dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## a strong passion for learning English

  
  
Before I made my decision to take an English major, I had taken account of several reasons. First of all, I was fortunate enough to be a student of English class during my high school time and this was of great advantage to me to choose any field that is related to English study or required basic English skills. Also, a strong background in English would make it easier for me to study in a program/course where I have to learn and deal with English literature, poetry reading, as well as do a lot of writings. For this reason, English might be an ideal major for me at this point. Additionally, ever since I was a child, I had developed a strong passion for learning English and wished to pursue a career in English translating and interpreting. This is why, apart from being a student of English class, I would like to take a further step towards a higher education where I would major in English and turn my passion into my life's career. Furthermore, the fact that a degree in English would lead to various career paths after graduation has eventually reinforced my decision that a major in English is the perfect choice for university. Looking back, I have absolutely no regrets of my choice and are putting maximum efforts into making it worth choosing.
... to take ~~an~~ English as my major, **I had taken account of several reasons.** this makes no sense, should change it First of all, ~~I was fortunate enough~~ it was of great luck of me/ i was very lucky to be a student ... advantage ~~to~~ for me to choose...  
  
... as well as ~~do~~ (a sequence of nouns so 'do' cannot stay here) a lot of writings.  
... a career ~~in~~ of English ...  
... step towards ~~a~~ higher ... I would **major** should replace major with specialise in English ...  
... decision that a **major** too much repetition, you can use deep study in English/ my studying English in depth is the perfect ...  
... my choice and ~~are~~ I am putting my maximum ...
Dang, it would be better for your discussion if you opt to discuss your reason for choosing English as your major based on your desire to pursue a career as a translator and interpreter. These are more geared towards an academic and professional goal that work side by side. it makes you sound like you have a chosen your career path soon after graduation. That is a type of determination that the reviewers tend to be pleased with. By the way, you are not a "student of English class", you are a "student of English". You can stop saying class because a class is what you enroll in to learn. Therefore you are just a student at this point.  
  
The first 4 sentences can be omitted from this presentation. It does not really help to move your essay forward because it is too focused on your previous, early English interest when what the essay requires if a forward thinking presentation of your reasons. By removing those sentences, you will be able to free up more words to help you better explain your academic and profession related goals, which is the basis of the essay.
## eco-friendly farm with a therapy

  
  
Farm, ranch, grange, you name it, and most people would dream of having it. However, there are three essentials for my dream farm. The first essential is that my farm must be eco-friendly. For example, I will use organic fertilizers and natural preventions instead of chemical fertilizers and pesticides. Then there will be harmless to the environment and kind to all lives. Also, my dream farm must be self-sufficient. I can make a living on my own from the daily farm products. For instance, I can make breads by growing wheats and have fresh milk by raising cows. Finally, my dream farm must have therapeutic effect. When I am upset, I can walk around the farm and indulge myself in the easy atmosphere that makes me comfortable. In conclusion, my dream farm must be eco-friendly, self-sufficient, and therapeutic. Hopefully, I can happily stay there forever.
The first few sentences of your presentation are a bit confusing. Not everyone would dream of living on a farm and yet your sentence makes it appear like everyone wants to live on a farm. Maybe you should rephrase that to instead say "people who wish to live on farms would dream of having these things on their own farm." The third sentence is incorrect as it should indicate "these" rathe than "there". I don't believe that these errors are so serious that it would change the meaning of your paragraph. However, clarity is important when you are practicing to write in English because using the wrong vocabulary can change the word meaning. Make sure to brush up on your vocabulary skills. That is your bigger problem at the moment. Your ability to write in an almost clear beginner English manner is good to read in this paragraph. It assures me that you are on the right track towards writing at a native speaker level in the future.
## celebrities are not known from their achievements

  
  
**Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?**  
  
Nowadays, an increasing number of people become celebrities because of their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements. However, while I agree that it has a negative impact on a teenager, I believe that some celebrities still act as a role model.  
  
On the one hand, there are various reasons why people may argue that some celebrities are a bad example for young people. First of all, celebrities become popular due to their fancy, wealth and glamorous lifestyles instead of outstanding achievement so that teenagers envies and desire those lifestyles, which becomes a negative influence on the teenager. Another reason is that the celebrities are not only acting talents below the average compared others celebrities, but also showing something which is not useful to teenagers with a bright future, and therefore this makes sensation to the public. For example, A CROWD group, two young YouTuber Jian-Neon and Andy, who are a couple in Taiwan, always post videos which shows mischief less of their acting. Finally, celebrities' hedonistic lifestyles negatively influence young people because this may cause that young people to "enjoy their life" instead of hard work.  
  
