dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The writer must be concerned with the number of words that he uses to complete his discussion. He must remember that this is a mere opinion statement and not a comprehensive discussion. It should be completed within 250 to 300 words. Owing to the 40 minute time limit and the need to edit, proofread, and finalize the content of the essay, he should not be writing more than the aforementioned number of words.  
  
The overwriting can be prevented starting in the first paragraph by not altering the simple thought presentation of the original. His version includes superfluous discussion points that are not a part of the reference material. He is actually changing the discussion basis by adding personal thoughts and sentiments in the restatement portion. Not that he is not allowed to do this because he actually is allowed to that, just in the personal opinion presentation + reasoning topics. By merely changing the position of the sentiments, the writer goes from score reducing (due to irrelevant information) to score increasing (based on opinion clarity via supporting reasons).  
  
When discussing the public opinions, the writer needs to work harder on making it clear that he is explaining the public reasons for supporting or not supporting the reasons provided. This is done by differentiating the reference point. The use of third party pronouns will actually be beneficial when doing this. It is important to separate the presentation views because the writing instruction clearly indicates that need. By not doing so, the writer does not follow the correct presentation format. The personal opinion, presented as a stand alone paragraph will benefit the most from the correct first person reference points as well. These will help create a comprehensive short discussion presentation.  
  
A discussion does not need to be very long. It just need to meet the writing requirements regarding opinion clarity, proper word usage, and grammar rules. When an essay becomes too wordy, the writer sacrifices these scoring considerations, opening himself up to more errors and being unable to correct them in the process. In truth, I could go on reviewing this essay deduction point by deduction point but that would be best addressed by a private consultation with me.
***Some people think that young people should be required to do unpaid work helping people in the community.***  
## Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages

  
  
Some people reckon that it should be mandatory for the youth to partake in voluntary works as a way to help fellow citizens. While this practice could present drawbacks relating to time management and teenagers 'exploitation, from my point of view, the overall impact is tremendously positive.  
  
On the one hand, that the young could derive substantial benefits from such works is in plain sight. First, volunteering may inspire in them a spirit of dedication and responsibility. As it is observed that the youth are intrinsically inclined to show scant concern for their surroundings, voluntary works could be a chance for them to dig deeper insight into lives of their fellow citizens, especially the underprivileged. With such activities as collecting trash under sizzling weather or delivering food, teenagers can grow into empathetic citizens who realize their accountability to the society. Furthermore, unpaid work could facilitate a safe and secured career. To be more specific, employers are apt to appreciate those taking part in voluntary work and contribute to the society since these candidates are considered to be equipped with requisite practical skills. Google, a large multinational firm, only recruit employees that have even-handed experience. Lacking this, candidate could fall behind by their competitors. As it shows, voluntary work could be beneficial.  
  
On the other hand, there might be some drawbacks that need mentioning. The main reason is their shortage of time. Undoubtedly, teenagers have to allocate much of their time on study, however, volunteering means they need set aside a considerable time for such works. This, in practice, is annoying for those in final grade who prepare for the entrance exam. Consequently, diminuting study time could culminate in their poor academic performance coupled with a bleak career prospect. Moreover, that the young could be taken advantage seems liable. This is because several organizations endeavor to promote their image through such voluntary activities. Thanh Cong, a Vietnam food company, used to ask young participants to distribute flyers to raise public health awareness, but they actually contained adverts for their products with an aim to proliferate their sales instead. Therefore, it presents several drawbacks when it comes to volunteering of teenagers.  
  
In conclusion, while the youth's partaking in voluntary work represents such downsides mentioned above, these are surpassed by such benefits as responsibility and career fulfilment. Hence, teenagers should spend time joining unpaid work.
The student has successfully failed to address all of the prompt requirements for the following reasons:  
  
1. He changed the discussion from a comparison of advantages v. disadvantages to a positive v. negative discussion ( a different prompt requirement)  
2. He spends too much time providing examples that confuse the discussion as these tend to stray from the original discussion and focus (employment has nothing to do with the discussion). He should be explaining his opinion instead based on only a single example, focusing in reasoning and logic after that presentation.  
  
3. He offers an opinion when he is only being asked to compare the two points of view.  
  
The writer does not understand the prompt requirement at all and can only receive scores for LR and GRA considerations. He will get a failing score.  
  
