dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
I am not confident that you can get a good score with a mere 151 words written. You should aim to write at least 1750 words to get a better overall scoring consideration. The sentences are too short. There are not enough simple and complex sentence presentations to warrant a better GRA score. There are spelling problems within the essay, and you seem to have taken a short cut in the presentation of the water cycle process.  
  
The overview is not complete enough. It should have 3 sentences in it that present:  
- The type of image  
- The listing of the 3 stages  
- The final outcome of the cycle  
  
From there, you should have a uniform way of presenting the explanation. If you start with "First", then continue with "Second", and "Third" or "The final step". You need uniformity in your procedure presentation.  
  
You did not spellcheck your work. There are spelling errors:  
noticable - noticeable  
intrustes - intrusion  
  
You did not change the presentation enough when it came to the presentation of the evaporation explanation. You used the statement in an almost cut and paste method. You should have changed the presentation enough to make it appear to the examiner that you did not simply memorize the phrase for reuse in your presentation. Another way of presenting that portion:  
  
*Evaporation is reliant on the rate of water vaporization in the ocean. The ocean has a water dissipation rate of 80 % , a major contributor to the condensed air rising into the clouds.*  
  
Overall you did just well enough to possibly pass the test. You could have done better. Perhaps I will see your improvement in the next essay? I look forward to it.
Please help me review my ielts writing task 2  
  
**## Today, parents spend little free time with their children.

  
*Why is it the case? Who are more affected? Parents or children?***  
  
These days, it is true that parents do not spend much time on their children. There are a number of reasons for this, and from my perspective, this tendency have more profound impacts on children than parents.  
  
To begin with, the major reason why parents spend less time taking care of their offspring is that parents are busy working. In a modern society today, the high cost of living and increasingly competitive job market drive parents to become workaholics. This means that adults could undertake extended hours of work such as taking night shifts or working overtime and only return home till late at night. Therefore, it is really difficult for parents to set aside their quality time with their children. Furthermore, taking care of children sometimes take a great deal of effort and time, meanwhile, adults tend to take the rest of the day to unwind and recharge their batteries when coming back home as they experience a hard-working day. So, parents often let their offspring play with babysitters or technical gadgets such as smartphones, computers or tablets. This also explains why the time that parents spend on their children is increasingly little.  
  
Children are more vulnerable to the detrimental effects of deficient interaction with their parents. This is because children are in the stage of shaping their personalities and behaviors, and therefore, very need the care and education from their parents. Without adequate supervision and advice of parents, children can easily go on the wrong track such as committing crimes, drug addiction. Even though children can suffer from psychological crisis or unexpected behavioral changes such as mood swings, depression, emotional distress, which could do harm to children's physical and mental health.  
  
In conclusion, I think that parents today do not spend enough time for their children, which creates a more destructive effect on children than parents.
Excellent work on the reasoning paragraphs. The dual topic presentation was well presented. It used good transition methods from one topic to the next in the same paragraph. The paragraphs utilizes good examples and accurately supports the thought behind the example The length of the paragraph is justified because your explanation was developed well enough in each paragraph.  
  
That said, the main problem with your presentation is the lack of relevance in the original prompt restatement and the concluding paragraph summary. The opening statement, does an acceptable topic restatement. However, you should have given the discussion topic outline in the last 2 sentences, based on the given questions of the original prompt. That would have shown the examiner how you plan to discuss the topics and, allows him to gauge how well you understood the topic and discussion requirements.  
  
Additionally, there are several grammar issues that would have had an effect on the scoring considerations for your otherwise good work. When writing in an academic done, avoid using overused phrases and words such as "really difficult". Drop the "really" and just say "difficult". "Really difficult" sounds highly amateurish. As an advanced student, you should avoid using words that will make the paper read like it was written by a grade school student.  
  
You should also use a comma when listing related items (smartphones, computers, or tablets). It helps to make the sentence clearer in the mind of the reader. You should also work on using specific adjectives to help add to the clarity of the discussion presentation. "High cost of living" is an overused phrase. It would be more impressive if you said "Prohibitive cost of living instead.  
  
