dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## human activities have made wildlife vulnerable

  
  
It is claimed that the global environment has been severely encroached upon by human's interference, which results in a mass extinction of species and biodiversity loss. These damage can be attributed to several reasons and there are also some possible solutions for the issue.  
  
The two main causes of species' declines are habitat destruction and over-exploitation of natural resources. Firstly, clear-cutting for timber, farming land or urban expansion has done irrevocable damage to natural habitat. For example, it is reported that more than fifty percent of an original forest was converted to agricultural land by slash-and-burn. Moreover, if natural resources are seriously depleted, they will be degraded and running out. Consequently, different kinds of animals and plants will go extinct without human's recognition.  
  
However, many conservation approaches can be adapted to improve the situation. The authorities should bring out policies and laws to ban over-exploitation and poaching to prevent wild species from dying out. Another important way to protect the ecosystem is promoting people's environmental conscience by informing about the dangers and threats to human beings caused by biodiversity loss.  
  
In conclusion, human activities have made wildlife vulnerable and brought about the loss of biodiversity. Instead of worries or ignorance, people can gradually solve these issues by conservation and responsible awareness for environment.
You have presented an under developed essay discussion in reference to the discussion prompt. Having written only 213 out of the required minimum of 250 words indicates that you have not spent enough time developing your reasoning and solution discussion. Having read your full essay, the examiner will definitely judge the essay has not being full explained using appropriate reasons, examples, and other public information. An under developed essay, in terms of word count, will have a difficult time achieving the passing band score. You might achieve a passing band score with a complete 250 word presentation but not this one. The missing words will result in percentage deductions, with the errors in grammar and vocabulary forcing additional deductions.  
  
You have some pretty good reasoning paragraphs. You just need to learn to develop these presentations completely within the 5 maximum sentence mark. Using 5 sentences normally results in a fully developed paragraph presentation and, allows the examiner to fully judge your writing skills based on the scoring criteria. As of now, your essay isn't doing well based on the scoring considerations.
## Computers are often argued to be the most important invention of the last hundred years.

  
***To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?***  
  
It is true that in today's society, many people believe that among various innovation in the last hundred years, computers are considered to be the most crucial and noticeable invention. From my point of view, I partly agree with this idea.  
  
On the one hand, without a doubt, there are some reasons that explain why computers are highly appreciated. First, computers take part in numerous activities of people, ranging from study, work to relaxation and entertainment. For instance, in terms of study, reaseachs are much more easy for not only the students but also the teachers as computers are sefull devices allowing them to access a large amount of cost-free information on the internet. As a result, that could greatly enhance their academic performance.  
  
On the other hand, I suppose that not only computers are the key invention, but also there are several innovations as vital as it emerging in the last hundred years. From the perspective of environment, alternative sources of energy deserve more attention. As natural resources are become more and more exhausted, the creation of some renewable resources such as solar energy or wind energy are extremely necessary. Moreover, many funtion of computers could disappear without the invention of the Internet as it is not only the key helping computers to access the greatest source of information , but also the thing could connect people in all around the world, regardless of the distance.  
  
To sum up, although computers are one of the best thing that happen to our society, there are plenty of inventions that as important as it today.
This is not a comparative essay discussion. Why did you approach it as such? You cannot "partly" agree with the essay because the discussion requirement for this essay is a single opinion presentation. It is not a comparative discussion and can never be a comparative discussion because of the "extent" requirement based on only 2 questions, agree or disagree? When you say "partly" , you go against the TA scoring requirement of having a clear point of view. A person with a "partial" opinion does not have an opinion at all. So pick one opinion and defend it. The extent response refers to how well and strongly you can defend your opinion. This is done through the dispelling of the ideas that the opposite opinion creates. To make your opinion strong, you explain why the other side is weak. That is what the extent essay is about. The discussion format could be:  
  
Sentence 1: Topic sentence  
Sentence 2: Explanation why people believe this reason  
Sentence 3: Opposing topic in relation to the original topic  
Sentence 4: Example to support your opposition  
Sentence 5: Explanation in support of the opposition example that disproves the first topic discussion  
  
The strength of the essay, of your opinion, lies in the coherence and cohesiveness of your reasoning paragraphs. The stronger your discussion, the more emotional descriptive words you use to defend your stance, the better your presentation will become. By the way, use 3 sentences at least in the prompt paraphrase and the summary presentation in the conclusion. Those are the expected formatting requirements for those paragraphs.
***In certain countries, unemployment is so high that some have suggested children should stop their education after primary school to learn skills necessary to join the workforce.***  
  
## Do you agree or disagree?

  
  
In some countries with high joblessness, there is a common assertion that children's giving priority to learn essential skills to meet the demand of labor market after their elementary level is of paramout importance. However, I personally disagree with this suggestion and this essay will shed the light on justification why I am not in favor of it.  
  
