dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Shruti, you did not fully understand the discussion instructions that were provided to you. This essay has a very specific discussion process that should cover 3 complete body paragraphs. Let me show you the difference between the original directions and the direction for discussion that you used:  
  
Original Discussion Instruction: Discuss both these views and give your opinion  
Your Discussion Flow: I am in support of this view  
  
Based on the variation in the way that you discussed the essay, your TA score will come in at a low score of 4. That rating is due to the selective manner that you chose to discuss the essay, completely disregarding the original instructions you were provided. The low score in the TA section plus the grammar issues, information presented, and use of English words tells me that you score will not be higher than the TA rating. You see, once you make a mistake in the TA section only 2 things can happen, either you get a low passing score or you fail the test completely. The correct flow of this discussion in the body would have been:  
  
Body 2 - Opinion 1  
Body 3 - Opinion 2  
Body 3 - Personal point of view  
  
The combined paragraph results totaling the required 5 paragraphs would have at least had the opportunity to get you a passing score. Based on the above topic provided, the method of your discussion, and the conclusion you wrote, it appears that you did not discuss the essay in any manner that is related to the actual topic provided.  
  
*There is a popular belief that the internet provides a good method of keeping in touch with one another. However, it does not really pass as an authoritative place to access information. In this essay, I will explain why these two points of view exist. Additionally, I will present my personal opinion on the given discussion towards the end.*  
  
In order to familiarize yourself with the different IELTS discussion styles, it would be best if you review the other sample essays here and read the advice provided. Doing so will not only help you understand the differences in writing methods for each essay type, but you will also learn how to avoid the mistakes others before you have made in their own practice tests. Thus helping you to perfect your writing style as well.
**Hi.. Could you check my essay and give your prediction about band score? Thanks in advance.**  
  
Here is the topic :  
*some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business, and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.  
  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion*  
  
## scientific information control

  
  
Here is my essay :  
  
Scientific research, business and the academic world had been changing in the past decades. There some information had been discovered which gives a huge impact to development. Some people believe that is very importantto share as much information, in other hand some people believe that there are some information which classified and do not need to share. I strongly believe that the information should not be shared freely.  
  
The information in scientific research, business or the academic world is very important. These informations perhaps for some people is a dangerous or if these informations shared that will gives a wrong speculate among people. I believe these can be reduced with spesific laws which can control in distribution. The government it self, should select the information which will be shared carefully, because it will be a catastrophe if the government gives a wrong informations. For example, in my country the government announce about the new energy which can be used as a safer energy called nuclear. Whereas, these informations become a pro and contra in society. The people who does not have clear information about that become paranoid and get scared easily.  
  
In other hand, I do believe gives as much information as possible also a great action to support and increase a quality of people's life. also, The easier people gets the information become a factor to measure about the quality of nation. for example, Europe as a develop country which each people can get all the information easily, the government provides the access of the information in every corner of the street, so people in rural area also can search information for develop their land. This sample do not happens in my country which a developing country, people in this situation always have a limited solution for their problem because of the access of the information.  
  
In conclusion, I strongly believe that should be a law or new regulation to control shared information about scientific issue, business and the academic world. The information which shared should give not only a new information but also safe feeling for everybody.
bism, your essay does not follow the appropriate discussion instruction. You were asked to discuss both points of view and offer your opinion. You chose to discuss an emotional, one sided essay instead. Therefore, this essay will get a Task Accuracy score of 2 because you barely responded to the task indicated. When you score so low in the TA score, it will be extremely difficult for you to pull up your score for the remaining considerations because you did not properly discuss the essay. You must ensure that you properly understand the prompt requirements before you even draft an outline for your essay. I realize that the various formats can be confusing for you so I will try to help make it easier. Read the sample essays provided here based on various prompt instructions. From there, you should be able to create a method of understanding the prompt instructions for yourself. Take note of how you can differentiate the prompts and then use that to decide how to approach the practice essays. I will not even score the rest of your essay at this point because the score will definitely be disappointing for you and as such, might affect your desire to practice. I want you to keep practicing as best as you can. Before I go, let me show you the correct prompt paraphrase for this essay.  
  
