dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hi everyone!  
I am preparing Ielts, I would be grateful if sone one can evaluate my essay.  
  
*Topic:  
  
Some people believe that to become successful in sports one should have a natural talent. Others think that perseverance and practice are a crucial part to success. Discuss both views and give your own opinions*  
  
## A genious is 1% talent with 99% sweat

  
  
**With the help of modern technology, we can always watch various sport programmes around the world as entertainment purpose. The successful athletes such as Christiano Ronaldo, the famous soccer legend, seems becomming closer to us. Some people think that talent is the key factor for professonal sport players to success. However, there are some opposers argue that hard working is the only critical concern for champions to achieve a sophisticated sport career. In my point of view, I agree with the latters as follows.  
  
Nobody will critisize on the importance of potentials. Many well known artists were found their ability on childhood. Nevertheless, a person with ability can only be ascertain a good fundation of career, to be succed in every aspect require long time practice. It is impossible to acquire new skill just after learnt it. Every sport technique takes time and progress for mastering. You may get fail for many times on practising until you use it in a real match.  
  
Some people may claim that many marvelous players are genious from the beginning of their career. That's true, but we should never forget the so called sport talents are physical conditions only. To be a skillful players, mental and phychological conditions are also important. There is no express to improve phychological conditions such as stress handling and pain overcoming but plenty of time to practise.  
  
To conclue, a sport player with talent is easy to get succed, but no players can be successful without passion and hard working. As Albert Enstinane said" A genious is 1% talent with 99% sweat."**
@alexyale  
Hi there. I'll be providing you with feedback on your essay. I hope that this will somehow help you improve your writing. Wish you the best of luck as well in your IELTS!  
  
First and foremost, I recommend that you try to make concise your language. Especially when you are looking at the thesis statements of your essay, you should attempt to cut down excessive language tones. Take a look at your introductory paragraph. You can make a simple structured sentence in order to have a more effective written technique that'll relay your message with ease.  
  
Furthermore, try to be clearer with the way that you articulate. Take, for instance, the second paragraph. The first sentence does not link well with the second one, making it quite difficult to comprehend the entirety of your text. Try to be more accurate with the way you reiterate.  
  
Try to also utilize examples that are bolder in the long-run. Concrete examples should have as much detail as possible with them, ensuring that readers do not deal with purely hypothetical content when you are writing.  
  
Best of luck as always.
@jaypark00  
Hi there. Welcome to the forum. I hope you find this feedback helpful for your writing endeavors.  
  
First and foremost, I find that your general use of structure and punctuation is quite decent. There are no obvious mistakes that are to be found. While you still needed to be more cautious with packing your sentences with heftiness, there were only small instances wherein you were unable to have a smooth flow of writing. I heavily recommend that you cut down on excessive sentence lengths as these do not positively contribute to the overall content.  
  
Moreover, try to be more specific when you are explaining. Taking a look at your conclusion, you still needed to have a more step-by-step flow when you're trying to encapsulate your thoughts. You were successful in this area in the body paragraphs - however, you did lose track of doing so in the last portions of the text.
## AI is likely to replace repetitive jobs

  
  
Prompt:  
*Some people believe that eventually all jobs will be done by artificially intelligent robots. What is your opinion?*  
  
Answer: The development of artificial intelligence has given rise to the fear that all occupations will one day be replaced by robots. This essay will argue that although some jobs may be automated, others cannot be done by machines.  
  
Dull and dangerous jobs are likely to be done by robots in the future. Robots that do repetitive tasks tend to require less complex programming and are, therefore, less expensive. They can be cost-effective tools to deal with monotonous tasks. In fact, some markets have already replaced cashiers with check-out machines. Artificially intelligent robots may also do work in toxic environments in the place of human workers.  
  
However, some other jobs can never be done by machines. One example is professions that require creativity. This is because robots only carry out program instructions; they cannot generate new ideas. For example, fiction writers are unlikely to lose their job to AIs, because creativity lies at the very heart of their profession. Also, innovative engineers who develop new features for robots will not be replaced.  
  
Jobs that entail high communication skills can only be done by humans, too. For instance, psychology consultants provide clients with emotional care. Requiring experience and sharp instincts, the job is unlikely, if not impossible, to be acquired by robots.  
  
