dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Question:**  
*Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment.*  
  
## Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

  
  
**My answer:**  
  
There is an obvious statement that criminals must be punished. However, the question about the method of deciding the punishment has raised two different opinions. The first one is that each type of crime has its own unchanged punishment; while the other one takes into account the situations and the reasons of the crime. I will analyze these two ideas and give my opinion.  
  
For the first solution, there is a list of crimes and a list of corresponding punishments. If one person commits a crime, it will be simple to find the consequence of that action. For example, if a man killed a woman, according to this opinion, it is inevitable that there is death punishment for that man. However, because of its simplicity, this death punishment might be not accurate if that man had chronically mental illness and he could not control his action. Consequently, this simple solutions has its own flaws and should be modified.  
  
On the other hand, the second solution considers additional factors of a crime such as the situations and the motivation of an individual crime to conclude the extent of the retribution. As in the previous example, it depends on the way and the reason the man killed his victim, the punishment on him can become more serious or less. For instance, if he did not deliberately killed her, in other words, he killed her by accident, the punishment should be lessened. Because of accuracy, this solution requires more efforts on investigation and is more complicated than the first approach.  
  
In summary, the two opinions have their own advantages and disadvantages. For the sake of justice, my own opinion is that the second argument is more appropriate and accurate than the other one.
The problem with your presentation is that you made all of the opinions appear to come from your personal point of view. This discussion format requires you to use group pronouns in the public opinion discussion. Then, you have to use a clear reference to first person pronouns within your point of view. The use of the pronouns will help clarify the discussion and create a coherent move from one opinion to another.  
  
You cannot avoid using pronoun references as these will be scored as a part of your GRA abilities. While others tell you that using pronouns should be avoided at all times, the fact that the pronouns are a part of the general writing rules in the English language and, you are scored on proper grammar rules knowledge and usage makes the use of pronouns vital in this type of discussion.  
  
This should have been a 5 paragraph essay. However, since you seem more comfortable using the 4 paragraph format, you should have presented a longer discussion paragraph as you would have needed to:  
  
- Present a topic sentence referring to the public point of view  
- Discuss a reason the public supports this point of view  
- Oppose the point of view with a personal opinion  
- Given a reason why your opinion is correct  
- Use an example to further explain your opinion  
- Transition to the next POV discussion  
  
Basically, your paragraph format would go from the 5 sentence presentation to the 6 sentence presentation. You write as much as 8 sentences if necessary, but not more than that. You would risk deviating from the discussion or, you could start to make grammatical and vocabulary errors. The 8 sentence format would be a good format for you to follow if you feel confident in your English vocabulary and writing skills. Writing more in a relevant manner will definitely increase your overall scoring possibility.
***People think that government should increase the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles to solve environmental problems.  
## Give your opinion.***  
  
In the modern world, people have been facing many environmental damages caused by gas emissions from private transport. Many are of the view that increasing the cost of gas may be a feasible solution for this problem, and the government should implement this plan to protect the environment. I firmly agree that this measure would have an impact on the way we use vehicles. This essay is to present the observations about my point of view.  
  
On the one hand, one of the major contributors that lead to pollution is gas emissions from private transport, especially in big cities. If the government raises the prices of fuel, it will affect people dramatically in the way they transport. Instead of using cars for transportation, there would be many different choices they could choose from to reduce the costs. For a prime example, buses or subway might be considered because of the convenience and popularity. This measure would help to ease traffic flow in urban areas so that it could reduce the total amount of gas emissions.  
  
On the other hand, an increase in the prices of gasoline can trigger automobile manufacturers to change vehicle prices in the way they can gain profits. Consumers will have to pay more to purchase a vehicle; this means they need to make a wise decision when choosing a car if they want to have more disposable income to use for other purposes. Inevitably, the fall in manufacturing output of the auto industry is a scenario which could be expected. This method could be considered a sustainable approach in an effort to reduce greenhouse gas, which dramatically influences the environment.  
  
To sum up, people are living in a polluted world caused by gas emissions. In this regard, increasing the cost of gasoline could be a suitable way for the government to answer the big question about environmental protection.
Was this written for the Task 2 IELTS Essay test? Kindly remember to indicate if this is an English exercise or a practice test so that I will be able to give you the most applicable and focused advise next time. For now, I'll be focusing on what I can without concentrating on any particular English test or exercise. Also, post the full prompt next time as I do not believe that what you provided is the correct, complete, and most accurate representation of the original prompt.  
  
