dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hey Guys! Could you help me check and rate my essay? Anything else I can do to improve my writing?  
  
***You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.  
The pie chart shows the percentage of persons arrested in the five years ending 1994 and the bar chart shows the most recent reasons for arrest.  
  
## Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

  
Write at least 150 words.***  
  
The pie charts delineate the percentage of offenders arrested from 1989 to 1984, five years, while the bar chart demonstrates apprehend reasons.Overall, males were arrested more than females. The majority of wrongdoers were captured since they drank in public; in contrast, the least percentage was accounted for inconclusive factors.  
  
Almost one-tenth of women were arrested, which quartered from men figures. Most people were caught because of public drinking. Women were approximately 37, which was higher than that of men (around 6%). It was followed by intoxicated while driving. This action was taken by over 25% of males, which were more than two times of females' percentage. The third reason was assaulting and other causes. Both activities illustrated similar percentages.  
  
Transgressing the rule displays around 18% of males and 12% of women, ranked the fourth. However, the same number of females were indicated by being robbers, but males' number was 16% (different from man's number in breach of order). Nevertheless, there are a few individuals seized with ambiguity reasons.  
  
*
The summary overview is perfect. It properly states the related information in a manner that informs without confusing references. The inclusion of the trending statement in the overview helped the paragraph gain a relevance of information and statement clarity test takers often miss out on.  
  
Now, the sentence presentations are more often than not, grammatically inaccurate. The writer will do well to develop his vocabulary along with his sentence creating abilities. There are enough online sentence and vocabulary exercises that can help the writer with this problem. While the thoughts can be deciphered, a more accurate sentence presentation will help increase scores. The current errors will result in deductions instead.
-regarding the intro: it is great to use while". however I am a bit confused about the " five years " in your sentence. I suggest it will be better to write " over the course of five years "  
  
-it is worth bearing in mind to avoid sentences with one single clause  
**Overall, males were arrested more than females.**-> looking from an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that males were arrested more than females  
- you should work more on your comprehension by using linking words like "while", " at the same time", " in contrast" or relative clauses  
- you can use some useful verbs to demonstrate the percentage like: " account for", " comprise ",
## Television advertising directed toward young children should not be allowed

  
  
Advertising is one of the primary and most well-known marketing tools used by companies to promote their products to customers. As a matter of fact, new inventions such as the television have allowed advertisers to reach out to a crowd, larger than ever before, including very young children. In my view, this can involve a plethora of risks which parents do not seem to understand, hence it is of tremendous importance that television advertising aimed at young children is strictly regulated or altogether banned.  
  
First of all, it has been scientifically proven time and time again that children aged 2-5 cannot process complex information, such as the messages contained in television adverts. Their brain functions have simply not developed up to a point when they would be able to comprehend what is good for them and what is not. Consequently, when they watch an advertisement in the television, they can be easily influenced by it. Fast food advertisements are a great example; They are usually accompanied by colorful and lively images of clowns or fantastic creatures. These pictures attract children who cannot understand or do not know the unhealthy effects of junk food. They stimulate their brain and make them crave even more of this food, leading them to the adoption of an unhealthy lifestyle.  
  
In addition, kids nowadays, even at this young age, are subjected to significant peer pressure. This is the case especially in Western, developed societies. Young children want to have what their peers possess and they feel particularly sad or depressed when their parents are unable to provide a particular toy or service due to financial issues . Advertisements aimed at young children often promote a spirit of consumerism which encourages children to "not be left behind their peers". This, can also cause friction between children and their parents, when the latter cannot afford the advertised product.  
  
To conclude, some people would say that it is not the responsibility of the government to regulate television advertisements but of the parents. However, we should take note that parents are not always able to supervise what their children are watching, mainly due to their many commitments. Therefore, it should be the state, under its responsibility to protect and positively influence the youth, that it should restrict television advertising aimed at young children.
The writer should choose to discuss only one of the two choices provided for the sake of clarity. Which of the 2 options do you believe would best control the problem? Why? Those are the only 2 discussion questions the essay should address. There is an over focus on the influence of advertising on children. The presentation should be balanced at 50/50, showing the wason why the chosen side best protects children from the pitfalls of advertising.  
  
The essay has a strong tendency to veer off track in terms of discussion. The writer sometimes includes irrelevant discussion points that add to length but not clarity of explanation. The total focus has to be centered on advertising. Peer pressure has nothing to do with government control or banning.  
  
