dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hi Ivan,  
Here's my contributions towards your report summary of IELTS writing task 1. I hope you can follow through.  
  
1st paragraph:  
- The figures inform the design ~~for~~of a machine that ~~can~~~~produce~~generates electricity from wind power and the ~~appropriate~~recommended locations~~to be placed~~for maximum electricity output .  
  
- Overall, it can be seen that placing the turbine ~~in the sea~~below the sea level~~may~~does not ~~destroy~~badly damage~~the pleasure of~~ the landscape. (stop, new sentence)  
  
- However, the turbine that is placed on top of the hill ~~produces~~receives maximum ~~electricity~~wind strength.  
  
I would like to suggest you that you need to complete the way that you present the information in the overview / introduction of your essay. You accidentally created only two sentences in what was otherwise a very strong start to your essay. Your mistake was compressing the information into the two sentences you presented. Hopefully, the above-mentioned feedback can help you in the next practice. :)
Writing Task 1 HAL 56 UNIT C  
  
The diagrams illustrate electricity generating design from wind turbine and where it optimum locations. In general, the equipment of wind turbine consists of blades which are made from fiberglass or timber, wind sensor, generator, and computer. Meanwhile, wind turbines able to be placed in the sea, near from housing, and above hill. Wind turbine in the sea not spoiled it landscape.  
  
The process is started when blades are propeled to rotate by wind. Wind sensor read the speed and direction of wind. The Computer receive info from sensor to adjusts blades with wind direction and angle. It makes generator produce 1.5 megawatts electicity output  
  
Two big wind turbines can be placed in the sea and above hill, while the small domestic turbine is placed in the land near from housing. The wind turbines which are placed on the hill and in the sea will get maximum wind strengths. More electricity can be generated from these turbines, each of them produce 1.5 megawatts. Whereas, domestic turbine only able to produce 100 kilowatts output of electricity  
  
*
Hi Miss Meireza..  
These are my thoughts towards your writing. Hopefully, these can finalize yours. Please, meet my notes and review them.  
  
The diagrams illustrate *electricity generating design from* COMPONENTS OF AN ELECTRICITY GENERATOR KNOWN-WELL AS A wind turbine and where ~~it optimum~~ locations CAN PRODUCE THE ELECTRICITY MAXIMALLY. ~~In general, the equipment of wind turbine consists ...~~(You should display the detailed information in the body paragraph) OVERALL, IT CAN BE OBVIOUSLY SEEN THAT THE TECHNOLOGY CONSISTS OF FIVE PRIMARY ELEMENTS. ~~Meanwhile~~ MOREOVER, THE wind turbines ARE able to be placed ...  
  
THE Wind turbine in the sea DOES not spoile~~d~~ it landscape.  
  
... when blades are ~~propeled to rotate~~ PROPELLED by STRENGTH OF THE wind. THE Wind sensor readS the speed and direction of THE wind. The Computer receiveS THAT infoRMATION from THE sensor to adjust~~s~~ THE blades with THE wind direction and angle. It makes generator produceS 1.5 megawatts OF THE electicity output.  
  
***Please, pay attention to VERB AGREEMENT***  
  
The wind turbines ~~which are~~(It should be reduced) placed on the hill ...  
More electricity can be generated (...), each of them produceS 1.5 megawatts. ~~Whereas~~ HOWEVER, THE domestic turbine IS only able to (...) output of THE electricity  
  
Trust me, you will show the positive progress if you wanna provide more time to practice more and more.  
Keep writing  
GOOD LUCK
These figures illustrate some equipment that used to create wind turbine and where it should be located. That machine consists of blades that make from fiberglass or wood, sensor, generator, steel tower, and computer. Overall, there are two kinds of turbine. The bigger one usually located at the sea and the hills which is have both maximum output and wind strength. The smaller one is placed in the resident area that have little output.  
  
The process is started when the wind twist the blades. At the same time, wind sensor will send a report to the computer that contains some data about speed and direction of the wind. As a consequence, electricity will be generated through generator.  
  
