dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## is the vegetarian diet really so healthy?

  
  
*Some people choose to eat no meat or fish. They believe that this is not only better for their own health but also benefits the world as a whole.  
  
Discuss this view and give your own opinion.*  
  
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The number of vegetarian raised dramatically in recent years throughout the world, and many people believe that not to eat meat or fish is beneficial for both human health and the world. In my opinion, I disagree with this idea, and my point of view will be illustrated in this paragraph.  
  
It can not be denied that consuming too much meat may harm human health, and there are certain sorts of nutrition contained in vegetable which is essential for human. On the other hand, to fulfill the need of eating meat as a food source, more animal must be raised by stock farming industry, and it has been proved that over raising certain kinds of animals may damage the global environment. Moreover, the ethical issue of killing animals for food has been considered by many people recently.  
  
However, is none meat diet habit suits every single person properly? For instance, some patience suffered from deceases that required to absorb more protein form meat, vegetarian style of dieting may cause their decease even worse. Further more, to tackle the environment issue caused by stock farming industry, people should find the way to minimize the need for the kind of animals which damaged our environment. For example, we should avoid consuming beef because cow emissions gas which causes climate change.  
  
To sum up, be an vegetarian can get benefit for health and environment indeed. Nevertheless, it is less likely to suit everyone, and there is vital nutrition contained in meat as well. Thus, people should find a balance in absorbing different kinds of food source as well as protecting the environment.  
  
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This is an IELTS essay question, can some one give me advises? Thanks!
Alex, this is an acceptable dual point of view discussion essay. You have a pretty clear presentation in terms of paraphrasing the original content except that your personal opinion presentation is a bit mechanical in presentation. A better presentation for that part would have been:  
  
*Based upon the public opinion regarding protein abstinence, this essay will discuss the merits of that eating practice and then compare it to my opposing point of view.*  
  
Based in the above presentation you would have accomplished 2 things:  
1. Indicated what the discussion proper will be for the essay  
2. Explain your point of view without requiring a full discussion in the paragraph.  
  
For the body of paragraphs dealing with the given point of view, by saying that : "It cannot be denied..." that shows that you are discussing a personal point of view about the topic rather than the public point of view in support of it. Your reasoning in this paragraph is correct so you can retain that discussion. However, the topic sentence / opening sentence should have been clearer about the public point of view discussion. Opening with *"The sector of the public that do not eat meat or fish do so because they believe that..."* Thus showing that you do not support that opinion.  
  
Then, in your personal opinion paragraph, the topic sentence should have been *"I believe that abstaining from eating meat should be on a case to case basis..."* That way you can show that your disagreement is due to the eating method not being applicable to all people due to health considerations.  
  
Your concluding summary is a continuing discussion of the topic. You did not "sum up" the discussion at all. A "summed up" discussion, as required, presents the previous discussion in a similar manner to the opening paraphrase. This time though, it highlights the reasons for the discussion as per the body of paragraphs with a reminder of your personal opinion as the closing sentence. Your presentation was incorrect and cannot be considered a closing discussion for your essay.
**As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## not only financial, but social benefits also needed

  
  
There is an opinion that besides generate money, businesses also have duty on doing many activities which do wonder for society. From my point of view, I agree with it completely.  
  
On the one hand, making money is a fundamental principle of any firms. In term of benefits for society, the more income the companies make, the more taxes they have to pay. It is in line with the more revenue for government to spend in crucial fields: education, health care, national defence...just to name a few. Moreover, if the enterprises have more capital, they can expand their business by establishing more subsidiaries, involving more aspects. As the results, there will be more necessity of employees and the lack of job opportunity can be solved.  
  
On the other hand, the second vital thing that businesses have to do is accepting their social responsibilities. Firstly, businesses can make substantially effects on our environment in serious trend. To be more precise, if the factory emissions and industrial waste are not manipulated in reasonable way, the environment will be contaminated especially the global warming, air and water pollution. The organism which is harmed most seriously, no one else, is human. Secondly, the firms which make profits should put money back into the community through philanthropic actions such as charity and financing scholarships because there are many children who are lack of education, many students who have not enough money to maintain their studying. In fact, many corporations such as Unilever and Vinamilk have acted these things so other ones should do along.  
  
In conclusion, generating the profits is very important, in addition, guaranteeing the social benefits must not be taken for granted
I don't understand your conclusion. "guaranteeing the social benefits must not be taken for granted" it shows you are not fully supporting the idea of social benefits which you agreed to in the opening statement. Please consider changing to reflect your primary decision.  
  
