dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hi fasidah.  
These below are my view towards your summary. check it out  
  
Camille A. Brown talk~~s~~ ED about A dance, ~~and specializes~~ ESPECIALLY i~~n~~ THE social dance. It is a~~n~~ universal language for ...  
~~It~~ THIS DANCE(Avoid repetition "IT") is not choreographed by ...  
~~It~~ BESIDES THAT, THE ACTIVITY cannot be traced to ...  
As A result, it ~~rose~~ RISES dramatically, changes,.. (You should be consistent for use of the tenses. Camille stated that ~~the~~ HAPPENS IN present always contains the past. Then, she starts to share about the Juba dance w~~hich is~~ from ~~Ensloved~~ ENSLAVED Africans' experts in THE plantation. ~~It was about~~ ITS MOTIVE IS keeping cultural traditions alive and ~~retraining~~ RETAINING a sense of THE inner freedom creativity.  
  
~~It~~ THE DANCE was performed by the ...  
... about Charleston ~~which was~~ famous in 1920s~~.~~ , (you are supposed to know when you place comma or period)  
This kind of dance is suitable ~~with~~ FOR children as i~~t is a fun dance~~ THERE IS EXCITEMENT. All of these dances ~~continue to~~ evolve, grow, and spread CONTINUOUSLY.  
  
... that at present, THE social dance ~~is about~~ RELATES TO community connection. If someone knowS the step, it meant he/ ...  
  
NOTE: Make sure what you write is what you mind. Please, reread your summary before you upload to diminish your fault in grammar and meaning.  
  
Keep Spirit  
Happy Writing
Camille A. Brown ~~talks~~talked about dance, ~~and specializes in~~especially/particularly social dance. It is ~~an~~a universal language for ...  
  
It is also an expression that emerges ...  
monotonous style of writing  
it is a universal language for all people across the globe as an expression that emerges from certain community. in addition, dance can not be traced to any particular moment. Thus, it arises dramatically, changes, and spreads like wildfire  
  
Camille stated that the present time always ~~contains~~related to the past. Then, she ~~starts~~stated to share about the Juba ...  
  
After that, she ~~tells~~talked about Charleston which ...  
This kind of dance is suitable ~~with~~ FOR children as it is a fun dance.  
If someone know the step, it ~~meant~~means he/ she belonged to a group.  
@ Iedha01
The human was created dissimilarly to appreciate, understand and help each other. The disparity of nationality should not make people despise each other. On account of the difference of nations is the power if they can be united.  
  
It was the substance from the Elif Shafak in TED Talk in 2010. This Turkish novelist informed how her childhood experiences helped her to be able to write a fiction well. In the midst of loneliness of her childhood, the spirit of writing was honed.  
  
He then studied at an international school in Madrid, where she was the only Turkish. In their class, there were students from various of nationalities. Unfortunately, the diversity did not always support the creation of a democratic and egalitarian class. Whenever there was something negative befall a nation or a religion, student who became representatives of the country immediately ridiculed, mocked and mocked continuously. She knew this, because when studying there, a military coup had happened in Turkey and a citizen nearly killed Pope by fire a gun.  
  
And finally, Shafak told the story of the Dervishes building a circle outside the circle. They connect all humanity, regardless of identity politics. And she finished the presentation with an old Sufi poem: "Come, let us be friends for once; let us make life easy on us; let us be lovers and loved ones; the earth shall be left to no one."
Hi Pizaro,  
Allow me to give some thoughts related to your TED Summary. I hope you can mind the feedback below.  
  
- ~~The~~Human was created (...) and help each other. (comma needed before "and" if it contains more than two objects/complements)  
- *On account of the difference of nations is the power...*(you can simplify this sentence to make it clearer. For me, it was quite confusing)  
  
- It was **the substance** from the Elif Shafak speech in TED Talk in 2010. (substance of what? I reckon that "speech" is the appropriate word to accompany "substance".)  
  
- ... her childhood experiences helped her to ~~be able to~~ write a fiction novel well.  
- ...the spirit of writing ~~was~~had successfully honed her creativity.  
- ~~He then~~Then, he/she studied at an (...) was the only Turkish in that school . (complicated subject, the correct one he or she?)  
- In **their** class, there were students from various ~~of~~ nationalities. (another complicated pronoun problem. He/she and now "their" How many people are actually there?)  
  
