dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The direct question being asked in the prompt requires a direct response in the writer's opinion, with the proper build up of the discussion topics to follow. That is because the question is part of the clarity of opinion consideration for the paragraph. When the writer does not provide a direct response to the question, the paragraph is incomplete and cannot be given a passing score. The inclusion of the writer's opinion in the concluding statement would have been correct had it not focused on the topic of health as the drawback idea. Remember that the response to the question has to be presented twice. Once in the introduction to the topic and thesis statement.  
  
hemorrhoids,etc...  
Do not use etc. to close any sentence in the task 2 task. That is because it leaves a sentence open ended rather than closed, specially when used at the end of a paragraph.  
  
On one hand  
However,  
These are incorrect connecting devices as these represent opposing idea presentations. The 2 paragraphs are actually connected topics so it would have been better to say "For starters" and then "Additionally" (for example). Or, even better, use topic sentences to launch the paragraphs so that the examiner will immediately understand what the paragraph will be about and he can assess if the topics are related in consideration of the transition device score.
The outline of the essay is great, but I believe that in 40 minutes the ideas could have been developed a little more. On the introduction, you forget to state your thesis clearly  
  
I would substitute the sentence "However, working with a computer may cause some health problems. It also has a lot of advantages." for " Despite the use of computers being a potential cause for many health problems, its advantages are undeniable". A good use of vocabulary can take your writing to the next level !  
  
Overal I like this essay!
## Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts

  
  
Arts is one of the most important aspects in life. I disagree with the opinion that spending money on the arts is a waste. It has a separate role in the society, arts will improve the mental health for a certain group and that contain the story or the culture of the civilization.  
  
First of all, when society develops, it is the time for people to have more intention about their mental life. Arts is one of the ways that free their soul. For example, a picture can describe many different feelings, each person will have to feel a part of the meaning that the author wants to demonstrate. Harmony of soul helps people to fulfill their loss of soul or it is simple to satisfy the people who have a passion for the arts. Not only the picture, but also other artwork helps to develop the mental health of people. So, governments spend money on the arts which are the ways to help inhabitants reform their mental health.  
  
Secondly, arts will change during each period, it contains many meanings of history. Each of the different regions has a distinct way to express themselves separately, it is the reason why arts is one of the best ways to understand a civilization's history. The researcher depends on others remaining on the arts to learn about the culture, other relations and events in history. Thus, it is incorrect to say that the government's investment in the arts is a waste of money.  
  
Conclusion, Arts bring to many the advantage and it is to difficult to summary that government should invest other better than those. It is because the arts not only improve mental health for people in society, but also help researchers find out other factors to understanding many things in the past.
Creating an immediate discussion point in the opening statement has created a failing TA score for this particular paragraph. The first paragraph is a requirement that needs to represent all of the original information using a different set of words. So the fact that the "government" was not mentioned in some way in this paragraph has altered the prompt topic and created a prompt deviation will will result in an automatic failing score. That is, in addition to the personal opinion presented in the opening sentence (another error), and the lack of a proper extent response are all reasons that the essay will be seen as not providing the correct answer format for the task. So the essay has already received a preliminary failing score that it may not be able to overcome. Next time, represent the original theme and response format first. Then do as you please in terms of discussion in the reasoning paragraphs, you cannot do as you please before then.
## what kind of knowledge gained at schools?

  
  
Many people believe that the education system these days focuses on the traditional subjects such as biology and history rather than soft and advanced skills that can help the student find a job. I strongly agree with their point of view for different reasons .  
  
First of all, despite all traditional subjects being vital ,a student must learn how to find a job and how to start his own bussiness in order to get money. Schools' aim is to bring up educated people but how can this vision come true without the rest of the real-life skills being learnt for instance I believe that a subject that can help you calculate the taxes and teach you how to save money is essential .  
  
Second, many traditional subjects can be optional such as languages so why not adding a subject that can help the student in making their c.v more advanced and well orgainzied sometimes students have the potential and the qualifications for the job but unfortunatly because they can't present themself in a proper way using documents they can't get the job .  
  
