dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Some people think that schools have to be more entertaining, while others think that their sole purpose is to educate. Which do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.**  
  
## more entertainment or sticking to the old ways of teaching?

  
  
There is a heated debate over whether schools should provide entertainment teaching standards or should only concentrate on education policy. In my opinion, schools should encourage children's development skills by using entertainment methodology. This essay will analyse both statements and use examples from my own experience to demonstrate point and prove arguments.  
  
Firstly, traditional education system has always been under public scrutiny. There is an idea that children tend to boost faster their interpersonal skills at young age by interacting with objects and communicate with their peers. This is due to the fact that children's cognitive development is effectively being formed and modeled in that case external factors of entertainment such as play games can support and foster their mental and physical well-being. For example, my son becomes really smart by recognising objects and sounds through the iPad. Therefore, if the purpose of traditional education is only educate children, it would hardly believe that children's development skill can be adequately set up but modern entertainment techniques can revitalizes such skills.  
  
Secondly, traditional pedagogical techniques based on students doing homework and listening teaching can be useful on occasion. A recent study from IMT indicates that schools in UK are adopting new educational techniques since 2015, the results of this study is students are prone to awake their curiosity and creativity and the desire to learn. Therefore, schools should implement new teaching methodology as a way of delivering teaching quality with the purpose of educating people.  
  
To conclude, it is important to improve our teaching method, different teaching techniques have emerged significantly over the time. I firmly agree that school should be more embrace entertainment rather than follow old ways of teaching. In the future, new teaching methodologies will continue to emerge.
Hi renzito,  
I think there're some aspects you need to work on more to make your essay better.  
  
- Task response: I think you're off the topic. You talked about the necessity in improving education methodology, rather than picking a side and supporting it.  
  
- Lexical resource: I'm amazed at the range of vocabulary you have and your ability to use them appropriately. Keep on your good work here!  
  
- Grammar, I think you should include complex structures. It'll help to improve your band.  
  
Hope my advice can help you. Good luck!
***Topic: Recent research has shown that media like the Internet and TV have a greater influence over people's lives than politicians.  
## What do you consider to be the greater influence?***  
  
The new survey has illustrated that such as internet and tv is easier to impact on community life than political figure. While it seems the politicians probably have a great say in the community, I would argue that the effect of broadcasting is quite a lot wide nowadays.  
  
On the one hand, I agree that media is more and more generalized and it considerably affects people's lives. By the reason is we are likely to be exposed to the TV and now the Internet rather than politicians at that stage. Moreover, human behaviors are perhaps formed and improved through learning and imitation. For instance, parents often give children technological equipment like iPad, smartphone to watch videos on youtube, where they copied good and bad behavior. This leads to the formation of children's personality in the future. Furthermore, most of people guide their futures career based on the fields which they enjoy watching. For example, people who are interested in watching a video about the electronic device may choose to be a technician or IT in the future.  
  
However, there is no doubt that politicians as well as impact on us through their speech and campaign. But this is occurred at a later stage in our life, after being shaped by the media. Most of the time politicians address their speech to a mature audience who have the ability to judge and to decide on their proposals and social plans. Certainly, because being underage they don't possess the sense of judgment to make a political choice.  
  
In conclusion, for the reasons advanced above, I consider the media has a greater influence on people than politicians. Politicians, on the other hand, intervene only later when we acquire maturity from education and the media.
In my opinion, your opening is quite incoherent. You seem to agree with the result of the research but you wrote that you argue.  
You made some grammar mistakes. For example:  
... politicians as well impact ... (third paragraph)  
... campaigns. (third paragraph)  
... this occurs ... (third paragraph)  
.. mature audiences. (third paragraph)  
... future careers... (second paragraph)  
... about electronic devices. (second paragraph, no article should be used)  
Your last two sentences in the third paragraph does not have a good connection.
Hi~  
I think your opinion is quite clear from your first and last paragraph, but I just feel it's not a strong statement that politicians leave a minor influence just because they innervate late.  
  
Also, the linking words you use are pretty misleading:  
"On the one hand" refers to a part of an issue that is of equal importance, but actually you want to emphasis this paragraph comparing to the next paragraph.  
  
"However" gives a strong emphasis on the things following, but actually you are not in favor of the politicians' influence.  
  
