dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***Writing IELTS Task 2:  
## Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries.

  
Explain the main causes and effects of this problem, and suggest some possible solutions.***  
  
It is commonly said that obesity in youngsters is increasing becoming a dire problem for numerous nations around the globe. This essay will discuss the main causes of this disease, the severe effects it can bring about, and ultimately, the measures that can be taken to address this problem.  
  
Childhood obesity is attributable to an abundance of factors. One of the main contributors is the inordinate consumption of sugar-containing treats and junk food such as cheeseburgers, hot dogs, and pizzas. Drinking sugary soft drinks also leads to this disease. Furthermore, with the advances in technology in this day and age, adolescents prefer playing computer games or surfing the Internet to doing sports and outdoor activities. This lack of exercise can inevitably contribute to the obesity problem.  
  
The results associated with childhood obesity are abundant and noteworthy. For instance, obese children are at a high risk of getting not only cardiovascular diseases but also cancer or diabetes. Moreover, these youngsters can be susceptible to minor illnesses since they are overweight and unfit. All these troublesome problems will, beyond all dispute, put a strain on hospitals in the foreseeable future.  
  
Due to the many risks caused by obesity, solutions must therefore be come up to tackle the problem. Firstly, it is vital that parents, schools, and governments educate young individuals about this disease. Secondly, the adults should ensure that their children have a healthy diet and the government should limit junk and unhealthy food advertising. Finally, putting restrictions on the time they spend on computers and encouraging them to take regular exercise are also exceptional measures.  
  
In conclusion, despite the severity of obesity, this disease is not impossible to deal with. By analyzing the causes of obesity, optimal solutions can be thought up to keep the problem at bay.  
  
*Thanks for your reading and opinions in advance.*
... discuss the common specific causes and consequences. of this condition as well as how to scientifically address it without any side effect.  
sugar-containing treats and junk food>> processed food, because "cheeseburgers, hot dogs, and pizzas" is primary calory, not sugar  
This lack of exercise can ...>> a sedentary lifestyle can significantly contribute.... (lối sống tĩnh tại)  
  
The children with obesity are able at a higher and earlier risk of getting not only cardiovascular diseases but also cancer or diabetes compare to the same others  
  
minor illnesses>> these youngsters can be susceptible to disease triggers since they are overweight and unfit because of relating to reduce immune system  
due to........ you should review this
## some educationalist think that international exchange visits will benefit teenagers at the school

  
  
Many educationalists believe that foreign interchange assistances will be more advantages to the young generation at the school. Education has no barrier when it exposes to the world it may be the reason for significant developments. .Especially development countries are investing money to research and invent new things to their society. This is not only their achievements also others because if other countries can arrange international exchanging visits with those who develop countries it may be helpful their teenagers furthermore they can absorb their practical and theoretical knowledge easily apart from that. If those visits can arrange with donations it will help who are developing and poor countries moreover. .For instance, most of Europe countries has given opportunities to teenagers from Asian counties for country visits.  
  
Education and motivation seem like two parts but they are incorporating each other because if some child is poor in school motivation is the best solution for that. when arranging foreign visits to the poor child he will be motivated by seeing other children's educational background. Furthermore, If school authority can arrange for those who are poor children give a chance if they can pass the exam with good results to go abroad with the scholarship it will be more effective for teenagers. For instance, some Srilankan children those who pass the grade five exam, they have a chance to visit Japan. Culture varies from county to country. Exchanging international visits are incorporating with every society. It is an advantage to teenagers because in the primary they can observe and learn variations of each society, however, time to time one day they become an elder they have a clear picture about the societies.  
  
In conclusion, international exchange visits more advantages to teenagers.it helps to gain knowledge, self-motivation and study about the cultures.
## The bar chart illustrates the percentage of males and females played 9 different sports in the UK in the year 2008.

  
  
Overall, the percentage of males playing soccer was the biggest while the opposite was true for netball. Whereas Netball was the most popular sport for females. In addition, the biggest difference was in the number of males and females playing netball.  
  
As can be seen from the chart, the percentage of males choosing soccer was approximately 24% while that of females was relatively smaller (about 5%). Also, the figure for other sports among males was 20%, twice as many as that of females. Cricket accounted for 10% and 2% in the percentage of males and females playing sport respectively.  
  
