dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Discuss both views and give an opinion. That is the instruction provided for writing this essay. While the writer presented both public opinions in imperfect, but understandable English. The discussion basis provided is a deviation from the original. The writer decided to simply "discuss both schools of thought " rather than discuss both public opinions and then present a personal note.The essay is now based on the writer's take on the points of viecar instead of the public opinion third person pronoun comparative discussions, based on the provided opinion, prior to the personal analysis.  
  
The personal opinion cannot receive a proper score as it was integrated into what should have been the concluding summary. Itis not considered a part of that paragraph as the personal insight needs to be fully explained in a properly developed 3rd paragraph. The conclusion should only repeat the salient discussion points.  
  
The English grammar and sentence writing needs more work. The student should learn to properly use English words as the lerical reference in this essay shows obvious dictionary use aimed at scoring high in the LR section. The problem is, not all the words chosen for use suit the sentence presentation. The writer neck to become familiar with more everyday English words so he can write more natural sounding discussion essays.
The title of the essay is incorrect. It should be replaced with a title that focuses on the actual discussion which is same sex marriage. The introduction is a credible thesis statement in relation to the R O C law that was passed. The paragraph should also be edited to divide it into 2 paragraphs. One thesis statement and an opening discussion paragraph that kicks off the discussion proper. The essay is difficult to follow in this current format.  
  
The discussion of the same sex marriage struggle lacks supporting and duly cited information. While the author is clearly writing from the heart, the supporting text with evidence is needed to truly convince the reader.  
  
The essay deals with a provocative and controversial topic. Luckily , the writer was able to avoid that format in this presentation. It follows an otherwise logical and acceptably discussed topic.
## the negative impact of Social networking sites

  
  
It is widely argued that social networking sites have enormously detrimental effects not only on each person but also on the whole community. To a certain extent, I agree with this statement. However, I also believe that social media has certain positive impacts on both individuals and society.  
  
On the one hand, I would agree that the use of social networking sites makes people become passive and more likely to lose their communication skills in society. In other words, individuals who always keep themselves in rooms for many hours and spend most of their time surfing the webs, chatting with their friends or maybe strangers, etc. This leads to the fact that such people gradually become more silent and isolate themselves from their families. In addition, most children who have phones on their own often stay home instead of going outside to play outdoor activities, such as soccer, swimming, jogging, and so on. These children can easily become passive and if this takes long, they can get depression.  
  
On the other hand, I also think that mass media is means of communication which helps people contact each other more easily regardless of distance. It means that social networking sites create advantageous conditions for individuals to keep in touch with each other without concerning where they are. For example, when you have far relatives who are very difficult to meet, through social media, you can have a talk with them, see their faces and know what are they doing. This thing is very beneficial for human beings, especially overseas students who can not get together with their parents because of studying.  
  
In conclusion, while social media have intensively harmful to each individual and association. I believe that using social networking sites has positive effects either. If they know how to use it efficiently and reasonably, it will bring them a lot of great benefits.
This essay asks "to what extent do you agree or disagree?" That means only one opinion in relation to the question will be accepted by the examiner. The writer cannot agree with both opinions. As the TA score is partially based on the clarity of the writer's opinion, this essay will receive a failing score automatically due to the writer stating support for both, when there is clearly a single opinion requirement.  
  
There is true uncertainty presented on the side of the writer that will guarantee this essay will fail. The discussion format is incorrect as it does not use the single opinion format as required. This was never implied as being a comparative opinion presentation. Not a single paragraph can receive even a partial scoring based on the proper (prompt relevant) opinion of the writer because he failed to provide one at the start and throughout the essay. The essay failed because the writer misunderstood the discussion instructions.
## WRITING TASK 1: INTERNET USERS AS PERCENTAGE OF POPULATION

  
  
The line graph describes the proportion of the population who used the internet in three countries of America in the ten-year period, started at 1999.  
Overall, the internet was spreading its popularity from time to time in both three countries. Additionally, Canada was the country with the highest internet users at the end of the period.  
  
In the details, the figure for the USA's internet users was the highest, with 20% of the population using the internet in 1999, after that the figure for it increased dramatically to 80% in 2009. A similar pattern was witnessed in the USA, the percentage of USA's citizens using the internet increased significantly from 10% in 1999 to nearly 100% in 2009. The USA bypassed the other countries, became the nation using the internet the most.  
  
A noticeable feature worth mentioning is that the speed of spread of the internet in Mexico was lower compared with that of the USA and that of Canada. The number of Internet users in Mexico rose from 5% in 1999 to 40% in 2009.  
  
