dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## IELTS Academic Task I - Line Graph

  
  
Task I: The chart below shows three different crimes and the number of cases committed between 1970 and 2005 (ref: IMG\_3724.ONG)  
  
My Essay:  
  
The chart illustrates the number of cases in three different crimes in England and Wales from 1970 to 2005.  
  
Overall, the crime numbers of car theft, house burgling and street robbery all experienced an upward trend over the period.  
  
The car theft generally had the highest record among these three crimes throughout the period. It was at 0.4 million cases in 1970 and gradually increased to 1.0 million cases 20 years later. From 1990 to 1995, it experienced a rapid surge to 1.6 million cases and continued with a rebound and finished the period with about 1.0 million in cases by 2005.  
  
The house burgling started with 0.2 million cases in 1970, exceeding the car theft in 1978, and reaching its peak at 0.9 million cases 2 years later. At this point, the crime fell to around 0.3 million cases by 2005, except for 1985 to 1990. In the meantime, the street robbery remained steady until 2000, and then gradually rose to 0.2 million cases in 2005.  
  
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I am still a learner, so what I say here may not be completely correct. I just want to exchange experience and learn new things.  
  
First, you should tell what kind of chart it is. In your case, "this chart" should be rewritten as "this line chart/graph".  
You should not use "illustrates", as it means "makes a picture". There is no picture here. You may want to use "compares", "plots", or "provides information".  
  
You also need to name the kinds of crime and the measurement unit.  
I feel that "crime numbers" quite strange. I think I will write "the number of car thefts, house burglings and street robberies".  
"... cases by 2005, except for 1985 to 1990". I can understand the first half of this sentence, but the second half is quite difficult for me to understand. I think I will write it as "The crime fell to around 0.3 million cases by 2005, despite a slight increase of 1000 cases committed between 1985 and 1990".
Hi nancyliao! I have some feedbacks on your essay and also I hope that we can exchange experience as well as support each other to improve our writing skill.  
  
- In terms of the overall statement paragraph, 2-3 sentences are needed. Besides the upward trend in 3 types of crime, you should point out which line was the highest or lowest for the whole/most of the period. For example: The car theft is by far the most popular types of crime throughout the period.  
  
- For the detail paragraphs, it is important that you should compare the lines and avoid describe the lines separately. Also you can choose some interesting points to compare the figures.  
  
For example: I would choose the period from 1970-1980 , 1980-1995 and 1995-2005. I prefer the point 1980 and 1995 to write as these are the years when house burging and car theft reached their peak.  
  
That's all about my feedbacks!  
Have a nice day!
In your numerical presentation, you should use the actual figures from the image because you are scored on information accuracy. That means 0.4 is different from 0.40. Since you are filing a report, the figures must be accurately representative of the given data. You should also aim to use more academic sounding words instead of just using basic English for the presentation. Always consider the audience of your report and word it accordingly. In this instance, you could have used more formal language and also, added more analysis to the information provided. While there is no right or wrong method of writing the presentation, you must consider the formality of the report in your writing. This feels too juvenile in presentation. You were afraid to actually study the information beyond what could easily be seen. A better scoring Task 1 essay always considers a comprehensive information presentation attuned to the audience it was written for.
**It is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going to university. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?**  
  
There has been a considerable increase in the number of graduated students choosing to take a gap year. In my opinion, this matter has both pros and cons and my essay will throughly illustrate the points.  
  
To begin with, taking a gap year can unexpectedly have positive impacts on students' skills and experience. Many teenagers do not truly understand their ownselves and have no clue of what they have interest in or what they want to do. Therefore, having some time off before attending higher education systems can encourage students to have a deeper insight into their dreams and hobbies so that they can be well-prepared for their futures. Secondly, this year off will be such precious time for teenagers to explore the world and gain more experience by themselves. For example, working as a part-time employee, learn a new skill or travel to a few new nations will broaden students' knowledge and create more new aspects of life. Indeed, going for a gap year is beneficial for students in many ways.  
  
On the contrary, the period of a year off could counteract if it is not spent wisely. In other words, a huge number of students lost their motivation in working and studying after a few months from graduation. If they can not pull themselves together during this gap year, students will not gain any benefits from this time. More seriously, they can waste all those time in losing track of their original plans and goals.  
  
