dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Min, in actuality, your essay is considered partially correct in response. It is partially correct and would be scored for the portion that it does respond to which is the personal opinion and one public opinion section. You are right in saying that the essay requires your opinion so you were correct in presenting the side you support and the discussion about it. The problem is that you used the whole essay to discuss only your opinion. A presentation of a personal opinion requires you to say what side you support and why.  
  
The main problem you have is that you changed the prompt subject for discussion, which caused you to deliver an incorrect thesis statement via your response to the question. However, your 2 body paragraphs are considered to be in line with the given discussion topic so you will definitely be scored for these portions. A 2 point of view with personal point of view presentation should be discussed in the following format:  
  
1. Paraphrase  
2. Public POV 1  
3. Public POV 2  
4. Personal Opinion  
5. Concluding summary  
  
You should never forget that when there is a reference to "some people" or as long as the term "people" is mentioned in the discussion, the two points of view require a public reference along the same vein such as "Groups of supporters" or "Other opinions..." Make sure the reader is clear about whose public opinion is being discussed so that you can be scored accordingly.
**Prompt: Many men and women are making the decision to have children later in life.  
Why is this trend occurring?  
What are the impacts of this development on both family and society?**  
  
ps: This is a topic about which I have read and thought for a long time. So I tried to write longer than an IELTS Task 2 essay. Please kindly loot it through. Any advice/ criticism/ revision will be appreciated :)  
  
## postponing childbearing for later and its effects

  
  
**ANSWER**: Nowadays increased number of couples choose to postpone childbearing to a later phase of their lives. This may result from longer education and high economic pressure. The trend could lead to more happy and harmonious families but may deteriorate demographic conditions in many countries.  
  
Today young people receive more education, which inevitably decreases fertility rate. For example, more than ever young Chinese are studying in university and a growing share of them will pursue a master's degree. This means many of them would not find a paid job and have the economic groundwork for raising a child until their mid or late twenties.  
  
Even after leaving campus, the youth may not be ready to become parents, due to the high cost of nurturing a child. Couples with a child need larger houses which would be unaffordable for young people who have just entered the workforce. Good education can be costly as well. The high fees of kindergarten and extra-curricular classes put heavy burdens on young parents. This is why a significant proportion of 25-to 35-year-olds refuse to have children until they have the resources needed for child-upbringing which could take ten or more years to accumulate.  
  
Apart from their financial advantages, old couples are likely to be mature enough for parenthood. From years of higher education and high-pace work, they have learnt how to organize their time. These parents would be able to balance child-upbringing and other things, setting aside enough time to play with their children. Ensuring enough time of family communication could contribute to a happier childhood for the new-born and a more harmonious family.  
  
For society, however, more people delaying childbirth may decrease birthrates, worsening the ageing of population. Females who give birth to her first child in their late thirties, may not be young enough to have another baby. This could cause a decline in fertility rates. A fallen number of babies means future economic development would be hindered by an insufficient workforce.  
  
In conclusion, more time spent in education and the high cost of raising a child have led to more couples having babies late. This is beneficial for family as parents are more mature; but could pose threats to the economy of a country, by lowering birth rate.
@TriceLiu  
Hi,  
After reviewing your essay, I think you have many good ideas for your essay. However, I also find out some mistakes and hope that my suggestion may help you:  
  
1. Error of run-on sentence: This is why a significant ...  
-> ... children until they have necessary resource enough to raise a child. Therefore, they could take ten or more years to do this.  
  
2. Not the same of structure: ... ,worsen~~ing~~ the ageing of population.  
  
3. Unclear sentences:  
A ~~fallen~~ number of babies means... -> A decrease in the number of births would hinder future economic development because of an insufficient workforce.  
  
~~Nowadays increased~~  number of ... -> Nowadays, the number of couples who wants to postpone childbearing to a later phase of their lives is increasing.
Shurui, this paper is almost perfect in presentation and that, is not a good thing. Why is this not a good thing? You mentioned that you read this question sometime ago online and you took the time to think about how to respond to it before writing it. If you do not read the question and then immediately write a response to it, then you are not giving yourself an actual exam setting set up for your practice essay. That is why the response is almost perfect, with very little mistakes. You did not write this under time pressure. Therefore, your response, though fantastic in presentation, cannot help you when you take the actual test.  
  
