dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
There is only one bar chart presented, use the singular form of the word instead of the plural form. 2 separate images of the same kind would be "bar charts". One image with several bars in it references a single "bar chart". The summary overview should include the measurement used and the 4 types of trash collected. The trending statement is singular. The "overall" statement is the trend. The "moreover" is unnecessary. The rest of the presentation is acceptable. However, you have written too many words for a 20 minute task. You should be writing between 175-190 words only since you still have to proof read and improve the content of your presentation before submitting it. Do not believe anybody who tells you to just keep writing so you can score higher. Writing more causes more forced errors and also, endangers your ability to complete the writing within the allotted time frame.
***Some people say that schools should concentrate on teaching students academic subjects that will be useful for their future careers. Other people say that subjects such as music and sports are also necessary.***  
  
## Discuss both view and give your own opinion.

  
  
It is believed that teaching academic subjects should be the principal approach of schools to prepare students for better jobs in their future, while alternative subjects such as music and sports should also be included in the curriculum. Both viewpoints are justifiable, but I personally lean towards the latter.  
  
oOn the one hand, academic subject indeed significant. In fact, it is the bulk of the best way to have a good career after graduation. Such as math, science and language, whose performance is placed heavy emphasis on education and employers alike.  
  
oOn the other hand, it is claimed that non-academic subjects cannot be discounted altogether. Having said that, they may not be directly helpful in securing employment, they indirectly make a candidate more employable. For instance, the person, who learn how to sing or play a musical instrument could bring benefits for students in networking events or have job promotions. Another compelling reason why non-academic subjects should be taught in school is that it allows talented student in athletic and artistic fields to be discovered. In addition to this, non-academic could bring benefits to students as they help them to improve their strength to work under pressure after a nerve cracking semester or they could expand their professional network by playing sports with their colleagues or partners.  
  
oIn conclusion, I reckon that academic subjects should be given precedence in school, but it is also important that students should learn another subjects such as music and sport.
You missed the minimum word count bythismuch. Only a few more words to go and you would have avoided percentage score penalties for a few words. That is too bad. Yes, even if you are missing only 7 words (as in this presentation), word deductions will still be made for that shortcoming. That will really have your essay start at a TA score disadvantage, which can pull down your overall score to failing, in most instances. Let's review the rest of the essay.  
  
Based on the way that you presented your prompt restatement, you should be using the 5 paragraph version for this essay. You cannot place your opinion in the concluding paragraph for formatting reasons. I will explain that later. In the meantime, I have to show you the proper format for this presentation, based, like I said, on the thesis presentation in the prompt restatement. It should look like this:  
  
Par. 1: Restatement + Opinion  
Par. 2: Discuss the first point of view with explanations based on public opinion using third person references (alternative is public opinion + personal opinion of the public opinion)  
  
Par. 3: Discuss the second point of view via third person pronouns (Alternative: + Personal opinion of the second public point of view)  
Par. 4: A full explanation of your personal opinion  
Par. 5: Concluding summary.  
  
Your discussions are not properly developed. The first public point of view is not properly discussed and presented. It will lower your C&C score due to an under developed paragraph presentation. It does not explain itself very well and limits the understanding of the reader because of the lack of information in the paragraph.  
  
Your C&C will further be lowered by the reasoning only topic presentation in the next paragraph. You failed to properly convince the reader, using proper explanations, reasons, and examples to prove the point of the public in support of this opinion. When you do not properly explain and develop your topic sentences, the paragraph becomes under explained and under developed, further reducing your overall score.  
  
Finally, the concluding paragraph. You presented your personal opinion as the closing statement, creating an open ended presentation. There is no wrap up or summary presentation of the properly developed discussion points for all 3 points of view. So this essay will really have a highly difficult time receiving a passing score. Why? Aside from the errors I pointed out, you also have sentence structure errors and grammar problems that will further reduce your LR and GRA scores. Overall, the essay will not get a passing score.
**Task** :  
## People living in large cities today face many problems in their everyday life.

  
***What are these problems? Should governments encourage people to move to smaller regional towns?***  
  
Task performance  
  
In the context of the megatrend of urbanisation, people tend to move to major cities in hope of having a better life. However, they are now confronted with many daily problems. This essay will discuss two of these problems which justifies why I believe that governments should motivate people to turn to live in suburban areas.  
  
