dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Some companies block their employees from using social media network

  
  
In many corporations, despite its rules, staff cannot access social media platforms like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram during working time. Personally, I totally agree with that decision. Indeed, prohibiting employees from using social media can help them avoid getting distracted, get more attention to their tasks, build real-life relationships with other employees, and lead to a result that boosts company performance.  
  
Without a doubt, social media is a common source of interruption. For example, people can quickly get interested in something new that pops up in their newsfeed or their friend's messages when using Facebook. Some researchers said that you need an average of 20 minutes to get back to work when visiting social media platforms.  
  
So that, if they are prohibited from using social media, employees will hardly get any other distraction sources in the office. For that reason, they clearly spend more time on work, and when needing the support of their colleagues, they must make real-life conversations with their co-workers. In the long path, it will decrease the time required for tasks and create friendly social behavior in the company and all of that benefits help the company thrives.  
  
In conclusion, I think that restricting the use of social media networks in the workplace is a wise decision. Lots of managers realize the benefits when comparing the company's performance before and after publicizing that policy. I hope that blocking access to social media platforms when working will become more and more common in the future.  
  
Short brief: Prohibiting staff from using social media when working is a wise decision because it stops them from being distracted, reduces the time required for tasks, and improves the real-life relationship between co-workers.
The presentation is not grammatically perfect but works for the purpose of the writer. While there are some incorrect phrases and references used in the essay, it does not deter the reader from understanding the opinion of the writer. The fact that he uses public knowledge as references works well for the presentation. However, some personal experience information would have also been beneficial to the presentation since it would have balanced the discussion between public and personal throughout the paragraphs.  
  
Sometimes the reasoning the writer provides feels incomplete. Paragraph 2 in particular, feels under developed. It could have used better experience and knowledge referencing to add to the impact of the explanation. It almost feels like the next paragraph was accidentally separated from the previous paragraph. Had the 2 paragraphs combined, the discussion would have been better developed.  
  
The writer shows enough knowlege of everyday English words. The discussion feels natural to a limited extent. I believe the limitation was caused by the ESL writing method of the student. There are instances when he seems to have transliterated the sentences, leading to incorrect sentence formation. This can be overcome in the future through regular English language speaking and writing practice.
***Some people believe that the personal information of violent criminals should be made available to the public. Others think that this information should be protected.***  
  
## Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

  
  
It is a common belief that violent criminals' identities should be kept confidential from the public to make people feel a sense of safety about the society they are living in and support the rehabilitation of criminals after their prison time. However, there is a more persuasive argument that such information needs to be publicized so that people can be well aware of and protect themselves from potential risks.  
  
On the one hand, keeping people from knowing about the personal details of criminals will help these individuals to reintegrate back into society more quickly and easily. Without the prejudice of surrounding people about what they had done in the past, criminals will not encounter stigmatization or experience low self-esteem, which might prevent them from living a normal life after their sentences. More specifically, according to Tuoitre Newspaper, a prestigious newspaper in Vietnam, after two years of enacting the law of not revealing criminal records for individuals seriously performing criminal rehabilitation programs, the rate of criminals reintegrating successfully in this country increased significantly by 10% in 2020.  
  
Nevertheless, I support the point of view that the public should be updated with the personal details of illegal individuals. This not only contributes to the safety of people because it allows them to proactively recognize the presence of criminals in the places they come to, then protect themselves from potential violent behaviors. On top of that, police forces will be supported hugely by citizens in capturing violent criminals if they publicize information about criminals. Why can this action be so helpful? The U.S. government could not have arrested the most dangerous wanted terrorist successfully in 2002 if they had not aired his portrait image on TV programs on daily basis. One of the residents ran into the terrorist in a hotel where he was hiding at that time, immediately, the criminal was reported to a local police station.  
  
To sum up, although it is apparent that choosing not to reveal the personal information of criminals is an effective way to support the rehabilitation of criminals, it is undeniable that updating society with this kind of information will contribute to protecting the safety of people.
It is a common belief  
A "common belief" cannot be used as an alternate reference to "Some people believe". The reason? When you say "common" it indicates, by definition; an adjective that refers to a universal, widespread, or general knowledge. The "universal" aspect of the definition contradicts the "some" reference in the original. This incorrect word usage will negatively affect your LR score. Be careful of your word usage because incorrect meaning will change the way the thought is viewed and will pull down not only your LR, but also your C+C and GRA scores.  
  