The key to writing the perfect IELTS task essay is time management. How well do you respond to the question under time pressure? How well can you think in English and write in English when you are under time constraints such as in a university class exam setting? That is what this test is all about. So taking your time to analyze the essay and then developing a response after some time is not very helpful to you as an exam taker. All your essays must be written under time pressure or you are not preparing to take the exam in the correct manner.
## students in a UK university able to speak other languages

  
  
*The charts below show the proportion of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010.  
  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.*  
  
Write at least 150 words.  
  
My essay:  
  
The pie charts compare the percentage of students in a UK university who could speak at least one more language besides English in 2000 and 2010.  
  
It is evident that the majority of the students spoke at least one other language in addition to English. Only about one-third of the students spoke English solely, with a slight five percent increase over the period. It is also notable that the proportion of German speakers studying in this university remained unchanged at ten percent.  
  
On the other hand, the percentage of Spanish and French-speaking students saw a decline, with the former by half and the latter by one third, both to ten percent in 2010. However, the proportion of students who were trilingual or spoke another language rose by five percent to 20% and 15% respectively in 2010.  
  
To sum up, substantial variations can be found regarding the percentage of students who were bilingual or trilingual.  
  
*
@msyoshino while you did write a little more than the 150 word requirement, your presentation remains incomplete. You do have a semblance of a 4 paragraph presentation here but you lack comparison points between the two pie charts, a proper summary overview, and a clear presentation of the information provided. The correct format for this essay would have been:  
  
1. Summary overview with complete information and trending statement  
2. Information from the 2000 chart  
3. Information from the 2010 chart  
4. Comparison points  
  
It would have been better for your essay if you used the proper percentage presentations from the original charts because using the fractional form does not really give the reader a clear idea of the measurements involved. Your presentation leaves the reader guessing in most parts and will be considered to be giving the reader stress, which could affect your C&C and GRA scores. Since the Task 1 essay is all about information accuracy and clear paraphrasing, you should always use the information as originally presented in the chart.  
  
The opening summary is incomplete. It should read as follows:  
  
*Two pie charts have been provided for reporting and comparing in terms of available information. The pie charts represent the data regarding the measurement of British students enrolled at an undisclosed British university who had the ability to converse in other languages aside from English in the years 2000 and 2010. The measurements for the 6 sections representing No other language, Spanish only, French only, Another language, German only, and Two other languages were presented in the percentage format. Overall, the trend showed an increase in No other language learners which was up 5 percent in 2010 from the original 2000 measurement. .*  
  
The summary overview is the most important aspect of the Task 1 essay writing because this shows your ability to analyze the report and pick out the important information that can be useful to the reader. That is why you need to present all of the important information that is given to you in the original discussion and instructions. Doing so will increase your TA scores to the highest possible marking.  
  
In addition to that, you should try to write around 175 words to be sure that you did not miss any important information in your presentation. Be particularly cognizant of your comparison data presentation as that is clearly indicated as a requirement in the task instruction. Look for the small similarities or extended trending explanation as part of the comparison presentation. By the way, you do not need to write a concluding sentence / paragraph in a Task 1 essay. That is not required as this is an analytical report essay, not an opinion essay.
Hello @Holt  
Thank you so much for the feedback. It's extremely helpful and I'm so glad that I found this forum. I've rewritten the essay with the provided introductory paragraph and ended up with 182 words. It would be great if you could kindly offer your insight again.  
  
My essay:  
  
The pie charts represent the data regarding the measurement of British students enrolled at an undisclosed British university who had the ability to converse in other languages aside from English in the years 2000 and 2010. The measurements for the 6 sections representing No other language, Spanish only, French only, Another language, German only, and Two other languages were presented in the percentage format. Overall, the trend showed an increase in No other language learners which was up 5% in 2010 from the original 2000 measurement.  
  
As indicated, roughly one-third of the learners could not speak any other languages (30% in 2000 and 35% in 2010). As for students who could converse in Spanish, the proportion halved to 10% by 2010.  
  
On the other hand, in 2000, French and Another language speakers accounted for identical proportions at 15%, whereas by 2010 the former declined and the latter increased, both by 5%. The percentages of German and Two other languages speakers were also the same at 10% in 2000. Although in 2010 the former remained unchanged, the latter saw an increase of 5%.
## 11 steps of coffee manufacturing

  
  
**The diagram below shows how coffee is produced and prepared for sale in supermarkets and shops.**  
  
The picture illustrates the process of coffee production and preparation for selling in supermarkets and shops.  
  
