dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***Topic: some students decide early in life to pursue vocational careers that involve cooking and baking. For them, it is better to study their career occupations in high school rather than regular subjects.***  
  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
It is true that, nowadays, students can make a decision for their future careers. Some people think that students should study all subjects at school, although they have decided. However, I support the idea that students should learn the necessary subjects to assist their chosen vocational career.  
  
First of all, it seems advantageous that students learn subjects about vocation. they can improve and develop their vocational skills at a young age. For example, there are many cooking and baking competitions around the world especially is Master Chef. Master Chef, where provide contester a good cooking environment and enhance the ability to cook as well. This is because students can learn valuable skills, gain experience, and also be instructed by well-known chefs, who are the judges. Besides, it will be easy for students to open numerous opportunities for work in the future. When students start to focus on vocational career from a young age to adults, they have abundant experience. Therefore, it is not difficult for them to find a job.  
  
Compared to subjects, which support student's vocational career, regular subjects at school do not benefit students. In this regard, subjects such as Maths, Physics, Chemistry, and so on are not related to vocational careers. On the contrary, cooking and baking almost depend on technique and experience. Thus, concentrating on the student's chosen subject is more beneficial.  
  
In conclusion, there are a lot of advantages to early pursuing vocational careers for students. For these reasons, students should subject that support themselves to vocational careers.  
  
(253 words).  
please, give me a score and feedback.  
thank you!!
Never start a paraphrase with the phrase "It is true..." because that removes the objectivity of your essay presentation. You must simply restate the original clearly, without offering an opinion about what is right or wrong. However, you should give a measured response to the extent question. You provided a response that supported the idea, but did not really offer measurement of how strong that support is (strongly, totally, wholly are basic extend response examples).  
  
You said that you support the idea that chefs should have a knowledge of the basic skills that can support their vocational career. However, you used Master Chef as an example. You claimed the competition teaches the contestants about cooking. While there are times that this is true, the so called master classes are not a part of an actual education. It is merely a tutorial for the contestants. So the justification for your discussion is incorrect and shows a disconnection between your response to the prompt question and the reasoning you are presenting.  
  
Your reasoning is what will make you fail this test. The irrelevant discussion topics plus the grammatical errors in the essay which lead to a difficulty in understanding what you are trying to say will all combine to give you the lowest possible score for your essay.
## Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists but not local people.

  
***Why is this case and what can be done to attract more local people to visit these places?***  
  
It is true that tourists visit museums and historical sites more than local people. There are a number of reasons behind this problem and several solutions should be proposed to make museum and historical sites more attractive to local inhabitants.  
  
There are two primary reasons why local people don't visit these locations as frequent as tourists. Firstly, indigenous history and culture are too familiar with local inhabitants. As a result, they find it very boring while spending their time to visit the same things in museums and historical sites. Secondly, entrance tickets are expensive that local people could not afford for their visits even though they want to go there. In fact, local people in many regions are really poor and they struggle with earning money to meet their basic needs such as food and accommodation. This does not allow them buy ticket to visit either museums or historical sites.  
  
However, measures must be taken by government to attract more local people to visit historical places. The first is investing more money to refurbish and advertise those locations. This budget can be used to refresh the exhibits, even buy more international works or artifacts to display to the public. Furthermore, the entrance ticket should be free for local people. If they are not afraid of finance problem, they will be happier to pay more visit to historical places.  
  
In conclusion, it is clear that there are various reasons why museums and historical sites are visited more by tourists than local inhabitants and steps need to be taken to tackle this problem.
HI! I have made some adjustment to my writing in order to meet the structure requirements.  
I always appreciate comments, even if they seems short and simple!  
An estimation of the band score of my writing will also be very helpful.  
  
Thank you!  
  
## International Communication Online

  
  
**COMMUNICATION TOPIC 1: Some people think that being able to communicate with others online is breaking down geographical barriers and enabling people, who would normally never have the chance to meet, to communicate.  
  
What are the advantages of international communication online?  
Are there any disadvantages?**  
  
*WORD COUNT: 279*  
  
The rapid development of technologies has revolutionized many ways how we communicate. Nowadays, the geographical distance between human seems unsubstantial. These changes meant to bring immense advances, however, come along are some negative implications that should also be discussed.  
  