On the other hand, the negatively influence arguments given above can be considered from the opposite angle. Firstly, movie or sports stars become celebrities through incredible acts and outstanding performance, which plays an important role model and has a positive impact on a teenager. Secondly, if celebrities have strong determination and hard work to get a masterpiece of article creative, they would be recognized by the public and obtain great achievements. An example is that a director from an act is Amir Khan, who has become a world famous Bollywood celebrity through his inspirational and creative movies instead of his wealth or attractive personality. Finally, celebrities have creativity, innovation, and abilities can inspire adolescents, even changing in their life for good.  
  
In conclusion, although celebrities' glamour and wealth may lead to negative example to young people, from my point of view, I wholeheartedly agree that some celebrities who have outstanding performance would have a positive impact on adolescents.
Allen, there are two problems with this essay, The first, is your response to the prompt requirement. The second, is the lack of clarity in your discussions. Let's address these problems one at a time below.  
  
The prompt paraphrase is asking you to deliver a measured response to the agree or disagree statement. The error lies in the following:  
  
*Original question : To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?  
Your Response: ... while I agree that it has a negative impact on a teenager, I believe that some celebrities still act as a role model.  
  
Appropriate Response: I partially agree with the aforementioned statement due to several reasons.*  
  
The measured response is important because it shows the examiner that you know how to use "emotional" words to describe your opinion. Based on your original statement, it appears that you have a measured, half and half opinion of the given statement which is why I formatted the more appropriate response in the aforementioned manner.  
  
Now, let's address the clarity problem in your discussion.  
  
Your second paragraph sounds like a badly translated presentation of a paragraph that was originally written in your native tongue. It is obvious that you were thinking in a different language and then using English alternative words as you know these to be, without consideration of the proper word usage and how it applies to the statement you wish to make. Hence the confusing presentation of ideas in this paragraph. You need to work on sentence clarity, That can only be achieved by having you familiarize yourself with more English words and its correct meaning for proper application to your paragraphs.  
  
Now, while using examples that are familiar to you help to illustrate your meaning, when your reasoning sentences are problematic and not easily understandable, presenting country specific examples that may not be familiar to the examiner will not help your essay. It is best to use generalized examples for that part so that the examiner can develop a better idea of what you are trying to say.
## young leaders in the government

  
  
***Nowadays more and more young people hold the important positions in the government. Some people think that it is a good thing while others argue that it is not suitable. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.***  
  
There are more and more young workers doing important work in the government. Although I agree that youngsters are not suitable to hold influential jobs, such as leaders and managers, I believe that this trend is great for the society.  
  
There are several benefits for young managers to lead a team. For example, they are young enough to have more energy than older ones to achieve their goals and potential. Working long hours does not seem difficult for these younger leaders. As a result, they can spend much more time concentrating on their projects and have better memory to analyse statistics. Young people also know more about how to involve technology into their work, which makes their work more efficient. They use social networking websites, such as Facebook and Instagram, to promote government's policy rather than traditional paper advertisements which cannot spread as quickly and widely as the Internet.  
  
On the other hand, young labours are more likely to be impatient about the boring process of their work. This may sometimes lead to misunderstanding if they do not spend enough time on explanation. By contrast, older workers seem to be more loyal to their organisation and have more experience in their career. They know not only how to solve the problems they face in a quicker way but also how to better deal with the relationship between colleagues and managers.  
  
In conclusion, while I agree that it is a stable choice that elderly people hole the important jobs in the government, I believe that young leaders can create new things easily because they are more likely to think creatively.
@cv47522 when you are asked to discuss 2 points of view plus a personal opinion, you are tasked to create a 3 paragraph reasoning essay that focuses on the public discussion firt, your personal opinion last. That means this a 5 paragraph essay that does not focus on a singular point of view as you currently present. Remember, this is being based on the public opinion, which is represented by the phrases "Some people" and "others", with instructions pointing you in the 2 public point of view discussion first with the instruction "Discuss both these views" then having it ask you to "give your opinion". With this explanation given, it should be obvious to you that your paraphrasing is incorrect. The correct instruction sentence paraphrase is,*" It is important that I consider both opinions before creating my personal insight into the discussion."* This version of the paraphrase clearly follows the instructions from the original prompt and also, outlines your upcoming discussion format.  
  
