dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## accept when something bad happened or not

  
  
It cannot be denied that hardships and unpleasant circumstances are unavoidable facts of human life. Some people suggest that accepting the situations is the optimal way, while other prefer making efforts to overcome troubles.  
  
There are myriad arguments used to support the claim that people should stop fighting against the unpleasant situations. Firstly, putting up with difficult problems may help people avoid being overwhelmed by negative emotions. For example, if an applicant who are being late for an important interview due to traffic jam can accept the situation and not rage at traffic light as well as other drivers, he will absolutely arrive at the interview less distressed. Furthermore, drowning in own thoughts of trying to control the beyond ability matters may result in frustration and desperation along with unconscious actions such as suicide, drug abuse or committing crime.  
  
In contrast, some people believe that it is better to try and improve the bad circumstances. The world is full of inspiring examples of people who has been able to turn hardships into good situations by clearly understanding the value of choice. For instance, in case of being unem  
  
ployed or shortage of money, rather than looking for somebody to blame or complain to, some people may use opportunities to find new jobs, come back to school to develop valuable skills or start their own business instead. This may bring benefits to only themselves but also many people around. Besides, a problems solved will help people to build their confidence to face with the next similar issue happening.  
  
In conclusion, although there is some evidence to support the claim that it would be better to accept what happened, I believe that people should spend more time and effort to overcome the bad situations.
-This may **not only** bring benefits to ~~only~~ themselves but ...Besides, a problem~~s~~ solved ...  
  
-if an applicant who ~~are~~ **is** being  
-..., although there ~~is~~ **are** some evidence  
  
I think that your essay is pretty good. You have provide clear argument and explain it, however for the example that you give in the passage I think its quite long and a little bit run on, so I suggest that you should cut it down into different sentences.  
  
**For instance, in case of being ...**  
I will change this to : For instance, people who are unemployed or shortage of money can exploit this opportunities to find new jobs or develop themselves instead of blame or complain others.
## evaluating school curriculum

  
  
**Some people say that art subjects such as music, drama and creative writing are an essential part of education, and every school should include them in its syllabus. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion and examples from your own experience.**  
  
In the last decades, test-based assessment has pushed the fine arts further toward the margins. However, I think that art subjects are integral parts of learning and they should be added to every school curriculum for several reasons.  
  
Firstly, the arts may help learners develop essential skills which will certainly carry over into their education, career and other parts of life. Assuming the latest technological advances, creativity and decision making skills are probably the best outcomes of art-based education, as they are less likely to be replicated by robots. Art subjects, such as painting and creative writing , get students to use their own imagination and express themselves freely which is almost impossible in academic subjects. Also, these kinds of disciplines teach children how to make decisions and solve problems independently. For example, while writing , they should decide on the content and deal with the technical problems on their own.  
  
Secondly, providing art classes at schools can actually improve the academic performance. Most of the art subjects, particularly music seem to make unique contributions to brain development. For instance, in my country, many parents, especially the wealthy ones encourage their children to learn to play any particular musical instrument, because it is widely accepted to make them smarter as they grow up. That`s why there is also a growing tendency to incorporate art into the way other subjects are learned.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that the arts are necessary for a well-rounded education, as they can provide students with a variety of skills they will need as adults.
@solivagant  
Hello!  
  
Generally speaking, your writing profile is sufficient in terms of providing the bare minimum necessary content and structure to make it informative. This is a positive attribute. You only need to enhance your capacity in adding depth to the overall composition, ensuring that you are more elaborate in the long-run when it comes to restructuring your content.  
  
Try to evade the usage of quite loose examples. Instead, focus more on firmer real-world examples as these will be more convincing for your readers to read up on. For instance, in your second paragraph, try to explain that these artistic endeavors are also beneficial and fruitful career paths, especially if in the right geographical location and with ample resources to begin with. Try to give more concrete examples such as explaining how these endeavors plan out in real-life.  
  
Furthermore, try to also be more realistic with your explanations. Is it really true that there is a genuine correlation between academic performance and the artistic endeavors of children? If you can be more specific, this will help you create a more systematized approach.  
  
Best of luck as always in your writing.
## people's earnings - some are extremely high

  
  
**In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn.**  
  
**Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
There are countries that have a minority of individuals who earn very lucrative salaries. It is believed by some that this can be beneficial for the nation, whereas others consider that the government ought to monitor how much a person can earn. This essay will analyze both sides of the discussion and explain why I side with the former statement.  
  