Technology has undoubtedly improved the human way of living. Online communication platforms such as Skype, Whatsapp, and Viber, now provide flawless connectivity to their users. Not only to stay in touch with close friends and families, but a person also can reach out across the globe and befriend others from different nationalities. The exchange of ideas and beliefs create valuable, universal relationships that bridge the cultural gaps between nations. Yet, all of these online connectivities are both time and cost-effective, since the need to physically travel is unnecessary. This allows more people who have personal difficulties to still communicate with the world.  
  
However, international online communication may have its dangers. Firstly, many nations' unique cultures may be altered by the influence of globalization since many younger generations want to change their lifestyles taken from other parts of the world. For instance, many Vietnamese music groups are trying to dress and sing like influencing Korean colleagues. Secondly, privacy has always been a major concern for any online activity. Without vital awareness and cautions, a person may have his information, such as messages and contacts, stolen, or become a target for cyber-attacks.  
  
In conclusion, the ability to effectively communicate across borders through online platforms allow humanity to create more intimate bonds. However, the risk of cultural assimilation and the lack of privacy on the Internet should not be ignored. Everyone should be aware of these advantages and disadvantages for better online communication usages.
Hi,  
Overall, I think your structure is good and clear. I just have some suggestions as following:  
These changes are meant to bring.  
"now provide flawless connectivity to their users" -> I don't think you should use this adjective. It's quite a strong word and may not be exact so I think you should change it to another one.  
  
"... and beliefs create" -> creats.  
"Yet, all of these online connectivities" -> yet is used to show contrast ideas. That's not the case here, so it should be changed to in addtion, or moreover etc.
You did an acceptable job in the paraphrase section. The only problem that I have with it is that you still retained the original word geographical from the original. You could have used other words such as; international locations, topographical obstacles, and other similar references. Try your best to change all the keywords from the original to raise your LR score. The LR score is also based on your ability to use other reference terms to present the original information. The more alternative terms you use, the better your scoring possibility.  
  
Next, you do not need to add an apostrophe after nations since you are referring to the plural form of the word "nation". There is no plural form for connectivity. The singular and plural form for the word are one and the same. I think you need to review your punctuation usage lessons in this case. Although it is a small error, it will still result in points deductions for your GRA score. Even a single mistake costs a small percentage point in the eyes of the examiner.  
  
Your second paragraph deviated from the original topic of communication. You suddenly began discussing multimedia influence, which is not the same are the communication topic indicated in the original prompt. So you will only be scored for the paragraphs that properly relate to the original discussion. Word deductions will be made and appropriate percentages deducted. That means, your presentation may seem like it met the minimum word requirement but, after the deductions, your essay will have fallen short of the word requirement.  
  
It is important that you always review your essay for prompt responsiveness. Make sure that all your paragraphs address the original prompt topic. The topic was about online communication. So your reference to What'sApp, Viber, etc. are correct and on topic. The next paragraph referring to the influence of music videos and the like, these are not part of the international communication being referred to in the original prompt.
The first problem that heavily weighs down your essay is the lack of proper formatting. Your second paragraph is comprised of several discussion topics and reasons. All topics and reasoning discussions must be separated into topic paragraph presentations. Each new paragraph starting with a new topic sentence. By separating the paragraphs, the reader will not only find it easier to follow your discussion flow, but also give them a chance to fully understand what you are trying to say. Pauses between discussion points are imperative to the clarity of a presentation, hence the need for paragraph formatting.  
  
The second problem is that your sentence development is not as clear as it should be. I am not sure if this is because you are misusing the vocabulary in the essay or, if you are just unfamiliar with sentence structures. It would be better if you practice creating English sentences via sentence fill in the blank exercises. That way you will be able to not only learn proper sentence structures and presentations, but you will also be able to develop your English vocabulary as you encounter new words during the exercises.
Hello everyone,  
I'm taking IELTS exams in the next 3 months. I really need your feedback on my writing.  
Thank you in indeed,  
Giang  
  
***University education should only be offered to the most academic students, not a large majority*.  
## To what extent do you agree?**  
  
Some people argue that only students who perform excellent at school deserve higher education. However, I believe that the opportunity of attending university should be open to the public. This is because providing college education to a minority of talented people would violate human rights and create more social problems while encouraging more people to go to university would benefit both citizens and societies.  
  
