dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Should universities accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject?

  
  
With the appearance of the feminist movement, females in recent decades have been treated as equal as males. This supports the idea that universities should ensure a completely equitable distribution of students in every subject. While this might seem to be a practical suggestion at first, I am strongly against this proposal for certain reasons.  
  
Firstly, this seems to be unrealistic when an overview of the variation of the gender ratio across the world has shown the number of males relative to females is male-biased in almost every country, this ratio is around 105 males per 100 females. This means it is impossible for universities to arrange an exactly equal number of boys and girls into every major. Otherwise, if this situation is capable of implementation, the arrangement is unfair for both. In each subject, every university has a quantity of entry-level, the entrance of students will be decided by their total points, and obviously, it is filtered from top to bottom, the higher of scores, the higher of chances a student matriculates. However, in the case of being equal in males and females, for example, if a girl with a higher mark than a boy, to ensure a balanced number of boys and girls in one class, forcing the university to choose the boy instead of another one. This is actually unacceptable.  
  
Besides, not every man and woman is suited to all the majors based on their overall abilities and interests. For instance, some science subjects are mainly not done well by women, such as mathematics, computer science, technology, and other fields of knowledge, which are totally dominated by males. Despite the noticeable progress that has been achieved in acknowledging that men and women both can be capable in science, female employees may still face evident discrimination in male-dominated work environments. Therefore, it is challenging for women to compete with men in such fields. Similarly, it is hard for male students to learn embroidery as it is for female students to study anatomy. As this shows, it is right to expect boys and girls to have separate academic pursuits and choose their majors on their own.  
  
To conclude, I must affirm once again, it is neither realistic nor necessary to accept equal numbers of males and females in universities. Labeling this opinion as "a symbol of fairness" totally cannot be supported.
The writer will lose points for not properly restating the simple, one liner topic sentence as provided. The first paragraph should not have more sentences than the original. It should also save the point of view discussion for the reasoning paragraphs since only an opinion with thesis statement is required for the paragraph. Since the thesis statement is not present, full points cannot be given as a preliminary score.  
  
The test requires the student to intelligently discuss a topic within 3-5 sentences per paragraph. This is a conversational rather than academic paper afterall. While this essay is well within qualified reasoning, the writer has to focus more on concise writing, as if answering within a class verbal discussion instead. That is why there is a writing time limit.  
  
As a test essay this is well-written but over-discussed. As such it is in danger of losing out on point increases and might receive penalties instead.
***SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE GOVERNMENT SHOULD SPEND MONEY ON BUILDING TRAIN AND SUBWAY LINES TO REDUCE TRAFFIC CONGESTION.  
OTHERS THINK THAT BUILDING MORE AND WIDER ROADS IS THE BETTER WAY TO REDUCE TRAFFIC CONGESTION.***  
## DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION.

  
  
People today argue that government should concentrate on train lines in order to reduce traffic congestion, while others believe that building more wide roads make sense. In my opinion, though building more roads is an effective way, spending on rail and subway systems seems to solve the problem.  
  
On the one hand, the case for building more roads is that it will meet transportation need in a country. Firstly, the transportation industry plays an important role in the development of a country, if the transport sector makes progress, the country will quickly develop into a modern industrial city. Secondly, this method is likely to a permanent solution in terms of adapting the number of transportations in both urban cities and countrysides. For instance, when people incomes have been improved, they tend to acquire personal vehicles such as cars and motorbikes so that they can go to work more easily instead of waiting for a bus or a taxi, which lead to a higher volume of traffic and numerous vehicles; consequently, government take responsibility for building highways to fix this issue.  
  
On the other hand, I would side with those who think that increasing investment in rail and subway lines is more practical. The trains are faster, cheaper and more convenient in terms of encouraging citizens to give up their private means so that traffic jam is not enlarged. Japan, for example, has one of the best metro network over the world; as a result, the traffic congestion does not happen much in this country.  
  
In conclusion, government should prioritize expenditure on rail and metro networks rather than constructing more roads to see decline in high-traffic areas.
**(IELTS WRITING TASK 2)**  
  
***Some people think that an international sports event is suitable for a country, while some people think it is bad.***  
## Discuss both views and state your opinion.

  
  
My essay:  
  
Numerous citizens believe that conducting international sporting events can bring many benefits to their own nation, whereas others think the opposite way. In my opinion, it is reasonable for those who side with the latter idea, but I totally agree with the former one because there are advantages for aspects including tourism, people in the local area could be earned from the event.  
  
