dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## consequences of the World Population Growth

  
  
*The continued rise in the world's population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time.  
What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?*  
  
It has been hotly discussed nowadays that the accrual of the total global population becomes a severe problem to humanity. There are many valid causes account for the increasing number, as well as the serious consequences are contributed by them.  
  
As a matter of fact, the birth rate is decreasing in developed countries these years, while it is remaining statistically high in developing countries. Various reasons lead to the current condition. Firstly, the medical service in third countries is unadvanced and insufficient to help maternities. They couldn't have the chances to decide whether to keep babies or not. Secondly, society mainly depends on manual labors to support economics. Hence, the bigger the family is, the more productive they are. Finally, some religions have particular beliefs that abortion and birth control are immoral.  
  
As far as I am concerned, the increasing population is the origin of all the potential threats to humanity. The most challenging consequence is how badly people are demanding natural resources and causing numerous damages to the environment, such as pollution and the extinction of animals. Apart from it, the most direct impact will be faced by the human being is the shortage of food. As the demand consistently increases, global hunger will introduce to people shortly when there is insufficient land to produce provision.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that we are generally facing the consequences of the rising population over the world. Unless there are steps to tackle with it, not only human but also the living creatures on the planet will sooner suffer from catastrophic disaster. (260words)
@jocelyn wang  
Hello. I hope you're learning from the feedback you're gathering here. I'm here to provide you with writing feedback on this essay.  
  
Firstly, I still find that the structure of your sentences can be improved if you keep a balanced approach to writing. Right off the bat, the first paragraph lacks a bit of direction when it comes to this part. Notice how you have squeezed all the information into two sentences when you could have had smaller chunks of it.  
  
Furthermore, try to also be consistent with he tone and the perspective you're taking on in the essay. Notice how you switched your perspective midway in the second paragraph. If you're consistently taking on an outsider's insight, you can opt to keep it this way.
## reading more profitable than spending time by the screen

  
  
**Some people think reading stories in books is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
It is argued that whether the benefits of spending times on books outweigh those of using computers or TV for entertainment. Although the latter has positive effects on children, I believe that distributing more time on reading is better-off to them.  
  
Watching TV and play computers are always attractive because of their various content. On TV, many programs on different topics enable children to choose their most favorite ones. Boys prefer topics about a robot, while girls like to watch programs about cooking. Computer games also provide huge choices such as car racing and gunfight. Besides, TV can deliver knowledge faster than reading, since it can quickly update recent news and broadcasts to everyone around the world.  
  
However, I strongly prefer a child to read in several reasons. First, children spend too much time watching electronic devices, causing the age of serious shortsighted children going down each year. When they grew up, it will even become a serious health issue that may cause them blind. Second, finishing a whole story takes hours, helping the children to develop their brain ability such as memorizing knowledge and interpreting complex information. The early-developed skills help them to outperform people in same ages on the context of career development. According to recent studies, scientists find out that the earlier people read, the greater the possibility of they succeed in work.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that encouraging people in their early ages to read stories helps them to have a well-developed brain status and avoid the dependent on TV or computers.
I think you should focus more on why you agree that reading is better for children. The second paragraph is talking about the advantages of watching TV and playing computer games, but this question is 'to what extent do you agree or disagree' instead of asking you to discuss both sides.  
  
Although the latter has positive ...  
-->why computers and TV have positive effects on children? this conclusion is sudden and makes me lost the flow.  
  
Watching TV and playing computers ...  
  
However, I strongly prefer ...  
-->I strongly believe that reading is better for children for several reasons. This sentence sounds like you prefer a child and that's weird. Also, you use a child in this sentence while children in the next.  
  
... causing the age of serious ...  
-->the age of having serious shortsighted goes down year by year.  
  
..., ~~scientists find out that~~ the earlier people start to read, the greater ~~the possibility of~~ they succeed ~~in~~ on work.
## unhealthy life style

  
  
TOPIC:The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issue involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
  
In order to deal with the widely focused problem of the growing population of overweight people, some people propose to introduce more physical education lessons in schools. I firmly support this proposal to tackle the health issue of overweight for students, but not so effective for those who have already graduated.  
  
