dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***Many people nowadays don't feel safe either when they are at home or go out.***  
## What are the reasons? What can we do to solve this problem?

  
  
In line with the development of society, more concerns related to indoor and outdoor security bother people. This essay will analyze the causes behind and address the solutions also.  
  
In light of modernization, technology and intense office schedule are inevitable on a daily basis. These first can be seen in several problems related to online platforms as more sophisticated frauds now are ubiquitous thanks to the digital advancement. Cyber criminals may take advantage of insecurity of personal information to jeopardize the victim's properties. Moreover, the industrial revolution has led to the hectic schedule in office, which requires workers to prompt for their job more frequently. If employees take traffic jams for granted as they are put under pressure to hurry, they may encounter unexpected accidents on the road which do harms to their physical health.  
  
Thus there need to be some remedies implemented to tackle these issues such as laws introduced by the governments. As the laws can inhibit illegal tricks on social media and penalize those in charge to set an examples for the others not to commit it again. Furthermore, these laws will be the alert to citizens to perceive this hazardous kind of criminal and avoid it. Additionally, the authority can utilize these policies to regulate the workflow and reduce the burden in terms of time on workers to enable them to comfortably prepare for work and reduce the traffic incidences as a consequence .  
  
In conclusion, to my knowledge, such great developments in countries are the factors behind the feelings of insecurity of many people. Hopefully, aforementioned solutions can contribute to solving these issues and can calm people down.
There are specific discussion net up being asked. Why did you not offer the quick topis responses that would have helped to establish the discussion accuracy requirement? The task 2 essays always require direct responses or opinion statements in the first paragraph. You must never repeat the discussion requirements because those are non-scorable and are in fact, score lowering presentations . There are only 2 ways to address the Task 2 establishing discussions:  
  
- Restatement + opinion ( Agree or disagree question)  
- Restatement + direct responses (Direct questions)  
  
online platforms as more sophisticated frauds  
This is where the actual response begins. Try to open with topic sentences per paragraph. Restate your question responses to indicate the paragraph topic. This shows more of your ability to keep the presentation in line with the questions provided.
## Essay about the benefits of team sports and individual sports - (IELTS WRITING TASK 2)

  
  
*Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.  
  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  
Write at least 250 words.*  
  
Some people attest that team sports have more positive impacts on public health, while others claim there are far more benefits in playing individual sports. Although team sports are bound to keep fit, I also agree that single sports also improve athleticism.  
  
On the one hand, dual sports indeed develop teamwork, which plays an indispensable part in the working environment. When cooperating with other teammates, people are more likely to deal with conflict circumstances so it teaches them problem-solving skills and reasoning skills. On top of that, a strong bond between partners is required to win the game, therefore, it is crucial to comprehend your teammates, which might be the major criterion in doing group work. Secondly, these sports involve competitiveness in which each player has to put in a lot of hard work to assure a position in the team. This may push them to their limits and motivate everyone to try their best. For instance, football players tend to be more persistent and spirited since they are often trained in a competitive environment.  
  
On the other hand, there are also several pros when playing single sports. Since there is no external aid besides your efforts, these sports foster your individualism. According to a report in New York, athletes engaged in tennis and swimming are more self-contained since they spend hours on end training alone and focusing on themselves, hence, knowing their weaknesses and strength to improve. Moreover, these sports-type requires every body part to function, resulting in well-rounded players in this field such as Federer or Djokovic. This explains why badminton and tennis professionals are specialists in handling and running because these two sports not only forces players to master serving skill but also emphasizes the need in speed.  
  
In conclusion, it is believed that team sports are ranked first in keeping fit, while single sports supporters opine the opposite. I argue that these two categories are equally important for their paramount benefits to our health condition and daily life.
dual sports indeed develop teamwork  
Is this a personal opinion or a public perception? Where in the seperation of the discussion based on individual references? Avoid a general statement as this tends to remove the POV reference as needed in the presentation.  
  
competitive environment  
Where is your personal opinion? Are you aiming for the 4 or 5 paragraph response version? The essay is lacking in clarity at this point.  
  
According to a report in New York  
No researched information. Use only personal or public known data. Frame the sentences properly to avoid this score reducing error.  
  
