dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Do not make it a habit to use connecting words like although and however to start a paragraph. These words must only be used in reference to a previous statement that you wish to counter in the discussion. It is not used to kick off a sentence as it does not represent a topic sentence in the proper manner.  
  
As far as I can tell, your essay is not aligned with the prompt discussion requirements. Your original prompt was:  
  
*Is buying new products a good thing?why do people buy things do not really need?*  
  
What you indicated as the discussion points in your version of the prompt are:  
  
*Is this human nature? Definitely it relies on different types of people and circumstances.*  
  
You changed your prompt discussion requirements and in the process, created an essay totally different in topic and discussion references from the original. Regardless of whether you wrote this as a Task 2 essay or not, you clearly changed the discussion parameters which means, your essay, from the way I read it, never really answered the 2 questions that were posed by the discussion you were provided. Therefore, your essay cannot receive a passing score in any case. When you change the discussion format, you create a deviation, which means you failed to understand the original prompt and discussion requirements. This lack of comprehension skills will lead to the failing score of your essay.
Hi, I am not a good judge of your essay but i have spotted some grammar errors that I thought I could probably help you to improve. Please do not feel embarassed for it but i hope you can work on your grammar and sentence structures! Many years ago I have always failed my essays, and I focus too much on the content. However, I was later told by a teacher that it is never the content that matters. Though it plays a part, but it mainly depends on your use of grammar, vocabulary and sentence structures. You can try to read more news articles and attempt grammar practices. Hope these tips help!!  
  
... without any reason ~~he brought~~ one buys a ~~unnecessarily~~  unnecessary ...  
  
Because at the time of shopping, First...  
  
--> Whenever we shop, we tend to look for the latest products in the market and most of the times, it is not something we need. **This is not a grammar mistake, but perhaps a sentence strucutre error. Never start a sentence with "because/ because of".**
Hi,  
  
First thing first, I pressume that you are bring this essay to your IELTS exam. In this case, the length is markedly insufficient as you are probably unable to manage to jot down a 470-word piece of writing within 40 recomended minutes for Task 2. Thus, you should limit it in a range 260-280 of word counts. Second, by using fancy expressions, eg. "Now here the question is, Is this human nature?", " 'mind trap' ", "Conclusion:", etc. Your essay sounds more likely a pop-science article to me rather than a proper academic writing. So at this stage, you should work on these aspects in order to make you writing purpose more appropriate.  
  
However, if you are a freelance journalist or a blogger. Everything I said does not appliable and please ignore my comments.  
  
Best,  
TQB
**Please give this analysis some comments. Thank you so much!**  
  
## IELTS TASK 1 - FURTHER STUDY

  
  
The bar chart given provides information on the pursuit for higher education of young people in four nations surveyed in three years, 2000, 2005, and 2010.  
  
Over the timeframe, the proportion of the pursuers in Country A and Country D rose while the other nations experienced irregular changing patterns. In 2010, there were marked differences in the statistics, especially between Country D and Country B.  
  
The percentage of youngsters pursuing higher education in Country A began at just over 35 % in the first year and increased dramatically in the next ten years. This was in resemblance to the tendency observed in Country D yet plotted less steep. Otherwise, the number for Country B varied marginally between 39 % and 40 % over the period.  
  
Three fifths of the young people in Country D went to universities for their further study in 2010, accounting for the largest ratio in the year. This was followed by Country A whose the distribution was roughly 2 % lower. In contrast, Country B took the bottom position of the graph in the year, at only 40 %.  
  
*   
*Question*
Never use the term pursuers for students. You may call them, learners, advanced education pupils, or undergraduates, to name a few variations on the word "student". Always use the proper alternative word. You can only do that if you understand the meaning of the word and learn, based on the meaning, what words can be used in its place. If you use a dictionary to look up the term, suggested alternate words are often included as a part of the other information.  
  
You should also be more familiar with alternative words for higher education such as, secondary schooling and tertiary learning. Both of which means "higher education". You need to brush up on your work usage because you need to increase your LR and GRA score. That is done by showing the range of your vocabulary, based on proper word usage within a sentence.  
  
There are some unclear references:  
  
*This was in resemblance to the tendency observed in Country D yet plotted less steep.*  
- Where is the actual information that proves this analysis? This is a data based essay so keep the information accurate and relevant. When making comments about measurements, present the data to prove the observation you made in the report.
@Holt  
Excellent comments.  
  
