dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hello! Please help me to improve my writing skills thanks!  
  
## IELTS TASK2 - Environmental problems

  
  
Some people think environmental problems are too big for individuals to solve. Others, however, think that those problems can not be solved unless individuals take some action. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.  
  
ESSAY  
  
Environmental issues have always been a controversy among the world. It is argued that these problems are so complex that individuals couldn't handle it. While some think that as long as people take actions, environmental problems could be solved. The two statements will be discussed in the essay below and person opinion will be given as well.  
  
Environmental problems such as global warming have been commonly regarded as a complicated issue for its wide range of aspects involved. It could be a discussion about science, pollution, animal extinction, and even human lifestyles. To provide a complete solution, government policies and professions from different fields are necessary, which is also the reason why there are multiple statements for a particular environmental problem. Most people do not have the professional knowledge to discuss certain issues deeply.  
  
Some argue that there are still things for individuals could do to solve environmental problems because the main reason for these problems is usually human. As long as people change their attitude to our mother earth, take actions to protect our home, problems may gradually retard. For instance, travel by public transportation instead of a private vehicle. Little changes by people may accumulate and heal the earth.  
  
In my opinion, I support the statement about the necessity for humans taking actions to prevent environmental problems. Not only can we change our lifestyles by doing recycles but also by attending volunteers to clean beaches. To know more about environmental issues, individuals could learn related knowledge through the internet and discuss with others. By exchanging opinions, it may gain much more attention to these significant problems.  
  
To sum up, professions and government policy are required for a complete solution to environmental problems. However, it is also vital for individuals to pay close attention and take specific actions to benefit the environment. After all, a healthy and long lasting mother earth is a responsibility for all humans.
Hello,  
Based on my perspective, I think there are some improvements that you should do  
  
1. couldn't handle it = could not. In the academic writing style, avoid using contractions but that is good in the speaking part.  
2. I think it is better in your thesis statement to mention your ideas or the reasons why those arguments exist rather than writing "The two statements will be discussed in the essay below and person (Personal) opinion will be given as well." that sentence not give any additional information or value. for example, some people believe that environmental problems have been becoming complex issues which only could be solved by approaching multi-disciplinary skills while others argue that every action from each individual matters to make a change.  
  
3. Person opinion is not appropriate = personal opinion  
4. The main reason for these problems is usually human = the main reason for these problems usually comes from human activities.  
5. "As long as people change their attitude to our mother earth, take actions to protect our home, problems may gradually retard", I think the coherence will be better if you write " If people are aware of the importance of keeping the Earth, those issues may be reduced significantly.  
  
Overall, I think you should improve your thesis statement and the coherence of the sentence and paragraph as well as the conclusion which was not delivered well.
Ronia, aside from the missing ownership reference for the first reasoning paragraph, I would have to say that you actually exceeded my expectations this time around. You clearly showed an understanding of the prompt and explained it in a manner that is understandable to most native English speakers in your opening paraphrase. Your reference to the restated discussion instruction was clear and helped to outline the discussion process that was to follow in the reasoning paragraphs. Excellent work.  
  
Good job with showing ownership of the discussion in the second paragraph. You allowed the reader to know that this was based on the second point of view reference in the original prompt, which helped to create a cohesive and clarified discussion in the presentation. The same goes for your opinion statement. Your reasoning was acceptable and actually doable in terms of application in real life.  
  
I would say that although your presentation could have been more complex and expanded to help with the coherence and cohesiveness of your presentation, your task accuracy was a bullseye, your grammar use was acceptable along with your vocabulary, you should only consider this the first step towards your writing skills improvement. I would like to see you keep up and improve your skills with your forthcoming essays. This time, I want you to practice using transition sentences at the end of every reasoning paragraph to help introduce the next discussion topic with more clarity. The aim is to further improve your GRA as well as C&C scoring potential.
## School Spending

  
  
**Answer:**  
The three pie charts illustrate how different a specific United Kingdom school spent annually percentagewise in the years 1981,1991 and 2001.  
  
Looking at the chart, it is clearly obvious that the income of teachers was the largest segment in school spending, while ensurance contributed the least to the school expenditure during that period.  
  
