dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Okay, you misunderstood the prompt. The topic was about aid that rich countries give the poor countries to help them deal with certain financial situations in their country. There is no indication that international groups in the original prompt. Remember, if it isn't in the original discussion, you should not include it in the restatement or anywhere in your discussion. That leads to a prompt change on your part, which could result in your essay failing the test. Always make sure to use alternative words that still identify the original term. So countries could be identified as nations, region, states, and so on and so forth. When you said global groups, you automatically changed the keyword reference in the essay. Avoid doing that.  
  
You actually changed the discussion topic throughout the essay because you changed the aid between countries to aid from international organizations. While there are several different prompts that could refer to the discussion you currently present, it does not erase the fact that the discussion never refers to international organizations. It always refers to aid between countries. Country aid examples are : USA sends money to Africa to help with famine, Australia sends financial aid to Nigeria to aid in poverty alleviation, Canada sends financial aid to Mexico to help combat the drug problem. International organization examples are : The UN sends money to the Mongolia to help with their national development, WFP sends money to help feed the poor in Nigeria. WHO sends money to buy Covid 19 test kits in India. See the difference? You cannot interchange countries for international organizations. This essay will miss the mark and get a failing score. All because your reference points do not properly represent the original keywords.  
  
Let me put it this way; your topic sentence in the first reasoning paragraph is incorrect, but the rest of the reasoning and example points are correct. Rather than international organizations, the reference should have been affluent countries. You have a correct discussion presentation in reasoning paragraph 2. That was relevant to the discussion and well explained. In reasoning paragraph 3, you again missed the topic reference because you said "global groups" when you should have said "well to do countries". Remember, the discussion is not about global groups, it is about helpful countries. Learn to recognize the difference based on the meaning or representation of the original keyword.  
  
While you have grammar issues, the transition was not a problem for you this time. The main problem was the misrepresentation of the original discussion. You swapped countries for global groups and that, made huge difference in the discussion presentation, on the negative side. Work on your English comprehension skills. There are exercises available for that online. In order to properly respond to the essay, you must first, make sure you understand all the discussion requirements.
## advantages and disadvantages of LCC

  
  
Nowadays, many airline companies run low cost carriers well. There are numerous LLC emerging faster than past decades, and LLC airline companies become more competitive and convenient for passengers. Some of the classmates who interests the topic and I discussed the advantages and disadvantages about LCC.  
  
As the global development grows fast, many tourism industries are increasing rapidly. Low cost carries is one of airline industries that people regard it as a flexible and convenient transportation. Several advantages of LCC are such as cheaper tickets and easier journeys on the plane. People might not actually need high quality services on the plane so they choose LCC instead. Besides, they enjoy easy and casual services that LCC provide.  
  
On the contrary, the disadvantages of the low budget carries are unsafe and crowded. LCC airline companies also use older aero planes to pick passengers up, which means older aero planes would cause the risk increasing while passengers are traveling. What's more, the long journey does not fit to fly LCC.  
  
Based on the pros and cons of LCC, we realize that every coin has two sides. There is no doubt that LCC brings people to a more convenient journey; however, LCC still remains some other concern for people to notice. LCC definitely could develop well in the future if the disadvantages are solved. We all hope the modern transportation brings we human beings a more efficient and safer life.
I do not believe that you wrote this as an IELTS Task 2 essay since no task 2 topic will cover limited liability companies (LLC). While your presentation is interesting enough on a superficial basis, I believe that your first paragraph should first, include an explanation of what an LLC is and how it functions in terms of airline considerations. While we know these companies to be low cost and cheaper for the big companies to run, not everyone will know that so a simple explanation of how the concept works would help make the topic clear to the reader.  
  
Consider using examples that might be familiar to people in relation to the airline industries. I would say, use Cathay Pacific as a main company reference and their budget airlines, Cathay Dragon and Air Hong Kong. Utilize comparison discussions to prove that using LLC airlines appeal more to the air travelers when compared to the big budget airlines. Use the comparison for the A/D presentation to show an equal consideration of the discussion topic strong and weak points.  
  
