dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## "Education is not preparation for life, education is life itself."

  
We all know that the reason we go to school is to get educated. But, what is education? Education is the process of recieving instruction so as to better one's knowledge. There are two types of education; Formal and informal. Formal education is where one recieves education from a teacher or a trained professional. Informal education is a type of knowledge that one acquires from anywhere outside of school. This leads back to the question which states 'We get educated only in school'. I believe that we get educated both in and out of school. School equips us with many useful skills and is one of the only places where we can recieve formal education. However, we can also gain knowledge through interaction with others and through technology.  
  
School equips us with many values that we must apply in our lives. Without school, we wont be educated on values such as compassion, humility, responsibility, integrity, service and excellence of success. Without this values, we will not be able to do well in this society. We require this skills to be able to show our employers in the future that we have learnt something in life and have learnt from our actions and consequences.  
  
School is also one of the many few places where we can get formal education. Teachers at schools are people who have went through learning and have proven themselves worthy of being able to teach. They are given a guideline on the schools' education system and only they know what the students really need to know in preparation for an exam such as the GCSE O-Level Examinations. Informal teachers will not be able to properly equip a student for what he needs to know for his exams. They can only teach a subject based on what they know about it and not in reference to what the student needs to know.  
  
We can also gain education from interaction with people. We can acquire useful skills such as social and speaking skills. As we interact with our friends on a day to day basis. We learn how to speak properly and how to interact with people. We cannot get this gain this skill if we are sat infront of a computer all day. Without this skill of being able to properly talk to people, it will be difficult to get a job in the future. The reason that there are job interviews is because employers want to see if you have the skills that they want and whether you are educated enough for the job. This is also where are speaking skills play a very important role.  
  
In this day and age, we can also gain education through technology. Everything that we need to know is on the internet. This is why many students use the internet to get their homework done. But, if we can use it to get our homework done, who is to say that we cannot use it to teach ourselves our exam syllabus. Thus, in this 21st century, we can depend on the internet to gain education.  
  
These are the ways in which we can get educated in and out of school. But what matters most is not how we get our education, but whether or not we actually get the right information or knowledge to benefit us in our day to day and future lives.
@ama12321  
first, this essay is too long. This probably has 300-400 words. Or maybe more.  
  
This is how you made your essay  
  
Introduction  
BP1 school  
BP2 school  
BP3 interaction  
BP4 technology  
Conclusion  
  
I think you can integrate your point about school 'not' the only place for education in your body paragraph 1. Try to shorten it and be direct.  
  
You have made a good explanation with interaction and technology plus your grammar is good as well.
Amadeus, are you writing this in response to a task 2 essay or just as a part of your English lesson exercises? The reason I ask is because there are two ways of reviewing this piece of writing that you did. I can either review this as a Task 2 essay or I can just offer grammar feedback and suggestions as to how to improve your opinion presentation. It really depends upon what the purpose of your writing is. I am not really clear as to which type of writing you are trying to do so it would be better for you clarify what sort of writing this is before I proceed with advising you regarding specific considerations.  
  
In general though, this is well thought out and presented paper. It covers certain discussions in more detail than others, but then again, the discussion coverage depends upon the purpose of the writing. It does seem a bit long for an essay but then again, the length depends upon the type of writing you are doing so I cannot judge the length unless I know what type of essay you are writing and what the specific instructions for writing it are. For example, are you responding to a Task 2 prompt or an assigned class discussion? I can't just jump to conclusions in advising you unless I am clear on all aspects for consideration.  
  
Basically, you have the potential to be a good English writer. I just cannot reference other points for improvements until I am clear on what you are required to do in this piece of writing.
Hey Amadeus, you are one of the lucky few to have gotten a go signal from the admin of this forum for me to come back and give you some additional advice. It's a one time deal so let me get to it now.  
  
Your discussion is sound and shows that you applied a lot of thought to your discussion development process. In fact, the problem with your essay is not the presentation but the grammar used in some instances. In one part, you had a conflicting statement in your single sentence presentation:  
  
School is also one of the many few places where we can get formal education.  
- You cannot say that a place has many, yet few places. It is either the place has many places or few places, it can never be both.  
  
