dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## two tables analysis

  
  
The tables summarise the sales of fairteade-labelled cofee and bananas in the UK, Switzerland, Denmark, Belgium, and Sweden between 1999 and 2004. As a general trend, the revenues made by selling bananas and coffees in 2004 was higher than in 1999 in the majority of the countries.  
  
A glance at the tables revels that the trading of coffee in the UK leaped from 1.5 millions of euros to 20 during the timespan of 6 years, making itself the leading coffee selling country in the final year. Switzerland, Denmark, Belgium, and Sweden also shows an expansion in their business but at a slow rate. The figure for Switzerland climbed from 3 to 6. Denmark made 2 million euros in 2003, which were 1.8 million back in 1999. The amount grew from 1 to 1.7 and 0.8 to 1 for Belgium and Sweden respectively.  
  
The UK dominated the banana market both in 1999 and 2004 by uplifting their sale from 15 million euros in the first year while roughly quadrupling the figure in the final year. Switzerland, Denmark, and Belgium also raised their profit during the period. The only exception is Sweden which eventually decreased their trading of banana from 2 to 0.9 million euros in the duration.  
  
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The tables  
The writer used the correct term in the sense that the plural form of the singular word "table" was used. However, by not indicating the number of tables involved in the presentation (There are 2 tables presented), a lack of clarity was formed in the sentence presentation. The reader must immediately know how many images are presented, and what each table represents in order to create a proper mental picture of the reporting basis.  
  
between 1999 and 2004  
This should have been presented as a second paragraph. This is necessary in order to seperate the image information from the rest of the information presentation. Since this is the yearly coverage reference, it needs its own sentence presentation. Again, this is for clarity purposes. Each sentence must contain only 1 thought presentation in order to achieve the required sentence clarity in every paragraph.  
  
As a general trend  
Good work. This trending sentence is well placed. However, it failed to present the value of money used for the measurement (millions). So, why it is good and clear, it needed another bit of highlighted information to complete the summary.  
  
A glance at the tables  
Is this the first or second image? Clarify and use the table title as reference. This is to be presented in the singular form of tables as well since there is only one image for coffee and another for bananas.  
  
For a clear comparison analysis and report, both reporting paragraphs must refer to the image that it is anchored to. Good work with the report though. It is acceptable and will get a passing mark. It would have gotten a better score if my observations above were corrected prior to submission for scoring.
HELLO! I need helps with the following question:  
  
***The chart below shows the percentage of households in owned and rented accommodation in England and Wales between 1918 and 2011.  
## Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

  
Write at least 150 words.***  
  
The following blue print is my answer:  
  
Crystalized in the column chart are the statistics in percentage of households regarding their forms of accommodation - both in ownership and in lease contract - in England and Wales between a spectrum of 94 years starting from 1918. Theses years witnessed a steady increase in owned accommodation for most the time and thus a corresponding stable decrease in that of rented forms.  
  
According to the graph, approximately one fourth (23%) of the residents lived in their own accommodation in 1918, then the figure rose gradually to 50% in 1971 which was equivalent to that of those living in rented places, except a period of 15 years (from 1953 to 1961) that remained level at a little bit less than one third. There was a consistent growth until 2001, to nearly 70%, followed by a 5% dip in ratio in the next decade.  
  
In stark contrast, however, the pattern for rented accommodation citizens in the period was totally in reverse. Beginning at a highest 77%, those who rented a place for living slowly fell to less than one third (31%), before a moderate climb of 5% to 36% in 2011. Again, in the middle of the time spectrum from 1918 to 2011, the two counterparts were equal in size.  
  
Thank you very much!  
  
*
Crystalized in the column chart  
Good work on advanced English word usage. This is definitely an impressive college level English word that will catch the eye of the examiner, causing an increased consideration in your LR score. It shows that you are addressing a professional audience whose knowledge of English is at par with that advanced academic degree holders.  
  
Theses  
There is no such word in the English language. These is the the plural form of the singular reference "this". Ooops. While you will receive increased marks in the LR score, you will also receive a minimal deduction for this word usage error.  
  
Basically, you show a very good analysis of the image presentation. The problem, is mainly in the way you form the sentences in the paragraphs. The way you have the sentences presented are too busy. You try to compress too much information in a single sentence presentation, causing a confusing and difficult to follow analysis. As a general rule, you can use only one thought / idea in every sentence presentation. The essay is too long because of the over analysis. This means, you may not have enough time to complete a simple analysis, are required, within the 20 minute time allottment.  
  
