dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## **CITY LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL**

  
please check for me grammar errors, ideas, repeating words whether this is descriptive paragraph or not if not what kind of paragraph i am writing . Topic sentences, controlling idea, conclusion,... Thanks for your advice.  
  
City is beautiful in many ways,i love the way how its look and how it operates. With some people, they dont like the hustle and bustle of life in the city but to me i like something which is lively and energetic. As you know, life in city is not easy at all. People have to work hard to make their livings, city's citizens nearly busy all the time, which may be the reasons why city is always bustling and lively even at night. Street light with Appearing of new buildings, shopping mall and entertainment center beautify the city that's the reasons why i like the vibrant pace at night in the city. Being busy all the time, but life in city is super convenient, everything is nearby, Infrastructure and facilities are mordern, you also have many opportunities. People here maybe the most important element, i like the way people work and behave. They work hard in industrial style but still helpful when other people need help, some people are sometimes selfish and heartless that you have to careful. It is indisputable that living in city is not easy at all, people have to deal with many problems such as pressure from work, deception, competition and many other things. Maybe these things make city life more interesting.To sum up, life in city sometimes difficult but its still beautiful and attractive.
Quynh, you have written 230 words, which puts the essay right in the middle of the word requirement. Good job. That will certainly help you with your writing exercises. The more you write, the better you will get. However, you made several errors in the essay ranging from spelling to grammar and vocabulary choice. Let's asses where the mistakes were made and how to correct them.  
  
With regards to your writing skills, I am not sure if you are doing a written or typewritten exercise. The electronic submission you created showed that you sometimes forgot to his the space bar between words and after a period. This creates a problem when reading your work as the lack of spacing makes it difficult to decipher the word at first glance. Always remember to hit the space bar after every word and punctuation mark for clarity purposes. You should also learn to recognize when to use a comma to place a pause between related sentences. In this essay, you created long sentences that needed to be separate either by a period or a comma. You also did the opposite in some instances and used commas instead of periods, which formed run-on sentences for the reader. Avoid combining two or more ideas in one sentence as it takes away from the clarity of your writing.  
  
When you use contractions, remember to use the apostrophe to connect the two cut words to create a new word such as "do not" = "don't". This was an error you made a few times in this essay as well. If you are writing academically, it would be better to use both words rather than the contraction fro formality sake.  
  
The letter I is always capitalized as it refers to a first person pronoun. Most of the other problems with your presentation relate to your spelling. I guess you were just a bit careless which is why "modern" was spelled as "modenr" in this presentation.  
  
Overall, the work shows that you have the potential to become a fluid English writer. You just need more practice and you have to learn about the advanced English writing rules to help boost the quality of your work. Good job.
## pros and cons of space exploration

  
  
**Space exploration is much too expensive and the money should be spent on more important things.**  
  
Last century has proven to be a golden era in the field of space exploration. Some people say that it is necessary for better understanding of our universe, while others feel that it's sheer waste of money which should be better utilized on more important things. This essay will try to probe both pros and cons of this fascinating science.  
  
Man, since inquisitive by nature, always wanted to know more about unknown. Invention of telescope opened all the doors to this mesmerizing world of stars and galaxies. Before this it seemed impossible to reach the stars. Another important milestone was first manned rocket reaching the Moon. New vistas were opened and many of the previous theories were proven wrong. Now scientists are readying themselves to explore Mars which is nearest planet to our Earth.  
  
Another important aspect which should be considered is that we cannot deny the fact that a day is not far when Earth will no longer be able to cater to ever growing population. We cannot wait till that day to look for other options as this might take many decades. So logic says that it is better to search new planets where human life can sustain as we do not know how much more time we have in hand.  
  
Some people argue that since it is very expensive venture, it should not be encouraged. They feel that this money should be utilized in giving basic facilities like food , water and shelter to everybody. They feel that it makes no sense in exploring space when people are dying from hunger and diseases. Better infrastructure should be our priority rather than spending on something which we do not know really exist.  
  
