dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***Spoken communication is more powerful than written communication.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
There is an opinion that oral communication is more effective than written word. Personally, I wholeheartedly disagree with this statement and this essay will give some points below.  
  
One might argue that verbal language is a more powerful means of communication than written language. This is based on the assumption that spoken language is informal and usually involves body language and facial expressions. Therefore, it can be better understood by people of all ages than written language with often long sentences in complex tenses. Evidence can be seen in the way many young children who have not learnt to read and write yet can easily communicate with their parents, for example, by talking or crying.  
  
Despite the benefits outlined above, I believe that written communication plays a more integral roles than oral interaction. Since there are no records, the latter's ability to convey information effectively, though present, is restrained to the time and place that the process of communication takes place. Meanwhile, written language promotes communication across space and time as long as the medium (maybe books, articles, magazines, to name a few) exists. In this sense, written language can serve as solid evidence for future reference in case any confusions or conflicts occur. Besides, human can widen their knowledge through studying historical documents archived in the form of written texts that could otherwise evaporate by word of mouth.  
  
In conclusion, it is my view that written interaction is of more significance than verbal language for reasons associated with permanence.  
  
I will be very grateful to receive your feedbacks.
Your prompt restatement is accurate as it refers to an opinion stated by someone else as a fact, rather than you stating that it is a fact. Good job. Your opinion presentation is very good and uses the correct measured response. The problem with the presentation? It lacks the thesis statement. What is the short form of the basis of your opinion? Consider presenting it in summary form and indicating the long form explanation after it. That increases the preliminary score.  
  
When discussing this essay, it is important that the writer uses the correct comparison discussion format. That is to say, the writer should show evidence of the appropriateness or correctness of the public opinion first, then he should present his counter discussion as to why that is incorrect. By doing so, you prove the strength of your opinion based on an incorrect belief system. Done twice, in separate paragraphs, with different reasons, you will provide a highly concrete supporting presentation for your opinion and properly meet the C+C scoring criteria. While this essay format will still receive a score and, it may be a passing one, a higher and more than average score may be provided using the format I presented above.  
  
As for the reverse paraphrase section, the concluding summary does not quite meet the necessary requirement of 40 words covering at least 2 sentences. So that section may not receive a helpful score during an actual exam.  
  
Good job though. You proved that you understood the writing topic and instruction. You just need to use a better response format next time. Not bad for a beginner.
## technology at school

  
  
Using technology as educational tools has a variety of advantages such as helping students more easily approach information, learning with multiple styles and promoting working together. Firstly, since the internet developed, it has changed the way students' study and research from only books or documents to technological devices like projectors, smart phones and computers. Thus, learners can access and retain more materials than before, so this is convenient and not difficult. In addition, social media shows us that many learners from regions lead to many kinds of learning styles as visual learners, auditory learners and so on. For example, for many pupils, they like to use recorded lessons, audiobooks and podcasts and others think that using PowerPoint lessons with graphs are more productive. Moreover, outside the classroom, ideas and opinions can be shared on social media such as Facebook, Instagram and so on. Thus, this is natural that bringing technology into study life will lead to rivalries, teamwork and cooperation.
The task 2 essay requires a 2-3 body paragraph depending upon the writing instructions. It appears to me that this discussion is based upon a single opinion essay, so the reasoning presentations should cover no more than 2 parts. However, this presentation is only a single discussion format. Reading through the paragraph indicates that it could easily have been divided into the required number.  
  
Reasons provided tend to be redundant in explanation and examples. The provided reasons are acceptable though and represent the correct single idea format in this presentation. The problem is that the writer has written too many words, without actually adding increasing clarity to the context. This is what makes the presentation weak as a reasoning example. The increased discussion did not translate to a high score. A shorter but more precise discussion would have delivered a better grade.
THIS IS MY FIRST TIME WRITING AN ESSAY SO HELP ME !!! Any feedback is appreciated.  
  
## 3. Tell us about (up to) five activities or accomplishments

  
***in one or more of the following areas:***  
  
Athletics:  
Member of my school's sports team as a goalkeeper in Handball, football, and floorball and as a centre (C) in the basketball team. As an athlete, I served as a team captain for 3 different teams and won many awards. It gave me some life-changing experiences and important skills, allowed me to improve my own abilities and boost my confidence in leading my teammates through intense competition.  
  
