dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Electricity generation by source in New Zealand and Germany in 1980 and 2010**  
  
A comparison of the information about source of power supply in New Zealand and Germany between 1980 and 2010 is revealed in pie charts. As a general trend, over thirty years of survey, both nations increased the number of electricity generation. The biggest source which was used by New Zealand was coal. Meanwhile, Germany showed difference of their main material for electricity over those years.  
  
It can be seen that, from the beginning until the end of survey, New Zealand chose to use coal. Even though, the proportion almost threefold higher than in 1980. Hydro supply saw a small increase by 16 units while other experienced downward trend. The most significant was taken by natural gas from three in ten then dipped to 20 units. Petroleum decreased steady in same point, though solely at 11 units in 1980.  
  
Germany saw different trend of power supply source. At the beginning survey, four of matters owned by electricity generation, which were natural gas, nuclear, coal, and petroleum. All of them stood at and above two in ten units. In the next thirty years, nuclear became the major of source for electricity generation. Coal and petroleum saw insignificant increase at almost three in ten units while natural gas and hydro dipped to 2 units.  
  
*   
*Electricity generation by source in New Zealand and Germany in 1980 and 2010*
Hai Aini, here is my thoughts  
  
Meanwhile, Germany showed **the** difference of ...  
  
The most significant **(........)** was taken by natural gas ...  
*missing noun*  
  
Petroleum decreased ~~steady~~**slightly** in **the** same point, ...  
steady is inappropriate word because steady means stable  
  
... generation, which ~~were~~**was** natural gas, nuclear...  
*the subject is 'electricity generation' which is singular*  
  
Keep writing Ainun! :)
Meanwhile, Germany showed difference of their main ...  
Directly, you can say Nuclear as the main source of Germany electricity  
  
The most significant DECREASE was taken by ...  
Suggestion:  
I see your explanation is good. However, try to compare the data from New Zealand and Germany because it is possible for you to compare both of them. Furthermore, i cannot find the explanation about the total units between two countries. Try to put the data into your "small data". For instance, in 1980, Hydro supply saw a small increase by 16 OUT OF127 UNITS.  
  
I hope it can be useful for you.  
Goodluck and Keep Spirited
***What are the causes of water scarcity? What are your solutions?***  
  
Many people over the world experienced water sparsity. They are hard to access clean water and some are difficult to find water source in their country. This is because pollutant spread the water sources such as chemical waste on the river. Then, recycling water is offered as the solution by this essay.  
  
One factor caused water scarcity in some regions in the worlds is water pollution. Many things can be a factor to dirty water such as the lack of knowledge of people about the sewage system in which they set it near from water source. As a result, it pollutes water. In addition, an environmental study concluded that 52% water sources in Japan were stained by various factory wastes around them. So that inhabitants could not take water from the river as their water sources.  
  
To overcome water pollution, I think that recycling water is one of the good solutions offered. People can make an invention by using the latest or sophisticated technology. For instance in Jakarta there was a group of students who made a raft of goods to recycle water in an amount of water. For a large quantity, they have to develop it further. In one hand, Australian inventor had made a water recycling which they have recycled their used water to be a clean water for other necessity. Therefore, people may apply their way to conserve water.  
  
To sum up, chemicals from factory or bad sewage system or sanitation may pollute water sources, which will cause water paucity in which lead people to suffer. Thus, recycling used water to use many times can be applied for using water wisely. 274w
Anna, you could score really well in an actual test. In this practice test, your task achievement will be in the range of 6 and above because you were able to properly represent the prompt, offer a solid discussion, and present a commonly known solution to the problem. All of which combine to create a highly responsive essay on your part.  
  
Coherence and Cohesion would be around a 6 as well. You have a logical presentation for your singular solution which has allowed you to better develop your discussion of the solution. While it can still be further developed, the information you currently present works well towards informing the examiner that you have an acceptable grasp of sentence structure and logical discussion formats.  
  
Now, for the lexical resource and grammatical range and accuracy, that would be a 5. You have a lot more work to do in order to overcome the simple words and simple sentence structures that you used in the essay. While there are times when I found myself repeating my reading of your information, I normally managed to understand what you are saying by the second reading. So you did not stress out the reader too much in this instance and you are understandable enough to the other readers.
**What are the causes of water scarcity? What are your solutions?**  
  
In the present, water is the main need of humans, every day they use water approximately 20-50 litre or may be more than that. It is include drink, take a bath, washing and so on. Without water, human's life does not perfect. But with the modern era, crisis of water is rapidly rise and scarcity of water.  
  
