dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
[IELTS CAM 15 TASK 2 TEST 1]:  
## In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people.

  
***Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?***  
  
In some countries, people believe that owning a home is more important than renting one. In my opinion, this is a positive situation and there are a myriad of reasons why they get this idea.  
  
Firstly, homeowners have their own rules so they do not need to follow any other's rules. For instance, if people choose to rent a home, they would have to follow the rules of owner such as do not come home late especially after 10 pm, do not make noisy at late night, etc. Because of these rules, sometimes renters could feel uncomfortable and even they would get stressful when they want to relax but there are some restrictions that they have to comply with. In contrast, homeowners could do anything they want.  
  
Secondly, people who owner home has the stability. They almost do not have to move to other area except the government have an announcement about constructing some new projects. With renter, they usually have to move to another place if their owner get personal problems such as they do not want to let out their house to anyone because they have planned to do business.  
  
In conclusion, people have a choice for owning a home because they have realised what value that a stable home could bring to them: convenience and stabilty. Sometimes, owning a home is not easy for who do not get enough money for payment so renting a home might be a better choice.  
  
P/s: I've started learning IELTS writing exam so I looking forward to receiving all your comments and I'm so thankful for that.
Your essay will start off with a failing TA score due to percentage points deductions. You have written only 244 words out of the minimum 250. The target word count for a decent score should be anywhere from 275-300 words. When you write less than the minimum word count, it is almost certain that your essay will fail as you will have point deductions in the TA section for both the lacking word count and, the cut and paste reference to the topic discussion presented in the paragraph. These will weigh down your score heavily, even if you gave a partially correct response to the discussion presentation. You failed to give the topic outline as a part of your thesis statement. Rather than myriad reasons, you should have indicated 2 reasons that you will be discussing in the reasoning paragraphs instead. There are LR issues related to proper word usage and representation. These may have an effect on your GRA score due to the confusion that it could pose to some readers.
Hi friend, firstly, I believe to get a higher band, your introduction should be paraphrased, not copied from the question. Also, there should be an outline in your introduction to have a brief about what your readers are going to read in the body.  
  
Secondly, I think what the question wants to ask is why IN SOME COUNTRIES, owing a home is more important than renting one. Maybe the reason why you don't meet the required word count is because you missed that point. You can give examples about some countries that the citizens prioritize having their own home more than renting it and explain why. Good luck!
## we can get almost all through our screens

  
  
It is undenied that technology gives us a brand-new way to observe historical artefacts and paintings, directly through our screens. While I partly agree with this viewpoint, I also suggest that the values of storage institutions such as museums or art galleries are dispensable  
  
In the Internet era, everyone can easily have a detailed copy of any works with just a-click. It is such a convenient way for them when they can save an amount of time of queuing and wait in an exhibitions event. Also, museums and art galleries can make the most of these trends when they can scan their artefacts through the specialised scanner and collect money from viewers. For example, Natural Museums located in NY started to rolling out their virtual viewing serviced called LA; by augmented virtual ( AR ), audiences would feel the same feeling as roaming around any exhibitions.  
  
However, these experience have some negative issues. Firstly is the membership costs, the average cost of virtual services like LA usually fluctuates between 50 $ and 100 $, which is too high for a normal income. Seconds is the conception, without a profession, people can have some negative bias for a work, which usually comes from their misinformation about its characteristics situation when introduced to the world. These could lead to awful consequences, for example, the masterpieces of Florence artist were boycotted by having a naked girl on the canvas when people saw its copy on Facebook; actually, its hidden meaning is that women at that time was treated very badly and often becomes the victim of sexual violence.  
  
In conclusion, I agree that everyone can see historical objects or artworks very easily, but sometimes the true values of some masterpieces would be misunderstood.
Do not say that something is undeniable in the prompt restatement. Never offer an opinion that is unrelated to the discussion requirements as you are offering a truthful insight, trying to convince the reader of the truth behind your opinion, when it is not required of you in the instructions. Just follow the basic writing instructions provided to you. The response you gave is incorrect as you gave a measured response of partial agreement, which is meant for an extent essay. The original prompt only requires you to choose between one of the opinions. Either you agree or disagree. Now, these are the reasons why this essay is most likely to fail in an actual setting:  
  
- Offering information not included in the original prompt  
- Irrelevant discussion response  
- Incorrect discussion format (reasoning paragraphs)  
- Other GRA, LR and C&C errors in the presentation
Hi Long231312, I think there has been an unclear idea in your statement. Although you claim to be partially agreement to the advance of technology only, you provide words and ideas that make people confused whether which side you are on.  
  
