dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## The number of online workers is increasing

  
  
The question of whether or not workers should do their jobs at home via online devices has been a matter of debate since the Internet age. While there are drawbacks affecting workers, there are some merits of this modern trend. The essay will discuss both negative and positive sides.  
  
One of obvious negative effects of working inside the home is lack of concentration on tasks. Surrounding distraction from neighbor or family, for instance, my nephews always keeps insisting on playing some funny games with me or being himself surrounded by loud music all the time. This would also mean that I can not fully concentrate on my job, which results in less productive, mainly falling to meet its requirements by my supervisor.  
  
Not only that, limit of human social interaction is another downside in spite of technological innovations. Indeed, most conversations occur through keyboards due to a worker sits in front of screen without exchange support from his co-workers. In a long term, some depressed or anxious symptoms have appeared in the first stage. As a result, he suffers from his inside persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest in communicating with people.  
  
On the other hand, there is no doubt employees get more benefits from remote work policies. The most remarkable advantage is we would achieve and maintain our work-life balance. This means flexible schedule, namely setting our own working hours, taking breaks, having meals, doing regular physical activity and enjoying quality time with our loved ones at any time we wish. Consequently, work and individual life will be adjusted to our desire.  
  
In addition, home-based office is considered a practical step to solve financial problems. One clear example is that we often spend much money on expensive breakfast, lunch or unexpected expenses at luxury restaurants if our head office is located in an urban area or a cosmopolitan city. That is to say as we work from home, we can buy food from the market and supermarket nearby with reasonable price in which contribute to balance the budget monthly.  
  
To sum up, although working at home may have potential problems, overall I tend to believe that two advantageous aspects, particularly harmonious life style and financial issues will have a dramatic impact on workers' living.
The response is inaccurate. You are being asked to choose only one aspect of the topic to discuss. Either you present a solid support of the positive within 2 reasoning paragraphs or, you present a stance on the negative side, again using 2 negative reasons in the defense paragraphs. You cannot compare and contrast because that is not the instruction of the original prompt. You are to pick one side to support and then, present strong discussion topics to defend your stance. Nothing more, nothing less. Remember the original prompt asks:  
  
*Do you think it is a positive or negative development?*  
  
Not once did the essay ask you to do a comparison discussion. It is asking you to directly pick a side to discuss with conviction within 2 reasoning paragraphs. Why do you need to pick only one side? Read the question, the word OR indicates a connection of two different possibilities. Since there are 2 given choices, you must make a decision to pick only one side to discuss. Otherwise, the essay will not be able to deliver a concise and coherent defense of your response. You are being asked to present your position on the given topic based on the choices given. The essay does not say "Discuss both points of views", which is the reference for a comparison essay instruction (advantage v. disadvantage, compare and contrast).  
  
Now, since your essay does not express a position of support as indicated by the original prompt, the TA score will automatically be a 2. Which means, due to the additional mistakes you made in the remaining scoring sections, this essay will not be able to achieve a 5 band score. Why? There are grammar issues in the essay (can not = cannot), concise language issues (whether or not = whether), and punctuation problems with the use of the Oxford comma throughout the listing of related words in the essay will result in point deductions for each scoring criteria. When totaled, the score cannot reach the minimum 5 band bracket.  
  
You also failed to time yourself during this exercise. The resulting 374 words are not an accurate depiction of how you will perform under the 40 minute time limitation during the actual test. Kindly remember to time yourself next time. You should see that you will not be able to write more than 275-290 words for this task. That is, if you consider that you have to outline the discussion topics, draft the essay, grammar and spellcheck your work, before finalizing the presentation. It is impossible to write almost 400 words within the time frame allowed.
## Success factors for young professionals

  
  
The barchart indicated the percentages of various factors that motivated young professionals aged 20-30 to suceed.  
As the histogram shows, there is a significant rate for personal amd ambition in motivating young professional people to suceed. While fear of failure created the least motivation for them.  
  
It is clear from the chart that both personal satisfaction and ambition had the same great rate, which reached to 80%. They were followed by family pressure, which was shown as 70%; While the third largest percentage presented, pressure from society, gaines 60% of choices.  
  
