dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Some people think it is a waste of money to establish libraries since the public can use the Internet at home to obtain information, do you agree or disagree?**  
  
As the impact of advance technology, some people argue that construction and development of libraries are wasting money since they can get the information by using internet. I totally disagree with the notion because I still believe that library is important for science growth. This essay will first discuss about how quality of information in library make it is so important, and then talk about why using internet for looking information should be reduce.  
  
The best way to get high quality information is going to the library. It is proven by a data from Research Publication Department in Cambridge University, revealed about eight in ten researcher chose to publish their study in a book than in digital journal. They thought that when an article posted on internet, it became public own and they could change the content by their self, it so dangerous for science development.  
  
Fake data in internet is so easy to find since people freely to write what they want without control by experts. A study about digital information had been done by Education and Technology Department, Nanyang Technology University, found that almost a half of information on the Internet was written by unknown people or an expert one. Many of writer said that they even sometimes added additional fake information for making their reader interest to read the article. The only one that they thought was the reader rate of their writing. They did not care about the quality of the content.  
  
To sum up, I strongly believe that library still becomes the place to get information since we cannot fully believe all of information on the internet due to the fake.
Hi,  
  
advance technology > advanced technology  
  
This essay will first discuss about how quality of information in library make it is so important, and ...  
**#IELTS essay is not a report, you do not need to talk about the sequences of the content in your introduction. Just state your views and solutions (if any).**  
  
They thought that ...  
*They worried that changes, for example, the findings of an experiment, can be made by some internet users if the public can gain access easily, which can cause public doubt on the creditability of the study.*  
  
was written by unknown people or an expert one.  
*.... by either anonymous or non-professional bodies*  
  
Many of writer ...  
Manywriters ...  
  
@@@@@  
  
you should include more ideas to support your disagreement, as you only have one supportive ground, which is online information is not reliable.
**Some people think it is a waste of money to establish libraries since the public can use the Internet at home to obtain information, do you agree or disagree?**  
  
The emergence of the internet can lead someone to get much information without finding out to library. Thus, some people think that it is wasting money to establish libraries. The essay is disagree with the notion because library is the only place where provide reliable source of knowledge.  
  
It is true that the internet has bring a huge benefit towards people, and one of them is providing a large amount of information. Several websites attach hundreds of papers and journals that can be freely to be accessed, such as AcademiaEdu or Sribd. According to a statistical data from University of Indoneisa reveals that the percentage of visitors in AcadimaEdu continued to rise for each year, and it stayed in 2,4 million people in last October, 2016. As a result, some websites shift the content to become more educated. Therefore, the internet make someone easy to gain information.  
  
However, just because the internet has provided all information, does not mean it is quite unnecessary to establish libraries. It is because an enormous number of textbook or publication from authors who had studied and experimented for a long time, cannot be downloaded freely. For example, a famous sedimentologists, Sam Boggs, released four principle of sedimentology books which cost $ 226. As a result, government has supported the library by giving a fund to buy these publication to enrich citizens' knowledge. Thus, it is a good reason to allocate a considerable amount of money to improve library.  
  
To conclude, as far as I concerned that it is not a waste effort to spend money for education reason, such as establish library to enhance our knowledge with reliable information. (275)
.... where provides sources of knowledge  
  
..... the internet has brought many benefits ....  
  
Several websites attach ....  
*There are large amount of academic websites providing hundreds of paper and journal that can be accessed without restrictions.*  
  
According to a statistical data from the University of Indonesia, (...) on AcadimaEdu has continued to rise ...  
  
.... the internet make someone easy to gain information....  
*The internet surely provides a better platform for the public to obtain information anytime without physically present in libraries.*  
  
a famous sedimentologists, Sam Boggs who ...  
  
--------------  
  
In your third paragraph, the example you used did not really go along with your thesis statement.  
T: cannot be downloaded freely, E: the government has supported the library by giving a fund  
so how does that relate to the importance of library (libraries should not be eliminated)?  
  
I can see that you did some research online before you start to write your essay, but I would prefer not to put numerical data or something costs how much in IELTS writing T2, just simply because, in most cases, you won't have that information with you when you are in the exam venue.  
  
try to avoid subject-verb agreement mistakes  
  
I can only spot out some common mistakes, hope it helps.  
keep writing :)  
  
cheers.
**Some people think it is a waste of money to establish libraries since the public can use the Internet at home to obtain information, do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Establishing the library is useless for certain people because they believe internet is able to replace the function of library to acquire information. I totally disagree toward this statement because Internet cannot completely displace the role of libraries.  
  
