dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Writing task 2 ( IELTS ):  
  
## ***Cycling is more environmentally friendly than other forms of transport.***

  
Why is it not popular in many places? And how to increase its popularity?  
  
It is needless to say that travelling by bicycle is completely carbon-free and beneficial to the environment, but despite this fact many people still opt for gasoline-fueled automobiles as their main form of transportation. This essay will examine why this phenomenon came about and then bring forth some practical solutions in an attempt to make cycling more preferable among the public.  
  
Although cycling might bring a lot of benefits for society as a whole, an individual might find it discouraging to make it a habit due to various reasons. The most apparent of which being the slow travelling speed due to the mechanism purely based on human physical productivity. This means that long distance travel could be very time-consuming and therefore greatly affects people with a tight schedule, especially in urban areas where many people are already struggling to manage their time budget. Another factor associated with this is that cyclists are more exposed to the weather as compared to those who go by car, which mostly are equipped with air-conditioners. This has a cumulative effect with the aforementioned and can result in serious health problems, like heat exhaustion or even heat stroke which are fairly common in tropical countries.  
  
Many actions, however, can be taken by different bodies to incentivize people to travel by bike more often. Environmentally conscious companies can counterbalance the time-consuming aspect of cycling for their employees by applying a later hour to start work or an earlier hour to leave work for those who are willing to take a bike to work. This will directly help these employees in terms of time management as well as further motivate them on doing so by showing them that their superiors also care about a green environment and acknowledge their contribution towards it. Governments can also indirectly encourage the choice of bicycle by imposing heavier road fees for vehicles using carbon-based fuel. This strategy is quite effective for people with middle income or below as road charges could be piled up to a substantial number every year, thus making cycling more appealing to a portion of the population.  
  
In conclusion, the absence of cycling as a transportation around the world can stem from many causes, including sociological and biological factors. Nevertheless, steps can be taken, by businesses or the authorities, to increase the people's interest in this form of travelling.
You are being asked 2 direct questions at the end of the original prompt. You are required to give a direct response to each question as these constitute your discussion body and thesis statement. There is no clear response given to the questions which means that you are not really sure of your opinion and how to discuss it. It is best to always present the discussion responses as these are scored as a part of the TA section of your final score. Single sentence response that incorporate the original question in the response helps to move the essay forward, describing the instructions that were provided, won't help your score. The examiner already knows what the questions are, he is expecting to read your response to the questions in a format that tells him what to expect in the discussion paragraphs. You don't need to discuss the responses, just give the examiner an idea of how relevant your response might be to the question provided.  
  
Learn to use transition sentences within your paragraphs. Your discussion points are good, but not really related to one another. A transition sentence will help your Coherence score as it will create a bridge, commonality, and discussion connection between the 2 otherwise unrelated points. For example:  
  
*... time budget. Then, there is the question of discomfortt during travel time. Cars have air conditioners to keep the traveler cool during hot days, bicycles do not...*  
  
The addition of the transition sentence creates the cohesiveness the examiner will look for with regards to the relationship between your reasoning topics.
## global warming and insufficient involvement from the government

  
  
Admittedly, global warming is known as an inevitable problem to the earth yet some argue that there is inadequate force to mitigate the overconsumption and contamination to the environment. I personally agree with this statement as there are numerous factories emitting noxious smoke and people still using too much plastic.  
  
The enormous use of plastic is one of the main causes of climate change but has not suffered from proper prohibitive policy. Plastic goods require about 450 years to decompose but are still being used for daily purposes and are thrown away after a single consumption to purchase new ones. According to a biological center, Americans consume 100 billion plastic bags per year, which require 12 million barrels of oils to manufacture. Despite this, plastic products are still being produced and sold with a large amount for a cheaper price without being levied with a high tax.  
  
Furthermore, pollution caused by toxic exhaust fumes of factories have not received enough strict action from the government. There are many industrial plants such as chemical and nuclear plants that are still exhausting tonnes of smoke into the atmosphere and waste into the ocean. For example, the Formosa factory in Vietnam had received complaints from the local residents about its contamination to the water source and the impact on animal and people's health. However, the government did not enact a satisfactory penalty for the factory and it is allowed to operate after all.  
  
