dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hello Bada!  
Allow me to give you some suggestion.  
  
A breakdown of the proportion of information ...  
Proportion -> percentage  
You should use "the number" since it measured in millions  
  
Look at my suggestion below:  
visitors in five countries between 1995 and 2010 measured by millions is revealed in a line graph.  
  
Overall, it can be seen that there was a significant upward (...), France and USA, however, Brazil and Egypt ...  
Firstly, from 1995 to 2005 there was a variation upward ...  
Use punctuation correctly.  
Look at my suggestion below:  
*Overall, it can be seen that**,** there was a significant ... H owever, Brazil and Egypt ...*  
  
Look at my suggestion below:  
*According to the graph, 2005 saw a significant upward trend ...*  
  
Hope it helps you :)
**Some people think it is a waste of money to establish libraries since the public can use the Internet at home to obtain information, do you agree or disagree?**  
  
The majority of people take the view that building libraries are not useful owing to the fact that, internet can handle people for getting information. However, I personally would believe that I totally agree with this statement since internet has covered much significant news. This essay will first discuss about people are seldom to visit the library due to internet and library is ancient way for people to acquire new information and money can be used to build another facility.  
  
To begin with, money can be used for other interests due to the fact that, internet can make everything simpler and I am sure that people tend to choose internet than library to discover new information. Based on the research by University of Southampton is stated that the number of visitors in Bristol library fell extremely while internet could cover many places in the world in 2007. Fast and simple by using internet make people tend to seldom go to the library. Up to a point, this is true but there is a limitation at the same information which only can find in library.  
  
A further reason is that library is an old way for people to explore new information, while internet have changed people' habit to come to library. It is better to use money to build new internet sport or do a research about internet which can be used whenever we are. For instance, in Indonesia these days government prefer to use money to make internet car while can be reached in rural area. This authority is true because the money will be more effective and straight to the point than e-book.  
  
All in all, I totally agree that it is not significant to build many libraries because in recent day's people seldom visit library and it is old way that people have left to come to library in new modern era.
Mardian, some comments about your writing style. In the opening paragraph, you wrote a redundancy in reference to your supporting the move that establishing libraries is a waste of money. You could have just said that "I believe" or "I totally agree..." You need not have combined the two phrases in one sentence. Avoiding redundancies will help to boost your score because you will have a chance to improve your lexical resource and grammatical range and accuracy scores. By showing that you know how to use the English phrases, in the right context, you will show a heightened English usage ability.  
  
Another point of concern for me as a reviewer, is that you are referring to information dating back to 2007. That makes the information over 9 years old. If you wish to cite accurate and acceptable information in this type of essay, your information must not be older than 5 years old. Anything older than that is considered inaccurate due to the age of the information. It tends to become irrelevant and thus, inapplicable to the essay. You need to always use the most up to date information. However, in this sort of test, you will not have the time to research the latest information prior to presentation. So I would suggest that you simply use the knowledge and information that you already know about the topic in your discussion. That way, you get to prove that you truly understand the everyday concerns presented by the prompt. Needless to say, basing the response on your personal experience or notable commonly known and remembered information will be better for your essay than trying to impress the reviewer with almost 10 year old information.
**What are the causes of water scarcity? What are your solutions?**  
  
Nowadays, water is the most essential part in the world on the grounds that, every daily activity needs water. But, these days the amount of water is utterly decreasing, and several causes are the key of this problems. Personally, I would believe that there are several solutions to handle this problem. This essay will first explain about people's habit which have used water wastefully and dry season as the main problems and then talk about that inhabitants should change their bad habits by understanding the consequences that will happen and people need to make backup water while dry season happens.  
  
Using water in appropriate way has cause a lack of water in many places because the amount of water is limited. Sometimes people just let water flow from faucet with no attention, and they do not realize that water needs long process to be ready to reuse by people in the next day. With reference to the latest scientific research, one litter of water that we depleted took two a half month by natural processing which could be used by people again. A further reason is a dry season that will give a huge impact to the availability of water in several countries. When the intensity of rain is below standard, it absolutely makes a drought season. For instance, Africa experienced a long drought while there was no rain in three months. The consequences was land being dry and there was no water in well.  
  
