dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Disruptive school students issue

  
  
Owing to the problem which Disruptive school students have a negative influence on others. Students who are noisy and disobedient should be grouped together and taught separately. I feel this way for two reasons, which i will explore in the following essay.  
  
Firstly, many things affect to students and teenagers in society. One of those is a poverty which hasn't enough money and cannot to go to school his and her child. Therefore, some teenagers choice a wrong things. For example: They use to addict a drug abuse and drink a vodka and smoke. Then, this action is to change their mind.  
  
Secondly, another of reason is a divorce, and be cold with others. Those students have not a person who teaches something on solving problem. As parents attitudes are wrong, their children are also misdeed in dealing with society. But, if we will separate grouped such a students. On the other hand it is a human right problem.  
  
In conclusion, if we may going to divide these students. it is not too long time, just a few months. Additionally, we can treat their mindset to a meditation of method.
@Dogmidoo  
Hey. Welcome here! I hope that this feedback helps you somehow.  
  
First and foremost, you still lack the appropriate level of formality in your work. For example, the usage of transitions, punctuation marks, and the general flow of writing all give away that you are still unable to provide a concrete written approach. When you're trying to elaborate a specific part of your essay (say, for instance, the second paragraph's second sentence), you should consistently focus on adding depth to the main thoughts that you are laying out in the open.  
  
Furthermore, the concluding remarks that you currently have are insufficient. You cannot merely just give out rhetorical statements, especially if you truly want to have a more focused approach to writing. Also, the last sentence that you had in your conclusion was particularly baffling because of the direction that you were dragging the work itself. Be more specific; be bolder when writing.
## salary is the most important factor when choosing a job

  
  
Today, an increasing number of people believe that income is a fundamental factor whenever making decision on choosing a job. While I agree with this viewpoint. I am also of the opinion that there are various elements affect to their choice.  
  
On the one hand, there are justified reasons from those who support that the salary is essential when choosing career. This might be explained by the fact that income is necessary for basic needs in annual life. For instance, we need money to pay housing, food, bills, health care and education. So having a reasonable salary helps your life might be comfortable. If you earn a lower wage than personal demand, you can not concentrate on your job because of nervosity.  
  
Nevertheless, I strongly believe that other considerations are just as important how much money we earn in our jobs. Firstly, the atmosphere in a workplace and interpersonal relationships are extremely vital when choosing a job. It is apparent fact that having a good manager ang friendly counterparts, for instance, can create passionate staffs to make the best result. Secondly, many people's feeling of job satisfaction come from their professional achievement such as the skills they learn and the position they reach, rather than the money they earn.  
  
All in all, while people believe that the salary is the most important factor when making a decision on choosing career. I think that we should not underestimate other elements such as atmosphere and personal relationships.
@munomita  
Hi there. Welcome to the forum. Hopefully, all of the feedback you receive here will be useful for your writing endeavors. Should you have more questions, don't hesitate to approach us for additional information.  
  
The first paragraph needs a bit more work. You were unable to fully establish here what the purpose of your writing is. I have noticed that you immediately jumped into giving out opinions without necessarily providing a substantiated formatting. Try to always stick with a firmer introduction to establish the credibility for the rest of your writing.  
  
Furthermore, the opening words that you had used in your body paragraphs (second and third) are quite baffling because of the lack of correlation between the two. Typically, when people use "on the one hand" the next paragraph should have somewhere along the lines of "on the other hand" (however, these are not necessarily bold at the end of the day; you still need to substantiate).  
  
The conclusion also needs to also be enhanced with more elaborate detailing. It is insufficient to just have two sentences to explain the bulk of your content. Try to always be steadfast when you are writing.
## THE STUDY OF CHILDREN

  
Currently, the demand education is going up and students must learn and learner. Parents want their children to study more and catch up classmates. "If you want to study better, you will have a tutor"- parents suggest. To more efficently, parents let their chidren select one of options. But, it also has alternative suggestions. Currently, the weather is cold and colder. If you don't want to go to class to study with the tutor, you can stay home and be tutorial with tutor in the internet. Learn lessons, sit in the heating of solar domestic energy consumption.
@Tranthuytrang  
Hi there! Welcome to the forum. Hopefully, my feedback will give you insight on how to improve your writing. Don't hesitate to ask for more questions should you have more inquiries.  
  
First and foremost, the written work itself is quite bland and lacking in substance. At the core every essay should be a level of proficiency in explaining the depth of your opinion. When you try to introduce a new idea (ie. like what you did your third sentence), always do your best to incorporate a more standardized approach in writing to assist you in the long-run.  
  
