dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
*Some children receive almost no encouragement from their parents regarding their performance, whle other children receive too much pressure from their over enthuastic parent which can have a negative impact on the child.  
  
Why do you think some parent put too much pressure on their children to perform well at school?  
What do you think the role of a parent should be in their child's education?*  
  
## the pressure given by parents is for a child well-being

  
  
In life, parents are the people who have the responsibility to rise their children. Every parent has different approach to treat their son or daughter. I personally believe that the pressure for their children performance's at school happens of the family beliefs, and parents have to be strict in the right way.  
  
First and foremost, everyone is raised in different ways. This have resulted in the approach used in a family. For instance, the parents were raised in a strict family, thus the parents will treat their children in the same way. Second, every parent expects the best for their children. Some children are sued to be success and change family fortunes. For example, say, a poor family will hope that their children can change their life. Hence, they push their children to receive a high score so that they will have a bright future and help family's financial. However, it is possible to happen that children will experience stress since their parents put too much pressure.  
  
Expectations that parents put should be in line with their role. For me, one of the most important thing is their presence. Parents have to manage their time balanced, say, for work and for children. It is not only about presence, but also parents' involvement. It might be important to know what struggle their children face at school. In my opinion, parents have to teach their children about disciplinary and commitment. For example, their children should know how to balance between play and study time. This might be too simple but everything starts from the basic.  
  
In conclusion, the pressure given by parents stems from their experiences when they were raised in the past. Therefore, it is indeed that parents' role is required. Parents should pay attention to what their children have been through to support their children's education.
Claudya, you have not followed the correct format for the discussion requirement of the essay. This is an advanced writing topic essay which I do not believe you are prepared to write yet. It requires that the personal opinion discussion begin in the first paragraph, as a part of the prompt paraphrase, to serve as the discussion outline for the 2 reasoning paragraphs. Let me show you your mistake and how it should have been written below:  
  
*Original Questions: Why do you think some parent put too much pressure on their children to perform well at school?  
What do you think the role of a parent should be in their child's education?  
  
Your Response: I personally believe that the pressure for their children performance's at school happens of the family beliefs, and parents have to be strict in the right way.  
  
Proper Paraphrase: There are two types of parenting styles being followed these days. The first is the non-supportive kind wherein children receive little assistance from the parents, allowing them to learn on their own. The other is called helicopter parenting, which often has drawbacks in the educational development of a child. I believe that the pressure parents impose on children to do well in school is because of an over-emphasis on the academic achievement of children for future educational purposes. While this is an impressive achievement on the child's part, I believe that parents role must be to encourage the child just enough while allowing him to still learn at his own pace.*  
  
Based on the above representation of the given prompt, you can clearly see why your attempt at this discussion is in error. You ended up straying from the original discussion points most of the time and did not really align yourself with the single opinion discussion for each question provided. You have to improve your English comprehension skills and learn how to properly address the prompt requirements so that you can improve your discussion presentations. Learn from the samples provided at this forum to get a better idea about how to approach various discussion topics to create a proper and responsive essay.  
  
I am not going to judge the other parts of this essay as of now because there is a problem with the task accuracy of your response, which means it will not get a very good score if I were to rate it. I strongly urge you to familiarize yourself with the Task 2 discussion types before you proceed with other practice tests.
## knowledge from an experience or from books?

  
  
It has always been a great debate whether the reading or experience is better for the living. books and experience are the main two channels for People to gain their knowledge.  
  
Some people believe that reading is better than experience since it improves people's creativity and imagination, and their literature skill as well. To a certain extent, I would agree with the statement, but I stick to the idea that experience is more important.  
  
As you know we have a lot of book in many domains that without any experience cannot be written. I'm of the view that the most important lessons cannot be taught. It must be faced and learned all by ourselves. In this part, I would explain it.  
  
First of all, experience has numerous advantages for mankind that I would discuss in this part. Experience gives us first-hand knowledge about everything. We give a lot of experience when we are an infant to die. A child saw how crying result in eating something. So with the experience, he is learning how to be live. never I forgot how I faced by a real situation in my first class as a teacher, I think we can't be a good teacher without experiencing that in class, although we receive a lot of information from reading books is not enough. Every situation has own specific characteristic that it is different from others. Also, there are a lot of new inventions and new products which could not be found in textbooks. In other words, society can't be progress unless using innovation and ability of experts that is not in textbooks.  
  