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The writer needs to consult a world globe or map of the world. He misinformed the reader by saying that the line graph is composed of   
  
three countries of America  
. America is a seperate and sovereign country. Canada and Mexico are seperate countries as well. The TA section is affected by this misinformation. The ten-year period should be numerically indicated as well from the start to end year (e.g. 1999 to 2009).  
  
It is strange that the writer referred to "other countries " in the second paragraph when he mistakenly referred to the same as " three countries" of America in the first paragraph. The writer ofviously failed to proofread his work prior to considering it completed. The information presentation meets the word requirement and provides an acceptable comparison presentation. It is the confusion about the B rations that presented a problem for the most part.
**Question:  
*Many animals are becoming extinct due to human activities on land and in the sea.***  
## What are the reasons and solutions?

  
  
Many animals both on land and in the sea are being brought to the verge of extinction due to human activities. In this essay, I will discuss various reasons behind this trend, and present some solutions.  
  
There are human factors instigating the increasing extinction of animals on land and in the sea. On the one hand, the natural habitat of many terrestrial animals has been lost due to deforestation, a trend that leaves these species with no place to live, feed, or reproduce, indirectly resulting in their death. Moreover, land animals are vulnerable to rampant hunting, which is to blame for the deaths of many species. On the other hand, fish exploitation is threatening marine life. Humans are overfishing to an extent that gives fish inadequate time to reproduce, thus significantly reducing the population in an area. Furthermore, human-induced disasters, particularly oil spills, have polluted huge areas in the ocean, causing the deaths of thousands of species.  
  
In order to tackle this problem, the responsibilities lay on the government. For terrestrial animals, measures that focus on high-rise buildings in urban planning can accommodate a large number of people, removing the need for deforestation to build residential areas. Besides, when a life sentence for poaching comes into practice, it can act as a strong deterrent to poachers, preventing their mass killing of animals. For marine lives, the government can fund fishers to help them integrate aquaculture into their work so as to reduce exploiting ocean fish. In addition, to address human-induced catastrophes, the government should implement more regulations on operation to lower the risks of human-caused errors.  
  
In conclusion, the increasing extinction of many animals on land and in the sea is due to numerous human activities. To halt this trend, the government must take action.  
  
295 words.
The first paragraph will receive a failing TA score because it is using a majority of cut and paste / memorized words and references from the original. There is evidence of little developed English vocabulary in relation to synonym usage in the presentation. 2 sections of scoring are affected: TA and LR.  
  
The use of "on the one hand" and "on the other hand" is out of place in the second paragraph. These are not the proper transition phrases to use. The error shows a lack of proper sentence and paragraph development skill in relation to C + C scoring needs.  
  
In the solutions paragraph, the third proposal is not as equally developed as the first two. This is the reason that will pull down the score for the C + C even further. All examples must be properly explained and developed. 2 solution presentations are always the best way to go when multiple solutioms are required as these allow for cohesive and coherent explanation development.
## opinion about dangerous activities

  
  
It is a common belief that extreme sports should be prohibited by the authorities,while other people claim that individuals should be given more liberty to participate in any physical activity and sport .From my perspective,I firmly believe that people should have the right to enjoy such sport as they want.  
  
On the one hand,the principal reasons in favour of a ban on hazardous sports is that such activities are usually accompanied by a high chance of serious injury or death.The extreme sports'players might become disabled for the rest of their life or even get killed.A racer,for instance,is always participate in hazardous race or perform the incredible skills which may endanger their physical.Furthermore,various dangerous activities such as boxing represent violence which can deteriorate viewers'mentality.Thus,these sports'viewers,particularly adolescents,would have the a mental aberration and do the improper behaviours.  
  
On the other hand,although numerous repercussions that extreme sports can bring,such sports should not be forbidden as players are likely to derive benefits from them.First and foremost,people at various age are usually captivated by the risky because them effectively help the players to relieve stress.This is because extreme sports can bring invigorating experience for players.For example, climbing enthusiasts would have delighted feeling when they reach the pinnacle of the mountain which is the amazing feat in their life.Secondly,people who participate in these activities have to undertake rigorous training to ensure that they have enough experience to take up these hazardous sports.Therefore,the accident rate would significantly reduce.  
  
In conclusion,although extreme sports may be detrimental to the players,they are indispensable in the life.I totally think that people should have the right to take part in any sport they want.
The essay uses a 3 reasoning format presentation. Explain the public opinion based on publicly known reasons. Refer to the group belief based on group pronouns to indicate that the writer is analyzing the validity of the opinion as a part of his personal opinion developement.  
  
