dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT ALL YOUNG PEOPLE SHOULD BE REQUIRED TO STAY IN FULL-TIME EDUCATION UNTIL AT LEAST THE AGE OF 18.***  
## TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?

  
  
It is believed that full-time education should be compulsory for youngsters until they are 18 years old. While I agree that this policy holds great promises, I do not think all young people should study full-time.  
  
On the one hand, access to full-time education would be of great benefits for children who are under 18 years old. Firstly, full-time education enables students to get an all-round pool of knowledge and skills through a wide range of subjects such as mathematics, science, history and so on which provide students sufficient preparation for future employment. What is more, attending school the whole time prevents youngsters from undesirable materials on the internet. In contrast, children tend to develop violent behaviour due to excessive exposure to violent acts through internet or online games, thereby leading to crime commitment. Therefore, involvement in full-time education would reduce their time wasted on these stuff and lessen social problems.  
  
On the other hand, I believe that not all teenagers should be required to study full-time. First, it is not advisable for children with inborn talents to take full-time education. This is because these children should attend a more suitable training course to nurture their ability rather than learn academic subjects. A boy who is excellent at playing soccer, for instance, should be trained as a professional football player instead of learning academic knowledge until the age of 18. Besides, students whose academic performance is too poor should not access full-time education. Instead, they should be encouraged to leave school and enroll in vocational training programmes to earn their living and support their family.  
  
In conclusion, although I agree that 18-year education system would provide basic knowledge for a child's development, I believe that it is not advisable for all young people.
Always give a proper and direct response to the given discussion question at the end of the first paragraph. Your response does not follow the required format, which means you are providing an unrelated response based on the given topic. Your response should have a measured degree of disagreement with the given statement. You cannot both agree and disagree, as you presented in the response you wrote. That is because there are only 2 extent choices provided. You were not given room to present a comparative discussion, only a single opinion representation. It is this error that created the failing response approach and format for this essay. Next time, make sure that you understand the discussion requirements. Do research. Learn the difference between a single opinion essay and a comparative discussion essay, as required for the Task 2 test. There are clear differences that should help you properly address the essay discussion during your next practice test.
This paper requires professional proofreading to clean up the severe grammatical errors within the presentation. While the essay itself remains understandable, the mangled English grammar makes one wonder how you were able to properly participate in and English debate and actually pass the class. There are times when the presentation begins to ramble on, not really staying on topic and referring to other materials that you used to help improve yourself as a debater. You are also repetitive, constantly repeating "what I learned..." every chance you get. There is no need for such redundancy because the reader already knows that this is a self assessment paper. There is no need to constantly remind the reader about it. You may want to consider hiring our private editing and proofreading services to help you clean up this presentation.
*Topic:  
**Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation.***  
## Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

  
  
Working at home, owning your own company is the creative, trendy doing business recent days. People can not be denied such benefits it brings as freedom, time-saving, being your own boss. This happens for several reasons and leads to either negative aspects.  
  
This new way of employing might result from three main points. First and foremost, self-employed grow the income faster than in traditional business. Less investments, less pay on infracture may save a huge amount of money. In fact, what self-employer earn is based on the solely valued they made for their clients. Second, people can also be fully responsible for their children and elderly parents. Since it provides the flexibility everyone needs, they no longer meet deadlines or struggle in rush hour to be on time. Lastly, there would be no worry about the disappearance of the jobs one day. Working for yourself allows people to resolve the problem independently, even lose then start-up one more time without any duty.  
  
However, despite the fact that people see only the merits of self-employed, the disadvanatges still should be considered thoughtfully. Firstly, multitasking skill is one of the most essential part of the jobs. As doing the work alone, a lot of people are responsible for full process of the project from getting it, excuting then closing successfully. Secondly, the loss of social gatherings is the fact of this new way. There is no celebrations, no social contact, no teamwork which actually lack of business feeling. Last but not least, there might have no help for the taxes people need to pay. In fact, the taxes need to be filled on time by oneself is too huge meanwhile working in company or organization saves that invest.  
  
To conclude, although the higher income, the flexibility and the independence is the interesting reasons for choosing self-employed, the untraditional business consists of some bad points.
The original prompt needs to be restated in as close a manner as the original topic. You cannot present information that is not contained in the original prompt due to the way it changes the discussion pattern for the essay. As such, your TA score will be failing because the information provided is totally unrelated to the original task. Your question response is also confusing to the reader. It does not make any sense to the reader.  
  
