dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**"Young people are much more aware of and concerned about issues like the environment, poverty, and animal welfare than previous generations. What is your own opinion?"**  
  
## the knowledge about problems in the world

  
  
Despite the world being modernized on a day-to-day basis, problems such as the environment, underdevelopment and animal welfare have also aroused public concern. This has led to the question whether or not the youth are aware of these issues. I personally do agree that young generations are well-informed about such problems thanks to advancement in technology and better education system.  
  
To begin with, improvement in technology plays a vital role in supporting a child to get access to information more easily than their former generations. As new studies about environmental problems or articles about poverty and animal protection are posted on the internet everyday, youngsters can keep themselves updated by using computers or smartphones, which their parents could not do years ago. Therefore, there is no doubt that the young are claimed to be more aware about global issues than adults.  
  
Furthermore, modern education system contributes to instruct children to know more about the environment, how to help the poor and how to treat animals. Textbooks are being re-edited yearly to add new information with the aim to educate adolescents, especially Sciences. Teachers, in addition, are changing their teaching method to inform students more effectively. Young people can be more concerned to such problems by going to school since it is believed to be a more reliable source than anywhere else.  
  
Some people hold the opinion that young generation who are disinterested about global issues declare that they only care about fashion and newly released video games. However, it should be noted that most fashion shows now use environmental-friendly material to remind everyone to save the environment. There are also a great number of games that include moral lessons to educate young players to protect animals or help unfortunate people. Hence, not all youngsters take no notice of hot topics just because they spend more time on their hobbies.  
  
In conclusion, with the help of technology and education, young generations may be more aware and concerned about issues related to the environment and starvation these days than their parents or grandparents. There is also a huge need in providing them with more reliable sources to get information about these problems so that they can know about what is happening around the world.  
  
*That is my whole writing of the topic. I appreciate your time giving me feedback. Thank you!*
Toan, do not over complicate the paraphrasing in your opening paragraph. You are relating information that is not included in the original prompt and, if you are not careful, could cause you to change the prompt discussion into one that does not reflect the original prompt instructions. The simplest way of paraphrasing this topic is something similar to what I am presenting below:  
  
*A comparison of the current generation's interest in social issues such as the environment, animal rights, poverty, and other concerns with the older generation has been discussed recently. It is believed that the new generation has come out as much more aware and concerned regarding the aforementioned issues. My opinion is that the younger generation does have a keen interest in these topics when compared to the past generations. The reasons why I believe this will be discussed in this essay.*  
  
Your line of reasoning is sound. However, you should not have presented the second point of view in this essay. You see, any essay that asks you to discuss your point of view alone means that you should spend the 3 body paragraphs defending your point of view alone. No other information is required. Presenting 2 points of view causes a prompt deviation that changes the parameters of discussion from the original requirements. You could fail the test when you do that because you should a lack of English comprehension skills. Just make sure to use the first person pronouns throughout the essay in order to remind the reader that you are presenting your point of view alone and nothing more.  
  
This could have been a pretty good essay if you had stuck to the prompt requirements. Try to do that with your upcoming essays. The minute to properly paraphrase and discuss the essay in the manner expected, you will be a shoo-in to pass the test.
## the significance of speaking and writing

  
  
Both the ability of writing and speaking are the basic tools for us to make a live in the society. When it comes to the question of whether the speaking competence is more decisive than writing ability, people varying in education backgrounds and professions tend to have distinctive views.  
  
However, I am in favor of the statement that speaking competence is more essential than writing capability. People with excellent speaking ability are more likely to succeed. Since the eloquent people can express themselves easily and persuade people to favor their thoughts.  
  
For instance, in ancient china, a diplomat of Qin dynasty named Yizhang accomplish the task excellently using his communication skills. His extraordinary persuasion make the rival countries believe that their cooperation with Qin dynasty would be beneficial to them instead of allying with each other against Qin dynasty. Consequently, the Qin dynasty gradually unified the whole china.  
  
