dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
chieh, your total essay is not making any sense. None of your sentence have subjects and your topic sentences per paragraph seem to be absent in every paragraph you write. There is a clear lack of coherence and cohesiveness in your presentations so that the overall essay will actually fail because it does not have enough proper representation of any of the scoring criteria to warrant a passing consideration. Your English level, based upon this presentation is nothing more than a beginner's level of understanding. Yet, you are trying to write a full essay in coherent English. That is why you failed to properly represent your thoughts in this essay. You lack the proper English know how to have been able to do so. Before you can start writing an English essay of even the simplest form, you must first, have enough knowledge and understanding of the English words, grammar presentation, and meaning. Otherwise, you end up with these types of presentation errors. Unworthy of the time that it took for you to write it. Develop your English vocabulary first. Then try to write a simple essay based on a simple essay topic. Right now, you lack the ability to do even that.
## measuring the success of a person

  
  
From the ancient time, there has been a great conspiracy among the people to judge the success of individuals. Where some of them believe that money and control over the things gives the correct measure of success, others opine differently. I personally agree with this notion. This essay sheds lights on the relevant reasons supporting my viewpoints.  
  
The first and foremost reason is, with the help of money people are able to buy luxuries for themselves, which show their high status in the society. Moreover, now a days people always praise those person who are spending their lives lavishly. Moving to the next reason, success of the individuals umpired by whether they are able to fulfill their needs or not, for which money plays a great role. Furthermore, they are able to provide good education to their children and food for their family. In last if a person has a good amount of money, he can easily manage their life and able to control the things happening around them. Furthermore, they can easily help others in terms of financial situations, which in turn helps them to earn respect among needy.  
  
On the flip side, critics disagree as they believe money can not buy happiness, which is one of the most significant method to expedite the triumph of a person. In spite of having a numerous amount of money, they are unable to spend a quality time with their families. In addition to this, social life of persons also consider as one of the most important factor while governing their achievements. Many of them are indulge in a rat race to earn more and more money in account of their health and time, that they are not able to see the beauty of life.  
  
To conclude, although happiness and social life is necessary for measuring the success of a person, but assets and riches of a person are always consider as the first factor to judge the success of a person..  
  
please friends give me feedback and tell me my grammar mistakes. I'm preparing for ielts . I do many grammatical mistakes. can anyone tell me how to solve this problem
Hi, the followings are revised by me. Hope that will help you.  
  
I think one way to improved grammar is to use shorter sentences. Don't try to write a sentence includes lots of information and then you might be able to use grammar correctly. Another way is to remember the part of speech. Moreover, your essay is full of "which" that you want to mean the whole previous sentences. I am not so sure about the grammar, but using these might will also lead you to make mistakes.  
  
~~Where~~ While some ...  
  
... reason is~~,~~ that with the help of money, people ..., ~~which~~ showing their ...  
  
Moreover, nowadays people ...  
  
... reason,whensuccess of the individuals is umpired ... or not, ~~for which~~ money plays a great role.  
  
... respect among the needy.  
  
In addition ~~to this~~, social life of persons is also considered as ...  
  
... are indulged in a rat race ... As a result, they are ...  
  
... of a person, ~~but~~ assets ... considered as the first ...
Shristi, your first two paragraphs are irrelevant to the prompt questions. The questions posed before you all require you to think about your current profession, how you plan to grow your position or gain promotions so that you can receive more responsibility in exchange for higher pay as you pursue your advocacy, and what your relevant background in the field is. Right now, this sounds more like a college application personal statement than a masters degree personal statement. You don't sound professional at all in this essay. All of the experiences that you relate do not sound like you have taken the time to understand what information the prompt requires of you, which is why your responses are difficult to connect to the questions posed. Look, there are only 3 questions posed. Therefore, the essay can actually be responded to in 3 paragraphs. Review your responses to the questions and make sure that you directly respond to each question in the revised essay. One question, one paragraph. Nothing more, nothing less. The more pointed your response, the more it will be informative when the reviewer reads it.
free tuition for all  
  
Quitting on schools have ever- increased due to several reasons and the main one is about the high tuition. It is believed that the government should make the education free for everyone. In my viewpoint, I partly agree with this idea.  
  
