dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Your prompt restatement is really confusing to read. You are combining two ideas into one sentence, which blurs the meaning of the sentence. You are creating run-on sentences that result in an incoherent presentation. Use only one thought or idea in every sentence. Avoid redundant declarations such as "trend" and "world is changing fast". The term "time to time" in recent days is also a confusing phrase. Basically, that prompt paragraph does not make any sense and could result in a failing TA score due to a failed attempt at presenting an idea in the paraphrase.  
  
This is only a 4 paragraph essay as there are only 2 questions to be answered in the paragraph presentation. The first one is the cause of job changes and the other, is how people can prepare for it. You do not really need the second reason. You were not asked to present "reasons" , just a singular cause of the action. So you really went too far with the causes discussion.  
  
Your preparation discussion is not very well presented. You are using a connecting word at the start of the paragraph. Since there is no previous sentence topic to connect, you should not use a connecting word at that point. Your reasons are good but little explained and developed. Again, a single response topic would have sufficed. You would have scored better by presenting one valid and fully explained reason to the examiner rather than presenting 2 reasons that are not really well supported in your explanation.
## Do the benefits of globalization outweigh the drawbacks ?

  
  
It is an indisputable fact that globalization is more common in modern society around the world, while there have certainly been some benefits to tread and communication, the dark side that it has brought about should not be ignored, and this essay aims to highlight both points of view.  
  
There are some plausible reasons for supporting the globalization. The first important advantage of globalization is that it is a vert necessary motivation that pushes the development of the economy. It cannot deny that business is becoming increasingly international and this means free trade between the countries with different political institutions and strengthen the political relationship. Vietnam, a communist country is ready to cooperate with every country around the world like America, Japan, or even Russia and Cuba. Many people completely agree that globalization is the vital factor that creates employment opportunities, reduces poverty, and improves working conditions, especially in developing countries. In the globalized society, developed countries and large corporations tend to shift and invest in less developed countries. Vietnam is currently calling for investment form any countries and the government report is that foreign investors increasingly 56% over the same period last year.  
  
The primary weakness of the globalization is that can also lead to unemployment and exploitation because the rate of the skilled worker over the total number of worker has been lower and lower. This can generate redundancies and jobless among the people who are not trained and they are ready to accept the low salary and work in the poor conditions to earn a living. China, the largest factory in the world where has a lot of cheap labor so that many foreign businesses are moving to this country to hire this cheap labor force. These workers have to work under poor conditions as well as work long hours a day with low wages. Many people agree that globalization is the cause of environmental pollution because the developed countries move old machines and outdated technology to set up companies for cost savings. Therefore, their wastewater treatment technology is not up to international standards and these wastes contain a lot of toxic substances that can cause pollution when released into the environment. Some years ago, Vietnam to cope with environmental disasters, especially the marine environment when the Formosa steel factory has dumped a lot of waste into the waters of the central province and according to experts predict it will take us about fifty years to restore such waters.  
  
To sum up, globalization not only has some positive consequences but also brings negative results. However, globalization is a popular trend that can be inevitable because there are more benefits than drawbacks
There is a glaring error in the approach that you took to this discussion. The original prompt asks you to take a stance as to whether globalization has its drawbacks. The answer is either yest or no, with justifications. It is not a comparative essay as you mistakenly instructed in your prompt paraphrase. You also used the term "tread" when you meant to use the word "trend". There is a big difference between the two words. Look it up. Never use words in the essay that just sound correct to you. If you are not sure of the spelling or word meaning, do not use it. That will immediately drag down your LR and GRA scores. I am not sure why you are discussing a dark side. making the essay graver than the original topic sounds.  
  
The essay itself is not properly formatted for a 40 minute time frame. You presented a class opinion paper, a research paper length discussion when this should have only been a 20 sentence paper at the most. You have over discussed and, in an actual setting, would not have been able to complete this type of presentation. You need to review the work of other students so that you can get a better idea of how to write a quick response essay that will be complete in discussion and acceptable in terms of format. This essay went overboard. It would not work within an actual test setting, regardless of whether it is computer or pencil based.
## Better for students to live far away from home or not

  
  
Nowadays, people believe that boarding at school is ideal for college students than staying at home with their parents. From my perspective, living far away from home is the optimal choice because students will have the chance to learn how to live in this world independently and make more rooms for new relationships.  
  
