dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***Task: Art classes, like painting and drawing, are not as important as other subjects, so some people think that it should not be a compulsory subject at high school.  
  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?***  
  
My answer:  
  
Nowadays, more and more parents would like to send their children to attend some extra-curricular lessons such as painting, drawing, dancing etc. On the other hand, some people don't feel such art classes important to other subjects as maths, chemistry, physics and so on. Hence, it might be a tricky question if the art classes are still essential at school.  
  
In fact, I think we should keep these art classes and I will take this question into three aspects: personal interests, learning environment and education structure.  
  
Firstly, schools are the place for students not only to learn new knowledge but also to cultivate their own interests, especially for some students with an art gift. For example, one of the famous Mandarin pop singers, Jay Chou was no good at the academic subjects when he was in high school. However, he was pretty interested in writing songs, from which he could express what he felt. If the art classes were cancelled at his high school, he might not have a chance to learn the basic music theories, which helped him to pursue a music career in an art school after he graduated from high school. Hence, keeping the art classes is necessary for sure.  
  
Secondly, in order to enter a good college or university, students at high school normally feel much nervous and competitive. With some art classes, it would be a unique opportunity to relax, which is more efficient for students to learn. Such as some hand-made works provide a place for students to get off their academic study.  
  
Thirdly, there is not just one way to success. Different subjects play the equivalent role in one student's academic pursue. If all high schools only provide academic classes, students with diversified backgrounds won't exist in the end.  
  
All in all, I believe art classes are as important as other subjects and should be expelled from high school's compulsory subjects.  
  
(319 words)
Point 1: According to the IELTS, you should use paragraphs logically and precisely. You have discussed in 3 paragraphs , but they are not in same size. That can hurt your score. You need to describe every aspect equally with supporting details and examples (Like every mother cares her every child ha ha) ( Coherence and cohesion)  
  
Point 2: I got your opinion unclear. At first, you told "In fact, I think we should keep these art classes". In the end, "should be expelled from high school's compulsory subjects.(Task response)  
  
"----> Dangerous mistake  
Point 3: using "won't","don't" is too casual in IELTS Academic writing.  
Point 4: Use another linking words( Not nowadays, firstly, secondly, thirdly). These does not include variety.  
Point 4: Check your essay grammatically (Actually here I just talked about quality. I did not find accuracy. You should check it out)  
  
And I hope you should read this article.  
And ya I cannot estimate your band score ( not so experienced )
The essay that you wrote does not respond in any way to the provided discussion question. Let's do a comparison below:  
  
OQ: To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
Response: it might be a tricky question if the art classes are still essential at school.  
  
Further creating a prompt deviation in your response is the following, irrelevant stand alone sentence:  
In fact, I think we should keep these art classes and I will take this question into three aspects: personal interests, learning environment and education structure.  
  
These prompt deviations will show the examiner that your answer is unrelated to the question or task. That means your TA score will automatically the second to the lowest score because the answer is not responsive to the task. You have just assured yourself of getting a failing score in the overall consideration. All because you failed in the most important scoring aspect of the presentation. The one related to English comprehension skills. You failed to understand the question and thus, failed to properly respond to it as well.
## foreign language knowledge when living abroad

  
  
**Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?  
  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  
  
Write at least 250 words.**  
  
One more useless thread title = ban  
  
While dwelling abroad, speaking a foreign language can be challenging for most of people. Some may argue that it is the reason for various social and practical problems. I tend to support this idea by taking account of some specific conditions.  
  
To learn to use a foreign language perfectly is almost impossible, resulting in serious problems while communicating with native speakers in another country. For example, students pursuing their studies abroad need to transfer to a foreign country for a certain period of time. After going there, they, suddenly, cannot mix up with other native people. As a result, they lag in studies, fail to buy necessary commodities, and make themselves isolated from the community. To depict more pragmatic problems related to these, they start to feel alone and bored. For some cases, it leads to more dangerous consequences: financial and mental-health problems.  
  
Furthermore, lacking the skill of using a non-native language can create social distance within distant cultures. For instance, If an individual from another country is reluctant to share his experience, native people will feel intimidated to stay with this kind of person. Consequently, particular disgust can lead to a bad impression of the whole country of that person. Fewer people will opt for living in a foreign country. This can impact the overall relation between two countries.  
  