I argue that t  
Should be the 3rd stand alone paragraph. The personal opinion must be fully developed. It must follow the writing manner of the first 2. The examiner will reject this opinion asa part of the concluding summary. This is a score reduction basis.
@gbach  
1. Yes, one time-giving opinion should be enough and it is ideally written in the opening.  
4. Yes, definitely.  
I cannot answer all of your questions, but I think the problems lie in your ideas and the way you organized your essay.  
  
"... I also agree that single sports also improve athleticism". It is obvious that all kinds of sports are bound to keep fit, but the discussion here is not about which sports are more athletic than the others. It is the comparison between the benefits of playing sports in TEAMS and INDIVIDUALS.  
  
In this particular essay, you should talk about both views (benefits of teamwork sports over individual sports and vice versa) and give your opinion based on the discussion (why you think these benefits are equally important).  
  
You could say that these sports are both important because the ultimate purpose of sports is to keep fit. However, in your body paragraphs, you must defense for your opinion and still discuss the superior benefits of each sport.  
  
From what I saw, your body paragraphs do not support your opinions as you do not mention anything about health-related benefits. Therefore, there is no evidence for this argument: "I argue that these two categories are equally important for their paramount benefits to our health condition and daily life."
## the number of interrogations directed to the Tourist Information Centre

  
  
The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011. (you can search the topic)  
  
The graph illustrates the number of interrogations directed to the Tourist Information Centre over a period of six months in 2011.  
  
In general, the first half of the period witnessed the dominance of telephone enquiry, while in person investigation was the most common method in the second half of the period. It is also noticeable that the most significant change belonged to face to face interrogation.  
  
From January to March, ranked first in the graph was telephone, whose number fluctuated between 900 and 1000 enquiries. In contrast, the figure for letter/email remained just under 800 and it was surpassed by in person method in early March.  
  
During the four remaining months of 2011, the number of face to face enquiries increased dramatically and took over the first rank which was held by telephone to reach the peak of approximately 1900. However, the figure for letter/email went on a downward trend until it reached a plateau at around 400 enquiries in May.
## the Importance of some school's subjects

  
  
Personally, I think physical education is an important subject that students should attend. Thus, it's preferable to stop art and music classes instead and that for two main reasons.  
  
First, students need to keep fit and healthy. Sports play an essential role in the learning journey of students inside schools. For example, it helps them to raise their attention span, clear their mind and aids them to reduce stress. Also, this subject needs a large space to practice it. that means that is not possible to do it at home and must go to special places for it like a stadium.  
  
what's more, art and music can be learned at home with the help of parents. for instance, they can draw, dance, listen to music, or even learn from the internet and apply what had learned. Furthermore, it can be integrated with other school subjects. such as English, history, or any other language. Art and music are always learned within other school classes. So, stopping this class will not have a bad impact on student progress.  
  
Thus, eliminating art and music will be the best choice since the students can still learn it from other materials. Then, they can keep attending sports subjects that they like to stay fit and have good health.
The writer failed to meet the 250 word requirement. This will automatically prevent the writer from achieving a passing score since there are applicable percentage deductions applied when the word count is not met. More missing words will result in more deductions. This essay only has 213 words. One can only imagine the amount of deductions that will be applied.  
  
Scores will still be applied to the remaining sections but, it will not be enough to overcome the deductions. Always check the word count. That is normally the reason students fail the test. Aim to write 5 sentences per paragraph to meet the word requirement.  
  
I believe the wordcount situation occured due to the incomplete restatement + opinion paragraph. Rephrase the original topic properly, include the reason for the discussion, then give your opinion. That is the 2nd big error in this presentation.
@deja  
In your opening, you say ''thus, its preferable to stop art, which is unrelatable to your former assumption:''I think physical education''  
  
''Help them to do'' => ''help them do sth''  
  
''Also, this subject ... it, which means that is not possible ...''  
  
Conclusion: you should focus more on your sentence structure, use more connectors such as which, who, where... and less simple sentences
**TOPIC:  
## The graph below shows the average number of UK commuters travelling each day by car, bus or train between 1970 and 2030**  
  
The line graph compares the daily travel of commuters using three different transportations during 1970 to 2030.  
  
It is clear that car had the highest number of people using and increased through the years. Furthermore, travelling by train observed a moderate growth while bus transportation witnessed a notable decline.  
  