Everyday, people living in big cities constantly have to deal with high living costs and low air quality. The former problem may be the consequence of the nonstop advance of living condition in the city. Therefore, to gain a better life, people have to earn a living to cover their basic expenses such as housing, food, healthcare and utility bills which are often much higher than in other regions. Some people may not be able to earn enough money to make ends meet and have to live in narrow, uncomfortable spaces and suffer from poor life. The latter one is partly due to the greater volume of industrial fumes and exhaustion from vehicles, especially during rush hours. This is the reason why people in big cities like Beijing are more likely to suffer from a variety of respiratory problems related to air contamination.  
  
In my opinion, city residents should be encouraged to move to regional areas. Firstly, costs of living in these regions are much cheaper so that they can afford to pay for a more comfortable life. This as well relieves the pressure on housing supply in cities where many people are forced to live in very narrow accommodation. Moreover, if people move away from metropolises, the population density in these cities will be decreased, which leads to lower volumes of vehicles, critically reducing the levels of air pollution.  
  
To conclude, I can firmly say that high living expenses and air contamination are among the most prevalent problems facing city residents these days. To gradually solve these problems, I believe that governments should motivate people to move to suburban and satellite cities.  
  
I am looking forwards to your comments. Thank you for your reading!
You only needed the last 2 sentences for your thesis statement. You did not need to add the first sentence because it does not contain any information from the original prompt. You just used it to make your essay longer, which did not add any substance to your presentation anyway. Rather, you altered the original information presentation so expect to receive penalties for including that sentence in the presentation.  
  
Your second paragraph is just confusing to read due to the first 2 sentences. It is repetitive, without any actual information that could help progress the discussion. You only need 5 sentences per paragraph, that makes sense to the reader.  
  
However, you did a good job with the third paragraph presentation and your conclusion. So just pay attention to the errors I pointed out, do not repeat it in the next essay, and you should do just fine. You have the potential to write good essays that can get good scores. So focus on the important part. Stay within the 275-290 word count to help you create better discussion paragraphs.
**Task 2:  
*Some cities create housing for their growing population by providing taller buildings. Other cities create housing by building on wider areas of land.*  
## Which solution is better?**  
  
The increasing population results in the greater need of buildings in cities. Some cities expand their housing vertically, which means they build higher houses. Others widen their lands for the purpose of creating housing. From my point of view, both of these measures are great.  
  
Taller buildings mean more and more lands saved. Therefore, people can build a larger number of buildings, which are used for various purposes such as recreational centers, shopping malls or private ownerships. However, each floor of this type of buildings is not very spacious. For example, a lot of blocks of apartments in Hanoi is limited by space and is considered suitable for a couple rather than a family.  
  
Unlike the former solution, expanding the areas of land allows people to have more space to design their own creative properties. For instance, people live in the flats can only have a humble garden in the balcony while the owners of private houses can own a large-sized garden with various types of plants. However, this method of creating house has disadvantages that fewer people can possess an ownership because it requires a greater use of land.  
  
In conclusion, creating taller buildings and widening the areas of land have pros and cons as mentioned above.  
\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_  
*After reviewing, I can see I make a lot of errors and may not meet the first scoring criterion which is task response. But I still want to keep it as raw as possible so that I could see where I am. I'm dying for your comments and your scoring. Thank you so much.*
You have bigger problems than your TA failure. The essay will never pass because, you not only failed to properly address the prompt, but you also failed to write the minimum number of words. You have to write at least 250 words to get the minimum passing consideration within the scoring meters for each section. In this case, you will receive a percentage deduction for the TA score based on the missing 42 words. Add up the word count situation and the improper task response and your essay will begin at such a low TA mark, there is absolutely no way you can get even close to a passing score.  
  
Then there is the problem of the conclusion. You need to write at least 40 words, composed of at least 2 sentence for this section. That means 20 words per sentence at a minimum. Failure to present the proper format will also result in additional TA penalties in this section. You failed to show a proper reverse paraphrase of the given discussion. Anyway, all of these observations are moot since you failed immediately in the first paragraph anyway, which led to failing discussion paragraphs, and so on and so forth. You get the picture. You admitted having observed the errors yourself.
1. " *From my point of view, both of ...*". I think you should use this instead : " From my point of view, each measure has its own benefits and drawbacks which will be discussed in this essay."  
  
