dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Nda, you will immediately have failed in the task accuracy portion of this essay. The reason behind the failed score is because you misrepresented the summary of the prompt that you were provided with. Nowhere in the prompt was there a referral specifically to education with regards to living in big cities. Therefore, you have changed the topic for discussion of the essay, which would result in an overall failure to discuss the prompt.  
  
Notice that you refer constantly to the benefits and drawbacks of education in the big city. Why did you do that? You were being asked to discuss the varying opinions based upon the "general" discussion of living in the city. When I say that the discussion is "general", I mean that you should have presented a discussion that does not focus on a particular topic. Instead, it offers non-specific information which is still relevant to the discussion. It should not be influencing the reader to develop an opinion about a specific topic. That is why you failed in the discussion. You created a specific topic for discussion in the prompt rather allowing the reader to consider all factors related to the discussion sans a particular focus. An example of a general discussion would relate to the urban lifestyle in the city as opposed to the laid back or countryside lifestyle of non-urban dwellers. That is general enough in terms of discussion to pass the essay requirement.  
  
I would like to suggest that you create a general discussion of the prompt and have us review a prompt adherent response instead. If I were to review this essay based on the scoring bracket, you will definitely get major failing scores based upon the lack of prompt adherence.
**Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Smoking is considered to be an insidious killer. It has great detrimental effects on both smokers and non-smokers. As such, certain individuals believe that smoking should be banned in public settings. I believe that smoking has harmful effects, so it should be prohibited.  
  
There are numerous reasons that bolster the notion that smoking should be banned in public places. Firstly, it triggers an uncomfortable situation such as a loathsome smelling to individuals who set nearby smokers. Public areas are seen as a perfect place to people gather and entertain their leisure time and breathe pure air. Another reason, it causes chronic diseases such as cancer. Non-smokers are more likely to be infected by cancer when they seat beside smokers. It has negative effects on human's health. Third reason, in public areas, smokers frequently throws their lit cigarettes in different areas and do not concentrate what will occur. Lighted cigarettes usually pose fires. In the aftermath of fires, public places will be destroyed by fires. As result, they prevent people to assemble in these settings. Smoking should be prohibited because it has adverse impacts on non-smokers.  
  
However, Opponents of such a ban argue against it for several reasons. Firstly, each individual has a freedom to seat or carry out favorite activities in public areas. Therefore, smokers have a right to smoke tobacco in such settings. Non-smokers do not require to seat around smokers. Consequently, they do not disturb non-smokers. Second reason, exposing to smoking for a short period of time has no side effects on non-smokers. As such, non-smokers have the ability to conduct various activities with smokers in public places.  
  
In conclusion, smoking has disgusted smelling and cause harmful consequences to healthy individuals, so it should be banned.
**Hi Rasam..  
I have read your essay and have willing to give you a few suggestions. In this moment, I focus on your contents in this writing.**  
  
*Actually, I am pleased to read your introduction because you successfully paraphrase the statement by using your own sentences. You might only need understanding about use of linking words.*  
  
As such, certain individuals  
You rewrite to become HENCE, CERTAIN INDIVIDUALS...  
*Besides that, you can get a higher score on condition that you mentioned negative effects what you showed in the thesis statement. It will help readers to imagine what you explain in the body paragraph.*  
  
Public areas are seen as a perfect place  
Public areas should be seen as....  
(make sure what you write is what you want to say.)  
  
It has negative effects on human's health  
*It should be replaced by the scientific fact or your personal experience to support your view previously.*  
  
Lighted cigarettes usually pose fires. In the aftermath of fires, public places will be destroyed by fires.  
*This seemed as layman's opinion because you did not elucidate with the logic flow. It is not enough strong to be the effect of smoking in the public areas.*  
  
*When I turned to your second body paragraph, I was surprised because you actually explained reasons why some people disagree. I reckoned you would show your agreement firmly. In the next term, you are supposed to show disagreement opinion in the thesis statement to display clearly that you will review two views in the body paragraph.*  
  
**Please, review my notes to improve your skill in the next essay.  
Keep writing  
GOOD LUCK**
Hi rasam, these are my thought towards your essay  
  
firstly, you have a good essay and good paraphrase too.  
however, there are several alternative sentence that i believe will make your essay better  
  
Public areas are seen as a perfect ...  
[Public areas should be seen as a perfect place for people to gather and entertain their leisure time and also to breathe pure air.]  
  
