dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***Hi Maksim**, I have read this essay closely. I am gonna offer you a few suggestion so that those can make this better.  
Firstly, if you wanna get a higher score, you are supposed to have the meaningful thesis statement (the last sentence of the first paragraph). Not only you should show your position, but you have to give brief reasons why you stated like that. This has a function for presenting information what you would explain in the body paragraph.  
  
For your first body paragraph, you couldn't answer the question/ prompt given. Your supporting reason was very weak so that you were not able to persuade readers for agreeing with your perspective. I have not got your logical flow. This is an essential element for being presented in order to meet the requirement. Following this, it seemed like layman's opinions. Pay attention to this factor because this related to task achievement.  
  
Actually, you also did the same model in your second body paragraph. You seemed like directly presenting the relevant examples whereas you had to begin with the explanation/ reason why you stated. Trust me, you cannot the higher score so that you have missed the task achievement.  
  
In this moment, I only give you these corrections. Hopefully, you can meet my notes and deal with them  
GOOK LUCK for next writing*
## surrounding at a workplace

  
  
I think most people don't like noise because it makes us feel difficult to concentrate on work. However, I found the special points of view in the new findings.  
  
As mentioned in the article,"The findings suggest that settings used for cognitive tasks, such as workplaces and schools, could benefit from designs that take into account the sound that's likely to be present, says Tamesue-not just the volume, he adds, but the meaningfulness, as well." As for examples, school bells can make us know it is the time for the class. Moreover, the broadcaster on the train announced the notice, it is time to get off or go on the train. They are all good examples to proved that the meaningful noises can make people concentrate on something.  
  
It is true that surrounding conversations often disturb the business operations conducted in such open offices, the way we can concentrate on work is donning our headphones. The studies have shown that the music without lyrics and the natural sounds can enhance our work productivity.
Carol, I am not sure as to the purpose of the statement that you just wrote. What exactly is the instruction for the development of your essay? You have not provided us with much to go on with regards to reviewing your work. It would have helped if you had given us instructions and possibly, a copy of the article you are referring to. That way we would have at least had a starting point for the analysis of your work. Regardless of that though, I can still point out specific mistakes in your essay format.  
  
It would help your essay is you mention the article that you are citing in the essay. More importantly, you have to consider what writing style you are being asked to use so that you can refer to the proper in-text citation of your work. Without the proper referencing of the quote, this will be considered a plagiarized portion of your statement.  
  
While I will accept that this essay is well written to a certain degree, I question the validity of some of your statements as these seem to refer to implied statements in the article that you read, but lacks the proper reference or complete citation in the essay. That said, your English skills are of an advanced level and allows you to express yourself in a clear manner. The clarity is limited though because of the lack of in-text referencing and overview. I guess I would have had a better impression of your essay if you had provided all of the required materials to us as a guide. Good work though.
## figure of crime in Newport

  
  
The graph describes how crime rates changed in the downtown of Newport city during 2003 and 2012. As can be seen, the figure for burglary experienced a remarkable decrease over time. Meanwhile, robbery case seemed to always remain the lowest rates among three crime areas.  
  
In 2003, burglary which happened in the center of Newport, was quite a serious problem as it stood at nearly 3500 incidents. Approximately 3000 cars were stolen away in the same year, while around 500 cases were robbery.  
  
In year 2008, both burglary and robbery hit the lowest points, at around 1000 and 500 cases, respectively. Additionally, car theft also decreased slightly, at around 2000, and then went up again at 2500 incidents at the end of the time frame. Robbery in Newport city remained relatively unchanged and reached over 500 incidents, whereas the statistic of house break-ins was reported to drop dramatically, from over 3000 to 1500 cases in year 2012.  
  
*Thanks for spending time correcting my writing. What band score will I receive with this report?*  
  
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Liza, I am advising you as an IELTS and TOEFL topnotcher, as well as an academic consultant of 15 years experience. These are the reasons why, based upon my expert opinion, your score for this essay cannot be higher than a 4. That is due to the lack of analytical ability displayed in your essay. You did not properly represent an overview of the discussion in your opening statement. Rather, you went directly to a discussion of the fact presented. An overview for this essay is required as a representation of the summary outline / summary discussion to follow. That helps to inform the reader regarding the type of analysis and information presentation that will be contained in the body paragraphs.  
  
