Neha, since you posted two versions of the essay, I will be advising you only on the second version since that is the newest interpretation that you created for the prompt statement. There are several mistakes in this essay that will lower the TA score to the point where the whole essay may not pass in the remaining scoring sections because the TA score has the most consideration in the individual scoring system.  
  
I am not sure if you are attending classes or not for the IELTS review. I am weary of advising students who are attending classes and have lessons and instructions coming from their tutors, who come here and ask for advice only to argue with me about the proper way to write the essay, If you have a tutor, know that you can disregard my advice at any time. I will not argue with someone who has a tutor since I am only giving free advice here. My advice is on a take it or leave it basis.  
  
Your TA will get a 5 as per my assessment of your work. The first reason for this score is that your opening statement does not accurately represent the discussion requirements. There are 3 requirements for presentation that section:  
  
1. Positive  
2. Negative  
3. Personal Opinion  
  
When there are 3 sections to be presented and your paraphrased instruction only represents 2, there will be a score deduction for the additional reason that you began the discussion of the topic, by presenting your personal opinion within the prompt restatement. The opening statement is used to assess your ability to represent your own understanding of the original prompt. The main rule to be remembered here is that you are NEVER allowed to begin the discussion of the prompt in this section. The prompt restatement must be completed within 3-5 sentences only. The opinion discussion is reserved for the 3 body paragraphs. Due to this mistake, your C&C section score will also be affected.  
  
The C&C section is used to judge your English thinking ability and your skill in representing that on paper. As such, when you discussed the personal opinion in the opening statement, you violated this rule twice. You discussed your personal opinion, as an integrated statement in the second paragraph. Again, the personal opinion needs to be a stand alone and strong paragraph discussion. A complete and developed paragraph is within 3-5 sentences, based on a singular topic per paragraph. Multiple topics discussed in a single paragraph results in an under developed discussion presentation and, in this instance, garnered you a score of 4.  
  
The body paragraphs for this essay should have contained:  
  
1. Discussion 1  
2. Discussion 2  
3. Personal Opinion  
  
The IELTS Task 2 essay, whether for academic or General Test writing should always be composed of 5 properly and completely developed paragraphs in order to gain a higher percentage of LR and GRA scores. In this instance, your LR score would be in the range of 5. You have spelling errors that you did not bother to correct in the essay so that pulled the score down even further for that section.  
  
The GRA, would be around a 6. Your sentence tend to ramble on rather than getting directly to the point. You need to write only 250 words for this essay. Do not write more than that so you can focus on editing and revising your essay for final submission. It isn't the amount of words that you have written that is being scored but rather your skill in using the English language. So be direct to the point when discussing in the paragraphs. Stay on topic, do not suddenly insert a personal opinion because the personal opinion is a stand alone paragraph that supports only 1 side of the discussion. Do not use it for comparison discussion purposes.