dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains cities while others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport.  
  
DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION.**  
  
## High-Speed Rail or Existing Public Transport?

  
  
As the prices are rising on everything in our daily life, so do the renovation of the public transportation. Moreover, the newest technology release rapidly and it might appear much faster than the construction of any mass transportation. Thus, there are various opinion whether we should spend large amount of money on new high-speed rails or on improving existing ones?  
  
The supporter of new transport systems advice that the transportation plays and essential role in countries' development and economic improvements. Furthermore, there are potential risks of existing transportation which might waste time or increase air pollution. Therefore, it is firmly recommended to invest a fortune for the brighter future. While the opponents suggest that the modern technology is at high-pace development and it is possible leading to dangerous incidents without well-trained staffs to manipulate the systems. Rather than investing money on the new transport, it is more likely important to maintain and improve what systems we have now.  
  
There was no high-speed rail in my country years ago and there were plenty of people against this project initially because of its millions of US dollars' cost. However, after it was built, it brought not only practical convenience between cities but also developments along numerous stations. Meanwhile, we also continue maintain the existing systems to make up the missing areas where is not reachable by high speed rail. From my point of view, I can only partly agree both statements. On the one hand, it is no doubt that it requires huge investments in new public transports. On the other hand, we should not therefore abandon existing system.  
  
In conclusion, we should use strengths of high-speed rail to compensate for shortcomings of existing transportation and vise versa.  
  
(285 words)  
  
Ps. I appreciated who takes the precious time helping me on my essay :)  
By the way, I wasn't so sure whether I should take example in this essay because it stated under the question box:  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
**Right off the bat, you should be wary of your usage of verbs because of the tenses.** You can easily fix this through revising your text to have more appropriate forms. If you want to evade this issue altogether, **I would recommend try having simpler structures in your essay to have more flow in your essay**. What I mean by this is that you should try to be more straightforward when it comes to curating content.  
  
For instance, if I were to revise the introductory sentence of your first paragraph, I would revise this as:  
*The constant rise of prices of everyday goods comes with the need to renovate public transportation.*  
  
Notice how instead of using a comma and a non-conventional format for the sentence, I tried to make a clear-cut structure that is just one line. Having this concise composition can transform your writing. Moreover, I had also removed the usage of articles (the) when it's unnecessary. Doing this can help cultivate that straightforward articulation.  
  
We can apply this as well to the succeeding sentence. I can revise this as:  
*Moreover, the rapid advancements in technology has overshadowed the construction of mass transportation.*  
  
Knowing how to use words to be able to cushion your thoughts into smaller chunks of text will be useful when you're writing for essay tests like IELTS because you are essentially bound by the word count.  
  
When you're making an argumentative essay, it is also *not essential* for you to mention that there is a supporter and an opposition. You can simply mention that *there are advantages and disadvantages*. This latter format is better because it is more appropriate when you are making academic essays.  
  
Try to be wary of your usage of verbs as well; always make sure that the words you are using are the appropriate ones. For instance, manipulating the system (second paragraph) can be interpreted *differently than how you have phrased/intended it* this way. What you can say is that the staff do not have the appropriate training to manage the complexity of the system. Saying it in this manner uses a more appropriate terminology.  
  
What is being asked for when they ask you to incorporate examples is for you to substantiate the context. For example, if you believe that the allocation of government budget should be focused on public infrastructure and transportation, you can mention a country that has implemented policies that reflect this - and then proceed to link your arguments to the overall context of the essay.  
  
Best of luck.
Hi everyone, I am practising my writing. I would be thankful if you give me any comments.  
  
**IF YOU HAD THE POWER TO CHANGE ANYTHING IN YOUR COUNTRY, WHAT WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO CHANGE AND WHY?**  
  
## the transit systems

  
  
There are many things i want to change: poverty, corruption, education,... However i am just going to choose one out of these to discuss in details which is the infrastructure, especially the transit systems.  
  
The number of public transport in my country is too small. Although we do have trains but they are now a hundred years old from the French colonial period. We haven't been able to create our own trains. Moreover, to commute in a city, it is unnecessary to use trains. Therefore, there is only bus when talking about public transport. The amount of buses is not enough to serve all people in the city. Moreover, buses have very poor quality and bad service attitude. The bus drivers often drive carelessly and always honk loudly.  
  
