dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
I have never taken IELTS but I believe it's similar to TOEFL.  
Writings for these tests should be answer in a very structural way.  
You start with an introduction that states your position (whether you believe it is more advantageous or disadvantageous to have foreign language education in elementary schools) and reasons (as the prompt asks you to do). Basically you want to have a THESIS.  
  
Then you should have the same number of body paragraphs as your reasons. It is generally advised that you have three reasons and thus three body paragraphs. Now each body paragraph should have a topic sentence that states one of your reasons in more detail. Then you should have two or three sentences supporting your topic sentence. Here you are advised to either use logical reasoning or your personal experience (I suggest you write about your experiences because that's generally easier). After that, you want to close up your paragraph with a conclusion sentence that goes basically like this: because of this, I believe....  
  
At last, you want to have a conclusion. Here you will basically rewrite your introduction in a different way.  
Thus, you want to have add a thesis to your intro. Simply the conclusion you have right now to make it into a simple thesis.  
  
You have two reasons: 1. more jobs 2. better intercultural communication and thus more respect. So you need two body paragraphs.  
Your conclusion seems good. I wish you luck in IELTS!
Hi guys! I am preparing my IELTS test and want to improve my writing skills. I wonder if you would like to help me check the following essay. Thanks a lot!  
  
*In many places, new homes are needed, but the only space available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there.  
  
What is your opinion about this?*  
  
## the rise of urban expansion

  
  
As population of cities is growing and the demand of new homes has been increasing, it is inevitable that the cities are expanding outwards. Some people argue that the expansion of cities has caused huge damage to rural places so such expansion should be stopped. In my opinion, the development of rural places can be planned and managed better.  
  
Nowadays, over-centralization has induced lots of problems in big cities, such as traffic jam, high housing price, stressful working life. The use of the vacant space in countryside is able to release the burden of the cities tremendously. As people can build more houses and roads outside the cities, the density will reduce, which improves development of the cities and the living quality of residents. For example, a decentralized city likely has more city gardens and open area for citizens.  
  
Also, because more and more young people are relocating from the countryside to cities where they enjoy the convenience and abundant job opportunities, farms and houses in many rural countries have been abandoned. These areas can be redeveloped and become a part of the cities, such as warehouses, big shopping centers, organic farms, etc.  
  
However, it is undeniable that due to lack of planning, in some countries, the environment has been damaged. For instance, farms which used to provide fresh food to the cities now have been turned into living buildings. Meanwhile, some historical sites are disappearing and ruined by the overwhelming construction, which has been a tragedy which could have been avoided by better planning and protection.  
  
In conclusion, although urban expansion has lots of benefits, it should be well planned before development and under control as it is necessary to protect the countryside at the same time.
Kardy, is this essay meant for a Task 2 essay or a Direct Question essay? My review of your paper will depend upon the type of prompt that you were provided in the original presentation for the discussion. Based on a direct question approach, your opening paragraph is somewhat acceptable. Acceptable because you immediately responded to the prompt at the end of the paragraph, creating a strong thesis statement. Unacceptable because your opening paragraph does not accurately paraphrase the opening statement for the benefit of the reader. You have people arguing in your presentation when no such information can be found in the original prompt.  
  
As a task 2 essay, your opening paragraph is unacceptable because it includes a discussion of information not included in the original prompt (argument) and, it does not accurately sum up the discussion instruction you were given. A more appropriate Task 2 opening paragraph would have been:  
  
*There are areas where a need for new residential places cannot be avoided. Sadly, the only available space to build these homes happens to be in the country. This poses a problem because there is a sector of the general public that believes the provincial areas need to be protected rather than developed as a residential community. In this essay, I will be discussing my point of view regarding this topic.  
  
In my opinion, the development of rural places can be planned and managed better...*  
  
Note the accuracy by which I represented the elements of the original prompt. That is the whole purpose of the first paragraph of the Task 2 essay. While your body of paragraphs were appropriate, the TA mistake that you created in the first paragraph would have severely limited your score. Additionally, the concluding paragraph has a run-on sentence that violates the C&C ruling that requires a complete paragraph be created for each topic presentation so that an appropriate judgement of your C&C and GRA skills may be made. By using run-on sentences, you will severely lower your scores in these sections as well. Although, your LR score will be pretty decent because you should a grasp of intermediate English vocabulary which should help the reviewer better assess your English abilities in terms of written discussion presentation.
Hi Holt! Thank you very much for the advice! It's very useful.  
This is an IELTS writing task 2 essay. It's true that I am struggling in writing the open paragraph because I always want to have a simple one. Would you like to give me some suggestions about that?  
  
