dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
You have the right approach to the prompt restatement. Even the thesis statements provided are right on point with the discussion questions. However, there are portions in your reasoning paragraphs when it seems like you are transliterating in the sentence presentation, causing confusion for the reader when it comes to understanding the meaning of the sentence and its overall application in the paragraph. Perhaps you are thinking in Bhasa and translating it word for word to English? That is normally what students do, which results in the confusing sentence presentation. Always try to think and write in English, no matter how difficult it may be for you because that is the only way to get used to properly thinking and writing in English.  
  
In the concluding paragraph, you used a run on sentence in the presentation when, due to the differing discussion points, you should have used at least 3 sentences for the presentation:  
  
- Restated topic  
- restated reason  
- restated disadvantage  
  
A run-on sentence confuses the reader. You need to make sure that you are not doing that by allowing the readers to pause while reading your presentation. That allows for clarity in the understanding of the summary paragraph. By the way, you have a problem with timeline references in the essay, learn how to use the past, present, and future tenses, along with its variations for future reference and better GRA scoring.
Hi, I think you may want to use some abstract words to give an overview of the paragraph and make it more coherent.  
  
For example, why not try "**flexibility**"? I'd love to use it at the beginning of the second paragraph.  
  
**Flexibility is one of the factors that people take into consideration when they decide to be self-employed.** They can enjoy unfixed schedule......  
  
I believe it will make you essay more impressive.  
  
As to grammar, I found some mistakes that you may want to correct. For example:  
  
"As more and more expenditures ~~become~~ **have** skyrocketed (prehaps "have been skyrocketing"), while the wages that **they** earn ... have not **seen** any increase...
[IELTS WRITING TASK 2]  
## IN SOME COUNTRIES, OWNING A HOME RATHER THAN RENTING ONE IS VERY IMPORTANT FOR PEOPLE

  
*WHY MIGHT THIS BE THE CASE? DO YOU THINK THIS IS A POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE SITUATION?*  
  
It is true that having the capacity to afford a house instead of renting one is tremendously essential for everyone in some nations. This is attributable to a host of reasons, and in this essay, I am going to prove that it would be an extremely positive circumstance.  
  
There are two underlying reasons as to why people give priority to buying a house rather than renting one when it comes to accommodation. First and foremost, if a person had his own house, he could do anything as his desire in it without asking for others' permission. For instance, he might decorate the house with new ornaments, furniture or repaint the walls with his favorite colors. Furthermore, he can have that house equipped with cutting-edge technologies such as air-conditioners, washing machines or refrigerators, which is conducive to a more convenient and comfortable life. In case people are staying in a renting house, it is imperative to negotiate with the landlord about all the costs incurred and other problems related if they wish to have any change in the house. Another driving factor that results in people's inclination towards purchasing a house is its stability, especially when they prepare to settle down. It is undeniable that people can mitigate their concerns about paying the rental price each month as well as changing their accommodation when the rental contract expires.  
  
I would contend that people trying to purchase a home instead of renting a temporary place is totally rational. Since once people harbour a dream of doing something significant, they will certainly stop procrastinating and apply themselves to reach their goal. As buying a house is not that straightforward, it is so rewarding for those who have the drive and enthusiasm. Even if people are poor at the beginning, after a long period of making money and saving it, they can eventually enjoy the feeling of owning a home. Moreover, when considering another perspective, their country can get benefits from a thriving economy as its citizens are contributing more and more for the sake of a lucrative income.  
  
In conclusion, the sense of comfort and stability are to blame for the trend of owning a private home instead of opting for a renting one, and I am convinced that this phenomenon has a number of positive implications for both individuals and society.
The IELTS Task 2 essays will never ask you about the truth of an opinion given in the discussion topic section. So you do not need to say that something is true in your opening sentence. That is because such a reference is not supported as a necessary explanation in the original discussion. Sometimes, such statements lead to prompt deviations, which is why students are advised to not say that something is true or false in the presentation. As for your thesis sentences, you properly gave a response to the second question, but you did not clearly represent the 2 discussion reasons for the first question. So your thesis statement is incomplete. A clear opinion is composed of the opinion and the reasons that support your statement. A clear thesis statement that responds to the questions provided, with only discussion topics rather than full discussions, will allow you to gain a better TA score.  
  