In addition, to produce an optimum result, there are three different types of the turbine locations. First, it placed in the sea. It has some advantages such as get tremendous wind power, produce maximum output until 1.5 megawatts, and also it does not disturb the landscape. Second, the turbine that installed on the top of hill has the same positive aspect with the previous, but while sea-turbine not spoil the landscape, hill turbine disturbs the natural views. The last is domestic turbine. Although it has smaller size than others and the output only 100 kilowatts, it can be installed around the inhabitants' houses.
Aloha Faiz, here are my thoughts  
  
(1) I still found some mistakes in using adjective clause  
- ...some ~~equipment that used to~~(equipment that is used to/ equipment used to) create wind...  
- ...the ~~hills which is have~~hills which have both maximum...  
- ...the ~~turbine that installed~~(turbine that is installed/turbine installed) on the top...  
- ...the resident ~~area that have~~(area that has/area having) little...  
  
(2) Although it has smaller size than others and the output only 100 kilowatts, it can be installed around the inhabitants' houses.(I suggest you to change your sentence for strong meaning)
Writing Task 2  
**The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationship of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead.  
  
To what extend do you agree or disagree?**  
  
In the present, technology has developed rapidly, people can find much information in several media, such as television programs, newspaper or the internet. Because of that, people can know local, international or anything news which they want to seen. Some people argue that, the media just should report about the activities of local people in the country. But in my view, I tend to agree about that, because other important to report by the media is activities of celebrities.  
  
People who argue that, the media should report about lives of common people. They have main reason for their opinion. Ordinary people news brings other people to pay attention for local problems such as crime, natural disasters, killing, theft and other problems. For example, the first is, if citizens do not know about crime which occurs in a city, they will not care full when visit a city. It is important to know for safe our life. The second is natural disasters like tsunami, flood, and earthquake, it is important because we will aware of problems other people and can help them to solve their problem, may be give money, food or cloth.  
  
On the other hand, to know the activities, problems or relationship of famous people also important. Because, it makes several people have motivation to follow their favorite actor and artist. For example, if people have favorite singer or player music, they will learn how to sing a song or instruments directly. Besides, for some people, the news becomes entertainments for them, and to know the development of fashion. So, it will not make citizens in a country have old-fashion and more know the global information.  
  
In conclusion, I think that media have to report of celebrities problems or activities by local people and, because it is equally important to increase our knowledge about global or local news which occurs in around or beyond our rich.
In the present, technology has developed rapidly  
  
1. Present but why you use perfect ? If you like to use perfect tense you must add time period. For example add for/since for something that happened in the past but it's connected to present (based on grammar ielts book)  
  
**Since the past time, technology has developed rapidly**  
  
which they want to ~~seen~~**see**  
  
2. To Infinitive ---> To + V1 ---> To see  
  
they will not ~~care full~~**careful** when visit a city.  
  
3. you make typo. careful not care full.  
  
4. it is important because we will aware of ~~problems other people~~**other people's problem**  
  
Well, actually i still confused about your idea Rezki, because it not arranged well. So, try to re-arranged it.
~~In the present,~~ technology has developed rapidly,  
do not need put time reference if you want to use present perfect, but it can be connected by using time reference 'since'  
  
... news which they want to ~~seen~~**see**.  
  
If you want to use 'one idea paragraph' you must add the effect/result of the example that you mention before.  
  
if citizens do not know about crime which occurs in a city, they will ...  
the formula is --> if + S + V (present simple), S + V (future simple)  
you add more conjunction 'when' + S + V  
  
to avoid the repetitive words, you can use for instance to replace for example.  
  
i hope it will be useful  
KEEP WRITING EKI!
Hi reski, I'm trying to make some corrections  
  
1. In the present, technology ~~has developed~~develops rapidly ...  
'In the present' is time signal for simple present tense, hence use simple present form after the time signal. developed ----> develops  
  
