dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**TOPIC:  
*Some people think parents should read or tell stories to children. Other think parents needn't do that as children can read books or watch TV, movies by themselves.*  
  
## Discuss both views and give your own opinion.**  
  
It would be argued by some that it is not necessary for offspring to be told stories by their parents as they can do it on their own. In my opinion, however, that is a beneficial practice.  
  
There are several reasons why children being told stories by adults could be considered unimportant. Firstly, parents are nowadays occupied with more assignments at work, which might lead to their lack of time for their family. If they spend time reading stories to entertain their children, they couldn't enjoy the little remaining hours to relax. Secondly, reading books or watching movies by themselves can offer children some certain benefits. This might encourage independent learning and develop better sense of language as they are challenged to understand words and film scenes at their own pace. In doing so, they must apply the knowledge that they have learnt in the classroom.  
  
Despite the above arguments, I support the view that children should be told stories by their parents as it would contribute to a better relationship among family members. Parents would have more interactions with their children and chances to understand them. For example, by discussing about a story, children might show their reactions to anything they observe from their own perspectives. Parents, therefore, can get to know them and even help their offspring to gain awareness and get better attitude towards everything in life. As a result, parents could get their children's respect and become a close friend to talk to. I personally believe that this is a necessary aspect of a close-knit family.  
  
In conclusion, while it seems to me that it is more advantageous for parents and their children to enjoy stories together.  
  
*-------  
I would be glad if my first essay is evaluated by you guys. Waiting for your help.  
Thank you <3*
" necessary for offspring to be told stories by their parents as they can do it on their own" sounds awkward. Change that into "necessary for parents to tell stories to their children since they can do that on their own".  
  
"There are several reasons why children being told stories by adults " change into "why it is unnecessary for adults to tell stories to their children"  
  
" they couldn't enjoy the little remaining hours to relax" => they wont be able to  
"some certain benefits" => "certain benefits" is enough. adding "some" makes it sounds redundant because "certain" already means "some"
The discussion format for this essay is totally out of the expected presentation. As such, you will receive a lower TA score due to inappropriate formatting. You are expected to respond to this essay using the proper paragraph presentation which is:  
  
Par. 1: Restatement + Personal opinion reference  
Par. 2: First Public POV + Personal opinion  
Par. 3: Second Public POV + Personal opinion  
Par. 4: Overall personal opinion (opting to take one side of the discussion)  
Par. 5: Concluding summary of the previous discussion points  
  
There is a lack of GRA scoring potential in this essay. You are not using enough third person reference points to prove your GRA skill. Your personal opinion should also use more than just "I" in the paragraph. Try to show a variety of personal pronoun usage to increase the GRA potentia. The conclusion you presented is too short. This does not meet the 40 word minimum requirement nor the 3-5 sentence summary requirement.
## throwaway lifestyle nowadays

  
  
In recent days, people have created a throwaway society since nearly everything is disposable and only be used in a short time. This trend is caused by some reasons and they can act as a precursor to several detrimental impacts.  
  
There are many driving factors which contribute to the rise of throwaway lifestyle. The first reason is the predominance of packaged food. Having ready meals means people no longer need to clean plates and cutlery as they can easily throw those single-use items away. For example, thousands of orders are completed in Now - a food order application everyday. As a result, the amount of plastic bowls or spoons disposed daily would be enormous. Another alarming reason is the phenomenon of fast fashion. People purchase cheap, trendy clothing but dispose them after a few wears. Fast fashion brands do not have enough time to control the quality of their products when there is such urgency to get clothing to their crowd customers. Due to this low-quality mass production, the clothes are not sustainable and they can be disposed in a few days or weeks.  
  
Because of the aforementioned reasons, this trend of throwaway lifestyle can have several drawbacks. On a personal level, it can cause health issues. For instance, wearing low quality items might make people's skin feel itchy and can lead to skin problems; or consuming food packed in nylon bags can cause cardiovascular disease. On a broader level, mass consumer society can be a threat to the environment. This is evidenced by the fact that single use items and other domestic waste are disposed in the river or the ocean, which makes the water pollution become more serious. Many underwater creatures have died as they have swallowed plastic or nylon pieces, therefore, global biodiversity and ecosystems has been affected tremendously.  
  
