dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The environment produced the amount of minerals which is accumulated by bacteria during an hour of the period. If it is occurring, the fulfillment of clean drinking water in other countries will deficiency. One of the best ways to solve this problem to produce the clean is called desalination process which water take out water from seawater with remove the salt before by reverse osmosis (RO) technique.  
  
This membrane filtration technology takes the seawater, then spread on the pressure to force it through a membrane and this process will result in energy to produce clean water which reduces the salt from seawater. This process is known reverse osmosis. Because this process is very expensive, finally it doesn't use by many countries. Also, it is resulting brine which pumped back out into the sea and it damages the local sea ecology. The future desalination place will build in 2060 and it has target produce 900 million liters per day of desalinated water.  
  
This project is researching about the number of metals, particularly calcium, potassium, and magnesium from out of desalination brine, which defiling the Earth. This research is beginning of mining industry in harmony with nature which is occurring in a test tube.
hi yurikeyuri, these are my thought towards your first paragraph of your writing  
  
firstly, please kindly tell us what kind of writing it is : summary or essay  
if it is a summary, please attach the source. and if it is an essay, please attach the topic as well.  
  
The environment produced the ~~amount~~number of minerals which  
[the aunt of is followed by uncountable noun, while mineral is countable noun]  
  
... drinking water in other countries will BEa**deficiency**.  
[i think it would be better if you use decline : will decline ]  
  
[ One of the best ways to solve the problem is to produce clean ~~is called desalination process which water take out~~ water from seawater with ~~remove the salt before by~~ reverse osmosis (RO) technique which can remove the minerals from it. ]  
  
thank you
***The graph below shows the average daily figures for Channel One News over a 12-month period***  
  
A breakdown of figure for the viewers of channel one news, measured in millions per day between January and December is served in the line chart. Overall, the viewer watching at 6pm news decreased slightly while 1pm visitor remained stable. August experienced a top for 11 pm while for 9.30pm news, it jumped to the lowest point.  
  
Over an 8-month period, it can be seen that the viewers watching 6pm news fluctuated and decreased from just below 5 to just below 3.5. although 11pm news was first introduced on 1st may, it reached a peak 3 months later just above 4 million, the most highest viewers at that time, while 9.30pm program lost its viewers, indicated by decreasing number from just above 3 to just above 1 which was the smallest number of it.  
  
Between august and December, 9.30pm news was gaining its viewers again, indicated by a significant increase to 3. However, there was a significant decrease to just below 1 for 11pmnews while 1pm and 6pm news remained stable below 1.5 and below 3.5 respectively.  
  
(177 Words)  
  
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**Hi Ivan..  
These are my corrections to finalize your writing. Please, meet my notes and deal with them.**  
  
Overall, the viewer watching at 6pm news decreased slightly while 1pm visitor remained stable. August experienced a top for 11 pm while for 9.30pm news, it jumped to the lowest point.  
Actually, you have written the overview well, but you have to know what you write. Pay attention to the meaning. There were changes in the quantity, not the viewer.  
  
OVERALL, THE NUMBER OF VIEWERS WATCHING NEWS AT 6PM HAD DECREASED SLIGHTLY, WHILE THE PERCENTAGE AT 1PM HAD REMAINED STABLE. AUGUST EXPERIENCED A TOP FOR THE RATE OF THE VIEWERS AT 11 PM, BUT FOR 9.30PM, ITS RATING JUMPED TO THE LOWEST POINT.  
  
..., it can be seen that the PROPORTION FOR viewers OF ~~watching 6pm~~ news ON CHANNEL ONE fluctuated and (...) below 5 MILLION to just below 3.5 MILLION PEOPLE. although THE PROGRAM OF 11pm news was first (...) just above 4 million~~,~~ AS the most highest (...) to just above 1 MILLION ~~which was~~ REPRESENTING the smallest number of it.  
  
... December, THE PROGRAM OF 9.30pm news was (...) increase to 3 MILLION.
A breakdown of figure for daily viewing Chanel (unit in million viewers per day) one news based on 4 different times in a day during a year. Overall, it can be seen that the number of viewer in three different in a day stand at not the same point in January while news that on screen in 11 pm start to be viewed by people in Malaysia suddenly it show the most dramatic increase.  
  
