dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Fiza, you did not understand the prompt. When a discussion about socioeconomics is called into play, you are asked to consider the expense of having to preserve nature against the amount of money that it takes to develop the society that we live in. For example, if a country spends 50 million on building roadways, hospitals, schools, and other social necessities for humans, one can say that the country is spending the money properly on socioeconomics. However, there is still a need to preserve nature in the sense that it brings a balance to the life of man on the planet. However, in order to protect the forests and endangered species of animals, the government would have to spend 100 million on nature and wildlife preservation. Do you think that is an equal amount of spending on the social and natural demands of living? The socioeconomic aspect of the discussion should be looked at and reviewed along those lines. The expense of one when compared to the cost of the other. Since world economics proves to be quite difficult to maintain these days, is it still proper to spend additionally on wildlife preservation? That is the discussion that you have to present. It is about dollars and cents. Not about ways and means of preserving animal habitats.
**These days people pay more attention to artists (writers, painters, and so on) and give less importance to science and technology.  
To what extent do u agree or disagree?**  
  
People start following artists like writers, painters or actors because are popular. Although sciences and technologies were able to reach important milestones over the last two decades. Likewise, they have famous people. I disagree that science and technologies are treated as less important.  
  
The increase in popularity related to artists is associated with several reasons. Prestigious academics recognized the talent and effort that artists have. For example, Academic awards like Oscar hosts every year in the United Stat and have an enormous audience around the world. Another reason would be the salary. Talented people deserve earn a good salary this is depend on their popularity and talent. A good actor can make a lot of money just for only one movie. In this regard, people decide to become an actor in order to earn well-paid salary. Finally, most artists gain quick popularity across the globe. A movie can be seen in many countries and actors are become celebrities. Therefore, for the all reasons mentioned above people draw their attention to artists.  
  
On the other hand, science and technologies have reached several milestones because skilled people have developed a variety of inventions. The inventions of the first system operation like Windows if Bill Gates had not spent his live in developing such technology, many people would not have computers. In addition, the inventions of internet, these days this technology has influenced in the way people living. Therefore, many people have also want to do something and put their attention towards technology develop. In terms of science, the healthcare is also growing faster in developing medicines that can cure common diseases. People are aware of the advancements of healthcare and start investigating and doing something about it.  
  
In conclusion. I disagree that science and technology have less popularity and importance. Despite their remarkable achievements, people are still draw their attention towards science and technology  
  
Please help cheers
Hi, you say that you disagree that science and technology are treated as less important, but then you spend a whole paragraph stating how much people are concerned with artists. This paragraph does not really contribute to your thesis that science is given just as much importance.  
  
Also, when you talk about artists, you are mainly talking about actors. I don't know if actors should really be considered artists, at least in the sense that the prompt is using the word. Plus, the Oscar awards are not really academic awards, even though they are given by an academy.  
  
Here are some specific changes I would make:  
  
writers, painters or actors because they are are popular.  
  
technologies have been able to  
  
two decades, likewise have famous people.  
  
academics recognize the talent  
  
like the Oscars are bestowed every year  
  
Talented people deservedly earn a good salary this is dependent on their popularity  
  
people decide to become actors in order to earn well-paid salaries.  
  
actors have become celebrities.  
  
The inventions of the first system operation like Windows {this phrase is very confusing to me}  
  
Bill Gates had not spent his life in developing  
  
In addition, regarding the invention of the internet,  
  
influenced ~~in~~ the way people are living.  
  
have also wanted to do something  
  
and put their attention towards developing technology.
Tello, your whole approach to the essay is wrong. You did not understand the instruction sentence at the end that asked you to signify the "extent" of your agreement or disagreement with the essay. The extent is signified by words such as "I strongly oppose", "I strongly agree", "I partially agree", "I partially disagree", "I completely agree", "I completely disagree" at the end of your paraphrased opening statement. Then the second paragraph should indicate the reason why your opinion is such and the next 2 paragraphs should support the statement you just made. That is, unless you said "partly" in which case the 4th paragraph should explain the opposing reasons before you present your concluding paragraph. Since you did not accurately respond to the task instructions for the discussion, the essay that you presented became erroneous in content. That will be main reason why your essay will also receive a failing score. The minute you do not accurately represent the TA section, your essay cannot be deemed to be correct in discussion format and therefore, cannot be given a passing score. The minute that you failed to place an extent description in your thesis statement, the essay already failed.
**Question:** *Modern technology now allows rapid and uncontrolled access to and exchange of information.  
Far from being beneficial, this is a danger to our society.  
What are your views?*  
**Task:** *Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.*  
  
