dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hello everyone, it's my first time using this platform. I hope you guys can help me with this essay. Thank you so much!  
  
## different work expectations

  
  
**As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual well being. What factors contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?**  
  
People all have a job for a living, and one above of the things that are concerned the most is the satisfaction of the job. Many features affect the happiness of a job, but they should be practical application in the real life of workers.  
  
In my opinion, there are three main reasons for the contribution of the workers' expectation of the job. Firstly, the workplace environment is a vital factor that affects a lot for the people at work. For instance, if the boss and co-workers around are approachable and fun, it helps to the arousal of people and gains their productivity. Secondly, they expect the salary is high enough for their particular position. Finally, they concern about what experiment that they might take when participating in such a company. Every single worker might think of these factors when they decide to join a particular workplace.  
  
Of course, these expectations ought to be reasonable, and they are needed to fulfil the needs of all workers. Working in such an ideal workplace with friendly and helpful people might help to increase labour productivity and help the company to reach its target. The workers then have a high salary to afford things in life, and that makes their life better. For those who want to achieve a higher position in their work, taking experiments will help to improve their knowledge and help to grant their promotion.  
  
Adult life is not easy, there are many things they need to take care of, and work is one of the main factors. In my view, they are completely worthy of these expectations of work for a pleasant life.  
  
294 words
The introduction paragraph is wandering in terms of content and focus. It is only properly responding to the last question with clarity. The topic restatement and first question response are not clearly reinterpreted for the reader. The 3 reasons should have been mentioned in this paragraph to create a clear discussion foundation in the succeeding paragraphs.  
  
The paragraph that lists the 3 reasons needs better development of a solid eample that supports all 3 reasons. Providing a more connected explanation would have resulted in better thought cohesion in the presentation. Right now, only a disconnected example is provided for one reason, which does not help create a coherent paragraph presentation due to lack of idea connectivity between the 3 topics in the paragraph. The uniter needs to show.how 3 seperate reasons connect into 1 job salisfaction reason.  
  
The essay must always be certain in support of the outlined reasons.This relates to the clarity of opinion in the presentation. Words that show Q possible wavering of the idea such as "might" should be avoided. Again, the reasons provided are good but it lacks a combined discussion point There needs to be a smooth cohesive and coherent presentation. Ideas are good. The difficulty in merging these ideas are what lowers the score for the essay.
Perhaps the writer meant to refer to severity rather that severaltry in the title. The latter word has an inapplicable meaning based on the research paper focus. By definition:  
  
Severaltry - Law. (of an estate, especially land) the condition of being held or owned by separate and individual right. An estate held or owned by individual right.  
  
Severity - harshness, sternness, or rigor: grievousness; hard or trying character or effect: an instance of strict or severe behavior, punishment, etc.  
  
Research writers are expected to use profession related terms in their papers.These must be accurately used otherwise the professor could score the paper less clue to technical issues related to word usage.The writer must revise the title to reflect the accuracy of the research presentation.  
  
There should not be any in-text citations in the thisis paragraph as the basis of the topic is still lbeing introduced. It needs to explain the basis, necessity, and research method only.These important establishing factors are non - existent in the paragraph so the paper has no reason for being that the professor can appreciate. I for one, lost interest in reading this paper based on there 2 problems alone.  
  
\* Limited review provided due to paper length. Contact me privately for a more comprehensive review.
## The diagram illustrates how the salmon's life cycle takes place.

  
Overall, the salmon's life cycle has 3 phases. It is immediately apparent that the salmon spend a half of their lives inhabiting in freshwater, while the other half is in the sea.  
  
As shown in the diagram, in the upper , where the water flows slowly, countless salmon eggs are laid and incubated between reeds and small stones within about 5-6 months before hatching. In the next stage, they develop into tiny fish with the length from 3 to 8cm and migrate to the downstream river or estuary, where there is fast-flowing water for approximately 4 years.  
  
It is clear from the diagram that in the Smolt stage, the young fish continue to grow in size, about 12 to 15cm, then migrate further downriver into the open sea which is their new habitat in roughly 5 years. After that, they grow into mature adult salmons and become much bigger in length, about 70-76cm. Finally, they swim against the river to the upstream region and start a new cycle life.  
  
* 
*
The first paragraph needs to restate the type of image provided the allow for a proper summary of supplied data. The paragraph is only partially complete and will recieve limited TA scoring for it. This is regardless of the informative sentences presented.  
  
