dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Happiness is considered very important in life. How is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieve happiness?  
  
Writing Task 2**  
  
Some people think that happiness is hard to be defined, whereas they relize that it is one of the most essential part in life because it can lead them into a successful life. However, I believe that there are some factors which can help people to gain joyfulness.  
  
With regard to some people who are not easy to describe enjoyment, because they never feel satisfied with their results that have been reached. For example, according to a publication from University of Tokyo Fujita in 2015, 23% of people in Tokyo were feel under pressure and stress because they could not buy a private transportation to get opulent lifestyle. 9% amidsts the violence had tried to suicide because of feel ashame. As a consequence, the figure might increase along with time due to lack of satisfied. Therefore, cheerfulness is very necessary for everybody.  
  
However, they are two main factors that can lead people to cheeriness, which are always feel grateful and always help each other. For instance, based on experienced of Joko Anwar, is a person who has no great liability. He always feel gratitude and never being tired to give a hand for someone who need it. With his restrictiviness, he is capable of build a foundation for underprivilage children who live in rural area. As a result, he is not only create happiness for himself, but also for other people who deserve to get it. Hence, feeling gratitude and taking care each other can create joyfulness.  
  
I concluded that the notion is true and happiness can be defined by some people who express themselve differently with reality. I believe that showing grateful and taking a part to provide a help for other people, are two key factors which someone can reach joyfulness. (293 words)
**Hi Miss Septi.  
Here are my correction for your essay in the side of contents. Please, you call your attention to my notes so that you do not make same mistakes.**  
  
Some people think that happiness is hard to be defined, whereas ...  
*I like your way to paraphrase the statement because that still has the same meaning. However, you have to sharpen your thesis statement. I have found your view clearly. Please, you show your response to two questions in the thesis statement. It can help to boost your score better. Those all can be described in one or two words.*  
  
For example, according to a publication from University of Tokyo Fujita in 2015, 23% of people ...  
*Scientific fact is one of supporting sentence the most meaningful. However, in this matter, your scientific did not relate to your opinion and did not touch the prompt. Be careful of picking the example up. It can make boomerang for your opinion. Consequently, your paragraph was out of the topic.*  
  
cheeriness  
it has different meaning with happiness  
  
For instance, based on experienced of Joko [...] hand for someone who need it.  
*Please, you rewrite this because that is bad flow. I have to pause to understand your mind. Keep in your mind that the main aim in this test is to communicate with readers, not to impress them.*
**The table above gives information on consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002.**  
  
The table shows the cost percentage of consuming various items in five different countries in 2002. Overall, most people in all of the five countries tend to spent their money on food, drinks, and tobacco than clothing/footwear and leisure/ education. The highest percentage of is Turkey in spending money on food, drinks, and tobacco consumption.  
  
According to data, Turkey was the highest consumption in meals, beverage, and tobacco about 32.14 percent. Ireland, Spain Italy were above Turkey in 28.91, 18.80, and 16.36. After that, Sweden had at least percentage in consumption food, drinks, and tobacco which was 15.77 percent.  
  
The highest consumer spending in clothing/footwear happened in Italy about 9 percent. The other five different countries had above 5 percent in those consumptions. The lowest percentage in Sweden which was 5.40 percent. In contrast, leisure/education category had under 4 percent in every different country. But the percentage of the highest consumption was 4.35 percent in Turkey and the lowest percentage was 1.98 percent in Spain.  
  
*   
*table*
**Hi Ifra.  
These are my thoughts towards your writing.**  
  
Overall, most people in all of the five countries tend to spent their money on food, drinks, and tobacco ...  
*Avoid the sentence like this. It can be not defined as the overview. It seemed as the hackneyed sentence. The overview includes key features clearly but could be more fully extended. That is the usual information because it is a part of table.*  
  
The highest percentage of is  
REREAD YOUR SENTENCE BEFORE YOU UPLOAD  
  
*I have read your body paragraph closely and found some things which you have to improve. First, the sense of comparisons did not seem clear here. I do not know why you work like this. I think you still need more time to work this and are not in rush. I remember you again that your job in the writing task 1 is to compare the figures, not to describe separately. You cannot get the high score on condition that you cannot present the element. Following this, Do not forget to put the information about the quantity. You should write 28.91%. Avoid making multi-interpretations. Lastly, you have to have a bravery to transfer the data to the reality circumstances so that this is more interesting.*  
  
But the percentage  
You should learn different function between the conjunction and transitive word.  
  
