dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
*Topic: Caring for children is probably the most important job in any society. Because of this, all mothers and fathers should be required to take a course that prepares them to be good parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?*  
  
## Parenting - the most challenging job

  
  
There is no doubt that to be a parent is one of the challenging jobs in the world. In order to accomplish this role, some parents choose to enroll in a parenting class before baby born. Therefore, it is true that a training course prepares a solid foundation for couples to get ready for the next stage of life. There are two following reasons that outline my points.  
  
One reason is that course allows you to make mistakes but the real world doesn't. For examples, Some parenting courses are conducted by professionals who can teach you a variety of parenting skills and how to deal with the challenges. As a student, you can learn by doing during the courses. Furthermore, you have opportunities to ask questions if you encounter any challenges. And it doesn't as easy as a learner if you officially become a parent.  
  
Another reason is that the course gives you a transition before you become a parent. As an adult, we have many roles at one time such as husband, wife, employees, or family's member. It means that our time is limited. As the result, we won't have enough time to commit a course after we encounter the difficulties.  
  
In conclusion, the parenting course has a variety of benefits that prepare you to become a good mom and dad. It does not only teach you caring skills but also prepare your mindset of the new role. It seems to me very essential to have this learning if I become other's parent in the future.
Felicia, while your discussion points for the reasoning part of the instructions are correct, your response to the prompt instruction is wrong. Let me illustrate the mistake for you in outline form first. I will explain the mistake to you after that.  
  
Original Question: To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?  
  
Your Response: Therefore, it is true that a training course prepares a solid foundation for couples to get ready for the next stage of life.  
  
Your Mistake: Lack of extent response.  
  
This is an extent essay which requires a emotional response prior to your discussing the reasons for your opinion. Pick only emotional response and then develop your discussion around that. A sample of a proper emotional response for this essay is:  
  
... I totally agree with this point of view because...  
... I am in full agreement with this statement...  
... I wholeheartedly agree based on the following reasons.  
... I fully agree...  
  
Or any variation therefore. I based the samples upon the fact that you reasoning discusses only the agreement opinion of the essay. Therefore, I can say that your work is partially incorrect and will received a partial grade in terms of TA considerations. Partially correct because of the way that you discussed a strong single opinion in the body paragraphs but only partially correct because of the missing response to the prompt discussion instructions.
Hello,your essay is good .Consider improving by increasing your sample size of the number of people you are considering to interview.Additionally, you can also consider diversifying your sample ;sometimes interview people closer to you will not give you the best feedback.Their response might be biased.Note also that for this essay it is appropriate to give your findings and acknowledge the sources and not necessarily the methods you used in gathering the information unless the essay prompts required that you give the methodology.I hope this can help.Good luck
Raj, you need to make a clear reference to a thesis statement at the start of the essay. When I first read the paper, it felt like I was starting in the middle, with information immediately being offered to me regarding internet addiction. There was no build up or introduction to the topic for discussion. This resulted in a paper that does not come across as a paper that has a focal point for discussion.  
  
I believe that you are writing a methodology paper right? As a methodology paper, you need to avoid first person references as this creates a sort of bias in opinion or method of study. Your method of writing is too informal for a methodology presentation and does not include relevant information such as your estimated results and proposed outcome of the research based on the proposed information gathering methods.  
  
The biggest challenge should not be the interview but rather sourcing interviewees, scheduling the interview, and finding appropriate places to conduct the interview. You may want to look into revising that part a bit.
*people should keep all the money they earn and sould not pay taxes to the state. Do you agree or disagree?*  
  
## 100% of earned money to the pocket

  
  
It is believed that citizens should save all the money they earn and should not give tax for their authority. While, I think this policy exerts many positive effects, I hold the opinion that that they should dedicated a part of their incoming to the governments' budget.  
  
On the one hand, there are some advantages of keeping money for their own. Firstly, most inhabitants live in large cities with high cost of living even though their income can be extremely low. Specifically, there would be likely be a variety of high quality goods and services accompanied by high prices, which means that to afford them, citizens need to work hard and save as much as possible. White collar workers in Vietnam, for instance, have spent over half of their monthly salary just on hiring small rooms in urban sprawls, which makes it convenient for them to commute to their working places. Without a saving plan for such payment, there is no way for them to inhibit in urban areas. Secondly, many city dwellers need to pay for entertainment services including mixing with their peers at the end of weeks or watching movies or travelling, which is extremely essential for getting motivated and refreshing themselves for next working weeks. Obviously, the more money, they can keep, the more things they can do to enjoy life better.  
  
