dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
My essay:  
People, especially the elders, have been complaining about the youth's laziness on community activities. Unfortunately, their judgments are totally correct. From my perspective, there are a series of reasons which lead to this phenomenon.  
  
Quite understandably, people mostly blame individualism which involves apathy and selfishness. However, from what I see, the mother of that so-blamed individualism is modern life's speed and pressure. The rapid progress, the rat race, responsibilities, debts, competitions.... clouded many young men's minds with anxiety and stress about themselves being left out. This fear, combined with limited time budget, is so intense that some youngsters cannot take care of themselves properly, more so other people. For example, the 996 culture and OT culture in China (working from 9am to 9pm, 6 days a week) are making hundred thousands of youngsters work to the point of being broken, giving them no chance for relaxation, self-improvement, fostering care and emotions, even feeling the sunlight!  
  
Poor advertising campaigns also play a great role in turning the youth away from community activities. The majority of campaigns are promoted by old-school propaganda with typical posters, unimpressive slogans and participants are mostly forced to join by schools. Private companies and the youth's way of advertising are good enough but they don't have much ability to widen the scale. In addition, a lot of local community activities and events are extremely boring. They just require us to sit there with heat, sweats, mosquitoes and be a good boy/girl, which is not educational, full of experiences and appealing as they promised. Having joined several community activities before, never have I felt a sense of belonging nor excitement. As a result, many young people never come back and continue to help.  
  
The lack of leadership is the final nail on the coffin of our interest in helping the community. Although there are numerous enthusiastic young helpers and organizations, no one has been able to take the responsibility of giving clear directions and be the representative voice for them. Meanwhile, large, international organizations are too far away to reach local ones. Therefore, community activities are scattered and disunited in all aspects, leaving helpers and potential future helpers confused about what they should do. Expectedly, many gave up half-way.  
  
In conclusion, it has to be admitted that young people's effort in contributing to the community is insufficient as a consequence of life pressure resonating with not-cappable-enough leaders and poor-quality proganda and events.  
  
Notes about the task: The task is from a semester/inspection test in a high school for gifted students. We still need to write it like an IELTS task 2 though. I have clearly failed to meet the Task Requirements for words quantity ha ha.........  
  
Thank you for your feedback, I will write them down and try not to repeat the mistakes
there are a series of reasons which lead to this phenomenon.  
This is a cop-out. By giving a non-answer, you manage to add words to the count, but fail to add substance to the discussion. Don't just repeat the writing instruction. respond to it to create a substantive response that increases the word count.  
  
young men's  
Gender neutrality must be considered when referring to people. It is no longer PC to use a default male reference. Third person pronoun usage would be better.  
  
Your next 2 paragraphs better relates to burn-out and exhaustion reasons than lack of community volunteering time. Each reference paragraph should circle back to a part of community service to show a coherent discussion. All discussions need to connect and discuss the topic as expected. Rack of leadership is the most appropriate reference in the presentation.  
  
Next time, outline your discussion points to make sure it relates to the overall discussion presentation. Do that before you write your draft.
***It is more important to have a good family than to have friends. Family can always compensate for the absence of friendship.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
There is a universal controversy about the importance of family and friendship. Many people reckon that family is sufficient for their lives and it is unnecessary to have friends. From my perspective, however, good friends are also significant in our lives and there are a lot of circumstances when family is unable to make up for the drawbacks of having no friends.  
  
Although the significance of family is undisputable, the precious values of friendship should not be ignored. Family plays a crucial role in everyone's life since they are reliable ones whom we can turn to for advice when encountering difficulties and obstacles. However, there are plenty of intimate secrets that are impossible to share with parents such as love affairs or financial status, mainly due to a huge generation gap and a fear of making them worried. In these circumstances, sharing with good friends would be preferable thanks to mutual understandings and common notions.  
  
Besides, family members are likely to become trustworthy and ideal friends. In fact, children who have siblings might consider their sisters or brothers as wonderful companions. In addition, teenagers who have suffered bullying in schools might isolate themselves from their peers while family is always tolerant of their mistakes and imperfections, making them more confident and pleasant. However, parents are incapable of accompanying their kids on many occasions but only friends could do. For example, youngsters often show a great preference for traveling with a couple of their friends rather than with family. It is understandable since young people are likely to be appealed by extreme sports, adventurous trips, and once-in-a-lifetime challenges, whereas parents who belong to the previous generation do not seem to be enthusiastic about these unconventional experiences.  
  