On the other hand, using water efficiently is a simple idea which can hugely save the existence of water. To make this change is enough difficult and need deeply understanding about the risk that will exist in the future. After that, people will automatically do without any order. In September, BBC news announced that family was the first place for people to know the function for saving water to the next generation. What is more, it is better for people to keep water in a large storage that will be used in dry season. It is a brilliant idea to fill the necessary in the future.  
  
To sum up, wasting of water is the majority problem and dry season is a problem that needs to handle while the amount of water is limited. Besides, understanding from the function of water in the future and collecting every water drop from the sky are the solutions of this problem.
Mardian, in terms of task accuracy along with coherence and cohesion, I believe that you could get a band score of 6 for the opening statement alone. That is because you have shown a clear understanding of the prompt and a more than acceptable paraphrasing of the topic within the opening paragraph. The rest of the essay shows that you took some time to outline your thoughts and your discussion method in the succeeding paragraphs. Though there may be some language inconsistencies in the overall essay, the topic and opinion discussions stand out in the essay and is easily identifiable by the reader.  
  
As for the lexical resource and grammatical range and accuracy, this could very well score a 5 since the errors in word usage and grammar use, along with sentence development problems are evident but isn't so bad that it changes the message of your written work. An example of the word usage problem would be when you used the term "litter" which means trash or garbage when what you really meant to say was "liter" which is a liquid measurement description. Not to worry though, these problems are minimal and should see some improvement along with the additional practice tests you will be completing.  
  
Mistakes aside, the fact that you did not give the reader a hard time in deciphering what you want to say is enough for me to believe that you will be showing continued improvement over time. Keep the faith and keep up the good work.
(NB: i am sorry i cannot insert the graph pictures because the image in my book)  
  
A breakdown of the number of fish caught and the number of fishing crafts in Westhaven since 2008 until 2011 is shown by the bar charts. Taking everything into consideration, 2011 is the year with the greatest number of fish caught in both types of fish and fish crafts.  
  
There was a gradual rise of the number of tuna that was caught since 2009 by 10. In 2008, swordfish caught stood at 75 while tuna caught was higher than tuna catching. Although the swordfish caught had an alternate trend between increase and decrease in each year, we can say that the swordfish caught had an increase trend. In the other hand, the swordfish caught stood at 75 and was reached 100 at 2011. The number of tuna catching in 2010 as equal as the sum of swordfish caught in 2011.  
  
Furthermore, the total number of fish crafts stood at 50 in 2008. After a year, it was increased slightly in 2009 by 5 and continued reached a peak in 2011 by 15. In addition, there was a linier relation between the number of swordfish caught and the sum of fish crafts.
Hi Dioba  
  
Here are my thoughts :)  
  
**You can search the diagram in google actually, just type the question as a keyword because we cannot check your task achievement if you do not put the chart**  
  
There was a gradual rise ~~of~~**in** the number of tuna  
  
the swordfish caught had an ~~increase~~**increasing** trend.  
*you should change the form of 'increase' as an adjective in noun phrase of 'an increasing trend'*  
  
~~In~~**On** the other hand, ...  
*'In the other hand; is not an idiom in the English language. the meaning can be that you are holding something in the "other" hand  
  
'On the other hand' means from an opposing point of view.*  
  
it ~~was~~ increased slightly ...  
  
In addition, there was a ~~linier~~**linear** relation between ...  
  
KEEP WRITING!
Hi dioba, let me give some comments on your essay.  
  
1. ... of fish caught and the number of fishing crafts ...  
You can erase the second 'the number of' to make it more efficient because you've already mentioned it before.  
  
2. There was a gradual rise ~~of~~in the number ...  
You can use 'in' to tell about the data that you want to talk about  
  
3. ... 75 and was reached by 100 ~~at~~in 2011 ...  
To mention a year, you can use preposition 'in;.  
  
