dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. Discuss both views and give your opinion.***  
  
## technology makes people less "sociable"

  
  
Opinions differ as to whether new technology is causing a lack of sociability to its users in modern days. In my view, I believe technology is, in fact, making people less sociable.  
  
To begin with, it is understandable why people say that high technology would get individuals more connected. One reason is that, with the help of the internet, distance is no longer a barrier when it comes to socialization. In fact, since the launch of online networking platforms such as Facebook and Snapchat, online users have been enabled to expand their connections to friends who are living in other regions. Furthermore, technology may cultivate individuals to keep searching for more friends. With a few simple clicks, people could find someone who shares the same interests and start chatting about their hobbies immediately. This way, users would become more interested and they will try to interact with more people.  
  
However, I side with those who think that modern technology is damaging individuals' sociability. While it helps create a broader environment for meeting friends, relying too much on technology will result in weaker social skills. Indeed, due to less verbal communication, more and more people are now afraid of real-life talking. For instance, many millennials who are addicted to social networks nowadays could not seem to maintain an interesting and long conversation to others in actual business or social meetings. In addition, technology users have a tendency to only pay attention to their high-end gadgets and completely ignore face-to-face contact with other walkers on the streets. These issues have vastly decreased individuals' confidence in terms of verbal communication and made them disconnected to their peers and opportunities to make friends.  
  
In conclusion, while new technology has an intention to get people more connected, it is adversely decreasing people's socialization abilities in real life situations, thus, making them less sociable.
About your introduction part, you have a quite good paraphrase but I'm afraid that you forgot to outline what you are going to write. For example, 'this essay will discuss both views and state my own position'.  
  
I think you should add more in your conclusion. I mean you have to summary both views and then state your opinions.  
Also, I think the language you used in the essay is quite informal.  
I am just an IELTS learner, I hope my advice can help you a little!
Phan, each type of essay has a specific number of reasoning paragraphs to present in the body of the essay. When the essay requests you to discuss both opinions and provide a personal opinion, the reasoning paragraph presentation is done within 3 paragraph. Each paragraph represents:  
  
Point of View 1  
Point of View 2  
Personal Opinion  
  
Your personal opinion should not be merged with one of the two points of view as your personal opinion should show a consideration of both given discussion points prior to your siding with one of the given viewpoints. An additional error that you created was that you immediately presented your personal opinion in the prompt paraphrase. Since this is not a direct question essay, an immediate response located in the paraphrase section is not required. Rather an outline of the discussion instruction should be presented as the final sentence in this section.  
  
Save for these 2 mistakes, I have to say that you would have had a very well discussed essay that could be considered for at least a passing score had it followed the correct presentation format. I hope to see improvements to your work with your upcoming practice tests. Keep writing, you can only get better.
## technology's impact on the criminal cases

  
  
Hello everyone,  
  
I have been studying for takin IELTS as soon as possible. It'd be great, if someone evaluate my essay. Thanks in advance.  
  
Best,  
  
*Question:  
The crime rate nowadays is decreasing compared to the past due to advance technology which can prevent and solve crime.  
Do you agree or disagree?*  
  
My answer:  
  
It is argued that the numbers of criminal incident are lower than before because of the developing technology which keeps people away from the criminal world. I partly agree the view that advancements in technology have impact on the rate of committing crimes, while I believe that also the offenders benefit from the technological developments.  
  
On the one hand, the technology always helps officers catching the offenders or stopping the people who plan to commit a crime throughout the history. Besides for that, nowadays, there are lots of breakthrough regarded preventing most crimes. For example, officers have the fingerprints of ex-offenders which enable polices to find out the re-offenders. Furthermore, it can easily be said that computer-based systems or surveillance cameras contribute to agencies when they need to track some murderers or to monitor the money-transfer of some terrorists. Moreover, the advancements in technology also make individuals keep in safe, giving the equipments of home security or some applications on smart phones which are capable of calling the police when the user is in a dangerous situation.  
  
On the other hand, the technological benefits bring their own-risks in the modern world. There are various technological advancements which make the criminal people's jobs easier than ever since the market is useful for all people. Most of systems which are built up by computers have their own security barriers which it means that they also have some loops in their security systems. For example, even though digital banking is fairly beneficial for customers, there are certain risks like phishing users' ID or cracking the all security barriers. Likewise, there are some the cyber-risks for citizens.  
  
