dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## the live on earth is a challenge

  
  
Many people believe that living on the Earth has been becoming more challenging and we should pour money into looking for other planet to live, such as Mars. In my opinion, this solution is not necessary.  
  
There are reasons to doubt of plan to move to the Mars. Firstly, although the Mars has some similar conditions to the Earth but whether living organisms ever existed there remains unknown. We are still on the progress of research about this planet to get more understanding. And some recent experiments show that we even need to find out the way of production oxygen to breath if we have a long trip on this place.  
  
Secondly, moving 7.7 billions people from the Earth to Mars cost billions dollars and we need to prepare a huge fund for this transfer. Furthermore, our government also need to arrange new accommodation for all citizens. We can image the whole process may take many decades even centuries while human race has been existing on the Earth millions years. Inspire of the fact that, we are coping with the increasingly harsh living condition such as over-exploited and depletion natural resources, lack of accommodation due to population explosion and densely populated cities, rise of sea lever causes more land are being shrunk or so on.  
  
However, scientist also insist on that future of Earth or survival of human race depend on human mainly and all thing can be changed if development of clean, green energy slow down global warming of the Earth.  
  
In conclusion, I consider that the research for new planets is waste of time and resource and efforts should be concentrated on technology that allows us to live more sustainably right here on the Earth.
*looking for other planet**s** to live*  
You should make sure "planet" includes the "s" at the end to indicate multiple planets. If you meant only one other planet, you could use "another" instead of "other".  
  
*to doubt of plan to move*  
This part of your sentence is confusing and I'm not sure what you're trying to say. I suggest that you rephrase this part.  
  
*to the Earth**,** ~~but~~ whether living organisms ever*  
There shouldn't be a "but" here. After removing the "but", add a comma to Earth.  
  
*7.7 billion~~s~~ people*  
It should just be "7.7 billion" rather than billions. Also, I'm not sure anyone suggests moving the entire population on Earth to another planet, so you may wish to consider changing this point.  
  
*We can ~~image~~*  
Did you mean "imagine" instead?  
  
*~~Inspire~~ of the fact that*  
Did you mean "inspite" instead?  
  
*depletion **of** natural resources*  
You should have an "of" here.  
  
*rise of sea ~~lever~~ causes ...*  
Did you mean "levels" instead of "lever" ? Also, consider rephrasing the second part of this sentence as it doesn't sound right. "Causing more land to be shrunk" would be a possible alternative.  
  
The main point of your writing seems good. I hoped this helped.
## Formal examination or continuous assessment - ielts

  
  
*Question: Formal examinations are the only effective way to assess a student's performance. Continual assessment such as course work and projects is not a satisfactory way to do this.*  
  
There is a controversial debate among educational experts about choosing between formal examinations and continuous assessment as a method to reflect a student's performance. While I think that formal educations are very effective to assess students' abilities, I believe that continual assessment also has its own benefits.  
  
One the one hand, I think formal examinations are one of the most effective ways to assess every student's performance. Firstly, it is very hard for a student to cheat in formal examinations. Therefore, scores given through those exam can exactly reflect real abilities of a student, how he or she grasped the lesson that teacher had delivered before. As a result, teachers will find it much more easily to tailor their teaching strategies which may help more students to accumulate knowledge. Besides, formal examination is more simple to held than continual assessment, so it will help much to save money for both schools/universities and students.  
  
However, a coin always has two sides. One the other hand, I believe that it depends on many aspects to compare the effectiveness between formal examination and continuous assessment. For example, formal examination can not assess practical skills of a student, while continuous assessment reflects clearly how a student applies what he has learned to his real life. Continuous assessment also reduces student's stress, they do not have to burn the midnight oil to do a lot of mock tests. Moreover, it also improves students' ability to work in groups, which helps them much to become excellent team players in their job later when they enter adult life.  
  
In conclusion, formal examination or continuous assessment has its own advantages and disadvantages. If educational experts can balance well them, students will be more successful in their study process.
Hi @ngonhutanhmn80,  
  
Your essay is well written and considering it takes a balanced view, a couple of additional points that may substantiate your argument:  
- Formal examinations have the potential to negatively impact the teaching-learning process (think: rote learning)  
- Feedback time is more spaced out in the case of formal assessments. Continuous assessments, on the other hand, provide ongoing feedback to the learner on mastery and thus allows for more timely course correction.  
  
