dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hoang, your essay needs to cover the required 4 paragraph format of the Task 1 presentation. You should not have bunched up all of the information in your second paragraph. You could have very easily split up the presentation into 2 more paragraphs of 3 sentences each by offering up comparison points based on Industrial, agricultural, and domestic use. You need to split up those sections into paragraph comparison presentations because the pie chart was split up that way. For clarity purposes, no, for scoring purposes (C&C and GRA considerations) you need to make sure that you present the information in a clear manner that will not confuse the reader. The way you have it right now makes it difficult to follow the discussion you are presenting.  
  
Your summary overview is incomplete as it does not present the required information of:  
  
1. measurement type  
2. countries being compared  
3.measurements being made  
  
Presenting the above information in the summary would have helped your trending statement become clearer to the reader and also, offer a better outline for your upcoming discussion.
Ben, your opening paragraph is confusing. What is the actual thesis statement for this essay? What sort of pollution will your studies focus on? What discussions will you present in the research? The opening paragraph should have a complete thesis statement and a clear outline of the topics for discussion, as well as a possible conclusion. At the moment, this paragraph is unclear due to the lack of focus on one particular type of pollution. If you are discussing marine pollution through your research, the whole paragraph should focus on creating the foundation for that discussion. Nothing more, nothing less.  
  
When you present quotes from various people in the paragraphs, you need to include information about that person that signifies the authority of that person to speak and also convince the reader that this person's POV should be trusted. Introduce the speaker by delivering information about:  
  
1. the full name of the speaker  
2. the university / research organization the person is attached to  
3. the title / position of the person  
  
Only after establishing the authority of the person can you present the quote in a strong manner. You also need to add some personal opinions to those cited information. Explain why you agree with it or why you think it can be opposed or something. As a research paper, your personal insight is also vital in the completion of the paper.  
  
The research should include, prior to the conclusion, some discussions regarding possible solutions to the problem and what the potential effect of these actions might be. By doing so, the research becomes complete and also useful as a reference point for the readers who may also be concerned with maritime / marine pollution.
Hi tutors, could you please help to assess my essay below? This is the first time I create a post in this forum. Please inform me if you find any issue in my post. Many Thanks :)  
  
**\*Question:**  
Reading books keeps a person's mind active, whereas watching films and television is passive and does not require a person to use their imagination.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  
  
## both book and television have its pros and cons

  
  
**\*My Essay:**  
Book and television are two of the most popular entertaining activities for young people today. Someone said that reading a book will help our brain be more imagination than watching a film or TV show. I am not completely agree with this point of view.  
  
The fact is reading a book will require us to focus on the words written there. Thus, we will completely concentrate on its content and help our brain be more imaginary. In contrast, when watching a film, we might be usually distracted by various advertisements. In addition, via a book, author can fully express his ideas without any limit of time. The more ideas araised, the longer his book is. This is what could not easily be achieved by film makers. The reason is long lasting films or shows will take more budget from producers.  
  
However, it is no doubt that watching films or televisions would help us save more time than following a long book or novel. In some circumstances, one-minute scene on the screen can convey ideas of dozens of pages in related book. Sometime, with the support of sound and light effects, watching things on television give us greater experience than flipping book pages. On the other hand, many films ends with an opening situation which requires much imaginary from audiences. "Inception", a film in which Leonardo Dicaprio plays main actor, is a good example for this kind of ending.  
  
To conclude, both of entertainments, book and television, have advantages and disadvantages for imaging process of our brains. Personally, I prefer reading books to watching stuffs on television because it bring me more knowledge and help my brain always be active.
Modest essay. Let me analyse it:  
*"Book and television are two of ..."* This sentence is a little bit clumsy. I'd write:  
  
**Books and televisions are common methods of recreation for youth nowadays**  
*"Someone said that reading a book ..."* again I'd write:  
**"Some people think that reading a book will help us enhance our imagination, rather than keep your eyes on the screen"**  
**a good example OF**  
**stuff~~s~~**, as it is an uncountable noun.
Tri, you have a very well developed opening paragraph that is clear in its paraphrasing and response. Your answer to the prompt is appropriate and shows that you fully understand discussion topic and the required response format. Good job! You accomplished almost half the task at that point. Although, you would have scored better if your vocabulary was more appropriate. you need to learn to use the various word plays that come for a root word such as "imagination". You could have used the term "imaginative" instead to indicate a present word usage in the paraphrase since the discussion is ongoing.  
  
