dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## IELTS WRITING TASK 2: HARD WORK

  
  
It is undeniable that at school and work, there are people who are more hard-working and industrious than others. The reasons for their great work ethic may vary, and hard work has a downside, but generally, I believe that diligence is vital to one's success.  
  
It seems that hard-working is believed to be a virtue that contributes greatly to a person's well-being. Hard work usually guarantees positive outcomes. It appears that one's hard work will be paid off in the end. If a person is determined to learn to cook, they will soon be rewarded with delicious hand-made dishes. The same mindset applies to employment: employees earn high salaries by working hard with maximum efficiency to generate the best possible results. Additionally, people who put great efforts in their work can take pride in themselves for always trying their best and making the most out of their lives.  
  
Despite having numerous benefits, industriousness has its limits. It is believed that merely working hard isn't enough for success since working smart is equally important. Aside from endurance and commitment, some work also requires the ability to make smart choices and find the best solution for a problem with the minimum time needed. Instead of planning carefully to use their working time efficiently, some employees overwork, which leads to disastrous consequences for their health, both mentally and physically. Overworking people work themselves to death just to damage their productivity and experience serious health problems like insomnia and depression.  
  
In conclusion, although overworking may shorten a person's lifespan, in my opinion, a positive work ethic, in general, is the cornerstone of achievement.
Hi everyone, my name is Tias Subiasti, and I am IELTS student. I need feedback for my writing specially on my grammatical range and accuracy, lexical resources, task respond, coherent and cohesion.  
  
***## Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses.

  
Is it right to exclude males or females from certain profession because of their gender?***  
  
Usually people make differentiation on skills and ability between women and men. It is disagree that it is incorrect to include gender in several jobs. This essay will discuss about double standard within female and male that leading to discrimination, secondly discuss about how double standard inhibit people to do something that they want.  
  
Double standard between male and female it happened since a long time, it is because of some of people in our community think that women lack of strength in some particular jobs and vice versa with men, and also there is some behavior that lead into discrimination such as if men who doing it, it will be OK, but if women who doing it, it will be something unusual or embarrassing, and vice versa. For example in some countries if men become driver is something usual but if woman become a driver it something unusual. Also with men, in the previous time mostly people who do make up is women but and if men who do make up is something unusual and embarrassing.  
  
The issue about double standard also has leading to some inhibition for some people, one of them is about when man do make up or expert on make-up many people think that the men doing something embarrassing and it lead the men to feel not confident and then inhibit his passion that he loves. It also happened with woman. But nowadays people become more open minded and some of people be aware about this issue.  
  
In conclusion, female and male usually differentiate in several jobs because some people think there is strength and weakness between men and women, and a lot of people still dealing with this issue. Double standard issue leading to some problem such as discrimination and inhibit people self-development.
Tias, your essay will be considered in deviation of the prompt requirements because you created a new discussion point different from the original. Look at it this way:  
  
*Original Prompt Topic: Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses.  
Original Discussion Prompt: Is it right to exclude males or females from certain profession because of their gender?*  
  
You changed the above to:  
*Your Prompt Topic: It is disagree that it is incorrect to include gender in several jobs  
Your Discussion Prompt: This essay will discuss about double standard within female and male that leading to discrimination, secondly discuss about how double standard inhibit people to do something that they want.*  
  
*Correct Prompt Paraphrase: Men and women are often seen to have different abilities when it comes to the workplace. These could be physical or mental differences which lead to the person not being hired for the job. I believe that it is wrong to not hire people based on perceived weaknesses of a specific gender and hiring a person based on the understanding of a particular gender's strengths.*  
  
The essay is not about gender discrimination, but it is about the double standard in hiring men and women. Therefore, your essay only partially responds to the prompt requirements because you added a discussion topic "gender discrimination" which was not part of the original presentation. The original presentation was only about the strengths and weaknesses of each gender, there was no indication that the person was not being hired just because one is a man or woman. Rather, the prompt indicates that the person is not being hired due to the perceived weaknesses of each specific gender. The discussion is asking if you agree that a person should not be hired because of gender, based on the given reasons in the prompt. It has nothing to do with gender discrimination based solely on double standards. Therefore your response does not correctly discuss the given discussion points.  
  
