dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**It is necessary for parents to attend parenting training course to bring their children up. Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## attending parental courses

  
  
Parent's role is more crucial for their children because the children as the providing first education for children in order that many foundations make available parenting training course for parents. Some people argue it is important for parent to follow it to increase their children ability, Other however, think it is not really necessary. I personally believe that attend parenting training course is important.  
  
Some parents believe that attend parenting training course can disturb their job and just spend much money because they have had ability enough to take over their children. A 2008 parenting survey result that 78% parents ignored to attend parenting course which they though is not beneficial on both themselves and their children and more choice to do their job.  
  
Although those less benefit for some parents, attending parenting course can help parent to improve their knowledge about the right method for taking over children hence they can increase ability for their children. Hency, for example, who student that her parent always follow parenting training course and her parent always teach her, exhibit the good progress in school than the other student whose parent is less parenting training course. From this then I believe that it more crucial parent to follow course of parenting training.  
  
Taking into consideration, attending course of parenting training for parent is spending money and time but the parent can take many advantages for their children hence become a good person because of it more important for parents to follow it. I recommended that the parents who are too busy should re-schedule their routine so they can attend in parenting training course.
Syamsiah, I have to say your essay is quite confusing. In your thesis, you clearly state that the trend is important, but your body paragrph covers both sides. As parenting training is essential for parents, then the idea you concern should only focus on that position. Explaining the reasons of your position is a must. For example, I PERSONALLY ARGUE THAT THE PROGRAM IS IMPORTANT BECAUSE PARENTS ARE THE MOST CLOSEST PARTY FOR CHILDREN AND THEY OFTEN ARE INCAPABLE ENOUGH OF EDUCATING THEIR CHILDREN PROPERLY.  
  
Anyway to adjust your intro with the body paragraph, let me correct your thesis statement here.  
  
*This essay would argue that while parenting education only wastes beneficial time that the parents have, I am more likely to believe that the program is more essential as this will provide parents with best understanding of how to educate the children properly.* .
Topic: **Some people think international free-car days are an effective way of reducing air pollution, others think there are some other ways. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.**  
## long-term plans and solutions for clean environment

  
  
Air pollution has become an issue of broad interest to the general public. Some people believe international car-free days are essential in limiting air pollution level. Others claim that various different measures should be applied. As far as I am concerned, a variety of ways should come into effect rather than only car-free days are introduced.  
  
On the one hand, days without automobiles bring about certain benefits to the environment. As we all know, cars play a crucial part in residential life because people throughout the world utilize them on a daily basis. Automobiles are used as vehicles to commute to work and travel to schools and therefore play an indispensable role in daily life. Consequently, car-free days are applied in order to control the volume of cars on the streets. The aim of this practice is to decline carbon dioxide gas emitted excessively from cars. By prohibiting automobile use on some days, a huge amount of greenhouse gases are reduced and this way also encourages citizens to make use of public transport.  
  
On the other hand, I strongly believe there are much more effective solutions to tackle the air contamination. Authorities should launch environmental campaigns to raise citizens' awareness, changing people's behaviours. Knowledge from the programs can help individuals be more energy efficient on a regular basis such as flying less, using bicycles and buses. Another measure is governments can impose 'green taxes' on factories which pump pollutants into the atmosphere. This law can act as a deterrent to bar factories from releasing gases tremendously. It is obvious that international car-free days are a temporary plan because on the other days, residents will certainly utilize them again. Nevertheless, information dissemination and regulations are such long-term strategies that can be used to mitigate the air pollution level day by day.  
  
In conclusion, even though free-car days are beneficial, I agree with many long-term solutions. When educating local inhabitants or introducing strict laws to society, they will have permanent influences on people's awareness.
Hello, Tai. I will strictly give comment to the content of your essay.  
  
Your second paragraph doesn't really explain of how free-car days can reduce air pollution. I prefer you use facts such as how many people like to travel with private car rather than with public transportation. It will be quite straight-forward from there. A day without that amount of cars will certainly reduce air pollution. If you agree with the statement then you have to provide more benefits of free-car days such as introducing public transportation as an option to travel.  
  
