dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
There are 2 possible exam representations for this topic. It can be a Task 2 or Task 1 essay. However, since this may also be a college admission essay prompt, I am unsure as to how to proceed with reviewing your work. Since you did not provide the relevant prompt for this essay, I will not be able to review this accurately in terms of format and content. All that I can do is offer you a general review of your work.  
  
Let's start with the word count. If you are writing this for a task 1 essay, then your response should only be between 175-190 words. For the task 2 essay, anywhere from 275-290 words would have sufficed. The score is not based on the number of words you have written. You have to focus on writing properly, with quality, and clarity, to get a better overall score as based on the scoring rubic. Task 1, leaves you with 20 minutes to deliver a complete thought explanation. Task 2, gives you 40 minutes. Neither of the test time frames will allow you to write 381 words with time to spare for word proofing. In relation to a college admission essay, I need to know what the specific word count for the prompt is and what the other writing instructions are before I can review it for those specific requirements.  
  
Due to the extreme word count, you failed to nottice your errors in relation to spelling, grammar, and clarity. All of which have a direct effect, due to points deductions in specific sections of scoring, on your final overall score. I will refrain from commenting on this as a possible college essay as I do not have enough background information with which to develop a review for that purpose.
## ACCESS TO INTERNET, MOBILE PHONES, COMPUTERS AND CD PLAYERS

  
  
The graph below illustrates percentage terms the changing patterns of domestic access to modern technology in homes in the UK from 1996 to 2003. Overall, the percentage of using CD player, home computer grew slowly year by year. The access to mobile phone fluctuated and only the percentage of internet access started in 1998. In 1996 , CD player was the most popular modern technology in home in UK with 60 percentages of user and increased to 82 percent in 2002 . The trend of home computer was similar to CD player, rising from 23 percent to 56 percent in 6 years. Mobile phone was the least popular in 1996 with 17 percent users , it fluctuated slightly over the next 6 years , the percentage of mobile phone user stood in 65 percent in 2002. Internet access just started in 1998 with a small percentage, about 15 percent and then went up to 43 percent in 2002.
I am sure this is the line graph as I have done it recently.  
1. You should include the type of chart in your writing, in your case, "line graph"  
2. You should not use "illustrate". I read on englishforum that "illustrate" means "make a picture", so you should use this for map, diagram, or process. In line graph, I think using "show", or "compare", or "plot" will be better.  
  
3. You should not copy entirely the topic given to you. Rewrite it in your own way, for example, "the line graph compares the percentage of homes having access to one or more of these items:....". Remember to include names of the items and timeframe in the beginning.  
  
4. I think "percentage of using CD player" is not good. You may write "percentage of homes/families using..."  
5. You may want to make "only the percentage of Internet access..." a separate sentence. Moreover, this clause needs a bit of correction, like "In 1998/99, Internet connection first appeared"  
  
6. In 1996, CD player was...homeS in UK..", you forgot "s" there. And I think "60% of users" will be more suitable.  
7. "with 17% OF users". You should add OF  
8. You should make your writing into three or four paragraphs.
Hi guys. I've just known about this website about 2 hours ago and I think it might be useful for my next exam. Thank you for taking your time reading and checking my essay. Have a nice day everyone!  
  
*Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems.  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?*  
  
Some people believe that living in a foreign country where people are forced to speak a different language than their mother tongue could be beneficial in many ways. In my opinion, I believe that speaking a foreign language could cause serious problems not only in social life but also in working or studying environment.  
  
First of all, not speaking fluently one country's language could raise serious problems in social life and daily activities. People might easily be let down and feel isolated when they cannot communicate with local people for basic needs such as finding a place to stay or buying food to eat. Overseas students and immigrants, who are most likely to be put in this situation, usually suffer from depression during the first few months after arriving at the destination country due to their lack of talking to others. Furthermore, not being able to speak the widely used language in one country might prevent people to explore and understand that country's culture. It cannot be denied that there will always be something which only the locals could understand. For example, foreigners are usually confused and incapable of knowing the actual meaning and context of slangs, idioms or jokes, which makes it harder for them to fit in.  
  
Secondly, not being able to speak the language that are widely spoken could be a barrier for people at workplace or in educational environment. For example, some information from the lessons or commands from the employers could be misunderstood or misleading, which might cause serious consequences. In addition, lacking of language ability might prevent foreign workers from getting a decent job rather than manual labour. Language barrier could also be a challenge for those who want to be promoted at work because of the discrimination from their employers and colleagues. Therefore, they have to work harder than others to get what they deserve.  
  
