dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
I believe that you can score between a 7 and a 7.5 with this essay depending upon the other considerations that the examiner will base the final scoring considerations upon. You are inching your way closer to the 8 band score with every essay that you write. The way that you learned to effectively use transition sentences between paragraphs shows a writing advancement that will definitely increase your GRA score. Between an accurate paraphrasing, which gets you a high TA score, and the improvement in your writing (the addition of the transition sentences) you will definitely be getting an 8 soon enough. I would however, like to point out that the bread story is one that could be considered plagiarism because that is the most commonly used example in this essay prompt. In every instance when you need to provide an example to support a claim, use a modern or newer example that people can better identify with. Nobody steals bread anymore these days. That will be impossible to do with today's security measures. A more appropriate example would have been skimming a credit card as opposed to actually stealing the card and then using it. Another advice I would like to give you is to use the same transition keyword at the start of the new paragraph. When you say "concerns", that is different from "object". If people are concerned, they do not necessarily object. So either use the word "object" twice or use "concerns" twice. For example, you could have said;  
  
*Other people are concerned that suspects...*  
  
Do you see how the flow of logic and emotion smoothly opens up the new paragraph when you compare it with your use of the word "object"? That is how you score even better in the GRA. This sort of transition and opening signifies a higher degree of control in terms of paragraph development and sentence structure / development.  
  
I admire the conclusion that you created. Most of the work that you did in this essay shows a marked improvement over the previous problematic presentations. You have redeemed yourself ten times over with this essay. Good job! Keep writing. I believe in you and your capacity to perhaps gain a perfect score by the time you finally decide to take the test.
SOME EXPERTS BELIEVE THAT IT IS BETTER FOR CHILDREN TO BEGIN LEARNING A FOREIGN LANGUAGE AT PRIMARY SCHOOL RATHER THAN SECONDARY SCHOOL. DO THE ADVANTAGES OF THIS OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES?  
  
**Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?**  
  
## young student have more readiness for learning

  
  
Teaching foreign languages would be better for primary student than high school student. Although, this issue is controversial, a number of educationalists support considering its advantages. Here in this essay negative and positive effect of the both sides will be discussed.  
  
Students naturally are more receptive at primary grades. Even they need less time in learning any foreign language than high school students, because they learn with no shy and talk freely without any fear of making mistakes. Moreover, they could pick up the pronunciation more easily as they learn it sub-consciously. For those reason, it is commonly believed that new language should be taught at much young age.  
  
However, high school students mainly get opportunity to learn another language, and met expert's trainers at this level. Such type of trainers is mostly unavailable in primary educational institution, so it is not possible to be taught second languages in right way. If primary students are learnt with general teacher, the learning may not match the standard of the language, and not be used for study or career in later life. As a result, younger may be trained poorly because of the lack of expert teacher in primary school that is the main pitfall regarding this issue.  
  
To be conclude, young student have more readiness for learning languages than older. If it is possible to manage special trainer for them, they then will bring maximum efficiency in such skill. Therefore, the result overcomes the all disadvantages in regarding issue.
Fiza, the score for this essay will automatically be a 1 because you are not discussing the correct prompt requirement. The essay is asking for comparison of the advantages and disadvantages of the issue. You are discussing the positive and negative effect. This is a clear mistake in your prompt understanding and as such, resulted in the wrong facts of the topic being discussed. I might have been persuaded to score you at least a 2 in this presentation if your actual body of paragraphs showed that you just made a mistake in the prompt paraphrasing and you were still on track with the advantage and disadvantage discussion. Unfortunately, that is not what happened so the score of 1 stands. The correct format for this discussion in the body paragraphs would have been:  
  
Body 1: Disadvantage presentation  
Body 2: Advantage 1 presentation  
Body 3: Additional supporting evidence (optional)  
  
There are instances when a 4 paragraph presentation is acceptable for the essay. This is one of those instances because a personal opinion was not required. As such, the 4 paragraph presentation covering the paraphrase, bodies of paragraph and conclusion will be the most acceptable format for this type of discussion.  
  
I have one concern regarding the original prompt. I cannot help but think that you did not offer the complete original prompt for our consideration because in this portion:  
  
*DO THE ADVANTAGES OF THIS OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES?*  
  
My question is "The advantages of what?" There are two opinions presented in the prompt, but the portion that addresses the advantage part is missing. There is no subject in that sentence so there is a lack of clarity in the discussion topic in relation to the instruction.
Can everyone help me? My writing skill is not good.  
  
