dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hi ! I am practising ielts . Please give me correct scoring if you can  
The prompt says :  
**Scientists and the news media are presenting ever more evidence of climate change. Governments cannot be expected to solve this problem. It is the responsibility of individual to change their life style to prevent further damage . What are your views?**  
  
## proposals for the solution of the climate change problem

  
  
Solutions of climate change have become a source of controversy all over the world. This raises a certain issue as to whether this problem depends on individual's life style and governments have no responsibility at all. On the balance, it is my position that governments and individuals are simultaneously liable for one  
  
First of it , the results of industry , which have produced carbon dioxide to cause greenhouse can only be solved and controlled by governments . They know how to diminish pollution such as limiting gas and fuel consumption, investing money to grow plants, trees. Moreover, governments also should enforce policies and punish the manufactories which intend to do illegally . For example , Paris agreement signed by UNFCCC members is dealing with greenhouse gas emission .  
  
Nevertheless , Not only do governments have responsibility for this problem, but also individuals must be the part of this one , if ones want to live in the clear and less polluted Earth . Instead of caring about inappropriate stuffs , ones should research how to improve our environment regarding realistic actions by themselves such as do not throw the trash away after using those , which can be recycled because the more less unconscious we are , the more polluted the earth becomes. As individuals, with environmental knowledge , ones ought to encourage the others to that individuals should use less electricity , use public transportation or by walking cycling ,...  
  
To conclude ,I think if both governments and individuals understand how The Earth needs them , the environment will be saved .
Hi Mai, thanks for posting the complete prompt and revised essay on your part. Having reviewed your work in reference to the prompt, I have to say that you cannot score higher than a 5 for this particular task. What is preventing you from getting a higher score in this essay are the problems that exist within it. For starters, you were quite careless when it came to using punctuation marks. You neglected to place a period at the end of sentences and, even more concerning, is that you used a comma and ellipses to close the essay. That is never done in this instance as there is no room for contemplative comments in a discussion essay. The use of ellipses makes it seem like there is more a conversation coming when in actuality, that is the end of the essay. It misleads the reader and causes the examiner to feel stress at the end because there was no additional information forthcoming.  
  
Next, there is a lack of pertinent information presentation in the essay. The clear evidence of this can be found in the second paragraph where you begin to discuss the Paris Climate Agreement towards the end of the essay. You present the name of the agreement but then fail to explain its relevance and importance to the issue of climate change. Without the proper development of your last sentence line, the information you gave only serves to confuse the examiner. Keep in mind that you have to assume that the examiner is unfamiliar with your reasons and therefore, requires some sort of better developed discussion of it in the essay.  
  
Your concluding statement is too short to be considered a valid conclusion. You must improve that presentation because the concluding statement is required to have at least 3 informative sentences within it before it can be considered as a proper concluding statement.
I am a beginer of writing essays. So could you give me exactly what i lack of and what i need to do.  
  
## Understanding the Earth

  
  
Scientists and the news media are presenting ever more evidence of climate change. Governments cannot be expected to solve this problem. It is the responsibility of individual to change their life style to prevent further damage  
  
Solution of climate change has become a source of controversy all over the world. This raises a certain issue as to whether this problem depends on individual's life style and governments have no responsibility at all. On the balance, it is my position that governments and individuals are simultaneously liable for one  
  
First of it , the results of industry , which have produced carbon dioxide to cause greenhouse only can be solved and controlled by governments . They know how to diminish pollution such as limiting gas and fuel consumption, investing money to grow plants, trees. Moreover, governments also should enforce policies and punish the manufactories which intend to do illegally . For example , Paris agreement signed by UNFCCC members is dealing with greenhouse gas emission .  
  
Nevertheless , Not only do governments have responsibility for this problem, but also individuals must be the part of this one , if ones want to live in the clear and less polluted Earth . Instead of caring about inappropriate stuffs , ones should research how to improve our environment regarding realistic actions by themselves such as do not throw the trash away after using those , which can be recycled because the more less unconscious we are , the more polluted the earth becomes. As individuals, with environmental knowledge , ones ought to encourage the others to that individuals should use less electricity , use public transportation or by walking cycling ,...  
  
