dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Dang, the essay prompt instructs you to discuss examples of how man has caused negative effects on animal habitats in land and in the sea. Therefore, your discussion body should present one paragraph each for the destruction on land and one for the sea. That way, you properly discuss the essay in the format and information required by the original prompt. don't change the discussion by discussing elements that do not have any connection or relationship to the original prompt. You can discuss one problem and one solution per paragraph in order to create a coherent and cohesive discussion that will properly reflect the outlined discussion requirements of the original prompt.  
  
Your current discussion does not represent the correct discussion as it does not refer to land and sea destruction as indicated in the original discussion presentation. Therefore, the discussion that you present could be considered a prompt deviation and as such, either get you a failing or low score in an actual test setting. The misrepresented discussion in the body indicates a shortcoming on your part regarding the instructions you were given for the discussion. It is important that you clearly discuss one land problem regarding animal habitation and one sea problem regarding the same problem. However, each habitation problem and solution must be contained in a single paragraph to make it easier to keep track of your discussion presentation.  
  
While the opening statement is somewhat acceptable, due to its lack of one more sentence in order to be considered a complete paragraph, the conclusion needs more work. A properly developed conclusion must properly assess the previous information and present it in a shortened format of 3-5 sentences in the final paragraph. This serves are the wrap-up or summary discussion of the given outline.
***Some people believe that schools are no longer necessary, because students can get so much information through the Internet, and study just as well at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?***  
  
## necessity of attending schools

  
  
It is ture that online courses and resources play an important role in modern education. Some people think that it is unnecessary for students to study at school, since they can stay at home and find study materials on the Internet. Personally, I tend to disagree with this opinion.  
  
First of all, well-experienced teachers can never be replaced by artificial intelligence. They know more about how to select beneficial materials for students and provide organized courses. They talk to students face to face in the classroom, so that they can find different questions of every student and figure them out accordingly. Besides, teachers can offer more help to their students in addition to the study. It is much easier to go through the hard time with their encouragement.  
  
School education provides opportunity for students to meet their peers as well, which is very important to their growth. In the school, young children can develop friendship with students from different families. They learn to cooperate with each other, respect everyone in the class and be tolerant in a non-virtue way. If they stay at home, they may hardly communicate with others, and become too shy or self-centered to make friends in their life.  
  
We have to admit that it is relatively convinient to study online. Students can easily get access to knowledge and information available, and take online course which allow them to study at any time they want. However, this new approach can be an assistant of traditional school education, but not to take the place of it. Students can be well-educated only with the tutorial from their teachers and communication with their classmates.  
  
Overall, it is necessary for students to go to school and attend their class, while they can still gain knowledge through the Internet.
Zhou, I am not sure if you proof read your work before turning it in. You are using the term "ture", which does not refer to an English word. Rather, that word is of Danish origin and means "to party on." Please ensure that you proof read your essays prior to submission because the wrong use of terms will result in a marked down vocabulary score on your part. When you state your opinion, use the exact key word from the original statement. Your opinion should have indicated; *"I disagree with this opinion to a certain extent, based on several reasons."* Also, since this is an opinion essay, you must take ownership of all the statements that you make in it. Therefore, instead of saying "We have to admit...", the proper presentation would be "I have to admit..." There is no "we" in an opinion statement, only an "Me, myself, and I".  
  
While your reasoning paragraphs are good, the concluding portion, that should be summarizing the presented discussion and reiterating your opinion is not functioning a such. It is merely indicating a singular sentence of additional information. Since new information cannot be presented as a concluding statement, you will get an additional scoring down for that mistake under the task accuracy portion.  
  
This is a good effort at writing an essay. I suggest that you continue to practice and further develop the method by which you write your opening statement and conclusions based upon my aforementioned suggestions. It will surely help to increase your score in the end.
@Holt  
  
Thank you very much for your suggestion!! Also, I feel sorry for the stupid spelling mistake in the first paragraph.  
  