2. The conclusion is quite short and general.  
" In conclusion, there are many ways to create accommodation for city residents. Whether by constructing higher houses or by finding a spacious area, there should be both pros and cons that worth considering. Choosing which way to build house should depend on the city's situation and the demand of its residents."  
  
Above are just my own objective opinions. Thank you for reading!
***Most countries have traditional celebrations that occur annually.***  
## In your opinion, what benefits do these celebrations have for societies?

  
  
Tradition is a belief, behavior, and custom inherited from the past, which either has symbolic meanings or significant importance to society. Therefore, a great deal of traditional events is celebrated annually around the globe. However, the more modern our world becomes, the more these special festivals degenerated. This problem can obliterate the many benefits traditional celebrations have brought about to one's society.  
  
Celebrations of culture provide individuals a sense of identity. They not only answer the question of citizens' origins but they also remind citizens of what or who have shaped their lives. The people in my country, Vietnam, for instance, take great importance in celebrating the Hung King Temple festival. In this special event, everyone will commemorate Hung Kings-the founder of the Vietnam nation and after that, getting involved in a diversity of folk games such as bamboo swing, rice cooking competitions, or lion dance. Vietnamese people are reminded that owing to Hung Kings' efforts and labors, they are able to lead a well-of life in this day and age.  
  
Another sizeable value of cultural celebrations is that they educate us on things like freedom and benevolence, and help us pass on our cultural or religious history. In this aspect, Vietnamese people have Giong Festival, which is to commemorate Saint Giong, one of the four Vietnamese immortals. This event helps us remember the heroin battle of Saint Giong and his people, Van Lang, against foreign enemies in order to protect Vietnamese's freedom and rights.  
  
To summarize, no matter how diverse traditional celebrations are, they all serve the same purpose: being the underpinning of one's society. Thus, disregarding them can bring about severe problems and disadvantages.  
  
*Thanks for your reading and opinions in advance*
There was no need to define traditions at the start of this essay. It actually did not help your presentation because you added information rather than simply restating the original topic and discussion points. The first paragraph for this essay should have only covered:  
  
Sentence 1: Restated topic (in your own words using synonyms)  
Sentence 2: Reason for the discussion  
Sentence 3: Your opinion indicating the benefits of traditions for societies  
  
The original prompt always tells you how many sentences to write. Count the representations. In this case, the original prompt shows:  
- Topic (traditions)  
- Reference ( occurs annually)  
- Discussion ( opinion about benefits)  
  
As I showed you above, you have to outline the discussion first. Analyze how the discussion should be presented per paragraph before you start typing. Outlining and drafting the content are very important to the TA scoring section.  
  
You did a very good job in the discussion presentation. Each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, reason, example, and supporting statements. All of which helped to create a properly developed paragraph. You should score well in the C&C section because of the efficiency of your discussion.  
  
In the conclusion. You should not have changed the discussion instruction from the original presentation. By saying there can be severe problems and disadvantages, you are not properly representing the reverse paraphrase. You need to simply restate the discussion points from the original prompt and your opinion presentation to complete the concluding presentation. The problems with your introduction and conclusion will work together to lower your TA score. So your final score may not be as high as it can be because the TA score will start off at a lower score than previously expected.
*I appreciate every advice*  
  
***In many parts of the world children and teenagers are committing more crimes.***  
## Why is this happening and how should they be punished?

  
  
Juvenile delinquency is an urgent issue recently because the number of children getting involved in crime is on the rise. Various causes lead to this but I suggest that school environments take a major role in this issue. Additionally, in this essay, I personally will offer some proper punishments for teenager lawbreakers, which I hopefully might help improve the situation.  
  
Lack of related crime knowledge and pressures from peer friends lead to easily violating the law. Generally, many schools do not provide their students with comprehensive information about criminal topics, such as the prevalent reasons to impulse children getting involved in crime as well as the ways to avoid it and also the harsh punishments for those who offend. Not having proper awareness, young people join in criminal activities without knowing that they will have to face many severe troubles down the roads. Besides that, the desire to be accepted in a group and receive protection from their group compels children to join gangs at an early age. This is because they fear being victims of school bullying. As a member of a gang, youngsters are more likely to violate the law, such as drug trafficking or alcohol and drug use.  
  
