dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The summary overview and trending statement would have been better scored had it properly used the listing of services as a part of the summarized information. The trending statement in particular would have seen a more comprehensive presentation had the listing been used throughout the summary and trending statements. The summary sentence would have also gained better scores had it used less of a run-on presentation and more of a single idea per sentence presentation. The latter format allows the writer to display more sentence development control in a critical point of the presentation.  
  
The reporting paragraphs are good but not well analyzed. The writer neglected to create report references to overlapping data and equivalency points where the information presented indicated similar data. Since the report should make comparisons where relevant, mentioning at least one or two of these points would have served as a scoring boost. Look for minute similarities next time to help show a critical analysis of the image presented.
## Today, TV channels show more men's sports than women's sports.

  
***Why is this the case? Should TV channels give equal time for women's sport and men's sport?***  
  
There is no doubt that sports have always been one of the favorite channels among viewers. As of late, it is arguably said that TV often broadcasts male sports more than women's ones. There are a few reasons behind this phenomenon. However, I am of the belief that TV channels should allot equal time for both genders.  
  
It is understandable why TV channels are much favourable to male sports. Obviously, the appearance of men is physically stronger than women and their competitive spirit is more fiercely aggressive, which makes them look more attractive, drawing significant viewerships than females as a result. In addition to the physical advantages, organizations lean towards investing in men's sports instead of women's. Therefore, they get more chances to show up on TV. Football is the case in point. Regardless of the equal participation of both genders, the tournaments included males always attract viewers more than their counterparts.  
  
Nevertheless, I am of the opinion that TV channels should strike a balance between the broadcast time for women and men. Their involvements not only encourage other females to engage in sports but also creates sexual equality. Apart from this, females today compete as fiercely as males during playing sports, which is reinforced by the number of victories that they gained in the past. Last but not least, females could also acquire lucrative income based on advertisements that stem from the intense of TV appearances.  
  
To conclude, the advantages of physic and the priority from organizations are two driving factors behind the regular intensity of men's sports. However, I would contend that it is necessarily important to be dedicated the same time to females as their counterparts due to proposed justifications.
There are times when a restatement requires 2 sentences, there are times when it needs 3 sentences in the presentation. The common denominator for both is that the first sentence never indicates any sort of personal opinion from the writer. The first sentence in this paragraph does exactly that, reducing the accuracy of the restatement and the possible points awarded for that section due to information inaccuracy.  
  
The question response is also incomplete as no reasons for the occurence were provided. so the personal opinion presentation can only recieve a partial score as well. Where there are 2 questions presented, 2 responses must be provided in the forum of the thesis statement.  
  
The discussion paragraphs and concluding summary are up to the task and will receive proper scores. It is the weakness of the first paragraph that will reduce the overall score.
## summarise the information from the graph

  
  
The bar chart compares and contrasts data on the changes in the number of working people in five main industries in Canada in the year 1850 and 2020.  
  
A closer look at the diagram highlights the fact that nowadays Canadian preferred to work in services and constructions industries rather than manufacturing, agriculture/fishing and energy/water fields.  
  
In 1850, the percentage of Canadian workforces in manufacturing was above those of other fields, but it declined dramatically from 36% to just 9% in 2020. Agriculture and energy industries also showed a decrease in the proportion of employees who interested in those fields. The number of Canadian that had job related to agriculture fell considerably by 21% to become the industry that need the least workers, which was just 1%. Moreover, energy industry also have the same percentage of agriculture one in 2020, but it just dropped slightly by 2%.  
  
The fields that attracted modern citizen more is services and construction. The proportion of working people in Canada chose services field increased significantly to 81% in 2020, 48% more than that in 1850. In addition to this, there was also a small rise in the number of people working in construction industry from 5% to 8% in 2020.  
  
*
The task 1 essay focuses on the ability of the writer to analyze and present the results of the measurement in a factual manner. His personal opinion should never be present in the report. Therefore, points will be deducted for any statement of fact stemming from a personal perspective such as   
  
highlights the fact that nowadays  
. That should be reworded to remove the reference to "highlight" and "fact". Referencing a trend in one of several ways would be more acceptable.  
  
The writer should have completed this report within 175 words only since it is only a 20 minute task. The writer will be unable to complete more than 200 + words during the actual test. It is the writer's mistaken assumption that the word count will make him pass the test. Rather, it created constant redundancies in the presentation that indicate a lack of thought clarity and analytical ability along with problems in sentence formation. All of which recieve scores while the word count does not.
Hi there, I have a few suggestions for your essay. Hope it helps!  
  