To conclude ,I think if both governments and individuals understand how The Earth needs them , the environment will be saved .
Mai, since you are a newcomer to the forum, I guess you do not know that we require you to post the prompt that you are responding to before you post the essay that you wrote in response to it. That will help us to assess the problems of your essay stemming from prompt compliance to scoring the bandwidth criteria. So kindly post the prompt requirement below my response to you for a more detailed assessment of your work.  
  
As of now, I can tell you that the major mistake you made in this essay is that you placed your opinion as a separate paragraph before you presented the proper overview statement in the introductory paragraph that should have included a short note as to what your personal opinion will be as presented in the essay. That is the main problem that I found with your work.  
  
The rest of the essay is acceptable enough at the moment. That opinion will change as you post the prompt you are responding to. By the way, normally, your personal opinion is presented in the fourth paragraph as that is meant to serve as the transition statement going into your conclusion. Just a note for you to remember when you write your next practice test.  
  
I will reserve the additional review of your essay work for when you have already posted your prompt requirement. By the way, please identify if it is a practice test for TOEFL or IELTS. That way we can use the correct scoring system for your work. That is if you want to have your work scored. You should tell us if you want it scored as well.
**Art is considered an essential part of all culture throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology, and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the art?**  
  
## Art's lesser appreciation

  
  
Playing paramount role in culture and society, the existence of art is neglected by the development of science, technology, and business. This phenomenon is viral in society, adjusting the way people think then decreasing their respect to art. However, some efforts should be done to bring back art position in society. This will be explained as follows.  
  
Art is closely akin to abstract things such as music, painting, and sculpture as well as poem aimed to entertain people. This area beautifies and fascinates the tangible things used by people in their daily life. Hence due to its indirect impact, more and more people look down at art. Otherwise, science, technology, and business always discover new inventions affected human's convenience. Offering applicative solutions, those products enhance society's welfare for instance, the cutting-edge smartphone ease people around the world to communicate. However, art is not mere beautification, urgently, how to alter human's perspective and trigger the creativity. Without art, scientist conducted research, business earned profit or engineer innovate machine will face difficulties to connect the previoys theory with the reality because art train critical thinking to solve problem  
  
However, to encourage people interest in art, stakeholders should be campaign the beneficial of study art, such as the teacher introduces art as compulsory subject in school. In addition, government allocate budget to renovate art galleries or museums and increase the facilities inside. Art combined with technology will excite more visitors.  
  
In conclusion, art plays important role in human's life and science indeed. Therefore, a good cooperation and effort between stakeholders and citizens are highly demanded to preserve the existence of art in society.
Ayu, I believe that your essay can garner an overall score of 5. That means that is the highest score that you can possibly get, in my opinion, for all 4 scoring brackets of the task 2 essay. The reason for this is simple. The essay does not completely and properly address the prompt requirements. In fact, there is a confusion regarding your presentation of the paraphrased prompt. You have a tendency to cause undue stress or confusion for the reader because of your lack of properly developed ideas and improper sentence structures. While I understand that you are trying to use more complex English words, you have to understand that complex words, used in the wrong context, ends up being hurtful to your score in the end. That is because you do not properly deliver on your thoughts or explanations. These are problems that can be fixed over time. The more familiar you get with the English vocabulary, the more proper your writing will become in terms of word usage and lexical resources.
## many ways to pollute the atmosphere - not only by flight

  
  
These days people involve in environmental protection more than earlier due to pollution has been began as a result of industrial revolution in the 19th century.Environmental pollution can be identified as three main types such as air pollution Land pollution and water pollution.Many people think that air pollution is the most harmful pollution type in the environment since harmful atmosphere make it difficult for plants,animals and humans to survive as the air becomes dirty.Even though some people believe that by reducing air travel can be protected environment,it can't believe since there are many reasons for environmental contamination.  
  
one way to do this would be limit air travel because these days many people use air travel as a transportation method as a result of reducing price of air ticket rather than past.Furthermore there is no argument that air travel is the fastest method for transportation. As a result of increasing air travel it is caused to burn more fossil fuels by releasing large amount of sulfur oxides to atmosphere.Therefore,by limiting air travel it can be protect environment by reducing release of sulfur oxides .  
  
