dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
I actually just have some feedbacks to your writing.  
- Introduction paragraph: + " better" should go after "it", I suppose.  
+ Indeed, you should develop your introduction paragraph more because it's so short and not attractive at all.  
- The first paragraph: +" should" will be placed after " parents"  
+ There is no "the" before "temperature"  
+ I think that "secondly" should be " on the other hand" because you use " one the one hand" before.  
- The second paragraph: + "For example, in Viet Nam... on Facebook." needs to be cut down because it's so long. After "or", it must be a noun or noun phrase.  
  
+ Is " so expensive is parenting preparation that" in a correct structure? I'm actually not sure, so you should check it again.  
- The conclusion should be cut down due to its length.  
I hope that it partly supports your writing. For me, you need to practice more if you set a high score in IELTS.
## Government should spend money on railways rather than roads

  
***To what extent do you agree or disagree?***  
  
This is my first post on the forum. I am looking forward to your comment. Thank you for your time.  
  
In my opinion, the government should implement more resources to construct traffic facilities rather than traffic roads. The benefit of implementing railway traffic not only solve the traffic congestion problem but also improve the environment.  
  
It is an inevitable fact that railway transportation system would shorten the traveling time of the commuters and help to resolve the traffic congestion problem. The traffic congestion problem is a very common phenomenon in different cities especially during the period of citizens traveling to work and students goes to school.  
  
Another benefit of railway transportation is that it will relive the pollution problem. As the air quality will be seriously affected by road traffic. Many cars especially diesel vehicles on the road will definitely soar the level of carbon emission and emerge air pollution issue. In the long run, it would seriously emerge physical health problem such as chronic respiratory diseases, high blood pressure and asthma etc. Railway transportation will certainly improve air pollution problem.  
  
In consideration of railway transportation will improve traffic congestion and air pollution problem. The environment of the city would improve as well. The government is suggested to implement more facilities of railway transportation.
@htc  
Hello. Good to see you around! I'll provide you with writing feedback on this essay to help you. If you find this helpful, you can always come back!  
  
Firstly, I find that the first paragraph's last lines need to be revised. You had quite a messy structure here, making your thoughts difficult to comprehend for readers. Try to divide your thoughts into smaller lines instead of chunking everything into one piece.  
  
Furthermore, I find that the lack of examples throughout your essay to be unsuitable for this type of content. Because you're working with thoughts that are ingrained in reality, it would help readers to visualize what precisely would assist them in the future. Once you do this, you'll be able to have a more fruitful output for your work.
## Toefl Writing - Neighbors

  
  
Neighbors are the people who live near us. In your opinion, what are the qualities of a good neighbor? Use specific details and examples in your answer.  
  
It is disputable what the qualities of a good neighbor they are. Depending on one's background and personal experiences, one's perspective on this issue can significantly differ. That being said, in my opinion, I advocate that being considerate and keeping community rule are the requisites of a good neighbor.  
  
To begin with, it is important for neighbors to be considerate of their neighbors. To be specific, a person who consider how one's action affect others is a good neighbor. For example, my personal experience can be used to validate the claim above. A few months ago, my neighbor who lives the upstairs visited my house to ask for permission to use the washing machine at 11 pm on the day. I didn't mind it because I had to do my homework till late at night but I was appreciated for him to seek permission before doing that. As a result, I think considerate person is a good neighbor.  
  
Furthermore, keeping community rule is also essential requirement for good neighbor. In particular, A person who follows the rules well do not make his neighbors uncomfortable. Take my own experience, for instance. In my community, the day when throwing away the food trash is fixed but last summer, a person often throws away the food trash irregularly and the trash which is not picked up for long time smelled bad. Consequently, following the rule is very critical for a good neighbor.  
  
In conclusion, I am highly convinced that being thoughtful and keeping the rules are the important qualities of a good neighbor for the two crucial reasons mentioned above.  
  
please help my toefl writing,,,
@pitheson  
Hello there. Seeing as you are new here, welcome to the forum! I hope you find this feedback beneficial for your learning endeavors.  
  
To begin with, I think that the introductory portions of your text can still be improved. If you try to not overexplain, you'll be able to curate shorter and yet more meaningful content because you'll be able to focus on what's essential for your text.  
  
While having transition words are alright, try your best to not saturate your content too much with them. For instance, in your second paragraph's second line, you could have opted to remove the words "to be specific" to assist in ensuring that you deliver in a straightforward manner.  
  
