dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## worth and unforgettable experience?

  
  
Recently, young people would like to take a trip or work during the gap year after graduating from high school. In my opinion, there are several advantages and disadvantages result in people hesitating whether do this or not.  
  
Some advantages are as following. People can get more experience through the gap year. If go traveling, they can learn different culture of other countries. Plus, it is the best way to broaden their international view. In other hand, if working, people are able to accommodate the society before they become freshman. Therefore, turning more mature than their future classmate. Moreover, it will be easier to manage their relationship between others.  
  
Though taking a gap year may help a lot during university in future, it will accompanied by some potential risks or dangerous. Unlike western countries, some parents in Asia concern about their kids exaggerate. They will be anxiety when their kids are not together with them. Furthermore, for children, it is hard to adapt a new environment in both travel or work. While, if working, they might under pressure that making lots complaining. It may have negative effect to those whose parents over concerned.  
  
Whether to take a gap year depends on people themselves. Most important is that the experience during the year is worth and unforgettable. In addition, taking the gap year can learn something that never exist in university.
Jane, if I am not mistaken, the prompt you are responding to in this task is as follows: *In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.*  
  
Here is the thing. If this is indeed the prompt that you are responding to, then it should not have been discussed as a personal opinion essay because the prompt does not require that. It does require an advantage and disadvantage discussion, but only within the realm of public, not personal opinion. Therefore, your approach to the essay may be considered faulty and you will get scored down in the TA section. However, you will be scored properly for the rest of the sections because the essay you wrote still responds accurately to the prompt. It's just that this is not a personal opinion essay so your TA base score would be somewhere between a 4 and 5.
Hello Jane,  
  
I found some mistakes from your essay.  
  
Firstly, Grammar:  
-learn different culture of other countries => different cultures  
-In other hand => on another hand.  
-If go traveling => if they go traveling-  
-if working, people are able to accommodate the society before they become freshman. => if young people work, a freshman.  
  
Secondly, Meaning:  
  
This sentence : Though taking a gap year may help a lot during university  in future, it will accompanied by some potential risks or dangerous.  
  
=>... a lot during university in future, however, it will ...  
  
I hope it useful.  
  
Happy
*Many countries increase the amount of household garbage going to landfill every year. What are the causes? What can be done to reduce it?*  
---  
## Reducing garbage of household

  
  
In many countries, environmental pollution is a serious problem. It mostly comes from daily activities of citizens. Household garbage is one of the most crucial reasons creating issues to the environment. Indeed, families' rubbish rapidly increases. There are many causes of this problem. Consequently, reducing the amount of garbage to landfill every year is necessary to protect human's life and the environment.  
  
Every year, there is the amazing development of the populations in many developing countries. Therefore, consumptions become higher. This leads to the rising of rubbish dumps. Additionally, the modern society creates a lot of equipment to make our life easier and more convenient. Bottles, papers, rubbers, and plastics are some materials used to produce a lot of supportive stuff. Without an appropriate management or recycling methods, these used objects are normally thrown out to our surroundings and take part in another process of damaging our environment. As a consequence, it is necessary to limit the amount of household garbage as low as possible.  
  
Because of its importance and urgency, Governments should pay a high attention to reduce the amount of household garbage to their dumps. Popular education may be the first recommendation. Public environment protected training and recycling guidelines are priority (should be prior) activities for citizens to have knowledge of solving their own rubbish. Moreover, many countries may issue many useful rules, such as increasing taxes for many materials, supplying more bins in public areas, online bills, and strict punishments. Nevertheless, every individual and each family are requested to spend their time for recycling garbage and using the recycling stuff.  
  
It is undeniable that our environment needs to be protected. Reducing garbage of household is one of the musts (a must). So, we could live in a fresh air and enjoy our lives.  
  