... chronic diseases such as cancerdue to the fact that Non-smokers are more likely to ...  
[ i think it would be better if you use a linking word between this sentences ]  
  
Third reason, in public areas, **smokers**frequently throws their lit  
... do not concentrate ON what will occur.  
  
the major issue of your essay is : your essay lack of example ( it could be scientific example or your own experiences)  
  
thank you
**IELTS TASK 1 - BAR CHARTS INFORMATION ON THE GLOBAL SALE HYBRID VEHICLES BETWEEN 2006 AND 2009.**  
  
The chart compares the three countries in term of the sale volume of hybrid vehicles around the world in four years, from 2006 to 2009.  
  
Overall, it is clear that the proportion of sales for each of the three countries changed. While the figure for the US was far higher than in the other countries over the period, the figure for Japan hit the highest position in the last year.  
  
In 2006, the US sold vehicles five times more than the other, the number of sales was 2,50,000, it then rose to 3,50,000 which is highest sales for the period. For flowing years it remained higher than the rest of two except in 2009, at which it saw a fall to well below 3,00,000.  
  
However, the figures for Japan and other were almost same at the beginning of period. Both the number continued to increase for the next two years from 50.000, but the growth of Japan was little bit less compared to other until 2008. After that the abrupt rise was in the proportion of sale of Japan from 200,000 in 2008 to just below 3, 50,000 in 2009, while other had experience a trivial increase.  
  
*
**HI Syeda.  
These are my corrections to offer improvement for your writing. Please, meet my notes and review them.  
Keep writing  
GOOD LUCK**  
  
Overall, it is clear that the proportion of sales for each of the three countries changed  
*You should avoid writing overview like that because it seemed hackneyed sentences. As we know generally, there are changes certainly. It will look at meaningless sentences. You are supposed to show key features.*  
  
I wanna offer the alternative overview.  
*Overall, it is important to note that sale of the hybrid transportations for US had been the most popular in the global market generally, except in the last period. While the amount of sales for those vehicles had experienced a small fluctuation, both other figures had increased progressively.*  
  
In 2006, the US sold vehicles VIRTUALLY five times more than ~~the~~ BOTH other REGIONS, ~~the number of sales was~~ RECORDING AT 250,000 ITEMS~~,~~. it then rose to 3,50,000 ~~which is~~ REPRESENTED AS BY FAR THE highest sales for the period. ~~For flowing years~~ FOR FOLLOWING ONE YEAR, it remained higher than the rest ...  
  
However, ~~the figures~~ THE RATES OF SELLING THE VEHICLES for Japan and other were almost same ~~at~~ IN the beginning ~~of~~ period. Both the numberS continued to increase (...) of Japan was A little bit less ...  
  
..., while other had experienceD a trivial increase.
**Some people believe famous people's support towards international aid organizations draws attention to problems. Others think celebrities make the problems less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
Many people believe that the involvement of well-known people in international aid organisations attracts the attention of the problem. Meanwhile, others suppose that the participation of famous people downplays the significance of the problem. I would argue that famous people's support provides the numerous and positive changes to the society.  
  
On the one hand, famous people can make the problem less important. One of the reasons is that some people often consider that the main purpose of celebrities' support is a way to enhance their reputations. Therefore, to attract the attention of the community, some famous people attempt to be involved in as many volunteer projects as possible without any particular passion or interest in those. Moreover, every work in the effort of international aid corporations could be trivialised since the concentration of followers can be shifted away from endeavours to the fame and the image of specific characters concerned. This change possibly creates a concerned question to the public about their motivates.  
  
On the other hand, I firmly believe that international aid organisations' activities can be more effortless thanks to the association of celebrities. Firstly, they have a huge number of fans who are inspired by their actions. For instance, Phan Anh, a well-known M.C in Vietnam, encouraged thousands of youngsters joined his project as well as charities in locals by donating money and working as volunteers supporting flood victims in the central part of Vietnam. Secondly, celebrities are usually trusted by the society; that may lead to a rise of the profile of international aid. Hence, it could be easy to organisations appeal more people to donate money, work as a volunteer to help either practically or in fund-raising.  
  
In conclusion, although there are some drawbacks of celebrity cooperation to international aid organisations, it seems to me that it brings more benefits for the community when they take part in voluntary activities.  
  
Dear all, please help me to correct the essay and evaluate band score for it. Thanks in advance!
Hi Kaun. I will be scoring your essay based on the 4 band score criteria. I hope that you will also take note of the improvements I will be suggesting to you for the improvement of your work. It is really important that you try to improve your written skills because you have the talent and English writing skills to do so. It just requires practice and self improvement on your part.  
  
Task Accuracy - 4 - You covered most of the bases in your summary. There was a slight prompt deviation when you based your personal opinion on positive changes to society rather than the contribution the celebrity can make to the cause he is championing for under the international organization. Consider also that you only presented the discussion as to why people think that celebrities make a cause seem less important. From there, you went immediately to your opinion and forgot to discuss the opinion of people who think that celebrities help the cause they support. Review the prompt, you should have discussed 3 sides in the essay. The supporting, non-supporting, and your personal opinion.  
  
