dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
You come in with a strong, although a bit grammatically incorrect (in the first sentence) prompt restatement and thesis statement. You have provided a clear opinion with regards to the causes and possible solution to the issue. You will definitely get a passing TA score because of the easily understandable and well- directed responses.  
  
~~parents' care~~  
The correct term, in reference to the preceding presentation, is " attention " and / or "supervision ".  
  
teenagers raised in slums ~~are~~ inclined to bullyin  
..slums BEING inclined to...  
  
paramount ~~of importance~~  
Improper grammar. The proper presentation is : ... of paramount importance... This is a GRA and LR error.  
  
psychological activities  
Don't overcomplicate the discussion. Who should be in charge of this ? Teachers or parents ? Use simple responses that will not require a topic deviation to further discuss.  
  
More emphasis should also be placed on what content that exposed to them  
Because? Why? Whose responsibility ? Too much deviated explanations are involved which complicate the discussion Your presentation was off to a good start but, you seem to be losing control with regards to cohesiveness and coherence. Keep it simple to get a better score. Don't over-analyze. Simple discussions and opinions based on personal experience/s would have sufficed This is starting to sound like a thoroughly researched paper which cannot be done during the actual test.  
  
The essay is good and meets the scoring requirements but, may have some LR, GRA, and C + C scoring issues that will hold back the final score.
## The crime rate is rising

  
  
In this day and age, crime is one of the major issues that all countries have been facing. Given its serious consequences, how to effectively control the rising crime rate has been a much debated topic. While it is believed that it is impossible to prevent illegal acts in daily life, I completely disagree with this opinion because there are still several feasible solutions to this.  
  
Firstly, understanding the motivators of crime is of great importance in order to remedy the situation. It is obvious that nobody was born a criminal and illegal acts are ascribed to a host of reasons, among which poverty is the most predominant one. To be more specific, the rate of unemployment in Afghanistan is exponentially increasing, which results in a large number of people resorting to illegal acts in an attempt to make ends meet. Hence, it is imperative that the social welfare ensure the basic needs of civilians and offer the poor free vocational training so that they could be able to seek relevant jobs after the courses. As joblessness is effectively rectified, people are less likely to commit crime.  
  
Secondly, in order to address the growing crime rate, the government should impose stricter rules in tandem with proper education. For instance, the president of the Philippines, Duterte has successfully reduced the number of people taking drugs in the country by well over 50% in only 3 years by administering drastic measures. In addition, families should also be responsible for educating children to prevent them from breaking the law. It is shown that children who dropped out of school or experienced unhappy family life tend to commit crime more than usual because they could not get timely guidance. Therefore, parents should spend more time in monitoring children's study carefully and make sure they are not suffering from mentally illness.  
  
In conclusion, while many people claim that nothing could be done to reduce the crime rate, I contend that a multitude of approaches to this still exist. By understanding the roots of crime to find viable solutions and implementing heavier rules and education, the crime situation could be significantly improved .
much debated  
Actually, based on the original prompt, the proper term should be " much discussed" as there is no evidence of arguments - ensuing based on the topic as provided. This is a case of incorrect LR usage.  
  
Good job on the integrated question response and thisis statement. While the solutions could have been more direct, it still offers a clear discussion path going forward.  
  
Afghanistan  
Philippines  
While this shows that you have excellent knowledge of international current events and public knowledge, a reference to how this problem is dealt with in your home country of Vietnam would have been far score increasing. You needed only 1 international reference to prove your point on an international scale.  
  
I contend  
Repeat the strength of your belief to create a more appropriate reverse summary.  
  
Overall, you did a pretty good job analysing and discussing the topic with negligible errors. You just may pass the test based on this writing. a word of caution though, don't write more than 300 words. short but clear is better scored than length with little developed explanations per reason.
## report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

  
  
The diagram illustrates the process of manufacturing chocolate. Overall, there are a total of 10 stages and this is a man-made process. Beginning with the growing of the pods on the cacao tree in S.America, Africa, Indonesia to pressing inner part of the beans resulting in liquid chocolate.  
  
Firstly, the process commences when the ripe cocoa beans after growing in regions with a tropical climate, which harvested on cacao tree. Upon being harvested, the pods have their skin removed so that the white cacao can be collected. The beans are thereafter fermented then they are dehydrated by being the spread under the sunshine and packaged in large sacks.  
  
