dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
There is a direct question being asked in the original prompt. Do you agree or disagree with the given statement? You did not respond to the question directly, which is what this discussion format required. You have changed the discussion instruction from "do you agree or disagree?" to "The essential role teachers plan in learning." Which is a total deviation from the given original topic. As such, your TA score will definitely be failing for 2 reasons:  
  
- Prompt deviation  
- Lack of clarity of opinion  
  
Whichever reason the examiner chooses to use will still be a failing score for your TA section. When you change the discussion theme, you fail. When you do not offer a clear opinion where required, you fail. When you present a comparative discussion as you did here, while a single opinion defense was required, you fail again. You need to make sure that you understand the required discussion topic and how to discuss it if you want to pass this test.  
  
Your essay is mainly focused on explaining a teaching style rather than the effectiveness of a teacher in person rather than using computer based learning. You have not presented the discussion based on the discussion clues that were presented in the original prompt. Your failure to analyze the discussion topic from the original presentation is what prevented you from discussing what could have been a passing essay. If the prompt had only been the wrong one that you presented in this essay, you would have gotten a passing score.
Great work! Here are a few suggestions from a pair of fresh eyes  
"Many people ... ,teachers do not have an important ..."  
- the sentence feels a bit off, try *teachers no longer play an important role in the classroom*  
  
"Taking a look at other aspects, teachers still play ..."  
-needs a little bit of rewriting. you are right, teachers are essential to student mental development and connections. I would highlight that in your thesis  
  
"Also, in some particular classes, students  ~~still~~ need ... them ~~to~~  through study and practice"  
  
"... task for the learning in creative and thinking class (sounds off, rewrite) if they do not have teachers to guide ... the beginning and obviously, computers do not solve this problem" -doesnt sounds "professional". Maybe include a side note to why computers can't. or why encouragement is important to student development.  
  
"For example, the studying ability of students ... for their students. (maybe divide into 2 sentences. Are you trying to say that the students have different learning styles? if so mention why computers would be a bad choice for individual students) Moreover, teachers who have ... of frustration and impatience." -Rewrite to form a better sentence structure.  
  
" the computer is popularly used in ..."  
-I would say that computers are just tools and mediums. yes they could teach but going to school is so much more and that is why teachers are important guides
Could you have a look at my essay ? Every contributions is priceless. Thank you  
  
***Climate change is one of the most dangerous threats that humans ever faced. It is projected to affect billions of people in the future.***  
## What are the causes of climate change?What could be done to solve this problem?

  
------------------------------------My Essay-------------------------------------  
Climate change has been considered the most pressing issue that could result in catastrophic weather events. Billions of people are predicted to be severely endangered in the future. Therefore, the reasons leading to climate change should be taken into consideration and there are some resolutions in response to those impacts.  
  
There is a myriad of factors that accelerate climate change but fossil fuel and deforestation are considered as the main contributors to this extreme event. Carbon dioxide, the key element that causes climate change, is discharged through the process of burning fossil fuel along with other greenhouse gases. Those airborne substances let the sun's light get through them but prevent the heat from escaping. As a result, the trapped heat leads to an increase in overall temperature, which promotes climate change. Besides, deforestation also influences the number of greenhouse gases in the air. Carbon dioxide is converted into oxygen in the leaves by a process called photosynthesis. Therefore, this process would be inhibited if logging practices were conducted. Both two elements could increase the number of greenhouse gases in the air, leading to the growth of global temperature thus contributing enormously to climate change.  
  
Some resolutions can be done to effectively address this event. Fossil fuel should be replaced by renewable energies as they are eco-friendly and easy to regenerate. For example, solar or wind energies can be unlimitedly obtained from solar panels and wind farms. Another method is to conduct reforestation of damaged forests. Carbon dioxide can be reduced by the photosynthesis process and therefore, replating trees could promote a decrease in the amount of Co2 in the atmosphere. If these two methods were fully adopted, there would be a significant improvement in climate change.  
  
In conclusion, climate change has always been a major problem that could severely impact humanity by creating extreme weather events. Any hesitation to solve the issue could lead to the deaths of billions of people.
Kindly remember that you are scored on the accuracy of your restated information. You should never change the original information in your restatement because that changes the overall presentation from the original. You are only supposed to present a copy of that presentation in your restatement. The information must remain the same for Task Accuracy considerations. There are differences between the original and your information presentation:  
  
Original Information:  
- Climate change is one of the most dangerous threats  
- humans ever faced.  
- It is projected to affect billions of people in the future.  
  
