dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Agustina, what test did you write this essay for? Next time you write a practice test, please provide the name of the test you are practicing for and the full prompt that you are responding to, including its instructions. The general review for your essay is not good. There are too many problems with your presentation that needs to be addressed.  
  
For starters, you neglected to proof read your essay for grammar appropriateness and spelling. That said, your essay is filled with lower case letters starting off your sentences. The rule of thumb is that the first word of every sentence in English must be capitalized in order to indicate the start of a sentence. You failed to do that in this essay all throughout. You were inconsistent in your use of the first capitalized word so you will definitely receive penalties for that in your final score.  
  
Next, keep in mind that you are also scored on the accuracy of your spelling in the essay. So you have to proof read your work and make sure that not a single word is misspelled otherwise, it is another set of markdowns in your final score. This essay's most grave spelling error was "storke" instead of "stroke". Show that you care for your essay by making sure you accurately spell the words. Never mind the grammar inaccuracies. Provided your sentence makes sense to the reader, you will be forgiven for most mistakes in grammar since you are not a native speaker of English.  
  
Your opening statement should have had a thesis statement, but I did not see any indicated. That means that you have not properly restated the prompt topic for discussion and the instructions you were given. Therefore, a severe markdown, that could even garner your whole essay a failing score could be delivered to your essay in the end.
## the most frequent movie attenders in Great Britain

  
  
The line graph describes movie goers by age group in Great Britain from 1984 to 2000. Unit is measured in percentage. Overall, there was an increasing trend across the four age group over the 17 year period. The age group of 15-24 has the highest attendance while 35 and higher age group has the least.  
  
Initially, in 1984, the age group of 15-24 movie watchers has the highest attendance, registered at approximately 15%. The trend continued for the next 5 years, however, in 1989, there was a minor decreased before peaking again,recorded at 50% by year 1994. After 5 years, in 1999, it reached its highest peaked just below 60% before falling by the end of 2000.  
  
The age group of 7-14 and 25-35 has similar figures, in 1984(10% and around 5% respectively). At the beginning of 1989, both age group experienced fluctuations across the 5 year period. In comparison, by the year 1994, both theater attendees in both age group 7-14 and 25-35 experienced a slight declined before increasing again. The trend continued until the end of 2000 where both age group has the same figure at approximately 32%.  
  
The least of the age group, 35 and above, recorded at around 2% in 1984. There was a steady rise across the 10 year period at around 3% increased by 1994. The trend continued with little changes in between before it peaked by 2000, just above 10%.  
  
To sum up, movie goers is most popular at age group15-24 while the least popular tends to be on age group 35 and above.
Kristoffer, you must be doing something wrong when you upload the image because it is not showing up in the post. You just have to click on the attach image link in the upper portion of the text box and then choose your image for uploading. I really don't understand why you are not (successfully) attaching the image. It makes it very difficult to review your essay. I will say this though, your essay sounds like it is very informative, provided the facts and figures you are sharing are properly taken from the image you were provided with. Your presentation has improved over the first essay you wrote but still has a problem with proper paragraph presentation. Practice using full stops, with a period, instead of a comma. Stating a fact in one sentence will get you better points then stating connected ideas in one sentence. It will also help you meet the sentence requirement per paragraph. Again, writing more than 150 words is most effective when you use it to increase your lexical resource and grammar accuracy scores. Your concluding paragraph at the end of the essay should have either been longer to meet the sentence requirement and increase your score overall or, included in the previous paragraph since it is only a single sentence. A Task 1 test does not always need a concluding sentence because there is no opinion to be given or topic to be restated. The conclusion is a normal part of the task 2 test instead.
## Modes of Transport in UK

  
  
The line graph illustrates the amount of goods transported in the UK by four kinds of transportation from 1974 to 2002. Unit is measured in million tonnes.  
  
Overall, an increasing trend can be clearly seen across the 28 year period. Road was the most popular among the four different types of transportation while pipeline is the least used.  
  
In 1974, the highest mode of transported goods was carried through road, at approximately 70 million tonnes. This was followed by rail and water, 40 and around 38 million tonnes respectively. In comparison, road continued its upwards trend with a slight declined in between year 1978 and 1982 before reaching its peak by the end of 2002.  
  