In conclusion, the excessive consumption of plastics and the pollution from factories are two of the main causes of global warming. Nonetheless, there is insufficient involvement from the government to ease these alarming issues.
When I have given the student advice twice for their essays and I do not see any improvement in the writing format and content, I tend to ignore the student's succeeding posts as it is obvious that the student is not listening to me. That is the case with your essay. I keep telling you not to affirm anything in the opening paraphrase and yet you continue to do so, even after I saw you tell a fellow student not to do that before you posted this essay. That gave me hope that you actually were listening to me, then you went and "admitted" something that you were not being asked to admit in this essay. What am I to think? You say one thing, then go and do another. Why should I waste my time continuing to advise you then when there are other students, who actually listen to me, that I can spend that time helping improve because they listen to me.  
  
Your prompt restatement does not clearly indicate a thesis response that shows what questions you are responding to. There are only 2 reasons provided. However, this is a problem-solution essay, based on the title that you used for it. What government solutions might be enacted? You failed to provide that in the second reasoning paragraph.  
  
Had you provided the original prompt, which is a requirement at this forum, I could offer you more relevant advice. I will do that next time. Provided you supply the original prompt and stop making the same mistakes in your presentation. Otherwise, this will be the last piece of advice you will receive from me.
I am sorry that I forgot to put the question in my thread.  
The topic is: Climate change is now an accepted threat to our planet, but there is not enough political action to control excessive consumerism and pollution. Do you agree?  
  
And I used the word "Admittedly" because I wanted to paraphrase the question since it said climate change is an accepted threat so I thought it would be fine to use that word. I will keep in mind this and will learn to minimize my sentences and improve my writing format to not making the same mistakes again. Thank you for your help sir.
Hi @juliachung  
  
As far as I know, the primary cause for global warming is not overconsumption of plastic or toxic industrial waste but **greenhouse gas emissions**, which I think you should foucs on. For example, you could say:  
  
Because the government **does not take concrete action to promote renewable energy including wind power**, a great many people and companies still **burn fossial fuel, thereby producing enormous carbon dioxide emissions**, which are recognized as the culprit for climate change.  
  
Discussion on overconsumption of plastic, in my opinion, is deviation from the topic.  
  
To be honest, the topic of climate change is somewhat out of touch with daily life, so it is understandable that you are not familiar with it. But you have to prepare for it anyway because you will likely meet it in the test. If you know little about it, you may want to Google it to learn more about it. And remember to add the prompt the prompt next time, such as:  
  
*Climate change is now an accepted threat to our planet, but there is not enough political action of control excessive consumerism and pollution. Do you agree or disagree?*
## learning various range of subjects is not effective

  
  
University students always focus on one specialist subject, but some people think universities should encourage their students to study a range of subjects in addition to their own subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
  
It is argued that students should not only focus on a major subject but also study a number of others. In my opinion, specializing in one subject is a much better choice.  
  
There are several reasons why I would argue against learning various subjects at universities. Firstly, it leads to undergraduates' poor motivation because most of them are interested in only one or a few subjects, not all of compulsory ones. Secondly, students are affected by other subjects so that it is impossible for them to put all of their efforts into the main one. Finally, acquiring knowledge of subjects which they do not use regularly, especially in their careers, wastes a lot of time and energy. For example, my mother is a lawyer, and she admits that the understanding of algebra and trigonometry she gained is useless for her job now.  
  
I believe that focusing on one specialist subject makes undergraduates highly experienced in it. When students do not have to learn subjects, they can spend time reading books, searching information on the Internet and conducting experiments on that subject only. If they choose to continue working in that field, these valuable lessons and experience will greatly improve school leavers' career prospects. Nowadays, employers tend to find the best worker for each position, not students acquiring a decent understanding of every area. For instance, Gennady Korotkevich is the highest-rated competitive programmer because he learnt only algorithms at his university.  
  
In conclusion, my view is that university students should major in one subject rather than do courses in different ones.  
  
(261 words)
A thought is not the same as an argument. By definition:  
  
Thought - a consideration or reflection  
  
Argument - an oral disagreement; verbal opposition; contention;  
  
Considering the meaning of the individual words, it is incorrect to frame the discussion of the opposing thought as an argument. While there is a disagreement, the use of the word "thought" in the original presentation indicates an opinion, not a verbal tussle. Make sure to use the correct synonym for the keywords so as to show a proper LR development on your part. Word meaning plays a large role in your English comprehension skills consideration and LR scoring.  
  