In addition, I suggest you find another way to introduce the topic through your first sentence. Even though you used different words, you still repeated the task description in a very specific way.
**Topic: Many people buy products which they really don't need and replace old products with new ones unnecessarily.  
Do you think this is a good things?  
Why do they do so?**  
  
## unnecessary replacement of old items with new ones

  
  
In today's time, people has a tendency to replace their old belongings with the new ones unnecessarily. The media has played a significant role in influencing people's purchasing pattern of replacing old functional items with unwanted new ones. Additionally, the prolonged use of an item also directly impacts this pattern. However, impact of such influences should be minimized to eliminate unnecessary overhead expenses.  
  
Tendency of replacing old products with new ones is usually noticed under the influence of media or when people are bored of using it. It has been observed that the media ( Internet, televisions and newspaper) play an important role in disseminating information across the society. Advertising newly launched product through well renowned celebrity influences purchasing choices and patterns of a common man. For example, many people especially youngsters tend to change their mobile phones as soon as there is launch of new models in the market. In addition, the boredom caused by prolonged use of a product also contributes in replacing an old item frequently.  
  
Consequently, this temptation of replacing belongings results in unwanted expenses. This is not unusual for people to spend beyond their budget on unwanted items; as it has been seen while shopping for grocery, most picked up item is the one which is highly advertised irrespective of it's price. In such cases, unwanted expenses are incurred by picking up a priced commodity over other available cheaper, similar quality commodity.  
  
In summary, the influential media and boredom are the key factors which contribute to the unnecessary replacement of old items with new ones. If constant scrutiny of such pattern is not done, then it might result in unwanted expenditure.
@loveya  
Welcome! Since you're new here, I'm here as a contributor to provide you with feedback on this text. I hope you learn something new from this.  
  
Firstly, I appreciate how composed your writing is. The eloquence of your writing capped with the dynamism of content makes it easier to digest the main thoughts that you were trying to relay in the writing. Keep this up!  
  
I would only recommend that you become more cautious of small mistakes that take down the professionalism of your writing a notch down. The second paragraph's second sentence, for example, had a random parenthesis-based phrasing in it. Omit this. Instead, you can opt for something that appears more academic such as a semi-colon. This will be a lot more forgivable for the readers.
## more money or parental love?

  
  
In the present age, most couples recognize a necessity for both to exert themselves more to make ends meet. Some believe that the additional income consequentially stands their offsprings in good stead. Meanwhile, others contend that the children may lack the indispensable care from their parents. In this essay, I will elaborate on both these viewpoints and give my own opinion.  
  
On the one hand, it can be concerned that the extra money earned, in many ways, positively affect the children's life. The couples are more likely to pay for a better living standard as well as other household expenses. As a result,the kids may have a better-based background both educationally and socially. For example, a well-being family can afford the great sum of money to send their kids to a prestigious school with high-qualified teaching staff.  
  
On the flipside, I would argue that despite the sufficiency in materials, the children still deprive of the inevitably emotional support from their mom and dad. It is obvious that if parents both go out to work, the kids will be left at home alone and bored. This phenomenon may gradually trigger some insecure feelings or worse, unpredictable behaviour in children, especially in teenagers.  
  
In conclusion, it is important to acknowledge the merits of the two given perspectives. However, I am more convinced of the latter idea and thus, parents' absence in their offspring 's everyday life should be limited as much as possible.
Okay, first things first, I will like you to correct some grammatical errors in your write up. For example elaborate on these both viewpoints could just be elaborate on both viewpoints, check the last sentence in the first paragraph.  
  
On the third paragraph too, you might want to check the first sentence. Although I really don't know what the writeup is for, I feel you can write better than this. I didn't see any reason why you supported the latter perspective other than telling us you did.  
  
What I felt you did was judge between two conflicting opinions without giving any reason why you feel either of the argument is superior. I feel you should do more in this regard. You should be able to give the disadvantages of both and make us see why your choice is the lesser evil.
## physical activity in australia

  
  
**Cambridge IELTS 12 Writing Task 1 Test 1**  
  
The bar graph describes the proportion of various age group of Australian which compares men and women who engaged in physical workout regularly in 2010.  
Overall, it can be seen that the majority of males in teenager age group had more exercise than the females. However, the number of females aged 25 to over 65 did more physical activity than males group.  
  
