dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
This is my new essay, please give me your comment if any. Thanks in advance!  
  
**In some cities, there are few controls on the design and construction of homes and other buildings, and owners can decide on the styles of their houses.  
  
Do the advantages of this outweigh its drawbacks?**  
  
## free choice of architecture

  
  
People's opinions differ as to whether urban buildings should be controlled in terms of design and architecture. While there are some benefits to unregulated construction in cities, I would argue that the advantages of this are outweighed by its disadvantages.  
  
Firstly, some degree of control is necessary to ensure a harmonious urban landscape. If builders did not follow any guidelines, they could create homes that may look wonderful on their own but do not fit together. This will result in chaotic urban scenery, with every construction vying for attention but getting in each other's way. Therefore, it is important that some level of control be imposed on urban planning. Architects should follow certain criteria, while still having some room for creativity and originality. Some cities in the world have managed to achieve this. New York, for instance, has a harmonious combination of old housing and new buildings that look different but fit together as a whole.  
  
Opponents of regulations on construction might argue that homeowners want to design their establishments according to their own purposes and financial capacity. Rich people, they claim, may want a luxury mansion with a wide range of facilities inside, whereas poorer inhabitants would only require, and be able to afford, a plain dwelling. Such a rationale has seen many cities, including my own - Hanoi, allow almost every style of construction, with advocates claiming that freedom of choice should be valued over aesthetics.  
  
However, this 'freedom' argument is highly suspect. In reality, people of the same social status and level of wealth often live in the same neighbourhood, thus negating the possibility of inhabitants being forced to build homes that go beyond their means. Additionally, in most cases, regulations on homes would merely restrict the outer designs of buildings, leaving the interior to owners' discretion. Therefore, any unique, personal requirement can still be met without undermining the common landscape.
Pham, be consistent in your presentation. When you count out the reasons for a discussion such as your reference to "Firstly" in the second paragraph, then the second paragraph should present a second reason by indicating "Secondly". Since you did not follow through on the counting presentation, then you should not have started with it in the first place. After all, your second reasoning paragraph showcased the opposing discussion. Use topic sentences at the start of every reasoning paragraph instead. That creates a clearer discussion presentation for the reader. By the way, you cannot go over 5 sentence per paragraph. That is the maximum requirement. You went over that number in the second paragraph. Keep it short but informative because you need to leave enough time to reconsider your discussion points, improve upon the ideas presented, and revise or edit the content for clarity and sentence structure considerations. There is also the question of your essay not being properly concluded. You continued to discuss the topic provided in the last paragraph, then neglected to present a concluding summary. This would affect the TA section of your essay and could reduce your score because you did not complete the essay parts presentation which is composed of a prompt paraphrase, 2-3 reasoning paragraphs, and a concluding summary.
Here is my latest essay, Please be free to leave your comments. Thanks in advance  
**Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?**  
  
## Sending kids to private schools to exempt from tax?

  
  
There is a common belief that those parents who have children engaged in private education should not be obligated to pay taxes which support the public education system. In my opinion, I totally disagree with this view.  
  
It would be completely wrong if we reduce taxes for families who choose non-public education. Firstly, any citizen has an obligation to pay taxes whether they intentionally use the public services or not. For instance, many people might live their whole life without calling police or fire brigade at any time. However, they would not expect a tax reduction for that. Secondly, it would be truly complicated and difficult to calculate the correct amount of tax reduction for those parents who send their children to private schools. Since the government budget is not used for merely funding education but other critical affairs, therefore, it would be somewhat problematic if we offer tax deduction for these parents.  
  
From my perspective, it would be much reasonable if citizens are all responsible for paying taxes that support public education system. Thanks for the sufficient amount of tax collected, the quality of the education would be ensured in long run, which in turn benefit the whole society. In other words, there would be many educated people, who could either be outstanding entrepreneurs or excellent workers. Furthermore, when every family has the obligation to pay taxes, it would be a great way to promote the fairness among society. In other words, there would be no situation where the poor pay higher taxes than the rich.  
  
To conclude, because of the reasons above, I do not agree that families who send their children to private schools should not have the obligation to pay taxes that support the state educational system.
This is a good essay and well-organized one. You deliverd your message clearly and with good range of vocabulary. I noticed some grammatical mistakes in this essay which are:  
  
"..., it would be much reasonable if ..." you can change the word much to very as it is very confusing in the context.  
  