Always remember, run-on sentences force grammar errors and, when faced with only 20 minutes, an overview analysis and comparison will work best. It is best to analyze the obvious, but not too deeply since this is not a class report and analysis paper. It is only a test to prove that you are capable of producing simple analysis papers. Keep it at at least 175 words, but no more than 200.
## In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry.

  
***Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?  
Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.***  
  
My response:  
  
Although in the present age, enhanced technologies are being used in the agricultural industry, food shortage is still prevalent in many areas of the world. There are many people in almost all developing countries who do not get enough food to eat because of reasons such as poverty and rising demand for food due to population growth. This article discusses the possible ways to tackle this problem.  
  
Even though science and technology has made it possible for producing a substantial quantity of food, the population of the world is ever growing exponentially. As a result, the total production of food might not be sufficient for all the people. Apart from this, food crisis is a major issue in many countries, especially developing ones, where majority of population are poor. Because of poverty, they cannot even afford for daily bread. This situation is worsened by the fact that developing countries are yet to adapt modern agricultural technology for cultivation and harvesting. Relying on traditional methods means less production. For instance, most farmers in many parts of south Asia still sow paddy manually. This consumes a lot of time but gets only a little done.  
  
As a solution to mitigate world hunger, developing countries could be made aware that it is time that they start learning and adapting to modern technologies. Incentives could be provided to farmers to encourage them to produce more crops and vegetables. Providing trainings, free seeds, fertilizers, agricultural tools and easy access to market their products can definitely increase the production volume. Despite of this, until poverty is fully eliminated, there will always be some population that will have to go hungry. So, international bodies like World Food Organizations can play a tremendous role in providing food aids to impoverished communities.  
  
To conclude, despite of industrialization in the agriculture sector, many people do not have adequate food. Population growth and poverty are major causes for this issue. Agricultural development should be a prime focus of the developing countries in order to meet the ever-growing future needs.
There are many people in almost all developing countries  
This is a discussion misdirection. The writer has added information that is not referred to in the original prompt. As such, the topic has now changed its basis from a general world reference to specific region reference. The topic has been altered and will receive a reduced TA score due to topic inaccuracy.  
  
This article discusse  
This is a discussion question repetition sentence. It is not a thesis statement, which is the required infomation for the last 2 sentences. The previous sentence answered the first question. The last sentence did not. This will be another deduction based on irrelevant response format.  
  
Even though science  
This is a redundancy that is not helping the essay in terms of content and clarity. The first sentence must represent the topic of the paragraph through a topic sentence anchor. There is no need to continously repeat information from the original prompt. The 2 reasoning sentences should represent the paragraph content instead.
You did a good job of paraphrasing the topic sentence, but your next two ones are faulty and would lead to a TA reduction. I suggest you write "in my view, this problem is caused by ........, and it can be dealt with by solutions such as ....... and ...... ".  
  
In the first body paragraph, the topic sentence is irrelevant. What you need to do is to write a statement about the causes leading to widespread starvation,and then elaborate it by explaining the causes and providing some examples. Next, you haven't written a mini conclusion for the paragraph, this means you CC score is reduced.  
  
You second topic sentence is good, but i think it can be better written. However, the solutions you provided here are not so convincing. Try thinking of two alternative solutions that may sound better and explain them in significant detail. This helps boost your TA score.  
  
The conclusion is good.
The essay is missing a convincing argument based on the writer's opinion. This is most likely due to the discussion deviation that occurred when the reasoning paragraphs were developed. The writer does not use convincing arguments that are based on relevant examples that would support his claims. The discussion therefore, comes about as more generalized in consideration. The lack of properly referenced examples to certain claims such as:  
  
many developing countries have successfully implemented this method of environmental protection.  
affected the reasoning presentation of the writer in terms of reasoning evidence.  
  
Name the developing countries and the successful alternative energy programs they have implemented in their country. As this claim is a significant part of the thesis statement / writer opinion, his writing must highight this presentation in the second paragraph. Without it, the discussion is unconvincing and cannot be considered a fully developed explanatory essay.
Here is my opinion on your essay. I hope you consider all of them.  
First, the first sentence of your introduction is way too long. This would lower your readability score, so I suggest you shorten it by just paraphrasing the first sentence of the topic.  
  
