dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationship of celebrities such as actors, singers, or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree  
  
Some believe celebrities, such as actors, singers, or footballers, are too much covered by the media, while others assume more attention should be paid on mundane people. Although there is a reason why the media often reports celebrities' lives, which is gaining profits, I would argue the media should cover both side. Thus, the principal of media can be upheld.  
  
In competitive media industries like current situation, it is undeniable fact that the media should gain profits in order to survive. So, one of the many reasons why the media cover celebrities is because this will bring benefits for media Industries. This happens because actors, singers, or footballers have thousands or even millions of fans that will follow their day-to-day activities. As a result, when the news about their idols is updated in the television, radio, or magazine, such fans will watch, listen or read that news so that the media will earn an excessive amount of money.  
  
However, the media should remember their principal when reporting topical circumstances, to be impartial. As such, it will ensure ordinary people to be covered as well, and many people can learn from their inspiring stories, such as how to live in simplicity and keep persevering no matter what the situation is. This will make people more sensitive to one another because the media can create public opinion, so that hopefully they will help to those in need. Moreover, I firmly believe many more lessons of lives will be gained when reporting mundane people's lives.  
  
In conclusion, although covering celebrities will bring significant profits, ordinary people cannot be entirely neglected. Because the role of media is not only reporting celebrities, but also ordinary citizens. Thus, it will uphold media's principal and many people can get much more information as well as see both side of the news, so a balance is required.
Hi Miftah, as I go through your essay, I must say you have created a well written essay, you made sure that the words you choose are very easy to understand and this is one thing that some writers tend to neglect, as they say, keeping it simple is the best way to go, comprehension is one thing to consider when writing, so your message will be sent across as clear as possible.  
  
Further to your essay, I have a few suggestions that will strengthen it.  
  
- Some people believe celebrities,  
- often reports the lives of celebrities~~' lives~~( the word "celebrities" does not need an apostrophe in it, it's the plural form of the word "celebrities") , which is gaining profits,however,  
  
- I would argue that the media should cover both sides .  
- Thus, the principal of media can be upheld.- I'm not sure what you mean by this sentence when you say, "the principal of media", please elaborate or rephrase"  
  
There you have it Miftah, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision, so far, the above remarks are my suggestions and I hope they are able to help you out in your revision.
@justivy03  
Hi Justivy thankyou for coming back in my thread, your feedback means a lot to me.  
Yes I am currently experimenting a lot with my writing in this forum, so if I make mistakes, I hope someone will correct me so that my writing skills will improve. Feel free for correcting my essay, any suggestion or critics will be much appreciated.  
  
Thank you in advance.  
Miftah Khairi
Hi Miftah, it's great to hear from you and here at EF, you can be sure that we will be here whenever you need us and you don't even have to write a formal essay or answer a prompt, a draft will suffice an entry and practicing to write as often as you can is always a good way to develop your writing skills and with the help of contributors, students and writers here on EF are here to back you up.  
  
For future writing reference however, mind the minor details of your sentences make sure that you include them in the essay and keep your sentences direct to the point while keeping it simple and easy to comprehend, it will also help if you use simple words, words that best describe your ideas, this way, you yourself understands the essay and you are able to convey your ideas to your readers, this is one of the most important aspect of writing.  
  
I do wish to review more of your essays soon and should you have anything in mind at all, we are here for you.
***It is pointless making children who lack artistic talent learn painting and drawing in Art classes at school. Instead, they should concentrate on other creative and practical subjects which they may have more aptitude. To what extent do you agree or disagree?***  
  
Student in Art classes is useless when they do not have both ability of painting and drawing. Then in this case, children must be focused on creative and practical knowledge to broaden their horizon and get more skills. Although creative and practical subjects are important for student, I am more likely to claim painting and drawing should be taught as a mandatory subject for all student during studying in the school since student's knowledge should balance without exception.  
  
Practical knowledge is essential for student. This is due to the fact that it makes children more easy to deal with real life situation in the future. For instance, a current survey from education ministry of Indonesia shows that 70% of student learning creative and practical subjects can produce good performance in the workplace since have much experience after go to the field. As a result, student easy to solve the problem when face with the hardness of work.  
  
