dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Asol, once again, I will remind you to please post the complete instructions for your essay prompt. Do not use the prompt instruction for your title. That will eventually result in your suspension from the forum. Please post the complete prompt instructions in the message box along with your response essay. Without the complete instructions, I am unable to judge if this is an opinion essay or what. While I can guess what it is that you are supposed to do in this essay, the other students and contributors here may not be familiar with the instructions. In order to make sure that everyone can participate in helping you improve your writing skills, you need to post the complete prompt, not just the topic sentence.  
  
This essay, is an opinion statement that should clearly reflect whether you agree or disagree with the statement. The summary overview that you provided does not reflect your agreement or disagreement. All you had to say was "I fully agree" or "I completely disagree with the statement" in the summary introduction in order to properly complete the paraphrased summary portion.  
  
Based on the prompt requirements, there is no way that you can score higher than a 1. That means that your response to the prompt is questionable because the line of discussion dictated in the instructions were not followed in the response presented. There are also serious problems in the grammar development of the essay that really makes it difficult for the reader to understand what you mean without doing multiple readings. Aside from that, you do not base all of your reasons on well known facts or popular opinion. You actually did research in order to complete the task. Something that you will not be allowed to do in an actual test. So do not do research when you do your succeeding practice tests.
**Housing shortages in big cities cause great social consequences. Some think only governments action can solve this problem. To what extend do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## concern over housing crisis

  
  
Nowadays overpopulation and crowding of large cities are considered a big problem in the world. In fact, to get a space in the city, needs deep pockets and labourous search to find an ideal place to live in.There are so many reasons closely linked to this issue, Some think that government is a major player in tackling housing crisis. Before explaining my suggestion , l propose a wider range of opinion on the subject matter.  
  
Clearly, increasing density of population correlates to the job opportunities and having livelihood in the big cities. It seems to be one of the biggest factors of having inadequate places to live in. Finding a carefully thought of a solution needed to deal with as so many students coming to study from different countries. They need accomodation to stay in during their period of study.  
  
As far as i am concerned, dealing with this issue needs a great help from government. Providing a wide range of council houses for the dwellers, in the cities are very beneficial to solve the housing shortcome. As well as reacommodating student halls, factories, and large companies to the outskirts of the cities and towns, which generally, influences the expansion of housing for a wider variety of people.  
  
In addition, increasing the price of rent by the house owners should be given a mention. Price cap should at least to be considered to control rent in those affected areas. Also make sure that landlords comply with it.  
  
In conclusion, the concern over housing crises is a ligitimate one. It does need the government support, by allocating a great budget and imposing some rules that can at least steady the housing crisis.
Rozhnaz, you would have gotten a score no higher than a 3 in this essay. The reason for that is that you totally went against the prompt requirements and in the process, ended up changing the topic for discussion that you were expected to present. You were merely asked to either agree or disagree with the given statement.  
  
In such an essay, all you have to do is pick a side and present some supporting evidence to help justify your opinion. Nowhere in the prompt are you being asked to present an expanded opinion of the essay prompt. Therefore, you clearly misunderstood the prompt instructions and as such, cannot be given a passing score for any of the criteria involved in the scoring process. You cannot possibly get a passing score in the other aspects when you failed to properly address the task in the first place.  
  
To top it off, rather than simply restating the prompt requirements in the summary opening statement, you decided to present an opinion in that portion. As you know, the opening statement is only meant to test your English comprehension skills. You are expected to explain what you understand of the prompt and then explain how you will discuss the topic based on the instructions of the prompt. the opinions or additional information should only be seen in the body of the paragraph.  
  
Due to all of the mistakes that you made in the development of this essay, I really do not see how you can score any higher with this work that you produced.
reacommodating  
I correct how much I can. There were spelling mistakes.Also some places you can use synonyms.  
  
Additionally .You haven't disagreed anywhere on the paragraph. You have to put another side as well.I believe you have to present both views first and in conclusion your views on it.  
  
correction of spelling mistake and verbs and few synonyms. I have scored 6 in writing and also finding ways to increase to 7 and I found this site useful.  
  
... In fact, to get a space in the city.  
reasons ~~closely~~ linked to this issue...  
  
Before explaining my suggestion, l propose a wider range of opinion on the subject matter.  
  
... and having the livelihood in the big cities.  
... thought of a solution need~~ed~~ to deal with as so many ...  
  
... needs a greater degree of help from the government.  
... for the dwellers, it is very beneficial to solve the housing shortcoming. As well as transfer student halls, factories, ...  
  
