dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The paragraph is acceptable as an English learners writing exercise. The message of the essay regarding the importance and benefits of knowing how to use the English language is clearly referenced, even though there are grammatical errors here and there. However, there are a few arguable points in the presentation. One of the arguements will be that certain countries refuse to learn English and do not use it as a medium of education in their countries.  
  
Going to grammar specifics, the writer should learn more about the use of plural past indicatives. There are instances in this presentation where present indicative plurals should be used but the former was used instead. Proof reading should also be practiced so that obvious errors like the missing period at the end of this paragraph can be avoided.
## the punishment for youth crime

  
  
Teenagers should be received adults' punishment if they commit crimes. I completely agree with that statement. Government should put into practice the same laws about crimes for both the young and the adult for two reasons: make young criminals recognize their serious consequences and frighten others who have intentional motive for crimes.  
  
For the most part, the chances are that teenagers can not realize how severe their bad results are. Therefore, Nations' responsibility is to make them understand that. The common characteristics of the young is that they are critically arrogant and impetuous, especially when Government's law is over-protected them. Youngsters freely commit crimes such as thef, robbery, burglary and even murder since they comprehend that there's no heavy rules or punishments for them.From that, government strongly need to execute adults' penalties according to their deserts.  
  
Apart from that, young people who have intentional motive for crime will be worried and scared of that rules. Teenagers clearly understand that there is no young partial right at all, everything is absolutely fair between adults and youngsters. To be more precise, if we execute adult's penance for juvenile criminals such as go to the jail or to be under sentence of dealth. Hopefully, it in somehow can make them change their behavioral style.  
  
To sum up, I highly believe that young criminals should be penalized as adults.
There is a difference between a juvenile delinquent who participates in crimes more often attributed to the youth and a juvenile who enacts adult crimes. That is a differentiation made clear in the orginal presentation but is missing from the replacement. The rewording is only partially accurate and can be considered misinformation due to the lacking referee. It is not topic accurate and the TA score will reflect that. The complete writer opinion will buffer that deduction though as the writer's opinion Is clearly established with supporting reasons. Good job !  
  
Nations'  
Government's  
Review proper noun and apostrophe usage. These are not proper nouns. Learn about how to write words in plural form as well. An apostrophe is not required.  
  
The writer has writing problems in reference to singular v. plural word usage. His lowest score will come in the GRA section. The aforementioned problem will affect the score in relation to proper English sentence formation. Regardless of the existing clarity of the explanations, points will still be deducted for incorrect grammar.
## physical activity among Australians

  
  
I truly confused by the information shown, the main question is what kind of data should I compare, same age but different genders? or same genders but different age? As the graph shows only numbers in the year 2010, should I describe the similar trend between the two genders? Also after I finished the essay, I realise my overall paragraph seems too short with only a single sentence, but how to have a greater logic to link the datas from the graph in 20 minutes?  
  
(Sorry, there were too many questions needed to be answered, because this is my first time someone would gave me feedbacks about my IELTS essay)(Thanks for your feedback)  
  
The bar chart compares the percentages of average physical exercise level between Australian males and females aged from 15 to 65 or above, recorded in the year 2010.  
  
It is clear that there were more females than males who does daily physical activities except the first group.  
  
Females in the group aged 45 to 54 had the highest amount of physical exercises, with a proportion of 53.3%. By contrast, in the same age group, males does only a mere 43.1% of regular work-outs.  
  
On the other hand, males who aged 15 to 24 provided the highest activity level of 52.8% than females. At the age of 35 to 45, there is a rising trend in both genders, also they stayed about the same percentage in the age 65 and over.  
  
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I'll forgo a review of your report at this point. Due to your obvious confusion and questions, it will be better to clarify things for you first.  
  
what kind of data should I compare  
There are no set formats for data comparison. Report upon the available information in the way you would be most comfortable doing so. Even during an actual test, should 2 or more students receive the same image, their reporting style /formats will vary due to different analysis approaches.  
  
should I describe the similar trend between the two genders?  
Yes. Report on the trends separately. One sentence, or 2 for each gender depending upon what tend you want to present ( high, Iow, or high AND low).  
  
to link the datas from the graph in 20 minutes?  
Do not write in compressed sentences. Always have a topic/anchor sentence at the start. Then follow-up with individual comparison data based on the graph. One idea per sentence. As long as you write at least 3 sentences, you will be sure to meet the minimum word requirement.  
  