Moreover, if a person learnt all the provided courses in their school , still getting a job is not fatale and that's due to that not all the schools have an internship course for the students. In addition , most of the students don't know what they should do in a job interview sometimes not even finding a suitable job opportuinty that suits them , having optional courses if not even required ones can change this phenomenon and help the majority of students in finding work .  
  
In conclusion, I think that physics, math and history are important but they are not enough for creating a successful generation ready for life .Providing them with other skills to help them take part in the society is indespensible for creating a better future not just for them but also for their future families and countries.
The writer's rewording of the original prompt is problematic because the phrase   
  
that can help the student find a job.  
is a direct cut and paste from the original presentation. As such the paraphrasing is not acceptable and will be give a failing score since the writer was unable to use word equivalents and could not show a personal interpretation of the original topic. This has affected the strength of his personal opinion which is also weak since it does not carry the summarized version of his reasoning paragraphs. He was unable to convince the examiner that he has a degree of English comprehension and interpretation skills that could help him complete a higher education level education in an English speaking country.  
  
Schools'  
Incorrect use of a proprietarial apostrophe. The writer is indicating a plural form of the word which should have used the +S presentation instead of ownership, which is signified by the use of an apostrophe after a +S.  
  
Upon a deeper review, the student shows an inability to properly use punctuation marks in his presentation, the result of which will be a failing GRA score and, quite possibly a failing overall score. Other reasons for the failing score will be the way the student uses contractions in an essay that is meant to show a formal writing ability based on English language writing rules.  
  
I think  
The writer will lose points for suddenly changing his opinion in the concluding summary. This phrase contradicts his opening statement opinion and no longer follows the required writing format.
## activities of unemployed people in the uk

  
  
The given table illustrates the percentage of time which the stand-off persons in Britain spent their free time in the previous year.  
Overall, hunting, shopping, and housework are three activities which the unoccupied persons expended the most of time, contrast to drinking and playing sports outlaid the least time.  
  
In particular, while men distributed quitely equally their leisure time for job hunting, shopping, and housework averagely 20% for each other, women spent roughly 50% their time in the morning to do housework. In contrast, drinking (3%) and playing sports (4%) were two options taking average least time in male in the afternoon; However, it just was 0% in females. In the afternoon, a remarkable drop in the proportions of three popular activities was recorded. Particularly, the out of work male just spent about 10% of their spare time for each other. In spite of this decrease, females still used the most time for housework (21%), surpassing noticeably the corresponding number of males.  
  
Meanwhile, it seems to be that having two of the given activities was spent gradually and equally regardless of gender factors, that were visiting friends or relatives and reading. Nevertheless, there was a predominance in the unemployment of women over men in visiting friends (17%) and reading (10%) in the afternoon.  
  
In addition, regarding gender and the time in day, there were two significant differences in the percentage of gardening and the one of watching TV. Obviously, the former in the unoccupied males was importantly higher than females, 14%, 2%, respectively. In total, unemployment favored doing the latter in the morning (16%) over the afternoon (1%) in contrast to staying in bed.  
  
*
While the task can be assessed as well analyzed and written, the problem with the presentation is that it went beyond the 150-200 word limitation. This is the limitation that allows the writer to quickly analyze and report on the information within the 20 minute time limit. At 275 words, this is already a task 2 essay that needs a time limit of 40 minutes to complete. So this will be the reason why the writer will not pass the test. He cannot complete such a long essay within the time limitation for it. It will be incomplete and less that stellar in presentation. So this particular piece of writing should not be assessed for quality and passability since it does not represent how the writer will actually perform within the 200 word maximum and 20 minute time limit. It is important that my assessment be based on an accurate representation of the writer's work within exam center settings. Kindly upload a different essay that follows the correct formatting requirements for proper assessment and scoring. I will wait for it. That means 4 paragraphs with only 150-200 words written in it.
***The best way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home for work, education and shopping.***  
  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
MY ANSWER:  
It is a common belief that in order to curb traffic volume, it is vital for people to reduce their need for daily commuting. Personally, I think that although this solution does benefit the traffic in some ways, it would be unworkable and there are more acceptable methods.  
  
