dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
*Popular events like the football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. To what extent do you agree or disagree?*  
  
## great role of big sporting competitions

  
  
Some sports' advocates believe that popular events like World Cup is crucial means in conciliating conflicts between nations and liberating patriotic pride. I disagree with this view and believe that the role of these sporting occasions is overrated.  
  
Firstly, a single sport tournament could not help alleviate international prolonged disputes. The event, which is held periodically, can sure captivate civilians' attention and enable them to forget the grief they are suffering to join in a celebration of sorts, for a few seconds. However, the majority of the time they have to spend on dealing with serious wars' consequences . Solider and civilian causalities, violation of human rights, infrastructure destruction, crime, illiteracy among other mental health issues from the trauma of the wars would definitely take up a significant amount of time to recover and rebuild. From ancient to recent time, it is ambiguous that sports can bring people together and pave a path to peace. The Romans and Greeks would interrupt battle to participate in the games, but for a fixed time only. While the U.S. national team played Cuba for the first time was due more to FIFA requirements than any diplomatic efforts on the part of either country.  
  
Interestingly, there is a firm correlation between strong feelings of patriotism and the likelihood of war. In fact, people who are patriotic have a greater sense of belonging to a particular nation or what is so-called "national identity." The concept of placing their own country over another in terms of religious differences, political policies or economic envy can encourage violence against the neighboring countries. El Salvado beat Honduras in a World Cup qualifying match which later ignited longstanding elevating tension between the two countries into a brief war is a vivid example of a legacy of pain and pride between the two. The promising outlook that Irag can host its first national soccer team home game takes nothing for granted to the principles of sports which promote cultural plurality and togetherness. In contrast, a deep-rooted destructive relationship after the U.S. evasion of Irag would trigger a revenge massacre for the killing of approximately 500,000 Iraqis.  
  
In conclusion, sports' power to heal is stronger than hatred power to destroy has been mirages. The termination of war demands more than sole sporting diplomacy.
Hailung, it is my opinion that you have written an essay worth a score of 6 at the most. While your conviction and tone is very strongly represented in your work, there are still a number of problems that have prevented you from gaining a higher score. One of the problems is the presentation of your opening statement. You presented a 2 sentence overview when the requirement is for a minimum of 3 sentences. You could have presented the reasons separately in order to meet that requirement or, you could have expanded upon the prompt restatement in order to create a more engaging opening piece. The conclusion also suffers from a similar problem. There is also an issue with your lexical resource. Evasion means to avoid something while invasion, means an unwelcome intrusion into another domain. Bear in mind that you will lose points for misused words. So if you are not sure of the meaning, do not use it in the essay. The wrong word usage affects more than your lexical score, it also has a direct effect on your GRA. So your otherwise strong essay was weakened by the problematic language representation.
**Some educationalist argue that non-exam, art-based subjects such as music, drama, art and craft, should be compulsory in the secondary-school curriculum. They believe that activities such as these can improve overall academic performance.**  
  
## Art-Based Subjects and Student's Performance

  
  
Curriculum is the important aspect in educational system. Some educational experts believe that non-exam, art-based curriculum have to be applied in secondary schools because it can increase student's performance in the class. Others, however, believe that non-scientific subject such as music, drama, art, and craft only improve student's art skills. In this case, I strongly claim that art-based curriculum in secondary school is very useful in increasing student's useful skills and their academic performance.  
  
To begin with, the art-based subjects teach several vital skills for students such as confidence, team work and leadership. Firstly, art subject like singing, forces student to have good confidence. They must sing in front of others and show their voice. Secondly, taking drama as instance, pupils have to interact with each other to conduct a role well, so that it builds their social skill. After they involve in team work, their leadership skill is also gradually developed. So that, it is clear that pupil's skills are increased by art-based subject.  
  
Furthermore, the improving of their skills supports on their performance in learning. Art-based subject contain many activities which cover all student learning style; for example, Painting covers visual learning-style, kinesthetic style is covered by dancing, and singing can cover the student who is auditory. D' Potter, an educational expert launching his quantum teaching method in 2001, succeeded on improving student academic performance. His method developed by art method such as dancing before learning, using colour in remembering theory. Moreover, his experimented result showed that student motivation is improved by 80%.  
  