**I really believe you can master this. You are only patient to pass the process. As many as you practice, you can be competent in this skill as soon as possible.  
  
keep writing  
GOOD LUCK**
The highest percentage of **THAT,** is Turkey in spending money ...  
1. Don't forget to add connector "THAT"  
  
Ireland, Spain, and Italy were ~~above~~below Turkey in 28.91, ...  
2. above : di atas. Below : dibawah  
  
Sweden had ~~at~~ least percentage in ...  
3. at least : minimal : usually using like that : at least 65% bla bla bla. So it is not appropriate
**Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness?**  
  
Happiness is a goal for living gained by people in many ways. Happiness itself differ from one to another and it cannot be explained by words because it comes from our feeling that we gained. It is the reason why it is too difficult to define and most of us are still trying to find out the happiness trough life.  
  
A psychologist and author named Dr. Shefali Tsabary defined the happiness. He said that only when we fill our own need and feel satisfied from within can we truly be fulfilled and happy. In his definition, we can conclude that if someone has a desire, they make it happen successfully and gain the happiness. For instance, an artist who finished drawing a beautiful landscape feels happiness even his paint cannot sell to public. But his goal is different from others thinking of him. He wants to finish that and he will be happy. As a result, happiness which is hard to define has various goals from different people.  
  
There are many ways to achieve happiness and everybody have different aspects in gaining happiness. Some of them will be happy if they do a little thing. In contrast, others will gain the happiness if they reach something hard as high as mount everest. For instance, i am happy when i successfully clean my entire room but, my father will be happy if he can reach the highest position in his office. So, happiness in every person can be define in different ways.  
  
To conclude, happiness is everyone's goals and each person has many different things to get the happiness. If we satisfied in something that we reached, we can fulfil our happiness.
Hello Miss Ifra.  
I have read your essay closely and found some which you should improve. I focus on your contents, but I really hope you can review my patches so that you can enhance quality of your essay.  
  
Happiness itself differ from one to another and it cannot be explained ...  
*Well, you successfully show thesis statement separately. I got points of your opinion. However, you have to analyze there were 2 sentences so that you are supposed to give the statement totally.*  
  
What factors are important in achieving happiness?  
*If you wanna reach a higher score, you have to create the thesis statement clearly about your view, whereas those are only described by one or two words.*  
  
A psychologist and author named Dr. Shefali Tsabary defined the happiness  
*The main aim of essay is to demonstrate your analyze and opine so that you avoid the opinion of others in the first sentence. I think it can be used to encourage your opinion. It will make the expert's opinion more dominant.*  
  
In his definition, we can conclude that if someone has a desire, they make ...  
*Honestly, you unsuccessfully touched the prompt. The question asks you to explain why the happiness is difficult to define. Fine, you explain little in the least sentence, but you did not explain systematically and did not give logic flow.*  
  
*Turning to the second body paragraph, your explanations were out of the topic. Please, focus on the prompts. those all can make your score fall down whereas your grammar is very good. one of the essential factors is task response. I really hope you can show the positive progress* in the next term.  
  
**Keep Spirit  
GOOD LUCK  
:D**
as we read many articles about improving the personal appearance, there are a lot of ways without cosmetic surgery. in this case i want to summarize it for you all. one of the most important ways for beauty and having look great is getting enough sleep that its called beauty sleep! anyone should get sleep at least 8 hours just at night to fading out their wrinkles. another way is drinking a lot of water at least 8 glasses a day. accomplishing this work will curb your appetite to thirsty and some stoppage your starvation. also one way is physical exercise like body building, football, aerobic sports, volleyball and different else just on a regular basis. this exercises will make your muscles firm and some tight and this actions prevent the fatness and decrease your weight. you felt well when ever you did this exercises. and the most important way is diet! everybody can dedicate health to themeselves by choosing the low calories foods and high antioxidants that could find on vegetables and darkly colored fruits like carrots, spinage, blueberries. also you must choosing the foods that riches in protein that it could be find on nuts, beans, fishes. exactly we'll find many ways to improve appearance by some investigations on internet but somebody thinks that its unhandy and unaccessible. so just go to the net! i must say one of the way is facial! some people who are very intelligent, they makes the side whiskers and moustaches for theirselves to change the people focusses from nose to moustaches!
Hi and welcome to essayforum :)  
Here are my suggestions for you.  
  
... in this case(,)~~i~~I want to summarize ...  
... beauty and having ~~look great~~good looking is getting enough sleep ~~that its~~ called as beauty sleep!  
... sleep at least 8 hours ~~just~~ at night to ...  
  
this exercises will make your ~~muscles firm~~firm muscle and some tight ...  
... you felt well whenever you did this exercises. ...  
... can dedicate health to themselves by choosing the low (...), spinage, blueberries. also(,) you must ~~choosing~~choose the foods that riches in protein that it could be ~~find~~found on nuts, beans, fishes. ~~exactly~~ we'll exactly find many ways (...) some investigations on the internet but somebody thinks that its unhandy and ~~unaccessible~~inaccessible .  
  
