dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hi @Holt thank you for your remarks. I've finished the final work, please take a look at it and provide me some insights on my writing.  
  
People have been known as creatures who do not really like it when events in their lives change. This resistance to normal changes causes certain problems for those who are unable to cope with the evolution of their lives. However, some steps can be taken to mitigate those potential liabilities.  
  
One of the change human resist is related to the way they need to sometimes change the place where they live. This is because their fear of leaving the familiarity and ambiance of their current residence and friends they have made while settling in in a new place is all about uncertainties. For example, a man who has been living in an apartment in the city outskirts for years and is acquainted with a great number of like-minded friends would find it difficult to move into the city center. Despite of being convenient, his new home is more likely to be small and the fact that he has to do everything from scratch will definitely discourage his willingness to leave. In addition, his children also prefer staying at their old home rather than making new friends at a totally new nursery school.  
  
In an effort to resolve that sort of fear, a person needs to first understand the underlying causes of the change. For children, maybe their parents need to work in a new place. For adult, maybe changing accommodation would be difficult at first, but in the long-term, short commute distance may shorten travel time, thus increase their productivity. In addition, they may seal better opportunity in a new company. The bottom line is when a change being made, a person must first understand what the reasons are for the change to take place. This helps him become less reluctant and more accepting of change.  
  
While people will continue to be resistant to change due to certain reasons, this does not erase the fact that change is required in human lives. Through resistance to change, a person will always accepts it eventually has to happen. With enough thought and reasoning, the problem of resistant change can be overcome in a manner that makes a person accept change.
Hi Nuraya,  
  
As far as i know that academic writing requires us to make a short conclusion and not to come up with a new idea in conclusion body. It seems that your paraphrasing and summarizing skills are needed.  
  
In the first sentences of your first, second and third body paragraphs you have presented main idea but not the topic sentence and your thesis statement.  
  
I think it should be as follow :  
  
First and foremost, we have to organize all of our studying activities. (First and foremost, Having well-organized of all studying activities may helps students getting a better score. ( Despite writing the subject "we" in academic style, it is good to put the writer views out of the essay)  
  
Also as introductory you may write short main ideas, so does in conclusion statement without any additional main idea, just summarize and paraphrase from the previous body paragraph.
Nuraya, I need to know if you are writing these essays as part of your preparation for taking a qualifying English exam or if you are practicing academic writing for a classroom setting. The purpose of your writing will dictate the instructions for the development of your essay. You see, the English test essays have a different set up from the academic one. For example, in a qualifying test, you cannot introduce new information in the conclusion. However, in an academic essay, you may introduce additional information in the conclusion based upon a given set of parameters. Each writing style is unique and centered on a specific purpose. Unless you clarify the actual purpose for the essay, I won't be able to give you truly useful and consistent advice regarding your writing skills.  
  
There are a few things that I can tell you that you did wrong in this essay though. The first is that you introduced a question in the thesis statement. In an essay, whether it be for academic or test purposes, it is best that you do not pose a question in the introduction because that will force a lengthy discussion of the essay instead of a simple, straightforward discussion. Your question must be posed in the form of a complete sentence at the end of the opening paragraph instead. A research paper, makes a statement out of question because your information will justify your point of view or discussion criteria.  
  
Your tone of writing is also inconsistent. You need to make sure that you use solely academic words and statements throughout the essay. Do not use slang or everyday terms such as "stuff". Use academic equivalents because you are not writing a grade school essay anymore. You are writing a college / masters level paper which means, your vocabulary should be more complex and your method of thinking, more serious, thus requiring a more serious tone in your writing.  
  
As for the conclusion, you are struggling with it because you did not really outline your essay. When you write any sort of essay, it is important to list down you discussion points before you draft your essay. That way, you know exactly when you should conclude the discussion and how you plan to conclude it. Basically, if you have already responded accurately to your thesis statement, you can conclude the essay by making one last, strong pitch of additional information that ties in with the thesis statement that you made, then close by reminding the reader that you have fully responded to the thesis statement you introduced in the first paragraph. However, if you are writing for a qualifying exam, you cannot add new information and should instead, just summarize the information you previously provided along with a new paraphrase of your thesis statement.
**As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## growing company means more value for the community

  
  
Entrepreneur activities as a vital part in the social development. Although emparking on market share to build up company is commitment of managers, it also is significant to mention about social responsibilities as one of requirements of business. In this case, I totally agree with this pointview.  
  
