dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Tourism vs local culture

  
  
**Topic: Some people believe that to protect local culture, tourism should be banned in some areas whereas others think that change is inevitable and banning tourism will have no benefits.  
  
Discuss both sides and give your opinion.**  
  
Religonal culture makes a contribution to shaping the egotism and history of many countries and nationalities. Hence, saving culture is a responsibility of every citizens. In fact, some people believe that visitors should be forbade in some fields, conversely, others insist that this method is unavoidable and pointless. In the following paragraphs, I will consult points from both views. Personally, I am more likely to agree with the second one.  
  
On the one hand, supporters of banning tourism often under dispute that religious, linguistic and socio-cultural is thought to have adverse effects by a variety of visitors. The intrusion of outsiders may disturb the local culture and create unrest among the people. The native resident totally can copy the lifestyle of the foreigners through the demonstration result so that trigger off the loss of native customs and traditions. Moreover, the building of facilities and infrastructre pose a threat to the environment, cultural heritages may be endangered. Thus, all this problem will directly bear relevance to not only local culture but also people as they feel that blocking such areas to traverlers is the easiest way to conserve local culture and tradition.  
  
On the other hand, banning visitors will cause damage to the local budget. Tourism can bring economic benefits to host destinations from trave, related - services and provide regular employment for many local people. Futhermore, it helps to popularize cultural identities to foreign visitors, promote intercultural understanding and global harmony. If local culture is closed, regional companies must retire their employees so that the unemployment rate will increase. The negative economic consequences of banning tourism are worse than any cultural loss that may occur from the arrival of tourists.  
  
In my view, I prefer the latter because it is not necessary to close tourist places just for saving it, the result of doing that will be profoundly devasting. The government should introduce laws to protect natural environments and local cultures.  
  
*I'm so thankful for all your comment.*
Are you planning to take the computer based typing test in Ho Chi Min? If so, then you need to pay attention to the way that you spell words and the length of the essay that you will be writing. Although typing will be faster than handwriting, there is a greater chance that you will make spelling, punctuation, and other grammar related errors due to the ease with which you will be writing. Although you no longer have to keep track of your word count while typing as the computer offers you the word count as you type, you should still not go beyond the 290 words maximum suggestion for several reasons:  
  
- It allows you a pocket of time to check for spelling errors (spellcheck is off in the computer at the testing center)  
- You will have time to double check the relevance of your response to the prompt which remains on the screen  
- You have the opportunity to adjust the presentation, format, and thought discrepancies within your presentation.  
  
In your essay, I discovered several spelling errors which you missed because you neglected to proofread your work prior to finalizing it. People who type, with the expectation that word check will auto-correct the errors will be in for a surprise on testing day. The number of misspelled and uncorrected words will definitely drag down your LR score. Your mistakes in this essay include :  
  
Religional = Regional  
Infrastructre = Infrastructure  
travelers = travellers  
trave- travel  
Futhermore = furthermore  
  
Grammar issues includes the incorrect use of a noun when a verb is required: Regional cultures makes a contribution to... = ... Regional culture CONTRIBUTES to....  
  
As I pointed out above, the clarity and cohesiveness of your work will be affected by the incorrect word references and spelling issues. Your second paragraph is actually misleading in content because your topic sentence is out of place. The actual topic sentence is the second sentence, the first one, does not really have a point unless you present the second sentence first. These are things that you need to focus on when reviewing your essay prior to the end of the time allowance.
## Writing report basing on the provided table

  
  
The table illustrates the change in the tendency of working in Business, Government, Health, Manufacturing, Services, Retail and Information Technology in California from 2010 to 2020.  
Overall, the only unchanged number is the proportion of people who work in Administration field. Although there is a noticeable upward trend in jobs that related to Health, Services and Information Technology, the remaining sectors witnessed a downward trend.  
  
First of all, the percentage of the employee in Administration is stable unchanged at 13% in the ten-years period. In 2010, Retail/Fast Food was the most attractive industry with 24% of the worker before dropping by 8% (2020). At the same time, Employees who worked in Government, Services and Health accounted for 18%, 17% and 12% of California's workers respectively.  
  
In terms of Health, the number is predicted to nearly double from 12% to 23%, which is the largest proportion in 2020. Besides, the percentage of Manufacturing will drop by half to 4% after ten years.  
  
