dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hi Jeremy, in answer to your specific question, the answer is no. You do not have to write island as a capitalized word if it does not accompany a proper noun. The term "island" is general while " Parris Island" is the name of a specific place, which happens to be an island, so both words are capitalized in that instance.  
  
In the second sentence of your essay, place a comma after the word "However". In the quoted dialogue "Here we go", you need to place a period at the end of that statement as that is a complete thought that is not part of the regular sentence. Punctuation marks are still used on quotes, thoughts, and dialogues within an essay. Physical fitness test does not need to be capitalized as that describes an action, not a noun.  
  
For the second paragraph, place a comma after the word "noticed", then also after "chaos". The additional corrections are:  
1. A comma must be used to separate the words " musky and humid smell..."  
2. Correction: ...never to be found again, presumably eaten by...  
  
Third paragraph:  
1. The correct way to write it is "Ready, go!" Quoted dialogue is considered a stand alone sentence and follows its own set of writing rules.  
  
2. "Drill master shouted. I stood up and went to my canteen. "  
  
Paragraph 4:  
1. The asterisks in this section were written properly.  
2. Use a period in "Congratulations Marine."  
3. "Ladies and gentlemen..."  
  
Paragraph 5:  
1. ... through blood, sweat, and tears...  
  
Consider shortening some of your paragraphs by compressing them into shorter sentences. The essay becomes a bit boring to read because the descriptions seem to drone on and on. Combine actions in sentences where it will be possible. Shorten the essay otherwise you will lose the reader midstream due to lack of interest.
Thank you very much for the help, here corrections I have questions on:  
  
"Here we go." I said to myself, knowing full well my greatest test was about to begin. -Is this what you meant?  
  
Are these corrected properly?  
When I arrived at Parris Island, South Carolina the first thing I noticed, besides the yelling and chaos, was oddly enough the smell.  
  
We were fed stories of former recruits who tried to escape through the swamp ...never be found again and presumably eaten by the native wildlife.  
  
As I leaned forward at the starting line, the Drill Instructor shouted "Ready, go!" and we were off.  
  
"Congratulations Marine." he said, - If things in the quotations are standalone, would I capitalize the He in he said, ?  
  
At the end of the ceremony the announcer said, "Ladies and gentlemen... I present to you Americas newest United States Marines!"  
  
Lastly, for Physical Fitness Test, since its an official actual event in the Marines woudnt it be capitalized? For example, The annual Physical Fitness Test was a challenge
Yes, the presentation of the "Here we go." statement is exactly what I meant. The same goes for the changes in Parris Island. However, I seem to have missed just one comma to help in the presentation of the sentence. Place a comma after "oddly enough" since that is a descriptive term.  
  
I think there is a better way to present the line about native wildlife. You can instead say  
  
*"...again. The story goes that they were presumably eaten by ..."*  
  
Capitalize the word He in the sentence "Congratulations Marine." since you placed a period after it. Use a lower case form outside of the quote is the quotation itself has a comma within it which connotes a continuing action or dialogue.  
  
With regards to the Physical Fitness Test, it would depend upon whether that is the description of an action or the name of an event. The name of an event would always be capitalized as part of the rules governing the use of proper nouns. If it is just a description of an action,then it should be lower case.
**The position of women has changed a great deal in many societies over the past 50 years. But these societies cannot claim to have achieved gender equality.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
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Hello. This is my practice for IELTS writing task 2. Thanks in advance for reviewing my writing :)  
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## Role of Women in Society

  
  
Over the last 5 decades, society's outlook on women role has changed substantially. Even though it seems that gender equality is about to be achieved, it is not completely true. Most females still have less opportunity to experience promising career path compared to their male counterparts.  
  
Some people may argue that society these days have treated women the same as men. They base their view on the fact that, in modern day, there are more females holding high position in companies. According to the latest survey carried on by University of Indonesia, the proportion of female managers has doubled compared to that in 1980s. In addition, they also earn the equal amount of salary as men with the same position. Thus, it is generally believed that gender does not matter anymore in this globalization era.  
  
However, they neglect the fact that most of those successful women have undergone harder obstacle than men to get on the top. It is because the majority of jobs offered to them are low-paid. As an impact, hey have to make much greater effort to achieve the same position as men. These women experience harder situations such as working overtime to show that they are capable to handle more difficult duties. Apart from working conditions, they also often seen as the ones who have full responsibility to take care of their family. As such, for married women, it is more challenging to work outside their homes.  
  
