dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Alimin, are you enrolled in English classes at the moment? If you are, how is it possible that you have managed to overlook the very first rule of English grammar writing that states; "The first word of every sentence must be capitalized." That is a serious and unforgivable writing error on your part that shows a lack of even the most basic English grammar skills on your part. Add to that the lack of coherence and cohesiveness in your writing due to the confusing use of English words and there is absolutely no way your essay will pass on the most basic requirements pertaining to LR, C&C, and GRA scoring.  
  
The fact that your opening paraphrase is only 2 sentences long adds to the problem of your essay as the minimum acceptable sentence presentation is 3 per paragraph. It is this extremely short opening statement that led you to not present a proper restatement of the prompt you were given. Since this essay is obviously going to get a failing score in the final consideration, let me at least show you how a proper paraphrase for this would have gone. That is the least I can do for you because the rest of your mistakes cannot be fixed as simply as the opening restatement can be fixed.  
  
*The past decade has shown a rapid increase in the economic growth of various countries. This growth spurred increased life qualities for the citizens living in cities but not in the provinces. As such, a new problem seems to have been created in terms of economic development for these countries. This essay will present a look into one or two problems that this has created. I will then offer a solution on how the effects of the problem may be limited in terms of affecting the village population of the countries.*  
  
Stick to only the facts given in the original prompt and split your presentation up into individual sentence in order to offer a clearer version of the prompt restatement.
Please help me to revise the essay, thanks!  
**Young people today are more likely to invest their time and effort on improving the world than young people in the past.**  
  
## young people contribution to the society

  
  
There exists a range of myths toward youth's voluntary. One of such myths is that young people today put more their efforts to make the place we live better than the youngsters in the past. The reasons are obvious and strong.  
  
It is said that since the students have more opportunities to arrange their schedule nowadays, and thus they have time to participate in community services. This, however, is not necessarily true. Indeed, the students have more time after classes, but they will invest in themselves instead of society. They join the clubs to make more new friends and learn social skills or have a part-time job to earn money. It seems that they are able to take more advantages from other works immediately than helping the people.  
  
It is also feared, on the other hand, youngsters have lots of freedom to get touch with the charities or social activities, while there were many laws confined people's actions from the former government. The fact, nonetheless, may be otherwise. The frauds from donating money or crimes about the legality of the groups are increasing that usually launch on the news. Sometimes, it is difficult for teenagers to tell the illegal situations without much experience. It will pose them into danger and decrease the ideas to volunteer to help others.  
  
Some people still argue, lastly, that young people easily conduct what they desire to do, while people did not have a range of sources in the past. But this argument still appears arbitrary. Although the children receive the information about being kind to the environment on the internet or in the school, the parents overly protect their children. The parents afraid their only child will get hurt or ask the child to focus on his homework. Sending their children to the cram school or staying at home safely is more crucial than help others.  
  
Given the reasons that investing in themselves, keeping the danger at bay, and overly be protected by parents, it is not logical to say the young people are willing to contribute to improving the society.
Maybe it is better to assert your answer, whether you agree with the statement or not, better and in a much more clear way.  
  
... their schedule nowadays, ~~and thus t~~hey have time ...  
  
... on the other hand, that youngsters have lots (...) social activities, I am not sure though, just double check it  
  
to get in touch  
  
laws That confined  
  
Some people still argue, lastly, that young people I am not sure about this kind of usage, it sounds a little odd. So if you are sure can you give me a reference that I can learn too.  
  
About the reasons, they sound good, however I guess you can show the relationship between the reason and you stance on the argument in a much clearer way. This was how I felt about the writing. for instance, in the last reason, I waited till the end of the paragraph to see how it is related to the topic.  
  
thank you for your corrections on my writing as well.
Ching, your prompt is lacking the discussion instruction sentence. That is why I am finding it difficult to review this essay. Please make sure to post the complete and original prompt next time you come here for an essay review. I will be unable to properly study your essay without it. Your opening paragraph is not informative. It does not provide an accurate representation of the original prompt. It also neglects to inform the reader as to what kind of essay discussion you are going to present and why. Based upon the problems of your opening statement, I can tell that the TA score for this essay will not be enough to help it pass the test. When you do not get a high TA score, the rest of the scoring criteria is automatically scored on a lower scale as well. The errors of the TA carry over or spill over to the rest of the essay content. Hence, the final score is immediately lower than you would expect.  
  
