dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
More and more students  
Avoid the use of non-academic, memorized phrases such as this one. It is not only an exaggeration of the original prompt, but it also does not offer a logical point of view based on the given topic. Rather than saying "more and more", you could have instead said "There are some students..." Such a reference is academic and non-sensational in presentation. It shows a logical line of thinking without going overboard in your sentiment.  
  
I will commend your response to the questions provided though. You have created a well thought out response to the questions that clearly indicate what your upcoming reasoning discussions will be about. This is an effective thesis statement even though the grammar is not perfect. The grammar is not so much of a problem though since your thought process is still easily understood by the reader.  
  
japan, china,  
Kindly remember the noun usage rules. Proper nouns covering the names of people, places, and things are always capitalized. Be careful and ensure that you follow English grammar use guidelines to avoid heavy GRA deductions in your individual scoring segment.  
  
etc  
Non-academic word. Do not use these terms as it is seen as a lazy form of writing in an academic setting. It is frowned upon and will affect your C+C scores.  
  
Many students cannot do well at learning they may feel useless when they have to continue wasting money on high school without gaining any.  
This is an unclear reference. The money part refers to parents, it does not refer to pressure on students. It is more than likely you did not translate this sentence properly from your local language, which is why you delivered an incoherent statement.  
  
You need to add more punctuation practice work during your writing exercise time. There are several instances of missing or incorrect punctuation usage in your essay. These will have direct negative effects on your GRA score. Do better in these areas to ensure less deductions during the actual test.
## choosing the mode of transportation - air travel

  
  
Travelling by air is a modern and fast form of travel. It is gradually becoming the first choice of people when travelling long distances because of the benefits it brings.  
  
Firstly, air travel saves us a lot of time and shortens travel time. Its travel speed is nearly 40 times faster than road travel. The second is the safety it brings. Travelling in the air is always safer than other means of transport. Their risk of being in an accident is always less than road vehicles (trains, buses, cars) and waterways. In addition, moving in the air is less prone to shock, ensuring the safety of goods and giving customers a better experience. The next benefit is the guarantee of professionalism and standards that are superior to other methods. The service staff have all undergone rigorous training, so the style and working style are also higher than that of the garages and shipping lines. While other forms of travel are hindered by terrain and range, air travel easily connects many places, both domestic and international, and is not subject to any terrain obstacles. Finally, air transportation has clear documents and specific commitments, so the interests of customers are also more secure.  
  
Above are some advantages of air travel. Hope this information will be useful in choosing the mode of transportation for your trips.
It is impossible to discuss advantages without referrring to the comparison point of the alternative travel type. While such comparisons are inferred in the paragraph, the writer has not provided convincing evidence to prove his point. For example, when a person travels by road, a trip that would take 3 hours by car will only take 40 minutes by air. Similar comparison points for the other air travel advantages should be made throughout the presentation to further enhance the logic and / or sound discussion that you are providing. Doing so will help you avoid parenthesis presentations that do not really help since these tend to seperate themselves from the actual discussion or presentation. Emphasizing the safety of air travel due to the easily avoidable traffic accidents would have enhanced this presentation as well. Remember that giving blanket claims will be met with questions by the reader. Questions that can easily be responded to by presenting valid examples for your claims.
**Please give review on my first attempt, thank you!!:**  
  
## Destination of UK students

  
  
The bar charts display the figures of four destinations of the graduates and postgraduates in England, besides of employed with a full-time job in 2008.  
  
Overall, the proportions of those destinations include voluntary works, further study and unemployment are similar among the two types of students, except for part-time work.  
  
As can be seen from the charts, the number of graduates and postgraduates who purchased higher education is both the highest which reached around 95%, the figure of which is 29,665 and 2,725, respectively. Clearly, among the four types of destinations, being a volunteer was the least popular among the students in 2008. Accounting for 3500 graduates and 345 postgraduates, both are less than 20% of students.  
  
The second similarity shows in unemployment, both figures in 2 types of students are almost a double down compared to the further study. Meanwhile, there were 17,735 graduates engaged in a part-time job, the number is slightly higher than those who were unemployed. In contrast, the number of postgraduates engaged in a part-time job is apparently higher which is 2535, amounting to five sixths of its students.  
  
