dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Social media has become **a** need **to** everyone in the world. People upload profile photo**s**~~in~~**to their** social media **profiles** and it ~~will~~**almost always** describe**s** their ~~personality~~**personalities**. There ~~are~~**has been** an attempt **made** to match the profile pictures **of** about 66,000 Twitter ...  
  
Preoţiuc-Pietro **(give more detail as to who this is)** and his colleagues ...  
~~It is done~~**They did this** to quickly categorize ...  
~~On the other hand,~~**Unfortunately,**~~from~~**of** the ~~group of~~ 66,000 **individuals analyzed** only 434 ~~which~~ completed ~~a~~**the** traditional psychological survey **offered**. extraversion, (...) personality traits ~~which~~**that were** scored by users. The research showed a correlation ~~relationship~~ between test results ...  
  
... the University of Cambridge **stated** that **the** analysis of the profile pictures ~~are~~**were** not enough ...  
... a person's personality by ~~combine~~**combining** the analysis (...) and **the**status**es** of social media users. **(ending statement about your position??)**
hai andi  
I have some advice for you  
hope it helps  
  
Social media has become ...  
social media becomes a necessity for people across the globe.  
  
People are upload profile photo in social media  
  
... personalities of thousands ~~of~~at Twitter users.  
  
... University of Maryland wants<<< incorrect with singular subject  
  
... pictures from other ~~platforms~~applications such as Facebook.  
  
... the profile pictures ~~are~~is not enough to ...  
  
... person's personality by ~~combine~~combining the analysis of ...  
  
**there so many analysis, you can paraphrase it into investigation, study, test**  
  
thanks
The government of Indonesia in collaborate with more than 30 companies from Norway and Denmark started to discuss regarding commercial business, specially in maritime sector. The idea of establishing cooperation with several companies in the other nations can become a brilliant idea to strengthen Indonesia' maritime powers. Susi Pudjiastuti, Maritime Affairs and Fisheries Minister, said that these countries were perfect to become partnership as they also taok maritime traditions into consideration such as a question of all integrated water transportation and fish farming business. Astonishingly, along with the development of maritime sector in Indonesia, Eric Hansen, an expert of Odense Maritime Technology, promised that he will make a contribution to share knowledge with Indonesian ship operators.  
  
thejakartapost
**The biggest Radar in the world ready to catch alien signals.**  
  
Recently, Science developed rapidly. As evidence, there is a big Radar created by China called FAST (Five hundred metre Aperture Spherical Telescope) the radar located in remote area around mountains of Guizhou, China. This area was protected by technology which was can block cell phone signal or wifi, because signals can be causing trouble on the Radar system. The radar build in early 1960S with size of dish 500 metres, and across is about 200 metres. The function of Radar claim that it can detect alien behaviour by dish and telescope can focuses in other object, while the mirror panels receiver can move in conjunction. They have moving flexible to find out object in the sky.  
  
Source: scientist
Hello Bambs, let me give my correction for you  
  
the radar located in the remote area around ... ( it need article "the")  
  
with the size of dish 500 metres, and across is about 200 metres ("size" need article "the")  
  
The function of Radar ~~claim~~claims that it can detect alien ("the function" is singular subject, so you must write singular verb too)  
  
telescope can ~~focuses~~ focus in other ~~object~~objects(because "other" indicate the plural form)  
  
They have moving flexible to find out the object in the sky ("object" need article "the")  
  
thank you
Recently, Science has developed rapidly.  
... Telescope), the radar located ...  
... by technology which ~~was can~~ can block cell phone signal or wifi~~,~~ because signals ...  
The radar ~~build~~ built in early 1960S with size of dish 500 metres~~,~~ and acrossis about 200 metres  
(in this case==> "and" become parallel structure, not to be conjunction) .  
... and telescope can focus~~es~~ in other object, while ...  
  
overall, it is good writing, but i think you should try to write longer than right now
Hi, these are my thought towards your summary  
  
Recently, Science has developed rapidly.  
... a big Radar , created by China, called FAST (...), and the radar located in the remote area ...  
  
... by technology which ~~was~~ can block cell- phone ~~signal~~ or wifi signal , because these signals can ...  
The radar ~~build~~was built in early 1960~~S~~s with size of **dish**(plate) 500 metres,...  
... by dish and telescope which can focuse~~s~~ in other object, ...  
They have ~~moving~~moved~~flexible~~flexibly to find out ...  
  