What I can see is that you did a comparative discussion of the possible reasons to (not) support the given discussion topic. If the prompt allows you to use a comparative discussion then that is alright. However, the discussion still asks you to present a solid opinion at the end. You did not deliver a true opinion, based on the comparative discussion you presented. So your writing actions could probably be only partly correct. It can only be fully correct if you presented a solid and singular personal opinion within the presentation.  
  
You need to have a proper representation of your personal opinion by presenting your discussion using a first person pronoun. You have to show that you have a background of or knowledge regarding English writing rules, regardless of whether it be in UK or American English. You must ensure that you show your proper academic writing abilities by presenting your opinion in the proper manner. In this instance, you should have an extra paragraph that will help the reader understand what your actual point of view is, based upon the comparative discussion points you presented. You should never make it a habit to present that as a one liner in the conclusion. You have to develop your response completely. That means you need to present:  
  
- Your opinion  
- Your primary reason for believing this  
- An example that proves your point  
- An expanded explanation based on the sample  
- Your transition sentence  
  
Without knowing the full qualifications for this essay, I would say that you did an acceptable job, but you fell short in some areas of the presentation. I indicated how that happened above.  
  
With regards to your vocabulary, your word choices are good, but not really within the expectations for this type of essay. You should be using simpler words that would help the presentation feel more naturally written as opposed to using complicated words that do not really work well in meaning with the overall sentence presentation.
## 'man make homes women make houses'

  
  
It is widely accepted that "man make homes women make houses". In medieval aeon, where men needed to fulfil financial culpabilities and women tend to known as domestic engineers that time, motherhood was more emphasise; however, scenario has been completely changed since last few decades. Ostensibly, I postulate that to raise a child, both fathers and mothers role is equally significant. In this essay, I will be delineating on that viewpoint.  
  
Whilst ,considering recent times scenario where women are not bound to four walls and started earning like. Likewise, man has started sharing household duties. In this case there should be joint agreement about raising a child and dividing tasks. Such as : to pick up a child from school, making him do his homework, changing diapers, and so forth. Father is doing all his moral duties to raise a child. Moreover, to nurture kid properly, economic stability is prerequisite .So instead of, only deciding by lady, it may discussed with male figure and then come to conclusion about conceiving baby.  
  
Another perspective of mine is, although women tend to suffer more both mentally and physically during pregnancy. Albeit, to cultivate good frame of mind on juvenile ,both parents presence place indispensable part. For an instance mother can imprint value of relations, cleanliness and other essential daily skills. Whereas, fathers impose hardships, patience and professional dexterity. Hence, rather than defining to only one person to raise a child, it is necessary to have both parents influence to make munchkin not only emotionally but also physically capable.Otherwise,It may deteriorate child's growth.  
  
Thus to recapitulate this essay, despite of, abolish an idea of putting whole amenability on women's shoulder. It is time to recognize pivotal role played by father too.
Hi! After reading carefully your essay, I would like to give you some comments.  
Firstly, I was confused in the second paragraph or the body 1. It seems to be lack of coherence among sentences  
- dividing tasks~~. S~~uch as => diving tasks such as...  
and then, when you want to write about another case that father takes the main role of nurture kids and mother is responsible for earning money, you should have a connective word such as "In another case"... While you analyze your point, you should demonstrate how these can support for the topic sentence.  
  
it may be discussed  
Entire the essay, you have a lot of mistakes related to grammar.  
Moreover, the way you put commas, punctuations have problems too.  
- despite ~~of, abolish~~ => abolishing an idea of putting *the* whole ... shoulder~~. It~~ => , it is time to ...
Wow! You are using so many archaic words in his essay that the examiner will definitely see how you are trying to impress him with your memorized knowledge of the English dictionary. I do not mean that in a good way. Your essay sounds like you are orating rather than giving a modern day opinion of the discussion topic. You are not writing an 18th century paper. So why are you trying to sound like one? There is no natural sound to this paper at all. You are going to have the examiner reaching for a dictionary, trying to figure out what it is you are trying to say. As others would say, SPEAK ENGLISH! When that is said, you should know that you went overboard with your dictionary usage. That, is the main problem with your first paragraph. You will not score better for using obsolete English words. Throw away the dictionary and use everyday English words. You will score better in the LR and GRA section if you are better understood using modern English words. You will score less using ancient English because you just may end up using it in the wrong or an exaggerated manner. I know the words you used sounded impressive, but that is not enough reason to use such hyperbolic words in an essay that looks at how you use everyday English to express yourself.  
  
