dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Stephanie, I think you haven't enrolled in an IELTS tutorial class nor read up on the proper format for an IELTS essay have you? That is why the tendency of your essay is to run in a different format. The proper format is simple to follow. It's 3-5 sentences in 5 paragraphs. The coverage per paragraph is specific though. You have to do it this way:  
  
Par. 1: Prompt restatement in your own words with the thesis statement presented at the end.  
Par. 2-4 : Body of paragraphs depicting the discussion instructions. This normally happens in one of 2 ways: (1) A direct opinion discussion over 3 paragraphs or (2) comparison discussion with your personal opinion stated as the 3rd paragraph.  
  
Par. 5: Concluding summary that restates the prompt, summarizes the discussion and then indicates your opinion as the closing sentence.  
  
Try to write no more than 250 words in the essay so that you can have time to review, revise, and edit the content of your essay before you submit it for scoring. Remember, each paragraph should contain only one topic for discussion so that you completely develop your presentation and explanation without confusing the reader.  
  
Since this is your first essay, it will definitely be riddled with mistakes. So I will not review nor score this essay. I always wait till the second essay for actual comments for improvement when I see that the first post indicates a lack of proper formatting and knowledge of how to write the essay properly. You can also take the time to read the other samples here that have already been corrected and advised upon to get you started on the proper discussion presentation for your upcoming essays.
## importance of Humanitarian subjects

  
  
It is true that the significance of humanitarian subjects has always been a controversial topic. While some may argue that learning humane subjects merely produces meager effects on their future career, I am convinced that these knowledge would be beneficial to the whole public.  
  
Initially, humanitarian subjects provide learners with basic knowledge such as ethic, culture, which plays an integral role in shaping their personalities. For example, lessons about disadvantaged people's lives which are featured in literature help students appreciate the priviledges they are given instead of taking them for granted. Apparently, humane subjects act as a precursor to educating youngsters to be proactive citizens.  
  
Moreover, humanitarian education is of paramount importance in people's future career especially for those pursuing professions related to human beings. Cultural knowledge from history would provide youngsters with springboard for their later jobs as the profileration of globalisation become dominant. More importantly. For students majoring in sociology, humanitarian subjects are their indispensable requirements for their jobs.  
  
However, it is understandable why some people advocate the idea that subjects related to humans is futile for students' career. The key rationale is that the way these subjects are taught at school seems to be tedious, which discourages students from actively acquiring these knowledge. Furthermore, it would be fair to say that humanitarian subjects are rather theoretical and abstract ans thus students tend to disregard for them.  
  
In conclusion, despite the aforementioned obstacles, students should place a dramatic emphasis on humanitarian subjects because of their tremendous benefits to students' career.
Hoang, you need to familiarize yourself with English vocabulary. There is a difference between "humanitarian" and humane. Humanitarian is defined as any one of the following:  
  
1. having concern for or helping to improve the welfare and happiness of people.  
2. of or relating to ethical or theological humanitarianism.  
3. pertaining to the saving of human lives or to the alleviation of suffering:  
  
While humane is defined as: characterized by tenderness, compassion, and sympathy for people and animals, especially for the suffering or distressed; acting in a manner that causes the least harm to people or animals:  
  
Do you see the difference in the meaning of the two words? It is important that you do not make a mistake in using the English words for your discussion because these mistakes in meaning will reduce your Lexical Resource score. This is an important consideration because a clear lack of English vocabulary knowledge means you cannot properly develop your thoughts and present accurate sentence explanations. This sort of mistake creates score deductions in the LR, C&C, and GRA scoring rubic. If you make enough vocabulary mistakes, you could actually fail the test based on those errors alone.  
  
Try to avoid creating run on sentences for your concluding statement. You should stick to the minimum 3 sentence presentation in order to increase your scoring potential in the C&C consideration.  
  
