dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hi, i would like to give you some suggestions about your writing.  
  
\*packaging, boxes, toys "and so on".----- use "...."in writing is not formal.  
  
\*~~very~~ necessary  
  
\*Packaging in particular "is" a main factor.  
  
\*Use more synonyms. For example: responsibility =obligation, more and more= plethora  
  
\*For the last paragraph, it is better to put "in conclusion " at the beginning of paragraph to conclude your writing.  
  
Hope it would help ! 😁😁
***## PEOPLE NOWADAYS TEND TO TAKE THEIR FAMILY TO ANOTHER COUNTRY WHEN THEY WORK ABROAD.

  
DO THE ADVANTAGES OF THIS OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES?***  
  
These days, people working abroad often have a tendency to take their family to foreign countries with them. Although the trend may have a few drawbacks, I firmly believe that its benefit will overshadow the disadvantages.  
  
On the one hand, these emphasizing the downsides of the trend can premise their standpoint on several aspects. First, living in a new country can be challenging to all members in a family since there are linguistic barriers and cultural differences. To illustrate, a number of Vietnamese women, after moving to Canada with their husbands, have had difficulty speaking English, confiding them to the kitchen as they cannot go out to socialize with local people. This, in the long run, can adversely affect their mental health as well as subject them to mental disorder or autism. Moreover, settling down in other country means the family may have to live far away from their friends and relatives. In this scenario, if there is an undesirable accident, they cannot immediately receive financial and emotional support from their relatives and friends. Hence, this trend may have several disadvantages.  
  
On the other hand, an array of merits can be identified if people take their family to other country with them. First, family members can live under the same roof, which can strengthen family relationship. As a matter of fact, both husbands and wives will obtain more happiness when they join hands to bring up their offspring. Furthermore, children may have a golden opportunity to get access to better educational systems. For instance, since the educational systems in Vietnam could not satisfy local residents, many people working abroad decided to take their family to other countries, in which their children can stand a better chance of entering top-tier institutions. Obviously, the trend can bring about remarkable benefits.  
  
To conclude, although there are several drawbacks, I would argue that bringing the family along when going to work in other countries is far more advantageous than leaving a wife and children behind.
@minhnguyento  
Hi, welcome to the forum. Hopefully, my feedback will give you an idea on how to better improve your essay.  
  
First and foremost, that first paragraph is quite put-together because of how concise it is. You were able to give a summation of the essay, and an overall outlook of your take on it. This is a great way to start the writing.  
  
Generally, the issues that I find are mostly located in your usage of examples. When you're trying to expound an example, always make sure that these details are specifically in line with the intention of the text itself. In this part of the essay, it is noticeable how the thought started with the mention of linguistic and cultural differences. However, the "barrier" that Vietnamese women faced seemingly was not necessarily correlated with the cultural difference, rather with a generalized issue when it comes to adapting.  
  
When you're trying to negate a particular thought into your writing (ie. when writing advantages and disadvantages, you usually have one to respond to the other to create a balanced argumentation), try to focus more on meeting everything heads-on. In your writing, the arguments on the third paragraph do not necessarily align with the second because it focused too much on the familial aspect. What you could have written about, for example, would be how the diversification because of multiculturalism has positively affected the general outlook of people. Giving out these sorts of details can be more integral for your writing approach.
1. I really appreciate your first paragraph, because your statement of the backgroung,*These days, people working abroad often ...*. And you give your standpoint in the next sentence, it's good.  
  
2. I do not think writing On the one hand, on the other hand is a good habit, because it is too much modulization, and it will affect your score.  
  
3. BE CAREFUL, you'd better not **use your own country's example**, because this kind of examples does not have universality. You can write: **a number of ASIAN women, after moving toTHE WEST**. It can be more better.
## changes in modes of travel in England between 1985 and 2000

  
  
The table depicts the average distance in miles traveled by mode of travel per person per year.  
Overall, it can be seen that cars traveled the most miles in both 1985 and 2000, while the least miles traveled by people are taxis and bicycles in 1985 and 2000 respectively. It should also be noted that the biggest increase in travel distance is the car and the biggest decrease is the local bus.  
  
With regards to the highest and lowest number of miles traveled, cars are driven about 3,200 miles and 4,800 miles per person between 1985 and 2000, whereas in 1985 taxi are traveled by each person for about 13 miles and in 2000 bicycles are traveled by each people for only 41 miles. Besides, per person took trains for travel about 300 miles in 1985 and trains traveled about 360 miles by each person in 2000.  
  
When considering the changes of miles that each mode was used to travel, each person drove cars 1,200 more miles in one year, while local buses experienced a 160 miles decrease from 1985 to 2000.  
  
