dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## the Ways Technology Has Changed Our Lives

  
  
Information technology has revolutionized our life. Firstly, communication from a far distance is beneficial with fewer costs through information technology. Information technology enables people to make a call despite a huge gap. For example, my father phones me although he is abroad without paying any fee. Secondly, our entertainment habits has changed due to information technology. People relax by using information technology with a wide range of entertainment such as movies, social media, online games, ... For instance, my brother fancies watching television, playing online games instead of playing traditional games. Finally, information technology modernizes our life. Many manual activities have been digitized. To illustrate, in the past, to print a written paper it had to be typewritten which was a tedious process now it can be done on a computer in a short time. In short, technology has changed the way people communicate, entertain and study because of its benefits.
You gave a direct descriptive response to the question but it is flat in presentation. While you did offer personal knowledge and experience in the explanation, it feels like you really rushed things and tried to over inform the reader. I think this happened because of the lack of transition sentence usage. You need to make sure that you always connect one presentation to the next by helping to do a preliminary introduction to the next topic. That helps to create a smoother presentation and a better response presentation as there is a semblance of analysis included in your discussion response. The essay will benefit from the use of transition sentences because it will help create a more coherent and cohesive response paragraph. Once the different ideas are connected with transition sentences, the meaning of your presentation becomes clearer to the reader.
## Is following fashion important?

  
  
Fashion is a perfect marriage of creativity, communication, and utility. It is one of the purest expressions of art and historically elevated to the same stature as painting, literature, music, and sculpting. Prejudice confirms the tremendous uselessness of this fine art and intensely obliterates the fashion industry. I would rather enrapture incarnating distinctive fashion trends than be behind the times and denying fashion.  
  
First of all, being trendy and fashionable transforms self-perception. The perspective people put on clothes is also the way they expose personalities and uniqueness. since the convergence of art and fashion is symbiotic. One can tell us much about a culture by the paintings it produces as by dresses, articles of clothing used for individual and collective expression. So as a painting, your body allows clothes to boost up self-confidence, declares culture, lifestyles, and beliefs. It is a mistake to assume that fashion makes garments fall apart and degrade body deficiency. Instead, fashion improves self-esteem by making the most of glamorous body parts and transforming them into greater forms, as you wish.  
  
In addition, fashion encumbers toxic gender discrimination. The traditional views of the position of women within society are so deeply ingrained that they are unchangeable. With the support of fashion as a skillful tool to be "the apple to the public's eye", the propaganda of removing stereotypes of toxic masculinity and feminity will be smoothened. More and more celebrities have come forward in defiance of traditional, normative practices through the language of fashion. Miley Cyrus is a huge example of this manifestation since she attempted cutting her hair, putting on men's suits, and tended to masculine appearance, transmitting her opinions about fogy adjustment. Fashion definitely galvanized her bid.  
  
Fashion not only enriches one's facade but also takes a significant part in specific professions, including modeling, designing, and being artist. The majority of the work of these occupations are about fashion, however, there remained a correlation with other spheres. It is illustrated that businessmen require a variation of fashion basis as the need of comprehending artistic goods: artists working in the aesthetic sector are advised to absorb fashion information as the conditions of analyzing and evaluating pieces.  
  
To sum up, fashion artistically identify humans, form ambitions, and clear up future. I firmly believed that fashion puts no harm to humanity and this spectacular genre of art should be conserved, expanded, and displayed as widely as possible.
This 400 word essay does not follow the guidelines for a Task 2 essay. You are not paraphrasing the original topic and its reasons, and you have failed to provide a response to the original prompt question. You were being asked to write a simple 5 paragraph essay covering the topic of fashion and to what extent you agree or disagree that people should follow fashion trends. You wrote a whole research paper on the topic, none of which explains the extent of your opinion, since you never actually responded to the question.  
  
This was clearly an extent essay but you failed to understand that. Hence, the incorrect response format and discussion presentation. The 400 words you wrote do not matter in this instance. You will automatically fail the test since you failed to follow the basic parameters for the discussion presentation. Next time, make sure you understand the discussion instruction before you write the essay otherwise, responding in a manner that does not respond to the task will result in another failing score for you.
## Spoken communication is more always powerful than written communication.