"... where the poor pay higher ..." the verb pay must be pays as the poor is singular/  
  
Over all, this is good one you may get between 6.5-7.5, in my perspective.
**In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry.  
Why is this the case?  
What can be done about this problem?**  
  
## breakthroughs in the farming field

  
  
It is no doubt true that there are many breakthroughs in the field of farming in recent years. However, hunger still to haunt many million people over the world and the number of people living in poverty is no sign of decline. This essay will mention some major causes and measures should be taken to solve this phenomenon.  
  
Due to the development of the economy and average people living standard, many areas in the world have faced with inflation and that would lead to growth in the product price including food. While the income of some people still unchanged and people in poor those who even do not possess any land to self-cultivate. As a result, if the food does not be provided in concessional rate, they would not access it. Another reason is due to climate change in recent decades. Drought, tsunami, earthquake and many other natural disasters have taken away asset of many residents worldwide. Some areas of Africa, for example, have not rained in many years. Consequently, people living in these regions cannot grow their crops. They depend on food that was grown in other areas and if that is not available, then these people will have to go hungry.  
  
However, there are several actions that could be taken to mitigate the problem mentioned above.  
Firstly, The government need to ensure that food is always available for needy people or at a reasonable price. For instance, in developing countries, people in need can receive free products like meat, rice, the bread which already reached expiry date but can still be used at local supermarkets.In addition, The authorities should also provide financial support for poor farmers such as Low-interest loans to create the chance for them to cultivate for providing food for themselves and for the market. Secondly, It is better for wealthy nations which grow surplus food to show the generous to share their excess with poor countries that do not have enough food for citizens. International organizations have to play an important role in ensuring that nations share their rich and resources with those that need it.  
  
In conclusion, although it is obvious that productivity in agriculture has improved owing to technology advance, numerous people are still deprived of the food necessity. However, governments must have the responsibility to implement a range of measures to enhance the quality of life for the poor and reduce the poverty rate.
Hi, @thaonghiem,  
  
I love your idea and how the way you deliver it, but I find several grammar issues and I want to give you suggestion about the pattern. Hopefully, it will be useful to improve your writing.  
  
This is we call introduction :  
... However, hunger still ~~to~~ haunt ... and *the number of people living in poverty ...* do not give the new idea outside of question. *This essay will mention some major ...*mention what you will discuss in body 1 and body 2 (your own idea about the caution and the solution).  
  
In introduction, you can paraphrase the question and mention your idea, so it will essay to the writer to read your essay. This is the example by revising your sentences:  
  
Recently, the breakthroughs of the farming increase, however many people over the world are still dying of famine. **The increasing of standard lives and the climate change are the main reason of this phenomenon and the most viable solution to cope it are government should take an action to provide food with reasonable price and the developed nations should be willing to give their hand to help the suffered nation.** I write this sentence from your idea that you write in paragraph 2 and 3.  
  
famine : (a situation in which there is not enough food for a great number of people, causing illness and death, or a particular period when this happens), you can use this vocabulary to paraphrase people go hunger  
  
As a result, if the food ~~does~~ **are** not ~~be~~ provided in ...  
  
Thank you  
Keep writing, fighting
Thi, your essay format is not totally correct. This is a direct response essay. Therefore, the opening paraphrase should offer a proper and complete response to each question being asked in the prompt. The more correct prompt paraphrase is as follows:  
  
*Modernization of farming methods has led to the production of more food. Despite this, hunger is still a global problem. This is a problem that has been caused by the rising cost of food, even as the ease of production was supposed to lower the price of basic commodities. One way of solving this problem is by having the government control the market price of the basic food products. A more detailed explanation of the cause and solution will be presented in the forthcoming paragraphs.*  
  
By the way, you have written too many words for this essay. The word range should only be anywhere from 250-300 words. Please use a timer the next time you write your essay so that you will realize why you cannot write 400 words or more within the given time frame. You must also focus on revising and editing the copy of your essay before submission. The last 2 actions are imperative to helping you get a higher overall score during the actual test.  
  
At this point, I will not focus on your grammar problems and sentence structure weaknesses because this is your first essay, which is commonly problematic for most test takers. Based on the simple advice given above, you should be able to write a better formatted second essay, from which we can work on improving the other problem points of your essay.
Hi, your understanding about the topic is good, however, the way you organize the ideas is your main problem. In your second paragraph, it seems difficult to understand the main point. The ideas are not really connected. I think the mistake lies on the way you write complex sentences. Some sentences are too long and include too many ideas, but there are other sentences which are too short. To write a correct complex sentence, you only need two or three clauses combined. This would make not only avoid grammar mistakes but also promote cohesion in your words.  
  