On the other hand, we need the resource for leading people in a particular way for life. Book act as a guideline for someone who can't experience it ever. Traveling with a book is enjoyable for anyone. You easily give your mind to the writer. But as books have a limitation, they only teach us what people found in the past. It didn't speak about now. For example, in university, we have passed near 12 courses in public policy in a different setting that it was just theoretical viewpoint until we went to society and faced with a different organization that any of them has own rules and policies about health.  
  
In conclusion, I should say that knowledge from experience helps us much more than those from books.
Parisaa, without knowing if this is an IELTS practice test and without the discussion instructions for this essay, I cannot review this essay on the scoring basis of the test or discussion instructions. My advice will be limited to grammar mistakes because of the missing review instructions. Please remember to provide the discussion instructions the next time to receive a comprehensive review from me.  
  
When using an introductory element such as "So", meaning you are starting the sentence with that word, you need to use a comma to create a pause in the reading before continuing to write the discussion. The punctuation mark will allow the reader to pause and prepare for the next part of the discussion.  
  
You must also never use contractions when writing an academic essay. I am assuming that you are writing an academic essay since you are asking for writing feedback. Contractions in your essay include can't (cannot) , didn't (did not), I'm (I am).  
  
These mistakes seem simple and unimportant when viewed by the writer of the essay. However, an examiner will have to consider these mistakes as a part of the scoring criteria, which means these mistakes could pull your score down per criteria. Assuming that you are taking a some sort of English proficiency test that is.
## A large family is a happy family

  
  
The more economy develops, the less large family appear. Large family just exists in the past, however, It still has both advantages and disadvantages.  
  
A large family always a happy family. When parents have many children, they no longer think about the divorce. Being parents always have many pressures, but our children can make us have more determination and efforts in both their life and job. I will be happier and It will lead to the progress in my economy, it will also play an irreplaceable role in mental development.  
  
Moreover, when parents become older and retire, besides pension, we can count on our children. The children grow, finish college and have a job means their parents' happiness and pride. Children will look after their parents when they need and when parents pass away, the will come into the poverty their parents and ancestor left for them.  
  
However, the more children we have, the more money we need. The society is changing, therefore, the living standard is keeping higher. Parents cannot afford education, food and demand for children. It's hard to pay attention to each individual member in such a large familly, It also leads to the arguments between the children.  
  
In my opinion, I feel like to have many children. It may lead to many disadavantages in life, but If we are united, nothing may threaten to us.  
  
*I'm a new member and would you please correct my essay and give me some feedback? From 0 to 3, my essay is at which points?  
  
Thank you very much.*
Hello siatina,  
I think your introduction needs a rework as the general statement doesn't quite relate to the question.  
In the 2nd paragraph, using words such as always may sound a bit extreme. Consider using usually, may, could... Also, I think there are many married couples who still get divorced despite having kids due to financial issues.  
  
As mentioned above, money is the underlying factor of many divorces and this matter is explained quite clear in your 3rd paragraph. Hence, the idea in paragraph 1 may conflict with the argument in par 3.  
  
I don't know the criteria to give you a mark on the scale of 0-3. Please consider my suggestions.
Huong, you did not write the minimum number of words for this essay. To be considered for actual scoring based on the 4 considerations, you have to write at least 250 words. Anything less than that (201 words in this case) will result in an automatic failing score. Nothing else, no other scoring consideration will be able to help you pass this test because there will be deductions for every wrote under the minimum word count in your essay. So, the lack of words that will result in penalties for your work, plus other mistakes, will result in the lowest possible score for this essay. You will not pass the test if you do not write at least the minimum number of words, which is 250.  
  
Since this is a personal opinion essay, you are expected to use all first person pronouns in your discussion. That is because no other opinion is being considered in the overall discussion. Therefore, you need to take an active voice in this presentation. Otherwise, you will not be able to properly discuss the first person opinion requirement of this essay in an acceptable manner. Always use a formal structure of presentation because this is an academic essay.
you have to concern about the (s) if it is singular. for instance : The more economy develops, the less large family appear(s).  
  
the question is stated advantages and disadvantages, you need to paraphrase the question. do not use the same words.  
you can change those into benefits and drawbacks.  
  
do not abbreviate something when it comes to an essay. its not formal. for example: **It's** hard to pay attention.
**Leaders and directors in an organisation are normally older people. Some people think younger leader would be better. Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## old leaders vs younger workers

  
  
There are several obvious points in nominating older workers for high positions in an organisation. However, in such a fast-paced changing society, I believe that youngsters are more appropriate to be leaders or directors.  
  