On the third paragraph, you could mention what citizen can do to achieve clean environment like reducing the usage of plastic or any material which hard to decomposed, separating their garbage, and so on. In conclusion, you need more examples to explain the main idea of every paragraph to make it more solid.
Hi @Tai , I have read your writing deeply. As such, you have need a few improvement: First, if you wanna get a high score, you are supposed to show clearly what you will explain in the body paragraph. I meant you included the keywords of your perspective in your thesis statement. Then, pay attention on the way you compose each sentence in a proper way. It seems to me that there are several sentence with inappropriate structure then makes me confuse as a reader. For instance in the 1-2 sentences in paragraph 3. Moreover, it is good that you have to use several phrasal verb in this essay, because it will boost your score in lexical resource. Oh ya, pay attention on grammar and article using. I have found several mistakes on article using and preposition in your essay, for instance:  
  
Some people ~~believe~~ THAT international car-free days ~~are~~ essential in limiting air pollution level (This sentence is need conjunction because you put two verb in this sentence)
**A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your locality.**  
  
## controversial project

  
  
There are strong arguments in support of both points of views. Some people think that the factory near them located will have many risks. Other thinks that it will have only benefits for their commune. Who is it right? I think it's no easy discuss.  
  
But I have a clear position concerning this question. I think a building of a large factory near living area arranged it's no good idea. There are a number of reasons for this. First of all I believe that people should live in healthy and quite area. It's very important condition for long and happy live and many studies confirmed it.  
  
The same is true about a good ecology. Nearness of a big factory may lead to aggravation environmental conditions. The factory will break the calm and clear atmosphere of area by means of sound pollution, air pollution, water pollution etcetera.  
  
Nevertheless, of course, it have a few strong benefits. First, the workplaces will be created for many people. Second, people will not waste for long time to commute to work. But in our days, when majority working at home this benefits aren't so actuality.  
  
To sum up, a building of a large factory near living area have a strong risks. On the whole, risks are more strong than benefits.
hi Wilby  
  
I will give you some feedback  
  
I think it's no easy **(to)**discuss  
it ~~have~~**(has)**a few strong benefits (pay attention with subject and verb agreement)  
  
at home ~~this~~ **(these)** benefits  
  
abuilding of a large factory near living area ~~have~~  **(has)**  
  
risks are ~~more strong~~ (stronger)  
I think you should pay attention on your paragraphing, I think must add the evidence for your explanation because you paragraphing is lack information.
## Youngsters spend most of their time studying

  
  
It is undoubted that young people now have tendency to have little time and be under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies. There can be some vital causes of this alarming issue, which are education system. parent's expectation and future jobs as well.  
  
To begin with, the education systems in some countries are the main contributors to this problem. As we can easily see, students are judged their knowledge throughout a huge number of exams. It means that they have to study hard to pass exams with flying colours. Besides that, they also study many subjects varying from Math to Music. Clearly, the studying of these subjects accounts students a lot of time.  
  
Another cause is the parent's expectation. From parent's viewpoint, the harder children study, the more successful they are in both studying and their own lives. Thus, parents often put extra pressure on their child to fulfill their own expectation. For example, many parents are willing to force their child to register a lot of courses and not allow them to take part in any activities. Unluckily, the overexpectation just brings back more unexpected results than positive ones.  
  
The last cause to mention is the future jobs. Many people believe that having a good degree is the ticket to give a well-paid job, especially in today competitive environment. As a consequence, they put extra effort and spend most of their time studying.  
  
In conclusion, the young must have an all-round view about this problem. It is advised that both the young and society should alter their mind to elimate this negative problem as soon as possible.
hi maily  
  
I have read your essay and will give you some feed back  
  
I think you has given a clear overview but you should present your clear position throughout respond the essay question.  
  
*The last cause to mention is the future jobs. (...)*  
  
You should complete your explanation with evidence to make your essay more logically.  
also, try to use more connector device to make your essay coherence and cohesion.
**The diagram shows proposed changes to Foster Road.  
Write a 150-word report describing the proposed changes for a local committee.**  
  
## many alterations on the road as a result of its reconstruction

  
  
The diagrams give information about the proposal to change Foster Road between SE 84th and 85th avenue road before and after installation. Overall, it is interesting to notice that there will many alterations in Foster road after it reconstruction and the remarkable changes is provided trees along both of street side.  
  
At the beginning, before installation the street has a wide lanes car where two cars can run out consecutive in one direction. Furthermore, the side of street has just used for electricity installation.  
  
Moving to the second picture after installation, it can be seen that the lanes for car will be reduced and the both of side will become bicycle lanes. Moreover, in the end of the street will be provided new crossing for pedestrian near from gas station, in the middle of it will consist of traffic light. Likewise, planting trees will be provided in along both sides of the street.  
  