On the one hand, first, the government should ensure that the county's wealth is distributed among all its inhabitants. This is because, it would bring more equality. And second, capping high salaries will prevent the rich from gaining unfair control over certain aspects of society. For example, in my hometown, the wealthy have a monopoly over the metro system. As a result, those with smaller bus companies have restrictions as to which areas of the city they can allow their buses to transit, and this, of course, is unfair and unjust.  
  
On the other hand, I believe that those highly skilled individuals deserve a profitable salary. The reason for this is because they bring progress to the country and the more you incentivize them the harder they will work. For instance, an engineer can create the latest technology and that way expand business relations abroad, thus bringing more money to the territory. Additionally, providing the people with a high income can deter them from committing crimes. By a way of illustration, the underprivileged might be tempted to steal from the privileged and this can lead to greater crimes like murder in the attempts.  
  
In conclusion, even though being strict with the people's earnings is non-discriminatory, I consider that having a higher salary is more favorable for the country's welfare.
@luna21  
Hello.  
  
Firstly, the structure of your essay needs more work. Tinker and tamper with the body paragraphs. Notice how you have difficulty transitioning between your words. I suggest trying to stick more with simpler content as this will help you create more substance while still evading potential mistakes in the long-run. Having this directed focus will help you create more dynamism in your writing.  
  
Focusing on a more organic and dynamic writing style will help you curate a more informative (ergo academic) writing for your essay.  
  
Observe this revision:  
  
On the one hand, ~~first,~~ ... ensure ~~that the ... its inhabitants~~ the equitable distribution of wealth. This ~~is because, it would~~ will bring ~~more~~ equality. ~~And s~~ Secondly, capping high ... control ~~over certain aspects of~~ in society.  
  
Working with smaller chunks will help you create more space for a dynamic discussion, causing you to have more hold over the writing that you have. Try to also use more appropriate examples. Say, for instance, the monopolization example in the second paragraph could be replaced by an example on how profit-oriented companies tend to deprive their lower-class employees of the privilege of substantial information because they feed on this inequality in the system.  
  
Best of luck in your writing as always. Keep in mind these comments.
## Disruptive school students have a negative influence on others.

  
Students who are noisy and disobedient should be grouped together and taught separately. Do you agree or disagree?  
  
It is undeniable that disruptive students have a negative impact on others. Therefore parents and some teachers recommend that naughty and disobedient ones should be grouped to be taught separately. In my point of view, I totally disagree with the recommendation due to several reasons as following:  
  
First of all, the importance of training bad students is time. It is honestly impossible for teachers to teach noisy ones in the short-term. It requires a long period, cooperation, enthusiastic responsibility of teachers from lower to the upper level, along with regular caring and sharing from parents and families. Therefore, families and schools take good care of uncontrolled pupils.  
  
On top of that, the above suggestion is ineffective. In a class, there are only rebellious and noisy students without ordinary or gifted ones, not only do students feel bored, but the teachers are also fed up with and do not want to teach them. This will have a great effect on the social in the future. Besides, culling the undisciplined pupils means depriving the opportunity to change, to start again because there are no good exemplars.  
  
In a nutshell, although families and schools pay great attention to this issue, I admit the fact that such a way is not only inefficient but also exacerbates the situation in many cases.
First of all, I would like to know your definition of "noisy and disobedient." My friend is a teacher, and one time she had an issue with a student who tried to throw a chair because she got angry. If the noisy and disobedient child is causing physical danger to others children around they need to be at a different location because it is not fair for majority to feel scared because of one person. Also, it is better for the troublesome student to find a place that offer good programs to help his/her psychological issues that way the person can thrive socially in the future with no bigger problems.  
  
But, if we are just talking about a kid that is annoying other students, I don't think having a separate class or sending him/her to different place is necessary. The more important underlying issue here is do those kids that get enough attention from their household? If not, is there a way to show that the teachers care for them? These are some questions that are going through my head right now.  
  
That was just my opinion.
@tranphuongnhi  
Hello there.  
  
First and foremost, work on the structure of your essay. Notice how the transition in your first paragraph is quite bumpy because you were using inappropriate methods of moving between your thoughts. Focus more on an organic approach to writing to help you accommodate to more substantive information in such a short period of time. Doing so will help you minimize the usage of fillers as well, creating a more dynamic essay.  
  
