dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
*Hi, I will have the toefl test this week and am trying to improve my writing skill. I will be very appreciated if you guys can give comments on my content, grammar and word choice. Thank you in advance.*  
  
## trying new things

  
  
Should people do things that they do not enjoy doing? The answer to this question will assuredly vary from people to people. Some may support this statement believing that it can enrich our experiences, while others can oppose, arguing that we should focus on what we like and do best. Based on my own experiences as a youngster, I prefer the former opinion and agree that sometimes, we should do things we dislike. Below, I will give my arguments and examples to substantiate this point of view.  
  
In life, we usually like to indulge ourselves with pleasures even when they may not bring benefits to us, such as buying expensive phones despite a limited budget or skipping classes to hang out with friends. On the other hand, things that are not very enjoyable to execute can actually be beneficial. My personal experience with exercising can serve as an example. As a busy person juggling with work, study and social activities simultaneously, I usually ate out and rarely went to the gym. I was hesitant to exercise because it required much energy and effort. Moreover, I was already exhausted by other tasks. As a result, after four years living with this hectic lifestyle, I was diagnosed with high blood pressure disease, which forced me to alter my living condition and join more outing activities. Currently, with a proper eating diet and regular exercising schedule, I succeed in keeping my blood pressure in the average range. From this example, it can be seen that the things we do not enjoy doing can sometimes be of great help to us.  
  
What's more, trying new things not only broadens your horizon but also helps you discover your capabilities, especially when you are a teenager. As youngsters usually have an immature viewpoint of life, they may not make the wisest decisions. Thus, experiencing different things can teach them valuable lessons and guide them in the right direction. For instance, after finishing high school, I still could not make up my mind about my career path. Therefore, I decided to take a gap year and try various jobs and internships in order to discover my passion. Surprisingly, despite my unfavorable opinions of accountant and auditor, I realized that I truly enjoyed my accounting internship and excelled in all the tasks I was given. At the same time, the incident also taught me to be more open-minded and to never judge a book by its cover. As you can clearly see, doing things that seem not very exciting or enjoyable can open up many unexpected opportunities and bring us cherished lessons.  
  
Based on the above illustrations, I believe that people should sometimes do things they do not enjoy doing as it can be beneficial and broaden their horizon.
Trang, you have to provide the complete prompt to get feedback on the right structure.  
  
from ~~people to people~~ person to person  
~~On the other hand~~ However, things that are not very  
  
Your first sentence in body paragraphs confuses the reader, so I find the essay more understandable if you exclude them:  
~~In life, we usually like to .... On the other hand,~~ ....  
~~What's more, ... Thus,~~ ....
Trang, you cannot write more than 5 sentences per paragraph for this test. You should also do your best to write at least 4 paragraphs per prompt in order to allow yourself a better scoring consideration based upon your English presentation skills. At this point the essay is well developed, but I do not think you did the writing within the allotted time frame. Please make sure that you always practice your test essays within the time provided only because if you are not doing that, you will find yourself lacking for time during the actual test essay writing. If you had provided the original prompt that you were responding to, I could have been able to better direct your writing manner in a method that will allow you to discuss a strong essay within the given time frame. Right now, it seems that you over developed your discussions but I cannot pinpoint where the over discussions occurred. Your closing paragraph is also inaccurate because you are not representing a summary of the discussion as required in that section. That cannot be done in only one sentence.
**The Internet has dramatically altered our lives over the past few decades. Although some of these changes have been negative, the overall effects of this technology has been positive.  
  
What are your opinion on this?**  
  
## Life in the Era of Internet

  
  
Our lives has been changed by the Internet significantly in recent years. Despite some argued that the change have negative impacts to our lives, the others are convinced that the changes have made our lives better. I complete agree with the idea thatthe benefits of the Internet outweigh the drawbacks.  
  
Thanks to the Internet, our lives have became more efficient and convenient than ever before. Withe the help of internet, we are able to send messages to our friends on the other side of the earth by one click instead of waiting for days to receive a greeting. Secondly, it used to gave me headache to figure out the route to my destination regarding driving back and forth on the same intersection just to find a correct direction and spending tons of time to ask for local residents' directing. Travelling is so much easier with online maps nowadays. In addition, back in the time without internet service, it was a complex task to organize a trip. By read through piles and piles of traveling books for months to find out a perfect travel attraction would drained me out. Now, I can just type in few keywords and get all the information I need through the Internet. The best thing about collecting information by internet is the time i need to arrange my trip takes from months to just a couple days to complete. Life has became more efficient and easier because of the Internet.  
  
