dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***People who cause their own illnesses through unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets should have to pay more for health care.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

  
  
With new technological advances achieved every day, it is an indisputable fact that health care services have been available to many host countries. However, some people abused this revolution for such unhealthy lifestyles as unbalanced diet and sedentary lifestyle. While many people do not need to use medical services, others constantly need medication due to their poorly daily lives. In this essay, I strongly hold the view that people who are responsible for their illnesses should have to contribute towards the cost of their health care.  
  
First of all, it is important to highlight the fact that ignorance is not an excuse. The media has placed the entire world and all of the information in it at our fingertips. Information about health and fitness is widely available so everyone should know consuming fast food, cigarettes, and alcohol to excess results in serious health problems. In addition to this, there is a vast amount of help services which people can consult for advice on improving their health, ranging from doctors to sports trainers and dieticians. Therefore, I would contend that people who continue to live unhealthy lifestyles despite advice from doctors or health professionals should not receive free or reduced health care services.  
  
Further and even more importantly, though, the development of medical treatment goes hand in hand with the increase of payment so it is inequitable to let people who do not care about their health require treatment with the same charges as others. I think the most obvious solution is to raise the cost of health care to make people more aware of staying fit. By doing this, it does not only narrow down the medical burden but also saves more money for other patients, whose treatment is compulsory but costly.  
  
By way of conclusion, it is undeniable that the number of people whose lifestyles unhealthy will continue to rise as the pace of life increases. Given the medical problems associated with this trend, I believe that making them contribute towards the cost of treatment for self-inflicted diseases would be warranted.
The prompt paraphrase contains information not included in the original presentation which resulted in an over writing in your presentation. The actual discussions offer 2 reasons at any given point in the presentation, but suffer in explanation development. simply writing 300+ words will not assure you of a proper and high scoringpresentation. It will however , assure you of sectional scoring deductions.  
  
There is a lack of proper discussion idea outlining on your part, within the 40 minute allowance which led to idea presentations in paragraphs, but very little in the way of idea development and explanation. Writing qualities that, when not present in the essay, result in lower C&C plus GRA scores. For example, "By way of conclusion " is incorrect grammar. The proper reference in this presentation is "To conclude this discussion...". By the way,that is a memorized placeholder phrase that I cannot advise you to use in the essay. Memorized phrases will lower your TA score. In this case,the TA and GRA scores will both receive deductions due to the use of a memorized phrase and incorrect grammar.  
  
The word " think" is unacceptable. Your TA score is based on the clarity of your opinion. The aforementioned word indicates a doubt rather than conviction in your opinion. Avoid words of uncertainty so as not to incur additional TA deductions.  
  
There is a lack of proofreading and editing in the presentation that will lower each scoring aspect of the test. It is more important to focus on delivering the scoring requirements than just a long unchecked and non-corrected essay.
***There seems to be an increasing trend towards assessing students through exams rather than through continual assessment.***  
## What are the advantages and disadvantages of exams as a form of assessment?

  
  
It seems to be a growing trend that students are judged through final exams rather than continuous assessments. This can have both advantages and drawbacks.  
  
On the one hand, it is beneficial for students to be assessed by final exams instead of continuous assessment. This is predicated on the assumption that students who have to take one exam throughout their course tend to be under less pressure than those who receive a continuous assessment. Since final exams take place only at the end of a course, students may not be required to spend too much time on revision. This can enable them to have more spare time for their hobbies, extracurricular activities, or part-time jobs, which seem to be less stressful than academic knowledge.  
  
On the other hand, it seems to be a demanding job for teachers to evaluate a student's capability just by one test. A good student may have poor performance on his test day due to many unexpected problems related to physical or mental health. For example, a brilliant student usually has excellent performances in his class but got low marks in his final exams because of his sickness. Consequently, exam results may fail to reflect students' capacity and provide feedback that students can later use to improve their understanding. It is one of the shortcomings if schools apply final examination systems to observe students' progress.  
  
In conclusion, for the aforementioned reasons, assessing the capacity of students by exams instead of continual assessment has both positives and negatives.
The prompt restatement still kept the use of the original keywords from the prompt. The words final exams and continious assessment should have been replaced to show your English vocabulary range. Acceptable replacements for final exams would have been closing semester test, last periodical quiz. For continious assessment - weekly quizzes, daily review questions, among other alternative references would have been acceptable . The overall essay is only slightly above the minimum word count which does not help to increase the overall scoring potential. Writing at least 275 words would be more ideal next time.The inclusion of a proper 2 sentence response here would have helped increase the TA score. An immediate topic presentation would have been beneficial to the clarity of your opinion based on your proposed discussion outline .  
  
