dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hi, what a good summary, but let me give several comments, perhaps useful for you.  
1. Miss spelling word  
Fluppy Bird----> Flappy Bird  
2. you should put the source of the video, so others people will easy to follow the information.  
3. ... brought out regarding this project; low floor, high ceiling ... ----> you should make more explanation, to make the readers ease to follow your summary, particularly your conclusion or the end of the summary.  
  
4. Better if you write a summary at least 150 words.
In 1986, the world's worst nuclear accident was happened and released nuclear radiation 400 times as much as radiation the bomb dropped by The United States in Hiroshima. The accident was occurred in Chernobyl. Nowadays, Chernobyl is more popular as a dead city because leak of nuclear reactor several years ago. After the accident, the environment particularly Chernobyl's soil, water and air are categorized as the highest contaminated on our hemisphere. Holly Morris, as a TED speaker, was tried to filming the accident of Chernobyl. She found strange facts about the area that vast of people were evacuated at the time of the accident. But at the moment, she saw smoke coming from a farmhouse. Moreover, several citizens still stay and living inside the dangerous environment and they called them self as self-settlers. Almost of them are women and they lives in dangerous area. For the victim of this tragedy suffered higher levels of anxiety and depression all lives. But for self-settlers, their spirit and existence of them keep their spirit for their life.
Dear Dioba, here some advice for your writing and feel free to correct me too!  
  
..., she saw smoke **was** coming from a farmhouse.  
  
... citizens still stay**ed** and ~~living~~**lived** inside the dangerous ...  
  
Almost of them ~~are~~**were** women and they ~~lives~~**lived** in dangerous area.  
  
For the victim**,**~~of~~ this tragedy suffered ~~higher~~**the high** levels of anxiety and depression all ~~lives~~**the times**.  
  
Regards
Hi Dioba, here's another one from my end.  
  
- ~~was~~ happened and released nuclear radiation 400 times  
- ~~as~~ much ~~as~~more radiation than  
- The accident ~~was~~ occurred in Chernobyl.  
- city because of the leak of the nuclear reactor ...  
- air ~~are~~was categorized as the ...  
- one in our hemisphere.  
- Holly Morris, ~~as~~ a TED speaker, ~~was~~ tried to film~~ing~~ the accident  
- of the Chernobyl.  
- She found strange facts about the area ~~that~~where a vast of people  
- Almost all of them are women and  
- ~~they~~there lives ~~in dangerous area~~are in danger .  
- For the victim of this tragedy, they suffered higher levels  
- depression all their lives~~. But~~, however, for self-settlers, their spirit and existence ~~of them~~ keep their spirits alive~~for their life~~ .  
  
There you have it Dioba, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision.  
For future writing reference, mind the minor details on your sentences, remember, the sentences makes up the idea of the entire essay so you have to be very cautious.I wish to review your final essay soon.
Hi mr Dio, these are my thought towards your summary  
  
1. it would be better if you write some opening sentences.  
  
2. ... nuclear accident ~~was~~ happened and released  
The accident ~~was~~ occurred in Chernobyl  
Holly Morris, as a TED speaker, ~~was~~ tried to filming  
[ Watch your active and passive voice sentence]  
  
3. Nowadays, Chernobyl is more popular as a dead city  
[ it would be better if you use 'known as a dead city' ]  
  
the main problem of your is when you use active or passive voice  
i hope it helps , keep writing and goodluck
**Bar Chart : Estimated Maximum of Asian Elephant's Population**  
  
A breakdown of the information about the alteration maximum of Asian elephant's population in nine different Asia countries between 1997 and 2004 is shown in the bar chart. Overall, with the exception of Cambodia and Laos, all of countries showed declined trends about elephant's population during period.  
  
According to the chart, by 1997, India had the highest proportion of elephant's population and it was continued in the next period. A large gap was showed in Malaysia proportion by 3,000 and around 1,000 in 1997 and 2004 respectively. Similarly, it was followed by Thailand rates in 1997 (about 4,000) and roughly 1,000 in 2004 which showed a widened gap.  
  