In 1970, car travelling had the highest number at five million people while it was four million by bus and under three million by train. Over the following 30 years, the commuters ride by car and train gradually grew by around one million but the figure for riding by bus mildly fell.  
  
By 2030, workers travelling by car will increase to its peak at 9 million people and train is likely to markedly bounce to over four million passengers. In contrast, commuters travelling by bus are predicted to drop under three million people.
There will be a word percentage deduction applied to the preliminary score for presenting only 142 out of the mandatory 150 word minimum. Though not a large deduction, it may still be enough to prevent a passing consideration based on other errors present in the report. By ensuring that the presentation has 150 words at all times , the preliminary deductions can be avoided. Word count deductions often result in failing reports.  
  
The main reason why the writer failed to meet the word count is due to the brief writing style used. There is no accurate analysis of the image information beyond the I sentence ppresentation. Adding another sentence, creating the standard 3 sentence paragraph for the Task 1essay can solve the issue and result in a passing score.
## Fatherhood is important as motherhood. Discuss

  
  
Fatherhood and motherhood roles continue a controversial topic in the days and ages. In Western countries, child - rearing is accepted as a responsibility of both parents. Nevertherless, in the less developed countries, a father still holds more traditional role as a breadwinner. I will discuss the both sides  
  
Many people embrace the idea that taking care of children is the mother's mission. They think a mother should stay at home and look after children instead of going out and earning the living. In the contrary, the responsibility of a father is to make sure the household finance is sufficent, and spend time to rear children will interfere with his ability to financially support  
  
From my perspective, a child has been reared by both father and mother will develop fully physical and emotional sides. It is serious if you take fatherhood for granted. A father will raise the child up when he falls or play with his child as a peer. Futhermore, I strongly believe that a father can best teach their childen qualities such as courage, confidence and enthusiasm.
The essay automatically garners severe word count penalties for containing only 180 words when the minimum is 250. This indicates the nability of the examinee to carryon a lengthy academic conversation in written form. Perhaps this was caused by limited English vocabulary. Perhaps, he was unfamiliar with the standard 4 paragraph writing format (This only has 3 paragraphs). Whatever the reason, an effort to present an extended discussion in written form is necessary.  
  
I will discuss the both sides  
There are only 2 applicable prompts for this topic:  
- What is your opinion?  
- To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
  
The writer is not using either of the standard prompts. It appears that he either:  
- Misunderstood the prompt  
- Created his own prompt by accident  
  
Either reason will be enough to fail the test based on an inaccurate response. It can therefore be.said, that there are several major reasons this essay is not going to help the test-taker pass the test.
***With a growing world population, one of the most pressing issues is that of feeding such a large number of people. Some people think that GM foods offer a viable solution to this problem.***  
  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
Humankind plays an important part in the development of the world. The more we grow and reproduce the more issues our world must solve increase as well. One of the main problems is famine. Famine can cause a lot of harmfulness on the world status which included the world's economy or daily life or a human being, .... Etc. Some people tend to think that GM foods might be a solution to this situation. There is some research has  
  
been conducted which point out the pros and cons of consuming GM foods. By reading various research I agree that GM foods can solve famine. Two reasons for that is the use of pesticides in agriculture and GM technology produce more crop yield compared to the normal way.  
  
Firstly, GM foods don't need to use pesticides to increase the supply they pull out. Using pesticides is not strange at all in our farming routine. There is several articles indicate that the disadvantage of pesticide on human's health is more than the benefit they brought to the world. For example, pesticides consist of various chemicals considered to be harmful to the consumer's health which sometimes lead to cancer. GM foods are considered to be healthier than non-organic kind. Genetically Modified supplies are likely to produce equal or even higher crops than the usual agricultural ways.  
  
The solution for supplying a huge population is simply think as the more the population grows the consumption of supplies are increase too. To be able to do that the amount of foods has to be enlarged also. GM foods are the optimal method suitable for this. Not only GM foods are healthier than other products, but they can produce a lot more crops also. The whole world should agree that GM foods are the solution for the feeding issue by their benefits brought to us.  
  
