dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## The amount of waste production in 6 countries

  
  
**The table below shows the amount of waste production (in millions of tonnes) in six different countries over a twenty-year period.**  
  
The table compares the quantity of waste generation in millions of tonnes in six nations during the period of twenty years from 1980 to 2000.  
  
Overall, the United States produced the largest amount of waste over the period. Also, while waste output in most given countries witnessed an upward trend, Korean's amount of waste production decreased.  
  
With respect to the waste output in America, it grew from 131 in 1800 to 192 million tonnes in 2000, which was a relatively huge amount compared to other nations. In the same year, Japan, the second largest waste producer, generated 53 million tonnes of waste, accounted for one-third that of the US. Meanwhile, Korea's waste output experienced a drop of 12 from 31 in 1990 to 19 million tonnes in 2000.  
  
Compared with the previously mentioned nations, Ireland, Poland and Portugal generated small amounts of unwanted material. Ireland and Portugal has the same quantity of waste production in 2000, at 5 million tonnes, while Poland saw a minimal growth of 2.6 million tonnes in its waste output throughout the time span.  
  
*
Moon, your summary just needed the enumeration of the nations included in the table and the comparison type for the information, which is shown was a "decade on decade" basis. It is not a comparison from 1980- 2000 . Try to use more advanced references to create a more extensive / advanced English vocabulary. It is more impressive to use the term "decade on decade" because the graph shows a 10 year count (considered a decade) between years represented.  
  
You have a very small mistakes in this essay presentation. It is almost negligible. Except, you forgot to indicate that "The data for Ireland and Korea were not available for the years 1990 and 1980 respectively." This is an example of an advanced English sentence structure based on grammar and presentation. It shows an academic tone and a professional review of the data provided. You have to mention it because the missing data is even given a special mention in the illustration with the highlight "Figure not available". Remember, present all the data, specially those that appear to have a special representation in the illustration.
*Topic: It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?  
What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?*  
  
## physical punishment as a way to teach kids what not to do?

  
  
My essay:  
  
The cruciality of the fact that children are supposed to be educated about the right and wrong differentiation with punishment has been widely confirmed. Despite my agreement with this opinion, I believe that the proper application of penalty also needs to be taken into consideration.  
  
On the one hand, the advantages of children' early awareness about the good and bad are quite clear for some reasons. Firstly, babies of this stage are in the process of forming personalities and characteristics; therefore, they can be easily instilled with moral lessons. In fact, the teenagers at this period do not have so much real exposure to society, driving them into the situation like a ship on the sea without direction, so the sound involvement in this stage will bring positive benefits to set their moral background as a good man. Secondly, early education will help children to avoid wrongdoings and escape from being badly-intendedly utilized. Lack of practical knowledge makes teenagers become more vulnerable to social evils, requiring an early appropriate education by their precedents.  
  
On the other hand, I have a consensus that in order to teach children effectively, punishment has to be reasonably applied. Firstly, penalty for wrongdoers gives an opportunity for their reflection on their personal misconducts and to build up their pool of experience. The gift for right action and punishment for wrong one has been considered to be a motivation and an acting frame with confirmed benefits respectively, for every action will be given a thorough thinking to obey the set forth rules before being conducted, leading to much easier goal achievement. However, the varied types of penalty have to be rationally used to ensure the best effects. For the case of children, such kinds of punishment as not being allowed to play or go out, not being given gifts, except coral punishment or scolding should be properly applied. Moreover, a clear explanation will also have to be followed with a view to raising children's alert for the wrong.  
  
To conclude, it is necessary that children get an early education about the difference between the right and the wrong. I have a strong belief that an appropriate kind of punishment will boost the effectiveness of this teaching.  
  
Please give me some feedbacks on my essay. I am very grateful for your kind help!
Hoang, long and wordy sentences will not assure you of a high score in the Task 2 essay. Only clear, concise, and cohesive sentences of 3-5 sentences in every paragraph can do that. Your paragraph sentences are mostly extremely long run-on sentences that focus so much on your vocabulary usage but have very little to do with presenting clear, on point discussions. The most basic rule is 1 topic per paragraph. The most basic tenet for the overall essay is, stick to the prompt requirements.  
  
The requirement is for you to give an extent response in the essay paraphrase. That means, restating the prompt as close as possible to the original, using terms that clearly indicate an understanding of the prompt, without changing the discussion instructions. The prompt asks "To what extent do you agree or disagree?" so your choice of responses, based on the opinion you presented (but should not have) in the opening paraphrase are as follows:  
  
I partially agree...  
I am divided on the opinion that...  
I agree/disagree to the extent that...  
  