Listen, make your opinion clear at the very beginning. Simply state if you agree or disagree with the essay. It will be better for your score to have a definite position rather than straddling the line. The examiners score you on the clarity of your position. That means, you pick one side and stick to it. Either you agree or disagree with the presentation. If you say that you agree with both sides, or that the discussion of both sides are balanced, then you do not have a clear opinion. You only have reasoning considerations, which are totally different from having an opinion. It like you are saying "Yes but no." In which case, the question becomes "So which is it? Yes or no?" See? There is no opinion response provided, only a consideration response. Both your reasons will be better scored if you can present both a public and personal opinion that shows the strength of your belief in your opinion.
***Some people claim that museums and art galleries are not needed today because everyone can see historical objects or art works by computer.*  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
In modern times, many people believe museums and exhibitions are no longer necessary since they can appreciate such artefacts online. I would have to say I strongly err on the side of disagreeing with this suggestion.  
  
Museums and galleries are a means to conserve antique and historical items. They are not only a paragon of beauty but also a mark of rich and varied culture since online observers can easily be confused a work of art with its origin. The Lourve, for instance, is the world's largest museum and historical monument, housing over 380000 objects ranging from Mona Lisa to Great Sphinx of Tanis. Moreover, without museums and associated places, tourists would have no culturally and historically important destinations to visit, and, more seriously, local children would not have any chance to witness what they have theoretically learnt at school  
  
To fully appreciate art, one must observe the entirety of the genuine piece, rather than the digitalized version of it. It is not through a screen that the harmony of colours or the shifting of emotions can truly be understood. In addition, museums and the likes provide people with exquisite experience, namely the nostalgia of historical times, that electronic devices cannot suffice. Memorial houses and art museums offer first-hand experience to visitors so that they can sense the atmosphere of historical events and people as well as contemplate artistic masterpieces with their bare eyes.  
  
In conclusion, even though the online-based information is a great way to learn about historical works and objects, museums and exhibitions are still important for real experience and irreplaceable.
You have written a good piece that is only marred by your vocabulary usage. You have chosen words that you hope would increase your LR score rather than choosing words that would better suit the simplicity of the discussion. In which case, you ended up using words in the wrong manner, thus reducing your LR and GRA score instead. Whoever told you that you have to use complex vocabulary to get a good score was incorrect. You need to use natural sounding vocabulary that makes the sentence easy for the reader to understand. Using archaic words such as "err" , which actually misdirected your response, making it confusing to understand, looks good on paper, but may not be good for the meaning of the presentation.  
  
Both your reasoning paragraphs focused only on trying to use vocabulary in an impressive manner rather than presenting a clear and well developed essay discussion per paragraph. This further added to the reader's confusion when it came to trying to understand what you had to say. For example, in paragraph 2, you should have presented sentence 3 before sentence 2. Reverse the positions and you will find that your discussion would have been better supported by the example and your meaning would have been clearer upon the first reading of the passage. The same problem exists for paragraph 3. These are the primary reasons why your essay will leave the examiner thinking that your essay is under developed and lacking in explanation. Your vocabulary usage isn't the only scoring consideration. Balance your focus for each scoring aspect. One is no more important than the other. Each contributes to your increased scoring potential.  
  
You misspelled Louvre as Lourve. See? Even with your heavy focus on vocabulary, the lack of spell checking resulted in your misspelled word. Do not under estimate the importance of spellchecking and content editing. These could help you pass the test in the future.  
  
Kindly review he opening restatement and concluding summary requirements. Both need to have at least 3 sentences in the presentation. They have similar functions in the presentation, except the latter is a reverse summary of the former. You need to summarize the preceding discussion for the concluding summary.
## Basic right to receive health services

  
  
An individual's health plays an indispensable part of nation's prosperity which is why it is cited by many that medical services should be of no charge irrespective of its quality.I partially agree with this. As I postulate, that general basic medical care should be free from charges. However ,some advanced treatment which are pivotal should not be compromised only due to monetary aspects.  
  
Undoubtedly, in every country there are class of people whose financial situation are not well enough that they afford even rudimentary consultation charges of doctors.This lead to economic deprived people not seeking medical treatment. So either there situation get worse due to no medication or if it's contagious then wide spread of disease occur.In both cases, this perilous situation proves catastrophic not only for that person but also for nation. Hence, to mitigate this condition, it is advisable to give fundamental treatment without asking for money from patient.  
  