There are some reasons, why water is difficult to find. Firstly, the developing of human populations causes water is an extremely use. And it is also needed for industrial, agriculture, environment and companies. Based on Brimingham University Article explained, today the amount of water reached least proportion, approximately 20-30 percent. It is caused the number of people in UK increase 15 percent per year. People should organize their water using.  
  
On the other hand, global warming is one of the reason. Global warming causes change of weather do not based on schedule, such as summer more long than winter. Due to of the reason, when summer water becomes difficult and in several locations have happened dry season. It is refer to explanation of Environmental Agency, they explained drying in some locations in Los Angeles made people lack of water and societies need help of water source. In addition, most companies and inhabitant dispose of household waste or industry source, it make water clean more small to find.  
  
All in all, people must keep their environment and smart to use water in daily activities. If they do not do that, water becomes difficult to find and make it scarcity. (255w).
Reski, the task accomplishment score for your essay would not be higher than a 4. The reason for the score is that you were not able to properly respond to the prompt. You presented enough of the reasons as to why there is a water scarcity problem but you did not offer any expanded explanation regarding possible solutions relating to the water scarcity and increasing demand for water. Coherence and cohesion will most likely fall under a 5 owing to the way that you have some logic to your presentation but sometimes, there is a lack of development in your discussion. The lexical resource scoring would be around a 4 due to the limited vocabulary you have shown Sometimes, your word choices do not help to develop the sentence and instead serves to confuse the reader instead. The grammatical range and accuracy would also be a 4 because your grammar and sentence structure problems causes some strain on the part of the reader when it comes to trying to understand what you have to say. By the way, when you present information in the essay, try to keep it common and easily identifiable. By using information from the UK and its related information, you are showing that you did actual research while writing this essay. There won't be time for you to research during the actual test. So train yourself to think fast and use only commonly known information for your response development. You don't have to be academic in this case. You just need to prove that you can clearly explain your opinion in English.
**The graph below shows the average daily figures for Channel One News over a 12-month period**  
  
A breakdown of the information about the number of daily viewers for 1 pm, 6 pm, 9.30 pm, and 11 pm news in Channel One over a 12-month period is illustrated by the line graph. It can be seen that 11 pm news was launched on 1st May and peaked at August then decreased till the end of the month. 6 pm and 9.30 pm news fluctuated while 1 pm remained stable  
  
From January to April, 6 pm news became the most popular news shown by people about under 5 million in January, and it experienced a fluctuation in the number of watchers. However, at the end of the month gained the highest viewers about above 3 million. Channel One at 9.30 pm increased slightly to under 4 in May while 1 pm remained steady at above 1 million watchers.  
  
On the other hand, 11 pm news which was introduced on May rose over three months and reached a peak at 4 million in August, but in the next four months decreased gradually and bottomed at under 1 million in December. However, 9.30 news least popular on August about 1 million viewers, but the news attracted viewers and got viewers attention on December at the second position which was about 3 million.  
  
*
Hi miss Ifra, Here are my suggestions for you.  
  
It can be seen that 11 pm news was launched on 1st May and peaked at August ...  
try to find the "general trend and the most interesting point" that you earn when you are looking the figures. It should be "more general"  
  
... end of the month(,) IT gained the ...  
... increased slightly to JUST under 4 in May ...  
  
However, 9.30 news WAS least popular on ...  
  
you can mention the data or compare the data without mentioning every data. However, I can't see the clear time explanation in your first body paragraph. your first sentence told that it is "From January to April" then moved to "at the end of the month" then came back again to "From January to April"  
  
I hope it can be useful for you. Goodluck.
A comparison of hourly viewers in millions per day of Channel One News in one year is illustrated in the line chart. Overall, all data showed fluctuation trend except 1 pm that was looked stable in one year. It also can be seen that 6 pm has the highest number of average viewers while although in general 1 pm placed as the lowest, but in the end of the year, 11 pm became the lowest.  
  
It is clear that in the first five months the sequence still same until the appearance of 11 pm news on 1st May. There are many changes of order in August, that was proven by a significant increase of 11 pm into the peak just above four, decreasing of 6 pm to the middle of 3 and four, and a downward movement of 9.30 into a little above one.  
  
After that, these three data had immediately change in the next following months. There is a raise of 6 pm news into 4 and next it went down until November and rose slightly above three in the last month. A moderate change also showed by 9.30 from 2.5 to 3. In contrast, there was a tremendous negative change of 11 pm program into about 25 percent smaller than in august. Then, 1 pm program still in the same trend, just above 1.  
  
*
Hello,  
  
It also can be seen that 6 pm has (**HAD**) << it refers to data time the highest number  
  
... data had immediately change >> (**CHANGED**) in the next following months.  
  