In the past, many parents protected their children from the negative influence and assisted them with all the chores in the house, so that students living at home may completely concentrate on their academic study. Besides, having a chance to live on their own, these students will become more independent because they have to calculate precisely for anything that involves money, think carefully before making important decisions, and take responsibility for their health, career, and relationships. From my personal experience, if you thought that you had prepared for obstacles or frauds, you would be extremely disappointed after being fooled countless times. For example, many of my friends who had chosen to live in the dormitory or rented a boarding house, after a few years, they turned out to be reliable and self-reliant.  
  
Getting to the door of the college, you would have left most of your old friends behind since each person had their dreams and passions. If I were you, I would not be devastated because you will have the opportunities to make new relationships. In some colleges such as business schools, they will encourage you to enroll in some company that fits your major to earn experiences and accumulate relationships like potential-clients and partners.  
  
Based on articles and stories about successful people, they all have in commons that is becoming independent from the early days and have remarkable communication skills. In conclusion, it is in my belief that college students should live away from home, for the reasons provided above.
Try to respond directly to the question being asked before you give your opinion. Do you agree or disagree?  
  
*I agree that undergraduate students will benefit from living away from their parents. That is because (state your 2 reasons).*  
  
Always be precise in your response because your TA score depends on it. Always format the rephrased section using the 3-5 sentence format for optimal scoring potential in that section.  
  
You are not providing a discussion of a specific reason in your second paragraph. You are only outlining your discussion topics. That is not the same as developing your paragraph ideas and explanations. Use only 1 topic per paragraph and fully explain your support for that idea through personal opinion, examples, and supporting evidence within the discussion paragraph. Using your personal experience will help you score better as you will be using explanations that you can strongly support and clearly present to the reader.  
  
The conclusion is also incorrect. Please provide a summary of the topic and reasons you discussed, along with a restatement of your response to the question. The concluding paragraph is used as a discussion reminder only. It should not be an open discussion presentation because that leaves you with an open ended presentation rather than a concluded discussion.
## working long in the same company

  
  
Though there is an opinion that devoting their lifetime working in the same company would be the best idea, others say that other companies would provide them better opportunity. I would say both views have strong arguments and need to be considered carefully.  
  
People feel more calm and relaxing when they go to a familiar place, so working in the same place for years give them the most joys. Otherwise, others tend to be more motivated when they get to work with a new environment, different people and that is the reason why being in the same organisation day by day can not delight them.  
  
Working in a company for a long time would provide deep knowledge of the company culture and work experience so that there are more opportunities for people to be promoted to a higher position. To be adapted to a brand-new working environment is a big challenge for some people so their best choice would be staying in one organisation and dealing with things that they are familiar to.  
  
On the other hand, spending time in one organization will not make people who are challenge dealers satisfied. For these people, they don't want to stay in the box, and the feeling of keeping working in the same company means not willing to accept the challenge and they would like to take a risk to go more, try more. They tend to have broader knowledge and experience, they are dynamic, open-minded and often more creative. Employers would be impress by these characteristics but there is a disadvantage that can not be denied, they are not so reliable. Organisation would like to employ someone that is willing to work with them for a long time but not just two or three months.  
  
In my opinion, you can intern in some different companies and then choose the one that fits you the most to work with. Give yourself more chances to discover what you prefer but don't make others think that you are just having fun.
The 4 paragraph discussion format of this essay requires you to present your opinion in the middle and towards the end of the reasoning presentations. The format is:  
  
Sentence 1: Public Opinion  
Sentence 2: Reason for the public opinion  
Sentence 3: Personal opinion of the public opinion  
Sentence 4: Your counter reason explanation  
Sentence 5: Additional explanation or example to support your opinion  
  
Your concluding paragraph requires that you wrap up the discussion in that paragraph. You cannot present a personal opinion there because you are to only summarize the discussion by that point. If you want to have a personal opinion as a stand alone paragraph then use the 5 paragraph discussion format:  
  
Par. 1: Paraphrase + Discussion instruction restatement  
Par. 2: First public point of view + explanation  
Par 3: Second point of view + explanation  
Par. 4: Personal opinion + explanation  
Par. 5: Concluding summary / recap  
  
Pick one discussion style and use it. Personally, I ask my beginner students to use the 5 paragraph format to help them get used to the writing style first. After about 5 essays using the same instruction, that is when I allow them to use the 4 paragraph format. They are already familiar with personal explanation presentations at that point. The choice is yours.
## The advantage of tourism

  
  
Nowadays, many developing countries place a lot of importance on tourism. In my opinion, this is a positive development.  
  