In conclusion, regardless of the advantages and opportunities of speaking a foreign language, I believe that there are many drawbacks and difficulties in daily life that should be taken into consideration when deciding to move to another country.
Hi,  
  
Your first sentence seems to state the wrong topic. It's about problems not benefits, isn't it? Your conclusion, again, mentions the advantages which aren't stated in your essay.  
  
Some grammartical errors:  
- First of all, ~~not~~ speaking *fluently* (I think this word is redundant) one country's ...  
  
- prevent people **to explore** => from exploring  
  
Hope this helps ^^
You are speaking of your belief without responding to the question being asked. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You failed to respond to the prompt question which would have been the basis of your reasoning discussion. You should have responded to the additional questions as well and delivered examples of the social and practical problems that could occur.  
  
Do not rush your discussion presentation. Think about your response. Use an outline. Pick one topic per paragraph. Formulate your supporting discussion reasons. Don't just keep on presenting reasons without working out how these relate to one another. It delivers a confusing essay to follow. You need to keep it properly focused on a singular discussion topic per paragraph.  
  
Regardless of the discussion issues, the mere fact that you did not respond properly to the prompt question will hinder your scoring potential. You may not be able to reach the base passing score at this point.
## Three charts analysis

  
  
The given pie charts illustrate the proportion of sodium, saturated fat and added sugar used in breakfast, dinner, lunch and snacks in the USA. All of that nutrients may be harmful if eaten too much.  
  
Overall, the rate of sodium and saturated fat are the highest for dinner while sodium for snacks and breakfast is the lowest proportion at all. In addition, added sugar is the highest percentage for snacks.  
  
It is clear that sodium and saturated fat are added in dinner by 43 percent and 37 percent relatively which are the highest percentage at all. Meanwhile, all of 3 nutrients eaten in breakfast are quite low around 14-16 percent.  
  
In snacks, added sugar accounts for 42 percent which is more than saturated fat 2 times (21 percent) and sodium 3 times (14 percent). Besides, sodium, saturated fat and added sugar in lunch are from 19 percent to 19 percent.  
  
*
When you mention that there are 3 pie charts, you need to make a reference as to what each pie chart represents. You can either identify it by chart title or, you can list the chart titles by saying "the pie charts represent... respectively". It helps clarify your summary presentation in the summary overview.  
  
You need to show more comparisons in your sentence. Instead of just using 2 sentences, aim to write at least 3 sentences so that you can clearly refer to an analytical portion in your paragraph presentation. The analysis is very important because it adds to the clarity of the presentation, allows you to show a mix of simple and complex sentences, and also gives you the opportunity to show your analytical thinking to the examiner.
## IELTS TASK 1- NUMBER OF BOOKS READ BY MEN AND WOMEN

  
  
The given line graph creates a comparison between man and women with respect to the number of books read by a particular gender over the course of 4 years(2011-2014) at Burnaby Public Library.  
  
Overall, book numbers kept on increasing for both genders, while males showed a steady growth, women's number dangled over the given time interval.  
  
In 2011, women read 2000 more books as compared to men, who only read around 3000 books. This difference further stretches in the following year, with males and females reading 8000 and 4000 books respectively.  
  
However, for the next two years, the number declined for females, while an opposite trend can be seen for males, with effect by 2013, both were reading 10000 books. Gap further widens by a more steep decrease in case of women, and by 2014, men read 8000 more books compared to female counterparts, whose number dropped to 7000 books.  
  
*
hi, I would like to show you some problems in your essay and hope that next time you can fix it better.  
Firstly, the number of words just reach to 150 that is enough according to the requirement and might not be appreciated. I suggest you exploit more detailed information, especially in the 2 latter paragraphs. As I can see, you just wrote 2 sentences for each one, however, there should be 3-4 sentences. You kept using run-on sentences but they seem to not work so that another simple way might be effective.  
  
