dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.***  
  
Travelling and working before continuing to study after graduating from secondary school for students are constructive activity. However, doing these activities during leisure time has pros and cons. In my view, I believe that going to work or travel are the best way to enrich the experience of adolescents.  
  
Being independent after pass from high school is the desire of every tanager. Several youth tend to work for a year before entering to collage owing to the fact that they can get a lot of experience from this activity. Furthermore, the student can learn how to solve problem in real live and how to work under pressure. However, in university, students should survive in every situation and condition until they can finish their study. In addition, by working, the youth can earn money, and also they can save it to fund their study in university. It makes them to not depend on their parent. On one hand, final examination has made student to be stressful. They need to refresh their mind before continue their study. Meanwhile, by travelling, students can relax and get a lot of knowledge about these place and reality live.  
  
On the other side, working and travelling during this leisure time can make student lazy to study and prepare their future live in university. However, subjects in university are totally difference with their study before, so students should prepare it. Nerveless, the youth have not much time due to working.  
  
In conclusion, working and travelling in that moment give beneficial effect for students. However, drawbacks of these activities just depend on their self and how student manage their time especially to study and work.
Hi miss @Pramudia27, I just have few corrections for you :)  
  
... is the desire of every ~~tanager~~ =>TEENAGER. Several ~~youth~~ =>YOUTHS tend to (...) entering to ~~collage~~ => COLLEGE owing to the fact that they ...  
  
... learn how to solve THE problem in real live=>LIFE and how to work under pressure.  
  
**keep writing :) good luck :**)
**In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.  
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.**  
  
Students who have finished their study in Senior High School are encouraged to not directly continue their studies but they have to work or travel for a year in certain countries. There is the advantages they can get, many experiences even money from that. However, the drawback is they will have diffilculty when start to study again after this long pause.  
  
Having job to earn money or travel around the world after graduated from senior high school has own benefits for young people. They can get precious experience which they never had before. Taking Chelsea Olivia, an Indonesia artist as an example. She decided to break for her study after graduated from senior high school to focus on carrier. As a result, she got many jobs for shooting in some movies, commercials, and also got opportunity as a member of singer group. She earned much money from that and she rich with new experiences.  
  
On the other hand, there is the disadvantage when people choose this way. It is because they will feel hard to start study and their motivation to learn will decrease. The most of them more likely to continue their job than comeback to university. The same instance, Chelsea Olivia. Firstly, she wanted only a year for pause from her study. Yet, after she passed that year, she told to public that she cancel her study again because she still busy on her job as an artist. Lastly, until now, she looks like hard to leave her job for study.  
  
To sum up, people can choose to directly continue their study or pause for work or travel for a year. Besides they will have many experiences from the second option, they also have the drawback because it will feel hard to continue their study after this long break.
Here are some comment on grammatical errors.  
  
Students who ~~have finished their study~~ have ccompleted high school ...  
  
# Always try to as much as possible not to repeat the words in your topic question, as I understand this is one of the essays for IELTS writing test.  
  
Secondly, start each paragraph with a topic sentence that will be developed in the next 2 to 3 sentences.  
  
The words 'besides' in your concluding paragraph is not appropriate. Because the latter statement is not buttressing the former. Hence, I suggest you used the word 'However' which introduces the contrast between your initial statement and final one.  
  
I hope this helps.  
  
Good luck!
***In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.***  
  
In some states, after the teenagers finished their high school, they are suggested to find jobs or make their own journey about one year before entering college. It will bring some pros and cons based on their needs. However, I argue that both advantages and disadvantages are equal related to their needs and conditions.  
  
Every people should have their own life plan, and it will decide our step after passed high school. When young people have plan to work in the field activity such as mechanics, machine expertise, entrepreneur, it is recommended to them for working before they study in university. It will bring some advantages like experienced, knowledgeable to the real condition, even they can know what things that must be learn in the University that will be support in their work. However, a drawback that usually occur is they maybe feel lazy to study because they already get money. This phenomenon frequently happens to some of the young that already get money and finally they refuse to continue their education.  
  
Otherwise, if the juvenile has intention to become someone who work in the laboratory, medicine, politics, education organization that need more literacy than practical, they must directly starting their studies in university after they pass national examination in Higher School, because faster is better. I think it will bring many benefit for supporting their future career, such as they can get bachelor degree in the early age, even continue their study to master until doctoral program. For this decision, in my opinion there is no negative effect.  
  
