dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hi, your writing is clear and understandable, but I think you have to refer to the diagram more in your report. I expected to hear "the diagram shows", "the diagram displays" and so on. It might also be good to give an overview of the diagram. Say something like "The diagram is laid out in a rough circle, with the life stages progressing in a counter-clockwise manner. A separate rectangular area at the bottom of the diagram compares the size of the salmon in its three life stages: fry, smolt, and adult."  
  
Here are some other suggestions:  
  
The diagram illustrates the circle of life {"circle of life" is not really correct - maybe "the various stages a particular species of fish called the salmon passes through during its lifetime ..." } for a specific fish name salmon  
  
... to become adult salmon {the plural of salmon is salmon - also the diagram includes the part of their lives when they are still eggs, it does not start "the day they come out of eggs"}  
  
kind of fish can be found  
  
After about 5 to 6 months they hatch and become fry and their length grows to 3-8 cm.  
  
migrate to the lower part  
  
they become smolt of 12-15 cm in length.  
  
experiencing the open sea  
  
they become adult salmon with a length of 70-76 cm.  
  
the river to lay their eggs  
  
from being born as fry, to reproducing through laying new eggs  
  
as adult salmon.
## Advocating the school system

  
  
topic: **Some people feel that boarding schools are an excellent opinion for children, while others disagree for a number of reasons. consider both sides and reach a conclusion**  
  
answer:  
Boarding schools have been popular among many countries since the past. there have existed endless comments on whether this kind of school is the ideal choice for students. this essay will debate both sides of this topic and reach a concluding view.  
  
Advocates of this school system would argue that this is an excellent paradigm for children to comprehensively develop. Obviously, living with peers and without parents can train kids into self-reliant, independent, confident and sociable civilians who can manage things by themselves in most situations in life as well as have a wide net of friends and better communication skill. In addition, this can also benefit busy parents having a little amount of time for their families. Saving time driving kids from home to school and back, preparing quality meals and helping kids out with loads of homework can exemplify this advantage.  
  
In contrast, there are reasons to disapprove of this syllabus. Away from family has never been easy, even with adults, let alone the premature. Without parental guidance and surveillance, children can suffer from insufficient nutriented dietary plan, as well as some can be spoiled by heinous people provoking them to take drugs, alcohol and neglect their study. Combined with peer pressure and stress gained from studying, students may find it desparate and hold a pessimistic view about life.  
  
In conclusion, although boarding school forms a brilliant environment for children's development and bring several benefits to busy parents, it appears that this school system's drawbacks outweigh its advantages as students may be disoriented during their school years.
Linh, you need to practice how to paraphrase the original prompts. The one that you created for this essay is not really accurate and shows sentence structure errors. Compare your paraphrase with mine:  
  
*Some parents believe that boarding schools have major benefits for their children. Others believe that there are some specific considerations that make boarding schools a bad idea for their children. This essay will discuss the pros and cons of boarding schools and present an opinion at the end.*  
  
Now, refer back to the properly worded prompt from the original (as your version of the original prompt is obviously faulty, incomplete, and not the original prompt presentation either) and then read what you wrote, then what I wrote. You should see which version is a more accurate paraphrase of the original. Don't worry, you should get better at it with practice.  
  
Your reasoning is sound for both points of view and you have drawn an acceptable conclusion to the presentation. However, you wrote only one long sentence for your conclusion instead of the more score considerate 3-5 sentence presentation. You need to write more sentence in order to allow yourself the opportunity to prove your LR and GRA abilities for higher scoring consideration.  
  
One overall observation, you have a tendency to write run-on sentences. This will result in a sentence that doesn't make sense to the reader because he is not given an opportunity to remember, consider, and understand what has been written. This will result in a low GRA score for you. Always split up your sentences into topic and discussion sentences. Keep it short but informative in order to create more simple and complex sentence representations in your essay. You will score better in that instance.
\*P/s: The full topic is: " *Some people enjoy changes and look forward to new experiences, others like their lives to stay the same and not want to change their usual habits.Compare these two approaches to life. Which appoach do you prefer ?*  
  
## the positive view of change

  
  
There are various tendencies in the way people encounter to problems in life.Some people appreciate adjustments and they contemplate to different acquaintances, while others take satisfaction in making their activities in the same manner and do not want to shift.In this essay, i will discuss both sides of the argument and represent my opinion.  
  
