dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Tran, good job on the direct response to the extent essay. Further applause is required because you knew well enough to give a measured response to the question. Additional cheers for showing an implied discussion outline, all within your prompt paraphrase.  
  
Your not so impressive actions come from using the memorized phrases "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" rather than using topic sentences to open your reasoning paragraphs. It will help your overall score if you can show that you can create true complex and simple sentences rather than relying on learned phrases to help your essay long, specially when introducing your reasoning topic.  
  
An additional problem with this essay is that you only have 40 minutes to write the Task 2 essay and somehow you managed to write almost 400 words. This will be an impossible feat at the testing center when you need to write at least 250 words, review, revise, edit, and finalize within 40 minutes. Next time, use a timer. You will find that the most number of words you can write is about 300, depending upon your knowledge of the topic and the editing requirements of your work. At 250 words, that means you need to write 25 lines of text, represented by 5 sentences in each of the 4-5 paragraph presentation to present 250 words. 30 lines would be around 300 words. That is the most ideal writing representation you can make. Spelling errors include:  
  
Hetic- Hectic  
Cocacola - Coca - Cola  
sems - seems  
  
Make sure you also use the adverbs in the right positions: compare easily = easily compare. Review the English grammar rules and make sure that you spell in UK English as much as possible. It is best to show a familiarity with the way that region of the world spells in English to prove you understand the difference between US and UK grammar presentations.  
  
Review your work for spelling and sentence structure errors, in this case, you made several spelling mistakes and failed to correct them. Which means your LR score would be reduced because you failed to spot and correct avoidable errors. You want to make sure that you present the essay at its optimum level for scoring consideration. So make sure you review and edit before submission. There are no second chances at the testing center.  
  
Final problems arise from your improper concluding summary. It is not a summary, it is a hanging paragraph. There is no real closing sentiment representing the reverse prompt paraphrase for the essay. That should be at least 3 sentences long.
There are advantages and disadvantages when comparing pubic transport with private cars. Discuss the reasons that motivate suggestions for change. Also analyse some of the solutions.  
  
## "The more democratic the process, the more public transport is favoured"

  
  
By comparison with private cars, public transport seems to have quite a lot advantages. First and foremost, public transport is much more efficient than cars(Author, 2015). After having introduced free public transport to its citizens, Dunkirk is undergoing a revolution(Willsher, 2018). According to Willsher(as cited in Pointart, 2018), she is saving money and buses come every 10 minutes so she does not have to wait long. As stated by Newman(2005), the auto-dependent city model is not only inefficient in economic, but also in environmental terms. Secondly, inflated car fuel made people want to find alternatives. Contamin(as cited in Willsher, 2018) said that he almost never took the bus. But free public transport has given their the opportunity. Before the bus was for those who had no choice: the young, the old, the poor who don't have cars. Now it's for everyone.(Vergriete, as cited in Willsher,2018).Last but not least, people can talk to each other on their commute(Willsher,2018). According to Willsher(2018), someone admits she sometimes takes the bus "just for the fun of it". Additionally, it is impossible to talk with somebody if a person is commuting alone. The odds are that you'll be able to interact with lots of people from different cultures if you use public transport as opposed to travelling private.  
  
As stated by Newman (2005), "The more democratic the process, the more public transport is favoured." Take Portland, a referendum was held on whether to spend money on the light rail road, eventually the rail proposal won and the railway worked spectacularly well. In the years that have followed, more and more rail systems have been put in, dramatically changing the nature of the city. Besides, the free public policy, it may not work in every city, according to Faucher(2018), some people have taken free buses for granted, it seems to have no value at all. But it is good for the environment, it is a social measure, a gesture of "solidarity" and promotes a more egalitarian redistribution of wealth than tax cuts.(Vergriete, as cited in Willsher,2018) Having said that, the contribution of free public transport policy should not be underestimated. It promotes local city tourism whilst satisfying citizens' needs. For instance, people do not need to spending time on buying tickets and they can even charging their mobile on a bus.(Willsher,2018). Environmentalist and urban planners have it that public transport helps cities reduce traffic congestion and the overall level of pollution. This means that if you use public transport, you will be reducing congestion as well as pollution within and around your city. Why not contribute to making your city a better place by using public transport.
@gviiivayh  
I can see your writing has many positive sides such as the thoughtful ideas that you used to explain your opinion in the adv. of public transport over the private transport means in addition to your range of academic vocabulary. However, I propose to improve the overall level of coherent and cohesion because I find it fairly difficult to follow and connect these ideas together. For instance, you can use a fully developed idea about efficiency/cost saving. Secondly, you can move on the environmental aspects and finally use the socialization adv. granted by public transport. Also, i strongly recommend to change your idea about disadv. rather than 'interact with lots of people from different cultures' as long as it is already used as strength point for public transport. For example, some locations don't have direct or non-stop way to reach which consumes time and cost, subsequently sometimes the adv. of cars outweigh the public transport's.
Hi, you quote names here like we should know who these people are, like "Contamin". I think you need to better explain who they are.  
  