Your first paragraph is incomplete and will result in additional task deductions. While the prompt restatement was represented to the best of your writing ability, you neglected to present your personal opinion as necessary for the task. It clearly states that you must discuss your opinion. Therefore, it is a required part of the writer's opinion as a part of the thesis statement or reasoning basis for the discussion of your personal opinion.  
  
The way the essay is written, the reasoning paragraphs must number a maximum of 3. That is, you must equally discuss the 2 public opinions prior to the presentation of your personal opinion. Your personal opinion must clearly be cohesive enough to connect to one of the 2 public opinions. The lack of the 2nd public opinion discussion and sudden jump to your personal opinion will result in this essay being scored as an incomplete discussion persentation.  
  
This is not a bad start to the practice essays. However, you need to become more familiar with the 2 types of approaching this comparative discussion essay. Samples below should help you become clearer about how to develop this type of discussion prompt. Just click on Similar Discussions [+] to see similar presentations from previous exam takers.
***Governments should spend more money on medical research to protect citizen's health rather than on protecting the environment.***  
## Do you agree or disagree?

  
  
There is an opinion that more state funding should be allocated to clinical research than for tackling environmental problems. Personally, I wholeheartedly disagree with this argument and this essay will give some points below.  
  
One might argue that medical research can play an integral role in insulating people from diseases. This is based on the assumption that clinical studies address the ways illnesses progressively impacts the bodies, which may help researchers identify the superior intervention methods to prolong patients' longevity. Besides, medical trials can serve as the grounds for future therapies and medications that will help develop the management of serious health conditions. To cite an example, the Ghanian government has tasked with conducting research and introduced thousands of certified doses of COVID-19 vaccine to prevent its residents from contracting this deadly disease.  
  
Despite the reasons outlined above, it is my view that authorities' investment in the protection of the environment holds more importance than that in medical studies. This is because many environmental problems are the root of countless diseases such as: respiratory diseases (asthma, bronchitism, lung cancer,...) caused by air pollution; hearing loss resulting from noise pollution; diarrhoea, dysentery - consequences of water pollution, to name a few. Futhermore, contaminated hygienic conditions are likely to be linked to the widespread transmission of several health risks. That is to say, that governing bodies invest more on the alleviation of such environmental issues can prove more effective in improving people's health since a large number of health hazards will be eliminated. Falling need for clinical research can also put less pressure on the national budget, thus facilitate investment in other imperative sectors including education or urban planning.  
  
In conclusion, it seems to me that scientific health research should not be given top priority when it comes to allocating state financial resources.  
  
I would be really grateful to receive your feedbacks.
## Food advertising should be banned the same as smoking is

  
  
Some researchers contend that the habit of eating too much will pose a threat to peoples' health and thus, suggest that food commercials should be banned the same way as cigarettes are. This essay will disagree with the latter view, and justifications are as follows.  
  
To commence with, advertisements on food should not be prohibited entirely since not all food is detrimental to peoples' health. In fact, fruits and grain-based products are considered healthy food, so it seems rather unresonable to not permit their advertisements to be broadcast on mass media. On the contrary, there is no variation in terms of healthy and unhealthy in cigarette brands, and it should be blocked from citizens' view as a way to lessen the likelihood of having health problems amongst them.  
  
Another factor that can not be overlooked is the economy. On the one hand, it is conspicuous that the food industry has an enormous impact on a nation's economic growth. Therefore, if the sales went down due to the prohibition policy, the country would have to suffer a huge loss. On the other hand, cigarette manufacturing does not contribute to the economy that much as the food industry does, so if there is a decline in sales, the loss will be less severe.  
  
In conclusion, based on aforemention explainations, I suggest that it is not a good idea to ban food advertisements the same way as cigarettes one are.
It would have been nice if you could have used alternate terms for "researchers" since it is still close enough to the original term used (research). By using alternate words such as analysts or food scientists, you would have shown a wider and related vocabulary to the examiner, thus boosting your LR score at the very start. The prompt restatement is a bit short on the interpretation side as it does not indicate that over eating and smoking are similarly seen in terms of cause and effect. Without that link, the mention of banning certain food advertisement does not have a basis. It creates a questionable reference in the eyes of the reader. The essay cannot have an opinion because it is a mere product of the act of writing. The main questions was pointed to the writer. Do YOU agree or disagree? Therefore, a personal pronoun reference should be used in response to the given inquiry. The prompt restatement + writer's opinion is badly developed and will not receive a good preliminary score.  
  
