justifiable.  
  
Wind and solar power are both environmentally safe sources of energy. In fact, our earth is endangered by dioxide which is a production of coal and oil from vehicles and industrial. For example, the world temperature is hotter every year and protection air of earth is destroyed by many dangerous rays from universe. Therefore, government should encourage wind and solar power as a alternative sources of energy and impose a tighter law on using coal and oil. If wind and solar power become main energy and coal and oil are used in acceptable way our world will be a better place for humanity to live and develop.  
  
It is undeniable fact that wind and solar power are easy and reasonable way to use energy. For instances, solar power can be used to boil water for bath and cook while wind is very useful to generate electricity. In addition, wind power is suitable to nature and makes country more modern with eco-friendly high technology in fields of energy. Besides, coal and oil are current energy but shows many disadvantages such as pollute the air, harm to consumer, high price, ... In contrast, wind and solar power prove more convenient and easy to be the future energy for humanity.  
  
Put it in the nutshell, alternative energy including wind and solar power should be encouraged all over the world. From my perspective, our earth will be better if people know how to use novel and suitable power for our daily life.
Hi. Good essay, and there are some mistakes that I need to point out for you:  
OPENING  
our green air ~~in environment~~  
~~So that~~  Therefore  
  
BODY 1  
carbon dioxide, which is aka CO2.  
the ~~world~~ global temperature is hotter rising every ... of earth the ozone is destroyed by many dangerous sunrays from universe  
  
BODY 2  
are an easy and reasonable way to use energy  
cooking  
~~pollute~~ polluting the air, beingharmful to consumers, high price, ~~...~~ and so on. Keep in mind that ... is an informal writing and your score will be lower.  
  
prove to be more convenient and ~~easy~~ easier to be ...  
  
CONCLUSION  
Puting it in the nutshell  
our earth will be a better place to live in  
  
You need to check out your grammar structures and word choices in addition. I hope my feedback will help your writing.
Dung, you are not being asked to justify the reasons for using alternative energy sources in this essay. The whole premise of the essay is to prove that using these other energy sources have a positive effect on the environment. You need to familiarize yourself with English word meanings. "Justifiable" means to be able to be shown to be right or reasonable; defensible. While the term positive means consisting in or characterized by the presence or possession of features or qualities rather than their absence. The term that you used in the opening paraphrase changed the discussion topic for the essay and will thus be considered a prompt deviation. This will cause you to lose TA points due to obvious LR and comprehension skills problems on your part.  
  
Only paragraph 3 is correct in discussion approach at this point since that outlines the positive aspect of using alternative energy. Therefore, you will only receive points for that part of the essay. Since you will then be also lacking in word count, as the minimum is 250 words, there is no way that this will be considered for a passing score.  
  
In order to properly respond to the essay, you need to first, understand what the essay is talking about and second, develop a proper response based on prompt expectations. This essay did not fully accomplish that. I hope to see improvements on your end with your next practice essay. That is, if you continue to seek advice from this forum.
## compare merits and demerits of social media

  
  
It is considered by some that posting individual information on social websites is peril and does have risks. In this generation with a growing virtual network, I believe that there are more plus sides of social media.  
  
It is common that people share personal information on the internet, and that brings several advantages to them. Firstly, people can understand more about the person did not meet before. As an illustration, there are more and more people make friend and chat without meeting in person, the personal information is one of the factors to see that if the person is the right chose for making friends. Secondary, social media, for instance, Facebook, which provides groups and clubs for people all around the world with the same interest or jobs gathering together. In other words, people with the same thoughts and works can have a chance to exchange their ideas.  
  
On the other hand, though the social website brings many positive sides to people, there are some drawbacks. People with negative intention may use sharing public information to do inappropriate actions. Such as, creating a fake account using the real person's information and defraud people for money. Furthermore, some people will even use the fake account to create the relationship with others. Consequently, putting personal information on the internet may lead to some privacy problems.  
  
To conclude, though the social media brings some negative effects to people, I think that there are more plus points to the social websites, and people should have the good intention of that in order to create a safe environment for the internet.
You did not provide the full prompt of this task, so it makes it difficult to see whether you fulfilled the requirements. I assume the prompt stated that you should compare the pro's and cons of social media and provide your opinion. (If it did not ask for your opinion, then you should remove that part and stick to only comparing them).  
  