... changes of order in August~~,~~ (no need comma ) that was proven  
  
Thereis(WAS) a raise of 6 pm news into 4  
  
Then, 1 pm program (Missing verb>> WAS ) still in the same ...  
  
Hope those help you  
**GLUCK ^^~**
**Some people think it is a waste of money to establish libraries since the public can use the Internet at home to obtain information, do you agree or disagree?**  
  
There is a people's argument that mention if using home-internet is less costly and more useful rather than build a library that kind of money wasting, because it has the same aim for obtaining information. In my view, I totally disagree, because there are some reasons that make library more precious than just computer. It will be explained more in this essay, but some of main points is about the book value itself, the information's accuracy, even for reducing exhausted feel.  
  
Actually, it is true that constructing library needs more money than just building internet facility. Imagine, in the library we need to build the building itself, buying some books, racks, and boxes, pay the librarian and other workers' salary, even maintenance cost for the literature. In contrast, to build an internet area, just need a hotspot and monthly expenses that really inexpensive. It solely needs Wi-fi transmitter, LAN wire, small amount of electricity, without any devices such as mobile computer because today many people already have it.  
  
However, library actually more beneficial than electronic information. Firstly, is about the worth of literature. Some libraries have ancient books, in order to protect it from damage and perhaps it is no matter will be an evidence for the past knowledge itself that is usually written by eminent past time scientists. Secondly, the trueness of the information. As we know that everybody can post freely without any filter in the internet, even though the information that is given by someone totally wrong. For instance, there are many inaccurate information even people that do not have responsibility for creating totally wrong thread that contains some information. Thirdly, with directly reading books, we can reduce our eyes' pain and tired because computer emits radiation that dangerous for our body, especially our vision.  
  
In conclusion, although building library is more expensive than internet usage, but the benefit really outweigh the drawbacks, because it is too many information that is actually cannot be found throughout online surfing.
**Hello,**  
  
people's argument that mention  
People's argument that mention**S**<< it refers to 'argument'  
  
we need to build the building ...  
Notice the parallel structure  
  
**MISSING VERB** >> library **IS** actually more beneficial ...  
  
... our eyes' pain and tired (needs comma here ) because ...  
  
Hope those help you  
  
**GLUCK ^^~**
**Some people think it is a waste of money to establish libraries since the public can use the Internet at home to obtain information, do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Development of technologies changes the way of looking the information. In the past, people tended to visit library to find subjects, but nowadays people can obtain the information through internet. That is the reason why some people think that building a new library is just wasting money. I totally disagree with this notion because i believe that library provides accurate information through book and convenient place to study  
  
To begin with, the internet becomes the most popular technology used by people to find the information. However, according to the data from information technology management in California, 74 percent of students in California use the internet to accomplish their assignment because internet provides information in many ways such as articles and videos. As a result, looking for information not only from reading but also from watching in visual. Even internet gives complete and complex system than books, establish new library is necessary to provide place to save the collection of books and convenient space to study  
  
Nowadays, the function of library has changed in line with the growth of technology. Library should be established to create the convenient place to study because the Bodleian Library in Oxford recorded 82 percent students come to library not only to find books but also do their assignment or just play computer which is provided by library's management. It proved that library has become a sophisticated place to study even for finding information through books or internet because library can facilitate us.  
  
In conclusion, i strongly believe that library is the place to find the information from books and internet which are provided in the library
**Hi Miss Ifra.  
I have read your essay closely. In this time, I only concentrate on your contents.**  
  
I totally disagree with this notion because i believe that ...  
Honestly, I like your way to write the thesis statement because you briefly explained your reason why you stated like that. However, you are consistent to explain in the body paragraph.  
  
the internet becomes the most popular technology used ...  
You tended to review the benefit of using the internet. You passed the propmpts given. Focus on the statement to deal with the task responses.  
  
Library should be established to create ...  
This seemed as the suggestion, not the reason why you disagree the statemen. You should write  
*The library can become the convenient place for studying.*  
  
In conclusion, i strongly believe that library is the place to find the information ...  
**You have to remember that the conclusion is created from paraphrasing the thesis statement. It is different between the thesis and conclusion.**  
  
*Note: One of the most factors which you have to pay attenttion is your flow. Keep in your mind that your job in the writing task 2 is to communicate with the readers, not to impress them so that you pick up words appropriately to describe what you mind. Besides that, you harness the proper linking words to make your move smoother.  
  
Keep Writing  
GOOD LUCK*
**Hi Miss Ifra.  
I will focus on your grammatical structure and hope it can be helpful for you**  
  
I believe that library provides more accurate information (...) place to study than the internet .  
  
