dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Working efficiency - men vs women

  
  
**Some people believe that men and women are equal and so women should be able to do any job they want. Others feel that men and women are not equal and therefore there are certain jobs which are not suitable for women. What is your opinion.**  
  
The gender related categorization of occupations is becoming a thing of the past. While some believe that gender is absolutely irrelevant regarding occupation, others argue that certain work are not appropriate for women. In my opinion, while men and women can perform evenly in majority of tasks, there are certain job functions where men outperform women, owing to the difference in the genders.  
  
The gender of a person is immaterial for undertaking majority of the occupations, despite the fact that they are not equal. In other words, women can perform on par with men in those circumstances. Occupations such teachers, doctors and engineers, for example, are excelled by both men and women. Even though the mental and physical strengths are not equal, within the scope of these job categories, women are capable of delivering similar capacity to men.  
  
On the other hand, there are occupations, physically demanding ones in particular, can be challenging for women to carry out. This is mainly due to the fact that women are biologically not resilient or can not withstand physically demanding processes as much as men do. Occupations in the construction and mining industries, for example, where people have to work tirelessly throughout the day, are not suitable for women as they are not able to withstand the fatigue. Due to these fundamental differences, international labor laws also do not allow women in certain job categories.  
  
To recapitulate, while some argue that gender is immaterial for an occupation, on the basis that men and women are equal, others believe that certain job functions do not suit women due to inequalities in genders. To my mind, though majority of work can be performed equally by both genders, certain occupations are more suitable for men, owing to the biological differences between genders.
The essay doesn't really develop your reasoning data in a convincing manner. I think this is because you did not really use an effective comparative discussion in each paragraph. The essay feels like the reasoning could have been more convincing. Next time, you may want to try writing in this following format to add clarity to your reasoning presentation:  
  
Sentence 1: Occupation topic (use only 1)  
Sentence 2: Highlight the strength of men in the occupation  
Sentence 3: Highlight the strength of women  
Sentence 4: Compare the 2 strengths  
Sentence 5: Explain why the 2 strengths cannot indicate that women can perform equally to men in the occupation  
  
If you use a comparative discussion to strengthen your opinion, you will be able to better convince the examiner of the strength of your opinion. Using 2 different but relevant discussion topics will help to illustrate how well you understood the discussion instruction and, will also add coherence and cohesiveness to your reasoning presentations.
I'm practicing for both task 1 and task 2 of IELTS writing, please give me some comments that I can improve my skills.  
Thanks a lot.  
  
## Total car sales 2006-2010

  
  
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of the big car-making company's sales in four regions: South America, North America, Asia, and Europe from 2006 to 2010.  
  
Overall, the number of car consumption in Asia and Europe was higher than in other regions. Besides, North America and South America took a small percentage, even had a downtrend.  
  
Firstly, in Europe, the total car sales doubled from a quarter in 2006 to a half in 2010. This made Europe become the biggest car-consuming region at the end of the period. In contrast, the sales in Asia had a slight decline while kept steady at 35 percent in 2006 and 2007 then increased to 38 percent the following year but finally went down significantly to 30 percent.  
  
There was an obvious fluctuation in the proportion in South America at around 11 percent over the period. South America reached the lowest sale with only 5 percent in 2007. In North America, the proportion felt down gradually from less than a third to just 9 percent.  
  
*
Rather than using the word proportion, the more appropriate term to have used would have been percentage. That is because the summary overview feels incomplete. You did not refer to the measurement type in the presentation. Additionally, your single sentence presentation of the information summary is a run-on. Try to use 3 sentences so that you can offer a clearer, easily read, and easier to remember summary. The rest of your presentation is acceptable. However, having a long trending statement as a stand alone statement feels out of place. Mostly because it is only a 2 sentence presentation within a 3 paragraph minimum expectation. The clarity of the summary and trending statement is usually helped by combining the information into a single overview paragraph. It helps you score better in terms of task accuracy as opposed to the 4 paragraph presentation that opens you to an improper sentence presentation when considering the mix of simple and proper sentences.
## benefits and drawbacks OF mobile phones popularity

  
  
In today's world, the popularity of mobile phones is a matter of concern to many people. From my point of view, this phenomenon could be both positive and negative.  
  
On the one hand, the mobile phone is one of the most integral parts of a space-aged environment. One of the most frequently used functions of this device is to announce emergency information, which is essential in infectious disease situations. For example, in the Covid-19 situation, the government of Vietnam now encourages citizens to install NCOVI app on their phone in order to update the news related to the outbreak of Coronavirus. That significantly helps the government to reduce the number of COVID-positive people in Vietnam. Therefore, mobile phones are certainly needed in up-to-date society.  
  
