dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Topic:  
  
**Some parent believe that learning mathematics at school is redundant and should not be taught while others believe that it should remain a foundational subject whether or not it is used later in life. Discuss both sides**.  
  
## is mathematic still necessary in school syllabus?

  
  
Nowadays whether or not learning mathematics in school become a hot debate topic among parents. Some parents think that the subject "Mathematics" is irrelevant to be learned in school. However, other parents opine that it should be a mandatory subject. Both sides of arguments will be further discussed in this essay.  
  
One point of view is that parents believe that mathematics is no longer important and it should be removed as a school subject. They think that it is no longer needed because computer take over tasks which required mathematics skill and it can run the operation very fast in its system. For example,there are computer program like Microsoft Excel can solve complex mathematics equation in few seconds. This is the reason why parents believe that their children should not learn mathematics in school.  
  
In opposite point of view, there are also some parents think that their children should learn mathematics as a learning basic in school althought it might not be used in future. The reason is that, mathematics can help children to think faster because their brain will be always active and also more alert to surrounding. For example, children can realise directly if the change gotten is in wrong amount when they buy something in a shop. They can perform the mathematical calculation directly in their brain without relying on gadgets.  
  
In conclusion, it is still a question mark if mathematics still necessary in school syllabus? Some parents are agree but some parents are not. This essay discussed both point of view, whether mathematics should remain as a school subject.  
  
for this essay which band can i get in ielts ?
Yi, you will need to develop your vocabulary. You do not understand the word meanings and differences so you have a tendency to use the wrong word in place of another. You should also develop your synonym listing for your word usage and LR considerations. The main mistake in word usage for you is in the way you understood the original prompt and how you paraphrased it. The problem words are "redundant", from the original and "irrelevant". Here are the word meanings for your future reference:  
  
redundant - not or no longer needed or useful  
irrelevant - not connected with or relevant to something.  
  
Redundant means something is repetitive while irrelevant means something no longer being used. Therefore, irrelevant cannot be used to replace the term redundant. Redundant could be replaced by other words like unnecessary, or inessential.  
  
On an individual scoring basis, I believe you could receive the following base scores:  
  
TA - 6  
  
C&C - 5  
  
LR - 4  
  
GRA - 5  
  
The good news is that you understand the original prompt and you were able to discuss it accurately to the extent that is not affected by the sentence structure and grammar problems that you have in the essay. Comprehension is half the task. So you are on the right track. You just need to brush up on your vocabulary skills and sentence development in order to increase your scoring potential.
## Peolple at young age volunteering

  
  
TOPIC young people should be required to do unpaid work to help people in the community . do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages  
  
there is a debate on whether participating in voluntary work in which youngsters provide support for others in the society is compulsory. this essay is to shed light on why I concur with the idea that the upsides of this eclipse the downsides.  
  
on the one hand, a significant number of repercussions may be brought about when the young are doing too much community work. time-consuming is among those that steam from this. If young people devoted all their time to doing voluntary work, they could barely find the time to do their jobs. this, as a consequence, may mean damages to their career and financial situations. An available answer to this would be to balance between earning a decent living and doing unpaid community work.  
  
on the other hand, the aforementioned drawbacks are overshadowed by the following benefits. one notable one resulting from this is that individuals have the chance to widen their circles. Taking part in voluntary work exert a fruitful impact on their social relationships as they have the opportunity to meet people from all walks of life. another advantage worth mentioning would be the moral lessons people receive from such actions. a prime example of this is that in Vietnam, high-school students are required to do community work annually during the summer. these activities would develop sympathy in children's mindset. These volunteers, therefore, would acknowledge the paramount importance of providing those in need with assistance. They, as a result, would have the chance to self-educate in order to become considerate citizens.  
  
all in all, I do believe that the disadvantages of doing voluntary work are dwarfed by its advantages due to the abovementioned arguments. I personally believe that the governments, as well as powerful organizations, should encourage a significant number of people to take part in this kind of work. Only by doing that can we hope for a brighter future
## Age-Appropriately Date

  
  
A traditionally brief was- for some people still are- forbidden to date at a young age. I totally agree with this idea for some reasons.  
  
Let me make it clearly what do i make young age? They are people who are under eighteen and not mature yet or we can call them kids.  
  
