dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Unfortunately, scoring of the essay is only done with URGENT or Private essay reviews. Any student who scores your essay will get his account immediately suspended. Sorry about that. For scoring services, you can contact us privately or make this thread URGENT for an additional review from me.  
  
Without the original prompt presentation, I am finding it a bit difficult to analyze the appropriateness of your response. There is a disconnection, as far as I can tell, between fashion and technology. I am also unclear about why you chose to disagree with this statement because you are missing a restatement of the original reason provided alongside the original prompt. Your prompt restatement feels highly incomplete and little informed.  
  
There is no first hand, other hand in this case. It is just "on the one hand" and "on the other hand". However, because you gave a direct disagreement response to the essay question, which is unknown to me (really, please provide the original prompt next time), it appears that you have mistakenly used the wrong discussion format in this essay. Since you are not instructed to provide an A/D discussion, this essay should be a single opinion explanation presentation.  
  
The current presentation shows that although you presented an opinion at the start, you are really uncertain about your presentation because of the comparative discussion. This creates a confusion for the reader who, all along, thought you disagree with the statement. The proper discussion approach would have been to justify your opinion based on a 2 reasoning paragraph, using 2 different reasons to justify your opinion.  
  
The essay cannot be considered properly discussed due to the error in your discussion presentation. Your TA score will be judged based on the lack of clarity in your opinion, within the discussion paragraphs (low marks due to uncertainty), and the lack of proper concluding information in the concluding summary.
## festival of Vietnam - review

  
  
Tet is the most crucial national festival of Vietnam, which usually occurs at the end of January and lasts for 3 days. Before the New Year's Eve, families will schedule to buy new something or redecorate the house. They have to expel all the bad lucks, and be ready for the arrival of a new year. During Tet, there're bunches of things that people do such as bamboo stick, pagodas for praying, giving the red envelop, visiting the relatives and so on. It's time for families and pals come together to have a feast of traditional Vietnamese dishes. Some usual staples food are boiled chicken, pig trotters, Chung cake. Chung cake is a square cake which made of sticky rice, beans, pork and Dong leaves. Trust me, it's spot on. But, wait a minute, before we can eat, first they had to be put on the family altar as offerings to our ancestors. During Tet everything is wonderful however people often mark up the price so everything gets more expensive. But anyway, I am keen on Tet because my family reunion, I can let my hair down or just simple I can sleep like a log to recharge my batteries.
When you write about an important festival, or any festival for that matter, you have to make sure to give the reader a background regarding it. A festival normally has a religious or social importance embedded in the history, society, and culture of a people. This paper was assigned to you to help you learn how to frame important discussion topics in a manner that will be of interest to the reader. Without the history and explanation of the relevance of each activity in the presentation, you have not really written an informative paper. The reader will come away from this writing with more questions than learning about the Tet festival. I am not sure if you wrote this with a maximum word count so I cannot comment on your presentation in terms of that. However, I have to say that you must learn to write 2 ideas in one sentence, without creating a run on. You have to connect the meaning of the festival with the activities indicated. Each activity, each piece of food, the preparation, these are all key in explaining the importance of the Tet festival. So the essay isn't really as informative, creative, or effective as it could have been.
**Topic;  
## Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like.

  
*Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology.***  
  
There are contrast views in regard to the selection of university subjects. Some argue that it would be better for students to choose their desire subject, while others prefer useful subjects such as science-oriented or technology-oriented courses. In my point of view, university students should prioritize their interested subjects over useful subjects.  
  
Some people believe that students should be restricted to study useful subjects as they might think studying popular courses will be easier to succeed due to better career progression, higher salaries and more job opportunities. It is undeniable that the higher number of students focusing on technical field brings more inventions and society growth.  
  
There are various reasons why I prefer students should choose a subject they enjoy learning. One reason is that they will have higher chance to be an elite in their familiar field because of greater motivation and passion. Students studying their desire subject allows them to further enhance their skills and thus they will be able to get a high grade and easier to be hired by big companies. Another reason is that students not studying a subject considered as useful may be easier to adapt to the future as no one knows what field of skills are needed in the future. For instance, art or animation degree graduates may be in high demand after a decade because jobs not related to science, engineering or information technology may emerge.  
  