I have to be honest here and say that the student is not showing any improvement with his essay writing approach. Instead, he is getting worse in his presentations. He seems to be ignoring the advice that I have been giving him. It is difficult to give new advice when the writer has not corrected the previous problems and instead, added new errors to his newest presentation. Since there is no improvement to be found, I do not see how I can continue to help him going forward.
## literature at schools

  
  
Over the last few decades have seen dramatic ideas concerning the fact that literature including novels and poems do not need be taught at high schools as it is generally considered wasting students' time by many people. I completely disagree with this statement due to the reasons that is discussed in this essay.  
  
On the one hand, some people may consider the literature as a useless subject due to the fact that computer or science subjects are more likely to profit students in the future as well as the society. If they focus on their main field of study they could perform better at universities and get higher levels. As a result, they assume the literature as a mere subject when succeeding in their life and career.  
  
However, literature is always the best to assist people to gain linguistic skills, which is the priority requirement in work places. It is undeniable fact that most employees give more attention to candidate's social and communication skills, which is certainly shaped by studying literature.  
  
Furthermore, being familiar with the novels and poems would give the students an opportunity to broaden their horizons in terms of their cultures and traditions. In other words, students are supposed to taught about the history and unique cultural issues of their nation via novels and poems. For instance, the poem that boasts the native land describing its rare beauties and wonderful natives should probably make the reader love their country arousing their patriotic feelings. Therefore, literature is an essential subject and should never be taken away from the students.  
  
In conclusion, I would totally disagree with the people who support eliminating literature from high school,as it may bring more benefits to individuals.
The writer has over stated the original topic. It is no longer based on the simple original statement. This has caused a change in the discussion basis and in the process, a change in the topic slant. Point deductions based on inaccuracy will be applied. The beginnings of GRA scoring problems are also to be foundin the same paragraph with the use of a possessive apostrophe where none is needed. Do not use an apostrophe to create a plural word. That is incorrect grammar. Review apostrophe usage guidelines. The paragraph also needs to provide thesis foundations to give a clearer idea of the writers opinion basis. The prompt restatement + opinion paragraph is very problematic score-wise.  
  
Do not offer a contradicting opinion in the discussion paragraphs. The writer cannot oppose his own opinion because that will cause a task failure. It creates a confusing opinion presentation that invalidates his discussion response.
## investment in sport

  
  
It is true that there are many nations financing for sports industry these days. While there are various reasons why governments pay attention to this, it is a proper investment since it not only improves human mental and physical health but also boosts economic growth.  
  
The main reason for the government spending a lot of money investing in sports is to strengthen their country's image. Because of sports programs' fame, sponsoring such events is an effective way to attract the public attention. When matches are broadcast and advertised on various means of media, information about them including their sponsors may leave a strong impression on viewers. A survey showed that half of the world's population followed and watched World Cup 2018. It means that a 90-minute tie can make the country sponsoring more famous than ever.  
  
Overall, I think that sponsoring the sports industry has positive effects on many different fields. Specifically, it entertains people, encourages fitness, and stimulates the national economy. Nowadays, people are so busy that they tend to choose boring sedentary activities to relax in their free time. However, the development of sports programs can be an alternative solution for them to recharge their mental batteries. Also, being inspired by athletes' positive energy makes everyone more motivated to join fitness centers, which profits athletic businesses. A recent study has illustrated that after an athletics competition, many people realize the spirit of sports. Therefore, they decide to register for Marathon Race established by private organizations in their area. This phenomenon makes people healthier and happier as well as helps the economy wealthier.  
  
To sum up, governments sponsor a great deal of money for sports due to their fame and reputation. Because sports are advantageous to both human physical and spiritual well-being and the economy, investing in them is suitable and valuable.
The first paragraph unnecessarily comments on the reality of government investment in sports. A statement that is not necessary since it is not being asked as a question in the original presentation. Therefore, it creates an inaccuracy in the restatement. By not responding to the reason why the governments invests heavily in sports, but giving a reason for it as a reasoning basis for the support, the writer's opinion is incompletely presented. Both questions must be answered in short form in order for the writer's opinion to meet clarity requirements.  
  
Using an apostrophe to create an ownership word where it should be indicating a plural form instead will result in lower GRA scores since the writer clearly does not know when you apply punctuation mark usage in a sentence. In the "why" paragraph, the writer does not effectively explain how sports helps to increase the profile of a country. How does advertising and a tied score in the game result in a higher country profile? Why does that matter?  
  