On the other hand, the widespread use of this device could bring many negative aspects, especially in education. To put it in another way, the easy access to the Internet of this technology leads to the fact that students use this device to cheat in their exams. According to the new national survey of 2000 middle and high school students in the US, more than a third of teens with cell phones (35 per cent) say they have used their phones at least once to cheat during a test and half (52 per cent) say they have used the Internet to cheat. As a result, the negative impact of this device should not be overlooked.  
  
Given the aforementioned points, it is obvious that the popularity of mobile phones could bring about both benefits and drawbacks to our life. Hence, I would say that this situation is both a positive and negative development.
If the discussion question asks: "Do you think this is a positive or negative development?" you cannot say that the topic is both a positive and a negative. The instruction, using the word "or" asks you to pick one of the two sides to defend in the essay. Why should this essay be discussed from a singular point of view? The word "or" is what made it a singular discussion. The connecting word "or" has a specific function within the question. The use of the word indicates " otherwise". "Otherwise" refers to "in other or different circumstances". As you can see, the definition of the word "or" creates the opening for a singular opinion discussion. It is not a comparison essay. There cannot be 2 opinions discussed in this essay. All that will tell the reviewer is that there is no set opinion on your end. You did not understand the discussion instructions. It is either you believe it is totally positive or, it is totally negative, there is "equal" discussion instruction. That is not what was indicated in the original prompt. Therefore, your essay will be seen as not having a clear opinion, significant point deductions in the TA section, which can result in a below passing score for your essay.
Correct me if i'm not right  
1- Your introduction part is too short,you should add a sentence more to support your general idea ''In today .....people''.  
- I think you should show the examiner your bias. If you want to discuss both you may say '' i agree with......but''  
2- I think you should try giving a more common and well-known examples : like its conviniences :entertaining, studying,working,communicating,etc... rather than annoucing news.  
  
- It would probably more convincing if you give more than 1 example and also this'll extend your essay ( your work to me is a litle bit short, the roughly limit to get good point should be 300 words).
## *The widespread use of Internet has brought many problems.*

  
**What do you think are the main problems associated with the use of Internet? What solutions can you suggest?**  
  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  
  
You should write at least 250 words.  
Nowadays, almost people have access to connect with all website on the Internet, so it accounts for the non-stop wider development in our social and cultural life. While the problems cause more complex and unpredicted consequences, fundamental solution based on regulating time and forceful contents performed should be adopted to tackle this problem.  
  
It is undoubted that the powerful influence of online background has been coming up to society. As a result, people tend to surf the Internet frequently to research a wide range of information. By that trend, it is also the chance of coming out some fake articles intended by evil has been raising. With a lot of enormous different sources, it possibly lead people confused about where is the accuracy, so they won't correspond any daily stories or people. For example, at that time of April to May in 2020,the time of COVID19 era, it might be seen that US government had conformed so far dwellers to put on a mask when they had to go outside at any time, but they couldn't acheive their goal, because their citizens had been relying on any drawbacks of mask in some website online, which is put forward by amateur journalists with their intuitive inaccuracy senses and no proof. As a result, people in their country had been not only protesting the rule for a long time, but also they made a campaign to give up wearing a mask, just because of a lack of breathing condition. By the trust so much on spurious rumor accessible by computer, it also obstacled the effort of authorities to regulate the extending of COVID19 epidemic  
  
As the impact of negative news, that adds up a new reason why they seems bad behaviours and lost their temper. To improve their state, firstly, the government should impose strict regulations to control legal activities of Internet as well as spending money on upgrading the online security system, that will a good method to constrain all of online articles. Secondly, giving to editors, journalists and reporters, who usually come on any news programme in social media, fix them and give a detail description of all events virtually around the world around the world in order to ensure people can be correspond with anything evidently. And finally, about citizens, last but not least, they should be careful with something we have received before posting on some social media like Facebook... and handling out in a large communication. This will lead to make everybody refuse fictitious writing and do everything right.  
  
In conclusion, the Internet always contains potential negative outcomes, the government and residents will have to make clear rules and measure effects to cope with this problem
You have over discussed this essay. The ideal sentence count per paragraph is 5 sentences. Those 5 sentences will result in 250-290 words overall. You don't need to discuss more than that word count to get the proper essay presentation. It is as simple as properly indicating discussion topics per sentence in the paragraph. In this case, for the reasoning paragraphs, you can use the following outline:  
  
Sentence 1: Problem presentation  
Sentence 2: Reasoning that supports the problem presentation  
Sentence 3: Possible solution  
Sentence 4: Example of the solution in action based on the problem  
Sentence 5: Reiteration of the proposed solution / transition sentence  
  
This should be done twice to indicate 2 discussion problems and solutions as the discussion instruction indicates (within the discussion questions).  
  