*
The summary overview must always include the number of images provided and how the information is divided within the images. In this case, there are 2 charts presented, each with half the information for the report. So the images must be divided into 2, with the divisions for each made clear to the reader. As for the trending statement, the similarity needs to indicate if this is an upward or downward similarity for the information you are presenting. The lack of these representatiions make this summary overview a bit faulty in terms of task accuracy. The rest of the report, though a bit grammatically incorrect, still conveys the correct reporting information. So the rest of the task should bring in a decent score for you. This might be a passing essay, but not a very high scoring one.
## IELTS Writing Task 1: Mobile Phone Features

  
  
The given table displays the percentage of numerous functions that mobile phone owners took advantage of between 2006 and 2010.  
  
Overall, all listed features had increased dramatically in proportion. Indeed, phoning, picturing, and messaging were top frequently used services and experienced a rise over the years. Other functions mentioned in the graph also had a noticeable growth.  
  
The entirety of owners used their phones to contact people in 2006 and 2008, even though this figure dropped 1% in 2010. Taking photos, which was also very common among users, was used by 66% people and moderately increased to 79% by 2010. Likewise, texting started from 73% and slightly went up to 6% in the next 4 years.  
  
Playing games and listening to music shared a similar trend with each other. The former began with 17% and the latter was 12% in 2006. Then, the proportions were almost doubled by 2010. Finally, although the last 2 factors had no figures in 2006, both of them took up the number of 9% and 41% respectively in the following 2 years. In 2010, while the percentage of filming was 4 times higher than in 2006, the proportion of search engine usage was almost three quarters.  
  
*
numerous functions  
Mention at least 4 of the functions in this place. That way, when you mention 3 more functions in the trending statement, the reader will have a clear idea of what the contents of the table actually are.  
  
between 2006 and 2010  
Actually, there is a 2 year gap between measurements so you cannot refer to a general timeline count in this case. Rather, mention the years individually for clarity purposes. It is important to be specific about the data since a heavy scoring consideration for the task 1 essay is information accuracy in relation to the task.  
  
was used by 66% people and moderately increased to 79% by 2010  
If the 66% reference belongs to a different year, you need to make sure to mention that. This information report is a bit confusing to the reader. Prioritize clear year and measurement references in relation to one another when referring to a heavy data based report. It will ber best for you to always start the paragraph with the year reference so that the reader has an anchor point for the forthcoming comparisons. They do not have to look for it or get confused by the references if it comes later in the presentation.  
  
Overall, a pretty good start. You may want to consider using a scannable sentence and paragraph presentation next time. It will help ease your worry when it comes to the clarity of your information presentation in any task.
## the education purpose

  
  
It is widely believed that the fundamental intention of the education system should gear the graduates toward contributing to the sake of society, whereas according to the others, personal achievements should be prioritized. I would concede that the educational purposes should be used for one's goals for several reasons  
  
Since human progress cannot be devoid of the involvement of individuals, regardless of any learning preferences, the inherent intent of any subjects is to educate students to dedicate their effort for a developing society. In this knowledge-oriented world, the prominent role of scientific research, for example, lays a solid foundation to modern civilization. With an abundant force of professors and researchers of different fields we have initially reached many achievements that bring mankind to a higher level of evolution which is essential and desirable to people.  
  
On the other hand, the critics acknowledge the importance of personal goals and how education acts as a precursor to their future career. Firstly, the insurance of one's benefits are significant before anything. Provided that our society is getting more thriving, however, it is rare that there are any people willing to devote themself and enlighten others unless it is beneficial to them. Self-consciousness is no longer novel in this era. Even the volunteers could get their certifications for their work, which is a plus point for their job application. Furthermore, individual success itself has already been a crucial part that contributes to the development of a country. For instance, the wealth of billionaires and their enterprises can effectively bolster the overall national economic growth.  
  
In conclusion, despite both views have some certain validity, I believe that any particular form of education should be useful for the ambitions of people first as the advantages are more considerable.  
  
COULD THE TEACHERS HERE RATE MY ESSAY WITH IELTS BAND SCORE? I REALLY APPRECIATE IT
Kindly contact me privately for a scored review. That is a more intricate and comprehensive review that is not covered by our free review services. The following general review will be a good measurement of how well you might do during the test though. It will give you an idea as to whether you will pass or fail, depending upon your presentation alone.  
  
for several reasons  
You did a good job in the restatement. However, when it comes to creating your opinion statement, please remember that when you opt to write using the 3 reasoning format for this essay, you should present one topic alone alone to support your opinion. By presenting a clear supporting topic for your opinion, you end up with a stronger opinion statement. You do not need several personal reasons, only one solid reason since you only have 5 sentences in every paragraph to solidly explain the topic statement.  
  
