dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The total discussion approach to the given prompt is not based on the expected discussion format. For starters, the restatement does not properly represent the basis points for the discussion. The writer took a shortcut in this case which led to a sometimes incomplete and inaccurate representation. The writer also did not provide his own openmon as needed and only repeated the discussion instructions. These errors will result in a non-passing preliminary TA score.  
  
Debate / comparative discussion format reasoning paragraphs are the higher scoring paragraph presentations for this prompt. By comparing the public andpersonal opinions per idea, a more cohesive and coherent paragraph score can be achieved. The writer has misunderstood the writing requirement as meaning to only discuss his private opinion of both public ideas. While the discussion will be accepted and scored, this type of presentation cannot achieve higher than average marks since there are also LR and GRA deductions to be applied to the final score. The fact that there is absolutely no pronoun usage in thest discussion sections will result in a problematic GRA score. This prompt does not use a general reference in relation to the represented groups.  
  
By presenting his clear opinion in the concluding paragraph, he assures himself of a total failing score.This will be based on previous errors and the fact that a personal opinion cannot be stated in the conclusion. Thatis because the conclusion is to be used to present a summary of the previous discussions.
## *The charts show the main methods of transport of people travelling to one university in 2004 and 2009*

  
**(Pie charts attached at the end)**  
  
The pie charts compare the primary means of travelling adopted by people when coming to a university between 2004 and 2009.  
  
Overall, all means of transport recorded an increase in its percentage apart from car and bicycle. It is also evident that car and bus were the two most popular sorts of movement, while the opposite was true for the others.  
  
As it is explicitly observed from the charts, the number of cars used occupied the highest proportion, at around a half in 2004 before decreasing by nearly a quarter 5 years later. Bus, similarly, rose its popularity from 33% in 2004 to almost a half in 2009, making itself from the least prevalent to the most prevailing, at 46% in 2009.  
  
Regarding the remaining types of vehicles, namely train, bicycle and walking, it was bicycle that remained unchanged at around one-tenth in both years. In the meantime, the figure for train slightly rose by a small fraction, invariably standing at the least popular kind of transport in two years. Likewise, the percentage of people going to university on foot increased marginally from 4% to 6% during the time period.  
  
*
The summary overview is confusing when it comes to describing the provided images. The images do not compare data between years. That would require an actual length of time depiction in a single pie chart. This image compares 2 years in 2 pie charts. A variation of the previous sentence is what should have been used to explain what images were provided and what these represent. The summary is not accurate and will not receive a passing score.  
  
A more thorough presentation of the trending statement would have provided a complete listing of the modes of transport prior to the measurementtrend. Along with this,a mention of the measurement type is necessary to complete the written descriptive information as it would have created a better mental picture for the reader. The end result would have been a strong and imaginative trending statement.  
  
~~As it is explicitly observed from the charts~~  
The report must be based upon the assumption that the reader does not have a copy of the image to refer to. By asking the reader to observe the image, this rule has been violated so deductions will be applied. This is the reason why I emphasized the need for a creative and informative, but not exaggerated data representation. There are specific writing rules to be followed in both tasks.
**Question:  
*Governments should invest in science, technology or business instead of arts.***  
## Do you agree or disagree with the statement?

  
  
Essay  
  
Every country has its own unique culture, especially it is expressed by many arts. However, some people think that the arts should be replaced by science, technology or business. In my opinion, I disagree with the notion and I think arts are no less important than science and governments should invest in arts.  
  
Firstly, investing in the arts is to develop the services and tourism industries. Once the governments invest in the arts, it is creating conditions to preserve, restore and advertise the nation's historic and religious architecture to the world. From there, that country will preserve its roots and pass on its unique culture forever. On that basis, attracting a lot of tourists to travel and explore will make the services and tourism industries develop and bring a lot of profits for the country. As a result, the economy of the country is growing and becoming stronger. In addition, it will help the governments to solve a difficult problem of lack of jobs for workers. Because when tourism develops and attracts many visitors, it will create a lot of jobs such as guides, service staff,... for workers.  
  
Despite all these advantages of investing in the arts, there are still some people who think that governments should invest in science, technology or business instead of arts. However, when they know the essentials of arts they will realise why the governments should invest more in it. For example, when we do not concentrate on developing art, we will not be able to preserve our own country's roots and culture. For this reason, the economy goes down, the country is weakened and vulnerable to invasion. Therefore, investing in the arts is no less important than investing in science, technology or business.  
  