To sum up, although studying useful courses in recent years may be more beneficial than the less common courses, I personally believe students studying their interested subjects will have better talents and easier to adapt to the future.
You did a very good job in restating the original prompt, the two points of view, and your personal opinion. However, you did not discuss the essay based on the discussion instructions which was to compare the two public points of view and give your opinion. For the give your opinion part, there were 2 approaches that you could have used:  
  
1. Offer an explanation of the 2 points of view based on the reasons provided (expanded form) + Personal opinion of each point of view (One paragraph per point of view)  
  
2. Explain each point of view in public or general terms + personal opinion as a stand alone (single paragraph) explanation  
  
Either way would be acceptable to the examiner. You will score well regardless of which format you choose to use. In this presentation, you failed to use the third person explanation for each point of view. That is why the presentation is only partially format compliant. When you fail to address the two public points of view individually (per paragraph), then you fail to use the indicated discussion format. The answer becomes incomplete. This is the reason why your conclusion is also incorrect. There is no reverse paraphrase presentation that would have reiterated your point of view in the end.
## what is happiness?

  
  
***"Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness?"***  
It is true that the number of people would like to be happy in their life. In my opinion the definition of happiness is difficult, and it can have a range of factors with regard to achieving happiness.  
  
Happiness is quite difficult to describe because it is quite abstract, meaning that is not the same for everyone. For example, some peope who feel happy simply have something for meals, or a safe place, whereas others, health and families are vitally important meaning that people that they have loving familes, or have free time to talke to their families, friends. At the same time, a range of feelings from pleasure to satisfaction may be also related to the description of happiness. Therefore, many people feel happy in various of ways.  
  
In any case, it is difficult to give correctly the definition of happiness, but some people believe that there are some significant elements in achieving happiness. Firstly, some basic needs play an important role in their life before they want to have better things such as salary, job's satisfaction or fame,... For example, if people do not have a safe house to live and food to eat, they will not be happy. Secondy, people should have strong connections to family and friends. This is because, it is great time to share experiences or even stories in life together. Thanks to this, people become more pleasure and excitement. Others factors could set goals for individual or ambitions to achieve successfully.  
  
In conlusion, happiness is difficult to define because it depends on each invididual person. And I believe that these factors I mentioned above that is vitally important in achieving goals.
Your prompt paraphrase is incorrect. You have changed the discussion topic and therefore, created a wrong topic statement for the essay. Please note:  
  
*OT: Happiness is considered very important in life.  
YT: It is true that the number of people would like to be happy in their life*  
  
As you can see, you have turned in a totally different discussion topic from the original. Therefore, you will be given a score based on a presentation totally unrelated to the original prompt. There will be a partial deduction in this aspect because your restatement of the questions were correct although incomplete as you do not indicate a direct response to each question presented.  
  
In the second paragraph, limit your example to just one. You do not need several examples because you should be focused on defining happiness or the difficulty of defining it based on one example or 2 connected examples. For example, you could have indicated and better explained how having meals can bring happiness to a person, but isn't the same as the happiness of having a safe place to call home. You should be able to contrast 2 related, but different reasons in the presentation. In this presentation, there are only examples, but not explanation with regards to the cohesiveness of the examples provided. Showing the different types of happiness is not the same as explaining how these types of happiness are different. It is the difference in the meaning of these happiness that makes the word difficult to define.  
  
In the third paragraph, you are using a comma immediately before the ellipses, almost all of the exam takers these days make this common mistake. You cannot use 2 punctuation marks simultaneously. You can only use one then use words then use another punctuation mark. The punctuation marks are used to separate statements, therefore, you cannot use 2 one after the other because there is no statement to separate.
The ticket is only good for travel to one place. So you cannot use the golden ticket to travel to several places in time. You already indicated a specific date and time in the past that you want to return to and why. The essay should therefore, focus on the events and situations that occurred or you wish to change based on that date, time, and place. Do you want to change things? Do you want to keep things the same? Is there something you want to prevent? Regardless of the reasons you chose this time, the main explanation should focus on the "Why?" of the choice. In this case, I see the story you want to tell, but it doesn't follow the requirements of the prompt. The instruction is only for a single point in time. Revise the essay to meet the time travel requirements. Bearing in mind the simple time travel command "You can participate but you should not try to influence or change the outcome of the event." The end of the essay should therefore, explain the lesson learned from the events of that time, had you participated in it as an adult instead of as a child.
***Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere***  
  