Again, your essay contains some pretty informative simple information. However, the unfamiliar reader may have a bit of a difficulty following your discussion presentation without examples and comparisons. Consider using an extended discussion that better threshes out the background of an airline LLC and its A/D over the more popular airlines.
Hi Mr. Holt,  
Thank you for your previous useful advice. I have written this essay based on your advice.  
Is it better than previous essays? (2 public pov, 1 personal pov, the link sentences between these paragraphs)  
Is there anything that I should improve?  
And 1 more question, this essay is about 364 words, while I only have 40 minutes to write in IELTS test. So it must be too long, so how can I shorten it? Can you see there is any problem that makes my essay longer?  
  
***Some people think it is acceptable to use animals for the benefit of humans, other people think it is wrong to exploit animals for human purposes.*  
  
## Discuss both views and your opinion.**  
  
Issues related to animal practical uses are frequently discussed these days, particularly in media. Many people claim that animals cannot be used by humans for any purpose, while others disagree with this idea. However, I believe that only using animals for science experiments is acceptable.  
  
People agreed that the practical use of animals contributes a vital importance to humans' life. Animal experimentation for researching purposes is the greatest benefit of this society. When scientists research on medicine or chemical substance to observe its effects on people's activities, they will do operations on animals such as the experiment of goldfish's brain functions to get a result which is similar to the performance on humans, which can minimize risks in advance. However, this practical use is only taken by scientists, not other individuals  
  
.  
People are not allowed to use animals to prove a result due to their curiosity. Some people want to know the reactions of wild animals against their tricks then consider it as one kind of research. For example, someone throws a plastic watermelon which looks like that fruit but was made in plastic through a hippo's mouth to see whether it understands that it is not normal food. This action is cruelty to animals which has to be prohibited by governments  
  
In my opinion, whether or not animals should be used to serve people's benefits, it depends on the purposes of people and groups of animals. The use for humane purposes which plays a huge part in social improvement can be acceptable since studies cannot find out a vaccine for humans or potential functions inside our body when lacking these experiments. Moreover, scientists cannot perform on rare and endangered species or normal species without any suitable reason. I think governments should set up the list of experimental animals and requirement for using animals such as the necessary procedures and the reasons before operating on animals in order to identify the legal use on them  
  
To conclude, while I believe that animals should be respected under any circumstance. I have to admit that there is no better way than medical animal testation to secure patients against dangerous effects. However, everyone has to carefully consider our actions on animals due to our morality
## Punishment and Distinction between good/bad

  
  
**It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them this distinction.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?  
What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviors to children?It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them this distinction.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?  
What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviors to children?**  
  
Raising children following the appropriate behaviors has been challenging for many people. Although some opinions say that punishment might be helpful, I would totally argue this view. In the following lines I will give reasons why I disagree with that opinion, and discuss some effective alternatives.  
  
Punishment could be helpful in deterring youngsters from committing mistakes, but it would work only for the short run. On the long run, however, it could make boys and girls to become less likely to cooperate as they learned to resent their parents, in other words, it affects the close connection with them. In addition to that point, many research papers have shown that toddlers who were physically or Verbally punished; spanking, slapping or yelling for instance, were more likely to adopt hostile behaviors and become aggressive in their social interactions  
  
In the worst-case scenario, if we had to use disciplines, we should use only the healthy and positive punishment approaches. One of the most effective methods is to call your young child for a call out, during which a child is asked to stay in a room corner for a few minutes based on his age. Another method that can be followed by teachers in the school is to add extra tasks for the guilty students to carry it out at home.  
  
In conclusion, It is necessary to guide the offspring on what is accepted to do and what is not, however, I believe that punishing them may not be the beast choice because it my increase the children's rejection of the parent's instructions, and it can cause a lot of psychological disorders such as violence and misbehaving with their peers.
*Hi to all, this is my first time posting on this site. Do let me know what you think and please advise if I posted this wrongly. Thank you again and looking forward to all your feedbacks.*  
  
## Students are trained how to pass exams

  
  
In schools, teachers have to ensure that students pass or do well in their exams, as the results are representations of the student's understanding or I dare say their memory of the subject. But is the main role of the school for students to pass their exams ? In this essay, I argue that it is not.  
  
