dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Modern forms of communication

  
  
*Modern forms of communication such as email and messaging have reduced the amount of time people spend seeing their friend. This has had a negative effect on their social lives.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.*  
  
It is true that modern forms of communication such as email and messaging have transformed people's time to contact with their friends instead of seeing them. It is not certain that it has had negative effect on their social lives.  
  
Nowsaday, people have always worked to be worry about their life. It is clearly that they have not had leisure time seeing their friends, as a result modern forms of communication such as wechat, messaging have been the best choice. It confirms that people have not talked to familiar when they have been far away, nevertheless, they have seen each other by video chatting. I'm additionally, as far as work is concerned, it is easy to exchange information throughout email intimately. That means this has saved moving time and has been more safety.  
  
On the other hand, the way people spend many time chatting by modern forms of communication, so they do not meet their friends more, therefore, their relation will not be the same in the past. Moreover, there are a lot of stories which share through messaging and this affected the feeling.  
  
However, it takes the amount of time to move and see friends, while they do a lot of things during the time. It has benefits that they save time and money for meetings. What is more, modern forms of communication are allowed people are each other by camera.  
  
To draw the conclusion, one can say that social lives is better now. It is difficult to argued that modern forms of communication have reduced many the amount of time people spend seeing their friends. We need to take a reasonable the leisure hours.
HI there, I have some opinions about your essay, I hop it helps.  
I will first indicate your grammar issues, and second, state my idea toward the coherent and cohesive in your writing.  
  
1/ Grammar  
- You may consider checking spelling and punctuation once you've done the essay. For example:  
Nowadays => I believe that this is wrong typing.  
As a result, modern forms of..... ; ...far away. Nevetherless,  
- Other grammar mistakes such as:  
...to ~~be~~ worry or to be ~~worry~~  = > "Be" and "worry" are two independent Verbs, and they can define the meaning in the sentence by themselves.  
  
...much/any time or many times  
The first sentence of your concluding paragraph is an incomplete sentence, that is a comparison sentence, and it is inappropriate in academic writing.  
... ~~to~~ familiar to => the word familiar is an adj or N but doesn't have a verb form,  
and there are some other issues that you might want to have a look later.  
2/ Coherent and cohesive:  
I think the paragraphs in your don't support each other quite well. Your topic sentence in the second paragraph is so confusing. I mark a question that why do people work to worry? The every each sentence following your the topic has been conducting different meanings and ideas: leisure time, far distance, save time, etc. which make me confused.
Lay, I am not sure if you did not understand the prompt requirement or you just chose to ignore the instructions for the discussion. Your essay has already failed, regardless of your grammar problems because you showed a lack of English comprehension skills. YOu did not discuss the essay in the manner required by the discussion instructions. Following the instructions comprises more than half your test score. Failure to do so will result in a failure of the exam. Why did you fail?  
  
Original Question for Discussion: To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
Your Discussion Response: It is not certain that it has had negative effect on their social lives.  
  
Why are you discussing a negative effect essay when the instruction is to have you discuss an extent essay based on an agreement or disagreement with the given topic? The negative effect discussion in the prompt represents the topic and reason for the discussion. It is not the discussion instruction. There are 2 things that are going to be clear to the examiner when it comes to your essay:  
  
1. You do not understand the instructions of the essay.  
2. You created your own topic for discussion.  
  
By creating a prompt deviation, you discussed the essay in a manner that does not suit the prompt requirements. You have to become more familiar with the way that Task 2 essay instructions are discussed. That way you avoid making mistakes such as a non-response to the prompt requirement and also, creating prompt deviations.
**Topic: The leaders or directors of organizations are often older people. But some people say that young people can also be a leader. Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## the old is more suitable

  
  
It is not uncommon that elderly people as a leader of organizations run the company, so as the young people. I deem that the old is more suitable. There are couples of reasons.  
  
The senior elderly policymakers are more likely to be perceptive of the pros and cons of business development, leading a company a suitable direction because of the experiences they gained. Those experiences bring them not only keen insight of making decisions but better cognitive skills, such as big-picture thinking and long-term vision. Moreover, the working stability of the old generation is more higher since they used to have pressure on family-caring, mortgage-loading and relocation difficulty, which consequently leads an entity to have more values and benefits to be created.  
  
