dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## news in social media - is this a positive or negative trend?

  
  
Social media is one of the most popular tools for keeping up to date. While everything has its pros and cons, I think it has a positive trend  
  
People use social media every where due to the development of technology and industry. This has become a convenient and useful tool for people to keep in touch with friends, family and up with news and be favored more than other modes of information such as newspaper, TV, radio back then .  
  
Firstly,conecting with friends and family are an essentially part of human's life. without social platforms, humans lose connection with their close relationships and funtime, people end up feeling lonely and abandoned. secondly, with massive of information displayed on the social media, people have chances for learning or consulting documents for free which is helpful for dealing with their problems ; as an example, nowadays,learning languages is much easier compared to the back old day. With low-tech devices and unpopularity of technologies, many people don't access to the internet and social welfare to learn, so that it creates a major barrier for self-taught leaners in accessing leaning resources.Last but not least, social network is not only a tool to share stories, but also to make people more empathy with others around the world, and to store your achievements and beautiful memories with your close ones. This increase your level of happiness during the day and keep your positive mind and attitude towards everyday lives.  
  
Like most things, social media has its negative impact, however, the disadvantages are constantly overshadowed by the numerous pros. Cittizens over the world are becoming more awareness the use of social network service so that it brings in good outcome
**Few gramatical and spelling mistakes:**  
  
**EVERYWHERE**  
**FAVOURED**  
  
massive of **THE** information  
  
Firstly, **CONNECTING** with friends and family **IS** an **ESSENTIAL** part  
to learn~~**,**~~ so that it ... for self-taught **LEARNERS** in accessing **LEARNING** resources.  
..., **A** social network is ...  
  
-This **INCREASES** your  
media has its **A** negative impact,  
**CITIZENS** over ... more **AWARE OF** the use of ... it brings in **A** good outcome
All paragraphs need to be comprised of 3 sentences at least. Writing 2 sentences means you are not following the required writing format for the essay. You must make sure that your work meets the minimum scoring requirements for every paragraph so that you can get a proper scoring consideration for every aspect of the rubic. By the way, you need to rephrase your response from a simple "I think it has a positive trend" to "I view this as a good outcome of social media emergence." or something similar. Just make sure you don't just cut ant paste a response. You will lose TA points for that.  
  
Do not over discuss your paragraphs. Your presentation in the second paragraph became difficult to understand when you decided to throw in too much information in your sample sentence. One or two reference samples in a related discussion sentence is fine, 6 in one sentence means the sentence will spin out of control and end up being a confusing mess to read. That is what happened to that paragraph. It is a jumbled mess of a run-on sentence.  
  
Your paragraphs are over written. There is a 5 sentence limitation on your presentations per paragraph for a reason. It helps to keep the paragraph focused on a discussion topic. One discussion topic. You are not debating in a competition here. You are just trying to explain your point of view to the examiner. You don't need to over present reasons. What you should be doing, is giving a simple explanation as to why your point of view is the right one.  
  
Watch out for your punctuation marks. You forgot to stick a period at the end of your improperly formatted concluding paragraph. What happened to the required opinion, body paragraph summary, and closing sentence in that presentation?
## science and technology at primary schools?

  
  
Question **:In modern society, people think primary schools should teach science and technology rather than history and geography, which are useless and boring. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?**  
  
Many people claim that primary schools should focus on teaching science and technology instead of history and geography. In my opinion, studying these subjects benefit students' future, meanwhile, history and geography help them embrace the past and the environment. Because of these reasons, I partly agree with the mentioned above statement.  
  
On the one hand, studying science courses can hone and sharpen children's minds. For instance, primary school pupils learning mathematics tend to have more efficient logical thinking and decision making skills.Furthermore, acquiring knowledge about coding,computer hardware, or physics aids learners in achieving preferable future career prospects. It is commonly acknowledged that engineering graduates earn eighty thousand dollars on average while it is only forty thousand for non-technical graduates. In general, with the development of technology, acquiring necessary knowledge about it at an early age is definitely crucial.  
  
On the other hand, history and geography still play an irreplaceable role in the education system. The main reason is studying history helps young individuals grasp the national history thoroughly. Primary school children in Vietnam learn about The American War during their classes, so they can understand the adversities which the previous generations had to face. Thus, they might take pride in their nationality. Besides, geography classes equip grade school kids with a deeper understanding about the environment. These classes enable them to learn how the surrounding world is created and how it operates. For example, youngsters can appreciate the importance of trees in preventing soil erosion. As a result, learning geography raises primary school students' awareness regarding environmental problems.  
  