To embark on, it is undisputable that abolishing children's access to upper academic programme leads to the significant shortage of fundamental knowledge and intensive expertise which prevent them from satisfying the speciality of their future job . For example, if you wish to apply for the post as an accountant, you have to cultivate relavant job skills regarding the ability to analyse financial data, the comprehension of Computer Science and the impressive command of English language which are significantly attributed to formal schooling .Additionally thanks to high-level education, you are assured to attain quality qualifications which are considered to be chief determinant that the employers are inclined to assess whether you are qualifed to work or not.  
  
Futhermore, schooling system offers students subjects like sports and music which are regarded as indispensable soft skills . While they may not be directly useful in securing employment, they indirectly make a candidate more employable. Apart from technical expertise, firms currently attach greater attention to credentials such as adaptability, originality and communication skills and to some extent they are ground-breaking elements which makes you superior to other candidates . These attributes are likely to be attained in experiences like playing sports and music. Hence, attending school after primary level is terribly justifiable due to its potential to make people's employability higher and higher.  
  
In conclusion, I firmly believe that stopping children's education after primary school does not improve the uneployment rate , however, it even worsen the situation .
Your paragraph presentations tend to be confusing at times. The confusion most likely comes from your lack of proper English sentence structures. You should work on developing your sentence presentation skills. Google actually has a free app for that. You may find it useful while you prepare for your test.  
  
As for your discussion, you accidentally did it in reverse. The essay would have been better presented, and received a better score if you had provided your discussion regarding high school soft skills development before the college discussion. After all, the prompt was asking about having the student stop studying after their primary education, so high school would have been next, then college. Use the correct discussion progression in your presentations for coherence and cohesiveness scoring considerations.  
  
Writing 304 words did not really help your essay because you made several notable errors in the spelling, grammar, and clarity sections of your presentation. Had you written only 275-290 words, you would have probably had some time left over from the 40 minute writing allowance to spot and correct those errors.
Hello, 2 months form this day I will officially take the IELTS exam; yet, writing is still the skill that I lack the most. Hope you guys can help me improve this. Thank you for your time and have a nice day!  
  
***Topic 11: Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.***  
  
## Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

  
  
It is widely believed that detailed information in scientific experiments, the economic and academic world should be shared unlimitedly to people. Some others argue that some pieces of information are noncompulsory to share with the public because is it too valuable. This essay will evaluate both points of view in order to give my own viewpoint.  
  
To commence with, the exploration of the Internet helps human access to many sources of information freely and effortlessly. By sharing a large amount of precise information to the public, people will be able to understand the current situation they are in which helps them have a bird's-eyes view about what is going on. Pieces of information, especially in science and academic world, provoke human curiosity which encourages them to conduct more research, experiments in order to find out more surprising facts. More importantly, information related to people's well-being such as, medical, natural disasters, environment, crimes is worth-sharing because by informing people about these kinds of problems, their awareness and caution will be raised which ensures their perfect safety.  
  
On the other hand, many pieces of information are inappropriate to shared freely to the public because of their own safety. It is no doubt that a lot of information is beyond people's knowledge and it contributes nothing significant to people's lives, for example, results in scientific research about a particular kind of tree which is nonrelated to people's lives. Additionally, a lot of information can serve as an efficient tool for many criminals to commit their nefarious conspiracies which will cause unspeakable detriments for a country's well-being. The most detrimental consequence of sharing information unlimitedly is that the failure to put the world in order, with people knowing confidential information, such as a nation's security system, novel, dangerous and uncontrolled technology, new species created in a lab lead to a lawless world, trust exists between people faded and many unjustified actions will be done.  
  