Second, there are two issues that need addressing in the topic, namely "stop burning fossil fuels and use only alternative energy resources" and "oil, gas, and coal are essential for many industries, and not using them will lead to economic collapse". Therefore, in the second sentence of your introduction, you need to specify your opinions on both sides. But, it seems that you have only stated your arguments for the former side and forgotten the latter one.  
  
In the first body paragraph, your topic sentence is irrelevant. What you should do here is to write a general statement about the possibility of stopping burning fossil fuels and starting using alternative resources. Because of your incorrect topic sentence, the first body paragraph is completely off track. This leads to a severe reduction in your TA score.  
  
The topic sentence of the second paragraph is good, but I don't understand what the phrase " for other environmental-friendly ones" means, so this seems to be a mistake in your word choice. However, the entire paragraph here is off-topic again. You need to elaborate on the reasons why not using fossil fuels would lead to economic collapse. Instead, you are writing about countries helping each other, which is irrelevant.  
  
Your conclusion shows little connection with your body paragraphs. What you should do here is to restate your opinions on the presented topic and summarize everything you have written.  
  
There are many problems that need fixing.
It goes without saying that food waste is one of the most dilemmatic issues facing us today. This phenomenon stems from many different causes, but there are still some measures to prevent the outbreak of this problem timely. This following essay will analyze deeply about both the reasons and solutions of the world's food waste.  
  
On the one hand, let us take a look at several reasons that are believed to have led to this problem. In my view, the main cause Of human's excessive waste is the oversupply of food in society. In other words, we are living in a modern and sufficient world where material needs can be fully provided. Nowadays we can easily get food in just a few minutes going to the supermarket as long as we have money, but that sufficiency and convenience makes the value of food become less and less important in many people's minds. A specific example is that for some people who have a luxurious life, they are willing to spend a large amount of money for a sumptuous table just for the sake of entertainment and self-expression but they never think about whether they can eat all the food or not. As a result, the leftovers will go to waste. Another point worth noting is that the lack of rigor in the government's food policies that created a poor sense of food saving in the society. It is clear that among the hundreds of social problems we are facing, food policies are not given much attention. Thus, I think that's why people still don't have the right sense of proper food consumption.  
  
On the other hand, I sincerely believe that we can completely limit this problem by some of the following measures. First, we need to step up campaigns to raise people's awareness about food consumption. As far as I know there are now a lot of campaigns or studies about hunger in areas like Africa that happen every year and it really helps to make people aware of the preciousness of food. Second, I think there is no doubt that the government needs to tighten regulations on food savings. Specifically, the government needs to regulate the food consumption of restaurants and the regulations on ordering food. Of course we can't limit the food supply because the demand for food is limitless, but we can impose penalties if diners don't finish their order.  
  
In conclusion, the problem of food waste can be attributed to the fact that people today are underestimating the importance of food. Fortunately, this problem can be alleviated by adopting the above-mentioned measures.
It goes without saying that food waste is one of the most dilemmatic issues facing us today.  
Do not provide a direct opinion in the first sentence of the prompt paraphrase. There are only 3 sentences required here, none of which require a topic redirection statement like this one. Just provide:  
  
- An accurate topic restatement  
- 2 related causes summaries  
- 2 related solution summaries  
  
These are sentence presentations are what will directly respond to the task requirements and provide an acceptable preliminary score for the discussion essay.  
  
On the one hand,  
On the other hand,  
Since the 2 reasoning paragraphs are focused on 2 different discussion questions, the comparative opening phrases you chose to use are not applicable to the text that has been written. Rather, use introductory sentences that clearly state what the topic of discussion will be for the paragraph. That way, the coherence and cohesiveness of the paragraph is strongly established at the start of the presentation. The discussion format will then be correct.  
  
let us take a look at several reasons that are believed to have led to this problem  
Due to the time limit on your writing test, start with the topic sentence instead. The word fillers will only force unexpcted errors and/or result in deductions related to various errors in the written presentation.  
  
adopting the above-mentioned measures.  
You need at least 40 words in this paragraph. Do not cut corners. For scoring sake, summarize the solutions a 2nd time, as required of the summary conclusion paragraph.
**Some people encourage young children to leave their parents' house as soon as they become adults while others say children should stay at their parents' house as long as possible.  
  
## Discuss both views, and give your opinion.**  
  
With the monumental influence of modernization, unprecedented metamorphoses have transpired in the family structure that descendants are exhorted to leave their houses when they reach adulthood. Others argue that children should spend as much time as possible with their parents. I believe that children should stay home to evolve their careers.  
  