Organisation should pay more attention to business development with the contribution of economy. Firstly, the growth of a firm can attract more talents to work for their system. If a company indicates best practices of their vision to recruit people, recruitment team of that company will have a chance to overcome unemployment of human resource of a region. There are some factories that are set up to places as a good direction to create more jobs for local people. Secondly, government have considered business expansion such a source to pay taxes for them investing others section. This kind of budget is a tool of government. With the development of country, enterprise tax can help the government to grow education system, strenghthen their policies or expanding highway.  
  
Enterprise blends into social responsibilites with the power to create change. By corporate sociable responsible activities, companies speak out their voice when raising awareness about environment protection. Local people consider this action as a characteristic of a good brand. It can attract customer by their commitment to environment of place. In addition, other activities such as donating for charity can make a huge impact on social innovation. It is required in investment funds as a condition to be invested. Many companies are doing these works effectively. By rebuilding house, creating education program or planning trees, companies play an integral part of social expansion.  
  
In conclusion, social responsibilties is authentic method of companies when creating values for community. These activities can make a strong brand in customer mindset and make them believe in organisation in the future.
Vinhu, your essay is tremendously confusing to read. There is no clear paraphrasing of the prompt topic, your discussion representation is for the wrong essay, and the coherence and cohesiveness of your discussion per paragraph is just all over the place. This is not an essay that will allow me to have any confidence of your writing skills in the actual test.  
  
For starters, this is not an "emotional" essay because there is no "extent" question with regards to your agreement or disagreement. A simple representation of "agree" or "disagree" would have sufficed. In addition to that, the earlier sentences were supposed to represent your understanding of the prompt requirement and your ability to be able to explain it to the examiner in your own words. I could not wrap my head around what you were trying to say in that opening paraphrase. The confusion in that presentation makes me worry about the tremendously low score that the paragraph can earn for you in terms of task accuracy considerations. That opening statement alone is enough to pass or fail you in this test. Here is how you should have clearly presented the essay paraphrase:  
  
*Businesses acknowledge that their enterprises need to make money. Additionally, business owners also recognize that they have a social responsibility tied into the success of their business in a community. I agree with this point of view for several reasons, which will be presented in this essay.*  
  
Learn to focus your discussion per paragraph on only one topic. In your classes, I am sure that your tutor has told you the importance of presenting only one reason that you can accurately explain to the examiner in the essay. He is not interested in many reasons, just one. Mostly because that one discussion, explained in a total of 5 sentences will help him consider how well you can express yourself in written English. Imagine doing that 5 times in the essay and you will understand why the examiner needs to read about only one reason and one explanation for that reason per paragraph.  
  
A concluding statement must strongly summarize the previously presented discussions in at least 3 sentences. That is because you are being given a chance to show that you fully understood what the prompt topic is about, the reasons why you feel your reasoning is correct, and that your line of reasoning is the best position to take regarding the topic.
## different flavors of salsa

  
  
Salsa is a famous and expected side dish at Mexican restaurants or parties, but are homemade and restaurant salsa different? When a consumer thinks of salsa, at a restaurant, one might imagine a paste like dip. Meanwhile, at the Castillo household, salsa is made to be chunky, and not paste like. Restaurant salsa, depending where a consumer visits, might not have much flavor, part of that may be due to the paste like appearance. Homemade salsa is still chunky, so one may taste the flavor of the onions, peppers, and other ingredients. The difference is the restaurant salsa is ground up together, so all the flavors make one runny like salsa; while homemade salsa keeps all the ingredients chunky to still keep all the flavor of every ingredient. Another difference for the salsas are the ingredients, with some restaurant salsas not having any peppers; for the Castillo salsa includes habanero pepper and jalapeño pepper. While both are delicious, and have some of the same ingredients, these salsas have vast differences.
Kaycee, make it clear that you are going to be comparing generic restaurant salsa with your family recipe for salsa. Then divide the presentation into 3 short paragraphs. The first, introduces the the two types of salsa and the question "what makes each different?" End that introduction with the sentence, "The only way to figure out the difference is to compare the restaurant salsa with my own Casillio family recipe." Then go to the second paragraph and explain what goes into the restaurant salsa that makes it different. The third paragraph, contains your family recipe and what makes it different. The fourth paragraph, should close the comparison by saying at the end, "That's what makes each salsa style different." I know you have a character or word maximum in the presentation so you will have to figure out how to make the changes to the presentation without using paragraphs. Basically, I just gave you ideas as to how to improve the statement. How you get it done, is something only you can imagine because you know the limitations of the statement response.
**The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status**  
  