Some points were explained too short even though they need further supports while a few ideas were redundant from the argument.  
I am not an expert, just a friend suggests you to make your ideas clearer to prove which side you agree on. Good luck!
## trip for the South seaside area

  
  
Dear Sir or Madam,  
  
This is Roy, I am currently planning a Family trip regarding for the South seaside area between 10 - 12 March 2021. As search over the Internet, Seaside hotel would be the one having the highest ranking for selection. I would like to ask for room availability of the above mentioned 2 days.  
  
There is total 3 persons will stay for these 2 days with 2 adults and a 1-year-old baby. I would like to reserve for 1 semi-double bedroom with a baby bed and baby chair. Please help to provide the detail information about this room reservation offer, including the facilities, swimming pool, gym room, restaurant (including menu) and room service at your hotel with the opening hours.  
  
We are looking forward to hearing your reply. We would like to enjoy your hotels professional service at the coming wonderful holiday as soon as possible.  
  
Yours Sincerely,  
  
Roy Leung  
  
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Nowadays, in the modern era, there are too many events available to child for their extra-activities. Some active children may affect others in a group to doing the same event or follow their ideas. However, some Parents do not satisfy with this and trying to arrange all activities for their children by their expectation. is it a good and well arrangement?  
  
In current century, internet would provide many ideas for children to explorer the new activities. That is no boundary to limit the information retrieval. No matter in school, classmate may cross sharing their ideas. As many idea exposure, Children and Teenagers may follow the most fashion one for learning and studying.  
  
I would not believe that parents would always be possible to plan the activities to their child as their expect. As there is many new activities, Parents would not always be able to understand those ideas and hobbies. Most likely, Parents would brief study what kind of current popular event of their child doing.  
  
In a globalization environment, activities would be cross cultural. If parents still trying to decide all the activities to their child which do not suitable for them or do not follow their hobbies. It would be slow down their creative mind set and learning explorer. The time wasting may cause their child to eliminate their learning motivation.  
  
By the above assumption, Parents should not be possible to arrange those what their expected event to their children. I do believe parents would only be able to support what their child wants and provide the right direction to them. And possibility to avoid the illegal action which about what the event performing.  
  
Parents would not be possible to decide all event to their child. The better way is to support their child to explorer their hobbies and trying all the new idea during the free time. Also, to avoid any illegal action of any activity would still require parents to make understand what their child working on.
**We allow only 1 essay per thread. One more double essay posting and your account will be suspended !!!**  
  
Your first essay is a grammatical mess. You need to focus your lessons on the following:  
  
- singular v. plural  
- present, past, future tense usage  
- simple sentence structuring  
- punctuation usage  
  
I cannot even begin to explain how grammatically incorrect your presentation is. I would have to rewrite the whole essay to show you how to correct all the errors in every sentence and paragraph presentation.  
  
It is important that you stop writing practice essays at the moment. That is because you are still incapable of creating a basic English sentence, much less a paragraph. You would immediately get a failing score in the LR, and GRA sections based on this presentation, resulting in a final failing score.  
  
Work on improving your vocabulary first, then learn the basic structures of a simple sentence. There are free apps that can help you do that.  
  
Do not focus on the essay exercises yet. Your ESL skills will not allow you to create the kind of sentences that can help you pass the test yet.
Dear All, I took some online course and tried to rewrite this part 1. I believe my writing still has issues, but i hopefully can get any opinions from you all for improvement. Thanks!  
  
========================================================================  
Dear Sir/Madam,  
  
I will have a 5 days vacation (20-25 Mar,2021) next week at Seaside region. I plan to stay at your hotel with 2 adults and 2 two-years-old children.  
  
I want to reserve 1 sea-view room and 1 semi-double room. For Sea-view room, I and my wife look for any special room service for our wedding anniversary celebration. For Semi-double room, It is to my housekeeper and 2 children. We want to know any cartoon decoration room with toys provided and music function.  
  
Besides room service, I look for Gym room and Swimming Pool, and my wife asks for Spa service. Please introduce the hotel facilities in detail.  
  
Please advice any shuttle bus service to your hotel from Seaside Central. We will arrive there at around 12:00pm 20Mar2021 and then heading to your hotel.  
  