Remember that it would be helpful if you writing would still follow the conventional introduction -> body paragraphs -> conclusion formatting, especially when you are working with such bulky content like this. Always try your best to ensure that you are writing with ease.
## nowadays, parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed.

  
***what is the reason for doing this? is this a negative or positive development?***  
  
Parents have undeniably a profound influence on children's development. However, in today's world, they are overwhelmed by parental pressure to become successful. The reasons for this problem are varied and the effects are strong.  
  
To begin with, the parental over-expectation results from parents themselves. Since their desire to have successful children are highly demanding, parents tend to impose rules on the teenagers and expect them to follow these without exception. These authoritarian parents also put enormous pressure on their children to thrive in order to satisfy their demand. Additionally, the cause for parental demand can be attributed to the competition nowadays. As the top position in professions are few, it is substantially intense to compete with others to become leaders. As a result, children are often under parental pressure to have strength to pursue great achievements.  
  
Although the aim for authoritarian parenting is for the sake of children's future, it seems to be counter-effective. Firstly, it can give rise to mental illness such as depression and aggression. Adolescents may rank lower in happiness, social competence and self-esteem when being stressed about parental over-estimation. Moreover, their creativity may be diminished. Because children have little to no involvement in problem-solving challenges, the lack of creativity and problem-solving skills is understandable. More importantly, parents' demand can result in the disobedience and defiance of the teenagers. When the situation is permanent, the relationship may be jeopardized.  
  
In conclusion, forcing adolescents to become successful has numerous drawbacks. Thus, parents should respect children's hobbies to eradicate the problem.
@Winter  
Hi there! Thanks for being a consistent part of the forum. Hopefully, this feedback will give you insight on how to improve your writing.  
  
Firstly, the first paragraph of your essay is put-together. I commend how you were able to have a concise and straightforward approach to writing, especially because this is a critical aspect to look over when you are writing with ease.  
  
What you can do still to improve your writing would be is to work on your concluding remarks. While you had a solid foundation in your body paragraphs, I heavily suggest working on the concluding remarks because of the lack of substantiation on this part. While it is not necessarily firmly critical that you have an extended conclusion, at least having a bulk of your writing here profiled properly would give the readers a better idea of the actual lasting opinions/thoughts that you want to portray in your writing.
***Subject: As computers are being used more and more in education, there will be soon no role for teachers in the classroom.***  
  
## teachers will never disappear

  
  
Computer offers numerous amenities to make people life more handy. However, in my money, it can not be replaced humanity totally because human interaction is still indispensable in many fields of life, especially in the field of education.  
  
It is undeniable that the merits from using computer are uncountable. Many procedures in realistic life have been proven for this notion. In the past, when computer was still primitive, applicants have no choice to go to authoritative offices directly to have their applications resolved. By this way, submitters have to join a long queue to wait for their turn, it is really waste time and costing them a lot of money. In present age, under advanced technology, people just stay at home and submit their applications though internet and just waiting for the confirmations, it is extremely convenient and saving a lot of cost. Because of many these outstanding computer innovations, computer has also been applied into education early. By computer supporting, lessons at class will be more appealing by many illustrated images, pictures, consequently, students are easy to absorb the lectures that lead to their profound understanding. Furthermore, computer also contains a sea of reference sources that allow students seize knowledge comprehensively.The benefits of computer are not cease in there, Computer also offers a huge number of intellectual software that help speed improvement of children 's wisdom ,so computer help children a lot in learning.  
  
Basing on the aforementioned benefits from computer, there are some ideas that teachers are not essential anymore, in my perspective, this is misconceptions because teachers always play a vital role in children learning and this role is irreplaceable. By studding at class, children will have face-to-face contact with their teachers, classmates that help develop their social skills which is very crucial skill for their life later. Beside that, each individual has their specific needs, teachers are the one who can understand the individuality of students and orient them with clear concepts. Computer can ameliorate the way of accessing knowledge, while teachers are the one who polish students with right guidance. Therefore, teachers need up to date with any educational computer trends so that they can assist students with great experience.  
  
In conclusion, presence of teachers will never disappear in students learning. Teachers play role of orientation while computer complement for their tasks effectively.
@lamnguyen  
Hi there. Thanks for being a part of the forum! Welcome here. Hopefully, my feedback will give you better insight on how to improve your writing.  
  
First and foremost, try to have a more balanced approach when writing. For instance, the introduction and conclusive remarks both are lacking. You have to provide a firmer approach to writing, especially when you are trying to expound on the necessary details.  
  
