dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Ngo, the next time that you post an essay for review here, please include the original prompt that you are responding to. It will help me to better assess the work that you did in terms of task accuracy and discussion type. At this point, I cannot do that with this essay. I can however, tell you that you did pretty good work on this essay. You made yourself understood the reader and there no point in the essay when I did not understand what you were trying to say. Having said that, I have to point out the two mistakes that you made in this essay. The first, is in the opening statement where you paraphrased the prompt topic but then proceeded to discuss the 3 reasons that you were going to use to justify your personal opinion. You are not allowed to present facts in the opening statement for the simple reason that the opening statement is meant to only be an outline of the discussion. Once you begin to present facts, you need to fully develop those discussions. That is why the actual presentation of facts are left for the body paragraphs. In the opening statement, you should have stopped at the point where you indicated that you were going to discuss 3 reasons to support your claim. This is the same problem that occurred in your closing paragraph. You continued to discuss an additional reason instead of closing the statement with a summary of the previous discussion, which is the required content for the closing paragraph.
**Some people believe that there should be a fixed punishment for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment.  
  
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.**  
  
## punishments system

  
  
Although there is no doubt that crime must be punished, it is important to consider which type of panel system is most appropriate. While some believe that a system of fixed sentences should be adopted, I support the view that punishments should be based on motives and circumstances.  
  
Those who advocate implementing a judicial process of set punishments may argue that this would make criminal trials more efficient. For example, once a jury has decided a particular defendant is guilty of murder, the judge need only refer to the 'punishment of murder' to sentence that person to life imprisonment. The benefit of this is that a huge amount of time would be saved in court, thus leading to significant financial savings. As a result, more money could be spent on healthcare, education and welfare.  
  
Nevertheless, I would argue that the above system is too rigid, and a process of 'flexible' punishments is much fairer. The latter punishment system, which many countries use, leaves more room for compassion toward offenders who have been blackmailed or manipulated. For instance, under this system, if a thief is able to prove that he had been bullied into committing his crime, he should be sentenced to less prison time than a thief who had been motivated by greed. If, instead, fixed punishments were implemented, this sense of fairness and morality would be lost.  
  
In conclusion, while a legal system of fixed punishments might be more cost-effective and efficient, a procedure of assessing crimes based on circumstances and motives is more just, and justice, in my view, is quintessential.  
  
Please, I need your feedback and what IELTS band score should one expect?
@near9 You did explain 2 opinions in your essay. But you did not discuss the opinions as dictated by the original prompt. The discussion instruction calls for you to discuss 3 points:  
  
1. The pro side  
2. The con side  
3. Your personal opinion  
  
What I saw in your essay were only 2 discussion points:  
1. The pro side  
2. Your personal opinion  
  
This means missed that you totally missed a full paragraph discussion in relation to the con side. Sadly, your statement / opinion of support for the con side would have received a better score had you completed the 3 body paragraph discussion requirement.  
  
Additionally, your paraphrased prompt does not accurately paraphrase the original prompt and discussion method either. Never present your opinion in that portion. These isn't room to develop your response. That is the academic rule regarding paraphrasing in these exams.  
  
It is because of the missing paragraph and the mistake in the paraphrasing that this essay will not be able to score higher than a 5. Always make sure that all of the prompt requirements are satisfied in the essay before you submit it. Count the number of discussions in the body paragraph that are required and make sure you have the same number of discussion points in the essay. That will at least make your response task accurate and improve your score in that section.
**Some people say that tourism has many negative effects on the countries that people travel to. What tourists can do to reduce the harmful effects of tourism on local cultures and environments?**  
  
............................................................................................................................................................  
Please give me advices and score  
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## harmful effects of tourism

  
  
In this era, tourism is favorite activity in lifestyle of majority people and choice of destination is borderlees. All people know that all things about tourism are beneficial, especially for developing rate the country's economic, but sometimes people think tourism has detrimental effect on the country -- as the destination. In the following essay I will explain the issues are caused and solutions tourists can do to reduce the effects, on cultures and environments primarily.  
  
