dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
*TOEFL writing task 2:  
Do you agree or disagree: movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave.*  
  
It's true that movies and television shows are largely commercialized nowadays thereby leave an impression of overemphasizing entertainment and are lack of deeper meanings. However, despite the fact that some commercialized elements could have misleading effect on young people, the overall impact of movies and TV shows is more positive in the way that they either deliver positive themes of stories or bring controversial topics to discussion, both of which are important inspirations especially for young audience.  
  
First, the theme of a movie or TV show is positive at most of the time. One could argue that commercialized movies, for example the superhero type or the 007 type, are always filled with fights and killings and visually striking explosions, and even bloody scenes, all of which present a violent picture to young people and should be considered as bad influence. However, the simplest theme of the movies mentioned above is justice, where the good triumph over the evil. Similarly, TV shows could be talking about made up crimes and have hosts and guests playing detectives, but what it tries to convey in the end is the awareness of both the strength and weakness of human beings. Such themes will definitely contribute to a positive impact and help to eliminate the potential misunderstanding, if any, caused by violent elements.  
  
More importantly, movies and TV shows provide topics that can lead to heated discussion in reality, bringing up diverse opinions of one topic for young people to think for themselves. In such cases, whether the movie or TV show itself provide a "correct" interpretation is not important, compared to the opportunity it offers to involve young people into independent thinking. For instance, TV shows related to the daily activities of kids are always controversial. Some people argue that kids should be protected in an environment not affected by overwhelming public attention, while others enjoy the show and appreciate the cleverness or loveliness of the kids stating that it's nothing wrong to be famous in an early age. For young people, they can choose to stand on either side and some of them do take their position and defend themselves with their own reasons. Surely they can learn a lot from that.  
  
In conclusion, not only do movies and TV shows possess themes that are largely positive, but also they provide real issues worth discussing about among young people, both of which create more positive impact than the negative.  
  
Please help me with specific comments, for example pointing out grammar mistakes or inappropiate use of words etc, or evaluate my overall organization of discussion. Thank you very much!
Tianyi, you do not need to focus so much on your word usage because you have clearly understandable representations of your discussion in the essay. Any mistakes you have grammar - wise are minimal and can be overlooked by the examiner. In fact, he will give an allowance for mistakes because the whole paragraph is coherent and cohesive. You do not have too many problems with GRA either. You have an acceptable range of simple and complex sentence development represented in the essay. However, I would like to point out that you have a tendency to create extremely long (run-on) sentences. Always divide the topics for your sentences. One topic per sentence is enough. Do not make it extremely long. Long sentences do not necessarily indicate complex sentences. That is a common misconception. The main problem with your essay is that you forgot to indicate your disagreement with the original statement provided at the end of your opening paragraph. This being a direct question essay, you must always indicate your personal opinion at the end of the paragraph. This is what will create your effective thesis statement and will be main basis for your TA score.
IELTS book 12 test 7 writing task 2: ***In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport.***  
  
## public transportation upgrade

  
  
My reply (252 words):  
  
It is considered, by a few around the world, that the construction of new faster trains is where most of the government's funds should be spent. Albeit it might be a good investment, I believe updating the currently available public transportation methods is of higher significance.  
  
Less time spent on commuting between places is usually desirable. In other words, everyone wants to reach their intended destinations quicker. For instance, a man who works in two different districts would see greater value in spending millions on a new faster subway. However, this will lead to an increased number of transportation methods, and the new subway might face a set of complains and thus require later improvement.  
  
On another note, funding projects targeted towards enhancing the existing modes of public transportation is the better option. Some individuals find that building faster means of transport is not the answer for smoother translocation between areas. If there is only one bus that goes from city A to city B, the public would benefit more if the state was to spend on adding another bus. It would definitely be less costly and much more helpful.  
  
In conclusion, a country's cash reserve should be spent very wisely with respect to transportation. Billions of dollars used up on a project such as new and high-speed trains might not be what the citizens want. On the other hand, governmental expenditures on fixing the already present forms of public transport is not only a cheaper option but most probably exactly what the people need.  
  