Here are some corrections for you to consider:  
... principle of any *firm*.  
In *terms of benefit to the* society  
*As a result, there will be more job opportunities for the public and the issue of unemployment can be resolved.*  
*Firstly, businesses can substantially affect our environment.*  
  
*To be more precise, factory emissions and industrial wastes are polluting the air and water and leading to global warming.*
Trinh, you misunderstood how to approach the prompt question and succeeding discussion. Since this is only a simple agree or disagree essay, the response does not need to be an emotional "agree with it completely". A simple "I agree with it" would have been sufficient. Only the extent essays need the strong emotional description for your response. Unless the instruction clearly indicates "To what extent do you agree or disagree?", you don't have to use emotional descriptive responses.  
  
Next, this is a single point of view essay. That means the next 2 succeeding body paragraphs should be presenting evidence only for the side that you support. The only time you have to do a comparative discussion is when the instruction indicates: "Discuss both points of view and your personal opinion". If you do not see that instruction then there is no need to do a comparative discussion in the essay. The simple agree/disagree instructions are only 4 paragraphs long while the comparative discussion is usually 5 paragraphs long. There lies the difference in discussion approach.  
  
Your concluding paragraph is incomplete. You do not even have a punctuation mark at the end which means you either ran out of time while writing or you were just careless and neglected to review your paper for potential errors before submission. The concluding paragraph should be a summary of the preceding discussion so it should not be an incomplete presentation as you have it now. This should have at least 3 sentences explaining:  
  
1. Discussion topic  
2. Reason for the discussion  
3. Supporting reason  
4. Repeat of your personal opinion  
  
This is a good attempt but there is a tremendous room for improvement in your work. The above advice is meant to help you get on track with correcting your format, writing, and sentence development mistakes. You should find yourself getting better with each practice test that we review here provided you follow the advice you are given.
## punishment for kids engaged in crime

  
  
Nowadays, with increasing of society, there is an appearance of crimes from different generations includes children and adults. Some ideas believe that children must be given the same sentences as adults if they violate the law. Regarding to me, I totally disagree with this opinion. In this essay, I will explain my points of view.  
  
It is understandable why there is such an opinion. Firstly, it is a justice when everyone is given the same punishments if they break the same law. The law does not discriminate so that under the eyes of law, everybody at different ages is similar. Therefore, children must be punished at the same levels like finning them if they violate the traffic or some serious crimes, it is necessary to be received jail time like adults. However, with the high punishments, children may lose their future. As a matter of fact, when children suffer a long time in jail they will have no more chance to learn. Furthermore, if they have criminal records, it will be difficult for them to be believed from others. As a result, it is a disadvantage of childrens' lives.  
  
Due to a reason above, it is accurate to reduce the limit of sentences towards children. Clearly, teenagers are not mature enough to control their minds. Some situations are hard for them to know right or wrong. At that age, their brains have not totally developed so that the lack of knowledge makes them break the law or do some serious problems. On the other hand, reducing level of punishments also awake them and fix their mistakes. Spending just few times in jail or at home may be a chance for them to think about their activities. Thus, this method is fair to everyone and benevolent for children.  
  
In conclusion, children are also given sentences. However, limit of punishments should be reduced to give more opportunities for childrens' future.  
  
Thanks for reading. I hope someone can help me on my essay. Thanks a lot.  
Which band I can reach?
Hi, this essay was a little confusing because in your first body paragraph you said that juveniles and adults are given the same sentences and that this is justice. It sounded like you were begging the question by stating that of course kids and adults should be treated the same, but you did not really give any reasons supporting this. Then you go on to say that kids and adults should not receive the same consequences after all, so the transition you make is too abrupt and jarring to me. Maybe you meant to say that the penalties are the same now, but you think that the laws should be changed so that they are not the same? Here are some other suggestions:  
  
Nowadays, with increasing of society, {sounds a little vague - do you mean an increased population, or that people are becoming more civilized and societies becoming more modern?}  
  
rom different generations including children and adults. Some ~~ideas~~ believe  
  
In regards to me, {this still sounds a bit odd though} , I totally disagree with this opinion.  
  
... why there is such an opinion.{what opinion is this? it is better to clearly state it in your topic sentence}  
  
... punished at the same levels, by for instance fining them if they violate the traffic regulations Furthermore, for some serious crimes, it is necessary that juveniles receive jail time like adults.  
  