However,There are many other ways we could reduce emissions, for example if we can increase use of Biomass fuels instead of use fossil fuels it cause to minimize production of sulfur oxides.Furthermore,when we consider about other facts which cause to air pollute it seems that air travel is not the main reason for air pollution.Agriculture activities,exhaust from factories and industries ,Mining operations and house hold cleaning products emit toxic chemicles in the air pollution.Hence,by increasing efficiency of fuel,way pollute atmosphere.use wind,building carbon capture plants and replace coal based electric by using Nuclear can be reduced air impurity.  
  
In summary I believe that reducing air travel is not most effective way of reducing emissions because it is not only way pollute atmosphere.
Chathuri, it would be best for your essay if you can provide us with the complete prompt instructions. At the moment, I cannot decipher the point of your essay and how it should be scored based on the band requirements because the conversation you are presenting is highly confusing and as such, does not make sense to the reader. This sort of stress upon the reader is what will earn you a low to failing score in an actual test. I believe that once you provide the complete prompt, I will be able to better direct your essay towards a proper set up.  
  
At the moment, your essay suffers severely in the areas of task accuracy and grammar range / accuracy. There is a lack of cohesive and coherent discussion because of the lack of focus in sentence topics. Finally, your lexical resources are questionable as they do not match the type of debate that you are trying to present. I can show you how to improve the discussion, but first, I need to know how the instructions are requiring you to respond to the prompt. Please post the original instructions in this thread as soon as you can so that I can offer you a more insightful review of your work.
**The graph below gives information about the number of cases of diarrhea in Mashhad between 1983 and 1992. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant**  
  
## specific condition among Mashhad's dwellers

  
  
Given is the line graph describing the changes of diarrhea cases in Mashhad for nine years. Overall, for the beggining of periods, the number of diarrhea cases remained relatively static, however predominant cases was experienced throughout the last periods prior to no case was detected in the year of 1992.  
  
In 1983, Mashhad's dwellers infected diarrhea stood at 100 cases, remaining stable for three years later. Following this, moderate growth was shown in 1986, reaching around 175 cases, then increased slightly to near 200 cases in 1987.  
  
In the next period, some violent fluctuations of diarrhea cases was shown. This plunged to the similar number with initial period (around 90 cases). In 1988, surprisingly, an tremendous increase was noticed to around 400 cases, almost four time as high as previous period. However, it dropped noticeably to just over 350 cases in 1991. Interestingly, in 1992, no diarrhea case was recorded after an enormous fall was occured.  
  
*
Ayu, while your essay is well within the 150 requirement of the task, it feels like you did not try to impress the reviewer by completing more informative sentences per paragraph. This is specially noticeable in the first paragraph where you only have 2 sentences that do not really deliver an overview of the important keywords in the line chart. If you had included some keywords, you would have scored better in terms of task accuracy, lexical resource, and grammar accuracy. In the second paragraph, when you indicated that the figures remained stable, you should have indicated the consecutive years including the number of cases per year as the chart specifically indicates the rates on a year to year basis. That is important information that you failed to present. Simply picking up from 1986 is not as informative because you did not outline the years in the establishing sentence prior to it. In the last paragraph, do not use the term "violent" as that signifies and action instead of a charting trend. The more appropriate term to use would have been either significant or notable, in keeping with the academic trend of writing.
Write about the following topic:  
**University should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Answer:  
  
## uneven number of both sexes students

  
  
I do agree that university should accept the same number of male or female student in every subject. University should not specifically accept more girls or boys for whatever purpose. Of course,university must have no bias on male or female .They judge students by their GPA, expertise, sport performance, or characteristics. They should concern that whether abilities of the student fulfill the subject .  
  
But what if there are more female/male students want to go to some subjects? What if the bias and the sexist have already existed in society? People grow up with those perception which affect us on our choices. There are more female nurses than male ones.There are more male police officers than female ones. People could see this phenomenon at a lot of work. These factors would make affect us on decisions including which subject we choose.So, if there are more male student want to major in some subject ,university would naturally accept more male student. No matter university means it or not. But it doesn't mean university has bias.  
  
