dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Strict Laws To Control Noise Pollution

  
  
**Topic: Some people think that there should be some strict controls about noise. Others think that they could just make as much noise as they want. Discuss both views and give your opinion.  
  
I am preparing for Ielts exam this September, so I hope you can help me with writing skill, and give me a band score if possible, because it is really hard studying alone.**  
  
Noise pollution is one of the big problems facing today's life, especially with those living in metropolises. It is said, therefore, that people should be given restrictions in making noise, while others disagree. There are some valid arguments for both sides which I will shed light on before jumping to my own conclusion.  
  
On the one hand, supporters of noise-making emphasize on their rights of relaxation after leading hectic schedules. They say that the freedom of joining in entertainment activities such as playing loud music or having fancy parties help clear out their anxiety and stress, thus leading to their increased productivity. Secondly, there are circumstances in which noise is inevitable. People could not, for instance, avoid noise from crowded traffic or drilling sound when repairing their home. Therefore, introducing noise controls would affect their daily life to some extent.  
  
On the other hand, opponents of noise point to the health problems when being exposed to noise in a long period. People living near an intersection or industrial sites, in particular, are more prone to having a splitting headache or heart attacks owing to the constant honk and hammering sounds. Furthermore, they think noise prompts them involve in distractions, thus cancelling out their ability to meet deadlines or preparing for approaching exams. This would have impact on their career and study performance.  
  
To conclude, it seems to me the aforementioned drawbacks outweigh possible advantages. People, therefore, should be fined if making too much noise and affecting their neighbors. For those inescapable noise, I think companies and authorities together should have methods to ensure nearby citizens' life such as equipping soundproof walls or moving them to another quite place.  
  
(My essay has 278 words)
@laylastella  
*Hi* there!  
  
Welcome to the forum.  
  
There are a couple of things that I look after when I'm reading content. Firstly, there's minimal repetitions both in structure and meaning. Secondly, there has to be sufficient depth that explores the crevices of a topic in great detail. I have observed in your writing that you have satisfied the latter - still, there's more space for you to work on the first portion of the essay. Moreover, I have noticed that there were portions of your essay that could have been merged in order to create a firmer and more academic tone.  
  
Let's take a look at the second paragraph of the content you have posted here.  
  
... By contrast, extroverts ~~whose ... outward~~ tend to ... talkative~~. T~~ ; they have ...  
... than listen, whereas introverts prefer ~~to listen ... concretely~~ listening over talking. ... like being alone ~~with things being~~ and quiet. ... than having ~~alone time~~ time alone. ..., they work better ~~alone~~ on their own. Introverted people ~~were~~ wear headphones ...  
  
Try to observe the changes I've made and implement them the next time you write.  
  
Best of luck as always.
Dear Lebuixuan,  
  
I study IELTS, but I guess the requirements for IELTS writing and TOEFL writing should be the same. So here are some of my comments:  
  
1. I think you should review the singular and plural nouns in your essay. For example, "sports and social services". You wrote "sport", "social service"  
2. Check spelling. For example: "laboratory", not "labotory", "at this day and age", not "at this day and day"  
3. In the body part, I think you should not use "I", "my"... Instead, use a third person. For example, "a student", then "he or she"...  
  
Good luck to your exam
@lebuixuan  
Hello!  
  
*Good luck* with your upcoming test. And let me try to help you improve your writing.  
  
I think that your essay is well-written. Most of the mistakes that have arisen are mostly due to the rising complexity of the language, making it essential that you reference back to your fundamental grammar rules to ensure that you aren't dragging your essay. That being said, omitting a few words that are causing quite an excessive tone to your essay will also be beneficial for you. This will let you have more space to integrate depth-based writing techniques that'll help you with writing.  
  
Additionally, watch out for the forms of words that you use. Consistency is critical when you are writing. If you should write something in plural form, do that. If you start with a particular tense, it would be helpful to end with that tense also.  
  
Let me revise a few parts to show you what I mean.  
  
..., undertaking in non-scholastic ... ~~to~~ build bridges, ... in attaining ~~substantial~~ triumph ~~at this day and day~~. ~~To be more s~~Specifically, by having ... an enormous ~~fortune of ... a relationship.~~ opportunity to expand their peer groups with individuals who speak the same language, establishing a firmer relationship bond My ...  
  
Know and recognize when you are utilizing excessive language. For instance, saying *substantial triumph* is already irrelevant, considering that a triumph is already quite a loaded word to be tied to *substantial* remarks.  
  
Best of luck in your writing as always. Don't be afraid to keep in touch at all times.
## parents have power to transform minors' personality

  
  
The only way to solve the increasing crime rate of young offenders is to teach parents better parenting skills. To what extent do you agree?  
  
