dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hi Nurul, below are my suggestions for your essay.  
  
- HB is an fifty-eight years old paralyzed ...  
- In 2008, she was diagnosed with  
- and reading the brain activity and translating  
- However, they found that it has been difficult to make  
- this devices to fit into the patient's daily lives.  
- When the brain activity is recorded  
- wire un to a tiny device like pacemaker.  
- This then wirelessly sends a signal to a computer tablet  
- ~~which~~where a software has been installed  
- ~~by software~~ that can allow the tablet to be used in  
- to conduct a trial of the system ~~in~~to other individuals.  
  
There you have it Nurul, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and for future writing reference, mind the minor details in your sentence construction such as your linking verbs as well as the proper position of the words in the sentence.
Ethan, the reason that you have a difficult time developing your closing argument is because your earlier work lacks information. The case comparison should have been the point at which you presented evidence of security negligence or inefficiencies at the museums. Perhaps you should have discussed the existing security measures during the first heist and then developed that to reflect the weakness of the more "modern" security systems in place for the new robbery that took place. These discussions I believe, belong in the Case Evident section.  
  
In the Crime Opportunity portion, you tried to compare the security system of a bank with that of a museum. However, you did not present any actual security system examples. The lack of the security system comparison affected your ability to be able to circle back in your discussion, to the very beginning, middle, then end portion, which would have helped you develop your concluding paragraph. The final conclusion being that due to the lack of interest on the part of the people when it comes to art thievery, security measures will never be enough to protect these priceless paintings and copycat robberies will continue to exist. Mention that it is the lack of security that has caused quite a number of notable paintings to have been stolen and it seems, will never be seen again unless one deals with the art black market or underground / illegal art purchases.  
  
I hope my ideas can help you develop a solid conclusion for your research paper. By the way, this was really interesting to read. I thoroughly enjoyed your work.
**TED: WORLD'S ENGLISH MANIA - JAY WALKER**  
  
Mania can be good, warming, and deathly. Their interest could be widely diverse such as there are Beatles mania, Sports mania, Religious Mania. Nowadays, a novel mania is arising, called English mania. This mania also emerged In China, where most of the people acquired English by screaming it. Chinese pupils have been starting to study English since third grade. The reasons why they have to learn English started from the sole word, which is OPPORTUNITY. It means opportunity for better life and a job. Needless to say, people who know English, especially its mania, could pay for school and all kinds of foods in their table. Chinese student must be taken up English 12 hours a day for taking a great test that will determine their entire life. The World has universal language such mathematic and music instead of English. People can conduct global conversations with English to converse global issues: climate change, poverty, and diseases. English reflect a hope for better future. Our future needs general language to solve global problems.
hi, these are my though towards your summary  
  
it would be better if you write opening sentence  
  
... started from the sole word, which is **OPPORTUNITY**  
[ you do not have to write in capital letter if you want to emphasize the word. ]  
It means the opportunity for ...  
  
..People can conduct global conversations with English to converse global issues  
[ i have a suggestion : By using English, people can conduct global conversation and solve the global issues ...]  
  
good summary, keep writing  
thanks and good luck
Hello Shisha! In addition to the above comments, below are my inputs toward your essay; hope you will gain insights from reading my notes!  
  
- Nowadays, a novel mania, known as English mania, is arising, ~~called English mania~~ . (Pay attention to the sentence structure)  
- ... acquired English by screaming ~~it~~ .  
- ... started from ~~the~~one(notice where you should use word "the" and "one" in writing) sole word, ~~which is~~*OPPORTUNITY.**(if you want to emphasize certain word/s, you can use italic or bold instead).*  
  
Also, I love the first sentence of your essay. For me, it is an interesting opening sentence that can attract reader's interest. The lexical choice that you used is also good. On top of that you know how to express the ideas and write a good summary. Keep practicing!
In the past, most inhabitants stayed in suburban knew each other. Recently, most citizens live in urban areas only knew a little number of people in their environment. Otherwise, there are several benefits and negative impacts inhabitants living in little community.  
  
Living in tremendously peaceful community, protect and help each other member of community for illustrate. Firstly, each member of community will appreciate to another member, without see the occupation, social status or economic condition. It will leads to condition of harmonize and peaceful environment. For example, the rich families still appreciate and humble to the poor families although there are huge different in economic condition. Because all of them have sense of belonging and tolerance in a community, they will appreciate each other. Secondly, each member will help and protect each other. Because every member will know each other, they will work together to keep the safety and security of their community. For illustrate, every man in a small village community in Indonesia always work in team with others member to patrol and watch their village in the night to ensure safety of the village condition.  
  