However, it is inevitable that art classes would help student to reach same precentage with other subjects during studying in the school. The reason for this trend is this subject can balance student's knowledge in all subjects . A great example for this situation is United states education council released the result of survey in 2014 that showed 80% of student who learn about painting and drawing can produce a valuable product than student focusing only on practical subjects. Consequently, art classes is more effective for student rather than only study about general subjects.  
  
In conclusion, even though practical knowledge is pivotal, student should should learn about arts to equalize their knowledge while studying in the school. I recommended role of government is important to create a new curriculum involving arts subject so that all school can apply this subject and make student easy to reach a achievement.
Hi ryan31. Here are my suggestions for you.  
  
students are easy to solve the problem when they face the hardness of work.  
  
would help student to reach the same percentage  
  
... for this situation is the United states education council  
  
... student ~~should~~ should learn about arts to ...  
  
~~I recommended~~the role of government is important (...) make student easy to reach ~~a~~an achievement.  
  
For instance, a current survey from education ...  
using "in fact" rather than for instance to emphasize the ideas.  
  
I hope it can be useful for you.  
goodluck.
Hello  
You have a good summary  
I have some corrections for you  
  
... essential for student ~~This is~~ due to the fact that it makes children ~~more easy~~**easier** to deal with ...  
... current survey from ~~education ministry of Indonesia~~ Education Ministry of (...) and practical subjects ~~can~~**have chance to** produce good (...) since **they** have much experience after go**ing** to the field. As a result, student ~~easy to~~**can** solve the problem when **they** face ~~with the~~ a hardness of work.  
  
The reason for this ~~trend~~ situation is this subject ...  
A great example for this ~~situation~~ is United states education (...) product than student **just** focusing **on** practical subjects.  
... more effective for student **studying** rather than only ...  
  
Thanks
**TED Summary: Why I Read A Book A Day by Tai Lopez**  
  
Tai Lopez shared his experience how to be successful person. He suggests to the people to have plan for their future life about what they want to reach. People have to find the role model or mentor to guide them being success, which have ability to transfer their experience or knowledge. In addition, designing the life is one of the most important to pursuit the better future, for example, making plan what we will have done in 17 years-old, 22 years-old, and so forth. He said that every success person like Albert Einstein or Oprah Winfrey has mentor in their life so that having a mentor is better choice. Furthermore, he advised to divide 30% around people lower than ours and help the others to find their happiness, another 33% around people that have same level as us to become our friends, then 33% last around people that are higher than our level being our mentor.
Dear Asmaraj, Here is some suggestions for you  
  
... experience how to be **a** successful person. He suggests ~~to the~~ people to have plan ...  
~~People~~**They** have to find (...) being success, ~~which have~~**who has** ability to transfer ...  
  
In addition, designing ~~the~~ life is one of the most important **things** to pursuit the better ...  
  
Best Regards
Apple has offered its buyer new concept which called new sales program known as the Apple Certified Refurbished store to get a cheaper iPhone in the past ten years. The customer can buy refurbished iPhone 6s or iPhone 6s Plus via online market with price $449. If we compared to non-refurbished iPhone, the customers could save $100. Aside from selling iPhone 6s or 6s Plus, Apple has other products which were sale on its digital marketplace for refurbished devices such as Macs, iPods, and other items. However, there is still negative view from the public about refurbished product such as the fear of hardware malfunctions.  
  
source: time
Orestes, the minute that you presented the negative side of the discussion, you should have followed up or added the positive explanation to the summary. That way your summary covers all of the important information within the paper. While there were a number of valid positive reasons to get a refurbished Iphone included in the article, you could have taken the time to choose at least one that you believed to be the most valid reason to get a 2nd hand phone. All you would have had to do was signify that you thought this was the best reason to support the decision to own a previously owned phone. By the way, the proper term to use is "digital marketplace" and not "online market". When summarizing articles, make sure to use the term used in the original article in order to keep the original statement as intact as possible while summarizing.
Hello My Friend  
Let me give some inputs towards your writing.  
  
please pay attention to your subject+verb agreement and conjunction. if you want to explain something using the next sentence, you should have the sentence which refers to  
  
Apple has offered its buyer new concept which called >> Apple has offered its loyal customers new concept which is called  
~~new sales program known~~ as the Apple ...  
  
to get a cheaper iPhone ~~in the past ten years~~ . >> it aims to give an opportunity for everyone to get cheaper price of iPhone,  
  
The customer can buy refurbished iPhone 6s or iPhone 6s Plus ... >> for example, the buyers can purchase refurbished iPhone 6s or plus with price only $449, they can save money until $100.  
  