Secondly, in the second paragraph, the trend should be show more clearly, you can use 2-3 sentences here. in the 2 latter paragraphs, I also recommend you to compare the number of 2 lines with comparative grammar, which will more effective.
You cannot indicate that both genders numbers showed steady growth when you also say that at a certain point, the women's number stagnated. Do not confuse the trending statement presentation. Pick one trend and present it. If you present more than one reference in that section, you are not creating a trending statement, you are creating a report. Reading your essay, it appears that there is no trending statement at all due to the confusion of the possible trending statement presentation in the second paragraph. You also forgot to report the point in the image where the points for both genders touched. That means at a certain point, the numbers were equal. That is an important aspect in reference to the comparison point of the report.
## IELTS WRITING TASK 2:Is living alone negative or positive?

  
  
In some countries, more people are choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past. Do you think that is a positive or negative development?  
  
Nowadays, an increasing number of people are opting to live alone in many nations. However, whether the trend is a positive or negative change is a controversial issue.My view is that it has both destructive and constructive influences.  
  
First, it is obvious that when people live on their own, they have a more flexible schedule for their activities.This means that they do not have to subject their family's rule about what time they can play an instrument or even go out for a party.For example, while young adults have modern lifestyles such as working lately or hanging out with friends at a club or holding a night party at weekends, their parents have more ingrained ones therefore they would not get along well in daily basis if live together. Moreover, people would be more financially independent if they live by their own.This is because the young generations are more vulnerable and insecure when they live off their parents and learning how to survive in real life is the good way of being grown-up which also reduces burdens for their family.  
  
That is not to say that living alone is always beneficial for people.Of course, managing to live in real life means that individuals may encounter some tough situations, especially when they are in an emergency such as severe illnesses like heart attack or even got bit by a snake that could risk their life without receiving help from others. Besides, the trend could put people in loneliness that could lead to depression or anxiety disorders if they stuck with their own in a long time.Taking Japan as premium example of the country that people tend to live alone, you can see Japanese not engaging with each other so much and the quantity of depression cases in Japan always remain at high level.  
  
In sum, living alone is getting more and more common all over the world, in my opinion the phenomenon has both beneficial and detrimental effects.
I would like to give you my comment.  
Firstly, I must recognize that your vocabulary and the way you use the words are completely proper as well as how you interpret the examples given. However, the exact tone you used is for speaking, not for writing in my perspective. you continued to use run-on sentences and the wrong use with commas. For example, it should be ",therefore,". There are some verbs that shouldn't be used in writings such get/got.  
  
Moreover, I've checked the number of words in your essay. It's too much long and I believe that you won't be able to finish it on time.
You have to learn to identify the difference between a multiple opinion essay and a single opinion essay. The minute you read the word OR in the prompt, that is a single opinion essay. When you read "discuss both points of views..." then that is a multiple opinion essay. This prompt has the word OR in it, making it a single opinion essay. That means, the comparative discussion is incorrect. Rather, you need 2 reasoning paragraphs in defense of a single opinion. Your opinion does not show a clear personal point of view. That will affect your overall score as there is no clarity to your opinion that is aligned with the prompt requirements.
Please give me detailed comments, I'm not confident of my skill in writing task 1, especially with diagram types.  
  
## The flow chart illustrates the techniques of how to achieve a driving license in the US.

  
Firstly, it is required to go to the driving center and then fill in the forms. After finishing essential procedures, an eyesight test is given. If drivers can not get over, they will not have the license. In contrast, they will be asked for paying fees so that they have a written exam.  
  
In terms of the written exam, if the result is failed, then another written one is given. If at the second one, drivers are going on to fail, they can still involve in another one that is the final. Keeping the failure, they must pay fees and have the written exam again. In case, the drivers pass the exam completely so they can have the road exam.  
  
The road exam is one of the procedures in testing drivers' abilities. When the drivers continue to take a passing score, the result is that they can get the driving license. Otherwise, they repeat to pay fees and take part in the written exam until they have enough standards.  
  
(185 words)  
Thanks for reading
Great job with your transitional words, I like how your essay is straight to the point. I'm impressed you used complex sentence at the beginning of your essay; it makes your essay stand out more. Great vocabulary, however I would like you to reduce the use of words like (get, go, then, going, take, is, so, are, part). I suggest you change **can not** to **cannot**, and replace **for** With **about**. Overall, the essay is great!
**Hi guys,  
I'm practicing IELTS writing task 2. Please give me some comments on my essay. Thanks in advance! All the best, Thuy**  
  
## IELTS WRITTING TASK 2. HOMEWORDS.

  
  
*Some people believe that school children should not be given homework by their teachers, whereas others argue that homework plays an important role in the education of children. Discuss both of these views, and give your own opinion.*  
  
People's opinions sometimes considerably differ on whether or not their children should be sent to school with tons of need-to-complete homework. While there are still several existing arguments against the setting of homework, my point is that the homework assignment is a vitally important aspect of sustainable development in education and training.  
  