I have known that it is so difficult to control your feeling when a person have chemistry with someone, however, once they are fall in love, they will spend every single day of their time to think toward the others instead of focusing your study. This is why their study result is bad and it can affect terribly on the future. On the one hand, in some cases, girls get pregnant and she is not able to raise the baby. Therefore, they both decide to have an abortion which will colour the girl's psychology most from then on. She deserts things better. On the other, sometimes, they need money to pay for gift, drink or food, which means they need their parents' money. They work so hard to earn it.  
  
Some believe that love can make people mature, caring people around. It might be true but, it can barely some couples, the disadvantages are over the advantages.  
  
In short, I think study is put at first when you are student.  
  
p/S: This is my first short paragraph, please help me to fingure it out the mistakes..
Hoa, for starters, your first short paragraph is already a complete essay presentation unto itself. The Task 2 essay has a minimum word requirement of 250 words. Covering 4-5 paragraphs. You clocked in at 224. 26 words short of a full Task 2 essay presentation. So you will definitely receive points deductions for this. In fact, submitting an essay that is under the word count could even result in an automatic failing score in some instances.  
  
You did not follow the rudimentary requirements for the writing of a Task 2 essay. Now, it will be impossible for me to teach you how to do this properly so you better pay attention to the examples of the other Task 2 essay samples located at this forum for better instruction and advice. Let me just remind you of the basic requirements of a Task 2 essay:  
  
1. An introductory paragraph that represents the original prompt discussion comprised of the topic, reason for discussion, discussion instructions, thesis statement.  
2. A presentation of 2-3 body paragraphs that contains one topic sentence per paragraph discussing the reasons in support of or counter to the presented discussion.  
  
3. A concluding summary that focuses on a prompt restatement and summary of the discussion with a repeat of the writers opinion.  
4. All paragraphs should be 3-5 sentences in length and be composed of a mix of simple and complex sentence structures using various English words of the synonym and antonym kind.  
  
Follow the rules above when you write your next essay and you will find yourself more in accordance with the scoring requirements. Then I will actually be able to help you improve your writing skills.
## some youngsters choose to live away from parents

  
  
In many countries around the world young people decide to leave their parents' home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing a home with friends. Do you agree or disagree with this approach? Give your opinion.  
  
Self-dependent is nowadays a trend observed in many countries where the youngster after finishing their school leave their hometown to another region of the world to become motivated, independent and can stand on their feet. In my opinion, I completely agree with this approach and in details are discussed in the following paragraphs.  
  
Firstly, the approach of living independently makes us confident, strong enough to face the world challenges, living without parents allow people to understand the real world and an opportunity to learn things themselves. Take for an example, In India, most students after finishing their school life tend to move abroad leaving behind their families to acquire higher studies and better job possibilities to grab as much as the knowledge they can from the world.  
  
Secondly, Living alone or with friends provide the platform for the youngster to have an independent decision in critical situations and teaches a lot to the person about his decision-making capabilities and teaches about the human behaviour, such as dealing with other people around you independently, taking medical care of your ill roommate and helping your friend in assignments, creating shared values with friends and neighbour are beneficial and memorable for the young generation to have a good human touch.  
  
In conclusion, allowing a youngster to live away from the parent is a very hard decision but it has a fruitful output and teaches their children to understand the real world and build up their self-confidence and make them stand on their feet.
Chuni, your sentence lose cohesiveness and coherence because you are writing run-on sentences in every paragraph. Overly long sentences that have at least 2 independent topics being presented in each discussion. This creates a confusing presentation for your reader, who has a hard time keeping track of your information. You cannot keep using commas to connect your independent sentences. You must use periods in the appropriate places in order to create clarity and coherence in your presentation. Most of your essays turn into unwarranted ramblings because of the extremely long sentence presentations. It appears to not make sense to the reader because the reader cannot keep track of what is being said per sentence.  
  
However, you have presented a very strong discussion and line of reasoning in support of your opinion. You will score better in that respect. It would have been even better, if you had just discussed your top 3 reasons with supporting information instead of this type of essay. When you try to include too much information per paragraph, it becomes confusing and does not allow the reader time to breath and actually comprehend what you have to say. That is why the IELTS essay test requires only 1 completely explained reason per paragraph. You have 3 paragraphs with which to present 3 connected reasons for your discussion. Connect the paragraphs using transition words, phrases and sentences instead of misplaced commas.  
  