There are 2 discussion views presented in the instructions, the positive and negative. For immediate paragraph discussion and clarity, launch each paragraph with that reasoning sentence . The C and C score will increase that way . So rather than saying " On the one hand " , which doesn't tell the reader anything about the paragraph topic, say," One disadvantage is ", this clearly leading the reader into the paragraph topic.Then , opening the next paragraph with, " That is why there is clearly an advantage to ... " Such paragraph formatting lends itself to higher C and C scores due to the obvious connection of discussion points within paragraphs.  
  
You show an understanding of the prompt in the discussions. However, better discussion formatting is required due to better scoring considerations.These improvements in word count and presentation can increase your final score.
## Spendings on phones in the usa

  
  
The line chart illustrates the average spending yearly of the American people for mobile phone, national and international landline phones in the period from 2001 to 2010.  
  
Overall, it is clear that there was a significant increase of the spending on cell phones while national landline phones decrease gradually. It is also noticeable that the figure of international landline phones slightly rose and remained over the period shown.  
  
According to the graph, in 2001, the national landline phone is the most popular communication service in America with average spending $700, compared only $250 and $200 on international landline phone and cell phone services respectively. Over the following 5 years, the annual expenditures of national services fell by around $250. By contrast, the level of yearly sending cell phone services rose by $350 during this same period and was same as the average figure of national phones in 2006, at about $500. Besides that, the average amount of overseas phones fluctuated slightly under $300 at the same time.  
  
From 2006 to 2010, it can be seen that the average yearly expense for mobile phone services took over the national fixed-line phone service and became the most common means of communication. The amount of money of the US people spent on mobile phones grew about $150 per year. Whereas, the number of spending on national landline phones continued to decrease to just above $400 by 2010. As for the figure of international landline phones, the yearly spending was still remaining around $300.
You forgot to upload the image with your essay so my review will be limited. I require the image for comparison purposes with your work. This will be only a basic observation commentary on your work.  
  
The summary overview could have used a better presentation. The information you provided should have been completed over 2 sentences rather than a single extra long presentation. That, is a run-on rather than complex sentence. use a proper mix of simple and complex sentence presentations next time.  
  
The information covers previous years so a past tense thought and data reference should be used. It is incorrect for you to say; " was still remaining ". The proper reference is; "remained at ". Your GRA score will be deducted from each time such incorrect time references are used. Obvious LR errors are also present. I am not sure what you mean to represent when saying " yearly sending services ". The inclusion of the image may have helped me understand what led to this error in your data writing .
## Domestic access to modern technology in homes in the UK

  
  
The provided line graph illustrates the figure for households getting access to different kind of up-to-date home appliances including CD player, Mobile phone, home computer, and internet access in the UK in the period between 1996 and 2003.  
  
Overall, it is clear that there was an upward trend in the number of these all 4 devices in the given year. while CD players were most used, internet access seemed be least prevalent compared to others.  
  
In 1996/1997, 60% of families in the UK used CD players. This figure continuously increased remarkably to over 80% by more than 20% at the end of the period. By contrast, there was no Internet access in 1996/97 until 1998/99 when it appeared and occupied for 10%. Moreover, in the following years, the UK witnessed a considerable rise in the proportion of the Internet and reach about 40% in 2002/03.  
  
As for the others, the figures for home computer and mobile phone stood at about 27% and proximately 20% in 1996/97 respectively. In the period between 1998/99 and 2000/21, the latter surpassed the former at the point of about 37% and tended to increase considerably to just 70% while this one for home computer stopped at 57% at the end of the given time.  
  
Thanks for your watching and correcting my writing ^^  
  
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The task 1 essay requires to summarize the information using less than 200 words. Representing the summarized and analyzed data within 175- 190 words willbe more than sufficient to help prove your English analytical and short reporting skills. Bear in mind that you are writing for an audience of professionals who have only a feew minutes to spare in reading your work. The more scannable your work, while keeping it understandable to an English native speaker, the better your final score will be.  
  
With regards to the summary, you missed presenting the percentage measurement indicator which is a necessary aspect of the information summary. Please remember to review and edit your work for grammar accuracy. You failed to capitalize the first word of a new sentence. Your rush to write a long piece rather than a quality piece have left this paper prone to uncorrected enors, this creating more score deduction areas for your final score. Even the slightest ensor can result in a failure for your test. Create quality work rather than word quantity. Word count reliant essays more often fail than pass this test.  
  
