dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Elnur, the way I teach my students to write these essays is to have them avoid writing a comprehensive personal explanation of their opinion at the end of the prompt paraphrase. That is because the prompt paraphrase should never be more than an explanation of your understanding of the following:  
  
1. The topic for the discussion  
2. The reason for the discussion  
3. The instructions for the discussion  
  
While some teachers will say that you should not indicate a repeat of the instructions in the opening paraphrase because is looks like a "memorized phrase", in actuality, the examiner expects you to render an explanation of the prompt discussion instruction as part of the English comprehension considerations for the test. It only becomes a memorized phrase because students tend to use the same explanation for the instructions discussion instead of using more complex forms of sentence discussions for it. If you cannot explain what you are supposed to write about, how can the examiner be sure that you will be properly responding to the prompt right? It's all part of the task accuracy test.  
  
Also, the instructions for the essay, indicates a 5 paragraph response since the maximum explanatory body of paragraphs requires a maximum 3 paragraph presentations of no less than 3 sentences and no more than 5 sentences. You are not supposed to offer a personal opinion at the end of every paragraph. You are supposed to present a solid analytical personal paragraph presentation towards the end of the essay. That is why this essay type requires the 5 paragraph format.  
  
Your essay suffers from GRA issues. You have several punctuation problems where you use a comma instead of a period which cause confusion when reading the essay. You also have missing subjects in a few presentations that depict actions but not the subject being discussed so the reader is left wondering about what you are trying to say.  
  
Basically, this is a good start for a practice test. There is room for improvement and I do not doubt that I can guide you well into becoming a successful exam taker provided to continue to diligently practice, listen to the advice given, and apply it to your work for continued improvement.
**In some countries, teenagers are encouraged to do part-time jobs by some people. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
## full commitment toward study

  
  
In some states, there is argue that teenagers should get the part-time jobs. This essay will discuss both side of the views and my opinion.  
  
On the one hand, there are several reasons why doing the part-time job is good for teenagers. Firstly this help them to develop social and communication skills which are the essential skills for their life as a whole. As we all know that most of the job nowadays require facing people, so without acquiring and mastering the above skills they are nearly impossible to complete their tasks in the workplace.  
  
On the other hand, some people believe that the part-time job will bring detrimental effects to the student so thus the idea should be discouraged. Perhaps one of the major negative impact to the young people would be to their academic result. It is well known that in present student are exhausted on their school works so anything that distract their study such as part-time job should be prohibited.  
  
In my opinion, unless there is any financial difficult, teenagers should not give any of their precious study time to the part-time job. Instead they should spend their time on their study and even they have any leisure time, it would be wiser to spend it for other physical or social activities with their friends and classmates. There is not necessary to gain any working experience from the part-time job as that will be acquired when they are eventually join to the workforce after graduated.  
  
In conclusion, while doing part-time jobs could let teenagers to gain some skills which may useful for their life as a whole, that activities could lead them fail to their academic study in the worst case scenario. So in my opinion young people should focus on their study and spend their time on other activities instead of a part-time job.
Helloo smally01.., thank you for posting your essay here. Well, let me start with the opening paragraph. As we know, IELTS suggests candidates to learn paraphrase the question if they want to start writing their introduction. From your model essay, I think you have failed to do so although you have tried ones. Let me give you an example of how you need to paraphrase the question: *The idea that part-time jobs are the activities that youngsters should get involved in is the most valued by some people while some tend to disagree with this idea*. After you paraphrase the background information, then it is your task to state your claim known as thesis statement.   
  
This essay will discuss both side of the views and my opinion.  
is commonly found in students essay. Since then, I am afraid that this phrase can be categorized as one of the memorized phrases. I suggest you to rewrite this. Again, let me give you an example for how to write a thesis statement: *Although part-time jobs give teenagers experience, such jobs bring detrimental effects on both mental and physical health of the youngsters* If you merge the background and the thesis, then they would be like this: *The idea that part-time jobs are the activities that youngsters should get involved in is the most valued by some people while some tend to disagree with this idea. Although part-time jobs give teenagers experience, such jobs bring detrimental effects on both mental and physical health of the youngsters.* When it comes to body paragraphs, then you'd better start developing your paragraph with a clear topic sentence. Then it is followed by claim, evidence and reason. Instead of pointing more reasons as you wrote above, you'd better choose one idea only and narrow it down. This is what you need to do for the next writing you have. Hope this helps :D  
  
Regards,  
  
*- Eddy Suaib, an IELTS teacher of Kampung Inggris Pare Kediri, Indonesia.*
Hi Eddy, thanks for your comments. It is true that my opening paragraph is fail to IELTS requirement.  
  