*
hay @syamsiahRahimmanca,  
there are several advice that can help you in finishing this essay. i know well the difficulties of this questions because there are a few changes and we have to make at least 150-word essay. You have to focus on detail change of the maps.  
  
these are several mistakes you did on this essay:  
*... information about the proposed change Foster Road ...*  
  
~~both of side~~ : *both sides of the road*  
*the side of street **is** just used for ...*
**the table below gives information on consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002.**  
  
## spending money for goods in europe

  
  
The table illustrates the percentage of three kind items (food, dresses, and education or entertainment) which were spent by consumers in Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden and Turkey in 2002. Overall, it is interesting to notice that, the leisure or education was the item which had the lowest spending money that consumers spent in those countries.  
  
According to the given data, the first item is food and tobaccos in five countries. The highest expenditure is Turkey is accounted 28.91% while the lowest is Sweden who just spent 15.77% on this item. Furthermore, For Clothing and footwear, People of All of those countries spent just between 5 and 9 % that Italian became the highest percentage to spent money on dresses item.  
  
The last item is expenditure in leisure activity and education by 5 different countries. Although Turkey spent just below 5% for this item, It become the highest expenditure and the least amount spent by Spain, It had accounted for 1.98%. However, the spending money for this item by all country less than 5% and become the lowest expenditure than the other items.  
  
*
hai @syamsiahRahim  
  
i really like you describe the table  
none figures are missing to be informs.  
but i don't really understand this sentence For Clothing and footwear, People of All of those countries spent just between 5 and 9 % that Italian became the highest percentage to spent money on dresses item you maybe can change like this manufacture products, overall obtain between 5 and 9 % while Italian consume the highest percentage on it  
  
you have very good on grammar i just found one mistake is It **become** the highest expenditure i should be becomes or became.  
  
excellence work miss @syamsiahRahim  
good luck for others task :)
@syamsiahRahim  
Your essay manage is going with well. Explaining data is solid,  
the overview I thought it is repetition in the last sentence:  
... had the lowest spending money ~~that consumers spent in those countries~~.  
  
I suggest you make it into emphasizing to show that it is very important.  
"The highest expenditure is Turkey" it is better if you said "Turkey is The highest expenditure".  
  
Pay more attention with capital letter  
People of ~~All~~ of those countries spent
HI @syamsiahRahim , here several suggestions for you to improve your writing, Firstly, i could say that your overview is quiet good, but it is not covered all the information. You may connected the kind of activities with the country which has the higher proportion in each activities. Then, turning to body paragraph, I think this essay is lack of cohesive and coherence, therefore, try to learn more how to use linking verb in approppriate way. it is important to boost your score on CC categories.
## Road changes connected with an installation process

  
  
The picture illustrates the Foster Road's alterations on both SE 84 th and 85 th avenue as the result of instalation process. At the first glance, it is immediately apparent that Foster road became more convenient by means of trees and road-arrangement facilities' existances.   
  
To begin with, Foster Road before the instalation consist of two main ways throughed by driver and separated into two path in opposite lane. Beside that, the road did not have any space for walkers to pass, so did the bicycle lanes. Furthermore, the road looks so warm because there is no plants neither on left nor right side of the way.  
  
Interestingly, a significant improvement witnessed on the road after the instalations. It can be seen obviously that there a lot of trees grown throughout the Foster Road's, makes the road become so greeny. In addition, the other changes show by the existance of pedestrian patway on both sides of road, so did the bicycle lane. Likewise, the new crossing road build beside the traffic lights.  
  
*
hay @Anhy chan  
i have several advice that may can help you to finish this essay. firstly, you have to pay more attention on your grammatical accuracy. make sure the question in before you write deeply. in my perspective, this sentence have t contain future tense because this is a propose alteration, so this maps is a proposal. furthermore, focus on using passive sentence, like you did in the third paragraph ~~'a significant improvement witnessed on the road after the installations'~~, make sure this sentence because if it is passive, there is no verb, and if it is active, the inappropriate tense may you did here.  
  
in addition, in your overview sentence, you must mention that the alteration is convenient for whom. it is because the car lane is narrowed down so that car drivers may lack of convenience.
Hi anhy ..  
  
I will give you some feedback  
avenue as the result of ~~instalation~~ (pay attention with your spelling)  
road-arrangement facilities' ~~existances~~ (existence) (you must not put "s" for existence because it noun Uncountable while it countable it should be singular)  
  
the instalation ~~consist~~ (consists) of two main ways  
  
there is ~~no~~ plants neither on left nor right side of the way. (if you use neither...nor in your sentence you do not need mention "no" because" neither...nor" has marked about it)  
  
the new crossing road build beside the traffic lights.(this sentence should be passive form)
## significant transformation of the Foster Road

  
  
The maps illustrates propose alteration of the Foster Road from SE4TH to 85TH Avenue. Overall, it is interesting to notice that the Foster Road will witness a significant transformation which is more safety for pedestrian and cyclist than before.  
  