All things considered, it is sensible to conclude that harmful and serious information should be kept as top secret, people with no special authority are unable to access those pieces of information in order to protect the world from considerable harm.
There are supposed to be 5 paragraphs for this essay:  
Par. 1: Prompt Paraphrase + discussion instruction  
Par. 2: 1st public point of view explanation  
Par. 3: 2nd public point of view assessment  
Par. 4: Personal Opinion  
Par. 5: Concluding summary  
  
The public points of view can be made in general discussion form, with gender free pronouns in use, while the personal opinion needs to have at least 1 first person pronoun reference. Try to follow the advised discussion format for the presentation so that you can achieve a better overall band score. You have provided a discussion format that does not clearly depict a difference between the public and the personal point of view. It appears to be solely a personal point of view due to the lack of clear paragraph separation and lack of group pronoun references.
## forested land in millions of hectares in different parts of the world

  
  
The table given depicts forest area in 6 distinct regions in 15 years from 1990 to 2005.  
Most strkingly, while there was a slight increase in forested land in Europe and Asia, the opposite was true for that in the remaining areas during the period shown.  
  
As far as the statistics are concerned, the figure for forested land in Europe and Asia initially started at 989 and 576 million hectares, respectively, then both witnessed an upward trend in the next 15 years, in which the former was 1001 and the latter was 584 in 2005.  
  
Regarding the remainder, the forest area in both South America and Africa seemed to have a noticeable decrease, in which the former dipped from 946 to 882 million hectares and the latter fall from 746 to 691 million hectares over the period surveyed. Lastly, nothing much had changed in the data of Oceania and North America since those just exprienced a slight drop of around 2 or 3 million hectares from 1990 to 2005.  
  
*
@minhquan20 You are right, your essay is not under length. It is actually within the advised mid-range length of the discussion presentation. That means, the report will be getting the proper scoring consideration from the examiner. Good work on the word length. However, your summary overview is a bit lacking. While you have the image identified correctly and the years properly referenced, the country listing should have been provided as well. This would have made the presentation more thorough and truly an information summary paragraph. You also neglected to provide information regarding the measurement type, which in this case is forest area by hectare. All of these information are needed to help create a short version of the report, along with your trending statement.  
  
Each paragraph needs to be 3-5 sentences long. Each paragraph also needs to have a proper complex sentence presentation. The 2 reporting pagraphs that you created do not meet the requirement. Simply using a comma to separate your sentences does not create a complex sentence, it only creates a long sentence. A complex sentence is comprised of an independent and dependent clause.
*Hi! I'm practicing for the Toefl writing task 2. Please help me review my essay. Thank you!*  
  
Topic :  
***DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH THE FOLLOWING STATEMENT?  
Smartphones have caused more harm than good to our society.  
  
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.***  
  
My essay:  
  
With the developement of modern technology in this day and age, smartphones has become increasingly popular in society. However, whether this equipment has a positive or negative influence on our life remains controversial. In my opinon, its drawbacks far outweights its advantages. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following paragraphs.  
  
Firstly, smartphones pose a threat to human's health. Spending too much time on this gadget can adversly affect our eyes in the long run. Take my younger brother as an example, instead of hanging out with friends or participating in outdoor activities, he spent most of his spare time texting, playing games or surfing the net on his smartphone. It appeared that he was addicted to the phone. As a result, after a long time, he suffered from several serious vision issues, such as dry eyes or short-sightedness. He regretted having used smartphone in an uncontrolled way. That is the reason why this tool is harmful and we should be careful when using it.  
  
Second, smartphones also reduce communication and interaction among people. Nowadays, teenagers have a tendency to stick to their phone screen even when their friends are around. Due to the presence of smartphones, youngsters are less likely to have face to face conversation with people around them. For instance, one time I had a meeting with my old classmates from highschool. We gathered in a coffee, however, instead of talking, exchanging information, sharing stories or recalling memories together, everybody seemed to be distracted by their phones. We did not pay attention to the subject of the talk and wasted our times dealing with personal things on the phones. Hence, there seemed to be an unvisual barrier between us.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that smartphones adversely impact our society, for they not only cause damage to our health, but also reduce interactive activities among people.
There is a commonality between the TOEFL and IELTS tests. That commonality is the way that the examiners score the essay better when the student uses personal information in the essay. This does not remove the academic requirement of the presentation as the essay writing instruction clearly states that specific reasons and examples must be used in support of the writer's opinion. As such, the use of the brother, in a story telling style, meets this primary evidence requirement.  
  
