dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
"My target is band 6.5 for IELTS writing. The picture below is the subject. Please check up my essay! Which band I will have from there? Thanks for your reply.  
  
## Fast foods popularity in the usa

  
  
The given chart compares the difference in American's custom of having fast food from 2003 to 2013.  
  
Overall, in three main stages, the figures for people having processed food once per week accounted for overwhelming percentage. However, these data substantially declined in others groups.  
  
Over the period shown, the number of American daily eating fast food reached the lowest rates. While the most people in both 2003 and 2006 having these dishes once a week, this number peaked at 32 percent in 2013 in group once or twice a month. The percentage of people having fast food once per week in 2006 reached at the same highest point with those eating once or twice per month in 2013.  
  
Having high-fat food a few time per year had no change in rates, at 15 percent, from 2006 to 2013. This trend happend in the same period with people both daily and never eating fast food.  
  
*
@Bao Ngoc  
The~~given~~ chart compares ... *(Personally, I think that this introduction is not really good. You should not use "the given chart", instead you can use "the bar chart" as an alternative. If I were you, this would be my introduction " The bar chart compares the frequency of eating at fast food restaurant of people in the USA over the period of 10 years." It is just my personal introductionm you can use it to make some reference)*  
  
... accounted for an overwhelming percentage. *(You have seen the trend of the chart but I think you need to work on your wordings so that the overal statement could be clearer.)*  
  
Over the shown period ~~shown~~, the number of ... While ~~the~~  most people ...  
... 2006 reached ~~at~~  the same highest ...  
  
Here are some comments of mine:  
- This task 1 essay is too short, you should consider extending it to 170-200 words so that your essay would be more detailed.  
- The division in this essay somehow it is quite confusing, you should consider choosing another way to compare the figures.  
- Wording is what you need to improve so that the essay can be well-explained.
While the task 1 essay is too short at the moment, I can understand that this is your first time writing the essay. Therefore, you do not feel confident in writing more than the prescribed number of words yet. I do however, feel that you should slowly increase the word count in your essay over a period of time. That is because without increasing your word count, the essay will fail to increase your scoring possibilities. It is always better to write more, but not too many words in the essay. Try to explain yourself better. In this presentation, you are limiting your presentation to only what is direct. You need to look at the other aspects of your writing skills as well and try to increase your explanation to help you get a better C&C and GRA score.  
  
By the way, you have a problem with your use of common words in the essay. You should have said "other groups", which is the commonly used phrase. A reference to "others groups" is a descriptive word mistake in reference to the plural form of a word (other - others).  
  
Always complete your summary overview. You did not mention the types of comparison measurements used (frequency of eating out days), type of measurement used. You should have at least 3 comparison sentences per paragraph. That is why your essay feels too short and less informative than it should be. You did not focus on the comparison discussion as the prompt indicated. Hopefully, you will be able to do a better job in the next essay.  
  
Not that you did a bad job with this essay. This essay is good enough, but could be better. You just need to gain the confidence to represent your discussion in an extended format when you can. That will help your essay inform the reader better.
## The passion for teaching decreased

  
  
It is true that teaching was considered an extremely well-respected and gained its popularity in the previous generation. Nevertheless, recently, the number of people nurturing their passion for this kind of job has dropped sharply in some parts of the world. In my country, the problem is becoming worse and worse, and it is important to take steps to make teaching more attractive. In this essay, I will look at the main causes of the problem and propose some solutions.  
  
One of the first culprit contributing to in terms of the shortage of teachers is lower remuneration.it can be seen that a significant difference in the salaries paid to teachers and other qualified workers, which are notably higher. For instance, the monthly salary of an elementary school teacher is about 4 million VND. This figure is only half that of other professions. Consequently, the prospect of low income discourages students from pursuing a career in teaching. The solution is for the government to raise the teacher's pay significantly. This could lead to a dramatic rise in the number of graduates willing to devote their lives to teaching.  
  
The next cause is the amount of workload; both on and off school hours. This job does not allow a teacher to rest and recover from stress, which is hazardous to both the psychological and physical well-being of the teacher. For example: In addition to teaching in the classroom, teachers must also prepare the next lesson or give mark for students...Therefore, to mitigate this issue, it is vital for the government to curb the burden of duties on teachers, by appointing more teaching assistants who will reduce their workload and setting the maximum number of working hours per week. This will lead to a better work-life balance.  
  
