dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
There are two sentences that became unclear with the presence of two unnecessary word s in the prompt restatement. If you removed the phrase "for people" in reference to the role of owning a home, the sentence would have been clearer to the reader. Additionally, rather than "ownership", which was referred to in the original prompt, you should have used an alternate keyword such as "proprietorship". "Rent should have also been replaced with the word lease". It means the same thing as ownership, but was a replacement word for the original. Replacing heh keywords from the original prompt tend to increase your LR score. As for the second sentence error, it is more of a word phrase error. "feasibly prone". Feasible means "capable of being done" while "prone" indicates "a natural tendency". So the word phrase results in confusion for an ENL. Rather than trying to impress the reviewer with the use of incorrect vocabulary in reference to a positive position, you should have simply indicated that home ownership can be considered a positive outcome for people. Word usage, correct word usage, based on word meaning is very important in the overall scoring consideration. The LR score in this essay would have been greatly pulled down by the first paragraph vocabulary errors alone.  
  
There is no such thing as a "rent house". Again, this is incorrect vocabulary usage. There are rented houses, rented homes, rentals, but never rent houses. To rent a house means the act of contracting a house to live in, it does not mean that you live in it. You also cannot say "reportedly" and then claim "in fact" immediately after. Reportedly means "according to a report or rumor". While "in fact" means the information is based on data. These types of errors will result in even more C&C deductions in your work.  
  
Overall, this essay will fail based on several glaring errors, LR, GRA, and C&C problems. You are trying to gain a higher score based on word usage. Unfortunately, you do not have the proper understanding of the meaning of English words to properly use most of them in a coherent sentence. You also lack the basic understanding of how an English sentence is formed, as seen in your incorrect adverb usage at the start of a sentence.  
  
The word "Otherwise" is an adverb used to describe an opposing or alternate presentation to a previous one. As such, you cannot use the word at the start of a paragraph where a topic sentence has yet to establish the content of the paragraph. This is a serious GRA error on your part and shows a lack of English sentence structure rules.
***Convenience foods will become increasingly prevalent and eventually replace traditional foods and traditional methods of food preparation.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

  
- IELTS WRITING TASK 2  
  
334 words  
  
Some people argue that the popularity of pre-processed foods will sooner or later change the way people eat and cook completely different from our old methods. In my perspective, I highly doubt that traditional foods and traditional cooking styles will be replaced though I believe the increase in convenience foods can not be denied.  
  
The prevalence of advertisements aiming at promoting the convenience of processed foods has successfully gained people's trust. Living in a fast-paced life where most people are in a rush to workplaces and schools, the idea of a quick and delicious breakfast in a convenient store is such a savior. No wonder the number of convenient stores has skyrocketed over the places which has clearly proved that people's eating habit is significantly adapting to the new one.  
  
Secondly, with the mass production of such convenience foods, the price has splashed out substantially which encourages more consumption. The technological advances in food production have leaped off a huge step and be able to produce a large number of packed foods in which enable to serve buyers with competitive price. By contrast, traditional foods have not received much support from producers to spread their popularity.  
  
On the contrary, despite the immense prevalence of convenience foods, traditional foods, as well as traditional ways of cooking, still play a crucial role in every household. To illustrate, cooking shows that value the old methods of food preparation are still very welcomed by viewers. People also assume the taste of fresh food is way better than it is from industrial food. Therefore, the value of the old methods never seems to lose its power in front of the simultaneous invasion of new types of foods.  
  
In conclusion, the development of convenience food is obviously increasing with more convenient stores being built, more consumers for such products; nevertheless, people still aware that it is traditional foods which will give people healthier nutrients and even better taste. Thus, people are not likely to entirely cut off their traditional foods.
Avoid changing the discussion reference from the original prompt. All your restatement references should have supporting factors or a basis of its representation, within the original prompt. So when you indicate that "Some people argue...", you are changing the discussion reference point from a discussion, which is the common set up for the topic presentations in task 2, to argumentative or a debate, when there is no reference to such in the original presentation. You should strive for restatement accuracy as you are scored heavily on that in the TA section.  
  