To my understanding, did your last comment suggest that I should include specific data to back up my indication of "less steep"? Also, have I got any significant problems related to grammar? If yes, can you just list some of them; thus, I am able to do further research on Google my own.  
  
Thank you so much!  
I really appreciate your time.  
  
Best,  
Tutela
I am an IELTS Lerner. But I would like to give some of my thoughts on your essay.  
Firstly, your essay seems to long for an IELTS Task 2 (250- 270 words). Personally, I think that you overwrite your introduction and your conclusion.  
Because you advocate the discontinuation of GM foods, your penultimate paragraph seems contradictory to the rest of your arguments. You should omit it otherwise I'm afraid that your overall score will be deducted.  
  
I doubt whether the evidence from your second argument is based on Internet research or your own experience. " According to a report by ....."  
In terms of vocabulary, I am really impressed by your range, especially terminologies or academic terms. Grammatical errors are minimal.
Good command of grammar and vocab. Though i think that the essay can be improved and be more convincing.  
  
For example, in paragraph 2, i think you can be more focused on your point that young adults are beneficial to the sociery as for human resource. For example, you can point out that this increase the talent pool of the country and ensures prosperous development of a country. The first few sentences were fine.  
  
"After that, the majority of people will have ..." I think for this sentence, you can explain more on the point you are trying to bring accross. So forexample --> tendency to devline their productivity will lead to a less productive workforce. I think it is important to add a sentence to further explain the point that you're trying to bring accross do readers are able to understand better.  
  
"For example, the BBC news reported in ..." Same goes to this sentence, I think u can add on another explaination sentence - "This means that the country;s economy could suffer due to continuous effort to support the elderly."  
  
These are just my 2 cents, do take it with a pinch of salt as I am also a learner. Overall, I would say the examples given are good, and good command of english as well. Keep up the efforts! :)
Hi,  
  
First, if you want to bring this to your IELTS exam, I'd say your essay is far too long. In fact, it includes 525 words. How can you manage to finish it in 40 minutes? Or even 60 minutes? Thus, my first suggestion is that you should reduce your writing to a sufficient length, ie. 260-280 words.  
  
Second, I personally suggest that you should naturalise your tone by limiting the use of strong adverbs and solid expressions, eg. definitely, as we know, must, immensely significant, they all have, will, etc. Instead, you can consider some alternatives like possibly, might, more likely, seem, most people, would, could, etc.  
  
Finally, your word choices are too fancy to me. If I were you, I would not see academic writing as an opportunity for showing off vocabulary. It must be lexical ability for me.  
  
Just that.  
Best,  
  
Tutela
This being your first attempt at writing a task 2 essay, I can see the problems within your work. Most of which would make it difficult for you to pass the test. So, it would be better if I do not score your essay for now. The main problem that you have with this task is that you approached it like you would an academic research paper. The task 2 essay uses only commonly known information, personal experience, and personal understanding of the given topic in its discussion.  
  
You created a heavily researched paper that, although it properly informs the reader, does not follow the required format of a Task 2 essay. Contrary to public opinion, the format and the content are vital to the scoring system. This essay asks you to consider the advantages and disadvantages based on your personal observations, knowledge, and experience. It does not require you to cite sources in the essay. Whether you made up the information or not is not the point. The point is, you have to craft the presentation in a personal, rather than academic manner. That means, using the correct pronouns throughout the essay and focusing your content only on what you know about the topic.  
  
Surely you have grandparents and know of older people whose accomplishments in life you can compare to the youth of your country. That is the kind of information the examiner is looking for. He wants to know that you understood what the question is asking and what factors compose the response to the question. In this essay, you showed that you understood the question, but failed to understand how you were expected to discuss it. So the content matters more than the other scoring factors. If you cannot understand English enough to follow instructions, how can you be expected to perform in an English academic setting? Exactly.  
  
Build up your analytical skills first. Learn to decipher what the discussion requirements are and write about it in the essay. You may create an outline to help you with that task:  
  
Topic: the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.  
Discussion: Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?  
  
More young people =  
Lesser older people =  
Outcome = A/D  
  
You need to list the factors per element (young vs old) and count which has the greater supporting factors. Your response should be based on the factors you have listed as you can clearly see the winning side in the discussion through the listed information. Do not over analyze it. Keep it simple. Just think about it and write. This is not a dissertation piece. It is just a simple opinion essay composed of 4 paragraphs, no more than 275-290 words required for higher scoring consideration.
## Summarize information from the diagram

  
  
The diagram illustrates the process of electricity production by a hydroelectric power plant. Overall, the power station harnesses the energy of a river by utilizing the water flow from higher to lower grounds. The station works in two regimes, that allow it to utilize day and night times for electricity generation.  
  