In conclusion, besides development science, technology or business, the governments should have policies to invest and develop the arts. Moreover, not only the governments, I think people should have the responsibility to preserve and advertise the nation's historic and religious architecture to the world.
The writer did an acceptable job in his restatement and opinion presentation. However, his discussion fell short of the better scoring discussion format. His discussion presentation could use a more proper debate slant to highlight the correct comparative discussion format for this essay. The correct discussion format will always gain a higher score.  
  
For this essay, a 5 paragraph format presentation would have gotten a better score. That is because offering focused paragraph discussions, one each for science, technology, and business would have given a more cohesive discussion consideration. Use evidence to prove that investing more in arts, when compared to the investment in each other aspect results in a better investment. Compare say, the cost against the results. The results will be a better analyzed and higher C+C score.  
  
With regards to punctuation usage, an ellipses cannot be used immediately after or before a comma. English punctuation rules allow only for the use of one punctuation mark at a time, normally after complete idea presentations or when listing consecutive ideas or information.  
  
Avoid referencing "I think". In any part of the presentation. The writer must show that he is convinced that his pinion is correct and he will not be able to convince the reader of the same. Only words of certainty must be used throughout the presentation.
## the average number of Vietnamese students studying in France, Russia and America

  
  
The line graph compares how many Vietnamese students studying in three different countries over a period of 15 years.  
Overall, the number of Vietnamese students has education in America and France increased significantly during the period shown, while the figure for Russia decreased. And it is noticeable that American schools were the most popular in Vietnamese students.  
  
In 2000, over 3.5 million students were studying in France which was higher than the figures for Russia and American about 3 million and 1.6 million students, respectively. Five years later, the number of Vietnamese learners in France and Russia decreased by 1 million students. In contrast, there was an increase to 2 million students in the number of Vietnamese pupils came to America to study.  
  
From 2000 to 2005, there was a significant increase to 5 million students studying in America. Meanwhile, the figure for France also increased by more than 2 million students after remained stable for 5 years. Vietnamese pupils seemed less interested in Russia as the number of students studying in this nation decreased and hit a low of less than 2 million students in 2010 but then gradually increased to 2.5 million students at the end of the period  
  
*
Writing 201 words is stretching the writing time too close. With only 20 minutes to complete this task the student should not use this paper to showcase his vocabulary. Anywhere from 175 to 290 words will already accomplish that intention. Remember the idea is to present the best summarized analysis of the image data. The instruction does not require an over extended presentation. Keeping it short will also limit the possibility of multiple grammar and punctuation errors that could negatively affect the sectional scores.  
  
Create a proper first paragraph by combining the summary + trending statement. That will allow you to receive a better TA score since the C+C presentation for the paragraph will be complete. Avoid using stand alone single sentences since that is not a complete paragraph presentation. Always use at least 3 sentences representing the task requirements in the summary to gain a strong opening score.  
  
There are LR problems in the presentation as evidence by the writer's confusion regard the correct referencing between the country and the citizen in his presentation. It creates a confusing discussion target. There are also instances where the explanations are difficult to understand due to incorrect sentence structure and improper or missing punctuation marks. All of these problem points could lead to a failing GRA and C+C scores.  
  
The writer should get a better idea as to why a short essay may be better written than a wordy essay in the long run. Scoring well depends on proper editing and proofreading rather than just vocabulary usage.
## People in big cities are facing many health challenges due to a high level of air pollution

  
  
The phenomenon of rapid urbanization acts as a precursor to physical health of the city dwellers. Air contamination is perceived to be at an alarming rate. This essay will elucidate the causes and exert solutions to alleviate this situation.  
  
The major catalyst of air pollution in big cities is population explosion. People hold a firm belief that they can derive a lot of profits by residing in metropolitan areas such as elite education and lucrative employment. The swell in population begets the purification of air in jeopardy. Second, citizens have propensity to utilize personal transportation by dint of its versatility and flexibility. They dislike public transport because of the fact that it is not spacious and put users in uncomfortable zone. Hence, it attributes to air contamination and hinders the growth of green environment.  
  