On the one hand, an international event needs a huge amount of money to organize. It means that the government has to rely on resources such as the national budget which is mostly collected through taxes. As a result, many people might think it would be more efficient to focus on education as well as the public transport or sewage system. For example, the Sea games, which were hosted by VietNam the last year, cost over 500 billion VND, while in every rainy season, lots of cities in VietNam are flooded. Furthermore, many indoor sporting areas built for the event might be left unused because the next Sea games will be hosted by another country.  
  
On the other hand, on a global stage, an international event is a great opportunity for a nation to promote its culture, tourism, and so on. This is due to the fact that athletes and interviewers from various countries will be invited and join the event. From this, they will advertise and introduce what they are interested in. Besides, businesses of local citizens living around areas for the event could also boost their revenue as there are more tourists or travelers who want to behold how athletes compete in the stadium.  
  
In conclusion, international sports events could consume a lot of money, however, it could be compensated by other values such as national finance and the image of the country.
This type of prompt asks the writer to consider 3 things:  
- Why does the public support the opinion? (Supporting explanation)  
- What does he think about the public opinion (personal opinion: Support or non-support)  
- Why does he see the public opinion that way? (Explanation)  
  
Based on the current writing, I cannot say that the writer actually considered the public vs, his personal opinion. That is because there is a lack of proper 3rd and 1st person pronoun usage in the essay. There needs to be a demarcation between opinions in each paragraph through pronoun usage otherwise, the general opinion presentation could be considered only of the writer's personal point of view. Keep in mind that this is a comparative essay of the public v, personal kind and such, must be reflected that was in each paragraph.  
  
The reasoning provided is sound and acceptable but, unclear with regards to who is actually thinking and presenting these opinions. Each paragraph needs to represent 2 opinions as previously described.
**These days consumers are faced with an increasing amount of advertising from various companies.  
To what extent do you think consumers are influenced by advertising?  
What measures should be taken to protect them?  
Write at least 250 words.**  
  
In this day and age, most brands have numerous strategies to promote their products, especially through various forms of advertisements. This makes consumers face an increase in the amount of daily advertising. I personally believe that this propensity is both advantageous and disadvantageous to consumers. Therefore, solutions must be taken in time in order to protect customers from detrimental sides.  
  
To commence with, advertisements from companies could have some positive impacts on the customers. Since advertising programs provide consumers with a variety of products and brands, these consumers could have a wide range of choices when purchasing their items. In other words, the increase in advertising nowadays has met many consumers' matters of taste. This development, however, can be a harmful influence on the customers. The more advertising is put out, the more customers would face false advertisements. These untrue advertisements would give consumers incorrect information about the items they purchase, which can make the consumers waste their money on products with unpleased qualities.  
  
In order to protect consumers from unexpected consequences, governmental institutions had better implement more appropriate policies to stop the increase in untrue advertisements. One measure for this is that we would fine heavily companies or brands' untrue advertisements and even place a permanent sales ban on these items. Next, customers should be aware of the drawbacks of purchasing their products through advertising programs. They should make wise decisions when buying an item. Thus, taking the price and quality of the products into consideration is a must for everyone.  
  
In conclusion, the increase in the amount of advertising has brought consumers both beneficial and harmful influences. Therefore, measures to prevent customers from negative sides should be taken and this responsibility belongs to the government and each individual.  
  
(290 words)
**The graph below shows the number of tourists visiting a particular Caribbean island between 2010 and 2017.  
Summerize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
Please check my writing! Million thanks!  
  
## the figure of visitors in the Carribean

  
  
The line chart illustrates the figure of visitors each year from 2010 to 2017 in a Caribbean island.  
  
Overall, the total number of people choosing the island as a holiday destination was almost always on a strong rise throughout the years. However, there were some differences in the trend between the tourists spending their time on cruise ships and those who chose to stay on the mainland.  
  
In 2010, the number of visitors staying on the island was about 0.75 million, three times that of those staying on cruise ships. For the next three years, the former figure doubled to one and a half million, while the latter only saw slight fluctuations from a quarter to half a million.  
  