Teacher's income, which registered the most - 40% of the UK school expenditure in 1981, rose dramatically to a half in 1991 and then had a slight decrease by 5% in 2001. In comparison, the insurance, which made the lowest contribution all over the course, went up minimally from 2% to 3% in 1991, before experienced a noticeable grow to 8% in 2001.  
  
Other worker's income accounted for 28% of spending in 1981. Following this, worker's income fell during the 21-year course markedly to 22% in 1991 and significantly by 13% in 2001. Facilities and resources such as books expenditures were both initially at 15% in 1981. Then in 1991, facilities spending slumped rapidly by one tenth, but it made a more than fourfold increase of the proportion to 23% in 2001. In contrast, resources increased moderately by 10% after 10 years before experienced a significant drop to 9%.  
  
*   
*Ielts writing task 1*
Kim, this is one of the better analyzed pie charts that I have seen presented at this forum. Your summary overview, where most students leave out information is, I am happy to say, complete and so is the rest of the essay based on summary requirements all the way to the trending statement. Good job!  
  
With regards to your sentence structure though, paragraph 3 is composed of run-on sentences. Try to present each bit of information as a separate sentence instead of an additional analysis presentation in one sentence. That way you create more complex sentences and keep the focus of the paragraph on easy to follow information presentations. Remember, the assumption is that the reader does not have access to the chart so the clearer you can make your information presentation per sentence, per paragraph, the better for your score.  
  
Another piece of advice, since the essay is using actual percentage measurements, please refrain from using estimated references such as "to a half" because such statements tend to confuse the reader who, as I said, hasn't seen the pie chart. So no guesswork please. Just pure and accurate data presentation from the pie chart. Remember, you are being scored on coherence and cohesiveness, which is based on the accuracy of the data presented.
## knowledge of a local language by a foreigner

  
  
**Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious problem,as well as practical problems.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Some people think that when people have to speak a foreign language in a country they live can cause serious social and practical problems. Although I agree that non-native speaker might produce some problem in society and practical area, I do not think it will be developed into a serious position.  
  
Language is a complex culture. It contents policy, history and traditional culture, which is the limitation for non-native speakers to understand appropriately. For most of the people, speaking a foreign language in their country can cause some social problem. Firstly, they may not have a close relationship with others. Since they are not familiar with the using way of grammar and vocabulary. they may use it in a wrong way and lead to some communication problem when having a conversation with others. In addition, as to the practical problem. It might be hard for the non-native speaker to find a knowledge-based job in the foreign country because of their weakness in language skill if the non-native speaker uses a foreign language to discuss contracts and other financial matters with local company staff. It will have a bad effect on company benefit due to their lack of fluent language skills.  
  
On the other hand, some practical and society problem caused by the non-native speaker may not be serious. Generally, natives are kind and friendly, they are willing to understand the mistake that made in-deliberately by non-native speakers, they also will tell the foreigners how to use it in the right way, which helps the non-native speaker to learn this language better. Besides, the local government will also provide opportunities with the non-native speaker to find some physical job like waiters and cleaners so that those people can earn money by themselves. Therefore, the problem will not be getting worse.  
  
In conclusion, while I agree there are some problems existing due to non-native speakers are unfamiliar with the local language, I do not think it will develop into a serious position with the polite communication between natives and non-native speakers and support from the authority.
In my opinion, there are some improvement that you should do :  
1. I think you should improve to use complex or compound sentence. it can be seen in this sentence " Firstly, they may not have a close relationship with others. Since they are not familiar with the using way of grammar and vocabulary. they may use it in a wrong way and lead to some communication problem when having a conversation with others." it will be better if you combined the sentence by using complex or compound sentence.  
  
2. This essay may need improvements in the coherence from sentence to sentence.
Dingyu, , this is a single opinion measured response essay. That means, the "extent" part of the question requires you to respond to a certain degree. That is the main reason why this is an essay that cannot be discussed as a two point of view essay. While it is possible to discuss this as a dual point of view presentation, you will score higher when you respond using only one fully developed reasoning. The way you can show your measured response is by saying, in the instructions paraphrase:  
  
I very much agree/disagree with the provided statement based on several reasons  
I strongly support / do not support the given opinion due to a number of considerations  
I tentatively agree/disagree  
I partially agree / disagree  
  
Those are just a few examples of how this type of essay question is to be responded to.  
  