Moreover, a competent speaker is easier to make friends with people. People trend to build a good relationship with one who can express his feelings and views accurately and vividly. Besides, a good speaker always means that he is humor and open mind, which are key factors when we choose friends. My roommates Lin who was not good at speech was always disappointed that he was a unpopular man. He always feels lonely because he has no friends. What is more, he was too shy to speak with others. His change occur when I recommend a book named the art of speech to him, which help people who have difficulty in speech improve their speaking competence. Over the past two years, he practiced the skills of communication constantly and thus became more and more open and have many friends.  
  
The speaking ability is also critical in our careers. Almost all the vacations need the skill of communication. A teacher need a excellent speech competence to impart knowledge to students. A lawyer has to acquire a outstanding persuasion ability to help his client. In a globalized age it is inevitable that people from various country with different cultures would have to cooperate with each other. Hence people need pay more attention to speaking competence .  
  
All in all, with the above careful analysis of the significance of speaking and writing, we can tell that people with strong capability in speaking enjoy more opportunities to promote and publicize oneself, and people who lack of such ability will obviously fail to achieve that.
Feng, the next time you post an essay for review, kindly tell us what the purpose of the writing is (speech, IELTS, TOEFL, writing practice, etc.) so that we will know how to analyze the content of your essay. If possible, kindly include the original instructions from the prompt or your professor so that we can have a starting point for analyzing your essay. Believe me, you will receive better advice when you start doing that.  
  
This is a pretty good essay that only suffers because of the examples you present. While I can understand why you chose to use an ancient Chinese ruler as an example, not all of your readers / listeners will be familiar with that person. This could cause them to be confused or disinterested in the discussion you are presenting. Try to go with a more contemporary or recent example. Anybody from the 20th century who had a problem with speaking in public would be a good choice. A Google search would be able to help you with that. Remember, anybody before the 20th century will most likely not be familiar to most of your readers / listeners, unless you are dealing with a specific demographic of readers or listeners who may be familiar with these older examples you provided.  
  
At this point, I have to point out that you made some grammatical mistakes in using English words such as: "People trend to build..." should be; "People TEND to build..." Trend means a prevailing tendency while the term tend means to " go or move in a particular direction." Be sure to always use the term in the right context. If necessary, look up the word meaning before you use it. An additional mistake is "My roommates Lin..." Since Lin is only one person, that is the singular form of the word and should be indicated as "My roommate..." Roommate is the singular form of the plural word that you used. Let's include "his change occur", which happened in the past so you should use the past tense of the word as in, "his change occurred..." These small mistakes take a tremendous amount of good impression away from your written work. By the way, the title of a book is considered a proper noun and should be capitalized in your essay.  
  
Review your writing rules as it seems like you have the most problems in that section of your writing. Everything else can be considered a minimal error and can be overlooked. The more major ones, as I pointed out above, have a direct effect on your presentation and needs to be addressed for correction.
Could you please help me correct this report?  
Thanks  
  
## Seminar report review

  
  
This seminar was about the nuts and bolts of the graduate program presented by Dr. David Johnson. The purpose of the seminar was to help new graduate students know the rules of ECE department and also the requirements for graduate school. It was noted that the students attending the graduate seminar must follow the following four outlined rules; first of all, students are not allowed to sit in the back two rows. Secondly they cannot look at their cellphones or computers during the talk. Thirdly they should not come to the seminar late otherwise they will be given assignment to compensate their lateness. And the last rule is that it should be asked at least five questions after following the talk otherwise students cannot leave the seminar room.  
  
After this presentation, Henry one of the IT and computing administrators of ECE department gave a talk about the resources and IT services they provide for students. He also informed about the computing clusters and the way students can make use of them.  
  
After Henry presentation, Dr David Johnson talked about Virginia tech ethics systems and graduate and also under graduate honor system. He mentioned about the NSF Responsible Conduct Research online training and explained why it is important and it should be retaken every three years as long as the student is being funded for his/her research by NSF. Some of the lessons learned are the following; If a journal paper having something that consists of plagiarism is written and is discovered after it is published, not only the student but all the people involved in the paper will be in trouble. Dr Johnson  
  
went over some case studies along with an interactive questions and suggested solutions. For instance, he also talked about the student who had some kind of plagiarism in his term paper and discussed the proper reactions to that student since his not been achieved and could be corrected.  
  