To sum up, every decision has their own consequence. Both work or travel and directly study in university are good choice for young people since it related to their life plan and real needs.
The line chart displays the number of commodities transported in United Kingdom from 1984 to 2002 using various kinds of transportation method in million tones. Overall, over 28 years, the trend of each kind was tended to be stable and increased slightly and also most of people like to use Road, otherwise look like they used pipeline in a few times.  
  
It can be seen that Road placed as the highest among all almost 30 years. Started at about 70% in 1974, then grew moderately until reached a little below 100. In contrast, pipeline lied in the lowest position that set about 5 in 1974 then went upward marginally to above 20.  
  
Besides that, in the first year, between rail and water have very small difference, 40 and a slight below 40. However, in 1978, both of them have the similar amount at 40, and after that water become higher than Rail until 2002, 65 and 42 respectively.  
  
*
**Hi Faiz..  
These are my thoughts towards your writing.**  
  
I suggest you add words when you work wiring task 1. You should write 170-180 words in the writing task 1.  
  
Overall, over 28 years, the trend of each kind was tended...  
*You should bear your overview in the reality. Don't make multi-interpretations. I am gonna give you the example of overview for that matter.*  
*"Overall, it is important to note that commodities carried through the road were the highest proportion in the whole period, while the pipeline was another alternative track to bear the lowest rate of products.In any case, transports by using the water overtook the position of the rail transport in the percentage of products carried."*  
  
70% in 1974  
about 5 in 1974  
*Honestly, you make major mistake. You did not mention the number of quantity. Unfortunately, there should be tons, but you convert to the percentage.  
Almost the data did not include the information about the ton.  
Please, pay attention to this matter.*
1. be careful for write a country that need article "the" such as the UK, and the US  
  
... commodities transported in (the) United Kingdom ...  
  
2. besides is a preposition, i think it shouldn't write with determiner "that"  
  
Besides ~~that~~ , in the first year, (...) very small difference, (at) 40 and ...  
..., and after that, [comma] water become higher (...) 2002, (at) 65 and 42 respectively.  
  
3. be careful to mention the percentage in your essay because, so should mention information from the data such as the number of quantity. i think better you mention other important data  
  
Started at about *70%* in 1974, then grew ...  
  
good luck
**The graph above shows the quantities of goods transported in the UK between 1974 and 2002 by four different modes of transport.**  
  
The line graph gives the information about the number of the equipment transported in the UK. The data covers from 1974 to 2002 by different type of transport and it measured by million tonnes. Overall, it can be seen that over twenty eight-years period there were fluctuation number of types of transportation in the UK.  
  
In 1974, for each types of transportation s was started at different number. The greatest number of equipment delivered was road at 70 and the lowest number of equipment was pipeline at 5. Water and rail almost have same start point, but the number of rail was bigger a bit than water at 40 and 39 respectively. In 1978, both of road and water increased slightly by one million tonnes for each kinds of transport. Besides, pipeline and rail were steady at started point.  
  
Between 1982 and 1994, we could see that the train of line graph for each types of transport was steady where the pipeline at 17, the rail at 30, the water at 60, the road at 70. From 1998 to 2002, there were a gradual increased in the number of water, road, pipeline to 65, 95, and 42 particularly. But, the number of pipeline was steady at above 20 million tonnes.
The line graph gives ~~the~~ information about the ...  
~~The~~ data covers (...) type of transport**,** and it measured ...  
  
... types of transportation  s was started ...  
... delivered was road at 70 **,**and the lowest number ...  
  
... to 2002, there ~~were~~was a gradual increased in...  
~~But~~nerverless [but => conjuction , the number of ...  
  
hello willy  
may, you should attach the graph owing to the fact that other people do not know about data that you mean  
remember that "and" has 2 function, as junction and paralel stucture. as conjuction ==> sentence +,+and+sentence  
overall, your writing is good.. good job.. break a leg
Hello wily.  
actually your essay is pretty good. but i will give you some suggestions for your writing  
  
1. be careful of your sentence. i think you should add comma in this sentence  
... could see that the ~~train~~ (trend) of line graph for (...) the water at 60, (and) the road at 70.  
... each types of transportation ~~s~~ was started ...  
... there were (a) fluctuation number of types ...  
...of transport was steady ~~where~~ which is the ...  
From 1998 to 2002, there ~~were~~ was a gradual increased ...
hi, tika here are my thoughts  
  
... over twenty-eight-years ~~period~~**periods** there were fluctuation ...  
  
