dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Youth unemployment - causes and consequences

  
  
It is true that the unemployed situation is faced by the young in contemporary society. There are many reasons for this, but this situation should be addressed in some practical ways.  
  
It is evident to have two reasons why unemployment has been widespread in recent decades. One reason is that young graduates lack work experience and a great number of graduates have an unrealistic expectation of career, regardless of their studying performance. For example, graduates from universities who lack life experience would negatively be a springboard to the overburden of society. Another reason is that employers are not inclined to hire young workers because those who belong to the young group do not have an outstanding contribution to firms. To specify, a great number of young workers in some countries tend to work to gain experience rather than achieving huge success for their companies that they are working for.  
  
There are several actions that individuals could take to solve this problem described above. Firstly, schools should set up more programs that enable students to have a realistic view of point about life, which is closely related to their field. For instance, tours visiting hospitals or factories would have a key factor influencing this. Secondly, businesses should have more place for an internship that young workers can apply to. To illustrate, only when the young have a good condition, will they place an importance on the companies' benefits, not to mention the advancement of the nation.  
  
In conclusion, various measures can be taken to tackle the problems that are certain to arise as unemployment is too common in the young.  
  
Thanks for reading and sound advices.
It is true that the unemployed situation is faced by the young in contemporary society  
- Upon what information is this claim being made? Are you being asked to testify to the validity of a claim in the original prompt? You were not. You were not asked to provide an opinion nor attestation on your part. Such unsupported written information creates misinformation in your prompt restatement, It removes the accuracy of your depiction of the original discussion topic and will result in percentage deductions for your TA score. It may be enough to kick off your score, based on individual scoring considerations, at a failing mark. Always strive for restatement accuracy to help increase, rather than decrease your TA score.  
  
Why did you avoid directly responding to the questions provided? The questions require a direct response in the thesis portion of the restatement as these are used to assess your understanding of the given prompt, and your ability to provide applicable responses, in English. The topic outline is a major part of your TA scoring consideration as these responses help the examiner assess the clarity of your opinion / understanding of the discussion requirements.  
  
Though you presented 2 discussion reasons in your discussion paragraph, you wasted the first sentence since you used an irrelevant sentence starter in the presentation. You should have used that sentence allowance midstream instead, using it to create a transition sentence from the first to the second discussion point. Without the transition sentence, your presentation comes across as requiring further development. Rather than the wasted first sentence, I would have written a useful transition sentence in the manner of:  
  
*It is precisely because of the lack of work experience that businesses are not inclined to hire fresh graduates...*  
  
That transition sentence helps to strengthen the first claim that you made, increasing the cohesiveness and coherence of that presentation paragraph.  
  
The solutions paragraph has an under developed first solution. It does not relate to the second reason. The second reason is more related, as a solution, to the previously presented reasoning subjects. As for the conclusion, you need to further develop that to use at least 40 words or 2 sentences. Otherwise, it doesn't come across as a properly developed and discussed concluding statement.
**SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT STUDYING AT UNIVERSITY OR COLLEGE IS THE BEST ROUTE TO A SUCCESSFUL CAREER, WHILE OTHERS BELIEVE THAT IT IS BETTER TO GET A JOB STRAIGHT AFTER SCHOOL.  
  
## DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION.**  
  
Youngsters sometimes face the dilemma of whether to continue their education or to apply for a livelihood instantaneously after finishing school. Whereas some individuals consider the latter to be more advantageous, I think the former is significantly more beneficial.  
  
The idea of acquiring an occupation straight away seems alluring to young people owing to numerous reasons. With a career, teenagers are able to earn money monthly, and thus, they can afford to purchase things they like without having to consult with their parents first. Furthermore, these youngsters may progress more speedily compared to those who continue their studies. They may gain practical experience as well as invaluable knowledge related to their fields of work. This will inevitably result in either their promotion or a successful occupation.  
  
Having said that, however, I decidedly believe that enrolling in a higher course at college or university to acquire a respectable qualification is more beneficial. In this age and day, an academic qualification from a renowned institution means better career opportunities or higher salaries. Moreover, a considerable number of professions such as pilots, doctors, and teachers, only recruit those who have undergone special training and learning for a compulsory length of time. Additionally, the job market is becoming increasingly competitive and there are hundreds of applicants for a sole position. Consequently, those without a university degree will be unable to compete.  
  
In conclusion, from my perspective, youngsters are more likely to succeed in life if they continue studying beyond school level rather than applying for a career instantly.  
  
