dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Muhammad, when you write the outline summary of the discussion in the opening paragraph, make sure that you provide all necessary information from the images. Since there is a graph and a chart presented, each with specific information, that information should have been presented as part of your discussion outline. It should not be confusingly included in the body paragraphs. First state the complete information that you will be presenting so that people will know why it is relevant in the body of the essay. Since this is an academic essay, you are not supposed to use terms like "Catch a glimpse." That is informal wording. Instead say "Compare two images representing..."  
  
It would be best if your were consistent in your writing of the paragraphs. Like I keep saying, a better TA and GRA score can be achieved if you properly develop each paragraph with 3-5 sentences in each. This is a more accurate way of determining your complex writing ability and English comprehension skills, along with your lexical resources, provided you write within the required sentences and paragraphs mandate. Your paragraphs vary in length and since it is mostly short of the required number, then your final score may be affected.  
  
Your essay presentation is still a bit rough and can use improvement overall. You should get better over time. This is not something that happens overnight. So just keep practicing and we will keep reviewing your work for positive developments and points for improvement. For this essay though, I believe that you could be scored up to a 5 for this type of writing analysis.
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Please give me advices and score  
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## the percentage of Britons listening radio or watching tv

  
  
The line graph of radio and television audiences in UK compares the trend of both in a whole day over the period between October and December 1992. The trend is percentage of people over age of 4 years.  
  
It is obviously clear that most of Britons were watching TV at around 8.00, while from 18.00 to 21.00 majority were listening radio.  
  
Accounting for around 7% at start of day, the percentage of Britons who watched TV remained the same, and at 11.00 it grew for 10 hours to about 16%. The trend reached a peak at night 20.00. At the midnight, number of audiences dramatically dropped. In contrast, although the percentage of radio audiences also remained the same but in lower percentage --just under 4%-- until 6.00, it sharply climbed to next 2 hours and stood at almost 26% which was a peak of trend of radio. Following that, the percentage declined until midnight, regardless on the evening it still been able to inclined at around 4%.  
  
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Muhammad, while you did write more than the 150 word requirement of the essay, you did not effectively portray all of the information in the essay. You must also remember that this type of essay must be presented in a full 3 - 5 paragraph format. The most acceptable number of paragraphs is usually 4. All composed of 3-5 sentences each. The sentence requirement is to help you develop your grammar accuracy and presentation, which is a vital part of the scoring process.  
  
You were able to accurately represent the visual representations in the graph, but you did not do an analysis of the graph. How did I know that you did not do a visual analysis? There were certain points during the day, at 6.00 and 13.00 when the viewership of television and the listening audience of the radio overlapped. This means that during these times, the audience share of the two mediums were shared or equal in number.  
  
References to small, but important information like that indicate that you took the time to truly develop the content of your analysis. That means that your summary analysis and report is far more accurate and informative than the others that are presented for scoring. This will result in a higher consideration score for your essay in the end.
well done, but you fail to cover what is being asked in IELTS writing criteria. For further information, then you can download and read IELTS band descriptor writing task 1. A good paragraph consists at least three sentences in a row. This is what most IELTS students do when they develop their paragraphs as to reach a score higher in coherence and cohesion. You need to rewrite these parts: " The line graph of radio and television..." and "It is obviously clear that most of Britons...". Also, you are being recommended presenting an overview, meaning that the description of general trends. As you did not have any of that, then your score for Task Achievement is hovering around **a 5**. When it comes to Grammatical and accuracy, you need to pay particular attention to the basic one, such as tenses in use, run-on sentences, sentence fragment and punctuation. If you cannot even control these, it will cost you a lot.
The following topic is from one website which is for practicing IELTS writtings  
**Many people believe that formal "pen and paper" examinations are not the best method of assessing educational achievement.  
Discuss this view and give your own opinion.**  
  
## exams and performance evaluation at school

  
  
Everyone knows that most of examinations for certificates or tests in school are all done by pen and papers. However, I side with the view that to carry out the examinations which focus on professional practices is more important.  
  