6 pm is the most favourite time to watch news in January while number of people who watch news in 9.30 pm are 3. In the next two month, the number of viewer in 6 pm fall at about 4, but it still became the higher number viewers in 1 pm tent to stable by previous month. In May, the number of people who tend to watch news in 6 pm and 9.30 pm illustrate the close number while 1 pm show the lowest viewers.  
  
Meanwhile, in August both of viewers in 6 pm and 9.30 pm decrease while the number of viewers in 11 pm incline sharply and peak at 4. Furthermore in December most people tent to watch news in 1 pm show quite same point with previous period, and 11 pm is the most unpopular time to watch news. (216w)  
  
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**Hi Miss Pramudia.  
I am gonna give you a few suggestions to improve your writing.**  
  
A breakdown of figure for daily viewing Chanel (unit in million viewers per day) one news ...  
**Where is your main verb?**. Be careful of sentence fragments.  
A BREAKDOWN OF FIGURES REPRESENTING THE NUMBER OF VIEWERS WATCHING NEWS ON CHANNEL ONE BASED ON 4 DIFFERENT TIMES A DAY DURING A YEAR IS REVEALED IN THE LINE GRAPH  
  
Overall, it can be seen that the number of viewer ...  
Avoid hackneyed sentence because it will seem as meaningless sentences.  
This is my offering overview as the alternative.  
OVERALL, IT CAN OBVIOUSLY SEEN THAT CHANNEL ONE HAD DIVIDED NEWS PROGRAMS INTO THREE TIMES PER DAY, BUT THE TELEVISION CHANNEL HAD HAD A POLICY TO ADD BROADCASTING THE NEWS AT 11 PM SINCE 1ST MAY. MOREOVER, THE VIEWERS HAD TENDED TO WATCH NEWS AT 6 PM.  
  
**6 pm is the most favourite time***(You should give detailed information about its number)* to watch news in January while THE number of people (...) are **3**(*Avoid multi-interpretation so that you are supposed to write its quantity clearly).*  
  
... 6 pm fall at about 4 million viewers , but it still became ...  
*In May, the number of people (...) illustrate the close number while 1 pm show the lowest viewers.***(Please, rewrite this because readers difficult to get the point)**  
  
Meanwhile, in August both of**viewers in 6 pm and 9.30 pm decrease***(Where are the detailed informations?. This is the body paragraph so that you should show the deatiled data)* while the number of ...  
  
**Please, review my notes.  
Keep Writing  
GOOD LUCK**
**What are the causes of water scarcity? What are your solutions?**  
  
Water becomes something that really precious at present, a huge number of areas in this world difficult to find water. Development of an industry in a country is one of the causes. This essay will first discuss about how a company can appear water scarcity, and then talk about what policy government should do to reduce the problem.  
  
Waste materials from a factory not only cause air pollution, but also in society water source. Most of chemical substances as the result of company activities are thrown to river, dam, etc. In Indonesia, one of the big companies, called Lapindo, a Natural Gas and Earth Oil Company, threw all of their waste to a river near from inhabitants live place. As the result, people in that place hard to find water for their necessaries since the river as the main of water source throughout pollution. Not only in the river, company's waste also affected to live area of society at that place where most of them have to move in other place because their home cannot be used for staying as the impact of this industry's waster.  
  
The only one side that can change the big company habit is government. An expert from Economy Industry, University of Indonesia, stated that government has the biggest authority to solve this problem by a policy. Brave action should be taken to make the company reduce their activities that can result was matter and eventually affect to human life. Stopping of company activities can be done if the warning is ignored by them.  
  
All in all, one of causes that make water scarcity in an area is waste matter of company but it can be reduce if government take the assertive steps to these naughty companies.
Hai aini, again.  
let me give you some suggestion  
  
... only cause air pollution~~,~~*(unnecessary comma in this type of compound sentence)* but also in ...  
  