To conclude, in the next few years, AI is likely to replace repetitive jobs at an intimidating speed. But this does not mean it will make everyone unemployed, because jobs that involve creativity and interpersonal skills cannot be automated.
@TriceLiu  
Hi there!  
Let me provide you with feedback on your writing.  
  
You do quite well to list out lots of examples in the essay. I really appreciate that!  
However, it lacks some supporting sentence after your main idea. You can try to explain more in your writing.  
  
This essay will argue that....  
I seldom see the usage of "this essay" in IELTS writing.  
Perhaps you can rephrase it to "In my opinion, although..." or "I tend to agree that..."  
  
The purposes of third and fourth paragraph seem to be similar, you can try to combine them together or add some new ideas in the fourth paragraph.The latter one is a little bit too short!  
  
Gook luck for your learning !
Can anyone provide me with some feedback for this IELTS Task 2 question? Does it need more "advanced/academic words" or complex structures?  
Thank you very much in advance  
  
## parks or sporting centres more crucial than shopping areas?

  
  
**Question: When new towns are planned. It is important to build more public parks and sport facilities rather than shopping centre for people to spend their free times. To what extent do you agree or disagree.  
  
Answer:**  
  
Nowadays, many big towns and cities are built to accommodate the living of many people. The authorities have to ensure that the new towns are capable of providing adequate services for people not only to live but also to enjoy their times. It was suggested that building public facilities such as parks and sporting centre are at a higher priority than building places like shopping centres. I partly agree with this suggestion. I believe that having enough shopping centres is as important as having places for activities such as parks and sport centres.  
  
First of all, it is very important for a town to have parks and exercise areas, particularly in big cities where there are numerous skyscrapers and not enough green locations. A park creates a green environment where people can walk along the trees, relaxing and enjoying the quite moment after a long and busy day at work. It also helps cleanse the air, which can be very polluted due to human and machine activities. In addition, sport facilities give people space to exercise, play sports or just simply stretch their arms and legs after sitting in the office for too long. It also encourages people to spend more time doing physical activities, which are very beneficial for their mental and physical health.  
  
In the other hand, shopping centre are important for people to buy essential material and goods. The more people a city has, the more shopping centre is required. This is to ensure that there is no overload occurring to any centre and the roads surround it. Furthermore, many people enjoy window shopping and air conditioned areas, particularly in hot and humid cities such as Ho Chi Minh city. Having more shopping centres will encourage people to go out and have a look, potentially to buy something, which will eventually contribute to the development of the city's economy.  
  
In conclusion, both shopping centres and public facilities are very critical for the development of a town or city. It is important to ensure that there are enough spaces and within the city as well as money to build those facilities. Perhaps encouraging the participation of private sector in building these facilities is a good option for the authority.
Hi! I spotted that change in tense in a sentence" It was suggested that ...." should this sentence be present tense?  
  
And how about this into:  
Nowadays, authorities are required to build enough amenities such as shopping centers and parks for the well-being of their residents. Some people argue over whether to prioritize building sport facilities over having shopping centers in their neighborhood. I partially support this argument, as lack of commercial areas may pose several inconveniences to our community.
## Technology and environmental problems

  
  
*Development in technology has brought environmental problems. Some think that people need to have simpler lifestyles in order to solve the problems. Others,however, believe technology itself is the solution. Discuss both views and give opinions*  
  
Undoubtedly, technological advancement put the environment at risk. Some people suppose that tranquil lifestyle can alleviate the problem. However, others argue that the environmental issue can be tackled by technology itself. Both viewpoints have their own validity.  
  
On the one hand, living under economical condition can be beneficial for several reasons. With the help of technology, excessive use of packaged food is prevalent which damages severely the natural habitats. For this reason, simple lifestyle seems to be a viable solution which reduce the over-consumption. Consequently, the rivers and roads are not heavily contaminated due to household waste. More importantly, this way of living can promote people's well-being, especially mental health. Adopting minimalism can refresh people's mind and release anxiety and depression. They are not overwhelmed by the variety of products on the internet which causes stresses and strains.  
  
