dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***The charts below show what the UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.***  
  
## unemployed graduates and postgraduates in britain

  
  
The bar chart illustrates the destinations of British graduate and postgraduate students who did not proceed with a full-time job after leaving college in 2008. They are categorized as part-time work, voluntary work, further study and unemployment. In this essay, I will summarize the features of each category and make comparisons wherever relevant.  
  
Overall, further study came out on top in popularity, followed by part-time work and unemployment, with voluntary work ranking the bottom in the list. Almost the same percentage of graduate and postgraduate students went into unemployment or voluntary work. As to further study, it led part-time work by a considerable margin among graduate students. Yet the difference was slender in the other population group.  
  
Voluntary work was an absolutely unattractive option. Only 3500 graduates and 345 postgraduates proceeded with voluntary work. Part-time work was much more desirable, as it gained favor from 17,735 graduates and 2,535 postgraduates.  
  
All the more so was further study, given the fact that 29,665 postgraduates and 2,725 graduates opted to continue their education. Unemployment was also a common scene in 2008 when 16,235 postgraduates and 1,625 graduates became jobless. With all the information, it is quite evident that the majority of these graduates and postgraduates did not enter labor market.  
  
**I would more appreciate it if you score my essay. Now I challenge myself to pursue an 8.**  
  
*
Gang, this is probably going to score within the 7 to 7.5 bracket for a number of reasons. The first is that you forgot to place a comma between the phrase "... further study and unemployment." Since unemployment is an unrelated description, it still needs to be separated from the previous description. There were points deducted from the GRA score because of it. The main reason that your score would have been lowered would be because of an inaccurate assumption on your part. You claimed that majority of the graduates did not enter the labor market. There was no concrete statement indicating that in the graph that was provided. Therefore, you may have created an inaccurate assumption, which would have led to misinformation of the reader.  
  
Your job in this essay was not to make assumptions. Rather, you were to only report on the provided information. By creating an opinion of the present information, when it was not required nor indicated in the graph analysis instructions, you created a questionable and inaccurate report. It is not your job to create a conclusion regarding the information. It is only your job to report on it based on comparisons and main features. So unless you are asked to make an assumption in the report, avoid doing that as it will have a direct effect on your TA score.
**Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?**  
  
## both railways and roads are significant

  
  
Some people believe that governments should plan more budget for railways development rather than roads. In my opinion, I agree that railways are significant to countries. While the other people consider that road system is important.  
  
There are some reasons why I think governments should improve railways. First, the quantity of private car increase rapidly in recent years. If most of people take the public transportation, vehicle emission will be cut down because driving amounts reduces. Secondly, taking a train can avoid the traffic jam. People may get a bad feeling owing to block in a long line of traffic in rush hours. The railways can transform huge amounts of people during rush hours, therefore people can save the waiting time in traffic jam. In addition, many serious traffic accidents occurred because of careless driving. Taking a train can avoid those events happen. Thirdly, the cost by taking a train is cheaper than driving a car. People can use the saved money to do other things.  
  
However, road system also plays an essential role to a country's progress. On the one hand, unlike railways, roads can be built on a grate scale, creating a flexible traffic network. People can go more places by the road system. On the other hand, we have to plan our itinerary by the railway timetable if we take a train. By driving, we can easy to go anywhere whenever we want. The road system provides a more convenience traffic option to people.  
  
In conclusion, governments should construct both railways and roads, those are significant advances to countries.
Lin, this is one of those "emotional" essays where you are asked to offer a degree of agreement or disagreement with the given statement. The "extent" part of the instruction means that you have to create a degree of either agreement or disagreement with the statement. So you can't just say you "agree". You need to use any of the following terms to indicate the strength of your agreement / disagreement:  
  
I strongly agree/disagree  
I totally agree / disagree  
I tentatively agree / disagree  
I agree / disagree to a certain extent  
  
Along with a host of other variations. When you use the emotional descriptions, you need to discuss only one side of the issue. However, if you say "tentatively" or "to a certain extent", you have some leeway to discuss both sides of the argument in your essay. It would be best if you opt to discuss using only one emotion though (totally, strongly) so that you can focus more on developing your individual reasons that will increase your overall score, rather than dividing your discussion in a manner that could adversely affect the scoring consideration as you will end up trying to discuss too much information per paragraph. Remember, you need to make yourself understood within only 5 sentences. So trying to cover too much in a paragraph would be detrimental to your scoring considerations.  
  