The prompt paraphrase should have been better presented. It should have been inclusive of the problems and solutions presentation, without a discussion started yet. Just think of what problems and solutions you can think of and list it. Do not overthink it by outlining the discussion to the point of, you guessed it, over discussing the subject.  
  
Use simpler examples and more concise explanations. You need to keep it simple. You only have 40 minutes to draft, review, correct, and finalize your essay. 449 words is an academic research paper. You are not writing that yet. You are only being asked to present a simple opinion. Don't go overboard. Keep track of the time. Had you bothered to check yourself with this paper you would have seen several spelling, grammar, cohesiveness, and coherence problems that you could have still corrected, if you wrote only within the suggested word count and focused on the quality of your presentation for the remaining time. Always remember, a long essay doesn't mean you will get a better score. It just means you stole time from the editing of the work that could have given you a better score in the end.
IELTS task 2 :  
## In the modern world it is no longer necessary to use animals for food, clothing or medicine.

  
***To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your own experience.***  
  
Animal exploitation to meet humans's needs such as food, clothing and medicine is unnecessary. While I agree that the killing of animals may bring some drawbacks to people,I believe that animals play a vital role in inventing new medicine.  
  
One the one hand, I disagree with the opinion because animals such as white mice and rabbits may serve medical purposes. For example, in Russia, toxicity tests of newly - invented vaccine for the Corona virus was taken on white mice to observe the effects of this drug. As a result, the medical practitioners have managed to make a breakthrough and save nearly 20 million patients who are positive to this deadly disease and are on the verge of death. In this way, both the doctors and the patients may benefit from animals used to do the experiments.  
  
On the other hand, I believe that animal cruelty may bring some consequences to human-beings, hence, I agree with the opinion for two reasons. The first worth-mentioning reason is that some results of animal tests would do more harm than good to the patients. To be more specific, animals' bodies are not similar to those of humans thus some side-effects which can not be found on animals' bodies may impair patients' health. Secondly, a plethora of illnesses such as obesity, cancer and heart diseases often accompany over consumption of meat which is presumably believed to be the only ingredient containing protein. For this reason, the authorities have been calling people for changing their diet and cutting down on meat because there are some substitutes for meat namely tofu and mushrooms which are rich in protein. For all reasons aforementioned, it is not necessary to use animals to produce food, clothing and drugs.  
  
All existing data provides a concrete foundation that even though experiments with animals are beneficial for the doctors and the patients, animal exploitation also results in adverse effect on public health thus I partially agree with the opinion.
This is the perfect example of a non-response essay. As the extent essay is scored on your ability to create a single opinion based on the strength of your supporting opinions, saying that you agree but disagree indicates a lack of clarity when it comes to presenting an opinion. The examiner will see that you are incapable of creating a singular opinion based on a clear line of reasoning and score your essay simply, not having a clear opinion. An extent essay tests how well you know the topic. What strong reasons do you have for supporting a particular point of view? How does that knowledge of personal and public data help you to clearly explain your ideas that support a particular point of view? Comparative essays cannot be used for extent essays. Comparative essays are only presented in comparative + personal essay questions, not in extent essays. Th essay that you wrote suffers from a lack of clear and supportive opinion for a singular point of view. Again, you cannot say you support both sides because that means you are not capable of formulating an opinion that can be clearly supported in your discussion.
## a self-help book

  
  
On my latest birthday, I received a lovely present from my special friend. I was surprised at that time because he was far from me. It's a self-help book, which is one of the most famous books for the young people in Viet Nam. When I first saw it, I was impressed by its cover. It's simple with the blue color and the white title. This book has many stories and life experience of the author, which provides the knowledge, studying and how to interact with peolpe more intelligently. Therefore, it's strongly useful for the young, who has already finished high school education and come to the new steps of the life like me. I read it a lot of times and highly recommend it. I love reading books, so this book is one of my favourite presents I ever received before. Moreover, the friend who gave it to me is special to me. I will read it more and keep it carefully.
When you describe the book, you have to tell the reader the title of the book and who the author of the book is. That is part of the important information about the gift. You should have also, told the reader why you believe your special friend gifted you with that book. Was it a book that you wanted to buy but could not? Perhaps it is a right of passage book that every young man reads and uses as a guide to life in your country. You should have been more descriptive about the book. More information would have helped clarify the relationship of the book to you, your friend, and its importance. Perhaps a simple sentence about why your friend is special would have also helped to explain why he would have thought of giving you this book for your birthday. By the way, don't say "latest birthday". The correct phrase is "last birthday".
## Admiring the foreign famous stars, and neglecting own identity