(321 words)
Hang, you are taking an IELTS Task 2 test. This means, you are not allowed to start your discussion of the topic in the first paragraph. That is meant to only provide a restatement of the prompt requirements. It cannot house the actual discussion because those are required elements for paragraphs 2-4 of the essay, prior to the statement of the conclusion. The correct presentation for this opening paragraph is:  
  
*Countries increasingly fill landfills with trash from residences on a yearly basis. There are a number of factors that cause this. In this essay, I will present 2 causes of increased waste in dumping grounds. I will also make a suggestion as to how this can be reduced in the future.*  
  
Now, your body paragraphs are mere representations of various reasons why the garbage lots fill up. It does not really explain why this happens. Just that these are the causes for the increased rubbish in these disposal areas. So you will lose points for incompletely developed paragraph presentations. Your solution discussion is also difficult to understand and borders on the incoherent due to the problem with your sentence structures. It takes a few repeated readings before one can figure out what the point of the paragraph is.  
  
Please do not present information in parenthesis. Any statement that you make needs to be connected to the existing paragraph structure, this method of presentation removes that connection and makes the parenthesis contained information irrelevant to the discussion.
## global vs local history?

  
  
Some people argue that schoolchildren should spend most of their time on studying local history rather than global history. However, I do not agree with this opinion because I think that these fields of historical study are equally important.  
  
On the one hand, the study of local history can increase awareness and pride of children about where they live. When children learn local history, this means they learn the history of a town, an old building, a church, and everything around them. Therefore, they can have a clearer understanding of the area in which they still live. Besides, when children hear incredible stories about national heroes from their grandparents, they are inspired to become a good citizen later. In other words, learning local history increases children's confidence and sense of achievement, encouraging them to protect their local community and traditional values.  
  
On the other hand, understanding world history is a cornerstone for children to become a global citizen in the future. The study of the global history can reveal the diversity of human experiences, which motivates schoolchildren to learn more about other cultures. When they develop curiosity, they will be ready to absorb new knowledge and work with others all over the world. It is impossible to become a global citizen without a certain level of curiosity. And the study of world history is a good way to stimulate that interest.  
  
In conclusion, I disagree with the view that children should prioritize the study of local history, because I believe that learning national and world history plays an equal importance in children's development in the future.
local history, because  
"local history, because" I think the comma should omitted.  
The topic says nothing about school children directly, so I think it's better if you start with a more general statement first.  
Some changes I prefer:  
"these fields" => *each of these fields*  
"live. When " => *live. Therefore, when ...* and omit "this means" and "Therefore, they can" =>*As a result, they...*  
Overall, you write very smooth and understandable.
Van, I am confused as to the method of presentation that you have in this essay. In the title, you say that you are discussing an opinion essay for this topic. Yet, your presentation is that of a compare and contrast essay. Discussing both opinions prior to presenting your own. There are 2 conflicting discussion types in your presentation. My inability to properly assess your essay for relevance in this instance is because you failed to provide the complete prompt requirements. That is why I am unsure about whether or not you presented your ideas in the proper manner. Perhaps next time you can provide the complete prompt along with the new essay. That way, I can tell if you are doing the right job or not. BTW, please remember the 3 sentence minimum requirement as it applies to both the opening and closing presentations of your essay. You will be marked down for writing less than the correct sentence number. In terms of your discussion, I can only assume that you made a mistake in delivering your response since you indicated an opinion essay alone, but you discussed a compare and contrast with personal opinion essay instead.
It is now possible for scientist and tourist to travel remote natural environment such us the south pole  
What are advantages and disadvantages of this development?  
  
## Tourist and Natural Environment

  
  
Presently, travel to the rural area not as impossible as in the past. Many tripper even scientist can be easy to visit those region. By this condition there is merit and demerit that possibly happen and will explain clearly in this essay.  
  
Travelling now have become one of great lifestyle by some people. It such an important necessity to visit unique place which is usually in the rustic area. Unfortunately some visitor lack of knowledge about the place that will be visiting and also lack of preparation for the journey, as the impact those traveler will get problem both in terms of health and equipment. i believe do travelling in the rural area is not just bring our self and imagine the spectacular scenery and spectacular picture that will get, but the more important is how all the fittings already manage well.  
  