Taking everything into consideration, i totally agree that art-based subject more effectively in supporting student on getting optimal performance in school rather than scientific subject. Student predominant social skills will be improved and it is helpful for them in their future. In my view, teacher should apply learning method which cover student's learning style
@agus\_mono  
Hi! your grammar is serious problem that you should pay attention to. For example, in this essay do not use another tense beside present tense because what you are doing is discussing the Curriculum. Secondly, I think you should not bring some social barely evidence, because when you are taking the test maybe you do not know that and no exam is similar so try to find something that similar to life such as the result or something else.  
  
Thirdly, i do not see your conclusion i think in this kind of this essay you should have 1 paragraph for you oppinion and 1 for conclusion , it will help your score. Try to find some connection betewn for body and your overview. some words you should try to find
hi @agus\_mono  
I have read your whole essay and these are my suggestions.  
In your introduction, you also are able to introduce briefly regarding your the idea that you want to present as an illustration to readers.  
Your first body paragraph, avoid to put 'so' as the opener sentence.  
  
So that, it is clear that pupil's skills are increased by art-based subject.  
You can replace it using 'as a result' or 'thus' because such sentence is a concluding idea.  
The second body paragraph needs a closing statement to emphasize your idea that art-based subjects highly influence students' performance.  
Your conclusion  
  
performance in school rather than scientific subject.  
you never explained scientific subject or compared it to art-based subjects so that you may not say it. You are able to highly paraphrase your thesis statement plus main ideas of your essay.  
  
Keep writing~  
  
hope it helps you
Agus , this essay is good when you consider that you successfully represented the prompt requirements in your opening statement. You remembered to represent your opinion at the end of the statement, which created a thorough outline for the discussion of our essay. Make sure that you understand the terms that you are using in the essay in the correct manner. For example, when you refer to singing, that refers to music and not art. By referring to singing as an art, which is partially correct, you misrepresent the category that the talent belongs to. Another important thing that you have to take note of is that you should only use personal knowledge and experience in defending your stand. Never use researched information like you did now because during the actual test, you will not have access to a live internet connection. All computers will be LAN connected only. So if you rely on researched information during your practice tests, you will be lost and possible fail the test when you lose internet access. The score for this essay could be 5 because you did a very good job of discussing the topic and your opinion.
## changes noticed in Sorrel cottage between 1980 and 2002

  
  
The map shows the developments that occured at Sorrel Cottage during a 22 - year period from 1980 to 2002.  
It is clear from the maps that the most striking change that happened at the Sorrel Cottage was the enlarged size of the garden. Additionally, quite a few infrastructures were added to the poperty between 1989 and 2001.  
  
In 1980, the garden became bigger by the purchase of a plot of land which was situated to the south of the original garden and which is almost equal in size to the garden in 1980. Two years later, the garden was extended because of the acquisition of another plot of land on the eastern border, which effectively doubled the area of the original garden.  
  
From 1986 to 1988, there was a construction of a new house to the south of the Cottage and in the following year an orchard was planted in the northern part of the land acquired in 1985. The year 1990 saw two additions to the land: a pond in the original garden and a vegetable garden opposite to the orchard in the eastern plot of land. Two lines of trees appeared along the southern and the northern edge of the land acquired in 1996.  
  
Between 2000 and 2001, an open - air swimming pool was errected in the land purchase in 1983.  
  
*
**hi phuongphuong**, i have read your essay closely, i think you explain the alteration well but i found several mistake that you have to pay attention about. firstly, make sure your paragraph is consist at least three sentences because the last paragraph is only one sentence. secondly, all features that you wrote were not clear. if the common reader read your essay, they will be confuse the direction. because you described the feature inappropriately. it is better if you mention by taking the main figure and will be your anchor.
Phuong, your presentation lacks coherence and your sentences vary from hanging to run - on sentences. As a rule of thumb, all paragraphs needs to have at least 3 sentences each. So, train yourself to use a period in paragraphs. Go full stop. Do not pause by using a comma. Always stop totally before writing additional information in the essay. Your final sentence is even worse because it just hangs there. Not really belonging to a paragraph, nor actually giving additional important information.  
  
The reason that sentence was misplaced is because the year of the information being provided should have been included in the first part of the paragraph. Always give a chronological presentation of the data to the reader, specially when actual years are involved, such as in this case. It is never a good idea to just insert or add information at the end because it will be hard for you to then develop the sentence into a full paragraph.  
  