Few corrections on grammar and spelling:  
1. ...posting information is *perilous*  
2. ...more people *who make friends*  
3. ...the right *choice*  
4. Don't start a sentence with "such as"  
  
Also please check your last sentence. I don't really understand what you are trying to say there.
## pragmatic skills versus academic knowledge

  
  
**In today's job market it is far more important to have practical skills than theoretical knowledge. In the future, job applicants may not need any formal qualifications.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
In job's market nowadays, it is said that owning pragmatic skills is much more appreciated than academic knowledge. Therefore in the future, people do not need formal certifications in order to seek for a job. I partially agree with this idea and I shall explain why.  
  
To begin with, individuals obtaining the capability of resolving in real life problems will be more advantagous when applying for an enterprise. Such skills play an indispensible role in working enviroment these days, which consist of establishing social relationships, problem solvings, dealing with various personalities and so on. Whoever acquire these aforementioned components will have greater opportunities to have a prosperous career. Moreover, companies nowadays concentrate more on recruiting applicants who have a wide range of skills beside his or her rough skills, with belief of those people will have new initatives in developing the company itself.  
  
On the other hand, speacialization is a necessary factor, which is also known as the foundation part of job function. This is why this skill cannot be disappered, on account of job hunters need to know what their occupation is about and how to do it. For instance, an IT programmer wish to create a game or a website, so he must know how to code, which is a compulsory requirement for a programmer. Another example is a pilot needs to be knowledgable about an airplane and how to drive it in various weather conditions.  
  
In conclusion, it is true that developing soft skills will bring more benefits for employees. However I possibly argue the essence of academic skills, which is still needed in today society and in the future.  
  
This is a fixed essay with additional words added but my previous draft only had under 240 words. How do you can manage to organize your essay under timing constraint and anticipating word counts? I'd highly appreciate your advice. It is problematic to me that in the type of **Discuss both views and give your opinion** essay I tend to over exceed the word count, and this type of essay I usually have trouble with wordy quantity.
Hoang, the best solution to your word count situation is to stop writing run on sentences as you are accustomed to. It is when you write extra long sentences that you end up waiting more than the appropriate word allotment. You can about doing that by writing your paragraphs in sentence line formation first then formatting it into a paragraph form later on. The format is something like this:  
  
Paragraph by sentence line :  
1. Mary had a little lamb.  
2. It's fleece was white as snow.  
3. Everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go.  
4. It followed her to school one day.  
5. Patiently waiting till Mary came out at the end of the day to go home.  
  
Outlining your essay by numerical sentences gives you a clear idea of you have written to many words per paragraph. In paragraph form, this looks like this :  
  
Mary had a little lamb. It's fleece was white as snow. Everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go. It followed her to school one day. Patiently waiting till Mary came out at the end of the day to go home.  
  
Above is a sample of how the numerical sentences count would look as a paragraph. 5 sentences maximum. Each sentence with a clear discussion contribution to the paragraph. The sentences can be longer if you wish, as long as it isn't over 5 sentences and doesn't represent run on discussions. You will be sure to be within the word count at all times using this method for writing your paragraphs. . You will not be under, you will not be too much over the word count either. You can even edit and revise the essay while you place the sentences into the final paragraph format.
I am planning to take the IELTS test. Here is one of my essay. I really need to improve my writing skills in order to get the best preparation for the IELTS test.  
  
**Topic:It is generally acknowledged that families now are not as close as they used to be.  
What are some possible reasons for this and what can be done to reserve the trend.**  
  
## deteriorated family bonds

  
  
Given the over-increasing pace in modern life, it seems common in many places that family bonds have been deteriorated. In my opinion, some possible ways could be done to minimize the downside of the issue.  
  
To start with, there are many ways in which this unfavorable situation could occur. The primary factor probably is the intrusion of modern technology into family life. In the past, family members were more likely to interact with each other as there were fewer technological diversions. However, in today's life, each member within a family could easily be distracted from family conversation by many hi-tech devices such as smartphones or tablets. Another factor leading to this trend probably is the over-increasing pace of the modern life. Given the fact that people tend to rush through things to ensure an advantageous position in the face of stiff competition, therefore, the closeness between family members would eventually suffer.  
  