No mean to criticize, as an IELTS teacher your recommendation of the paraphrasing and thesis should be of no problem at all, I just confused if I have to state the reasoning (experiences, detrimental effects, etc) to the introduction paragraph instead of only mentioning them on the body paragraphs.  
  
I just not sure if I stated my topic sentences clear (definitely not according to your comments above):  
2nd: part-time job good for teenagers as this train their social and communication skills  
3rd: part-time job bad for teenagers as this lead them fail on their academic results  
4th: my opinion on doing part-time job, which teenagers time should only spend on study or other activities but a part-time job.  
  
Thanks again for your comments and I hope I can do it better next time.
Dear all,  
Here is my practice IELTS task 2. I will be appreciated if you could give me some advice from the perspective of a native speaker. Thank you!  
  
## Living abroad

  
  
**Write about the following topic:  
Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.**  
  
My essay:  
Many people believe that living abroad results in social problems. Although I agree there are many drawbacks living in a foreign country, I believe it is possible to prevent and solve the problem and I will not see it in a negative way.  
  
There are many difficulties that foreigners encounter, such as loneliness, language barrier, and cultural differences. From my personal experience living in Mexico as a foreigner for two years, I had experienced all the challenges. For example, most Latin people are not always punctual or honest. Foreigners usually feel offended and upset when they do not keep their promises. The culture shock sometimes made me feel worse homesick and more struggle when I tried to communicate the problem with an unfamiliar language.  
  
However, I would still argue it is beneficial for both foreigners and the society. The experience could help not only foreigners but also local people widen their knowledge base and become more flexible in the future. Take myself, for example, I have learned to observe people from their actions instead of their words. I also become less judgemental while facing new problems because I know it is important to be humble and respectful all the time. This attitude can also help to eliminate misunderstanding and reduce potential social problems.  
  
In conclusion, I agree living in a foreign country is never easy but I believe it will not lead to serious problems by knowing how to adjust mindset whether being a foreigner or accepting foreigners in our hometown.
Wen, you immediately failed this task. Although you did write more than the required number of words, you are not discussing the prompt from the angle by which was indicated in the original instructions. You have misunderstood what the topic for discussion is.  
  
Actual topic: Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems.  
Actual Subject: Having to speak a foreign language while living in a foreign country.  
  
Your Topic: Many people believe that living abroad results in social problems.  
Your Subject: Living abroad causes social problems.  
  
By separating the two areas for the subject of this essay, you can clearly see how you made the mistake. Your subject is different from the actual subject. The next set of errors that you made have to do with the discussion instruction:  
  
Original instruction: To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?  
Your Response: I believe it is possible to prevent and solve the problem and I will not see it in a negative way.  
  
You totally changed the discussion instruction from an extent essay to a positive/negative opinion discussion. That is not the question being asked. The question requires an extent response such as:  
  
I strongly agree/disagree  
I wholeheartedly agree/disagree  
I agree/disagree to the extent that...  
I partially agree/disagree...  
  
among other variations of the possible response to this type of essay instruction.  
  
Your body of paragraphs do not mention even once the problem of not being able to speak the language of a different country. Which is the whole point of the essay. You instead focused on culture clashes and social misunderstanding, which, while somewhat relevant, doesn't begin to explain how the lack of language proficiency fits into your discussion.  
  
That is why I am sorry to tell you that this type of essay will not get a passing score in an actual test. You failed to properly represent the original prompt discussion topic and requirements in your response and that is why this essay did not deliver the correct response.
**Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology.**  
  
## decision about curriculum in universities

  
  
Answer:  
People's view differing in terms of whether university students should be given the decisions to choose the subjects they want to study. In my opinion, I partly agree with this statement.  
  
On the one hand, it cannot be denied that there are some benefits to let students decide their own study courses. The main reason is that in the modern era, new developments are throughout integration of knowledge from different fields. Without confining students to study in the particular courses, they are able to learn knowledge in wide range of areas and possibly apply in their works in the future. Furthermore, most university students are in their young age, so they need chances to try different fields. Making students to only learn the subjects which seemingly useful in the future not only restricts the possibility to explore their talents but also ignore the fact that they might not be suitable or not interested in studying those courses.  
  