I've tried to improve the opening statement and the conclusion, and I wonder if they become better than before:  
  
**It is true that online courses and resources play an important role in modern education. Some people think that it is unnecessary for students to study at school, since they can stay at home and find study materials on the Internet. Personally, I strongly disagree with the opinion that schools are no longer necessary for several reasons.  
  
...  
  
Overall, my view is that it is necessary for students to go to school and attend their class, while they can still gain new information through the Internet. In the school, students can learn knowledge more effectively with certain help from educators and improve their social skills, which are difficult to achieve by studying at home.**  
  
Thanks again!
Kristin, if you want to make this essay more persuasive, then you need to represent a balanced comparison of the previous method of employee evaluation in comparison to the new one. Specifically, mention the key points where the old method fails and the new method succeeds. By presenting such information, you will be able to more actively and accurately persuade the person to consider your side more seriously. Additionally, the lack of informative background on the old method of evaluation would have helped to represent the necessity of upgrading the employee evaluation techniques to suit the modern workplace. It isn't enough to justify the benefits of the new method of evaluation, you need to look back as well in order to create a strong foundation for your suggested changes in the evaluation process. What I am trying to explain to you is this, you should consider using a "compare and contrast" discussion in order to "persuade" your reader. The comparison point comes too late in the essay of 10 pages. Try to alternate the comparison and contrasting discussion earlier in the paper so that your presentation becomes more interesting. I also noticed that you have some in-text citations that are not properly cited within the paper. Kindly make sure that you review those parts and offer the correct parenthetical reference for the source so as to create a more well-researched image for your already impressive paper. Your work has an impressive presentation and does come across as a comfortable conversational piece so you don't have to worry about that. From what I can tell, the paper flows smoothly and does exactly what it has to do. My statements above are just discussions that can hopefully, help you further improve your presentation in the final version.
**Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your opinion**  
  
## huge salary for a professional athlete

  
  
Some sport players earn in one year what a worker earns in years of life. This is the result of the well profited industry of entertainment.even though some people think its unfair, players should receive a high salary, due the fact they are not only the ones who earns high salary in this role, that they are the main characters of these games, and its difficult succeed in this career.  
  
Despite the fact that these career can bring fortune and fame, it has many disadvantages, its all unstable and risky.build career as an athlete requires years of dedication and also be young enough, he must be good on both mental and physical conditions, in case of an Irreversible injury, working all these years with sports, it will be tough to start different career.  
  
The industry of sports make millions of dollars with tickets sales, media rights, brands and others. The owners earn the biggest amount of money without even move or run the risks.if the players receive a lower salary, the sport industry would still make money, and the biggest part of the would still go the owners.  
  
To summarize the big salary of an athlete is fair, because represents a good distribution of revenue that the industry receive, and also the fact that careers in sports are difficult and unstable, it can only be performed in the youth.
Ricardo, you were not able to properly paraphrase the original prompt. You mistook the presentation of facts in your first paragraph for the paraphrasing. Let me show you how the proper paraphrasing for this prompt should look:  
  
*Successful sports professionals tend to earn a greater deal of money than the regular employee. Some people think that the income that athletes are paid is justifiable. Others believe that the sports celebrities earn too much for their profession and this puts them at an unfair advantage. As far as my point of view is concerned, I believe that their high salaries are justified. I will be discussing these justifications shortly.*  
  
Only after this presentation should your current first paragraph come into the discussion as part of your justification for the high salary the athletes receive. Your summary is not a properly developed conclusion because you continue to discuss the justification process in it. Therefore, it is not a summary but additional information. A summary should read similar to this:  
  
*In summary, I would like to reiterate the athletes have justifiable reasons for their high salaries. While these may seem exorbitant to some, the dangers and skills required to play the game indicates that the athletes take greater risks with their physical well being than regular employees. Therefore, the salary their receive is commensurate to their performance and the demands of their career.*  
  
Note that I merely summarized the already presented information along with a repetition of my opinion, closing with a justification that does not present new information to the reader but merely adopts a point of view already given in the previous statements. That is how you write a proper summary.
## teaching children a foreign language early

  
  
Certain primary schools begin teaching their students another language. While I accept that there are several drawbacks of this trend, I tend towards the viewpoint that it has beneficial impacts on students.  
  
