dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**People have different views about the internet is a good means of connecting people. Others believe that it may not a best place to search information. This essay will discuss both of this view and give my opinion.**  
  
Internet is a great source, but reliable enough?  
  
In the twenty first century, internet playing a prominent role in human's life. On one hand, internet gives a useful information related to education, business, and entertainment etc., which help humans to get the required details briskly. On the other hand, adolescence imagination is at jeopardy as we are completely depending on the internet for any information. Often students and youngsters addicted to internet and spending lot of time over the internet.The dichotomy of openions for and against views on the internet usage will be discussed in the next paraphrase.  
  
Internet has created a revolution to software industry for the past 2 decades. Now a days, most of the appliances like Mobilephone, Laptop, Tabs enhanced the humans lifestyle. For an instance, carrying a message from one location to another used to take days, and often months but now with the help of internet via Mobilephones transferring a message in seconds. Social media like Facebook, Watsapp connects the friends across the globe and able to share their happiness/sorrows with the friends.In addition, it acts as a medium of source with abundant information. It's an opportunity for the student to gain the adequate knowledge over the internet and execute in their daily life.  
  
Internet also have its own demerits similar to the merits. Most of the youngsters and students spend their active life over the internet for browsing outrageous websites. Recent researches endorsed that many students dropping out from school and college as they spend most of the time over the internet. Also, most of the information provided in the websites are not trustable infact abhorrent people quote unfavorable comments on the celebrities and become rivalries on each other.  
  
In conclusion, predominately internet is a great source of medium of connecting people and gives abundant information. At the same time, we need to make a thorough review for getting the right information from useful websites.
@jaikrishna  
It's a good essay.  
  
" The dichotomy of openions (...) will be discussed in the next paraphrase." I don't think you need this sentence.  
  
Now a days is better written as Nowadays.  
  
For an instance : For instance  
  
Social media (...) across the globe and is able to share their happiness or sorrows with ~~the friends~~them .  
  
It's an opportunity for the students to gain the -----  
  
Internet also has its own demerits ~~similar to the merits~~  
  
... many students drop~~ping~~ out from school and ...  
... provided in the websites ~~are~~is not trustable. In fact abhorrent people ...
hai jaikrisna  
  
before 'internet', i think you should add article 'the'  
......Laptop, Tabs ~~enhanced~~ the humans lifestyle = .....ehance  
Facebook, Watsapp connects = Facebook and WhatsApp connect  
their active life over the internetfor browsing outrageous websites = sedentary lifestyle  
in the past, carrying a message from one  
hey spend most of the time over the internet for? perhaps for googling unimportant information, playing games etc  
in the second idea perhaps you can add about the material online from internet which is offensive or dangerous like pornography  
  
thanks and goodluck hehe
Jaya, kindly provide the complete prompt instructions for our comparison with the essay that you wrote. It is important that we get a clear idea of the information you are being asked to compare and that the actual instruction is regarding any personal opinion on your part. This will be part of the task accuracy scoring that should be done when reviewing the essay that you wrote. Without the prompt, we cannot just the appropriateness of your response to the prompt provided. In a formally written essay, you are never to use short cut words such as "etc." in an effort to indicate "and so on and so forth". That is something that is allowed only in non academic writing. Avoid making the same mistake in your future practice essays.  
  
Next, make sure that you spell the words properly in your essays because you will lose points in the lexical resource section when you make mistakes such as "openions", which should have been properly spelled as "opinions". Wrong spelling of words, even though used in the proper context, will result in points deduction.  
  
Finally, I do not see a clear presentation of your personal opinion regarding the matter. It is important that your personal opinion be represented properly by the first person pronouns such as "I,me, mine". That way the examiner knows that this paragraph is not discussing the point of view of others but rather your opinion on the given discussion.
## The popularity of cinemas across the world

  
  
The table illustrates the total spectators in four different genre of movies in India, Ireland, New Zealand, and Japan. The main fact that stand out is action movie became the highest figure of all genre, while horror is the latest of all.  
  
Looking at the figures, action genre shows the highest spectator of all genre, with total of 29.9 million viewers, India dominates action movie at 8 million. This was followed by Ireland, New Zealand, and Japan with 7.6, 7.2 and 7.1 respectively.  
  