While your discussion would have been strong and informative, it was weakened by your vocabulary problem. That is why I need you to focus on reading more English materials and also, making an extra effort to use the dictionary in order to truly understand the meaning of the word and how it is used in sentences so that you can avoid these serious vocabulary errors in your succeeding practice essays.
Bradley, this is a highly informative essay for someone who is not very familiar with the UK form of government to read. As far as I can tell, you covered all of the bases and explained your research thoroughly. Your thesis statement is not very clear though, I thought your title was related to how government is constrained by parliament? I was expecting a stronger and longer presentation of this topic in the thesis statement at the end of the opening paragraph.  
  
You need to double check the essay for redundancies as your opening statement was quite informative as it is. I guess you were not conscious of the fact that in the second paragraph, you were repeating information already indicated in the opening statement. It is always best to avoid repeating information so close to the previous presentation because it causes reader fatigue and makes it seem like your paper is not as strong on information presentation as it should be. Aside from those instances of redundancies, that you should be able to easily spot, the essay is pretty solid and should be capable of getting an impressive grade based on your research.
**Topic**: Some people believe that the Earth is being harmed (damaged) by human activity. Others feel that human activity makes the Earth a better place to live. What is your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.  
  
## human play god changing the nature

  
  
Humans are the most beautiful creation of God with this we have a most advanced mind. As I read in the book of Richard Dawkins," We all have the selfish gene, but it's up to us how to convert it into autism." So, with this point, everyone is born with selfishness, the act we do is beneficial to us. Saving the Earth is as important as own. The reason is that if the Earth has had to suffer, we will not have saved ours. The Earth is healthier when its all living organism has the equilibrium with nature. Somewhere, we, humans help to save to our Earth but on the other hand, we destroy. The better understanding we will not save the Earth, we have been trying to surmount our mistakes but doing different technological modifications.  
  
First, even though the technology is helpful to save different species which are near to extinction, but the reason for this extinction is merely one- random changes in the climates. The reason for this intensive change is none another but the humans' activity. We, humans, do only the thing which is beneficial for our species. When we try to save a species, is not because we have some care but we know the equilibrium of the life will be hindered by its extinction. For example, I am an Indian, here, the black deer is found, which is a most beautiful species but the hunting of black deer take it to the danger zone, due to lack of it the food chain is affected due to which the life of Bengal tiger also becomes a danger. As we know Bengal tiger is national animal of India. So protection of it, not only save our national animal but also they maintain the balance in the food chain. Other than this the kite, which we call natural sweeper is also in danger zone due to increased use of mobiles.  
  
Furthermore, the human activity not only responsible for the animal life, but it is also highly dangerous for humans. Humans activity increases the pollution such as; air pollution, water pollution, noise pollution and so on, are responsible for global warming and the waxing of black hole due to which climate is rapidly changing which is the reason of lots of new disease and natural disasters. In near to my home, a factory of paint is present, they direct dumb all the debris of the factory in the river which contains lots of harmful chemicals. These chemicals are not only harmful to the life of water animal but also the society which lives near to the river. I regularly found in the newspaper that due to poisonous water drinking lots of people are dying.  
  
God made humans the smartest one, but humans use their smartness to harm the other creation of God. When we play with nature or the place where we live, it is impossible that we would not affect the results.
Mohil, the first rule of TOEFL essay writing is, remember to time yourself. You only have 20 minutes to read, outline, draft, review, revise, then finalize the content of your essay. Since you wrote 494 words, one thing is sure, you did not time yourself when you wrote this essay. The most words that you can write within the allotted time is 300 words at the most. That is because you only have 30 minutes to completely develop your essay presentation. It is always best to keep your essay short but informative because of the time constraint. The manner that you presented the essay shows me that an intricate amount of time researching the topic was needed so that you were even able to quote a book reference in it. By the way, don't try to use quotes in the essay, use only your words and opinions because that is all that matters to the examiner. It is all about how well you express yourself in English instead of how much you know about the topic, which, from the looks of this essay, isn't very much since it is very heavy on research based information. This would have been the perfect academic essay for a class, not or an English language test.  
  