Rivalry, desire for material things, peer pressure and money, compares to the top three rates, has lower levels. However, they had similar percentage, between 40% to 50%. Meanwhile, feeling inadequate and envy ranged around 30%. Furthermore, the only category that had percentage below 30% is fear of failure, which ranged just over 20% of choices.
Since you did not include the image with the essay, your work cannot be reviewed in terms of content relevance and scoring considerations. Only a general grammar review can be done.  
  
(WARNING! STUDENTS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO SUPPLY THE IMAGE WHEN THE OP FORGETS TO UPLOAD IT. POST THE IMAGE FOR THE OP AT YOUR OWN RISK!)  
  
For starters, the essay is 4 words under the minimum word count. You provided 146 words when the minimum requirement is 150. So you will immediately received TA points deductions for that word shortage. Now, since I do not have the actual image to refer to, I cannot even judge the relevance of your presentation to the given instructions for the discussion. What I do know is that:  
  
You have spelling errors:  
barchart = bar chart  
suceed = succeed  
amd = and  
gaines = gains  
  
Like I said, I cannot review your approach to the essay discussion or your data presentation due to the lack of image. Please upload the image the next time you post a task 1 essay so that you can receive a complete assessment of your work.
Please help me to correct my lexical mistakes and mark my essay <3  
Topic: Every year several languages die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion ?  
  
Answer:  
It is sometimes argued that annual easing up some languages will facilitate people's easier lives. While I disagree with the idea of eliminating unpopular linguistic saying, I do believe that fewer languages could improve the global economy.  
  
On the one hand, language is the method of human communication, used by a particular country or community and interpreting for the internal characteristics. Therefore, individual languages acquire a reputation for national linguistic culture. Through analyzing the unique semantic factors, we could find out something valuable about ancient history, tradition, character, and so on. Besides, using the same language shows our respect for our original ancestral and cement nationally empathetic citizenship. For example, Japanese companies always give priority to those who could use Japanese coherently instead of those with impressive other languages.  
  
On the other hand, such economic globalization varying all over the world leads to widespread popular language like English, Chinese, French... in several countries. This will motivate external trades among countries, putting the global relationship under cultivation as well as developing countries' importing modern technology from prospering ones. Moreover, we could easily widen our connections with foreign friends around the globe through social means and popular languages. Communicating in the same language makes way for each member of international organizations, known as WHO, WTO, UN and the like, to share their own opinions and work in collaboration.  
  
In conclusion, consensus languages are key to accomplish advanced knowledge to upgrade the living conditions. However, people should respect and maintain their mother tongue as one of the most distinctive traditions.  
  
(258 words)
Ok. Let's review your essay using the scoring guide. It will be easier to explain your mistakes and correcting the errors should be self explanatory on your part.  
  
TA - 4  
The response you gave is not the correct response to the question and your explanation or prompt paraphrase is unclear, confusing, and unrelated to the task. Your actual discussion is divided, using unrelated topics, which created an incoherent and non-cohesive paragraph presentation. Let me show a sample of a more pointed response to the essay:  
  
*It appears that numerous dialects become extinct as the years pass. This does not bother the population of the specific language dead nations. They believe that social interactions will become better when only a few dialects are spoken globally. I strongly oppose this belief due to a few personally observed factors.*  
  
As you can see from the sample, your restatement simply lacks clarity. Perhaps this is because you lack English language proficiency or, you are just over reaching with your vocabulary choices. Either way, you lowered your TA score because of it.  
  
Cohesiveness and Coherence - 3  
Like I said, your overall work shows a lack of clarity in your explanation of reasons. You seem to be extra focused on your vocabulary usage rather than the clear expression of your explanation. By doing so, you have managed to create illogical paragraphs which do not clearly relay what you are thinking or the message you are trying to get across to the reader. There is a lack of relationship between sentences and paragraphs. You only provide reasons without properly presented explanations and supporting sentences. Several reasons do not create an understandable paragraph. A singular reason with a 5 sentence explanation will actually achieve that task.  
  
Lexical Resource - 3  
Again, this relates to the lack of clarity in your essay presentation. Your word choices have made it difficult for the reader to actually understand what you are trying to say. Word choices have distorted the meaning of the paragraphs.  
  
GRA - 3  
  
You are overusing the Oxford comma in your presentations. There is no proper mix of complex and simple sentences in your presentation. You are using ellipses (...) in an academic essay. Your sentence structures are faulty to the point that some sentences are difficult to understand.  
  