With regards to the information you presented, you failed to identify the kind of graph that was used for the report. You cannot merely say that this is a graph because different graphs have different purposes. Additionally, you must assume that the reader does not have access to the image presented and therefore, must be informed of the type of graph used by the original researcher in order to aid in their understanding of your presentation. By indicating the type of graph, you will also show that you are an informed researcher as you know the type of analysis represented by various graphs. The summary should have indicated the types of crimes that will be compared as well as the fact that the number of incidents cover the years from 2003 up to 2012. It is not a comparison of rates for 2003 and 2012. That is a different discussion from what you are being asked to summarize.  
  
Only your second paragraph in this essay falls under the 3 sentence minimum requirement for these exam essays. The reason that there is a 3 sentence minimum is simple, the more words you write, the better you can express yourself. A 3-5 sentence paragraph will help you increase your vocabulary score as well because you have the opportunity to develop more complex sentences and presentations.  
  
As for your concluding statement, you don't really have to write a concluding statement provided you have given a strong and properly informed summary overview for the opening statement. The key requirement here is that you represent your summation skills when it comes to discussions. Whether it comes at the beginning or the end is your personal decision.  
  
It is important that I point out how you failed to properly assess, analyze, and compare the chart information. If you study the chart closely, you will see moments where the graph points intersect. These intersection points should have been added to the summary as discussion points and points for comparison. A quarterly comparison of the crimes would have been best since the years presented in the chart are consecutive. Therefore, your essay missed out on a number of important discussion points and factual presentations.
Hi Liza, your observations and descriptions are correct, but I think you may miss some features which are worth mentioning. You may write more about the changes in the trends such as the bottom and the peak of a curve. Also, more than one general observation should be stated in the overview. Although only the number of burglary decreased significantly over the period, you can have a statement of decrease in overall crime rate because burglary shared a considerable proportion of crimes. I hope these can help. Keep improving, Liza.
**Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?  
Modern life is easier than life in the past.  
Use specific details and examples to support your answer.**  
  
## nowadays people live an easier life

  
  
Contemporary lifestyle is more advanced than the lifestyle of the people in the past, and I strongly agree that the existing people are having relaxed and comfortable lifestyle than their ancestors had in the past. Mainly, due to the availability of many different kinds of infrastructures, the life of the people are being easier. I will explicate the different reasons to bolster my arguments in the following paragraphs.  
  
Firstly, a plethora of facilities have already been introduced up to this 21st century and also are going to be discovered in this world. The facility like transportation helps people to migrate from one place to another very easily that could take many hours in the past. For example, I commute to work - takes more than two hours on foot - on a motorcycle that takes only 30 minutes that makes my life easier so that I don't need to walk a lot and even I can save some time with my family or I can entertain myself. The education, a basic need, is provided for almost all the citizens of all the countries in the world. The greater change in the health sector, availability of hospitals and doctors have helped the indigent people to access and cure all kinds of health related issues in no time.  
  
Secondly, with the advent of the technologies, the life of the people have become easier than the people living in the past. The people, nowadays, in many sectors use different kinds of machinery types of equipment that can easily work faster than by the manual efforts. For instance, the robots which don't get tired can be engaged in the incessant production of the goods. Not only that we can order it to do any kind of tasks just by sitting in one corner of the room without physically involving yourself in that particular job. The electronic devices like laptops, desktops have helped people to create many kinds of job opportunities.  
  
Thirdly, another important factor is the development of the communication sector which has made the world a global village. One can easily talk to their distant friends or relatives with a phone call or a video call in a cheap call rate. One can know each and every thing about the world. People can watch live games and get entertained due to the video conferencing which was not possible before a century.  
  
To sum up, the invention of vehicles, the advancements in the electrical and electronics equipments, and greater change in the telecommunication sectors have assisted people to live a easier life than the people lived in the past who did not have any chance to consume such kinds of facilities.
Utsav, your brain was running a mile a minute when you wrote this essay. You thought of so many topics for discussion that you neglected to follow the standard format requirements for the essay. You do not have a proper opening paragraph with paraphrasing, nor do you have a proper concluding statement for the essay. You only have 5 body paragraphs. In the actual test, you know what such an oversight would result in for your score. Do not make that mistake ever again if you want to pass this test. You have presented way too many topics for discussion per paragraph so all you have are continuous sentence subject representations but no paragraph discussion development. This resulted in a complete lack of coherence and cohesiveness in your paragraphs. This is haphazard work that showed your only focus was on the vocabulary and grammar accuracy aspect, which resulted in your neglect of the other similarly important aspects of essay presentation in the test. I can say that you have an intermediate level of English expertise which was eclipsed by your lack of proper essay presentation. I would like you to concentrate, during your next practice test, on properly assessing the original prompt instructions, outlining your discussion topics in a coherent and cohesive manner, and then developing a proper concluding statement. Do not lose sight of the required elements of the test. When you forget to follow the expected pattern, this sloppy work is what you produce.
The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting tha main features, and make comparisons where relevant.  
Write at least 150 words.  
  
