dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Question:  
*Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular.  
Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?*  
  
## The Pros and Cons of internet Shopping

  
  
The remarkable development of e-commerce affects significantly to the custom of citizens for shopping. According to the beneficial of digital 4.0 leads to the shipping online become more out-standing nowadays. As applying the e-commerce for purchasing, in some case, there are some drawback happened. However, I believed that the advantages of shopping online more outweigh its disadvantages  
  
First of all, there are no doubt to make the high appreciation for shopping online as it's more convenient and saving a lot of time for customer. People just make a simple click for buying a T-shirt or a new arrival of your favorite shoe's brand name in the Internet and wait for couple days to received your products. Additionally, applying the e-commercial management on business, there are many expenses for building up the real store or the cost for renting staff also cut off and the price of products can reduce to make competitive with others competitors in the market. Take one of the largest e commerce business in Viet Nam is Lazada as an example. in all special days of year, the promotion of discount 30% or over 50% of products is always attracted of customers.  
  
Taking about some disadvantages of buying on the Internet are often related to the quality of products and the payment without delivery goods. Some of feedback from customers as purchasing online that the color or the quality do not same as the advertisement. People just blame the shopper that why they sell products with non-quality. Meanwhile, customer have to learn how to buy good products from the trustworthy online stores. Customer should read the comment of previous buyers or appreciate base on star-level of those stores. Then, for the payment method, with the store in the first buying, we can choose for payment by cash after checking shipment instead of payment by card.  
  
To conclude, the advantages of shopping online much more than those disadvantages. In case of people can become an intelligent buyer, the drawback of shopping online will be disappearing in the near future.
Hello TUYET PHAM  
1. Word count is 341 which is way too many to jot down in 40 minutes. There's no restriction on how much you want to write, however, one should not exceed 300 words.  
  
2. Grammatical errors can be spotted frequently throughout your essay. For example, 'there are no doubt to make the high appreciation for shopping online'  
This is also a result of excessive word count. You can control your grammar better within 300 words.  
  
3. There is no such term like 'digital 4.0'. Use online technology instead.  
  
4. Both body paragraphs contain a lot of underdeveloped ideas but you didn't give the reason why the advantages weigh heavier than the disadvantages.
*Topic:  
The table below shows key data on the demographics of 4 different countries.  
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting main features, and make comparisons where reelevant.  
## population GDP/capita ($ USD) Average life expectancy

  
China 1 357 000 000 6807 75.2  
Russia 143 986 000 14 987 72.3  
USD 318 875 000 53 681 69.2  
UK 64 937 000 41 787 81.5*  
  
Content:  
The table compares 4 different countries in term of 3 features: population, GDP per capita and average life expectancy.  
While China has the greatest population, USD and UK gain the highest rate about GDP per people and average life expectancy.  
Out of 4 different countries, the figure in the table shows that China's demographic is the highest, over 1 billion. The second country after china is USD with 318 875 000 people. UK has lowest populatioon which is approximately half of population in Russia. In the term of GDP per capita, although China has the highest population, GDP in this country is the lowest. People in USD gain highest rate about GDP per capita, at 53 681 $ USD. Two coutries have GDP per capita in the middle are Russia and UK, in which UK is higher than Russia.  
  
It is clear that UK has highest average life expectancy, at 81.5 years old. Life expectancy in Russia approximately equals to China one, at 75.2 years old. The country which has lowest average life epectancy is USD, nearly 70 years old.
Gio1999pt,  
  
On a technical level, I would suggest looking into studying more about proper punctuation, subject-verb agreements, and grammar. Things such as oxford comma and knowing when to use particular terms can increase your academic credibility.  
  
For instance, the first sentence could have been:  
The table compares 4 different countries in terms of 3 features: population, GDP per capita, and average life expectancy.  
  
I also suggest that you look into utilizing synonyms more into your essay. This can assist you into making your paper put-together. Also, be wary of your usage (or the lack thereof) of articles or modifiers.  
  
Derived from your third paragraph, I could make this revision:  
People in the United States have gained the highest rate of GDP per capita at approximately $681 USD.  
  
If you can notice, I referred formally to the country rather than simply inputting the data present in the table. This can also structure your paper better because you would have more of an organic flow. Having data in a graph to analyze does not mean that you have to necessarily copy and paste from it to dissect the details.  
  
Furthermore, I would also suggest to have more consistency in the writing style. This means that to avoid confusing the readers, you could perhaps refrain from alternating between their placement in the table and what the country is also called. This will result to a harmonious paper overall.  
  