Be cautious of the structure as well of your sentences. Note that you need to incorporate appropriate punctuation to create dynamic pauses.
*Topic: Individuals can do nothing to improve environment, only governments and large companies can make a difference.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?*  
  
## who Can Help the most to Save the Environment?

  
  
It is a quite popular belief that the environmental problem can only be tackled by big organizations like authorities and giant corporations. In my view, I totally oppose this statement as every single person must have the responsibility to protect the earth - our mutual home.  
  
I cannot deny that the governments and large businesses play an important role in the process of preserving the environment. In terms of administration, they can enforce some principles and prohibitions to prevent pessimistic human activities which are considered to be a burden to the natural surroundings. Regarding giant companies, they should do more research to manufacture environmentally-friendly products with recycled covers such as fabric, glass, instead of using plastic bag. In addition, they should make a change in reducing the exhausted fume they have released to the atmosphere. To take Singapore as an example, recognized as the cleanest city in the planet, whose governments has executed the laws to ban and punish any wrongdoings that have a bad impact on environment. It is obvious that governments and big corporations have their own duties to save the world surroundings from harm.  
  
Human activities are the main cause of the depression of the environment and also the key factor to solve this problem. Everybody has to have a proper understanding of how their negative activities affect their surroundings, then, focus their good effort in taking some actions for the better world. For instance, with their certain cognition, the people can classify their household waste which can help to reduce some stages in disposal process. Moreover, it is better to commute by public transport than the private one because it can lead to the decline of toxic air that the earth has to shoulder.  
  
To sum up, both authorities, large companies and civilians have the outstanding contribution to the business of preserving the environment. Personally, the close association between those organisations and the citizens is the best measure to address this worldwide problem effectively.  
  
Please give me your feedback and the band score you think I deserve. Thanks.
Well, it's well written but I think I'll challenge your topic by saying that individuals have a vital role to play in saving the environment.  
  
In Nigeria, individuals are working on evaluation of biogas production potential of animal wastes and other forms of wastes which will help reduce environmental pollutions like the release of anthropogenic substances by oil, chemical, agricultural and gas industries, and also assist in agricultural development through crop yield by the use of nutrient-rich digestate from the wastes.  
  
Your write-up is nice but I think you should not channel your idea to a particular set of people.
## Goods transported in the UK

  
  
The graph below shows the quantities of goods transported in the UK between 1974 and 2002 by four different modes of transport.  
  
The graph displays a million tonnes of transported by road, water, rail, and pipeline in the given country from 1974 to 2002.  
  
The quantity of both road and pipeline showed an upward trend throughout this period. The amount of transported by pipeline generally climb from 5 to 20 million tonnes. Following a similar trend, despite a few drops, road transported soar to the peak of 100 million tonnes in 2002.  
  
In contrast, the amount of transport by water and rail had the opposite trend at the beginning. Interestingly, it both starts at 40 million tonnes, but people eventually used 65 million tonnes times of water in 2002. At last, the quantity of transported by rail end with the same point in the given year.  
  
In sum, transported by road, water, and pipeline ballon, whereas the quantity of rail remained during the given period.  
  
*
Hi, Firstly, you should ensure that your essay is enough required words. (at least 150 words)  
  
1. The graph displays a million tonnes of ... -> Red is not right, it is a unit. my idea: the number of products transported by four means such as: road, water, rail and pipeline.  
  
2. The quantity of both road and pipeline -> the quantity of goods or the quantity of road and pipeline? My idea: The quantity of goods using road and pipeline methods  
  
3. The amount of transported by pipeline generally ???? For me, it is no meaning. Grammatical error: the amount of is used for uncountable noun. Goods is plural noun  
  
If I am wrong, pleaase give me a feedback, I am glad and pleasure to know that. Sharing knowledge together.  
  
Thanks
*(Please provide feedback on coherence and cohesiveness, thanks)*  
  
**Economic progress is one way to measure the success of one country, while some people think there are other factors. What other factors should be considered? Within these factors, do you think anyone is more important than the others?**  
  
## health, education and happiness

  
  
Definitely, country's development cannot be defined only in terms of economic progress only, there are many other criteria to it; deemed important. Some of them are health, education and happiness to name few, among these, I think happiness is the essential element when it comes to considering a prosperous country.  
  
Along with the economic indicator of development, let's look at other factors which should be noted. One of the criteria is the health of the people, this is measured by life expectancy, mortality and morbidity rates. If the health status of citizens are poor than it means that people have lower standard of living. In order to be considered a better country, its country people needs to have sound health with less risk of diseases or guaranteed health service provision.  
  