Overall, producing coffee involves 11 steps before it can be put on the market. The process starts with collecting the coffee beans and culminates with filling up jars with coffee.  
  
To begin with, the coffee beans are harvested on the farm and dried in the sun to remove water. After that, the beans are roasted and cooled quickly. Then, they are converted into powder by being ground a grinding machine and mix with hot water to become a mixture, which is strained in the next step.  
  
At the next stage, the strained mixture becomes frozen liquid at a low temperature. Subsequently, it passes through a grinder the second time, which is followed by being dried in a vacuum so that the water turns into moisture. Finally, the coffee powder is packed into jars and it is ready to be delivered to shops.  
  
*
Moon, you can present a cleaner, concise, and thorough opening summary if you do not separate your statements into stand alone sentences. When you place all the separate sentences together in one paragraph of 3 sentences, you present a clear overview summary with a clear outline for the upcoming discussion presentation. Now, you will probably say, "Then I would only have 3 paragraphs". That's true. That is because you did not follow the illustration separation of steps as it was shown to you. In truth, the illustrations are presented in 4 stages composed of 11 steps.  
  
Therefore, each 3 drawing descriptions is equivalent to 1 paragraph. So, 4 levels of illustration is equal to 4 sets of paragraphs. That is a little trick that helps you to achieve the proper word and paragraph count for the essay. For procedural description essays, which this is, count the number of steps, then count the lines of drawings to figure out how many paragraphs can be presented. It will never be less than 4 paragraphs.  
  
By the way in the last step, where you mention that the ground coffee is vacuum dried to turn into moisture, actually, vacuum drying the ground beans removes moisture. All of coffee in the supermarkets are vacuum packed with the moisture removed in order to preserve the coffee. You either misunderstood the diagram or you do not understand how coffee is really made and what vacuum packing means. vacuum packing means removing moisture to create a longer shelf life, which is what is done to make sure the coffee will remain fresh for a long time on the store shelves.
Hi everyone, I would really appreciate that you will take a look at my essay and so I really hope to receive your comments and feedback about my writing skill and score it if possible. Thank you so much for your help. Have a nice day.  
  
## statistics of the birthrate in the uk

  
  
The line graph compares the changes in the birth rates among UK women in 6 age groups between 1973 and 2008.  
  
As conspicuous from the statistics, there was a downswing trend in the birth rates in under-30 and over-40 age groups. Additionally, an opposite inclination was observed in the remaining groups.  
  
In 1973, the highest birth rate was recorded among women who were 25-29, at 140 per thousand people. After several fluctuations, this figure modestly went down to exactly 120 and still retained its dominant position by 2008. Meanwhile, for women aged 20-25, the number of births decelerated rapidly by roughly 30 to hit the bottom at 90. This was considerably higher than the figure for women under 20, which declined steadily by 20 to 40 after nearly 4 decades. Among under 40-year-olds, the birth rate dropped slightly from 20 to 10.  
  
In contrast, the birth rate for 30-35-year-old women increased gradually from 70 to over 80 in 2008. Over the same period, there was also a growth in the 35-39 age group, slowly rising from 40, then abruptly surging to hit a peak of 62.  
  
(182 words)  
  
*
Minh, always make sure that you have a complete summary of information presented in the opening summary paragraph. In this essay you presented the type of graph and the reason for the measurements. You made a mistake in the reference to the years indicated. These are not consecutive years as you imply (1978-2008) but rather, a comparison rate based on a half decade or 5 year data measurement. That is an error in presentation that will lower your TA score due to inaccuracies or lacking information presentation. You also did not indicate that the age groups presented range from 25-40 years of age and over. I cannot repeat this often enough, if the information is in the chart and is highlighted by color or writing style, it must be presented in the summary information presentation in order to increase the TA score.  
  
You have one too many sentences here that can qualify as the trending statement for this essay. For clarity, you should present a single trending sentence at the end of the summary overview, after you indicate what the instructions for the survey is. Your last paragraph falls short of the 3 sentence requirement. You need to increase your writing to 3-5 sentence per paragraph so that your GRA score can be increased along with the C&C presentation.  
  
For this essay, your overall score could fall under the bracket of 4-4.5 based upon the TA and paragraph formatting considerations.
Hi, I'm not a native speaker, but I'm glad to help you with this essay.  
Your paragraphs are well-structured and easy to understand, so overall you have a good essay.  
  
