dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
There has been a debate  
This is not a debated topic. it is referred to as a factual topic in the prompt. Address it as such in the restatement without an attestation. Something along the lines of:  
  
*Student harrasment is now considered a collosal issue in academic institutions.*  
This is a clear restatement of the topic that uses O keywords from the original. such a sentence increases the L.R.score.  
  
several problems have resulted from this tendency ...effective solutions.  
Where there are direct questions, direct responses must be provided to create a proper and clear thesis outline for your reasoning paragraphs. Indicate the discussion topics in relation to the 2 questions. repeating the questions without clear responses does not meet TA scoring requirements in relation to discussion clarity.  
  
~~To begin with... of negotiating and persuading~~  
There is no sense in using a long-winded opening sentence when your score is better increased by using a topic sentence instead. Your actual response does not stout till the second sentence, which is the C + C scoring consideration sentence.  
  
-tempered and unconscious when dealing with their issues in reality. Furthermore, **along with fast-paced**, while activitie...  
Fast paced what? This is incomplete and lacks understandability in reference to the parents activities.  
  
On the other hand, there would be two ways to deal with the problem  
There is no other hand because this is not a causes paragraphs but a solutions paragraph. These are now 2 seperate discussion ideas that cannot use a comparison transition reference phrase.
## The line chart illustrates the New Zealand population growth pattern between 1950 and 2050.

  
  
It is clear that the percentage of the age group of both 0-14 and 38-45 witnessed the same trend of increasing, the opposite was true for the figure for the 25-37 and over 65 age group over the period. It is also notable that, the increase of the population 0-14 aged was the most significant.  
  
In 1950 the figure for people 0-14 years old stood at 5% in comparison with over 20% of the 38-45 age group. Over the period of 40 years, the percentage of people aged around 38 and 45 rose dramatically to reach a peak of nearly 50%, which is expected to decrease slightly to just 40% in 2050. In contrast, despite a gradual drop of around 3% during the first 40 years, the figure for 0-14 aged population is predicted to increase sharply to 20% in the last year.  
  
On the other hand, the proportion of people who were in the age between 25 and 37 and over 65 saw a downward trend. Starting at 60% in 1950, the percentage of people age over 65 increased marginally to 70% in 1990. However, in 2050, it is expected to fall substantially to 55% during the last year. Meanwhile, that of 25-37 years old fluctuated around 20% from 1950 to 1990, which is expected to fall to 0% at the end of the period.  
  
*
growth pattern  
A reference to decade on decade comparison s as shown in the chart gap years would have been a better way of putting the data into the summary form. A reference to the measurement type is also a good piece of information toinclude as a part of the information source / measurement particulars.  
  
Your discussion based on a 40 year gap seems to wide and skips over important comparison points. I would like to specifically call your attention to the year 2000 when there is an overlapping measurement for 0 -14 and 25-37. That is highlight that should have been analyzed for the "analyze and make comparisons where relevant " part of the report.
***Some people argue job satisfaction is more important than job security. Others believe a permanent Job is more important.***  
## Discuss both there are views and give your own opinion

  
  
Some people contend with Job fulfillment is more significant than stable Job. However, other people have different views who think a permanent Job is more important. Personally, I tend towards the viewpoint that is people should attempt to find an occupation satisfaction instead of a stable Job.  
  
On the one hand, there are clear if people feel job satisfaction, they will have passion and effort to finish working as soon as possible so might be high productivity and rich work performance. as the result, they earn a high salary and learn various skills and experience in professional work environment. For example, one of my best friend who has high quality about knowledge but he is willing to wait for long time and attempt looking for an occupation satisfaction. In his opinion, a Job satisfaction bring much genuine mentality what he had life  
  
On the other hand, a stable job is that might not compete and envious with someone in job environment. Due to the fact that, everyone goes to work then go home and that is habit and repeat every day where is peaceful environment work. As a matter of fact , my coo-workers who are boring with their Job but they still work until finish retiring  
  
In conclusion, it seems to me that good a job satisfaction is interesting and necessary so that people can effort and success in their Job
There are 2 reasons why this essay cannot get a passing score :  
  
1. Lack of word count. The minimum scorable essay is 250 words. You only completed the task at 232 words. You may write 250-300 words.  
2. Lack of proper discussion based on the required presentation format.  
  