Don't forget to use opinion representations in your discussion paragraphs to indicate which point of view is being presented. n this instance, you could opt to use the key phrases:  
  
*The group that supports this opinion does so because,,,  
  
While the opposing faction believes...  
  
Considering both sides, I would like to opine that...*  
  
Clearly indicating the opinion being discusses as part of the topic sentence presentation of each reasoning paragraph will help you present a clearer discussion, which increased your C&C scoring potential.  
  
Now, while the reasons you presented are clear and good, these are all coming from a singular point of view which is the opposite of what the prompt is asking you to do. While this shows me that you understand the topic and that you have good reasons for the discussion, altering the prompt discussion requirement could lead you to receive a failing score for this essay. Always stay on track with the discussion to increase your TA score.  
  
Remember to double check the prompt discussion instruction before you submit the paper to be sure that you did not create a discussion that does not address the requirements. You forgot to do that this time, which is why you wrote an essay that doesn't follow the instructions. I don't need to tell you what the results of not following the instructions can be right?
## the role of public parks to human life

  
  
Public parks have been considered as an indispensable aspect every community due to its profound positive impact on citizens' lives. While some people state that we should cut down on the establishment of parks to make room for housing areas or business enterprises, I strongly believe that parks play an irreplaceable role in our lives and must be developed in quality and scale.  
  
It is no doubt true that public parks directly boost the development of people in both mental and physical aspects. Whether it is going for a long stroll with a partner, doing physical exercises every morning or simply just going on a decent weekend camp with your family, parks are the top-of-mind option of the majority of us. What's more, go sightseeing in the park or congregating with friends enhances a sense of relaxation enjoyed by most people.  
  
Another reason why we should retain the existence of public parks is that it possesses vital environmental significance. Parks contain a diversity of trees and plants that absorb carbon dioxide whereas emits oxygen into the atmosphere, this process helps purifies the air and hinder the progress of global warming, not to mention other positive consequences. Furthermore, children can take advantage of the botanical environment in public parks by seizing more exposure to nature, from which they comprehend not only knowledge but also affection toward the biological study.  
  
From the aforementioned reasons, I must concede that the role of public parks to human life is of substantial significance: they make improvement in people's mental and physical well-being and help protect the environmental condition of the locality. Therefore they should not be replaced by houses or business companies, especially in urban areas where skyscrapers are rampant, the existence of parks is important to counterbalance the confinement and pollution that are already overdose.
## responsibility for citizens' health

  
  
In the era of globalization, a lot of foreigners have come to Vietnam for many purposes. Therefore, Vietnam becomes a country which has a variety of delicious food and drinks. However, it is a problem for Vietnamese. According to the statistics in 2017, Vietnam saw a rise of people who were obese. In this essay, I will find some solutions for this problem which can be by individuals and by government, too.  
  
First of all, I want to discuss about the government's responsibilities for citizens' health. There are many social backgrounds in Vietnam. Therefore, there are still lots of the poor who also want to reap the associated benefits of health. In my opinion, the heads of the city should build more free gym centers or parks for citizens. For example, there are many parks in Vietnam which have sport facilities, but it is quite old and sometimes dangerous to people who use them. The government should also ban advertising junk food at times when children are watching, because they tend to prefer fast food to healthy one.  
  
I also find some solutions for individuals. We should do exercise regularly for our well-being. For instance, if you are too busy to do activities, you can do housework like gardening. That will also help you to improve health. With me, parents should teach their children about the food which they eat and can let them eat fast food ocassionally. Because they are still children, we can't force them to eat in a balanced diet like adults.  
  
In conclusion, both individuals and government have responsible for their health in order not to cause a heavy load on a country's healthcare industry. In my opinion, I prefer the government should build more free gym clubs that can help everybody keep fit.
Dear Bich,  
  
*"In the era of globalization.... Therefore...(I cannot see the link between 2 sentences) However, it is a problem for Vietnamese. According to the statistics in 2017, Vietnam saw a rise ... In this essay, ... which can be used by both individuals and by government, too.  
  
