dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**EMAIL TO ORGANIZER ABOUT THE POTLUCK EVENT**  
  
**Last weekend you attended the Canada Day community picnic. The event was a potluck, so everyone brought a dish of food to share. Some people, including you, have allergies or can't eat some types of food, such as nuts and seafood, so you included a list of ingredients with your dish. No one else did this.**  
  
**Write an email to the community picnic organizer in about 150-200 words. Your email should do the following things:  
-Express your overall enjoyment of last week's event.  
-Explain why each potluck dish needs a list of ingredients.  
-Describe how the potluck could be differently organized next year.**  
  
  
Dear organizer,  
  
I would like to form my appreciation toward the success of the event last week in which I encountered a friendly community, enjoyed various dishes and enlarged my casual acquaintances. However, as far as I am concerned, people should have been aware of the ingredients in the potluck due to their allergies statement. What mentioned above is my purpose of writing this letter today to reach your noticed.  
  
It is necessary to indicate the list of ingredients in food to avoid an indirect incident. Few people, who participated in the picnic, including me, have sensitive reactions to nuts and seafood. It could lead to some symptoms such as itchy, red, watering eyes; swollen lips tongue, etc. that are possible elements to severe sicknesses. Those consequences could cause the dissatisfaction with the event.  
  
To lay an active picnic next year, I recommend stating a list of possible allergy components on the potluck to make an advisory for those who are potential to be sick before trying the food. The note should be written on a small piece of paper, connect with a stick like a decoration. That will not only make an alert but also bring attention to the people in the event.  
  
I am looking forward to hearing your feedback on my recommendation.  
  
Sincerely,  
Han Nguyen
Han, once again, your lack of familiarity with the English language has hindered your writing abilities in this letter. You are writing sentences that make no sense. Almost all of the text you have written is difficult to understand because you are using the wrong words in your writing. Your vocabulary is severely lacking when it comes to the English language which is why you cannot write coherent sentences at this point. Mistakes include:  
  
1. Form my appreciation- When you say "form" you mean creating or making. What you are saying there is that you are "making" an appreciation towards the event. What you want to say is that you want to "express" you appreciation. Express means to say something about a topic or event.  
  
2. Indirect incident - What are you talking about? An indirect incident is something like an accident indirectly caused by something at the event. The prompt already told you this is about allergic reactions and people with allergies. Why did you not use those terms instead? Keywords are always offered in these essays so you should learn to use them.  
  
3. Allergies statement - At a potluck, people bring food, they do not list allergens because it is not a requirement as these are not commercial food products. All you should have said was "People need to be aware of the ingredients in the potluck because of possible allergies or allergic reactions."  
  
4. Reach your noticed - You mean NOTICE. Use the present form. The action you are taking is currently ongoing.  
  
There are even more errors in your writing that need to be corrected. I chose to point out only a few of these because this letter is making my head hurt every time I read it. Please, download an English dictionary app and familiarize yourself with English words and their meanings. That way you can understand when and how to use English terms when writing letters. Your vocabulary needs a tremendous amount of work if I were to base your English writing skills on this essay.
Here some comment may help you:  
  
would like to form my appreciation Say to express  
in which no need for in here say just which without in  
allergenic statement ( condition better than statement  
paraphrase the sent.(It is necessary to indicate the list of ingredients in food to avoid an indirect incident)  
Those consequences could cause the dissatisfaction with the event( Here you can say By the end of these event people will not be satisfied )  
bring attention( Not bring Say take / Get)
## IELTS TASK 1 - LINE GRAPH

  
  
The line graph shows the Birth Rates and how it changed in two developed countries including the US and China from 1920 to 2000.  
  
It is clear that both countries saw a decline in their birth rates between 1920 and 2000. It is noticeable that the birth rates in China was almost lower than in the US over a period of 80 years.  
  
In 1920, the birth rates of China and the US was not significantly different, at approximately 10%. From 1920 to 1945, there was a plunge in both countries' fertility rates, while the birth rates in China hit a trough of 5% in 1940 and held steady for 5 years, the lowest fertility rates of America (5%) was in 1945. And 5% was also the lowest figure of Americans' birth rates throughout the 80-year period.  
  
By 1950, China's birth rates had reached a peak of 20% and since then, it dropped considerably and hit an all-time low of nearly 2 percent in 2000. This situation was similar to the US's fertility rates which increased to 15% in 1950 and declined gradually to roughly 7% for the rest of the period.  
  