In this essay, you should have used the "tentatively" or "certain extent" representation in order to make the rest of your discussion acceptable to the examiner. Without that representation in your paraphrasing, you should have only discussed and offered evidence for one side of the discussion. In fact, the discussion that you provided is weak because you try to discuss at least 2 reasons per paragraph, which never works because of the lack of discussion development space. Also, writing only 2 complete paragraphs instead of the minimum 3 paragraph essay will seriously lower your C&C score. If you have completely developed at least 4 paragraphs, you would have gotten a better score and possible passed the test. In this current version of the essay though, that will be hard to achieve.
**Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?  
Teachers were more appreciated and valued by society in the past than they are nowadays.  
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.**  
  
## teachers are vital for our society

  
  
Teachers are very crucial for students. However, in my view, I agree with the statement that teachers were more appreciated and valued by society in the past than they are nowadays. There are several reasons including different historical background, different parents' views and different relationship between students and teachers.  
  
First of all, from the perspective of the history, I consider teachers were more respected and valued in the past. For example, around 70 years before, my country was ruled by an authoritarian party, so the teacher symbolized the knowledge and the right. Therefore, students could not say anything wrong about teachers, and parents did not doubt the teachers' decision. They were appreciated by parents and students. However, in modern time, in the democratic country, students will doubt teachers when they teach something wrong. The society does not think that teachers are always right, so they are less valued now.  
  
Additionally, as time goes on, parents' views change. For instance, in the past, they always thought that teachers were right and could help them to teach the children. They also gave teachers right to hit children when they did not listen to teachers or they got the bad score on exams because they considered that teachers had the higher level education than the general public, so teachers could always do the right decision Nevertheless, more and more people get the post-secondary education so parents do not think that teachers can make definite decisions, and they also will not let their children hit by teachers. Therefore, I consider that the status of parents and teachers are equal now, so they do not think that teachers are highly valued.  
  
Lastly, the relationship between teachers and children changes, too. For example, in the past, students always needed to follow what teachers said. If the student did not follow teachers, the student would be punished seriously. By contrast, students nowadays can discuss with teachers when they consider that teachers' points are wrong. As a result, the connection between students and teachers is more flexible than before, so teachers may not be appreciated and valued by society now.  
  
In conclusion, I think teachers are still vital for our society, but the time changes, so teachers were highly appreciated and valued by society in the past than in the modern society. I consider the reasons may be the different background, changing views of parents, and different relationship between students and teachers.  
  
P.S I'd appreciate if you could help me revise my toefl essay. Thanks!
Lee, your topic line is not in accordance with the prompt. You jumped the gun and actually misfired in the way that you presented your opening statement. The topic line should be representative of the original discussion provided. You accidentally changed it in the presentation that you made. Always remember that the accurate paraphrasing of the topic should come at the very start of the opening statement. You could have made your presentation stronger by saying something similar to this:  
  
*In the past century, teachers were given more appreciation and value for the work that they do. However, at the start of this new century, it seems that the considerations for teachers, as previously mentioned, have dwindled. That is why I agree with the statement that level of appreciation and value given to teachers in general has decreased. I believe that there are several reasons related to history, differing parental point's of view, and an evolving relationship between students and teachers that caused the change in perspective about teachers to happen. In this essay, I will offer supporting explanations and points of view to prove my discussion points.*  
  
I see that you based you evidence and supporting statements on the historical context of the discussion. Since the examiner will be some random person who does not know who you are and where you came from, you need to be more specific in your presentation. Give the name of your country since you are referring to a point in its history. This will help the examiner better understand the reasoning behind your discussion. Without the name of your country, he will be hard to convince that your example and reasoning is accurate or believable.  
  