From 2013 to 2017, the rate of people enjoying their time on the island witnessed a complete standstill at its old peak, it even dipped a little in 2016 before coming back to its previously constant record of 1.5 million in 2017. On the other hand, a remarkable upward trend happened to the number of visitors spending time on ships. In contrast to its stagnancy in the first three years, there was an increase by at least 0.5 and at most 1 million annually of this figure. In 2016 and 2017, the number finally surpassed its counterpart and reached a peak record of 2 million visitors.  
  
*
This is not a task 2 essay. It is a task 1 essay of 150-200 words. With 225 words written, the writer has not done his sectional scores any favors. He has opened himself up to scoring deductions based on avoidable errors that would not have occurred had he not over written the task report / analysis. He must learn how to write shorter but comprehensible paragraphs to meet that requirement. I believe that this error happended because he used numerical word references in some aspects rather than just indicated the digit or numerical symbols for the numbers. Remember that editing, rewriting, and final formatting must be accomplished within 20 minutes. So what will be considered is the quality of writing provided rather than the word count or complexity of word usage. The task 1 essay does not need to be verbose.  
  
its old peak  
Which was? The writer is over describing the images instead of using direct descriptive words. He focused only on word usage in the hopes of creating a passing essay. Rather, his overuse of descriptive words rather than concise infomation sharing proved to be a problem for his essay. He exaggerated references, over stated facts, and clearly, tried to provide a vocabulary test rather than a reporting essay.
Please check my writing! Million thanks!  
  
## SUMMARISE THE INFORMATION FROM THE GRAPHS

  
  
The line charts illustrate the alteration in the possession of electric appliances and the quantity of time spent on housework in family in one nation from 1920 to 2019.  
  
It is clear that the percentages of households with electrical devices, namely washing machines, refrigerators, and vacuum cleaners, saw upward trends in the time survey, while the number of hours of housework per week, per household, saw an opposite tendency during the research period.  
  
Initially, in 1920, the rate of families owning washing machines made up highest, stood at 40%, whereas the figure for vacuum cleaners was slightly lower, at 30%, compared to almost no refrigerator-owning households. After about 100 years, in 2019, there were significant rises of roughly 100% and 70% to both 100% in the ratios of owning refrigerators and vacuum cleaners in households. Meanwhile, the rate of the possession of washing machines also saw a rapid increase to roughly 75%.  
  
However, the amount of time expenditure on housework weekly per family experienced a dramatic fall. To specify, in 1920, an average family needed 50 hours each week to do housework, while up to 2019, they just spent medium 10 hours on housework in a week.  
  
*
There is a lack of clarity in the summary overview. While the writer properly identified the image provided and used the plural reference form for it, he forgot that along with the plural form comes the numerical indicative form for each image. That means, 2 sentences identifying the image information would have been needed to complete the summary. A proper indicator would have been:  
  
*2 line graphs have been provided for comparison. The first line graph covers information regarding the households that own electricity consuming gadgets, while the second graph considers housework hours rendered by families over 7 day periods. The percentages measurements for both groups were completed over a period of almost a century (1929-2019). Trending for the images indicate that ownership ... As for manpower hours, the measurements show a high of... and a low of...*  
  
By properly identifying the images, separating the information provided, and allowing for a concise trending presentation, the full requirements for scoring the summary overview + trending statement would have been provided. The above version is an example of a concise and preliminary high scoring TA paragraph.  
  
After about 100 years  
Wrong time frame indicator. It is one year less than a hundred years and should have been indicated as such. Take note of how I referenced the same in the sample above.  
  
Paragraph sentence uniformity is a must for clear and easily understandable paragraphs. Always write 3-5 sentences. Any less cannot be scored as a complete paragraph consideration.
Question:  
  
**Individuals can do nothing to improve the environment; only governments and large companies can make a difference.  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Here is my answer:  
  
In today's world, the environment is becoming more of a problem, since if we don't take action, the very environment that is protecting us shalll be slowly exhausted, and we will have to face terrible consequences, such as out of food and water as well as several different diseases. While this problem affecs the world on a very big scale, I disagree that the problem should be left to only large corporations and governments,  
  
What would happen if individuals stopped caring for the environment, for they believed that the giant companies and authorities will solve it for them? The results will be catastrophic, since the population that does not care about their environment can create massive pollution in many different areas, such as using cars and motorbikes that released large amounts of harmful chemicals into the air in cities or throwing their garbage down rivers and lakes, which will end up polluting the water and killing all the creatures. Handling all of these will not be simple, and will take much more time and resources than simply a day's work.  
  
