dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**music should not be taught in schools instead other subjects such as computers and science should be taught. do you agree or disagree with this statement?**  
  
## teaching science and technology instead of music

  
  
it is argued that art lesson, especially music, is not allowed to be put in curriculum when teachers teach in school, some people think information technology and science more important to be learnt by youngster today. this essay will discuss about why science and technology should be learnt more in educational institution.  
  
According to urgency level between music and computer technology and science, music is not too urgent to be taught in school. it is because development of technology is increasing in this modern world, people are demanded to know how to operate digital devices such as smartphone, vending machine, and laptop. moreover, in the near future, all daily activities are connected into the internet. one great example to describe this situation is people now be able to order food through smartphone.  
  
beside that, learning music can be done in everywhere. people can learn music not only in school but also in the cyberspace. there are a lot of websites, which provide information about how to play guitar or how to read block note, to be accessed anywhere and anytime. Grace Vanderwaal is a great example to describe this condition. she won a singer competition, after she studied about playing an ukulele from Youtube.  
  
to sum up, because of development of technology always increase day-by-day, people should prepare themselves to be able to operate high-tech. therefore, school should include science and technology to curriculum instead of music lesson.
First, your essay is too short and underdeveloped. A task 2 essay must be at least 250 words.  
Also, you should use capital letters at the beginning of each sentence.  
Second, this is a question asking for your opinion, so you should include your opinions in your essay, at least in the introduction and the conclusion.  
  
Finally, your sentences are hard to understand. There are many errors about grammar and prepositions. Your essay lacks conjunctions and you misuses a lot of words.  
  
Take one of your sentences as an example:  
**it is argued that art lesson, especially music...**  
  
If I were you, I would write:  
**It is argued that music as a subject should not be allowed to be on the school curriculum, as some people think that information technology and science are more important for students nowadays.**
**Topic: Caring for children is probably the most important job in any society. Because of this, all mothers and fathers should be required to take a course that prepares them to be good parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?**  
  
Essay  
  
## Better parenthood for improving children development

  
  
It is true that childcare plays a vital role in any country. Therefore, many couples are suggested to take a training course, which aims to provide them with good parenting skills, before having a child. In my opinion, I totally agree with this idea because of the several benefits it can bring to parents and their offsprings.  
  
Firstly, a training course acts as a relief for parenting stress. The transition to parenthood is usually frustrating due to unexpected problems in nursing and educating a newborn. As the child grows up, parents will face a lot of changes in the kid's behaviours, caused by both physical changes, like puberty, and social influence, such as friendship. A well-prepared parent will foresee the challenges, which leads to a less stressful parenthood. They can also be given instructions to figure out a solution whenever a problem appears.  
  
Secondly, children are greatly benefited from their parents' training result. With the good understanding of childcare and children development, parents are able to sympathise with kids' emotions and feelings. This perception helps enrich the family relationships and build a close-knit family, which is the perfect environment to bring up a human being. For instance, adolescents tend to use destructive behaviours, such as smoking and drinking, as a way to prove their maturity and boost their confidence. Without preparation and skills, shocked and angry parents can easily come up with bad solutions, like threatening or beating these teenagers to make them obedient, which only result in a severe damage of their self-esteem, as well as ruin the parents-children relationship.  
  
In conclusion, I strongly support the idea of providing a mandatory course for every soon-to-be parents due to its potential for making parenthood stress-free and improving children development.  
  
(289 words)
I'm not a native speaker, but in my opinion, your essay has good structure and is easy to understand.  
However, I see some small mistakes in your essay:  
**offsprings**  
Nowadays, people usually don't use "offsprings" as a plural form of "offspring". Just write "offspring".  
the training course  
You mention "a training course" earlier so you should add the article "the" here.  
**a problem arises**  
"appear" is fine but "arise/occur" is much more popular.]  
**child development**  
I would use "child development" or "children's development".  
**show/display destructive behaviours**  
**beating these teenagers**  
It's fine, but "beating" sounds informal. I would recommend " use corporal punishment".  
which only results in a severe damage to... , as well as ruins the parent-child relationship.  
  
