dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## title:

  
***The table below gives information on visitor statistics for 1996, 1998 and 2000 for various World Heritage sites in Australia.***  
  
The table shows data about the number of visitors for various World Heritage sites in Australia in three different years.  
  
Overall, the visitor statistics for Great Barrier Reef was the highest while the figures for Macquarie Island was the lowest over the period shown. There was a significant increase in the number of visitors to the Great Barrier Reef.  
  
There were several similarities in visitor statistics of the Great Barrier Reef, Blue mountains and Tasmania Wilderness. In 1996, the Great Barrier Reef was visited by 1,670,000 people compared to 526,000 and 450,000 people visiting Blue Mountains and Tasmania Wilderness. The next 4 years experienced a rise in visitors to three sites, the figure for Great Barrier Reef reached 3,200,000 people in 2000 while just 581,000 and 483,000 people visited Blue Mountains, Tasmania Wilderness respectively.  
  
Meanwhile, there were differences between Central Eastern Rainforest Reserve, Shark Bay and Macquarie Island. Visitors travelling to Central Eastern Rainforest Reserve declined over a 4-year-period from 810,000 down to 770,000 people. In contrast, the figures for Shark Bay and Macquarie Island stabilised, at 89,000 and 300 people respectively.  
  
i hope to see your feedbacks  
i have just started so it may contains many mistake.  
thank you very much!!  
  
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All of your paragraphs should have a minimum of 3 sentences. This includes the summary overview. The lack of sentence development in that section has resulted in a sentence that presents information, but without a clear meaning involved in the presentation. How many heritage sites were presented? What years are involved in the survey? These are the missing overview data in your presentation that should have been presented along with the trending statement to show a clear short version of the report from the chart.  
  
In the second paragraph, you should indicate the years of similarity and immediately follow that up with the similar information. After that, you can present the uneven measurements in the same paragraph. This will help you create a more cohesive and coherent discussion presentation for that information section. For the Macquarie Island information, it did not stabilize at 300. That would mean that the figures remained the same over the time periods indicated. There was an uneven number of visitors actually. So you should have instead, indicated a fluctuation in guest numbers during the years presented.
This is my practice for IELTS WRITING TASK 2. Look forward to your kind suggestions.  
  
***Education is not a luxury, but a basic human right and as such should be free for everyone irrespective of personal wealth.***  
## Do you agree or disagree?

  
  
Knowledge is regarded as the most elementary human's need, thereby being believed to should be free of charge for everyone from every walks of life. From my perspective, education can be free to some extent.  
  
On the one hand, utilizing basic education, a myriad of people are given the unprecedented chance to discover their own potential and together beautify the global picture. It is undeniable that education propels a person to the path of a morally-good and sensible citizen, but, statistically, millions of children worldwide are deprived of the chance to approach it properly mostly due to financial problems. Cost-free required basic education is not only a human right but also a promising investment in the next generation. Since each individual is equally having the opportunity to explore personal ability, they will further develop the world. Thus, education at the basic level should be provided for everyone regardless of their economic background.  
  
On the other hand, granted that people's needs for education vary greatly, reasonably specific education, in particular higher schoolings, required a corresponding fee. Billions of people choose to follow enormously different paths. It is, therefore, rather not feasible to expect everyone to be satisfied with only the free-provided basic knowledge, nor is it possible to equip all people with intensive academic knowledge. Furthermore, when it comes to higher education which at times required instruments and facilities, money is probably in need.  
  
All in all, while basic education is believed to be free for everyone, money should still be charged for specific cases.  
  
(255 words)  
  
**Summary:**  
There are two main points. The first one is basic education should be free. The second one is higher education should be charged.
This is not an extent essay. Therefore, your discussion approach, which is, "to an extent' response is incorrect. There do not need to be 2 discussion points. Only 1 opinion that either agrees or disagrees with the given opinion / topic statement. As you have decided that you do not want to follow the discussion instruction because you know better, there is no way I can review this paper for accuracy of response.You will automatically fail because you did not respond to the question in a manner that relates to the instruction. You cannot write the paper based on what you want to say and how you want to say it. You have to show the examiner that you can understand basic English instructions and that you can follow the instructions without changing any aspect of it.  
  
