dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
*Some people think that the government should take care of disadvantaged people such as unemployment or home lees. Do you agree?*  
  
## helping people with special needs

  
  
Although, some people may argue, others believe that homeless and unemployment people should receive help from the government. In my opinion, I agree that disadvantaged people merit an opportunity to improve themselves as it will greatly benefit both individuals and society.  
  
A good reason for the government to help needed people is the chance which everybody deserves as a country citizen. In other words, everybody has up and downs, and the state should intervene and help people who need it the most. As a result, not only the society will have more people who can contribute to its development, but also this will be a great example for other people and especially children to be compassionate, kind, supportive to people in disadvantaged situations. As a result, this phenomenon gives people whether they are rich or poor equal rights, and make them be there for each other.  
  
Another point to consider for helping people with especially needs is the decreasing risk of crime and robbery. For example, if the disadvantaged population will get help from the state they will won't have to still food or money to survive. Consequently, children will feel safe walking on the streets when their parents are not around. Furthermore, a clean and safe city is more attractive for tourists or local people to enjoy their free time. In addition, students who are looking for a job will have more time to search and find the best fit for them. Therefore, the contribution they may bring for the company is much higher considering that they are truly passionate about the work they do, and that will help the society in the long run.  
  
In conclusion, having sympathy and helping disadvantaged people will lead to a safer place to raise a family and social development.
Victoria, your discussion poses a prompt deviation which will result in the failure of this essay in an actual test setting. It clear from the wrong opening paraphrase that you presented tha tyou did not understand what the topic for discussion is and how it was supposed to be discussed. Let me outline it for you below:  
  
Original topic: government should take care of disadvantaged people  
Discussion Instruction: Do you agree?  
  
Your topic: people should receive help from the government  
Your Discussion Instruction: I agree that disadvantaged people merit an opportunity to improve themselves as it will greatly benefit both individuals and society.  
  
Do you see, based on the outline comparison, why your paper is not discussing the correct topic and the correct format? The mistake you made means that your TA score will be failing. Once the TA score fails, it will be highly difficult for you to get a passing score on the remaining criteria. Hence you will automatically fail the test.  
  
Improve your English comprehension skills by doing comprehension exercises before you try to tackle writing essays for the IELTS Task 2 test. It is obvious that this is your weakest point and needs to be strengthened otherwise you won't stand a chance of passing the test.
***Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?***  
## Playing games teaches us about life.

  
  
Playing game offer us a safe environment to practice the skill of life in society. Some people may think playing game is just satisfied to our desire of entertainment, wasting a lot of time for life. However, in my opinion, playing game may be good for me to learn the sense of responsibility and respect.  
  
First of all, the most important part of life is experience; by playing game, it not only help us to learn unfamiliar skill of life with security but also grant an opportunity to learn the sense of responsibility. For example, for winning a basketball game, being a leader needs to combine the suggestions from everyone, design the appropriate idea, and finally arrange distinct jobs for everyone. Besides, I try to analysis the diverse strategies from the same team. Based on this experience, playing a game push me to become brave and force me to have the sense of responsibility.  
  
Second, the process of playing a basketball game, I also found that everyone has unique ability. That is to say, playing game grant people chance to think what kind of personality they have and help people to know oneself. For instance, losing a game, I started to become distressed, blame my partners, and feel tired about everything. Nonetheless, after discussing my teacher, I found that I need to learn how to appreciate others. Because of playing game, I know how to treat others with the attitude of respect.  
  
Admittedly, playing game will sacrifice time to learn the knowledge from books. Nevertheless, I believe that the advantage of playing game to practice the skill of society overweight the disadvantage. After all, besides learning the sense of responsibility, playing game, at same time, teaches me how to treat others with respect.
Ryan, you seem to be discussing at least 2 different essay types in this presentation, without really hitting a main point. I am saddened by the fact that you chose not to upload the complete instructions for the prompt along with your essay. I mean the original prompt requirement, because that would have helped me to better understand and analyze the mistakes that you made in the essay. As it is, I cannot figure out what actual discussion format you were supposed to use. Was it an agree or disagree essay or an advantage / disadvantage essay? Each essay has a different discussion approach that cannot be combined into one presentation. Even if you were to submit the original prompt now, I would no longer able to come back to advice you. So don't bother doing that. Just post a new essay and this time, remember to include the original prompt so that a proper assessment and applicable advice can be given to you.
**Many People believe that media coverage of celebrities is having negative effect on children .  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## the overwhelming presence of celebrities on tv

