dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Please help me to correct the essay on the topic **"Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads"**. I have revised it twice and I am sure there still have many mistakes, please correct or comment, thank you for your time and knowledge.  
  
## railways or roads?

  
  
It is true that people hold different views on where should we investigate more money on transportation: railways or roads. I would argue that roads are probably worth more investigation if the available budgets are limited.  
  
Roads are deserved more financial support for a number of reasons. Firstly, Most people are more depend on the roads than railway in their daily life, especially due to the fact that more and more people are choosing drive to work in recent decades, as a result of an increasing number of the private cars, traffic jams are frequently happened in rush hour due to the poor road condition or outdated road design, so it is quite urgent to improve the roads to mitigate the load traffic pressure in city which closely related to majority people's benefit in the city. Secondly, constructing a road is faster and easier, unlike a railway, road only requires basic equipment to be built, and the same budget can usually build more roads in terms of length in shorter time, hence obviously building road is more efficient.  
  
But I guess there can be times when investigating on railways become more favourable, for example, railways appear to be more suitable to connect a long distance cities which could be hard to drive, in addition, railways carry more people than roads do. However, not everyone takes railway every day, but almost every one of us needs to walk or drive on the roads every day. Road has nearly become an indispensable part of the modern life  
  
Taking all of the above considerations into account, I am convinced that roads are more important than railways and roads are deserve more investigations.
Yong, the main problem that you have work this essay is that you are not discussing it properly. Read the instructions again and analyze what it is asking you to do. The instruction is asking you to pick one side of the discussion and then defended it. So you should choose if you want to agree with the statement or not and then support and defend that point of view. Pick just one side to represent. This is a supporting opinion essay, not a comparison essay. So what do you have to do to fix this essay?  
  
1. Properly paraphrase the opening statement, closing it with the opinion you support.  
2. Don't discuss more than one opinion per paragraph so that you can develop a convincing argument. Present your strongest reason and develop it. You can present the second supporting opinion in a separate paragraph.  
  
3. Develop a more appropriate closing statement that properly sums up your topic statement, reasons for supporting a point of view, and a restatement of your final opinion.  
  
These are the required changes that will better assist you in developing an essay that it's more prompt adherent and will allow you to showcase all of your English writing skills.
## transporting goods over a long distance

  
  
Topic : **"As global trade increases between different countries, many daily necessities are produced in other countries. Such goods are usually transported a long distance. Do the benefits of this trend outweight its drawbacks?"**  
  
Concerning the issue of global trade, people hold different views. Actually, there are both advantages and disadvantages of transporting goods over a long distance. Nonetheless, in my opinion I believe that the advantages outweight the disadvantages  
  
On the one hand, the benefits of this phenomena are undeniable. One of them is that consumers will have chances to taste a variety of fruits and vegetables from all parts of the world and use products that can not be produved in their countries. For instance, nowadays, Vietnamese people can try kiwi and cherry due to internationl business. Additionally, enterprises of countries will expand the consuming market and the overall economy of the country can be boosted. Besides, this kind of trade will creat employment for not only local but also overseas employees. It helps in developing good relationships between countries and bring peace and stability for the world.  
  
On the other hand, in the light of the fact that in some extent, long distance of transporting also brings several drawbacks. Firstly, without serious protecting policies, domestic products and companies can be on the verge of bankruptcy by the price and market competitiveness from foreign ones. Furthermore, when goods are transported in thousands of miles by road, sea and air, pollution will be increased owing to the toxic fumes from vehicle's engine. For these reasons, international business can be imperfect  
  
To sum up, for what mentioned above, it can be affirmed that each view has it own merits and demerits. Thus, it is highly recommened that governments should take care of the economy of their own country.
Peter, in the first instance, you must know that this type of write-up is an essay and not a presention, so it should not be on bullet points. That said, I will now comment on the post altogether. You did well in your sentence construction except for few typos. However, you were not able to do a proper paraphrasing of the prompt. Usually, the introductory paragraph should contain a thesis statement of what the reviwer will expect in the body of the essay. Of course, a good paraphrase of the prompt is the sure way to usher in your thesis statement. Also, you should note that the essay is opinionated, therefore you can agree or disagree and then justify why did so. You are not expected to agree and disagree at the same time. In the first paragraph, your points supported the fact that you believed that benefits outweight disadvantages, but the second paragraph says otherwise ''... increased owing to the toxic fumes from vehicle's engine. For these reasons, international business can be imperfect''. Recommendtions are not required in this essay because you just gave your opinion and others would do theirs, hence, your conclusion is not acceptable. Always try to understand the question in the prompt so as to answer correctly. I like the way you utilized transition words and phrases which means you can do better in your next practices. I can give this essay a 5.
## Cambridge IELTS 9, Test 2, task 1

  
  
Dear all,  
I have just written Task 1 for Cambridge IELTS 9, test 2. Please help me correct it. Thank you so much for your help!!  
**The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in the UK, divided into three categories, from 1995-2002.**  
  
The chart compares the time spent by UK residents on different types of telephone calls between 1995 and 2002.  
  
