dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***In many countries today, people in cities either live alone or in small family units, rather than in large, extended family groups.***  
## Is this a positive or negative trend?

  
  
Unlike people who lived in large, extended family groups in the early times, more and more people in cities nowadays seem to live on their own. While living alone might be more comfortable and cozier, I believe this is a negative development that can lead to depression, potentially harmful situations and also problems later on in life.  
  
One serious problem that can arise from people living alone is that it can lead to inconvenience. Perhaps one might encounter a traffic accident and break legs or arms unluckily, under these kinds of circumstances it would cause numerous inconveniences if none of your family were at your side to help with your daily life. As for people living in small family units, if provided that both parents are busy at work and have no time to take care of their infant, they would have to pay money to hire a nanny, resulting in increasing extra burden on the family's expenses.  
  
Another issue is that the problem of isolation might become even more severe if you live solely. Since human beings are social animals, having others' company is essential for our daily lives. Take myself for instance, I rented my own place and lived alone in my last year of college. At first, I thought that it would be more comfortable for me since I did not need to care about other roommates anymore while living in the campus dormitory, and I could do everything I like at any time I wished. Nevertheless, after one month, I found myself having difficulties in tolerating no one to talk with or to share expressions, feeling so depressed and gloomy all day.  
  
In conclusion, although it could be more convenient for people to live alone, it might result in other problems for this to be considered a positive trend.
The opening paraphrase turned into a run-on sentence. The second sentence contains 2 different thoughts. That means the first part about your belief that this is a negative development should have been a single sentence, with the reasons stated as a final sentence in the presentation.  
  
You should have been more specific in the outline topic section. It would have been best for your reasoning paragraphs if you had just mentioned potentially harmful situations and depression in relation to isolation. The reference to inconvenience was really the weakest and least believable point of this essay. It is the most under developed presentation which would pull down, rather than increase your score.  
  
The conclusion is improperly formatted. This cannot be a single sentence presentation as you are expected to restate:  
- The topic  
- Your opinion  
- The 2 reasons  
- A closing sentence  
  
All of which combine to create a solid reverse paraphrase and concluding recap for the presentation.
The table illustrates the data of underground railway operation in six urban areas namely London, Paris, Tokyo, Washington DC, Kyoto and Los Angeles.  
  
It is noticeable that the older platforms tend to be constructed with longer routes, with the exception of Kyoto. They are also observed to attract a remarkably larger number of train users each year on average.  
  
Turning to the earliest built subways, the rankings starting from the oldest to youngest are London, Paris and Tokyo, in respectively 1863, 1900 and 1927. While being the only one who dates back to the 19th century and covering a larger scale of 394 kilometer, the underground railway system in London serves the least people, 775 million in total, compared to the two counterparts which both surpass 1000 passengers. The latest of the trio is one in Japan being the most popular choice, whose customers reaching 1,927 million every year.  
  
Conversely, the Undergrounds in Washington DC, Kyoto and Los Angeles are inferior in all the operating age, length and travellers. The first one is in the fourth highest position in the three criteria, while the second one comes in last place in both areas and passengers, at 11 kilometer and 45 million individuals respectively. The most recent system is in Los Angeles which opened in 2001 and interests 50 people per year.  
  
*
I will not review the content of this essay for now. That is because I want to call your attention to the main reason why you may not pass this particular section of the test. This is a 20 minute writing task. As such, you are only capable of writing anywhere from 175-190 words. You have written a 221 word essay. A word count that requires at least 40 minutes to write, regardless of the CBT or pencil test format. You have actually over written this essay. You have over analyzed the presentation and wasted valuable writing time on this task. Next time, please write using a timer. Set it for 20 minutes and make sure that you write the Task 1 essay within the allotted time. That should help you judge exactly how many words you can actually write within the time limit. Remember, the task 1 essay does not require too much analysis. It is more of a data presentation essay than anything else.
## **Write about the following topic.**

  
  
Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular.  
  
Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?  
  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  
  
Task performance  
  
With the advent of the Internet technology , people tend to purchase things like books, air tickets and groceries online. While I agree that this way of shopping has lots of benefits, I believe there are some drawbacks that is worth mentioning.  
  
On the one hand, it is undeniable that online shopping can bring the buyer several benefits. Firstly, it is much more convenient than going to the stores. Buying things online can be done just by a click, and can be done whenever and wherever you want, even when you are sitting on your bed. It can also save people time and travel expenses. Some people may have to go far to do shopping and sometimes there are traffic jams on the way which is really annoying. Moreover, this shopping way can even prevent the customers from being packed in the crowds in the malls or shops on special occasions. With these reasons, it is understandable why online shopping is becoming so popular these days.  
  