Teaching young offenders with an iniquitous cognizance about making judicious decisions is the most proper punishment in my opinion. This is because if we castigate juvenile delinquents with harsh punishments, such as life imprisonment or death penalty, it might cause an injustice to this young criminals as well arouse offenders' families' indignation. Similarly, being sent to jail and receiving hard living conditions could make prisoners breed resentment and reoffend after being released. Consequently, rehabilitation programs should be carried out thoroughly to prepare young criminals for life after prison. All over the world, some countries allow remission as long as prisoners complete reading and grasping knowledge in a fixed number of books. This has shown a satisfactory result that many prisons re-integrate into society and turn their lives around.  
  
In conclusion, I strongly believe that school and friends considerably influence youngsters' attitude towards crime. By educating and implementing rehabilitation programs, we could mitigate the juvenile crime rate.
The original prompt refers to children and teenagers. In your topic sentence, you only refer to children. There is a missing information point, the teenagers, both must be represented, using synonyms in your presentation. If you are making suggestions for reasons for the crime being committed, it would be better to not mention school environments yet. Mostly because you use the phrase "but I suggest", which means you are uncertain. Unless you can make a definite statement, it would be better not to mention the topic at all.  
  
The first reasoning build up in your reasoning discussion was great. Then it lost cohesiveness when you presented the second reason in the same paragraph. You did not give as complete a reference discussion for that reason in the presentation, causing the paragraph to become under developed. Use one topic at a time to avoid this problem.  
  
Your discussions needs to sound normal. It should not sound like you opened a dictionary and used "big words" in the hopes of impressing the examiner. The natural sound of the discussion, rather than trying to sound intellectual when your grammar for the most part of the presentation is problematic, will only serve to get you a lower LR score. So rather than saying  
  
iniquitous cognizance  
, you should instead, simply say, "Teaching young offenders to recognize when they are breaking the law" or "Teaching young offenders to identify when they are committing a crime..." would have been more effective, believable, and applicable to the presentation. Just because the word or phrase sounds impressive to you as an ESL, does not mean that you are using the word in the proper context. Which is the error you made in this presentation.
***Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best way for the students for their future career . Others think they should leave school as soon as possible to develop their career through work experience.***  
  
## Discuss both views and give your opinion

  
  
A person always finds himself the dilemma when he has to choose his career path . Although some  
Parents think that a college education provides better career perspective, there are proponents of getting a work experience rather than a degree . This essay will discuss both views followed by a conclusion.  
  
On the brighter side , a university provides you with a qualified degree that is the demand for most of the companies . For instance , as soon as you step  
  
In into a company for an interview , the first thing which is asked is your qualification and without a graduation degree , you might get rejected on the spot . In addition to this , a college helps you to enhance your personality In fact academies are coming with personality development programs which can help in boosting the confidence and refine the spoken skills of the students .  
  
On the contrary, when an adults opts for working with professionals,he gets the taste of practical knowledge .A kid who starts working with experience holders from an early age than his peers has an idea of how things done and how to tackle the real professional world problems .  
  
Although universities try to impart practical knowledge in their students by sending them on workshops you can only observe things which I think is of now use . Moreover ,work experience helps professionals who want to start their own business as you would already have plenty of knowledge about the field . Exemplary, if Bill Gates had started Microsoft without any degree .  
  
Concluding the above discussion , even through a college degree is important for some people , a working professional may help you better in your long term prospects .
Why are you mentioning parents as a set of people with a point of view in this discussion? They are not part of the original presentation. The original discussion uses a reference to some people and other people. There is no reference to parents. Do not use references that are not supported by synonym usage or topic discussion reasons in the original presentation. You will lose points for that. You are not being asked to provide a conclusion in this essay, only your point of view. You have created severe prompt deviations in this essay that will end up getting you a failing TA score due to your obvious inability to understand English instructions. That means, that you matter how good your reasoning might be, your essay will not pass the test.  
  
Your GRA will be a failing score because you do not know when you use capital letters in a sentence and when not to. You are oftentimes using capital letters for words that are not proper nouns in the sentence, which is a violation of English grammar rules. I strongly urge you to learn more about proper nouns and word capitalization before you start your next practice essay.  
  
There are no proper references to the 2 public points of view and your personal opinion either. This essay is just so bad, it is definitely not going to pass the test. Start learning the basics of English writing first, then learn how to properly format the Task 2 essays. Do not just keep writing the task 2 essays, you will not learn how to pass the test that way.