Therefore, people tend to use their personal vehicles which are cars and motorbikes for convenient commuting. Having many alleys in the cities results in the preference in using motorbikes. This leads to the overwhelming of motorbikes which causes heavy traffic jams at peak hours. The air is then extremely polluted by vehicles' dust and with the heat of this season, people are all exhausted whenever going out. The drivers easily get tired and frustrated which might cause unnecessary street rages.  
  
Eventually, If i had the power to change anything in my country, i would change the transit systems. I would cut off the number of personal vehicles by providing people with much more better public transport. The roads would be larger . There would be sidewalks anywhere needed. More than that, all the vehicles would be smoke-free. Not only this would help to clean the environment but the citizens would also be healthier and happier living in the fresh air.
In the first place, loads of informal language, perhaps this kind of register can be used in TOEIC writing, but, it is still rather informal, contractions, uncapitalised 'I' and so on.  
  
Some of your sentences are really unnecessary, for instance, *people tend to use their personal vehicles ~~which are cars and motorbikes~~ for convenient commuting.* , I mean, everybody knows what public transport is and what private cars are, you don't really need to elaborate on that imo.  
  
Also, you need to improve your overall cohesion and consistency.  
  
Regards,  
Angyang
@Krystal318  
**Try to be more formal with your language.** I have noticed that there were instances wherein you could have used better phrasings to make your essay appear more put-together.  
  
Let's take a look at your first paragraph. Not only is it lacking the brief introduction that is usually necessary when you're establishing what the content and thesis of your essay is going to be, but it also was quite informal. When you're curating your sentences, you can always opt to have more academically correct structures.  
  
If I were to revise this, I would place it as:  
*There are numerous issues that engulf [country name]: poverty, corruption, educational system, and others. If I were to choose one to discuss, it would be infrastructure. In particular, I would change the transit system.*  
  
Notice how I had tried to incorporate more of the right punctuation alongside structuring the essay with a step-by-step flow. Dividing your complex sentences into separate portions can improve the quality because it shows more distinction and levels of argumentation.  
  
On your second paragraph, I would say that you should try to rephrase your opening line. It appears to be timid when you just mention that you the number of public transport is too small. What you could say is, for instance, that the public transportation system is inaccessible in other portions of the country. Phrasing it this way gives a more direct problem rather than just mentioning numbers. You should also try to be more descriptive when you are trying to explain a problem. **Try incorporating more adjectives in your essay, for example.**  
  
Your verb tenses also have a tendency to be all over the place. I recommend that you try to be more consistent with it, especially in your third paragraph. If you can do this, you will be able to evade these small mistakes that negatively impact your essay.  
  
Best of luck.
***Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?  
## It is the teacher's responsibility to make a student learn the material.***  
**Use specific details and examples to support your answer.**  
  
For some, learning new things comes as natural as breathing, but for others, the learning process can become one of life's hardest parts. It's in this case that the question regarding responsibilities arises: who's fault is it that the student didn't learn the subject? One may say that it's the teacher's duty, but for me personally, I believe this responsibility relies on the student, due to the fact that each person has a choice to augment their knowledge by learning new things.  
  
The first reason I believe students are responsible for learning the subject is because they are the ones that have a goal in mind, and studying just gives them the tools to reach it. Even when studying becomes a goal in itself, the process of learning is a means to an end. For example, when I was in high school there were subjects that I didn't enjoy studying, nevertheless I studied them because it was in my best interest to get the best grade I could, so that in the future I would've a better starting position to finding a better job or being accepted in a good university.  
  
Additionally, the responsibility for learning the subject relies in the student because he is the only one capable to retain the information that is given. Even if the teacher makes all the efforts humanly possible for their students to learn and teaches the material in the best way possible, at best it will only be a guide for the student. There's no way the teacher can force a student to learn and retain information, because he doesn't have the power to control what information each one retains in their brains. In the end, each and every one of has has the choice to incorporating new knowledge or not.  
  
