dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Okay, the approach you took to this essay is acceptable but could have been better. You were asked to discuss this opinion and then offer your own opinion. So, the more appropriate format for this 2 reasoning paragraph topic is as follows:  
  
- Offer a reason why educators believe that pen and paper tests are the best way to assess a student's learning  
- Explain why educators firmly believe this to be the only accurate way to test students  
- Immediately offer your counter opinion as to why the pen and paper test isn't an effective assessment tool for learning  
- Use an example, based on personal experience and using the first person pronoun, if possible, to further strengthen your opinion  
- Based on the example, offer an extended explanation of your opinion  
  
The idea of this essay is to show that you are capable of taking an existing belief, and then proving that belief to be wrong. In effect, you should be debating the validity of the given opinion. That is why your opinion is being asked for in the essay. However, your current presentation only explains why you believe that the pen and paper test isn't an accurate test of intelligence. You need to have a discussion point to counter before you can offer your explanation. Otherwise, it will be difficult to believe that you have a valid opinion on the matter.  
  
The clarity and coherence of your opinion will be better scored and considered if you can properly debate the opposing opinions in written form. It will show that you have a clear opinion and that you consider all the possible angles before offering your own take on the given topic. Use 2 connected topics in the reasoning paragraphs to achieve this goal.
The animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land and in sea. What are the reasons and solutions?  
  
There is no doubt about that wildlife habitats are being destroyed and whole species of animals are on the verge of disappearance due to human activities on land as well as water. This essay will not solely highlight what are the reason behind this issue it will also provide some potential measure to resolve it.  
  
There are two main reason why animals are disappearing. Firstly, in many parts of the world trees are being cut down to make a way for farmland on which to grow crops and keep animals. Such agriculture practices involve clearing huge plots of land inhabited by local fauna, resulting in the loss of habitats for the native animals. Secondly, over fishing is also responsible for the destruction of aquatic life as many fishermen prioritize profits to the detriments of the diversity of species. Many fish and other rare marine forms of life are trapped, which reduces biodiversity and has a devastating effect on the food chain of wildlife species. These circumstances are causing a considerable amount of damage to animal species.  
  
Some solutions can be adopted to improve this situation. One approach is the implementation of hi-tech machinery and other technology breakthrough in the cultivation activities. Seeds with higher crop yield can be grown while powerful tractor can be applied to p lough the field in speedy manner, resulting in higher output and productivity and thus a lower demand for clearing more land for crop planting. Another measure is that government should impose strict fishing regulation, setting a limit of the catch fish or restricting access to aquatic areas with great biodiversity. This ensures that other wild sea animals would not be destroyed in the process  
  
In conclusion, this essay highlighted that reasons behind this happening are deforestation and over fishing moreover this essay also represented that solutions to this issue are twofold enhancing technology related to cultivation and implementing laws pertaining to fishing which have been exemplified in the above paragraphs.
Rather than using a numerical ordinal in your presentation, use a transition sentence, that connects the two reasons in the presentation, instead. You could have said something like:  
  
*Just as over logging has affected the the flora and fauna on land, so has over fishing changed the lives and environment of the marine creatures. Over fishing is responsible...*  
  
Did you see how I used the transition sentence to strengthen the connection of your first topic to the second? This is the type of paragraph presentation that would help to increase your C&C score as the connecting sentence helps to tie the discussion together. Conciseness is represented by the reason the two topics are related (over logging and overfishing) and coherence is related to the environment discussion (changing habitat on both sides). Try to incorporate such transitions in your paragraphs. Trust me, it will definitely help increase the GRA and C&C score of your essay.  
  
Try to use more alternative words for the keywords int he presentation. You did not change the words  
  
animal species - species of animals (It is still considered cut and paste because you still used the same words from the prompt)  
  
human activities on land - Same reason will be applied, cut and paste of the original phrase.  
  
You will lose points in the LR section because you failed to show a more extended vocabulary and knowledge of synonyms in your writing.  
  
Good discussion though. You just need to practice more and focus on correcting the errors I pointed out here. Don't forget to improve your writing style as suggested as well.
## Youth crimes rise

  
  
Crime rate in teenagers has increase dramatically in many countries in recent years. Give some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions to overcome youth crimes.  
  
Youth crimes have become a controversial topic recently, in particular large cities and countries around the world. There is a wide range of explanations for this phenomenon, but there are also several ways to address it probably.  
  
