dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## taking a gap year - opinion essay

  
  
**In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.  
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.**  
  
In some nations, high school graduates are more favored to have a gap year before following higher education. This essay will discuss both sides of this trend.  
  
On the one hand, taking a sabbatical year before university is proved to be beneficial to youngsters in various aspects. Firstly, despite having finished twelve years of compulsory education, there are always a lot of students who still have no clue about their future careers. Therefore, it is advisable to have a year off to engage in a wide range of different activities, from volunteering to picking up part-time jobs, which may help students to discover where their interests lie, what their talents are, and how they should use them to benefit the community. Secondly, a gap year is also regarded as one of the most precious opportunities for teenagers to enjoy their youth. Adolescents can spend this period tightening their bond with their beloved ones, going on long-term trips, as well as doing whatever things they have always been longing for. In this way, they may compensate for the past twelve consecutive years of struggling with their obligation of studying.  
  
On the other hand, gap-year takers must consider several potential drawbacks. Firstly, attending universities one year later might put students at risk of falling behind their friends who go to universities right after high school graduation. Consequently, they are more likely to suffer from peer pressure, which may have a detrimental impact on their mental well-being. Secondly, extended traveling during a gap year can be highly expensive. As a result of this, teenagers will inevitably have to live on a tight budget when they enter university life.  
  
In conclusion, it is always a universal truth that everything has its two sides, and taking a gap year is no exception. Therefore, it is advisable for students to take all the pros and cons into their consideration before deciding whether a gap year is essential to them.  
  
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*Note: I would be really grateful to receive feedback and corrections from you!*
The prompt restatement is acceptable and serves its purpose of delivering an originally worded version of the original topic. However, the writer's opinion, which is scored along with the prompt restatement cannot be found in the introductory paragraph. There are 2 reasons why this is a problem:  
  
1. It does not offer the discussional foundation for the writer's opinion.  
2. It does not provide a summary of topics for the upcoming 2 discussion paragraphs.  
  
Both of these are criteria that will help the examiner give the writer a preliminary score based on task accuracy and opinion clarity. Without it, the writer is clearly missing the writer's opinion requirement in the first paragraph.  
  
twelve years of compulsory education  
Use only general references to an academic study period. Different countries have different study years for the elementary and secondary years. Keep it general to create the idea that you are not referring to any specific study term for students.  
  
The reasoning paragraphs are not balanced in terms of discussion presentation. One would consider the advantages paragraph to be better developed that the disadvantages paragraph. Try to keep a balance within the presentation. Use only 5 sentences at the most to discuss each aspect. Learn to create connected discussions in each paragraph so that the balance can be achieved. It is when the reasons are discussed individually that these imbalance in presentations occur.  
  
As for the concluding summary. It is definitely a conclusion but it is missing the summary of the previous discussion points. It has to present the topic reasons to create the correct reverse paraphrase requirement. That means, the writer has an acceptable, but not well scoring concluding paragraph in this case.
## The diagram depicts how smoked fish is produced.

  
Looking at the first glance, it is apparent that the manufacturing process of smoked fish contains twelve steps, which begins with catching fish in the ocean and culminates in selling the final prodcust at fishshop.  
  
At first, the huge amount of fish is caught by the net in the offshore area then it is transported to the port by specialized boat. From this point, fish is frozen in a functional container and then later undergone a thawing process inside fresh water. After that, thawed fish is cut open to get cleaned  
  
Those oceanic creatures are then soaked in the solution of salt water and yellow coloring. After a specific amount of time, the fish turns yellow and is then smoked in specialized device. The prodcuts of the previous step are then packed into carton boxes and frozen under 0 celcius degree. Frozen boxes are then stored in cold condition and distributed to retailing stations such as fishshop sell.
The summary overview should be composed of at least 2 sentences. The presentation lacks a proper diagram identification which should have been referenced along with the image type. It should also contain a second sentence that would explain the importance of the diagram to the analysis/reporting process. The trending paragraph should have only been a trending sentence that was merged into the summary overview since the trend highlights the discussion path for the reporting paragraphs.  
  