Last but not least  
is the bad behaviour of present-day students. According to a recent survey, current pupils tend to disobey teachers or even behave rudely toward them. As a result, potential teachers are greatly discouraged from choosing this profession as their future job. Dealing with this issue involves parents teaching their offspring that they need to have respect for adults. Besides, the school should strictly handle students who are rude towards teachers.  
  
To sum up, in my view, the shortage of teachers in secondary schools is a serious problem. Governments must take steps to deal with the problem as soon as possible. Otherwise, we risk a serious lack of teachers in the future.
Wow! You only have 40 minutes to write this topic. There is no way you can write over 400 words within 40 minutes. The most you can write is 275-290 words. I believe you did not use a timer when you wrote this essay. You just kept on writing because you heard that writing more will result in a higher score. Nope. Writing just a moderate length paper, focused on quality instead of word count, is what scores best in these tests.  
  
Your prompt paraphrase is inaccurate. The original prompt is:  
  
*These days, in many countries, fewer and fewer people want to become teachers, particularly in secondary schools. What are the reasons for this, and how could the problem be solved?*  
  
The paraphrase is:  
  
*There are less educators on a global than previously counted. The biggest reduction in faculty member count can be seen in high schools. There are two reasons that I believe contributes to this problem. I hope to be able to shed light on this problem and offer solutions through this writing.*  
  
Now. the problem with this essay is the length. Your reasoning is good, but over discussed. Try to keep your essay paragraphs limited to 5 sentences at the most, but no less than 3 sentences. Learn to say more using less words. That is what cohesiveness and coherence is all about. The more direct your response, the less grammar mistakes you will make. The more you write, the bigger your chance of creating grammatical errors. By the way, ellipses (...) are not used in formal academic writing so don't start to practice using that punctuation mark in these practice tests. These are formal academic writing tasks.
## hectic pace and pressure of contemporary lifestyles

  
  
*Some people believe that the fast pace and stress of modern life is having a negative effect on families.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree ?*  
  
A highly controversial issue today relates to whether family life is being detrimentally affected by the hectic pace and pressure of contemporary lifestyles. From my point of view, I totally agree with this opinion due to the two main reasons.  
  
First of all, I would contend that families have less time to gather around because of the high-speed modern days. This may result from members being preoccupied with work and their social lives. These days, people are often so busy updating their social status or chatting with friends that they forget to spend time with their beloved,  
  
not to mention the fact that they only have about six hours in the evening to meet their family members.  
Another reason why I support the notion is that people are more likely to argue with each other under great pressure. It is concerned that when getting tired, humans stand bigger chance of being easily annoyed and therefore, quarrel. In the actual world, some married couples eventually choose to get divorced and leave an irreplaceable position in their offspring 's growth.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that the fast-moving and stressful nature of the current competitive world are ruining family relationships. This is owing to family members having less time together and hence, feeling less relaxed. The best prospect might be that the family members try to be more supportive of each other and meet more frequently.
You have the paragraph numbers right. You even got the response to the discussion instruction correct. What you did not get right is the prompt restatement. You also failed to write a minimum of 3 sentences in 2 of your paragraphs. So these all added up to you losing points instead of gaining points in your essay. There will be points deductions slapped on your TA score because of the briefness of your essay. You tend to lose .25 points for ever 10 words that you are under the word minimum. That signifies a hefty deduction on your overall score. This is the type of mistake that will always result in the exam taker automatically failing the Task 2 test.
Hello everyone! This is the first time I've used Essayforum. Could you guys help me to improve my writing skills? I really appreciate  
  
## Dealing with difficult situations

  
  
Topic: Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations.  
  
Discuss both views and give your opinion.  
My essay:  
  
People has to go to vissicistudes in life. There is a huge number of people tend to suffer from adversities such as job disatisfaction or lack of money. However, there are many people believe that putting effort in changing those situations is the best choice.  
  
On the one hand, there are several reasons why some people choose to endure difficult situations without making an attempt to make them better. Firstly, they may lack of confidence to face with failure and adversities. In addition, they might be sacred of being judged by other people. Their reservations halt them from achieving what they want. Besides, they can enjoy their lives without making strenuous efforts. Therefore, these people' lives might be less stressful and competitive.  
  
On the other hand, there are many people who can not retain their ambitions to make their lives better. It is quite understandable that they have to improve bad situations. Firstly, they may need more money to sustain their needs. For example, if a person is out of work, he/she has find another job with higher salaries to raise his/her children. Secondly, they want to broaden their comfort zone and embrace adversities. There are many people, especially youngsters, want to pursue their dreams and fulfill their potenial. Furthermore, these people may have a more qualified life than the others. However, because of being more competitive, it is easy for them to have stress.  
  