On the one hand, some people argue that build the library in recent days only waste of money because people already rely on the convenience of cutting-edge application. However, the advance of technology in Internet has some drawbacks when people over use it. Unless there is library as source of knowledge, people only depend on gadget screen which is not good for their health. Based on the data from UNESCO in 2016, students in the whole world are recommended to read a book than read an e-book because knowledge will be easier understood besides there is an unhealthy impact of learn from e-book. Thus, inhabitants still need a library to obtain millions information.  
  
On the other hand, many sophisticated devices nowadays provide internet program for the users to create convenient life. In fact, people can use this tool every time and everywhere. Internet does not spend much time and this is easy to use for people in various ages. They are also able to get recent information fast. Taking the data of Head Office Google Company in 2015, Internet can make people update with the recent news two time faster than conventional ways like newspaper and magazine. Therefore, a huge number of people depend on the Internet in all sides such as education, lifestyle, and business transaction.  
  
To sum up, I believe that libraries function cannot be changed by internet forever. Although internet makes everything easier, people need library to improve their knowledge.
Hi Miss Meireza.  
I have read your essay closely and found a few odd things about contents. Please, let me finalize this.  
  
*Miss, you successfully create an introduction paragraph well. You can paraphrase the statement without changing the meaning. However, you displayed discussion in the thesis statement which is not accordance with the body paragraph. I think you will explain roles of the library, which can be not replaced by the Internet, but you tended to explain the function of the Internet. Honestly, I have not found where you show your disagreement.*  
  
However, the advance of technology [...] not good for their health  
*Apart from that, your flow is not enough good. There you explained that the Internet has negative effects. After that, you directly review about the library as the source of information. I have found the main topic clearly which you would explain. You have to remember that your job in the essay is to communicate with the readers, not to impress them. When the readers pause, so your flow is bad.*  
  
**Keep Writing  
GOOD LUCK**
A breakdown of the information about the number of viewers per day measured by millions for Channel One News over a 12-month period in four part times is revealed in a line chart. Overall, all of the figures showed different trend. The most popular channel news was watched in 9.30pm.  
  
It can be seen that, the 6pm and 1pm news experienced as the favourite and the most unpopular channel news. To begin with, just under 5 million viewers in January, then the 6pm news fell gradually almost over 3 million in the last two years. Meanwhile, the 1pm news witnessed a steady increase until the end of period.  
  
The two channel news that showed a dramatic change of gazer's number over a 12-month period. The 9.30pm news stood at just above 3 million visitors, and then it dipped to almost 1 millions in August, and in the last four months increased markedly to the same point which it started. There was a sharp rise in the number of 11pm news viewers, when it was introduced on 1st may, but after hit a high point approximately 4 million, it showed a gradual rise until the end of period solely at fewer than 1 million viewers.  
  
*   
*The average daily figures for Channel One News over a 12-month period*
**Hi Miss Aini.  
These are my thought toward your writing.**  
  
Overall, all of the figures showed different tren  
As we see, those certainly experience different trend. Whereas you did not mention, readers will know that you will change without seeing the graph because you create the meaningless overview. It will seem as hackneyed sentences. Avoid them.  
  
The most popular channel news was watched in 9.30pm.  
*Are you sure that the most popular news is 9.30 program, not 6 pm program? You have to be careful of reading the data. Your score will fall if you describe the data appropriately.*  
  
*OVERALL, IT CAN OBVIOUSLY SEEN THAT CHANNEL ONE HAD DIVIDED NEWS PROGRAMS INTO THREE TIMES PER DAY, BUT THE COMPANY HAD HAD A POLICY TO ADD BROADCASTING THE NEWS AT 11 PM SINCE 1ST MAY. FURTHERMORE, VIEWERS HAD TENDED TO WATCH NEWS AT 6 PM.*  
  
The 9.30pm news stood at just above 3 million visitors, and then it dipped to almost 1 millions in August, and in the last four months ...  
*Honestly, your grouping is not enough interesting because you play safely. You are likely to describe the data separately, not to compare amongst the figures. You cannot get the high score if you do that since one of the prompts is comparing the figures. Please, you call your attention to this matter.*  
  
Keep Writing..  
GOOD LUCK
What you've written is very nice and detailed to properly analyze the graph. However, I feel that some clarity is needed regarding the significance of each. You've analyzed each trend and have described it but a bit more detail is needed (such as: why is this important? how is this effective? etc.). It follows an analytical structure in which it seems as if you're just reading off the chart without necessarily understanding the background or relations. But if that's what you were aiming for, you did great!
**The rules that the whole societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict**  
  
In my childhood, using a video player or a CD player was offense and had a punishment in my home country. Whereas, nowadays, people have widespread access to various information sources, the internet, videos and so on. This is because of the rules changing between generations. Contrary to those who contend that today rules are rigid for the young people; I am of the opinion that laws are not hard. Leading young people to a right path and decrease the crime in the society are the main reasons why I hold this point of view.  
  
