dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Your thesis is too broad in the sense that you are talking about human activities in general. That makes it difficult to discuss your statement of the activity being unimaginable in terms of its effect on climate change. What you have to do is narrow down the human activity in order to zero in one a particular climate change result. An example of a narrowed down thesis for this would be:  
  
*Man produces over a million tons of unsegregated garbage per day. This unsegregated garbage fills up landfills with non-biodegradable materials. These materials have been known to have a direct effect on our climate change. One of its major effects being greenhouse gases. Over the course of the next 10 years, the human act of non-segregation of trash will result in a faster erosion of our ozone layer.*  
  
The next paragraph can cover this sample discussion:  
*Non- segregation of trash causes the permeation of hazardous gases in our atmosphere which adds to the toxins that are destroying our ozone layer. At a rate of...*  
  
The third paragraph covers:  
*Basing the erosion of the ozone layer at a rate of 10 percent every year, the mere act of trash non-segregation will result in the following dire effects for our planet...*  
  
Then you can conclude your statement in the manner you were taught by your instructor. At this point, it is the narrowing down of the discussion that is important. I have tried to provide you with examples that can guide you in doing that.
This is a story (based on an article, *The Good Duchess*, written by Jane Dismore) about a Scottish noblewoman named Anne, the 3rd Duchess of Hamilton relatives who kept preserving her legendary family's heritage called Hamilton Palace in South Lanarkshire which constructed in 1591. Well-known locally as 'Good Duchess Anne' for her generosity, she was a remarkable lady in her era that bravely made essential decision on her own. She became the head of family in the age of 19 in a tricky political time.  
  
In the beginning of Civil War in 1642, Anne obtained academic tuition and learnt estate management, including dealing with tenants, keeping accounts and supervising the chamberlains. This path then led her to acquire such expertise to maintain the palace for future generations. She initiated the renovation by hiring around 30 and 50 workers, mostly men, arranged hierarchically, with a secretary and a lawyer at the top. Since she had a great taste, the furniture was well-selected, mostly came from London, Scotland and sometimes Holland. Artwork as well as furniture was appropriately inventoried. Around 1684 to 1694, a foremost work, either for interior or exterior, called 'Great Design' was began. Three other sides of the palace were demolished and two new wings were built, while the interior was modified by a prominent carver named William Morgan. The innovative palace was accomplished around 1701 but Anne continued landscaping its grounds until her death in the age of 84.  
  
The Hamilton palace had been sold after mining subsidence was discovered before its demolition, but part of it remains in Scotland. It is now displayed in the National Museum in Edinburgh as a tribute to Anne's 300 years of death. Recently, it provides valuable information about life in a noble household.  
  
**Source**: historytoday
Hello  
You have a good summary  
I have some corrections for you  
  
**Then** this path ~~then~~ led her to acquire such **as** expertise to maintain ...  
... by hiring **most of the men** around 30 and 50 workers~~, mostly men,~~ arranged hierarchically, ...  
Since she had a great taste (*what the taste that you mean*), the furniture was ...  
~~Artwork~~**Art work**~~as well as~~**and** furniture ~~was~~**can use for** appropriately inventoried.  
... around 1701 but Anne ~~continued landscaping~~**continue the grounds landscape**~~its grounds~~ until her death ~~in~~**at** the age of 84.  
  
... had been sold ~~after~~**when** mining subsidence was discovered before ~~its~~**it is** demolition, ...  
  
Too many repetitive words, maybe it can be changed into new words,
*Some people say that the clothes people wear are the most important indication of what they area like. Others, however, say that people should not be judged by the clothes they wear.*  
  
**Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.  
  
Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.**  
  
Nowadays, people who wear clothes become more attention for surrounding environment. The clothes that they wear is represent theirself. Beside that there is person comment about their appearance.  
  
People wear clothes would reflect themselves with positive comments. For example, people who wear formal clothes when they go to the office from their house. There are several feature concern by looking at the style of dress which area wise, kind, polite and tidy also the effect is get interest with others. The physical appearance often creates the perception of the characteristics of a person, which are a picture of the personality or competency that they have. Employee wearing formal clothes as figure respected by the surroundings. Others, students who wear unformal to go to campus.  
  
On the other hand people wear unformal clothes does not mean their attitudes not good. They choose unformal clothes for a reason. For example, successful people always wear the same shirt every day because of the habit of wearing it every day. Then, they looks like just have one collection for the clothes. In addition, the main reason people always wear same clothes because they do not understand about latest fashion. The function for wearing it they can easily remembered by many people. Beside that there are people who do not know about the habit of people just directly judged them used the same clothes, moreover, in the fact the people had many collections about dresses in their house.  
  
