dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hi, I think you did a good job. I am not sure exactly what the assignment is, but you gave a pretty good summary of the story and your thoughts on it. Here are some specific suggestions:  
  
I did not show any signs of interest in the story when {better to say "the story showed no signs of interesting me ..."}  
  
flashed back to fifteen years [before].  
  
... aged five-and-twenty {why not "twenty-five"?}  
  
over whether [the] death penalty  
  
banker that he [could] stay in ...  
  
would get [two million dollars/pounds/marks] from the banker  
  
more knowledgeable than he would have [been].  
  
the bet was so ridiculous and stupid [that] I believe ...  
  
wasted [the] best fifteen years  
  
the things that we are doing [are] meaningless,  
  
unique feature in [their] future leading to success
Question: *Academic achievement at school or university is the only true measure of a person's intelligence. To what extent do you agree or disagree?*  
  
## intelligence and study

  
  
Answer:  
The question of how to evaluate the smart ability of people remains a source of controversy. While I agree that academic results at school or university may be a manner to measure people's intelligence, I would argue that this manner is not the unique method, and there are various manners to assess the intelligent ability of people.  
  
On the one hand, it is certain that learning result in school may be used to evaluate well people about intelligence. Subjects are designed to develop cognitive ability of students in the variety of aspects. For example, studying mathematics may help learners in logical thinking while learning literature may develop memorization and imagination capacity. Therefore, undergoing a long period learning, students may express all their clever ability. Besides, examinations could measure accurately the process learning of people. Hence, academic results might reflect the cognitive ability of people during the long time. As a result, these results should be considered as an apparent measure in evaluating people's intelligence.  
  
On the other hand, a growing number of researches have showed that there are numerous forms of potential intelligence, which are not evaluated by academic results, and I only suggest two forms of intelligence which are leadership and physical body. Actually, a number of leaders have not good results in schools. For example, Jack Ma, CEO of Alibaba, who had three times failing entrance examinations of university, is still seen as an extremely clever leader thanks to the achievements in business. Another aspect is smart athletes. They play sports with thinking rather than physical strength, even in sports having strongly physical requirement such as football. Xavi Hernader, a football player, for instance, was seen as brain of Spain and FC Barcelona football teams. He is always considered as one of the most intelligent players in football although there is no guarantee that he has a good academic achievement.  
  
Admittedly, the academic result may be considered as a necessary measure to assess intelligent ability of people. However, from my perspective, we need a comprehensive assessment on the results which they gain in their life.
This is ambiguous writing... to me, you are lacking in nearly all boxes  
  
1. Lexical Resource = repetition of words, you need better vocabulary and structure  
2. Task Achievement = essay does not have a clear set of objective  
3. Grammar = there are many issues, sentences are not structured properly  
4. Coherence = well they are not connected properly, the topic is not developed enough.  
  
So all in all, an average piece for me 65 out of 100 or 6.0 bands out of 9.0 bands.
*Does the advent of internet change the role of teacher? To what extent do you agree?*  
  
## the importance of teachers in internet era

  
  
In the tech savvy era, some argue that the existence of technologies like Internet may have altered the role that teachers play. While Internet has definitely its place in the society, teachers should not be marginalized as they still play an important role in supporting their students mentally. Therefore, I partially agree with the statement and so will be pleased to discuss these two reasons in more details.  
  
On the one hand, Internet has allowed individuals to study and learn at home at their convenience which means they no longer have to attend classes to acquire new knowledge. This is not at all surprising, considering that Internet has made any kind of information accessible to the vast majority of people. For example, David, one of my friends, believe it is not necessary for students to communicate face to face with their teachers to learn and understand new concepts and principles.  
  
On the other hand, Internet can never replace teachers entirely in the sense that it cannot motivate and encourage its users to learn. Just like students, teachers are human beings and they are capable of motivating and persuading their pupils to explore and acquire new knowledge. For instance, most of my friends find it arduous to self-study online as although they have access to all the relevant and accurate materials, it is relatively tedious to study on their own; most of them would rather have their teachers explaining new ideas to them instead of looking at the monitor.  
  
Having discussed the importance of both teachers and internet, it can be concluded that teachers still have a place in this society. In other words, the development of Internet has not impacted the role of teachers to a great extent. Consequently, I only agree with this statement to a small extent.
This is good writing... to me, you have ticked all boxes  
  
1. Lexical Resource  
2. Task Achievement  
3. Grammar  
4. Coherence  
  
In the first paragraph, you have given an overview of the topic and presented you thesis successfully.  
in the second paragraph. you have given Topic sentence and example and then discussed it or concluded it.  
in the third paragraph, you did the same as in the second.  
in the fourth and last, you paraphrased you discussion and concluded it with the point of agreement.  
  
