dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***Some people believe that reading stories from e book better than watching TV or playing computer games for children.  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?***  
  
Opinions are divided on whether reading an electronic book is a more valuable source of information than watching TV or playing computer games for children. Although nowadays television and computer games provide plenty of educational material for younger generation, I believe that reading an e book holds more advantages.  
  
As opposed to television and computer games, reading is an activity which makes the children implement their own imagination and creativity rather than watching something that has been created for them. Furthermore, reading invokes the kids' curiosity when they encounter unfamiliar vocabulary in the text and helps them acquire knowledge about their native language when they learn the word's etymology, pronunciation and spelling.  
  
Another reason, why e book is better than TV or games, is that reading helps children develop such skills as concentration and attention. Like any other skill, reading requires practice, and in order to fully understand the contents of the book, kids need to give their full attention to the text. It also teaches children how to predict and anticipate the development of the plot, thus building such an important skill as projecting their own future.  
  
On the other hand, the knowledge disseminated by vivid pictures on the screen is easier to absorb by children, but the excess of colorful pictures and moving objects can distract the kids, especially the young ones, from other important tasks. Playing computer games can also be very addicting, as a result of which children fail to do well at school. Spending too much time in front of the screen can lead to developing health problems, such as shortsightedness, bad posture, etc. Therefore, reading is better for both health and effectiveness.  
  
As a conclusion, it can be reiterated that reading an e book is a better way of learning for children than watching TV or playing computer games, as it is a more effective and healthier way to acquire new knowledge.
Your response to the prompt created as prompt deviation. That means, you are not discussing the prompt based on the question asked. To make it clear, let me show you where the mistakes lie in the presentation:  
  
*OP: To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
YR: I believe that reading an e book holds more advantages.*  
  
As you can see, the response should have been a measured representation of your agreement to the given statement. It was not supposed to be and advantage/disadvantage response. An example of a more appropriate response is:  
  
*I strongly agree that reading ebooks...*  
  
Due to that deviation in your response, the TA will be marked as tangential and with an inappropriate response format. It will not achieve a passing mark. Your GRA score will also suffer due to the run-on sentences in every paragraph. You failed to appropriately use complex and simple sentences in the presentation. This affected the coherence of your discussion and created an non-cohesive paragraph presentation in the process. Therefore, the essay will not achieve a passing score.
Hi, I am novice here, I'm praticing for ielts task 2, I hope that you guys can give me some advice for my composition.  
  
## gender-specific jobs?

  
  
Men and women prevalently have different pros and cons. Some people argue that there should have gender-specific jobs for them. However, In my opinion, women can perform well in male-dominated jobs and vice versa.  
  
It is undeniable that men and women are inherently born with certain characteristics. Men tend to do jobs that suit their unique physical capacities such as pilot, laborer, mine worker..etc. Women, however, are more likely to take the jobs required less strength and more dexterity. Taking nurses as an example, female nurses are probably more caring and empathetic than men counterparts do so patients may find it comfortable with the help of female nurses.  
  
On the other hand, some individuals have proof that they can perform excellently in jobs which are believed to be the best fit for the opposite sex. For instance, Margaret Thatcher used to be the Prime minister of the United Kingdom, is concrete evidence that women can run a government effectively. Male teachers have shown that they have a better understanding of boys' problems and they give them valuable advice for them to solve it than their female teachers do.  
  
In conclusion, Making a change in the gendered occupation is challenging. However, I deeply believe that individuals should not be refrained from doing their dream jobs due to their sexes
Without knowing what the actual prompt is, I would not really be able to provide a complete review of your work. However, I can point out the errors in your work, on a general basis, which would still have a serious effect on your final score.  
  
It would be difficult for your essay to get a passing mark in this instance because the points deduction in the TA section, based on the missing word count would just be too severe. You are missing 32 words to meet the minimum requirement of 250 words. Add the grammar and spelling problems to the mix and the essay will truly not have a chance of achieving a passing score.  
  
Students often get mixed up when spelling in British and American English. You will need to decide which version of the word spellings you want to use and make sure that you use that format throughout. The examiner will make allowances for spelling differences but, it would be in your best LR interests to spell the words such as laborer (labourer) in British English. An examiner will be impressed if you can show that you understand the grammar differences between the two types of English languages. Never use "etc." in an academic essay. Though it means "and so on and so forth". the examiner doesn't appreciate such short cuts in academic presentations.  
  
