dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Immigration has a major impact on the society.  
What are the main reasons of immigration? To what consequences can it lead?  
Write at least 250 words.**  
  
## People are migrating across the world

  
  
From the development of civilization, human beings --the supreme sociable creatures on the Earth-- are the most migratory species on the Earth. The causes and the effects of such migration is going to be discussed in the following paragraphs.  
  
By nature, human beings don't want to remain in a single place. They want to explore for different novel kinds of things and in the process they move from one place to another. In addition, many people from the underdeveloped countries try to migrate to other developed nations because of abundance of facilities like job, education, peace and security. For instance, many people from Bhutan have been immigrated to USA as refugee and many Afghani are immigrated to neighbourhood countries because they are insecure in their own country. Similarly, the other factors like employment factors, health, transportation, electricity, communication, climatic conditions and so on are other factors that urge people to move from one country to another.  
  
The immigration has both the positive and negative impact in the country where immigrants are going to be settled. However, there are always adverse effects in that country where the immigrants leave out. We can see the trend that mostly the adults have tendency to immigrate and this results in the decrement of the manpower in the country where they leave. This causes a huge scarcity of manpower in the society and country as a whole, if greater number of people flow out. On one hand, the immigrants can be a effective manpower to those countries where people thought to migrate. But on the other hand, immigrants can destroy the harmony of that society by bringing different kinds of riots like it may be cultural, linguistic, colour discrimination and so on.  
  
To sum, immigration sometimes can be harmful to the country where immigrants are settling and always disastrous to the country where they leave.
Utsi, the way that you introduced the topic is exaggerated. You must only present a discussion that relates to the immediate past history of man, as it applies to the discussion. Bringing the discussion all the way back to the development of civilization was unwarranted. The discussion that you presented did not start from the first sighting of the Homo Erectus species of man so there was no need to go that far back. Simply indicating that man is nomadic in nature, without specifying a time frame would have been more beneficial to your opening statement. By the way, your opening statement is incomplete as it does not paraphrase the portion about the major impact of immigration upon society. The paraphrased introduction can definitely use more work. Make sure that all aspects of the prompt are properly represented in your introductory paragraph because this will be the basis of your upcoming discussion paragraphs.  
  
We already know that the essay will be about the immigrant nature of man. There is no need to repeat that in the second paragraph. Avoid redundancies because the reviewer will count those are word fillers and it will not help increase your final score. Most importantly, discuss only one reason at a time in order to give yourself the opportunity to fully develop your discussion. There is no sense in presenting numerous reasons, as you do in this essay, when you cannot properly develop the defense for your lines of reasoning due to the paragraph and word requirement.  
  
When you are asked to discuss "consequences", that automatically falls under the "negative" discussion. So saying that something has positive and negative effects is silly. It shows a lack of English vocabulary understanding on your part and will affect your lexical score. Simply use the same term as the prompt when indicating the start of the discussion. In this case the key term is "consequences". Mentioning one or two negatives that are related would be the perfect way to discuss this part.  
  
Finally, your conclusion is lacking in impact and usefulness. It does not properly sum up the topic for discussion, provide a discussion overview, and a repetition of your consequences prior to the closing sentence. A proper conclusion wraps up in 5 sentences. Not a single sentence.
Ashley, what is the focal point of your research? You will need to clarify the thesis statement in your essay by developing a proper outline sentence in your opening statement. That paragraph does not make sense at the moment and does not really offer information about what you will be discussing in the research and why it is important that people try to change the contributing factors to human slavery. By the way, it is an academic no-no to present an in-text citation in your opening paragraph.  
  
Your presentation of in-text citations are also faulty. What type of research format are you using? MLA? APA? Chicago? Please pick one writing style and then format your citations and paraphrasing in the proper manner in orde rto make the paper appear cleaner and make it easier to read for the professor.  
  
Rather than using actual quotes, you could opt to paraphrase the quote instead. This will allow you to deliver a more personal understanding and opinion regarding the quotes. While professors appreciate the actual citations, they give more points when the student makes an extra effort in trying to present a new take on the given information.  
  
As for the hook. Try to present an interesting anecdote or story of someone who survived human trafficking. Make sure to relate that person's experience with the target topic of your essay. That way you can seamlessly integrate the two and create an imaginative opening statement.
## Someland's smokers

  
  
The graph provides information about the number of people smoking in Someland which is divided into two different gender groups. It can be seen that number of men smoking was always higher than that of the group of women.  
  
