dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Analyze the prompt you were given. There were 2 questions presented, both of which required a direct response in the paraphrase. This is being done in the original prompt to help you, as the writer, to better brainstorm and outline your response to the discussion topic. All you have to do, after you restate the topic, is respond to the questions directly, assuring you of an average to higher than average TA score, depending upon your presentation. For this essay, you could have gotten a better TA score if you had immediately given a response to:  
  
-The damage humans do  
-Possible government response  
-Individual person response  
  
So the restated prompt should have been similar to:  
  
*The activities of human beings, such as the unabated use of petrol products, have caused an increase in the overall temperature of the climate. Thus leading to hotter weather. The government can help ease this situation by regulating the sale and use of petrol products. While humans can help slow down the planet's temperature change by lessening the use of petrol in their daily lives.*  
  
Once this response outline has been clearly made, establishing what the topics for discussion will be in the essay (this is a 5 paragraph essay by the way), the TA score will find an immediate increase as the writer clearly shows an analysis of the question and an ability to quickly develop an applicable response in short form, in English.  
  
You show a good understanding of the prompt requirement based on your discussion paragraphs. However, there is a lack of explanatory development in your presentation. I strongly suggest that you limit the use of word fillers:  
  
- There are many contributors to the deterioration of the climate.  
- The first is...  
- For example...  
- Various steps should be taken by the national governments and individuals to resolve these severe problems. Firstly...  
- As individuals,  
  
These are all word fillers that prevented you from simply stating the facts, thus creating a cohesive discussion presentation which then leads to a coherent discussion paragraph. Topic sentence focused essays, with less to no word fillers always score better in the C&C and GRA sections.
## Writing task 2 - Music piracy

  
  
Hi, everyone, I'm studying for IELTS and need you to help me correct the essay.  
  
**Many people in the music business feel that illegal music sites on the internet are a serious threat to the industry and more should be done to prevent them from operating.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?**  
  
It is true that people who work in the music industry acknowledge that measures should be taken to stave off the operation of stream-ripping sites. While I agree that steps could be made to deal with this problem, I believe that music download websites are beneficial to the public and as well as artists.  
  
On the one hand, music piracy has had a strong influence on the artists and the record labels in several respects. It is strictly illegal to download copyrighted music without the permission of the owners. From an ethical standpoint, there is no difference between downloading music illegally and stealing a CD from a shop. Furthermore, music piracy threatens the livelihood of creative artists. Due to the popularity of music ripping, musicians lose the income from their artistic works and do not get enough financial support which put them in a precarious situation. As for the record companies, music theft also leads to the loss of annual revenue, and lower-level workers of the companies may be jobless.  
  
On the other hand, there are good reasons why these sites should still exist. CDs are incredibly expensive, so many music lovers could not afford them. In addition, some people only enjoy one to two songs, and they are unwilling to pay for the entire album. As for the poor, music-sharing websites may contribute to equity as these provide access to poor people, who are unable to pay for CD, to enjoy artistic creations. Finally, these sites could act as a medium for increasing the popularity of the musicians because the websites allow artists to put their content online for free and attract more music lovers to appreciate their works and concerts.  
  
In conclusion, protections could be made to prevent illegal music downloading sites, but I believe that the existence of these sites is necessary.
Wherever you read the word "OR" in the discussion instruction, that means you are being asked to analyze the topic and reasons for the discussion first. Then, you must come up with a single opinion to defend in the essay. In this case, you are being asked to decide regarding the degree of your agreement or disagreement with the presented discussion. That said, your response indicates that you did not choose a side to discuss and, you did not spend any of the 40 minute time allotment brainstorming and outlining your possible discussion points. The examiner will score this essay below the passing mark on the TA section because of the lack of a clear position on the discussion.  
  
Your essay also offers an opinion in the conclusion. A suggestion was made regarding possible solutions, when none was required in the task requirement. So your essay also discussed topics not related to the original discussion. Hence, the examiner will not be able to score you well in the TA section. Once you come in under the passing score in the TA section, there is no chance that the essay will pass the remaining criteria and deliver a passing score for you. Your overall essay cannot pass because of the following reasons:  
  
- You did not deliver a clear opinion in the prompt paraphrase  
- You did not pick a side to discuss in the essay  
- You did not respond in the proper format to the discussion question  
- You included non-required discussion content in the essay
## the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas

  
  
The diagrams give information about the percentage of water consumption for some goals in four continent.  
The agricultural purpose for which water is used around the world accounts for the largest proportion of the total amount consumed, those figures are higher 80% in Asia, Africa and 70% in South America. Whilst the number for Industrial is higher in North America and Europe as standing at 48% and 53% respectively.  
  