A more detailed look at the graph revealed that China had the least proportion of elephant's community by 1,000 in 1997 and below 1,000 in 2004. In contrast, Cambodia proportion was experienced an inclined trend in 1997 and 2004 by 1,000 and 1,500 respectively. Other countries were performed only a small proportion.  
  
*
Hi,what a good summary, but let me give several advice, perhaps useful for you.  
1. Good introduction, but you forget to put about the measurement in introduction sentence ( for instance : percent, million ). In the bar chart, the measurement is the number.  
  
the essential elements in introduction are paraphrase the question and the measurement.  
2. ... information about ~~the alteration maximum~~the maximum alteration of Asian elephant's (...) between 1997 and 2004 that is shown in ...  
Keep writing and break a leg!
A breakdown of the information about the proportion of expenditures on five different needs in four developed countries in 2009 is shown in the bar chart. Overall, with the exception of Japan, all countries spent their money on housing.  
  
According to the chart, United States of America had dominated proportion on housing and health care by 26% and 7% respectively. On the other hand, Canadian had the largest percentage on transportation and clothing at 20% and around 5% respectively. However, on food consumption, Japanese become the best proportion than other countries by 23%.  
  
A more detailed look at the graph revealed that Japan had the least proportion on transportation expenditure by 10%. Americans spent the lowest percentage on food and clothing, which shown by almost 15% and below 5% respectively. Interestingly, both Japanese and Canadian had the same proportion on health care expenditure by almost 5%. Furthermore, United Kingdom had the least position on health care by 1% and this country was not predominated in other categories.  
  
*
Hello  
You have a good summary  
I have some corrections for you  
  
*Firstly, pluskid was right. You can change your word of 'respectively' with successively/ consecutively  
Secondly, too many words of 'by almost'. You can change it into roughly/ approximately/ at close to  
Thirdly, too many words of 'the least position'. You can change it into tiniest/ smallest proportion*  
  
... consumption, Japanese ~~become~~had the best proportion ...  
  
American~~s~~ spent the lowest (...), which was shown by almost ...  
  
Thanks
**Bar Chart 4 : International Graduates in Eight Canadian Provinces**  
  
The bar chart reveals the information about the proportion change in the number of international scholars graduated from colleges in eight Canada provinces between 2001 and 2006. Overall, with the exception of Alberta, all of figures showed a significant growth rate during period.  
  
According to the graph, New Brunswick province become the most graduated students in 2001, with the percentage at 7%. In contrasted, Ontario had the least proportion of graduated learners in this time by 3%. However, by 2006, the percentage of students graduated in Ontario had showed a significant increased by 6% and it made this province did not become the lowest proportion at this period.  
  
A more detailed look at the chart revealed that by 2006, Nova Scotia and British Columbia had the same proportion of graduated scholars at approximately 10%. It was followed by Manitoba and Newfoundland & Labrador provinces which appeared the same rates. Furthermore, Alberta becomes the least proportion of graduated students during this time by about 4%.  
  
*
A breakdown of the information about the proportion of money spent on five different items in four developed countries in 2009 measured by percentage is shown in the bar chart. Overall, all countries spent their household budget on housing, apart from Japan.  
  
Turning to housing, United States was led in first position at more than a quarter, while the last was occupied by Canada at approximately two out of ten. In health care, United States also took in the top rank, whereas United Kingdom at below 5%.  
  
  
Comparing the countries, it is found that the United States showed superiority proportion both housing and healthcare at 26 and 7 percent respectively, however it was occupied in the last position on clothing and food. Meanwhile, Japan predominated on food, yet was the lowest on transportation. At the same time, Canada witnessed the highest rate on clothing at 5% and transportation at roughly 20%, whereas it expensed on housing was the least.  
  
