dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
*The topic: Is is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.  
  
To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?  
What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children.*  
  
## punishment will guide you what's wrong

  
  
Here my essay, thank you for your feedback  
  
learning to distinguish between the right and wrong at an early age is very essential for children. It's very necessary for parents and teacher to teach them how to learn the different between right a and wrong. They should use suggestion or advice firstly, then punishing their children if they keep doing mistake. Punishments should not affect a children negatively.  
  
Nowadays,children are more sensite to surroundings and electronic media as they easily get exposed to such media. Getting exposed to external environment has both advantages and disadvantages so we can't prevent them from outdoor world. This makes teaching children the difference between right and wrong become important.At an early age, children will be very interested in getting exposed to an outside world or society. Thus, they imitate what they see and sometimes these actions are negative. To avoid that punishment is the best way as fear of punishment make children stay away from many wrong things. An example, my brother usually plays game and doesn't finish his homework.Finally, he got bad result of first semester. My mom asks him to finish homework everyday and allows him to play games only at weekend after his homework has done.  
  
On the other hand, punishment shouldn't affect badly on children's physic and mentality. For instance, Japanese children are made to plant trees as a punishment by their parents. Many schools in India punish students by asking them to run few kilometers. Such punishment are constructive for children's health and society as well.  
  
To conclude, i strongly believe that children should learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age and punishment is one of the effective ways to guide them learn this distinction. However, parents and teachers must use positive and constructive punishment to show them the right path.
D, the format of your essay is incorrect. You do not place the degree of your agreement at the end of the essay. You need to place that at the beginning of the essay as part of the paraphrasing of the question provided. You should have said:  
  
*Youngsters should learn the difference between correct and incorrect actions early in life. Some people believe that the best way to teach this lesson is by disciplining them. I do not agree with this form of lesson because there are other ways by which good behavior may be taught to children.*  
  
The response goes at the start of the essay because the rest of the body paragraphs should explain why you support that point of view and how you think the lessons and discipline should be administered. All threshed out within 2 paragraphs of 5 sentences each. The reasoning paragraphs can be divided as:  
  
*Par. 2 - Reason for disagreement  
Par. 3 - Alternative punishments or forms of teaching obedience*  
  
Your essay seems to be focused only on the discussion of the alternate forms of punishment. It does not try to convince the reader that there is no need for punishment first. That is the main focus of this discussion and a whole paragraph should be allotted to that discussion alone. You need to learn how to identify what sort of discussions are required based on the prompt requirements, then provide that discussion and any other discussion required. You cannot focus only on the part of the discussion that you feel confident about discussing. When you discuss one aspect but little discuss the other, you will end up with very low TA and C&C scores. Therefore, a balanced discussion of each required topic is required.
## A gigantic water bucket

  
  
A Treacherous Trip to Ratchaprapa Dam for most travelers, Ratchaprapa dum may be a favorite place travel, but it is nothing but a treacherous gigantic water bucket, which has killed many people, for me. To begin with, my family decided to have a wonderful trip to Ratchaprapa dam, and it was delightful t see. When I see the dam for the first time, I can look at these sapphire water and verdant humongous mountains, which major part of them wave downed under the dam, with out blinking. At the horizon of sky, there wave groups of gloomy cloud gathering in distant. After that, we had to put on these stinky orange life jackets before we immediately cruised to our rooms due to the drizzle. While we were cruising to the rafts, I notice that my life jacket's belt was tear apart by an old rusty, nail hanged on the boat's pillar, but I didn't give much attention to it due to my swimming skill. Finally, I fell in to the water, and I was almost sent to heaven. Due to the face that the boat were intensively shaken by a immense tide, I fell into almost 100 meter deep water , and my jacket had already floated away from me. In the water, it was dark, quiet, and chilly; I almost lost my consciousness, and I felt like there were lot of invisible hands that tried to drag me down to the bottom of the dam; however, I gathered my remaining strength, and I use every last breath from my feeble body to struggle myself up to the surface; therefore, I barely survive from the dam's slaughter. To conclude, Ratchaprapa dam may have an alluring scenario, but if the travelers are careless, then it can be fatal at the same time.
Thaksanpaphon, please remember that you use the determiner "an" before any word that starts with a vowel or vowel sound. You made that mistake in this essay when you said "... by a immense tide." Then there is the subject-verb agreement situation in the essay where you said "... boat were intensively shaken" when it should have been "was intensively...". You also forgot to hyphenate your essay when presenting connected reference words like "100-meter-deep" in your writing. I am also not sure if you meant to say "dum" or "dam" in this essay. You also need to brush up on the use of connecting words such as when you said "favorite place travel". The correct presentation is "favorite place TO travel." You need to familiarize yourself with similar sounding words in English. " with out" is different from "without". "With out" means in the absence of while "without" means to be deprived of.  
  