In conclusion, I think today people have to be more careful for using dress because it will be cause a problem. If people use the clothes that do not precise with the existing situation, it will provoke of people around them. On the other hand, people should not be comment about other people clothes because they do not know about others character.
hello there..  
Let me give some correction for you. I hope my correction can help your writing..  
*people who wear clothes become more attention for surrounding environment.**( as far as i know, this is not sentence but it is just subject because there is no main verb)**that is just subject and sub verb but not main verb*  
  
People wear clothes would reflect themselves*( their own personality )* with positive comments  
  
People wear clothes would reflect themselves with positive comments .*( there is no correlation between first sentence and the second. which one show positive sentence ?* For example, people who wear formal clothes when they go to the office from their house.  
  
Employee wearing formal clothes as figure respected by the surroundings ( there is no main verb ) I give sample example sentence which shows right sentence*( people wearing modern fashion show one of their characteristic)* show = main verb  
  
I do apologize if I make mistake in mt correction..  
May be Useful...  
thank you.
Hi Andika, running through the essay as an initial review, I must say, you were able to point out both views and significantly expressed your take on the task at hand. However, for future writing reference, I would like you to focus on the minor details in writing, such as your linking verbs as well as the punctuation marks, as this are the links that can make or break your sentence and it will have an impact in the overall outcome of your essay.  
  
Having said that, I would like to suggest a few enhancements towards the last paragraph of your essay.  
  
- In conclusion, I think todays people  
- have to be more careful ~~for using dress~~in dressing up, because it ~~will be~~can cause a problem.  
- If people ~~use the~~wear clothes  
- that ~~do~~is not precise with the existing situation,  
- it will ~~provoke of~~create confusion from the people around them.  
- ~~On the other hand~~However , people should  
- ~~not be comment about other people~~be free in wearing clothes that fir and make them feel good about themselves and should not be judged with the way they dress~~because they do not know about others character~~ .  
  
There you have it Andika, I hope the above remarks and corrections help you in your revision.
Hello, here's my suggestion  
  
Beside that there is A person GIVING comment about their appearance.  
SEVERAL FEATURES CONCERNED...  
EmployeeS wearing formal clothes SHOW THEIR RESPECT TO SURROUNDINGS.  
they can BE easily remembered by many people.  
the habit of OTHERS just directly judged them USING the same clothes AGAIN  
THE FACT THAT, people haVE many collections  
they do not know about THE CHARACTERISTICS OF OTHERS.  
  
So sorry if my correction has something wrong. I hope it will help you!  
Regard!
In the present, the vast fields were gradually replaced by large urban areas crowded, and modern. But the gigantic development of urban areas also have advantages as well as disadvantages.  
  
Firstly, the material life of the people living in urban areas are better. The infrastructure of culture, education, health care are better than small village. Secondly, they have access to modern technology, so they learn many things from the world. Thirdly, better job opportunities. More and more urban development means more jobs, it created jobs for many people. While promoting economic development.  
  
Besides, there are also disadvantages such as: People focus on developing urban environment also indirectly polluted by factories, enterprise and noise. In particular, the area reserved for no more trees to create great pressure to the atmosphere, the spirit of the people in urban areas with stress due to pressure of work, no place to relax. And they know their neighbors less.  
  
In my opinion, we need a combination of urban areas with small countryside. Such moderate economic development, both material and spiritual life of the people are better.
Hello  
You have a good summary  
I have some corrections for you  
  
... gradually replaced by **the crowded** large urban areas ~~crowded~~ , ~~and modern~~ . ~~But~~**Thus** the gigantic development ...  
  
Firstly, the ~~material~~**necessities of** life ~~of the~~ people were living in urban areas are better **than in rural.****There are a several aspect such as** the infrastructure of culture, education **and** health care are better ...  
  
*Thirdly, better job opportunities*. ~~More and more~~ urban development **is growing up** means **create** more jobs, it ~~created jobs for~~**can useful** for many people. *While promoting economic development*.  
  
... disadvantages such as~~:~~ people **can** focus on developing ...  
In particular, the area **have negative aspect from decrease a number of trees is**~~reserved for no more trees~~~~to~~ create great pressure to (...) places to relax and they **have do not know about** their neighbors ~~less.~~  
  
In my opinion, *we* need a combination of ...  
~~Such~~ moderate economic development, ...  
  
