dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Should a jury be given past criminal record?

  
  
*Topic: Under British and Australian laws a jury in a criminal case has no access to info about the defendant's past criminal record. This protects the person who is being accused of the crime. Some lawyers have suggested that this practice should be changed and that a jury should be given all past facts before the reach their decision about the case. Do you agree or disagree?*  
  
Having access to past police record is an effective approach for the judges to make decisions on criminal cases. In my opinion, I agree that the court has a right to consider thoroughly a defendant's previous convictions. This essay will look at how it benefits investigating process and making final judgments.  
  
Firstly, the criminal case will be effectively solved if a jury sees through the offender. Reading the documents in previous cases, a jury could have more considerable insight about an individual's behavior which is under control of his personality and psychological state. According to some researches, juries could successfully convinced the defendants to plead guilty in 68% cases after reviewing the past records. Clearly, prior convictions could be substantial evidence about current crimes.  
  
Secondly, considering all past information helps the judges to reach reasonable conclusion. Based on the changing process of a offender, if he showed repentance and desire to redeem the faults, a jury would accept his plea offer to reduce the penalty and vice versa. Moreover, taking DUI (driving under the influence) case as an example, a judge may enhance a sentence if a defendant has a prior conviction for the same type of offence on his past record. Thus, juries should use criminal records as a tool to administer punishment.  
  
In conclusion, I think the authority ought to change the policy that the juries could approach the problem from another angle by past documents in order to come up with sufficient solutions for the situation. Lawyers would also take advantage of it to support their defence.
Tran, the essay will fail due to the prompt deviation that you created in the paraphrased paragraph. You were right to offer your agreement with the given topic for discussion. However, the reasoning paragraphs were supposed to support your claims. You were not supposed to change the discussion slant from:  
  
*Original: Do you agree or disagree?  
Yours: This essay will look at how it benefits investigating process and making final judgments.*  
  
Your TA score will be a 4, which means that you only offered a partially correct response to the prompt instructions. 4 is not a passing score. Added to the grammar and other problems of the essay discussion and it be difficult for you to achieve a passing score with this essay. Always double check the prompt discussion instruction as you write the essay. Spend time towards the end reviewing your response, making sure that you did not deviate from the prompt nor under develop your discussion. It is easier to fix an under developed response than it is to correct a prompt deviation because that normally requires rewriting the whole essay to properly align with the prompt instructions.
Tran, I find that my students find it easier to create a paraphrase when they have 4 instead of 3 sentences to rewrite in their prompt paraphrase. My students use the following outline to create their restatements:  
  
*1. Topic Sentence: Under British and Australian laws a jury in a criminal case has no access to info about the defendant's past criminal record.  
  
2. Reasoning Sentence: This protects the person who is being accused of the crime.  
3. Thesis Statement: Some lawyers have suggested that this practice should be changed and that a jury should be given all past facts before the reach their decision about the case.  
  
4. Discussion Instruction: Do you agree or disagree?*  
  
Once you have properly identified and outlined the different parts of the discussion, you will be able to properly rephrase or reword the presentation like this:  
  
*1. Topic Sentence: British and Australian criminal rules prevent undue influence on the jury by not letting them know the criminal has prior offenses.  
2. Reasoning Sentence: This is to shield the suspect from the jurors prejudging the accused.  
3. Thesis Statement: Law practitioners believe that this practice must be ended and the jury must be informed of the past criminal record of the accused prior to deciding the case.  
  
4. I disagree / agree with this opinion for specific reasons.*  
  
Do you see how outlining your paraphrase per section could make it easier for you to create your own restatement of the topic? It is much easier to create a Task 2 essay when you first outline all the discussion points, then build on the actual presentation in paragraph form. The outline helps you to not deviate from the original presentation.
***Topic:***  
## The best way to improve health is to exercise daily. Do you agree?

  
  
The most effective method to maintain and improve health is considered to be taking daily exercise. From my point of view, I completely agree that exercise is the key to both physical and mental health.  
  
To begin with, it is widely acknowledged that taking exercise on a regular basis combats health conditions and diseases physically. That is to say, building an exercise regime for ourselves helps prevent or manage a dose of health problems and concerns including stroke, high blood pressure, diabetes, cancers and so on. Exercise, in fact, contributes substantially to controlling excess weight gain, which lowers the risk of such serious disease threats. Additionally, staying active to keep muscles strong and cardiovascular working efficiently is assured to enhance the immune system so as to fight against bacteria and viruses.  
  
