dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Sorry if my comment is wrong, or not right. I just want to give some question and comment and exchange knowledge. Give me a feedback if you think i am wrong. I will appreciate that.  
  
1. The diagram ... in United Kingdom(UK) [need an preposition or not "**in**" ]the months of the year.  
  
2. the temperature in ... are contradictory. I look up Oxford dictionary (lexico.com). Read all examples, I think contradictory is used to describe conclusions or data. if you write the sentence "the temperature data of New Zealand and UK are contradictory, I think it is better.  
  
3. From the line graph, it is clear that, -> Should choose one to write in your essay. dont combine them together to increase essay length.  
  
4. the disparity occur highest in July -> grammatical error: (occurs), (the highest or highest)? , i think the suitable word is largest.  
5. 5 degree different. please explain me about the grammar usage.  
6. while at that time in UK is -> Don't need to use "at that time" because "while" describes meaning (direct contrast of the first sentence).  
  
7. "In the period New Zealand become ..." Please explain me the grammar structure is used here. I am so confused.  
  
Hope you will get a high score.
Information technology enables people to do their work outside their workplace  
(e.g. at home, when travelling, etc.).  
Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples for your own knowledge or experience.  
  
Nowadays, information technology plays such a huge role in people's domestic life. This part of technology would be an integral part of human lives. Hence, they may use IT for their works as an opportunity. They can do their works and duties without any physical presence. This issue might have negative and positive sides. The aim of this paper is to look for both sides of this issue.  
  
At the first point, this kind of technology is a significant opportunity for reducing a lot of costs. In fact, employers could be able to manage the amount of costs in this way. Also, they can use this money in other important parts such as achieving their main targets. For one clear example, when people work in their homes, companies do not have to prepare a huge office place. Also, the rate of office costs such as paper, copier and etc. can be saved.  
  
On the other hand, this issue has negative sides. As some experts said, if an employee does not work in the same place, it would be hard to manage their works, it means the process of handling them needs plenty of time. Hence, it would be a good reason for wasting companies' potential such as time and money. However, in the long term, it has a negative impact on the functions of companies. For instance, work together in one place, they would able to share their experiences and attitudes that it would be impossible when they work far away from each other.  
  
In conclusion, information technology has different aspects. sometimes it would be a great opportunity and sometimes it may play an unusable role in the companies.
introduction:  
you wrote 3 sentences to transfer the concept of the topic but it is to some extent vogue. I suggest to just paraphrase the task like the following:  
  
with information technology emerging, people are able to work at their homes. although this development brings drawbacks, in my opinion, it does more good than harm to society.  
  
Information technology has provided people with the opportunity to work at their homes. while it prompts downsides, its upsides deserves more attention.  
  
concerning body 1 or paragraph 2:  
your ideas are not well supported. how it reduces the costs is not well explained. you can say the costs of mobility, or maybe drinking and eating. these are just examples.  
  
you can also mention doing homework such as cleaning, cooking, shopping, upbringing and taking care of children.  
  
I hope you find these comments useful.
## anyone can be exceptional

  
  
**It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for music and sport, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.  
  
Discuss both ideas by giving your opinion**.  
It is commonly claimed that talents such as music and sport are natural gifts, whereas others believe that any individual can become superstar as long as being educated properly. In this essay, I will examine both points of view and express my opinion.  
  
On one hand, it is believed that some people have been prominent in music and sport since they were born. If someone's talent is genetically inherited from his ancestors, he does not need to make further efforts to better his skills. A good illustration is Kasper Schmeichel, whose father is Peter Schmeichel, one of the greatest Danish goalkeepers. Kasper appeared to be gifted from his very early childhood; hence, his potential was quickly seen by Manchester City, starting a professional football career easily.  
  
On the other hand, critics claim that anyone can be brilliant by education and hard work. Thomas Edison, an excellent American inventor, said that: "Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration", which means an effort plays a major part in success. Taking me as an example, I was attributed to be incompetent at math on my grade 11. Only when I met my respectable teacher at the age of 18 was my thirst for math stimulated. By his fascinating and dedicating education, I made progress gradually and passed an entrance exam with mark 9.  
  
In conclusion, both arguments have their own merits. Personally, however, I tend to gravitate towards the latter view that anyone can be exceptional under appropriate circumstances and good preparations.  
  
(251 words)
*Task 2: Example 17: Schools should not force children to learn a foreign language. To what extent do you agree with this statement?*  
  
## foreign language knowledge is a must!

  
  
It is arguable whether or not students should be required to learn foreign languages by educational institutions. From my perspective, i completely agree with this view.  
  