Now, normally, this type of essay is written from a single point of agreement so that the writer does not have to try to think of different reasons to support an opinion. That allows the writer to write only 4 paragraphs instead of 5, which is what usually happens when a partial agreement is used for the discussion. In my opinion, you should use only the one sided discussion so as to save time for editing and revision of content towards the end of the time limit.  
  
A simple essay discussion is sufficient enough to gain you a high scoring consideration. Focusing on delivering the scoring requirements, rather than an extensive but not properly developed essay, will result in better scoring results overall for you. Just look at your second paragraph. You could have offered direct and reasonable discussions in relation to the topic sentence at the start but you muddled it with the presentation of an almost undeveloped second topic in the paragraph. If you do not have 5 sentences with which to explain a new topic, you should not add it to the end of an already existing and completely developed paragraph.  
  
Limit the ideas discussion per paragraph. Don't try to use the whole dictionary and encyclopedia in your essay. Keep it simple, the examiner and your scores will thank you for it. Consider that because of your focus on showing off your vocabulary, you did not correctly discuss the types of punishments that would be more appropriate anymore. It is almost like an afterthought in your presentation already. It should have been, one alternative punishment, one complete explanation with supporting facts. That is always how it is done. Be direct. Get to the point as soon as you can. That will better showcase your English writing abilities in terms of GRA, C&C and LR considerations.
Hi tutors, could you please help to assess my essay below? This is the first time I create a post in this forum. Please inform me if you find any issue in my post. Many Thanks :)  
  
## goods being transferred by airplanes

  
  
These days many crops such as fruit and vegetables is significantly transferred by airplanes to areas where their farmers could not cultivate them or these products would not grow there at the moment. People have different views about this transportation method. While some argue that it should not be used air transportation for this aim and its consequences is not acceptable, I believe that it could be a positive progress for us.  
  
There are various reasons why people believe that usage of air transport should not expand and it will have detrimental effects in the future. They may assert that this way of transportation would likely cause air pollution and Humanity will be exposed to many possible risks such as respiratory diseases. Moreover, this method of transmission is quite expensive and people in destination may buy the produces in higher fees compared to the source country. Besides, governments would usually take tax on export goods. Hence the prices of these products will highly rise and this increase would be difficult for average people to afford it.  
  
In spite of these drawbacks, I believe that this type of transportation could be mutually beneficial for exporter and importer. In my opinion, people receiving these agricultural products can benefit from them and they can have a wide variety of fruits or vegetables all the time. In addition, it can make more job opportunities in the country of origin and consequently, it would lead to economic growth in these countries.  
  
In conclusion, although it might appear air transfer is damaging and it is stated we should not use it, I personally think their benefits outweigh the disadvantages and it is a huge advance in our transportation system.
Medhi, one of the many problems that your essay possesses is that you did not compose an accurate prompt restatement. Now, without seeing the original prompt, which I wish you had posted instead of the shortcut instructions in the title box, I cannot give you an example of the proper content and format for the response. However, I can tell you that the mistake you made is in the discussion format method as indicated by your short instruction mentions.  
  
Instruction: Discuss both points of view and your personal opinion  
Response: While some argue that it should not be used air transportation for this aim and its consequences is not acceptable, I believe that it could be a positive progress for us.  
  
As you can see, your discussion restatement is the main mistake that you created in this paragraph. You deviated from the prompt discussion which should have only stated that you will discuss both points of view and then your personal opinion. Instead, you presented an analytical opinion essay with a direct response. Two actions that are not done in an opinion discussion essay. Read the other samples here to get an idea of how to more accurately create a prompt paraphrase.  
  
While your second paragraph is complete in terms of the sentence requirement, all you have presented here are reasons without explanations. As such, the paragraph presented is not completely informative. An accurate body of paragraph should have the following information:  
  
1. One topic sentence at the start  
2. Reason for this belief  
3. Supporting sentence  
4. Example  
5. Explanation of sample / transition sentence  
  
Now, you were not able to properly do the above because of your presentation that focused more on just listing talking points rather than actually developing your discussion. The talking points are not as important as the clear and cohesive explanation of the reason. You could actually complete this essay in the following paragraph format:  
  
