dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hallo chacaaa.. Here I left suggestions for your writing. I hope it is as much helpful :)  
  
There is so Many anti-aging (...) tried by a billion OF women in the world.  
  
They had spent ~~much~~ time and ~~much~~ money ~~to be looked younger in their ages~~in order to look like younger .  
  
.. 71 years old grandmother ~~form~~from(misspelling) Bandung, Indonesia.  
  
She gave a review ~~about~~of the most tiring period she ....  
==> appears that **about** is not the right preposition to use in this sentence.  
  
... can be reached by many women, furthermore**,**(you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase 'furthermore') it gave the amazing ....  
  
Keep writing :)
The table describes the percentage of the secondary school attendance in four types of secondary school between 2000 and 2009. As overall, the table show clearly that the attendance of pupils at Specialist Schools, Grammar Schools, and Voluntary-Controlled Schools experienced a decline. Meanwhile, Community Schools go through increased.  
  
To begin, the pupils of Voluntary-Controlled Schools dropped from 52% to 20% or one-fifth. Similarly, a number of pupils at Grammar school also dropped an amount of 5% in 2005 and 7% for next four years. The percentage of student attendance at Specialist Schools also fell, despite not significantly.  
  
However, while three different types of secondary schools declined, a number of secondary students at Community Schools rise dramatically. Started from 12% in 2000, became 32% or nearly a third in 2005. The growth of attendance increased to 58% or over a half. In fact, while in minority, only 12%, in 2000, this table show a raising well over a half of all pupils attend at Community School for next nine years.  
  
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Hi Erwiin1..  
Let me give you some corrections..  
  
....  
As overall, the table shows clearly that the attendance of ...  
  
... at Grammar school also dropped an amount of(you could change it using : by ) 5% in 2005 and 7% estimate for next four years.  
...  
... students at Community Schools ~~rise~~rose dramatically.  
.., this table shows a raising well over a half ...  
  
good Job.  
I hope it could be helpful.
Many researchers who have doing research since decades ago. This research search risks at health from dangerous radiation from the wireless network. And to this day never find the answer. Wireless networks can be found anywhere for example in the workplace, home, and other public places. The wireless network streaming radio waves do not have a connection that looks like cable, but can be connected to mobile phones, laptops, speakers and others. It becomes a question, and worried about how the effects on health of the wireless network streaming radio wave.  
  
According to John Moulder, a professor emeritus of radiation oncology at the Medical College of Wisconsin. Radiation which is derived from the wireless network has become a scientific research since several years.In 2013, the Wi-Fi router to send and receive information using radio waves, which are a form of electromagnetic radiation.  
  
Some research suggests that high-frequency, lectromagnetic radiation can promote tumor growth and cancer.
**Hallo firaaaa. This my suggestions for your writing. Hope it can helps you.**  
  
~~Many~~A myriad of researchers who have ~~doing~~donetheir research since decades ago.  
==> the verb 'doing' should be in the **past** participle form  
  
This research ~~search~~looking forsome risks at (...) radiation ~~from~~byutilize the wireless network.  
  
And, to this day never find the answer. ==> it should be: They still unanswered the question for sure.  
  
Wireless networks can be found anywhere**,**(it's important to put the comma here) for example ....  
  
... that looks like A cable, but can be connected ..  
  
It becomes a question~~,~~(inappropriate to put the comma here) and worried about how the effects on THE health of ...  
  
... at the Medical College of Wisconsin. Radiation which is derived from the ...  
==> it should be connected and just one sentence. Don't need to full stop in the first sentence, because you want to continue to explain something.  
  
...high-frequency, ~~lectromagnetic~~electromagnetic(misspelling) radiation can promote ~~tumor~~tumuor growth and cancer.  
  
**Keep writing :)**
The table gives information about the outcome of two observation between 1997 and 2006. This event is important for most people which is consist of external and internal communication of people's job. Overall, the essential skill for external communication is dealing with people. After that, listening to partnerships carefully was the most important ability in the internal communication.  
  