Don't say "two years later" when the information you are given actually provides the dates regarding when things happened. Use the complete year whenever possible because this shows that you actually assessed the diagram and have a clear understanding of what information must be presented in the essay because it is important and required in order to understand the development of the area in the diagram.  
  
All things considered, depending upon the more minute considerations an examiner might have for your essay, you could probably score somewhere between a 4 or 5 for this kind of work.
## Job Hopping

  
  
Nowadays, in the modern society, the definition of Job-Hopping is widely spreading among the youth generation. There is a fact that young people prefer job hopping to just sticking with only one job for a long time. It can put a positive and also negative impact on a carrer, depends a lot on the circumstances of every individual. In this essay, i am going to analyze both points of view.  
  
Firstly, it is undeniable that various jobs can bring young people a lot of different experiences which they are seeking and in need to get recognized. Working in diverse environments will make people become more active and more dynamic, even more versatile. Furthermore, it is a common thing that working in the same occupation for years will make you tedious and feeling is one of the most significant aspects that affect working productivity. This brand new thinking of job is just a sharp sword that helps young people to strive strongly towards their futures. However, any sharp swords always have two edges.  
  
Changing occupations frequently means that you can't gain much experience and expertise in your specific major, and also job security which is a thing that a steady job can get. Thus, every company may recognise the loyalty and professions of employees to consider the promotion. On the other hand, the one who often changes jobs may be seen as unreliable and can lost a lot of benefits that could be for the long-term employees. The most tremendous things that everyone desires is job security, whereas changing jobs always goes along with risks, staying in one jo can meet this demand.  
  
Each type of working style has its own pros and cons. The other's advantages is what the left-over lacks, it is all about the strategy that young people have to consider to make good and suitable decisions for their careers.
Tu, be careful of the way that you spell your words. You will get marked down for every word that is misspelled such as "carer" for "career' and "jo" for jobs. This carelessness in the way that you developed the essay will have an effect on your English familiarity and grammar accuracy scores. Two criteria that, when combined, could spell the passing or failing of your essay score. These are easily correctable errors that I hope to see you improve upon with your next essays. Now, I do not want to harp only on the negatives of your essay because you did do some things right. Those right things have to to do with the strength of your reasoning and logic. Though your grammar tends to be problematic, it does not take away from the fact that the essay contains an acceptable discussion and can still be easily understood despite the grammar setbacks. So, you did a good job just the same.
**Some educationalists argue thet non-exam arts-based subjects, such as music, drama, art and craft, should be compulsory in the secondary-school curriculum. They believe that activities such as these can improve overall academic performance.  
  
to what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## being an expert without learning Non-scientific subjects

  
  
Everyone has their own talent, either on art, sport, or the others. That's why many people say that to be an expert one, children should put more attention on practical subject based on their aptitude, because there beliefs that is non-sense to teach children with lack of artistic talent to involve in art classes at school. In my view, I tend to agree with this notion due to several strong reason.  
  
Children will be happier to repeat the subject which they are very likely than the the others. That's why, to make them focus on one skill in particular art, it should be connected with their aptitudes. Moreover, art is emotion which need deeply imagination to create an outstanding compotion. Because of that, to be an art expert, children skill should improve at the begining of their ages. So, they will learn to feel deeply more and more. Additionaly, only person with peacefull condition who has a big possibility to design a luxury product. So, it's clear that developing skill by the aptitudes becoming so essential.  
  
In the other hand, there also artist who have a good painting, but starting to learn art in school without an art aptitude before. This is because they have a big strong-willing to try and try. Unfortunately, there only a small portion of people in the world could be like this.  
  