Also, for the conclusion, I am not quite clear about your explanation. Would you like to give me some examples please?  
I appreciate your time very much!
Marcin, since you are writing an opinion paper, you must include the title of the article, the source, the publication date, and the name of the author in your introduction. Otherwise, the reader will not have any idea what you are talking about. You have to introduce an overview of the article in relation to the objective of your opinion paper as well. Since the reader will most likely not have any access to the original article, a summarization of the original report prior to your opinion would make this opinion paper a bit stronger than it is now.  
  
In reference to the way that you are constantly posing questions in the essay and then answering the same, kindly limit that action on your part. Since this is an opinion paper, you need to present all discussions in a matter - of - fact manner rather than a question and answer format. This is because you are required to sound authoritative in the paper and using anything other than a direct response to specific elements of the previous report tends to lessen the impact of your opinion. By the way, please don't use exclamation points in your presentation. This is still an academic paper and should respect the reader at all times. Don't shout because that is not required. Keep an academic and respectful tone at all times.  
  
Overall though, you did a pretty good job in developing your opinion paper. Sure, there were some grammar errors , such as you having used the term passive when it should have been passively. These are negligible because it did not affect the direct meaning of the sentence or paragraph. You have a pretty good grasp of English language usage so your errors in vocabulary and sentence structure are minimal enough to be ignored. Good job.
Thank you very much for your answer. And thank you for your review!  
I gave the link of the article, but you're right, I'm going to summarize it:  
Tom Cary was at a party during a nice afternoon. He met Dave, had a conversation with him until Dave had to leave to watch a match. Which match? A match of Call Of Duty, a video game.  
  
Then, Tom Cary talks about this new phenomenon called "e-sport": people are being payed to play to video games, like sport professionals are to play to football/basketball. Tom says this is "scary" because it isolates people, he also talks about this astonishing growing of this phenomenon. He find it scary knowing the obesity rate and the vanishing municipal facilities.  
  
My work has to look like an editorial more than a traditional academic writing.  
So, in your opinion, I should use less "question/answer". But, should I explain further my arguments, or were them clear enough?  
  
And please, could you tell me every mistake I made? I want to correct them, and not to do them again.  
Do you have any style recommendation?  
  
I'm also new to this forum, so I wonder whether I should improve my work and send a "version 2"?
## writing a letter to a family in new zealand

  
  
You are going to visit New Zealand for an English and Homestay programme. You have just received details of your homestay host family. In your letter:  
  
- Introduce yourself  
- Ask the family some questions to get information that is important to you  
- Tell the family about your arrival date and time  
  
Dear Doe,  
  
I am thrilled by the warm welcome letter from you two days ago. Thank you for letting me stay at your place where I can experience the true local lifestyle. It would be unfriendly if I don't write back a letter to introduce myself to you and your family. I am 24 years old student who studies at the University of Hong Kong. I am grateful that my professor had encouraged me to visit other countries to gain more remarkable experience as my life journey goes forth.  
  
As I chose to come to New Zealand with the programme of 'English and Homestay', I was very excited and at the same time, I came up with many questions regarding the weather condition and living cost in my mind so I hope you can clear my doubts. I heard that the weather in Willington is unpredictable so do you think I should bring more clothes for my eight-week stay? I also wonder the expenditure on foods and transportation in approximation as I need to budget my money for a conversion before I arrive.  
  
The arrival of my flight is 18th December next month. The duration of seven hours flying over the Pacific ocean would allow me to sleep before the plane lands at noon. If you can tell me a better way to get to your house from the airport besides taxi, it would be great too.  
  
Thank you again and I look forward to your reply.  
  