  
  
*The fact that celebrities are having an increasing coverage of media has triggered off a great number of hotly-debated controversies about its potential effects on viewers,especially children.I have convinced myself that it contributes to negative impacts on children  
  
Firstly,it is worth pointing out that the constant appearance of celebrities on media leads to the children's misconception of life.On TV or in newspaper ,lifes of famous people are often the wrong portrayals of obvious wealth,luxury and full public attention as well.Inevitably,children who get influenced may grow up having a desperate for that such life but forget their own lifes.  
  
Secondly,stars'attitude is one of many reasons causing misbehaviors among young viewers.The images of them shown on media such as :television or social network are hardly without wrong-doings,inappropriate behaviors.Consequently,children will absorb bad habits such as :smoking or drinking and irrevocably become burden of family[/b]  
  
In conclusion,that celebrities have covered media causes children two problems of misperception and misbehaviors.It is high time our society took into consideration creating an educational environment for the young generation.  
  
( I'am about to take an english exam,therefore i hope to receive corrections from you guys about my ideas,use of words and anything.Thank you all so much)*
Hoàng, there is a clear lack of prompt instruction understanding your presentation. This has led to only a partial correct response of your response in the essay. The main element for the discussion, the "extent" of your agreement or disagreement with the given statement is not indicated in the essay. Let me show you where the mistake lies:  
  
Original Instruction: To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
Your Response: I have convinced myself that it contributes to negative impacts on children  
  
Do you see how irrelevant your response is to the question being asked? You provided justifiable reasons for the negative impact, but failed to indicate the extent of the impact. Hence, a very low score for your TA part of the scoring. Since you did not appropriately paraphrase nor represent the discussion instruction in your essay, you will not receive a passing TA score, which, based on the improper paragraph presentations in your essay will not be enough to pull up your score to a passing one using only the remaining LR. C&C, and GRA scores.  
  
In order to better understand how to improve your score, you must first understand the various opinion discussions required for the IELTS Task 2 test. Use the samples available at this forum and learn from their mistakes and advice given to them. The best way for you to learn is by example. So read, learn, and apply the information you will be accumulating from the work of others to your future work. You should get better in your writing and presentation skills in no time.
## "The harder you work, the luckier you get"

  
  
As the saying goes, "The harder you work, the luckier you get". Surprisingly, many people believe that success is a matter of luck which is beyond someone's direct control! While I believe that success solely depends on someone's attitude and approach towards life.  
  
In my opinion, no true success was ever attained without facing obstacles nor having challenges strong enough to tackle the person many times before reaching the desired goal. Behind every success is a determined person; a person who is not easily swayed away from his/her target, and is able to deal with whatever dealt through life. The attitude of solving issues, mitigating risks and capturing opportunities is a main ingredient in success's recipe. Adding some flavor of dedication, focus and hard work will definitely get you where you want to reach.  
  
It is true that many great achievers had capitalized on certain opportunities that have taken them closer to their goals, it is true that there is always a sense of luck in each success story. But what people tend to forget, is how hard those achievers had worked in order to get to where they have reached; how hard they have worked in order to open the doors and bring in those opportunities.  
  
What makes me more convinced of success's dependency on attitude and approach to life is the high number of people who were lucky enough to have better starting points, who were given an advantage by having better resources and opportunities to make a huge success story. But instead they have erroneously approached life and lost all the privilege they had, simply because they lacked the right attitude and have not worked by success rules.  
  
