dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
It is a great essay anyway you should make the numbers count properly. I found it contains more than 200 words. Your overview paragraph (2nd) could be reduced by only including 1 sentence, because 2 are a little risky. I do agree that the details should contain in 2 paragraphs by comparing 2 different variables. Considering the 4th paragraph I think we should avoid kind of comparing like "one in every five people" because it doesnt really explain in the chart. However the using of 21%, 17%, and 21% should not be attached in, we dont really know the exact number from the diagram do we? It's more appropriate to use more than 25% or 15% or using number the diagram mentioned.
## class sizes comparison

  
  
The graph depics the average class sizes in primary schools and lower secondary schools in 6 countries compared to world average in 2006.  
As a general trend, this can be seen that the proportion of pupils per class in primary schools and lower secondary schools in South Korea is bigger than others. Whilst the size of class in primary school in Mexico is ranked last and the size of class in lower secondary schools in UK is ranked bottom of this figure.  
  
With the number of pupils per class in primary school, it seemed to be substantially differences among 6 countries. South Korea reached the top of the list with nearly 3 pupils per class. In Japan and UK is the place which has the size of class were comparatively higher than the world, at 29 pupils per class and 28 pupils per class. On the other hand, Mexico, Denmark and Iceland has smaller than the world, at 20,23 and 21 students per class respectively.  
  
With regard to lower secondary school, South Korea, Japan and Mexico had the largest size compared to world average class size. The UK, Denmark and Iceland had smaller than the world in this figure, with 18, 22 and 19 students per class respectively.
The writer has not indicated the type of graph that was provided for this report. Thus creating a difficult to reconstruct image for the reader. He is also confusing the reader by not completely mentioning all 6 countries in his trending outline. It would be best if he did not mention any countries at all and simply used a general reference to the highest and lowest points in the graph. Afterall, the trending statement does not need to contain any full or partial analysis at that point. It must only contain a measurement observation. One measurement observation is more than sufficient for that task.  
  
The countries for reporting should be divided into 2 groups for the report. Grouping them by regional location or some other method would be more than acceptable for this task as it will offer additional and related information for the clarity of the reader. The groups should not contain more than 3 related countries per reporting paragraph.  
  
The report for lower secondary school can be deemed to be under reported in this case as it does not reflect the other countries that were included in the measurement. This means that the report is under developed and analyzed. It will not allow the examiner to reward full points for that paragraph.
Task 2:  
**Some people think that intelligence is innate while others think that we can improve our intelligence through learning.  
## Discuss both sides and give your opinion.**  
  
Genius is either born in nature or can be trained is a contradictory problem. Some believe that the talent is a gift from the god while others believe that intelligence is a lifelong accumulation of learning. I support that people are able to level up their smartness, given that in most cases, the potentials can be nourished through learning.  
  
Intelligence is a capacity that how people tackle with the amount of knowledge to apply in specific fields, therefore it probably borns with a higher level than average people but hard to upgrade without learning. In society, people admire someone with high intelligence quality because those people are keen on study and always are fast -learners than others. As the world famous inventor Edison said, "A genius is composed of 1% talent and 99% efforts". That is, person with outstanding ability are consider to be diligent and willing to find their potentials in progress.  
  
On the contrary, some people assert that intelligence is a gift from the god and everyone's talents are determined by biological results since we are passed down genes from our ancestors. Innate capacity for humans are a strength since smarter people owns more space in their brains that means they are more likely to memorise more than others.  
  
It is fair to say that people have excellent nature are more likely to own more chance to maintain their talents, and that is why the social classes are hard to be breakdown when the elite have absolutely benefits than commons.  
  
In conclusion, both sides of how intelligence develops states different angle of people judge elites. In my view, life is a long run, the innate capacity gives different begins to everyone. When normal people embrace their own talents, it must be a second chance to improve their intelligence on the roads.
The personal opinion of the writer is not clearly stated in the discussion paragraphs. Though general and group viewpoints are clearly seen, the personal opinion of the writer based on correct first person pronoun usage cannot be found. This delivers a weaker discussion development and indicates a missing discussion point based on the 3 opinion presentation. Had the first reasoning paragraph used first person references, the first person discussion requirement would have been met. Right now, the presentation is under developed because of the incorrect presentation format.  
  