Try to use consistent examples as examples in your essay. So if you discuss that corporal punishment was previously used, then follow that up with the fact that parents no longer believe in corporal punishment in your country and frown upon teachers who practice it as one of the reasons why the respect for teachers has dwindled over time. In any English test, the fluidity of your discussion is being considered so your examples and reasons need to connect to one another in a convincing manner. Focus on only one example and reason per paragraph as that will make it easier for you to write a stronger essay.  
  
Please be careful with your punctuation marks. In the the 4th paragraph, you have a comma after saying that the relationship between teachers and students change. There was no need for a comma or the word "too". You need to make a strong statement in your declarations. The certainty in your writing will help portray you as truly knowledgeable regarding the matter. Adding words like "too" when it is not necessary makes your statement sound weak.  
  
Your essay is based on good reasons and has potential. The problems you have in writing are minor when compared to others. I know that you will be able to improve over time. Just keep writing and I'll guide you towards a passing score (at the very least) in your TOEFL test. That is guaranteed.
*A person's worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?*  
  
## features of a perfect society

  
  
In recent years, the societies have changed in many cultural and economical aspects. Some people grab the idea that individuals should be categorised and valued by their social status, their jobs and their wealth. They say that the materialistic view could be a good way to identifying people's level and honour, kindness and other ethical characters are out of date. I am totally against this idea and view and in this essay I will explain my reasons.  
  
First, I believe the characters such and being gentle, honesty, living by honour and following the conscience exist from the begging the life on the earth and never lost their value. Good manners and kindness were the basic requirements for any leaders and communities where followed ethical codes remained in the history. Even in the all holy books, there are stories of those who followed the humanity and their good name remained even after they vanished from the earth.  
  
Secondly, in our current society, everything changes rapidly and those things which were worthy and loved by many, have been forgotten. I think first character of a good measurement should be its lasting and if something yesterday existed and today has gone, could not be considered as a good index. Wealth, social status and other material possessions could be lost as time goes on. A rich person might lose the job or went bankrupt and become no one in the society with materialistic measures. And in contrary, A thief or a liar could change to be a very well-known person because of his of her material-possessions and this could change all the basics of the ethics in the community. Of course I do not say that all rich or famous people are inhuman or unkind, just making a short discussion about the value of humanity.  
  
In the other side, there are who see the high positions and expensive cars or houses as an index to judge about people. They say money would bring power and change many things. With money and power, one can run the country and lead it to the better way.  
  
In sum, I believe, honour, knowledge, honesty and living by humanity would save our society and last forever.
Maryam, the essay is asking if you agree or disagree with the statement. To say that you are totally against the idea and view does not make sense. It is a prompt deviation that will automatically give this essay a failing score. You did not implement the correct discussion, which should have indicated that you disagree with the statement, not that you are against the idea. You need to follow the prompt requirements for discussion in the opening paraphrase or, as in the case of this essay, you will get a failing score in the Task Accuracy section. Once you get a failing score there, it will be difficult to bring your essay up to a passing score.  
  
Your essay will also suffer failing scores in the remaining sections for scoring. Your grammar is atrocious. Most of the sentences that you wrote do not make any sense to the reader so you will get the lowest possible score in the C&C section as well. Your discussion totally does not represent any of the provided prompt guidelines. Your lexical resources, as evidenced by the incomprehensible paragraphs, proves that you do not understand word / vocabulary meaning either. The GRA will fail due to the very poor sentence structures and tremendously inaccurate grammar. I am sorry to say this but with all the problems the essay has, you will not pass the test at this point.  
  
Don't just write the essays blindly. Make sure you understand the requirements before you even begin to draft the essay. Before you write your next practice test, I want you to look for similar discussions at this forum. Study how the essays were structured, what the problems were with it, and the solutions that were advised to help the writer improve. Note the advice given and then try to apply it to your own essay writing. I assure you that you will see an improvement in your work if you do as I advise.
1) Expressing errors here: many cultural and economical aspects => if you list the aspects, do not use 'many'.  
2) Check your usage of collocations, prepositions, phrase and punctuation.  
3) In the original topic, category and job are not mentioned, so do not put them in your topic sentence. You can write additional details in background sentence, but not in the topic paraphrasing one.  
  
