dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Hi, if you see my essay and intend to give feedback, would you mind giving me a detailed one in terms of Grammar and Vocab, Task Response & Achievement and Cohesion & Coherence? I'm not being needy; I just think that I would adjust my writing more effectively if I knew in detail what is wrong in my essay. Thank you in advance!!**  
  
*International tourism has brought enormous benefits to many places. At the same time, there is concern about its impact on local inhabitants and the environment. Do the disadvantages of international tourism outweigh the advantages?*  
  
## a boon to many countries

  
  
As air travel becomes affordable, international tourism has proved a boon to many countries, especially developing ones. However, its popularity can pose serious problems to local inhabitants and environment. In my opinion, despite drawbacks, international tourism is still economically and culturally beneficial.  
  
To begin with, there are three main disadvantages to developing this industry. Firstly, the upsurge of tourists can put great strain on local wildlife and ecosystems as the latter can be polluted or destroyed to make space for tourist facilities. This can seriously threaten the survival of many endangered species and affect life qualities of local inhabitants. Secondly, the rise of international tourism can result in many businesses striving to offer as much luxury to tourists as possible, making local services inaccessible to residents with average to low incomes. Finally, this industry can wipe out traditional businesses since more people will shift towards tourism-centred ones for greater profits.  
  
However, I believe that such drawbacks can be outweighed by the following benefits. As a result of developing international tourism, more resources will be directed towards the conservation of natural environment, thus providing safer and better-maintained wildlife habitats. The industry also contributes largely to economic prosperity and brings numerous job opportunities and stable incomes. In addition to this, such tourism model helps to promote cultural heritage which would have otherwise been forgotten. For instance, Vietnam has recently attracted an increased number of foreigners to craft villages thanks to its well-established tourist industry. The rising demand of traditional handicrafts has revived one of the oldest-known businesses that would have faded into obscurity.  
  
In conclusion, international tourism can be a contributory factor to economic development and cultural promotion, setbacks notwithstanding.
@barryha2705  
Hi there. I apologize if those were insufficient. I'll do my best to give out opinions with more clarity in them to better assist your writing endeavors.  
  
I appreciate the structure and logical coherence of the first paragraph because you took the readers step by step with what they should expect from the upcoming text. Keep this up.  
  
While the second paragraph is great, I heavily suggest trying to be more specific and incorporating more concrete examples and/or illustrations. When you mention that tourism can affect the local lives, try to illustrate and describe with detail what this picture looks like. If you can give out a real-world example, the better it would be.  
  
Keep yourself grounded with appropriate pauses to have more structure.
\*\*\*Please give me some feedback about my essay. I really am grateful for you help!!!  
  
## study of space and planets - is it worth the money?

  
  
It is true that some governments around the world support the study of space and planets financially. Personally, I completely disagree with the idea that the funds should be reallocated to important public services  
  
I believe that governments should stop investing in public services. It is difficult to make sure that the money spent on these services can be managed properly. People, especially those in high positions, have become more materialistic and greedy than ever before and they often take advantage of their power. For example, it has been recently reported that many corrupt school and hospital managers in Vietnam have stolen money from the funds intented for building new facilities. Furthermore, more investment in civil services is likely to lead to an increasing overdependence on the government. This means that people who work in these fields may become less creative and more passive. When problems arise, the only solution they can think of is to ask for government assistance  
  
By contrast, there are some reasons why government funding for space programmes should be encouraged instead. Firstly, scientific knowledge and innovations gained from studying space science will help advance the developments in other scientific fields and benefit many areas of our lives. For example, while looking for a longer lasting energy source for spaceships, space scientists have created a pannel that can store solar energy for 10 months in the early of 2015. Such inventions certainly can be used to reduce our dependence on fossil fuels, thus slowing down global warming. Secondly, space flights possess the ability to create educational interest in scientific subjects. For example, millions of people around the globe stayed up all night to watch the news about the discovery of an earth-like planet discovered in 2010. Such events means that the general public, especially young students, are insprired to find out more about science and mathematics. An increase in the number of scientist in all scientific fields is certain in the future.  
  
In conclusion, I do not believe that we should spend the budget on public servcies and stop funding space projects
@Langnhatque  
Hello there! Given that you're new here, welcome to the forum! I hope you find this writing feedback to be helpful to your endeavors.  
  
The initial opening line needs a bit of enhancement. Try to create a thesis statement that would have more of an argumentative approach to it rather than blatantly informative. If you do this, you'll be able to add more details to the text provided.  
  
