dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**An information on the aged of the populations of Yemen and Italy**  
  
## Aging societies in two different countries

  
  
A comparison and projection of five-decade populations between Yemen and Italy starts from 2000 to 2050 measured by pie chart. What stands out from the chart is that the 60+ years and 15-59 years in Yemen are projected to increase within fifty years. While the 0-14 years is forecast to decrease. In stark contrast with Italy, the 15-54 years will be a slight decrease while the rests are predicted to upward at the coming years.  
  
A significant increase is envisaged to 15-59 years in Yemen by 2050, a rise from 46.3% to 57.3% in five decades. A group of 60+ years, at the same time is also projected a slight increase in 2050 at 5.7%. compared with Italy, 15-59 years, is forecast to decrease within fifty years. The group 60+ years, what we have seen a slight increase in Yemen, in Italy is envisaged to a dramatic rise from 24. 1 % in 2000 to 342. 3 % by 2050.  
  
Coming to the highest percentages in Yemen, at over a half percent in 2000, the group of 0-14 years is envisaged to the second by the peak year, 13% percent downward. as to Italy, this remains stable in the lowest percentage even though this performs a slight increase in the next fifty years.
Philo, it is difficult for me to review the work that you did in this essay because you forgot to upload the image that contains the instruction prompt and comparison data. Trying to decipher if you accurately delivered on the requirements of the prompt is impossible without the required upload. The best that I can do for you now is just a general review of your work.  
  
First problem, the opening summary. It is supposed to be an overview that indicates the topic for discussion, type of image, measurement type, data provided, and discussion parameters. You launched into an immediate discussion of the image instead. Now, while the summary can be placed either at the beginning or the end of the essay, I do not see that anywhere in your presentation. Without that, your TA score will be reduced due to missing a task description in your essay.  
  
There are a few problems with your grammar accuracy. Always double check for spelling and proper grammar. All first words of a new sentence should be capitalized. Additionally, close the essay with 3 sentences for an increased opportunity in the GRA scoring range.  
  
Please do not bother to provide the image anymore. I will not be able to offer you a second review. Just remember to upload the image along with your next essay review request.
prompt:  
**Some people like to travel with a companion. Other people prefer to travel alone. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.**  
  
## ***I Prefer to Travel with a Companion***

  
  
In this busy world filled with hectic activities, tourism is more popular than ever, and everyone has their own style of travel. Some people prefer to travel with a companion while other people like to travel alone. Although traveling alone could experience the city deeply and have more freedom, personally, I believe that traveling with a companion is better. When you travel with a partner, you can get help when you need, save your money, and have more fun.  
  
First of all, you are safer and less concerned about occasional troubles. In an unfamiliar city, you might get lost, miss the bus station, or run into an accident etc.  
  
I went to Melbourne with a friend when I was in junior high school. We once visited a museum. However, we lost the way to return the hotel at the end of the day. I always do not have the sense of direction. So I was so nervous that my mind went blank. Fortunately, my friend was calm and brave. She checked the map, asked strangers nearby, and finally brought us back to the hotel. Everyone wants sincere help when he has problems during a trip.  
  
Moreover, it is more economical to travel with a companion. Money is a very big problem. In a tour, you have many things must do except seeing the spectacular landscape, such as booking hotel rooms and buying tickets. You are able to share a room and discount tickets with your partner as long as you travel together. On the other hand, if you travel alone, you should afford the trip by yourself. To have a companion is beneficial because you can save money on transportation, accommodations, and tickets. And that may even let you travel more days than you originally have planned.  
  
Beyond those reasons mentioned above, you could share joy and laughter with your companion on the journey. It is believed that joy shared with others are more enjoyed. For instance, when you see a breathtaking sunrise on Ali mountain, you can not only take a photography about the view but also share your happiness with your partner.  
  
To sum up, I prefer traveling with a companion to make a journey alone due to the reasons about security, expense, and pleasure.
Liu, when you write your essays, make sure that you always speak in completed paragraphs. That means, each thought process that you set to the screen needs to have at least 3 sentences in it. It creates an impression upon the reader and allows you to better show off your English composition skills. You really did write a highly impressive essay here. I would like to practice a few changes though. The changes are nothing major. These are just meant to help streamline the presentation of your essay.  
  
For starters, in the opening statement, after you state the thesis statement or subject sentence at the end of the paragraph, don't discuss any additional information. Save the longer explanation for the next paragraph. That will create an excellent introduction to the topic then move into a smooth transition to the actual discussion.  
  