Thank You  
Keep writing
Hallo dioba dilli.. here i try to give you some notes. .  
  
... until 2011 is shown ~~by~~ IN the bar charts. Taking everything**(WHAT DO YOU MEAN WITH THIS STATEMENT, IT IS UNCLEAR)**into consideration, 2011 is ...  
  
... stood at 75 while tuna caught was higher than tuna catching.**(TUNA CAUGHT MEANS SAME WITH TUNA CATCHING SO WHICH ONE IS THE HIGHER)**Although the swordfish (...) decrease in each year, we can say that the swordfish caught had an increase trend . **DO NOT USE ANY OPINIONS IN WRITING TASK 1**In the other hand, the swordfish caught ~~stood at~~**WAS** 75 and ~~was~~ reached**(WAS REACHED DOUBLE VERBS)** 100 at 2011.  
  
Keep writing and GOOD LUCK KOKO!
Hello! I will give you some opinions about your essay.  
  
(1) A breakdown of the number of fish caught and the number of fishing crafts in Westhaven ~~since~~ from 2008 ~~until~~ to 2011 ~~is~~are shown by the bar charts.  
  
(2) ..., 2011 ~~is~~was the year with ...  
  
***Taking everything into consideration, 2011 experienced the greatest number of fish caught ...***  
  
(3) There was a gradual rise ~~of~~in the number of tuna ...  
(4) Although the swordfish caught had an alternate trend between increase and ...  
  
***Although the swordfish caught had a shift trend, it witnessed to increase***  
  
(5) ... stood at 75 and it~~was~~ reached 100 at 2011.  
(6) After a year, it ~~was~~ increased slightly in 2009 by 5 and continued to reach~~ed~~ a peak in 2011 by 15.
The graphs present information about the number of two kind of fish which seized close to Westhaven and the number of trawling vessels in Westhaven during 4 years from 2008 to 2010. Overall, the number of two kind fish, tuna and swordfish between 2008 and 2009. It was a slight increased, and followed in 2010 until 2011 tuna rose constantly. Otherwise, swordfish was fell in 2010 and went up rapidly in 2011. The number of trawling vessels, there was an upward trend from 2008 to 2011.  
  
As can be clearly seen, between 2008 and 2009 the number of trawling in Westthaven increased slightly from 50 to approximately 55. After that, there was dramatic decreased by 10 in 2010, and reached peaked at 75 in 2011.  
  
In comparison, the number of two kind fish, between 2008 and 2011 tuna was increased gradually from about 75 in 2008 to 100 in 2011. Whereas, swordfish from 65 in 2008 rose rapidly to 90 but fell quickly by around 20 in 2011. After that increased again to 90.
1. Overall, the number of two kind fish, tuna ...  
  
----->my suggest, in conclusion is you just mention about general trend and the most striking facts also please input the graph to make people easy to correct your essay. Here is my correction for grammatical sentence  
  
overall, it can be seen that the number of two kind fish, such as tuna and swordfish increased slightly between 2008 and 2009. Then, the number of tuna was constant while swordfish fluctuated from 2010 to 2011. Besides, there was an upward trend of the number of trawling vessels over three-years period.
Hallo.. i want to give you some suggestion. First of all please put your picture of graph because people cannot know how to compare your essay with the picture..  
  
... two kind of fish which seized close to Westhaven and the number of trawling vessels in Westhaven during 4 years from 2008 to 2010. Overall, the number of two kind fish, tuna and ...  
  
It was a slight increased , ...  
  
**1. SEIZED.. It is not VERB so you cannot make it in past participle form.. SEIZURE OR TAKING IS NOUN so be carefull when you want choose appropiate word.  
  
2. After CONJUCTION, It must VERB and you put NOUN there  
3. TWO KINDS not TWO KIND  
4. It was a slight ~~increased~~ INCREASE ->> IF YOU WRITE INCREASED SO THERE ARE TWO VERBS IN ONE SENTENCE WITHOUT ANY CONJUCTION SO YOU NEED MAKE IT IN NOUN FORM = INCREASE = NOUN (ALTHOUGH INCREASE CAN BE VERB OR NOUN FOR THIS CASE IT MUST NOUN)**
Hello Alfin, we met again and again.  
  