*
1. mode->modes  
2. I think you shuold use the past tense, like the "while the least ... people were taxis and ...".  
3. You have written about the **taxi and bicycle** in the second paragraph, but you **repeat** it in the third paragraph. I do not think it is correct.  
  
4. You'd better not write the **data**, like *160 miles* in the last paragraph, because the last paragraph is often used to write about the **trends**.  
  
5. Your conjunctions are adequate, and it is a good thing.
**TOPIC**:*Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles.  
  
Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time.  
  
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.*  
  
## THE IMPORTANT RELAX TIME

  
  
**ESSAY**:  
Leisure time is important to our personal lives because it takes our mind off as work or the news. However there has been a discussion on how to spend our leisure time wisely. Some argue that we should make use of that time to improve our minds rather than to rest the mind. I believe that we should interchange both training our brains and letting them relax from time to time.  
  
On one hand, training our minds with intellectual activities such as crossword games or reading books, when we have free time can be beneficial to our personal life as well as our work life. For example, sudoku is a crossword game that helps build our logical thinking. This means if we spend 40 minutes a day playing sudoku, we will day by day improve on our logical processing, and improve on how fast we can connect given information which can be very handy when we are asked to solve a problem in a workplace.  
  
Nevertheless, relaxing our minds is as important as enhancing our minds. When we get off from work, some days may seem more tiring and stressful than the usual which takes away our energy to do anything else. At those times, what we do not need is to overwork our brains trying to finish a book or a puzzle. In return, we should do activities that do not require much thinking such as watching a movie or listening to music. As a result, we become less stressful and more relaxed.  
  
In conclusion, both ways of spending our leisure time have their own benefits, but switching between both methods can be even more beneficial.
Hi,  
In my opinion, your content is great and well-structured. However, I notice that there are two grammatical mistakes that would make the meaning of whole sentence inappropriate.  
  
- **The important relax time:** I guess you meant that "The importance of relaxing time". I suggest you changing the words to "*spare time*" or "*leisure time*" with the same meanings.  
  
- **Some days may seem more tiring ... else:** You may be right, but I consider this sentence was not clear enough because I can't get what you meant exactly. I think that "*some days*" cannot be tiring and stressful, this should be replaced by subjects indicating humans (namely we, they), changed the adjective "tiring" to "tired" and added adverb "sometimes" .
Hi everyone, this is the first time I have ever written my answer for IELTS Writing Task 1. I hope everyone would comment and give feedbacks for me! Please tell me what I need to improve! Many thanks!!  
  
## the proportion of vehicle registration

  
  
The graph below shows changes in the share of vehicle registrations of the three most common types of commercial vehicles in the US between 1970 and 2010.  
  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.  
  
The graph is here: drive.google.com/file/d/11BG\_FD37OOwXuzN0vOpMpOAJF9\_2DFU1/view?usp=drivesdk  
  
And this is my answer:  
  
The graph shows the proportion of vehicle registration of the three most common types of commercial vehicles in the US in the period of 1970 to 2010.  
  
It is clear that the graph shows significant changes of the proportion during each stage.  
In the first stage, from 1970 to 1980, the growth of taxi had increasing rapidly from about 22% to 36%, while the growth of bus also increased significantly by 9%. However, the registration of truck had a big degradation from 49% down to 30%.  
  
Unlike in the first stage, the proportion of truck in the second stage (between 1980 and 2000)rose to 45%, while the proportion of bus fell by 12%. After a big degradation between 1980 and 2000, the proportion of taxi rose rapidly to 45%.
Hi @uyen1092,  
  
It might be helpful to outline the vehicle types in the first sentence (namely taxi, bus & truck) - it lends additional information in the same sentence as to what the three most common commercial vehicle types are, and prepares the reader for the comparisons that will follow.  
  
One useful comparison you could have made was the similarity in proportion changes for bus and taxi - they follow a similar curve from 1970 to 2000, beyond which the proportion for bus declines and that of taxi increases sharply.  
  
Hope this was useful!
## "Com tam"

  
  
Broken rice is the one of the best loved dishes in Viet Nam. It is a traditional dish in the south of Viet Nam. It is made by simple ingredients. It includes broken rice, pork chop, pork skin, stuffing pickle, fried egg... Broken rice is usually served with pork chop plus pork skin over broken rice and added cucumber, tomato, stuffing pickle with fish sauce. Its flavor is salty, sweet, sour, spicy... Many people tried and loved it too much. Broken rice is also called "Com tam". It is opened early morning and lately evening. In my opinion, it costs thirty-five thousands dong that is not expensive. It is so simple and delicious. That dish made me proud of Vietnamese food and I wish Vietnamese dishes can go around the world
@Linyu12  
Hi there! Welcome to the forum. Hopefully, you appreciate what the forum entails, and that this feedback will somewhat be of help to your writing endeavors.  
  
