dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## newly built houses should follow the old style or people can choose freely

  
  
It is sometimes argued that buildings which were recently constructed in the local regions should follow the form that used in old ones, while others think that there should be no rules and people can choose their house style freely. I believe that building houses should not be constrained by a framework, which should be creative and expressed in their own life.  
  
On the one hand, the principal reason why some people think that new constructions should be designed based on the old ones in local areas is that this helps to preserve the traditional and cultural values, which could boost the number of visitors to the region. Take Hoi An, which is known as one of the most beautiful cities in Asia, as an example. Local people here are encouraged to preserve their own houses or construct new buildings following the traditional architectural style. As a result, Hoi An has become a popular tourist destination and attracted many visitors.  
  
On the other hand, I would argue that people should have the right to make their own decision when choosing a style for their houses. The first reason is that some people do not like the style of old buildings in their neighborhood. Another reason is the cost of the houses. It is better to build a modern house rather than one which has to be old and historic. Moreover, people who build houses freely with their style can improve their creativity and architecture skill.  
  
In conclusion, many people think that new houses should be designed based on the old ones. However, I still hold my opinion that people should have the right to build their favorite house
The discussion is incomplete. The consideration for the second public opinion is missing from the presentation. Thus, the essay will be scored based on only 2 out of the 3 required discussion points. This is precisely the reason why I ask my students to refrain from using the 3 paragraph discussion presentation. They will always forget to discuss one of the 3 required points in the essay. It is always best to use the compare and contrast via personal opinion format instead. Using that format, the writer will achieve the discussion requirement of:  
  
1. Explain why the public supports the opinion  
2. What the writer thinks / how the writer views that opinion  
  
By using these 2 considerations for the discussion paragraphs, the strongest and most responsive reasons can be fully developed within 2 paragraphs. This essay might get a low passing score but that is unlikely since the discussion presentation is not complete.
More academic vocabulary should be used. Use of the word "rule" could be replaced by mandatory/compulsory. "people can choose their house style freely" could be rewrite as : citizens should be entitled to opt for design and style of their own home. Likewise, the topic sentence of the third paragraph could also be: that inhabitants should be given the ultimate decision when it comes to planning their safe haven. Several words seem to be repeated, so try to paraphrase as much as you can.
## the scarcity of good news coverage in the media

  
  
In this day and age, there is a tendency that media coverage is solely centered around issues and urgent affairs instead of good news. While some believe that it would take its toll on individuals and the general community, I would argue that it has positive effects in this regard as well.  
  
Undeniably, the world is already stressful so if more and more negative news becomes widely available, people might descend into emotional chaos as a result of overwhelmingness. For example, the proliferation of rising unemployment rate would subject job seekers to serious mental illnesses such as depression because it would adversely demotivate their morale. By contrast, the availability of optimistic information published on social media would significantly diminish a sense of demotivation or intense stress arising from unpalatable truth as it possibly shifts the general society to positive mood, creating a motivation to go through hardships. To elaborate, although environmental problems are getting worse and impairing people's life, the widespread news about future plausible solutions adopted to alleviate them would drastically settle people into a belief that the environment could be better, sooner or later.  
  
However, I also believe that the focus of media on essential problems could play an integral role in making people and the community to face and deal with them, therefore producing a better result. To begin with, nowadays there are urgent issues that need quick actions to be taken and adequate information from news sources to enhance people's understanding, otherwise it would be more and more serious later on. For example, if the general society are well-informed about the air contamination and its irreversible damage caused by themselves, all inhabitants could take measures timely to reduce their carbon footprint by using eco-friendly transports such as buses or trains. Without appropriate newspaper, people and the society, however, would never know how severe such problems are and the general air quality would be accelerating as a consequence.  
  
All things considered, while I acknowledge the negative impacts of media centering around issues, I also understand its positive sides.
The essay will qualify for an automatic failing score. That is an accurate assessment based upon how the writer proves to not have understood the prompt requirements when it comes to the opinion question / required response. The guide question was framed as an extent question. The writer delivered a response based on a positive or negative response instead. The essay has failed to respond to the task question since the provided response is totally unrelated to the question.  
  