Club  
I was a member of the news club which exposed me to the skills of journalism and public speaking. I was also a part of the STEM club which provided additional chances to explore STEM topics and challenges through hands-on learning. I did my solo project making a Wire loop game, an Oobleck experiment and an Arduino project, for school fairs.  
  
Leadership Positions and Activities  
In my sophomore year, I was elected as a House captain. Being a leader, I was a role model in terms of attitude, attendance, behaviour and manners to all members. I helped organize and support House activities taking, vital steps to maintain a healthy atmosphere all around the year. Not only that, I organized and actively participated in faculty events as an event host.  
  
Work/Employment  
During school break, I help my parents to manage our family's two optical shops. I see through all the sales and marketing. Through this job, I learned many skills in customer service, teamwork, and communication. My work there taught me to excel at timed-order production, multitasking, and handling stress effectively during busy periods.  
  
Volunteer  
I volunteered at local polling stations, where I helped citizens verify the data of voting IDs in the voter's list, to ensure a successful and legitimate election. I worked on political campaigns and did statistical computer work. I advocated in sexual assault protests for the repeal of the 'one-year' statute of limitations on rape cases. Following widespread protests, the parliament amended the old act, which is a significant step forward.  
  
Service to Others  
For the last 2.5 years, my dad and I have been working together on a charitable effort to benefit the neighbourhood communities in Nepal's rural Kalikot district. As my father is an ophthalmic officer, we collaborated to organize a free eye camp. This camp was held for elderly people who are prone to various eye diseases in their old age and are unable to receive treatment. I participated in a charity and helped plan events like giving out warm clothing and instructing young children. We valued the service because dealing with young people and the elderly enables me to develop emotionally and socially.
Athletics  
This lacks a clear accomplishment reference. What you should be enumerating are the number of timer the teams you captained won, any MVP awards you received for team participation, or any other recognition you may have received owing to your position as team captain. This does not infer actual achievements in sports.  
  
Club  
You certainly were busy as a club member. However, the depiction needs to discuss notable activities you participated in. For example, being a member of the yearbook team would show an active school social setting participation. Focus on the STEM club instead. That has a marked participation mention.  
  
Leadership Positions and Activities  
Add a mention of the dispute mediation activities you may have had. Show how you handle group or individual discord as these could happen to you while in college. A true leader can lead in bad times as well so include that in the explanation.  
  
These are the points that need revisions or additional information.
Create a stronger opening statement and thesis presentation by removing the cited sources within the first paragraph. As a rule, this part should only contain your insights and assumptions as these will be discussed in the next paragraphs. Outline the discussion path here with the thesis statement. Just introduce everything at that point. That is all that is needed in that part.  
  
"Bank run that ... Federal Reserve Act" (Fed ST. Louis, pg.1, 2022).  
Do not use citations that stand alone. What is this about? Your need to explain its relevance to the reader otherwise, it is just a confusing throw away reference. Develop this as a related discussion presentation. This appears to be a repeated error in the paper. Consider this as one of the weak points of the paper covering incorrect in-text citation format.  
  
\* Limited review provided due to paper length. contact me privately for a comprehensive review.
**The question:**  
Write about the following topic:  
***Society today pays less attention to women's sports than to men's sports.  
## Why is this the case? Is this a positive or negative trend?***  
*Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  
Write at least 250 words.*  
  
**My answer:**  
Nowadays, female athletes gain less public attention than males. I believe that the difference in their physical fitness contributes to this negative trend.  
Because of the structure of the body, the competition of female athletes is not as intense as male athletes'. The intensity and competitive level of the men's game are more likely to outcompete women's in most strength sports. And the public is more willing to watch games that give them greater excitement, only with the exception of some skilled sports such as figure skating, synchronised swimming and gymnastics which people enjoy the beauty of women in these sports. So that is one reason why female athletes get so little attention.  
  
This is a negative trend for the development of sports. For sports, the sportsmanship displayed by the participants is considerably more essential than the final place or the ability of the players. Even though most sports that women participate in are not as intense and wonderful as men's due to physical conditions; the fighting spirit shown by female athletes in competitions is not weaker than that of male athletes. Therefore, it is unfair not to pay attention to the hard work of female athletes simply because of their ability. In addition, the lack of attention can make women less enthusiastic about sports, and turning women off sports goes against the original idea of sports competitions that sport is about participation and sportsmanship, instead of the level and ranking of the players.  
  