School is a place for students where they can learn different subjects, participate in co-curricular activities (CCAs), socialise and learn on how to become good citizens of society. Passing exams is just one criteria in order for students to move up to the next level. School is also a safe place for parents to drop off their children so that they can do their own work or chores while knowing their child is in safe hands. Schools offer many CCAs where students can socialise and perhaps find a talent or a passion they never thought that had  
  
There have been cases where there are certain students who did poorly in their exams but later in life, they did exceptionally well for themselves. They are labelled as 'late-bloomers', and I myself am a late bloomer. Since young, I always had a passion for Information Technology, but my primary and secondary school never offered any subjects related to coding. I did badly for my PSLE and 'O' Levels exams, and I barely got into the course of my choice in a polytechnic. I was given many opportunities that has helped me further pursue my passion. And aside from doing well in my exams, I did well in many other activities such as in competitions, CCAs and presentations. I was even thus, awarded the honour of being valedictorian for my school.  
  
Passing exams shouldn't solely be the main role for schools. Passing a subject simply indicates to the teacher, the student's level of understanding of the topic. Schools are beyond just exams, it is a safe haven for students to grow holistically and nature themselves, hence enabling them to be better prepared for the future that lies ahead.
I am not sure what the full discussion topic is and what comparison points were provided, if any. Was this written for an IELTS test or a simple English exercise? Please be specific next time and provide the complete prompt for my reference. I would highly appreciate it.  
  
If this was written for a task 2 essay, then you went over the advised word count. Try to keep your work within 275-290 words as you require time to review, edit, and finalize the content. That said, your opening paraphrase is short by 1 sentence count to meet the minimum. You should have cut the second sentence into 2 parts to avoid the current run-on sentence presentation. By the way, it is best not to post questions in your paraphrase. In this presentation, it feels like you just cut and paste the original question into the paragraph. It is better to pose the question as a discussion topic so that you avoid the possibility of incomplete paraphrasing altogether.  
  
The discussion paragraphs are good, but with errors. Additionally, you could have used transition sentences at the end of each paragraph to create a smoother transition from one topic to the next. The presentation tries to be sleek and smooth and fails due to several grammatical errors. I'll show you some of the points for correction that I caught. That said, your presentation is somewhat acceptable.  
  
Grammar:  
  
Passing exams is just one criteria (criterion). You used the plural for exam so you should have used the plural form of criteria as well. The rule is singular = singular, plural = plural. Be consistent.  
  
The essay needs to feel more natural in presentation. So avoid using complicated words where simple words would suffice:  
  
... simply indicates... = simply shows  
... safe haven for students = haven for students  
... teachers have to ensure = teachers must ensure  
... in order for students = for students ...  
... I myself (redundancy) = I  
  
Avoid contractions in academic writing. Always spell out the words:  
shouldn't = should not  
  
Use more appropriate adjectives:  
Passing exams shouldn't be the main role... = key role  
  
I would have given more comments about the content but you did not give me the complete writing instructions so I cannot really give any accurate observations about that part of your work. Maybe next time? Just provide the complete writing instructions please.
Helloooo every body, please review my writting bellow, I really need your help. Thanks all!!!  
  
## What people should read?

  
  
*TOPIC: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should read only those books that are about real events, real people, and established facts. Use specific reasons and details to support your opinion.*  
  
ANSWER  
It is often believed that books, which are written about authentic occurrence, with affirmed truths and people are the best to read. In my opinion, I disagree with the suggestion that we should just read about books including accurate information only.  
  
First of all, nearly all of books in the world are written imaginary. Authors often write about fictional contents and characters. The most two common categories of fiction books are comics and novel. These kinds of books easily attract and make readers cannot take their eyes from the very first chapter, as it is happening in life. For example, an extremely celebrated novel written by Margret Mitchell which "Gone With the wind" had shocked the world literary formerly, had no real occasion as well as character at all!  
  
In addition to the concern above, I also believe that reading only about realities is a really boring thing due to the limited events that happen. We can easily read the happened things every day on newspapers or on our phone conveniently. As a result, it is definitely an unremarkable amount of real things occurred that we do not know if all of those circumstances are putted into a book. Furthermore, it is incomprehensible if you let a 6-years old boy read a political or historical book. He will never understand the complicated essence of the issues that the book would. This exactly exemplifies the boredom of books regarding real events and people.  
  