Furthermore, I would also suggest that you try to elaborate with more of an informative tone. Your third paragraph, for instance, appears to be quite baffled and rambling. Evade this type of tone when you are writing as it does not pave way for a fruitful discussion. In your particular case, what you can do is focus more on balancing out your arguments on the teachers' responsibilities versus the behavior of students. Try to create more logical links as to why you think that there is a tremendous social effect caused by undisciplined individuals. Is it genuinely true that teachers focus more on positive students because they get "*fed up*" with other students? Try explaining things in a more substantive light.  
  
Best of luck in your writing as always.
## Families are now not as close as they used to be

  
  
It is true that the relationship between family members in today's modern life is deteriorating. This problem could be explained by various factors; however, there are many solutions that people can adapt to cement the bond between them and other members of the family.  
  
The development of technology is one root cause of the separation of family members. Since almost every member has electronic devices, they tend to spend their free time in front of the screen rather than talking and sharing with each other. This was not the case in the past when people's spare time was mostly spent on face-to-face communication, which allowed them to better understand one another. Today's increasingly competitive society is also one factor that weakens family bonds. To be more specific, while parents tend to work overtime to guarantee the family's financial state, children have to spent extra hours at school and study under increasing pressure to meet their parents' expectations and higher requirements of the labor market. As a result of a lack of time spent with each other, people under the same roof are no longer close as in the past.  
  
In order to re-strengthen family bonds, some effective steps should be taken. First of all, a family rule of using technological devices should be carried out. All family members will be restricted to the use of mobile gadgets during family mealtime, thus having more time to share or talk to each other, which helps ensure that family members can allocate sufficient time for bonding with one another. What is more, children especially adolescence should be educated on how to overcome the generation gap at schools. Children spend most of their time at school where they mostly approach their friends and teachers except for their loved ones. Therefore, schools should introduce more social skills lessons in their curriculum which can teach them about the importance of family bonds and how to create an equal and harmonious relationship among family members.  
  
In conclusion, the development of technology and harsh requirement of labour environment have resulted in reduced family ties which is still possible tightened through school education and family rules.
Hi nguyentran9795,  
  
In Body paragraph 1, I think you should rewrite the Topic sentence (TP) in a more general way (e.g.: a myriad of causes). The TP will be your main focus to elaborate on and support by supporting details. If you choose technology as the TP, the whole paragraph should enlarge on this idea, not mention any other causes, right?  
  
That being said, I think you have a good control over essay structure (how to write every paragraph properly).
@nguyentran9795  
Hi there!  
  
Welcome to the forum. Let me try my best to provide you with substantial feedback on your writing.  
  
Firstly, I have to comment on the fact that I find that your writing is put-together already. What I would focus more on would be adding depth into your writing by using real-world or firmer examples as you go along. If you can, for instance, discuss cultures that have already been engulfed by the massive usage of gadgets in their everyday lives, you will be able to convince the readers that your points are to be accounted for.  
  
Additionally, try to trim down your sentences more. Notice how lengthy and *dragging* your second paragraph is because you had such long-form content. Try to evade the usage of fillers and excessive language, especially because they do not particularly contribute to your essay. If you have to, keep them at a minimum.  
  
Observe this revision:  
  
~~To be more specific, while p~~ Parents tend to work overtime ~~to guarantee~~ for the family's financial state, therefore children ... hours ~~at school and~~ studying under ~~increasing~~ pressure to ... and ~~higher requirements of~~ the labor market's requirements.  
  
Try to also remove some portions of your second to the last paragraph to allocate more space in creating a more substantive conclusion. Doing this will help you balance out your writing.  
  
Best of luck in your writing as always.
Hello everyone! I'm a new member... Could you check my essays?  
  
## study new language with native or local trainers?

  
  
It is said that learning with Vietnamese teachers is better than native teachers for students because Vietnamese students can ask Vietnamese teachers easily. But as for me, I disagree with this statement because native teachers help students study more effective than Vietnamese ones.  
  
First of all, students who study with native teachers get standard knowledge. In terms of language knowledge, native teachers certainly have a superior level. Their English knowledge is the dream of all Vietnamese teachers who teach English. In addition, they are trained in pedagogical skills at prestigious universities in the world and they have an opportunity to get access to modern and advanced educational methods. Hence, students can be assured when studying with native teachers.  
  
