dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***Governments spend millions of dollars each year on their space programmes.Most recently, Mars is the focus of scientists' attention.  
Some people think this money would be better spent on dealing with problems closer to home. Do you agree or disagree?***  
  
Although developing the space programmes indicates that the country which is concerned to space is rich, the government may help people as many as possible if having much money. I agree with the idea that the money should be better spent on dealing with problems closer to home.  
  
Some people argue that the government should use money for welfare. This is because the difference between rich and poor is extending, so it is hard for poor to live in daily life and the power of nation is declining. Administration has the obligation that the difference shrinks and every people can enjoy their life. The United States and the USSR face deficit because of spending money for their space programs too much.  
  
On the other hand, the opponent argue that the government ought to promote developing space programmes. Exploitation is meaningful for people to be rich in the future. In fact, mobile phone is available all over the world because there is satellite in space. Achieving space programmes is helping our daily life. However, the government have to spend money noticing the balance between space programmes and welfare.  
  
In conclusion, I believe it is useful for many people to be spent on dealing with welfare and medical care. Governments should tackle with their space programmes with energy to spare.  
  
(218 words)
Naoki, the essay asked you to agree or disagree with the statement. While you did discuss both sides of the issue in an informed manner, you did not accurately represent your agreement with side that you chose to support. Since an essay normally has 5 paragraphs, the 4th paragraph should have been a defense of the side that you support based upon your personal reasons for choosing this side. That creates a well developed discussion for the essay since all sides are represented in the discussion. Merely saying that you agree with a particular side in the opening statement does not qualify as a complete and valid argument in support of your chosen position.  
  
When you revise this essay, and as you write your future essays, keep in mind that you must properly discuss your personal opinion when it is asked for in the prompt. Don't just say "I agree" and leave it at that. A complete essay provides an informed discussion. This essay, only presents a partial discussion. So there is room for improvement if you decide to revise the essay.
Hello  
You have a good summary  
I have some corrections for you  
  
... country which is concerned ~~to space is rich~~**about the wider of space**, the government ~~may~~**can** help many people ~~as many as possible~~ if they having much money.  
  
... difference between rich and poor is ~~extending~~**too far**, so it is hard for poor people to ~~live in daily life~~**survive** and *the power of nation is declining*(*You have explain more about this*).  
  
... obligation that the difference ~~shrinks and every people can enjoy their life~~ economic of people still can enjoy their life. The United States and the USSR ~~face deficit~~**experienced decrease** because of ~~spending money~~**expenditure** for their space programs too much.  
  
In fact, **mobile phone all over the world**~~is available~~~~all over the world~~ is available because ...  
  
... useful for many people to ~~be~~ spent on dealing with ...  
  
I think you can start the first sentence with the main idea.  
You should write at least 250 words.  
I think better you choose to agree or disagree totally.  
For better structure in body paragraph you can firstly paraphrasing the idea, reason, example and brief conclusion.  
Too many repetitive words like welfare, spent, maybe it can be changed into new words
Hi Naoki, as I go through your essay, I must say,there is a little bit of issue on clarity in your ideas, what I mean is, when you are writing an argumentative essay, you should not only create or write two sides of the puzzle, you should present which side you favor the most, this is because in the first place, it is an argumentative essay and in the end there should be one side that is more dominant then the other. Don't get me wrong, you did agree on spending the governments money but the clarity of the idea can still be enhanced.  
  
Having said that, I would like share a few enhancements;  
  
- the country ~~which is concerned to space~~ is rich,  
- the government ~~may~~should pay attention to help  
- people in as many ways as possible  
- ~~if having~~with so much money that the government have .  
- spent ~~on~~in dealing with problems closer to home.  
  
- poor is ~~extending~~outstanding ,  
- so it is hard for the poor to live in a daily life  
- and the power of the nation is declining.  
- The administration has the obligation  
- ~~that~~for the difference to shrink~~s~~ and every people can enjoy their life.  
  
There you have it Naoki, I hope the above remarks and insights are helpful.
***In some countries it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree?***  
  
There is no doubt that smoking in the public is such a disturbing activity for other people. I firmly agree that smokers should find other places to smoke since this is a respective behavior and it would reduce the risk of people to suffer smoke-related disease.  
  
The smokers should have the big awareness when they intend to smoke since the smoke of their cigarette upset other people. They get to realize that in the public, everybody has the same right to do what they wish. It is obviously seen in the crowd place, when a smokers start to smoke, other people around them start to stay away or close their nose because of the uncomfortable feeling caused by the smokers. The respective behavior to leave the building for the smokers who will flame their cigarette is really needed to help their surrounding breath freely.  
  