As can be seen in external communication table 60 % employers believed dealing with people was necessary in 1997 and increased gradually to 65 % in 2006. Percentage of advising or caring for customers or clients is 36% in 1997 and changed in 2006 to 39%. In 1997, citizen think selling a product or service was no needed in their job, at the last position at 24% and decreased slightly by 3% in 2006  
  
On the other hand, there are six components in the internal communication. The highest percentage is listening partnerships carefully at 38% in 1997 and rose by 9% in 2006. The lowest responded in 1997, making speeches or presentations at 7% and increased gradually to 11% in 2006.  
  
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hello ryan ^.^  
your essay good enough but i would like to give some notes for your essay  
  
... the outcome of two observations~~between 1997 and 2006.~~ {you can put another choice without shown years or numbers in introduction >> over a ninth-year period  
  
~~After that~~ , { you can use other conjunction such as Meanwhile, while or furthermore etc.. } listening to partnerships carefully ...  
  
keep writing ^.^
Hi Riandi, please find my share of suggestions below;  
  
- observations between 1997 and 2006.  
- ~~After that, listening~~Listening to partnerships  
  
- As it can be seen in external communication  
- table, 60 % of employers  
- In 1997, ~~citizen~~people ( I believe this is a more appropriate term ) think selling a product  
- or service was not needed in their job,  
  
- is listening to partnerships carefully at 38%  
- The lowest one responded in 1997,  
  
There you have it Riandi, I hope the above remarks, however minor, will be able to help you in your revision and for future writing reference, in an analysis, make sure that it is as accurate as you can, mind the minor details of the given diagram of information and be sure to create an objective and straight forward analysis.
hello ryan31, here i left comment for you.  
  
The table **gives** ==>(you can paraphrase the word with shows, describes, illustrates, intences) information about the outcome of two observations between 1997 and 2006.  
Overall,it can be seen that, the essential skill for external ...  
  
On the other hand (you can paraphrase the word with in either way, on the other side, in spite of that) , there are six components...
The benefits of physical activity for older people usually only helps them to avoid injuries and disability; Physical activity can also include a quick recovery after injury. Other benefits of physical activity are to keep the heart, mind and body to stay healthy.  
  
Internal Medicine published a study in Annals, researchers led by Dr. Thomas Gill, professor of medicine at Yale University School of Medicine, followed more than 1,600 older people. Half of them began training regimens such as walking and strength and balance, and at the end of the study, the results are clear: people who exercise have a faster recovery time injuries by about 25%. "The benefit was not just limited to Preventing initial onset of disability but was Also effective in promoting recovery after a disability," says Gill. "Then, once the recovery occurred, the intervention was effective in Preventing subsequent episodes of disability."  
  
Most previous studies see the benefits of this exercise is only focused on whether physical activity can prevent disability. The new results show that exercise can also help them to spend time with useful activities. This exercise can work to make them fitter and stronger, therefore more able to bounce back after an injury such as a fall or illness. That means they may be able to recover faster if they suffered injury to their health.
HI Fox 19...  
here some corrections for you :)  
  
''such as walking and strength and balance ( too many 'And', besides you may use 'and' for the same word classes, such us ((noun AND noun / book and pencil))  
  
study, the results ~~are~~ were clear:  
  
who exercised have a faster recovery time  
  
This exercise can work to make them ~~fitter~~ more fit and stronger  
  
anyway, you can replace Older people with elderly people to be looked more polite  
  
Best wishes
Helo fox,  
You've done great. I had some suggest for you  
  
==> ... for older people usually only ~~helps~~ help them to avoid ...  
==> ... initial onset of disability but ~~was~~ also effective in promoting ...  
==> ... in Preventing subsequent episodes of disability." (~~Gill continued~~ )  
==> ... that exercise can ~~also~~ help them to spend time with useful activities.  
==> ... recover faster if they suffered (an ) injury to their health.  
  
Good luck and keep fighting :)  
Best Regards, Tami
**IELTS writing task 1: Secondary School Attendance**  
  
The table informs the figure of scholars who attend Secondary school in different four types during one decade from 2000 to 2009. Overall, it is noticeable that community school is the one which increased dramatically among all of school categories that had tendencies to go down or just stagnant.  
  
Community schools stood up at 12% as the lowest starting point. Afterwards, the proportion doubled in the middle of the decade and then these schools ended at the highest point in a half per cent. In contrast, Specialist Schools which had a same number as community schools in the beginning gradually decreased along the years and closed at one in ten.  
  