In addition, increasing the rent by the house owners should be regulated.
## the importance of different kind of music

  
  
Nowadays, people have a variety of different musical styles to listen. Listening music have turned into indispensable part of a life for a wide range of reasons, and I would argue that traditional music outweighs the international music.  
  
The reasons why this activity have become the necessity comes from our childhood, as most kids enjoy listening music. As a result, in their later life, they have a tendency to consider the music as an essential tool which cheers them up. Apart from the type of entertainment, in most countries, listening music is regarded as an effective method to contribute learning process ranging from different languages to basic skills. Music is also an integral part of typical adult's life. Due to the fact that music can express and arouse our feelings which we cannot explain with words, most people see it as a need of the soul.  
  
In the light of increasing presence of the international music, some people think the traditional music used up its time. I completely disagree with this idea, as the traditional music carry more meanings than the international music such as the culture or history of the country. It can easily be understood the traditions or lifestyles of the people in early days just by listening such kinds of music. On the other hands, the international music is a commercial product, so put more emphasis on catchy notes rather than meaningful words. It will be so disappointing if one day the traditional music disappears from the music lists because of growing popularity of the pop music.  
  
In conclusion, music cannot be substituted by any other activity for aforementioned reasons, I restate that traditional music is more valuable than new types of international music because of the hidden meanings behind it.
Adam, you really did some pretty impressive work on this essay. You really understood the prompt and did your best to discuss the questions posed by the prompt. However, your excellent understanding of the prompt requirements was affected by the weak paraphrased opening and closing statement that you presented. While you did present the first few questions properly in the opening discussion, you lacked a representation for the part of the prompt that dictates:  
  
*Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?*  
  
While you presented an explanation that stated your opinion on the matter, there was no foundation for the response you provided. Before you can present an overview response, you first need to present the paraphrased question. Without the questions provided first, the outline of the discussion that is to follow becomes confusing to the reader.  
  
In the conclusion, you represented only the response to the importance of traditional music. You did not properly conclude the essay by restating the prompt requirement through a summary of the important points you discussed in the essay.  
  
Based upon the slight problem with the paraphrasing and the grammar structure errors in the essay, I believe that you can only get a possible score of 5 on this essay.
Sehat, you should not be asking that question in this thread. This thread is only for Adam's essay and other users are only allowed to offer helpful opinions of his work. You should not be asking about his incremental score. That is for Adam to ask. You should be asking about the incremental score for your work, not his.  
  
However, in the best interest of Adam, meaning, just in case Adam is also interested to find out, I can give the incremental score for his Task Accuracy, which is where he failed in this test. His Task Accuracy score would be a 4. His score improved overall because of the increased score marking for the remaining criteria.  
  
Do not ask for the incremental score of another user again. I will ignore any succeeding requests from you for the score of others on this board. Those types of information are meant to be asked only by the original poster. If you do not give helpful comments, and just keep asking questions about the work of others, the admin will definitely suspend your account. Remember that and try to avoid account suspension at all costs.
Adam, do not aim for the minimum 3 sentences for the introductory paragraph. The more sentences you have, the better your possible score for the task and grammar accuracy portion. Aim for the maximum 5 sentences per paragraph. That is the best way to increase the possibility of your score. Using the maximum sentence requirement per paragraph gives you a chance to develop more complex sentences and also prove your English fluency in the written medium. Anyway, here is how you can write an effective 3 sentence opening statement for this particular prompt.  
  
*Due to the prevalence of various musical styles these days, people wonder if music is really necessary in our lives. If it is really necessary, then which type should we listen to? The traditional music that one grew up hearing in his country or the international music that seems prevalent these days?*
Here is my practice on IELTS task 2 writing.  
Hope you guys could give me a little help on it.  
  
**Write about the following topic:  
Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.  
  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.**  
  
## Competitiveness or cooperativeness?

  
  
Nowadays, many concern that children should compete each other in someways, while some other suggest that children need to be taught to co-operate. In my point of view, these two ways to educate the young are both important in different situation.  
  
I believe that when children accomplish a task as a a group, they can acquire some abilities of communication, improve the skill of being a leader, and learn to interact with other properly. For example, in class we need to report a presentation in a group. We have to divide the task to a small one, then assign it to each member. In this case, we need to find everyone's specialties and debate when should we have a meeting or a deadline. Everyone should work hard for the group not for itself, and consider the result of one's laziness or arrogance.  
  
