dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Okay, this a modified opinion paper based on a novel. That means, you still need to follow the rules regarding writing novel reviews. Which means, your presentation is a bit off base in its presentation. You will need to revise the presentation based on my observations of your writing, if you want to that is.  
  
For starters, the opening paragraph needs to give a better synopsis presentation. As a person who has not read the novel yet, I did not really get a clear picture of who these characters are, the importance of the dog, and why I should care about reconciling the main characters. You should assume that the mother and daughter need to be reminded of what they went through, just in case they have chosen to ignore certain instances in the story as most people are prone to do after going through a horrible situation.  
  
Spot seems to be the central character in the story. So explain more about the dog. What did he represent for each woman and why? What sort of relationship did the dog have with each character? How does that explain how each person dealt with the loss of the dog? Do not use exclamation points. A doctor would never shout at his patients.  
  
As a professional, never say something was a terrible idea. Frame it in a professional manner. It is not a terrible idea, it was instead, ill-timed or, not well planned. A professional tone should always be in in plan since the letter should be coming from a counselor. Do not order any character to do something. Imply it, suggest it. Never command it. A counselor knows how to use encouraging words to help mend relationships. You cannot mend a relationship just by ordering that they do so.
Hi, I'm aiming to get a 7+ band in IELTS. Please help me to check my essay. Much appreciate!  
  
*Some educationalists say that every child should be taught how to play a musical instrument.*  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
**Total words: 283**  
Since musical instruments such as piano, trumpet and violin... have been demonstrated to have numerous merits for humane, many specialists in education claim that it is essential for children to learn to play an instrument. From my perspective, I am in definite support of this contention.  
  
To begin with, teaching children how to play an instrument has some certain disadvantages. First, it can be time-consuming if children don't like the instrument that they learn. Without patient and passion, a child can easily drop out of the process when being an amateur. Second, it costs parents a great deal of money if they want their children can play a musical instrument smoothly. Since learning to play an instrument is a long term investment, the expense is absolutely not small at all.  
  
However, despite some minor downsides, I believe that learning how to play an instrument owns many more benefits in comparison. The most obvious one is that it helps children gain more confidence towards their friends. If a child is not good at studying, then knowing how to play an instrument can make her or him have aspect to proud of. Therefore, having the ability to play an instrument is a great tool for children to be self-confident.  
  
In addition, playing an instrument is proved to have positive mental effects on individuals. Not only does it increase ones' intelligence, but it also prevents handful of mental illnesses such as sleeplessness, stress,... These are really necessary for each person in this innovative era.  
  
In conclusion, although teaching children how to play a musical instrument has some risks, I have a great belief that every child should be given opportunity to learn an instrument as its merits outweigh all downsides.
I am in definite support of this contention.  
- Based on what reasons? List 2 reasons that you plan to discuss in the 2 reasoning paragraphs that will strongly support and convince the reader that your opinion is correct. The idea, is to add clarity to your opinion for a better TA score based upon how well you understood the question and discussion instructions. Others claim it is better not to offer an outline of discussion points. However, my students have always found it useful to enumerate the discussion points for their reference while writing. That way the essay stays on point and does not deviate from the reasoning and response format.  
  
You cannot use 2 punctuation marks simultaneously. That will cost you GRA deductions. Use a comma or use the ellipse. Never use both one after another. That shows a lack of English punctuation usage knowledge on your part. Additionally, you will notice that this is not a dual public point of view + personal opinion essay. Therefore, the presentation is complete within 4 paragraphs. You only need 2 reasoning paragraphs for single opinion discussion essays. It only becomes 3 reasoning paragraphs when indicated in the original discussion instructions. Use the default 2 reasoning paragraphs unless instructed to do otherwise.  
  
Your conclusion is a run on sentence. You need at least 2 sentences or 40 words to complete this presentation. 3-5 sentences gets you maximum scoring potential. Summarize the discussion. Do not continue the discussion in that paragraph like you did here. That creates an open ended rather than concluded essay.
## **The use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction among many people in society.**

  
*Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?*  
  
Rising debate over whether social media is starting to become the norm for the large percentage of the population stirs up controversy over many experts. While many people believe this trend is a necessary innovation for the new era, the others judge that this development has eradicated the conventional ways of communicating.  
  