On the other hand, while rail usage declined, reaching its lowest, just above 20 million tonnes, water utilization has increased steadily across 13 years before decreasing shortly after 1998, at around 45 million tonnes before increasing just above 60 million tonnes By 2002. At around 5 million tonnes was used to carry good through pipeline, although, there was an increased across the 28 year period it was still the least popular, registering its highest just above 20 million tonnes by 2002.  
  
Please check my work, any suggestion, comments will be highly appreciated. I need to practice because I will take my exam next month.
Kristofffer, since you did not provide the image that you analyzed, which is a required part of the IELTS task 1 presentation in this forum, I will not be able to offer you a score for your essay. All I can do for you at this point is point out your mistakes and comment on possible improvements. Since I will not have access to the provided graph, I will not be able to judge the accuracy of your work based upon the information you were provided for the summary.  
  
First of all, writing more than 150 words is always good for your essay. However, if the 150 plus words are not presented in the proper format, then you will lose points under the Task Accuracy and Grammar Range brackets. Always create a paragraph of at least 3 sentences long, maximum of 5. The paragraph number itself should be no less than 3 and no more than 5 in order to allow the reviewer to gain a better idea regarding your English language abilities in relation to your lexical resources, cohesiveness and coherence, and other considerations. So the format you used for the essay would be marked down, even if it is informative and based upon the image you were presented for summarizing.  
  
Your first and second paragraphs could have been combined into one paragraph in order to create an accurate summary overview. In terms of format responsiveness, the second paragraph is underdeveloped in discussion. That is the main opinion for that paragraph since it is under the 3 sentence minimum requirement. Only the final paragraph of your essay was written in accordance with the format expectations.  
  
I can't help but feel that you just summarized the obvious information and did not go for a more analytical approach to the writing. I can sense that in the way that the presentation is mechanical in delivery. If you had provided the graph, I would have been able to give you proper advice regarding the improvement of your mechanical tone. I can probably do that in your next essay for this task, provided you remember to upload the image along with your essay.
**In the past, most people lived in small villages where everyone knew everyone else. Nowadays, most people live in large cities where they only know a few people in their area.  
  
What do you think were the advantages and disadvantages of living in a small community?**  
  
## human different living area

  
  
These days, people tend to live in big crowded cities where they have less connection with others. In the past, there were both positive and negative sides of living in small areas  
  
In my opinion, there were three main benefits. First and foremost, people help each other whenever they have difficulties. In some cases, arguments among members of a family are reconciled by their neighbors. Also, people find it comfortable to share and talk about funny things together. They can organize a meeting at weekends to discuss general problems of the area and how to deal with them. Second, fewer people may cause less crime and environmental pollution. As a result, it's easier to take over and manage a small village.  
  
However, I think living in little town has its own disadvantages. One of those is unpleasant feeling as people know each other quite well, which leads to leaking of private information. Sometimes, people find it inconvenient if their neighbors show too much interest in their family's problems.  
  
I believe the advantages of staying in a small community are over the disadvantages. Troublesome matters that affect people's private life are minor. Meanwhile, it's great to support each other in community so they can equally develop. People are always surrounded by good friends and neighbors so they never feel lonely.
Hoang, this essay can only score a 3 because of specific, severe problems with your essay. For starters, your opening statement is not only short of the minimum 3 sentence requirement, but it doesn't accurately restate the prompt at all. The prompt asks you to discuss the advantages and disadvantages of living in a small community. Your discussion however related to past negative and positive sides of living in small areas. Review the prompt requirement again and you will realize that you did not represent the prompt properly. What you decided to discuss, were the past reasons that created a positive and negative side to living in small areas. This is a prompt deviation because the prompt itself did not make any time distinction to make you discuss "past" ideas. Therefore, the discussion should be made regarding present time considerations. While your discussion was somewhat good, it suffered from under developed discussions in a few instances. Specifically in paragraph 3. The conclusion even worsened the problem because you decided to offer an opinion regarding the advantage and disadvantage of living in a small community. Since your opinion is not called for anywhere in the original instructions, you should not have presented it anywhere in the essay. This presentation made the conclusion flawed because you presented a new topic for discussion rather than simply concluding the essay in the expected summary method. It is because of these observations that I believe you cannot get a passing grade with this essay.
***Hi Hoang**, I have read your writing and found plenty of problems here. Please, you meet my notes and deal with them.  
The biggest problem you face is to meet the essential requirement. This essay would get a lower score because it consisted of less than 250 words. If you can do it in the real test of IELTS, an examiner will be able to give you a penalty. Thus, you have to pay attention to this requirement. Following this, your thesis statement is no clear in the first paragraph. You are supposed to describe briefly what you would in the body paragraphs. That can help reviewers to get a general description.It is a good way to guide the reviewers to understanding this essay. It is sufficient to write a short sentence.  
  