I personally feel that it is true that basic facilities are more important than anything which can be delayed for the time being. But then that holds true for everything that does not belong to basic facilities like Art, Music, Medicine, Fashion etc. Development should be all-round. We as a society cannot develop by focusing just on basic needs. With this attitude we would not have been able to develop medicines and support art and music. The more logical and sensible approach should be to develop this technology together by sharing technical knowhow and cost of the project, not as a residents of different countries but as residents of Earth. This would definitely help us to develop ourselves as human beings.
Hi, your writing is not bad, but I think your essay could have been a bit better organized. Your first body paragraph did not really contribute to your thesis at all. If you want to include some of this background information, it is better to put it in your introduction. You basically have one reason per paragraph, but usually it is better to have two - for instance what about all the scientific knowledge we could gather from manned space travel? Or for the cons, why not use telescopes here on earth to study the universe instead of putting human astronauts' lives at risk? Here are some specific suggestions:  
  
[The] Last century [proved] to be ... Some people say that [continuing to venture into outer space] is necessary ... others feel that [it is a] {avoid contractions in formal essays} sheer waste  
  
... try to probe both [the] pros and ... science.{"space exploration" is not a science, it is a means of furthering astronomy, physics, biology, and so on, all of which are sciences}  
  
Man, since [he is] inquisitive by nature,{or, "man, inquisitive by nature. ..." } [has] always wanted to know more about [the] unknown. [The] Invention of [the] telescope opened  
  
... Before this[,] it seemed impossible  
  
... milestone was [the] first manned  
  
... to explore Mars[,] which ..  
... Earth ... be able to cater {"cater" sounds a little odd - Earth is not really our servant} to [its] ever growing population.  
  
... it is better to {it is unclear whether you mean "search for new planets" or "explore new planets" } where human life can sustain {life does not sustain, we need to find "planets that can sustain human life"} as we do not know ...  
  
... very expensive [to] venture, {this needs another phrase - "venture beyond the solar system" "venture beyond the Earth's atmosphere"} it should ... They feel ... basic facilities {"necessities" might be better} like food ... makes no sense [to explore] space when people  
  
...rather than spending on something which we do not know really exist. {well, we know that outer space exists, along with stars and the planets in our solar system - be more specific about what you say we do not know}  
  
... like Art, Music, Medicine, Fashion etc. {do not capitalize these and do not use abbreviations in formal essays}  
  
... and [the] cost of the project, not as ~~a~~ residents of ... This would definitely ... {this last sentence sounds odd to me}
Sheetal, it does not seem like you are writing a research paper here. It feels like you are responding to a task 2 IELTS essay. The problem is that you approached it from a more complicated perspective that borders on a research paper. For a task 2 essay, you have to use the 2-3 reasoning paragraphs to discuss the project, con, and personal point of view. Due to the missing prompt requirements, I cannot really tell if you provided all of the relevant information. It feels like the first 2 paragraphs were used as double introductions for the topic instead of as a prompt paraphrase and reasoning discussion. I believe that is why the essay doesn't really discuss the pro and con in a complete manner. In addition to that, there doesn't seem to be a properly formatted concluding summary at the end of the essay. It seems to just keep on continuing the discussion instead of ending it. A proper assessment of your content and presentation cannot be completed without the prompt requirements. Please remember to provide it next time so you can get a more detailed assessment of your work. Thanks.
## all sports bring great benefits

  
  
Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.  
  
Some people argue that team sports provide player with a wide range of benefits while others think that individual sports are much better. From my perspectives, I think both types of sports have their own benefits and it depends on what purpose people choose to play.  
  
On the one hand, team sports give players opportunities to develop interpersonal skills such as teamwork and communication skills. These benefits not only help people in their day-to-day social interactions but also accelerate their career. Furthermore, team sports offer players the chance to strengthen sense of unity, friendship and sportsmanship between people in a team. In this sense, it really add value to people's live by making them feel a part of something.  
  