On the one side of the argument, social media has brought many people the advantage of distant communications. The biggest and most apparent merit of social media is the fact that it connects people despite their physical bounds. By means of video calls, phone calls and text messages, people, such as parents and children, are able to keep track of each other even when they are nations apart. Furthermore, in the turmoil of the COVID pandemic that we are living in, these forms of interpersonal communication is absolutely favourable. Social distancing means that people cannot come into close proximity with one another, but with the help of technology, families and friends can now keep in touch and care for each other.  
  
However, we should not be in the misapprehension that social media has little or no consequences. Firstly, the growing use of online conversation is not analogous to the amount of verbal languages being used. Because users have a habit of using abbreviated words on social networks, they are not able to communicate by formal sentences. Secondly, being online at all times while avoiding human interactions indirectly make the person develop the fear of real human interactions. As an example, most of the programmers chose to work from home, by doing that they avoid human interactions and eventually gets more nervous among people.  
  
In conclusion, having made contrasts between the two opinions, I believe that the advantages does not outweight the disadvantages. Thus, we should have a way of incorporating the use of social media and meeting people face to face in order to maximize the effectiveness of the former, while remaining the traditions of the latter.
Third paragraph => Do not start a sentence with a preposition (in this case, 'because'). Instead, either reword the sentence as to diminish the error or conjoin it with the previous sentence.  
  
Last paragraph / conclusion => Change 'does' to 'do', for subject-verb agreement; change 'remaining' to 'retaining', the former does not make as much sense in context.  
  
Overall, this is well-written. Aim to include more specific examples every time you make a claim as it will gain sophistication in your writing and aid you in veering away from the sphere of the general.
@chinhsy2  
Hi,  
  
I would like to share some of my comments to your writing  
  
I think you have done a great job with this writing I would only make some suggestion on your writing.  
  
Firstly I think your introduction needs to includes your overview on the use of social media, and how you think the advantage might outweigh the disadvantage, and make a brief statements on what your discussion will be in your body.  
  
Secondly, start with a topic sentences and support with facts,make comparison with example and than reiterate your topic sentence, I think for every advantage there would always be disadvantage to the issues given, thus this will make up your paragraphs. And also in your summary I would suggest give your final opinion on why you think that through your discussion you have strongly believe to be true.  
  
Thirdly, Always remember to use commas to separate ideas or linking clauses.  
  
Finally, use formal words, for example new era would be modern era to make the tone of your writing formal.  
  
I hope these comments will help you.
Hi everyone, I am aiming for band 7+ in writing, so I have practiced a few topics and uploaded to this forum, thanks so much for your time and assistance!  
  
## **All cars that burn fossil fuels should be banned and electric cars should replace them.Do you agree or disagree?**

  
  
There is an opinion that primarily vehicles powered by nonrenewable fuel sources, namely petroleum and diesel oil, should be replaced by electric cars. Given that electric cars are more environmentally-friendly and that they can tackle the pollution issue, I strongly agree with this statement.  
  
Instead of driving the traditional fuel automobiles, we can pose less harm to the environment by driving electric cars. In other words, this will emit less chemical gas which is pernicious to the Ozone Layer and contributes to global warming. Many people have been suffering from climate change and its knock-on effects, such as drought and famine. Although driving automobiles with renewable energy sources like electric cars is not a silver bullet to the deteriorating climate problem, it is irrefutable that it can help relieve the situation, at least to a certain extent.  
  
On the other hand, restraining traditional cars can curb air pollution issues. The burning of fossil fuels in these cars produces detrimental chemicals which are the culprit of air pollution in many cities. The respiratory system of humans can be seriously harmed by these air pollutants, deterring some people from staying in metropolises. This is exemplified by the growing number of inhabitants in big cities, especially for those with respiratory problems such as asthma, choosing to migrate to the outskirts in recent decades.  
  
In conclusion, the inhibition of fossil-fuel-burning cars can be conducive to both the environment and our health. If governments determined to limit the usage of all these cars and encourage driving electric cars, the world would be a better place to live in.
Do not aim too highly in terms of scoring at this point. You have a long way to go before reaching the 7 band score. You did a good job of restating the discussion topic and the reason for the presentation. However, you presented an extent response when a simple, moderate response was required. All you had to say was whether you agree or disagree with the presentation. No measured response is required always use the proper response format for the essay, based on the given question so that your opinion will be appropriately presented to the examiner.  
  
Your supporting paragraph is not strong enough. You are only presenting reasons, but you are not discussing or developing your line of thought. The paragraph needs to be balanced in terms of a single topic, supporting points, and a clear example to support your explanation. It is not the number of reasons that are scored but rather, the clarity of your opinion presentation. You only need 2 supporting discussion points in this essay. One for each paragraph.  
  