Remember that all agree or disagree discussions are based on a single opinion presentation. It cannot be addressed in a comparative form as you did as you are clearly asked to represent a measured response to one side of the discussion ( To what extent do you agree or disagree with this? ) The change from single opinion to comparative discussion resulted in your response not being appropriate for the discussion as you changed the discussion focus from single opinion to comparative. This change in discussion slant will result in a lower than expected TA score. You already have 2 errors in the TA section as of now, meaning your essay may begin at a base failing score for its overall scoring possibility.
Ali, you are not applying for admission to a university through the visa officer. You are trying to justify the reasons why you are a suitable student visa candidate. The focus of your essay should be on the following:  
  
- Admission status to the university  
- Method of payment for studies ( scholarship, work sponsored, out of pocket, etc.)  
- Explanation of who will be financially responsible for your stay ( avoid reference to needing to work to support yourself)  
- Timetable for your studies and activities required for your thesis completion ( in reference to student movement around Germany)  
- Evidence of personal and financial ties to your home country  
- Assurance of your exit from Germany whenever required (due to Covid 19 restrictions) or, upon completion of your course  
  
Revise the content of your letter. Rather than explaining your educational expectations ( which should be summarized in the university admission discussion), focus on explaining your other qualifying considerations in terms of ties to your own country and, your ability to complete your studies without violating EU employment rules for students / professionals.
Hello everyone, may you help me fix my essay,please?  
  
## The graph shows the percentage of four different types of fuels in use between the years 1800 and 2000.

  
***Summarize the information by describing the main features of the graph and making comparisons where appropriate.***  
  
The given line graph shows the results of a survey carried out to determine the percentage fuel used of 4 different categories during the period 1800 to 2000.  
  
Overall, it can be inferred that from 1800s onward the proportion of firewood plunged dramatically while the rate of coal rose and fell erratically. In addition, oil and gas climbed over the period 1900 to 2000.  
  
The initial impression from the chart is the collapse of percentage wood used, which dominated the fuel industry totally in 1800 went down substantially to almost 0 percent by 2000. While for 2 decades from 1800, the percentage of coal was from 0 percent reached a peak of 70 percent and also declined by just over a half in 2000.  
  
Another significant feature in this graph is the appearance of oil and gas in the year 1900. Two types of fuel followed a similar pattern over the period and skyrocketed to the same figure of coal in the year 2000. Specifically, the rate of oil just increased marginally during last 5-year period.  
  
*   
*percentage fuel used*
You have a neatly presented summary, but, it is more of a run-on than a complex sentence presentation. The sentence contains 3 different pieces of information:  
  
- Type of image  
- Topic of the image  
- Measurement type  
- Years surveyed  
  
The clarity of the summary would have benefited from a single sentence presentation for each piece of information. That would have been the best way for you to meet the simple and complex sentence mix requirement per paragraph. By the way, you missed outlining the 4 types of fuel used. It should have been a part of the require summary information presented along with the reference to "different percentage fuel used" in a manner that would have properly created a complex sentence reference.  
  
You have a good trending paragraph going there. However, the presentation sounds more like an under developed paragraph instead of a fully developed trending statement. When there is only 1 image involved, it is better to create a 3 paragraph presentation for clarity sake, rather than forcing a 4 paragraph presentation that does not meet the minimum paragraph requirements.
## the parent's or teacher's role?

  
  
Attitude and profile are two things that are so important in sour life. How does a person's attitude and profile takes effect on one's personality and automatically affects one's social relations in society. And this aspect must be created and started from childhood. Therefore, it is important to educate children from childhood. However, the problem is who is responsible for the children for this? People have their own views, but what is causing controversy is whether parents are responsible for children's education? Or school? Okay, let's discuss.  
  