In contrast, the percentage of domestic use is the smallest in North America, Europe and South East Asia as stand at 13%, 15% and 17% respectively. The industrial sector also in the same situation as it required the least amount of water in Africa, Central Asia and South America, specifically the figures of that is 7%, 5% and 10% respectively.  
  
Step into the analysis, we can realise that in two continent around the North Atlantic people consume too much water for industrial objective while in the other mainlands this need is only a minority. The other disparity can be seen on that for the farming segment as it varies from one-third in "old continent", through almost half and two-third in the land in Earth's western hemisphere, and to around four-fifths in the oriental and the hottest area. The smallest difference belonging to internal consumption goal as the modest figures are less than one-fifth in all-region.  
  
*(224 words)*  
  
*
The images are not diagrams, these are pie charts. Your image identification is incorrect. Wrong image descriptions can affect your TA score as the accuracy of your report becomes suspect. Complete your summary overview with the required information:  
  
- Countries (not provided)  
- Type of water usage (not provided)  
- measurement type (provided)  
- Trending statement (provided)  
  
You have to give a proper summary of the provided information otherwise, the reader will not be able to easily follow your discussion. The summary overview should help you outline what type of information you will present per paragraph. The trending statement should be 2 fold in this instance, the highest and lowest points of the pie chart measurement would have provided a clear direction for the measurements provided.  
  
Your essay cannot be completed in 20 minutes. You can only write between 175-190 words. The number of words provided in this essay means you will cut into your Task 2 writing time. Be conscious of your time allotment. Use a timer when practicing. That will give you an accurate idea of how many words you can write. Always do that to make sure you never cut into the Task 2 writing time. It will help the word count become second nature to you towards exam day.  
  
Do not offer a data analysis. You are not allowed an opinion in a Task 1 essay. Just report and summarize the information as instructed in the prompt. You are deviating from the original instruction, which will result in a lower TA score because the format for writing was not properly applied. That is the main reason why you wrote too many words. Analysis is only used in the Task 2 essay. Comparison points are not the same as an analysis. The comparison discussion could have actually been just one sentence, combined into the trending statement.
## E-BOOKs vs paper books

  
  
Many people argue that, instead of using books that are made from paper, it is more convenient for people in the world to spend money on using electronic book whose content is displayed on the screen of tablet or smartphone. In my opinions, I totally agree with this idea.  
  
The first reason is that if people use the electronic book, they could spend less money than using the paper book. Thanks to the e-book, people are able to download the content from the website, so that the cost of paper does not add-in the total cost of the book making the book more affordable. In addition, there is a mutual benefit for both end users and publishers if they use the electronic-book. For example, when users choose electronic-book, the cost of material to produce book and the cost of delivery can be eliminated, as a result, the book is cheaper. Not only so, e-book can be paid by an online transaction which means user transfer money through credit card instead of monetary payment.  
  
Finally, reading electronic-book can protect the environment. Because the paper is made of wood, which means publishers have to cut down many trees in the forest. Deforestation could cause climate change. Nowadays, many protection forest areas are cleared by illegal forest users, illegal logging or forest clearance to produce paper lead to no natural forest for the wild animal to live. In addition, establishers must use coal or oil to operate the paper manufacturing system, which potentially pollutes environment.  
  
In conclusion, it is convenient for people to read electronic-book instead of using the printed book/ real book. Using electronic book helps people not only save money, but also protect the forest. The government should encourage people to use e-book by imposing taxes on paper books.
Kindly upload the prompt with your essay next time. As the topic you have chosen to discuss is not one among the normal IELTS Task 2 essay topics, I will refrain from commenting on your approach to the essay. The prompt would have given me a starting point to review your paper with. Without it, I will concentrate on a general review instead.  
  
In the first reasoning paragraph, you were providing a very cohesive explanation up until the last sentence when you suddenly threw in the online transaction benefit, without adding any supporting explanation to it. The coherence of the essay actually comes from the way you connect all your discussion topics in one paragraph using examples and supporting explanations. The minute you do not fully explain one reason, the paragraph quality is lowered and, in an actual test, so will the C&C score.  
  
There is a grammar error in the second reasoning paragraph. Never start a new sentence with the word "because". The word "because" is used to connect ideas within a sentence. It is a connecting word and is used as such. Since your presentation uses the word to start a sentence, there is no previous idea or discussion to connect it to. Therefore, this will be seen as a GRA problem and lower your score in that section.  
  