On the other hand, the fact that high-tech devices prove fruitful in preserving the environment may be true to some extent. Obviously, with the proliferation of mass media, the profound impacts of technological progress are undeniable. Therefore, it is a useful tool for people to raise awareness of environmental issue. The users have access to the update information to gain knowledge about severity and urgency of the problem. Moreover, celebrities can inspire people to take actions under their influences. Additionally, in the world of speed, people from all over the world can interact with others about the ecological balance to make the situation more commonplace. Eventually, people are affected tremendously by the power of media.  
  
On balance, technology has its own merits and demerits. From my point of view, people should make good use of it and minimize the drawbacks of technology for the sake of the environment.
Hello~  
  
Generally speaking, the use of sentences and vocabulary are both very well in your essay.  
  
I only have a few suggestions. Firstly, you are good at using conjunctions and adverbs in your sentences, which makes readers able to read the essay clearly. However, it seems like you overuse them, especially in the third paragraph ( obviously, therefore, additionally... ). They appear immediately and frequently after one sentence. I believe you should find a balance of using them.  
  
Furthermore, the arguments in your third paragraph are actually quite similar. Maybe you can check the arguments again, delete the parts which are too repetitive and give some new ideas in it such as owing to the evolution of technology, the process of production has been simplified and less contaminated.  
  
Hope my suggestions are helpful for you~
Hello there,  
I appreciate for your ideas in the essays!  
Here are my suggestions. Feel free to change your essay like I did or not.  
  
1. With the help of technology, excessive use of packaged food is prevalent ....  
"with the help of technology" sounds little bit strange because technology leads to the excessive use of packaged food.  
"packaged food " could be changed into "packaged products " because you didn't mention food in the following sentences.  
  
2. More importantly, this ... Adopting minimalism ...  
  
It might be better if changing the sequence of these two sentence.  
More importantly, adopting minimalism lifestyle can refresh ... They are not overwhelmed by ... This way of living can promote people's ...  
  
3. Obviously, with the proliferation of ...  
To be honest, this sentence is not clear to summarize the influence of media in the following lines.  
  
Best of luck as always.
## the processing of beer

  
  
**Question:** The diagram below shows the various stages involved in the production of beer  
  
**Answer:**  
  
The flow chart illustrates the processing of beer from raw material to a final product.  
Overall, there are ten stages in the process, beginning with malted barley milling and ending with product packaging and delivery.  
  
The first stage of the beer production is that malted barley Is milled in a miller, then the barley powder is mixed with water and is mashed in a mashing machine. Subsequently, the mixture is lautered in a special tank and the spent grain is separated from the mixture after this stage. In boiling stage, the liquid after lautering is boiled and then transferred to a whirlpool. In the whirlpool, sugar and hops are added to mix with the boiled liquid. After that, the mixture is cooled by a heat exchanger.  
  
At the fermentation stage, the cooled liquid is fermented with yeast in a fermentation tank. Carbon dioxide and remaining yeast are removed from the tank after fermentation process and the fermented liquid is matured in some tanks for a certain period before it is filtered by a filter. Finally, the filtered liquid is packaged and delivered to consuming markets.  
  
[185 words]  
  
*
@phminh271  
Hi there. Welcome to the forum. I hope you find this feedback helpful in any way.  
  
The introductory line (first paragraph) is quite sufficient. You had a heads-on and straightforward approach to the written work, making it easier for people to fully comprehend your text. I would recommend trying to make more concise and shorter your sentences to enhance the overall outlook of your writing. For instance, if you take a look at your second paragraph, you should be able to simplify the length of your content even more.  
  
Try to evade the usage of unnecessary lines that do not help and improve your essay. Take a look at your last paragraph. There were instances wherein you were quite repetitive with your language. If you focus more on enhancing your written work by merging similar or synonymous texts, you'll have a more compact written work.
## The most common sports played in New Zealand

  
  
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of the most popular sports played by boys and girls in New Zealand in 2002. Overall, it is clearly that while 2 genders have approximately equal percentage in athletes, basketball and tennis, the others go in opposite direction.  
  
In terms of netball and swimming, while this figure of boys only makes up 1% and nearly 23% particularly, girls absolutely dominate boys with the rates of precisely 25% and nearly 22%, respectively. In basketbal and tennis, the percentage of girls is slightly lower than this of boys about 2%.  
  