It is not just an incorrect response format issue but also, a discussion alteration problem. This will result in an overall failing score regardless of the discussion presentation and other scoring considerations. He must become more familiar with task 2 question and response styles to avoid future unrelated response errors.
## how elderly people in the United States spent their free time (1980 to 2010)

  
  
The line chart depicts information about comparing the proportion of leisure activities that older people had done in their spare time over a period of 30 years. Overall, watching TV was the highest recreational activity of elders in the US. In addition, while the proportion of theatre activity decreased moderately, the opposite was true for four other activity forms.  
  
In 1980, the most popular activities were watching TV and theatre, with each accounting for 60% and 50%, respectively. Over the following 20 years witnessed a significant climb in the percentage of watching TV activity, reaching a peak of 70% in 2000 before dropping slightly to 65% in 2010. By contrast, senior citizens who took part in theatre activity fell considerably, which accounted for 20% in 2000 but this rose sharply and end at 45% in 2010.  
  
The subsequent common three recreational activities that the old were the most favorite were reading, hiking, and surfing the internet, which attracted 30%, 20%, and 5%, respectively, in 1980. Over the next 30 years, there was a dramatic jump in the rate of hiking activity, which made up 60% in 2000, and this activity continued to lead strongly and reach a peak point of 80% in 2010. While the rate of surfing the internet had an upward trend and attracted 15% in 2000, the opposite was true for a reading activity, hitting a trough of 20%. Since then, both these activities increased dramatically to reach 50% and 60 respectively, in 2010.
The writer has not completed an analysis that will suit the 20 minute writing time allowance. By writing almost 250 words, the writer is sure to cut into the 40 minute writing time of the task 2 essay. In order to meet the 20 minute limitation, he should not write more than 200 words. When writing a task 1 essay, it is important tha the information be presented accurately in a short form. That means more meaninful and illustrative words need to be used to express the information provided, without being too flowery or creative. Be straight / direct to the point in every paragraph.  
  
As an important aspect of the information overview, the country involved should be mentioned in the first sentence, not the second. That is to help establish the foundational information from the image. It helps to avoid confusion regarding image source data.  
  
It appears that the writer just kept using words throughout the essay to help lengthen the presentation without realizing that there is a maximum and minimum word requirement. It is important to note that the longer the essay, the more chances there will be of presenting confusing information, inappropriate word usage, or sentence structure errors. All of these problems can be skirted by simply keeping the essay short as required of an analytical reporting essay. There is no need for dramatic flair in task 1 writing. It need not be too creative nor descriptive either. Write for the professional audience that will be reading the paper.
***Nowadays, a lot of offices have open-space design instead of separate rooms.***  
## Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

  
  
It is observed that several companies are increasingly inclined to adopt offices with open space in lieu of separate rooms for their employees. While this practice could present issues relating to adverse risks to health, I contend that the fostering of closer collaboration among colleagues outweigh the such disadvantages.  
  
On the one hand, working in an open-space environment may leave staff susceptible to contagious disease. As they are situated closer together, a great deal of contact on a daily basis is inevitable. This, in the process, turns out to be a genuine cataclysm to the spread of various pathogens. A case in this point is Corona epidemic disease since companies applying open-space design witnessed a substantial increase in their employees' positive cases which could be alleviated in case of separate rooms. Consequently, their productivity was detrimentally affected, even leaving the companies bankrupted. As it shows, open offices have to confront the health problem.  
  
On the other hand, I believe that its social consolidation may stand a testimony to this innovation. Obviously, congregating in the same room could create ample opportunities for staff to converse with each other. This, therefore, could foster great inclusion in that employees could confide their troubles to their colleague as well as solve their problems relating to workload. A plethora of large companies nowadays divide their human resource into such major brand as Marketing or Administrative where specialized staff could work together in a large space. By that way the firms could not only engender better social relations but also contend with problems systematically.  
  
In conclusion, while applying open-space design to offices instead of separate rooms could face with several downsides, these are outweighed by the stimulation of collaboration and inclusion between employees. It is predicted that separate rooms will be phased out to make room for the open-space environment.
Try to avoid using any words that were used in the original presentation so that no questions will be posed as to the ability of the writer to use words beyond a cut and paste process. It is important that the writer have a vast synonyn library for various English words to accomplish this. Build the vocabulary to help create that impression next time.  
  
