dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Entertainment or education?

  
  
Task 2: Some people believe that the only purpose of films is to entertain. Others say films should have educational values. Discuss both views and give your opinion.  
  
Since the dawn of the entertainment industry, films have been a mainstream recreational pursuit, which can instill multiple lessons in itself in addition to their entertainment values. While some argue that the sole mission of films should be in the form of entertainment, I strongly believe that it should also portray the good and the bad of our society.  
  
Some audiences might deem the inclusion of life lessons in movies a deterrent to a fulfilling cinema experience. People watch films as an escape from real life, as they have devoted most of their time to school and work; therefore, it is justifiable to expect a merely entertaining movie without being forced to grasp the hidden meanings that act as educative factors. For example, an action film fan would not be satisfied if he or she is presented with long-winded talks, which aims to educate viewers at the expense of his or her favorite fighting scenes.  
  
However, I believe films should serve the novel purpose of informing its audiences alongside with the entertaining function. As films and movies are consumed more regularly nowadays, their impact on shaping our perception becomes more evident. A two-hour long film should raise adequate awareness of noteworthy issues such as feminism or environment depletion, rather than only fulfilling our inexhaustible demand for content. A typical case in point is the blockbuster The Avengers. It would not manage to exceed sales record every year without the lessons of humanity it communicates to viewers in every movies. The film shed light on matters such as overpopulation and racism, inspiring the audience to spark discussions worldwide and make problems heard.  
  
In conclusion, while guiding the audiences through an exciting journey should remain the chief aim of films, it is equally important to portray specific human values, not only to avoid the content consumption loophole but also to stimulate people to do good deeds.  
  
*
@greynd  
Make concise sentences through merging your thoughts *and not needing to create separate lines for them*. Doing this will not only give you more space to discuss more substantial content through helping you maximize the space you have, but this will also help you avoid being repetitive in terms of content.  
  
Try to avoid using *too many filler words* as you are typing. Having too many irrelevant words creates an exaggerated structure that does not have progressive thoughts in it. Having said that, try to always omit words that you do not need. If you can remove a word and feel as though the general meaning of a sentence does not change, then opt to remove it.  
  
Moreover, it is important to *know the intent of your essay as you are writing*. Create an outline before writing out your thoughts. It is quite obvious sometimes when individuals merely write without thinking about the intent and direction because the outcome has a tendency to be messy and unorganized.  
  
**Let's revise a couple parts.**  
  
Since the dawn of the entertainment industry, films have been mainstream. These instill valuable lessons on top of providing an avenue for recreational work. While some argue that films should solely be for entertainment, I strongly believe that they should also serve as a moral compass.  
  
Notice how evading repetitive words through using synonymous goes a long way. Using more *appropriate, formal (academic) language* also goes a long way.  
  
*Best of luck as you are revising.*
## Studying before the internet era

  
  
It's most likely that students in the past were not able to apply modern technology in their study. Nowadays, students can get access to learning equipment such as computers, projectors , touch pads, which were not available20 years ago. These devices make the lessons more interesting and also assist teachers in teaching, especially in natural sciences including Physics geography Chemistry,etc . Moreover, thanks to the assistance of technology, students can easily find information for their projects at home and homework can be assigned to them without meeting face to face. In addition, a great number of lessons nowadays are also given online so that students can learn by themselves at home effectively with more fun. In the past, students did not have technology so the way they studied is very different from that in modern time. They had to use chalk to illustrate scientific phenomena, which was time consuming but not effective. Before the Internet is used, students had to go to the library, read lots of books and hand write everything they thought might be useful for their work. It would take them lots of time, effort to do a project. Also, it was easy for students to get bored while studying since they just learnt with boring textbooks and notes at school. In conclusion, without technology, students in th past had to learn with plenty of difficulties and inconvenience
@Buinganhieu  
Try to implement a more academic/informative tone to your essay. Doing this will greatly improve the overall structure of the content because you will be able to have more direction in terms of the flow that you want.  
  
Remember that in all essays that you write, you should write with intention. This means that you should be cautious of small mistakes that may hamper the way that you relay your information.  
  
