dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**"People should work a fixed number of hours per week and employers should not ask anybody to work more than this"  
Give reasons for your answers and include relevant examples from your knowledge and experience.**  
  
## FORCING EMPLOYERS TO WORK OVERTIME

  
  
Nowadays, employers are pushing workforce to perform beyond their agreed upon time in order to maximize the profits with limited or less expenditure. However, human body researchers recommend executives to not to assign extra work to their worker because it leads to mental health deterioration, poor social life and dissatisfaction.  
  
First of all, long working hours cause depression to any individual. It is well known fact that if a human is focusing on one particular task for longer period of time the he might develop anxiety which would raise his frustration level. As a result he could face high blood pressure or high blood sugar medical problems. Thus, supervisors need to ensure that depending upon the job responsibility everyone should work for particular time duration.  
  
In addition, every person on this planet has fundamental right to live a happy social life. An individual's health is determined by three major factors: finance, social life, and physical strength. While money is one of the important aspects and directly proportional to working hours but to become socially and physically fit one has to spare a significant amount of time for his family, friends, and exercise.  
  
At last but not least, extra working hours sometimes cause dissatisfaction among the staff which could increase attrition rate of organization. For instance, TCS a giant Indian software firm, reported that last year 30% of its skilled personnel left the company because of overloaded assignments. Consequently, it lost many projects as it could not deliver its services on time due to shortage in staff.  
  
In conclusion, organization's HR managers need to analyse although forcing their employees to operate for more time might give short-term benefits, for long term this might be a curse as they could loose their skilled labour.  
  
I would appreciate he someone could score it in terms of ielts band for general ielts exam.
Vipy, I do not believe that you can score higher than a 5 with this essay. There are a number of presentation and discussion issues that led me to decide upon that score for you. Most of the reasons for the low score are easy to fix, provided you can remember to do it in your succeeding essays.  
  
First, you must always remember to present the prompt restatement in the first paragraph. You are never to discuss the facts of the topic without first presenting your understanding of the prompt requirements. Without that representation, your TA score, as in this instance was a 5. That is a lenient score considering that you did not even come close to a prompt representation. This is the example of what you have to present:  
  
*It is believed that people must only work for a specific number of days and time during the week. Employers must not take advantage of their workers by asking them to work overtime. In this essay, I shall present an explanation as to why this must be based upon my understanding and experience in the workplace.*  
  
After that prompt restatement, you could have used the paragraph starting with "First of all..." as the first body paragraph for your essay. The body paragraphs of your essay are also what provides the second problem with your essay. You do not really discuss the reasons you gave, which is required as a part of the paragraph information. Instead, you only offer sound bites for every reason in every paragraph. This results in an improperly developed paragraph that does not create a coherent or cohesive paragraph. This is a problem that is found throughout your body paragraph presentations.  
  
Finally, the concluding statement does not close the essay. Rather it continues the discussion. This is also a violation of the essay format as the concluding paragraph cannot discuss new information due to the 5 paragraph rule. The last paragraph is always used only for the summation of the discussion and nothing more. It is because of these reasons that I feel justified in giving you that overall score.
I try to analyse the sentence.  
  
"For instance, TCS a giant Indian software firm, reported ..."  
  
Hi @vipy411, I don't recommend you to cite any research result or data in a real test. The reasons are listed as below:  
  
1. You are denied access to internet, which means you cannot find any useful data or research result.  
2. Examiners cannot verify the data you cite, so they would doubt your argument. The potential consequence is that the persuasiveness of your essay will be undermined.  
  
You may use common sense to support your argument.
@Holt  
Thanks for your valuable inputs. I can understand most of your suggestions except one that your wrote " You do not really discuss the reasons you gave",  
  
. Depression, happy social life and dissatisfaction are the reasons and i have explained them as well. What I think concluding statement in para 3 and 4 is missing. is that the problem?  
  
or something else kindly explain " You do not really discuss the reasons you gave",
**With an increasing overweight population some people think universities should make sport a compulsory module on all degree courses.  
To what extent do you agree?.**  
  
## The Importance of Exercise

  
  
At the time, the number of overweight has increased every year. Some people believe that universities have to make new module about sport to tackle number of overweight population. Furthermore, this essay will discuss about how about if college have sport module for all degree and what the impact from it.  
  