## men and women enjoying their life

  
  
The bar chart depicts how male and female of five distinctive employment status allocated their spare time over the 1998-99 period.  
  
Overall, men spent a lot of their free time than women. Another visible trend is that, in some employment status such as employed part-time and housewives, just only women had spare time while men did not show any shreds of evidence for giving time to relax.  
  
Free time hours consumed by both genders when they were unemployed and retired were the same. Men always devoted their time to relax in both two sections was higher than women. The figures were slightly over 80 hours and about 70 hours, respectively. Additionally, men were also attracted to have more time to entertain themselves than women in employed full-time. Men's involvement in this status was nearly 50 hours, whereas the figure for women was a little under 40 hours.  
  
In employed part-time status, women spent approximately 40 hours as leisure time while there was no record for any hours spent by their counterparts. This figure rose more than 10 hours for women in Housewives status comparing to employed part-time.  
  
(182 words)  
  
Questions: Do I need to use past tense in all sentences?  
  
*
Khoa, let me try and explain the formatting of the Task 1 essay to you. I feel that I have to do this because you have a very big problem when it comes to representing the contents of the illustrations you are provided for analysis.  
  
Paragraph 1:  
1. Type of illustration  
2. Objective of the illustration  
3. Measurement type including the factors for measurement (age, gender, classification, etc.)  
4. Discussion instruction  
5. Trending discussion (optional)  
  
Paragraph 2 - Discussion of general information  
Paragraph 3 - Comparisons, similarities, and other information  
Paragraph 4 - Optional, any other information required.  
  
Unless otherwise specified, you must always use past tense in the narration of the information. You may however, find yourself using all 2 tenses in the presentation depending upon the information that is presented in the diagram / illustration.  
  
Based upon the above divisions, you should recognize the immediate problem points in your essay. Your biggest mistake is that you limit the use of the actual data from the essay in your presentation. Whenever provided, present the actual hours used by each classification. More importantly, you need to mention the classifications in the summary overview because that is required information for the reader. If you use the format I provided you with above in every essay, you should be able to keep track of the important discussion points and cover all of the required information for the reader.
***The diagrams below show the site of a school in 2004 and the plan for changes to the school site in 2024.***  
  
## School in the past and in the future

  
  
The diagrams depict the plans for a school's development within a 20 year period, 2004 to 2024.  
Overall, alterations have been scheduled regarding the number of students, the buildings, the parking lot and the road, which will be increased. Contrariwise, the size of the sports field will be significantly smaller.  
  
In 2004, the school consisted of two school buildings, separated by a path. On the north east side, there was a large sports field, while a parking lot and the main entrance can be seen on the north west. Additionally, a road on the south west led to the entrance and the parking area, whilst a considerable part of the site was covered by trees. The school was attended by 600 students that year.  
  
Compared to the initial form of the school, an additional building will be constructed on the north east side of the other two buildings, while the size of the path will be smaller and will connect the first with the third building. One more parking station is planned to be made besides the third building, in conjunction with a longer road linking the two parking lots. As opposed to the mentioned developments, the sports field will be relocated to the north east side of the second parking and its shorter size will make space for more trees. Furthermore, the number of students will rise to 1000 in 2024.  
  