On the other hand, some people argue that university students should study some particular subjects which are arranged rather than base on their interests. It is true that being skilled in a specific field will be more practical than choosing courses without any study plan. After all, it may be risk if students learn courses in various areas and end up having no talents. Moreover, in this way university will be able to ensure their students learn some basic and useful subjects which might at least help them to get a better jobs after they graduated.  
  
In conclusion, I believe it will be more appropriate for university students to study some particular subjects as well as the optional subjects they are interested in.  
  
(280 words)
1. In the first sentence of your opening paragraph, you said you agree with **this statement**. But in the previous sentence you presented people's two different opinions ("whether+A" means "A or not"), which is not a statement. Better to point out which opinion you agree with, so that you directly respond to the prompt.  
  
2. Without confining students to studying in ...  
This sentence is grammatically incorrect, because the subject of participle clauses is not the same as the subject of its main sentence. This is a common mistake that has been mentioned in many English writing guides. Who "confines students to studying in particular courses"? Maybe teachers, maybe school authorities, but not the "they" in your main sentence.  
  
A revision could be:  
*Not confined to studying in particular courses, students are able to learn knowledge...*  
In this revision, subject of the participle clause is in accordance with that of the main sentence.  
  
3. On understanding the prompt. I think the prompt is more about whether 1) students should only study "useful" subjects like science and technology, or 2) they should be allowed to study "not-so-useful" ones like art and humanity, if students are interested. Instead, you discussed whether 1) students should be arranged courses or 2) they should choose courses according to interest and "learn courses in various areas". "Choosing courses based on interest" is on-topic, but "learning courses in various areas"(para. 2) and "studying arranged courses"(para. 3) can be irrelevant.
**QUESTION:**  
In some countries it is illegal for employers to reject applicants due to his/her age.  
Positive or negative development?  
give your own opinion.  
  
## age of an applicant and job's selection

  
  
**ANSWER**  
  
It is true that age is sometimes included as important criteria for determining selected candidates for job in companies. However, it is considered as illegal job requirement procedure in several nations. In my opininon, this phenomenon is a negative development which can bring downsides for both company and the labours themselves.  
  
One serious problem can arise from prohibiting the companies to refuse their job's applicants due to their age is it can lead to serious company loss. It is because some job's positions require adequate experiences which commonly owned by those in productive age (30-35 years old). Therefore, in my opinion when it is restricted to take age into account for selecting new employees, the companies wil be dominated by unqualified staffs. Consequently, the companies will be adversed as they should pay several amount of dollars for those employee do not posess neither skill nor ability to favour the companies' outcomes.  
  
In addition, health and safety of labours are the main priorities over all companies therefore the age should be one factor to be considered otherwise it will damage the labour's health and safety. To illustrates mechanical occupations like petroleum engineers is one of job that physically demanding thus the applicants who apply for this job should have a vigorous body and healthy. This sort of job is not suitable for those in elderly age as the they will not strong enough for doing this job. On this conditions, I believe the age should be legal to be one factor in reviewing job's applicants.  
  
To conclude, several states consider that involving age into prerequisite of job's selection is illegal procedure. However, it confines the company to recruit potential staffs based on their need. In addition, employees's safety and health are the primary priorities of every company. Thus I strongly believe that the aforementioned view is a negative development.  
  
(304 WORDS)  
  
- please kindly give advises related to my writing and **give estimated band score** since i aim for band 7 for writing-
hi, I would like to give some feedback. because I am also a beginner, I am sorry if my comment seems meaningless.  
  
I little bit confused when I read the third paragraph, because you did not put some punctuation between clauses, such as  
  
1. *health and safety of labours ...* I think you should give a comma before 'therefore' and put a dot before 'otherwise' and comma after it  
  
2. *To illustrates mechanical ...* you should put comma after 'illustrate' and do not use 'like' as linking word to give an example. it is used for informal situation or speaking section, 'such as' is better than 'like'.
@zahranatsir  
I think that your got the great opening ,however, there are some mistakes in the main paragraphs.  
1."~~On~~ Under this conditions,..."  
2. "... they will not be strong enough ..."  
3."have a vigorous body and ~~healthy~~"  
  
healthy is an adjective which should be use after be -verb  
  
4. In my opinion, the conclusion will be better to be short and only repeat your opinion again.  
hope these will help~
## Vietnamese students studying in different parts of the world

  
  
**The graph below shows the average number of Vietnamese students studying in France, Russia and  
America between 2000 and 2015.**  
  
The line graph illustrates the average amount of Vietnamese people studied in France, Russia and the US over a period of 15 years starting from 2000.  
  