Examples used in the paragraphs need more consistency. There is a problem with the cohesiveness of the presentation in the paragraphs because the writer is trying to convey too many ideas, but very little explanations as to how these are relevant to the topic being discussed. Focusing less on the ideas and more on the explanation development, using appropriate and clear examples would help address that problem.
## The diagram below shows the process for recycling plastic bottles

  
  
The process illustrates how plastic bottles are recycled.  
Overall, it can be seen that this is a step-by-step process that is comprised of nine stages, from collecting plastic bottles to producing end products.  
  
In the first stage, used bottles are thrown away and collected from recycling bins. After that, it is transported to a recycling centre by garbage trucks. This is followed by a hand-sorting process to different boxes, ones for those that meet the needs for standards that are required at the recycling centre. Subsequently, the selected bottles are compressed into blocks.  
  
The process continues with crushing that blocks into thousand of pieces, with these tiny pieces being washed. Having been washed clearly with water, they are sent to a machine that is produced plastic pellets. Before transforming into raw material, pellets are heated at moderate temperature. At the final steps of recycling plastic bottles, raw material is converted into end products which are clothes, pens,...
The writer should try to meet the sentence requirement for each paragraph. For an acceptable summary overview + trending statement, these sentences should be combined into a 3-5 sentence presentation. These should not be stand alone sentences since the combined sentence presentations are what create a comprehensive summary and understandable trend for the image presentation.  
  
The writer has taken too much liberty in shortening the diagram information. There are many ommitted keywords that should have been represented in the explanation paragraphs. Procedures and final results have also been incorrectly represented within the explanations. Incorrect punctuation marks are also present (a comma cannot be followed by ellipses). While the writer may have used a short presentation, he also sacrificed the clarity and accuracy of his report, the result of which may not be a passing score.
## broadband internet connections per 1000 people in 5 countries

  
  
The bar chat compares the number of high-speed continuous internet connection of households per 1000 people in 5 countries during the period 2001 to 2002, and the sheet presents the percentage change .  
  
South Korea attached the highest proportion of connections in 2001 (around 12%), with only 20 percentage change . USA reached 93 connections per 1000 people in 2001，second only to SK，have the percentage change 170%. In Germany, the proportion of connections saw a 80% rise from 0.34% to 0.5616% . The increase in Switzerland was even bigger(from 0.36% to 0.792%). In Brazil, the percentage of connections rose from 0.33 to 1.089, with highest percentage change(230%).  
  
On the whole, high speed continuous internet connections in Britain, Switzerland and Germany are still in a small scale in 2002, while it covered one-fourth of the population in America and one-eighth of the population in South Korea.
Since there are 2 images presented, there should be at least 4 sentences in the summary overview. 2 sentences for each image must be alloted in order to clearly and separately indicate:  
  
1. The image type  
2. What the image represents  
  
The same considerations apply to the trending statement. There needs to be 2 trending sentences at least that will allow the writer to properly represent the highs and lows ( if any) of the images. These need to be properly highlighted to make it easy for the reader to remember the data presented.  
  
There is a slight confusion presented in the summary since the image information was stated as a run-on sentence. The last part of the explanation being confusing to read since it does not properly and accurately explain what the image is all about and what it represents. Was it really a sheet presented or a chart? I think there is also a problem with image identification in that section.  
  
Since this is a 2 image presentation, the correct reporting analysis format is the 4 paragraph version of the presentation. That way the writer will manage to create proper references to:  
  
1. Summarized information + correct trending indicators  
2. Proper image 1 analysis  
3. Proper image 2 analysis  
4. Overlapping or additional comparative data analysis if found within the report.
**Task 2:  
*Some people think that international car-free days are an effective way of reducing air pollution, however, others think there are other ways.*  
## Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
*summary:  
Body 1: Quick discuss the cause of air pollution->conclude the benefits of car-free days->benefit in some aspects  
Body 2: Give 3 solutions: using alternative energy,monitoring plastic waste,using public transports*  
  
Many people think that international car-free days can curb the level of air pollution effectively. Meanwhile, others insist that there will be other proper ways. In my opinion, I side with the latter view.  
  
On the one hand, creating international car-free days can benefit the environment in some aspects. Today, one of the causes of air pollution is the emissions from transportation, namely CO2 and NO2. The working mechanism of a vehicle is burning fossil fuels such as coal,gas and oil to create energy to move, which also emits a huge amount of air pollutants and smog into the atmosphere. Therefore, having a day to not use any transportation can limit such a huge amount of exhaust fumes. However, it can only be beneficial for a short time. In other words, daily emissions can be about hundreds of times the reduction in these international car-free days, so it is not very effective as expected.  
  