-please grade my work. This time I tried using a specific structure based on several helpful websites. thanks in advance!
Nidaa, unfortunately, I cannot grade your work because you did not provide the complete prompt for my reference in reviewing your work. There is no discussion instruction for me to base your response upon. Without knowing what you are being instructed to discuss in the essay, I cannot accurately score you on all 4 scoring considerations. Please be more careful next time. If you want to receive complete and useful help from us, then you need to provide us with the complete instructions for the essay. I can see that you only wrote 4 paragraphs, which means that the essay is under developed in terms of discussion. A completely developed essay discussion is done over 5 paragraphs with 3 of those paragraphs used for reasoning and examples. I also cannot understand why you are discussing the essay in this particular manner because of the lack of instruction. Please, don't waste your time submitting your essay to us if you are careless enough to not include the complete instructions for the discussion at the start. You will only waste your time and my time in reading your essay and then giving only a general instead of pointed advice to help you improve your writing skills.
Question:  
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.  
  
## energy consumption and greenhouse gas emissions

  
  
**The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the green house gas emissions which result from this energy use.**  
  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.  
Write at least 150 words.  
  
Answer:  
  
(Introduction)The two pie charts give the information about the percentage of energy consumption and greenhouse gas emissions in an Australian household averagely.  
  
(Main body 1)The most principal component of energy use is heating, occupying 42%, followed by water heating which accounted for 30%. There was a moderate energy use in other appliances while refrigeration and lighting occupy 7% and 4% respectively compared to the cooling only used 2% of energy.  
  
(Main body 2)At the same time, the proportion of greenhouse gas emissions are distributed unevenly as well. The most significant amount can be seen in water heating with 32% as opposed to the least one, water heating, with only 3%, while other appliances emit 28%, which is staggeringly higher than heating and refrigeration, both at circa 15%. In addition, there is just 8% emissions due to the lighting.  
  
(Overall)Overall, most energy are used in heating but considerable emissions are produced by water heating and other appliances while cooling is the most insignificant one in both energy consumption and gas production.  
  
(166 words)  
  
Welcome to find any mistakes!  
Thank you!  
  
*   
*IELTS 10 Test 1*
@dophan  
I would suggest you proofread as there are several mistakes that can be avoided if you had taken the time to go through your essay again.  
  
For example: ... energy use ~~is~~ **was** heating, ... which **accounted** for 30%. There **was** a moderate energy use ... and lighting ~~occupy~~ **occupied** 7% and 4% ... the cooling **which** only **used** 2% of energy" you switched between past and present tense in the same sentence.  
  
Another example: "... the least one, ~~water heating~~ **cooling**, with only ..." I'm pretty sure this mistake could've easily been avoided.  
  
hope my comment helps
Daofan, the first thing you have to remember is that the opening paraphrase contains a specific number of sentences referring to a specific set of summarized instructions. These are as follows:  
  
1. A description of each image provided with an explanation of the content. You cannot combine the two in one reference. Each chart must be individually identified with components enumerated.  
  
2. A representation of the discussion instruction.  
3. The trending statement. This may be placed anywhere in the essay in most instances. However, I have found that the students I have assisted in preparing for their Task 1 essays score on a higher level when they integrate the trending sentence at the end of the summarized information.  
  
Do not get used to labeling your essays as you write. This is an unnecessary use of the word count, it will be counted against you should you write in this manner in the actual test. Write in a naturally flowing manner instead. The examiner does not need to be reminded of the parts of the essay. He has been scoring essays for this test longer than you have been preparing for it.
Please help me review and assess this essay. Thank you very much!  
  
Topic: *Some people believe that living in big cities is becoming more difficult. Others believe that it is getting easier. Discuss both view and give your own opinion.*  
  
## benefits of a big city or a small town

  
  
The emergence of urban areas throughout the world is an subsequence of industrial revolutions. While some individuals argue that city life is getting easier by days, opponents hold a strong belief that it is not simple to settle down in a big city. From my own perspective, urban residents could get quite a lot of benefits but in return, they have to face many deteriorating social problems.  
  
Firstly, it is undeniable that people are attracted to city lifestyle that is more advantageous in various aspects. Due to the growth of industrial zones as well as financial and business centers, young people are likely to have more opportunities for building up a successful career. Furthermore, education system and healthcare system which employ the most updated technologies, could be a great contributor ro people's choice to live in urban areas. A large range of means of transportation and transportation amenity development could satisfy citizen's demand for travelling. For example, almost all capital cities around the world have built their metro system that is isolated from other ways of mass transport and meet the requirement of fast and convenient commuting. Last but not least, city life seems more interesting to youngsters because of a chain of entertaining centers including shopping mall, theatre, restaurant and theme park.  
  