Overall, while most of the UK citizens made local calls and the popularity of cell phones increased rapidly, the amount of time used for making local fixed line calls witnessed a downward trend compared to the other figures over the last four years of the period.  
  
In 1995, more than 70 billion minutes were spent by people who made local fixed line calls while the figure for national and international fixed line calls and cell phone calls stood at 37 and only 3 billion minutes, respectively. The use of local fixed line went up steadily and reached a peak of 90 billion minutes, however, it then began to fall to about 72 billion in 2002.  
  
Meanwhile, the national & international-fixed dial call type increased gradually by around 22 billion in 2002 from the initial figure of 38 billion in 1995. Similarly, there was a gradual rise in mobile phone calls to nearly 10 million in 1998, and then it continued its upward trend in the next four years to peak at 45 billion in 2002.  
  
(191 words)  
  
*
Hi, I thought you did a great job on this one. Your writing is clear, but I do have some specific suggestions:  
  
In your intro, it is a good idea to mention the units, so "time spent, in minutes, by UK residents"  
  
... amount of time [spent] making local fixed line calls  
reached a peak of 90 billion minutes, {I would mention when it reached this peak} however, it then began to fall to about 72 billion in 2002.  
  
... increased gradually by around 22 billion in 2002 {to me, this makes it sound like the whole 22 billion increase took place in 2002 - maybe "by 2002"}  
  
then it continued its upward trend in the next four years {it did not really "continue", it switched to a higher linear rate, although to me maybe the whole trend is more exponential
Link: theguardian/teacher-network/2017/may/11/how-can-parents-help-students-survive-the-exam-season  
  
## Write a summary

  
  
"How can parents help students survive the exam season?" , as what its name aims to, gives advice on what parents can do to help their children cope with exams. From the author's point of view, it's important for parents to take action and give students necessary guidance. Here are some tips which are mentioned in the article. The first thing is expectations matter. Parents should point out a target for students to follow. In addition, they should be supportive rather than neglectful after having such high expectations. Secondly, it is advised that parents be optimistic about failure. Setbacks should be regarded as opportunities to learn instead of as personal judgments. Thirdly, some strategies are not always effective. The reason is those techniques doesn't require students to brainstorm but keep things in long-term memory. Fourthly, set a cleary time limitation to do a task. This simple work not only helps students get used to realistic deadlines but also helps parents to avoid feeling that they are nagging. Fifthly, students should stay away from phones. Learning time can be wasted by using mobile phones, as a result, the quality of learning is impoverished. The solution is that parents should give advice on how to control the time of using phones or some strict rules need setting. Sixthly, having adequate sleeps(about nine hours per night) is essential for examinees. Spending sleeping time to do extra revision or going to bed at illogical times or drinking caffeine to keep their minds up are such bad things that should be avoided in the night before exams. Last but not least, going out to enjoy the natural atmosphere is a solution to refresh students'mind. Parents should encourage them to get out of the walls at least once a day to relax. The more they enjoy the environment, the better their performances will be. In short, exam season is such a hard time for examinees to go through that parents somehow should do practical work to help them.
Hi, I thought you did an excellent job summarizing this article. You restated most of the points very clearly, but I do have a few suggestions:  
  
... , as what its name aims to, {"title" is better than name here, and this whole phrase sounds a bit odd to me, maybe "as its title promises, gives ..."}  
  
The first thing is expectations matter. {I try to avoid using "thing" - be more specific - here "point" or "tip" would be good}  
  
Thirdly, some strategies ... to brainstorm but keep things in long-term memory. {this section is not very clear. I don't think you used brainstorm correctly, it does not really mean to "think hard". Also, keeping things in long-term memory is the goal}  
  
Fourthly, set a [clear] time limitation ...  
This simple work not only {"work" should not be countable here, and another word choice would be better anyway}  
... how to control the time [spent] using phones ...  
  
Sixthly, having adequate [sleep] (about nine hours per night) is ...  
  
... solution to refresh students' [minds] ...  
  