On the other hand, individual sports have their own positive effects as well. Firstly, sports played by individuals like tennis or swimming have a profound impact on their personal skills. This means, through these kinds of sport, players are able to manage their emotions, cope with strains and build confidence and self-esteem. Secondly, people who play these sports tend to develop a strong mindset when they do their utmost and brainstorm in order to overcome any setbacks they may face. Finally, one-player sports provide better opportunity for people to challenge themselves by setting goal and achieve the payoff by their own efforts.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that all sports bring great benefits for people's mental and physical health, and people should choose whatever sport they have passion for.
Nguyne, this is a 3 reasoning paragraph essay composed of the following:  
  
1. Public Point of view 1 - Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams  
2. Public Point of View 2 - while people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better  
3. Personal Point of view - Based on your analysis or support of one of the two public points of view.  
  
You have changed the total discussion instruction for this essay to a single point of view. A single point of view essay is only applicable to direct question responses. This prompt deviation can be clearly seen in your instruction paraphrase that explains:  
  
*From my perspectives, I think both types of sports have their own benefits and it depends on what purpose people choose to play.*  
  
when the actual discussion instruction is:  
  
*Discuss both views and give your own opinion.*  
  
The two points of view need to be discussed from a public perspective, not a personal understanding. By saying "On the one hand" and " On the other hand", along with "I think..." You created a personal rather that public comparison discussion for the whole essay. You should have said "One can understand why certain people would support" or "Thinking about the other group's opinion though..."  
  
Regardless of the lack of word count, the essay would still fail because it did not follow the instructed discussion method which addresses the TA requirements.
## Should there be a fixed punishment for each type of crime?

  
  
***Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment  
  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinions.  
  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  
Write at least 250 words.***  
  
Crime and punishment have always sparked debate in human history, and criminal laws are always being challenged and revised to suit the current societies. Regarding this matter, some people maintains that convicts of the same crime should receive the same punishment, while others argue for the circumstances and motivations in each and every crime to be considered in a trial. Although I agree with the latter, there are strong arguments for both views.  
  
Fixed punishments ensure fairness for victims of each type of crime. However different the circumstances of these crimes may be, the damage that the defendant caused to the plaintiff is the same, as agreed by the jury. A case in point is the controversial death of a child in Vietnam, caused by a man who failed to comply with transportation safety standards. The public was confused how his duty to the country made up for his fatal negligence, seeing the devastating effect on the family was not reduced by having their son killed from a veteran. Another point is that the same-punishment law can negate corruption in court. If a criminal resort to connections and bribery, the proposed zero-tolerance policy will increase the chance that he will nevertheless be brought to justice.  
  
However, no crimes are exactly the same, and taking that into account would make a lawsuit more nuanced and acceptable. Just as juries are picked from the community, the verdicts are expected to socially approveable, which absolutely requires empathy. For example, a person delivering drugs once under death threats being treated the same as a member of a drug trafficking ring would cause quite a stir in communities. To make sure lawsuits are being carried out sensibly, we need to allow for fair judgement of everyone involved, who likely have different circumstances and motivation. If the same punishment is applicable to every crime then the judges and jury would be redundant, as only the police would be needed to gather evidence and accuse someone of a crime. This process would go against the gradual development of our law systems.  
  
To conclude, a criminal case should always be processed with as much information as possible, since considering different circumstances are necessary to deliver justice to each and every person involved. It is this flexibility that makes us human and allows for large, interconnected, and supportive communities.  
  
(390 words)  
  
Please give me feedback on my Task 2 essay! I'm going to take a computer-delivered IELTS test, so I went a bit over the word limit because I can type faster.
Just because you can type faster does not mean that you should write 400 words. The timer is still set to 40 minutes, the requirement that you outline, draft, review, revise, and finalize the essay does not change. Don't be cocky. You will end up freezing at the exam center if you are too over confident. It is important that you still write using the 40 minute timer. You will notice that based on all the things you have to do, you cannot write 400 words for the essay, no matter how fast you can type. This is not a typing test, it is an English usage accuracy test. Focus on the right things.  
  
Your second paragraph started out strong, but when you discussed the examples, the presentation fell apart. Again, your focus on typing speed and just typing, instead of typing to make yourself understood, is what caused the confusion and weakness of the paragraph presentation. You lost track of what you wanted to say properly in English and began simply translating from your native language to English. That, always spells a disaster. Your language, when translated to English will always have differences that you need to spot and correct errors for coherence and cohesive purposes, not to mention GRA requirements.  
  
