dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Limitless internet surfing of teenagers

  
  
In present times, the development of social media has left the internet surfing of teenagers unsupervised. This has lead to the rise of a multitude of problems which holds potential danger to them and society. My purpose in writing this essay is to suggest some measures that can be taken to tackle this problem.  
  
When youngsters especially the teenagers are left unsupervised while using social media apps in order to meet and chat with friends, then become vulnerable to explicit content they may come across. Moreover, it is a trend nowadays to send a friend request to anonymous people on social media. According to youngsters, this is something cool and adventurous but they are unaware of the cybercrimes that may happen on this platform. For instance, one of my classmates was cyberbullied by teenagers who were much older than him, last year. Similar cases are reported every day all around the world. This problem may also have a life-long impact on them.  
  
In order to tackle this problem, the elders can anonymously become a friend of them on social media. They can then keep a track of their activities. In this way, the youngsters would not know that they are being supervised by the elders. In addition to that, the ones who are supervising would get to know what kind of content are the children browsing and what is their friend circle. Therefore, they can easily guide them when they feel that youngsters are going in the wrong direction. For example, in the case of my classmate, he came out of that problem when one of our school teachers anonymously became a friend of him on social media and helped him out.  
  
To conclude, though this problem seems to be small, it is not. In this essay, I have mentioned one of the ways this problem can be addressed. It requires immediate action as it is a matter of concern for our future generations.
Hi, I am worried about your over writing in this essay. The normal length of the essay is anywhere from 275-290 words. That is to allow time for proof reading and finalization of the presentation. Proof reading and finalization means that you should review your draft before the time is up for this writing section. Perfecting the content to the most minimal of errors in each scoring section. In this case, you failed to proof your draft before submission. That is why you left several errors in the grammar, cohesiveness, and coherence section of the scoring rubic.  
  
Now, I am not sure if you are responding correctly to this essay prompt because you left an unclear title and no actual reference to the instructions and topic within your paraphrase. Since there are several prompts referring to the internet in the practice essays, I will not touch on your discussion of these sections. I will however, focus on the length of your essay and your inability to proofread your essay for mistakes. Never consider your first version the complete and correct version. Always review, revise, edit, and finalize before submission. You do not have to write a long essay, you don't get extra points for that. You get extra points for submitting an almost error free to totally error free essay. The aim is not length, it is least number of writing mistakes. Once you understand the importance of editing in your tasks, you will be able to write essays that will have an above average score.
***People are having more and more sugar-based drinks***  
## What are the reasons? What are the solutions?

  
  
It is true that drinks containing sugars have gained increasing popularity among people, especially young children. While there are some underlying motives regarding this problem, I believe we can take steps to mitigate it.  
  
There are two main reasons why there is a dramatic increase in the number of people having the habit of choosing sugar-based beverages. Firstly, as the advertising industry has developed at an unprecedented rate, citizens can easily get access to advertisements introducing a variety of sweet drinks and be attracted by promotions companies manufacturing sugar-based drinks offer. For example, Pepsi has been extremely successful in drawing the attention of consumers as its products are advertised everywhere, from streets to supermarkets. Secondly, it is undoubted that sugars which contain high levels of carbohydrates can make people feel much more refreshed and energetic, especially after they finish doing something physically demanding. This encourages people to pay for a sugar-contained drink rather than a bottle of water whenever they feel thirsty.  
  
However, there are some actions that both government bodies and ordinary citizens can take to ameliorate this alarming issue. Firstly, governments should impose high taxes on these beverages so that manufactures will take producing these harmful drinks on a large scale into consideration and buyers will hesitate to choose a sugary drink due to paying extra money for high taxes. Secondly, parents should control their children's buying habits in order to prevent them from spending too much on drinks containing high levels of sugars.  
  
Overall, it can be concluded that the popularity of sugary beverage is mainly due to attractive advertisements and the benefits they bring to human energy, but there are still some measures that have the potential of tackling this problem.
@ KIM THU  
In the second paragraph, the line can be better written as :  
"so that the manufacturers will take into consideration the problems caused by large-scale production of soft drinks"  
  
You also do not have to repeat the words "sugar based drinks" instead you can use cold drinks, soft drinks, etc. because they all mean the same. This will also increase the range of your vocabulary.  
  