Your information:  
- Climate change has been considered the most pressing issue ( should be rephrased as dangerous threat)  
- result in catastrophic weather events ( should reference the threat that humans face)  
- Billions of people are predicted to be severely endangered in the future. ( They are not endangered, they are affected)  
  
These errors in English comprehension skills show that you did not really understand the discussion topic as it was presented in the original prompt. Your LR score will be in the failing range since you showed that you do not know how to use synonyms in a manner that will help you prove your English comprehension skills. Even if you use advanced English words such as myriad in the later presentation, the fact that your restatement was incorrect already proves a lack of English comprehension skills.  
  
You did a good job of discussing your reasons though, which would help you get a better C&C score, but still, it would be held back by the improper prompt restatement in terms of scoring considerations. Your summary conclusion should have included a reference to the original topic, causes, solutions, and a closing sentence. You should have 5 sentences presented in that paragraph, not just 2 sentences.
What great writing! I would just read It over again and again, slowly getting rid of short words without meaning, like "as" or "this". Good writing is always clear and concise. There are a few sentences that have unnecessary fillers. If you get rid of those, the sentences won't be so full and flow much better! This definitely takes some time and revising:) "There is ... change**,** but fossil fuel ... considered ~~as~~  the main contributors ..."
***Some teachers prefer to record the lecture in advance so that students can familiarize themselves with it first, and practice what they have learned from the lecture in the class.***  
  
## Do you consider this is a good way to teach?

  
  
In contemporary, it is convenient for modern people to use techniques to work. The professors and teachers also benefit from advanced technology. So some of the earnest teachers would like to help students preview their classes before starting. Using some ways to benefit students to study from the videos they record. However, in my perspective, I don't think it is effective for most of the students in school.  
  
To begin with, it is impractical for all the students to watch the previewing lecture before classes. If only some of the students have taken the previewed videos, the class' students will have a degree gap after the class started. The more classes they take, the bigger the gap gets. A good course and a good teacher demand to make the whole class to get a better level after the course ends up.  
  
Furthermore, it is unnecessary to put more pressure on the students' backs. Nowadays, students get a lot of courses and homework from school. Most of the teachers put much pressure on them. They study in school and doing homework after school. Giving an extra video lecture for homework is going to take the leisure time they merely have.  
  
By the way, if the students are interested in the subject they study, they would like to surf the information on the internet. It is convenient for teachers to teach students with computers. Hence, it is also comfortably for students to learning information with computers. On the other hand, modern students are "technology natives." Morden students usually use "Google" to replace many sides of teachers.  
  
In light of the above arguments, I believe that is needless for teachers to record the lecture before class. It is neither efficient for students nor a good way for students to learn.
Your prompt restatement is inaccurate. It is not necessary for you to add information to the presentation as the examiner only wants to see if you are capable of relating the original topic in your own words. So, while you did respond to the given question, the topic for discussion that you presented it way overboard in terms of representing the original prompt. You have to be concise, not long winded. Get to the point at once, you only have 40 minutes to complete this task. The simpler presentation that would have scored better?  
  
*Some educators tend to pre-document their class lessons. The idea behind this is to help the students get a better idea of the topic before actual class lectures. The hope is that the students will learn more in the actual class this way. I do not believe this is an effective class lecture method.*  
  
See? All it took were 3 sentences that parallel the original presentation:  
  
OT: Some teachers prefer to record the lecture in advance MT: Some educators tend to pre-document their class lessons.  
OR: students can familiarize themselves with it first, MR: he idea behind this is to help the students get a better idea of the topic before actual class lectures.  
  
CO: practice what they have learned from the lecture in the class. MO: The hope is that the students will learn more in the actual class this way.  
  
Q: Do you consider this is a good way to teach? R: I do not believe this is an effective class lecture method.  
  
The first 2 reasoning paragraphs were sufficient for the actual discussion. The third one that refers to Google created an alternate discussion that was not part of the original prompt. So that will not be added to your final score. Rather, it will be deducted from the overall score based on word count. So your word count goes down from 297 to 232, making you come under the word minimum count. As such, there will appropriate deductions for the missing word count.  
  