*Members of the academic, scientific, and business world are of the opinion that it is important to impart knowledge to others. Then there are those who believe that sensitive information should not disseminated from one source to another because data is too important to just spread without a check and balance system. They believe that these knowledge not be commonly shared. This essay will discuss these two points of view then after, I shall present my opinion on the matter.*  
  
The correct format is:  
Paraphrase  
Opinion A, supporting statements, examples, transition sentence  
Opinion B, supporting statement, examples. transition sentence  
Personal opinion, supporting statement, examples, transition sentece  
Concluding statement, restated points in summary form, repeat of personal opinion.
Hello everyone,  
  
While I start my topic, it is a request to correct my sentences and not just how should the essay/topic be. This is because telling me how an essay should be written will not tell me how should my sentences be. I hope you can understand.  
  
## the condition of the education

  
  
In general, In most of the governments schools, you may not find all teachers available for their respective classes to teach the students. Generally, the students do a self study and pass the exams. One of the reasons that the teachers don't take the classes is because the students are not interested, however, it doesn't make sense at all.  
  
Based on the interest the teachers and the staff has to teach and guide the students, mostly students waste their time in useless things or bunk the classes. They are unaware of the consequences they might face in the future. Just because 2-3 periods were taken by the teachers everyday, the students cannot afford to attend 7 or 8 periods in a day in the school. sometimes when the principle becomes very strict and pressurizes the teachers to take the classes, in such cases all 7-8 periods are taken by the teachers and as a result, students gets exhausted. They feel like they have no energy left in them and they don't want to listen a single word related to study after the school is over.  
  
They are very energetic when it comes to sports or any sport's competition. They just don't want to spend much time in study but you can ask them for any sports or games, they are always ready for that.  
  
When it comes to a government schools, the first thing that comes in everybody's mind is that the student of this school would certainly not be a sharp student in study. He/she would definitely not know good english and would hesitate to face the public if a situation arises. As a matter of fact, this is not their fault. The people have such mentality about them because of the school environment. They teachers neither pay the required attention on students nor they involve them in such activities that they can speak in front of anyone confidently.  
  
The only thing they get is the school. They can tell anyone that they go to school and they have their report card so that they can go for their further studies.  
  
Kindly mention the wrong sentences and then yours with the correction if required.  
Thank you so much.
*Students today can easily access information online, so libraries are no longer necessary. Do you agree or disagree?*  
  
## do we need libraries at all?

  
  
Some people these days argue that It is needless to use libraries because everyone can get all information they need on the Internet. I absolutely disagree with this idea.  
  
In my view, it is extremely senseless to say that we no longer need libraries. I do not believe that we can go online anytime . What if we lived in uplands or in the countryside where there is no internet connection? In this case, if we don't have libraries and books, we will never be able to catch up with the latest news, and it is like we will live under the rock forever. Furthermore, there is no compelling reason why we should not go to the libraries to read books. It costs us nothing to read the books we love. By borrowing books from libraries, we can save ourselves a fortune.  
  
I also disagree with the idea that we can easily access all information on the Internet. Nowadays, a range of people are using Internet to benefit themselves, even if they know what they are doing can harm others. For example, usually when you surf the Internet , you will see a lot of annoying advertisements, and they may disturb you and your search would be interrupted you. More seriously, they also can make your device viral if you accidentally click them. That's why the Internet can be convenient on one hand, but is not safe on the other hand.  
  
In conclusion, we would make a huge mistake if we eliminate libraries out of our life. I think we should spend more time in the libraries because it is not only the place to borrow books, but you also can find information you need safely.
Trang, this is a mere single opinion essay. It is not an emotional response essay. So your response should simply have been "I disagree with the statement made." You do not disagree with the idea because what was given in the prompt is a statement not an insinuation of an "idea". That is a simple mistake that is often made by new reviewers. You will need to brush up on the various discussion types for the IELTS essays so that you can avoid making similar mistakes in the future.  
  
