dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hi Josh, since you are asking to have your test scored, I prefer to do it on an individual basis so that you will know exactly where your strong and weak points are. Let's get started below:  
  
TA - 6 - Paragraph 4, your personal opinion, should have explained why you do not believe that parents should be blamed for the rise in obesity among children. You need to counter the public point of view in order to convince the reader that your personal opinion is the correct one.  
  
C&C - 6 - There are times when the length of your sentences hinder the understanding of your presentation. While you discuss only one topic within the paragraphs, the lack of rest points in the paragraph for the reader makes the passage difficult to follow thus making it confusing to read at times.  
  
LR - 6 - Your lexical resource for the English language is intermediate. You know enough to get your point across but your word choices lack a complexity that would offer the idea that you have an increased English vocabulary capacity.  
  
GRA - 5 - You are attempting to use complex sentences but end up presenting run-on sentences instead. Always divide your sentences into short but informative presentations. Your run-on sentences are created by your use of commas to connect your thoughts in the sentence, even if the ideas are not connected and should be presented individually instead. Limit your sentences to 5 informative presentations that do not over discuss the topic.  
  
This is not a bad first attempt. You could probably score a 6.5 for this type of writing. That means you have the potential to reach your target score of 8 if you can improve your lexical resources, develop better sentence presentations, and learn to create highly informative paragraphs that do not ramble on. Keep writing. I have a feeling you will reach your target score sooner rather than later. I look forward to helping you achieve that.
Question:  
## People in the community can buy cheaper products nowadays.

  
***Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?***  
  
My Essay  
  
For the time being, with the development of globally trading markets, low-cost goods are being bought by people all over the world. Although it remains a negative aspect, I still believe that the benefits invariably surpass the drawbacks.  
  
On one hand, the downside of cheap products cannot be denied. Firstly, low prices almost come along with low qualities. For instance, when numerous electronic devices from China first broke into Europe, customers immediately realized that those were easily damaged and their durability was obviously shorter than the high price ones in dispute. Moreover, the manufacturers might minimalize production cost by several harmful methods and pollute the environment. In 2014, a Taiwan company in Formosa Industrial Zone located in Vietnam were prohibited due to millions of tons of sewage which directly and adversely affected the local ocean ecosystem as well as the life and health of the inhabitants.  
  
On the other end of the spectrum, there are many merits that outweigh demerits. Initially, people from all walks of life are able to experience commodities which they have never thought about before. People who are under the average poverty line now can purchase smarts TV for entertainment or computers for their children. This certainly increases the living standards of the poor. Furthermore, cheap goods create fair competitions among brands and stimulate the productivity of them. For example, in the car industry, people now have endless choices including triumph entry-level cars from India or Russia. That fact is a concern for many other brands to confront with, therefore they may come up with some revolutionary changes to overhaul the production's process and management.  
  
In conclusion, in spite of the disadvantages of the cheap products, their advantages are more vital to our world today. However, governments should carry on some solutions to tackle the negative problems mentioned above.  
  
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Please help me progress my writing. I really appreciate your opinions. Thanks a lot in advance.
Mark, while your argument is good, for this type of essay it is important to use an example that could be perceived to disadvantageous by some, but advantageous to most. That means, for this discussion, the sample you used about the cellphones should have been used for both the advantage and disadvantage.  
  
Remember that when you discuss a comparison essay, the same subject must be used in order to present a stronger opinion regarding the topic. You should have said that while the products from China do have its problems, the fact that it made branded products more affordable to people due to cheap labor and parts made the disadvantage and advantage for most. Right now, your discussion is not balanced because you use 2 different discussions to represent an opinion.  
  
Unfortunately, the opinion is inconsistent in discussion. All task 2 essays are single opinion essays. Single opinion essays are always strongest when focusing on only one discussion topic instead of several. This is a good attempt at writing the Task 2 essay, but it could have been better developed and written. Your thoughts are clear an understandable and you would have gotten at least a passing score for this essay because your TA is acceptable and your C&C would have gotten a good rating along with a decent GRA and LR score as well. All of these would have gotten at least a passing score in consideration.
## Unbiased webs search results

  
Two authors Eli Pariser and Andreas Ekström announce how search engines work and the way the search results are determined. The fact of the matter is that the Internet users can influence the search results or change them.  
  