Turning to another, with total of 15.8 million, horror movie experience the lowest spectators of all genre. Moreover, Japan shows the lowest with only 2.2 million, compared with Ireland being the highest viewers in horror at 6.4, afterwards, it followed by New Zealand at 4.7 million and India at 2.5 million. Meanwhile, from overall perspective, India leads the number of spectators in all genres at 24.5 million in total. This is in contrast to Japan which occupy the lowest total of viewers.  
  
*
@Diazalichsan  
I've made the following edits to your article:  
  
The main fact that stand out is action movie ...  
The outstanding fact from the data is that the action movie had the highest figure of all while the horror secured the least....  
Turning to another, with total of 15.8 million...  
While observing another statistics, the horror movie experiences the lowest audience population of all the genres with the total of just 15.8 million....  
Meanwhile, from overall perspective...  
To cut a long way short, India leads the number of...  
*Overall your presentation of the data is fine, but I'd recommend you to structure your article in just two paragraphs.*
My first question is, whether I properly answer the question, because even though I provided reasons WHY they receive or not receive - I don't give enough reasons who deserve to receive greater salaries and didn't emphasis on my personal opinion.  
  
Other than that, I am not sure whether some of my sentences are not too long and too ambiguous.  
  
**Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal of money than people in other important professions. Some people think that is justified while others think it is unfair.  
  
Discuss both points and share your opinion.**  
  
## Huge money in professional sport

  
  
Popular sportsmen can have significantly greater salaries than people with other occupations. Many people state that sports professionals deserve that enormous rewards, whereas others believe sports athletes' salaries are unjustified. This essay argues that people's incomes should be determined by their contribution to the society and therefore sportsmen do not deserve to be that affluent.  
  
Most of the popular sportsmen have greater salaries because they attract more interest into communities. Their most important ability is to entertainment for people. Consequently, the most interesting they are, more people will be inclined to pay to watch them and concomitantly they will earn more money. For example, according to a research conducted by Harvard university, 90 of the asked people would rather pay to attend a sports event than pay for other activity.  
  
Despite the fact that being entertained is an essential part of our lives, the are other jobs who are of paramount importance for our lives. Every single day, many people risk their lives in order to provide safer and more convenient environment for us and our children. Moreover, without their work, our lives would have never been that satisfying, but unfortunately, their sacrifices are usually overshadowed due to the fact their work is not that attractive for the ordinary people. For instance, a recent study found out that the average salary of a sportsman is likely to be 5 times greater than the salary of a doctor, even though the doctor's contribution to the society is much greater.  
  
In conclusion, I think that although sports athletes' work is more interesting, people who have more significant impact on us and our lives, such as soldiers and police officers, deserve to have bigger incomes.
George, there is actually a way that you can get around the personal opinion requirement of the essay. That is to discuss the two sides of the story based upon your personal opinion immediately. How do you do that? First you have to give the public opinion on the matter and then, within the same paragraph, give your personal opinion for the discussion of the public belief. If it is something that you do not believe in, then immediately contradict the opinion by saying something like "I don't believe that this reason is justified because...". However, if you support the opinion, then say "In addition to this opinion, I also believe that...". So in both instances, you manage to give your personal opinion in a manner that makes it seem well developed in the essay even though you have not said a lot in terms of your personal opinion. This type of presentation creates a better, stronger, and more developed discussion of the prompt provided. When you get to the concluding part, you don't need to do anything more than just restate the prompt, pro and con opinion, and then state your final opinion on the matter. Now don't forget, you still have to include your personal opinion at the end of the opening statement so that the reader will know how to identify your personal opinion in the overall essay.
hai george, well in my opinion *sportmen duty is to not just entertain citizens, but also become a figure of a country in worldwide, particullary in olympic games consisting of international athletic constents. he have to be a winner to make his country proud of him, importantly, to make his country become one of the prestigeful countries in the world. so that's why a sportmen can rake it in from the government*. perhaps, it can be added as one of your main idea  
  
the are other jobs who are of paramount importance for our lives => there are other jobs which have paramount impacts to our lives  
i hope it will help you, thanks and good luck hehe
Can you help me to fix my short essay?  
  
**"Some people say that with the considerable benefit computers and the internet bring about, they can completely replace the traditional role of a teacher. Do you agree or disagree with it?"**  
  
## computer and Internet instead of a real teacher?

  
  
As we all know, teachers play an important part in life. They not only bring knowledge to students but also teach children to behave in the right way. However, in this modern society, some people say that with the considerable computers and the internet bring about, they can completely replace the traditional role of a teacher. I partly agree with it because of some reasons.  
  