First of all, the planner wants to expand the sidewalk in both sides of the road. Meanwhile, the care lane will be narrowed down because bicycle lane will be constructed in its both sides. This mean that the number of car is reduce in the road. The noticeable change of the road is also seen that it will be transformed from two-lined to three-lined road. Zebra cross will also be set up in the end of the road in front of the fuel station.  
  
In addition, to improve the convenience of the area, several trees will be planted in the north and south of the road. These trees will shade the pedestrian.  
  
*
Hi agus\_mono  
  
I will give you some feedback  
the ~~care~~ **(car)** lane will be narrowed down (pay attention with spelling)  
  
*This mean that the number of car is reduce in the road* (I think this is your individual perspective while in the writing task 1 you should mention data that is provided in the diagram)  
  
I think there also significant changes that you do not mention from the picture
## the scheme for bricks production

  
  
The diagram illustrates the steps of producing bricks from their raw materials. The process is started in digging the clay as the main composition and eventually culminated in bricks ready to be delivered for building industry.  
  
The first step is to dig the clay which next will be put on metal grid preparing to be rolled. After that, before going into the mould, the clay was mixed with sand and water. In the mould, the mixture was cut using wire cutter to shape the bricks properly. The next step is to put them in a drying oven. This step can take time up to two days.  
  
Following the previous step, now the bricks are put in a kiln, twice. The first chamber is in 200C to 980C, while the second is higher in 870C to 1300C. The third chamber is a cooling one. This chamber itself takes up from two until three days. After being heated and chilled, finally the bricks are ready for packaging. Eventually, when the packaging is done, the bricks are delivered to fulfill their destiny.  
  
*
## Kids engagement in some important tasks

  
  
Some children in this world have less responsibility than children in the past. In my opinion, I take this as a positive changes. The reason is because children are too young to suffer any responsibility instead of playing and learning.  
  
Many people think that the best age to learn is when we are young. It is like writing in a blank paper. Likewise learning to carry a burden such as responsibility towards family. As a member of a family, children should learn to take care each other since early age. Most people nowadays who still got each other backs are usually the family who have been taught to do so since they were a kids. It is because they are used to it.  
  
However, bring too much burden for children is not an ideal way for their development. As we know that young ages are the best range of time to learn, children should spend most of their time playing and learning, instead of taking too much responsibility which should belong to their parents, such as feeding their younger siblings everyday. Playing with each other or with their friends outside can improve their social and moral skills. Learning from books or experiences can improve their ideas and train them to think critically and creatively. Both of these skills are required for the next stage of their lives. That is why being free while learning and playing is important to children instead of having their parents responsibility on the other shoulder.  
  
To conclude, I strongly believe that it is a positive changes when children nowadays have less responsibility than they were in the past. Giving them space to learn and to grow is one of the best way to prepare them into their future.  
  
*
Besse, this draft is a good one based on the fact that you have shown a perfect understanding of the requirements of the prompt. Your current draft also have a great deal of cohesion as the examiner can grasp your thoughts without much stress. My only worry is in your inability to do a good paraphrase of the prompt. It is usually a good practice to employ synonyms where necessary so that you would not repeat the statements in the prompt you are trying to paraphrase. Consider my suggestion on what a good paraphrase should look like:  
  
'In certain places around the globe, kids are known to have less obligations unlike their counterparts in ancient times. While a school of thought view this as a laudable improvement, others think otherwise. However, in my opinion, I think it is an adjustment that should be embraced by the entire world because taking responsibility at an early stage in life would affect children's social and moral qualities at adult stages.'  
  
This is a humble suggestion. Notice that if were a student, my paragraph 2 and 3( as the case may be) would discuss in details taking responsibility at early stage would deteriorate the social and moral values of a child. After that, I would conclude my essay. Altogether, your current draft is good improvement on your previous practices and would earn you a score of at least 5. Ensure to proofread your essays after drafting to avoid typos and misplacement of punctuation.
Besse, Once analyzing your introduction it seems that your are failed to meet the the task achievement, You need to know that discussion essay consists of three tasks, which should be met. They are VIEW ONE saying the trend as the positive change, VIEW TWO arguing the trend is negative one and YOUR OWN OPINION. Because those components were not seen in your introduction paragraph, your essay is more similar with the AGREE AND DISAGREE essay, that are answered in DISCUSSION format. I strongly suggest you to analyze the difference between them, so that you will not be trapped at the same mistakes.  
  
Hope this will be worthwhile to improve your understanding of IELTS writing skills.  
Writing Lovers,  
:D