In conclusion, taking a gap year has both advantages and disadvantages so that students should consider throughly whether they should opt for this decision or not.
It is important for you to present a balanced discussion for the advantage and disadvantage discussion paragraphs. You would do well to only present one for each. Even though you have a second suggestion for the advantage because this essay is a 4 paragraph essay only. When you write a second set of information in the same paragraph as the first, you tend to lose focus and better develop one discussion over the other. In this case, your second reason was better presented when compared to the first. So when you write your draft next time, consider which of the information you have listed you have more to say about in the sense that it will clearly show:  
  
- A topic sentence  
- A valid reason  
- A supporting example  
- An extended discussion presentation  
- A transition sentence to the disadvantage / advantage discussion (optional)  
  
In order to maintain the clarity and cohesiveness of your presentation, it will always be best to focus on one topic per sentence unless otherwise specified. Your discussion actually good but held back by the lack of C&C consideration your paragraph presentation. Some paragraphs are better developed than the others.  
  
By the way, for the opening and closing paragraphs, please do not forget the basic rule, that is must be a reverse paraphrase. So you have to outline the topic, the advantage, the disadvantage, then close the essay with a sentence that will not provide a personal opinion or preference in the discussion. Both paragraphs need to show at least 3-5 sentence as per formatting requirements.  
  
Additionally, if you are merely presenting the word "students'" to show the plural form of student, merely say, "students". The reason being that the apostrophe S is used to show ownership, not plurality.
IELTS Task 1: **The graph below shows the consumption of fish and different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004.  
## Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
The line graph given demonstrates how much chicken, beef, lamb and fish were consumed, as measured by grams per person per week, in an unnamed European nation from 1979 to 2004. Overall, chicken gained popularity while beef and lamb lost favor during the period. There was little change in the intake of fish, which was the least consumed food all the time.  
  
Beef well exceeded any other food listed in consumption at more than 200 grams per person per week in 1979, but the figure was in decline throughout most of the period, despite hovering at a high of approximately 225 grams per person per week in the 1980s. As a result, the average person in the European country only ate slightly more than 100 grams beef each week in 2004. A similar downward spiral was seen in lamb, whose consumption was just modestly above 50 grams per person per week in 2004, a dramatic decrease from 150 grams in 1979.  
  
By comparison, the consumption of chicken was in an upswing and overtook that of lamb soon after 1979 and that of beef around 1989, making it the most consumed food ever since. In 2004, people in the country took in about 250 grams fish every week on average, well above around 150 grams in 1979. With regard to fish, its consumption always stayed at about 50 grams.  
  
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I have a specific question: is it correct to write "...**decrease from 150 grams**" **instead of "decrease from 150 grams per person per week**" in the last sentece of the second paraphrase?  
  
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Hello there!!! After reading your essay, I have some suggestions for you so that you can improve your essay next time.  
First, the phrase " any other food listed in consumption" confused me and I think "consumption" was the wrongly-used word. You need to fix this phrase.  
  
Next, the sentence "A similar downward spiral was ..." had some grammar mistakes, leading to the confusion of the sentence.  
  
I really hope my comment will help you in some ways!!!
You can approach that presentation two ways. It is kind of redundant to say per person, per week twice in the same essay. So you can show your advanced grammar skills by saying 200 grams each person / a week or, you can merely say "each person consumed 200 grams on weekly average", or other synonym forms that can indicate the same person and weekly measurement status. You don't have to use the same terms each time. Consider your LR score. It will be increased if you can show that you are capable of using other reference forms for the same phrase within the essay. Depending upon how advanced your English vocabulary is, you may be able to increase both your LR and GRA score based on sentence references alone.
## Average carbon dioxide emissions per person

  
  
The graph provides the information about how much carbon dioxide that an average person in four countries emitted into the environment between 1967 and 2007.  
  
Overall, it is noticeable that the amount of carbon dioxide in Sweden decreased far faster than the other countries in the first decade.  
  
There were two basic trends: downward and upward. As regard the first, the emission for Sweden reach a peak of about 10 over the first decade, followed by a sudden drop to under 6. During the same period, British reduced the amount of carbon dioxide gradually at approximate 9 in 2007 in comparison with 11 in 1967.  
  
By contract, the figure for both Italy and Portugal went up by varying degrees. The former saw a significant rise in the first ten years and continue to increase slightly ending the year 2007 at about 8. Likewise, the trend for Portugal was upward. This country recorded a dramatical climb in emission from 1 to 5.5 per person after forty years.  
  