## To what extent do you agree with this view?

  
  
It often said that government funding for the art is a waste and that money could be better funded in other fields, I completely disagree with this view and will give my reasons bellow  
  
It is undeniable that arts play a vital role in education as people usually does not have enthusiasm in learning history or global issues which are abstract if they are spoken or written. For example, conveying a concept of a historical event through a work of art will be more impressive and memorable than a typical writing or speech. In addition, obviously, arts encourage young people learning history. For instance, watching a documentary about the influences of climate changes on the Earth would be more exciting approach than a lecture in class. Therefore, I strongly believe that it is worth for government invest in arts  
  
Another good point to invest in art is that it can boost the tourism of the country. For example, arts galleries, exhibition, temple, etc can attract a numerous of tourists all over the world every year generating a considerable revenue in return. Moreover, it creates a number of jobs for local people to reduce unemployment rate. In long road arts not only help to develop national economy but also maintain culture. Thus, arts should be supported equally.  
  
In conclusion, I do believe arts is important aspect in education, culture and economy and support the idea it is worth to fund for art and it should be supported equally
Hello! Your essay is generally formatted correctly, but there are quite a few punctuation and grammar errors that you may need to fix.  
  
For the first sentence, remove "will give my reasons below." The essay would flow better if you rewrote the claim to something like "Although many say that government funding for art is a waste and that money could be better funded in other fields, I disagree." This should be enough to lead the reader into your supporting evidence. Also, replace "arts" when with just "art." Art does not have a plural form with the exception of talking about different mediums, which is not the case here, so just remove the "s."  
  
Besides that, try reading your essay out loud to see if your sentence structures make sense. Some sentences like "Therefore, I strongly believe that it is worth for government invest in arts" is grammatically incorrect (it would be better written as "Therefore, I strongly believe that government investment in art is worthy"). Don't forget to add periods at the end of your sentences.  
  
Hope this helps!
The essay is below the minimum word count. So the format itself is incorrect. You have not satisfied the formatting requirements from the very start of the presentation. Your first paragraph is a run on sentence. The requirement is a 3-5 sentence per paragraph, no run-on or long sentences. That should be divided into 2 sentences with an additional 2 sentences that individually state your discussion subjects. The succeeding reasoning paragraphs should expand on your discussion subjects in individual paragraphs.  
  
You cannot make hyperbolic claims such as "It is undeniable" because there are people with an opposing point of view who will deny such claims. Keep the essay simple, without exaggerations or questionable statements. You failed to properly develop the reasoning behind the example that you gave in the second paragraph. You stated and example then moved on to the next topic you wished to discuss in the same paragraph. This created an under developed paragraph, lacking in supporting statements for each topic / example provided.  
  
The conclusion is less than 40 words and contains the same error as the opening statement. This means that the same word count percentage deductions will be applied several times in this presentation. Always write at least 3 sentences per paragraph to ensure that you will meet the overall minimum word requirement.
## Spending money on exploring outer space or on basic needs

  
  
There has been a strong debate on how the government should finance different sectors. Different people have different angles of thoughts on this hot issue. Some people believe that the government should spend money on exploring the solar system, while others are against this point of view. In my opinion, I believe that there are more important concerns on Earth that need to be resolved. I feel this way for two main reasons that I would explore in the subsequent paragraphs.  
  
To begin with, the education system in many developing countries is destroyed and requires renovation. To ensure having a powerful country, governments have to establish a strong education system to graduate students effective in their society. For instance, several years back, the United Arab Emirates was a developing country with most of its people uneducated. After a few years, they discovered oil and became one of the richest countries. Their government decided to wisely use the money they gained from petrol and establish a powerful educational system. Consequently, this yielded educated generations, who contributed to build up their country and transform it into one of the most prestigious nations worldwide. Thus, spending more money on the educational sector will bring more profit than spending on outer space.  
  