2. Because ~~of that~~ , people can know local ...  
Because of is preposition, after that you make simple sentence which contains S and V, so eliminate 'of that' and it will be conjuction  
  
3. ... because other important things to report by the media ...  
important is adjective, so it needs noun after adjective, thus I add 'things' for noun with plural form  
  
Thank you, break a leg for you.
Hello reski. let me give you some suggestions  
  
1. Because of that, people can know local, international or anything news which they want to seen.  
  
better you add preposition before "local"----> about local news  
don't forget add comma before conjunction "or"  
anything--> "any" is used for negative sentence so you can change ---> everything news  
seen--> Verb3. may better you use "see". because you used preposition "to"----> to see  
  
so, my suggestion:  
e.g: Because of that, people can know (about) local, international(,) or (everything) news which they want to see.  
  
2. For example, the first is, if citizens (...) they will not care full when visit a city.  
  
the first is---> i think there is missing subject. may be better you direct to mention "the first". without verb "is"  
  
care full---> may be you just miss spelling--> it should be "careful"  
when visit a city--->you can change "a city" --> "there". because you mentioned in previous sentence.  
  
e.g: For example, the first, if citizens do not know about crime which occurs in a city, they will not careful when visit there.  
  
i hope it will be useful. good luck.
**## Many children these days have unhealthy lifestyle.

  
Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?**  
  
At present, the way of children live become unhealthy. They tend to eat what they like or do want they want to do without considering the adverse effects. Some people believe that both academic institution and parents have responsibility to solve this problem. I tend to agree with this statement since most of children time is spent in school and home.  
  
Some unhealthy lifestye is refers to dietary or food consumption. Many children choose to eat junk food or unhygiene one. This is responsesibility of schools and parents. For instance, many kind of food that offer in school. In the rest time children will choose attarctive food, which is unhealthy. As the effect children have digestion problem or any diseases. It is one of school responsisbility since they have authority to prevent stall food from selling bad dishes. For parents, they have to pay attention to their children like give them box meal, so they do not need eat extraneous food at school.  
  
Unhealthy life style of children also include in developing sedentary and mundane activity. Nowadays, children have more chance to access computer or internet. Due to this case, they will have same and long activity all day. For instance, a game online or video game. Children usually addicted to this invention because it is so fun and challenging. It is good if they use it in normal time. But it will become dangerous since it is too much. Some illness will follow them. Such as, eyes problem as they have too much time in focus on screen and fewer sleep or sleepless due to fact that play is more enjoyable for them than study even sleep. So, for this time, parents have to control children leisure and their sleeping time.  
  
In conclusion, the way of children life is influenced by people around them especially the academic institution and parents. As the effect, both of them have to endeavor solve this problem since what children do now will give effects in their future.
Hi Ms. Nuraini. Here are my suggestions for you:  
  
I would concern about your grammatical structure first.  
  
... statement since most of the children time is spent ...  
  
Some unhealthy ~~lifestye~~lifestyle~~is~~~~refers~~refer to dietary or food consumption.  
... eat junk food or ~~unhygiene~~unhygienic one. This is ~~responsesibility~~the responsibility of schools and parents.  
... that offer in school *(then?)*.  
... children will choose ~~attarctive~~an interesting food, which is unhealthy. As the effect(,) children have digestion ...  
It is one of school ~~responsisbility~~responsibility since they have an authority to prevent ...  
... attention to their children like ~~give~~giving them box meal, so they do not need to eat extraneous food at school.  
  
Unhealthy ~~life style~~lifestyle of children also includes in developing sedentary ...  
... to access computer or the internet.  
  
Suggestions:  
1. you should pay an attention to your subject-verb agreement at least.  
2. try to make a complex sentence. For example: This is ~~responsesibility~~responsibility of schools and parents because they interact with the pupils every day. This will emphasize your statement in the passage.  
  