The more crowded the destination of tourism, the more possible the environment become mess. Pollution, garbage, and vandalism are the example of cause of distructed environment. Without good management, beauty of destination is no longer can attract the tourist anymore. Beach in Bali, Indonesia as example, which the popular one as first choice of beautiful beach in the world. Tourist prefers to enjoy the landscape of sea from the beach or go surfing. Just if the amount of garbage uncleaned and uncontrolled because the tourist and local employee are ignorant, the beautiful beach will lost its beauty. Secondly, it is lifestyle changing in food and clothes as parts of culture. Tourist's lifestyle can influence local lifestyle. Taking Bali as an example again, as a part of Indonesia which has eastern tradition and norm. Balinese --especially who live nearby beach or have a job in tourism-- can easily know the kind of tourist's food and beverage, such as wine, even it be normal in Balinese's eye and they are influenced to enjoy it, whereas eastern norm says it is bad.  
  
In order to overcome these problems, the tourists can bring their own trash bag or anything which can put trash. It can effectively dimilish amount of trash, because each tourist is aware do not leaving waste except put into trash bag. At least, the tourists want to keep the destination clean. Although they are in beach, they do not litter their surrounding --sea and beach. Second solution is before the trip begin, they should search information about the destination, how the culture and characterics of the local. They should know what the differences of culture between their home and the destination. Respecting all things of diversity, as guest, they can enjoy the beauty of destination.  
  
In conclusion, there are two harmful effects on the countries of tourism destination which are did by tourist, that are littering and changing on food and clothes. To meet the need, they have to bring trash bag and search information about the country's culture.
Muhammad, your control over the development of English sentences can be considered quite horrible at this point. It is important for you to learn how to write English sentences properly. That is because you are taking an English language test which requires you to be able to express yourself intelligently in English. At this point, the essay you wrote causes undue stress on the reader due to the problems with grammar structure that exists from the beginning to the end of the essay. I think the problem is because you are translating what you are writing from your vernacular tongue. That is why your language structure is so problematic.  
  
I am advising you to try writing in basic English sentences, not necessarily the IELTS essay questions yet, just basic sentences that can be translated from your native language to English in Google Translate if possible. This will show you how to properly translate your thoughts to English because in your vernacular, your language is correct, so it should transfer in a more proper manner to English using that program. Take note of how it was translated by the program and remember how the sentences were structured. That should help you to better translate your thoughts to English.  
  
I will not score this essay at this point because the score is not passing and it will just dishearten you. So no score for now. However, I will score your next essay so I hope to see improvement in your writing skills by then. By the way, be careful of your spelling. It isn't "distructed environment. The term is "Destructed environment". You will be scored on your spelling and lexical resource so you need to be sure you at least spell the word properly for proper scoring consideration.
This essay is lack of advanced vocabulary and structures, there are some words that you repeated many times. You also need to correct a huge number of your grammar mistakes.  
  
More importantly, you need to understand the task better. It tells you to explain the solutions, not to describe the problem, which means you went off the topic in the first body paragraph. You should mention the first solution and describe it in details in the first one and do the same in the second.  
  
However, your source of ideas is impressive. All you need to do is practicing arranging your opinions. Good luck, mate! (^\_<)〜☆
Hello all,  
Please check out the essay for me. I am sincerely thankful for anyone who can provide any advice or suggestions. If possible, please give me detailed marks and score the essay as well. Thank you so much.  
  
QUESTION  
  
**The bar chart shows the divorce rates in two European countries from 2011 to 2015.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
## Divorce statistics in two Scandinavian countries

  
  
ESSAY  
  
The given bar illustrates the percentages of divorce rates in two European nations (Finland and Sweden) between 2011 and 2015. Overall, the number of divorce rates in both countries were all over 30% during this five years. The data in Sweden were higher than in Finland despite a marginal dip in the year of 2015.  
  
In 2012, it is notable that the percentage of divorce rate in Sweden reached a peak at approximately 50% indicating the largest gap of 17% in contrast to the number in Finland, with around 33% of divorce rate. Within this five years, the rates in Sweden were all roughly between 35% and 50%, while in Finland, the data was only in the range between 30% and 40%, implicitly showing that there were more divorced people in Sweden during the period.  
  
However, the gap of the rates in those two countries had decreased by about 4% by 2015, with 37% in Sweden and 41% in Finland. The divorce rates, hence, were inclined to rise up in Finland, while the ones tended to decrease in Sweden.  
  
--  
  
I am wondering  
1. if there is any problem with my essay structure?  
2. if the detail data is provided too less? For instance, I didn't write down every Sweden's percentage from 2011 to 2015 chronologically.  
  
Please check this for me because I couldn't find any person around me to correct the essay or advise me. This website is the one I found that it might help me a lot.  
  