The above is my personal opinion and not an expert one. Please correct me if I am wrong anywhere.
You should not be stating a fact by saying "it is true" in the paraphrase since there is no instruction asking you to prove the truthfulness of the claim. You should simply restate it as simply as you can, based on the original wording. Your first paragraph also fails to respond directly to the questions provided by giving the discussion topics for the 2 reasoning paragraphs, which will be based on connected reasons and relevant solutions as required by the questions posed. This creates a lack of clarity in your discussion presentation as there is no outline provided for the 2 reasoning paragraphs.  
  
Rather than using ordinals for your connection of the 2 reasons, show your grammar range by using a transition sentence instead. The use of a transition sentence will help increase the C&C section of your score as it will show that you are capable of connecting 2 topics in one paragraphs using a commonality between the two. I would caution you against under developing your second reason as that translates into an under developed paragraph. Since you are allotted 5 sentences per paragraph, you can create the connected discussion by doing the following instead:  
  
Sentence 1: First topic sentence  
Sentence 2: Explanation for the topic  
Sentence 3: Transition sentence for the second topic (connect it to the first sentence topic)  
Sentence 4: Example that combines topic 1 and 2  
Sentence 5: Explanation that proves the relationship of both topics to the discussion question provided.  
  
The under development of the 2nd reason is a problem that exists in both your reasoning paragraphs. It would do you well to use the format I am suggesting to help you better represent a well developed discussion.  
  
Your summary conclusion is incorrect. There is no data reminding the reader of the original topic, reasoning discussions, and possible solutions. You have to repeat the information in short form, clearly. Do not be vague about it as you do so now.
## Export earnings (2015-2016)

  
  
The given diagram demonstrates the value of one's country exports in five categories and the percentage change in each category of exports between 2015 and 2016  
  
Overall, there is an upward trend could be seen in the Petroleum products. A similar pattern could be observed in engineered goods, agricultural products, and textiles, while gems and jewellery tended to slightly decrease over the timeframe.  
  
In 2005 petroleum products was the highest of all five sectors, standing at over 60 billion, followed by an increase by 3% in 2016. The figure for engineered goods go up from more than 55 billion in 2015 to nearly 62 billion in 2016, this difference was about 8.5% over a course of 1 year.  
  
On the other hand, the export earnings from germs and jewellery were approximately 43 billion, this number had declined modestly to over 40 billion by 2016. During the period shown, the change in the money earned by exporting agricultural commodities was considerable, as it climbed by 15.24% from about 25 billion in 2015. By contrast, the figure for agricultural tended to trivial increase, as it was almost stable at over 30 billion in each year. One more useless thread title = ban  
  
*
You have not accurately recognized the images provided. You only mis-identify one of the two images. The two images are a bar graph in relation to export earnings and, a 2 column chart identifying the percentage change in values. This makes your information presentation inaccurate, incomplete, and questionable. When you discuss the information in each paragraph, you should identify which of the 2 images the information comes from. Remember, the audience will not have access to the images. At least, that is the implication for the Task 1 essay. So for each paragraph, find a creative way of referring to the image before the information to allow the reader to understand that the information presented is coming from a different image. Otherwise, your presentation becomes confusing. Which is exactly what happened in this presentation.
## global warming solving by individual countries

  
  
Nowadays environmental problems are one of those issues that require immediate attention. It is believed that these issues like global warming can be better solved at the national level as compared to solving them at international level. This essay agrees that problems related to the environment can be better dealt with by individual countries than at a global level.  
  
According to some people, problems such as global warming and decreased level of fossil fuels can be solved more effectively by individual nations as the activities of each country adds up to the cause of these issues. These people believe that the small drops make an ocean and similarly the combined efforts of the individual nations can bring down the overall environmental concerns worldwide. For instance, some countries in Europe have switched largely to alternative sources of energy, this has reduced the overall consumption of fossil fuels as well as reduced their carbon footprints.  
  
While a group of people holds the opinion that these can be solved at the global level. They feel that countries should come together and look into these issues in order to find out ways to solve them. But in my opinion, this is practically not a feasible idea as the causes of different environmental issues vary with the geographic location of the area which can be tackled only by the nation and not by any international authority. For instance, the Ganga river in India is highly polluted and any other country cannot look into this problem because this pollution is caused by the factories near it in India. Thus only a national authority can deal with it.  
  