Although boys have lower rates rates than girls do in swimming and netball, the proportion of boys is by far higher than that of girls in cricket, marital arts, soccer and other sports. Especially, boys joining in soccer greatly outnumbers girls around 25% to 5%, which is five times as much as the figure of girls. In other sportssuch as tennis and basketball, the percentage of boys participating in is higher than that of girls from 2% to 3%.  
  
*
@kirstenlee  
Hi there. Welcome to the forum. I hope you find this feedback helpful for your writing endeavors.  
  
First and foremost, I appreciate how compact your writing is. Because your writing is compact, it enables people to fully comprehend smaller chunks of text. In the long-run, this is potentially helpful for readers to fully understand more how the flow of text functions.  
  
I would only recommend that you try to incorporate more writing techniques that will make even more compact your text. For instance, take a look at the first sentence of your second paragraph. You could have merged together the two statistics that were found in this sentence to improve your maximization of space.  
  
Additionally, if you take a look at your last paragraph's first sentence, the paragraph is too packed with unnecessary details that you could have opted to remove.
Hello everybody,  
  
It would be great, if anyone could evaluate my essay for ietls writing task 2. I'm considering to take an IELTS exam.  
  
Best.  
  
## C-level employees

  
  
**Q:**  
**Companies should encourage employees who work in a high position to leave at the age of 55 in order to give opportunities to the new generation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?**  
  
You should write at least 250 words.  
  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  
  
**A:**  
It is frequently argued by some people that C-level employees should be forced to resign their jobs for the career's path of the young workers. Although I would claim that companies and corporations should have an effective career policy about how to employ the new generation, I think that there are various ways to open new occasions instead of making above 55 years old workers retired.  
  
On the one hand, nowadays, it has often claimed that since high-level workers have tendency to work as long as they can do, senior associates have no chances to doing their best, and showing their performances. Firstly, because of that life expectancy has been skyrocketing since last century, some people prefer to occupy their professionals until the day when they are retired or the time they are not capable of practicing their tasks. To give an example, it can be indicated that most of C-level employees are over 60 years old, and it can be said that some of people in high position at a company get their promotion at 50 years old. This circumstance leads visions of workers, and it affects people's approach regarding their careers. Secondly, the rate of increasing of the world population slightly exceeded the ratio of the business growth, the experts say. Some of researches show that to find a job is more demanding than before due to these new conditions. It is obvious that this issue require an effective policies and crucial strategies which should be applied by all players in labor markets.  
  
On the other hand, there are several solutions at this issue. Forcing people to leave at their position might have negative results in a long term projection. For example, this decision can discourage the other employers, and workers may lose their willingness to get a high level position job. Another key point is that 55 is very early age to be retired, and this policy may cause some financial problem related to social security services. For that reason, companies should consider having different options such as create new positions or building a new departments, and to design a valuable career path. The other beneficial way is that companies can try to employ these c-level people in another department especially they can use them to educate new employee.  
  
To conclude, even though I partly agree with the people who claim that the companies need to find out essential ways to give an opportunity for senior level workers, I believe that there are always different solutions and forcing people to leave at their jobs is not a reasonable option.
Hi there,  
  
You have demonstrated a decent vocabulary and command of grammar in the essay.  
  
However, the essay should have sticked to the prompt. The prompt is about whether C-level employees should be ENCOURAGED to retire at 55 whereas the essay discusses if they should be FORCED to do so. There is a big difference between "to encourage" and "to force".  
  
Also, the question is whether you agree that C-Level workers should be encouraged to retire at 55. In other words, it is about the pros and cons of retiring at the age of 55. The answer, however, dedicated an entire main paragraph to reasons why people retire late.  
  
Please always stick to the prompt and only answer the question you are asked. This is essential to securing a good writing score. Best of luck!
@TriceLiu  
Hi there. I'm here to provide writing feedback on your essay. I hope you find this helpful for your continuous learning.  
  
First and foremost, I find that the initial portions (introductory paragraph) were quite decent. You were able to reiterate your concerns without stretching the context of the essay. Regardless, the next paragraphs can still be improved if you had focused more on maintaining a compact language while writing. This pertains to having shorter sentences in order articulate with more clarity what you want to say. Take, for example, your second paragraph's first sentence. You could have opted for a more clear-cut writing approach when discussing how these incentive systems work.  
  
The last paragraph can also be improved. If you would expound on the last sentence, you would be able to have more meaning attached to these remarks.