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Tran, your analysis is a bit confusing to read. You need to focus on the clarity of the information you are presenting. For example, there are only 2 countries indicated in the presentation, China and the US. Therefore, it is a mistake on your part to say "including the US and China" because there are no other countries being mentioned in the chart.  
  
Your trending statement is incomplete. You need to indicate what lower birth rate China had at the end of the 80 year period. need to create a solid trending presentation for that paragraph that indicates the rate of decline in birth rate for China at the end of the period.  
  
Do not use connecting words to start a sentence. That is a basic writing rule in English. Your GRA score will be affected by the use of "And" as a sentence opener in the 3rd paragraph.  
  
This is a good effort but you need to do more work in order to develop a better analytical presentation in your succeeding work. Remember to outline the provided information in line with the prompt requirements before you write the analysis portion of the essay. Take about 5 minutes to study the data before you start writing so that you will have a clear idea of what and how you hope to present the information in your essay.
SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT ALL TEENAGERS SHOULD BE REQUIRED TO DO UNPAID WORK IN THEIR FREE TIME TO HELP THE LOCAL COMMUNITY. THEY BELIEVE THIS WOULD BENEFIT BOTH THE INDIVIDUAL TEENAGER AND SOCIETY AS A WHOLE.  
  
DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?  
  
## helping others not mandatory for teens

  
  
Many people argue that young people should be demanded to do social works in their leisure time to help the poor and disabled. While I accept that this view, I also believe that students should spend more time to study than taking part in social activities.  
  
On the other hand, I agree that young people should be encouraged to do social activities to help the elderly, the poor or contributing to protect the environment. When they participate in local activities such as cleaning rubbishes or looking after old people in nursing homes; as a result, They would learn some of valuable social skills, for example, communication skills and teamwork skills which would be useful for them to enter the labor market after graduation. Another benefit of helping others is that students have opportunities to apply for scholarships, for instance, some of full scholarships and partial scholarships require candidates' social experience. In terms of the profits for society, the government would reduce a part of the cost of caring for old people or protecting the environment.  
  
At the same time, I do not agree that youngster should be involved in social activities too much. Young people have under a lot of pressure from many subjects on an educational program; therefore, If they didn't have time to refresh themselves, they would be exhausted and suffered from various health problems. Students also need to spend more time to fulfill their courses that is very important to gain a good degree in order to find a well-paid job in the future.  
  
In conclusion, teenagers should focus on their study, and they may be a volunteer in spare times, but In my opinion helping others should not be mandatory for them.
Nguyen, you have discussed a totally different topic from the one provided in the original discussion. You have created your own prompt for discussion, which is known as a prompt deviation, which always results in a failing score during the actual test. The prompt deviation can be seen early on in your response presentation. See the comparison below:  
  
Discussion Question: DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?  
Response: While I accept that this view, I also believe that students should spend more time to study than taking part in social activities.  
  
The response is either you agree or disagree, not an opinion. You do not respond to the question at all within your discussion because this is supposed to be a single opinion (agree or disagree) discussion essay based on a personal opinion. It is not a "Discuss both points of view and give your opinion" essay. If it were, then that exact key phrase would have been indicated in the prompt instructions. As such, you have not followed the prompt requirements and therefore, cannot be scored in a passing manner for your work.  
  
Do not create your own discussion instructions. Always make sure to follow the instruction provided in the original prompt. If you are not sure that you have followed the prompt of you don't know how to discuss it, ask questions. Don't just write and pray you got it right, that is how you fail the test. You can also read the other Task 2 sample essays here before you continue with your own practice tests. Just so you will be more familiar with the discussion types and how to correctly respond to the instructions or questions provided in the original prompt.
## greenhouse gases impact on earth

  
  
The diagrams show the impact of greenhouse effect on the Earth's temperature. The first image mentions how the sun's heat radiation are distributed after they are generated. Not all of them can reach and warm the Earth. Nineteen per cent of the radiation are absorbed by atmosphere and clouds. Six per cent of them are scattered from the atmosphere and twenty per cent are scattered and reflected by clouds. The rest of the radiation (51 per cent) are absorbed by the Earth, which is the main factor warming the Earth. The next diagram show that how greenhouse gases effect the Earth. Heat is lost at night. Thank to the existence of the green house gases in atmosphere, the warmth of the earth is stable and heat makes Earth suitable for life. Its mechanism is that those gases trap the sun's heat. However, when more factories are built, they emit more greenhouse gases. The impact of this change is described in the third diagram. More greenhouse gases trap more heat. It increases the Earth's temperature.  
  
P/s: this is my first writing for describing a process in IELTs Writing Task 1. I don't know exactly how to deal with it. Hope to receive any of your comment and suggestion to make my writing become better. How much score do you think that this writing could get?  
  
