dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
diver other factors -> other diverse factors.  
I think you should build a strong connection and show coherence among your sentences to make it smoother and more fluent.  
You list a lot of items, which may cause readers to be boring. And remember that before the last item you list, you should use "and" or "as well as" or other linking words to make it less repetitive. Moreover, try to avoid repeating by paraphrasing your sentences.  
  
The second paragraph is pretty short, which makes your essay unbalanced. You can add some more information like "how dangerous CDs are" ore something like that to make it long enough.  
  
Your conclusion is fine, but it's quite short! If you want to get high score, try to make it more attractive and interesting!  
These above are just my recommendations! Like you, I am also a Vietnamese learner of English! What I share with you is my experience!  
Hope that's useful!
Hi Le, I am not sure if the title of this trend is already the original prompt. Let's assume it is. So we can begin to talk. The topic is asking you how the role of a public health worker can help its community to avoid contagious diseases. So the second paragraph is invalid in this scenario because you do not need to explain what is the definition of communicable diseases.  
  
In the third paragraph, you can divide into two separate paragraph. Start with "What need to be done.... till... like posters, banners, manuals, etc." " We need to provide clear... "  
  
Also, I see in your first paragraph you have mentioned yourself so you should also mention any of your related public health experience if there is the case.  
  
Again, All these are based on its assuming of the original prompt from the title, but should you realise how important for us to check your work with the prompt that is given. Further, if this is a graduate essay or else you may want to post your next essay to that specific area instead of placing in writing feedback section.
## Environmental impact of aviation

  
  
Nowadays, many airlines offer cheap fares on flying. Although there are good arguments in favor of this trend, I personally think that cheap flight can make serious problem to the environment, but in the other hand, bring some benefits to people in a lot of ways.  
  
One good thing about cheap air fares is that broadened travel possibilities for many people, particularly for the lower income group. They can develop their careers, travel for pleasure, create new commercial transactions, and promote the tourist industry development, boots the economy and job markets of many countries.  
  
On the other hand, the drawback of cheap air fares is that produce a negative impact on the environment. With more flights, air pollution and global warming are the biggest concern of Friends of the Earth. Burning plane fuel can releases CO2 into ozone layer and produce climate and natural effects that can be dangerous for humanity.  
  
In conclusion, I think air fares increasing is not the solution for the pollution. Instead, the government should develop action plans for CO2 emission reductions, setting baselines for fuel generators, installing CO2 monitoring system on the airports and promote fiscal benefits to airports that fulfill these plans.
Andy, kindly remember to provide the complete prompt the next time that you provide an essay for review. We cannot help you further improve your written content without it. I strongly recommend that you do that so that you can also be familiarized with the different discussion types for the various essay tests. At this moment, I know that you presented an acceptable argument in your essay. However, the arguments that you present are weak because you are always under the minimum 3 sentence requirement of the cohesiveness and coherence section of the essay scoring criteria. As such, the examiner will consider all of the presentations under developed and under discussed, thus garnering you the lowest possible scores in the TA, C&C, and GRA sections. Your opening statement does not come across as a complete paraphrasing of the original prompt either, which will reduce the TA score even further. As you did not provide the original prompt, I am also uncertain as to whether or not you were able to accomplish all of the tasks within the requirements provided. Therefore, even though you have a nice essay presented for review, it may not be the kind of essay that will garner a passing score in an actual setting.
**Nowadays online shopping becomes more popular than in-store shopping. Is it a positive or a negative development? Give your reasons and examples.**  
  
## pros and cons of shopping online

  
  
Online shopping is becoming more popular. With few clicks at the comfort of your home, you can buy anything. Online shopping has gained more popularity compare to local shopping. This essay will look at positives and negatives impact of online shopping with example.  
  
Shopping online is more convenience. Nowadays, online shopping save time and money. Buyers can order any goods online and it will be delivered to their home and office. Internet shopping gives attractive prices. Most online shops give discounted price which will lead to more saving to shoppers. Also, it allows shoppers to compare prices in various online shopping. Online shopping makes it possible for consumers to order from other countries at comfort of their home.  
  
On the contrary, the ease of online shopping has rendered some people jobless and homes without food to eat. Online shopping has some negative effect especially on local market. Some local producers who live in remote area where internet is not accessible; which will lead underpricing of goods and exploitation from the middlemen. Shopping online encourages consumers buying worthless goods. Due to its flexibility, consumers may buy household that is not necessarily important, this will lead to huge debt. There are security issues, online shopping may expose your credit card to online theft; thereby leading to financial problem.  
  
