dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
*Hi, this is my essay, thanks for your assessment in advance. Would you mind focusing on assessing my word choice, task achievement, grammar, coherence and cohesion?*  
  
## work and life balance

  
  
**ESSAY**  
In the contemporary world, many people endeavor to balance the trade-off between work and other aspects of lives, but only a minority achieves this balance. This imbalance entails disastrous impacts, so some measures should be done to address the problems.  
  
On the one hand, balancing between work and other parts of life portends grave consequences. First of all, this issue can increase the risks to both the physical and psychological health of workers. To be more specific, people who immerse in working spend less time taking care of themselves and restlessly keep their eyes glued to computer screens, thereby having headache, sore eyes and exhaustion. Moreover, when people overwork to a certain extent, people may lose a sense of job satisfaction and therefore descend into a state of job obsession and stress. Consequently, they could be indifferent and perpetuate to isolate themselves from society. Ultimately, their network of relationships will be detrimentally affected, for they disregard the time for family gatherings and socialization.  
  
On the other hand, some actions should be done to mitigate the aforementioned problems. In terms of legality, government should impose employment laws regarding the rational time frame employees work for and promotion. Furthermore, employees are supposed to build a gymnasium or health center for staff to strengthen their health and diagnose their psychological problems if necessary. Another approach is encouraging the people to take time out to have a rest as they feel overwhelmed with work. Hence, before they resume work, they can have much chance to discover themselves and enjoy leisure pursuits, so they can be more focused, less burnt out and sustainable in the long run.  
  
In conclusion, work and life balance is so difficult that not many people attain this due to some particular reasons. Anyways, some effective solutions should be proposed to alleviate the difficulty.  
  
*
"On the one hand" and "On the other hand" are comparative phrases.There are used to connect the same topic coming from opposing points of view. The writer is assessing 2 different topics so these paired references cannot be used. This will be considered an error on 2 fronts, the C + C and GRA scoring sections.  
  
The writer must review his vocabulary skills because he shows signs of word usage confusion (employer v employee), even as he often tries to use big and unnatural sounding words ( portends, detrimentally ) in the presentation. While there are considered advanced English words, these are not used in everyday conversation. So the reference sounds unnatural. The LR score is increased through the use of everyday English words in the right context.
***Some people think an international car-free day is an effective way of reducing air pollution, others think there are some other ways.***  
## Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

  
  
KEY  
It is suggested that global car-free days play a fundamental role in cutting down on air pollution. I do go along with this notion; however, I do believe there are other equally or more efficient methods.  
  
To begin with, international car-free days do help reduce air pollution to a great extent. It is obvious that a decrease in car usage leads to lower level of exhaust fumes which are one of the main causes of air pollution. Take the covid-19 shutdown for example, during this time cars were rarely used, and the surprising result was that air quality in some major cities showed great improvements.  
  
Global car-free days are undoubtedly effective in reducing air pollution but there are other helpful ways as well. In order to mitigate harmful air in the long run, it is advisable to invest in carbon-free vehicles. The daily need to travel long distances makes it impossible to get rid of vehicles permanently;therefor, renovating them to be environment-friendly is of great importance. Another way to deal with air pollution is to raise people awareness of its severity by setting up campaigns or advertisements relating to air problems. As individuals acknowledge air pollution, they would probably try to limit their usage of private vehicles.  
  
In conclusion, I do believe in the effectiveness of global car-free days but still insist that there are other measure to battle air pollution
For some reason, the writer has failed to deliver the required discussion requirements of this essay. The discussion instructions indicates one thing, and the writer delivers a different response. So the essay cannot be seen as providing a proper discussion based on expected discussion content.  
  
Discussion Instruction: DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION.  
Response: I do go along with this notion; however, I do believe there are other equally or more efficient methods.  
  