You should look up " subject-verb agreement" on the Internet.  
"parent-child relationship" is more correct.  
**every soon-to-be parent**  
You need "parent" to go with "every".
@Red Moon  
Hi, thank you for your feedback. However, could you explain to me about "subject-verb agreement" in my sentence that you corrected? I still don't understand :((  
  
"Without preparation and skills, shocked and angry parents can easily come up with bad solutions, like threatening or beating these teenagers to make them obedient, which only result in a severe damage of their self-esteem, as well as ruin the parents-children relationship."  
  
The subject I thought was "bad solutions", so the verbs "to result" and "to ruin" don't have to be changed. Could you please explain where I was wrong? Thank you!  
  
Wow I've done some research online, turned out I was wrong while using "as well as" as a substitution for "and", and verbs after "as well as" always come in -ing form  
  
Source: site.uit.no/english/grammar/aswellas/  
However, I still don't change my opinion about the verb "result". I still think that the subject is "bad solutions", not the whole clause "shocked and angry parents ...".
## excellent business consultant

  
  
Everyone has a dream,and be an excellent business consultant is my goal .  
To become a good cosuant ,have abundant knowledge about business is needed . So in my free time(such as midnight before I get to sleep),I very likes to read business books to border my knowledge.This habit not only could borden my sight but also it always could makes me feel relaxed and have a good sleep.  
  
Please give me some advice that how can I improve this essay,thank you very much!
Jhuang, hope that I can help.  
  
Everyone has a dream, and mine is to be an excellent business consultant on one day.  
  
To achieve that goal / To make that dream comes true, I have to acquire abundant of knowledge for business. So/Therefore I used to read a lot of books about business whenever I am free, before the bedtime in particular. This (reading) habit not only help me to broaden my horizon but also to de-stress which help me to get a good night's sleep afterward.
Jhuang, this is more of a statement than an essay. So you should present short but clear sentences Since you are a new English language learner. It will be best for you to write short complete sentences instead. Try not to use too many punctuation marks at this point and just keep using periods until you become comfortable with using it. As your sentences become longer and you begin to learn how to combine 2 thoughts in one sentence, you can start using commas and expanding your punctuation mark use per sentence presentation. You need to be able to present this particular statement in a narrative manner. Something like the following:  
  
*Everyone has a dream. My dream is to become an excellent business consultant. In order to achieve my dream of becoming a good consultant, I need to have ample business knowledge. That is why during my free time, usually before I go to bed at midnight, I like to read business books that can broaden my knowledge. This is a habit that not only helps me to improve my knowledge and business skills, but also helps me to have a good night's rest.*
## the popularity of several tourist attraction in Britain (1999)

  
  
A glance at the charts provided reveals the distribution of visitors to several types of tourist attraction (namely Wildlife Parks& Zoos, Historic Houses&Monuments, Museum&Galleries and Theme Parks), Theme Parks in particular in Britain in 1999. From an overall point of view, there were differences in the percentage of tourists coming to these destinations  
  
From the pie chart, it is apparent from the information supplied that Theme Parks was the most well- known type with 38% visitor, followed by Museums& Galleries being lower than 1%. In the meantime, the lowest proportion of visitors was recorded in Wildlife Parks& Zoos with no more than 9% surpassed by a wide margin by Historic Houses&Monuments.  
  
With regard Theme Parks, one particularly interesting for highlighted by the figures is that Blackpool Pleasure Beach accounted the highest distribution of tourist with 47%. However 10% was the percentage of vistor recorded in Chessington World of Adventures and Legoland, Windsor. The difference between Alton Towers and Pleasureland, Southport in the distribution was minimal
**Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?  
Young people today have no influence on the important decisions that determine the future of society as a whole.  
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.**  
  
## young is the future

  
  
Young people are regarded as the minority to the society, compare to the adult. Therefore, some people argue that youngsters have little influence when it comes to making crucial decisions about the future of society as a whole. However, I believe that young people are powerful to make important impacts on the society.  
  