There is no need to present the alternate point of view discussion because you were not instructed to do that in the prompt. When you present an opinion that is not required, the tendency of the examiner will be to mark down your essay because you are blurring the discussion and removing the strength of your support for your chosen opinion. Therefore, the body of paragraphs removes the clarity of your opinion, which will affect your TA score in the end. So there is no "on the other hand" discussion presentation. Only presentations, in 2 paragraphs, using 2 supporting reasons, that offer the strength of your opinion through a clear and fully developed explanation.  
  
Good work on summarizing the topic presentation and reasons. Giving a closing opinion helped tie the paragraph together. However, the problem still remains in terms of the discussion paragraph sections.
## Islip town centre

  
  
*The maps below show the centre of a small town called Islip as it is now, and plans for the its development. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.*  
  
The given maps depict two versions of Islip town centre: the one in the mean times and the one which is planned for its development. Overall, it is clear to see the most noticeable change will be the new construction of a dual carriageway around the town centre, in replace of the one way road.  
  
To be more detailed, the shops on the north side of the main road will be replaced by various new areas: bus station, shopping centre, car pack and new housing, while the shops on the other sides will be kept. Next, the main road will be changed into the pedestrians-only road in the middle of the town centre. The park area will be minimised in the planned development.  
  
Besides changes, the school is seen to be kept in the plans for development, with a little extended area. Housing in the southern part of the town centre will be kept, with an addition of new housing nearby the park.  
  
Thank you very much for spending time reviewing my essay!  
  
*
Build your English vocabulary. You need to learn about alternate word usage, also known as synonyms. These are alternate words that you can use to describe keywords from the original presentation. The use of other types of descriptions will help you get a better LR and GRA score due to the increased English word reference point. Maps could be; illustrations, development plans, image reference points, picture, plan, sketch, among others. There is a grammar structure error: "in replace of the one way road" should be, "In place of the one way road". Again, the word usage is the problem in that presentation. You should know the meaning of English words, which will help you to use it in the proper sentence context. It appears to me that you have to focus on your English vocabulary and word usage skills more than anything else. You did a good job of explaining the drawings, you just had a problem with word usage. So I would like you to focus your lessons on that to help you avoid points deductions in the LR and GRA sections.
## application to be selected as a Chevening awardee

  
  
I believe communication skills are necessary for networking. Networking is great for sharing ideas and knowledge, people use to build social networks or social relationships with others through various platforms. In my opinion, forming a connection does not only require communication skills but also must be influential. The connection is the most important thing in life.  
  
In 2019, I decided to work as a Village Facilitator for the Peat Restoration Agency of Indonesia (BRG RI). Peat care village is a program that functions to restore the hydrological function of the peat ecosystem. During the dry season in 2019, 60 village facilitators from 7 provinces discussed the initiative to take action to tackle peatland fires in their respective villages. We agreed to distribute N-95 masks to priority villages affected by the fire smoke. The distribution is prioritized for small children, pregnant women, and residents with special needs. I empowered women to improve the economy through purun product crafts from all villages on the island of Sumatra. As a fresh graduate, the things that I got on campus became more and more developed. Through this work, I have had the opportunity to grow my network. I had the opportunity to discuss with representatives of government agencies, health institutions, infrastructure, services, education, and others. I realize that the success of a program must be supported by the collaboration of each stakeholder. As a result, the village under my guidance is free from forest and land fires and has been able to run the economy through purun products. This success strengthened the trust between villagers and extension workers, making it easier for future program planning. Besides that, I also learned a lot from the many people I met during the process. Indirectly, connections and communications are made professionally and personally.  
  
If I am selected as a Chevening awardee, I will be able to join Chevening communities to develop my network with fellow international students in the UK. Upon the completion of my study, I plan to maintain this relationship by developing social media (Instagram, Whatsapp Group, Facebook, Twitter) as communication tools to share our stories. I believe that sharing various Chevening scholarship activities can provide new insight to others, and of course, open up useful discussion spaces. Through many relationship-building activities, I believe that this will impact my future career.
This is more of a leadership and influencing essay instead of a networking essay. You have shown that you have the ability to negotiate, plan, and enact activities. Your sense of empowering women and pushing to get things done as a fresh graduate shows leadership potential. Do not use this as a networking essay as it is not classified as one. Instead, develop the discussion more on the side of leadership and influencing based on a local government scale. That way, you show your actual potential to become a national leader in the future. You have the potential to create a strong leadership and influencing essay with this paper. You should not use it as a networking essay. Instead, write a new networking essay that instead, discusses how you created a network of companies and support groups to help you build an image as an efficient networking developer. Connect the network to your leadership essay based on the need for these companies to assist in your plans for this project. If you can connect the two essays, without mixing them up in the networking essay, then you will have a strong networking essay presentation.
(Here is your essay after being checked)  
  
Government  
  
committing the severe crime.  
  