The only problem, is that you represented a single sided, total agreement with the given point of view. This indicates that only a one sided opinion will be discussed to prove your opinion in the essay. However, your discussion was comparative, indicating a partial agreement only. Therefore, your response should have been "I am in partial agreement..." in order to allow your opinion discussion to represent both sides. This is only a small error in an otherwise acceptable essay. The score for this essay would have been around a 4 - 4.5 due to your inappropriate response format, problematic vocabulary use as you did not use present tense versions of the words, and some under developed paragraphs because of the incorrect response presentation.
Dear Rita  
Good structure and all but improve your vocabulary a bit more then it will be a fine essay  
A small suggesstion to rewrite your introduction. You can write I completely agree/disagree with one problem but do not I partly agree or not completely agree as it present a weak argument in the examiner mind. Instead, if you want to present a balanced approach, two-sided argument you can use this template:  
  
- While I do agree that book can help our imagination to a certain exent, I believe that movies/film has an equal roles in developing one's creativity.  
  
Good job, keep it up.
## What are the remedies for global warming?

  
**What can human being do to help stop global warming?**  
The past century seems to have witnessed significant efforts in finding effective approaches for resolving global warming phenomenon. In this essay, I intend to identify three primary solutions for this issue.  
  
To begin with, it is an irrefutable fact decelerating the pace of global warming goes hand in hand with the need of minimizing carbon emission. In other words, replacing fossil fuels with environmentally friendly sources of energy, increasing taxes on producing goods that releases carbon dioxide into the atmosphere as well as prohibiting burning garbage would constitute a good first step.  
  
Furthermore, since forests play a crucially important role in the ecosystem, another fundamental key to this worldwide issue is to maintain and multiply the number of trees around the globe. Despite the necessity of deforestation and industrial land, there would likely be a catastrophe if a vast amount of plants disappeared.  
  
Last and most importantly, though, is in order to efficiently protect the environment, public awareness should be heightened by not only generations of activists but government. As a result of a point that most conservational campaigns require a deep understanding of how pivotal the environment means, educating children and propagating people around us are top priorities. Additionally, the more people realize their negative influences on the surroundings, the more they are willing to take action.  
  
To conclude, I believe this is clearly a difficulty of such complexity that it is unlikely to be solved in a short term. Nevertheless, by joining together, I have confidence that the measure outlined above would remedy this dire problem.
Hi Chau  
You clearly show a good lexical resource in your essay. The grammar is at an acceptable level but you certainly can try more complex structure and sentences. The structure is clearly shown and easy to follow.  
  
Your essay, however, is under developed a little bit in idea construction. You should dig deeper in the paragraphs for a through analysis. For example, just my suggestion, in paragraph 1, it'sfollowed by a great opening sentence, you can write like:  
  
*"One method for the reduction is the replacement of fossil fuels with renewable energy source. The exhaust from automobile is renowned as the main source of air pollution therefore, I believe that a cleaner atmosphere can only be possible if electric cars are utilized to its bes potential. The government could play a roles by imposing taxes on goods that releases carbon dioxide into the environment. As a result, this will encourage people to consume environment-friendly product."*  
  
Again for paragragh 2 and 3, expand it a little bit more. Personally, I prefer to write 2 paragraghs but with in depth analysis rather than 3. You should also beware of over-using the linking words (To begin with, Furthermore, As a result, etc...) they are good if you use the right amount but putting it in every sentence make the essay become like a formula not really attractive to read.  
  
Hope that helps  
Keep it up, Chau.
## marine life in danger

  
  
Nowadays, the number of people catching fishes under the sea has been out of control, and is causing a serious danger for marine life, as well as depriving many people of their livelihood. Although there are many causes, the most noticeable two are lacking harsh laws and by-catch. The causes regarding this topic will be examined hereafter, with some measures being given to aid in their reduction.  
  
