dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## The access to the movie industry

  
  
**Nowadays it is not only large companies that can be able to make films. Digital technology enables anyone to produce films. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?**  
  
It is true that there was no individual was capable of shooting films in the old days, except big companies. But now, they can produce their own films through the growing of digital equipment. In my opinion, this changing is the significant advantage for the enhancement of modern advanced technology.  
  
There is no deny that digital film making offers greater possibilities and opportunities to film makers than ever before, especially the young film makers who those with their budget tight. In fact, the digital projection is relatively low cost and user-friendly that allows those to create and produce films by themselves with a financially viable investment. Moreover, it has opened up the door potential development chance for any people in this aspect.  
  
In addition, this trend also creates a lot of job opportunities. For example, with the spread global of the Internet, many individuals produce and distribute their personal movies through YouTube, which is a very famous video sharing channel. This helps them earn much money from its video having high viewing proportion.  
  
Finally, if more individual have the potential to manufacture their own films, it can create numerous films and provide audience with more choices to enjoy. Despite the fact that unlike traditional others, an independent film is frequently delivered through the Internet network without any strict censorship, thus a lot of self-produced films that contain the violence and sexual content, resulting of negatively affecting young viewer, especially children.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that the positives of digital revolution in film industry do outweigh the drawbacks.
Hi,  
Here are some comments:  
  
- Your second paragraph seems to answer the wrong question, it doesn't ask you why it is easier to make movies.  
- Your talked about the negative side of this trend more that its positive, which makes me unclear of your position throughout the essay.  
- The conclusion seems wrong to me too, they don't ask you if the positive side outweight the negative, why did you write that in your concluding sentence?  
  
In my opinion, if you think something is positive, just write about its positive side, it is easier to read and understand your essay.
Your discussion, though grammatically flawed, shows that you have a single focus for your discussion, which is what the reviewer will be looking for in your presentation. Though imperfectly presented your opinion, that digital technology is a positive development can be clearly seen in your discussion paragraphs. However, you should have only used 4 paragraphs for this essay, 2 of which were reasoning presentations. Since this is not a compare and contrast with personal opinion essay, it does not need a 5 paragraph presentation.  
  
There was no need to add a 3rd reason in the discussion. If you had removed the short second reason, your essay would have been stronger. The middle reason was under developed and affected the strength of the overall presentation. You should have also strengthened to conclusion by delivering a proper summary of the topic, discussion, and a repeat of your opinion. That way the essay would have been fully compliant in terms of formatting and discussion presentations.
## a dream of being a teacher

  
  
For many years ago, teachers was considered to be the most noble and extremely important to be replaced occupation.But legend has it that '' Nothing lasts forever'', recently, the satistic of people who intend to be part of the educationcal system seems to be decreased, particularly the number of people want to teach in secondary school.This essay is going to draw some causes and resolutions for this major problem.  
  
Let's start the essay with the prior reason:salaries. Salary is the base thing that all workers concern about obviously rather than others benefits.Apparently, Vietnamese people. particularly teachers, all agree that teachers are not paid equitably,lots more lower than expected,especially those work in secondary schools as they are not as needed as highchools teachers due to upcoming university's assessments.Hence, I think governments should offer more benefits such as :out-door activities in summer vacation, pay rises,better insurrances,.....  
  
Secondly, The innovation of technologies have little by little been atracting not only the recent generation but also our future ones.Besides having high incomes,it is also loved by gorgeous attainments,clarificationally artificial inteligence, robots, virtual realities,further more online courses that no one need a tutor anymore. This problem seems impossibly to be solved but united, educational system in each countries has to be up-to-date to the curren civilization and makes changes suitably in order not to be antiquated.  
  
Thirdly, People find it uncomfortable to obey various of rules such as : intergrity, manner, moral, humanity,........which makes them feel they are no longer being themselves. So i thinks this problems come from people who don't want to be controled by rules, so the best solution here, i suggest,is to make those know the importance of teacher which can't be doubt that without teaching in the correct way,human is no longer has the ability to use their abilities efficiency.  
  