For this image, I would have done the comparison on a per gender basis to make it easier to develop the paragraphs. One for men and one for women. I would have done a joint gender based comparison only for the trending statement.  
  
I hope I was able to clarify your questions. Then try writing a new task 1 essay using my advice. Let's see how you will do. feel free to ask new questions in the new thread.
*Merged:*  ## IELTS Task 1 essay Physical activity in Australia in both genders with different age groups

  
  
I think it is much better than the last time, but the time for organising still be a problem, as I have missed mentioning both genders have similar levels of physical activity in their oldest group, and the same trends in the middle. Next time I will try to write three sentences in the main paragraph section(paragraphs 3-4).  
  
The bar chart illustrates how physical activity frequencies varies in ages between Austalian males and females in the year 2010.  
  
It is clear that women did more physical exercises as their ages increase, whereas men did most of the physical activity in the youngest group. After men reached thier middle age, their physical activity kept rising as they grow older.  
  
The exercise level for females saw a rising trend from their youngest group to their third oldest group, from 47.7% to 53.3% respectively. After a 0.3% drop in the group aged 55 to 64, females that did physical work-outs fall to the lowest level of 47.1% in the oldest group.  
  
On the other hand, the youngest group of males provided the highest amount of physical exercises been done with about 53%. It then dramatically decrease to the lowest point at the group aged 35 to 44 by 39.5%, while continue to keep exercising and reached the second highest level of physical activity in the oldest group, with 46.7% to be precise.  
  
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Do not fool yourself. Since you committed the same errors as the last time, you cannot make any claims of improvement to your work /writing. You are lying to yourself if you believe that. You will not improve if you try to make yourself believe that there are positive changes to your presentation when you very well know there are none.  
  
You knew that you committed the same mistakes as the last time since you mentioned it here. What prevented you from correcting these mistakes immediately? It should have been worth the effort since this is a practice test. The timer could have been reset for your do-over. By coming here knowing the same errors exist, you leave me with with nothing to review. It is senseless for me to repeat the same advice.  
  
When you can spot mistakes and ommissions in the work of others, and can see the same in your work and knowingly fail to correct these problems then, there is a problem with you and your learning process. You can give advise, even if it is only rewriting the work of others, but cannot take or accept advice for your own improvement as evidenced by your current work. So why should other students take your advice and believe it to be better than that of the educational consultant?  
  
Next time, make an effort to show true improvement by correcting the errors you spot yourself. That is what proofreading for a higher score is all about. Otherwise, I will believe that you just do not want to learn. When that happens, I am done with you.
## The chart below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea

  
  
The chart compares the outcomes of a research on the customers' buying and drink habits in five Australian cities.  
  
It is clear that most people in these five cities like drinking coffee. Moreover, these coffee consumers preferred to go to a cafe rather than purchasing fresh or instant coffee in the past four weeks.  
  
Buying coffee or tea in a cafe is the most popular among people in Sydney,Melbourne,Brisdane and Hobart, which accounts for approximately 61%,64%,55% and 63% respectively. By contrast, fresh coffee is not welcomed in all five cities, especially in Brishbane and Adelaide, whose proportion is both lower than 35%, at only 34%.  
  
The percentage of consumers in these cities who use instant coffee ranks the second, except in Adelaide, where half of people drink instant coffee and this figure is just 1% higher than drinking in the cafe. Meanwhile, Hobart sees the largest amount of instant coffee,with the share of 54%.  
  
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The writer has not completed A thorough score increasing analysis of the presentation. An adequate investigative presentation should be at least 175 rather than 154 words only. While the latter is a little above the minimum word count, it is not enough to show the full writing range of the author. Something best achieved with the former word count.  
  
Clearly identify the type of chart indicated as the image to help define how the information was presented. Each chart type has a specific function so it is better to be clear about it in relation to task accuracy early on. A quick listing of the 5 cities in the summary will also help add to the clarity of the trending statement. The trending statement would have also benefitted from the mention of highs and lows with regard to duect cities being mentioned. Both sections would have gotten a scoring boost if these messing presentation data were included.  
  
The writer will get a failing L R score due to his lack of spelling expertise. He did not even bother to double check the correct spelling for Brisbane in the chart. He spelled it incorrectly several times in various paragraphs. Neither did he use proper word spacing when using commas which will result in GRA deductions.
@elalan  
Hello! Sorry to interrupt, I can provide some little suggestions about your task 1 questions. But I must say that I cannot gave professional advices, because I am also suffered by task 1 questions...  
  