Looking at the chart for more detail, tennis and basketball had the percentage of males and females choosing to play quite equal, around 7%. The figure for Netball among females stood at 25% while that among males was only 1%. The second most popular sport for females was swimming (about 22%). The data of males choosing swimming was relatively smaller (about 14%). In addition, the percentage of males and females were 4% and 3% respectively for jogging.  
  
*
The summary overview has 2 problems:  
- Lack of sports listing based on the image provided  
- Lack of synonym usage for the reference to male and female  
  
There is a questionable reference in your presentation as well. You claim that the chart shows the percentage. However, upon close scrutiny of the provided image, there is no reference to a percentage measurement? Did you just guess that? Do not make any guesses about information. Since this is a data report, it needs to be accurate to the letter. For this report, I will take your word for it and believe that you are referring to percentage measurements, just for the sake of argument.  
  
Save for these observations, I would have to say that your report is accurate enough. It shows a proper range of GRA skills, but lacks in proper synonym usage and sentence structure. There are also situation where you should be using connecting words such as "the" but fail to do so. These are minimal errors that do not impede the understanding of your essay. While there will be some deductions for the sentence structure errors, it will not prevent your essay from achieving at least a passing score.
## **The diagram shows the recycling process of used bottles.**

  
*Please help me check this essay, I really need your help T-T. Thank you a lot!*  
  
The illustration demonstrates the method of how the unused bottles are recycled.  
  
Overall, it is obvious that as is revealed from the diagram, the process involves three separate stages, beginning with the accumulation of wasted bottles and finishing with the delivery of renewing products to the consumers through supermarkets.  
  
The process begins with getting useless bottles together at the collection point and then they are transferred by trucks to take the next step of cycling. Before being classified according to color namely clear, green and brown, they are washed under high pressurized water which takes account for making them clean.  
  
At the following stages, the transportation of those bottles to the recycling plant is taken place. Subsequently, they are heated in the furnace at a high temperature, causing them to become liquefied glass. Following that, there is a merger between the recycled liquid glass and other fresh liquid glass, which are formed in the mold. In the end, the new bottles are fulfilled with the package step and the whole recycling bottle process finalizes before they are distributed to supermarkets.  
  
*
Specificity when describing the image will help with your Task score as the reference to the image allows you to show a better and comprehensive understanding of the English language. A more detailed image description shall help to increase your LR score as well. While you described the image as simply an "illustration", using a more complex description such as "procedural illustration" accomplishes 2 things:  
  
- It helps to show an advanced English vocabulary  
- It gives an accurately detailed description of the image provided in a manner that is not close in any way, to the original prompt description  
  
Your trending statement and first procedure paragraph are composed mostly of long sentences that try to combine more than 1 discussion point in the presentation. Split these up into proper simple and complex sentence to help improve your GRA score. Use a balanced mix of 3-5 sentences in the paragraphs to offer yourself a better chance at clearly explaining the image and, increasing your C&C score. These will be supported by a higher TA score in the process.  
  
Since there are steps being depicted in the image, you should use alternative words for "steps" in the paragraphs to differentiate and lead the reader through the first to last production process. Words such as action, mode, or set-up would have been excellent alternative word descriptors for "steps". Using varied vocabulary for the same word will always help improve your LR score as you manage to prove your actual English word familiarity level in relation to proper word meaning usage (beginner, intermediate, advanced).
## As computers are being used more and more in education, there will be soon no role for teachers

  
  
It is believed that due to the immense technological advancement, computers and other cutting-edge facilities will be substituted for the role of teacher. I partly concur with this statement. It is undeniable that updated devices such as computers conduce to the achievement of education, nevertheless, it would replace the teacher in educational institutions.  
  
There is no exaggeration that a huge number of people rely on computers for researches and to produce perfect paper owing to its convenience and friendly usage. Within some simple steps, students can seek for everything, this means that a pupil can polish acquisition of knowledge without any assistants. Moreover, the Internet also aids adolescents to progress in their studies quicker than in an original classroom. For instance, in a classroom, some students have a better understanding than the others are tied to slow progression compared with their grasp. They may feel tired to death of paying attention to tedious lectures that they have already known. However, with computers, they can easily learn numerous gripping grounding in their favorite topics.  
  
