dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Children Learning a Foreign Language

  
  
Learning overseas language of children should start at primary school rather than secondary school. The opinion is revealed by some experts. Some people believe that it will be better, if they start it when they are younger since their brain in optimal working. However, others argue, learning too much language make children confused about their mother-tongue. This essay will first discuss how learning languages can be maximal in primary school, and then talk how it can make children muddled about their first language.  
  
The pupils in primary school who learn foreign languages, sometimes they are founded dazed about what languages that they should say when speak to other people because they learn more than one way to communicate. Taking a theory of children languages, stated that children who learn too many languages in too young age will possibly be hard to differentiate which one their mother language and the foreign.  
  
However, other merits follow this trend. Children will be easier for understanding the language since they start their learning from young age. Rose Mini, a children psychologist stated that a habit or activity that has started from children, harder to forget even they get older. It is proven that, learning language in primary school make it easier to understand and harder to forget. That is why, personally, I believe that even though it has a demerit, the merits still outweigh.  
  
To conclude, learning foreign language for children can be optimal in primary school, though it has possibility to make them bemused about their real language.
***Hi Aini**, please you meet my notes for finalizing this.  
Firstly, others can not give feedback totally because you did not include the statement or question entirely. In this moment, I am gonna offer suggestions based on what I got in your prompt. You have still made a few mistakes grammatically. For example, you could not distinguish when you use since/ because/ because of. It probably seemed like the minor error, but that can disrupt the original meaning of what you mind. Then, you should remove your last sentence in the first paragraph because it was a repetitive idea of two previous sentences. You would seem explaining that around the same topic and can reduce points at the lexical resource.  
  
Turning to the first body paragraph, there were many errors. You have to place a comma at "The pupils in primary school**,**who learn foreign languages" or replace the word "in primary school". I think what you write is not what you mind. After that, your flow is not good enough. Readers are gonna find a difficulty to understand your sentence. You can make a large number of the complex sentences, but you stay keeping the flow. Honestly, it seemed so messy. I only remind that your job in the writing task 2 is to communicate with others, not to press them so that you should display well. Following that, you have still fallen in misspelling. Please, you double check, so you do not lose the score because of a minor error.  
  
Hopefully, those can help you to improve your skill.  
GOOD LUCK*
Nuraini, the biggest problem of your essay is that you did not offer a proper paraphrasing of the prompt requirements, which would have helped us better review your essay in terms of its relevance to the topic. What you did was, you immediately launched into a discussion of the essay by offering pertinent information meant to open the discussion of the subject. The proper representation for the opening statement would have that of a paraphrasing of the topic plus instructions for the discussion and then the presentation of your line of reasoning in the second paragraph. It is because of this mistake that your concluding essay came up short and, along with the missing paraphrase and discussion outline at the beginning, that you would most likely not get a passing grade for this essay in the actual test. Remember the proper discussion format for an IELTS task 2 essay and always follow it. That is how you can increase your test scores.
Question: **Being a celebrity - such as famous film star or sports personality - brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?**  
  
## Celebrities have no privacy

  
  
Essay:  
  
Being widely acknowledged is a wonderful thing. Unfortunately, everything has it positive and negative aspects. However, I'm standing a strong believe that the disadvantages outweigh the benefits of being a well-known personality. Herein, I'm supporting my stand presenting how fame can cause disruptions.  
  
Being a celebrity is being considered equally to being riches which also mean more responsibilities. However, do not be effected, there is no easy money as celebrities are continuously loaded with contracts of endorsing, presentative shows, etc.. Consequently, having time for family and children is certainly decreased. Because of inherent disadvantages, sitting in the hall of fame doesn't seem as wonderful as it sounds.  
  
Furthermore, it's debatable that celebrities will be targeted wherever they go or even in daily basic activities. Celebrities magazine's reporters are in every corner, hungering for a moment of star's carelessness or lacking of self-conscious actions. Imagining waking up see your name under a highlighted title for a miss-behavior is, unfortunately, certainly repressing. Thus, celebrities have to watch every single move they make, concerning their idolatry is vulnerable.  
  