*   
*Sorry for notes on my picture, I could not find the topic on the internet so I took a photo by my ph*
The essay would have been well written if not for several flaws. Your time reference is off in some cases. When referencing information from 201, the reference time frame should be in the past tense. Only the data reference from 2020 should be given in the present tense. Additionally, since we are already in 2020, there is no need to refer to information in a predictive sense. It should not be uncertain since the information should be deemed to have already happened or is currently happening. Hence the future tense presentation format is not required, but the present tense discussion is.  
  
You also have redundancies in word reference. Either say the percentage remains unchanged or, it remains stable. Unchanged and stable mean the same thing, no movement.  
  
Singular - plural reference problems can also be seen, the reference word for worker should be workers, referring to the plural form of the word.  
  
There is no need to capitalize the work field references as these are not proper nouns. By the way, to complete your summary overview, you need to always indicate what sort of measurement type is used. Also, since you are writing this essay for a university lecturer, it is best to use topic sentences at the start of the paragraph rather than a word count. A professor prefers to read paragraphs that are direct to the point. Don't beat around the bush. Just get to the immediate discussion at once. It will also help you increase your LR usage and GRA score.
## Female members of parliament

  
  
The line graph illustrates the proportion of women who worked in parliament in 5 different countries over a 12 year-period.  
Overall, it is clear that the figure for ladies of UK in most years was lowest. However, the throughout the period shown, the percentage of female members increased in all 5 nations.  
  
In 2000, over 33% women of Germany worked in congress that was highest. The Women figures for France and UK and were similar in 2000, around 25%, respectively, whereas the figure for Belgium was lower than 3 countries , about 20%. Although the strongest increase, the percentage of women in parliament in the UK were still lowest from under 5% in 200 to 20% in 2008.  
  
Between 2008 and 2012, Italy's rate grew more than Germany and reached the highest point about 40% in 2012. Female members in Belgium decreased slowly and equaled the UK in 2012, around 22%. In France, the proportion of women saw a gradual rise during the 12 years, reaching a final figure of just over 30% in 2012.  
  
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You do not have a complete summary overview. The summary overview should include:  
- The type of graph (provided)  
- Type of measurement used (not provided)  
- Names of the 5 countries (not provided)  
- Time frame (incorrectly provided)  
- Trending reference  
  
Your topic summary is not a true paraphrase of the original. You still have too many of the original keywords included in your version so it would be considered a cut and paste rather than an original writing. Here's one way of presenting the summary overview:  
  
*A line graph is provided that measures the number of female parliamentary members in 5 countries. The represented countries are: Germany, Italy, France, UK. and Belgium. The percentage of women representatives were measured over a 12 year period from the year 2000 up to 2012. Based on the provided numerical percentage data, it appears that there was an increasing trend among the lady parliamentarians.*  
  
With 175 words written, you have actually written enough words to have your essay considered for the higher scoring brackets for all 4 scoring considerations. However, the existing problems of the essay will definitely affect the final score you will receive. Let me show you some of the problems I spotted in your essay.  
  
There is a spelling error in your presentation for the word equaled. The correct spelling is equalled. You also capitalized words that are not proper nouns such as "Women" in the presentation. Several other errors exist in your presentation but these do not impede the understanding of your writing by the reader. Your sentence rely too much on commas for discussion separation. Learn to use other punctuation marks instead. Use anything from a semicolon to a period throughout the sentences per paragraph to help boost your GRA score. Remember you are also scored on your ability to use a mix of complex and simple sentences, with additional punctuation marks. So don't just rely on the comma and period to create your sentences and represent your thoughts. Use other punctuation marks as well.  
  
@my123456 please do not pay attention to SillyFox. That user has been reprimanded for power tripping on the forum. No forum user should have to beg for help. It is freely given here provided the members follow all forum regulations at all times. No member is required to beg for help from anybody here. After all, aside from the contributors, all of you are still English language learners, not a single one of the users here will be better than the other. Users of the forum are expected to help one another, without question or pause. It is just the right thing to do between learners.
Hi there! To my knowledge, if you want to higher your band score in IELTS writing task 1, you must report the trend of each categories in the body if the graph include timestamps. Moreover, to help you create longer sentences, please watch this from Mr. Simon, a former IELTS examiner, whose video I feel really helpful in building long sentences for task 1. Check it out! youtube.com/watch?v=Saoxfh03Tqs
**Classmates have a greater influence on a child's success at school. Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Questions surrounding who determines children's success at school have been ongoing for several years. While some assert that academic success is influenced by fellow students, others assume that parents have a more significant impact on their offsprings' results. From my perspective, classmates play a more imperative role in youngsters' scholastic achievements.  
  
