dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hello! Here are some advice:  
  
"... and **~~the~~ analysis ~~to~~ the sources**" may sound more sensible.  
  
"With the data, professionals may...": this long sentence should be split into 2 shorter ones.  
  
There are some prepositions that needs correction. For example "**through** specific techniques" or "prediction **to** the weather for the coming week". Just keep checking whether there are similar mistakes in your writing!  
  
*Either - or* is used when there are only 2 objects mentioned.  
  
One last thing, your final sentence is unecessary. This is Task 1 and you have had an overview, there's no need to include a concluding sentence. Btw there are lots of mistakes in it.  
  
Hope you find my feedback useful!
## life expectancy and retirement age

  
  
*Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent do you agree or disagree?*  
  
It has been observed that there was an considerable increase in the average life expectancy. This has prompted many to encourage the government to implement a policy, in which the retirement age is raised substantially. However, personally I am not convinced by the assertion that people should work much longer than the past. This opinion is based on the face that higher retirement age is likely to associate with inefficiency and higher rate of unemployment.  
  
To start with, I am inclined to believe that the performance at work of the elderly gradually decrease overtime. While admittedly, the old aged have the valuable source of experience, there are also various difficulties they have to cope with when working at such age. A typical issue for the senior is health problem as their immune system have been weaken, This can lead to unstable productivity which have detrimental impact on the working process. Furthermore, they might not be flexible enough for their work as they have to keep up with the constantly developing world. When man reach a certain age, there are decreases in the processing brain. These changes in brain could affect cognitive functions even with healthy old people, which make them unable to sustain good performance at work.  
  
In addition to the instability in performance, the fact that the elder people continue to do their jobs can lead to more severe financial consequences. Consider, for example, the retirement ae is raised and the elderly continue to work. The graduates, however, is lack of experience and vacancy to be hired. Accidentally, raising the retirement age is also raising the rate of unemployment which declines the working efficiency and stagnates the development of the economy.  
  
My consideration of the issue of the raise of retirement age has explored factors such as instability in productivity and stagnant in the economy. I believe that the age at which people retire should not be raised to such an extent that it may affect the efficiency of work and the process of the society.
Hi there! It is extremely important that you should check your essay carefully again to correct some spelling and grammar mistakes. I'm impressed by your vocabulary, however there are some repetitive words such as "efficiency".  
  
You should consider changing some words. I suggest you replace this with "elderly people":  
"While admittedly, the **old aged** have...".  
Here's one that I find a bit hard to understand: "there are decreases in the **processing brain**".  
  
Besides what I've pointed out, I think your ideas are brilliant! Hope you find my feedback useful!
## dance is my favorite form of exercise

  
  
Not only eating, but also exercising plays an important role in our life. If we want to have healthy bodies, doing exercising regularly is imperative.To me, dancing is my favorite exercise. Due to this reason, it undoubtly is the exercise which I take the most. I always dancing with my friends at the stadium. Before we started to dance, we would warm up first. We would learn new dance step during our practices everytime. We didn't need to prepare anything except an audio speaker, so it usually could be done at any open places.  
  
Since I was an elementary school student, I started to perform ballet and variety of dances. I found pleasure from dancing and gradually fall in love with it. Being influenced by popular cultures, I started to learn hip-hop, jazz, dance hall and mordern dance. By dancing, I could release my pressure. It also let me get more extroverted and confident, I gradually dare to express my opinion to others. Now, dancing is my daily routine, I can't stand a day without dancing.
This is not an essay. from one side you are trying to show how important the dance is, and from the other you tell it an exercise !  
  
your grammar and vocabulary are weak. you should not start with "not only" it is a bad way to begin your essay like that  
for example " I found pleasure from dancing" "fall in love with it" you should write ' I found pleasure in dancing' ' I like/fond of ....'  
  
try to write harder one  
best luck
1. There are some spelling mistakes such as undoubtedly and every time.  
2. Many of your sentences can be paraphrased in a more straightforward way. For instance, you may change "It also let me get more extroverted and confident" to "It turned me into an extroverted and confident person"  
  
3. It will be a complete essay if you've written it in Chinese. However, it's quite illogical when it was done in English. You should try to think in English instead of translating sentences from your native language. Either novel, news report, or others' essay will help you a lot.
## best learning method for students

  
  
*TOPIC: Some teachers say students should be organized into groups to study, while others argue that students should be made to study alone.  
Tell the benefits of each study method. Which do you think is more effective?*  
  
People always have different views about what is the best learning method for students. Although there are those who may argue that students should study by themselves, I hold the belief that putting students into groups is the superior learning way.  
  