To begin with, the idea of confronting new experiences is quite attractive for two main reasons.First, a new awareness can only be achieved by undergoing new advances.To become the best in the fields which people expect to work , they have to be challenged with different and new questions or situations.By training with this method, people will improve their ability to solve the problems more wisely and quickly.One illustration of this is that if people want to be a scientist who can invent something modern, they should be able to adjust and take full advantage of modifications to finally base on it and create inventions.Second, being entertained with changes is also an ideal way to enjoy life to the full.If people's activities repeated continuously, life would be boring and no inspiration.Therefore, modification is a key to solve this issue because it will help people to find new opportunities, to overcome obstacles and to enjoy diverse and beautiful factors.For instance, people can travel to a new country to learn new things and thus not only improve their knowledge but also make them happier, more self-confident and more persistent.  
  
However, the public who are fond of static lives do show some persuasive arguments.It goes without saying that a life without or little changes is really peaceful and safe.In other words, these people avoid facing with difficulties and risks; they do not want to spend their days with worries and plans.For instance,normal employees often choose to do a boring job but with a high salary instead of working at their favourite fields but just can get a living wage.Besides, a durable lifestyle will protect people's health efficiently because these ones often look at problems with uninteresting eyes, so they do not intend to concentrate on with great deal of doing and time,hence their energy can be unaffected.  
  
In conclusion, both sides have its own valid reasons, but i am in favor of the positive view of change as it is a main reason for human evolution.Without changes, people could not break their limit to acquire more knowledge and thus the society would not be able to refine and the general public might face up to unsolved issues.
Trong, the standard format for an IELTS essay test requires 5 paragraphs of 5 sentences each. the format of which is as follows:  
  
1. Prompt restatement  
2. Opinion 1  
3. Opinion 2  
4. Personal Opinion  
5. Closing statement  
  
Each paragraph should contain only one line of discussion because of the 5 sentence maximum requirement. The format for each body paragraph is:  
1. Topic sentence  
2. Reason  
3. Supporting statement 1  
4. Supporting statement 2  
5. Example  
  
In some instances, the supporting statement can be cut back to just 1 sentence so you will have around 3-4 sentences in that paragraph. Not really ideal but it will still get a decent scoring consideration provided your discussion is always as complete as the ones that you presented in this practice essay.  
  
You need to remember that your personal opinion should never be bundled into the concluding statement because it doesn't allow for the proper closure of the discussion. The focus of the closing paragraph is a reverse summary of the opening statement. This time, repeat the prompt, summarize the discussion, then repeat your opinion. End of story.  
  
This essay is pretty strong and, if it were not for the scoring considerations that are based on preset parameters, it could have gotten you a very high score. The main problem, is that you did not properly represent the opening statement. Let me show you how it should be done:  
  
*It is said that people try to live their lives based on 2 different considerations. The first, is that one should know how to deal with the evolution of life and in the process, enjoy the new adventures it offers. The other, is life should not be subject to adjustments so that their routines do not change. In this essay, I will compare these two points of view on life and then present a statement about which approach I feel suits me best.*  
  
It is important that you stick to the original prompt discussion and present a proper outline to help you keep track of how to discuss the essay in the succeeding paragraphs. By using synonyms in place of the original keywords, you increase your LR score and allow for a higher GRA score because of the mix of simple to complex sentences in one paragraph. All of these are considered in the final scoring stage.
## populations of Yemen and Italy

  
  
***The charts below give Information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy In 2000 and projections for 2050.  
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.***  
  
The pie charts illustrate the population distribution in age, of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050. Various changes can be seen in these figures. In this essay, I will distill the key points to make informative comparisons.  
  
Overall, Yemen was much younger than Italia in 2000, and will be all the more so in 2050. In any given year, the overwhelming majority of population in Yemen was, or will be younger than 60. By comparison, a significant proportion of Italians were already 60 or older in 2000, and the figure will be even higher in 2050.  
  
