dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?**  
  
## foreign language trouble

  
  
*My essay :*  
  
It is very likely that living abroad will need different languages more or less. Some people think that using a foreign language can lead to severe social and practical challenges. I partly agree with the former argument since I believe technology has somehow improved the problems over the last several decades.  
  
One of the main situations that having to speak a foreign language can cause social and practical problem is misunderstanding. Some immigrants are too old to study or unable to learn, so mostly they rely on their descendants in every aspect of life. To illustrate this point, few Chinese migrants who left Asia and moved towards the western countries in early age have little interaction with other races due to language barrier, thus they gradually have been crowded out by the local society. Because of not being familiar with them, this can easily result in resentment and even provoke racism stemmed from misinterpretation.  
  
Furthermore, another possible situation is that migrant workers may fall into deception. For some of foreign workers, legal terms in the employment contract are difficult to understand. For example, one may be taken in malicious fraud by obviously unfair huge amount of liquidated damages for breach of contracts written in complicated terms and small size. In addition, a number of female workers have been deceived by ambiguous language and unfortunately been forced to provide sexual entertainment. However, in modern era, it is increasingly common for people to use a smartphone to translate immediately or to search for professional help on the internet. Therefore, for above cases, technology to some extent help overcome this kind of obstacles.  
  
In conclusion, while speaking a foreign language in other countries do contribute to some problems, I believe people can make use of modern tech such as the internet, to improve the difficulties. For reasons outlined above, I can only partially agree with the statement in question.
@phantommandy  
Hi there. Thanks for coming to the forum! I hope that this feedback gives you an idea of how to improve your writing.  
  
First and foremost, try to shift the tone of your writing to something that's more formal. Especially since this is an IELTS task, it is imperative to ensure that you have an academic standard for your writing. For instance, if we take a look at the first paragraph's introductory sentence, you should have changed it to be able to ensure that you're relaying the details with more ease.  
  
Being more technically correct with your writing is also imperative for the rest of your text. If I read what you've presented in your second paragraph, it was still a bit unclear what specifically you were trying to put out as your thesis statement. Try to be clearer with your language to ensure that you aren't going to be misinterpreted by your readers in the long-run.  
  
The concluding paragraph should also be treated with the same regard.
## Parents or schools should teach children how to be good members of society?

  
  
As students in a young age, most of them are growing and learning every single day, to fit in the society, they need to learn how to behave well and learn god manners with some common senses, since students spend most of their time at schools and homes, these two environments plays different roles on the students.  
  
Before we start going to school, parents have a huge position and give us a big influence in our childhood lives. We learn everything from our parents such as their behaviors or styles of communication, parents should serve as models to educate their child to act well whether they are at home or going out to interact with the world outside. In this situation, parents are their biggest teacher to tell them what to do or what not to do to become good members of society.  
  
After we start going to school at our suitable ages, it becomes a totally different environment compared to our family. We spend lots of our time with classmates and friends, we may also join clubs we are interested in at schools. At this moment in our lives, teachers play huge roles to the students. We need to learn some rules during classes, paying attention when the teacher is speaking. Lot more details of manners and behaviors would be taught in schools to help us understand how to behave well in the society and how to interact with different people with empathy. It is also a big function for schools to not only teach students academic knowledges but also how to shape ourselves well in the modern society.  
  
In my opinion at the end, teachers may take a bigger responsibility to educate students to be good members in society since they may observe students in class and adjust their behaviors right away. But it doesn't mean that parent should ignore their duty to educate and influence their child in their own ways.
@kl8600530z  
Hi. Thanks for coming to the site! I hope that the feedback you receive here becomes helpful for your writing endeavors. Don't hesitate to approach us again if you have any additional questions.  
  
The first paragraph from the get-go needed to be diluted and separated into three to four different sentences. Create shorter and simpler sentences that will make it easier for you to shape the rest of your writing, especially since you are dealing with such elaborate details.  
  
Be cautious as well of the tenses and the forms of your verbs. Bear in mind the whole subject-and-verb-agreement notion that dictates how you should morph your writing.  
  
It's also quite unnecessary to repeatedly mention that both of these factors are what "play a huge role" to the students, especially because you've already established this from the very beginning. Mentioning them too many times just appears to be an excessive use of word count - and this is imperative since you are working confined within these limits  
  
The ending conclusion also has to include a more balanced approach to everything to create something that's more substantial. Try to stick with this as much as you can.
@vuvietha  
Hi there. Thanks for coming to the site once more! I hope that my feedback will help you improve your writing.  
  
