dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The importance of communication skills in job relation is illustrated in the table in which from the survey conducted in 1997 and 2006. Overall, the kinds of skills which consist of external and internal communication which people who are asked in the survey tend to increase from 1997 to 2006.  
  
Firstly, many features of external communication which is needed by someone in their jobs. The highest percentage in 1997 is dealing with people skill at 60 percent which it is mean that this is almost twice higher than the percentage of selling a product or service. In the eight years later, the percentage of external communication have the same trend from before and also the each example of skills tend to increase although the percentage of selling product or service decrease at 21 percent in 2006.  
  
Secondly, the internal communication (within company) also have many kinds of examples and these types tend to increase by 1 until 9 percent from 1997 to 2006. The lowest percentage at 7 percent in making speeches or presentation, but the listening carefully to colleges has the highest percentage also notice in same factor in 1997 and it increase to 4 percent and 9 percent
Hi yika,  
  
when i read your writing, i do not know what kind of writing it is, is it essay? or summary?  
however, you bring the word 'table' that means that this is writing task 1 for IELTS.  
  
> Firstly, please attach the image of the table, so we can check the information in your essay.  
> Regardless YOUR GRAMMATICAL ERROR, i think your essay is not provide information well.it is because i cannot imagine the table just by reading your essay. you also not mention several information, but explain the increment, making the reader confused.  
  
> it would be better if you arrange your information again.  
> here are my suggestion for you  
  
... who are asked in the survey ~~tend~~TENDED to increase from 1997 to 2006....  
...in 1997 ~~is~~WAS dealing with...  
...which it ~~is~~WAS mean that this ~~is~~WAS almost twice...  
... communication ~~have~~HAD the same trend...  
...of skills ~~tend~~TENDED to increase...  
...service ~~decrease~~DECREASED at 21...  
...also ~~have~~HAD many kinds...  
...types ~~tend~~TENDED to increase...  
...to colleges ~~has~~HAD ...  
  
(always WATCH YOUR TENSES)  
  
... of external communication ~~which~~ is needed by someone ...  
( you do not have MAIN VERB here)  
  
thank you, i hope it will help you  
keep writing and break a leg
Hi Yika,  
  
1. You should provide the picture of your essay, so we can check the information from the table.  
2. The survey conducted in 1997 and 2006, you should use "past tense" to explain you opinion in the essay. I don't think you do this in your essay.  
  
3. You have include 3 main parts of IELTS writing part 1 : introduction, overview and detail. But I can't elaborate more in this part because I can't imagine the table.  
  
Thanks
**Always telling the truth is the most important consideration in any relationship.[TOEFL]**  
  
I disagree with the opinion that says always telling the truth in a relationship is important.  
For me the statement is very hypothetical and robust.  
  
In a relationship,the utmost priority is to be happy with someone you love and care for that person.  
Caring and bonding often involves and requires harmless lies at several occasions.For example,when  
there is a bad news like demise of someone closer to a person, the partner may hide telling directly  
to the face this bitter news initially and just say that there is just an emergency and we need to go  
to the hospital.After sometime,as the person slowly absorbs the situation,the actual fact can be told.  
Lies can help in situations that affect the confidence of a person.For example,even if your partner hasnt  
cooked up a new dish up to the mark,instead of telling what you actually feel,you can simply hide that and  
just appreciate the efforts he/she put forth in it.  
  
On a second thought,the base of a relationship is adjustment and loving the person as he/she is.  
Always telling the truth about your likings or dislikings towards your partner lead to unnecessary fights and grudges.  
For example,suppose the girl is worried about how a dress looks due to the weight she has put on recently.So if her  
partner directly calls her fat which she is actually looking,it will obviously wont lead to anything better.  
So instead he may soothe things out by just complementing the way she is looking and suggest to lose a few pounds.  
  
Thus,even though truth plays an important part in your relationship,the risky fellow should be kept hidden sometimes.  
Also,always lying will ultimately have a harsh impact on your relationship,a few belign lies here and there help to  
cherish the relationship on a longer terms.Therefore,always telling the truth is not at all suggested.
Sushant, the first thing you have to do when writing any form of academic essay for a foreign language test, be it IELTS or TOEFL, is that you are required to prove your English comprehension skills in the first paragraph. This is done through the proper paraphrasing of the prompt that you are being asked to discuss. By properly explaining the prompt requirement, with an emphasis on the question and your opinion in the paragraph, the examiner will be able to determine if you have the ability to understand simple English statements and respond to the questions accordingly. Since you did not do anything of the sort in the opening paragraph, you should not expect to get a passing grade in terms of accomplishing the task or task accuracy.  
  