In conclusion, I am convinced that studying science and technology are essential for children to prepare themselves for the future world, but history and geography are still meaningful for understanding the past as well as the present situation.
You did not paraphrase the introduction paragraph enough. You are doing a direct cut and paste of " teaching science and technology instead of history and geography" You need to find more synonyms for the words teaching, science, technology, history, and geography. Use a thesaurus or a dictionary to find similar meaning words that you can use. Remember those words for your actual test time.  
  
Your opening paragraph also does not respond to the prompt question. The question is: Do you agree or disagree with this statement?  
  
What you did was present a comparative opinion of the discussion instead of simply saying "I agree / disagree with this statement for reasons that i believe are valid." There is no "partly agree". This is not an extent essay. You have to pick a side and discuss it. Since you did not pick a side and chose to discuss supporting information for both sides, your essay will be deemed unrelated to the provided task. Hence, you will get a tremendously low TA score. Do not use an extent response if you are not writing an extent essay.
## be diligent, have a routine and understand yourself

  
  
Four years ago, my older sister was going to take a college entrance exam, dreaming that she would be able to work at Google after graduation. She has achieved such success during 4 years of college as gaining some scholarships and English qualifications and now she is working at Google. I've always wanted to know how to make her success in academic life and I found the answer in just 3 measures after a while.  
  
First of all, you need to be hard-working and diligent. For example, you study 4 years or 5 years of college, but your friend has the target of graduating after 3 years and he was followed to the end. That is why the first step towards the success you must take seriously. Secondly, motivation will be great but it will also be very easy to lose, so manage your time by using the schedule for your studies to establish a daily routine. You can use the Trello app to remind, organize your studies and stick to your goals. If you can do it well, it won't be easy to lose motivation and you'll learn to be responsible for your goals without any problems. Finally, whatever you do, but you're not supposed to overdo it because it can lead to bad results, such as making it easy for you to give up the goal. You can relax in a long study session for about 15 minutes and never underestimate the effect of a good night's sleep.  
  
In short, there are many ways to be successful in your academic life but I have been doing my way for 6 months and it works so I want to share it with you. Know, to be effective, you have to be diligent, have a routine and understand yourself
First of all, I don't know what type of essay are you writing but if it is academic then it might be risky to include your personal experience in the introduction. In case this is just an informal article, it's OK. I also recommend that you give more specific overview about three ways to be successful in the introduction.  
  
Secondly, be careful with grammar. In your body paragraph you used the passive voice "he was followed" while it should be "he followed it". Your next sentence is also grammatically incorrect. Should change to:That is the first step toward success that you must take seriously. Try to use more formal language and keep the sentence structure more simple "whatever you do, but you are not supposed to overdo it" can be written as "Finally, no matter what you do, you shouldn't over do it" or just more simple: Finally, do not work to hard  
  
Some phrases in your conclusion "I have been doing my way" "Know" don't make sense in English though they make sense in Vietnamese. You'd better revise it, for example "I have been following this method for 6 months"....
This is a pretty good practice run for your English sentence writing skills. There are a few unclear references in the essay though. There is a lack of clarity in the following sentences:  
  
- She has achieved working at Google. \* How did her scholarships and English qualifications get her a job at Google? Be specific. Give examples to prove that this is what worked for your sister.  
  
- That is why... take seriously. - What first step?  
  
- Finally, whatever you do... to give up the goal. \* This sentence doesn't make any sense. What is the subject of the sentence? You only have a verb reference.  
  
Avoid run-on sentences. Most of your paragraphs are too long. Try not to be so long winded in your presentation. Make sure you always give each sentence a topic and reason. Just one of each. Don't overload the sentences. That is what is causing your structural mistakes in the presentation.
## excessive logging trees in forests

  
  
It is apparent that the forest plays an essential role in the ecosystem as well as human life. However, nowadays, they are felled by logging industries for human purposes, causing bad consequences to the environment. As a result, it is urgent for societies to take steps to mitigate these potential problems.  
  
The overwhelmed deforestation causes a negative impact on the environment. First of all, wild animals who inherently live based on the resources of the forest will lose their dwells and food when trees are logged. The overwhelmed deforestation contributes to the extinction of endangered animals due to a lack of food. Second, trees are considered to be a respiratory system that helps to filter pollutants in the air. Therefore, the cutting down of trees in a large area leads to a decrease in air quality. Moreover, trees are contributors to diminishing the increase in greenhouse gas. Thus, the removal of myriad forests results in the global heating causing the climate change.  
  
