dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hello, Zona. Looking at the essay, there are a lot of grammatical errors that need to be fixed. You could use a helpful tool called Grammarly that will help you correct them. I'm going to point out a couple of them. The english spoken is start at afternoon could be corrected and written as the english speaking club started in the afternoon. We learned al ot english spoken skills could also be written as we learnt a lot of english speaking skills. I hope that helps.
Zona, I can understand this is your first post in this forum. Welcome to EssayForum! We will do our best to offer the best advice and assistance the will improve your writing skills in the long run. However, you have a huge role to play in that whenever you create a thread for your essay, you must post the prompt (that is the topic questions) of the essay alongside your draft. By doing that, you will have availed to us the basis upon which your write-up would be evaluated. Right now, it is hard to describe your current post. It is too short to be an essay and it is not a poem either. Kindly post the prompt immediately so that I can offer a befitting advice to you with respect to the requirements of the essay. Be rest assured that you will be properly guided within the remit of the free advice for this thread. You still have one more chance to receive my free advice herein. I will give further assistance to you on this thread as soon as you post the prompt.
Hi @Zona  
What is the problem or the topic of this essay? What is it for?  
If you want to talk about the first day of your English club, then I agree that this is too short. Try to read similar articles on the Internet then try to get the naturalness of the English, and then you can relate the idea in your writing. Indeed your writing needs more grammar check as it is quite confusing.  
  
though they are far from ~~enough~~ good, ~~Expert that~~ (I don't understand this part), they also ~~teached~~ teach us some quotes by famous people, **such as"East or** (give a space before quotation mark) west, home is the best".
Thank you for helping me!  
  
**Some people think that environmental problems should be solved on a global scale while others believe it is better to deal with them nationally.  
Discuss both sides and give your opinion.**  
  
## authorities need to take action

  
  
Nowadays, environment has become one of the most serious problems that humans have to deal with. However, there are many opinions about who would be responsible for this. Some people hold the idea that environment-related problems should be handled on a global scale while others suppose it is better if each nation is in charge of it.  
  
To begin with, there are some certain reasons for people to give hand in protecting the environment. Firstly, this is the problem of mankind. We all lives on Earth and breathes the same atmosphere. Therefore, anything that could possibly do harm to the common living environment is worth thorough consideration. Secondly, the majority definitely can create much more stronger effects on environmental protection. In fact, campaigns that are held in global scale such as protection of wild animals have created many efficient waves and helped modify people's behaviours to wild creatures.  
  
On the other hand, handling with environmental issues nationally does have its own power. One of the key advantages here is efficiency. Authorities of a nation could control the environmental prevention status effectively by laws. For instance, Vietnamese government has passed the Law on forest protection and development in 2014 to deal with the accumulation of deforestation in recent years. Besides, it can be easily seen from the fact that each country has different environmental issues, so it would be more reasonable to tackle them separately. Nowadays, some countries such as China and India suffer from severe pollution while others in Africa have to deal with animal extinction, and it is obvious that each problem needs particular solutions.  
  
From my point of view, the action of authorities in each country is a more important element in environmental protection. Although raising the conception in people all over the world is necessary, people are unlikely to take real actions without their government's enforcement policies.
I think you can review these highlights. Hope it helps.  
  
To begin with, there are some ~~certain~~ reasons for people ...  
... problem of mankind as we all live~~s~~ on Earth and breathe~~s~~ the same atmosphere.  
... environment is worth having thorough consideration.  
... protection of wild animals ~~have created many efficient ...~~.have proved to have great effect on raising people's awareness of the significance of protecting those animals and their natural habitat.  
  
On the other hand, ~~handling with environmental issues ...~~ the issue of environmental problems should also be tackled by the government of each country.  
Besides, ~~it can be easily seen from the fact that~~ each country has ~~different~~ its own distint environmental issues, so ~~would be more reasonable to tackle them separately~~ the solution for them cannot be the same. Take China and Sout Africa for example, one suffers from serious pollution while the other have to deal with illegal wildlife trade, so they should carry on with different measures to tackle their problems.
Vi, the instructions were for you to discuss both sides and give your opinion. Therefore, the opening statement you created should have included a reference to a discussion of your opinion, without actually giving an opinion yet. While you provided an acceptable discussion of both sides in your essay. The fact that you used your personal opinion as the closing statement of this essay lessened the possible score for your essay. I do not know if you were told this but, a concluding statement can never be in the form of a personal opinion. That is because the concluding statement is used to offer a reminder of the discussion provided only. It is not meant to increase the information regarding a discussion. As such, the task accuracy score of your essay was immediately and direly affected to the point where your possible score cannot be higher than a 5,
the society is based on rules and laws. the society would not function well if individuals were free to do whatever they want. to what extent do you agree or disagree?  
  