Suggestions:  
please make a summary with a good paragraphing. you can give your idea in your body paragraph. Also, make an attention to your grammatical structure, especially in small parts such as comma after introductory words, and "I" should be written in capital letter.  
  
Goodluck.
**The graph above shows the quantities of goods transported in the UK between 1974 and 2002 by four different modes of transport.**  
  
The line graph shows information about the quantities of goods in million tonnes based on four different types of transports from 1974 to 2002 in the UK. Overall, there has been an upward trend in various modes of transport figures over the period and the most significant growth was road.  
  
During this period, transfer of goods by rail and pipeline only under 50. Between 1974 and 1994, the amount of items in pipeline rise gradually From 5 to 25 then steady until 2002. In contrast, the figures of pipeline was an annual decrease until reached the bottomed at 30 in 1994. However, in the next quarter, it increased by more than 10 and reached a peak at 42 in 2002.  
  
The transportation by water stood at 38 while road 70 in 1974. Then, there was a slight increase for both until 1978 and followed by went up a lot to 58 for water while road decline slightly in 1982. There was remained constant for water before 1994 but then fell back to 55 in 1998. Meanwhile, road increase enormously, although there was fluctuation before it achieved the highest at 94 in 2002.  
  
*
Merieza, there is an incomplete overview in your opening paragraph. You must always present at least 3 sentences in each paragraph in order to display the impression that you understood the information you were presented with. The increased sentence count also allows you to better represent the complete information as per the graph presentation. There is also a lack of a proper concluding statement. Without the proper recap or repeated summary at the end, the requirements of the essay format are not properly met. The information presented is not smooth and lacks the proper reference words in order to create a proper flow of conversation and representation of the unit of measurement used in the graph. That unit of measurement must be consistently represented in the information because without it, the reader gets lost regarding the measurements being presented.
**The graph above shows the quantities of goods transported in the UK between 1974 and 2002 by four different modes of transport.**  
  
The line graph illustrates the number of stuff in million tonnes that has been delivered by four methods of transportation from 1974 to 2002 in the UK. Overall, it can be seen that there is an upward trend over twenty eight-years period and road is the highest transportation that is used in the same period with always more than sixty.  
  
In 1974, road had higher number to deliver goods at about 70 than pipeline only at about 5. Between 1974 and1978 there was a slight increase in the number of roads but pipeline was steady. In the following years, pipeline went up to about 20 while road had a fluctuation. After that, in 2001 road hit a high point at about 95 which pipeline still the lowest number of four categories with about 20.  
  
In the other hand, the equipment transported by rail and water almost the same number with about 38. After there was a cross between rail and water, water increased and water fell in 1978. From 1986 to 1990 rail and water were steady at about 37 and about 60 respectively.
Hi mr. Mardian. Here are my suggestions for you  
  
... stuff in million tonnes that has been delivered by four methods ...  
use the present perfect tense when the data is available until the present time (assumption 2016).  
  
... but pipeline was steady **(at ?)**.  
... while road had a fluctuation (try to write down the data for the road) .  
  
Overall, you present the data in a well-developed and simple form.  
again, don't forget to upload the graph before starting new thread.  
  
Goodluck and Keep Spirited.
Hello Mardian, let me give you some suggestions  
... the number of stuff(S )(It is better if you change it into plural form because there are many stuffs in quantity ) in million tonnes that has(so, then you change the verb agreement ) been delivered by four methods of transportation(s ) from 1974 to ...  
  
After that, in 2001 (be careful l) road hit a ~~high~~ (highest ) point at about 95 which pipeline (was ) still the lowest ...  
  
keep practising
Hallo.. here some notes about your essay..  
  
... illustrates the number of ~~stuff~~(stuff is informal, you can replace it with items or products) in million tonnes that ~~has~~had been delivered by ...  
  
... used in the same period ~~with always more than sixty~~ (do not put any figures in overview ).  
  
~~In~~On the other hand,(...) same number with ~~about~~ approximately 38.  
... steady at about 37 and ~~about~~ 60 respectively.  
  
Good luck
When it comes to whether or not we should get away from our parents as soon as possible for the independence, some may claim that it appears justifiable since it can make one independent soon. However, this belief apparently ignores that the society is much more complex than we think and it may cause those who are not mature enough to be deceived when they have no parents around them. Thus it is fair to conclude that it is better to live with parents for a longer time.  
  