74 percent of students in California useS the internet  
  
Internet is always preceded by article "the"  
  
many kinds of media/material such as articles and videos  
  
looking for information not only from reading but ...  
==> where is your main verb?  
  
to library TO not only ~~to~~ find books but ...  
  
it IS proved that library has become  
  
In conclusion, i strongly believe that library is the place ...  
make sure that paragraph consists of at least 2 sentences.  
  
Goodluck and Keep Spirited
**The pie charts below show electricity generation by source in New Zealand and Germany in 1980 and 2010.**  
  
A comparison of the information about source of electricity generation in Newzealand and Germany in 1980 and 2010 is depicted by the pie charts. Overall, the alteration of total sources in these countries was almost double in 2010. Nuclear power became the main source in Germany while Newzealand took coal as their main source.  
  
To begin with, Newzealand experienced the biggest shift in the electric power source. In 2010, coal produced electricity twofold higher than 1980 which was about 56 units. Natural gas and petroleum source which were 30 and 11 units decreased at 2 units to each source. In contrast, hydro witnessed a slight rose from 30 to 46 units respectively in three decades  
  
In 1980, the deployment of source used in Germany is almost equal, but in 2010, nuclear power gained the biggest units in the source of electric power. Nuclear power increased dramatically from 20 to 155 respectively whereas utilisation of natural gas and hydro which were 28 and 7 went down at 2. When coal did not experience the changing, petroleum rose slightly by 5 units  
  
*
Annisa,  
Here's my analysis towards your report summary of IELTS Task 1. I hope you can follow through.  
  
- ...Germany ~~in~~between 1980 and 2010 is depicted ~~by~~in the pie charts.  
- Overall, it can be seen that the alteration of total sources in ~~these~~those countries was almost doubled in 2010.  
- Nuclear power became the main electricity generation source in Germany while ~~Newzealand~~New Zealand took C oal as ~~their~~its~~main~~primary source.  
  
- To begin with, ~~Newzealand~~New Zealand experienced...  
- ... twofold higher than 1980 ~~which was about~~at approximately 56 units.  
- ... and 11 units decreased ~~at~~by 2 units ~~to~~for each source.  
- ... rose from 30 to 46 units ~~respectively~~ in three decades.  
  
Hope this helps :)
**What are the causes of water scarcity? What are your solutions?**  
  
There are many problems that make water become hard to get. It usually causes by natural condition and people's act. This essay will give explanations about the reason of water scarcity and some solutions that is divided into two kinds of solutions, one is short-term and another is long-term.  
  
In general, weather condition is one of the primary causes that usually makes water hard to find. Nowadays our seasons time is very weird rather than the past time. Sometimes dry season longer than rainy seasons, but it also reverses in the other time. In fact, the anomaly is caused by human behavior for overusing gasoline and creates greenhouse effect that make the weather become unstable. Taken an example of that, people in their activity are mostly use petrol for fulfilling daily needs. The increasing of the number of vehicles as a result of decreasing price makes every people can purchase it. Then, the machine burning process produce smoke that reduce the stability of air substance in the atmosphere, and the worst effect is causing our weather and seasons so unpredictable, and finally it makes some area in the world dry.  
  
So, to solve that, there are many suggestions that is divided into two primary solutions. First is short term solution. Recently, technology had succeeded for discovering helicopter that can produce man-made rain. The aircraft bring a lot of salt, spread in in the sky to make the cloudy become heavy and finally it will produce rainwater. Secondly is long-term solutions. People must reduce the fuel usage to make our weather condition become stable again even predictable. They can convert their energy into electricity that is renewable even cheaper than gasoline and also less-harmful.  
  
All in all, water scarcity can be solved if people are really aware about their behavior to take care their environment.
Hi @faizunaa17, here are my suggestions for you.  
  
It is usually caused by natural condition ...  
  
... causes that usually make~~s~~  
  
Nowadays our seasons ~~time is~~cycles are very weird  
  
make sure that your words/phrase before and after the conjunction are equal. you should write: for overusing gasoline and creating greenhouse effect. But, I suggest you for using complex conjunction rather than compound conjunction.  
  
effect that makes  
  
the increasing ~~of~~ number of the vehicle~~s~~i s a result of the decreasing price which can make~~s~~ every people ~~can~~ purchase it.  
  
... burning process produces smoke that reduce  
  
suggestion:  
try to give an "overview" explanation for your first body paragraph on introductory paragraph  
  
I hope it can be helpful for you.  
Goodluck and Keep Spirited.