dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
*Most country use distance-learning programmes (study material, post, TV, the Internet, etc. ) to study at home, but some people think that it cannot bring that it cannot bring the same benefits of attending college or university. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?*  
  
## Education Without Leaving Home

  
  
Nowadays, an increasing number of people are concerned about which study method is the most effective. Some people state that the distance-learning programs can impart knowledge for student by many ways ; others believe that it cannot replaced for the traditional method - which is study at school directly. My view is that even the distance - learning programs is tending to popular, but its benefits cannot overweight than attending school.  
  
First, it is clear that for most subject, learning at school will bring more effects than study at home. For instance, some special subjects such as: Languages, human resource management; which are require interactive activities and team spirit. If student study without guider or partner, they can get mistakes easily and it is hard to recognize it.  
  
Moreover, a school is society in miniature. This is because school not only provide knowledge but also promote student's physical, intellecture and emotional development. Besides it, if student study alone for a long time, they will get the heavy burden of study and lack of sleep and physical exercise. Therefore, it is crucial for student to obtain all-round knowledge and skills from school.  
  
That is not to say that student should not study by distance-learning programs. Therefore, of course, studying at home can save money; besides, with some theoretical subjects like math and geography, student can impart knowledge as effective as study at school. But still, the cons are far greater.  
  
In conclusion, studying at school can bring more benefit for student than studying at home. Meanwhile, we should not ignore some advantages of studying at home.  
  
=====  
Please give me score if you don't mind. Thank you so much.
It is unfortunate that you misunderstood the discussion requirements for this essay. You mistook the measured response essay for an advantage - disadvantage essay. This can clearly be seen when you compare the two discussion instructions side by side:  
  
*OP: To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?  
YP: My view is that even the distance - learning programs is tending to popular, but its benefits cannot overweight than attending school.*  
  
As you can see, the proper response for this essay would have been something like:  
  
*I fully agree with this statement and will support this stance by presenting several acceptable reasons.*  
  
So the TA score for this essay is somewhere within the 3 bracket. That is because the TA does not properly apply itself to the prompt instructions. You changed the prompt discussion requirements and ended up doing a comparison discussion within the body of the paragraphs. All of which combined to immensely bring down your TA score. As such, it will be difficult for you to reach the passing score of 5 with this kind of work.  
  
As it is, you still failed to properly explain your reasoning sentences within the paragraphs. The lack of proper explanation resulted in what I believe would be an additional score of 3 when it comes to the rest of the scoring requirements. The vocabulary is simple and often adequate for the sentence, but still, the lack of clarity in the discussion paragraph is a problem with your work.  
  
Overall, you really did not do a very good job at addressing the task. I guess this is your first time writing this type of essay. You should look at other examples of this type of discussion that are readily available at this forum. It should help you better understand how to respond to this type of discussion should you come across this type of presentation again.
***Happiness is considered very important in life.  
Why is it difficult to define?**  
## What factors are important in achieving happiness?*  
  
Feeling pleasure is a great achievement in everyone's life. It is obvious each individual have their own definition for happiness. This variation in perception is linked to having multiple different factors which are related to determining the level of feeling delighted among the individuals. The intinsic and extrinsic factors are generally considered to be essential in getting happiness.  
  
To begin with, as the saying goes(happiness is the state of mind). It is certainly a humans natural instinct when someone goes through a number of various positive and negative emotions during the lifetime. However,the complexity of determination the extent level of happiness which makes hard to find the major source of eternal contentment. Therefore, the individuals mindset is responsible to how can adapt or response to create happiness regardless of the external factors. In another word, being satisfied and fulfilled irrespective of the shortcomings of real life can push one toward feeling good and enjoyment.  
  
Furthermore, there are awful lots of extrinsic factors might have a great influence on our level of happiness. In spite of that they can only create temporary enjoyment. Whenever the internal happy mindset is absent the external factors can not make one happy for longer. For instance: material possession, having good relationship, decent job or being famous... Extra. These factors can provide happiness and are necessity to help one to be happy. Meanwhile, there are so many people commit suicide despite having those external sources. This point can explain that both intrinsic and extrinsic causes need to intermingle to make the true gratification.  
  
