dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The charts present water usage in San Diego, California and the rest of the world. It is important to notice that water usage in both San Diego County and California had the biggest percentage in the residential sector. Meanwhile, the water usage in industry sector had the lowest percentage in both territories  
  
Overall there are 2 territories: San Diego and California and will be the rest of the world. In San Diego County, the residential sector had the significant proportion with 60% or about three-fifth from total water usage, and the agriculture sector had a minority with 17% or just less than a fifth from total water usage. Meanwhile, in California, the residential sector also had a significant proportion of 39% or about more than a third of total water usage and the agriculture sector had a minority with 28% or about more than a quarter of total water usage.  
  
On the other hand, the agriculture had the significant proportion of worldwide sectors with 69% or more than two-thirds of total water usage in the world. And, the residential sector only had a minority with 8% or less than one in ten of total water usage in the world.  
  
*
Hello Yonathan, Here several inputs for your writing.  
  
The *pie* charts present water usage in San Diego, California and the ~~rest of the world.~~*worldwide in general*  
It is important to notice*(better you change these words into Overall, it can be clearly seen* that water usage in both..  
~~Overall there are 2 territories: San Diego and California and will be the rest of the world.~~*Overview is not part of body* In San Diego County, the residential sector had ~~the~~ significant proportion with 60%...  
  
~~And,~~*Moreover, or In addition,* the residential sector only had...  
  
**Good luck!**
The graph illustrates the consumption 3 types water used (residential, industry, and agriculture) in 3 regions. The figures are compared to amounts of water used in San Diego, California, and worldwide.  
  
As an overall trend, the two regions showed different water consumption from the worldwide average, while residential has the largest in San Diego and California. Agriculture has the largest consumption in the worldwide.  
  
In particular, residential consumption was the highest in San Diego, accounting for 60%, which followed by industry at 23% or nearly a quarter, and agriculture at 17%.  
Likewise, California used residential in the largest proportion of 39%. Industry showed a third of figure. Agriculture was used at 28%.  
In the worldwide, both residential and industry were used the least in this period with percentages of 8% and 23% respectively. Agriculture used in the worldwide showed the largest proportion, nearly seven in tens of all consumption, or accounting for 69%.  
  
*
Hi erwin,after reading your summary, i have some suggestions, perhaps useful for you.  
1.~~graph~~ . ----> that is the pie chart, not graph.  
2.Industry showed a third of ~~figure~~ . Agriculture was used at 28%. ----> figure is to general. maybe you can mention second pie chart.  
3.The ~~graph~~ illustrates the consumption~~3 types water used~~ (residential, industry, and agriculture) in 3 regions.----> not talking about many types of water, but what are used water for.
Hello Erwin,  
  
The graph ~~illustrates~~shows whichis the consumption 3 types (...) in ~~3~~ three regions. The figuresthere are compared ~~to~~ by amounts of ...  
  
~~As an overall trend~~ started to the two ~~regions~~ countries are showed different ... [pay attention in pluran and singular noun]  
  
Likewise, California used residential in the largest ...  
Agriculture was used at 28%. [avoid reduntant word, you mentioned 'used' twice you may write another word]  
  
nb: in writing task 1:  
  
Introduction, overall/summary  
Body 1  
explanation  
Body 2  
explanation  
  
hope these help
Currently, there is a new study about why people whose partner are happier likely to be healthy. 2000 married couples are being respondent over six years, from 2006 until 2012 and found that people who are informed a happier spouses also noticed have feeling better. The reasons why these might be happened. Firstly, a happy spouse will take care their partner carefully. Secondly, husband or wife with positive sensation is more getting comfortable to do their activities well, such as eat better, exercise regularly, sleep on time, and doing other constructive things in near future. This reason is strengthened by Bill Chopik, an associate psychology professor at Michigan State university, who said "happy people drag their spouses out of bed to go exercise, and they encourage them to eat healthier". Moreover, happy pairs make their relationship enjoyable to avoid their partner feel stress so it can improve the health of their lover. This study generates an output that the effect is available for wives and husbands, so sharing love is a great way to keep healthy.
Helo david,  
you have done great, let me give you some suggest  
  
... study about why people ~~whose~~ (who had a )partner are happier likely to be healthy.  
... until 2012(.) ~~and found~~ the result shows that married couples ~~who are informed~~ are ~~a~~ happier ~~spouses also~~ noticed by ~~have~~~~feeling better~~ better feeling they had after.  
  