*
Hi Wendy, your essay does have a few problems that would lower your task accuracy score in the scoring criteria. The required summary overview doesn't properly detail the given information and yes, you will lose points for not discussing every year indicated in the chart. The reason that this is a summary essay is because it has to summarize, in detail, the information from the bar graph. You took a shortcut in the presentation and that will cost you in terms of task accuracy. You also lost an opportunity to better show off your English grammar skills because of the missing discussion points. Please allow me to show you how you could have received a better TA score in this essay through a well developed opening summary:  
  
*A bar chart was provided for this essay indicating the divorce rates in the European countries of Finland and Sweded. The divorce rate information was collated from 2011 to 2015. This essay will summarize the given information through the reporting of the main percentage features per year in each country. Comparisons will also be made whenever required.*  
  
In this proper format, you will notice that only the pertinent instructions and discussion information were outlined. The presentation does not allow for the inclusion of actual facts and data as yet because the outline for discussion, which will serve as the reader's guide, has yet to be finalized for presentation. That is done in the body paragraphs of the essay instead. This is a standard requirement and does not change for the IELTS Task 1 test.  
  
My breakdown for your score, based upon the aforementioned mistakes in it would be as follows:  
  
TA - 4 due to the incomplete summary outline  
LR - 5 because of mistakes in word usage such as "this" instead of "these"  
C&C - 5 since you did not pause to create separate sentences that could have been better understood.  
GRA - 5 since you tried to develop complex sentences when what you should have been doing was presenting better developed simple sentences.  
  
All of these paragraphs should have at least 3 sentences in them as per the minimum sentence requirement for essays. You have too many run on sentences in the essay because you used commas to separate your discussion. The period is more effective to use because it allows the reader to truly pause in order to accurately consider the statement information. Your final score could probably be anywhere from a 5 to a 5.5.
Dear @Holt  
Thank you so much for providing the instruction to me. I REALLY APPRECIATE your prompt response and I can see that I have to work on my essay a lot. With your suggestions, yes, I have found that my opening summary has a big problem and has to be revised. I have reread my essay again and found that my sentences in the body paragraph are too long just like what you taught me and that would mislead the reader's guide. Before yesterday, there was no one telling me that one paragraph has to contain at least 3 sentences. But now, I would keep all your advice in my mind. Sincerely appreciate.  
  
Here is the essay that I rewrite again, PLEASE check it out for me and give me a score as well. Thank you so much.  
  
If there is any advice from other people, I would still welcome and appreciate a lot.  
  
ESSAY  
  
The given bar chart illustrates the percentages of divorce rates in two European countries of Finland and Sweden during the years between 2011 and 2015. Overall, both nations had some fluctuations. The data in Sweden represented a downward trend, while the one in Finland indicated an upward trend.  
  
To begin, divorce rate in Sweden was at around 44% and then it reached a peak of roughly 50% in 2012. After the first two years, Sweden's divorce gradually decreased from the top to about 46% and 45% in 2013 and 2014 respectively. By 2015, the data had dropped to the number of approximately 37%, which was the only one lower than Finland's divorce rate.  
  
In terms of the information of Finland, around 36% of divorce rate represented initially in the first year. Later on, the percentage dropped to the lowest point of 32%, which created a large gap in contrast to the number in Sweden. Finland's divorce, however, started climbing up to a range between 39% and 41% during the period from 2013 to 2015.  
  
I am confused about whether I have to draw a conclusion at the end of IELTS TASK1?
write about the following topic:  
  
**"Every year several languages die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion"**  
  
## *PROTECTING THE VARIETY OF LANGUAGES*

  
  
I have written this essay once more.  
Please give me your advice and score prediction as well.  
Many thanks  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Recent survey shows that numerous languages is going to die. Some people think we just take it easy because life is becoming easy to master few languages in the future. But for me, I strongly disagree this view as languages play an irreplaceable role in human society from the past to the future.  
  
Obviously, languages come to resemble as a result of the steady progress of globalization, and language convergence benefit us a lot in many levels. People do not need to be proficient at multiple languages any more, consequently easing their burden in time and money, which could be utilized to do something meaningful. In addition, keeping contact with other countries in economy and culture is increasingly easy, thus our country can give GDP a boost. But it does not imply that taking measures to protect languages from going extinct is useless because it exerts great influence in the development of human society.  
  