Although distant working and shopping have been more and more popular these day, reducing the need for people to commute is impractical. No matter how efficiently technology allow people to work, study or carry out only transactions, most of us still prefer face-to-face interations, perpetuating the need to travel. For example, business choose to hold direct meetings in lieu of online meetings, except during the covid 19 pandemic, since face-to-face interactions enable them to discuss more clearly and effectively, not to mention tons of disadvantages of distant working. Therefore, with our society still putting a significant amount of importance on real life day-to-day conversations and interactions, the proposed scheme would not work.  
  
Instead of gorvernment reducing the need for people to commute daily, facilitating public tranport may be a more superior alternative solution. If people choose public transport to travel, not only does it help to commute without causing congestion, but it also reduces the amout of emission released from private vehicles. Take Japan as an example, by investing significantly in building elevated and underground railways, Japan has managed to reduce traffic volume considerably, easing congestion on road. As a result, by upgrading facilities of puplic transport, people will be more encouraged to use and thus, protect the atmostphere.  
  
In conclusion, although reducing the need of people's daily commuting to alleviate traffic is beneficial to some extents, I am convinced that improving public transport has more advantages that are worth consideration  
  
@nnlinh2610
This is an extent essay that requires the writer to define his response based on the measured / emotional descriptions often associated with this prompt. The writer actually failed to address the prompt correctly in 2 instances:  
  
1. He does not restate what areas of life need to reassessed in order to curb the amount of trafficl  
2. He does not indicate the degree of his disagreement with the statement and the reasons for this disagreement.  
  
Therefore, the essay has not met the task accuracy requirements as required for the prompt restatement + writer's opinion section. That paragraph will meet with a failing preliminary TA score. The lack of clear opinion and proper response format has already doomed the final score to a failing one. Once the prompt restatement + writer's opinion is incorrect, the essay is no longer within passing consideration.
Question:  
***In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way.***  
## Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

  
  
Living in the fast-consuming Society, advertisement has played an influential role in the market. Enterprise tends to emphasis on the innovation of their products on the commercial. While, some people consider that focusing on the newest is an effective way to attract customer, I believe that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages of this development.  
  
Beginning with the reasons why producers want to put emphasis on latest idea on adverts. Firstly, purchasers are more likely to be attracted by those sensational words directly and instantly. Secondly, being label as new inventions can show the differences and specialty from other competitors. The more the commercial are emphasizing on new messages, the more interest the business can inspire.  
  
Admittedly, this strategy which centralized the novelty can be profitable to the company. However, from the consumers' perspective, there are more harms than benefits. First of all, producers are used to exaggerating the advantages of those cutting-edge products in an advert . Moreover, putting too many efforts on developments can lead to neglecting the quality and function of the products. For example, I was defrauded by a computer advertisement which aimed to popularized the upgrade system. However, it turned out that the newer one work worsen than former one. This is a common situation when consumers are misled by the adverts and being attracted by the innovation.  
  
To conclude, for the reasons stated above. I believe that focusing on the latest part of the good too overly is a negative trend which lead consumer to fall victim to sensational marketing trick.
Look at the way that the original statement positions the prompt requirements. Since the writer is expected to give his own version of the prompt, it is understood that the writer will follow the same statement positioning. So, the writer should have positioned his prompt, for clarity as follows:  
  
*Enterprise tends to emphasis on the innovation of their products on the commercial. Living in the fast-consuming Society, advertisement has played an influential role in the market. I believe that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages of this development.*  
  
See how the strength of statement becomes clearer and more task accurate when the correct positioning of the reworded prompt is presented? By properly positioning the sentences, there is no need for inaccurate thought additions in the presentation. The 3 sentence requirement is well met and delivers the information needed.  
  