Overall, environmental problems are a great concern for modern times and need to be addressed by all countries in the world. It's better if each nation looks into its own issues related to the environment and takes required actions as indirectly it would contribute to solving international problems.
You are writing the wrong response for this essay. You are focusing on an international level when the prompt is focused on an individual level. There is a difference between international and individual. International means global level while individual means on a single person level. As such, you have misunderstood the prompt and offered a response not related to the task. The actual prompt requires you to compare the following points of view:  
  
- Some people think that environmental problems are too big for individuals to solve  
- the government cannot solve these environmental problems unless individuals make some action.  
  
Based on your discussion of those 2 public points of view, you should be able to present a clear opinion that will support one of the two public opinions. However, since your response is not in line with the discussion requirements, you will not be able to receive a passing grade for this essay.
**In countries where there is high unemployment, most pupils should be offered only primary education. There is no point in offering secondary education to those who will have no hope of finding a job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## secondary schools should be motivated

  
  
Unemployment is upturns and downturns in some countries, which leads to some opinions that students should be merely allowed to get access to primary schools. The statement continues that it is unnecessary to provide them with secondary education while there will be no future in looking for a job. In my perspective, I absolutely disagree with the statement.  
  
Firstly, knowledge or critical skills are extremely worthwhile in the development of students' capability. A student equipped enough essential basic skills can take part in the growth of a certain aspect and be effortlessly received a position. The fact is that the main responsibility of secondary education is to help students explore and enhance their abilities. For example, subjects are set up to create an overview in each sector such as technology, biology, etc. Thereby, students can have the opportunity of perceiving exactly what their demand or desire is, then orient the proper future job.  
  
Moreover, receiving only primary education could cause a serious barrier among social levels. Those who just finished the basic one would be sometimes embarrassed because of their poor situation or become some negative factors due to a lack of education. So, eventually finding a job is more and more impossible. Definitely, others approached higher education could be nothing less than experiencing a large horizon. They could contribute to the national development via their work and enjoy a better living standard from the welfare system and citizenship. It is obvious that offering secondary education would be more effective than the limitation.  
  
In conclusion, secondary schools should be motivated because of specific advantaged, instead of being prevented from unpredictable unemployment.  
(271words)  
thanks for reading. please leave your comments!
***Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole.  
  
## Do you agree or disagree?***  
  
Many believe that young people have obligation to volunteer for community service when they are available, which would eventually bring advantages to both the single and the whole society. However, I disagree that we should compel all teenagers to do charitable work.  
  
Most teenagers are students, who have been already under great pressure with their studies. In school, they have many subjects and skills to learn; even after school, they also need to do a lot of homework and practice exercises for exams, let alone some of them have to go to part-time work in order to share household expenses of their families. When young people do have some free time, we should let them relax themselves, or encourage them to explore and develop their own interests. In short, I think their priorities should be their studies and make good preparations for their future life.  
  
At the same time, I have my doubts that our society can gain anything from obliging young people to do unpaid work. If people do good deeds not from the bottom of their hearts, it loses its meaning.  
  
This not only goes against the values of a free and fair security but also leads to resentment amongst young people, who would feel that they are just used. We should inspire them to help others willingly, instead of forcing them by moral coercion.  
  
In conclusion, it is wrong that making it mandatory for all teenagers to do unpaid work in their leisure time, and in my opinion they have rights to choose whether they want to do it or not.
In the opening paraphrase, you should add another 2 sentences that outline your discussion topic. Give the reason for your response as:  
  
*However... work. Consider that teenagers face academic obligations that take most of their time, leaving almost no time for them to rest. Society may not benefit from their volunteer service because of the academic stress they face daily.*  
  
When you give an outline of the discussion topics, you respond directly to the questions being given in the essay. These are requirements under the TA section because it shows the clarity and support you have for your single opinion within the presentation.  
  
Your first reasoning paragraph is well developed, uses good examples, and provides a clear explanation of the reasons and examples provided. It is a good explanation for your opposition to the suggested community service.  
  