*
Overall, all countries spent their household budget on housing, apart from Japan. measured by percentage is shown in the bar chart.  
*This sentence is too long, it is better to divide each paragraph into three sentences. For exampale: (...) 2009 is shown in the bar chart. it is measured in percent. Overall, all countries (...) apart from Japan.*  
  
United States ~~was~~ led in first position at more than a quarter, *be careful when using active and passive sentences*  
  
whereas United Kingdom *was*~~at~~ below 5%.  
~~however it was occupied in the last position on clothing and food~~ .*however on clothing and food, America occupied in the last position*
Hello  
You have a good summary  
I have some corrections for you  
  
... developed countries in 2009 is measured by percentage ~~is~~and shown in the bar chart.  
*Riandi, I think you have a problem with passive voice. If you want to make a passive voice, you should put 'to be' before verb 3*  
  
Overall, *you can submit some words, such as 'it can be seen that' or 'it is noticable that'* all countries spent their household ...  
  
... States was led in the first position at ...  
  
Comparing the countries, it ~~is~~was found that the United States ...  
  
... whereas it expensed on housing that/ which was the least.  
  
Thanks
A breakdown of the information about the figure for imprisonment in five different developed countries in a fifty-year period, started in 1930 measured in thousands is shown in the bar chart. Overall, despite the fluctuate alternations, United States of America and Canada arrested more criminals between 1930 and 1980. While the others number of imprisonment remained below.  
  
Initially, the number of Canadian imprisonment broke the record as the highest one. It was followed by USA and New Zealand at the same value, around 100,000. However, in a five-decade period USA took over Canada's record and around 140,000 criminals had been arrested and sentenced. Meanwhile the others was below a hundred thousand.  
  
In addition, despite the fluctuate alternation in most countries, a gradual increase in the number of imprisonment was seen in Great Britain decade by decade. In the end of timeframe, only Australia which had the lowest number punished no more than 60,000 offenders.  
  
*
Hello  
You have a good summary  
I have some corrections for you  
  
... five different developed countries ~~in~~over/ during a fifty-year period, which/ that was started in 1930 and measured in ...  
  
Here my suggestion:  
**A breakdown of the information about the figure for imprisonment in five different developed countries in a fifty-year period that is shown in the bar chart. It was started in 1930 measured in thousands.**  
  
... While the others number of imprisonment remained below.  
*Madina was right. If you want to use comparison, you should give 'than the other' statement in the same sentence to emphasize it*  
  
... around 100,000. (...) and around 140,000 criminals ...  
*Give me correction if I am wrong. You have mentioned 'the unit' in your introduction. So I think it will be fine, if you just mention 100 or 140*  
  
In the end of *timeframe*time frame , only Australia (...) number punished that no more than 60,000 offenders.  
  
Thanks
I will appreciate every kind of recommendation in order to improve my writing skills.  
  
From moderator: NEXT time you'll get suspended for posting useless comments in other students' threads.  
  
prntscr.com/d605qa - a link to the topic and the charts.  
  
The pie graphs provide information about the results of a survey about boy's and girl's prefered culture and leisure activities. Even though, some noticable similarities between the two genders have been observed, overall the differences were much more significant.  
  
It is clear to see that, he boy's favourite activity was the playing of computer games, with approximately 34% of them sharing that opinion. The computer games were closely followed by the basketball and soccer, which recieved respectively 26 adn 17% of all boys votes. Both listening to music and skateboarding experienced similar results, they were both practised by about 10 % of the asked boys. The lowest result was observed in the reading proportion, where only 2% of the asked boys said they were interested in that activity.  
  
The most popular activity across the girls was the dancing with proportion of about 27%. The reading was found to be interesting by 1/5 of the girlds, whereas the computer games and the netball were very close to each other, scoring results of respectevely 16 adn 15%. As in the boys sector, the listenign to music attracted 10% of the girls and it was surpassed by the gymnastics with only 1 % difference .
Dear Lola  
Let me give you some inputs  
  
girl's ~~prefered~~ preferred culture and leisure activities.  
Even though~~,~~ some  
~~noticable~~ noticeable similarities  
  
It is clear to see that, t he boy's favourite (...) approximately 34% ~~of them sharing that opinion~~ (I did not get the point).  
  
