dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
IELTS WRITING TASK 2:  
*Some people think that it is so difficult for poor people or people from rural areas to go to university so that the university should make it espescially easy to them. Do you agree or disagree ?*  
  
## attend university by less privileged people

  
  
Many people believe that it is too challenging for underprivileged people or people from rural regions to attend university, and therefore university ought to provide favourable condition to study for them. To a certain extent, I agree with this view, while I also believe that there is an argument to disagree with it.  
  
On the one hand, this opinion seems to be unreasonable simply because this situation could make the admission of unfair for students. In general, poor students or students from rural areas would have lower performance than those who have a wealthy background or live in cities. Thus, good students would be not able to attend university because of making way for poor students or those who live in the countryside.  
  
In spite of the arguments above, I also argue against this view for the following reasons. To commence with helping poor people to escape from poverty. In evidence, the university will provide advanced knowledge and practical skills like teamwork, presentation, problem-solving for them. Consequently, the underprivileged students would not only become well-prepared for labour market but also be able to find stable employment in the future. Equally important is that this solution would develop social and economic growth in rural areas. Take my country as an example, where the student would be adopted by universities from the received scholarship of the government with the commitment that returns work homeland. Therefore, this would improve the quality of labour in the countryside that is the foundation to develop the economy and society in the country.  
  
In conclusion, although I recognize possible arguments to accept this view, there are also persuasive reasons to believe that this idea is unreasonable.
Hi there! Your essay is really good, but I think you need to consider some details as well.  
  
First, I think your first body is not strong enough. If I am asked to argue that, I would say that because the students who live in big cities or have enough money to pay for their school fees have already approached to the good-quality education, as well as they have learned plenty of skills and knowledge, so there is no doubt that they are more knowledgeable and have more chances to go to universities. In contrast, poorer learners do not have many chances to approach to good education, so they should be given opportunities to approach to the same education like the richer have.  
  
Second, if I were you, I wouldn't use ~~take my country as an example, ...~~ because it is not right in written English. Instead, I would use *As an example, in my country, the students who...*  
  
Hope your writing always with best luck!
## what is better - small or big family?

  
  
IN many countries today, people in big cities either live alone or in a small family units, rather than in large family groups. Is this a positive or negative trend?  
  
Nowadays, people in large urban areas tend to live on their own or build a nuclear family rather than having an extended family because of the benefits they think it may bring. Some people, on the opposite side, argue that there may be some negative aspects we should also look at when pursuing this trend.  
  
It is undeniable that living on one's own have some great benefits. Living alone gives one the freedom to make their decisions without asking for the permission from their parents. Living alone can be supported by the idea that we will learn to take care of ourselves and be a full grown-up. This trend actually has been followed by a major group of people, especially young ones. In recent years, it has been estimated that more than forty percent of young people in big cities on their own or with their small families.  
  
This trend, however, is not heavily supported by the pro-family people. Living alone or with few members actually means that we have no one to lean on when in hardship. It even makes people less sociable and may cause stress in some ways. Also, these people argue that those often live alone are young people. If we live alone who would take care of our aging parents. This seems to be a very concerned issue in many countries.  
  
To conclude, it is difficult to say whether it is a positive or negative trend. Judging it depends on the situation and the choice they people want to make with their lives. However whether is a one-member family or a three generation home, one must feel happy with their lives, which is the ultimate goal of building a real family.
@nguyenvuong  
Hello there!  
  
I think that, for the most part, your essay is nicely well-written. You were able to elaborate your thoughts with a condensed structure and appropriate language.  
  
I do, however, think that you can focus more on your strategic usage of terms/words. Notice how misusing terms can affect your essay's quality. Focus on these small details, considering that your writing's satisfactory already.  
  
Take, for instance, the following lines and/or revisions:  
  
... living on ~~one's~~ your own ~~have~~ has ~~some great~~ benefits. Living ... without asking ~~for the~~ permission ... ~~Living alone ... idea that w~~ We will learn to ... and be ~~a~~ fully grown-up.  
  