Your current presentation prevented you from properly developing simple and complex sentences that would have been useful in increasing your scores. Instead, your lack of control over sentence and paragraph development has resulted in score deductions for you. Please remember that short sentences using simple and complex presentations score more than extremely long sentences. You are allowed to present between 3-5 sentences per paragraph. Use the sentence count wisely. Misuse can spell a failing score in the GRA section.  
  
Overall, this essay has good reasoning but a very bad presentation. Focus more on meeting the Task 2 essay requirements in your next essay. You have a good grasp of the English language that allows you to be understood, even with grammatical and lexical errors. So you are something right :-)
Daeun, this essay suffers from grammatical problems. However, the said problems do not affect the reader's understanding of what you are trying to express so it is not the biggest problem in this essay. It is in fact, negligible when compared to the other more serious problems this essay has.  
  
For starters, you cannot compare 2 unrelated themes in a comparison essay. You must compare the same elements in order to come to a definitive conclusion based on comparison data. Therefore, you cannot compare a child's first language acquisition with the adult's second language acquisition. Rather, you can compare a child's second language learning with an adult's rate of second language learning. You must adjust your research to properly reflect a correct comparison analysis of the information you are presenting.  
  
Next, and the biggest problem in this research is the lack of in-text citation and proper referencing to your second hand information sources. You make yourself sound like an expert in the field when you are obviously not. A professor will immediately fail this essay for plagiarism due to the lack of proper reference citations for major information that you share in this essay. Anytime you refer to an expert opinion, you cannot take credit for it as you are still a student. Name the source and list the proper quotation in the proper writing format (MLA, APA, Chicago, etc).  
  
This type of paper is not given as an English writing exercise so you must revise the whole paper to reflect academic content, integrity, and tone. Right now, this sounds like a 6th grader wrote the paper and that, poses a big difficulty for you in terms of revising your content. You need to bring this up to college writing standards. If your university has a writing center, go there and ask for writing advice as to how you can improve your currently problematic research paper.
Thanks for your informative comments. This essay was my midterm paper and my foreign teacher gave me a good grade(I think he gave me that good grade in consideration of my original writing skills). Thus, I need some kin and realistic comments on my essay because I really want to be good at writing. At first, I was surprised how my essay was bad like 6th grader, but I admitted that I am poor at writing because that's true. Your comments surely motivated me and I appreciate that. Again, thanks for your advice!
## "Sharing is caring"

  
  
"Sharing is caring" This is the quote that we always hear in our daily life. Many people think that we should share as much as information as possible especially in scientific research, business and education. However, there are also many people who has different opinion about some information. I personally believe that sharing information as much as possible with other people can improve our life.  
  
Of course it is always god to share information with others as we can get new information from the others, especially during a discussion. Through sharing information, we are actually unintentionally widen our knowledge because the incoming information are sometimes new to us. Other than that, when we share information, we are not only helping other people, but also improve ourselves at the same time. The reason is that we will organise the information the fact in our brain in order to make others understand it easily. We must also get confirmation about the truthfulness of the infomation before presenting to someone else for example in scientific research.  
  
Although sharing is a very good behaviour but not all knowledge are shareable.It is because the infromation is too important to them. Sometimes the information is the result of their hard work. For example high confidential business project. Company invested huge amount of money, spent very time and also put a lot of effort on it. Each company has their own information. So it will be considered as treat to a company if the information are being shared to public and may being used by others.  
  
In conclusion, eventhough some information involve the benefits of companies, but in contrast companies can cooperate and makes the project better. It is same to scientific research and also education. So we should share information with other people to make our life better.
Yi, this is not a straight out personal point of view reference essay. This is a "both point of view plus personal opinion" essay. What you discussed in this essay is solely your point of view. That means your response to the prompt is only partially correct and as such, will receive a much lower score than it could have possibly have been considered for. That is really too bad because, had you discussed the essay from the required points of view, you would have had a better chance of gaining a higher and ultimately, passing score for your work.  
  
