dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
There is just one paragraph missing from this otherwise well developed presentation. That of the personal opinion which would have further added to the validity of one of the 2 public opinions. Remember the instruction is to discuss, meaning analyze the 2 public opinions first. That analysis would have led the writer to conclude in support of the por close to his own, as supported by a personal point of view based on personal experience or knowledge. The third paragraph is required for this essay to be considered fully developed and explained. The concluding part is also under developed. It failed to provide a proper concluding summary based on a complete topic restatement and reasoning composed of at least 3 sentences.
## learning about nutrition early

  
  
Many people believe that it is too soon for children to learn about nutrition. Personally, I believe that primary schools should teach nutrition education to their students. This is because learning about nutrition in the right way is important for children and school is the best effective place to do it.  
  
To begin with, precise knowledge about nutrition education is essential for children. By learning about this topic from the nutritionist in school, students can access correct knowledge about healthy food choices. Gaining accurate knowledge about these early on is important because it can influence students ' lifelong well-being. In fact, a recent survey has shown that there are many people following false health tips on the internet. Therefore, people who do this tend to develop unhealthy habits based on these inaccurate sources of information. Expanding nutrition education will ensure that younger generations do not rely on incorrect information.  
  
On top of that, learning about healthy eating habits in school can be very effective. Children are influenced easily by their classmates. They generally look at members of their peer group and follow their lead. With regard to nutrition, seeing their friends eat can motivate students to establish healthy eating habits. For example, if a child eats vegetables at school, the others in his or her class are more likely to try them. These students may give them a chance even if they normally dislike vegetables.  
  
To sum it, children should be taught correctly about nutrition from an early age, and the best place to find out eating habits is in school. For these reasons, I believe that primary schools should be taught children about nutrition education
The author forgot to provide the original prompt for reference purposes. The topic provided is not the commonly used prompt for the topic so I need a reference point for it. That said, I will try to provide an appropriate review for this work. Be reminded that no actual prompt is provided soa response appropriate review cannot be provided.  
  
The first reasoning paragraph sentence is redundant. The writer need not constantly remind the reader about the topic. Providing a topic response sentence would have been a better way to open the paragraph discussion as it would have provided a clean reference to the paragraph content. As for the expanded discussion, the writer should have avoided a reference to "a recent survey" as this does not fall under the personal knowledge personal experience, or publicly known information. It should have been framed differently, based on specified information sources, to meet the criteria.
## Task 2 - Hosting an international sports event

  
  
***Some people think that hosting an international sports event is good for the country, while some people think it is bad. Discuss both views and state your opinion.  
  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.***  
  
**My answer:**  
It is true that the question of whether to host an international sports event or not remains a source of controversy in the athletic field. While a number of people believe that it is bad, I would argue that it is good for the country that hosting those events.  
  
On the one hand, hosting an international sports event has many disadvantages for the country. Firstly, it is very costly. For example, a country hosting international sports has to pay a variety of expenses such as the cost of renovating or building the stadium, event preparation and organization costs. Secondly, although spending a lot of money but the country does not get much economic profit. Eventually public debt increases and affects its own economy.  
  
On the other hand, I believe that hosting an international sports event is a tremendous opportunity for a country to consolidate its position on the international arena. And this brings lots of benefits for its own country. For example, many fans from different countries will come to cheer for the national team and they can travel the host country, the beauty of the country will be more widely known all over the world. Another benefit when national event that can attract more investors to contribute and promote the development of the country.  
  
In conclusion, although both views certainly have some validity, it seems to me that it is better to host an international sports event for a country. Benefits of organizing a sports event is international in nature and lasting contribution to the development of the country.
The essay is obviously witten only from the personal considerations of the author. Which is why only 2 reasoning paragraphs are provided when the accepted discussion format is 3 comparative paragraphs. The prompt indicated the number of paragraphs: Discuss both 12 public opinions) and give your opinion (1 paragraph). The formula:  
  
2 public opinion paragraphs + 1 personal opinion paragraph = 3 discussion paragraphs  
  
The lack of proper 3rd person pronoun usage, along with a first person reference shows a general discussion based on a personal point of view. the required discussion format was not followed. The personal opinion must be evidently based on a comparison of the 2 public reasons as explained in individual paragraphs. That comparison is not portrayed in this presentation.
## Writing task 2 : family meals

  
  
Topic: The tradition that the family gets together to eat meals is disappearing. What are the reasons? What are the impacts?  
  
