dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Ielts writing task 2:  
*Although more and more people read news on the internet, newspapers will remain the most important source of news.*  
## Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
There is the fact that, nowadays, many people choose to use the internet for reading news. While nobody can deny the important role of newspapers in providing information to the reader. Personally I agree with this view.  
  
On the one hand, the development of the internet brings more convenience to people in updating news daily. Indeed, with just a wifi connected mobifone or laptop, people now can read news everywhere they want without having to bring newspapers. Moreover, for people who want to read news from more than one publisher, it may cost quite a amount of money if they read news from newspapers or magazines. Instead, using the internet, people can read as much as they want with no worry about how much it costs.  
  
On the other hand, newspapers are still considered as a traditional way to get news. Firstly, before the increase of digital news, newspapers were the most ever-popular way for people to receive news through many decades. It gradually became a culture, especially for the old generation. For example, my mom still keeps her habit of buying newspapers weekly to read even though she can read it online. Secondly, there was a lot of research that showed the harmful effects of spending too much time watching on the laptop or on the small screen like mobifone. The popular issue that we can count on is short-sighted eyes and sore eyes. Therefore, reading in papers is encouraged for all readers to protect their eyes.  
  
In conclusion, I would agree that despite the fact that reading news on the internet is being popular, there are a lot of people who prefer newspapers to get them daily news.
While nobody can deny the important role of newspapers in providing information to the reader.  
There are 2 possible reasons for this problematic sentence.  
- The writer used a wrong sentence structure. Rather than using a continous sentence of 2 ideas seperated by a comma. A period was used instead.  
- The writer wished to use a new sentence but accidentally forgot to provide a subject for the presentation. Hence the incomplete though process presentation.  
  
The writer should have presented 2 supporting reasous in the explanation. Based on the 2 reasoning paragraphs format in relation to the provided opinion, no comparative discussion should be found. Therefore this essay will be judged as not having met the minimum word count and, will be scored only on opinion related discussion points.
It was just my personal preference, but I think "Personally I agree with this view." was not applicable in essay writing, especially "Personally". You can change this into "This essay supports this view" or "In my point of view, this view is agreeable. My essay will augment/further discuss it."  
  
"The popular" issue should be replaced with "The common" issue. It's about word choice, I guess. Hope this helps you consider a little bit more ^^
There are some things I notice:  
  
**Moreover, for people who...**  
  
... it may cost quite AN amount of money if they choose newspapers or magazine to glean information...  
I think you should use more synonyms and a variety of structures. You already use "read" or "want" many times.  
  
**Secondly, there was a lot of research that showed the harmful effects of spending too much time watching on the laptop or on the small screen like mobifone.**  
  
+ mobifone seems like a wrong spelling here  
+ a lot of is informal phrase. Instead try using some, an amount of, a considerable amount of, plenty of for uncountable nouns.  
+ "the" harmful effects seems incorrect. "THE" should be used for a definite noun. I meant when only you know about those effects, we shouldn't use "THE".  
  
+ And why you decided to use "past tense" here?  
  
I wish my suggestion would help. ^^
## the local tv productions should be promoted more

  
  
It is true that foreign films are likely to gain more attention than the local ones. There might be some reasons to illuminate this effect and I believe that the government should take actions to subsidize the domestic film industry.  
  
There are several reasons why people go in for foreign-produced series rather than ones produced in their own country. A possible reason could be that producers invest a huge budget into such filming products for providing them with special effects, distinctive scenes in spectacular locations. "Avatar", James Bond's films or the latest one "King Kong" of Hollywood blockbusters are the practical examples which receive a global appeal. Another reason could be the appearance of famous actors and actresses or the accomplishments of producers and directors. Compare with top filmmakers in the world, some countries do not succeed yet because of the low input or poor quality.  
  
From my perspective, the governments should tackle to solve the problems above via support in terms of finance. In fact, potential talented filmmakers can exist anywhere in the world and they need an opportunity to show off their ability. With the fund given, not only do governments have a chance to grow the economy with the rise of film sales and tourist numbers but also have a high reputation from the film and tourism industry.  
  
To conclude, I believe that the financial support from the government could help to advance the quality of local products as well as allow them to compete with the foreign products dominating in the filming market.
It is true  
There is no need to declare a truth in this matter. The topic is merely for discussion purposes and not subject to a debate. A simple restatement, without exaggerated references such as these will do. An academic tone will be better achieved without it.  
  
There might be some reasons to illuminate  
Are you saying that there are no reasons for the discussion? In which case this paragraph will have failed to deliver a clear opinion statement and reasoning line. Where there is no clear opinion and thesis statement, the paragraph will have neglected to meet opinion clarity and response format directions.  
  