In addition, do travelling in the suburb area makes any impact to the environment, it clearly seen what happen in Everest since it can visit by tripper who do hiking there. People now are free to do what they want to do without take any attention to the environment. While there are so much mortal that should be preserve  
  
To sum up, travel should be prepare well before the journey begin, because good preparation will lead to the good condition also. I personally believe that traveling to the rural is good but we should also keep our environment
Hi Ummu,  
1. Many tripper even scientist ... => this should be plural. And It's better to use "these" than "those" in our essay. Morover, "Even" should be used in the situation of un-common, weird thing. My suggestion: "Many trippers included both tourist and scientist can be easy to visit these regions"  
  
2. Travelling now have become ... => wrong verb and unclear structure. => "Travelling becomes a great lifestyle of some people, nowadays".  
  
3. In addition, do travelling in ... => "Additionally, Visitors may cause many heavy impacts to the environment in these suburb areas" => try to not confirm 100% in the essay, you better to use "may", "can", "be able to"... to mention your ideas/ predictions/ opinions. Only write direct verb/ confirmation for 100% true things. :)  
  
3. I think there are a lot of grammar errors such as plural, singular, and words using. Please carefully check. Goodluck :)
Ummu, the difficulty in understanding your presentation and the lack of cohesive and coherent paragraphs have led me to believe that your score for this essay will not be higher than a 3. You do not express a clear position on the discussion, and your ideas remain underdeveloped due to your difficulty in presenting your opinions and thoughts on the matter in the English language. You have an extremely limited ability to portray cohesive devices in your sentence development which left you with highly limited control over your word formation when it came to sentence presentation. There are simply too many grammatical errors and sentence structure problems in your essay for it to be considered for a score higher than the one that I gave you. You must go back and study how to form simple English sentences, learn how to properly do that, and then practice writing simple sentences before you try to write another practice test. That is because I doubt, based upon your current skills that simply writing the practice tests will help you improve your skills. You need basic training before on to advanced English language training.
**It is necessary for parents to attend parenting training course to bring their children up.  
Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## parenting and nourishing kids

  
  
As parents, knowledge about nourishing kids is very important. Especially, currently, many people get married in the young age. Hence, I totally agree if fossils taking course about be good parents.  
  
Firstly, look the number of young people get married early, it will be worry with their relation by the time. With their age, is not easy to manage and organized their household. Therefore, the number of divorce often increase, following the number of young person get married early. For a example, mostly my friends who fast married have broken home. This happened, because their knowledge about parenting is less. So, training course about the issue is nice for them especially for both of young father and mother.  
  
Secondly, through this training we can reduce the number of promiscuity, because several oldsters are amateur become father and mother actually. It means, too fast become graybeard, in the deep explanation, they have not ready with their knowledge, their experience, their mental and others. All of it have to prepared early, the one way is through this training course. As is there this course, we hope can tackle this issue or minimalist the number of it. so that, attending the training course is pivotal to do.  
  
To conclude, become parents are not easy, so we have to prepare all things about household. I suggest to government to make new rule about this problem and collaborate with oldster to parenting and nourishing their kids. The last, I hope except to handle this problem, the number of broken home will happen reduction.  
  
Please give me score ^\_^
hi Alimin Hamzah, it is good to read your essay about parenting and children.  
your pattern in writing task 2 already clear, by gives main idea and conclude by provide sum up.  
unfortunately, when i read it, your essay look like over generalized, you can take attention by the word "it is not easy to manage .."  
also you use some "rude word" like "look the number of young people.."  
  
i think, it should be make soften  
but overall, you already success to make a good essay.  
good luck ^^
Hello Alimin, this essay has plus and minus. The positive point on this essay is overall structure offered well developed, while this essay is mostly supported with average grammar skills. Some sentences lack cohesion. This results in poor coherence among paragraphs. Here do I give you an example how to build bridges between parts of your sentences and paragraphs:  
  
Introduction:  
A parenting education program suggested to those wanting to nurture their children is justifiable. I totally agree with this initiative as parents should be equipped with this effective parenting skills, and thus a better child-parent relationship is the most valued.  
  
Conclusion:  
In conclusion, parenting classes teach parents how to help develop their children in a close-knit family. The class provides real solutions on building solid relationship between parents and children.  
  
Hope this short valuable feedback can be a brief guideline to help you improve the issue.  
  