The question posed is an extent essay ( I partly agree, I fully disagree) but you responded with only a personal opinion, completely ignoring the original discussion instruction and reasoning format requirement of the original prompt. You do have a clear opinion presented in the thesis sentence. However, you did not properly respond to the extent question before filling in the blanks for the reasoning thesis requirement. So you will lose points for that in the scoring process.  
  
Since the concluding summary is less than 40 words or 2 sentences, then you will not be gaining additional points for your concluding presentation. Just additional point deductions which, when added to the other deductions you will receive as per each scoring consideration, will result in a non passing score for your test. Make sure to understand what the discussion format is and respond properly. Accurately summarize the discussion in the concluding paragraph. Avoiding these 2 major errors can help lessen the scoring deductions applied to your final score.
@CBQ  
  
Something you can work on is acknowledging the other side of the coin before revealing the extent to which you agree upon. In your case, it could be: "A diverse range of subjects can definitely help students figure out their interests more clearly; however, I argue that..."  
  
I can pinpoint several things which you definitely got right in regards to structure:  
  
You stated your opinion in the intro, people refrain from doing that but in this question format, it is necessary.  
  
You made it clear "to what extent" you agree with the statement by stating that the former is a "much better" choice. Too often people leave it ambiguous as to what their full opinion is, which is why I prefer not having a moderate opinion but instead; either a complete yes or no with this sort of question.
@ Holt  
  
Thank you a lot!  
  
You said that I should use the word "thought" rather than the word "argued" so I have two other questions for you.  
  
Mr. wrote his introduction for the topic : "Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes." like this: "It is sometimes argued that high school students should be made to do some work in their local communities. In my opinion, it would be wrong to force teenagers to do any kind of unsalaried work."  
  
He also used the word "argue" instead of "believe", and at the beginning of the second sentence, he wrote: "In my opinion, it would be wrong to ...".  
  
Also, his conclusion is only one-sentence long and the number of words is less than 40 words. For example, he wrote: "In conclusion, my view is that goverments should spend money on services that benefit all members of society, and it is wrong to waste resources on projects that do not improve our everyday lives.", and it is good enough to get the maximum score.  
  
What is your opinion?  
  
@ Ahmed adobewan  
  
Thank you a lot!  
  
I understand your approach to the essay, but if I wrote like that, my second paragraph would have to be about "learning a range of subjects helps students figure out their interests more clearly", which is not my aim.  
  
Thanks for your compliments!
Hi @CBQ. I'd love to discuss the sentence "it leads to undergraduates' **poor motivation**..."  
  
I don't think the word "**motivation**" is a good choice. Actually, most of college students are required to learn a range of subjects but few of them are thus discouraged. In my opinion, "distraction" is a better choice. I'd like to write as below:  
  
**It leads to distraction. College students are forced to divert a considerable amount of time and energy to the subjects in which they are likely not interested as opposed to devoting themselves to those that they are motivated to learn**.
## GRE AWA practice essay

  
  
*I wrote this under timed conditions (30 minutes) for GRE AWA practice.  
Feedback is appreciated. Thanks!*  
  
There is no doubt that the overall success of a society completely depends upon its constituent elements, its citizens, and their well-being. I believe the secret sauce to the success of any society comes from the individual success of the people forming it. There is no point in having a successful society by suppressing its citizens and having a successful face for the world. The origin of the word society comes from people coming together, living in harmony and peace with each other, and also being in solace with themselves.  
  
For example, if we look at the vast history of India, from Aryan Empire to Mughal Empire, India as a whole society was referred to as a golden bird in those times. The resources and people responsible for the success of the society have always been there, but it all boils down to the well-being of the individual citizens. These empires were built upon one crucial element, the betterment of their citizens, finding a way to have them in the economical structure as well as resolving individual problems and social conflicts to the best of their knowledge. It was these workers, merchants, fighters who led to the success of the society as a whole encompassed by brilliant administration that tied these pieces together.  
  
On the contrary, when India was ruled by the British empire, although India went through a process of huge transformation, from railways to industries, the society as a whole was a failure. The people being tormented and not having their peace and well-being led to the world-renowned freedom struggle. After the freedom, jobs were a problem, there was a lack of proper administration and a structure as a whole in the initial days, but the first thing that was restored was individual well-being and this built the foundation for all the success it has today.  
  