Here is another tip, use an actual TOEFL essay prompt next time instead of an IELTS prompt. TOEFL prompts have a totally different format and ffocus.
## consumer spending - data from the table

  
  
Given is a table illustrating information about purchaser consuming goods in Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden and Turkey in 2002.  
In general, it can be seen those essentials commodities such as food, drinks and tobacco were the most favorite items for buyer. Furthemore, each country had the different demand.  
  
Out of the 5 countries, the Irish and the Turkish were 2 populations that spent on food, drinks and tobacco the most, at nearly 29% and 19% respectively. Moreover, Turkey also had the highest percentage in leisure and education with 4.35% while expenditure on clothes and shoes were significantly higher in Italy, at 9% than other countries.  
  
It is easy to figure out that the minority number of food, drinks, tobacco and also clothing, footwear were cosumed by the Swedish people (15.77% and 5.40%). Spain had midly higher figures for these 2 categories but however, Spainish citizen had the lowest figure in leisure and education.  
  
p.s: ietls cambridge 7 writing text 1
The summary overview failed to indicate a trending statement based on the highs and lows of a specific country. The trending statement misinforms the reader as the statement makes it appear that the trend is similar overall, which is never the case.  
  
The writer does not deliver the academic requirement for complete paragraphs. A complete paragraph is composed of at least 3 sentences. The student only provides 2 sentences per paragraph. It is incompletely analyzed as far as the examiner is concerned. Writing proper complex sentences, as opposed to these long sentences would have solved the formatting problem, created clearer presentations, and increased the per consideration score.  
  
By the way, it is the responsibility of the student to provide the comparison image for a more extensive review result.
## green energy

  
  
Using alternative sources of energy are encouraged in a developing country, although fossil fuels are primary origin by others. This is because fount power more green for the environment and high efficiency.  
  
To make the sphere becomes sanitary, some countries are using the supernumerary fountain of energies that could increase citizen healthy. I highly agree since alternative energy does not use dangerous additive materials. In 2018, Australia changes its energy sources from fossil fuels to wind energy, and it not only makes the local temperature more stable at 32oC in the summer season, but also reduces the carbon dioxide contained in the air. The number of gas emissions in the last years decreases from 300 ppm to 238 ppm, and it is in line with reduced number of respiratory diseases in Melbourne.  
  
High efficiency is owned by alternative sources of energy that could increase student interest in conducting research on this energy. I really agree, since the number of power is increased, and its reduces energy conversion time. Perovskite photovoltaic that utilize solar energy was used in United State of America, which gives electrical energy for 200 houses. By combining with Dye Sintesize Solar Cell (DSSC) of carrot, increasing conversion point of energy power until 20%, saving on lithium-ion batteries that can survive more than 24 hours, resulting the energy can wear on the night that no sunlight.  
  
To conclude, some countries that use alternative founts of energy are increase efficiency and making environment more clean compare to fossil fuels. Therefore, as teenagers must minimalize energy using by turn off the lamp if people does not use it.
It is difficult to assess the type of Task 2 essay the student is trying to write. The prompt ustatement and discussion paragraphs combine several prompts related to the topic. The actual topic and discussion format cannot be deduced because of the confusion regarding the true discussion basis. Exam takeus should never try to develop their own discussion focus for practice tests because they do not know how to format the questions properly.  
  
All of the paragraphs do not provide clear and understandable presentations. The thought process of the writer is not in English. The vocabulary usage proves that. The student needs to develop both his conversational and witten English skills to fix that problem.  
  
This current presentation cannot be reviewed properly because of the aforementioned problems. If the writer will use a proper prompt and post it here, I can review that essay instead.
## IELTS WRITING TASK 2: WORKING AND STUDYING FROM HOME

  
  
**THREAD: Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible.  
  
Do you think this is a positive or negative development?**  
  
ANSWER:  
  
In our day and age, technology advances have paved the way for the popularity of working and studying from home. From my perspective, this trend has advantages as well as disadvantages.  
  
On the one hand, working and studying from home are worldwide prevalence because it is considered by many to provide us with flexibility and convenience. For example, people who do freelance pointed out that they would have total control of their working environment. They have the freedom to choose where and when they want to work. Moreover, they can save a large amount of time commuting back and forth to work because most of their time was spent on working at home, not at an office. Another reason is that we are currently facing the Covid-19 pandemic, which caused numerous deaths around the world. Many facilities such as schools, workplaces, factories, etc were closed. Therefore, for students to keep up with their work during this social distance, online courses are necessary.  
  