In my opinion, I concur with those who argue keep trying to ameliorate present situations. People should break their limits to understand more about their strengths and weaknesses.  
  
All in all, instead of accepting harsh conditions, people should work harder for a better life.  
  
Thank you so much!
Topic:  
## Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they released from prison.

  
***What do you think are the causes of this?***  
Response:  
Many prisons turn over a new leaf after they released from prison; nevertheless, not all the case are true. Some criminals commit crimes as soon as they get out of prison, and personally, I believe there are reasons to justify this.  
  
Firstly, it is people's prejudice that indirectly make those prisoners give up the idea of re-integrating. Back to the past, criminals were considered a threat to the society, and undoubtedly, people tended to distance themselves from prisoners. That presumption had rooted deeply inside people's mind and made them turn their back at people who commit crimes, even if he or she is only a little thief. As a result, these released prisoners no longer feel they are parts of the society anymore, instead, they feel left-out and abandoned. Without the warm welcoming and the sympathy of the society, these prisoners find no incentive in changing for the better since all of their efforts would meet with negligence and underappreciation.  
  
Secondly, our society lacks of job opportunity for the prisoners. After coming out of prison, a job is of the utmost importance on the grounds that offers the prisoners stable incomes to live by and makes them feel that they have values to the society. However, finding a proper job is a challenge to every prisoner since their crimes are often regarded as acts of fraudulence and untrustworthiness. Clearly, no employers would like to take on these people in their working places. Struggling to find a job, most released prisoners would end up facing financial difficulties. Eventually, they would resort to committing crimes in order to make some money.  
  
In conclusion, reasons why many prisoners commit crimes right after being released could be put down to people's prejudice and the lack of job opportunity for the return criminals.
I find no problems with your reasoning paragraphs. The reasons are sound, well represented and the examples, relevant. Those paragraphs are coherent and cohesive. Even with some slight grammar problems, the message of the paragraph remains clear and on point. However, there are some vocabulary issues with the presentation such as the use of the word negligence in reference to the efforts of criminals to reform. You should have simply said underappreciated. It is more fitting for the sentence. Rather than negligence, ignored would have been a better term since their efforts will not be noticed even if the public sees it. Negligence is used more in reference to "a failure to exercise appropriate and or ethical ruled care expected to be exercised amongst specified circumstances. "  
  
The opening and closing paragraphs are the ones that need work in this essay. The opening paragraph is too long. It resulted in run-on sentences, which would affect the GRA score in reference to punctuation marks. The conclusion also suffers from the same problem. There is a minimum 3 sentence presentation for every paragraph. Try to stick to it. It helps with the overall increase of your score and would boost the C&C section of your scoring as well because you will have properly restated the information from the prompt and body of paragraphs both times.
***## Each year, the crime rate increases.

  
What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?***  
  
Nowadays the world has been confronting with the significant growth in the proportion of criminals. Given that this trend leads to a whole host of issues for the government as well as the safety of citizens, identifying the reasons behind it is key to finding the solutions.  
  
There are several reasons why the crime level has a markedly rise in recent decades. Firstly, since there are thousands of action movies and shows at disposal, people especially the young generation have a tendency for becoming addicted to this kind of videos, which might drive to obsession and criminal commitment. For instance, a recent poll by the UK Government found that 70% of inmates would watch too much violent acts on TV and as a result, they could not differentiate between fiction and reality, then unconsciously imitate these acts. Secondly, the loose control of gun also contributes to the climb of criminal activity. This means that everyone has a right to possess at least a gun, which might harm their neighbors.  
  
Nevertheless, there are also variety of solutions to reverse this trend. First, the censorship should strictly check the quality of these violent videos as well as age restriction. This acts as an incentive for people to view the appropriate contents. Second, the government should pass a law which exclude people from utilizing guns. For example, Australia banned guns in 1996 and since then the crime rate in that country has reduced by 30%.  
  
In conclusion, the mimicry of violent acts and the loose policy of gun ownership are the main reasons why more and more people commit crime. However, there are some solutions which significantly decline the crime level such as gun prohibition and violent limitation in the media.
The main problem with this essay is that you are citing figures gained from possible research instead of personal experience and knowledge. You should be citing examples from your life experiences and common knolwedge as to what causes crime and how to stop it. Information about the UK government and Australian gun ban, with specific dates and percentages show that you used research to complete the task. That is in violation of the discussion instruction which is for you to use personal knowledge and experience. The information is too detailed to have come from personal experience or everyday knowledge. That is going to pull down your test score.  
  