Do not use a slash in your presentation. This is an academic paper and the academic test requires you to use formal punctuation marks in the presentation. Since you are talking about the same thing, which is a printed book, you do not need to represent it in another form. If you want to do that, then use a synonym, without the slash. The slash ruins the academic tone and presentation.
## urban-rural balance

  
  
*Generally, this is an ielts writing task 2 and the topic is the causes and solutions to urbanization.*  
Answer  
Recently, migration to urban areas has escalated - there lies in arising issues that the governors have to address, such as overcrowding. This essay will evaluate this phenomenon in depth based on the underlying causes and potential solutions.  
  
The pivotal cause of the migration is the urban-rural disparity. On the one hand, the income gap between residents in two areas has constantly worsened due to the lack of career opportunities in the rural one. Metropolises are sung praises of having gainful employments that are available for the citizens since they have a high chance of being invested by the government. Meanwhile, people in the countryside are stuck in a financial predicament and labor exploitation as they have no chance to have lucrative careers. Consequently, resettling to big cities can extricate themselves from poverty. On the other hand, the availability of services has widened the urban-rural inequality, indirectly results in urbanization. Education and health-care attainment are supplied immensely in cities due to the need for qualified human resources for the future, which is unlike to countryside where education is poorly given attention.  
  
Nevertheless, the problem can be tackled by some steps. The most evident one is to revitalize the rural areas by investing more in infrastructures, which directly contribute to optimize rural residents' lives. In this way, they have more chances to access the amenity and better living conditions they deserve having. Additionally, the acceleration of agricultural growth significantly influences on the reduction of urbanization. It not only creates stable employment for people but also lowers the labor exploitation due to the modernization of agricultural machines the government has to supply them to make higher productivity.  
  
Overall, to deal with urbanization, the government should develop the rural areas to reinforce the urban-rural equality since generally, the core of the migration to cities is the seek for a better quality of living conditions.  
  
*(I just want to say thank you in advance so... thanks a lot for sending me feedback <3 )*
It is always best to respond directly to the questions posed in the original prompt so that you can have an actual guideline for the writing of your essay. The most important thing to remember is this: When asked to write about reasons and solutions , that means the plural form of the singular words, you have to use 2 connected reasons and solutions. That means, the response will require you present an outline of your discussion plans. As such, you will need to indicate a clearly developed sentence response such as :  
  
*People tend to move to urban areas due to lack of rural development.This is best seen in the income difference between rural and urban areas cause the rural dwellers . The government can address these these two problems through the development of the countryside and increased payment for the farmer harvests. Both of which address the urbanization problem.*  
  
From there, you can use 2 paragraphs to discuss the related topics:  
  
*Par. 2: Urban migration is primarily caused by the lack of rural development... This lack of financial support from the government leads the farmers to move to the city, where workers are better supported by the government.  
  
Par. 3: The government can resolve the urban movement problem by increasing the training received by provincial workers and increasing the cost of purchase on the government side for the farmer produce. Both of which will result in a better financial capacity for the farmers, thus reducing their need to move to the city.*  
  
The above presentation is a sample of how you could have addressed the topic in a manner that will achieve a better than just passing band score. Outlining the response in the paraphrase section means you will not have to keep referring to your brainstorming list while writing your essay. The direct response allows you to have a permanent discussion topic list, preventing you from over or under discussing any particular section of the presentation.
## Population growth

  
  
Task 1: The line graph shows the percentage of New Zealand population from 1950 to 2050.  
  
The line graph illustrates the proportion New Zealand population growth based on four different age groups between 1950 and 2050.  
  
Overall, it is clear that the percentage of people from 15-34 years old is by far the highest over the period shown. The proportion of elderly people over 65 is lowest by 2030 and predicted to rise until 2050.  
  
In 1950, over 30% of New Zealand citizens fell into 15-34 group, followed by 28% of that was 0-to 14-years-olds. By contrast, only 15% of New Zealand population belonged to 35-to 64-years-old group, and the smallest figure - 10% of the population growth was seen in the group of the senior over 65.  
  
From 2030 to 2050, the percentage of New Zealand citizens aged from 15-34 and 0-14 are expected to go down to 29% and 10% respectively in 2050. While the proportion of 35-64 year old people will continue to rise significantly and peak at about 34% , and the percentage of the elderly over 65 is predicted to increase gradually to around 15% in the year 2050.  
  