There is a vocabulary explanation included with the development process outline. The writer neglected to use correct vocabulary in relation to the identity of the fish, which should have been referred to as fry. This will cost the writer some LR point deductions. There is also a failure to refer to the "open sea" in the final stage presentation. When specific vocabulary is provided, the writer must use these properly in the presentation as these are part of the scoring requirements.  
  
These are the basic errors in this presentation that will cause an otherwise well- developed instructional explanation to lose points and score less than its actual potential in the end.
## students give up their study

  
  
Nowadays, there is an evident phenomenon that the number of students who don't attend universities is mounting. Technically, the issue that students do make up their mind to leave universities results from some primary causes and it can trigger several unfavorable impacts on society and individuals.  
  
There is some typical justification inducing the rising number of students dropping out of university. They realize that today, a huge proportion of students gain a university degree; however, these students are still more likely to be unemployed. Although students graduate from universities or colleges, the chance they gain a lucrative job is sometimes thin. Therefore, students usually consider thoroughly whether they should leave universities or not. Moreover, studying at universities is stressful and overwhelming. Students perceive that lots of people who don't study at universities are in positions to get a profitable job.  
  
It is plain that this issue exerts adverse effects on society and individuals. If students have a tendency of dropping out of universities, the number of well-qualified workforce will plummet. These students do not have professional knowledge to apply for demanding jobs highly correlated with science, astronomy, which can be the root of a shortage of human resou s in these fields.  
  
In conclusion, students giving up their study at universities stems from a variety of reasons and it can prompt our society to face some other problems.
The essay fails to meet the 250 minimum word count. This is a problem because of the immediate scoring percentage deductions applied. The essay will receive an automatic failing base score. This is a failure that can easily be avoided The writer just has to remember to write at least 65 words per paragraph to automatically avoid word count failure.  
  
The prompt restatement is faulty. A person who does not attend university was never enrolled. This type of person cannot be considered a drop-out since he never went to college classes. A drop-out is someone who, at one point in his academic career , attended college then stopped.  
  
These problems aside, the writer showed good comprehension skills as his cause and effect discussions were relevant to the discussion requirements. more developed explanations in these paragraphs, example based presentations, would have helped meet the word count.
**Can somebody review this**  
  
## **analysis of the chart and graph attached below**

  
**The chart and graph below give information about sales and share prices for Coca-Cola.  
  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
The pie chart shows the worldwide distribution of sales of Coca-Cola in the year 2000 where they sold 17.1 billion cases of their fizzy drink and the graph depicts the change in share prices between 1996 and 2001.  
  
Overall, the pie chart is divided into five regions which are North America, Africa and Middle East, Asia, Europe and Latin America based on the consumption of Coca-Cola drink. The line graph shows a spike in the trend in share prices which gradually declines making it the end point slightly higher than the starting point.  
  
Taking a look at the pie chart, we can see that North America is the largest consumer, where 30.4 per cent of the total volume was purchased. The second largest consumer was Latin America. Europe and Asia purchased 20.5 and 16.4 per cent of the total volume respectively, while Africa and the Middle East remained fairly small consumers at 7 per cent of the total volume of sales.  
  
Turning to the graph, the share prices were set at 35$ in the year 1996 from which it significantly rose upto 70$ per share in a year's gap. Even though, a dip can be observed in the trend by mid-97, an increase in share prices which falls approximately around 80$ per share by 1998. From then until 2000, their value fell consistenty but there was a slight rise in mid-2000.  
  
*
The writer has over-written for this 20 minute task. It is possible that the writer got this confused with the 40 minute task 2 essay. A task 1 essay should be limited to 200 words only due to the extremely limited writing allowance. Based on the word count for this essay, the writer would not have been able to complete it within the alloted time.  
  
The summary paragraph should limit itself to general image data. The actual figures should not be mentioned at this point since the actual analysis and comparison always starts in the paragraph after the trending statement.  
  
It is important that the writer learns how to use image equivalents of measurement presentations to make the report more scannable. The sign equivalents help keep the word count down and, makes the presentation quickly understood. A task 1 essay need not be too wordy since it is data presentation based rather than opinion based. There is only one rule for the task 1 lssay: Keep it short but informative.
## Television viewing figures for sports by country

  
  
The table shows the number of people in milions who watch sports on television. There are four countries in the table are: Australia, UK, USA, Canada and four sport shows include: Tennis, Golf, Motor racing and Athletics.  
  
