dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Some people think that strict punishment for driving offenses are the key to reduce traffic accidents. Other, however, believe that other measures could be more effective in improving road safety.  
  
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.**  
  
## serious law enforcement for reckless drivers

  
  
It is common believe that traffic lawbreakers should be sentenced to severe punishment is preferred solution to answer the high rank of traffic accidents. While other though said that constructing enchanted infrastructures to improve physical safety of road should exceed more positive impacts. I personally believe that bold decision to make proper punishment would be better to overcome this issue.  
  
It is general for highway to be equipped by traffic tools to ensure users are comfort and safe. For instance, it is an obligation for local authority providing sufficient numbers of traffic signs particularly in area where it has more risk to crash to occur. Those would be very helpful for public to be noticed when they are spotted in right place. In contrast, the warnings should cost much expense of budget while it continues to use in future because high numbers of signs do not identically reflect the success of traffic accidents reducing.  
  
On the other hand, user's attitude and behaviour would impact more benefits through serious law enforcement. This kind of measure could be executed by officers to sentence the offenders with equal punishment with no exception from all of groups. Furthermore, it would educate people to understand how essential the law is in daily life where it should accidentally build the sense of law awareness. When the awareness are maintaining, preferable attitude in driving would be being part of habitual tradition. Thus, citizens may contribute to create a harmony to each other and to lead a firm obedience of official rules.  
  
To sum up, traffic rules breaking which causes more accidents should be tackled by firmly practical regulation for those who offend. It is cost-effective and most suitable to vouch the rules would be obeyed by public.
Muhammad, the English sentence structure of the essay is not very good. It usually confuses the reader while reading due to the improper sentence structure and grammar use. The lexical resource is also a problem in this essay because you are using words such as "enchanted infrastructures" which does not make sense because there are no "magical" roads in real life. So using that term is wrong and shows that you have a very poor grasp of the English language, the word meaning, and proper usage. All of which will combine to create a dismal score of 4 in the overall bandwidth considerations. An additional problem of your essay is that, although you presented a personal opinion in the opening statement, you did not discuss the reasons behind your personal opinion within the essay itself. All you did was discuss both sides of the topic, which is a partial fulfillment of the prompt requirements. The final part, the one that requires you to discuss your opinion, was not represented in your writing. Due to these numerous problems with your essay, the score cannot be higher than the 4 that I indicated above.  
  
You need to familiarize yourself with the meaning of various English words and its usage in sentences. While you cannot memorize the English dictionary for this purpose, you should at least make an attempt to improve your writing abilities by reading other English essays, English newspaper articles / books / comic books. I suggest reading more comic books in English because the illustration of the situation normally explains the sentence in the dialogue bubble. Thus making it easier for you to understand the sentence meaning, how it was structured, and how the keywords were used in the sentence. These are the problems with your essay that can easily be improved upon through the practice of reading illustrated English material.
Please comment, check, and correct my Grammar dan Vocabulary ^^  
  
## a near future for graduated students

  
  
The diagram indicates the number of destination of UK graduation and postgraduation in 2008, in this case full - time work people are excluded.  
Categories of Further study was the highest popular destination of UK graduation and postgraduation, with 29.665 people for graduation level and 2.725 people for postgraduation level. For all other categories, part time are the second highest of destination of UK graduation and postgraduation. Graduation level reached more than postgraduation level with estimate to 17.735 people compared with 2.535 people.  
  
Unemployement people were approximately twice as high as people who take further study for both levels. Unemployement people of graduation level are over 15.000 people as opposed to postgraduation level who numbered over 1.500 people.  
  
Finally, the figures demontrated that between graduation level and postgraduation most prefer to take further study. Also, Part time were biggest choice among graduation and post graduation level in UK. However, a fraction of both levels take voluntary work eventhough the number of unemployment is higher than people who take voluntary work.
Nindy, next time you post your essay, please make sure to include the illustration for my reference. I do not have the ability to confirm the validity of the information in your presentation without it. It will be impossible to accurately score your work as well due to the lack of base points for consideration. With regards to your essay, I can only comment on the formatting style because that is what I can see and rate without the need for the graph.  
  