The process continues when these sacks are delivered by train or lorry to the factory. In the factory, the beans undergo a roasting stage. Following that they are sent to a machine for classifying, the beans crushed and the outer shell is taken away. Finally, the part to be crushed goes through a press with two roller to produce liquid chocolate.  
  
*
stages and this is a man-made process  
Use the word "man made" in reference to its noun form for grammar accuracy. Indicate "in this man..." instead rather than the connecting word "and" to create sentence clarity.  
  
on the cacao tree in S.America, Africa, Indonesia  
For clarity and information separation indicate these as " ... ' cacao trees from the countries of..."  
  
Indonesia to  
missing a comma to indicate information separation.  
  
~~in regions with a tropical climate~~  
Added information not found in the procedure. This is unnecessary and will not increase your score.  
  
~~Following that they are sent to a machine for classifying,~~   
Invalid information. This illustration is not found in the drawing. These types of errors will affect your TA score.  
  
Your main errors relate to GRA and task accuracy presentations. You have a tendency to make up information along the way. While you may think you are filling in the blanks, the reality is, your score will be based on actual provided information. Any inserted information will be seen as misleading the reader and will lower your TA and C + C score.
## An average British family and number of cars

  
  
The line graph illustrious the proportion of car possessed by British household over the period from 1971 to 2007.  
It is clear that the figure on all three sides varied consistently. The number of families owned one car and two or more cars were prefer. Meanwhile, the opposite was true for that of no car.  
  
At the beginning of the period, majority of residents tended to favourite other transports without car which stood at over 50%. In 2005, the figures for one car ownership peaked at around 55%, while that of no car experienced a dramatical decrease to 35%.At the same time, the percentage of two or more cars fluctuated steadily about 15%.  
  
In 2015, there was a significant deline of over 23% in the proportion one car. The opposite parttern can be seen two or more car ownership. From 2015 onwards, the trending of not using using car of households went down considerably at stood at 15%, compared to that of one car and two or more cars possession were close behind at roughly 40% at the end of the period.  
  
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illustrious  
Lexical resource error. Consider the word meaning difference between illustrious and illustrates :  
  
Illustrious - highly distinguished; renowned; famous  
Illustrates - to furnish (a book, magazine, etc.) with drawings, pictures, or other artwork intended for explanation, elucidation, or adornment.  
  
As you can see, you had a word choice error that would impact your vocabulary score. Since you are an ESL user, your dictionary should be your best friend. Always look up the word meaning while you can to be sure you are using the correct refence. Build your vocabulary now while you are practicing because these costly errors will affect your final score.  
  
two or more cars were prefer.  
Sentence clarity problem. Your sentence structures become incorrect due to your lack of vocabulary proficiency. These are errors that should be addressed by your English language teacher through sentence building exercises. In this case it is the usage of the word "preferred" that caused the mistake.
@ho chu diem my  
You should replace "illustrious" with "illustrates" or "shows"  
"The number of families owned one car and two or more cars were prefer." I think there are problems with this sentence. The meaning is not clear, you should replace "owned" with "owning" and replace "were prefer" with "increased" or "showed an upward trend", for example.  
  
"majority of residents tended to favourite ...". This sentence is not clear, too. You have problems with grammar.  
  
"the figures for one car ownership ...". Replacing "the figures" with "the figure" or "figures for"  
All in all, you are quite good at analyzing the graph, but your biggest problem is grammar and vocabulary.
***Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.  
  
## Discuss both these view and give your own opinion***  
  
The responsibility of adults is how to teach children to be good citizens of society. While others suppose that children are taught at school, which educates children to be good members of the community. Nevertheless, I strongly believe that parents can teach children to be good citizens.  
  
Firstly, schools are admitted that have a standard educational curriculum. So that their educational procedure in instructing children is thorough and wide knowledge Also, it bases on the abundant experiment of teachers. Secondly, teachers in school are more tough and strict with their students. Because teachers have no blood relation with their students so they will not pamper children too much. In addition, they are willing to use forceful measures in order to help children recognize children's fallibility.  
  
On the other hand, parents are the closest people beside their children. Thus, children are being affected by every action and speech throughout children's adulthood so that parents can teach children the right things in children's own life easily. For instance, they have relevant teaching methods with their children because of understanding children's personality. Moreover, parents who are experienced people can instruct children best. The reason for that is parental love, which leads them to always hope and teach their children to avoid mistakes in parent's past.  
  
