dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The writing could be a little more formal by opting for more barely used vocabulary. "able, unable, would, could, might" may be used in exchange for "can, can not" in certain cases. Also, pets can be paraphrased to human's beloved friends for instance. The topic sentence in the 2nd paragraph could be more explicit about the following context. FE: Keeping pets is a viable alternative to provide people with a great sense of fulfillment.
In my opinion, having pets is an overall positive practice due to the great psychological advantages enjoyed by owners. You should not use due to here since due to only used for negative intention. Try to say : regarding great psychological advantages ....  
  
As a result, they can make people's house unclean and dirtier.: with respective to grammar, this sentence is oke but about is logical thinking, it is bad.You should use comparative sentence for 2 adj, but it is better for only 1 adj : or dirty or unclean because they support 1 meaning : it is not clean. the task response for body 1 is nice.  
  
However the body 2 has 3 main ideas and none of them were analyzed clearly.
## funding arts or education?

  
  
It is a common belief that government support for the arts should be cut back to increase funding for education. I completely agree with this view for the following reasons.  
  
To begin with, money spent on education is barely enough. Most schools in developing and underdeveloped countries are either poorly equipped or equipped with dilapidated facilities. This slows down students' study progress as they cannot approach school subjects properly. Take students in Nigeria as an example, the majority of students there have no access to computers and internet connection. This limits children's opportunities to learn IT, which requires at least a set of computers.  
  
On top of that, while education is a necessity, art is rather a luxury. Although it is argued that artworks serve to educate people about the culture, history, and heritage of a country and also act as landmarks or talking points for visitors and tourists, their importance is incomparable to that of education. Ensuring the quality of education at all levels is essential to produce professionals who can serve the nation better, playing an important role in the development of a country. However, if art is a nation's top priority, they will only receive temporary benefits from visitors and tourists, which are an unstable source of income.  
  
To conclude, although education plays a vital role in the progress of a country, funding for education is rather low. For these reasons, I firmly believe that higher amounts of money should be spent on education instead of the arts.
The writer has done a very good job in discussing his supporting opinion points. The reasons provided are sound and well explained to the reader. The examiner will take note of this and apply the correct C+C score to the reasoning sections.However, the C+C will be slightly limited in scoring range because of 2 reasons:  
  
1. The prompt restatement was delivered clearly. However, the personal opinion does not offer the summary of supporting reasons. This resulted in only a partly clear opinion presentation. The subjects for the opinion should be indicated as a part of the opinion statement at all times.  
  
2. The concluding summary forgot to indicate a reasoning restatement. The restatement would have helped the essay meet the minimum 40 word count for the reverse paraphrase section at the end.  
  
Not worry though, the essay will still get a passing score, just not as high as it could have been.
The essay lacks of cohesion since you use very few conjunctions. This affects your cohesion and cohesive point. In the 1st paragraph, every sentence seems to have no connection with each other: ...connection. As a result, this limits children's ... This is an example. The 2nd paragraph lacks the evidence, specifically the example. You know, the higher the band, the more focus you need to pay on task response and cohesive, however the 2nd is the same as 1st, every sentence does not support each other, they just beat around the bust and not consolidate. Try to have a logic idea before writing
Technological advancements have revolutionized the market recently. Whilst a wide range of individuals opine that state-of-the-art technology has been conducive to shopping today, others are frowned upon. I subscribe to the former notion. This essay will elaborate on both sides and my perspective.  
  
To commence with, the rationales why numerous people hold the opinion that e-commerce is nothing to get excited about, and even presents several troubles vary. Firstly, customers are liable for being fraught with problems of delay in the delivery. It probably takes more some days for their purchases to reach their hand, which seems to be a real nuisance to those who urgently need something on special occasions such as Christmas and Tet holiday when sales volumes are likely to increase. In contrast, should individuals purchase in a brick-and-mortar store, they can receive it at once. Secondly, sending goods back would be a big headache because there have been striking variations between return policies of manifold e-commerce shops. Packaging, for instance, can pose minor problems. Worse still, it would appear that in some cases you have to bear the cost of delivery.  
  