Despite there are few negative impacts caused by the Internet such as social-isolation and for some people that may result in poor time management because these people spent too much time on internet surfing. There are various social resources can be used to address the problems. And the people being effected are few.  
  
The Internet has changes our lives considerably in recent decades. I once again reaffirm my position that the Internet has positive impact to our lives over all.  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------  
1. Is my grammar correct?  
2. Did I use correct punctuation?  
3. Did I wrote complex structure sentence correctly?
Hi  
first of all here are some mistakes that i would like to mention:  
1- in the first paragraph, first line (despite some argued ) arguments  
2- in the first paragraph, first line (that the change have) changes have  
3- in the first paragraph, second line ( i complete agree) i completely agree  
4- in the second paragraph, first line(our lives have became) become  
5- again in the same line (whithe)  
6- on the other side of the world ??? not interesting.  
over all i checked two paragraphs and i thing more that it was not necessary because i could understand you.  
your grammar and writing is not as good, you need more and more learning grammar and practice  
in my opinion this essay is not so academic because you have a lot of mistakes.  
try to write carefully and more academically
There are a few grammatical mistakes, which I would like to highlight:-  
  
1st paragraph:-  
Our lives ~~has~~ have been changed by ...  
... the change ~~have~~  has  negative impacts...  
  
2nd paragraph:-  
..., our lives have ~~became~~  become  more efficient and ...  
With the help of the internet, we are...  
  
Secondly, it used to ~~gave~~  give  me headache to...  
  
... type in a  few keywords ...  
Life has ~~became~~ become  more efficient ...  
  
3rd paragraph:  
And the people being ~~effected~~  affected  are few.  
  
4th paragraph:-  
The Internet has ~~changes~~  **changed**  our lives ...
Lin, this essay will receive an automatic failing score because you did not discuss the essay in the manner provided by the original prompt. If you review the prompt, you will see that you were being required to create an opinion discussion essay. What you wrote was an agreement/disagreement essay. Those are two different essay discussion formats. If you will look at the following outline, you will see where your mistake came from:  
  
*Discussion Basis: Although some of these changes have been negative, the overall effects of this technology has been positive.  
Original Prompt Instruction: What are your opinion on this?  
Your Response: I complete agree with the idea that the benefits of the Internet outweigh the drawbacks.*  
  
The proper response to the prompt would have been: *My opinion is that the internet has more benefits than drawbacks.*  
  
One small mistake regarding your representation of your opinion discussion has forced a prompt change in your discussion, which will result in an altered presentation of the task requirements. Your TA score will be failing and as such, the rest of the scores will also be reduced to non-passing. You cannot be scored accurately on the remaining considerations because you did not show a proper understanding of the prompt in the first place.  
  
My advice to you is this; before you worry about your grammar, punctuation, and sentence structure problems, make sure that you can properly respond to the prompt instructions first. If you cannot understand the discussion you are required to make, having a good grasp of the 3 sections you indicated will not help you to pass the test.
## traffic jam and congestion problem

  
  
**Nowadays congestion and traffic jams are a common and major problem in most cities. Some people believe it is a good idea to construct wider roads to resolve this issue. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? What can be the solution, in your opinion?'**  
  
In the urban area, communities are suffering traffic congestion. There are some voices to argue the government should widen roads to solve this problem. In my opinion, I disagree with this solution. I honestly believe there is another efficient method to reduce the density of cars.  
  
There are three key reasons why increasing road lanes to resolve traffic jams is not the better idea. Firstly, most cities are already crowded, in other words, there is a limitation of space for wider roads. Secondly, the construction mostly is a time-consuming project. For example, land acquisition is an essential task by authorities before the roadwork, and it may force some individuals to move their house. After going through all these procedures, it may spend few years to finish. Finally, the government has to invest a considerable amount of money on expanding roads, in terms of the complicated of work.  
  
Rather than building lanes, I would suggest that government focuses on legislation for enforcing people to take public transportation instead of personal vehicles. Moreover, the legislature should consider the communities' budgets and commute time. For instance, they could use a mechanism of a monthly ticket to intrigue people take the train, metro system and buses at a cheaper price. Perhaps the government could, even more, provide the routes in discount period for public to choose, thus, they can prevent the crowded in some transports.  
  