Tourism is aggregate service economic. In other words, Tourism play a key driver for service economic growth. A tourist starts a trip, he uses many kinds of service as transport, telecommunication, accommodation service, banking, heath care, fashion, souvenir...Develop tourism mean that develop other services economic.  
  
When develop tourism, many airlines and train are operating with big capacity under rapidly increasing of individual travel demand. In additional, taxi and truck, coach also have a range of customers. From that contribute to the development of transportation economic.  
  
Tourism create the big amount of jobs for many unemployed people. Through out operation of resorts, hotel and restaurants, many low-skilled workers get a job and have a stable income. From that, contribution on handling many social problems as unemployment, reduce the distance between rich and poor, exchange culture from area to area...  
  
Tourism also enhance nation reputation through product of souvenir and foreigner tourist. A country is well-known by operation of tourism. Not only commercial activities as selling souvenir is developing, but also culture value is advertising to other countries through foreigner.  
  
Tourism contribute to budget of local with income from tax of enterprise at there. Develop tourism affect on the need of products, increasing local consumptions. It also give change to research market, looking for business opportunities in the future.  
  
The advantage of tourism not only contribute to GDP, it also is the way of interactive culture over the world. It is the shortest way into the globalization intergration.
The prompt paraphrase section is incomplete and problematic. You need to use at least 3 sentences in this presentation composed of:  
- Topic restatement  
- State the reason you think this is happening  
- Indicate if you believe this is a positive or negative development  
- Give a single reason why you believe this  
  
An additional problem of the presentation is the memorized phrase usage of the term "place a lot of importance on tourism". Since this is taken directly from the original prompt, it will be perceived as a cut and paste presentation, thereby lowering your TA score to the cut and paste scoring level. It will give your scoring foundation a bad start.  
  
Your first sentence in your second paragraph is difficult to understand. Do not focus on using complicated words to express yourself. Aim for clarity using simple words, you will score better in the LR and GRA section that way instead of using complicated words that will make it difficult for the reader to understand your point.  
  
The Task 2 essay is composed only of 4-5 paragraphs, depending upon the number of writing instructions as provided by the prompt. In this case, there are 2 direct questions asked so you have to write no more than 4 paragraphs composed of :  
  
- Paraphrase + question responses  
- First question explanation  
- Second question explanation  
- Concluding summary  
  
Your essay is not well focused and has several GRA, spelling, clarity, and conciseness problems. These are errors that I will not worry about for now. I would rather that you learn how to properly format the essay first, then learn to correct the rest of the errors second. The format carries a heavy scoring consideration, which is why I need you to focus on that aspect of your writing first.
## much better than you expect

  
  
If you ask me how is life in the countryside. I will definitely answer:" It will be much better than you expected a lot". The best time to go to the countryside is the harvest. You can see rice is loaded onto buffalo-drawn carts and dried. This is the first time i have ridden a cart, you will like it too. I went herding the buffaloes with some new friends. We also went flying kites together. Especially the people here don't buy kites, they make them. My grandfather has made me the largest, the most colourful kite I've had. It looks great up there in the sky. I guess this will make you envious. I live more happily here and there's still a lot more to explore. And everything seems to move more slowly here than in the city. I wish everyone could join.
There is a difference between an essay and a statement. An essay has at least 250 words in it. While a statement can be around 150 words only. You called this an essay but you did not provide enough word count for this writing to qualify as an essay. This is a mere statement. What you have are actually topic ideas that you can expand into paragraph presentations. A 5 paragraph presentation would be a simple essay presentation based on this topic. While the presentation has interesting ideas that certainly catch the reader's attention, your presentation does not fully develop any explanation or descriptive points. It fails to continue being interesting as far as the reader is concerned. You need to figure out if you are writing a statement or an essay. If this is just a statement, then the summarized presentation is fine. If you are writing an essay though, this is nothing more than a discussion outline. It does not qualify as an essay presentation.  
  
Reviewing this essay though, I noted several formality problems in your presentation along with some conciseness, spelling, and grammar issues. Please avoid using contractions in your presentation. Since this is an academic writing piece, always spell out the word (don't = do not, I've = I have, there's= there is), double check your helping verb issues, and always capitalize the letter I due to pronoun usage rules.
I am practicing the IELTS writing task 1 and would love to know how my writing, including grammar, coherency, and logic is. Thank you very much.  
  