On the other hand, I strongly believe that despites pressing issues of saving for every day expenses, as a citizen, allocating a small amount of money to the authority's budget not only benefit their nation but also for tax payers themselves. The first reason is that public money is likely to go to investments in building or upgrading infrastructures including roads, housing, bridges and specially tourist attraction. These new or updated facilities makes it possible for in habitants to travel quicker place to place within cities and have more things to relaxation. Another reason is that the government often gives priority to improve healthcare. Well-trained doctors, nurses and advanced medical technology eventually, for instance, can help those paying tax have longer life expectancy, thereby living a more happy life.  
  
In conclusion, despites the necessaries of keeping money for every day expenses, I believe that citizens should spend more or less money they earn on paying tax to receive better healthcare systems and infrastructures.
Phuc, you totally changed the discussion prompt for this essay. It appears to me that you misunderstood the prompt question, which is why you ended up giving the wrong response as an opinion for discussion. Let's compare the original prompt topic, reason, and instruction with what you wrote in the opening paraphrase:  
  
Original topic: people should keep all the money they earn  
Reason: sould not pay taxes to the state  
Opinion Question: Do you agree or disagree?  
  
Your topic: citizens should save all the money they earn (CORRECT)  
Reason: should not give tax for their authority (Wrong)  
Discussion Opinion: While, I think this policy exerts many positive effects, I hold the opinion that that they should dedicated a part of their incoming to the governments' budget. (Wrong)  
  
Let me explain the 2 mistakes in your opening statement.  
  
1. The opinion is that people should not give taxes to the government. When you say "give tax for their authority", you mean to say that they have to pay taxes in order to have some sort of power over something like say, the government. That is wrong. What you should have said was "pay taxes to authorities." That is the phrase that best paraphrases the original prompt.  
  
2. The instruction is for you to pick one opinion, either you agree or disagree, you can never say your opinion covers both sides as this is a single opinion essay, and then discuss the singular opinion that you support with justifications and reasonings. Your reasoning is nowhere near the required response. This is not a comparison essay, which is the manner you discussed it in. So you would get a failing score in terms of task accuracy, which could lead to an overall failing score for the essay as well.  
  
Sample paraphrase for this essay:  
  
*There has been an ongoing discussion as to whether or not people should pay taxes for money they earn. People tend to analyze if it is proper to ask people to compensate the government for their earnings through taxes. I don't agree with this statement due to a few reasons.*  
  
Try to use replacement words that would help you restate the original prompt in a manner closer in meaning to the original. Be careful of your word choices because if you use a word that sounds correct but has a different meaning, you end up changing the prompt for the discussion. I believe that is what happened in this instance and it can be easily avoided if you can manage to better understand the requirements of the original prompt and you have the opportunity to carefully choose the words you will use in the opening paraphrase.
*Please give me a Ielts score for this essay. Tks!*  
  
## British students speaking other languages

  
  
**The charts below show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.**  
  
Given are two pie charts depicting the percentage of British undergraduates in England by the years 2000 and 2010. The figures have been presented for comparison purposes according to the six status of students' ability to speak additional languages namely, No other language, French only, German only, Spanish only, Another language and Two other languages.  
  
Overall, the most widely spoken language among tertiary students remained Spanish at roughly a third. Otherwise, one in ten British university students continued to be a German-only speaker. This was the smallest proportion that the numbers accounted for in both years mentioned.  
  
The data collected shows that some 2010's foreign languages saw their moderate popularity gain by 5% each. First, 35% of British undergraduates in England were able to communicate in Spanish only, 5% higher than ten years before. Likewise, the number of students who were conversant in another language started at 15% in 2000 and amounted to 20% in 2010. The 5% growth can also be observed in the figures of 2000 and 2010 for college students in England with a command of two extra languages.  
  
On the other hand, compared to the beginning of the century, British would-be graduates who were able to converse in French reduced remarkably by 5% while 10% more of them could speak at least one language in addition to their mother tongue in 2010. Furthermore, those totalling the same 10% of undergraduates in England as did German-only speakers were either trilingual in 2000 or French-only speakers in 2010.  
  