In the end, we must all be using GM foods in our daily life. GM foods are healthier and acted as a solution to feeding a huge population as well.
The essay does not follow the 2 discussion parameters required. These writing criteria are:  
- To what extent do you agree or disagree  
- Discuss based on personal experience, knowledge, or public information  
  
The primary scoring consideration is based upon how well the exam taker understood the discussion question and, if he provided an appropriate opinion statement. While the student appears to have understood the topic, he did not:  
  
- Present an accurate restatement  
- Provide a response according to the stated discussion manner  
  
Failure to provide these have resulted in a non- passing presentation. Additional deductions will apply in the grammar structure section as the writer showed unfamiliarity with English writing rules by using 2 successive punctuation marks in a sentence:  
  
daily life or a human being, .... Etc.  
. Creating nonsensical writing and causing confusion for the reader. The appearance of the shorcut word " etc." is also further evidence of the writers little knowledge of academic writing rules.  
  
While there are other reasons this essay will not pass, these are the major failings that will cause it.
## Stats regarding video games players

  
  
The given graph illustrates the proportion of people in various age groups spending over 10 hours per week playing video games from 1984 to 2003.  
  
Overall, it is evident that the percentage of people playing video games more than 10 hours a week of all age groups all increased during the given period. Furthermore, the figure for the 15 to 24-years-old was by far the highest during the whole period.  
  
In 1984, the percentage of people in the 15-24 age group was highest, at approximately 20%, while the figures for 7-14-year-olds and 25-35-year-olds were considerably lower at roughly 13% and 8% respectively. Meanwhile, only 2% of people who were aged over 35 did this activity. Between 1996 and 2000, the proportion of 15-24-year-old people sharply fluctuated and reached the highest point of around 52%, while the figures for persons aged 7-14 and 25-34 changed slightly to just over 20%. Conversely, the trend of people aged 35+ went up steadily to just under 20%.  
  
In 2003, the proportion of persons who were 15-25 decreased slightly to approximately 50% and became the highest figure in the table, while there were significant increases to roughly 35% and 30% in the figures for people aged 7-14 and 25-34. Meanwhile, the figure for people aged 35 and over experienced a dramatic rise of around 25%.
An effective summary overview Uses at least 3 sentences. Each sentence contains one descriptive information presentation. These seperate sentences make it easier to follow the flow of information. It is scannable and easy to remember as opposed to the current run-on sentence. While the single sentence is complete. it is confusing in the sense that there is no subject center present. Which is why single sentence presentations are more score friendly.  
  
Furthermore, the figure ... during the whole period.  
This is nota trend. This is data presentation which should be in the report body. Actual data is not provided in the summary or trend. Only the first sentence is an actual trend.  
  
The rest of the reporting data appears acceptable. I cannot fully review the presentation without the image reference.
***The chart shows the percentage of women and men in one Asian country who passed when they took their driving test between 1980 and 2010.***  
## Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

  
  
The graph illustrates the proportion of males and females passing the driving test from 1980 to 2010.  
Overall, it can be seen that the driving test passed by women and men increased over the period. In addition, women passing this test higher than men on the given chart.  
  
Looking at the chart in more detail, it is evident that the driving test pass rate of women stood at about 48% in 1980 and then rose to just around 50% in 1990. This figure then continued to go up significantly to nearly 70% in the next ten years, which was the highest point on the given graph. Subsequently, the proportion of passing rate driving test of females went down to approximately 64% at the end of the period.  
  
Turning to the second data set, it is obvious that there was a dramatic increase in the percentage of men passing the driving test from about 28% in 1980 to around 38% in 1990. This figure then rose to just under 50% in 2000 and remain stable until the year 2010.  
  
*please give me the score in the IELTS test, my target is band 6.*  
  
*
In addition, women passing this test higher than men on the given chart.  
A trending statement indicates the major flow movement of the measurement. The reference above is the properly referenced trend of the bar chart. The first reference is not really a trend as if references both genders as equal in consideration.  
  
The graph illustrates  
Wrong image identification. The image is a bar chart, not a graph.A graph is composed of a fluctuating measurement line or series of lines. A bar graph uses fluctuating bars as seen above.  
  
The comparison report is uneven. Do not focus on only one gender, leaving the second barely reviewed. Aim to compare the images using a uniform criteria. Review the second part with the same representation considerations. If one has 3 sentences then, the other should too.