dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## mobile users by age

  
  
The given bar graph illustrates the proportion of citizens utilizing mobile in a nation by distinct age brackets between 1998 and 2000  
Overall, the rate of mobile usage in the 16 to 50 years old was highest while that of people less than 15 was lowest during this given time. It is noticeable there was an increase in the proportion of mobile usage less than 15 and more than 50, but the opposite was true for remaining age groups.  
  
In 1998, 53% of mobile users were aged 16 to 30, which held the leading position. Meanwhile, the percentage of citizens utilizing mobile in the 31 to 50 age bracket was 36% higher than that of people over 50, at 4%. Followed by 2% of mobile users less than 15, standing at the lowest position.  
  
From that time onwards, while this number of mobile users less than 15 and from 16 to 30 years old stayed unchanged, the proportion of mobile usage in the 31 to 50 aged bracket underwent a slight decline of 37% in 2000. In addition, a minimal growth was recorded in the inhabitants more than 50 years old in 2000.  
  
*
Since there are several positions for a bar chart, the writer should be position specific about the image identifier. By being position specific, that means he needs to differentiate between a vertical and horizontal bar graph. This will help the reader get a better perspective of how the image was presented for analysis. He also forgot to identify how the measurements were procured for the survey (in percentage) as a part of the information summary. So the infomation short presentation will be deemed as incomplete.  
  
The overall problem the writer has is that he is focused on presenting the information as quickly as possible, without considering the clarity of the report and the connectivity between information comparisons. His tendency is to just get over with the information presentation, disregarding the clarity and comprehension requirements of the C+C scoring section. As such the overall essay is really confusing and difficult to follow for the average reader who, as implied by the reporting style, does not have a copy of the image to base the understanding of the analysis presentation on.  
  
With regards to the writing skills in this presentation, the writer has shown a limited ability when it comes to sentence formation, grammar range, and punctuation usage. He should try to present more advanced sentence structures and more variation when it comes to punctuation usage. There are other punctuation marks that can be used aside from a comma and a period. Using only those 2 punctuation marks tend to lead to lower GRA scores due to limited sentence styles.
***Prison is the common way in most countries to solve the problem of crime.  
However, a more effective solution is to provide people with a better education.***  
## Do Do you agree or disagree?

  
  
It has been argued that the reduction of crime rate will be accomplished more effectively through more qualified education rather than prison sentences. I personally disagree with this statement as both methods play crucial roles in handling illegalities.  
  
On the one hand, it is reasonable/understandable to resolve the crime problem by sending criminals to prison. Firstly, prisons are places to keep dangerous criminals who certainly pose a serious threat to society such as murderers or terrorists. This will make these felons receive punishments for their heinous actions, ensuring the safety of innocent people. Secondly, severe prison sentences serve as a deterrent against unlawful acts. This is because lawbreakers have to confront tough struggles in jail, loss of freedom, and separation from their beloved ones. If criminals are obsessed with these physical and mental punishments, they may stop reoffending.  
  
On the other hand, the reasons why education would greatly contribute to crime reduction are varied. Education could heighten people's intellect and therefore form a civilized society. With access to better education services, citizens would be aware of the consequences of committing crimes which eventually leads to the decrease in crime rates. Furthermore, when given a chance to receive an education like vocational training, criminals could seek job opportunities after being released from prison. In fact, former inmates could encounter numerous obstacles after a long time of being isolated from society. Thus, the possession of certain qualifications assists inmates to earn a living by their own labor power, which would dispel any ideas of committing crimes.  
  
In conclusion, I strongly believe that both incarceration policies and better education have major roles in coping with crimes.
While the writer more than met the required word count to gain proper scoring consideration based on each scoring consideration, I am afraid that the writer has not come up with a passing score essay. Although he explained himself in an acceptable manner in the paragraphs, the fact that he misrepresented the original topic and did not provide the correct response format for the discussion are the reasons why the essay cannot be considered for a passing score.  
  
Please take note of the original topic presentation:  
  
Prison is the common way in most countries to solve the problem of crime  
The writer misunderstood the topic for discussion and presented it as:  
  
It has been argued that the reduction of crime rate will be accomplished more effectively through more qualified education rather than prison sentences.  
The correct restatement should have been:  
  
*Most parts of the world try to resolve criminal problems by placing offenders in prison. However, there is a growing trend that advocates for proper education as the better way to prevent crimes.*  
  
As for the writer's opinion, The original presentation requires a single supporting opinion for one of the two opinions. The question was never based on "To what extent" or "Discuss both opinions", which are the only writing instructions that allow for a comparison opinion presentation. So the writer failed to offer a single clear opinion on the topic. His opinion was not based on the proper response format.  
  