To begin with, as there are not enough laws and chastisements for overfishing, which leads to more people commit. For instance, there are too less no-fishing bands in some areas, also the fishing times are usually not prescribed. Even though that location has already been marked a no-fishing warning band, there are still some people that act like they do not see the warnings, and keep catching fish. In addition, sometimes if a police or anyone else who accidentally see the, everything is likely to be solved peacefully through a corruption. Moreover, bycatch is also happening quite usual in many places. As a result, a large number of sea animals being caught without any purpose. If this continues occurring, after a long period, the ocean will lose its variety of animals, due to the people catch too many and do not leave times for those species to reproduce.  
  
However, luckily, there are some useful solutions to handle the problems and prevent them from happening again. First, the governments should join hands in order to solve the results of overfishing. For example, they can create some rules about fishing such as times and places that people are able to catch freely, as well as harsh punishments if anyone still not following the rules. Furthermore, they can even band people from catching fish in the areas which they are breeding. Moreover, locals should catch fish by fishing rods, not nets or veins because by doing that, they are abetting by-catching and ruining the beautiful marine life under the sea.  
  
In conclusion, since there are many causes and solutions given above, I believe that by taking all of the explanations mentioned, the overfishing problem is hopefully tackled.  
  
=) Please help me check my essay and give me your true opinions as well as some advice because I'm preparing for the IELTS exam and really need your help. Thanks a lot!
*Topic: Some people think that environmental problems should be solved on a global scale while others believe it is better to deal with them nationally.  
  
Discuss both sides and give your opinion.*  
  
## environment protection issue

  
  
Here is my writing.  
  
In the modern world, protecting the environment is getting attention more and more. There are opinions that environmental problems should be responded by global organizations while others believe that these issues had better be carried out by nations. In this essay, I will examine both sides of the argument and try to reach a conclusion.  
  
There are several reasons why environmental problems should be elucidated internationally. First, global environmental organizations which have a number of countries attending will be able to have certain impacts on them. For example, the global environmental facility (GEF), which has 183 countries, brings out certain levels of limited industrial exhausted air to their participants. At the same time, these organizations also have the abilities to punish countries which have harmful actions to the environment or celebrate those which have efforts in protecting the environment.  
  
However, the issue of environmental problems should also be tackled by the government of each country. Each country knows its environment condition best so its government will have appropriate actions for environmental reservation. For example, due to the hazardous of air pollution in Hanoi, the Vietnamese government has drafted an environmental plan that is to reduce 20% of NO2 and SO2 from 2020 to 2025.  
  
In conclusion, it can be argued that solving environmental problems nationally be easy to make progress, my own opinion is that environmental issues being handled globally is crucial and effective to conserve the environment. The synergy of countries for a green earth will bring a bright future in generations.
Tien, your opening paraphrase was almost acceptable. You made a mistake in your prompt instruction restatement. You were being asked to deliver your own opinion after comparing the two points of view. You were not being asked to come to a conclusion regarding the given discussion. Aside from that slight misdeclaration, you did a good job on presenting the prompt paraphrase. It is close enough to the original.  
  
The biggest problem of this practice essay though is that you have included actual research in the paragraph presentations as part of your reasoning. Since this pencil or ink based test does not give you access to a computer at the testing center, you should not make it a habit to use researched information in your reasoning. Use your personal opinion or information gained from public knowledge instead.  
  
That is not to say that you made a mistake in reasoning. It just means that your reasoning is good but in the actual setting, you will not have the opportunity to do research in response to a question. So it would be best not to practice taking the test in a manner that you won't be able to accomplish in the testing center.  
  
By the way, your personal opinion should be the 3rd paragraph presentation in a comparison essay. It cannot be part of the concluding statement because the personal opinion needs to be built up in the same manner as the comparison discussions. This is your chance to indicate if you support a particular idea and why. The conclusion should just summarize the discussion and close the essay.  
  
This is a good start but your reasoning and presentation needs some work. You are on the right track though so keep it up. Just note the advice given to you and apply it to future practice essays.
## Test 6 - Cambridge 12 essay on a city development

  
  
The maps compare the changes in the town center of Islip between at present and in the future.  
It is clear that there will be more facilities constructed in the center of Islip. Besides, a new infrastructure will be built in order to replace the old one.  
  