1. Paraphrase  
2. POV 1 - 1 topic, reason, explanation, sample  
3. POV 2 - 1 topic, reason, explanation, sample  
4. Personal Opinion - 1 topic, reason, explanation, sample  
5. Concluding summary of the topic, discussion instruction, topics, and closing sentence (restatement of personal opinion  
  
Based on the outline, you can clearly see not only where you made mistakes, but also, how you can improve your writing for this type of essay instruction format.
*Topics: Disruptive school students have a negative influence on others. Students who are noisy and disobedient should be grouped together and taught separately. Do you agree or disagree ? give reasons for your answer*  
  
## how to tackle students with behavioural problems?

  
  
One can safely assume that every learning environment has the least one student who is disruptive and has many behavioural problems. Some people reckon that they can impact negatively on colleagues and school or head teacher should put all of them in a group to teach. Personally, I am of the opinion that although grouping poorly-behaved students has certain benefits, its drawbacks should be taken into consideration.  
  
On the one hand, there is a handful of reasons why disobedient students should be separated. Firstly, they are always making noise. This lets other students in the class who are concentrating on lessons will be disturbed and don't understand which their teacher has taught. Both they and disruptive students don't get the score as they expect, even their study will be declined. Secondly, putting boisterous students in a group facilitate teacher's teaching method and syllabuses to classify students according to their grades. More appropriate methods are employed and proper lesson contents to their competence are given.  
  
Another aspect, I believe that there are undeniable disadvantages of this method. All learners have equal rights and opportunities to learn and to be taught. However, this method makes them feel being deprived. The more they are discouraged, the less they lose motivation to learn. From role models in class, these obedient students are easier to learn from the good students and teachers. They try hard such as concentrating lessons in class or doing homework to catch up with classmates. If grouping these students, the students can cost much money for facilities of the school because they have to add more rooms, desks, chairs, boards,...  
  
Putting badly-behaved students in a group brings many advantages for both others students and teachers, even for themselves trying their best to keep up with classmates. However, there are many reasons improving that this method is not very suitable. Each student in the learning environment needs to aware of own discipline to follow rules in school or class.
Hi THÙY, hope that I can help and please let me know if I am wrong.  
  
First of all, I **guess** you are on the 'disagree' side, right? Or you are on 'balancing approach'?  
  
Some people reckon that ~~they~~ such/thus students with problems can impact ... should put ~~all of~~ them in a separate group to teach.  
I'm not sure but I get confused with the pronoun 'they', are 'they' referring 'some people' or 'naughty student'?  
  
This lets other ~~students~~ in the class who ...  
This sentence deliver: 1. student in the class, 2. student are concentrated on lesson, 3. student are being disturbed, 4. student are not understanding what their teacher taught. Sorry that I do not have sufficient skill on putting so many ideas in a single sentence but may I try to rewrite it and would be wonderful if you can help to comment it.  
  
Others in the class may disturbed by the noise or even lead them lost their concentration to the lesson. As a result they do not learn what their teacher taught.  
  
even (even?) their ~~study~~ score will be declined.  
~~All learners have~~ Every student has equal rights ... to learn ~~and to be taught~~.  
..., the less (more or less?) they lose motivation to learn.  
~~the students can~~ this will also cost ~~much money for~~ more on extra facilities ~~of~~ for the school ~~because they have to add more~~ such as extra rooms, desks, chairs~~,~~ and boards.~~,...~~  
... needs to aware of own discipline to ...  
For the concluding paragraph, I believe it would be sufficient with just paraphrasing/summarizing your body paragraphs plus closing sentence which state your position. The sentence about saying student should do good in school or class may irrelevant or inappropriate to appear there.
Thuy, your essay is only partially responsive to the task indicated in the original essay. Your original prompt instruction only asks you to agree or disagree but you created your own prompt discussion in the paraphrase which means your thesis statement is unrelated to the task. Look at this for clarification purposes regarding your error in the prompt paraphrase that caused the discussion deviation:  
  
Question: Do you agree or disagree ?  
Response: I am of the opinion that although grouping poorly-behaved students has certain benefits, its drawbacks should be taken into consideration.  
  