On the other hand, there are still several disadvantages of this trend. For one, working and studying from home require high levels of discipline and commitment. However, many students find it hard to concentrate entirely on their online courses. They might easily get distracted by things like movies, online games, etc. Furthermore, while some people were working at home for a long time, they would have less chance to interact and communicate directly with their colleagues and clients . As a result, it is difficult to develop social skills like communication, or teamwork skills.  
  
In conclusion, although working and studying from home have some spiritual benefits for individuals during social distancing, there are also several problems that we should take into consideration.
The response provided shows that the Writer did not understand the writing format requirement for the prompt. Rather than supporting a single opinion as indicated, the writer chose to support both sides. This caused the failure of the essay to provide a clear opinion based on the writing instruction requirement.  
  
*Question: Do you think this is a positive or negative development?*  
  
The query asks the student to consider the discussion, weigh the evidence of. each side, and discuss the reasons why one side is the valid side. Either it is good (positive) or bad (negative). There is no room for a comparative presentation since the writer is not asked to discuss both views.  
  
*Response: this trend has advantages as well as disadvantages.*  
  
The writer, due to a misunderstanding of the instructions, responded with a discussion changing response. A/D is a different response format from P / N. The response made the essay fail due to an unrelated response.
## wealth inequality problem

  
  
In contemporary world, the wealth inequality has been a significant phenomenon, which gives rise to numerous jeopardies for the humankind. The precursors of this problem, additionally, are associated with many facts in the modern society, in which low-income members of the population are still bias treated. Therefore, through this essay, causes and drawbacks of this issue will be analysed.  
  
First of all, the most predominant root should be mentioned is that there is still a majority part of the labor, particularly blue-collar workers, are paid unsuitably with their sacrifices. Those employees, thus, can only afford necessary commodities but do not have any extra savings for future demands, especially for emergency medical treatments. Moreover, inflation is also responsible for the problem of wealth inequality as it put people with low incomes in jeopardy by decreasing the value of tenuous properties that they hold for saving purpose. In the Covid-19 epidemic, for instance, the prices of ample products like foods, vegetables or petroleum increases dramatically while incomes of almost employees decrease because of closing policies or the purpose of saving fees of companies.  
  
Consequently, this phenomenon is conducive to remarkable results which are harmful for individuals and society in whole. Firstly, it is responsible for numerous humanitarian crisis such as poverty, illiteracy and gender inequality that could demolish the civilization of the humankind in long-term. Secondly, this problem may recall the society of colonialism in which the wealth considers the power of a person or a country. The development of the globe, as result, could be interfered or even worse face with the possibility of a reduction, which correlates with the increase of criminals and anti-social behaviors.  
  
In conclusion, there are evidences that wealth inequality is a paramount social phenomenon that the world is dealing with. Therefore, the authorities should spend enough awareness in researching for measures of that issue as a survival target. In addition, individuals also have duties in tackling this global issue as well as establishing a better society for all.
The prompt restatement is an inaccurate, and therefore, invalid representation of the original prompt. It fails to deliver a representation suited to the provided topic, discussion reason, and format. This topic does not suit the discussion. It is irrelevant to the original presentation.  
  
The original prompt relates to wealth inequality sans the reasons provided in the first paragraph interpretation of the writer. Such misrepresentations alter the original topic and, as seen in this essay, tends to change the discussion instruction as well.  
  
The instruction falls under the writing format of cause and solution. The writer developed a discussion based on causes and disadvantages instead. The essay will recieve a failed score due to the unrelated response provided.  
  
Although scoring will still be provided selectively based on the cause response, it will not be enough to total a passing score due to the non-related drawbacks discussion.
## commute on bike

  
  
With the variety of vehicles in modern life, the number of bike users is remarkably dropping, which is one of the most head-aching issues in several countries. This essay aims to analyze the causes of this tendency and propose some plausible solutions.  
  
It is undeniable that bicycles' loss of popularity is the inevitable consequence of various factors. Accordingly, very few people choose bikes as their form of transport because of the shortcomings of bicycles. More apparently, riding a bike requires time-consuming and physically demanding. It is not to mention the fact that bicycles do not enable people to carry heavy lifts or travel long distances. Thus, due to the improvement of living standards, most of them are likely to switch to motorized vehicles, which are fast and convenient. Furthermore, humans tend to lead a sedentary lifestyle. In particular, even in short distances, motorbikes and cars are chosen instead of bicycles.  
  