Actually I agree if university has sport module for all degree courses, because the student will be healthier. Some researcher have researched about cause of disease, one of cause is inactivate. Inactivate is very dangerous for our health, even inactivate more hazard than smoking and drinking alcohol. Especially for student who always spend their time for sit on the chair to study, their blood circulate will be chaotic and in the long-term will impact with our body. Henceforth, be active or exercise is pivotal to our healthy.  
  
To distinguish living things and non-living beings, simply we just need to see whether the thing is moving, and exercise is aspect that for increase quality of move, similar to increase our life. Healthy is very essential to have each person especially student. With good health we can do anything and can always focus with our lesson in the class, it so difficult to concentrate if you are getting sick although you are clever. So that, sport module is very needed for all degree not merely for sport student because all of students need health body to study. evidently, exercise not only life style but right now has become a necessity.  
  
In conclude, this essay tell us about how are important exercise for our health and the university need sport module for all degree. I suggest to government and lecturer to make new module about sport and be applicated in all of degree. I hope the issue of inactivate does not happen again in the next time.
I understand the general ideas in your essay, but there are a lot of grammar and punctuation mistakes. Please proofread your essay carefully next time. By the way, I suggest that you should take a grammar course (there are many good free courses online) and use Grammarly to check your writing every time.  
  
I used Grammarly to detect all your mistakes and correct them. Hope this helps :D Some sentences are so confusing that I cannot really understand what it is about, therefore I cannot correct it.  
  
Don't give up. Try your best, good luck!  
  
... to make new ~~module about sport~~ sport module to tackle *the number* of*the overweight* population.  
  
*Actually,* I agree if *universities* has sport module for all degree *courses* because ... Some *researchers* have researched about *the cause* of disease, one of *them* is *being inactivate*. *Being inactivate* is very dangerous (...), even ~~inactivate~~ more hazard ... Especially for *students*who always spend their time ~~for~~ *sitting* on the chair to study, their blood *circulatio*n will be*chaotic(?)* and in the long-term [...] pivotal to our*health*.  
  
... and exercise is *the aspect* that ~~for~~ *increases*quality of*moving*, similar to ... Healthy is ~~very~~ essential to have each*person,*especially student. ... always focus ~~with~~ on our lesson in the class, it *is* so difficult to ...  
  
... because all ~~of~~ students need (...), exercise *is* not only *a lifestyle* but right now ...  
  
In *conclusion*, this essay*tells* us about how ~~are~~ important ...
Alimin, you have not properly discussed the essay. Your understanding of the prompt requirement is faulty. You chose to discuss the impact of having a sports module in classes rather than discussing an "extent" essay. The correct paraphrase is as follows:  
  
*Universities have seen a rise in the overweight population of their students. That is why there have been suggestions that the colleges should implement a mandatory sports course in all their college majors. I fully agree with this statement for a number of reasons that I will be presenting in this essay.  
  
For starters, students will be healthier if they are forced to play sports while at school. This is because...*  
  
While some of your discussions are aligned with the prompt, the rest of the presentation does not apply. It is difficult to understand your presentation due to problems with your basic English grammar skills. I strongly advise you to seek English tutoring in this aspect. Enroll in online English writing classes if necessary. Do not use the free programs because you need help with the basics and the free courses cannot help you with that. Additionally, do not get used to using grammarly for your writing grammar needs. You won't have access to that program on exam day so don't get used to it. Do not use it even for practice tests because you will not be able to function without it on the exam day itself. Just develop your grammar skills in a natural manner. That way you won't feel lost on exam day and you don't have access to your support system.
**Overpopulation in many major urban centers around the world is a major problem. What are the causes of this? How can this problem be solved?**  
  
## Causes and solutions for overpopulation issue

  
  
Major cities, across the globe, are facing overpopulation issue. This is mainly because of migration, however, several actions could be taken to tackle this problem.  
  
There are three main causes related to overcrowding problem in urban cities. Firstly, people from rural areas suffered fewer job opportunities or low-paid work which forced them to migrate for a better life. Secondly, educational institutions are not as good as in major cities where offering a wider range of curriculum with varieties of experienced teachers, which attracted a lot of parents to migrate for their children future. Finally, secured and convenient lifestyle, such as access to better health care centers or supermarkets or police stations, has given the reason for many people to move to the major cities from the countryside.  
  
One way to solve this phenomenon is the governments should encourage businesses to invest and develop in regional areas by implementing an incentive program for reaching certain progress. As a result, it would bring more jobs and stores to its regions so people do not need to leave their home.  
  
Another solution is reinforcing the locals infrastructure. In other words, the governments should focus on building more schools, medical facilities, and transportation. By doing this, it would be convenient for its residents to travel as well as attract more people come and work, promising a better education for the parents' children.  
  