Here are some other suggestions:  
  
By comparison ... a lot advantages. {this is not really a proper introduction}  
  
... According to Willsher ..., she {who is Willsher? At first I though "she" was referring to Dunkirk}  
  
Secondly, inflated car fuel [prices] made people ...  
  
... Contamin(as cited in Willsher, 2018) {who is Contamin?} said that he almost never took the bus.  
  
... transport has given [him] the opportunity. Before {add a comma here} the bus...  
  
... Now it's {avoid contractions in formal essays} for everyone.  
  
... According to Willsher(2018), someone {someone? who? this sounds odd here} admits she ...  
  
... as opposed to travelling [in a private vehicle].  
  
{I would add a transition phrase here. Is this paragraph additional information? A new topic? A specific example?} As stated by Newman (2005), ...  
  
... Take Portland, where a referendum ... on the light [railroad. Eventually] {"rail line" is better here though} the rail proposal won  
  
... Besides, {besides is not a good transition here - "besides" is an addition transition - you need to show a contrast. Maybe "On the other hand" or "Nevertheless"} the free public [policy may] not work ..., some {You need to begin a new sentence, either after "every city" or after "Faucher(2018) "} people have ... for [granted;] it seems {"they seem" is better here to refer to buses} to have no value at all.  
  
... Having said that, {said what? You just now gave benefits - I think the "that" refers to the disadvantages you talked about earlier, but it is unclear} the contribution of [a ] free public...  
  
... people do not need to [spend] time ~~on~~ buying tickets and they can even [charge] their mobile ... Environmentalists and urban planners [agree] that public ...  
  
...Why not contribute ... using public [transport?]
@moessam85  
I'm really grateful for you suggestions.  
As for the coherence of my writing, I'm not to afraid to tell that that is my all-time weakness. I was even told what I wrote is kind of stream of consciousness.(i feel sad tho)  
  
I know what my problems are, the thing I'm gonna do perhaps is just try to practise more.  
Your advice on the "disadvantage" aspect is great as well.
@TJLuschen  
Thanks for your detailed correction.  
This is actually the second I wrote this sort of "quotation essay", as we are practising quotation, summary and paraphrase this semester, so as you can tell I'm not competent at quoting.(T T)  
  
I just wanna thank you again for what you've marked, I'll pay more attention to my wording, expression and punctuation.  
  
@darknight99  
I'm flattered that you've commented on my writing, thanks for your assistance.  
Regarding the conclusion, in actual fact I didn't write the introduction and the conclusion, as we are told not to write them. All we need to do is just to brainstorm the "body", that's why you may feel the writing is kinda incomplete!
Hi, I really liked your essay up until the last body paragraph. That paragraph seemed to contradict a lot of the reasons your provided in the first two body paragraphs.  
  
Here are some other comments and suggestions:  
  
The debate surrounding jury {I think "jury predisposition" is incorrect here - maybe "a jury's learning of the accused's previous criminal activity"}  
  
... information [about] the past before agreeing on a jurisdiction.{"jurisdiction" is wrong here - try "verdict"}  
  
First of all, there is little reason to ... {this sentence was confusing - it sounded like you were saying there is little risk that the jury will become biased by hearing about the defendant's record} As the jury is picked from the community, there's {avoid contractions in formal essays}  
  
... complex, and even uncomprehensive. {"uncomprehensive" seems unclear to me here - I guess you mean that the records don't tell the whole story, that there may have been extenuating circumstances that are not included in the record?} The resulting failure [to understand] the records  
  
... sensible people,[who come] with flaws.  
  
