dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## the heritage of a nation

  
  
SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT THE GOVERNMENT IS WASTING MONEY ON THE ARTS ND THAT THIS MONEY COULD BE BETTER SPENT ELSEWHERE. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?  
  
The art plays a vital role in human beings life. Even though many sociologists believe that governments are squandering money on arts, others argue states should invest more in arts and artists, as it is indispensable part of today's society. This essay disagrees with the view that governments are wasting revenue on sectors like arts because these fields are good source of income and significant means to reduce stress from a society.  
  
Perhaps, arts are good source of income to nation's revenue. Arts represent the heritage of a nation or depict creativity of an individual. There are number of artistic sculptures and monuments which attract a large sum of people all around the world. One of good example can be cited in the Cairo, at Egypt. The Pyramid, one of the seven wonders of the world, always attracts plethora of tourists throughout the year, which generate a huge amount of revenue to Egyptian government through foreign exchange. Thus, preserving and promoting ancient arts always have significant impact on nation's economy.  
  
Probably, arts are good source of venting out stress. It is commonly believed that people are getting busier day by day because of rat race. Nowadays, citizens like to spend some times with their family members and indulge in some entertainment activity. This is where arts play a pivotal role in today's community, as entertainments like cinemas, dramas and serials are the inevitable part of human beings' life and vent out stress from their busy lifestyle. Therefore, investing in arts promote sustainable environment in a society.  
  
To conclude, nation gains numerous benefits if government spends sufficient amount on development and promotion of arts and artists. Although, many consider investing in arts and artists is waste of time and money, it has many positive impacts on community.
I think you spent to much space in the first paragraph. The first paragraph should just be an introduction which includes a general idea and your simple answer to the question. It is better to focus more on the second and the third paragraph as they are the main paragraphs, and how much score you will receive also highly depend on this portion. The other problem would be the "Perhaps" and the "Probably". You're supposed to provide your opinions and be confident about them, so I suggest you can start with something like, "I believe..." or "In my opinion...", which would be much more appropriate for a part 2 essay for ielts. The conclusion is quite good.
Hi everyone ! Please give me some feedback on my paragraph. Many thanks !!!  
  
## essential attributes that an entrepreneur must have

  
  
There are several essential attributes that an entrepreneur must have to forge ahead. The first key factor contributing to one's success is passion. It is stated that a life without passion would seem meaningless and mundane. Indeed, if one lacks his passion for his job, seldom will he devote his time and efforts to work, let alone become successful. Therefore, if one stays motivated and passionate, he can reach the peak of the arduous career ladder paved with adversities. Another characteristic that push an entrepreneur forward is flexibility. It is highly advisable that individuals should stand their ground, however, in some cases, receptiveness is a wiser option. The key rationale behind this is that being willing to adopt changes allows a businessman to determine the optimal marketing strategy that attracts potential clients.
Hello everybody,  
  
I will attend the IELTS exam on October. I hope someone give me a favor.  
If you can help me to check my writting,I will be gald.  
Thank for your time for reading.  
  
## a new job - consider the money only?

  
  
IELTS WRITTING TASK2  
*It is sometimes said that a high salary is the most important factor in choosing a job.Do you agree or disagree?*  
  
In modern time, looking for an excellent job can enhance one's quality of life. Most people believed that hight salary is the key element in all reason. I disagree with this point. The statement will be addressed  
  
One of the most controversial issues related to high revenue can not enough afford the extra expense. This is due to the fact that lots of enterprises concentrate in the business zone of the city which offers high payment to absorb competent staff from other places so that people's expenditure will increase in traffic, rent of house and price of a commodity. In addition, it is difficult to save the deposit for other plans in the future. According to the news, some employee who lives in the city should spend 15years to own house without eating and playing. As a result, their income almost equal to livelihood who live in there. It is a challenge to balance a successful career and a comfortable life.  
  
There is no doubt that a wide range of development of career is more critical than a high salary. The main idea behind this is, the company's culture and regulation affect their talent and value in the workplace. Furthermore, strong resource and personal training is an invisible wealth to increase their profession. It is common to see that a successful company gives staff more opportunity to express their mind and accept innovation. They not only earn money but also obtain achievement.  
  