In conclusion, it seems evident being happy is not the same feeling for everyone. The individuals can see happiness from different angles. This characteristic feature of human is very complicated in order to be thoroughly comprehensive . So both the internal and the external causes can get into the mix to define ones level of happiness.
This is a very well "researched" response to the prompt. You approached the essay as a research paper instead of following the prompt instruction that asked you to discuss the essay based on your personal experience and ideas. Therefore, the essay response did not meet the prompt requirements. There are several problems with this essay:  
  
- Lack of proper prompt paraphrase  
- Lack of personal experience references  
- Lack of personal ideas or ideas based on observations of other people (Research not required)  
- Lack of the use of personal pronouns to represent information being discussed / presented  
- Lack of a proper conclusion  
  
In other words, the essay itself did not follow the prompt requirements and will be given a TA score of 4 because the format used to answer the prompt was incorrect. The minute you failed to follow the TA instructions, you already ensured that the essay that you wrote would not reach the 5 mark at all. Considering the TA score plus the other deductions that will be involved in consideration of the other rubic criteria, you will definitely not have enough points left-over to come close to a 5.  
  
Research is never required nor allowed in these essay presentations. There will not be any time for you to do research at the testing center. Mostly because there won't be any internet access since the computers will be locked down to the LAN. That's why you should not get used to writing your essays based on researched information. Trust your instinct and respond using personal knowledge / know-how.  
  
Word of advice, where the essay prompt says use your personal experience and ideas, do not do research to respond to the topic as you did here. Think about it instead. think about what makes you happy, then consider the discussion instructions, work on the final response based on that insight. Then you will properly represent the TA requirements. Focus on making sure you properly understand the topic and the instructions for the discussion so that you can get a good TA score, which will help support the rest of the scoring considerations and possibly limit the deductions your essay will receive.
## MUSIC BONDS people together

  
  
**Topic: Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?**  
  
It is believed that music has functions to form a close-knit relationship between people of different ages worldwide. I completely agree with this view for a whole host of reasons.  
  
First, music has the power to connect people coming from different cultures. It might be explained by the fact that music attracts people through its memorable melody or even strong rhythm, regardless of which languages that the songs were written in. Once listeners has loved the songs, they would be willing to find out the cultural meanings hidden deeply in these works of art. In fact, since 2000s, Korean music industry has successfully created Hallyu wave, which is also known as a rising global popularity of South Korean culture. This wave had a great impact on the young generation, a growing number of youngsters were eager to learn Korean, and chosen Korea to study oversea.  
  
Second, music sets no limit on ages. Clearly, people aged differently have various ways to enjoy music. For example, listeners in their fifties would be able to comprehend the loneliness hidden in a song, however, younger men could find the joy of being a lonely person that composer expressed in his or her music. Different sentiments of a work of art could then be shared between different generations, which is a unique way to bridge the gap between the young and the aged, and to bring people together.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that music is a magical tool that enable people to understand each other, irrespective of their cultures or ages.  
  
P/s: if possible, please help me to check my band score, by the way, i am not really confident with the examples written in the essay, could you help me with examples? Thank you.
Its a good writing with some grammatical errors.you can also add today's fusion music ,can be a way to bring together people having different tastes in music.For culture, you can talk about the advancement in technology which has given access to every genre of music to anyone having a simple internet connection. you can cite examples of famous bands of west and also our own musicians like Nusrat Fateh Ali khan,Lata Mangeshkar etc.  
  
Hope this helps
Good work. This type of writing could very well land you within the 6 band score based on the following reasons:  
  
- The TA presentation was pretty good. However, you forgot to indicate the inclusion of culture in a stand alone sentence within the paragraph. The paraphrase should be at least 3 sentences long  
  
- You present good general ideas. What you have to do is learn to limit the ideas you present in the paragraph so that you can explain yourself better in the paragraph. Practice using one topic sentence in a paragraph. One topic sentence at the start, then use 3 sentences to explain the topic. Doing so will help boost the C&C score for the paragraph.  
  
- There is a heavy focus on age in the discussion. A balanced presentation would have used one paragraph for the age discussion and the second one for the culture discussion. Separating the discussion topics per paragraph would have resulted in a more highly developed discussion, resulting in a higher C&C and GRA score.  
  
- The vocabulary you used is simple enough to get your messages across. However, the lack of proficiency in developing the sentence presentations limits your ability to use a good mix of simple and complex sentences. Your vocabulary needs some development though. There are some word usage presentations that do not fit well in the presentation. That should improve as you progress with your language lessons and writing exercises. Increase your sentence composition exercises so that you can increase your GRA score.  
  