Can you please mark my essay and tell me what band do I score?  
  
The psychology and behavior of youth are most vulnerable to harmful surroundings that they are exposed to. And thus, I strongly believe this signifies the role of parents in applying certain strategies that can bring out moral values or positivity in their children. In this essay, I would elicit why this is the only way and how parents can do so to achieve this.  
  
Most importantly, charity begins at home. While I believe other factors such as schooling and family status have an influence on the juveniles of the society, parents are the first ones a baby interacts with when he or she is born. For instance, a study in Australia showed that infants with working parents grew up to become drug addicts despite studying in a well-reputed or a disciplined school.  
  
Various methods can be taught to the parents that can, in turn, be applied to young generation. According to a study, youth, who were involved in criminal activities had a disturbed childhood or were victims of depression. Thus, communication plays one of the most vital parts of parenthood. An adult should realize that acting like a best friend will allow the child to openly share his insecurities or problems without reluctance. Counterintuitively, using a bitter tone can result in rebellious response. Furthermore, not only verbal interaction but also incorporating fun activities in their schedule such as going to a cinema or parks or sports club, are also an effective approach to lower stress levels. For example, many studies have proved physical activities to lower stress levels i.e. increasing endorphin levels in the brain. Other than that parents should keep a record of their child's school activity through weekly meet-up with class teachers.  
  
In conclusion, parents have more power to transform minors' personality. And they can do so by implementing certain strategies wisely. I believe that in the future there should be more awareness campaigns or seminars related to this subject for addressing the issue effectively.
@EmanF  
*Hello* there.  
  
Not necessarily going to give an outright band score, but I'll help you work on your written content.  
  
Firstly, try integrating and using optimizing techniques that will help you use more structure in your essay. If you can do this, you'll end up with simpler content and be able to focus more on the depth of your essay. Evade the usage of filler words at all costs - not unless, of course, you have the luxury to do so. If you keep these things in mind, you'll build your essay's overall tone in a more academic and appropriate light.  
  
That being said, using more appropriate and smoother transition methods can also help you add more innovative techniques. If you do this, you'll be able to focus your attention to a more organic approach in writing. This will help you lessen the unnatural behaviors that you demonstrate when you are being interactive.  
  
Ensure that you always use relevant grammar tools when you're writing. If you can do this, you'll enhance the overall outlook of your essay.  
  
With these things in mind, **I'm going to revise** a small portion of your essay to demonstrate what these things mean.  
  
The ~~psychology and~~ behavior of youth are ~~most~~ vulnerable to harmful surroundings ~~that~~ they are exposed to. ~~And thus,~~ I strongly ... in applying ~~certain~~ strategies ~~that can~~ to bring out morals ~~values or positivity~~ and optimism in their children. In this essay, I ~~would~~ will elicit why ... can ~~do so to~~ achieve this.  
  
~~Most importantly, c~~ Charity begins at home. ... the first ones whom a baby interacts with ~~when he or she is born~~. ... studying in a ~~well-reputed or a disciplined~~ highly reputable school.  
  
Remember to remove unnecessary/irrelevant words at all times. For instance, moral values is quite redundant because morals *are already* values on their own.  
  
Keep these in mind when you are writing.  
  
Best of luck as always!
Hi @EmanF!  
In your essay you've mentioned different studies which I think is superfluous, because you're supposed to give your own view on the topic. Not what others think or discover.  
  
Secondly, the question is "To what extend do you agree ?". It means that you are expected to give your opinion, then expand it with the sound reasons and examples. In my view, the third paragraph in which you've come up with some solutions is not relevant to this format.
## parenting preparation course is necessary

  
  
Child-rearing plays an important role in society as well as in the development of human being. Nevertheless, this tough job often makes unexperienced couples harassed and frustrated. This leads to the claim that all parents should take a training course, which aims to enhance their nurture skills before having a child. I completely agree, believing that the parenting course is necessary for all mothers and fathers.  
  
The first reason is that parents can learn appropriate and pragmatic education methods in the preparation course. Educationalists and experienced lecturers cast light on nursing and educating their offspring, which usually bewilder these beginner parents. With good understanding of childcares and emotional developments, parents are able to empathize children's emotions and feelings, building a close-knit family, the perfect environment for bringing up a lovely child. For instance, when entering adolescence, children may misbehave or be emotionally distant. With adequate mental preparations and practical communication skills learned from courses, parents can be their positive role models and reinforce family relationship more easily.  
  