You are over discussing the presentation. You should focus less on using word fillers and more on presenting clear explanations that relate to the topic in every paragraph. You can do this within 5 sentences. Instead, your paragraphs are all under developed, your reasons unrelated and lacking in cohesiveness, which leads to incoherent discussion points.  
  
The comparative discussion should have shown a paragraph of positive discussion, then a paragraph of negative discussion that shows the errors of the advantage discussion. Your presentation fails to do this so you will have a hard time convincing the examiner that you actually understood the discussion instructions for the presentation.
## Funds for program advertisements at schools

  
  
To do something in the best way, you need to have budget. In the school, all the programs also need money to launch their plan. But some schools do not have enough financial resources to do that. Therefore, these schools allow advertisements in their building to extend their budget.  
  
In my opinion, I think that is a good idea to mobilize money from all kinds of resources to implement their programs.  
Firstly, money is very important to do everything, beside human resouces, money play a key role to open the hardness, we could not do anything in a sustainable and perfect way without money.  
  
Secondly, nowadays, there are a lot of educated bases which making a loan to pay for their education activities especially in a Non - Governmental education system. To utilise financial resouces, allowing advertisements in their infrastructure system should be encouraged. The more income they get, the better outcome they have. Besides that, tuition fee may be reduced when they earn much money from extra income they get. Therefore, the school board will receive their outstanding reputation for helping their student during learning activities.  
  
Thirdly, The matter is that, how to allow and manage advertisements that does not affect teaching and learning resutls of both teachers and students , that is the big issues need to be discussed? I suggest that the school board need to discuss clearly and deeply to find out the best method to archive their goal. For example, advertisements can be accepted if they do not affect teaching - learning activiteis, do not make noise during the day time...etc. Thus, there are some creterias about advertisements need to be prepared and negotiated.  
  
To sum up, I totally support for the idea that schools can allow advertisents inside their building to have more powerful budget for taking their programs.
Your prompt restatement does not contain information from the original prompt so I am unsure as to the degree of acceptability of your restatement. When you change the information from the original prompt, which you forgot to provide, you tend to end up changing the total discussion focus from the original presentation. Additionally, when you are asked to agree or disagree or support / not support a given statement, that should be presented as the thesis statement at the end of your first paragraph. That is not placed in the concluding paragraph because the concluding paragraph is meant to summarize the given information to help you present the same prompt, but in a new manner, this time adding your opinion and reasons to the original discussion presentation.  
  
This is not the type of discussion question that allows you to offer an opinion and also a support/non support statement. This error in your presentation makes me believe that you made up your prompt requirement for this essay. It did not come from a book, it did not come from the available practice prompts online either. That is why you have not written the essay in a manner uniform in requirement to an IELTS task 2 essay.  
  
Now that you know why this presentation will not work as a Task 2 essay, let me give you a general review of your work.  
  
Your thesis statement, the "In my opinion" part should never be a stand alone sentence. Regardless of the kind of essay you are writing, the thesis statement is always presented at the end of the first paragraph / introduction paragraph. The reason being that the thesis statement gives reason to the previous sentences that include the topic, reasons for the discussion, and your opinion or additional information, which come together to create a discussion point for your essay.  
  
A complete paragraph requires a 3-5 sentence presentation. A single sentence presentation as you have in your first rasoning paragraph shows a lack of fully explained and developed reasoning. It will not convince the reader of your opinion nor give additional strength to your overall essay. It removes the coherence and cohesiveness of the statement you are providing in that paragraph.  
  
Rhetorical questions should not be used in an essay because it could accidentally change your provided thesis statement or discussion points. It is always best to present statements of opinion rather than a question in an academic / opinion essay.
## Practice writing an email

  
  
Exercise: You recently received an email from your English-speaking friend, Pat, he said that he is going to have a holiday.  
Write a letter to Pat, and invite him to your country and stay with you during his holiday.  
  
Dear Pat,  
It's really great to hear from you. How is it going? I received the email from you which said that you plan to have a holiday. I am writing this email to invite you to visit my country, Vietnam on your holiday.  
  