The reasoning paragraphs are not developed along the key discussion line which is "addiction". Overeating was no longer the focus of the discussion in relation to food addiction and the need to ban certain food types, such as junk food, in advertising. Yes, the health benefits should be considered, but you have obviously misunderstood the actual discussion chain which is:  
  
*Junk food ---> Habit forming ---> Overeating ---> Food addiction ---> Health problems  
Cigarettes ---> Habit forming ---> Chain Smoking ---> Smoking addiction ---> Health problems  
  
Solution: Ban advertising to dissuade people from falling into these 2 bad health habits  
Consider: Yes or no? Why? Use health reasons that relate to both junk food and cigarettes*  
  
The focus is on health, the economy does not figure in any way towards the discussion targets. A commonality that would create connected discussion considerations for a cohesive presentation is not found in the 2 paragraphs. The way the discussion considerations were not correctly addressed in this essay shows that the writer did not properly outline his thought process and possible discussion topics, as the above example shows. This is why he failed to consider the correct discussion format and discussion targets for his reasoning paragraphs. The discussion is therefore, incorrect.  
  
The concluding summary does not offer a proper summative discussion within the 2 sentence word format. It does not allow for a proper recapitulation of the preceding discussion. Therefore, full scoring consideration for this portion cannot be provided either.
***The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school.***  
## Agree or Disagree?

  
  
Being one of the major core skills in today's era of integration, cooperation has recently been brought into education. While advocates of team sports are of the opinion that these activities provide the best opportunities for students to practice cooperation, I believe that playing music in an ensemble could create such same effect.  
  
Admittedly, cooperative physical activities could foster a sense of teamwork by acknowledging the members' abilities. When working in tandem with each other, each member of a team could gradually recognise the strengths and weaknesses of their teammates. From that, they will devise the best strategies that could cover their weak points while maximising their strengths. Football emerges as a typical case for this collective spirit, as the compatibility of the members is the result of experimental matches.  
  
At the same time, I propose that a music ensemble is also capable of instilling in students a sense of unity. In order to interpret a score, each player in the ensemble has to be highly aware of how to deliver their interpretation in harmony with other players so as not to ruin the score. For example, if one student misses the tempo, the whole ensemble will have to stop. This delicate adjustment requires each player to look out for their partners, thus further strengthening the bond within the group.  
  
All in all, while I concur with the opinion that teamwork spirit can be honed through team sports, I also consider a music ensemble to be a strong way to help bring members closer.  
  
(Thank you for your comment!)
The actual discussion of the topic should not be done in the first paragraph as you did here. Any personal opinions and insights should only be presented in this paragraph as a part of the writer's opinion thesis. This should have been a 2 sentence presentation that focused only on an accurate prompt restatement and your opinion. Since you decided to include a personal insight into the restatement, the examiner will not be able to award full points for this representation. The inclusion of your opinion in the topic presentation changed the discussion basis. Points need to be deducted for that. Additionally, you only provided a thesis statement, but failed to provide a direct opinion using the response keyword as provided. Further deductions will be applied to the preliminary TA score. The writer's direct response to the question should always be provided twice. Once in the restatement and again in the concluding summary. It cannot be stated in the concluding summary alone as that will provide an open ended essay rather than a concluded discussion presentation.  
  
The discussion paragraphs are acceptable and aligned with the discussion topic. The given reasoning and explanations are sound and quite believable. I would have liked to have seen a more cohesive discussion though that compared the sports and orhestra requirements over 2 related paragraphs. That would have shown the strength and acceptability of your discussion. The similarities need to be highlighted in this sort of discussion. How the expectations are the same, even though the implementation is different. These are necessary to achieve a well scoring C+C section. Good job just the same. Beware of your punctuation usage in certain sentences. An apostrophe is not always necessary when indicating the plural form of a word. Know when to use it in proprietarial or plural form. Wrong usage will reduce the GRA score.  
  