## school take time from children

  
  
In many countries, children are spending several hours each evening doing homework.  
Should children be given homework?  
  
Educational students are really important for their entire life so the ways to teach are also extremely important.In many nations, young people are spending a lot of ò hours every night studying at home.This method has many dí advantages and some advantages.  
  
First of all, Doing homework in several hours each evening í wasting time and harming brain by many reasons.First, Relaxing state, which is the best state to study and easy to get the highest productivity,cannot receive by studying a long time without relaxing.Next, emotions are the core to keep living will be lost by trying to study during days.Task Satisfaction, which keeps people feel happy during holde life os very hard to figure due to spending a lot of time for homework, which doesn't mean everything with young people's future.Childhood is the beautiful time in the life so if students use it just for studying it is going to be the worst rue when they grow up.  
  
Second of all, Homeworks are important as many causes. Firstly,Theories, which students learn from schools, need to practice to be achieved. self-study, which is really important for life, can be built by doing homework. Stability, which is important characteristics, is prating while doing homework during hours.  
  
To sum up, Doing homework is important, however, we should spend enough not too much time for it to get all benefits and avoid failures.  
  
Thanks
@happyfunny Since this is your first attempt at writing this essay, it is alright if I tell you that your attempt garnered a score of 1. The score is the result of your discussion which did not appropriately respond to the given task. Along with that, your presentation does not follow the format requirements for a Task 2 essay. Let's break down these problem points in order to help you better understand what you did wrong.  
  
First of all, your opening paragraph does not make any sense as a representation of the original prompt. The opening paragraph should present your English comprehension skills to the reviewer by presenting the following:  
  
1. An explanation of the topic for discussion in your own words.  
2. Reasons why this topic is important.  
3. Discussion instructions representative of the thesis statement in the original prompt.  
  
Your opening statement offers sentences that are too close to the original. You must distance from the original presentation as much as possible the major similarities in the presentation constitute plagiarism and will lower your TA score. So your presentation should have been:  
  
*Across the globe, students are finding themselves spending more than a few hours doing their school assignments every night. This has led to the question as to whether students need to be given school related work to do at home. In this essay, I will discuss my opinion of this statement and offer explanations as to why that is so.*  
  
You need to learn how to focus on explaining only one reason per paragraph. That makes a total of no more than 3 reasons that present the following per paragraph:  
  
1. Topic sentence at the start of the paragraph.  
2. Supporting evidence  
3. Detailed explanation or personal opinion / experience  
  
The concluding statement that you wrote is also faulty as it doesn't properly paraphrase the preceding discussion in the correct manner:  
1. Restate the discussion topic  
2. Summarize the facts  
3. Close the discussion  
  
If you follow these outlines for your next essay, there should be an immediate improvement in your work and final score.
**Issue Topic and Question**  
  
## how to pass knowledge

  
  
***The best way to teach is to praise positive actions and ignore negative ones.***  
  
*Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.*  
  
**Essay**  
  
With the fast growing information in digital world, human need to be able to learn quickly. Despite a lot of methodology of teaching and learning, there is a method that state it best to praise positive actions and ignore negative ones in order for someone to truly learn. However this methodology should be reconsidered since its lack of consideration.  
  
As a data scientist build a statistical model based on data that is labeled with variables so that the model could learn, so does how our brain works. Human need to be able to identify which one is working and which aren't. When we leave no mark on the negative ones it would confuse our brain and lead to misleading action afterwards.  
  
The second thing we should consider is that by ignoring negative ones will have negative impact on the character building. It can be considered bad since the learners will only adapted to one's praise and not critics or another negative response. Learners will be troubled and have less fervor when facing a condition in which is having lots of negative feedback.  
  
While it is bad to ignore the negative actions, praising positive action couldn't considered as bad move. Praising could boost learners confidence level and raise their happiness that both could lead to better productivity. However this method would work better if praising balanced with constructive criticism so that learners gain both of advantages of the learning process.  
  
As a human we should never stop learning to increase our capacity. While every individuals is unique and have different working learning methodology to learn. It is fundamentally right to have a distinct response for positive and negative actions.
Malik, this essay is not well developed. It has logic and reasoning presentation problems, grammar structure issues, and coherence and cohesiveness shortcomings. This is not a professional level essay at this point. It is only at the level of a college application essay or an IELTS / TOEFL exam. This is not a high intellect level discussion as expected from a GRE exam candidate. You need to develop more analytical skills on a masters degree level of writing. Your presentations are not really connected and oftentimes, end up being confusing for the reader.  
  