## Society without Laws

  
  
Laws refer to the rules imposed on people. Although legislation is important to regulate people's behaviors, l believe that it can restrict people's freedom.  
  
If some society members obey the laws, then it can help society avoid some violence and develop economy. For example, if people do not obey the traffic rules, the accidents will increase, also the traffic jam will become a problem. If people who sell fake products cannot punished by the laws, then consumer not dare to buy products and also have a bad influence on economy.  
  
People can live in a peaceful and closely-knit society to enjoy their lives. However, sometimes they may motivated by self-interest and do things which can hurt others. If they obey the laws and social rules, then they will respect others, which can lead a peaceful life. For instance, people will disturb others' working when talking through the mobile phones.  
  
However, sometimes laws will inevitably restrain people's freedom and even hamper the development of society. For example, if a country pose many restrains on business, the business activity will be less active. If the high income earners subject to higher income taxes, they don't have motivations to make great efforts to improve their income. Government should relax regulations and encourage innovations, which is beneficial to society.  
  
It is reasonable to conclude that society cannot run effectively without laws. Although laws cannot allow people to act at will, the main purpose of laws is to create a peaceful society.
Michele, you misunderstood the prompt requirement. You were being asked to agree or disagree to a certain extent with the statement being provided. What you ended up discussing instead, was the purpose of law. The opening paragraph should have contained an appropriate paraphrasing of the prompt topic, as well as your position on the discussion reflecting either an extent of agreement or disagreement with the topic. Since you failed to paraphrase the prompt accurately, you automatically failed the task accuracy portion of the essay. It is this misunderstanding that led you to ultimately, discuss the wrong stance on the topic as well. This resulted in a score of 3, indicating a lack of comprehension of the topic instructions on your part.
***Hi Michele,**  
I have read your writing closely and found some you have to improve. Please, meet my notes and deal with them.  
Unfortunately, you will be penalized because you did not meet the important requirement in the writing task 2. In this essay, you are supposed to write at least 250 words and you failed. Pay attention to this circumstance because that can reduce your score in an actual test. For your contents, you have missed the essential element. Reviewers could not find your position about that issue. There is nothing for thesis statement although that is paramount to answer prompts of the question. Honestly, you could not obtain a high score in this essay.  
  
Turning to your body paragraph, your flow is not good enough. Its reason is because your example did not relate to your view, even can confuse readers. Honestly, what you reviewed is different with what the question asked. Please, you keep your relating topic to answer the question well.  
  
Hopefully, those can hep to finalize this essay  
GOOD LUCK*
Convenience foods will become increasingly prevalent and eventually replace traditional foods and traditional methods of food preparation.  
  
## Celebrating Food

  
  
Fast food these day become life stayle around citizent especially who live in urban area and change habitual inhabitans to eat. It is also might take place traditional food on heart the consumer who prefer to allow this life stayle. To be frankly honest, I totaly disagree with this motion due to several reasons.  
  
Fast food restaurant nowadays is sparse almost every sides in the city. This is because it affordable for every one to buy and also simple to eat anywhere anytime that consumer want it. This hapen caused of fast food restaurant have their own way to attrack buyers to buy it in one pack, such as in french chicken resaturant in which sell chicken, rice, drink, and desert in low price. Therefore, it as draw for consumer particulary who have limit savings money but want to eat delicious food. Moreover, fast food also easy to bring and to consume hence, employees tend to choose this one as their lunch owing to limited time to rest.  
  
In spite of that, slowly but sure traditional foods take them place again as popular cuisine in the midle of citizent. It is because some of people believe that fast food has higher risk as source disease such as cancer. Therefore, people who realise that prefer to consume traditional food than fast food. Besiedes, special cuisine to celebrate event such as Id Mubarak will not replaced by fast food restaurant due to, this as culture to eat that will be continuous as identical food to celebrate Id Mubarak.  
  
As matter of fact, attandence of fast food restaurant can cause people easier particullary worker who have deadline for lunch and limit money. Yet, it might drive disease and also can not replace memoriable food to celebrate special event.
Nisa, there are a large number of problems related to this particular essay. It has both good and bad points, positive and negative aspects. Therefore, I will not judge this essay on the overall merit of the essay but rather, in the scoring criteria. That way you will get a clearer idea as to which aspects of the essay you have to improve with your next tests.  
  
Task Accuracy - 5 - You managed to properly address the prompt requirements in the first paragraph. While the grammar is problematic, it still allowed you to properly introduce the topic for discussion and your disagreement with it. This is the highest possible score for this part.  
  
