dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
hello Hilary88, the idea is good, but I think there are several grammar mistakes and it is hard to understand. I think second and third paragraphs are same opinions, so "on the other hand" should be used in the 4th para. I wrote the 1st and 2nd para. {can still have mistakes}  
  
*It is reported that many children always waste their time playing computer games and watching TV more than they spend on houseworks. Therefore, children need to be instructed by their parents to do household works daily so that children would become more confidence and more skilful in problem solving.  
  
Doing tasks around the house can give several advantages for children. First of all, it is a chance to express love between family members by sharing household chores with parents. In addition, by watching their mother doing houseworks daily, children can have a good habit of doing household tasks. For example, on weekends, children may help their mother by sweeping floors which would be one way of relaxing for children after study and would also give good bonding between family. The second benefit is energy saving because it takes a few electricity while children spend little time before screens. Finally, children gain experiences by doing houseworks which will help them to prepare their future life so that their parents will feel secured about the children's future. For instance, when parents are away from home, they know their children can take care of themselves. To sum up, children have better to do household chores because those are skills which play an important role in life.*
Huynh, I am very sad to tell you that the only score this essay can get is 1 in the actual TOEFL test. The reasons for this are numerous. The first is the confusing presentation of the paraphrased prompt requirements in your opening statement. A native English speaker, the examiner in this case, will develop a case of undue stress based upon your questionable response to the prompt requirement and thoroughly problematic English sentence development. Your grammar does not make sense in most instances and thus, does not help to develop an explanation for your purpose. Additionally, you did not properly represent the prompt requirement that dictates that you agree or disagree with the statement first, then provide examples. The opinion should have been delivered no later than the beginning of the second paragraph. In this instance, there was no opinion coming from you at all. So, based upon the grammar problems and formatting problems, as well as a clear lack of English understanding, the essay cannot be given a passing mark at all.
*hello everyone, this is my first post and my writing. please correct me and advise me.*  
  
## Globalization and lost identity

  
  
It is a well known fact that previously accepted traditional beliefs are ignored by people of the twenty first century. There are inevitable consequences of globalization and system corruption. In this essay, the impacts of globalization and system failure, and the ways to tackle their effects will be discussed.  
  
To start with, globalization, which means that rapid and easy accessible of information, news, and culture, fashions, behaviours, ways of thinking from countries to countries, tempts young citizens to break their norms. In other words, they are reluctant to obey their parents' talks, become more materialistic and less religious than previous decades. As mentioned above, it is an undeniable fact that the situation is challenging for every modern country, and so, trying to improve the cultural value by using the benefits of globalization such as promoting one's cultural norms in social media would be the best approach. To do that, the government should arrange to broadcast TV programmes regarding the tradition, as an example.  
  
Another big problem is system corruption. The failed system makes people's morals bad, as a result, most people today do not feel ashamed as they did in the past, for instance, students in this century are very easy to commit theft in the examination room. Although it would be difficult to correct the problem, it is possible to find a solution by a concerted efforts by both the government and the public such as enacting laws, enforcing laws and so on.  
  
To conclude, although losing cultural beliefs is inevitable issue in modern countries, it is my contention that it has to be tackled by legislation. In my opinion, it is important for every citizen to value and maintain their traditional cultures and norms.
***Hello Zea**l, welcome to Essay Forum. This is a proper medium for improving your writing skill.  
I have read your essay closely. Honestly, there were many things you should improve. In the first sentence, you are gonna lose your score because you can display the meaning of the given statement. It is meant that you could not successfully paraphrase the statement and in my vantage point that is very different. Unfortunately, that you did in the first sentence so that the examiner will easily know your mistakes what you can review in the next sentences. Following that, your thesis statement at the last sentence in the same paragraph was less strong to show what you would review in the body paragraph.  
  
Turning to the body paragraphs, I cannot give you many comments because you are not able to answer the prompts clearly. Your both body paragraphs are so messy and readers could not get what you wanna achieve there. I suggest you that you are supposed to review causes of the matter in the first and the solution in the second so that those seem better and systematically. On tha other hand, your conclusion did not cover what you have mentioned. Keep in your mind that the conclusion should restate what you reviewed in the body paragraph, but it is explained briefly. In other words, to make the conclusion, you paraphrase your thesis statement.  
  