The table shows in USA the viewer is highest, the total number is 25.2 and the total number of viewer in Canada is lowest approximately 15. In four sport shows, Tennis has about 26 millions viewer-highest number. Then, respectively Golf (21.9 millions viewer), Athletics (16.9 millions viewer) and the last is Motor racing (12.7 millions viewer). Specifically, in USA watch Tennis,Golf and Athletics highest (7,11.2 and 5.5 millions)
The essay does not meet the passing score requirements as it failed to meet the 150 ,  
minimum word count. As the essay is short in this aspect, it will automatically be deemed lacking in explanation and analysis. The writer limited the presentation to 2 paragraphs when the requirement is 3 paragraphs. This shows a lack of proper analysis on the part of the writer.  
  
The essay could use more comparative analysis presentation between at least 2 data points per paragraph. Housing the info in parenthesis rather than using comparison sentence presentations means the writer preferred to just directly report the information, which accomplishes only half of the writing instruction.
## popular means of transport in the uk

  
  
The line graph demonstrates the typical number of commuters travelling in Britain day by day by car, bus or train from 1970 to 2030.  
Overall, car is the most common means of transport travelled on a daily basis in the UK. Also, the figure for train and car rises throughout the period given while bus sees the significant fall  
  
In 1970, the number of car travelled in Britain was over 5 million, compared to about 4 million of bus and around 2 million of train. Over 30 years, both car and train experienced an upward trend, reached around 7 million and 3 million respectively. Whereas, the quantity of bus travelled every single day in England was just approximately 4 million in the same period.  
  
From that time on, the figure for bus continually decreased and is expected to fall at under 3 million in the final year. In contrast, the number of car and train driven in the UK every day is supposed to surge dramatically and be exactly 9 million and more than 5 million orderly.
The graph is supposedly about the rate of projected increase in usage for several types of transport. However, proper year on year or decade by decade comparisons are not properly referenced. The comparisons are unclear as definite year references are not used in the task. The reader should be clearly told what years the numbers refer to.  
  
After a reference to 1970, the information shared became difficult to apply as per chart reference. This has left the report with a problematic C + C and GRA score due to lack of clear connectivity and confusing data presentation.  
  
The essay also lacks an analysis of the projected rates for 2030. The errors in this essay all boils down to lack of information clarity and proper year referencing.
Recently I have paid attention to my writing skill by praticing with some examinations. Here is my task 2 written by in recent day, hope to see your comments and evaluations. Thanks!  
  
***In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in.***  
## What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

  
  
In the modern world, it is disputable that humankind is gradually curious about various mystery tales in the past. As a result, in several nations, people who initially own a house or building tend to discover the history of the area they live in.  
  
To give explanation for this phenomenon, there are two main reasons ownership of houses have curious tendency about their accommodation. To begin with, they are afraid that the land could bring about inevitable evil. In some area, government renovates cemeteries into a range of brilliant blocks in order to attract inhabitants' settlement. Although living in modern society, some individuals affected by ancient beliefs still have a certain failure about ghosts and devils. Additionally, several pieces of knowledges about their area can prevent them from unpredictable unworthy encounters. Nowadays, our community is crammed with sophisticated scammers, so people can easily contact those bad individuals. They can have a land agreement with land in a dispute and be evicted by authorities in the future time. Hence, people can be scammed with a huge income without awareness of their house's history.  
  
In order to be conscious of danger, some remedies can be given to people. Firstly, going around the neighborhood and asking neighbors about the house or building is possible. Residences nearby can give information about the former owner of the house and what strange stories happening in the past. They can also warn the next owner if the house is still the property of another one. Another solution is asking leaders of the residential group or the area's government. They can give some recorded events reported and consider whether the accommodation is in disputation.  
  
In summary, people discover the origin of their new house or building in order to protect their benefit, and there are some ways they can apply to get detailed information.
The prompt rewrite is not even remotely related to the original prompt. The miter also neglected to provide the discussion lbasis based on question responses. The paraphrasing + opinion presentation is a failure. The interpretation would have been better if w'itten similar to:  
  
*All residential structures, whether local or global, have a story to tell. These days the owners or renters of these places would like to know the story beliend where they live. some of them need to know these information for legal purposes. Such information can easily be found by visiting the land titles department at their local city hall.*  
  
The above sample clearly restates the topic in a totally new, but original topic related way. The last part also creates a solid response for the 2 questions in a manner that solidly establishes the 2 discussion paragraphs.  
  