First of all, our parents definitely have a lot more knowledge and experiences than us, which means we can always learn from them while we live together. And as result, It is evident that we can grow mature and sophisticated much sooner. For instance, my sister has worked for almost three years and she is still live with us. And always can I hear that my sister ask my parents for some issues happened in her company. And hardly cannot my parents solve her problems, which, I think, totally help my sister's career life. However, people who have already left their parents cannot easily find someone experienced enough for the guidance.  
  
In addition, family member especially parents are the most significant relations in one's life. Not only can we share happiness and sorrow with them, but we can also do something childish to give vent to our bad feelings to them, which will absolutely help one's mental health. In other words, those who cannot take out their sorrow in time undoubtfully will easily be sick both in manual and mental.  
  
Last but not the least, people now have less time to cook themselves due to the heavy work. And many may have to eat out for the whole weekdays. However, those who live with parents can always eat at home and enjoy the good dishes, which in turn make their performance in work better. Furthermore, I still remember my cousins who live alone have a quite bad life habits such as smoking and drinking to much, which ultimately make him unhealthy.  
  
To a conclusion, we should examine the issue beyond its surface value to root its cause. Only in this way, can we know living with parents for a longer time is better. Since, on the one hand, we will have a healthier and happier life, meanwhile, we can have better behaviors in the career. In short, it is worthwhile to live with parents for a longer time.
Xin, I wish that you had attached the original prompt along with your essay. That prompt is supposed to be the basis of our analysis of your essay. At this point, I can only hazard to guess the type of question you were provided and the extent of your compliance with the prompt. While the essay is well thought out and shows a clear flow of thought and development of discussion, I feel like there should have been more of a balance in your discussion through the comparison of the pros and cons of children living with their parents for a longer period of time. I believe that your opinion is good and sound. There are a number of positive points in this essay actually.  
  
First of all, your flow of thought is smooth and transfers in an understandable method into paragraph form. Second, you based the proofs in your essay on commonly known reasons which help to create the impression that you are capable of thinking in English and forming coherent thought and speech patterns. Finally, your language may not be smooth but you certainly engaged the reader in a manner that did not stress the reader out while reading your work.
**In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.  
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this**  
  
Before entering university students in many countries do some activities. It can be working or traveling. However, there are positive and negative effects by doing those things in their free time.  
  
Studying in university is something serious that need to be prepared. Some students tend to use their time for working before entering university. It is very useful because they can get more experience that can increase their knowledge in work field. Also they can learn how to interact professionally with other people that can be implemented when they are studying in university. In further advantage, students will get money by working. They can use it for their necessity in college or pay enrolment in university. In other hand, student choose traveling instead of working because they want to refresh their mind after doing exam in senior high school and hopefully they will ready to study in the next step.  
  
However, there are disadvantages while they decide to travel or work before beginning university as well. If they travel to some places, they do not have money to continue to university. After that, If they are working, they do not have much time to study. It is very essential because the method for studying in university is totally different than when they are in senior high school. So, they must self-study to understand the subject in university.  
  
All in all, although, work and travel for a year before beginning university can give good impact students need to study as well. In my opinion, I suggest that students can work or travel only in a half year before class begin in university and the rest of that is used for studying to make it easier when they are in university.
hello, Mr., @mardian24 :)  
let me give you some suggestions :)  
  
... necessity in college or pay ~~enrolment~~ =>enrollment in [the ] university. In ~~other~~ =>another hand, student (...) their mind after doing [an ] exam in senior high ...  
  
It is [~~very~~ ] essential because the ...  
  
... half year before class ~~begin~~ =>begins in university ...  
  
good luck :)
The line graph provides information about four types of transport that delivered things in the UK from 1974 to 2002. Overall, it can be seen that delivered objects by road was the most used while using pipeline was the lowest during the period.  
  
To start with, in 1974 the number of materials transported by road stood at 70 million tonnes. It was followed by using of rail, water, and pipeline in serial. Four years later, using road was a slight increase in almost 80 million tonnes. Then, water and rail reached the same quantity of goods to deliver by 40. However, pipeline was stable at the same number. Between 1982 and 1986, the number of objects was contained by pipeline increased to around 20. Delivering by road and water experienced declining and inclining in serial. However, transporting rail was stable.  
  
Between 1990 and 2002, conveying things used four kinds of transport increased generally. Road was a dramatic incline from 80 to almost 100 million tonnes. Water and rail went up from 60 and just under 40 to 70, and over 40 respectively. Nevertheless, water ever fell to 50 in 1998 and rail to 30 in 1994. Then pipeline experienced stable of goods quantity after reached a peak at over 20 in around 1994. 211w  
  
*