Notice how evading repetitive usage of similar/synonymous lines, leaving more space for depth.  
  
Consider these revisions:  
  
If we live alone, no one ~~who~~ would take ... This ~~seems to be ... issue~~ is a growing concern in many countries.  
  
I hope I was able to contribute to your writing.  
  
Best of luck as always in your writing!
I'm so grateful if i receive some comments to make my essay better  
Please give me some comments, thanks a lot!!!  
  
## analisys of the village near London

  
  
**Chorleywood is a village near London whose population has increased steadily since the middle of the nineteenth century. The map below shows the development of the village.**  
  
Since the second half of the nineteenth century, population in Chorleywood, London increased in a gradual way, which leads to essential development and infrastructure changes.  
  
In general, from 1986 to 1994, there were many areas built through year by year. Besides, two roads as Motorway and Railway were also opened.  
  
Firstly, railway was built in 1909 and located in South of Chorleywood. It is a way connecting between East and West of Chorleywood. In 1970, motorway went into operation which lay along from North to South. Moreover, the road had an intersection with main road at Northeast.  
  
Around Chorleywood Park and Golf course, from 1868 to 1994, new areas were developed quickly and clearly. Especially, Chorleywood station which was near the intersection between main road and railway was a big place built from 1883 to 1922. After that, South west area was focused on developing until 1970. From 1970 to 1994, development of areas spread along with motorway in East of Chorleywood.  
  
*
@DiepVu  
Hello there!  
  
I'll try my best to provide you with feedback on your writing.  
  
First and foremost, optimize your essay. If you can use more techniques that will enable you to have enhanced structure in your essay, prefer to do so.  
  
Consider these revisions:  
  
... in a gradual way, ~~which leads... changes.~~ leading to infrastructural developments.  
  
~~In general, f~~ From 1986 to ... built ~~through year by year~~ yearly. ~~Besides, t~~ Two ~~roads as~~ ~~M~~ motorway and ~~R~~ railway ...  
  
Notice how the revisions that I had made were primarily to integrate altogether portions of your essay to create a more structured approach.  
  
Observe these other changes I will make:  
  
~~Firstly,~~ The railway was built in 1909, ~~and~~  located in the South of Chorleywood. It ~~is a way connecting between~~ connected the village's east and west ~~East and West of Chorleywood~~. ... which ~~lay~~ laid along ~~from North to South~~ the north and south. Moreover, ~~the road~~ it had an intersection with the main road ~~at Northeast.~~.  
  
It's quite unnecessary for you to continuously mention that you're referring to a specific road/railway, considering that you had already elaborated and established this as a fact since the beginning of the essay.  
  
Best of luck in your writing endeavors.
Hehe, finally i can find a good topic that I can show my mom PROOFS that TV is gooooodd. So she will never stop me watching TV hehe :D( but i have to make it convincing godammit :( )  
  
## spending time watching tv programs

  
  
**The question:** Some people think that watching TV is a waste of time. Do u agree or disagree?  
**My essay:**  
Nowadays, watching TV is although considered as one of the best stress relievers, it is also unworthily time-consuming. While I agree watching TV is not healthy and should do something else instead to entertain, I strongly believe that TV viewers will gain myriads of benefits if they know how to utilize it correctly.  
  
First and foremost, it is easily understandable that watching TV is a wasteful activity. In fact, there are many channels which are really harmful and crap at the same time. Take Vietnam for example. Kha Banh's channel is well-known for his swearing sayings and detrimentally playful lifestyles. What makes him unusual is that he attracts the children very well and they all try to copy lifestyles which are proven by their stupid dances so-called "mua quat". As a result, watching these types of channels is such a waste of time and harmful too. (please fans of Kha Banh getta the way :) )  
  
Nevertheless, as I stated before, TV viewers will gain tons of advantages if use it rightly. Firstly, the obvious reason is entertainment. However, this kind of amusement is extraordinary because it is not as addicting as online games which are somewhat beneficial. Secondly, if people select smartly the good channel, they can learn numerous knowledge depend on different categories. For instance, watching Wild Discovery Animals will enhance your understanding of the animal's living and suchlike and watching PewDiePie will boost your sense of humor and diplomacy.  
  