Apart from the previous comparison, Grammar Schools and voluntary-controlled Schools seemed down gradually where the bigger decline was Voluntary-controlled Schools at 20% in the 2009 that was almost twice lower than the beginning point. Afterwards, Grammar School noted a gradual downward trend above ten per cent from 24% in 2000 to 20% in the closing year.  
  
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Hi, rizaldohabibie  
  
Your essay is very good. I would give you suggestions:  
  
1. ~~Afterwards~~ (Afterward ), the proportion doubled in the middle ...  
2. Specialist Schools which had ~~a same~~ (the same ) ~~number as~~ (number of ) community schools in the beginning gradually ~~decreased along~~ (decreased over ) the years and closed at one in ten.  
  
3. ... Voluntary-controlled Schools at 20% ~~in the 2009~~ (in 2009 )  
4. ~~Afterwards~~ (Afterward ), Grammar School noted a gradual downward ...  
  
Thank you
**TED Summary: The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong by Amy Morin**  
  
According to Amy Morin, a practiced therapist, there is a term called 'Mind Trap', that is when someone's mental strength has been washed away by negative thoughts. She states that there are three Distractive Believes caused people less-effective. The first one is unhealthy believe about ourselves. It is when people are likely to magnify their misfortunes by complaining over and over about their terrible conditions. Secondly called unhealthy believe about others. Most of people assume that others might be able to control and validate their decision in life. They start comparing their achievements or envying others over their possessions. The last one is unhealthy believe about the world as people claim the world owes them for every misery they have suffered from.  
  
In correlated to the Distractive Believes, Amy suggests Brain Training as the appropriate problem solving. She highlights the wish for the world to be fair is impossible since it does not work that way. When facing such a hard time, go through and conquer it!  
  
Source:
Hi, Fitri12  
  
Your essay is very good. I would give you suggestions:  
  
1. According to Amy Morin, a practiced therapist. (The word practiced doesn't seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one)  
2. The first one is ~~unhealthy~~ (unhealthy to ) believe about ourselves.  
3. The last one is ~~unhealthy~~ (unhealthy to ) believe about the world as people claim ...  
  
Thank you
A good news for at least 565.000 Americans who suffer chronic disease as Case Western Reserve University has announced a finding regarding a fungus identified as a common threat in patients' body. It might be a great step in order to find better treatments and a cure. This study compares the fungi and bacteria level in patients and found two bacteria namely Escherichia coli and Serratia marcescens and one fungus namely Candida tropicalis. The researchers explain "the presence of all three in the sick family members was significantly higher compared to their healthy relatives, suggesting that the bacteria and fungus interact in the intestines." However, even with this result of research, the researchers are still unable to specify the main precipitators and contributors of chronic disease since sharing diet and environment could affect, as well.
Costarica is one developing country which located at right in the middle of Americas. It country have nearly five million people. Actually they had fossil fuel, but this resource not generated for their electrity because it focusly to supply their electricity transportation system for next period. So that their can power their cars, buses, and trains. In the future, in 2022, this country are already trying electric buses and cars that can save money and reduce pollution. On the other hand, surprisingly this country had other alternative energy resources that fulled by 70 per cent of electricity. It found from five renewable resources: hydropower, geothermal, wind, solar, and biomass. This energy comes from water in their rivers, heat from volcanoes, wind turbines, solar panels, and biowaste. There are 3 reasons why Costarica make and choose this plan, but the major reason is "*the world is hungry of new inspiration*".
hi  
  
**Alamsyah Ismail**  
you write very well. However, there are several significant points which you should pay more attention.  
  
~~Costarica~~ Costa Rica is one OF developing ~~country~~ Countries **( not only Costa Rica is developing countries, but many other countries also)**~~which~~ located at right ...  
  
~~It~~ THIS country have nearly five million ~~people~~ INHABITANT. Actually **,** (PUT COMMA HERE) ~~they~~ THIS COUNTRY had fossil fuel, but this resource IS not generated for their ~~electrity~~ ELECTRYCITY because it ~~focusly to~~ FOCUSES ON supply their electricity ...  
  