In conclusion, the governments could implement different policies to change its current overpopulation issue by establishing more facilities and other infrastructures which, hopefully, would reduce the overcrowded stress in major cities around the world.  
  
Word: 259  
  
Thank you!  
  
CJ
Hi SG, listen you have a problem with your opening paraphrase. The first sentence is too similar to the original and the rest, doesn't allow for the proper redevelopment of the presentation in a manner that suits the requirements of the prompt. A more accurate paraphrase would probably have been as follows:  
  
*City capitals across the globe are experiencing a population boom. This has resulted in a number of problems for each country. In this essay, I will present a few causes of this problem and offer a possible, unified solution to the worldwide population growth problem.*  
  
Now, you only have 3 body paragraphs within which to discuss the problems and the solution. The situation in your essay is that you presented 3 barely developed representations of the problems in a single paragraph. That does not allow you to accurately develop your paragraph presentations in a coherent and cohesive manner. You only presented the problems without an actual cause to explain its existence. The solution, would have been to choose only 2 problems to present in fully developed individual paragraph discussions. That way the reason behind the problem is also presented and as such, a logical solution could be considered for presentation. Make sure that you just present connected problems so that you can offer a single solution that can cover both situations. Remember, you need to be able to clearly explain yourself in English so that you can score well in the C&C and GRA sections. So individual presentations are always best.  
  
Some of your paragraphs do not cover the 3 sentence minimum requirement so you need to fix that in your next essay. It should always be 3-5 sentences. No exceptions. As for the conclusion, it doesn't really summarize the discussion and offer a clean wrap up of your presentation. Rather, it continues the discussion so the examiner will see that there is no clear resolution in sight for your discussion and as such, came up as a 5 paragraph open ended essay rather than a closed essay discussion.
hi Jimmy, glad to read you're writing because you discuss nice topic actually. it good you wrote more than 250 words, and sometime in your paragraph you used nice tenses but not for all. for the first stage, in your introduction, you should a little explaining for describe your essay, so that the reader will be curious with your essay actually. secondly, you have to write 3 sentences for 1 paragraph. the last, in your conclusion is not clear and don't describe about all of your writing.  
  
I hope it Help.
## talent given or developed skills?

  
  
It is taken for granted that people tend to have interest for various things. Undoubtedly, people making preference to certain things regarding their abilities.However some kind of people may be good at something without any efforts . We have tendency to call it talent which is given to person by birth.  
  
There are two types of talent, nature and nurture will be taken up.  
In my point of view, people can learn something without having any certain talents to that. It comes by hard work, strong positions and life experience according to the desire. It's possible to reach our goals through keeping learning and going on to do what we want. Because people always have the opportunity to be more versatile. They have strong desire and passion to their interests enabled to reach their goals successfully. Secondly, without any efforts and practices people can not develop their skills accordingly. Further if we start to something learn from childhood it may become our habit. Accordingly not all of the things are linked with genetic capability. Thus almost many sportsmen became famous thanks to a lots of practices and exercises without any specific talents are genetically inherited.  
  
I'm not denying that talent is given by birth and that's like a valuable gift. We recognize that special talents like having a beautiful voice, analytical and mathematician skills are given by genetics. All of these things are inherited from parents, grandparents or relatives.  
  
Certainly, the vast majority consider that people having the talent since they are born has more success than other types. However this reflection is not always correct. Because as above- mentioned,only having nature talent is not enough for realizing your goals.My position in this regard, it is really important to have natural type of talent, albeit it should have to be interconnected with nurture one. Because without developing personal skills you can not completely use your natural talent.
Akerke, your thesis statement isn't really clear to the reader. You need to clarify what the thesis statement for your essay is. There is a lack of preciseness in the method by which you open you essay. Will this be a comparison discussion? Or will it be a solely personal opinion essay based upon the 2 sides for discussion. By the way, that stand alone sentence between your opening paragraph and the next complete paragraph is out of place. That should be a part of the first paragraph and not a solo sentence without a purpose in between two discussion points.  
  
This essay, should be discussed in a manner far more thorough and longer than the existing presentation. Each topic must be given its own paragraph or two with which you can better develop your discussions. Take for example your official second paragraph. You used the same paragraph for 2 topic discussions. As a reader I found that I was still unclear about your first point because of the lack of supporting evidence and yet I had to launch into an understanding of a second point, in the same paragraph, which was not well presented either. Therefore, the paragraph did not help increase your discussion points as it create more questions than answers for the reader. That is why you need to discuss each topic as a completely developed paragraph, without making reference to a second point in the same discussion. The second point, should have its own developed discussion as well.  
  