*
Your paragraph presentation needs work. You have a tendency to write confusing sentences. That is because you are focused on delivering long sentences in every paragraph, rather than properly developed complex sentences. You have made the common mistake of writing long sentences to represent complex sentences. That is not the case. These long sentences that you have written normally combines 2 thoughts into one sentence. That is why the sentence, though rife with data, does not properly translate to most readers. You need to divide the sentences into topics as well. It will never hurt your essay presentation to have you format your paragraphs with 3-5 sentences each. That is the recommended sentence number per paragraph because the writer will be able to divide the thought presentation per paragraph clearly, using that sentence number.  
  
Do not misunderstand me. Your presentation of data is complete. It is the format that is holding back your essay from achieving a coherent presentation. Even if you present the data in relevant form in the essay, if you do not properly format the sentences, the presentation format will cause stress for the examiner as he reads the essay, which will cause him to score down your work.
## robotic engineering

  
  
**Topic: Some people believe that robots will play an important role in future society, while the others argue that robots might have negative effects on society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
Rapid advances in technology have led to a surge of public interest in automation, including robots. While I accept that this field of technology may have its dangers, I believe that the benefits of robotic engineering outweigh the drawbacks.  
  
The negative implications of robots are often discussed in terms of two key areas, which are rising in unemployment and the dependence on robots. The rise of robots has seriously disrupted many areas, resulting in the replacement of existing jobs, especially putting a toll on low-skilled workers. For example, in manufacturing, robots can perform manual tasks more effectively with ease and precipitation than human does, such as raw materials sorting. Another drawback that has to be taken into account is that the present of robots might discourage people from learning some of the basic survival skills. Taking cooking skill for example, a chef robot with the cutting edge of technology could make a well-prepared meal but it, at the same time, posts a problem while the machine itself is out of work.  
  
While the negative impacts are inevitable, there are many positive effects that robots have on human society such as productivity growth and an excessive amount of spare time. If robots are used effectively, they enable company to become productive and competitive on the market. This encourages demand to be increased and boost the economic growth. For instance, a robot can work constantly 24/7 without any break and the feeling of boring, unlike a person, he or she is able to work from 8 to 10 hours a day with several breaks during working hours. Furthermore, by applying robotic engineering in the workplace and other aspects of life, people can have extra time to spend on personal leisure pursuits or try something new, giving a rise to life satisfaction and reduce anxiety.  
  
In conclusion, I am convinced that robots will have a positive impact on our lives, and that people's fears will be unwarranted.  
  
(323 words)  
------  
  
*Hi all, I am horning my writing skill to take the IELTS Test. I hope you guys can give me some feedback on my essays so that I can learn from you to be better. Thank you a lot!*
Since this is your first essay, I can understand why you would end up messing up the discussion format like you did. I guess you are self studying from a book and trying to imitate what you see. That is the problem with self-teaching. You do not know when you are making a mistake in your presentation and how to fix it. So it will be best for me to open your eyes to the formatting situation of your essay first.  
  
The first thing you have to understand is that you are required to outline your discussion parameters, based on the discussion instructions, after you paraphrase the original topic. For this type of essay, you must not present your direct opinion at the end of the paraphrased paragraph. That is because there is no direct question being asked that would require you to take such an action in your writing. Instead, you will merely deliver a restatement of the discussion instruction. regarding presenting 2 points of view, prior to the presentation of your opinion.  
  
It would appear that in this essay, the best approach for you to have taken would have been to present your personal opinion per discussion topic. Based on your current presentation, you would have been able to present a solid opinion per paragraph using the following format:  
  
Topic sentence: Positive impact (one topic only)  
Explanation: Why this is an acceptable part of robotics based on the public point of view  
Your opinion: Covering 2 sentences. Either you support this positive opinion or not.  
Opinion Explanation: Supporting discussion of your personal point of view.  
Total: 5 cohesive and coherent sentences  
  
Use proper second or third person pronouns in your discussion of the public point of view to show that you are not yet presenting your personal opinion. When you explain your opinion, use the first person point of view. That way the examiner is clear about who is saying what and why. It adds up when he considers your C&C plus GRA score.  
  
Never present your opinion as a single closing sentence. You have to present it either as a combined part of the 2 points of view discussion or, as a stand alone paragraph prior to the concluding summary. Your opinion needs to follow the formatting requirements of 3-5 sentences with supporting explanations and / or examples. The essay you presented is good but it does not represent the format required for the discussion. You may want to follow one of the two discussion suggestions I made here. Either use:  
  
- The combined opinion approach (Public POV + Personal Opinion)  
- 2 Paragraph public POV + 1 Personal opinion  
  
To assure yourself of a better formatted and discussed essay presentation.