The start of the essay was already incorrect so the TA score will not be a passing one. Since the TA preliminary score is the foundation of the final overall score, the writer will not be able to meet the overall passing score consideration.
## oil production report

  
  
The chart illustrates how much oil was produced per day from 2000 to 2004 in Nigeria, Chad, Congo and Somalia.  
  
Overall, there was an increase in the daily amount of oil extracted in Nigeria, Chad and Somalia examined, while a gradual decline in oil production was seen during the period. In addition, Congo generally produced the most oil among 4 countries examined, but it was surpassed by Nigeria in the last year of the period.  
  
Oil production in Cong started at 275 in 2000, after which it experienced a moderate decrease to 215 in 2003, before ending the period at 203 in 2004. Meanwhile, the figure for oil extraction in Nigeria fluctuated in the range from 2000 to 2002, reaching the highest amount of oil 213 in 2004.  
  
0 barrels of oil was witnessed in Chad between 2000 and 2002, with a subsequent increase examined from 2002 onwards. Besides, the figure for oil production per day gradually grew and exported 50 barrels per day in 2004, which was the amount of oil production os Chad in the same year.
The summary overview is too short. It should be at least 3 sentences long. Never merge the information about the image type, references, measurement type, and enumerated coverage into a single sentence. That will create a problematic run-on sentence and show an inability to properly construct various sentence types, leading to immediate GRA score deductions.  
  
The trending statement is too long in this case. It should have a representation of only the high and low of the image measurements. This will be seen as a reporting paragraph instead and be scored again, in a reduced manner because of the improper trending statement format. Some of the information in this paragraph should have actually been provided in the summary overview rather than the trending statement. The student needs to learn proper information formatting per paragraph to fix his summary overview + trending statement presentation mistakes.  
  
Further GRA deductions, along with C+C reductions will be applied since the writer does not meet the academic 3 sentence requirement per paragraph. Any presentation with less than 3-5 sentences will always fail these sections as the writer does not properly develop his explanations based on proper simple, compound, and complex sentence presentations.  
  
Long sentences + short paragraphs = Failing Score
## CO2 emissions per person in 4 countries

  
  
The line graph compares the average CO2 emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy, and Portugal between 1967 and 2007  
  
In general, Italy and Portugal saw significant growths in the average CO2 emission in metric tonnes per person over the 40-year period. In contrast, this figure decreased for the United Kingdom and Sweden. Portugal experienced the most dramatic changes in four countries.  
  
In 1967, Portugal and Italy were two countries having the least CO2 emission per person, at about 1 tonne and 4.2 tonnes respectively. Following that, these amounts increased gradually and reached around 5.8 tonnes and 7.8 tonnes from 1967 to 2007  
  
However, in Sweden, the average CO2 emission per person grew considerably from about 8.8 tonnes to 10.2 tonnes between 1967 to 1977. Meanwhile, this number for the United Kingdom remained stable, around 11 tonnes. After that, the figure fell significantly, which declined from nearly 11 tonnes to 5.2 tonnes in 2007. Like Sweden, The UK also saw a dip of almost 1 tonne over the period 1977 to 2007
The summary overview is faulty for a number of reasons. First, the sentence is open ended since it does not have a full stop / period to signify the end of the explanation process. That will result in a severe preliminary GRA deduction. Second, the summary should be composed of at least 2-3 sentences. 3 being the most ideal since it will signify the one thought / idea per sentence requirement for the C+C and GRA scores.  
  
As far as the trending paragraph, the writer did not signify why Portugal witnessed the most dramatic change among the countries. That leaves a less than clear paragraph indicator in terms of C+C considerations. That will result in additional C+C deductions.  
  
A paragraph is always composed of at least 3 sentences, when the presentation is only composed of 2 sentences, both the GRA and C+C scores will receive deductions due to improper sentence and paragraph formatting.  
  
Overall, this is a good first effort. The mistakes are to be expected. That said, I expect that the writer will alter his writing style and avoid the errors mentioned here going forward to help increase his scoring potential and improve his writing style in relation to scoring considerations.
I think you should use " between....and .....". In your sentence, you use " between 1967 to 1977". In addtion, you don't describe detail about Portugal which makes readers really confused when they read about. Because you say it " fluctuation " so you should give them more informatuin about that. Moreover , I think you overuse a structure "from about 8.8 tonnes to 10.2 tonnes" and  
  
"from nearly 11 tonnes to 5.2 tonnes ". It may reduce your score so I hope you will have other structures to back up your body
## IELTS TASK 1 - charts report

  
  
The pie charts illustrate the percentage of age groups in the population of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and predictions for 2050. Overall, the percentages of elderly in both countries are expected to increase, while the proportion of people from 0 to 59 years old is calculated to decrease.  
  