The presentation format is:  
Par. 1 - Paraphrase + personal opinion  
Par. 2 - 1st public opinion explanation + Example  
Par. 3 - 2nd public opinion + Example  
Par. 4 - Personal opinion + Example  
Par. 5 - Summary of discussion  
  
Your current presentation focuses solely on your personal opinion of the 2 points of view, creating a solely personal - presentation rather than the required comparative analysis + Personal opinion essay. You have to discuss from a public perspective first because of the key phrases " some people " and " Others believe " before the phrase " give your own opinion ". Hence the 3 discussion paragraph requirement.
## modern technology and human

  
  
Todays, technology has developed dramatically and numerous technical devices have been applied in normal life. One of the most important inventions that people have ever published is artificially intelligence robots. Many believe that they will do all jobs eventually, in my opinion, I just agree to certain extent  
  
There are various advantages that artificially intelligence robots bring to out life. Firstly, it takes less time to finish a job while the quality is guaranteed. For instance, some jobs which are repetitive such as produce shoes, the robots will do it with perfection and they are not likely to be bored or exhausted. In addition, inspite of their' high cost, they can help cut off human resource in companies, that will lead to the decrease in the amount of money that business owners pay for workers every months. It is such a good deal for them.  
  
On the other hand, there are still some jobs that robots can not do perfectly at all. Some jobs that need human touch, flexible thinking and objective decisions can not be done by robots. For example, the jobs which are related to education, medical system have numerous complicated problem that algorithmic can not solve, so people have to do them by themselves. Besides, it will be a threat to human someday if they depend dramatically on robots. Robots have artificial intelligence and they learn from human everyday, in the future, they may control the world and people will be in danger.  
  
In conclusion, there are benefits and drawbacks in this argument. The replacement of robots in many jobs is imminent, in my viewpoint, we should apply them in suitable jobs and the jobs that need human touch still should be done by human
...in my opinion,I just agree to certain extent  
This is an opinion essay. It is not an extent response writing task. Your answer is not in the correct format. A more apt presentation would have been:  
  
*It is my opinion that there is a limitation to robotic intelligence that limits its ability to do all human tasks. This is because humans program the AI abilities and man will not program robots to do all his jobs the human workforce will lose their jobs in the process.*  
  
There are 3 accomplishments in the above presentation:  
  
1. Delivery of a personal opinion ( there is a limitation )  
2. Reason for opinion ( robotic intelligence is limited in ability to do human tasks )  
3. Thesis statement (humans program the AI abilities , man programs the A I, he will not teach a robot to do all his jobs, human workforce will lose their jobs in the process.)  
  
From that presentation, I clearly address all the TA requirements for a clear and discussion related opinion. Your presentation fails to properly address the task. My thesis statement coherently outlines 3 cohesive reasoning topics for the 2 body paragraphs. This is a sample of a correct response to this task with an easy to follow discussion outline.
## prevention is better than cure

  
  
*It is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment of people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?*  
  
Few individuals contend that the government budgets should be centered on illness prevention services by fostering a healthy lifestyle instead of being allocated for disease treatment. To a certain extend I totally agree that prevention is better than cure since there are enormous benefits whether inhabitants' health condition is widely promoted by effective national policies.  
  
To begin with, the more government money spending on enhancing the healthy lifestyle, the more quality of life in the general population improves. This upgrade could bring in a decrease of mobility and mortality rate of not only infectious diseases but also noninfectious diseases. Therefore, it could save a huge amount of expenditure for patients undergoing medical treatment as well as for funeral expenses whether they pass away. For example, the fees spending on buying insulin pens in order to cure diabetes is immensely expensive, compared with the gentle cost of healthy living such as gym ticket or fresh food.  
  
On the other hand, there are several conditions that cannot be given medical treatment successfully, hence we ought not to underestimate the importance of the prevention strategy. This means if people get incurable diseases, they will not be handled completely. In these cases, it is likely that prevention is more important than treatment, the government expenses consequently should be prioritized for health promotion programs. Hypertension is a case in point, a person gets must take hypertension drugs and maintain a healthy lifestyle until the end of life, therefore, a national budget ought to be allocated for advertisement for raising public awareness about hypertension.  
  
In conclusion, the investment in prevention strategies can bring in enormous advantages including fostering healthy living and avoiding uncurable conditions. I firmly spending more expenditure on preventive services would have more fruitful impacts on our society overall in the near future.
To a certain extend I totally agree  
When you say"to a certain extent ", that indicates a limitation to your agreement. While saying " I totally agree" refers to an unlimited support to a particular point of view. Your sentence presentation is therefore confusing and lacking in a clear opinion presentation.  
  
enormous benefits ~~whether~~ inhabitants'  
for funeral expenses whether they pass away.  
Whether - conjunction; used to introduce the first of two or more alternatives  
When - adverb; at the time or in the event that  
You are not making a reference to an alternative in this sentence. The word when is more aligned with the meaning you wish to convey.  
  
decrease of ~~mobility~~  
mobility - noun; the quality of being mobile.  
morbidity - noun; the proportion of sickness or of a specific disease in a geographical locality.  
You are using words without knowing the correct reference to the meaning. At this rate you may already get a failing L. R. score. Be sure of the word tobe used and meaning prior to usage.  
  