Good luck
**Some people think that online computer games are useful for children, while other claim is bad. What are advantages and disadvantages of online computer games for children?**  
  
Online games are valuable by several people for children, while others think it is bad for them. It is believed that even though children can learn about new languages and knowledge on this game, the usually forgetting about their responsibility to study well in particular subjects.  
  
It is generally known that with online computer games, children can broaden knowledge. It happens because online games have an unique ways for packaging their features and children playing this games can indirectly learn about new skills and abilities. Research from University of Queensland in 2010 found that 65% of children who often playing online games have showed a great understanding toward their lesson in school. Therefore, it is true that online games are useful for children to develop their knowledge.  
  
On the other hand, the negative effect of online computer games is that children usually ignore their responsibility to study. They more often visit computer games centers because it is more interested for them rather than doing their homework. The impact from this activity is that they get a bad result in many subjects. The same research in 2010 by University of Queensland claimed that 75% of children who playing online computer games have a bad grade in schools. It is acceptable that online games make children leave their time for studying.  
  
Overall, this essay is discussing about the advantages and disadvantages about online computer games for children. The benefit of this issue is that children can learn about new education, and the drawback is that children ignore their responsible as students.
Hi mem, here is some suggestions for you  
  
It is generally known that ~~with~~through online computer games...  
... online games have ~~an~~a unique way~~s~~ for packaging their features ...  
... 65% of children who are often playing online games ...  
  
Overall, **this essay is discussing about the advantages and disadvantages ...****It is better to place this sentence in your introduction rather than inconclusion part**  
  
... children ignore their ~~responsible~~responsibility as students.  
  
Best regards
Hi, let me give several advice for you, perhaps useful for your essay.  
1.Online games are valuable by ... ----> **Several people believe that online games are valuable for children.**  
2.It is believed ~~that~~ even though children (...) on this game, they usually forgetting about ...  
3.~~an unique ways~~ -----> an unique way ( remember: an is article for singular)  
4. You should be explain more clear about the benefits and the negative impacts
**Some parents think that childcare centers provide the best services for children of pre-school age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better cares for their kids. Discuss both views and give your opinion!**  
  
Some parents said that kindergarten is the best place to learn for children before entering school. While others think that family members are better for children to learn about anything. Even though teachers in pre-school age have experiences to face children with different personality, I believe that just family members have known about the best method for children to study as they have a close relationship.  
  
It is generally believed that teachers in childcare centers are accustomed to teach children with dissimilar personality. It happens because teachers try to be professional in performance of their work and also they have a lot experiences to give good services for children. For instance, a current survey by England Commission for Children Rights found that 75% of parents are comfortable with services in kindergarten and they said that their children have a good development such as linguistic and personality in childcare centers. According to this survey, it is true that teachers in childcare centers are succeed to teach children.  
  
However, close relationships with family members make them know about the best approach to teach children. It caused they know about the strength and weakness of the children, so they can use it to find the best way for teaching children. For example, in 2000 according to research by Melbourne University found that 69% relatives in Australian who do not entering their children to childcare centers have a positive result about the intelligence of their children. It caused by family members are educating children with their own ways and make it compatible with children personality. I believed this view is more acceptable as family members will be better for taking education of children.  
  
To conclude, although pre-school age has good influences on children growth, I prefer to leave children in family members because they have known the best way for children to study as they have a good connection with them.
Hi mem, here is some suggestion for your writing  
  
... try to be professional in ~~performance~~performing~~of~~ their work and ~~also they~~ have a lot experiences to ~~give good services~~ for children well .  
  
... in childcare centers are ~~succeed~~successful to teach children.  
  
... in Australian who do not enter~~ing~~ their children to childcare ...  
It is caused by family members are ...  
  
... to leave children in family members's hands because they ...  
  
Best regards
Hi mem77,  
  
Here several suggestions for your writing.  
  
Some parents said (...) for children before entering school. While others think that ...  
You may just combine this two sentences become one, as the patter should be S + V + while + S + V.  
  
... research **conducted** in Melbourne University....  
  