However, there are several negative impacts living in well community such as they are close minded about the recent news in bigger community and every member has same activities in their daily life. People living in remote are for instance. In remote area, almost all of inhabitants in there have common job and daily activities such as hunting wild animals for their food and work as a farmer. They only get few of information in the village and they never know about the development of world industries. They only live in monotonous life make them close minded.  
  
All in all, there are several advantages and drawbacks of living in small community. I suggest we can take the advantages and try to find best way to tackle the negative impacts.
Hi Dioba! First of all, I suggest you to write complete prompt of the task so it can help other members to give you feedbacks.  
  
Now when it comes to your essay, I found there are several words which are being repeated in a paragraph. This is not good for people who want to get a high score on IELTS. One of the aspects to get band 6 or more is the use of lexical choice. Therefore, you need to use wide variants of diction to make your essay better or you can replace several words with its synonym. Still, you need to be careful to use synonym because not all synonym can be used to alter several words.  
  
Secondly, cohesion and coherent is important aspects of writing. I appreciate your effort to put transitional words, such as otherwise and however, in your essay. Please check the examples of transitional signals and how to use it properly to enhance your writing later on. An inappropriate use of transition signals prevents one's essay to get a good impression from readers.  
  
Keep writing!
Hi Dioba, in this particular essay, I would like to tackle your title first before we go on with the body of the article.  
  
Title: M ost inhabitants ~~where everyone~~ knew each other when they stay~~ed~~ in suburban areas .  
  
Now the first two paragraphs of the essay;  
  
- ~~In the past, most~~Most of the inhabitants who stayed in suburban areas knew each other.  
- ~~Recently,~~While most citizens who live in urban areas  
- ~~little number of~~few people in their ~~environment~~surrounding .  
- ~~Otherwise~~Having observed this ,  
- there are several benefits and negative impacts with inhabitants living in ~~little~~a small community.  
  
- To start with, living in a tremendously peaceful community,they can protect and help each  
- other ~~member of community for illustrate~~ .  
- ~~Firstly, each member of community will~~They appreciate  
- ~~to~~one another ~~member~~ ,  
- without ~~see the occupation,~~seeing the social status or economic condition.  
  
There you have it Dioba, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and should you need further assistance, we are here for you.
hi dio, these are my thought towards your essay  
  
...most inhabitants ~~stayed~~staying in suburban knew each other.  
  
Living in tremendously peaceful community, protect and help ...  
[ you have no verb here ]  
...community will appreciate to ~~another~~other member, without ~~see~~seeing the occupation, social status ...  
It will ~~leads~~lead to condition of harmonize ...  
People living in remote ~~are~~ for instance.  
  
good essay, overall. keep writing and good luck
In the past, perhaps most of people just knew facebook to post their photo or video. Neverthless, since instagram appear many years ago a lot of people thought better post their photo in instagram. Because instagram had many advantages feature which didn't has other social media. Until now, approximately 500 milion people joined to instagram, it was one of the most enormous user of social media right now. Recently, facebook which owned instagram announce regarding new feature of instagram. With that feature retailer can post their products and if user like their product just click the photo and will shows about price and how to order. It's new model of commerce, and is probably success. The company also revealed about advertiser in instagram almost 500.000 and gradually increase.  
  
**alfinkurnia**  
*Important - don't copy whole sentences twice when making some small changes - use strikes and colours in one corrected sentence*
Hi Alfin,  
I would like to share my insights towards your article summary.  
  
- In the past, ~~perhaps~~(I think that "uncertainty" like this is not supposed to be a language that is used in article) most of people just knew F acebook to post their photos or videos.(name, should be in capital form)  
  
- Nevertheless , since Instagram appeared many years ago, a lot of people ~~thought~~thinkthat it is better to post their photos~~in~~onInstagram.  
- This is because Instagram~~had~~have many ~~advantages~~ features which ~~didn't has~~ other social media do not have .  
- Until now, approximately 500 million people have joined ~~to~~Instagram . (stop here, new sentence)It~~was~~is one of the social media which has the~~most enormous~~largest user ~~of social media~~ right now.  
  
What you can learn is that even though you mention "past event", you are not obliged to write all of them in past tense. This is because the fact in the past and the fact in present is similar. For example, if you said that lots of people think that instagram was the best place last year, it means instagram is not the best place this year. Thus, if the fact is quite similar or the same to present time signal, just mention it in present form.  
  
