dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## NEW RAILWAY LINES OR IMPROVING EXISTING PUBLIC TRANSPORT

  
  
**In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to to spend large sums of money on constructing railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport.  
  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.**  
  
People have different views toward whether to construct a rapid railway system or to improve existing mass transportation. While both of views seem beneficial to the public, I tend to argue that intercity railway system is the better choice.  
  
The option to improve the local transportantion have several positive effects. It is more affordable to our government. The improvement of regional bus or metroway network costs much less than the construction of national railway system. It helps saving the budget of our government. Moreover, the improvement of local transportation can help reducing the use of private vehicles. Because of the increase of accessibility to every corner of the city, people will instead choose the public transport to avoid traffic jams or accidents. Take Taipei city as example, the number of car per household is much less than any other city due to the contribution of MRT network.  
  
However, I believe an intercity railway system benefits more. It will boost the economy of the country because of shorten the traveling time between the city. For tourists, they can travel to more places in the same period of time, which increases the revenue of local people. For corporations, negotiation with other firms in different area is easier when the convenience of faster train make interactions with each other easier. Most of the developed countries have already had these kinds of fast railway system, such as Taiwan, Japan and China, etc. The impact of the high speed railway is far more profound toward the whole nation.  
  
For the reasons mentioned above, the construction of intercity rapid train is worth investing that it will bring benefits to national economy and to the majority of people in the country .
@rivathh  
Hi there. Thank you for repetitively being a part of this platform. We hope that this has somehow contributed to your working knowledge of the field.  
  
First and foremost, the essay has quite a messy take on your topic. What I mean by this is that your thoughts appear to be rather disorganized all throughout. I recommend that you have a more organized and step-by-step process when you are taking readers into your written work. What this would accomplish is enabling you to have a refreshed outlook.  
  
Moreover, I also recommend that you opt to attempt to structure and compartmentalize your writing to fit that professional environment a little bit more. What this pertains to would be the usage of proper punctuation, comma, and spacing that would pave way for your writing to be better understood.  
  
That being said, you were still able to provide a comprehensive overview of your thoughts and opinions. This can be heavily appreciated by the readers, considering that you were able to properly substantiate your claims. I would suggest, however, extending your introductory and concluding paragraphs. Because these initial portions require a bit of stability for the readers to comprehend better the text, I recommend trying to give more attention to them as you proceed with writing.
@Maria  
Thank you for your kind suggestion!  
I really appreciate that.  
  
However, can you please give me more details about the disorganized part and the wrong punctuation part in the article?  
  
Plus, I have already corrected some sentences and added some explanations in the following article.  
If you are available, could you please read it and tell me whether it is better?  
Thanks a lot!  
---------------------------------  
People have conflicting views .. railway system between cities or ...  
  
Improving the existing local transportation have ...  
It helps save the budget ... of local mass transportation can reduce the number of private vehicles on the road. With the increasing accessibility to every ... will rather choose to take public transport ... any other cities due to the convenience of MRT network.  
  
... the revenue of people in the country. For corporations, meetings and negotiation with other business in different cities will be easier when the faster train make the distance between them shorter. If more transactions achieved due to the rapid train, the country will be more prosperous. The benefits of such railway is so noticeable that most of the developed countries have already constructed this kind of transportation system, such as Taiwan, Japan and China, etc.  
  
For the reasons mentioned above, although improving existing local transportation system is beneficial, I still believe that national rapid railway system is more worth investing.
Question:  
  
## Describe a setback that you have faced.

  
***How did you resolve it? How did the outcome affect you? If something similar happened in the future, how would you react?***  
  
ANSWER:  
  
My father once told me that obstacles are experienced in our journey through life, but what matters is how we handle it. I never believed this until my only brother whom I have always shared all my secrets, dreams, and academic problems with, relocated from Nigeria to America. I felt devastated and lonely which negatively affected my social and academic life.  
  
Right from my childhood, my life had always revolved around my only brother Jeff. Though he was two years older than me, we were good playmates. He taught me mathematics on a daily which helped to improve my score in exams. Immediately after high school, Jeff received a scholarship to study Law at Michigan state university. I had mixed feelings about it, first, I was happy for him but on the other hand, I was sad because I will miss him. When he finally relocated from Nigeria to America, I felt devastated. I had no one to share my secrets with or teach me mathematics, and my academic life dwindled. My mathematics grade went as low as from A to C. Honestly, I graduated from high school with a low GPA.  
  