On the other hand, it is also very effective method for children to have motivation to improve skills by competition. Though the system of racing with other people, children would have more awareness that "Others are better,so I need to catch up on them." For example,in a basketball team there are only five people who can be on the court. So when you have a chance, you will not just let it go, and if you can not be called, you must will practice harder to improve your skills.  
  
In short, each teaching technique has its reason to make every child more skillful, useful, and even better in their future.
Ho, you once again failed to understand the prompt requirements. You turned a comparison and opinion essay into a purely opinion essay instead. The prompt clearly states that you are to discuss both sides and then give your opinion. The resulting paragraphs would have produced a total of 5 paragraphs. You only have 2 complete paragraphs and two sentence lines. Obviously, you will not pass this exam because of the big mistake in the discussion style. I predict that you will not get higher than a 4 in this instance. You must always double check the prompt requirements before you submit the essay. Make sure that the instructions for the discussion are completely followed. You always neglect to check yourself before submission. If you continue to submit essays without double checking the content and prompt requirements during the practice test, the chances are that you will make the same mistake in the actual test, which would result in you failing the all important test. Do not be careless. Be careful and treat the practice tests like the actual test. There is a reason that it is called a practice test. This allows you to make mistakes that you can learn from in order to improve your weak points before the actual test.
***The line graph below shows changes in the amount and type of fast food consumed by Australian teenagers from 1975 to 2000.***  
  
## pizza, fish and chips, and hamburgers - which are more preferable among teens?

  
  
The figure illustrates the number of three kinds of fast food (pizza, fish and chips, and hamburgers) which were consumed by Australian youth from 1975 to 2000. Unit are measured in number of times eaten per year.  
  
Overall, the consumption of fish and chips decreased over period given, while for pizza and hamburgers, they rose. At the start of the period, fish and chips was the most popular junk food, which was replaced by hamburgers from 1985 to 2000, and followed by pizza became the second most widely consumed fast food since 1990 until 2000. With regards to the amount of fish and chips eaten, it peaked at around 100 portions per year in 1975 before falling sharply to about 41 portions per year in 2000. Likewise, approximately 15 pieces of hamburgers were consumed in the first year after which the figure rocketed, climbed minimally, and remained constant 100 pieces from 1995 to 2000. On the other hand, the consumption of pizza only started in 1975 at nearly 10 slices. This graph, which increased sharply and stabilised over 80 slices since 1995 until 2000.  
  
In brief, as it presented in the line graph, number of times pizza and hamburgers eaten was a dramatically increasing in 2000 compared to 1975, while eaten number of fish and chips is dropped gradually from 1975 to 2000.  
  
*
You wrote 223 words, probably exceed the words limit, it is 150 words, right? Please consider to reduce the body paragraph a little bit.  
  
I will try to re-write the summary paragraph.  
  
*In brief, as it presented in the line graphs, number of times pizza and hamburgers eaten was a dramatically increasing in 2000 compared to 1975, while eaten number of fish and chips is dropped gradually from 1975 to 2000.*  
  
*In brief, it can be seen that more Australian teenagers tend to consume pizza and hamburger these days, and that fish is much less popular than before.*
Sehat in the opening statement. Do not put the food choices in a parenthesis. These are integral parts of the information provided in the line graph and should therefore, be represented in a completely developed sentence as well. Now, with 223 words, you are well within the limits of the word requirement.  
  
Congratulations on being able to write more than the 150 word minimum in a manner that showcases your writing abilities and analytical skills. Word of caution though, make sure to use the correct plural form for words. For instance, "unit" should have been written as "'units" because it pertains to a high number of food consumers, hence the plural form.  
  
By the way, your second paragraph is running too long. You have to divide that into 2 statements in order to make easier to read and avoid stressing out the reader due to the lack of spaces between sentences. You could have easily developed a very interesting 4 paragraph statement. However, doing so would have required you to create more interesting paragraphs. Which means you would have to analyze the data more in order to write pertinent information for the reader. I know, it sounds difficult, but if you pull it off, you will end up impressing the examiner because of your task accuracy and grammar range accomplishments. Overall, not a bad essay. It might get a 5 easily in the actual test scenario.
***Hi Sehat,** I have read your writing task 1 closely. In this moment, I am gonna offer a few suggestions about your content.  
Firstly, you have missed one of requirements for creating a paragraph. Kepp in your mind that the good paragraph has at least 3 sentences. Actually, you could place your overview in the first paragraph so that you can meet the requirement. To obtain a higher score, you should ensure that your overview described a smoother information. I mean that you can convert your data into the real information avoiding the word of changes. If you wanna impress the examiners for getting the high score, you create the more overview by using comparison language.  
  