The increase of youngsters in violating the laws might be resulted by numerous reasons, however, there are two significant ones. Firstly, due to lack of parental supervision and instruction, teens may potentially fall prey to social pressure abuse or delinquency. For example , a child can choose to do activities such as shoplifting or cheating, which their peers promote or threaten to do without understanding the implications this may be a form of crime. As the result of being less care, adolescences would be exposed to the uncontrol lifestyles. Secondly, in terms of economic reasons, children who are unfortunately from financial disabilities backgrounds have to strive for living, potentially leading to uneducated problems  
  
Dropping schools and working at a young age will eventually have a detrimental effect on teenagers. More than 60 per cent of children committed to crime, in particular, come from impoverished families and lack of frequent education, according to recent research in Vietnam.  
  
There are, however, a number of solutions that would help to tackle this issue effectively. Governments could apply free education systems to students under the age of 15. By doing so, adolescents can be guaranteed adequate education to enhance their cognitive abilities and self-awareness about the weight of laws and general crimes. . If work probably, the criminal rates will decrease gradually. Another measure is that creating more community projects, where youngsters can absorb others' perspectives and expand the boundaries of knowledge as well. This can result in boosting their confidence and self-esteem to be recognized as a useful citizen. Many authorities around the world have been efficiently applied this practice in reducing criminal statistics.  
  
In conclusion, although youngsters' crimes have become exacerbated more than ever, there are still variety viable practices that we could do to adhere this issue.
Please make sure to study the different essay formats for the Task 2 test. There is only one instance when you should write a 5 paragraph essay. That is when you write a "discuss both points of view and give your opinion" essay. All other essays are written only in the 4 paragraph format. That means, you should not write more than 290 words for the essay. Additionally, you should be using the 2 topic sentences per paragraph format for the pluralized discussion per paragraph.  
  
That means, the essay topic is testing how well you can connect 2 reasons in one paragraph. This type of question tests your C&C skills in particular. So you have to be able to explain how 2 related causes and 2 related solutions work, within the same paragraph, using 5-8 sentences at the most. Conciseness and clarity will be tested based upon how short, but understandable your paragraph explanations are.  
  
In your presentation, you are using too many words and sentences per paragraph, for a single topic. That isn't good when you are doing a clarity and conciseness essay. You should be able to do this quickly and clearly, within 40 minutes. All of your paragraphs are not well developed nor explained. Even though you are using so many words, you failed to create a connection between topics. So, you did not really achieve the explanation expectations of the essay prompt.
## Pros and cons of computers in the classrooms

  
  
These days, it could not be denied the importance of computers in modernization life. It is becoming more common that people can not work well without them. Especially, in education sector, computers also help teachers and students be more effective in teaching and learning. However, there are still some drawbacks of computers existed. In this essay, I will discuss some pros and cons of it and give examples.  
  
On the first hand, students nowadays tend to be fed up with traditional text books or lessons. They are not focus on the lessons at all that leads to the result of the final examinations are not good. To tackle this problem, teachers applied technology like making lessons as a presentation with many effects in combination with sounds that make students be more attractive and curious. In addition, with a computer accessed to internet, sometimes teacher can show students the videos to illustrate what is being said that could help students to understand easier then keep it in mind longer.  
  
Moreover, a computer allows teachers and students to stay in touch without meeting directly. For example, students still could have lessons at home with teachers by online learning platforms. This leaning manner not only saves time for both teachers and students but also help students always promptly have supports from teachers when they need.  
  
Conversely, computers have their owns disadvantages that teachers and students should avoid. It is no doubt that computers are creating the dependence for students. For many, they absolutely believe that computers can do everything well for them. A good example of this would be finding information on the internet then copy - paste to complete homework instead of attempt to reading book and do it themselves. Gradually, they become lazy and totally rely on computers.  
  
To sum up, although computers have some cons, in my opinion, the advantages are still outweigh so if we could handle the disadvantage as well as create a self discipline when using computer, that would optimize the benefits of computers.
You need to shorten the discussion. This is a 4 paragraph essay that uses the following format:  
  
- Topic sentence  
- explanation  
- Second, related topic sentence (must help improve the first topic discussion)  
- Example that relates the 1st and 2nd topic sentences  
- Collaborative explanation that proves the dis/advantage of the two topics  
  
When asked to write about advantages and disadvantages, you must write a balanced examination of the opinions. However, you only have 2 reasoning paragraphs to do so since the instruction did not ask for your opinion, which would have made this a 5 paragraph sentence. Your presentation is not balanced. You are focusing on 2 advantages and only 1 disadvantage. Therefore, this will be seen as an under developed discussion with some parts covered more than others. By using the format I provided above, you would be able to present a fully developed, coherent, and concise discussion as the topic sentences per paragraph will always be related to one another.  
  