First and foremost, I appreciate the straightforward approach of your writing. I find that this manner of writing is strikingly effective when it comes to thesis statements.  
  
To improve your writing, I think that you should focus more on crafting your essay with more details. For example, in that third sentence, try giving a briefing on what *simple ingredients* mean. You may say something along the lines of: "It is made by simple ingredients straight out of the fridge." Notice how this has more aesthetic appeal because you're introducing a more creative flair to the writing. Furthermore, try to omit repetitive lines that do not contribute anything new to the writing. For example, you've mentioned how tasteful and simple the dish is early on in the essay, therefore you could have omitted those lines from the second to the last sentence of the paragraph. Learn to prioritize when you can.
Hi, I am going to take the IELTS exam test in the next 2 months, but I'm still stuck with writing skills.  
Please help me to correct this essay, and how many score do you think I will get with this essay?  
Thank you,  
  
## widespread data-sharing

  
  
*Some people believe that it is a good idea to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.*  
  
It is true that the sharing of information is very important in the technology-based world nowadays. Although some fields in life, such as academic, research and business require shared information as much as possible, it is better not to share every type of information due to its functions.  
  
On the one hand, there are plenty of reasons why sharing information is superior. First, sharing information helps to narrow down the difficulty in research and academic fields. For example, with the public knowledge being shared, scientists can take that information as the foundation to develop their own research in a quicker way, thus saving a lot of time and effort. Second, the accessible information plays an important role in global economics nowadays. For instance, some international corporations need a huge amount of information, such as customer data, so that organizations can understand customers better, thus both the products and sales of the company can be improved.  
  
On the other hand, it is true that some information is not meant to be share. First, private information of individuals must be protected for their own safety. To be clear, private information such as personal bank account and social network account should be kept secret to avoid criminals using it as a tool of defraud. Second, some information relating to national security must be protected at all costs. For example, if some confidential information of one country such as the nuclear launch code or the top-secret facilities addresses being leak, it can put one country into war, thus can create chaos to the world as well.  
  
In conclusion, although some information is preferable to be shared as much as possible so that it can contribute to the development of the world, it seems true that some information is better not public due to its importance.
@satan123  
Welcome to the forum. Hopefully, this essay will help you in your IELTS exam!  
  
Generally, I think that your writing is put-together and excellent. The composition appears to be truly easy to comprehend. What I do recommend, though, is being more specific with your content, especially if you're working with the thesis statement. For instance, I noticed that you lacked this portion on the first paragraph. You should have at least given an indicator here to clarify what the outline of your writing will be.  
  
Furthermore, omit the usage of unnecessary words that just add bulk without substance.Your second paragraph is a good indicator of what this means.  
  
The conclusion also lacks a bit more push. I would rather that you talk more in-depth about the details rather than having everything out in the open.
## numbers of canadian graduate students

  
  
The line graph demonstrates the changes in the figure of graduate students of two genders, namely females and males, in Canadian universities over a course of 15 years started in 1992.  
  
Generally, it is clearly evident that the pattern of the quantity of graduates from both groups differed sharply over the time frame. The numbers of students graduating from university in both genders witnessed an upward trend, especially females. By the end of the period, that of females had registered the highest figure out of all groups studied.  
  
In 1992, the quantity of girls completing the university study programs was the highest of all two, standing around 100000 students. The year 1995 saw a slight rose in this figure to about 105000 students, before decreasing to 100000 graduates in 1998. During the period between 1998 and 2006, there was a sharp increase to approximately 150000 girls.  
  
A similar trend could be seen in the numbers of graduate students who is boys, which was reported to be just over 70000 graduates in 1992, before  
  
rising significantly to over 95000 students at the end of the period shown.  
  
*
@janenat  
Hello there! Welcome to the site. Hopefully, this feedback will grant you with new knowledge on how to improve your writing.  
  
Firstly, that first paragraph is excellent. You gave a briefing of the summation of the text without putting things out of proportion.  
  
The issue that I primarily have with the writing is mostly around the third paragraph onward. The manner in which you write the numbers can still be improved if you used, for instance, more punctuation marks to separate the zeroes. This will certainly make the writing appear to be a lot more put-together and professional.  
  
Furthermore, it is not necessary for you to continuously detail out the information in that regard as the third paragraph. What I would recommend is trying to create a structural analysis rather than merely mentioning all of the numbers as they fall and rise. If you can turn everything into a verbalized understanding of the graph, it will improve how readable the essay is.
## IELTS Writing Task 1 - charts analysis

  
  
The two pie charts show the domestic energy use in six different activities and the greenhouse gas emitted from those in an average Australian household.  
  