The second reason for taking parenting curriculums is that these soon-to-be parents can meet other students who also prepared to be responsible parents. These classmates will face the same, grueling, and prolonged challenge, child-rearing, in the near future. Therefore, after the course, these acquaintances can have a memorable family trip together, and share the information and experiences of parent-child relationship to the others, helping solve the difficult rearing problems.  
  
To conclude, with its opportunity to acquire parenting knowledge and join parenting groups, taking a preparation course is necessary for all mothers and fathers.  
  
Thanks for your advice!!
@Seba0901  
Hello!  
  
Seeing as you are new here, *welcome*!  
  
First and foremost, the composition of your essay is well-done. I think that the overall structure is good on its own. You had variations of lengths, consistency, and an elaborate format. Good job on this.  
  
That being said, however, I can notice that there were instances wherein you had quite a repetitive tone. This was mostly in portions wherein you were explaining a little bit too much on the edge without taking into due consideration how synonymous your terminologies already are. For instance, is it really necessary to say educationalists *and* experienced lecturers? You could go on with just one of these terms and omit the other. This will leave you more space for fruitful discussion (ie. elaborating more in your concluding part). This goes the same with saying that parents should be able to empathize with children's emotions *and* feelings - both these terms have a similar undertone and meaning. You can choose to eliminate one part over the other.  
  
Once you have accomplished this, you'll have more space for essential discussions. Bear this in mind.  
  
Best of luck in your writing endeavors!
@faash  
*Hello* there! I'll help you with your essay.  
  
First and foremost, I recommend optimizing your essay through omitting lines that are unnecessary and irrelevant to your content. By doing this, you'll be able to focus more on sentences that you need to emphasize. This also includes merging together lines that can be merged. Once you have hold over this technique, you'll have more hold over the content of your essay because you'll have more space to discuss the essential parts.  
  
Secondly, ensure that there is certainty in the tone of your essay. If you can omit filler words, this can help you create a more academic tone that'll help you in the long-run.  
  
Having said all these things, I would also add that you try to reduce the length of your sentences. While this is necessary at times, having lengthy sentences can negatively affect your writing also. Remember that a straightforward approach to the structure of your content will always be helpful; this is due to the fact that having direct-to-the-point and simpler structures can help you evade being misunderstood in the message you are trying to convey.  
  
That being said, I would recommend a revision similar to this for the entirety of the essay:  
  
Apart from the points I've made ~~I made above~~, when we ... ~~ate today, ... last year~~ have consumed, ~~we realize~~ nowadays ~~how different the~~ the food ~~on our plates is~~ has changed. ~~While p~~Prior to refrigeration, ... would ~~often lead to food~~ it spoiling and becoming inedible~~,~~; today ~~it allows us ... countries~~ we can indulge on a variety of food for different seasons from all over the world because of innovations in food storage. Research ~~clearly~~ shows ... of food~~s~~ is ~~the~~ key to getting ~~all~~ the necessary nutrients, reducing the ~~which can help to reduce the~~ risk of certain ~~types of~~ diseases. ... and freezers, ~~now~~ meals ... in bulk ~~and stored~~ for later consumption ~~or prepared ... at extra cost~~. It is ~~really~~ wonderful to always have access to food ~~available and~~ to be able to eat ~~completely~~ different ...  
  
*Best of luck in your writing.*
## essay about the tourism industry

  
  
**TOPIC: International tourism has become a huge industry in the world. Are the problems that international travellers cause greater than the advantages they bring?**  
  
It is true that the international tourism industry has become more popular than before. Although there are those who may argue that this is a negative trend, I hold the belief that the advantages behind this trend far outweigh its drawbacks.  
  
From my perspective, environment protection is the first and foremost issue nowadays. However, we all know that the fast development in the tourism industry would bring some problem to our society and there is a dilemma between development and environment. In the past, people could go to a beach and appreciate the beauty of sunset happily but now we seldom have a chance to do that because of the pollution. Many tourist attractions have been destroyed and lose their colourful scenery due to the prosperity in the tourism industry.  
  
In spite of the above arguments, I still see this is a positive trend. The foremost reason for my point is that the development of international tourism improves our economic growth and even creates more job opportunities than before. Some traditional stores near a tourist attraction mainly depend on travellers to survive, and also many people work as a tour guide or offer a service to visitors. Moreover, governments could not only make more money from the tourism industry but also promote countries around the world. As a result, the development of international tourism is a positive evolution.  
  
In conclusion, there are some pros and cons to this development, and I believe that this is a benefit in our lives.  
  
Thanks for any advice!
@oneouran  
Hi there!  
  