As you know, my country is famous for having lots of great destinations which are well-known by numerous foreigner tourists such as Ha Long Bay, Phu Quoc, Nha Trang, etc.  
  
If you visit my country, I obviously feel excited to have a chance to be your tour guide and help you not only know more about Viet Nam's special traditional cultures, but also explore my country's food, scenery. Because you haven't visited Viet Nam before, I think Dang Nang, which is called beach city, is the worth destination to visit. The beach there is absolutely clean, blue and the weather is quite pleasant, that is a good chance to go sightseeing, eat seafood and swim. Besides, I also love to invite you to visit my hometown, Ninh Binh, which is beautiful with Bai Dinh temple, Trang An, Mua cave and also has an abundance of delicious traditional food. Additionally, I would like to suggest inviting you to stay in my house in Ninh Binh and my parents, my brother are welcome to you, too.  
  
I hope that you will visit my country on your holiday. I am looking forward to hearing from you and don't forget to give my regards to your parents, too.  
  
Best wishes  
Stella
You were able to follow the instructions for writing the letter very well. However, the paragraph presentations could have been better developed. Specially the second paragraph which was left totally undeveloped in the presentation. The invitation to visit the country should be accompanied by the offer to be a tour guide in the second, not third paragraph.  
  
You enumerated tourist spots in the second paragraph but you did not really elaborate on why your friend should visit Vietnam based on those places. There was no enticing spot for Pat to come visit you. There is no sense of friendship or reconnecting that you hope to accomplish with your friend by having the person come spend the holiday with you, looking at sites and enjoying your bonding time.  
  
The letter itself meets all the requirements, but could have been presented in a better, more enticing manner that could have improved the overall score by increasing the TA score during the review process.
## **SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT THE NEWS MEDIA NOWADAYS HAVE INFLUENCED PEOPLE'S LIVES IN NEGATIVE WAYS.**

  
*TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?*  
  
It is undeniable that the news media has significant influence on the daily lives of human these days. While I accept that this seems a negative development, I personally believe that the benefits of the news media far outweighed its drawbacks.  
  
On the one hand, the news media would have an adverse effect on society. Firstly, in order to attract a large number of readers and gain more profit, the gutter press is likely to sensationalise stories which could mislead the public's opinion and distort readers' perception of reality. For instance, statistics and information of Corona virus without censorship these days, which is spread instantly in the internet, would instill a sense of fear in society and cause mistaken treatment. In addition, famous people are also the victim of invading their privacy by the paparazzi who are determined to get a story at any cost. As a result, celebrities who suffer from invasion of privacy tend to get depressed or even commit suicide.  
  
On the other hand, the influence of news media could create positive impact on general public. First of all, it would be news channels that keep people informed about what was going on in the world continuously. While reading broadsheets would get access to quality coverage of news and current affairs, being exposed to popular tabloids would widen human's mind about lively and colorful stories. What is more, the news media including good news could inspire followers with an optimistic life. For example, with people have been opposed to news of the disadvantaged in developing countries, it would instill a sense of satisfaction and respect of their life.  
  
In conclusion, it seems to me that the news media has positive effect on people's lives and it should be supported to grow orientedly.
Remember that people are divided on the issue of "fake news" these days. So you cannot say that something is an undeniable influence. There will be people who will disagree with you or deny such a claim. Avoid exaggerations in your restatements. Just stick to the information provided so that you do not accidentally over-do your presentation. Additionally, you should review the original discussion instructions when you finish drafting your essay. Never assume that you properly discussed the presentation without double checking the original source. As you can see, in your presentation, you changed the discussion slant of the presentation, thus creating a totally different prompt discussion, which would have led to your failing this test because your response is not related to the given question.  
  
Please take note of the following:  
  
*OT: SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT THE NEWS MEDIA NOWADAYS HAVE INFLUENCED PEOPLE'S LIVES IN NEGATIVE WAYS  
YT: It is undeniable that the news media has significant influence on the daily lives of human these days.*  
  
- Where is the negative influence statement?  
  
*DI: TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?  
R: While I accept that this seems a negative development, I personally believe that the benefits of the news media far outweighed its drawbacks.*  
  
- There is no given response to the question provided.  
  