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Hi Cao, Your essay quite has many basic mistakes. You must pay attention when using the word "are" or "is". You are wrong in recognizing the singular and plural as in this sentence "The next diagram show that", you have to add the "s" from the "show". Beside that there are many words should be recorded together like "greenhouse" and "percent". It is my personal opinion. Trying to learn vocabulary and apply it best, you will see the efficiency.
Hang, word count wise, you have more than enough words to pass the word criteria but format and presentation wise, you have a lot to learn. If you have the time, please look at the existing Task 1 writing samples on this forum. It will help you get a better idea as to how to properly format the paper, what you are expected to write, and the most effective analytical presentation for the image provided. It is because you lack the know-how of how to properly write the task 1 essay that I will not be scoring your essay for now. It is unfair to score your work when I know that you have yet to learn the rudiments of writing the task 1 essay. As of now, I will focus on helping you learn the proper format first.  
  
A Task 1 essay is written in a 4 paragraph format composed of the following:  
  
1. Summary overview  
2. Trending statement  
3. Analysis of the image  
4. Comparison of information  
  
The summary overview is composed of the discussion topic, type of discussion, image reference, and instruction statement. The trending statement may or may not be attached to this paragraph. The trending statement can be a stand alone sentence when required to help fulfill the 4 paragraph requirement.  
  
Basically, your discussion, as presented is good but not acceptable. There are 3 images being presented to you in the procedural illustration. Therefore, you need to have 3 separate paragraphs for each image, this will then create the 4 paragraph analytical essay presentation. Each image has a separate topic, so each topic needs a stand alone presentation. Your analysis is acceptable, but it gets confusing to read because it is mixed in with the other images and their accompanying explanations.  
  
In order to meet the coherence and cohesiveness requirements of the essay, you need to clearly explain each image using a 3-5 sentence format per paragraph. That way you not only meet the word count, but you also have enough space to better explain what the images are about and what the end results are. Right now, your presentation is a jumbled mess because the reader cannot keep track of what image refers to what, why, and how.  
  
Read the samples here. Those should help get your next practice essay on the right track.
this is the writing task 2 in Ielts exam. Hope to receive your comments  
  
## to make the best use of computers

  
  
Computers are often argued to be the most important invention of the last hundred years. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?  
  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  
  
In recent years, Computer became one thing may not lack. it meets people's demand not only for working and studying but also giving a hand to human's entertainment. Some hold the view that the computer is the most important creation of the last hundred years. While others are of the opinion that the computer may play the particular role in the natural lifer but it is not the best thing which people found out in the past. The purpose of this essay is to discuss and analyze the two views mentioned above in depth and give my own opinion.  
  
To begin with, it seems that the first view is not justified because of many reasons. Firstly, it is clear that computers cannot uses without energy. The energy in here is electric which is the resources people use nowadays. From that, we can see it is not the major invention. Besides that, we cannot ignore some kind of medicines which help people overcome many diseases and must not face the death. Let thinking, if they catch of major disease how can the survived to invent if they do not have the medicines for dealing with the troubles.  
  
As far as the second view is concerned, it seems that this view is much more convincing. Taking the electric was mention in the first view as a point to analyze for this view. At now at that time, electric always presence in human's life, electric are now used in all aspects of our life. Thanks to this power, people can do everything easier no matter where they live or how old they are is no longer a challenge. In addition, having many the inventions in the past make the life now become more modern such as vehicles, nuclear energy.  
  
To sum up, every single invention has the particular mission and play the individual role. In my opinion, no invention is more important. The thing important is how people can make the best use of with the things that they created.
Uyen, this essay will automatically fail in the actual test because you are not discussing it based on the given instructions. This is an extent essay. You are discussing a 2 point of view + personal opinion essay. Your TA score will be 1 because your response is totally unrelated to the task. To be clear, let me outline the mistake for you below:  
  
*Original Prompt Question: To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?  
  
Your Response: The purpose of this essay is to discuss and analyze the two views mentioned above in depth and give my own opinion.*  
  
The mistake can be clearly seen in the above comparison. The expected response is "I completely/totally/partially agree/disagree with this statement" or any variation of that presentation in terms of a response.  
  
Your coherence and cohesiveness along with your GRA score will also not be in the passing range as your C&C and GRA scores will be along the lines of a 3 because of the lack of an organized paragraph presentation. Your GRA score is the same because of your problems with sentence formation that create a problem for the reader when it comes to understanding what you are trying to say. The paragraphs have distorted meanings due to your lack of expertise in the use of English vocabulary. These all lead to an LR score of 3 as well. This score is based on your lack of control over word formation that end up delivering a confusing statement to the reader.  
  