While the sentence structures are not very well done, there is still a semblance of writing control to be found.That made the overall presentation understandable just the same. More sentence writing exercises can help improve the writer's score in that aspect.
## Brotherly Love movie

  
  
- For the followers of BL, it is definitely impossible to ignore "Thien Quan Tu Phuc" - a passionate series adapted into a famous movie by author Mac Huong Dong Khuu. This is also a movie that I cherish so much in my heart that I want to make it my own.  
  
- The film belongs to the genre of passion, set in a fairyland, in a fantasy world, where fairies and demons really exist, mixed with detective and action elements.  
  
- The film revolves around two main characters, Ta Lien - a mandarin in the sky, who soon became famous by the nickname Hoa Quan Vo Than - a joke of the three worlds and Hoa Thanh - a great-class devil that the gods When it comes to color change, I just can't wait to go around 8 roads to avoid meeting this demon. So why are two people, one god and one demon, so involved? This problem is difficult to say, it is difficult to say all one word, easy to say is simply contained in one word "love". Two people meet by chance but not by chance, make friends together, solve all the truths hidden in the dark,.. gradually but they develop feelings, only love can be. This incident only came from Xie Lien's side, and the other demon king actually had a crush on him for a long time.. In the end, will the truth be fully revealed? Will the demon king's true heart be revealed? Is there anything hidden.. watch the movie to clearly feel the author's smooth emotional circuit and extremely skillful logic.  
  
- According to the comment of a reader to each comma like me, really, this movie is delicate to every detail, from images, sounds, calls, costumes.. all are profound to each person. details of a lover. In addition, the plot of the movie is very interesting, coherent and logical, so good that I can't take my eyes off.  
  
- The movie has a deep meaning to the audience, that's because.. the characters in the movie, their stories, are really both reprehensible but can't stop loving them. All the characters created by Mo Huong Dong Khuu are not perfect, they all have a tearful past, have selfish moments, but in the end, what upsets the reader's mind is because.. Can't hate them. This is a very good movie, just watch 1 episode, you can't escape its extreme attraction. Have fun watching movies!
Not everyone is familiar with LGBTQIA+ movies at this point. It would help educate the reader if you can first define what a Brotherly Love movie is and what the stories are about before you launch into the actual movie discussion. Read your reader into it. Do not just get into the nitty gritty of the discussion. The introduction is important in this case.  
  
I found myself confused about the actual reference to this film. All indications pointed to this being a stand alone film. later on though it appeared to actually be a movie series. Which is it? Use a single, clear reference that establishes the storyline as stand- alone or continuing over several films. It will also help establish if this is only one of several film reviews to be expected from you. My last comment comes from how the presentation seems to be formatted for a blog rather than academic writing.
**Hi all, could you please give feedback on this essay?**  
  
## penalties against children

  
  
It is unquestionably essential that children be capable of distinguishing between rights and wrongs. It does not mean that they should get disciplined to figure out these dissimilarities. I firmly believe that punishing young children is unjust. Instead of such cruel practices, parents and guardians should employ a more restrained approach.  
  
On the one hand, it is now widely acknowledged that violent penalties against children have particularly negative impacts. First and foremost, they may be subject to physical and psychological injuries. In addition, studies have also proven an increased tendency of misbehavior in said juveniles. One of the suggested reasons is that when young children are exposed to violence early in their lives, they start to mimic such doings as a defense mechanism. On the other hand, other types of verbal punishment - such as scolding - may induce mental distress and confusion in young toddlers. When parents or guardians lash out at the young child, they will naturally become frightened. Their agitation may cause them to close off interactions, as they try to shield themselves from reprimand. Unfortunately, this act of self-preservation may spawn undesirable effects on children's psychological development. Recent research has pointed out that children who suffer from verbal abuse are especially prone to becoming emotionally and psychologically stunted. Hence, I reckon that it is time parents tried other non-violating and more temperate methods of discipline. I propose that children be left to discover the consequences of their actions alone - though with proper caution. Besides, sending them to do extra chores or complete additional assignments may be one alternative to punishing a child - without making them experience discomfort. On another note, parents can train their offspring to be upright individuals by setting examples themselves. I suppose that this is arguably the best way of bringing up a toddler.  
  