On the one hand, I think computers bring about a lot of benefits. We can search anything we don't know on the internet to get information. In addition, we can learn many things that we aren't taught at school. For example, you can learn to play the guitar or other musical instruments. Besides, you can improve your foreign languages if you use computer wisely, such as learning Englisch by music or movies. Moreover, with a computer connected the ethernet, students can learn online at any time, in anywhere and with anyone. Therefore, nowadays, most of the people use the computer to study or work more effectively.  
  
On the other hand, computers and the internet also have many disadvantages because there are both good and bad things on the internet. Students haven't been mature so that they can easily be affected by negative factors. Besides, when they self-study, they may find it hard to concentrate on the lessons on the web. Moreover, if children study with a computer instead of going to school, they can get some diseases such as nearsightedness or a headache.  
  
Therefore, the role of traditional teachers is very important. When students don't understand the lessons, they can ask for the answer, so their study will be effective. In addition, when children have trouble in life or in the study, they can share it with teachers, or ask the teachers to know more about the job in future. Thus, students and teachers can make a good relationship and students will be more confident to face up the life.  
  
To sum up, we shouldn't appreciate very high the play of computer and the internet. Although they help us much in life, but we cannot consider that they can completely replace the role of traditional teachers. If we weren't taught by teachers, we wouldn't know to use a computer or even writing a letter.
Von, there is a major problem with the way that you presented the essay prompt in your first paragraph. You simply did a cut and paste job on the original material. Since this essay requires you to paraphrase or restate the prompt in your own understanding in order to prove your English comprehension ability, you will automatically receive a reduced mark in task accuracy due to the plagiarism involved in the opening statement.  
  
Now, as the essay clearly indicates that you have to pick one side of the argument to discuss, depending upon the examiner, you may or may not receive full marks for discussing both sides. That is because, upon close analysis of your work, the arguments that you present for each side makes sense. There is logic in your presentation. Therefore, the final score for that sort of unique discussion will solely be up to the discretion of the examiner. If you impress the examiner enough with your discussion of both sides, you just may gain full credit for your presentation. Otherwise, the examiner could choose to deduct points for non-compliance with the preset instructions in the prompt.
Hello,  
  
I found you've tried to discuss the both sides and, in my opinion, I think it is fine to do so. BUT it will be better if you state your point- agree or disagree in the first paragraph, which can make the reader understand your point of view easily.  
  
Also, I think there is a little bit mess because you throw many ideas, however, the coherence isn't enough. This makes your article like difference pieces of views without well-organized.  
  
Hope it helps!
Writing IELTS Task 1 (Diagram) Need Review and Suggestion  
  
## Number of cars in the maple leaf country

  
  
It is noticeable that the majority of Canadian owns only one car while a little group of them have two or more. Furthermore, almost half of the adult Canadian sum up the group of having no ownership of this type of vehicle and two cars in possession.  
  
The biggest group in this category, a little bit exceed from 50%, is adult in Canada who owns only a car in their garage. In the contrary, the smallest proportion of them or about only 5% possess more than two for their travel needs.  
  
Another group is Canadian with two cars which including about 25%. The last proportion is distribute among them who do not own any of this vehicle. It is less than a quarter or about only 15% of total Canadian adult population.  
  
*
Hey,  
  
Your text seems pretty solid to me. The last paragraph is a little bit confusing, you could improve your grammar in the last two sentences:  
  
The last proportion is distributed among those who do not own any vehicles. It is less than a quarter or about 15% of the total adult population in Canada.  
  
Also this:  
  
The biggest group in this chart, with a little bit over 50%, is adult in Canada who has only one car in their garage. On the contrary, the smallest group with about 5% possess more than two cars for travel needs.  
  
I think this improves the understanding of the paragraph and the essay in itself.
Wahyu, you cannot just rely on the diagram for the explanation in your summary report. That is precisely why your essay does not meet the minimum essay requirements and will most likely end up with a failing score for this essay. For starters, all of your paragraphs are only 1-2 line sentences. You know that the minimum requirement is 3 sentences and yet you did not even try to increase your sentence count in order to meet the minimum word requirement. When you write a summary report essay, you must do more than just list down the information in the chart. You have to make sure that you show the examiner that you understand what the report is all about and that you are capable of explaining it to the reader. This sort of test requires you to do analysis of the diagram and an expansion of the discussion. How you do that is up to you with regards to presentation. What is important is that you deliver in terms of all requirements for the essay. This essay needs more work and you need to learn to read more than just what is presented in the diagrams presented to you. No matter how simple it is, present an analysis of the information provided so that you can score better in the task accuracy and grammatical range and accuracy portion of the essay.
Hello,  
  
First of all, the words account doesn't meet the 150 words requirement. I think your sentences address the criteria of chart clearly, but the importance of a essay is to compare and summary. You should write the phenomenon you observe from the chart, and try to summary in a independent paragraph.  
  