The next time you write a practice test, time yourself, keep track of your word count, and make sure to allot at least 5 minutes at the end of your writing in order to double check your response. If you don't have at least that minimum amount of time to check yourself, you are writing too much and not paying attention to the quality of your work. Remember, no outside research, no sources either. You won't have internet access at the testing center.
*Immigration has a major impact on the society. What are the main reasons of immigration? To what consequences can it lead?  
(250 words)*  
  
## Pros and Cons of Immigration

  
  
Nowadays, immigration has a magnificent role in some countries and affects the society. The advantages of the immigration are that they have been influent economy development as well as have increased the country's population. In contrast, that has brought some consequences such as discrimination, social maladies, and culture-crossing problem.  
  
The enormous benefits of immigrant are to obtain the high-quality skilled workers, which stimulates the economy. Immigration labor is essential to those whose majority population is the old and retired people. In addition, in some country such as Singapore, where there are no natural resources, immigrants are the main sources of their development. It is believed that immigration could be one of the factors to balance the population of the country such as Canada or Japan due to either of the high percentage of retirement or the inclement weather.  
  
Apart from those advantages, there are some instant obstacles regardless of immigration. Discrimination is supposed to appear between local residences and the immigrants no matter how well is the manipulation of the government. It might cause violation and crime. Besides that, social maladies have apparently increased rapidly because of the cross-culture and religions. Those reasons could lead to terrorism, which is the main concern of some developed countries. Culture diversity would also become a restraint in controlling the society.  
  
In general, in a comparison to the consequences of immigration, its benefit is much higher. That is one of the quickest and most efficient to maintain the population as well as trigger the economy.
Hi Han, seeing from the prompt that you provided, I believe it is a cause and effect essay rather than advantages vs disadvantages. Misunderstanding the prompt would render you to suffer points loss heavily. In the second paragraph, you are referring Singapore so you should continue with it. If, however, you insist to add other countries for its reference, you can add Canada and Japan next to Singapore so the reader does not need to keep switching places.  
  
Besides that, when you are stating one example, you should always stick with that throughout the entire paragraph.  
  
Hope that helps.
Han, it appears to me that you are using English words that just sound nice to you but you do not really understand the meaning of. In the opening statement, you use the term "magnificent" to describe the role of immigration. Magnificent means " something exceptional", which does not apply to immigration because there is nothing exceptional about it. Here lies the problem with the IELTS test. Since it scores you specifically on your vocabulary use in the Lexical Resource section, every time you use a word in the wrong context, you will lose points for the use of the wrong word. Don't just use the English words haphazardly. Make sure you use only words that you know the meaning of to explain yourself. Use simple English words. Don't try to gain scoring potential by simply using "big" sounding words that do not apply to your sentence meaning because you could fail the test because of it. Confusing sentences such as " The advantages of the immigration are that they have been influent economy development as well as have increased the country's population." will also lower your coherence and cohesiveness score in a manner that will further assure you of a failing score.  
  
Since this is a single opinion essay based on the negative / consequences of immigration, you have deviated from the discussion and shown that you did not understand the discussion instructions because you chose to write an essay about the benefits and drawbacks of immigration. Again, this will be a Task Accuracy deviation and guess what? Yep, another score deduction. You are not leaving anything in this essay to get you a passing score at this point. Your every approach has been wrong from the very start of the essay.  
  
Consider reading the sample essays in the Similar Discussion link of this topic so that you can get a better idea as to how to discuss this essay. Learn from your mistakes and the mistakes of others so that you can improve in your writing. I hope that you can show some progress with your next attempt.
Hi everyone, please help comment on my writings. Thank you very much!!  
**Requirement: The line graph compares birth rates in China and the US and how these rates changed from 1920 to 2000.**  
  
## the birth rate of America and China - the graph

  
  
**My writing**: "The figure given illustrates the fluctuation in Chinese and American birth rates during the period of 80 years.  
  
Overall, both countries saw a similar trend of reduction in their fertility from 1920 to 2000. Nevertheless, the birth rate of China was lower than that of the USA for most of the time.  
  
In the 1920 to 1935 period, the birth rate of America varied constantly at around 12 percent before dropping sharply to just under 5 percent in 1945. However, this low rate did not remain for long, as the USA saw a considerable rise in their birth rate to a peak of 15 percent in 1950. Throughout the remaining period, this rate fell steadily to about 7 percent in 2000.  
  