Despite numerous benefits of how celebrities gain, it is undeniable that your privacy is no longer belongs to you. Standing a high chance that scarifying some of your relations is most likely inevitable. I do strongly believe in a saying that "Do not judge a book by its cover", celebrities have to face a number of problems rather than enjoy the benefits it brings.
Xuan, the highest score you can get or this essay is a 5 due to a number of missteps on your part. The first mistake that you made, was using the opening statement to address your opinion rather than building a proper introduction for the essay topic in the mind of the reader. The proper opening statement should have merely represented the topic for discussion, the 2 sides to be discussed, and an indication (not a statement) that your opinion will be discussed in the succeeding paragraphs.  
  
Your opinion must never be discussed as a part of the opening statement because that is always expected to be a properly developed prompt discussion within one of the paragraph bodies. This is normally discussed in the 4th paragraph, leading into the 5th paragraph or concluding statement. In addition to that, the conclusion is also wrong because you presented a new idea, that you did not accurately develop, as part of your closing statement. That is not allowed in academic writing. The last paragraph is meant for a summation of the discussion and nothing more.  
  
There are also spelling errors in your essay that show a lack of English vocabulary skills. The word is not spelled miss-step but rather "misstep". If you see a red line under the word that you typed, that is a solid indicator that you have wrongly spelled the word. Since you are judge on vocabulary and spelling, you need to make sure that you avoid such mistakes.  
  
Due to these problems, there is no way that your essay, though properly argued, can score higher than the 5 that I indicated above.
***Hello Xuan**, I have read your essay. In my view, you need some improvements, especially the structure because you displayed your essay unsystematically.  
Xuan, when you wanna start writing an essay, please you paraphrase the statement to get an attention of an examiner. You need to develop your introduction through paraphrasing. Then, you should mention briefly what benefits and drawbacks of that matter so that readers that obtain general view what you would explain in the body paragraph if you wanna get a high score. For your grammar, avoid using a contraction in a formal writing.  
  
Turning to your body paragraph, you actually did not answer prompts given entirely. Its reason is because you tended to review about negative effects of being the celebrity although you have to explain both sides. As we know, you wanna argue that being the celebrity bring more the benefits, but you are supposed to include its drawbacks. Honestly, you cannot get score more than 5 because you did not deal with those task responses given.  
  
Following that, you are supposed to write a conclusion. It is made from restating what you write in the thesis statement. Hopefully, you don't make a new explanation and the conclusion relates what you review in the body paragraph. Lastly, I think it is enough and better if you only write 4 paragraphs to present your essay.  
  
I hope those can help you finalizing your essay and improve your skill*
@xuancuong  
Hi I am learning ielts so i am really glad to help you in this essay. firstly, you should use more complex grammar instruction, for example, Not only..But also or while ..... by contrast or some words that connect your sentence such as on the other hand.  
  
Secondly, your essay is lack of voccabuary , you should some new words by taking a note . For exple try to use well known, famous people, magaxine, photogengetic, private, public, those words are really helpful for your essay  
  
Thirdly, you essay lacks of ideea that it should have your oppinion in it for example. being famous people is prolem because they do not have private life or can not have private relaxing day
Here is the link of the question,  
Question :  
**Summarize the points made in the lecture you just heard, explaining how they cast doubt on points made in the reading**.  
  
Response;:  
  
## wrong cooperation

  
  
The professor in the lecture gave the students an example of a fail team work and mentioned a couple of reasons why they fails.  
At first , some of the members within the group alomst do nothing or contribution to the group. And when the group succeed , they get rewarded on work done by their team, although they merely got a" free ride". the other hand members who did well feel underrated and they do not appear as the real workers.  
  
Secondly , he opposed the claiming of a group can do the work very quickly, he mentioned that they do not move very quickly, because the members within the group keep on discussing the ideas and do a lot of meetings to make all agree with what the project is going to be.  
  
Finally he mentioned that team members who have a voice in making decision , who can affect the work, they either be very pessimistic , by saying the the project we are working on is very bad. The might affect the movement of the project, or the might be very optimistic telling the members we are on the right way, although it may be the inverse
Abderraouf, I am not sure if the summary that you made of this article is accurate. Though you mentioned that you supplied the link to the original article, you forgot to actually post the link in the post. So I do not have an accurate point of reference when it comes to confirming the summary that you have presented. Kindly provide the link the article as soon as you can so that I can offer a more accurate review and scoring for your work on this essay summary. One thing that I can comment on though is the fact that you do not bother to properly develop paragraphs by offering at least 3 sentences per paragraph. What you have here are mostly single sentence structures that you divided using comma's. A move that is frown upon in the academic circles, specially in the English exam community. You are being judged on your ability to create individual and understandable English sentences, forming extremely long sentences does not respond to that expectation and as such, will alarmingly lower your final score.
## Diverse Education

  
  
When the issue of education comes into view, there exist conflicting opinions. Some people are convinced that the best teachers are parents, whereas others do not consent to this idea. To my way of thinking, parents are not only the best friends but also the best teachers on account of some reasons.  
  