1. It's better to have 2 sentences for the overview to ensure the required minimun length of 150 words. In this case, I suggest stating 2 highest industries in 2 years  
  
2. "... who interested in those fields" => "in those fields" is wordy since you stated the category before.  
3. "The number of Canadian that ... => 3 mistakes in this sentence  
- Use "percentage" instead of "number" because you are referring to %  
- a job, singular noun must have an object before it  
- Canadian => Canadians, the correct structure is "The number/percentage/proportion/... + of + plural nouns+..."
Topic:  
## Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems.

  
***To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think might be effective?***  
  
It is understandable that many people believe that the increase in the cost of petrol is the most effective solution to the growing traffic and pollution issues. From my perspective, I partly agree with this theory because I think there are other measures which are applicable to this situation.  
  
The growth in the price of petrol may bring some benefits to the traffic and the environment. Firstly, it will force a part of the residents to use other sources of energy which are cheaper and more environmentally friendly. For instance, more and more citizens will travel to work by bike or  
  
the rich will adapt to buy an electronic car. Consequently, positively affect our surroundings as it will reduce the amount of CO2 emissions as well as other exhaust gas from traditional transportations which use petrol. Secondly, it will promote the developments of useful technologies which can be used instead of gasoline engines.  
  
However, there are still some possible solutions which do not involve the increase in petrol price. First of all, the governments should encourage the residents to use eco-transportations, especially bicycles. These means of transport do not produce harmful gas to the environment and also reduce the traffic jams in rust hours. The Netherlands is the country which most successfully applied this paradigm and it becomes one of the most livable cities without air pollution. To achieve so, propagation should be used widely for the citizens to understand more about the advantages of bikes and therefore create a bicycle-societies. Furthermore, working tools should be quickly replaced by modern technologies, which are more productive and also friendlier to the environment.  
  
To reiterate, I believe that despite the benefits that the increase in petrol price creates with the traffic and pollution issues, it is not sustainable and there are more effective ways to solve these problems.
It is important that the essence of the original topic presentation is preserved in the rewording of the writer. That means, the writer should avoid making personal opinion references such as "it is understandable" when depicting the topic presentation. That is because such statements create an immediate discussion presentation where it is not needed nor required. The original topic must be a simple restatement, devoid of the writer's point of view. The point of view should be stated only when depicting his personal opinion in the later part of the paragraph.  
  
When stating his opinion, the writer must avoid making a statement of uncertainty such as "I think" because the score of the paragraph will also depend on the clarity and strength of his response to the question. When uncertain references are made, that indicates that the writer does not have a clear opinion of the given topic. Additionally, he must not restate the last instruction provided for the writing. Instead, a specific solution should have been indicated as the secondary response topic for the 2 discussion paragraphs.  
  
When expanding on a presented reason, it is important that the writer avoids presenting a secondary topic towards the end of the paragraph that he will not have the space nor time to properly build up in relation to the previously presented statement. That creates an under developed paragraph presentation and causes deductions in the cohesiveness and coherence score. It is better to have one fully developed explanation than one fully developed and one merely mentioned topic sentence in a paragraph. This could very well be the reason the essay may receive an overall failing score.
@phanhuusang  
I have a few sugestions for your essay. Hope it helps!  
  
- "consequently, positively affect our surroundings..." => this sentence doesn't have subject, which is gramaticallywrong  
- "...solutions which do not involve the increase in pertrol" => I think this sentence is not natural, try another way  
- rust hours => rush hours  
- the "working tools" idea => not persuasive and clear, alo not separate from other ideas. Since most of your ideas are not well developed (just circling on "environmental friendliness"), you may not receive high marks.
## the number of films produced in five countries

  
  
The chart compares and contrasts data on the changes in the number of films produced in five countries over a period of three years.  
An overview of the diagram reveals that the number of films produced by A and D countries witnessed an upward trend over a period surveyed while the reverse was true for countries B, C and E. To specify, country A had the highest number of films produced.  
  
In the year 2007, the number of films produced in country A was 86 films. This figure stayed stable one year later before slow decrease to nearly 80 films in 2009. In the addition, the figure for country D saw a decline slight from 15 films in 2007 to 9 films in 2008 and this figure increased marginally to 12 films in 2009.  
  