Over the first 10 years, Chinese birth rate fluctuated but was slightly lower than the American rate before overtaking the latter in 1935, after which there was a slump by 10 percent in 1940. The next 5 years saw no changes in Chinese birth rate; nevertheless, from 1945 to 1950, the rate climbed to its highest point of the 80-year period to exactly 20 percent. By contrast, 50 years later, the birth rate of China went down rapidly to only 2 percent by 2000."  
  
*
Hello nobeday,  
According to the requirement, I think it is better to make some comparison between China and Us in a specific period so that you can indicate clearly the change among these two countries. Here are some opinions:  
  
+ From 1920 - 1930: the rates is almost the same between two countries.  
+ From 1930 - 1955: How is the fluctuation of the rates and compares the highest, the lowest, what is the biggest change  
+ From 1955 - 2000: the deduction is almost the same.  
I think when writing a comparison between two or more objects, we should use the time points and period instead of analyzing each country itself.
Kos, your summary overview is not complete as it does not indicate the following information:  
  
1. Discussion topic  
2. Measurement indicator  
3. Discussion instructions  
4. Trending statement  
  
I know that most tutors ask you to separate all of these information into stand alone sentences. That is not the correct approach as the C&C considerations require every paragraph to be 3-5 sentences long and fully developed in its presentation. That is why the summary overview is very important. You have to remember that the assumption of the Task 1 essay is that you will be able to accurately report on a research paper that has been presented to you for analysis. Assume that the reader will not have access to the illustration you were provided. Therefore, your explanation must be accurate, to the letter, and highly informative.  
  
While there is no right or wrong method of presenting the information, you do need to make sure that you consider the finer details of the presentation that may impress the examiner. For example, in the graph, China had a flat growth rate from 1940 - 1945. That is information that should have been presented in the report but you overlooked in your presentation. Neither did you consider the growth points that overlapped for the two countries in your presentation.  
  
When the instruction asks you to report on main features and make comparisons where relevant, you have to make sure that you do not just look at the obvious information. Look for the uncommon comparison points as well. These are normally the overlapping points, flat indicators, and other smaller details that will not be seen unless an analysis of the graph is actually done. Try to leave yourself with at least 5 minutes to review the elements you are presenting. That way you can include more information in your presentation. After all, you can present up to 5 sentences per paragraph and you are only presenting 3 sentences per paragraph at the moment. There is room for a more accurate representation of the analytical information.
**Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives.Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.**  
  
## a decision regarding the future for youngsters

  
  
Some people consider that modern young people are more able to choose their own lives, but others reckon that the young do not have the chance to make their own decision. In point of view, I disagree with the statement that today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives. I will offer several reasons to support my aspect.  
  
To begin with, those parents from the past who depend on their parents' suggestion achieve the success nowadays, so they convince that their children must follow their ideas. Take me for example, my parents listen to my grandparents, so their careers are successful and earned lots of money, so they always want me to follow their rules. When I chose History for my major, my parents argued drastically, because they considered that those who study history cannot survive themselves. I was tired of quarrel, so I changed my history major to statistics major. Hence, I cannot believe that modern people are better to make their decision.  
  
Moreover, parents are afraid of their children that will lose their life, so they will make the decision that they consider is helpful. For instance, when I changed history major to statistics major, I asked them why they insisted me to change my major. They replied that the major that was more scientific can find the job easily. They said it was harder to find a suitable job nowadays, since lots of people graduated from colleges, so it was better to study a major that could help me in the future. Hence, the young do not have more chance to determine their own lives.  
  
Finally, most young people do not know what to in the future, so it is an appropriate way to listen to parents' arrangements. For example, my brother did not know what to do in the future and he did not have any interest in any major, so he listened to my parents and studied in finance, and then worked in the bank. Consequently, one of the reasons that the young nowadays are not able to make their own decisions for their future is they do not know what can motivate them.  
  
In conclusion, I refute the statement that the young people are better to determine their future since parents want children to follow their rules and they do not their children lose in the future. Additionally, young people are not sure what they want in the future, so it is necessary to find the life goal.