It is urgent for both communities and the government to handle this problem. In terms of government, they should impose strict regulations that prohibit illegal deforestation. Besides, the planning of logging activities for agriculture or construction should be controlled seriously before implementation. Next, the government should increase the awareness of citizens about the critical role of the forest through education and propagandized campaigns. In terms of communities, it is necessary to create a habit of reducing, reuse and recycle in their daily life. They should participate in activities for planting trees that are held by the local authority or private organization, which contributes to more green spaces in the country. These solutions mentioned above need the attempt of both government and society as well as the proactive corporate of them.
In order to review your essay based on the prompt requirement, I need to have a copy of the actual prompt. Since there are several practice essays regarding this topic, I cannot be sure of what the actual discussion reference for your essay is, even though I have a comprehensive listing of all the Task 2 questions. Please provide the prompt next time you post at this forum. In the meantime, here is a general review of the grammar related mistakes in your work.  
  
I believe your essay will score better if you do not focus on using advanced vocabulary when the sentence can be completed using simpler words. You don't need to impress the examiner with your vocabulary knowledge, you need to impress the examiner with your ability to present your clear thoughts in the essay. That is often done using simpler vocabulary. For instance, saying "apparent" when the word "clear" will do a better job of delivering a coherent message in a sentence will help your LR, GRA, and C&C score. Bad consequences is not a good descriptive adjective. It tends to create a blurred sentence meaning and presentation. Using terms like adverse or dire consequences would have worked better for the clarity of your presentation.
## reasons to study a foreign language

  
  
At stepping into 21st contemporary attention has been placed on foreign language, with no sign of reduction. It's alleged that people want to learn another language due to traveling or working, while others believe that their purpose are not only like that. In my point of views, it is necessary look at both sides of arguments before forming opinion and I am inclined to the second point.  
  
On the one hand, only by learning foreign language can they travel or work outsight. Since communication is one of the most essential factors that directly affects to convey messages. Therefore, when individuals live oversea, they may utilize language as an effective tool to express. Additionally, money is one of necessary conditions for serving which is the key reason why people choose learning another language to get better living standard instead of current area.  
  
Nevertheless, there are wide range of aims for learning different languages. Firstly, it is not only traveling or doing at any foreign nations but also exploring. Because some people extremely has aspiration to access new cultures all over the world. Secondly, studying extra language which is related to personal major or job, among which tour guide or translator are typical examples. Indeed, some students who are studying English linguistic and literature, try their best to enhance their skills but their needs are not to work abroad.  
  
In my opinion, each person has different reasons for this statement. Studying foreign language has a considerable facilitation of cultivating their interpersonal skills and promoting successful life.
This is a comparative essay. You cannot form an opinion in a comparative essay until the third body paragraph. That is because the prompt requires you to first consider the two sides of the discussion before you present an opinion. How can you present an opinion if you have not considered both sides yet? Bad move. You just lost major TA points because you represented an opinion, when you should not have done so yet. By the way, you cannot have point of views. You can have a point of view or points of view, but never point of views.  
  
This is a 5 paragraph essay. You only used 2 paragraphs for your body so that means you did not properly represent the 2 public opinions prior to presenting your personal opinion. As I reviewed your work, I saw that you neglected to use public point of view references in both body paragraphs. This will lead the examiner to believe that you only responded to the personal opinion aspect as you failed to properly represent each public point of view with a public reference for the opinion being discussed.  
  
Your under developed ideas in each paragraph was not helped by your grammatical error of having used the connecting word "because" to start a sentence. There needs to be a prior reference point in an existing sentence before that term can be used. It is a cause and effect word. It references the effect of a particular cause in a sentence. Don't make that mistake again. It will affect your GRA points.  
  
A personal opinion is normally the 3rd paragraph in this essay. It is never a concluding statement. The concluding statement is always a reverse paraphrase of the previous discussion. Your essay has an open ending instead of a conclusion because of this error on your part.
## the proportion of male and female students

  
  
It is argued that universities need to allow equal figure of male and female study in each subject. This essay agrees that the numbers of each gender need to be balanced. Firstly, this essay will discuss about it is essential to equilibrium male and female study in every subject and secondly, it will discuss on this business will decrease the number of unemployed people in every countries.  
  