Hope this helps :)
Hi Alfin, please find additional suggestions below;  
  
- Neverthe less, ~~since~~as instagram appeared many years ago  
- a lot of people thought it is better to post their photo ~~in~~on instagram.  
- ~~Because instagram had many~~It has more advantages ~~feature which didn't has~~that other social media didn't have .  
- ~~Until now~~As we speak , approximately 500 milion  
- it ~~was~~has one of the most enormous  
- number of users on~~of~~ social media right now.  
- Recently, facebook ~~which~~who owns~~owned~~ instagram announce ~~regarding~~a new feature of instagram. - With ~~that~~this feature retailer can post their  
- products and if user like their product just click the photo and it will show~~s about~~the price and how to order.  
- ..., and is probably a success.  
- The company also revealed ~~about advertiser in~~the advertising feature of instagram almost (...) increases .  
  
There you have it Alfin, with this summary essay, I actually learned something and I thank you for that. It's always a good thing to learn something everyday.
**TED-11 Summary: The World's English Mania**  
  
Jay Walker, one of the TED-Talk speakers, Jay Walker, delivered a topic about "The World's English Mania". He said English as international language or being second language in some countries in this globe is already learned from early age in many years. In the past, several media were available that people can be easily studying English throughout being fans of international football club or fans of the band from English-speaking country such England. Take one example, The Beatles at that time had a huge number of admirers who were really fanatic to this phenomenal band worldwide before 21th century, in which they were able to learn about English from the song lyrics. Contrarily, after years the citizens of the world, such as Southeast of Asia, China, and the others, found the new media. One of the ways was by screaming together, particularly in China, repeating after the instructor saying some words or sentences in the large area either indoor building or outdoor building, and this country has been the largest English-speaking country in the world. In short, English is really having many benefits for the non-English countries to broaden their knowledge about worldwide issues, and also being a problem-solving way.
Hi Asmawati! The following are several notes on your essay. I dope you can follow it through.  
  
- Jay Walker, one of the TED-Talk speakers, ~~Jay Walker~~ ,...  
- He said that English as an (needs an article) international language,(a comma is necessary) or ~~being~~ second language in some countries in ~~this globe~~the world, is ~~already~~ learned from early age ~~in many~~for several years.  
  
- In the past, several media *were available that people can be easily studying English*... (it looks confusing)  
- Contrarily, after several years,(put a comma here) the citizens of the world...  
  
Please pay attention to the use of punctuation marks. You did not put a comma in two sentences here. The problem may look simple but it can be a major issue if one not consider it immediately. Good luck with your next practice!
hi eiraj, these are my thought towards your summary  
  
Jay Walker, one of the TED-Talk speakers, ~~Jay Walker,~~ delivered a topic ...  
  
He said that English as international ...  
... were available so that people can ~~be easily studying English~~study English easily ...  
... really fanatic to ~~this phenomenal band~~them worldwide before ...  
... English from the song's lyrics  
...either indoor ~~building~~ or outdoor building  
  
you have problem related to the sentences structure  
  
thanks, and goodluck
**TED SUMMARY 11 : The World English Mania - Jay Walker**  
  
Manias can be expressed by various ways. In some cases, football maniacs, for example, show their emotion by screaming when their favorite group beats the opponent group. It similarly appears when teenagers enjoy a live concert, like the Beetle band, even they can cry after watching their favorite band performance. Interestingly, there is a novel trend around the world right now. Have your ever heard English manias? In China, many students are exerted to be expert in English. Did you know, why? The simple answer is because English offers to get better live, job, and education. English as the world second language helps us to have a wider global conversation in various global issues such as climate change, poverty, hunger, and disease. It is commonly known that the world has a universal language. If math is a language of science, then music is a language of motions. Furthermore, English becomes a language of problem solving and represents hope for better future so, English manias is a good trend as the globe has a common language to solve a common problem.
Hi Abul,  
  
Here's my remarks for your TED Summary. I hope this would be helpful :)  
  
- Manias can be expressed ~~by~~through various ways.  
- In **some cases**, **football maniacs**, for example, ... (try to think again, "some" is equal to "more than one". Your example is only one)  
  
- ..like the ~~Beetle band~~Beatles , even ...  
- In China, many students are ~~exerted~~suggested / forced to be expert in English.  
- Did you know why? (comma is unnecessary)  
- The simple answer is because English offers ~~to get~~a better ~~live~~life , job, and education.  
- English as the World's second language helps us to have...  
- ...then music is a language of ~~motions~~emotion .  
- Furthermore, English becomes a ~~language of~~ problem solving language and it represents hope for better future. (stop, new sentence)~~so~~Thus , English manias is a ~~good~~positive trend as the... ("good" is "A1" level word. Positive is "B1" which is higher.)
Hi Abul, I believe this is my first review for your essay and I would like to WELCOME you to the Essay Forum Family, I hope you find this website to be helpful as well as useful to your writing projects. We aim to provide you with the most accurate and comprehensive feedback we can come up with and should you need further assistance after the review, go ahead and send us your message and we are here for you. Having said that, please find a few suggestions below;  
  