Now, the 3 reasoning format you have chosen (the other choice being a 2 reasoning paragraph public and personal opinion consideration) requires you to disscuss both public views in a manner that clearly reflects the public opinion in your explanation. While a general explanation is acceptable, the use of third person group pronouns will make it clear to the examiner that you are not referring to a general personal point of view. This is a clarity requirement that is needed because the essay refers to "Some people" and "Others" in the original presentation. A clear 3rd person point of view reference.  
  
Only when you have compared these opinions in individual paragraphs, can you present your personal opinion or support for one particular opinion in your 3rd personal opinion paragraph. This 3rd paragraph must use first person pronouns to highlight your personal opinion paragraph. Please note that your personal statement will need to be developed in a stand alone paragraph. Once you present your personal opinion in the conclusion, it will cause an automatic failing score. That is because the expected summary conclusion requirements were not met. Simply saying, "In conclusion" will not close the essay. The writing requirements for the concluding paragraph will need to be met because of the scoring considerations applied to each paragraph.  
  
This is a good start. At least you have shown that you have a general understanding of the topic. It is the formatting and sentence structures that you have to pay attention to in your next test (of the same writing requirement).
## study and practice of english language

  
  
Daily, I often get up at 7 am. then, I start to study English. This makes me feel extremely relaxed. I'd like to talk about one of my days. Now, my mood is very good. Because I learned a few vocabularies and watched youtube. As you see, I watched youtube which helped me study skills listen. It was funny, huh? Although I'm not good at English, someday I will be better, So I try hard to study English. I study English because I wanna have a good job in the future. this afternoon I get up quite late which makes me feel bored, tired, and grumpy. I wish, one day not far, I can curb my sleep. Finally, I write a blog to advance skills in my English. If it is not good, you can answer. This helps me better and have more experience for next time
The paragraph is written in reverse. The topic sentence, regarding what you will be writing about should be first (I'd like to talk about one of my days). Followed by what time your day starts ( I often get up), then the activity that starts your day (My mood is good when I start by studying English). The rest of the essay, about how you study and practice the English language can then follow. Remember that when you write an action paragraph, you need to outline the order in which these actions will be performed in the draft. Line then up from the first action, to the last. By doing so, you can develop a more understandable essay. If possible, avoid using English slang words (wanna) in your practice essays because you are not allowed to use slang words in academic writing. You might as well get used to it early on so that it does not become a habit for you.
***Some people think that the fictional violence portrayed on television is harmless entertainment.  
Others disagree and think that it encourages violent behaviour.***  
## Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

  
  
It is undeniably true that violent scenes are gaining in popularity. Some people claims that watching fictional violence for entertaining cause no harm to us while others argue this will lead to real actions in life. In my opinion, make-believe violence poytrayed on television doesn't affect our behaviours if we have a critical mind.  
  
First of all, fictional violence is purely made for entertainment. Therefore, the people who access to this kind of media just for the purpose of entertaining but not for motives to act it in real life. Besides, there are appropriate violent fiction for each group of age depending on their receptive ability. Also, every kind of media containing violent details always has attached precautions for viewers. For these reasons, the extent to which fictional violence affects viewers' behaviours is decided by their choices.  
  
On the other hand, some viewers especially children tend to emulate violent actions appeared on television. Producers often use violent details to glamorize their characters as having superpowers, forming a typical character called hero. As a result, children usually keep this common misconception and imitate violent actions.  
  
In conclusion, fictional violence is made just for entertainment but not for other intended reasons to persuade viewers to imitate. To avoid being affected by those contents, we need to have a critical mind and only choose what suitable for us.  
  
*Thank you for helping me to correct my essay!*
Normally, this kind of writing would get an automatic failing score. You only wrote 227 out of 250 words, which means the preliminary score will receive appropriate percentage deductions based on the number of words lacking in relation to the minimum allowable word count. The essay will definitely start off with a failing score that the rest of the scoring considerations will have to overcome in order to garner a passing score. In this case, that may not be possible.  
  
It is undeniably true  
This is a false claim that should not be made in the prompt restatement. Please remember that there are 2 public opiunions being presented for the discussion topic. Therefore, nothing can be claimed as "undeniably true". This particular sentence should never be prsented in any discussion since it is not in compliance with the prompt restatement considerations. Only the next 2 sentences are actually needed for your prompt restatement + opinion presentation.  
  