The first point, which merits attention, would be that young people have a desire to experience everything and sometimes, it prompts them to the wrong way and poses a severe problem for them. I think laws and penalties are key factors for control the youth. In other words, severity is like a shake which warning people of an adverse effect of their behavior. As a result, rules enable young people to select the right path and behave in a mature way. A prime example from my brother experience may shed some light on this point when my brother was 15 years old he was punished because of smoking in the school. He should be worked in the library of the school throughout the summer. It seemed to be hard fine but helped my brother to give up the smoking forever.  
  
There is also a more subtle point we must consider. Each society modifies the rules with regard to public health. It means all societies strive to reduce crimes and enhance life standards. When people accept the rules and obey them, the legislations change to culture and convey from one generation to another. As a result, rules play a productive role in establishing a regularity and discipline in the society. For instance, 10 years ago people encounter with the penalty for throw away a plastic trash in the street in Turkey country. People have followed this law and now a new generation has a positive attitude toward this, not as a rule but as a culture.  
  
All in all, if all the factors are contemplated we can reach this conclusion that not only young people benefit from societies' rules and find out the ways to realize positive things from negative but also societies pave the way to next generations, because of correct the values and make civilization.
... CD player was an offense and had...  
  
... from my brother's experience may (...) on this point; when my brother was 15 years old, he was punished ...  
  
He ~~should be~~had to work~~worked~~ in the ~~library of the school~~school library~~throughout~~over the summer. It seemed to be hard fine( this part is confusing) but helped my ...  
  
Your essay is very nice and well organized. There are only a couple grammatical errors or some areas which needs a bit more clarity, however the development and the points presented are really good!
We have entered an era where education systems are striving to adapt to the constant changes in the world. Contrary to those who contend that students should not take basic science courses in their field study; I am of the opinion that these courses should consider in all fields of study. The Strong connection between basic science and other fields of study and productive role of these courses on various aspects of life are the main reasons why I hold this point of view.  
  
The first point worth mentioning would be that all fields of study are intimately linked to basic sciences. The importance of the fundamental science in all majors derives from the fact that all fields are dependent on this knowledge. In other words, taking background of basic sciences get a better understanding of other science and fields of study. Consequently, basic science education along with other courses is necessary. A prime example from my own experience may shed some lights on this point, I am a biochemist and I mostly deal with microorganisms and chemical compounds. High level of knowledge in basic science especially mathematic is indispensable in our career, because, the lowest mistake in the calculation of chemical materials dosage leads to destroying microorganisms.  
  
There is also a more subtle point we must consider. Basic sciences play a crucial role in the people's daily tasks in their lives. Awareness of basic science enables us to realize how to tackle the problems in our lives and make an effort to resolve them. Because of this, the knowledge limitation of basic science would have a detrimental impact on life satisfaction. As a result, considering basic science courses in the university schedule for all students seems to have a positive influence on their life. For instance, my mother usages her chemical science knowledge in the cooking to enhance the nutritional value of foods. In the other hand, she can benefit from mathematic science to reduce the financial risk with accurate calculation.  
  
All in all, if all the factors are contemplated we can reach this conclusion that basic science has not only a beneficial effect on the realization of other science but also can be considered as a key factor in fulfillment of life and cope with hardships. Hence, the importance of basic science education cannot be underestimated in the university curriculum.
Blue indicates a suggestion to revise what's written. Here are a few suggestions:  
  
... in their field study; [Insert Comma Instead of Semicolon] I am of the opinion ...  
  
... may shed some light~~s~~ on this point, ...  
...knowledge in basic science especially mathematics is indispensable in our career~~,~~ because~~,~~ the lowest mistake ...[The arguments and claims you provide in this paragraph can be improved.]  
  
Awareness of basic science (...) and make an effort to resolve them. [How so?]  
... would have a detrimental ~~impact~~effect on life satisfaction.  
[You have not provided evidence to support this claim.]  
For instance, my mother ~~usages~~uses her chemical science knowledge in ~~the~~ cooking to enhance ...  
~~In~~On the other hand, (...) to reduce the financial risk with accurate calculation. [What do you mean by "financial risk"?]
Hello: I will give you suggestion and i hope it will help you.  
Overall, your essay is good.  
  
**1. Check your comma (,) using**  
it is a small thing, but important, to make reader understand when read your essay  
**2. Be careful with spelling**  
  
3. You must increase your opinion or real fact in the body paragraph  
  
4. Be careful article (a. an, the) using  
  
5. Check your sentence (s/es) using
**Writing Task 1 Channel one news viewing figures**  
  
A comparison of the number of channel one news viewers according to the show times between January and December measured in millions per day is shown in the line chart. Overall, most of people watched channel one news everyday at 6:00 p.m while the number of viewers at 1:00 p.m remained constant during this period.  
  
