dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Ho, where in the phrase "some people think" did you get the understanding that the topic being presented "spark off a heat debate?" There is no debate indicated. Therefore, your exaggeration is unwarranted and shows a lack of proper English vocabulary understanding. When the term is "some people think", that indicates a discussion of an opinion, not a heated debate. By the way, the correct term is "has sparked off a heated debate." Do not exaggerate your discussion terms. When you become careless, and in an effort to show off your vocabulary rather than your proper understanding of how to use English terms, you might just find yourself starting a prompt deviation that could make you fail the test. Do not exaggerate. These essays are always opinion discussions or plain discussions never more than that.  
  
Your approach to the direct question essay is proper, but you must never indicate "I think" when your opinion is being asked for. That is because this shows an uncertainty in your point of view. There should always be a point of view that you support more that can allow you say, "My opinion is..." rather than the tepid "I think..."  
  
Your essay suffers from a series of run-on sentences per paragraph. This has affected the C&C presentation of your essay. It has become confusing to read and keep track of. Most specially since your English grammar is nowhere near perfect, which also confuses and stresses out the reader as we have to struggle to figure out what your point is or what you are trying to say.  
  
Work a more proper concluding summary paragraph. Do not present new opinions in this section because it leaves the essay open ended rather than concluded.
Topic:  
*In cities, large shopping center and supermarket become more popular than small local shop. Is this positive or negative development.*  
  
## Those desirable modern shopping centers..

  
  
Answer:  
In recent years, the appearance of modern shopping areas such as big commercial centers and supermarkets in the cities is more popular than small local shops. While I accept that this may be a positive development, I believe that it is also a negative one.  
  
On the one hand, there are several reasons why this trend is beneficial in some ways. Firstly, local residents will find it easier to buy some kinds of essential things like food and household items in big-scale shopping buildings instead of going to more than one location. There is definitely a variety of products in a similar commercial complex, which is what most citizens expect these days to save their own times. Secondly, some small stores sell their products such as fruits and drinks without verified origins which is forced in either each shop of shopping complex or supermarket. If any object is bought in the supermarket, its quality will be guaranteed.  
  
On the other hand, this development can be extremely negative. One reason is that the business of local employers will be affected because of the competition between them and the owners of commercial buildings. This will bring about a considerable decrease of local income, which may lead a part of the locals unable to make ends meet. Furthermore, the excessive growth of such large shopping areas can lead to the shortage of space for public usage. As a result, the local inhabitants will have less place to do physical activities like sports and morning exercises.  
  
In conclusion, it is certainly true that these modern shopping buildings should be more popular, but this is by no means that these places will be excessively developed.
I'm not a native speaker but I can help you about your essay.  
First, I think you're good at arranging your ideas because in my opinion, your paragraphs are developed well and logical. You also use long and complex sentences and academic words. However, you have small mistakes throughout your essay.  
  
**the appearance of modern shopping areas...**  
For me, "the appearance" in this sentence is confusing and not necessary.  
**to save their own times**  
It sounds weird. I would write "to save time".  
**without verified origins which are forced in both shopping complexes and supermarkets**  
**which may lead ... to beunable to**  
**...these places should be excessively developed**.  
I wouldn't use "will" in this sentence.  
  
I'll be happy if you also help me with my essays in the future.
Bui, this is not a comparison essay but rather a single opinion essay discussion. A comparison essay indicates the instructions "Discuss both points of view" in its instruction sentence. In a single opinion essay, you are asked to choose one point of view based on the choice word "or" which means you have to pick one side and focus only on that discussion for the full essay. You cannot discuss both because you have to convince the reader that your opinion is the correct one, without offering comparison points. The clarity of your explanation will help to convince the reader.  
  
Now, since you discussed both points of view in this essay, you will only get a partial score as you created a prompt deviation in the essay. You will be scored on the "negative" discussion alone because that is one where you indicated a belief in your thesis statement.  
  
Your discussion of 2 topics in one paragraph did not allow you to fully develop your explanations and justifications for either topic in the paragraphs. This means that the examiner will read your essay and determine that your paragraphs are not completely developed which will affect your C&C score. It will also result in points deductions for the GRA section due to lack of transition sentences between topics and paragraphs. Simply counting "First, Second" does not qualify as a transition sentence. That can only be used to count off your paragraphs instead.  
  