Double check your essays before submitting for a grade. You have double punctuation marks in this essay and a capitalization for the word "in" when it should have been written in lower case. Believe it or not, such errors would produce heavy deductions in the LR and GRA scores of your essay. The combination of these errors would result in a less than passing score.
## where learning English is the most efficient?

  
  
I need your help in editing my writing task 2  
Title : Nowadays, more and more foreign students are going to English-Speaking countries to learn the "international language - English". It is undoubtedly true that studying English in an English-speaking country is the best way, but it is not the only way to learn it.  
  
Do you agree or disagree with the above statement?  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  
You should write at least 250 words  
  
All countries in the world in general as well as each individual in particular almost no verbal confrontation that English take a vital role and how the magnitude and the widespread it is. There is said the most effective absorb this international language that students should study abroad in a nation whose use English daily activities, i agree with this way. Additionally, I think students also can learn English in their own countries such as practice talking English with tourists from English speaking-countries, studying in the Internet.  
  
Regarding to the way going to learn in English speaking-countries really influenced on developing English skills. Apparently, foreign students can improve and advance their English level because they live in a genuine English dialect environment, therefore their speaking, hearing or reading English ability will be consolidated and their mistakes also corrected by native speakers. Furthermore, the factor environment is a tool to motivate international students to use English to communicate because it is compulsory for using the target language all the time because whenever they speak in their mother tongue, there will have no one to comprehend what they say, which is support foreign students become more confident using English. Subsequently, learning in English environment will inspire international students practicing with thinking in English, and also give them opportunities to acquire knowledge from linguistic culture.  
  
Turning to the other ways to learning English, obviously that studying abroad is minimal require about health, finance, scores, hence it is not easy to many foreign students to study in English-speaking nations. Nowadays, due to the popularity of English, there are many schools and language centers are established in students home country, which is give merits for students without worrying, low-self-esteem or homesick because they are studied on their land. Furthermore, students can learning English practice speaking English in some place where attract foreign tourists, or watching movies English such as Friends, how I met your mom or big bang theory to learn idioms, metaphors.  
  
In conclusion, learning English in home country or in English-speaking countries have different benefits for students, which is almost depends on learner's attemptation.
You may want to rethink your word count in the future. 351 words is considered overboard in Task 2 writing. Based on the 40 minute time requirement, you cannot write that many words. Most specially when you consider that all of the sentences that you wrote were just long sentences. Run-on sentences, as these are known, tend to decrease the clarity and direction of your discussions. It causes several points deductions under the GRA and C&C scoring blocks. The examiner will have a difficult time following your flow of thought and as such, might mistakenly mark down your TA accomplishment as well. You don't have to keep the essay very short, but it doesn't have to be very long either. 275-300 words is usually sufficient to allow for editing time during the actual test. Remember, this is not a research paper, it is an opinion paper. Direct discussions that showcase your English comprehension skills matter more to the examiner than you trying to show off your vocabulary and ability to write a lot of English words.  
  
You have a little prompt deviation in your paraphrase paragraph. You needed to indicate a degree of agreement, not just an agreement. Additionally, you were not asked to discuss why students should learn English in their own countries. That caused prompt deviations which will be deducted from the TA score. The best way to score better ? Don't add personal discussion topics and stick to responding to only the prompt question while discussing only information based on the prompt topic.  
  
Each sentence in your paragraph presentation is over discussed but lacking in clarity due to the sentence length presented. Use no more than 5 sentences of moderate length to ensure that you will be able to deliver both simple and complex sentences that represent the following requirements:  
  
- Topic sentence  
- Justification  
- Justification 2 (optional)  
- Example or personal experience  
- Transition sentence
1.Introduction part may need to be brief, so that you can reduce the word count.  
2.you don't have to give practical example in the introduction part , you can use general words to conclude(ex: There are mainly two reason that I will explain why I think this way.)  
  