  
***To what extent do you agree or disagree?***  
============== My work===================  
From the beginning of mankind, communication has been largely developed into two major sectors namely spoken and written. Many people are of the opinion that oral speeches overpower its paper counterpart all the time. From my perspective, while I agree spoken conversations have overwhelming advantages over written forms, I doubt if they do in all circumstances.  
  
On the one hand, oral conversations truly prove to have more power in most scenarios. Firstly, daily communication takes place in almost any place any time because of its rapid delivery of messages followed by prompt response from others. For instance, it is crucial for most lectures to be vocally conducted in class whereas books are to be patiently read at home for preparation or post-class assignments. Secondly, by speaking out the messages, people can make use of the generous assistance of their voice. This includes the tones which help convey the speakers' emotions and the stresses which aid in emphasis of signigicant points.  
  
On the other hand, though less dominant, there are certain cases in which written forms cannot be replaced. Regarding scientific researches, laborious experiments and meticulous observations need to be made in order for valuable findings and breakthroughs to be discovered. Thus, since these assets are too important to be stored as recordings or videos, paper and books serve as a better preservation. Furthermore, insightful books that embrace seas of knowledge and skills necessarily require much time from readers to keep track and apply piece by piece in their life. Not a single audio book version can overrule such uses of a traditional skill book.  
  
In conclusion, oral language appears to be more powerful due to its supreme regularity and immediate effects from the voice. However, this is not always the case as written language communicates better in some other circumstances such as significant academic studies and skill-teaching materials.
Stop adding information to your essay that is not found in the original presentation. You are scored on the accuracy of your restatement. Adding exaggerations such as , From the beginning of mankind" will not help you increase your score. Your number of sentences in the paraphrase will only depend on the number of topics to be restated. So do not go beyond:  
  
- The original topic  
- The reason  
- Your response  
  
Those 3 sentences will be more than enough, when properly written, to increase your TA score from the very start. Exaggerations and additional information that you made up are not required.  
  
As this is an extent essay, you should not confuse it with a comparative discussion. The extent of your explanation should only cover 2 reasons that will convince the review of your point of view. You did a good job of creatively indicating an extent response with a topic outline. However, using the comparative discussion in the reasoning sentence removed the strength of your opinion. You need to focus on defending only your single point of view in the presentation. No more, no less. Word count deductions will be given for the paragraph that does not support the given opinion. Therefore, your essay will fall under the minimum word count and result in a lower than expected, possibly failing score for your essay.
## electricity production in france by source

  
  
The given graph gives information on the amount of electricity produced by four distinct sources in France over a period of 32 years starting from 1980.  
It is clear that while the figures for nuclear and renewables power experienced an upward trend, the opposite was true for that for thermal and hydroelectric. Also, nuclear was the most popular means of electricity generation.  
  
As can be seen from the graph, the year 1980 saw no disparity between the figures for nuclear and hydroelectric power, which was around 70 Tw-h. For the next 25 yeas, the amount of electricity generated by nuclear increased significantly to reach a peak at about 430 Tw-h in 2005 before ending at 400 Tw-h in 2012. On the other hand, the figure for hydroelectric fluctuated for most of the period and decreased to approximately 52 Tw-h by 2012.  
  
Standing at 110 Tw-h in 1980, thermal power provided a much higher amount of electricity than that of renewables which failed to register anything. From the year 1980 onwards, the amount of electricity produced by thermal power palpitated slightly before declining to 50 Tw-h at the end of the period. In contrast, the figure for electricity generated by renewables experienced a level-off from the year 1980 to 2000, but later upsurged to 10 Tw-h in 2012.  
  
*
Lessen your writing next time. Avoid cutting into the writing time for the Task 2 essay, which is what happens when you write 217 words. Even as you prove to be a fast typist, the focus should be less on words and more on the clarity of the detailed information presentation. For example, you said that a graph was presented, but failed to indicate the type of graph. So that will be considered incomplete information. What were the 4 sources? How was it measured? Your summary overview should be more complete than what you have presented here.  
  
The summary overview is important as it helps the reader form a mental picture of the succeeding information presentation. While there is a trending statement, you presented two of them instead of one. There should only be a single trend presented, whichever you consider more important. You won't be scored extra for giving more than one trending statement, but you will be faulted for not presenting a trending statement in the correct format.  
  