On the one hand, A free-of-charge education is beneficial for the poor. Firstly, it can encourage a huge amount of people to go back to school. As you know, all parents want to make their children educated by sending them to school but sometimes due to the lack of resources, they have to deprive their children even from the basic education; Therefore, free tuition can set the equality of opportunities for them to develop their abilities and also the financial problems are no more burden  
  
On the other hand, education without fee may affect directly teachers' salary and government budget. Firstly, a number of teachers will give up their job to find a well-paid one. It is said that , the number of students inversely proportional to the number of teachers. For instance, a class normally has 39 students and a teacher but now if there are 50 pupils in the class , teachers cannot make sure all their pupils understand the lessons. Secondly, the government do not have enough money to build more schools and universities. They have had to consider a diversity of fields such as : education, transportation , economy and so on. Therefore, it is hard for them to satisfy with people requirement of education.  
  
In conclusion, free tuition is both advantageous and disadvantageous . It is the reason why the fee should be reduced wisely and sensibly to suit the pocket of everyone.  
  
**Please help me to correct my mistakes**
Pham, your essay is wrong from the very beginning. The prompt paraphrase is incomplete and / or inaccurate. I cannot fully determine what it is that you are trying to paraphrase in the first paragraph. You have to make sure that your paraphrasing is clear to the reader otherwise, you will get a failing score for it as you did with this one. In addition to that, you turned this into an "emotional" opinion discussion by saying you "partly" agree with the statement. The only choice you have are a full agreement or disagreement, there is no midway in the discussion. As an opinion essay, this was to be written as a 5 sentence per paragraph, 5 paragraph essay. None of these requirements were fulfilled in the essay you presented. The lack of clarity in your discussion and, what I believe to be a prompt deviation based on the "government responsibility" idea are the reasons that I do not feel like this essay will get a passing mark in an actual test setting. It would be in your best interest to read the sample essays here so that you can learn how to properly present these types of essay discussions.
Hi, I think you are on the right track, but you might have ignored a view possible avenues of discussion. In talking about the distant club, no evidence is presented that any Monroe residents actually go to this club. This is something you have mistakenly assumed. Instead, it would be good to know the number of Monroe residents, if any, who make the trip. Secondly, you don't discuss the fact that several jazz musicians live in Monroe. You could say how that is not necessarily relevant, since these musicians might prefer to see other types of music when they are not working and may be on tour for long periods of the year. You also ignored the radio program information. One point might be that if all the jazz fans in town listen to this program at 7PM every weeknight, they may not want to go to a possible jazz club because that would mean they would have to miss their radio show. As for the jazz festival, I would be interested to know how many of the 100,000 attendees actually live in Monroe. If the vast majority of festival attendees are from out of town, then the big turnout may have no bearing on the possible success of a jazz club. Finally, I would be interested in a more specific breakdown of the average of $1000 spent by jazz fans. Perhaps most of this money is spent on albums or cds, or in travel to distant jazz festivals. The only pertinent information would be the amount spent going to jazz clubs, but this information is not given. In addition, as you allude to, the only valuable information such a survey could provide is of the buying habits of the local populace. Hopefully this is helpful, Here are some grammar changes I would suggest.  
  
the evidence [supporting] the claim is not sufficient.  
  
Monroe, he might [be] used to [driving] his car,  
  
provide evidence [as] to why  
  
An annual jazz festival is also ~~be~~ mentioned.  
  
Yet [although] so many people [came]here for the festival last summer[, it] does not mean  
  
in order to know ~~that~~ whether the number of people  
  
to make the claim ~~more~~ strengthen the argument.  
  
Moreover, a worldwide {it said "nationwide", not worldwide} study shows  
  
should also be indicated as ~~an~~ evidence to know.  
  
How [was] the expenditure ~~be~~ calculated?
**Some people fail in school, but end up being successful in life. Why do you think that is the case? What is the most important thing to succeed in life?**  
  
## grades at school sometimes doesn't matter

  
  
Success plays a huge role nowadays. Therefore, it is important to have a good education. But, education is not everything. Many people who failed in school ended-up being successful in life because grades don't measure intelligence.  
  
Firstly, our parents and ancestors have always thought us that the schooling system is mandatory and without education we would not find a job and live in poverty and not be successful. Personally, I think that this case is false. There are many exemplary people who did not have education and contributed to today's life in diplomatic matters, science or in many more fields. For instance, Benjamin Franklin (One of the founding fathers) did not even have a high school degree or Michael Faraday who contributed to the world of science.  
  