My essay:  
  
In this day and age, it is evident that there is an increasing disinterest in the practice of having meals with family. This essay discusses some remarkable reasons and their effects.  
  
There are two chief factors responsible for the disappearance of the family meals. Firstly, this issue is attributed to adult's excessive concentration on work. Because money is a constant source of worry and material desire is endless, people, particularly parents tend to be more assiduous hoping to get more money. Their lineups seem not to consist of mealtimes with their beloved ones. Moreover, they usually eat out with their co-workers, clients, and even skip their lunch and dinner. Furthermore, the emergence of food apps offering hundreds of choices allows people to pick their preferred dishes shortly without wasting time cooking deliberately. Therefore, family mealtimes become less crucial to them.  
  
Some fundamental influence could be anticipated. First, if this trend continues, close-knit families will no longer exist. Children and parents would be less close and the family bonding could deteriorate. As a consequence, getting inadequate concerns from parents can cause kid's misconduct and even society vices. In addition, if people abuse the apps and eat a lot of ordered food, they could consume redundant unhealthy food and do not have a balanced diet. This could lead to some detrimental health conditions relating to cardiovascular disease and obesity.  
  
In conclusion, the fact that people tend not to eat with their family stems from overloaded work and convenience of technology in the hustle life. This situation could lead to unwanted impacts on family affection, children, and their health as well.
The restatement of the topic is offering a personal opinion in the first sentence. This is not an accepted part of the original topic restatement This is an opinion that was never implied in the original statement. It will be considered a topic alteration and lower the score. The lack of proper direct responses to the questions do not meet the paragraph response requirement either as there are no direct answers in relation to the body paragraphs provided. The restatement paragraph fails to deliver on discussion expectations as no clear discussion flow is provided.  
  
The actual response paragraphs helped to save the presentation. The answers are relevant, explained well enough, and carry appropriate examples. However, improper word placement in the sentences tend to affect the clarity of the presentation. The essay is still understandable though and should be graded positively by the examiner.
*## Government should spend money on railways rather than roads

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**To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.***  
  
In the highly developed age, the railways play an important role in the human world. It is a symbol of safety, people need it in everyday life. Overall, the railways provide safe and sustainable transportation worldwide. Inevitably, this level of safety comes with an appropriate cost to maintain it. Cost is one of the keypoint for railways' safety. I strongly agree that government should make up the budget for railways to enhance safety and convenience. There are some reasons to support the statement.  
  
First of all, It is convenient for people to take the railways. If they need to transfer to another city, the railway would be the first choice. As they have time to take a nap or have a meal on the train trip. Therefore, the government should raise the money to improve the train service. Another reason is that the railways are public transportation with a complicated automatic system, compared with roads, it takes much effort and money to keep security measures steady. In order to improve people's standards of living and convenience, it is necessary to hire more professionals and operators to run the function effectively. Otherwise, if there was something wrong with the railway system, it would be likely cause massive disaster.  
  
Take it for an example, in 2018, there was a train accident that happened in Taiwan, caused 300 people injured and 18 death. The reason is that the ATP brake was broken while the authorities did not fix it in time. More than that, in 2021, Taroko train was hit by a truck unexpectedly then crashed into pieces. Because the authorities ignored to protect the facility and train tracks. They should hire staff to take care of the tracks in case of off-tracks.  
  
In summary, the government should allocate more money to the public transportation system like railway instead of roads, It is mandatory to care about the public profits like railways safety. I believe the government could take the responsibility to fulfill the obligations.(333 words)
The writer has not followed the simple prompt restatement instruction as provided for the task 2 essay. He began an actual discussion in this section which led to an inaccurate topic restatement. This is also the reason why the essay is over-discussed and using too many words.  
  