First of all, the last sentence in paragraph 3, why people who buy fresh coffee(in Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane and Hobart) was contrasted to ones buying coffee or tea in a cafe(in Brisbane and Adelaide)? I think it will be more proper to contrast that buying coffees or tea in a cafe in Adelaide, considered it is not buying drinks in a cafe is the most popular one in Adelaide(it was instant coffee instead).  
  
And the sentences in paragraph 4 is quite hard to understand...it may be improved by emphasizing that buying instant coffee is the most popular option to citizens in Adelaide, and contrasting to other options in Adelaide, since the figures of buying instant coffee were not the highest compared to other cities. Also, as long as I could not use a ruler to measure, why Hobart had the largest percentage of people who buys instant coffee? It seems that it has the same percentage with Brisbane...  
  
I have no further questions, I hope my advise could help.
## international corporations impact on people

  
  
It is considered that the incredible growth of international corporations and their cross-border developments will have effective ways for people in the world or not. From my perspective, I tend to concur that the advantages of their footprints overweigh those disadvantages in numerous aspects.  
  
In one respect, one of the most highlighted benefits has to expand great opportunities for occupational vacancies in different countries, which will solve the problem of labor resources in countries. They can hire blue-collar workers in economically developing countries at a lower price than in developed countries. Besides, globalization is to enhance the living standards of native people, and Samsung is one typical example. Once they localize their factories in Bac Ninh province, it has become a home for thousands of employees and offers all of them rest, transport, healthcare, and education.  
  
In another respect, it is admitted that the drawbacks of the expansion of multinational companies limited the development of local companies, especially small ones. National companies have to compete with huge companies to seek high-quality employees because most people often apply to big companies to seek challenges to improve themselves. Moreover, national companies would be controlled in many aspects of the market by more successful companies. Price and quality of productions would be competitive among the companies, and the citizens tend to choose international brands.  
  
To sum up, the rising international firms generate some problems; nevertheless, in my point of view, its benefits surpass in a lot of aspects for individuals.
This is a single opinion essay that bases the opinion defense paragraphs on the agreement or disagreement of the writer with the statement provided. It does not leave any room for a comparative essay presentation that shows indecision or a change of opinion coming from the writer within the reasoning paragraphs. That said, the writer has managed to offer contradicting opinions in the defense portion of the discussion which will lead the examiner to score the essay accuracy on a dubious or unclear opinion presentation. To prevent that failing score, the writer must never change his opinion in the middle of the writing. He must never use a comparison discussion either. He must simply offer 2 opinions that will convince the readers that his opinion has a factual basis to be believed. By the way, the writer also altered the discussion instruction from agree or disagree to advantages versus disadvantages, there will be slight score deduction for that redirected prompt discussion since he still managed to respond correctly to the question. The problem was in the way the answer was formatted. He should not have used the A/D format for the response.
**Topic:**  
## The pie chart shows the amount of money that a children's charity located in the USA spent and received in one year, 2016.

  
  
**Response:**  
The given two pie charts summarizes the revenues and expenditures by a charity for children situtated in the USA by the year 2016.  
  
At the onset it is clear that total revenue was higher than expenditures by roughly 300,000 dollars. The greatest source of money was donated foods while program services took away most of the funds.  
  
Talking about the revenue sources, well above three quarters, which is 86.6%, of the total income came from donated foods. From the remaining categories, community contributions was the second highest impactful source by bringing in 10.4% of the income. Program revenue and other income made up a very small amount, 2.2% and 0.4% respectively. Similarly, by contributing 0.2% each, investment income and government grants contributed the least in the income of the charity.  
  
Coming to the expenditures, a large portion of the costings were occupied by program services, which is 95.8%. Among the remaining tiny source of expenses, fundraising took 2.6% while management and general cut 1.6% of the charity's total budget. The total revenue was $53,561,580 which was just enough to cover the expenditures of $53,224,896.  
  
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The opening summary will immediately result in a lower GRA consideration due to the run-on nature of the presentation. It does not properly represent the academic format of a 3-5 sentence paragraph. This presentation should have been presented over a 3 sentence discussion owing to the individual nature of each information piece provided.  
  
While the trending paragraph showed potential, the writer mistakenly included an actual measurement reference. This negated the content written and tuned it into a data paragraph instead. A trending indicator does not include any actual information yet, assumed or otherwise. save those information for the actual reporting sections.  
  