There is no doubt that the implication of popular literary works and dramas, expressed in their specific language, can not be concisely expressed by other languages. For example, could you imagine Persian folk songs or Indonesian folk songs is deduced in english. In addition, language existing as one kind of cultural heritage for many years as well as the accumulation of life experience, has been beyond its definition, which could not be replaced by other languages.  
  
Apparently the idea that life will be easier if there are fewer languages is too short-sighted. People holding this view fail to take into consideration the role that languages play in human society upon which the survival of mankind and social progress build. (273 words)
Hi Shirely Fu,  
  
This is my contribution in regards to your essay.Please help me with my essay  
  
A recent survey (...) are going to abolish very soon.Some people believes it's even better since it is easier to learn fewer language. However, I strongly disagree with this view as (...) role in human society f~~rom the past to the future.~~  
  
Obviously, languages have came to resemble as (...) progress of the globalization.  
... to be proficient ~~at~~ in multiple languages any more. Therefore,...  
  
Apparently, the idea that ...
Question:  
**The best way for governments to solve the problem of traffic congestion is providing free public transport in 24 hours per day, and seven days a week.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## free public transport service?

  
  
In recent times, traffic jam has been in the limelight and has aroused wide concern for the debatable effects associated with it. Although some people are of the fervent conviction that the governments should address this alarming trend by providing free public transport every time, I firmly disagree with this statement by virtue of the following justifications.  
  
On one hand, public transportation systems play an imperative role in tackling the traffic congestion. First, investing public transport would decrease the total number of vehicles in a country. By way of illustration, a cutting-edge journal published by Florida State University revealed that the fewer number of private cars and motorbikes, the fewer locations witnessed traffic jam in urban areas. Second, this method will dip the number of traffic accidents leading to stuck in numerous locations. It is not until people experience traffic jam for hours on account of accidents caused by some drunk drivers that they gain full-scale awareness of the significance of supporting public transportation systems financially.  
  
On the other hand, I am fierce in the assertion that the authorities should not provide this service for free every time. There is no disputing the fact that it takes an enormous fund to regulate as well as preserve this system and the congestion just locates in some specific places so that it can waste a lot of money. Hence, should governments provide this service for free, it might lose much money from citizens to reinvest this system. It is irrefutable that the unconsciousness of the general population with free items and services can exacerbate the problem. Damaged facilities in public transport like bus caused by people lacking consciousness lead to delay the transportation which affects to the public transport flow's quality.  
  
In conclusion, it is possible to sense to convey the idea that governments should not provide free public transport service every time due to numerous aforementioned factors.  
  
Please give me your advice and score prediction as well.  
Many thanks
It is not until people experience ...  
  
i think the last sentence of this paragraph is vague, not closely related to the previous sentence.   
  
"it can waste" could be replaced with "it may waste or it will waste"  
"it might lose much money from citizens to reinvest this system" not proper expression  
too many sentences starting with " it or there"  
three reasons is likely listed in this paragraph, including enormous found from government, reinvest this system and transportation delay".  
there is no explicit conjunctions hence, this paragraph is not very good.  
  
in general, it is pretty good in words and patterns  
i am just a newcomer, so i will not grade this essay. Fighting!  
  
Please give me your advice and score prediction as well.  
Many thanks
Bruce I believe that your score for this essay will not be more than a 1. That is because your response is totally unrelated to the task provided. You did a comparison discussion when you were being asked to defend a single opinion on the matter. The single opinion was to be discussed and defended through the presentation of the extent of your agreement or disagreement with the essay. Your prompt paraphrasing was confusing and your opinion as presented was wrong. Using the original prompt requirement, your paraphrasing and task sentence should have been as follows:  
  
*The problem of traffic congestion is something that the government has a hard time solving. Some believe that the traffic congestion problem can be easily resolved if the government would just offer free public transport on a 24 hour daily basis. I am not in agreement with this opinion to a certain extent due to several factors that I will be presenting in this essay.*  
  
Please note how I paraphrased the prompt using keywords from the original. This proves that I understood the topic for discussion and also, have a good enough grasp of English words so that i could accurately use them in sentences in my paraphrased statement. My discussion sentence also shows that I understand the instructions provided and that I had a clear opinion to be discussed later in the essay. These elements some of the most important considerations when writing an IELTS Task 2 essay. Try to use more keywords in your next practice test. I do not doubt that your score will improve immensely once you learn to use the keywords to your benefit.