The first reasoning paragraph has 2 filler sentences that did not help with the cohesiveness or clarity of the presentation. The first sentence just says there are 2 underlying reasons, that belongs in the thesis presentation, not the reasoning paragraph. Then, you counted out the first topic, but failed to use the "secondly" reference to clearly show a separate discussion topic. The second topic should have been a separate paragraph. As it is, your presentation is difficult to follow due to the improperly combined discussion.
@Holt  
Firstly, I want to thank you for giving me those comments.  
Secondly, I want to make this clear. I learned the structure " it is true", so I think it has nothing wrong here. Moreover, in the second paragraph, I discussed 2 reasons and you pointed out my lack of the second reason. But actually, I use "another driving factor'' to replace "secondly", which made it harder to follow. However, I discussed both of the 2 reasons, and the paragraph is all complete.
***A new generation of entrepreneurs believe that privately funded space tourism will be the next exciting development in space exprloration.  
## How true do you think it is?

  
How would space tourism affect space exploration as we know it today?***  
In 21 st century, it is evident that the space industry is experiencing booming development. Hence, the wealth have an idea of applying tourism into space domain by using private investments. From my perspective, this is now possible due to the state-of-the-art resources and wide-range knowledge they can afford.  
  
To embark with, living outside our planet in a long period is no longer beyond imagination. The indispensible conditions that support human's life such as: nutriants, water, oxygen, .... is now able to be created artificially ; transported, preserved in a long journey and also have capability of bearing harsh environment. Moreover space technology is more and more advanced over time, which garuantees human's safety by specialized safety requeriments and eradicates scepticism about risk.  
  
Having big potential in the near future, however, the impact of tourism on astronomy's researches is negligible. Even those two share the same exploiting object, space travelling bases on places that has been discovered , while astronomy and astronauts put their effort on seeking for new galaxy knowlegde.  
  
To recapitulate, I think space tourism can probably be not only a novel path but also a major part of commercial business. Whereas, it's effect on astronomic is not too considerable.  
  
P/s: Could you mark this task after making comments? Thanks a lot!
Right off the bat, I can tell you that this essay will not get a passing score because of the severe deductions you will get for writing less than 250 words. You only wrote 202 words, which means the missing 48 words will have corresponding percentage deductions applied to your overall presentation. Then there are the GRA problems since you are using 2 punctuation marks successively, a comma and ellipses, which is never done in academic or creative writing. Yes, that will mean additional points deductions. The paragraphs need to be properly formatted and run-on presentations should be eliminated. Write at least 3 sentences per paragraph to meet the word requirement.  
  
Basically, you have too many errors in this writing to get a passing score. My suggestion is that you try to focus on proper sentence formatting and development. Use sentence building exercises to help you become better at properly creating simple and complex sentence presentations. You need to focus less on your essay writing for now and more on English writing skills development first.
## Houses owned vs rented 1918-2011

  
  
The chart illustrates how purchasing and renting houses of people in England and Wales had changed over the period from 1918 to 2011. There was a downward trend in the number of residents living in rented apartments. However, the rate of people having their own accommodation is described as an upward trend. One of the significant features showed is that the percentage of households in both owned and rented apartments is the same in 1971, 50 percent. In 1918, renting houses was the most common phenomenon in English and Wales, accounting for around 77 percent. Meanwhile, no change happened in the two following time, 1939 and 1953. The figures representing the number of residents buying and renting accommodation are 32% and 68% respectively. There is a considerable fall in renting houses from 1953 to 1991. However, a large number of residents purchasing their own house pointed out over 38 years starting from 1952. In general, the changes in owning and renting apartment trend among residents in England and Wales show clearly in the chart.
## learning from home or in the school?

  
  
Some people claim that going to school is essential for a child's development while others believe that teaching children at home is best. In my opinion, both methods have their own benefits and disadvantages. We can combine them to have the best result.  
  
About the advantages of teaching at home, we don't need to pay the fee. Our children can study whenever they want, whatever they are interested in.  
  
But there are some disadvantages: children can't meet their friends or integrate with society; not every parent may have enough knowledge to teach, and we must manage with their indiscipline.  
  
The disadvantage of this method may be the advantage of another.  
Going to school makes our children have much time to go out. It may help our children have many soft skills such as teamwork, learn how to behave well, and have many unforgettable moments with friends. They have stable schedules, regulations, and children have to be disciplined to follow. Go along with advantages is some disadvantages. Firstly, violence is the alert in many schools. Secondly, the fee for education is a huge number. And it is so time-consuming to move between home and school. Many mountainous areas, isolated regions, civil war countries,... can't have enough infrastructure, teachers for everyone.  
  