Eli Pariser claims that the Internet is important for democracy and society in general. Moreover, according to Pariser, a web is a connection of the world and people together. Additionally, he notices that Facebook and Google conduct an "invisible, algorithmic editing of the web". This means that if two people search simultaneously for the same information, they might get different results. Therefore, there are no objective search results and idea of unbiased search results is a myth.  
  
Andreas Ekström supports this suggestion and explains that everyone can write a code and fix it. He compares two situations as an example. First situation happened with Michelle Obama. She was a victim of a racist campaign, and her face in the picture was distorted, but the results were self-cleaned. The second situation was connected with a terrorist. People made a protest to insult him in his search results and found a picture of the dog poops then file name was changed into the terrorist name. This time Google did not intervene, because the authority of a person has played a role.  
  
Overall, I would say that Internet users should be aware of the flow of information on the Internet and they should not accept its isolation as a pure fact. On the other hand, society needs Web resources to acquaint people with new conception and perspectives. Furthermore, I believe that it will serve humanity and enhance its opportunity.
Antonija, I do not feel that your interpretation of the article is complete. Somehow, it seems that you missed out on a few elements of the discussion which may have strengthened your comparison essay. There should be some overlapping points where the writers agreed or collectively disagreed with an idea pertaining to the discussion. While the flow of the discussion seems smooth, there is a lack of transition in the presentation that should have connected the two discussion paragraphs. Maybe I need to read the original article(s) so that I can figure out where this discussion is supposed to head. As stand alone paragraphs, you presented good discussions. As a collective discussion, it feels wanting in development and discussion presentation. If the discussion had a better comparison presentation by applying some of the thoughts of one author to the example provided by the other, then perhaps there would have been more substance to the presentation and a better understanding of the given discussion points.
## IELTS Book 8 Wrting Task 2 Test 2

  
  
Question:  
*Nowadays the way people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or a negative development?*  
  
Answer:  
Yes, with the reference to the present technology, the methodology of interacting with individuals have changed through time. It has both positive and negative influence on the kinds of relationships people create these days.  
  
Decades back when communicative devices were not invented, people used to communicate with each other by writing letters from one place to another. In some cases, if the letter had to be dropped to far away lands, it would take few days or weeks or even a month or two. Presently, an individual's access to other people has extended widely all due to the flourishing technology. Firstly, the innovative gadgets have effortlessly made it easier for people to interact with others residing on any nook and corner of the globe which has given ways of perceiving each other's cultural disparity. Secondly, there are several social networking sites and applications such as Facebook, Instagram, WeChat, etc which has enabled people to make new friends anytime. Finally, technology has fostered the efficiency of people who are involved in specific businesses. Internet has become a magnificent source of advertising their products and also in gaining online customers. For an instance, many entrepreneurs have been successful in attracting their products to the customers by using their expertise in maintaining professional relationships with customers via internet such as "Daraz" i.e an online shopping application.  
  
On the contrary, it is depressing to note that people have started urging for validation from social networking sites. Their level of happiness has solely become dependent upon the number of likes and comments they acquire on their posted pictures or videos. Moreover, people are connected to millions of users across the globe but virtual interactions cannot justify the significance of a real conversation. While, scrolling down to the list of hundreds of friends, there may be very limited amount of people to whom an individual looks up to in the real world. People's negligence of their surrounding loved ones due to their obsessiveness to technology has been realized these days. Furthermore, chances of scams and fraudulent accounts are very high which might make people fall under heinous cyber crimes all because of trusting a deceitful account.  
  
Thus, technology have had both positive as well as negative enhancement to the kinds of relationships people make these days.
Ashis, even though this is a direct response essay, you are still expected to properly summarize and paraphrase the original prompt as the introduction paragraph for your presentation. Your straightforward response is delivered as the thesis statement, in the form of a response at the end of the paraphrase. That means, your first paragraph presentation is incomplete.  
  