Most of your errors in this essay are related to word confusion on your part. Something that can be corrected once you better understand the meaning of similar sounding, but different meaning words. You also need to remember that timelines are important when writing narratives such as these. So you either write about the present ( I notice you are not wearing a jacket) or the past (I noticed my life jacket belt was...) To correct these errors, you need to keep on reading English materials and writing in English. Downloading the English grammar apps will also help you with your grammar lessons and it can also provide you with useful practice tasks to help you put your lessons into actual use. Your errors should diminish as you become more adept at writing in English.
"In recent years, many countries have become extremely concerned about the increase in crimes committed by young people. Tough measures and strict punishments are necessary to stop the youth from re-offending.  
  
Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Write an essay (about 250 words) to express your opinion."  
  
I will sit for the IELTS test in February 2019. Hope you can give me advices and score on my essay.  
Many thanks.  
  
## a tougher punishment should be considered

  
  
Over the last few decades, there has been a dramatic spate of crimes carried out by the youth that called for more serious and severe punishment in order to ameliorate the situation. Personally, I strongly advocate for applying harsher actions to these cases.  
  
Firstly, as a consequence, recidivism is more thoroughly eliminated. After experiencing a tough punishment, those uncomfortable remained feelings will be effective in preventing any thoughts of re-committing. Moreover, they also play a key role in shaping the unawared young minds about complying with the laws later on in their lives. In short, stricter rules act as a long-term prevention to this alarming social malady.  
  
Secondly, understanding what offenders have to suffer will make teenagers develop their social awareness and responsibility. At the very young age, if students are well-informed about the serious extent of crime punishment, they will apply stricter rules to themselves to avoid acting against the laws. Hence, these kinds of punishing maybe the most practical role models for the youth.  
  
Opponents of my point of view may claim that young people do not deserve harsh laws as they should be given more chances. There are some moral values grounding this statement, however, long-term social security is a substantial drawback. In adulthood, everyone has already been assigned with adequate responsibility and awareness to abide the given rules. What is more, lower level of severity means several crimes are bound to happen again as an obvious result.  
  
In conclusion, with the view of protecting the nations from these incidents, I completely believe that tougher punishment should be brought about in the foreseeable future.
It is pretty good. Except from a few errors here and there.  
  
... the youth. ~~that~~  This has called for ...  
  
Firstly,  ~~as a consequence,~~ recidivism will ... punishment**.** ~~those~~ These uncomfortable memories ~~remained feelings~~ will be ... of re-committing **a crime.**  
  
~~Moreover~~ In addition, severe punishment  ~~they~~ also play**s** a key role in shaping the  ~~unawared~~ young minds ...  
  
... offenders have to  ~~suffer~~  go through will make teenagers ~~develop their~~  become more socia**lly** awareness and responsible.  
  
 ~~At the very young age,~~ If students are well informed ... punishments at a very young age, they will apply ...  
  
Hence, ~~these kinds of ... the youth.~~ these punishments become a very good way to deter the youth from crime.  
  
 ~~the given~~  to the rules.  
  
... should ~~be brought about~~ come into effect in the foreseeable future.
Ta, make sure that you are using words that are actually found in an English dictionary. Do not make up terms such as "unawared". There is no such word, but there is such a term as "unaware" or "unawares" in the English dictionary, both UK and American dictionary versions. Your essay also suffers from a lack of clarity in its paragraph / sentence presentations.  
  
It would be better if you used actual topic sentences as the first sentence of every paragraph instead of counting out your discussion numbers. That is not going to help increase your scoring consideration because those are regular memorized writing styles of ESL learners. In order to prove that you have an advanced grasp of the English language, you should not be using elementary transition styles such as counting. Use transition sentences and subject sentences instead for the last sentence of every paragraph and first sentence of every paragraph respectively.  
  