Finally, students are responsible for learning the material due to the fact that the best learning there is comes from a personal process. In my experience, the learning process that has yielded the best results does not always comes from the teacher or other people, but from myself. Doing a lot of practice, be it exercises, reading or other things, I believe that one can best retain the information when you practice by yourself. There is no better way to really prove you have learnt something than by facing a problem alone and solving it using your own thinking and tools acquired through the learning process.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that students are responsible for learning the subject due to the fact that they are the only ones capable of making the choice whether to augment their knowledge by learning new things. This is for the reasons explained above, such as individual goals, capabilities to retain information and that teachers are guides for the learning process.
Great essay and writing. I applaud your fluidity when it comes to writing. I do have a couple of content-related recommendations that I think could be beneficial for your essay's overall quality.  
  
While you have sufficiently argued when it comes to tackling the issue of how it's a personal responsibility to learn, you should learn to balance out your thoughts. This can help legitimize and substantiate your concerns when it comes to writing. Remember that when you are writing essays such as this that are argumentative at best, you should try to elaborate through touching on the fringes of the other side of the coin. Doing this can massively improve what you have now.  
  
I recommend that you try to elaborate more on the boundaries. I am assuming that you are well-aware that it is not solely the isolated responsibility of the student to learn, especially not in a classroom-based setup. Discuss when and where the responsibility of the teacher ends when it comes to learning. You touched this a little bit in your third paragraph when you went on discussing about how teachers cannot force students to learn. You can go in-depth to the limitations of the teacher.  
  
I would also recommend that you try to be more exploratory when you are referencing to examples. Discuss the impact of both sides when it comes to their differences in approaching prospects in the future. How different is a self-learned student from a fully guided one when it comes to risk-taking? How about when it comes to overcoming adversaries? Does the act of self-teaching enhance one's self-confidence when it comes to being competent and independent?  
  
Best of luck.
Thanks a lot for your comments, I didn't think I would get such a great and in-depth response to my essay. Your suggestions do make a lot of sense and I will try my best to incorporate them in new writings.  
  
As you well said, I'm aware that not all the responsibility relies on the student, and to be honest, I've been lucky enough to learn from exceptional teachers that helped me not only in a subject-related area.  
  
I have to say though, I was a little confused about what's expected of the essay. Initially I thought that going all in was the best way to go, but perhaps a better approach would be to explore the other side of the coin.  
  
Again, thanks a lot.
## Essay about tuition-free university

  
  
I hope to receive feedback on my writing. Thank you very much.  
**Some people think that everyone has the right to have access to university education, and that government should make it free for all students no matter what financial background they have. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?**  
  
Many argue that state and local authorities should offer tertiary education to all students with no charge, regardless of their financial conditions. While I accept that it would bring about some benefits, I believe that the government should consider financial support to the right people, not for all.  
  
On the one hand, there are several reasons why universities should be easier to attend without tuition fees. Firstly, although some students have high academic achievements in high schools, they could not enter universities due to prohibitively expensive costs. Monetary matters become obstacles on education paths and future career paths of these students. Secondly, attending universities without fees would encourage people to pursue higher education, and get high qualifications. As a result, there would be more quality labors with professional knowledge and skills gained from courses in colleges.  
  
On the other hand, I suppose that only students getting high achievements have opportunities to receive fee concession. Universities demand a huge budget to operate smoothly. Therefore, if it is free for all students to attend classes, there will be a heavy financial burden on the government to provide enough money to every university. Furthermore, offering scholarships or fee exemption to students gaining good marks is a good way to motivate other ones to attempt to improve their performance. For instance, those who regularly get average results can spend more time doing research and reading books to become top students to grant scholarships.  
  
In conclusion, although tuition-free universities do have some benefits, I believe that financial support should be granted only for those who have top academic performances.
I think that in terms of content and structure, your essay is quite topnotch. Most of my recommendations/suggestions are made for you to optimize the space that you have for your essay.  
  