It would be better to not refer to an action that would need a look or glance at the image. This is a practice that is unacceptable in this presentation as it defeats the purpose of the analytical report. The reader needs to understand how the writer will explain the image content, without the need to look at the image. The writer should have the skill to academically explain the illustration as well since that is a college level writing requirement for most UK, US, Canada, students. It is also required for other European and English speaking nations that accept foreign students in the universities.  
  
As far as explaining the procedures, I am confident that the writer was able to explain the procedure well since I understood the process, even though the sentence structure is not as well written as it should be. The writer is capable of delivering coherent thought processes and that is very important to the final grade assignment of the task.
## The maps below show an industrial area in the town of Norbiton, and planned future development of the site.

  
  
The maps aim to illustrate an industrial area in the town of Noriton and the future changes that is going to take place to develop the site.  
  
As can be clearly seen from the two graphs, more roads and a small roundabout will be built connecting to the currant roundabout. Also, the industrial area will be replaced with residential area and recreational area.  
  
One of the most visible changes is new roads are going to be erected. Considering the street that has been located in the east of the town, a T- shaped road will be built connecting the farmland across the river. A small road is being considered to be placed in the north west of the roundabout. Looking in the south of the town, another roundabout is going to be built connecting with the main one.  
  
Another noticeable alteration is the transformation of the industrial area. Factories along the street will be converted to houses. In addition to the new streets, new residential area is going to be built along those. The farmland will be relocated to the east of the town and new facilities such as school, playground, medical centre and shops will be places between the houses and roads.  
  
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*MAPS*
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*MAPS*
The writer is confusing the image references. First he indicates the plural form of maps, which is correct since that is what was provided for this report analysis. However, he contradicts this in the next paragraph by indicating a graph. A graph is most definitely different from a map. The incorrect word reference will produce a failing score in 3 sections: LR, C+C, and GRA. All of which have to do with the accuracy of referencing within the report.  
  
It is also not advisable to indicate an image position within the report, nor should the reader be asked to look at the image. The assumption is that the report is accurately based on the given image, which the reader does not have access to. An accurate report will never ask the reader to look at an image because the report is an written image of the picture provided. This is the skill that the examiner is looking for.
***In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case ?***  
## **Do you think this a positive or negative situation ?**

  
  
In recent years, an increasing number of individuals consider it more crucial to own a house rather than rent one in some countries. In my concern, people tend to gain more advantages from owning a home rather than renting one.  
  
For many years, in some countries, owning a house is a symbol of safety, especially for people in Asia where having their own house is a big milestone for them. To illustrate, in Vietnam, when people began their working life, saving money to purchase their own house is the ultimate goal because it is the fundamental factor in building a stable family. Additionally, as a property owner, a house is also a long-term investment since housing prices tend to skyrocket each year. For instance, a small studio apartment in District 1, Ho Chi Minh City after 5 years from 2017, doubled its price since then. In this case, people can make a lot of profit just by selling it and investing in another one.  
  
On the other hand, while having our own house brings us a stable life, people who rent a home will have to face numerous problems. Firstly, when people rent a house, the rent expense will depend largely on the landlord and the economic situation at that time. Furthermore, most rentals did not give renters much control over the house, such as changing the house's structure or paint colors. However, that is not to say renting a house does not have its benefits. Since people want to live in good accommodation in the urban city but the problem following is the price to owning a house is too expensive. That is when renting comes as a great solution.  
  
To conclude, I strongly believe that owning a home is better than renting one because it positively impacts the owner. Therefore, the final decision on buying or renting still depends on the readiness of each.
The writer has a fixation on referencing a time frame although none is mentioned in the first topic version. This is an inappropriate writer added piece of information that creates an inaccurate topic interpretation. it is of the utmost scoring importance that no alterations are made to the original information presentation. Do not include unsupported statements that cannot be verified by the original source. Considered a topic alteration, this piece of writer included thought will lower the task accuracy score. As for the opinion segment, the writer would have had a better scoring first paragraph had he used the following complete writer's opinion instead:  
  
I strongly believe that owning a home is better than renting one because it positively impacts the owner.  
There are a few reasons why this would have made for a better opinion presentation:  
1. It creatively implies that the writer views home ownership as a positive development.  
2. It allows the examiner to get a clearer opinion basis from the writer in reference to owning a home.  
  