You have explain more about your body 1 and 2 and conclusion clearly and totally.  
For better structure in body paragraph you can firstly paraphrasing the idea, reason, example and brief conclusion.
**Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Watching television is bad for chilren. Use specific details and examples to support your answer.**  
  
In today's society, television is an essential part of our daily life. Yet it is claimed that watching TV is harmful for our children's development. But, it is my belief that, television is a crucial tool to lead personal as well as academic success for children.  
  
From the personal point of view, television plays a vital role to broaden children's horizons. To be more specific, Children know outside even they do not exit from home such as they can obtain information about wild life. Another important benefit is that Children can acknowledge about our environment and about the importance of preserving wild life through watching TV. For instance, many research studies have shown that children who watch TV are less violent to animals. This example makes it clear that Tv makes children more kindly.  
  
From the academic side, television offer programs which children can learn alphabet, numbers and also they can recognise colours. It implies that children can easy obtain new knowledge when they study at school. For example, my little brother watch cognitive programs about learning English. Yet, he does not study at school, however he can speak English. It is true that he can not speak as native speaker but he tries. He was interested in English through watching TV. It is evident from this example that Tv encourage children to learning.  
  
By way of conclusion, Tv extend children's' outlook and It is also useful to learing. I believe that Tv will bring lots of benefits in the future than more nowadays.
Abdullah, your thought process is very good. You show a clear understanding of the prompt and you are able to defend your stand on the issue even though you are using broken English to do so. That sort of clarity of thought can help you gain an improved IELTS task 2 score. You need to concentrate on developing your written English skills though. Think carefully about the words you want to use and make sure to proof read your work before submission.  
  
Don't forget that you are also scored on punctuation and knowledge of English grammar rules. For example, in the middle of one of your sentences, you wrote the word Children with the first word capitalized. Since this word was located within a given sentence, the word should not be capitalized. Only the first word of the start of every sentence, as well as proper nouns are capitalized within a sentence. You also need to lengthen your concluding sentences in order to gain a proper score for that part of the essay. It is too short. Always aim for at least 3 sentences minimum.
hai medi  
  
*In today's society*, ----> I think common to use 'nowadays' or 'these days'  
  
... that watching TV is ~~harmful for~~collocation mistake harmful to or of  
  
But, it is my belief that~~,~~ television is a crucial tool ...  
  
... broaden children's horizon~~s~~(plural) .  
  
... which children can learn the alphabet, numbers ...  
  
... children can easy to obtain new knowledge ...  
  
... can not speak as a native speaker, but (before but using a comma) he tries.  
  
By way of conclusion, ~~Tv~~television extends children's' outlook and It is also useful to learning .  
  
I believe that television will bring ~~lots~~(a lot) try to use formal word of benefits in the ...  
  
thanks
I'm an English learning beginner so please help me correct it! I need as many correction as possible to improve my skill. Thanks for your help!  
  
Modern forms of communication such as email and messaging have reduced the amount of time people spend seeing their friends. This has had a negative effect on their social lives.  
  
Going with the development of information technology, electronic message and email become very popular and play an important role in the way people communicate with their friends. However, it is not the reason for the modification of our social lives in the unwanted sides. Even they are better in some circumstances.  
  
Long time ago, people mostly communicated by letters or calling. There were not many changes for them to come and see each other because of not only the distance impediment but also not much free time. Because of those things, sometimes people did not have any opportunities to stay with their relatives and friends. And their relationships are worse as a result.  
  
Nowadays, by using social website, we easily contact with our friends even on around the world after few seconds and instantaneous messaging without going out of our rooms. That leads to the closer relationship between people. For example, in my case, I usually free at nearly midnight after studying time and I do not have my parents' permission to hang out with my friends at that time so email and messaging help me a lot in chatting with my friends through computer without going outside. It is very interesting that I am still in my room but I can talk with them, share my opinions and know what they are doing. On the other hand, in the past, there were not many changes for me to communicate with my friends even in several months no talking.  
  
I think we should not blame modern forms of communication for reducing the people's meeting time. Actually, it increases the opportunities for people to see each other by going outside for doing some activities, picnic or camping by this chances people will have occasions to make friends through their friends.  
  