... company activities are thrown **to****into** river,  
  
... to move in other ~~place~~**places** because their home (...) of this industry's ~~waster.~~**waste**  
*other + noun plural*  
  
... that can change ~~the big company habit~~**the big company's habit** is government.  
  
Overall your essay is good, maybe if you add a suggestion in your conclusion, it will boost your score  
  
Keep writing nur! :)
Hello  
  
Water has becomes something that (...) in this world difficult to finding water. Development of an industry in a country is one of the causes. (This sentence is perfect you must know about that)  
  
my tips: when you writing, you must know about grammar, and make sure your spelling is corect, donn't jump from one idea to the next topic or Go off topic, you must focus in your topic.  
  
this is my correction for you, feel free to correction me too.
***The graph below gives information about international tourist arrivals in five countries.***  
  
A breakdown of the figure for international tourist coming in five different countries, measured in millions, over a period of 15 years is shown in the line graph. Overall, it can be seen that total tourist arrivals increased from 1995 to 2010. We can also see that all countries got the highest arrivals in 2010 except the USA.  
  
In 1995, around 70 million visitors come to the USA while the figure of France stood at around a half of that amount. The tourist coming to Malaysia was at just above 20 while Egypt and Brazil stood at relatively the same number in just below 10.  
  
Between 1995 and 2010, it can be seen that the number of visitors coming to the USA was relatively the highest among other countries although 2010 saw the same number between France and the USA. It was caused by the significant increase of France, jumping from just above 30 to around 90. There was a steady growth to around 50 for Malaysia while Brazil and Egypt remained the same below 25.  
  
(176 Words)  
  
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... for international tourist**s** coming in five (...) period of 15 years,STARTED IN 1995, is shown in ...  
  
around 70 million visitors ~~come~~CAME to the USA while the figure ~~of~~FOR France stood at around a half of ~~that amount~~IT .  
  
FURTHERMORE , There was a steady growth (...) and Egypt remained ~~the same below~~UNCHANGE WHICH WAS BELOW 25 MILLIONS HOLIDAY MAKERS. .
**The graph below gives information about international tourist arrivals in five countries.**  
  
A comparison of the information about how many international tourists arrivals in five countries (Brazil, Egypt, Malaysia, France, and the USA) between 1995 and 2010 is shown by the line graph. Overall, all of the countries experienced an upward trend in the number of visitors. The USA was the most popular destination whereas Brazil was the least.  
  
From 1995 to 2000, four countries increased slightly while the number of tourists came to France rose sharply from 30 to 60 million. The USA as the city of the highest number of international comers gained 80 million in 2000 while the others were around 30. The increasing happened slightly in the next five years, and the USA held this position while Egypt and Brazil were a bear at above 10.  
  
Between 2005 and 2010, when four countries rose gradually, the number of tourists decreased in the USA. However, the rising number of international comers in France gained the highest position as same as the USA at above 80 million in 2010. Malaysia which was about 40 million obtained the third position while Egypt and Brazil became the next destination about under 20 and above 10 million respectively.  
  
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... destination whereas Brazil ~~was the least.~~ SHOWED THE REVERSE. (INSTEAD OF USING THE SAME PATTERN OF ALL SENTENCES, YOU NEED TO FIGURE OUT ANOTHER ONE).  
  
the one which is experiencing an increase is the number of the tourists, not the country it self, so you need to put it in the beginning of the sentence in order to avoid misunderstanding.  
  
you do not need to go detail but please use appropriate data.  
... while the others were **around 30.**  
they are not around 30, but France.  
you can alter it to -> ....while others started the year with below 35 millions holiday makers.  
  
the highest position as **THE** same as the USA at
**Writing IELTS Task 1- international tourist arrivals**  
  
A breakdown of the number foreign people (unit in million) who come in five countries during 15 years. overall, it can be seen that the number of visitor in all countries illustrated upward trend, eventhough 2010 saw a slight decrease in international tourist arrivals in USA.  
  
Foreign visitor arrivals in Egypt and Brazil stood at quite same number about 10 in 1995, eventhough both of them saw the lowest number at that time. Meanwhile, in the 5 years later, France comes at 60. However, USA still become the most popular destination country.  
  