On the one hand, by learning a new language in primary school years, pupils can face up to two major issues. Firstly, students are more likely to get confused with their own mother tongue language. A recent study by National University shows that more than 40% of primary students in Vietnam have difficulties in speaking Vietnamese when learning it and English simultaneously. Secondly, studying a foreign language can cause children stress. Rather than concentrating on several areas of knowledge such as Math or Science, they also have to focus on another language, which can increase pressure on them, particularly those who do not show an aptitude for foreign languages. For example, to my brother, learning English has become an obsession, because this means he is compelled to do more homework, which makes him have less time to relax.  
  
On the other hand, personally, I believe that these setbacks are outweighed by the benefits. One benefit is that school boys and girls are about to pick up new words faster because they have tendency to develop their language ability at the fastest speed. Hence, they will be able to prepare certain lexical resources before they are forced to cope with considerably more complex grammars. Another benefit is that children have more chances to explore foreign cultures. By understanding clearly the cultures of several countries, they are less likely to experience cultural shock and easily adjust themselves to live in these countries. Additionally, learning another language is an effective way to improve children's flexibility and memory. New York Times revealed that more than 60% of primary students who learn more than one language tend to be more active and memorise facts or figures better.  
  
In conclusion, although teaching a foreign language at primary school has some disadvantages, it seems to me that this is more likely to have positive influences on children.
Ngoc, please provide the full original instruction for your essay prompt the next time that you post an essay so that I can better review your response for instruction adherence and discussion relevance. Your current work will be reviewed without those elements considered. The opening statement that you present falls short of the required 3 sentence minimum for a proper paragraph. As such, it does not accurately represent the prompt requirements in terms of discussion topic and discussion style. Since these are some of the most important elements of the test, it can actually help you to pass of fail the test, don't expect to get any helpful scoring marks in this section of the essay scoring consideration.  
  
Your essay tries to discuss too many elements per paragraph. Within a 30 minute time frame, you will not be able to do this in the actual setting. Focus on developing only one line of reasoning per paragraph that you can completely discuss within 5 sentences. Do not try to discuss more than one per paragraph because the examiner needs to see evidence that your understanding of the prompt requirement will be properly reflected in the reasons that you are giving. That cannot be done when you present 2 or 3 evidences per paragraph with only one explanatory sentence to support it.  
  
Your concluding remarks do not properly summarize the given topic for discussion, summarized data, and a repetition of your personal opinion as the closing sentence of the discussion. A properly developed concluding sentence should easily reflect the information provided by the opening statement in a more complete and informative manner covering the maximum 5 sentences.
Hi, there are some points that I don't agree with your argument  
  
1. According to linguistics, children can learn up to 3 languages or more without falling into a state of confusion.  
  
During my teaching time, students who started learning English at very young age perform better than adults in terms of vocabulary, reaction, memory ..... In fact, children do not have a lot of other things to care about and due to their psychology matter, they learn by playing and the amount of language input is small so they won't find it hard to excel in other languages.  
  
2. Your benefits and drawbacks tend to conflict each other. One proposal in the disadvantage is to confuse with their mother tongue language, second is they learn in their fastest pace.  
  
3. Culture is a very broad context and most of textbooks do not prepare such exposure for student to cope with in their future life.
@hailung  
Thank you for your comment.  
- But as i know, many students who learn foreign language early have difficulty in speaking their mother tongue language. They find it difficult to express their ideas.  
  
- I think my benefits and drawbacks do not conflict each other. When small, children can learn fastest but they still can feel confused with their mother tongue, right?  
  