My story changed when I gained admission to high school. During my first week in school, I met this tall black guy by named John. We coincidentally took some classes together, like Physiology, English 100 and mathematics. John took his studies seriously by constantly doing his homework and paying attention in class. This got me close to him, and through constant interaction, we became good friends. At the end of our first semester, John scored A in almost all his courses. Sequel to that, I urged him to form a study that enabled us to learn from each other. I later found out that John has almost the same similarities as my brother. We became very close and he became my confidant. He taught me mathematics and the vacuum created by Jeff's relocation gradually got filled up by John's presence.  
  
My friendship with John restored my confidence and happiness. Through his assistance, my mathematics grades improved significantly. I later became one of the best mathematics students in our class.  
  
But if such a thing happens again, I will rather mingle with people, make good friends and seek for help where necessary than grumble in my solitude life.
This essay works, but I think you should put yourself in the best light possible. What I'm getting from this essay is that you always need someone more academically successful to rely on, and that while you can get good grades with good studymates, you cannot function well on your own. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but I want to see your own personal ability, not someone else's. Because it kind of seems like a recommendation for Jeff or John. Put the focus on yourself.  
  
Jeff's relocation works as your setback, but finding John may not show your best points. Maybe you could write about how, despite Jeff's relocation and how devastated you felt, you knew that you couldn't just let your grades fall and let him down. That's why you decided to form a study group on your own, and invite people into it to study and get better together. Maybe John taught you mathematics while you taught him English. Instead of saying John filled the void that Jeff left, you could say that, as your academics became stronger and you begin tutoring more and more people in your study group, you not only filled Jeff's void yourself, but became the "Jeff" for several classmates.  
  
For the last sentence I think you could say that you would take the initiative and seek out people or answers to your questions. Like I said, the essay is about you, so make yourself sound good.  
  
I hope this helps, and Good Luck!
*(11/05/2019)  
**Some businesses find that their new employees lack basic interpersonal skills, such as cooperative skills.***  
## What are the causes and suggest some possible solutions?

  
  
Nowadays, while interactive skills are integral part of career progression, some employers perceive that they are also weaknesses which appear on most of recruits. Although there will be some known reason for this phenomenon, solutions can be taken to mitigate this problem.  
  
There are a number of reasons for new employees having poor interpersonal skills, which are found in the home and in the school. In terms of the school, the curriculum includes a great deal of teacher-led lessons and evaluating student's performance is by taking part in formal examinations instead of doing group works. As a result, youngsters spend more time on seeking some academic achievement which seems to be top-priority. Furthermore, at home, close-knit families are a thing of the past in the most communities. This may result of each member of family starting to live isolation with society and lack some necessary skills.  
  
In order to enhance interpersonal skills of recruits, some solution can be carried out to solve the causes mentioned above. First of all, curriculum of school in each level of education should supplement subject such as working in group as an official subject. Moreover, not only are grades based on formal examinations, but also on group work in order to make sure the comprehensive development of students. Secondly, in order to conduct a business efficiently, the firm need to organize outside activities to evaluate and strengthen their interpersonal skills. Challenging activities including mountain-climbing or camping, for example, will expose their employees to work in group. Consequently, interpersonal skills will be enhanced substantially and also have positive impact on productivity of company.  
  
In conclusion, although there are various factors leading to lack of interpersonal skills among recruits, measures can be implemented to tackle this issue.
This is the first time that I've taken an IELTS speaking exam (a sample not a real one). Please correct my speaking scripts and tell me what my problem is, how much I can score.  
  
Thank you so much!!!  
  
## IELTS speaking part 1 and 2 - Family

  
  
*1/Tell me about your family*  
My immediate family is relatively small, just my parents, my two sisters and me. My sisters are all over-10-year younger than me, so there is a huge generation gap between us. Although we don't share much in interests, we have a very strong connection. If someone is in a strange mood, the other will immediately notice and ready to share. I think that's because we are given a really stable upbringing. Both my father and mother plays an active role in our homelife and schoollife. They spend time taking care of us and teaching us in a balance and suitable way. We never feel lonely or jealous with each other. I consider myself very lucky.  
  
