dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## the influence of computer games on players

  
  
In recent decades, playing computer games has become a popular activity for children of all ages. Many people claim that this hobby offers few benefits beyond entertainment or relaxation and may, in fact, be harmful to a child's development. Do you agree with this statement?  
  
Recently, computer games have become greatly popular all over the world, especially to the young people. While many people don't think this sort of entertainment can bring any good impacts to children, I personally support it as long as the children use it under parental guidance.  
  
Children should be playing computer games after schools or classes because it is very useful and relaxing. They can learn plenty skills from the games such as problem solving, teamwork and strategic skills. For example, Play Stations, a popular football game is designed carefully and visually which encourages kids' develop their creativity and strategies. They learn and practice how to control the ball, pass them to teammates and goal skillfully. It is believed that under parents' observation, the kids also practice their discipline and time management when dads and moms set times to do their homework or assignments. The kids are rewarded to play games if they meet the deadlines.  
  
Playing games is also an economical form of entertainment.Spending time at bars, clubs or live-shows can cost the youth millions Vietnam dongs whereas they can merely stay home and enjoy video games with their family and friends with a small amount of money or even none. Joining outdoor activities require equipment, vehicles or expensive outfits. In contrast, children can access online games by laptops or cellphones without buying any other extra appliances. A game, for example, averagely charges under 30,000 dongs for annual use which is very budget saving.  
  
It is said that computer games can addict the young people at all ages from which they get distracted and ignore important things in their life. However, I believe the benefits online games bring to us outweigh the drawbacks. Online games themselves are not harmful, thus how they are used within control to make the best use is the most important.
Write a essay (150-200) describing ur intended major and future goals. Plz include why you have chosen your field of interest  
  
## making dreams a reality

  
  
It is said that " Should you have dreams or intentions for the future, let effort to make it real." I was 15 and I have had a lot of intentions for my future. One of them is being a spaceman. When I was a child I always want to have a trip to space, another distant planets. Being a spaceman, you must have a physical health. Before going out of the orbit, training a course which helps me practice to get used to weightless. In the earth, we are accustomed to gravity. Therefore, to have a trip to space, I must ensure that my health is good. There is no doubt that when out of the orbit, in the space trip to the other planets we must face not only with weightless but also boredom and loneliness because the trip will be taken for a longtime. For example, in 2015, scientists had found a planet which looks like our earth such as has water, plant, or air. However, it will take us approximate 83 thousand years to get to it. In fact, by now, it is impossible to land on that planet. On the other hand, I belive that scientists will find the easier and non-time-consuming way. Despite of difficulties, impossibility, I still want to be a spaceman for several reasons. First of all, I want to find out some interesting things about other planets, which are mysterious and never be found. Second of all, I can answer myself the question whether UFOs, aliens are true or not. Third of all, because of my curiousity. And finally, pollution in our Earth makes me want to get rid of that. On the whole word, being a spaceman is my dream, my intention in the future and I will try my best to make it come true.
Ngan, this is absolutely the wrong response to the prompt. Your response sounds like a a childish paper written in elementary rather than a college level response. Show a more mature writing level and and show a sense of maturity in your essay response development. Speaking of response development, you never mentioned what your chosen major is in the essay even though it was required by the prompt. Your future goals also sounds so far fetched and impossible to attain at the moment. Lower your future goals to something attainable working the forest 5 years of your graduation. Be realistic. You must totally change your response to the prompt requirements because you failed to properly respond to all 3 points you were asked to represent in the discussion. You cannot use this version of the essay for your application.
Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or to valuable to be shared freely.  
  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.  
  
## should crucial information be confidential or not?

  
  
Collaborations between different parties is playing an essential role in various aspects of industries include scientific, business and academic.  
However, to what degree can we share the relevant information with others is still quite debatable. Some people hold the views that the more we share the better, however others prefer to censor the information before sharing.  
  
Currently, with the explosive information flood all over the world, almost all of the fast developing technologies are propelled by the shared information.It is very limited scope for these individuals who want to study themselves without acquiring any other valuable message to support. All of the giant company with high reputation across different areas such as IT, finance, and research institutions have established the specific department to collect and share the information from the industry. Moreover, through sharing the information, it significantly improves the efficiency. It is much easier to get these information from online or libraries than decades before, this is time-saving and beneficial for every individual in the society.  
  
