dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
If you believe that nurturing is more important than the nature of a person, then there is no need to include a discussion sentence about the nature of man. You do not have to do a comparison discussion because you are being asked to explain and defend the point of view that you support. When you do a comparative discussion, the tendency may be for you to try and equalize the discussion, which means you will show indecision rather than a solid opinion in your presentation. This could result in point deductions for you because you are "uncertain" of your position. The uncertainty is further fueled by you reference to "I think" when presenting your nurture opinion in the paraphrased statement. Remove all terms of uncertainty because the essay will score less that way. Always be strong and opinionated regarding the point of view that you support.  
  
By the way viewpoint is one word, not 2. It is also important that you show the strength of your support for your pov by using stronger adjectives to represent your information. Presentations such as:  
  
*I think that nurture is really important factor in judging the human perspective.*  
  
Would have had a strong impact on the reader if you had instead shown conviction in your presentation:  
  
*I believe that nurturing is a key factor in judging...*  
  
You cannot convince the reader about your point of view if you show uncertainty. Remember that. The first paragraph would have been more impactful if you had also enumerated the reasons that support your point of view. These would have responded to the instruction:  
  
*Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.*  
  
By enumerating your reasons or stating your reason, the reader will be hooked and be interested in what you have to say in the reasoning paragraphs.  
  
In paragraph 2, your topic sentence does not help to move the essay forward. It is actually a separate statement from the rest of the paragraph. You should have started on the second sentence instead, which was the sentence that helped move your discussion forward in that paragraph.  
  
Always use the concluding summary as precisely that. A summary of the previously presented topic, discussion points, and explanations. That will help you close the essay on the strongest note possible as you will be able to highlight your ability to restate the topic and other discussion points in 2 ways. That will increase your TA, LR, and GRA scores.
## people live longer and the population grow older

  
  
It is a startling evidence that the average expectation of life has lengthened recent years, which poses a worldwide challenge for both individuals and society. Now government already has some principal measures to get the better of aging populations.  
  
Longer life makes a tremendous impact on several aspects in life. As people live longer and the population grow older, certain related issues can be anticipated. First, elderly people tend to be vulnerable to chronic diseases which require special treatment and finance from young generation. A larger budget will be devoted to serve the growing demands of aging populations, leading to the increase in tax revenues for the government. In addition, people claiming pension benefits and lack of working adults can result in a stagnating economy. Second, the old generation cannot integrate with the young often get lonesome and form a pressure group for the younger generation. As a result, generation gap between generations can increase a high rate of dysfunctional family with load of unworthy conflicts.  
  
In order to minimize the aforementioned influences, some suggested solutions should be taken into consideration seriously by the leading authority. Stable future workforce and subsidies are main means to encourage young people to have more children. Nowadays, young people have inclination for marriage without having babies because they do not want to dutifully pay unnecessary expenses, thus annuities probably increase the demands for children of the young. Besides, population growth trending increase is the main issue producing much social disruption and labor shortages. Top ruling organs should liberalize its immigration policies to permit of working adults from outer forces. Furthermore, it is urgent that the government expenditure be used to invest the improvement in the quality of public services such as healthcare and accommodation for the old.  
  
To recapitulate, aging populations have lots of effect on a number of problems. Therefore, authority should immediately control the rise of the elderly by many means of measures before the cause of fast-growing old populations getting worse and worse.
has lengthened (in) recent years  
  
***First**, elderly people*----------------------You stated the **first** problem  
***In addition,** people claiming* -You stated the **second** problem  
***Second,** the old generation*---You stated the **third** problem, but you called it second  
And I think it is better to use First-ly and Second-ly  
  
*To recapitulate,* this sounds so strange to me, maybe just use something simple like "in conclusion"
## Statistics of low income families in Australia

  
  
The table provides information about diverse type of families living in poverty in Australia in 1999.  
  
On the average, the proportion of people from all households types living in poverty was 11%, which represented there had total 1,837,000 people were poor. And the sole parent family type had the largest proportion, 21% (232,000) people of this family type were living in poverty. The household type of single people with no children had the second largest poverty proportion, which was 19% (350,000 people). The family type of couple with children also had a large proportion of the poverty, 12% (933,000 people) of this family type were living in poverty.  
  