In 1974, for each ~~types~~ type of ~~transportations~~**transportation** was started ...  
*each/every + singular noun*  
  
Water and rail almost have **the** same start (...) number of ~~rail~~**rails** was bigger a bit ...  
  
... tonnes for each ~~kinds~~**kind** of transport.  
  
... of line graph for each ~~types~~**type** of transport ...  
  
there were a gradual ~~increased~~ increase in the ...  
*increased is a verb. noun form is increase*
**In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.**  
  
Writing Task 2  
  
Over the time, some teenagers in many parts of the world have decided to spend time for a year between graduating high school and starting new stage at university to find a job or visit other place. I would firmly agree that there are some advantages and disadvantages towards young people.  
  
With regards to some adolescents who agree with the notion, they generally believe that find as much experience as you were still young is the most essential part. It is because they have much energy and much time to explore new experience. For example, according to a publication from cambridge university in 2010, 68% of juveniles, who decided to take practical work after finishing high school, were more confident than others to decide the field of study in University. As a result, they porobably more succesful than other students. Another good point is adolescents enable to make friends through their journey. The reason is people aged 18-20 have the best period to develop theur social skills to interact with each other based on a journal from Standford University. As a result, they have many friends who have different background and cultures.  
  
On the other hand, there is also a demerit which exists from the notion. Young people will have different starting time with other friends due to their choice to delay entering university. For instance, they migh meet juniors in high school as their classmates. As a consequence, they will receive a degree from university longer than people on their age.  
  
In conclusion, the benefit of find a vacancy or sightseeing popular place after graduating high school is greater than its drawback. Althouh juveniles have different period of graduation with people on their age, they have more experiences and friends than other. (293 words)
...as much experience as when you were still ...  
... to a publication from ~~cambridge~~Cambridge university in 2010...  
As a result, they ~~porobably~~probably more ~~succesful~~successful than other students.  
The reason is people in the aged 18-20 (...) to develop ~~theur~~their social skills to interact ...  
... have many friends ~~who have~~from different background and cultures.  
  
For instance, they ~~migh~~might meet juniors in high ...  
... longer than people ~~on~~in their age.  
  
~~Althouh~~Although juveniles have (...) with people ~~on~~in their age, they (...) and friends than ~~other~~others
Hi asep!  
  
...a job or visit other ~~place.~~**places**  
*other + noun plural  
another + noun singular*  
  
*misspellings*  
As a result, they ~~porobably~~**probably** more ~~succesful~~**successful** than other students.  
  
...to develop ~~theur~~**their** social skills ...  
  
they ~~migh~~**might** meet juniors ...  
  
the benefit of ~~find~~**finding** a vacancy or ...  
*using gerund after preposition of*
**In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.  
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.**  
  
Walking and traveling for a year are suggested by some countries for teenagers who want to continue their study in the university after graduated at high school. For each young adult it has positive and negative effects for their life. In this essay, will be explained both of them. Personally, I believe that it is effective for teenagers to know more about their passions.  
  
After study at in some years at high school some teenagers feel tired to continue the study or they do not know what the passion of them. So, government of countries make a rule that young adults must have some activities before continue their study. There are several advantages if the rule is realization. For the first is with working for a year teenagers know about education that is essential factor if they want have a good position and well-paid job from working. They will know their passion if they have experience of working and in the future they can choose a major in the university appropriate with their passion. Secondly, if they travel to some place, they can fresh their mind after studying long time in high school. Besides, they can learn more about the place, for example, if they holiday at pretty village and they see that many local young adults cannot continue their study because financial factor. The result is they can conscious that they are luck person who can continue their study.  
  
In the other hand, there are several disadvantages if teenagers must be working and traveling before continue their study. Firstly, if they are working in long time, they can feel confident with their job and indolent to continue their study because they feel that they can buy anything their own money. Secondly, if they are refreshing with long time, it is hard again to continue their study because they forget about materials of their major.  
  
All in all, actually rules of working and traveling for teenagers have benefits and detriments for each young adult. It depends from point of view teenagers. In my opinion, these rules are effective to give motivation and build enthusiasm teenagers to continue their study.
Walking and ~~traveling~~travelling for a year are suggested ...  
  