So **,** (PUT COMMA HERE) ~~that~~~~their~~ IT can power their cars...  
... in 2022, this country ~~are already trying~~**WILL ATTEMPT TO GENERATE** electric buses and cars ...  
On the other hand, surprisingly **,** (PUT COMMA HERE) this country had ...  
There are 3 reasons why ~~Costarica~~ Costa Rica ~~make~~ MAKES and ~~choose~~ CHOOSES this plan, but the major ...  
  
[quote ]**note :**[/quote]  
**Pay attention on  
Punctuation  
subject verb agreement  
spelling  
collocation  
lexical resource**  
  
*keep trying*
hai andika  
I have several suggestions for you  
  
Costarica is one **of the**] developing country (...) in the middle of America~~s~~ . ~~It~~**This** country have nearly five millions people.  
  
Actually, they had fossil fuel, (...) generated for their ~~electrity~~**electricity** because it focusly to ...  
  
So that their can power **for** their cars, buses, and trains.  
  
It found from five renewable resources **consist o f** hydropower, geothermal, ...  
  
This energy comes from water in ~~their~~ rivers, heat from volcanoes, wind ...  
  
thank you
Hallo bro,  
  
There are several correction for you,  
  
Costarica is one of developing country which ...  
..It ~~country~~ have nearly five million people.  
... but this resource did not generate~~d~~electrical power for them~~for their electrity~~ because they focus~~it focusly~~ to supply the~~their~~ electricity transportation ...  
..So ~~that their~~ they can produce power to their cars, ...
Hi Alam,after reading your summary, i have some suggestions, perhaps useful for you.  
1. Costarica is one of the developing countries which located at right side in the middle of Americas.  
2. wrong spelling word  
~~electrity~~ ----> electricity  
3. ~~It~~ country have nearly five million people. ----> This country have nearly five million citizens  
4.~~So that their can power their cars, buses, and trains.~~ ------> So they can produce power for their cars, buses, and trains.
Indonesia popular with a lot of sites that shows the good scenery of nature. And also famous with a wide variety of flora and fauna. One of the type flora from Indonesia is often called to as the biggest flora in the world and the nearly extinct, namely Arnoldii Rafflesia. This flower has grown in two places, namely in Bengkulu and in Sumatra.  
  
Many people who wanted to see live the largest flower in the world and almost extinct, the public could witness this rare event and can come to Taba Penanjung Forest in Central Bengkulu district, or to dam Monok Kepahiang Forest District.  
  
Rafflesia Arnoldi Flower has attracted much attention of the public to view from the first bloom. Based on Gerhana.co. "People have come to visit, although it is not a holiday. The location is also not too deep in the forest."
Hi Mate ,,,  
  
Indonesia IS A COUNTRY WHICH IS popular with a lot of BREATHTAKING sites ~~that shows the good scenery of nature.~~ . ~~And also~~ THIS IS REDUNDANCY,,, CHOOSE ONE OF THEM ( ALSO OR AND) famous ~~with~~ FOR a wide variety of ...  
  
One of the type flora ORIGINALLY from Indonesia PARTICULARLY IN BENGKULU. THIS IS often called Arnoldii ...  
HOWEVER, THIS FLOWER IS BECOMING MORE AND MORE ENDANGERED  
  
~~to as the biggest flora in the world and the nearly extinct, namely Arnoldii Rafflesia~~ . This flower has grown in two places, namely in Bengkulu and in Sumatra.  
  
THESE DAYS, ~~Many people~~ FOR THOSE who wanted to see ~~live~~ ORIGINAL HABITAT OF SUCH FLOWER, ~~the largest flower (...) almost extinct~~ , ~~the public could witness this rare event and~~ THEY can ~~come~~ VISIT ~~to~~ Taba Penanjung Forest in ...  
  
AS THIS FLOWER BECOME ENDANGER, THIS ~~Rafflesia Arnoldi Flower has~~ attracted much attention of ...  
Based on ~~Gerhana.co.~~ GERHANA SITE, "People have come to visit  
  
,  
NOT NECESSARY TO PUT COMMA HERE although it is not a holiday.  
  