Thank You
***Some people think it is waste of money to establish library since the public can use the internet at home to obtain information. Do you agree or disagree?***  
  
## reading traditional books today

  
  
Developing technology lead people to utilise the internet to get the information and this reason bring about perception for several people that building new libraries is usefulness and just waste money. Personally, I disagree with this notion owing to the fact that spending much time to read some information on screen bring about worst impact for healthy eyes. Furthermore, not all part of this country, the internet can be used easily.  
  
First of all, developing knowledge by reading book directly gives more constructive effect than reading book on screen. The most important in this case is healthy eyes. Based on research in USA about 78% myopia suffers comes from the internet addiction, and just very little proportion that get this illness by reading book directly. Despite this, book lovers will say that if establishing libraries is usefulness, newspaper company should be closed too.  
  
On the other hand, the internet cannot be accessed by all of district in world wide in as much as signal cannot through all of areas. Syukron, researcher form Egypt, say that about 42% area in this universe that cannot be reached the signal. Another reason why is not the best information source is many worse information in the internet or can be called as invalid info form unknown blog.  
  
All in all, reading books directly give benefit effect for readers. It is reason why establishing library is not worse activities. Furthermore, the internet can not be access in all of part in the world and also not all information from the internet can be trusted.
Hi Miss Pramudia..  
I have read your essay closely and focused on your contents, not the grammar. Please, you review my notes because it can help you to reach the high score.  
  
Firstly, you successfully paraphrased the statement well because I can get the same meaning. However,for a thesis statement, you created it so much.  
  
Personally, I disagree with this notion ...  
I really agree if you explained your reasons why you disagree with the statement, but you can minimize your reasons and did not seem detailed. For example:  
  
*I firmly disagree with that state since reading on the screen can impact health and not all people can access the Internet.*  
  
The most important in this case is healthy eyes.  
Actually, you have answered the prompt given, but your flow should be improved better. You reread your sentence before you upload to check your flow so that readers do not pause when they review this.  
  
**Its reason is because using the screen to read can brings negative effect for eyes.**  
  
Another reason why is not the best information source is many worse ...  
*You should also mention this effect in the thesis statement so that you show your mind totally there. It can make readers think you include the new opinion.*  
  
All in all, reading books directly give benefit effect for readers.  
*keep in your mind the conclusion is the paraphrase of the thesis statement.*  
  
**Keep Writing  
GOOD LUCK**
Hi Pram! i will focus on your grammar, may it help  
  
this reason ~~bring~~**brings**~~about~~**the**perception for (...) new libraries is ~~usefulness~~**useful** and ~~just waste~~**wasting** money.  
  
... on screen bring about **the** worst impact ...  
*superlative must include article'the'*  
  
The most important *(....) missing noun* in this case ...  
  
Based on research in **the** USA about 78% (...) proportion that ~~get~~**gets** this illness by ...  
  
... if establishing libraries ~~is~~**are** usefulness, newspaper ...  
  
Syukron, researcher ~~form~~**from** Egypt, say that about ...  
  
It is **the** reason why ...  
  
... internet can not be ~~access~~**accessed** in all of part in ...  
  
subject verb agreement pram  
keep writing!
Developing technology lead people to utilise the internet to...  
this sentence contains several problems  
1. confusing sentence because without punctuation  
2. contains more than 2 verb in one sentence ( s + verb agreement) developing technology leads tu utillise/ to get/ after conjunction and i think that you explain the similar point before and after and.  
  
3. the sentence is too long.  
  
... spending much time to read some information on screen bring about worst ... (double verb again).  
  
advice.  
1. remember and pay attention about s+v agreement  
2. punctuation  
3. sentence form  
4. control grammar  
5. revise and learn again miss...  
  
good job!
***Adult youths are often called up for working for the development of communities. Do you think they should work voluntarily or should they get paid? Give your opinion***  
  
In society, young people frequently involve to work for that improvement. I totally agree that they should work voluntary than get some payment since communities sometimes do not have much money for disbursing temporary worker and obviously the benefit of work for communities come to the young adults such as experiences.  
  
Many communities have some missions or purposes for developing societies, and provide opportunity to young adults to help them. But, they usually have limited money because they are NGO (Non-government organization) or non-profit organization. So, young people who work for them should work freely. Take SIGi as an example of community in my city. That organization works for educating children and helping the poor. They make money through fund-raising that backed up by the young people members. So, it is not good for the members to pay since the event usually come from the deep heart or 'soul calling'.  
  
