dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***The pie charts illustrate the percentage of nutrients combined by Americans that could be unhealthy if they ate too much***  
## Summarise information from the charts

  
  
Overall, looking at the graph, it is immediately obvious that the amount of sodium and saturated fat was predominantly consumed at dinner which was eaten in snacks  
  
In the first graph, the figure for sodium was the highest consumption for dinner is 43% and then breakfast and snacks had the same number that is 14%. Besides, lunch where has 29% of sodium. In the next graph, 37% of fat was used in dinner while this number was only 21% and 16% respectively, snacks and breakfast. There 26% of fat was seen in lunch  
  
In the third graph, the amount of sugar was mostly used in snacks, whereas in breakfast, it had 16%. In addition, the figure for sugar which was used in lunch had 19% and 25% for dinner  
  
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*Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where r*
The essay falls one word short of the 150 word requirement. As such, it will receive automatic deductions for being short of the presentation requirement and what is obviously a problematic analytical report. The writer was just too careless while writing this report. The evidence of which can be found in how he started the opening paragraph with a lower case word. The basic rule is that the first word of every sentence, regardless of paragraph number or position, should always be capitalized. Add to that the lack of proper punctuation mark usage and it becomes clear that the writer just did not care to double check his presentation just in case. The way this essay is structured, it appears that the writer does not care if he passes or fails the test.  
  
The summary overview was incomplete and not even inclusive of the correct highlightable information. The trending statement asks the reader to look at the graph, when the indication for this task is to present the information in an imaginative manner since the reader does not have a copy of the report or image on hand.  
  
I have pointed out only a few of the errors in this essay that will definitely prevent it from receiving a passing score. A comprehensive review of the mistakes in this presentation will simply be too long at this point. However, I have pointed out the most important aspects for improvement that, when corrected will show an immediate positive writing atyle change for the student.
## school site diagrams

  
  
The stride of an unknown school site from 2004 to 2024 is illustrated in the two maps given.  
Overall, there will be some amelioration taking place in the school site over twenty years with the most significant change in the number of students.  
  
In greater detail, there will be 1,000 students studying in the school whereabouts, which will be 400 students greater than it was in 2004. In terms of the west, the road, the driveway and the main entrance will be retained their functions and positions. In addition, a path will be constructed so that School Building 1 and 2 can be linked at the expense of dwindling the length of a path which used to be connected with the main entrance.  
  
As far as the others are concerned, sundry plants will be chopped down to make room for another car park adjacent to the newly-set-up School Buiding 3 in the east of the location which will be engaged with a newly-built road. Finally, the sport field will be narrowed and re-positioned at the side of Car Park 2.  
  
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Do not focus on word usage alone. There are several instances in this presentation when the word choice is incorrect or inapplicable to the sentence. These errors create problems since the paragraph becomes incoherent to the reader. I understand that the writer is trying to get a good LR score, but when the word meaning does not fit the representation, this attempt will only succeed in leading to a failing score in that section.  
  
The writer has not provided a clear summary overview and the discussions are also lost in terms of coherent and cohesive representation. Information that is necessary, such as the year representations, proper paragraph comparisons, and individual paragraph explanations are not well threshed out in this essay. As such, the writer created an under developed reporting analysis. I believe this error was caused by his lack of outlining and drafting his presentation. The writer just wrote on the fly and hoped that it would result in a passing score, which it will not.
## world forest - the pie charts

  
  
The given pie charts compare the proportion of forest in five different continents as well as the production of timber in each region.  
Overall, the forests in Africa accounted for the largest proportion of the world's forest while the smallest forest coverage is found in Asia. Additionally, timber produced in North America holds the greatest share of the world's timber whereas the opposite is true for Africa.  
  
In terms of forests, North America and Africa take up the vast majority of forests in the world, at 25% and 27% respectively. The percentage of forest that South America, Europe, and Asia make up is almost the same, at 16%, 18%, and 14% respectively.  
  
According to the second pie chart, around 30% of the world's timber output comes from North America. Despite having the largest proportion of forest, Africa constitutes a negligible amount of timber, at only 9%. Meanwhile, timber in South America, Asia, and Europe comprise 23%, 18%, and 20% of the world's timber.  
  
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Always remember that the number of images provided helps to add to the accuracy of the short form information presentation. That means, do not just identify these as pie charts, indicate 2 pie charts. Then use a different sentence to identify the information being provided per chart. That way the reader will know how to divide the information based upon the summarized information. Additionally, oen should never use a single sentence for the summary overview. While this may be presented within 2 sentences, it would be better to blend that into the trending discussion, rather than presenting the trend as a stand alone presentation. The summary overview needs to be at 5 sentences long maximum anyway. Maximize the TA scoring potential for the first paragraph at all times by using the correct presentation format.  
  