As the diagram reveals, the first facility is a dam, that blocks the river and creates a high-level reservoir upstream. During the day the dam opens its intake at the bottom and allows free flow of water towards a power station with an electricity generator. As the water passes the turbines of the generator, it spins them, thus producing energy that is diverted to national grid via power lines. The water ends its day cycle in a low-level reservoir.  
  
The second operational mode of the plant uses the generator in reverse as a pump. This results in lifting the water from the downstream body of water upstream to the high-level reservoir through the same route as it came to the generator. In order to fill the dam again before the day cycle, the intakes at its bottom are closed at nights.  
  
*
Hi @RomanKoch  
overall, you have arranged a good essay structure. however, you need to learn more about vocabulary.  
in the first paragraph, you mentioned 'utilize' for twice. actually you can use another synonym such as apply (C1). for the second paragraph, I think the word 'reveal' seems like it has no collocation for this essay's theme.  
  
maybe the others would give you another feedback. I hope it helps.
**This is my analysis for an IELTS Writing Task 1. Please give it some comments (eg. logic, grammar, vocab, etc.). Thank you so much!**  
  
## IELTS Task 1 - Coffee Production

  
  
The bar chart given provides information on coffee production in Brazil, Colombia, Indonesia, and Vietnam commencing from 1990 to 2000.  
  
Over the timeframe, the amount of coffee produced by Colombia fell while the other countries experienced the opposite pattern of the production. In 2000, there were marked discrepancies in the statistics.  
  
The coffee production of Colombia began at 0.6 million tonnes in 1990 and decreased significantly in the next ten years to under 0.4 million tonnes in the last year. This was noticeably inconsistent with the corresponding figure for that of Brazil which registered a dramatic rise from below 0.8 million tonnes to over 1.8 million tonnes, respectively. Besides, both Asian countries saw a rather marginal increase over the period.  
  
Around 1.9 million tonnes of coffee products were manufactured by Brazil in 2010, accounting for the largest contribution to the market. This was followed by Indonesia, whose production mass was by 1.5 million tonnes lower. Otherwise, Vietnam and Colombia shared the bottom position of the graph in the year by producing equally around 0.3 million tonnes of the products.  
  
*   
*Question*
In the summary overview, you mentioned that there were marked discrepancies in the figures. Discrepancies means that there is a difference or inconsistency in the presentation. Yet, you did not indicate where these discrepancies lie. You should have included the source of the discrepancies in the overview to indicate that the topic will be further discussed in the later part of the essay. Your should have also indicated the measurement as being the million tonnes as a part of the summarized information.  
  
It does not matter if the digits for Brazil were inconsistent with that of Colombia. These are two different countries whose coffee production has nothing to do with one another. So inconsistencies do not matter. An inconsistency only matters if it resulted in some questionable figures for Colombia. Di not use terms that could lead to a question about the figures, when there is none. This is not an investigative report so do not make it sound so mysterious and detrimental. Just state the facts as is. A task 1 report does not need to be creatively presented. It needs to be clearly presented.
@Holt  
Hi Holt,  
  
These are extremely brilliant to me. I didn't even notice the in-depth meaning of those terms. The followings are my revison. May you give your further comments on them?  
  
1. For the overview:  
"In 2010, there were marked differences in the statistics, especially between that of Brazil and the rest."  
  
2. For the body 1:  
"This was noticeably in contrast to the tendency observed in Brazil which registered a dramatic rise from below 0.8 million tonnes to over 1.8 million tonnes, respectively."  
  
3. Further questions:  
- Is it appropriate if I just use "differences"? Are there any other "cooler" synonyms? 😅  
- Should I just use "This was noticeably opposite to..."?  
- I've never been abroad so that I don't know much about the native writing style. However, including measurement units in overview is more likely redundancy to me as we will mention them again in the bodies anyway. Can you expand your opinion on this?  
  
Thank you so much!  
  