## appetite for meat and seafood

  
  
The diagram illustrates fish and meats consumed in a country in Europe during the period from 1979 to 2004.  
  
In general, the consumption level dropped throughout the years between 1979 and 2004. Among all kinds of food, the amount of chicken ate was the only rising number while other three items' figures decreased.  
  
In 1979, there were more than 200 grams of beef consumed per person per week which was the highest figure. The lamb consumption amounted to around 150 grams per person per week while the figure of chicken as food was just 10 grams lower than the lamb consumption. Last but not least, people ate about 60 grams fish per week.  
  
The consumption of beef drastically plummeted to just over 100 grams per person per week in 2004 although this amount has once peaked at the level of almost 250 grams in a year from 1979 to 1984. The weights of lamb and fish consumed fell steadily to approximately 60 grams and below 50 grams respectively in 2004. In contrast, chicken was the only choice became more popular in the 25 years. Its consumption level skyrocketed to around 250 grams per person per week. (196 words)  
  
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Peter, the summary overview is the most important part of the Task 1 essay. This is the paragraph that shows how you analyzed the information and decided upon what information to present. Therefore, it should be longer than just a single sentence. It has to be presented in at least 3 sentences. The sentences that you should have presented in the opening summary is as follows:  
  
1. The type of graph / diagram presented and inclusive years of comparison  
2. The types of food included in the diagram  
3. The general trend you observed.  
  
Your current opening statement only satisfied one of the 3 requirements that could have created a strong summary overview for your essay.  
  
With regards to your sentence construction, do not relax your word choice. You are to speak in an academic tone at all times so when you say "Last but not the least", you are using a conversational instead of informative tone. You could have instead said "Finally..." or "Chicken was the least consumed..." Always place a degree of respect for your academically trained reader. This is still an academic essay after all.  
  
Save for these 2 observations, your work is pretty good. You have developed an acceptable presentation of relatively complex sentences to impress the reviewer with your degree of English language use. I look forward to reading your succeeding practice tests. Keep up the good work.
I really appreciate if you can check my essay and suggest a score for my ielts writing task 2, thanks alot.  
  
**In recent years, information technology has come to play a major part in many aspects of our lives. There is more information than ever before and communication has become instant, but university lecturers are putting their lectures on the internet rather than giving the lectures to students themselves and people sitting next to each other in offices are emailing each other rather than speaking. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of these developments?**  
  
## harmful convenience

  
  
Nowadays, people's lives are becoming more dependent on information technology than ever due to its rapid growth. While I believe that the advancement of technology is beneficial to individual, I agree that overall it does more harm to us and our local communities.  
  
The leap in information technology brings in a lot of convenience to our daily lives. For example, people rely heavily on instant messaging like Whatsapp to communicate with each others. Families or relatives who are separated around the globe can easily keep in touch by means of emails of social media like Facebook or Tweeter. The invention of these communication tools not only shorten the distance between individuals, it also speeds up theirs responses instantly.  
  
On the other hand, the effect that people relying too much on these tools can be seen as negative. With the ease of online shopping, people prefer to stay at home and shop for everything from groceries to gifts with the click of a mouse. Consequently, it becomes harder for the people to build up a bonding within the community they live in as they seldom have the chance to meet up with others and interact. It is considered important that human interaction creates a sense of belongingness and builds up close relationship with others. Such social skills are vital to us as we can not live alone by ourselves.  
  
In conclusion, although the revolution of information technology has brought individual closer to each other, in the long run it does more harm to us as it can be seen. Therefore, we should be more proactive to reach out to others and promote a healthy social live.
Tonga, I am really disturbed by the fact that you show a good grasp of the English language when it comes to writing, but then you failed to properly understand the topic for discussion in the original prompt. You were being asked to discuss these two areas in relation to the outweighing of the advantage or disadvantage of technology in the workplace and academic setting:  
  
1. Professors placing their lectures online instead of lecturing in a classroom, physical setting  
2. Office personnel emailing rather than talking to each other even though they seat next to each other.  
  
