dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Please advice me on this. Thanks a lot!  
  
## shopping online is replacing shopping at store

  
  
With the fast-growth of technology in the modern days, e-market has become an ever-increasing trend and gradually overtaken in-store shopping. Indeed, online shopping offers both customers and business-makers plenty of benefits, it also comes with several drawbacks.  
  
In respect to the bright side, there are different pros worth mentioning. First, service-users find e-shopping incredibly time-saving, especially for those who are snowed under with work and family concerns. In fact, innumerable products could be delivered in the front door only with a click of mouse as e-shopping doesn't require physical travel and it provides convenient door-to-door service to the buyers. Secondly, e-market-buyers could have access to the international trade and make a purchase of any items outside their country. Amazon is a prominent example which offers customers wider choices with an excessive number of items and competitive prices from variety shops and stores globally. Thirdly, e-shopping also opens a huge number of business opportunities for small retailers to make great profits without the necessary of hiring an office or staff to maintain the operation of their shops.  
  
All things considered, the demerits of online shopping should be also addressed. First, purchasing items online might cause satisfaction, disappointment and frustration to the buyers. In many cases, service-makers are prone to display glossy photos of their products to boost their sale; however, the quality or materials of such items are not as advertised. Second, people who access to e-shopping are more likely be at risk of being victimized by computer crimes. In fact, those making online purchase encounter higher chances of being hacked. For example, customers' ID cards, banking accounts or even private information might be invaded or fringed by hackers and bad people.  
  
In conclusion, disregarding the disadvantages, online-shopping has gained in popularity and appeared to continue blooming and overshadowing conventional shopping in the upcoming years.
Duong, without the prompt, I cannot assess the responsiveness of your essay. So this review will only be based on a review of your writing skills, grammar problems, and other presentation points for improvement. Please remember to include the full prompt next time you post a practice essay for our review so that you can receive a thorough assessment of your work.  
  
Kindly remember that you are writing an academic paper. Therefore, contractions such as "doesn't" is unacceptable in this presentation. It must be presented in the academic form "does not". Contractions will have an effect on your GRA score because you are assessed on your familiarity with English writing rules. You should also use more descriptive terms instead of simple descriptions. For example, you could have created a more interesting presentation, and also increased your LR, GRA + C&C score if you had said "a substantial number" rather than "a huge number". Using advanced English words in the proper manner will always help boost your overall score since the scoring brackets are inter-related.  
  
These are the important points of concern, as I view it, within your essay. I am sure that I could have come up with a more complete review if you had just completed the prompt presentation. Maybe next time...
## **Effects of Technology**

  
  
a 250 word essay ILETs  
Need help and advice to improve my writing skills  
  
Technology has made a huge advancement since it's discovery. It is well known to save us time and energy. It has had positive and negative effect on its users. This essay reflects on the positive effect technology has had on todays society.  
  
Technologies use in the communication industry has made it possible for users to connect with anyone around the world in an instant. With the use of smart mobile phones and internet services, it has become so much easier, quicker and convenient to get in touch with families, friends and colleagues all over the world.  
  
The use of live chat technology such as skype, viber, facebook messenger allows users to view the person we are having a conversation with, making conversations much more meaningful. Many business use live chat to engage in conference and meeting. Such advanced technology has made it very convenient for us to get in touch with others either locally or internationally.  
  
Technology in the education industry has made it possible for many users to gain or advance their qualification. Few decades ago the only form of education available was based in classroom, where student had to be present in person.  
  
However, these days with the use of the internet services it has become much more convenient and easy for anyone who wants to gain or advance there qualification. Many student with significant disability or those from isolated geographical areas, can now have the option of attending online learning setting to gain or advance there education from the comfort of there homes.  
  
Technology has had many positive impact on its users. Technology has overcome many barriers that existed last century. It has allowed isolated members of the society to become much more engaged in meaningful activities.
## consumption of fish and meat in Europe

  
  
The line graph illustrates the variation in types of food which, were consumed by Europian and how these Europe figures differed during a 5- year period from 1919 to 2004  
  
It is clear that the amount of beef, lamb, and fish decreased, despite fluctuations, over the period shown, while much smaller of fish had been consumed in comparison with the other three kinds of meat  
  
In 1979, around 225 grams per week was consumed, in comparison with over 50 grams of fish and roughly 150 grams of chicken and lamb. The amount of poultry rose dramatically, peaking at around 225 grams per week over the next 15 years. By contrast, the figures for beef and lamb dropped erratically to 200 grams and 75 grams respectively. Furthermore, the trend of fish went up and down slightly as it hovered around 50 grams until the middle of the 1990s  
  