  
  
TASK : MANY YOUNG PEOPLE TO KNOW ABOUT INTERNATIONAL POP AND MOVIE STARS FAMOUS PEOPLE IN THE HISTORY OF THEIR COUNTRIES. WHAT ARE THE CAUSES? GIVE SOLUTIONS TO INCREASE THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE TO KNOW ABOUT FAMOUS PEOPLE IN HISTORY.  
  
History is one of the most important parts of every country's culture. However, these days, foreign stars in music and movies seem to be better known among teenagers than historical people in their country. There are some reasons for this issue and I would like to suggest some possible ways to make people know more about the countries historically famous people.  
  
To commence with, this issue comes about as a result of the globalization in this day and age. With the advance of the media and technology, people are able to assess to the for encounter especially through music and films. Secondly, that international stars are more famous is because of people's need of relaxation. Teenagers tend to listen to music and watch movies in their free time as leisure activities. As the foreign music may have more catchy lyrics and foreign idols and stars may be good-looking, young people are easily attracted and try to find out more information. One more reason that contributes to this issue is the fact that national history is not attractive enough to get youngers' interest. Historical documents tend to be so lengthy and boring that they can only attract those who are truly and honestly interested in, not most people. That is a sad reality among teenagers these days.  
  
For these reasons that are some possible actions that should be taken to improve the situation. Obviously we cannot forcr anyone to stop listening to their favorite singers' music or stop watching their favorite actors' films. What we should do is to find the ways to attract more people to historical values. There are some comics and cartoons that are created based on historic events. They are so attractive and appealing that they can raise people's interest in history. This is a good and creative method that should be kept going on. Another way is that the authorities can organize an annual competition about the ideas to make historical events more attractive that can be applied in education. By doing this we can keep historical values alive and better known day by day.  
  
To conclude, knowing much about international stars is good in some ways, as their music and films help you to relax and sometimes give you the motivation to live better. However, no one should forget their own origin, their own country's history, and so do the teenagers. Admiring the foreign famous without ignoring our history is something that we should do in order to integrate without being assimilated.
Hi, your essay surprised me. However, I found some confusing errors, be more careful and read again your essay before posting it  
1....assess to the missing word the encounter... You should add an article here.  
2. cannot ~~forcr~~->force anyone..  
3.For these reasons ~~that~~-> there are some possible actions...  
4. 417 words are too long for an IELTS task 2. Try to write fewer words.  
hope my suggestions helpful.
Your first reason in the second paragraph is under-developed. You should remove this, since it has no use but make your essay run-on and contain more errors.  
  
For the second reason, i think you should generally state the cause, then give an example. It allows you to strongly support your statement, and make it clearer.  
  
There is no need to write "That is a sad reality among teenagers these days". The question asks you the causes and solutions, which mean you don't need to include your opinion.  
  
You write a lot of words to present your ideas, but most of them are dispensable. So my tip is to shorten your sentences. Just pick the best ones among those you write.  
  
You don't conclude properly in your conclusion. What you should do is paraphrasing the question in your words, and answer them concisely. Don't waste time on saying anything outside of it.
There is no clear depiction of what the discussion format of your essay will be. This is dictated by the response that you will provide in direct relation to the questions being asked. This is a requirement that will help the examiner determine if you truly understood the discussion instruction and, if your reasons are truly applicable to the given discussion instruction. You have to show evidence of your English comprehension skills and that is primarily highlighted in your ability to properly restate the prompt and the relevance of your response to the questions.  
  
Avoid using word fillers in your discussion paragraphs. You will score better in the Coherence and Cohesiveness section if your discussion begins with a relevant topic that is well discussed and defended within the 2 reasoning paragraphs. Work less on simply providing reasons and more on providing explanations for your reason. That is not to say that the paragraph you wrote is incorrect. It just lacks supporting elements. Mostly because you forgot that you are scored on the clarity of your explanation and not the number of reasons that you provide. You can write less and score higher as opposed to writing more, but not scoring well because you failed to properly explain your reason in the essay. Focus on a single topic discussion rather than multiple reasoning presentations alone.