Avoid using English terms and idioms like "live under a rock". This is first and foremost, an academic essay. Therefore, there must be an emphasis on the proper academic development of your sentences and statements.  
  
Limit your paragraphs to one discussion point at a time. Fully develop the topic sentence around the remaining 4 sentences by offering supporting reasons, information, and examples. Do not suddenly add information just to fill in the sentence count because that would lower the C&C score for your essay. As long as you write a minimum of 3 sentences, you will get a good score for the paragraph. It will not be very high but it will not be too low either.  
  
You should also work on developing less long sentences and more short but intricate sentences in order to create complex sentences that will improve your GRA score. I would have structured the conclusion, which is your longest presentation that lacks sentences as:  
  
*My conclusion, is that libraries are still necessary in these modern times. It allows an ease of information access without advertising as the internet does.Additionally, everyone can access a library, but not everyone can access the internet. Therefore, I do not believe that libraries are no longer necessary in the internet age.*  
  
Conclude effectively by simply summarizing the discussion you presented. That is all you have to do because the concluding statement is a continuation of the opening paraphrase. This time, paraphrasing the discussion you presented instead.
## supporting colonization

  
  
Independence is form of freedom from colonialism toward a country from the other country. Actually, we should not articulate the meaning like that on this context for Indonesia. Regarding to the constitution, it is 72 years since independence. But as matter of fact, the new form of colonialism turn up and have been dominated. Such as colonialism of economy, social, ideology, and also culture. Maybe we are free from the colonialism of the other country, but what about of economy or some of our culture? It is significant that nowadays, as the young generation patriotic fervor is less compared to the previous.  
  
In this case, the foreign importance of our natural resource sometimes cause political stage in Indonesia from the intervention of other country. The new form of this colonialism can be more dangerous that colonialism in the past. For instance, Dutch has colonized us during 350 years. Consequently, we lost our spices, oil soil, etc. We can see from wealth side, that is not big actually, moreover spices. Why? It is because of the characteristic of plants can grow again. But after independence since 1945, at present we lost all of them. Some of people cut the forest, exploitation of cross commodity, stealing the fish, damaged the environment, and also domination of energy by foreign nation. The colonialism in the past, all of people fight as long as they can. Whereas, in fact the colonialism at present, the government also support of colonialization practice. How could it be?  
  
Another aspect, as the young generation we should keep our culture. Culture is inheritance of our ancestor, so that is why we should keep it. In fact, we have 33 of cultures which claimed by the other country during SBY's administration. One of them, Batic which was claimed by Malaysia. We have many cultures in our country. But, we do not defend what we have to keep. We should keep and also perpetuate our culture. The reason of that problem, our less curiosity, and also do not make our effort to keep and perpetuate become our necessity. So that is why, as citizen of Indonesia we must be introspect ourselves first.  
  
In conclusion, what become our duties that we must keep it. Especially for the young generation we should think about the freedom fighters and the patriotism struggles not only in these days, but also in other days. Consequently if we do not keep our culture, we will lost them. Because we are still young, so exactly we have much time to create for our country. Such as what our president planning, we must have an obligation on Indonesian culture, develop the center of culture and also characteristic based on the culture.
Indah , there are a few points for further development in your essay in relation to the thesis statement. The first thing I want to point out is that when you pose a question in your essay, you are expected to provide an immediate response to it within the same paragraph or develop the succeeding paragraph as a response to it. That is why for these sorts of papers, it is best to offer an informed sentence rather than a question which may have a delayed response within the essay presentation. I believe that the question about colonialism of economy or culture should be given a specific and lengthy discussion regarding what it means, how it came to be, and how it can be avoided at present and in the future.  
  