In the period between 1994 and 2004, a decrease was recorded for consuming three of the four types of food, whereas poultry rose enormously. By 2004, it is thought that around 250 grams of chicken were consumed, while the figures for beef and lamb were much lower, hitting a low of 100 units and 75 grams. However, fish was the least commonly used food in the European country with only about 60 grams  
  
Hope to hear feedback of everyone! Thank you
The overall content of the writing piece is fine, except for a few grammatical errors:  
  
"variation in types of food which, were consumed by Europian" = "various types of food consumed by citizens of a European country"  
" how these Europe figures differed during a 5- year period" = "how these figures have changed in 5 years"  
"while much smaller of fish had been consumed" = "while fish was consumed in smaller amounts"  
"until the middle of the 1990s" = "until the mid-90s"  
"a decrease was recorded for consuming three of the four types of food" = "a decrease in consumption was recorded for three of the four types of food"  
  
"whereas poultry rose enormously" = "with the exception of poultry which saw an exponential increase"  
"it is thought that around 250 grams of chicken were consumed" = "roughly 250 grams of chicken were consumed"  
"hitting a low of 100 units and 75 grams" = "dropping drastically to 100 units and 75 grams respectively"  
"fish was the least commonly used food" = "fish was consumed the least"  
  
That's about it for my feedback. Hope that helps.  
  
Would really appreciate it if you could comment on mine too!
## Young people share a living space with their parents as long as possible

  
  
**Some people encourage young children to leave their parents' house as soon as possible they are adults while others say that children should live with their family as long as possible. Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
These days, more and more young adults tend to share a living space with their parents as long as possible. While this trend is widely supported by some people, others are opposed to this view. Despite I personally believe that children should move out of the family home as soon as they are grown up, this essay will examine both sides of the issue and provide with relevant examples.  
  
First of all, it is undoubtful that living apart from parents enables an adolescent to develop into a mature person, both mentally and financially. As soon as an infant leaves a parental house, he has no choice but to acquire problem solving skills which are necessary in various aspects of life, such as performing household chores, handling his own finances, and tackling with social interaction. Moreover, in order to cover all the living expenses, a juvenile would endeavor best efforts to secure a well-remunerated job. For example, a recent research by a university of Cincinnati showed that 72 per cent of American adults aged 18, who live on their own, succeeded to secure a well-paid job.  
  
Yet there are some opponents of this idea that are convinced infants would benefit a great deal more from settling in their parental house. Objectively, daily communication and timespending with a close-knit family could nothing but contribute to strengthening family bonds as well as preserving family traditions. For instance, it is widely common for the Italians aged 18 to 30 to live together with their folks without suffering from family estrangement. Additional benefit of staying in the parental house for a long time is being assisted financially. For example, a child supported by parents is likely to save up a desirable amount of money for tuition fees or pay off the student loan.  
  
To conclude, I firmly believe that although encouraging children to live with a family may be fairly beneficial, the most valuable experience can be acquired through living separately from them, since only then can juveniles stand on their own feet and become self-sufficient as well.
I think the overall content of this essay is fine, with the exception of a few grammatical and vocabulary errors:  
  
"Despite I personally..." = "Despite the fact that children can receive some potential benefits from living with their parents, I personally..."  
"provide with relevant examples" = "provide relevant examples"  
"it is undoubtful" = "there is no doubt"  
"as soon as an infant leaves..." = "as soon as a young adult leaves..."  
"that are convinced infants..." = "who are convinced that young adults..."  
"timespending"= "spending time"  
'could nothing but contribute" = "could contribute"  
"Additional benefit of" = "An additional benefit of"  
"or pay off the student loan" = "or for paying off student loans"  
"since only then can juveniles can stand on their own feet and become self-sufficient as well" = "since only then are juveniles able to stand on their own two feet and become self-sufficient"  
  
That's about it for my feedback. Hope that would help.  
  
I would really appreciate it if you could give feedback on my essay too!
Anna, the discussion you have presented does not properly represent the dual point of view and personal opinion discussion. For starters, your personal opinion is never included as a part of the prompt paraphrase as your personal reason requires an expanded explanation. That is why it is always presented as a standalone paragraph, never as part of the concluding paragraph either. The concluding paragraph is used for something else entirely. It appears that you are not familiar with the presentation styles for the Task 2 essays so let me inform you about that.  
  
For starters, when you begin your reasoning paragraphs, the first sentence, the topic sentence, needs to indicate which public point of view is being discussed by acknowledging that it is a public point of view. If you don't to that, the paragraph comes across as a personal point of view. You could use terms such as "The first group believes that... because..." and "While the second group explains that...." Then indicate your point of view with "Based on these explanations, I believe / my opinion is that..." Clarifying who is speaking per paragraph helps to create coherent and cohesive paragraph presentations.  
  