Goodluck!
Hi, the following are several inputs from me, hope you can follow it through:  
  
- At present, the way of children lives become unhealthy.  
- ... or do want they want ~~to do~~ without considering...  
- This is ~~responsesibility~~ of schools and parents. For instance, many kinds of food that offer in school. You may consider the alternate version of these sentences as follows:  
  
*"School and parents have a responsibility regarding this problem. Take a look at the food that students eat or buy at school*  
- In the ~~rest~~break time,(a comma is needed) children will choose ~~attarctive~~ food, that looks appealing , which is unhealthy for them .  
- ~~As the effect~~Consequently,(You can use some transition signals that indicates an effect such as "consequently, therefore, and thus".) children will get ~~have~~ digestion problem or any diseases easily .  
  
- It is one of school's~~responsisbility~~responsibilities~~since they have authority~~ to prevent stall food ...  
- ...so they do not need to eat or buy extraneous food at school.  
- ~~So~~Therefore, for this time, parents have to...  
- Some illness will follow them~~.~~ such as~~,~~ eyes problem as they....  
  
Hope this help! Good luck!
Hi nuraini,  
  
... both academic institutionS and parents have ...  
... since most of children time ~~is spent~~spend in school and home.  
  
Some unhealthy ~~lifestye~~lifestyle (spelling) is refers to ...  
This is ~~responsesibility~~responsibility(spelling) of schools and parents. For instance, many kind of foodS~~that offer~~which is offered in school. In the rest time children will choose ~~attarctive~~attractive (spelling) food, which is unhealthy. As the effect children ~~have~~get digestion problem or ~~any~~other diseases. It is one of school ~~responsisbility~~responsibilities(spelling) since they have ...  
  
... attention to their children like ~~give~~giving them ~~box meal~~lunch box , so they do not ...  
  
... use it in normaltime, but it will become dangerous ...  
  
- In the first paragraph i think you make a good answer, but in the second paragraph there was no coherence to the question. You need to understand the question so you will make a good response.  
  
- Be careful on the wrong spelling since you make a lot of mistakes in spelling the words.  
Hopefully it helps.
Hello nuraini, i will give you suggestion:  
  
1. Be care full singular and plural/ countable and uncountable noun using:  
2. Be care full conjunction using:  
  
... that both of academic institutions and ...  
  
Some unhealthy lifestye ~~is~~ are refer to ...  
  
many kind of foods that ...  
  
3. Be care full you spelling:  
~~lifestye~~ lifestyle
Topic: **Ensuring that children have regular physical exercise should be the responsibility of parents and therefore schools should not waste valuable school time having sports lessons as part of the curriculum. To what extent do you agree?**  
  
Physical exercise is the very important subject in the development of children. There some opinions and methods are given to improve and increase the physical health of kids. One of them is ensuring that children have regular physical exercise, and this should be the responsibility of parents and therefore schools should not waste valuable school time having sports lessons as part of the curriculum. I do not agree with this idea because parents are not physical education teachers, and children have to learn knowledge and physical skills together.  
  
Mother and father are people who spend their unconditional love for their children. They always support their children, give them good advice, and offer them valuable criticism about how to have a better life. Parents are the very important teachers for their children, but they cannot always be the best teacher. In order to let children develop their bodies in the best way, children need to follow directions from a real physical education teacher. Parents also can learn about physical exercises on YouTube, books, newspapers or televisions and then they can teach their kids what they learned, but sometimes they might teach wrong actions and this can lead to bad consequences in the development of their children.  
  
Courses of study in schools are taught with the purpose of helping students improve particular skills and increase essential knowledge. Scientists have shown that doing exercise and playing sports strengthens the body, reduces some kinds of sicknesses and learn a patience. Children who play sports every day will be more active and happier than children who play with computers and televisions. Moreover, it helps to improve children's abilities to focus on their studies, remember lessons longer and practice better in life. Therefore, it is a not wasted of time to let children study the physical exercise in schools. Kids need to develop both their minds and their bodies at the same time.  
  