It is because of the word deductions that I always ask the students to pay attention to why they are discussing. Always stick to the original prompt. The minute you add a discussion topic in the paraphrasing portion, you will immediately run a tendency to fall under the word count, which can result in your failing the test based on a technicality. As it is, this essay already has spelling, grammar, and LR errors that will result in points deductions. So adding the incorrect paraphrase plus the deducted word count to the mix makes the failing score almost a certainty.
## gaming over the internet

  
  
These days, more and more children spend a lot of their time playing games online. This essay will examine the positive effect and negative effects of playing games.  
  
On the one hand, technology is increasingly developing, so children need to play online games. Firstly, children can study by playing games. And many games are very interesting for children because they use many characters in cartoons. Therefore, it is a fun and easy way for children to learn new things and they can develop their imagination, fantasy through playing those. For example, there are many online games for children to learn while playing to learn more knowledge that helps develop more thinking. Secondly, through playing games, it is possible to stimulate connections and brain activity. A study of perceptions through analysis of the structural composition and cohesion of the booster on gamers published in the scientific journal found that the gamers who have a higher cognitive ability than ordinary people have a higher concentration than usual and their hand-eye coordination. Besides, they can react in the fastest way in all circumstances, they can become have good team-work skills.  
  
On the other hand, spending too much time playing games online might be dangerous for children. For instance, some children may not do their homework, study, or play sports because they are addicted to play games and play those most of the time. Second, playing games that narrow their relationship. Children did not have much time to socialize with the outside and they were immersed in the game. Playing games is a virtual world, through which children will have some friends, but that number is not much, and it does not make up for friends and good relationships they have lost.  
  
In conclusion, I would like to suggest that although children play online games today have many harms, this is not necessarily a negative trend. It can be good for children if playing the game intelligently and balanced it will bring many benefits to children.
Hi, I found some mistakes. Be more careful!  
- positive effects  
- ... to learn while playing to learn more knowledge? that helps ... I think this makes the sentence confusing. My suggestion is to get rid of it.  
  
- ... and their hand-eye coordination is what?. You didn't say anything about it!  
- can become have ? you can only use have to express your idea in this circumstance.  
- addicted to playing games  
- playing games ~~that~~-> can/might/would narrow their relationship. This sentence lacks main verb.  
- their relationships  
-... did not have much time to socialize. You have to use do because it doesn't make sense if you use simple past tense. So as were-> are immersed  
  
- have much time. Try not to use much, instead, use little time  
- Playing games is a virtual world? Games are virtual world, not playing games.  
- children play online games today have many harms. This sentence is wrong because it has two main verbs. You should write children playing online games has many harms today,...  
  
Hope my suggestions helpful!
I believe that the original prompt for this essay asks you which point of view you agree with. This is not an A/D with opinion essay. It is a mere opinion essay. So at the end of the paraphrase, there must have been a reference to the point of view that you agree with. There were only 2 choices given in the original prompt:  
  
- Some believe this is a beneficial trend  
- others think it is detrimental.  
  
The discussion instruction is: Which viewpoint do you agree with?  
  
So, based on the presentation that you made, it appears that you not only changed the discussion requirements (from single point of view to comparison discussion) but that you also left your actual response (not a negative trend) for the concluding paragraph. Therefore, the essay presentation is not aligned with the expected discussion requirements and presentation. As such, the essay will be deemed to not be presenting the proper discussion format, leading to a very low final score, as your other scoring errors will also be considered in the final outcome.  
  
Had the prompt actually asked you to discuss the advantages and disadvantages, you will never be asked to give an opinion. The A/D discussion does not require you to present an opinion. These essays are only 4 paragraph presentations. I believe that you made up the prompt, based on the presentations found online and in the books. You should not create your own prompt for responding to. That will cause you to learn how to respond to the essays improperly as you do not really know how to create a proper prompt for your own writing.  
  
The presentation itself does not present a balanced discussion. It is important that you do not over discuss the presentation. You begin to lack clarity and cohesiveness the minute you present a second reason in the same paragraph. Unless you use a transition sentence to connect the two topics, and you can justify the second reason as being related to the first, your second reason ends up creating an under developed paragraph instead. Fully develop one idea instead so you can get a full score for a fully developed topic presentation.
## Artificial Intelligence - Ielts Writing

  
  
**Some people believe that developments in the field of artificial intelligence will have a positive impact on our lives in the near future. Others, by contrast, are worried that we are not prepared for a world in which computers are more intelligent than humans. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.**  
  
In the modern age, the deployment of artificial intelligence in various fields is becoming ubiquitous, which has recently sparked bitter controversies revolving around its potential impacts on humans. In this essay, the two opposing views will be discussed.  
  