First of all, it is belived that students can derive great benefits from learning other languages. For example, English is deemed to be the most prevalent language in the world, thus if we have understanding of it, we will gain more chances to communicate with foriegners, and narrow the gap between 2 countries. Beside, it is apparent fact that people who tend to have knowledge of foreign languages could be prioritized and obtained a well-paid job, even the job progression in many companies because those people are able to meet the demand for communication with other nations. For this reason, the option of learning overseas languages is of importance for people in globalised world.  
  
Second of all, i also believe that people who are not learned about language-related subjects are likely to have fewer choices in today's world. In some underprivileged countries like Africa, for instance, children are deprived of chances to study foreign languages because this is sometimes prohibitively expensive and beyond what their families manage to afford. As a result, these youngsters would not find a optimum profession, even be unemployable due to high needs of people having ability to know various languages from a large number of corporations. Educational institutions, therefore, should provide more occasions for student to be exposed to the foreign languages, leading to a well-trained workforce in the future.  
  
In conclusion, i totally agree that teenagers should be forced to learn more foreign languages because of its undeniable benefits.
## retirement decision

  
  
**Topic:**  
*"Some people think that elderly people should be forced to retire at a certain age, such as 65. Others say that people should be allowed to work for as long as they are able and want to. Discuss both sides of this argument and then give your own opinion."*  
  
Nowadays, as the population grows time after time, some people believe that elderly people should be forced to retire at the age around 65. Others have a different point of view; they think it is up to the people to decide how long do they want to work. The following essay is going to discuss both sides of the argument and then give a conclusion at the end.  
  
Since medical technology gets better through generations, the population of the elderly increase. Some people think in order to allow young labor force to add in the industry, the old labor force has to move out to clear out space for young adults. Others think that when the human body gets to a certain age, it is impossible for people to have the strength to face the problems at work. To eliminate the issue, it is best to avoid elders to work after a certain age.  
  
As technology improves, people could live longer which means that after people get old, there is still a long while before their life ended. In that case, some elder think that they won't have other interest that is as important as their work. Others think it is one people's free will to choose if they want to keep working when they grow old or not.  
  
In conclusion, both opinions have their pros and cons it is the perspective that matters. However, I support that people should have the free will to decide when do they retire. It is people's right to make the decision that affects their life.  
  
*Feel free to give me any advice. I will be grateful for your help.*
@Snoopy Jr  
Hello. I'll try my best to give you critical feedback for your essay.  
  
Firstly, I suggest revising the structure of your first paragraph. The flow is quite messy because of the lack of transition words and phrases in between heavy thesis-like lines. If you can be more specific, it would be better for your writing endeavors because it'll permit you to be more focused on substantive information. You can, for instance, omit the last line here because it's quite unnecessary.  
  
As for the body paragraphs, try focus on simplifying your lines a lot more. It appears to heavy on the eyes of readers when you simply focus too much on hefty details throughout.  
  
Try to also add more examples throughout your writing.  
  
Best of luck!
@Snoopy Jr  
Hi, i try to correct some phrases, i hope it will be helpful to you. :)  
  
1.as the population grows ~~time after time~~,again and again?  
2.some people believe that .....while others ...  
3.*Since medical technology gets ...*  
As medical advances and technological developments have helped people to live longer...  
4.~~As technology improves~~  
With the advance of technology
There are lines that are unnecessary and should be removed or replaced. Like this one ~~"Nowadays, as the population grows time after time"~~, you should focus more on the content rather than these lengthy lines. The more straight the better! " both sides of the argument " should turn to " both perspectives " because it is more straight . forward and short! And just like Maria said, it lack of linking words, so it is quite messy! Hope you will do better in future :)
*Hello everyone, please help me because I am just a newbie.*  
  
## some professions should be more profitable

  
  
**Question:** Professionals like doctors, teachers and lawyers contribute equally to society with non-professionals including entertainers and sports people. Thus, they should receive equal pay. Agree or disagree?  
  
**Essay:**  
It is argued that jobs such as doctors, teachers, and lawyers help society the same as entertainers and players. Therefore, they should get paid equally. I completely disagree with this statement and I think that professionals should get a higher salary. (is this ok?)  
  
