dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Reasons for recidivism

  
  
Villains freed from the prison usually commit more crimes. This statement leads to the question of why such things could happen and how to deal with that. In my opinion, it is the lack of attention in personal changing in every prisoner that has been out of our law enforcer sight.  
  
There are several factors causing the offenders become more aggressive in crime after being punished. But mostly it is occurred because we only concern from the law point of view. The length of sentence given to the crime agents are only determined by the type of crime they committed. They are all explained clearly in law. But what point we miss to see is the effect of the punishment within the villains. No matter how much time the offenders spend in jail if it does not change their mindset and behavior then it is just useless. Therefore, the length of a sentence should be based on qualifications of changed behavior experienced.  
  
One of the measurement to overcome the problem and achieve our desirable result is to pay more attention to every crime agent in prison. The way to do that is by hiring counselors specializing in crime to monitor the prisoners behavior not only how the sentence affect it but also how far it changes. When the professionals claim that the prisoners have shown significant changes and are proper to live among the society then they can be released. So it is not just about the type of crime and how long it takes time in prison according to it but also to prepare the villains to be back in public as safe as they are expected to be.  
  
To conclude, I think the offenders committed more crimes after serving their first sentence are mainly caused by the lack of changed behavior. They are only expected to spend time in jails depend on law or rules without the expectation of becoming a better person after being prisoned. That is why monitoring them one by one using the help of counselors is required.  
  
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Hello,  
  
I think the biggest issue is the cohesion. I cannot follow your thinking in several sentences and easy to lose the direction in your paragraph. And another thing you can improve is the conclusion, which you repeated the cause and solution once. Maybe you can try to write something can make your leader think more. What will it happen if the prison having no counselors (as you suggested)? or If a prison can have counselors, how will the thing go? I suppose these conclusions can make your article completely.  
  
Hope it helps!
Reading is now not the same as it used to be  
  
As time goes by, there are many improvements of how people reading. Today, people are more likely to read by using eBooks rather than hand books. This essay will discuss about causes for that phenomenon and what effect will be appeared by that.  
  
For some people, eBooks give easiness such as efficient, accessible and more practical. People could bring book as many as they want, they just need to save that eBooks in their device like smart phone so they are able to read those books in anywhere. If they want to read those books, they just open it by using their smart phone. Another reason is eBooks are more practical, people no need to go to library if they are willing to read or borrow books. They could download it by using internet. For example, people prefer to use many online books as reference for their thesis like online journal since it is easy to access, and eBooks are available in many topics and subjects so that people just need to choose what kind of books they want.  
  
On the other hand, using eBooks will yield some effects on libraries. It is able to diminish number of visitors in library since people no need to go to library for reading. Then the worst possibility is many libraries will be closed because there are no visitors. For instance, some libraries have changed into different function, they are used for save many books since nobody visits library anymore.  
  
All in all, I think that using eBooks will affect on libraries since some people prefer to use eBooks rather than paper books in library. This is because eBooks are easy to bring and people could read those books in everywhere, but I think the library still become the best place to read for library provides many books that we may not find on internet or eBooks.
**The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries.**  
  
## measured numbers of water consumption

  
  
The line graph compares the amount of water used in three sectors, while the table illustrates the plenty of water consumption on both Brazil and Congo in 2000. Overall, it is immediately apparent that a great amount of water distributed to agricultural sector. Moreover, the amount of water consumption also influenced by the huge number of population, instead Brazil.  
  
First and foremost, water would be used for three of farmland, industrial and domestic sector. Interrestingly, from 1900 to 2000, agriculture noticed as the most sector with the largest water using among the other and this amount of water become large and large till the end of period , which was 3,000 km3. In addition, the other sectors, either domestic or industrial have the same amount of water using from 1900 to 1950. Water using on both sectors also exhibit a gradual jump trend, but industrial sector reckons the higher than domestic water using in the end of timeline.  
  
On the other hand, Water consumption in Brazil and Congo were very different. In can be seen clearly that each person in Brazil need about 359 m3 water, while Congo's population just using 8 m3. It is linear with the number of their population, Brazil population is higher than Congo. Moreover, on irrigated land consumption also showed a significant gap while Brazil can watering 26,500 Km2 and Congo just 100 Km2.  
  