Additionally, you need to learn when you use terms such as "On the other hand". That is always placed at the start of the paragraph to indicate that you are making a comparison discussion of the the first opinion with this new, second opinion. Review some example essays here and note how they use these terms within. That should help you understand how to accurately use the term.
@Holt  
**Thank you for all suggestions!  
I revised my mistakes below. I would greatly appreciate it if you give me more advice!  
Thanks again!**  
  
When it comes to the personality of youth's volunteering, some people believe that young people today put more their efforts to make the place we live better, while people in the past are unwilling to participate. That is why there are more youngsters invest their time and energy to volunteer works. I doubt this statement for a spectrum of reasons which I will be discussing below.  
  
It is said that since students have more opportunities to ...  
  
It is also feared, furthermore, that youngsters have lots of freedom to get touch with the charities or social activities, while there were many laws to confine people's actions from the former government. The fact, nonetheless, may be otherwise. News about fraud involving donation is reported now and it is difficult for teenagers to tell the illegal situations without much experience. Some people who pretend they are charity will force people to donate money, buy pens or even borrow money on the street. If the youngsters do not have the ability to judge, this will pose danger for them and decrease their willingness to volunteer.  
  
Some people still argue, lastly, that young people easily ...
Hello, this is the first time I use Essay Forum. I'm grateful for having expertise's help.  
  
## UK telephone callers

  
  
**The chart shows changes in the whole spending time of minutes(in billions) for the UK telephone callers during 1995 and 2002, divided into local, national & international and mobiles.**  
  
Overall, it is obviously to see that the local-fixed line users spent the most time, with over 50% for each eight years from 1995 to 2002. Subsequently, the national & international-fixed line and mobiles users stayed behind, and unlike the local users, both of them displayed a incline trend.  
  
It was a large distance between the mobiles and local callers in 1995, with a approximately 70% comparing to 5% below. However, by 2002, the mobiles have comfortably increased to around 40%, while the local decreased to about 60%.  
  
In the year of 2002, was a major transition that the mobiles began to raise up rapidly; on the contrast, the local started to show a downward trend. Nevertheless, the national & international users have been steadily growing during these years.  
  
That's all of my essay. Thank you!
TingTing, your essay is not within the minimum required number of words for a Task 1 essay. Don't forget that you will be penalized for writing under the 150 word minimum in this particular task. In order to not receive a penalty, please make sure that you write at least the minimum word requirement. In fact, it would be better if you wrote more than that. Aim for at least 200 words in the essay in order to increase your chances at increasing your overall score. The best way to meet the word requirement is to try to write at least 3 sentences per paragraph, 5 would be more ideal. the reason that you have to write more is because the analysis portion of the writing can only be properly presented within a more complete explanation of the provided information. had you attached the image for this essay, I would have been able to show you exactly how to do that. At the moment, it seems that you just have a superficial understanding of the image that you were provided and the information you present is not really analyzed. You just went for the obvious information, which is why your presentation came in under the word count.
@IELTSWARRIOR  
Hi, I think you should not have addressed the details before properly paraphrasing the prompts.  
  
Here is an example I offer for you:  
The chart below shows the total number of minutes ...  
=> **The bar chart shows the total duration of telephone calls in billion minutes, in the UK from 1995 to 2002. They fall into three categories, namely: local fixed line calls; national and international fixed line calls; and all types of mobile calls.**
Hellooo there..., it is always good to include the picture of the graph as this way helps us to help you thoroughly mark your essay. Without any picture, it sometimes takes time to proofread such an essay. As seen above, some have already shared their valuable feedback towards your essay. They suggest that you should pay particular attention to what IELTS wants you to do: word requirement, coherence and cohesion, and paraphrased prompt. I also notice that you need to put more concern on how you develop your paragraphs. A good paragraph, as far as my concern, at least consists of three sentences in a row, including a topic sentence and two supporting sentences. Take a look at more closely your paragraphs above shows that majority of them are missing those criteria. I think you'd better rewrite them, then I'll be back to check other parts. Good luck :D  
  
- Eddy Suaib.
**It is more important for universities to invest in infrastructure and physical plant than to invest in keeping the faculty satisfied.  
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer**  
  
## invest more on faulty

  
  
It is no doubt that two of most important elements of a successful university are good infrastructure and good faculty. It is always a problem how to make to the best use of school budget. Some people think universities should focus on physical facility because it allows students to learn more efficiently. However, I consider it is more important to keep faculty happy than to upgrade infrastructure and physical plants.  
  