Do not start your sentences with the word "because". That is a connecting term / word which is only used in the middle of a sentence in order to connect 2 separate thoughts relating to the same discussion. Since it is not connecting a thought process at the start of the sentence, you must refrain from using it as an opening word or term.
**Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction  
Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## job choice aspects

  
  
ANS:  
There are many opinion that a job provide high salary is more important than job satisfaction. However, I obviously disagree that, job satisfaction is biggest goal in searching a job.  
  
People might choose the job which provide them high salary. They think having enough money is important to live. For example, if people have some health problems and must to go to see a doctor. The expense of medical surgery is usually expensive, if people can not afford this expense, surgery will not progress successfully. Moreover, having a myriad of money can buy anything they want, anywhere they want to travel. High salary can bring them high quality life.  
  
On the other hand, job satisfaction also have many benefit to people. Firstly, people find a job which they dream it so much, they can totally devote themselves into their job. Furthermore, if they doing perfectly in their job and they would promoted by their supervisor. Secondly, job satisfaction could fulfill someone and they do not think job is boring. They would energetically go to work every day. Although people who satisfy their job but they do not have high salary, I believe their life is happier than others.  
  
In conclusion, there are many aspects of people should choose a job in high salary, rather than have job satisfaction. In my perspective, job satisfaction is more important than high salary, so I disagree big salary is more important than job satisfaction.
Lu, your opening paraphrase is incomplete as it does not satisfy the presentation of the original information. This paragraph should be at least 3 sentences long in order to pass the proper paragraph format for this essay. Here's a sample:  
  
*Some people say that earning well is important when it comes to work. Others insist that job satisfaction is the more important factor to consider. In this essay, I will discuss my personal opinion regarding the given statement.*  
  
You have a problem with coherence and cohesiveness in all your paragraphs. You are presenting unrelated information without using transition sentences. A clear example of this can be found in paragraph 2 (for starters) where you said that people need high salaries because it is important to their lives. You mention medical care as an example of this. However, you go from simple illness that require simple medication to medical surgery, without transitioning from simple to complex examples. Then, without fully explaining those reasons, you suddenly talk about needing money to buy anything they want. Then you close by talking about a high quality of life.  
  
You need to learn to justify your discussions using one reason per paragraph. That is the only way you can score higher in the C&C portion of the essay. The way you have the essay written at the moment, the highest you can score in the C&C section is 2. Just as your TA score will only be a 3 for similar reasons.  
  
Your main areas of concern and future improvement are the TA and C&C sections. It would be in your best interest to focus on making better presentations of those areas in your upcoming essays. When you improve those 2 sections, the remaining scoring factors should also improve.
## TOEFL: How does advertising influence people's behavior?

  
  
In today's society, many ways to earn money have emerged from business. Advertising is one of them and the best way to attract attention from others to buy a particular product. Advertisement exists in many different forms. Companies look for competent employees using their websites and newspapers. The method of advertising best known to people is used mostly between television shows. After a drama or comedy show ends, people get a chance to watch an advertisement. In my opinion, advertising causes impulse purchases and makes others earn more money.  
  
First of all, advertising is well known to people for causing impulse purchases. For example, my mother likes to watch a comedy show after a long work every day. It is not a surprising fact that she faces certain advertisements on televisions. If there is any product that seems useful, she immediately grabs her phone and order it without much thinking and consideration. It quite frustrates me that she sometimes does not spend her money for good purposes.  
  
Secondly, using advertisement is one of the best ways to earn money. After a person creatively invents his first product which can help people to a large extent, a huge business comes to his mind. In order for his to earn money efficiently, letting many people know his product is his first important job. For instance, one of my relatives invented a useful machine few years ago. He wanted to earn money. What he did next was to advertise his machine via newspapers and online shops. Therefore, he could successfully grow his business and make a massive income.  
  
In conclusion, advertising influences people's behavior to do many different things such as causing people to impulsively buy things and attracting others to buy them to gain lots of money. If I have a trouble selling products in the future, I shall make a use of advertisements.  
  
**Word count: 312  
Time given: 30 mins  
Time left: 3 mins 54 secs**  
  
I was busy writing this essay with the given 30 minutes so I'm not sure if they makes sense.  
Any feedback is welcome.