Additionally, interpersonal relationship also can not be excluded. The old director are mature enough to possess communication skills of handling negotiations with all walks. These personal traits bring an organization a foundation of smoothly running a company, preventing split and dissent from within.  
  
The young, admittedly, have their edges as well. Passion and creativity are the most impressive characteristics among them. The young leaders tend to think out of the box, break the rules and operate an entity in a cross-age way. However, this is limited to managing a small group of people. When it comes to running a large scale company, due to lack of experience in tacking every aspect of the departments and the suspicion of credibility from subordinate, a young leader faces more challenges than an old leader.  
  
In a nutshell, whether a leader is supposed to be young or old should depends on the experiences, ability, and scale of the company. I agree that the older people are more suitable for being a leader, especially in a bigger company, and vice versa.
Jian, try to avoid using the wrong comparative form in your essays. You cannot say "more higher" because it creates somewhat of a repetition in terms. It is better to say "higher" in this instance. You also must never say "can not" because that is a contraction. "Cannot" is the more popular contraction form and also makes more sense when reading it because the meaning of "can not" indicates both an ability and inability to complete a move ( can= possible not= impossible). Remember the singular-plural rules. When you refer to a "director" that is one person. The reference to this in your essay as "... old director are" is incorrect because of the plural rules. "Are" refers to several, you should have used "is" which is singular.  
  
With the main grammar issues out of the way, I would now like to point out an error in your Task Accuracy presentation. The essay prompt is asking the question:  
  
*Do you agree or disagree?*  
  
Therefore the response should be:  
  
*I disagree that young people can be leaders for two reasons.*  
  
The prompt gave you a choice for the response which should be reflected in your response statement, which is part of the prompt paraphrase. You need to use the keyword as required in the essay to indicate proper understanding of the prompt requirements. Your response in the prompt paraphrase is more applicable as a topic sentence for the first reasoning paragraph of your essay.  
  
Your second reasoning paragraph is good but lacking in examples which can deliver a strong supporting statement for the reasoning presented in that paragraph. Always try to present a complete paragraph development by including an easily understandable example at the end of the paragraph.  
  
The concluding paragraph could also be better developed by using the summary of topic sentences from the reasoning paragraphs. That shows a complete summary of the discussion, rather than the current presentation which seems to have just the repeated explanation of your opinion of the discussion topic.
Hi, with your essay, i believe that Contributor Holt has already run through all of your grammatical and task response problems.  
So i just want to discuss with you more about your ideas and the way you organised them, as a reader.  
It seem to me that it is not convincing enough to agree that the senior has better communication skills, according to your second reasoning paragraph. The youth still can manage the conversation very well. This is the matter of interpersonal skills, regardless of the age. You need to improve your reasoning more, instead of just imposing your idea, without caring it is persuasive or not.  
  
For example, i would like to rewrite your second body paragraph like this:  
*Additionally, the senior usually has stronger interpersonal connection with their collaborators. It is because his old age is an advantage which helps him gain more respect from others due to the common conception of our society that is " respect older''. Moreover, for the senior who works in the company, with other colleages for a long time before he is appointed the chief position, it's obvious that he has closer and deeper relationships. These are extremely helpful for the leader to run company smoothly, prevent split and dissent from within.*  
  
It is just my personal opinion, i hope to hear from you too!
Thanks for the comment.  
  
I revised the first paragraph giving an example:  
  
"Take Steve Jobs, the former CEO of Apple Inc., as an example. Because of his experience in managing titan, and the vision to develop uncharted new technology integrated into cell phone, he announced the first generation of smart phone in 2007 and as a consequence Apple became the most valuable company in the world."  
  
The second one should be shorter because the whole writing limits to 300 words:  
  
"Additionally, interpersonal relationship also cannot be excluded.  
The senior already has a closer and deeper relationship with their collaborators. This brings an organization a foundation of smoothly running a company, preventing split and dissent from within. "  
  
And the conclusion:  
  
"In a nutshell, a leader should be senior enough to run a company because they have better working experiences, ability, and interpersonal skills, especially in a bigger enterprise."
Avoid using any informal expressions such as " pros and cons", "in a nutshell "  
  
Your position is not consistent throughout the essay, it seems that you start your essay with one-sided opinion approach then end with a balanced- opinion approach :  
  
Your thesis statement says that old is more suitable, while in your conclusion you say that it depends on several factors and the young could be better too in sepecial circumstances.  
  