Or he noted that there is a difference between the plagiarism which is done by the first year student and a student who is about to get his PhD. And also there is a big difference between a plagiarism which is archived and the one which is not yet published.  
  
In the last part of the seminar, he talked about Ombudsperson, the service offered by graduate school who is a neutral person to solve the problems between student and his/her adviser or committee. Then he talked about the differences between MEng (course based degree) and MSc degree (research based). He defined different type of degrees' requirements and also PhD milestones. That was pretty much what was discussed in the seminar and as a whole, the purpose of the seminar was to bring together the information which is necessary for new graduate and international students.
Bonita, the summary regarding Henry is too short and uninformative. You need to expand on the discussion that he presented. Include some topic overview sentences. You don't have to go into detail about it but, you have to let the reader know that there was an interesting amount of discussion in his presentation as his information is also relevant to your survival as a student. An academic paper cannot start a sentence with "Or" as that connotes that a previous, but related discussion has already been presented. Since no statement has been previously made, you cannot use "Or" in that place in the sentence. Neither can you use the word "And" at the start of the sentence for the same academic reasons. Be cognizant of the English writing rules as you are now a masters degree student and you will be held to a higher academic writing standard than a regular college student. You should develop a concluding statement for the essay. This could be based upon the 5 questions that you posed which helped you to better understand the requirements and expectations of the student and professor of each other or, you could just summarize what you understood and how you hope to perform well as a student this semester. Right now, the essay feels like it is hanging. It isn't really closed in its manner of presentation so try to develop an impressive closing statement if you can.
## shared book reading and parent-child relation

  
  
Many children heard lots of stories from their parents. However, some people think that parents is unnecessary to tell their children stories since children can read from various kinds of materials. In my opinion, telling stories by parents are benefit for children.  
  
Reading stories together helps bonding the relationship between parents and children. Nowadays, working parents spend most of time for work rather than family. Their children may feel lonely and disconnect to their parents. Spending some time to read the story together could be an effective way to build the connection to each other. During the reading time, both parents and children share their viewpoint to each other which can develop strong relationship between them,  
  
Furtherly, listening stories from parents helps children's brain development. By listening stories from parents, children are able to improve their memory as well as comprehension skills. It is helpful for them to improve academic performance.  
  
However, it is undeniable that reading stories by children themselves can increasing their independence. By reading stories alone, children can develop their independent thinking skills. It makes them more dependent and confident. What is more, children can easier find their interest by reading stories on their own rather than listening stories from parents because children have freedom to choose what they are interest in.  
  
In conclusion, whether told stories by parents or reading alone are benefit for children. I am quit believe that listening stories from parents are very important for children since children not only may develop induvial skills but also the parent-child relationship.
**I have made grammatical edits to your essay in blue, and suggestions in red.**  
  
Many children ~~heard~~ hear lots of stories ...  
... think that ~~parents is unnecessary~~ it is unnecessary for parents to tell their ...  
In my opinion, ~~telling stories~~ stories told by parents are ~~benefit~~ beneficial for children.  
  
... helps bonding and the relationship ...  
... spend most of their time ~~for~~ at work rather than with family.  
... lonely and ~~disconnect to~~ disconnected from their parents.  
... to read ~~the~~ a story together (...) way to build ~~the~~ their connection to each other. During ~~the~~ reading time, (...) their viewpoint ~~to~~ with each other which can ~~develop~~ aid the development of a strong relationship between them.  
  
~~Furtherly~~ Furthermore, listening to stories from ...  
... improve their memory, as well as ...  
~~It is helpful for them to improve academic performance.~~ It also helps improve their academic performance.  
  
However, it is undeniable that ~~reading stories by children themselves~~ reading stories on their own can ~~increasing their~~ increase children's independence.  
It makes them more dependent and confident.[1] What is more [2], children can ~~easier~~ easily find their interest (...) to choose what booksthey are interest in.  
  