You also have a problem discerning when to use "this" and "these". "This" is used to connote a specific person or thing close at hand or being indicated or experienced. While "these" indicates a plural form of "this". Since both "this" and "these" are determiners or pronouns, it will be best for you to get more exercises in this area of English sentence development so you will learn when to use which form of the word.  
  
Save for these problems, your essay is strong and informative. You did well in the exercise as far as I can tell.
## compulsorily work for society?

  
  
**Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole.**  
  
It is considered by many that adolescents should be obligated to use their spare time for helping their residences without wages. While those people agreeargue that this idea would bring many advantages to both the community and the individuals taking part either social community and individuals, I completely disagree with this viewpoint.  
  
On the one hand, helping social community by that method is not effective. This is not an effective method to help communities. The first reason is that teenagers who are required to do unpaid jobs can feel unwilling, and they will reluctantly complete their tasks. As a result, their works might acquire a low efficiency will be sloppy and inefficient, or even being ruined detrimental. The second reason is that adolescents usually lack of skills and experience, social organizations, therefore, will waste of time guiding them before they are able to do anything.using to implement social tasks.  
  
On the other hand, teenagers should use most of their time to enhance their knowledge as well as their skills for helping their relativesnext of kin. Firstly, teenagers are usually weak on many aspects of their lives such as communication, career orientation, etc. Thus, their spare time should be used to improve their abilities by reading books, doing some small surveys relating to them ., and thisThese things areis also a good way to relax after school. Secondly, doing housework not only helps their parents but also build up teenagers' skills to live independently after 18. For example, by preparing meals for their families, adolescents can cook meals themselves when they become adults.  
  
In conclusion, although many people agree that adolescents should compulsorily work for society without payments, I do not support to this idea due to aforementioned reasons.
Thanh, I cannot say that your essay is clearly understandable nor is it cohesive or coherent in presentation. That is because you are often referring to synonym words in a manner that tells me you were unsure about which term to actually use and, you tried to use advanced English words without really knowing how to properly construct a sentence to use the words in. You are also repetitive in content in some paragraphs. These are the major problems with your essay that would most likely result in a failing score in the end.  
  
Redundancy Example:  
  
On the one hand, helping social community by that method is not effective. This is not an effective method to help communities.  
- Your clearly state the topic sentence twice in this paragraph. You could have simply said "This is not an effective method..." without using a comparison point since this is not a comparison discussion but rather a single opinion essay.  
  
GRA Weakness Sample:  
  
or even being ruined detrimental.  
- ruined = a state of decay, collapse, or disintegration.  
- detrimental = tending to cause harm.  
- The words you used in a single sentence have 2 different meanings. They do not connect and make the sentence difficult to understand. Pick one or the other. Better yet, use only one term in the sentence, never both.  
  
them ., and thisThese  
- Punctuation errors and grammar use problems. Use a period and then start with "These" instead, connoting a new sentence and statement.
*Many people believe that formal " pen and paper" examinations are not the best*method of assessing educational achievement.What is your view of examinations?  
  
## The quality of education should be properly controlled

  
  
All people admitted that taking care of the quality of education has been the most important because of its main role. In order to assess educational achievement well, the Government need to have a right method and one of a formula mentioned is formal " pen and paper" examinations. Some people said that it was not the best method. For me, I agree with this idea.  
  
Actually, there are many benefits of this test way. Assessing through out " pen and paper" is the good way for teacher to check the deeply knowledge of a student. If the pupils undestand a lesson, they will present with a right way. In contrast, it is difficult for judge to read the answer sheet. For example, the difference between formal " pen and paper" examination and online test. I have a simple exercise that " my father has two pencils, I give three pencil to my father . How many pencil does my father have?".  
  
When competitors present on the paper, they have to write that "2 plus 3 equal 5". However, they will only mark on the box that contains number 5 if they have an online test. No one can confirm that it was their thinking because it can also their guesses. Morever, more students are appreciated equal score in " pen and paper" examination than in multiple choice. No matter where contender understands, Judge will give score to competitor in essay and he will not be got any score in multiple choice, if his answer wrong.  
  
Everything has both sides. Some students have the rote learning phenomenon. It is reason why they can get high score but they can not practice in fact. Beside that, student must assume the time to present the result so fewer form question are asked to students in formal " pen and paper" examinations than in multiple choice. There fore, teacher can't assess all. In contrast, creating different form questions in an exam is the best way to assess the ability of the students.  
  