Try to also shorten your sentences when you're writing. For instance, the second and third paragraph have a lot of lengthy content. Try to omit the usage of unnecessary terms and descriptors that don't always improve the depth of your essay. If we take a glance at the second paragraph, it will be noticeable how midway through the writing, you were already straying away from the core message that you wanted to portray.  
  
Furthermore, the third paragraph's first sentence needs to be trimmed down a bit more. Try to be more concise when you are writing.
@banhdauxanh  
Hi there. I would like to give you some feedback about your writing. 😁  
  
As I read through your writing, it is sort of messy and non-structured. If you free time, please search the main points writing structures of your IELTS wrting task 2.  
  
First of all, for your introduction, it should include the general statement, rephrase viewpoint or problem and state your specific question.( I think the positives outweigh the negatives or the negatives outweigh the positives)  
  
Second, in your body paragraph, you just put all the information together and did not make it structured. It will make your reader feel your writing is so lengthy. I would like to suggest you that you can write the topic sentence which declare the reason why first and then explain your reasons. Giving an example after explanation then write a short summary of your idea in your body paragraph.  
  
Last but not least, the conclusion. I suggest you should write down "in summary " or "to sum up" to remind your readers here is the conclusion. It is a very important part of your IELTS taks 2 writing. Bear in mind that in your conclusion you just need to restate your opinion with 2 reasons and do not add any other new idea in your conclusion.  
  
Hope my suggestion may help your future writing.😁😁
I'm getting an IELTS examination in the next month. Please evaluate my essay and point out my mistakes. Thanks a lot!  
  
## sedentary lifestyle in urban areas

  
  
**Topic: It is difficult for people in the cities to get enough exercise. What are the causes and solutions?**  
  
There has been an ever-increasing trend that citizens from urban areas are less likely to take up enough exercise. This issue can be ascribed to a wide range of reasons and it must be addressed with feasible actions.  
  
There are two main explanations why people are leading a sedentary lifestyle in metropolitan cities. One of the main reasons why people do not spend sufficient time on exercising is due to the typical hustle and bustle of living in cities. Commonly, young adults are snowed under exhausting computer work and deadlines in hot pursuit, which prevent them from making a thorough plan for doing exercises. As a result, they feel obligated to sacrifice their time working out at the gym in order to gain better job prospects. Another reason paving the way to reduced exercising hours is the rapid advances in technology and the tremendous growth in amusing TV programs. Particularly, a technology-orientated lifestyle has become increasingly popular among adolescents, which acts as a deterrent from enjoying outdoor recreational pursuits.  
  
A wide range of definite actions must be implemented to combat an idle lifestyle stemming from insufficient exercising hours. One effective solution is to enhance public awareness of the benefits of taking up exercise. For example, citizens will be more mindful of doing exercise daily if they are encouraged through the mass media. Furthermore, the government should consider healthcare as the top priority and provide public subsidies on the construction of sports facilities. Newly-equipped essential sports gear will therefore increase the chance of people getting involved in physical activities by making it more accessible and affordable.  
  
In conclusion, fast pace and technological innovations mainly contribute to lack of exercising in cities, and thorough preparation is key to avoid this negative trend by a number of remedies such as heightened awareness and government sponsorship.
@lorimyl  
Hi there. I would like to give you some feedback about your introduction. 😁  
  
About your introduction structure, you should include general statement and rephrase viewpoint or problem which explain the topic by using synonyms.For the last sentence, you should write like this : this essay will discuss some possible causes of getting enough exercise today and the solutions to this problem.  
  
I hope my suggestion will help your introduction become well-structured in your future writing.
@lorimyl  
Hi there. Good luck on your upcoming IELTS examination! Hopefully, my feedback will give you an idea on how to improve your writing.  
  
First and foremost, the first part of your writing has to be extended. I find that it is insufficient to have such a brief introduction towards what the main points of your essay. You have to clearly state what the purpose of the writing is. This, hereafter, should be intertwined with other smaller details that will be found throughout your writing.  
  
Furthermore, the latter parts of the essay also have to be treated with this regard. On top of that, it is essential that you are able to integrate more concrete examples throughout your writing. After you write out a particular statement, it will be truly helpful if you can supplement information on clarifying the intent of your essay.  
  
Lastly, the conclusive remarks have to be improved as well. You need to be able to expound more on what the analysis of your writing will be.
## IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - ZOOS ESSAY

  
  
**Some people think that zoos are all cruel and should be closed down. Others however believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals.  
  