Given the above statement, it is reasonable to conclude that choosing the job is not just consider the money. In my point of view,I believe that saving and development will affect one's ability in workplace.
**TASK:  
*Some people think that one should retire at the age of 65.  
Others say that people should be allowed to work for as long as they want to.  
## What is your opinion about this?***  
  
People have argued over the suitable retirement age for the elderly. From my perspective, the society can reap benefits from giving them a job offer after the age of 65.  
  
First and foremost, based on the common rights shared by the elderly and the others, all of us have our free will to work as much as we desire. Why would we fold our arms but not to make good use of own experiences? To be a well developed country all the elderly would be invited to work.  
  
Second, with more well-trained members joining the workforce, it will ease the burden on the government's society expenses. That's why the government appeals for the old to work after the retirement age. To become a sophisticated society the elderly people's productivity should be exploited for the greater good.  
  
The medical technologies empower us a longer and healthy life. Although there are some setbacks, I think it is important for everyone to be given the same chances in work, regardless of age.
@kev2  
Para 1: reap the benefits of sth.  
Para 2: What did you mean "the others", better use just "others". This para, you didn't explain clearly why it's good for being a developed country. in your topic sentence, you pointed out that's the elderly' rights to work longer. Why it's related to developed countries. It doesn't make sense to me.  
  
Para 3: government society's expense, this is a wrong expression. appeal to, rather than appeal for. Again, topic sentence, it, what's it? this pronoun was been overused.  
  
Para 4: As for conclusions, there should not be new ideas included. wrong word: setback, should be drawbacks.  
  
Suggestions: ideas were not arranged logically, and not convincing at all. You better work on brainstorming practice, and use words more accurately.
## Ielts writing task 2 job satisfaction

  
  
As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual well-being. What factors contribute to job satisfaction ? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers ?  
  
Nowadays, modern people have longer working hours than workers in the past. it means, labors spend more time in their workplace. Therefore, whether people are satisfied with their careers become an essential issue for human's day-to-day life. I assert that several reasons affect workers' attitude towards their job, and for some people it is difficult to appreciate their jobs.  
  
First and foremost, passion is a major rationale for working adults to be satisfied with their occupation. It is apparent that those who are interested at their work might energetically be more willing to dig deep and gain more knowledge in their specific working area. Also, bridging positive relationship with colleagues is an influential effect, too. Human is always the group animal, so if workers can feel the warm from their company, they might be more active to work.  
  
However, for some labors, it is almost impossible to seek happiness at work. One reason is that owing to the realistic aspects such as financial problem, people are unable to choose their dream job. That means, they inevitably are supposed to target those job which can earn enough money for their family. Another reason results in a lack of appropriate academic qualification. Some labors have difficulty to pursue higher education, so it turns out that they can only meet requirements of low quality jobs. Therefore, it is quite hard for workers to enjoy their work in such a bad environment.  
  
In a nutshell, both passion and colleague relationship are the main factors which might influence people's enjoyment of job. Meanwhile, it is absolutely not possible for every adult to enjoy their career.
## Contribution of selected sectors to the UK economy in the 20th century

  
  
The graph illustrates data about how the agriculture, manufacturing, and business and financial services contributed to British economy from 1900 to 2000. Overall, the contribution of agriculture and manufacturing declined, whereas the trend of business and financial services increased gradually throughout the entire period.  
  
It is clearly seen that in the first half of the twentieth century, Agricultural had a significant contribution to United Kingdom economy. It contributed more than 50% of whole economy. However, this situation reversed in the last fifty years. It decreased dramatically to 10% in 1975 and downed to the least was only 2% in 2000.  
  
Similarly, the contribution of manufacturing declined in the entire period, but more steadily. It reached a peak was 47% in 1900 and dropped slightly to 40% and 35% in 1950 and 1975. In the last quarter of century, this trend fell suddenly to only 15%.  
  
In contrast, business and finance services were becoming more and more important part of UK economy. In 1900 business and finance services contributed only 4% of whole economy. Subsequently, it rose gradually to 10% and 20% in the 1950 and 1975. In the last 25 years, this trend went up dramatically to about 40% and became more significant part in UK economy.  
  
Please help me with this essay. I appreciate your help.  
  