On the other hand, in 2005, all of destination countries illustrated a steady rise and peaked at 5 difference point. However, Brazil became country that was visited by the fewest number of visitor at that time. In 2010, France and USA number of visitors illustrated same point in about 90 and both of them demonstrated higher number of comers than Malaysia that just experienced about 50 visitors. Whereas, Egypt still became more popular than Brazil. (167w)
FIRST OF ALL, PLEASE INCLUDE THE PICTURE OF THIS GRAPH.  
  
A BREAKDOWN OF THE FIGURE FOR INTERNATIONAL HOLIDAY MAKERS COMING TO FIVE DIFFERENT COUNTRIES FROM 1995 TO 2010, AS A PROJECTED YEAR, A 15-YEAR PERIOD IS REVEALED IN THE LINE GRAPH.  
  
THE NUMBER OF TOURISTS COMING TO EGYPT STOOD THE SAME AS BRAZIL AT APPROXIMATELY 10 MILLIONS IN THE FIRST PERIOD.
***What are the causes of water scarcity? What are your solutions?***  
  
In the modern age, water is a crucial factor needed by everyone. It is popularly believed that water scarcity happens to most of countries over the world. This essay will first discuss about the causes resulting water scarcity caused by over water use and El-Nino, then present the seawater and weather modification can be the solution to overcome the problem.  
  
We live in the situation when we cannot stop the use of water. The company can also get the soil water and give the adverse effect such as the lack of water. Research conducted by Mrs. Yui Yoshioka from Fukuoka University found that over usage of water is the cause causing water scarcity in most countries. However, she also stated that El-Nino, the weather condition which summer takes longer than raining season, was another cause as well.  
  
Here are my solutions. Firstly, the company should replace soil water from seawater with using the salt filtration and convert it to be the water without salt. It can scientifically increase the water storage level inside the soil just above 35 percent according to newscientist. Also, weather modification such as giving salt to clouds can solve the dry season although it cost much money. This can be the solution for drought in a particular country. These are the suitable solutions and proved by science.  
  
All in all, soil water used by company should be converted to sea water to preserve the water level in the land. Also, El-Nino condition can be overcome by spreading salt to clouds.  
  
(253 Words)
Ivan, your task accuracy could land you a score of 7. You really nailed the paraphrasing of the prompt in your presentation. Although, grammar problems did exist, your presentation was still clear and the presentation of your ideas, understandable enough to describe the tone and purpose of the essay.  
  
With regards to your coherence and cohesiveness, the flow of discussion is logical. You did not miss a beat in the manner that you offered both scientific research and public responsibility in the prevention of water shortage. You introduced the El-Nino discussion at just the right point. I have to point out that you could have further presented the El-Nino discussion to support your essay if you had presented it as a separate paragraph topic instead.  
  
It is your lexical resource that may end up with a lower score of 6 along with your grammar range and accuracy. You used some technical terms to describe the situation and the method by which it can be dealt with so there is a sense of complexity in the grammar use and sentence development. I am just not sure if you will have the opportunity to present such detailed information in the actual test because there won't be a chance to research information for your essay when the actual test comes.  
  
Overall, you have done a tremendously good job on this essay. Congratulations!
**The graph below shows the average daily figures for Channel One News over a 12-month period**  
  
A breakdown of the information about the average daily figures for watching Channel One News during a 12-month period is represented in the line graph. It is measured in millions of viewers per day. Overall, it is noticable that most people watch this channel at 6 pm although a large number of watcher tended to see at 11 pm in August.  
  
Initially, except for the 11 pm figure, others daily time had been started since January. The number of viewers at 9.30 pm increased gradually by almost 1 to approximately 4 in May while the 6 pm figure went up and down. However, the quantity of watcher at 1 pm remained unchanged between January and December at around 1.2.  
  