About the problem of prompt paraphrase, it has already mentioned above so I won't discuss further.
Some people think that newly houses should follow style of the old houses in the local areas, while others think that people should have freedom to build houses of their own styles. Discuss both views and give your opinion.  
  
## the older architecture should be protected

  
  
Constructing a new house following the old style of other houses in the neighborhood would be a good idea, according to some, other people are of the opinion that the style would be a taste of the owner. In my opinion, I agree with the view that new housing may be built regardless of the surroundings; however, in some cases, regulating a traditional architecture should be considered.  
  
On the one hand, it is undeniable that people have a right to design their house. They are likely to build a house which reflects their characteristics or fits their needs. For instance, a large family with minor children would have a colorful design with a range of recreational functions. Otherwise, a technological engineer tends to be interested in a modern approach with glass and concrete rather than wood and stone in terms of ancient dwellings. Furthermore, the cost of modern materials is less expensive than ancient ones.  
  
On the other hand, there are some benefits when new houses should adopt the existing architectural style of a local area. Regarding cultural heritage, Hoi An, an ancient city in central of Vietnam would be a great example in which attracts a number of tourists each year. It not only creates job opportunities but also be the pride and an iconic image of local residents and the nation as a whole. As a result, people respect its value, they maintain and put an effort to keep its image. Besides, the government has also regulated that any new construction ought to follow the old style of the city.  
  
In conclusion, modern housing developments and innovation are inevitable and the authorities should encourage, but in some certain aspects, inhabitants should respect the style of ancient architecture.  
  
[Happy new year! and thank you for your help!]
This essay has some issues as the first paragraph doesn't clear for me as you said after (in my opinion, I agree with the view that new housing may be built regardless of the surroundings;) that (; however, in some cases, regulating a traditional architecture should be considered.). I think you must only one side.  
  
"One on hand" not "on the one hand"  
"In conclusion, modern housing developments and innovation are inevitable and the authorities should encourage"  
there should be a comma after inevitable.
Hi, let's talk about the good things of your essay first. The vocabulary range you used in your essay is excellent and precisely used. Another good point of your essay is that you used a wide range of complex sentences, which will help you to gain score in GRA.  
  
However, talking about the main problem, you did not satisfy the requirement of the topic. This is a discursive essay, therefore, you have to include some phrases like "some people say, it is believed that, it is thought that,..." in your body paragraphs. You have to understand that you are discussing on other's opinions, not your opinion. You does not totally agree with any view of the topic, therefore, it needs a separated paragraph to state. So basically, you need 5 paragraphs for this topic, not 4. Be careful with this mistake because it would make you lose much score in TA.
## How high-income and low-income people spend their money

  
  
The charts illustrate how low and high income groups spend their disposable income (earnings excluding house rent or purchase) on seven items in an undetermined nation in Europe.  
  
Overall, people in low income group spend the most on two main categories, which are food/ drink and fuel bills. However, the largest expenditure in high income group is on miscellaneous, and both groups share the relative same numbers in restaurant and hotel.  
  
Regarding the low income group, the largest amount of money is spent on food and drink, with 29%, compared to just 15% of the high income group. Low income people pay for fuel bills over threefold than high earners for that, at 24% for the former. Meanwhile, the two groups spend on clothes nearly the same.  
  
By contrast, high income group has the most significant outlay for miscellaneous, 23%. This group also show more interest in transport and recreation/culture, which approximately doubled that of low income group, 16% and 21% respectively. While restaurant and hotels group make up 12% of high income group, it just comprises the least number of low income group, only 4%.  
  
I appreciate any help. Thank you in advance!  
  
*   
*Image*
working and studying at home  
  
*More and more people choose to work at home and students study from home. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?*  
  
The rising trend of working and studying at home with the computer technology has become a somewhat controversial issue. There are those who believe that it is a good development, however others think otherwise. I wholeheartedly agree that it is a overwhelmingly positive development.  
  
From an overall perspective, there are two primary reasons why I believe that working from home is beneficial to employees and employers. The sound reason why I am in favour of this idea is that employees and employers can save money. This is because employees do not have to commute. For example, some employees have to pay several hundreds dollar per month, which means a lot for employees wih low salaries. As a result, their saving are probably building up relatively quickly. A further whole point in favour of this notion is that students can nurse someone while studying at home. A good illustration of this is that students who has disabled parents and an 1 year old baby can make and submit homework with the Internet while looking after those people.  
  