Admittedly, to introduce PE lessons in school is the best way to deal with the health issue surrounding obesity and weight problems of students in terms of both an instant effect and a long-term result. For short term, this method will ensure a certain period of time for sports and exercise at school. By introducing benefits of the exercise and techniques of some particular sports in PE lessons, students will be more willing to do sports, enjoy sports and gradually develop the habit of doing sports both in and out of class. Currently, however, sports time for students is only about twice a week in average, far from enough to counteract the otherwise sedentary lifestyle. Therefore, such a method that can effectively increase sports time will undoubtedly make students fitter and more active. For long term, students' developed habit and interest that have been incorporated into their daily life during school years will be maintained after graduation and what is more, filter through to other members in their family, thus expanding the population of sport. For instance, a father keen on sport will certainly fail to conceal this passion and otherwise manage to attract their children by displaying the charm of strength and veracity and exquisite techniques in a particular sport. In this way, the habit of doing sports is passed from generation to generation. Therefore, this is a natural and lasting way to promote a healthy life style and to improve public health.  
  
However, those who have graduated contribute a large part to the total population of the overweight but they cannot have a PE lesson like students. For these people, apart from advertising in social media to spread knowledge of health, it can be an effective way to offer subsidies to the gyms and shops of sport facilities so as to lower the price and thus encourage people to do sports.  
  
In conclusion, to introduce more physical education lessons in schools is perfect to control the increasing number of overweight population of the next generation by improving their life style, but for graduates, measures aforementioned could be more effective.
## threat to our world

  
  
Many people believe that our world is badly affectes by global warming, that can cause danger to human, animals, plants and climate. In this essay, i will explain the causes and consider what to this problem.  
  
One of the main reason is many factories in the world emit a huge of greenhouse gases, that makes the ozonlayer thiner and thiner, so there are more lights from sun to Earth. Consequently, the temperature will be increased gradually day by day. Another reason is the forestation, the portion of covering forest are fallen with the high speed. For instance, the forests cover about 14,3 million ha in Vietnam in 1943 but in 2000 it was just about 11,8 million ha woodland.  
  
however, there are a number of solution to reduce the global warming affect. The nation leaders should enhance the mindset os civilant about protecting environment like cultivating trees or saving forests. The authorities must becom new laws that limit the amount of gas emissions from factories and households and encourage more and more people use public transports like bus, taxi to not only reduce gases, but also can remove traffic jams  
  
inconclusion, for the reasons above, global warming is a threat to our world but we can advoid it if we aware of saving more plants, having decrees on limiting exhausting fumes and awareness of saving Earth is prime purpose
@Tienhjhjhj0201  
From my perspective, you have some grammar errors in your essay. For example, should be "a huge amount of greenhouse gases"  
  
and we cannot put a comma before "that" in the first sentence of your first body paragraph. I recommend you to rewrite something like "One of the main reasons contributed to global warming is that many factories can release a huge amount of greenhouse gases, which ..... As a result/Consequently...  
  
Regards,  
Thang
Hello everyone! This is my first time posting an essay in this forum. I hope to get some help with the IELTS writing tasks. It would be great if you could give me detailed feedback and scores for all 4 marking criteria. Thank you very much:)  
  
## statistics of car owners

  
  
*The chart below shows the proportions of adults in Canada who own one car, two cars, more than two cars, or who do not own a car.  
  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.*  
  
The pie chart depicts the segmentation of Canadian adults into 4 groups according to the number of cars they own.  
  
Overall, it can be seen that an overwhelming majority of adults in Canada (almost 85%) own at least one car. In comparison, the proportion of adults not owning their own car in Canada is much smaller.  
  
People owning private four-wheelers have been further divided into 3 categories - those with one, two or more than two cars. The most noticeable information is that more than half of the adults in this North American country, about 55% to be more precise, own a single car. Looking at the graph, it is clear that people owning multiple cars are fewer in number. Just a quarter of the people in the research own two cars. Furthermore, adult Canadians possessing more than two owned cars form an even more marginal group. They represent only 5% of all Canadian adults.  
  
While car ownership is widespread and only a small fraction of people do not possess a private car, at 15%, their number is not insignificant. Canada still has some way to go before all its adults become car owners.  
  
*
To me, you have a great score on the four sections.  
  
You just need to avoid some small errors like unneeded words.  
  
-->of the adults in this ~~North American~~ country  
  
-->Looking at the graph, ~~it is clear that~~ people  
  
-->adult ~~Canadians~~ possessing more  
  
The biggest and most common mistake in your article is the last sentence, it seems that you make an argument that can not be FOUND in the pie chart.  
  
-->**Canada still has some way to go before all its adults become car owners.**  
  
Overall the article is perfect~~  
  
Good luck to your IELTS!!!
fairtrade-labeled coffee and bananas  
  
imgur.com/a/jNZieyx  
The tables given provide the information about the sales of fairtrade-labeled coffee and bananas in five European countries, including UK, Switzerland, Denmark, Belgium, and Sweden, in 1999 and 2004.  
  