After study ~~at~~[double preposition] in some years at (...) continue the study**,** or they do (...) passion of them [or=> conjunction=> sentence, or+ sentence] . ~~So~~consequently , government of countries ...  
  
... advantages if the rule is ~~realization~~realisation . ~~for~~~~t~~T he first is with working ...  
... if they have experience ~~of~~from working**,** and in the future ...  
..., they can GET[can=modal==>modl +v1] fresh their mind ...  
..., for example, ~~if~~ they holiday at pretty village**,** and they see ...  
The result is they can conscious[2 sentence=2s+2v=> conjunction is needed] that they are luck ...  
  
... several disadvantages ~~if~~when teenagers must be working and ~~traveling~~travelling before continue their study.  
  
... rules of working and ~~traveling~~travelling for teenagers have ...  
It depends on[collocation]~~from~~ point of view teenagers.
Hi, tika. here are my suggestions for you  
  
Walking and ~~traveling~~**travelling** for a year are suggested by ...  
*countries did not suggest teenagers to walking and travelling. i misunderstood the meaning of your sentence. maybe you mean like this:*  
**Walking and travelling for a year are suggested for teenagers who want to continue their study in the university after graduated at high school.**  
  
For each young adult**,***(need comma)* it has positive and negative effects ~~for~~**on** their life.  
  
... essential factor if they want **to** have a good position ...  
  
if they **spend a**holiday at **a** pretty village and (...) young adults, **they** cannot continue their study because **of the**financial factor.  
formula of if conditional if + s + v , s + v  
because + s + v  
because of + noun/noun phrase  
  
... conscious that they are ~~luck~~**lucky** person who can ...
Amanda, let us first address the formatting problems of your essay. When you introduce the family, devote one paragraph per family member in the description. The reason you have to divide the description is because each family member has a specific health consideration. In order for the reader to properly assess / understand that health concerns of the person. By separating the descriptions, you will allow the reader to connect the specific illness with the specific family member. When you discuss the members in this single paragraph format, the tendency will be to overwhelm the reader with information, causing him to forget what it is you are trying to say.  
  
Try to avoid redundancies in your essay. By using the paragraph per family member format, you will only need to mention the age of the person once, at the beginning of the paragraph. That way the reader manages to focus solely on the issue of importance. The same advice applies to the presentation of the food requirements. Connect the diet specifically and separately per person. That will allow for a clarification of the meal requirements of each person and why the meal requirements are set up that way.  
  
To recap the format of your essay per paragraph should be:  
1. Family member description  
2. Health concerns  
3. Meal plan  
  
Using this format, the essay gains a sense of clarity, continuity, and understanding on the part of the reader. You are also given more room to discuss the important aspects of the essay as a separate paragraph as well.
**This three pie charts show the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school in 1981, 1991 and 2001.  
  
Writing Task 1**  
  
A breakdown of the information regarding to the changes in UK school's expenditure for each year over three-year decades is depicted in three pie charts. It is measured by percentage. Overall, it is immediately apparent that the figure of teacher's incomes was always be the largest in every year and the toal spending of furniture and equipment had hit the highest level in 2007.  
  
According to the data, the largest starting ratio was teacher wage that stood at two-fifths in 1981. Although it went up and down over three decade, the greatest proportion reached a peak at 50% in 1991. The percentage of resources experienced the same trend and projected at 20% during same period and fell suddenly by 11% in 2001. Henceforth, 28% expenditure for other workers' income continued to decrease steadily at 15% in 2001.  
  
Concerning the remain parts, although the figure of furniture went down dramatically to 5% in 1991, it started rising significantly by 18% in 2001. Moreover, the smallest proportion witnessed in insurance and it growth markedly from 2% in 1991 to 8% in 2001. (180 words)  
  
*
Hello septiadara  
actually you have good essay but let me give you some suggestions.  
1. in academic writing you should write numbers up to ten as words (five, two etc) and write numbers over ten as pictures (2001, 15 etc)  
... went down dramatically to ~~5%~~ [five percent] in 1991, ...  
... it growth markedly from ~~2%~~ [two percent] in 1991 to ~~8%~~ [eight percent] in 2001.  
... down over three decade(s), the greatest proportion ...  
It is measured by (the) percentage.  
overall, i can understand your essay easily. well done. good luck