Overall, I totally disagree with modern modes of communication causes bad effects to human relationship and I strongly believe that in near future social network will bring everybody on around the world stay together.
Hello  
You have a good summary  
I have some corrections for you  
  
... social website, *we* easily contact with our friends even ~~on~~ in around the world ~~after few seconds~~**as fast as people can** and instantaneous messaging ...  
~~That leads to the closer relationship between people~~**The relationship of people is getting closer**.  
... I usually ~~free~~**have a time** at nearly midnight after studying ~~time~~ and I do not have **to ask permission for my parents**~~my parents' permission~~ to hang out with my ...  
  
..., share my opinions and know what *they* are doing.  
... were not many changes for *me* to communicate (...) several months ~~no talking~~**that do not have a contact.**  
  
I think *we* should not blame to ...  
  
... around the world stay togethe**r.**  
  
For better structure in body paragraph you can firstly paraphrasing the idea, reason, example and brief conclusion.  
  
It is better not using 'we, you' in writting essay or summary.
Nowadays, with the development of computers, people have invented a lot of modern technologies. When the computer was born, people used it to make their work more efficient. However, besides various benefits, computers have caused unemployment and many other problems.  
  
First of all, most handicraft villages are fading because of the mass production technology. The traditional manufacturing takes more time, needs more employees and the design is not varied. In industrial production, more and more computers work on behalf of humans, as it has high accuracy and productivity. Moreover, the army is also studying to create weapons controlled via computers, such as pilotless aircraft, radar, or rocket... people have explored the universe by satellite. So, the computer is very important, the more developed society, the more helpful computers are.  
  
However, in my view, there are many problems. Initially, because computers do all so people should be unemployed. The companies apply computer technology, it oporates mạhines, checks products, and does all of the production stages, workers will be fired to decrease the costs. Also, the products of mass production are not featured and specific. Only the special meticulous man can create unique products. After that, another problem is health issues. People who use computers a lot may get a lot of different diseases, like myopia, backache, or loss of memory...  
  
All in all, I think the computers bring for us many advantages, in the globalization era, without computers, people can not thrive and develop strongly. But, on the other hand, computers have affected many people, it raises too many questions to be answered. How we do to solve the problems caused by computer ?
Nowadays, ~~with the development of computers, people have invented a lot of modern technologies~~(confusing sentence do you mean developing computers give easily access to people inventing more new technologies) .  
  
~~When the computer was born,~~since the computer invented, people used it to make their work more efficient ( plural -> efficients) . However, ~~besides various benefits,~~computers have caused unemployment and many other problems.(CONFUSING SENTENCE)  
  
above are several mistakes in your wariting, it can be seen that you should revise your writing...  
keep fight :)
Hi Tram, upon reviewing your essay, there is no doubt that you understand and know what the essay is asking you to write about, however, this did not seem to transpire very well in the essay. Reason for this observation is because, as I was reading the essay, I got confused with the sentences you associated in the essay and to give you a more elaborate explanation on that, please find a few corrections below;  
  
- However, in my view, there are many problems. many problems? like what? though the subject is established already, it won't hurt if you take it into account in this part of the essay.  
  
- Initially, ~~because~~ computers do all the things that~~so~~ people should and can do, therefore, they end up be unemployed.  
- workers ~~will be~~get fired  
- ~~to decrease~~with the hopes of decreasing the costs of manpower .  
- Also, ~~the~~mass produce products  
- ~~of mass production~~ are not featured and specific to the customers liking .  
- ~~After that, a~~A nother problem is health issues. - People who use computers a lot may ~~get~~acquire - or loss of memory~~...~~among others.  
  
There you have it Tram, as you can see, with the corrections, the idea is now complete, there is a huge difference of the thought of the sentences, its clarity and its meaning is now more comprehensible.
hi qtraam ^,^  
i have feedback for you and i hope it helps  
  
>>> introduction (paraphrase your essay question not copy paste or just changing type of words :))))  
>>>in your thesis statement please write clearly (what is many other problems you mean by)  
~~Nowadays, with the development of computers, [...] used it to make their work more efficient~~ . it is witnessed that advance technologies affected human working and routines today than bygone.~~However, besides~~Although this invention brings some benefits for human activities, it will also give drawbacks(write thesis statement here) computers have caused unemployment andmany other problems.  
  
All in all, ~~I think~~ the computers bring ~~for us~~ many ~~advantages~~positive impacts to human life , in ~~the globalization~~this modern era, ~~without computers,~~ people can not thrive and develop strongly without cutting-edge technology like computer . ~~But,~~ ...