In conclusion, throwaway lifestyle is caused by some factors and it obviously has harmful impacts on people's lives. Policy makers and all individuals should consider those bad effects elaborately in order to implement some feasible measures to tackle this issue.
When you write your prompt paraphrase, you need to make sure that you address the questions at the very start. That means, you provide topic sentences for each question after you restate the topic of the essay. So in this presentation your first paragraph errors exist because of your lack of response to:  
  
- What are its causes  
- what are its problems?  
- What could be done to address this issue?  
  
Presenting the topic response for each paragraph will help you stay on track and not deviate from the expected response format. You need to use one paragraph as a response to each question. Your current presentation is only partially correct in format because you responded to the first 2 questions, but forgot to respond to the last question in a separate paragraph. You will be scored less for using the response to the third question as a concluding paragraph.  
  
The concluding paragraph is always a summary of the previous discussions. That means, this is a 5 paragraph, not 4 paragraph essay as you presented. You will be scored on a tangential response range, which will prevent you from receiving a notable score overall. That is because there are still several other problems with your presentation that will prevent the higher scoring range consideration for your work.
## the rank of 10 countries (electricity)

  
  
The bar chart demonstrates the top ten countries with regards to the production and consumption amount of electricity in 2014.  
  
The chart provides clear statistics that in 2014, China remained the top country in both electricity production and consumption with 5,398 billion kWh electricity being generated and 5,322 billion kWh being utilized in 2014. United States produced 4,099 billion kWh, about 1,300 billion less than that of China, while the figure of electricity consumption reached 3,866 billion kWh, which made United States the second largest country in both electricity production and consumption.  
  
What follows China and United States are countries including both developing and developed ones. However, all of their statistics display a huge gap with the top two countries while seems equal to each other. Russia, ranked 3, produced 1,057 billion kWh and at the same time, consumed 1,038 billion kWh, which showed a great contrast with the top 2 countries but remained rather close to the top 4 country. Japan, whose figure in production and consumption was 936.2 and 856.7 respectively.  
  
Overall, in 2014, China and United States contributed to the most part of production and consumprion of electricity. The other 8 countries still lagged behind the two countries and kept rather similar to each other.  
  
*
1. About the structure of the essay:  
- Your essay did not cover data of Germany, Korea, Brazil, France, Canada and India while there were some repetitions when you described the data of China and USA. I think you should simply state that they ranked the 1st and 2nd in both production and consumption (number given...) -> There is an enormous gap between the 2 top and the others (number given)  
  
- Some information that are describing: Germany is the only country that consumed more electricity than produced, the amount of electricity generated and used in the last (4 or 5) countries ranged from ... to ...  
  
- I think that the conclusion is not necessary.  
2. Some grammar mistakes:  
- The chart provides clear ... **2014**, ... **production and consumption** ... **being generated** ... **being utilized****in 2014**" --> sentence is too long and had some words repeated.  
  
- "What **follows** China and United States **are**"  
- "whose figure in ..." --> whose figures for ... were
There is an unnecessary focus on the China v. USA discussion in this essay. It is unevenly presented as you did not give any attention at all to the remaining countries represented in the chart. The reporting on your end is incomplete because of this. Within even though you used a 4 paragraph format, your inability to properly group the presentation information into appropriate presentation sections prevented the essay from being clear and informative on the side of the reader. You are rushing through your information presentation as you only present run-on sentences. Just because you listed all of the information does not make it effective. Without a properly analyzed presentation, your data becomes irrelevant. Show distinct comparison topics between the countries so that you will be able to utilize all of the information presented in the chart.
## Wild animals have no place in the 21st century

  
  
Many arguments about the protection for wild animals have been a considerable problem since animals have vital needs for human. Which I believe that wild creatures take an essential place in the 21st century and the protection is needed.  
  
In my opinion, wild animals do have a significantly place in the 21st century. But the human are the one who take their places, kill them and destroying their habitats. For example, Amazon forest is home for many kinds of animals and plants, but people have destroyed their home to expand urban areas. Though Amazon and other forests help in maintaning Earth's climate, the cost of managing consequences are far outweigh than the cost of conservation. Nevertheless, there are still places for them to live and be protected. Human and animals can stay side by side without harming their places.  
  