In conclusion, the formal " pen and paper" examinations are not the best method of appreciating educational level but it has many feasible things. I hope it will be supported and improved so as to become the effective way and education in many countries will develop.
Hang, your essay suffers from a lack of clarity in explanation. It is not coherent nor cohesive and causes the reader undue stress while reading it. Even after multiple readings, it is still difficult for the reader to assess what the meaning of your paragraphs are. An example of a confusing paragraph from this essay is:  
  
No matter where contender understands,(...) , if his answer wrong.  
This is one of the more extremely confusing presentations in your essay that begs the reader to ask you to explain what you mean. I think you are confused about what the purpose of the essay is. When you are asked about the pen and paper test, this is similar to an online test. When you are asked to do an oral report or respond to an oral question and answer exam, that is a different form of exam taking. Pen and paper is highly similar to online testing because computations are still required at least during the exam itself. Whether they submit their computations or not is up to the teacher or exam moderator.  
  
In this particular paragraph, I believe you just miswrote the sentence, which made is unintelligible to the reader:  
  
Some students have the rote learning phenomenon.  
What is a rote learning?  
  
I believe that your problem is that you are thinking in your native tongue and then translating it word for word to English without considering that what has a correct mean in your mother language may not have the same meaning in the English language. You need to practice thinking in English aside from writing in English. Thinking in English is what will help your work become more coherent to the reader and help you to improve your overall essay score.
100,000 people asking if they traveled abroad and why they traveled for the period 1994-98.  
  
## Visits abroad by UK residents by purpose of visit and destination

  
  
**Question:** The first chart below shows the results of a survey which sampled a cross-section of 100,000 people asking if they traveled abroad and why they traveled for the period 1994-98.  
  
The second chart shows their destinations over the same period.  
  
Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.  
  
**Answer:**  
The given table shows figures taken from a survey which recorded the number of UK residents out of 100,000 that traveled abroad and their purposes from 1994 to 1998. The bar chart depicts information regarding the mentioned travelers' destination over the same period.  
  
Overall, the majority of UK-based residents traveled abroad for recreational purposes from 1994 to 1998. It is also notable that Western Europe remained the most popular destination amongst those visitors throughout the period.  
  
In 1994, there were slightly more than 22000 UK citizens who traveled abroad, and holiday-goers accounted for about 3 quarters of the figure. This number dropped to approximately 21600 in 1995, before surging up to almost 29000 at the end of the period.  
  
As observed from the bar chart, about 18000 UK residents traveled to Western Europe in 1994, and this figure dropped accordingly to the mentioned decline in visitors, followed by a rise up to almost 25000 in 1998. Figures for travelers that went to North America and other areas also saw a slight increase, which is inconsiderable compared to that of their counterpart.  
  
*This is my attempt at a recent actual IELTS writing task 1. I did not understand the question thoroughly so I had to take a look at some sample answers and it took about 28-30 minutes for me to write this. I know I had to work harder on my planning and vocabulary to respect the time limit, but in the meantime please give any feedback to this essay, and a suggested band score if possible.*  
  
*
Hoang, you did right by reviewing the sample essay before you entered into writing your own analytical report. It helped you write a review that is closer to the required presentation. Always do that before you write a practice essay so that you will know how to better approach the presentation.  
  
Now for the weak points. Since this essay will be presented to a university lecturer, certain academic keywords need to be used in the presentation in order to give it a more academic tone. Words such as "survey results", "studies indicate", "observations have shown..." All help to show an academic analysis of the given illustration. Using the proper keywords that show respect to the position of the reader, and words that prove your academic know how can help to boost your essay score in the TA, GRA, and LR sections.  
  
Your summary overview should have indicated the information representation from the graphs as part of the data summary and discussion outline presentation. Your paragraphs have mostly very long sentences, which will be considered run-on sentences and will affect your GRA score because you will show a lack of control over sentence development and grammar presentation. Know when you cut the sentence short and do not rely on commas to complete your presentations. Try to present your information within 5 sentences per paragraph in the 4 paragraph presentation in order to fully utilize the scoring considerations per criteria. You can't go wrong by presenting more developed sentences. You can however, get a lesser scoring consideration when you use only long sentences in your paragraphs. It is more important to present statements of fact in the essay rather than presenting a string of sentences that have various information that the reader needs to keep track of.
## Food stand, restaurants or prepare and cook at home?