Coherence & Cohesiveness - 6 - while the information can be understood with some difficulty and the ideas are coherent, your use of cohesive devices proves to be problematic due to grammar issues in the essay. The sentences you wrote can definitely be considered to be faulty so your referencing is not always clear to the reader.  
  
Lexical Resource - 4 - The vocabulary used is often faulty in spelling. The incorrect spelling often causes problems for the reader in terms of trying to understand what you are trying to say. If you were just careless this time around, make sure to take care and try to spell properly in your next practice test.  
  
Grammar Range & Accuracy - 4 - There is a clear lack of ability to properly form even the simplest of English sentences. Improper sentence formation and grammar inaccuracies cover at least 50 percent of the paper which affects the presentation, punctuation, and comprehensibility of the overall essay.  
  
The scores above are the ratings that I believe your score could get as the highest possible marks had this been an actual IELTS Task 2 test.
## Smartphones

  
  
Every morning Ahmed turns on his smartphone before he even gets out of bed.First he checks his email.Then, he texts his friends to find out what they are doing.He carries his smartphone with him wherever he goes.Do you think are they a lot of people do what Ahmed does ?  
  
Smartphone has gained considerable popularity in the world.But before you to know why,you have to know "what does Smartphone mean ?".  
The smartphone is a mobile phone, built on a mobile operating system, with more advanced computing.  
  
Smartphone is very popular for many reasons.One reason is people are social,so they want to be connected to their friends and family by Smartphone.Another reason is smartphone has a lot of features.For example:you can read newspaper or e-book,watch TV,and play games.The third reason is the smartphone can personalize you.You can choose the color your phone's cover and its ring tone.  
  
Who use smartphone ? Smartphones first became popular with businesspeople,soon smartphones became with adults then with teenagers.  
  
So do you understand why Ahmed use it everyday and wherever he goes ? I think the answer is yes.And my advice for you is :"buy smartphone for you now".
Raghad, I am not sure what the point of your essay is. The anecdote that you shared does not help to explain the point of the essay that you are writing. While your title is "Why Do We Use Smartphone?" There is no accurate representation of why people have to do the activities that you mentioned on the phone when they can do it on their laptop or PC as well. Your paragraphs are not developed enough to represent and actual explanation of the importance of using smartphones. Your line of reasoning must have been better defended using personal experience, opinions, or other explanatory / exemplification discussions. The reason your essay is weak is because it does not have a properly developed thesis statement representing it. The anecdote doesn't really stress the point of discussion and your actual discussions lack focus and deeper meaning in terms of delivering the supposed message of the essay. When you ask "Who use smartphone?" The next question should have been, "Why do they use a smartphone?" Since that is your given essay title, it should have been represented in the discussion paragraphs.
**Some parents forbid young children from owning smartphones (cell phones with Internet access), while others disagree and believe that they are important tools for keeping in touch. Which point of view do you think is better, and why?**  
  
Nowadays, smart phones are very common among the young children. Still many parents believe that smart phones are not doing any good to their children and don't allow them to use. I believe the every aspect of society should be benefited by the technological advancement we have in this century. So, the children should be allowed to have smart phones along with maintaining some restrictions.  
  
The major problem faced by the parents for allowing the young children to use smart phones is addiction towards such devices. These days young children are often seen looking at the smart phone's screen rather than enjoying the life with other activities. Due to this there may be possibility of less focus on studies and they tend to get lost in the internet world. For example: One of friends' brother used to have good grades in school. But later he became so addicted to social networking sites that he failed in high school. That was all because of improper and unmanaged use of internet. Even if we take a look at the famous person, Steve Jobs, who invented the phones with internet (iPhones), it didn't allow his children to use such devices. It may be inferred that he feared similar incidents would come up.  
  
On the other hand, smart phones are basic essential thing required for proper functioning of this world. It makes every easy to communicate with people and keep in touch with each other. For example: When parents are out for dinner or gone to visit relatives, with a simple click of a button they can communicate with their young children at home and get to know about the situations.  
  
To conclude, despite being important tools in human life, there are some disadvantages of smart phones that should be taken care of before allowing children to use them. I believe young children should be allowed to use such devices with proper restrictions and parental guidance. Parents should monitor the internet usage pattern of child, give suggestions and also inform them about the misuse of internet.
Rajeeb, you cannot discuss this essay by staying in the middle or taking the "up to a certain degree" point of view because the essay clearly asks you to pick a side and defend it. Due to your lack of choosing a side to discuss and support, you changed the whole message of the essay and misdirected the discussion of the prompt requirements. These errors show that you did not understand the instructions you were given and thus, resulted in a score of 2. The main reason, is that you did not properly discuss the point of the essay which is that children having a cellphone is important because it allows them to stay in touch. Instead, you chose to discuss "children should be allowed to have smart phones along with maintaining some restrictions.", which is nowhere near the prompt discussion requirements. If you had removed the "maintaining some restrictions" part, then the essay might have been more prompt responsive.
## Descriptive Essay - Living on a Farm

  
  
last year we went on a picnic to a farm. it was marvelous to leave the grey building of a city behind and see animals grazing in the lovely green fields. seeing animals in a field is a real novelty to many city children. The only animals we usually seen are pet such as cats and dogs.  
  