Your reasoning paragraphs do not focus on strengths and weaknesses but on whether one gender wears make-up or not, or the embarrassment of being considered for a job that is normally for men. You did not focus on the mental and physical strengths and weaknesses that the essay was referring to. This led to a different discussion that was based on gender discrimination using non-prompt related topics instead. When writing a Task 2 essay, your discussion must not use information not included in the original prompt otherwise you risk getting a failing score in the TA section, which means your essay may not get a chance at a passing score after all other errors in your writing are considered.
Hi, my name is Dini Maulana, and i'm IELTS Student  
I need feedback in term of task achievement, coherence and cohesion, lexical resource, grammatical range and accuracy  
  
## excluding males or females from certain work

  
  
**Women and Men are Commonly seen as having different strengths and weakness. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender?**  
  
Traditionally, it is evident that the gender discrimination is the primary issue in the vast of majority occupations inasmuch as men an women have different ability. Despite this, I would like argue in this essay that it is wrong to refrain a certain gender from particular jobs. Gender equality and common believe that success not depend on the gender are the two main reason of this problem.  
  
Tome people make present traditional arguments regarding to the suitability of former post and some others of the latter, but in today's world modern era teaches them otherwise. every person has their own right to decide their life pattern. Male and female have equal chance to achieve their full potential, for the economy to utilize their skill and productivity at the workforce and for society to increase social cohesion. According to BusinessWorld, an equal opportunity for Filipino women in the workplace in society could translate into a 7% increase in the country's economic growth approximately $40 billion a year by 2025 since the government declared their new regulation about gender equality in 2017.  
  
In addition, never does gender affect a person's success because some individuals believe that a great effort is the main reason to lead human become successful persons. Therefore,there is no prohibition for women to improve their own capability in particular professions as long as they able to tackle it properly and responsible for what they have been selected. for instance, a 2014 recent report from Sport Ministry of Indonesia revealed that the number of women athletes boxing of Indonesia climbed up significantly since Asian Games event happened in 2016. This is because they have a tendency to think that every single people has the same proportion to develop their skill.  
  
To sum up, it is not right to exclude males and females in certain work field because there are more advantages to allow both genders to have the freedom of their job preference. if people want to reach their goals they must work hard since big effort is the crucial aspect to be a successful person, not gender.
Dini, let's start with the grammatical problems in your essay. You have made a grammatical error regarding word usage in the following sentence:  
  
as men**an**women have different **ability**  
- you were making a comparison of two genders therefore it is not "an" but "and". In addition, "ability" is singular but since you are discussing two genders, the plural form "abilities" should be used.  
  
- I would like argue  
- would like TO argue  
- There should be a change in the plain verb form  
  
There are also clarity problems in the essay which relate to your word choice usage. Since those problems are only presentational in effect, I have opted not to point those out in the essay. The word usage does not change the meaning of the sentence or paragraph anyway.  
  
Your prompt paraphrase is confusing in presentation and does not accurately depict a retelling of the original discussion and its direct response requirements. This should have been written as:  
  
*Males and females are often seen as having a specific skillset that one excels in over the other. That is why some professions, such as those that rely on physical strength and dexterity, tend to exclude either the man or woman from the performance of work tasks. In my opinion, excluding either gender based on a gender abilities cannot be considered right.*  
  
You need to be careful when you write words and make sure to review your essay before submitting. A "Tome" is a a book, especially a large, heavy, scholarly one. While "To me" is a direct reference to the writer. It is the latter that you wish to depict in your writing.  
  
You have included research information in this essay. It is not possible to complete internet based research during the actual test since this a pen and paper exam. There will not be any reference materials available and even if there were, 40 minutes to complete the writing will prevent you from doing research. Again, use only personal knowledge and experience for any and all discussions. It is not about the accuracy of the information but the ability to write in English that is being scored in this essay. Keep your sentence short as you have a tendency to create multiple run-on sentences in one paragraph.
hello !!  
My name is agro, nice to meet you in this great forum.  
I am a student of IELTS Course.  
I need some feedbacks about Task Response, Grammatical Range & Accuracy, Coherence & Cohesion as well as Lexical Resource.  
  