Education is another factor that determine the success of country. South Korea, for example, invested heavily on improving their education system where everyone joined schools. Resultantly, it produced highly creative intellectuals that created multinational tech-company Samsumg, worth billions.  
  
Finally, happiness is the most important feature of a high achieving country. In fact, Gross happiness index has already been considered as one of the measure of a prosperous country. To explain it more, when people receive satisfaction from either their achievement or whatever they have in their present leads to less stressful life. This, in turn, makes the society more peaceful without any unnecessary conflicts. Furthermore, state of happiness is the ultimate objective of any social, political or economic motive in life. Thus, no matter how affluent a country could be, if its citizens are not happy then it cannot it be a good country.  
  
In conclusion, health, education and happiness are also important measures in considering successful countries. However, in my personal opinion, happiness is the most vital one as it is the ultimate goal of every development activity, which, when unmet does not fulfill the criteria of developed country.
@qromj19  
Hello there,  
Here are my suggestions for you:  
  
1. "Some of them are health, education and..."  
In this sentence, there are two subjects and verbs without conjunction. It would be better to put it like this  
"To name a few, some of them are health, education and happiness. Among these, I think happiness is the most essential element when it comes to a prosperous country."  
  
2. In the first paragraph, you mentioned that there are three important factor: health, education, and happiness. But you added that "among these, I think happiness is ..." Following this paragraph, you go back to explain the point about health and education, which makes me a little bit confused. Perhaps you can tell more about happiness in the second paragraph. Then follow it with health and education.  
  
Good luck.
## Problems in the education system

  
  
In today's world, the issue of appropriately educational system is still under debate. In some countries, a comprehensive education is students' major in secondary school. However, in others, schools offer a certain range of subjects relevant to their professional pathways. Both systems have their own validity and from my perspective, they are dependent on people's choice and ability.  
  
On the one hand, students who study comprehensively have wider opportunities in their career paths. To be more specific, well-rounded education equips with multiple skills and intelligences so that their problem-solving skill and critical thinking which are vital can be promoted tremendously. Therefore, these people can be eligible for various domains based on their theoretical background. For instance, those who learn a broad range of subjects can work in different fields such as writer, businessman..., rather than those who specialize in one domain.  
  
Moreover, because the system is standardized, tests and other assessments are inherent to ensure equality and consistency. For this reason, people can indicate the proficiency and achievement of a student.  
  
On the other hand, acquiring knowledge from certain range of subjects can be advantageous for the following reason. Obviously, skills from restricted subjects are the solid foundation of future studies. Thus, if students devote effort to concentrating on their major, they can enrich in-depth knowledge in their area of specialization. As a result, they are likely to reach expert-level performance, as well as get a promotion in that field of study. Additionally, students tend to boost their productivity and persistence when committing to learning their specialized subjects. These are strong motivation for children for the sake of profession  
  
In conclusion educational system plays a pivotal role in modern society. Hence, people should consider the most suitable system and then make endeavors to succeed in that system.
## the big impact of internet on our world

  
  
It is true that as the result of the proliferation of the technology, internet has recently gained in popularity and gradually become an indipensable  
part of people's daily lives. This essay is constructed to highlight both positive ramifications and demerits of this tendency. On the one hand, internet may bring a plethora of merits to its users. It is readily apparent that the omnipresence of social media enable people to interact with others regardless of geographical distances. As an illustration, it is now uncomplicated to connect with other users thoughout the world just by internet accessible devices. Besides, internet can significantly contribute to the growth of the world's economy by means of boosting online business. Without the internet usage, the influx of commodities might be slowed down and slightly resulted in other industries including importation and exportation.  
  
On the other hand, internet may also trigger several repercussions. Firstly, it is clear that internet users can be bombarded with a various number of advertisements. Google, for instance, allows other brands and companies to advert their products via youtube videos or in the blankspace of some websites and this could lead to the dissatisfaction in the users' experiences. Internet can also be the culprit of the deterioration of people's health as it can cause some vision-related health risks. People espeacially adolescents can unintentionally immerse themselves in entertaining factors such as youtube and online games; consequently, they may cope with various health issues and can also have poor academic performance.  
  
In conclusion, while internet can play an fundamental role in users' daily lives and world's economy, it can also be detrimental to some extent due  
  
to the analysis above
***The graph below shows  
## the percentage of Australian exports to 4 countries from 1990 to 2012**.*  
The graph gives information about the figure for Australian exportation in 4 countries, namely Japan, the US, China and India over a period of 22 years.  
  