- Whenever there was something negative befalls a nation or a religion...  
- ...a citizen nearly killed Pope by ~~fire a~~shooting his/her gun.  
  
As you can see Pizaro, there are some flaws that you should reduce. I hope you can do better in the next practice :)
**TED : A Simple Way to Break Habit**  
  
In this video, the speaker, Judson Brewer, talked about a step that we can do to avoid the bad habit. First of all, he talked that humans have tendency to do act in positive and negative ways and it is automatically recorded in our brain system. For instance, some people do not want to eat too much because they consider about effect sides such us obesity and blood sugar disease. However, others ignore the risks because of some reasons like taste and daily need. In addition, Judson said that many people tend to near what they are suppose to be prohibition because it gives a big curiosity why I have to avoid this caution. As the result, many people are attracted to try harmful action. Many school children, for example, smoke, though they know that smoking has been restricted as provide many drawbacks especially for health. Then, he talked that mindfulness training is able to help people to reduce their curiosity. This method does not avoid people to do something bad instead. Therefore, it will give experience to them. For example, people can try ciggarette if they want. This situation is going to reduce their desire to smoke, while they will get their own experience about it. In this case, people tend to state that smoking is not good and gives them a lot of drawbacks. People have changed their knowladge to be wisdom and it is going to be guidline for making better life.
Hi Aris Indra..  
These are my thoughts towards your summary.  
  
First of all, he talked that ~~humans~~ PEOPLE *(Actually, humans and people have the same meaning. However, you should avoid using humans if there is an explanation about plants or animal. Human, plants, and animals are the unity. It is about the collocation)* have A tendency to do act...  
  
... because they consider about ITS effectS ~~sides~~ such us obesity and ...  
... because of some reasons like THE taste and daily need.  
... to near what they are supposeD to be prohibition because it gives a big curiosity THAT why I have to ...  
As the result, ~~many~~ A LARGE NUMBER OF people are attracted to try THE harmful action. ~~Many school children~~ A GREAT NUMBER OF STUDENTS, for example, smoke(...) been restricted as IT provideS many drawbacks ...  
  
This method does not ~~avoid~~ HELP people to ~~do~~ AVOID something bad instead.  
For example, people can try ~~ciggarette~~ CIGARETTE if they want.  
In this case, people ~~tend to~~ ARE LIKELY TO (Avoid repetition) state that smoking is ...  
People have changed their ~~knowladge~~ KNOWLEDGE to be MORE wisdom and it is going to beCOME ~~guidline~~ GUIDELINE for making THE better life.  
  
OVERALL, YOU HAVE SHOWN THE BETTER PROGRESS  
GOOD LUCK
The table presented the comparison of Proportions of Pupils Attending Four Secondary School Types Between 2000 and 2009. It is important to notice that almost every school attendance had decreased gradually between 2000 and 2009 except community school which increased gradually between 2000 and 2009  
  
In 2000 Voluntary-controlled Schools had the biggest percentage of school attendance with 52% or more than a half of total school attendance. The second is Grammar School with 24% or less than a quarter of total school attendance. The last, specialist Schools and Community Schools had the lowest percentage of school attendance with 12% or less than a fifth of total School attendance.  
  
In the other hand, in 2009 Community Schools had increased significantly with 58% or more than a half of total school attendance. And Voluntary-controlled Schools had decreased gradually with 20% or a fifth of total school attendance, Grammar School also decreased gradually with 12% or less than a fifth of total school attendance. In the end, Specialist School had the lowest percentage of 10% or just one in ten of total school attendance.  
  
*
Hello Yonatan,  
  
~~It is~~those are [plural] important to notice that ...  
  
In 2000 Voluntary-controlled Schools had [had+v3] shownit the biggest percentage ~~of~~ is school attendance with amount 52% or more ...  
  
~~The second~~ Then,it is Grammar School with ...  
  
~~The last,~~while specialist Schools and Community ...  
  
Hope these help
Hi Yonathan,  
  
here's my analysis towards your report summary of IELTS task 1. I hope this would be helpful.  
  