Overall, The number of people who has a dream as being a teacher has falled significantly.This is not only because of the poor pay but also each person thoughts.In my opinion, we have to pay more attention on the fallen of interactive education so that we could give out the suitable resolution to preserve it.
Hi, here are my suggestions:  
**As for gramar and vocabulary, you made so many mistakes which can be listed as:**  
-Grammatical mistakes. The basic ones such as teachers ~~was~~, i ~~thinks~~,... You also have problem with structuring sentences, they are quite elusive and not concise.  
  
-Bad word choice (there are actually some words that do not suitably fit in the context)  
**As for the content:**  
-I think the requirement for the essay should be "causes and solutions" rather than "causes and resolutions". "Resolutions" makes no sense here.  
-I suggest dividing the essay into 2 paragraphs for the body (one for causes, and one for solutions). Since you batch them and write in run-on sentences, they are badly-developed that makes no persuasiveness and clarity.  
  
-Be careful of using punctuation
The discussion structure for this essay requires only a 4 paragraph presentation:  
- Paraphrase + Discussion reason enumeration  
- Reasoning Discussion 1  
- Reasoning Discussion 2  
- Discussion Restatement  
  
It should not need to be more than 290 words or 25 sentences in total. Any more than that and you have over-discussed the essay, removing your focus from the content and clarity of your discussion, and allowing errors to remain in your presentation. That will happen because you only have 40 minutes to write this task and you spent it all presenting reasons, not leaving time for you to edit and perfect the essay before submission.  
  
The most immediate problem with your essay is your improper use of punctuation marks. Ellipses (...) are never used in academic writing as these do not truly help to illustrate your discussion. Those are mostly used for illustrative purposes in creative writing presentations. You cannot use 2 successive punctuation marks either. If you use a comma, you cannot use ellipses after. If you use a period, you cannot use a comma right after. These are general errors that you should have seen and corrected before considering the essay finalized in content.
## More police to lower the crime?

  
  
Task2: Many countries are struggling with increases in crime rates and some think that having more police on the streets is the best way to reduce these increasing levels of crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree.  
  
Recently, it is true that criminal rate has been becoming increasingly prominent in a large number of nations , as a result, allocating more police publicly is believed to be an effective method. While I agree that this policy gain the advantages in some ways, I also concur that other approaches should be adopted.  
  
At the outset, there are a number of compelling reasons that why having more police is remarkably advocated. The very first reason is that the presence of police on the streets keeps the public security stable. That the offenders commit crimes can be attributed to the lack of cautious surveilance.Thus, by proliferating the quantity of police officers, illegal activities are likely to be prevented. Secondly, fear of increasing crimes among citizens has emerged as common concerns in countries for ages, so the need for more cops to carry on the fight against threaten crimes is apparent. Futhermore,it also creates a sense of safety for society as the risks of crimes tend to be reported instantly especially in case the police offices are too far to make a statement.  
  
Apart from the argument mentioned above, I am of the opinion that other measures to diminish crime proportion should be implemented. As the crimes are increasing rapidly, urgent actions are required. One of the most effective policy is to enact more rigorous legislation. A prolonged jail sentence, for example, would prevent criminals from committing crimes as they would avoid serving that sentence at all cost.Simultaneously, utilizing government coffers on educational reforms should be taken into account since the inadequacy of basic education leads to the growth of crimes. Poor education is likely to put a restriction on employment opportunities which causes people to offend against law so as to get money for their survival. Hence, upgrading academic systems is worth being considered by government.  
  
In summary, while the benefits of adding more police make it seem like a good idea, I believe that there are variety of more different ways to deal with this situation.
This is not a comparative essay. You wrote it in a manner that does not properly respond to the task requirement. The task requirement is to have you explain your response to the question: *To what extent do you agree or disagree.* The response to the question should be clearly provided in the response discussion outline of the prompt paraphrase (I strongly agree / disagree) for further development in the reasoning paragraphs.  
  
As a single opinion essay, you must focus on presenting 2 supporting opinions for your response. That is lacking in this essay. You have not provided a clear opinion in support of the given question. There is no room to discuss alternative solutions because that was never indicated as a discussion direction in the original prompt. Overall, the essay fails to meet the response requirements for this task and will end up getting a failing score.
## distribution of the world's water

  
  
Task 1: The charts below show the distribution of the world's water and the use of water in three countries.  
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.  
  