## *Summarise the information*

  
  
**Average percentages of sodium, saturated fats and added sugars in typical meals consumed in the USA**  
  
The three pie charts demonstrate the proportion of three nutrients (sodium, saturated fat and added sugar), each being absorbed in four typical meals (breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks), in the United States.  
  
In general, people consume the most sodium and saturated fat in dinner, and the most added sugar in snacks. The diagram for sodium resembles the one of saturated fat, showing that more than half of the consumption of the two ingredients are conducted in dinner and lunch. Sodium is consumed 43% in dinner, 29% in lunch, and 14% in both breakfast and snacks. The sequence is the same for saturated fat, with a number of percentage being 37%, 26%, 21% and 16% respectively.  
  
Whereas the ratio of added sugar being consumed in four meals are in the contrary different than that of the previous two nutrients. The highest consumption of added sugar happens in snacks, with 42%. Dinner comes as the second, with 23%. Lunch and breakfast take up the third and forth proportion with 19% and 16% each.  
  
*
Good analysis paragraphs. You presented a truly analytical presentation of the information from the pie chart. However, your summary overview isn't very good. You used only a run-on sentence in that presentation when it should still have used the 3-5 sentence format for the paragraph. Missing from your presentation are the trending sentence and properly divided overview information inclusive of a measurement type. While the summary may have some problems, the rest of your analysis information are well developed and easily understood. You have spelling issue though. The word is "fourth", which indicates the ordinal number after third. Forth means to go forward. Be aware of your word spelling and usage as errors in that section will affect your LR and GRA scores.
## In some countries people spend long hours at work

  
***Why does this happen? Is it positive or negative phenomenon?***  
  
Working is part of everyone's life nowadays. It is undeniable that citizens from many nations around the world have been working hard and spend many hours on that. The main reason for this situation is the burden of finance. This essay will outline the justification and explain why this is a negative reform.  
  
First of all, finance is the only reason that makes people pursuit of working. The fast development, especially in technology and economics, has resulted in expensive price. In other words, people in this day have to work harder in order to earn more money to pay for many demands of normal lives. For instance, the cost of housing, technology devices, or facilities has become higher than in the past a lot. It is clear why many people have to work harder or spend long hours at work.  
  
This development does not seem to bring a beneficial effect on our lives. Japan is a prime example. News about self suicide due to stress working is popular and easy to be seen in Japan - where employers have to spend almost 18 hours a day for working. The rate of self-killing has never been rising as high as they did. One of the main reason for this unexpected situation is working is so stress and gradually lead people to become a depressive person. If the government does not solve this problem timely, there may be more severe consequences.  
  
To conclude, people who spend a long time at work may occur by the pursuit of living due to the high cost. In my opinion, this statement is a negative reform that may caused a serious effect on our long term life.
In the rephrased presentation, you should try to avoid making claims that are not included in the original prompt. For example, you cannot claim that working is a part of everyone's life these days. Everyone is too all encompassing from the children, the adults, and the elderly. The presentation is then making an exaggerated task claim that would make the representation of the statement partly incorrect. You need to make sure that the claims you make will be supported by the original statement. You could have instead said that working is something that all adults have to do. You should not be calling this a reform either. Reform means to alter something. In this case, there is no alteration. Rather is is a negative development, as it is a practice that has developed over time.  
  
Do not say "First of all" if there is no second or third reference in the succeeding presentations. Simply state the topic sentence and move on with the justified discussion presentation. In the second paragraph, you are making a claim about the government. You are offering an opinion about an action the government should take. That is a prompt deviation. You were not being asked what the government should do in the original question set so you should not be presenting a solution or comment where none is required.  
  
You should not be presenting an opinion in the concluding paragraph. If you wanted to present a first person opinion, you should have integrated it into your previous reasoning paragraphs. The concluding paragraph is only always used as the summarized presentation of your discussion points. You cannot continue the discussion in that section as you end up with an open ended essay presentation.  
  
By the way, a quick check of your errors shows that you have several errors in the grammar and Coherence sections of your presentation. Remember to edit your work before considering it final in form. The lack of editing on your part resulted in avoidable errors, if you had proof read your paper first.