dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
@Holt  
  
Thanks a lot for your feedback. I took some actions in response to it:  
  
1. I bought a proofreading tool after one day of trial. It is really helpful!  
  
2. I made some amendments. However, I couldn't make it to just 300 words, always 280 or 320.  
  
Answer v.2>>  
  
People pursue higher education for multiple reasons. For starters, it provides a way to acquire skills and knowledge. Secondly, it allows you to interact with people from different backgrounds, hence broadens your mind and connects you with professional network. Moreover, having graduated from an accredited institution builds credibility on your resume, even more so if it's a renowned school. Below are some examples to illustrate these reasons.  
  
Learning new skills through organized courses will help you faster than looking for all the answers by yourself. Each department specializes in one discipline. Students can learn the most updated theory and knowledge through lecture, presentation, group discussion, and so on. Additionally, inspiring ideas could emerge during this process. On the other hand, Vocational colleges focus on preparing students to be job-ready.  
  
Studying with classmates, professors and teaching assistants will help you gain various insights through interpersonal interaction. You may have to communicate, explain, present on the stage, and listen actively to them. These interactions enrich and broaden you mind. People you meet here may even become your business partner or lifelong friends in the future. In all, the presence of other students and teachers help prepare a person for an office interactive environment.  
  
Apart from learning new skills and interpersonal interaction, when applying for jobs, one can demonstrate their credibility easily by presenting a copy of graduation certificate. The employer will not need to worry that much about background check. It shortens the amount of time needed to screen candidates and gives a rough idea of your educational background. We would imagine one is exceptionally tech-savvy if presented with a degree certificate, say, from MIT.  
  
Given the above reasons and examples, people attend colleges and universities to increase the chance of being hired, the career options to choose from, and a life of more variety, all thanks to the learning opportunities, networks and credibility provided by them.
**Many students find it difficult to learn subjects like mathematics and philosophy and hence they should be optional in schools. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?**  
  
## both Mathematics and Philosophy are useful subjects

  
  
Learn by heart is the most common way for learning the many subjects, but, this method does not always go with maths and philosophy as these subjects mainly depend on logical thinking and broad understanding. This situation makes them more difficult and incomprehensible for many students. However, I strongly believe that making them optional in the school syllabus would not be a smart decision as at least the basic concepts of these subjects need to be learned to get on with the life.  
  
Firstly, Mathematics is one of the most important subjects which is frequently using in our day to day life, and most of the mathematical concepts can practically apply to several real-world problems. Similarly, knowledge in mathematics is crucial for several professional fields such as engineering and management, therefore lots of career opportunities available around the globe for people who have extensive knowledge of mathematics.  
  
Likewise, Philosophy also considered as one of the essential subjects for improving the logical thinking and inner qualities of a person. Unlike other subjects, philosophy not targets to any professional specific skills, but it helps to change the thinking style of the person to make an outstanding personality. Philosophy can improve discipline and leadership qualities which play an essential role in being a successful person.  
  
However, It is true that not everyone needs to be experts in mathematics or philosophy and the choice of selecting the future career is a personal choice. But from my point of view, making them mandatory in school level would not make any unfavorable influence on child's ambition, as they can choose preferred paths at the tertiary level education targeting their future career.  
  
In short, I tend to believe that the both Mathematics and Philosophy are kinds of useful subjects and every child should have at least basic knowledge about them.
*Over the last few decades, the media has projected the image of women as young and thin.  
What problems has this caused?  
What solutions can you suggest to this?*  
  
## a pattern of beauty and its impact on women

  
  
Nowadays, the beauty of woman is measured by how young and slim their body are. This is led by a massive advertisement using woman as an object. Overall, it will lead woman to follow the trend and create health issues. Thus, there should be some aids from all around to solve these issues.  
  