Now, I have to tell you that your first and second paragraphs are highly confusing and is definitely incoherent in presentation. Your sentence structures are problematic in the sense that there is no clear representation of the thought process involved in the writing. Your vocabulary is incorrect most of the time as evidenced by:  
  
It contents policy = It contains policy...  
  
Speaking a foreign language in their country = Speaking a foreign language in a strange country  
  
Then there is the subject reference problem in this part:  
  
In addition, as to the practical problem. (What?)  
  
Your approach to the total discussion is incorrect. It would be best if you familiarize yourself with the discussion types for the Task 2 essay and also, learn how to discuss similar topics just in case. Click on the similar discussion button to access posts of a similar type to help you better prepare for these types of discussions.  
  
Try to do more sentence structure exercises and also, develop your English vocabulary. I do not mean just learn more English words but learn more English words along with its meaning so that you can use it properly in a sentence when you write your essays. As you can see from several errors listed above, this is a major problem or concern when it comes to your writing.
Hello, please give me some advice and help me with improving my writing skills, thanks a lot!!  
  
## Fast aging population

  
  
The line chart below shows the percentage of population aged under 5 years old and aged 65 years old or above in the world since 1940 with projections until 2040.  
  
ESSAY  
  
The given line chart illustrates the increasing population aged 65 years old or above and aged under 5 years old in three countries between 1940 and 2040.  
  
Generally, the population of the USA, Sweden, and Japan all boost from 5-10% in 1940 to 20-30% in 2040. We can see a significant change in the ranking for the percentage of these three countries.  
  
As observed, the USA is in the first place of the population of children and elderlies at the percentage around 10% while Sweden and Japan ran the next two place in roughly 7% and 5%. On contrary, there's a large change of population in 2040 with the highest percentage of the population which is approximately 27% in Japan. The percentage in the USA turns out to be the least at about 23%, and the population in Sweden is slightly higher at 25%.  
  
Obviously, these three countries have different increasing extent from 1940-2040. There was little variation of the population between 0-5% from 1940 to 2000 in Japan and meets a huge boost at 2030 respectively. For the USA, the percentage remains from 1980 to 2020 at 15%, then increases gradually in the next two decades until 2040. Apart from the other two countries, Sweden has a stable extension of the population as a step-growth from 1940 to 2040.  
  
*
Ronia, when you write the task 1 essay, make sure that your overview summary contains complete summarized information. In this instance, you should not have included the names of the countries in the trending statement. It should have been introduced with the type of graph, purpose of the graph, measurement type, years indicated, and the discussion instruction.  
  
It also appears that you are not yet familiar enough with the types of tense usage in the written form. This essay goes from past to present tense, based upon the information from the graph. Any information presented from the year 2020 and above should be in future form while information from 1940 to 2000 must be presented in past tense. It is easy to remember, anything that has yet to take place uses the future tense, anything that has already happened takes the past presentation form.  
  
Forgetting these errors in your presentation, it is safe to say that you at least showed an understanding of the image you were provided with. However, your discussion could have been improved if you had remembered to specifically discuss the overlapping points in the graph that represent a period when the same data will be collected for at least 2 of the 3 countries. The often occurred in the graph and would have made for excellent comparison point discussions if you had remembered to do that based on the given instruction.
## People naturally resist making changes in their lives.

  
**What kind of problem can this cause? What solutions can you suggest?**  
  
Answer :  
Many people in the world keep unchanged routines naturally the way they run their life. This resistance could make people unable to enhance their knowledge or skills, so educating a growth mindset for the young generation and showing some inspiring people could be two viable solutions to address this issue properly.  
  
The main problem that comes up if people resist changing their life behaviours is they could not develop their skills or knowledge to be more advanced. It is because their mind tends to lead for refusing any developing activities which bring them out from their comfort zone. This phenomenon could be seen in Papua, a well-known undeveloped region in Indonesia. Many of the local are not interest in education because they may still be comfortable to stay at home rather than get some study that makes them stress. As a result, they could not significantly widen their horizon, compared to those living in the other regions.  
  