Good Luck :)  
Best regards, Tami
The pie charts represent and compare information about using water in San Diego, California and the Worldwide. It is important to notice that resident had been the highest user of water in San Diego and California. While agriculture had been the least percentage of using water in both of them. Overall, it opposite result in worldwide that agricuture dominated water to use by people.  
  
In San Diego, using water reached at around three-fifths for resindential part. It had been fullness of percentage of using water. This case also occured in California that reached in level at around 39%. While agriculture had been the lowest percentage at approximately 17% in San Diego and 28% in California. And industry positioned in the middle that used water at around 23% in San Diego and 33% in California.  
  
A part of previous comparison, agriculture dominated using water more than industry and residental demanding at around more than two-thirds. While opposite with previous result, agriculture had the least percentage at approximately less than one in ten. And same case within San Diego and California, industry was still in the middle position at less than a quarter.  
  
*
Hi, Alamsyah ismail..  
Let me give you some advice..  
  
... water in San Diego and California~~. While~~ while agriculture had been (...) using water ~~in both of them~~ . Overall, it shows the opposite result in ...  
... level at around 39%~~. While~~while agriculture had been ...  
~~And industry positioned~~Industry was in the middle position that used water ...  
~~While opposite with previous result~~you could use : *on the other hand, on the other side, etc* , agriculture had the ...  
~~And~~At same case within San Diego ...  
  
Good Job..  
I hope it could be helpful
**WRITING TASK 2**  
**Some people say that in the modern world it is very difficult for people to have a healthy lifestyle. Others, however, say that it is easy for people to be healthy and fit if they want to be.  
  
Discuss both those views and give your own opinion.**  
  
Maintaining health for everybody has been realized as paramount important thing to be applied, even now it has done by some people, and the other people still think that healthy lifestyle is not that easy to be implemented. There are arguments on both sides of this issue and I will discuss them now.  
  
Some people believe that healthy life implementation is easy to be started. It depends on people intention in changing it into habitual. Controlling daily intake, keeping fit by taking an exercise everyday are easy things if it had been a kind of habit. Even though they may face some difficulties at the beginning they intent to start it, due to their big ambition in applying active lifestyle, they will enjoy it. People who doing healthy diet believes that by having healthy life many advantages that they get, such as prevent obesity, food addictive, and food poisoning.  
  
Conversely, those who think that in this globalization era, so hard to have a healthy life. It refers to some factors, such as many kinds of fast food are available everywhere. It makes them prefer to consume substantial meal because of the rush hours they have, hence no time to waste think about food. Additional factor is people's difficulties to find the right time to take an excise. It encourages them to have unhealthy and sedentary lifestyle which is bad for their physical and psychological condition in the years of come.  
  
Overall, I feel that there is no undoubtedly reason states that healthy lifestyle is not important. Each person has their own way to enjoy healthy lifestyle. Things we need to do are be patient of what we had decided and enjoy the process step by step until it becomes a beneficial habit.
Hi Russell.  
Let me help you to finalize your essay. In this moment, I only focus on your contents in the essay. Please, check it out.  
  
, and the other people still think that healthy lifestyle is not that easy to be implemented  
You should not harness "and" because you wanna describe something contradictive.  
..............even now it has done by some people. BY CONTRAST, THERE IS AN OPINION THAT healthy lifestyle is not that easy to be implemented......  
  