The writer will not get a truly impressive score with this presentation because the comparison discussion format is incorrect. Since this is an A v. D representation, the idea behind the 2 reasoning paragraphs would be to present, based on the writer's opinion, reasons that disadvantages have been misunderstood since these are actually advantages. That is the idea process behind the paragraph. Do not present a disadvantage and leave that discussion as is. Prove why the opposite of that opinion is true. Support your statement by showing how you consider the discussion differently so that your opinion appears to be the reliable one.
I think what he means is that when you write "do advantages outweigh the disadvantages" essay, you should prove how advantages/disadvantages outweigh disadvantages/advantages (to have a well score, of course).  
  
In your essay, you leave the disadvantages essay without proving why is inferior to the advantages sides. Writing it in opinion and conclusions is a must and it only clarify your opinion, not supporting it. From my own experience, there are two ways you could tackle this issue:  
  
First, if you decide to write both about advantages and disadvantages sides, you should include 2 disadvantages and 3 advantages (if advantages outweigh disadvantages) and vice versa.  
  
(OPTIONAL) In the 2st paragraph, you could start by saying that the aforementioned disadvantages are not as important as the significant advantages of sth...  
  
Second, like the consultant have said, you write two passages both favor in one side. However in 2nd paragraph, you should say a disadvantage which is thought to be true but it is not. You explain why this thinking is misunderstood and expand your ideas. It is hard but the best way to do this essay.  
  
This is all come frommy own experiences so some informations may be wrong. You should check some reliable documents or ask experts.
## spendings in japan and malaysia

  
  
The two pie charts illustrate the proportion of household spending in terms of 5 categories in Japan and Malaysia in 2010. Overall, the initial impression is the Japanese and the Malaysian spent most of their money on 3 categories: housing, food and other goods/services. It can also be seen that health care accounted for the least spending in both countries.  
  
In Malaysia households, over a third of citizens' budget went on housing. This figure was higher than that of Japanese, which took up 21% of their total expenditure. Japanese householders pay their largest portion on a range of other goods and services, at 29% of their total spending, which was slightly more than that of the Malaysian. In terms of food, the figures for both nations were similar, at 24% and 27% for Malaysia and Japan respectively.  
  
When it comes to transport, about a fifth of the Japanese householders' money was allocated into this category, which doubled that of the Malaysian. Health care consisted of smallest percentage of total expenditure in both nations, with 6% and 3% for Japan and Malaysia respectively.  
  
*
I would not use the word "illustrate" in reference to the images. The better reference point would be "compare" since that is what the data provided is for, a comparison of measurements covering the 5 aspects. If the writer can indicate the function of the images, the clearer the purpose of the images will be in the summary. It will fulfill the requirements for the summary overview in a more efficient manner. There are only 4 out of 5 trending observations made. It makes that section seems less developed than it should be. Next time, pick one target for the trend and present a high and low for only one topic. The rest of the comparisons can be saved for the actual reporting and analysis paragraphs.  
  
Malaysia is the country being indicated for the topic. The people from that country are called "Malaysians". That is the reference that needs to be used when referring to the resident's of the country in the second paragraph. Familiarize oneself with the way citizens of various countries are referred to. Incorrect references affect the LR and GRA score.  
  
householders'  
The reference is for a plural form of the word so the proprietarial apostrophe reference should not be used in this presentation.
## car ownership in the UK 1975-2005

  
  
line graph illustrates the proportion of car ownership in the UK over a period of 30 years from 1975 to 2005. Overall, the initial impression is that the percentage of people possessing 2 and 3 cars showed an upward trend. It can also be seen that having one car was the most common situation during the period given.  
  
In 1975 people having one car accounted for 45% of the car ownership. This was followed by that of no-car owners at around 43%. In the next 10 years, both the categories witnessed a roughly similar trend. While the figure of 1 car experienced a substantial decline to its all-low time of 37%, there was fewer citizens without cars, with its figure dropping to 25%. Toward the end of the period, the proportion of 1-car owners experienced a considerable rebound to its same figure in 1975. Those not using a car, in a meantime, bucked the trend with 3% decrease.  
  