... difficult for them to earn the trust of others. ... a disadvantage that can follow children throughout their entire lives.  
  
Due to this reason above, it is accurate {"accurate" is not really the correct word here} to reduce the limit of sentences  
  
... to know right from wrong.  
  
... break the law or make some serious mistakes.  
... reducing the level of punishments also awakens them and fixes their mistakes. Spending just a few times in jail or confined to one's home {or "under house arrest"} may be ... their illicitactivities. ... and benevolent towards children.
## Forested land in millions of hectares in different parts of the world

  
  
The table gives information on the number of hectares of forest in 6 different places worldwide in the years 1990, 2000 and 2005.  
Overall, Europe had the largest forest area while the number of hectares of forest in Oceania was the smallest during the given period. In addition, there was a downward trend in the number of hectares of land covered by forest in most of studied areas with an exception of Europe and Asia.  
  
It is clear that in 1990, there were 989 000,000 hectares of forested land in Europe and this figure increased gradually to 1001 million in 2005. Likewise,the number of hectares of forest area in Asia rose from 576 million to 584 million in 2005, despite witnessing a moderate decrease in 2000.  
  
Meanwhile, a negligible decline can be seen in the number of forested land in North America and Oceania. The figures for North America and Oceania were just under 710 million and roughly 200 million respectively during this span. Africa and South America experienced an obvious fall in the number of hectares of land covered by forest . More precisely, there was a considerable decline from 946 million to 882 million in the number of hectares of forest in South America, compared to from 746 million to 691million in Africa.
*Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems.  
To what extent you agree or disagree with the statement?*  
  
## communication in foreign language abroad

  
  
Language barrier is one of the major hurdles, which is usually encountered by overseas people, and it may result in plenty of significant societal and real life issues. In my view, communication in non-native language brings noticeable problems for foreigners but there must be possible solutions of these issues.  
  
Admittedly, speaking a new language is hard task and not every individual, residing abroad, can master the language of respective country in which he is living. This inability would result in misconception and misunderstanding. For example, a person is unable to covey his thoughts and ideas in accurate words, which might be misunderstood by the natives and it may offend them. In addition, people may have least chances of getting the job, as they cannot effectively communicate. For instance, if a foreigner has to deal clients in his job, he cannot perform his task without effective language skills. Hence, I believe language barriers will pose significant hurdles for people living in foreign countries.  
  
Nevertheless, above-mentioned problems can be profoundly controlled. People while planning to move in any country should learn about the culture and language of that country. For instance, joining a language course would be definitely helpful. Almost all countries offer these courses for non-natives. Moreover, while going abroad, decide your career path and do your homework regarding job requirement there before applying. To illustrate, you chose marketing job, you should have excellent communication in that country's language to fulfill your duties. It will enhance you selection chances. Consequently, I think reasonable ways can be adopted by overseas individuals to reduce all these obstacles.  
  
In conclusion, communication in foreign language leads to communal conflicts due to misapprehension and practical life hurdles are unavoidable. I totally agree with the statement but these problems can be noticeably reduced by following preventive ways.
Eram, your response to the given prompt statement is incorrect. Since this is an extent essay, you need to pick a side to support in the discussion. This is not a simple opinion essay, which is what you accidentally wrote. Let me outline this for you with a sample of the proper response to the prompt.  
  
*Question: To what extent you agree or disagree with the statement?  
Response: In my view, communication in non-native language brings noticeable problems for foreigners but there must be possible solutions of these issues.  
Correct Response: I firmly / totally / completely/ strongly agree with the given discussion based on several well known reasons.*  
  
You are offering a discussion of possible solutions rather than discussing the reasons why you strongly agree with the yes or no question being provided. The response I created shows you some of the synonyms that can be used to express a strong emotion in relation to the question. The strong emotional response is a requirement for this essay.  
  
Now, the result of your action is what is known as a prompt deviation. That means you created a different topic for discussion which is counter to what you were being asked to discuss. In this case you chose to discuss solutions to the problem rather than the reasons why you agree with the statement. As such, your essay will be considered unresponsive to the given instructions and as such, receive a failing score.  
  
