dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## the biggest hallmark people are facing

  
  
In this day and age, the change in global climate patterns has been causing controversial issues among law-makers and the media. While there is an opinion questioning this ongoing status quo's affirmation, I believe that global warming needs tackling immediately by these departments and such a similar social problem like poverty could be addressed in the same time.  
  
It is evident that global warming has negative impacts on both the environment and our society. According to a recent survey, the average global temperature has increased approximately 2 degrees Celsius over the last 10 years. Consequently, it has been causing habitat loss which puts animals on the brink of extinction. In addition, that polar ice is gradually melting rises remarkably sea level over the world and puts low-lying areas at risk of being submerged. Moreover, an imbalance in climate patterns could lead to a lot of head-splitting social problems such as immigration, joblessness and poor living standard on a large scale.  
  
It is urgent to take steps to address simultaneously global warming and other comparable social problems. First and foremost, government should impose tax on greenhouse gases, disposal items, carbon emissions and strictly prohibit damaging human activities. Investment in technology, renewable energy or alternative resources is also an efficient solution. Besides, media plays an indispensable role in increasing the coverage of these burning issues in order to raise people's awareness, It can not only improve actual state but also assure sustainable economic growth for nations.  
  
To sum up, global warming can be regarded as the biggest hallmark people are facing. Government, media and individuals should share the responsibility to act for a better life in the future.
@tplinh  
Hello there.  
  
First and foremost, try to optimize your essay through merging altogether lines that are quite synonymous in terms of meaning. Doing this will enable you to have more space for substantive content that'll help you focus more on using techniques that will add depth to your essay, rather merely making mention repeatedly of random portions.  
  
Evade using repetitive words as well. If you can, opt to omit lines that are unnecessary in establishing content. Rather, focus on expanding your vocabulary throughout the entirety of the essay.  
  
For instance, let's take a look at your essay.  
  
... impacts on ~~both~~ the environment and ~~our~~ society. ... over the last ~~10 years~~ decade. Consequently, it has ~~been~~ caus~~ing~~ed habitat loss, putting animals ~~which puts animals~~ on the brink of extinction. ... gradually melting, resulting to a remarkable rise in sea levels over the world. ~~rises ... world and~~ This puts low-lying ... ... a lot of ~~head-splitting~~ social problems such as immigration, ~~joblessness~~ unemployment and poor living standards on a large scale.  
  
Always make sure that you are using academic or appropriate words. For instance, the formal term for joblessness would be *unemployment*. This means you should instead say the latter rather than the former. Establishing a firm academic tone is critical when you're writing long-form content.  
  
*Best of luck in your writing as always.*
What estimated score would I get, when I wrote this essay in TOEFL Writing Independent section?  
  
## choosing roommates

  
  
*Topic: You are going to have a new roommate next semester. Which of the following qualities is most important to you: a) cleanliness b) humorous c) politeness*  
  
Without a doubt, choosing roommates would be the most significant factor that massively affects students' college life in various way. Some people might think that the cleanliness would be the priority factors for selecting a new roommate, while others do not. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their views. However, if I had an opportunity to choose my opinion among these controversial arguments, I would rather like to say that the humorous would be the most valuable qualities when it comes to choosing a roommate. There are several remarkable reasons and examples as below.  
  
First of all, the humorous roommate will help me to learn the way of keeping good social interaction with others. Most of the students who are talented at being humorous are perfectly good at maintaining smooth social relationship with others. This is because their creative sense of humor allows them to be friendly with every people. For example, my sister, who was one of the popular students in my school, learned the ability to make others happy with only a few funny jokes and stories from her roommates every night. Even though she was not familiar with having a direct conversation with others before, she became a most notable student in the school after she taught the importance of humor by her roommates; eventually allowing her to be nominated as the best student of the year in school. Likewise, humorous roommates will help me to tightly build a social relationship with others.  
  
Moreover, it will good for me to maintain a healthy mental life during burdensome school life. Majority of the humorous students are tending to be active all the time, making others to be cheerful as well. This dynamic and positive energy that they possess will help me to get rid of all the stresses that derived from intricate problems. One of the cases that I experience that can support this claim was the day when my father was stressed out by his boss all day long. Even though he was in a bad mood at a cozy house, we performed humorous dances and comical plays with active gestures in order to make father happy. Before long, my father regained smile on his face. From that time, I recognized the power of humor and being active. The humor helps us to maintain positive energy in our lives as well as physical and mental health.  
  
In brief, I strongly believe that the advantage of choosing a humorous roommate is far outweighed its disadvantages for the reasons I have mentioned above. All in all, being part of humorous friends roommate would be the ever best choice to positively maintain our valuable lives.
@areis4ud  
Hello there.  
  