... rely on past records to [reach a guilty verdict], the evidence  
  
... forensic technology and [advanced] psychological science  
  
... enough evidence to accurately {"accurately" seems a bit odd in this context - maybe "rightly" or "properly"} convict a criminal.  
  
... may argue that smart [criminals] with connections may evaporate {"evaporate" sounds odd here} conclusive evidence that ... {this does not make sense to me - how can hiding a person's past behavior get rid of evidence in the current case? This sentence seems to go against what you said in the previous paragraph, that the only concern should be the evidence in the current case.}  
  
...repeated disrespect for the law can be [an indicator of guilt]
**Topic:**There is an idea that young people should not learn what the world is doing but what they can do to the world. To what extent do you agree with this statement?  
  
## Uninterested Youth?

  
  
Having considerable insight as to how the society function recently promotes the youth's self-development. This essay disagrees that young people put what condition the world is in aside and keep focusing on nothing but their capability. Updating with the world provides better opportunities to understand their inner self as well as puts them at ease to fulfil their potential.  
  
Gaining knowledge about their surrounding helps the young to find real person of who they are. Lacking of orientation towards world's trend, youngsters easily get frustrated and be bitterly disappointed with themselves as for example they could not find jobs. Gradually, they waste their inherent ability and are not able to realise their potentiality. They would get lost in the real world wondering who they are and what they are really doing. Thus bypassing the process of learning about the global issues prevents one from proving himself and his limit.  
  
Young people who grasp the world situation thoroughly could overcome setbacks and enhance the possibility for achievements. Spending time exploring the world means extending "our knowledge of our ignorance" (Karl Popper). For instance, Edison could invent the light bulb for the mankind because he could live in the world without it. He learned the difficulties the society was facing and took advantage of it to create a personal and social accomplishment. Therefore, the movements of every aspect of the world should be regarded as major priorities in education.  
  
In conclusion, this essay supports the idea that the young ought to consider the world's business in order to respect themselves and achieve success. It is recommended that schools encourage students to learn as a subject.
Tranh, do not refer to "this essay disagrees" or "this essay supports" as the prompt discussion is asking for your personal opinion on the matter. That means it is alright to use the first person pronoun. Use second and third person pronouns in essays that ask you to discuss public points of view. Whenever you are asked questions such as "To what extent do YOU disagree or agree..." You are required to use various first person references in the essay. By the way, speaking of extent questions, you did not respond with an extent response in this essay. So your TA score will be lower than it could have been if you had provided a measured response. Read the examples of measured response essays at this forum for various examples of how to respond to such a presentation.  
  
You have a few grammar errors in this essay such as the use of the word "of" after the verb lacking. There was no need to use "of" after the verb "lacking" as it creates an incorrect sentence structure and highlights improper grammar control on your part. Use a comma after an introductory element such as "Thus" to create a pause in the reading that allows the reader to prepare for the next sentence discussion.  
  
If you take not of the advised changes in your future practice tests, you should be able to create better mock essays in the future.
@Lilittt  
I think you misunderstood the meaning of the word "world's business" in the conclusion, or may be I used it in a wrong way =)) Anyway, it means, well, what the world is doing, its meaning is something like "Dont care about it. It's not your business". I think I choose unsuitable word but I dont know how to paraphrase it. Can you recommend another way to paraphrase "what the world is doing"? Thank you by the way.
## IELTS writing task2- traditional views

  
  
***The older generations tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas do not help prepare younger generations for modern life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view？***  
  
It is sometimes argued that traditional values are useless for young people in this continuing changeable modern world. While I agree with the idea that some of these ideas are unhelpful, I would argue that others are still valuable.  
  
Indeed, some traditional views from the elderly are undeveloped and end up resulting in harmfulness to specific groups. The first unreasonable one is gender biases regarding the condition of the woman. In some of the Arabic nations, women do not have the right to attend schools. Even some of them do have acquired higher education certifications overseas, the proportion of female holding a higher is still low. Second, gender definition is more flexible nowadays. An increasing number of people in the LGBTQ group out of the closet and are willing to show the world who they really are. But such behaviours are completely unacceptable for people holding very traditional ideas. These people tend to believe that either transgender or gay/lesbian is a sin or mental illness. Such opinions limit the right of minorities to some extent. Therefore, there is no place for such ideas in this open-minded era.  
  