In the end, success is always at our reach! All we have to do is truly want it, work hard to reach our goals and most importantly believe in what we do. If you have clear vision of where you want to be, and have the will to put all that it takes to get you there, then you are lucky enough to succeed.
Abdallah, this is a very convincing essay. Your opinions are based on enough personal observations and popular references for it to be considered a valid presentation of your point of view. There are only 2 problems that I see with this essay and it has to do with the formatting. For starters, remember that all the essays you are writing are academic in nature. Being academic, these are considered to be conversational instead of sensationalist in approach. The use of an exclamation point is non-academic in nature. It is a written form of shouting at the reader. It is not considered a form of academic emphasis which could be done in other ways such as choosing more serious words to connote your emotions and beliefs. If this paper is presented to a professor or examiner, this will show that you are not familiar with academic writing protocol and affect your grade. Next, you need to keep a uniform minimum of 3 sentences per paragraph presentation. That is the academic minimum for paragraph development. When enrolled in an academy, you do not have a sentence maximum per paragraph as it is divided by topic. For an academic English test though, limit yourself to a maximum of 5 sentences per paragraph as there is a time limit involved.
Lindsay, I feel like this paper is trying to overwhelm me with information. There are so many source indicated in this essay covering many aspects of governance on a local and national level, as well as information regarding the Opioid epidemic coming out of various states. It becomes extremely difficult to keep track of the information and as such, makes it quite confusing to read. It would be best if you tried to limit the presentation to one level of governance, say the national level, so that the rulings and methods of control and combat will be easier to focus on of the reader. Try to limit your state references as well. In most research papers such as these, a focus on a specific state and its information regarding the epidemic becomes more relevant and applicable to the discussion. If you try to present too much information, you, as the writer, will lose sight of the original thesis of this paper, as you tended to do throughout. Try to present only a few but highly relevant discussions and control the presentation from there for clarity purposes.
**Thanks to everyone who will help me to give suggestions to this writing.**  
  
## fit australians in different age

  
  
The bar graph describes Australian's people did regular physical activity in 2010 divided by age groups  
  
In the youngest age, between 15 to 24, the men was started with 52,8% than women almost 50% did physical activity. Meanwhile, it was surprised where the men with age 25 to 44 were decreased dramatically, it only reached nearly 40% and women keep moving to 53,3 conducted regular physical activity in the age category 45 to 54.  
  
On the other hand, the men activity was gradually increased to 46,7% in the latest age classify whereas the women group was dropped by 47.1%. There was a unique percentage where the last groups between male and female almost had a little different only one percent respectively.  
  
Overall, both men and women conducted regular physical activity had decreased in the 65 years old and over. Although female lower than male in the youngest age but their had an increased at ages 25 to 64 than men.  
  
*
Below are some suggestions:  
between 15 to 24, the men was started with 52,8% ... (( the \*age group\* between 15 to 24, the percentage of men who did regular physical activity was 52.8% while women's percentage was only 47.7%. On the other hand, surprisingly the other age group has much different ratios, with women percentage exceeding men's .... )  
  
I think you should elaborate your thoughts using more words, instead of shortening and summarizing the essay in an incomprehensible way.
Yoga, while you did write more than the minimum 150 words, I feel that you neglected to fully develop the report analysis based upon the bar graph information because all 4 of your reporting paragraphs only have 2 sentences each. This clearly indicates that you did not bother to fully analyze, compare, and develop logical explanations based upon the obvious relationships between the presented percentages. There is a minimum 3 sentence requirement per paragraph with a maximum of 5. If you write less than that per paragraph, your essay will automatically be deemed under developed and end up being scored low on the C&C scale. This could, in turn, affect your GRA presentation because you will not have written enough words to string together and develop a mix of simple to complex sentences in your presentation. So the essay will probably not get a passing score or, even if it does, it will be a barely passing score, which will not be good for your university application consideration based on the results of your international exam.
Hi all,  
  
This is my first time using this website. Please help me to review my IELTS essay. Any advice will be helpful. Many thanks!  
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Q:  
*Some people claim that not enough of the waste from homes is recycled. They say that the only way to increase recycling is for governments to make it a legal requirement.  
  
To what extent do you think laws are needed to make people recycle more of their waste?*  
  
## waste recycling and the law

  
  
Ans:  
It is true that there is just a little amount of household waste be recycled. While some people criticise that the best way for government to increase recycling is make it a legal issue, from my perspective, I agree that regulations are not needed for recycling.  
  