Considering these options, I partially agree that lacking knowledge of foreign language can cause problems though there are some dominant exceptions. In recent years, for increasing global communication,children are learning foreign languages as a part of their primary education. Almost every country has their specific language requirements that every student or immigrant must follow to enter that country. Having a standard level skill for communication, people can reduce the space of creating misunderstanding.  
  
After considering the skill of communication, I must agree that the people who are not strong enough to use foreign languages can be the reasons for arising serious and practical problems abroad including social communication and national problems.
Hi Thanks for the comments on my thread, that is really helpful.  
  
After i read through your essay, i feel you have a good ability to use words, with various expressions, which is great.  
  
As for the structure, i think combining the last two paragraphs would make the whole essay more clear coz you said you partially agree in the last second paragraph but turn to must agree in the last paragraph. i am a little confused to exactly what extend do you agree.  
  
just my personal ideas, not an expert. XD
@tctc8797  
Thanks for finding this out. I need to think about clarity! Actually I wanted to give a conclusion and I should not use the word "must" here. I gave a timed exam and ran out in the last paragraph. So, just missed it.  
  
(The ideas you mentioned in your paragraph were enough and mature!I forgot to mention it.  
and I found out mistakes, but I did them in case of own as well. It's the nature of human XD)
## Becoming a better person

  
  
I am a high school student and of course, I am a normal human being, not a registered hero. But hidden in me are precious thoughts because you know: the little things make the most special. Are you curious about what I'm thinking? That is, I want to change the world that is both friendlier and more modern. I wondered if I alone could change the world with nearly 8 billion people. And I have this important thought: don't just think and do nothing, the world won't change the way you want it to. First of all, to do this, you must change your perceptions and actions. You ask the world to end the war and long tense conflicts but you don't put love in your family and the people around you, you don't care who is suffering at the end of the street. I consider everyone's world as my life, so to change the world I have to become a better child, a better friend, helping people I know, and people I don't know. I give what I can give, do what I can do like give love, spirit, time, and small things that I have
You are not really responding to the question. You are giving what we call a non-response. A whitewash. An empty discussion that does not make any sense when one considers the topic you were given. You have to at least try and give an idea of how you would change the world. Pick an avenue to discuss. You could decide to change anything in the world. Pick one. Something of interest to you that you feel you can change for the better. This response is irrelevant to the discussion and will not get you a very good grade should you submit it to your teacher. The essay or statement needs to reflect that you at least tried to develop a response relevant to the discussion. That means, discussing anything, even if it is only changing the logo of Burger King or something. Give a direct response. I know you were trying to be analytical by delivering a "pondering" response. Unfortunately, you failed to do that successfully.
***In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying.***  
  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree with that statement?

  
  
It has been argued that future printed newspapers will be replaced since people can access all kinds of information for free. I completely agree with this opinion because of 2 main reasons which will be discussed in this essay  
  
Firstly, reading online newspapers are free and convenient. Owning devices such as smartphone, e-book,.. which are capable of connecting internet become easier and cheaper. Poor people are affordable to buy a new smartphone with low price. So that any individuals can have a device to read online newspapers or books. There are many searching tools such as google, edge,... and many online newspapers applications. With this, people can read all kinds of information and up to date news without limited and they dont have to pay for those information. That is the reason why some journalists decided to write new articles in web so readers can reach the information quickly and precisively.  
  
Another reason is printed newspapers can harm to the environment. Using online newspapers, which journalists can write their articles by their computer and smartphone and post it into the internet. So that everyone can read it without harming environment. But printed newspapers are different from them, to produce large amounts of newspapers everydays, publishers have to use a lot of papers to print on it. Futhermore, it is unable for them to produce a precisive munbers of newspapers everyday. So there will be a lot of extra newspapers and after a day, they will become trash which affect the environment without carefully management.  
  
In conclusion, online newspapers or books are not only convenient and free, but also environmentally friendly than reading printed newspapers or books
You are being asked to consider a discussion point. You are not being asked to represent an argument. So the use of the word "Argument" to describe the topic is incorrect. Rather you could have said :  
  
*There has been considerable discussion regarding the future of newspapers or books. There is a belief that printed versions of these print media will become irrelevant as these will become readily available for free online in the future. I completely support this idea because of 2 reasons. First... Second...*  
  
If you add the discussion topic outline in the paraphrase, you will help to increase your overall TA score as you will provide a proper rephrasing of the topic, the correct reason for the discussion, your opinion, and the clear supporting reasons for your opinion. The 3-5 sentence format always benefits the exam taker in this part of the test.  
  