For your body paragraph, as I am concerned, you tended to list your idea. This is an essay so that you should explain systematically. Unfortunately, you mentioned that you are gonna review three benefits, but you only show two advantages. Please, you don't confess the reviewers about the beginning information in each paragraph. After that, you did not elucidate the negative effects as well. Your supporting sentences in two body paragraph are less strong. For grammar, avoid using a contraction in the formal writing and deliver proper linking words to create the good flow in this essay.  
  
Hopefully, those can help you for finalizing this.*
@Hoang Linh  
Hi Hoang Linh,  
In writing your essay for part 2 of the IELTS exam you need to organize your work. For the introduction, you can re-write the topic statement in your own words and then add your answer to the question being ask. You also need to watch for your grammar, *there were benefits* it should be *there are benefits*. In writing a formal essay, I can suggest you need to follow a certain flow.  
  
Introduction  
Body paragraph A  
Body paragraph B  
Conclusion  
  
I hope this will help you in your future work. Good luck!
**The best way to solve the problem of traffic is to force people to pay tolls when driving in busy roads.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement**  
  
## toll charge to reduce traffic

  
  
Traffic congestion has become a major problem in many megacities throughout the world. While some people argue that charging drivers who drive in busy areas is the best solution, I believe there are more practical approaches to mitigate traffic in heavily used roads.  
  
There are various reasons that indicate why setting up a tollbooth on busy highways is not a proper method for dealing with traffic. Firstly, construction of toll stands on highways further aggravates the traffic since cars have to stop and pay money which causes traffic and road blockage on its own. Secondly, in numerous studies, it has been proven that cars produce more exhaust fumes when they stop and start moving again. This is the exact case when they reach tollbooths and therefore, they are polluting the air even further. Finally, infrastructure and buildings that are needed for charging drivers on roads, demands huge sums of public budget that could be spent on more urgent issues like maintaining and standardization of highways.  
  
In many developed countries, governments are using traffic prevention policies that are far more functional than charging money. As with any other social issue, education plays a significant role in discouraging people from using private cars, and thus lowering traffic and its related issues. Teaching school children about benefits of public transport, producing television programs that informs society regarding consequences of traffic congestion are examples of policies that governments could follow to reduce traffic. Apart from education, city officials should constantly work on providing state of the art and standard transport systems like monorails and high-speed underground trains, particularly in dense city streets. Therefore, not only public official should educate people, they should also put their focus on implementing modern and more advanced public transport facilities.  
  
In conclusion, I believe pressuring individuals to pay money for traveling on busy roads is not a practicable solution for traffic congestion and the focus of public officials should be on more creative and preventive approaches.
Adib, I think that you can receive an overall score of 3 with this essay. The main weak point that I can see with your writing is that your opening statement does not properly respond to the task provided. You made it clear that you would be suggesting alternative solutions to the traffic congestion problem rather than presenting reasons as to why you disagree with the statement. In fact, you did not even signify that you disagreed with the statement at the end of the first paragraph, where your opinion was expected to be presented. Due to the mistake in your thesis statement presentation, you did not manage to properly address the prompt instruction which clearly stated that you were to simply defend why you were in agreement or disagreement with the topic statement. As such, you have shown a failure to address the task due to a prompt misunderstanding. This serious error in your presentation is what led to the failing score of your essay.
*Dear instructor, Please help me look at this one I wrote and checked. Much appreciated! -- Sheryl*  
  
**Task 1 "Percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world"**  
  
## the analysis of water usage in the world

  
  
The charts give us information on water use in six regions of the world. It seems obvious that developed areas differ from developing ones in terms of the way that the largest amount of water is used.  
  