The rest of your essay grade will depend largely on how well you represented the prompt and your decision as to how to discuss it. The terms, "hypothetical" and "robust" are not the correct terms to use when describing your opinion of the topic. That mistake alone will cost you points in terms of the Lexical Resource scoring considerations of your essay.  
  
Pay particular attention to the words that you use. Your grammatical accuracy score will come from properly using words in the context or meaning that you wish to have a sentence deliver. Using big words will not matter in this essay if you are not using the term properly. Big words used with the wrong meaning will adversely affect your score.
The diagram illustrates heat lost and energy wasted which are happened in a house due to the air circulation. Overall, it can be seen that the heat can lose since there are some ventilation making air gets into and out of the building.  
  
There are three floors in the house. First, in the down stair, a dryer vent and crawl space create the air enter the house, while the windows in this floor causes outing the air from the construction.  
  
Further, this building has three rooms in the second floor, an electrical outlet in toilet causes air leaving this house. Also, ventilation and windows in the middle room and kitchen have the same function making the air out through chamber.  
  
Finally, in the top floor, a great deal of air out from several parts there (bathroom fan vent, plumbing stack vent, recessed lights, and attic hatch). The air getting out of the building causes heat lost and energy wasted.  
  
Ref: aireaseleaks.org  
  
*
@moderator: is this really a thread from 2015? Why does it become an unanswered thread?  
  
Pramudita, the very first thing that you need to do is to recreate or rewrite your essay by considering a 3-sentence rule. You are suggested to write more than two sentences for each paragraph of your essay. The idea is to have the reader a complete understanding of the given picture. Your mistake was compressing the information into the two sentences you presented. It is necessary for you to format your opening statement into at least three sentences below:  
  
*- The diagram illustrates... (1st sentence)  
- Overall, it can be... (2nd sentence)  
- There are... (3rd sentence)*  
  
Pay more attention and keep in your mind that each paragraph needs to have at least three sentences before it can be considered as acceptable by the examiner. One of the criteria in assessing this type of essay is Coherence and Cohesion. Creating only two sentences would only ruin the score of your coherence and cohesion part. The rest of your essay has the same issue. It still needs some changes.  
  
*2nd paragraph:  
- To begin with, there are... (1st sentence)  
- First,... (2nd sentence)  
- Furthermore, this building... (3rd sentence)  
  
3rd paragraph:  
- Also, ventilation... (1st sentence)  
- Finally... (2nd sentence)  
- The air getting... (3rd sentence)*
Your paragraphs are too short to be considered an actual summary of the diagram that you were provided with. I do not see how you expect to present a proper summary overview with only 2 sentences used to give a short version of the process involved in air circulation and heat loss. The standard requirement falls under a minimum of 3 sentences so it would be to your benefit to always present the minimum number of sentences per required paragraph.  
  
This is a fault that is consistent throughout your essay so you should make sure to correct that problem with your succeeding essays. It isn't hard to do. Just keep reminding yourself that each paragraph needs to show 3 sentences. Sometimes, simply dividing the statement of a single long sentence is enough to meet this requirement.  
  
As a point of reference for your future work, I would like you to write the essay first and then refer to other student's work on this forum based on the same topic. Seek out the strongest points of the work of other students and then try to apply their strong points to your own work.  
  
The topics written for the practice test do not change so seeing how those before you wrote their work will probably help you improve your work as well. Specially since the comments regarding the weak points of the original poster will be there for you to reference and correct in your current work, if you and the OP have the same problems with your written work that is. In your case, I believe that this will help you improve your writing tremendously.
your feedback is very welcome!  
ps: attachment of the graph is given below.  
  
**WRITING TASK 1 (PRACTICE): WATER USE IN GULF COUNTRIES IN 2000**  
  
The bar chart compares the proportion of water of six gulf countries in 2000, based on three main objectives: domestic, agriculture, and industrial. At first glance it is evident that agriculture and domestic were the main purposes within all Middle-East nations.  
  
With an exception of Bahrain and Kuwait, all countries spent most of proportion on agriculture. The highest one was in Oman and Saudi Arabia which have a similar number, at approximately four-fifth, while a minority proportion was spent for domestic. Both UAE and Qatar were 20% less than the first two nations on agriculture, besides a half from it was for domestic. On the other hand, Bahrain spent water mostly on domestic business at more than 50%, while a two-fifth was used for agriculture.  
  
Apart from previous comparison, the least water consumption was for industrial which was consumed at less than 10%. The exception was Kuwait where had a similar percentage for both industrial and agriculture, at less than a fifth.  
  
*
Azmi, here's my feedback towards your first and last paragraph. I hope you can follow through.  
  
1st paragraph:  
- ... the proportion of water usage of six gulf countries in 2000. (Stop here, new sentence)It is based on three ...  
  