*Turning to your thesis statement, you should mention reasons why people encourage the first and second opinion briefly. It can give general description what you review in the body paragraph. That can be represented by one or two words.*  
  
keeping fit by taking an exercise ~~everyday~~ EVERY DAY ~~are~~ IS AN easy thing~~s~~  
  
In the first body paragraph, you offer the opinion, but there were not supporting sentences strengthening yours. Apart from that, you explain effects of the healthy life ~~" they get, such as prevent obesity, food addictive, and food poisoning"~~ although it is not essential information and did not encourage your mind.  
  
Hopefully, those can improve your essay..  
GOOD LUCK
worland  
A conference in Montreal will be held this week to invite all negotiators from around the world discussing and composing a framework to limit future aviation emissions. It also a hope of all citizen to lead a significant step toward the climate change. All of those negotiators has a same goal to cap emissions when the agreement would give strong impact in 2021, requiring airlines to find ways to grow without polluting. All of those plan can not stand alone, they must be supported by advanced technology and more efficient airplane. Many airlines companies also hope for a mandatory International carbon offset program to meet the remaining need. Although, this stemming emissions in aviation in particular presents a difficult task, however all officials from more than 50 countries, such as the United States and China do support and hope that an agreement will be reached by the conclusion of the International Civil Aviation Organization (ICAO) conference in early October. Moreover, last year this goal was enshrined in the Paris Agreement. All in all, all of these agreement address to keep global temperatures from rising more than 2`C above pre-industrial levels by 2100. In the other word, all resident around the globe expect the authority commit to fight climate change by holding hand in hand.
Hello fasidah.  
these are my vantage points about your summary. Hopefully, those can help you to finalize yours.  
GOOD LUCK :D  
  
... negotiators from around the world ~~discussing and composing~~ TO DISCUSS AND COMPOSE(You have to understand the meaning which you wanna write. Make you sure that what you write is what you mind. There needs to infinitive) a framework ~~to~~ REVIEWING ABOUT limitING future aviation emissions. It IS (Each sentence needs a main verb) also a hope of all citizen ...  
  
All of those negotiators ~~has~~ HAVE(pay attention to verb agreement) a same goal to cap THE emissions when the agreement would give A strong impact in 2021...  
  
All of those planS cannot stand alone~~,~~ BECAUSE they must be supported by AN advanced technology and A more efficient airplane.  
Although~~,~~~~this~~ THESE stemming emissions in aviation in particular present~~s~~ a difficult task, ~~however~~ all officials from (...) do support and hope that ~~an~~ THE agreement will be reached by the ...  
  
All in all, all of these agreementS address to keep global ...  
... all residentS around the globe (...) commit ~~t~~ o fightING THE climate change by ...
*A conference in Montreal will be held this week to invite all negotiators from around the world discussing and composing a framework to limit future aviation emissions.* .... will be held this week inviting all negotiators from all around the world to discuss and compose a framework of future aviation emissions...  
  
It also a hope of all citizen to lead a significant step toward the climate change.  
no verb . it is also a hope of all citizens ......  
  
All of those negotiators  
you may write 'invitees' to avoid mentioning 'negotiators' several times  
  
All of those planS can not stand alone, .....  
Many airlines companies also hope for  
Although , this stemming emissions (...) a difficult task, however all...... [redundancy]  
..... support and hope  
  
repetitive  
  
. All in all, all of these agreementS address to keep global ...  
In the other wordS , all residentS around the globe expect the authority commitment to fight climate ...  
  
still need to concern on several minor issues, especially in accuracy. lexical resource also needs to enhance while just like the word form chosen
Obesity become the number one of killer that give rise to death. Bad lifestyle, less aware are the things cause this situation.  
  
From pupils until adult in United State of America, all of them, do not care about what they eat, and almost the eatery offers fast food. Like a chain, people already rely on their comfort habit.  
  