Moreover, I would also suggest that you try to be flexible when it comes to the data that you input. When you are given a writing task, the interpretation would be heavily reliant on what you feel. Doing this means that you should be more creative with the way that you perceive these tasks to have more innovative ideas in writing.  
  
**Let's revise a couple portions of your essay in accordance to this.**  
  
In the past, the absence of modern technology made it difficult to have ease in studying. Nowadays, this access to technology has made lessons more interesting for students; additionally, this has assisted teachers in more innovative approaches.\* [...]  
  
*\*Notice how I had integrated the first five sentences of your essay and made three out of it. Using this technique of merging your thoughts and conclusions into more structured sentences will enable you to have more hold over the flow of the essay. Furthermore, this will also help you evade potential mistakes.*  
  
Remember these as you are writing down your next essay. Best of luck!
## How to form a learning group?

  
  
It is quite easy to form a learning group (with a scale not too large) if you follow these simple steps.  
The first step is find members for learning group. For the freshman, you need to contact with people around and then, introduce yourself and your goal to find members with the same goals to help the group work more effectively. Actively form your team to avoid the case that when teachers ask to form a learning group but you still don't have a partner.  
  
The second step is choose the space for learning group. Choosing a learning space is important if you want your learning group achieve good results. You should choose a quiet spaces to avoid distraction of members. Library is the best place for the learning group because it very quiet as well as you can find books to help you solve difficult problems.  
  
The final step of forming a learning group is make a specific learning plan for effective learning. The best learning plan should be followed closely to the program in class. When learning in group, you can do the homework, review the previous lesson, find more information about new lesson before going to class to help you understand the new lesson more quickly.  
  
To sum up, I think the interaction between members of a learning group is very important for an effective learning group, you also have the opportunity to understand the advantages and disadvantages of yourself as well as the benefits of learning in this way. In my opinion, learning in a group helps us to study easier and better.
@MokNguyen  
**Try to be more precise with your sentence construction.** What this means is that you should try to be more straightforward when it comes to your utterances. Try to evade language that is vague - or sentences that do not have specific benefits/depth that will contribute to your content's substance. Try to also avoid being repetitive with your thoughts as doing so hinders you from creating more meaning in your essay.  
  
**Let's try to revise a couple of parts in accordance to this.  
  
In your introductory parts:**  
  
Creating a small-scale learning group is easy once these steps are followed.  
  
Finding members comes first. When approaching freshmen, getting in contact and introducing one's self alongside the group's goals come first. This is to find people with the same vision. Actively form the team to avoid long-term issues.  
  
Afterwards, one can choose the space for the group. To maximize the location, it is important to choose a quiet place to avoid distraction. The library is recommended because of its resources.  
  
[...]  
  
Another good technique would be merging together sentences to make sure that you have concise content that would be dedicated to having more structure. This can make your essay more organized when it comes to relaying information.  
  
In addition, looking for appropriate transition words is important. You can obviously evade using common ones (first, second, third, etc.) and instead use a more organic method of moving between your thoughts.  
  
*Best of luck!*
Task 1.  
The diagram below shows information about wiretap authorisations between 1997 and 2007.  
  
Answer:  
The bar chart compares and contrasts data on the changes in the number of wiretap authorisations by federal and state over an 11-year period, from 1997 to 2007. A closer look to the diagram highlights the fact that the state authorisations rose while the federal wiretap authorisations number declined over this period of time.  
  
More specifically, the biggest gap in wiretap authorisations point was in 2007, approximately 1,750 authorisations in federal, by contrast in the state only had less than 500 authorisations, a difference nearly 2.5%. Subsequently, the most constant aurhorisations number can be found from 1998 until 2003 when the authorisations' range from a little under 500 to about 750 authorisations, despite the notable exception in 2001, the states had nearly a thousand authorisations. There was a continued increase in the number of wiretap authorisations falling over five consecutive years from about 750 authorisations in 2003 then climbed considerably two times, below 2,000 authorisations in 2007.  
  