In 2000, people under 14 made up a bare majority - 50.1% - of population in Yemen, a larger share than 46.3% for those aged 15 to 59, and 3.6% for those 60 or older. In 2050, youths and middle-aged citizens will constitute the largest population group. They are forecast to account for 57.3% of the total, compared with 37.0% for babies and teenagers, and 5.7% for elders.  
  
The spread of population across each age bracket is quite different in Italy. Only 11.5% of Italians will be under 14 in 2050 - even lower than 14.3% in 2000. The share of people age 15 to 59 is also projected to plummet from 61.6% in 2000, to 46.2% to 2050. By contrast, the share of older people will nearly double from 24.1% in 2000, to 42.3% in 2050, strengthening its position as the second largest age group.  
  
**243 words**  
  
*
Gang, you seem to have developed an affinity for the word "distill". You are limiting your LR capacity at the moment. I believe this is the second essay where you have decided to use this word. Try to vary it up. Look up other words for distill and check if the meaning of each word can be used as a replacement word in the essays you will be writing. Don't get hung up on one word for all your essays. Even if it sounds good. You need to grow your vocabulary range. Remember that.  
  
Good work on the trending statement. Since the Task 1 essay doesn't require a concluding paragraph, you placed it in the most appropriate place where it can have most effect on your score in terms of TA considerations. The fact that you knew not to go over the maximum word count shows that you are conscious of the scoring parameters as you write the essay. It seems like writing these essay have become almost second nature to you already. I am rightfully impressed.  
  
One thing though, when you mention the year, it is more appropriate to say " in the year 2000" as a reference point. Remember, this is a topic sentence so indicating the year shows what the discussion is all about. Simply saying "In 2000" could mean just about anything in a general statement. It is alright to say "In 2050" because you already established that you are referring to year references in the paragraph.  
  
Overall, your writing is getting smoother and the mistakes are almost negligible. I dare say that you are well prepared to take the test anytime you want and you will be assured of passing it.
@Holt  
Thank you for your corrections. I'll improve my writing accordingly.  
  
As a English learner, I have been reading the New York Times, the Economist, BBC, VOA and other leading news sites for two years. But I had always a hard time to apply my learning. The consequence is that I doubted my capacity from time to time. It is under your guidance that I can put my knowledge into practice now. I appreciate your generosity and admire your encyclopaedic knowledge.  
  
Next time I will use another word to replace "to distill". To be sure. Now my goal is to come across as a English native speaker when my writing is examined. :)  
  
Frankly, I was amazed when I finished the post. There was no pause. I wrote it smoothly.  
Quite happy. :)
Hamza, I think your essay is more about why US government should enforce gun control laws more stricter while the prompt implies you want to discuss why each of these opinions might be true. The reference you made to the Friedman's article, affects the whole essay to the end where I thought it is a report on the article.  
  
Terrorism~~. Ironically~~, that is ... gun-control laws encourage.  
A study shows that imposing waiting periods for handgun ...  
Hope these are helpful.
Hamza, this research / opinion paper is tremendously one sided in presentation. Any research paper that wishes to inform its reader must do so by properly representing, discussing, and opining on both sides of the issue. For example, when you say that the government did nothing after the Las Vegas shooting but does something when ISIS attacks internally, you need to follow up those claims with clear supporting examples and reasoning. Aside from that, you also need to do research on what type of reaction did come out of the government and present it in line with the discussion regarding gun control. For example, the local police were in charge of the Las Vegas investigation for a time before higher authorities came into play. When an act of violence has the trademark signs of ISIS, the FBI and Homeland Security immediately step in. Then there is the question of how these guns were purchased and what existing gun control laws already exist. One of the major discussion points your research should prove or disprove is that, based upon research and other sources, that there are either enough or not enough gun control measures passed by congress and what is preventing its proper implementation, aside from the NRA and other connected lobby groups.  
  
As a commentary on a single article, the essay is strong, as a comparative argument, it is one sided and weak. It does not have enough resources cited in order to give credence to your opinion in the paper. In order for your argument to be effective, you must show evidence of the weakness from the other side. Your reader cannot just take the opinion of one writer or two writers who share the same opinion and then consider that the gospel truth.
**Choose one of the following transportation vehicles and explain why you think it has changed people's lives.  
automobiles, bicycles, airplanes  
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.**  
  
Transportation plays an important role in the human life. Several forms of transportation have invented by mankind but in my opinion, the invention of the airplane was a milestone in human history. It affects many aspects of our life including time, distance, and safety. Here I explain how each of these factors has changed by the introduction of the airplane.  
  