There must have been a row of reliably reported reasons to explain why many agree that homework is an unnecessary burden on their children. Firstly, homework does nothing to improve educational outcomes in some typically modern societies such as Finland, Germany, and the Netherlands. In spite of that, their education systems regularly remain at the top of the international educational league tables for years. Their high - ranking education outperforms other nations where children hit the school every day, along with mandatory homework. Secondly, the whole day in school is already long enough. Children are probably even too exhausted so that they cannot stand doing further studies when they already return home. Finally, brain development requires a nice relaxing time to recover from the hustle and bustle of daily life rather than a routine operation that goes wrong.  
  
My point is, in contrast, homework has a critical role to play in the schooling of children. Indeed, it could be a tool to encourage independent learning and problem-solving. In a bustling world with activity, children gradually will face challenges at their own pace. For that reason, these skills are in need of growth to ensure independence in their own lives. To achieve this goal, right at the school, students need to manage to get the most feasible resolution to apply previously learned knowledge to new domains  
  
A clear example of this is that an excellent student, maintaining high marks in mathematics, certainly must spend most of his free time doing mathematics exercises at home. If not, he will get into trouble in being familiar with a ton of complicated and invisible concepts lecturing by their teachers at school. These intellectual exercises support them in consolidating available understandings to adapt to independent works in the future. In general, learning is only a one-way path unless assignments are included. Importantly, sooner or later, children are going to develop an independent study habit to address new problems alone as adults.  
  
In conclusion, setting homework, of course, has its drawbacks, but I support the view that its benefits have consistently outperformed for a very long time.
This is an academic essay. Everyday English slang does not have any place in it. Do not refer to "tons of need-to complete homework" as that is simply too informal for this type of discussion. You have inaccurately created a rephrasing of the original prompt. Actually is not inaccurate in as much as it is incorrect. You must refer to the original discussion, the points for discussion, and refrain from presenting a personal opinion at that point. The personal opinion may only be completed after you have presented a discussion of the 2 points of view. After those discussions have been presented, then you discuss your personal opinion in the last part of the essay. So you should be presenting 3 discussion paragraphs instead of 3 reasoning paragraphs with 2 representing your personal opinion. Each opinion gets only one paragraph each.
## Many high street shops have gone out of business in recent years.

  
***why do you think this has happened? Is it a positive or negative development?***  
  
Shopping online is developing in technology's world and it is a reason make traditional stores have disappeared in recent years. In this essay, I will discuss the reasons and positive or negative for development.  
  
On the one hand, there are many reasons why high street shops are disappearing. Firstly, online shopping is faster, cheaper and more convenient than traditional brick-and-mortar stores. For example, people can sit at home with a smartphone or a computer connect with the internet. They can search on the website to purchase products which they want to buy with the lower price than traditional stores. After that, they can receive items within 2 or 3 days. Additionally, products which you can not find in your local, you can buy it online without to find other traditional stores. Secondly, shopping online has many choices for customer to choose the product they need with high quality.  
  
On the other hand, shopping online development brings many benefits and drawbacks. The most important thing about shopping online is saving time. For example, shopping online is a solution for busy people as those who can not leave their house. Besides, a world of choice help people have many choices and buy items suitable for their styles and characters. However, shopping online uses the system to run programs on the website, so stores do not need over employments when they use the website to sell products. Therefore, shopping online is rising unemployment and loss of community as high streets become deserted.  
  
In conclusion, shopping online brings many benefits and it is a cause to make traditional stores meet difficulties. For traditional brick-and-mortar stores, they can connect with shopping online to can sell their products better.
You did a good job in delivering the reasons why you think high street shops have gone out of business. You did not do a good job on 2 fronts through:  
  
- There is no clear reference to the high street shops as indicated in the original prompt  
- You failed to properly respond to the question provided  
  
The latter part will be seen by the examiner as a reference to your indecision. You must provide a clear opinion in this type of essay. Opt to defend one side. Think of which side you know more about and can discuss in a clear manner. Then use that point of view for the discussion. You cannot choose to defend both sides because you are asked "Is it a positive or negative development". Based on the question, you cannot say it is both. The word OR indicates that you have to choose one side of the debate to represent.