Don't feel defeated. This is only the start of your road to improvement. This first assessment has helped us to figure out what your weak points are when it comes to task 2 essay writing. So you will know which aspects to improve upon when not writing practice tests. That way, you will be able to show an improvement when you present your second essay for review. I strongly suggest that you download apps that can help you with sentence structure and vocabulary exercises so that you can improve those problem points a bit before you write your next practice essay. That practice should help you develop a more improved presentation the next time around.
## a brand of coffee and bananas sold in Europe

  
  
**Question:**  
  
The tables below give information about sales of Fairtrade\*-labelled coffee and bananas in 1999 and 2004 in five European countries.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.  
  
**Answer:**  
  
The two tables provide the data about coffee and bananas sales in 1999 and in 2004 in millions of euros for five countries in Europe.  
  
According to the first table, UK had the biggest increase for coffee from 1999 to 2004 among the five given countries. The sales of coffee in UK in 1999 was 1.5 million euros and the amount increased to 20 million euros in 2000. The sales amount of Switzerland had been doubled in these five years( from 3 to 6 million). In Belgium, coffee sales in 2004 was 1.7 million euros whereas 1 million euros in 1999. There was a small increase of coffee sales in Denmark and in Sweden between these years.  
  
For bananas, Switzerland had highest demand for both these years and the demand had been up more than 3 times (15 in 1999 and 47 in 2004).UK had a huge growth of sales of bananas (5.5 times). In 1999, Belgium had only 0.6 million euros but it eventually reached to 4 million. But for other two countries, Sweden and Denmark, the sales amounts were downward and the demands became almost half in 2004 as compare to that of in 1999.  
  
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Falu, you have written way too many words for the allotted 20 minutes in this essay. Aim to write no more than 175 -200 words in order to allow yourself ample time to review, revise, and edit the content of your essay. While vocabulary counts in an IELTS essay test, reading and comprehension skills are what account for 50% of your actual score. So focusing in only one aspect of the scoring technique, which is only a low part of the scoring consideration will not help you much. A long essay will never qualify you for a passing score, regardless of vocabulary, if you prove you cannot follow simple English instructions.  
  
I believe that your summarization of the given information is accurate and shows a clear understanding of the prompt requirements, You gave comparisons of information from both tables, which is the most analysis that can be done for such a situation since your analysis is only as good and complete as the information you have been provided in the charts. Thee were no similar figures in any instance so I did not expect to find anything other than a report of the main features in a comparison format. You approached this essay from the proper perspective. You did a good job.  
  
That said, your essay does not have a specific trending statement indicated such as a consecutive increase or decrease in sales over the comparison period. I would have indicated an increasing trend for bananas, specifically in Switzerland and a an increase in coffee specifically in the UK over the given time frames. Aside from that missing statement, you have pretty much complete information. However, you should have presented a 4 paragraph format since this is a task 1 essay. The trending statement could have represented the 4th paragraph, placed anywhere within the page.
## Cambridge 13 - test 4 - writing part 1

  
  
I wrote the below essay under exam conditions, please help give me your comments!. Thanks a lot.  
  
The map compares the structure of university sports center at the present and after the innovation in the future. In general, the center will be expanded and re-built with more rooms and facilities while the central 25m pool remains the same.  
  
To the left of the central pool, the outdoor courts is planned to be replaced by a leisure pool which is connected with a changing room in the south. A sports shop will be also erected on the left of the changing room besides the reception area.  
  
Around the central pool the reception, the changing room and seating one will be unchanged except the gym room will be doubled in size. To the eastern side of seating area, the outdoor courts will be replaced by two dance studios and a sports hall. With a similar arrangment with the western side of the reception, on the eastern size a café shop and a changing room will be also constructed oppositely.  
  
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Le, this 4 paragraph essay should have been presented in the following manner:  
  
1. Summary overview with trending statement  
2. Present description  
3. Future Plans  
4. Comparative changes  
  
it is because you did not do a proper present description paragraph then the complete future changes plans before presenting the comparative changes that your essay fell short of the 4 paragraph format. Why the 4 paragraph format? As you can see from the outline I created above, the highest scoring potential for your essay will only come if you actually complete the instructions provided which are: Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. By using the above outline you would have been able to properly accomplish the task.  
  
That is the reason why even though you wrote 161 words, the descriptive essay is still lacking some important presentations. You only succeeded in describing the drawing, but not really analyzing the presentation for descriptive purposes.