In conclusion, shopping online has advantage and disadvantage. however it has more advantage impact but shoppers should exercise some caution while shopping as there are numerous online malware that can compromise their credit card detail online which will lead to financial breakdown.
I think you should really check your grammar, especially the use of word form.  
Here are some of your mistakes:  
*positives and negatives impact* => positive and negative impacts  
*Shopping online is more convenience* => Shopping online is more convenient  
*online shopping save time and money* => online shopping saves time and money  
And also, the structure of your paragraphs are not clearly defined. The key statement should be put at the beginning, not in the middle of the paragraph. For example, *Online shopping has some negative effect especially on local market* can be considered a key statement and should be put at the beginning of the paragraph.
Vincent, when you first read the prompt requirement. There are 2 things you have to do. That is, identify the topic sentence the discussion basis sentence, and the instruction sentence so that you can properly paraphrase the prompt. In this instance, you identified the topic sentence properly, but misidentified the discussion basis sentence. The discussion basis is "positive or negative development?" This led to an incorrect instruction assumption on your part. You deviated and did not present the correct "reasons and examples" for this essay.  
  
When you analyze the discussion basis, you have to be on the lookout for specific keywords that tell you whether or not a discussion is a single opinion or multiple opinion presentation. The minute you see the word "OR", that automatically qualifies the prompt as a single opinion discussion essay.  
  
Your opening paraphrase of the topic sentence is different enough from the original in my opinion because you used keywords such as "popular" and "online shopping" without really mentioning the original context of "than in-store shopping" although you implied it. That makes it different enough to qualify for an average score. Using keywords from the original prompt shows the examiner that you understood the prompt topic and you know how to use it in a given context. Hence, you proved you understand English to a certain degree. However, your third sentence is a direct paraphrase of the original, so that will bring the score down. A more appropriate paraphrase, that would have kept you on track instead of changing the discussion instruction is:  
  
*Online shopping is the new normal shopping routine. It has surpassed the popularity of in-store shopping among today's shoppers. This has led to the question as to whether this development is a positive or negative result of the online shopping method. I believe this is a (state your opinion, positive or negative) occurrence. In this essay I will be presenting popular reasons and examples to support my claim.*  
  
Your second paragraph properly illustrates your discussion topic. It provides proper reasons and examples within the presentation but falls short of offering a valid reason for this convenience. One reason that it is more convenient could be that it is cashless shopping. Or, people like being able to shop without having to spend extra on parking fees and gasoline. You should have developed the supporting reason in this paragraph rather than just focusing in the different reasons. One strong reason, strengthened with a proper supporting discussion in 2 or 4 more sentences would have done the job.  
  
You could have presented 2 supporting discussions in the essay and then concluded after the 3rd or 4th paragraph. That would have allowed you the chance to write a more varied sentence presentation and showcase your English vocabulary a little bit more. In this instance, the discussion was not only wrong, but it was also limited in vocabulary scope.
*You have decided to resign from your work in order to try a new field.  
Write a letter of resignation to your boss. In your letter:  
  
-Tell your boss of your decision and explain why you are leaving  
- Explain what you have learnt from your current job and how you feel about leaving  
- Ask for a letter of reference*  
  
## letter of resignation

  
  
Dear Mr. Doe,  
  
Thank you for being extraordinarily supportive since the first day I started working in this company. You and the company have equipped me with practical knowledge in all these years. You are also my lifelong mentor as you always guide me to be a better person. I am approaching you today because, after five years of working in the same company, I desire a new environment to explore the unknown.  
  
Looking it back these five years, the work has taught me so much that I could ever imagine. Such as many crucial business strategies that make me become a better decision maker or in dealing with different characteristic clients. However, my deepest sadness cannot be described by words as I have to leave my lifelong mentor as well as all of my colleagues.  
  
I understand our company policy to its letter of recommendation is merely restricted to include the confirmation of its job title and date of its employment. Thus, I hope you could write me a personal reference regarding my work performance. As it is absolutely helpful to increase my prospects of pursuing my next career goal.  
  
It is a great hope that you would accept my resignation and write me a letter of reference. As always, I look forward to your reply.  
  