Overall, it is clear that while the Vietnamese students in both France and America increased significantly, the opposite was true for Russia. Besides, the figure for the US was highest during the period.  
  
In 2000, there was an average of nearly 3.5 million Vietnamese students in France, in comparison with around 3.5 million and 1.5 million students in Russia and America respectively. Over the next five years, the number of people studied in France and Russia fall by approximately 1 million. By contrast, the figure for Vietnamese students in the US witnessed a considerable increase of roughly 2 million.  
  
From the year 2005 onwards, it can be seen that the average number of Vietnamese students in the US increase sharply and reach a peak of 5 million in 2015. Oppositely, the figure for Russia decreased to its lowest point in 2010, nearly 1.5 million, which was followed by a gradual increase to about 2.5 million in 2015. During the same period, there was a rapid increase in the figure for Vietnamese students in France after experiencing a stability from 2005 to 2010.  
  
P/s: I'm a beginner in Ielts and it's my first time I write a task 1 essay. Thanks in advanced.  
  
*
Dang, you have written too many words for this essay. Remember that editing time is required in order to perfect the essay before you submit it for a grade. Since you have to handwrite the essay, you need to make ample time allowance for the editing task. Do not write more than 175-200 words for this 150 minimum word task. Otherwise, you will end up submitting the essay without having edited it, so the mistakes you made will remain in the final essay presentation and lower your overall score.  
  
You have an otherwise excellent summary overview for this essay. The only lacking information was that you did not include the reference to the information that the number of students was counted in the millions. That is part of the overall information presented in the essay and was the only important data that you missed offering in the summary overview. Not to worry though, your presentation was still good. It is understandable that you will tend to miss a piece of information here and there since this is your first time writing such an essay. I won't ding you for it.  
  
I admire your ability to present a paragraph composed of properly developed complex sentences. You did not have any awkward transition presentations and each paragraph came across as cohesive and coherent. This is something that most students fail to do during their first time writing the Task 1 essay. However, I have to caution you about using actual figures in this instance. Most of the tips of the lines fall in-between the actual numbers so you need to use estimate references such as more or less, appears to be, or estimated at, and other variations thereof. If the numerical data is not definite, then you should not be specific either. This is one time when a "guesstimate" is acceptable in the presentation.  
  
Now, you seem to have missed the intersectional discussion point of the essay. That is, the data for the increase in Vietnamese enrollment in America crosses through France and Russia as well in the year 2015. Note where America crosses into the line of each individual country and do a comparison discussion pertaining to those as it shows that there was a point in time, from 2005 to perhaps 2008 when the enrollments were the same number for the USA, France, and Russia.  
  
Those type of information can easily be seen during the review process. These information also help to increase your overall score as you will be making comparisons where the data requires it or allows you to do so. Never neglect to look for the small comparison points, your final score will thank you for it.
*I chose randomly chart from the internet as a practice of IELTS writing task 1, since I have not practiced this method of test for a while. Any dedicated suggestions and guidances are all highly appreciated.*  
  
*Original source: nj./mercer/index.ssf/2018/07/passenger\_traffic\_jumped\_30\_percent\_at\_this\_nj\_air.html#incart\_2box\_nj-homepage-featured*  
  
**My writing**  
  
## passenger traffic at the Airport in New Jersey

  
  
The bar chart illustrates the number of people visiting to the Trenton Mercer Airport in New Jersey during the 2011-2017 period. As can be seen clearly from the chart, while the year 2015 witnessed the largest amount of customers, the beginning of the period welcomed the least passengers.  
  
To begin with, there were roughly 3400 visitors to the airport in 2011. The number of guests to the airport slightly incresed of 3000 people in the following year, which suprisingly soared up to 147.826 people in 2013. The dramatic growth kept acelerating in one year later, and reached a peak with approximately 390.000 visitors in 2015. After that there was a sudden downfall of the figure for people paying for the Airport of 100.000 people the next year, which later had a recovery to 363.626 people in 2017.  
  
To conclude, the 2011-2012 period underwent the small number of people visiting to the Airport, whereas the booming tendancy happened during the last five years..  
  
*
Hi@sillyman2000, I think your essay is well-structured, however, I found some mistakes.  
1." slightly increased ~~of~~  by 3000 people"  
you can use either "by" or "to" after increase but they use in the different ways:  
**increaseby** is used to show the change  
**increase to** is used before the new figure  
  
2." kept accelerating"  
a little spelling mistake