Furthermore, while giving out your personal opinions is alright for the chunk of the text, try to avoid doing this too much. Balance it out with general thoughts and opinions. For example, take a look at your second paragraph. You immediately began it with an opinionated line.  
  
Remember to also be cautious of structured writing at all times.
**As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## service for society

  
  
It is argued that enterprises need to not only earn money but also be responsible for social contribution. I strongly agree with the idea that businesses have to do more for society than making money only.  
  
On the one hand, companies must collect money by selling their products since the earnings are supporting thousands of people, including employees and their families. Furthermore, to account for a bigger share of the market, it is essential for them to spend a lot of money on an advertisement of service, discounts on newly-introduced items, and an expansion on their production line. For example, Nike used to sell their product only in the United States and accumulate a great amount of fortune. It was not until a bigger demand required all around the world that Nike has spent a lot increasing their factories in Asia, Europe, and Africa, making them the biggest sports companies.  
  
On the other hand, being responsible for society may have a positive effect on enterprises. The selfless contribution to people can attract their attention, leaving a good impression on this kind of action from profitable companies. The reputation built from consumers may lead them willing to buy products and help companies to earn more for further investment on scales. According to a recent study, it is found that once a business goes through volunteer service to the neighborhood, the profit will increase by about 20%.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that besides maximizing profits, companies have to service for society's good.
@s410377088  
Hi there. I hope you're doing good! I'll be giving you writing feedback on this work. If you have more inquiries, don't hesitate to approach us for the input.  
  
While I appreciate the straightforward and clean writing technique you had implemented in the first parts of the text, I would recommend looking into utilizing pauses and punctuation a lot more to assist you in writing. For instance, there should have been a comma before the *but* in the first sentence. Be cautious of these small mistakes.  
  
I appreciate your usage of bold examples to back your thoughts. Keep this up!  
  
Aside from this, I suggest adding more into the concluding remarks. It appears to be an unfinished paragraph because of the lack of opening and closing thesis statements that are usually sought after in the text.
*Essay topic: Many people say that family is the most powerful influence on a child's development. However, some people suppose that other factor (such as music, friends,) have a great influence on children. Discuss both views and give your opinions.*  
  
## family plays the most overriding role

  
  
Essay:  
Many people think that children's development predominantly depends on family, whereas others suppose it depends on other factors like music, friend. This essay will examine the debate and give my opinion.  
  
To begin with, family is the very first and primary environment in which a child grows up. They spend their majority of time at home, this amount of time even much more for children who under 5 years old. In this environment, children's personality, habit and lifestyle will be created and nourished. It is conspicuous that kids usually imitate exactly adults' behavior and manner. Therefore, parents will have the most essential effect on children's growth. Specifically, if a child matures in a family which has a drunk and violent father, he would likely to follow the father's footstep and become a father's copy version.  
  
On the other hand, other factors like music and friend also contribute to kid's growth. When children get older and go to school, they will have exposure to their friends and teachers, which can improve and maybe change their perception. Besides, something like music or sports also can help children develop both mental and physical health. According to a study, if a mom listens to music on a regular basis in her pregnancy term, her child possibly is a genius.  
  
Personally, I think, although, there are a lot of things affect children's development, family effect still plays the most overriding role. It will build the foundation; this foundation in association with other factors like music and friend will stimulate significantly children's growth. Therefore, parents should have a suitable method of teaching kids.
@ththao\_99  
Hi there! Welcome back here. I hope you've been doing well with your learning endeavors. I'll be giving you feedback on this essay to hopefully help you in your writing endeavors.  
  
While I appreciate the straightforward approach in the first paragraph, it can still be improved by ensuring that the text laid out would be thoroughly dissected. For instance, try to just directly mention that the other factors are instead of reiterating that these factors do exist. Notice how the former simplifies complex thoughts to pinpoint clarity of text.  
  
You should apply these text simplification techniques even until your second paragraph. Your text still somehow comes up as cluttered here because you appeared to be rather blabbering than maintaining a logical approach to writing.
## motorized people and shopping

  
  
In some countries, consumers are shopping at larger out-of-town stores instead of small stores. People without cars have limited access to out-of-town stores and this results in an increase in the use of cars. Do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages  
  
In some countries, car use is gaining in popularity as a result of the proliferation of out-of-city shopping malls instead of local stores. In my opinion, the merits and demerits of this trend are generally equal.  
  