... the poor who also want to reap the benefits of public health.  
..., but they are quite old ... food at times because when children are watching,because they tend ...  
  
..., you can do housework like gardening. ... to improve your health. With me, parents should ...  
... children, we cannot force them ...  
  
... government have responsibilities for their ... healthcare system..."*  
  
- full of mistakes  
- sometimes your points do not make sense to me at all
*Hello everyone! My name's Giang. I'm planning to take IELTS exam next summer, so I have to improve my writing skills. I really need your help with my essay.*  
  
[TOPIC]  
**Some people say that online learning is the most effective and some convenient way to learn.  
Others say that online learning will never be as effective as learning at a real school, in person.  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.**  
  
## IELTS WRITING TASK 2: E-LEARNING

  
  
[ESSAY]  
In recent years, we have seen a growing tendency for people to study online. Although I accept that e-learning has few disadvantages, I hold to the view that it is an excellent way of studying.  
  
On the one hand, learning online seems to be less effective than traditional classroom. First, it is an indisputable fact that students may find it difficult to concentrate on the lessons without teacher's presence, because there is a wide range of disturbing factors from the surrounding environment to the computer itself. Second, it is generally agreed that it is much more difficult for learners to absorb knowledge sometimes, due to the lack of direct instructions from teachers. This drawback gets blamed for contributing to the high dropout rate of e-learning.  
  
On the other hand, I would strongly argue that online studying is the most flexible and interesting way to gain knowledge. To begin with, learners are only required to spend 2 or 3 hours per day working on their online courses, so they can study whenever they are available, as long as they are capable of completing their assignments on time. Another benefit is that e-learning creates a lot of interaction between students and their instructors or their peers. On an online course I have attended recently, for example, I have a weekly online meeting with my lecturers and classmates that allows me to discuss homework projects and have my questions answered clearly. This example illustrates how online learning can help students to learn better, as well as, provide teachers with effective tools to keep track of their students.  
  
In conclusion, there are convincing arguments both for and against studying online, but I believe that we should take its advantages into consideration to give it a try especially in this digital era.  
  
*Thank you for all your comments. I really appreciate your help!*
Hi Giang. Welcome to EssayForum. You started reviewing for the IELTS test soon enough. We have more than ample time to work together towards the improvement of your work before you take the test next year. I am confident that with my guidance, you will find yourself scoring at least a 7.5 in no time at all. I can tell that you have the potential to reach that score, at the very least because you show a good understanding of the prompt topic, and the reasoning paragraphs are acceptable. However, there are several points for correction within this particular essay that you wrote.  
  
The first correction, comes with the opening paraphrase. I need you to understand that when you are asked to discuss both points of view and then offer your personal opinion, your prompt paraphrase should indicate that as well. Therefore, the thesis statement for his essay should have been:  
  
*My personal opinion will be formed by a discussion and consideration of the pro and con public beliefs regarding online learning.*  
  
The above statement shows an original presentation based on the discussion instructions, which forms the basis of your thesis presentation in the paraphrase.  
  
From that point, your reasoning paragraphs suffered from a lack of public identification of the given discussions. This created a totally personal point of view consideration for the opposing points of view rather than a signification of the public perception of the discussion. Public ownership of the discussion points could have been made clearer had you used the proper reference phrases such as:  
  
*Based on a common public understanding  
The public perception that  
A section of people believe  
The alternative group indicates*  
  
are but a few examples of the public ownership of the discussion that could have clarified the discussion reasoning paragraphs in your presentation.  
  
The other problem with your presentation is that your sentences are too long. Known as run-on sentences, what happens when you write these sentences is that you end up creating a string of ideas as single sentence presentation when these ideas need to be presented separately. It would help if your topic sentences were clearer from the first sentence of the presentation so that the rest of the paragraph need not be overly long. These types of sentences tend to lower your scoring potential along the GRA line so you may wan to consider that the next time you find yourself writing a very long sentence.  
  
If you want to make sure you do not write sentences that are too long, then write the reasoning paragraph in a series of 5 individual lines. If your sentence runs into a second line, it is too long and needs to be shortened. Then you compress the sentences into a single paragraph of interconnected sentences, totally avoiding the run-on sentence presentations.