In order to overcome this problem, you need to learn how to develop a proper outline for your essay. that way you can more easily address the task on hand. Analyze the requirements of the essay and deliver on them. For example, an outline that would work for this essay is:  
  
Thesis: The best way to teach is to praise positive actions and ignore negative ones.  
  
Introduction of the topic: Give an overview of the topic plus the two points of view end with a thesis statement.  
  
Paragraph one: Why ignoring the negative results of teaching is a bad thing.  
  
Paragraph 2: What is positive reinforcement?  
  
Paragraph 3: How does one apply positive reinforcement?  
  
Paragraph 4: Why does positive enforcement work as a teaching method?  
  
Paragraph 5: Conclusion  
  
If you do not have a proper outline for your discussion, you end up with a scatter brained and little explained essay presentation such as the one you have now. At this point, you are far from a passing level exam taker. You are stuck at square one, learning to outline your discussion. You are not ready for step 2 yet which is drafting your essay.
Gang, there is a possibility that you could get a score of 6 with this essay. That score is based upon some confusing sentence development presentations on your part in specific paragraphs. In your second paragraph, you discussed 2 topics instead of 1. This created a less than memorable discussion for this particular point of view because you were not able to pinpoint the actual opinion for this particular stance. The one topic per paragraph approach is always best in this instance. This is the same response that I am giving you for your first question. If you try to discuss too many examples in the body of paragraphs, your essay will suffer the same fate in relation to the clarity of the discussion.  
  
For the second question, your concluding paragraph is a bit confusing. I know that is stayed on point with the original prompt but you seem to have struggled to create the discussion paragraph. I am wondering if this is because you are trying to use more advanced English words and sentence presentations while you are still nervous and unsure about how to do it. If you are not confident in a particular presentation format because of the words that you use, nothing is stopping you from using simple sentence formats if you wish to. That will allow you to get a higher score as well.  
  
As for your last question, the more words that you write, the better. Just make sure that you avoid run - on sentences and confusing presentations as that is the normal tendency for exam takers during the review process. Doing so will lower the GRA and C&C scores. Be very careful in that respect. There is only a word minimum in the IELTS test. There is no maximum so you need to check yourself before you submit the essay test.
@Holt  
Thank you for your explanation that clears my doubts. I've long been bewildered by the model essays that use a series of examples to deal with general topics like "economy". Now I know the proper way to write.  
  
As to conclusion, my problem is how to summarize the reasons I provide in my body paragraphs. I didn't figure it out this time, so my conclusion slipped into discussion. I will keep practicing with your advice to improve my writing.
## ways to achieve world peace

  
  
International sports events bring crowds of people together to a common venue where an atmosphere of compassion and harmony can be observed, however, to achieve world peace, I believe that efforts at a much larger scale must be made and they should not be confined to any particular, short-term sports event.  
  
To start with, events such as Football World Cup, on one hand have the capability of contributing to world peace achievement. They let people get together and share their views on various conflicts among nations. It can help changing the minds of spectators, however these interventions soon dissolve into insignificance as soon as the event finishes. Moreover, people tend to focus on entertainment more as they cheer for their respective nation and players while there are also chances of riots and violence when they do not control their emotions. Such incidents can escalate tensions among nations. Thus, the impact is limited and brief in achieving world peace.  
  
On the contrary, much larger efforts need to be made to obtain harmony throughout the world. Firstly, greater equality is to be established in terms of growth and progress which can come from activities other than sports events. For example, countries that have abundant resources must understand the needs of the third world where peace can come from raising the standard of individual lives. Threats that are most disturbing peace in the world, such as nuclear war, famine, poverty and environmental dangers, should be tackled by united approach by all nations.  
  
In conclusion, it is imperative that we concentrate on programs and agendas that work on fulfilling the core requirements to achieve world peace, other than spending too much on international sports events.
Hardeep, your opening paragraph is a run-on sentence that does not display a correct interpretation of the original prompt. You are giving a personal opinion with information being discussed instead of responding to the prompt with a proper thesis statement at the end of the first paragraph. Here is an example of a proper paraphrase for this topic:  
  
*Sporting events have long been considered to be a good way of promoting world peace. Events like the Football World Cup have long been promoted as a unifying force in the world. I disagree with this belief for a number of reasons.  
  