Young people are both physically and psychologically eligible to be leaders. They are generally more energetic, dynamic and healthier as compared to their older colleagues. Pressure and stress of leadership are believed to be more efficiently addressed by young workers. Thus they have greater strength, which entails greater devotion. More significantly, decisions made by young people are likely to having thriving results. While old leaders prefer defending orientation, their younger counterparts are motivated by taking risks, with meticulous consideration. Thanks to their decisiveness and courage, more and more lucrative projects are carried out and successfully gain substantial revenue for businesses, for example.  
  
Opponents claim that oldsters have irreplaceable strength: experience. Nevertheless, this is no longer convincing when taking rapid obsolescence of knowledge nowadays into account. People in such decisive positions are required to have strong senses of adaptability and open mind. These characteristics are undoubtedly essences of youth and limits of experienced employees. Some people also say that older officers are more likely to get respect than young ones. This opinion is not grounded and biased, since there are various leaders in their thirties or even twenties are honored by the whole organisation.  
  
The writing above has highlighted the flaws in the argument for old leaders, while explain why younger workers should be given chances to experience leadership. Considering today society's competitiveness and changeability, youngsters can work to their full potential and attain inspiring achievements once they are empowered.
## Writing task 1: Ielts - Line Chart

  
  
The given graph shows the consumption of fast food in the UK (per week) from 1970 to 1990.  
  
The mentioned line chart elucidates the expenditure of fast food in United Kingdom weekly in the period of 1970 to 1990.  
As it can be seen from the chart, hamburger and fish and chips showed an upward trend while the opposite was true for pizza over the span of 20 years from 1970 to 1990. Interestingly, in this period, fish and chips had the most significant changes.  
  
In 1970, pizza was by far the best fast food consumed by inhabitants in the UK at over 300 grams. Meanwhile, the consumptions of hamburger and fish and chips were about 30 and 80 grams respectively. The period between 1970 and 1980 witnessed a marginal drop in the expenditure of pizza while the others increased gradually.  
  
After 1980, there was a rise at 150 grams in the consumption of fish and chip, but later hit the highest point, reaching 500 grams in 1990, which was a surprise. Similarly, the forenamed of hamburger reached a peak at approximately 290 grams. Nevertheless, the expenditure of pizza experienced a steady fall and hit the lowest point at 200 grams, but later went up moderately at 210 grams.  
  
*
Hi, I liked your report. Expenditure means spending, so you spend on something, not in or of something, and have expenditures on something Here are some other comments and suggestions:  
  
The ~~mentioned~~ line chart elucidates {this sounds a bit odd to me in this context - maybe "gives" or "presents" or "illustrates"} the expenditure on three different types of fast food in the United Kingdom purchased weekly in the period between 1970 and 1990.  
  
As can be seen ..., hamburger {I would use the plural here} and ...  
  
... the most significant change.  
  
In 1970, pizza was by far the most popular fast ... over 300 grams each week per person. Meanwhile, the consumptions {I would use the singular here, as consumption is non-countable} of hamburger ...  
  
...the expenditure on pizza while ...  
  
... at 150 grams {"rise at 150 grams" is unclear to me - I guess you mean that the consumption accelerated rapidly and doubled from 150 to 300 grams in the five years between 1980 and 1985} in the consumption of fish and chips, ...  
  
... reaching 500 ... was a surprise. {why was this a surprise? There is really not enough information for this to be either surprising or expected} Similarly, the forenamed ~~of~~ hamburger {this sounds odd to me, like you have given this hamburger a name, like "Harry the Hamburger"} reached a peak {"hit the highest point" and "reached a peak" to me describe a line that rises to a peak and then falls afterward. So here, I am not sure it is appropriate or clear, since we have no information about what happened after 1990} at approximately 290 grams. Nevertheless, {this is not the best transition. It means "despite this fact" and so is a cause and effect transition. Really what you want is a contrast transition, like "In contrast"} the amount spent on pizza ...  
  
...later went up moderately to 210 grams by the end of the period shown.
Question:  
*In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing.  
What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?*  
  
## Impact of Lifestyle on Health

  
  
Nowadays people are living in a stressful lifestyle with a heavy workload and unhealthy diets. Those who are under pressure have a high possibility to suffer from health problems such as cardiovascular disease or obesity. This essay is going to discuss the main problems and how we can do to fix these problems.  
  