1st paragraph:  
- The ~~table presented~~presented table depicts the comparison (...) School Types ~~Between~~between 2000 and 2009.  
- Overall, it is important to ~~notice~~note that almost every (...) decreased gradually ~~between 2000 and 2009~~ except community school which moderately increased ~~gradually~~~~between 2000 and 2009~~in a 9-year period.(I did alter some words to AVOID repetition. Repetitive usage of words can lower your band score)  
  
- (I assume that you need one more sentence to cover the general trends of the essay itself. Your mistake was compressing the information into the two sentences you presented.)  
  
2nd paragraph:  
- Don't you realize that this paragraph's structure is predictable and monotonous? Try to read and check again once more.  
  
>>>... percentage of school attendance **with 52% or more than a half** of total school attendance.  
>>>The second is Grammar School **with 24% or less than** a quarter of total ...  
>>>... percentage of school attendance **with 12% or less than a fifth** of total School attendance.  
  
Writing in a monotonous pattern like what you've done would badly damage your score to 5.0 due to "limited range of structures" that you've made. My suggestion is that you can try to vary the sentence structure by reading some IELTS task 1 samples. I hope this helps :)
The table ~~presented~~shows the comparison of ~~Proportions of Pupils Attending~~attending pupils in Four Secondary School ...  
... every school attendance ~~had~~ decreased gradually between 2000 and 2009 ~~except~~but community school which ...  
  
... of school attendance with 52% or more than a half of total school attendance. The second one is Grammar School with 24% or less than a quarter of total school attendance.  
  
... of school attendance with 12% or less than a fifth of total School attendance.  
  
... in 2009 Community Schools ~~had~~ increased significantly with 58% or more than a half of total school attendance.  
... Schools had decreased gradually with 20% or a fifth o f total school (...) also decreased gradually with 12% or less than a fifth of total school attendance.  
  
... lowest percentage of 10% or just one in ten of total school attendance.  
  
the grren one is repetition,,you have to replaced with others,,and not efective explanation
The table represents information about the proportions of pupils attending in four secondary school types in period 2000 and 2009. It is important to notice that Specialist, Grammar, and Voluntary-controlled Schools are programs which desreased gradually in this period. While Community Schools is the only one school that increased dramatically to attend of pupils.  
  
Between 2000 and 2009, there are two schools that dropped steadily to attend by pupils. Specialist and Grammar schools fell slowly from more than one in ten to 10%; and from 24% to 12%. And Voluntary-controlled School dropped dramatically stood at more than a half to a fifth%.  
  
A part of previous comprison, Community school had been a schools to attend by pupils that rose dramatically from more than one in ten in 2000 to more than 32% in 2005. But, the highest rise happened from 32% to less than three-fifths in 2009.  
  
*
Hi Alam,after reading your summary, i have some suggestions, perhaps useful for you.  
1.wrong spelling words  
~~desreased~~ ----> decreased  
~~comprison~~ -----> comparison  
2.Between 2000 and 2009, there ~~are~~ two schools that dropped ...----> there were  
3.While Community Schools is the only ~~one~~ school that increased ... ----> don not need put one  
4.And Voluntary-controlled School dropped (...) half to a fifth~~%~~ .------> use conjunction word such as furthermore,meanwhile
**A Visual History of Social Dance in 25 Moves**  
  
Camille A. Brown talked on TED channel about African social dance which had influenced in the world. This dance had merging social engagement and dance belong to group. Actually, many type of this dance, Brown said more less thirty motions are dancing in African and Afro-American but to make it simply, I took only two examples; Charleston and Hip-hop. Those dance more popular among Africa people. Charleston is complex dance that need more improvisation while hip-hop which it is happening in the world. Teenager until old people are dancing this.  
  
In question is why social dance popular in African? Simply, in past decade, slavery affected suffering to African people. By dance they express and protest which their condition. As result, dance took apart in African movement. As a speaker said, African dance make boundaries blurred.  
  
These dance to express in social relation, intimacy and freedom.  
  
