dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Topic: **Some people believe that the majority of news being reported is bad news such as wars, famines, accidents, and crime. Why do you think that is? Do you think the news should be a balance of both good and bad news?**  
  
Media Industry is always concerned by billion people over the world. Human lives have more developed, so the matters about knowing information have been more interested. Some people believe that the majority of news being reported is bad news such as wars, famines, accidents, and crime influencing badly on many people.  
  
Life is more convenient and modern, the most human depends on machines, the less human is active and sensitive. They are easy to fall in pressure and negative thinking. Moreover, they are willing to do the worst thing and leave the worst consequences. Newspapers and television usually give some negative news on media to announce people. So much hot news, so many people care and read.  
  
Most of the people like watching television, for both children and adults. They spend a lot of time watching television every day. Thus, if television has only programs about bad things, bad news such as wars, famines, accidents, and crime... that will create negative influences to both mentally and physically of viewers. News about accidents, criminals which are shown on TV in order to warn citizens that they have to be careful, to be safe. Besides, media producers should show more passive programmings like educational programs, health programs... These will bring a balance of both good and bad news which create better influences to viewers. For example, some programmings about building houses for homeless people, donating money for poor children, or some programmings about teaching languages should be shown on TV more usually.  
  
In brief, bad news totally does not bring the bad consequences. Of course, people should not use TV is a way to hide, so sometimes it can help us cope. The bad news and good news should be balanced, that will make life better.
hai sydney  
it is a great essay  
let me try to give you some advice  
hope it helps  
  
Human lives have more developed, ~~so the matters~~the problem about knowing ...  
  
s]So if much hot news, ~~so~~ many people will care and read.  
  
Most ~~of the~~ people like watching television~~, for~~ both children and adults.  
Thus, if television has only program~~s~~ <<< **you use only so I think it is singular**  
about ~~bad things,~~ bad news such as wars ...  
  
that will be create negative influences ~~to~~ both mentally ...  
  
... more passive programmings ~~like~~such as educational programs...  
These will bring a balance ~~of~~on both good and bad ...  
  
thanks
**The table gives the results of two surveys, in 1997 and 2006, in which people were asked which communication skills were essential in their jobs.**  
  
The table compares the number of people who argue about the essential external and internal communication skills in their job in 1997 and 2006. Overall, it can be seen that the important thing in external communication is dealing with people and in internal communication is listening carefully to colleagues.  
  
In 1997, 60 percent is the percentage of people who asked about dealing with people, it is needed in communication skill, especially external communication. Then, the same question was asked in 2006 and the percentage increase at 65 percent. Selling a product or serving are not essential enough in external communication, which is the percentage of people argue this communication skills is smaller than other, which is in 1997 and 2006 just 24 percent and 21 percent. For other skills, the number of people have view about kinds of external communication skills is under 40 percent.  
  
On the other hand, listening carefully to colleagues is kind of internal communication skill, which is the number of people said, it is useful for their job is 30 percent in 1998 and it is increase become 47 percent in 2006. While, the lowest percentage is make speeches or presentation. People just argue that, it is 7 percent influence for their job in 1997 and 11 percent in 2006. And the other factors just have percentage smaller than 21 percent.  
  
*
Hi Reski,  
Kindly find my remarks below to help you compose a better essay later on.  
  
1st paragraph:  
- ... skills in their jobs in 1997 and 2006.  
- Overall, it can be seen that the most important thing in external communication ~~is~~was dealing with people and in internal communication ~~is~~was listening carefully to colleagues.  
  
- Moreover, ... (add one more sentence here and explain further. Your explanation in overview was too general. You need to "select" the main point**S** not only one particular thing like what you've done)  
  
2nd paragraph:  
- In 1997, 60 percent ~~is~~was the percentage of (...) with people, it ~~is~~was needed in communication skill, ... (This has to be in past form)  
- ... and the percentage increaseD at 65 percent.  
- Selling a product or serving ~~are~~is not quite essential ~~enough~~ in external communication, which ~~is~~was the percentage of (...) communication skills ~~is~~was smaller than other,...  
  
Without checking further, I can notice that the major errors come from your grammatical range and accuracy part. You need to bear in mind that when something is happening in the past, it must be written in a past form, especially in IELTS task 1 when the essay has a "timeline" or year that indicates that something happened in the past.  
  
Hope this helps :)
***Restricting air travel is the only way to prevent air pollution. Do you agree or disagree?***  
  
Air travel supplies a large number of pollution to our environment. I keenly disagree with that idea since there are other elements which contribute most to pollute our atmosphere.  
  