Also pointing out some corrections:  
- ... much more **easy** (instead of 'easily') to tailor...  
- ... more simple to **hold** (instead of 'held') than continual assessment...  
- ... how a student applies what **he/she** (instead of 'he', makes more sense to keep this gender neutral) has learned ...  
- ....which helps them much ... can change to **which in turn helps them to become excellent team players** (the use of "much" is incorrect there)  
  
Hope this is useful, cheers!
## the best preparation required

  
  
These days, advertisement is everywhere but for effective advertising, it is necessary to consider carefully before making it. There are several ways to do effective advertising. First of all, we must clearly identify the main subjects to advertise products. For example, children is the main object that we are aiming to advertise dairy products. From there we will take out the ideas for the advertising progam in accordance with the preferences of children. Second, to be able to attract a large number of people to see ads, we need to be more creative than the old ads. Especially, these unique ads will cause much impression for customers. Celebrity advertising is another way to make effective ads. This is because people can trust celebrity and they want to be like them. For instance, Opral Winfrey's Book Club was very successful due to using it. However, celebrity must be famous such as actors, singgers or sportpeoples. David Bechkham is a good example. To sum up, I think everething should be used with the best preparation not except advertising.
Hey,  
What is the word limit for this essay?  
I am not an expert but, I can give you some pointers-  
  
-"*it is necessary to consider carefully before making it*" For this line, when you say consider carefully, what exactly are you telling us to consider?  
  
-In line two, instead of using *"main subjects"* maybe use the term *"target audience"*  
- Instead of "*Second, to be able to attract ... Especially, these unique ads ...*" maybe say something along the lines- "*Another important aspect of advertising is the creativity of the advertisement. In order to attract more attention, an advertisement should be able to stand out from other boring advertisements. The uniqueness of an advertisement can have a huge impact on the total numbers of viewers*"  
  
These were only a few points that came to my mind. Your essay has good content as in you are able to support your points by giving concrete examples. You just need to work a little bit on grammar, punctuations and overall phrasing of the sentences.
@Romani  
Hello there. Welcome here. Hopefully, this feedback will help you then with your competition!  
  
I appreciate the introductory paragraph of your essay, taking into account that it was quite a condensed and yet impactful piece of work. I think the main issue that I have is focused mainly on your writing is the fact that you need to work more on the manner that you wrap your paragraphs by the end. Notice how the last sentence of the first paragraph still appears to be rather confusing. It's almost as if the paragraph wasn't supposed to end there yet, but was forced into doing so.  
  
Furthermore, work on the punctuation of your writing. I find that, in certain parts, you were still unable to utilize the proper markings, making it even a little bit harder to see the professionalism of the text.
Hi everyone, I am a Vietnamese student and I am preparing for my IELTS test with Writing skill. I hope you can fix my essay and score it in IELTS band. Many thanks!  
  
## independent children

  
  
Many people argue that allowing their children to make their own decisions on everyday matters may create a society of individuals who only think about theirselve, not about others. In my opinion, it is necessary for children to decide what they want and take responsibility for it.  
  
On the one hand, children who usually make decisions on their own can become more independent when they grow up. A recent survey in UK illustrated that children who are given permission to choose what they want have better independences than those who are not. A further benefit is that pupils can be more relaxed. It is unnecessary for them to think about what others judge their behaviors and they can do whatever they want without being under pressure. The third circumstance is that schoolchildren will have more opportunities to broaden their horizon. They always need to find information before deciding doing something and that will give them more knowledge. Last but not least, most of children who can make their own decisions will know how to be a responsible person. They know that they have to take responsibility for whatever they do, although it can have negative effect beside positive one.  
  
On the other hand, people who are too independent have some sides. In other words, they are called conceited and selfish people. The first disadvantage is that selfish people always think about theirselve, do not care about anyone else which leads to the fact that they will not have anyone to rely on when they get into troubles. Being conceited makes people do not know about their weaknesses is considered as the second disadvantage. They are too confident, on their minds, they are always right and they can not recognize their weaknesses. That leads to a serious problem-they will do the same mistake again and again.  
  
In conclusion, children who are allowed to choose what they want can grow up better than who are not. But they need to know how to avoid negative effects of being independent.
Hi,  
I am a high-schooler in Vietnam. I'm taking the IELTS test next week and aim for band 6+ in Writing. I need you help with my essays. Can you please give your opinions in my essays, correct wrong expressons and if possible, mark this essay in 4 IELTS writing criteria?  
  