In conclusion, both family and friendship are key drivers to a happy and fulfilled life. It is agreeable that family is an indispensable part of our lives, however, it can not completely replace the existence of good friends.
There is a universal controversy  
Where is this indicated in the original prompt? There is no evidence to support this exaggeration in the original. Do not alter the content or discussion from the original as this also alters your restatement in terms of task accuracy, causing a lower score in this section.  
  
From my perspective, however,  
This is not an appropriate response based on the indicated discussion question. Offer a smeasured response where required. You failed to provide the correct response but gave a correct opinion discussion in the reasoning paraghs so the major score deductions will bein the TA section.  
  
Though your discussion is acceptable, the missing required discussion format and other errors will weigh heavily on your scoring deductions and could hinder you from getting a passing score. There are 2 areas for deduction in the TA section.
## Some people think that it is more effective for students to study in groups

  
  
People's opinions vary as to whether team study is more useful than individual study for pupils. While there are benefits to being self-educated, I think that studying with friends is the most effective.  
  
In terms of studying in groups, firstly, work can be done easily. Work is allocated among members and each one specializes in a certain task so they work more efficiently. Secondly, the knowledge of members is improved. When a teammate makes mistakes, other people will correct them and explain why it is wrong for the teammate to understand. Next, teamwork is a crucial social skill. During studying in groups, students can boost their soft skills such as time management skill, argument skill, critical thinking skill, etc. These skills play an important role in working in the future.  
  
On the other hand, studying alone doesn't bring more benefits than that. One person takes responsibility for all work, so it takes more hours to finish. Then, when students do some hard tasks, they don't have teammates to do together and have to solve the problem theirself. Therefore, they can't expand their knowledge. Next, it is obvious that students can't improve those social skills. That makes them difficult to get a job.  
  
In conclusion, I would argue that the advantages of studying in a group outweigh ones of individual study.  
  
Thank you so much
220 words written out of the 250 minimum requirement. It is not right for you the start the essay at a preliminary scoring disadvantage. The essay has already received a failing score due to the word deduction penalty. Any essay that kicks off with less than the minimum word count is all but guaranteed to result in an overall failing score due to additional penalties applied based on sectional scoring requirements. Next time, meet the 250 word requirement to at least start off without penalties. You want to start with a high TA score rather than a failing one.  
  
I will give you a chance to prove your English writing skills to me because right now, this essay does not give me a full and accurate representation of your writing skills. Develop a better discussion based on a new topic and post it here. This time, write at least 250- 300 words. That will give m ea more accurate picture of your writing skills and English understanding abilities for proper assessment /review.
## who is responsible to solve obesity problem among kids?

  
  
in many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. some people think that this is the responsibility of government to solve the problem.  
first of all, by my consent i think this problem is a rising issue in many countries. according to statitsics, this condition is most common children aged 10 to 19. at this age, children tend to choose some food like fast food, junk food,... and lazy to participate in physical activities. the government have duty to solve the problem through basic methods such as organize physical education classes in school, create menu with reasonable nutrition. it is necessary for the government to conduct offical conferences and news on the symtoms and effect of obesity to raise public awareness. advertising about healthy food on tv at the time for children result in they will feel simulated by that food and want to try it.  
  
by contrast, i think the primary reason of this problem is eating habits in family. parents often let their children eat and dink according to their references. to this situation, parents should have a diet management.  
  
to conclue, it is essential for children to have balanced diet for healthy growth and the government, school, parents get together to help them.
Let us start with the most basic requirement . of a task 2 essay. That is, an essay of 250 words. What we have here is an essay of 206 words. While the discussion presented can still be scored it may not receive a passing mark due to a pre-scoring deduction based on the - word count. A specific TA percentage deduction will be applied based on the under word count presentation. The more words you lack towards 250 the higher your deductions. This will have a marked contribution to your over all low score. Will you fail because of this? There is a high likelihood of that happening. always remember to use the standard 4 paragraph format for your responses. Use 5 paragraphs whenever required by the prompt.  
  
Next, there is a total disregard for formatting and grammar rules in this presentation. You do not present an accurate prompt restatement nor discussion reson. You failed to use capital letters where required (at the start of every new sentence ), and the sentence structures / word formations are difficult to follow and understand. These errors relate to the C & C and GRA scores, both will be failing at this point.  
  