## Modern technology and information exchange

  
  
In this technological era, rapid development of new technology has made our personal information being revealed easily. News headlines such as " A 25-year-olds lady lost $2000000 through her bank account, which is believed to be due to personal information disclosure." can often be seen. It is therefore my strong conviction that the advanced technology would bring more harm than good to our society.  
  
My stance could be attributed to two main reasons. The first point to be noted is that the users of the devices are anonymous. They could simply get access to our personal accounts and plagiarize our information by their sophisticated computing skills. In fact, we, however, know nothing about who are "reading our minds", let alone finding out that there is even a guy screening our information. For instance, the Americans were shocked that all of their messages sent and received and calls they made have constantly been recorded. Despite not committing any crime, we would still find this offensive. Our "data" should be respected and privately protected, but not stolen and supervised.  
  
Apart from the unknown stealers, the enhanced technology may also give rise to fights and wars.Undeniably, food, oil, land, fame, and fortune are all we would compete for, competitions therefore arise within individuals and groups. We would figure out the weaknesses of our opponents through accessing to their Intranet in a bid to triumph in the battles. Take China as an example. Countries begin to be aware of her as Chinese may have been behind the WannaCry ransomware, which may attack them soon. Thus, I am still in favor of the view that the fast-developing technology would adversely affect social harmony.  
  
Judging from the above, it is obvious that permitting our information to be exchanged uncontrollably is not a good thing to our society.
Hazy, when you create your opening statement, you need to align your presentation with the original prompt. That means, you only relate, in your own words, the meaning of the original prompt and the discussion instructions. You do not create your own sensationalist statement that deviates from the original presentation. Since this is your first post here, I can understand why you would make such a mistake. Let me show you how this opening statement should have been properly represented:  
  
*These days, people have been given unprecedented access to an open exchange and access to information. People believe that this is the result of the benefits stemming from modern technology. There are some people though who believe that this sort of uncontrolled access to information could result in a danger to our society. I share the same point of view and in this essay, I will be presenting information that will help to support my opinion.*  
  
You have to remember that the Task Accuracy score will be based upon your accurate representation of the original prompt. When you do not present a clear paraphrasing of that section, you could score a 1 in this section, which will result in a failed overall score. Make sure that you stick to the formula for the presentation in order to get an appropriate score. I am sure your tutor will teach you how to do this in the classes that you attend in preparation for the test. My sample applies only to this particular essay.  
  
Now, when you mention your reasons by using numerical references, make sure to continue that throughout the essay. You said "The first point..." in the second paragraph. So the third paragraph should have started with "The second point..." or "The last point..." since you only presented 2 reasons in the essay. Be consistent in your presentation because that will be part of the GRA scoring considerations.  
  
You need to learn to develop appropriate concluding paragraphs. That paragraph cannot be presented in only a single line or sentence. It is important that you use the last paragraph to present your ability to further paraphrase and summarize the essay information that you provided. The concluding paragraph should contain a restatement of the prompt, the discussion instructions, your reasons, and finally, a closing sentence reiterating your personal opinion on the matter.
## Topic: Learning History

  
  
*You should spend about 40 minutes on this task  
To some people studying the past has little value in the modern world. Why do you think it is important to do so? What will be the effect if children are not taught history ?*  
  
Nowadays, an increasing number of people are concerned about the benefits of studying the past in schools. More specifically, whether history can be substituted by other significant subjects is a controversial issue. Personally, I think it is not wise choice to replace history by other subjects for many reasons.  
  
First of all, studying history is not restricted to what happened in the past, but also with regard to the valuable human experiences. By this I mean, if people know the mistakes that had been done and caused in the past, they will avoid doing the same mistakes again. Take Vietnam as an example, that is, Vietnamese people fought a lot of wars in the past, but now they live peacefully because of some valued experienced that occurred years ago.  
  
Besides, studying the past of other nations could give the opportunity in terms of knowing more about their society. This would help in boosting friendship bonding between different countries.  
  