The main error in your response is that you chose to discuss this as a comparative point of view essay when this is a single opinion focused essay. All Task 2 essays are single opinion presentations unless you are asked to discuss both points of view in the instructions. Without that clear phrase instructing you to use points of view, you are supposed to pick one side to strongly defend in the essay. So you will not score as highly as you could have with this presentation because you did not pick a clear opinion to defend within your 2 paragraph reasoning presentation.  
  
In addition to that, your summary conclusion is incomplete in a similar manner to your opening paraphrase. There is no paraphrase of the reasoning discussion and a restatement of the original prompt. So you are not really fulfilling the task assigned in a proper, clear, and well scoring manner.
## what is good and what's not for our health

  
  
Nowadays, people are consuming a large amount of fast food and junk food. However, you should know those are not healthy. If you want to stay healthful, they should have a proper diet contains the right balance of carbohydrates, protein, fruits and vegetables, and fat. Try to eat lots of vegetables, fruit, and organic food and avoid junk food with a lot of fat and sugar. Eat right can help daily human event, studying, social life; it helps maintain people's weight and their overall health. Breakfast is essential to everyone, always eat breakfast. Eat enough protein, and lean meat is the best source of protein. People should get at least 5-9 servings of fruits and vegetable a day, it may cause many dangerous diseases if you do not eat vegetable or fruit. Stay hydrated also important because 70% of human is water, so drinking is essential. People should drink eight-ounce glasses of water every day; it helps to re-energize. If not drinking enough water, it makes people tired, skin dry or a headache. To maintain a healthy body, you will need 8-10 hours of sleep every day this keeps your awake and alert, so you do not have to drink caffeine and sugar-loaded energy drink. If you're a student and have early school times, go to sleep earlier. You should go to bed before 10 pm. Exercise is a great way to relax after studying all day; Human are recommended to take at least half an hour of exercise every day if they can. There are plenty of great ways to keep fit, like joining a sports team, go to the gym, or it could be walking, swimming, jogging, and ice skating, dancing, yoga. Those exercises can help a lot in their daily life; it makes people feel energetic and happy because when exercising the brain releases dopamine, the chemical makes people feel good. Treat yourself nicely and don't always be on the phone. Smartphones seem indispensable, but the more people use them, you should limit the use of mobile phones.Sleep deprivation is associated with heavy cell phones users. You need to rest your body so try not to stay up late at night on your phone. Smartphone overuse can even damage your eyes.
Hi, I think that you should divide your essay in parragraphs, otherwise is a bit confusing to read. I feel like you're giving a bunch of ideas but not really linking those ideas properly. Develop a parragraph about a topic more than just isolated sentences. For example first you write about eating fruits and vegetables, proteins, etc; Then you write about drinking water; Later about sleeping properly; Then about doing exercise, and so on. Otherwise is just not coherent.  
  
Also, try to speak more in general than talking to an "imaginary you". For example, "It is recommended to go to bed before 10 pm", instead of "you should go to bed before 10 pm". As a first draft it has the correct ideas but it needs more work.  
  
Good luck!
Janzpy, aside from needing to learn how to divide your presentation into topic paragraphs, you should also learr how to apply the use of the present participle, -ing when writing action words. - ing is a highly important suffix int he English language. It is used when created verb form of words. It is used mostly as a present participle but can also be a gerund, independent noun or adjective. Without it, your sentence structure is all off. In this essay, you need to use it for the present action words such as eating, Your essay needs improvement in tense presentation. This essay is written in present tense so you need to use the correct tense usage in order to create a proper time presented sentence.  
  
Since you are just practicing how to write in English, I would say that this is a good presentation. It is relaxed and you show that you are developing a sense of comfort when using the English language. Keep writing even if you make mistakes, it is nothing that cannot be corrected and improved over time.
## criminal offences by gender in 2008 and 2009

  
  
The bar chart gives information about proportion of male and female arrests by different type of offence in September 2008.  
Overall, male and female had nearly the same proportion which is the highest in violence against the person. Nevertheless, robbery of both was the lowest in all of offence.  
  
About proportion of male arrests, the violence against the person took account over 30 percent and next was theft and handing stolen goods with 20 percent. Besides, offences as burglary, criminal damage and drug offences were not serious with just over 5 percent, 10 percent and under 10 percent. Robbery, fraud and forgery made up very small number, just about 3 and 2 percent. Moreover, proportion of other offences was 15 percent.  
  