Coherence and Cohesion - 6 - the discussion you present shows that you have the ability to think logically in English and also present an acceptable, although sometimes confusing discussion. The confusion comes from the wrong English term use so that will have an effect on your lexical score.  
  
Lexical Resource - 6 - You could have scored higher had you used the correct terms. For example, you used the word motivates when what you really wanted to say was motives. Motivates means taking action while motives are the reason you are motivated to take action.  
  
Grammatical range and accuracy - 6 - I believe that you have shown an intermediate to semi-advanced knowledge of the English language. You are capable of creating understandable arguments in English and you offer clear explanations for your stance, even though there are some sentence structure mistakes.  
  
Overall, I believe that, if you continue to write in this manner, you will be able to pass this section of the IELTS test.
Hi Kaun, before I present you with a few direct remarks to enhance your essay, I would like to let you know that I may not be able to provide you with an IELTS rate as this is a forum and I'm not a licensed IELTS reviewer, however, when it come to how you managed to answer the prompt, use the proper words in the sentence and how you execute the language, I would give you an 8 out of 10. Now, please find a few suggestions below;  
  
- attracts ~~the attention of the~~a certain problem. - provides ~~the~~ numerous and positive changes to the society.  
  
- On ~~the~~ one hand, famous people  
- purpose of celebrities~~'~~( the word "celebrities" does not require an apostrophe as it is the plural form of the word "celebrity" )  
  
- support is a way to enhance their reputation~~s~~ .  
- passion or interest ~~in those~~ .  
- Moreover, every work in the effort of providing international aid corporations  
- and the image of the specific character~~s~~ concerned. -This change possibly creates a ~~concerned~~ question to the public  
- about their ~~motivates~~motivations .  
  
There you have it Kaun, I hope the above remarks are meaningful to your revision and for future writing reference, mind the construction of your sentences and make sure you don't miss on the minor details that completes your sentences.
*please help to know my mistake and mark in 4 criterion in writing task 2: task achievement, coherence and cohesion,  
lexical resource, grammatical range and accuracy.*  
  
**These days, people work in more than one job, and often change career several times during their life. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?**  
  
In rapidly changing business world, there has a tendency among employees to rotate their job frequently in their professional life. Even some of them is more likely to do several jobs. It is argued that this tendency has certain benefits and drawbacks. This essay will firstly, discuss the way of finding passionate job as one of the main positive side of this and secondly, outline the misleading for achieving the main career goal.  
  
Job rotation is regarded as one of the finest ways of findings one's passion. It allows one to understand which one is suitable for one's career. If someone involve in freelancing and he has an experience on photography as well as a managers of enterprise, so later on he can analysis which one is the best choice of his career to achieve his long term target. In addition to this, maybe this way he will be sound financially and mentally for the rest of his life.  
  
However, the high risk of losing ultimate career goals is the main downside of changing job frequently in the professional life. Actually doing in more than one job bring new opportunities as well as threats. This threat may impact adversely among employees; they then may lose their motivation to give their best performance. As consequences of this, people will be distracted from their ultimate targets. if they fall such situation ,so they could not to restart their life spontaneously.  
  
In conclude, the alteration of jobs in the career life has been an effect that could be positive or negative in employees'' aim in professional tracks. It is common argument its positive effect how much more than negative one. I believe that before changing job one should analysis the risk factors related to this.  
  
Thanks in advance :-)
**The picture reveals the steps of processing of chocolate using cacao beans.**  
  
Overall, it is clear that there are several stages of chocolate production, beginning with the collection of ripe red pods from cacao trees. The next step shows some preparation for seeds packaging before sending to the factory. The process ends with liquid chocolate production.  
  
The process starts with collecting with ripe red pods from the cocoa trees, which are grown in America, Africa, and Indonesia. Cacao beans then are harvested from each pod which contains several beans. They are fermented and also dried by sun heat. After that those are packaged in a number of sacks and transported to the factory by the train or lorry.  
  
After reaching the factory, there is roaster for roasting the beans under 350 degrees centigrade. In the next stage, beans are crushed in machine, which have three blades for removing outer shell. The final stage of this process is the pressing inner parts of the beans in order to get liquid. Thus, liquid chocolate are produced steps-by-steps.  
  
*
Hi Syeda, below are my thoughts on your analysis.  
  
- The ~~picture~~diagram (- is the right word when it comes to writing an analysis ) reveals the steps of processing ~~of~~ chocolate ~~using~~with the use of cacao beans.  
  