Educational achievement is an essential step for the way to a workplace, so some tests is a proof of the experience in school and can show how much efforts you did for studying. Furthermore, the purpose of examinations in school is to make students acquire what they learn. Pen and paper examinations can not completely work it for the effect of learning because it is better to solve some solutions by actions and practices, not merely get the view or concept of knowledge. Learning needs doing by yourself, so that you can really get it.  
  
While others are against of my view, contending that only pen and paper examinations can evaluate the capabilities of students for specific tasks or subjects. It is evident that the scores show the degree and level of examinees and that's their ability. It is true that the more scores you get, the more your level is. However, scores can lie sometimes. Answers can be filled in by guessing, cribbing or any improper ways. Only practices and applications can really show examinees know about solutions and how well they can do.  
  
Overall, I firmly conceive that pen and paper examination is not the best approach to assess educational achievement.
Mia in your opening statement, the paraphrase is incomplete. It does not include a reference to the point of view regarding the pen and paper exams. You only have 2 sentences when the minimum requirement is 3 sentences. This indicates a missing element in your paraphrasing. Let me give you a sample of a proper paraphrase for this topic. The sample I will give you is the template by which you should develop your essay discussions from this point on. Regardless of the topic, these elements need to be represented:  
  
*There is a common belief that the formal "pen and paper" exam does not accurately assess the educational attainment of a student. In this essay, I will be offering an insight into this point of view. Additionally, I will be offering my own opinion regarding this topic.*  
  
The opening statement has to accomplish 3 things. It has to indicate:  
1. What is the topic for discussion?  
2. Why is this topic important to discuss?  
3. How will it be discussed?  
  
The example above shows a properly developed paraphrased opening statement that clearly offers this insight in summarized form. No opinion must be given at the start because the justification for it requires a separate discussion. Thus, no opinions or direct answers are ever given in the paraphrased statement. However, an implied response is allowed.  
  
Your second paragraph is so confusing, that it will affect your GRA score in a highly negative manner. Try to express yourself in short, simple sentences for now. Even though your third paragraph is a bit more understandable, the confusing discussion in the second paragraph is what will affect the overall lexical resource, coherence and cohesiveness, and GRA score in this essay and not in a positive manner.  
  
The concluding statement does not properly wrap up the discussion. Again, the 3 sentence minimum requirement must be followed. It must represent:  
1. The topic for discussion  
2. The reasons discussed  
3. A restatement of your personal opinion as the closing sentence.
*Compare the advantages and disadvantages of three of the following as Media for communicating information. State which you consider to be the most effective.  
-Comics  
-Books  
-Radio  
-Television  
-Film  
-Theatre  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  
Write at least 250 words.*  
  
## the most effective media types

  
  
Television, comic and film are three common channels to convey information to the general public. Among them, movie is the most effective tool to communicate information. The advantages and disadvantages of the three media are illustrated in the following paragraphs.  
  
Each of the three aforementioned media has their own merits. Television's coverage is the widest among them. It is a free access to information as well as a traditional way for audience to receive news, especially the elderly's generation. Comic, which is a comparatively simple method to communicate information, usually contains a few blocks of picture. The delicacy of comic is that authors convey the subtle message with a few simple drawings which are easy to understand. In contrast, film is also very popular because people like story. The messages can be instilled into audience's minds with a series of scenes subconsciously.  
  
A coin has two sides. There are some constraints for these media. Although television has been the most successful medium in the past decade, its influence is declining due to people's prior preference of the Internet and wireless network which are more convenient than conventional television. The popularity of comic is limited by the amount of content. Owing to the length of ordinary comic, it can be funny and easy to understand but not affluent in content. Notwithstanding the attractiveness of casts and scenarios of film, the cost of seeing a movie is comparatively high among the three channels. Therefore, it may not be an available choice of media for people who are sensitive to price.  
  