- ~~Manias~~A World Mania can be expressed ~~by~~in various ways.  
- In some cases, football ~~maniacs~~fans , for example,  
- the opponent ~~group~~ .  
- ~~It similarly appears~~This is similar when teenagers  
- ~~even~~ they even~~can~~ cry after watching  
- their favorite bands performance.  
- right now~~. Have~~, have your ever heard of English ~~manias~~mania ?  
- In China, many students ~~are exerted~~strive to be experts in English.  
- ~~Did you know, w~~W hy?  
- ~~The simple answer is~~Simple, it's because  
  
There you have it Abul, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and as you can see, the revision is focused on the construction of the sentences, you see, the way you constructed your sentences and the way the words are positioned is not in the way they should be that will make sure that your ideas and the message of your sentences is sent across to your readers properly. Anyhow, I wish to review your revised essay soon.
The table shows essential information about commuting to office in Houston and measured by percent and the number of age while CO2 fumes is produce by various of vehicle is shown by bar chart and is measured by kilograms per person per kilometre. All in all, cars-driver only are produce the greatest CO2 pollutant and the most common kind of transport by commuters while cycle and walk are the least common transport to office and cause the least of pollutant rather than others kind of vehicle.  
  
Commuters who use cars-driver only are the greatest percentage of transport reach a half. On the contrary, cyclist and pedestrians have the least of proportion only a little number. Furthermore, train and bus are the highest average age of worker at 47 while cyclist and pedestrians are lower than train and bus percentage by 8.  
  
In the other hand, car without passenger is the greatest type of transport which produces vast amount of CO2 fumes reach more than 0.3 kilograms per person per kilometre. On the contrary, CO2 pollutant is produce by cyclist and pedestrians is the least of emissions amount reach zero pollutants. In addition, there are the large amount of fumes different levels between car without passenger and cyclist and pedestrians by almost 0.33.  
  
(Sorry, i cannot show the table in this post because the picture on my book)
**The world's English mania-Jay Walker**  
  
Nowadays, as the world becomes more global, there is a new tendency to produce language which can be accepted globally. This inevitably brings the mania to learn English. Mania itself can be beneficial or even harmful. The mania of learning English affects billions of people all around the world, particularly in China. In China, learning English is instructed and managed by the state, thus taking China as the largest English speaking country worldwide.  
  
There are several reasons underpinning this mania. Generally, the people believe that by learning English it will evoke the opportunity for a better life, better job offer, and better education. Despite, it is actually have to be recognized that our first language is our mother native language in which English is just the second one. Knowing English of course a merit, as the individuals can engage in wider conversation concerned with the common problem of the world, but it is also important to take into account that there are still other languages such as music and mathematics that allow us to connect each other.
Hi Dila,  
Your writing is great but there are some correction that I think will make it better.  
  
... is a new tendency to ~~produce~~ language which can ...  
This inevitably brings ~~the~~ mania to learn English. The m ania itself can be ...  
~~The mania~~ The eager beaver of learning ...  
~~In China, learning English is instructed and managed by the ...~~  
By the time, learning English is instructed and managed by state. Interestingly, it come up the largest proportion of english speaking country in the worldwide  
  
~~Generally, the people~~It is believed that by learning English ...  
~~Despite,~~However, it ~~is~~ actually ~~have~~has to be recognized that ...  
~~Knowing English of course a merit~~(I did not get what you mean here, and also, you lost to mention verb here) , as the individuals can engage in ~~wider~~deeper conversation concerned ...
Hi Dila, WELCOME to the Forum, I hope you find this website to be helpful and even more so valuable to your revision. We do aim to provide you with the most accurate and most comprehensive feedback that will surely strengthen your essay.  
  
Having said that, please find a few suggestions below;  
  
- there is a new ~~tendency~~trend to ~~produce~~practicea language  
- ~~which~~that can be accepted globally.  
- ~~Mania~~A mania itself can be beneficial or  
- ~~In China, learning~~Learning English in China  
- ~~English is~~has been instructed and managed by the state,  
  
- Despite~~, it is actually have~~the fact that it needs to be recognized and that our first language  
- is ~~our mother native language in which English is just the second one~~is not English .  
  
There you have it Dila, as you can see, there's still quiet a lot of work to be done in your essay, however, the good thing is, this can still be enhanced. Now, I left a few sentences in order for you to practice editing yourself and I hope you follow through with the suggested remarks.