I cannot continue to review your essay at this point. There is no way it will get even a base passing score. Try to improve on the points indicated here first then we can focus on the specific errors. As of now, fix the basic writing problems first.
***With the recent developments in modern technology, some people feel that printed media like books, newspapers, and magazines will soon be a thing of the past. Others feel that these forms of media will never disappear.***  
  
## What is your opinion?

  
  
The issue of traditional media remains controversial. On the one hand, printed media always is last forever. On the other hand, it will be replaced in the future. In the final analysis, I am firmly believed that alive traditional media over time.  
  
The first, printed media like books, newspapers, and magazines is helped memorize of the past of humans. The older people always enjoy nostalgia for the past. Therefore, traditional media like books, newspaper, and magazines is considered indispensable in their life. When they read it, all of feelings about the past suddenly rushed into their mind. Moreover, many people suppose it as their collection. A lot of humans think that if the more books you read, the higher your knowledge will be. For example, they can spend time to enjoy a book with a cup of tea to feel how it influence on them. Then, they will feel comfortable, forget all the fatigue after a hard working day.  
  
Secondly, traditional media helps their avoid the bad eye effects caused by blue screens of electronic devices. The government urges people to regularly read books to improve their knowledge level. Therefore, children are always supported by their families and schools to read books every day. If you are glued to the screen every day, your eyes will be seriously affected. Besides, there are books that are only published on printed media. So that, they are required to buy newspapers, magazines and books to read the content they are interested in.  
  
In conclusion, I firmly believe that traditional media can never be replaced. Because it helps them recall the past, becoming their favorite collection. Besides, it also helps people protect their eyes and can read useful content that the internet cannot provide them.
controversial  
Avoid exaggerations. This not controversial but definitely concerning.  
  
On the one hand, printed media ... alive traditional media over time.  
Learn to think in English and write in English. Donot translate word for wordfrom your native tongue. It results in incoherent sentences such as there which affect the clarity of your presentation. When the examiner cannot understand your presentation, he will reduce your GRA score.  
  
The discussion requires a2 reason defense of your % rather than a comparative discussion. Expect tobe scored only on the paragraph that relates to your opinion. needless to say, the enous in this essay may not help you achieve any sort of passing score. You need to familiarize yourself with the various discussion formats so that you can use the correct discussion format next time.
Some sentences of your essay is quite confusing, but I'll just point out the strangest ones.  
- "I am firmly believed that alive traditional media over time"- > "be believed" often goes with "it" or a noun.  
- "The first, printed media like books,.." -> "the" is an article and always go with a noun; "first" in "the first" is an adjective. It can't be used like a conjuntion.  
  
- "....newspapers, and magazines is helped memorize of the past of humans." -> printed media gives help or receives help?  
- "to feel how it influences on them"  
- "media helps their avoid the bad eye " -> "their" is an adjective so it should be placed before a noun, not a verb. Or you just mistake it with objective personal pronoun of "they", which is "them".
## water used for different purposes

  
  
The graph and table show the amount of water used internationally for different purposes and compare three sectors between Brazil and Congo in 2000.  
  
It is clear that there was a dramatic rise in the average of global water use from 1990 to 2000 with agriculture purpose having the largest amount of water use for. Additionally, a remarkable gap out of all three sectors between two different countries can be seen from the table.  
  
In 1990, while the water use worldwide for agriculture reached about half one thousand km3, the figure for industrial and domestic just stood at nearly 0km3, making a noticeable difference. The former followed an up-ward trend regularly for the next one hundred years and at the end of the period, it peaked at 3000km3. Though the flatter experienced a considerable increase, the amount of water used for industrial use was only one-third that for agriculture, and domestic use water even was below, at just around 200 km3.  
  
In the other hand, in 2000, the population of Brazil was about 176 million people; that country also had an enormous area for irrigation, approximately 26500km2. Cougo, by contrast, just had 5.2 million nationalities and 100km2 irrigated land, respectively. As a result, there was a significant difference in the amount of water use in these two countries with the data in Brazil being nearly 45 times larger than that in Congo, which was only 8m3.  
  
Hi, first time in there. Thank you for helping/fixing me. Wish you had a gud day.
Upload the image /s next time. It is impossible forme to judge your writing accuracy without it. I'll do what I can based on this information. However, I will still need the image/ s next time.  
  
The summary overview needs to presentdata overview based on each separate image. The sentence requirement for that partis at least 3 descriptive sentences. Your current version does not accurately describe the images. What countries were compared? If only 3 countries were referred to, then you should not be referring to global measurements, only country comparisons.  
  
