dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Discuss disadvantages and advantages of studying abroad

  
  
Studying overseas is always a dream of students want to move out the comfort zone of daily life due to practical benefits of it. Apart from advantages, there are also downsides that students could not avoid from.  
  
There are various benefits of studying abroad. First of all, studying abroad helps people broaden their mind. It is due to the fact that they have a chance of getting not only progressive education in developed countries but also a genuine experience. If they want to get around or create social relationships, they have to learn to read a map or try to participate in school events in order to enhance their adaptability in a new environment. Furthermore, studying in a foreign country contributes to boost career. It is obvious that employers often appreciate those having an abroad studying experience because thay have working qualities such as independence, initiative, and stress consistance during their time in a new country.  
  
Students have to face difficulties while living in a foreign country. Firstly, financial burden is the initial concern as they not only tuition fee for several semesters but also cover the cost of living which is always expensive. Secondly, cultural shock becomes a unavoidable problem. Although people have careful preparation in language and information of a foreign country where they decide to study in, they still encounter language barrier and strange things like food, behavior of local people since a new world is different from things people get used to their home country.  
  
Despite the drawbacks of studying overseas, people will have rewarding and life enriching experiences when they have a chance of studying abroad.
My, your opening statement is inconsistent. The first sentence does not make any sense. Aside from that, your paragraph is under the minimum 3 sentence requirement so this tells me that there is a missing representation, normally in relation to the manner of essay discussion, that is missing from the essay. Let me show you a more understandable version of your first sentence:  
  
*Students always dream of studying abroad. Most of the students that dream of this are the ones who wish to get away from their daily comfort zone. These students have a tendency to want to learn from the practical benefits of living abroad. However, despite the advantages of studying abroad, there is also a disadvantage to this act. This essay will discuss one advantage and disadvantage in relation to studying abroad.*  
  
In your second and third paragraphs, you mention that there are various reasons that deliver an advantage or disadvantage for studying abroad. Since you have a sentence and paragraph limited essay, you must focus on discussing only one valid reason per paragraph. Do not try to mention too many as you do here because that limits your ability to be able to develop the discussion in a manner that truly informs the reader. It is not the number of reasons that you can give that matters. What matters is the degree of understanding that the reader can have coming out of your paragraph.  
  
You need to learn how to develop your concluding paragraph in a manner similar to the presentation of an opening paragraph. The biggest difference being, you have to present a summary of the previously completed discussion in order to meet the sentence requirement. You can't send in new information at that point, there isn't any sentence allotment left to successfully complete that act in a conclusion.
**It's generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for music and sport, and others are not. However, it's sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become good sports person or musician.**  
  
## talents can be taught

  
  
By born some people get specific traits. While most people believe in that, others argue that such trait could be achieved with practice. I agree that those traits are gifts from nature, but could be strayed without continuous practice.  
  
Talented people have inherent abilities that enable them to be special in a particular area. Even some , never had any teaching or any special teaching when they were young. They have grown up with innate capabilities and doing outstanding performance in their own field like music or sports. For example, there are a lot of sports teams which had best training sessions, but they are losing consistently. If talent had nothing to do with success, people with better trainer would always have performed better than others who have natural talent.  
  
On the other side, talent alone is not enough without specific practice in different cases. In the spite of being talented some may not know how to use their talent; in this case they need to replenish their capabilities with practice and learning. For instant, some has good voice; they don't have any idea about rhythm, scale, and harmony that are required to improve in singing. For this reason, Despite of being talented training is mandatory with skilled one to be unique. Conversely, learning method can't be work such people who have no natural quality.  
  
To conclude, naturally human traits come from genetics that appear in different way. It is not possible to have such traits any other ways, but it might be strayed without nurturing. Although, talents are not gained by learning, I gravitate towards that leaning enhance people's capabilities.
FiZa, an accurate review of your essay cannot be completed as your original prompt posting does not include the discussion instruction sentence. Without it, I cannot properly determine whether or not you have properly understood the discussion topic and the discussion method that must be referred to in the essay. This is an integral part of determining your TA score which means that without it, the first score of your essay, which will be the basis of the remaining 3 criteria, cannot be assigned. What I can tell you though is this, your opening statement is so incoherent and lacking in cohesiveness that there is absolutely no way it can be considered as a proper representation of the original prompt discussion and its requirements. Since your opening statement is incomprehensible, it is safe to assume that the essay will fail the TA section in an actual setting. You presented a series of phrases and sentences that do not have an appropriate subject for the sentence to the reader. These faults are serious and will definitely bring your score down to a non-passing level. You must always do your best to fully and accurately represent the original prompt discussion in the opening statement. When you fail to do that, then the rest of your essay score will be in danger of failing as well.
Essay 1：  
**Many people use distance-learning programs (study material post, TV, Internet, etc.) to study at home, but some people think that it cannot bring the same benefits of attending college or university. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?**  
  