TRY to read your thesis statement before writing each body paragraph to decide the best matching ideas.
## The animal species become extinct due to human activities on land and in sea.

  
  
Nowadays, the life of people has modrenized because of the great development of industrialization and technology. However, it is supposed that the extinction of animal species such as land and marine animals results from human activities, especially is deforestation and dynamite. This can stem from many causes, which calls for possible solutions to be adopted.  
  
The extinction of animal species can be attributed to several factors. Firstly, one possible reason could be that deforestation is in alarming rate since the overpopulation booms. People have to meet the housing demand. Not only is the loss of animals' habitat threatened but also land animals will be hunted by wrongdoers who carry out the illegal activities. Another cause worth mentioning is that dynamite is the most cruelest way to catch marine animals. To be more specific, when using this weapon, there is an enormous explosion that makes penty of creatures injure seriously, even cause a thousand of deaths. Then they will be brought to sell.  
  
There are several measures which can be taken to handle this issue. To begin with, should a heavy punishment be imposed to offenders by the government. This can be done by imprisoning them from three to five years for ruining the resources of environment to ensure they will not reoffend. In marine life, the government should prohibit people from catching fish by dangerous chemicals. Under any circumstances, if they want to catch fish mainly because having the end meet, their activities must be manual.  
  
To a word, the extinction of animal species results from many causes, and there are several actions that can be taken to tackle this issue.
Hi! Overall, the essay is written very well, however, it lacks some essential structural features. For example, the second body paragraph does not explain the causes of extinction, as it only describes the cruel methods of this action. Also, the conclusion must be more extended, 2-3 sentences and should not start from 'to a word'. You have to use more academic linkers, as far as I'm concerned. And some slight grammar corrections which I've observed:  
  
modernized  
  
the ~~most~~ cruelest  
  
plenty of creatures injured\*  
  
even causing  
  
making ends meet  
  
Good luck!
Huu,, as a direct question essay, you are required to present your simplified response to both questions, in this case the causes and possible solutions, within the opening paraphrase. These reasons and causes will serve as the 2 reasoning paragraph outline for your essay. Now remember, this is an advanced writing type of essay so you will need to use transition sentences in each paragraph to relate 2 reasons and 2 solutions in each paragraph presentation. That means, you need to use the maximum of 5 sentences per paragraph in the following manner:  
  
Sentence 1 - First reason  
Sentence 2 - Supporting example  
Sentence 3 - Transition sentence  
Sentence 4 - Second reason  
Sentence 5 - Supporting example  
  
The same format goes for the solutions, this time replacing the term "reasons" with "solutions". In reality, your presentation was close to the above format except you lacked a transition sentence in the middle of the paragraph and you lacked supporting examples that could have strengthened the presentation. You also went over the maximum sentence number in the first reasoning paragraph. You should never write more than 5 sentences per paragraph.  
  
Additionally, your concluding statement is very weak as it does not offer a proper summary of the prompt, reasoning, and solutions as indicated for the reverse paraphrase requirements of the concluding summary.
## Advantages and Disadvantages of studying overseas

  
  
Nowadays, going abroad for studying has been more and more popular to Vietnamese students. This controversial issue has taken a strong influence to students and even their family, in both positive and negative ways.  
  
On the positive side, study abroad is a wonderful chance to broaden your mind and harden yourself. You will be able to experience the new styles of education and cultures when you go to a foreign country. It will be not only awesome to learn in a different environment but also excited to explore that country. You can know about its traditional food, clothes, crafts and practice languages by speaking to the native speakers.A further advantage of studying overseas is personal development. Usually, you will have to live by your own and work part time to get money to afford courses as well as living expense. Consequently, after dealing with all of these problems, you will be more mature and independent.  
  
On the negative side, there are three main drawbacks of studying overseas : time, money and health. It is undeniable that this way of studying cost too much. Unless you have a full scholarship , your parents will try to do everything to get enough money for you to go for overseas studying. Many of them don't consider the right point of it and may lose too much money when their children can't put up with the situation anymore. In addition, you can also be extremely tired because of studying and working in a long time without eating methodically. This is bad for your health and also for your family who cares for you so much. It will take time to get used to the new styles and sometimes this causes shock, illness, etc.  
  