So with the aforementioned harmful effects, the average person should help improve the environment, but even though the problem seems tricky, it is surprisingly simple. One thing that everyone can do is to start using less products made of plastic and other undecomposable materials, since they damage the environment the most and is very hard to be handled properly. Another is to plant more trees since they can reduce the air pollution that is caused mainly by harmful carbon dioxide by the photosynthesis process, which replaces the harmful carbon dioxide with oxygen.  
  
In conclusion, while I think that the corporations and governments has the resources and time to help the environment, individuals should also take part in the process to reduce the load on the former and make big changes from a lot of small changes.  
  
*What is the approximated IELTS band score of this essay, and what are its mistakes and fixes? What can I do to improve it? Thanks for your help!*
***Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world.  
Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.***  
## Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

  
  
Sharing information helps people gain more understanding in a variety of fields such as business, science and academic world, but not all the information is freely shared because of its importance and value. There are many people agree with one of two views, but pesonally I think both views are partly.  
  
It is understandable why some people think that a wide range of information should be shared widely about different areas of life. First, people could know more about academic world, pros and cons of scientific development to the environment and business investment for investors, so that people could apply their knowledge about those fields to protect our environment and get the most profit for themselves. However, some details such as how to make coca cola, or some crazy discoveries of people in process of scientific research and the academic world are too important and valuable. If that ìnormation is not kept confidentai, people will become confused and the world will be in chaos, so some people believe that those details could not shared freely with the others who do not work or analysis about those areas.  
  
In my opinion, I think information about scientific research business and academic world should be shared with people in a selective way. The details shared need to be interesting, new and easy to understand, without confusing the recipients. Besides, valuable and important information for an individual or organization conducting in-depth research in various fields should be kept confidential to prevent others from stealing ideas and achievements of those individuals and organizations, also avoid bewilderment for those who have no expertise in these areas.
The prompt restatement will receive a failing preliminary score because of 2 reasons:  
1. It does not clearly and individually restate the 2 given public opinions;  
2. The writer's opinion is an incomplete presentation. Partly what?  
  
Based on these 2 errors, the writer cannot receive a passing mark for the paragraph due to the confusing sentence structure and information presentation. It will also receive a failing preliminary GRA score due to the confusion reading the paragraph will cause the examiner. At this point, the exam taker no longer has a chance of passing the test due to the additional score deductions that will be applied per section for each paragraph he has written.  
  
Actually, the essay will receive an automatic failing score due to the improper formatting present. There is no concluding paragraph in the last part of the essay so the summary conclusion is missing. It is also just a 3 paragraph essay when the requirement for this prompt is a 4-5 paragraph discussion. I am afraid the writer does not understand how to properly format a Task 2 essay and how to write the paragraphs based on the writing instructions. That is why this essay failed.  
  
He can easily learn how to write these essays by reading the sample essays as this forum. He can familiarize himself with the writing requirements and learn from the mistakes made by others and the corrections provided to them. After he learns more about how to approach the writing test, he can try to write another practice essay for review in this forum.
***In some countries, if people need to find work, they have to move away from their families and their friends.  
## Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?***  
  
It is indeed that in some parts of the world these days, individuals need to relocate away from their families and friends to seek employment opportunities. While this trend is beneficial in some ways, there are more compelling reasons why the drawbacks of this outweigh the benefits.  
  
On the one hand, people's decisions to move to another country for a living is plausible for some reasons. It is a widespread belief that prosperous countries may provide people with higher-paid jobs. Since these countries have better developed-economy, there will be more corporations and developed companies with good financial backgrounds, which allows them to offer employees high salaries. In some developing countries like Nigeria, for example, residents may be unable to earn their living, so they move to France in search of well-paying employment, after which they can send money home if employed.  
  
On the other hand, the movement of people to be far away from their relatives and friends for job prospects has numerous adverse impacts. Local people may maintain prejudices and discriminate against migrant workers, making it harder for them to integrate into society; one example is racism against African and Asian citizens in many wealthy nations, such as the United States and some European countries. Another disadvantage is that working conditions in the host nations may be inadequate. As a result, labourers may have to work in hazardous and unhealthy environments, which can be detrimental to their health in the long run.  
  
In conclusion, while the trend of people moving away from family and friends to find employment opportunities has certain advantages, it also has more considerable problems. It is recommended that individuals make every effort to find work in their neighbourhoods.