The reasoning paragraphs tend to ramble on with sometimes unrelated points. These cause problems in scoring the cohesiveness and coherence of the presentation. Cohesiveness refers to how well the topics relate to one another in the paragraphs. Coherence refers to how clearly the topic relationships are explained. These requirements are not seen in there paragraphs.  
  
The writer is not yet familiar with important English writing wells. The conjunction " because" cannot be used to start sentences as the ward is a subject or idea connector. It is used in the middle to connect what would otherwise be 2 seperated but related sentence ideas.
***Entertainment such as electronic games on portal devices is harmful to individuals and the society they live in.***  
## Do you agree or disagree?

  
  
The industry era 4.0 has brought an enormous amount of benefits to our life in medical treatment, transportation, and also entertainment. Some people say that new-age entertainment such as electronic games on portal devices is harmful to both individuals and the community. Personally, I partly agree with it.  
  
On the one hand, there is no doubt that these electronic games have a positive impact on our life. Firstly, like other kinds of entertainment, electronic games on portal devices help us to stress out and wind down after a long day at school or work. Some strategy games are also used to training the brain of the players and are encouraged to play with the right way and sensible amount of time. Secondly, game production and operation is now one of the billion-dollar industries in the day and age. It not only makes millions of employments around the world but also contributes to the annual country budget an enormous amount of money.  
  
On the other hand, it's reasonable that some people disagree with that kind of entertainment and consider it as a threat to the development of society and the life of each individual. The first reason is that these kind of games are very addictive, so players are likely to spend a lot of money and time on it, that may effects their real lives. A large number of teenagers all around the world are attracted by them and use most of their time playing games instead of studying every day, which leads to their bad results in school. The other reason is that electronic game on portal devices is also the cause of the increasing crime rate in recent years all around the world. Addicted players always have a tendency of depositing their money into the games to exchange good virtual items in the game. Therefore, they have to try all ways to get money, including doing illegal things.  
  
In conclusion, it comes to me that despite some certain benefits, electronic games on portal devices should be controlled strictly to decrease the bad effects it brings to individuals and the whole community.
The first 2 sentences of the first paragraph are unnecessary. Only the last 2 sentences are relevant and responsive to the writing requirements. Those are the only information to be provided in this paragraph. That said, the paragraph would still have lost points for the use of a cut andpaste reference to "electronic games on portal devices". All original keywords should be replaced with appropriate synonyms due to word usage and vocabulary considerations.  
  
The essay will recieve additional deductions due to an incorrect response format. This is not a measured response essay so there is no "partial" reasoning presentation. support one side fully or not at all. The writer has provided an unacceptable response based on the required discussion format. The essay does not offer a clear opinion based on the prescribed writing criteria.
## Writing task 2: Advertisements

  
  
Consumers are faced with increasing numbers of advertisements from competing companies. To what extent do you think consumers are influenced by advertisements? What measures can be taken to protect them?  
  
\* My essay  
  
In this highly competitive commercial market, people are exposed to an increasing amount of advertising, which has significant effects on their lives.This essay will outline some impacts of this trend on customers and suggest some solutions to help protect them.  
  
There are two major drawbacks that advertising causes . First, advertising distorts reality and creates unrealistic expectations. The primary purpose of any company is to make profits so that they will use advertising techniques to trick people into buying their products without trying to improve quality of the products. For example, in Vietnam, there are many commercial videos about the medicine and its effective value, however, the company are exaggerating its benefits since these medicines do not work and may even lead to bad results in people's health. Second, some of advertising is unsuitable and offensive, which directly affect customers. For instance, many advertisements use inappropriate sexual contents to promote a product, which has an adverse impact on children's mind.  
  
There are a of number ways to protect people from harmful advertisements.  
One solution to this problem is for the government to ban commercials with unrealistic and improper contents. If the company still run innapropriate advertising campaigns, heavier punishments should be imposed on the company to prevent bad situations. Another viable solution is that clients should be alert to commercial technichques and understand clearly about the product before buying it instead of making impulsive purchases.  
  
In conclusion, an increasing amount of advertising has many negative impacts on customers, especially young children. The government and clients should take some mentioned above measures to tackle this problem.
The restatement is acceptable. The question responses are not. There are no direct topic responses presented as required to develop a clear discussion outline presentation. Therefore, the restatement paragraph does not establish a strong nor clear discussion introduction.  
  