Indeed, I have to admit that this essay is quite hard owing to the limit information. Because of it, I suggest maybe you can depict the trend of the car ownership in Canada, that will make your article looks more attractive.  
  
Hope it helps!
Please review and give suggestion to my essay. I'm in practice for my upcoming test.  
  
Question: **The use of mobile phones in public places is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places, so mobile phones should be banned in the same way. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
The utilization of mobile phones in public area is considered as unsympathetic action as smoking. The latter one is already imposed by strict rules in several places, and some opinion raise among public that it should be implemented to the use of this type of sophisticate technology as well. It is disagreed that the obligatory prohibition on this particular case should be urged and several relevant reason will be presented further in this essay.  
  
The human right is the first thing which should be protected and prohibit people from using mobile phones violate that fundamental aspect. When the sales of this communication technology product is permissible in every part of this world, just like food or other basic needs, it can be inferred that mobile phone has become an important part of human life. There are many research conducted on this discourse and the result is identical each other which told that mobile phone is just as important as daily meal. Thus, the urgency of law-making regarding this is not imperative.  
  
The level of harmful effect produced by mobile phone is another aspect to discuss. The considerable damage to social life influenced by people interact with their gadget in public places is non-existence until this essay is written. Conversely, smoking showed by many research have an obvious danger and the implementation of strict rules on it is a good decision. In this sense, to ban the use of mobile phones in public places is unreasonable.  
  
In conclusion, the right of every people to use their private cell phones and the minimum level of possible drawbacks affected to other citizen are the reason that a ban imposed on it is unacceptable. Therefore, it is easily rejected because such step does not have a significant impact for social life.
~~The latter one is already imposed by strict rules ...~~  
Strict laws have been already imposed against public smoking, not to mention, some voices are also being raised to ban the usage of handheld electronics in public spaces  
~~The human right is the first thing which should be protected and prohibit people from using mobile phones violate that fundamental aspect.~~  
With all due respect to one's right to utility, the prohibition of mobile phone usage violates some of the crucial societal aspects  
***Wahyu, I honestly think you've intentionally employed whole lot of vocabulary in this article. Let me say that such vast use of diction is toxic for the overall presentation of your essay. You'd rather simply convey your message via common but unique words.  
  
Best***
Wahyu, your opening statement doesn't make any sense. I believe that you tried to simply translate your line of reasoning from your mother language to English. Which created a very confusing presentation in the end. It is important that you present your thoughts in a simple yet understandable manner. I agree with Nanda that you accidentally used too many complex words in this essay. While that was a good attempt on your part to prove your lexical ability, it prevented you from creating an understandable paragraph. So next time, don't try to impress with your words. Try to impress using the logic and sense or meaning of your paragraph instead. It need not use complicated words if you don't know how to properly use the terms you have chosen to develop the paragraph. That is how you fail to get a passing score in one of the 4 major criteria for the test.  
  
Your line of reasoning in this essay is completely flawed and will result in a failing score. You cannot compare mobile phone use in importance to the need for food. Think about it, you will not die if you do not use your mobile phone in public for a few hours. However, if you do not eat for a number of hours, you will get hungry, weak, and, if you do not eat for days, most likely die. None of those scenarios exist in the event of being prevented from using your mobile phone in any instance. So the relevance of reasoning is unacceptable and illogical.
Thanks for your suggestion @nandasharma. I have to admit that i did it intentionally, and that is my method to learn new vocabularies. Next time i'll try to simplify my word.  
  
Dear @holt, I'm not trying to make my essay dazzling. It's just my effective way of learning new vocabulary by using it directly into my writing, and i admit that i still poorly manage it. Next time, i'll try to make my writing more simple and understandable. Thanks again for your suggestion. I have one question, is relevance of reasoning one of the scoring criteria in IELTS test?