The invention of a flying device enabled us to spend less time traveling around the world. Before the invention of the airplane, it took months or even years for a person to travel to another part of the world, while now this device allows us to go to another continent in a matter of hours. For instance, it took almost two years to go from the United States to Asian countries like Thailand in the past. Furthermore, an interesting fact about the airplane is that using an airplane you can follow the sun around the world. In other words, you will see no sunset if you fly at the right speed along the sun around the world.  
  
In addition, it has changed the concept of long distances. In the past, a distance of five or six thousand seemed long but now, even a ten thousand kilometer distance is nothing to us because we can arrive there quite soon. Therefore, in our era, the notion of distance has changed for us. For instance, in these days, when we say a place is remote we mostly think of inter-planet distances.  
  
Finally, airplane improved our travel safety standards. For example, many engineers and technicians will check the airplane components in order to ensure their functionality. Moreover, as opposed to automobiles or bicycle, many safety measures are applied to the airplanes. For example, a driver in a car is the sole person who is responsible for the safety of passengers but in case of an airplane besides pilots, many other entities like control tower on earth and many radars are responsible for our safety.  
  
In conclusion, the introduction of airplane affects our lives in many ways. It allows us to safely travel longer distances in a shorter amount of time and that is why I think it has changed our lives compare to other transportation vehicles.  
  
[373] 45min
**Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world.  
Do you think this is a positive or negative development?**  
  
## country losing its identity by selling foreign products

  
  
In today's world, people can purchase goods from another country with just one click or phone call. There are people who think that this is a bad incident because it will change the countries to become more look alike. It is a controversial discussion and thinks it is a negative progress. I am going to talk about it in more details in following paragraphs.  
  
On one hand, each country has its own unique culture that fits best for their people. The culture includes of how they dress and what they use. For example, the culture in my country is to wear hijab, it is a way of dressing and it is specific to here. I think foreign clothes are not the best choice here, but they are available and affecting the way people dress directly. In my opinion, a country that loses its traditions will be left with nothing the future.  
  
On the other hand, there are a few countries in the world that have strong industries, when people buy everything from other countries, it certainly going to help these countries economy. Instead, it will kill the local industries, because they can not compete against countries like China. For instance, in a period in my country, it was trending to use foreign products instead of our own goods. It led to a huge disaster in the economy and lots of companies became broke.  
  
In conclusion, two ideas were presented in this essay. Overall, I think using foreign products can have bad effects on the countries. The country will both lose their identity and economy.  
  
(265 Words)
Hello @just\_writer, Here are my suggestions:  
It is a controversial ~~discussion~~issue and I thinks it is a negative progress.  
I think your reasons are off topic because the topic asked: In your opinion why having similar countries [as a result of globalization] is a negative or positive development?  
  
If it is a negative development the two reasons can be : 1.It destroys cultural diversity among countries 2. It weakens local industries because they cannot compete strong industrial countries
*The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying fulltime or part-time.*  
  
The bar chart provided indicates the figure for males and females in more education in Britain in three periods and their studying modes.  
  
As the gender was concerned, the males with further education were around 1000 thousand (K) in 1970/71 and 800K in 1980/80 respectively, while the females with that were only approximately 750K in 1970/71 and 800K in 1980/81. There was a wide gap between males and females in these two periods. Following that it is remarkable that those women having further education rebounded by 300K, at 1100K, which was overwhelmingly higher than that of men (850K).  
  
Moreover, it is also noticeable that the people studying part-time education were much more than those studying full-time education. Those who studied part-time education were more or equal to 1000K in both genders in 1980/91, whereas those who studied full-time education were fewer or equal to 200K.  
  
Overall, it illustrates the continuous needs of further education from 1970/71 to 1990/91. The people accepting part-time education is higher than full-time education a lot, although there were the stable rises in those accepting full-time education from 1970/71 to 1990/91.  
  
**This is my second time to do ielts writing task 1, plz rate my writing and give some suggestions to me. THX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**  
  
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