It is noticeable that due to the artificial perspective of beauty, more and more woman want to be skinnier and less-aged. They put effort to follow the beauty standa by plastic surgery, cosmetic medicine and many more. This demand has become an obsession, and this is not as simple as we think because obsession come with a consequence that if it is not fulfilled. Cintia, an actress from my country always be forced to be beautiful by netizen, trapped to follow trend and has gotten her nose job for over five times in order to get a younger shaped face. Yet, instead of become more beautiful, she is now depressed as she fell ashamed to her fail surgery. And this phenomenon happen to other woman all over the world. Hence, an education about self-confident and loving ourselves the way we are, must be done in this crucial level. This will minimalize the dissatisfaction of the way they look as they are getting older.  
  
It is also evident that more women face health issues due to the overused cosmetic as they want to be beautiful. Even woman in young ages, practice unhealthy diet in order to be thinner. My friend is suffered from anorexia as she consumes dietary medicine. I believe the parents must carefully watch and keep their children from this phenomenon.  
  
To sum up, I really urge a careful education and support from family to tackle these effects of the media's designed-beauty standard.
Sri, the perfect word count for a Task 2 essay that will allow you to write 5 paragraphs with 5 sentences each is 250 words. Do not go beyond 250 words because when you write more than that, you will run out of time during the allotted 40 minutes to review, edit, and revise your essay content. You should also be conscious of the 5 sentence maximum requirement per paragraph. You have written one extremely long 7 sentence paragraph that delves into various topics that should have been discussed in the remaining 2 body paragraphs instead. These mistakes will really lower your final score. Always keep to the standard rules for writing the task 2 essay:  
  
1. Write an essay of 250 words in order to better allot the exam time for polishing your work.  
2. Always present 5 paragraphs in order to completely develop your single reason explanations and examples.  
3. Never use your personal opinion as the closing statement.  
4. Always summarize the discussion for the closing / concluding statement.  
  
Following those basic rules will help you develop an essay that can be considered for a passing score. Not following these rules will result in a problematic and low scoring essay.  
  
Your opening paragraph is unacceptable. This is not a proper paraphrasing of the opening statement. You began the discussion of the topic in the first paragraph without first introducing the prompt paraphrase in the paragraph. You must always assume that the examiner has no idea as to what the prompt for the discussion is so you have to explain it to him in your own words, in a manner that you are sure he will understand. So the proper first paragraph for this essay is:  
  
*The past ten years has seen a rise in the mass media promotion of the ideal woman as being youthful and skinny. This has caused a number of problems among the young women of today. There are a number of solutions that can be taken in order to address this situation. This essay will present a discussion of the problems that body shaming has caused and how it can be resolved.*  
  
The current problem with your essay is that even if we were to edit the content, you would not be able to present the 4th paragraph as a solution to the problem. That means that your essay presentation was wrong from the very start. You would need to revise the presentation in order to have the following format for your essay:  
  
1. Paraphrase  
2. problem 1 + example  
3. Problem 2 + example  
4. Collective solution to the problems  
5. Concluding summary  
  
This would have been the best way for you to present the essay in a manner that would have gotten you a better scoring consideration in an overall context.
## underground systems passengers rate

  
  
The table provides a statistic about total length and number of passengers per year for 6 underground systems in 6 cities around the world. It is arranged of year opened ascending. Generally, the older underground systems were opened the more longer underground systems's route are. Additionally, people have the usual trend in use subway in Early modern period. In modern period, this volume fall dramatically.  
  
As can be seen from the table, it is easy to realise that the information in the table is divided into two groups. The first group includes London, Paris and Tokyo which are an oldest underground systems. But, these underground systems were built with the length longer than the other three. Moreover, the numbe of passengers per year of the first group is bigger than the rest. Perhaps in the early modern period, means of individual transport is not popular. By contrast, modernization as a cause of crisis of individual transport. That's why the number of passengers per year for underground systems in Washington DC, Kyoto and Los Angeles significant smaller than old systems.  
  
*
Hi there,  
Here are some of my opinion on your writing task.  
  
1/ In the sentence 4th, paragraph 1, there are two verbs which are "have" and "use". It is not supposed to have two verbs in one sentence so I would recommend changing "use" into "using" due to being after the preposition "in".  
  
2/ I think it would have been better if you'd indicated the specific years on the table instead of using the word "modern period" or "early period". It does not point out clearly in which year you are mentioning about. And how the construction relevant to the number of passengers?  
  