4) Expressing way is cumbersome. People will definitely find it difficult to follow your words and ideas.  
5) Your style is not natural enough for ielts. You may want to consult some sample essays of professionals. I recommend you Mr. Simon, he is a really famous ielts teacher, he also has his own website containing various advice for ielts learners.  
  
6) The structure is not parallel, for example, you use 'first' in the second paragraph but put 'secondly' in the next one.  
7) Remember to check spelling afterwards.  
8) Try to lessen the times you use 'I'. Be more objective.  
9) Grammatical errors.  
10) Task response is nor fulfilled since you do not answer whether you are agree with the view or not.  
11) The conclusion is not appropriate at all. It just contains 1 sentence only, not to mention that the sentence is just a copy of the topic. A good conclusion must have a paraphrasing sentence introducing the topic again and 1 more sentence to summarize what you mentioned in the essay.
**Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.**  
  
## country development and economic progress

  
  
There are many kinds of the politics that government has to progress. Some of the people claim that the most important politic is economic progress. However, others think that other types of progress are also significant, therefore, it has to develop equally. Even though I believe that the economic development is the most important, arguments on both sides are worth exploring.  
  
It is undeniable that the economic progress is extremely important to the government. We cannot maintain our life without the money. The money enables to keep the most basic substance of the life. Such as the house, meals, clothes. Moreover, we can have leisure time that we have the enough finance to keep the minimum vitality.  
  
In addition, the economic development is the power of the country. There is the representative indicator that shows the level of the economy, it is called by GDP which is the feature about the average of the peoples' income in each country. This is the first feature to recognize the power of countries, these days.  
  
On the other hand, the economic progress is not the solely part that government have to develop the most. The purpose of developing economy is that helps people can have a better circumstance. To achieve that purpose, it ensures to develop the economic progress as well as other parts of progress equally. For instance, protecting the environment, inventing new technologies, extending the public welfare. However, if the government makes its project possible, it needs an appropriate budget.  
  
To conclude, I believe that economic progress is the most significant purpose that government has to achieve. Other types of progress are also important, However, it needs the decent budget to develop.  
  
Thank you for reading my essay. It will be great that you leave the comment about my essay.  
Also, I wonder how much score that I can get from this essay.  
  
Thanks.
The overall score for your essay will be within the range of 5. The reason that I scored your essay this way is simple. You were asked to discuss both sides of the issue and then present your own opinion. While you declared in your opening statement that both sides of the issue will be discussed before you delivered a discussion of your personal opinion, that is not the way the essay was presented. I read the essay a few times in order to confirm my suspicion that the essay was more of a totally personal opinion of both sides of the issue instead of a discussion of both sides and then a presentation of your personal opinion in an expanded paragraph. That is why I scored the essay on the lower score range. You need to also make sure that when you are asked for an opinion, you present an opinion and not a belief. There is a difference between the two. A belief is "trust, faith, or confidence in someone or something." or "an acceptance that a statement is true or that something exists.". An opinion, on the other hand, is "a view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge." Based on the two definitions, you can see how your discussion is not aligned with the prompt requirements and had to be scored accordingly.
## Post - school qualifications

  
  
b]The chart below shows the different levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999.[/b]  
  
The bar chart gives information about the variety of degree and diploma's types which Australian post - school students of both genders received in 1999. As can be seen from the illustration, the overall percentage of men overcame that of women's.  
  
In the skilled vocational diploma section, the portion of males bore the most striking characteristic when accounting for approximately 90% of all. On the other hand, female learners just occupied a humble proportion of about a hundredths in the same area. Follwing the same pattern, exactly 70% of postgraduate diploma receivers were men, being twice as high as the figure for woman.  
  
In contrast, females had a tendency to outweigh the other sex in undergraduate sector, since male students made up the percentage that was only half of females' figure. Such trend also occurred for bachelor's degree as females occupied a larger portion that the others, though with a much closer gap.  
  
*