In conclusion, I think that parents are always the people nearby and proficient adults who educate children to be good citizens in the future.
The responsibility of adults  
Not adults. It is the responsibility of parents. Adults is the incorrect synonym to use. By the way. you cannotstate this as a fact because it is presented asan opinion of one group in the prompt. Your version should reflect that.  
  
can teach  
Not can teach but should teach. You are basically responding to the question," Who is responsible?".  
  
abundant experiment  
Word usage error.Did you mean experience instead ? There is no connection between the topic, teacher, and experiments.  
  
You failed to explain why teachers cannot appropriately teach their students to be good citizens. The reasons you gave indicate why they can do it, not why they will fail to do it. Unless you can explain why the reasons you presented make the lessons impossible, your opinion becomes unclear to the reader.
Hi! I would like to have some feedbacks on your writing.  
The first thing, I agree with Holt that you didn't make your position clear, especially in your conclusion.  
Secondly, you should have increased your word count further. You will get a penalty for not meeting the requirements because you wrote only 236 words. I'm afraid that your score will be affected severely.  
  
Thirdly, "~~a standard educational curriculum"~~ is not in the right order. It should have been "educational curriculum standards" or "standardized educational curriculum"  
Finally, a topic sentence for each body is necessary to introduce the main idea of the paragraph. Although not strictly necessary, but the easiest way to improve your C&C score.
## Not welcomed mobile phones

  
  
As technology progresses, virtually everyone nowadays possesses at least one mobile phone because it could facilitate our lives in many ways. Thus, the utilization of it is not confined in our own houses but rather in many public spaces such as libraries, shops, and public transport. Although many believe that there should be no restriction for using phones in such places, I would contend that the places in question are not appropriate for phone-using.  
  
Firstly, there are several merits which utilizing phones in public spaces could bring to us. If a person, for example, travels to a foreign country, where they do not know about its road infrastructure, their phones will be of great help because they could search for directions, roads, addresses as well as destinations they want to reach owing to the GPS. Thus, the incidence of people becoming disoriented when traveling would reduce significantly. Moreover, there is always a demand for emergency contacts. If people are not allowed to use their phones in public areas, there will be no other modalities for them to contact in such urgent situations.  
  
On the other hand, I think that phones should be strictly prohibited in public spaces such as libraries, shops, and public transport because it could pose many problems not only for the owners but also for their surrounding people. In libraries, for example, which is a place where quietness is highly respected, if people are allowed to use their phones freely, there will be several noises generating from notifications, phone ringing. These sounds might irritate and distract many people, especially when they are studying, and concentration is required. Therefore, the library would lose its unique feature, which people usually seek when they go to such places. Furthermore, using phones in public spaces could breed robberies. When a phone, for instance, is top-notch and well-designed, it is likely to grasp a lot of attention, and it would be an optimal target for petty crime to take place.  
  
In conclusion, although some people believe that they should be able to use their mobile phones wherever they want given its helpful applications, I am of the opinion that mobile phones should be prohibited in several public spaces for safety purposes as well as the disturbances it could cause to other people.  
  
-> I hope to receive some useful pointers from you, and also hope you to give a possible mark I can get with this essay in the real IELTS exam. Thank you very much in advance.
I would contend ... for phone-using.  
Follow up this statement with your measured agreement to complete the response presentation. Your strong disagreement (Hint) response is all that is missing to help you make this a well scoring TA presentation.  
  
there are several merits  
Don't confuse the discussion. Focus on 2 reasons that support your opinion. You will not receive any points for discussions that do not apply to the strengthening of your previous opinion. Focus on the demerits only. You can only present a merit if you will be discrediting it in the paragraph it is included in.  
  
I think  
You are discrediting your own opinion which means your opinion is now unclear, resulting in deducted TA points. Words of certainty must always be attached to your opinion.  
  
\* Limited review provided. Contact me privately for a scoring review.
***There are social, medical and technical problems associated with the use of mobile phones.  
  
What forms do they take?***  
  
## Do you agree the problems of mobile phones outweigh the benefits?

  
  
Over the past decades, technology has, generally, improved and got greater access to humankind than before. While the mobile phone is considered one of those most significant and useful innovations in the information age, varying people argue how people have been using phones recently can result in considerable drawbacks. This essay will point out various forms of those major issues and express the author's opinion.  
  