For the overview, in my opinion, you should mention the 30-35 and 35-40 age groups first because there are only these 2 groups with an upward trend, while there are much more groups with the downward trend, which should be included in the remaining groups. If I were you, I would write:  
  
"There was an upward trend in the birth rates in the 30-35 and 35-40-year-old age groups, while the opposite movement was observed in the remaining groups."  
  
There are some mistakes that I would like to fix in your essay:  
  
**"As conspicuous from the statistics, there was a downswing trend in the birth rates in under-30 and over-40 age groups. Additionally, an opposite inclination was observed in the remaining groups."**  
  
**"downswing trend"**  
It sounds unnatural for me. It should be "downward trend" or "downswing".  
**Additionally**  
It is fine, but if you want to talk about a contrast, you should use other linking verbs.  
  
**dominant position in 2008.**  
  
**the number of births decelerated ...**  
You should use "decline" or "fall", because "decelerate" means that a figure is still growing, but at a slower pace and may stop in the future.  
  
**Among over 40-year-olds, the birth rate ...**  
  
**... age group, slowly rising from 40 births until 1988, when the figure suddenly surged to around 62 in 2008.**  
  
I wouldn't use "the peak" or "the bottom" when it happens at the end of the period.
## People in the community can buy cheaper products nowadays. Advantages & disadvantages?

  
  
Hi everyone, I will take the IELTS test next month, so I really hope to receive your comments and feedback about my writing skill and score it if possible. Thank you so much for your review and I really appreciate your help.  
  
These days, people have a greater chance to purchase various products at cheaper prices. While this tendency might bring many benefits, I strongly believe its downsides are much significant.  
  
On the one hand, it is beneficial for customers when the price of products is low. One of the main advantages is that this trend allows low-income people to buy goods with greater diversity, which helps to increase their living standard. If the sales price is too high, people will restrict their payments and solely focus on basic survival needs such as housing, medicines, and transportation. Additionally, since these goods are becoming more accessible and cheaper, the overall consumption is strongly stimulated, which favors the provincial economy. Hence, this eventually enhances the national living standard as a whole.  
  
In contrast, I strongly believe that its drawbacks are overshadowed the positive outcomes. The first reason would be that these cheap products can be made from unsafe chemicals and low-quality ingredients. This might be inevitable since the manufacturers want to cut down on the producing costs in order to decrease the sales price. Hence, using those goods can negatively affect the consumer 's health. Secondly, the cheap prices usually associated with low quality and short-term durability. As a result, buyers might not save money from these goods. Instead, they have to spend more budget on repairing, or before long, they are forced to buy a new one.  
  
In conclusion, while the opportunity in which people can gain access to cheaper products can be advantageous to some extent, I sincerely concern that these shortcomings can lead to the detriments to the society.
Minh, you did not properly analyze the instructions for this essay. This is a single opinion essay that should thoroughly support either the advantage or disadvantage discussion. Since the question is "Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?", You are required to present a 4 paragraph discussion for this essay. The 4 paragraphs should present:  
  
1. Prompt paraphrase  
2. An explanation of your personal point of view regarding the various related disadvantages  
3. An example that supports the connected disadvantages  
4. A concluding summary  
  
The presentation should be similar to:  
  
*The residents of a town find that they can now buy affordable products. Due to the ease by which people can own these goods, a question has come forth, do the easy purchases present advantages or disadvantages? This essay will discuss my personal opinion regarding this question by presenting a few reasons in support of one particular point of view.  
  
I believe that there are clear disadvantages to being able to easily purchase products in a community. Some of these disadvantages include the availability of low quality products and the short lifespan of the said product. These disadvantages make the money spent on the product wasteful as the product does not last long in the consumer's hands.  
  
These affordable products are often created at the sacrifice of product quality. these products can be made cheaply because the manufacturer uses cheap materials that do not last long as a final product. As such, the consumer ends up having to buy a replacement product sooner rather than later. While the repeat sales are good for business, this proves to be a waste of hard earned money for the owner of the product since they need to buy the product more than once as the product will keep on breaking.  
  
In the end, money is wasted when purchasing the goods several times. This is the main disadvantage of buying cheap products. Another disadvantage includes the lack of product longevity. That is why I believe that there are more disadvantages for the community when the members buy cheap products.*  
  
Approaching the essay in this manner shows that you are capable of thinking of valid reasons to support one point of view. It makes it easier for you to discuss the essay within 4 paragraphs rather than trying so hard to think of 2 opposite reasons to write about within 40 minutes.