In conclusion, widen roads is not an adequate suggestion to diminish the traffic jam and congestion problem. Comparing to the roadwork, building the law is more efficiency, and it not only directly benefits to civics but also is more practical in modern cities.
This essay looks quite good from my point of view, as I am not a professional writer, just another IELTS candidate like you. I will advise you something I read on an IELTS book, rather than firstly, secondly...just write first, second, it is the same and the last ones look better for IELTS essays. and just for adding something else, instead of "for example" use "for instance, such as" both look better than "for example" it is way too used already in IELTS essays. Good luck with your test, you look like a good prospect for high band scores!
Hi Kay. Maybe it is better to split your second paragraph into two and then provide a single reason in each with enough details.  
  
suffering from traffic congestion  
~~to~~that argue...  
~~In my opinion,~~ I disagree ...  
is not the ~~better~~best idea  
  
Rather than ... take public transportation instead of personal vehicles.[Add example]. Moreover, .....  
~~Perhaps the government could, even more,~~ In addition government could ...  
  
widening roads  
  
Hope these are helpful.
Kay, you did not paraphrase the original prompt enough for it to not be considered a plagiarism or cut and paste of the source material. You have not fully utilized the opening paraphrase in order to impress the reviewer with your English comprehension and vocabulary skills. While you did use keywords to indicate an understanding of the prompt, using synonyms in its place would have delivered a better score for your TA section. For example:  
  
*Urban developments are currently facing a traffic bottleneck. This situation has caused people to consider road widening projects in order to resolve the problem. I tend to disagree with this point of view. In this essay, I will justify my disagreement while presenting a possible quick fix to the situation.*  
  
Your opening paraphrase is the the most critical of your scoring considerations because that is the portion where all your English skills first come into play for consideration. Simple doing "good enough" rather than trying to "accomplish more" in terms of scoring isn't going to cut it. You have to show off at the very beginning in order to get the highest possible TA score that will catapult the rest of the scoring considerations as well.  
  
All of your discussion paragraphs are under developed because you only present ideas but do not discuss them thoroughly in order to prove your point. You need not present many reasons per paragraph. That is not what interests the examiner. What interests him is how well you can explain one train of thought in English. How effectively can you express yourself in the English language? That is why the rule of thumb is one reason per paragraph, supported by 2 or 3 evidence based sentences. The current presentation you have will lower your C&C and GRA scores.  
  
Your LR scores will also be affected because you are not using enough intermediate to advanced English words that would tell the examiner that you have the ability to develop well written paragraphs. If you had developed complex sentences by focusing on your explanations instead of your reasons, then the essay would have had a chance to gain a better LR score in relation to your GRA presentation as well.
## benefits of studying

  
  
Attending college and university has always been many people dream and it is a bridge for student to be more independent and sophisicated before get into the society. There are three main reasons for people to join college or university, experiencing the study-life, learning knowledge and preparing future career.  
  
First of all, as all people saying that study-life is the most happiest moment in our life journey, experiencing study-life before get into the society is a must. Universities and colleges playing the role of small community in real life, there are hundreds of small society group in the campus. For instance, music society, geography society, sport society and so on. Student can explore new interest via attending the activities and events held by the society.  
  
Secondly, university professor and tutor teach knowledge on specific topics and major. For student want to assimilate deeper knowledge of specific subject such as Social Science, Astronomy or Geography, they need to attend the lecture in university or college. In other words, going university not only can let the student focus on distinct subject, but also increase the ability of working after graduate.  
  
Lastly, universities and colleges provide more specific subject course that help student prepare their future career. Student can understand the industry by joining the lecture and in-class tutorial. Moreover, many programs usually have different out-class activities, such as visiting related company, study trips and workshops. On the other hand, internship and exchange program even broaden their horizons and it is a good chance for them to meet other student with similar study background.
Yau, I am not sure about the prompt that you are trying to respond to. You forgot to include the original prompt with the posting of your response so you have me at a disadvantage here. I have no rules or considerations to go by in assessing your work. The prompt was supposed to help me do that. Without it, I am not sure about how to rate your work. Please remember to attach it next time.  
  
As of now, I can tell you that the paragraphs are confusing in terms of content. I am confused as to what the actual topic sentences are. I am also lost as to whether or not your discussions apply to the given prompt. From the looks of it, you could be on track, based on the title that you used, but I can't be sure. The discussions you present don't sound like they have been fully discussed in the prompts because you are presenting way too much information per paragraph, without actually explaining these assumptions. It would be best if you always present one idea and the fully explain that reason instead. It removes the confusion and better directs the content of the paragraph.  
  
I repeat, these are just general observations due to the lack of the prompt requirement. I assure you that I will be able to better measure your work abilities with your second essay. Provided you remember to provide the prompt with your second essay.
Fixing grammatical errors. Lines in italic are my comments for you.  
  