- At first glance, (comma needed) it is evident that [...] main purposes ~~within~~among all...  
  
Last paragraph:  
- Apart from the previous comparison, (...) was for industrial ~~which was consumed~~ at less than 10%.  
- **The exception**(it sounds repetitive from the previous paragraph) was Kuwait where [...] at less than **a fifth.**(I think that you often use fraction in describing the percentage. Just be careful, over-using it is also not recommended if you want to reach a high band score)  
  
As you can see, you have mistakenly written a paragraph that only consist of 2 sentences. Compressing information in only two sentences is not suggested. The idea is to have you present a complete thought and understanding of the given chart. This is also one of the criteria in IELTS writing, particularly in terms of Coherence and Cohesion.
Hi,as I am preparing for my ielts test, i thought that it would be a good idea to post a thread here.The topic is as follows.Could you asses it in ielts bands as well. If yes , I would be very grateful for this.Thanks in advance.  
  
**Compare the advantages and disadvantages of three of the following as media for communicating information. State which you consider to be the most effective.**  
  
-comics  
-books  
-radio  
-television  
-film  
-theatre  
  
our constant need of communication was always the most prominent part of our cultures and ourselves.Due to this ,we have created a numer of ways to convey our thoughts,convictions or simply some basic information like weather .Some of them derive from the very beginning of our cilivisation like theatre or books.As many years passed, we invented television and radio.Now many of their advantages are under scrutiny, and some people even consider them as drawbacks, which are not up to date with the changing world.In the following essay, I am going to present some of the most prevalent ways of communication and describe their pros and cons.  
  
Given books, they give a possibilty of getting knowledge from a numer of sources, not only popular ones that are common because of the fact that a lot of people buy it but also from scientific ones .Apart from this, that seems to be the most trusted way of conveying information;for instance,when it comes to the situation that proven data in needed, almost no one uses television as a trusted source.  
  
On the other hand, books are not as handy as tablets or computers that can collect hundreds of volumes ,so much that no one could put into one's bag.  
  
the Radio in turn is much more handy than books and can be turned on whenever we are ,and we don't need to focus our whole attention on this to understand the meaning of some audition. Despite this, radio is quite limited in terms of the numer of programmes to listen to, and it is sometimes very hard to find something that I am interested in.  
  
Television is the most modern way of communication.It is often regarded as the most common one ,and similarly to the radio we can choose whatever we want .As for the similarities with books , we can pick up some of thousands of hundrends channals so that we may get any information we need.  
  
Summing up, All of the given ways of communication contributed to conveying information equally, books in the past,radio in the most recent past and television is now reaching its peak of popularity;neverthless ,television is the most efficient one when we thing over the range of it and how many people use it in comparision to radio and books.
Is this a General Training IELTS prompt? If yes, this would be my first time in assessing this type of essay. I believe a GT IELTS still use public band descriptors for its assessment. Thus, the detailed feedback would be described below.  
  
You need to know that in Grammatical range and accuracy criteria of assessment, punctuation is also assessed. Your punctuation mistakes are quite frequent. After period or comma, you have to give at a space before writing the next words/phrase. Try to focus on observing what I have written in this message. Capitalization is also essential, you can only capitalize or make your first letter of the word in capital form if it is the name of something or it is in the beginning of the sentence. After comma, you cannot make it in capital form again. Additionally, your spelling is also problematical. Proofreading several times is needed to avoid such problems. Due to the above-mentioned flaws, I reckon that in Grammatical range and accuracy part, this essay cannot go beyond 5.0.  
  
Do not worry, there are still 3 other criteria of IELTS that can be taken into consideration. Those are Task Response/Achievement, Coherence and Cohesion, and Lexical Resource. Yet, if one of the criteria falls into 5, it is quite impossible to predict that the other scores might reach 7. The range would be between 4 minimum and 6 maximum.
Ignacy, you neglected to represent what I consider to be the key point of the essay prompt. You failed to deliver a statement that represents the best method of communication via the pre-existing media choices. Without that reference to your personal opinion in the essay, your work is incomplete and doesn't totally deliver the task requirements as provided. Therefore, your task accuracy score will be no higher than a 4. The task accuracy, of the method by which you addressed the prompt requirements in totality represents a large part of your score. In fact, if you fail to score at least a 5 in this portion, getting higher scores in the remaining portions will be next to impossible.  
  
That is because you have already shown a failure in terms of English comprehension skills. With faulty comprehension skills represented in the essay from the start of the paraphrased opening statement, there is absolutely no way you can get high ratings for the remaining scoring criteria of the essay.  
  