It's really necessary and important to balance each student's gender in each subject. It will guarantee that universities don't have too much male or female. After graduate and go out to find a suitable job, the figure of 2 genders is equal. For example, National Economic University - one of the best and long - standing universities in Viet Nam was putted into practice this method and succeeded with many talented man.  
  
The number of unemployed people in each major in every countries. If this university has enough male and female students, they won't accept more students, so others have to apply for an another university. After training, they can find out a suitable job for themselves and reduce unemployed people. There's no example for this opinion or any universities did it before but I think it will profound effect if we do this system in the future.  
  
To sum up, the acceptance balance numbers of male and female study in every subject should be allowed with universities because of the importance of this business and for the future of each country - decreasing digital of unemployed people.
Do not outline your discussion in the opening statement of your Task 2 test. The first paragraph is the English comprehension portion of the test. The examiner is looking at your ability to restate an English paragraph using your own words. He is also looking at your ability to respond to English questions. Your proper response to the prompt requirement will prove your English comprehension skills. The essay is also not the one responding to the prompt. The response is coming from you. So, you have to refer to yourself in first person in the response and throughout the essay itself. Here is a sample of the proper paraphrase:  
  
*University administrators are discussing a question in relation to student admissions in their schools. There is an inquiry as to whether or not they should admit a proportional set of gentlemen and ladies as pupils in different courses. My strong opinion, is that the universities should admit an equal number of genders in every college major.*  
  
GRA scores will be affected by our use of conjunctions in this essay. Avoid shortened versions of "do not", "that is" , "He is", etc. This is an academic paper. As such, you must use formal rather than informal English word presentations at all times.  
  
Your first reasoning paragraph does not have clear explanation and strong supporting information for the example presented. It is confusing to read and makes little sense to a native English speaker. You have 5 sentences per paragraph. Make sure to use the sentences after the example to better explain the meaning of your paragraph.  
  
The topic sentence of the second reasoning paragraph is incomplete. There is a subject, but no verb to describe the action or topic of the sentence. Make sure every sentence you write has meaning. Maybe the sentence sounded complete in your mother tongue, but it certainly did not give any information to the reader in English.  
  
There is no properly concluded summary in the presentation. The last sentence in the presentation is a run-on sentence that leaves the essay open ended instead of concluded with a summarized discussion. The essay is not very well developed, written, and presented so it will not be able to achieve a passing score in an actual setting.
@Linhnguyen27  
Why don't you try using more simple vocabulary and sentence structure? It will make your essay easier to understand. When you try to use too many complex words and sentence structures, you tend to make more mistakes. You should also improve your grammar. After graduate - After graduating; find out - find; reduce unemployed people - reduce the number of unemployed people. The structure of the last sentence in your second paragraph is wrong. You should use active voice here. I feel your reason given in the third paragraph illogical as I cannot see the connection between accepting the equal number of male and female student with stop accepting student.
## The two maps illustrate the changes of road access to the hospital in two different years - 2007 and 2010.

  
Overall, one principal development that can be seen is the transportation infrastructure and the construction of the new public parking area and the new bus station.  
  
In 2010, one roundabout has been constructed on the way to the city hospital along with another one at the intersection of Hospital Road and City Road; while the other has been built on the North side of the City Road near the second roundabout as mentioned.  
  
Back in 2007, the parking area on the East side of the Hospital Road was for both staff and public uses; however, a new parking for public cars has been built, making the old one for-staff-only. Furthermore, all six bus stops along the Hospital Road to the hospital have been removed and replaced with a new bus station on the West side of the Hospital Road and connected with the two roundabouts on the same road as mentioned.  
  
*
You were able to clearly describe the illustrations. However, you did not properly format your sentences so that you would have had the minimum 3 paragraph presentation for this essay. You have written every paragraph as a run-on sentence. This has created a hard to follow presentation on the part of the reader. It becomes difficult to follow the description when there is no pause in the paragraph. You need to know when to insert a full stop / period in the sentence so that the reader will have a chance to digest what you are saying. The current presentation is a marathon read which would cause point deductions in the C&C and GRA scoring sections. Aim for clarity in your presentation. Use individual sentences for your descriptions. You have up to 5 sentences per paragraph anyway. Use the sentence allotment properly. Don't mistake long sentences for complex sentences. That is a common mistake made by exam takers. It is the vocabulary and sentence structure that prove your complex sentence usage, not the length of a sentence.