"Attending college and university has always been many people's dream ~~and~~.  ~~it~~ College *(and University)* is a bridge for student to be more independent and ~~sophisicated~~ sophisticated before they get into the society. "  
  
"~~First of all~~ Firstly, as ~~all people saying~~ it is said that ... moment in ~~our~~ one's life ~~journey~~, experiencing ~~study-life~~ life in college before one gets into the society is a must."  
  
*When you have secondly and lastly in other paragraphs, for consistency sake we must use firstly and not first of all.*  
  
Universities and colleges play~~ing~~ the role of a small community ~~in real life~~, ~~there are~~  and the ~~hundreds~~ multitude of small society groups, such as music, geography and sport societies,  in the campus further adds to the sense of community. ~~For instance, music society, geography ...~~  
  
*Hundreds of societies in a college is just plain wrong. Multitude is a better word to show the scale. The last sentence quoted above is wrong as you were just giving nouns without completing the sentence. I incorporated it into the previous sentence.*  
  
For student who want to assimilate ......  
  
... going university can let the student not only focus ...  
  
Moved the noun (in green ) from inside the not only...but also to out of it ... be valid for but also part of the phrase.
Please find below the sentence correction which I would like to make:  
  
... is a bridge for the students to be ... and ~~sophisicated~~ sophisticated before getting into the society.  
  
This essay lack conclusion, please find below the conclusion which can be added to the essay:  
  
To conclude, the actual reason for attending a college or university can be different among individuals. In my opinion, students attend these institutions to shape up their career and to have a secure future. As in the current era, university degree is a prerequisite for employment in all the organisations.
## solutions for traffic jams issue

  
  
It is true that traffic jams bring many negative influences on our life today. Many people believe that authorities should use money for expanding and improving road in order to alleviate traffic congestion while others suppose it is better choice to spend the fund on building rail and subway network. In my view, I agree that, train and subway network plays a significant role in lessening traffic congestion for a long-term solution.  
  
On one hand, there are many reasons why government should invest money on building new roads to reduce the traffic jams issue. Firstly, it is easy for drivers to commute smoothly in roads which have multiple lanes. This could be because multi - lanes roads are able to cope with growing number of cars on road which existing road can not deal with. In addition, there are an increasing rapidly number of people living in inner - city. This leads to more individual cars are used on roads; therefore, building more and wider road is really necessary to tackle with the volume of traffic.  
  
On the other hands, constructing rail and subway network is considered as a long-term solution to reduce congestion due to some reasons. First and foremost, train and subway are capable of transporting not only hundreds of passengers simultaneously to reach their destination but also are likely to carry tons of things. It is obvious that without using hundreds private vehicles on the city, the road will be relieved the pressure on it. Furthermore, Trains and Subway have their own road. Thus, people can save a great amount of time instead of waiting time in the intersection and red light. In short, people are encouraged to used train in order to save time, money, and safer and the like.  
  
In conclusion, although traffic congestion can be addressed in certain level by building and improving road it seems to me that constructing rail and subway have a vital role to play in minimizing traffic jams for a long-term solution.
Duong, since this essay is obviously for an English exam, I believe this is for an IELTS exam right? You need to provide the full original prompt that you were given for this essay development in order to receive an accurate and relevant review of your work. The essay test is geared more towards making sure that you are not only able to express yourself in English, but that you also understood the instructions you were given for the discussion. Therefore, you need to share the original instructions with us in order to receive a qualified assessment of your work.  
  
Based upon the discussion that you presented in the body of the essay, it seems that you are being asked to discuss both points of view and then provide your own opinion. However your opening paraphrase does not indicate that. Which means that you did not accurately represent the prompt requirements in the paraphrase, this will lead to a reduced TA score on your part.  
  
While the discussion you provided may be on the mark in terms of discussion requirements, I can't be sure because you forgot to give us a copy of the original discussion instruction, that doesn't erase the mistake that you made in the representation of your personal opinion. It is important that you allot the 3rd discussion paragraph for your personal opinion discussion. That is because you need to make sure that you fully explain and provide supporting evidence for the side of the discussion that you support.  
  
One major weakness of your essay is that you try to discuss more than one topic per paragraph. In order to fully qualify the paragraph as fully developed, you must present only one topic for discussion with 2 sentences for supporting evidence and one example (if required or necessary). What you have right now are slightly developed paragraphs because you only present ideas, not fully developed discussion presentations.  
  
Please remember to provide the complete prompt when you post your next essay. It is something I need to read if I am to assist you in developing your writing skills in a proper manner. I look forward to reading your next essay.