First and foremost, children spend much more time with their peers than with parents. Everyday, kids spend at least 8 hours studying on campus, thus they have a lot of chances to meet and interact with their fellow students. Besides, technological advances like the Internet and smartphone enable kids to contact with friends even when they are at home. In contrast, children meet their parents only at meal time and do not enjoying talking to them regarding their parents as conservative and out-dated. Consequently, children are much more intimate to their classmates than their parents. The intimacy between them is children's the prime source of mental assiatance, which contribute substantially to a successful academic life.  
  
Secondly, school environment can create fierce competition among students. Children compete with peers through tests, examinations as well as groupwork and extracurricular activities. Not only do youngsters compete with peers to get good results but also compete to gain popularity to teachers and other mates. This competition gradually creates interest and enthusiasm, motivates students to work harder, define themselves and exceed their normal limits. Every child wants to stand out, to be ahead of its fellow student, to be the best. Classmate will be the ones determining the mental aspect of children and keep children invariably motivated in their journey to academic success  
  
The mental assistance from peers is necessary for children. Therefore, although the critical role of parents in controlling kids cannot be ignored, in my opinion, the impact of classmates in most cases are more than expectations.
A question is never ongoing. A discussion can be ongoing but never a question. Rather, a question may remain unanswered. So you should have said:  
  
*Decades have passed and yet the question regarding the influence of parents or classmates on a child while studying has not yet been answered. The discussion remains unanswered because some people believe that parents influence the intellect of a child, while others believe that peer influence is more of an academic driving force. Personally, I find myself agreeing with the opinion that classmates tend to have a more imperative role in their peers scholastic achievements.*  
  
Always respond to the question directly in your last sentence. It is the foundation by which the next two paragraphs will be established. By the way, this isn't a comparison essay so there was no need to discuss the lack of influence of parents on their children. The idea is simply to sell the examiner on your belief that classmates influence their friends and schoolmates to do better in class. The cohesive discussion will come from the way that you clearly defend your stance using 2 valid reasons. Unless you are asked to discuss both opinions, never use the comparative discussion format for the Task 2 essay.  
  
Your concluding paragraph is incorrect. It is not a continuing discussion of the given statement. It is merely a wrap-up of the previous discussion points. You are to end the essay by reiterating the following in 3-5 sentences:  
  
- The discussion topic  
- Your opinion  
- Supporting reason 1  
- Supporting reason 2  
- Closing sentence  
  
The supporting reasons are only to be mentioned, you do not need to discuss it again. Just repeat the reasons why you believe that your side is correct. One sentence each or a combined sentence for the 2 reasons will suffice. By the way, don't write more than 290 words. Remember, you will be handwriting at the center and you will not be able to write as fast manually as you do on a keyboard. Leave yourself some review time before the test ends to perfect the paper.
## consumption chart on six distinct items

  
  
The chart provided gives data on on the amount of consumption spend on six distinct items in Germany, Italy, France and Britain.  
  
It is clear that British people spent significantly more money than people in other three countries on all six goods whilst the Italians take the least.  
  
Looking at the bar chart with more details, we can see that people in Britain spent just over 170,000 pounds sterling on photographic film, which is the highest number on the chart. Next came with toys in the UK, it also takes a second place which is the number not far behind the former's figure. In the same category, Italy and France use in an equal number on toys, about nearly 160,000 pounds sterling. However, while people in France consump more than Italians on film photo and CDs, Italy people paid out for more personal stereos, tennis racquets and perfumes. Especially, the products of scent make up around £145,000 also a lowest number shown on the chart.
It is unfortunate that you forgot to include the image with your essay. I need the image to be able to compare your presentation with the instructions and image content. Without it, all I can give you is a general grammar review. Please remember to include the image next time.  
  
(WARNING! USERS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO UPLOAD THE IMAGE FOR THE OP! DO SO AT YOUR OWN RISK!)  
  
Although you wrote 165 words, you did not format your presentation properly. The task 1 essay has a maximum of 3 paragraphs for its informative presentation. The summary overview contains the following information:  
  
- Image type  
- Topic  
- Related information  
- Measurement type  
- Trending statement  
  
Every paragraph should have a 3 sentence minimum presentation, with 5 sentences being the maximum. This not only increases your word count, but also allows you better represent your LR, C&C, and GRA abilities for an increased scoring potential. The shorter your sentence presentations, the less likely you are able to present a proper range of simple and complex sentences. Hence the need to present more sentences per paragraph.  
  