In conclusion, the physical education in schools should need to be taught in schools. Children always need to learn the best directions and to have the best conditions and environments to grow up healthy.
Hello sydneynguyen! I will give you some opinions about your essay.  
  
Introduction:  
(1) Physical exercise is ~~the very~~**one of the** important subject in ~~the development of children~~**children developing**.  
(2) There **are** some opinions and methods **that** are given to improve ...  
(3) **However,** I do not agree with...  
  
Body 1:  
(4) Parents are the very important ...  
*Parents are one of the important teacher for children, but they cannot always be the best in every subject for them*  
(5) ... but sometimes they might teach wrong actions...  
*but sometimes they might teach a wrong physical movement and this can lead to bad consequences for children*  
  
Body 2:  
(6) Children who play sports (...) play with computers and televisions **instead**.  
  
Conclusion:  
... and to have the best conditions and environments to grow up healthy. **by playing some sports**
***The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationship of celebrities such as actors, singers, or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?***  
  
In the modern era, the celebrity's stories have become popular program that was shown in many media, like television, radio, YouTube, and many more. While, some people think that common citizen should be given more attention than others. In my view, both of them have not given beneficial efforts for audiences live, and Medias were better to expose inspiration program from influences people.  
  
First of all, live and relationship of celebrities has not given affirmatives effect. It just told about artist lifestyle, and most of them were glamour persons. It is just make viewer tend to follow sweet. Furthermore, not all of the viewers have enough money to do that. Then, relationship of famous people is not important owing to the fact that it is the personal problem which other people do not necessary to know.  
  
Similar to celebrities, exposing activity of common people has not given constructive effort for audience. Furthermore, correspondents will not get addition knowledge in as much as the common people no have extraordinary talent which is able to share and give motivation.  
  
In contrast, many influence people stories, like researcher, president, and moreover, were that should be shown by media. In fact, it will give inspiration for all viewers. For example, the scientist who has conducted much research has changed this world by this invention. This story will make the watchers currently pupils to have more spirit to achieve their dreams.  
  
To sum up, both of celebrities and ordinary people not really necessary to be shown on screen. While, the great people will give advantages for viewers.
**Hi Miss Pramudia.  
These are my thoughts towards your essay. Please, meet my notes and review those.**  
  
... celebrity's stories have become A popular program ~~that was~~(You should reduce this) shown ~~in~~ ON many mediaS, like a television, radio, YouTube (This is not equal with television. perhaps, you should write THE INTERNET), and ~~many more~~ GO ON. MEANWhile (You are supposed to distinguish between linking word and conjunction) , some people think that common citizenS should be given ...  
  
In my POINT OF view, both of them have not ...  
  
First of all, THE live and relationship of ...  
It just ~~told~~ TELLS about artist'S lifestyle, and most of ...  
It ~~is~~ just make viewer tend ...  
Then, THE relationship of famous (...) other people do not ~~necessary~~ NEED to know.  
*(Honestly, you have avoided the prompts given in this statement. In this case, you should focus on ordinary people. There are micro keywords showing the edge of explanation. Besides that, you have not elucidated systematically. You demonstrated your opinion, but you display supporting sentences like an example. If you commit that again, it will seem like layman's opinion.)*  
  
~~Similar to celebrities,~~ ON ONE HAND (you should harness proper transitive words ), exposing activity of (...) constructive effort for THE audience.  
(please, you explain your view systematically. It is not important if you only list your idea.)  
  
In contrast, many influence people stories, like researcher, president, and moreover,.....................  
*(Actually, I am confused because you tended to offer new explanation in this essay whereas you did not review the prompts relatively. pay attention to task achievement given in the question. If you cannot answer them, your score can fall down to 5)*  
  
***Note:  
1. "While" is the conjunction. It is used to merge two sentences. You should write "MEANWHILE" if you wanna use as the linking word.  
  
2. Keep in your mind that each good paragraph has at least 3 sentences.***  
  
I really believe you can improve your skill if you wanna provide more time to practice again and again.  
Keep spirit  
GOOD LUCK