Do not use word fillers such as "Firstly" and "Another reason". The coherence and cohesiveness of your discussion will be seen in the way that you use proper transition sentences and related topic sentences within succeeding paragraphs. You would also receive a better overall score when you properly summarize your previous discussions within the concluding summary. Use the 3-5 sentence presentation there also. It is better to have the long version of the conclusion, meaning a summary recap of the discussion, rather than a single run on that implies a new, but under developed opinion. That is a non-requirement in the presentation.
## smartphones and education

  
  
In today's world, the use of smartphones is widespread by myriads of people of different ages. It is thought that students ought to be authorized to use mobile phones at school. I believe although using phones has several adverse impacts, its benefits are undeniable.  
  
On the one hand, using smartphones in class is associated with numerous advantages. Firstly, it helps communication goes on. If students have phones, the mobility and flexibility between them and their parents will grow. As a matter of fact, under any circumstances, students could call for help without confronting the predicaments alone. Secondly, smartphones suit student's educational purposes. In particular, it enables learners to access a wealth of knowledge to search for necessary information. As we are living in a technology boom century, electronics are moving into our lives and we could not do anything but adapt to it. So using technology is fundamental skill students have to hone.  
  
On the other hand, its disadvantages cannot be denied. To begin with, smartphones could distract students from studying, and they don't concentrate on the lessons anymore. As a result, their academic performances will decrease and students would have underachievements. Another factor is that smartphones can be used to cheat on tests. Students can search or text friends to get the right answers. Besides, the lack of face to face communication due to the excessive use of mobile phones can worsen certain relationships. This is a severe problem that may affect students' psychology when they're adults. Nevertheless, the amount of time one spends on phones is contingent on himself or herself. So teachers should guide students to manage their time-consuming phones properly.  
  
In conclusion, smartphones bring both advantages and disadvantages to users. I believe that students should use them wisely to take full benefits instead of becoming addicted to them.
In the paraphrase section, you forgot to include the reason from the original prompt that explains why people think students should be allowed to use mobile phones in school. When you say that the benefits of having students use a smartphone at school, you should also indicate the 2 main reasons why you believe this to prepare the examiner for the topics that you will be further expanding on in the reasoning paragraphs. That specific presentation will help you gain a better TA score in terms of delivering a clear opinion on the topic.  
  
Do not use word fillers like "on the one hand" and "on the other hand". That does not help to increase any of the scoring considerations. Additionally, this is not a comparative essay. The focus of this discussion must be only on the reasons by you believe the benefits cannot be denied. You are contradicting yourself within the reasoning paragraphs, making your actual opinion unclear to the examiner. Use a supportive discussion only for your point of view. It is not going to help to confuse your essay presentation.
## advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad

  
  
Nowadays, when the economy and transport conditions increase, studying abroad becomes one of the students' choices to spend their time during high school or university. In my opinion, there are some advantages and disadvantages when studying in another country.  
  
On the one hand, there are some advantages when learning in another country. First, it is an excellent opportunity to learn not only knowledge but also improving the second language. For example, I was born in Vietnam, and I am currently a Ph.D. student in France. Participate in a real class, discuss with the classmates and teamwork in most courses, etc. All of them help me obtain a lot of knowledge and improve my French, especially speaking skills, which had ever taken me a lot of time to learn in Vietnam. Surprisingly, only after nearly four months of enjoying the class, I can speak fluently. Studying in this culturally rich country gives me many real experiences besides the lesson on the university amphitheater. I have opportunities to learn about culture, cuisine, understand and experience the lifestyles of natives through extracurricular activities such as picnic, outdoor activities, or only go to the supper market.  
  
On the other hand, when studying abroad, you face some difficulties, especially in the first period. The main problem is the lack of language skills, especially is listening and speaking skills. Although I had carefully prepared about the language, in fact that the first time I was timid and worried when I communicate or present. The second, I want to comment on the situation which is called "Culture shock". If it is complicated living in a new environment, all things are different from living in your country while living so far from your family. I have ever fallen in this case, facing a varied sad feel. My friends from Vietnam also had the same sense, while some people even were stressed and came back to your country when they could not overcome this challenge. Besides, you can meet some disadvantages such as food, weather, etc.  
  