Discuss both opinions and give your own opinion.**  
  
Opinion is divided with one group believing that zoos should not be exist because of their cruelty whereas others are of the view that wild animals can be protected in the zoos. This essay will discuss both views and then I will give my own perspective which is any kind of animals should not be held in the zoos.  
  
On the one hand, there are people who believe that zoos should be banned completely. The main reason for believing this is that they are all inhumane and against the animals' rights. This is because animals are put into cages or any kind of enclosed spaces that restricts their lives, and as a result, human beings make them fully isolated from ecology. Furthermore, being in the zoos decreases the survivability of animals. If some of beasts are secluded from the nature, they cannot live where they are held. A good example for here is the fact that polar bears cannot survive in the zoos, because they are programmed to live on the polar areas only.  
  
On the other hand, there are those who claim that it can be beneficial to safeguard wild beasts in the zoos. The main reason for this is that it can avoid extinction of endangered species. In today's world, more and more wild animals are under threat of extinction. If sufficient life conditions are provided for these wild creatures, their breeding may be secured, and they become more survival. In addition, zoos can give shelter them from human attacks. Nowadays, humans hunt wild animals without consideration of their extinction for hobby or commercial purposes. For example, endangered jaguars are hunted by humans because of selling their fur coat. Thus, it can be prevented by protecting them in the zoos.  
  
In conclusion, I believe both arguments have their merits. On balance, however, I tend to believe that any type of animals should not be kept in the zoos, because this isolates them from the ecological environment and reduces their survivability. In my opinion, wild animals can be protected in their nature if governments pass the strict laws against hunting and provide them suitable life conditions as free from human effects.
@jorash  
Hi there. Welcome to the forum! Hopefully, my feedback sheds light on how you can improve your writing.  
  
First and foremost, I find that the transition between the paragraphs to be slightly ineffective because of the lack of organic transition. What I would prefer to see more of a diverse and innovative approach when you are writing. This will definitely boost and/or enhance the writing's overall trajectory.  
  
Furthermore, when you're giving out examples to back your data, try your best to stick with information that is based from concrete data. This will help improve the essence and core values that you are trying to promote in your writing.  
  
Taking things further, I also recommend that you work on your concluding remarks. This portion should go beyond merely giving out a personal opinion on the topic. Rather, this should be an extended analysis on what you have discussed in the body parts of the writing.  
  
Best of luck.
@ngthuhien  
Hi there! Welcome to the forum. Hopefully, my feedback will give you insight on how to improve your writing.  
  
From the get-go, the composition appears to be messy because of the lack of compartmentalization in between paragraphs. You had one wall of text rather than integrating a more subtle and transitioned approach to writing everything out. Try to secure a more standard writing approach. Remember that 3 to 5 sentence is sufficient (and is recommended) for the length of a paragraph.  
  
Furthermore, your usage of punctuation needs to be solidified as well. I have noticed that, especially when you were quoting, you had a tendency to misuse certain quotations, making it even harder to comprehend the written work itself. If you ought to have a more standardized writing approach, this will enhance your writing a lot to make it appear more academic (which is better for the evaluators themselves).  
  
When you're using examples, try to also stick with concrete samples that are not easier to digest and fathom. Don't put out quite alienating content, especially if you're working with an evidence-based written work.
Please help me check my essay. Many thanks.  
  
**Popular hobbies and interests change over time and are more a reflection of trends and fashions than an indication of what individuals really want to do in their spare time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## trendy hobbies?

  
  
Many things have been changed within the past few decades, especially in common interests, and they were assumed to reflect the trends or fashions instead of personal hobbies that people want to do in their free time. In my point of view, I only partly agree with this statement.  
  
It is undeniable that popular hobbies are heavily affected by the trends as well as the fashions because they are widespread and novel. These interests are usually introduced by influencers around the world, and as a result, lots of people follow what they did and it then becomes more and more popular. Even if you do not want to imitate, you also do not want to be singled out from a group for being different. For example, everybody at your workplace is all talking about a well-know Korean series or a famous movie at the cinema, it is likely that you will watch it some time. Moreover, chances are audiences copy what actors or actresses dress on screen to look trendy.  
  
But not everyone is fond of something popular since they still stick to their old individual hobbies. They will neglect what people are doing out there and just keep doing what they used to do in their spare time. Particularly, while ebook is so convenient and sometimes free, there are a bunch of readers who still prefer paper books. What is more? Not everyone is using social media, too. I have known so many friends who like sending emails and traditional message texting.  
  
All in all, even though common hobbies are a reflection of trends or fashions, there are still individuals that just simply want to do things they are interested in the relaxing moments. That is why I do not agree with the statement fully.