Having 2 and 3 cars made up 7% and 3% respectively at the beginning of the period. Over the following 30 years, the same pattern was evident in those having 2 and 3 cars, with the latter hitting its peak of 17%, the latter peaking at roughly 9%.  
  
*
Watch out for the capitalization rule in the presentation. Never neglect to capitalize the first word of every sentence, specially when it relates to the topic sentence of the paragraph. Avoid implying any visual reference to the image because the reader is assumed to not have a copy of the image and therefore, will need to imagine the references being analyzed and described in the report.  
  
While the figure of 1 car  
One car ownership. Always indicate what the reference point is. Just saying "1 car" has no meaning to the reader.  
  
Balance the paragraph presentations. Aim to always present 3-5 sentences for a thorough and balanced analysis discussion presentation. When one paragraph has only 2 sentences, it comes across as not being fully considered for the presentation.  
  
The writer has a problem with his sentence development in the presentations. He is using colloquial English without knowing how to properly structure the presentation, making it awkward and confusing for the native English speaking reader.
Honestly, after looking through the essay, I have some certain feedback about this essay.  
- Firstly, you need to focus on capitalization rules, so you have to use upper-case on the first letter when starting a new paragraph. It's important!  
  
- You should condense your general trend in just one sentence, and you can describe the graph more particularly in the next paragraph.  
- There are some unclear points in your essay.  
*"In the next 10 years, **both the categories** witnessed ..."* → What categories? It is confusing.  
- *"The figure of one car"* → The graph talks about car ownership, and it is not correct at all.  
- Adverbs about contrast, comparison, similarity,... are recommended to emphasize the changes.  
- Grammar structures seem to be fine, but you should use complex sentences to specify alterations.
## Computers are often argued to be the most important invention of the last hundred years

  
  
There is some dispute whether the advent computers was the most critical breakthrough in modern civilization. In my opinion, this statement is partly true as other innovations also play significant roles in human's life.  
  
On the one hand, with the creation of computers, humankind has subtantially benefited in various aspects of life. This is rooted in the fact that the modern equipment has faciliate work and daily life of bilions of people. Given the automation in all types of work, computers has enabled workers to reduce their workload, enhance productivity thus increase the number of output. Likewise, people witnessed improvement in our stardard of living. To illustrate, employees are now able to complete their tasks at their safe haven while taking care of their dependants, which is greatly attributed to the harness of their computers. Finally, invention of computer acts as a precedessor for many innovations for the time being. Internet, smart devices and various crucial applications are developed based on elements of computers.  
  
On the other hand, many modes of transport, healthcare development and inventtions in other industries are also significant. Given the enhancement in transportation, goods are delivered much faster, demand is quickly met with supply thus result in flourishment of individuals all over the world. Mass-production electric cars is envisioned to safeguard the nature from the detrimental impacts of burning fossil fuel, which contributes to the well-being of all living creatures. Furthermore, new breeds of medicines have saved milions of lives. One case in point is that Pfizer, the vaccines released in the middle of Covid epidemic has maintained numerous lives. Besides, the vision of deployment of new technologies such as artificial intelligence, robots and 3D printing has become more apparent which hold the key to the prosperity our societies.  
  
In the light of these fact, other innovations have their positive affects upon people, albeit the position of computers is irriplacable. The roles of each creation should be credited proportionaly to their impact on our world.
The reference to the timeline from the original needs to be more specific and related. "Modern Civilization" could refer to the 21st century or the previous century. Synonyms for century needs to be used in this case. Synonyms for the word include centenary, centennial, or centurial. Using the correct descriptive numeral reference properly in a sentence will show proper use of advance English words.  
  
The discussion paragraph should have proven the point of the writer by using 2 significant alternative, but computer related developments over the past century. There were actually 2 representations in the second paragraph that could have effectively explained the point of the writer, had he not wasted his first reasoning paragraph on an incorrect discussion point. By the way, he did not double check his spelling throughout the presentation. There are a few spelling errors that were left unchecked, resulting in a lower LR score since the writer did not know how to properly spell the word.