You did not properly use commas in the paragraphs. You should also focus on using the correct punctuation marks. Like I said, this is not about speed typing. This is about accuracy of the use of the English language in an academic setting. Run-on sentences are disallowed.
## employment opportunities vary depending on the gender

  
  
It is argued that males and females are born with distinct qualities, which determine what jobs are open to them. However, I partly agree with this idea.  
  
On the one hand, it is true that there are various distinctions between males and females qualities, which affect their decisions when choosing their own careers. The first difference is about their physical health. Some manual jobs such as builders, farmers or jobs involving in delivering heavy machines are not suitable for women due to their weakness in both physical and mental health. The other distinction is because of traditional education. While parents tend to buy dolls or cooking toys for girls, boys play with cars and robots. Therefore, in the future, women have a tendency to favor caring professionals such as nursing or caring for children and the elderly, for example.  
  
On the other hand, I believe that women and men have equal opportunities in all careers. The first case in point is the conception that make-up artists are traditionally exclusive to women. However, nowadays, there have been more and more men having a passion for this field. For instance, Jay Manuel - a Canadian American make-up artist. Similarly, it is popular for women to become engineers and go to construction sites, as long as they love jobs that they are currently doing.  
  
In conclusion, each man and woman is blessed with different qualities, giving them advantages in some certain areas. However, it is unreasonable to believe that they cannot do other's tasks
*involve s.one in sth or involve + sth/V-ing*  
... jobs involving ~~in~~ delivering ...  
  
~~Therefore, in the future,~~ As a result, women have ... and the elderly~~,for example~~.  
  
*This is an incomplete sentence*  
For instance, Jay Manuel ...  
  
... they cannot ~~do other's tasks~~ succeed in ...  
  
I hope these feedback will help you. If you have time, please help me with my thread as well :D.
Try to avoid presenting over-used expressions such as "more and more" in the presentation. These memorized phrases tend to lower your score because the examiner knows that you are not really trying to form more complex sentences or highlight your English vocabulary. You are sticking to the safe side by using terms that you learned in class. Try to vary your presentation by using less common vocabulary to increase your LR score.  
  
I cannot comment on the content of your essay presentation and its relation to the prompt requirements because you did not provide the original discussion presentation along with your essay. To get a complete review of your work, we require the presentation of the full discussion requirements as per the original instructions. For now, I will only comment on the most obvious problems with your work, regardless of the discussion requirements.
## the importance of art as a subject at school

  
  
*Some people think that art is essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time.  
Discuss both sides and give your opinion.  
  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.*  
  
Individuals hold different opinions on the importance of art as a subject at school. While some question the value of studying art, others believe that it compliments the growth of students who think creatively. This essay will discuss why learning art is beneficial for children.  
  
Art is considered as a waste of resources by some people. This is because they value the knowledge gained in other subjects like mathematics and science. Undertaking such subjects are believed to result in careers, such as doctors and engineers, that provide financial stability. Furthermore, in some communities, it increases their ranking in the social hierarchy. Hence, art is not encouraged by some individuals.  
  
On the other hand, teaching art in school allows flexibility and creativity in learning. The greatest inventions are designed by creative thinkers, for example, aeroplanes designed by the Wright brothers. In addition, not all students are academically driven as their talent may lie in art or other subjects like music and drama. Therefore, the young students may feel motivated when they perform well in fields that they are naturally talented in. For these reasons, art is an essential subject for the development of some students.  
  
In conclusion, whether art is a vital subject for students remains a controversial topic and has divided opinions. On one hand, certain people do not regard art as a beneficial subject to children; however, there are others who recognise its usefulness. I think art is an important component of education system which facilitates the different thinking and learning styles of children.
In my opinion, your essay is very well written. Your vocabulary is rich. Just a few nit-picking things from me.  
  
Undertaking ... result in **financially stable** careers, ... engineers~~, that provide financial stability~~.  
~~The greatest~~ **Many ground-breaking** inventions ~~are~~ **were/have been** designed by ...  
  
I hope my feedback is helpful. If you have time, please help with my interview question too. Thanks a lot.