Best of luck.
**In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness is decreasing.  
What do u think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?**  
  
## BODY WEIGHT AND HEALTH

  
  
Kindly evaluate this essay in terms of Task response, coherence and cohesion, lexical resource and grammatical accuracy  
  
In recent years, there has been a rise in the average weight, and a detrimental effect on overall fitness and health has been observed in the population. This essay will explore two of the reasons that have caused these problems and propose measures that might address them.  
  
One of the most significant causes can be attributed to the sedentary lifestyle adopted by the people, that resulted from the advent of technological developments, and has minimized the amount of physical labor required in daily activities. For instance, doing house chores in the past mostly required a great deal of manual effort, but with new machines and consoles, that has been greatly reduced. To tackle this, government must take help of media and create awareness of these issues by making health related shows and movies that would encourage people to make exercise an integral part of their routine.  
  
Another important cause is the excessive consumption of fatty junk food. This has led to an increase in obesity and heart diseases, and has affected the overall health of people. The reason for this increase is the cheap price of these foods as compared to fruits and vegetables. For example, an average person who used to eat green vegetables, prefers junk food now because it is a lot cheaper and is deemed to be more delicious. To mitigate this problem, state-imposed taxes should be increased on junk food and advertisements on television regarding them should be regulated.  
  
In conclusion two of the main causes of increased weight and deteriorating health of people are sedentary lifestyle and excessive consumption of fatty foods. However these problems can be managed by government-sponsored health shows and movies followed by increased taxes and ad-regulation of junk foods.
## Computers - the most important invention?

  
  
Many people claim that inventing computers is one of the most crucial achievements human have for the last hundred years. From my point of view, I strongly believe that computers are really essential and meaningfull for human's life throughout their advantages which they bring out the best in human's life.  
  
It cannot be denied that computer benefits to our lives when it not only helps us to find many sources of information, to utilize these sources and then acquire more knowledge and expand our horizons as well. For example, today, studying may become be easier than before for students and also for many diffrent ages when there are a ton of sources of helpful knowledge that are available and almost are free in order to take up and enhance your soft skills.  
  
Besides, actually there are many different merit that computers bring to our lives. Typically, computer is really a various land of entertainment when it is undeniable that people can have many choices of entertainment ways such as listening to music, watching movies, chatting with friends or buying online. Case in point, many people say that computers help them to relax very much when they are so stressful with their deadlines, projects or studies, so they can use computers like a entertainment tools and as a result, they charge full of energy and get back to work even more efficent than before.  
  
In conclusion, having considered both sides of inveting computers, even though there are some problems that computer may bring to us, I think there are more advantageous than its drawback. Therefore, in my opinion, these day, people need computers and need to improve them day by day to make life better.
In paragraph one should be humans have contributed for the last hundred years or if you want to say this differently, please do so.  
  
In paragraph one "human's life throughout their ... in human's life" needs to be rewritten to bring clarity.  
  
In paragraph three "Besides, actually there are many different" you could use besides or actually but not both words together at the beginning of the sentence. In the same paragraph should read Typically, the computer is really. Take the time to re-read the work to ensure that you have clarity in what is being written.
*In many countries, plastic bags are the main type of rubbish. They cause water and land pollution, so they should be banned. To what extent do you agree?*  
  
## **Strict ban on plastic bags.**

  
  
Pollution is one of the greatest problems here on Earth. Plastics bags contribute to the planet's downhill, therefore, many countries have banned plastic bags to save the environment. In my opinion, I completely agree to this reinforcement.  
  
Trash is not environmental-friendly. It is also one of the causes of water pollution. Plastics bags are the main type of trash that can harm the ocean, as well as the sea creautures. Death of sea mammals are all over the news because of their accidental inhalation or intake of plastic products. Thus, dead animals in the ocean is toxic to people and to those who are main sources of income rely on fishing.  
  
In addition to that, not only the water is polluted, but the land as well. Flood is one of the main outcome of rubbish bags stuck under the land or storage of waste materials. When storm comes, there are dams who are responsible for collecting the water in the cities caused by rain, however, because plastic bags are in the way, the function of dams is not met, thus, causing flood to some areas.  
  
As an example, In the Philippines, there are cities where they do not allow plastic bags in the establishments, grocery stores, fast food chains and even hotels. They promote using of paper bags as a replacement to plastic products. Imposing a slogan that the humanity should lessen the use of plastic materials.  
  