To begin with...*  
  
Notice how you did not respond to the question posed by the prompt requirement in the version that you wrote? While this is an opinion paper, it must present a response to the discussion instruction before any actual discussion of the facts can take place in the second paragraph. The discussion for this essay must be in the single opinion format as you are not being asked to discuss both points of view in this essay. You need to take ownership of the opinions being presented by indicating a personal belief through the use of first person pronouns.  
  
Additionally, the best representation of your opinion in this essay would have been better represented if you had indicated the personal opinion that you presented at the end of the opening statement. I refer to the sentence that indicates:  
  
*I believe that efforts at a much larger scale must be made and they should not be confined to any particular, short-term sports event.*  
  
That could have been better developed as the sole reason for your disagreement within 3 body paragraphs. I believe the essay would have been stronger and better focused in terms of discussion if you concentrated on presenting supporting facts for the aforementioned line of reasoning instead.  
  
You concluding paragraph is faulty. It does not represent an accurate summary of the discussion within 3 sentences. This is another run-on sentence and therefore, does not suit the C&C requirements in terms of paragraph presentation.
I am trying to develop my writing skills by working on each part individually. What do you think about these Introduction paragraphs?  
  
**Do you agree or disagree with the following statements?  
  
## "A university education is necessary for success in today's world."

  
Use reasons and specific examples to support your opinion.**  
  
Education is a necessity for a person to learn how to participate in society. It can be carried out in a form apprenticeship, which most often was the case in older times, or in a more modern educational system, that is going through stages in schools and getting more specialized in university. While a high school education is obligatory and a basis that everybody needs, attending college might not always be considered as a must. However, with the high rate of advances in the technology and science, the structure of the society and requirements for surviving and flourishing in it are changing as well. Adaptation to this high rate of change requires a higher and more advanced form of education, which make me believe that attending college satisfies this requirement to a great extent based on the following reasons.  
  
**## Compare the advantages of marrying at a young age to marrying at an older age.

  
State and support your preference.**  
  
Marriage is one of the most important decisions of one's life, which can change the person either for the better or worse. The age of the couple can be highly influential on the outcome of the it. Whether getting married at a young age or at an older age both have some advantages that might vary for each individual. Although many might argue that getting married at a young age would have negative outcomes, I believe the advantages of getting married at a young age outweighs its disadvantages.
Neither introduction paragraphs are correct because you did not properly paraphrase the original prompt requirements. You deviated so much from the original discussions that you somehow managed to create your own discussion instruction for the prompts that were provided. You were not focusing on properly representing the original prompt. You just wanted to keep writing in a manner that you felt comfortable in so you did not even bother to double check the accuracy of your prompt paraphrasing.  
  
In the first essay, your prompt presentation is way off base from the original. In the second essay, you are discussing the wrong requirement. You should only talk about the advantages of marrying at a young age. That is, unless you provided the wrong original prompts in both instances.  
  
By the way, I need to warn you about the way you are preparing for your test. This is a complete waste of time. You cannot prepare for the test by practicing in sections. You won't be writing in sections at the exam center. Instead, you should always practice the full essays in a timed format similar to the set up at the exam center. If you don't do that during your practice, you are going to fumble and fail on the actual exam day because you won't be allowed to write only a section of the essay at a time. Always write a full essay so that you can develop all of your writing points in relation to the scoring requirements. This has to be done collectively at all times otherwise, you will never know if you are actually improving your skills or not.
@Holt  
Thank you for the input. I am trying to learn how to write introduction paragraph properly. Then, I will work on the whole essay.  
Anyways, I rewrote the paragraphs.  
  
first one:  
To be successful is most people's goal. achieving that goal takes hard work and sometimes education or training. However, a university education is really not necessary for success in many cases. the answer to the question of what success is depends on what one's goals are and the kind of aspirations a person has.  
  
Second one:  
Marriage is an important step in a person's life. It is a legal bond between two people and has important social and legal implications. To enter into this bond, a person should have some maturity. To consider the best age to enter a marriage, the advantages of marrying at different ages need to be compared.  
  
Thanks in advance
## The role of eco-tourism in society

  
  
The role of eco-tourism in society is educating for both traveller and local communities and protects our ecosystem. The role of eco-tourism in society is educated for both traveller and local communities. SP1: Educating through legal regulation SD1: To provide the legal basis for supervising environment related activities The role of eco-tourism in society is protecting our ecosystem. SP1: Create a system of protected area. SD1: Special use of forest that can be classified into national parks, nature reserves, forests of social culture and environmental sites.