These are repeated errors throughout the essay. The writing mistakes that you have in this essay are all consistent with TA, L.R., C + C, and GRA deductions. You may not get a satisfactory score in the end.
## IELTS WRITING TASK 1: IMPRISONMENT

  
  
**The chart below shows the figures (in thousand) for imprisonment in five countries between 1930 and 1980.**  
  
The bar chart compares the number of crimes who were thrown in jail in five different countries of the world over a 50-year period starting from 1930.  
  
As can be seen from the chart, all the nations' figures tended to decline during the period, except for America and Great Britain.  
  
In 1930, nearly 100 000 cases of captivity took place in the United State, which was more than a five fold of that in Britain. Despite some fluctuations, the next 50 years witnessed a dramatic increase of 40 000 incidents in America, while the data of Britain grew gradually to 50 000 cases within the same period. Moreover, 1980 saw the largest figure of imprisonment in the United State, at approximately 140 000 cases recorded.  
  
Considering the 3 remaining countries, Canada used to have the highest statistics with 120 000 cases in 1930, while Australia had only about 70 000 at the same time. From 1940 onwards, both Canada and Australia's data fluctuated considerably, then ended at nearly 100 000 and 60 000 cases respectively.  
  
Besides, a remarkable fall to just slightly over 40 000 incidents was found in the figure of New Zealand during the first 20 years, before it climbed back to 90 000 at the end of the period.  
  
*
A properly analyzed task 1 essay must be completed within 20 minutes and between 175 - 200 words. Though there won't be deductions applied for writing more words, I am afraid that such a practice results in more scoring errors for the student. That is because your focus moves from the proper TA, L R, C + C, and GRA scoring guidelines to merely writing as much words as possible. Quality writing is more important than word count because you are scored on the former and not the latter.  
  
Here is an example of your L.R. mistake:  
  
the number of crimes who were thrown in jail  
Word usage error based on improper vocabulary /word meaning.  
  
Crimes - noun; an action or an instance of negligence that is deemed injurious to the public welfare or morals or to the interests of the state and that is legally prohibited. Root word: Crime (singular )  
  
Criminal - noun ; a person guilty or convicted of a crime. Criminals (plural)  
Based on the word definitions alone, you can already tell what and how you made the mistake. This is why you should with just the right number of words, to ensure you can check for, and correct score related errors.  
  
nations'  
GRA error in relation to punctuation usage. You do not need to use an apostrophe in this word. It signifies the plural form and ownership without that mark. Review punctuation usage rules.  
  
As for your TA issues:  
  
five different countries  
Which are ? Summarise the countries listing for an accurate TA consideration.  
  
thrown in jail  
Indicate the measurement used which is by the thousands  
  
50-year period starting from 1930  
Ending in what year? complete the half century reference data.  
  
The report is acceptable but the number of mistakes in it are not. The number of avoidable errors could prevent the awarding of a passing score. It is about information clarity based on scoring guidelines. Not just the word count.
## vietnamese-english translation issues

  
  
The bar chart illustrates the most common mistakes that students make when translating Vietnamese into English. Looking at the graph, it is immediately obvious that the number of students translating Vietnamese into English word by word was the highest over the period shown, which was 100%. Furthermore, there was a slight drop, accounting for 64.1%, in the number of students with mistakes in sentence structures, the second-highest figure. Meanwhile, students' mistakes in grammar had a lower proportion, which was 57,1%. According to the data, 50% of students have a wrong translation due to wrong discourse analysis. 14.3% of the remaining students had the wrong word choice. According to the graph, most students have mistakes in pronunciation when translating Vietnamese into English due to a lack of practice. Therefore, students should practice as much as possible, not only to enrich their own vocabulary and pronunciation but also to solve these problems better.  
  
*
The bar chart illustrates the most common mistakes  
You should have included a clear reference to the fact that the info is based on collated opinion survey information that received 14 responses. When information is highlighted in the image, it should be part of the summary presentation.  
  
highest over the period shown  
Incorrect. There is no period being referred to, only percentage measurements.  
  