Thank you a lot.  
  
## commuting time between home and a workplace

  
  
**Many people are now spending more and more time travelling to work or school, some people believe that this is a negative development while others think there are some benefits. Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
In the contemporary world, it is said that commuting time between homes and workplaces or schools is increasing. While some people consider it as a positive development, others who have contradicting view believe there are shortcomings associated with this trend. In this essay, I will present this from both perspectives and give my personal opinion.  
  
From the one hand, there are good grounds for having a positive mind about taking more time for travelling between home and work or school. First, this tendency reduces pressure on urban development as people no longer insist on living in city centers in order to work at enterprises located there. Authorities, therefore, can allocate specific regions for industrial firms, offices and residence, which leads to more well-organized urban areas. A prime example of this is the transformation of Ho Chi Minh City. Compared to ten years ago, despite having top enterprises, District 1 is no longer considered as an ideal residential zone as people opt for adjacent areas which are cheaper yet offer better services. In this case, taking more time to travel to workplaces is a worthwhile trade-off.  
  
On the other hand, I concur with the view that this development has worth-considering negative effects. From an economic perspective, workers and students not only have to spend more time on commuting, but also have to pay more for fuels or transportation fees. For example, in Vietnam, it is estimated that spending on motorbike/car accounts for over 500 000 VND a month while incomes of middle-class people are just over 6 000 000 VND. This tendency, together with increasing fuel prices, pose challenges for low-income workers and students who are still dependant on their parents. Also, it is believed that spending a long time travelling can reduce work efficiency. While driving, the car/motorbike controllers obviously have to pay high attention and by the time they arrive at work or school, they are already drained. Traffic conjunctions on the way to work may result in employees attending late and being considered as lacking work ethics.  
  
In conclusion, although there are certain benefits, I believe the negative impacts of this trend on individuals are stronger and worth more considerations.
## Some parents offer their school-aged children money for each high grade they get in the school

  
  
In today's modern world, education has formed a key element of one's prosperity and success. As a result, parents have adopted various methods in order to encourage their children to become passionate about study, such as giving money as a reward for getting high mark. The obvious question may arise is whether children can reap benefit of this method or not. I, personally, believe that this method's drawbacks can outweigh to its advantages. The reasons why I believe so are elaborated hereunder.  
  
In the first place, paying money to children as a reward can have negative and destructive effects on children's character. By way of explanation, according to a very simple psychological principle, one's personality is shaped to the large extent in childhood, so it is more important to treat with children carefully. Paying money to children for getting high mark can form bad attribute in children, generating high expectation of others in all situation and becoming lazy are of prime importance. These bad qualities may be appear when children grow up and start their career. For example when individuals who were regularly paid by their parents for good remarks do their work excellently, it is likely that they expect their managers to praise them by giving extra money. It is critically important to mention if their expectations will not been satisfied, they lost their passion about their job. This is why child psychologists express serious concerns about applying this method of encouraging children to study.  
  
Second, another reason from my point of view is that paying money for every high grade which is attained by children has a short-term effect. In fact, when children grow up, there are not this motivation, so they do not have strong incentive to follow their goals. Parents can use other incentive which persuade them to study hard, including teach them about the valuable results of getting high grades. In fact, children should know that if they study hard and get a high mark, they reap benefit from this situation not their parents, because this matter can have positive effects on their future and they can have better and more opportunities to find a suitable job.  
  
To sum up, taking into account what was already mentioned, I hold the view that although paying money to student for getting high mark can encourage them to study hard, it has short-term impacts on children's education and has destructive effects on children character.
a good essay, however, please consider the following edits, especially if there is a word limit:  
  
In today's modern world, - presently or contemporaneously,  
  
I, personally, believe that - i believe or it is my belief that  
  
... may ~~be~~ appear when - may manifest..  
  
Secondly, another reason from my point of view - (it has already been established that the essay is based on your opinions)  
  
there are not this motivation - there lacks a motivating drive  
  
To sum up, taking ... - in conclusion, .... (no need to mention aforementioned issues, the reader knows this)  
  
I hope this helps and good luck!
@aysoo  
Hello. Welcome to the forum. I'm here to give you feedback on your writing. Hopefully, you will be able to learn at least something from this.  
  