Generally speaking, the introduction is already quite good. It was straightforward - and yet, it also was packed with the necessary information to make the text more comprehensible.  
  
Delving deeper into the writing, however, II find that you needed to work a bit more on the general flow of your text. Focus more on incorporating necessary punctuation marks to create for a smoother transition. Try to also omit unnecessary words throughout the writing. For instance, there were instances wherein you had inserted "that" just as an excessive word without a specific purpose. While these words may not do a lot of harm from the get-go, they definitely can be treated as just excessive language throughout.  
  
I also noticed that you used two different examples in the third paragraph. This is excessive - just stick to one that has more weight to it. Comparisons outside of it do not really add anything other than over-explanations.  
  
I feel as though the insertion of mental health in the discussion was a bit much for the rest for the writing because it's an over-extension. Stick with just the discussion of lifestyles - and maybe, you can add information about mental health on the latter parts of the discussion. This will make the writing a lot more comprehensible and easier to digest.
## international tourism is harmful?

  
  
*Many countries believe that international tourism has harmful effects, why do they think so? What can be done to change their views?*  
  
Nowadays, it is quite simple for people to travel to other countries. However, debates have yielded a spectrum of views. Some countries do not consider prosperous tourism industry as a positive development. In this essay, I am going to explain the reasons and provide some solutions for it.  
  
First and foremost, the major rationale of denying the tourism for some specific countries is that it might interrupt the original lives of residents in local areas. Since controlling the qualities and numbers of foreigners is quite difficult, the entry of myriad travelers without having the essential respect towards the religion and customs could disgust local citizens. Also, the visit of travelers at some vulnerable environment like natural national park, as a consequence, could cause the tremendous catastrophe such as the destruction of other creatures's habitats.  
  
Therefore, that's why some countries do not like too many outlanders come to their continents. However, I reckon that there are still some ways that can make them comprehend the advantage of welcoming foreign people. Firstly, analyzing the profit which travel industry can contribute to those countries' economy is one effective solution. If the governments realize how considerable amount of money they can earn from the travelers, they would agree to develop this industry. Moreover, governmental institutions can encourage residents to communicate with people from other countries, too. With this action, the society can become more open and dynamic. Last but not least, it is possible to persuade citizens that advertisements and relevant restrictions on the behavior of foreigners can predominantly diminish their negative influences.  
  
In a nutshell, although for some reasons, some countries do not have positive reputation on tourism, some solutions can still be applied to change their belief.
@jocelyne001  
Hi there. Thanks for your continuous participation in the forum! I am hoping that the feedback you receive here will somehow help you in your writing endeavors. Don't hesitate to approach us once more if you have any additional concerns!  
  
Firstly, try to create simpler-sounding sentences to ascertain that the delivery is clear. For instance, that first paragraph is clearly lacking the clarity that is often sought after. You could have just mentioned simply that there ongoing debates on the extent of the impact of tourism. This would have been a much more effective and well-packaged approach to the situation.  
  
Furthermore, the latter parts of the text also have to be treated with the same regard. Notably, you need to focus more on creating more substantive and *yet concise* sentences. Take, for instance, that second paragraph's last sentence - that should have been cropped down to a shorter text, especially accounting for the fact that you weren't trying to explain anything that was too complex.
## opinions about different sport activities

  
  
*Task 2: Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.*  
  
Sports play a vital role in our everyday life due to its benefits for the best of health. Although it seems that people have various views about different sport activities and decide which sport is better for them to participate in, I am of opinion that taking individual sport is a preferable option.  
  
On the one hand, team sports requires teamwork skills and genuinely enhance our social relationships. From many aspects, team sports such as football games is somehow similar to the process in which employees have to work together to compete with the opponents. Besides, playing sports in team can eventually make great chances for people to build new relationships and even broaden their network. As a result, team sports can guarantee player's social communication skills apart from boosting life expectancy.  
  
On the other hand, I do reckon that playing sport on one's own in fact make greater profits to some extent. The first reason is that taking up personal sport allow us to foster independence instead of relying on the others. As the participants want to come out on top, it'd be better try the hardest he can as there is no one by his side. Moreover, a peculiar sport is easier to get along well with our schedule and maintain regular training. Considering that playing sport in team is much more enjoyable, there will be ticklish time for us to share time for attending the weekly sessions.  
  