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Your summary overview is a run on and neglects to indicate important summary information such as:  
- What the 4 countries listed are  
- What measurement type is used (metric tonne)  
- Type of image (line graph)  
  
The "overall" statement is a trending statement. Therefore, you cannot say that there are 2 basic trends in the presentation. There are only upward and downward measurements. The overall trend, as it is properly phrased, is what you stated as a stand alone sentence, that the measurement in Sweden decreased faster than the other countries. It should have been part of the summary overview as that is the conclusion of your observation of the information from the line graph.
## Ielts writing task 2 - Aging population

  
  
*I have tried to improve some mistake from the last work. Hope you guys can give me advice for this piece of writing*  
**Some people believe that aging population is good for business, the economy and society. Others, however, disagree with this view. Discuss both view and give your opinion.**  
  
These days, the percentage of older people in the population structure has been increasing rapidly. This trend leads to both positive and negative effects that will be discussed in this essay.  
  
On the one hand, the aging population brings about numerous advantages, economically and socially. First of all, senior workers have loads of practical skills and experience, which can be passed on to their counterparts. Take the teacher as an example; a senior teacher with a long time working has more experience in dealing with problematic children and the teaching method. Moreover, in a diverse working environment, the collaboration between the young and old helps improve productivity, increasing profits, and boosting economic growth. When it comes to the social aspect, older people are more likely to attend community service projects and voluntary activities, such as the local environment campaign.  
  
On the other hand, it is believed that the aging population somewhat can prevent the nation's development. Older workers tend to be less creative and innovative than younger colleagues. They often find difficulties keeping up with the latest technology, which impacts companies' productivity adversely. One more problem is the higher proportion of aging working people, the higher the unemployment rates. The youth have little chance to have a well-paid job when many jobs are full-filled by senior workers. For this reason, a large number of young people are forced to be unemployed and take a low-paying job that is below their abilities.  
  
In conclusion, regardless of some drawbacks, In my opinion, the advantages of the aging population outweigh the disadvantages, and there are various ways to take advantage of the older population to gain benefits for the society.  
  
( 277 words )
For this essay, you should be writing more towards the 300 word mark. However, most experts consider the 290 word mark the maximum word count in terms of scoring consideration. It just works best for this type of essay. Why?  
  
Each paragraph you write needs to reflect your personal opinion of the given public discussion point. I see that you are considering the public opinion in the discussion but, you fail every time to give a personal opinion in the paragraph. You need to have a variation of third and first person pronouns in the essay. The third person pronoun is used to signify the public discussion points prior to the transition to your personal opinion in the paragraph. You have to make sure that you separate the 2 opinion presentations. Make it clear to the examiner that you are first, considering the public point of view and then, second, present your personal opinion of that pov.  
  
It is improper of your to present your personal opinion in the concluding paragraph. It is either you present the personal opinion as a part of the 2 reasoning paragraphs (4 paragraph essay format) or, as a stand alone paragraph before the conclusion (5 paragraph essay format). The conclusion should be used to remind the reader of the important topic and discussion points before you close the essay.
## THE DIAGRAM OF BOTTLED AND CANNED CARBONATE DRINK

  
  
A glance at the given diagrams shows how bottled and canned gas drink are produced. Overall, it is patently obvious that there are six stages in this process, starting with filtering the water and ending with the distribution of carbonated drinks to the supermarket.  
  
At the first step of the process, after the water is collected, it will go through a filter to eliminate germs or unhealthy things. The next step begins when the water goes through the heating and cooling pipe, the temperature of the water will be adjusted to a suitable level. After that, the water is carbonated in the third step and for the fourth step, the sterilized water is combined with the syrup mixture. Besides, color is also added in this stage. Then, the drinks are packed in either cans or bottles. In the final stage, the completed products are transported to supermarkets and are ready to be consumed.  
  
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As a Task 1 essay, this report should be composed of 3 paragraphs. Each set of procedural instructions should be grouped into 2. The paragraphs are composed of:  
  
- Summary overview + Trending statement  
- First half of the procedure  
- Second half of the procedure  
  
So your presentation should have cut off after a proper discussion of the first 2 steps. That will comprise the 2nd paragraph, with steps 3 and 4 depicting the final stage and 3rd paragraph. Each paragraph should be between 3-5 sentences. You only have 2 sentences in the summary overview. That means, you did not write more than the required minimum word requirements.  
  
Scoring better in this test will depend upon how well you write between 175-190 words. 152 rods completes the report but, as you can see, makes you fall short of the formatting requirements. You need to add more analysis to the presentation. This report is just straightforward, sans any analysis which is still required in a procedural report. One or two analytical representations in sentence form should have worked. One per paragraph would have been ideal.
The bar chart above compares the percentage of IT industry and Service industry which are the constituents of Gross Domestic Product (GDP) of UK from 1992 to 2000.  
  