Inclusions, the fact demonstrated that: not only people who study at school but also people who are taught at home are successful and received many medals, rewards in their lives. So we should use both methods to let our children have the best development with happiness.
Based on the prompt for this essay, there should not be a disadvantage discussion because you are asked to discuss the advantages for each method and then, offer your opinion as to which type of study you support and why. When you do not provide the correct discussion format, such as in this case, you will only receive a score for the section that applies to the prompt discussion instruction and your supporting opinion explanation. When that is done, word deductions are placed due to the existence of an unrelated paragraph. Since you only wrote 255 words, your final essay presentation will be far less than the 250 minimum. Resulting in a failing TA score without even adding other TA errors on your part. Then, there are the other errors present in the essay related to the scoring considerations. Once totaled, you will not be able to receive a passing score. By the way, I have to call you out in the misuse of punctuation marks. You can only use one punctuation mark as a time. You cannot use that successively as you did with the comma and ellipses. That will definitely result in an additional failing TA score due to improper sentence structure and lack of familiarity with English punctuation mark usage.
If this is not a personal essay (and it appears not to be) you should stay away from the use of first person as much as possible. (I, me, we) This gives the impression to the reader of a more unbiased view point. I would also suggest having a more concrete position on the subject. I usually state my position in the thesis, write about the advantages of **either** position (not both), and then make one paragraph your counterpoint. In the counterpoint paragraph you should bring up one or two reasons why you could be wrong, and then refute them as best you can. I really hope this helps!
**Hello Team.**  
  
Just wondering if you can help with this problem I'm having with my introduction, as I'm having difficulty telling if it a well thought out intro/thesis statement  
  
The Essay Question was  
  
## Outline the main features of the development of globalisation since the 1980s.

  
***What implications do these developments have for NZ international businesses?***  
  
What are the main features of the development of globalisation since the 1980s  
  
How do these development have a affect for NZ International businesses  
  
Keywords  
  
Globalisation  
International Businesses  
Development  
New Zealand  
  
Here my attempt  
  
With every century that passes, people across the globe get closer together in an ever-changing global integration process that seems to grow faster with every year. As technology accelerates at breakneck speed, the various sectors of the world become more interdependent. "Multinational corporations manufacture products in many countries and sell them to consumers around the world. Money, technology and raw materials are moving ever faster across national borders" (globalpolicy.org). Nevertheless, it is not only those tangible elements that quickly transcend borders: ideas, rituals, and cultures cross boundaries rapidly, and so that more policies and social movements develop on the international stage. The globalisation of today is not the globalisation of 70 years ago. Much of 20th-century globalisation directly relates to the Industrial Revolution and the transportation of goods across borders (Baldwin, 2018). The development of globalisation has many features that have been made since the 1980s. The emerging trends that contributed include the interconnection in the sense of markets, consumer tastes, and how finance is done. The strong influence of technology is a vital development that has to affect New Zealand (NZ) international business. Firstly, this essay will discuss the main features of the development of globalisation since the 1980s. Lastly, the implications that these developments have for NZ international businesses.  
  
Please Respond  
Thank you  
  
Kartstar113
You cannot jump from first to last without representing the discussion topics in between. You have the right idea, an over extended idea, but not enough of a thesis statement or personal abstract idea to represent the discussion flow of your research paper. I would not go with a century reference in this presentation. Globalisation is happening year on year so maybe, do with decades as a time description instead? Also, Maybe refer to a history of globalisation in New Zealand as part of the study? If you can present the history of globalisation in the country and the need for it to continue to grow as a part of the thesis statement, then you should develop a better thesis statement.
## nobody will buy printed newspapers or books anymore

  
  
TOPIC: In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying.  
  
It is often argued that in the future people will not buy printed newspaper or books. Instead of buying them, they will be able to read everything they want online without paying. I partly agree with this statement.  
  
I think the first reason which exhort people to read everything online free is technological development. Nowadays, many modern technologies are increasingly such as: smart phone, computer, smart television, etc. Therefore, there are abundant websites are brought forth. Numorous websites and applications are dissenminate namely: Facebook, USA today, New York Times,etc. Almost website are free and very helpful, you can access unreservedly on website without expense and supply the latest information with hasitly speed. Besides, when you want to read a book, it's easy. All you need to do is: text the tile of the book on the Internet and you click one website which is suitable for your demand. Briskly, free and convenient.  
  
