dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
You have a wide range of vocab, grammar, and ideas, but there are still some mistakes.  
  
First, don't use "etc" in writing. It is informal language.  
  
And more important, the question asks you to discuss about similarities between countries emerges from "buying the same products". However, you only answer half of the question. You only answer the whole question in the first and second paragraph, then you pay the rest of your essay to discuss about globalization. There is nothing related the term "buy the same products". It means you are almost off-topic due to not fully understanding, especially the paragraphs about mess of architecture and COVID-19. Is it related to buying the same products?  
  
I recommend you to replace your fourth paragraphs with ideas about the local brands struggling in the market and there are not many kind of products to suffice the demands of different classes of people.
The question is not about the risk of globalization. The discussion should have been focused on whether you believe this is a positive or negative development. You did not respond properly to the question. You will have points deducted in the TA section because of that mistake. You changed the discussion so, the response will be deemed to have a response unrelated to the task. Additionally, this is not a comparison essay. This is a "take a stand and defend your position" essay. So your discussion format is also incorrect. More points shall be taken away from your final score due to the wrong response formatting. Basically, you did not respond to the question at all. So you cannot achieve a 5 band score for this essay. The most you will receive is a 1. All because you failed to represent the proper response to the question: Do you think this is a positive or negative development? You were expected to choose one of the two responses and discussed the reasons behind that opinion in the essay. Again, this was never a compare and contrast essay. It was a direct opinion response essay.
## the increase of common languages usage

  
  
Social issues have always been resolved by the policy of the Government, the awareness of citizens and the improvement of education. While a number of people believe that the increase of using common languages can bring many economics benefits to most nations, others think that the usage of less well-known languages which are being declined can result in some related-culture problems. In my opinion, the disappearing of some languages in the world has negative effects since it not only contributes to the losing cultural diversity but also causes inequalities for many lower-speed developing countries.  
  
To begin with, language has always been considered as an effective tool that brings people around the world together through the exchange of culture and history. However, as languages such as English or Chinese are being used more often for global purposes, many traditional ways of communication seem to be forgotten. Indeed, in the face of global linguistic homogenization it is hard for the indigenous people to retain their knowledge and so as the lost of their cultural values. For example, a cure for cancer which is known as cliche, is an affective element that can be found in the Amazon rain forest. However, many pharmaceutical companies do not know this kind of remedy because the name is called by the shamans language, for this reason, a large amount of resources were spent to find another solution for the disease. Another example is that when the languages of local people can not reach the knowledge of other nations around the world, their culture will easily be forgotten . In the multi-ethnic society, people tend to use common languages for gaining benefits and exchanging culture. On the other hand, when some languages are unfamiliar to many individuals, its origins and cultural values can be ignored.  
  
Last but not least, this way of communicating can result in a large number of inequalities for aboriginal people. Using well-known language like English can bring up advantages for multinational company including Microsoft and Google. As a result, these traders can have a better connection to their partners, becoming more successful in their business. On the other hand, the contracts for the clients not knowing English will be hard to operated as the directors can not understand the native language which brings less economic incomes for the local nations. Furthermore, the gap between rich and developing countries will be widen which causes the increasing of inequality for lower-speed developing nations.  
  
In short, the massively speaking of common languages instead of others is considered to have negative effects on the fair development of countries around the world.
Oh boy... You did not use a timer when you wrote this essay did you? There is absolutely no way you could have written 434 words in 40 minutes. The target word count is just between 275-290 words. You overdid it. Mostly because you lost track of time. Next time, use a timer. It is the best way to judge how well you can write a response within the given time frame.  
  
Your introduction was supposed to be a prompt paraphrase or a representation of the original discussion topic and instructions in your own words. I have reviewed the original prompt and the information you provide in your presentation is nowhere to be found. It is almost as if you intentionally decided to change the prompt parameters. That is why you wrote too many words. You did not follow the discussion topic even though you properly responded to the discussion question. By the way, you should not have presented your opinion as a part of your response. You were only supposed to provide a direct response. The opinion discussion always follows in the body of paragraphs.  
  
Do not overwrite in your paragraphs. Just keep it between the required 3-5 sentences. You have to learn to write less but have more meaning in your words. That is done through a proper mix of complex and simple sentences. Your essay really needs to focus on its clarity and coherence in this instance. Focus on the meaning of the words, give direct opinions. Wordy essays like this one just wastes time and space. The examiner expects direct explanations, reasons, and responses within your paragraphs. Try to learn to write connected sentence thoughts, use conjunctions in the proper manner.  
  