The paragraph may start with " I understand that those in support of (opinion) do so because they believe ... " Thus removing the personal opinion reference of the writer, making the paragraph focus on the public discussion. The 3rd paragraph may use personal 1st person references to the personal insight of the writer.  
  
This essay lacks opinion separation as it appears to represent 2 discussion points of the writer rather than 2 public opinions with a personal insight provided. The comparative essay format was not properly used in the presentation. This is should be a 3 comparison points essay discussion.  
  
The writer is improperly using an apostrophe throughout the essay, Further review of proper punctuation usage, overall is needed.
***Buying things on the internet such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular.***  
## Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?

  
  
With the development of technology, online purchasing has been widely used globally such as buying books, air tickets and groceries. Although this trend comprises of negative impacts, there are still more reasons how worthwhile shopping online is for the individuals.  
  
Buying goods online does not give us the proper security. There are various issues arising every day in regards to hacking buyer's bank accounts and scamming them using fraud stores online in which sellers do not ship the goods after paying the order. Another reason is the product's quality and size. Sellers post attractive pictures of the products such as clothings, in order to persuade people from buying them. This easily catches people's attention but when they receive them, these are totally different from the pictures showed and their size can be larger or smaller as buyers do not have the chance to fit them.  
  
However, the preference of people from buying on the internet has remained unchanged mainly because of the feeling of convenience they get from it. It is true that people nowadays are getting busier and busier, without having so much time for shopping. As a result, they use their time wisely by visiting a website and clicking the items they want to purchase. Also, the condition of traffic on the road will definitely be better. More to that, in this time of pandemic, it is unsafe to move around in public places, hence, this method of buying immensely avoids people from going out and greatly helps the government in monitoring the cases of the country.  
  
To conclude, it is unavoidable that some things go wrong when people buy things online, however, its drawbacks are not as much as the benefits people get from online purchasing.
The second paragraph is misplaced in the discussion. The point of this discussion is to prove that a commonly believed disadvantage is really an advantage. This must be proven twice. One evidence for each paragraph. The format is:  
  
Sentence 1- disadvantage  
sentence 2- perception error  
Sentence 3- Actual advantage of the disadvantage  
Sentence 4 - Example  
sentence 5- Additional explanation  
  
The first paragraph will not help the score since it is an unrelated reason. The second reasoning paragraph is relevant but not fully explained. The provided reasons do not work without proper explanation development. It will not recieve a passing TA score. The presentation lacks focused reasoning development because the writer failed to use a proper format for explanation build-up per topic. Had the reasons in the 2nd reasoning paragraph been properly explained as 2 topic paragraphs, this would have been a high scoring essay.
## **The use of mobile phones should be banned in public places like libraries and shops.To what extent do you agree or disagree?**

  
  
It seems unequivocal that mobile phones have become an inextricable part of our modern world bringing humans both benefits and drawbacks. Opinions differ as to whether or not those gadgets should be allowed in public places. From my point of view, due to some unprecedented emergencies, we cannot prohibit using cell phones in public places as long as they do not cause any disruptions.  
  
To some extent, I agree about banning phones in some specific places due to the fact that cell phones can be potentially disruptive and harmful. In a library where concentration is highly required, a mere and pop-up sound easily catches others' attention, in the end, turning out to be an unacceptable disturbance. It is the chief reason that leads to the enforcement of many rules and regulations against calling or voice message in almost libraries. Another point worth mentioning is the negative effects exerted by cellphone radiation. If a patient is exposed to the phone's radiation when he is under treatment, indisputably it will exacerbate his health problems.  
  
Apart from the aforementioned areas, when used rationally and judiciously in public places, phones are greatly beneficial. Officers conveniently tackle any job-related problems which are required to be carried out instantly. A manager, for example, effortlessly makes a phone call to get access to all the information about his business. Furthermore, a smartphone can provide solace during tedious periods of daily commute, or in case of emergency, such as accidents, urgent calls are much-needed. For all of those reasons, using phone in public places is further facilitating our lives, which goes against the act of banning them.  
  
Personally I believe the positives of using cellphones in public places prevail the negatives in this case. Provided that phones are used with cautious and respectful manners, the use of phone should be welcomed and embraced anywhere.  
  
