dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hello Fitri12 I want you obtain some suggestions from me for your essay  
  
here we go:  
  
... by involving people who listened to music and played...  
  
in my opinion. you should use "whom" because your word reverse to object.  
  
... elements such as melody and rhythm and then put them all back together ...  
  
you can replace too many "and" words with semicolon conjunction.  
  
Consequently, listening to music engages in~~the~~ brain into some interesting activities.  
  
I think engage should following by "in"  
  
... musical instruments will practically engage in every area of the brain,..  
  
I think engage should following by "in"  
  
Therefore, playing musical instruments ~~is~~ ] able to increase the volume ...  
  
you wrote musical instruments are going to be plural and you should use "are"  
  
note: keep writing and go ahead
Hi Ali, here's another one from my end and I will focus on the last paragraph of the essay.  
  
- instruments ~~is able to~~will increase the  
- ~~more~~ ( I believe, "effectively", is sufficient enough to relay your message ) effectively and  
- creatively in both academic and social ~~studying~~studies .  
- Thus, musicians often have a higher level of  
- ~~interlink~~interconnected tasks  
  
There you have it Ali, I hope the above insights are helpful to your revision. Overall, you have a logical and well versed essay. For your future writing projects, make sure that you have all the points covered and this includes the minor details such as linking verbs and the forms of the verbs itself as this will have an overall impact in the outcome of the essay.
Hi Fitri, I have several suggestion for you :  
  
is able to increase the volume and motions of the brain's corpus  
*I think the word before and after "and" should have the same form. it can be corrected to "volumes and motions"*  
  
including planning, approaching, and attention to detail ,  
*it has similar problem with the previous one. You can say " .. and getting attention to detail"*  
  
It also allows musicians to solve problems  
*you can add personal pronoun "their" before the word problem*  
  
Thanks
The bar chart give information about amount of man and woman be present several evening course at an main of adulth school im year 2009 and the pie chart illustrated about the ages of these class.  
  
On the whole total woman following language course enthuse compared for the sculpture sessions. On the group age over 50 the course were more attractive.  
In 2009 if we counted total attended at drama class for woman people less than 20 .for men double the number of drama class ( at 10 ). If we make comparable between drama and painting most people prefer at the painting class. In which language course rank more.  
  
With the pie chart the percentage of men and woman attending various evening course for the adult education in 50 or over more participants stack up age 40.for young people be participant only 10 % and 11 %.on this part demand for following this activity decrease.
Hi Ardian354..  
Let me give you some advice..  
  
The bar chart give(s) information about ~~amount~~number of man and woman (...) main of adulth school ~~im~~in year 2009 and the pie chart ~~illustrated~~illustrates about the ages of these class.  
  
...  
*With the pie chart*you can change with : According to pie chart, ...  
  
Good Job.  
I hope it is helpful
**IELTS Writing Task 3 Why Agricultural Land Becomes Less Productive in 1990**  
  
The Charts presented main factors why agricultural land becomes less productive in three different regions during 1990. It is important to notice that over-grazing had the biggest factor of unproductive land worldwide and other factor had the smallest factor of unproductive land worldwide. Meanwhile, Europe had the biggest land degraded compared to other regions and North America had the smallest land degraded.  
  
Overall there are 4 factors which caused unproductive land: overgrazing, deforestation, over-cultivation, and other. Overgrazing had the biggest percentage with 35% or more than one-third of total factors and other factor had the smallest percentage of 7% or less than a tenth of total factors.  
  
Specifically, there are 3 regions: North America, Europe, and Oceania. Europe had the biggest percentage of degraded land with 23% or more than a fifth of total lands in Europe and North America had the smallest percentage of degraded land with 5% or of total lands in North America.  
  
*
Complex analysis had been integrated to sophisticated technology in this case molecular technology. Initiated by regretting incident, Jorge Soto, technologists and scientists, developed the smartphone-integrated program. There was mistake in-term of anamnesist and diagnosis of his aunt who was death by which . Paramedic revealed that his aunt just get normal injury, and they decided to give therapy, but there was not any further recovery , and eventually she have been diagnosed in contracting Lung cancer stage 3.  
  