It is of utmost importance that youngsters get nurtured and tutored properly - with loving words and caring actions. No children should have to suffer because of the minor mistakes they inevitably make. I insist that guardians of young adolescents refrain from imposing harsh punishment and make an effort to employ milder substitutes.
Avoid exaggerations in your restatement presentations as words such as "unquestionable" will alter the original intent of the presentation. Being a general reference in the original, the same sentiment should be presented in the restatement. The additional word, as an exaggeration appears to be the writer's personal opinion, which should not be included in the prompt restatement. The extent response and personal response basis are very well developed. However, there should have been a clear reference to what 2 restrained discipline approaches you plan to discuss in the essay. One clearly referring to parental alternative discipline and the other, related to teacher implemented regulations for students. That way a full pre-discussion summary is completed in accordance with task requirements.  
  
The reasoning paragraphs do not follow the prescribed 3 paragraph format. These should separately represent:  
- The opinion of the writer  
- Suggested parental discipline  
- Suggested teacher conduct control action  
  
The writers does not fully thresh out the discussion based on the required format for the discussion. There needs to be a differentiation between educator and parental discipline. They cannot be expected to use the same methods since they are related to the child in different ways. One is personal, the other is educational. So the alternative discipline method should represent that difference.  
  
While the exam taker showed an understanding of the prompt, the discussion method is incorrect and does not represent the correct discussion considerations. While the essay will receive scores in all aspects, I am not sure if these will be enough to pass the test.
## More and more people are migrating to cities in search of a better life

  
  
There is an abundance of residents are transferring from rurality to metropolis toward an advanced future. This essay will tend to give some hardships for staying in large areas and settlements that can be cooked up by government.  
  
One of the staple thing may be a difficulty is obstruction. Nowadays, residents are in favor of using private vehicle, the using proportion of private car increases. However, they may deal with instance of sitting in traffic around 30 minutes to an hour on their way to go for work and back home. Another drawside is high living cost. With development of metropolises, government has an enormous concentration on improving high qualified buildings in a dear price. People who are paid in low can not meet the expense of giving money and usually ought to face with making ends meet.  
  
Numerous approaches can implement to tackle the aforementioned issue. First, government can impose rigorous regulation about charging toll to decline private transport utilization. Moreover, it is necessary to encourage citizens to make use of public transport frequently with friendly energy. Second, in order to reduce pressure on living cost, government may poor money in fabricating more affordable apartments and also have the funds for salary in high for employers.  
  
In conclusion, various steps could be taken to solve traffic congestion and the rising cost of living, which are the two main problems facing urban life.
The first thing that the examiner will notice in this essay is the lack of proper word usage. The test taker is using English words that do not correspond in meaning to what he is trying to say. For example, he uses the word "obstruction" as a reference point for traffic, without explaining what he means by that. Obstruction is not the same as "traffic jams" or "traffic congestion". It carries a totally different meaning that does not help him to clarify his meaning or intention in the sentence. This error occurs several times in the essay, causing confusion for the reader. The examiner will give a failing GRA grade for this essay because of these LR and GRA related errors. These errors will be enough to ensure that the writer will not get a passing overall grade during an actual test.  
  
Add to the problem the fact that he has only written 233 out of 250 words and the essay truly does not have a chance of passing. There will be too many word count deductions in the percentage of the overall score to prevent a passing score. These deductions will be made even before the actual sectional scoring as there is a preliminary score consideration for the word count. Any essay containing less than 250 words will automatically receive word count deductions.
***Maintaining public libraries is a waste of time and is not necessary since computer technology is now replacing their function.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
The role of public libraries is downplayed and they are considered not worth spending time on, due to the current development of computer technology. Subjectively, while I admit the benefits brought by computer technology, I do not agree that public libraries should be replaced.  
  
On the one hand, it is undeniable that computer technology offers innovative functions. Firstly, smart devices equipped with these technologies are highly portable, allowing users to carry them anytime and anywhere. My sister, for example, who is a voracious reader, can enjoy her favorite pages wherever she is, even on the move with a palm-sized Kindle. This has saved her a huge amount of time and effort. Secondly, computer technology facilitates reading books when it comes to finding and organizing. For instance, readers could look for a quote in a thousand-page book and add it to their favorite collection in a blink of an eye.  
  
On the other hand, there are some reasons why public libraries cannot be substituted by computer technology. One reason is that public libraries play a vital role as reliable learning sources. In other words, readers at libraries are exposed to authentic and valuable information which benefits their academic purposes and brodens their spectrum of knowledge. In addition, public libraries are places of gatherings to exchange knowledge and passion for reading. Consequently, this will not only help readers widen their social network but also strongly encourage them to read books, thus building a more sustainable and well-educated society.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that people should pay attention to the maintenance of public libraries, regardless of the advancement of computer technology.  
  