On the other hand, there are still some disadvantages that are caused by shopping in this way. One of them is the authenticity of the products purchased. As the buyer just do shopping online and can only see the products in image through the screen, they cannot assess the real quality of these products as when they themselves go to the shops. And there have been a lot of purchasing cases that the customers do not satisfy with the products they received and they are even totally different from what have been placed on the Internet. Moreover, sometimes, there are some mistakes when delivering such as too long delivery, wrong products or wrong address that receive bad feedback from the customers.  
  
In conclusion, nobody can deny the benefits that online shopping brings to people as it makes our life more convenient and modern than ever. However, there are still some problems in this shopping way that should be solved as soon as possible to give the purchaser the best experience.  
  
P/s: Hope I will receive feedback from you all! Thank you!
Let.s start with the errors that could affect your writing in the actual setting. You wrote too many words for the allotted time. You only have 40 minutes to complete a draft, review, correction, and finalization of your presentation. The advise is, based on the required editing of the content, that you write no more than 275-290 words. Doing so will allow you to complete the aforementioned finalization procedure for the task.  
  
Next error, You did not show a true LR ability in the essay. When considering synonyms for the presentation, you did not change the presentation of the original keywords enough. You still retained the original words air tickets, and groceries. Which means that you did not even try to rephrase that part of the essay. You chose to rely on memorized words instead.  
  
In addition to that, the prompt paraphrase section at the start and the concluding summary at the end both require a 3 sentence minimum presentation. You only have 2 sentences. There was also a failure to give 2 reasons for your outlined topic discussion. The subjects of the reasoning paragraphs should have been presented in that section to complete the sentence requirement.  
  
Now, you took a comparative approach to this essay when the actual presentation should have used the paragraph form of the A/D presentation as indicated by the original instruction. The presentation should have used the following format:  
  
Sentence 1: Advantage topic  
Sentence 2: Explanation of perceived advantage  
Sentence 3: Reason you oppose this explanation  
Sentence 4: Example that proves your opinion  
Sentence 5: Additional explanation (optional)  
  
The strength and clarity of your opinion will come from your ability to disprove the advantage claim. Consider the discussion a written debate. Yes, that would be the best way to write this essay. Discuss the pro and con using 2 topics in one reasoning paragraph each.
## Dish report (kebab rice noodles)

  
  
Kebab rice noodles is one of the most popular dishes of Vietnamese traditional food. It is the favorite dish of many tourists when they come to visit Hanoi. Last week, I and my friends have done a comparative report about kebab rice noodles (or "bun cha" in Vietnamese) at two different places: famous Huong Lien restaurant and a small food store near Banking Academy. In this report, I am going to reflect about the progress of how we have done that comparative report.  
  
The report is a home writing report and it lasts three weeks. Because it is a small project, it is divided into three steps. At the first step, we spent a week discussing on the topic. We brought up many ideas such as: drinks, game or cosmetic, but finally we chose foods as our topic and kebab rice noodles was the item to be compared. At the second step, we chose the places: Huong Lien restaurant and a small food store near Banking Academy. We went to each place and tasted the dish, took many photos as evidences. At the last step, we wrote the comparative report and prepared the presentation. Each member had her part of presentation and she had to finish it before the deadline.  
  
During only three weeks, I leaned a lot. It surprised me when I tasted the dish of both places as the flavor is different from the other. It turned out each place had its own method of cooking. I also learned how to list out the basic standards to compare those two. It was not easy.  
  
However, there were issues that I had to face when having the dish compared. It was not all about the flavor or the ingredients but it was also arrangement of the dish. It took time and effort to meet all the standards. In addition, we had different timetable and managed it together. Finally, I regretted that I could have done a better report.  
  
What I do not like about the team work is that we spent much more time choosing topic than we should have, which makes us have little time writing personal report and literally no time for presentation. Fortunately, we did it quite well. Next time, I suggest we should spend just a week on topic and two weeks left for the other tasks. Plus, I find the comparative report a little time-wasting. The program should be narrowed down the topics as it is hard to choose a suitable one. However, this is the most interesting assignment have done. It is like trip to us and we had happy moments together.
I think you will do better with a revised version of this essay. The content is good, but it is not well presented. You should make sure to have an order in the presentation so that it makes better sense to the reader. Make it easier to follow. A potential format for this essay is as follows:  
  
Par. 1:  
Start with the introduction of the project. Explain what class it is for. What is the purpose of the assignment? How was it to be completed? How were the restaurants chosen? Explain the Where, What, When, and Why of the project.  
  