In conclusion, while some people believe watching TV is such a waste of time but if they watch it properly, I ensure that they will change their belief.  
  
*Feel free to give any feedbacks :) (but not fans of Khabanh :))*
@Dang Khoa  
Hello!  
  
Firstly, be cautious of the formatting and structure of your sentences. While you attempt to add complexity in your writing, it does not necessarily add depth. Always ensure that you have a firm grasp of the appropriate composition before proceeding to attempt anything that's *off-the-table*.  
  
Consider these revisions, for instance:  
  
~~Nowadays, w~~ Watching TV is ~~although~~ considered ... relievers~~,~~ ; despite this, it is also ... ... TV is ~~not healthy~~ unhealthy and that there are more beneficial alternatives, ~~and should ... to entertain,~~ I strongly believe ... will ~~gain myriads of~~ benefit if they ~~know ... correctly.~~ can correctly utilize it.  
  
Having a more academic tone is also critical if you're venturing into firmly creating a structure for your sentence.  
  
For instance, consider this revision on the second paragraph's first sentence:  
  
... wasteful activity. ~~In fact, t~~ There are many harmful channels ~~which are ... time~~.  
  
Know how to differentiate between informal and formal language. For instance, saying that a channel is "*crap*" is informal, considering that the term used to describe the situation is colloquial.  
  
Keep these in mind as you are writing. Best of luck as always!
## the change of share-priced of outokumpu companies

  
  
The line graph demonstrates the change of share-priced of outokumpu companies in a five-year period from january 2006 throught december 2010.  
As can be seen from the graph, it is clearly evident that the pattern of share price greatly differed over the time frame.  
At the beginning of the course, the share price stood at about 12.5 EUR .This figure then had some fluctuations around 17 to 20 EUR in 2006.  
The year 2007 experienced a rapid climb in the share price which reached a peak of more than 30 EUR.The share price then dove dramatically by 10 EUR from 30 to 20 EUR in between 2007 and mid 2008.  
  
In 2018 , The share price underwented a fast upward trend (around 30 EURO) .However this did not last long, the share price came down steeply to approximately 7 EUR in the beginning of 2009.During the period of 2009 and 2010,there was a violent fluctuation in the amount of price share .And finally , at the end of the period ,the price share was ,around 10 EUR.  
  
**The line graph below shows the changes in the share price of Outokumpu companies in euros between January 2006 and December 2010.  
  
Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information below.**  
  
*   
*The line graph below shows the changes in the share price of Outokumpu companies in euros between Ja*
@MiAnnn  
Hi there!  
  
Welcome to the forum. I'll try to provide you with feedback on your essay.  
  
Omit the usage of filler words that do not substantially add depth to your essay. Since you're working with word counts, it would be beneficial if you can stick with using terms that are beneficial for you. If you can accomplish this, you'll optimize the space you have in your essay more, creating more of a formal structure to work with. This can also result to a more appropriate academic tone.  
  
For instance, observe these revisions:  
  
... of share-price~~d~~ of ... from ~~january~~ January 2006 ~~throught~~ until ~~december~~ December 2010.  
~~As can be ..., it~~ It is clearly evident that the pattern ~~of share price~~ greatly differed over the ~~time frame~~ period.  
  
~~At~~ In the beginning ~~of the course~~, ~~the share price~~ it stood at about 12.5 EUR .~~This ... fluctuations~~ There were fluctuations at around 17 ...  
  