I have to point out though, that the writer's opinion is an inaccurate response to the given statement as it alters the discussion format from positive or negative to advantages v. disadvantages. That means, the writer will not get a passing score for the paragraph because the response format, in terms of the writer's opinion, is incorrect and does not follow the correct prompt instruction.  
  
The overall discussion is also not in accordance with the discussion requirements since it does not focus on the positive or negative development discussion. There was no need to discuss the reasons for emphasizing the newness of the product. Only the second paragraph will be scored as it aligns itself with the positive or negative discussion. The discussion part is under developed and will not receive full scoring marks.
Let me correct some of your mistakes in your essay. You made a lot of mistakes !  
~~emphasis~~ => emphasize (1st paragraph , line 1)  
~~customer~~ => customers (1st paragraph, line 3)  
~~While,~~ : delete the comma (1st paragraph, line 2)  
latest => the latest : remember to add the article "the" before superlative (2nd paragraph, line 1)
## employment rates - graph analysis

  
  
The bar graph below shows the employment rates of men and women in four different countries, South Africa, Chile, Finland, Norway in 2002.  
  
Overall, it is clear that the proportion of men working is always higher than women in four countries. It is also evidence that the employment figures in both Finland and Norway of the two sexes is relatively close. The opposite is true in Chile where the employment percentage has the biggest gap between the two genders.  
  
Looking at the bar graph more closely, one can see that nearly 80 percent in Norway were in work, which makes them the group with the highest employment rate out of the four countries. Chile and Finland followed closed behind at roughly 70 percent. However, the percentage of South African men that had jobs were low compared to the others countries,at only 50 percent. As was the case with men, Norway also had the highest women employment rate, at above 70 percent. Finland was second with around 67%. The rates in South Africa and Chile were lower, both only has only one-third of women working. Moreover, Chile female employment rate is only half when compared to their counterparts.  
  
*
The summary overview is difficult to follow becausethe writer chose to use a single sentence to represent information that should have been clearly spread out over 3 sentences, excluding the trending statement. The use of run-on sentences in the summary overview is a common mistake among ESL students which often results in a failing GRA and C+C preliminary score. Next time, aim for clarity by spreading out the information over several sentences. Nobody has ever lost points for it in the actual test. They actually gain points for it.  
  
A trending statement refers to a particular trend that carries a commonality for all the countries involved. It does not mean that the writer needs to say something about each country, making it look like a trend, when it clearly is not. That affects the clarity of the trending statement since, in this case writer was not serving up a trend anymore but rather, offering a reporting paragraph already.  
  
The writer has incorrectly formatted this essay by only providing a single reporting paragraph. The task 1 essay is always composed of 2 reporting or analytical paragraphs. The summary overview and trending statement is not considered a part of the reporting paragraphs.
In 2006  
a survey in 2007  
The reference materials are too old to be considered valid sources of information for the article. In order for these portions to be acceptable, the writer must use information sources no more than 5 years as a basis. These references are at least 16 years old. Far more advance information in relation to the discussion are already available to the writer. Update the data in the paragraph to be more relevant and in tune with current information and trends. Use more applicable technology integration reports that are readily available online from FB, Insta, Twitter, or any other social media source.  
  
My thesis will support  
Present the acutal thesis without this reference phrase. It lessens the academic credibility of the paragraph and shows that the writer is not familiar with college level writing requirements.  
  
According to a Canadian study  
What study? Where is the actual data? Use a properly cited source to strengthen this claim. The essay is based too much on hearsay and invalid information sources at this point. The writer should make a greater effort to use the most current infomation available in relation to this topic.  
  
Becky Bolt wrote this article over 15 years ago.  
Aside from the obvious age and irrelevance of this article, it should not be used as a main reference source due to lack of information validity. What is the article title? Where was it published? Why was the article highly relevant at that time?  
  
\*Limited review provided due to the length of the paper. Kindly contact me privately for private review possibilities. Thank you.