Turning to the body paragraphs, there was an odd thing. The first body paragraph was too long, and another paragraph is short. I think you need learning a grouping technique.Besides that, I only remind you that your job in the writing task 1 is to compare figures, not inform the data separately. It will be not appealing. To know about that technique deeply, I highly recommend you for reading more examples of the writing task 1.  
  
Practicing more and more is the key to master this skill. GOOD LUCK*
The prompt says: the graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries  
The line graph illustrates a percentage of the variation of old people, who are above than 65 years, in japan, Sweden, and the USA from 1940 to 2040.  
  
## elder population statistics

  
  
Based on a survey, the graph was divided into 2 parts. Firstly, while the figure of the elderly in Sweden and USA from 1940 to 2016 increased steadily, the population of aged 65 or more in Japan had unpredicted changed. However, from 2020 to 2040, the percentage of the USA and Swedish people is expected to go up dramatically while Japanese people leaps enormously.  
  
In 1940, around 9 % the USA elderly aged 65 and over, while in Japan and Sweden about 5 % and 7%. In 1990, the proportion of the old in Sweden overtook the USA. By contrast, the percentage in Japan decreased seriously about 4%. In 2030, some people expect that the percentage of Japanese population aged 65 and over will go up hugely with rapid speed.  
  
In 2040, it is thought that around 26% of the Japanese population will be 65 years old or more while the percentage of Sweden and USA will be slightly lower. The graph showed us seriously the number of old people, which is increasing gradually. It can have a bad impact on world' economy because of the lack of young employees.
To, you need to provide the graph so that I can confirm the accuracy of the information you are providing. Read the first paragraph and you will see that you are short of the standard paragraph requirement. That simply means that your overview summary is lacking but I am unable to detect the missing information due to the lack of the graph. Watch out for your typing errors. Do not be careless. Remember that all proper nouns are capitalized so you cannot have Japan spelled with a small j as you do now. While the rest of the paragraphs seem to be well informed, I am unsure as to the quality of information provided. Please provide the prompt as soon as you can so that I can compare the data with the graph. You know the rules, we can't help you if we can't see the information.
Prompt: **summarize the article in one sentence within 70 words.**  
  
## IT divides society

  
  
*For those political analysts whose main interest remains class divisions in society the biggest split these days is that between those who control and work with informational technology (IT) and those we might still call blue-collar workers. (...)*  
  
**Summary sentence:**  
  
*Due to information technology development in the late 20th and early 21st centuries, the society can be divided into two classes today, people who work with information technology and blue-collar workers, which is completely different from the old class divisions in the past.*
Ethan, my take on your paragraph can be found below composed of 71 words. This paragraph is a bit complicated to paraphrase in only 75 words due to the numerous important information involved. So you have to learn how to combine the information into a continuous thought pattern such as the one I developed below. This takes lots of practice and even then, is a bit difficult to do because of the exam time constraints involved. So to complete this in the actual scenario, you need to be able to relax yourself and actually allow yourself time to think rather than panic and keep watching the clock. That is how you will fail this part of the test. Just breathe, relax, analyze, take notes, and write. Try to keep a clear head at all times.  
  
*17th and 18th century society was divided by experimentation based on practical experiments that led to economic rise, 20th century society was dvided based on IT and blue-collar workers, while the 21st century is economically and socially divided based on information technology along with the need to analyze and solve business and social problems, resulting in the creation of a unique type of economic and social class yet to be named.*
**The three pie charts below show the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school in 1981, 1991 and 2001.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
## fluctuation of spendings

  
  
The three pie charts illustrate how the proportion of annual expenditure was changed in a UK school in 1981, 1991 and 2001.  
  
Overall, what stands out from the graph is that the biggest expenditure was on teachers' salaries throughout the 20 years, while insurance stayed on the lowest spending. Another interesting point is that there was a huge invest in furniture and equipment from 1991 to 2001.  
  
Looking at the details, in 1981, 40% of total school expenditure was on teachers' salaries and in 1991, it considerably increased by 10%. Afterwards it slightly decreased to 45% in 2001, but still remained on first place. In terms of insurance, there was only 2% and 3% of expenditure in 1981 and 1991 respectively. However, it surged from 3% in 1991 to 8% in 2001.  
  
With regards to furniture and equipment, by 1991 there was a drop by 10%, from 15% to 5%. However, it significantly rose by 18%, reaching 23% and ranked the second biggest expenditure in 2001.  
  
*