From my perspective, the first and foremost reason why people think studying alone is the best way is that students can be more independent than others. Self-study students normally have abilities to deal with all difficulties themselves instead of asking for help from teachers or peers. In other words, students would be capable of addressing academic problems independently which is considered as a benefit in today's society.  
  
However, from my point of view, I believe students should be organized into groups in order to study effectively and efficiently. Admittedly, schools or universities are like a small society, each person in this society could learn various essential skills such as how to be an excellent leader or they can sharpen their communication skills. In my personal experience, when students are put into small groups, we have to learn how to express our ideas in a well-mannered way and accept others' opinions politely at the same time. As a result, students would grow mentally and physically and become more mature during the discussion. Besides, collaboration is another principal factor why students should study with others with diverse backgrounds and personalities, we may learn how to be a good team player and realize the importance of cooperation. If students lack these experiences, it would be difficult for them to be a well-rounded person.  
  
In conclusion, it is obvious that studying in groups is much more beneficial to students than studying alone; therefore, I am convinced that studying with others is a more effective option.
Hi @oneouran, there are groups of words are redundant to me, for example: "From my perspective, ~~the first and foremost~~ the firstreason why...", "However, ~~from my point of view~~, I believe... "and btw can i ask that what is the difference between "effectively" and "efficiently"? If they are the same, u should take 1 off.  
  
Basically, u should make your essay clearer, the more it clear, the higher point u get, u should focus more on the content, and evade abundant words as i stated.  
  
Hope u do well in the future!
@oneouran  
Hi there!  
  
Firstly, restructure your sentences in a way that you would be able to articulate in a more compact manner. If you can do this, you'll be able to focus more on the direction that your essay is going. Having said that, what this means is primarily omitting unnecessary and irrelevant words when you are writing. Focus only on words that would let you translate your thoughts in a more efficient manner. If you can do this, you'll have more focus in your writing. Remember that writing isn't just about filling in the required number of words. Depth is critical in determining how put-together your essay would be.  
  
As was already mentioned here, it is also essential that you are able to retain an informative tone throughout your writing. What this pertains to would be to evade using words such "*I believe*" as they do not really mean much for your writing.  
  
Additionally, incorporating firmer examples that are of real-world content would also be beneficial for you as it would help you have a more intuitive writing that's believable and not merely uttering random nuances.  
  
Best of luck as always!
## the abortion debate essay

  
  
***Recently, abortion increases rapidly and becomes a controversial topic. Some people suppose that abortion should be legal while others are against it.  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.***  
  
*Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  
You should write at least 250 words.*  
  
Solution:  
Abortion problem occurs popularly in young girls or some people who is uncontrolled in sex, which lead them to have been pregnant accidentally. From which, some people argue that the abortion is protected and promoted by law as opposite to preventing it from spreading. Personally, I agree with the opinion that abortion is controlled and legal in society.  
  
On the one hand, legalization about the abortion that some of people approve it. Each young girl or mother when they have been pregnant in unintentional case, they can keep or give up the baby because the human - right is applied and should respect to their view. In addition, they are so young or not enough financial condition to care and bring up the baby inside uterus, but also they suffer the pressure from their family, relationship and community. For example, instead of keeping baby - pregnancy then they are ready for eliminating it to achieve the successful career since they are so young, full of energy and have a bright future.  
  
On the other hand, abortion is not a simple decision for any individual and if it not implement in term of modern solution, the issue causes unpredicted result such as infertility, even died. For instant, in case of the pregnancy is more than twenty - two weeks and decide to give up, thus it can be dangerous for the mother's body. Moreover, after we carry out the surgical operation according to medical procedure about this work, the health of mother is weaker and more depressed. Hence, this affect to mental - physical status going with leaving the stigma and aliment in their life later.  
  
Overall, in my personal opinion that we should record the each view, realize the abortion in a positive way.
@chituantran99  
Hi there.  
  
Welcome to the forum. Let me provide you with feedback on your writing.  
  