On the other hand, the reverse was true for countries B, C and E. The year 2008, saw a rose slightly from 50 films to 52 films in 2009, after 50 films increased in the first years, climbed to about 70 films in the following three years. the period also a rise slow in the number of films produced in country C to 8 films in 2007 to 14 films in 2008. Subsequently, there was a saw dramatic growth of the films produced to 17 films. Similarly, the figure for country E grew slightly to 9 films in 2007 to 10 films in 2008 before the whose figure increased to 11 films in the end in 2009.  
  
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A chart is different from a diagram. A chart represents a given measurement for a specific series of comparisons. A diagram presents an illustration of development or creation instructions. Incorrect use of the terms or interchanging the use of the terms chart and diagram will cause point deductions due to improper word usage and confusing presentation formats.  
  
The writer failed to completely identify the image presented. As there there are several types of charts represented in actual reports, the report must contain a specific image identification such as "a columnar bar chart" in this instance. Incomplete identification will result in a lower accuracy score.  
  
There is also a difference between an overview and a trend. An overview refers to a general outline or summary. A trend indicates a general course representation. The second paragraph is a trending paragraph, not a summary overview.  
  
Problems with word usage, due to the author's unfamiliarity with actual terminologies in reference to their meaning will cause lower than expected scores for this essay. The constant incorrect word usage tends to create a confusing report that is not aligned with the original presentation.
## IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - money for health care

  
  
**It is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on treatment It is believed that the investment of money in health promotion is more crucial than the treatment of people who are already ill To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
It is believed that the investment of money in health promotion is more crucial than the treatment of people who are already ill. In my opinion, I disagree with this view as both the former and the latter have the same importance.  
  
Admittedly, there are many good reasons to say that spending money on enhancing a healthy lifestyle is a good way to prevent us from illness. This is predicated on the assumption that when we have healthy diets, and do exercises on a regular basis can improve our overall health. One might argue that only those who have enough finance can purchase salubrious food, and equipment to do exercises. However, this line of reasoning is not sound as people can eat at home, which is cheaper than using fast food and readily-made meals, and they can resort to do other cost-effective activities such as running or jogging rather than doing gym.  
  
I am of the opinion that ill people need to have treatments and be spent an equal amount of money. The key reason is there are certain kinds of people should have special treatments. For example, those suffering from incurable diseases such as heart disease or cardiovascular disease, their bodies are required to undergo various treatment stages with medical equipment. Moreover, in economically disadvantaged countries, the phenomenon of lacking medical equiments and budget to meet the requirements of treatment is apparent, thus, spending money on treating ill people is utterly necessary.  
  
In conclusion, both peoples's lifestyles and treatments should be funded equally as the former can help us reduce the potential of suffering while the latter could help patients have better methodologies to cure.
The infomation provided in the original prompt was represented properly in the reworded paragraph. That is a plus for this presentation. However, the minus comes from the inadequate response of the writer to the extent question. There are 2 reasons for the inadequacy in the presentation:  
  
1. The writer only disagreed with the opinion provided. The expected measured / emotional response is missing from the final answer. The response will only receive partial scoring due to the incomplete nature of the response format.  
  
2. While it will be acceptable for the writer to take a "middle of the road" response to the question, the lack of thesis statement presentation based on topic reasoning made the response incomplete.  
  
The writer has wasted the second paragraph as a scoring consideration. Rather than presenting acceptable reasons for the discussion of a specific opinion, he chose to create an elaborate 2nd introduction to the topic instead. It will not receive any scoring consideration. This leaves the discussion under developed in totality.  
  
The opinion the writer presents in the second paragraph does not support his previous claim in his opinion statement. This discrepancy will result in a failed discussion score in reference to the coherence and cohesiveness of the overall paragraphs. The writer has not written a passing score essay. There is no clear connection between the original discussion points and the discussion essay the writer created.
## effect of making by few an extremely huge profit comparing to others

  
  
Nowadays, the fact that some individuals can make an extremely huge profit compared to others has resulted in a controversy whether it will benefit the country or government should take actions to prevent the consequences it may bring about. In my opinion, I believe these two sides have their strengths and drawbacks.  
  