Your writing style inconsistent. All of your paragraphs must have at least 3, but no more than 5 sentences per paragraph. That is the requirement that can allow you to properly summarize the illustration you were provided and also, offer a clear explanation of the information to the reader. Note that your essay does not have a consistent discussion based upon the sentence requirement.  
  
You were neglectful of the sentence formatting requirements in this essay. Only the first word of every sentence, as well as the indication of proper nouns must be capitalized. Your work carries misplaced capitalized words or words that are not at the beginning of the sentence and do not qualify as proper nouns within certain paragraphs and sentences.  
  
Make sure that you space your paragraphs properly. Paragraphs 1 and 2 are not accurately separated and that such, looks like you did not proof read your essay before submission. Perhaps you meant to include the second paragraph with the first part of the essay?  
  
All of the problem points that I have pointed out here have a direct effect on your final score. So make sure to avoid these problems next time.
Hello Nindy,  
Overall, it is good writing but I have several notes for you.  
1. You should better to post the graph you described. It will make peer-review much clear and easy to understand.  
2. Grammar errors and misspellings frequently are found so that it is so disrupted point from GRA and lexical resourse.  
For instance :  
- **Categories** of Further study **was** the highest popular = improper subject verb agreement  
- **part time** **are** the second highest = improper subject verb agreement ; time scale should be considered  
- people who **take** further study = time scale should be considered  
- Unemployement people of graduation level **are** over 15.000 people = time scale should be considered  
- ~~demontrated~~ = demonstrated  
- **Finally** = It is not common to start conclusion paragraph. Best to try to sum up, to conclude, in summary, etc  
- **graduation level and postgraduation most prefer to take further study** = it has no verb in this sentence  
- with **estimate** to 17.735 = estimation of  
- **Unemployement** people = unemployed people \*unemployement belong to noun category  
  
3. I assume you performed inconsistent manner of writing style that shows randomly systematic order such unequall number of sentences in body paragraphs  
  
4. Repition occured much time in several parts such as graduation, postgraduation, people. Just try to make variation with different group of classes for example graduate, students, workers etc.  
  
5. You used rarely linking words to each paragraph. It makes your writing doesn't look natural. So next time you wish to write an essay, do not hesitate to put them such as moreover, furthermore, however, in contrast, etc. Many accurate use of those words, it drive to increase cohession, one of four criteria assesments in IELTS test.
Please comment, I need your correction on my writing. Thank you very much.  
  
## community schools and their students

  
  
The table illustrates the percentage of students who studied at four types of secondary schools over a period of ten years.  
  
Overall, community schools welcomed more and more pupils from 2000 to 2009. In contrast, the increasre was a reduction in the number of students in other secondary schools.  
  
There was a swift increase in the quantity of students attending community schools between 2000 and 2009. In 2000, only 12% of teenagers were educated at these schools, and five years later almost a third of them took courses here. It is interesting to mention that the proportion of learners jumped nearly five times in 2009.  
  
In comparison with community schools, there was a mild fall in the total of schoolchilds in specialist schools although both of these schools started at the same level, at 12%. From 2000 to 2009, the quantity of pupils that talented secondary schools received declined by 1%. Others such as grammar schools and voluntary-controlled schools took a significant decrease in the total of children. Twice as many adolesents were taught at grammar schools in 2000 compared to 2009. The figure for voluntary-controlled ones also fell by 18% at the same stage.  
  
*
Anh, the main problem with your opening statement is that it does not really tell me what to expect in the upcoming discussion. As an outline, your essay is not effective because it doesn't immediately represent the types of schools to be compared, the years of comparison, and the sort of information that you will be presenting (e.g. a comparison of data, and presentation of main features). All of these elements need to be presented at the start in order to create a proper discussion outline, which will prove that you understood the instructions and that you have the ability to create a chronological discussion of the facts in the succeeding paragraphs. Doing so would have provided you with an increased Task Accuracy score.  
  