Only admitting talented students to university would violate human right to education, lead to deep public division and possibly corrupt college admission. Everyone has the right to education. In other words, people could attain the highest level of schooling in accordance with their wishes and abilities. Therefore, limiting higher education to excellent students would severely infringe human's basic right of education. On top of that, a significant segregation in society would quickly develop if university education became a privilege held by a small proportion of population. This may also promote people to get into college at all costs, even by employing corrupt methods such as cheating and bribery.  
  
In contrast, facilitating vast majority of citizens to have higher education would help individuals increase their chance of success in life and graduate more productive citizens for society. Several surveys suggest that people with university degrees have higher income than those who have only finished high school. Moreover, citizens who have received higher education are often more political and social active. Therefore, opening the opportunity of going to university would collectively raise public awareness. Accompanying with this could be a safer society. For example, Denmark whose over 40% of population attain bachelor's degrees has reported a very low crime rate.  
  
In conclusion, the idea of allowing only most talented students to go to college should be dismissed because it would infringe human right to education, substantially divide society and potentially cause illegal activities. Instead, efforts of encouraging people to attend university should be made as higher education helps promote a safer, more prosperous and active society.
***Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money.  
## Do you agree or disagree?*  
Which other types of job should be highly paid?**  
  
Nowadays, it is believed that top athletes, actors and performers can easily earn their multi-million-dollar pay cheques in a short time. Although many people say that stars in the entertainment business are far much over paid than they deserve, I believe they are entitled to the huge salaries.  
  
Firstly, not every entertainer can get such high salaries. When we focus on and envy celebrities their wealth and fame, we are blind to those who fail to achieve distinction and still struggle for their life. However, even for these who have already reached the very top of their profession, their outstanding achievements do not come out of nowhere. In fact, many of them are not only very talented but also incredibly diligent. Only after years of hard work - during which they undertook extreme training, strived for excellence and endured great amount of pressure in life and intense competitions - do they bring out the best sport and amazing performances for audiences. It is unfair that simply crediting their success to merely "luck" and completely ignoring the enormous efforts they put and the sacrifices they make. Furthermore, the majority of stars do not hold their leading positions for long. They could suddenly come into vogue but fade away soon after, eventually replaced by the next younger, more creative and energetic generation. So, this relatively short working life and their dedication to work seems quite justification to me for the high pay.  
  
But let's not forget that childcare workers, teachers, nurses and plenty of other workers. They also bring skills and strong work ethics to their respective fields, and more importantly, they contribute to the public good. Unfortunately, their modest incomes generally don't reflect that.  
  
In conclusion, I think entertainers are worth their fortune and meanwhile we can also support those workers in lower-paid professions when they ask for higher wages or better conditions. The free market will never be fair, but if we stop associating money with 'worth', maybe the workers who make society better will receive a bit more of the respect they deserve.
In my opinion in the introduction paragraph (paragraph 1) you should mention other types of jobs should be highly paid, then develop it in the third paragraph. Here is my version of the introduction paragraph:  
  
Nowadays, it is believed that top athletes, actors, and performers can easily earn their multi-million-dollar paycheques in a short time. Although many people say that stars in the entertainment are far much overpaid than they deserve, I believe those who work for humanity are also entitled to greater pay
Your prompt paraphrase is incorrect and incomplete. You did not use the proper information coming from the original prompt for your response. There are 2 questions being asked that require a direct response:  
  
- Do you agree or disagree?  
- Which other types of job should be highly paid?  
  
So, the last 2 sentences should respond by saying:  
- You disagree with the statement  
- What additional jobs should be better paid  
  
This essay may have up to 3 reasoning paragraphs covering:  
- A discussion explaining why you disagree with the statement, transitioning into the additional jobs that need better pay  
- Refer to a job, say a trash collector, whose job is difficult and dangerous, but he earns far less than the athlete who gets paid to have fun doing what he likes.  
  