Another reason why the smokers should be banned to smoke in the crowd place as to help inhabitant keep fit without suffering any disease related to the smoke such as lung cancer and asthma. The bad effects of cigarette smoke not only harm the active smokers, but also the passive smokers. In addition, people who already suffer lung cancer or asthma make their disease getting worse when the smokers smoke in the same building with them. The diseases affected by the smoke is one of the worrying effects felt by the citizen, hence the smokers should help to reduce the gradual affect by smoking in the right smoking area.  
  
In conclusion, I am completely support in letting the smokers find another place to smoke since it is surely a kind of respective manners towards passive smokers and a risk to suffer smoke related disease will be decreased.
Russel, I am not sure what you mean by the constant use of the word "respective". It does not fit in the overall context of the sentence / paragraph. What exactly are you trying to say? Do you mean that smokers should "respect" non-smokers? If you mean that, then change the word to "respectful" or "respect" depending how you need to use it in the sentence. Those sentences need to be improved in order to clarify your meaning or reasoning. Your conclusion needs to be better developed. It cannot be just a single, long closing sentence. You will lose points for that. Look at the samples here in order for you to get an idea as to how to better conclude your essay.  
  
Overall though, you have shown that you understand the prompt and are capable of offering an insightful discussion, based on facts, regarding the topic presented. The proof of your comprehension skills, regardless of the problem with the grammar is sure to earn you some consideration on the part of the examiner when it comes to your final score.
## Making Peanut Butter

  
  
The sophisticated processes of making peanut butter from harvesting the peanuts to packaging the product into the jar are illustrated in diagram. As is observed, there are eight steps in the processes of producing peanut butter, those are started from harvesting, shelling, roasting, cooling, blanching and grinding.  
  
The first step, peanuts which have been harvested , will be shelled one by one before entering roasting process. After the shells are removed from the nut and discarded, the next process is roasting in large machines to cook them. Afterwards, the cooling process will be started by declining the temperature of peanuts. Then, the nuts which have been cooled, will enter the blanching step in order to kill bacteria and also makes it easier to detach the skins of nutshell. Following this, the nuts pass through rubber rollers which removes the skin so that they are ready to be grinded. The peanuts will be ground twice. Before entering (being undertaken) the second grind process, the peanuts will be mixed with 2% salt, dextrose, and oil mixed. Finally, peanut butter is ready to be packed in jars and ready for sale.  
  
*
Hello @hanimps97,  
  
Here are some feedback:  
  
... butter from harvesting ~~the peanuts~~ to packaging ~~the product into the jar~~~~are~~is illustrated in diagram.  
---> If I were you, I would delete the words in blue, because it makes the sentence too long and wordy.  
  
... eight steps in the process~~es~~ of producing peanut butter~~, those are started from~~: harvesting, ...  
  
~~The~~~~f~~F irst ~~step~~, peanuts which have ...  
  
Then, the nuts ~~which~~ that have been cooled,...  
  
Hope this helps!
Allona, your essay is not responding to the prompt requirements at all. What you wrote is a justification essay and not a personal statement that is aligned with the prompt requirements. Information such as your grandmother becoming ill, your failing nursing school, taking the NCLEX are all unrelated information. None of these are required by the prompt. Let me try to give you some hints as to how to better respond to the prompts.  
  
Prompt 1: **Describe what high school or undergraduate experiences sparked your interest...**  
The response to this prompt would be any sort of volunteer activity related to nursing such as your volunteering your free time to help out at a nursing home, or working part time in a clinical facility as an assistant of sorts. The exposure you had on the job as you watched your grandmother will also qualify, provided you can justify that this happened while you were in high school and indicate some sort of help that you gave her while you were observing her.  
  
Prompt 2: **Describe a unique event in your life that has left a lasting impression and why ...**  
You should develop the following paragraph because it can help you respond to the prompt:  
*In the middle of second semester my grandmother got sick. I was very nervous about it. We were very close. I did not see her in many years because I was attending school full time and working part time. My grandmother and I kept in touch, I was telling her about my clinical experience and my grandmother explained some things to me. She always supported me and I wanted to help her.*  
  
The rest of the information about your failure in nursing school, being unable to graduate, etc. are not required information and should not be read in the essay. Just respond as best as you can to the provided prompt. That tells you what the reviewer wants to read about and should see in the essay. Don't add unnecessary information.
IELTS Writing Task 2..  
  