Without a doubt, many substantial problems in terms of society, health and technology can be caused by mobile phones. To be specific, phones are popularly viewed as a primary means of communication due to their varying helpful features, which contributes to modern worsening society interaction such as forgetting how to talk with real humans. Furthermore, varied serious mental and psychological issues associated with modern users, for instance, poor eyesight, stressfulness and depression caused by radio waves undoubtedly lower people's productivity and efficiency in their studies and work. Lastly, as many users believe in the security technology, they decide to store their private data there, however, some brands produce dead phones and they do not even work out on the errors.  
  
On the other hand, mobile phones significantly influence humans' life in the modern world. Firstly, they can support their users to correspond to worldwide people without boundaries of geography and time, to build new relationships and express emotions more easily with varied creative emojis and stickers on different social media platforms. Secondly, about medical issues, if users are educated to control their time spent viewing on small screens, they are unlikely to suffer from any illnesses, instead, playing games and listening to music on phones have already been reported to help relieve stress in schools and workplace. Most importantly, technology is also believed to be enhanced through the innovations of such devices since they would invest more in technological gadgets after seeing how profitable phone brands could become. With these advantages, the drawbacks of mobile phones are likely considered to be incomparable to how they help the future world.  
  
In conclusion, this essay discusses various detailed issues and the reason why mobile phones would benefit people more greatly than how they could negatively affect people. It is also recommended that users should also control how much time they spend on small screens to stay out of problems.  
  
Thank you, this is my first time posting and I am glad to hear your feedback and revisions. Thanks in advance!
Your prompt restatement poses a discussion for a totally different essay. Your interpretation is nowhere near the original discusson topic, references and format. Your TA score will definitely be based on a failing one due to the unrelated topic and discussion format. An accurate restatement always all the original reference points in a manner that shows your understanding of the original presentation. You cannot change any reference points nor discussion style. The essay you present in the first paragraph is a prompt deviation that all but assures you of a final failing score.  
  
Further reading of your presentation shows that you fully did not understand the discussion topic. Hence, the lack of direct and relevant response to the 2 direct questions. Though your presentation is long, the presentation is mostly not connected to the required discussion elements or, where relevant, are under developed in explanation.  
  
You only needed to present 3 reasoning paragraphs of 5 sentences each to respond to the questions. It is your over analysis that brought your response to points where it is sometimes on topic , most of the time off- topic.  
  
What I learned about you from your writing is that you are out to impress, which tends to make you try too hard with your responses when simple and direct answers are all that is required. My advice is this, simplicity of discussion will help go a long way in getting you a passing score when compared to a long-winded, sometimes wandering discussion.Stick to the required discussion points, Give direct responses at the start, and offer properly connected discussion topics per paragraph. Develop clear thoughts and cohesive reasons that connect the 3 suggested topics. Don't over- analyze, just offer an opinion.
## urban population numbers

  
  
The line graph provided illustrates the total percentage of the population living in urban areas in four countries between 1970 and 2030.  
  
Over the period shown, it is clear that three countries had an increasing trend in population living in cities and towns except for India, which had a temporary fall between 1990 and 2010. South Korea had experienced the fastest growth in urbanisation, and the USA remained stable in the past sixty years.  
  
In 1997, the proportion of people living in urban areas in China was about 20%, and the data of India was close with China. The figure for the USA and South Korea were higher, at about 65% and 40% respectively. Between 1990 to 2010, the graph of China had surpassed that of India, with a rising trend in China and a declining trend of India.  
  
From 2010, South Korea had narrowed down their gap with the USA, both were just under 80%. It was also in 2010 that China had a marked increase from around 22% to nearly 40%.  
  
*
You need to provide summary overviews that complete the information for the leader. That means, a summary can only be considered complete When enumerated information is included in the presentation. Im this case, prior to using the country names in the trending statement, these must be enumerated as the representative countries first. A summary overview must always be composed of 3-5 sentences. A single , compressed informatiosummary will force U you to commit unintentional GRA and TA errors.  
  
data of India was close with China.  
How so? You did not explain the graph information that represents this idea. This needs a comparison sentence based on the aligned graph measurement.  
  
the graph of China had surpassed that of India  
Again with the s explanations. you are risking a big C + C deduction since you have omitted the explanation twice in the same presentation. Remember, the writing instruction is, make comparisons where relevant. You are not doing a good job at that.