The presented reporting paragraphs are well analyzed.These also meet the meremum sentence requirement for the paragraph analysis. One might say that the writer did his best work in these sections.
## the issue of diarrhea among kids

  
  
Pneumonia and diarrhea are the two major diseases that kill many children, especially in Africa and Asia. These are dangerous diseases and often occur in children, so that I will give two leading causes and two suitable solutions for this disease.  
  
Most cases of pneumonia in children are viral, including RSV (Respiratory Syncytial Virus), Adenovirus, Parainfluenza virus, and Influenza virus. These viruses can spread quickly through the respiratory tract, especially during sudden weather changes, seasonal changes, and poor environmental sanitation. As for diarrhea, according to the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention: About 88% of diarrhea-related deaths are caused by unsafe water, inadequate sanitation, and inadequate sanitation. Rotavirus is the leading cause of acute diarrhea and accounts for approximately 40% of hospital admissions for diarrhea in children under five years of age.  
  
To improve children's health, I have come up with two suitable solutions to reduce the number of cases and unnecessary deaths in children. For pneumonia, the family should take the initiative to get the child vaccinated fully and on schedule with vaccines such as diphtheria-pertussis-tetanus. Clean, avoid spreading, do not smoke medicine, cooking in the room with small children. Isolate children from sick people to prevent spreading into epidemics. As for family diarrhea, they should strengthen personal hygiene in their residences and ensure food safety and hygiene and water sources in their places. And most importantly, the family should know how to properly handle a child with acute diarrhea.  
  
In conclusion, pneumonia and diarrhea are still happening around the world. I hope that the above solutions will partly reduce the risk of disease in the future.
This essay is suitable only as an English writing exercise and not an IELTS Task 2 essay. The reason? The topic is too vast and requiring actual researched information. These 2 factors disqualify the prompt as a Task 2 topic.  
  
While the prompt given is pretty straightforward, the representation makes it more complex with the inclusion of regional references. However, the actual discussion does not focus on these areas thereby creating a disconnection between the restatement and the discussion. One of the two presentations is incorrect.  
  
Since Pneumonia and Diarrhea are 2 different illnesses with different underlying causes and cures, these must be discussed using separate paragraph presentations. The combined paragraph format has resulted in a confusing discussion presentation.  
  
There are instances where the writer does not make sense with his claims. He failed to double check and correct the following error:  
  
Clean, avoid spreading, do not smoke medicine, cooking in the room with small children.  
I have never seen anyone smoke medicine unless it was medical marijuana, which is not applicable in this case. Avoid spreading what? what does cooking have to do with anything? There is no logic to be forend in this sentence.
***Some people think that hosting an international sports event is good for the country, while some people think it is bad.***  
## Discuss both views and state your opinion.

  
  
It is believed by some people that hosting an international sporting competition is a beneficial chance for a country, while from other points of view, these events pose a negative effect. In this essay, I will discuss both positions and give my opinion regarding this matter.  
  
There are several reasons why hosting an international sporting event is good for a country. First of all, the hosting country will attract many visitors around the world to these events so this will bring benefits to the service industry of this country. Because, besides following sporting events, almost all visitors will spend their money to visit and experience famous traveling destinations, tourist services in the hosting country. In addition, hosting an international competition with a lot of tourists will help the hosting country broadcast their national image, especially their service industry to the world. Therefore, this will be a potential chance to develop the country's service industry and bring economical benefits to this country. Secondly, being the organization of sporting events will stimulate the pride of each individual to their country and being a positive promotion to help this country's athletes try their best to give the champion for their country.  
  
On the other hand, organizing an international sporting event may make some drawbacks to the hosting country. First, hosting these events demand a country to pay a big amount of money to upgrade the infrastructure of their sport venue and other preparatory fees. Especially with some countries where the infrastructure of their sport venues are old, this will be a hard game among benefits and negative impacts. Secondly, the reception of a large number of foreign guests will lead to the risk of fraud, riff of prices to the foreign tourists so this issue can make a negative impression on tourists to the hosting country. Moreover, many tourists visit, environmental problems are also concerned due to the increased amount of waste.  
  
In conclusion, becoming a hosting of national sporting events would bring both sides of effect to the hosting nation but I believe that the advantages will outweigh the disadvantages.  
  
Please help me to check and estimate my essay thank you verymuch