On the one hand, the nation and its people can gain significant benefits from those earning an excessive amount of money. Firstly, the higher salaries individuals earn, the more personal income tax they pay to the government's budget, which will be expended for public facilities and services. Additionally, many rich people often spend their property for charitable activities such as donations, building schools for orphans, helping the homeless and people with difficult circumstances, and so on. More importantly, these high-income people earn their livings, which also benefit the others, mostly by their ability as well as time and endeavor they have spent that may be far more than the rest, which makes it justifiable for them to make such a profit. Thus, it is reasonable for the government to support a few people to keep earning high salaries to some extent.  
  
On the other hand, individuals with extremely high incomes in comparison with the others have brought about some significant social issues, particularly the inequality gap between rich and poor. With a large amount of money, the rich have more means to earn more such as investment, relationships, and so on, whereas the poor have lesser and lesser ways to make a living. As a result, the rich get richer, and the poor is poorer, leading to social conflicts, even violent activities. For instance, in the USA, the gap is growing considerably between rich and poor in recent years, with 80 percent of the total nation's property belonging to 1 percent of citizens. Especially due to the COVID-19 pandemic, while the rate of unemployment increases substantially, more and more billionaires have appeared. Consequently, there have been many protests, including violent ones, as well as robberies and even suicides. Therefore, it is urgent for the government to adjust the policy to reduce the gap, probably by controlling the amount one can earn.  
  
In conclusion, I believe people have their justification for their high salaries to some length, but it will bring not only benefits but also problems to the community. To solve the problems before it becomes sophisticated, adjustments should be performed by the government.
The first paragraph will lose points for lack of restatement clarity. The 2 public opinions must be presented as individual sentences to avoid long and confusing sentence meanings. The current structure indicates a lack of control over sentence formation on the part of the writer. The first part of the presentation offers a factual statement which indicates a writer's opinion rather than the sentiments of the ouginal prompt. something that should be avoided when completing the restatement part.  
  
The writer has not created a clear demarcation in the discussion paragraphs. It appears that both public opinion discussions come from the personal ideas of the writer. There is a lack of public justifications to the presentation as required by the original references to "some people" and "others". These 2 opposing sides must be presented clearly through the correct use of appropriate pronouns. Though the discussions will be given scores, it will not be as high as if these were properly formatted.  
  
The writer must never present his opinion as a conclusion. The concluding summary is not structured for additional discussion. Doing so will create an open-ended essay which could lead to a failing score. The concluding summary is an integral and import aspect of this essay that should never be incorrectly formatted.
## freedom of speech essay

  
  
There is one famous saying by George Orwell : " If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to say what they do not want to hear" , which I completely agree with and I suppose the freedom of speech is necessary in an open society.  
  
Human beings are those who have the emotions and the demand to share to one another. I believe that free of speech give chance for everyone the right to talk anything they would like in public as: newspapers. television channel, internet,.. Obviously, once people feel at ease to analyze the current affairs openly with friends, families, so people are satisfied with not refraining inside their heart the thoughts which may lead them to the tension and depression.  
  
As long as people are encouraged to point out and report the crime and disseminate it widespread into community, many senseless activities may by prevented ahead . Inevitably, this activity needs a high consistency and firm determination from the reporter. Although the crime declaration is unable to help decreasing the criminal ratio thoroughly ,it contribute to people the bravery, resilience and gives them the courage to overcome the common fear.  
  
Moreover, I think that a free society should have the compatible regulation on the freedom of speech to identify whether a speech is right or wrong on ethical standard. There is likelihood that some people autonomously declare fake news to deteriorate others' reputation . The misinformation may bring the devastating effect to ruin one's fame and may cause them the suicide.  
  
In conclusion, freedom of speech is essential for all democratic authority which helps developing a transparent and justice-oriented society that all people ever dream of.
I believe that the writer has meant this essay piece for as a task 2 response. In which case, although the word count is appropriate, the overall discussion format is not. For starters, there is no proper prompt restatement + personal opinion presentation in the first paragraph. There should not be an immediate discussion presented as yet in that section as it is only the interpretation of the topic that should be present along with a properly formatted personal opinion. There was no need to cite George Orwell in the presentation at all.  
  
Then, the writer presents a lack of personal support for his opinion. The uncertainty of his statements ( I suppose, I think), create a question in relation to clear opinion presentation and supporting facts. This shows a failure of reasoning on the part of the test taker. Since he cannot strongly support his opinions, he cannot convince the readers of the facts that create the foundation for his opinion.  
  
Overall, this is a weak essay that will not receive a high score due to the errors in presentation and formatting.