As for the sales of coffee, the five countries all saw an increase from 1999 to 2004. In 1999, Switzerland sold the greatest amount of fairtrade coffee among the five countries. Meanwhile, in 2004, the UK had the highest sales of fairtrade coffee, and the country also experienced the most dramatic increase of fairtrade coffee sales, 1.5 million euros in 1999 and 20 million euros in 2004, comparing to the other four countries. In contrast, Sweden had the lowest sales of fairtrade coffee in the five countries in 1999 and 2004.  
  
Regarding to the sales of bananas, Switzerland, the UK, and Belgium saw a growth of fairtrade bananas sales from 1999 to 2004. Switzerland took the first place of selling bananas both in 1999 and 2004. In comparison, Belgium sold the least amount of fairtrade bananas in 1999, and Denmark ranked the last in 2004. Besides, the UK saw the most remarkable increase of selling fairtrade bananas from 1999 to 2004, from 1 million euro to 5.5 euros, which was a growth more than five times.
Try to post the picture on your article next time~  
  
In your introduction, try to rephrase the sentence instead of copying it.  
  
In the second paragraph, you can express the changes in percentage.  
It's much straightforward to name the differences.  
  
... *from 1 million euro to 5.5 euros*, **which was a growth more than five times.**  
--> two sentences are redundant. leave one of them is enough.  
  
Overall you make a clear comparison between the sales of different items.  
Good luck to your preperation~  
  
*
## the idea to tax car owners

  
  
In order to solve traffic problems, governments should tax private car owners heavily and use the money to improve public transportation.  
What are the advantages and disadvantages of such a solution?"  
  
Upgrading transport infrastructure by allocating money from Rasing tax on vehicles especially on private car is considered to be an effective solution by the governments.This essay will examine both benefits and drawbacks of that solution .  
  
On the one hand, the escalation individual car tax might cause indignation and exasperation . In fact ,some middle income and low income people already struggle with other expenditures such as on electricity or. water bill, which gradually increase due to the growth of the economy. In particular circumstances, those monthly payment not mentioned the transportation tax account on more than half of the total income of the breadwinner. The consequence is that it will worsen the relationship between the authorities and the citizens.Therefore,it is understandable that the mentioned solution might have reversed effects ,which can deteriorate the current situation.  
  
On the other hand this policy may impede environmental degradation in some aspects.For instance, people who daily commute to work by private means of transport may consider using public transports as the alternatives since continuing driving cars to offices may cause a financial burden . In addition, there would be considerable renovation and modernization in terms of public transport facilities, which will ultimately reduce traffic congestion and air pollution.As a result this rule can benefit the community in different ways as well as combating global warming ,which is a head spliting issue human race have to tackle.  
  
To sums up, this solution will inevitably bring both advantage and disadvatage,so the government should cautiously consider its efficacy before officially enacting.
## the way goods were transported in the uk

  
  
the graph compares the amount of good transported in the UK from 1974 to 2002 included road, water, rail, pipeline  
  
Overall, it can be clearly seen that almost goods were transported by road and water than carried by rail and pipeline  
  
According to the graph, in 1974, more than 70 tonnes of goods were transported by road and increased slightly to over 80 tonnes of goods in 1990. From 1990 to 1994, the amount of goods transported by road were dropped under 80 tonnes; however, it climbed significantly to near 100 tonnes of goods. The amount of goods were transported by water were gradual increased and reached over 60 tonnes, expect year 1998 which decreased to about 50 tonnes  
  
The line of rail transportation were rocky. The use of rail system of carrying goods were reduced in years after, but then, it remained 40 tonnes of goods like 1974. Finally, goods transported by pipeline system were raise steadily to over 20 tonnes
the graph compares ~~the amount of good~~ **the number of goods** transported ... ~~included~~ **including** road, water, rail, pipeline (**Explain**: *The amount of mass noun, the number of count noun, goods are a plural noun (count noun)*  
  
... seen that ~~almost~~ **most** goods were transported by **two means of** road and water **more** than ~~carried by~~ **the other means**  
  
..., in 1974, (*more than*) **above** 70 tonnes ... by **via** road and ...  
..., ~~the amount of~~ **the number of**goods transported ~~by~~  **on** road were dropped ...  
~~The amount of~~  **the quantity of** goods ~~were~~ **was** transported by ~~water~~ **ships/ waterway system** were gradual increased and reached **at** over 60 tonnes. ~~expect~~ **By** ~~year~~ 1998, ~~which~~ **it** decreased to ...  
  