Next, try to make sure that you create connecting paragraphs that always have a transition sentence at the end of each paragraph. The second paragraph that I told you was too short because it only has 2 sentences, it doesn't really fit in with the rest of the essay because it was not fully developed. If it were me who had written this essay, I would have deleted that part during the editing procedure. The whole essay is actually more interesting and engaging without those sentences in it.  
  
The paragraph is alright, but can be better. Try to sum up your discussion by recapping your discussion instead. It is always best to try and summarize the information to help remind the examiner about everything you have written. That makes it easier for him to decide if you stayed on track with the discussion or not. Remember, full paragraphs will help you gain a better score than a single summarized sentence. The idea is to show off your English skills so make sure you do that every step of the way.
**In recent years, pressure on School and university students has been increased and they are pushed to work very hard from a young age. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?**  
  
*Please help pointing out all the strengths and pweaknesses of my essay. Much appreciation!!!*  
  
## Learning without pressure?

  
  
The ever-rising tension for modern students to excel in every aspect has sparked concern. I firmly believe that this trend is only riddled with problems, in a sense that it overrides the joy of learning and limit the potential of such young minds, as will be explained in this essay.  
  
To begin with, education only achieves good outcome when learners are nurtured in a positive and encouraging environment, which is opposed the reality today. Some school systems are now obsessed with a narrow definition of success - with standardized testing, ranking, comparison and competition. This, not surprisingly, puts an unbearable burden on students, resulting in disinterest and misconception of learning as well as several mental illnesses such as anxiety, depression or even suicidal tendency. Such alarming pattern has been recorded in countries like Japan, Korea and possibly more in the upcoming time.  
  
Furthermore, vast majority of young people do not yet gain enough experience to make a decision of their career paths. Restricted within the setting of parents, teachers and classmates, these minds are still being molded, their understanding of many other issues are inadequate. Narrowing down a person's focus and options is a way to steal from him or her the opportunity to be broad-minded and creative. Whereas, the opposite direction, which means allowing students to explore the world from various perspectives, can have a wonderful effect. This has been proved in Finland, where education system routinely ranks top worldwide and is famed for minimizing testing and homework.  
  
In brief, despite the fact that pressurizing students may help them to be more ambitious, it seems to me that such pattern is rather problematic. Learning should be full of positivity instead of pressure. It is vital for schools, parents and students to be aware and cooperate to aim for a better education approac[h.  
  
[303 WORDS]
Nguyen, the strength of your essay lies in the method by which you discuss the body of paragraphs. The reasons you gave are sound and relevant to the topic provided. It is analytical and offers the reader an insight into the life of a student who has experienced the reasons that has been presented as supporting evidence for your stance on the topic. While your body of paragraph has done an excellent job of defining the parameters of your belief, your opening statement and closing paragraph have created weak points in your essay.  
  
The opening statement that you created does not follow the required parameters for the discussion. You mistakenly changed the prompt requirement from discussing the topic as a negative occurrence, you instead discussed the problems that stem from the tension the students undergo. This simple change in statement created a totally different essay discussion from the original which asked you to discuss the pressure on students as a negative or positive experience. The one thing that you have to remember about the opening statement is that, as a paraphrasing of the original instructions, you need to be very careful about your word choices. You should not choose to use words that will alter the original instruction in your restatement. That is because any prompt deviation will result in a failed TA score and as such, could affect the possibility of your passing or failing the essay test. In this case, although you did deviate from the prompt in the opening statement, your body of paragraphs still remained on track, explaining the topic as a negative. So your score will get some passing considerations. However, it will not score as highly in the overall sense because of the problematic TA presentation.  
  
Here is a sample of a more appropriate opening statement:  
  
*School and university students have experienced a rise in the pressure for them to succeed in their studies. There is a tendency for the educational system to push them to achieve more in terms of their academic development from the beginning of their educational career. In this essay, I will be discussing the reasons why the pressure on the students has resulted in a negative development.*  
  
The concluding statement posed another problem for you because you did not use it to close the discussion you were provided. Instead of concluding the essay, you continued to quickly discuss a few more related topics. The concluding statement can never be used to continue the discussion because it does not allow for more comprehensive discussion development. As such, you would have been scored down in those aspects as well.  
  