*2/Who are you most similar to in your family?*  
You can see a very clear family resemblance between me and my sisters. Even so, many people told me that the physical resemblance between me and my grandmother is striking. I've seen a photograph of her when she was young and we're quite alike. Other than that, I think have my father's temperament. We're both so stubborn. But thankfully, I inherited his mathematical brain.  
  
*3/What do you think it takes to be a good parent?*  
To be a good parent, it requires lots of qualities. But in my opinion, two most important ones are patience and love. Raising children is a rough and long way. It starts when the child is very little, everything is new to them. You need to teach them every single one. And when they are growing up, they want to know not simple and harmless things like leaves, trees and animals anymore. You have to show them the whole truth about people society, both good and bad side. Definitely the children would be naughty, not listen to you and make you mad. Without patience and love, you can not overcome all those hard time and be a good parent.
## dangerous roads in vietnam

  
  
With the transports progress, nowadays, there are more and more vehicles attending in traffic in Vietnam and therefore could lead to numerous detrimental effects such as air pollution, traffic congestion, but notably road accidents. The cause of this issue can be traced to these explanation: the consciousness of those who involving in traffic and the status of transport facilities.  
  
First of all, let take a look at the consciousness of people. From my perspective, this is possibly the primary reason why most accidents stem from. It is because Vietnamese parents interests about educating traffic etiquette to children are not adequate to the growing popular of means of transport. This is to say that the pupil in Vietnam are not be educated fully as to what they should and should not do in in the road. As the result, you can easily see that there are always people who often have a drive while they are drunk or drive at over speed.  
  
The second effect is the bad status of transport facilities. As the developing country, Vietnam could not afford to construct an innovation and modern roads like some European nations or American. In addition, a big amount of transportation every days are also worth considerable. For example, according to surveys, most accidents are believed to derive from the awful quality of infrastructure rang from slippery roads to "holes" ones.  
  
Road accidents seem to be normal at glance but it may make an enormous effect to society. The biggest one is that a large number of deaths are caused by road accidents in Vietnam. It is estimated that there are hundreds of death due to car crash in Vietnam each year. Hence, a lot of families have suffered the pain of losing their relatives likewise the companies or factories have loose a deal of work force. Moreover, road accidents affect not only human resourecs but also financial damages. To government statistics, the economic damages from road accidents take up to 3 percentage of nation GDP. Consequently, if Vietnam want to quickly achieve their ambition to become an industrialization country, they must minimize road accidents as much as possible.  
  
In conclusion, road accidents are an avoidable problem in every country. However, people should raise their awareness about this issue so that it could have no chance to become serious proplem.
@phuongvn98  
Hey, welcome to the forum. However you may have found us, I sincerely hope that you keep coming back here for more input on your writing. I'll provide you with feedback on this essay to hopefully help you in your writing endeavors.  
  
First and foremost, try to utilize words that will not only boost the formality of your writing but will as well help you create more concise writing patterns. For example, writing *increasing* instead of *more and more* definitely gives you more points in the overall formality of the text. Bear in mind that, while these are minute details in comparison the rest of the text, they certainly add-up in value.  
  
The latter parts of your text need more concrete examples to back them up. Consider your second paragraph, for example. While you were attempting to explain the behavior of the Viet here, it certainly is not helpful that you only have one chunk of text here provided. Try to mention a more specific example that's dated. While these vague examples are alright, they do not help improve your essay's overall writing flow.
**The youth in many countries are unemployed and unskilled, where at the same time, the military services are in need of people. Compulsory military service is beneficial and necessary.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?  
Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.**  
  
## military activity for youngsters

  
  
The issue of whether the teenagers must join the essential army service or not is certainly a controversial topic. Despite some people argued that it is pros outweighed cons.I personally disagree with that. The following examples will illustrate my point of views.  
  
Firstly, based on the economic value,army facilities can be replaced human beings not only for the duration of function but also the expanse. In one word, it can fulfill the demands of people. For example, government can purchase the high-tech tank or automatic weapon which is controlled by machine and they can be operated properly more than a real human being. In addition, a well-trained army takes around 3 to 5 years to finish their training while the automatic weapon can be operated right after we purchased it. Moreover, citizens need to pay for a well-trained army salary until he passes away. In my opinion,I would like to pay tax for long-term used facilities rather than an army.  
  