- Eddy Suaib
Alimin, your score for this essay will not be higher than a 2 for a very simple reason, your response barely responds to the given prompt. You have somehow managed to not only misunderstand the prompt requirement, but also discuss a totally different topic along with it. You have an obviously weak ability when it comes to English comprehension skills. The simple paraphrasing of the prompt was something as follows:  
  
*These days, courses in parenting are being offered to help parents learn how to properly raise their children. Some questions have arisen as to whether or not this is a necessary activity for parents. I have a tendency to agree with the opinion that parents should take parenting courses in order to help them better raise their children.*  
  
Now, the problem with your essay is that you do not focus on the sole discussion topic provided. You also discuss divorce and promiscuity, which are not included in the original prompt discussion. Therefore, a prompt deviation occurred. It was this mistake in your discussion presentation that led to the failure of your overall essay presentation.
Hello Guy,  
  
I think your essay didn't follow the prompt, I found some grammar mistakes:  
  
1.You should focus on multiple, single :  
#the number of divorce => divorces  
# number of young person => young people.  
# I totally agree if fossils taking  course about be good parents. => a course.  
  
# All of it have => it has  
  
2.A,an,the  
#I suggest to government to make new rule .... => the government, a new rule  
# For a example => an example.  
  
I hope it can help you.  
  
Happy
**It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to develop your essay.**  
  
## opportunities for a child

  
  
When it comes to the issue of whether it is better for children to grow up in the countryside or in a big city, people's opinion differs based on their view on life. Some prefer to take back their children from pollution and all the crowd exists in city life, while others find merits in growing up their children in the city. Personally, I completely disagree with growing children in a countryside because by living in city children can use better educational facilities and learn modern communication skills effectively.  
  
Education has a major part in the children's success and this cannot be achieved without good schools and universities. Most good schools and universities are located inside or near cities. As a result, without living in a city, it would be very difficult for a child to access these institutes. For example, many good universities in the United States like MIT, Stanford and Georgia Tech are in cities. Moreover, without a good education, there is a high chance that he or she becomes unemployed in the future. So by living growing up in a city, he has the chance to build his or her future.  
  
On the other hand, people should have effective social and communication skills to find a good job. Those who live in countryside mostly don't have such skills. When a child grows up in a city, he has to talk with many people during the day. He also has the opportunity to attend classes to learn communication skill like Center For Communication skills in our city. On the other hand, using the learned communication skill he or she can find a job easier, as many companies need a person who can strongly talk with its customers.  
  
In summary, growing up in a city provides many opportunities and enhancement for a child. These facilities can ensure his working future and that's why I am opposing growing up a child in the countryside.  
  
[324]
Behzab, your essay is very strong in terms of discussion points. These are well threshed out, presented, and completed developed to the point where I can safely say that your reasoning and examples are strong and will provide you with an excellent consideration for the C&C, LR, and GRA sections of the band score. However, your opening statement was weakened by your inaccurate portrayal of the original prompt requirement. You have to remember that you are not given the privilege of beginning the discussion, or presenting relevant information in this particular paragraph. Aside from delivering an accurate representation of the original prompt, you are not allowed to do much in this portion. The first half of your opening statement is faulty because of the immediate discussion of the prompt. However, your latter portion was more attuned to the requirements, with just one problem. This is not an "extent" essay. It is only a simple "agree or disagree" essay. That means, the "completely disagree" statement is misplaced. You should have only referred to a simple "disagreement" with the given original statement.
Hi Pier,  
1. I think it is better to write "... better educational facilities and effectively learn modern communication skills " (adv+ noun)  
  
2. ... without good schools ... Most good schools ... many good universities ... a good education => I think you repeat "good" too many times. It's better to replace by some other words such as appropriate, high quality, excellent, etc.  
  
Moreover, "children to grow up in the countryside" can be replaced by "Children spend their childhood in the countryside" to avoid repeating words.  
Countryside may sometimes be replaced by "rural"  
  
3. "As many companies may  need an employee who can strongly communicate  with their  customers" (use "their" not "it" because you use many companies at the beginning. And "communicate" is more advanced than "talk", moreover, you can avoid repeating "talk" because you have already used above lines.  
  
Goodluck ! :)