To begin with, children are usually prone to saving money for a rainy day, not to ensure their health. Family fosters them physically and mentally. In addition, when they live with seniors, they can internalize various experiences, and with guidance, young people may lead to the right trajectory. A recent survey has shown that 60% of adults, who live on their own, come under the influence of unscrupulous people and drug peddlers.  
  
Nonetheless, youngsters leave their homes in the hope of having their own space. It is not a no-brainer because they do not want to burden the family financially. They will comprehend their responsibility in parallel with getting the practical skills. Life will teach them how to survive and put them in many conditions. It can pave the way for the blossoming of their life. That is why Americans authorize their offspring to live unaided. As a result, every individual here works part-time to cover living expenses, and they can accumulate from $40 to $80 a month.  
  
To sum up, while there are some advantages to living independently, it is evident that the drawbacks outweigh the edges. Therefore, I firmly believe that young people should stay at home under parental supervision.
With the monumental influence of modernization, unprecedented metamorphoses have transpired in the family structure  
Do not change the point of view as presented in the original prompt. These reasons are not indicated as a topic basis in the original. Rather, it represents a part of the writer's opinion, which, when presented in the prompt restatement + opinion, changes the original meaning of the presentation. Stick to a restatement of the original prompt, using the same information, but presented using synonyms instead. This reference will pull down the TA score of the first paragraph.  
  
I believe that children should stay home to evolve their careers.  
Good job on the personal statement + thesis presentation. Excellent reflection of your soon to be expanded upon opinion.  
  
The problem arises when the topic is finally discussed. There is no evidence of the public opinion basis of the discussion due to the general nature of the presentation, represening only a personal point of view of the writer. The appropriate format is to use the third person pronouns when discussing the first 2 public opinions, to show that you are "discussing both views" only. This seperation is clear when you notice that the original prompt refers to "Some people" and "others", indicating the need to discuss the public point of view first, the writer's opinion last.  
  
The personal opinion should be presented within a seperate 3rd paragraph to show a clear comparison analysis using first person pronouns. The differentiation of points of views through pronoun use is necessary for the TA + GRA scoring considerations.
Hello!  
  
I am looking for help in correcting essays. I am not new to English, but I am not used to academic methods of writing. Therefore, I am trying to improve it. I hope we can help each other.  
  
## report for a university lecturer

  
  
Here is my work:  
  
The bar chart demonstrates the figures of Science and Technology European working in the US in 1999.  
  
Overall, the British and the German accounted for the highest quantity of workers employed in the US, whereas the French and the Italians had the lowest number.  
  
It can be seen from the chart that the French had the smallest amount of employees working in the US in 1999, with merely almost 5000 people, which is approximately 2000 people less than the Italians. That from other countries in Europe, the British and the German excluded, placed third in the chart with 20.000 people, almost double than the total of the French and Italian workers.  
  
On the contrary, the significant number of British and German laborers were in first and second place with 28000 and 25000 people respectively. It can be calculated that the sum figure of the British and German workers employed in the US in 1999 was almost double than that of the rest of the Europe.  
  
Thank you for your help.  
  
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The main problem with your English skills stem from your lack of word usage accuracy, lack of familiarity with plural v. singular word usage, and proper sentence structuring. Although you show that you have a higher than beginner level of English vocabulary, you have not reached an intermediate grasp of the language usage yet. The errors you show in this writing still have you at the beginner level of English writing skills.  
  
Improvements to your writing skills can be achieved by focusing in the observations made above. This will include further review of when and where to use the definite article "the" in a sentence. Yes, although it is commonly used (on a regular basis) in the English language, there are still times when it is not needed in a sentence.  
  
Pointing out the errors in your work in general will be more helpful than if I were to review the content of your presentation. That is not actually the problem of the presentation which is why I chose to focus on what I see as your actual grammar related issues instead.
...whereas the French and the Italians had the lowest number. - Correct it to lowest *numbers*.  
  
....with merely almost 5000 people..... - Maybe change almost to *about*?  
  
That from other countries in Europe, the British and the German excluded, placed third in the chart with 20.000 people, almost double than the total of the French and Italian workers. - Number of people from other countries employed in the US sum up to 20.000, which exceeds the total number of French and Italian workers by about 7,000.  
  
You have mentioned about the British and The Germans four times in total. Try to avoid doing that.