To begin with, there are several reasons why others hold the opinion that laws are required. Firstly, people tend to fear being punished. With punishments, such as fines, it is effective to make people recycle more waste. Another benefit of regulations on recycling is that there are clear guidelines for household to deal with the rubbish. Take one-time plastics for example, if there are fixed sigh and methods for how to recycle them, it is easier for families to recycle them. Therefore, the quantities of waste be recycled can be effectively risen.  
  
On the other hand, personally I support the idea that governments do not need to put regulations on recycling waste. The most essential measure is to let people be aware of the impacts of rubbish. Only by realizing the reasons for recycling can people make their efforts to recycle more. Besides, recycling should be a voluntary activity of everybody. It is more efficient for people to recycle their household waste by self-control, rather than establish various regulations to improve recycling actions. Finally, instead of laws, governments can use motivations, like rewards, to stimulate recycling.  
  
To sum up, perhaps laws on recycling of household waste are beneficial, however, I still believe that there are a variety of methods aside from regulations for governments to increase the amount of recycling.
Liu, the mistakes in your essay are highly evident to the trained eye. The mistakes that you made will actually pull down the score of the essay to the point where it may be questionable as to whether the presentation will pass the scoring criteria or not. I believe that you need to familiarize yourself with the various methods of discussing a Task 2 essay in order to improve because the main cause for your failure in this essay is that you did not properly discuss the prompt provided.  
  
For starters, you did not properly restate the original prompt in your own words as expected. The first sentence of the opening paragraph needs to show that you understand what the discussion topic is about. The sentence after that, is the reason for the discussion. After that, is the discussion instruction that includes the thesis statement coming from your understanding of the prompt.  
  
Rather than presenting the essay in the required manner for the TA section that is scored in the first paragraph, you dove directly into a discussion of the actual topic. That is a big violation of the opening paraphrase requirement and could garner you a failing TA score, which means you will not have much of a chance of passing the actual test. The proper presentation is as follows:  
  
*There is a belief that home trash does not get recycled because most people do not bother to recycle. That is why there is an opinion that in order to force homes to recycle more, the government should issue an order making recycling a legal requirement. I strongly agree with this statement for a number of reasons.*  
  
Based upon the response that you wrote, this should have been a single opinion presentation. Had you instead indicated that "I partially agree with this statement..." then you could have used a double point of view discussion for the essay.  
  
By the way, the task 2 essay is always a 5 paragraph essay. Only the task 1 essay can come in at 4 paragraphs. Even if you wrote more than 250 words, if your discussions are not fully developed, as your paragraphs tend to be, then your C&C as well as GRA scores will also be affected negatively. So the final score will not be good for this essay at all.
*Do you think the advantages of taking gap year outweigh the disadvantages?*  
  
## this one year off is appreciated

  
  
In recent years, taking gap year has become one of the growing trends among students. Although this decision may perform its advantages as a stable basement of student's future, it is a contentious issue as to whether it is worth for students to waste a year of their youth to take this halt. In my opinion, its drawbacks could never overshadow its benefits.  
  
Firstly, taking one year off before going to university means that they accept to be left behind by their peers for one year of the career ladder. Particularly, they would still be a senior student while their friends may have graduated and out there strive to work hard for superior social position. However, students who spend gap year will be able to provide a stronger ground of persistence and resilience in their will. Since they have already earned several experiences, soft skills such as communicating, problem-solving, time-managing, schedule-planning or even survival skills through their gap year as an employee or a traveler; they are more likely to understand apparently about themselves, their aspiration and passion, which most students pledge to find out. Hence, as a result of their acknowledgment, students will turn out to be more confident to complete their tertiary at university without any hesitation, reluctant or inconsistency.  
  
Secondly, students who decide to take a gap year are still basically high school graduates. Therefore, there are more possibilities for them to be deceived or even exploited by bad eggs for the fact that they are newbies to society. Moreover, if their wills are not strong enough to avoid and confront with darkness power of human's consciences, they may turn into immoral, cruel individuals as their decision take its tolls on their characteristics. Otherwise, if they possibly get over those challenges, there will be many chances for them to become successful in their future with the empirical skills they attain through the gap year and academic knowledge they comprehend at school.  
  
In conclusion, despite some drawbacks in taking the gap year before the tertiary study, this one year off is appreciated because not only does it encourage students to be mature, but also provides them chances to have a closer look into current societies.