Use emotional responses such as "I strong advocate" only when responding to extent essays. This single opinion essay would have done very well without the exaggerated response. A simple agree/disagree sentence would have sufficed. This is a single opinion essay so a comparison discussion regarding those who do not share your POV was totally unnecessary and only pulled down your overall scoring consideration in the process.  
  
You basically have the foundation to build upon your English writing skills. You just need to better understand how the Task 2 essays are written, based on specific prompt requirements, samples of which you can easily find at this forum for your reference.
**Nowadays, there is a trend that reports of media focus on problems and emergencies rather than positive development. Some people think it is harmful to individuals and to society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## media should focus on positive development more

  
  
It is said that these days, the media tend to concentrate much on issues and emergencies instead of interesting in great development, which could be harmful to each person as well as society. In my perspective, I believe that this situation could have both negative and positive consequences.  
  
On the one hand, there are certain merits of posting matters and emergencies on the media. In fact, the more problems aired on the television or the internet, the more people know about current serious issues and try to improve those ones. For instance, by showing largely huge problems of climate changes in the mass media, most people in the world minimized using motor vehicles and started to travel by bicycle. Additionally, reporting many nasty accidents is an efficient way to raise people's awareness about their safety when they go outside. In fact, if people have seen a car crash lately, they would have been completely careful when they drive in order to not have similar accident.  
  
On the other hand, this trend could be considered detrimental consequences for several reasons. Firstly, compared to report about positive changes providing useful information could help people expand their horizon, the focus of bad news and difficulties might affect badly people's mind. For example, many residents who have been living in my hometown started to make demonstrations or riots against the government after they watched a news program talking about the disadvantages of a recently built company. Secondly, if children watch several bad news or crimes on the television, they may grow up with a tendency to violence. For example, a kid regularly hearing the news or reading article about terrorism or violent crimes, they would tend to intimidate and bully other ones when they are not educated well.  
  
In conclusion, although reports about bad news and emergencies have several negative consequences, I still believe that this trend would be beneficial in certain extent.  
  
(319 words)
Hi @nthatrang16, I have some opinion about your essay. I hope it helps.  
  
1/ You have some grammar issues such as:  
- "a similar accident" = > We need an article to modify for the noun "accident". There are few more words like this needs to be considered as well.  
  
- " those ~~ones~~" = > we don't need ones in this case I think, it is a tautology.  
- "a kid is/was regularly hearing...." => It is missing a verb in this sentence.  
and so on.  
  
2/ I feel like you are discussing two topics in one essay, you talked about positive and negative; causes and results, but I think the question is just a single opinion. The prompt requires you to answer if you agree with the statement and your answer is "negative and positive" consequences. Do we have something like "positive consequences"? I'm not sure, and I'm confused. Besides, you inserted a lot of information in your text but don't discuss in details.
Hi,  
  
There are frequently grammar errors occurred in your essay, e.g. ' a news' ' travel by bicycle' ' the media tend to'... please pay attention to your grammar.  
  
Another mistake you made was that you did not point out a clear thesis statement in your each body paragraph. After you indicated people that this paragraph would be talking about merits/detrimental consequences, you need to be clear that what are those merits/detrimental impacts.  
  
Also, as it is said above, you did not discuss your text in details. If you are going to say 'reporting many nasty accidents is ...', ask yourself why this action can rise people' awareness-- because people will be intimidated by the serious consequence showed on TV...'
Nguyen, you have written too many words for this type of timed essay. You wrote over 300 words when, during an actual test, the most you will be able to write is 300, and that is you do not edit your paper before submission. The ideal number of words to write is 275. Please make sure to practice writing the essay using a timer next time. That way you will get an idea of how fast or how slow you actually write. This will help you adjust your writing style to meet the time allocation requirements.  
  
Now, I will be direct to the point here and tell you that you will get a score of 1 for this essay because you did not use the provided prompt requirement. You wrote your own discussion topic. Compare the two:  
  
*Prompt Question: To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
Your Response: I believe that this situation could have both negative and positive consequences.*  
  
It is obvious at this point that you do not understand the discussion instructions beyond what you think it means. What you think you are instructed to you and what you are actually instructed to do are two different things. Since you have shown that you do not understand English instructions, there is no reason for the examiner to give you a passing test score. You will be unable to learn in an English school setting since you cannot even follow simple English discussion instructions.
*In many countries, traditional food is being replaced by international fast food. This has negative effects on both families and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?*  
  
## traditional food is replaced by fast food

  
  
People these days are more likely to go fast food restaurants instead of the ones offering tradition food. This trend has been said having adverse impacts on families and societies. I mostly agree with this idea but fast food can benefit people to some extent.  
  