Thanks and I am looking forward to hearing from you soon.  
  
Yours Sincerely,  
  
Roy Leung
## the environment protection

  
  
Chief among the cause of extinction is a surge in the human population. Due to the increased human population, the health of ecosystem is becoming worse in recent years. However, particularly in the developed world, the extinction of large predator is processing a major concern. This assay will illustrate the underlying reason for extinction in large creator and outline two ways in which government can tackle this problem.  
  
For getting a better and convenient life, people are contributing to discover the perfect public facilities. Due to the overdeveloping in the modern world for increasing popularity, however, this phenomenon is putting various species at risk of extinction. For example, Authorities always cooperate with company to built public transportation for narrowing the gap between the rural and capital without concerning about the habitat of predators. But various other measures for the government could be implemented that would affect these problems.  
  
One possible approach would be for the government to promote a greater education system for children. Teachers can teach more information about biodiversity and held ecotourism for children to understand the knowledge in practice. However, in any circumstance, this may not be sufficient. Every students' level is different so that it can not be sure pupils can benefit from these actions.  
  
An alternative approach would be to buy recycle and sustainable product. Much plastic waste is left on the beach while the human goes to the sea. Plastic has become one of the harmful materials to marine. Customers should also use the reusable coffee cups and bags when going to a shop. In addition, the government has to restrict more unsustainable thing by law to reduce the carbon footprint. They can increase fines for wasting and disposable tableware.  
  
By way of conclusion, individuals must protect the environment. It is never too late to encourage people to participate in more eco-friendly activities.
Chief among the cause of extinction  
- Whose extinction? What is this discussion about? What is the purpose of this essay? The original prompt is not properly restated. You have left the reader confused as to what the whole point of this discussion is and what the discussion topics are. The discussion instruction is unclear. You have a tremendously faulty prompt restatement that, I am afraid, cannot help you get a passing score.  
  
The conclusion you have written is less than the suggested 40 word summary. It failed to restate the prompt, discussion instructions, and reasoning provided in a manner that offered a proper summary review of the discussion. Without the original prompt, which you should have provided, I cannot tell what else is wrong with your work. However, I am confident that the work you have provided is going to have a difficult time getting a passing score due to the inaccuracies I have mentioned. As a proper restatement of the original prompt, this essay failed to accomplish its task.
While some government lean towards the view point  
that fossil fuels are the major source of energy for most countries but green energy should be used substitute. From my point of view, I partly agree with this opinion and think that crude oil and green energy should be encouraged for simultaneous using. Although fossil fuels account for the vast majority of energy in most countries, it is also a double-edged sword.  
  
On the one hand, alternative source et energy are not always available. In some areas which have narrow terrain and different natural conditions, setting up things like wind mills or solar panels is a challenging issue for them. For examples wind energy can not be used in the country that does not have coastline like Laos. Not only that, not every government has enough finance to invest in natural power. Installing solar panels for building hydropower factory costs too much money, which can be a obstacle to people who do not have well-off wage.  
  
On the other hand, fossil fuels are non-renewables energy, it will run out in the foreseeable future. With current overexploitation petroleum, it likely to be exhausted soon. In addition, the factory that turns crude oil into power discharges exhaust fumes into the atmosphere, which result in greenhouse effect is and global warming. Contrast with natural energy, it do not cause pollution and environmentally friendly. In some developed county, government has introduced public transport using green energy into use widely  
  
On balance, crude oil make up the majority of energy for most nation but natural energy should be used instead. It seems to me that everything has two sides of it, human should use at the same time both fossil fuels and alternative source of energy for high efficiency.
The original prompt for this essay asks if you think this is a positive or negative development. Since your response is that you partly agree with the issue, the response format, as you have provided, is incorrect. You have given a measured response to the prompt when the discussion instruction / question does not require such an answer. Therefore, your TA score will start at a failing level due to your unrelated response to the prompt. Now, since you did not properly respond to the question, which is a one sided opinion discussion, the essay cannot receive a passing score. Once your response format for the TA section is incorrect, the rest of the discussion paragraphs are incorrect as well. So you cannot expect to get a passing score with this type of presentation because:  
  
- You failed to use the correct response format to the question;  
- Your discussion presentation uses the comparative format when the discussion requires a single opinion explanation  
- You clearly showed the examiner that you did not understand the original prompt topic, question, and discussion instruction  
  
We have sample essay responses to this prompt listed in the Similar Threads section. I suggest that you read those essays to gain a better understanding of how to approach this type of prompt question.
## computers impact on kids

  
  
A computer in this 4.0 industry is considered an indispensable part of our normal life. But gradually, using computers every day can have more negative than positive effects on children. In my perspective, I totally consent to this standpoint and I will demonstrate how terrible influence computers may have on children.  
  