Additionally, you did not consider that you only have 40 minutes to write this task. Writing a total of 337 words will mean that you will be unable to properly focus on developing the discussion points, correcting grammar errors, and perfecting the presentation. You should divide your time as follows:  
  
- 10 minutes to analyze , outline, and draft your essay content  
- 10 minutes to write your draft  
- 10 minutes to proofread and correct your grammar errors and improve your sentences  
- 10 minutes to finalize the content, change irrelevant positions, or improve on certain aspects that need it.  
  
You are capable of creating good discussion points. The grammar isn't perfect and needs work, but you can be understood in the presentation. However, you need to learn to say more by writing less. That is what the outline I provided you should help you achieve.
**Thank you so much for your feedbacks! I really appreciate it**  
  
## more sugar-based drinks in the market than ever

  
  
Coming out as one of the highest caught illness in the world - diabetics has raised a number of concerns among health experts but clearly not the consumers. As the quantity of consumed sugar-based drinks continues increasing intensively. This essay will discuss the possible reasons and suggest solutions to tackle the aforementioned situation.  
  
Factors contributing to the growth of sweat drinks consuming rate varies widely to different parties including manufactures, advertisements and consumers themselves. The size of the market providing bottled drinks is getting larger every day, there are more than one thousand types of drinks being sold in supermarkets, automatic drink booths installed in public and universities. With the power of advertisements which provides false information of nutrition values of those drinks, combined with its convenience and availability, sweetened drinks attract customers at every age. Leading as a part of this is the subjective attitude of people who not only do not considerately search for true values of this drink but also ignore the advice of doctors and helpful news from reliable sources. As the consumers have the tendency of favoring cheap and tasty drinks rather than paying more to get healthy expensive drinks.  
  
Fortunately, this situation can be addressed by various measures. There should be stricter and transparent conditions of advertising control towards sugar-based drinks, whereby the information broadcasted would be less exaggerated, which also helps to reduce the number of advertisements. Therefore, when it comes to decisions, customers would not affected by the curiosity raised by watching advertisements, and consider the drinks based on the actual quality. Moreover, analyzing articles or news about the harmful effects of sweetened drinks should be prioritized to reach larger readers and more frequently in order to raise the awareness of consumers. The government can play an important role in restricting the production of those drinks by laying higher tax on them and encouraging manufacturers to produce more healthy drinks. This would change the price and limit the presence of sweetened drinks, which surely make a great impact on customer's habit of choosing low price or random picks.  
  
Although sugar-based drinks sometimes can be a good choice because of its tasty and low price, overuse of those drinks would cause serious health debility. Therefore, it is responsibility of the whole society and government to apply plausible solutions to limit people consuming this unhealthy types of drinks.  
  
**Short summary**  
Why?  
There are more and more sugar-based drinks in the market than ever.  
It is advertised to give energy and provide vitamin which is good for the health  
It is cheap and tasty and being sold everywhere, easy to find  
How to reduce?  
Spread the knowledge, provide the information about the harmful effects of sugar-based drinks  
Produce healthy drinks  
Rise tax so the price of sugar-based drinks would be higher
You have only 40 minutes to write this task. You should not be writing more than 275-290 words for this task. That is the appropriate word count for maximized scoring potential based upon how well your spellcheck, edit, revise, and proof-read your essay.  
  
As you paraphrase the original prompt, you must remember that you are scored on the accuracy of your information. There was no indication of a reference to Diabetes in the original discussion. Nor where you asked in the instruction to refer to an illness cause by unreasonable soda intake. So there was no need to change the prompt discussion topic to include health hazards. The only topics to be discussed in the essay are the reasons for the increased intake and what can be done to reduce the intake. Only 2 discussion reasons, Diabetes has nothing to do with the discussion. The inclusion of that reference will lower your TA score.  
  
The reference word is "soft drinks" not sweat drinks. Or perhaps you meant to say "sweet drinks:"? It would be better if you simply refer to the drink through its more commonly known reference "soda". Your LR and GRA score will be negatively affected by each wrong word usage you present in your essay.  
  