To sum up, it is true that there is an expert artist today who start painting and drawing without aptitudes. It means that someone's tallent can be improve by the time. But, it will be better for focusing children based on their aptitude to build up a perfect art product due to the fact that they will have a big impression on it.
@Anhy chan  
  
I have read your essay, and I think your essay quite good because I have detection your essay which have some mistakes. You should pay attention with referring.  
  
there beliefs that is non-sense= I think it should be "their beliefs that is non-sense..."  
you should pay attention in comparison verb.  
Children will be happier to repeat..." = in this sentences, there is no comparison with happier.  
Additionaly, only person with peacefull condition who has a big possibility to design a luxury product = in this sentence I confuse to read this, what do you mean peaceful condition? Is it relation with person aptitude? You can explain more detail this sentence.
Sriwidayani, it seems to me that you discussed the wrong prompt requirement in this essay. Were you practicing by answering two different prompt simultaneously? That has happened here before with dire consequences. Such as in this instance. If this were an actual test, you would automatically gain a score of 3 due to the improper topic discussion. The question was whether you agree or disagree that non-exam art based subjects will help a student develop academically so it should be a compulsory class in secondary school. What you discussed instead was whether students should be made to take classes that he may not excel in. Which is a totally different prompt discussion. That is why you failed this practice test. It is clear that you did not understand the prompt instructions nor were you even conscious of what the topic for discussion was.
## technology gives as a comfort

  
  
Without doubt, that our life become more convenient is to depend on information technology. In some extent, I agree that the contribution of technology makes improve the quality of life. However, I also believe that technology brings us some dangers.  
  
On the one hand, technology have a positive influence on society. They make a contact with people become simple more than ever. Doing household chores doesn't make women, wives feel drained anymore because of the support of cutting - edge household appliances. Especially education, people apply new gadgets or create studying programs to make lessons more interesting, easier to remember and study. Thanks to them, students can acquire knowledge and use it in concrete situations.  
  
On the other hand, we cannot turn a deaf ear to potential problems. Firstly, because of the convenience of high technology, people have intention of being lazy, dependent on advanced tools and even isolated with outside. They may become inactive when they do their business, because they think that Internet can give them all information they need without having practical experiences. Besides, if people don't know how to use the state - of - the - art devices clearly, it will make a fire, destroy their assets or even lose their lives.  
  
In conclusion, the main function of technology is to provide human with comforts. Meanwhile, people must have enough knowledge to use and spend time reasonably on it. Only by doing so can we make a full positive of technology and alleviate its negatives.
Vy, you make some pretty valid discussion points in your essay. Just one point for correction though. In an academic testing essay such as this one, it is always best if you give a general description or discussion, without concentrating on a particular gender. That is because these days, the genders all experience the same problems regardless of whether technology exists or not because people in general, live in an almost uniform manner due to the existence of technology. So in instances when your information applies to all genders, be vague. Your score will be higher. In your conclusion, I do not approve of you adding information that you were not properly able to build up and explain further. It left me wondering what else you could have said to further convince me that your opinion on the topic is the right one to side with.
**IELTS WRITING TASK 1 : The three charts below show the changes in annual spending in Somelands**  
  
The pie charts compare the alteration of expenditure in local government of Someland over 30-year period. Overall, almost all features were dominated by higher education but the smallest proportion of fund had spent by other parts. The total amount of expenditure decreased dramatically from 1980 to 2000 by both K-12 education and other features while environmental service increase gradually.  
  
At the beginning of the 30-year period, the figures for higher education and K-12 education spent just over a half. By the end of 30 years, the former had risen by 5 percent while the latter had fallen dramatically. Moreover, the amount of expenditure had decreased steadily about one in twenty such as other parts while environmental services had risen gradually.  
  
A more detail looks at pie chart reveals that the number of transportation and number of human resources fluctuated. Between 1980 and 1990, the former decreased while the latter increased. Furthermore, from 1990 to 2000 the number of those outgoing to transportation had risen, while the number of those spending on human resource had sharply fallen.  
  
*
Restuan, please take note that you should only use the information provided to you within the pie charts and you are not at liberty to make up some information, or relate information that is not in the chart. There was no indication of the place "Someland" in the pie chart and instructions. So that term should not be used in your essay. The proper way to have written the overview would have been to say:  
  
*Three pie charts, covering 3 decades of expenses for an unknown town has been provided for analysis...*  
  
When there are factors that are missing from the chart that need to be mentioned, the test is trying to find out if you have the analytical skills to spot that missing data and, if you have the ability to properly represent the missing data in your essay in a proper manner.  
  
The language of your essay gets confusing at certain points. For example, I reread the part where you wrote:  
  
*Furthermore, from 1990 to 2000 the number of those outgoing to transportation had risen,*  
  
What do you mean by "outgoing to transportation"? That phrase does not make any sense to a native English speaker. These, plus additional grammar concerns led to a score of 4, in my opinion for this essay.