Overall, it can be seen from the graph that the proportion of exports to Japan and the US significantly dropped, whereas that of China and India increased considerably. In addition, the country which reached the highest percentage of exports at the end of the period was Japan.  
  
In 1990, the percentage of exports to Japan and the US was 20% and 9% respectively. Besides, the proportion of exports to India was 1%, which was lower than that of China, at 2.5%. Over the next 5 years, the proportion of exports to both Japan and the US considerably decreased to 20% and 9% respectively. While exports to India remained stable at 1% and the figure for China had a slight rise of 3% in 1995.  
  
In 2012, there was a gradual fluctuation in the percentage of exports to the US, which stood at 7% at the end of the period. At the same time, the figure for Japan steadily went down of 17%. By contrast, exports to Japan rapidly increased by 1% to 6%. But the most enormous change, however, was the percentage of exports to Japan which reached a peak of 30% in 2012.  
  
*
@ngotrancamtu  
**There are some things I show you below, please give a feedback to me if you think I were wrong.**  
  
... and the US **dropped significantly** (*more popular*), whereas ...  
  
In 1990, the percentage**s** of exports ... US ~~was~~ **were** 20% ...  
... remained stable at 1%**,** ~~and~~ the figure ...  
  
~~In~~ **From 2000 to** 2012, ...  
~~But~~ the most enormous ...
## Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past

  
  
In recent years, we see an increasing number of reports saying that more and more children no longer have creative thinking. They become less interested in amazing science atmospheres or less likely to have fun by themselves. Some people hold the opinion that the degradation is due to the development of technology, which I totally agree with .  
  
One of the most obvious situations is that, nowadays, fewer children prefer to hang out with their companions to have fun, but they would rather stay at home to play computer games or watch television. As it is widely accepted that outdoor activities are beneficial to human beings for both mental and physical health, the loss of activities might lead to the weakness of children's bodies and psychology. What is more, when playing outside, children can explore the wild by themselves, such as using stones and wood to make something look like a house, or capturing insects they have never seen before, which contributes to the mental development of children as well as helping them form some kind of ability to be creative.  
  
The decrease in creativity can also be found in class. In class, thanks to the development of technology, children have a cellphone or a laptop with them, thus they can search for everything they need online. As a result, sometimes when asked to give some novel ideas, a large number of children are prone to use the Internet to seek answers instead of coming up with the idea by themselves. At this point, technology also damages children's ability to be creative.  
  
Last but not least, besides the restrictions brought by technology, there are a horrible number of defective influences which also play an important role in children's creativity. For instance, children are supposed to cheat if they have the access to certain kinds of technological devices. For example, cheating devices can do harm to children's ability to solve problems on their own. Consequently, we will see our children lack creative thinking.  
  
All in all, I think technology should account for today's children's less creative behaviors.
introduction:  
  
this sentence seems to be unhelpful and does not help increase your score.  
"They become less interested in amazing science atmospheres or less likely to have fun by themselves."  
  
degradation is not an appropriate word in this context, it is advisable to replace it with being less imaginative, unoriginal, or innovative.  
  
although the main question/s of the topic is/are not unknown, it seems that your paragraph 3 is irrelevant or off-topic.  
  
in addition, the conclusion is not written very well and could not be considered as a good one.
## max celsius degrees in four countries

  
  
*The line graph below shows the average daily maximum temperatures for Auckland and Christchurch, two cities in New Zealand, and London and Edinburgh, two cities in United Kingdom.  
  
Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.*  
  
The diagram compare the average highest temperature of 2 cities in New Zealand, and 2 cities in United Kingdom(UK) the months of the year.  
  
From the line graph, it is clear that, the temperature in New Zealand and UK are contradictory. In the coolest period of time, UK is colder than New Zealand, whereas New Zealand is warmer than UK in the hottest period of time.  
  
The difference between the temperature 2 cities in New Zealand: Auckland and Christchurch are not too much, the maximum difference is around 5 degree in july. London and Edinburgh in UK also same like that, the disparity occur highest in July and 5 degree different. During december to march in New Zealand is the hottest time in year, the temperature is from 21 to 25 celsius, while at that time in UK is the winter season, the maximum temperature is 10 celsius. From April to August New Zealand become colder but the coldest time in July is just 15 degree in Auckland and 10 degree in Christchurch not too cold compare to the lowest temperature in London 6 degree. In the period New Zealand become colder, is the rising temperature time in year in England, the temperature increase from 10 degree and reach the top at 22.5 degree in London, lower than the hottest temperature in New Zealand.  
  
*