In the developed areas of North America and Europe, industrial uses takes up 48% and 53% respectively. By contrast, developing areas, such as Central Asia and South East Asia, allocate much less water(from 5% to 12%) for industrial purpose.  
  
With no more than 20% (10%, considering 3 out of the 4 developing regions) of water distributed to households, developing regions have most of their water resources used for agriculture. The percentage goes up to 88% in Central Asia, while the proportion in South East Asia, though lower than the other two developing regions, still contributes to 81% of total use.  
  
So as we can see, water use among areas depend largely on their structure and conditions of economy. The difference can be extremely significant comparing industrialized and under-development states.
Sheryl, please do not expect me to rate your essay based on the band score because you did not provide the chart illustration for me to use in comparing your work with the provided information. I want to be fair to you and judge the essay based upon the provided parameters. I can tell you though that your essay suffers from a lack of thought development because you have some paragraphs that are extremely short in presentation and as such, does not really offer a fully developed analysis or argument for the information you are providing. You need to use at least 3 sentences per paragraph. Additionally, you should not present the information enclosed in parenthesis because these are not additional information that you are providing, but actual information based upon the prompt you were provided with. It is because of these parenthetical presentations that your essay suffers in the cohesiveness and coherence, as well as grammatical accuracy portion of the band score. All your paragraphs do not meet the minimum requirement and therefore, cannot be considered fully developed. While some ideas are presented in the 2 sentences, there is no definitive reason for the reader to believe the information you are providing. That only comes from the direct, instead of parenthetical, presentation of the information in the original chart. I can sense some analytical presentations in the essay though. That tells me that you studied the graph somehow. I cannot tell how effective you analysis is though, because you failed to include the illustration with the original posting. So these problems would have lowered your score in a major way. I just can't be specific about the score because of the lack of illustrated information for me to consider.
*Governments should offer a free university education to any student who has been admitted to a university but who cannot afford the tuition.*  
  
## Tuition-Free Education for All Students

  
  
**Write a response in which you discuss your views on the policy and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy and explain how these consequences shape your position.**  
  
My response:  
  
This topic raises the controversial issue of whether a free university education should be offered to admitted students who cannot pay tuition. Indisputably, it is the main responsibility of the government to provide a university educational system for all individuals in the society. they have to get equal chances in this system. Nevertheless, a free education system can't be free for all admitted students in all cases even those who can't afford tution. Thus I disagree with the statement that all students who can't afford tuition should all have free university education and would argue that this free university education should be given under certain conditions.  
  
First of all, it is the right of everyone to get his chance in completing his education after high school. I would like to point out that the government funding is for all those people may be not enough. to illustrate let us look at the example of governmental funding of $ 100,000 for those students and each student expense is $ 10,000 for his university education. in this circumstance, obviously that funding can be given only for 10 students who can't afford tuition not to all of them. Consequently, it is pretty obvious that free university can't be offered to all.  
  
Further more, if the government has to offer all those students free university education, it would have to get a big source funding. if it offer this free education without certain criteria of choosing those who deserve, it will be a kind of wasting country saving. Hence all the evidence above demonstrate that free education should be offered according to condition and a way that guarantee choosing the best of those students who can not afford tuition.  
  
Admittedly, everyone has to get equal chance in education. This is true but he has to show that he deserve this free university education offer. In addition to, this will to guarantee that the country is investing in the right person. However, the above argument doesn't constitute a sufficient support to claim the governmental funds should be given under certain circumstances.  
  
In conclusion, although it is important to provide admitted students chance to have university education, the government can't support them all. It has to be certain criteria to choose the best of them.
Sayed, while your thought organization can possibly score up to a 4 in this essay, your overall score cannot be higher than a 2. That is the analysis that I came up upon observing certain serious problems with your work. You cannot score higher than a 2 in the portions related to quality of ideas, writing style, and grammar and usage. One of the biggest problems of your essay is your total disregard for the capital writing rules which dictate that the first letter of every word in a new sentence must be capitalized. Your grammar and usage leaves the reader a bit confused and stressed, which requires repeated reading of your work. You also have a serious problem when it comes to your word choice and sentence structure. These are serious weaknesses when it comes to analytical writing that created some serious scoring problems for your essay.