To add up, my understandings show that the problem does not arouse from ourselves but from a governmental state and our ancestors because they are the one who pushes us to enroll in schools and have degrees.  
  
Secondly, I think that self-education is far greater than the school system. The most important thing to succeed in life would be intelligence and self-esteem. These two factors are far more needed than a diploma. Let's face it, if your grades are excellent but you lack of intelligence and your personality is bad, that would not get you the finest job. You might as well not get employed at all.  
  
In conclusion, every action that we take in life has its consequences. Either, you are going to have a diploma or not, that does not define your intelligence nor personal characteristics. Success is the result of hard work, learning from failure and persistence.  
  
The essay is for IELTS writing task. I wrote it in 1 hour. I give you my full authority to judge, correct and criticize this essay. I'm willing to expand my knowledge and learn from my mistakes. Thanks in advance!
Hi Alecen, I hope you could improve your writing skills, especially for IELTS. There are some good things such as your explanation and ideas. However, here are some of the points you can consider in order to improve your band score.  
  
Firstly, the overall style is not formal enough. You used too many pronouns (we, you) while we should use the topic-related terms only. In addition, you repeated the vocabulary of the given topic in your introduction, which is a minus to your Lexical Resource and your word count as well.  
  
Secondly, you should check your grammar carefully. You should not say ". But," while ". However," or ", but" is correct. There are mistakes with "thought us that" and "many examplary" also.  
  
Thank you. These are some of the things you may want to work on.
HI ALECEN, THE WAY YOU PARAGRAPHED YOUR ESSAY IS TERRIBLE. THIS IS AN IELTS DIRECT QUESTIONS ESSAY. I ADVISE YOU TO READ SOME MORE OF MODEL ANSWERS TO THESE KINDS OF QUESTION ON THE INTERNET SO YOU WOULD BE ABLE TO FIND A GOOD STRUCTURE FOR YOUR ESSAY.  
  
You did not question number 2 which will definitely affect you task response score. If you want to improve your writing the best advice I can give you is to read as much as you can of model answers and learning the collocations.
Alex, in a direct question essay, you must always refer to the discussion type when you develop your draft response. In this instance, the instruction is asking you for a justified discussion of only 1 very strong reason for the success of a person who has not completed an education. It is not asking for multiple reasons for the same question. Therefore, this essay is not going to get a very good score due to its prompt deviation. Consider that you are asked "What is the most important thing to succeed in life?" then connect it to "Why is this the case?" and you should have come up with a better answer than the one you presented. A discussion based on the well know college successful college dropouts like Mark Zuckerberg and Steve Jobs would have put your essay on the right track towards a proper and more relevant response. Instead, you offered a mashup of ideas that don't really make sense discussion wise, nor does it connect in a cohesive manner.
## Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad

  
  
The number of students choosing to study abroad has witnessed a growing pattern in recent year. Studying in foreign country gradually become an upward trend in our country, placing the debate whether study abroad is beneficial or not. Below is my opinion about the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad.  
  
On the bright side, learning in another country is a precious experience, giving opportunities for personal growth. It's undoubted to say that living abroad can help broaden students' horizon, simultaneously improve their language proficiency. Moreover, qualifications acquired from prestigious universities can help open the door to better job opportunities in later years. Take my cousin for example, she had enrolled on a bachelor in an UK university before working as a well-paid staff in Apple.  
  
On the other hand, studying abroad is also a challenging way. Some students find the difference of culture containing language barrier take them back with their peer.In worse case, the obligation of looking after themselves and homesickness contribute to the difficulties while living in foreign country. For example, just a month ago, a friend of my brother decided to take his life to an end after a prolonged period of loneliness despite the fact that he was a successful student in the USA.  
  