**Firstly, I think that you should try to evade or minimize your usage of words that do not contribute to the essay.** What I mean by this are filler words (usually adjectives) that do not substantiate the content. While oftentimes adjectives are acceptable, when you have topics like this that do not require a descriptive answer, you can opt to eliminate them to avoid being too lengthy. This is especially useful if you're working with test essays (IELTS) because you are working with a word count. Try to create sentences that are more concise to help you in this manner.  
  
In your second paragraph, for example, I can revise your second to third paragraph as:  
*Firstly, although there are a few academic achievers in high school, they can't get into universities because of the expenses. Monetary matters are obstacles to education and career paths of students.*  
  
Notice how instead of mentioning students and high schools separately, I tried to incorporate and condense it more in that sentence. I've also merged together education path and career path because they are under the same platform here. There is also no need for you to mention that the career is in the future as the thesis of the paragraph already mentioned that it is for high school.  
  
Moreover, I would also suggest that you try to use more appropriate structures when you're constructing your sentences. For instance, if we take a look at your third paragraph, we can noticeably see that you were trying to utilize transition words in almost every sentence. While these words are useful, they sometimes clutter your essay and hinder a smooth, organic transition between your sentences. I would recommend removing the therefore in front of your third sentence and instead using a semi-colon. **Using forms of transition such as this can help build more dynamics in your essay.**  
  
Keep this in mind as you are writing. Good luck!
## too much of negative news

  
  
Nowadays, when the world is developing rapidly with high technologies and convenient media means, it's impossible to avoid all of negative information which happens around our life. In my opinion, it is unnecessary to minimize them or worry about their influences to people's activities.  
  
Firstly, bad news is edited by journalists and editors with an aim to reflect social reality. Once the people know the reverse of society, it seems to be a nudge to adjust their manners and simultaneously prevent negative ideals from extremists in time. For example, the news about American parents used their money to lift their children's college test scores is likely to ring a belt for American education as an evil need to be considered. Moreover, through this kind of news, the people know how to sympathize more. In shootings in New Zealand Christchurch- a bloody event, millions people in the world pray together.  
  
Secondly, the people with sufficiency of metal knowledge can take responsibility for their decisions. There is millions of news posted in a day, some are good, some are bad. The people approach all of them to have objective visions and even preparation for themselves. Let's think about how efficient nuclear power is but radioactive leak in Japan in 2011 warned unimaginable disadvantages to other countries. Or sometimes, we can see on TV that there is a few robbers in banks, gold shops,... that makes the masters equip more modern technologies for protecting.  
  
In conclusion, appearance of bad news should not be limited on purpose, neither have negative impacts to people's activities.  
  
Thanks for reading, please give me some comments that help me have a better score.
**Let's divide this feedback into two portions: technicalities and content-wise.**  
  
Regarding the technical composition of your text, I would suggest that you try to simplify your language and utterances to make sure that your delivery is smooth. You have a tendency to create complicated sentences; and while these are generally alright and acceptable, it is best to evade them when you're partaking in tests. If you cannot, *try to at least keep it minimal.*  
  
Let's take a look at your introduction sentence. It's quite dragging how the first sentence tries to encompass a multitude of thoughts when it can be rewritten as something simpler.  
  
I would revise it as:  
*The world nowadays is rapidly developing, causing the emergence of technological conventions in media. This has made it impossible to avoid the consumption of negative news.*  
  
Notice how I had split it into two portions. This will make sure that I first put on the table the general idea behind the essay; and then afterwards, I had uttered what is wrong with it. This is a logical structure that is easier to follow than condensing all data into one chunk of a sentence. I recommend following a similar pattern.  
  
In terms of content, while I appreciate your usage of examples to have more clarity and substance to your points, I also suggest that you try to expound more about the general idea. You can just give a brief example while still being able to pay attention to what you truly want to say.  
  
For instance, in your second paragraph, it's quite unclear what you mean by how journalists and editors run their compositions for news. *Do you mean that they only write to showcase what is truly going on in society?*  
  
You have to be more concise with your usage of words.  
  
You should also expound your conclusion a little bit more. **Once you condense your thoughts and eliminate unnecessary examples in your essay, you will be able to have more space to create a brief summation of what you want to tell the people regarding the limitations of negative news.**  
  
Best of luck.