Firstly, I recommend that you optimize your sentences. Evade using lines that do not contribute to the overall depth of your essay.  
  
For instance, taking a look at your first paragraph, observe the following revisions:  
  
~~Without a doubt, c~~ Choosing ... ~~the~~ a ~~most~~ significant factor ~~that~~ massively affect~~s~~ing students' college life ~~in various way~~. ... that ~~the~~ cleanliness would be the priority ~~factors~~ ~~for~~ in selecting ... Both sides ~~may~~ have their own ... ~~However, i~~ If I had an ..., I would ~~rather like to~~ say that ~~the~~ humor~~ous~~ would be the most valuable qualit~~ies~~y when ~~it comes to~~ choosing a roommate. There are several ~~remarkable~~ reasons ~~and examples as below~~ for this.  
  
I would omit words that do not directly contribute to your essay, creating more dynamism in your writing. Notice how that's what I had done in the initial portions of the essay.  
  
Try to structure your essay with these guidelines more.  
  
Best of luck as always!
@pooria  
Hi there!  
  
I see that you're new to the forum. Welcome here!  
  
First and foremost, I think that the depth of your essay is sufficient. You were able to provide compelling evidences of your point of views, proving that you have quite a firm grip of the content of your essay. Bearing that in mind, I suggest that you try to incorporate writing techniques that'll enable you to have more structure and depth into your essay. My observation is that you were quite focused on over-explaining your lines, stretching out your arguments unnecessarily throughout the essay.  
  
For instance, let's take a look at the initial part your first paragraph and revise.  
  
..., ~~no~~ tasks cannot be done ... Collaboration ~~and having ... ideas~~ is an important factor ... in ~~succeeding~~ every group. Some are inclined towards the opinion ... and impact ~~on~~ the group's results.  
  
While it makes your essay appear complex, when working with essays that require depth and analysis, I suggest omitting words that are inessential.  
  
For instance, in your second paragraph, observe how this revision works:  
  
~~As the first..., i~~Firstly,if group members ... points ~~and advice~~, ~~all~~ members can ... and ~~their~~ experiences without ~~any~~ limitations; ~~thus,~~ they learn from each other and ~~develop their knowledge and~~ expand ~~their horizons~~ what they already know.  
  
Notice how when you're transitioning between sentences, there's no need for you to add a *thus* considering that you were already using the semi-colon (an indicator of a transition between connected lines).  
  
Keep these in mind as you are writing. I hope that I was able to help you.  
  
Best of luck in your endeavors!
## accept an obstacle or fight against it?

  
  
Bad situations are the spicy additives of our life time. Facing the challenge, there are two constant solutions : accept or fight against it. Me as a rather competitive person, trying to change the situation is casually my decision.  
  
Acceptance is the least loss option. People in the pursuant side choose to try acclimatizing themselves. As a result, there is no damage for the current beings but gradual adaption. However, familiarization with the situation means accepting the unfavorable circumstances and the decease of primary desire. Were people to lower their colors, no valuable development would be created.  
  
In the contrary, the other choice may bring more self- improvements for the human than acceptance. Conflict with the situation demands a strong-minded endurance and willing to face the responsibility. The possibility of success is measured and decided by the determination and ability of the fighter. Whether failure or triumph, the effort of changing the circumstances generally exchange for a wide range of eternal lessons and skills enhancement, which is the initial motivation of my decision.  
  
In brief, under no circumstances should both the solutions be underestimated. However, on account of valuable experience from trying to change the situation, it is highly recommended with the daily struggle life.
@camocrash  
Hello there!  
  
I see that you're new to the forum. Welcome here! I hope you get the information you need from here. I'll do my best to help you.  
  
First and foremost, be cautious of the forms of the words that you are using. Always refer back to your learning materials to ensure that you are misusing the words in your essay. That being said, a good way to evade this concern is to simplify your language. I'm not saying that you should remove all the complex synonymous terms - rather, you can incorporate more phrases that are academic rather than merely outright. If you can master this, you'll be able to optimize your essay.  
  
Let's take a look at your essay in detail. While the opening sentence was quite innovative and creative, it surely was unable to incorporate the actual thesis statement that you should have been establishing from the get-go.  
  
What you can do is a line that runs along:  
  
*Obstacles have two solutions: accepting or fighting against it. The essay will discuss why we should overcome these circumstances to challenge ourselves.*  
  
Evade ingraining too personalized opinions in your essay. This will reduce the overall quality of your discussion, considering that you should be an observant with an extensive analysis of the situation. While these personal accounts may help you extend arguments that you are making, they shouldn't be the core of your content.  
  
