dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## IELTS Writing Task 1: Bar chart

  
  
**The chart below shows the total number of Olympic medals won by twelve different countries.  
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
Given is the graph providing the comparison of twelve different nations in terms of the number of medals that they have achieved in Olympic events.  
  
Overall, the USA is the country with the highest number of medals whereas the lowest belongs to Japan. It is also noticeable that the proportion of gold, silver and bronze medals won by any particular nation tend to be fairly similar.  
  
The USA has won a total of around 2300 medals, which is more than twice the reward attained by the second-best country, Soviet Union. American athletes have achieved about 900 gold, 750 silver, and 650 bronze medals. Similarly, the number of gold medals won by the Soviet Union is marginally higher than the number of silver or bronze medals (400, 350 and 350, respectively).  
  
As for the ten remaining countries, while the figures for the total medals won by Uk, France, Germany, and Italy are more than 500, those of other nations are all bellow 500, with the lowest recorded in Japan at about 400 medals. In addition, the number of gold medals attained by China is approximately double that of silver medals.
@trinhyennhi  
Welcome to the forum. It's always nice to see new people dropping by here. I hope that you learn something from the site as you scroll and read through all of the details here.  
  
Firstly, just the introductory paragraph sitting like that in the beginning doesn't appear to be appealing. It also doesn't tell a good amount about what the text truly entails. What I would primarily suggest is trying to incorporate a beginning analysis to this portion to ensure that you are delivering the right amount of content.  
  
Furthermore, you should be cautious of your usage of punctuation marks, especially when it comes to the lack of commas. Remember that pauses should be in place where there are natural patterns in writing.
## Shopping as the main activity

  
  
It's true that many people think the shopping centres are the wonderful places to spend free time or meet friends. This essay shows you the disadvantages and effect on spend almost leisure time at shopping malls  
  
Although shopping centres play important roles to providing goods conveniently to customers, they have negative effects on people. Modern malls are great places to get something we need such as food, drink, house stuffs. In addiction, they also have space for coffee shops, restaurants, theatre and children's space so that everyone can relax their time. As a result of this attraction, people can be addicted doing shopping. Even they can waste money on something they do not need, this lead to they will have depts.  
  
In a further view, young people are more negative since they spend much time at malls instead of doing sports or joining classes. Time for improving their social skills is reduced day by day. So their brain does not have condition to develop positive thinking, ideas.  
  
With regard to children, letting them go to malls to enjoy or get fast foods usually can make their habitat. They don't dedicate to gain knowledge or develop physically. This will affect their health and their education  
  
To conclusion, people can entertain at malls but it is not perfect places to enjoy their time.  
-------  
Please help me check my grammar  
I am a beginner
Hello @jane4455!  
  
**Firstly**, you should paraphrase the question in the first sentence in your first paragraf. i see you have done it but it is not perfect yet. "...~~It's true that~~ it's often argue of many people that the shopping centres ..."  
  
**Secondly**, the second sentence of your first paragraph should answer clearly the question are you agree or disagree by giving outline trough general reason  
  
Then, to get high band score it needs minimum 250 words. Moreover, it better if both body paragraphs explain specifically about your reason.
## GRE Issue Topic

  
  
**"All too often, companies hire outside consultants to suggest ways for the company to operate more efficiently. If companies were to spend more time listening to their own employees, such consultants would be unnecessary."**  
  
Since inception of consultants in today's era, organizations seek advice from consultants to run more smoothly. However, some people belives that consultants becomes redunant, when companies spent more time in suggestions and advices from work-force. I agree to some extent that prefrence in hiring consultants shound be given more priority.  
  
Firstly, Orginazations seeking higher productivity and effecient working policy requires consultants, as they play major role in the growth of companies. Consulting firms works based on new reseaches and invention in the market. consultants are profound in new marketing strategies, policies and effective planning and strategy.For instance, stanley morgan(renowned consulting firm) works with major multi-national companies for their growth and increasing capabilities in market.  
  
Secondly, Consultants also help organizations in attaining new heights. Consultants helps them to create monoploy in the market. Industries facing tough time situation in market can be booned by a consultant. To exemplify, companies launch new products and services by creating a different organization within itself, to target different category of audience.  
  