So this is not a question about how should university be fair or what is my opinion about how university may have prejudges. The point is how we jump off the stereotype in society to find what we really want to be. The first step is that education system should portray the idea about equality or looking for our own interests before we choosing the subject or work in the future. People should not be judged only by appearance or gender.
Hi @MH\_tw due to the fact that this essay is ielts writing task 2, you should write this essay more formal, reducing question statement and writing systematically. For instance, in the first paragraph you should paraphrase the question before state your argument.  
  
In my opininion, you have not built your idea clearly, you should explain more deeply about the reason. Well, in the last paragraph, adding conclusion will be better.  
  
thanks
Ho, you approached this essay from the wrong perspective. In fact, you seem to have decided to answer a totally different question from the one posed before you towards the end of the essay. This could not score any higher than a 1 in my opinion because of the way that you deviated totally from the standard IELTS task 2 presentation. The problems of your essay include, but are not limited, to the following:  
  
1. Improper paraphrasing of the prompt requirement. A discussion of your personal opinion does not belong in the introductory statement. Only an overview of the prompt and its supporting discussions are required in this part.  
  
2. You are posing questions in the essay that, although related to the original prompt, you do not properly respond to in the paragraph. Thus, the paragraph becomes weak, irrelevant, and inappropriate for the discussion.  
  
3. Your conclusion does not relate to the prompt requirement at all. It discusses a totally different question from the original prompt. Which would in the end result in this essay totally failing in the task accuracy score.  
  
These major problems with your essay show a lack of English comprehension abilities. As such, you need to practice your reading comprehension exercises more, prior to writing more practice tests. Otherwise, you will continue to make the same mistakes and not improve regardless of how many essays you practice writing.
**"Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?**  
  
## "How do celebrities become famous?''

 That question has become a source of controversy over in the world. The rational of this question is less clear and dependent on individual opinion. The most answers received are by their glamour, wealth and a lot kind of scandals to increase bad influence on young generation. Based on Mỹ experience, I definitely agree with them. There are two reasons for my perspective on this  
  
First of it , Causing negative effects and bad example on young people .The message to young people is that success can be achieved easily is an obvious evidence. Some people think that the more scandals celebrities get, the more famous they are. Consequently, if one wants to be famous, one must know how to get glamour and wealth. No matter how illegal one is trying to. Can you imagine when it becomes a theory that so hard does one work that one gets nothing at all. There, school works is not necessary. Paris Hilton is known by scandals. She spends the most of times attending parties and nightclubs instead of training to become good character. She is a good example for who achieved fame by wrong reasons. Moreover, they are bad role models that young people trend to follow. Not only have celebrities used their glamour and wealthy to be known, but also they have used such as: alcohol ,marihuana, sexual harassments, outrageous words ,.....  
  
However, there are many celebrities whose accomplishments to be developed real skills and abilities for young people. When they appear on magazines reality program, they always feel confident because they are self -made celebrities .As celebrities, it is inevitable to avoid scandals. In my opinion, they know how to fix any problem with the slightest of the ease. Not them have they exploited to get attention from audiences  
  
In conclusion, everything is ''easy come easy go". Only when one works so hard, does one get what one wants. I recommend all celebrity's fan to separate their good stuffs to study and bad stuffs to avoid
Mai, this essay would automatically fail in an actual test because it is very obvious that you did not understand the prompt instructions. In fact, for your opening statement, rather than presenting a paraphrased version of the prompt discussion, you presented a totally different discussion question. It is the question that you chose to present to the reader, in opposition to the actual prompt discussion, that you ended up discussing in your essay. The essay also has a problem with sentence structure as your punctuation marks as misplaced or missing in some instance. For example. a period should have been placed at the end of the last sentence in the opening statement. The lexical resource is also problematic because you are using terms that do not apply to the discussion. I think that is being caused by your lack of familiarity with the English language. Terms such as "trend to follow" should have been written as "tend to follow". This is the term that indicates the possibility that a person will imitate something he has seen or heard. Marihuana should have been "marijuana", and other problems, have created a lexical and grammatical nightmare in your essay. When added up, this essay will not possibly get a passing score. I hope that this is just your first practice essay. If you take note of the aforementioned observations, you should be able to show improvement in your next and succeeding essays. You can only get better from here.