Also, since you will be writing this exam at the testing center, there will not be any internet connected computer available for you to use. Hence, the need for you to get used to writing without the use of external research. Use only information that you know. If I were you, I would start brushing up on my current events knowledge this early. This will prepare you for any possible current events question that might arise from the test questions.  
  
By the way, the opening paraphrase and concluding summary paraphrase is not exempted from the minimum 3, maximum 5 sentence per paragraph requirement. You have to properly divide the sentence presentations in those sections so that you can get an opportunity to raise your overall score.
This is the first time i have written essay, please give my my band  
  
## Science and Technology vs history

  
  
What is an essential subject in school is a hotly-debated topic that often divides opinion Many people claim that History is a compulsory subject in education, whereas, in some opinions, Science and Technology is the most crucial one. For me, both subjects are necessary for students so i will illustrate two pros each major.  
  
First, let us take a look at the influences of History for people, especially who are studying at the Academy. History which happened in the past gives us the comprehensive insights of events that we have no possibility to see such as we can have some opportunities to explore the process of growth of people thanks to the historians. Moreover,it is a key for us to broaden our horizons by drawing lessons from history. For instance, before knowing heros' dedications, we can express our deep gratitude to them and look up to their brave.  
  
On the other hand, Science and Technology also important to modern social such as nowadays. In recent years, Computer Science has been really common in high schools or universities as well as required subjects for globalizing. In some famous universities, Artificial Intelligence is the most important major, lots of celebrated apps use it in their process. Moreover, studying this subject gives us a chance to build a better world which has a lot of gadgets to help people.  
  
To sum up, I strongly belief that both History, Science and Technology are essential for people, we should study all and apply it into real life
Ordinary users are not allowed to score essays. Only contributors can score essays. Always direct your request for a score to a contributor. Any student who scores an essay will be suspended without warning.  
  
The original prompt is:  
  
*Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subjects like science and technology are more important than history.  
  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.*  
  
I am afraid that this essay will score a 4. The specific reason as to why this is the score this essay will receive is this, you did not respond to the task criteria at all in the TA section. Since the TA section is 50% of the total score, improperly responding to the prompt question will result in an total failing score. You are being asked to Discuss both views and give an opinion.  
  
*For me, both subjects are necessary for students so i will illustrate two pros each major.*  
  
Your response clearly shows that you did not understand the instructions nor the question being asked. You created your own discussion topic which is totally unrelated to the original presentation. Hence the TA failing score, which will lead to an overall failing score on your part due to spelling, grammar and conciseness issues in your presentation.You need to have shown reasons for the public support for each side before you gave a personal opinion. You should not have given it at the onset of writing within the paraphrased paragraph.  
  
Now, I am not going to review the other problem points of your essay because that would be pointless. The essay has already failed. Instead, I will ask you to write a new essay based on a new topic. This time, make sure you follow the discussion requirements for the essay. Address the prompt question and directions properly. Make sure you are doing it properly before you post it here. Otherwise, you might receive another failing score.  
  
I strongly urge you to review the sample essays at this forum. The questions for the Task 2 practice tests are always the same. Only the approach to the response changes. So you can learn from the mistakes of others here and apply the suggested corrections to their work on your own work.
## Gross Domestic Product in the UK

  
  
The chart shows components of GDP in the UK from 1992 to 2000.  
  
The bar chart provides information regarding gross domestic product from IT and Service Industry of the UK between 1992 and 2000.  
Overall, the rate of products in IT Industry exceeded its counterpart in Service Industry, although there are upward trends in both of them. Noticeably, IT Industry witnessed a more rapid growth.  
  
IT Industry tallied about 6 percent in 1992, which was tripled compared to Service Industry. Two years later, it reported a nearly 2 per cent increase before slightly sinking to less than 8 per cent. Despite a moderate decline, the percentage of IT Industry accelerated from approximately 8 percent to 12 percent, and reach a high of about 15 percent, doubling the percentage of Service Industry.  
  
Besides, the proportion of Service Industry only accounted for 4 per cent of GDP in the initial year, and it markedly slid to around 6 percent in 1994. After that, this figure slightly go up in 1996 and almost reach 8 per cent in 1998 before exceeding this number in the end of the 8-year period.  
  
*