You show a good presentation formatting eye that is focused on GRA considerations. Although admirable, this essay is too wordy and uses words of uncertainty where preciseness is required. There is a good scoring potential here. You just need to learn to properly develop a suitable writing style for the Task 1 essay [
Prefrontal cortex  
Explain how this is a mental/brain development and how it applies to maturity.  
  
There're tons  
You are writing a formal academic paper, avoid informal writing tones and word usage. Contractions are unacceptable.  
  
Are the older wiser than the younger.  
What exactly are you trying to say? Is this an accidental new sentence? Edit this presentation as it fails to connect with the previous discussion. Is this a question with the wrong punctuation mark?  
  
Is this paper to be presented solely as a personal opinion price? There are sections that indicate being sourced from other material but lacks proper referencingin the paper. Kindy ensure proper citation formatting to avoid possible plagiarism problems once this is submitted.  
  
The paper requires grammar and punctuation editing aside from proper in-text referencing. You may contact us privately for extra review and editing services if you wish to have the paper professionally cleaned up.
## online shopping sales (retail sectors)

  
  
The two pie chart illustrate the proportion of online sales in four types of products and services in Canada during the 5-year period.  
Overall, is it clear that Electronics and appliance was the largest segment in 2005, but the first rank was replaced by Food and Beverage in the year 2010. The online earning from Food and beverage and video games increased, while that of electronics and appliances and home furnishings declined over the period shown.  
  
In 2005, 35% of the total selling was Electronic and Appliances, followed by Home furnishings sector, at a quarter. Both retailers witnessed a moderate fall by 5% and 10% in Electronic and appliances and Home furnishings respectively at the end of the period.  
  
On the other hand, Food and beverage sectors accounted for 22% in2005, and there was a dramatic rise to 32% in 2010. A similar pattern was seen in video games, with the figure increasing by 5% in 2010.  
  
This is task 1 of Ielts writing done by me. Please help me correct mistakes if I am wrong somewhere. I am happy to listen from you. Thank you very much!  
  
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The two pie chart illustrate the proportion of online sales in four types of products and services in Canada during the 5-year period.  
Actually, these are comparative sales based on half a decade sales presentations. Mention the comparison years early in the summary. Do not mention just one of the years since you indicated 2 images , both off which are given titles to help recognize, acknowledge, and differentiate the information presented. This presentation shows that you need to work on your analytical discussion presentation based on word usage.  
  
For data clarity purposes , you should use the 2 paragraphs to present the information by year. That is because the way you have theinformation presented at the moment feels more like an extended trending statement than a data report. since you chosetodothe comparisontrending presentation in the summary, the writing tone and slant should changein the next 2 paragraphs based on the provided discussion analysis or representation. You may wish to extend each paragraph to 3-5 sentences so that the presentation tone can be better altered to represent another aspect of data analysis or comparison. The information ' does not follow a true complex sentence structure. Rather, the combined sentence ideas lack image data to help with clarity and lends itself moreto run-on sentence formatting.
## Comparison of energy production (pie charts)

  
  
The given pie charts compare the percentages of different kinds of energy production between two years: 1995 and 2005.  
It can be seen obviously in the charts that the energy produced from two sources namely coal and gas made up the largest share in both years, while the figures for nuclear and other energy production were the smallest.  
  
In detail, the energy produced from coal accounted for 29.80% of the total energy production, which was the highest proportion in 1995, and this figure underwent a slight increase to 30.93% in 2005. Similarly, the second-largest percentage was accounted for by Gas in both years, at 29.63% in 1995 and this proportion increased slightly by nearly 1% to 30.31% in 2005. The figures for nuclear and other energy production were much lower, accounted for 6.40% and 4.90% in 1995. These proportions experienced a modest increase of about 5% to 10.10% and 9.10% in 2005. However, they were still 2 sources that made up the smallest share in both years. In contrast, the percentage of Petrol underwent a reverse trend. The energy produced from Petrol accounted for 29.27% in 1995 but decreased sharply by nearly 10% to 19.55 in 2005  
  
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When discussing more than one pie chart, always indicate the number of charts included to help the reader get a better idea of how the information presentation is divided. The same goes for the trending statements. You must clearly indicate which trend goes with which chart. You cannot simply state the trends collectively and hope that the reader will know how to separate and classify the information you are providing. You must do that yourself as part of the Task Accuracy consideration for your presentation.  
  