None of the reasoning paragraphs are properly presented. The format for this discussion must be as follows:  
  
Sentence 1: Public opinion  
Sentence 2: Reason for the public belief  
Sentence 3: Writer's (dis)agreement with the given statement  
Sentence 4: Writer's supporting reason based on a valid example  
Sentence 5: Addiitonal explanation to support the example (if required or applicable)  
  
This is the format that will guarantee that you meet all the scoring requirements from the word count up to the clarity of your opinion presentation. Your current presentation does not meet these requirements. This will be a failing test.
Here is the link to extracts: docs.google.com/document/d/1nYL8jzleS5ITEzZZsdRX67Oq3Ucuw0R8/edit. I highly appreciate every feedback. Many thanks.  
  
## two texts analysis

  
  
The overriding theme of both texts is the principal cause of high engagement with smartphones in today's world. While one extract suggests that design technology is to blame, the other puts it down to an automated manner of humans.  
  
According to the first passage, phone addiction stems from the technology design of platforms. In order to grab more attention, tech design tries to make use of the reward system in the human brain to make us crave more for the pleasure we gain from their platforms. Additionally, in the sense that users' spent time spent is the product to sell to advertisers, websites and applications' owners try their best to have their platforms structured as captivating as possible to extend interactions. I have no disapproval of the belief that persuasive technology design increases people's time consumption on the phone. Apps and websites with colorful, attention-grabbing icons, outstanding features and push notifications are more likely to take effect in grabbing and retaining users' attention, which can be seen in some apps such as Instagram or Messenger.  
  
The second text asserts that the disruptiveness of smartphones comes from humans' inner urge to interact with their phones. People have the habit of unintentionally checking their phone even without notifications, whose duration is even longer than the purposeful interaction. The extract also suggests that among all activities on the phone, scrolling features consume the most time as it provides users low-cost pleasure. I am convinced entirely that the disruptiveness of smartphones comes from humans' habitual and automatic interaction which is driven by humans' normal desire to socialize and be on top of the latest news. Besides, as once the human brain's system is rewarded with pleasure from scrolling up and down mobile phones, it reinforces the behavior to seek more satisfaction.  
  
Personally, I reckon that both tech design and self disruptiveness make a contribution to humans' having eyes glued to the phone. It is phone features' attractiveness that constantly gives people satisfaction. At the same time, human natural irresistibility thereby causes them to yearn for interaction. On the whole, the two texts elaborate on two sources of human high engagement with phones.
Apologies for not basing the review of your essay on the Google Doc you sent a link to. We advise not accessing any files not located on our server due to possible malware, security, and virus issues, regardless of the server location. We do not advise that other students access off site files either. Essayforum will not be held liable for any damage that accessing such documents may cause your system. Reviews for such essays will be done without any reference to the exterior document. Students are advised to upload the text as an image file to our server instead.  
  
The overriding theme of both texts  
There is a certain point in the discussion of these texts where the focuses diverge. Do not overlook the separation points of the text as these differences have an effect on the overall presentation as well. These must also be considered when reviewing the information for your evaluation.  
  
Apps and website  
Start this part with "I believe that..." since this is the part of the review that represents your opinion explanation in relation to your belief in the given discussion.  
  
interact with their phones  
Rather, people have the urge to continously check if there are others interacting with them socially via their phones. This leads to their constant checking of the gadget. Your explanation was a bit incorrect in this part.
I would like to be thankful and hope you leave any feedback for my essay and (if possible) give me an average band based on IELTS criteria.  
  
## ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES OF TAKING A GAP YEAR

  
  
***Some students prefer to take a gap year between high school university to work or to travel. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?***  
  
**My essay:**  
There has been an accelerating trend of breaking for a year instead of moving immediately to university to work or travel. This phenomenon has some shortcomings in few aspects, the benefits are overwhelmed.  
  
Taking a year out is associated with many disadvantages. This is firstly because, if school-leavers enter real life when they have just enter adulthood, they will get into a lot of trouble such as financial problems or uncomfortable environment. For instance, to earn a living, gap year student have to do physical demanding job. In addition, a year is a long time so that they feel hard to continue academics. As a result, classmates may leave them behind, which lead to depression and stress.  
  
The advantages of pausing your studies for working or traveling, nevertheless, are more significant than its drawbacks. An important reason is that youngster can gain broader perspective of life. This means that those will have a chance to access diverse culture setting or different geographical context. Besides, choosing to take intentional time off is a way to reflect and develop new skills. These help students truly understand which career they want to do in the future.  
  
In conclusion, there are many benefits of taking a gap year which outweigh its shortcomings. For these reason, students should give themselves an opportunity to explore the world and their own through a gap year.