All the best,  
  
CJ  
  
Words: 221  
  
Thanks!
At first I thought you had forgotten a main point of the prompt by not including the reason for your departure. Now I see that you did include one, but it seems very vague. I would suggest giving a bit more detail as to how you will "explore the unknown" Your writing sounds very natural; I enjoyed your letter, but you do have a few errors including some sentence fragments. Here are some specific suggestions:  
  
Looking ~~it~~ back at these five years,  
  
has taught me so much more than I could ever imagine {or "so much that I could never have imagined"}  
  
ever imagine, such as {"Such as ... clients" is not a complete sentence on its own}  
  
that make me ~~become~~ a better decision {or "that have made me become a better"}  
  
maker or assist in dealing with different {your "or" did not have a parallel structure}  
  
different characteristic clients {this is vague to me - do you mean "different types of clients"?}  
  
company policy that its letter of recommendation  
  
work performance, as it is {"As it is ...career goal." is not a complete sentence}
SG, I have a different opinion on your letter. I read your letter a number of times and I made a different observation of your work. It is my opinion that you delivered all of the aspects of the prompt requirements. In any resignation letter, a reason for your resignation is not required of the resignee. Only the irrevocable intention to resign is what you have to indicate. The reasons for doing so may or may not be indicated because that is, in real life, an optional part of the essay. The intention to explore the unknown is an acceptable "personal" reason for your resignation. Your overall letter delivers on the requirements in a direct manner. In a resignation letter, you only need to state the facts which you did in this version of your letter.  
  
Again, this is just my analysis of your work on this letter. I have found that you have done a better job of delivering on the requirements of this essay than on your previous document writing exercises. You showed a clear understanding of the prompt and an appropriate level of writing for a resignation letter. This is a document that you can be proud of having written. It is a good start and shows that you have improved your skills while also indicating room for further improvement as you go about your practice tests. I do not doubt that you will be better prepared to take the test when you finally decide to take it.
## educational taxes are important

  
  
During the time that people growing up, they all need education. However, some parents consider their children educated in private-financed schools instead of government-financed schools. I disagree that those who do not receive the education in public schools should not be required to pay taxes that support universal education.  
  
Studying in non-government-financed schools is their own choices. Some people believe that the children who are educated in private schools are better than those in public schools. However, it is the obligation of the government to found schools in order to provide education to the citizens. Therefore, people should pay taxes for that to make the schools running.  
  
Nonetheless, people will not be certain about whether they will receive education in private schools in their whole study life. And it is the children's choices that where to receive their higher education. Some people want to study in public schools after learning in private schools several years. Furthermore, maybe some families cannot afford the cost of private schools' fee anymore due to some financial conditions.  
  
What if the people want to transfer or receive further education in government-financed schools suddenly? But they didn't pay the taxes which supporting the universal education. It's not fair that people go to public schools under that condition without paying any educational taxes. For instance, a student who were educated in a private school through his childhood and never pay for the taxes. Nevertheless, he wants to receive the higher education in a public university, because he likes the facility and the sources from the school. But due to the fact that the didn't pay for the taxes, he cannot enter his ideal university.  
  
Therefore, I strongly believe that people should continually pay the educational taxes even if they receive their education in private schools.  
  
This is the second task of writing test of IELTS Academic. Thank you for correcting. If it possible, could you give me some score of this essay?
Topic: **Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them.**  
  
## Evaluation of the copmuter games value for kids

  
  
When it comes to the topic of computer games, people tend to develop various viewpoints. Some would contend that computer games are time consuming, whereas others would hold that computer games bring about significant benefits for children. Personally, I find myself in the same place as the former opinion for the following reasons.  
  
First and foremost, computer games are time consuming. Undoubtedly, computer game is the primary reason why children nowadays prefer staying inside to going outside. The amount of time they spend playing games can be used for much more beneficial activitities. Instead of games, teenagers can go outdoor and play with their peers, learning much more about the outside world. Moreover, computer games create severe impacts on them. For instance, since children avoid spending time outdoor and doing athletic activities to be inert and lazy at home, the chances of obesity are much higher. In fact, the obesity rate in the world is now higher than ever before and it is still increasing day by day and obesity also contributes to other ailments such as heart diseased. In addition, playing computer games can lead to weak eyesight since they spend too much time in front of a screen. Therefore, children should not be allowed to play computer games.  
  