The charts illustrate the proportion of natural resources which distribute to World's Water and the amount of water used for three economic sectors in Egypt, Saudi Arabia and Canada.  
  
Overall, it is clear that fresh water accounts for the smallest share of the worldwide water, and it is mostly generated by Ice & Glaciers. Egypt has the highest water usage in agriculture whereas Canadians often use water for their Industry.  
  
According to the two pie charts, salt water provided 97% of the world's water and the percentage of other ones is only 3%. Moreover, the amount of ice & glaciers used to synthesize fresh water is 79 times that of surface water and nearly 4 times as ground water.  
  
As can be seen from the bar graph, Egyptians prefer to spend most of their water usage in Agriculture by 80%, in contrast to about 10% of the water consumption in Industry. Citizens who come from Saudi Arabia not only have a second tendency to use water in the agricultural field but also the second consumption in Industry after Canada (the highest ones with 80%).  
  
*
There are 3 different charts provided. You cannot identify these collectively as mere charts. Identify the types of charts. This will show your information accuracy in your report. The report comes from 2 pie charts and one column bar chart. These identifiers will show your familiarity with the Task 1 discussion requirements. Do not capitalize words that do not represent nouns. "World's Water" does not need to be capitalized. Work on providing a longer discussion by using sentence dividers. Aim to use 3-5 sentences per paragraph so that you can meet the proper paragraph sentence structure presentation format. The essay needs to be more balanced in terms of presenting complex and simple sentences. As of now, you can still improve on your presentation. Your work on presenting the information is good, but needs to be properly divided into individual sentences instead of long sentences as currently presented.
***At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.***  
## Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages？

  
  
Nowadays, adolescents and adults constitute a vast majority of some nation's population, while the elderly only make up a minimal part. It is hard to tell whether the phenomenon delivers a more beneficial impact on the society than opposite trend or not. As a result, I will address my own perspective as follows.  
  
Personally, the only drawback for the situation is the wrong replacement for job vacancies. For most entrepreneurs or supervisors in the company, they assume that older people are overpaid and can be easily replaced by younger workers who can do the job as well. But the scientific evidence on this issue shows differently: When it comes to learning new things, there is just no age limit. In addition, older workforce can provide their career experiences to younger employees. If those supervisors don't pay enough attention on the management of HR, the company may have serious damages and contribute to outflow of talent due to the misunderstanding of the age trend.  
  
However, the phenomenon can be accompanied by some advantages. Firstly, the debt stemmed from the elderly will not take toll on their descendants' remaining life. The debt will be not only on the aspect of money but also the physical tolerance. For instance, if the elderly have a long-lived life, their sons, daughters or even grandsons will have to devote themselves to taking good care of them. What's worse, they need to pay medical expense for hospitalisation. In contrast, if young adults outweigh the elderly, the terrible situation can be soothed since more adults can share responsibility for carrying the burden.  
  
In conclusion, although merits and demerits coexist in this age trend, I personally believe that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
You weakened your discussion by providing a comparative essay instead of strongly discussing the reasons supporting your opinion. As a single opinion essay, you must ensure that your 2 reasoning paragraphs are used to drive home the strength of your point of view. Use one paragraph for your reasoning presentation and the next paragraph can be a fully developed example explanation. That is how how give a strong discussion foundation to your reasoning discussion.  
  
One of the main scoring points is the clarity of your opinion from the very start. That means, you have to indicate your direct response to the question within the prompt paraphrase. So,. rather than the non-response that you provided, you have to make it clear from the start that you have a point of view that will be discussed in the essay. Be specific. Otherwise, you will be scored down for not having a clear opinion from the very start.
## Some people work for the same organization all their working life

  
***Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion..  
  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience**.*  
  
Works fills a large part of our life. People cannot live properly without working. Therefore, the choice we make in our career has a huge impact on ourselves. Some people think it is best to be loyal to one company while others think being employees of many companies is more beneficial. I think the answer depends on the worker's situation.  
  
Working for only one company throughout thee working life indeed has some benefits. First, the likelihood of promotion is higher. When working for an organization long enough, our familiarity to its rules and regulations increase, which helps us improving to a higher standard. Besides, we can also benefit from long-term relationships with fellow workers, many of whom may be of much help for us in life. This choice is suitable to those who prefer safety in their career.  
  