Firstly, the first paragraph (although is quite alright) needs a bit hammering down. The structural composition of the third to last sentence here appears to be rather baffling. What I would suggest is trying to cut your content into smaller and easier to digest chunks. This will certainly go a long way when you're trying to write with precision.  
  
Furthermore, the next paragraphs also suffer from the same mistakes. What I would heavily recommend that you do is focus on how you can integrate these thoughts and opinions into a more understandable cluster. If we take a look at your second paragraph's last sentences, the conclusiveness of the content appears to be rather lost instead of easy to comprehend.
## The line chart characteristics

  
  
The line chart compares the use of water in terms of 3 distinct sectors around the world from 1900 to 2000. The table illustrates the water was consumed by citizens in Brazil and Congo in 2000.  
  
It is clear that the most amount of water was used by the agriculture sector compared to the other sector during the research period. Each Brazilian used a considerably higher figure of water consumption in comparison with the water consumption of each Congo person.  
  
In 1990, there was the highest figure of water consumed by agriculture, at about 500 km3 while just slightly 1 km3 of water was used by the industrial sector. At the same time, the domestic use of water was the least figure, at nearly 0 km3. In 2000, a remarkable increase of utilized water was seen in 3 sectors. Agriculture remained the sector using the most amount of water, at nearly 3000 km3 whereas approximately 1200 km3 of water was supplied for the industrial sector. Meanwhile, the figure for domestic use experienced a gradual growth to 400 km3 over the period shown.  
  
In 2000, the number of citizens in Brazil was 176 million and each Brazilian consumed a high amount of water, at 359 m3. By contrast, Congo had a significantly lower figure for population and only 8 m3 was utilized by per person.
@nightowlirene  
Hello. Welcome here. Hopefully, this feedback will help you in your writing endeavors. If it does, do not hesitate to come again to the forum. We're always glad to have new people coming around!  
  
I would like to mention first that including the graph or chart will truly be more helpful for people who are reviewing your essay. Next time, try not to miss that part out.  
  
Firstly, I think that the first two paragraphs could have been merged to create a more conclusive introductory paragraph. Doing this will certainly boost the way that your essay appears, considering it will make you look packed with the necessary knowledge and skills.  
  
Furthermore, the transitions that you had in the first half of your third paragraph also can be improved. Try utilizing more solid transition words to evade having to merge your thoughts into one small cluster (remember that doing this runs you at risk of having run-on sentences).
## households owning and renting accommodation

  
  
**The chart shows the percentage of households in owned and rented accommodation in England and Wales between 1918 and 2011.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.**  
  
The diagram indicates the comparison of households in owned and rented residence in England and Wales between 1918 and 2011.  
  
Overall, the percentage of households owning accommodation goes upward, but those renting homes goes in the opposite way. In 1971, people who owned and rented houses had an equal proportions.  
  
Before 1971, dwellers who rented residence has a higher percentage than those who owned. In 1918, we can see that families living in rented homes had overtook almost 60% from people living in owned. The rented trend goes downward, but the households-in-owned trend raised. 1971 remarks the point at which households in owned and rented had a same percentage.  
  
After 1971, the trend totally differed from the earlier time. The percentage of people who owned their house increased while households in rented dwellings slumped. Comparing families owned accommodation with rented, owned house raise slightly by 5%, and a corresponding fell in rented homes between 2001 and 2011. The biggest difference in percentage of owning and renting accommodation was in 2001, which owning houses was 38% higher.  
  
*
Overall I think you did a pretty neat job summarizing the information. It was to the point and easy to understand. There are only a few grammatic changes I would make.  
  
1-... accommodation goes up~~ward~~, and ... homes go~~es~~ in the opposite direction.  
2-... had ~~an~~ equal proportions.  
3-... residence had a higher percentage  
4-... overtook almost 60% of people
@chloeyyy123  
Hello. Thanks for being consistent in the forum. I'm here to give you a comprehensive feedback on this essay. Hopefully, this will help you in your writing endeavors!  
  
Firstly, I agree that, in terms of the analytical angle of your writing, you were quite put-together. This surely made it easier to comprehend the entirety of your text.  
  
Generally, I think that you can improve the writing by focusing more on the manner in which you transition between your sentences. For instance, taking a look at the third paragraph, it was quite noticeable how you did not use any transition words. While it's alright not to care about these things, having them in place surely gives you the benefit of appearing to be a lot more put-together in writing.