- I only say that children "are less likely...", not do not have to cope with the problem about culture in the future.  
Yep, it's my opinion. Would you mind helping me to improve my essay? Thanks so much.
There is an unanswered question in your presentation. You said "Never give up without trying because you will never know what could happen." Therefore, the belief system you created was based upon "at least trying". So what happened after you tried out? Obviously you did not make it through to the next level of auditions. but what happened during the time you were waiting for the decision? I don't get a sense of personal growth and connection with your newly minted belief system. That makes the essay inaccurate in presentation and does not really fulfill the expectations of your thesis statement. You narrated and you described but you did not show growth as a character / person who underwent such a personality altering audition. What lessons were learned that led you to develop your thesis statement? Anybody can try out and say, "At least I tried". In this case though, your thesis statement begs you to discuss more than that. As a college application essay, you have to consider this written interview as a way of presenting the idea of how you deal with disappointment and how you find personal enlightenment or chances for personal growth through these failures, which there may be a lot of, during your college life. Your thesis is good, but the presentation still needs to be developed further. It concentrated too much on descriptions and lost the balance of personal insight in the process.
**Topic: Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists but not local people. Why is this the case and what can be done to attract more local people visit these places.**  
  
It is an inevitable fact that most museums and local sites are mainly focused by travellers and local residents are supposed to ignore these places. There are a range of reasons contributing to this problem. However, several measures can be taken by governments to address this issue.  
  
This phenomenon is believed to result from two main reasons. Most of local museums and historical sites have become really familiar to residents. Knowledge about these destinations has been taught to local students for many times. Therefore, local residents do not have a desire to visit these places as they think they have a deep insight into national history. For instance, in my country, Vietnam, students have already known about their native history for a long time. National history is a mandatory subject. As a result, local citizens in my area only want to gain experience about world history as well as different cultures. Another reason for which most people do not go to local museums or historical places is due to high-entrance price. Youngsters cannot afford for the cost as well as adults want to pay the same amount for something new or they have not known.  
  
Nevertheless, governments and schools can take steps to mitigate the potential problem. The first solution is authorities should allocate national budget to invest in museums and historical sites. Money can be utilized to develop these destinations such as decorating museums with more artefacts, allowing local people to visit without charging any fee. Secondly, institutions should launch campaigns to educate the locals to understand their native history deeply as well as raise awareness about local history conservation. Another method is schools should focus on teaching national history as important as other subjects.  
  
In conclusion, even though there are many reasons leading to this problem, I believe those in control and schools can certainly takes step to contend with this matter.
Tung, there are two points for correction in your essay. In the opening statement, you did not accurately paraphrase the prompt you were provided. There is a big difference between local people not visiting museums and local people ignoring the local museums. When you say "ignore" that means "refuse to take notice of or acknowledge; disregard intentionally." Which is not the case here. the locals know the museum exists. They just don't visit the museum for unknown reasons. To immediately conclude that they are intentionally disregarding the existence of the museum is the wrong assumption. Specially when you read the line of reasoning presented later on. The paraphrased statement and the discussion you present does not fall under the "ignore" aspect. It is incorrect to say that the "local residents are supposed to ignore" the museum. Rather, you should be saying that "local residents do not have a keen interest in visiting the museum." 'supposed to ignore" means that the locals are required to ignore or not visit the museum, which is not a correct assumption. They are not required to ignore the museum nor refrain from visiting it, they just end up not going to the museum for some reason.  
  
It would have been better for your essay if you had not mentioned the high cost of museum entrance fees in the second paragraph if you were not going to offer a solution for it in the third paragraph. Bear in mind that when you are asked to represent solutions to problems, you need to make sure that all the scenarios that you presented in the previous paragraph have proposed solutions in the next paragraph. In this case, subsidies or free entrance days to the museums would have been a logical attraction to entice the locals to visit the museum.  
  
Work on better developing your concluding paragraph. Make sure that you accurately sum up the discussion and that your English skills are better highlighted at the close of the essay. The concluding paragraph is your last chance to impress the reviewer with your ability to read, understand, and write in English. So don't limit yourself to only one sentence. Fully utilize the concluding paragraph for your benefit.