While advanced and high-tech facilities make students easy to learn, human capital plays vital role of students' learning. Image even though a school has the latest computers, it is just a waste of money if no one knows how to use them. Contrastingly, well-trained faulty can teach students well without having the best facility. Moreover, I think it is meaningless for a university to build a lot of new buildings. The reason is that students are able to keep using the same building for a long time. Many buildings at well-known universities have been using over one hundred years.  
  
In addition, it is important to keep good professors at universities. In my point of view, professors are the greatest asset of a university instead of facility. Most students are not attracted by wonderful facility but by famous professors. In Taiwan, universities often pay famous professors a big amount of money to keep them at school, and high school students choose their top university based on teachers. Therefore, universities are better to invest more on faculty.  
  
Last but not least, keeping faculty satisfied makes them enthusiastic and motivated on teaching. Except for decent salary, universities can do a lot for letting their faulty happy, like renting them cheap apartments. By doing so, teachers are able to push more effort of teaching without worrying other annoying stuffs. Eventually, it enables students to receive high quality of education.  
  
In short, universities are supposed to invest more on faulty because good faulty is able to offer more profits and advantages to universities.  
  
This is my first post. Please give me some advice. Many thanks!!
Sheanen, the next time you post the original prompt, kindly post the complete prompt instructions. What you posted here is only a partial representation of the original prompt as the first half of the discussion instruction is missing. Without the full prompt, I cannot accurately review your essay for prompt responsiveness and accuracy. In the meantime, I would like to call your attention to some general problems in your presentation.  
  
For starters, in the opening statement, you cannot begin your discussion regarding your opinion at the end of the paragraph. You can only imply that you will be discussing your personal opinion as supported by reasons and examples specific to the discussion. This is the golden rule of the opening statement paraphrase. You cannot begin the discussion in the opening statement due to the lack of sentence allotment. The evidence and opinion must be presented in the succeeding body paragraphs instead.  
  
As the prompt instructions are not complete, I am not sure if you should really be discussing the topic in a contrasting manner. There is nothing in the prompt that you posted which justifies such a discussion. Therefore, you may not have discussed the paragraph properly. However, in the event that you did discuss it in the manner expected, then the contrasting opinion should have been discussed as a separate paragraph in the next line. Each paragraph must have only one topic for discussion each. You have 3 body of paragraphs within which you can discuss 3 reasons or supporting statements for your opinion.  
  
Your concluding statement is inaccurate. You need to provide a proper summary of the discussion along with a closing sentence. This paragraph is normally composed of 3 sentences, not one line because you cannot prove your GRA skills in any paragraph with only one sentence. That goes against the C&C requirement of a complete paragraph presentation in the essay.
Hi, I try to make some corrections for you.  
  
... the latest computers **and** it is just a waste of ...  
  
--- you need a conjunction to correct the run-on sentence.  
  
~~It~~ **There** is no doubt ...  
  
... how to make ~~to~~ the best use ...  
  
... focus on physical **facilities** because it allows ...  
--- "facility" is a countable noun  
  
... human capital plays **a** vital role ...  
  
... students well without ~~having~~ the best facility.  
  
... universities have been ~~using~~ **used** over ...
***The bar chart shows different methods of waste disposal in four cities: Toronto, Madrid, Kuala Lumpur and Amman.  
Summarize the information by describing the main features of the chart and making comparisons where appropriate.***  
  
## waste management in the world

  
  
The bar chart illustrates the differences in waste management between four cities - Toronto, Madrid, Kuala Lumpur and Amman. The methods they use consist of landfill, incineration, recycling and composting. In this essay I will outline the destinations of waste in the cities listed and draw comparisons where appropriate.  
  
Overall, composting is the least used disposal technique, with just a small fraction of waste converted to compost in each city. Recycling is carried out on a modest scale in Madrid and Kuala Lumpur, though it is less common in the other cities. The primary disposal processes are landfill and incineration, which cope with around 70% of waste combined in each city.  
  
In Amman, approximately only three percent of waste ends up as compost. While the composting rate is slightly higher in anywhere else, it fluctuates within the bracket between five to ten percent. By way of comparison, Madrid recycles marginally above 20% of waste, roughly the same percentage as Kuala Lumpur but more than ten percent higher than Toronto or Amman does.  
  
The use of landfill and incineration varies with the city. In Toronto and Amman each, landfills absorb up to around 75% and 50% of waste products, while about 10% and 40% of those are fed to incinerators. In Madrid and Kuala Lumpur, however, the situation is reversed. Respectively, 40% and around 55% of waste materials are reduced to ash, whereas approximately only 30% and 15% of those are buried on land.  
  