Therefore, to encourage bike riders, the combination of the following resolutions is of utmost importance. Undoubtedly, the government launches propaganda campaigns to promulgate the benefits of riding a bicycle. Heightening public awareness of bike riding not only helps them fortify their physical health but also contributes to environmental protection. As result, bicycles gain a public attraction as a form of transports. Moreover, the governments invest in paths' construction exclusively for bike users. This solution aims to ensure the bikers' safety, which brings to them a reasonable reason for using bicycles for commuting or exercise. Stark examples of this could be seen in Netherlands and Germany, where the number of riders is highest in the world, well exemplify this.  
  
In conclusion, the limitation of bicycles and abuse in motorized vehicles impact the popularity of bikes. Thus, propaganda campaigns and infrastructure of bike riders are necessary to stimulate it in normal life  
  
Can u grade this on an IELTS band score???  
thanks for help
The first paragraph has specific information requirements.There are:  
  
- Restate the prompt as close as possible to the original prompt  
- Do not add information to the presentation that is not in the original information  
- Directly respond to every question provided using topic sentences to create the response outline.  
  
This paragraph failed to meet these accuracy requirements.  
  
Every body paragraph should be clearly explained within 5 sentences. In the 1st body paragraph the writer does not offer clear and informative sentences, regardless of the paragraph length / sentence number.  
  
There are too many unnecessary introduction sentences that fail to produce a coherent and cohesive paragraph. It takes too long for the writer to get to the point. The information needs to be scannable by the examiner.  
  
Keep the paragraphs short but informative. Make sure to check for scoring requirements. The TA and C + C problems have been indicated above. The rest of the errors are GRA related.  
  
\* Limited review provided. Contact us privately for comprehensive scoring services.
## When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration

  
  
When it comes to choosing a job, there is a wide range of factors affecting this decision. Many people argue that salary should be the top priority for applying for a position. Personally, I completely agree with this view.  
  
On the one hand, I believe that some may select their career choice based on their passion and interest because the job is what they pursue not only one or two days but perhaps for the whole of life. It is true that it is difficult to repeat doing tasks or works that they are not willing to or not having a passion for. For example, a lot of people ,nowadays, are striving to apply for bank officer position due to promising salary levels, then quickly move to another job as the result of not being suitable for such a desk job in the long-run.  
  
Nevertheless, I believe that a high-paying job is still the first option for job-hunters. One reason why job seekers select their careers based on salary level is that a wage plays a vital role in covering basic needs for their living. Everyone needs money to pay for the fundamental necessities of life, such as food, drinks, housing, and health service. That is more important for someone who is viewed as the breadwinner of a family. Furthermore, payment is one of the vital elements in keeping employees motivated in doing a job. Being under the pressure of workloads is a part of every job, and that sort of pressure could turn to a sense of achievement when receiving proportional payment which might encourage workers to do better in the future.  
  
In conclusion, while there are a variety of factors affecting an individual's work choice, I believe that the importance of money outweighs the other motivators.
The writer's response is improperly presented. Seeing as this is a simple agree or disagree based discussion, a measured response (I completely...) is inappropriate. The response format must always match the discussion presentation requirement. That said, the response will still be accepted and scored on a limited scale due to the formatting error.  
  
The essay is in danger of not achieving a passing score for 2 reasons. The first is an incorrect discussion format and the second, is an underdeveloped response. These reasons go hand in hand.  
  
The writer used a comparative format, meaning the writer found correct reasons for both sides, which results in a non- opinion presentation. The instruction is to choose and explain one side only. The essay will only get a score for an opinion related paragraph as indicated in the opinion sentence in the restatement. All unrelated paragraphs will not recieve a score. The essay, which now lacks a second supporting paragraph, will then be scored as incompletely developed. It may not be a passing score in the end after other deductions are applied.
## university's sport center - report

  
  
The diagram illustrates the plan of a university's sport center and how it looks after redevelopment.  
Overall, this sport centre is change significantly, but the most obvious change is two outdoor courts.  
In the middle of the sports center, the changing room, the seating, the reception and the twenty-five meters pool are still keep stable.The gym will be expanded to the east and the east outdoor courts will be changed to the sports hall and two dance studios beside it will be built. Opposite the sports hall they will be built a new changing room and a coffee shop.  
  
The west outdoor court will be changed to the leisure pool and opposite it will have the changing room and sports shop. Three parts are spread out will connect together.