Moreover, children are the people who lead the world in the future, so they should prepare for this role. Basically, the knowledge which children acquire from history is one of the most important sources for their understanding of human society and other fields such as science. It is more likely that history can give a good information about the development of some inventions which could really helpful for inventors in the present of future.  
  
To recapitulate, it is undeniable that history plays a vital role in our human society because of its useful experience. Things happened in the past either positive or negative, we still benefit those in the best way.  
  
Can you guys correct my grammar, vocabulary and give me an estimated score ? That 'd be amazing
Hoang, you misunderstood the prompt requirement. You are not discussing the correct information based upon the original prompt presentation. Your overall score for this essay will be 1 because of the obvious inability to understand English instructions. Here is the correct prompt restatement and subsequent start of the body of paragraphs in relation to the original prompt.  
  
*There are a number of people who believe that studying history does not pose any benefits to the students of today. I, on the other hand, believe that there is still a significant importance and value to the study of history. It is my belief that there will be negative effects upon the children of today if they do not learn about their past in the form of history lessons. In this essay, I will explain 3 negative effects that can occur if the young students of today are prevented from becoming familiar with historical facts and figures.  
  
For starters, a negative effect of the lack of history teaching can be seen in...  
  
Additionally, if a student is prevented from such learning...  
  
Considering that the study of history helps to prevent...  
  
These are the reasons why I concluded that the lack of historical study can result in...*  
  
Compare what you wrote with the format I provided and you will easily see the prompt deviation on your part that resulted in a mistaken prompt discussion. It is important that you understand the prompt before you even begin to draft the essay. I cannot repeat this instruction often enough to the reviewers here. Always ask questions when you don't understand the prompt. You have the chance to improve your English comprehension skills while you are still reviewing so take advantage of the situation. If you don't then you will risk receiving a failing score during the actual test.
## Fairtrade coffee and banana sale

  
  
The table illustrates the comparisons among the sales of two Fairtrade-labelled goods, coffee and banana, in five different countries- including the UK, Switzerland, Denmark, Belgium and Sweden- in 1999 and 2004.  
  
From 1999 to 2004, the sales of the Fairtrade-labelled coffee soared in all five countries, while the sales of the Fairtrade-labelled bananas increased in only three of the countries, excluding Sweden and Denmark.  
  
Taking a closer look at the table discribing the coffee sale, we could discover that the number of growth of the coffee in the UK outweighed that in other countries, increased twenty times during the five years. The sales in Switzerland marks the second high, climbed to 6 millions of euros in 2004, from 3 millions of euro in 1999. However, contrasted with the high growth of sales in the UK and Switzerland, the sales of the Fairtrade-labelled coffee in Denmark, Belgium and Sweden increased slightly-0.2 millions, 0.7 millions and 0.2 millions of euros respectively.  
  
The other table indicates that the sales of the Fairtrade-labelled bananas in the UK and Switzerland rose considerably from 1999 to 2004, namely 4.5 millions and 32 millions of euros. Surprisingly, the sales in the UK soared more than 5 times during the five-year-period. Nevertheless, the sales of the other two countries, Sweden and Denmark, declined moderately throughout the five years.  
  
*   
*this is the question of writing task 1.*
Lee, your essay is lacking an accurate overview of the information provided in the essay. The trending statement is not very accurately presented as it does not include any supporting information within it. Let me put it this way, the most accurate way of representing the opening statement of your essay would have been to provide the expected information in the summary overview. The summary overview can be included in any section of the essay. However, most test takers have found that it would be better for your TA score if you provide an accurate summary and discussion outline within the first paragraph of the essay. The information in that paragraph should be based upon the discussion topic and outline as supplied in the original prompt. A more accurate representation that could increase your score from the very first paragraph is as follows:  
  
*Two tables were provided for comparison and analysis in this essay. The products indicated for this purpose were coffee and bananas. The information showcases the sales of the two aforementioned Fairtrade items in 1999 and 2004 from the countries of UK, Denmark Switzerland, Belgiuim, and Sweden. This summary report shall indicate relevant information and comparison points whenever required.*  
  
Notice how the paraphrase of the original prompt was completed in an accurate manner with the incorporation of advanced English vocabulary and complex sentences. Presentations such as these indicate a higher level of understanding of the required essay elements and will result in a higher TA score. Once you get a high score in your TA presentation, the rest of the criteria will most likely also be score on a similar higher scale.  
  