There are several overlapping measurement points given in the graph. You should have mentioned at least one of these overlapping points. The examiner will consider this a true analysis of the provided image because you are asked to present similarities whenever possible. There were no real overlapping similarities presented in your essay which would make the essay incomplete in presentation yet again.
***Some people think that good health is very important to every person, so medical services should not be run by profit-making companies.***  
## do the advantages of the private healthcare outweigh the disadvantages?

  
  
Having a good health is of great importance to each individual. Therefore, medical services should be provided by private companies. Although state-owned hospitals could bring citizens several benefits, I am the opinion that the advantages which profit-making companies offer would be far more significant.  
  
On the one hand, there are several reasons why a wide range people only always use servies at public medical healthcentres. Firstly, state-owned hospitals provide citizens with the services which are reasonable. While the payment which people have to pay for private healthcentres usually is a large amount of money, clients only have to spend only a far cheaper price at the public one. Secondly, almost seasoned doctors work at public health insitutions. They are believe to give patients with fulfill and suitable treatments that could lead to a quick recocery. For example, my grandfather suffering from a long-term diseas, fortunately, he accidentally met a doctor who works in a state-owned hospital in Hanoi, nownhis health has been improving positively.  
  
On the other hand, I contend that people would benefit a great deal from private healthcare centres due to its excellent services. A profit-making healthcare always offer their customer freedom in almost aspects when they use their services. In terms of doctors, they hav ethe right to choose the one who they believe to give them the optimal treatment. As for the room, citizens do not have to share their room with several people which give people a comfortable atmosphere when staying at private hospital. Additionally, private healthcare institutions tend to have great attention on developing technological devices. Every years, profit-making hospitals spend a great deal of their budget on investing on digital equipments. Although the devices cost a fortune, they always make every effort to provide their patient with the best condition.  
  
In conclusion, despite the advantages that state-owned healthcare centres bring to people, I believe that of private hospital would do outweight.
Based on the high number of spelling, GRA, and C&C issues that remain uncorrected in this essay, it appears that you ability to type 318 words is useless. Unless you can write fluently in English, you should be aiming for a reasonable essay length of about 275-290 words. That way you will also tend to make less mistakes in your writing. Length is useless when it is riddled with errors, you will fail the test just the same.  
  
Your prompt paraphrase is inaccurate. It does not really reflect the information as provided. You changed the premise of the essay from:  
  
*OP: Some people think that good health is very important to every person*  
  
to  
  
*YP: Having a good health is of great importance to each individual.*  
  
You stated a fact instead of stating a public opinion. Since the original presentation offered a public sentiment, your restatement should have been formatted to reflect the same.So, you could have instead written this as:  
  
*Since most citizens consider proper fitness valuable, they oppose the idea that the health care business should be operated by money making corporations. I do not share this opinion because the well being of people, when run by money making industries, creates more benefits for the people that need to remain healthy. Some of the benefits to be gained are (1) and (2).  
  
While some would consider (reason 1) as a disadvantage because... It is actually and advantage when you consider that...  
  
As for (reason 2), the negative opinion usually comes from ... When it reality, it creates a benefit in the form of ...*  
  
Your current discussion is not very well developed because you are offering too many reasons in the paragraphs. You are more focused on delivering reasons instead of explaining the reasons as required by this discussion. Remember that each paragraph is scored on clarity and coherence. When you offer reasons, but not enough of an explanation to defend the reason, then you created an under developed paragraph. That is why offering only 2 separate discussion topic paragraphs would allow you to better develop your reasoning and explanation in a manner that can increase your overall score.  
  
Your concluding summary is not complete. It is not composed of at least 40 words representing at least 2 sentences. Try to properly summarize the discussion points in your concluding presentation. Don't just present a single sentence that does not have any sort of elaboration that could help reiterate the previous discussion.
question:  
***In some country, owning a house rather than renting one is very important for people.  
## Why this may be the case?

  
## Do you think this is a negative or positive situation?***  
  
Nowadays, people reckon that an adult person should have a home for on their own and that is a pivotal thing in their life. There are some factors to people think which have a considerable effect in their thoughts .  
  