In summary, with any choice, you always have two sides that you have to face: advantages and disadvantages. The important thing, you need to prepare carefully for your journey.
There are way too many words in this essay. Never write more than 275-290 words to avoid making more errors in your presentation. Within this 2 page essay, you managed to make several errors in spelling, grammar, conciseness, and vocabulary. That means that this essay will have severe points deducted based on the scoring rubic alone, without considering the formatting response errors yet.  
  
You made an error in the TA section when you gave a personal opinion in the restatement paragraph. The prompt is not asking you to give an opinion, it is only asking you discuss 2 connected advantages and disadvantages within the 2 reasoning paragraphs. You changed the prompt instructions by giving a personal opinion and you will receive penalty deductions for that.  
  
Your concluding paraphrase is not reflective of the expected format. This section should not continue to defend your opinion but rather, summarize the discussion points you gave in the reasoning paragraphs along with a restatement of the topic. That takes 3-5 sentences. You have also over discussed the reasoning paragraphs by not sticking to the standard 3-5 sentence format per paragraph.  
  
There are only 40 minutes given for you to write the perfect essay. Focus less on length and more on the clarity of your writing. Use at least 5 minutes to spot and correct any other errors you may have made while drafting the essay.
My teacher only gave me this topic and asked me to write a short essay without telling me word limit or essay structure. So I've written this in form of writing task 2:  
  
## Do what extend you agree or disagree

.  
  
Some people believe university or college is not the best way to have a successful career. However, I partly agree with this view as I believe that people should purchase their dreams as well as have a degree in their profession.  
  
In modern days, more and more stories about self-made millionaires have been told as inspirations of incredible success without having any diplomas. From such stories and belief of many people, working right after high school graduation has many surprising benefits. First, it is a chance for young people to have their first-hand experiences to earn money. Second, making a living is not a piece of cake but it is definitely the fastest way to become mature. Youngsters acknowledge the money's worth and are more careful with each penny spent once they join the workforce.  
  
On the other hand, in reality, higher education is a more popular choice for several reasons. Firstly, to get employed by prestigious companies, employees are expected to meet compulsory requirements of qualifications. They are more likely to have a well-paid job and promising opportunities for future promotion. Furthermore, college provides the young with not only speciality knowledge but also suitable health care. They are well-prepared both mentally and physically and use everything leant as a stepping stone to cope with ups and downs in life.  
  
All in all, going to college or working have their own advantages but in my opinion, university is a more stable option.
some personal suggestions to change:  
- please write "...going to university or college...." for clearer sentence.  
- what does "purchase" mean in this context? Please notice to your language use.  
- the 1st body paragraph has no topic sentence. I recommend you should change the order of sentence 1 and 2.  
- In conclusion paragraph, "have" should be "has" and "their" should be "its". Avoid letting your last paragraph be too short, shoud from 2 to 3 sentences  
the rest of your essay seems quite solid.
Hi, my name is Kim Anh. I'm considering about taking IELTS test in Marth next year but i'm not good at writing skill,really hope that you guys can give me some advices.Thank you so much!  
  
**Topic: Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs ( for examples working for a charity, improving the neighborhood, or teaching sports to younger children)  
  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
It is undeniable that a non-profit organization is increasingly becoming popular and important because of its social and community activities which result in improvement not only in public awareness but also in economic infrastructure. I completely agree with the obligation of unpaid community service in high school.  
  
Firstly, students can enhance their life skills through practical lessons such as how to raise funds to help the disabled or people in need. Instead of monotonous and unpractical lessons and no after-school activities, they will be strenuous to achieve their voluntary goals for the community. Besides, students can embrace a myriad of career guide opportunities, widen their relationship, and importantly well-prepared to cope with future difficulties.  
  
Secondly, by being given compulsory charitable work activities they will be more responsible for what they are assigned and also matured enough to make judicious decisions on their own compared to passive incompetence. Furthermore, perceptive insights into the real world spur them to come up with a long-term vision.  
  
Thirdly, neurological or gastrointestinal diseases can not penetrate students' bodies and harm their health because of their attendance in sport and extracurricular activities instead of playing games or watching TV after school. Students can get rid of unwholesome habits and be invigorated by competitively physical competitions which engender incredible excitement as well as willingness to learn.  
  
In conclusion, unpaid community service is believed not to be an obligatory but indispensable regime to foster the development of the educational system.