The fact is, all of food they eat having highly processed, lack of fresh food, additives, not enough veggies. And the result, they should spend much money in hospital because of decease, if they change their way to eat, sooner they will get health.  
  
Some cases happened in pupils, the horrible things are they did not know the fundamental things, such as how to cook, name of veggies, and many more. if children can cook by their self, they would be love to eat fresh food than fast food, because cooking is interest and make them have more knowledge.  
  
Finally, reducing patient of obesity can begin from health lifestyle. Parents have role to educate their children to consume food made by their self.
Obesity has become *[using present perfect]* the number one ~~of~~ killer [*what killer? you may need to say*'killer disease' ] that giveS rise to death. pay attention in some basic grammatical rules, particularly subject+verb agreement or singular/plural issue  
  
Bad lifestyle, less aware are the things cause this situation.*bad lifestyle and less awareness about healthiness are the causes of this situation.*  
  
**poor paragraphing and coherence. you need to train to compose your summary in form of one or more paragraph with a good flow/coherence rather than mention sentence one by one**  
  
From pupils until adult in United State of America, all of them, do not care ...  
*most of pupils and adult American citizens do not care about what they eat while their dietary consists mainly by fast foods*  
  
The fact is, all of food they eat ~~having~~have been highly processed, lack of freshness~~food~~ , contain additives, and ~~not enough~~less veggies. ~~And~~*as*the result, they ~~should~~might spend much money ...  
  
,... sooner they will get healthy.  
  
Some horrible cases happened in ~~pupils~~students , ~~the horrible things are~~ since they did not know ...  
  
**attach the link of article you summarized or do not change the article title so that we can also read the source**
**Travelling To Work In Houston, Texas**  
  
The table shows percentage of travellers per form of transport and average age of traveller. The bar chart shows CO2 emissions from different from of transport. There are four types which are car with one people, car with more people, cycle or walk and train or bus.  
  
The most common transport is passanger which 48%. However, passangers had less percentage than self driver which 11%. In other hand train or bus is slightly different amount of percent which 37%. Meanwhile, cycle or walk is the least form transport which 4%.  
  
While, public transport is the higgest average tourism which 47 years olds. Then the lowest average of traveller is cycle or walk which 39 years olds. But, average of passanger is only one year difference of proportion than self driver. Self driver and passangers 43% and 44% respectively.  
  
Neverthless, CO2 emissions the most pollution from self driver 0,31. It was related for the form of transport because the amount percentage high too. Then, the lowest pollution is from cycle or walk. This is also related for the form of transport because less number of the percentage.  
  
Overall, if too many using form transport it would be effect of contribute CO2 emissions that from vehicle.  
  
*
hi dikha ^^  
  
i will give u some correction  
  
\*pay attention to write the words with correct spelling  
\*ignore repetition words, for instance: you can change passenger to commuter  
and self driver can write with using hyphen self-driver  
also write years old without ~~s~~ point out that is plural "years " shown it.  
and ~~CO2~~ =>CO˛  
  
However, ~~passegers~~passengers had less percentage than self driver 11%. ~~In~~on the other hand (...) different amount of percent ~~which~~by 37%.  
  
... the least form of transport steady only 4%.  
  
~~... average tourism which 47 years olds .~~ => while, the highest average age of commuter traveling by vehicle is 47 years old.  
  
Then the lowest average of ~~traveller~~travelers go to work by cycle or walkof a 39 years old~~s~~ .  
  
~~But, average of passanger is only [...] and passangers 43% and 44% respectively.~~ =>while, self-driver and driver with passenger have a year different in age  
  
hope it helps ^^
hello andika08. here i left my suggestion for you.  
  