Based on these observations, you should have a good idea of what writing areas you need to improve upon. I am confident that you will continue to increase your scores as you progress with your exercises and language proficiency classes.
***Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety.***  
  
## Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

  
  
Some people support that strict punnishments for driving crimes play a vital role in reducing traffic accidents. In contrast, other individuals espouse the idea that other measures would be more effecive in enhancing road safety. Both sides have, of course, their own merits, I think the first view is more resonable and this essay aims to prove my claim.  
  
First and foremost, strict punishments force habitants to follow right regulations. In other words, punishments have a direct influence on citizens' benefits, which is a good way to improve their awarenesses. For instance, according to Vietnamese governemtn's regulation, drivers having the level of acohols in their body will be punished more than 10,000,000 vnd, which is considered as a big ammount of money. As a result, this rule has an impact on the consumption of acohols drinks as well as helps to dicrease traffice accidents significantly.  
  
On the other hand, other measures such as the quality of road and, of course, would be effective ways to improve road safety. There is no doubt that the quality of road also has a lot of influences on road stafety. As roof, it is proved that wet surface of the road is considered as a cause resulting in a number of traffic accidents in comparision with the good quality of road. However, I still support myself that improving people's awarenesses that strict punnishments are key factors will bring more positive results to reduce traffic accidents.  
  
In conclusion, it is no denied the importance of other methods, the quality of road for example is a good ways to promote road safety. On the contrary, I firmly believe that strict publishments are main factors to reduce traffic problems.
The score for this essay will be lowered by the way that you chose to discuss the topic. For starters, you have actual cut and paste phrases from the original prompt (reducing traffic accidents, road safety.) You need to show an ability to use similar terms and phrases so that you can score well in the LR and GRA sections of the rubic. The vocabulary rand grammar / sentence presentation range will be seen in how well you can rephrase the original prompt.  
  
Next, You have to use the proper audience representative phrases to indicate that you are not yet discussing your personal opinion. Instead, the first and second paragraphs need to show that you are reviewing the public opinions in relation to your possible personal opinion. Terms such as "Public support for" or "On the contrary, some road users lean more towards..." Before saying "I believe that..." This mistakes have a direct effect on your TA score. This type of discussion will be considered as giving only a minimal response to the essay.  
  
Remember the concluding paragraph is a summary of the discussion. Restate the prompt, deliver the 2 points of view, then close with your personal opinion. That is how the essay should be ended. In this instance, your conclusion does not totally summarize the discussion you presented.
Since I don't know your whole question, I'll just be pointing out the grammatical errors.  
  
Para 1-  
"provided with better accommodations" - student's behaviour is not linked to his/her accommodation only.  
  
Para 2-  
"would ~~get~~have higher chances"  
"snowing under ~~paper~~work"  
"~~they~~ are rather ~~too~~ focused on making a living"  
"their children are left suffering from being ~~less concerned~~neglected, specifically, ~~on their feelings and strange behavior.~~for the love and care they crave for"  
"overindulgent"- correct word-overindulged  
"~~privilege~~privileged children ~~would~~ have no respect~~s~~ for their teachers"  
"time consuming for the teachers to deal with **such students**"  
  
Para 3-  
"It is the peak time for the number of poorly behavior students" - No need for such statement.  
"their time on work~~s~~"  
"more time ~~on~~with their children "  
  
Talk more about the role of teachers in student's life and you can also add about the people students hang out with which moulds their behaviour.
Since you did not provide information as to whether this essay was written as an exercise for a specific English test or if you are just writing a simple English class exercise, then the only review that you can be given is one that looks into the general grammar rules. For this exercise, I will assume you are writing in British English and review your work based on those requirements.  
  
You have made several spelling errors. You need to recognize that there are grammar and spelling differences between British and American English words and grammar rules. Therefore:  
  
(American) behaviors - (British) behaviours  
  
Try to remove terms that show uncertainty in your writing. Since this is not a comparison essay, all your words must come from a position of support and strength for what you want to say. Also, regardless of whether your are writing in British or American English, you should never use contractions such as "they're". Always spell it out (they are)  
  
These are just a few of the grammar rules errors that you have in your essay. There are more I can talk about but I need to know exactly what kind of English exercise your essay writing is being used for. Please let me know the next time you post here for a review. Thanks.
## Cell Phone Essay

  
  
**The use of mobile phone is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places so mobile phone should be banned like smoking. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
In today's world, the use of technological devices, especially mobile phone has gained in popularity day by day, which is making significant changes in the lifestyle of humans. It is sometimes claimed that like smoking, mobile phone is antisocial so that it should be banned in certain places. While I agree that the use of mobile phones has some harmful effects, I am also for the idea that it is unnecessary to prohibit mobile phones.  
  