In conclusion, film is the best way to distribute information as it is rich in content and attractive to the general public. (280 words)
Peter, your discussion has so many problems that I do not know where to begin. All of the problems your essay has connect to the fact that you are not discussing the essays in the proper one paragraph per topic manner. As this is a 5 paragraph essay, the format should have been as follows:  
  
1. Paraphrase  
2. First media discussion  
3. Second Media Discussion  
4. Third Media discussion / the most effective media discussion  
5. Concluding paragraph  
  
You must also be aware that when you type the words, you need to spell it out properly otherwise you end up spelling a totally different word by definition. A "comic" means to "causing or meant to cause laughter." or is a "a comedian, especially a professional one.". While "comics" refer to comic strips. While a "comic" may also refer to a comic strip, the keyword used in the essay has the "s" at the end. Therefore, you should have typed it as such. Always spell the words and make sure that your keywords are referred to properly as presented in the original.  
  
Make sure that you never present your opinion or give a direct answer to the prompt in the paraphrasing because that is a violation of the writing rules for this test. The first paragraph should only summarize the original prompt. A sample format for the writing of this topic is as follows:  
  
*In this essay, I will be discussing the advantages and disadvantages of 3 forms of media in relation to information communication. The presentation will be based on the least effective to the most effective form. I will be supporting my choices with relevant examples from my personal experience or popular information.  
  
My first choice is television for the following reasons.... However, the disadvantage of television is....  
My second choice...  
My preferred choice as the most effective media for communication is... To me, this is the most effective form even though it has disadvantages such as ... These do not affect its effectiveness as a communication tool.  
  
In the end, all 3 have their advantages and disadvantages...*  
  
The work that you did on this essay is not very good. It did not properly assess and represent the required discussion and you would not have gotten a very good score for this kind of work. I hope to see improvements to your work in the next essays. Take my suggestions into consideration with your next writing piece.
## gap of communication between generations

  
  
Young people in the modern world seem to have more power and influence than any previous young generation. Why is this the case ? What impact does this have on the relationship between old and young people ? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.  
  
In this vast growing world, the adult people look like more strength and influence than young generations in the past. I will discuss the case and the effect on relationship between young adult and elder people.  
  
In a different parts of the world, the people who are born in this so called modern era are more likely to know many things faster than the people who born in a few decades ago, due to the fact that right now there are so many technologies which can provide information and data, or many devices which can help their everday life. In this case for example, at very young age, children when they want to play, are often been introduced to a gadget like a phone tablet, which is just after few times using that device, then they are be able to use them properly. Furthermore in another case,there is a 5 yrs old child is often search some explanation on the internet if he see or hear something from his parent, that will make them having more knowledge than a child on the few decades ago.  
  
The children who grow up with that often show more power and knowledge when they talk, the impact are when they face a situation which they have to confronted elderly people. When they use many popular languages when talk, the old people who may not understand to this new develop language often get some confusion and may lead to missunderstanding.  
  
In conclusion, if this kind of situation will continue, there might be some long connection gap of communication between young and old generation in the future.  
  
Please give me advices and IELTS score prediction
Perdana, I will be lenient here and score this a 5 based on the new IELTS Task 2 Scoring system. In the old system, this would have scored a 4. The reason that your score is not so high is because you have a problem expressing yourself coherently in English. It is tremendously difficult to keep track of what you are trying to say and you have grammatical and punctuation errors, such as the lack of full stops and the existence of run - on sentences, that severely affected the message of your essay. As such, I was left with no recourse but to mark you down for those errors crossing the 4 scoring considerations.  
  