There are several reasons why people go in for foreign-produced series rather than ones produced in their own country.  
This is a mere repetition of the topic restatement. That must be done only twice. Once in the restatement paragraph and the other in the recap. It does not need to be done in the reasoning and discussion paragraphs.  
  
The discussion paragraphs are acceptable and deliver clear explanations. However, the s punctuation marks that help deliver thought clarity are feuer and far between, showing a lack of sentence structure knowledge. There are also a feW misused words in the presentation, but none that would result in too much of word usage and grammar usage score deduction.  
  
The conclusion lacks a topic reference but that can be deduced from the information presentation. It would do you score well to include that next time as a reverse paraphrase inclusion.
***Prompt: Many students choose to take a gap year before starting university, to travel or gain work experience.***  
  
## Do you think this is a good idea or a waste of time?

  
  
Most students tend to go straight for university right after their graduation. However, there has been a popular trend to take a year off before attending college among youngsters. From my perspective, having a year off to take journeys, or to pick up some more knowledge is totally beneficial for future students.  
  
Firstly, it is immensely helpful to take a gap year before becoming a university students emotionally. For example, imminent students can utilize their free time to make journeys, or to have fun in vacations. And I believe that having some time to relax, and to settle down mentally is absolutely reasonable because in order to graduate high school, students have spent loads of their time to study, and to overcome the tests, so it is nice if they can have fun for a while.  
  
Secondly, youngsters can also gain new real-life experiences which may be useful for academic purposes could not found in schools. For instance, many gap-year takers have their first jobs or part-time jobs which related to chosen majors in college. Therefore, those can obtain experiences, and save money for their tuition fees spontaneously. Therefore, having some time off instead of jumping right into studying after finishing high school is quite good for students' university life.  
  
In summary, a gap year can be really necessary and crutial for a certain amount of students who have just finished taking the entrance examination. Because 12 months free are enough for students to prepare themselves mentally and emotionally before heading to campuses. So if it is possible and in need, feel free to take a gap year.  
  
- 299 words -
Good work on the restatement + opinion. It is clear, adherent to the original presentation, and properly formatted in terms of response format expectations. In fact, the writer shows a clear understanding of the discussion expectations. The reasons are on point and do not stray from the onginal. The explanations and examples are cohesive and coherent. A hugely important scoring aspect is continuously met. This is a well developed discussion essay but, it is far from perfect.  
  
The writer has a tendency to use English slang such as  
  
students have spent loads of their time to study  
rather than the formal academic presentation. The proper reference is, "a great deal of time". More familiarity with Singular V. Plural rules is also needed as the writer mired the use of a singular indefinite article (a) with a plural word form (students).
Your writing is clear and understandable with clear supporting ideas. That is what I saw at first.  
  
There are some things I recommend:  
Don't you And (or coordinating conjunction in general) to start a sentence. In addition, those linking words seem informal. You can use therefore, as a result, thus in stead "so"; however, nonetheless,... in stead of but.  
  
Try not to use too many informal words or slang in a academic work.  
  
Some grammar mistakes I have noticed:  
**students have ...**  
**Correction**: ... spent most of their time studying and overcoming the tests...  
SPEND + TIME/ MONEY + PRESENT PARTICIPLE (V-ING)  
  
**Correction**: ... for academic purposes and could not be found in schools  
I believe that real-life experiences were what you wanted to talk about and was a subject of this clause.  
  
**Therefore, those ... Therefore, having ...**  
  
Two "therefore" located too near. You should choose another word or rewrite the idea in another way.  
Moreover, you started your sentences with many Present Participle (V-ING). Try applying another way.  
  
That is my suggestion. I wish it would help somehow.
@iam5102  
  
Hi @iam5102, I have some comments for you.  
  
I think the way you structure your essay is very good, clear and easy to follow. You also have 2 supporting points to prove your opinion, which is crucial.  
  
However, I spotted some grammatical errors:  
+) crucial  
+) "a university students",  
+) I don't usually see a comma "," before "and",  
+) ... which is related to choosing majors in college)  
  
And in the last paragraph, I think you didn't restate both reasons of yours, just one. And I think this ending sentence "So if it is possible and in need,..." should be more formal.  
  
Hope it'll be useful for you. Thank you. :))
graduate high school --> graduate from high school  
  
Secondly, youngsters can also gain new real-life experiences which may be useful for academic purposes could not found in schools --> Secondly, youngsters can also gain new real-life experiences which may be useful for academic purposes that could not be found in schools  
  
a gap year can be really necessary and crutial for a certain amount of students who have just finished taking the entrance examination --> a gap year can be really necessary and crucial for a certain number of students who have just finished taking the entrance examination  
  
Your essay is good, just a few grammar errors needed re-correcting. Good luck!!
## Is it healthier to live in the countryside?