You changed the original prompt from beginning to end. You turned this into a benefit and drawback discussion when the actual discussion point is based on your agreement or disagreement with the discussion topic. These errors will lead to a failed TA score. Which means you may not get a passing score for this essay when the other GRA, C&C, or LR errors are deducted from the remaining scoring considerations. It does not look good for your final, overall score.
***Artists need a certain amount of freedom to develop their creativity. Some people think that artist should have total freedom to express any thoughts and ideas.***  
  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
It is often argued that in order to develop creativity of artists, an unlimited amount of freedom is a need. Some people believe that artists should be allowed to convey any concepts completely freely. From my perspective I totally disagree with this point of view and tend to support the idea that content in art should be controlled by government for the following reasons.  
  
Firstly, artists' expression of art should be limited to protect young people from harmful content. For instance, without necessary regulation, pornography can be accessed easily by minors. It would stimulate them engage in sexual activities when they are underage. In addition, violent content should be under control in art as well otherwise children might see it even when they do not have intention and this impacts negatively to their mental health. Moreover, the young might learn and mimic violence from art. This leads to a number of violent actions in school which is regarded as a serious problem.  
  
Another point government should limit the ideas of art is to prevent political conflicts in society. Perhaps the best example is that content relating to religion or race topics usually create arguments. In some cases, it might end up by murder and violence or an increase in racist behaviors. In addition, some bad group of people might take advantage from art to against government with bad purposes such as terrorism, reactionary attitude, etc.  
  
In conclusion, although government should encourage artists to develop their creativity, limiting the thoughts and ideas should be necessarily applied to not only protect the young but also keep the society stable.
Avoid making claims that are not supported by the original prompt. You are claiming that the topic is "often argued" but in reality, there was no reference to that in the essay. There is a world of difference between "often argued" and "some people think". The former contains a tone of anger while the latter has a discussion tone. The discussion tone is what should have been reflected in the prompt restatement. There is no need to refer to "my perspective" because you are already personally disagreeing with the given statement. Good job on referring to your response to the question. It was on point.  
  
Do not use numerical ordinals at the start if you are not going to use it successively within the presentation. Just use topic sentences. Those will help you get a better score than the count or connecting reference phrases. Try to limit your reasons per paragraph. You should make sure that you always use 2 connected ideas in the presentation so that you can fully develop the discussion presentation. The main flaw of your presentations are the under developed paragraphs due to the lacking explanations to support the numerous reasons you present per paragraph.
## you can shake the world

  
  
Introverts are people who like spending time alone rather than being social. You can recognize them through several of these signs. First of all, they have a tendency to listen and think deeply. In a discussion or debate, they usually hear what people say, try to analyze the information they get, evaluate it, and compare it to theirs. They do that to make sure they thoroughly understand what is going on and merely control it, which takes things slowly sometimes. Secondly, they really enjoy being alone, or with their few close friends. Someone might think that introverts are distant and hard to talk to and they are just abnormal and awkward, but it's not true. Introverts lose energy in over-stimulated situations, so they will need to recharge after a long harsh conversation. While extroverts are welcome because of their out-going and dynamic, introverts seem to be left-off. A really common misconception is that these people are antisocial, that they cannot be in charge of difficult tasks. Actually, when it comes to a problem, introverts are likely to be the best leader. They settle the chaos and make their words matter. In sum, introverts have a deep quiet strength which is not easy to see. As Gandhi said "In a gentle way, you can shake the world"
Your quote from Ghandi does not fit in with the previous discussion presentations. It appears that the statement doesn't really need that quote to close it because you already presented an acceptable discussion regarding the concept of an introvert. While you properly developed that discussion with a thorough explanation, you failed to properly develop the extrovert discussion. That discussion, should have been presented as a separate paragraph. By developing that discussion separately, you would have been able to better explain the comparison points between an introvert and an extrovert. The statement itself is alright, but, if you implement my suggested improvements, the statement can be even better.  
  
The quote from Ghandi doesn't work because you did not explain what the connection of shaking the world is with being an introvert. How does that statement contradict the idea behind an extrovert? What is the connection of the quote with the actual discussion? You have to develop that quote in line with one character or both should you wish to retain it in the presentation. You need to make sure the quote will make sense to the reader and properly apply itself to one or both character traits.