## losing some species of animals due to human activities

  
  
**The animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land and in sea.  
  
What are the reasons and solutions ?**  
  
People activities in sea as well as on land drive to the damaging environment and finally cause the losing of animal species. This is inasmuch as industrialization of all sectors in human life producing a dangerous waste to environment. Secondly, the development of human living space does not consider the environmental issues. To deal with the problem, the industrialization in all sector should be decreased as a way to reduce waste and then the new space for human should be provided by considering environmental condition.  
  
Industrialization is a part of people life style in the recent centuries. For example, a long time ago farming industries were being done by environmental friendly based technology which is safe for any species in the rice field areas. But nowadays, mechanization of any sectors including farming lead to the waste production which is often dangerous for around. Population of some animals such as frogs or lizards is going to decrease since the using of pesticide and inorganic fertilizer as well. Secondly, the land conversion to be human building keep pace with the soaring of human need in housing. This intention should not be a problem as long as the mechanism of creating new spaces does not damage animal habitats instead of doing reclamation or deforesting.  
  
To overcome the problem, the speed of industrialization in any major should be reduced especially for those creating a poison waste. Inorganic fertilizer or pesticides industries for example, they should do re-thinking in their way of production to avoid the bad effect. Secondly, before opening some areas for human living, zonation area should be conducted to identify whether some area could be a housing or not. For example, the less productive land such as wilderness which could not be planted will be the best place for housing instead of an area near forest or beach.  
  
To sum up, losing some species of animals due to human activities around the globe is clearly caused by industrialization in all parts which automatically produce a sort of dangerous waste. In addition, housing project is often being done by ignoring environmental issues. And the most attractive solutions are decreasing the industrial growing as well as doing mapping for knowing the categorization of land use.
Agro, you definitely have a problem when it comes to sentence structure, grammar, and vocabulary. However, these weaknesses do not detract from the understanding of your presentation. Through your imperfect English sentences, you have still managed to write an understandable paragraph that has a clear topic, supporting ideas, and examples (when possible). However, you have a tendency to use two topics in one paragraph which often leads to the under developed second topic explanation. Try to develop only one topic per paragraph for clarity and cohesiveness purposes. Leave the next topic for the next paragraph. That is easy to do since you have a total of 5 reasoning paragraphs allowable in each essay. You also need more consistency in your presentation. Do not use counting words in the middle of the essay or the paragraph if you did not start the paragraph by using such a reference. It creates confusion with the reader who has to then go back to the start of the paragraph to try to find out if they missed something in the presentation because of the sudden change in presentation format. Don't worry though, you properly accomplished the task requirements, including a relevant concluding summary.  
  
While you have written the appropriate number of paragraphs and sentences per presentation, you have written too many words. Try to stay within the ideal word count of 250-300 words with 275 being the ideal presentation number because writing more than that deprives you of the opportunity to work on further improving your sentence and paragraph presentations, revising the essay for clarity purposes, and editing the content to be better understood by the reader.  
  
Since this is your first essay with us, I am not going to score your work as of now. Only major observations of your problem points are necessary so that you can develop those parts in your next practice essay presentation. If I see enough improvement to warrant a scoring system, I will let you know exactly how and why you will be receiving such scores in that practice test.
I am hoping for the feedback of following writing. It was my first attempt in writing for IELTS. So, hoping for the honest feedback.  
  
**Many people are treating pets as their own family member. What are the problems and their solutions?**  
  
## getting too emotionally attached with pets

  
  
Parents in numerous families consider domestic animals, as their own children. This essay will discuss about the fundamental issue associated with such ubiquitous way of behaving pets as family and suggest its relevant solution.  
  
People definitely will have atrocious psychological effect after the loss of their loved ones. In a similar way, people with great attachment toward their pets are expected to have same effect. People often keep pets for the good companionship and eventually, end up being too emotionally attached with them. The lifespan of most common pets, particularly of dogs and cats, is considerably less than that of humans. It is therefore, most likely that people will face the loss of their pet in their lifespan. As a result, people tend to suffer from different mental illness and even lack acumen in doing general work. For instance, many psychologists are having regular patients frequently suffering mentally from the death of their pets.  
  
The principal solution to this harmful problem may be keeping more than one pet at a time or preferably of different genders of same breed. This not only can have opportunity of having young ones if different sexes were allowed to mate but also help people to cope with the situation when one of the pets sadly dies. People, these days, are practicing of having 3 or 4 pets, mostly of different breeds or species to have better security of fellowship.  
  