Therefore, I totally agree that banning plastic bags can help the world to be a better place. This law can reduce water and land pollution to many countries. With that in mind, people will be aware of the harmful effects of plastic bags to the environment.
Jalp,  
  
I think the structure of your essay is already good. However, I would also consider looking into breaking down your sentences. You have a tendency to create long sentences which can easily be stripped down to be friendlier to the reader.  
  
For instance, let's take into account your first paragraph. I would have made the second sentence into this:  
  
Many countries have banned plastic bags to save the environment because they contribute to the degradation of the earth.  
  
This is a better way to phrase it because you are able to establish your thought and reasoning without dragging the sentence.  
  
Another revision could be from your third paragraph wherein the last sentence can be phrased as:  
  
The huge amount of plastic bags have caused the failure of dams to accommodate to large flows of water, especially when the storm comes. This results to flooding.  
  
Apart from this, I also suggest that when making academic essays, make sure that you extensively discuss the why of your arguments. When you mention how pollution contributes to the earth's problems, it would be wise to mention statistics. This can make your essay well-grounded and factual. Also, please make sure that you review your grammar rules because you make small mistakes such as using "who" instead of "that" when referring to objects. I appreciate your usage of examples, however just keep in mind my previous comments about your usage of grammar.
## transition from a child to an adult

  
  
We live in a world that changes all the time. School education should therefore reflect these changes in order to prepare children for adult life. With the clear purpose to achieve it a wide range of changes should be made in the school curriculum as soon as possible.  
  
First we should consider what it is that will actually help children to prepare for adulthood. It is totally clear, that academic subjects do not prepare children for the future. Due to this fact, I would propose that a new subject would be introduced such as simply economical administration or basic first aid. It is a well-known fact that many people graduate high school knowing how to graph a polynomial and yet have no idea how to file for taxes, apply for a loan, or act in case of emergency.  
  
Secondly, I strongly believe that every child should be taught to develop their critical thinking instead of pushing them to learn by heart loads of useless contents. Not only are children not going to remember any content but it will not be useful in their daily life.  
  
On the other hand, removing some a subsidiary subject like religion would be an essential step when it comes down to controversial subjects. At this day and age, we live in a multicultural society, hence religion should disappear from school.  
  
To sum up, I would say that broadly speaking, school curriculum is such an important point referent to children life that government should tackle this issue as fast as possible in order to bring prosperity and opportunities to the next generations.
Saons, I think there are two points to consider in your essay. Firstly, let's delve into the technicalities of your paper. You have instances wherein your proper usage of commas (general punctuation) is lacking.  
  
For instance, take this revised sentence from the first paragraph:  
With the clear purpose to achieve it, a wide range of changes should be made in the school curriculum as soon as possible.  
  
Small changes such as this can make your paper more academically credible because they showcase a fundamental understanding of the usage of text. Ensure that you review the usage of proper usage of punctuation before you proceed.  
  
I also suggest looking into merging the third and fourth paragraph to make it more substantial. I have noticed that the third paragraph is hanging in its context. A general rule of thump is that paragraphs should have at least four sentences for formality purposes. While some may argue otherwise, I think it's still safe to follow this.  
  
You should begin looking into answering more of the rationale behind the texts that you have. When you make broad proclamations such as arguing that children do not need "useless content" when it comes to learning, you should expound on what those things are and explain concretely why you think they're irrelevant to the educational system.  
  
The thought of your essay is on-point, however it does need further tailor-fitting to make it more substantial and knowledge-based (factual) rather than a cluster of opinions.
## Percentage of first-year teachers with regular teaching jobs by year of graduation.

  
  
The line graph below gives us information about being in employment as first-year teachers in Ontario in a period from 2001 to 2007.  
Overall, the teachers choosing to teach English and French have the same rate at the first stage. However, after that, the numbers have a significant change. The percentage of teachers teaching French seems to have just a little fluctuation and be continuous to increase slightly, contrary to the down trend of the percentage of teachers teaching English.  
  
In 2001, the percentages of English teachers and French teachers were approximately 70 percent. Then, the numbers reduced in a simultaneous way. The percentage of French teachers has a fall to 51 percent in 2002 and continued to increase after. Nevertheless, there was a dramatic drop with the percentage of English teacher until 2003, just 40 percent at rest.  
  
From 2003 to 2007, there was a slight fluctuation of the number of French teachers around 70 percent. With English teachers, the percentage went up so gradually from 40 percent to 42 percent. Until 2005, it went down quickly to 28 percent in 2007. So, there was an obvious difference in numbers at this time.  
  
thanks for reading, can you give me some comments, i hope i can enhance my score!  
  
*
Hope this could help.  
  