*THANKS FOR YOUR READING AND OPINIONS IN ADVANCE.*
You are changing the source of information in the essay. The original prompt refers to "some people" and "others". These reference words should not be confused with "youngsters". However, referring to "some individuals" is a correct word replacement for "others". Alternative words for "some people" would be " public, some groups, or personages". By indicating "youngsters", you have changed the source of information, which will lower your TA score as you supplied incorrect information in your restatement. It removes the accuracy of your personal interpretation of the original topic.  
  
The discussion presentation itself is incorrect. There must be individualized discussions of each public point of view, prior to your personal opinion paragraph. The personal opinion can be stated either as an agreement and disagreement with each public opinion, included in the public opinion discussion explanation paragraph, or, as personal opinion in support of a singular point of view. The presentation you have chosen to use does not meet the formatting requirement for this task.  
  
The conclusion needs more work. Attention must be paid to the reverse paraphrase presentation that reiterates the topic, public opinions, and your personal point of view within 3-5 sentences.
## Children and tv

  
  
It is true that children have been spending a whole time watching TV programs instead of engaging in social and outdoor activities. In this essay, I would outline a number of reasons why this problem arises and provides some proper measures to alleviate this issue.  
  
The reasons for this problem can be found in the home and the development of means of entertainment. To begin with, children's personality and ability can be shaped during the formative years living with their family. However, parents who lay the foundation of one's child development nowadays are not only too engaged in their own business but also scared of children playing outside, which leads to a passive habit of children/ lack of children's social activities and interpersonal skills. For example, parents who usually spend at least 8 hours at their office to make a living are unable to monitor their kid's behaviour and activities at home, leading to unhealthy life of teenagers such as television, computer in bedroom, physical inactivity. On top of that, youngsters fall victim of a live telecast due to the proliferation of television channels. Compared to the past when most TV channels were black and white, and were limited with several programs, hundreds of channels with high-resolution graphics are nowadays available to attract potential customers like children.  
  
However, in order to solve this problem, parents should take steps to diminish the amount of time children following television incorporate with encouraging their teenagers participating in outdoor activities. Firstly, parent's guidance is essential since they can restrict the children's excessive exposure to means of entertainment such as film and video games. This is not only protecting children from being addicted to the electronic media but also is of great benefit to youngsters in nurturing childhood development. Moreover, essential life skills should be developed through some challenging programs such as team building, mountain-climbing. By putting children to the test, family and school give children opportunities to achieve an outstanding performance in outdoor activities.  
  
In conclusion, although there are several factors which cause children's passive habit of watching movie more than ever before, there are proper measures in which children should be guided and encouraged to be more active.
It is true that children have been spending a whole time watching TV  
- This is a factual claim. Do you have information from the original discussion presentation that supports this claim? If not, then do not make such over reaching statements that result in your delivering an opinion that is not based on information driven evidence from the original prompt.  
  
You have a strong topic sentence in the second paragraph, that was weakened by the use of phrase fillers (To begin with, However, In conclusion) instead of actual information. Word and phrase fillers are only used to help you meet the word count requirement. Students should be careful of using long word or phrase fillers as these do not give any actual meaning to the succeeding text. Word and phrase fillers do not have a scoring relevance. Actual data / information presentation is what matters in the overall scoring consideration.
Hello,  
I think using the adverb " However" at the beginning of the third paragraph is a bit inappropriate. "However" is used to indicates that the relationship between the two independent clauses is one of contrast or opposition and in your paragraph, I don't see any contrasting idea. Additionally, there a few errors associated with your grammar:  
  
In the second paragraph:  
- "... fall victim ~~of~~ TO a live telecast ...." ( This is a phrasal verb: "fall victim to something" so you can't just use it wrongly.)  
  
-"...and were limited ~~with~~ TO several programs, ..." ( You should use "limit to an amount or a number of things" instead of "limit with".)  
  
In the third paragraph:  
-"...encouraging their teenagers ~~participating~~ TO PARTICIPATE in ..." ( This is also a phrasal verb " encourage sb to do sth")  
-..." being addicted to ~~the~~ electronic media but..."( You don't have to use an article before" electronic media")  
- "... to achieve ~~an~~ outstanding **performance** in outdoor activities." ( In this sentence, the word" performance" means the act of doing sth, which makes it an uncountable noun so no need to add an article before it.)  
  
*That's all from me. I hope your next essay will be successful.*
**WRITING IELTS TASK 2:  
## PSYCHOLOGISTS HAVE KNOWN FOR MANY YEARS THAT COLOR CAN AFFECT HOW PEOPLE FEEL.