The table *shows* ==> (you can paraphrase the word with illustrates, describes, intences) percentages of travellers per form of transport ...  
The bar chart shows CO2 emissions from different from of transport (emissions from different transport).  
... car with one people, car with more several people, ...  
In other handOn the other hand, train or bus is slightly different ...
When she is chosen as a Hijabi model, a model who wears veils to cover her head and hair, represents the way a muslimah gets dressed, Mariah Idrissi believes that something small is able to give major impacts as the people around her start questioning her decision. How do you feel?, how is your parent's response? why women (muslimah) are forced to wear hijab?, why do men make you wear hijab?, why you are pressed but still follow the religion?, Is there something wrong with the fashion industry?, are the common bizarre questions she deals with.  
  
Mariah comes up with a logical explanation that a muslimah who wears hijab is not a representation of pressure. By wearing hijab, she is still able to be her own self. Hijab is not a limitation in doing positive activities. She highlights that she does not need the validation of Social Media or others regarding her appearance. Hijab is the way of beautifying women in Islam as well as a part of today's fashion industry.  
  
Source: youtube.com/watch?v=1CJThRWoXt4
Hai Fitri12  
You've done well, but there are several inputs for you.  
  
... head and hair~~,~~**.**~~r~~**R** epresents the way a muslimah ~~gets~~ dressed, Mariah Idrissi believes that something small **action** is able to give major (...) around her **that** start questioning her decision.  
  
By wearing hijab, she ~~is still~~ able to be her own self.  
She highlights**???** that she does not need (...) or others regarding **for** her appearance. Hijab is the way of ~~beautifying~~**beauty of** women in Islam ...
When she is chosen as a Hijabi model, ~~a model who~~*[repetition] wearing veils to cover ...  
  
you may write : when she is chosen as a Hijabi model wearing veils to cover her head and her hair in order to represent the way a muslimah gets dressed, ......  
  
How do you feel?, how is your parent's [...] bizarre questions she deals with.  
[i]this just like shopping list, you mentioned each questions even it is not to subtle to do so. indeed, you can add more important facts to make your summary more valuable and informative*  
  
*in the rest of your summary, it just shown less minor errors while you had composed it well using a mix of simple and complex structures. good luck and keep writing*
**In some countries, the number of people who are using bicycles as their main form of transport is decreasing, even though cycling has too many benefits.  
  
Why is this?  
What can be done to encourage people to use bicycles as their main form of transport?**  
  
It is a fact that riding bicycle is good for our health and it is an environment-friendly mode of transportation, but the number of user still decrease.  
  
Discouraging number of people use bicycle caused by the variety of transportation. For instance, cars able to transport a number of people rather than only one as well as bulky time. Faster, comfort, and the facility of car, can make employee enjoy their time, when they want to work. This situation gives rise fewer person to use faster transportation than bicycle.  
  
In addition, car can more effort more than single at the time, and the elderly or those that need to converse their energy for they work.  
  
On the other hand, encouraging more people to cycle will reduce pressure on their car-parking facilities and, as cycling may be faster in rush hour traffic, get more workers to sit, on time more often. There are several ways to invite citizens using bicycle than other transportation for working, such as, provide safe cycle training, ensure they have security facilities, raise awareness of benefits of cycling, supply bike-way in huge to make them easy to across the way, and provide maps of cycling routes with journey times. These ways and benefits might be changing people way to use bicycle.  
  
To conclude, bicycle more beneficial inside to work than car do it, with providing facilities. Hopefully, it can increase the user of bicycle as a main transportation for working. It can be clear to see the benefits for cycling more than car, also the drawback is less than car.
Hi Giansy  
Let me give you some advice...  
  
It is a fact that riding (a) bicycle is good for our (...), but the number of ~~user~~ (users) still decrease.  
(The) Discouraging number of people use ...  
Faster, comfort, and the facility of (a) car, can make employee ...  
... to use faster transportation than (a) bicycle.  
In addition,(a) car can more effort more ...  
  
... ways to invite citizens using (a) bicycle than other transportation...  
  
Your summary is great actually  
Thank you...