The essay could have been better analyzed if the writer opted to write at least 3 sentences, as required, for each analytical paragraph. Since this is 2 image presentation, the discussion could have even been extended to a 200 word count composed of a 4 paragraph presentation. The current presentation is not going to be considered fully developed, analyzed, or explained. It is not going to get a good C+C score in the end because of this.
## the policy of taxing private car owners

  
  
In order to deal with the current dense volume of traffic, the Vietnamese government suggests a policy in which private car owners should be charged a high fee to improve public transportation. This policy would lead to certain benefits such as reducing traffic density and improving air quality but there are also drawbacks such as causing inconveniences due to the unavailability of public transportation.  
  
On the one hand, the policy would help reduce traffic density and improve air quality. This is because when people are charged a high fee every time they use their cars, they only use them when it is necessary or when they are in emergencies, which would cut down on the number of cars at one time, particularly during rush hours, and ease the traffic density. Additionally, some would choose public transportation for remote purposes instead to avoid paying the tax. This, thus, ends up lower the amount of CO2 emitted into the environment and boosts the overall air quality of the country.  
  
On the other hand, the policy may cause several certain inconveniences due to the unavailability of public transportation. Many areas in Vietnam do not have access to public transportation. Therefore, some can be placed in a situation where they do not have any choice but to use their private cars. For example, one lives in a small town that doesn't have any bus stop or train stations. He/she has to use his/her private car to go to work and pay a heavy tax for using car. However, he/she doesn't have a chance to use public transportation and save money spent on the tax like others, which is quite unfair for him/her.  
  
In conclusion, the policy of taxing private car owners to improve public transportation can help alleviate the volume of traffic and air pollution in Vietnam. Nonetheless, this also leads to some inconveniences because of the unavailability of public transportation. To enhance the efficiency of the policy, the government should widen the public transportation system first to make sure everyone can access them.
The writer will do well to remember that a task 2 essay scores the accuracy of the information provided when compared to the original topic presentation. The first discussion version uses a general government reference. Therefore, the writer should not have represented this as a Vietnamese government proposal in the interpretation. This creates a prompt inaccuracy since the topic basis has been altered from the original reference. This is an error that will cause deductions in the TA section in relation to prompt restatement considerations. However, the appropriateness of the comparative response will somewhat offset that deduction. It is a very strong writer's general opinion with thesis statement declaration.  
  
When writing in the English language, there is no need to use both genders in the presentation. The default gender for English writing is always in the male form. Therefore simply stating "he" and its variations thereof will be sufficient enough to get a good GRA score. The current format being used is confusing as it tries to refer to both genders, creating a confusion in the reference presentation.  
  
The reasons presented are sound but lacking in convincing power due to the lack of proper example in reference to the discussion. An example needs to be clearly referenced as a final result of the suggested discussion. Without it, the solid foundation of the explanation does not really exist.  
  
As for the concluding summary, it will also receive lower TA points due to the same reasons previously stated. The focus of the discussion is a general government, not Vietnam. It should always be reflected as such.  
  
While there are a few problems in the presentation, I believe that the other scoring considerations could help this essay achieve a passing TA score but not higher than a low passing mark due to the observed problems with the presentation. This is a good start. The writer shows that he at least has sufficient English comprehension skills and at least an intermediate grasp of the word usage.
## money handling BY ADOLESCENS

  
  
There exist conflicting opinions about educating children about money handling in family. Some hold the view that kids are not mature enough to completely realize money's importance while others believe it is still of the essence for them to be equipped with money management skills in the formative years. From my perspective, I agree with the latter as long as suitable steps are taken.  
  
To begin with, it is integral for children to learn to use money wisely. First off, there is no doubt that habits nurtured from an early age will accompany children for the remaining of their lives. Since formative years are the stage of life when kids obtain knowledge quickly and undergo cognitive development, it is apparent that children are more inquisitive and eager to explore new things. Therefore, when given parental guidance on using money, they tend to follow and remember better, which forms proper money management habits in the long run. Additionally, gaining financial understanding in childhood contributes to nourishing various vital qualities in children. This can be explained by the fact that should they be exposed to money, they can apprehend such hard work required to make that money. As a result, the chances are that they adopt gratitude towards their parents and become smart spendors in the future.  
  