From my perspective, The advantages of possessing an apartment for people are rather significant . Firstly, in Asian culture nations, One of the decisive element of getting married of a man is have a home for theirselves to start up a home .if they have not, it is hard to persuade parent's their wife-future to accept their marriage ,but some people argue that it is not necessary house , it may be true for some others. However , I still believe that owning a flat for a man is easier for them to settle in a new life. Secondly , the day-by-day expenses of living in the big cities as well as rural areas is ridiculously expensive . If an individual get the expenses of paying money to landlord , even it can be a half of their salary. A lack of money can lead to enormous problems in their life. For instance, because of food in the end of months or expense for electricity , they can get into debt as a result.  
  
Nonetheless , there are also the benefits for hiring a accommodation. The renter can move in to anywhere they desire to live or have a trip business in foreign suddenly for a year or more. They will be free to go aboard and work without any ties or hesitation.  
  
In sump up, admittedly, some may struggle to have a apartment for the demand of society and theirselves , having said that. This is no deniable that living in the accommodation can give freedom for them. In my view, this is a positive argument.
You did not completely represent the original prompt in the presentation. Your response is wrong when compared to the actual discussion presentation instruction. To compare:  
  
*OT: In some country, owning a house rather than renting one is very important for people.  
YT: people reckon that an adult person should have a home for on their own and that is a pivotal thing in their life.*  
  
What happened to the representing sentence for the people who rent?  
  
*DT: Why this may be the case? Do you think this is a negative or positive situation.?  
YR: There are some factors to people think which have a considerable effect in their thoughts .*  
  
You did not respond correctly to either question. Therefore, the TA score will be on the failing scale. Your response is not in accordance with the questions provided or expected discussion format in the prompt paraphrase section.  
  
Your sudden discussion of rentals in the second reasoning paragraph is uneven, incomplete, and under developed. This will result in a failing C&C section in your scoring consideration. There needs to be a continuous representation of the rental aspect from the beginning (paraphrase) going into the discussion (reasoning paragraph 2). Failure to do that results in an under developed discussion overall.  
  
You have several severe problems in spelling, grammar, along with C&C errors. Based on the overall problems you have presented, you cannot achieve a passing score with this type of presentation. You need to make sure that you cover all of the discussion points as provided next time. Ensure a proper and even discussion development in your reasoning paragraphs as well so that you can gain a better scoring consideration in those sections.  
  
You cannot place your point of view (positive argument) at the end of the essay. That should always be a part of the prompt paraphrase. The concluding paragraph merely summarizes the previous discussion points. The topic, your reasons or comparative discussion, and then finally, **a repeat of your opinion**. The opinion needs to be previously provided so that it can be included in the summary presentation. Otherwise, you end the essay with an open, rather than concluded topic. Which will result in points deductions in the final score.
## Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

  
***Teachers were more appreciated and valued by society in the past than they were nowadays. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.***  
  
In contemporary society, we can find a teacher to teach us about everything. The definition of a teacher is no longer just the profession of teaching students in schools as it was in the old society. In the context of the more meticulous division of labour and the higher the degree of specialization in society, novices always require teachers to impart the knowledge and experience. Therefore, from my perspective, I perceive teachers are more appreciated and valued than ever.  
  
There is no doubt about the influence of education on the future development of individuals. With the development of technology, every country in the world has seen the power of education as technology cannot be established without a strong backup of education, and the most crucial link between the textbook concept and the students is teachers. Students can obtain direct feedback from teachers, which can help them better understand knowledge. Therefore, if a country wants to gain a foothold in the world, it must increase its expenditure on education, especially in training teachers. In addition, compared with the past, as the government lays more emphasis on education, the social status of teachers has been greatly improved. In view of the fact that artificial intelligence is still considered to be unable to replace the function of teachers, teachers are still an irreplaceable role, and they undertake basic construction work in the social structure.  
  
Furthermore, as we focus more on the physical and mental health of individuals, people pay more attention to developing and cultivating their own interests and hobbies. Meanwhile, the division of labour in society is becoming more and more specific. Whether one wants to become a professional in a specific field and improve their employability or just learn out of interest, he or she must accomplish their goals with the assistance of teachers. Even if people start to learn on video sites such as youtube, the video publisher is also taking the role of teacher.  
  
All in all, if we rethink this issue, we will find that society's appreciation and attention to teachers are much higher than before.