## online education for students

  
  
Nowadays, an increasing number of students use distance-learning programs. However, whether taking distance courses can bring the same benefits as attending college. I agree with the view that students can get more benefits from distance education than traditional education.  
  
First, online education enables students to study at their own place. This means that students can study whenever and wherever they want. Students can make the best use of their time studying knowledge and skills which are they need. What is different from traditional, students do not need to stay in the classroom, and they can save many times which could be used to do something else. Therefore, it is important to encourage the development of online education.  
  
In addition, technology can make lessons much more interesting. For example, 3D technology has become a hot topic after the movie Avatar made the whole world crazy, and it also is used in online education now. The using of high technology in distance-learning programs makes online lessons more interesting and more interactive than college's lessons. Students who take this lessons will put all their heart into it.  
  
However, that is not to say that universities can not bring any benefits to students. Of course, universities cannot provide structured courses that many technological educate cannot provide with. But I still believe that online education systems will become more and more reasonable.  
  
In summary, online education can bring more benefits to the students and society, and that will be a trend of the future education. Meanwhile, we should not ignore the importance of traditional education. Only by doing so can we create the best educational environment for the next generation.
Wei, this is an essay discussion that requires you to deliver an emotional response to the "extent" discussion. That means, you need to use adjectives or descriptive words in order to highlight the degree of your agreement or disagreement with the given topic. Some of the adjectives you can use are strongly, partially, totally, to a certain extent, and other similarly themed words. Depending upon the degree of the adjective that you use, you may or may not need to discuss one or 2 opinions in the essay. In this instance, you said that you simply agree with the statement. That is a partially incorrect response as it lacks the descriptive adjective to make it a valid prompt response. Since you used the singular form of agreement, you should not have discussed 2 points of view in the essay. You should have only discussed one. The only time that you can discuss 2 sides of the issue in support of your agreement or disagreement with a given statement is when you use the term "partially" or "to a certain extent" in order to describe your agreement or disagreement with the statement. Based upon this error, the essay may be said to have only partially discussed the prompt requirements and should receive a barely passing score in an actual setting.
*Genetic engineering is an important issue in modern society. Some people think that it will improve people's live in many way others feel that it may be a threat to life on earth.  
  
Discuss both views and give your opinion.*  
  
## genetics in service to improve the quality of human life

  
  
The development of Genetic Modification technique brings some problem among society. Some people tend to believe that the use of this method will improve the qualities of a human life by modifying the human DNA to resist from the chronic diseases, while others more agree if this way can be danger for living creature since the limitation of the genetic can be stagnant. However, this writing strongly believes that modifying genes are good for human's problems.  
  
In a science world, the scientist race one another in finding and solving human problems regarding enhancing human's live by modification of DNA. By doing this activity, the majority of researchers believe that this scientific research can help people against some diseases even before the baby is born by analyzing the gene as soon as possible. All the children will be born with healthy and resistant from the illness. For example, a lot of develop countries make an abortion become legal rule for certain condition to tackle down the issue of the hereditary disease or not, like leukemia or heart attack.  
  
Apart from the previous explanation, having limited genetic diversity also threatens for the humankind. Having high price for do the treatment for a sufferer of chronic diseases will limited the diversity of gene, due to the one who may only affordable for this is the rich. For example, by the survey of WHO in 2016 revealed that 70% of people in 2050 remaining same person dominated by the rich, thanks to the cloning therapy toward genetic modifier. This is a detrimental scene for human life, remembering that the rich will monopolize it, while the poor will be die slowly.  
  