*   
*The question*
@Menurulilmi  
Watch out for your usage of punctuation, preposition, and appropriate grammar. To ensure that you have the appropriate construction of sentences, always try to start from simpler formats before moving into complex ones. Doing this will improve the content of your essay. Because these types of essay require an informative format, you can focus on creating a straightforward tone to your essay rather than going around with various forms/fillers. Omit these unnecessary lines to have a more academic approach.  
  
**Let's try to revise a few portions of your essay. If I were to revise the second paragraph of your essay:**  
  
The biggest gap in wiretapping occurred in 20017 with approximately 1 750 authorizations in federal compared to less than the state's 500 count. This is a perceived difference of nearly 2.5%.  
  
In the succeeding sentence, what exactly do you mean by *"the most constant authorisations"*? You have to be more specific when you are interpreting graphs.  
  
I recommend trying to be more organized when you are curating analytical content. Interpreting data from graphs should always be within a specific pattern. For instance, I would suggest that you try to stick with a timeline. Start from the beginning of the data present - and end at the last year.  
  
Moreover, I suggest adding a concluding line to all of it. You merely described the data present in the graph without providing your own interpretation or input. This will help create more depth.  
  
*Best of luck!*
## living and working away from home

  
  
For many people, sacrifices have to be made to do jobs. To keep our position, we do whatever is required and go wherever needs to be. It is common for people to leave their families and work elsewhere. In this essay I will analyse pros and cons of this situation.  
  
Being away from home can help people be more focused and as a result can get promotion at work quicker. If we are close to our house and be with family every day, we may be distracted by home issues or interupted by our children and spouse. Whatever we are doing, when we put 100% of our thought and energy to it, we become very efficient and even very creative. Another benefit of staying away from home is that we have more time for self. Sometimes responsibilities for work and family keep us busy and do not think about taking care of ourselves. I used to enjoy reading books a lot but I stop that habit after I have my first child. In the last six months my company sent me to Singapore to support operation process there, I have started to my hobby again and feel very happy. I realise that going back home I have to allocate time for books that I want to read as they are very important food for my mind and my soul.  
  
What are the drawbacks of working in a distant place and cannot meet our family daily? There are many. The most noticeable disadvantage is the feeling of loneliness. Even though we always have our colleagues and new friends at work, they can not compensate family relationship. Whenever going back to our room, we will miss our parents, spouse or children who always welcome us after we are back from work. We also miss the stories they share with us about what have been happening in their worlds. In difficult situations such as being sick or having challenges at work, we know we even need our family more. They are always beside us and take care of our wellbeing. From my experience, my husband cannot always help me to find a solution to my issue but he will listen to me and encourage met to be decisive and brave. Without him besides, I think that I will be less confident at work and in life in general.  
  
In conclusion, there exist both positive and negative effects on any one who has to stay away from home and work elsewhere. Before choosing to reallocate for a job, we need to prepare ourselves in advance by analysing what we will expect. I believe that living and working away from home is always very interesting experience for any of us.
@dohoa  
Speaking of technicalities, I would advise you to be wary of the following: punctuation, length of sentences (ie. dragging sentences longer than they need to), overburdening your structure (ie. making complex ones when you can opt for simpler ones), and incoherent lines.  
  
I recommend that as you are rereading and revising your essay, you should try to be more aware of small details that can influence the overall flow of the essay. Try to replace parts of the essay that can have more appropriate content. Try to also watch out for possibly becoming lazy when it comes to constructing your sentences (ie. using the word very instead of allocating a more in-depth adjective).  
  
**Let's take a look at some portions of your text and revise accordingly.**  
  
*Being away from home can help people focus on tasks, resulting to quicker promotions. [...] It does not matter what we are doing; when we put all our energy into it, we can be efficient and innovative. [...]*  
  
**Notice how I tried to move around the word forms in the first sentence to create more of an organic flow.** I also removed the word very in front of efficient as the latter is already indicative of quite a high performance attitude (therefore is unnecessary to put too much). Creative is a word that can also be interpreted in many ways; try to be use synonymous terms instead.  
  
I have also noticed that you had a tendency to keep repeating specific terms to pertain to family members. Instead of doing this, you can opt to say that they're your immediate family. Doing techniques such as this can make your essay writing simpler and yet effective in relaying the same line of thought.  
  