On the other hand, the role of teachers is an essential stimulus to the development of education. Even though a computer can supply thousands of knowledge, it cannot acknowledge the strength and weaknesses of students and then give them advice or repeated explanation to ameliorate their grasp. For example, I am inferior to my classmates so whenever I cannot come up with the answer to something or I have no idea regarding what definition of a new thing is, it is much helpful for me to consult a tutor than a computer.  
  
In conclusion, computers are such amusing cutting-edge equipment that is one of the most crucial elements to the education's achievement. Nevertheless, it cannot be substituted for the position of teacher. Every student ought to consider utilizing consulting a teacher or a computer base on their own capacity.
Hi, I have some suggestions for you.  
- your introduction has a confusing error. Having read the entire essay, I can see that you agree partly with the statement. However, the last sentence does not represent your neutral position as it doesn't say that teachers won't be replaced. I guess you mean: " while It is undeniable that ... of education, it would not replace the teacher ...  
  
- you have created excessive sentences. You should try to make your sentence shorter and more coherent.  
- Your conclusion lacks reasons why technology can not replace teachers.  
Hope my advice useful!
## math and computing skills are essential

  
  
Several people believe that Maths is regarded as an indispensable and pivotal factor in the success of entrepreneurs. In my perspective, I am in agreement with this, although it is not necessary to master the mathematical skills; however, at least basic ones  
  
On the one hand, the proficient combination of a wide range of sophisticated skills from relevant areas of specialization is always highly appreciated once reminding the successful business practices. For instance, some prominent skills such as problem-solving skills, critical-thinking skills, expert knowledge, and establishing a long-term relationship with patrons or potential customers are a firm foundation to generate customer's credibility and faithfulness instead of just concentrating on formulating your business.  
  
However, the prerequisite of an entrepreneur to embark on the business is the mathematical capability to anticipate the market trend in order to determine whether it is a strategic and lucrative decision to invest or not. Moreover, processing an accurately and promptly calculating competence brings about a competitive advantage in establishing the operating schemes as well as optimizing the profit and minimizing the expense, which contributes to sustainable prosperity. If there will be no ability to deal with the numbers, the owners would be more likely to encounter troubles regarding human resources. It is obvious that how to prevent the possibility of a number of persons taking advantage of their position as founding members to deceive and misappropriate capital and assets of other persons, especially persons lacking knowledge and experience is impossible with calculating skills.  
  
In conclusion, nevertheless, it is evident that computing skills are served as one of the essential abilities, i also acknowledge that other social and logical-thinking skills are also equally important.
I think there are some problems in your paragraph  
First, your opinion in the paraphrase seems to be unrelated to your paragraph. In the paragraph, you agreed with the belief that math is essential but it is not the only way to become successful in business. However, in the paraphrase, you just said that people need to know math, at least the basic one, which will make the readers become confused.  
  
Second, you have to add the sentence in the second paragraph to show that math is not the only way to become successful. Your second paragraph didn't indicate that and this makes readers think you are writing something unrelated to the question  
  
That is all my opinion, I hope it will help you.
## Working and Studying from home

  
  
In the era of information technology, the innovation of distant working and learning has become a more and more preferable tendency these days, namely because of its convenience and economical features. From my perspective, I hold the point of view that such trend is regarded as a human breakthrough in the days of industrialization, considering following culprits.  
  
In the first place, online working and studying forum can save the budget for both the government and nation. They do not need to settle the infrastructure to operate such sites; therefore, more room might be taken for other purposes. In fact, a great deal of deposit is accounted for paying daily fees of electricity, water, paper,... in the process of operating a workplace. Distant doings are likely to break these limits without putting down the working quality.  
  
In addition, working from home coincides with the fact that we are bound to accomplish a number of tasks at the same time. For instance, officers or kids can have brunch while working without fear of being disciplined. Also, flexibly completing multi tasks in one time contributes to assort time wisely, which means we are more relieved, in the mentality respect. Hence, in the long run, it is viewed at ease that the quality level of work may be boosted as well.  
  
On the other hand, there emerges some controversy around the possibility of being unable to manage and supervise members. Nevertheless, I strongly believe that in the days of modernization, there are numerous applications that will help us in the distant management department, as long as directors and managers have a specific schedule. Teachers are also capable of keeping in touch with parents to be aware of their offsprings instead of going to school.  
  