Source: TED Channel
Helo  
Let me help you to correct your summary, here my suggestion  
  
==> This dance ....... dance belong to (a) group.  
==> Actually, many type(s) of this dance, Brown said ~~more~~ less (than) thirty motions are (...) and Afro-American. ~~but~~ ==> (New sentence) ~~to make it simply, I~~(In this case) I (only) took ~~only~~ two examples; Charleston and Hip-hop.  
  
==> Those dance(s) more popular among Africa(n) ~~people~~ .  
==> Charleston is (a) complex dance that need(s) more improvisation while hip-hop which ~~it~~ is happening in the world.  
==> From Teenager to adult like this dance~~until old people are dancing this.~~  
  
==> ~~In question is why social dance ...~~(The question is why is social dance so popular in Africa?)  
==> ... slavery affected suffering to African ~~people~~ .  
==> By ~~dance~~(dancing) they (can) express and protest ...  
==> As result, dance took ....... African dance make(s) boundaries blurred.  
==> These dance (This dance / these dances)(aim) to express ~~in~~(their) social relation, intimacy and freedom.  
  
Good luck and keep fighting  
best regards, Tami :)
The pie charts represent about water usage in San Diego, California and the rest of the world. Overall, San Diego is the region in which have the biggest water usage for residential and California is the region which is the biggest water usage for industry. Different from San Diego and California, Worldwide is the region which is the biggest water usage for agriculture. In San Diego and Worldwide, both of them have the same number water usage for industry.  
  
Resident is the highest user of water in San Diego and California. In San Diego reach three-fifths water usage and California approximately two-fifths. On the other hand, only a very small number water usage by resident in worldwide. Worldwide have a significant proportion of water usage by agriculture. In contrary, Agriculture is the lowest water usage in San Diego approximately 17%. Not only San Diego, but also worldwide have the same percentage of water usage for industry by 23 percent.  
  
*
hello dioba, here i left the comment for you  
  
The pie charts **represent** ==>(you can paraphrase the word with shows, describes, illustrates, intences) about water usage in ...  
Overall, it can be seen that, San Diego is the region in which (...) region which is *the biggest*the highest water usage for industry.  
... have the same number water *usage*utilize for industry.  
On the other hand, ==> (you can paraphrase the word with in spite of that, on the other side) only a very small number ...
Hi dioba. here's my thought  
  
San Diego is the region in which ~~have~~has the biggest water usage  
  
California is the region which ~~is~~consumes the biggest water usage for industry.  
  
On the other hand, only a very small number of water usage utilized by resident in worldwide.  
Sometimes you change the position :  
water usage  
usage of water  
water consumption  
consumption of water  
  
That's it. I wish it could be useful  
Best Regard
Some people consider that forest is plants-covered area. Forest is not only about trees, but there is a intimated network system that connected each other. That statement is appropriate with research discovery by scientist while it present about Pine root could transfer carbon to another Pine root. Suzanne Simard, well-known as forestry researcher, challenged to manifest that theory. She shared her story when she was in Canada to complete her study. She figured that roots and soil are not the main building from the forest. She discovered it with less costly equipment because the sponsors thought that she was mentally ill. Objects in her study were Paper birch, douglas fir, and cedar tree. She found that there were two-way communication with Paper birch and douglas fir, on the other hand, Cedar had their own world so they had not a linkage each other. More specific, she discovered that there were two-way conversation between trees that was not only as competitors but as cooperative partners such as shared carbon, nitrogen, and chemical compound. As an conclusion, she explained about correlation between clear-cutting forest, trees network and climate change, in the end of her speech, she offered her four thought to be friend with climate change.
Haloo sar,  
Hope you are in a great condition, let me give you some suggest  
  
==> (The/a) forest is not only about trees, (...) system that (which) connected(to) each other.  
==>research discovery by (a/the) scientist while it present ...  
==> She shared her story (about) when she was in Canada.....  
==> ........ main building from (at/ in) the forest.  
==>(The) Objects in her study were ......  
==> ...... not a linkage (to) each other.  
==> As ~~an~~(a) conclusion, she explained about (the) correlation between (...) and climate change, in (at) the end  
  
Good luck and keep fighting  
Best regards, Tami:)
Hi Sari,  
Here's my thoughts about your TED talks summary. I hope you can follow through.  
  