The family consists of a father and a mother where they are the first school for their children. Starting from the birth of the child. Even when the baby is still in its mother's womb, the obligation of parents to educate their children has begun, and that is the child's right. We are not discussing education here in general, but attitude and profile are the scope of education and include the most important elements. Back to parents. Because parents are the first school for their children, caring for their children to protect their children from childhood, children will automatically follow their parents and reflect on their parents' behavior. In this matter, I agree that parents are the first to be responsible for this aspect of the child. However, what about school?  
  
School consists of great people who have been tested and scientifically certified according to their respective fields. However, in school, what the teacher teaches to students is more formal subjects, such as mathematics, languages, science, computers, and so on. However, it is possible that the teachers also teach profiles and attitudes. Because students indirectly imitate what the teacher did. However, after all, the role of parents towards children is more than the role of teachers, in terms of specific time. And I am more convinced that parents are more responsible for the behavior of children's attitudes, which these attitudes will apply to children in social life. The teacher still has this responsibility, but the teacher's responsibility is bigger. So this is my writing about this discussion, and I hope for your correction. Thankyou.
Since the TA section profiles your English comprehension skills based upon how well you can explain the original prompt to the reader, it is important that you do not begin to discuss the essay in the first paragraph. The expectation in this paragraph is that you will be able to restate the original prompt, without adding a personal opinion or otherwise irrelevant information. Irrelevant information would be the first 4 sentences in your current paragraph. You have to stick to a simple restatement of the original discussion topic. You should not offer rhetorical questions either. The question was posed at the end of the original prompt. All you have to do is respond directly to that question in the final 2 sentences of the restatement. This will help establish how well you understood the original prompt and also, clarify your opinion, in the correct portion of the prompt, based on the discussion response requirements. Outlining your 2 supporting reasons in this section would have done more for your TA score than this creative, but irrelevant presentation.  
  
Nobody is asking you to define what a nucleus family is. There is no need to go into a detailed explanation of the family unit and its function. Simply use a topic sentence, that refers to a supporting reason for your opinion. You are not really meeting the single opinion requirement in this presentation. Your overall discussion approaches this more as an academic opinion paper based on an open topic rather than an academic opinion paper based on a focused Task 2 topic.  
  
Next time, post the prompt along with your response essay. That way I can give an even more direct and applicable review of your work.
## Who Should teach children to be good members of society?

  
  
A child has a selfish nature that has been inherent since they were born. Psychologists also advise to leaving a child with their selfish nature until a certain age. So that they become tough people when they get older.  
  
According to Santoso, the definition of socialization as a social being, individuals are required to be able to overcome all problems that arise as a result of the interaction of the social environment and be able to present themselves according to the prevailing norms. So, when the child is very young, we have to understand that his social skills are not good enough. He still doesn't appreciate the people around him and he put himself first.  
  
When he is a little older, he needs to be taught how to socialize with other people, how to respect other people and how to present themselves according to the prevailing norms. This was taught by his parents. And mother is the first school for her children. One reason is that they see their mother more often than their father  
  
And I agree that parents have an important role to educate their children to become a good members of society. The main role is the parents, then teachers and the last is his friend.  
  
For example, there is a girl who has many bad friends, but she has a mother who always strengthens her heart, gives her much of advices, accompanies her and encourages her to do good dees. With all that, she became a good girl. The girl believes that her mother really understands herself and always gives the best thing for her. She put great trust in her mother. How big is the role of parents in her life.One Ulama said that the biggest cause of damage to a child is the father.  
  
On the other hand, there is a girl who has parents who love her and teach her to be a good member in society. However, the she is affected by bad habits from her friends and she ignored the advice of her parents. Parents and school cannot be separated. They play an important role in a child's life. They teach him how to think and behave.
If I were to base the score of this essay on it restatement of the original prompt, then this essay would receive an immediate failing score. Why? Your prompt restatement does not relate, represent, nor use any of the required discussion information from the original presentation. As your task accuracy is partially based on how well you represent the original discussion in your own words, without changing the key discussion points, this essay cannot be given a passing score in that section. The score for this paragraph will be based on how you did not discuss the given topic, since your restatement is unrelated to the original presentation.  
  