Using computers every day can affect two major aspects of human life. Firstly, being overexposed to a computer screen can cause serious physical problems. For instance, the "green light " which stems from the screen, especially in low light condition, can make people come down with visual impairment, back pain, ...These can result in long-lasting consequences: inactiveneness, worse immune system,...  
  
Secondly, the high incidence of using a computer can bring about social mental problems. Instead of spending time playing and interacting with others, striking up a friendship, participating in sports activities, ..., children choose to sit glued to the computer programs and be obsessed with interesting games and tempting videos on the internet. These possibly lead to their shyness, selfishness, and lack of social skills. Children, when they grow up and become mature, will find it much more difficult to integrate themselves into modern civilization, where creativity and flexibility are necessary for individuals to settle down occupation and accommodation. As a whole, computers are the main cause resisting these characteristics on the grounds that they occupy almost all the time children should have spent learning other life skills.  
  
To summarize, we must be soon conscious of the potential damage to computers. And therefore, take more measures to reduce negative effects and also enhance the positive effects that they have on children.
You have a tendency to provide a generalized rather than focused thesis statement. A general thesis statement, one that does not offer your discussion topics, will not help your TA score because you are not offering a short form of the upcoming discussion paragraphs. You have also repeated the same errors as you had in your previous essay. It is important that you do not keep writing essays without waiting for the reviews. Doing so wastes your time (due to repeated errors and no lessons learned) and my time (due to repeated advice given). As such, this tells me that you only want to write the essays, but not really be told what to correct because you do not care to wait for writing corrections.
## dealing with traffic jams and accidents

  
  
Traffic jams and traffic accidents have always been a concerning, controversial issue in the world. With respect to the solutions to this problem, I will put forward some that are possibly done to minimize it.  
  
Firstly, the authority should enlarge the road system. At times, that there are only a few narrow roads located right in the city center is the main cause of traffic jam. Therefore, they had better proliferate more motorways to lower the pressure that vehicles put on main routes during rush hours and also by doing that, give the citizens the pleasure of not having to wait desperately in the long lines of transportations.  
  
Secondly, in addition to widening the road system, the government should enhance the utility of public transport on the grounds that private means of transportation occupy a lot of road space and can cause congestion. To do this, they ought to encourage people to travel mainly by buses and underground which can contain a lot of people. Through many privileges such as: inexpensive, convenient, environmentally friendly,...., public transport definitely the best alternative to cars-the vehicle which can easily get bogged down with traffic jams.  
  
Finally, laws must be promulgated strictly and clearly to cope with all the activities and means of transportation that can bring about traffic jams and traffic accidents. The traffic policemen must immediately be mobilized when there are congestions or car crashes to tackle the situations as fast as possible. Simultaneously, cars and motorcycles have to be completely prohibited from the city center in the interest of the high possibilities of triggering heavy traffic, accidents, and also, to some extent, the detrimental gases they release during rush hours.  
  
In brief, dealing with traffic jams and traffic accidents is very necessary to develop a comprehensive traffic environment and the government should do everything in their power to reduce or even get rid of these. However, we-the citizens- from all ages and all classes of the society should also be aware of the seriousness of these problems and therefore, conform to the government's measures critically.
This is a 4 paragraph essay that utilizes only 2 reasoning paragraphs. One for the causes and one for the solutions. You are not using the proper format for the discussion and, you are wasting valuable editing time by writing more than 2 reasoning paragraphs. Your thesis statement is not clear. It does not tell me exactly what topics you will be discussing based on the subjects. You only imply a discussion, which does not help to pre-summarize your discussion presentation.  
  
Avoid exaggerated presentations. It is acceptable for you to refer to the topic as concerning, but not as controversial as there is no reference to such a situation in the original presentation. Examiners do not like it when students exaggerate the topic presentation because it often leads to misdirected discussion points in the reasoning paragraphs.  
  
You also cannot use 3 punctuation marks successively in a sentence. That is going to severely reduce your GRA score due to your obvious lack of grammar and punctuation usage.