Your concluding summary is incomplete. You should remember, the concluding summary should contain the same information as the prompt restatement. The idea, is to prove that you can explain yourself in 2 ways, based on the use of different thought presentations in the final paragraph. It will help judge if you can clearly restate your discussion and reasoning topics, without getting confused the 2nd time you have to present the same information.
**IELTS 1**  
## the amount of electricity produced from different energy sources

  
  
The line chart illustrates changes in the figure for electricity generated by three different sources measured in millions kilowatt hours to supply the city of New York from 1980 to 2000. Overall, petroleum became the main supply energy in the cities, while the figure for natural gas overtook the figure for coal in 1990 and being the second importance sources producing energy over the period of 20 years.  
  
In 1980, petroleum was the most crucial sources generating energy, registered 300 million kilowatt hours. It then decreased erratically, reached a peak of 600 million kw hours in 1985 before falling back to 350 million in 1990. However, the figure for petroleum rose dramatically in the next 10 years, reached a peak of over 700 million kw hours by the end of the period.  
  
On the other hand, coal experienced a gradual rise in 1985, at about 300 million kw hours before decreasing steadily by the end of period, approximately 200 million kw hours. In contrast, the figure for natural gas remained constantly over the first 5 years, it then increased considerably, overtaking coal in 1990 and reaching a peak of over 500 million kw hours in 2000  
  
*
You have a tendency to use run-on sentences in your essay. You will score better if you learn to separate your sentence topics instead of presenting all of them in one statement. That is confusing and does not really result in complex sentence presentations. Rather, your GRA score will be lower because you successfully confused the reader in relation to your content presentation. This is particularly evident in your summary overview that should have had 3-5 sentences in the presentation covering various key data from the line chart.  
  
Work on your vocabulary. Don't use common phrases and descriptions such as "different sources", that shows a shallow English vocabulary that will not increase your LR score. However, if you had said something like "dissimilar sources", you would have shown a better access to English words that could help increase the LR score for your essay. Good work on creatively mentioning the 3 energy sources in the summary. It was interesting and would have definitely helped you get a better TA score.
## Life in a big city

  
  
*Living in big city is bad for people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?*  
  
Living in the urban cause many awful effects on citizens' health. In my point of view, I agree with this opinion to some extent and it has both opposite sides.  
  
Firstly, I admit that living in big cities have many pollutants which human have to deal with. The emission made by vehicles, factories,...causes some respiratory system diseases. For example, one of the diseases which everyone easily has to deal with is asthma. In addition, not only was physical health but also one more bad effect is mental health. The sound came from transportation system such as cars, motorbikes,... it is really noisy. People can concentrate on business or relax after a busy day. Its called noise pollution. All of that bring about the bad health for people living in the city center.  
  
In contrast, citizens have many benefits which good for their health. One of the health's services is the fitness center. People come here to improve their physical health better. Besides, the technology system is very modern. In many hospitals, the patients can be taken care of very carefully with the best services. Many serious diseases such as cancer, HIV,... are able to be handled by the best doctor and many new technologies systems. One more thing is the increase in entertainment industry, it has positive effect on people who have busy lifestyle.  
  
In conclusion, despite the harmful effects listed beyond, I think the advantage are outweigh the disadvantage.  
( Please score my essay )
I think you should provide the facts in more detail and in attractively way using more vocabulary and academic words. You should provide the disadvantages of big cities with more ideas - the unhealthy food, the stressful work life and the transportation system,etc. I think you should not write the advantages of the bid cities because the question is only to focus on the bad side of the city. So, you should collected more information and describe it using more vocabulary and conclude your essay claiming whether you are agree or disagree.
## The modern technology has made people less creative

  
  
*Leisure is a growing industry, but people no longer entertain themselves as much as they used to because the use of modern technology has made them less creative. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?  
  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.*  
  
Going to vacation is a trend nowadays and this is the reason behind the growth of travel sector. I completely agree with the statement as with the advancement of technology over the period of time, holidays are becoming boring and more insensible as over dependency on gadgets like, mobile and camera are making us less imaginative. Let us discuss it thoroughly with help of next paragraphs.  
  