As the writer has deviated from the prompt requirements, the essay will be scored, but will not recieve a passing consideration. The writer should learn to review his response in comparison to the discussion instruction. Failure to do so results in incorrect prompt response presentations.
@gintoki7  
Hi, I think you need discuss first about car free day as an effective way for reducing air pollutions and identified why, you could explain because of course there will no smoke from vehicles which one of the main resources of air pollutions. Then explain about other ways beside car free day, could be restriction rules of vehicle ownership for a family, or the standard of vehicle spare-part that should has pollution substances filter, etc. Then, u can give your opinion such as, even though car free day could reducing air pollution, but it's not really effective, because it could be happen in one or two days in a week, when actually, the pollution could increase again during in another day. Moreover, u could give your opinion what is the best solution itself.
***Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity.***  
## Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

  
  
Key  
It is usually suggested that risky sports be banned by governments . From my point of view, I completely oppose to this notion and believe that people should be free ti enjoy any sports or activities under safety condition.  
  
To begin with, a ban on extreme sports may do more harm than good for the following reasons. Firstly, if a sport was banned, it would probably become more fascinating to adventurous people or curious teenagers. As the ban is likely to act as an official confirmation that the sport is risky, which would probably trigger people's desire to conquer it. Moreover, a rise in the number of dangerous sports enthusiasts would create a high demand for the required equipment. However, a ban on those sports means that people have to purchase them from the black markets, where sellers usually sell low-quality products, enhancing the risk of the sports.  
  
Based on the aforementioned argument, it is advisable for governments to let people go in for any sports or activities. Provided that safety is guaranteed, taking part in extreme sports could even make people happier thanks to the adrenaline released during the process.In addition, those activities even help people to challenge themselves and boost their confidence. For these reasons, instead of banning risky sports or activities, government should enforce policies to protect people's safety during the activities.  
  
In conclusion, I completely disagree with governments banning extreme sports and insist that everyone has the right to participate in any sports or activities under safety condition.
I beg the writer to stop with his practice essays. He is incapable of properly responding to the task requirement. He is constalty writing an agree or disagree response for a discuss both points of view and offer an opinion presentation. Those are 2 different types of essays. I am repeatedly pointing this out, but the lessons are falling on deaf ears. The best thing that this writer can do is postpone his IELTS test if he has one scheduled already, and then enroll in formal IELTS classes to help him learn how to respond to the questions. Actually, he does not even have to enroll in lessons, provided he reviews the sample essays that are freely available at this forum. He can easily learn the proper and improper way to respond to the essays just by reading the worth of others, paying attention to the corrections, and applying it to his own work. I am not confident of his ability to pass the IELTS test at this point. He will definitely have a problem passing the essay portions.
***Topic:  
Public transportation is a great way to travel, particularly within a metropolis. The metro is the most convenient way to get around a city.  
Do you agree or disagree?***  
  
The worldwide introduction of metro systems has revolutionized the way of traveling in densely populated cities. Henceforth, urban areas residents have voiced agreements as they recognize it as the most favorable means for public mobility. The convenience of underground rails could be proven via two main aspects, which this essay would discuss.  
  
Possibly the most worth-mentioning factor contributing to metro system effectiveness is their affordable cost, especially for inhabitants of lower classes. To illustrate, a significant fraction of underground railway passengers are economic migrants, whose income is hardly sufficient for private vehicles, and government subsidies could grant them better chances to travel. Additionally, underground railway systems' requirements for annual maintenance and staff costs are only a fraction compared to that of other public means of transport. For instance, taxis operation demands enormous human resources for coordination and customer service, which accumulates to augment the final fee.  
  
Another property of metro systems that further enhance city travelers' experience is their time efficiency compared to conventional methods. One reason is that railway's schedules remain active throughout the day, thereby becoming tailor-made for the fast-paced lifestyles required for urban citizens. Furthermore, subway passengers are blessed with a complete absence of congestion, as the nonexistence of obstruction assists bullet trains to go at full throttle. As a result, time wasted on traffic jams and the frustration thereof can be obliterated, thus increase the workforce's productivity.  
  
In conclusion, this essay has advocated the practicality of subway stations in the urban environment based on the mentioned arguments.
The writer did not respond to the discussion prompt. There is no agree or disagree reference in response to the question. This essay fails to follow the response format requirements. For the writer's reference:  
  
Discussion Question: Do you agree or disagree?  
Response: **The convenience of underground rails could be proven via two main aspects** (Prompt Deviation ) , which this essay would discuss.  
Final Response: ... this essay has advocated the practicality of subway stations in the urban environment based on the mentioned argument (Prompt Deviation)  
  
The essay has not addressed the discussion requirement because it has changed the discussion topic. Since the writer's response is not aligned with the requirements, the essay will not be able to achieve a passing score in 2 sections; TA and C + C. Both of these sections require on point discussion targets in relation to the prompt. The essay will fail.
Thank you guys so much for the suggestions! I've missed that!  
At first, I thought lightly of the Task Achievements part, so I didn't anticipate this kind of flaw.  
  