The conclusion needs to stop being a run-on sentence. Discuss the statement in 3 sentences instead in order to meet the paragraph / sentence requirements of the C&C scoring section.
## Individual vs team sports

  
  
**Task 2: Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football. While other people think that taking part in individual sports is better, like tennis or swimming. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.**  
  
It would be argued by some that it is better to participate in solo sports like tennis or swimming. In my opinion, however, they should engage in team sports like football.  
  
On the one hand, there are a number of reasons why some think that taking part in individual sports more advantages. Firstly, people who choose solo sports will have opportunities to develop independence. Because there are no helps during the game, they are forced to develop independent thinking and make their own decisions. Those who participate in team sports, by contrast, usually received supports from team members, this reason can prevent them to develop this skill. Secondly, that players in solo sports know that their success depends mostly on their effort, determination, concentration. Therefore, they always have to make every possible effort to achieve their goals.  
  
On the other hand, I would argue that it would be better for people to engage in team sports like football. The reason is that these sports teach players valuable life lessons which they could not from individual sports. The football player is an example, they were taught the way to work effectively in a team environment and sacrifice themselves for the sake of their team. Another reason is these kinds of sports also taught player for leadership which is one of the most important skills in the world nowadays.  
  
In conclusion, although some people think that people should be engaged in individual sports, I personally believe that team sports bring more benefits for them.  
  
*   
*Task 1*
I am studying for IELTS too, so I can't give you a good and detailed answer like a native speaker will. However, I can fix some words and sentences for you in tour writing task 2 essay.  
  
Your problem in this essay is overusing simple sentences and misusing of tenses. Also, while you argue in your essay that team sports are better, your paragraph about them is underdeveloped and a little confusing. You should improve your grammar and develope your idea better.  
  
**It would be argued by some**  
I think it is better if you just use simple tense as there is no need for "would" and you can remove "by some". It is argued that...  
  
And you should mention that some people likes to take part in team sports before giving your opinion.  
**there are a number of reasons why some...**  
I will change it to "... reasons some people believe that taking part in individual sports has more advantages than team sports".  
  
**Because there are no helps**  
"Help" doesn't have plural form.  
**Those who ... usually received ...**  
You should use simple tense here.  
**... effort, determination and concentration  
lessons which they cannot learn from individual sports**  
**The football player is an example,**  
I would write "Take a football player for example".  
**they were taught the way ...**  
Again, no need for past tense.  
**bring more benefits to them**  
  
I will be happy if you take your time reading and helping me with my essays in the future.
Nguyne, who are you arguing with? Why are you arguing? There is no indication of an argument anywhere in the original prompt. Neither is anyone debating with you so that you can argue a point of view. A Task 2 essay is always a discussion where you share an opinion, a point of view, or engage in a discussion. You never argue. Do not use the terms argue or debate in these essays as none of the essay ever require such fighting statements. These are considered exaggerations which could affect your TA score.  
  
Your opening paragraph is a run on sentence. You need at least 3 sentences in order to properly represent a paraphrased discussion. You should also work on using a variation of terms that do not borrow directly from the original prompt. Here is a sample of how you could have approached this essay:  
  
*There are some people who believe that there are positive gains to be had from participating in group sports such as soccer. While others believe that individual sports such as badminton and golf provide more benefits. In this essay, I shall compare both points of view prior to offering my own insight on the topic.*  
  
In the first paragraph, you started the second sentence with the word "because" which is a connecting word. Thus is cannot be used to open a sentence. Rather than that term, you could have instead used a comma at the end of the first sentence so that you could have immediately gone into the connected sentence that supported the first sentence.  
  
When you discussed the team sports, you should have done that as a separate, stand alone paragraph. Remember a completely developed, coherent and cohesive paragraph discusses only one topic per presentation where you use:  
  
1. Topic sentence  
2. Topic Supporting Reasoning 1  
3. Topic Supporting Reasoning 2 (optional)  
4. Topic Supporting Reasoning 3 (optional)  
5. Supporting example  
  
That is the format to be used for the 3 body paragraphs.  
  
Both points of view should come from the public perspective as indicated in the original prompt. Neither can come from your point of view. Your point of view is the 3rd opinion for presentation in the essay. You made a mistake with your point of presentation when it came to this aspect in this particular essay.  
  