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Hay any, i have several advice which may can help to improve your score.  
  
firstly. you have to pay more attention on your grammatical mistake, although you tried to use several structure variations, you may lack on the grammatical accuracy, such you did i the overview sentence, *a great amount of water distributed to agricultural sector* (it has different meaning if you use active sentence here). it is also found in the next sentence in the same paragraph. so pay more attention in your passive structure. in my pint of view you may get no more than 7 if you make frequent grammatical error  
  
Turning to the second paragraph, in which you coverage about line chart, i think you have use both language of comparison and language of change, but i just found language of comparison there. so pay attention on it
## consumers money spending for their needs

  
  
The table illustrates information about the percentage of spending on different needs in several Europe Countries in 2002. Overall, all countries spent much more money on Foods/Drinks/Tobacco.  
  
Food/Drinks/Tobacco figure occupied the highest proportion of people spending in all countries. It could be seen that all countries spent on more than 15% for that. Furthermore, Turkey as the highest proportion, spent on 32.14%, and followed by Ireland, Spain, Italy and Sweden. Meanwhile, Clothing/Footwear figure was lower than Food/Drinks/Tobacco figure since they only spent on less than 10%. Moreover, the highest percentage of Clothing/Footwear figure was spent by Italy of 9.00%.  
  
However, Leisure/Education figure was the minority of consumer spending. They only spent on more than 4% by Turkey as the highest spending while their lowest spending was 1,98% by Spain. All countries spent on less than 5% for that. This is quite different with Food/Drinks/Tobacco figure and Clothing/Footwear figure for they spent on more than 5% up to 30% of expenditure.  
  
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hy @Reza\_Hidayat,  
i have just read your essay.  
  
in my view, several grammatical mistakes that you did in this essay, for example, *'spent on more than 15% for that'*, it is better if you say **spent more than 15% on this**. Furthermore, i think you have to find other work to show spending, because there are so many repetitions on this word. not only about word repetition, but also lack of structure variation yo did in this writing. you may stuck in 5 if you use such form, perhaps you can boost your sentence structure to get more than it.
**Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening and what the measures can be taken to tackle this problem?**  
  
## Criminals are not learning from previous experiences

  
  
In this global era, the crime is rampant in the world. Many of crime agents get punishment and make them to enter on prison but after finished their punishment, many of them tend to be commit more crimes. Personally I believe that it happened because the prison level punishment is lack for offender so to kick this problem the government should increase the standard of sentence, such us give death penalty and I think it is the best solution to tackle this problem.  
  
Lacking punishment standard in prison likely happened in some countries, by giving five or six years punishment in jail did not make crime agent giving up to become villain in the second times. The lack of punishment level can make them who tend to be more dangerous because they gathered with the other crime agent and they can learn the other crime skill. A 2008 survey result that the petty crime agent that get sentence in prison, many of them back to the prison in the second time because they committed crime that more highly level than before, I believe that if all first did not result the benefit for villain, it will increase crime rate in the world.  
  
To kick this problem, the government should be make strong policy and make dead penalty is legal punishment for all types of crime that is done by people for two times. Taking South Korea as example, where the people commit corruption should face the dead penalty hence the servant in this country is worried and did not want to commit crime and it make people did not have change to make mistake in the next changes because there is not the second changes for them. I believe this method is more effective than the other ways.  
  
In conclusion, the crime rate will decreased if the death penalty is applied in many countries. I believe that it will make people do not brave to commit crime in the second time. I recommended that this method should be applied in many country of the world.
Hi @syamsiahRahim , As far as I am concern, there are several suggestions for boost your score in writing task 2:  
1. Pay attention on your word choosen. Several word you use in this essay seems inappropriate such as :  
~~to enter~~ted you may use arrested on prison but after finished their punishment  
  
prison level punishment ------- Punishment level in prison  
  
many country of the world ----- **Many countries**, because it is plural  
  
2. The way you put punctuation should be in proper way, for instance, in your first paragraph line 3, you have to put punctuation after term " personally"  
  
3. Pay attention on linking word you choose, this is because it will affect on reader understanding. When you use linking word in inappropriate way, it can appear "misunderstanding" among readers  
  
However, I can say that you have a good progress in writing, I believe you can master this section on condition that you wanna practice more and more.  
  
Keep your spirit up !
**The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries**  
  
## Trends of water usage

  
  
The line chart exhibits how much water is used for three different sectors over a-decade period from 1900 to 2000, while the table compares between Brazil and Congo in consuming water I 2000. Overall, it is interesting to notice that global water spending was used mostly in agriculture sector during the period, while Brazil consumed more water that Congo.  
  