All in all, my opinion needs to be clarified right away in the introduction and conclusion, as the discussion topic is "Do you agree or disagree about <thesis>?" Regarding Task Achievements, proving my points only comes after clearly stating my thesis. Do you think in what else aspects can my essay be improved?
## Is college education important or not?

  
  
Graduating from college is considered the most usual way to look for great careers in the future by some folks. In contrast, other people suppose soft skills and experience are much more important. In my opinion, the latter statement is totally on point and needed to spread to a wide audience.  
  
The first thing I want to mention is the fact that most college graduates in this day and age lack general skills to survive in the workplace, especially communicating and problem-solving abilities. for example, messing up or stumbling words when dealing with customers after receiving orders from their direct managers are quite common in this case. And without experience to back up, there is a high chance they do not know how to handle issues which are also leading to the dropping point in working performances. Therefore, only the university certificate is not going to save them the day.  
  
The second significant factor is that not having any experience straight out from their schools is wholeheartedly off for many companies when all the job descriptions nowadays require a minimum time of working somewhere, whether it is a part-time or full-time job. So if the resumes of potential candidates involve only the ''paper'' which is proved that you graduated from a random college to the interviewers then get ready to face the reality of being jobless, not even mention the good high paying job that everyone is desperately looking for no matter how qualified they are in terms of skills and experience.  
  
The last thing is to check the unemployment rate annually, it is only increasing day by day when students tend to be more well-educated compared to previous generations. Does it not bring a question?  
  
To sum up, college is not the ultimate trump card to get jobs that make six figures. it can be rendered worthless now when the whole college stuff is just merely business at this point. There are thousands of students graduating each year and looking at the number of unemployment can lead us to a bigger picture.
The prompt in question uses a comparative discussion + personal opinion format based on the following discussion:  
  
*Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important.*  
  
There is no comparative discussion represented. The personal opinion justifies only the writers perspective of one side as opposed to the personal opinion based on each public opinion. The writer wrote a good essay and could have gotten a great score, if the scoring were based on the prompt deviation that the writer created. Since the discussion does not follow the scoring expectations, this work may not get a passing score.
## Will computers replace teachers in the future?

  
  
In 4.0 industrial revolution, we can not deny the development of machines, electronic device,... Because of that, many people think we should replace teachers with computers. But I think we should not do that.  
  
My first opinion to not replace teacher with computer is student's emotion. Maybe computers will help students feel more comfortable, convienient,.. or computers may teach them more effective than teacher, but teachers know how to handle their student's emotion. For example : teachers can motivate their students to learn better, or they can help their students to achieve much success now as well as in the future. Plus, If we use computer in education, students will not know how to interact with one another anymore. They may improve their knowledge , but they will become a machine without emotions.  
  
My second assessment is " If computers are money, teachers would be gems, and money does not glitter ". Basically, teachers can show expressions that highlights key points. They also have the ability to correct students and can clear doubts, But computers can not. Moreover, students can get the opportunity to help a teacher, and the teacher can share their expieriences about life, in education,.. with their students. Plus, teachers is more like a friend who give students knowledge, help students achive their dreams, guide students in the path of learning,... And by the way, who wants to replace a friend with a machine ?  
  
In conclusion, I want to say that we should not and must not replace teachers with computers. Teacher helps a lot not only in study but also in life, but computers does not. Computers should be means of learning , not a substitute for teacher.
The first paragraph has conjunction usage enors and punctuation mark errors. The word"because" cannot be used to start a sentence being a conjunction. a comma cannot be followed by ellipses. Only one punctuation mark can be used at a time. The student fails to properly use capitalization in certain parts of the presentation, capitalizing non-noun words in the middle of sentences. These will cause severe G R A deductions as evidence of a lack of grammar inles knowledge can be seen.  
  