However, as mentioned, educating children about managing money bears fruit provided the methods are used properly. Parents should focus on teaching their offspring about the value of money by rewarding them with a small amount of money for their finished tasks. Conversely, such ways like making them tight with money should be avoided since they can turn children into miserly and materialistic ones.  
  
In conclusion, for the aforementioned arguments, it is essential for parents to equip their offspring with money management skills but with proper methods.
The essay is definitely strong on the reasoning side. The writer fully explains his theory regarding teaching children about money management. The discussion is lacking development though since it does not provide any evidence to prove the theories and ideas of the writer. A review of the writing task will show that the writer is being asked to present examples to help illustrate his reasoning. So the essay is only half developed at this point. It cannot be given full C+C scores because of the lack of supporting discussion for the point of view provided.  
  
The conclusion is faulty as well since it neither presents 40 words representative of a summary conclusion. There should be at least 2 or 3 sentences that repeat the topic, the writer's opinion, and his supporting statement. While it may receive good LR and GRA marks, the missing elements as described above will prevent it from getting a passing score or gaining a grade higher than the lowest possible passing score.
Topic:  
  
***Some people think it is more important for government to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment of people who are already ill**.*  
  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
Essay:  
  
It is indisputable that health problems are one of the biggest concerns of the World Health Organization. While people argue that the local and national authorities should exceed investment in promoting a healthy lifestyle to detect diseases rather than the treatment of people who are suffering from illness.  
  
On the one hand, allocating money for encouraging a healthy lifestyle is a worldwide initiative for some reasons. There is an increased propensity for people to be caught up in the pressure of work and study as a result of neglecting their health. Due to their hectic schedule, they tend to hunch over the screen, coupled with keeping the same sitting posture which is the optimal cause of many life-threatening conditions such as obesity and eye-related diseases,...Therefore, it is extremely pivotal for government to invest money in opening more affordable leisure and sports centres, encouraging people through health awareness campaigns which could raise the general level of public health.  
  
On the other hand, despite the above mentioned ideas, I believe that the local authorities should prioritize expenditure on patient treatment. An unhealthy lifestyle is not only the rationale for becoming under the weather, the contaminated drinking water or poor sanitation is also detrimental to health. Moreover, failure to subsidize medicines or to invest in hospitals would certainly lead to many deaths which could have been avoided by timely treatment. Hospitals, for instance, serve a crucial function not only in surgery but also conducting vital research into the treatment of many serious diseases, such as cancer or virus corona.  
  
In conclusion, while promoting healthy living is important, treatment must have priority in health service spending.
The examiner will read the discussion instruction and read the provided essay. He will immediately discover that the writer has not followed the writing guideliness for the essay once he compares the opening paragraph with the original prompt. There is no reference to the WHO in the original so there was no need to use that as the basis of the restatement. He also did not provide the correct measured response as indicated by the writing instructions. These errors created an overall mistake in the original prompt representation. The fact that the required response format was not followed either, means the writer approached this essay with an overall prompt deviation. As such, the accuracy score of this essay will immediately be a failing score. The actual number of the score is unimportant at this point. All the writer needs to know is that the essay will not get a passing grade at the end of the assessment process. All because he proved that he cannot understand English instructions and he does not know how to follow writing instructions provided in English.
## university sports centre - present and future

  
  
Task 1:  
The advance of an unknown university sports centre from the contemporary time to the future is illustrated in the two maps given.  
Overall, there will be several practical renovations taking place in the sports centre according to the plan with the most significant change which is being made in the area surrounding the present indoor zone of the centre.  
  
In greater detail, the area of the sports centre will be enlarged at the expense of eliminating two outdoor courts. Beside, the fitness centre which is arranged in the north of the 25-metre pool will be levelled up in terms of magnitude. A new sports hall will be opened up adjacent to the seating area.  
  
Regarding the others, a new sports hall will be opened up adjacent to the seating area. The two prospective dance studios will be introduced in the northeast corner of the centre. A new pool whose use is for recreation will be construced to the west. Moreover, the number of changing rooms will increase as the two other ones will be constructed in the corner of the centre. Finally, a new cafe will be added at the side of the southeast changing room, whereas a sports store will be opened up next to the southwest counterpart.  
  
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**ONE TASK AT A TIME.**  
  
The summary overview and trending statement is not very well developed. It has resulted in a confusing short information presentation that does not help the reader understand the information provided in the unseen image. It is a confusing paragraph that will not receive a passing GRA score based on the inability of the summary to clearly help the reader understand the specifics of the image.  
  