In a nutshell, I claim that the trend of working and studying from our own accommodation is a potential development in our modern days, but people need to have proper managing disciplines in order to maintain the most efficient outcome.
Your first sentence is a run-on sentence that should have been divided into 2 parts:  
1. Restated topic sentence  
2. Reason for the discussion topic  
  
These should not have been mixed into one sentence as combining 2 ideas that discuss different themes make the presentation confusing or forgettable to the reader. Always separate the sentence content in your presentations. I am not sure what you are trying to state in the third sentence. You need to identify if this is a positive or negative development in the discussion. You should also make sure that you use the correct word representations throughout the essay. A culprit is a person who has committed an offense or a crime. Such serious vocabulary usage errors will definitely not help your LR score.  
  
You have to properly format the discussion paragraph within only 275-290 words due to the 40 minute time limitation. One clearly discussed work from home reference in a completely developed paragraph, then another one showing the merits of study from home would have been a better presentation for this essay. As it is, you did not defend your topics with supporting reasons and opinions. You just presented discussion topics, leading to under developed paragraph presentations. You need to learn to express yourself in complete thought presentations. Not scattered references that do not collectively create a believable discussion presentation. Focus on clarity instead of word count.
## Ielts academic task 2 - art topic

  
  
*Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time  
Discuss both sides and give your opinion.*  
  
The highly controversial topic in terms of education currently relates to what extent art subjects should be remarked in academia. one commonly held idea advocates the obligation of these particular disciplines, while many consider core subjects to be more important. in this essay, i am going to shed some light on the question from both points of view and then give my own opinion on the matter.  
  
Firstly and most obviously, integrating arts with other subjects can significantly help raise achievement levels. That is these classes enable students to develop greater perspective as well as creativity before accelerating problem-solving skills linked to improved literacy or even numeracy abilities. for those who are academically weaker, inventive classes may correspondingly serve as alternative learning pathways. In point of fact, countless surveys sing the praises of excellent performances in non-art subjects, like english and maths when it comes to the merits of being accessed to these artistic basement. Then again, mandatory art lessons are without doubt advantageous to pupils in the long term.  
  
nevertheless, the side aspect that should not be overlooked is that advancements from graphic disciplines are usually lost by artistically incompetent individuals. will they be implemented compulsory for all schools, many half-hearted may see them as a chore due to the indifference to art and culture in the first place. Subsequently, no sooner had the bare minimum simply been made in order to gain a pass than apathetic people spend the remaining time chattering away with peers. while some will probably not get enough credits in those excessive schoolwork rather than reaping any useful knowledge.  
  
taking everything into consideration, allowing students to experience alternations is a wise move as non-academic understanding might inspire them to properly utilise their time and the school's resources. In the same fashion, those electives should be treated more as extra curricular and be going on after school. as a result, an interesting and less distracting environment is able to approach a noteworthy concentration on schoolwork and of course superior academic performance.  
  
In conclusion, it is high time for institutions to introduce flexible programs with a bunch of diverse majorings that adapt each extraordinary talent.
Avoid making exaggerated claims in your prompt paraphrase. The examiners view these sensationalist exaggerations as misleading information that is never included in the original prompt reference. I understand that you want to make an exciting restatement of the prompt, but misleading the reader is not the way to do it. You are scored on your restatement accuracy so these over the top claims ( highly controversial topic) does more harm than good to your TA score. Although you had a good reference to the discussion method required, the hyperbolic claim is what will lower your TA score.  
  
You must stop making distorted claims (most obviously) in your essay. Specially in your reasoning paragraph. While fake news may the latest trend in journalistic writing, it will not help you when writing an academic paper. You are using a trigger tone, rather than an academic tone in your writing. The latter is what you are aiming for, the former, is what will irritate the examiner enough to make you fail the test.  
  
You are careless in your writing. Note that you do not start the first word of every paragraph with a capital letter, which is one of the basic tenets of English writing. You will definitely receive a failing GA score because of this lack of attention to details in your writing. I do not even think you are trying to pass the test at this point. You have done the exact opposite, in this presentation, that an exam taker would be doing if he wanted to pass the test.