Watch out for your usage of preposition as well (ie. in your third paragraph, it should be *"on the contrary"* and using *in*).  
  
Likewise, be cautious of the forms of words that you are using. For instance, in the same paragraph as the preceding correction, the second sentence should be rewritten as:  
  
Conflict ~~with the situation~~ demands ~~a~~ strong-minded endurance and the willingness to face ~~the~~ responsibility.  
  
Best of luck in your writing!
**People should be responsible for the pollution problems caused by transportation, while others think the government should be held accountable. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.**  
  
Nowadays, pollution to the environment is increasing at alarming rate throughout the world and there is number of serious factors affecting to this cause. One of the main factors to contribute the air pollution is the transportation. Some people argue that individuals should have responsibility for pollutions caused by their cars, while others hold a different opinion saying the government should handle this issue. However, ignoring the individual's responsibility for air pollution is not correct, I think government should introduce regulations to reduce the pollution from vehicles.  
  
As some people say, the pollution from cars could be reduced by giving responsibility to the owner. In order to reduce the air pollution, people should not use the cars which omit much pollution to the air comparing to other environment friendly transportation types. If people feel their responsibility to keep the environment clean and safe, they would not prefer to use the cars. Unfortunately, most people do not care about the impacts from cars to the environment, therefore, some people consider that governments should take this into a considerable account.  
  
To reduce the air pollution from vehicles, governments should introduce some major steps to reduce cars which omit high pollution to the air. One of the steps to reduce air pollution from cars is to decrease the numbers of cars people use. In order to achieve to this goal, government should encourage people to use an environment friendly transportation types. Also, governments should require car owners to pay tax for their responsibility to the air pollution. In some countries, for example in my country, this regulation is started being used in practice.  
  
In conclusion, air pollution becomes a danger for everyone. Therefore, to reduce the air pollution related to human activity, such as pollution from transportation, governments should take some important steps such as collecting tax from cars and promoting people to use environment friendly transportation.
@otgon  
Hi there!  
  
I would firstly suggest that you try to integrate writing techniques that will make your sentences simpler and yet more structured. Having an appropriate structure is critical to make sure that you have an integral technique that will allow you to expound your thoughts in a smoother manner. That being said, focus on having a formal approach to your essay. Accomplishing this is essential for you to curate content.  
  
If you feel as though a particular phrase or line can be trimmed down, opt to do so. Doing this will force you to optimize the space you have in your essay.  
  
Let's take a look at your first paragraph in line with this.  
  
Nowadays, ~~pollution to the~~ environmental pollution is increasing at an alarming ... world; ~~and~~ there ~~is~~ are ~~number of~~ numerous ~~serious~~ factors affecting ~~to~~ this ~~cause~~. ... factors ~~to~~ contribut~~e~~ing to ~~the~~ air pollution ... ... for the pollution~~s~~ caused by ... others ~~hold a different opinion saying the~~ think the government should ...  
  
Notice how there were better ways to phrase things (ie. environmental pollution instead of pollution to the environment) that ultimately save you space in your essay. Doing this will help you add more depth as well as you are able to explain more.  
  
This is also a prevalent observation in the latter parts of your essay. Consider this portion:  
  
~~In order t~~To achieve ~~to~~ this goal, ... to use ~~an~~ environment friendly transportation ~~types~~.  
  
Notice how there was no need for you to mention that they're *"environmentally friendly types"* because environmentally friend is already a descriptive phrase - and it was already quite obvious and given that it was the direction of the meaning that you were trying to portray.  
  
Best of luck in your writing as always.
## How kids commute to schools

  
  
TOPIC:  
The chart below shows the number of trips made by children in one country in 1990 and 2010 to travel to and from school using different modes of transport. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.  
  
MY ESSAY:  
  
The bar chart demonstrates the number of trips taken by children between the age of 5 to 12 in one country in 1990 and 2010 respectively. It also shows the transportation modes that children take when travel from and to school.  
  
In 1990, the majority of children go to school and back home by walking. It has more than 12 million and nearly a double of all the other transportation modes. Car passenger, cycling, walking and bus, and bus are relatively less popular. None of these modes has more than 8 million.  
  
The phenomenon was very different in the year of 2010. Car passenger has sky rocketed from around 4 million to more than 11 million. In contrast, walking, cycling, walking and bus, and bus decreased significantly. It is worthy to notice that the number of children who go to and from school by walking and cycling dropped by more than half.  
  