Firstly, Yemen had a very young population with half of its population being 0 to 14 years old in 2000. While the elderly only occupied 3.6% and people from 15 to 59 years old made up 46.3%. In the next 50 years, there is an expected upward trend for the proportion of people over 60 years old and from 15 to 59. The age group from 0 to 14 is predicted to decrease significantly by 13.1%  
  
Secondly, Italy had a much older population with the elderly constituting 24.1% and will nearly double in the future. The age group from 15 to 59 will experience a tremendous decline from 61.6% to 46.2%. People from 0 to 14 made up only a small proportion of Italy's population and are projected to decrease by 2.8%.  
  
*
The first sentence of the summary overview is going to receive a failing score for being almost a 100 % cut and paste of the original presentation. It has not changed even a little to convince the examiner that the writer redeveloped the original information his was provided with. It is still confusing because it kept to the general explanation. The summary overview should be longer and represented in at least 3 sentences since it has to:  
  
- Identify the image  
- Identify the number of images  
- Identify the image pairings  
- Identify the measurement type  
  
All before presenting the combined trending statement as the 5th sentence in the paragraph. While this 3 paragraph essay is acceptable, the examiner might look for a 4th paragraph, since this is a 4 image comparison discussion. An extended discussion is optional but would really help the final score if the writer can develop a 4th comparison paragraph that looks at certain similarities between the 2 paired images.  
  
The correct comparative discussion would have paired the 2 images from each year for comparison. That means, 2000 v. 2000 and 2050 v. 2050 before a 2000 v. 2050 comparison per image pair.
## activities in Australia in 2003

  
  
The two bar charts compare the proportions of 5 to 14-year-old participants of both genders in cultural activities and sports in Australia in 2003.  
  
Overall, while significantly more males than females took part in sports, most cultural activities were more popular among girls than boys except playing musical instruments.  
  
In this year, it can be seen that sports was common with the majority of boys (70%), while just over a half of the girls enjoyed playing sports.  
  
In respect of cultural activities, a very small number of girls engaged in singing and drama activities account for 5% for each one, yet that number of boys were even approximately lower than 2%. The percentage of girls playing musical instruments was threefold higher than the former and the figures for males joining in this activity was three out of two compared with female rate. Dancing was considered as the most preferable activity participated by girls at a quarter. In contrast, this proportion of boys was a tiny minority with only about 2%.  
  
*
While the essay does contain more than enough words to be given proper scoring consideration, the problem that the writer has with thought presentation through sentence formation will cause major C+C and GRA deductions for this essay. Both of which could very well result in a failing score for the essay.  
  
For starters, the writer creates constant confusion in his writing due to his long sentences which combine information in it when it should have been divided into at least 2 sentence presentations. He appears to not be familiar with the rules governing sentence presentations. That is, every sentence must reflect one clear idea and explanation instead of multiple idea explanations / presentations.  
  
Each paragraph will only qualify for proper scoring when there are at least 3 sentences in every paragraph, with the summary overview + trending statement combined into one paragraph at the start of the essay. In this case, the word count did not help the score because of the lack of proper paragraph formatting and a need for clearer explanations. He has up to 200 words to work with, he should use the count to his advantage.  
  
In a task 1 essay, shorter but informative sentences, combined with individualized data presentation for each image receive more scoring considerations. Since this is a 2 image presentation, a 4 paragraph report should have been used reflective of 2 individual reporting sections and 1 comparision discussion paragraph.
I don't think you should use "while " at the beginning of the sentence, and "while significantly more males than females took part in sports" sounds strange to me. In addition, I guess "most cultural activities were more popular among girls than boys except playing musical instruments" may have some errors. For me, I think you should rephrase it again .  
  
For me , I will rephrase it " There are more boys interested in cultural activities than those of girls, except playing musical instruments"
***Subject:  
Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

  
  
Answer:  
Some people hold conflicting views about paying taxes by parents those children study at private schools. While a number of people reckon that they are worth being deducted taxes, I completely disagree with the aforementioned point.  
  