Undoubtedly, technology has changed our life drastically, but simultaneously carries some disadvantages with it. As compared to the past, people are avid to take lots of photographs for the memories, but camera does not allow a person to enjoy the current moments and they could easily skip the essence of the holiday. For Example, people in the mid of 90s used to paint the scenery in their leisure time which made them more creative and artistic. On the other hand, now people are glued with the camera just for the sake of sharing pictures on social media.  
  
We all are becoming the slaves of technology especially mobile phones which have made us a Mobile Zombie. It never allows a person to enjoy the holiday at the fullest and can eat a significant time which could be utilized to find out more activities to make the vacation more entertaining. Till the time of invention of mobile, the people used to do enormous adventurous and creative activities to entertain themselves which helped them to live the life in better way.  
  
To recapitulate, modern technologies are required to make our life easier, but we should also look at the other side of the coin. People should enjoy their leisure time with nature and its serene beauty which can enhance their imagination.
Your restatement is still unclear. It is confusing and you are not properly assessing the original discussion requirements.  
  
*Original topic: Leisure is a growing industry, but people no longer entertain themselves as much as they used to  
Original Reason: the use of modern technology has made them less creative.  
Original Question: Do you agree or disagree with this statement?*  
  
Your topic: Going to vacation is a trend nowadays (Error)  
Your Reason : the reason behind the growth of travel sector (Error)  
Response: I completely agree with the statement as with the advancement of technology over the period of time, holidays are becoming boring and more insensible as over dependency on gadgets like, mobile and camera are making us less imaginative. ( Error. Conflict of discussion representation based on your reasoning statement and an improper understanding of the discussion topic / outline from the original presentation)  
  
If you say that going on vacations is a growing trend, then why are you saying that holidays are becoming boring? Why would people need to use gadgets if they are having a good time on vacations? The original prompt referred to leisure, not tourism or going on vacation ias growing industry. You misunderstood leisure to mean travel. Leisure is connected to entertainment, not travel. Your prompt restatement is so incorrect, your TA covers a totally different topic, travel, instead of leisure.  
  
Proper restatement:  
*Entertainment is a progressively increasing field of business as people look for more creative ways to relax. However, staying amused is no longer limited to old school means such as taking up creative hobbies like photography and painting. Innovative new gadgets have caused people to use less of their imagination when entertaining themselves. I agree with this statement due to a couple of personal experiences.*  
  
You should have used 2 examples in 2 separate paragraphs to show how technology has limited the creativity of a person. In photography, it is the use of cellphone cameras that did that. Another example paragraph would have been with regards to painting. There are now paint by numbers and scratch painting kits available that no longer require the user to know how to draw or mix colors, thus reducing the need for creativity and the learning of new skills or abilities on the part the person doing the activity. These requirements that reduce creative thinking and activity have made personal entertainment boring.  
  
Your concluding statement is not a reverse paraphrase. You went off and created your own discussion topics, reasons, and conclusions. The essay only partly addressed the task because of the following failures:  
  
- Incorrect prompt restatement  
- Incorrect response to the prompt question  
- Under developed reasoning paragraphs  
- Incorrect concluding summary
***## Many people are traveling to other countries

.  
Why? Is it a positive or negative development?***  
  
Nowadays people are traveling to other parts of the world more than ever before. I opine that this phenomenon impacts on the world whether they are positive or negative are equally considerable. In the following paragraphs, using my own knowledge I will discuss the cause and also the influences of this development.  
  