~~The year~~  2007 experienced a rapid ~~climb~~ increase ~~in the share price which reached~~ , reaching a peak of ... ~~The share price then~~ It dove dramatically ~~by 10 EUR~~ from 30 to 20 ... and ~~mid~~ 2008.  
  
Always optimize the space you have in your essay. Best of luck as always!
## ancient stone knives

  
  
Dear All,  
  
Here is my new essay. Thank you for your time and feedback.  
  
The six pictures describe two ancient stone knives made by prehistoric people at two different ages: 1.4 million years ago and 0.8 million years ago. Both cutting tools are 5cm long, but over 0.6 million years, the cutting tools were significantly improved with tool B sharper and thinner than tool A.  
  
In the front view, the tip of tool B is shaper than that of tool A, and the bottom of tool B is rounder and wider than that of tool A. The surface of tool B also seems to be polished to be smoother than that of tool A.  
  
In the side view, tool B has a clearer edge used to cut things than tool A. In addition, tool A seems rougher and thicker than tool A.  
  
The back view of both tools seem to be similar to the front view. Tool A's back was not polished as skillfully as that of tool B.  
  
*
## 1981 and 1994 - marriages per a country

  
  
**Hi guys, i just wanna say that it's been a long time that i have not written IELTS task 1 so i guess it gotta be suck :( but hope your comment will improve it give me some tips so i can do better next time xD :D!**  
  
**The question:***The bar chart below shows the marriage statistics for eight countries in 1981 and 1994. Write a short report about describing the information shown below.*  
  
**My essay:**  
The given bar chart depicts the marriage figures for eight nations in 1981 and 1994. In general, there was a downward trend in all territories except Denmark and USA had the highest marriage statistics.  
  
As is observed from the presentation, the marriage ratio(am i using right) of the Americans in 1981 was the greatest among other given countries which peaked at nearly 11 per thousand people. Meanwhile, other's marriage statistic was only around 6 per thousand. To be more specific, countries namely UK, Japan, Finland and Germany's marriage figures was all above 6 per thousand and UK was noticeable for its peak at 7 per thousand in the named group(i feel weird about this...).On the other hand, most people in the remaining countries which is France, Italy and Denmark is not married which is proven by their statistic was all below 6 per thousand. (i feel sthing wrong bout this sentence...)  
  
However, in 1994, most of country's marriage figures decreased but USA still got the top 1 which peaked at 9 per thousand. Nevertheless, Denmark was better in the USA by its marriage statistics have been improved, which reached at 7 per thousand. Beside that, among 6 other countries, Japan was the country which its marriage statistic was above 6 while others in the opposite.  
  
*And that is done :D, whoose i just check : V, 215 words in my essay. Feel free to give feedbacks, especially i need linking words and tips :D.(of course grammar too, i would be good if u give me some complitcated sentences for my essay :) )*  
  
*
## Judgement must be fair and just

  
  
*"Some people think the best way to reduce crime is by giving longer prison sentence. Other, however, think there are better alternative ways to reduce it. Discuss both views and give your opinions"*  
  
Reducing crime is one of biggest national concerns of many countries. Some people argue that those committing a crime will not likely to do it again should they be sentenced a harsher punishment such as serving a longer jail time. While this argument can be agreed on, others think that there can be more human and alternative ways to tackle this issue.  
  
It is undeniable that if one commit a crime, they should be punished; and the punishment depends on how dangerous the action is. A large number of people, however, think that if the punishment is not harsh enough in many cases. If the sentence is not just and satisfactory, it cannot be a good lesson for those who make serious crime such as murder, rape, or terrorist acts, etc. They believe that a harsher and fairer should be made to prevent these kind of actions in the future.  
  
While the above-given argument can be true, others think that instead of focusing on the sentence, we should find a way to stop it from happening. In many developed countries, the number of prisons is significant less than those in developing world because the efficient involvement of governments, schools, and family in educating the younger generation on what is bad and good. It is widely believed that those who are well educated will not likely to make illegal and harmful actions.  
  