However, a flock of employees to cities is a potential cause to urban issues. Populous areas are confronting considerably polluted land water resources which are direct consequences of overuse or lax regulations. In addition, more and more slums or inner cities are uncontrollably spreading beside magnificent cities, which consequently contribute to social problems such as drug, criminal and poverty. Lastly, it is a fact that many citizens are strictly maintaining their primary needs due to growing living cost and high inflation. All substantial commodities like foods, vehicles, household appliances as well as accommodation and other services are likely to be charged at higher price compared to rural living cost.  
  
All things considered, it is still a controversy over two views about city life and whether its benefits overweigh its drawbacks or not but I am of the belief that each individual should raise awareness of city problems for a sustainable urban development.
*Some people think it is more beneficial to play sports that are played in teams, e.g. football. However, some people think it is more beneficial to play individual sports, e.g. tennis and swimming. Discuss about both views and give your own opinion.*  
  
## Benefits of Team vs individual Sports

  
  
It is considered by some people that playing team sports is more beneficial than single - player sports, while other refute this idea. In my opinion, team sports have greater importance as it makes an individual competitive and strong.  
  
On one hand, playing game in team has more advantages because team work makes an individual tough, strong and how to get along with others.For example,sportsman playing in team sports such as cricket or football develops competition with his co-players. This sense of competition fortified his playing skills and helps him to become a successful sportsman. Therefore,working with others in team would be immensely helpful to built the competitive and bright sports person.  
  
On the other hand, those who opposes the aforementioned view present their point as well. Single player games are more relaxing and easy. For instance, recreational activities like swimming in which swimmers does not have to rely on others . He or she is independent and can swim and enjoy anytime whereas, in team games one has to rely on others. Thus, it is considered that one-player games are more feasible than multiple-player games.  
  
However, my personal opinion are on par with the idea that team sports have greater significance because it encourages an individual to become the confident and better player.  
  
To conclude,there are continuous arguments for and against the importance of sports type. However,In my view, multiple-player games have positive impact on players by making them courageous and strong.
Zainab in an academic IELTS discussion, you are expected to reflect the sentiments of the original prompt in your opening paragraph. That means, you must restate the prompt based upon your own understanding and then offer an explanation of the upcoming discussion. The sentences for this 5 paragraph essay is always between 3-5 sentences. Run-on sentences and extremely long sentences separated by commas must be avoided because these prevent you from properly developing a mix of complex and simple sentences in your presentation. Run-on and long sentences always lower your GRA and C&C scores due to the lack of focus and proper sentence presentation. The work that you did in this essay feels rushed, little developed, and not really on point with regards to the expected discussion. Your sentences are only a series of "talking points" that are not really developed in meaning or relationship with the topic sentence in every paragraph. Avoid single sentence presentations. These will decrease your scoring potential. Make sure to represent a separate personal opinion that is fully developed in terms of presentation in the essay. Single sentence personal opinions will not result in increased scoring potential for your essay.
Try to develop your ideas in a body paragraph.  
  
Currently what I do is (1)Topic Statement, (2) Explain/Restate (3) Explain further (4) Result (5) Example. This will enable you to maximize having a 5 sentence body paragraph. You should also aim for a approx 90 word count in the body paragraph to reach the 250 word count.  
  
Try to develop your sentences and make it complex in structure but not to the point that its a run on sentence.  
  
Hope this helps.
**TOPIC:** *INCREASING NUMBER OF PEOPLE ARE CHOOSING COSMETOLOGY SURGERY TO IMPROVE THEIR APPEARANCE?WHAT ARE THE REASONS?DO YOU THINK IS IT A POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE DEVELOPMENT?*  
  
## the popularity of cosmetic surgery - what are the reasons?

  
  
Media influence on a society has risen dramatically to such an extent that most people are attracted towards cosmetic surgery to change their outlook.Major reasons for this negative trend are the impact of today's fashion industry on our society and the marriage trend in some countries.  
  
The world of fashion and beauty has a drastic effect on the thinking of today's generation.It does not let us embrace our imperfections.People think that being beautiful from outside is a necessity nowadays.For such reasons, the common men prefer to have great looks.Thus, choosing cosmetic surgery for even minor deformities, such as, to reduce scarring on face, uplifting loose skin, removing facial hairs permanently etc.  
  