Males who aged 15 to 24 committed to more workout with composition 52.8%, then declined steeply to 42.2% and 39.5% respectively in next two older group, aged 25 to 34 and 35 to 44. However since aged 45, the proportion went up gradually to 46.7% for 65 and over aged group.  
  
In contrast, the most active for female group proportion that were aged 45 to 54 which account for 63.3%. Teenager women were less active compared to men aged 15 to 24. Likewise, it can be seen that the number of male and female who were 65 years old and over was nearly the same with 46.7% and 47.1%.  
  
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Help me to check this essay  
  
*
@bagongcamen  
Hi, welcome to the forum! I'm going to try my best to give you feedback on this writing. I hope it somehow helps your learning.  
  
Firstly, I think that you overstretch your sentences. What this means is that you have a tendency to create *almost seemingly run-on* content because you are trying to put everything into one chunk. What I would suggest is opting for smaller and yet more concise patterns of writing. If we take a look at, for example, the second paragraph. You needed to deconstruct those details. Make it as comprehensible as possible for your readers.  
  
Aside from this, the general flow of your content is quite well-done. I commend how the writing was eloquent and put-together. Just focus on downsizing complex writing patterns - and you're good to go!
1. **The bar graph "depicts" the percentage of Australian men and women doing regular exercises in 2010.** -->your first sentence has a weird use of "which"  
  
2. ~~Males who aged 15 ... 52.8%~~ --> 52.8% of males between 15 to 24 workout.  
--> the second paragraph has several grammatic issues( run-on)  
  
Hope you can do well on IELTS!!!
## Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads.

  
*To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  
Write at least 250 words*  
  
Some people believe that governments ought to allocate their budget to railways rather than roads. In my perspectives, I totally agree with this statement because of its effectiveness and environmental friendliness.  
  
It is undeniable that improved and modern railway system can solve the problem of traffic congestion. Railways such as Mass Rapid Train totally meet the demand for time-saving, which plays a immensely crucial role in people's lives. Before the development of the railway systems, previous workers experienced a mass-issue related to traffic jam due to the rush hour and overpopulation. As a result, they had to spend more time travelling on the roads and did not derive any benefits from it. Beside that, modern rails with self-driving system allow people to be entitled to relax or working while travelling to work, so they possibly can have more time fulfill all obligations of their work. Not only do the drivers suffer from exhausted and tired after driving long distance, they also become more depressed when being drowning in deadlines. Railways system also provide safety for children whose parents cannot pick up them at school.  
  
It goes without saying that railway system is more environmentally friendly than private vehicles. If more and more people turn to use subway trains or MRT, the number of private cars on the roads can reduce dramatically by considerable percentage. As a consequence, smoke released into the air from cars and illness related to respiratory organs will be decreased  
  
In conclusion, railway system has made significant contribution the development of the country, after undergoing a dramatic change in technique which require hugh amount of money from the government. Not only does the this mode of transport have influence on people's work, it is also more environmentally friendly than private ones.
Hello  
  
I have some suggestions for you. Firstly, in the first argument of the second paragraph, you use two long sentences to explain the negative effect of traffic jam on the roads instead of focusing on the reason why railways can solve the issue. I think maybe it is better to add more details about it. Secondly, Railways system also provide safety ... this point is a little too much for me since you already have two points in a paragraph as well as you did not make further explanation for it. Therefore, I recommend you just demolish this sentence. Thirdly, maybe you can add more details or examples in the third paragraph. Although the idea is quite clear and easy to understand for readers, the paragraph is a little too short and lack of relevant descriptions about how the railway systems can be eco-friendly to the environment.  
  
Hope my suggestions are helpful
@sharkonguyen  
Hey, welcome to the forum! Here is my feedback on your writing; I hope it helps!  
  
First and foremost, while the introductory paragraph is alright, I would heavily suggest that you avoid over blowing the text that you have. Taking a look at your second paragraph, it's quite pervasive how you jammed a lot of details into one portion. If you are able to avoid doing this, it would be more beneficial for your content as you're giving more priority to what is relevant.  
  
Furthermore, I suggest working on your transitions when moving between paragraphs. While the essay was packed with information, not having the necessary transitional words can affect the delivery of content. Remember that the packaging is everything in these essays.
@Havanle  
Hey, welcome back to the forum! I hope this feedback becomes beneficial for your writing endeavors. If it does, don't hesitate to approach us for more input.  
  