On the one hand, fast food can bring diseases to people due to the unhealthy way they are made from. This kind of food usually contains excessive oil and fat, an example of this is chicken fries, which will cause the obesity issue on people; thereby resulting in other serious health problems. In addition, people can hardly gain enough types of nutrition that their body needs from fast food.  
  
Another issue caused by this trend is an extinction of a unique feature. Local food is made by special materials which are various from different areas. For instance, people from eastern Asia prefer to use alcohol to reduce the fishy smell carried with seafood. In contrast, international fast food is usually made from similar materials to maintain the same taste. As a result, a special representative of local culture will disappear if nobody is willing to impart the approach of traditional food.  
  
On the other hand, fast food can benefit the majorities because it saves people's time. Due to the heavy workload, people cannot spend too much time on their meals. However, fast food provides them with a solution of having tasty and quick food, so people can focus on work and maintain their productivity.  
  
In conclusion, although fast food can bring negative influences, it can still be beneficial to people to a slight extent.
Hi @forielts, I think your essay is quite good at presentation although there are some minor grammar mistakes that you might want to have a look at.  
  
However, in my opinion, you don't answer the question of the topic. The question asked if you agreed or disagree with the statement that international fast food had negative effects on families and societies when it replaced traditional food. That is a single opinion, not a discussion about positive or negative impacts. Your entire essay is talking about benefits and adverse, which is not the answer needed for this prompt. So far I think your body structure is well-connected, but you need to analyze the prompt more careful.
Nicoel, you were remiss in your proof reading. You missed the comma after the conjunction when you said "idea but". The comma goes in-between. GRA wise, I don't see any other problems with your sentence structures and development save for that missing punctuation mark in the first paragraph of the essay. Please remember to proof read and correct the essay whenever required prior to submitting your paper to maximize your scoring consideration.  
  
As for your prompt paraphrase, you were able to properly paraphrase the first 2 discussion points in the essay. However, when you presented your response, you should not have included a reference to "but fast-food can..." because you are limited in presentation scope for the first paragraph. That should only be a paraphrase with a quick response to the question when required. No reasoning or alternate reasoning should be presented due to the 5 sentence limitation. If you cannot develop your presentation of a reason, then you should not present it in that paragraph. You have 3 body paragraphs within which to present your alternate reasoning for this type of discussion.  
  
Now, since you partially agreed with the given statement, I can say that your discussion body is properly presented. You are allowed, in this instance, to present one discussion representing each side of the discussion. For this essay though, you should have gone for the 4 body paragraph instead. That would indicated the following:  
  
1. Paraphrase  
2. Reason 1 (POV1)  
3. Reason 2 (POV 2)  
4. Conclusion  
  
This essay is not meant to be stretched to 5 paragraphs since it is not a comparison essay. You did not present a properly concluding summary in this essay so you are really limiting your scoring potential at this point.
Leo, the way I see it, the strengths of your essay comes from three points. These are the sources of information, the type of information presented, and your understanding of the given topic. Please allow me to go into deeper detail regarding my choice of your strengths.  
  
With regards to the type of information you presented, you really worked on presenting an informative overview for your essay, considering all the possible avenues for discussion, then presenting it in a manner that guides the reader to understand what the discussions shall be about. All the time, you avoided lecturing the reader and you did not sound like you were merely doing a cut and paste of existing information to thresh out your thesis statement.  
  
The fact that you took the time to go into great detail about the background of obesity and even delved deeper into the various causes of the illness indicates that you enjoyed writing about this topic and that you threw yourself into the research to make sure that your research paper would deliver clear information and help the reader understand every aspect of the illness as presented in your paragraphs.  
  
It was great that you showed an almost personal understanding of the topic. You used proper examples in the presentation, that could have been better developed, but it helped in the overall research presentation. This essay is very well researched and helps the reader understand more than just the superficial presentation of what obesity is all about. I believe you did a good job with this paper.