Failure to proofread and correct several spelling errors will also result in a failing L R score. There is no English word spelled as convienient. Word usage problems appear when he uses 2 words I can not" to refer to " cannot", one word. Review adverb and auxilliary verb usage..  
  
" If computers are money, teachers would be gems, and money does not glitter "  
This idiom might make better sense in the writer's native language. It lacks coherence and logic in English. It is not well explained in the presentation either.  
  
The essay proves to be too problematic in terms of scoring. I doubt it will even come close to a passing overall score.
## WRITING TASK 2 - Punishing children

  
  
*It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?  
What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?*  
  
Education is likely the most critical thing learned by every child, and that education is not restricted to academic lessons only but also in behavior field as well. Punishment is believed to be required in educating a child about the differences between right and wrong behaviors. Personally, I disagree almost entirely with this opinion.  
  
First and foremost, behavioral teaching is a gradual process that needs a combination of parents, teachers, and children themselves. Therefore, punishment seems not always to have much of a role to play in this. To some extent, we should consider the age as well as the stage of a child to punish them. Punishing a very young child is either wrong or foolish because they are too small to recognize the issues they are confronting, or even it can entail detrimental consequences unintended by the parents. Adolescents should be rewarded for good behaviors and discouraged from wrongdoings.  
  
Instead of harsh punishment, there is a variety of alternative methods that assist parents to discipline their children charges. The reasonable fact is adolescents show a tendency for practicing parental actions as well as attitudes. Consequently, parents should provide good role modeling in their own behaviors. Moreover, children should be conscious that they have to be accountable for their own actions. Making the punishment fit the crime is a feasible way, for instance, young children can be asked to pick up rubbish they have dropped, or apologize to someone they have hurt. In these ways, responsibilities are enhanced in the child.  
  
As expressed, children need education about morality and teaching to distinguish good things from bad ones in the early stage. In addition, the older should utilize an appropriate approach to behavioral teaching. Punishment should not be excessively physical, rather than psychological and practical.
~~Education is likely the most critical thing learned by every child, and that education is not restricted to academic lessons only but also in behavior field as well.~~  
This is not partof the orginal presentation. Due to the siteis personal opinion being included here, the prompt restatement is now inaccurate and has failed the first criteria for scoring. It is no longer task accurate.  
  
The opinion statement is well presented but, it is missing a question response. The overall paragraph presentation is weak, inaccurate, and incomplete. It will have a failed starting score.  
  
The opinion explanation paragraph is well developed and uses good examples. This paragraph accomplishes it's purpose well. The punishment part deviated ffrom the actual response for the most part. Focus should have been solely placed on the punishment discussion as indicated in the instructions.
## scientific experiments managed by whom?

  
  
It is a common belief that experiments about science should be managed by the government than business companies. This essay agrees that politics should build and develop scientific research. Firstly, this essay will discuss humans could avoid the risk of the experiment if the manager was the government and secondly, it will give drawbacks of administration by the private companies.  
  
There is a more persuasive argument that when the authority manages the research, the scientists could be safer than companies. The government would accommodate insurance, this can decrease much danger for residents. For instance, chemical experiments tend to be highly explosive. However, private companies could be hard to guarantee security in research lead to effects not only for the scientists but also for the community. While the authority could warrant the risks as minimum as by business companies.  
  
On top of that, the management of waste management in science experiments by the politic would be stricter and more secure than by the private companies. The typical example, the fahasa company belonging to China discharged waste into the East sea of Vietnam led to a series of fish death. For this issue, the indignation was an outburst.  
  
To conclude, it seems clear that the management of scientific experiments should be by the authority rather than the private companies.
The original discussion topic centers on the question " To what extent do you agree or disagree?" This essay failed to provide a strength of belief response based on the discussion question. However, the thesis topics presented are interesting and highly applicable to the discussion. Without a proper question response though, the thesis topics loses impact.  
  
Discussion paragraphs are mostly on point but can use more explanation development. Attention must be paid to the sentence structures as these tend to lose clarity as the writing progresses. The writer must learn to proofread, spot, and correct errors in his writing. The writer shows a gift of logic. The problem, is that he does not have the ability to develop well structured sentences yet. Focus on grammar development, sentence variation, and clarity through basic writing exercises first.  
  
Had the writer avoided these problems in the presentation, the essay would have recieved a passing mark.