In conclusion, there are obviously some pros and cons related to the technology's impact on the criminal cases. I partly support the people who claim that nowadays the technological developments contribute to prevent crimes, whilst I think the some developments in technology adversely impact the criminal world.
**Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree?**  
  
## the coexistence of large and small stores on one market

  
  
With the proliferation of supermarkets, it has been hard for single stores and local businesses to keep up to the pace of the market. Some think that this may impact adversely to the local communities; however, I think that despite having a negative impact of burgeoning business of supermarkets, mom-and-pop stores are deemed to survive. Here are my analysis on this.  
  
Although supermarkets are back by corporate giants with best in class business acumen, a lot of time they fail to understand the local household needs. Local businessmen have acquired the knowledge while evolving their society and passing the baton through generations. This has led to building of a tacit understanding between the residents and community shop owners rendering to create an emotional connection and relationship between them. Another reason that will help these businesses survive is their proximity to the house. Supermarkets are huge in size and require large area where it can be built. This impedes them to exist near to a lot of household. Smaller shops will be in a better position when one needs to buy few items under time constraint.  
  
Advocates of the supermarkets on the other hand argues that the freebies and discount offers given by the supermarkets are going to attract a lot of businesses. With the support of investing behemoths, they will keep offering the discounts for a longer period of time gradually killing the smaller players.  
  
To each their own.One might assume that the boom in supermarkets is going to be lethal for the smaller community businesses, these will continue to survive the storm and will always make their place in the market.
Rites, this essay will immediately receive a failing score for the TA section, which means the essay will not have a chance of getting a passing score once all other errors in the presentation are considered individually, then overall. The reason this happened is because you totally changed the prompt discussion instructions and presentation requirements. Look at the following comparison to get a better idea of why the essay would fail:  
  
Original Question: Some people think... death of local communities. To what extent do you agree?  
Your Response: I think that despite having a negative impact ... Here are my analysis on this.  
  
Why are you analyzing the given discussion when the requirement is for you to agree or disagree with the given discussion statement? You totally misread the discussion requirements and because of that, you presented an irrelevant discussion within the essay paragraphs. Your response should have clearly responded to the question by either agreeing or disagreeing with the given discussion point.  
  
This should have been discussed as a single opinion essay. The way that you wrote this essay would have been more appropriate for a Task 1 essay since you are offering an analysis. It could have also applied partially to a "discuss both opinions and give your opinion" of the given topic instruction. It does not apply to an extent discussion essay.
Helloo there ...,  
Let me give you my view towards this essay. For a start, I see that you attempt to start writing your first paragraph by introducing the issue. However, I dont see you state the thesis statement clearly although you have tried to paraphrase the prompt. Let me give you an example: The development of local shops is being stagnated since multinational supermarkets are growing faster and tend to negatively affect the local community. (background information) Therefore, it is agreed that since local markets cannot compete with giant supermarkets, this is more likely to rise the number of unemployment rates and drain a locality's economic. (thesis statement)  
  
If you write for an IELTS essay, it is mandatory you need to show a fully-developed example as to support your claim in the body paragraph. Here you left the example.  
  
In the paragraph 3, you need to add more detailed sentences as to discuss the issue in-depth. If you peruse such a paragraph more closely, then you will see how sentences to sentences are lost in coherence.  
  
To each their own.  
I am not sure what you are tying to say here. But for me, when it comes to the concluding paragraph, you need to use "a conclusion signal" to show you are about to end your essay.  
  
Hope this helps  
  
*Eddy Suaib, an IELTS teacher of English Studio - IELTS Kampung Inggris Pare Kediri, Indonesia*
Hello, I am an undergraduate from Taiwan. I am preparing for IELTS writing by myself and need some advice. This is my first time using the websites, so please pardon me if I got anything wrong. Any suggestion is appreciated, thanks a lot!  
  
## birth rate in developed countries have been decreasing

  
  
**Many people today, especially in the developed world, are choosing to have fewer children, or none at all.  
Why is this happening, and do you think it is a good trend?**  
  
Recently, there are more and more people in developed countries deciding not to have as many kids as before. However, I think this is not a good sign. In the following essay, I will explain the reason for this and present my own opinion.  
  