The first reasoning paragraph fails to respond to the first question.  
  
*Question: To what extent do you think consumers are influenced by advertisements?  
Response: There are two major drawbacks that advertising causes .*  
  
The discussion should be about influence, not drawbacks. This is not a benefits v. drawbacks essay. Response paragraph 1 - Fail.  
  
The second question response is proper and relevant to the question. It will recieve full scoring considerations . The overall presentation will still fail though as only 1 of the I questions recieved a relevant response.
## social networks summary

  
  
The bar chart shows the number of users of popular social networks as of January 2021. According to the most recent data, Facebook is the king of social media, with 2.80 billion active members as of January 2021. YouTube comes in second on the list of most popular social media sites in 2020, with about 2.3 billion active users. WhatsApp and Facebook Messenger are the third and fourth most popular social media networks, with two billion and 1.3 billion active users, respectively. They are classed as a message, chat, and/or phone platform One interesting fact is that if we add Tiktok and Douyin (Tiktok in China) users, this young network will surpass Instagram or even Facebook Messenger in the near future. These figures demonstrate Facebook's dominance in the social media world. More than half of the six most popular social media sites are Facebook properties, including Facebook, WhatsApp, Facebook Messenger, and Instagram.  
  
**Thanks so much!**  
  
*
The presentation format is off. The writer must train himself to write in the standard 3 paragraph format composed of 3- 5 sentences each. The paragraphs should be divided into:  
  
Paragraph 1 - Summary overview + trending statement  
Paragraph 2 - Comparison explanation  
Paragraph 3 - Analysis consideration  
Paragraph 4 (optional) - Additional reporting data not suited in the trending statement (overlapping points, equal measurements, etc. ). Usually used when 2 images are being compared and discussed.  
  
This is an academic paper. Popular references like "King of social media" are exaggerated claims used in daily conversation but, not in academic writing. Bear in mind the professional audience who will read the report and use suitable reference terms to create a professional paper.
Hi reviewers, thank you in advance for reviewing my essay. I am preparing for IELTS GT exam and this is my first essay. Can you help me to comment on my essay?  
  
**## COMPUTERS ARE BECOMING AN ESSENTIAL PART OF EDUCATION

  
*DISCUSS THE ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION. WRITE AT LEAST 250 WORDS.***  
  
With the development of telecommunication devices, computers are gradually used as a necessary tool for a part of education. By taking advantage of technological services, students will extensively utterlise computers as a partner during their educational career, though there are several drawbacks to consider.  
  
The greatest benefit of using computers for education is that students have more opportunities to expand the research network for their thesis. Instead of reading a plethora of books related to topics for many days, now computers make it possible for them to approach many useful sources of information in a flash. By this way, students somewhat have more time to focus on and do multiple tasks at the same time that is otherwise impossible if they chose to read.  
  
However, spending such a long time using computers in education may cause some students to do sth wrong with the purpose of teachers and gain bad marks then. Some students may be tempted into social networking sites and browsing the Internet while teachers do not pay attention. For example, when studying Computer Science, my friends are always playing games behind their teacher's back, which oftentimes they become addicted and perform badly on their exams.  
  
To sum up, using computers in education has become incredibly common around the world. While most people make use of them as a great tool, there are in fact some disadvantages that stop the development of these equipment. In my opinion, it is the hardship that applying technological devices to education is much more advantageous than disadvantageous.
The writer has several word usage errors in this essay that displays his lack of English vocabulary understanding. The word "gradually" cannot be used to replace the keyword "essential" as gradually refers to a slow development while essential is related to important and useful developments. A made-up word was also used in the form of " utterlise ". No such word exists in both the American and UK dictionaries. Perhaps the word Was supposed to be" utilized " instead ? These errors will have direct score deductions applied to the LR, C + C and GRA scores.  
  
The writer also uses text speak in an academic essay. The letters "Sth" means something in informal sms writing but, shows a lack of proper academic writing skill in the test. Further LR and GRA deductions will be applied as the writer shows an inability to write in an academically acceptable format.