Since this essay is based on relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience, quoting Santoso will not help this essay. For one thing, you may be the only person who knows Santoso, which means this information is based on specialized, rather than commonly known information. Had you stated his point of view, without referring to Santoso in the presentation, you would have met the information requirements in a more appropriate manner. Once again, there is a change of information source on your part that does not follow the original instructions for the discussion.  
  
That Santoso discussion totally changed the discussion expectations from the original, further creating a failing essay on your part because you veered away from the original discussion requirements. Even though you wrote an extremely long presentation, because you failed to understand the discussion instructions for this essay, you cannot expect to receive a passing score for this type of non discussion compliant presentation.
## Mountain or Beach, which one is more preferable for vacation?

  
  
Going to the mountain is the best choice activity that can people to do enjoying holiday. They believe that climb the mountaj a good effect to their mental anda body health. The best destination enjoying with firenda is going to beach. They, sure that can be increased good mood and the sense of community is tighter. Generally, I agree that going to mountain can be help human for increase the health. However, go to beach with friends bring a good effect to the rise charming good mood.  
  
It is important that going to mountain is considered to the best time for hliday. Because can be a person feel better relaxing and additional mental and body health. For example somepeople going to mountain Bromo or Rinjani with the on foot, that trip can be enjoying the natural scenery and phisic health exercise. It has resulted that people avoid stress and make the mind becomes fresher. It is clear going to mountain give a good effect when do at holiday.  
  
It is important that going to beach can be better time with friends. Because, go to beach with friends will be make so many activities can be do it. For example played game volleyball and make a sand castle in the Siangau or Matras Beach. It has resulted that increased rise charming and good mood. It is clear going to beach can have better time with friends.  
  
In conclusion, although going to mountain the best time for holiday can be increased mental and body health. Going to beach with Friends make a person additional mood and sense community is tighter. It is a suggested that a person can do both activities with friends and don't do the activities just when feel stress or just holiday, but activities like that can be do it everytime, if fell tired with activities in the workdays.
Do not form the opening paragraph in a manner that represents a personal opinion instead of a public sentiment as promoted in the original presentation. Your personal opinion, or response to the given question regarding the discussion, should not come until the last 2 or final sentence at the end of the restated paragraph. When asked for a personal choice or opinion, it is best to clearly set out an opinion in support of one of the two discussion topics. This will help settle the clarity of your opinion as you will be within range of the personal opinion question pertaining to which one YOU prefer for your vacation.  
  
You have to complete this discussion within a 5 paragraph response. The first 2, should represent the reasons why people prefer the beach (one paragraph) or, the mountains (another paragraph), the last paragraph , should be representative of where you prefer to spend your vacation. Hence creating a comparative essay with a personal opinion.  
  
Avoid using the same phrase to start your paragraph twice in a row. This shows a clear limitation of your English sentence formation abilities, since you prefer to use cut and paste or memorized phrases for that portion ( It is important...) It appears that you copied the writing method of the other person who posted a similar topic at this forum because you have the same discussion pattern, and the same writing problems. Please do not merely plagiarize the writing of others. Copying the way other people write means you also copy their mistakes and, in the process, results in you failing to write a proper essay based on your own writing skills and talents. You will fail because you did not even try to write something original. You chose to copy someone else instead.
I've checked for your grammar errors. Here are some:  
First paragraph:  
....**that people can do to enjoy**...  
**Climbing** the **mountains** **has** ... **effects****for** mental and physical health  
The best ... **to enjoy** ...  
My advice is that you should be more careful with your vocabulary since you made an abundance of errors that you could have avoided with caution.  
  
Second, you should write words that you understand well instead of trying to use high-level words without knowing how. For example, the verb "result" you used in your second and third paragraph are not appropriate. You should use "it resulted in + noun"  
  
Third, you should practice more with your verb tense as you made quite a lot of mistakes. For example, in last paragraph, you should write "going with ... **makes** ..."