In conclusion, gender equality is not truly achieved considering the fact that females need to experience more immense challenges to be i the same position as males. It can only be considered as gender equality if both sexes have equal achievement by doing equal effort.
Daniette, while your paraphrasing an opinion in the opening statement is commendable, it is a bit faulty because you forgot the most important thing that this essay should be reflecting. That is, you should have added an ownership of the opinion by saying "My opinion is that...". After the declaration of your opinion, an quick outline of your discussion should have been included as part of the overview of the succeeding discussion. That is not to say that what you wrote is not effective. All I am saying is that it could have been more complete and stronger in presentation.  
  
Throughout the essay, you do your best not to qualify any statement as being a part of your opinion. I believe that this is not the correct approach to this essay because you are being asked to portray your opinion in every paragraph. Therefore, you should use a first person pronoun in each paragraph in order to establish that. Use the pronoun in the first sentence so that you can always establish ownership of the opinion. This will also show that you are able to develop a first person line of reference in your sentences, which can lead to a more convincing discussion in your essay.
TOPIC: **Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## Threat toward local business

  
  
Nowadays evolution of supermarkets and globalization has caused a threat to the domestic business and thus the local society. In my opinion, rapid expansion of supermarkets deter the local business. Alongside that local communities losing their livelihood and occupation due to the increased competition.  
  
It is undoubtedly noticed that, many of them are attracted to the multinational supermarkets due to their exquisite offers, customer service and the quality of products. At the same time customers are benefited to get all the necessary groceries at one location. Especially in a cosmopolitan city like Bangalore, it is difficult to get each and every item from local shops. Hence, most of them depend on supermarkets to save their time. Consequently, communities adopted to purchase from the supermarkets. On the other hand, it has become difficult for the domestic business to compete with the recent developments  
  
Although Globalization has brought a few job opportunities to the society, but it has deprived impact on the existing businesses which are running since ancient periods. For instance, In india weaving profession severely affected and often died in many instances. It is the responsibility of Country and its government to make amendments to their legislation to support the their communities and also expansion of supermarkets have to be restrained to some extent. In addition, merchants have to use the latest technologies and social media to campaign the products and commence selling them through Facebook, watsapp and so forth.  
  
In conclusion, rapid expansion of supermarkets always have a threat to the local business and it has to be restrained from domestic business in order to avoid the future deaths.
You have good skill of paraphrasing. Your position in introduction is clear enough. However, you need to improve the use of punctuation as it would be a little confusing to read sentences without proper use of comma, e.g.: 1. Alongside that, local communities (no comma); 2. It is undoubtedly noticed that~~,~~ many of them are attracted; 3. For instance, in India, weaving profession (with comma)  
  
Body 1:  
-You use excessive cohesive devices here  
-It is undoubtedly noticed that, many of themare attracted ....  
It is not clear what "them" refers to. I suggest you to make sure that you have written the main subjects clearly before you use subject pronouns.  
  
Body2:  
-AlthoughGlobalization has broughta few job opportunities tothe society, but it has deprived impact ...  
1. Grammar: Although ........, ...... (direct clause without "but"); 2. collocation: brought + for  
-....weaving profession **is**severely affected...  
You need passive voice here.  
  
Conclusion:  
-rapid expansion of supermarkets always have a threat  
My advice is: avoid over-generalization (always, none, every etc.)  
  
Keep writing pal :)
**Some people believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
## children's burden

  
  
The virtues of learning foreign languages are too visible to be neglected. But is it wise to burden children with foreign language lessons from their primary school? I rather doubt it. From my perspective, it should be optional rather than compulsory.  
  
On the one hand, it is an undeniable fact that learning foreign languages can develop the cognitive skills of children. It has been proved that bilingual people are more prone to see issues from different angles and their decision process is faster than their monolingual peers. Apart from that, this can also fuel their communication skills, so making friends would not be challenging for them. Moreover, knowing additional languages improves their career prospects, thereby their employability will be enhanced in their later life.  
  
Even if having considered all these facts, would they enough to making language classes mandatory before secondary school? By no means, our future dreams should not be at the cost of children's spare time. At their earlier ages, their freedom, desires, should be our first priority instead of imposing our preferences. We cannot want from them to sacrifice their childhood, all we can do is just to drum up more interest in such things which in turn will be very useful as time goes by. Taking into consideration that they have a long education life in times to come, it would be cruelty of us to demand more.  
  