The above presentation helps create a stronger reference to the upcoming discussion paragraphs. There are however, 2 points for improvement in the same sentence:  
1. There is no need for a strong / emotional response since the writing instruction does not ask the writer to quantify the degree of his opinion.  
  
2. Including the 2 positive reasons in summary form would have created an excellent overview of the upcoming discussion, leading to the clearest possible writer's opinion reference and basis for task accuracy scoring.  
  
Since the writing instruction does not call for a comparative analysis of the two sides, the writer will lose points for using the incorrect discussion format. The questions provided demanded that the explain only his positive support of the opinion. For every sentence topic or paragraph that does not support that format, the writer will lose C+C and TA scores. That is because he will be confusing the reader who will then wonder if he truly believes this is a positive development and, the discussion as presented will remain under developed or improperly discussed since it does not fully explain the reasons to support the writer's previously stated opinion. Always remember, a writer should never contradict himself in these essays unless a clear compare and contrast discussion question or writing instruction is provided.
## fast food consumption by mauritian teens

  
  
The graph compares the consumption of 3 categories of fast food, namely hamburgers, pizza and fried chicken by teenagers in Mauritius over the course of 30 years, starting in 1985.  
  
Overall, it is clear that the amount of fast food consumed experienced an upward trend with the exception of Pizza which declined significantly. However, this type of food registered the highest figure in the first year of the 30-year period.  
  
Looking at the graph more closely, one can see that in 1985, hamburgers were consumed 10 million times, while pizza and fried chicken were consumed 60 million times and about 5 million times respectively. Over the following 25 years, the consumption of fried chicken and hamburgers rose to 60 million times, but the figure for pizza fell steeply by around 40 million times.  
  
From 2005 to 2015, the consumption of hamburgers increased steadily by about 20 million times, and fried chicken consumption stayed at 60 million times in the first five years of this period, before rising slightly between 2010 and 2015. By contrast, pizza saw a decline in consumption of approximately 20 million times over the same 10-year period. By 2015, pizza consumption had dropped 10 million times, while the respective times that fried chicken and hamburgers are consumed had risen to about 62 million times and 70 million times.  
  
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The summary overview is based on individual sentence requirements. That means, it follows the one sentence, one idea structure. This is the format that is needed if the exam taker wishes to meet the GRA standards for the test, specifically the clarity of thought presentation. The clarity of thought also being part of the C+C scoring consideration. When there is more than 1 thought presented in a sentence, this signifies a run-on sentence and will result in low scores in the previously mentioned sections. A long sentence does not properly represent the simple, complex, and compound sentence mix necessary for a better scoring essay. Kindly remember to separate the topic ideas per sentence next time to gain a better summary score.  
  
the highest figure  
So what was the lowest figure? Complete the trending paragraph. This is incomplete presentation. A task 1 essay needs comparison presentations for each relevant reference. In this case, the high and low of the first year should be present or, it may also be skipped totally as only 1 trend is required anyway. As a trending sentence, it can be merged with the summary overview for a more comprehensive summary score.  
  
Rather than implying that the reader should examine the graph (looking at the graph), rephrase that to indicate that an analysis has been made instead (A deep analysis of the figure indicates...). That way the incorrect reference that asks the reader to look at an image is avoided.  
  
There is only a single image presented in this task so it does not warrant a 4 paragraph presentation. Such presentations are used for 2 or more image discussions / comparisons. In this case, the trending statement should follow the standard merged with summary overview format, as it should be for all presentations in task 1. The 2 or 3 paragraphs must represent the analysis of the report instead of using one paragraph for the trend alone. That is how the exam taker shows the examiner that he knows how to write an English college level, rather than representing the ESL and IELTS review class formats.
## As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities

  
  
It is argued that organisations have social responsibilities along with generating profit. In my opinion, I wholeheartedly agree with this statement.  
On the one hand, corporations focusing on making money is plausible for a combination of reasons. First and foremost, companies require stable financial support in order to establish products and projects. For instance, during COVID, numerous businesses, namely Chanel and H&M, ran up against bankruptcy in many regions owing to the lack of income to manufacture and proceed with their plans. Furthermore, for organisations to operate smoothly, staff need to be paid rightly and accordingly to contracts, as it will be a considerable motivation for them to put their best efforts into their jobs. Hence, profit is the utmost necessity to encourage staff to work efficiently and conscientiously. As a result, companies will be able to function properly and avoid falling apart.  
  