Despite these sound arguments, there is also a case fof the idea that working and studying at home with computer advancement lack rigid discipline. This is because it is difficult to supervise either worker or student while being away. As result, some employees will delay their works and some students lose social skills.  
  
In conclusion, working and studying at home are obviously relevant to modern society who can incorporate computer technology. Overall, I would have to say that working or studying at home with computer technology is a postive development because they can save money and nurse someone at home whilst working or studying at the same time despite lack of discipline which can be solve with computer camera and other computer gadgets.
Hello, I went ahead and put in some notes for your paper. #7 counters your argument, but I put a note at the bottom for how you could fix that. Hope this helps!  
  
1. The ~~sound~~  reason why I am ...  
2. .., which ~~means~~  is a lot for employees with low salaries.  
3. As a result, their ~~saving~~ spendings ~~are~~ probably build~~ing~~ up relatively quickly.  
4. A further ~~whole~~  point in favour ...  
5. ... students who ~~has~~  have disabled parents ~~and~~  or an 1 year old ... homework ~~with~~  on the Internet ...  
6. Despite these ~~sound~~  arguments, there is also an argument ~~case~~ ~~fof the idea~~ that working and ... lacks rigid discipline.  
7. ... supervise either ~~worker~~ employeesor students while being away. ... delay their work~~s~~ and some ... (This counters your argument completely)  
8. ... because ~~they~~  people can save money ~~and~~ or nurse someone ... of discipline.  
  
\*\*which can be solve with computer camera and ... (change the wording of this and put it by 7 to help your argument)
Hi. You need to read carefully what the prompt asks ( Do you think it is a positive or negative development?). As you chose this as a positive development, your next two body paragraph has to **SOLELY explain the reason why it is a good development**, but I see your third paragraph has nothing to do with the prompt requirement, plus it is still seemingly incomplete (only two lines). Hence, you will be graded very low in the Task Achievement part.  
  
I highly recommend you search for more information relating to IELTS writing task 2, especially how to better approach kinds of its essay, such as agree or disagree, discuss both views and so on.  
  
Hope it helps.
## IELTS ESSAY: Dangerous sports

  
  
***Some people think that the government should ban dangerous sports, but others think that people should have freedom to do whatever sport activities they choose. Discuss both views and give your opinion.***  
  
Extreme sports are becoming increasingly popular in the modern society. People hold different opinions toward whether governments should set a limitation on them. Although certain sports activities enjoy a dangerous reputation, I would argue that governments should not stop people from taking part into them.  
  
Supporters of strict rules on extreme sports believe that people and audience may get injury during an extreme sport game. Dangerous sports, unlike mild physical exercise, have a higher level of accident rate. For instance, race car drivers might be injured seriously or even lose their lives when they are driving cars at an extreme high speed. The relics of a crashed car might also hurt the audience. Unless such sports are banned, more people might encounter tragedies.  
  
On the other hand, some people argue that extreme sports lovers should be allowed to conduct the authorities that they are really into. They believe that by taking professional training and paying closer attention to safety measures, it can certainly reduce accident rate. Rock climbers, for example, have been well-trained in the indoor gyms before they set up for a wild climbing journey. In addition, ropes and other climbing equipments will further assure a sound and safe climbing experience.  
  
I believe that extreme sports should not be restricted as it is impossible to avoid people from violating the rules. When someone is going to conduct a skydive at a 30000-mile height off ground, it is not possible for policeman to come and stop this activity on time.  
  
In conclusion, although certain types of sports have a high level of injury rate, governments should not and cannot stop people from enjoying themselves, especially when they have enough preparation.  
  
*Looking forward to any advice. Thank you in advance.*
Hi, LizLee. You have put nice arguments in my view. But may I suggest you some more suggestion so that you can make your argument stronger favoring those extreme sports. For example :  
  
*If government bans such sports, it could be viewed as an infringement of the rights. Those who choose to participate in these sports know the consequences. They know very well what is good or bad for them. They argue that if such sports are banned, then all those other things that are harmful for individuals should be banned like smoking, drinking and eating fast foods.  
  
What is more, those sports persons who excel in such dangerous sports bring name and fame to their country. Take an example of Olympic Ski jumping. Practitioner can face instant death even when they practice under strict supervision. But when they break records set by others and when they do so, the name of their country shines in the whole world.*  
  
- Thanks