Thirdly, advertisement plays a major role in today's technological era. Consultants with the help of media creates innovative and effecient advertisements in paper or digital form to captivate the targeted audience. Consultants helps organization in creating fruitful future by stock listing comapany, to make investors invest in organization.  
  
However, it becomes essential to take suggestion and advices from workers, as they create a huge impact on company. Employees believe that such consulatnts creates burden for the employee. Workforce mental and physical health in working enviorment are denied by consultants. Moreover, there are chances of losing their jobs from the decision of comappany suggested by consultants.  
  
Therefore, employees should only be given priority upto some extent. company hiring a consultants after giving paying hefty amounts, given moore prefrence.Organization is greater benefited from consultants, who is profund in dealing such complicated issues.
@techmicro  
Hi Techmicro,  
  
There are few things I'd like to comments on your essay. First, I've noticed the errors in capitalization in 1st and 2nd paragraph: Organization and consultant (they should be organization and Consultant). Second, it would be attractive to the reader if you could your concluding sentence at the end of body paragraphs to restate the main parts of your ideas.  
  
Hope it's helpful.  
  
Cheers,  
  
Sineang
## trends of us energy productions

  
  
The line graph illustrates the proportion of US energy being produced and consumed from 1950 to 2000, together with the prediction in 2025. It is divided into 3 stages of 25 years.  
  
Overall, there is an onward trend in these two figures over 75 years, during which the energy consumption rate outweighed the amount that America produced.  
  
With regards to energy production, the period of time between 1950 and 1975 saw a substantial rise from 25 to 60 units. After 1975, however, the number fluctuated and only increased a mere 5% in 2000. It is predicted to be followed by a less considerable increase until it reached 80 units in 2025.  
  
The consumption rate, on the other hand, had a more constant increase. Although it followed the same pattern to the other during the first 25 years, the trend returned to its former speed after fluctuation. 90 units of energy was used up in 2000, and the number may jump enormously to 130 in 2025.
@athachng2002  
Thanks for being here once more. I'm here again to give you feedback on your writing. I'm hope this somehow helps you. Beforehand, please do note that you should try to always include the graph when you're writing for feedback.  
  
The first paragraph's structure is a bit excessive with the attached phrase. Try to incorporate this phrase to the general chunk of the sentence - instead of it being wide in the open. Doing this will certainly help your writing appear more put-together.  
  
The rest of the essay appears to be quite alright. What I only would push forward from this point would be to try to rephrase your wording in a way that'll be increasingly beneficial for the readers. For instance, the last paragraph's first sentence was quite an odd match. Instead of saying it was "a more constant increase," you could have said that it was "a consistent increase." Notice how more relevant the latter is over the former.
*## Activity: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

  
**People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment-doing things they like to do-rather than doing things they should do.  
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.***  
  
My essay:  
  
Today we live in a society that time is one of the most important things that can't be purchased, and there is no enough time for personal enjoyment. Consequently, I disagree with the idea that people spend too much time on recreation because we live stressed and complain about the lack of time.  
  
First of all, most people have a lot of responsibilities and have not enough time for themselves, which causes stress and anxiety. These psychological illnesses have increased enormously for the last decades, studies report. There are many possible reasons to explain this phenomenon. One of the main factors could be the lack of recreational activities in everyday life, together with the overloaded agenda that workers have. For instance, let's think about a Geology university professor. He must prepare classes, field trips, working in his research, meetings with students and other professors, etc. It is very likely that in addition to his established work schedule, he has to work at home. On weekdays, after college, there is no much enough time to do an activity, because he also has to take care of his children and do domestic tasks. Maybe, on the weekends, he has more time for personal enjoyment. However, he might work on some tasks related to college or other things that he should do for the house or family. Consequently, he may be stress and feel anxiety due to his overloaded agenda.  
  
Second, people are always complaining about the lack of time. This is mainly because people do not have time to do many leisure activities. For example, in my country, Chile, there is a controversy because there is a law proposed to reduce the legal amount of working hours. Those who support this initiative states that Chileans are working too many hours and do not have time for family and friends. According to research conducted by the University of Chile, people think that they do not spend enough time with their family and friends, which affects the population's mental health and productivity. Moreover, if people spent more time doing leisure activities such as working out, painting, singing; there would be higher rates of personal satisfaction.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that people do not have enough time for entertainment because they have too many things to do at work and because of the constant complaints about the lack of time for recreation.  
  