You totally went off the mark in your response, which shows the examiner that you do not understand the instructions for the discussion, which means you will only get a score of 1 in the TA section, which means you will not be able to garner a score of 5 overall for this type of writing due to other scoring consideration errors in your part. That is, even though your body of paragraphs responded properly to the original prompt requirement of specified reasons for your opinion. Your presentation response was not an opinion but rather a discussion of benefits and drawbacks. That is the opposite of what the prompt response should have been.
Mark, you have a tendency to confuse the discussion by presenting unrelated natural disasters such as earthquakes and crime rates in the research paper. Don't distract the reader in such a confusing manner. From the very start, focus the essay on what you really wish to discuss. Will it be the causes of hurricanes? The deaths caused by hurricanes, or the cost of hurricanes? I am confused as to whether this is to be a scientific study or a political review of how badly prepared PR is for hurricanes due to its status as a protectorate of the US. This current version of the research paper is all over the place. I can't really keep track of what your original thesis statement is, how it is presented in the paper in terms of research, and what the relation of the aforementioned topics are to the study of Hurricanes and its prevention. Edit the paper in terms of content. Try to outline your paper first in order to discover what paragraphs should stay and which should go. A sample outline is:  
  
I. Thesis Statement  
II. Response  
III. Discussion Topics in relation to the response  
IIIa. Topic 1  
  
and so on and so forth. You get the picture. Don't keep the aspects that can confuse the reader or break the concentration or flow of thought for the reader. That will create a very weakly developed and discussed essay on your part.
Hello, i'm preparing for ielts test and looking for some feedback about my writing. I will appreciate If you are willing to leave me some comments.  
  
## in maps - construction of some tourist facilities

  
  
**Question：**  
The two maps below show an island, before and after the construction of some tourist facilities.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.  
  
**Answer：**  
  
The two maps depict the changing of landuse on an island. Overall,it is clear from the graphs that there are more building of tourist infrastructure and a pier giving visitors access to the island after construction.  
  
According to the proportional scale, the island was approximately 100 metres wide and 200 metres long. There was none of physical facilities built with only a few tress growing on the island and a beach extending from the west coast.  
  
After planning and reconstruction, the island has been transformed into a scenic spot with a reception surrounded by vehicle track, connecting it to a restaurant in the north and to a pier on the south-coast island. In addition, there were some residences located on both side of the reception. Each housing were linked to a footpath forming a circle in the middle, and on the left side of residence, there was an extra path connecting to a beach available for swimming use on the western tip of the island.  
  
Besides the developmental changes,it is also obvious to note that the eastern part of the land still remain undeveloped.  
  
*
Mia, you wrote a pretty decent comparison report for the images presented. However, by using the proportional scale reference, you changed the information from "100 meters to the sea from the beach" to "100 meters wide and 200 meters long." There is no reference to 200 meters in either illustration. That is an analytical mistake on your part that could result in a scoring down of your TA score. Do not make up information, do not change the information, do not use information not backed up by the illustration either. I cannot stress this enough. In a task 1 essay, you are scored on the accuracy of your analysis and proper use of information in your essay. Avoid making such errors in the future in order to keep your possible score at the highest level your analytical writing can produce. You also failed to identify that a beach allotment was outlined in both illustrations along with references to the sea location.
*Q: The best way for the government to solve traffic congestion is to provide free public transport 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. To what extent do you agree or disagree?*  
  
## GOOD/BAD METHOD FOR LOWERING BIG TRAFFIC ON ROADS

  
  
Since traffic congestion has been a hot problem in many countries, some of them have published a regulation about free public transportation in order to alleviate the serious traffic jam and air pollution. But as far as I know, it hasn't implement successfully as it has a lot of drawbacks. I will talk about its disadvantages as follows.  
  
Firstly, to implement the policy needs a supplement support from the government finance. Every year, the financial department should create a financial budget to cover all items of investment. In other words, the fee to provide free public transport would be put into the budget, which is costly. Normally, is takes several years to recover the cost by putting the railway system into use. So these countries try to solve the traffic problem through free tickets gave up at last due to the financial burden.  
  
Secondly, the outcome still suspended even if our government have the ability to support the expense. For instance, in rush hours, the existing transport system is already run out with so many passengers surge into the railway stations and bus stations. I strongly believe that they would stop working if it's free to take to public transport. Also, a part of them will choose to drive again after going through the experience.  
  
At last, applying for 24 hours everyday should be a waste of resources. Since the most serious time of congestion is on rush hours, so people won't take public transports at midnight when they'd rather drive a car for security. Worse than that, this kind of public places will be the shelter of homeless one without supervising.  
  
In conclusion, although free public transport will attract a majority of people and prevent them driving a car, the huge financial burden and supervising measures would be an obstacle. Personally, I don't think it should be the best way to solve the problem.  
  
A friend of mine wrote that for IELTS preparation but I don't even know where to begin to help her. Any advice would really be appreciated.