Nevertheless, I am in favor of the opinion that shopping is increasingly facilitated by the proliferation of technology. The first justification is that prospective buyers may be empowered to achieve some substantial savings. When visiting boutiques, sales assistants tend to lure them into purchasing unnecessary items with clever advertising. That shoppers get to proceed at their own space, however, may enable them to resist the urgent to purchase everything. Moreover, those can also avail themselves of coupons from retail stores and free shipping, aiming to buy at bargain prices and decrease full amounts. The second reason is that online shopping could alleviate the transmission of pathogens. To be specific, it can ensure effective social distancing and prevent community spread, thereby exerting a positive influence on societies during the COVID-19 pandemic. Take me as an example, only with one click did I overcome onerous quarantine at home with a view to avoiding being potentially exposed to COVID -19 cases.  
  
To sum up, I suppose that simplification in e-commerce business powered by cutting-edge technology can be ascribed to assistance in saving money and a substantial reduction in health and safety risks.
Do not refer to recent technological advancements in the discussion since there was no such reference in the original prompt. Just remove the word "recently" and the restatement would be more appropriate. There is a confusion presented in the mention of the second point of view. That sentence is improperly structured. It should have said "Others frown upon this practice". When you mentioned the point of view that you "subscribe to", then the next sentence should have been the reason why you support that point of view. The repetition of the discussion instructions will result in a lower score since the writer's opinion remained unsupported in the thesis presentation.  
  
Focus more on the clarity of the reasoning basis than the presentation of reasons. I found myself highly confused by the constant reasoning, but little explained information to support it. The paragraph ended up being full of reasons, but lacking in clarity of thought and explanation development. The fact that the sentences were not well formed also added to this jumbled discussion paragraph. Next time, think of a good reason, explain the public opinion, then tell the reader what you think of that opinion. The examiner is looking for thought clarity, not reasoning numbers.  
  
The personal opinion discussion is well developed. I am impressed, even as the sentence structures are imperfectly written. However, the lack of proper public opinion referencing in relation to the 2nd discussion point will be a scoring drawback for this opinion paper. The writer should be using the 3 paragraph format presentation that works on explaining the 2 public opinions separately before presenting his own opinion in support of a public perception.  
  
As far as the score will go, the essay may get a low but passing score because of the missing discussion point and GRA problems. If the writer will focus on discussion clarity instead of reasoning number, he may improve his scores in his next essay.
## IELTS task 2: CONSUMER GOODS & ENVIRONMENT

  
  
The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem?  
  
It is said that the output increments, over the past decades, have devastated the nature immensely. While the growing number of factories play an integral part in causing the massive loss of habitats, the expansion of materials for exploiting does significantly contribute to a higher level of pollution. Hence, the authority ought to encourage raising awareness in human beings about how the planet Earth might suffer from because of industrialization.  
  
Initially, the enviroment may have to face severe consequences owing to the abrupt growth of industries. In other words, the introduction of new factories means that businesses are obliged to replace the existing natural lands in which many wild animals used to live, or farming plantations situated. If this trend develops to an overloaded extent, creatures in the Earth will take risk of extinction since they have lost places where they got accustomed to finding their sources of food or safe shelter for hibernation.  
  
Another highlting reason for this is how more frequently people seek natural resources nowadays. In retrospect, when this planet once remained healthy, poaching or hunting for ingredients of manufacture occured not so occasionally as today. For instance, non-renewable resources such as coal and water force has increasingly been exploited in an attempt to sustain their profound demands for energy supply, endengering pollution to not only the air by exhaust fumes but also to the water by discharged untreated waste.  
  
Besides, it is advisable that quality education should be applied on dwellers. In this day and age, a myriad of humans remain unaware of this controversial dilemma; the government ought to teach them, especially the young generations, how non-environmentally-friendly can consumer goods become. If the young, who tend to go green and adovacate conservation practices, had been well-informed enough, a plethora of destructive actions would have been protested against, thereby being forced off.  
  
In conclusion, how abruptly industrialization enhances as well as the overuse of resources can be considered as various potential causes. It is also recommended that people should carry out educating every person carefully so that this development can be put an end to.  
  
Thanks for reading, I am really looking forward to your feedback!
The opening sentence of the restatement fails to accurately give the writer's version of the original topic. It does not refer to an actual subject and only offers a general statement that is only somewhat related to the given discussion. Using heavy sounding words in that sentence did not help his score because of the lack of writing or thought clarity in the presentation. It created a diffucult to understand overall paragraph which would result in a failing score in 2 relevant sections.  
  