... about the number of two ~~kind~~KINDS(plural, because two, not only one) of fish which seized (...) vessels in Westhaven during 4 years from 2008 to 2010(DURING 4 YEARS BUT WHY YOUR DATA IS ONLY THREE YEARS??? ---> 2008, 2009, AND 2010) .  
  
Overall, the number of two ~~kind~~KINDS~~fish~~FISHES , tuna and swordfish between 2008 and 2009**........... IS BLA BLA BLA ???? THIS IS THE INCOMPLETE SENTENCE.**  
  
It was a slight ~~increased~~INCREASE(Increased is VERB, Increase can act as VERB OR NOUN) ,  
  
~~and followed in 2010 until 2011 tuna rose constantly.~~ (WORST SENTENCE STRUCTURE. WHAT YOU MEANS THERE???)  
  
Otherwise, swordfish ~~was fell~~FELL(DOUBLE VERB)  
  
in 2010 and went up rapidly in 2011. The number of ...  
  
PLEASE STUDY ABOUT LINKING WORD TO MAKE YOUR COHESION BOOST !  
  
GOOD LUCK
Hi, here are my suggestions to you  
  
1. Overall, the number of two kind fish, tuna and ...  
You need to explain more what's going on the number of two kind of fish  
  
2. It was a slight ~~increased~~ increase  
  
3. swordfish was fell in 2010 ...  
You can say 'swordfish fell in 2010  
  
thank you  
Keep writing
Hi alvin, below through my advice for you.  
1.two ~~kind~~ ---> kinds  
2.during 4 years from 2008 to 2010 ---> 4 years or 3 years? 2008 to 2010 or 2011)  
3.Overall, the number of two kind fish, tuna and swordfish between 2008 and 2009. --> this is a conclusion? tou should explain more dude.  
4.swordfish ~~was fell~~ in 2010 ---> double verb
1. ... the number of two kind KINDS of fish which IS seized close to (...) during 4 years ~~from 2008 to 2010~~ .  
  
2. Overall, the number of two kind KINDS fish, tuna and swordfish ... (WHAT DO YOU MEAN IN THIS SENTENCE?  
  
3. It was a slight increased,... Otherwise, swordfish ... The number of ...  
( IN THIS PART DON TOO MUCH SENTENCES, ONLY PUT THE INTERESTING POINT)  
  
4. ... number of two kind KINDS fish, between 2008 and ...  
(BODY 1 AND 2 SHOULD LONGER THAN OVERVIEW)
Hello! I will give you some opinions about your essay.  
  
(1) The graphs present the information (...) of two kinds of fish which seizedwas caught close to Westhaven ...  
(2) Overall, the number of two kinds of fish, tuna and swordfish, between 2008 and 2009 (and then?) .  
  
***Overall, it can be seen that there was a constant rise for tuna caught quantity from 2010 to 2011 while the figure for swordfish caught went up rapidly in 2011. Furthermore, the number of trawling vessels had an upward trend between 2008 and 2011.***  
  
(3) .... there was a dramatic decreas~~ed~~~~by~~of 10 in 2010, ...
**Some people think it is a waste of money to establish libraries since the public can use the Internet at home to obtain information, do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Nowadays, lots of countries have the same issue about dearth of water. It is one of the worst threat for human live in the earth. Personally, I believe that there are several causes of water crisis, such as water lavish is used by human and illegal deforestation also there are several solutions, such as saving water resources and reforestation. This essay will first discuss about water wasteful and how to save pure water by human then talk about illegitimate of deforestation by companies and how to prohibit this issue.  
  