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General Advice  
1. Compare all items based on years, rather than describing each in different years。  
2. Pay attention to your prepositions。  
3. Don't include the intro and overview in the same paragraph。  
4. misused words：reverse，similarly，become more important【not become more and more important part】，subsequently，trend cannot go down to specific figures，become a more significant part【part is countable nouns】  
  
This writing probably will be marked as 6-6.5 which will drag your overall score down.
## marriages and divorces statistics

  
  
The figure depicts information about the weeding ceremony and splitsville ratio of USA from 1970 to 2000,whulile bachelorhood of men and women Americans in teo annual  
  
Ia an overview, it can be notice that marriages ration is twice than divorce throughout the period whereas, in second table, married proportion of adults is highest as compared to other marital status in both years  
  
As can be seen from the figure that in 1970 an 1980,2.5 million were marriage which is Highest rate. Similarly, in 1980 approximately 1.4 millions were divorced which is the highest rate. In 990 number of maarigae and divorced had slightly decreased by about 2. 3 million and 1.2 million respectively from 2.5 millinlon and 1.4 million of 1990  
  
In addition, as per second table, highest proportion of adults were in married In 1970 and 2000 by 70 as well as about 60 percentage whereas least proportion were divorced, in1970 and widowed, in 2000  
  
*   
*Number of marriage and divorced in the USA 1970 - 2000ll*
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*Marital status of adults American, 1970 and 2000*
## 21st century innovations

  
  
**Many people are optimistic about 21st century and expect scientists to make positive changes to the world. To what extend do you agree or disagree with their optimism? What changes would you like to see in the new century?**  
  
Nowadays, inventing positive innovations to the world has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although this trend is not without disadvantages, the upsides will justified these.  
  
There are a number of downsides of that trend. First, by technological development, which can put people at risk situations. In fact the development in the food processing technology is directly responsible for many health problems, such as obesity, diabetes and heart disease, costing a lot of money of citizens and the government. Second, since improvement in technology undoubtedly accelerates industrialization, which leads to intensifying the greenhouse effects. For example, intense use of artificial fertilizers or over-exploitation of natural resources has arisen, leading to environmental degradation.  
  
There are a number of advantages that the majority of people want to see in the future. First, if the future of genetic engineering is advanced, a radical technology can be introduced to genetically modify plants and animals. This means that it will increase crop yield, which in turn generate more income to people. Second, in order to ensure for people's safe food, scientists will be able to teach a machine to find relation between thousands of poisoning cases. Plenty of evidence suggest that food contains many chemicals that is directly affect people's health, which is easy discovered by technological mechanism down the road.  
  
In conclusion, it seems to be a fact that whenever a technology arises, there must be some problems that follow. When people are impressed by the benefits brought by a new technology, it is so important to evaluate its negative impacts.
There are ~~a number of~~ downsides ... First, in technological development that may put people ... ~~In fact~~ The development in the food ... is ~~directly~~ responsible in many health ... disease that forced the citizens/government to spent a huge amount of money. Second, the undeniable improvement in technology (industrialization) which leads to intensify~~ing~~ ... Some example is the over use of ... over-exploitation of natural resources that leads to ...  
  
The future advance genetic engineering that can genetically modify the plants and the animals and scientists who are able to teach the machines to find relation ... cases are just some of the advantages that people look forward to as this will benefit them a lot. Genetic Engineering will generate more income to people while the machines can ensure the safety of food for people intake.  
  
In conclusion, whenever a new technology develops there is an expected problem~~s~~ that follows. Every technology has its own advantages and disadvantages that we need to thoroughly check.
## Ielts writing task 1 bar charts - weight ASSESSMENT

  
  
The charts summarise the weight measurements of people living in Charlestown in 1955 and 2015.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.  
  
The two bar charts compare four levels of residents' weights in Charlestown by percentage with five different age brackets in two selected years, namely 1955 and 2015.  
  
Overall, the weights of people who lived in this city had a considerable change over 60 years. Most citizens in Charlestown had an ideal weight in 1955 whereas obese inhabitants have increased after 60 years.  
  
As seen in the chart of 1955, ideal weight had a lion's share in five age ranges by approximately 70 %. Similarly, in some age brackets, there are over 50% of citizens were under the standard line, compared to people's weights which were over the standard varying from 20 to 69 years old, never surpassing 20 %. Only a few adults and the elderly, below 10 %, had the obesity.  
  
Across a 60 year-period, the obese problem became severe through the age. The figure gradually increased from age range between 20 to 29 years old and peaked at 50 % with older people. At the same time, people with standard weight relatively decreased, while only young adults remained the same. Also, the figure of residents who were too thin shrank over 30 % in almost all ages.  
  