Considering that night mare, he decided to design program which is thoroughly assimilated to smart phone. This feature is capable in diagnose the either symptom or disease based on molecular approach. By Detecting small molecules called microRNA,micro molecule related to gene expression, which regulated the protein process influenced by internal (genetic information) and external (environment). As cancer is the disease that controlled by the related gene, according to experiment result, this genetic material has their own normal pattern due to it can detect the sample of tissue which has different pattern distinctly.  
  
Jorge and his team have tried to manufactured the detector machine wich connected to the smartphone as prototype. This tools has been enriched by sensitivity of small amount of sample. The sample is simply detected by the tools and as the sample loaded, it will analyse microRNA patter. The result will display whether normal or peculiar.  
  
To sum up, the manufactured technology will be useful for medical analysis in term of avoiding inappropriate analysis. In hope, it will very useful to initial diagnose for molecular-relating disease.
hi ifan ^^  
your summary it looks good but let me give you some notes  
  
>> it is better to start your summary with introduction sentence >> according to the speaker (mention the name or author),  
>>do not miss conjunction between sentence ( and, meanwhile, however, although, because etc...)  
>> notes your spelling  
  
>>Complex analysis had been integrated in to sophisticated technology ~~in this~~ of the ~~case~~ molecular case technology, which is Initiated by regretting incident.  
  
By Detecting small molecules called micro- RNA...
Hi..  
Let me finalize yours. Meet my notes and deal with them.. GOOD LUCK  
  
A Complex analysis (...) to A sophisticated technology in this case OF THE molecular technology. (...), Jorge Soto, A technologist~~s~~ and scientist~~s~~ , developed ~~the~~ A smartphone-integrated program. There was A mistake in-term of anamnesist (...) aunt ~~who was~~ death by which .  
  
... get normal injury, and they(Relate to???) decided to give therapy,..  
  
Considering that night mare, ~~he~~ JORGE (you cannot use pronoun if you doeviously yet) not mention prdecided to design program ~~which is~~(I use omitting here) thoroughly assimilated to smart phone.  
  
... called microRNA,THAT micro molecule related to ...  
As cancer is the disease ~~that~~ controlled by the related gene, (...) normal pattern ~~due to~~ BECAUSE ("DUE TO" HAS TO BE FOLLOWED BY NOUN) it can detect the sample ...  
  
... the detector machine ~~wich~~ connected to the smartphone as A prototype.  
... detected by the tools and ~~as~~ the sample loaded~~,~~ SO THAT it will analyse microRNA patterN.  
  
... analysis in term of THE avoiding inappropriate analysis. ~~In hope~~ HOPEFULLY, it will (...) diagnose for THE molecular-relating disease.
Hi Ifan, as I go through the summary essay, I must say that one thing that you have to work on is the form of the words you choose in your sentences, sometimes, we are so engrossed in writing about the project, however, you cannot let anything to get away in coming up with a better sentence that will serve it's purpose.  
  
Now, other than this, you know that some of the essays may be a regular writing project and some are one shot essay, so you really have to take caution in your essays.  
  
Having said that, I have a few suggestions for the conclusion of the essay.  
  
- To sum up, ~~the~~a manufactured technology (...) in terms of avoiding inappropriate analysis. ~~In hope, it will~~We hope that it will be very useful ~~to~~for the initial diagnosis of~~for~~ molecular-~~relating~~related disease.  
  
There you have it Ifan, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision.
**Task 1- The number of women and men attending various evening courses**  
  
The bar chart provides the differences in rates of various evening course at an adult education center are attended by women and men in the year 2009 and the pie chart indicates the percentage of age group. Overall, Women tended to enroll language course while men tended to choose painting class. At first glance, it can be seen that most of course participant are in the 50+ age group.  
  
In this case, woman who attended language class represented 40 percent in total followed by painting class. In the opposite, men made up the largest number in the painting class at around a quarter followed by language class at a fifth. Women who enroll sculpture accounted for the smallest number at around below one in twenty while men have the same number of drama and sculpture course at 10 percent.  
  
Turning the pie chart, most of the participant of evening course was filled by the 50+ age group at 42 percent. However, the gap between 40-49 age group and 30-39 age group widened significantly with 26 percent of 40-49 age group compared to 16 percent for 30-39 age group. Participant in the under 20 age group was doubled narrow compared by 20-29 age group at 5 percent.  
  