This is a 3 paragraph presentation essay due to the 2 images provided. Each image must have a comprehensive information and discussion presentation in stand alone paragraphs. The presentation you used lost clarity because of the lack of information division between images. Name the images. Pie chart 1 covers what information? Then pie chart 2? Remember the audience you are writing for. They need to be able to create a mental image of what you are trying to report on.  
  
Using the years indicated in the same paragraph makes it difficult to classify the information. Hence the need for singular paragraphs specific to the year you are discussing. The comparative discussion could be better presented as a part of the trending statement, where the successive comparisons would make more sense.  
  
Though your information presentation is accurate for the most part, the lack of clarity and confusing information presentation format per image is what will hold back your final score.
## sponsorship in sports events for advertising purpose

  
  
People have widely differing views on whether sponsorship in sports events for advertising purpose is necessary. Personally, I think that this trend does more good than harm.  
  
On the one hand, many people claim that spectators or viewers only pay attention to sports events rather than caring about the products advertised. This means that the companies may waste abundant money without increasing the sale significantly. Another reason why people think that sponsorship should not be allowed is that many companies may showcase harmful products such as alcohol or tobacco and as a result, affects people's behaviors. Continuously being exposed to such products, young people may develop an association with them and get addicted to them. The effects can even be much greater considerable when there are millions of people watching those sports events every year.'  
  
However, one deniable justification for sponsoring is that it helps remove the financial burden on organizers and also the sports players themselves, sports events such as the FIFA world cup requires millions of dollars to organize and coordinate and sponsorship covers most of this expenditure. Without sponsors, the spectator's ticket price may become so high that no one could afford and thus, the organizers may go bankrupt. Furthermore not only money, but sports players can also receive lots of equipment which will assist them in performing better. This is also a win-win deal when the companies can showcase their products and conspicuously, the more it appears, the greater reputation it will get. Many sports players these days even have their own fandom and these spectators willingly purchase anything their idols advertise as a way of supporting. Obviously, compared to other ways of media, this can be considered as one of the most effective ones.  
  
In conclusion, sponsorship plays a pivotal role in helping mount an event, and in order to remove all the disadvantages, alcohol and tobacco companies and alike companies should be prohibited to sponsor.
Make sure that you use a timer when you practice these writing test essays. Set it for 40 minutes then do the following:  
- Analyze the topic based on a list of keywords and instructions  
- Create 2 sections for the 2 reasoning discussions. List your related topics per paragraph.  
- Draft your essay  
- compare your content with the prompt requirements and discussion topics / instructions  
- Ensure you covered the correct writing points. Revise accordingly.  
- Review against the original prompt again. P roofread and apply the final edit.  
  
Using the correct writing process for this test that focuses on clarity and prompt adherence with a chance to correct errors will show that you cannot write an almost 400 word essay in 40 minutes. Long essays do not help to increase your scoring ability overall. Rather, as your current writing shows, it creates a potential for you to make more scoring mistakes.  
  
For example , the prompt paraphrasing needs to reflect the number of discussion topics as allowing you to restate these based on your understanding of the information.This is part of the T.A. score. The lack of this representation lowers that score due to an incomplete prompt restatement. You would have caught that I information if you reviewed the essay properly. Never go directly into a final version. Use an outline first to make sure you don't miss anything in your presentation.  
  
To be clear, you have ample examples provided but that is all. The length of the essay does not provide a fully explained reason or example, which is what this test scores you on. Itis not the length that matters but the clarity, logic, and sense of your reasoning explanations. Just me, you can get a fantastic score with 275 words written and fail the test with 300+ words.
## teacher's work stability and his satisfaction

  
  
Educational sector has witnessed a great rise since it started to care about the teacher's stability and his satisfaction that help him definitely to be a competent teacher. So the quality of a good job depends largely on two factors that bring the expected satisfaction morally and financially.  
  
Firstly, one of the foremost factors that achieve obviously teaching job satisfaction is the stability of morale because if the teacher feels that his entourage helps him even by a smile, so that teacher will be motivated and eager to work. In other words, human beings are always in need of support, positive feedbacks and appreciating the efforts can hugely play major role in achieving the teacher's satisfaction because it is a sign of recognition and the one's devotion at work  
  
Secondly, being financially stable can gives an extra energy to make the job done in a good way. The teacher's salary is important for him to save a good life personally, and it is necessary to praise teachers at the end of the month because it motivates them to continue their efforts in order to achieve the agreed goals.  
  
All in all, job satisfaction in both sides morally and financially; it is important for every teacher which can facilitate the difficulties and the challenges that may encountered during the intended work