In contrast, the other three family types, including couple with no children, single aged person and aged couple, had the proportion which were less than 10%. The poverty percentage of the couple with no children was 7%, which show 211,000 people of this household type were lived in poor condition.The percentage of the poverty in single aged person family type was only less 1% than the percentage of the couple with no children, which was 6%(54,000 people).  
  
The percentage of the poverty in aged couple family type was least, only had 4%(48,000) people were living in poverty.  
  
Overall, the sole parent family type had the largest proportion of people living in poverty, while the aged couple had the least proportion.
Where is the image? You forgot to upload it. Student users cannot provide the image for you. I am afraid that I can only give you a grammar check for this presentation. I do not have a comparison point , the image, to base the validity of your report on. Please remember to upload the image next time. You can upload it by clicking the [+] image link in the black portion of the text box. The one with the stylized effects listing.  
  
For the task 1 essay, you should only write between 175-190 words. You only have 20 minutes to complete this task. So, when you write 228 words, it is quite possible that you cut into your task 2 writing time of 40 minutes. Stick with the most basic reporting presentation to allow time for editing and final copy creation for your presentation.  
  
Your summary overview is not complete. I am not sure what information you forgot to present but that part should have at least 3 sentences in it. Exclusive of the trending sentence.  
  
I am confused about the presentation. Why do you have both a percentage and a numerical data presentation? Is that how it was presented in the image? You did not clearly explain why you are presenting two data types. There is a clear lack of developed explanations regarding the information provided.  
  
I apologize for not being able to give you more corrections. I am unable to do so without the image to compare your written information to. Please remember to provide that next time. I assure you that you will get a more complete review of your work from me then.
**## Disruptive school students have a negative influence on others.

  
*Students who are noisy and disobedient should be grouped together and taught separately.  
Do you agree or disagree?***  
  
The issue of should disruptive school students have specialized treatments and other teaching methods is certainly a controversial one. Despite the opinions from some people suppose it is relatively appropriate, I personally disagree with that. The following essay will illustrate two principle reasons why my view is on the opposite.  
  
One point which I consider to be absolutely vital is that school is like a lesser society which offers an environment for students to nurture their social interactive ability. Students, for instance, could learn how to cooperate together in order to complete reports efficiently. In addition, they could also learn how to cope with obstacles while confronting misconception. Therefore, if schools still decide to group students separately, students would definitely lose the opportunity to interact with different types of other students and to improve their interpersonal communicative competence.  
  
Further and even more importantly, I am of the opinion that every student is distinguished and have different talents in various fields which may even not be opted as a school subject. Such as on one hand, some of the students may be fond of going outside and photographing rather than calculating geometry and algebra. On the other hand, some of the students might be noisy and unconcentrated during a biology class. Nonetheless, they could immerse themselves immediately into an incredible fascinating world of hip-pop music. Hence, separating students would only hurt them badly and could even deteriorate present circumstances.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that every student is unique no matter how many A or F they can obtain in an exam. As a result, I personally do not agree with the idea that disruptive school students should be categorized specially and taught individually.  
  
*Hallo dear members, I plan to participate in IELTS in this August. This essay is my first IELTS essey and my goal is to score at least brand 6 in task 2 after a three moths writing practice. Is that possible for me after you guys read my Task 2 above. Best regards:)*
Dear Mr. Holt,  
  
Thank you for giving me so many useful advice that I could use in the coming days. Though I was a little bit frustrated with the result, it seems to be I still have a large space to improve my writing skills. I will keep practicing. Today I just finished another Task 2 essay and I hope this time I did not change the prompted discussion and could be worth scoring. Any way, if there are any improper way which is used in my essay, please just let me know. Thank you very much!  
  
Best wishes:)
## measures to curb deforestation

  
  
Deforestation caused by human activity is happening in many parts of the world, with serious results for the environment. What do you think is the causes, effects and solutions of this problem?  
  
My answer:  
Deforestation has become the matter of great concerns in recent years. According to " The Guardian report in 2018", every second, a chunk of forest equivalent to the size of a soccer field is lost. This essay would discuss the causes, effects of the deforestation and also propose some solutions to the problem.  
  