VITAL NOTE:  
  
PAY ATTENTION ON :  
1. SUBJECT VERB AGREEMENT  
2.THE PRECISE PLACE OF PUNCTUATION  
3 GRAMMATICAL ACCURACY  
S+V ALTOUGH S + V OR ALTHOUGH S V, S V  
4 LEXICAL RESOURCE  
THE MOST APPROPRIATE VOCABULARY FOR LANDSCAPE ARE BREATHTAKING, STUNNING, MARVELOUS, PICTURESQUE AND SO ON  
5. ATTEMPT TO WRITE WELL-ORGANIZE PARAGRAPH
HI Att  
Let me give you some advice...  
  
And also famous ~~with~~(for) a wide variety ...  
... Indonesia is often called ~~to~~ as the biggest flora in ..  
... places, namely in Bengkulu and~~in~~ Sumatra.  
  
... witness this rare event and ~~can~~ come to Taba Penanjung Forest in ...  
  
Actually you summarization are quite good  
Keep writing...
The table below compares the outcome of necessary of communication skills for employees based on two observations, over a ninth-year period. At a glance, it shows that external communication has the most essential talent which affects employees to deal with all part of work aspects. Meanwhile, being a good listener to other worker can assist for a particular of internal skills.  
  
Turning on, the percentage by two surveys for external communication skills between 1997 and 2006 rose slightly by 5 % for dealing with people, 6 % for experience services or products and 3% for caring for customers, and the only one ability for making deal just for selling a product or service fell slightly by 2 %. To compare, between internal skills and external skills, the highest percentage is showed by dealing with customers.  
  
On the other side, the percentage showed by the survey for internal communication abilities between 1997 and 2006 increased steadily by 1% for planning the activities of others, 4 % for making speeches or presentations, 5 % for training people and influencing others, 6 % for analyzing problems together with others, and 9 % for being good listener with other employees which is also being the most largest percentage in internal skills.  
  
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Hi Eva,  
  
I would like to mention some of your weaknesses in order to make you able to strengthen them in the next IELTS writing practice. I hope you can follow through.  
  
- In the first sentence of the first paragraph "over a ~~ninth-year~~nine-year period.", using ordinal number is not appropriate.  
- Percentage symbol should not be separated from the number like what you've done in your essay. Therefore, writing "5%" is correct and writing "5 %" is not.  
  
- Some grammatical flaws still appear in this essay. Tenses inconsistencies were also there. Those are as follows:  
  
>> which ~~is~~was also ~~being~~ the ~~most~~largest percentage. (remember, large is one syllable)  
>> the highest percentage ~~is~~was showed by dealing with customers.  
  
You need to be careful next time. If using past form is the most appropriate one, try to be consistent in using that in the entire essay (except your introduction. It must be in the present form) . By considering all of my feedback above, I hope you can do better in the next practice :)
Hi eve01,after reading your summary, i have some suggestions, perhaps useful for you.  
1.over a ~~ninth-year~~ period.----> nine period  
2. ~~the most~~ largest ----> The largest (for superlative), not the most largest  
3.1997 and 2006 rose slightly by 5 % for dealing with people, 6 % for experience services or products and 3% for caring for customers, (...) fell slightly by 2 % . ---> sometimes you can use "very small number" for change 5%, 6%, etc.  
  
4.consistent with your tenses
***The table below gives the results of two surveys, in 1997 and 2006, in which people were asked which communication skills were essential in their jobs.*  
  
*Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.***  
  
The table presented illustrates the percentage of two conducted surveys in 1997 and 2006 about the significant level of communication skills in work place. The skills are grouped into external communication and internal communication. At a glance, it can be seen obviously that both of trends witnessed a dramatical increase.  
  
The data shows that internal communication skills saw a considerable rise to 10 percent in instructing or training people. Then, persuading or influencing others skill went up to 21% from 16%. Moreover, the ability of making speeches or presentations climbed by 4 percent. The next three skills; analysing problems together with others, planning the activities of others and listening carefully to colleagues as well experienced an increase of 6%, 1%, and 9% respectively.  
  
Furthermore, the other communication skills (external communication skills) have no significant difference in its change. All of the external communication skills improved unless the ability to sell a product or service. The latter skill dipped by 3%. Meanwhile, knowledge of particular products or services and advising or caring for cutomers or clients and dealing with people witnessed a rise of 6%, 3%, and 5% respectively.  
  
*