In conclusion, the physical fitness of female athletes is lower than that of male athletes and this result will cause a decline in competitive intensity makes the audience more willing to watch the male athletes compete with each other. This phenomenon will reduce the enthusiasm of women for athletic competition and defeat the meaning of athletic competition. (302 words)  
  
Thank you very much for taking the time to read my paper and give me comments and suggestions on my current writing level. Have a nice day!
The topic interpretation and your point of view should stand alone in the paragraph. You will automatically receive a failing mark for that section in this presentation As you proceeded to discuss your opinion in the same paragraph. All explanatory and reasoning paragraphs must come after the restatement and opinion section. This is the action that created an incorrect response format. This should've been a 4 paragraph essay. A task 2 essay will never be composed of 3 paragraphs. That would earn an automatic failing score.  
  
You have a tendency to start your sentences with conjunctions. An error that shows how your English fluency is betrayed by your lack of grammar rules and proper sentence formation knowledge. The words "and" and "because" are used as sentence coordinators that connect sentences and phrases. These errors will affect your GRA score.
Essay Title:  
***It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age.  
Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

  
What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?***  
  
Children are the age that they don't know about the world or society that much. It is quite hard to know what is correct and what is wrong. This is to say, parents need to teach them what it should be or shouldn't be. But sometimes the way that they use to teach their kids is wrong too. Punishment is significant to make the kids know that they must not do that. On the other hand, some people are questioning about some punishment whether it's too much. So I disagree with punishing the children and will give my opinions below.  
  
Nowadays, there's a lot of children growing up. In Asia, there's a lot of parents that still punish their kids by scolding and beating them. Is it a good thing to do ? This method might be useful for some kinds of children, But in the family, violence should not exist. When the children are scolded or beaten, it might haunt them for a long time. For instance, there's a lot of news that shows that the kids are scolded and beaten, mostly panicked, absent-minded, depressed and repressed. Even the punishment wasn't that harsh, but if they are often punished, the kids might be repressed and think that they're not good enough for their parents.  
  
Instead of punishing them, why don't parents teach and talk nicely to their children? Perhaps, the reason why the children still do wrong behaviour is because they don't know why it is wrong. Parents should tell them the reason why they have to do this and not do this, what's the consequences of this act and how people feel after this act. Giving them reasons makes the children understand a lot of things and grow up a lot.  
  
In conclusion, punishment isn't the best way to teach children, especially the violence is extremely unjustifiable. Talking nicely and giving reasons are more useful. These things help the children grow up to be good adults in the future. I strongly insist that the punishment should not be physical, rather psychological and practical.
The first major reason that this essay will fail is that you did not follow the writing requirements. You were asked for the extent of your dis/agreement and what sort of punishments teachers and parents can apply to erring students and children. Not only did you fail to deliver a measured response, you also altered the second discussion topic by not giving a relevant response to it. As the full discussion you wrote no longer provided the correct content, the examiner will have no choice but to give an overall failing score with regards to response accuracy. You failed the test because you did not understand both the questions and writing instructions.  
  
The second failing reason relates to the word count. The essay has an excessive but irrelevant to the discussion word count. An examiner would most certainly say that this essay never had a chance at a passing score.
Topic:  
***When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
My essay  
  
It is true that many people now decide to choose their job only based on the income they get. However, I do not agree with this idea since there are myriad factors that are equally important to salary that people are bound to consider.  
  
On the one hand, a job with abundant and flexible salary can help people meet their basic needs in their life, such as housing, expenditure on commodities, traveling, health care. The benefits of having satisfying income make people happy and powerful. Besides, money is a motivation for people to work harder and more effectively, because they feel that they deserve with the money they get based on what they do and their passion for the job. For instance, when an architect get good salary, they are motivated a lot because they know that their products and effort are worth-paying and valuable.  
  
Money is important to people, however, there are still other crucial factors that they need to concern before making a decision whether to take it. If people choose an appropriate job based on your interests, they will be fascinated to complete all the tasks even if they feel frustrated and depressed due to their lousy boss or unfriendly colleagues. On the other hand, money can buy happiness, but it is not a sustainable way. The main factors making people optimistic are only generated by the environment around them, which includes the workplace, positive relationships with their colleagues and friends at work. That is why a fulfilling job which suits you is the best and wise option for you to contribute to society and create a good lifestyle and thinking.  
  