3.**practice talking English with tourists from English speaking-countries & studying in the Internet**can be your main idea of topic sentence in Para2&3 (also need to be short and clear)
## the aspects of Communication via internet

  
  
**Topic:Nowadays, more people are choosing to socialize online rather than face to face. Is this a positive or negative development?**  
  
Today more and more people tend to build their relationship on the Internet replace with in person. In my opinion, I think it will become a positive development in the future. There are several reasons for this situation to explain under the following.  
  
The primary reason is the distance for each other. With our transportation system growth, people can go anywhere easily so we will know different nation people in the world. Most time it is difficult to meet each other face to face because we are far from each other. For example, once a time I traveled to German, I made a new friend, Ann, at that time. She is an English girl. During the travel, we chatted and become a good friend and at the end of the tour, we change our information and keep the friendship until now. Even we're not meet each other but we connect to each other on social media.  
  
Another reason is that some people need to leave their family for work or study, for these people when they miss their family or old friend they only can use the online way to talk and see them. Just like my best friend, Janny, she studied abroad, it is hard to see her in the real so we through skype to video chat. Even she was far from me but we feel close to each other.  
  
In conclusion, although it is still limited by distance, with the Internet we can connect the people we want in everywhere. Therefore, socialise online has became more popular for the whloe world and I think it will be a positive trend.
You did well in your essay, even though there are some gramitical mistakes, such as  
1- I traveled to German, and I made a friend.  
2- face-to-face.  
3- we became not become/ we changed not change/ kept not keep(because you used past tense for previuos verbs).  
4- They only can use(it should be they can only use).  
5- It is better to write ( they can only talk and see each other online) instead of (they only can use the online way to talk and to see them).  
  
6- Iyou must write (she is studying abroad) instead of (she studied adroad because you used present tense for the rest of the sentence)  
There are some spelling mistakes like Germany not German.
Hi,  
  
I think for this kind of topic, you need to discuss both views, and then you can state whether one view outweighs the other.  
Also, I think you should be careful about punctuations, e.g. Today, more and more ... ; Another reason... work or study. For these people, ... -> I would break this sentence into 2 sentences, or you can use conjunctions to connect the idea.  
  
Hope this useful.
The essay is speaking of social media. Not the internet in general. Therefore your line of reasoning varies within the presentation, causing you to deviate in representation from the original prompt. There will be deductions every time you move away from the original prompt. Additionally, you should never use words of uncertainty in an essay that demands a solid be presented. That is because an uncertain reaction to the prompt means that you are unable to strongly defend your position and beliefs on the matter.  
  
Your second paragraph gives a reason, but there is no topic sentence at the start. You should have started it off with something like; "We live in a constantly connected world. Distance is often the primary reason we tend to lose physical relationships with people we meet. " Or, you should have just started with the second sentence which has a clear topic sentence representation in " Most time it is difficult to meet each other face to face because we are far from each other. " Although imperfect grammar wise, the meaning of the sentence is clear. Remember, topic sentences make it easier for the examiner to understand what the paragraph will be all about.  
  
I can see the effort you made to try and make an impression with your vocabulary. The problem, is that you are not yet at that status where you can try and use advanced English sentences properly. You are only at the simple sentence creation stage. You need to read more English based materials and, using a dictionary, learn the meaning of words so that you can use these properly in the sentences. Most of your points deductions will be in the C&C, LR, and GRA sections. These will be quite heavy deductions because of the degree of mistakes made in the final presentation.
Please help me to edit my essay below. I really appreciate your help.  
  
## changes in number of British students in further education

  
  
*Title: You should spend about 20 minutes on this task  
The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they are studying full time or part time. Sumarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant.*  
  
The chart shows the changes in number of British male and female students in further education, both part-time and full-time during three periods  
In part-time study, the number of men decreased slightly from 1 million in 1980/81 to over 800 thousands in 2000/01. On the contrary, the number of women engaging increased steadily from around 650 thousands to 1.1 million.  
  
Meanwhile, the trend of students enrolling in full-time education in both genders was obviously upward. In 1980, there were only below 100 thousands men studied full-time. This number rose gradually to below 200 thousands in 2000/01. Similarly, only about 50 thousands women participated in full-time courses in 1980 but this number increased dramatically to below 200 in 1990 and by 2000, the number of male and female student became equal.  
  