In conclusion, while team sports bring about undeniable benefits, I believe people should devote more of their spare time to playing individual sports.
@VaniseBlackwood  
Welcome to the site! I'm a contributor here - and I am hoping that this feedback gives you an idea on how to improve your writing.  
  
The introductory thesis statement is well-done. It was a put-together method of formatting your writing, especially because you were able to relay the information with ease. What I do suggest is trying to be more straightforward with the rest of your writing. For example, that second sentence in the first paragraph immediately is over-stretching the details instead of focusing on what really needs to be incorporated into the text.  
  
In the same line of thought, omitting unnecessary and excessive details is also a great way to move forward and maximize your writing space. For example, in your second paragraph's third sentence, you could have removed mentioning that this will "broaden their network" since that's precisely what "building relationships" entail. Being more specific will give you more of a detailed outlook than anything else.
Hello~  
I have some suggestions for your essay.  
  
Firstly, I think the second sentence of the second paragraph can be deleted since it seems to make too many explanations for me. I think your point is good, maybe it's better to add another advantage, so the content of the second paragraph can be more abundant. Secondly, in your second counter statement of paragraph three, you mention the effectiveness of planning your own schedule by playing peculiar sports. However, not all peculiar sports are for single players, maybe it's better to be changed.  
  
Hope my opinions are helpful~
***## All children should study a foreign language, starting in the earliest grades.

  
To what extent do you agree or disagree to this statement ?***  
  
There is a policy regulates an international languages as mandatory subjects for young age. In my point of view, I totally agree with the regulation since children has a clear memorial and it devotes them wide opportunities to get international experiences.  
  
To begin with, it is generally known that young people has a good ability to memorize and to assimilate a lesson. People argue it is because they have not faced complexity as well as problems in their daily activities, hence it gives them possibility to learn intensively about new languages. Furthermore, children can easily imitate a precise pronunciation of words and conceive the meaning. Then, the methods give them huge benefits and can lead them to become expert in the earliest age.  
  
Another reason of applying foreign languages to curriculum of young age education is giving them immense chances to participate in global communities. It is acceptable that the main goal of education is transforming civilization becomes more sophisticated, and it requires a large collaboration. Thus, preparing skillful students through studying foreign languages is comprehensive way to participate in international networking. Taking for instance, my classmate in university who had learn English since elementary school and Arabic when staying in boarding house during secondary school have much opportunities joining international events rather than others students who learn English only in senior high school.  
  
To conclude, I rE-declare my position that I fully agree with the notion considered by strong memorial children have and the possibilities to join international projects.
@Ali20  
Hi there. Thanks for being a continuous participant in the forum! I hope that this feedback gives you insight on how to improve your writing.  
  
Firstly, always tackle the details heads-on in a way that will help you become more specific with the information you put out here. For instance, the introductory paragraph could still have been shaped in this manner. As a rule of thumb, try asking yourself follow-up questions after each sentence that you write. A clear essay shouldn't leave any untrimmed edges unanswered in order to boldly proclaim what the thesis statement is.  
  
Furthermore, try to use more appropriate language that will not cause confusion in the minds of the readers. If we take a look at your third paragraph, for example, the second sentence's mention of a "large collaboration" doesn't necessarily make a whole lot of sense. You could have jumped straight into explaining that this is a method of networking than anything else. In that sense, you could have created something that was more straightforward and easily comprehensible.  
  
The conclusion also needs to be hammered down more because you cannot merely just re-declare your position. You need to provide a second layer of analysis for the readers in this part of the text.
## travel to and from the uk, destinations of the british tourists

  
  
The line graph provides data on the number of British visited aboard and the international travelers who came to Britain over the period of 35 years while the bar chart illustrates from which countries the UK's residents regularly visited in 2004.  
  
Overall, the pattern of British visitors was always higher than the pattern of foreign visitors who came to UK, with the divided into two group of countries which one had a huge number of British visitors and the another had less attractive than the first group.  
  
The trend of UK visitors has a remarkably grow from nearly 10 million people in 1979 to properly 60 million people in 2004, approximately six times more than in 1979. There was a rapidly rose in the number of overseas residents visited England, though not by the same amount. In the two periods of 1994 to 1989 and 1989 to 2004, the trend was increased slowly.Conversely, in the period of 1984 and 1989, the number of foreign visitors to UK went up nearly doubled than in 1984.  
  
As it observed in the bar chart, France and Spain is the most popular countries that attracted a lot of visitors from England in 2004, respectively 11 million and 9 million travelers annually. On the other hand, the group of remainder three countries included USA, Greece and Turkey had lower number of British visitors, around 4 million people a year.  
  