It is noticeable that water heating is both the major energy-consumed and greenhouse-gas-emitted activity. By contrast, cooling uses the least energy and also makes the least greenhouse gas emissions.  
  
Looking in more details, water heating consumes 30% of total energy, only second to heating, which accounts for 42%. Also, it emits much greenhouse gas, at 42%, being the main source of emissions. However, even if heating uses the most energy, it doesn't emit the most greenhouse gas, only at 15%. Cooling is the steadies one, having the least figure in both charts, at 2% and 3%, respectively.  
  
In other activities, the proportions of the total greenhouse gas they release are twice as much as those of the total energy they use. Refrigeration uses 7% of energy and gives out 14%. Lighting shows the same character, at 4% and 8%. Other appliances accounts for 15% of total energy use, and results in 28% of total greenhouse gas emissions, also twice its consumption.  
  
*
**Some people think that it is the responsibility of governments to take care of the environment, while others believe that it is the responsibility of the citizens. Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
## the responsibility of Earth protection

  
  
The environment is being damaged rapidly due to human activity. Discussions have been made to determine whether it is the responsibility of governments or the citizens to the protection of Earth. In my opinion, I strongly advocate the joint effort of both men of law and citizens in response to the destruction of our environment.  
  
Those who are in favor of the responsibility of governments might be reasonable to some extent as governments can use their highest powers to impose strict laws in order to prevent harmful activities to the environment such as deforestation, logging, and burning toxic substances. They can also apply heavy fines to the opposers, and only governments can financially be able to build public transportation systems, natural gas power plants which can substantially lower carbon emissions.  
  
On the other hand, citizens are the fundamental units of society. They account for major humans in every country, so their actions altogether can create huge effects. If all citizens in the world were awared of the danger situation our environment is in, and protected it with small but practical actions like using environmentally friendly products, disposing of garbage properly, using alternative energy instead of fossil fuel one, our environment would be in much better status.  
  
To conclude, whether you are governments or citizens, protecting the Earth is our duty since it is our only home in this universe so far. It is a collective responsibility of humanity. Therefore, actions should be taken immediately instead of thinking about whose responsibility.
Hi Krystal, great essay overall.  
I just want to comment on some grammar mistakes, that could reduce your IELTS Writing score if not taken care of.  
  
- On the third paragraph, you wrote "If all citizens in the world were awared of..." it should have been "If all citizens in the world were **made aware** of..."  
  
- On the last paragraph, you wrote "...instead of thinking about whose responsibility.", it is not a complete sub-sentence. In my opinion, it should have been "...intead of thinking of whose responsibility it is to protect the Earth"  
  
Hope it helps and good luck
*TOEFL independent essay Please give me advice :) I will really appreciate it.*  
  
## transportation vehicles that changed people's lives

  
  
Transportation is always an essential part of human life. if I really had to choose from these options, I would definitely prefer the airplanes. I feel this way for the main two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.  
  
First and foremost, the advent of airplane enables us to travel much distant with ease. In the past, our ancestors had not clear imaginations of other countries' appearances, while today we can travel around the world as much as we want even if it is Antarctica. According to our national history, the Chinggis Khan could not solve the problem of how across the seas, so he was not able to conquer countries which surround by oceans. Even if he defeated half of the world, the sea was the main reason he could not be the king of the whole world. Nonetheless, our modern world, we travel freely around all countries even if it is located in the seas such as Japan and Korea.  
  
On top this, invention of plane improve our diplomatic communication which allows us to develop our countries in some many ways such as economy and reputation. Drawing from my own country's example, every year thousands of tourists visit in Mongolia and contribute a great number of dollars into our economy. It helps us to improve our infrastructure and buildings in particular residents' lives. it goes without saying that it is also a great opportunity to show our country's beautiful heritage and share our exceptional histories with them.  
  
Thirdly, this great discovery provides thousands of students to study abroad and without any difficulties to arrive in their home country to meet their beloved ones. I admit that my opinion on this matter has been profoundly influenced by my own experience. While I was studying in Russia, I had no obstacles to arrive at my home and go back to my university during school vacations. Studying alone in another country is a great challenge for everyone because they feel homesick a lot. However, thanks to the airplane, they do not need to suffer from this for a long time.  
  
In conclusion, I am of the opinion that airplane is the transportation that has greatly altered people's life. This is because it gives people the chances to discover other countries and improve their host's living conditions and study abroad with more ease.  
  
Guys help me :) Is there anyone how can evaluate my essay? Thank you so much.