On the one hand, saying that entertainers and players are worthy to get paid fairly to professionals is true. In fact, entertaining is not an easy job, artists have to make people laugh as well as keep the audiences stick to them. Many think that entertainers were born with talents, but they also have to work diligently, practice all the time to become a better of themselves. Besides, the media is maybe a fertile land for artists to make money but also dangerous somewhat. Just some graceless behavior or uncomely words can end the whole career of an artist. Thus, they have to be very viligant to everything they do, which also looks like doctors.  
  
However, I still stick to my opinion that occupations such as doctors, teachers, and lawyers should be paid higher. Firstly, those jobs demanding a high amount of knowledge and carefulness. This kind of carefulness is of course way higher than the carefulness of the artists. If artists are not careful, audiences just get unsatisfied, but if doctors, teachers, and lawyers are not fully careful and concentrate, it causes a disaster. Doctors forgot removing a needle in a body, that person dies. Teachers often use bad language in the class, that generation goes down. Lawyers can not protect its client due to lack of knowledge, no more justice in the world. Thus, professional jobs require a high responsibility.  
  
In conclusion, although artists have to work very hard and diligent to make a living, professional jobs are more sensible to be get paid higher.(301 words)  
  
*I will be really grateful if you comment in my essay. Thank you very much for reading this!*
## those responsible of environment protection

  
  
The environment is becoming more pollution in recent year, which at an alarming level. This problem makes the whole society concerned about. People finding out the solutions to improve this problem and there is an idea that individuals can do nothing to improve the environment; only governments and large companies can make a difference. I absolutely disagree with this idea because of the following reasons.  
  
The first noticeable reason is individuals can do a lot of things to improve environmental pollution such as recycling plastic, gaining trash and deal with it. Meanwhile, the government just can give the campaign to requires citizens to do or establish some rules to protect the environment. Without individuals, the government can not do anything. People are the main reason which makes the environment polluted so they also responsible for this problem. They must have more awareness about protecting the environment to change their activities. Each person should be conscious of and competent at curbing the amount of garbage dumped, the whole society can go green. If only bases on supporting governments and big companies, it will difficult to reach good results.  
  
Admittedly, in solving some large-scale problems like deforestation and greenhouse effect, the government and big companies should fully harness their technology and power to come up with strategic plans. The big companies also help protect the environment by change method produce more friendly with the environment. However, it just a small part in reduce environmental pollution. Individuals still play an important role in hand out this problem.  
  
With the mentioned- above reasons, I still totally disagree with this idea. Both individuals and the government should responsible for improve and protect the environment. Will start from the small activities!
Hi,  
I'm here to try my best to give you feedback on this essay. However, it's just my personal opinion and not always correct  
  
... becoming more polluted in recent years , ~~which~~ at an alarming level.  
People find out the solutions to tackle this ...  
  
... lot of things to reduce environmental ...  
... the government can just give the campaign or establish some rules to encourage citizens to protect the environment.  
... awareness of protecting ...  
  
Admittedly, in terms of some large-scale ... fully harness ~~their~~  technology ...  
... environment by making methods of ...  
However, it is just a small part in reducing environmental ...  
  
With the mentioned reasons above, I still totally ...  
... government should be responsible for improving and protecting the environment. ~~Will start from the small activities!~~ I believe that even the smallest effort still can make a positive impact.  
  
I'm not a native speaker but hopefully this can help you. Best of luck !
## art and music position in the modern world

  
  
*Topic: Art and music are considered some of fundamental of all societies. Do you think art and music still have a place today's modern world of technologies? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?*  
  
Answer:  
It is clear that the role of art and music in modern societies is a subject of extremely debatable topics because of their effects on human lives. Although art and music still play an integral part in the fast-pace life style, spending more time on them is not worthy.  
  
At any time, all forms of art are imperative to development's society. First, art and music are important key to ensure human development. For instance, as our knowledge about our history from the beginning of civilization is strengthened through many valuable things, including architectures, music and sculptures, which predecessors had left, next generations could be able to understand about their origin in the same way. Second, they bring positive effects on curing health problems. In fact, in order to improve some mental health issues, such as insomnia, listening special type of music is supposed to be the best method that contributes to alleviating stresses thanks to some hormones released while listening music.  
  
However, spending more time on art and music doesn't offer net positive benefit. For one reason, this trend might cause wasting resources. Since only gifted person get fully benefits from extra hours learning art and music, there is significant wasting of time of the other people who are not interested in learning deeply in art and music. For another reason, the two subjects are not as important as other subjects. Actually, spending more time on learning art and music comes as an expense of diminishing time for other more critical subjects, like mathematic and chemistry, which might negatively impact to future career of children since scientific-related jobs are always in high demand in compared with being musician or artist.  
  