Par. 2: Introduce the first restaurant. Discuss how and why the restaurant was chosen. Talk about the cooking process. How the ingredients are chosen and how the overall cooking approach created the flavor.  
  
Par. 3: The tasting. Start with what the group thought. If you thought otherwise, then discuss it there. Explain why your opinion differed and what your personal criteria for the taste test was.  
  
Par. 4: Final analysis. Discuss the difficulties of the project and how it affected the research. Talk about the positive and negative points of the group work. Close with a personal perspective of what you learned through the project and how you hope to apply it to your profession in the future.
## the proportion of the elderly population in three countries

  
  
The given line graph compares the percentage of the population aged 65 or more in Japan, Sweden, and USA over a period of 100 years.  
  
It is clear that the proportion of elderly people in each country increases between 1940 and 2040. In addition, Japan is expected to witness substantial changes in its elderly population.  
  
In 1940, around 9% of the American population aged 65 or over, in comparison with about 7% and 5% of that figure for Sweden and Japan respectively. Over the next 50 years, the proportion of the elderly population in the USA and Sweden rose gradually, reaching approximately 15% in 1990. In contrast, that figure for Japan fluctuated around 4% and remained under 5% until the early 2000s.  
  
Looking forward to the future, the percentage of Japanese aged 65 or more is predicted to experience a dramatic increase of over 20% in just 40 years from 2000 to 2040. In 2040, the figures for Sweden and USA will be slightly lower than the figure for Japan, at about 25% and 23% respectively.  
  
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In the summary overview, do not make vague references to the timeline presented in the graph. This indicates the year1940 up to 2040. The accuracy of the report will be needed in the summary overview so use the actual years from the original reference. You can still use the century reference later on, within the trending statement. Do not use the current / present tense with regards to your references. Since this is a future event the word "will" should be prominent in the presentation. "Will" and any variation of the word refers to the upcoming event or measurement as indicated in the graph. Use a uniform paragraph presentation. Always present anywhere between 3-5 sentences. Never present a 2 sentence paragraph because that, for sure, contains a run-on sentence, which will lower your GRA score.
- In the introduction, I think you should mention the year 1940 instead of just mentioning "100 years", you can write : "over a period of 100 years from the year 1940", it may be much clearer.  
  
- In 2040, the figures for Sweden and USA ~~will be~~ slightly lower than the figure for Japan, at about 25% and 23% respectively. You should not use the word "will". Instead, use some other following : "is predicted", "is expected".  
  
Hope this will help you!
Hello everybody, I am going to take the IELTS exam next year so I'm practicing my writing currently. Hope that any one can give me some comments on my writing? It is very valuable to me. Thanks in advance!  
  
***Feedback and evaluation are necessary aspects of school and work, but many people dislike being evaluated.***  
## What are the causes of this problem? How could it be solved?

  
  
Giving feedback to students or employees is an important task for teachers and superiors. However, a considerable number of people does not enjoy receiving feedback. In my view, the reasons behind this are feedback can be hurtful and incorrect, while the solutions could be to provide feedback constructively and objectively.  
  
To begin with, there are various reasons causing this unwanted problem. Firstly, feedback is sometimes used to deliberately criticize people, significantly hurting their self-esteem and self-confidence. This kind of unconstructive evaluation brings the feelings of depression and isolation to receivers, which is emotionally dangerous. For example, there were reported cases in which workers or students intended to commit suicide due to severe criticism. Secondly, there is a high possibility that feedback does not reflect the current progress of workers or pupils correctly. In other words, feedback is often subjectively established, which can result in a wrong development plan for students or employees.  
  
Turning to the solutions to this issue, there are various steps that schools and organizations can take to persuade people to welcome feedback. The first way forward could be using assessment as a way to encourage people to work harder and smarter, not to degrade them. There should a clear instruction on how to give constructive feedback for every teacher and employer, ensuring that they know the best method when commenting on someone's work. In addition, the process of constructing feedback should include two or more experienced people to be fair and unbias. School teachers or employers can then compare the similarities and differences of the feedback and give their own opinions.  
  