Moreover, no one can neglect the fact that there are severe limitations to health care in developing countries. Although there are many health facilities, the services are unevenly distributed, and there is a lack of many essential medicines and inappropriate prescriptions. As a result, this all contributes to unnecessary suffering and mortality. Egypt is one of the most compelling evidence of this. According to statistics, a large number of Egyptians die from Hepatitis C every year. This is because many of these patients aren't getting the right medical attention, nor are they receiving the appropriate medications. However, this can be avoided to a great extent if the government allocates more money to offer a better health system and afford the proper medications.  
  
To sum it up, there are far more important issues that need the government's finance more than exploring the space. This money can be used to improve both the educational and health sectors.
You did not follow the discussion instructions as provided in the original prompt. For clarity:  
  
OI: Discuss both views and give your own opinion.  
YI: I feel this way for two main reasons that I would explore in the subsequent paragraphs.  
  
Rather than using the public and personal opinion discussion format, you changed it to a personal opinion format only. Which means, you failed to discuss this essay based on the required discussion instruction. That will automatically earn you a failing TA score. The length of your essay does not matter at this point because you have not represented the discussion in the proper format. You cannot get a passing score when you make it very obvious that you disregarded the original instructions for one reason or another. The main problem, which will cause the failing mark, is the lack of proper discussion format in your presentation.  
  
The correct discussion format:  
Par. 1: Restatement  
Par. 2: Public POV 1 + Personal opinion  
Par. 3: Public POV 2 + Personal opinion  
Par. 4: Recap / concluding summary  
  
You did not do this in your presentation so you have shown a lack of ability to follow basic English instructions as provided in the original prompt.
***Some cities create housing areas by providing taller buildings. Others create housing by building houses on a wider area of land.***  
## Which solution is better?

  
  
This is my essay, please help me to improve it. Much appreciated!  
Total words: 323 words.  
  
In the modern day, a minority of metropolises build houses on a larger scale of land, whereas the rest choose to provide more skyscrapers in order to meet the need of the residents. To the best of my knowledge, I am in total approval of creating higher buildings due to its numerous merits. Both sides will be considered carefully before drawing to a conclusion.  
  
To begin with, building houses on a wider area of land does have some valid reasons. One of them is for the safety of individuals. Taking having earthquakes for example, the residential evacuation wil be conducted more quickly in low construction compared to in skyscrapers. Therefore, some cities prefer shorter but wider houses than taller ones.  
  
On the contrary, despite having a small number of downsides, building taller structure is believed to bring more benefits to both human beings and the environment. First of all, creating skyscrapers can save the budget of land for descendants. In the era of dramatic population increase, humans need more and more land for accommodation. Therefore, forests will be cut down for more room and following is a significant rise of global warming, which can have devastating impacts on humanity. To avoid this terrible issue is the second reason why cities should build skyscrapers rather than lower and wider houses.  
  
In my opinion, not only creating higher construction can save the environment, but it also save sthe humankind thanks to its eco-friendly benefits. Our descendants in the future will have to suffer climate change desperately if the rise of deforestation keeps accelerating because of the need of more land. That's why we should save the budget of land by building more skyscrapers.  
  
Having analysed all things above, I have a great belief that cities should provide higher edifices rather than lower but wider ones in order to preserve either nature or humanity. The more land we save, the better our offsprings' lives in the future.
## Can technology replace teachers?

  
  
These days, the computer is sure to have far-reaching effects on all fields, especially education. Many people claim that with the development of computers, teachers do not have an important role anymore in the classroom. Taking a look at other aspects, teachers still play an essential role for students that they can not be replaced.  
  
First of all, the interaction between students and teachers is vital for learning. Also, in some particular class, students still need someone to help and guide them to study and practice. For instance, It's an onerous task for the learning in creative and thinking class if they do not have teachers guide and encourage them at the beginning and obviously, computers do not solve this problem.  
  
On top of that, experienced teachers know what materials and structured courses to choose from. For example, the studying ability of students is not similar that the teachers who have been approaching and getting close with them as the result the teacher know what are suitable books, speed and methods of teaching for their students. Moreover, teachers who have a long time to get along with students that they understand and may help them to solve the academic problem of theirs, also monitor every slight change in students' attitude, to respond to them whenever they show of frustration and impatience.  
  
To sum up, the computer is popularly used in school for so many conveniences that make students interesting and comfortable in learning activities. However, teachers also bring some special benefits to the student and they still keep a necessary role in the school.