To shade some light on other perspective, this contemporary aeon have witnessed new fatal diseases such as: cancer aids, endocrine disorders, and so forth.For a diagnostic and prognostic purpose, latest equipment and medicine is required.As New Armamentarium's price is exorbitantly high, for authorities to pay for this or to exclude this facilities from needy people is cumbersome.So, bureaucrat should find some alternative options , like various schemes or discount to muddle through this state of turmoil.  
  
Thus, to recapitulate this essay, although for many healthy and taxpayers citizens this idea me seem trivial albeit , to view things on wider scale , it is basic right for any human being to take health services. Nonetheless, it should be in proper way otherwise it will be like blessings in disguise.
The problem with your point of view is that you still did not come to a solid conclusion or decision with regards to the question provided. To what extent do you agree OR disagree? By the end of your discussion, you should be agreeing or disagreeing with the given point of view. You are scored based on your ability to make a decision and defend your opinion based on the extent of your knowledge regarding the topic.  
  
The extent of your knowledge will be scored based on the following discussion portions or reasoning paragraphs (in no particular order):  
  
- Your personal knowledge that will support your given position (extent of agreement or disagreement. Pick one only)  
- The commonly known information that you can present which further supports your point of view. (One point of view only that corresponds to the response you gave (extent of dis/agreement)  
  
The essay is testing your ability to use various words that will depict your range of vocabulary based on the given discussion instruction. It also assess your ability to analyze a complicated question. This essay is the most confusing for students to write because they always refuse to take a clear position on the given topic. A clear position is based on a singular point of view. All agree or disagree essays are single point of view presentations. These are 4 paragraph essays that require you to learn how to make a decision and discuss it based on reasons, examples, and opinions (both public and personal) in a cohesive and coherent manner in the essay. Your essay failed to do that.
I read it and as per my restricted knowledge, You are using too much vocab!  
Please don't try to use so much vocab assuming you will gain extra points of it. if you had used some common but not so common words, this essay will be very much better.  
  
For example, I would put intro as below(I am assuming question to be " Every country should have a free health service even if this means that the latest medical treatment is costly, what is your view)  
  
There is not doubt that healthcare is the most important agenda of any country. There is a view that it should be made available for free to all citizens without any restrictions, I would argue that medical support should be made free to a certain extent. In this essay, I will elaborate my opinion with examples.
@Bhavi  
Hi,  
  
Please have a look on the documents which is used for IELTS corrections.  
Lexical resources is the category which includes vocabulary and as per lot of high ranked Ielts teachers on sites like Liz, Ieltsteacher.com and so on, it get easy for the marking officer to detect that your vocab is not to fill the space but to attract them, so it negates more then helping. It leaves the impression on officer that you most likely have overdone it and used incorrect synonyms.
**## Recently, abortion increases rapidly and becomes a controversial topic.

  
*Some people suppose that abortion should be legal while others are against it.  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.***  
  
In the recent years, there are has been rise in numbers of women aborting the unborn child. While some people believe that abortion itself should be banned, However, I would argue that abortion should be made legal but only in certain cases. In this essay, I will discuss both sides and elaborate my opinion.  
  
On the one side, there is view that abortion should be illegal due to number of problems, one of most important being unborn child's sex preference. This is a problem because, there has been huge fall in population of female in certain countries as certain illiterate people prefer to give birth to a boy over a girl and do not hesitate to murder the unborn just for sake of choice. As an example, in country India, 1 Million female fetus have been aborted in last decade as the mother's preferred to give birth to a boy and this female fetus abortion number is continuously rising every single day.  
  
Nevertheless, in my opinion abortion should be made legal but only in certain cases. Not everyone is ready to give birth to a child. For instance, there have been several cases in which minors were raped, which lead them to pregnancy. As per the research there is higher chance of unborn loosing life during delivery if the mother is minor. In addition, as it is increasingly common for teenagers these days to have pre-marital physical relationship with their partners and certain times under the influence of alcohol or emotions they end up with pregnancy burdens. Which is a problem, the only solution to this is abortion as minors cannot be pushed to give birth when they themselves are not experienced and settled in their lives.  
  
In conclusion, While some people abortion to be banned to issues like female feticide, I argue that it should be made legal but only in certain situations where the mother is not mentally and physically prepared to give birth to the child.