Remember, the word is "cannot", not "can not". The latter implies that you can but fail to do so, which makes the word presentation really unclear to the reader. This is a common word choice error. The term "operate" connotes the current function or work of a verb. "Operated" is the past tense word. The same goes for "lost" = "loss".  
  
Never write a single sentence concluding presentation. You always have to present the reverse paraphrase in 3-5 sentences. That is the standard format for that section. Summarize the:  
  
- Original prompt  
- Discussion topic  
- Your response and reasons  
- Closing sentence  
  
You have a long way to go in terms of achieving a passing score for your Task 2 essay. This essay should only be a start, this should not be the way that you write succeeding essays. Make changes to your writing style as indicated above.
You have amazing ideas with informative examples, but you still have some mistakes to be figured out.  
  
Firstly, you don't have to give 2 examples in the second paragraph, the example about cliche is good enough.  
  
" On the other hand, when some languages are unfamiliar to many individuals, its origins and cultural values can be ignored."  
I think you try to bring up another statement, but it is totally repetitive.  
I suggest you write a conclusion of a paragraph to summon up your ideas "Thus, invaluable legacy off minor cultures is forgotten due to their unfamiliar languages"  
  
Moreover, "well-known language like English", the word "well-known" is mostly used for people. I suggest "prevalent language like English", it means popular , which is more suitable in this case.  
  
In the last paragraph, your third paragraph is not coherent. Initially, you say this trend lead to inequalities for aboriginal people, then you mention about the benefits which are brought to the multinational companies. Although you mention about the misunderstanding between companies and employees not knowing English, you say it brings less incomes to the companies. What about the effect to employees not knowing, did you mention anything?
I want to see all of your comments below my essay . My target is band 6.0. Thank you so much.....  
  
## the free source of information?

  
  
**Some people believe that is is good to shre as much information as possible in scientific research and academic world . Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely**  
  
People have a different views about information sharing that brings its own advantages and disadvantages at present. Sharing information and ideas in investigations of science , commerce or in the list of academic subjects is the best way to learn and put it into practice. However , others think in opposite ways that it is uncontrolled to sharing important information . For this causes , this essay focuses on thes diverse attitude toward exchanging information and a reasoned conclusion with my personal opinion.  
  
From my perspective , there are various measures why people believe that it is essential to share information if we want to develop forward in the fields of education , science , trade and so on . Scientists should share their latest discoveries with other researchers around the world. Furthermore , their own invention will be recognized as a new achievement research. In addition , if ideas or new knowledge are imparted and shared to students by teachers , they can broaden their understanding and shorten distance learning over the internet. For example , in business , sharing experience in commercal activities for profit is necessary elements in economic expansion and by the contrary , it can not grow without sharing ideas.  
  
Conversely , I understand why people do not accept the idea of sharing information for several reasons. One of them is the reveal of top-secret information and data belonging to government security about economy and polictic . This leading to driven to the verge if terrorism and increasing criminal figures . Moreover, hackers online can attack consumer by steal individual information from public personal account on social media like Facebook if we display them obviously  
  
To sum up , I believe those who have argument for the free source of information in some special fields maybe except but there should limit in which we share information publicly like personal pictures , videos , certain business ideas or documents and so on . Therefore , I partly support both views.
This is a triple point of view essay. The reasoning paragraphs need to be composed of 2 public discussion paragraphs, respective of discussion points, and one point of view from a personal perspective. Your essay solely focuses on the personal perspective, which means the TA score will be around 4 because of the tangential response. You are focusing the discussion only on your personal point of view, which is not the instruction of the essay. The essay asks you to present the two points of view first, then base your opinion paragraph on a consideration of both reasons, with the final sentence of that paragraph stating your personal opinion.  
  
It is funny how you were not able to relate the Covid-19 to this discussion considering it is a very timely topic. Considering that there is a discussion regarding how China handled the situation and how their lack of sharing information caused a pandemic, you could have used that current event to raise the Cohesiveness and coherence score of this essay, in addition to the TA consideration.  
  
Grammar problems for this essay include, but are not limited to noun phrase usage mistakes, word choice errors (this causes = these causes (plural form), you can't say "can not" That means you are able to but not able to. That does not make sense.), and several spelling errors (commercal = commercial, politctic = politics, thes=these).  
  