3/ I don't see your conclusion for the writing task. Or I can't realize it.
## the effects of homework

  
  
The opinion whether to give homework or not usually lies at the heart of controversies related to education. There are many perspectives that the setting of homework on a daily basis is unnecessary. I am completely in favor of this statement.  
  
First and foremost, it is undeniable that assigning homework plays a vital role in helping pupils gain a deeper understanding of lessons learned. However, giving an excessive load of homework every day can be counter-productive as it produces unwanted stress and puts them under drastic pressure. Many students have to stay up late at night to fulfill their assignments for fear of getting bad marks. This results in bad health, especially they are in developing stage as well as affects their concentration in the next day. As a consequence, they are not only unhealthy, both physically and mentally, but they are also bad at academic performance in the long term.  
  
What is more, homework assigned on a daily basis indeed minimise students' spare time for family, friends and extracurricular activities. Homework every day prevents them from going out and relaxing. They do not have opportunities for interacting with the society and learn assorted soft skills and valuable lessons, which are very crucial to be successful in their life. That is why without the overload of homework, it stands students in good stead, as they have more chances to help their parents doing housework, to play with their friends and get involved with things they really passionate. A small amount of homework can do it good, but daily assignment should be discouraged. Take Finland for instance, they always top the world in the face of educational quality and their system is completely free from homework.  
  
In the nutshell, I subscribe to the idea that giving homework everyday is unbeneficial. The burden of excessive homework, allied with limiting students time is detrimental. Homework should be given out less, we do not need to abolish, but to lessen.
I might agree with you on several matters. However, as a reader I felt the essay's tone was angry and frustrated. This could be due to just bashing the current system of daily assigned homework without expanding your ideas and suggestions of a definite alternative. Also it's confusing to state of "many perspectives" and not to state them or who's perspectives are they. Another point I noticed was "pupils" and "they are in developing stage" gave me hints that you are talking about the homework system with regards to children only. It would be a stronger argument if you clearly stated that within your introductory paragraph. Moreover, when you say "assorted soft skills and valuable lessons", it it important to actually explain further. It is best to always assume your general audience do not know everything and thus defining new terms such as "assorted soft skills" would create a stronger argument. The exception to that is simply knowing your audience i.e. this argument will be assessed by the committee of so and so or such.  
  
Other than that there are few suggestions I would like you to consider:  
  
This ~~results~~ may result in bad health, especially since they are in their developing stages ~~as well as affects~~ their concentration may be damaged ~~in~~ the next day. ... they are also ~~bad at~~ paving the way for a weak academic performance ...  
  
... indeed minimises students' spare...  
...for **interacting** with the society and ~~learn~~ **learning** assorted...  
...it stands students in good stead... **--> this statement is confusing as "stead" means a substitute for something or someone**  
...housework, ~~to~~ play with their friends, and get involved with things they are really passionate about...  
...daily assignment should not be ~~discouraged~~ encouraged...  
... educational quality and one of the reasons is their system ~~is~~ being completely ~~free from~~ homework free.  
In the nutshell... **--> I would suggest using a more formal linking phrase such as For these reasons, or In short,**  
  
I hope my feedback is helpful :)
Anny, your essay is not accurately representative of the required discussion. You can see that you only have 4 paragraphs in the presentation of a 5 paragraph essay. Since this is not an IELTS Task 1 essay, you will fall short in scoring considerations because you did not fully develop your discussion of the given prompt topic. I also do not believe that you accurately paraphrased the original prompt as you indicated in the opening statement. That statement is usually a 5 sentence outline of the original prompt. I feel that there is missing information in that paragraph but I cannot pinpoint the specific missing information because you did not post the original prompt along with your response. Kindly post the original prompt next time you post an essay because my review of your work, as a contributor at this forum, will always be incomplete without that reference.  
  
Your biggest mistake in this essay is that you only used a 3 sentence personal opinion presentation as the concluding presentation of the essay. This is a highly common error among the IELTS Task 2 writers. The concluding paragraph needs to be a stand alone paragraph that discusses your opinion and offers insights into the essay topic along with personal experience or examples. That is why it cannot be a concluding statement of the essay.  
  