Another perspective, there are some consquences will influence on your health when you when hourly using phone. Headache are on the increase in aldults, teenagers and young children. Others, not only mobile phone but also television,etc can cause symptons, dizzines, eye strain, neck pain and more. The number of hours that you spend on your phone is directly to your health problem frequency. In addition, some authors bring out their product in book form. If they publish online, you need to remunate them to read the book online. Especially, when people buy the book, they want to touch and feel aromatic sheet of book.  
  
After all, in my opinion, in the future many people will not buy printed newspaper or books because they reading everything they want online without paying and its convenience. But not at all, there are many people but not "nobody" buy and read printed newspaper or book due to the health and the feeling of their mood when they have a book.  
  
Thank for your comment!
You do not need to use trigger words like "often argued" because the presentation is that of a idea, not a debate or fight. Always strive to reflect the original sentiment of the prompt instead of creating sensationalist statements that may alter the original presentation ideas. Additionally, you have to make sure that you do not use any original part of the prompt such as:  
  
, they will be able to read everything they want online without paying  
This represents a cut and paste statement which will definitely lower your starting TA score. You have to prove your English comprehension and synonym usage skills by being able to restate the discussion elements without any word repetitions from the original.  
  
Avoid using words of uncertainty in the presentation such as "I think" because you need to be sure of your opinion. Even if you only party agree with the statement, you should be able to do so with conviction and use of academic words. The use of "shortcuts without meaning" such as "etc." are not used in an academic presentation. Use of such reference words will not help increase the LR score, even when used properly because it is not part of the academic writing set.  
  
In the concluding paragraph, you do not need to say "in my opinion" since it is a wrap up paragraph. Instead, refer to "All things considered" or "In the end..." By the way, you will receive further TA deductions for cutting and pasting the original prompt discussion portions once again. You already know why you should not do that. Do not use connecting words such as "but" to start a sentence since there is no previous idea to connect in the new sentence. Overall, the numerous errors in this presentation will assure you of a failing score in an actual test setting.
## acid rain statistics in the uk

  
  
The line graph illustrates four different sectors that caused acid rain emissions in the UK over a 17-year period, from 1990 to 2007.  
Overall, it is evident that the acid rain emissions that came from domestic were by far the lowest over the time shown. The enormous change was seen in the electricity, gas, and water supply.  
  
In 1990, the highest level was seen in the electricity, gas and water supply, which was at approximately 3.3 million tonnes. It was followed by other industries and transport and communication, which were at around 2.1 and 0.7 million tonnes respectively. The amount of domestic just over 0.5 million tonnes, the lowest point of four sectors.  
  
Over the following 17 years, there was a dramatic decrease in the quantity of electricity, gas and water supply and hit the lowest point at 0.5 million tonnes by 2007, a drop to nearly 3.5 million tonnes. At the same time, other industries and domestic were went down and bottomed out at 1.2 and 0.2 million tonnes respectively. In contrast to this, there was a slight decrease in the amount of transport and communication, which reached a peak at 1 million in 2005 then declined to nearly 0.75 million tonnes in 2004.  
  
*
Too many words. 205 words is geared towards the completion of a Task 2 essay. You should only write about 175-200 words for a better task 1 scoring potential. Your summary overview has a unique take on the information presentation. It shows that you know what exactly is included in the summary overview, and how to present it in an interesting manner to the reader. However, the most impressive trending statement was in the "overall" sentence. The "enormous change" reference isn't as impressive because there were no measurements given. To avoid having to present measurements for that sentence, it should have been better integrated into the "overall" presentation.  
  
For comparison purposes, you may want to consider presenting the overlapping information, of which there are several in this graph. That will show a clear analysis of the presentation and, that you considered all possible discussion aspects and information presentation for this line graph.
Hi friend,  
"which were at around 2.1 and 0.7 million tonnes respectively" I think the word "at" is redundant in here. "were around..." is enough and "respectively" should be separated from the rest by a comma."  
  
Due to my past mistakes in task 1, I was suggested to add more comparisons in the body instead of listing it only and I think it might be useful for you too. Great task by the way!
Hi. As a reader, I'm not happy with the "enormous change" sentence.  
  
First, I think you could make it clearer. What "enormous change" took place? Was it a dramatic decline, a sharp increase or a wild swing? Second, I think you could give a more comprehensive overview.  
  
If I were you, I would write as below:  
  
**The period given saw declines in acid rain emissions from electricity, gas and water supply, domestic industry and industries assigned to the 'other' column, though by varying degrees**.