*
attended by women and men  
ATTENDED BY FEMALE AND MALE MEMBERS .... .  
  
men tended to choose painting class  
MEN PREFER JOINING THE PAINTING CLASS TO OTHER ACTIVITIES*(Avoid repetition)*  
  
At first glance, it can be seen that most of course participant are in the 50+ age group  
APART FROM THAT, A CLOSER LOOK REVEALS THAT THE COURSE WAS DOMINATED BY THE PARTICIPANTS OF THE AGE GROUP OF 50 OR MORE THAN.  
  
In this case, woman who attended language class represented 40 percent in total followed by painting class. In the opposite, men made up the largest number in the painting class at around a quarter followed by language class at a fifth  
TURNING TO THE BAR CHART, THE HIGHEST NUMBER OF WOMEN GROUP PRIORITIZED TO INCLUDE THE LANGUAGE PROGRAM, REPRESENTING AT 40 MEMBERS. MEANWHILE, A HALF AS MUCH WAS THE NUMBER OF MALE PARTICIPANTS IN THE SAME CLASS. THAT COMPARISON BASED ON THE PROPORTION ALSO HAPPENED IN THE DRAMA ACTIVITY, BUT THE LEVELS OF BOTH THE FORMER AND LATTER WERE A HALF OF THE LANGUAGE'S RATE. THE PAINTING CLASS WAS THE MOST FAVOURITE AMONGST MEN, STATING AT APPROXIMATELY 25 PEOPLE, BUT THE NUMBER OF FEMALE PARTICIPANTS WAS HIGHER BY 5 ADULTS. FINALLY, THE MEN SUCCESSFULLY SURPASSED DOMINATION OF THE FEMALE PARTICIPANTS IN THE COURSE FOR THE CLASS OF SCULPTURE MARKED AT 10 MEMBERS BECAUSE THE FIGURE OF WOMEN ONLY REACHED 50% AS MUCH.  
  
*(That above is the paragraph which clearly shows the comparisons of figures. Keep in your mind that your job in writing task 1 is to compare the figures. Actually, you have made the comparisons. However, you are supposed to harness various comparison words.)*  
  
Overall, it is a GOOD JOB.  
keep spirit  
GOOD LUCK
Hi Fauziyah, below are my thoughts on your analysis and I hope it helps with your revision.  
  
- in rates of various evening courses at an  
- adult education center ~~are~~that were  
- percentage of the age group.  
- Overall, ~~Women tended~~women tend to enroll  
- in language courses while men  
- tend~~ed~~ to choose painting classes .  
- At ~~first~~a glance,  
- it can be seen that most ~~of course~~number of participants are in the 50+ age group.  
  
- In this case, woman who attend~~ed~~ language class  
- ~~In the opposite~~On the other hand ,  
  
- Turning to the pie chart,  
- most of the participants of the evening courses was filled  
  
- Participants~~in the~~ under the 20 age group ~~was~~has doubled narrow compared ~~by~~to 20-29 age group at 5 percent.  
  
There you have it Fauziyah, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and for future writing reference, mind the accuracy of your information, make sure that you observe this through and through.
The era of BlackBerry has end. BlackBerry company officially announced would stop designing and producing its own product. The major reason for BlackBerry's stopped is iPhone changed everything with their numerous of innovation and BlackBerry was too slow to adapt with it. To face the future, BlackBerry itself will live as a software and services provider. Nowadays, BlackBerry was made the most revenue from software, it is contrary from the past. The software business holds nearly as many challenges today as hardware did a decade ago. Furthermore, it may be difficult to remember in 2016, but BlackBerry was once not just a dominant force, but the most innovative company, with handsets beloved by businesses, politicians, and fast-typists in the past. The behavior of the business it is chasing is evolving rapidly, with strong new competitors coming in. BlackBerry is not starting from dominant position this time around, so it is less vulnerable to that sort of disruption, but it is not going to be an easy way.
Hi Dioba..  
Let me give you some advice..  
  