In contrast, working for different organisations is far more adventurous which only suits to people who love challenges or want to find out a better chance. This is positive in that the worker may switch jobs until finding the most suited one. It is also an opportunity for us to broaden our mind by interacting with different types of working environment, which also helps us to be more adaptable.  
  
In conclusion, whether which is true depends on the current situation of the worker. It is better to be loyal if you have already found the most suited job but it is wiser to work for different organisations to discover it if not any has been found.  
  
I am a beginner, please give me some feedbacks
You haven't really discussed the essay based on the required format. Simply writing 254 words, which is over the minimum word count, does not really help you get a better score. You should be looking at the discussion requirements of the essay and delivering the paragraph discussion based on the indicated discussion format. In this case, the discussion format should use 3 paragraph discussion representations composed of:  
  
Reasoning 1: Some people work for the same organization all their working life.  
Reasoning 2: Others think that it is better to work for different organisations  
Reasoning 3: Personal point of view  
  
Always outline the discussion points in a manner similar to what I did above before you start outlining your essay. That way you will see exactly how you should be discussing the essay and how many paragraphs you should be presenting overall. In this case, the complete discussion will cover 5 fully developed paragraph presentations.  
  
Your current presentation is focused on discussing only your personal opinion. This happened because you did not really see how the discussion was supposed to go. That is why it is important to outline your essay before you start discussing. At least figure out what format you have to use so that you can properly develop your reasoning paragraphs using relevant reasons.  
  
I suggest that you learn how to approach the different essay formats for the Task 2 essay before you launch into another practice essay. That way you will have a backgrounder on how to approach the various discussion topics. You can use the samples at this forum. Since advice on how to correct mistakes are given in the thread, you will be able to learn how to properly approach the discussion topics without having to make mistakes of your own first.
## The selection of students by Universities

  
  
Many people are of the idea that schools should contain mixed ability classes, while some think students are better off being selected due to their academic capacities. However, I strongly believe that it is more beneficial for pupils to study in classes of various abilities.  
  
On the one hand, streaming students according to their knowledge level of fields has its own benefits. Firstly, it reduces the burden of teachers in choosing a teaching method which needs to match every learners. Since pupils have to meet all the basic criteria to enroll in a course, the difference between their knowledge is not too big. Therefore, lectures could bring up an efficient curriculum for a whole class without excepting anyone, leading to effective control and timely weakness surmounting. Furthermore, this environment highly cultivates talent and boost learning process. Studying in a class full of people with the same ability, a person would want to make a distinction and prove himself of herself, which ultimately creates a competitive atmosphere to motivate others.  
  
On the other hand, a wide range of abilities gathers in a class facilitates all-round development of students. They approach a good condition for personal fulfillment which is driven by their peers' impact. Classmate could share knowledge in distinct areas, learn new things from other and even discover hidden talents. That results in the fact that students would diverse their capacities, become versatile later in life. For example, a pupil who is good at science but weak in communication, that one can address the problem by learning from his friends.  
  
To sum up, students can take advantage of being selected due to academic level as well as mixed class. However, I support the idea that a variety of abilities in a class is a contributing factor of comprehensive development.
Your discussion is not properly developed. That is because you are not dividing the discussion paragraphs based on the 3 sets of information discussion that you should be presenting. You need to take note of the discussion requirements within the original prompt and present each topic as an individualized discussion paragraph in the essay. That means, for this essay your reasoning paragraph should explain, from the public point of view, as indicated in the original prompt:  
  
Reasoning Paragraph 1: schools should contain mixed ability classes  
Reasoning Paragraph 2: students are better off being selected due to their academic capacities  
Reasoning Paragraph 3: Personal opinion  
  
You are not advised to indicate a personal opinion within the opening paraphrase as you will not have met the comparative discussion requirements of this essay at that point. The personal opinion should indicate that you considered the good and bad points of each public point of view before you came to a personal opinion or conclusion regarding the discussion. Develop the personal opinion as a full single, stand alone paragraph. Make sure that you fully develop the discussion separately from the other 2 stand alone paragraphs so that your essay can be seen by the examiner to be fully developed and scored accordingly.