Firstly, the formatting of your sentences can be improved through simplification techniques. Try to use a more straightforward writing pattern in order to articulate more efficiently the words that you're trying to portray. Doing so will help you minimize the mistakes you've made throughout the writing process. If you can do this, you'll be able to create more substantial and in-depth information. Having this simplified, conventional writing is also ideal for when you are trying to express your opinion because the translation of meaning is not lost.  
  
That being said, when you have sentences (see your body ie. paragraphs two and three) that are lengthy, try your best to evade them altogether. Remember that your goal is to always ensure that you are understood by the readers. If you can, omit unnecessary words. If you can, separate your sentences into two different lines.  
  
Always read through your English reference materials as I can tell that you had issues in terms of substantiating. Try to focus more on enhancing the depth of your writing through this process of editing the grammatically incorrect portions.  
  
Best of luck as always.
## paper on the Death Penalty

  
  
**Without capital punishment (the death penalty) our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?**  
  
Capital punishment has constantly evolved as a major concern of topic in recent years. Many people reckon that execution is necessary to keep security system efficient in the society, however, the others are still unconvinced of its merits. From my own perspective, although the conception of death penalty yield some positive outcomes, I strongly believe that death punishment must be abrogated.  
  
There are many plausible arguments in favour of capital punishment. To begin with, death penalty is widely acknowledged as the most practical deterrent to potential offenders. Fear of execution will keep them at distance from committing brutal crimes, thereby, weighting up their actions. For instance, the government of Pakistan has controlled the rate of terrorism by enforcing death penalties for the members of terrorist organizations. By this way, capital punishment will contribute to the reduction of crime rate and security of society. In addition, it is society duty to reclaim the justice for the victim and console their grieving family. To elaborate, unscrupulous actions of major criminals could make the whole family suffer from the loss of the sole breadwinner which puts a strain on other members. Therefore, these criminals should assume the responsibility for their unlawful actions.  
  
However, the death penalty could be properly uncivilized in many certain cases. The strongest argument is that death execution shows no sense of humanity and community. To clarify, living is the basic right of any human being which should not be infringed , irrespective of the person's deeds. Therefore, this method can be a violation of human rights to kill someone by poisonous injections, hanging or by electrocution. Instead, the punishment should be based on factors that constitute an offence, especially for those who commit crime just because of their accidental circumstances should be given a commuted sentence.Another reason worth mentioning is that ineffective law enforcement can lead to wrongful execution. Many people, for instance, are falsely accused resulting from the loopholes on the justice system such as bureaucracy or brutality. As a consequence, more often than not, most residents got frustrated and lose their faith in law because the judicial system fails to solve the criminal problems. That is why the punishment should be based on factors that constitute an offence, especially for those who commit crime just because of their accidental circumstances should be given a commuted sentence.  
  
In conclusion, although death penalty can be seen as an effective law that can control violence crime of society, I believe that this type of punishment is extremely an violation of human rights.  
  
Hope to see feedbacks from you guys<3  
Thank you very much for reading my essay.
@tonhi2002  
Hi there!  
  
I can see that you're new here. Welcome to the forum. I hope that you stay here with us and actively contribute. Let me try my best to help you with this essay.  
  
Firstly, try to evade the usage of useless and unnecessary fillers. Avoiding these words will clear space in your essay, creating a more substantive outlook overall. Furthermore, this will also help you create a more informative tone that satiates the need of these types of analytical written content.  
  
Your manner of transitioning in between sentences is already sufficient. Try using this as an effective base for you to create a more organic tone in your content.  
  
You also have a tendency to create lengthy structures of sentences. Try to crop these sentences (in reference, particularly to the third paragraph) into smaller chunks. If you do this, you'll be more efficient in relaying information.  
  
Be more specific as well when you're introducing technical concepts that are niche-specific. Doing so will help you in the long-run to curate content that's substantive.  
  
Best of luck as always in your writing.
## stabil and environmental friendly economy

  
  
Some people assert that economic growth is the only way to end starvation and destitution, while others put it down to natural destruction and want it to be prevent. In this essay, I will discuss both perspective and give my opinion.  
  