First of all, human acitivities are responsible for deforestation. It is estimated that farming, grazing of livestock, mining and drilling combined account for more than half of all deforestion. Moreover, forestry practices, wildfires, and in small part, urbanization account for the rest. Regarding agriculture, human cut down forests to grow foods and other commodities such as soy, palm oil and wood products. For instance, palm oil is cheap, versatile and can be added to both food and personal products like lipsticks and bamboo. Its popularity has spurred people to clear forests to grow more palm trees. Another example is the paper production requiring logging operations which fell countless trees each years.  
  
Deforestation has brought negative consequences to our world. As forests are home to a wide variety of animals and plants, deforestation will lead to the loss of biodiversity. The amazon, for example, have the greatest concentrations of animal and plant species of any terrestrial ecosystem. As deforestation proceeds, the extinction of these species is unavoidable. Futhermore, according to FAO, deforestation is the second- leading cause of climate change. It not only remove vegetation, but the act of clearing the forests produces greenhouse gas emissions. It is obvious that trees play a crucial role in the climate mitigation as they absorb carbon dioxide which is exhaled by humans and the heat-trapping greenhouse gases emitted by human acitivity. The felling of trees would certainly obliterate all the benefits.  
  
There are some measures which can be taken to mitigate the issue. To begin with, instead of cutting down trees for the aforementioned purposes, we should adopt sustainable farming practices, employ new farming technologies and crops to increase agricultural productivity. Moreover, trees should be replanted in cleared areas as the sooner a cleared area is reforested, the quicker the ecosystem can start to repair itself. On a personal level, individuals can take steps to curb deforestation by purchasing certified wood products, going paperless whenever possible, using eco-friendly products.  
  
As the world seeks to slow the pace of climate change, preserve wildlife, and support billions of people, trees inevitably hold a major part of the answer. Therefore, it is urgent that we take measures to curb deforestation for the sake of ourself and the next generation.
The first problem with this essay is that you over wrote. I understand that you will be taking the CBT version, which means if you are an excellent typist, you will be able to drum up a lot of words. However, the number of words you wrote are not as important as the content of the essay. Simply typing 275-290 words would gain you a higher score, if the essay is properly developed, than if you wrote 425 words that were not proof read, and does not meet the discussion requirements. The test is not just about the number of words you know in English. It is more about your ability to write coherently in academic UK English, using as little sentences as possible.  
  
Never include research information in your essay. The task always asks you to base the discussion on personal knowledge, commonly known information, and personal experiences. That is because you will not be able to do research at the testing center as there will not be any outside internet access on the computers used for the test. So referring to an article for information in this essay automatically hits you with points deductions in the TA section. Rather than simply outlining the discussion instructions, you should be more creative in the prompt restatement and offer the topics that you will be discussing as the causes of the problems and the potential solutions you plan to present. That will create a clearer discussion outline for the examiner to follow. It will also tell the examiner that you truly understood (comprehended) the discussion topic and discussion process as you were instructed in the original prompt. For the prompt restatement, just stick as closely as possible to the original presentation:  
  
*Desertification, an exercise that is commonly done by people across the globe has been leaving negative habitat results. This is caused by reasons such as ... These problem sources result in... Part of the solutions that may be applied are...*  
  
Your discussion presentations are good. You were able to properly connect the cause and effect discussion. However, you still continued to refer to researched information in certain paragraphs, thus creating additional problems for your TA score. Never do research during the practice test. Always practice in an actual test setting. That means, no research allowed. While it makes your practice essay look authoritative, you will have a problem at the actual testing center when you can no longer do research to create impressive essays. Use only the information you know when you write the essays. I do not doubt that, had you not researched this topic for the essay, you would not have been able to write such an effective essay presentation.
Please help me with this essay (Writing Task 2 in the Ielts test). Thanks in advance!!  
  
## SHARING VALUABLE INFORMATION

  
  
Topic: Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business, and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important and too valuable to be shared freely.  
  
It is often claimed that sharing scientific, technological or academic knowledge freely is beneficial. Nevertheless, I firmly believe that some information should be kept confidential.  
  