On the other hand, I believe that there must be a lot of other ways to reduce air pollution. It is necessary for the authorities to encourage citizens to shift towards using alternative energy rather than relying on fossil fuels. Because fossil combustion is the main reason for the deterioration of air quality. In addition to this, the disposal of waste, especially plastic waste which emits toxic fumes when incinerating, should be regulated and monitored. The final solution can be the most effective way of reducing air pollution is to encourage people to use public transports in parallel with increasing the taxes on car ownership. Therefore, there are a lot of other ways to limit the level of air pollution besides international car-free days.  
  
In conclusion, in spite of the benefits that international car-free days brings to our environment, I still believe that there will be other ways to tackle this problem.
Thank you for outlining how you decided to approach the writing of the essay. I have to point out though that the method by which you decided to discuss the presentation does not meet the formatting requirements of the essay response. I am not sure if you are being tutored by someone else, in which case you should truly be having that person check your essay and not me because my teaching style is different, but my students use a different approach, one that is more centered towards correct scoring considerations.  
  
The main error the presentation is that you have taken a non-prompt responsive approach to the discussion. It appears that you have decided to create your own discussion focus, which will result in an automatic failing score. None of your discussion outline responds to the comparison discussion based on public reasoning and private opinion presentation requirements. The essay cannot be given a passing score when it does not discuss both views with an opinion comparison. The essay failed because it did not follow discussion requirements.
## People are having more and more sugar-based drinks.

  
***What are the reasons? What are the solutions?***  
  
Nowadays, the consumption of sweetened drinks is dramatically increasing in society, which caused many health issues like obesity or blood vessel disease. The following essay focuses on the main reasons for being up of sugar-based beverages and proposes a number of solutions to make improve this situation.  
  
In terms of the leading reason, many corporations in the food and beverage business invest millions to make their drinks appear on all social media platforms. They hire models and celebrities to promote their new or renowned items, which draw the attention of large crowds, particularly young people. For example, Black Pink represented the Pepsi brand in 2020, allowing their revenue to massively increase. Furthermore, these beverages actually include a lot of additives such as caffeine and colorants. These substances provide an instant energy boost and help people to focus on their work and study, although they are detrimental to human health. Consequently, people drink more sugar-based drinks.  
  
What is needed to combat this problem is definite action. The most apparent approach, in my opinion, is the government's attention to imposing higher taxes on the manufacture and distribution of sugary beverages. Prices would rise significantly, but consumer purchases would decrease. Another solution to this problem would be to reduce advertising about sugary beverages in the media. Alternatively, there are programs that should be broadcasted to raise customers' knowledge of the possible medical concerns of sweetened sodas.  
  
In conclusion, influential commercials and addictive chemicals caused an expansion in the use of soft drinks. It is essential for both individuals and governments to implement effective sugar-reduction strategies.
I reviewed the original prompt and discovered that there is no reference to obesity or blood vessel diseases. These are considered results of overconsumption but were never referenced in the original prompt. Neither does it respond to either of the questions being asked in the discussion instruction. Therefore, the first sentence of this prompt restatement is useless and will only result in an inaccurate interpretation of the original topic. Never include references that are not included in the original as it lessens the accuracy of the reworded statement. While establishing what the essay discussion will be about shows that the writer is capable of properly repeating the instructions, that does not meet the "clear opinion" representation since it does not offer direct responses to the questions provided. Questions that, when answered in the short form, allows the examiner to score the comprehension and quick reasoning skills of the writer in relation to TA requirements.  
  
While the discussion provided is good, seeing as it properly responded to both questions in separate paragraphs, it could have been better. By using individual paragraphs to state the reason for the problem and then, explaining how to solve the problem in the same paragraph, the writer will have the opportunity to present more reasons and solutions (at least 2 of each) that would help the examiner provide a higher scoring consideration for the C+C sections, both of which require a clear explanation and connected discussion format in the presentation. So the format would be more effective as:  
  
Sentence 1: Reason  
Sentence 2: Explanation  
Sentence 3: Example  
Sentence 4: Solution  
Sentence 5: Explanation  
  
By using the format above, the writer will allow himself the opportunity to create more cohesive discussion paragraphs of the advanced kind. It avoids the need to constantly try to keep the paragraphs connected when a separate reason and solution paragraph is created. It is simpler to write and easier to connect in terms of topic coverage.