To sum up, the pro and contrast will be happen among societies in respond the usage of genetically modified for improving the human qualities. Weather a chronic disease from parents or not, it is no longer become a frightening case for human, although, the genetic engineering may limit the variation of the gene.
Heru, your essay discusses the topic in a manner that runs against the expected discussion. The discussion instruction was indicated by the original prompt as being a comparison of the two points of view before the presentation of your personal opinion. What you did was develop your own discussion format in a manner that you felt proper for your understanding of the topic. You did not consider the proper formatting of the essay discussion as indicated by the original prompt. You also did not accurately discuss the topic in the manner instructed. This essay would get an automatic fail in an actual test setting.  
  
For starters, you did not paraphrase the prompt in the opening statement. You discussed the topic immediately which is a violation of the TA requirements. That violation and lack of proper instruction in the thesis statement would automatically result in a score of 1 for this essay. That failure cannot be overcome and your overall score will be a failing grade.  
  
Kindly remember that you will not have any opportunity to access the outside internet from the testing center. Therefore, you are not in a position to cite facts and figures as you did on this essay. Always use common sense, popular opinion, and logic to discuss all provided essay topics. You must ensure that you practice the test in an actual setting format so that you will know what the allowable movements and limitations in your discussion will be on that day.
... Modification technique precipitates problems upon society. Some people ~~tend to~~ favor the technique because modifying the human DNA to resist from the chronic diseases can improve the (...), while others believe this can be dangerous for living creature ...  
  
However, this writing strongly believes ... (reword this, you don't have to state "this writing." Say something alongs the line of: However, studies have proven that modifying genes have been efficient in solving ... (also elaborate more on what kind of "human problems")  
  
~~In a science world,~~ scientists  race one another (...) problems by enhancing human lives through the modification of DNA. A majority of researchers (...) some diseases give exampleseven before the baby ...  
  
To sum up, the pro and contrastpro's and con's will be (...) in regards to the usage of ...  
~~Weather~~Whether a chronic disease from parents or not, it is no longer become ... I don't understand what you are trying to say in this last sentence. You have to state more details for clarification.
In many countries obesity has become a major serious issue. I believe that junk food meals and the lack of obesity exercises are the major causes of this situation. Fortunately, although these issues have led to a rise in obesity, there are ways we can solve this problem.  
  
In my opinion, the main cause of obesity is junk food. This contains high levels of sugar and salt. People also do not have enough time to cook at home.  
  
They prefer eat outside rather than cooking. In addition, junk food is also cheaper and most people can afford it. All of theses causes can contribute to the increase in obesity.  
  
Regular exercises is another cause of the increase in obesity. These days people are expected to work longer hours and dedicate less time to physical activities. People tend to prioritise other things like making friend or visiting a family member rather than making regular physical activities. This can lead to the increase in others health problems like heart attack or diabetes.  
  
Fortunately there are several approach to this problem that can be done to reduce the obesity rate. Junk food should be regulated to protect obesity people. They require to comply information about ingredients and make them public on television. Raise taxes on junk food would be another solution. This can discourage the demand of this food. Promote exercises in public places like the par on weekend. This could encourage people to go out and practices outdoors exercises.  
  
In conclusion, Although the lack of exercises and eating junk food are the major factors that people are getting overweight, there are several measures that can contribute to reduce this problem.  
  
Please help to correct my essay I will appreciate it
@renzotello hello  
  
it is not possible to suggest you anything about your essay without knowing the prompt. please provide the prompt.  
  
by the way .. I read your essay , I think you need to read some articles to about basic writing structure.Normally you need to know your opinion phrase will come in conclusion part, and conclusion will be included at least 3 line otherwise it is not consider as a paragraph that is general rule for writing.  
  
I hope it help u . :)
Renzo, what is the prompt that you are responding to? It seems that you are not responding in the proper format to the original prompt requirements. I wish you had posted a copy of the original prompt so that I could have an idea as to what this discussion is all about and where it is supposed to be headed. As far as the format of the essay goes, it should look, in paragraph form, similar to this:  
  
1. Paraphrased opening statement  
2. Body paragraph 1 (side you do not support)  
3. Body paragraph 2 (side you tend to support)  
4. Your personal opinion that supports the previous body paragraph  
5. Concluding statement  
  
Using this format, it is clear that you should not have placed your personal opinion, which is underdeveloped in the presentation, at the top of the essay. It is always presented towards the end, in a completely developed paragraph. You are trying too discuss too many reasons within your paragraphs. The rule of thumb is that you use only one topic per paragraph. So that means one reason per body and one proposed solution. All of which needs to be presented in completely developed discussion patterns. That is why you are asked to present only one topic per paragraph. The examiner is more interested in how you express yourself in English rather than the number reasons that you can present in one paragraph.  
  