On the other hand, I believe that businesses are also in charge of making contributions to society. The primary reason is that they play a substantial role in developing the economy of a community. Therefore, organisations are required to take their impact on the society into consideration and grow their business profoundly in order to bring back income. Moreover, businesses exist owing to the permission of governments and consumers. So it is undeniable that they should provide effective and helpful activities for the population in return, such as establishing scholarships, employment opportunities, and charities.  
  
To sum up, whereas it is essential for companies to make money on the purpose of operating, I believe they should also be responsible for public activities and contributions.
Do not exaggerate the prompt restatement. There is no argument presented so it is incorrect to refer to the idea presentation as such. There is only one idea presented, so it is not proper to refer to an argument since that would require the presentation of 2 opposing opinions in the presentation. Since an opposing idea is not provided in the original, the restatement topic should only be a simple and relaxed idea presentation. There should also be 2 supporting presentations for the writer's opinion to complete the writer's opinion score. While an opinion is presented, it lacks clarity because there are no ideas to back it up in short form.  
  
The discussion presentation has an incorrect format. This is not a comparison essay so there is no reason to defend an opposing side. The only important aspect of this discussion is how well the writer can use 2 connected reasons to explain the valdity of his opinion. In this case, the lack of a secondary reason will qualify this essay as under developed since the unrelated discussion paragraph will not be given any scoring consideration. All the reasons presented must related and support one another over 2 paragraphs.  
  
A writer's opinion is only considered clear, qualified, and acceptable if it strongly supports the writer's opinion. When the writer delivers 2 opposing explanations, it creates a dubious opinion and eradicates the clarity of the writer's opinion as first presented.
## the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane

  
  
A glance at the diagram illustrates how sugar is generated from sugar cane. Overall the process of making sugar involves 7 main stages beginning with the growing period of sugar cane and ending with the drying as well as cooling sugar.  
  
Firstly, it takes 12 to 18 months for sugar cane to be fully grown. Then it is collected by farmers or machines. Once the sugar cane has been harvested, it is then crushed into juice. After having been crushed, the juice is purified in a filter, which is made of limestone.  
  
When the juice is completely purified, it is transferred to an evaporator where it is boiled by heat, then transform into syrups. The next step is taking the sugar crystals out of syrups, which is done by a centrifuge. Finally, those, which are separated from the syrups, are then put into a container to be dried together with cooled.
The essay is too short to be considered for full scoring considerations. Providing only the minimum word count will not help increase the scoring allowance of the essay. The total essay should number between 175 - 200 words. Never instruct the reader to look at the image either. That is because this is a reporting essay that explains the procedure to the reader.  
  
There cannot be "7 main stages". There can only be one main stage in this case, with other "manufacturing stages" involved. Such a mistake in reference presentation shows that the writer does not have a good grasp of English words, its meaning, and how these are used in sentence structuring.  
  
boiled by heat  
Another incorrect grammar reference. Boiling is, by default, done by heat and is self explanatory to the reader. I believe that the exam taker should focus on his vocabulary development and how these are used in sentences.  
  
juice  
syrups  
Incorrect usage of S v. P. Once a reference is made in singular at the start, it cannot suddenly be changed into plural form towards the end.  
  
Overall, the problems in the essay involve sentence structure and correct word usage. These should be the focus of the student's ESL classes so that he can improve his writing skills.
For some reason, the concluding presentation of this essay is far stronger and more convincing that the opening paragraph that was offered as an introduction to the topic. The introduction missed out on one important aspect, the focal point of the discussion which is "the importance of hiring a consultant to improve operating efficiency". Yes, operation efficiency was addressed, but the consultant was not. It created an incomplete basis for the succeeding discussion. It makes the next few paragraphs confusing up to the point where the consultant discussion finally entered the analysis of the situation. Even then, the writer struggled to make his explanations understood by the reader. Maybe because he did not follow the discussion format as laid out by the topic presentation. Had he written the essay with the correct focus from the start, the discussion would not have been scattered in the final writing.