There are various compelling reasons why governments should not reduce tax liability to parents of children enrolling in private schools. Firstly, it would be difficult to calculate the correct amount of tax deduction for wealthy families. This kind of work requires more public staff to manage and thus the state budgets might be drained by an unnecessary expenditure. Secondly, citizens invariably pay a certain amount of tax for public services that they may not use. For example, most taxpayers are fortunate enough not to have a call in an emergency situation to the police or the hospital at any time in their lives, but they would not expect a tax discount for this.  
  
In my opinion, I firmly hold the view that families of children educated in non-public institutions should delightfully take the blame for paying taxes to support public schools. The first reason is that these people can substantially contribute to build an equal education system for everyone regardless their circumstances. A great number of poorer children might take opportunities to improve background due to being accessed to the high quality education as well as children from rich families. Additionally, through tax obligations, wealthy people might foster their economic background. Indeed, businesses owned by rich families might flourish as a well-funded education system allows to generate well-trained workforce to these enterprises.  
  
In conclusion, while many people think that any financial reduction for families sending their children to private schools is essential, I believe that it should be not considered.
The opening paraphrase is missing one reference. Since there are 2 reference points in the original prompt, the interpretation should also include 2 sentences restating each public opinion. The third sentence reference should be the writer's opinion in support or against one of the 2 idea presentations. As such, the first paragraph has not met the appropriate task accuracy requirements even as it does present an acceptable writer's opinion. It is a bit confusing due to the missing opinion.  
  
Now, the first opinion explanation is on point in its discussion. It is strong in reference and actually shows the writer can think logically in the English language. The problem, is that the same cannot be said for the second opinion explanation. I was confused as to what was meant by  
  
should delightfully take the blame for paying taxes to support public schools.  
Why should they be happy to take the blame? The blame for what? I believe that the writer was a bit confused by his transliteration from Vietnamese to English in this case. Did he perhaps mean "...should delightfully pay for taxes to support public schools" ? That statement type would seem to better align itself with the rest of the paragraph. This lack of clarity in the paragraph could very well garner failing preliminary scores in the GRA and C+C sections.  
  
40 words is the minimum word requirement for the concluding summary. It should be composed of at least 2 sentences as well and function in reverse paraphrase mode. Since the writer did not achieve that in the concluding statement, that paragraph will have to be given a failing score as well.
***Some people think that hosting an international sports event is good for the country, while some people think it is bad.  
## Discuss both views and state your opinion.***  
  
Essay:  
  
Recently, another country is chosen to organize a national competition of sport, which brings a lot of profits for this nation. A school of thought holds that an appointed host gives many negative effects on the event. This essay will discuss both views before drawing a reasoned conclusion.  
  
On the one hand, becoming a host of national sports events is an honor for one country, the reason for this is that many audiences all over the world will realize this nation through sports competitions. Plenty of countries nowadays endeavor to attract organizers to be selected to appoint a host. For example, Cambodia attempted to invest in building many affordable courses for sports in order to appeal to SEA games' organizers. In addition, an advantage for the host is their players easily adapted to the game when the events take place, thereby winning with less trouble. Therefore, hosting a sports event will get more benefits than other countries.  
  
On the other hand, the difficulty of a host is responsibility. Some countries just concentrate on the formal appearance of events but they do not focus on the quality of organizing the competition. As a result, various referees cannot have enough standards to assess some difficult fouls in another match. Furthermore, many native players tend to cheat in the game like using dopping because they think that the host will assure safety for their mistake. Consequently, numerous countries are not appreciated by audiences due to their dishonesty in the event.  
  
To conclude, while appointing a host is the glory of one country, putting responsibility in the highest position is vital. It is recommended for the host country should be sincere in international sports events.
There is an error in the approach of the writer to the given discussion. He has decided to disregard the "international sports events" reference in favor of his own "national sports events". This will definitely make the essay fail in the preliminary task scoring because the discussion foundation is incorrect even as the topic remains the same. In addition, the writer also does not restate the prompt topic as expected, creating a confusing representation of the original, which means this essay has already received an overall failing score even before the rest of the essay considerations have received marks. The final writing approach error is that rather than offering an opinion, the writer decided to offer a conclusion. A decision that he feels the reader should accept, which was not the original writing instruction for the writer's opinion section. So the writer has made mistake after mistake in the first paragraph, which continued in his discussion paragraphs. Nothing about the writing of this error is correct nor worth a passing score. I do not see the need to review this essay beyond the prompt restatement + writer's opinion at this point since the essay does not have a passing score chance anyway.