The second reason is the marriage criteria in some Asian countries is totally dependent on the looks of an individual.Hence, unwillingly many young people desire to look flawless, so, they can get good proposals.For instance, In Pakistan and India, the rate of marriage is declining because everyone wants a handsome groom or a perfect bride.Rather focussing on their inner beauty and intelligence.Therefore, many youngsters opt for plastic surgery to enhance their features, such as, botox for lips, glutathione injections for fair complexion and minor operations to elaborate their face cuts/facial cuts? etc.Although, people are satisfied by becoming the epitome of beauty but they are ignoring the fact that all surgeries have some complications as well as contraindications too.  
  
consequently, I believe that this new trend is having a negative impact on societies' thinking and development.It is leading to the fact that being natural is not acceptable and a perfect partner is the one who has no imperfection which is not true at all.  
  
To conclude, the two main reasons for the higher demand of cosmetic surgery is the impact of the fashion world and the lust/urge to marry the perfect ones.Thus, having a bad influence on societies' thinking process and making them forget that natural beauty is best for all and people should adore/love their imperfections with confident.
It so happened that I just posted my essay on the same topic lol! Anyway I really like how you tackled the topic. Personally I couldn't think of such precise example but yours are quite to the point.  
  
"consequently, I believe [...]" I don't know if this was a good stand alone paragraph. Maybe it would've been better to sum it up with the conclusion?  
  
Another thing is that you started talking with "Media" but you never ended bringing it up and expanding on it.  
  
I would really appreciate if you would evaluate my version!
Maryam, you focused so much on presenting more English words in your essay within the word count rather on the quality of your presentation. I always tell the students this repeatedly, "You do not have to write more than 250 words to get an excellent score in the IELTS. You have to write 250 vocabulary appropriate, proof-read, edited, and properly developed words to comprise your essay instead." Writing almost 400 imperfectly presented sentences, improperly spelled words, or incorrect vocabulary word usage in your essay will only serve to lower your overall score to perhaps a non-passing level. That is the problem with the essay that you wrote.  
  
You are starting off paragraphs with small letter instead of capitalized words, you misspelled "focusing" and you used casual writing terms such as "etc." in what is generally an academically worded presentation. You showed a lack of editing and proof reading skills. You present punctuations marks such as the question mark in the middle of a sentence and then follow it up with "etc." showing that you were careless, haphazard, and not really interest in anything other than writing more than the word count and hoping that you could pass the test that way.  
  
If you at least bother to proof read the essay and correct the errors before you submit it for a grade you will show respect for the examiner and a sense of care about the score that you will be getting. Writing just the minimum amount of words, but taking care to submit a proper essay will always get a higher score than someone who wrote more than the minimum but did not make an effort to turn in (almost) perfect paper for scoring.
Hi sir.I am so sorry.actually, by putting question marks I wanted to ask that which word is more suitable. face cuts/facial cuts? lust/ urge, adore/love ?  
  
sir, when I write an essay of approx 270 words then teachers say me that you should present your idea in detail that's why this time I explained a lot.  
  
Thank you for correcting me.Kindly evaluate my essay again if possible and tell me my mistakes.Next time, I will ask at the end of paragraph what I really wanted to ask.thankyou so much.
***More people are interested in cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why? Is it a positive or negative development?***  
  
## why cosmetic surgery is so popular nowadays?

  
  
My reply (295 words):  
  
Plastic surgery has become more popular in the eyes of those who seek to alter their features for the better. This might be true as the trend of these days follows what is more visually appealing. Nonetheless, I do not this trend positive in any way.  
  
With the increased demand for physical perfection and symmetry, people are bound to experiment with unnatural methods to reach their goals. This demand stems from false advertisements that promote beauty standards only a photo-shopping software can create. Young women are usually the most likely to fall for these traps.  
  
Plastic surgeries may appear to be the only solution for increased self-esteem. It is not uncommon to find people, especially adolescents, being bullied for their imperfect exterior looks. While the better option is to attempt visiting specialised psychologists for help, people end up choosing the shortcut, permanently changing their looks. Not only do they comply to their bullies' wishes but they are not certain themselves if such an intervention will boost their self-esteem.  
  
In my opinion, I believe this is a negative trend. People are now never satisfied with their natural beauty regardless. They see those that claim to look natural, on their television screens, and they want to look like them. They have lost their desire to improve upon their state of mind and just want to look more attractive.  
  
To conclude, cosmetic procedures have been proven to be helpful for those who have been deformed from natural or unnatural reasons, such as 1st degree burns. Nevertheless, the pace at which such operations have boomed, to end up being the answer for feeling better about one's appearance, is a disadvantageous development. There needs to be awareness programs to teach the masses, more importantly young girls, that true beauty comes from within and not with a perfect nose bridge.  
  
-what score would I get? and is 294 words too much even though I managed to do so under the timed conditions. Thanks in advance!