Had you shown that you were discussing a public opinion for each point of view before presenting your own opinion, you would have fallen within the prompt parameters, allowing you to be scored fully for this essay instead of only partially because you made it a single point of view essay. The proper discussion for this would have been better presented as:  
  
*There is a public sense of a need to openly contribute to knowledge in the fields of science, commerce, and education. However, others feel that information from these areas of knowledge should be kept a secret because of its high value within these territories. This essay will analyze the reasons behind each point of view after which I shall offer my own opinion on the matter.  
  
Publicly, one point of view reasons that...  
  
While the other sector opines that...  
  
Based on my analysis, my opinion is that...  
  
To close this discussion...*  
  
When discussing a 3 point of view essay, each body paragraph must identify which point of view is being discussed in order to receive the proper analysis and points rewards in the scoring scheme. Being unable to do so lowers your scoring consideration in the final tally. Widening the discussion based on the prompt requirement means you increase your overall scoring potential on a per consideration basis. In my presentation sample, everything from the TA all the way to the GRA will be scored on the highest possible bracket because of the clarity in presentation and discussion.
*Topic: Some people believe that time spent on television video and computer games can be beneficial to children. Others believe this has negative effects on a child. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.*  
  
## TV shows and video games - any benefits for kids?

  
  
Watching TV and playing video games are two of most important children's leisure activities since the turn of new millennium. However, there has been an intense debate regarding whether they are beneficial or harmful for children. From my personal perspective, they would bring more negative impact on kids than positive one.  
  
Admittedly, TV shows and video games are of great educational and entertaining benefits. In fact, there is a large number of educational and inspirational TV programs which enable children to have fun in the learning process and facilitate their intellectual development. "Ten thousand questions", for example, is one of such programs providing knowledge involving not only natural science but also social life, thereby helping foster the young the morally values and outlook the world and life. Additionally, recreation is for sure a crucial function of television and computer. They are enjoyable for children of all age as they are the great way to relieve stresses after long-hour studying at school.  
  
However, the negative consequences relating to physical and mental health caused by these technologies should not be overlooked. One of the downsides is that spending too much time on watching TV and using computer may give rise to sedentary lifestyles. Kids being couch potato would be isolated from the real world. This is because they do not have enough time to socialize and to engage with outdoor activities which are essential for their physical growth. Also, their eyesight might be weekened by staring at the screen so long. More over, arguable contents on TV will lead to unanticipated implication on children's later life. Children trait is curiousity, hence they would be impressionable and imitate violent actions and sexual scenes in movies and video games. This would obviously exert detrimental influence on kids development.  
  
In conclusion, although the widespread technologies benefits children in learning and entertaining, the undesirable effects on children's health and development should also be taken into consideration. Parents should take time to guide and supervise these important activities.
Thi, you misunderstood the prompt requirements. You were being asked to discuss both points of view from a general perspective / reasoning before you presented a discussion of your personal opinion. This is evidenced by the prompt instruction indicating:   
  
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.  
From the way you presented your thesis statement, it became evident that you were discussing only your point of view rather than the two point of view plus personal opinion discussion because you indicated an opinion immediately that stated:  
  
From my personal perspective,  
The proper thesis statement for this essay is:  
*In this essay, I shall examine both discussion points as supported by each group prior to the presentation of my personal opinion.*  
  
You have to remember that the opening statement is only a representation of your understanding of the original discussion. It should never contain a personal opinion or begin a discussion of the presentation as there is no time to further develop your explanation in the paragraph based on the 5 sentence maximum presentation per paragraph. The general discussion should only be done in the 3 body paragraph. Don't forget to show ownership of the discussion in this type of essay discussion as well. Ownership terms need to indicate what opinion is being discussed and from whose point of view. So you could say:  
  
"There are a group pf parents who believe that... because...  
  
The dissenting point of view indicates...  
  
My point of view is that..."  
  
By showing ownership, you will be able to better highlight the clarity and coherence of your discussion. Don't forget to use transition sentences at the end of each paragraph to help introduce the next topic for discussion to the reader. It makes for a smoother read and allows for a higher GRA score.  
  
Try to avoid presenting long sentences that separates discussions using a comma. Short sentences that presents connected discussions have a better chance of improving your overall score. Present at least 3 sentences each time and you will have a better scoring consideration for sure.