- Cite another job, say a housekeeper, whose job is to make sure that the celebrity lives in a clean home, has good food to eat, but gets paid a lowly per hour rate.  
  
The clarity and defense of your explanation is based on how well you defend your stance. Your discussion regarding the other types of jobs does not accomplish that. You need to be job specific and reason specific within the discussion / reasoning presentation.
## skateboarding's impact on businesses nearby

  
  
**ESSAY**  
The letter conveys that due to increased popularity of skateboarding and increased number of skateboarders, the business in Central Plaza has decreased and it recommends skateboarding to be prohibited in Central Plaza in order to return the business at its previously levels. As supporting statements of the recommendation, the letter says that it is store owners' belief that their business has decreased due to the number of skateboarders in that plaza.It is also implied that skateboarders are the precipitators of the increased litter and vandalism which in-turn caused decreased shoppers.However, following questions need to be answered before deciding the effectiveness of the recommendation:  
  
First of all, did the number of shoppers decrease because of skateboarders only? It is written that shop owners believe this to be the case, but the cause of decrease can be entirely different, too. Perhaps shoppers have decreased because a more convenient plaza opened up in the area. If that is the case, then the recommended action will not be effective.  
  
Secondly, are skateboarders the cause of the increased litter and vandalism? Here, it is implied that prohibiting skateboarders will decrease the litter and vandalism in Central Plaza. However, it is possible that skateboarders are not the cause of this. Perhaps, the cleaning crew is not working as they used to. Also, it is possible that the litter and vandalism is caused by the remaining few shoppers or by the shopkeepers themselves. If any of these are true, than the recommendation does not hold water.  
  
Finally, will prohibiting skateboarders not cause lesser business? The letter does not state who are the remaining shoppers. Considering the situation, it is entirely possible that the remaining shoppers are some of the skateboarders themselves. In that case, prohibiting them willl only cause the bussiness to decrease.  
  
Thus, it is clear that the recommendation, as it stands now, can not be fully evaluated until further clarifications are provided.For the recommendation to be properly evaluated, above mentioned questions need to be answered with appropriate proofs.
## Funds for Entertainments or for public services?

  
  
Hello friends.. Please kindly review my writing  
The government's investment in art, music and theater is a waste of money. Government should invest these funds in public service instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
  
Entertainments are the valuable economic asset for a country, whereas funding for public service to all citizenry should be a mainly issue because I assist that government would get more benefit as it determines the quality of people's live as a develop country.  
  
Art and music were leading to stable economy for nations. That is to say that entertainment would represent the culture and attracts people intention, not only the citizen but also people all over the word. Moreover, as a part of live, people need to be relaxed in their leisure time. Therefore, those are required to entertain themselves. In 2015, Korean wave were outstanding in international level, all range of people are enchanted with Korean drama and Korean song. This is because Korean government invests around $50.000 for this sector in order to train the several Idols. However, this is a long run succeed and urgent problem like illiterate cannot be solve with entertainment.  
  
On the other hand, government's investment in society basic service might raise the standard live of citizen. All human being need adequate health facilities in order to support their live, like monthly check up. Moreover, best educational system with advance technology also play a crucial part do develop child intelligent. Those would improve the quality of human resource. England is the main destination for health and educational research because Forbes and Time magazine released that England is the lowest number of mortality for 5 years and many world top university with high standard of pedagogical.  
  
In conclusion, despite the glamorous of entertainment industry, government may wastage their fund. Government should allocate more money for public service, like education and health as an improvement for human standard of life.
1. a main~~ly~~ issue  
2. I assist that => I think you are using the word "assist" wrongly here. assist means help  
3. ... and attract~~s~~ people attention  
4. Some parts of your essay are not academic, for example "... their live, like monthly check up" => we don't use "like" to give example, instead, you should use "such as"  
  
There're quite a lot mistakes to talk about, but i will only list some of them above. You should rewrite it, avoiding grammatical mistake and try to use academic style