Therefore, students should  
Do not include a personal opinion or observation in a Task 1 report. It is not a requirement and will not help your score as it will be ignored by the examiner due to irrelevance to the discussion.  
  
The presentation format itself is incorrect. Use the following format next time:  
  
Par. 1- Summary + trending statement  
Par. 2 - General report with comparisons  
Par. 3- Analysis of chosen comparison points + closing statement (not an opinion)  
  
When faced with 2 images, add another analysis paragraph for both images. That is optional though.
## teaching not only academic knowledge?

  
  
**Some people believe that teachers should be responsible for teaching students the difference between right and wrong. Others say that teachers should only teach academic subjects.  
  
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.**  
  
In general, education has been considered to broaden knowledge for humankind over the past decades. As a result, varied people believe tutors should only focus on academic lessons at school, however, they also do play a vital role in imparting ethical values to learners. This essay will discuss both views and express the author's opinion.  
  
Without a doubt, moral lessons would significantly instruct students to avoid detrimental actions in society. Specifically, morality teaches human beings to distinguish good things from harmful ones, furthermore, to know how to build and maintain social relationships in real life. For instance, during school time, tutors can educate children on how to communicate with adults and the elderly in the right manner. Meanwhile, it is a popular belief that academic subjects are more practical in higher education and future occupations, however, it is inevitable that teaching morality effectively prevents disrespectful actions throughout the whole life.  
  
Equally important, being taught the difference between right and wrong at a young age can help children maintain that good behavior in the future. It is obvious that children learn from surrounding people since childhood and they are unlikely to change it when they grow up. On the other hand, many would argue parents and family can also be responsible for morally instructing children, hence, it is said that teachers should focus more on academic lessons as subject specialists, instead. Nevertheless, dedicated teachers would support imparting ethical values to children in order to help students realize and know how to treat others in the right manner.  
  
In conclusion, I think dedicated teaches should not only provide students with the academic knowledge but also educate them to become good people in society. It is also recommended that parents and relatives should also significantly contribute to teaching children the difference between right and wrong alongside tutors.  
  
I will be glad to see your feedback and suggestions. Thanks in advance!
author's opinion.  
You are the author right? Why are you referring to yourself in 3rd person when your opinion should be directly provided in first person pronoun style? You should not be restating the discussion instructions at this point since you previously stated it already. Your direct opinion is all that was required in this paragraph.  
  
I think dedicated teaches  
2 errors here. First, being your personal opinion presentation, this needs to be as fully reasoned and explained as the first 2 discussion points. It needs its own paragraph presentation. second, you cannot convince the reader of your opinion if you do not wholly support your point of view. You are given a TA score based on opinion clarity. This phrase does the exact opposite, showing your uncertain support for your belief /opinion. It will drag down your TA score. With regards to the L R error, it is teachers not teaches. p roof read for errors and correct them to avoid score deductions.
## WRITING TASK 2 - BUSINESS AND MONEY

  
  
**Some people say that increasing business and cultural contacts between countries is a positive development, while others think that many countries will lose their national identities as a result. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.**  
  
While it is largely believed that countries around the world should establish close connections regarding culture and business which could have a positive impact on global development, some argue that this bond can cause those countries to lose their own national identities. I am in favor of the former view.  
  
It is understandable why there are some strong arguments against increasing the business and cultural connections between nations. First, this trend can pose a threat to their traditional values. A foreign company would bring its own culture to the country it settles, which can have both negative and positive influences on national development. Mushrooming of fast food chains in Vietnam perfectly exemplifies this situation. These restaurants have altered Vietnamese people's eating habits and their attitudes towards the importance of home-cooked meals. Second, cultural contacts have notably changed conservative beliefs of a nation. These days, many people have accepted the same-sex marriage and premarital cohabitation which were socially unacceptable a few decades ago.  
  
Instead of the aforementioned reasons, I am of opinion that the establishment of business and cultural connections between countries is of tremendous benefit to international growth. The key rationale is that multinational corporations would provide local people with a range of jobs with lucrative income, which can reduce the rate of unemployment to some extent. KFC, the worldwide fast-food company, is a case in point. It has offered Vietnamese workers thousands of jobs improving their living standards and meeting their own living expenses. Another driving factor is that cultural contacts of various countries would help people enrich their knowledge of different cultures. For example, foreign students can avoid culture shock and other cultural-related problems when staying in other countries, which could often lead to tension and conflicts.  
  
In conclusion, while there may be some people who suppose that many countries could lose their national identities because of foreign relations, I strongly believe that strengthening the bonds of culture and economy between nations make a contribution to international growth.