However, it is true that many ways could be done to tackle this matter. One of the most promising ones could be ensuring that family members spend sufficient time together and enhance healthy interactions among them. For example, parents may try to reduce the time spent on technological devices at home, such as setting time restriction for Internet usage or arrange more time to chat or play with their child. More importantly, parents should always remember that they are working for a better life with their loved ones, not living to work.  
  
In conclusion, although there are many reasons for the undermining of family's closeness in today's life, I believe that great efforts from both parents and children are likely able to reserve this trend.
I will give some advice for your words and sentences.  
  
paragraph 1:  
  
Given the ~~over-increasing~~ ( It's not very appropriate to use 'increasing' to modify 'pace'，I will use 'excessively fast' to substitute) pace in modern life  
  
family bonds have ~~been~~ deteriorated  
  
some ~~possible ways~~ (This is not very natural expression, I will just use 'methods' or 'preventative methods') ~~could~~(can) be done to ...  
  
paragraph 2:  
  
many ways ~~in~~ (by) which this ...  
  
... fewer ~~technological~~ (electronic) diversions  
  
... probably is the ~~over-increasing~~ (the problem again) pace of the modern life.  
... competition, ~~therefore,~~ the closeness ... (here you can write more details about the link between reason and result. I feel it's not such logical)  
  
paragraph 3:  
  
it is true that many ~~ways~~ (remedies) ~~could~~ (can) be done ...  
  
enhance ~~healthy~~ (reasonable) interactions  
  
... time spent on ~~technological~~ (the problem again) devices at home  
  
~~not~~('rather than' may be more formal) living to work  
  
paragraph 4:  
  
... reasons for the ~~undermining~~ (crisis) of family's ... are likely able to ~~reserve~~(stop) this trend.
Viet, let's start with what you did right in this essay. Your 2 body paragraphs / reasoning paragraphs are well written. It portrays a clear understanding of the given discussion and your ability to properly discuss the essay given the prompt requirements. The strength of your essay writing is in the most important part, the Task Accuracy. You show a good grasp of the English language through your sentence structure presentation and grammar use. Your vocabulary is acceptable and properly used in the context of the discussion. This is a promising start to your review process.  
  
Your connected discussions in the second paragraph are excellent. You have a good grasp of how to connect discussion reasons in a connected manner within a single paragraph. Most test takers struggle to accomplish that in their exercise essays. It is beginning to look like you just may be able to easily gain at least a 7.5 score with your practice tests if you keep writing this well.  
  
Now for the problems.  
  
The paragraphs need to have a minimum of 3-5 sentences per paragraph. Each paragraph should have only one discussion topic, normally presented as the first sentence in the reasoning paragraph. In relation to this discussion, this is a direct question essay. Therefore, your opening paraphrase is incorrect. You must present at least the foundation reason for your discussion in that paragraph. The correct representation would indicate one reason and one solution to get your essay started.  
  
While the rest of the essay is well developed as I previously mentioned, your concluding paragraph does not summarize the discussion are required by the test. This is actually the simplest part of the essay to write because all you need to do is come up with a 3 - 5 sentence presentation that repeats the following:  
  
1. The discussion topic  
2. The reasons provided in the second paragraph  
3. The solutions indicated in the third paragraph  
4. Closing sentence  
  
Just present the same information in a shortened form. Consider it the reverse of the opening paraphrase. The closing paraphrase just needs to represent the discussion you presented as opposed to the opening paragraph that need to represent the original discussion and the instructions for the discussion or, in this case, the starting response to or early discussion of the reasons and solutions for the given topic.  
  
Like I said, you show a great potential and, guided properly, you will most likely ace this test. I hope to be able to guide your development in the coming days. I'd love to work with you on that.
I wrote this for a mock test that I did but the band I got was a lot lower than my expectation/ target score. I could really use some comments on how I could improve. Thanks a lot!  
  
## changes from my point of view

  
  
Q.  
  
Some people prefer to change and think that change leads to new experiences. Others believe that it is better for their lives to remain the same.  
  
Others believe that it is better for their lives to remain the same.  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  
knowledge or experience.  
  
A.  
  
Changes occur in our lives, whether small or big. There is not much we could do but accept them. Yet when faced with changes, people react differently. Some people find changes frightening for which might take what they are familiar with away from them, whereas some others are thrilled for the excitement and differences that come with changes. Personally, I tend to look forward to changes and endless possibilities they bring.  
  