It can be seen that the figure for people who watched at 1:00 p.m stood at 1.3 in January. In this category, there was no considerable change until December. In contrast, a very small number of people started to watch at 11:00 p.m in May. It witnessed a dramatic increase by 3.5 in July than reached its peak at 4.1 in August. After that, it dropped monthly until December.  
  
People who watched at 6:00 p.m were declining over the time although there were some fluctuations. It raised the bottomed at 3.2 millions in December. However, the total number of viewers at 9:30 p.m is lower than at 6:00 p.m. The highest number of people watched at 9:30 p.m is 3.8 millions in May while the lowest at 1 million in August.  
  
*
Hello Beauty!  
Allow me to give you some suggestion.  
  
It can be seen that**,** the figure for people ...  
It dipped to 3.2 millions in December.  
  
... number of viewers at 9:30 p.m was lower than at 6:00 p.m.  
... watched at 9:30 p.m was 3.8 millions ...  
**PAST TENSE**  
  
Hope it helps you :)
**The graph below shows the average daily figures for Channel One News over a 12-month period**  
  
A breakdown of figure for watching Channel One News in three different hour categories during a year is revealed in the line graph. Overall, it can be seen that at 6 pm recorded the most favorite time, while at 1 pm dominated the lowest viewers.  
  
There was a contrary in the number of watchers TV. In May, people watched news far below one millions at 11 pm, while at 9:30 pm recorded just fewer than four millions. However, at 9.30 pm experienced an utterly go down and bottomed by about three millions at just above one millions , while at 11 pm rocketed almost fourfold higher than before and sharply fell to below one millions.  
  
The figure for viewers witnessed the greatest point, it solely stood out at just under five millions at 6 pm, while at 1 pm showed approximately four times slower than of this in January. Furthermore, between February and December experienced a fluctuate for viewers watching Channel One News from just under four millions by about 0.7 million to just above three millions, while at 1 pm gained remain steady.  
  
*   
*Question*
Hello Mardian!  
Allow me to give you some suggestions.  
  
... Channel One News in three different hour categories during a year ...  
**Where is the measurement?**  
**Check the graph again. It should be "three different hour categories"**  
  
In May, people watched news far below one millions at 11 pm, while at 9:30 pm recorded just fewer than four millions.  
**Check the graph again, it revealed that the 11pm news was introduced on 1st May.**  
  
The figure for viewers witnessed the greatest point,...  
**What figure you are talking about? word "it" refers to?**  
  
[quote=mardian24]Furthermore, between February and December experienced a fluctuate for viewers .../quote]  
**Who experienced a fluctuate trend?**  
  
while at 1 pm gained a remain steady.  
  
Hope it helps you.
**WRITING TASK 1 ELECTRICITY SOURCES**  
  
A comparison of source of energy to generate electricity in two different countries is shown in the pie charts between 1980 and 2010. Overall, coal became the chief source for New Zealand in both years. Meanwhile, there was a change of base of electricity production in Germany from Natural Gas in 1980 to nuclear energy in 2010.  
  
It could be seen that there were several changes in the usage of electricity source in New Zealand. To begin, Hydro increased slightly from 30 units in 1980 to 46 units in 2010. Besides, coal as the greatest number of source of electricity over those years witnessed a significant incline by 94 units in 2010. In contrast, natural gas and petroleum experienced fall to a very small number, 2 units for each in 2010.  
  
Another country, Germany experienced a dramatic increase of nuclear from 20 units to the highest number 155 and the rise trend also happened in petroleum by 5 units in 2010. The rest of source electricity units such as hydro and natural gas decreased to the same number only 2 units in 2010 while coal remained constant at 28 units in both years.  
  
*
A comparison of the source of energy to generate electricity in two different countries is shown in the pie charts between 1980 and 2010. Overall, coal has became the chief source for New Zealand in both years. Meanwhile, there was a change of base of electricity production in Germany from Natural Gas in 1980 to nuclear energy in 2010.  
  
It could be seen that there were several changes in the usage of electricity source in New Zealand. To begin, Hydro increased slightly from 30 units in 1980 to 46 units in 2010. Besides, coal as the greatest number of the source of electricity over those years witnessed a significant incline by 94 units in 2010. In contrast, natural gas and petroleum experienced fall to a very small number, 2 units for each in 2010.  
  
Another country, Germany experienced a dramatic increase of nuclear from 20 units to the highest number 155 and the riseing trend also happened in petroleum by 5 units in 2010. The rest of ~~source~~ electricity source units such as hydro and natural gas decreased to the same number only 2 units in 2010 while coal remained constant at 28 units in both years.