On top of that, native trainers have a comfortable teaching way. Students are not forced to write much, they only need to listen attentively and carefully. Native teachers always combine playing with studying. For instance, when participating in an English class taught by native ones, they will hold a game that involves lessons before starting them. Or pupils are admitted to play English games after classes to review their vocabulary and improve their memory. This studying method is very useful without time - consuming.  
  
Lastly, pupils have more knowledge about the native teachers' country and culture. If we have any intention of speaking English with foreigners and in foreign countries, we not only study grammar, and speaking and listening skills, but we also know their culture. To understand clearly the knowledge and culture, native teachers can help us. As an illustration, a student learns with an American teacher and he plans to travel to the USA, he can ask his teacher about America and its culture. When being asked about the country, native teachers always talk in detail. Hence, students are able to improve English skills and know American culture.  
  
In short, learning with native teachers is such a fantastic way that students can improve their knowledge considerably. Therefore, if have an opportunity to study with native trainers, we should get it.
Hi @tranphuongnhi  
I hope my feedback will be useful for you.  
I think you can join together the second and the third paragraph under "qualification reason". You`ve used similar ideas in them. For example, you`ve mentioned "methods" in the second paragraph ("... to get access to modern and advanced educational methods") and it is also the central idea of the next paragraph. So, combining them may be a good idea.  
  
And you should try to avoid repetition as much as possible.  
  
And here are some corrections:  
... study more effectively than ...  
... is very useful ~~without time - consuming~~ and timesaving.  
but we can also ~~know~~  gain an insight into their culture  
~~To understand ... and culture,~~ Native teachers can help us to get a grasp on the culture  
  
Good luck to you!
Hi,  
I think your essay is well written, I would make the following changes.  
  
... teachers ~~get~~  acquire standard knowledge.  
  
... trainers have ~~a~~ comfortable ...  
  
... is very useful without being time consuming.  
  
Synonyms for teacher:  
1. professor.  
2. instructor.  
3. educator.  
4. docent.  
5. pedagog.  
6. coach.
@tranphuongnhi  
Hello there!  
  
Welcome to the forum. I hope that you find substantial feedback here that you're looking for.  
  
Firstly, I find that your writing is quite cluttered in terms of structure and flow. Try to streamline your usage of words. Try to evade repetitive words and phrases. Trying to seek for alternatives will always benefit you in the long-run because you'll be able to focus more on the general outlook of your content rather than having repeatedly synonymous sentences that do not create depth. Remember to add only lines that truly add value to your content. If they cannot accomplish this, then evade their usage at all costs as it will not positively benefit you.  
  
Observe your third paragraph. You had quite a messy approach when it comes to moving in between your sentences. I suggest trying to fix this through following more conventional writing patterns when you are writing.  
  
Best of luck in your writing.
## tourism and the infuluence on the local life

  
  
In recent years, transitional travel has been mushrooming in many parts of the world while it's argued that the phenomenon of the international tourism brings conflicts between local residents and visitors.  
  
Personally, I side with the view that tourism creates integration more than isolation due to the reciprocal understanding of indigenous cultures.  
It is obvious that culture vary from one place to another. In other words, good cultural values are adapted from one's own society but can be absent from other societies. Thereby, those who have plan for visiting a destination, having a short research about its cultures is a must. By undergoing all of that, travel broadens the mind. As a result, people become more tolerant toward each other's differences, which may bring benefits in daily basic, specially applied in multi-national working environments.  
  
Another point is that, tourism industry provides much-needed employments to millions from directly influenced position like tour guides, hotel staffs, coach services, restaurants to business owners. Surprisingly, increase travel not only boosts the tourism field, but also contributes toward the overall growth and development of the various countries. Because some entrepreneurs travel to various places for business and choose the city to invest money in running his own start-up.  
  
In conclusion, the hostility between inhabitants and arrivals has overshadow by the advantages of tourism. So we shouldn't make any prejudge about this industry on the evidence of few unfortunate situations.
... of ~~the~~ international ...  
  
... culture varies from ...  
... who have a plan ..., having ~~a~~ short research ...  
... in daily ~~basic~~ basis, especially ...  
  
... is that ~~,~~ the tourism ... employment~~s~~ to millions from a directly ...  
  
... has been overshadowed by ... So we shouldn't {should not, do not use abbreviation in your essay} make ...