We all agree that it is not possible to take into consideration each and everyone in the society as we progress, but making sure that reforms and steps taken for the society as a whole needs to consider the majority and at the same time ensure that it is not hampering minorities either. The merrier and satisfied the citizens are, the stronger is the foundation of the society and the higher the chances of success.
I am not sure about the prompt that you are responding to so I cannot be very accurate in my review of your work. Please provide the prompt next time so I can consider the discussion in a clearer discussion requirement. Anyway, I can still offer a general review of your work which I hope will be helpful to you.  
  
The first paragraph feels highly repetitious and does not get its point across to the reader clearly. Use of creative but non academic phrases such as "secret sauce" make it sound like you are writing a casual rather than formal paper. This deflects from the serious considerations for the discussion that you are trying to present. Next time try to use a more academic reference such as "I believe that the proper formula" or "I believe that the secret to the success", both of which create an academic representation of your thoughts.  
  
With that said, your discussion still seems to be on point and uses relevant examples to support the validity of your opinion / discussion points. You just have to make sure that you stick to more formal academic word usage, avoiding phrases such as "the merrier" and simply stating "The more satisfied..." You are trying to impress the examiner with your vocabulary and English word usage but unfortunately, you are sacrificing the academic tone of the paper in the process.
## the value of one country's exports in various categories

  
  
The given table and chart depict the alteration of country's export earning in several products for one year from 2015 to 2016. Data was measured in billion.  
  
Overall, most of the products experienced an increased number, except Gems And jewellery decreased during the period given. Petroleum products contributed the biggest amount, while textile and engineered goods made a significant rise.  
  
To begin with, the petroleum products started at 61 billion in 2015 and rose as many as 3 % becoming 63% in 2016. Besides, engineered goods stood at nearly 56 billion and experienced a considerably rise number as many as 8.5% after one year.  
  
Unlike the two previous products, the others categories showed low number. There was only a little different number of change in Agricultural products at approximately 31 billion in 2015 and just over 31 billion in 2016.  
  
Interestingly, textiles was the lowest in 2015 which stood at nearly 26%, albeit textiles could jump significantly as many as 15.24%.  
Gems and jewellery decreased over the period given. Starting at around 43 billion and had a significant dip (5,18%) in the end of the given period.  
  
*
Your information in the first sentence is incorrect. First of all, there are two images represented, a table chart and a bar chart. So you have a image identification error in that presentation. Second, each presentation has a different focus, the bar chart represents the export earnings and the table chart, shows the percentage change in values for the same products. There is a TA error in your understanding and presentation of each image information that will cause inaccuracies in your data reporting.  
  
Do not capitalize the word "and" at any given point. It cannot be capitalized in the middle of a presentation because it is not a proper noun. It cannot be used at the start of a sentence because it is a connecting word. It is one of the words in the English language that can never be capitalized in an academic or creative writing presentation.
***Topic:  
Nowadays, many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation.***  
## why might this be the case? what could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

  
  
Recently, being a self-worker has been popular among the majority of people comparing to be an employee at a company or organisation. This trend happens due to the flexibility of time and the high amount of gained income. Nevertheless, the stability of long-term self-worker should be considered as it might be one of the drawbacks.  
  
Having an unfixed working schedule and unlimited salary is a sample of the opinion why people tend to begin their own business- as self-employed. As more and more expenditures become skyrocketed, while the wages that earn from being worker at a company have not any increase, people try to figure out solutions for their well-being. Apart from this, they can choose when they will be on duty and take a rest. In Indonesia, many fresh graduated start their own business by selling products or services online, rather than sitting to walk-out interviews for a big company. It can be seen from a decreased number of applicants either in public companies, such as Indonesia Fuel Company (Pertamina), or private companies.  
  
Ironically, however, there is a fear that should be thought of by being self-employed: sustainability of the business. Since all the risks are in the founder's court, they are the ones who can predict how long their own start-up will exist. If they cannot manage well it, hardly does it survive in business battles. When one who is without any experience and networking establishes their business, it is highly likely to be a short-term business.  
  
In conclusion, despite the benefits of being a self-worker, namely having a lot of spare time and a high rate salary, someone should think about the challenge which is possible to deal with, long-term business existence.