- ...but there is ~~a~~an intimated network system that ~~connected~~connects each other.  
- That statement is in line~~appropriate~~ with a research ~~discovery~~ that was discovered by scientist ~~while~~because it presents about how Pine root ~~could~~can transfer carbon to ...  
  
- She figured that roots and soil ~~are~~were not ~~the main building~~mainly built from the forest.  
- ... two-way communications with Paper birch and douglas fir. (stop here, new sentence) On the other hand, (...) so they ~~had not a linkage each other.~~did not connect to each other.  
  
- ~~More specific~~Moreover/Furthermore , she discovered that there were...  
- ~~As an conclusion~~In conclusion , she explained about...  
  
As you can see Sari, mind the above-mentioned corrections to achieve a better result next time. Hope this helps :)
The problems of life are one of the main factor causing stress either at home or in the workplace. There are five ways to keep our mind stay healthy that we have to remember. Firstly, always think that all problems we facing every day are only temporary. So, feeling will be better than before. Secondly, place your position as an observer if you have had a problem to get some viewpoint in that situation. Thirdly, sometimes a tiny matter is a perfect way to reduce nerves, such as breathe deeply, do it slowly with full concentrating. In addition, when you are in horrible situation that makes you feeling down, always remember about your successful event that you have achieved well. This is very effective to boost your mood. The other great way to keep you healthy is doing exercise regularly. For instance, ride a bike or cook a food that suitable with your hobbies.
Hi David  
Let me give you some advice...  
  
The ~~problems~~ (problem) of life are one of the main ~~factor~~ (factors) causing stress either.l..  
So,(your) feeling will be better than before.  
... way to reduce nerves, such as ~~breathe~~(breath) deeply, do it slowly ...  
In addition, when you are in ~~horrible~~(bad) situation that makes ...  
For instance, ride a bike or ~~cook~~(make) a food that suitable ...  
  
Actually your summarization skill are quite good  
Thank you and keep writing...
**This summary is extracted from an article published by cosmopolitan.com, on September 2016. The original title is *"Would You Spend Rp495 ribu To Look 15 Years Younger? This Shocking New Wrinkle Remover Does Exactly That - Botox Doctors Are Outraged By Her Breakthrough!"*.**  
  
Many anti-aging treatments had been tried by a billion women in the world. They had spent much time and much money to be looked younger in their ages. Many products from many brands just sounded the same result from the reviewer and it made some other women thought that it just a kind of impossible thing to be true. In fact, it was not like that, a story came from Lauren di Flores, a 71 years old grandmother form Bandung, Indonesia. She gave a review about the most tiring period she felt to erase the wrinkles and fine lines on her face and the product that she used was ridiculously expensive. Until the day she found Bellavei, a kind of anti-aging product which the price can be reached by many women, furthermore it gave the amazing and undoubtedly results in 14 days. In addition, Bellavei gave her 100 % guarantee and will return her money if the treatment did not work, Lauren said.
Hi @caca, in my humble opinion you have a great coherent writing. However, there are some suggestions from me that would be better if you avoid repetitive and common words. Therefore, I give you some alternatives words bellow:  
  
~~Many~~a myriad of anti-aging treatments.  
  
~~much~~considerable amount of money.  
  
~~younger in their ages~~well-preserved / ageless.  
  
~~Many~~Plenty products from ~~many~~different brands  
  
I hope it can boost your writing skill. Keep up the good work!
Hi Rusell, I would like to think that this is my first review of your essay because I think it is and I hope it is as much valuable and helpful to your revision as the other contributors before me. However, before I do so, I would like to agree that, indeed, todays world and generation has greatly introduced a huge selection of anti aging regimen that women can choose from. Now, I'm a firm believer of natural beauty but hey, tying out some beauty regimen will not hurt, so log as they follow strict health standards.  
  
Moving on, below are my thoughts;  
  
- tried by a billion of women in the world.  
- They had spent ~~much~~ time and ~~much~~ money  
- to ~~be~~ look~~ed~~ younger ~~in their ages~~ .  
- many brands ~~just sounded~~promised the  
- that it's just ~~a~~ kind of impossible  
- thing to ~~be true~~do .  
- furthermore, it gave the amazing  
  
There you have it Rusell, I hope the above insights are helpful to your revision.