Secondly, computer games provide no educational value. Opponents of my point of view may claim that computer game is a source of entertainment for children after a stressful day at school and some may benefits them academically. Nevertheless, this is only true in one respect. It is undeniable that playing computer games makes children become more relaxed, but it does more harm than good. In fact, computer games can promote violence among these youngsters. For example, in order to appeal to youngsters, most computer games companies attempt to recreate violence. Some of the most popular games nowadays such as Call of Duty or Counter Strike are extremely violence, with vivid images of death, explosions and gunshots and as a result, children have the tendency to mimic those actions. Therefore, computer games negatively influence children.  
  
In conclusion, I find myself definitely agree with those who assert that children should not be allowed to play computer games. This is of their negative influence on children.
Hi Vu, listen, you did a good enough job on this essay to score a 3, in my opinion at least. There were a number of mistakes made in the development of the essay which led to the lower end score for your essay. The first problem, is that your opening paraphrase is not exactly accurate. While you did offer a proper discussion instruction at the end, you did not clearly depict the topic for discussion. That is the main reason your score had to be lowered. A more appropriate paraphrase for your essay is:  
  
*There is a discussion as to whether computer games as a form of entertainment are a trivial use of time for children. That is why youngsters should be prevented from participating in this activity. I agree with this opinion based on several reasons.*  
  
Your opening statement was not really a proper paraphrase of the original prompt because it does not follow the template of the original discussion. In the version that I wrote for you, the theme of the original prompt remained intact up to the presentation of the personal opinion at the end.  
  
Now, the prompt indicates that you have to discuss only one opinion for this essay. There is no option for a comparative analysis. As such, your presentation became faulty to a great extent. Even though you over discussed the opinions, you did not really develop a convincing explanation for any of them because you tried to discuss too much in one paragraph. A standard ruling for the essay response development is, do it within 5 sentences and focus on only 1 topic so that you can clearly explain yourself. That is how you increase your scoring chances in any English test. You must stick to only one discussion per paragraph. Since you have 3 body of paragraphs for the essay, you should use the paragraphs to present 3 solid and convincing evidence of your opinion. There is no need to present an opposing argument as it is not required by the prompt.  
  
The concluding statement is too short and limits your scoring considerations. Always write at least 3 sentences for a better scoring consideration. Just restate the prompt in a new manner, summarize the details of the discussion or topic sentences, then repeat you opinion at the end. Simple, but effective in increasing your score overall.
Hello dear...  
I need your help, please correct my Essay  
  
## Essay to getting free IELTS

  
  
Following my opinion studying English language will have a very big impact to myself and to the future of Timor-Leste. English language as we know is International language which mostly people in the world uses to communicate. Studying English will give many vantages to myself and to the future of Timor-Leste. English language make me easy to do in many things: I can speak to people who have different native language with me, I can complete English language application like volunteer, conference, event, scholarship and most interesting information has written in English so I can learn more information about every resources. Moreover the importance impact is to my future, I have dreamed to get scholarship abroad to continue my study levels, to get scholarship is not easy when I don't study English, because everything must do it with English like complete application, test exam and interview but when I am studying English is easy to me to get scholarship abroad and my dream will come true. To the future of Timor-Leste English will make development in every sector (economic, politic, education, technology and culture) from international relationship and use English to communicate to another country which have more experienced in this sector. Also Timor-Leste has multi-languages, they not just use official and native language to communicate but English too
Crissia, kindly provide the IELTS prompt that you are responding to so that I can better assess the work that you have done. It is difficult to analyze your work as I have no idea what you are trying to discuss and how you should be discussing it. The proper formatting for the IELTS essay is also not being followed. The problem, is that I cannot give you an example of the proper discussion format because I don't know what you are being asked to represent in the essay. Therefore, even though I see that you have a some what well developed essay here, I am stuck when it comes to correcting your mistakes and redirecting your format towards the proper discussion style. While you do have an acceptable grasp of the English language, this does not automatically mean that you know how to properly discuss a test prompt. Kindly provide that the next time you post an essay for review here. Right now, I can see the potential in you. I just don't know how to hone it yet.
Hi Crissia, you are only asking for correcting your essay so I would just point out that there are some grammar mistakes:  
  
For instance,  
**The** English language make**s** me easy to ...  
  
Try to find the errors that you would usually have at the end of your writing by reviewing it once again.  
  
Now, I am going to rewrite the sentence, maybe you find it useful to write your next essay.  
  
There are many situations that the English language has allowed them became a reality. For instance, speaking with people who have different backgrounds like me, completing the programmes that based on its English language such as volunteering as well as meetings in a conference, more importantly, it is a great access for me to perceive its information of other cultures and resources as a whole in its language.  
  
Hope that helps.