On the upside, there are plausible reasons why the growing number of cars is beneficial. First and foremost, the development of car ownership meets people's requirement. In today's world, when shops located in the suburb become more prevalent, the demand for transportation is on the rise. For this reason, cars seem to be an appropriate choice for consumers because they offer flexibility and mobility. Therefore, people can save a great deal of time when shopping in these places. In addition, the increase in the use of cars can boost the car industry in many countries. Hence, there are higher opportunities for candidates to get a promotion in this industry.  
  
On the downside, the rising rate of car use may cause inherent problems. To begin with, many people have limited access to cars because they are prohibitively expensive. Even if they can afford a car, they have to pay extra for other facilities such as petrol consumption and maintenance. Consequently, they are prone to be impoverished. More seriously, the widespread use of cars can exert destructive effect on the environment. To be more specific, car emissions and hard harmful chemicals produced by cars may lead to air pollution, which exacerbated the ecological system. Thus the environmental problems like global warming are at an alarming rate as well as human health.  
  
To sum up, the increasing number of cars have both advantages and disadvantages. As a consequence, people should maximize the benefits and reduce the potential problems.
@Winter  
Hello there. I'll provide you with writing feedback on this essay! Hopefully this will help you improve your writing skills.  
  
Firstly, you need to work on improving the organization of your thoughts because it appears to be rather cluttered still. I highly suggest that you try your best to ensure that the details are laid out clearly in the open, assuring that the meaning would be relayed effectively. For instance, your current second paragraph appears to be quite out of place. Try to merge these thoughts to the introductory paragraph to save some space.  
  
Furthermore, I would also try to encapsulate and cap your concluding paragraph a little bit more. Add more personal takes and analysis on this written work to help you.
## recidivism phenomenon

  
  
It is true that a large number of criminals are likely to recommit crimes after punishment. There are several reason for repeating crimes and the goverments could mitigate this issue by appropriate policies.  
  
Firstly, it is difficult to find jobs because of past criminal record as well as lack of vocational skills. For example, employers usually do not hire ex-prisoners because they scare ones will commit crimes again. Additionally, although they might be reformed individual, society just see them as a guilty, therefore, they have become more and more complex themselves. Consequently, ex-prisoners tend to get into crime so as to get over their poverty. Secondly, they want to earn money quickily as before so they quited vocational training in order to continuing illegal acts such as: bulglary, exortion, blackmail, pickpocket,... They are used to making money easily so they cannot stop it even afer getting punished.  
  
The government should propose reasonable policies to curb this problem as soon as possible. Prisons should provide offenders with education as vocational training so that they get the job easier when they are realeased. In addition, the responsibility of police department to educate the public about different aspect of any crime. Therefore, they can create acceptance for reformed criminals and give them opportunities to lead a normal life.  
  
In coclusion, it is clearly that any ex-criminals could commit crimes again after serving a long time in prison but if society provide suitable measure to correspond to the causes, this problem would decrease significantly
@thuhanguyen9599  
Hello there. Welcome to the forum!  
  
I'll be providing you with writing feedback on this work.  
  
I personally appreciate the straightforward writing approach that you have. You were able to expound without needing to add excessive detail that derail the meaning of the text.  
  
A recommendation I would put forward is to evade the usage of informal language and structures. For instance, observe the flow of the last sentences of your second paragraph. While the initial portions were alright, the latter was quite messy when it came to explaining thoroughly your sentiments.  
  
Remember to continuously use firm and concrete examples to back your words. This will essentially help you be more fruitful with your words.
## recycling awareness through education

  
  
Some people believe that more residential waste should be recycled and the sole solution to this is to make regulations about recycling. From my perspective, I disagree with that idea.  
  
On the one hand, it is true that governments can encourage people to recycle more by promugating new laws. People would be more careful and diligent in recycling if they knew there was someone watching them. Besides, penalties such as fines or community service may serve as a deterrence to future wrong - doings. In contrast, if goverments do not make recycling things compulsory, residents may skip doing whenever they are unwilling or busy. After all, using a little force is good in some circumstances like this.  
  
On the other hand, I do not support the claim that legal requirement is the only way to solve this problem. Even if governments command people to recycle throw - aways, there is no ensurance that they will do as they are told. Similar cases are to be found with laws about illegal logging or poaching as well. Therefore, what lies at the center of an effective solution is not rules but people's awareness. Educating people to notice the urgent environmental issues we are facing and how can we address them by recycling waste is the most effective solution. It is easier to do anything to which we put our minds and hearts.  
  