Given the humanitarian assistance ...  
Data from the immigration department...  
relatively peaceful situation~~s~~  
  
However, in the result ...  
Government does not want to see.  
... ~~so as~~ to increase the understanding of ...  
  
A closed camp is ~~definitely~~ a violation ...  
Set ~~with reference to~~ concerning that ...  
  
The international image ...  
..., certainly it will not be pleasant for our image.  
  
The extraordinary cost of ...  
~~the~~ humanitarian assistance is a waste ...  
~~With reference to~~ Regarding the Vietnamese boat Camp in the 1980s, ... still much cheaper ... The tremendous cost is foreseeable.  
  
Impact on Hong Kong  
  
~~In accordance with~~ Under ... in the 1980s,  
... claimants do not deserve a financial aid which has a similar ... However, taking into account ~~of~~ management,~~a~~ financial assistance ... is ... All the management, ~~manpower~~ human resources, site ...  
  
... expect ~~the~~ law and order ... ~~With regard to~~ Concerning the type ...  
reducing the number of ... order ~~so as~~ to improve ...  
  
One of the ~~key~~ critical problems ...  
... for the Immigration Department.  
  
... are as follows.  
  
... will bear the less social and ...  
  
The reasons ~~of~~ for claimants committing the crime ...  
... contribute to ~~the~~ society ...  
  
The government does not recommend ...  
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... many claimants were committing the crime, ...  
... which does not ... The Government ... to maintain ~~the~~ law and order ... ~~so as~~ to shorten ...
## boarding schools for kids

  
  
Question:  
Some people feel that boarding schools are an excellent option for children, while other people disagree for a number of reasons. consider both sides of this debate and reach a conclusion.  
  
Answer:  
Some believe that boarding schools are the best for children to study. However, this idea is not entirely straightforward. Some people argue the opposite side because of several reasons. This essay will discuss the debate and give a concluding view.  
  
On the one hand, those who support study in boarding schools believe some educational benefits children can have. This includes an extra focus on study and more participation in extracurricular activities. Another argument is children will develop some good characteristics while studying in boarding schools. For instance, care and responsibility. These qualities might be induced in children because they have to take care of their daily routine tasks on their own. Finally, it might be said that children will learn to be independent. As a result of this, they will learn a lot of life skills as they try to take care of their needs.  
  
On the other hand, opponents of this view, point out that children will have a lack of parent's care and love if they choose to study in boarding schools. Another reason is some children may feel homesickness sometimes as they are residing away from family. This may result in stress or some mental health problems for children. The outcome of this may affect their study or they can lead to bad habits.  
  
In summary, it appears that children can get a better study, develop some good qualities, and learn to be independent while studying in boarding school. However, it does not seems a prime idea as they lack family love and face so many problems because they live alone and far away from home.
We do not offer scoring of essays for non-URGENT postings. Scoring is reserved only for URGENT and privately reviewed essays. Any student that scores and essay for another student will be suspended.  
  
Ignore the advise above about your essay not coming in at the word count. You have written the correct number of words for this essay, 269 words. Just enough to get a maximum scoring considerations all around. The main problem with your essay is that it runs counter to the comparative discussion format. Which tells me that you just made up the discussion requirements for this essay. You will never be asked to come to a conclusion in a Task 2 essay. You will be asked to compare 2 points of view then offer your own opinion instead.  
  
Your first sentence does not make sense. Boarding school is not the best for children to study. Rather, it is the best PLACE for children to study. The actual discussion is missing the personal opinion paragraph. You are supposed to write the personal point of view before you write the concluding paragraph. The concluding paragraph, should only offer a summary of the given information in the discussion or reasoning paragraphs. You cannot close this essay in this manner, you will not get a passing score with this type of discussion and presentation. There are errors in spelling, along with coherence and cohesiveness issues in this essay which, when combined, will result in an unexpectedly low score for you.