- ~~beginning~~it begins with the collection of  
- red ripe ~~red~~ pods from cacao trees.  
- The next step shows ~~some~~the preparation  
- ~~for~~of seeds for packaging  
- before sending it to the factory.  
- The process ends with the production of liquid chocolate ~~production~~ .  
  
There you have it Syeda, as you can see, there's still quiet a few enhancements to be done in your essay and this is focused on the input of your words in your sentences, meaning, you have to be careful in constructing your sentences.
Syeda, congratulations on writing up a very accurate and understandable illustration summary. Your opening statement was pretty clear and gave the reader a logical representation of the discussion that is to follow. One thing though, in the second paragraph you used the same wording to explain the first step in the process as the sentence in the opening statement, In order to show a larger lexical resource, try to paraphrase or present in an original sentence the content of your essay, even when you have already previously presented the information. You want to score as highly as possible in terms of vocabulary and word usage in order to increase your final score. Your overall work in this essay summary shows your growth as a writer and a higher degree of analysis and grasp of the English language in relation to your written work. Excellent work. Keep it up !
Airbnb, the company which shook up the world particularly hotel industry because it has sophisticate apps to connecting people who want traveling to many place with people who has house or apartment for rent to them. Recently, the company introduced the new service called airbnb trips. What is that? If previous airbnb just for rent their house but now it also can make owner house became tour guide or host for client. Unfortunately, this service currently implemented only in 12 cities, but the company promised will launched until 50 cities next year.
Alfin, your grammar in this essay is horrendous. Due to the grammatical problems, your summary really causes extreme discomfort for the reader. It is hard to assess what it is that you are actually supposed to be saying in this summary because you did not provide a copy of the article that you read either in an uploaded file or a supplied link. The first problem with your summary is that your first sentence is extremely long which makes it difficult to read. You could have split that into 2 sentences. The first sentence could have introduced the company and the second, could explain the app and its functions. While the latter part of the essay is understandable, the lack of proper grammar really forces the reader to reorganize your sentence in his brain, quietly, in order to make sense of what you are trying to say. While it would seem that all of the important information is in the summary, the disorganized presentation makes one consider if all of the important information is really presented. I guess we cannot tell unless you provide us with a way to access the original article.
Hello Alfin, let me give my correction for you  
  
... traveling to many ~~place~~places(becauses "many" indicate plural noun)  
  
people who ~~has~~have the house ("people" indicate plural noun so use "have" verb and must use article "the" for house or apartemet"  
  
called ~~airbnb~~ Airbnb trips.  
  
If the previous ~~airbnb~~ Airbnb (need article "the" and the name of place or instrument or vehicle must write on capital size in first letter)  
  
owner house became the tour guide (need article "the")  
  
company promised will ~~launched~~launch until 50 cities next year (after modal is V1)  
  
thank you
Airbnb, the company which shook up the world particularly hotel ...**TOO LONG AND INACCURATE SENTENCE. BESIDES, IT IS HARD TO UNDERSTAND WHILE THE WAY YOU COMPOSED IT IMPEDE COMMUNICATION**  
**YOU MAY WRITE:**  
A company, Airbnb, shook up the world, particularly hotel industry, because its sophisticated apps that connecting people who want to travel to many places with those house or apartment owners who want to rent their property  
  
...... ~~the~~ A new service called airbnb trips.  
~~What is that?~~ If THE previous ~~airbnb~~**[CONCERN ON CAPITALIZATION ISSUE]** just for rent ~~their~~**[THIS REFER TO?]** houseS **[NEED COMMA]**~~but~~ , now it also ~~can make~~ OFFERS A CHANCE FOR THE ~~owner~~ house OWNERS TO ~~became~~ BECOME tour guide or host for THEIR client.  
  
-Unfortunately, this service currently IS implemented only (...) company HAS promised THAT THEY will launc~~hed~~ IT ~~until~~ FOR UPP TO 50 cities next year.  
  
**many issues you need to concern on, the first and the most severe is about accuracy and meaning of your sentence**
Hi Alfin, here's another one from my end.  
  
- Airbnb, the company ~~which~~that shook ~~up~~ the - world particularly the hotel industry  
- because it has sophisticated apps  
- to connect~~ing~~ people who want to travel~~ing~~ to  
- for rent to them~~. R~~, r ecently, ~~the company~~ introduced  
- ~~the~~a new service called airbnb trips.  
- What is that? ~~If previous~~ Airbnb was  
- just ~~for~~to rent their house  
- but now it ~~also~~ can also make the owner of the house  
- beco me a tour guide or host for client. - Unfortunately, this service is currently implemented only in 12 cities,  
- but the company promised it will be launched ~~until~~ 50 cities next year.  
  
There you have it Alfin, a little bit more work needed and keep writing.