However, the second paragraph that explains why society will not benefit from community service is either ill formatted in this presentation or, you accidentally hit the enter button before you should have. It appears that you have 2 separate paragraphs in response to that question, with neither paragraph being properly developed and explained. It weakened the essay presentation. If you had combined the 2 paragraphs and at the same time, provided a relevant example to illustrate, then this paragraph would have been as well presented as the first, thus boosting your C&C and TA score in the process. That is too bad. It had the potential to be an above average scoring essay. That chance was ruined by the improperly presented second reasoning paragraph.  
  
Your discussion summary / concluding paragraph is a not an effective presentation. It is only a long sentence that does not reiterate the previous discussion points as required by that paragraph format. There is a topic presentation but no reasoning presented in response to the questions (short form presentations of the topic sentences), and no repeat of your personal opinion as required by the presentation.
ielts writing task 2  
  
***Wild animals have no place in th 21st century and the protection is a waste of resources**.*  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
Some people say that resources are not worth consuming on keeping 21st century wild animals safe and sound. However, I totally disagree with the statement. I believe that wild-animal protection should take the first priority as wild animals plays an significant role in the earth and human life.  
  
First of all, wild animals help to maintain biodiversity as they are parts of eco-system. In other words, wild animals can be affected by different species and in turn , other species may have positive or negative impacts on them through food chains. It runs parallel to bricks of a building. If it loses only a bricks, it may be still unscathed. But when the number of risks are taken big enough, it will definitely collapse. Therefore, wild animals influence human beings directly or indirectly.  
  
Secondly, wild animals devotes what the have to serving people. Not only their health but also their wealth and freedom. For example, tons of animals are forced to perform tricks in the circus nowadays. As we all know, they are punished severe and violently until they are able to do correctly what they are told. Also, it is not easy for bees to make honey- a nutritious item that not everyone can afford to buy. Bees have to go through a laborious process involving multiple steps to produce honey. In addition, but for wild animals, there would not be such places like zoos where people can have a closer look and understanding about wild life. In view of science, many diseases have been cured by using parts of animals' bodies. Scientists have more chances to discover new horizon on account of studying wild animals. So there's no doubt that wide animals is beneficial to human financially and scientifically.  
  
To sum up, although wild animals do not seem to effect our daily lives like most of us feel, we should not underestimate the contribution of them. Effective protection methods need to be launched before it is too late to save wild animals in specific, save the earth and human beings in general.
Hi Aiden Rose! I've read your essay and I'd like to leave some feedbacks  
I think you did a good job when you presented the main points as well as specific and practical example to support your opinion. I really like your main point! However, you had some gramatical errors:  
  
- I believe that wild-animal protection ~~should take~~ should be taken the first priority as wild animals ~~plays~~ play ~~an~~ a significant role ~~in~~for the earth and human life  
  
- But when ~~the number of risks are~~the number of risks is taken big enough, it will definitely collapse. Therefore, wild animals influence human beings directly or indirectly  
  
- As we all know, they are punished ~~severe~~severely and violently until they are able to do correctly what they ~~are told~~have been told  
- ....many diseases have been cured by using parts of ~~animals' bodies~~animal bodies  
- To sum up, although wild animals do not seem to ~~effect~~affect or have an effect on our daily lives like most of us feel, we should not underestimate the contribution of them
You have written a 344 word essay. The time allotment for this essay task is 40 minutes. Normally, this time frame would allow a student to write between 275-290 words. I am amazed you were able to write so many words for this task. However, I am not impressed by the large number of writing errors you made in this presentation. Repeated errors in grammar, vocabulary usage, coherence and cohesiveness all add up to prevent you from gaining a passing score.  
  
While you did well in the prompt restatement, your use of metaphors are out of place. You should only use metaphors in non-academic writing. Since this is a clear academic discussion, you should use only related examples to avoid any confusion in relation to your discussion development. Avoid the use of slang English words such as "tons".  
  
Your second paragraph is confusing to read. You went from discussing a circus to discussing bees, without using transition sentences or references. There is a clear lack of proper paragraph development, problematic reasoning presentation, and a lack of discussion direction. To solve this problem, you must use only one topic per paragraph or, use a clear transition that will connect one discussion topic to the next. However, the transition should be supported by examples that provide clarity on the connection of the two discussion topics.