In conclusion, I reaffirm my position that we try to lighten children's burden at their earlier ages and spending extra time to learning a foreign language should depend on their choices.
Adam, your essay is flawed in more ways than one. For starters, you are never to present a question in the essay. That is not an acceptable mode of discussion for an essay that is to be based on personal opinion and other facts. Then, there is the even bigger problem of you not presenting a validly developed personal opinion paragraph in the essay that could accurately present your thoughts on the matter. You cannot take the discussion of the two sides individually and pass that off as your own. You need to have a separate paragraph to represent your opinion. You can present that as the second to the last paragraph in your essay. At this moment I am not sure about whether or not I should give you a band score for this essay because of the problems in it that I am sure you can correct once it is pointed out to you.
@Holt  
First, thanks. Your feedbacks are always very detailed and I learn many things from them. For introduction, I just wanted to write in different style. As I see it, it is not sufficient, so I will change it. But, I really confused with essay structure. Probably, I mixed discussion essays with opinion essays, because this structure is one of best for opinion essays. I just wonder that will it be wrong if I discuss opposed views on the main bodies and give my opinion in the conclusion, rather than add new paragraph for my opinion?
Adam, I am not sure where you got the idea that you can present your opinion in the concluding statement. That is the wrong approach. The personal opinion is always presented in a separate paragraph because the rules of academic writing state that no additional or new information can be presented in the concluding statement. To be precise, the concluding statement should be comprised of 3-5 sentences that do the following:  
  
1. Present the restated prompt discussion.  
2. Offer the two opposing points of view.  
3. Reiterate your opinion.  
4. Offer a closing sentence to conclude the essay.  
  
Also, the proper format for discussing this type of essay, in my opinion is as follows:  
  
1. Paraphrased prompt, two opinions, your personal opinion.  
2. Opposing point of view discussion  
3. Supporting point of view presentation  
4. Your personal opinion in support of the third statement  
5. Concluding statement  
  
I find that the aforementioned format for a discussion or compare and contrast essay works best for most essay presentations.
Hi everyone, I'm practicing the writing test in IELTS, would you please give me some comments to my works?  
  
## Discipline toward kids

  
  
Question:  
  
**It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them to learn this distinction.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?  
What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?**  
  
Answer:  
  
Everything has a good side and a bad side, punishment is no exception. Although there is a bad side for punishment, I still believe that it is important for having punishment to teach children about the correct values. I support this with the following reasons.  
  
At first, punishment is an effective way to teach children for knowing what is wrong. Undoubtedly, praise can encourage children to do the right thing. In contrast, punishment can deepen children's memory for the wrong thing that they have done. Punishment has been used for over a thousand of years and it is one of the best way for teaching children according to past experience in human history. And now, punishment is still being using to punish the citizens who violate the law.  
  
Secondly, punishment can provide the indication of the seriousness of fault that children made. Different level of punishment apply to different level of fault which allow children to know that which fault they should never do. For example, children can be punished by standing alone for five minutes if they quarrel with each other. However, if they fight with each other, the level of punishment should become higher. In this case, the punishment can be a standing for twenty minutes. Therefore, the children can know that the fault of fighting is a worse than quarrel.  
  
Nevertheless, it cannot be denied that some kinds of punishment will cause a bad effect to children's psychological and physical health. In the past, parents may use physical punishment to teach their children. However, many experts already point out that it might damage the relationship between the parents and children and it also hurts the children physically.  
  
Therefore, it is essential for us to decide which punishment should be adopted. Personally, I believe that physical punishment should never be used for teaching children as it hurts children in both psychological and physical aspect. We could use other punishments which is not harmful to children such as packing up trash and cleaning houses etc.  
  