So all in all, a Good piece for me 80 out of 100 or 7.5 bands out of 9.0 bands.
Question:  
*People believe that they should be able to keep all the money they earn and should not pay tax to the state.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?*  
  
## No use from this tax..

  
  
Nowadays, some people say an ability to save their money they earn and should not pay tax to the government is a thing that must be owned by everyone. I absolutely agree with this trends.  
  
Firstly, a lot of people who lived in a village where there are not good facility also must pay tax. Farmers pay tax for electricity, water, land, and the other stuff. Some countryside does not develop to be better. There is no road to link every village but actually in the case is, they have to pay the tax. If village people save their money in a bank or in a cooperation, they can use it in the future. They able to plan what they can do for other local business. For example, my uncle is a farmer who always obeys the regulations to pay tax to the state. Whereas, he does not receive a profit from the government. Conversely, the cost to sell their yields is cheap. The result, most of the people chose not to pay tax because of there is no reciprocity.  
  
Secondly, a great number of people in a town where there are so many wealthies not obey the regulation of tax. The people who have big earn only pay tax which is same with people who lived in the village. Furthermore, in the city centre have many good facilities and easy to find jobs. Some rich people forget to pay tax for a lot of years and government not indict for the faulting. For example, lots of officials in my town only pay tax for one million whereas they have many house, cars, and expensive goods. This situation is not a justice for all citizens. As a result, some people argue better not to pay the tax.  
  
To sum up, people should be able to save their money what they earn in jobs and should not pay tax to the state. I certainly agree with this situations.
Dear Polin\_Togatorop,  
  
There is something you may want to consider further here.  
  
"Some people say an ability to save ..." => This sentence is grammatically incorrect because the part "should not pay tax" does not have an appropriate subject.  
  
It is also better to consider formal style in which "stuff" should not be used.  
"The result, most of the people ..." "The result" cannot be a linking device. "Because" should be used before a clause while "because of" is used before a noun.  
  
Thank you!
**You recently read an article in newspaper about someone you know personally. You found some information is wrong.  
Write a letter to editor to inform him about it.  
Use following points:  
\* What is the article about?  
\* What is the error?  
\*what you expect an editor to do ?**  
  
Dear Sir/Madam  
I am writing you to inform you about an error in your "Famous musicians " article of your newspaper. It has been published three days ago .  
  
The article was talking about Michael Prous, who is a close friend and colleague, and his journey in the music world from the beginning of his journey. It also included some personal details about his wife and children and their ambitions in life.  
  
I noticed a mistake the writer did regarding his journey in the music profession. He indicated that he started playing piano at the age of 10, while the truth was he started recognizing notes and studying them at the age of 5. He is a great genius with an intuitive musical sense.  
  
I believe that you will consider my request to edit this information. As you are a popular newspaper and a reference to many new young people, such mistake must be a priority to be fixed.  
  
Looking forward to hearing about the new updates .  
  
Yours faithfully.  
  
Amal Taha
## exercising willingness among different groups of people

  
  
The bar chart describes the proportions of Australian male and female who engaged in physical activity on a regular basis in six different age groups in the year 2010.  
  
Overall, Male tended to show more interests in older age groups, while female had less. However, both sexes showed some variations on taking part of a regular exercise over the age groups.  
  
Male aged 15-24 who regularly participated in working out accounted for 52.8%, which was more than a half, being higher than female's proportion of participants to regular exercise. However, the interest showed the downward trend, occupied 42.2% and 39.5% respectively in the age between 25 and 44. Male experienced a slight upward trend from between 45 and 54 to the oldest group aged 65 and over. The youngest female group comprised 47.7%, steadily showing the increase in 45-54 age group, reaching 53.3%. Female had the least interest in physical activity on a regular basis in the oldest group aged between 65 and over.  
  
The difference of level of interest in a regular exercise was approximately 5%, which male participated in exercise more. However, although the differences had some fluctuations according to ages, women outraced the proportions of men working out on a regular basis in the age between 25 and 65 and over.  
  