In conclusion, studying abroad brings both advantages and disadvantages to students in Vietnam. Therefore, I suggest you and your family should think over before going to a foreign country with the aim of studying.
Hi there, I think your essay is quite good at word usages, grammar structures, and the connection between paragraph is clear enough to indicate your point of views. However, I have some opinions toward your writing, and I hope it helps.  
  
1/ We do not use "don't" in formal writing.  
2/ I suggest to discuss more detail in your supporting idea rather than develop it into a short view. For example, in the second paragraph, you might consider explaining the topic sentence deeply: how to broaden your mind and harden yourself? And provide a specific example to demonstrate your idea precisely.  
  
3/ You ought to avoid repeating words and search for more academic words to convey your thoughts appropriately. I think your writing contains informal tone and it makes you exceed word limited (you wrote 323 words) because you were using too many words to express an idea.
Hello Margaret,  
The essay is very good as it addresses all part of the question. Most ideas are given with some explanations and logically organized which is very great.  
  
However, there are certainly some missteps there: you should use more complex sentences in your essay to boost your score up. Simple connecting words such as "while", "even though" can greatly improve your overall score.  
  
There is also room for better vocabulary. The simple and non-academic words such as "bad" should be avoided. A sufficient range of vocabulary also helps you from repeating word in your writing.  
  
This is my personal opinion, but I would suggest you not to use pronoun like "I, you" too much in your essay.  
Cheer.
**Topic: Some people believe that students should study at schools are better than studying in groups. However, others argue that students study at schools are better than they study on their owns. Discuss both views and give your opinion?** (300-350 words)  
  
I'm still uncertain with the task response of this type of essay. I wonder if my essay below is done appropriately or are there any problems i still have? Please help me by explaining it clearly. Thanks a lot!  
  
## **THE ADVANTAGE OF GROUP STUDY AND SELF-STUDY**

  
  
There are two schools of thought when it comes to campus study methods: group study or self-study. Some people hold the opinion that group study is more beneficial for students than self-study, while others have inverse thought. Personally, I believe that each has its own advantage in particular situations. In this essay, I would like to discuss these two public points of view and account for my specific opinion.  
  
On one hand, some people promote the idea that solo-learning allows students to study in an environment that is perfect for them, therefore, help them study more efficiently. They demonstrate that this method minimizes the distraction that can keep students from memorizing knowledge and create favorable conditions to pay complete attention to the study materials. They also argue that study alone means that students can study at their own preference. Every student has his own learning priorities, different strategies and suitable speed in acquiring knowledge. This method allows students not to be dependent on other partners and learn in the way that works best for them.  
  
On the other hand, one group of people supports the opinion that group study helps students cover a larger amount of knowledge and learn at deeper levels. They explain that when students study together, they can learn new perspectives on topics discussed, broaden their understanding, evaluate the accuracy of their view points and correct any mistakes they might have. Moreover, verbalizing concepts and explaining materials to other team mates help to reinforce ideas and enhance their comprehension.  
  
Although two study methods are really beneficial, I believe no method is superior to the other, instead, each is useful in specific disciplines. Self-study is more efficient to be applied to the tricky academic field of study, such as Math, Physics and Chemistry because these subject required complicated brainstorming and a large amount of time and effort spent on exercises practicing to master. Meanwhile, social subjects like Literature, History, and English whose knowledge foundation built up from social activities is most suitable with the group-study method.  
  
In conclusion, each method has its own perks and I believe students can optimize these if they apply these methods in appropriate ways.
Hi, I hope this helps a little.  
  
I think: "There are two opinions when it comes to campus student studying method, studying alone or studying as a group." is smoother.  
  
This method allows students not to be dependent on other partners and learn in the way that works best for them --->This method allows students to be independent and study in a way that works best for them.  
  
evaluate the accuracy of their **viewpoints** and correct any...  
verbalizing concepts and explaining materials to other **teammates** help to reinforce ideas and enhance their comprehension.  
  
Although two study methods are really beneficial, I believe no method is superior to the other ---> Although both methods are beneficial, I believe neither one is superior.  
  
You can try to read the essay as a whole and try to make it easier to understand.