It is highly possible that based on your current scores, you could get anywhere between a 3 - 3.5 for this type of writing. It is still far from the 5 base score that exam takers are aiming for.
## Wild animals have no place in the 21st century...

  
  
Some people say that because wild creatures are on the brink of extinction so that there is no point in protecting them. I do disagree with this statement.  
  
Save animals never is a waste of time. First, they are rare, unique, and limited to the world due to their particular origin. As a result of that, they should be loved, respected and maintained. Imagine these animals are your children, who to your perspective, always are the most valuable and significant thing in your world, and you will do everything to bring up and save them. Do the same things with wild animals. Second, they entertain us. Like other animals, wild creatures make us happy, relaxed and maybe, with their origin, they may be more attracted and cared?  
  
Endangered species do not only diversify and popularize our world but also make a contribution to a country where preserves these animals. They make our world more beautiful and diverse, make the nation develops more in tourism and culture and honor its value heritage. A recent statistic from a university in Japan shows that the rate of visitors come to their country has increased due to swans, japan monkeys, and so on. Furthermore, they help scientists discover more things about medicine. Many reports have shown that some wild animals can produce their own cells or bacteria, which protects them from diseases and these compositions also proved to cure cancer and chronic diseases for people.  
  
In conclusion, wild species play a very important role in many fields like agriculture or medicine and embellish our globe. They should be protected as soon as possible.
Aside from the fact that you misrepresented the original prompt in your introduction paraphrase, you also wrote an essay that is 9 words under the word count. That means, your essay will receive points deductions for the missing 9 words. Which will have a heavy effect on your overall score. More importantly, you did not properly rephrase nor respond to the original prompt which is:  
  
*OP: Wild animals have no place in the 21st century, so protecting them is a waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?*  
  
Your representation was:  
  
*Some people say that because wild creatures are on the brink of extinction so that there is no point in protecting them. I do disagree with this statement.*  
  
Note that there was no reference to extinction in the original prompt. Therefore, your paraphrase is incorrect. You also did not properly represent a measured response to the question. A possible correct presentation would have been:  
  
*There is a concern that the conservation of free roaming animals can be considered irrelevant in the 21st century. Therefore, the money used to shield these animals can be seen as being wasted. I strongly oppose this point of view.*  
  
Never change the discussion topic. You will fail in the TA section once you do that. Stick to the original discussion points. Do not include information that cannot be verified as a part of the original prompt. This error has cost you severely in the TA section where, I believe you cannot score better than a 1 because you did not properly rephrase the prompt and your question response was also improperly formatted.  
  
Please remember that the paraphrase with response and the conclusion need to have a minimum of 3 sentences in the presentation. All paragraphs should not be more than 5 sentences also. So you will find additional points deducted because of the improper formatting of the paragraphs as well in relation to the GRA score.  
  
Basically, the essay will not achieve a passing mark at this point. So it would be useless for me to review the other errors of the paper. Please try to submit a properly developed essay next time. One that has a minimum 250 words, but no more than 290 words, with 3-5 sentences per paragraph, composed of 1 topic sentence each. Once you show me you can do that, I will begin to review your exercise essays in earnest. Right now, I cannot do that because the essay will not pass based on formatting and response problems alone.
## Dealing with the climate change

  
  
Task 2:  
*Some people think that developed countries have a higher responsibility to combat climate change than developing countries. Others believe that all countries should have the same responsibilities towards protecting the environment.  
  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion*.  
  
In recent years, as global warming has been receiving a great deal of media attention, the question of what each country can do has become more prominent. Many people think that all countries are equally responsible for preventing climate change. By contrast, others are convinced that advanced countries have a greater responsibility for this. Although I am in favor of the former opinion, this essay will discuss both views.  
  
There are two compelling reasons for the belief of regarding advanced countries as having greater responsibility than developing countries among people. One of the reasons is those countries have tremendous source of money and advanced installation, which developing countries cannot facilitate. As a matter of fact, due to this substantial economic as well as technological potentials, developed countries are the most likely to invest in this issue. The other reason is that non-advanced countries often have a plethora of other severe issues, including poverty. Due to this indubitable fact, many people make this as an excuse to avoid looking into climate change seriously.  
  