Parents should encourage them to get out of the walls {"out of the walls" sounds pretty odd here - only rats live in the walls ;) }  
parents somehow should do {"somehow" is not quite right - "somehow should" means you don't really know how they should -  
"The President somehow should fix our country." }
Bao, I must give you a thumb-up for the excellent skills you showed in summarizing the article. Stating each point and making a brief statement on the point is a plausible way of giving the reader a feel of the ideas developed thereof. With regard to your question, 'action' fits well in that expression compared to 'work'. However, I have a little problem accepting the entire sentence and the one before it. ''...set a cleary timelimitation to do a task''. These two words should be change to 'clear' and 'limit' respectively for the expression to have a complete meaning. Also, ''...but also helps parents to avoid feeling that they are nagging'' the highlighted expression would serve better if it reads as ''helps parents not to feel''.Finally, the statement ''...exam season is such a hard time for examinees to go through that parents'' can be improved if the red-coded expression reads ''...so hard a time for examinees...''. Overall, the job you have done already is worth some applauds.
***Nowadays doctors can become very rich. Maybe they should not focus on profitable activities such as plastic surgery or be looking after rich patients and concentrate more on patients health, no matter how rich they are?***  
  
## curing patients without charging money?

  
  
Whether it is reasonable doctor engage with a variety of profitable tasks when a doctor become wealthy. While someone argues that it is absolutely absurd a wealthy doctor is likely to be involved in money-driven activities instead of focusing on patients' health, I personally believe that wealthy doctors are doing the most right stuff.  
  
Firstly, most doctors like ordinary people are eager to be wealthier than before, while, few others prefer to take good care of ordinary people, they are rich though. In most cases, world class great leap in the medical industry are achieved by wealthy scientists or doctors. And it is definitely supported by large amounts of funds which need to engage doctors with profitable activities. In other words, the doctors who concentrate on patients' health hardly contributing largely to human beings as they don't have enough funds to support their study.  
  
The second point is it is the doctors' freedom to choose their activities, only if they obey doctors' ethic. Like us, a doctor can perform well only if they are engaged in their preferred activities. And pursuing freedom of wealth are dreams of most ordinary people, including doctors, which motives doctors to do better and better in their area to a certain extent. On the other hands, once they achieve their financial goals, they would, from the bottom of their heart, be willing to help others. They then concentrate more on patients' health, instead of pursuing money.  
  
To put everything in a nutshell, pursuing financial freedom is a doctor as a human being normal desire. With this pursuit, a doctor can contribute society to the fullest extent by either breaking existing medical limits or truly focus on patients' health when they are free of finance.
PEI, I must say that you have shown a certain level of mastery in this essay. Your points are well structured with proper transition words and phrases. Your conclusion is good except that you need to restructure the second sentence in a way that you can create a third sentence from it so that you would have a perfect paragraph. The only significant demerit of your current draft is in the paraphrase of the prompt. Your opening statement does not depict a proper thesis statement that introduces the points you skillfully developed in the body of your essay. This resulted from the fact that you did not do a good paraphrase of the prompt. Apart from these observations and other errors due to typos, you have really done well in arguing points. This essay should earn you a score not less than 5.5.
WT\_Task 2 20/5/2017  
Some people think a job not only provides income but also social life. Others think it is better to develop social life with people you do not work with. Discuss both view and give your opinion?  
  
## What are the benefits of having a stable job?

  
  
Some people believe that entering a job supplies people with not only enough money for them in order to allocate essential human needs but also social relationships. Although there is some truth to that statement, I tend towards the viewpoint that occupied individuals should socialize with non-colleagues.  
  
On the one hand, staying in profession can support people not only make adequate money to make ends meet but also expand social life in their workplace are undeniable. As a matter fact, having a stable job allows people to solve basic human survival need namely: pay for housing, bills of heath care, moving, educations. Moreover, as a tendency, a great deal of youngsters switch careers to enquire a vacancy with good salary, which assist them having a chane heightenning social living standards. Secondly, in under today's context of globalisation and international intergrationt where diffirent cultures cross, individual can interact with everyone from countries and culture diversity. This gives them uncountable opportunities to be contributing factor influencing built up social relationship with their chiefs and colleagues, which provide gradually them to be comfortable workplaces.  
  
On the other hand, I still belive that developing social life with people who is not co-wokers. To begin with, when they work with their fellows lead to decline producivity, which would result in unsedesirable outcomes, due to they will lack of innovative mentality. Additionally, people can have various chance to acquire numbers of new valuable experiences and skills if they socialize with people who are not their familiar colleagues. As a result, those individuals can possess a golden selling point to enter the rising competitive job market, which enables them to move up the career ladder and earn a more lucrative living.  
  