**I would more appreciate it if you score my essay.  
I tried to develop my own writing style this time. Hope it works.**  
  
*
Gang, I hope you are sitting down while you are reading this because I have some good news for you. Based upon the development of this essay and the minimal grammatical errors that you presented in the sentence structures, I firmly believe that you are on your way to scoring you first 8 in a practice test. Scratch that, I believe that this essay does deserve an 8 in the overall score. I was pleased to read this paper that actually isn't trying to sound like anything but you. What I mean is, when you are not trying to follow a template for a presentation, you sound more natural and you actually end up writing in a better manner than before. It is complex enough to gain a high score in the GRA section and also, is coherent and cohesive enough to get the 8 bracket score in both scoring sections. I need not mention the TA and LR sections anymore because it is quite obvious that you did extremely well in those sections as well. I just want you practice the sentence structures at this point. You need to gain a certain smoothness in the presentation so that you can come across as a native speaker. Let me show you some samples of polished versions of your sentences:  
  
... waste ends up as compost  
- ends up in the compost  
  
By way of comparison,  
- In comparison...  
  
A comma was needed here:  
roughly the same percentage as Kuala Lumpur , but more than...  
  
The use of landfill and incineration varies with the city.  
- varies per city  
  
landfills absorb ~~up to~~ around 75%  
- It is better to always be precise in your statements to give it an aura of authority instead of uncertainty. You need to have confidence and believe in the information you are presenting.  
  
In Madrid and Kuala Lumpur, however, the situation is reversed.  
- However, in Madrid and Kuala Lumpur , the ...  
  
Respectively, 40% and around 55% of waste materials are reduced to ash, whereas approximately only 30% and 15% of those are buried on land.  
- In this sentence, you should have used the country names instead of the word "respectively" because "respectively" is normally used after the nouns are provided. It is not used to start a new sentence because it connotes a one is to one relationship between words. It is a connecting word. Avoid using that term as much as possible because most readers would have to go back to your previous statement in order to remember what you were talking about. Always be specific instead.
## pros and cons of moving abroad

  
  
These days seeking a carrier and life on foreign land has become a sort of tradition for the young minds, they dream about having better and more opportunistic life at abroad. Moving to abroad indeed opens up the gate of opportunities but also brings the risk and challenges, which most people don`t anticipate.  
  
Countries, which are undergoing lots of reform and development phases, sometimes runs behinds the developed countries in the race of providing promising and fruitful life for the people, so more often people are reluctant to stay in their home country rather seeks life of their dream at foreign land, where they can thrive and have chance to prove them and developed countries certainly races ahead in terms of providing.  
  
Moving abroad brings the new experience in the life, it gives the chance to assimilate in the foreign culture and ability to thrive in the totally new environment, which is certainly a life changing experience for the immigrants, you learn new customs and develop your taste for the new cuisine which your host country has to offer, you don`t hesitate to try your newly learnt language skills, you make new friends.  
  
Life at abroad is not always plain sailing, it has its own down side as well, some instance of communication problems with locals are normal but when it becomes daily headache then things can be very frustrating and in result people either stops showing around to locals or try to imbibe in their own community which they find easy and convenient.  
  
There are some times when people feels down and they don`t have good network of friends and family which they enjoy at their home country, these kinds of situations are very often.  
  
Overall moving to abroad, has its own ambivalence experience but in my opinion, it does give you a challenge in your life to overcome your weakness and a chance to broaden your horizon.
Naveen, your essay cannot be properly reviewed due to the lack of the original prompt requirement. Without the original prompt, we do not have a basis for the content of your essay. Therefore, I cannot categorically say that you have good content in your essay. Nor can I assure you that the quality of your essay falls within the required standards of the test you will be taking. Please remember to indicate what test you are taking and to upload the original prompt requirement the next time you post an essay.  
  
I can however, comment on the general format of your essay. The first observation of which is the paragraph count. Whether it be a TOEFL or IELTS test, the maximum paragraph requirement is 5 paragraphs of 3-5 sentences each. In this instance, you have 6 paragraphs, meaning you are over the paragraph requirement by 1 paragraph and your sentences are all run-on sentences. That means, you only have a single sentence per paragraph. That is enough to automatically get you a failing score in your test.  
  
Overall, this is a very badly developed essay. I do not have any basis to offer you additional help with your writing problems because I do not have the original prompt which helps me to assess that part of your work. I will probably be able to offer you a better review of your next essay. Provided you remember to provide me with the original prompt.