As for the discussion, the writer did not follow the correct writing format either since he wrote 3 reasoning paragraphs when the required number was only for 2 cohesively discussed topics. The overwriting will be another reason why the essay will fail. It contains far beyond the 300 maximum word requirement, which clearly indicates a lack of proper content editing for coherent discussion paragraphs. There was no need for 2 reasons covering 2 paragraphs. The writer should have aimed for cohesive writing through the use of one paragraph that perfectly blended 2 related reasons.  
  
Sentence structures are off for the most part. The grammar is not well written and shows a lack of proper word usage for the most part. The writer needs to learn more about grammar usage in relation to writing rules in an overall format. I cannot pinpoint just one section for improvement because it needs to be a full skill development on the writer's part.
## the process for recycling plastic bottles

  
  
The flow chart illustrates the procedure of recycling plastic containers. In general, this process consists of nine steps which are happened in several places.  
  
As can be seen from the flow chart, to begin with, plastic containers are disposed of and put into recycling bins, which are collected to recycled trucks. Then, plastic bottles which are gathered to these trucks are transported to a recycling centre. Next, at the recycling centre, plastic bottles are separated from metal, plass or other non-recyclable rubbish; also, they are sorted by the type of plastic they are made from. After that, plastic bottles which are recyclable are compressed into cubic bales in order to be more easy to transport.  
  
Turning to the next five steps of the flow chart, plastic cubic bales are then delivered to a factory where they are ground into plastic flakes. Before these flakes are melt to form plastic pellets, they are washed to remove liquid, food or chemical residue. Once plastic pellets are ready to be heated and bundled up, they are packed into raw material. After that, plastic raw material is distributed to many different factories where this type of material is manufactured to plastic items and other kinds of products. Then, these products are used and placed in recycling bin to start a new cycle of recycling.
Always keep in mind that there is a 20 minute time limit for perfecting the information presentation in this task. Such a time frame only allows for 200 words written in the final form. The draft being composed of no more than 150 words to allow for 50 additional words during the final edit. This essay obviously did not pass through a final editing form.  
  
When writing the trending statement for an illustrative diagram, the writer should make sure to use the starting procedure and ending procedure point along with the number of steps involved. Failure to do so creates a useless / non-informative trending reference. It does not help the report reach a good preliminary score.  
  
One cannot refer to "as can be seen in the chart" or "turning to" since the reader is assumed to not have any access to the image being reported on. Therefore, the references should be in a factual report format, without needing the reader to look at any references to understand the report. This is not an acceptable starting discussion form for the reporting paragraphs.
## money spent on kids in Great Britain

  
  
The line chart show regard the money spent by parents on their children's sports and the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain from 2008 to 2014.  
  
Overall, we can easily see that the average money parents spend on children's sports steadily increasing over each years. In fact, parents were taking care of about healthy of their children more.  
  
In 2008 year, parents spend around 20 pounds on children's sports each month. This amounts money increased year by year. In 4 years, from 2010 to 2014, this spending increased gradually over years and reaching 32 pound in 2014 year.  
  
Look at the number of children participation sport, we can see that have a similar predisposition with spending of parents. The first time of the research, the number of children play athletics and swimming was on a low, under 1 millions and 2 millions children respectively. By contract , football was a sport more popular than athletics and swimming with the number of player was 8 millions. However, behold significant change of the player of both athletics and swimming then football was still stable rose, from 7.5milions to 9 millions player over the following 6 years. While the number of athletics player have a dramatic increase from 1 millions to around 5 millions player. And children participation swimming had more than double from 2 millions to 4 millions.
There is an error in the image representation within the summary overview. Since reference is made to 2 different sets of information, it is safe to assume that there are at least 2 line graph presentations provided. However, the version that was written indicates only 1 image, with 2 different information references. Something that is not possible and will confuse the reader. The summary overview is a failure. Even the trending statement is inaccurate as it focuses only on the expense of the parents when there should also be a reference to the number of children participating in sports. The writer has failed to provide an accurate task summary, the first paragraph will result in a non-passing starting score due to information inaccuracies.  
  