One of the cause may be birth control policy imposed several decades ago. At that time, there were too many new born babies, so the government call for family planning. This concept has been deeply rooted in many people's heart since then. Second, as the social values change over time, more and more young couples disagree with the idea that they are obligated to sacrifice their youth or freedom so as to bear and raise children. Instead, they have their own dream or goal to pursue.  
  
In my opinion, economically, having less children born means that there will be fewer workers in the future, which may cause a dramatic decrease in a nation's productivity and economy growth. Moreover, I personally think that though having a child or more than one is a heavy burden and can be exhausting, it is definitely worthwhile and a strong sense of accomplishment to see your own children growing up and enjoy the laughter during the process.  
  
In conclusion, because of some policy carried out years ago and the change in people's thinking, birth rate in developed countries have been decreasing, which may lead to some negative effects. Therefore, both the governments and the people should come up with some methods to solve this problem.
Hello Vimini,  
  
I just would like to evaluate your essay in some perspective.  
  
First of all, for IELTS writing task-2, there are four criteria;  
  
·Task response  
·Coherence and cohesion  
·Lexical resource  
·Grammatical range & accuracy.  
  
I think, any participants who plan to take IELTS exam should consider these criteria.  
  
When it comes to your essay, it has good structure, and it flow smoothly. Notwithstanding, it does not seem like you are ready to take exam.  
  
In intro part, you should not say "In the following essay" or "I will explain" etc. You should directly say your opinion, I think.  
  
"One of the cause", you should add "s" at the end of "cause".  
  
Good-luck.
Ching, this is a direct question essay, which requires a direct response be delivered to the questions in the prompt paraphrase. This is used to outline the reasoning paragraphs between 2-3 reasons. For this type of question, a 2 paragraph reasoning essay is required. The way that you formatted the essay paraphrase does not respond to the 2nd question at all so it could lower the task accuracy score for your essay.  
  
For this type of question, provide your opinion and the reason towards the end of the 5 sentence maximum paraphrase. Those sentences create the discussion topic and reason for your essay which will help increase your TA, GRA, and C&C scores overall. The way you responded to the essay shows that you are using a memorized format from a book for the response. Using memorized formats and phrases tend to lessen the scoring consideration for your essay because you do not fully utilize your English writing skills in the process.  
  
You must only discuss one reason per paragraph because there is not enough room in a 5 sentence paragraph to properly develop, discuss, and provide examples for each topic. Your first reasoning paragraph became very weak and under developed because of this mistake. You need to make sure to use only one topic unless the instruction provides for a plural representation for the discussion. In which case, you will need to format your reasoning paragraphs differently using transition sentences to go from one reason to the next in the same paragraph instead.  
  
Your concluding summary falls short of the 3 sentence minimum - 5 sentence maximum requirement. You will lose in GRA points due to the run-on sentences represented in the 2 sentence presentation. Always use a full stop, a period, to introduce new discussions. Never use a comma as that creates the run-on presentation.
## IELTS WRITING TASK 1 (TABLE)

  
  
*TASK 1:You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.  
The table illustrates the proportion of monthly household income five European countries spend on food and drink, housing, clothing and entertainment.  
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.  
Write at least 150 words.*  
  
The table indicates data on the percentage of budget, which residents in five nations spend on food and drink, housing, clothing and entertainment every month. Overall, people in 5 European countries spend on food and drink and housing significantly more than remaining categories, while citizens in the UK pay the same proportion for clothing and entertainment.  
  
Of the five countries, Spanish and Turkish households spend the highest proportions of their income for food and drink, at 31% and 36% respectively. 27% of UK households budget pay for this items, compared to 22% in Germany and 25% in France. By contrast, individuals in all of five nations spend the highest percentage for housing monthly. In France, Germany and the UK people spend more than 30% of their income for housing, at 31%, 33% and 37% respectively. However, this figure for Turkey is 20% and only 18% for Spain.  
  
In a month, Germany is the country, which spends most in clothing and entertainment, at 15% and 19% respectively. Besides, both the UK and Turkish people pay over 10% for clothing, at 11% and 12% correspondingly, compared to only 7% by the French citizens and 8% by the Spanish citizens in the same item. The people in the UK pay the similar proportion for entertainment, at just 11%, while the figures are 15% for Spain, 13% for France and only 10% for Turkey.  
  