In general, it can be observed that the pattern transportation mode has undergone significant changes, with car passenger has become more popular.  
  
---------------------------------------------  
please help me to mark my essay and give me some feedback with a band score.  
  
thanks!!!!  
  
*   
*bar chart*
@chanyinyui  
You can add "Looking at the given bar chart, it is obvious that" in the first of paragraph 2 to make your writting longer and more coherent  
  
Paraphrase some word from the given topic:  
- children = offspring  
- the number of = the amount of  
- in 1990 to 2010 = in a period of 1 year starting in 1990  
It's just my point of view :))
Personally, i would give it a 5.5 band. There are a lot of words have been used already. You have a synonym for modes like means for example.  
  
"Car passenger has sky rocketed from around 4 million to more than 11 million". This makes me confused because it was not clear and specific. If you write it like that. People would think that car passenger has been produced alot, you know what i mean? So that's it. I'm just a student who gives my personal point about your essay so it's not really accurate or assure anything that i'm right  
  
So... good luck and hope you do better in the future :)
Dear chanyinyui,  
  
For this essay, I suggest some points:  
1. Pay attention to your tenses. The statistics in this chart were collected in 1990 and 2010, so you should use the past tense instead of the present tense.  
  
2. I think it should be "passenger car'', not "car passenger". "Car passenger has sky rocketed ..." should be written as "the number of trips by car skyrocketed from around 4 million to more than 11 million".
## We are more dependent on each other or not?

  
  
*Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.*  
  
In this prosperous generation, technology is progressing every day that makes our life more wonderful. Some people consider that this advance will make us to rely on each other more frequently, while others don't think so. However, the answer is mainly relies on a variety of factors, so in my opinion, we will become more independently due to the advancement of the world.  
  
Indeed, modern society we live now probably will make us need others help desperately. For example, through the Internet, we can chat with each other conveniently any time no matter where you are, even can make a video call. Therefore, we can get more connection with friends, know more details about them, making us more and more dependent. Once without the advance of the network, people would not be able to play online games, chat on Facetime, and follow their friends on Instagram, resulting in unfamiliar between each other.  
  
However, people who think that technology will make us dependent ignore some factors. People will become more independent because they will go lazy and lose chances to meet people in the real world. People can do anything without stepping out of the door, such as eating at home through ordering pizza, learning the online channel, entertaining through online games or Netflix, and even watching doctor in their home. My roommate, for instance, didn't go out of his door for a week, eating cookies inside his room and using a computer to do anything what he wants.  
  
In conclusion, despite that people have different attitude toward this issue, I believe that the more convenient our life is, the more independent will people be.  
  
Thanks for your help :)
Hi @bearch5  
If we depend on Internet in all aspects of our lives, then how is it possible for us to be independent? I think, you have to find stronger reasons in order to support your view. For example,"the internet provides a wide range of opportunities for education and self-improvement. Everyone can have an access to knowledge just by one click, not depending on their social background or financial conditions.This makes us less and less conditioned by our environment." You can also mention the benefit of the technological advances to the people with physical disabilities.
@lilypad  
First and foremost, I think that the essay needs a bit of work when it comes to the overall organization of thoughts. While I think that the way in which you have written is well-composed, the structure and flow needs to be polished. Having a direction, for instance, of the way that you want your thoughts to flow would generally help. What I have observed is that the composition is cluttered due to the lack of sketch. For example, if the second paragraph starts with explaining educational and economic gaps between the major cities, you can already begin to explain how Suzhou and Shanghai would be assisted through this. Start to explain how these two cities differ. Your concrete examples were focused in a vacuum in the third paragraph; redistributing them would help you create more depth in the initial parts while attempting to balance everything else.  
  
Secondly, I highly suggest that you try to incorporate more specifics in your details. For instance, right from the bat in the first paragraph, it would be beneficial if you can showcase how specifically these cities have become the centers for arts, sciences, politics, and historical civilization. You can explain how they carried out cultural trademarks that have assisted a centered and *"vacuum-sort"* of growth in the cities. Why have countries specifically focused on developing these commercialized areas because of the background of the cities? What makes them truly special? Having more in-depth content and assessment of the situation would help you curate larger thoughts that'll help you in the long-run.  
  
Lastly, the conclusion needs a little bit more work. Your overall remarks on how these cities are non-representative of the society neglects the arguments that you have made in the preceding paragraphs. What I would suggest is attempting to be more integrative with your analyses. With the examples you have given with regards to China, how exactly do you wish to go about representing the entire country? How have these examples helped you nurture your understanding of why major cities have to be studied? Be more directive and targeted with your concluding remarks.  
  
Best of luck as always.