Moreover, people who work for non-profit organization usually called as volunteer, so they should not earn money since the organization do not make money and just help the societies. In my opinion, young adults get many benefits from working in that, such as experience and get closer to societies. As the research from Youth Connection Organization in Japan said, that 78% young people who involve in social communities get many benefits in life experiences and more easily to access the residents. As a result, many of them get scholarship from the social experience and more facile to conduct research and get some help from the people in some cases.  
  
To conclude, I firmly agree that young adults should become volunteer who do not earn money to work for improving communities since work for communities is 'soul calling' and the good effect brings good life for all people. Moreover, that community does not earn money and actually, youth adults gain many advantages from community work such as getting scholarship because of social experience and society's feedback. 315
... involve to work for ~~that~~**its** improvement. I totally agree that they should work ... .  
  
**In my perspective, this question is not about agree or disagree. The fact, you are asked about your opinion toward this question.. thus, it will be better if you use, in my view, personally, or in my perspective. If you make your essay like this, i feel odd when read the question then your introduction. It can make reader uninteresting to continue read your body and conclusion. So.. keep practice and Good luck!**
In society, young people frequently involve to ...  
Before you give the state of your tend, you should give full paraphrase, after that give your tend state.  
  
I totally agree that they should work voluntary than get ...  
i think it is too long sentence and i know that you will make compound complex sentence but i suggest do not too long without punctuation.  
  
But, they usually have ... So, young people who ...  
avoid use word but in the beginning sentence and in both sentences you can make in one sentence it much better than you divide in two sentences but in the beginning sentence you use word SO.
**WRITING TASK 2**  
  
Nowadays, most of media prefer to make news about famous people such as actors,singers, and sports player. They decide to choose them because more attract viewers and readers. On other hand, numerous people who have best achievement and involve in many activity are seldom to show, they prefer to show calebrity's life. Honestly, in my view news about popular people is essential, but show unknown poeple who has good achievement is better.  
  
In my opinion, calebrities became trending topics because their popularity, so media will show their life or relationship and it can cause media probably get more much money. Nevertheless, sometimes it can bad affect to audience particularly children. It can be happen, because media often make a bad news about scandals or cases which have calebrity, so when people even children see that will influence and follow that bad activity, it's very dangerous. Therefore, I think media should make other good news regarding unknown people.  
  
As we know, numerous people who don't have popularity like actor or singer but they have many achievements. It can inspire many poeple, and edia should report about them. For example, Siti from bekasi she got scholarship to Germany because her achievements. She graduated from best university in Indonesia with best score, and because that she got scholarship to continued her study. She is very smart and dilligent, but if you know, his father's jobs is driver's motorcyle or we usually called ojek. It's very inspire many people. I think many people in this country like Siti and every people must know about them.  
  
In conclusion, famous people and ordinary people are equal important. Media will get more profit because calebrity and audience will get advantages about good story from ordinary people. From all of them I think media better to make more news about inspiration people but still show about calebrity news because is important to their business.
Hi. Here are my suggestions for you.  
  
They decide to choose them because more ...  
Where is your main subject for your subclause?  
  
numerous people who have best achievement and  
For superlative, don't forget to place THE as the determiner.  
  
involve in many activity are seldom to show,  
VERB cannot be the subject. change it to be GERUND  
  
As we know, numerous people who don't have popularity like ... (Where is your main clause? **REMEMBER:** (The number of conjunction = The number of sentence+1) .  
  
For example, Siti from bekasi ~~she~~ got scholarship to Germany because OF her achievements. She graduated from THE best university in Indonesia with THE best score,...  
  
... or we usually called ojek(Please state that only Indonesian that called that) . It's very inspire many people. (when BE followed by verb, you should make sure that the verb is Ving or V3).  
  
Suggestions:  
I found many mistakes from your grammatical structures from subject-verb agreement. Try to improve that and you can try to give the revisions in this essay.  
  
I hope it can be useful for you.  
Goodluck and Keep Spirited.
Nowadays, most of media prefer to ~~make~~ report news about ...  
  
They decide to choose them because more ...  
this sentence contain more than two verbs decide and choose as reference you can use decide choosing  
  
involve in many activity are seldom to show, ...  
miss spelling in celebrity's and contain more than two verbs again are, to show, prefer, to show.I suggest you that you should remember about the grammar rule and pay attention about the S + V AGREEMENT.  
  