The topics for discussion in the essay were clearly given and yet you disregarded the topics provided and instead, developed some discussion topics of your own. While your English skills are acceptable, the change in the discussion slant from the original shows that you somehow did not really understand the instructions provided. There is a disconnection between your writing skills and your English comprehension skills. That is why this essay cannot gain a score higher than a 3.
**In recent years some countries have experienced very rapid economic development. This has resulted in much higher standards of living in urban areas but not in the country side. This situation may bring some problems for the country as a whole.  
  
What are these problems?  
How might they be reduced?**  
  
## rapid economic development and issues

  
  
Although burgeoning economic growth improves the standards of living in the country as a whole, it affects the countryside and cities of the country unevenly. This , in turn, results in both high unemployment rate and difficulties for young people to pursue better tertiary education in the countryside. In this essay, these problems and viable solutions by the state will be discussed.  
  
Notably, one of the major problems people in countryside face is unemployment. Due to the fact that people living in cities tend to consume more products and demand more services than in the countryside, business companies and large factories are built inside the city. This results in difficulties for people to find a job in the rural area. Obviously, they have to migrate to the urban areas in search of better job opportunities. Undoubtedly, crime rate is increased with high unemployment rate simultaneously. Having no opportunities to find a job people start committing a crime to make a living. In order to reduce an unemployment rate the government should force national and international business organisations to establish their factories in the countryside. By doing so, more places in the workforce are created.  
  
Another problem young people in the countryside face is mastering a high-quality academic degree. Since prestigious colleges and universities are situated mostly in developed cities, youth from remote areas of the country come to the cities to study at universities and face variety of problems. For instance, they have to spend a lot of money on renting accommodations while studying at universities. Moreover, qualified tutors and members of academic staff do not want to live in the countryside due to the shortage of basic facilities for people available there. To solve this problem the state should invest in tertiary organizations and improve standards of living in the countryside .  
  
In conclusion, providing facilities unevenly may result in the high unemployment rate and substandard education in the countryside. If actions mentioned above are taken by the government, problems can be reduced.
@Sirojiddin it would be best if you can separate your discussions into the manner indicated in the discussion instructions. That way you can show a clear understanding of the instructions provided. So by presenting 2 problems first and then 2 solutions next, the essay will be better outlined for the examiner. By the way, you are focusing on a government solution to the problem when that is not indicated in the original instructions. Always reflect the information that is in the original prompt. Do not represent information that is not required. The solution that you should have presented could have been worded in a manner that could have been implemented by either a government or civilian institution. A general discussion / reference is always best.  
  
You must also be conscious of the required sentence and paragraph elements for this essay. Do not write more than 5 sentences and do not develop more than 5 paragraphs, 3 of which will be the body paragraphs. Even with these observations, I will acknowledge that you developed a very good essay that shows off your English comprehension skills.  
  
You show a clear understanding of the prompt requirements, but made a slight mistake in the discussion that could be overlooked by the actual examiner but I had to point out for your improvement. This is a good essay on its own. You did good work but have room for improvement. I hope that I will see a reflection of the suggested improvements in your next practice tests.
I am going to take an IELTS test maybe 3 three months from now, and writing is my most fear part -.-!!!!! Please help me improve my writing skill. Thanks for all your help. :)  
  
THE LINE GRAPH ILLUSTRATES THE AVERAGE ATTENDANCE OF TOP-LEVEL SOCCER LEAGUES IN THE UK, GERMANY, AND ITALY FROM 1970 TO 2004  
  
## number of football fans in europe 1970 - 2004

  
  
Given is a line graph illustrating the average number of matches participation of three high ranking soccer associations from UK, Germany, and Italy between 1970 and 2004.  
  
From the information supplied, It is evident that the Germany and UK's clubs show an upward trend. Meanwhile, there was a downturn in the participation rate of Italy's club.  
  
From 1970 to 1980, there was a slight drop by approximately 20000 in the presence of the Italian league. At the same periods of time, the UK's soccer association also participated in fewer matches with only 20000 in comparison with the 22000 matches in 1970. However, from then onward, both the soccer clubs' participation rate increased exponentially. 2004 witnessed the enthusiastic attendance of the Italian and English leagues with 35000 and just under 35000 consecutively.  
  
On the contrary, the number of the Germany club's matches gradually went up by around 5000 during the first decade. After that, there was a steady decline in their attendance proportion. Finally, the German soccer club's participation hit the lowest point of under 25000 matches in 2004.  
  
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