Economic activities including agriculture, manufacturing or trading and selling,.... Therefore, it is undoubtedly that, the economic has played an pivotal role in alleviate poverty. We can effortlessly come up with the inference that the more advanced in economic, the greater demand for labour. For example, developed country like Japan imports at least 10000 workers annually for producing products, which has helped not only to lower the unemployment rates of the continent by 1.5%, but also minimize hunger. This suggests that by improving a country's economic means enhancing people with long-term payments.  
  
On the other hand, economic growth has raised the standard of living. In other words, company will have to accelerate the mass of production in order to meet up with individuals requirements and for better profit. Nowadays, it can easily be seen that most of farms are using more chemical in fertilizers and pesticides or factories are burning more fuels and releasing tons of wastes together with emissions into the environment. As a results, citizens now have to live with air pollution and serious water contamination. Working and living in this surrounding in a long run will lead to fatal disease such as lung cancer. People making more money because of economic growth, however, they have to spend all of their money to fight back unwanted illness. The circulation of making and spending will one way or another bring them back to poverty and hunger.  
  
In conclusion, I elucidate that economic growth has played an vital role in erasing hunger, however, the way human pushing it at a break-neck pace has destroyed the environment and given counterproductive results. Therefore, in my opinion, I believe that only by enhancing economic with stability and environmental friendly will the problem to be solved.
Economic growth is ...  
Title is awkward.  
Better: The Effects on Poverty and the Environment due to the Economic Growth  
  
Some people assert that ...  
  
Better: Most people is delighted to hear about economic growth in their nation. Economic growth play pivotal role in alleviating poverty across the country. However, it can cause some serious damage for the environment, if the companies do not take caution.  
  
Economic activities ....  
  
Try not to use first person like "We"  
Better: Agriculture, manufacturing, and so on are all economic activities. Therefore, when those industries thrive, many people can have better living conditions because it will give them jobs. For example, developed country like Japan imports at least 10000 workers annually for producing products, which has helped not only to lower the unemployment rates of the continent by 1.5%. This means that more people have jobs, and they can afford necessary goods such as food and water. This suggests that by improving a country's economic status will lead the citizens to have a better living condition.  
  
I will end here for today. If you can read over my essay, I would greatly appreciate that. Thanks!
@vilender  
Hello there.  
  
Let me provide a few comments that will hopefully help you in your writing.  
  
Firstly, the introduction appeared to be quite bland. Try to add more details and create an enhanced dynamic writing style through incorporating more specific terminologies. If you do this, you'll create a more descriptive essay that will truly relay the information that you need.  
  
In addition, the transitions that you have appear to be quite inorganic and unnatural. Fix this through minimizing these filler transitions - instead, focus more on building a logical approach to fathoming what your words mean in specific. Having this step-by-step process would help you incorporate more decent information to your text, building more of an informative tone to your writing.  
  
Be cautious of your grammatical composition. You had a few minor slip-ups that can easily be fixed through looking through these information in a more specific light.  
  
Bear these in mind - and best of luck in your writing as always.
## The maps illustrated the way to approach a city hospital in 2 different years.

  
Through this map, it can be easily seen that there was a remarkable development of this area. Except for the stabilization of city hospital campus and Ring Road, underlying features are intersection and parking spaces changes.  
  
From 2007 to 2010, two roundabouts were added. One is located at the three-way junction of the hospital road and the Ring Road, while the second one is situated at the four-way intersection of the hospital road and the city road. This sensible arrangement helped generate the flow of traffic and alleviate accident proportion of this place.  
  
The second change improving the visibility of this road was the parking lot and bus space. In 2007, both staff and public had their rights to park, three years later that parking space was divided into two spaces, one to the right of hospital road for employees and one in front of the hospital gate for public. Three bus stops were substituted for a bus station leading to both two roundabouts to facilitate citizens' needs.
@shureoni  
Hi there!  
  
Welcome to the forum. I hope you find the feedback you're looking anywhere here. Next time, it would be beneficial for us to be given the maps that you are trying to interpret to give us more information about the topic.  
  
Your writing is clear and straight to the point - both traits that I often look for when dissecting these types of essays. I would only suggest that you try to have a more logical, step-by-step approach to writing. What this pertains to would be focusing more on the particular details, creating more depth and appreciation for the flow of your content.  
  
Furthermore, it would also be beneficial to the writing if you can abide by the fundamental grammatical roles that are imposed. Try rereading your reference materials to help you in this.  
  
Best of luck as always.