However, the writer tends to use memorized phrases which will not help in the scoring of the overall essay. The phrases " in this day and age" and "hanging out" are not only memorized, but these are also informal or casual English phrase references. These types of words are what tend to remove the academic tone of a response essay.  
  
Additionally, the writer needs to ensure that he directly responds to the prompt and does not use various confusing discussion terms that could refer to other essay discussion types. In this case, the response should clearly state an agreement or disagreement. It must not use other essay descriptors such as positive or negative and drawbacks / advantages.  
  
The conclusion is a run on sentence and must be replaced with a proper simple and complex sentence presentation in the paragraph. The presentation should be based on the summarizing of the previous topic and its discussion points.
This is my essay for the topic mentioned. Thanks to all evaluate <3  
## **THE GRAPH BELOW SHOWS THE CONSUMPTION OF FISH AND SOME DIFFERENT KINDS OF MEAT IN A EUROPEAN COUNTRY**

  
The line graph illustrates the amount of four different kinds of meat namely chicken, beef, lamb, and fish that a citizen of a European country consumed weekly from 1979 to 2004.  
  
Overall, it is evident that while the consumption of chicken increased, the opposite was true for the intake of beef and lamb. Also, fish remained the least popular meat during this period.  
  
In 1979, beef was the most favored meat at over 200 grams per person per week. Chicken and lamb were eaten in similar quantities at around 150 grams. It can also be seen that the intake of fish is only one third that of chicken or lamb.  
  
Between 1979 and 2004, the country witnessed a massive change as chicken consumption rose continuously and hit its peak of around 250 grams per person per week. The contrast can be observed for beef and lamb as the amount eaten for both kinds of meat dropped more than half. Similarly, fewer fish was eaten in the country, with its figure declining by about 15 grams per week.  
  
*
hi there!  
your using words and grammar have no problem but I consider where you could take the information you put in your essay as "Similarly, fewer fish ... 15 grams per week." In my opinion, writing task 1 should be focused on describing the chart only.  
  
Moreover, I seem to disagree with you about how you separate the information into 2 bodies. I suggest dividing due to the time or kinds of meat instead of one for 1979 and the rest is about between 1979 and 2004. It might be easier for readers to catch up with the chart.
You should merge the first and second paragraphs to create a single presentation. That way the sentences are not hanging and provide a clear and concise discussion presentation. Your first sentence, the summary overview, should be divided into sentences. Each sentence should represent:  
  
- The type of graph  
- The information listing in the image  
- Source of the information  
- And the years indicated in the graph  
  
The trending statement is too generalized in reference. You should pick the most indicative high and low of the given information and present those are the trending statement. This sentence should be better presented because it is the concluding observation of the overall image information.  
  
Do not overlook the points in the graph where the lines intersect. These are important aspects that should be presented in a clear paragraph of its own as these are part of the comparison discussion requirement of the prompt instructions. You may refer to one or two overlapping points, depending upon how many exist within the image.
## University education should be free to everyone, regardless of income.

  
***To what extent do you agree?***  
  
Today, some people assume that university education should be free of charge for all students. From my perspective, I do not totally support this idea.  
  
It is irrefutable that students derive great benefits from cutting college fee. First, people from different social classes are able to go to school. It is of great importance for disadvantaged students who live in remote or mountainous areas. Tuition fee would be no longer a burden for them so they can be relieved a gigantic amount of financial pressure. Thus, these students can make their all efforts to study and will not be distract by part-time jobs which used to earned money for tuition fee. Second, thanks to enormous number of college students, the countries may enhance the social understanding and academic levels in the future. The more students graduate, the more high-qualified employees are supplied to labor-market. In the long term, not only will it facilitate national education but it also make the economies flourish.  
  
However, it is not without drawbacks. First, that universities will not collect tuition fees means that residents have to pay higher tax. People who are having a job have an indirectly financial duty regarding supporting domestic education. It will create a considerable pressure on them because not everyone is lucky enough to have well-paid jobs. Take Vietnam as an example, many Vietnamese employees are labor workers who only earn an adequate amount of money to make a living. They may suffer from some detrimental effects should the governments cut the college fee and impose a greater tax on them. Second, some students lacking motivations will take it for granted. They may neglect their studies. Therefore, it is feasible that dropping-out rate will increase.  
  
To sum up, although this proposals have many advantages, they are overshadowed by the disadvantages.