Thanks a lot !!!!  
  
*
@Rosiee Nguyen  
Hi there. Welcome to the forum! I hope that this feedback of mine gives you insight on how to improve your writing. Please don't hesitate to ask if you have any more additional questions as we'd love to entertain them!  
  
I don't think there's anything that's extremely wrong with your writing. However, I do find that you can still improve the overall academic appeal of the writing, especially because the certain parts of the text are still a little bit outdated. For example, that first paragraph should have been divided into two to three different sentences to create something that's more comprehensive.  
  
While I think that your observations were generally okay, they still lacked that push to be considered as properly written out. For instance, the excessive usage of numbers throughout the third paragraph can be interpreted in such a lousy manner, especially because it doesn't really flow well with the rest of the writing. What you could have done is substitute these intervals with more descriptive phrases to create more dynamism in the writing that'll be more appropriate for the rest of the text.
Hello @Rosiee Nguyen.  
  
these my comments about your writing.  
1.initial sentence of your writing, i tend to disagree with this word *"**regularly** visited in 2004"*  
because there is no explanation that can give clear information about this. there is only information about the common destination countries whom UK residents visit.  
  
2. i find quite confusing with this sentence "... periods of 1994 to 1989 and 1989 to 2004, the trend ...". i suggest you to make clear grouping.
***write a letter to reply him:  
- give your opinion about your friend's business idea  
- tell him weather or not you have decided to accept his offer  
- and explain your reason for this decision***  
  
Dear Steve,  
  
I hope you are doing good. Happy to receive a mail from you. Thanks for choosing me to be as your partner for your new venture. I am replying back to let you know my opinion on this.  
  
It was a great business idea by the way, The powerpoint presentation sent by you to explain the whole point of business is crystal clear. I can imagine how it is going to run. Even though, cab companies are already a lot in our city, the unique ideas you mentioned within the document are going to be the selling points, which bring's high profits in return.  
  
I would like to tell you an example. One of my relative recently started a food delivery company in Mumbai. He's yielding around twenty percent margin every month by applying his creative thoughts into the business.  
  
Even though the idea is great, I am sorry to reject your offer. I have been totally involved in the hotel venture which was started last December. I am spending more than eight hours a day to visit all our newly opened restaurants in the nearby towns. With such busy schedule in a week, I cannot spend time to manage any other activity. Hope you can understand the situation. All the very best for all your new plans. Write me if you need help in any other means.  
  
Thanks,  
John.
... me to be ~~as~~ your partner ... I am ~~replying back~~ writing to let you know my opinion ~~on this.~~  
  
... by the way. (a period not a comma) The powerpoint ... (awkward) I can imagine ... cab companies ~~are already a lot~~ in our city, ...  
  
... One of my relative (relatives) recently ...  
... his creative ~~thoughts~~ ideas ...  
  
... Please feel free to contact ~~Write~~ me ...
## numbers of generated and consumed electricity

  
  
The bar chart illustrates the number of both electricity consumption and production of top 10 countries across Asia, Europe and America in 2014. Looking from an overall perspective, majority of countries produced more electricity than it depleted.  
  
It is apparent readily that most proportion electricity was both generated and consumed by China, that it both accounted for over 5000. The United States took second place who represented over 4000 production. The consumption of electricity in the United States was slightly less than it produced. The country who occupied the third place was Russia, the number of Russia was significantly different from previous two countries. It only constituted merely over 1,000 for both expenditure and production.  
  
Turning to the rest of countries, number of generated and consumed electricity were all below 1000. These countries overall produced slightly more than they consumed, however, only the amount of electricity production in Germany was insufficient for used.
@yahsuanamber  
Hello! Welcome to the forum. I'm a contributor, so I am hoping that this feedback of mine gives you an idea on how to improve this essay.  
  
Firstly, be extra cautious when you are using (and not using) punctuation marks. Missing out on the appropriate placements can be dragging for your essay, especially since you need to be able to compartmentalize your writing to make it appear a lot more effective in giving out details. Try to be paraphrase parts of the writing that can be worked on. For instance, the last sentences of the second paragraph should be paraphrased in a way that will give your writing more presence. Avoid repetitive words as much as possible.  
  
The last paragraph also needs to be hammered down more because it appears as though you were focusing too much on a single country's concern, rather than really giving out something that's comprehensive and focused.