The meticulous solutions should be implemented to address this issue. First and foremost, residents should raise awareness of differentiating types of rubbish to preserve the purification of environment. It is imperative to perform this action despite its perplexity and demands individuals' meticulousity. Second, the authority's onus is devising stringent legislations to punish whoever does a disservice to environment. Concurrently, city dwellers should minimize the usage of personal transportation, if possible, use public transport as a substitution. The detrimental impacts of devastating the ecological system should be broadcasted nationally to arouse people's apprehension of living in polluted environment.  
  
To recapitulate, shielding environment in big cities from contamination is of paramount importance. It requires individuals' obligation so as not to aggravate the situation.
The writer has composed a non scorable restatement + writers opinion. Rather than paraphrasing the topic, the writer offered a personal opinion sentence. That created a discussion statement instead. The writer also failed to deliver clear thesis discussion points in response to the questions posed. Both actions ran counter to the expected response format for that paragraph, resulting in a failing consideration for that task section. A passing score cannot be provided when writing instructions are not met in that section's preliminary scoring phase.  
  
The swell in population begets the purification of air in jeopardy.  
There is a lack of evidence that will support this claim.The paragraph is therefore underdeveloped in relation to creating a cohesive paragraph discussion. Always offer examples to support such claims.  
  
The writer is not properly using descriptive and discussion words in this essay. The words used are unnatural and come across more as an oration rather than an everyday discussion. The LR score will also notbe impressive because of this.  
  
Overall, I believe that the essay will not pass once all scoring considerations are totalled. This is regardless of the obvious effort the exam taker has placed in developing the discussion and reasoning paragraphs.
## Is money a true indicator of the success of a business?

  
  
Success can be defined in various ways. Some people suppose that money is the only yardstick for labeling a business as successful. I agree with this viewpoint to a certain extent; however, I believe there are many other criteria to be considered when evaluating an organization's prosperity.  
  
On the one hand, the revenue a company can generate is the most noticeable sign of its success. The majority of people tend to be under the assumption that the most flourishing companies are the most lucrative ones. In other words, the ultimate objective of almost every enterprise is to maximize profits, which implies that financial gain is the benchmark for determining whether a business is thriving or not. Take Apple, Microsoft, or Amazon as an example. They are included on the list of the world's most successful global brands, as measured by the amount of money they earn. In addition, companies, especially start-ups, can not reap success if they fail to make profits. Large corporations typically offer capital injection for new firms based on their financial outcomes. As a result, a start-up without revenue growth may not receive financial support and eventually struggle to survive in the competition.  
  
On the other hand, I contend that besides financial metrics, customer satisfaction and societal contributions are also vital parameters to gauge a firm's triumph. The company's ability to provide goods and services that meet the demand of every purchaser will create an extensive client base, together with brand loyalty. This ensures enterprises' long-term success and consolidates their position in the market. According to billionaire Richard Branson - the founder and chairman of the Virgin Group, true success should be measured by the customers' level of happiness so that the achievements would be long-lasting and valuable. Moreover, numerous non-profit organizations focus on eradicating global issues such as poverty, pollution or healthcare problems to improve the community. Their success is judged by the positive impacts they have on the individuals and society as a whole, rather than their earnings.  
  
In conclusion, although money is an important criterion to mark the success of a business, consumer fulfillment and beneficial influences on society are also the deciding factors.
There are specific questions being asked as a part of the writer's opinion presentation. While the writer did his best to deliver the correct restatement + personal opinion, the relevant paragraph failed to deliver because of 2 problems:  
  
1. He provided a prompt deviant discussion point by indicating  
  
I agree with this viewpoint to a certain extent  
which is not a part of the discussion consideration for this prompt. This is actually a totally different prompt discussion instruction so it should not be referred to in this paragraph at all. It created heavy deductions due to an irrelevant response and unclear opinion presentation.  
  
2. He failed to give direct topic responses to the 2 questions which would have comprised his opinion response. As such, the writer did not fulfill the clear writer's opinion presentation requirement for the paragraph.  
  
These errors will result in a non-passing preliminary assessment score for the paragraph.  
  
The discussion format is also improper as the essay base questions are not based on related discussion points. Therefore, a comparative reference referring to  
  
On the one hand  
and   
  
On the other hand  
cannot be used. These are not the correct transition phrases to use in this case because the requirement is more along the lines of a transition sentence, due to the differing discussion focus of the questions. Though based on a single topic, the discussion targets are different and unrelated.  
  