Remember, the prompt instructions will tell you if you have to write a 2 or 3 reasoning paragraph. If the instruction is:  
  
Discuss both point of view and your opinion - 3 reasoning paragraphs  
  
Do you agree or disagree - 2 reasoning paragraphs  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree - 2 reasoning paragraphs  
  
What is your opinion - 2 reasoning paragraphs  
  
I hope you can see the discussion pattern in the presentation above. Each discussion question has a response pattern. Memorize the pattern to get the most out of your C&C and GRA scores.  
  
When it comes to your concluding paragraph, it must always be a 3 sentence minimum summary of the previously presented discussions. The concluding paragraph is also known as the reverse paraphrase because in this section, you indicate the discussion topic, the reasoning sentence per paragraph, and your personal opinion, with a closing sentence. That is because the examiner needs to test if you are able to restate your thoughts in a short but still understandable manner.  
  
Most of your sentences tend to be run on sentences, which means you are writing too many words. In an actual test setting, you will not be able to finish writing the essay within 40 minutes if you write this many words. Always limit yourself to one topic per paragraph and no more than 3-5 explanatory sentences to keep yourself within a time frame that allows for the editing of your work before submission. Read and revise all the mistakes you can spot within the remaining time so that you can increase your scoring potential.
*writing task 2 some people believe that competitive sport, both team and individual. have no place in the school curriculum. to what extent do you agree or disagree?*  
  
I have just learned writing for a short time, so it is my pleasure to read comments from you guy thank you so much.  
  
## competitive or non-competitive sport at schools

  
  
Since many years ago. The physical training has been considered to be a compulsory subject in schools. Some people argue that we should encourage the collective sport and non-competitive sport in school only, competitive sport should not be added into the school curriculum both team or individual.in my point of view, I half agree with this opinion. Particularly, competitive sport should be taught in high school, not in primary school or lower.  
  
This kind of sport is very interesting and beneficial it can lead to many physical improvements and social skill. But competitive sport is not appropriate for students in primary schools or younger, because it can have many potential risks for the students, they can hurt them self or be hurt by others seriously and consciously when they try to overcome each others. Since they do not have the complete body as mature people. Another point is that competitive sports are really able to be addiction and children are too young to avoid that they can be depressed and spend a lot of time for them then not pay enough time for studying.  
  
In high school is a totally different aspect. From High school age, students are old enough to play this kind of sport as a hobby or a normal subject in school with less risk of addiction and studying distraction. They are almost mature to take care of them self and experience some more challenging sport such as soccer, Volleyball or contact sport. Those sports can improve the health of player and attractive enough to make students away from social evil.  
  
Overall, we can decide which sports are suitable to be added to the school curriculum depend on the age of students. By this way, we can make sure the best physical training for each age of childen.bk
Nguyen, good work with the paraphrase and response. Bad work adding the reasoning sentence at the end. Remember, if you cannot fully explain the reason in the paragraph, then don't present it in the paragraph. The opening paragraph is always a paraphrase that does not need the introduction of the reasoning part, unless you are dealing with a direct response essay. All point of view essays do not require the reasoning at the end of the prompt paraphrase paragraph. Next time, save the reasoning for the first of 2 or 3 reasoning paragraphs.  
  
Your grammar mistakes show a lack of familiarity with the English language. "... each other's" indicates a sense of property, but it ends with a period in your presentation, so no property is indicated in the sentence. So it should be "...each other", meaning each person. Be familiar with the capitalization rules. Proper nouns are capitalized. descriptive words such as "high school" are not. The word "but" is also never used to start a sentence due to its nature as a connecting word between two ideas in one sentence. Your second sentence in the second paragraph is a run on sentence. Try to avoid using commas to connect unrelated descriptions in a sentence. One example incident is enough. It helps you avoid GRA errors.  
  
In the concluding paragraph, what did you mean by "bk"? It isn't an American or British English word. You also need to properly summarize the conclusion with a rephrasing of the prompt (2nd version) which will also include a reference to the reasoning paragraphs which create the summarized discussion topics, along with a repeat of your personal opinion, prior to the presentation of your closing sentence. The concluding summary is meant to recap the full discussion and show your heightened English expression abilities a final time.
## Some people become famous at young age.