Your conclusion is good but incomplete. You should have mentioned some of the solutions to obesity as presented in the essay. This essay shows that you have the potential to improve your work over time. You just need to keep practicing and making sure that you always provide the complete original prompt when you come here to ask for our opinion on your work.
Topic : **Blood sport have become a hot topic for debatable in recent years. As society develops it is increasingly seen as an uncivilized activity and cruel to the helpless animals that are killed. All blood sports should be banned.  
  
Discuss both view and give your opinion.**  
  
## effects of sport

  
  
Some believe that killing animals in a sport involving bloodshed is an indefensible and extremely unpleasant attitude.Since the large number of games have grown rapidly, developed communities paid more attention to this debatable topic. A majority of them claimed that all of such sports should be banned.It is rather excessive to several people's opinion that animals battle seems against its right for cruel act and owner's pleasure. On the other hands, it seems to have a beneficial impact on a few of societies.  
  
Blood competition may cause animals suffering from dying or even bring death to those helpless animals at the end. A pet fights a losing battle to beat its foe, such as cockfighting games.Once animal wins, it also means lose out due to the fact that this animal are losing a lot of blood.In fact, the suffering can be prolonged and unnecessary after the game ends.Beyond that, owners will keep them training before the next game. This behavior may continue to give harm to both of people and also the animal owing to the fact that such sport does not consider the animals right indeed.  
  
Turning to other arguments in which claim that bloody sport involving domesticated-animals has a beneficial impact on society like dog hunting. A group of dogs are trained to catch wild animal that some of them usually distract farmers cultivation.They tend to argue that hunting with dog is essential and not cruel because it eventually helps them by protect their field from endanger animals.  
  
To sum up,society may came up with the idea of banning sport games while some propose its opposite.As seen in the natural act of some society (farmers),they use pets on purpose for no reason on their pleasure, this can be an evidence that such sport is allowed. However, another one will have a detrimental effect on animals and people's mental in the future, so that such game should be banned.
Dian, please do not paraphrase the original prompt requirement as you did in this essay. As you can see, the rephrasing that you did, which was utterly unnecessary, has created a confusing instruction sentence for your prompt. You are depicting only one point of view in the original prompt requirement while the instruction is asking for 2 points of view plus a personal opinion to be discussed. Exactly where is the paraphrased paragraph supposed to get the other point of view when it is not state in the original prompt? Do you see the problem that your over zealousness to paraphrase the original prompt in this practice test created? You must always cut and paste or retype the original prompt without alterations for a proper assessment of your essay to be completed.  
  
Your paraphrased prompt is now faulty because it does not properly represent the original prompt requirements. In fact, I cannot even tell what the original discussion topic and instructions are at this point and because your paraphrasing is inconclusive and does not help the contributor to figure out the point of the essay.  
  
Your discussion in each paragraph is confusing. The sentences often do not make any sense to the reader and causes stress on the comprehension skills of the person reading your work because of the problematic sentence structure, grammar usage, and lexical resources. This is not the type of essay that will gain a passing score in an actual setting. Due to the lack of proper prompt instructions and topic presentation, I cannot understand what the point of each paragraph is and why you are discussing the essay in such a manner. What are the prerequisites for the actual discussion? Your presentation seems to make some sense in some instances but I am not sure if your total discussion is fully applicable to the essay as required.  
  
I am really troubled by the lack of progress in your written skills and English comprehension abilities. It does not seem to me that you will be prepared to take the IELTS test in a passing manner at the appointed time. I hope that you can somehow ask your tutor to help you better develop your English comprehension skills, as well as your grammar and sentence structure abilities. At this point, based upon the work that you have been submitting, I am not confident that you have the skills that it will take to pass the test.
@ditoaji hello!!  
  
I read your paragraph, I saw you need to paraphrase the prompt properly. U can do it using synonyms or another sentence structure. But paraphrasing is important part of introduction part for task 2.  
  
Now I am going to discuss about topic sentences. Your topic sentence is unclear that does not present main idea of the paragraph. You have to write a topic sentence that represent the main point of parahraph , and it also have effect on scoring.  
  
I will suggest you read more more article that gave you new vocabulary, new expression, and obviously different sentence structure.  
  
keep writing :)