In this instance, a trending presentation is not important as there are different trending considerations to be presented. However, since you do have a trending statement in your original presentation, then that should have been presented towards the end of the report, with an accurate 3 sentence minimum development for a complete paragraph presentation.
Joyce, there is no risk or ethical dilemma in this essay that you wrote. This is in fact, an essay that does not belong to this prompt. Maybe you would like to consider changing it to one of the other common app prompts? I would suggest changing the prompt from this current one to the following:  
  
*Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.*  
  
The reason that I asked you to consider this prompt first is because of the "background" reference. I believe that this story will safely show off a background in relation to yourself and your family that the other prompt requirements may not have allowed you share. If you don't feel comfortable using the prompt I presented, or, if you would just rather use the open topic essay for this written work then go ahead and do that. You will just have to come up with your own prompt requirement in relation to your written essay though. Whichever prompt you choose to use between the two that I suggested will work for the essay that you developed.
@Holt  
Hi, I considered your advice and drafted a new response to be the prompt. I would appreciate some feedback. Thanks!  
(By the way, this is for the QuestBridge National College Match Application, not for the Common App. Sorry for any confusion)  
  
"The answer is not -2, and I will prove it to you."  
I was the only junior sitting among a sea of seniors in my third period Algebra 2 class, when a World War III broke out between me and another student. Our class was learning how to use matrices to solve a system of equation, and as we were reviewing the assignment from the previous night, one exercise elicited a heated debate. One girl, along with more than half the class, resulted with -2 as the final answer, while a handful of others, myself included, ended up with -1. The teacher's edition of the textbook was known to be erroneous at times, so to reach a final verdict, our teacher had the two of us display our work on the board. I was the youngest in the class, therefore to some of the students, my credibility was tainted. However, I was confident that my answer was correct since I had confirmed it algebraically and graphically. Ignoring the judging stares, I walked up to the chalk board and laid out my work with a step-by-step explanation. As I returned to my seat, I waited for a unified "Ohhhh" from the class, but the only words that broke the silence were: "You forgot the negative sign for the first equation."  
  
I could almost hear my pride shatter. Turns out, my answer was right for the equations I had copied down, but the correct answer for the exercise in the book was indeed -2.  
  
Although that moment made it to the top of my "Most Embarrassing Moments" list, it was one that highlighted my courage to take the risk to challenge the status quo rather than succumb to it. Instead of letting that moment induce a phobia for failure, I became an even more avid participant in class discussions and the first to raise a hand to answer a complicated math problem, despite the chance of being wrong. By the end of my junior year, I received the Award of Excellence for Algebra II. It was not my average that made me a candidate for the award; it was the hours I spent studying a confusing theory and the after-school sessions of inquiring my math teacher on a math problem I did not understand. From that day, I extracted a crucial life lesson that has shaped me into the student and person I am today. I learned that achievements are not the sole factors that foster growth and development, rather it is acceptance to failure and openness to mistakes.
1. Cost can be reduced drastically.  
2. Furthermore, the number of staff required working at the office would be much smaller and the employer would manage the staff more easy.  
  
**note:**the "them" mistake- pronoun issue: refer to what?? the pronoun 'them' would refer to the Antecedent in the sentence, usually the subject of the sentence, and the subject in your sentence is 'the number'. So it is not you intended meaning of the sentence.
Renzo, your statement has time reference issues. It appears that you are using a future tense voice in the discussion related to telecommuting. As such, you need to be consistent and present all of your time related words in its past format. Therefore, this statement should have been written as:  
  
*Telecommuting allows employers to cut costs. These costs could be drastically reduced once the employer rents a small office. The smaller space is logical since the employer will have fewer office staff. Less equipment will also be required for the daily operations. It will be easier to manage such a company size due to the minimal working staff required to run the office.*  
  
You need to be clear about the timeline you are writing about. In this essay, there was a tendency for the reader to be confused because you mixed up the past, present, and future tenses of your references. That can easily be avoided by first deciding on the timeline that the essay will be presenting and then writing the essay in that reference format.