  
  
*Question: some people prefer to eat at food stands or restaurants. Other people prefer to prepare and cook at home. Which do you prefer? Use your specific reasons and examples to support your answer*  
  
In my opinion, I believe that people should prepare and eat at home rather than going out for restaurants. This is because eating at home is much healthier to save the money. I think this way for a couple of reasons.  
  
To begin with, preparing and eating foods at home is always better for your health than going out for restaurants or some kind of food stands. There is nothing to verify the hygiene of vegetables, meats, drinks at restaurants. If you unfortunately eat something not hygienic, your health will get troubles. My experience can illustrate this ideal. When I was a student 8 years ago, I often went out for meals at a restaurant nearby my apartment since I was too busy for studying. I felt that this restaurant did not always serve hygienic foods for customers. I remember I found something unclean and dirty on their meals several times, such as vegetables, steaks, yet I had to stay with this restaurant for a period of time since I had no choice. As a consequence, my stomach then began getting hurt after two weeks, and I even vomited. My condition at the time was so bad that I had to go to the hospital. This illustrates eating foods at restaurants is not good for your health  
  
Secondly, cooking foods at home can save a lot of money. This is because you do not have to pay any extra expense such as renting, hiring labor, laundering, and an amount of profit of the restaurant. My experience can demonstrate this ideal. After graduated from college, I often had breakfast and dinner at a restaurant close to my office since I usually worked late. The price of foods at the restaurant was pretty expensive compared to my salary at the time. After one year, I could not save much money because I realized that foods took a significant amount of money on my income. I had decided to prepare my meals at home to save cost. It was worthy since I could save up to $1,000 per month so that I could the money to do other things. This demonstrates how cooking foods at home can help to save a lot of money  
  
In conclusion, I strongly believe that people should prepare and eat foods at home. This is because it is good for health and to help them save the money.  
  
--------------------------  
  
Thank you for helping me  
  
Lam Tran
I'm an IELTS learner so there could be some misunderstandings when I look at your essay, forgive me if there is any. Anyhow, here's what i suggest to improve it:  
  
- You are supporting your opinion in the introduction: "This is because eating at home... ". I don't know TOEFL rules, but this is inappropriate in an IELTS essay  
  
- Save ~~the~~ money  
- eating food~~s~~ (this error appears throughout the essay)  
- Get trouble~~s~~  
- I don't know if it's common to use personal experiences to prove your points in TOEFL, but this is strongly discouraged in IELTS writing  
  
- I could *use* the money to  
- can help *us* ~~to~~ save a lot of money  
- avoid repetition: "save money", "demonstrate",...  
  
That's what I can suggest to improve your essay now :)
@hphuc123@Maithanhhang  
  
Thank you for your support. The sentence above should be "This is ... healthier AND to save the money", I missed the word "AND" in the middle.  
  
@hphuc123  
  
Regarding to TOEFL's criteria, your response of both writing and speaking section could be either your personal experience or a made-up story, which means a lie. It is acceptable in the TOEFL test.
Hi Lam, the essay is asking you for your personal preference or choice in this instance, as to whether you prefer to eat at a restaurant or at home. In your response, you gave an opinion based on a general / public consideration instead of the personal choice as indicated in the essay. The fact that you are to discuss a personal choice is indicated in the question  
  
Which do you prefer?  
Then the essay asks you to discuss or defend your preference based solely on your personal experience or knowledge. So the parts of the essay that give an opinion about how you believe that people should prepare foods at home, that is not the point of the essay. The discussion point is only based on a personal choice / decision. There is nothing in the essay to indicate that you need to present a persuasive argument to convince others to do the same as you do.  
  
In my opinion, your first body paragraph needs to be adjusted to reflect the required elements of the prompt which is your personal discussion based on personal experience. Even if you make up the information, it still has to focus only on you instead of the public. Due to the existing strengths of this essay though, I believe that you can get a score of at least 3 with this type of writing.