While you will not score highly in the lexical considerations of your writing due to misspelled words and the simplicity of your discussion, you did a good job of comparing the immediate information. However, your GRA will take hits because of the way you misspelled words, did not really develop proper sentence structures, and lacked in complex sentence usage. Overall, this is a 5 band score essay. A deeper analysis of the provided information and use of more and better developed complex sentences would have increased your score to possibly a 6.
***Hi Anh**, I have seen your writing closely and found a few improvements. Please, you meet my notes and deal with them.  
For your paragraph structure, I think this is enough good. However, you should merge between your overview and paraphrase of the question in a paragraph. Keep in your mind that the good paragraph is expected to have at least three sentences. Following that, your problem in this writing is that you played safely. I meant you only describe the data separately without comparisons. Actually, candidates of IELTS are asked to compare figures, not to describe separately. You cannot get a high score if you do not do that because it is one of given prompts in the writing task 1. You are supposed t make your data more various. Those are displayed generally in the percentage, whereas you can convert to fraction form and use to compare other figures. Besides, be careful of misspellings. Well, that is a minor error, but if you do more, it can reduce your score.  
  
Hopefully, those can help you for finalizing this*
Hello Phanh,  
it is typical essay for IELTS writing task 1. Overall, it is good but I have several notes for you.  
1. I think that it is misundestood of this kind of table given. The table was about countinued time scale in which is from 2000 up to 2009. For this case, IELTS candidates are asked to perform a written trend or change occured within this period. Thus, it should be explained as which part had greatest change and part had experienced the most increased achievement above all. 'Overall paragraph' should cover both of them.  
  
2. Grammar errors and misspellings frequently are found so that it is so disrupted point from GRA and lexical resourse.  
For instance :  
 ~~increasre~~ = increase  
~~schoolchilds~~ = schoolchildren  
a ~~swift~~ increase = a slight increase  
~~quantity~~ of students = a number of students \*quantify belong to verb category  
~~declined~~ = decline \*declined belong to verb category  
  
3. All unit of measurements should be mention in body paragraphs. In that essay, 2005 didn't included.  
  
I wish it would help you to improve your writing skill
Fabia, you can actually lengthen the content of your essay if you continue to respond to the questions that you posed within your thesis statement. Vary your response by including information gained from the experience of vegetarianism or vegan practitioners in your research. Connect their experience with the research that you came across. More importantly. Don't just focus on creating a supportive research. A supportive research is useless if you do not try to debunk the myths or popular beliefs about the negative effects of vegetarianism and veganism. In order to create a solid foundation for your claim about the benefits of the other 2 alternative food sources, you have to first prove that the popular negative beliefs or bad publicity connected to the belief does not tally with the results of actual research and the experience of the alternative food practitioners. Adding these 2 discussions to your essay will create a more cohesive discussion, a more interesting thesis statement, and also, create more informed readers of your research all the while adding to your length and relevant research content.
## Low land productivity and it's influence on region

  
  
The pie chart below displays the primary reasons behind low productivity of agriculture land while the table manifests how 3 regions of the world are impacted by these causes through 1990s.  
  
It is noticeable from the pie chart that there were three main reasons behind land degradation, deforestation; over-cultivation; over-grazing. However, all of the mentioned factors contributed nearly with equal percentage. On the other hand, Europe has obviously suffered the most from land degradation while North America experienced the least with mentioned factors affected them in in various percentages.  
  
Land degradation in 1990s was mainly a result of three different factors; deforestation; over-cultivation and over-grazing, yet these 3 factors contributed almost equally in degrading lands. To enumerate, over- grazing ranked 1st with the percentage of 35; deforestation was the 2nd with 30% value; over-cultivation with 28% and other insignificant minor causes with 7%.  
  
In the light of these different factors, many places has been affected. Europe was the most place that suffered from land degradation with a total land degradation of 23% mainly due to deforestation 9.8%. On the contrary, North America experienced the least with 5% of its land suffered from degradation as a result of over cultivation 3.3% . However, Oceania, a large group of islands in the South Pacific including Australia and New Zealand, had no over-cultivation on its land but the total land degraded was 13% .  
  
*
Hadeel, you must avoid redundancies of information in your essays. Your irst 2 paragraphs contain the same information in the first half. I think this is caused by your lack of familiarity with the information presented in the pie chart and the data chart. Your overview summary int he first paragraph is also lacking information. You should have divided the topic outline into 3 full sentences covering the types of degradation and the countries that were indicated in the chart. That would have given the overview a more complete feel and allowed your properly outline the discussion and instructions provided in the original instructions.  
  