To begin with, young people are excel at using the power of social media to spread their ideas across. In other words, social media enable us to spread information and ideology more efficient than traditional media such as television and newspaper. For example, thanks to the internet, the Sunflower Movement happened in Taiwan two years ago quickly gather students' strength to resist the trade pack passed by the government. Were it not for the easy access to the information distribution on the facebook, young people are not able to influence the decision of the government.  
  
Furthermore, young people are more educated; therefore, they would not be confined in the outdated knowledge and would make some difference to the society. For instance, international relationship becomes more complicated in this era. Young people learn the updated information about economy, politics, and law, equipping them with the ability to rule the world in the future. On the other hand, the adult nowadays fails to catch up with the pace of youngsters would gradually lose their significance in the future.  
  
Last but not least, younger generation is braver than the older one. Namely, they dare to speak up their discontent to the authority, creating chance to improve the recent situation. An example to illustrate is the gay marriage protest globally. In the past time, homosexual relationship is viewed as sickness due to the people give in to such discrimination. However, young gay groups nowadays are brave enough to request their human rights via protesting. Eventually, some countries begin to legalize the gay marriage and such achievement is due to the endeavor of the young people.  
  
In conclusion, young people are able to change the future of the society because they know how to use the social media to get their message across, more educated, and braver than the older generation.
Helen, you have written a very authoritative response to the direct question posed before you. However, you need to make adjustments to your third paragraph where you say that young people are more educated and hence, have a better understanding of politic, economy, and the law. That statement is only acceptable if you make a reference to there being more educated graduates in these fields of study. Not all educated people will be proficient in terms of knowledge and skills to argue about it in those areas.  
  
In the concluding paragraph, you did an acceptable job of summarizing the previous discussion. The only missing part? You forgot to reiterate or repeat your disagreement with the believe that young people do not influence the decision making process with regards to the future of our society. Speaking of society, do you best to not use any phrases or words from the original prompt as in when you said  
  
the future of society as a whole  
You must always completely change the original presentation using different words. That is a very slight error on your part that is practically negligible but I felt a need to point out because in an actual test setting, you could be limited in the increased LR score that you can get because of an incomplete paraphrase of a statement made in the original presentation. Try to showcase your English vocabulary to increase that scoring consideration by not using the same words as the original.
*title: Some people say that the only reason for learning a foregin language is in order to travel to or work in foregin country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foregin language. discuss both these view and give your own opinion.*  
  
## what is the purpose of learning foreign languages?

  
  
Nowaday, a trend of learning a second languague is gaining popularity considerably. Many people agree that their main purposes for that are job and trips in foregin countries, but others can find more different aims. From my perspective, each of people will have a individual goals for studying another language.  
  
On the one hand, most people hold view that they only need a foreign language when they work or travel to another country. Ordinarily, language is a sole tool for human to communicate and understand each other. A person can not work if they do not know exactly what your boss or colleagues are saying; similarly, a person also will not have a pleasant trip if they con not communicate with any people. For a long time, they may suffer from a shock or stress; because they do not want live under that, they must learn a foreign language in a different country.  
  
On the other hand, others disagree that it just exists two aims for learning language. They believe that the second language can bring more gold advantages for work and personal life without living in foreign country. For instance, their special subjects require more knowledge written by another language, they want to definitely expand relationship with international friends, or simply, they want to be able to sing or understand a foreign songs and novels smoothly.  
  
I believe that learning a foreign language have never been wasted, because language is a fundamental measure that could be implemented to tackle problem of barriers of culture and horizons. Thus people can want to learn the another language because of their linguistic passion, career, journey, migration, etc. Individuals' purpose are effective and corresponded with the goals of their life.  
  
In conclusion, while many people only pay attention on foreign language when they work or travel to another country, others have more motivation to do it. I agree with all of purposes because they are obviously praiseworthly.
*It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion ?*  
  
## difference between right and wrong

  
  
People with strong decision making capabilities have achieved more success because they learnt the difference between right and wrong at early stage of their life. Many people argue that giving punishment to children is required to teach them this difference. I completely agree with the statement because child will understand the intensity of making a blunder and extreme emotions have long lasting effect on them in future.  
  