You should spend 40 minutes on this task.  
  
**Do you support that the nuclear technology should be used for constructive purposes?  
  
Use your own knowledge and experience and support your argument with examples and relevant evidence. Give reasons for your viewpoint.**  
------------------  
  
Nuclear Energy has been globally spoken for the past few years. Some people argue that the nuclear technology could be used for the sake of development. It can be true but I totally disagree of this idea and in this essay I will support my opinion with examples.  
  
Primarily, nuclear accident is one of the main concern regarding the use of nuclear technology. Despite the high level of sophistication of safety system that the technology have, human and environmental aspects always get the impact when unexpected event occured. For example, chernobyl nuclear accident which was claim as the worse nuclear accident ever cause a mass sacriface of humankind and environment. Another reason is that there is some difficulties in the management of nuclear waste which takes many years to eliminate its radioactive and risk. It will also have a bad impact for the surrounding if the waste poorly manage.  
  
In contrary, people believe that nuclear could be beneficial for advancing several medical technology. For instance, the invention of radiopharmaceutical and radiation therapy technique for the treatment of malignant tumors.  
  
In conclusion, although there is a chance to expant nuclear technology, I believe that it is too dangerous to implement it without putting human and enviroment in line. Personally, I think that another alternative technology which is much safer should be discovered and implemented.
HI Debby ...  
  
here some suggestions for your writing  
  
first of all, it is writing task 2, so you need to write at least 250 words on it, if it less, you writing will be disqualified  
  
accident which was claimed as the ~~worse~~worst nuclear  
  
there ~~is~~are some difficulties in the management  
  
which takes many years to eliminate (plural, it refers to some difficulties)  
  
your body 2 is too short....  
  
always do your best  
Best wishes
Hello  
You have a good summary  
I have some corrections for you  
  
... main concern regarding the ~~use~~**utilitize** of nuclear technology. Despite **of**~~the high level of (...) that the technology have~~**technology has a high level of sophistication of the system**, human and environmental ~~aspects~~ always get the impact ...  
  
... waste which takes many years to ~~eliminate~~**remove**~~its~~ that radioactive and risk.  
  
In contrary.... (*You have explain the body 2 clearly and totally.*)  
  
... to implement it without ~~putting~~ role of human and ...  
... technology which is ~~much~~ safer *you can added the comparison with the previous energy like than before.***It** should be discovered and implemented **for the future**.
1 introduction, 2 body paragraphs for more details, and 1 conclusion.  
  
In the contemporary society, the number of all types of schools even including colleges and universities have significantly increased from the past. People believe this is happening because most of them have realized how important an early education is for their children. Schools are considered to be good places for children to learn creative and new knowledge, and build relationships with others. As what was just said, there are a variety of good reasons for attending schools. Among those reasons, I would like to point out two greatest advantages of schools that can be offered to many individuals, not only just children. They are amazing places to improve your interpersonal skills and to acquire jobs through learning practical or basic academic education.  
  
First of all, it is an undeniable fact that schools are perfect institutions for people including children to build strong relationships with others. They are given lots of opportunities to meet new individuals with different thoughts or mindsets as they enter their class rooms. This is really important since interpersonal skills can be improved and thereby students are able to understand and get a better perception of how others think about a particular topic. For example, lots of people probably have experienced a number of interactive class activities usually started by their teachers or instructors. Basically all of them are recommended to form a group and accomplish a given task with others. From this exercise, people will become aware of how to efficiently perform a team work. Some of them might even gain invaluable benefits such as leadership skills.  
  
Secondly, parents send their children to schools simply for basic academic education. Schools are known for their generous helping in terms of teaching students about various subjects such as mathematics or history and discovering their talents early in their childhood. If a student shows a great talent at drawing, arts, or designs in an elementary school. He is likely to become a great artist or possibly apply for jobs that are deeply associated with subjects in which he is really interested. Schools are not only good because of those but also teach them practically; therefore, they can start earning money as quick as possible.  
  
To sum up, schools are integral part of people' life because interpersonal skills can be significantly enhanced there and basic education can support someone early in their childhood to discover their true talents. What matters the most, however, is the amount of effort each student put into their tasks in order to succeed.
Rick, you have shown a very good understanding of the prompt that was given. The essay you presented followed the format to the letter and in the process, you achieved a well discussed and presented written piece. However, there are a number of grammatical errors present that should be addressed in order to beef up the presentation of the work.  
  