Clarify the point you made about how the government supports colonization. What does this mean? How does it happen? What are the consequences for the people and the new generation living in your country? How has it changed your society and way of thinking? That statement alone requires a totally new paragraph to represent a response as well. For every information you present, make sure that you provide supporting evidence. This essay suffers tremendously from a lack of factual evidence and expanded discussions in support of your statements.  
  
Your concluding paragraph leaves me with more questions than answers about your presentation. That should not be the case. You should be reiterating the overall discussion instead. As it is, this concluding presentation shows that the discussion is not over. Additionally, do not use connecting words like "because" to start your sentences. The connecting words should only be used to connect 2 sentences of similar information or thoughts. It is never used to open a sentence or paragraph.
## popularity of some communications forms

  
  
the line graph illustrate 5 different kinds of communication service which were used by people over 6 years.  
it is clear that online internet and cell phone were 2 most popular services to contact.in 1998, the number of people who used internet and cellular phone services started at around 5 per 100 inhabitants.But, both of them went up together in the remaining years.Especially, cell phone communication soared dramatically to 60 users. it was three times as much as of that internet communication.  
  
Landline services had a stable number of people who used that way from 15 to 18 per inhabitants over the period.Meanwhile, the others communication are mobile and fixed which were just introduced in the latter half of the graph . so , they just grew slowly at around 5 out of 100 people from 2002-2008.  
  
overall , there were many services to communicate.But , cellular phones were the most well-known way  
  
The line graph shows the number of people who used different communication services in the world.
@dotuananh2001, you forgot to include the image that your analytical essay is supposed to be based on. I cannot really judge your work without it in terms of accuracy and relevance. I would however like to point out that your essay is grammatically inaccurate in terms of sentence structure since you are writing with a disregard for the English writing rule that indicates all words after a period or a word that starts a sentence must be capitalized. While some people will tell you that capitalization does not matter in the test, the reality of the scoring situation is that you are being scored specifically on grammar accuracy so yes, in this case, you should capitalize your first word letters. You also wrote continuously long sentences that turn into severe run-on sentences. It would be beneficial to you if you can learn to write interconnected individual sentences per paragraph instead. Additionally, you tend to start your sentences with connecting words such as "But", which means you really are not even trying to implement proper writing rules in your essay. This is not a good essay presentation at all, and that is even without the illustration to base your essay on. Your essay will suffer a tremendously low score in the GRA sections as you misuse the punctuation marks throughout the essay. Don't expect to get a passing score with this essay. It has way too many problems to get a passing consideration.
## the advent of the Internet

  
  
**Schools are no longer necessary because children can get so much information available through the internet, and they can study just as well at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
With the advent of the Internet, students these days can easily access a large volume of information on any given subjects. This current trend has given rise to a controversial issue that educational institutions have become obsolete and that children can learn from home. From my perspective, I strongly disagree with this statement for the following reasons.  
  
To start with, the overwhelming variety of learning resources would potentially be counterproductive without the instruction of a mentor. Home computers and Internet access are undeniably integral for students to look up information for research. Equally important, though, is the provision of guidance from teachers and parental supervision in making effective use of the world wide web. Lack of proper guidance could lead students to misleading and unreliable materials. Whereas, in a structured learning environment, course books are thoroughly designed by prominent and qualified authors, providing learners with suitable knowledge in a systematic way.  
  
On the other hand, upon the growing dominance of social networks such as Facebook, it seems that the Internet now offers even more distraction and unpleasantness than it has ever been. Thus, learners will likely succumb to the lure of chatting online instead of staying focused on their work. Besides, homeschooling will further entrench a worrying phenomenon that people these days would rather interact with electronic gadgets than engage in real human conversation . Therefore, the physical presence of a child in school or any other institution is of great importance, encouraging face to face communication and the development of interpersonal skills.  
  
In conclusion, the Internet, despite being the most significant breakthrough in history, is indeed a mixed blessing. Learners can only harness its power to the full under the orientation and instruction of highly qualified school teachers. Only in that way can the Internet serves as a valuable aid/ a complement to the national curriculum.  
  
*(304 words)*