Another persuasive argument in favor of taking daily exercise as a good strategy to stay healthy is its power to nourish our mental health. It is obvious that the more healthy exercise we take, the more ideal body weight we may maintain; as a result, we are given a sense of confidence and self-esteem. More importantly, physical activities stimulate various brain chemicals that may leave us feeling happier, more relaxed and less anxious. Thus, frequent exercise routine may prove highly beneficial to health, in particular, mental health.  
  
However, it has been contended that daily exercise is not of paramount importance as a strict diet. Admittedly, a strict diet is likely to play an essential role in controlling the number of calories we take in. Nevertheless, strict diet seems to merely impact on maintaining weight loss, and it is sometimes not so healthy enough that may cause counter-productive effects on both physical and mental health. Hence, the fact is that strict diet failed to be the best way which has the greatest influence on our health.  
  
In conclusion, I once again assert that leading a physically active lifestyle is an ultimate weapon to better health mentally and physically.
Dong, since this is not an extent essay, your agreement should not be presented as a measured response. It should only be a simple response. Additionally, the prompt paraphrase and concluding summary needs a minimum of 3 sentences. Writing only 2 sentences represents an automatic underdeveloped paragraph that will affect the C&C section of your essay. The C&C sections requires a minimum of 3, maximum of 5 sentences per paragraph.  
  
Since this is a single opinion essay. The mention and discussion of a person's diet created a prompt deviation. This will affect your TA accuracy score because you introduced a topical discussion that was not required, thus changing the discussion slant of the essay. This is a 2 reasoning paragraph, not 3 reasoning essay response.  
  
Even though you wrote more than 300 words, the essay that you wrote will not get a passing score due to the mistakes that you have made. Additionally, you will not be able to write that many words during the actual test. Always practice writing using a timer to ensure that you write only the right number of words (250-300) that will allow you to review, edit, and revise the essay before submission.
Hi guys. Hope you have a nice day.  
Please evaluate my essay. Thanks in advance.  
  
*Q: Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives.  
What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?*  
  
## children suffer greater mental stress NOWADAYS

  
  
A: Children are no doubt the future of tomorrow. As the world keeps on advancing and expanding, it's no suprise if they have more pressure from academic, social and commercial aspects.  
  
There are many factors contribute to this pressure but I think these are the main ones. The first is movie. Most popular movies depict a successful person as someone who has high income or is famous. But that isn't success. Success is when you achieve your own goals. It is neither based on your salary nor popularity. Yet many believe otherwise and consider others as failures. They could really put much pressure on their children.  
  
Technology breakthroughs in modern day is also a cause. Children is thought to be smarter, more intelligent due to easier access to information. This can be a drawback as well. More information, if isn't selected carefully, could lead them to an existential crisis because they don't know what are their strengths, weaknesses and which career path they should follow.  
  
In conclusion, there are many reasons for the pressure today's youth is facing. And I think the only measure can be done is to let them be kids, let them play, destroy, build, and study what ever they want. Just let them be themselves.
Hello,  
  
Here's some feedback on your essay.  
  
First, I would expand the introduction into a full paragraph. I would add in more information on the topic and come up with a more stronger thesis statement. Your thesis statement should be so you stand on a side of an argument and that you support one over the other. The topic is asking if children are facing more pressure from the 3 elements so in order to write your thesis, you would either agree with the statement or disagree with it. Also I would avoid assumptions such as "its no surprise" because it may create a bias and you want to present your argument with evidence which is more compelling.  
  
Next, you're essay question is asking the 3 ways that children are facing pressure which are academic, social and commercial ways. Right now you have 2 body paragraphs and I will assume that you will be writing the 3rd one? I think that you're missing the "commercial" body paragraph here. Also dont forget that the question is also asking for the solutions to the problems that you stated. I would maybe write the problem in 1 paragraph and write the solution in another paragraph which then you will end up with 6 paragraphs. I recommend this way so that you are focused on presenting your idea 1 at a time and you can organize your thoughts.  
  
So lets look at your first body paragraph, in the beginning you state that there are many factors but you only stated one point. So instead you can reword it like so "there are many factors from social pressure and the main issue is the depiction of a "successful individual" in films". Usually in an essay, you want to avoid using "I believe" or "I think" unless you are writing an opinion essay.  
  