On the one hand, air travel activities produce vast of emission which destroys natural habitat and the ozone layer. If it continued, it will be harmful to the environment and human's health. There must be a proliferation of earth temperature caused by global warming and the possibility of suffering stroke will escalate dramatically due to air pollution. And some argue that airplanes produce most emission compared with other vehicles. It means that it supplies most in destroying to an environment. As a result, they believe that limiting air travel activity is a possible solution to address such trend.  
  
On the other hand, there are a large number of elements which contribute to being harmful to the environment such as private transportation and industrial companies. Firstly, there are millions of private transportation use every day in the world. Even though the emission produced by one vehicle in small number. The emission is produced by a large number of cars and motorcycles supply more emission than air travel activities. In addition, industrial companies contribute also in this problem. They use their manufacturing machines every day which results from dangerous gasses for the quality of fresh air. It will impact on human's health negatively and can stimulate serious diseases in the near future.  
  
In conclusion, while other argue that the air pollution should not be allowed to conduct their operation. I believe there is sufficient evidence to demonstrate that other factors supply more pollution.
hello Abraham, here is my advice for your writing  
  
... elements which contribute to BE ~~being~~ harmful to the ...  
  
.....to +infinitive /v1  
... of private transportation ~~use~~ USED every day in the world. Even though, the emission IS produced by one vehicle in ~~small~~ A FEW number.  
... from dangerous gasses for the quality of fresh air. It will GIVE impact on human's health negatively and can stimulate serious diseases in the near future.  
  
... conduct their operation~~.~~ , I believe there is ... ===WHILE==> CONJUNCTION==>need ","  
  
keep spirit
Hello, your essay is good enough. You explained you reason and the reasons about this problem in the paragraph 2 and 3. But, introductory sentence you must make it clear. The introduction will good if you write based on this:  
  
1. Give some background of the questions topic (paraphrase the question)  
2. Tell the reader what will be in your essay, or  
3. Additional information, thesis statement (your idea, response towards the task in the question)
**Many employees may work at home with the modern technology. Some people claim that it can benefit only the worker, not the employers. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?**  
  
Advanced technology comes to make everything easier to be finished. In cutting-edge era, the modern technology tends to give a novel option for many employees to work at their own home, although some people argue that it cannot give benefits for the employers. Personally, I immensely disagree with that view as it is beneficial for employers also in some aspects.  
  
Needless to say, generating sophisticated technology in work can give more profit for employers. This is because the technology can reduce the cost of workers when they work at home. For instance, since the employees finish their work at home, employers have no need to provide additional cost related to daily use and facilities such as lighting, parking place for their car, and water. Hence, the employers can save a lot of expenditure budget in their workplace.  
  
More broadly, working at home provides the workers to work efficiently. They do not need to waste more time on waiting for the bus or traffic jam. They can get more extraordinary ideas to support their job when they work in ideal and creative environment. This means that the employers can take positive impacts on the result of their work. For example, graphic designers can create fantastic design as they feel so fresh and avoid any distractions when they work at their own home. As a result, the employers can acquire maximal performance from their employees.  
  
All in all, personally I do believe that employers can get more benefits when they allow their employees to work at their home. It not only save their budget but also provide the employees to work in a comfortable place so that they can improve their work productivity. **(281 words)**
Hello, I will give you suggestion:  
  
Actually your essay is good, your introduction was explain your opinion related to the issue  
but for the paragraph 2 and 3 it will good if :  
1. Paragraph 2  
explain the point of this statement " Many employees may work at home with the modern technology." give your idea, explanation, reason and example.  
  
2. Paragraph 3  
explain the point of this statement " Some people claim that it can benefit only the worker, not the employers." give your idea, explanation, reason and example.  
  
3. Conclusion  
Para phrase your opinion in the introductory paragraph and make it simple with your main idea.
**The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
  
Writing Task 2, Unit 4D, Page 28**  
  
Over the time, the emergence of sophisticated electronic media has bring many advantages for people around the world. Meanwhile, others think that the drawback can affect to our personal relationships with other people. I totally agree with the statement and I will discuss the reason in this essay.  
  
Firstly, there are several types of electronic media that people enjoy using it. One of them is smart phone. The reason is people can use not only for communicate, but also do other activities, such as business for shopping online or booking air ticket by only one click. According to the journal, experts have done some research about this phenomenon and found a result in 2015, people who opt shopping online by using smart phone than go from shop to shop, jumped to 76%. It is true that there is a significant increase in shopping online application that can be downloaded in mobile phone. Thus, the electric media usage make people convenient to use it.  
  