From the get-go, there was lack of clarity in the introductory portion of the essay. The first sentence should immediately be about the location - if that's what the topic of the paragraph or section is. Having this dedicated approach to how it should be written would give you leverage.  
  
Furthermore, when it came to the central portion of the essay where you had described more about the mapping of the Red River Delta, you were inconsistent with the placement of information. On one end, you had already been tackling how vital water is - on the other side, you were already focused on other minute details. Bear in mind that you need to have a more dedicated and structured approach. Take your time to prioritize information.
## investment on public transport

  
  
**Some people think governments should spend money on faster means of public transport. However, others think money should be spent on other priorities (e.g cost, environment...) Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
It is thought that governmental budget should be allocated on faster means of public transport, while others advocate to different priorities such as its price and environmental effects deserve to be financed rather than its speed. From my perspective, there are other elements should be concerned rather than the fastening the speed of public vehicles.  
  
On the one hand, quicken the speed of public transport supports the general population to save their commuting time. In fact, most people now tend to opt for subway train and bus services to go to work. They will be in an adequate health status to start working if it were not for struggling on road with congestion. However, the high speed is not in accordance with some people whose physical health can not adapt to it. For example, the local community sometimes may find taking metro dizzy or sick due to its speed at great height.  
  
On the other hand, a great number of opponents of fastening the transportation argue that other urgent problems, namely, cost and environment, should be financially invested. If public transports achieve widespread acceptance, the price is believed to decrease to facilitate all people to utilize. In addition, the cut down on petrol and parking expenses will save not only a large amount of money for users but also preserve environment. Thanks to the usage of communal vehicles, there will be a significantly drop in the emission of carbon footprint.  
  
In conclusion, people are overall beneficial from the governmental investment on public transport. Nevertheless, I believe that money spent on other priorities such as cost and environment is better than fastening its speed.
@thunguyen92  
Hi there. Thanks for approaching us again! I'll be happy to assist you in going through this essay.  
  
First and foremost, I appreciate the straightforward approach in the first paragraph. You were effective in translating your opinion against the thread of reality that your writing is dealing with.  
  
However, I do recommend trying to compartmentalize your body paragraphs. If we take a look at the second paragraph, we're faced with numerous irrelevancies throughout. The second to third sentence could have been merged into a smaller chunk of text. Alongside this, the example utilized was ineffective in supporting the thesis statement. Try to accommodate to this by ensuring that the example is closer to the major thought of the essay.  
  
The same goes for the second paragraph.  
  
Conclusive paragraphs should be more than merely giving a final opinion or verdict on the essay's analysis. Instead, take this opportunity to discuss the rationale in a different level. Communicate why you think that investing in other means is better than fastening the speed.
## changes in modes of travel in England between 1985 and 2000

  
  
The table illustrates data about changes in types of travel in Britain over a 15-year period.  
  
Roughly speaking, there was a significant increase in average travelling distance for British people from 1985 to 2000. In addition, travelling by car remained the most popular transport tool in both years.  
  
It is clear from the table that among the 8 categories of transport method, car accounted for the longest distance in miles traveled per person per year, reaching as high as 3,199 miles and 4,806 miles in the year 1985 and year 2000 respectively. By contrast, Taxi and bicycle remained the least popular option for people in England over the same period, which represented 13 miles and 51 miles in 1985, and 42 miles and 41 miles in 2000 respectively.  
  
It is particularly noticeable that of all types of transport, only three of them, including walking, bicycle and local bus, showed a downward trend in usage. However, looking from an overall point of view, the average distance traveled by British people experienced a rise from 4,740 miles to 6,475 miles.  
  
*
@alice1426  
Hey there, it's nice to see you around here again! I'm here to provide a comprehensive feedback on this essay. I hope that it assists you in your writing endeavors.  
  
First and foremost, there were some unnecessary fillers that you had placed throughout the essay. While these are generally alright, when you're working with such word limitations, I would opt that you avoid them. For instance, the introductory phrasing of the first paragraph's initial sentence can be removed. While these may be small details in comparison to the rest of your content, they truly do impact your writing in the long-run.  
  
Furthermore, be more consistent with your usage of capitalization. Bear in mind that you should have a more detailed approach to writing by this point. Small slip-ups such as this can immensely affect your writing.  
  
Furthermore, the rest of the content could be improved by focusing more on a generalized analysis rather than nit-picking information.