However, some information is too confidential to be leaked to the other parties especially the core product of the company or institution. This has to be classified as several level and restrict the accessing from readers. Otherwise, the leakage of these secrets may be harmful and damage the interest of their own organization. Furthermore, some information related to the copyright has to be protected by the law, without proper restriction for these product will diminish the enthusiasm of creativity, or even violate the international law.  
  
In sum, sharing valuable information will be a mutual benefit in various aspect of the society. However, it is important that the confidential information has to be classified to protect the core interest of the organization.
Dear @kevin1983  
  
You can rearrange this sentence to be more concise and simple:  
"All of the giant company with (a) high reputation ..."  
  
there is a twist in this paragraph. You talk about companies but suddenly you change the topic to 'every individual'. Therefore, i recommend to be focused on one topic where you can give a real example related to it.  
  
In addition, I don't clearly see your opinion on the writing
**Learning about the past has no value for those of us living in the present. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.**  
  
## Lessons about past - an useless knowledge?

  
  
It is said that: " The past brings us many worthless lessons". It effects to our living in the present. Persionally, I disagree with the above statement for serveral reasons I am going to mention below.  
  
-Firstly, I strongly support that " The past is the effortion for the present". Whatever you did in the past makes the result in the present or future. For example, my first exam at school, the mark was, although bad, I didn't give up and tried my best to have good mark for the next one. Thanks to failure in the past, you can get more success in the present.  
  
-Secondly, I have heard that " If you are asleep in success, you won't find it be valuable to effort for the future.". As you know, the people, especcially, Vietnamese people usually enjoy their achievement then not continute to work. Due to that, they get more failures for the present. I find it really true that the more success you get, the less effortion you have. However, it doesn'n mean that the success we have in the past is break down our effortion in the present. You must ensure for not slepping in success. Moreover, learning about failure helps you gain more experience. To sum up, all we have now is one part of the past.  
  
In conclusion, learning about the past has value for those of us living in the present. And if you take the past into effortion, you will get more success for your living in the present.  
  
**Help me to make it better.**
## stimulating brain and controlling kids emotion

  
  
**Nowadays, parents often let their children play a lot with computers and tablets in order to improve their technological skills.  
Do the advantages of the use of this devices from an early age outweight the disadvantages?**  
  
Technological advance influences many parts of human life. Nowadays, computers and gadgets are a common thing used by children. As such, parents tend to let them to use it. Hence, I personally believe that though there is dismerits of using it but the advantages will be predominant gotten by them because of spesific reasons.  
  
To develop brain is one of reasons why it is good thing for children to play it because when these kids explore about that media with internet access. They tend to be curious to know more regarding what they did not know before. Taking playing game as an example, counterstrike, one of a war game provides some levels which can be reached by a player. furthermore this is able to stimulate them to reach sophisticated strategy when they lose with collecting an equipment war . keeping main purpuse is how to win this game. Owing to this, they do not be easier to give up.  
  
In addition, another positive impact is controlling emotional skill. By intensity of gadget usage, children will relieze when they should stop and undertake it by schedule given by their parents. More and more a lot of parents teach them by giving a freedom act. By result in this case kids learn how to be responsible on its usage. On the other hand, this technological product causes children to be addicted. For instance, when they rely on gadget, they tnd to be lazy doing some substansial activity such as preparing homework of their subject's school.  
  
The aforementiones reasons, although addicting tablets and computers will be obtained by children but the good impact are predominant for their development such as stimulating brain and controlling their emotion
Hi ..despite addressing much more benefits of playing game than its drawbacks indicating that your claim is acceptable, without deeper analysis may lead the reader to be confused with this essay. This is because the reader can argue the demerits is more predominant in spite of its less case number. Therefore, explaining the reason why both of them are either strong or weak is supposed to do in this essay.  
  
In addition, let me give you some corrections related to your grammatical error and word choices  
  
Technological advance= THE DEVELOPMENT OF TECHNOLOGY  
common THING = TECHNOLOGICAL APPLIANCES used by children.  
  
....... for children to play it . ( STOP HERE) THIS IS because when these (...) internet access, (WRITE COMMA HERE) they tend (...) know more ~~regarding~~ what they did ...  
  