  
***Is it good thing or bad thing?***  
  
In present generations, there are many instances where younger individuals are becoming increasingly popular.  
Some people think that the situation is advantageous, whereas other have a contradictory opinion. I opine with the latter group and believe it is disadvantageous owing to its drawbacks such as sacrificing precious childhood, education and getting addicted to luxurious lifestyles.  
  
First of all, childhood is considered as a bliss in an individual life. A child that becomes famous at an early age is most likely to lose his bond and association with family and friends as public eye becomes more demanding and critical. In other words, a success child would not has an opportunity to take care of himself and to spent quality time with parents and acquaintances which indirectly effect his early age. If we take an example of a famous cricketer Sachin Tendulkar from India, he became a famous sportsperson at early twenties whereas he could not even finish his secondary education and does not have a single childhood friend.  
  
Secondly, with accretion of money and fame at an early age people get habituated to lavish lifestyle. Therefore, the person becomes stubborn and proud, disrespecting elders and other members of society. He can stay without a person but can not live without fame, money and gadgets. This in turn means the individual became insensitive to social life by disregarding moral values. A recent research by psychiatrists mentioned that younger adult with fame, prefer to step on traditions and cultures and get swayed away by western culture particularly an addiction to alcohol and narcotics to kill loneliness.  
  
To conclude, although becoming famous at younger age is beneficial, the adverse effects outweigh the beneficial effects. The negative effects include eliminating early ages for success and getting attached to materialistic life. This strengthen my belief towards drawbacks of becoming successful early.
Frooti, you should always remember to change the verb form after an auxiliary presentation. So when you say "a success child would not has an opportunity", "has" should be changed to the current form "have". Also, the word is "successful", not "success". Familiarize yourself with word meanings. "Success" means the accomplishment of an aim or purpose, while "successful" refers to accomplishing a desired aim or result. Or an alternative meaning for successful, in relation to the discussion provided is having achieved fame, wealth, or social status. There are several other instances of word choice problems in this essay which I will forgo pointing out at this point because I would end up revising your whole presentation. Just be more mindful of your word choice and vocabulary errors in the future. As a final note for this section, please remember that you have to use the conjunction "cannot" instead of "can not" because the latter means "able to but unable to" at the same time. It does not make sense in the sentence presentation.  
  
With regards to your punctuation problems, kindly remember that when stating a series of related words in a sentence-like list, you have to use the Oxford comma to indicate when the end of the list has been achieved such as in your reference to; "He can stay without a person but cannot live without fame, money **,** and gadgets."  
  
Your essay lacks in popular examples with whom the examiner can identify with in the discussion. Your examples are of child stars in your home country which is okay, but you could have scored better if you had used a more internationally known name among the child stars. Your discussion shows a clear understanding of the prompt although your sentence presentations need improvement. Overall, this is a good first attempt. Keep practicing and seeking guidance for your writing improvement. I am sure you will keep getting better at this.
Do you know what is the most important thing of your life? I'm sure many people here may know the answer! In my opinion, I think that's our family! Family, which gives you a home, a shelter. Also it gives you a special love which nothing can compare with it. So today I'm going to introduce about my lovely family. There are 3 people in my family including: my mom, my dad and the only child of the family is me  
  
## my dad, mom, and me

  
  
DAD: He is a cornerstone of my family. He is a really handsome man with a kind eye which through it I can see his happiness. I think that his happiness come from his job . For the last 15 years he has worked as a teachers and he loves it. As a teacher he has taught me a lot of things not only about math or English but also his life lesson and what I have learnt from his lesson is: "Appreciate for what I'm having right now". So that why my dad is also my first teacher. After a hard-working day, his favorite activity is gardening which he invests a lot of his time in it and it also makes him feel better after work. After all I think my dad is very gentle and supportive man. I'm really glad to be his son. And when I grow up, I want to be just like him.  
  
MOM: She is a beautiful woman and she also looks younger than her age. Although she works more than 8 hours a day. She must be the most hard work person that I have ever known. My mom shows her love to her family in many ways, thus my family can feel it by her actions that she took, for instance, she is always worry about my health condition and my learning process and she always be there for me when I feel depressed when I want to give up, she always encourage me to go on and never give up. My mom is also a playful. She usually tell joke while we are eating which makes me and my dad laugh all the time. But it doesn't mean that my mom is not strict otherwise she is very strict when she gets mad. My mom has inspired me a lots by her advice and help me to I grow up after that.  
  
I think I'm changing my mind because I just remember the quote by Michael J. Fox, he has said:" Family is not an important thing. It's everything". That's totally right Family is everything it will always be there somewhere in your heart, always be there for you, help you to stand up after you fall and will be there for you wherever you are. So that why my family means the world to me and without them I would not be who I am today !