To commence with, it is apparent that the narrow AIs praiseworthily offer a plethora of benefits. Firstly, they pave the way for certain economic sectors to thrive. With commendable speed and level of accuracy, not only do they produce better results but also reduce the likelihood of errors. For instance, robots perform surgical procedures with greater concentration as well as precision compared to a human doctor. Secondly, that the application of AIs enables people to set foot in inhabitable areas is undeniable. Indeed, unprecedented research in outer space or the depth of the ocean is conducted on a regular basis, continuously expanding the horizons of contemporary civilization.  
  
On the other hand, artificial intelligence utility poses a threat to the life of the populace. Elements presaging a shift in the labour market are witnessed. Should they continue to replace the human workforce in a range of realms from manual occupations to professional ones, a grim outlook for the local inhabitants will be painted. Specifically, they are inclined to get redundant due to being dwarfed by intangible counterparts. Blue-collar workers are clear case in point in the context of industrial revolutions 4.0. Furthermore, doubts are cast on personal as well as national security. It is widely argued that villains have AIs as a vehicle to exploit valuable information in order to blackmail or serve political purposes.  
  
To recapitulate, in spite of existing disapprobation of their unlimited capabilities, I hold the firm belief that people should pay tribute to artificial intelligence. Moreover, individuals can make use of AIs to facilitate life on the condition that they can adapt to changing situations.
Where is the personal opinion? Did you mean that the overall discussion was based solely on your personal opinion? If so, then your essay has already failed the test. You were required to offer a personal opinion of each point of view. That means you have to present a balanced presentation composed of the popular opinion explanation, then your personal point of view. The way you presented the essay, the only reference point is the general discussion. So, the essay is not presented in the appropriate discussion slant. You will only get a partial score for this essay due to the missing section in relation to the personal opinion.
## home working consequences

  
  
With the introduction of the international technology (IT)industry, home working has gradually become more popular among people. It brings about tremendous benefits for humans but also has some unavoidable disadvantages. In this essay, I'll go into detail about the pros and cons of working from home and draw some conclusions.  
  
I will start with the advantages first. One of the major plus points of working remotely is reducing inconvenience and risks when commuting from home to work. Traveling to the workplace and especially a faraway one tends to cause some unwanted outcomes for all of our workforces. Traffic jams or accidents can happen suddenly in rush-hour and take away their life. Besides, going back and forth for work is completely time-consuming, people should have spent that time on their hobbies or their interest rather than boring journeys to work. Moreover, allowing employees to work remotely also make their employers get on well with them more easily By being allowed to work alone without any supervision, employees will be more comfortable with their work and feel a sense of trust from their employers. Consequently, relationships in that company will improve and all the staff can also develop their team-working skill.  
  
On the other hand, working from home still causes distractions for staff. Although home working removes the distractions that may occur in the office if a worker doesn't have a suitably quiet dedicated working space at home they may get easily distracted by household noises or other members of their household. Consequently, staff might have to spend more time on their work and their work-life balance can be disturbed seriously. Moreover, home working may make people lose their discipline, without supervisors staff might tend to get into bad habits or postpone their works which will lead to their recession in their careers.  
  
In conclusion, while the benefits of working from home make it seems like a good choice, I still believe that it just take effect in some cases
Do not add instructions to the writing of the essay. The prompt only asks you to discuss the advantages and disadvantages of the essay. You are not being asked to make any conclusions. Adding conclusions where none are needed or instructed means you are not following the original instructions accurately. You should only write the essay within the given discussion requirements. Adding to the instructions will result in percentage deductions in your final score.  
  
There is also the problem of you over writing in your essay. You should make sure that your work does not cover more than 290 words. That way you avoid forced errors on your part. Your explanations are very long, but not clear. So the cohesiveness and coherence of your paragraph presentations are affected. You are trying to focus on the reasons, but not the explanations. You must target a clear explanation based on a single reason per paragraph to get the best possible score in this part. One advantage and one disadvantage, clearly explained using a believable example always helps in this scoring section.  
  
The conclusion is lacking the important summary of the previous discussion. You have to write at least 2 sentences composed of 40 words, at the very least to meet the concluding statement requirements. This essay is not well developed. It is a good start. You have shown that you know how to write in the long form. Now, work on convincing the examiner that you can write even better in the short form.