(210)  
  
Question: upward trend, fluctuations these are only able to use when comparing periods? And is it okay to write more than 200 words in Task1?  
I am an absolute beginner of Ielts so there might be a lot of mistakes also grammar as well. I will be very happy if you can give me any advise, even small grammar mistakes. :)))  
  
*
Hi, I think writing more than 200 words is fine and is probably necessary to provide enough detail to get a top score. I agree that trend and fluctuations really only makes sense when talking about changes over time, not in a static context like this. Overall, your report seemed difficult to understand with many confusing sentences. Here are some specific suggestions:  
  
of Australian [men and women] [ in six different age groups] who ... on a regular basis ~~in six different age groups~~ in the year 2010.  
  
Overall, [males] tended to show more interests in older age groups, {this is confusing and I think incorrect - what do you mean? The youngest group of men exercised the most. }  
  
... showed some variations [in] taking part [in] regular exercise  
  
[Males] aged 15-24 ... accounted for 52.8%, {this is incorrect - only use "accounted for" when you are talking about a total of 100% which is made up of various percentages - like "apples accounted for 33% of all the fruit sold"} which was more than ~~a~~ half, being higher  
  
However, the interest showed [ a] downward trend, {I would only use "trend" for data that changes over time, which is not really the case here} occupied 42.2% ...  
  
The youngest female group comprised 47.7%, {47.7% of what? this is unclear to me}  
  
The difference of level (...) age between 25 and 65 and over. {this whole paragraph could be more clear. Maybe "In every age group apart from the youngest, women pursued regular exercise at a higher rate than men."  
  
(210)  
  
Question: upward trend, fluctuations these are only able to use when comparing periods? And is it okay to write more than 200 words in Task1?  
I am an absolute beginner of Ielts so there might be a lot of mistakes also grammar as well. I will be very happy if you can give me any advise, even small grammar mistakes. :)))
## sensational journalism

  
  
Today, I would like to focus on media topic. I was just reading a breaking news before I ate my breakfast. I usually up to the minutes for newspaper which many stale news.  
  
I though that many editorial police have not seen good views. Therefore, they have been falling circulation which they sold each day. Maybe, they need a celebrity endorsement for their journal, news and advertising. I realized that they focused on sensational journalism too much which did not help building brand on top.  
  
P/s: Thank you for your help.
Today, I would like to focus on [the topic of the media].  
  
a breaking news [article] before I ate  
  
I usually [stay] up to the [minute] for newspaper ... {this sentence is very confusing - maybe "I usually stay up the the minute by reading the newspaper and avoiding stale news."  
  
I [thought] that many editorial police have not ... {this is confusing also - what are "editorial police"?  
  
Therefore, they have been [experiencing] falling circulation [, reflected in a diminishing number of papers] sold each day.  
  
... which did not help [in] building [their] brand [to the] top.
*(IELTS) As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. Agree or disagree?*  
  
## businesses - gaining profit and social responsibility

  
  
There is a proposition that financial institutions, beside revenue-generating activities, should parallelly accompany with community responsibilities. From my objective view, i fully agree with this commentary  
  
Gaining profit is a major priority of enterprises to expanding their progress in the extension whereby it would fuel a significant growth of nation-related economic environment, namely providing tremendous amount of employment and yielding high-quality products to public. Furthermore, profit gains from finance movement can be utilised to sponsoring essential start-up in bid to encourage groundbreaking innovations.  
  
Regarding aspect of social responsibility.An undeniable obligation of each individual or entity when they living and settling in their country is paying tax, the more profit the association earn the more tax they have to pay to the government. The main reason for imposing tax is adding more income into national budget which used to fortify infrastructure, education, healthcare, so on and so forth. A part from that, in the face of morality is regarded as must-do responsibility as well. for instance, there is an organization called world trade organizations (WTO) which consist of variety of worldwide financial entities attempt to distribute fund to aid deprived civilian and country from around the world.  
  
In conclusion, on the way to building a robust economic foundation, taking social responsibility is an unavoidable affair of each and every financial association.
*A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory? Explain your position.*  
  
## ***Effects by build factory near to community.***

  
  
Building a factory nearby the community usually has many benefits like offer opportunities for job or attract population to the community. And that can also creates wealth to this community. But it not only can make money but also pollution. Some of pollution will cause damage to environment even our health. So in my opinion, I don't accept that should build a factory near the community.  
  
A big factory allow many opportunities. These employees can live in the community then don't need to take many time in traffic. And population which attract by factory will promote more consumption to this community. Therefore the community will become more prosperity.  
  