As for the concluding sentence, it is a run-on presentation that has reduced clarity and cohesiveness. You will never go wrong when you opt to use more sentences, representing individual ideas or statements in a paragraph. That is the correct basis for a sentence. A long sentence does not necessarily translate into a simple, complex, or compound sentence. That is why the concluding paragraph format requires at least 2 sentences composed of 40 words or more to complete the paragraph presentation.
Hi, I saw this interesting IELTS question many weeks ago and i finished it for about 35 minutes. Please give me feedback for further improvement.  
  
Question:  
## Scientists predict that in the future cars will be driven by computers

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***What are the reasons behind this? Is it a positive or negative development?***  
  
My essay (303 words):  
  
It is predicted that autonomous cars will be prevalent down the line in light of the dire need of saving time and improving the safety of people involved in them. I opine this scenario seems to be a double-edged sword.  
  
The dominance of self-driving vehicles may soon stem from two major facets. One of which is the high demand of reducing the commuting time at present, potentially freeing human drivers from this stressful task during rush hours. This, in turn, allows working citizens to gain more productive time to accomplish other tasks such as writing emails and among others. Another justification would be more predictable as of late technological advancements tend to contribute to the higher standard of security and safety of users. We can see this in the ambition of driverless cars industry which is progressing incessantly to add new useful functions ranging from detecting minor mechanical errors to excluding underage drivers. In short, this development will be a consequence of humans' needs.  
  
Personally, I think this growth may cut both sides. On an individual level, residents' quality of life would be considerably enhanced thanks to more available time daily. Not only will this boost their work performance to some extent, but it also reduces stress related to traffic issues. However, the benefits of cars controlled by computers are only optimized when manufacturers can bring it to the masses, meaning aN intolerantly high cost. Such an expense may stem from discarding all conventional automobiles and producing an enormous number of new products. Briefly, this notion seems to present both advantages and disadvantages.  
  
In conclusion, I strongly feel that the emergence of autonomous cars will happen sooner or later to serve humans' life. While this will be a safer mode of transport, the increase of such cars may place a financial burden on a societal level.
While the essay is extremely wordy and actually shows off your vast English vocabulary, the focus on word exercise rather than coherence, cohesiveness, and a proper response to the 2nd question in the prompt are the reasons that this essay will receive a failing score. The speed by which you wrote the essay was not commensurate to the quality of writing and the appropriateness of the response to the guide questions. Hence, the speed of writing and the lack of proper response content resulted in an incorrectly presented essay presentation. Do not focus on vocabulary, that is the perfect way to fail the test.  
  
Yes, the question you chose is interesting, but you never actually chose a single response for the defense. This is not an essay that allows for a measured response, which would have allowed you to say the discussion is a double edged swordd. This is a single opinion essay that requires you to convince the reader that only one side of the discussion should be supported. Based on the given prompt, you only partially responded to the question provided. The last aspect being incorrectly represented response. So the task is only partially fulfilled. Partially will not fly, it could lead to a failing score in an actual test.  
  
I will not dissuade you from writing long essays, I will however, encourage you to work on sentence clarity and proper response formatting. These are the major scoring considerations for the task. Fail to accomplish these and the speed and word count will not matter at all.
## vehicle registrations graph

  
  
**Essay topics:**  
**The graph below shows changes in the share of vehicle registrations of the three most common types of commercial vehicles in the US between 1970 and 2010.  
  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
The line graph illustrates the rate of vehicle registrations from 1970 to 2010 in three primary business vehicles in the US.  
  
Overall, the majority of Americans enrolled in trucks. In addition, the percentage of truck and taxi registers followed an upward trend while the reverse was seen in the share of bus enrollments.  
  
In particular, commencing at approximately 50% in 1970, the figure for truck-registered users dropped significantly to 30% in the next ten years. Following this, it bounced back from 30% to 50% between 1970 and 2010. In contrast, the rate of bus registers, which underwent a threefold rise from 5% in 1970 to nearly 15% in the following ten years, fell drastically to below 5% in 2010.  
  
In the meantime, the number of taxies registrations accounted for nearly 25% in 1970, after which it climbed sharply to above 35% in 1980. Subsequently, it plunged to 15% in 2000; thereafter, it recorded a noticeable rise of 20% in 2010.  
  
(160 words)  
  
Please help me to evaluate my writing skills, read and comment if it's possible, and please also give a score. Thank you in advance.  
  
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