The chief reason why I support to this opinion is that parents comprehend their children's mind. To be specific, parents nourish their children such a long time from a baby to an adult that they know deeply about their children's behavior as well as their hobby. Therefore, they understand which the best way is to impart knowledge to their children. Contrariwise, teachers only have communicated with pupils in school time. A recent survey conducted by the New York Times in 2016 in which objects are children under 18 years old reveals that those who have a good education from their parents often achieve more success than others do not.  
  
Another rational argument in favor of the perspective is that parents can teach their children many things which the teachers often do not. Communication and behavioral skills are great illustrations for it. In other words, teachers often teach these things from books other than everyday skills to children, whereas parents teach their children knowledge from both inside or outside books. Moreover, parents also willingly dedicate time and money to their children for giving them new knowledge as well as interesting experiences. According to Mr. Barack Obama, the 44th President of the United States of America, one of the priorities in his life is impart essential life skills to his two daughters.  
  
Some skeptics, nonetheless, advocate that parents are very busy with their work and they do not have much time for their children. Actually, it is only true in one respect. However, if they really want to teach their children carefully, it is not difficult to arrange their time. In other words, parents can handle this issue to teach their children on weekends or after working time.  
  
In conclusion, parents have so many characteristics that they can be recognized as the best teacher. There are many explanations for this, but the elementary factors are comprehension of children's mind and diverse education.
hi @antonie8x  
  
Your essay is pretty good which has clear thesis and well structured from beginning to the end of paragraph.  
But I have some suggestion with the last paragraph  
  
*In conclusion, parents have **so many characteristics that they can be recognized as the best teacher**.  
So many characteristics does not cope up with you previous thesis. I suggest It could be the quality time or other positive about parents that you wrote in the previous paragraph.  
  
**There are many explanations for this, but** the elementary factors are comprehension of children's mind and diverse education.*This the elementary factors are comprehension of children's mind and diverse education
Anh, what is the actual prompt requirement that you are responding to? Kindly indicate it in your response to my advice because I need to be able to assess your essay for prompt responsiveness and instruction compliance. Without that information, the assessment of your essay is incomplete. As of now, I can offer only a general assessment of your work.  
  
The main issue that I have with your essay, in terms of the argument it presents (without knowing the actual prompt instructions) is that you have done a certain amount of research in order to create an acceptable example or supporting reason for your argument. In the actual exam, there will not be any opportunity to research to create an impressive discussion because the computers will be locked down. While this argument that you created is strong, it was done in inaccurate exam settings so the argument cannot be deemed proper. It would have been best if you used your personal experience of having your parents as a teacher instead of referring to researched material. Personal examples offer a better idea of how you relate to the prompt and impresses the reviewer more.
***In recent years, the family structure has changed, as well as family roles. What are the changes occurring? Do you think these changes are positive or negative?***  
  
## today's phenomenon of the nuclerar family

  
  
In the past decade, there has been tremendous changes in the households worldwide, regarding to their structures and the distribution of family tasks. I think most of these changes are associated with adverse impacts on family.  
  
To begin with, compared to the traditionally pervasive extended family structure, the majority of people now live in nuclear families, in which only parents and children live in one house or apartment. Children move out from their parents' home after 18 years old instead of staying with parents, and each single family normally lives independently with their cousins. In addition, rather than having multiple children in one family, children now rarely have siblings due to "one-child policy", and this is particularly the case in China. Meanwhile, unlike the previous period when it is the women who were responsible for taking care of their offspring, in modern family, there is a greater number of men who share this family role, and domestic status of two genders has become much more equal.  
  
For the positive influences, firstly, thanks to the nuclear family structure and fewer children in one immediate family, the financial burden on families has been largely mitigated. This is because in this way current parents do not have to pay a high total tuition fee for several kids. Besides, women have earned more respect, because they play more social roles and make more contributions to the society.  
  
However, there are also several potential risks stemming from these changes. Firstly, one-child family means that the child is likely to be spoiled, making them self-centred and less considerate, thereby impairing their personality goodness. In addition, considering that adults live far away from their parents or children, it is increasingly difficult for them to have family reunion, so they fail to bond with families, which leads to a weak feeling of belonging.  
  