The first reasoning paragraph provides a good, solid, and clean 1st reason. A cohesive device that would have related the 2 topics smoothly in the paragraph was needed. The word " additionally" would have only been acceptable if the next reason related to the first. since it did not, then a transition sentence was required in that presentation. The same problem existed in the next paragraph. While a student will get a score for transition word usage, it will not be as high as when a transition sentence is used as it ffully increases the C + C for that paragraph.  
  
For the conclusion, it is better to actually use a reverse paraphrase of about 3-5 sentences. That way the miter can display his comprehension and writing skills to the fullest.
***The family has a great influence on children's development, but the influence from outside the home plays a bigger part in children's life.***  
  
## Do you agree or disagree?

  
  
Many people believe that the youngster's growth is being impacted by the external environments rather than their family. I disagree with this view, because I consider that both above factors have their distinctive merits and should each play an integral in the life of children.  
  
On the one hand, I would argue that the outer environments have certain effects on children. From an knowledge perspective, the children are learnt from teachers in the school, who have responsibilities to communicate the basic science lessons, which foster the development of children's brain. Futhermore, the extracurrilar activities enable teenagers to increase their soft skills as well as relationships. For example, the holiday camp which is annually held in summers creates more opportunities for children to make new friends. In addition, competition activities make it easer than ever for them to improve their presentation capability via debate contests, the finesse via cooking matches, the health via sport matches.  
  
On the other hand, I believe that the parently influences are equally essential to offspring's improvement. Firstly, parents' upbringing have large role in sharping their children's character and behavior. For instance, a child who is being loved and taught about selflessness would tend to become an altruist. Secondly, the home traditions would contribute to children's aptitudes which are positive impact on their intelligence. A good example for this is the family where the father is a chess veteran. This ideal background could creates favorable conditions for his descendant to study and develop chess skill from an early age.  
  
In conclusion, it seem to me that the family and social are equally important elements in development of children, and I disagree that the home's impact is outweighed by the effect from surrouding enironment.
This is still a single opinion discussion even if the writer considers both arguments to be correct. The flaw in the writing stems from the way the writer used a positive / negative discussion format in the presentation. The writing format should have instead combined both avenues of discussion as a partnership. The opinion should have found a commonality between the 2 points of view that would have supported the writer's point of view , that;  
  
both above factors have their distinctive merits and should each play an integral in the life of children.  
There should be one distinctive factor, or two, that would have proven a connection between the 2 in relation to discussion. By creating 2 connected discussion paragraph, the writer will have properly developed reasoning paragraphs that would provide a C + C score boost.
## LINE GRAPH ABOUT INTERNET USING IN THREE COUTRIES

  
  
The given line graph gives statics of people using the internet in Mexico, America and Canada over a period of 6 years between 1999 and 2009.  
It is clear that the percentage of Internet users in all three countries increased throughout the period. While the number of Mexican internet users slightly increased, a much larger percentage of Canadians and Americans had access to the internet.  
  
In 1999, there were only 5% of people in Mexico using the internet in comparison with approximately 25% and 10% of Americans and Canadians respectively. In 2005, whereas internet using number in USA and Canada reached about 70%, the percentage of Mexican accessing to internet only reached just over 25%. From 1999 to 2005, the internet using rate in American rose by 50%, twice as much as those in Mexican.  
  
In 2009, the number of internet users reached a spike in Canada. Almost 100% of Canadians used the Internet compared to 80% of Americans and only 40% of Mexicans.
The writer should avoid combining several information presentations in one sentence. Such presentations limits the clarity of the information presentation. It also holds back the writer from writing a proper mix of simple complex sentences. These run-on presentations limit the scoring possibilities of the overall presentation in reference to LR, C + C, and GRA requirements.  
  
The writer must know how to differentiate between the country and nationality. America is the country referred to in the graph. Americans are the nationals of the country. check the image again since you did not upload it. An error was made in reference to that.  
  
An academic paragraph is always made up off at least 3 sentences. The last paragraph in this presentation does not meet the minimum requirement. Always presenta balanced discussion sequence for better formatting scores.