***Hope you can give me feedback. Thank you and best regards!***
The writers version of the given topic along with an opinion response should not be more than 2 sentences when no reason for the topic is given. The first sentence in this presentation does not represent any part of the required discussion as it represents an unsolicited opinion. The extent, response is part of the expected format in the first paragraph. It is never placed in the second paragraph since the next 2 paragraphs are used for opinion defense. The paragraph will suffer several deductions due to the indicated mistakes. The good discussion defense basis was wasted due to the response format mistake.  
  
The reasoning paragraph does not justify any unprecedented emergencies, which should have been used as the reasoning defense. The reasoning paragraphs are not properly connected nor justified by the provided reason basis. The response is therefore unacceptable and in error. The opinion specifically states "unprecedented emergencies" of which the reasons presented do not support any.
## **In education and employment, some people work hard than others.**

  
*Why do some people work hard? Is it always a good thing to work hard?*  
  
These days, it is undeniable that some people are extremely studious and workaholic while others prefer not to exceed a certain limit. There are myriads of reasons for those attitudes to work and in my opinion, having a passion for work is estimable, whereas a hectic schedule of work would lead to some demerits.  
  
There are three main causes encouraging people to work hard. Some people work extra shifts to receive a higher salary. They believe that they could earn a better living with more money and buy comforts for themselves and their families. Moreover, being hard-working could increase their chance of getting promotions and recognition, which is very beneficial to their career paths. Additionally, there are people passionate about their careers and work. They could work without paying any attention to the passing time to earn higher social status.  
  
However, working hard could bring some adverse results. To begin with, people doing extra shifts, especially night shifts, could be under work pressure, so they are more likely to commit mistakes. As a result, they would make a huge loss to their company and be dismissed from their jobs. In addition, people would not have enough time for their families and friends if they spend all their days at work. Consequently, arguments could arise between partners in their relationships. Moreover, they do not give time to take care of themselves due to hectic working schedules, so physical and mental health problems such as stress would ensue.  
  
In conclusion, working hard allows people to achieve their career goals and earn a better living. Nevertheless, it would be a risk worth taking if people work without caring about their health and their families.
Providing direct topic responses to the provided questions will result in a higher TA score. This is because direct responses, based on topic presentations (not discussions yet) will result in a clearer opinion statement. That is one of the main scoring considerations that needs to be met.  
  
Both paragraphs are responsive to the discussion questions. The evidences are related and create understandable explanations. The writer may want to consider less reasons in favor of 2 reasons only next time.That is to allow better connected explanations and examples to help meet the C + C considerations. While the reasons are good and connected, a clearer explanation and example combining the reasons would have been the best presentation format.
## Task 1: The chart below shows literacy rates in several different countries around the world.

  
  
The table compares literacy rates for the adult population who are at least 15 years old, both the female and the male in four different countries and the world as a whole.  
  
It is clear that the percentage of male literacy is higher than that of female rate. Overall, the total proportion of people who know how to read and write in the world is 82%. The number of literacy people in Country D is highest, while country A has the smallest literacy rate.  
  
Two countries having literacy rates higher than the world rate are Country D and Country C. Country D is the only nation to have the same rate for both the male and the female populations. This country also has the largest literacy rate, almost 100%. The figure for Country C is slightly lower, at 90,3%.  
  
By contrast, the country with the highest total number of people who don't know how to write and read is country A, about 52% of the total population. Especially, the female literacy rate is twice as large as that of the female people in this country. In terms of Country B, 50% of the total population know how to write and read, whereas the difference between the male rate and the female rate is very large. The male rate (70,5%) is more twice as much as that of the female (30%).  
  
*To all who clicked into this page, this is my first attempt to practice IELTS writing test. I'm still learning and practicing to fulfill my goal. Thanks for your advice <3*  
  
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The word count is too much for a Task 1 reporting essay. The overall essay, as written, would take about 40 minutes to write. That presents a problem when the writing time provided is only 20 minutes for this task. The essay is meant to bea summary report of the main and comparative features of the chart. An analysis is unnecessary as a personal opinion is not required for this part of the witten test.  
  
The summary portion is to be presentend in at least 2 sentences, 3 being ideal. The presentation is a run. on sentence, indicating an early scoring decduction for the examinee. It is difficult to keep track of the compressed information as there are no pause points to allow the leader to understand the essence of the sentence.  
  
The countries are provided in alphabetical order.The comparisons should be done by pair as well (A&B, C&D ). Develop a quick analysis writing style. Completely report and analyze within 175-200 words. Avoid mentioning an actual measurement in the trending statement. Those should always be integrated into the report paragraphs.