The era of BlackBerry has ended . BlackBerry company officially announced that they would stop designing ...  
The major reason ~~for BlackBerry's stopped~~ is iPhone changed everything ...  
  
... to remember in 2016,but BlackBerry was once (...) force, but the most innovative company, ...  
  
*The behavior of the business it is chasing is evolving rapidly* ,you should choose one of them with strong new ...  
  
I hope it is helpful..
**10 ways to make a better conversation by Celeste Headlee (TED Summary)**  
  
Starting her speech, Celeste Headlee asked to audience who avoid someone in Facebook because they talks about something offensive. Actually, every conversations have a potential to start a conflict. Nowadays, people do not listen each other. According few research shows that a third students send more a thousand message to their friends than struck up face-to-face chit-chat everyday. Sometimes, Students have huge amount of admirable ideas each other through screen whereas conversation is the one of considerable ability In 21st century. Both of listening and talking are the vital part from an conversations. To make an interesting conversation, we have to keep them balance. Then she declares 10 ways to enjoy our conversation such as do not multitask, do not pontificate while conversation is something you could learn from, go with the flow, and do not be afraid if you do not know just say it. Next, you should use open minded question so avoid the simplest one, do not equate your experience with your chit-chat partner, avoid to repeat yourself, stay out the weed, you have to listen to intend, not to answer and the last one is be brief. As her awful closing statement, she invites us to go out, talk to people, listen to people and be prepared to be amazed.
Hi Sari, please find below suggestions for your essay.  
  
- ~~Starting her speech,~~ Celeste Headlee started her speech by asking the~~asked to~~ audience  
- they talk~~s~~ about something offensive.  
- Actually, every conversation~~s~~ have a  
- not listen to each other.  
- According to few research  
- shows that a third of the students send  
- more than a thousand message t  
- ~~struck~~strike up a face-to-face chit-chat everyday.  
- Sometimes, Students ~~have~~show huge ~~amount of admirable ideas~~admiration to  
- through a screen  
- ~~whereas~~while a conversation is  
- ~~the~~ one of considerable ability In the 21st century.  
  
- ~~Both of listening~~Listening and talking  
- are the vital part ~~from an~~of a conversation~~s~~ .  
- we have to keep ~~them~~a balance.  
  
There yo have it Sari, I hope the above modifications are helpful to your revision and for future writing reference, it will help a lot if you practice more often, also, you have to know and review the correct form of words to associate to your sentences.
Overall, the chart shows international tourism is the highest incomes. On the other hand, meat products are the most minimize incomes. Meat products are decrease gradually from 2005 to 2025. In 2005, the income of meat products is 4 billion dollars, but it decrease during 20 years with revenue 3 billion dollars in 2025. The total income from meat products during 20 years in the amount of 10 billion dollars and 2005 become the best annual income for meat products. Dairy products increase dramatically from 2005 to 2015 with difference almost 3 billion dollars and a little of decrease after 10 years. The total income from dairy products is 20,5 billion dollars. On the contrary from meat products, international tourism are increased gradually during 2005 to 2025 with the total income 21 billion dollars. Start from 2005 which has income 6 billion dollars to 2025 with income almost 8 billion dollars. Compare with the others, International tourism become the greatest income in 2005 and 2025. But dairy products become greatest income in 2015.
Hello Dioba,  
  
Overall , [i think would be better started in introduction and then conclusion] the chart shows international tourism ...  
... meat products are the most ~~minimize~~ minority incomes.  
  
the income of meat products ~~is~~are amount 4 billion dollars, (...) 20 years ~~with~~by total revenue 3 billion ...  
  
The total income from meat products ....  
  
The total income from dairy products ...  
  
pay attention repetition word.  
  
hope these help
Hi Dioba ..  
Let me give you some advice...  
  
~~Overall,~~ the chart shows .......(first, you should pharaprase the tittle of your table before the table overview) international tourism is ...  
..., meat products are ~~the most minimize~~lowest incomes. Meat products ~~are~~~~decrease~~decreased gradually from 2005 to 2025. In 2005, the income of meat products ~~is~~was 4 billion dollars, but it ~~decrease~~you could change into declined during 20 years with ...  
  