All the best,  
  
SG  
  
It is much appreciated if you can score my letter. Thank you.
SG, I think you have a 5.5-6 letter here. You covered all of the bases in terms of representing the instructions you were provided. The letter was informative, casual, and easy on the eyes. Sure you had a few grammar and sentence structure missteps along the way which affected the final scoring consideration. It still did not diminish the effectiveness of what you wrote. Another problem with the letter is that you wrote 251 words when the advisable word count for this 20 minute test is no more than 200 words, no less than 150. This is another reason why I had to reduce the score of your essay. The reason you went overboard with the word count is because you used too many words in the opening statement. A simple opening salutation, then a single sentence acknowledging their letter would have been more than sufficient. When you are under a word and time limit, you need to make sure to keep everything about the presentation short but informative.
Adil, you must remove the dialogue at the start of the motivation letter. This is a formal letter requesting for the consideration of your motivations in relation to your application for admission to the course. This is not a creative writing exercise for a narrative story. You are dealing with professors and graduates of the program who are considering your ability to conduct yourself in a professional manner. So the opening method you chose, though attention getting, is inappropriate for the audience that the essay will be presented to. It would be in the best interest of your letter if you revise the letter by using only the most relevant parts because this current version is a mix of a personal statement, a motivation letter, and an SOP. You need to present only the motivation parts. Your clearest motivation is the scenario that you presented with the dialogue. Revise that into an explanatory statement instead that goes something like this:  
  
*During my time working as XX as a XXX, I came across a situation wherein I XXX. This motivated my interest in XXX...  
  
My motivation led me to read the authoritative works of the economic masters such as .... I found that I still thirsted for more knowledge in the field of... and this led me to the EMLE program at XXX*  
  
From that point, you can describe what parts of the program appeal to you the most and why. These would be best represented by the following:  
  
*I would like to follow the Track on Corporations and Regulators ... regulation of Financial Markets.  
  
At Schlumberger, I realized ...go on learning Polish.*  
  
Try to develop the portion about the international experience brought by studying in a new country each semester. That is a mere passing mention in your motivation letter when it should be one of the driving forces behind your motivation to attend this program.
**Nowadays we are producing more and more rubbish. Why do you think this is happening? What can government do to help reduce the amount of rubbish produced?  
  
Give reason for your answer**  
  
## Waste production on rise

  
  
There is no doubt that today every individual is generating lot of waste material. This is a huge concern for the society. There are many things because of that this is happening. I will explain the problem in detail in subsequent paragraph and also suggest few solutions which the government should implement to reduce the problem.  
  
Plastic bags are the most common material which is used by every individual and once it is used they throw it in the garbage. This is because more than 50 percent of the waste are the plastic bags. For example, recently one of the news agencies in USA wrote an article on waste management and observed that amount of plastic waste generated in a month is 100 kilos. Furthermore, people who collect the garbages from individuals home, they burn the plastic bags as a consequence of this poisonous gases pollute the environment. The Government should introduce the strict policies to ban the plastic bags and if it is found that, any individual or retail outlets using it, should be fine.  
  
Food is also the excessive part of rubbish these days. The reason for this is people instead of utilizing overnight remaining food they throw it into the dustbin. For instance, my neighbour daily cooks food in excess and every morning, I see them throwing food into the waste. This issue could be resolve if people either cook only required food or they feed the excessive remaining food to the beggars or to the pet who can eat. The government can also introduce the scheme which will control the wastage of food. As a result of this there will be less garbage produced.  
  
In conclusion, there is a clear evidence that we are giving rise to lot of waste material and the problem is surmountable if few steps are followed strictly and the government should also introduce policies which will help in reduce the waste generating.
I'm not the best at English, but I corrected everything I could. I may have missed a few things.  
  
"... every individual is generating lot of waste material"  
Up to you, but I would change the wording in this opening sentence to something like, "There is no doubt that today the waste material humanity is generating cannot be eternally contained  
  
Subsequent *paragraphs*  
  
... common material ~~which is~~  used by ...  
  
Once they are used, they are often thrown in the garbage which adds to the trash problem.  
  
... they burn the plastic bags ## .

  
As a consequence ...  
  
... introduce  ~~the~~  strict policies to ban ~~the~~  plastic bags ...  
  
... an excessive part ...  
  
This issue could be resolved if people only cooked, required food, or they fed the ... food to ~~the~~ beggars, pets, or anything that could eat it.  
  