In ~~the~~ contemporary society, the number of ~~all types of~~ schools ~~even including~~ , colleges a...  
Schools are considered ~~to be~~ good places for children to learn ...  
~~As what was just said, there~~ THERE are a variety of good ...  
~~Among those reasons,~~ I would like to point out THE two greatest advantages ~~of~~ schools ~~that can be~~ offer~~ed~~ to many individuals, not ~~only~~ just children...  
  
... for people , including children ...  
... be improved ~~and thereby~~ SO THAT students are able to understand and ~~get~~ GAIN a better perception of how others think ~~about a particular topic~~ .  
  
... interactive class activities usually ~~caused~~ TAUGHT by their teachers or instructors. Basically ~~all of them are recommended~~ THE STUDENTS ARE ENCOURAGED to form a group ...  
  
From this exercise, people ~~will~~ become aware of how to efficiently perform AS a team ~~work~~ .  
... gain ~~in~~ valuable benefits ...  
  
... to schools ~~simply~~ for basic academic education. Schools are known for their generous help~~ing~~ in terms ...  
... those but also teach them ~~practically~~ PRACTICAL LESSONS THAT CAN BE USED IN EVERYDAY LIFE; ...  
  
... schools are AN integral part of people'S ~~life~~ LIVES because interpersonal ...  
... and basic education can ~~support~~ HELP someone early in their childhood ~~to~~ discover their true talents.  
... however, IS the amount ... each of student putS into their ...
Hi Rick, I would like to share a few insights for your essay.  
Right of the bat, I must say that you started quiet strong in this essay, you made sure that you cover all the basis of essay writing, the introduction, the body and the conclusion, this is a very strategic writing approach.  
  
However, the succeeding paragraphs, the 3rd and the conclusion is not as strong as it started, having said that, below are a few suggestions.  
  
There yo have it Rick, overall, it is a well managed essay and a little revision will definitely make it better.
Hello again, justivy03!  
  
"However, the succeeding paragraphs, the 3rd and the conclusion is not as strong as it started, having said that, below are a few suggestions."  
  
=> Yes, I must admit to that. Mostly I have spent my time practicing to build better introductions and body paragraphs so the conclusion part is hardly my specialty. At some point after finishing an introduction and two body paragraphs, I normally have no idea of how to continue and what to write at the very end in the conclusion. Perhaps I need to make my focus last just a little bit longer until an essay reaches its end.  
  
Anyway, thank you for correcting errors in this essay. Your feedback really reinforces the expression of my ideas in writings.
***In many countries, children are engaged in some kinds of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as a valuable work experience.***  
  
children taking a paid work are in the increasing rate in many countries. some people believe that it will be useful for their life in the years of come, whereas other people say that it should not be allowed. while a valuable experience will be obtained by the pupils, i am more likely to emphasize that children is much better to spend their golden age by seeking knowledge as earn money should not be their responsibility.  
  
It is often said that children working while they are studying would gain much more experiences. this is because they are involved with various activities which are highly beneficial for their future life. They have known how to find the solution of their expenditure because they had been a part of it. Besides, children doing a paid job will meet new people who had much worth experience where children can learn from them. In addition, children will gain other precious learning about life such as create the sensitiveness of their surrounding since they know that money is not that easy to be earned, hence it makes them more appreciate for every single things of their life. The under age children will be so influenced by their paid job experience in the years of come.  
  
On the other hand, some people believe that in children age, they should not do any kinds of job as their parents are the one who should earn money for them. In addition, children age should be the stage for them to socialize with their peers by going to school or playing games. Children who working even for part time surely will not focus on their study due to the reason their mind should think about their job which had become their other priority. Child development should be used for seeking knowledge for them to be more preparing about their future as an educated people.  
  
It seems to me that having a job for children is totally unacceptable. Working is not suitable for their age since the working risk will affect their health. In addition, children's mentality should not be forced to think hard , thus resulting in stress suffered by them. Therefore, it is true that children should be encouraged to study solely.
First off, I really like the points that you've made but I think you can maybe organize it to be a bit less repetitive.  
  
Here are some things I think you can add to your final paragraph to sound a bit less harsh because you never know who will be reading this:)  
  
I firmly believe that students should focus mainly on building their education because at such a crucial age of development, kids should take advantage or every learning experience. While working can be beneficial and help build character, it's important to place that as a second priority.