The overall presentation is scattered, lacking in proper analysis, and missing pertinent information references. The writer has not provided the examiner with a reason to give him a passing score. The work provided is so problematic in terms of analysis and sentence presentation that it can only receive a non passing mark overall.
The way you use English is pretty careless and you basically do not know much about collocations.  
For example: it should be "do athletics and go swimming"  
-"In 2008 ~~year~~", no need to put "year" after the number  
-"This amount~~s~~ of money"  
-"In 4 years, from 2010 to ..." this sentence is too problematic. Why have to put -"over years" when you already write "from 2010 to 2014", not to mention that you write "increased year by year" in the previous sentence? An unnecessary repetition. Wrong tense for "reaching" as well. It should be "and reached 32 pounds by 2014"  
  
-"The first time of the research" - in the first year surveyed  
-spelling error - by contrast  
-"on a low" what is this? A phrase that does not exist. If you mean it is low in number, then there should be a comparison to other categories to show "how" low it is.  
  
The rest contains several other mistakes relating to adverbs, run-on sentences, word choice and require the writer to familiarise himself more with English.
First is the wrong of grammar: ... parents spend on children's sports steadily increasing over each years.  
  
==> only increased ( if it is in past tense), this will affect your GRAMMAR SCORE IN IELTS test.  
Second is the misbalance between 2 body graph.  
Some words can be updated for higher band: In 4 years, from 2010 to 2014, ==> Over a period of 4 years from X to Y.  
Plus S to Pound, we have 32 pounds not 32 pound.  
You seem to add " ing" and delete it everywhere you like , be careful with that.
## switching from one work to another

  
  
People have different views about whether individuals should continue their line of work or not. This essay will articulate both views along with my perception.  
  
On the one hand, there are several reasons why a person should stay in the same job for life. Firstly, commiting to one work ensures stable income and life-insurance.To be clearer, every company must legally pay not only health insurances but also proper salaries for their employees as long as those workers have commitment to work for the company over a year. Therefore, those employees who have decent job with stable income are more likely to have no insecurities about finacial problems or life securities thanks to the company's ensurance in the long term. Secondly, employees who consistently pursue one certain occupation are more likely to get promotion opportunities after years experiencing various tasks, which not only benefits themselves in terms of working experience but also brings valuable contribution to company, enterprise and society as a whole.  
  
However, some might argue that switching jobs could bring more advantages for a myriad of reasons. Firstly, workers changing their jobs regularly could be equipped with a wide-ranging variety of professional skills. Therefore, they will be better prepared for the new worl entailed at any position, which means that companies can save their time and money on training new employees. Secondly, moving to a new job allows people to broaden their horizons in numerous fields. For instance, people who do various jobs whereby they can enlarge their social circles by striking up new relationship with new colleagues, which offers multipiled advantages to bussiness and life.  
  
In conclusion, although both views have its own pros, I believe that staying for one certain profession is more beneficial for worker, company and society in the long run.
The prompt restatement is not related to the original prompt. The writer has changed the topic from the decision of people to work in long term jobs, or changing jobs frequently. It has nothing to do with whether a person should continue his line of work or not. So the writer has already failed in the task restatement aspect of the first paragraph. By failing to indicate what one advantage and disadvantage of each point of view offers, the writer has failed the preliminary scoring aspect of the test. There is no appropriate writer opinion in relation to the advantage and disadvantage of each. This is not a prompt that follows the discuss both views and give your opinion discussion format.  
  
The reasoning paragraphs are relevant so that means the writer just did not know how to properly restate the prompt topic. He also had no clear idea of how to handle the direct questions provided. Therefore, his reasoning paragraphs will help his score, but not necessarily make it a passing one since he failed to edit and correct sentence, grammar, and spelling errors in his preentation prior to submission.
Firstly, it is the misbalance of your essay. The opening is quite short. Try to extend your opening: For example :  
People have different views about whether individuals should continue their line of work or not. This essay will articulate both views along with my perception. ==> It is observed that people are increasingly wondering about their continuity of work. Then use a while + clause, clause to give 2 views. The last sentence is : This essay will analyze both viewpoints of the phenomenon and the reasons why I advocate the latter or former.  
  
The same with the conclusion: add a recommendation or prediction: IT is predicted that people will be likely to change their job in the future