In conclusion, the data clearly shows that women gained more and more equality to men in term of further education during the periods in question.  
  
*
Para 2:  
"On the contrary, the number of women engaging **in part time study** increased steadily " 3:  
  
para 3:  
" In 1980, there were only below 100 thousands men **who** studied full-time."  
  
Conclusion is totally wrong.First of all it wasn't needed.Secondly question isn't mentioning that women were/weren't equal to men. you assumed it. The examiner will cut marks for this. And there wasn't any overview. Cut the conclusion and write an overview after your intro.  
  
Hope this helps.
You have a noun phrase problem in the essay. It is thousand not thousands. The summary of information should contain the years referred to in the chart, the type of chart (bar chart), and the measurement type (thousands). Your last sentence, which is the trending statement, would have been better served being placed as the last sentence of the summary overview as that is the section that gives a total run-down of the available information.  
  
The following sentence portion is a contradiction in your presentation:  
  
*This number rose gradually to below 200..*  
  
The term "rose" in this sentence means "to increase". Which means the measurement should have been increasing. It is incorrect to say "rose gradually to below" but it it is correct to say "the number gradually decreased to below..." Avoid using terms that have meanings you are not familiar with. You can use it in the wrong manner, as in this example, and end up having deductions in your LR plus C&C scores. Which is definitely what would have happened with the scoring for this essay in an actual setting.
## childcare, house work and gardening activities among married men and women

  
  
**The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening.)  
  
Describe the information presented below, comparing results for men and women in the categories shown**=  
The bar chart compares how married male and female in three different categories spend hours on unpaid jobs at home, such as childcare, house work and gardening per week.  
  
In general, no matter how many children a married woman has, she always works more unpaid hours per week than a man does.  
  
As can be seen from the diagram, the number of unpaid hours of childless women overwhelms that of women with children. If a female without children averagely use up 30 hours a week doing home activities, that figure is almost twice in the case of the 1 to 2-child moms and 3-child moms for approximately 50 and 60 hours in respectively.  
  
Looking at married men's data. While there is a comparable difference in time used on unpaid work at home between women of the three kinds aforementioned, men from all groups spend the same average amount of 20 unpaid hours.  
  
(152 words)  
P/s: I'm grateful for all of your responses. I'm really worried about my poor writing. I aim 6.5 in Ielts writing or above.  
  
*
In your second paragraph, you miss stating your argument and reasons and you just jump into giving evidences about fresh graduates from US...Therefore, this paragraph structure is wrong.  
  
In your third paragraph, the first sentence does not play its right role (still without main argument like the paragraph above)  
About the language. I think some phrases are not suitable to use in writing Task 2:  
In general speaking,...  
We need not to forget that....  
faced many difficulties to find a job--> had difficulty finding a job (I learn that this is a right structure)
This is an IELTS Task 2 question. Are you practicing to take that test? You did not specify if you were. I will pretend at this point that you were actually working towards taking the IELTS test and judge your essay accordingly. For starters, the task only allots 40 minutes for the response. That means you cannot write a research paper length essay for it. At 582 words, this is not an exam essay, this is a research paper. It doesn't sound to me like you are writing a research paper since there are no quoted sources in your presentation. All the more reason for me to believe that you are writing for a Task 2 essay. Next time, use a timer. You will see that you cannot write this many words within 40 minutes.  
  
You should not "hold this opinion" for the essay. You should give a direct response to the question based on a simple paraphrase of the given topic. The basic rule is: Give a direct response for every direct question you receive, in the section it was asked. There is no need to use a textbook definition of happiness. You already knew that you were going to be basing your explanation on a personal point of view. So there was no sense in doing that. In fact, I am wondering why you are defining what life is when the question is about whether or not people are happier because they move from one place to another. Perhaps you were trying to be philosophical, but that wasn't what the question was about.  
  
If you will insist on mentioning statistical studies, you will need to give the data specifically and the source of the information. For a task 2 essay, it is better to opt for common knowledge and personal experience. Otherwise, there is a question as to the validity of your claims and whether these are truly applicable to the task.  
  
You failed to use proper paragraph presentations. I believe I had already told you once before that you need to separate the discussion topics for clarity and ease of reading. Try to do it next time. You will see a change in the clarity of your work.