In conclusion, importance of fictional books is undoubtedly undeniable, and I believe that they will always play an essential role in our life.
The essay should take a clear position right off the bat. Do you agree or disagree with wearing uniforms? There is too much emphasis on your personal experience while wearing school uniforms in the opinion paper. It should be better balanced. Always start off with a general reference/opinion/citation, then move on to your personal opinion or preference in relation to the discussion. You should be able to explain this preference in a manner that highlights how more people, not just you, would rather not wear uniforms.  
  
The comparative discussion should be better highlighted as well, but always focused on the strength of your point of view. I am really not clear about which side your essay is trying to justify. It would be better if you could make that clear as a part of your thesis presentation in the first paragraph of the essay. You have a good start, but you need to bring the discussion into a focused area of discussion.  
  
I think you will be better helped if you create a topic outline first. That way you can slant the essay discussion topics in a manner that will be best suited to the discussion you wish to support. As of now, the essay needs more information. There isn't enough discussion for the reader to make an educated decision on. You did say that this is just the draft so you have plenty of room to adjust your content.
***It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environment, such as the South Pole.  
## What are advantages and disadvantages of this development?***  
  
Advancements in all spheres of life have opened new horizons for people. One of these is access to the South Pole and other new destinations for researchers and common people. While it is advantageous as it allows scientists to collect valuable data and give new experiences for tourists, it has drawbacks such as polluting these intact regions.  
  
There are advantages for both scientists and ordinary visitors. For the latter it means more travel destinations, new unforgettable experiences and new photos on their social media accounts. For the former it gives access to unique data sources that can reveal the secrets of our planet. For instance, samples collected from beneath kilometer-thick layers of the Antarctic ice sheet can tell about how Earth looked like billions of years ago. Therefore, the journey there will lead to more scientific discoveries.  
  
The drawback of accessible travel is that people tend to pollute places where they go. Travellers need to bring a lot of clothes, food, and equipment to such remote locations as the South Pole. Most of these things eventually become waste that will end up discarded around the area. While this littering tendency might not be so pronounced for scientists, it is more prevalent in tourism. It has happened before, as previously accessible only to the few bravest and fittest alpinists, Mount Everest is now gathering queues of tourists at its summit. This influx of people has resulted in tonnes of trash scattered around the paths, leaving a heavy footprint on the ecology of this formerly pristine region.  
  
In conclusion, tourists together with scientists now have easier access to remote locations. On the positive side there is plenty of potential for research and leisure experiences there. But it has its disadvantages as people bring pollution with them.
Do not always rely on using "former" and "latter" when referencing groups of people or other situations where the terms apply. You need to build up your LR score and one way of doing that is to show that you know how to refer to tourists and scientists in several ways, that still apply to the discussion.  
  
Tourist - sightseer, traveler, excursionist, explorer, journeyer, vacationer, among other alternative terms  
Scientist - scientific analyst, nature examiner, environmental prober, are some advanced alternative references to scientists.  
  
You need to keep reading more English materials to help increase your vocabulary. While fiction books can help, news materials, research documents, and academic journals could help further increase your knowledge of English words. You should also familiarize yourself with the difference in UK and American English spelling. Kilometer in American English is spelled Kilometre in UK English. Additionally, you mentioned the plural form of layer, layers in the sentence. Therefore, the measurement should be in plural form also (kilometres thick). Consistency in your presentation is important.  
  
Your clarity in sentence presentations become affected by the lack of comma usage before the word "and". The presentation becomes clearer, when presenting a series of information, if you can prepare the reader for the upcoming end of the list: *"new unforgettable experiences, and new photos on their social media accounts".*  
Also, do not start your sentences with "but" as that is a connecting word. More effective opening words that you could have considered for the concluding sentence are: "although, however, or nevertheless". Any of those words would have helped your essay close on a much stronger final sentence presentation.  
  
Overall, you properly developed your discussions and connected the 2 discussion references in the same paragraph in a fluid manner. Good work. You have shown significant improvement in your overall writing presentation. There are still problems that could pull down your score but I am confident that you will be able to improve in those areas over the coming days.