To conclude, I think although family can benefit from these changes financially, there are huge problems linked with this issue.
Yolanda, the main problem with this essay is that it focused itself on the "Once Child Policy" of China. This was a misunderstanding of the prompt on your part because the prompt did not indicate any particular reasons for the statement. Therefore, it is generalized statement that required a general, not country or policy specific discussion. By focusing your statement on the one child policy, you inadvertently changed the prompt discussion topic and by association, declared a totally different essay than what was originally instructed. Note that all IELTS essays, unless indicating the need for a personal opinion or experience, must be discussed in a general manner, not specific to any country or policy.  
  
Another problem is the way that you delivered your opinion of the matter as single line sentence in the conclusion. This is a common mistake among the IELTS exam takers. The concluding statement can never contain your opinion or new information due to the lack of sentence space to defend the new idea. Your opinion should have been the 4th paragraph of the 5 paragraph essay. The conclusion should have merely wrapped up the discussion without presenting new ideas.  
  
Due to the problems that exist in the presentation of your essay, I do not think that you can score higher than a 4 with this argument.
Topic:  
Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the advantages?  
  
## Early familiarisation with foreign language at school

  
  
Essay:  
Given the critical economic globalization, foreign language education is a hot topic for severe debates in many countries. Some specialists consider primary school the best place to start teaching foreign language; however, some others believe that secondary school is much better. Such methods have been applied in many countries and revealed both negative and positive impacts.  
  
On the one hand, it is undeniable that, in terms of physical development, students at primary school are the most suitable for learning language. As you know, the children from 6 to 8 age are in the 0process to develop organs related to pronounce like tongue; therefore, at this time, they are much easier to adopt different pronunciation than adolescents. Besides, learning foreign language is in relevant to not only vocabulary or grammar but also the mindset of a different culture, so little children, without deep self-consciousness, is the best to absorb a new language.  
  
On the other hand, learning foreign language at primary school brings considerable drawbacks. Firstly, teaching foreign language as a compulsory subject, to a certain extent, could put pressure on children, who should spend more time on outside activities rather than at school. Secondly, most students at primary school tend to not aware of self-study, so without daily language environment, the language education at this group is much less effective than the student at secondary school.  
  
Based on the above advantages and disadvantages, personally, I think foreign language education should focus on students at secondary school rather than primary school.
Maruko, I dare say that you have written an essay worthy of emulation of the other students here. Why is that? Well, your work, though not as fluent in English as it can be, was actually good enough to, in my opinion score a 7 in the grading bracket. The best work from your essay is the fact that you showed an ability to not only understand, but accurately paraphrase the prompt requirements. The line of reasoning that you used showed a good grasp of English grammar and sentence formation abilities. While there were some errors in structure, the errors did not cause confusion for the reader. So there are a lot of plus points for this essay. There was however, one small mistake and that was in the conclusion that you wrote. The essay did not ask you for a personal opinion so you should not have signified any in the end. The format of your closing statement should have kept the general opinion tone that the essay asked you to use because the job of the essay was not to give an opinion but rather, to inform the readers so that they could make their own decision regarding the given topic.
**+ This is the question:**  
The graph below shows the average number of UK commuters travelling each day by car, bus or train between 1970 and 2030.  
  
**+ And this is my answer:**  
Allocated is the chart revealing how many workers on the average have commuted everyday by three different means of transport, namely car, bus and train over the course of 60 years starting in 1970.  
  
I am not sure about the way paraphrase this question, please correct my grammar mistakes (if any)  
**THANK YOU SO MUCH! I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR HELP!**
Thao, always attach the image of the summary you are writing, even if you are only asking for advice regarding the paraphrased opening. That is because the chart contains all of the information that needs to be reflected in your restatement. Right now, I cannot tell if you accurately represent all of the information for a paraphrased statement or not. However, I will try and show you how to properly paraphrase the instructions given what you have provided above.  
  
*The graph indicates the number of commuters in the UK. The information is related to the mode of travel most popular in the UK which are by car, bus, or train. The comparison for the number of travelers for each transport style is compared for the years 1970 and 2030.*  
  
Your opening statement should never be shorter than 3 sentences in order to qualify as a properly developed paragraph. Whenever possible, aim to write 5 paragraphs in order to increase the possibility of a better score.