As a result,  
  
~~a~~ clear, insurmountable  
  
If we follow these steps and the government introduces policy
Tanmay, this is not a direct question essay therefore your opening paragraph presentation is not appropriate as you immediately started the discussion in that paragraph when you were not supposed to. In a Task 2 essay, of which this is, you are only to present the thesis statement and discussion instruction, along with the paraphrased topic for discussion the opening paragraph, without any additional information. Therefore, the presentation should have been:  
  
*Over the past recent days, it appears that man has been creating more garbage. I believe that there is a reason for this occurrence and that the bureaucracy can do something about this problem. In this essay, I will discuss a number of reasons as to why this is happening and how it can be possibly resolved.*  
  
One of the main reasons that you will run out of time to write this type of essay in the actual test center is because you are training yourself to use researched information in your paper. Do not use researched information during your practice test because there is no internet access at the testing center so you will not be able to look for additional information for your discussion. Rely only upon what you know, understand, and have experienced regarding the question posed.  
  
There are no right or wrong answers in this essay which is why you do not need to do research. You merely need to defend your stance in English in the best way that you know how. The aim of this test is to prove that you can write in coherent English, nothing more, nothing less. So just aim for an understandable paper rather than an information accurate paper.  
  
The essay should also cover a complete 5 paragraph presentation as that is the standard format for this paper. You should also avoid continuing the discussion of the essay in the conclusion because the reasons and evidence should only be within the 3 body paragraphs. The last paragraph is the summation of your discussion and closing of the essay. When you discuss information in the closing paragraph, you present an open ended essay which means your discussion format is wrong and you have no closing statement for the essay so you will lose points for that as well.
I would like to point out some your grammatical mistakes and give you some recommendations to polish up your essay.  
First of all, try to avoid utilizing words such as there is/there are, a lot of, have, and others because they render your less formal, so try to start off your sentences with something else.  
  
Secondly, try to write 5 sentences per paragraph.  
  
As for grammar mistakes,  
... also suggest a few solutions ...  
  
... which will help inreduce the waste generation.
Dear Tanmay, in WT2 there can be a few types of essays: this one is clearly a Reason (Why?) - Solution (What to do?) type of the essay. Here are some of my tips, rather than corrections of the grammar.  
  
1. Aim for 4 to 5 paragraphs in total (2 being for introduction and conclusion and 2 or 3 body paragraphs).  
2. What I do for introduction is to look for the prompt and add a thought on what is not to be covered in the Main body paragraphs. Here the prompt asks you Why? and What to do? You could add a sentence in the introduction on What are the consequences? E.g. If not addressed by the government, tons of garbage may threaten the existence not only of animals and plants, but also the mankind. Doing this will earn you a sentence where you can show some vocabulary.  
  
3. I try to group reasons, consequences as a basis for a paragraph into following generally accepted categories: economic, social, political, environmental etc. This would sound especially good at Academic Module. You named only materials that lead to increase in waste generation. While the first one is the problem of the material itself, the other one may be looked at as a matter of human behavior.  
  
4. Aim to have at least 3 sentences in each body paragraph. A useful formula to follow is: A + E + E: Argument (Idea) + Explanation + Example.  
  
E.g. I believe that human eating habits contribute to increased production of waste all over the world. More and more people prefer fast-food as their meal during lunchtime. It is an evident fact that fast-industry generates and uses a lot of single-use items in their activities such as plastic glasses, spoons and boxes. For example, I always see tons of garbage lying around the most popular quick-lunch cafes in my town. As a solution the government may obligate every fast-food restaurant to send all their plastic wastes to a recycling factory or promote traditional restaurants that do not use plastic ware.  
  
5. I suggest using your own experience to support your ideas. Personal stories, stories of your friends, colleagues etc.  
6. The conclusion is a summary of your thoughts and should not include new ideas or statements.  
  
I hope you find this helpful.
Hi Tanmay, the closing paragraph is for you to wrap up all of your supporting points that you have made previously in the essay so now I would like to write you a concluding paragraph for your reference.  
  
To conclude, excessive food waste have been made by families over the years. As well as the enormous amounts of plastic waste that come from people are rendering our natural environment to suffer irreversibly harmful gases across the globe. Therefore, the government ought to impose various laws in diminishing the waste that people create.  
  
Hope that helps.