However, despite these prejudices, conventional ideas do play a vital and functional role in society, especially for a region's culture. For example, every Chinese read and learn the philosophy of Confucianism, from learning how to enhance the relationship with families, friends or even the world, to behaving brave, honest and gentle, respecting not only the elders but everyone around them. Such values came from 5000 years ago, and still play a central role as a guidebook in Chinese culture. And I do believe that these qualities are still valuable now. Besides, whether an idea is practical or not should be concluded after being practiced.  
  
To sum up, although some of the conservative ideas are useless or even harmful, I would believe that most of them still need to be valued by every generation. In addition, the attitude towards traditional thoughts should not be single-sided, whether useful or not should be proved by human beings and the time.
Zichen, you should not wrote more than 300 words for this essay. You do not have enough time to write so many words during the actual test. Always practice your essay writing under proper time constraints. Use a timer set for 40 minutes when you do the Task 2 essay. Make sure you allot at least 10 minutes of editing time, leaving you with 30 minutes to write the full essay draft first. You should see that your essay will have a range of only 250-275 words when using time considerations for your essay development.  
  
Now, you did not represent an "extent" response in the proper manner in this essay. You wrote:  
  
*While I agree with the idea that some of these ideas are unhelpful, I would argue that others are still valuable.*  
  
However, the essay question is asking:  
  
*To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view？*  
  
Therefore, your response is incomplete. The proper response should have included either the following words to indicate your divided extent response:  
  
partially  
high / low extent because...  
I agree less with...  
I agree more with ...  
  
along with other variations of measured response descriptions.  
  
Never use connecting words such as "but" to begin a sentence. Instead, attach it to the first sentence topic by using a comma before the conjunction, this will help you to create a complex sentence presentation while avoiding any improper change of discussion topics within the paragraph. Avoid the over use of commas in your paragraphs as well. Those are run-on sentences that will affect your GRA score. Individual sentences with completely developed thoughts are what is expected of the writer in this essay.  
  
Make sure you learn how to write your thoughts regarding the discussion within 5 sentences composed of simple to complex presentations. That way you increase your GRA score and also write within the time limitations. Writing more than that wastes essay revision time. Time that could have been better spent outlining your essay first to create a coherent and cohesive paragraph presentation. Something that is weak due to the scattered discussion that your paragraphs represent.  
  
It is just one topic per paragraph. Not 2 topics per paragraph unless you are asked for "reasons" and "solutions", in plural form, within the writing instructions. Your paragraphs tended to change the discussion focus from the original because of the multiple reasons you presented, which could lead to a lower TA score. There are no interconnected discussions in your paragraphs, only memorized phrases to guide you towards the number of reasons you have written ( First, second...) , which is not effective in increasing your scoring potential. So keep it down to one topic per paragraph unless otherwise indicated.
Question:  
## Nowadays, food has become easier to prepare.

  
***Has this change improved the way people live? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.***  
  
Answer:  
  
Food preparation has become one of our daily routines, not for its need, but for the of preparing it. That help people to improve their life and used up the rest of the time for doing otherthings can be benificial for them.  
  
Firstly, the new technology it the most element are making easy with the home appliance. It can help people to doing several things at the same time without staying to control it, because they are a defined parameters in the begining of the operation.  
  
For example, for cooking a pie, putting all ingredients and mixing it, and the last operation that take more time it to bake it. At this time, i can doing other activities.  
  
Secondly, there are easy food to prepare that we buy half coocked. Its help people to eat quickely when they haven't time because of their time working, studying,...  
  
At the end, internet make available a of of websites with different recipes to prepare in a short time without experimental phase.  
  
All this arguments can help peple to not spend more time, and improve their productivity, learning more and doing activities.
M'hammed , I am sorry but I cannot continue to review this essay based on the 4 scoring bands. The reason that I cannot do so is because you only wrote 188 words for what should be a 250 minimum word essay. As such, this will get an automatic failing score had this been an actual test setting. This being your first attempt at writing a Task 2 essay, I will give you another chance to properly provide a minimum 250 word essay. I will score the 2nd presentation that you will be making. Consider this a failed attempt at writing the task 2 essay at this point. Prove to me that you can do better than this. Review the sample essays available here and learn how to properly discuss the various essay types so that you can write the minimum word requirement with your next practice test. I refuse to believe that this is the best that you can do. I look forward to reviewing your next essay that falls more under the required criteria for this task.