To begin with, water is one of the main resources that should always to fulfill for human live in the earth. Owing to the fact that human would not be able to survive without water. Unfortunately, now many people who like wasting water without caring for how to maintain the existence of water. According to the AMKDITD research in Indonesia in 2013, 43 percent Indonesian over to use water for something not integral, such as washing car. Consequently, many cities, such as in Papua demanding to get water. So, needs a solution to solve this issue, such as rescue of water. It is integral implications for the preservation of water. With reference to ASMS research in Southampton in 2007, since 1990 societies in many district in Southampton already contribute to keep water, such as delimitation to use water in family. As a result, water supply sustainable would remanded over time.  
  
On the other hand, on the grounds that, many companies construct the building in forest. According to the latest Halaby research in Queensland in 2011, water scarcity issue, 64 percent causes by illegal deforestation in Queensland. Thus, government in there give a punishment for all of concerned corporations and court to cope a water problem. Therefore, all of people, corporation and other need to keep environment, such as participate in reforestation in their country.  
  
All in all, I believe that each issues has solutions to solve them. Water wasteful and deforestation can solve with saving water and contribute in reforestation program, not only government but all of people have responsibility to do it.
Wily, you should have double checked your essay topic prior to submitting your work to the forum for review. You have made a grave error by mistakenly placing the wrong response with the wrong prompt. In an actual test, this would garner you an automatic failing score of 1. There will not even be a review of the other scoring criteria in this case. Wrong prompt response show a carelessness on your part. It tells the examiner that you do not care about passing the test because you did not even bother to double check your response against the prompt.  
  
Now, I realize that you most likely typed up the essays in word and then just cut and paste it into the submission box here. That is alright. The problem, is that you were careless and sloppy when you submitted your work. Imagine how you would feel if this was the actual test and you did exactly that. It would be heartbreaking to fail just because you did not bother to double check the prompt. I don't think that will happen in the actual test because you will be writing one essay at a time into a single box. Just the same, I caution you about this mistake. Make sure that you counter check the response to the prompt. Otherwise, you will have wasted your time with these reviews. You will fail due to carelessness.
***What are the causes of water scarcity? What are your solutions**?*  
  
In modern, lots of people can acquire much information using internet. It is popularly believed that build libraries can spend much money. Personally, I believe totally agree with this statement because now, people live in advance technology and anything can obtain with internet especially information. This essay will first discuss about explanation of do not useful of libraries in a country then talk about information can we obtain easily with internet.  
  
To begin with, many issues must solve by government and it much money expenditure. Building libraries can spending of government finance. Whereas, owing to the fact that lots of people indolent to go to library because they can acquire knowledge in others. According to KK3MD research in Norwegian in 2013, 83 percent libraries unused due to rapid of developing technology since 1998. Consequently, libraries with luxury decoration just make government finance expenses and it not useful. Nonetheless, actually, library using to collect many old books that have lots of history and it became a historic relic that people do not obtain in internet but they can get in libraries.  
  
On the other hand, in advance technology like as now, people can easily to obtain much information wherever and whenever they want it. With reference to the latest Emerald research in 2014, all of kind information, such as International Journal or public knowledge in the world, 97 percent can we search using internet. As a result, people especially young adults do not need spend their time in library. However, sometimes people not able to read or download journal in internet because there are some journal that must pay before.  
  
All in all, as far as I am concerned, I totally agree if government only overheads much funds to build libraries, because almost all of people have hand phone with internet that can use to pursuit knowledge easily.
Wily, look at the prompt that you are responding to. Now, read the response that you read. Do you notice anything about it? Exactly, you are being asked to discuss about the scarcity of water. Your response is all about the usefulness of libraries. So there is a clear disconnection between the prompt requirement and your response. Your band score for this test will definitely be 1 overall. The main reason you will fail this test is because the response to the prompt that you wrote shows an answer that is completely unrelated to the task provided.  
  
Since you immediately failed the task accuracy part of the essay, you will not be graded on any other part. The reason for the automatic fail is the incorrect and unrelated response to the prompt.  
  
Next time, please review the prompt after you have written your response. Just to make sure that you delivered the proper response to the prompt. It would be such a waste of your time and talent if you failed the test based simply on a technicality.