I would like to first start off by correcting your grammars & sentence structures.  
While some argue*s* that ... be held for all ...  
... due to its ~~necessary~~  scarcity and the limitation ...  
  
Each living life is deserve[R]s to live ... However, ~~because of~~ due to ..., the natural habitats are ...  
  
~~Also,~~  The connection ... to protect ~~all of~~  them in order to ...  
  
However, I incline~~d~~ that this notion ...  
  
Mosquitos are responsible for ~~the~~  most ... Dengue fever~~, another~~ which is a ...  
  
... species  ~~should be urgently protected~~ requires immediate protection/attention.  
  
... wildlife ~~animal king~~ due to the catastrophic environment consequences resulted from daily activities.  
  
IT IS EASY TO READ PLENTY ...  
--> This sentence does not actually make sense to me. When you try to squeeze too much contents in one sentence, the meaning you are trying to bring across become bleak. You may change the sentence to:  
  
1) "It is common to read plenty of news about the deaths of blue whales, or news such as only 30 African Native Rhinos are left in the world." This way, the message you are trying to bring across is clearer --> that it is common to find such news. OR  
  
2) "... deaths of wildlife and endangered species due to the disastrous environment pollution." --> trying to bring across that these news have become common due to the environment pollution.[/R][/R]  
  
These animals are ~~the~~  of paramount ... suffer ~~the~~  negative impacts ... --> though I am unsure of the whether the content is right, I will not comment on it. But it may be better for you to be clearer in this. You may want to explain why would the death of these animals lead to the die-out?  
  
... research could be ~~insufficient~~  inefficient? ~~in the~~  due to the invaluable genes ...  
  
ANOTHER CAUSE IS THAT ... THEREFORE, IT COULD PUT ...  
  
--> I do not deny your context, but these 2 sentences do not seem to fit in the paragraph. First, you are talking about endangered species should be urgently protected. You should focus on this point and do not divert from your main point of this paragraph. Thus, you should elaborate on why these animals should be protected? and not "why they are not protected".  
  
... if humans ~~might be~~ are capable of ... due to its **equal rights and values**, ~~however~~, I strongly believe that ~~the~~ only a few ... to be protected ~~necessarily~~.  
  
--> To be frank, your conclusion does not make sense when I try to read at it at the first glance. I had to read multiple times in order to get your message. P/S: "although" does not go with "however"  
  
My opinion is that you are trying to squeeze in many superflours linking words. Paragraph 2 will be a very good example. "However, Also, However". Do not get my idea wrong. I am not saying that it is wrong to use linking words, but you should ensure that the linking words fit in and are not too repetitive. You have to make sure that readers find the essay "smooth" when they are reading.  
  
Another issue I notice from your essay is that your sentences are abit too "choppy". This means that sometimes you divert away from your idea and your following sentence does not support what you previously said. For example: **"MOREOVER, BIOLOGICAL AND ... ANOTHER CAUSE IS THAT HUMAN ... "**  
  
These two sentences are totally unrelated and i hope you can understand what I mean by that. When I read through your essay, I hope to see a flow - this brings to another, or a point is elaborated and explained further. and not just "suddenly" bring up another sentence which is unrelevant to what you're trying to bring across.  
  
Some tips that I have for you  
- Improve on your sentence structures to ensure that your message is bring acrossed clearly.  
- Improve on your grammar  
- Plan ahead before you start writing. this helps to ensure that your point is clear.  
  
I hope you won't feel offended / disappointed / discouraged by my comment. I am also someone who have suffered from poor essay writing and my basic skills were extremely bad. I hope my comments can help you to identify your mistakes and you can continue to work on them. Remember, you are the only one who can make it works !! All the best to you :))