Taking ~~playing game~~ ,counterstrike, one of (...) by a player AS AN EXAMPLE, THEN WHAT???.  
... to stimulate them to ~~reach~~ CREATE ~~sophisticated~~ A GREAT strategy when they lose (with collecting an equipment war) . keeping main purpOUse is how to win this game. (I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WITH THIS SENTENCE) Owing to this, they ...  
  
... given by their parents. IN ADDITION, AS More ~~and more a lot of~~ parents teach them by giving a freedom act, ~~By result in this case~~ kids learn how to ...
Hi there...., please let me give you some valuable feedback on your impressive performance.  
  
Para 1:  
- *Technological advance influences many parts of human life* ----> This hook is too commonly used and sounds too vague. If you want to state a hook, then you'd better align it with the micro keywords on your essays.  
  
- *Nowadays*,---> as long as you deal with the present time, or the discussion in comparison to the past, then it is always good to omit this phrase as more students use such a word in their opening statement, and therefore this can be categorized as one of the memorized phrases.  
  
- *Hence, I personally believe that though there is dismerits of using it but the advantages will be predominant gotten by them because of spesific reasons*. ----> This sentence achieves little impact on your thesis statement. I say this since most students working with IELTS writing task 2 are thoroughly taught to use this. This results in them relying too much on such a sentence as they cannot even create their own sentences unless the memorized one, like you did. .  
  
The head where the brain is located is the only part of the body that encompasses the organs of all five senses. Although other parts of the body are important, they all are be useless without a functioning brain. This seems like your composition in IELTS writing task 2. If you are struggling badly through how to develop a strong, clear, succinct thesis statement, then this significantly affects the following paragraphs. What stands out from the introduction will be taken into account by examiners.  
  
**Please rewrite your first paragraph. Once it is done, post it here then I'll scrutinize other parts of this essay.**  
  
Hope this helps :D
**In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?**  
  
## optimal location for business and industrial facilities

  
  
Some governments in several countries highly support that the industry and business center ought to be relocated to the outskirt area. This essay would argue that the drawbacks of the policy far outweigh the benefit.  
  
On one hand, the main benefit of industrial and business relocation is decreasing volume of traffic congestion in the city. When the policy is held, goods distribution track is shifting and some roads in the city are no longer to be used by many vehicles. Besides, as the idea comes into effect, the employees automatically migrate to area nearby the building location, leading to a decreasing population rate in the left area. For example, since Indofood, one of food manufacturers in Indonesia, located in Bekasi, has been moved far from the city, the city is free from traffic problem. However, this might create a new congestion spot in the place where the factories are to be built.  
  
On the other hand, the drawback which may appear when moving the industry and enterprise in the suburban area is environmental pollution. Industrial buildings certainly produce either liquid or gasses waste, which are often disposed improperly. Also, in the proposed place, air pollution will take place because of emitted fumes from a great number of vehicles used by employees. A report from CNN, pollutant index in Venezuela gets worst since one of the biggest companies has been relocated there. Sooner or later, the condition will bring the citizens living there at risky health, which in turn, threatens their life. This means that the demerit overpower the merit.  
  
To conclude, even though there is a benefit of the relocation of business and industry, it seems to me that the policy has a more significant drawback.
Hi,  
Firstly, I notice that the word counts are less than 250, which is below the test requirement.  
Then, although you support the drawbacks are outweigh the benefits, I cannot feel this argument from your essay. You did mentioned that the new spot may cause traffic jam, but it is too short to explain the thought you want to express. My suggestion is, if time is enough, you can write one more paragraph regarding the disadvantage, which can clear support your opinion.  
  
On the other hand, I think it is really good that you have some examples. These are the strong back up of your point of view!  
  
Hope it helps!
*Topic: **Most developed countries spend a large proportion of their health budget on expensive medical technology and procedures. This money should, instead, be spent on health education to keep people well. To what extent do you agree or disagree?***  
  
## health investments

  
  
Health care are well considered in the modern society. Most people think a huge amount of money should be invested in high cost medical equipment as well as its processes, especially in developed countries whereas other people agree spending budgets on health education is enough to get people healthy.  
  