From what has been discussed above, we can finally draw the conclusion that punishment is needed for teaching children. However, we should carefully choose what kind of punishment we should use. Punishment that will cause any harm to children like hitting children should never be allowed.
Hi Janice. You really did an impressive job on this essay. I was so impressed by the improvement in your work that I am actually going to score this an overall of 6. the only reason that the score was held back was due to some grammar and sentence structure errors. While you have shown some fluency in English, it does not erase the fact that there were still noticeable errors in sentence development and grammar usage. Although it did not affect the flow of thought and presentation of your facts, the fluency in English still has to be considered. The more fluent and sentence / grammar error free your essay gets in the future, the higher your score will get. I am convinced that you have the ability to gain a sense of fluency in your writing in the very near future. You almost have it, so don't stop practicing and reading English based material. That is the best way to gain fluency in the written language.
On the contrary, since the word corporal isn't part of the keywords provided in the essay, she could use the term corporal punishment in the wrong context and as such, lower her lexical resource score. It is best to prove English comprehension and lexical skills by first using the keywords in the essay in the proper manner in a sentence. Now, since she has no reason to use corporal punishment in her essay as she is not familiar with the term, it would be best not to use it. An alternative is sufficient. Sometimes, simply proving you understand the question and can discuss it accurately when when using simple English words can gain you a higher score than using complex words in the wrong way. It's all about how comfortable you are in using what you know of the English language, which helps you express yourself clearly that matters the most which can increase your score. Using the term physical punishment is enough in this instance because she knows how to properly use that term.
**IELTS Task 2. Governments should spend more money on railways rather than roads.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?**  
  
## Roads vs railways investment

  
  
*Write at least 250 words.*  
  
We live in an age where many of us want a driving licence or already have one and coming with that we also want a private vehicle for commuting and pleasure. But looking at the human population is significantly raising, peoples requirements are increasing too. I will rather agree that the governments should invest more on railways and below I will give reasons to support my position.  
  
First of all it is safer to commute by train than on road or highways. As we can see in TV and magazines, so many accidents happens day by day, yet on railway it is not often to happen. Second of all, avoiding congestion and traffic jam which causes stress and tiredness which does not contributes to our well being, therefore the roads remain clear for any emergencies and also saving land and prevent deforestation which contribute to our heath.  
  
Another point worth noting is that we have more time for ourselves. When I travel to work and way back home, I see students reading and revising their homework. But not only them, also people relax themselves by reading a magazine or just listening to music after a long day working. I agree that we can listen to music while driving but also you have to pay attention on road and any hazards that may occur.  
  
To summarise if governments should spend more money on railways rather then roads divides opinion but my point of view is that by investing more on railways means investing in a safer future for us and our children.
Anna, I believe that the overall score for your essay should fall within the passing range of 5. You came up with an essay of an adequate length that shows how you tried to display more complex sentences and also increased vocabulary. While you sometimes failed to accurately present your thought process in paragraph 2, which caused a certain degree of stress for the reader, most of the intentions that you had for the paragraphs were clear enough to be understood. It is actually the second paragraph that resulted in a lower score for your essay because the discussion you presented was not coherently presented. There were some grammar and sentence structure errors as well that definitely contributed to the confusing discussion in paragraph 2. It should be noted though, that you presented a pretty convincing discussion in the parts where the reader could somehow make out what you are saying with less stress than the other points of the essay. That is why you managed to get a 5, in my opinion, for this essay.
The line chart shows the information about the number of population growth between 1800 and 2100. While, the bar chart displays the number of population in developed countries and developing countries from 2015 to 2040. It can be seen that the highest inhabitation of developing countries will rise a peak dramatically in 2040. On the other hand, the developed countries stay constant from 2015 to 2040.  
  
in 1800, the number of people in in the started at 1000 millions of people. The growth of population increased gradually to 3000 millions in 1950. And, it will increase sharply at 8000 millions in 2040. A rapidly decline will happen in the last of year in 2100. Despite, it will reach the same condition in the present.  
  
Ultimately, by continuing a growing of population in developed country. It can be seen that the population of developed countries will occur a like of number around 1000 millions in 2040.  
  
*
Hi Dayat,  
  
Can you please let us know what the purpose of this piece? Where is it intended to be sent?  
  
And also, I see that there are some grammatical/wording errors:  
  
For example, this sentence:"While, the bar chart displays the number of population in developed countries and developing countries from 2015 to 2040"  
  
The correct usage should be: "While A, B" with a meaning of "in spite of the fact that".
Dayat, this chart is very haphazardly written. You were supposed to create a comparison summary of the histogram and line chart. All you did was write about the information in the line chart. This would be an automatic failure in an actual test because you did not properly summarize the charts provided, which shows that you failed to understand the information provided. That is too bad because you show such potential in writing summary reports. The lack of histogram comparison created a gaping hole in your summarized report. Had you just properly applied the information from the two charts, you could have presented a clearer and more informative summary. Your line chart is very incomplete and does not actually serve an informative purpose because of this.