Secondly, I generally believe that teenagers should attend schools to acquire knowledge instead of join military. As like the topic mentioned about, most of the children in the world are without occupations and talents for employment and join military cannot provide them a well education to gain more practical skills to find a proper job. For instance, a study showed that a teenager who joined military did not acquire any general knowledge while the others who went to school obtained a numerous skill from educational center and they found a proper job afterward. It goes without saying that joining the compulsory military service for children is not beneficial for them, instead, it is a somewhat negative.  
  
In summary, I once again reaffirm my position that I disagree necessary military activity is positive and essential for teenagers. On the contrary, I believe that it is not an appropriate way to do so based on economic value and the importance of education for youth.
## the effects of parents and peers on youngsters

  
  
The discrepancies between the effects of parents and peers on teenagers is pronounced when it comes to school performance, and they deserve rigorous scrutiny. Firstly, it is noted that better academic performance in juveniles is directly attributed to parental support and stimulation. Dusek as cited by Gacia (2006), claimed that parents are likely to play the influential role in youngsters' stance regarding their education. That not only do parents stimulate an academic atmosphere at home but they also generally associate with their teachers is contributors of teenagers' high educational outcomes. (Dr. Bettina Joyce P. IIagan, 2013-2014). On the other hand, teens are increasingly prone to prioritize socializing with their friends rather than pay more attention in school work. According to Veronneau, Vitaro, Pedersen & Tremblay (2008), it is undeniable that the existence of the adolescent- uneducated friends bond is correlated with their academic failure. Another similar finding researched by Nelson and DeBacker (2008) points out that it poses a host of negative influences to children's school performance should they are as a part of poor quality peer group. ( Lisette T. Jacobson, MPA, MA, PhD(c) & Charles A. Burdsal, PhD).  
  
Albeit with some superficial distinction, parents' influence on juveniles bear much resemblance to peers' in terms of personality in both positive and negative way. To begin with, examples of good behavior of parents and friends contribute to reinforce teenagers' well-being. Firstly, the role of parents in establishment of children's positive traits is highly significant. In the view of Doug Hewitt, Children tend to perceive their parents as the basis for behavior to emulate. Therefore, it is of importance for parents to display good manners in life. Moreover, the close connection between teens and parents stimulate the feeling of both respectful and being respected, which may prevent them from the emotional issue including disgrace, resentment and discomfiture. In the same way, peers, as cited by Kwame S. Sakyi,1 Pamela J. Surkan,1 Eric Fombonne,2 Chollet,3,4 and Maria Melchior (2014), make substantial contribution to improve adolescents' socializing skills. The consequence of socialization brought about by the relatedness to friends group promote a sense of importance, confidence as well as cordiality in teens, which is supposed to mediate the problematic issue in a child's cognitive development.
@hoanglinh0510  
Hey, welcome. As I always tell others, I hope this feedback becomes helpful for you. Don't hesitate to come around the forum consistently and provide feedback to others as well! This will be helpful for all of us simultaneously.  
  
Before I proceed, giving us a briefing of what this essay is for would certainly help us assess the level of formality and quality that we are looking for. If you can do this, it would give your essay leverage in being assessed with as much fervor as possible.  
  
First and foremost, considering that (I am assuming) you are using APA citations, try to minimize the overall cluttering of references. This not only pertains to the formatting of writing them and including them into the text; rather, this should also include the usage of the appropriate amount of citations. To give you a glimpse, it is critical to have at least one (and a maximum of two) in one paragraph. This will pave way for you to have a more secured understanding of the text.  
  
Furthermore, the latter portions of the text require a bit more formulated organization. Structure is critical when you're working with this much information. I suggest that you take advantage of this to the fullest extent possible.
## guidance about rules and discipline

  
  
In my point of view, it is clear that school and family play a crucial role in teaching good manners. First, family is by far the coziest place for everyone to come back. From a little child, we are born and upbrought with the warm welcome of parents. Until we grow and learn how to walk on our own feet, how to express our needs, it's family that support us much. Certainly, we will imitate what we hear directly from people around us. For example, if parents never talk with a full mouth open, their children will obviously be polite when eating. Second, schools provide students with basic skills to build good manners. In fact, schools always impose rules and discipline which every student need to follow. The most clearly seen case might be the suspension or even an exclusion if students break the rules, which is based on different levels. As a result, students will try their best to become good ones. To sum up, it is essential to have a good education and a family that always supports and stands by us.