On the one hand, I think that mobile phones can be antisocial in some ways. In my opinion, mobile phones may disturb people in some public locations such as schools or hospitals due to their boisterous sounds when receiving a phone call. Besides, the use of mobile phones can also fracture the relationship among people. For example, nowadays, individuals have a tendency to spend most of their time concentrating on a huge number of applications like Instagram, Twitter or Facebook. Therefore, they rarely hang out with friends and even focus on virtual world than interacting with people in real life, which widen gap between people.  
  
On the other hand, I also believe that the prohibition of mobile phones is inessential because of several reasons. Firstly, it is obvious that mobile devices are not as harmful as smoking since smoking contains a great deal of chemical compounds which are extremely dangerous and can exercise influence on humans' health. Secondly, it cannot denied the outweigh advantages of mobile devices which is that they not only are the fastest, most convenient ways for people to keep in touch with each other but also can make the life easier. For instance, through the navigation system in mobile phone, users can reach their destination quickly instead of using a map. This is absolutely more time-consuming than in the past.  
  
In conclusion, although I agree that mobile phone somehow can against social norms due to its disturbance and the ability of lessening face-to-face communications, I strongly support the opinion of not banning mobile devices because of their outweigh advantages to human.  
  
*Well I want to know my writing band so I can set a right aim. I'm extremely confused now so please help me :( Thanks so much.*
Please refrain using "I/me/myself".  
**2nd para**- try using more ideas and complex structures.for example you can write about " mobile phone as a distracting medium and it has become an extended part of body.people have become habitual of checking their phones every now and then." then talk about the anti social nature it is inculcating in humans. for example - sitting with friends and checking phone,more comfortable to talk virtually than meeting in person etc(talk about how it makes us antisocial).  
  
overall your 2nd para was ok,try to make complex structures and add up some examples.  
  
**3rd para**- talking about the health issues related to smoking is not relevant to topic.talk about how smoking is not acceptable in society due to the harmful effects it causes others.some words are not making sense in your paragraph like ", it cannot denied the outweigh advantages".  
  
Grammatical errors -"~~can~~ make ~~the~~ our life easier"  
" most convenient way~~s~~ "  
"This is absolutely ~~more~~ less time-consuming than in the past."  
  
**4th para**- conclusion could've been way better. " mobile phone somehow can against social norms" this is not understandable.  
  
I hope this helps.
I appreciate your comments and views about this IELTS Task 2 essay.  
  
## huge salaries to sports stars?

  
  
**Some people believe that the salaries paid to professional sportspeople are too high, while others argue that sports salaries are fair.  
Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
People have different views about the amount of money paid to top sportspeople. While there are some good arguments in favor of the idea that these athletes are overpaid, in my opinion they receive fair salaries.  
  
The main reason why many people might disapprove of high salaries of sportspeople is that they do not make much contribution to society despite their huge income. Many skilled athletes earn much more than workers in other professions, like teachers and doctors, even though their roles are not as vital as these workers. Barcelona superstar Lionel Messi, for example, took in $127 million from his salary, earnings and endorsements. By contrast, high school teachers in the United States made a median salary of $60,320 in 2018; the best-paid 25 percent made $77,720 that year. Most people believe that we should therefore value professionals such as nurses and teachers more highly.  
  
However, I believe that the best sportspeople deserve to earn a lot of money. Firstly, being a top sports player requires years of practice and hard-work, and in this regard athletes could set good examples for young people. Secondly, a sports star usually has millions of fans who are willing to pay to see him or her play. Finally, sport is a multi-million-dollar industry; there are many firms that want to use popular sportspeople for advertising purposes, by making considerable investment into advertising their products. In Lionel Messi's case, $37 million of his income came from endorsements.  
  
In conclusion, although there are good arguments against paying huge salaries to sports stars, I would argue that they deserve the money they earn.  
(264 words)