  
FOR THIS REASON, ATTENTION SHOULD BE GIVEN TO COLOR SCHEMES WHEN DECORATING PLACES SUCH AS OFFICES AND HOSPITALS.  
  
HOW TRUE IS THIS STATEMENT?  
HOW FAR DOES COLOR INFLUENCE PEOPLE'S HEALTH AND CAPACITY FOR WORK?**  
  
Psychologists assert that color has a significant impact on individuals' mood and they, therefore, believe that buildings should be coated with the most appropriate color schemes. In my opinion, the statement is completely true and this essay will focus on the influence color has on people's capacity for work and well-being.  
  
First and foremost, employers have been aware since time immemorial that color can have a direct connection with the success of their business. The general belief is that office workers may be unable to concentrate on their work if the office room is decorated with bright colors or eye-catchy patterns. However, in numerous workplaces, bold colors are necessary to help individuals to be more creative and effective in work. For example, my classroom is purposely painted entirely in yellow to help students come up with abundant novel and original ideas or plans.  
  
Secondly, whereas in workplaces, colors can affect the business's output, in hospitals, they have a vital effect on patients' well-being. In hospital wards, bright colors are beyond all dispute less welcome for anyone who is recovering from operations as well as illnesses. Relaxing shades such as pastel colors are used instead to create a serene and relaxing atmosphere that will help patients regain strength speedily. Having said that, a children ward is the opposite as youngsters are more energetic and imaginative compared with adults. Therefore, decorating these wards' walls with bold colors and colorful posters will inevitably produce desirable results.  
  
In conclusion, there is a direct link between colors and individuals' moods as far as I'm concerned. Thus, designers should make an effort to utilize the most suitable color scheme that will help the occupants of the room make the most out of their surroundings.  
  
*THANKS FOR YOUR READING AND OPINIONS IN ADVANCE.*
When you write your draft, always take note of the keywords that, when stated using synonyms, can help increase your LR score. In this presentation, you failed to reword the following keywords:  
  
Psychologists - psychoanalyst, psychotherapist, therapist, or disorder analysts  
Color - hue, paint, coloration, coloring  
Color Schemes - color arrangement, color compatibility, color design, color pattern, decorator colors  
  
Any of the word references to the specific original keywords would have helped to show a wider vocabulary range and word usage ability on your part. The lack of that, by using the same keywords, limited your ability to garner a higher LR score.  
  
You must avoid simply restating the instruction for the discussion in the thesis sentence. Instead, focus on responding directly to the 2 provided questions by providing your discussion topics instead. You did that for the first one ( how true...) but failed to give a topic for discussion in relation to the second question (how far does...) By not clearly responding to the questions, you failed to show a strong English comprehension skill, in relation to the TA requirement of a clear opinion (based on the response to the discussion questions provided).  
  
If you do not have room to say "Firstly, secondly, Lastly", then do not use numerical ordinals in your discussion. It is always best to use the topic sentence in that section because it sets the tone for the subject, clarity of the discussion, and extent of the topic being provided.
This is a first time i write ilets task 2. Please help me improve my writing skill. Thanks a lot!  
  
Discussion on:  
***It is more important to spend public money promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment of people who are already ill.***  
  
## To what extent do you agree of disagree?

  
  
Some people suggest that it would be good for patients to spend the budget on treatment more than spend it on preventing from diseases. In my opinion, spreading a healthy style play a important role to improve and protect both mental and physical health.  
  
On the one hand, there are some reasons that it is important for people to be treat by the budget when they get sick more than take advantage of it into prevention. The first reason, many income-low countries, most individuals spend their entire time on earning money to survive so that they have not found the importance of prevention. Another reason, a heathy style such as physical activities, balance diets or confortable mental heath help us prevent from both communicable and non-communicable diseases. But, They do not offer results clearly and people do not see it directly. On contrast, If a surgery is succeed, it will be recognized immediately.  
  
On the other hand, in my opinion. The medicine industry is divided 2 branches: treatment and prevention. It is so essential for people that nothing is possible to replace. However, If a country concentrate on more the prevention, it will develop significantly. Because of according some existing reputable surveys show that expenditures providing the treatment are ten times the prevention. In addition, the prevention from diseases is at heath-related risk safer than the treatment. Due not to suffer from a surgery which is always better than it happen even if successful  
  
In conclusion. Although, many people still want to use the budget for treatment. but, I personally support that spending public money on advertising healthy activities is always better spend it on curing.
Hello!!  
  