Your concluding summary is a single run-on sentence when it should have been at least a 3 sentence summary of the discussion points presented in the essay. You could lose additional TA, C&C, GRA points with this mistake.
*It's generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for music and sport, and others are not. However, it's sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become good sports person or musician.  
  
Discuss the two ideas giving your opinion.*  
  
## Talented or untalented?

  
  
It is true to argue that many a person has outstanding inborn talents for music, art or sport. However, I myself believe that other untalented children can be trained to achieve marvelous results in these fields.  
  
On the one hand, that every child being taught to acquire important skills and to be good in certain fields is illustrated in our current education system. It is evident that many a child with no God-given talents has achieved unprecedented successes due to guided practices and hard training periods in their schools or institutions.  
  
On the other hand, there are some reasons for people to believe the inborn talented children to be the predominant sports people, artist or musician. Accordingly, the skills and techniques acquired from trainings can never be a determinant to one's success. Instead, only children with certain talents since they were born can produce work of outstanding quality and hence, are likely to achieve their ambitions and become great people in the fields they work. Another reason is that inborn talents cannot be taught or acquired through schooling and guided practices, no matter how hard the untalented try.  
  
I myself believe that sport and musical talents run in the family, and children with inborn talents are more likely to stand out of the crowds, easily acquire techniques and achieve tremendous successes. However, these children are also likely to be dependent on what they are inherited and hardly try their best. Whereas, other untalented children always have their ambitions and try much harder to achieve what they long for. Still, without the talents, continuous training would be counterproductive.  
  
In conclusion, I agree that every child can be raised and taught to be good in sports or music, yet to be the best in these fields, inborn talents might be required.  
  
I really appreciate your comments on what my essay lacks in and what I can do to improve. Many thanks!
Mu, even though you wrote 301 words in this essay, I can see certain points where you struggled with your writing and did not have enough to say to create a coherent, cohesive, and well developed paragraph. This is highly evident in paragraphs one and two. Let's break this problem down per paragraph.  
  
In the first paragraph, you did not properly paraphrase the prompt. You forgot that this is not a direct question essay but a comparison essay so the discussion does not start until the second paragraph. These paragraphs should have read as :  
  
*When it comes to talent in athletics and the arts, it is believed that certain people are born with skills to succeed in these fields. While there are those who become good and perform well in these areas through training and education. In this essay, I will assess both points of view and offer my own comment regarding these two beliefs.  
  
There are children who are admittedly born with a natural talent and skills for certain activities such as sports and music. These natural talents do not have to work hard in these areas because they perform well even without formal training or long hours of practice. This is because they are believed to have been born with the skill naturally occurring within the child. Sometimes, this is attributed to the child taking after the specific skill of one parent either in sports or arts. While others just manifest the talent even without parental influence. Inexplicable as it is, these children are just born this way while others are not.  
  
On the other hand, there are children who have a keen interest in sports and arts who do not have the natural talent but can be honed in the field through education and practice...  
  
I believe that...*  
  
Never say "I myself" as that is a redundancy. I is a first person reference to yourself, which is the same indication for the word "myself." that is a GRA error.  
  
You will have a problem with your TA scoring because in the end you indicated "I agree that", when you were not being asked to "agree or disagree" in the original prompt. That is a prompt deviation. Your summary should have merely repeated the discussion without giving an opinion. This essay did not need it so there was no need to give one. You totally forgot how to properly write a concluding summary in this instance. You ended up with a prompt deviation in the end.
*Hi. My name's Phuong. I'm 18. I have been learning IELTS for 2 days. I hope to get 7.0 on the test around 19 July. I'd be very thankful if you can help me with my task 2 essay below. Then I'm also ready to help you back. Have a nice day!*  
  
## The power of advertising

  
  
Writing task 2:  
Write about the following topic:  
**Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?** Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.  
  
**MY ANSWER:**  
  
Some people believe that the better-selling products nowadays shows the impact of utilizing advertisements instead of the truthful demand by the buyers. Personally, I completely disagree with this view.  
  
For variety of reasons, it would be wrong to attribute the whole success of some popular products not to what the consumers truly want but the poweful advertising. Firstly, it is the customers who make the decision on which products to purchase in order to cater for their own demands without harming their financial health. Secondly, in the free market today, advertising is becoming saturated with itself. For example, in the city I am from, there are the huge array of advertisements varying from the malls downtown to the online shops, which turns out overwhelming and unreliable to me. Therefore, I believe that the only thing can make us buy something is our own knowledgeable judgement and free will.  
  