Overall, it is clearly considered from the chart that IT industry was continuously a component which had more contribution to GDP of UK from 1992 to 2000. Meanwhile, despite being less influential, Service industry experienced a rather stable development.  
  
In the first four years, it is easily seen a small fluctuation of IT industry. The percentage of this field witnessed a stable increase from 6.7% to 8.6% from 1992 to 1994 before hitting a very slight fall by about 0.6% to 8%. Comparison with oscillation of IT industry, Service industry saw a growth steadily to 7% in 1996 even though it is recorded this figure just arrived at 4% in 1992.  
  
To IT industry, the next two years is the time of significant bloom which are worth mentioning. Although the two areas were similar in the terms of increase, IT industry still took the strong impression when reaching the highest point of 15% in 2000. Service industry, at the same time, continued contributing to GDP presented by that the proportion of this group rose gradually from 7.9% to 8.2%.  
  
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For all intents and purposes, there is no chart above. Identify the chart as merely provided to you. Be specific about the type of chart. In this case, if you want to be specific, it is a vertical, 2 information set bar chart for comparison purposes. The comparison points are the IT industry and service industry. Your summary overview paragraph is incomplete. It is also confusing to read because you tried to compress all of the separate information into 1 long sentence. This run-on does not help your C&C score. Each paragraph should have 3-5 sentences presented for clarity purposes. Never compress the information into a run-on presentation.  
  
The maximum suggested word count for this test is 190 words. More than 200 words and your tendency will be the cut into the task 2 writing time. You should make sure to review your paragraphs for clarity issues. Use simpler words where possible so as not to make the sentence unnecessarily complex (... of this field witnessed (saw) a...) Clarity does not always come from the use of inapplicable advanced words. Usually, a simpler word presentation, within a complex sentence structure scores better.  
  
This being a general report, you should always be certain about the information you are presenting. Do not use words that can present doubt about your interpretation of the information (ex. rather stable) as that indicates an inability on your part to clearly analyze the data presented in the image.
## In many workplaces, online communication is getting more common than meeting face to face.

  
***Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?***  
  
In many companies,employees tend to exchange words online rather than communicating directly.This notion is believed to have negative impactions due to the fact that some crucial talks may be leaked out easily despite some benefits.  
  
There are two main reasons explained why people prefer to use the online rather than meeting face to face method.One of those is the comfortable that the internet brings which allow people to transmitting their words to their opposite without formal setting.For instance,employers will have to dress formaly and a clean environment when having a direct contact with their boss,however,smart gadgets could delivering messages without concerning about the owners' current situation.As a result,a lot of time is saved and both could feel relaxing meanwhile interacting effectively with each other.  
  
On the other hand,there are many long sitting still being held not only in business but all other industries.This reality reflects the online world as an unreliable method owing to it vulnerable when comes to hacking,scamming and leaking users' information.Google,for instance,had been accused by many that this company tracking people and gathering their data to provide for those who need.Furthermore,by not talking face to face directly,the social bonding skill between humans will be fragile which people would find it difficult to express themselves without the support from the third party.  
  
In conclusion,although there are many benefits of having words through smart gadgets,there are still many potential consequences that are unforseenable.Thus,in order to protect the core information,people should consider other types of communicating rather than the internet.  
  
Thankyou for reading.Feel free to comments and suggest band core if possible!!!!Many thanks
You should aim to write at least 275-290 words for this essay. Writing only the exact minimum word count limits your scoring potential. You need to write at least 275 words so that you can really showcase your writing and comprehension skills. Right now, you wrote the safe word count, which left you with time to review, revise, and edit your essay. Unfortunately, all of the grammar related errors remained unchecked and uncorrected in your presentation. That is definitely not going to be good for your final score. Always remember that you will be scored on the accuracy of your writing. So limit the errors you make as best as you can.  
  
For the reasoning paragraphs, always start with a clear discussion topic as the opening sentence. That way you can focus the discussion properly and create a concretely supported discussion paragraph. Never shift between your actual opinion and the other opinion. Avoid the pitfalls of a comparison essay where one is not warranted. If you wish, you can instead, offer a perceived advantage as the topic sentence then proceed to dismantle the positive to prove that it is a negative by presenting counter evidence in the paragraph.