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## money spent on computers, books, cars, perfumes and cameras

  
  
**The bar chart below shows the expenditure that people in two different countries spent on consumer goods in 2010.  
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.  
Write at least 150 words.**  
  
The bar chart compares the amount of money (in pounds) spent on five different consumer goods by the residents of France and United Kingdom in the year 2010.  
  
Overall, UK people spend more money on consumer goods compared to French people in the period given. The greatest amount of money was spent on cars in both countries, whereas perfume and cameras were two commodities that UK and French citizens spent the least amount of money respectively.  
  
With regard to cars, UK people spent a total amount of 450000 pounds opposing to the French spending 400000 pounds. Likewise, the expenditure on cameras in the UK was approximately 350000 pounds, over double that of France, which was only 150000 pounds. The British expenditure on books was also superior to the French ( 400000 pounds and 300000 pounds respectively ).  
  
In contrast, the amount of money paid out on remaining consumer goods in France was higher. Above 350000 pounds was spent on computers by French people, exceeding the British who spent exactly 350000 pounds. France went to the expense of perfume with 200000 pounds while this product accounted for nearly 150000 pounds in the UK.  
  
Please help me with my essay. I really appreciate your help !  
  
*
## using smartphones in the public areas

  
  
*Topic: Your town council is thinking about banning the use of mobile phones on public transport and in shops and restaurants.  
  
Write a letter to the town council giving your opinion about this and why you think it is or is not a good idea.*  
  
With the development of technology, people tend to equip mobile phones as necessities in daily life. But plenty of news and reports prove phones are distracting users from study, work and even communication. In reality, my city council also discusses about banning the use of phones in public places. However, I disagree with that suggestion because phones bring many considerable benefits for our users.  
  
When more employees are working away from home, phone is the most convenient device contacting other members. Mobile phone helps users communicate and share experience without the limitation of position or time. Because of its function, users are able to make a call and share feeling with members in reality. For example, users might share their life experience like public transport, shop and restaurant. If a person is depressed or stressed, calling parents is a good solution to express what you have encountered. Otherwise, if there are emergency problems such as accident or rob, calling the ones solving your trouble immediately.  
  
The phone is also satisfactory for people enjoying their spare time discovering new platform. Instead of sitting on a bus without doing anything, users might have selections to entertain such as listening to music, playing games or watching videos. Meanwhile, other users could read online books and news as quick as possible.  
  
Mobile phones has various functions that we can take benefit. Not only do we demonstrate ourselves online but also share memories from the past. User can also explain the situations they encounter. Finally, it is a useful tool to entertain in free time.
The opening, structure and conlusion of your essay is good, But there are mistakes in grammar and sentence formations. I`ve modified few sentences without changing the meaning.  
  
I suggest you to use Grammarly tool(can be added as a Google chrome extensions) which will help you with grammar when writing essays.  
  
With ~~the development of technology~~ advances in hardware and wireless communication technology, mobile phones usage has grown rapidly in recent years. ~~But plenty of news and reports~~ But with increased usage, we also see numerous reports and articles proving phones to be distracting and intrusive in our daily activities. ~~In reality, my city ...~~ However, I disagree with ~~that~~  the city council plan to ban the usage of phones in public areas ~~suggestion~~ because phones can be useful and bring many considerable benefits for ~~our~~ users.  
  
~~When more employees are ...~~.With increasing number of employees working from home these days, phone is the most convenient tool to contact their colleagues. Mobile phone helps ~~users~~ people communicate and share their experiences without the limitation of position or time. ~~Because of its function,...~~ Users can call their family members and share their feeling with them ay any time. For example, they ... experience ~~like~~  in public transport, ... If a person ... Also, if there are emergency problems ... or ~~rob~~ robbery, ...  
  
~~The phone is also satisfactory for~~ Mobile phones are also serve people ~~enjoying~~  by allowing them to spend their spare time ~~discovering new platform~~. ~~Instead of~~ While sitting on ..., users ~~might have ... such as~~ can entertain themselves by listening to music, playing games or watching videos after a tiring day form work. ~~Meanwhile~~ In addition, ~~other users could~~ they can read online books and catch the news they might have missed .  
  
Mobile ... Not only ~~do~~  we demonstrate ... Users can also ~~explain the ... encounter~~ articulate their situations or problems better and get the required help quickly. Finally, it ~~is a~~ not only is a ~~useful~~ tool to entertain us but also a medium to contact others in hours of need.