Next paragraph, you make a good point about technology being harmful but I would research a bit more into it. You said that "Children is thought to be smarter, more intelligent due to easier access to information" and where/who did you get this information from? It would help if you added citations from an article or research paper. Also, I would rephrase this sentence to maybe "Children nowadays have easy access to information through a technology medium and it discourages them to critically think and halts the learning process." Technology doesnt necessarily make children smart but I would think that knowing how to use technology devices who make them capable.  
  
Lastly, the conclusion should include a short summary of what you wrote in your essay to your readers. Some times readers need a reminder if the essay become lengthy. This is also where you would restate your thesis statement. Like I said above, you want to write the thesis so that you are representing a side to an argument.
Le, unfortunately, all of the reviews int he world will not be able to help this essay in its current form. Once you submit an essay for scoring that has less than the 250 minimum word requirement, the examiner will have no other recourse but to fail your Task 2 test. In this instance, you provided an essay of a mere 208 words. 42 words short of the test minimum requirement. The 42 words will be one of the severe reasons for your points deductions in the TA section. The other reason your test will fail, is because you failed to offer a direct response to the questions being asked of you in the original prompt. As such, the TA score will be considered only partially correct or tangential in response. Added to the rest of the errors that exist in this essay, there is simply no chance of your essay even making it near a passing score.
## what students decide to learn and why

  
  
It is common that school girls usually enroll art classes and boys attend science classes at schools. In my opinion, there are two main reasons for this trend and it should be changed.  
  
There are two dominant factors lead to this tendency. The first reason is the gender specific personalities. For example, it is believed that women are usually better at appreciating the aesthetic qualities of works of arts than men, so they apt to choose art classes. Differently, the portrayal of men is usually logical and good at analyzing or calculating, so the science classes such as math and physics may be fit them better. The second reason is the traditional thought. This tendency may stem from students being provided with the information that a gender could only excel at one field and not the others. For instance, boys hesitate to learn arts, languages... because they are bombarded with the traditional perception that it is out of their depth.  
  
Personally, I think this trend should be changed. Students should choose the subjects they enjoy, and pursuit what they desire. For example, in the history, many men artists are successful such as Van Gog, Beethoven... because of their persistence. Additionally, students have liberty and gender equality, so it is crucial for them to express their talent themselves by enrolling the suitable classes.  
  
In conclusion, I am persuaded that natural gender characteristics have effect on the major students deciding to learn. However, the tendency that art classes for girls and science classes for boys should be a vital alteration.
hey, I have some advices may be helpful for you !  
u use some inappropriate words and expressions like "dominant factors" ( use major/ main instead) or "I am persuaded that " ( let change to "I agree" might more sensible)  
  
"... qualities of works of arts" ( avoid using double "of")  
"Differently, the portrayal of men ..." u shouldn't use " differently" to begin the sentence.  
  
In addition, I see a lot of single sentences that u can extent to make your essay much more interesting
## Long-term care for older people

  
  
Kindly Someone Evaluate my essay on these four defined criteria.  
1- task response  
2- coherence and cohesion  
3- lexical resource  
4- grammatical range and accuracy  
  
Many Elderly People are no longer looked after by their families but are put in care homes or nursing homes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend ?  
  
It is increasingly common nowadays for families to send their elderly relatives to live in nursing homes, rather than take care of them at home. This Essay will highlight both the benefits and drawbacks of this inclination.  
  
To begin with the positives, a crucial advantage that nursing homes have is that they are well equipped and provide professional care. Their personnel are educated in field of geriatrics and know how to deal with the needs of the elderly as well as reacting appropriately in case of any emergency. In contrast, family of these old people are rarely trained and are not equipped with knowledge in case any mishap occurs. Besides professional care , nursing homes also have a proper system to ensure timely administration of medicines and record is also kept in case for future reference.  
  
Nevertheless, Elderly people do face some problems in nursing homes. For instance, many of them start feeling depressed and left out by their families. This is because they are rarely visited by their family members and often miss out on family functions. Another significant disadvantage is that they mostly live in an environment surrounded by sick people. This leads to increased chances of contracting infectious diseases as majority of the old people have comparatively weakened immune systems.  
  
In conclusion, although nursing homes are beneficial in terms of Professional care and up to date system of medicine administration and record keeping, it is important to consider that they also cause some old people to feel lonely and depressed and also increase their chances on infection.
Dear Spartan,  
I would like to have some comments on your writing as follows:  
1) Strengths:  
You have answered the question using good transitional words and academic vocabulary. However, you should pay attention to the following points to improve your writing.  
  