Dear Lola, you are good in term of grammar and the writing's flow. However, I remind you that writing task 1 is not only about mention the data one by one, but also comparing data in order to easy the readers understand what the chart tells. you must compare between charts' boys and woman. for example, you can say that there was same proportion between boys and girls in term of Listening to music, which was10%. Furthermore, your introduction does not describe the chart generally. you need to analyze finding the interesting statement which illustrates whole charts, maybe you could mention that indoor activity is more popular than outdoor activity in both sexes since it had the biggest proportion. Finally, please notice your spelling, you did mistakes  
  
Good Luck
A breakdown of the information about the number of visitors in two different preferences of music on the website in a 15- day period is shown in the line graph. Overall, it is extremely important to bear in mind that all the figures tend to increase. What's more, the number of visitors of Pop parade is the most dominant music website.  
  
Initially, the most popular new music websites is Pop parade, being seen 120,000 visitors. However, apart from a brief fluctuation from day 1 to day 9, the number of visitors on pop parade site increases gradually at over 140,000 in day 10. By contrast, the figure of music choice visitors is just 40,000 in the first day. It is followed by a slight decrease in the following day, the number of music choice visitors remain relatively stable at less than 60,000 visitors per day until day 11.  
  
In sharp contrast to this, the visitor number see pop parade site decline gradually until it overtake the other in day 12, at 100,000. Nevertheless, apart from a brief rise again in day 13, it reaches a peak of over 160,000 and both of figures widen up a gap each other eventually.  
  
*
What's **(It is informal, use also, moreover, furthermore instead)** more, the number (...) is the most dominant music website. **(not always)**  
  
..., being seen **(by)** 120,000 visitors.  
  
... the visitor number see **(of)** pop parade site **(has)** decline**(d)** gradually until it overtake**(overtook)** the other in day ...  
... of figures widen up a gap **(I am not sure but I think it should be "between" here)** each other eventually.  
  
We use preposition *on* with day, not *in*
A breakdown of the information about the proportion of international alumni from the third level of education in several Canadian regions between 2001 and 2006 measured by percent was illustrated in the bar chart. Overall, all regions had the highest percentage in 2006, apart from Alberta.  
  
Initially, there were three provinces that had more than 6%. It was followed by Alberta and British Columbia. Although both regions had more than 4%, Alberta was higher than British Columbia. Surprisingly, Manitoba and Newfound Land & Labrador had a similar percentage at 3 %. This was higher than Ontario where had at 2.5%  
  
In 2006, a more detailed looked at the bar reveals that there were only three areas getting more than one out of ten consists of New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, and British Columbia. This was followed by Quebec at around 8%. After that, Manitoba and Newfound Land & Labrador had a similar percent at roughly 7%. Then, Ontario had 6%, while Alberta occupied in the last position at approximately 4%.  
  
*
Hi there.. Your writing is great but there are some correction that I think will make it better.  
try to make sure for SV issue..  
keep spirit!  
  
~~measured by percent~~  
*measured in percentage*  
  
~~was illustrated~~  
*is illustrated*  
  
~~Alberta was higher than British Columbia.~~  
Alberta was higher number of alumni than British Columbia.  
  
... had a similar percentage at(comma) 3 %.  
  
~~This was higher than Ontario where had at 2.5%~~  
*This was by far higher than Alumni in Ontario where had at just 2,5%*  
  
~~... had similiar percent~~  
*had a similiar pattern*
Hi Ryan, Hope you are doing well  
Here is my contribution toward your essay.  
1.First of all, I think you should use more linking verb.To me, It seems several sentences that just put together in one or two paragraph.  
  
2.I wouldn't use " Surprisingly."Try "interestingly " or something similar  
3.measured by percent =>Mesured in percentage  
4.you used past tense to explain something about the graph. I suggest using present simple to explain facts  
  
Good job ,Keep it up and please help me to improve my writing as well.
A breakdown of the information about the proportion change in number of international student graduating from Canadian province universities for a five-year period, started in 2001 is described in the given bar chart. Overall, it was clear that more students were graduated in Canadian tertiary education in 2006. While the number of graduated scholars was decline in Alberta.  
  