In general, study abroad poses both opportunities and challenges. On the plus side, study abroad is a development of appreciation of culture differences, in contrast to some drawbacks from living alone at the young ages.
I would like to suggest that the examples are not solid at all due to the cases were only surrounding your circumstance, if the examples can actually make much more consensus to the others that would lead more persuasive to your article. I recommend that you can attempt to think through the view of the employers, which student would them appreciate, aboard student either the local student. Is it based on the reputation of their school or what? Such elaboration can reflect the real case in our society, more consensus can be understood by the readers due to their experience.
Ha, a completely accurate discussion review of your essay cannot be completed without the complete prompt requirement. I need to read the original prompt and not just the title you decided to assign to it in order to determine the applicability of your discussion approach as well as the mistakes you may have made in the presentation. Overall, the essay is short in terms of discussion content. You need 3 body paragraphs discussion the reasons for the side you have chosen to discuss. It would seem that you are discussing the advantages and disadvantages of the study abroad trend when the actually prompt is asking for a discussion of whether this is a positive or negative trend. Your title and actual discussion are in conflict with one another. Thus, an appropriate review for your essay cannot be accomplished. If you still wish to get a proper review for this essay done, you will need to post the original and complete prompt for the reference of the reviewers here.
@sungin115 Well, since you already made it clear that you aren't fluent in English, I understand your grammatical errors.  
Here are a few I corrected:  
foundations:(colon not semi-colon is better grammatically since you are listing) reading  
Kevin an 11th grade student is preparing to take the SATs.  
he has had difficulty in Math since his 2nd grade which results in his low scores(this is more grammatically apt)  
  
What if he was taught to add, subtract....more?  
Understandably (not apparently), it will be easier for him to get higher grades in Math with increased attention on Mathematics.....  
immigrant families(plural)  
immigrants who (have jobs as ...)  
successful in(not to)  
...it proves that...(please edit this sentence)  
  
since you already said as an immigrant graduate school student..(no point adding myself)  
Even (though) I got...  
..I am still not confident (consider reversing like I just did)  
  
than I have now(consider reversing like I did)  
  
based on (a) published...  
  
Merge suppose that someone can't read well with the second sentence: it will give you something like this: suppose that someone can't read well and decidesto /goes to watch a ....  
  
can't enjoy reading the book because because they do not understand the concept between the lines(something like this - i'm rushing right now)  
  
suppose that someone has a cashier job (merge this sentence with second sentence) : someone has a cashier job and is not good at Math..  
  
... he or she might not like to go to work because the chances of making mistakes at work may be high.  
  
..is not (an) old fashioned  
  
as (the) Korean saying...  
  
consider merging this sentence (...more advanced learning and also, they can...)  
  
Instead of using finally, I would say 'In the future/in the long run.  
  
your essay points are strong, but your grammar is countering your strength.  
  
I'm sorry I can't include more on your pros but correcting the flaws I believe is much better more useful.
@sungin115 I am going to review this as an actual research paper and not an English grammar exam since you did not indicate which of the 2 you are trying to accomplish here. I will assume the more obvious "research paper" angle because of your given format. The first mistake in this essay is that you are not discussing the "movement" as indicated in the prompt but rather a "research" in some publication that you did not even mention nor properly cite in this paper. That change from "movement" to research" shows that you did not understand the prompt explanation provided. There is a big difference between a "research journal publication" and a "movement'. The latter being more public opinion based instead of academic based. That is why the discussion of your essay does not seem to accurately align itself with the prompt expectations. In fact, I do not understand why you are calling the "Back to Basics" an old fashioned movement as that is not indicated in the prompt. It is a new movement and as such, should not be given such a description in your essay. Make sure you understand the full prompt before you start writing. Otherwise, you create an excellent paper, as you did here, which doesn't really respond to the prompt you were provided.
**Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies. To what extent would you say that television has positively or negatively affected the cultural development of your society?**  
  
Television has affected people's cultures in different countries. There are mixed views of this positively or negatively influence on cultures. Someone has positive idea about this effect and others have opposite idea.  
  
Television can extend rich country cultures and custom. As wealthy countries have high level of economy and people's satisfaction, the big motivation exists to follow the cultures of these countries. So, television can help to extend some specific cultures in developed countries. Also, rich countries spend a lot of money on advertisement. High level of technology with luxuries equipments in modern countries encourage different people to follow these country cultures. For example, European tries to sell their products. So, by showing how much the routine house chores can be easy, people of poor countries can be affected by this products and follow this advertisement.  
  
On the other hand, television should have wide range of programs to handle its financial support. The manger of television companies should provide programs for different culture and custom. If they want to have vast majority of audience, variety programs based on culture, custom, and religious should be paid attention. People not only get used to follow their cultures, but also do not like change them specially in the elderly age. So, different people can link with their own culture and keep it, which even is related to poor countries.  
  
In conclusion, television can develop some developed country cultures and show the high level lifestyle of these countries. Therefore, people are motivated to follow these cultures. But, the television should provide different programs based on varieties cultures to have different audiences. By providing different programs, they have high level of grantee to be survived.  
  
please give me totally pieces of advice and score for different criteria for ielts