In fact, you have not met requirement succesfully, so you can get the high score hardly. I believe you can understand and master this quickly if you wanna provide your time to read examples of essay. Happy writing, GOOD LUCK*
Phone, the only score that this essay can get as an IELTS discussion topic would be a 3 due to your lack of English comprehension. the discussion that you presented does not follow the prompt requirements at all. The evidence of your lack of understanding of the prompt requirements rests in the way that you misrepresented the paraphrased topic and instructions for discussion. You somehow turned a discussion about cultural values into a discussion about globalization and system corruption. Cultural values have nothing to do with globalization. It is this confusion that you had regarding the prompt discussion that caused the failing score of your essay. Since you are still practicing your essay writing abilities, it is important that you take the time to fully understand the prompt requirements. Do not begin writing unless you are absolutely sure that you understand the question being asked. If you feel uncertain, ask clarification questions. Do these things during the practice sessions a few times. Don't forget to keep reading in English so that you will develop your comprehension skills.
*Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic.*  
  
**When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?**  
  
*You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.*  
  
## traditional habits in danger

  
  
The era of technology is now. Developed countries have utilized technology to the fullest and developing countries is transitioning from conventional systems to advanced ones. However, this brings bad impact to traditional values of life as they are abating. In my opinion, while there is a fall in interest and usage of traditional ideals, it is not useless to preserve those ways.  
  
Technology has many advantages that can bring more. Firstly, both public and private companies start to switch from human workers to computers and robots as they know that with more efficiency, more profit is produced, and these machines are better than humans when it comes to this. Therefore, traditional methods are slowly vanishing from preferences of a company. Moreover, one of the purposes of technology is to make people life easier. For instances, children are more comfortable with video games as body movement is not needed, and businessman can receive instant messages through their handphone, unlike the past where messaging was done by sending letters which took a lot of time. As a result, conventional methods of life, such as traditional games and post lettering, are almost extinct due to technology.  
  
Although it is evident that the old ways are disappearing from people's lifestyle, a country must preserve those style for various reasons. First and foremost, traditional habits present a country's identity and culture. The method of knitting only with hand and bamboo represents one of many traditions in Indonesia and gives so many traditional values to Indonesia. Tourism is also boosted as tourists are usually interested in such way of living. Moreover, traditional ways produce more togetherness, unlike technology which often causes more individualism.  
  
In conclusion, although technology advancement gives quicker positive results than the traditional ways, it is a good idea for a country to keep these things balance by monitoring them.
Wismoyo, there is problem with the paraphrasing in your opening statement. It is not well structured that is why the thesis statement of your essay is not obvious in the first paragraph. Considering the prompt, the first sentence, 'When a country...', is a premise. It is an authoritative statement; more like a fact. The second sentence, 'It is pointless...', is the real gist of your argument where you are required to agree or disagree but not to agree and disagree. Your second paragraph reads as though your are agreeing that it is of no use to preserve the conventional way of life, while the third paragraph agrees that preserving the traditional way of life is needful (that is disagreeing with the opinion that "it is pointless..."). These conflicting ideas were the reasons you could develop any of the points in details with examples. I suggest you either agree and develop points to buttress your school of thought for the opinion or disagree and still tell the reviewer why your argument is against the opinion. Remember that the opinion is "it is pointless..."
Hi Okoye, thank you for your response. In most of my essays, I usually support the opinion in the second paragraph and oppose it in the third paragraph. But now I realize that my position is not clearly presented in this way, especially in this essay.  
  
I will apply your suggestion in my next writings and maybe I will try to write my supporting opinion in second paragraph then discuss in third paragraph the cons of the opinion in but still provide reasons or examples or suggestions so that the effects of disadvantages could be mitigated.  
  
Once again, thanks for your feedback.
*"Convenience food will become increasingly prevalent and will replace traditional methods of food preparation"*  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with opinion?  
  
## Convenience Food Concerns

  
  
As food being one of the most important source for living. it's been given a great amount of attention throughout years and now almost every county has its own food culture.  
  
Food industry has been developed largely in the last century following the industrial revolution that aimed to make everything faster; transportation, media and this didn't exclude the way we eat.  
  