To begin, New Brunswick became the most popular Canadian province chosen by students to take their tertiary education, while Ontario is the least famous one. By 2006, an incline of number was seen in the former university by just over a half and the latter third-level education had risen by the same value.  
  
Although nearly all Canadian provinces had upward trends and increased by a half in term of the number of international student graduates, only Alberta showed the decrement for the number of international alumni and it is decreased by around 2%.  
  
*
Hi Nurul,  
Frankly, your writing is great but there are some correction that I think will make it better.  
  
By 2006, an incline of number THAT was seen in the ...  
  
... of international alumni and it ~~is~~WAS decreased by around 2%.Other proportions were unsurprised trend.  
  
*Try to at least write 2 sentences for each paragraph.*  
  
KEEP WRITING :)
**The education you receive from your family is more important than the education you receive from school.  
To what extend do you agree with this statement and why ?**  
  
Today children are upbringing and learning in a big society and Besides this, two straightforward way are family and school. A bunch of people say that family teaching is more notable, however other people argue that school is much more important. I share opinion on that family is more striking as I shall go on to show.  
  
Firstly, youngster learn from their parents before they go to school and learn there. As a result of that they are formed by family first and this makes fundamental of their manner. If parents do not care about this period of time commitment of crime may will be raising.  
  
Secondly, juvenile spend as fewer time as they do in home which means there are a lot of routine to learn more than in school and this is because family is more important and they might better have good plan to direct children to god way with appropriate attitudes.  
  
Furthermore, because of all different culture and variety of behavior that someone can face with at school, so education from school can be efficient and to point out other part of children construct in school.  
  
To conclude, I believe that family nurture is much more notable than school, yet it can lead to bad result if either parents or government have plan to teach all things children need.
hai danial  
you have a great writing  
let me give you some corrections  
hope it helps  
**1. make sure the words at least 250 since this writing only 223 words**  
  
I share an opinion on that family is more striking ~~as I shall go on to show.~~  
  
Firstly, the youngster learns from their parents ...  
  
As a result of that, they are formed by ~~family first~~immediate family and this makes ...  
  
... about this period of the time commitment of crime may ~~will~~ be raising.  
  
Secondly, juvenile spend as fewer time as ...  
secondly, juvenile spend much time in house rather than in school. it appears to be true that there are a lot of learn routines in the home.  
  
thanks
Danial, I would say that your task achievement score would be 4 in this instance. Mostly because you did not clearly present the overview of the prompt, you did not cover the key features of the discussion, and finally, your opening statement came across as unclear. Your coherence and cohesion might score around a 5 because, while there is a sense of coherence and cohesion, there is a lack of overall progression in the essay. You failed to use transition sentences between paragraphs. The transition sentences create the cohesive part of the essay as it connects one paragraph to another in terms of discussion and common points. The Lexical Resource could score no more than a 3 when you consider that there is a clear lack of ability to form understandable sentences. Grammatical range and accuracy might share the same score because errors in grammar and punctuation do not reflect the proper sentiment of the writer. That is mostly because of your lack of English speaking and writing ability. Not to worry though, you should improve over time provided you have constant practice.
Hector Gracia as Psychologist wants to help people suffering PTSD. Nowadays, this can be eliminated since a research released that treatments actually get rid of symptoms. Furthermore, it turns out, the using of PTSD for military and preparing war. Warriors enable to use the devastating weapon, while good at applying the sophisticated training methods. However, they do not have any preparation to go home. The reason for this is their traumatic about the war. It is different than erasing memory because veterans always remember about that war, yet with a little training , those memories are no longer painful as they once were. The best treatment of ending human suffering caused by war is to never go to war. Eventually, scientists should give a reflected that there are a lot of beautiful places to back home and also change the mindset of a soldier to go home.  
  
source : ted.