You are too focused on providing reasons and solutions. None of your explanations and topics are properly developed, explained, and justified. You are always just saying the reason, without a proper explanation. Use only one topic per question response paragraph. That way you can properly develop the discussion in reference to:  
  
- Topic  
- Reason  
- Explanation  
- Example  
- Justification of example  
  
That is the format required for each question. 5 simple sentences. No run on sentences as you have developed in your current paragraphs. Do not over analyze, do not over explain. An extra long essay is not going to get you a passing score. Instead, it will make your grammar shortcomings and errors more noticeable. A short essay, with properly used vocabulary and clear explanations will also score better than an essay that is meant to simply show the examiner the range of your English vocabulary. You are not scored on vocabulary alone. You have to pass all the criteria in order to get a passing score and at the moment, your essay does not meet all the requirements for a passing overall score.
***In many countries it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building.*  
  
## Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Owing to the detrimental effects of smoking, several countries have banned it in public areas and if needed, one must consider move to a isolated place. I strongly support this move and will discuss the same in this essay.  
  
To begin with, there are number of health hazards associated with smoking in public that are not just limited to smoker but also to surrounding individuals. This is because, the fumes exhaled out of smoker have tendency to create a cloud of fumes around him, which can be inhaled by the bystanders, as a result, bystanders gets exposed to same respiratory-diseases as the smoker. Studies have shown that, people around the smokers are more prone to cancer than the main character. Alternatively, if such a practice is done in an isolated enviroment, it will certainly confine the harmfull effects of tobacco.  
  
Furthermore, smoking in public place also presents psychological effects. In other words, Doing so in public can induce such habbits in others especially, younger generation. This is because, adolescents are impressionable and if they see something, they are more-likely to try it. A recent survey state that, 60% of people involved in smoking began doing so as they found it amusing watching someone doing so in public. Argument goes that if masses are allowed to light a cigarette in open areas, it is more likely that upcoming generation will double up the numbers of smokers.  
  
All things considered, despite the inconvenience caused to one's indulged in smoking, I vehemently believe that it has resulted in saving people from physical and mental health hazards.
This is only a simple single opinion essay. You do not need to use an extent response to the agree or disagree question. You should also make sure that you present 3-5 sentences in all your paragraphs. Specifically in the paraphrase and reverse paraphrase sections. Avoid run-on sentences (sentences separated by a comma instead of a period) as these long and confusing sentences will definitely lower your GRA, C&C scores.  
  
Spelling Errors:  
enviroment - environment  
harmfull - harmful  
habbits - habits  
  
Grammar Issues:  
You do not need a hyphen: more - likely - more likely  
Do not capitalize a word after a comma unless it is a proper noun or the first person personal indicator "I" - words, Doing so... - ... doing so...  
  
Word Choice Error:  
Use A when the next word starts with a consonant, use AN when the next word starts with a vowel: ... to a isolated place - to an isolated place  
  
Summarize the concluding paragraph with a restatement of the topic, your opinion, and the reasons. Don't use just one run-on to explain your opinion. That is not the proper format for that paragraph and, it only shows half the required information for that section of writing.
## Writing task 2 - Education

  
  
Some people think that because some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy difficult they ought to be optional instead of compulsory.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree ?  
  
Answer:  
  
Up to now, education has always been a matter of social concern. Some people consider that several subjects like Maths and Philosophy should be optional in the children's study program because of their difficulty. While I accept that children should have a right to choose their favorite subjects, I still believe that Maths and philosophy are fundamental science subjects that every child needs to learn.  
  
On the one hand, studying compulsory subjects in schools can bring about some drawbacks. First, if children have to learn these subjects, they will find them time-consuming and ineffective. For example, students who are strong in literature or art, consider that knowledge of algebra is useless for their career in the future. Second, difficult subjects may create a negative studying environment. When children have to participate in such difficult lessons like Philosophy, they may sleep in class or even drop out of school. This may lead to more serious social problems such as video game addiction or a rise in the crime rate.  
  
On the other hand, Maths and Philosophy are basic science subjects which help to provide students with background knowledge. In terms of Maths, it helps children to develop vital skills such as calculation, analytical skill, logical thinking, problem-solving skill, and decision-making skill. It is obvious that people do find difficulties in paying their bills, calculating their time if they do not know how to calculate. When it comes to Philosophy, this subject brings children an overview of the natural world. In addition, through philosophy, children get knowledge about the relationship between human being and natural world as well as the rules that the nature world operates, which are essential in every aspect of their life  
  
To sum up, although studying Maths and Philosophy is essential for children in their life, children's choice for subjects that they learned should be considered