When you try to show that you know better than I do, do not approach me for advice. You obviously do not need any.
## preparing children to the adulthood

  
  
A child can not differential good and bad. They can learn from their parents or their surrounding environmental. According Seifert and Hoffnung. They are child psychologist interpret that development can growth form a person and effect for long-term, mindset, social relations, and skill motoric. They involve development for child that change the child can see from their mindset, social interaction, and emotionals.  
  
The child must explore the nature. Because from the nature they can learn all about they seen. And the mother must monitoring her child for give a information and suggestion for their child. Mother is the first teacher for children. So, existence the mother is important for growth the children.  
  
School is very needed for people, especially for the children. Because, people can get knowledge and insight theoretically.  
I think i agree that the parents is important for become a their teacher at home and teach everytime and everywhere. And the teacher at the school also have important role for get a knowledge. Both between parents and teacher have important role for become a good members of society for the children.  
  
For example, the children have conditions of disability. Resulting in the child have no many friends. So, the parents can give the child motivation and become a friends forever who understand her/his condition. And, the teacher at the school become her/his place for get a hardskill or softskill for improve their value.  
  
If both can not combine, then they lost balance for get a good members of society. Both can not be divided because is important for the children.
This is actually an IELTS Task 2 practice prompt. Were you writing in preparation for that test? Or is this a topic that was given to you as a part of a basic written English language exercise? Kindly make sure to indicate what sort of writing you are doing next time so that I can give more relevant comments regarding your work. Without knowing what your target is for this writing, I will just give you a general review of the presentation you have made.  
  
The presentation is grammatically inaccurate and has several word usage errors and punctuation mistakes. These are what have caused the essay to be incoherent to the reader. There is no clear idea being presented due to the inaccuracy of the overall statements. This can be corrected by having you make an effort to improve your English vocabulary through the proper learning of word meaning. You cannot just keep using words that you think sounds right or applicable. You have to be certain that the meaning of the word helps to convey the thought you are developing. Otherwise, you end up with this confusing presentation of thoughts that do not have a clear thought process indicated.
## Do you agree or disagree?

  
  
People argue that a plant-based diet can offer a range of health benefits without eating meat. I completely agree that a vegetarian diet is sufficient for a healthy lifestyle.  
  
As regards the healthy perks, a wholly vegetarian diet brings about a human body of adequate nutrition in order to minimize the risk of cancer and heart diseases. Both cancer and heart diseases have been considered one of most important causes of mortality around the world. Thanks to diets rich in plant foods, such as fruit, vegetables, whole grains have been associated with lower cancer risk, whereas, eating red and processed meat increases colorectal cancer and may catch other cancers. For example, the longevity average of Japanese people is eighty, they also evaluated having healthy habits. The secret is there are always more than five vegetable dishes in their meal, particularly in their breakfast. As a result, the more people supply plant - foods in their daily portion, the more people can absorb important nutrition to lower the risk of these serious diseases.  
  
It can not be denied that following a vegetarian would protect the environment for the following reasons. Research shows that vegetable production causes less emission than meat production, due to the fact that vegetable farms keep emission lower because there is less waste and no cooking in the canning process. One popular concern about the waste treatment process of large farms is that animals generate more than 1 million tons of manure per day. While big livestock farms raising animals waste large amount of water to clean barns. Consequently, sewage from raising animals process discharged into the river frequently. In the worst case, the water population might be out of control.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that not only is vegetarianism good for the human body but also for the environment.
You are being provided with a difference of opinion. It is not good to refer to this as an argument as there is no scenario that indicates a debate as ongoing. Rather, there are only people presenting differing beliefs and ideas. This presentation most certainly does not qualify as a debate but rather a "discussion" or "opposing beliefs." This is not an extent essay either so a simple agreement or disagreement with the given presentation would have been enough. Always follow the instructions as provided, do not exaggerate your statements or your responses as these will tend to alter the presentation from the original prompt and create prompt deviations on your part, which could lead to a failing TA score.  
  