*
Pham, please remember that your noun phrase must represent the proper number reference for your item. In this instance, you said "This items", with items being a plural form. Therefore, the plural form "these" should be used to reference the items to prevent an incorrect noun phrase, hence "these items". Such a mistake will be considered an error that can lower your GRA score.  
  
By the way, the Task 1 essay should have a 4 paragraph format. The trending sentence can be made a stand alone reference sentence in situations where it is warranted, such as in this presentation. You should not have combined the trending sentence with the opening summary paragraph. Instead, you should have included a reference to the given instructions for the essay so that the reader will know what information will be discussed and how. In addition to that, the inclusion of the discussion instructions as a paraphrase will help you develop an outline for your discussion. That missing sentence is what forced the 3 paragraph error in your presentation. That is easily avoidable in the next practice essay.  
  
By the way, you have written too many words for this essay. You only have 20 minutes to write, review, revise, and finalize this essay. So the most you can write, in hand-written form will be no more than 175 - 200 words. Always leave some time for editing and always practice your task writing using a timer. You will learn, through that method, exactly how many words you are capable of writing within 20 minutes. Through repetition, you will find that you will always be writing just the right number of words to allow you to revise the essay later on.
## IELTS: Importance of Arts

  
  
**Some people think that government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere.  
To what extent do you agree with this view?**  
  
Government budget over art is argued by a few as waste of money. At the same time, some advice to redirect the share of the spending to other programs. I totally disagree with this point of view. This essay will prove it by using arguments and evidences.  
  
The advocates of arts have believed that art has always been associated with culture and heritage of a civilization. Different art forms like classical dance, folk dance, classical music, paintings are the epitome of dated events and mythology of a society. Often this builds one's pride for his nation. It is said that Tamil society in India is so proud of its culture that despite being part of a majority Hindi speaking nation, it has kept its identity intact by working towards the support and upliftment of their art forms. Thus, art has always been a binding factor for any ancient culture.  
  
Another reason to support art is the revenue it generates for the economy by means of tourism. Historically, cities with most number of art galleries and monuments with beautiful designs attract most number of travelers. Louvre Museum in Paris as well as the galleries full of surreal art in Vatican is the dream destinations in everyone's "must visit list before you die". Tourists' foot-falls generates jobs in Hotel industries and at the same time augments to a nation's gross domestic product.  
  
After discussing these benefits, we can safely conclude that allocating money for art will actually help generate revenue back to the economy as well as it will be beneficial to a society's identity for the generation to come.
About your introduction part, I'm afraid that you forgot to outline what you are going to write specifically, which is very important. You have to tell clearly what is your 2 reasons are. Also, you have to write clear your thesis statement. You say " I totally disagree with this point of view.". Which point of view? You mention both and now you just say something in general which the examiners dont want.  
  
I think your response to the question is missing. In the first supporting para, you dont mention anything about why the government should fund art. You just say, I think, why art is so important. Therefore, your essay isnt persuasive.  
  
Also, you cannot start the conclusion like that. You ought to use words like "In conclusion" or "In short" to conclude your writing.  
I am just an IELTS learner, I hope my advice can help you a little!
Rites, congratulations in writing a precise prompt paraphrase and including a properly framed extent response as your response to the question. It was well written even though it is still a little grammatically incorrect. The fact that you were cohesive and coherent in the Task Accuracy presentation will boost your score for sure.  
  
Your inter-connected reasoning and discussions in the reasoning paragraphs work very well based on the outline discussion that the original prompt provided. It is strong in terms of presentation and provides an understanding of your intermediate English writing skills. However, your second reasoning paragraph contains a run-on sentence in the third paragraph. Remember, you will score better for short, but well worded and discussed sentences. Only one or two supporting examples would have sufficed in that sentence with a period separating the identity discussion. It would have created more complex sentence presentations in the process.  
  
Your concluding summary is also impressive. You created an uncommon concluding presentation as you did not use the memorized phrases for the opening sentence. This will certainly increase your GRA score as well. There is one exception to this though. You forgot to include the 2 sides that the topic was all about. You went directly to repeating your opinion instead. Remember, you always need to present a reverse paraphrase in that part of the essay presentation.