In brief, entering a job helps people both income and social life. But I always believe that promoting social life with people who work outside office is right choice.  
  
Word count: 314
Anhphong, the essay is very confusing to read. There is a lack of proper representation of the two argumentative sides prior to your introduction of your opinion in the opening statement. This is the most critical point of your essay as this is where you are expected to outline your upcoming discussion and you failed to properly do that. The discussions that you presented also tend to veer away from the original conversation and insert other non-related information. Specifically in paragraph 2. Paragraph 3 is simple impossible to understand. I know that it probably makes sense to you in your vernacular tongue. In English though, the paragraph is heading nowhere. It is neither here nor there in its idea presentation.These problems with your discussion are what led to your overall score of 4. That is based upon my assessment of your work, inclusive of the grammar, punctuation, lexical, as well as cohesiveness and cohesion considerations.
**IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - Top internet purchase categories by country**  
  
## notes from the chart on online buying

  
  
The chart below shows proportion of consumers purchasing item online from three countries, which are Australia, Canada and the UK.  
It is clear that some items such as music, computer equipment and books have higher percentage of consumers than others, including toys, food and drink, financial services and DVDs/video.  
  
One of the first thing to note is that people from the UK made the most purchases on music. More specifically, nearly 68 percents of consumer bought these things online. In addition, the smallest percentage of UK consumers came from financial services. It reach only 3 percents. Another thing which stands out in this chart is that Australian people and Canadian people spent much more on buying books online. The percentage of both countries consumer purchasing books reach the same point at 46 percents. One final thing to note is that toys, food and drink are two item with lowest expense from consumer in Australia, Canada. It reached approximately 3 percents for both.  
  
*
***Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education?***  
  
## Poverty on the planet earth

  
  
Poor has always been a problem existing on the planet. While some people argue that it is a good way of handling this issue that rich country should share their belongings with the poor nation, I disagree with this proposal and believe instead that it is up to governments of rural countries to take care of their natives.  
  
Today, so many international charities over the world are legally running in order to eliminate this worrisome issue, the achievements are nevertheless small. In other words, even though thousands of global volunteers are engaged with providing food, teaching poor children, and even building infrastructures in the local every year, the lives of poor people are still not enhanced significantly. It is thus not only an unreasonable way of tackling this issue, it is also wrong as it ignores the root causes of this matter. Rather, governments should be accused in this matter.  
  
Indeed, a government is responsible for improving the life qualities of its citizen. Its existence is to ensure a country can thrive. On other words, a government should not as a master of a nation, but instead being a housekeeper of its citizens. It must be working nicely in a country's infrastructure and services while its master citizen is busy doing productive thing so that the master and housekeeper can both enjoy their own home while in unproductive times. Not only should a government act as a housekeeper, they should also act as a guard. It hence can protect its citizen from offending.  
  
In conclusion, wealthy sharing has a minor positive effect on enhancing poor nations' economy. As government is the root cause of this problem. Government should take all responsibilities to make its country prosperous. It is the key factor in the advancement of a country.
Hi, I thought your essay was pretty good, though I wonder what if the government itself, through corruption and so on,  
is the cause of the poverty. Your writing is understandable, but you do have a lot of small grammar and usage errors that makes your writing sound somewhat unnatural. Here are some specific suggestions:  
  
~~Poor~~ [Poverty] has always been a problem  
  
people argue that ~~it is a good way of handling~~ [the proper way to handle] this issue [is] that rich countr[ies]  
  
governments of rural countries {rural countries are not always poor and urban areas can also be poor}  
  
with the poor nation[s ]  
  
take care of their natives. {citizens seems better here}  
are legally running in order {"working" seems better than "running", and why stress that they are working legally?}  
  
and even building [infrastructure] in the local [areas] every year  
  
governments should be accused {did you mean "accused"? This doesn't really make sense}  
  
the life qualities of its citizen[s ] {"quality of life" sounds more natural}  
  
~~On~~ [In] other words, ... not [act] as a master ... instead [be] a housekeeper  
  
It hence can protect its citizen from offending. {this sentence is odd and confusing}  
  
In conclusion, [wealth-sharing]  
As government is the root cause of this problem. {this is not a complete sentence. Use a comma to connect it to the next sentence}
are legally running in order {"working" seems better than "running", and why stress that they are working legally?}  
I hold my view of running is better over here. As of why stress legally, as I think not all declared charities are not real charities.  
  
governments should be accused {did you mean "accused"? This doesn't really make sense}  
As of this comment, I think a government is accountable for fixing poverty issue of its nation.  
  
By the way, Thanks for your helpful advises. It really helps me. So nice of you.