In conclusion, although making recycling mandatory can serve as a solution to the waste problem, it is better for goverments to raise people's awareness through education.
**Hi, if you see my essay and intend to give feedback, would you mind giving me a detailed one in terms of Grammar and Vocab, Task Response & Achievement and Cohesion & Coherence? I'm not being needy; I just think that I would adjust my writing more effectively if I knew in detail what is wrong in my essay. Thank you in advance!!**  
  
## subjects of substantial influences on students' lives

  
  
*Topic: Students should be taught academic knowledge so that they can pass exams, and skills such as cooking and dressing should not be taught. To what extent do you agree/disagree?*  
  
It is argued that academic knowledge is necessary for students to meet the demand for exams. As a result, skills such as cooking or dressing should be abolished in school's curriculum. From a personal point of view, I strongly disagree with this idea. In this essay, I am going to analyse why these basic skills should be considered as compulsory subjects in school.  
  
To begin with, it is conspicuous that academic subjects are no substitute for essential living skills. Suppose that academic knowledge plays an indispensable role in student's study and work, likewise the abilities to cook and get dressed in their social life. Dressing, in particular, has a major impact on student's image. To illustrate, when going to an interview for a new job or entering a new working environment, students who dress well will give people an undoubted better impression than the ones with inappropriate styles. On account of that these skills are not innate, they should be taught at school as subjects.  
  
Another reason why skills such as getting dressed and cooking should not be abandoned is that the lack of these skills can result in the degradation of student's life quality. For instance, many school children these days have to eat junk food as substitute for main meals due to the inability to cook. As a result, many of them suffer from obesity at an early age. In fact, many parents either do not have time to accommodate their children with such skills or do not want to teach them since they consider these skills as insignificant in comparison with exams which require academic knowledge. Therefore, it is school's responsibility to equip student with these vital skills.  
  
To conclude, despite the need of academic knowledge for standard exams, skills such as cooking and dressing should still be in students'favour because of their substantial influences on their lives.
Hi @gracie2002,  
This is my feedback in terms of coherence. I hope that it will be helpful.  
I think your essay isn't clear enough. Specifically, in the second and the third paragraph, you mentioned 2 reasons why soft skills should be taught but they are quite similar. In fact, I think, they are one which is the importance of soft skills in real life. The only difference between 2 paragraphs is in the second one, you took get dressed skill as an example and the third, you took cooking.  
  
Besides, I think skills mentioned here is not just get dressed and cooking, it also can be communication skill or self-study skill, and so on. You also can take them as examples.  
  
This is just my opinion, you can take it or leave it.
## today more and more people are using mobile phones and computers

  
  
It is believed that those relying on phones and computers to talk will gradually lack direct communication ability. First, this consequence results from overusing technological devices in the are of the digital world. For example, people tend to leave a message to invite their next-door mates for dinner, instead of talking in person. That is a specific case for many others which make human- beings spend more time typing than hanging out. Another reason is that no matter how much time it takes to reply when people are online chatting. If the messages were not answers instantly the time they are received, they could be left for another 10 minutes, even for days. Thus, there is no fulfil interaction. People cannot hesitate for such a long period while they are in a conversation face to face. So if you got acquainted with chit and chat indirectly, you would probably not know how to respond to real case quickly and smartly.  
  
That mobile phones and computers usage leads to the diminution of facial communication is not true at all, however. First of all, this trend is so convenient that it can enhance people' s relationships. For instance, you are living far from your grandparents so it is difficult for you to meet and talk to them regularly. In that case, technology seems to be helpful and essential to maintain daily conversations with closers. Secondly, phones and other appliances connected to the Internet can simulate actual conversations through Skype, Messenger or Zalo. Now that these apps provide people with many functions that allow seeing the other's face during the conversation, people can not only communicate but also save driving time and avoid bad weather.
@maiko tran  
Hello there. Welcome to the forum! I hope you find this feedback beneficial for your learning of the language and for your future tests. You can keep coming to us for feedback!  
  
First and foremost, essays typically consist of three paragraphs. While having less is alright and uncommon, it would be better to stick to this normative structure to help you have a simplified and no-fuss approach to writing. Separate your paragraphs, merge together when necessary, and add pauses when you can. The reason why these rules exist is to serve as guidelines for establishing a beginning, a body, and a concluding remark. Remember this.  
  
Ensure that you're also using the appropriate formal language. Using lines such as "*chit chatting*" appears rather informal. If you can evade this, the better it would be.  
  
Best of luck in your writing endeavors.