The argument in favour of higher profits from using animals would be that they are used for various fields like medical, food, fashion, tourism and so on.However, I believe this to be a very shortsighted view. Animals have to suffer and their species are reduced which could lead to the extinction in near future. Furthermore, animals take part in balancing the ecosystem and also preventing climate change. For instance, number of harmful species are always under controlled by another group as its food resources like bird eating insects. Another example which have most of arguments like miles are used in lab for testing medicine or many parts of animals body such as elephant's tusk or rhinoceros's horn for human health. In conclusion, we can't deny how important animals to human. If people don't take action immediately, wild animals will die out and human are the only one get disadvantages. So that, the protection is truly necessary to save wild animals out of dangers and extinction.  
  
In short, I completely disagree with the idea that wild animals have no place and just a waste of resources. The conservation are indeed emergency and needed.
Your prompt paraphrase is not proper. It does not contain any information from the original prompt which is:  
  
*Wild animals have no place in the 21st century, and the protection is a waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?*  
  
The original prompt asked you to give a measured response in your paraphrasing of the topic, reasons, and discussion response. You failed to deliver on all counts. Your response is not related to the question at all. This will result in a lower than expected TA score for you. This could lead to your failure to get a passing score in the end. You should never save the actual measured response for the end of the essay. Since the question is asked at the start, the response needs to be given at the start. That is because the measured response will be the basis of your 2 discussion paragraphs. You must give your response then offer 2 reasons that support your opinion as the discussion outline. This will help to give you a better score because your opinion will be clearly stated in the presentation, in the portion where it can help your score the most.  
  
Have you timed yourself when writing an essay? You wrote 331 words, Way more than the suggested 275-290 words. While you did write more, you will not impress the examiner because your long essay also resulted in more spelling, grammar, and cohesiveness problems in your essay. All of which, due to your wrong focus on essay length instead of proof reading to lessen your errors, will result in a fully scaled back score for your work. These errors are so marked, your percentage penalties could very well prevent your passing score when combined with your TA error.
**18/1/2020:  
*Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while other people think that mental strength is more important.***  
## Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

  
  
Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while others claim that mental power decides the winner. I agree that both are important.  
  
On one hand, from team sports such as football, basketball and swimming to dangerous individual sports such as climbing mountains or racing, the participants must have the basic level of physical strength in order to participate. Before matches, the athletes will be checked to be sure that they don't have any serious injury because if they play while injured, they face dangers, can damage themselves, or even die. The Vietnamese runner Michael Le is a telling example. He wounded his right leg just two weeks before a meet, hid his pain, lied to the coaches, and ran the best that he could. Sadly, he fell down during the race and died right on the spot owing to complications from his injuries. Moreover, the athlete who is stronger, taller and bigger, has an advantage in many sports. For example, in soccer, the bigger the goalkeeper is, the more of the goal he can cover and the harder it will be for the ball to go into the net.  
  
On the other hand, there is no doubt that emotions have a significant impact on the performance of the player. Through mental strength, athletes boost their energy, self-esteem and self-confidence. Consider Messi. Compared to other football players his small body is relatively small, yet he always outperforms almost all of them with elegant goal kicks and a feeling of invincibility. In contrast, depression exerts devastating effects on the athletes because it not only ruins their physical power but also distracts them from a winning mindset. For instance, the Vietnamese athlete Van Linh, who became a 5-time world swimming champion was beaten by an unknown. The only reason was that Van Linh had just broken up with his girlfriend right before the meet.  
  
In view of what was mentioned above, obviously, physical and mental strength are both important for success in sport but somehow the physical power wins out because it is the factor that decides whether a player can join in a competition.
This essay is over discussed. You should be presenting up to 290 words only for this type of 3 paragraph reasoning discussion. It is difficult for me to say this but, even though you overwrote, your response format is still incorrect in some aspects. For example, in the opening paraphrase, you did not appropriately restate the two public opinions, in individual paragraphs, before indicating your own opinion, as another separate sentence. A 3 sentence presentation for that section would have been more appropriate.  
  
You discussed the essay only from your personal point of view using the 2 topic sentences. The discussion for this type of presentation covers the explanation or reasons for the existence of the 2 public points of view, upon which your personal point of view will be based. Hence the 3 paragraph format. There is a lack of public reasoning in the discussion presentation which indicates that you only considered your personal opinion in the presentation, rather than the public reasoning considerations. That makes the essay selective in response, which means it will be scored as such by the examiner.
TOPIC:  
***All education (primary, secondary and further education) should be free to all people and paid and managed by the government.***  
## Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

  
  
Nowadays, whether all individuals should be entitled to unchargeable education has been receiving a great deal of public attention. While I partly agree that training should be sponsored by the government, I disagree it should be costless for everyone.  
  