*
Hello Huyen. You have done a very good job with this essay. So good in fact, that you were able to properly develop a trending statement that helped to boost your score. The comparison discussions are also appropriated developed but with some grammar issues. You have shown a good grasp of the English language to the point when you have written an essay that, although grammatically problematic at some points, was able to come across clearly to the reader who would not be too stressed out in reading your post.  
  
I would rather score you on an individual basis of scoring considerations if you don't mind. That way, you can clearly see, in a self-explanatory manner, where you need to improve with your work in your next essay. My scoring opinion of your work is as follows:  
  
TA - 8  
C&C - 6 (learn more about plural word usage)  
LR - 7  
GRA - 6 (tied into your plural word usage)
## The percentage of rented housing

  
  
Given is the bar chart which compares the proportion of families who owned and rented an accommodation in two countries, England and Wales from 1918 to 2011.  
  
Overall, it is immediately apparent that percentage of rented housing in the above two contries declined steadily in the given period. By contrast, the figure for owned accommodation incresed gradually in the same period.  
  
In England and Wales, in 1918, people preferred to live in rented appartments and more than three-fourth housings were a rented one. On the other hand, just above 20 percent of households stayed in their own house in that year. Afterwards, whilst the percentage of rented accommodation experienced a fall, owned one showed a reverse trend and in 1971 it accounted for half of the total accommodation in England and Wales.  
  
In the next four-decade period, there was almost 20 percent decrese and increase for rented and owned accommodation, respectively. So, more and more people were buying their own places . In the next decade, although the figure for tenants climbed up a little to reach just above 33 percent, it was almost twice less than its counterpart.  
  
*
Susmita, in order to create a more coherent and cohesive summary statement, do not create stand alone sentences and call these paragraphs. A complete paragraph is always composed of 3-5 sentences that contain:  
  
1. The illustration description  
2. reason for the illustration  
3. illustration information  
4. measurement type used  
5. Trending sentence  
  
When you combine these 5 sentences, you accurately complete the prompt overview requirements and also stand to gain a higher score in the TA and C&C scoring considerations. The above format clearly indicates a coherence (connected sentence topics) and cohesiveness (overall importance in the paragraph discussion), which is the aim of the first paragraph in the task 1 essay.  
  
This is one essay that had specific measurements indicated in the graphs. It would have been better for your analytical presentation if you always used the measurement digits and years indicated throughout the essay when discussing the main features. Not doing so tends to create a less informed and confusing report.  
  
You neglected to do a comparison discussion for the figures given in 1971. This was a period of time when both rental and owned homes had the same level of participants / households. That is where the "make comparisons" where relevant instruction came in and you did not recognize that discussion in your essay. That is a very small but important detail that could have helped to boost your TA score even higher.  
  
You did a good presentation of the obvious figures, but did not do a good job with the comparisons. I suggest that you always be on the lookout for comparison points in your future essays as these small details can help to increase your score overall.
Please give me a band score if you can. Thank you for helping me.  
  
WORKING AGE POPULATION  
  
**At present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?**  
  
Nowadays, some countries have working age populations which include a large proportion of residents in their early adulthood. While this type of population has various drawbacks, I believe that its advantages can outweigh the disadvantages.  
  
On the one hand, a population which is full of young adults may cause a series of problems affecting the country's society and economy. Firstly, the growing number of young people might lead to unemployment, as the more candidates there are, the more competitive the job market becomes. Unemployed citizens living in poverty will commit crimes like robbery or behave antisocially. Secondly, owing to the large number of residents, governments cannot provide enough education facilities, healthcare services as well as food supplies, thus people have lower standard of living and quality of life. Finally, the lack of accommodation and other facilities will eventually result in deforestation and environmental destruction.  
  
On the other hand, the advantages a young population brings to a nation are enormous. The prime benefit is that nations full of economically active people will have a large well-educated workforce for high-tech areas, which has a vital role in the fast-paced modern world. Along with a skilled labor force, the population provides its country with a growing market for many manufactured products. Also, people of working age provides a large tax base and are able to take care of both young and elderly dependents as well as afford advanced education for their offspring.  
  