In conclusion, whether ~~told stories~~ stories are told by parents or when a child is reading alone, there are benefits for children. I ~~am quit [3]~~ truly believe that listening to stories from parents ~~are~~ is very important (...) may develop ~~induvial~~ individual skills, but also ...  
  
[1]This sentence repeats content that was said before. I would recommend taking it out or putting in more detail about the ways reading can help children.  
  
[2]By "What is more," I think you meant "What's more," which isn't really used in formal writing. "What is more" just doesn't sound right. Maybe replace it with "Moreover."  
  
[3] Not quite sure what you wanted to say here.  
  
**Nice work, the essay just needs a little tweaking to sound fluent. I think that it would be helpful to other editors if you could provide the essay prompt so that we can help you with the content of your essay. Hope this helps.**
Your essay has some grammar mistakes but Wulf has helped you to fix them already. I have some suggestions for you. You are discussing two opposing aspects of the matter: the benefits when children listen to stories from their parents. On the other hand, children can gain benefits when reading by themselves. Therefore, I think you should divide the body into two paragraphs:  
  
1) the benefits when children listen to stories from their parents  
2) children can gain benefits when reading by themselves  
  
However, I think the topic want you to focus on child-parent relation more and its meanings. Therefore, you can discuss your essay by telling benefits when parents reading books for their children only.
Raven, while the advice regarding the grammar changes in your essay is good, a more accurate analysis of your essay is not possible. You have not provided us with the prompt instructions, that is the topic for discussion and discussion instruction, for our baseline in reviewing your essay. It is imperative that you always post the original instructions you were provided in order to allow the contributors to make relevant observations and advice regarding your completed written work.  
  
Basically, the problem with your essay is that the second paragraph uses terms such as furtherly, which is part of archaic English vocabulary that is limited in modern use to scientific writing. An IELTS essay requires more commonly used terms and word considerations. So if you wanted to use the term "further" in this instance, the term should have been "futhermore", which means "in greater addition to". By the way, you need to be careful in writing your essay. Always make sure that you proof read for punctuation errors. At the end of paragraph two, you have a comma, which indicates that additional information is to follow, instead of a period, which would have signified the end of a sentence. Little errors like that mean marked points deduction in your GRA score.  
  
Another sentence structure issue has to do with your presentation in paragraph 4. You were implying that reading alone makes children independent, and yet, in the second sentence, you said  
  
It makes them more dependent and confident  
This is a contradiction in terms so you have to make sure that you use consistent descriptive words. Otherwise, you end up changing the meaning in one sentence and rendering your total paragraph confusing. This will result in more deducted points for you.
***People naturally resist making changes in their lives. What kind of problems can this cause? What solutions can you suggest?***  
  
## reluctance to change

  
  
It is not uncommon that resistance to change is a striking human's instinctive trait. Although there will undoubtedly be some negative consequences, some steps can be taken to mitigate these potential problems.  
  
Being reluctant to change can decelerate human evolution and civilization. If early human races' inner fears of the unknown were far greater than an eagerness to find new homes, they wound be content with their status quo and and the turning point in human evolution was unlikely to take place. From individual perspective, resistance to change is the biggest obstacle preventing excellence. For example, employees may not bring out the best in them since the dread of failure outweighs the rewards, leading to a monotonous world where people are afraid to be different. This means either world famous inventors or advanced gadgets would not exist while outbreak of epidemics would threaten existence of human beings.  
  
However, there are several actions can be taken to solve the problems described above. Firstly, organizations should promote a culture where changes are encouraged. By being tolerate to losses and rewarding innovation, uncertainties will be replaced by excellence and other scientific breakthroughs. In addition, competition should be held both locally and internationally to fuel major successes in all areas. By taking part in a contest, contestants have to present and defend their most compelling ideas in order to achieve highest prize. Kickstarter and other crowdfunding platforms have proved their efficiency in inspiring and empower young people to make changes for the better. An increasing number of ideas turning into real-life commodities, in fact, shows a brighter outlook for the future of human kind.  
  
In conclusion, while struggling to change hinders evolution of human being to individual level, a transparent and supporting culture may eliminate the risks involved in change process, thereby boost revolution in every domain of life.