Dairy products ~~increase~~increasedyou could change with other vocab such as *arose from* dramatically from ...  
The total income from dairy products ~~is~~were 20,5 billion dollars.  
... international tourism ~~are~~ increased gradually ~~during~~from 2005 to 2025 (you could change with *from..to, between..and, since..until*) with the total income 21 billion dollars.  
... International tourism ~~become~~becomes the greatest income in...  
  
You should avoid repetation and try to use other vocabularies..  
Good job.
hello Dioba, i have some suggestion for you.  
  
~~Overall,~~(first you should introductions) the chart **shows** ==> (you can paraphrase the word with describes, illustrates, intences, displays) international tourism is ...  
**On the other hand**(you can change the word with on the other side, in spite of) , meat products are ~~the most minimize~~the lowest incomes.  
  
Dairy products increased dramatically from 2005 ...  
.., International tourism becomes the greatest income ...
hello dioba  
it is great writing, but I have several advices  
hope it can improve your writing skills  
  
**1. please ensure you attach image before, it makes viewer more convenient to gives some feedbacks**  
.., meat products are the most ~~minimize~~**lowest**incomes. **<<< I think comparison highest more suitable to use lowest**  
  
*In 2005, the income of meat products is 4 billion dollars, but it ...*  
**I think this sentence more powerful (in 2005, the income of meat products is stood at 4 billion dollars, but it decreased gradually to 3 billion dollars in 2025.)**  
  
*The total income from meat products during 20 years in the amount ...*  
**the total profit from meat products for 20 years is 10 billion dollars, while 2005 is the best income whole of this period.**  
  
*Dairy products increase dramatically from 2005 to 2015 with difference ...*  
**Turning to in 2005 to 2015, dairy products increased dramatically approximately 3 billion dollars, but it experienced a slight decrease for 10 years.**  
  
.., international tourism ~~are~~ increased gradually ~~during~~from 2005 to 2025 with ... <<<< collocation "from" is "to"  
  
Start from 2005,~~which has~~the income is 6 billion dollars to ...  
  
thanks  
keep writing  
good job
**TED Summary - Try something new for 30 days by Matt Cutts**  
  
In this TED talk, Matt Cutts tried to share his joyful experiences about "try something new for 30 days challenges", inspired by American well-known Philosopher Morgan Spurlock. Matt's 30 days challenges has been ranging from simple tasks like took pictures, wrote novel to even bigger target such as climbed the highest mountain in Africa, Kilimanjaro. To start it, firstly, think about something you want to add in your life or things you want to try in the next 30 days. Another tips is, focus on a more small changes, based on his own experiences it would be more likely sustain compare to big changes. There are number of reasons why people should consider the challenge. For instance, time is much more memorable, self-confident improved, even be more adventurous like Matt did in Africa.
Hi, Kiev  
Here I give some suggestions for you  
  
... in your daily routine and ~~wanted~~wanting to try something new?  
  
Matt ~~share~~shares his joyful experiences  
  
Matt's 30 days challenges ~~has~~have been ranging  
  
... you want to add ~~in your life or things you want to try~~and try in the next 30 days in your life  
focus on a ~~more small~~smaller~~changes~~change
Hi Kiev, Here several inputs for your writing.  
  
In this TED talk, Matt Cutts tried to share*s* his joyful experiences about ...  
~~To start it, firstly,~~*First step to start the challenge by* think about something you ~~want~~*wanting* to add in your life or things ...  
Another tips ~~is,~~*are* focus on ~~a more small~~*smaller* changes, based on (...) it would be ~~more likely~~*similar to*sustain compare ~~to~~ big changes. There are ~~number~~*several*~~of~~ reasons why people should consider ~~the~~*this* challenge.  
  
Good luck!
Hi Kiev, hopefully the followings input will help  
  
TED Summary - Try something new for 30 days by Matt Cutts  
  
In this TED talk ('this' refers to??, I don't think your first sentence is appropriate to begin your writing)  
  
Matt's 30 days challenges has been ranging from simple tasks like ...  
(maybe you want to write: Matt's 30 days-challenges has been ranging from simple tasks such as taking pictures, writing novel to even bigger target such as climbing the highest mountain in Africa, Kilimanjaro.)  
  
Please learn more about Gerund.  
  
Thank you.