In conclusion, despite being an effective approach in education and development, evaluation is often avoided by people. The reasons for this are attributed to a vast amount of bias and unkind feedback. Meanwhile, it is vital to educate people to evaluate others properly and pupils or workers should be evaluated by two or more people.
Your ability to discuss the reasons based on relevant reasons can clearly be seen in your presentation. However, the clarity of your discussion presentation per paragraph suffers due to your desire to present too many reasons in the presentation. Each paragraph should contain only one related reason and solution per paragraph. This is because the focus of your discussion is always good in the first half of the paragraph, but then falters to the point of having under developed discussion points when you present the second reason. It is always better to be clear the first time than to be clear first then unclear later on. This creates a low C&C score for you because your paragraph, due to the under explained second reason, will be scored as an under developed discussion.
## email to the community picnic organizer

  
  
Dear Organizer,  
  
First of all, thank you taking the initiative this year again for arranging yearly get together to celebrate founders days of our country. Me and my Family spent entire day at the venue to enjoy all performances and activities that you had planned. Entire place was crowed with known and new faces which made meeting new people and catching up with fellows I knew from before very interesting.  
  
My reason to writing this letter is to bring in your attention that. there are some things we can improve in following year by making mandatory to label all the food with details about ingredients. Matter of fact, there are so many individuals like my self that are allergic to nuts and seafood. Furthermore, people who are selective with their diet choices due to their religious beliefs and some have different preferences. In my opinion, whoever Decides to bring eatables. Next year, they should make sure food is label. Moreover, making food tables separate for vegetarians, meat eaters, and another table for foods that is suitable for people who have allergies. I hope you will consider my suggestion. thank you.  
  
Kind regards,  
Victor
Kindly remember to include the writing instructions next time. I am not really sure how to review your letter since the writing instructions were not included. Regardless, the writing is choppy, lacks the use of connecting words, and shows a slight problem with your punctuation usage. You need to capitalize a word after a period. Make sure you really wanted to use a period first. If not, then merely delete the period from the sentence. If you think you haven't written your whole thought yet, then do not end the sentence with a period only to continue it without a capitalized first word in the new sentence.  
  
While the English grammar is not perfect and the sentence structure can use more work, you managed to deliver a clear representation of your ideas and sentiments. You should work more on your sentence building exercises. Focus your review for the work you did on this essay on the grammar and clarity rules / usage. Those are the problematic aspects of your presentation. Specifically, study possessive noun usage and how to write it, word usage (myself, not my self) , you should also familiarize yourself with reflexive pronoun usage. Avoid any words that will make your opinion seem uncertain. Do not forget that you are scored on opinion clarity so any uncertain words used means you will lose points when it comes to clarity of your presentation. If you improve on these writing aspects, you should be able to present a better letter the next time you are asked to write one for the Task 1 test.
## energy from coal, natural gas and petroleum

  
  
The given line chart illustrates the total quantity of electricity came from various types of energy sources, which was used to serve the needs of New York City during a twenty-year time from 1980 to 2000. It can be seen that while both the amount of eletricity produced by petroleum and natural gas experienced an upward trend, that generated by coal decreased slightly. More notably, the highest figure in the graph was more than 700 millions of kilowatt hours of electricity made by petroleum and the quantity of power developed by natural gas went through the most significant change.  
  
From the starting point of the timeline, the amount of electricity formed by petroleum was approximately 350 millions hours, which was the largest figure. In another hand, that figure of coal was about 200 millions hours and the lowest figure went to natural gas of 100 millions hours.  
  
After 20 years, the quantity of power developed by natural gas rocketed to more than 500 millions of hours, grew by 400 millions hours. The total hours of electricity profuced by petroleum also experienced a considerable rise to 700 millions, despite an dip from 600 millions to less than 400 millions in 1990. However, the hours of power generated by coal declined slightly to nearly 200 millions hours, after increased moderately to 300 millions hours in 1985.  
  
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The presentation is over analyzed. This caused you to write more than the suggested 175-190 words. At 224 words, you have written almost the minimum word count for the Task 2 essay. That leads me to assume that you wrote this essay at almost 40 minutes time allotment instead of the 20 minute specification for this task. Such a long presentation also means that you did not have the time to review, edit, and finalize your content to adhere more to Task 1 specifications. I found 17 errors in your essay covering LR, Grammar, C&C, and spelling errors. Had you written the proper word length and focused on cleaning up your essay from errors, you would not have made that many mistakes, which, when combined, will have the potential to prevent you from achieving a passing score.  
  
For the task 1 essay, say more with less words. Focus only on the presentation of the obvious data, with an analysis thrown in at least once. Twice if possible. You need to use less words because of the time limitation. Go over that time limitation and you will run out of time to complete the more complicated Task 2 essay writing test.