Like I said in the first part of this review, the personal opinion is not part of the conclusion. The conclusion can never be a continuing discussion for the topic. It is always used to summarize the discussion points towards a conclusion that indicates the end of the presentation. Your essay failed to do that. So, based on the improper presentation, plus grammatical errors, of which there are several, the possible score for this essay would range from a 3.5 - 4.
I am preparing for IELTS, so please give me some suggestion on my essay. Also, I would like to know which band I would get. Thanks for your reply!  
  
**## UK telephone calls by category, 1995-2002**  
  
The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone call in the UK, divided into three categories, from 1995-2002.  
Summarise the information by selecting a reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.  
Write at least 150 words.  
  
Given is the information that reveals the total amount of telephone calls in the UK over eight-year period, and it is divided into three types.  
  
Among all kinds of phone calls, local fixed line is obviously the most popular one within eight years. It gradually grew from 70 billion to 90 billion minutes in five years, but it fell back steadily to 70 billion in 2002.  
  
National and international fixed line and mobiles phone calls both increased during the past eight years. There was about 70 billion national and international fixed line calls in 1995, and it had risen to 60 by the end of the period. Meanwhile, the minutes of mobiles increased at a very rapid pace from approximately 4 to 55.  
  
In brief, although the local telephone was still the most commonly used one from 1995 to 2002, it has slowly decreased over the years, while the mobiles call rose up dramatically.  
  
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You have written just enough words to meet the over the minimum word requirement for this task. That is not enough. You have to write at least 175 words for this part of the test so that you can maximize your overall scoring potential. You are scored on 4 aspects in this test, so make sure that you write enough words for the examiner to get a better idea of your intermediate or advanced writing style. Make sure you are scored on the intermediate to advanced English learner level. The number of words you wrote will only qualify you for the highest score based on the beginner level.  
  
The summary overview should have at least 3 sentences covering:  
- Type of graph  
-Topic for measurement  
- Subjects of measurement  
-Type of measurement  
- Trending sentence  
  
In this essay, you only provided the type of graph and topic for measurement, the rest of the information is missing. You will be scored down in the TA section because of this. Your paragraphs do not meet the minimum 3 sentence requirement. It would be better for you to aim for 3-5 sentence per paragraph so that you can easily meet the maximum scoring consideration for your essay on all 4 scoring counts.  
  
Your information is complete and clear. However, you are only delivering the memorized information from the graph. There is no developed discussion in your presentation format. If you want to learn how to better approach this essay, listen to the business news reports on TV or the radio. Those reports are verbal versions of the Task 1 essay so you should be able to pick up presentation pointers from them for use in your own reporting essay. Remember, those radio reports come from written information, which was completed by other people for the reader. That is the whole point of the Task 1 essay.
@vanessazhang00  
One more key feature that you can add to your essay as an alternative to making the conclusion sounds more general:  
  
*=> In brief, although the rankings remained the same, the **three** genres gradually narrowed the margin between them from over 30 billion minutes to about one-third of that number throughout the period.*  
  
Because your summary only mentions 2 categories, meanwhile the task gives you 3 categories.  
Besides, the strong increase in mobile phone data is mentioned in the last sentence of the third paragraph, so I don't think you should repeat it at this conclusion.  
  
Hope this help!
My target score is 6.5 and if you could give a feedback of my writing, I would really appreciate it! Thanks!  
  
## the ratio of birth and death in New Zealand

  
  
The line graph illustrates the ratio of birth and death in New Zealand from 1901 to the prediction for 2101.  
  
　　Overall, the birth rate increased drastically until 1961 and then fluctuated, but the general trend is expected to be downward. On the other hand, there was a fluctuation in the death rate between 1901 and 2001, but the overall trend was upward. By 2001, the ratio of death surged and it is forecast to reach a plateau in the final 40-year period.  
  
　　Looking in more detail, the birth rate stood at 20,000 in the first year; however, it began rising to around 30,000. Despite a slight dip to around 28,000, by 1941 it had grew significantly to reach a peak of around 65,000 in 1961. After that, it fluctuated noticeably between 50,000 and 60,000 and it is estimated to decrease steadily to just above 40,000 in 2101.  
  
　　By contrast, there was a gradual growth in the death rates from almost 10,000 to around triple that of the original figure in 1901. However, it increased dramatically and it is expected to peak at 60,000 in 2061. In the last 40 years. The death rate is likely to level off.  
  
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When you present a conjunction as in "However, it increased dramatically and it..." you need to place a comma after the word "dramatically" to indicate that sentences, clauses, phrases, or words are connected in the sentence. The proper use of a conjunction is important in the presentation of a complex sentence which also increases your coherence and cohesiveness, along with the GRA score when presenting a series of short sentences.  
  