Since your comparison sequence covered 3 different countries, the more proper format for your essay would have been to allow a discussion per country, of the related information, within the same paragraph. So you could have written a total of 5 paragraphs covering the summary, the worldwide comparison, then the percentage per country. This would have allowed for a more accurate and related comparison of information within the essay.  
  
Due to the redundancies in the presentation, a lack of cohesiveness and coherence in your discussion, and stress that your information presentation put on the reader, I do not think you can receive a score higher than a 4 for this practice test.
Future of students after finishing their study  
  
Ps. Please comment, I need your kindly correction of my grammar and vocabulary on my essay. Thank you. :)  
  
The diagrams below ilustrate the destination of UK graduate and postgraduate scholars who did not work full-time after graduating from the university in 2008.  
  
In United Kingdom, the greatest destination both of graduate and postgraduate students after they graduated is studying at higher education, either master's program or doctorate program. While working part-time and employment destination had similar numbers which together ranked middle.  
  
The lowest destination which displayed in the graph is volunteering in work place. It is having similar at figure 1 and 2 that compared in number of scholars. It has small numbers which dramatically stands last. Since, graduate and postgraduate students in UK is not likely to be volunteer, a work without unclear salary, neither high nor low.  
  
To sum up, there is no significant different destination excluding full-time work in UK after graduate and postgraduate students left the university, both of them chose to continue their study than the other destination.  
  
* 
*
Farinda, I normally score the essays presented for review for the students, but in the case of first time participants, such as yourself, I do not give a score because I want to call your attention to the method by which you can improve your writing style and thus, improve your final, overall score as well. Let me get started with the first paragraph.  
  
Your first paragraph, is the overview statement. This is the paragraph that calls for your to summarize the topic for discussion, the method of discussion, and other key elements of the essay in an outline form. You are not supposed to present any pertinent discussions in this aspect of the essay yet. Now, the problem with the summary that you wrote, is that it does not cover the complete information presentation per chart. These presentations need to be done as a full sentences instead of a summarized presentation. This is because of the required 3-5 sentence per paragraph requirement of the essay. Any paragraph shorter than 3 sentences will be given a marked down score.  
  
You were provided with 3 charts for discussion. Therefore, each chart content should have been represented in a single paragraph. Each paragraph should successfully compare, contrast, and present the information for each section indicated within the chart. This will create a solid and proper discussion that will be considered highly informative by the reviewer.  
  
As for the concluding sentence, you will need to increase that by a few sentences in order to create the proper format for the presentation. Your actual discussion is acceptable. It is just that you missed a few important formatting requirements and information in the overall presentation. If you manage to avoid the same problems in the next practice essay, I can accurately score and offer you additional advice then.
hi there..., I have perused your writing report more closely, then I think some areas for improvement in terms of TA, CC, LR & GRA should be taken into consideration.  
  
The diagrams below ilustrate the destination of UK graduate and postgraduate scholars who did not work full-time after graduating from the university in 2008.  
As seen, the input material is directly copied as an introduction to this response. This is deducted your score as such a way is not counted and so loses marks in terms of TA  
  
To earn a good score in this part, it is your task to compare and contrast the data shown by using both languages of comparison and change. Not only this, you need to present a very clear overview, covering what is being discussed in the following body paragraphs.  
  
When it comes to communicative quality, it is always good to learn paragraph skills. Such skills help you organize every paragraph you construct more appropriately. As it can be seen from your report written, the paragraphs used are in adequate, and therefore this will send you to gain score lower in CC.  
  
In this writing task 1, I did not see any less common vocabulary. Fyi, you will be tested on how to use sophisticated lexical items. In my place, English Studio Kampung Inggris Pare, I am more likely to foster an interest in uncommon ones in my IELTS students by reading more sample answers as I thoroughly believe that If students can use this with rare minor errors, then such a score will pass with flying colors.  
  
Use past, rather than present, as this data based the graph taken from 2008. If you cannot use correct tense in this report, then this will distort the meaning. Remember that.  
  
Hope this helps :D