I believe you are using localized measurement references in your essay rather than the international standard format. Use the latter for clarity purposes. Not everyone is familiar with the reference style you used which can make it stressful or confusing for the leader. Consider the audience when you write and use the major writing format as required.  
  
\* Limited review due to lack of reference image.
The intro said "between Brazil and Congo in 2000," but in the overview, I see it from 1990 - 2000 even you explaining the data from 1990.  
  
In your overview, it is too general. Maybe not just explain the rise of an average of global water use and describe the most and the least sector that uses water in 1990 and 2000.  
  
Since there is no image, it is very limited in how to respond to this.
## art versus basic needs

  
  
People have diverse options about the state's expenditure on art. Some people argued that instead of squandering money on art organizations, governments should allocate taxpayers' money for the improvement of other basic necessities. While this thinking is valid to a certain extent, I believe that state funding of art is worth every penny.  
  
There are some justifications given by people who oppose diverting funds towards arts. First of all, art is not considered to be essential, compared to other critical aspects of the sustainability of human's life. For example, state budgets should be spent on public services such as education, healthcare and infrastructure, which are vital for a country to function properly. In addition to this, it is argued that some art projects are self-sufficient in finance, for they can earn money from ticket sales and private investors. As a result, it is superfluous for government to allocate budget for the arts.  
  
Despite the aforementioned drawbacks, I would content that art should be given the top priority. On the individual level, art has been regarded as the valuable supplement for humans' soul. For instance, art products enhance our spiritual lives by reducing psychological stress and bringing us great faith in promising future. On the social level, investment in arts is such a strategic way to boost the economy. Traditional arts, take local handicraft as an example, make a profound impression on international tourists, which facilitates the development of tourism industry. Therefore, it is indisputable that arts generate revenue in return.  
  
In conclusion, it is clear to me that art expenditure is advantageous for both individuals and society, so funding arts by the government is not a wastage of money.
While this thinking is valid to a certain extent, I believe that state funding of art is worth every penny.  
You are not supplying a proper extent response. There needs to bea measured reference to your opinion. There needs to be a clear representation such as:  
  
*I partially support state funding for the acts to the extent that relates to...* or *I fully support ... based on...*  
  
The opinion statement needs to offer the measured response as a balance to your supporting reasons.  
  
The discussion paragraphs use a comparative discussion where it is not required. This is not a comparison essay. It is a single s discussion. Avoid making this mistake in the future to avoid severe penalties in your final score. You do not need to justify the opposing view, just convincingly support your opinion using valid reasons based on common knowledge or personal observations.
## water used for different purposes

  
  
The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.  
You should write at least 150 words.  
  
The bar chart compares water consumption for three main purposes in different places in the world  
  
On an overall perspective, it is evident that most water in North America and Europe is for industrial use, while the majority of the amount of water in the other areas is used for agriculture.  
  
In terms of using water for irrigation, it can be seen that Central Asia, Africa, South  
East Asia, is in the top three areas using water, which register 88%, 84%, 81%, respectively. Simultaneously, the proportion of South America accounts for this purpose 71%, which is nearly 2.5 and 7 times as much as that in Europe and North America with 32% and 13%, sequentially.  
  
Meanwhile, in North America and Europe, the allocation of industrial water consumption occupied the most, taking up 48% and 53% consecutively. Both records are about 5 times higher than as other areas, which is accounting under 13% for each one. Also, there is approximately a fifth and seventh of the amount of domestic water used for South America and Europe, respectively. This allocation of North America and Africa accounts for 13% and 9%, while in Central Asia and South East Asia, people consume the same amount of water at 7%.  
  
Please help me with my writing skill ! Thanks for your kind words :3  
IELTS TASK 1 CAM 11 (205 words)  
  
*
The bar chart  
You start the report with an immediate error. The provided images are 6 pie charts representing 6 countries, not bar charts. Each pie chart consists of 3 divisions representing water use areas. Part of the task accuracy relates to image identification. Expect deductions for such errors.  
  
in different places in the world  
not different places, different countries. Proper identification is a must in the task? essay due to the precise nature of the report in relation to the audience. Your LR score cannot be given a good mark as you constantly fail to use appropriate words in your statements.  
  
Central Asia, Africa, South East Asia, is  
... Asia , are at ... plural forum due to several countries being referenced. At this point even your GRA score is affected.  
  
The errors I have pointed out here have score lowering potential. It is imperative that you improve your writing skills in these sections. Further studies and writing practice for these parts will help you improve your task 1 reporting style.