... but show unknown poepleMISS SPELLING AGAIN PEOPLE who has good ...
Hey Mariel, your opening paragraph sounds alright. However, I would like to know what the prompt requirement or instructions from your instructor are for the development of this essay. You see, the opening statement needs to be an accurate paraphrasing of the original prompt so I need to be able to refer to the original instructions to do that. In the meantime, you can further improve the opening statement by removing the phrase that says "s. For this reason..." Just immediately tell the reader that you will be discussing reasons as to why studying abroad will be a good idea. I am not sure what kind of essay instruction you were given so I am not sure if you should be discussing the pros and cons of studying abroad. Please provide us with the original instructions so that we can offer you more relevant advice as to how to improve the paragraph.
Studying abroad is one of the best ways to experience the culture of a country, to acquire more knowledge, to get career opportunities and intercultural development and to discover new strengths.  
Studying abroad is one of the best ways to get new experience about the culture of a country such as ,acquire more knowledge, career opportunities and intercultural development and to discover new strengths.  
  
I believe it would be a good idea for this to be mandatory for university students.  
unclear sentence >>> I believe that it will be good idea if the student having mandatory from university to learn about new culture of country.
Alfin, where is the link to the article? You know very well that we rely on our reading of the original article to help you improve upon your current work. I hope that you noticed how short your summary is. Due to its brevity, I cannot accurately assume or say that you have an informative summary presented for review. There was a failure on your part to mention who is speaking (Pundit? Who is the pundit?). While I can assume that there is more to the psychological studies, I would have liked to have seen a mention of the title of the study, who commissioned it, what the target demographic was for the study, and how many people were in the sample rate. All of these are important information that would probably have been found in the original article but you failed to present in your summary. Thus making your summary more of a hearsay and not really authoritative in presentation. Please remember to add the link to the original article the next time you post a summary for review here.
Pundits(who is pundid ??? make clear the speaker) said inhabitants who (...) wealthy counterparts, ~~according from~~according to the psychological studies.I think this form will ...  
  
... "self-oriented behavior" miss spelling the correct one is BEHAVIOUR is more likely (...) higher educations, excelentmiss spelling again excellent jobs, high incomes, ...  
  
The paper also claims that people with less education and less money...  
confusing sentence I think this inappropriate between less many and generous  
  
insert the source is necessary because we know the original text.
Hello Alfinkurnia! I will give you my opinions about your best short summary as well as your comment.  
  
(1) Last year Apple didn't*(Please use appropriate sentence in your summary. It should be 'did not')*  
  
(2) ...proposed **a** discount in black Friday.  
You need to pay attention about noun that should be put after article. So it should be 'a discount' which 'a' as article and 'discount' as noun  
  
(3) ... with certain purchases **that** made on ...  
  
(4) Apple's latest revenues ~~results~~**resulted a**marked the third consecutive quarter*(I did not get what the meaning of this sentence)* where the latest ...  
  
(5) And*(You should read more about FANBOYS on google)* Eventhough Apple sold more iPhones than **they** expected in the previous quarter...
**The proportion of monthly household income five European countries spend on food and drink, housing, clothing and entertainment**  
  
\*\*please help to know my mistake  
~~ coherence and cohesion,  
~~lexical resource, grammatical .  
~~Sentence structure.  
  
If i want get 7 plus band ...what to do in this writing.\*\*  
  
A breakdown of information about the comparison of five European countries in term of the monthly spending on different need is presented in the table. The value is measured in percent. Overall, it is important to note that a significant portion of income of selected countries goes on Housing, while clothing is the least in their preference list.  
  
Housing is the largest expenditure item. France, Germany and the UK spend almost one third of their income on this. In contrast, they spend around a quarter on food and drink. However, this pattern is reversed for Turkey and Spain, who spend around a fifth of their income on housing, but 10% and 15% respectively on food and drink.  
  
The nation's Spending on entertainment is slightly more than clothing. The expenditures for France and Spain are minor, while the other three countries pay out much the same amount, ranging between 13% and 15%. 19% of income use for entertainment in Germany, whereas UK and Turkey expense only half this amount. In case of France and Spain, the spending are between those other three nations.  
  
thanks in advance.. :)  
  
*
Hello! I will give you some opinions about your essay.  
  
(1) A breakdown of **the** information about ~~the~~**a** comparison of (...) on different need**s** is presented in the table.  
(2) ... selected countries goes on Housing , while clothing is the least in ə  
You have to consistent to use Capital or not  
(3) In contrast , they spend around ...  
As I learned that 'in contrast' can only be used to compare color scheme. You can use 'on the contrary' or 'on the other hand'  
  
(4) T... on entertainment is slightly *(you need a noun)* more than clothing.  
(5) ...ranging between 13% and 15%. **Roughly** 19% of income ...