In my opinion, we should all regard advertising as a tool to call for customers' attention rather than force people to buy a product. In fact, I would argue that it goes against the values of a free and fair society to force a group of people to do something against their will. It is beneficial for all members of society to purchase a high quality product if they want with equal opportunities given to all sellers. This will result in a healthily competitive market where each seller have to do best to enhance their products' real quality to satisy the changing needs of customers and to rival others. Thanks to trustworthy goods, a more productive and prosperous nation will rise up and promise us a better lives.  
  
In conclusion, I do not believe that advertising would be the key to the marketplace where nowadays customers are smart and independent enough to make the best choice.  
  
304 words
Viet, While your 2 body paragraphs contain the correct number of sentences to represent a full paragraph, your opening paraphrase and concluding summary do not. Even though you wrote 305 words in this essay, in totality, the essay remains under developed in terms of discussion presentation. You aimed for a higher word count and forgot to focus on the content of the essay, which is vastly important than the number of words that you wrote. You would have received full scoring considerations even if you only wrote the minimum 250 words. Writing the minimum word count is enough to increase your LR and GRA score. It also allows you to have extra time to further improve the content of your essay. With over 300 words, I can sense that you not only did not use a timer when writing this essay, but that you also did not proof read your work due to the sentence structure errors in the presentation.  
  
Your opening paraphrase, though close to the original, does not properly depict a mix of simple and complex sentences. You should have divided that presentation, as well as the concluding summary, into at least 3 sentences per paragraph to meet the C&C requirements and TA considerations. This could have been written in a more effective format such as :  
  
*Consumer goods these days are said to be a reflection of the requirements of our current culture. That is why the popular items have a high selling rate. I am in total disagreement with this point of view for a number of reasons.  
  
First....  
  
Second...  
  
That is why I believe that...  
  
In the end...*  
  
Now, you are being scored heavily on your ability to fully explain your reasons per paragraph within a 5 sentence limitation. It is never wise to discuss 2 topics in one paragraph because of that ruling. When you discuss more than one topic per paragraph, you end up with the current presentation you have, little explained nor justified reasons which cannot convince the reader that your opinion is the correct one. There is a 3 topic allotment for every body of paragraph after the opening statement but before the concluding summary. Use it properly, the example I showed you indicates the correct writing format for the body paragraphs.  
  
Your concluding statement must be a clear restatement of the prompt paraphrase, the 3 discussion points, and your opinion. That is all that is required there. You must never present a new discussion topic as you did here because you ended up with an open ended or unfinished essay presentation.
Hi everyone, I'm taking the ielts test at the end of this summer and my target is 8 in overall.  
Could you guys give me a few advices on how to develop on my writing. The writing task 2 is below, please help me to grade it and if it possible, please also advise me how much i can get from below essay (on the scale from 1 to 9).  
  
Thank you very much guys  
  
## children in stress

  
  
*Task 2: Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures? (cause: life always has the tendency to more forward, solution: let young children grow in their own way, focus more on self-identity)*  
  
There is no doubt that family and society are putting more and more burden over young people with the expectation of growth in education, social development and financial matters. This essay will address some of the root cause of rising in standard of identity and propose solutions to these problems.  
  
Firstly, the cause for this matter is that aspects such as academic knowledge, communication, and financial matter are often considered as criteria to judge the ability to move forward of an individual, therefore people believe putting pressure on those aspects will act as a motivation for children in order to bring up the general life of society. For specific, after many centuries of development, life in general always has the tendency to move up, therefore it is reasonable for parents and society to put more desire to grow onto children with the hope that they will bring about more innovation into the world.  
  
How to cut back on pressure over young people is what need to be concentrated on today. Proposing a solution for this problem could be let children sprout in their own way. Furthermore, adults should shift their focus to self-identity which is also known as allowing children to discover their own potential during their growing up. In this way, young people will have the opportunity to learn more about their personalities and what to do in the future that suits best with them.  
  
In conclusion, the problem that many children have to be under pressure from aspects such as education, social and commercial expectation could be resonated in desire to better of adults and the pressures would likely reduce by letting children free to grow.