When we arrived at farm we welcomed by the farmer's wife. Who took us all into the huge farm kitchen and gave us some delicious scones which she had just baked. The honey which we had with scones had been taken from their own beehives.  
  
We watched the farmer's wife feeding the hen's in the farmyard by throwing hand full of grains at them. They rushed to get the food, clucking loudly. we went to watch the farmer but the farmer went up the hill behind the farm to take some of sheep to a field nearer the farm. they were going to be sheared next day. We watched his two sheepdogs round the sheep. They were cleverand soon had sheep down in the field.  
  
All too soon it was time to go home again. We all had a really marvelous day at farm. I wished to live on a farm
Ayreen, when you write a descriptive essay, the first thing you have to learn to do is accurately describe your surroundings. Tell the reader more about the way that the farm looked when you arrived. Take the reader into the place with you. Make your descriptions more vivid by engaging the five senses of the reader. For example you could have described the farm as:  
  
*I knew we were nearing the farm because the smell of the air was changing from the polluted, smog filled air of the city to the dewy, fresh scent that the morning dew on the roadside grass offered those who, like us, traveled with open windows in the car. The sound of clucking chickens and cows mooing seemed to get closer as we moved deeper into the tree lined rough road.*  
  
You also need to double check your grammar and sentence development. Note that you wrote most of this essay in lower case letters even after a period. The first letter of a word after a period is always capitalized to indicate a new sentence.
**Do you agree or disagree?  
Telling the truth is the most important consideration in any relationship**  
  
## Relationship's pilar

  
  
There are many considerations and pillars in building any relationship. Depending on their opinions, people have different visions on which consideration is the number one on the list. For me, Absolutely, I am for telling the truth, which is most needed and the top pillar in any relationship.  
  
For me, telling the truth is considered as the most necessary pillar in all of my life.  
Here, if my truthful friend did a mistake and he admitted it, I have to forgive him on any way. No doubt that such situations between friends or couples strengthen their relationship and make it last for the whole life. In Addition, being truthful creates and boosts the self confidence and bravery. For example, I have seen many cases whereby I avoid lying on others, that I feel more confidence, and I have nothing to worry about, because I am on the right way. Unlike the liar who is always freaking out and his face becomes yellow while he is talking.  
  
On the other side, Hiding the truth is the destroyer of any relationship. When I want to build a new friendship, the question comes first is: ''is this person really honest and truthful? So that I can trust him''. If he seems to be dishonest then how would I rely on him later on?. that he might be lying on me all the time.  
  
Also, our relationship is going to meet an end whether I disclose his lies earlier or later. Because his hidden real personality is going to betrayed. Moreover, He is going to be ignored by other, since he has no reliability. No one want to have a fake friend who just pretends to be a friend.
Cheniki, this TOEFL essay that you wrote will not score higher than a 2 due to a number of reasons. The first reason, has to do with your grammatical inability to write proper English sentences. While the improper sentence development may be overlooked by the examiner, as he allows a leeway for the non-English speakers, he cannot overlook the fact that there are numerous written grammar rule violations in your essay dealing with capitalization, paragraph formatting, and punctuation mistakes, among other mistakes. There is also the problem of redundancy in your essay as you describe "truth" as being the pillar of a friendship twice in succeeding paragraphs. Redundancies cause problems for the examiner because these mistakes show either a lack of carefulness on the part of the writer or an inability to write in English. While the essay that you wrote has a good message, the problems in presentation and sentence structure pose real problems for your exam scoring.
For me, I CONSIDER HONESTY ESSENTIAL IN ALL ASPECTS OF LIFE, AND TELLING THE TRUTH FORMS A LARGE PART OF BEING HONEST WITH ONE ANOTHER.  
  
FOR EXAMPLE, if A friend UNINTENTIONALLY MADE a mistake and admitted it, I WOULD BE INCLINED TO forgive HIM/HER. THE SAME CANNOT BE SAID OF SOMEBODY WHO DELIBERATELY LIED TO ME.......  
  
"[F]reaking out and his face becomes yellow while he is talking." <----- I would avoid this type of sentence. It looks over emotional and the type of thing you might say to a friend, not write on an exam paper.  
  
I hope this helps!  
  
Спасибо,  
  
Chris