Nevertheless, it could be argued that every country must take action to alleviate climate change. We must consider the fact that most pollutants come from developing countries. For instance, in 2018, the proportion of emissions in China was so high that it was even blown to American countries and caused severe repercussions on the atmosphere. Furthermore, only by sharing responsibility in this environmental combat could we gain the most positive outcome. In fact, if every country invests carefully in environmental issues within its territory, global warming will no longer be a concern for the whole humankind.  
  
In conclusion, it is my firm belief that all countries should equally take part in protecting the environment we are living in. Only by that, climate change would diminish and no longer become a threat to the humankind.
The writing is indeed amateurish. The scope of presentation is limited to only type of company when there are several company types in existence. Yes, your teacher was right to include entrepreneurship to the list. Any business, even a mom and pop store, is a form of company. So when you focused only on the large corporations, you limited the discussion and scope of presentation for your paper.  
  
I do not believe that your teacher was asking you focus only on the demands of a company. What he was actually asking you to write about are the types of companies, and how these different types function. What does each type of company represent? How does it perform in that specific field? What it is composed of? What are the duties of such a company to its clients and stake holders? How does one company type differ from the other? Those are the research questions that he hoped you would have represented in your research.  
  
The discussion itself is shallow in the sense that you did not go full throttle into the discussion development of company types. You focused only on the known aspects of company development and function when there are several other considerations to discuss, depending on the type of company. It would have been better if you had your teacher check your draft before you submitted the research paper. That way, you would have known how to adjust the paper before the teacher had to grade it.
## My eating habits

  
  
I don't have a balanced diet. I eat too much in some days, and suddenly eat less in other days. My meals have poor diet. It's quite much fat and protein, lack of vitamins, fruits and vegetables. I eat KFC more than 4 times a month. I love the flavor, sauce and the taste of it. The chicken meat is my favorite. I've never been on a diet, because I don't know much about what kind of diet I should choose, and I can't manage my hunger of food.
Was the instruction for this exercise to have you write a statement only? The reason I ask is because the topic you were given could have very well been extended to a 3-5 paragraph essay instead of this compressed and under developed statement. You have several topic sentences included, but none of these are properly developed to explain your eating habit. Neither do you clearly explain why you have this eating habit and why you are comfortable with it. Anyway, if you were just asked to write a statement, then this is sufficient. There are however, several errors that need to be pointed out.  
  
I will assume that you studying English to as a part of your IELTS preparation. In which case, you need to be conscious of the difference in spelling when it comes to American and British variations of certain words (flavor = flavour, favorite = favourite). Being conscious of these spelling differences could really mean the difference between an impressive and an average LR score in the future.  
  
While you are learning to write in academic British English, or even American English for that matter, you need to avoid writing in contractions (I'm = I am, I've = I have, don't = do not, It's = It is, can't = cannot). Academic writing requires a higher sense of writing formality that contractions do not offer. Contractions are used in informal writing and creative writing tasks. It is never found in an academically slanted paper / writing style.  
  
Your writing requires that you use an Oxford comma when writing a series of related items, before coming to its end (flavor , sauce, fruits **,** and vegetables). Just remember, use the Oxford comma after the word "and" in a series of connected word representations.
## prizes to students for their improvements

  
  
While some people suppose that students who have the best academic outcome should receive reward, others believe that it is significant to prize students who show improvement. From my point of views, I agree with school should reward students who show improvement.  
  
On the one hand, there are two main reasons why people think that school should prize students who show the best academic result. First of all, rewards could create highly competitive education environment among students. Because it could encourage make an effort to study to gain the best score. Furthermore, the best students are identified and they will be given more opportunities to nurture their abilities. For instance, the best students will be chosen for special training in order that take part in national competition. From that, they will develop their abilities.  
  
On the other hand, I am convinced that it is important to reward students who show improvement. First and foremost, when schools reward students who show enhancement, they will be received people's encourage. Therefore, students will improve their study results that bring more favorable outcomes. It can be demonstrated that it will give equality chances for all students instead of focusing only on best students. Thus, all students have motivation to try harder to receive rewards. In addiction, if schools are to attack special importance to improve of learning process, students will try your best and real an effort. As a result, it plays a crucial role in reducing the pressures for the exams and cheating to achieve the high score.  
  
In conclusion, there are different views about the way schools award prizes to students. From my perspective, I strong believe that it is important to reward students who show improvements.