(268 words)
The writer has successfully contradicted his own opinion in this presentation. The result is an essay that does notfully explain not support his personal opinion as stated in the prompt restatement + personal opinion section. The idea behind the reasoning paragraphs is to have the writer illustrate the reasons why his opinion, as first stated should be acceptable and seen as reasonable by the reader. That was not accomplished in this task.  
  
The presentation instead takes to explaining why both sides of the discussion is correct. Creating a confusing opinion and discussion presentation. Aa a personal opinion is required rather thand comparative discussion, only the first stated opinion must be developed in terms of reasoning and defense. The essay is incorrectly developed and discussed in this case. The essay also does not use the required response format, leading to additional scoring deductions.  
  
It will never recieve full TA, C + C, and GRA scores because of it. There is a possibility the essay will recieve failing marks in those sections and get an overall failing score.
***Universities and colleges are now offering qualifications through distance learning from the internet rather than the teachers in the classroom.***  
## *Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?*

  
  
The school of higher education provides online open course opportunities to people by using technology instead of going on-site. In my opinion, the development could make the world become better and broaden our international horizon.  
  
Firstly, the development of online courses make people all over the world have access to knowledge. For example, popular online courses such as Coursera, Udemy, and Edx platforms could help some workers who desire to learn but due to the lack of time learn anytime and immediately. It could also mitigate the ladder of economic in developing countries. Women and children from those countries can absorb new knowledge such as news writing, photography or the theory of gender equality, and so on to strengthen their power to make a peaceful world.  
  
On the other hand, learning the course through the internet might obtain the chance to communicate with a variety of friends worldwide which makes us embrace more cultural differences. Furthermore, people can cultivate their collaboration and leadership skills. For instance, there is a school in Australia partners with a school from other countries by creating an international online program, which provides students to interacts and work in groups of teams with foreigners.  
  
In conclusion, distance learning makes an indispensable impact from local students to people worldwide. We should not overlook this trend and its impact!
The writer is not responding to the provided question. His presented opinion is nowhere near and is not even related to the writing topic as required. The prompt restatement will be prevented from achieving a passing score due to the incorrect opinion response. A partial score will instead be awarded to the paragraph.  
  
An effort must be made during the drafting process to ensure that each sentence presentation has meaning. There is one sentence in particular concern as it does not contain a clear subject The sentence in question is:  
  
It could also mitigate the ladder of economic in developing countries  
Economic what? How does that relate to the given discussion question? It appears that the author little understands or totally did not comprehend the discussion requirements.  
  
Based on the overall discussion presentation and concluding paragraph, I am convinced that the essay will notpass the test as it discusses a totally different topic.A topic that was created by the writer, without consideration for the original discussion requirements.
## global temperature and CO2 levels

  
  
The line graph compares and contrasts data on the changes in the average temperature and greenhouse gas emission levels on Earth over a forty-five-year period.  
  
Overall, it is clear from the chart that both worldwide temperature and carbon dioxide emission levels tend to increase significantly year over year.  
To look in detail, in the period from 1960 to 1985, while co2 levels rose evenly and swiftly from under 320 in 1960 to more than 350 in 1985, the global temperature, however, witnessed fluctuations over the whole period, commencing at zero degrees Celcsus, grew and fell erratically and eventually, reached 0.1 degree Celsius in 1985.  
  
Additionally, in the period from 1985 to 2005, the co2 emissions levels kept observing remarkable surges and ultimately peaked at 380 in 2005. The global temperature, in another evolution, remained unstable; nevertheless, during this period it tended to proliferate then reached its highest point of 0.5 degrees Celsius in 2005.
The summary overview can do with more information separation in the sentence. Based on the data it currently contains, the presentation could have been divided into 3 sentences for better data dissemination. Proper year coverage for the 45 year reference is also a necessary part of the shortened presentation.  
  
Avoid asking the reader to look at the image in greater detail. For one thing, the assumption for this test is that the image is not present for the reader. Hence the need for proper data referencing on your part. For another thing, you did not upload the image with this post for me to compare the information provided. Do you see why the image reference is useless in either instance?  
  
The writer does not provide a proper mix of simple and complex sentences in any paragraph. Proof that he is not knowledgable about proper English sentence structures. He is only capable of writing in run- on sentence format and the only punctuation marks he uses are limited to a comma and period. Both proving a lack of grammar abilities and familiarity.