Concerning to the new section, the 11 pm number started in May, and surprisingly it increased steeply at 4 over a 4-month period. On the contray, there was a sudden decrease in the number of watcher at 9.30 pm at close to 1 during the same period, but it experienced to rise again until December. Meanwhile, there was a downward trend in the 6 pm number, and it bottomed at rougly 3 in December. (193)  
  
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Septia, I believe this is another well-written piece of work from you. I can see that you have taken my previous feedback into account. This essay depicts information clearly about the graph and summarizes all the main features comprehensively. Yet, I can still notice some rooms for improvements. I hope the detailed descriptions below would help you.  
  
- ...a 12-month period is ~~re~~ presented in the line graph. (see the difference between represents and presents)  
- ...it is ~~noticable~~noticeable that most people watch this channel at 6 pm although a large number of ~~watcher~~watchers~~tended to see~~watch their TVs at 11 pm in August. (tend to = not yet happen, watch = there's an action)  
  
- ... ~~others~~other daily time...  
- ...increased gradually ~~by~~from almost 1 to approximately 4 in...  
- However, the quantity of watcherS at 1 pm remained unchanged..  
  
- On the ~~contray~~contrary , there was a...  
- ... it bottomed at rough ly 3 in December.  
  
Hope this helps :)
**Writing Task I  
The pie charts below show electricity generation by source in New Zealand and Germany in 1980 and 2010.**  
  
The comparison of electricity productions by original sources in New Zealand and Germany during three-decade periods is revealed in the pie charts. Overall, both countries experienced a fluctuation trend in electricity produces between 1980 and 2010. Then, as can be seen, that New Zealand was the major of coal production during the years which became the highest rather than the production of Germany in 2010, but contrary the nuclear was totally produced in Germany during the periods.  
  
As can be seen that, there are four main productions of electricity sources are provided in New Zealand, where in Germany has five electricity sources. According to the results, in New Zealand there are two main resources included hydro and coal which rose gradually during the years by approximately three times for coal and by 16% for hydro sources between 1980 and 2010. While, in Germany, both of those production sources saw a steady trend for coal and fell sharply in hydro sources by one in twenty.  
  
On the other hand, both of natural gas and petroleum original sources in two countries saw a fluctuation trends. In New Zealand, the production of natural gas experienced a dramatic fall by 28%, and the petroleum productions also dropped in 2010. These conditions were similar to Germany, where both of petroleum and natural gas also witnessed a significant drop in 2010. (226 words)  
  
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*Incomplete Picture*
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Complete Picture
Hello sarlinda, I give you my correction.  
  
Did you have know about rules of writing test 1? is better if you just write about 150-165 words, if you write more words is probably making your score down, but if you sure not wrong words is no problem. Don't forget conciseness ( aprroximately 8 until 15 words in one sentence), cohesion (ideas of paragraphs), coherence (all ideas should be easily understood by the reader), composition (use the correct essay structure attention your grammar!) thankyou.
**The graph below gives information about international tourist arrivals in five countries.**  
  
A breakdown of the information about international visitor arrivals in five different countries is depicted in the line graph. It is measured in millions at five-year interval from 1995 to 2010. Overall, it can be seen that USA was the most popular place to be visited over the time, and France appeared to gain the same number with USA in last year.  
  
To begin with, only USA which had the largest starting point in the number of tourist arrivals. It stood at roughly 70, and stayed at 85 in 2010. On the contrary, France had a significant increase of 60 in the figure for tourist, and it projected to peak at 70 in 2010.  
  
Concerning to the rest parts, the quantity of Malaysian visitors increased markedly by 20 from 30 in 2005 to 50 in 2010. Meanwhile, the figure for Brazil; and Egypt had a similar pattern which started at approximately just under one ten. Egypt appeared to lead slightly from Brazil in visitor number at just over a fifth and rougly 18 in a row. (176)  
  
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... about international visitor **arrivals** [it is a verb, so i think you need a conjunction like "which" and so on] in five different countries ...  
  
It stood at roughly 70~~,~~ and stayed at 85 in 2010 [and ==> parallel structure==> comma is not need .  
  
... increased markedly by 20 from 30 in 2005 to 50 in 2010[ as far as i know, in IELTS task 1, you do not need to go detail] .  
... at just over a fifth and rouglyroughly 18 in a row.  
  
overall, your writing is good.. keep spirit