On the one hand, it is understandable why there is a belief that information in terms of science, business and technology should be accessible. For one, people will be raised their awareness to enhance their life by getting access to certain scientific researches. The natural ecosystem and people's health have been threatened by great changes in the environment in recent years. For example, the phenomenon of climate change spread widely in our society encourages scientists to carry out geoengineering projects to reduce the effects of global warming on the Earth. In addition, the lack of information in the academic world would be a noticeable obstacle for students to achieve efficiency in their self-learning processes. This is because it is difficult for those to update the newest mainstream related to their major which is excluded in their textbook.  
  
On the other hand, I would maintain that some secret information should be available to a certain extent. For example, if information related to nuclear weapons science falls into wrong hands, it is more likely to trigger exponentially war or terrorist activities. Another reason is that it takes researchers much time and effort to complete their researches, therefore people who want to be accepted to their works are advisable to pay for scientists' endeavors. This can be explained by the fact that researchers do not have funds for their works, hence they are not encouraged to continue to generate science if people do not give them credit by a bit payment.  
  
In conclusion, although both views certainly have some validity, it seems to me that it is better to safeguard the information that is sensitive and valuable to organizations and countries.
The original discussion instruction for this essay is asked you to discuss both points of view and then present a personal opinion. I think you forgot to read the instructions for the prompt to the very end so you missed that part. Had you properly discussed this essay, you would have had a 5 paragraph essay that gave you the opportunity to:  
  
- Present the first public point of view  
- Compare the second public point of view with the first public point of view  
- Consider both discussions and present your analyzed personal point of view  
  
There will be a need for you to use second person (plural) pronouns for the first 2 sections, then the first person point of view (singular) for the last section. This is a comparative analysis discussion so you have to be clear about whose point of view is being discussed within the paragraphs before you present your opinion/analysis of the topic. An effective personal point of view is based on a strong C/C or A/D discussion presented in the first 2 reasoning paragraphs.  
  
You basically forgot to prove that you have to prove your ability to use the pronoun references for the GRA score throughout the essay.Always remember that the prompt will give you the discussion instructions regarding pronoun usage, topic sentences, and discussion approach. You did not really consider the discussion requirements in this presentation. That is why your discussion is a bit off base and your score will be problematic.  
  
At this point, I would not pay too much attention to the spelling, grammar, and punctuation problems your essay has. I am more concerned about you meeting the discussion format requirements first. The concern I have comes from the fact that the discussion format is a large chunk of your test score. Make a mistake in the presentation, as you did here, and you will struggle to achieve a passing mark.
Mr. Holt, please let me know if this essay is better. Do I have any mistake?  
I have tried to make it shorter as your advice. Do I have any mistakes in transition sentences?  
  
***Many people think that countries have a moral obligation to help each other while other argue that the aid money is misspent by the governments that receive it, so the international aid should not be given to the poor countries in the world.*  
  
## Discuss the two views of international aid and give your opinion**  
  
Funding for poor nations is increasing rapidly in the world. Many people claim that these countries should not be given any aid from global groups since the authorities misuse it, while others disagree with this idea. However, I believe that countries in the world have to assist them.  
  
Due to the global improvement, international organizations should provide financial support to poor countries, lack of which may cause the improving speed of the world slower. The benefit of reducing HIV disease of African nations exemplifies this point. After receiving aids, those nations have tackled problems effectively, which leads to decrease the burden on this world and makes humans' lives better. However, assistances cannot achieve the good results as international groups' expectations if politicians in those undeveloped nations use the resources inefficiently  
  
Most poor nations normally misuse financial aids for the wrong purposes since they do not have the professional ability of resource management. For example, the starvation in Africa is continuing, which cannot help African countries become developing ones. The politicians spend the universal aids on investing in weapons instead of anti-poverty programs. As a result, international groups need to have suitable solutions to minimize this negative effect  
  
In my opinion, I think whether or not global groups should provide undeveloped countries with financial support depends on the instruction of using that resource. I believe that once knowing these strategies, countries will not waste money on other purposes. Therefore, these groups need to set requirements such as the steps of implementation, the project's target and the expected results besides the assistance.  
  
In summary, although misspending the fund from poor nations is a negative view of international aid, these countries still need support due to the global development. Therefore, it is necessary to take appropriate measures for this issue.