What type of image was presented? Was it an illustrative map? There are several types of maps. Could it have been an illustrative drawing rather than a map? What years are covered or being compared? Can the writer write in a more clarified manner that goes beyond compressed and long sentences? These questions represent the reasons why the essay is problematic and why it may not receive a passing score. The writer needs to develop his C+C skills in relation to GRA scoring. Otherwise, his ends up with these less than understandable reporting presentations.  
  
For this essay, a 4 paragraph presentation should have been used that properly explained the old layout, what changes are planned, and how these changes will affect the overall set up of the location in the future. So it should have:  
  
Par. 1: Summary + Trend  
Par. 2: Original description  
Par. 3: New description  
Par. 4: Analysis of how the overall changes affects the layout (Is it better? If so, why? Is it worse? Why?)
## electricity from different fuel sources

  
  
The pie charts delineate the figures for electricity production from fuel sources in Australia and France, between 1980 and 2000.  
  
In short, coal took the lead for the electricity product in Australia while nuclear power was the main source in France. The amount of electricity by different fuel sources was not similar in both countries.  
  
According to the given pie charts, in Australia, the total electricity production was only 100 units; however, it doubled in the year 2000.There were 50 units and 20 units of electricity produced by coal and hydro power, respectively in 1980. Besides, the oil contributed to only 10 units of electricity. Then, the year 2000 witnessed a considerable increase in the usage of coal which accounted for 130 out of 170 units.  
  
Furthermore, it was shown that electricity production in France was apparent. At the beginning of the period, the dependency on coal denoted as 25 units, followed by a sharp decrease in 2000. In contrast, nuclear power became the primary source, holding 126 units.  
  
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*Australia*
The essay is not fully analyzed, discussed, and presented in this reporting essay. The writer has not focused on the proper division of image information in his presentation paragraphs which causes undue confusion for the reader. Since the 3 pairs of images are no properly identified in the summary presentation nor the discussion body, there is no way that the reader will be able to smoothly follow the analysis presented. There is a clear lack of coherence and cohesiveness in the presentations as the image titles are needed as a part of the paragraphs in order to provide clarity in terms of information representation. It is suffice to say that the images were not properly compared and contrasted in this essay and will receive a less than stellar score.
## nitrogen oxide emission

  
  
The given line chart provided comparison of the amount of nitrogen oxide released by diesel car, petrol car, lorries and buses. From an overall perspective, it is evident that buses and lorries are more pollutant than two remained cars. While diesel car and petrol car dispose the same amount of emission as the speed increase, the figure for buses and lorries fluctuate mildly.  
  
At the slowest level of pace, buses account for the highest amount of nitrogen oxide gas produced, at precisely 40 gam per kilometer. By contrast, lorries release nearly 33 gam per kilometer, which is slightly lower than buses but still much higher than other vehicles. The figure for diesel car and petrol car stands at approximately 7 g/k and 12g/k, respectively.  
  
With the speed increases from 10 to 130 kph, the nitrogen oxide waste of buses experiences an oscillation, with the amount of emission decreases to 22 g/k at 60 kph before goes up to 45 g/k at the maximum speed. Similarly, lorries saw a steadily fall in the emission when the speed increase to 90 kph, but bucks the trend with 7 g/k rise at 130 kmh. While the amount of diesel car emission slightly fell by 2 g/k at the fastest pace, the figure for petrol car witnesses a small increase to 13 g/k  
  
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Never forget to analyze the timeline provided in the image. There is always a clue as to whether this is a continuing process / measurement, previously completed task, or past measurement consideration. In this case, where no dates or years are mentioned, it is safe to use the present tense reference seeing as how these could be considered a continuing or ongoing task. This is a slight GRA inaccuracy and a partial C+C misanalysis on the part of the writer. He chose to use the incorrect time reference this time.  
  
There will be LR deductions in addition to increase GRA deductions due to lack of clarity in a sentence. When he wrote:  
  
slowest level of pace  
he neglected to double check the meaning of the words level and pace. These are 2 different measurement references that cannot be used together due to the different measurement basis:  
  
level - having no part higher than another; having a flat or even surface.  
  
pace - a rate of activity, progress, growth, performance  
  
Therefore the reference should be "slowest pace" since it refers to the speed of the line graph presentation.  
  
Most of the problems the writer has are in reference to word usage, sentence structure, and how these relate to the clarity of the presentation. He must work on improving these areas next time.