In conclusion, although salary is important to everyone, that is not the only key thing to consider when choosing a job
The prompt itself does not ask you to consider the truth behind the presented discussion point. Therefore, to do so in the restatement is a scoredown. You did not keep to the given discussion. You added a claim that is not required nor found in the original. It has made the restatement inaccurate.  
  
A writer's opinion must meet the response formatting needs as indicated. When the correct response is not provided in the complete or expected manner, that section could earn either a partial score credit or a full failing score. In this case a partial score credit will be provided due to the missing extent response. Where is the emotional or logical degree response?  
  
The combined early score for the establishing discussion paragraph may not be a passing one or could not be high enough to produce more than just an overall passing score. There were heavy mistakes made in that section that could prevent the ideal score from being achieved.  
  
Grammar is not a problem for you. The sentences are properly written to meet most of the requirements. The problem is in the discussion format. There exists an unfamiliarity with the correct discussion presentation, based on discussion instructions on your part. All these discussion instructions are single opinion based on 2 supporting reasons in the presentation. The writing instructions will dictate when a comparative essay is needed. Some indicators are.  
  
- compare the advantages and disadvantages  
- do the positives outweigh the negatives  
- What are the pros and cons  
  
Where these instructions are not present, a comparison is not needed.  
  
The essay will not get a final passing score due to the incorrect discussion presentation. Regardless of the good work in the LR, C + C , and grammar sections, the essay remains underdeveloped as there is not enough evidence to prove the writer's opinion. Hence the 2 supporting paragraph need.  
  
As for the conclusion errors, that is set to be another set of error discussions. The above are the most important mistakes that should be fixed going forward.
**The question:**  
Write about the following topic:  
***Research suggests that many prisoners commit crimes again after being released from prison.  
WHAT ARE THE CAUSES OF THIS? SUGGEST SOME SOLUTIONS.***  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  
Write at least 250 words.  
  
**The answer:**  
Nowadays, there are more and more released offenders who tend to commit crimes again. The unaltered pattern of a criminal's behaviour and people's discrimination against them contributed to this phenomenon.  
  
Numerous criminals choose to reoffend because prisons do not affect their mind, they still act as they did before they stayed in a cell or even worse than before. Prisons should do more to educate and rehabilitate prisoners than only to punish or imprison them. Punishment will genuinely make those offenders feel suffering, but suffering does not necessarily make them want to be proper citizens, they may still commit crime as before. They will still use illegal means to acquire others' assets or use violence to solve problems when they are out of gaol, if prisons fail to drive home to these criminals that committing crime is a shame, and the price of crime.  
  
Secondly, people's prejudice against these people released from prison (even though they hope to become proper citizens) can also lead them to reoffend. Due to this discrimination, it is difficult for a former criminal to find employment, not only that critical units of the state would not accept them, but also small businesses and even they cannot be a courier or cleaner. Numerous former criminals are unable to find a job and cannot even feed themselves and their families, so they can only rob or steal others' property to make sure they can survive.  
  
This trend can be tackled in two ways. First, prisons should strengthen the psychological construction of criminals, rather than just focusing on using stiff punishment. Making criminals not want to commit crimes is far more effective in reducing repeat crime than making criminals fear punishment. If an ex-criminal deeply believes that crime is shameful, he will not commit it again even if he has the ability and the opportunity. The second solution is that the government can teach these released prisoners skills which can let them survive in society and strengthen their employment. For these released offenders who want to become qualified citizens, if they can feed themselves in a legal and decent way, they are less likely to commit another crime.  
  
In conclusion, prisons should pay more attention to the psychological education of prisoners. And in the meantime, offering jobs to ex-offenders could also help tackle the rise in reoffending. (389 words)  
  
And excuse me, could someone please tell me the approximate score of this essay in TA, LR, CC and GRA respectively if it is in a real IELTS test?  
  
Thank you for reading this paper and providing valuable comments. Have a nice day!
could someone please tell me the approximate score of this essay  
Contact me privately for comprehensive scoring services. It is not part of our free review offering anymore.  
  
The standard format of a task 2 essay is 4 paragraphs unless it is a discuss both views and give your opinion presentation. In which case there is a specific 5 paragraph (optional) presentation that can be used in the presentation. This presentation is, in effect, over discussed since the maximum writing requirement is 300 words. You already knew that didn't you? You already copied my advice to give to a student here. Which is why I was hesitant to advice you until it became necessary to do so. That is why you have the plagiarism warning.  
  
Your main problem is over-discussion. Do not write more than 5 sentences per paragraph. conciseness gets a better score.