Ps. Sorry for my broken English, I'm trying to do better. 😓
## The poverty problem - reasons and solutions

  
  
**Every country has poor people and every country has different ways of dealing with the poor.  
What are some of the reasons for world poverty? How can the poor be helped?  
Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.**  
  
There is no doubt that every nation has needy people and they are dealt with different way as per the economies. In this essay, I will discuss the main factors that contribute to the poverty among people and necessary measures that can help plummet poverty.  
  
Out of all the factors that lead to poverty the most important is lack of education. This is because, education is the fundamental part of human's growth and the individuals who doesn't get it have no means to find a skilled job or start any business to pull them out of their circumstances. For Instance, recent survey done by United Nations stated that 90% of people that are victim of hunger and poverty never have had access to any college or school. Furthermore, increasing corruption in the political system of certain countries has made it difficult for the government supports and subsidies, such as minimum wages for unemployment, to reach the people who cannot afford to make the ends meet. As a result, they are stuck in the hunger cycle.  
  
In my view, providing free education is the best possible solution to stop the next generation from being exposed to poverty. The reason for this is, education arms the individuals with options and choices to built the better future. As per global poverty scale, the rate of growth of poverty in germany declined by half in 5 years after education was made free for everyone. Additionally, subsidy or daily stipends can be offered to poverty-striken people, if they choose to persue higher education. This will, as a result, help them to support their families while continuing education.  
  
To repatulate, while illiteracy and corruption in the system are biggest reasons leading to poverty, I believe that providing free education can help a lot to control and eventually, vanish it.
The essay is very good content wise. Even with grammar problems, your justifications, reasons, and explanations, are very good. That is exactly where the problem of this essay lies and why you will not be able to write an essay like this during the actual test. You used researched reasons and solutions. The researched information are as follows:  
  
- recent survey done by United Nations stated that 90% of people ...  
- As per global poverty scale...  
  
The information for the essay clearly indicates: ... include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  
  
That means, you cannot refer to research, studies, and other sources within the essay. You have to use the information that you know to defend your reasons. If you use a pencil test, you won't have access to a computer at the testing center. If you use the CBT, the computer will be in LAN mode, which means no outside internet access, no research. This is actually the main problem with your paper, you need to practice using testing facility settings. That means, do not research the information when writing your essay. Instead, use only what little or a lot of the personal knowledge and understanding that you have.  
  
You have to prove that you are updated with current events and news when writing this essay. That is why they made it clear that you need to use personal knowledge in writing it. Researched information means you are not well read and could struggle as a student in a foreign country as you might have difficulty in keeping up with the classes you will be enrolled in.
You are right. You can make up the information. However, you cannot use secondary sources as the reference based upon the discussion instructions: Make up the information using first and second person pronouns. The instruction indicates;  
  
"Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from **your own knowledge or experience.**"  
  
**The keywords being " your own."** No research references. Pronoun usage is needed for GRA scoring considerations. There is a big difference between making up information, which is allowed, and referring to research information. The proper presentation format for the information should have been:  
  
*I It is common knowledge in my country that up to 60 percent of Vietnamese are...*  
  
This refers to your own knowledge and experience. This is opposite to presenting a semblance of researched information:  
  
- recent survey done by United Nations stated that 90% of people ...  
- As per global poverty scale...  
  
You are not referring to your own knowledge and experience when you refer to second hand information in the essay. You did not follow the discussion instructions, you will lose points because of it. I am sure you can see the difference, based upon the clear instruction from the original prompt.
## The proper way of Testing people's abilities

  
  
Although some people believe that written examination is better than practical examination, I believe that testing students practically is more important than testing theoretically since it not only tests the long term knowledge but also examines the capacity of a student how to tackle the situations by setting themselves in the real world.  
  
Practical examination puts real time challenges in front of students. when they are asked about randomly questions, they respond instantly, proving that they possess the essential skills required to act or react to any situations. On the other hand, written examination evaluates only written summary which could be crammed by students for a very short period of time, and then they tend to forget this cramming material after a month or months. As a result, practical capacity of responding to situation could not have tested by testing writing abilities.  
  
In addition to this, face to face interviews assess the vast amount of knowledge and skills which can be applied further in life, too. A medical student, for instance, studying surgery subjects, finishes his/her degree and ready to enter into the workforce, but he or she would not be practically strong in carrying out operations unless he underwent practical sessions. consequently, practical testing is an integral part of education if one has had to venture into the working field that requires practical skills.  
  
In conclusion, undeniably, being tested on the ability of how one is ready to face real life challenges and on the ability of having long term knowledge qualifies the students in comparison with being tested on writing abilities.