Firstly, the data shown by line chart reveal that there were upward of using water trend in all sectors. Agriculture is the biggest water consumed sector. In the first period it only spent 500 Km3, and went up by more than twice in 2000. Moreover, a slightly different was presented by industrial and domestic aspect which stood at almost 0 in the first, but they witnessed a different increase in the end of the period. Industrial spent more than 1000, twice as much as domestic sector.  
  
Turning to the table comparing water spent between Brazil and Congo, the former has spent more water for irrigated-land than latter with average 359m3 each person. Brazilian population was also three fold higher than Congo population.  
  
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Topics : **Consumers are faced increasing numbers of advertisements from competing companies. To what extent do you think are consumers influenced by advertisements? What measures can be taken to protect them?**  
  
## how to defend ourselves against advertising?

  
  
Thanks to technological innovations, market has been emerged as the indivisible part of the world and consumers are influenced by these advertisements. This essay will analyze some extent of the advertising that strongly affects on consumers.  
  
To start with, as the matter of the fact advertising had a huge effect on shopping habit and consumption of the people. In other words, advertising is the marketing tools for companies to shape their brand names. On the other hands, advertisements can reach consumers easily and help their products sell more to increase profits for companies. Partly because, advertising might stimulate consumption by telling lies and cheated. Hence, advertisements will make consumers confused with these products so many consumers base their decision on weight up their options and they not take risks. Therefore, Buying common brand names is a case in point. Above all, it is just a part of the story, in fact, some people do not care much about advertising.  
  
However, consumers raise question that what measures will be taken to protect them by these advertisements. First and foremost, governments need to come up with flexible policies to supervise companies not cheated and make sure that they not exaggerate the quality and functions of the products in order not to cause misunderstanding. In addition, Advertisements that target children should be banned. Moreover, education is essential as companies to decide their boundaries and they should never go too far in an effort to maximize profits. To be more specific, the administration plays the key role of educating people raise awareness. Furthermore, each individual must to rational and use their own knowledges, experienced to protect themselves from advertisement.  
  
In conclusion, in modern life, these advertisements seem to be unavoidable problems. Therefore, we have to update more knowledges and experienced as much as possible to not to get into trouble. Besides, children should be encouraged not to pay attention too much to it.
@alextran2215  
  
In addition,  
This eassy has analysed the disadvantages of advertisement and aslo talked some thing about the measures we must take to improve the situation.Because i am also a writting leaner,i just talk something about the grammer just for your reference.  
  
1\ as a matter of fact  
2\the use of article(the,a),such as "as the matter of the fact advertising had a huge effect on shopping habit and consumption of the people. "i think "people"here is to make a general reference,so the "the" here is unnecessary.You'd bettter check mistakes like this in the essay  
  
3\"on the other hand"  
4\"can reach consumers easily and help their products sell more to increase profits for companies."，"their"here may have a ambiguous reference.did it refer to "consumers" or "companies"?  
  
5\ singular and plural forms of nouns,for example: "consumers raise question that","question" or "questions"  
  
This is just my opinion,i hope it will give you some help.I am not that good at writing,so if there be mistakes,please just overlook them.
Hi @alextran2215 , actually I could say that your essay is quiet impressive, as you have to use many kinds of phrasal verb in your writing. I think it is important to boost your score on lexical resource. But, to make your essay more flawwless, here several suggestion to you based on my point of view:  
  
1. Try to emphasize your position in this essay. The prompt clearly request about "To what extent do you think...?" means that you have to breakdown your own perspective at first.  
  
2. Put more attention on your subject verb agreement. Here several mistakes that you must repair:  
advertising had a huge ~~effect~~  Effects on shopping habit  
  
advertising is the marketing tools for companies ~~to shape their brand names~~ you may say **"to introduse their brand"** this is important as word  
choosen should be in a proper way  
  
On the other ~~hands,~~ just use **" in the other hand"**
**The diagram below shows the process by which bricks are manufactured for the building industry.**  
  
## How brick is made

  
  
The diagram illustrates about the several stages for brick manufacturing process. Overall, there are seven steps to do which is started from clay-digging process and end up with distributing process.  
  
The process is begun by taking clay in the ground by digger, then the process is continued with mixturing process. In this stage, the clay that has been sortered in metal grid then mixtured by roller. When material has been solid and calix, sand and water are added since then it ready for forming process.  
  