  
  
In the state-of-the-art world, there has been a predisposition that people pay significantly more attention to their health. While it is thought that living in rural areas is advantageous for people to enhance their healthy lifestyle, I still hold the view that there are plenty of existing merits for humans' health when they reside in big cities.  
  
On the one hand, it is undeniable that the quality of the environment is a crucial aspect that primarily contributes to a healthy life of citizens living in the countryside. The industrialization, which exacerbates polluted problems, does not exist in rural areas, so people residing in those areas can breathe the fresh air, and drink purified water. It is transparent that countrysides' dwellers rarely suffer from health problems such as air hunger and allergies, and it is easier to maintain their healthy lifestyle.  
  
On the other hand, cities' inhabitants have vast chances to approach modern facilities and equipment in order to improve their mental and physical health. By the means of technological advances, urban areas can provide their citizens with plenty of medical facilities so that these people can check and cure their ailments earlier, which is totally beneficial for health. Furthermore, because of a developed economy, authorities of big cities can spend a wide range of money on building and restoring infrastructures, particularly hospitals and health centres. Besides, exercise instruments are also equipped sufficiently in public parks, so people can work out whenever they want without payment.  
  
To recapitulate, although there may be a positive scenario for inhabitants' health when they settle in bucolic provinces, I can not ignore the multitude of health benefits that cutting-edge technologies and modern amenities in urban areas bring for dwellers.
I still hold the view  
It is not only your opinion on the discussion topic that is needed to complete your opinion statement. The need to answer via "To what extent do you agree or disagree ?" must be represented before anything else. A combined response would work in this case. A combined response would be presented like:  
  
Due to a personal preference, I still **STRONGLY** hold the view that...  
  
The highlighted word is the " extent" response needed by the prompt question. Such a combined thought statement creates a highly responsive presentation and recieves a better accuracy consideration. The reason for the opinion is clear, it is the expected response that was not  
  
provided creating an incomplete response in the process.  
  
On the one han  
On the other hand  
Please remember that an extent essay is a single opinion defense writing test. it is not the task of the writer to convince the reader that lboth sides have a good reason to be believed. Rather, the paper must convince the reader, using at least 2 valid reasons, that your opinion is the correct one and must be believed. Only the opinion defense paragraph will be considered for scoring. The presentation is weak and incomplete due to the lack of supporting discussion points.  
  
can not  
This is written as one word to deliver the meaning you want to convey.
## [Writing Task 2] NEWSPAPER TOPIC

  
  
*In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?*  
  
In this day and age, people tend to use information collection by mobile devices. Thus, many readers have chosen electronic newspapers instead of printed ones because they are not only convenient but also free of charge. That could lead to the extinction of the printed newspapers in the future. From my perspective, I agree with this statement because of the benefits of electronic journalism offered.  
  
There is a large quantity of reasons that account for the magnitude of e-papers, the most basic one is that without paying. E-papers not only permit people to approach the newest news daily and hourly but also access users from all over the world. Because it has extremely fast transmission frequency and speech, whenever there is new information, the electronic papers will automatically update. Therefore, the audience does not have to wait until the release time. In addition, through e-journal people can still get news about the issues they care about with only mobile devices and the Internet; hence, people will not fritter your time away from going outside and buying newspapers.  
  
The second reason is that information storage capacity. It is clear that e-papers are not limited in terms of format, pages as well as data transmitted compared to printed newspapers. Thus, it can provide a large number of news in a rich and detailed way many times more than other types of newspapers. Moreover, the data will be grouped quite scientifically together by topics along with being stored for a long time in the specific intervals so that the readers can easily research.  
  
In conclusion, online newspapers are an optimal alternative to printed ones that people can choose to use due to its convenience.
I agree  
Please format the response based on the prompt requirement. Offer a measured degree for your opinion. Basically, the restatement is correct but the opinion only partially adheres to the needed response.  
  
The reasoning paragraphs are not grammatically accurate in terms of sentence structure and word usage. However, the sentence problems did not result in a confusing or unclear presentation. The examiner will still understand the point of the sentence and aim of the paragraph. More exercises in terms of sentence clarity in partnership with word usage will help. Word choice sentence exercises would be best.  
  
The conclusion is not correct. This must present a clear summary of the preceding discussion. A 40 word or 2 sentence summary is needed in this section.
In fact, your writing is well organised. It is easy to read and understand but sill logic. There are some errors I think you could fix to make the writing more perfect.  
  