2) Rooms for improvement:  
**Task Achievement:** You have presented your position but not strongly developed it. There are three main points in body paragraph 1 (better equipped nursing homes, professional staff and good administration and records), but no examples to support them. You should use one or two and support them well with explanations and examples.  
  
You also used a lot of absolute sentences which showed over-generalization of your ideas. These should be corrected by using modal verbs and adverbs of frequency. For example: they are often well equipped ... Their personnel are usually educated ... and may know ... needs of the elderly well...  
  
You should give examples to illustrate how better the equipment is or how better the staff are.  
**Coherence and Cohesion:** You used transitional words well but have not connected ideas in one sentence well. You should use more relative clauses to strengthen your writing.  
  
**Lexical Resource**: please correct compound words by adding hyphens (well-equipped, up-to-date).  
**Grammar and Accuracy**: please be careful with capital letter and punctuation too. You should not use captial letter in the middle of the sentences if the words are not proper nouns ( Ex: ~~This Essay, Elderly, Professional care~~).  
  
There are so many compound sentences while there are no complex sentences in your writing.  
Hope this will help. Happy writing!
## IELTS TEST 2 (WATER POLUTION)

  
  
**Pollution of rivers, lakes, and seas is a major concern for people who seek to protect the environment. What are the causes of water pollution? And what effects does this have on animal life and human society?**  
  
Water bodies such as rivers, lakes, and seas are suffered by toxic pollutants coming from hazardous chemicals and plastics. This issue becomes close attention of environmentalists as it causes a poison ecosystem for aquatic animals and health problems for a human.  
  
The pollutants that cause major damage in water ecosystem are from harmful chemicals and solid waste. This toxic compounds such as mercury and asbestos is mainly a result of industrial disposal discharged without any treatments, and it is undeniable that even the highly productive companies do not have a well-operated system to reduce the concentration of such contaminants. In fact, the more active of this process means the more plastics will be needed for packaging which majority of them will be accumulated into the water bodies as the final disposal place. For example, European Union surveyed and revealed that at least 61% of plastics ended up in the sea during a decade ago, and there is an area called barren Ireland where it is almost empty with sea creatures resulted from mercury contamination. If there is no effort to prevent or reduce the amount of disposal, the floating of these harmful compounds will substantially increase of sea covered by the waste.  
  
What are the major consequences of this? These pollutants will both danger aquatic animals and human's health as the water becomes poisonous, and some of the animals are vulnerable consuming plastic compound as their prey has similar appearances. The further impact may lead to numerous deaths of creatures and chronic diseases attacked people who consume toxic seafood. For example, on the north coast of Ireland, some death turtles found contained plastic pieces in their digestive track. Also, in hospital, the doctor has recorded 20 people in that area suffer from mercury toxicities after eating fish in the coastal. Therefore, these are the reason why many environmentalists putting major concern in order to avoid the adverse effect in the future.  
  
In conclusion, water pollution from industrial waste mainly chemical substances and plastics cause severe disadvantages both aquatic animals and humans.  
(344 WORDS)
Hello  
  
Here's my feedback on your essay, hope it helps.  
  
If this is suppose to be in a essay format, I would work on the introduction paragraph. I would say that your intro and your first body paragraph can be combined into 1 and you can add a thesis statement into it. Right now your thesis statement would be "This issue becomes close attention of environmentalists as it causes a poison ecosystem for aquatic animals and health problems for a human." I would word it in a way that you are representing a side to the argument for example: "The act of dumping harmful chemicals and the production of non biodegradable waste has detrimental effect on the water ecosystem". In the intro paragraph you want to let your readers know about the background of the problem and you are doing so in your second paragraph and hence why I would recommend you merge the first and the second paragraph. Also when you use the example, it would be better if you cite the information rather than saying "For example," because it can be flagged for plagiarism.  
  
So normally you'd want to have at least 3 body paragraphs and in total you would have 5 (intro, 3 body, conclusion). Currently you covered the harmful waste that is being dumped by companies and the usage of plastic (you can talk about it being non-degradable). So you can make these topics as individual paragraphs and in your 3rd paragraph you can either research the 3rd cause or you can use your paragraph which covers the effect of water pollution. Again here, if you want to put facts that you got from a website or an article, you would want to cite it.  
  
Lastly, for your conclusion paragraph you would put a quick summary of what points you made and then rewrite the thesis here again. This is to tie everything together and give your readers a nice summary of what your paper was about.  
  
Hopefully any of what I said helped you.