After this there were many ways for manufacturing food ,mostly un-healthy ways ,this have satisfied the working members of the society that has increased dramatically in the last century as work became mandatory for every member of family , so there was no time to prepare food and growing plants the old way , instead there was a genetically modified food that replaced parts in agriculture that were un pleasant, like produce fruits in different times of the year and remove unpleasant taste or increase its size , also fast food preparation made it easier for people to skip the long cooking process.  
  
This revolution has followed by different fatal diseases in the last 50 years represented by coronary heat diseases, high cholesterol levels, obesity, diabetes, strokes and so on.  
  
This has concerned health care professionals as their levels are continuously increasing destroying productivity and economy of many countries , so many health awareness campaigns have been held by the government in order to increase awareness about the importance of healthy diet and the harmful effect of the fast prepared food that is mostly unhealthy and produce many problems  
  
This way in my opinion has drawn attention to outweigh the apparent benefits about this convenience food that became viral as it destroyed financial status of a lot of families and big part of them have lost their love ones by these deteriorating diseases.  
  
So people are now waking up regarding their health and there are a lot of efforts is put in practice like plant based diet that concentrate in eating freshly prepare vegetables with no salt , sugar ,meat , poultry and oil, this sounds tough but this is whet me need in order to restore what has been lost .  
  
In conclusion people in my opinion are talking safer choices toward the way they eat as they've witnessed the fatal effect of the convenience food that become so popular ,so now they take time in cooking , eating healthy un-salted nuts , whole grain fibers , milk and many other healthy choices .
***Hi Hadeel**, welcome to Essay Forum. It is a right place to improve and assess your writing.  
  
Honestly, this writing has still needed many improvements. One of your big mistakes is that your flow in this essay is not good enough. Its reason is simple that you did not present your idea systematically. I think there were a large number of redundant sentences which could not answer the prompts given. For example, the first two sentences explained the topic widely. To make the introductory paragraph, you only need paraphrasing the statement and create a thesis statement which gives a general description about what you would review in the body paragraph. For your case, you only required two body paragraphs. Those are enough to review and display the answer of the prompts detailed. Following this, you are supposed to keep in your mind that the good paragraph should consist of at least thress sentences if you wanna meet the requirement in the formal writing. In the fourth paragraph, you write the conclusion of this matter and if it's important, you can include afew sugesstions for that circumstance. In this moment, I believe you cannot get more than 5 because you cannot fix the question.  
  
Please, you read more exampes of the writing task 2 so that you recognize the basic elements in the essay.  
GOOD LUCK*
Hello,  
  
I think the structure is the first issue. Your sentences are pieces and hard to link them together, and it lets the article look uncompleted, also hard to understand. The better structure in task 2 might be 4 or 5 paragraphs with clear introduction, body paragraph and conclusion. Maybe you can try it next time!  
  
Then I suggest to use more adverb, like "however", "moreover",or "on the other hand" in the beginning, making the paragraph more coherent. Otherwise, continuously use "this" will let the marker think you lack vocabulary.  
  
Hope it helps!
**TOPIC**: Some people think that instead of preventing climate change, we need to find a way to live with it. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?  
  
## The broad interest issue

  
  
Climate change has become an issue of broad interest to the general public. Some people believe that it would be better to devise some solutions to get along well with climate change. From my perspective, finding a wide range of measures to curb this risky phenomenon is more practical.  
  
On the one hand, there are various reasons why it might be considered beneficial to deter climate change. The first reason is taking control on climate change will lead to a better living conditions. As all we know, this dangerous phenomenon may give rise to the shift in temperature and has a detrimental impact on life's quality such as the scorching weather in some areas. Therefore, if citizens minimize the influence of climate change on the Earth, this will contribute to a more ideal place to reside without suffering from its consequences. Another reason is there are a variety of simple measures to fight against this problem. For instance, local residents can cut down on power used on a regular basis or try to utilize public transport. The authority can launch environmental campaigns to boost residents' awareness about using alternative energy in place of non-renewable power. It is not easy to solve climate change instantly, but we can mitigate its negative effects and decrease its increasing speed.  
  