On the other hand, besides its outweigh for the user, it is able to give a negative influence and especially to our personal relationships with close people. Although the benefit can connect us to other people who live far away from us, our relationships with people surround us might be getting worse. For instance, many children use their gadget when they have a dinner with family. As result, they have lack of social life with real people than virtual friends. Thus, it can bring a bad effect on our relationships between people.  
  
Overall, I believe that people can get many benefits from electronic media due to its usage, eventhough the disadvantage may cause negative effect on our social life with surrounding people. (285 words)
Hello @septiadara, I got some suggestions for your writing:  
  
1. ... electronic media has ~~bring~~(BROUGHT) many advantages ...  
  
2. ~~The reason is~~(THIS IS BECAUSE) people can use ...  
  
3. On the other hand, besides its ~~outweigh~~(ADVANTAGES) for the user,  
  
4. ... due to its usage, ~~eventhough~~(EVEN THOUGH) the disadvantage may cause (A) negative effect on ...
The table shows the information about some questions from people that related to communication capacities were important in their jobs. This measurement took in 1997 and 2006. Overall, the biggest number of communication external came from dealing with people. Listening carefully to colleagues of internal aspect was the largest in that two years.  
  
Based on the table can be seen that there was an increase from 60% to 65%. The second largest came from knowledge of particular product or services, which is rose significantly, by six percent in 2006. Although, the other experienced fell slightly, by three percent.  
  
From internal aspect of communication, the highest increase came from listening carefully to colleagues, by nine percent (form 38% to 47%). The second highest came from instructing of training people, at 30% in the second survey, but it had same of the number of increasing, at five percent. Planning the activities of other, and making speeches or presentations rose highly not more that four percent. (163w)  
  
*
Hallo @badafebriani17, I got some advice for your writing:  
  
Based on the table (, IT) can be seen that ...  
... of particular product(S) or services, which ~~is~~ rose ~~significantly~~(SLOWLY/STEADILY) , by six percent in 2006. Although, the other ~~experienced~~ fell slightly, ...  
  
... or presentations rose highly ~~not more that~~(NO MORE THAN) four percent.
There are various types of absorbing-the-lessons style: visual, auditory and kinesthetic. A person with visual learner genes sits somewhere in the classroom that has nothing blocks their view. They tend to depending teacher's gestures and facial expressions. Their best study materials are colorful videos, diagram, and flip-charts. On the other hand, auditory learners take a position where they can hear well the teacher's voice. Listen other students and talk about the subject is the best way to assist them process novel knowledge. Other than that, kinesthetic learners need dynamic learning environment: hands-on experiences in math, science, and reading. Furthermore integrating building projects, sports, and art-and-crafts activities help out a kinesthetic learner. Surprisingly, educators have found other learning methods of students such verbal learners who enjoyed using word for speaking and writing and logical learners who had strong logic and reasoning. Moreover, there are social learners who best working in group setting: in contrast, solitary learners who prefer work alone.
Hi Sisha,  
You are suggested to post on the appropriate category. (Writing Feedback) Student talk is not appropriate if you need a writing feedback.  
  
Here's my analysis of your article summary. I hope this can be helpful.  
  
- ...of absorbing-the-lessons style. Those are visual, auditory and kin-esthetic .  
- A person with visual learner gene~~s~~ sits somewhere in the classroom that has nothing blocks ~~their~~his/her view. (your subject is "a person" not "people")  
  
- They tend to ~~depending~~depend on teacher's ...  
- ... position where they can ~~hear well~~listen the teacher's voice well .  
- Listeningto other students and talking about the subject ~~is~~are the best way to assist them in processing novel knowledge.  
- Other than that, kin-esthetic learners need dynamic learning environment such as, hands-on experiences ...  
- Furthermore, (comma needed) integrating building projects (...) help out a kin-esthetic learner.  
  
As you can see, several inputs and remarks have been suggested in order to improve your future practices. Mind subject and verb agreements, especially when it is related to plural and singular form of words. :)
Proportion of the respondent in both result of survey in 1997 and 2006 based on sort of the communication skills which are important in their job is provided by table. Overall, it can be seen that the most essential in external communication for both of period was how to make agreement with costumers. Meanwhile, at the same time, being good listener when communicate with colleagues was the most important of the communication skill in the internal company.  
  
First of all, in 2006 percentage of the respondents who were asked about knowledge of particular product was higher than before. whereas, when asked about advertising for costumers or clients, the data showed that in 2006 was higher proportion than in 1997 for 3 respondents. In contrast, the question about selling product or service showed the lowest proportion in both of period.  
  