At the brick-forming process, there are two method as choices, they are conventional method by mould and modern method by spesific shaper tool. Next is driying process by oven. In this stage, the bricks should be dried up to 48 hours to make the material compact. After that, the bricks are going to cooling chamber for reducing their temperature from oven heating tn the previous stage. In the last step, the bricks are ready to distribute, but before it, the peckaging process should be done perfectly.
how are you @Anhy chan  
  
i read your writing, which is very good. the way you explain is clear but remember for diagram task like this you will get high score if you using passive voice.  
  
secondly i found many misspelling such as mixturing, sortered, driying it should be mixture, sorted, drying.  
i really like your overview its short but tell everything  
but don't need to worry.. you have a good point keep going you will be get high score :)
## water use worldwide

  
  
The graph illustrates information about global water use for some sectors while the table provides information about how much water people consume in Brazil and Congo in 2000. Overall, water use worldwide by some sectors experienced an increase by time goes. Meanwhile, people in Brazil consumed a lot of water in 2000.  
  
The graph shows that there were three sectors of using water such as agriculture, industrial and domestic, and those figures had risen over a one-century period. In the first period, agriculture figure as the biggest proportion used of 500 km3 of water, and it was increasing significantly until the end of period of 3,000 km3. Meanwhile, industrial and domestic figures used less water than agriculture figure. They maintained stable over a five-decade period. Interestingly, they had a significant difference in the last period as domestic figure used a half as much water as industrial figure  
  
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However, the table shows that Brazilian consumed much more water than Congo since Brazil had bigger population than Congo. It could be seen that Brazil consumed of 359 m3 per person while Congo only consumed of 8 m3 per person.  
  
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Andi, it is usually a good practice to post the prompt of your essay alongside your draft so that we can tell whether your paraphrase in the introductory statement is proper. Right now, it is difficulty to rate the accuracy of the paraphrase you have shown in this draft. That said, I will give a general comment based on your response to the information provided. You did your best in the first paragraph which introduces and gives a general overview of the content of the graph and table provided. However, the overview information in the last sentence of the same paragraph is incomplete because it failed to capture agricultural sector which also had high water consumption in 2000 just like Brazil as shown in the table. Your grammar construction in paragraph 2 is admirable except that there are few errors due to wrong choice of words and typos. The only issue is that you were not careful enough to describe the information in the graph properly. Water use in the three sectors did not rise over a century as you stated. It only rose in agricultural sector but remained fairly stable in industrial and domestic sectors within the first half of the century from 1900-1940. By the next half of the hundred year period, industrial and domestic usage of water began to increase progressively.'industrial and domestic figures used less water...'. Do not use figures as shown in the expression highlighted. Domestic, industry and agriculture are sectors as indicated in the information provided, so see them as such. Overall, your essay met the minimum of 150 word criteria of writing task 1. It also tried in representing the information in the graph and the table, but it can not fetch a score more than 5 because it not only lacks conclusion, but also could not properly interpret the information provided.
**WT 1 - Percentage of National Consumer Expenditure by Category (2002)**  
  
## expenditures proportion for goods in Europe

  
  
The table shows the percentage of spending in three categories of goods in several countries in 2000. Overall, leisure/education group experienced the lowest number of expenditure in all countries mentioned.  
  
Food/beverages/tobacco group had the highest rate from all categories. In this group, Turkish expenditure was the highest among all the nations which stood at 32.14%. At second place was Ireland with 28.91%. The rest of the countries were around 15% and above but barely reached more than 20%.  
  
The next category was clothing/footwear which Italian spent most for this group more than the others. It was 9% while the rest showed approximately 6% without any significant gap. The last category was leisure/education. All of the countries consumption were the least in this group. The highest level of spending was taken by Turkish while Spanish took the lowest. It was 4.35% for the top and 1.98% for the bottom. The rest went around 2% to 3%.  
  
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Hi @tnritika here some suggestions for your essay:  
To get a high score in Task responce, try to compose overview wich covered the main feature. Actually in this essay you did it, but it still lack in the other feature. Another case that you should pay attention is the way you presents your whole paragraph. Keep in your mind that the good paragraph has at least three sentences, that is why, you should applied it in order to make it perfect. However, I think you have a good performance to make your writing more cohesive and cohesion, good job!l keep kearn more and more. I believe you can do your best in the next writing.