On the other hand, there are numerous downsides when people withstand climate change. The first consequence is inhabitants may confront with the fluctuation in weather and temperature. People can, even though, survive in changing environment, they have to undergo the rigorous weather everyday. There are also various detrimental impacts on people's health and natural environment such as skin cancer, deforestation and the extinction of many species. Living with climate change means that no one try to contend with it. As a result, climate change tend to become worse and worse without any solutions. It is inevitable that living with climate change introduces people a temporary plan, while people needs a permanent plan to deal with the increasing problem.  
  
In conclusion, it is clear to me that we must address the problem of climate change and I disagree with those who argue that we can find ways to live with it.
Linh, the approach to this essay is one that requires you to pick only one side and discuss / defend it within the essay discussion you are presenting. Your opinion, in agreement or disagreement must be chosen and represented towards the end of the opening statement. The keyword "agree" or "disagree" with the statement provided needed to be clear by using the keyword. Since the discussion that you presented in the paraphrasing portion, also known as the first paragraph, did not accurately represent the side you are supporting via a simple statement such as "I agree with the statement to a certain degree for a number of reasons." or "I disagree with the statement based on a number of factors.", the rest of the essay was then affected and represented the discussion in an incorrect manner. The reason your discussion became incorrect, is because you ended up discussing the two sides of the matter, and then offering an unsupported opinion and dissent in the concluding part of the essay. These discussion movements are not within the required discussion presentation of your essay. The whole discussion then became faulty when compared to the original prompt. This resulted in a score of 3 for the overall essay. You have to understand, once you fail the task accuracy portion, it will be extremely difficult for you to increase your scores in the remaining criteria.
**In many countries, more and more people choose to buy imported food rather than food produced locally. Why people buy imported food? What could be done to encourage people to buy local food?**  
  
## The consumption of domestic or foreign goods?

  
\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_  
Nowadays, consumers are more likely to make a food products from foreign countries choice than domestic ones. While there are various reasons for this trend, some initiatives could be taken to increase buyer's demand for local food.  
  
There are two mains reasons, in my opinion, why an increasing number of people tend to purchasing food imports. Firstly, the development of international trade has become easier for purchasers to access to foreign food products. As a result, they can choose between several products and find the one they like the most. Secondly, consumers would prefer purchasing food imports because of their quality. When foods are being imported, their quality is always checked an  
  
d only the best products end up on the globe market so this would help the buyers could believe in quality of imported food. In Vietnam, for example, importing agricultural products must undergo testing and also include expiration dates, and food safety standards.  
  
The government should take some measures to boosting the consumption of domestic commodities effectively. The first solution is that government could impose a higher tax on the importation to reduce the demand. By raising tax, people's pockets are affected directly, thus they would increase their desire for more indigenous food. On an individual level, food manufacturing companies should assure their consumption of food that is higher for fresh, natural and organic products. In other words, if a supplier tried to sell healthier food, people would show more willingness to increase their spending on the local foods.  
  
In conclusion, the causes for consumers' change of preference for food are varied; and government and producers could do a lot to promote them to buy local products.  
  
#279words
Nguyen, your opening statement falls short of the examiner's expectations. You failed to properly develop the paragraph by showing a clear paraphrasing of the prompt and the outline for the discussion. Your short, 2 sentence presentation does not effectively introduce the upcoming discussion. Next time, make sure to review the prompt requirements against your opening statement. Ensure that all of the required elements are represented properly and that the discussion outline is clear. By the way, you don't need to place a period between paragraphs. A simple line break using the enter key will be sufficient. You could lose points for misplaced punctuation marks. Just write the essay as you would normally write a paper for school.  
  
Your line of reasoning is appropriate and informs the reader in a proper manner. There are definite problems with the grammar that has a definite effect on your grammar range score but the fact that the meaning somehow comes across clearly helps to improve your score in that section. However, your concluding statement is a different case.  
  
A concluding statement just simply be a summation of the discussion. That said, your conclusion must represent the prompt discussion requirements, your reasons, and then your suggestions for how to solve the problem. It should also have a minimum of 3 sentences, like the opening statement. So your final paragraph was not able to help boost your essay in terms of the final score. I think you won't get higher than a 5 for this essay.