- - -  
Please give me feedback. Thank you.
@danisepari  
Welcome here. I'm here to provide you with feedback. Hopefully, this would make sense and help you in your learning endeavors. Don't hesitate to approach us if you have more questions.  
  
Firstly, the written work itself is quite put-together. I appreciate how finely you've managed to connect all of the details, making the entire writing flow smoothly.  
  
I do, however, find that certain smaller details can still be improved upon. Consider, for instance, the last sentence of the first paragraph. The end phrasing appeared to be too bold and excessive, not what you would want for an academic essay. I suggest rephrasing it to something that would come off as a bit milder.  
  
Furthermore, the second paragraph suffered from the extensive usage of details. I always mention this to others, but, it truly is helpful if you compartmentalize and prioritize which details are actually necessary - and which ones you do not particularly need. If you are able to do this, you can reduce the bulkiness of the essay and focus only on what's important.
## talent or effort?

  
  
There is some debate that to what degree are famous musician or athlete born with natural talents or it could be trained to become successful ones. I'm going to shed some lights in both points of view and extend my partial support to the former view.  
  
It appears to me that inherent talent plays an important role in training progress to become a successful person in sport and artist. According to a scientific research, gene contributes 50% in practicing of a trainer. For instance, athlete who get physical ability can endure virtually high intensive process than normal person and also evolve rapidly after the same period of time. It is by all means that artist such as singer, actor, actress nearly need to innate talent in order to start the interest in this area. Singer needs excellent voice, artist need emotion of drawing and actor needs soulful eyes. All of them couldn't be taught or practiced, that is natural.  
  
Conversely, It's struggle to get remarkable progress and achievement whether people don't try their best. 70% of feat are due to a hard training and patience. Although you were born with talent, you can't get to the final stage of career if you don't practice. Nothing is impossible when people reach their limits so that never give up despite the later beginning. Humble starter sometimes can emerge than inherent genius  
  
To conclude, Genius is not only natural-born talent, but also need willing to reach to the top of life known as long endurance. However, it is more effortless for natural ability to become distinguished features.  
  
I'm practicing for IELTS test. Please check my essay and make comment. Thank you
@futasodi  
Hi. Good luck with your IELTS! I hope that receiving this feedback would help motivate you as well to do your best in the upcoming tests.  
  
The first paragraph is quite confusing. From the first sentence, it was quite unclear what you were trying to say. To avoid having these rather confusing compositions, I highly recommend that you try to shorten and simplify your writing a little bit more. This will help you pick up a pace for your writing.  
  
Furthermore, the second paragraph's overall structure is quite daunting. While it's alright to have citations on the second sentence, it becomes off-putting if its correlation with the first sentence is unclear. Try to gradually place these types of data to avoid this issue.
## University qualifications

  
  
*Some people think that university qualifications will lead to a secure future while others believe that soft skills will lead to success at work.  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.*  
  
Heading to the future, the young people always comes into consideration of whether they should gain a tertiary education or equip themselves with soft skills to achieve great success in working. These both sides have been a controversial issue that I would analyze in my essay.  
  
It is commonly thought that university graduates were educated with the professional field in a certain industry, hence, they can work to some extent even they have a little of working experience. It is undeniable that post - graduated students with a strong degree of which is included the professional and in-depth knowledge will have many opportunities to be recruited with well-paying jobs. For instance, some global entrepreneurs require university qualifications acting as the prerequisites for the job recruitment.  
  
However, it is also thought that soft skills such as time management, conflict solvability, relationship ... play a crucial role leading to success in the field of working. The fact proves that in working environment, many qualifications are in need of being tackled with soft skills owing to issues of interpersonal relationship. To exemplify, when you are in charge of one task in new teamwork in which you have not been acquainted with the others before, your adaptability skill is essential to get on well with every members in the group to reach the utmost target.  
  
Along with the variety of reasons above, university graduate is essential for academic jobs while soft skills and experience are more useful in vocation and business. In my point of view, basically, the university qualifications are of importance, however I always aware of enhancing my soft skills to get better on job.
@tranglv80  
Seeing as you're new here, welcome. I'm here to give you feedback on this essay.  
  
Firstly, the intention behind the first paragraph was quite good. The execution, however, can still be improved. Consider shortening your lines to create more structure. This will also improve the readability of your text - something that is often missed out by people when they write.  
  