More importantly, you made a severe mistake in the opening paraphrase which led me to realize that you have an understanding of the English language but have poor sentence development skills. Compare what you wrote in the prompt paraphrase to what I have written here, which is the correct version:  
  
*Young people today are perceived to have more power and influence these days than the older generations. While little is understood about why this happens, I will attempt to give an explanation for it in this essay. Additionally, I will analyze what sort of effect such a trend has on the relationship of the young and old generations existing in today's world.*  
  
In your version of the paraphrase, you said the older generation has more influence than the young, which is a reversal of what the original prompt provided. Hence, the mark down in your task accuracy score for that section. However, I considered the rest of the essay and saw that your discussion related to the original prompt so I decided to score it accordingly instead.
***Prompt: These days many of us prefer to throw damaged things away, whereas in the past people used to repair damaged items and keep them for a long time. Explain why you think this change has happened. What are the effects of this change in attitude?***  
  
## the trend of buying new things instead of repairing old ones

  
  
In current days, when something is broken, most people simply throw it away and buy a new one. Decades ago, however, it would be fixed and used for a longer time. There are various reasons for this change, and it seems to me that the effects are largely negative.  
  
In my opinion, this phenomenon is caused by economic and social changes. Firstly, the increase in disposable income over the years has enabled individuals to afford new commodity. Meanwhile, the prices of goods have been dramatically reduced, thanks to scale production and cheaper man-made material such as plastics and nylon. With the availability of relatively inexpensive products, less people would bother to wait for hours or even days to have things repaired, especially in the modern society where the pace of living is incredibly fast.  
  
This change in attitude has produced harmful consequences. On the one hand, a huge amount of waste is generated every day, with a large portion that cannot be reused or recycled. Some of them go to the landfills while others are burnt away, causing soil and air contamination. On the other hand, factories are producing new products at their full capacity to feed the growing need, depleting scarce resources. Waste pollution and resource exploitation might eventually lead us to a deadly environmental crisis.  
  
In summary, it is true that instead of using the repaired old item, most people would rather replace it with a new one. It is determined by economic and social changes, and its threatening effect on the environment should warrant concern.  
  
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Thanks for your correction!
Zhiyuan, had you not made a mistake in the paraphrasing presentation of this essay, I would scored you a 7 for it. However, you did not do too bad as the overall score for your work could gain you a maximum score of 6. Remember how I keep telling you and the others never to present your opinion in the opening statement because it cannot be fully discussed there? Well, you made that mistake in this essay, again. That is the reason for the mark down in the TA portion. Your conclusion is good, acceptable, but still short of the 3 sentence requirement. Practice using full stops (periods) in your presentations instead of commas. That will automatically fix that problem. The problem now remains in the way that you present your paraphrasing. Please work on improving that. I believe that once you become conscious of that mistake and work towards never repeating it, you could score as high as a 7 or more in the essay practice tests.
***Prompt: In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by international fast foods. This is having a negative effect on both families and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?***  
  
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## harmful services of fast food giants such as McDonald and Subway

  
  
In the last decade, fast food giants such as McDonald's and Subway have started their invasion to an increasing number of cities and towns. While hamburgers and chips become a frequent choice for modern citizens, I firmly hold the opinion that the damaging effect of international fast food on individuals and society on the whole cannot be overlooked.  
  
It is claimed that fast food undermines people's well-being by overlooking nutrition values. To produce a flavor that raises customers' appetites, the restaurants usually use a shocking amount of salt, oil and sugar, which might encourage diseases such as diabetes or obesity. What is worse, there have been breaking news exposed over the years saying the meat of fried chicken wings comes from genetically modified monsters that have six wings and eight legs. Whether it is true or not, the credibility of food resource in some restaurants is very limited.  
  
Moreover, the spreading of international fast food makes cultural diversities fade away. The emergence of local food is due to the geographical traits of that place and the dietary habits of residents. Therefore, it symbolizes the culture and traditions to a large extent. If one day, sushi and spaghetti were all replaced by hamburgers and hot dogs, people would regret about the gross loss of cultural identities.  
  
The time-saving fast food, however, might be more suitable to the high-paced modern society. The streamline-prepared food can be served to the customers in less than one minutes. In addition, the dining time also shrinks since people can finish their meal while walking or working.  
  
To sum up, even though fast food saves a lot of time for modern citizens, their harmful influence on nutrition values and cultural conservation cannot be ignored. While the trend of frequenting fast food restaurants seems inevitable, traditional food should at least have a place on the dining table.  
  
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Thanks for the correction!