Therefore, getting too emotionally attached with pets is the main problem of treating them as family, which can be solved by having more pets than having only one pet. Hence, it is somewhat innocuous solution to the problem which otherwise can have violent effect on one's psychological state..
I thinks this essay is good and well-written and organized. He has wide range of vocabularies with no misuse of words. The grammers are good but such little mistakes that can affect the score. I will illustrate them in the following:  
  
"This essay will discuss about the fundamental issue associated with such ubiquitous way of " way must be ways To match the format of its nominal group, this noun should be in the plural form.  
  
"can have violent effect on one's psychological state.. " the sentence should not end with double periods, just one.  
"are practicing of having 3 or 4 pets, " It is highly recommended that the number 3 and numbers under 10 should be spelled out.  
  
All in all, this is a good essay and you will get may be between 7-8. I am not proficient but theis scores are approximately may be totally wrong or right.
I'm not a native speaker but I hope my advice can be useful for you.  
  
About the structure of the first main paragraph, I suggest you put a topic sentence first before trying to explain your point because it will your paragraph flows better. You can write something like "One of the most serious problems is that people get too emotionally attached to their pets". Aside from that, I think you've done a good job explaining and giving examples.  
  
I also think that some of your short sentences can combine to make a longer sentence.  
  
You need to learn to use your words accurately too. Some of the words are misused, and some don't go together, so it's a little confusing for me. Let me take some examples from your essay:  
  
"Parents in numerous families ..."  
You should use "People" instead of "parents" because a person can only become a parent if they have offspring. Some people who treat pets as children don't have real children, and the fact that their pets are seen as children to them doesn't mean that they become the "parents" of their pets.  
  
Also, you don't need a comma before "as".  
..., particularly ~~of~~ dogs and ... ~~less than~~ shorter that of humans"  
  
Although your essay is well-structured, it has many small grammatical and lexical mistakes that make it hard to read, but I think for your first essay, this is quite good.
Hi Herdi.  
Try to keep your discussions within the 3-5 sentences per paragraph format especially in paragraph 2 and paragraph 3. In IELTS exam, you just have 40 minutes for writing task 2 and it is possible to write up to 500 words like this essay. I'm not expert in IELTS, but I have an IELTS exam last year so I hope my feedback can be useful for you. Goodluck!
Herdi, contrary to the advice given to you above, it is not possible to write 500 words during this 40 minute essay writing task because of the requirements of the essay. You must be able to read, understand, brainstorm, draft, review, revise, edit, and finalize the content of the essay, in English, within 40 minutes. On the contrary, the longest essay that you can write, being an ESL speaker will be between 275-300 words. That is a guaranteed word range based on the requirements of the essay. The next time you write a practice essay, use a timer, that will be the best way to assume how many words you might be able to write given a particular topic during the actual test. Remember, you have editing consideration to allot time for as well so don't use up all 40 minutes just drafting the essay.  
  
Now, it is fairly obvious to the reader that you have done extensive research, most likely internet based research for this essay. That is why it is highly technical in discussion and offers highly researched discussion points. Kindly remember that you are taking a pen and paper test at the center. That means you will not have access to internet sources during the test. Therefore, you will only be able to use what little or extensive knowledge you have, based on personal knowledge and experience to write the essay. That is another reason why you will be unable to write 500 words during the actual test.  
  
The advice given to you regarding the 3-5 sentence minimum and maximum requirement is correct though so you should keep that in mind when writing your paragraphs. Now, it will be better for me to not consider this essay as your first practice test. The first essay is always the one that I base my advice for correction upon. While your essay is clearly presented in terms of reasoning, it requires a shortening of discussion. Therefore, for your next practice test, try to make yourself understood in English within the required sentence allotment. I will begin a more in-depth analysis of your next essay because I hope to see you present a more properly formatted essay at that point.  
  
By the way, since this is a direct question essay, please begin the statement by rephrasing the prompt for discussion and then offering 2 more sentences that directly respond to the questions provided. These 2 responses will be the topic sentences for your reasoning paragraphs. The opening paragraph basically serves to help you outline the discussion presentation every time so take the time to properly understand the discussion instructions then address it properly in the first paragraph. It will make it easier for you to write the reasoning paragraphs because you have already outlined and mapped your discussion topics beforehand.