If we go more in-depth in the third paragraph, I would revise the last portions as:  
*[...]  
In difficult situations such as sickness and work-related challenges, we tend to seek for our family's companionship more as they take care of our well-being. From my experience, even though my husband cannot always find a solution to my issues, he will listen and encourage me to be decisive and brave. Therefore, there is less confidence in work and life when I am without him.*  
  
Being precise with your words is pivotal when you are curating essays. Be wary that your sentence structure can impact the overall quality of your essay, therefore you should opt to try and spice things up through having more organic content.  
  
Best of luck.
Topic  
Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.  
  
## Faster transition to adulthood

  
  
Essay:  
In my view, young adults should live with their families for a longer time. Family is the most important part of any person's life. There are many advantages of staying with parents.  
  
First, The main advantage of staying with parents is they teach a child good social and cultural values. When we are with family, we can celebrate the festivals and holidays and we can learn their importance in our lives. If we are staying with our family, we need not have to think about basic needs such as food, laundry, grocery etc. Thus, When there is a ample of time available to children, they can concentrate more on the studies or the work they are doing and it helps them to achieve success in the respective fields. I have a friend who decided to stay independently from his family after high school. It was very difficult for him to manage his bills and school togather. He had to study during the day and work during the evening to survive. However, he learned how to be self dependent but his study grades were declined as compared to high school. Another example, I have seen a video on youtube title "With mom and without mom". It showed lots of difference in our life with and withour mother in one's life. One of that is when a girl was sick, she had to order soup from outside and had to sleep in that condition. On the contrary with mom around, she got homemade soup and her mother gave her medicine and she recovered fast. Thus, Staying with family is a better option.  
  
Second, The other advantage of staying with family is that, whenever we are in a situation from which we can not think of a way out, we have alway someone who can guide us the proper way to handle the situation. The person who stays independently doesnt have this advantage of elderly guidance. For example, one student in my class was staying alone with his few friends separate from his parents. He used to get monthly expences from his parents but due to independence he was more inclined towards roaming, going to movies and his grades were affected badly. Sometimes personal problems also affect the most when a person is alone. Having someone as a guiding star is alway beneficial.  
  
Thus, As per my opinion young adults should not think of independence from their parents very soon in their life. They should think of staying alone when they have a proper place in their life and in their career such that they can afford their own expenses. Though staying with the family will always have advantage having good moral responsibilities and having a problem solver throughout the life. So. Young adults should prefer to live with their families for a longer time.
@DK23  
1. Transitioning your sentences does not mean that you necessarily need to have repetitive transition words. Instead, opting for an organic transition method (ie. letting it flow as it naturally should) would go a long way.  
  
2. It would be beneficial if you could omit using unnecessary details that are irrelevant to the in-depth understanding of the overall content of the essay. Doing this will create a more straightforward approach to writing that is certainly preferred in the long-run.  
  
3. Try to be more creative with your sentence construction. Consistency is also key to technical writing. If you are consistent with your form, it would benefit your essay because you will have more concentration on delving deep into the thoughts of your essay rather than having to deal with complex structures.  
  
4. Watch out for your capitalization, punctuation, and insertion of filler words.  
  
**Let's try to look at your essay in certain points.**  
  
If we take into account the second paragraph, I would recommend that you try to revising it *(and the others - but with emphasis on this portion)* according to these aforementioned comments. It is important that you try to have more hold over *substantiated content* rather than just filling out the essay with information without having proper organization techniques.  
  
**For instance, let's revise this portion as:**  
  
Firstly, a main advantage of staying with parents is that they teach children social and cultural values.\* When we are with the family, we celebrate festivals and holidays; this lets us learn the importance of familial ties. This also lets us not worry about basic necessities like food, laundries, and groceries. Because there is generally more free time for children, they can concentrate more on studying and working. This will help them become successful. [...]  
  
*\*It is unnecessary to say that they are good social and cultural values because good is synonymous to values inherently. Learn these techniques to shorten your structures.*  
  
Just keep these in mind as you are revising. When you find that you have sentences that can be divided into two different portions, opt to separate to have more structure.  
  
Best of luck!