The use of rail system ~~of carrying goods~~ **for good transportation** ~~were~~ **was** reduced ...  
... pipeline system ~~were raise~~ **rose** steadily ...
## number of touristic enquiries

  
  
The line chart illustrate the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in a city over six month in 2011.Enquiries were received via letter,telephone or person.During this period, enquiries via person and letter increased but the number of enquiries via telephone felt.  
  
In 2011,the number of enquiries in person just over 400 in January but in June,thạt number increased reach about 1900 .And the number of enquiries via telephone had a similar trend as in person,there were about 900 enquiries in January and it soared reach 1600 enquiries.  
  
Besides, the number of inquiries by letter or email had downward trend.In January,there were over 800 enquiries and then June,that number decreased to about 400 enquiries.  
  
In general,in 2011,there was an increased of enquiries via telephone and in person while the number of enquiries by letter or email felt.
@hohatrang2002  
Hello there. Welcome to the forum. I'll be giving you writing feedback on your essay. I hope you find this helpful - and if you do, you can come back for more!  
  
The first thing I want you to pay attention to is the retainment of an academic tone and language when writing. Do not simply write without a particular tone in mind as this makes your text appear to be rather cluttered. For readers, messy chunks of text would make your essay difficult to comprehend and dissect.  
  
You also do not need to give blunt analysis by describing everything that's on a graph or table. Focusing simply on one thing can assist you to furnish the entire text already.
**TOPIC: Many people go to university for academic study. More people should be encouraged to do a vacational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## qualifications needed

  
  
It is true that the number of young people who have pursuited academic study increase substantially recently. However, not all of job require undergraduated students but some of them prioritize people having more practical experience and skills. I believe that going to university for academic study or doing a vacational training depend on what sort of job you want to work in the future.  
  
There a couple of supporting ideas for the view of academic pursuit. The transparent proof is that most of high-ranking management positions in well-known conglomerates necessitate academic study. These intellectual personnels are suitably qualified to work in professional fields as well as have a superb vision, strategy and management skill. Besides, some other careers relate to health or people such as doctors, teachers or engineers must graduate from universities or colleges. They will become an erudite expert in their own field. Doctor is the job need much more years attending in class, for example, and they have to intership in hositals to enhance exprerience and skill. If the doctor is not trained well and careful, some negative effective will be happening.  
  
On the other hands, I am convinced that it is not necessary study at university to seek a job, but people joining vacational training will have applied for a position. Firstly, if a large number of youngsters enroll in vacational training courses, workforce misbalance can be cope with. Currently, more and more universities allow students being under qualified to involve in. Futhermore, some students have a liking for practicing and expreriencing rather study theories and sujects at school. It is untrue that they are not intelligent but they are talented in different jobs, such as manual work. As a result, parents and teachers should encourage and orient them to study a vacational training course early. One example is Thomas Edison, who did not take part in any schools and studied himself at home, invented more than 2,000 inventions in his wholelife.  
  
In conclusion, I agree that choosing academic study or vacational training depend people's decision about their future career.
Hi Chaule,  
  
I suppose the topic is vocational traning not vacational training. There are some spelling mistakes and misuses(verb or noun, adj. or adv.) in your essay. For example,  
  
who have pursued academic study increases ...  
... or doing a vocational training depends on ...  
  
... they have to take internship in hospitals to enhance ...  
... and carefully, some negative effects ...  
  
On the other hand, ....[/i]  
  
Best wishes,  
Jocelyn
## the greenhouse as gas emission source

  
  
The first pie chart shows the percentage of household energy which used by the Australian and the second chart illustrates the greenhouse as emission.  
  
Overall, no matter the use of household energy or the household greenhouse gas emission, the three energy which were heating, water heating and other appliance also account for the highest position.  
  
It is clear that heating account for the highest percentages in the household energy use, which was 42%. Followed by water heating and other appliance. The former energy hold 30% of the energy usage while the latter hold half less than the former one. However, cooling only occupy 2% of household energy use in Australia.  
  
Although Australian always use heating, it didn't occupy the highest proportion in the household greenhouse gas emission, it only account for 15%. Water heating hold the highest percentage in greenhouse gas emission, which is doubled of the heating. Other appliance was followed by water heating, it constituted 28% in the Australian household greenhouse gas emission.
1.You can paraphase the question at the beginning of the essay  
2. ... other appliance also account for ...  
I think 'also' is a bit awkward because you're not mentioning like A, and also B  
3. ... energy holds 30% of ... the latter holds half of ~~less than~~ the former one.  
Water heating holds  
4. Although most Australian ~~always~~ use heating for household energy, it didn't occupy ... gas emission. In fact, it only accounts for 15%.