I do not feel like you are properly representing the given image. I just cannot confirm my hunch because of the missing image. It will be better for you to remember that you should always target the 3 paragraph requirement for the Task 1 essay. It will never hurt for you to follow the formatting requirement. Remember, you get scored for that too.
## The influence of diverse population on a country

  
  
Topic: A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
  
The rise of technology has brought many chances for people to move to another country. Many people argued that whether nationalities mixture could help a country become more fascinating and boost its development or not. In my opinion, I totally agree with the former.  
  
On the one hand, I suppose that a country will become more engaging if it has a diversity of cultures. People from different countries will have chances to acquire knowledge of other cultures as well as other languages. It is an opportunity to learn about other cultures' advantages and integrate themselves in the diversified customs and traditions. The rise of migration wave also establishes parks, restaurants and entertainment malls with different styles contributing to the prosperity of a country's culture. This trend can be clearly seen at cosmopolitan cities like Los Angeles, Beijing, Tokyo and so on.  
  
On the other hand, a mixed culture contributes considerably to a nation's economy. The business as well as the technology can get benefit from knowledge and strength from others. For example, the technology of USA is considered as one of the best in the world, but this achievement belongs to India and Jewish citizens that relocating in this country. Migration wave also diversifed the labour market, provide inexpensive and efficient source of labour for business which magnifies production and stimulates economic growth. Therefore the cost of production can be reduced and the business can gain more profit.  
  
In conclusion, a diverse nationality has a positive impact on both culture and economy of a country.  
  
(Please help me to check this writing. And I know that the conclusion is too short, can you recommend something to improve it? Thank you so much!)
Your discussion approach cannot be considered effective. That is because this is a single opinion, not a comparison essay. As a single opinion essay, you are to state your opinion in the paraphrase section then, offer 2 supporting reasons and examples in the individual reasoning paragraphs. You are to focus the discussion only on proving that your supported side is the correct side.  
  
The reason why you should focus on only one side to support is simple, you need to score highly in the C&C section to ensure a higher than 5 final score. When you do not use connected discussions to prove your point, your essay becomes tangential in response. The examiner will only score you on the paragraph that relates to the side that you indicated in the prompt paraphrase. So you will not only be lacking in word count, as the alternate side you will be discussing will not be counted as part of the official word count, but your essay will also not be supporting a solid side in the presentation. Both errors will result in severe TA point deductions. So the TA deductions, plus the partial C&C scoring will not be good for your final score.  
  
The conclusion is short because you did not follow the content requirement for that section. You should have:  
- Restated the discussion topic, this time based on the discussed information  
- Indicated the valid reasons for your discussion in one or two separate sentences  
- Repeated your supporting opinion  
- Made a closing statement  
  
Based on the above format, you would have had a properly formatted and relevant concluding summary / concluding paraphrase.  
  
Going back to your prompt paraphrase. I found it confusing to read. Why were you referring to information not included in the original prompt? You changed the discussion parameters in the process. You said:  
  
*The rise of technology has brought many chances for people to move to another country.*  
  
However, there was no mention of this in the original topic statement which was:  
  
*A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities.*  
  
The aforementioned topic was included in your paraphrase as a second sentence. This should have been the first restated sentence in your presentation. There was no reference to technology so that line of reasoning or discussion should not have been included in your version. The focus of the discussion was on how a country becomes more interesting when its people begin to be composed of mixed nationalities. Nationalities development of the country do not have anything to do with technology, based on the original discussion reference.
***Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.***  
  
The line chart provides information about the changes in price of different food groups in the USA from 1979 to 2009, and the overall trend in the consumer-price index. Overall, it is clear that the period witnessed a general increase in the 3 food group products, despite minor fluctuations. Among the food commodity groups, only fresh fruits and vegetables showed a more significant rise in price than that of the overall index and other given food types.  
  
Starting at the same point as the overall index at over 50 in 1979, the figure for fresh fruits and vegetable crops' price slightly varied over the 30-year period. The fruits and vegetables' price nearly remained the same as the consumer index's for the first 6 years before starting increase rapidly during the remainder of the time, reaching its highest value in 2009, at over 300.  
  
The corresponding figures for sugary products and carbonated drinks, despite being similar to the previous group in terms of an upward trend, showed a less volatile data. Throughtout the years, both food groups' prices gradually increase, hitting their final higest point in 2009. Peaking at exactly 200, the cost of sweets and sugars was higher than the figure for carbonated drinks- just over 150- at the end of the period.  
  
***Hope to see your feedbacks. Thank you!***  
  
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