On the other hand, survey about internal communication in company turn out that making speech or presentation illustrated the lowest proportion in both of term. Therefore, number of people when asked about instructing or training persons in 1997 and 2006 were about 25 and 30 respondents respectively. It was higher than percentage of analysing problem together with other and planning the activities.  
  
*
Hi Pramudia,  
Here's my inputs and remarks on your writing. Hopefully, it can be used as a guidance for your next practice.  
  
1st paragraph:  
- The proportion of ~~the~~respondents in ~~both result of survey~~two different surveys~~in~~between 1997 and 2006 based on ~~sort of the communication skills which are important~~type of crucial communication skills in their job is provided ~~by~~in the table.  
  
- ... communication for both of theperiods was on how to make ...  
  
2nd paragraph:  
- ~~First of all~~(there is no "second of all" as a cohesive device in this paragraph, using first of all would be inappropriate)To begin with , ~~in 2006~~the percentage of the (...) higher than before in 2006 .  
  
- ~~whereas~~When asked about advertising (...) that in 2006 ~~was~~had higher proportion ...  
- ... lowest proportion in both of the period.  
  
Hope this helps :)
The number of books read by men and women over 3-year period in Burnaby Public Library is portrayed in the line graph. Overall, it is noticeable that both men and women saw an increase in the end of the period although pattern for women experienced a short fall in the last year. Moreover, it is also clear that the line for men rose significantly if it was compared with women.  
  
At first glance, the sum of books read by women stood at around 5,000, higher than men. Subsequently, there was a gradual rise, which reached 8000 in 2012 and 10,000 in 2013. However, over the last one year, the books read by women dropped back as same as in 2012, hit 8000 in the end of timeframe shown.  
  
On the other hand. The number of books read by men stood at roughly 3,000 books in 2011, lower than women. Over the following one year, there was a steady growth, which peaked 4000 books. Then, in the next two years, the level for men overtook women in 2013 and rose dramatically to approximately 150,000 by the end of the period.  
  
*
Hi Amril,  
  
My feedback towards this essay would be quite similar to the previous feedback. Some redundancies in overview sentence(s) still occur. These are not suggested to be used further in your future practices or even in a real IELTS test. One more thing that I forgot to tell you is that you need to use cohesive devices but not to over-use it. If you take a closer look on your sentences, ALL of them use cohesive devices, except the first sentence. Remember, over-use cohesive devices is one of the criteria in band 5. You cannot go beyond 5 in coherence and cohesion if you still over-use them.  
  
My further suggestion would be on how you should focus on band descriptors. If you aim for band 6 or above, try to take a closer look for each part of the criteria. You are not suggested to ONLY understand it, but ALSO implement it in your writing. Therefore, you can achieve your desirable score later on in your real test. I hope the next practice you can gain some improvements. Good luck :)
***The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?***  
  
These days, most of the people like to using an electronic gadget. Some people say that there is a disadvantage from using a gadget. I totally agree with that electronic media will give bad effect to the users.  
  
People using gadget because many reasons from its function. In fact it has a negative effect to human life. The disadvantage of electronic media usage because it makes someone less time to do relationship with the others. For example, primary high school student who using an electronic media. They will spend a lot of time in front of their gadget, such as laptop, and IPad. They took a long time just for play games by their gadget or they spent their weekend for play PSP in their homes. They prefer playing alone rather than go out with their classmates or relatives. This condition is not good for development their social capability. Because they will lose their moments and contacts with their the loved people.  
  
On the other hand, they might be become un respect with other people around area where they live. The electronic media that they usage, serves many information without any filters, which they not know where the sources and for who the content is purposed. If the children consume any information that have bad impact, it will affect their perception to other people. the study says that most of the young experience the improvement of social relationships it their lives, in 11-18 age group. But, good relationship will not produce without any stimulant, such as gather with families, help older people and make friend. They never do those activities, because they fulfill their time for playing games. If this condition is experienced in long time, they will lose attention for their parent or they will not any friends.  
  
To sum up, there is a bad effect from usage of an electronic media by teenagers. I believe that if there is no action to solve this problem, it will destroy their relationship with loved people
Hi bada, I'm trying to make some comments  
  
Introduction  
  
In introduction, you have told about general statement,paraphrase the question, and make a thesis statements. It is brief, effective, and clear introduction. But you need to mention all the key ideas, in this question the ideas are, electronic media, negative effect, and relationship. You missed to tell about relationship between people. It is better for you to mention all of the idea in introduction or maybe you can tell on your body paragraf.  
  
I want to make an the last introduction based on your idea  
  
... I totally agree with that electronic media will give bad effect for people to make a relationship.  
  
# who ~~using~~use an electronic media ..  
You need to include a verb after conjuction  
  
Thank you  
Break a leg