It's seem to be that proportion of female in violence against the person was higher than that of male, almost a third. The second approximately reached with the first is theft and handing stolen goods proportion, about 31 percent. In contrast, proportions of female in robbery, burglary, fraud and forgery, criminal damage and drug offences were quite little, under 10 percent each of offences. Other offences took under 15 percent.  
  
please show me my mistakes to enhance my writing skill. thanks a lot <3  
  
*
Diep, the first thing you have to know about the Task 1 essay is that, if you want to get a good score, you need to show a maximum 4 paragraphs. 4 paragraphs creates the magic number that helps the exam taker get the highest possible score based on the 4 bands because you can do a thorough analysis of the given information and assure yourself that you have not missed out on any information that is required for the presentation.  
  
In your presentation you missed out on important information in the summary overview. This is the spot where the short version of the information you will be discussing deeply in the remaining 3 paragraphs are presented. You missed out on presenting the following information:  
  
1. Type of measurement (percentage)  
2. List of crimes to be discussed and analyzed  
3. highest and lowest points of the trending statement  
  
These missing information should have been presented in the summary because the assumption is that the reader will not have access to the image and therefore, does not have any idea of what information will be presented. As the writer of the analysis report, you are required to make sure that the reader is given a thorough and accurate briefing of the information before the discussion is presented.  
  
The remaining paragraph presentations are acceptable in terms of information presentation. You have written enough words to make sure that your writing will be scored at a higher than simply passing level. You did not do a bad job for a first timer.
## Credit cards pros and cons

  
  
Credit card is commonly use in modern society. Almost all citizens who have income have credit card, and it is one of the fastest ways of payment methods. Whether we are eating or shopping, we end up using credit card to pay bills. In fact, using credit card not only brings advantages but also produces consequences.  
  
To begin with, using credit card can earn credits and gain discounts. Users tend to buy more, so that they accumulate points to exchange what they want for free. Moreover, many restaurants and shops provided discounts for credit card users. That is an incentive for customers to buy abundantly. The customers believed that pay more to reach the target was valuable, yet they were actually received a high amount of statement in the end of the month.  
  
Due to a high consuming incentive of using credit card, these card owners easily struggle the intolerable bills. When they received an expensive monthly statement, which even higher than their monthly income, they would try an evil way to solve the bill: debt. Since then, the debt would be accumulated with late charges and other service fees, consequently the financial burden collapse victims' living.  
  
In short, credit card is an effective and efficient tool to pay bills. When we eating and shopping, we can use credit card to consume. However, imbalanced using of it will cause personally financial crises. Never try to using over limit, which was regulated by the bank, is one of the secure strategies to avoid financial suffering.
Kasif, I am not sure what prompt you are responding to with this essay but you did a pretty good job at explaining the pros and cons of using a credit card. I just had a slight problem trying to reconcile what you were saying in paragraph 3. The bill is considered a debt to the credit card company. So how do the people who owe debt try to do something evil through debt? That doesn't make sense. You need to clarify that point. Perhaps what you are saying makes sense in your language, but translated to English, it becomes a contradiction. Since debt already exists, how can " the try an evil way to solve the bill: debt" make any sense? Something got lost in translation I think. Your essay makes sense most of the time and can be understood by a native speaker in most instances so this is a pretty good discussion of the given topic, in the general sense of the discussion.
Hi Holt,  
  
Thanks you for your review, I attempt to pass for an English writing test, which difficulty might similar with IELTS paper 2. I was an University student in Hong Kong, however, I was failed for the exam for once. To pass for the exam, I intend to improve grammar, usage and style. Therefore, I write whatever I learn from English books to do practice.  
  
That is my situation, and the paragraph 3 is revised as below.  
  
Due to a high consuming incentive of using a credit card, these card owners easily struggle the intolerable bills. When they received an expensive monthly statement, which even higher than their monthly income, they would be forced by the bank in debt. Since then, the debt would be accumulated with late charges and other service fees. Consequently, this financial burden collapses victims' living, and they need to maintain the lower consuming standard to repay debt.  
  
B.rgds  
Kasif