Thanks to the recent achievements in technology, traveling and tourism is easier to access than ever before. Nowadays, there are a myriad means of transport for people to conveniently choose from, the choice varies from private or public transportation. In the past, it could take days for travelers who took horses or trains to get to the destination, but now the place can be reached easily within hours even if that place is on the other hemisphere. Ultimately, mass tourism has been a huge part of modern days society mainly because of advanced transport system  
  
As a means of entertainment and convenience in ours everyday life, traveling nodoubtly is of great benefits for the world economy; however, it can possibly bring some negative effects to the aspect of the environment. First of all, touring plays a huge role in attributing to a country's economy. To illustrate, Viet Nam, a small and under development country in the southeast of Asia, has an economic system that relies heavily on foreign travelers. In countries like Viet Nam, many people are consistently taking advantage of traveling, as a major source of their incomes. On the other hand, the development of tourism goes parallel with the increase of risking environmental values. Sometimes, visitors overlook the importance of environmental preservation and therefore pay little attention to their behavior which can unintentionally cause pollution and detrimental effects on the place environment. Tosting garbage, feeding wild animals and using non- environmental friendly vehicles are just some of the touring activities that can cause great loss to the natural world.  
  
To conclude, it is obvious that recently successful technological developments contribute significantly to the progress of nowadays traveling conveniences.Despite doing harm for the environment, this still brings a lot of beneficial and impactful changes to many people's lives.
The essay was going strong until you took a misstep in the second reasoning paragraph. That is the part where you were supposed to present a single opinion. Either travel has a positive or negative impact. You cannot defend both. You cannot do that because the question asked "Is it a positive or a negative development. " Based on the scoring requirements for this test, you must provide a clear opinion regarding the given decision. You cannot say that yo agree with both because this is not a comparative opinion essay.  
  
Note that you were not asked to discuss both points of view before presenting your opinion. That is the only time when you can use a comparative discussion and have a "maybe" response in the form of "both sides have benefits and negatives". In this case, you either see the events you described in the first reasoning paragraph as a positive or a negative, then explain why in the second reasoning paragraph. Your essay score will be low because you were indecisive about picking one side to support in the discussion and that, is going to be a bigger scoring problem for you than the grammar issues that your essay also has.  
  
The only impact you should have discussed, for C&C purposes was "Ease of travel has created a positive / negative development in terms of travel (pick one side). The impacts to be considered are:  
  
- Environmental (air pollution, global warming)  
- Personal Debt ( with regards to how people can afford to easily travel)  
- Destruction of natural environments due to tourism upgrades  
  
Any of these would have worked well with your previous discussion as a continuing point of consideration (C&C). Your current second discussion lacks that connection with the previous paragraph so the discussion is not cohesive.
## Modernity and its causes

  
  
Over the years, mankind has recognized that their word is developing more modern and convenient. Therefore, it is also the reason why many people are widely arguing that modern brings whether benefits or just drawbacks to their life.  
  
First of all, It is maintained that the modern world makes our life condition is better and better. Thanks to the development and making progress continuous, nowadays people have access to the newest pieces of information from all over the world easily, conveniently and fairy. This means that every person all can keep pace with the vital changes minute by minute of the world. For instance, at the time when Corona Virus has outbroken, the media and the care of government have played an important role in providing pieces of information for every citizen regardless of their country, culture, and color of skin. For this reason, the pandemic has been prevented from widespreading quickly and complicatedly. In addition to this, people also have better treatment and might live longer. In other words, they can recover from their sickness, even in a critical condition, perfectly with the development of the medical industry.  
  
While it can be denied that living in the modern world has many drawbacks. According to the recent report, the number of teenagers giving up studying or involving in illegal activities has been going up dramatically, which has made the quality of human-life go up. Not to mention that, the development of the internet has made more chances for cybercrime as well. For instance, the Nth room, is operated by Cho Joo bin, was caught posting sexual video into a private telegram or the fact that the hacker hacks your network account such as Facebook, Zalo, Tweeter, etc, then steals private pieces of information, threaten to post them if you don't give him/her money.  
  
On balance, in the light of this envidence,it is clear that living in modern brings not only great benefits but also many drawbacks