*
Hi Melinda, this essay is pretty good. You have managed to properly discuss this essay in an acceptable manner. While there are two methods of discussing this essay, I will applaud your efforts in this presentation because it is obvious that you did your best to develop an impressive presentation for the examiner. You managed to cover all of the points that need to be presented and your presentation of the changes in the the area over 20 years is acceptable. Had I been instrumental in the writing of this essay though, I would have expanded the presentation of the information over 4 paragraphs so that I would have a better chance at developing a more complex and impressive discussion. I would have discussed the old layout in paragraph 2. Then I would present the changes as proposed in paragraph 3. Finally, I would have added information about how the size of the available open space would be reduced by the year 2024. That way, I would have presented a 4 paragraph essay. The 4 paragraph Task 1 essay represents the right amount of paragraphs and sentences / word count that could help you gain a higher final score. Don't get me wrong. You did a good job of representing the illustration in your essay. It just could have been better in my opinion. By the way, watch out for those tricky words when it comes to spelling and lexical resource. There is no such term as contrariwise. What you should have said was "On the contrary" or something along those lines instead.
**Topic: In some countries, many more people are choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?**  
  
Recently, people have a tendency of living on their own, especially in developed countries. On my point of view, this trend could have both positive and negative effects.  
  
The rise in the numbers of one-person households is likely to have the positive consequences for both individual and broader reasons. Firstly, when people choose to live alone, they have choices to experience the new things. On a personal level, being alone in a house requires one to manage a large number of works. As a result, they can gain more skill and know more about things that they could not have known when living with others. For example, they have to cook, wash the dishes, do the laundry or pay the bills by themselves. These things are the life skills that they can get when living alone. For the broader perspective, economic, for instance, an adult who chooses to live alone can contribute to the development of their national industry. When there is just one homeowner for a house, the number of products or services they need are much more, which benefits the host of other companies as well as the country's economic.  
  
On the other hand, living alone also brings to these people lots of troubles. First of all, rather than the feeling of being independent, the person who lives alone may experience the feelings of loneliness, being home-sick and worry. They miss out their family's support or daily conversation with family's members. Trying to do the whole things that each person in a real family has to do may stress them with nervousness. They can feel the overload of their life and sometimes be tired and bored. What's more, being on their own when they are old enough makes them manage their budget and bear the weight of all household bills and responsibilities. From this financial point of view, if the demanding in housing rises, they are likely to push up poverty prices and rents.  
  
In conclusion, choosing to live alone will have to face up both the beneficial and detrimental effects on individuals and on the economy.
Nguyen, this essay did not follow the prompt requirement for the discussion. The instruction is asking you if this is a positive OR negative development. When the discussion instruction includes the word OR, that means you are to pick only one side of the discussion to present and support in the essay. The only time that you are to present 2 points of view in the essay is what the discussion instruction indicates "Discuss both points of view". Without that specific instruction, when you read the word OR in the instructions sentence, then you must only represent one side of the issue. That is all that is required of your to do. Now, because you did not discuss the essay based on the original prompt requirement, and your paraphrasing of the original prompt is faulty, this essay is guaranteed not to get a passing score. You have automatically failed to prove your English comprehension skills, which means a failing TA score. I am sorry to be so blunt but there is no other way of putting it. You did not follow the instructions provided. Therefore, the essay will get a failing score for all major considerations in the scoring system.
## free educational system

  
  
**Question:** Students should pay the full cost of their own university studies, rather than have free higher education provided by the state.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.  
  
**Answer:**  
The topic of university fee remains controversial, as some people feel that students should finance their own studies, while others argue that higher education should be supported by the government. Personally, I believe that university should be free to all students.  
  
Firstly, the cost of education is much higher nowadays compare to the past, and this is especially true in Vietnam. Many students have to worry about the expense for accommodation, travel, textbooks,.. once they get into universities, and the high tuition fees will only exaggerate their financial problems. Not many are able to pursue their study without getting a job or applying for a loan, even if they get scholarships. This could greatly affect their study at schools, leading to poor results. Some may have no choice but to drop out, and in several cases, decide not to enter university at all. This situation only gives advantages to students with wealthy background, thus widen the already large gap between the rich and the poor.  
  
Secondly, investing in education will certainly benefit society and the economy greatly. A free education system creates more opportunity for students, and when they graduate, they will no doubt have more refined skills and become valuable workers. As they receive high salaries, they will pay more in taxes and spend more money on goods and services, which in turn contribute to the domestic economy.  
  
In conclusion, because of the many advantages of a free educational system, I am convinced that it is something we should try to achieve.