To conclude, I believe that it depends very much on the situation to make a fair judgement. If the action is judged as extremely dangerous, the criminals must get a deserved sentence. Likewise, we can give a way to those who make illegal actions unintentionally to realise their mistakes and to start it over again. Whatever the judgement may be, it must be fair and just.
## entertainment and education in movies

  
  
Some people argue that the main intention of films are to entertain audiences, others however believe that they should tranfer educational values. In my opinion, all kinds of films should have both value of entertainment and education.  
  
On the one hand, some people only support the entertainment of films. It is undeniable that nowadays the booming of movie industry benefits film producers and casters with large amount of money through number of audience or online views, so as to attract more and more people, a lot of kinds of films only offer entertainment. Seconly, under daily high working pressure, increasing number of people, especially young generation, tend to seek relaxation by watching highly entertain films.  
  
On the other hand, another opinion is that films should bring educational benefits. It can be explained that poplularity and impact of films are increasing quickly with evidences of heating of blockbusters or series of high rating films. It is therefore a good way to tranfer values to everyone.  
  
In my opinion, it is ever greater to intergrate relaxation with educational values in film. . Recently, lots of people spend most of their day on media devices for films watchings or music listening and we can not negate increasing impluence of films or blockbusters It is so great if we can gain more useful information as watching films, therefore, films can be one of effective tools to educate audiences.  
  
In conclusion, the goverments should encourage film makers to bring products with not only entertainment but also educational values to audience
## virtual games instead of real sport

  
  
"Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?"  
  
Nowadays, the technological development brought a lot of the modern devices that help human life easier. One of them is appearing of computer with a lot of colorful online games. Therefore, it's argued that there is a lot of kids taking more time to play the computer games than do sports in the outside. In my opinion, this is the fact circumstance in general. However, the modern technology does not only have many drawbacks but also lots of benefits that good for their life.  
  
With regard to the negative effects, first, spending time playing computer games will cause various issues about health especially making the eyes-problem. Honestly, looking at the screen more than 3 hours per day definitely deduct the eyes seeing ability. Secondly, due to the computer games, teenagers gradually become to addict. This leads to the other health-problem because they do not eat or even drink all the time being in front of the computer. Playing game most of time has the negative problem for children's health.  
  
On the other hand, there are many online games about studying and entertaining that help to practice children's brain being more intelligent and flexible. If the parents can help their offspring including reminding them the time to using computer and guide them the good way to apply it in studying, children can advance their knowledge a lot because of online games.  
  
To sum up, playing game brings up both advantages and disadvantages. They are not only the main reason for children's heath due to overusing but also develop the children's knowledge. The most important thing is guiding them to use computer reasonably.  
  
P/s: I wrote it without dictionary in 50 minutes after a long time I did not write. I realized that I forgot a lot of vocabularies and I did not know how to express my opinion. Hope to hear your honest comment to let me improve more! Many thanks for my friends!
HI THERE @ACYNGUYEN0909, YOU HAVE A LOT OF MISTAKES AND I REALLY WOULD LIKE TO IMPROVE THEM.  
**First of all, your introduction is too long, too many lengthy abundant sentences, you should minimize them and focus on the content.**  
  
**I would like to change into:**"Nowadays, the technological developments have brought the appearance of the online games on the computer. While some people think that games are harmful and should play sports instead, i strongly believe that games would be super beneficial if humans utilize it rightly"  
  
See? It's simple and not too lengthy, i think you should practice with the sentence "while,.. i blah blah blah" because it will be a good card it writting "agree or not" question.  
  
There are a lot more like you overlap your words, lack of vocab, wrong grammar, and weak at the layout which many newbies have. But dont worry, this kind of writting ALL HAVE A FORMULA :), just need to know that formula(which is on the Internet), you would do well and maybe higher than 6.0  
  
So good luck bud and hope u do better in the future.