Degree of punishment is directly related with the level of crime. Law and order try to find level of crime based on the arguments from both sides. This decides for how long an accused person have to stay behind bars. Teachers and parents also treat children in same manner to teach them about the things which should be avoided in future. For instance, if a student steal some stuff of other student then teacher should suspend him to teach that its unacceptable by society. So that he can understand what is wrong.  
  
Human brain perform a lot of activities at same time but extreme emotions always stays for a longer duration. People will always remember their happiest and saddest day of life and have better understanding about the reason behind that. If parents punish their children when they commit some mistake which could lead to major crimes in future. Doing such a task might hurt parents as well but child will never repeat it in future. For instance, as per the survey done by Indian Institute of Management, 90% people who never commit any crime in their life had wacked by their parents in early part of their life.  
  
To sum up, this essay discussed about teaching children, what is good and what is bad for them by extreme emotions and level of mistakes. In my opinion, i completely agree that children should well aware about what type of reaction the will get based on type of action they perform.
Hope that I can help.  
  
First of all, it would be good if you can help to explain the below:  
  
"People with strong decision making capabilities ..." Sounds like decision making is nothing to do with ethics and morality, unless the 'right and wrong' you are talking about actually the 'right or wrong decisions'...  
  
"have achieved more success" - do you mean have better achievement? If so then you are talking the achievement in what, life/wealth/career/BEING BIGBADGUY?  
  
"children will understand ..." because you use "them" later on this sentence. BTW, what is "the intensity of making a blunder"? Is it refer to the act on right or wrong?  
  
Would you mind tell what is "extreme emotions" means to your essay?  
  
In the second paragraph, I guess you are trying to explain the relationships of crime and punishment and their determinants in penalty in the real world. And then to apply that to the school to support your argument. However, you only show "school suspension" which I would expect (maybe I am wrong) to see the different 'level' of retributions...  
  
"... when they commit some mistake which could lead to major crimes in future", do you mean 'to avoid them to commit major crimes' instead?
Baljeet, you have an unnecessary focus on crime in this discussion. The essay only asks about the degree of your agreement or disagreement with the idea that children should be punished in order to learn right from wrong. The discussion of corporal punishment (whack or spanking) is out of line as those are not specifically mentioned in the prompt. There are other forms of punishment that can be applied to children to help them learn from their mistakes.  
  
Do not do research for this type of test. As you know, there are limitations to your computer use at the exam center. There won't be any for this pen and paper test. That is why you should always use personal experience, personal knowledge, or public opinion in the defense or support of your discussion. Do not practice a form of practice test writing that will not be available to you at the center. If you keep doing that, you will not be able to complete an essay on exam day because you are not resourceful enough to use personal analysis and discussion to complete the task.  
  
The opening paragraph is only a paraphrase or restatement of the prompt. Do not offer any reasoning in that section because the 5 sentence limit per paragraph will not allow you to completely explain the reasoning. That is why you are taught to never do that when practicing the writing format. Instead, stop after offering your response to the question with the explanation for more supporting discussions are to follow.  
  
The same rules apply to the personal opinion. That is supposed to be a completely developed paragraph either in the 3rd of 4th paragraph presentation. You cannot just present an agreement without a complete explanation in the paragraph. For this type of question essay where you are asked "To what extent do YOU..." the keyword that the whole essay is a one sided personal opinion paper is the pronoun reference "you". That means that the first person pronouns such as "I, me, myself" should be used in the body of paragraphs. There is no need to repeat a personal opinion in the concluding paragraph. It should only be mentioned as a reminder of your extent of agreement/disagreement with the given topic for discussion.  
  
You clearly understand the prompt requirements. However, you over-complicated what should have been a simple discussion. Don't over-reach in your discussion by expanding the topic to areas of discussion not represented in the original prompt. Keep it basic and general in tone. That is how you can remain on point with the topic presentation and also, make sure that your reasoning is always in accordance with the prompt requirements.  
  
Limit your writing to 275 words if you can. That is because you cannot expect to have time to edit and revise your paper when you write more than 300 words like you did here. Learn to divide the 40 minutes between all the work that has to be done. Allot no more than 20 minutes for your draft writing so that you will have at least 10 more minutes left for editing and revision.