In conclusion, in this fast-moving global economy, having more young adults than elderly inhabitants certainly brings about more pros than cons.
Moon, your essay only responds to the prompt in a tangential manner. This means that you did not appropriately respond to the question being asked. This is a comparison essay for both the old and new generation based upon the advantage of one argument over the other. You focused only on justifying the young adult discussion as an advantage but failed to present the disadvantages of the aging professional population which would have properly justified your reasoning based on the prompt requirements. There are a few keywords that should have clued you in on how to discuss this essay:  
  
Keywords: large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people, advantages, disadvantages  
  
So the focus should not have been on the young adults population for the discussion but rather a 50/50 spread for the discussion over 5 paragraphs. You should not have tried to discuss everything in only 2 paragraphs because you did not have solid justification or explanation for your reasoning. You only indicated topic sentences in every line of the paragraph. That did not really work well in terms of your C&C consideration as well as your GRA skills.  
  
Let me score you based on every criteria in this essay:  
  
TA - 4  
  
C&C - 5  
  
LR - 5  
  
GRA - 5  
  
I think that with this essay your score will be anywhere between a 4.5-5.
## people travelling

  
  
**WRITING TASK 1  
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.  
The first chart below shows the results of a survey which sampled a cross-section of 100,000 people asking if they traveled abroad and why they traveled for the period 1994-98.  
  
The second chart shows their destinations over the same period.  
Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.  
You should write not less than 150 words.**  
  
The table compares the purpose of United Kingdom residents visiting abroad between 1994 and 1998, and the bar chart reveals the destinations of those visitors in the same time period.  
  
Overall, the number of visitors showed an upward trend. A large majority of visitors in every year travelled overseas to spend their holiday, while only a few travelled abroad for business or visiting purposes. Nearly all of them travelled to places in the Western Europe.  
  
The number of visitors gradually rose from 22072 in 1994 to 28828 in 1998. However, only around twenty thousand out of a hundred thousand people have travelled abroad, which proved that not much people actually did visits abroad in those years. A majority of people chose to spend holiday over business meetings or friends gathering.  
  
In the group of twenty thousand visitors, nearly all visitors (around nineteen thousand) chose to visit Western Europe. Less than two thousand and five hundred people chose North America or other areas to visit. The number of people choosing Western Europe and other areas were fluctuating in those years, but in general they had an increasing trend from 19000 to 24000 and from 2000 to 3000 respectively. For North America, the number of visitors increased gradually from 1000 in 1994 to 2000 in 1998.  
  
*It seems like the essay is too long for task 1, which part can be eliminated? Many thanks!*  
  
*   
*graph1*
*   
*graph2*
## Reply for the advertisement in regard of the scholarship

  
  
Dear Sir or Madam,  
I am writing in response to an advertisement that appeared today in the newspaper for an advance excel training course with NIIT starting from 1st June 2018 onwards. I would be grateful if you could permit me to take up this training and help me in getting a scholarship from the company for this course.  
  
Firstly, let me provide you with details of the course, the course mentioned is an advanced excel course which will help me to perform my daily tasks efficiently and will also save a lot of time and effort to accomplish the same given task. Secondly, the course includes hands-on experience on creating MIS reports by using pivot tables and graphs which is the need of the hour, as we are struggling with a lot of reporting issues, hence this course might turn out to be a big-time saviour.  
  
Finally, to take up this course, I would require company's support in the form of scholarship or sponsorship. The course fees are Rs. 5000/- only which can be utilised from our allocated yearly budget towards employee development. I would be highly obliged to get a positive response in this regards.  
  
I look forward to hearing from you  
  
Yours faithfully,
Tejal, your essay is confusing to read. If you are writing in response to an advertisement, then that means that you are writing to NIIT and not a representative of your company. That being the case, the overall content of your letter is wrong. The proper opening paragraph for this letter should be:  
  
*Dear Sir,  
I am writing to you regarding a unique opportunity that appeared in today's issue of the Times newspaper. It appears that the NIIT will be offering an Excel training course beginning the 1st of June this year. Since this training is directly in line with my current work duties and responsibilities, I am seeking the company's support in attending the training by requesting that an allocation of Rs 500 be allotted from the employee development fund to cover my training fees.*  
  
From that point on, you can add a second simple paragraph informing about the training program and how it will be used in your current role as an employee of the company. Then a third paragraph, highlighting your interest in the course and your hope for sponsorship should be written to close the letter.