You have some good ideas. There is scope for improvement though. I would suggest reading and watching English soaps and movies to get a hang of words and grammar. A few corrections are given below that I would suggest.  
  
1) One glaring mistake I find in the essay is regarding the money involved. The question is speaking about "public money" which would imply the money the government uses and not from an individual citizen's/patient's pocket.  
  
2) Since you agree that spending funds on prevention is better than for treatment, allot most of your essay supporting this argument. It's a good idea to show why the opposite thought prevails as well but I would suggest to keep it to the minimum.  
  
3) Always organize your ideas in your mind and then start your essay.  
Pros of Funds in Preventive measures - Less cost compared to the other, Less suffering and mortality among citizens if emphasis is on prevention, Better utilization of resources benefitting all citizens, etc .  
  
Support these ideas with examples if possible - If the Government is investing in parks in local communities, people benefit physically through area available for walking and exercising. It also helps them to be in a good mental state by enjoying fresh air, trees, etc. This helps to reduce non communicable diseases like Diabetes, hypertension and depression.  
  
When you give an example, it solidifies your statement with proof.  
  
Keep practicing and use the above tools mentioned to improve on your grammar.  
Good Luck! :)
Hello,  
@DoctorWho has commented carefully on the content of your essay and I completely agree with @DoctorWho. Still, I would like to point out a few mistakes that you have made associated with your grammar. These errors can lower your score so I recommend paying more attention to your writing. You should spend at least 5-10 minutes to check your grammar and your vocabulary after you have finished an essay. This will help you to have a more wonderful and error-free essay.  
  
In the second paragraph:  
- "...people to be ~~treat~~ TREATED by the budget..." ( You should use the passive voice here.)  
  
- "The first reason, IN many ~~income-low~~ LOW-INCOME countries,...( In English, an adj always comes before a noun, if it comes behind, then there must be a verb between the adj and the noun, eg: income is low)  
  
- ... entire time ~~on~~ earning money..." ( There's no need for an adj here because this is a phrasal verb: spend time doing sth)  
  
( I think your idea: in poor countries, individuals spend their entire time earning money is not quite logical. You can change that sentence to " The first reason is that some individuals these days spend most of their time ... countries, especially in low-income ones)  
  
- Another reason, a ~~heathy~~ HEALTHY style ... or ~~confortable~~ COMFORTABLE mental ~~heath~~ HEALTHY...( You have misspelled some of your vocabularies here.)  
  
- ~~On contrast~~ ON THE CONTRARY/ BY CONTRAST/ IN CONTRAST, if ~~a~~ surgery ~~is~~ succeedS, it will ... ( There is no " on contrast" in the dictionary. Surgery is an uncountable noun so you shouldn't have put an article before it. Additionally, the word "succeed" is already a verb so no need for a verb "to be"  
  
In the third paragraph:  
- "... industry is divided INTO 2 branches..." ( You should use an adj here: divide into sth)  
- "... nothing is possible to replace." ( Possible to replace what?)  
That's all from me. I hope you will be more careful with your grammar and spelling.  
Hope your next essay will be successful.
Topic: (sorry for this inconvenience,but the topic are too long for me to put at the heading)  
These days, more and more people are going to other countries for significant periods of time, either to find a job or study.there are clearly many benefits to doing this, but people who live abroad can also face some difficulties.  
  
## Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of studying and working in a foreign country

  
  
Studying and working abroad are becoming more and more popular among people throughout the world. Indeed, the enormous benefits that this choice brings about are undeniable, however, Studying and working overseas still make people have to deal with frustrating and complicating problems. Now I will first consult about the pros  
  
On the one hand, Moving to a developed country to learn and work helps talented people improve themselves easier. Generally, countries having a huge degradation in the economy or are not developed, the infrastructure like and education level there would not be able to respond to people's learning and working demand. For example, people learning science, will need modern facilities like the microscope or model rocket and people who teach them have to be fully-experienced, also specialized in a clear field ;Therefore, only by studying and working overseas in other developed countries ,can people find a new place to bring out the best in them.  
  
On the other hand, differences in culture and language can cause considerable troubles. Coming to another country requires people to be a competent user in that language and able to adapt to the culture there. Consequently, with the case that people lack of possibility to communicate with the local people and also surrounding colleagues will cause unwanted misunderstanding and reducing the productivity of each individual.  
  
In conclusion, Working and studying abroad make people feel free and easier to learn a wide range of knowledge. However it still has some disadvantages which we should consider carefully before having a go to learn and study in different places.