The second paragraph is a prompt deviation. There is no representation in your restatement that the effects of a non-vegetarian should be discussed in some way. Therefore, this presentation will not be considered by the examiner in scoring your presentation. As such, the second reasoning paragraph word count will be deducted from your overall presentation count. That means, the essay will automatically be less than 250 words, thus ensuring that the essay will not be able to achieve a passing score due to several other problems that exist in the presentation, along with the irrelevant discussion deduction.
***Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones.***  
  
## Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

  
  
Some people are of the opinion that phones should be banned from being used during school day. However, some people are opposed to this idea, claiming that students should be allowed to use mobile phones. From my perspective, parents should let their children use their phones during the school day, and I will further elaborate in this essay.  
  
It seems clear that phone should be used during school day for several reasons. Aside from calling for an emergency, students make use of their phones to do research. With the colossal amount of information on the Internet, learners can easily look up whatever they are required to. For example, during a science class, teachers ask the students to do a survey on solar system (or anything impossible to see), the only way to learn about it is collecting information on the Internet.  
  
While phones are encouraged to be used wisely, some people recommend excluding it from being used at school. Some parents may have fear for their children not paying attention in class. Using mobile phones for personal reasons during class can result in several consequences. Phones can be allowed to use but can also be prohibited, depending on the time of the students using their phone. If it happened to be banned, parents should only take it after class. For instance, were their children happen to be in trouble in class, they would directly call you up for help. In truth, some imperative measures ought to be taken to resolve the problem if any students use their phones during class. Teachers should collect all of them at the beginning of the class and give them back at the end of the lesson.  
  
In conclusion, phones should be let use during school day but for a period of time to make sure that students can concentrate on their lesson appropriately.
You have not changed the original prompt presentation to the point of presenting your understanding of the original idea. You have used too many of the original reference points without changing the words. The restatement section will be seen as being more of a cut and paste job on your part rather than a presentation of the original, based upon how you understood it. That means the TA score will not be good for this section, most specially since there is no clear opinion outline in the thesis sentence part at the end. The examiner already knows you will elaborate on your response, what he wants to know is, the reason for your response that you will be expanding on in the 3 paragraphs to follow.  
  
You have to use third person pronouns in the first 2 reasoning paragraphs . That is because you are presenting the opinion of other people and explaining their belief. While others will tell you that you should avoid using pronouns and make general statements instead, please remember that your GRA score is based upon your understanding of how to properly use English grammar rules, that includes pronoun usage. Without the pronoun usage in the third person, the essay becomes solely a personal general statement, which is not the purpose of the essay.
## the percentage of people without job - London and rest of England

  
  
The line graph compares the level of people who are out of work in 4 groups of London and England during the period from 1993 to 2012.  
  
Overall, it is clear that the proportion of jobless people decreased from 1990 to 2002. Besides, the rate of between job young man is higher than overall.  
  
In 1993, the levels of unemployment people aged 16-24 were around 22% and the figure for those living outside of London was 5% smaller, at 18%. Whiles level of jobless people fall down significantly during 10 years, the trend for higher levels in London and among young adults continued.  
  