Free education is reasonable for several reasons. First, everyone has equal rights to education. This means both the wealthy and the poor are entitled to learning, which makes those who are impoverished have the chance to be lifted out of poverty and get better career opportunities and future. If not, only children from privileged backgrounds can access to education and be better prepared for their future, and juveniles from poor background learn that all attempts, effort they make are useless, and they could not positively change their lives, which perpetuates a cycle of the wealth gap and postpone the country's development and prosperity.  
  
In the other hand, I believe that education should not be free to everybody. This is because most people do not appreciate the value of free training. To be more precise, the number of pupils would be irresponsible to their studies and lose motivation to strive, which leads to low academic results and a waste of investment of government in those students, and a financial strain. Besides, the government only should sponsor for gifted individuals such as Mathematical ingenious students, which helps them fulfil their dreams, and their capabilities would boost national advancement in numerous fields such as science and economy down the road.  
  
In conclusion, although free education is advantageous in a great deal of aspects, it should not be uncharged to all individuals.
You are not discussing an extent essay. Therefore, you cannot be party in agreement and mostly in disagreement with the given discussion topic. This is a single point of view essay. Based on that requirement, your response, in its current form will be scored low because of the unclear opinion that you are presenting in the response section of the prompt restatement. You have to use the two discussion paragraphs to defend your opinion.  
  
You may use the first person point of view in this discussion since you are being asked to explain your opinion to help keep the examiner informed that you are presenting your personal point of view/opinion throughout the discussion paragraphs. You need to beef up your conclusion. It is too short. You need to write at least 40 words in that section. Using a restatement of the topic and reasoning subjects can help you better conclude the essay. While your presentation indicates your personal opinion, it is not complete enough to be considered a proper concluding summary / summary paragraph.
Hi, there is something to improve about your sentence structure:  
- Your sentences are too long and sometimes make me confused. For example, " If not, only children from privileged backgrounds can access to education and be better prepared for their future, and juveniles from poor background learn that all attempts, effort they make are useless, and they could not positively change their lives, which perpetuates a cycle of the wealth gap and postpones the country's development and prosperity." I know what you meant, but you did not clarify your idea and you repeated the word "and" too many times. How about splitting it into 2 sentences, like this: "If not, only children from privileged backgrounds could have access to education and be better prepared for their future while their poorer counterparts could not. This will eventually perpetuates a cycle of the wealth gap and postpones the country's development and prosperity."  
  
- You should give some more supporting ideas to your paragraphs.  
- There are some sentences that I think not completely true. For example: "This is because most people do not ...". I don't think so, the word "some people" might be more suitable than "most people".  
  
Hope this helps
Hello all,  
  
The following is an essay assignment. Included are the instructions and then my answer. Any feedback would be appreciated!  
  
*Instructions*:  
  
*## Write an email to both the mother and daughter in the story "Two Kinds" by Amy Tan

  
**Pretend you are a counselor who is helping the two characters come together and reconcile their differences. Give them advice: tell them how each person is right and how each person is wrong, and tell them what you think they should do to better their situation. Try to be as sympathetic as possible to each person's situation.**  
  
Should be at least 4 paragraphs long and include an introduction and conclusion.*  
  
*Answer:*  
  
Dear Sandra and Jessica,  
  
I write this email in the hopes of fostering reconciliation between both of you. I know after the car crash that you had a difficult time. Sandra, It must have been awful to see your own daughter in the hospital, receiving heart surgery. And Jessica, I'm so glad you're back, but I'm so sorry for your dog Spot.  
  
Spot was the bond between you. He came in the room and both of you were happy! Living in Switzerland, life can get pretty hard, but Spot could always brighten up your day! Jessica, it's time you let go of Spot, and you can't blame your mother for his death. And Sandra, you have to stop beating yourself up over what happened!  
  
About the trip to South Africa, I think it was a terrible idea. You both were still in mourning, and your relationship was in a terrible position. And Jessica, when your mother got sick, why did you run out of the hotel? She was lying in bed for two days; she almost died! And Sandra, you should apologize for the horrible things you said while you were in a fever; it's the first step to redemption.  
  
I hope you will both consider my advice. You should come home to Alaska and think about how you acted at the baseball game. Jessica, you can't be a professional football player, and Sandra, you have to stop encouraging her to be so skinny. Think about how much you love each other, and maybe you can get through this closer together instead of further apart.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Josh