Compared with the present map, the main road will be restricted for pedestrians. And a new dual carriageway which runs around the whole city center are planned to be built.  
  
Moreover, shops located on the northern side of the main road at present will be planned to be demolished in the aim of constructing some new facilities. There will be four new blocks such as bus station, shopping center, car park and new housing. Meanwhile, opposite shops, situated on the southern side of the main road, will not be damaged. However, there will be newly built housing and the park of the city will be reduced in size.  
  
*
Anh, in this analytical report, you should be delivering the following paragraphs in order to meet the expected report presentation:  
  
1. Overview paragraph  
2. Description of the old image  
3. Description of the new image  
4. Description of areas that had notable changes or remained the same  
  
The reason that you need to present these information in the 4 body paragraphs is because this is mainly a comparison analytical report. So your analysis needs to be based on the before and after images, with specific mention of highlights in both drawings. Aim to write 175 words for that purpose. That word count allows you to write more than the minimum word count in a manner that will have a truly notable impact on the scoring considerations. Do not start your sentences with connecting words such as "And" since it comes after a period. Which means the first sentence ended in its presentation so there is no connecting idea that leads into the next statement. Here is an example of how to use the word "And" in a sentence:  
  
*... for pedestrians and a new dual carriage...*  
  
Also, try to explain more per paragraph in order to push your C&C and GRA scores to the highest possible considerations. You have a 5 sentence maximum requirement so aim to write at least 3 or 4 sentences per paragraph with 5 being the ideal presentation number. You did this format once in the last paragraph of this essay and that, in all honesty, is the best paragraph you presented in the essay because of the clarity of the explanation and description you presented.
## ALTERNATIVE energy RESOURCES

  
  
*Topic: Fossil fuel such as coal, oil and natural gas are used in many country. The use of alternative source of energy, including wind and solar power is encourage. Is this trend a positive or negative development.*  
  
Nowadays human beings are facing the shortage of essential natural resources as coals, oil, which forces us to explore the new ones to provide promptly growing demand of society. Green energy is a wonderful solution addressing the serious problem in terms of there incredible features.  
  
To begin with, conventional fuels hold significant economic cost. A wide range of industries have to spend to much on exploiting raw materials. Moreover the budget of processing domain a large rate on manufacturing cost resulting in inflating selling price and decreasing competitiveness. At the same time, that the fuels are transported from mines to factories also costs much that corporations should attempt to reduce and control this logistics process. Thus, people waste time and money in paying for complex things.  
  
Equally importantly, the utility of non-renewable resources causes serious climate change. Take the case of Shanghai, China as an example. Its residents definately suffer from breathing toxics for numerous factories release contaminated airon generating product from traditional fuels. Unless people use face mask or other protective clothes, they could not go outside whether it is day or night.  
  
Last but not least, Using alternative energy allows society to take full advantage of natural power and maintain our environment balance and health. It is simple for us to acknowledge renewable energy ranging from solar system, heat-themal. Not only do they cost as less as conventional ones but it also impulse the related technology. Furthermore, once being taken into production, green fuels will contribute significant parts into reducing environmental problems.  
  
By way of conclusion, while people are facing the diminish of non-renewable, demand for energy keeps growing. Alternative resources is a effective solution that should be encouraged to use in the near future.
Nguyen, the TA score for this essay will be a 1. That is because you are not properly delivering a response to the question. You actually changed the prompt topic, causing a deviation in your response. Your response is not in reference to the given task. I can say this because the:  
  
Question: Is this trend a positive or negative development.  
  
and your response is:  
  
Answer: Green energy is a wonderful solution addressing the serious problem in terms of there incredible features.  
  
It is at this very point where you created the failing point for this essay. Once the TA score is 1, there is no chance that you can get a score of 5. A clear sign that you did not understand the prompt instructions, added to the other writing problems in this essay as pointed out by @smally01 means as a writer, you failed to do the following:  
  
1. You did not understand the English discussion instructions;  
2. You had paragraph discussion issues;  
  
Finally, the biggest mistake that you made was that you changed the prompt discussion / deviated from the original prompt.