Now that you know where you made your mistakes, you can make an effort to not repeat the same in your next practice test. You have a good analytical approach to your discussion. Just make sure that you do not deviate from the prompt and that you close your essay instead of continuing the discussion so that you will be assured of a higher score in the next practice essay.
## A decision what to do after school

  
  
re postgraduates took further study as their goals, which is slightly more than those who decided to work part-time job. However, voluntary occupation that postgraduate students wanted to pursue made up the smallest proportion. In fact, it was just 345 people of the total amount in 7,230 postgraduates. At last, there were 1,625 postgraduate students who didn't have their job.  
  
When we compare two bar charts, it's clear that a majority of UK graduates and postgraduates made decisions to study further after they finished college courses in 2008. In contrast, both of them rarely plan to have voluntary job after leaving college. In addition to this trend, the difference that we will notice between the two bar charts is the percentage on the amount of students who preferred to do part-time job with only one-third of the total amount in graduate students and around a half with the postgraduate students.  
  
*
@BADJ You did a very good job in presenting the information from the charts on an individual and comparative basis. However, your summary overview and trending discussions are incomplete in the essay. While the summary overview can be located either at the beginning or the end of the essay, I always suggest that it be placed in the first paragraph so that it can help to increase your task accuracy score. By completely indicating the required information and discussion points, the outline for the essay will be able to assist the reader in assessing your summary report. The information that should be contained in your summary should be inclusive of the following:  
  
1. Type of graph and purpose of the graph  
2. Demographic being considered  
3. Data collection method  
4. Data type collected  
5. Discussion points that will be presented  
  
Your trending statement can either be incorporated into the opening paragraph or created as the topic statement for your first body paragraph. Your work in summarizing and comparing the information is exemplary. It shows a keen analytical mind and an attention to detail that not all exam takers have. Had you properly presented the summary overview, I have no doubt that you would have scored somewhere in the band score of 7 with this essay.
I would highly appreciate if you could give me some feedback on my essay and a possible band score. Thank you in advance!  
  
## social networking sites

  
  
**Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?**  
  
It is true that some people think that social networking sites have had a damaging effect on individual people as well as communities. While I agree that such sites as Facebook have caused detrimental impact on individuals and society, I believe that their benefits should not be neglected.  
  
On the one hand, the effects of Facebook and other social networking sites on each individual person and aggregate of people can be considered prejudicial. Social media sites can make us misconceive between the meaningful relationships fostered in the real world, and the various relationships established through virtual world. Rather than taking part in their local community, people are instead interested in people and activities online. Consequently, the relationships between citizens in real communities increasingly weaken. Moreover, social networking sites encourage people to be more public about their personal lives, which means that the users' privacy shall be easily invaded.  
  
On the other hand, it is absurd to deny the beneficial effects that online social media has had. Comparing to the time before the development of technology and social networking era, people easily lost track of their friends and hardly ever had opportunities to meet with people all around the world frequently like today. Another advantage that Facebook can offer is its social groups. This is of great use to individuals of the same interests to participate in discussions and share with each other. Last but not least, Facebook may come in handy in terms of updating information due to its functionality of newsfeed.  
  
In conclusion, although social networking sites include some disadvantages to each person and community, we should not dismiss all other outstanding aspects as detrimental.
Good essay but recommend you to write at least 2- 3 sentence at the conclusion.  
  
At second paragraph, I don't think that it is a great idea to start from on the one hand. Rather than this, 'First reason for my opinion is that~' would be nice at least to me.  
  
->effects of Facebook, other social networking sites on each individual person, and aggregate of people  
  
2. This is my personal opinion. If you can describe each content in detail, that would articulate your point. Since you compared both sides and do not support either pros or cons of social media, you had better describe how much severe the social media devesate the relationship in modern era and how much it endanger private issue.  
  
On the other hand, you also can articulate what kinds of value it can bring to our daily lives in detail, which could persuade readers to understand your point.
Tuan, this cannot be a good essay. It is a failing essay because you did not discuss the topic in the manner that was instructed of you in the original statement. You decided to discuss the positive effects of Facebook, in particular, when the instruction was for you to discuss the extent of your disagreement with the belief that social network as a negative impact on the public. There is no positive discussion to be given. Only a supporting discussion for the negative side. You will have automatically failed the TA section which means, that there is no way this essay can get a passing score. You created your own prompt requirement (the positive effect of social media) and then discussed that in a comparison manner in the essay. That is a totally irrelevant discussion that does not allow you to portray your English skills in the manner that the examiner expects to see. Such an error in the TA section, which is the total basis for the rest of the scoring elements, would result in an overall score of 1. That means that your response is not related to the task. As such, the rest of the scoring elements will no longer be considered. If you don't follow the prompt, you don't pass the test. It's as simple as that.
## computers in the life of a child

  
  
It is conspicuous that computers have a dual role as studying and relaxing gadgets. This device is functional for not only adults but also children. With parental supervision, computers will bring more benefits for children.  
  