However,industrial population which made by factory will make many problem. For example, the smell of air pollution may not just feel disgust but make people hard to breath. Water pollution will contaminate environment. Noisy would bother people who live close to it. And it is hard to know that which problem wouldn't happen before the factory builds.  
  
In conclusion, I think the living quality is more important than those benefits. More serious, it may hurt our health. We don't need to take the risk and make money.It doesn't worth it.So I think the factory is not good for building near the community.
@kevin86120  
  
First of all , strong effort in this essay, but however do allow me to purpose some recommendations/ corrections.  
  
First of all, lets start of with the grammar part of the essay.  
  
"Creates wealth for community."  
  
" But it doesn't only makes money but also causes pollution.  
  
" I don't accept that a factory should be built near the community  
  
"take much time in traffic."  
  
Overall, the mentioned above is just some of the many grammar mistakes of this essay. I strongly recommend that you read up on grammar books to further improve your knowledge.  
  
Further correction is needed on the comparative words in the essay.  
Eg : Will become more prosperous
@kevin86120 You must avoid starting your sentences with the connecting words "And, but, or because". As these are connecting words, these are normally used in the middle of a sentence for the purpose of connecting 2 related thoughts. These are the "cohesive" words that bind what would otherwise be 2 separate sentences of a connected thought into one presentation sentence. That is why these words cannot be used as opening sentence words. Your paragraph discussions need work. There is a lack of clarity in your presentation which affected its coherence. This was caused by your lack of English sentence structure development skill. Which, I believe, was caused by your lack of English vocabulary. I strongly suggest that you brush up on your English reading so that you will become more familiar with the way English sentences are structured and how certain words are used in their sentence presentation. While you did provide a somewhat understandable presentation in this essay, you are still a long way from being prepared to take the TOEFL test. Here's another tip, read the sample TOEFL essays here so that you can gain insights from the mistakes of others as advice has already been given to those users so you can avoid making the mistakes that they did.
Kyra, you presented a personal opinion at the end of paragraph 2 but did not follow up on the discussion by presenting your full explanation / opinion regarding the topic. Once a personal point of view is presented, it is not enough for you to leave it hanging there. You need to provide a follow up paragraph that contains personal supporting information for your stand. This is the one time that you cannot simply use all of the research material in support of your opinion. That is why, you should not have presented the personal point of view at the end of an existing paragraph in the middle of an essay. Your personal opinion should be stated as the second to the last discussion in the essay, prior to the conclusion. That way, you can present your point of view based upon the previously stated information, with the addition of some personal knowledge that can help to bolster your stance on the issue. Overall though, the topic is well research and properly cites the references within the text. The only part I would improve upon is the personal presentation aspect.
***Prompt:** More and more people are finding it increasingly important to wear fashionable clothes.  
Is this attitude to wearing clothes a positive or negative development?*  
  
## "Fashion is the product of modern age"

 Professor Chow Yong, Institute of Fashion Design, University of Hong Kong. Our appearance is greatly affected by the clothes we wear and it is because of this reason that a growing number of people have begun to question whether we should wear our traditional clothes or follow new trends. Yet, I believe fashion trends offer freedom of expression and satisfaction.  
  
There are positive effects of wearing fashionable clothes. Firstly, following new trends help people, especially teenagers, to cope with peer pressure and can even result in the acceptance among contemporary people. For example, Millions, if not thousands are bullied in schools on daily basis due to their clothing or apparel. Secondly, it is believed that modern clothes make you feel confident as they are portraying a modern image. For instance, Superstar branded shoes from Adidas. Finally, fashionable clothes goes beyond the aesthetic values, it emerges as an expressive tool for designers and wearers to deliver their message to the society. Like a famous Hollywood actress once said, "Give a girl the right attire and she can win the world."  
  
On the other hand, whether it is a good trend or a bad, it depends on the individual's choice, but people need to be aware of disbursement of time and money. Further any new trends are usually fleeting in nature and may shy away within few months. For example, some designer clothes like Prada or Gucci cost hefty amount but they can only be worn for a couple of times. Moreover, some people are obsessed with tailing fashion trends because they offer exclusivity and quality regardless of price. Likewise, bags, glasses and shoes produced by Prada, Channel or Gucci.  
  
In conclusion, I believe people need to find a balance rather than picking one end of the spectrum. Moreover, there is no point in loathing fashion trends. On contrary, they are means of appearance and a source of satisfaction. Therefore, wearing fashionable clothes has a positive effect.