Furthermore, the transition between your paragraphs alongside the general flow of the essay is quite messy. I would heavily recommend that you summarize how the flow is going to be in the first paragraph. This will help readers understand the formatting and structure a little bit better.  
  
Try to also ensure that your text is purely academic. Evade adding (for instance, the ellipsis) unnecessary details that do not really contribute to the text itself and the substance. Doing this can help you strengthen your writing to the core.
Help me to get 7 band score  
  
*Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children)  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?*  
  
## Social Community (IELST Task 2)

  
  
Several people argue that a part of secondary school programs should be input social job for free because it will teach them about social interaction and how to appreciate life. I totally agree that it is good as obligation to apply in extracurricular for demonstrating what workplace look like is.  
  
To do voluntary activity will bring good effects for teenagers. It gives them more experiences to interact with community and makes them understand about real life which is not always easily to be through. For example, my niece participated charity effort during summer holiday when she was senior high school. Initially, she had no responsibility and did not care about common situation because their parent was often indulging her, after following this event she became more responsible and had sympathy as well as empathy to others.  
  
In addition, educating young generation to be involved in citizen lead them to be more sensitive in their surrounding. They learn that helping other is not always to be awarded by money. Charity programs such as working improving local circumstance, teaching younger pupils, helping elderly people provide the participants not only new knowledge and skills, but also a sense of community and giving information about job market experience requirement. This way, school does not merely give theory but practical lesson also is applied.  
  
To sum up, there are more beneficial of participating in community service as a part of school programs because it provides many acknowledge about social life, helping people, as well as workplace situation.
Hi @Masrurotin,  
  
The first question I want to ask:" Do you think your sentences are way too long?" I mean, you can shorten it and make it more easy to understand, without including too much unnecessary information. Let take your 1st argument as an example. I'll write:" It gives them the opportunity to interact with the community and hence adopt a sense of real life."  
  
Secondly, your ideas are kind of vague and too broad, so I don't think I can distinguish between the 2 benefits you mentioned. Try to be more specific and straightforward.  
  
Lastly, examples. The first one is rather too long, just paraphrase it and add more supporting sentences. That would be more persuasive.  
  
Don't worry, these mistakes are supposedly easy to be fixed, so keep on working more and be open to feedback. Oh, you also should read to **band descriptors** to know how your essays are marked, and then you know what aspects you need to improve.  
  
Good luck with your journey!
## teaching how to be good members of the society

  
  
*Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of the society. Others, however, believe that the school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give own opinion.*  
  
A massive number of people state that parents have pivotal role for teaching their pupils to become responsible society members, while others refuse and claim school is the appropriate place for it. Although, the latter argue it as school has precise learning surrounding, I believe that parents have longer time to control and teach their children.  
  
First of all, it is generally known that school is a place to enhance not only about academic skills but also emotional ability. In the school a student would find friends coming from different backgrounds and they will be united in the class. Hence, this method will give students knowledge about importance of respect and emphatic each other's. Moreover, sometimes teachers give group assignments for students to conduct together which it teaches them specifically about a power of togetherness as well as responsibilities. Thus students will be a good society member if they can assimilate these values comprehensively. Unfortunately, schools are limited by time to run the system.  
  
However, some experts argue that parents have huge responsibility to educate their children because they have much time to guide and demonstrate directly about collective values to their surroundings. Taking for example, when I was child, my father used to ask me to join social activities in my residence area, then today I have understood well about social responsibilities. I also known about the importance of giving cause my mother has given me a good example; she allocates a part of her revenue to unfortunate people in my town. Then, it is valued that parental education is holistic way to develop about social values.  
  
To conclude, I re-state again that children have much benefits to learn about social life through their parents than school.
@Ali20  
Hi! Thanks for being here once more. I hope this feedback is helpful for your learning endeavors. If it is, don't hesitate to approach us at all times when you need someone to assess your writing.  
  
The first paragraph is quite well-done. It was structured, had the necessary and appropriate content, and was able to explain why the essay will turn out the way that it does.  
  
What I do suggest, however, is trying to make concise your second paragraph. It was quite notable how your writing had been a bit messy during this section because of jumping too quickly between point A and point B. If you're trying to tackle about the emotional portion that one can gather from academic institutions, try to also maintain that as a general direction. The last portions of the paragraph had also been focusing too much on a generalized approach to the topic.