The computer serves a great deal in helping children with their studies. They can rely on computers for finding essential information to resolve some exercises in their school, without parents helping or expensive reference books. There is no paucity of information on the Web and it is easy to access informational Web only by a mouse-click. Moreover, computers also supply various intelligent software and simulators which enable children to grasp knowledge and enhance their skills in an easier and faster way. For example, English software provides plenty of options and interesting applications to excite children curiously and ensure them get all the practice to gain better results in studying English.  
  
Not only have computers used in studying purposes, they are being widely used in entertainment. All our traditional amusement utilities like music, movies, art or games are available only on a computer. Among of this, children may be play computer games most. With developing of more and more attractive games, unfortunately, it is not difficult to get caught in the addiction.  
  
Children can spend much time on using computers. They will be becoming unbelievably lazy and physically inactive. More dangerous, constantly staring at the monitor screen stresses out their eyes and lead to a poor eye-sight as well. So, it is vital for parents to limit the number of time children do with computers and choose which tools are suitable for children.  
  
In general, it is highly likely that computers have been immense advances in children's education and entertainment. However, parents had better pay close attention to minimize disadvantages and help children use the computer in the best way.
Van, it is unfortunate that you forgot to upload the complete original prompt instructions along with your response essay. Without that, I cannot accurately assess your written work beyond the grammar presentation and flow of thought. As it is, it would seem that you did a thorough discussion of the topic as you understand it within the body paragraphs.  
  
The opening statement though, is a different matter. It doesn't really ring true as a reliable restatement of the original prompt. This is the problem that occurs when you just give us the essay to assess but not the complete original prompt to base our comments upon. The lack of guidance from the prompt means we are limited in the method by which we can review your work or make suggestions regarding your weak points. Your opening statement and concluding paragraph both do not contain the minimum 3 sentence requirement that would have qualified these statements as a complete paragraph. So you would lose points in the GRA section of the essay. I am not sure about the TA score because of the missing original prompt.  
  
Sadly, it is too late for you to post the original prompt at this point. As contributor who can properly advice you regarding the problem points of this essay, I am limited to giving you only one free review of your essay. Therefore, I will just hope that you will remember to post the complete requirements with your second essay so that I can better assess and advice you regarding improving your essay.
**Q. In many countries, there are 24-hour TV programmes. Is it a positive or negative development?**  
  
## Pros and cons of 24-hour TV programmes

  
  
Nowadays, 24-hour TV programmes have already become a part of our life all over the world, while a discussion has been ongoing regarding the advantages and disadvantages of this development. In this essay, I will elaborate the positive and negative influences which 24-hour TV programmes had on our lives.  
  
There are certainly many positive impacts on our life after the introduction of 24-hour TV programmes. Firstly, as televisions are good tools for information spreading, there are so many TV programmes, such as news and weather forecast, aim to provide people useful information. Without these TV programmes, it would be extremely inconvenient for us to live. Next, governments can announce new policies through advertisement, which is a really efficient measure. By the same token, we can also acquire knowledge and some professional skills from several educational TV programmes, such as Discovery. And, of course, most of TV programmes are formed to amuse publics, in my view, it is really important for modern people. Last but not least, as the developing of 24-hour TV programmes, it provides tens thousands of job opportunities and boosts the economy.  
  
By contrast, 24-hour TV programmes have affected our lives in a negative way for sure in many aspects. The crucial impact is on our health. I believe an increasing number of a sedentary lifestyle for the majority of people has something to do with the introduction of 24-hour TV programmes. People, in this day and age, tend to spend too much time sitting on a sofa and watching TV all day long. This phenomenon increases the risks of getting certain diseases, such as heart attack and obesity. Likewise, there are more and more inappropriate TV programmes for children. In order to raise income, so many unscrupulous TV companies seem to offer more exciting TV programmes which may include more violent and sexual scenes. This move might lead to wrong social values on children and create more turmoils.  
  
To sum up, in every corner of this world, the development of 24-hour TV programmes has lots of positive and negative impacts on our lives, and I believe that my article provides vital facts of both sides.