Many people support the fact the governments put money in equipping plenty of medical gadgets and procedure because it provides accurate diagnoses and treatment. With precise and thorough analysis, it helps reduce heavy duty jobs such as evaluating samples of blood. Additionally, they likely avoid trial-and-errors which could cause serious harm and time and money consuming issues. Besides, advanced technology and procedures bring efficient support in emergency cases. For instance, a person who accidentally gets hit on the street or has a heart attack can be physically and mentally in danger without appropriate assistance from those machines. However, receiving treatment from those massively expensive medical tools means people must afford over thousands or even millions dollars. Even if people are capable of paying, it doesn't encourage healthy lifestyles as patients tend to rely too much on the high tech medical processes.  
  
A large number of people believe health education offers basic common preventative measures such as guidance on healthy lifestyles and first aids. Specifically, equipped essential knowledge about sleeping, eating and exercising habits, not only people can keep their bodies in shape, they are also able to protect themselves from many diseases. More importantly, health education is accessible to an enormous number of countries all over the world economically which means everyone can benefit from it online and offline without paying a massive amount of money. On the other hand, health care knowledge is so easy to get from forums, websites and tabloids that people tend to handle their health issues by themselves and refuse to ask for professional advice. Buying medicines without doctors' prescriptions or overusing aspirins and vitamins cause serious health problems.  
  
In a nutshell, it is believed that developed countries should spend more money on advanced medical technology and processes meanwhile others are in favor of taking care of their health through many educational channels. In my opinion, those two forms of health care are equally important; therefore, both of them should be invested properly.
Hi, I am really impressed with the way you wrote your essay. The structure is clearly understandable and easy to follow. Besides, you are successful to deliver your thought in logical order. However, I am little bit skeptical with the quality of your introductory paragraph as there was no clear thesis statement there. You need to know that thesis statement is the most important component in writing essay as this will guide the reader to know your essay content before going through the body paragraph. In addition, this part plays a pivotal role to improve the coherency of your essay. With regard to your body paragraph, it seems that its structure is more similar to discussion essay, which can be identified by your preference to write (MANY PEOPLE SUPPORT in the first body paragraph, AND A LARGE NUMBER OF PEOPLE BELIEVE in the second body paragraph), If we refer, however, to the question, the writer is actually instructed to describe their own thought regarding to the issues. Here, I said, there should be a profound distinction between discussion essay and asking opinion essay.
This is my Writing essay for the topic : ## Foreign visitors should pay more than local visitors for cultural and historic attractions. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

  
  
Please correct the content and add your own opinion. I would be really thankful !  
  
## taking money from tourists for local purposes

  
  
It is said that foreigners should pay out more money than internal guests when they come to visit cultural and historic attractions. I completely disagree with dis point of view.  
  
Firstly, it would be difficult to calculate the exact amount of money and the staff would be required to do this complex process. For example. cultural and historic sites attract not only domestic but also external visitor from around the world, and not all travelling destinations have an appropriate system that separate these types of guests. Hence, it seems to be an uphill struggle for cashiers to accomplish this task. Secondly, if the government demands higher payment from international visitors, they would consider the new rule as an impediment of choosing the nation as a place to spend on their vacation, resulting in some decreases in the number of guests and financial incomes supporting the tourism industry.  
  
In my opinion, all guests are equally important and should be treated unbiasedly. As historic and cultural places are becoming a country's national identity, it is crucial to present the nation's prides to the world through foreigners. And a way to do that is maintaining, or reducing, ticket prices and accommodation fees for external tourists. For instance, oversea guests have to pay a certain amount of money for transportation, food, etc., and they would not feel happy or comfortable to pay for another increasing bill.  
  
In conclusion, I oppose the idea that foreigners have to be required more than local visitors for tourism because they should be equally treated.
@tranvinhquang720  
Hi, I would like to give you my brief feedback about the essay. First of all, I assume this is the IELTS Writing task 2, so I would suggest you to write this in the topic too, so that we can use the IELTS criterion to comment. And if yes, it's IELTS-based, I would suggest you to develop your body paragraphs into 2 or 3 parts which can make your essay longer and informative (ideally 250 words). Simply, you choose the opinion that you support, pick up 2 topic sentences and then develop them. Second of all, do double check your essay before submitting to avoid spelling mistakes (e.g. this vs dis), also it helps you to ensure Subject and Verb agreement from which you don't make singular and plural nouns errors. Last but not least, please use more synonyms, paraphrases to enrich your vocabulary such as local, overseas, international, and foreign.  
  
Hope it helps.  
Practice makes perfect. Good luck to you!