From my standpoint, it is completely reasonable for certain people to consider changes scary given the fact that anyone could feel insecure in an unfamiliar situation. Going through dramatic changes can be extremely stressful and hard to handle even for those who were excited about changes at first place. Take becoming parents as an example. Despite the satisfaction of creating a new life with the loved one, it has been proven that having and raising a baby can possibly cause mental disorder resulted from major changes in all the different aspects. Thus, it is not a surprise that people regard such changes terrifying.  
  
However, changes are essential to our lives. Regardless of how changes might seem disturbing at first, they are what keep living interesting and spice up our daily life. Changes give us an opportunity to make things better. In addition, they also enable us to break free from the draining cycle of the same day playing repeatedly. Although seemed frightening at first glance, changes could actually broaden our horizons and lead to tremendous brand new experience. Therefore it is crucial to remain open-minded when it comes to changes.  
  
All in all, despite the fact that changes are inevitable regardless of our attitude toward them. I firmly believe that instead of being afraid of changes, we should stay positive and attempt to look on the bright side of a new page of life.
Zi Xuan, the reason that you failed this test is really simple. You failed to follow the discussion requirements from the very beginning. This is a 5 paragraph essay that should have had 3 reasoning paragraphs based on 2 public points of view before the establishment of your personal opinion. Right from the get go, you had the essay all wrong. Your thesis statement at the end of what was otherwise a fantastic paraphrase is what got you started with your mistake.  
  
*Thesis Instruction: Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  
  
Your Instruction: Personally, I tend to look forward to changes and endless possibilities they bring.  
  
Correct Response: I would like to give my personal opinion regarding this topic after a clear discussion of the presented 2 points of view.*  
  
So the discussion structure should have been:  
Par 1: Paraphrase  
Par 2: Public POV 1  
Par 3: Public POV 2  
Par 4: Personal POV with supporting examples from personal experience  
Par 5: Concluding summary  
  
For the body of paragraphs, you should have provided a clear idea that the public discussion was taking place. Saying relevant keywords such as "When people say that..." or "However, when members of society believe that..." Such keywords clearly represent that you are discussing the 2 public points of view in the essay. Since that is a required discussion, you need to properly represent it within the first sentence / topic sentence of the paragraph.  
  
The concluding summary on the other hand should merely summarize the presented discussion points in the 3 reasoning paragraphs so that you can repeat your personal opinion as the closing sentence of the essay.  
  
These are the main reasons that your essay score was lower than you expected. You did not understand what was required of you in the discussion. Utilize the other sample essays that are available at this forum. Read, read, read the samples and learn about discussion approaches and common student errors made so that you can avoid the same mistakes in your future practice tests.
Hi everybody. I hope you guys can check for me and give me feedback. This is my IELTS essay. Have a nice day!!!  
  
## environment and prosperity

  
  
Topic:  
  
*Some people say that it possible for a country to be both economically successful and have a clean environment. However, others disagree.  
Discuss both views and give your opinion.*  
  
Answer:  
  
There are different standpoints when it comes to environmental problem. While some people believe that it is virtually impossible for a nation to be successful in both economic and environment, I personally think that is totally feasible.  
  
First, it is understandable why many people are skeptical. In numerous developed countries, the authorities are willingly to make a trade-off that they choose to boost the economy and endure the environmental degradation. This is owing to the inevitable fact that the upsurge of economic corresponds with the increase of the factories, which daily release a huge amount of carbon dioxide emissions and toxic chemicals, which engender natural depletion. In addition, when people are received better facilities, they increasingly become lazy and live a sedentary life. As a substitute of cooking by themselves, people prefer food-miles shipped by motorbikes that produce exhaust fumes which is one of the most significant contributors to global warming.  
  
On the other hand, I argue that it is possible for many countries to obtain the clean environment while still making profits. In many wealthy countries, as well as developing the economy, environmentally-friendly technology is ultimate priority of the government besides achieving economic goals. Switzerland, for instance, enforces the law of requiring wastewater treatment system and emissions filter in all the factories in the country and monitors them closely that play a key role in reaching both environmental and economical success. Furthermore, people in developed countries have the sense of environmental protection. Green movement could be broadened easily if both the national and local authorities have appropriate propaganda campaigns about alleviating environmental problems to the citizens.  
  
In conclusion, I believe despite the fact that there are difficulties to acquire both a clean eco-system and an economical flourish, it is still a reachable goal.