When considering the basis of the first question, the paragraph that the writer developed in reference to it is not totally convincing because the premise is based on big business rather than the SME's. A big business is already financially stable and therefore, cannot be considered the correct basis for this discussion. It is already a financial success. The presentation in that paragraph is not really applicable as presented.  
  
The second reasoning paragraph is more aligned with the question it is responding to. So this is the paragraph that can receive full scoring considerations. The problem is that the first reasoning paragraph will pull back the scoring consideration due to the incomplete and mostly improper discussion presentation.  
  
There is a misplaced apostrophe usage in this essay. It was used to indicate the plural form of a the word customers, which was unnecessary because the plural form does not use an apostrophe in its indicative form. An apostrophe S would have represented an ownership discussion point. That said, it is important to note that the correct word construction would have been the plural form, without any apostrophe usage.  
  
A concluding summary was necessary in this essay. The writer tried to provide one but he did not use the correct 40 word, 2 sentence minimum format for the paragraph so it cannot receive full TA considerations in terms of response format either.
## **Many people use written language in a less formal and more relaxed way.**

  
*Why? Does this development have advantages and disadvantages?*  
  
On daily basis, people tend to use causal written language. Under the high growth speed of globalization, this essay will explain the reason, pros and cons of this phenomenon.  
  
Generally, the viewpoint of this situation is under the business environment. Considering international business, the relationship between the countries meets the communication barriers, which is the reason for this development. With a low level of effort, the trader could communicate with others in casual languages. The hidden reason for this development is the connection between culture, history, and human behaviors. By sharing some aspects of the world culture, people tend to use body language in written form.  
  
Turning to the advantages of this activity, using casually written language helps people who have low English skills could understand the ideas easier. The daily language also contains more familiar words than the formal one. The informal way to write would take less time to be written and edited than the formal one. With the casually written language, the vibe of content is from mutual to relax which is referred to as the casual occasion.  
  
However the informally written language makes the document effortless to be prepared, this phenomenon also existed some drawbacks. The relaxed tone of voice makes the writing inappropriate for the formal occasion. The document, the representation of the speakers, also shows the work attitude. If businessmen would like to show their profession to their partners, they should use formally written language. By keeping it short and simple, people could understand clearly the intention of the writer, without further explanation as the casually written language.  
  
*My last IELTS writing result is 6.0, and I want to improve my skill to 7.0. Give some advice to reach the target*
The prompt restatement + writer's opinion is not going to get a passing score for 2 reasons. First, it does not give a prompt restatement but a writer's discussion opinion. That occurred when the writer added the information  
  
On daily basis  
. The second reason for the failure will be a lack of proper writer's opinion using the thesis presentation format. He cannot receive a writer's opinion score in that paragraph when all the writer did was repeat the writing instructions. That is an automatic failure since repeating instructions does not allow the writer to give a clear opinion based on the given guide questions. These are the most score reducing portions of this essay.  
  
Where is the summary conclusion? That is sorely missing in this presentation. The summary conclusion is a requirement for the discussion accuracy score. The reverse paraphrase of at least 2 sentences would help to increase the discussion score potential for this essay. An essay without a summary conclusion paragraph cannot receive a higher than average passing score due to incorrect writing / discussion format requirements.
## Fashion industry's impact on society

  
  
In my opinion, the fashion industry also has a negative impact on society. Many people, specifically the younger generation, are addicted to buy a great number of clothes. This bad habit results in many consequences. For example, a lack of money dues to buying unnecessary clothes. Besides, some people still judge others by their appearance. If they don't follow the trend or wear luxurious costumes, they might be seen as a poor and unattractive person. According to that situation, some even being bullied, which can lead to mental health illness
I am not sure if the writer is responding to a Task 2 prompt or if this is just a statement for an English writing exercise. If it is for a task 2 discussion, then this single paragraph will automatically receive a failing score for not meeting the word count and having an improperly presented line of reasoning.  
  
If this is for a simple English writing exercise then the writer should have paid more attention to his vocabulary usage, punctuation mark use and positioning in the sentences, as well as the clarity of his thoughts. There is a disconnection between the reasons he presents and evidence to prove that his claims are valid. The overall discussion has a problem because of the lack of idea development and examples. While the grammar is not perfect, the writer manages to reveal a clear thought, which only needed more development to make it clearer and better accepted as a discussion point.