From 2002, there was an upward trend in the level of jobless young people in England and London. The proportion of those rose dramatically by around 20% in both. However, the rest people of London and people live outside London without work remained below 10%  
  
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The first error I have to point out, is the under writing in this essay. You are required to write at least 150 words or face penalties for writing under the minimum word requirement. You are short by 2 words so, you can expect a minimal percentage deduction in your TA score. Though minimal, it could still have a strong effect on your final score. Remember, essays that do not present more than the minimum word count are usually seen as being under developed and little analyzed. Try to write 175 words next time to better meet the more than adequate writing standards for the test. The way to increase your word count and GRA scoring considerations will be by changing the way you present the information from the image. Rather than using only commas to separate the information presentation, creating a pause, but not a break that helps with the clarity and coherence of the presentation, use a variation of punctuation marks instead, with a focus on period (.) usage. That way you give your chance to truly create an acceptable mix of simple and complex sentence presentations within the paragraphs. Right now, you present only 2 long sentences per paragraph. Aim to write at least 3 up to 5 sentence per paragraph to allow for a better data analysis presentation and comparison on your end.
Hello, I am new here.  
I would like to ask for help to check and give back to my writing.  
How can I improve my writings? because my goal is to score 7.5 in this section.  
Thank you in advance.  
  
Write about the following topic.  
  
***Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular.  
## Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?

  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.***  
***You should write at least 250 words.***  
  
Just a few clicks on your laptop, then your purchase has been made. Now you only need to wait patiently for the goods to come. The digital era made our lifestyles easier, and the majority of society already used this to buy goods from books, air tickets, and groceries. However, is this online shopping culture bring more advantages than disadvantages? In my personal experience, yes it is in terms of cost and time efficiency.  
  
One of the reasons is the ease to compare prices. I always purchase air or train tickets using online platforms to go back to my home city. Through online websites, I could detect the best value by comparing the schedules, services, thus the availabilities. Not only to buy transportation tickets, but I also use this method to buy the best value books, clothes, and make-up. Some people argue this abundant information creates more decision times. However, in my personal opinion, the effort to check and compare is worth the value, moreover it assuring me to get the best travel experience.  
  
Thus, online purchases saving more time and efficiency. I was having a sudden asthma attack at midnight and I was alone at that time. Unfortunately, my medicine already expired, therefore I used an online application with 247 operational hours to buy it. They delivered my medicine within an hour. I saved my time to commute from home-pharmacy-home and I can rest until the medicine came.  
  
To sum up, I totally agree that the benefit of online shopping outweighs the problems. Because it is not only efficient to make decisions monetarily but also time-wise.
You used the correct approach in presenting the opinion from a single point of view that supports your personal opinion. However, the presentation falls a little short, in my opinion, when it comes to the actual discussion question which indicates a comparative discussion format based on your personal opinion. The strength of the discussion of the advantage/disadvantage essay lies in how well you can dispel the advantage notion, creating a believable disadvantage discussion on your part or, a disadvantage discussion that you can disprove to be an actual advantage, based on your experiences and knowledge.  
  
In the presentations, you show the advantages, which are readily known to people. However, you failed to present reasons why people might perceive these to be disadvantages. So first, explain why people mistakenly see the use of online shopping as a disadvantage, then explain why you think otherwise. For the medicines, explain the belief regarding medicine authenticity when ordered personally from a drugstore, then indicate why that misconception is incorrect by using your personal experience as the convincing factor.  
  
You have shown that you have the potential to score more than just a 7.5 in the test. You just have to be keep practicing to get better at it. By the way, you should not be writing the word as "247" but rather "24/7" to indicate 24 hours a day / 7 days a week. That is a minimal LR error that you can correct in the future. Please make sure to familiarize yourself with such terms so that you can use these in a more appropriate format in your coming practice essays.
I am confused as to whether you are writing this essay as a research paper or as a Task 2 essay topic. The presentation format is that of a Task 2 essay. However, the discussion presented is that of a research paper. So which is it? If you are presenting a research paper, then you need a clearer and more defined thesis paragraph in the first presentation. The questions you hope to answer, the trend for the response, and the sources for your response would help create a strong and coherent thesis statement for your presentation.  
  
When you use the word "and" in the paragraph, it should be preceded by a comma because it is a conjunction. You should be joining the 2 sentence ideas in one presentation rather than trying to start a new one with an improperly formatted sentence. In reference to the factual information in the presentation, you are missing in-text citations that would give the reader the original source of the information. As an article or research paper, the original source will be the factual basis of your information presentation.