In addition, in your conclusion it will be better if you also put your recommendation regarding this issue  
  
Good luck
Hello  
You have a good summary  
I have some corrections for you  
  
It happens because teachers ~~try to~~**have to** be professional (...) their work ~~and also~~ . They have ~~a lot~~**many** experiences to give ...  
  
... their children have a good ~~development~~**improvement** such as linguistic ...  
  
... the best approach to ~~teach~~**take care of** children.  
  
... to childcare centers have a ~~positive result~~**good responsibility** about the ...  
  
I believed this ~~view~~**situation, the grandparents**is more acceptable ...  
  
Thanks
**In some countries, government are encouraging industries and business to move to regional area outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?**  
  
In several countries, industry and business offices have to be relocated to district areas due to council policy. Although the number of pollution can be reduced dramatically, the disadvantages of making industrial companies spent a lot of time and money to built new factories far outweigh any benefits.  
  
It is known that cities can be free from pollution if the factories are relocated to regional area. The reason for this is that factories are the largest contributor toward pollution in the environment, such as the water and the air being affected by rubbish and smoke from industries. Research from California University found that 55% of pollution in the cities is comes from industrial activities. This research then, discovered that cities relocating their factories to regional area, experienced the significant decrease of pollution by 70%. However, this would lessen the local budget earned by the city as tax coming from the factories and business do no longer exist.  
  
On the other hand, to build new industrial offices in small cities, it takes a longer time and also a high cost that companies should spend. It happens because they have to redesign their new factories, calling expert for surveying their location, and also employee experience workers to build the factories. All of these activities cannot take short times and cheap prices. I personally experienced of this issue. When my father wanted to build his factories, it took 2 - 3 years for finishing these projects. This means that the employers have to spend more budgets to succeed the project and therefore the disadvantage of such policy far outweighs its benefit.  
  
In brief, even though cities can be saved from pollution, the high cost that companies have spent for building new factories drawback its benefits.
Hello  
You have a good summary  
I have some corrections for you  
  
... factories are relocated to ~~regional~~**provincial** area.  
... the water and the air ~~being affected~~**suffered the impact** by rubbish and ...  
... 55% of pollution in the **cities**(you can use another word) is comes ...  
**By** this research ~~then~~ , discovered that cities ...  
... the factories and business ~~do no longer exist~~**cannot support again**.  
  
... companies should spend **on their budget**.  
... expert for surveying their **new** location, and also employee **that have many** experience ~~workers~~ regarding to ~~build~~**design** the factories.  
All of these activities cannot ~~take~~**do in**short times and cheap prices.  
~~I~~ My personally experienced of this issue~~.~~ , ~~When~~ when my father (...), it took 2 - 3 years ~~for~~ to finish these projects.  
... to spend more budgets to ~~succeed~~**complete their** project and ~~therefore~~ the disadvantage of ...  
  
Thanks
Tai Lopez in TED Talk, presented that everyone desires to acquire a good life, but in the real life, some of them do not get a good life. Then he illustrated, how our lives today would be if the most successful people like Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, Arnold Schwarzenegger and other famous people assisted us through their abilities in our daily activities. In addition, he asked audience how many changes that we could have done if they became our mentor. From his illustration, he narrowed down the importance of a mentor appearance in our life. This is because every person need a model role for their life and a mentor, who has power to transform our life with their ability. A moment later, he told about his journey to find his mentor through reading a book a day because in his opinions, books are treasure, and he continued to meet that people, learning about two parts of life; health and happiness in more than 51 countries.
Sari, your writing above is good; you are able to express your ideas orderly. This is the strength of your essay and you need to improve it during your next practice. However, it seems that there are several things to be considered, such as the use of punctuation mark; specifically the use of commas, and an issue with the lexical choice. Firstly, let's highlight the introductory sentence of your writing.  
  
- Tai Lopez in TED Talk~~,~~ (improper use of comma) presented that everyone desires to acquire a good life, but in the real life, some of them do not get a good life.  
  
**I have an alternate version of the above sentence as follows:**  
  
- *Tai Lopez in TED Talk presented that everyone desires to acquire a good life, but not all people get it in the real life.*  
  
You used the word "good" in the original sentence which can make your essay looks less good. Try to avoid keeping use the same word over and over. You can use the synonym to overcome this problem. Also, don;t forget that practice more will make your writing better.