To beginning with, one of the main reasons for the health problem is competition. It is undeniable that people living in the developed countries face the highly competitive environment; thus, they usually have to put more effort to make living, Individuals choose to sacrifice the leisure time which they can do sports or exercise instead of keeping working. In a study shown in Taiwan, around 70 per cent of office workers confess that they do not have time to relax for playing sports because they are occupied with works. In this case, I think the company should recruit more employees to ease each worker's workload, after all, the 'people' are the most important thing in business.  
  
In addition, diet habit also plays an essential role in our body healthy. Owing to globalisation, the number of fast food restaurant is a significant increase. Many children prefer to eat these high-calorie foods rather than natural foods; moreover, parents are too busy to pay more attention to their kids' diets. This may cause children are overweight. Maybe the government could try to impose the tax on the fast food restaurant or support the organic stores to change customers' eating habits gradually. Most importantly, people have to develop the habits about sports or exercise, both of them can help us stay away from diseases, make us happy and own a healthy body.  
  
In conclusion, exercise and doing sports are the two key factors to keep us in shape, it is true that all of us are busy at work but our health is much more important than anything.  
  
Thank for everyone who would like to help me!
Hi, your writing in this essay is fairly clear, but you do have a number of minor errors in grammar and usage that make some of your sentences sound unnatural.  
  
Your format might not be exactly what the graders are looking for though. Usually in this type of prompt, the causes are given in one body paragraph and the solutions are given in the second body paragraph. You have given one cause with its corresponding solution in each paragraph. This might be ok, but you ran into trouble in your second body paragraph because you end up talking about both diet and exercise, when your topic sentence indicated that the paragraph would be about diet alone. In other words, because of the format you have chosen, your essay seems unorganized and harder to follow. Also note my comments about avoiding giving reasons in your intro. Here are some specific suggestions:  
  
To begin with, one of  
  
...developed countries face a highly competitive  
  
... effort to make a living. As a result, individuals ... time during which they could have done sports or exercise instead of constantly working. In a study {"shown is Taiwan" seems odd - maybe "done in Taiwan"?} around  
  
... to relax or play sports because ... with work. {"works" is only used for works of art or similar}  
  
... each worker's workload. After all, the 'people' {why is this in quotes? This would imply they are not actually people! } are the most ...  
  
In addition, dietary habits also play an essential role in our bodies' health. ... fast food restaurant is increasing significantly. {I am not convinced globalisation is the cause of this - there are many local fast food restaurants as well as global chains}  
  
... too busy to pay enough attention to ... children to become overweight. ... try to impose taxes {or "a tax on"} on fast food restaurants or support ...  
  
... sports or exercise, since both ...  
  
... to keep us in shape. It is true ...
please help me get a good score at writing task 1 ielts by giving some comments below, thanks  
  
## Integration problems for people living abroad

  
  
The chart gives us information about integration problems for people moving to other countries.  
The biggest problem of people aged 35 to 54 is sorting out finances which experienced by 35 percent in this group. Besides, the 18-34 age takes just less one percent than the 35-54 age. The proportion of people aged over 55 who have financial problems is 29 percent.  
  
Next to reducing healthcare, it's a significant number for the 35-54 age with the highest percentage in comparison with other ages (37% in group). This problem takes account for 32 percent for the youngest group and 36 percent for the oldest group.  
  
Contrary to the problems above, finding a place for their children to learn and be took care is not a major problem. Only 2 percent of people in the oldest group and 6 percent of the youngest group have difficulty. However, people aged 35-54 still suffer difficulties from seeking schools for their children, which takes 19 percent.  
  
In general, all age groups experience the same problems but specially, the proportion of sorting out healthcare is a major part and finding schools for their children is a minor part in all age groups.  
  
Thanks for reading  
  
*
Hello @Hammy,  
  
Feedback from me:  
1. On the first paragraph about what the charts illustrate, i think you can add more by mentioning what are the problems and what are the age groups represented.  
  
2. Then, move to the second paragraph where you can write about an overall summary, example: which age group gets affected the most by the problem. Don't jump directly into details  
  
3. Then you can use the third and fourth paragraph by paraphrasing your details, focus on 1 point of view (either from the problems or from the age groups)  
  
Hope it helps! Good luck :)