The concluding statement is a review and summary of the previous discussion in 3-5 sentences. It restates the prompt, offers the recap of the discussion points, and then restates your personal opinion, prior to the closing sentence of the essay.  
  
Your essay also uses words such as "controversial", which I am sure, was not indicated or implied in the original prompt. If the situation implied in the original prompt does not indicate a "hot button" topic so to speak, avoid over descriptive words. These opinion essays are never "controversial or debatable", these are always "discussions or stated opinions". Exaggerated terms may sound nice to the writer but to the educated writer, the examiner, he knows that you are not accurately informing the reader of the facts so he can score you down for that. The opening statement is all about paraphrasing accuracy. Stick to the discussion, without exaggeration or you risk changing the slant of the discussion and thus, deviating to a certain extent from the original prompt, which will result in points deductions for you.
lies at the heart of controversies  
this sentence seems like a memorizing sentence. and I think rather than putting this as a controversial issue you can use debatable/arguable. What I learn from my teacher is, the word 'Controversial ' sounds too strong.  
  
starting a paragraph using '*What is more'* is not formal. you can use some other conjunction words with the same meaning.  
ex: moreover, furthermore  
  
other than that I would suggest you use more formal phases for following,  
~~In the nutshell,~~ : in conclusion, To conclude  
~~That is why~~: Therefore
Please help to review my essay. I am targeting band 8 in ILETS GT.  
  
**Some people think that the best way to solve global environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## Environmental problems and fuel price

  
  
Over the last few decades, human impact on the environment has progressively increased by reflecting the several environmental problems. Growing rate of fuel consumption has identified as one of the fundamental causes of the constant pollution; hence many people opine that hiking the fuel price would be the best solution for control the current trend. However, from my point of view, incrementing the fuel price would not be the most practical solution to control the pollution in the prevailing situation of the industrial world.  
  
It is true that the increasing industrial activities and proliferation of vehicles are daily emitting a vast amount of toxic gases to the earth atmosphere, which contributes several harmful effects to the echo system and public health. But, we cannot ignore the fact that fossil fuel is the primary energy source to the today's world, which playing a considerable role in transportation, electricity and several other major industrial sectors; therefore, fuel price increment can make a critical impact to the economy and subsequently to the social life.  
  
In order to deal with the increasing industrial demand and comprehensive development, it is essential to look for the alternative energy sources. Scientists have identified several sustainable energy sources such as solar power, hydropower, biomass and wind power, to replace the fossil fuel with minor effects and more benefits. For instance, solar energy is one of the most reliable and renewable energy sources which can be converted into the several other forms of energy such as heat and electricity.  
  
In conclusion, even though, the rising fuel consumption is making an adverse impact on the environment and public health, increasing the fuel price can result in several other economic and social problems. Therefore, I believe that the authorities should give more concentration to find and install the alternative energy sources rather than increasing the fuel prices.
thilini, your score for this essay will be a 3. That score is based on your inability to address any part of the task in a proper manner. The biggest inability on your part, was your misunderstanding of the prompt discussion instruction. Your lack of understanding of what type of discussion you were being asked to present led you to discuss a totally different topic from the one originally provided. If you look at the following, you will clearly see where your mistake lies and how you made the mistake:  
  
*Original Discussion Instruction: To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
Your Discussion Response: ... from my point of view, incrementing the fuel price would not be the most practical solution to control the pollution in the prevailing situation of the industrial world.*  
  
This is an extent of an opinion essay which requires the emotional response using the descriptive words such as "strongly, partially, and empathically" among other emotional terms that could be used to describe the extent of an agreement or disagreement. In your response, you merely stated your opinion without choosing a side to represent in a strong manner.  
  
Your full essay discussion does not display a proper discussion in reference to the prompt. That is why your TA score will be a 3 and the overall score for your essay will also fall within the same bracket. You cannot be scored higher for this essay because you did not stick to the original instructions you were given. A prompt deviation such as yours will always have dire consequences if done on the actual test day.