While you state in the conclusion that the television is the best way to communicate, you are supposed to present that statement as your personal opinion. It is not part of the conclusion of the essay. Therefore, your task accuracy is tremendously faulty. A proper conclusion should have only summarized the discussion and your opinion at the end. It is not supposed to present your opinion as a final statement.
**As the English language becomes more widespread, some speakers of other languages fear that English loanwords are gradually replacing perfectly adequate native words.  
To what extent do you believe that people should seek to protect the 'purity' of their language from the influence of English?**  
  
There is no doubt that English is becoming increasingly important as a language of international communication in the fields of science, trade, entertainment, and international relations. Not surprisingly, English words have appeared in many other languages throughout the world. Consequently, this has prompted some people to seek to defend their languages from this type of change. In this essay I would like to argue this problem.  
  
It is considered by many that the increasing amount of native words replaced by English words will finally lead to the death of the less influential languages. It is obvious that it is unlikely to happen, although it depends on particular occasions. As an example, the dissolution of a language could be caused by demolition of a country of spoken language as a consequence of a global war. Anyways, what is likely to happen is a merge of languages ensued by blending English and native words. In this case, the vocabulary of native language should be protected. However, there are some difficulties, as the English is still considered as a lingua franca for the most of the fields.  
  
Looking at from a broad historical perspective particular languages become more or less powerful despite any measures taken to protect them. Most humans accept that impact of dominant languages is simply unconstrained.  
  
In my view, all the protection efforts are likely to prove futile. Sooner or later humans it should be conceded that languages change, as all the words of a majority of languages blend or replace each other. Nowadays, English is one of the most spoken languages throughout the world. Obviously, it affects on the other languages in different cases.
Ivan, your paraphrased prompt is incomplete. You were supposed to mention that there are languages that are slowly losing their sense of origin because of the emergence of loanwords from the English language. That is one of the key points for discussion in this essay and should have been properly represented in the paraphrasing. Another problem is that you are arguing a problem in the essay when what you are being asked to do is discuss your "opinion" of the topic. There is a tremendous difference between being asked to discuss the extent of your belief as opposed to "arguing" a problem.  
  
This glaring mistake in your task accuracy automatically shows that you did not understand what the prompt is requiring your do in your essay discussion. As such, there is a clear lack of comprehension of the questions posed and instructions given. Therefore, this essay would not have passed the Task Accuracy section and as such, would have automatically failed all of the given scoring criteria for this test.  
  
Since I already explained to you that there is a difference between the way that you chose to present the paraphrased prompt and your discussion when compared to the original, I will give you an opportunity to correct your mistake so that you can practice writing the correct response for this type of essay. I will not immediately give you a failing score since this is a practice test and as such, should be considered the training ground for your testing skills and abilities. Come back here with a more proper discussion that is relevant to the prompt and then I will score you on it. I want to be fair to you and give you a chance to redeem yourself for a better practice test score.
Q: **The diagram below shows how heat is lost and energy wasted in a house because of air getting into and out of the house. Summarize the information by reporting there main features and make comparisons where appropriate.**  
  
The given diagram illustrates the information the circulation of air in a house and how it reduces heat. It is noticeable that there are several types of equipment which mitigate the heat of temperature. In any case, the air is transmitted into varied rooms.  
  
In the first, the air enters into a house trough several ways such as and outdoor faucet while windows are used to cash the light into washing room, the window is used to minimize the electricity consumption. In addition, the air leaking transmits into the door and window beside that electrical outlet and kitchen fan vent stimulates higher amount of air in the second floor. However, air taking out via plan which transfers it outside the house.  
  
Moreover, the air is transferred into the roof before spreading out the house. In the kitchen and electrical outlet, the air is transmitted trough recessed lights and bathroom fan vent. While, attic hatch receives the air from the living room.  
  
Please give me valuable inputs  
  
*
Lincoln, if you will study the diagram closely, you will see that the house is composed of 3 floors, each of which has a specific diagram relating to heat loss and air circulation in the house. So the best way to have presented the information provided would have been by focusing one paragraph on each floor of the house. Why should you have discussed the diagram in a per paragraph form?  
  
The illustration could have been better presented to the examiner in a per paragraph form because you could have better concentrated on presenting the information in every part of the illustration. Your current presentation is rushed and did not take other aspects of the house into consideration (such as the crawlspace) in your explanation. By omitting certain portions that were important to the illustration but missing in your presentation, you will risk losing points due to an incomplete presentation.  
  
If you will further review your essay, you will notice that it is actually too short in the conclusion part. This is probably because of the lack of information in the earlier parts. By the way, you have a number of grammatical errors in the essay such as varied = various, trough = through, cash = cast , and plan = fan. You need to slow down and make sure that you are using the correct terms and spelling them properly in the essay. You do not want to lose major points in the grammatical range and accuracy section. That will drag down your final score immensely and could make you fail this test section in the actual setting.