However, you should be careful about haphazardly using commas in the sentence presentations. You have more commas than periods in this presentation, which, when overused, creates run-on sentences. Always use a period to signify the end of a sentence. Make sure to use conjunctions properly, based on its indicated usage as either a coordinating, subordinating, correlative, and conjunctive adverb. Use medium length sentences whenever possible. 3-5 sentences per paragraph.
## The work quality vs the dress code

  
  
some people think that employers should not care about the way their employees dress, because what matters is the quality of their work. to what extent do you agree or disagree  
  
It is undeniable that in morden workplace, the quality of work is seen as the most important factor in order to judge a good worker rather than what they dress. However, i personally contend that dress codes still play a vital role in certain professions.  
  
On the one hand, there are several reasons why the quality of work is irrelevant to the way people choose to dress in many work contexts. Nowadays, many developed companies allow their employees dress casually when working because they want to create a relaxed office environment where their employees feel comfortable and free. Thanks to this, employees working in these companies would produce work of outstanding quality which employers are expecting from them. As a result, wearing casually help employees not only work effectively but also raise their work productivity  
  
On the other hand, it is understandable that dress codes still exist for some good reasons in certain professions. Dress codes is a means of identifying the person's position and their role in society. To be specific, some certain jobs such as teachers , polices, layers and airline pilots require employees to wear uniform. For example, a politician always wear formal clothing to become powerful and severe and show their necessary role in society when standing in front of inhabitants. It is no doubt that people prefer to see these professionals in smart and formal attire instead of casual clothing.  
  
In conclusion, while the quality of work is more important than the way the employees dress, i believe that dress codes has an influence on some professions.
Why are you offering a personal opinion without a measure of dis/agreement throughout an extent essay? This type of question requires you to pick one side of the discussion to respond to and discuss within 2 reasoning paragraphs, for a total of 4 essay paragraphs. There needs to an emotional response in the prompt paraphrase / introduction that will allow the reviewer to understand the degree of defense that you can give for this topic. Based on your opinion explanation in response to the question, it appears that you could have first indicated "I have a strong support for the discussion that..." in response to the question.  
  
Now, since this essay asks you to pick one side, you must not do a comparative discussion in it. The only 2 paragraphs you write must offer 2 reasons for supporting your stance. This is not an essay that asked you to compare the two public opinions before offering your point of view. Therefore, you will lose TA points for the improper formatting of your response. The rest of the essay will be scored on the remaining brackets accordingly.  
  
Try not to use terms that could mislead the reader. When you say "There are several reasons", and you discuss only one reason in the paragraph, that creates confusion for the reader and will affect the C&C score. It is best to use such terms within your response to the prompt statement. That way your reasons will be presented in separate paragraphs, which will then offer "several reasons" for the reader to better understand.
My target score is 6.5 and if you could give a feedback of my writing, I would really appreciate it! Thanks!  
  
## Antarctic ozone hole and damaging gases

  
  
The line graphs give information about different types of damaging gases which change the size of Antarctic ozone hole from 1980 to 2000.  
  
During the past two decades, the size of ozone hole in Antarctic area kept growing steadily and reached at 240,000 square kilometers in 2000. Comparing with other two gases, the production of freon has undergone the largest degree of fluctuation, while that of NO2 and H2O2 has generally increased.  
  
The year 1985 witnessed a big change taking place in freon. To illustrate, the production of freon has been rising rapidly since 1980, peaking at 200,000 metric tonnes in 1985. Since then, however, its production began to fall to a great extent, reaching the bottom of 40,000 metric tonnes.  
  
In contrast, the production of NO2 and H2O2 was markedly growing from 1990 to 2000, reaching 158,000 metric tonnes and 80,000 metric tonnes respectively, while both of them stabilized between 1985 and 1990.  
  
To sum up, the production of NO2 and H2O2, which contributed to the damage of Anatarctic ozone hole, will continue growing, and that of freon seems to keep decreasing in the future.  
  
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@Eileen0216  
I think you wrote a fairly good essay. In your first paragraph you summarize the information in both chart. I have some reckons as follow  
  
You should use some cohesive device to link yoir two ideas in your second paragraph and be more careful with prepositions (should be "reach" not " reach at").  
  
You should also revise your verb tenses. The information in the chart is in the past so you should use past simple instead of present tenses.  
  
In your conclusions you included your prediction which is redundant. The question only ask syou to summarize the data. Including your opinion can make you lose mark.