Body paragraph 1:  
... the most basic one is that without paying**, readers can get access to information**.  
that + Clause  
  
... the electronic papers will automatically update **the readers with it** (new information).  
From what I have known, update something or update somebody (with something)  
  
Body Paragraph 2:  
amount of news/ a large pieces of news in a rich...  
news is an uncountable noun, we cannot use it with a large number  
  
your time away **on** going outside  
  
Those are my recommendation, I wish it would help.
## future stars among participants in the televised talent shows

  
  
Finding talented people is very important for society. Thus, many televised talent shows have become widely popular in many communities this day. I think that this is a good method to find people who is talented but it's at all.  
  
Initially, my country has many shows like Vietnam got talent, Road to Olympia, ... In given shows, candidates will be asked many questions or show their abilities that make people amazed. These shows help to find people who is talented base on their knowledge or abilities. Some student got scholarship for transformation, some people have become popular. The talent that these shows found are useful for live, for society and for development of human.  
  
However, beside many good shows are many bad shows. They are all entertainment not more. Candidates who participate in show for viewer useless abilities, make them laugh and win the prize. I find that these shows are a way for many entertainment studios pr them or make financial. We can call many abilities showed by candidates are talent, but with me, talent must help people and can be developed.  
  
Besides, we have other ways to find talented people. Likewise organizing a competition or give scholarship for students who do well in education.  
Inclusion, I think that televised talent shows are good methods to find people who is talented, they help society find talented people but in a different way, people do it for earning money.
I think  
Use a more convincing phrase. something that reflects a clear opinion on your part. This sentence is confusing because at the end you said:  
  
but it's at all.  
Did you mean to say that you are certain about your opinion? Or, not? The task score is reliant on the way that you deliver your opinion with a sense of belief and proper support for your supported opinion. The lack of opinion clarity is what creates a problem in your prompt restatement + opinion presentation.  
  
, ...  
Why do Vietnamese students consistently insist on using a comma and ellipses simultaneously? This is the most common and irritating grammar and punctuation usage error of these students collectively. It is also the most common GRA scoredown cause that examiners apply. You are all being taught improper punctuation usage in the English language by your schools. Use one punctuation mark at a time. That is the unbreakable English punctuation rule. One at atime, never successively. The sentence loses all logic in terms of idea presentation, emotions, and thought clarity. The reader never knows what a Vietnamese student is trying to say when these successive punctuation marks are used. This is a GRA fail.  
  
for development of human.  
Human what? The thought presentation is incomplete. Learn to think and write in English, with a proper subject - verb agreement at all times.  
  
Inclusion  
Did you mean, "In conclusion"? The student has serious grammar and vocabulary problems that will definitely cause him to fail the test.
## people who donated money for charity

  
  
The diagram illustrates the proportion of people who donated money for charity by different age group in Britain in two years 1999 and 2010.Overall the number of people giving money to charity tended to decrease and it concentratedon the 51 to 65 group instead of the 36-50 in 1999.  
  
To begin with , in 1999 people who were 36-50 years old spent much money on charity than other age groups. From 51 to 65, people took the second place with 35% , 10% less than the first group. The proportion of people over 65 and those aged 26-35 years old who donated money were the same.The youth age from 18 to 25 was ranked last with over 5%.  
  
Regarding 2010, the statistic had dramatically changed. The 51-65 age group won a vantage position with nearly 40%. The percentage of the 35-50 age group fell fastly to 35% ,as the same as the 51-65 in 1999. The elderly over 65 increased slightly, equal to percentage of the 36-50 group. In contrast, the 26-35 declined sharply, falling to only 24%. Standing in the last place was still the 18-25 , this ratio doubled compared to the original to orginal.
The diagram  
Wrong image reference. Even without seeing the actual image I know that a diagram was not presented. Why? The information provided are ratio measurements.These are always presented in one of 2 forms:  
  
- A comparative line chart  
- A bargraph series  
  
A diagram is used only for procedural discussions. Is the presentation summary accurate then? No. The wrong image identifier immediately makes this task summary inaccurate. The summary is also difficult to follow and recall.That is because of the compressed data presentation per sentence. Please remember that a clear sentence contains one idea per presentation. This is a weak summary overview.  
  
The proportion of people over 65 and those aged 26-35 years old who donated money were the same.  
Standing in the last place was still the 18-25 , this ratio doubled compared to the original to orginal.  
At what rate? This reference is not clear. The wording is inaccurate once again.As a report, always use the factual measurements to meet the C + C requirements.