Make sure you understand the question and how to respond to it before you begin to write your practice essays. It will be best if you familiarize yourself with the various IELTS questions and model responses just so you will have an idea of how to respond to certain task requirement. You need to increase your English comprehension skills so that you can properly respond to the questions provided. Practice simple question and answer responses whenever you can then check the answer guide for the comprehension test. That way you can improve that part of English know-how. It is imperative that you understand the question so that you can write the correct response for it.
Actually, I have read in Pauline book it is best to give your point of view, whether you agree or disagree, in the conclusion part of the essay rather than the introduction. So a generalized statement should be given which will indicate what you're going to talk about in your essay.  
  
I am having difficulty in creating that generalized statement. I will read the model answers and will work on it.  
  
What about the rest of the essay? is it okay? Development of ideas? Coherence & Cohesion? Grammar?
## putting serious crimes in a community

  
  
Some people suggest that criminals should repay their community with volunteer work rather than to be imprisoned. While I agree with this to certain extent, I believe that putting serious crimes in community result in many potential risks.  
  
On the one hand, there are some benefits of prisoners doing social work for community. First of all, this will make offenders useful in their local communities. For instance, they can clean streets, talk to school groups, and attend in producing products. This may result in reduction in the number of social workers needed in communities, using taxes effectively, and social reintegration of ex-prisoners later on. Furthermore, this is a good form of crime prevention because it creates a fear of punishments among potential offenders. The evidence is that besides learning many valuable stories from that, children could also stay from exposure to potential crimes, which prevent them to commit crimes in later life.  
  
However, I think that law authorities should note other perspectives about imprisonment apart from serving for community. Firstly, doing unpaid public work is not a sufficient punishment because it may not reform offenders. As a result, some criminals might recommit crimes more seriously. For example, rape crime and theft are likely to continuously commit further offences later on as they have a dysfunction in the decision-making process, according to psychologists. Secondly, criminals should be locked up away from their victims. This is because they have to take the responsibility for the pain and loss that victims and their loved ones experienced.  
  
In conclusion, it is certainly true that unpaid community work could be considered in rehabilitating criminals, but it does not mean that authorities should entirely rely on this method to reform offenders.
Hi, I am an IELTS learner too, but I hope that my advice is helpful to you.  
Overall, your paragraph structure is pretty good, but from my point of view, the second point in your paragraph about the benefits of unpaid community work is a little confusing. Why making criminals doing social work can create a fear of punishment and prevent children form committing crimes themselves? You need to explain it more in detail.  
  
Your grammar is very good and you use a wide range of sentences.  
You only have small mistakes in your essay. You know a lot of words, but some of them are not used correctly.  
  
**putting serious criminals**  
  
**talk to school groups**  
I would use "students".  
  
**attend to making products**  
" Producing products" sounds awkward to me.  
  
**... apart from serving the community**  
"Serve" don't go with "for". Besides, I don't understand the "serving the community" part. Do you mean " the authorities should note the positive side of imprisonment"?  
  
**sex offenders and thieves are likely to continue to commit f...**  
I don't think you should use "continuous" here because it has a different meaning.
Jane, I do believe that you have written a level 3 essay here. While there are imperfections with your writing, it does not erase the fact that you created convincing discussions, based on popular reasoning, for the topic you were presented with. A word of advice though, you may want to avoid using special punctuation marks such as the "---" doesn't help in an academic discussion. That is mostly used to emphasize words or meaning in creative writing. Try to avoid using special markings that are usually used in other modes of essay presentation. Always be academic in tone for the CBEST essay.  
  
Overall, the discussion is plausible. However, you could have better explained yourself in each paragraph. Your examples need to be justified in order to strengthen the implication of your reference. The same goes for your topic sentences. You need stronger explanations for your reasoning in order to make the paragraph work better.  
  
As for your problem with an "empty brain", I believe that this happens to you because you are overthinking the topic. The best way to address this issue is to place yourself in the situation. For example, for this essay topic, you could have taken a specific point of view for the discussion such as the point of view of the parent or the point of view of the student. Remember that there are no right or wrong discussions or opinions in the CBEST essay. What matters is how well you are able to defend the opinions and reasoning you will be presenting. That is normally done better when you take an interest in the point of view for discussion.  
  
Rather than dealing with a generic "supporter" point of view, I would have made them more realistic by taking on the discussion from the point of view of the 2 involved groups, the parents and the students themselves. That way, your opinion will be better supported with specific reasons based on the implied involved parties in the discussion. If you can discuss something as an outsider looking in, you should be able to come up with better reasons and opinions for your discussion.