In conclusion, although art and music are key factors that ensure the development of human race, spending too much time on these subjects at school leads to detrimental consequences for communities. By using an appropriate amount of time, children can definitely take all advantages of learning art and music.
## the relationship between human and animals

  
  
IELTS Writing Task 2  
Wild animals have no use in the 21st century and trying to preserve animals now is just wastage of money.  
  
In modern society, there is a perspective that animals have not had useful value so that protecting animals is not worthy and cost a lot of money. It seems there is a little element truth in it, However, in my opinion, conserving animals equals to the development of human beings. If all animals are extinct, the last one must be human.  
  
In the spite of the prosperity of automatic machine, we much less rely on animals to hunt and grow grains in agriculture than we used to in the past, instead of few places where it is far away from the cities. As a result, every year people spend a lot of money on nature reserve in preserving them. The other side is quite opposite. Animals are vital for keeping the biodiversity including human beings. Due to the interaction with distinctive animals, the ecosystem remains on a balanced condition. For instance, people eat fishes and fishes catch shrimps and shrimps get microorganism. Biodiversity help all creature in a harmonious situation.  
  
On the other hand, animals are enough smart so that they have many emotion in common with people .To illustrate, grief occurred many animals when their child and participants died ,seeing the body in the sad eye. Even though many scientists have not admitted that animals can create grief. There is a great deal of truth that love can be seen by heart.  
  
What is more, there will have much more discoveries found by people to help us cope with the relationship between human and animals. Nevertheless, with the development of science, we have made strides in exploring from Satellites to undersea. Undeniably, animals provided a lot of materials to human. Meanwhile ,greenhouse warming and environment pollution caused by human have an enormous impact on animals, with the loss of nature inhabitant and the decease of food. To some extent, the protection of animals is also to help ourselves  
  
In summary, with more and more serious influence on animals, human should be obliged to keep on wild animals in the proper amount and diversity. Though life is limited,human must benefit for the next generation.
Hi Lucy,  
I have some comment to your essay. As a disclaimer, I am not a native English speaker so I welcome all corrections from other members of the forum.  
  
-There are some words and phrases that I consider incorrect or inappropriate :  
".................have not had useful value so that" so that = in order that. Recommendation: "so"  
"As a result, every year...." - "However,.../Nevertheless" (more logical)  
where it is - that are (grammar)  
"The other side is quite opposite" - can be written in a more straightforward way  
"enough smart" - smart enough (grammar)
some unnecessary words  
--> ~~It seems~~ there is a little element truth in it...  
  
It will be better if you state " I disagree that ..." in the first paragraph to make your position clear.  
  
The coherence in the second paragraph is not strong.  
For example:  
we muchless rely on animals to hunt and grow grains in agriculture**-->???** As a result, every year people spend a lot of money on nature reserve  
  
The third paragraph doesn't make sense to me. Maybe you need to rephrase it.  
  
The conclusion only needs to mention your previous point instead of creating new ones.  
  
Best hope for your test.  
考試加油!!!
*Hi everyone, I am Lynn and I am new here. I would appreciate if you can leave your comments to my below essay. Many thanks*  
  
**Write a paragraph base on the following questions:  
1. What is poverty like in today's world?  
2. What do many people think poverty cause?  
3. What do you believe?  
4. What is the first reason for their misconception?  
5. And the result?  
6. What other reason can I add?  
7. What is my conclusion?**  
  
## offenses against the law connected with poverty

  
  
According to data from World Bank, the world is becoming richer with people living in extreme poverty is decreasing rapidly from 44% in 1981 to under 10% in 2015. However, there is still a stigma attached to poverty today i.e. poverty is the main cause of crime. In my opinion, this is a misconception.  
  
First of all, it may be logical to assume that extremely poor people can't manage to earn enough money for food and necessity legally so they are willing to break the law to make both ends meet but with more and more poor people escaping the living condition with less than $1.90 per day, this assumption has become a bias. Secondly, wealthy people tend to be well-educated and understand the legal system better than low-income people. As a result, in case they commit a crime, they are better at concealing it. Finally, if a rich man get caught doing something illegal, he can afford to hire top lawyers to defense him in court while a poor man in the same situation cannot do the same thing.  
  
For the above reasons, poverty can not be considered the main cause of crime. We have to avoid judging anyone base on his income to ensure that everyone is treated fairly in the justice system.