To solve that problem, the government should educate the young generations about a growth mindset through formal education because if they can be an open-minded people in the educational environment, they can be easier to observe their lessons. This solution has been implemented by AIESEC, a worldwide organization which concerns to enable leadership potential of the young people, and most the alumni are likely to have multi-discipline skills. To maximize the result, showcase inspiring people who always take challenges in their life might be able to trigger themselves to be growth-minded people.  
  
To sum up, the government should restate the curriculum to ensure the next generation has a growth mindset as well as spreading inspiring story through some talk shows to prevent close mindset thinking.
## cycling is getting less and less popular

  
  
As the world is becoming more and more modern, a lot of kind of transportations occur with high technology. This trend leads to a problem: the disappearance of bicycles. This essay will analyze the trend and some useful solutions to bring bikes back to modern life.  
  
The vanishment of bicycles is caused by the appearance of handy vehicles. Some means of transportations have advanced technology such as cars, high-speed train, and planes. These transportations are up-to-date and make the moving time between two places shorter because of its speed. For example, a journey by car only takes six hours from Hanoi, the capital of Vietnam, to Thanh Hoa, a province lies in the middle of Vietnam while using bicycle spends nearly five days. The unpopularity of cycles is also a result of the changes in people's attitude. People want to be trendy so that they buy state-of-art vehicles and learn to use those. Additionally, these new transportations make the human feel like they are wealthy when cycles could not show this. For instance, cars from the popular brand name like Suzuki, Lamborghini,... can be sold even though they have nothing special but theirs appear. With the dramatic development of transportation, cycles are getting less popular although they are amicable to the environment.  
  
However, there are still some helpful solutions to tackle this problem. Local authorities must release a law or set a fixed time per day when people will not allow to use cars in cities. Giving high tax to people who buy cars, motorbikes are also a suitable solution. Otherwise, bicycles must be invested in and developed to become handier for people.  
  
To sum up, cycling is getting less and less popular because of the vanishment of convenient vehicles and to deal with this issue, bicycles need to be developed while government must encourage people to use bikes instead of other means of transportations.
## smoking should be banned

  
  
*Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned*  
  
Hi All,  
This is the first time i try to post my practice in writing task 2. i am pleasure to receive your feedback. Thanks  
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There are a great number of heated discussions over the issues of smoking prohibition in public areas. Many people strongly believe that its absolutely enormous merits. Because of many harms of smoking, I suppose our government to prevent smokers from smoking in public places.  
  
One of the most significant arguments for ban smoking in public areas is the avoiding of harm from smoking. Truly, smoking is injurious to health. When the smoker smoke cigarettes which release kinds of carbon and nicotine which cause damage to not only smokers but also non-smokers were affected by smoking and get diseases. Cancer is among of the most dangerous diseases. To illustrate that, my father was addicted in smoking. As a result, he got a cancer and passed away 10 years ago. Therefore, it is absolutely rational to ban smoking, namely, in such areas.  
  
Moreover, early of recognizing by government, smoking causes serious damage to community health and has some actions to discourage smoking such as setting up special places for smoking, increasing tax and putting cigarette in luxury goods. In many researches illustrated that these actions really useful to discourage people from smoking and reduce the number of people to smoke.  
  
By contrast, a few addicted smokers is feel disadvantage for moving. when they are working at office, they must move to smoking areas.  
  
In conclusion, it is clear that it should be made illegal to smoke in public places. Ban smoking in particular places is the most definitely a positive action. In my opinion, leading to safeguard the health and wealth of society.
I guess this is an agree and disagree questions and this is my suggestions:  
1. in the first paragraph, maybe you should put attention in the coherence of the sentence. First and second sentence may be better if those are combined to be one sentence. for example, many people believe hold a view that smoking in the public areas should be proscribed by the government in terms of the health hazards not only for the smoker but also people around them. I strongly agree with this statement because a cigarrete could trigger various diseases in many people whether they are active or passive smokers as well as influencing young generations to try it.  
  
2. Put your idea in the thesis statement which you will break down into Body 1 and Body 2. therefore, If the question is an agree disagree question, you should focus your idea why you agree or disagree or not putting solutions because the questions did not ask.  
  
3. most significant argument : i think it will be better if you change to be " The main argument or the convincing argument.  
  
4. Overall, you should improve the flow of your sentence more smoothly.