First paragraph gave too much information about the graph.  
Usually, you re-phrase the title and then write the obvious changes without telling it one by one.  
  
I also noticed that you explained this graph by year, and that was good.  
  
The last paragraph was a bit confusing. You wrote 2003-2007 on french and then divided the English teachers into different sentences in which that made me confuse for a few seconds.  
  
Overall, it was a good writing.  
  
Hope you pass your exam !
**IELTS task 2: Some people prefer to stay in the same type of work all their life, and others prefer to change their jobs from time to time. Discuss both sides and state your own opinion.**  
  
## the same occupation in the whole life or more changes?

  
  
Essay:  
  
People tend to make different choices regarding their occupations. While somebody persist in only one job during their life time, others would like to change it frequently. This essay will discuss these both sides as well as present a personal statement.  
  
On the one hand, sticking to one job is an ideal way to ensure a stable life. To specify, employees, who have performed a particular job for a long time, could gain high competence and credibility in their field. Those achievement could secure them a respectful status and income in the companies. Additionally, they can accumulate a good saving and retirement pension because their income are not interrupted.  
  
On the other hand, there are also understandable reasons why some people often feel necessary to change their jobs. Once a job is performed many times, employees may find it predictable and creative drained. Therefore, switching to new environment would rekindle working excitement and creativity. Besides, new environment can also be an opportunity for ones learn and grow as a person.  
  
In my perspective, there is no right or wrong in choosing one of those abovementioned career paths. One's decision should be considered on his or her own several aspects such as characters, ability, and life expectation. For example, creative-mind persons cannot redo the same task over the time; or low adaptive nature persons would be likely to less change their jobs. I believe whenever all the conditions meet, people would achieve the best job performance, not to mention a comfortable life.  
  
To sum up, it can be reasonable either people stay in the same occupation in their whole life or change it many times. The more important issue is that their choices match with their conditions so that the fruitful results can be produced.  
  
(294 words)  
  
Hi, I am an Ielts student that would like to seek your help on my above essay. Please feel free to leave your comments as they are all appreciated.
Please note that my comment is based on personal experience  
1) "while somebody persist" I think "while some individual persist" would sound better. Not to mention that it should have been "somebody persistS"  
2) "This essay will discuss these both sides" , i don't think "these both sides" would sound natural here (because of the word "these"), also if you wanna try something different then take a look at my version: "This essay will clarify both views..."  
  
3)"good saving and retirement pension because their income are not interrupted." should it be "their incomeS" ?
Hi buttercup,  
These are a few problems I can spot from your essay, hope it helps.  
  
1. "high competence and credibility in their field. Those achievement" - Achievement is countable and it is unlikely that employers do count *high competence* and *credibility* as a form of achievement.  
  
2. Be careful when choosing words to form a collocation. For example, respectful status -> high status, retirement pension -> pension, income ...interrupted , etc.  
  
3. You devoted a whole paragraph to state your opinion, which is good. However, your T.A score may suffer as you did not elaborate on some ideas (to save space for your opinion, obviously). Specifically, "Besides, new environment can also be ..." would be considered an attempt to reach some mysteriously standard length/ number of sentences for each paragraph.  
  
4. "I believe whenever all the conditions meet ..." This is vague and hard to understand, please consider rewrite this sentence.
## Should Schools Require Foreign Languages?

  
  
Question:  
*Students who are not talented in foreign language learning should not be required to study a foreign language. Do you agree or disagree?*  
  
Learning a foreign language is difficult for a student who does not have the talent. Some people think that government schools should provide courses of a foreign language as a mandatory subject, but other people argue that students should spend their time on other subjects if they are not gifted in foreign language learning. I agree that learning a foreign language in government schools will give students a good environment of education and develop their competitive skill.  
  
Schools can provide students a good education to learn a new language, especially for not gifted students. Firstly, they can be taught a fundamental knowledge of a foreign language from the teachers in government schools. Teachers can stimulate their interest in studying the language and help them to develop a skill of the language. Secondly, they can practice with their classmates who learn the language better. Those not talented students can get benefits of learning a foreign language from the mandatory subject in school and their classmates.  
  
People, speaking a foreign language fluently, obtain a competitive ability in the global employment. Although some people are not good at learning new languages, they can gain a basic knowledge of a foreign language in school. When they work in the foreign country or serve consumers of the foreign country, they could manage their duty better than the others who have never learned the language. People can have better employment opportunities if they studied the foreign language in government schools.  
  
In conclusion, Students maybe pay a lot of effort on learning a foreign language. However, the mandatory courses in school are the basic way for them to obtain a useful ability in the future.