I partially agree with the previous comment that you should focus your writing more on your answered/responsive perception to the question posed. I say partially as I do not necessarily think that you should ultimately ditch the drawbacks of the situation - rather, you should balance your writing more to be biased towards your own response.  
  
That being said, the surface-level of your essay appears to be put-together and well-written. I say this because you have managed to evade most of the commonplace issues in writing (punctuation, preposition usage, etc.). Still, I think that you need to focus more on creating integrated sentences that'll help you curate complex and yet simplified essays. Applying these techniques will help you in the long-run when it comes to establishing more meaning compressed into smaller chunks. If you can fulfill this, you'll have more excess space to add depth to your essay.  
  
Let's revise a small portion of your essay to demonstrate what these mean.  
  
In spite of these ~~above arguments~~, I still ...  
... economic growth, creating an influx of job opportunities ~~and even ... than before~~. ... near ~~a~~ tourist attractions ~~mainly~~ depend on travellers ~~to survive~~ for income~~, and also ... to visitors~~; this also is a source of work for tour guides and related services.. Moreover, governments ~~could not ... the world~~ can also gain income through other countries' advertisements. ~~As a result, ... evolution.~~  
  
The last sentence is irrelevant and unnecessary in this light. Consider that you've already established this concluding remark in the initial portions, rendering it useless to be repeated. Rather, just focus on the concluding paragraph of your overall essay.  
  
Best of luck as always.
Dear All,  
  
Here is my second essay. Thank you for your comment and time.  
  
## the percentage of Canadians using multiple social networking sites

  
  
*Topic: The chart below gives information about the number of social networking sites people used in Canada in 2014 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.*  
  
The bar chart presents the percentage of Canadian people using multiple social networking sites in two different years: 2014 and 2015.  
  
Overall, the percentage of Canadian people who did not use social media or used only one social networking site decreased slightly over the period shown, whereas the proportion of Canadian people who used more than two sites increased marginally.  
  
Using one social networking site was the most popular in both years with 36% in 2014 and 28% in 2015. The percentage of people who did not have an account on social media was almost similar to that of people who had two accounts, and these figures remained almost unchanged over two years at around 21% to 24%.  
  
There was a growth of 4% in the percentage of those people using three sites from 12% in 2014 to 16% in 2015. The figures for those people who had four and five networking sites rose almost two folds from 5% to 8% and from 2% to 4% respectively.  
  
*
@buiminhese  
Hi there.  
  
Thanks for coming back to the forum. I'll do my best to help you.  
  
First and foremost, I can say certainly that the construction of your sentences has improved. This appears to be more put-together and academically appropriate.  
  
With this in mind, I do think that there are primary rooms for improvement. For instance, you can still trim down your essay and omit particular lines that only add irrelevant weight to your essay. If you can accomplish this, you'll curate a significantly more direct-to-the-point and yet in-depth essay that will reflect the needs of that of a interpretative analysis content.  
  
Remember that an academic tone is established when you do this as your technique will use more complex and yet structured words.  
  
To elaborate what this means, **I'll revise** a small portion of what you have now.  
  
~~Overall, t~~ The percentage of Canadians ~~people~~ who ~~did not use ... site~~ either fully did not use or used only one networking site decreased ... proportion of ~~Canadian~~ people ...  
  
Notice how you can omit the word Canadian in the latter portions of the text, considering that you have already declared this as a fact in the initial portions. Eliminating these repetitions will help you in the long-run.  
  
Best of luck as always.
## employers' priority when choosing somebody to work

  
  
While recruiting a new employee, the employer should pay more attention to their personal qualities, rather than qualifications and experience. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion and include relevant examples.  
  
Employing the right person for the position is one of the key elements which makes companies more competitive. I believe that hirers should prioritize not only candidates` academic credentials and previous work experiences, but also their characters.  
  
On the one hand, it seems quite reasonable to hire the people whose qualifications are in line with the actual job. In fact, some occupations require specific skills and talents which necessarily involve a huge commitment. For example, for being a qualified doctor, one should get proper education and have at least 1 year of practical experience. If the recruiter fails to find the person who is a good match for the requirements in such sensitive jobs, it may have a negative influence on the reputation of the company in long-term.  
  
On the other hand, I think that personality should be taken into account while hiring a new worker. There are some jobs that are based on team work, while the others are more individualistic. That is the reason why character should play an important role for companies when they have to decide whom to employ. For instance, programmers don`t need to be sociable and talkative , whereas if you are planning to work as a salesperson, you should have excellent communication skills. Personally, when I was working as a salesperson, it took me quite a long time to adapt to the team spirit because of my introversy.  
  
So, in my view, both professional and personal qualities should be considered main criteria by the interviewers when they asses the candidates.