As regard the first, it was about 600 men in every 1000 using tobacco in the beginning of the period. However, this data experienced an gradually decrease to 250000 in 2000.  
  
For the first 25 years, the rate of women smoking had an steady increase from under 100 women per 1000 to slightly more than 300. After that, it remained this rate for 5 years and then, it started to gradually decline to 200 people in every 1000 in 2000.  
  
In conlclusion, it is noticeable that more and more men in Someland decided to quit smoking. Meanwhile, the rate of smoking in women generally increased until 1977 and then fell for the rest of period.  
  
*
Ngo, the major flaws of this essay are your inability to write a good introduction and lack of detailed interpretation of the information in the graph. In the first instance, your paraphrase of the prompt is improper and you did not show a complete overview of the trend in the graph at a glance. You just did a superficial interpretation and left out some in-depth observations that would have avail more points of discussion to you. For instance, you were not able to notice that the number of women that smoked in Someland peaked in 1965 and 1975 at the rate of 190 and 320 people respectively. Also, you failed to make any comparison between the two slopes in the graph. From the chart, it can be deduced that the number of women that smoked increased steadily from 1960 to 1965 and 1970 to 1975 unlike their men counterpart that decreased continuously throughout the forty year period. Had you engaged detailed interpretation of the information as I just did, you would have developed a good essay with more number of words and complete paragraphs. Unfortunately, this version of essay will not earn you a desirable score due to lack of convincing interpretation of the chart provided. I must commend your level of vocabulary development and grammar construction. The fact that your draft is free of typos shows that you will surely improve significantly in your next practice if you give time to observing the trend in the chart rather than hasty but superficial interpretation.
## Place to live and better chance for a child's future

  
  
The argument about a child should grow in a large city or a small town has not been new on media. Several people believe that countryside keeps children away from the risks in modern society. I, on the other hand, agree with the opinion for growing children in an urban area because of two reasons which I will explore in the following essay. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.  
  
To begin with, a big city centralizes a vast number of schools and cultural facilities. Children have more opportunities in determining a good education from primary schools to universities in urban areas; the key for children to approach a brighter future. My own experience is a compelling example of this. I lived in a big city, the capital of the country, where I have studied for eighteen years but no need to move out of the city. The schools and the university in my city belong to the top rankings in the education system. Along with the good education, My study boosted by the large system of national libraries where I spent most of my childhood reading books and developing computer skills. As the result of this, I built my passion for computer science, and now, I am a scientist in Artificial Intelligent.  
  
Secondly, children who live in a big city has more chance to obtain the best healthcare system. As we know, children with the incomplete immune system have to face many hazards. Even if there are scores of diseases will change the ability of a child for a long time if he or she is not treated well. I have a friend who I met in the third year at university. The guy is disadvantage just because he got a fever when he was seven years old. At the time he got sick, the vaccine and technology to defeat fever presented almost of the drug stores in urban but lacking in the rural area. From the stories which I have heard in my life, the children live more beneficial in a big city than a small town.  
  
In conclusion, I always believe that children need to grow in cities than rural areas. This is because they gain more chance in the future by a good education and necessary healthcare system.
Thanh, your essay doesn't clearly depict the type of essay discussion you are expected to present in the essay. While the topic is clear, the discussion type (e.g. comparison or opinion essay) needs to be clear as well. Remove that sentences such as "I will explore in the following essay" because it shows a lack of grammar range on your part. Try to always release a sentence, even if it means the same thing. Be consistent in your discussions. If you discuss the advantage of the educational system in the first part, then show the discharge in the second part. That will give validity and credence to your life of reasoning presented and also show your ability to think logically and coherently in English. Work on developing a proper conclusion on your essay. It takes more than just 2 lines to properly close a week developed essay. Summarize and then conclude using all aspects of discussion, not just your personal opinion.
**Some people think that national sport teams and individual men and women who represent their country should be financially supported by government. However, others argue that they should be funded by non-government sources (e/g business. scholarship and etc). Discuss both views!**  
  
## national budget on sport

  
  
Mostly, national athletes who participate in international sport competition have less budged financed their own necessities alongside the events. For this reason, some inhabitants claim that the sport team must be officially funded by government, while the others state that the athletes will be better to be supported by non-goverment. This essay will ellaborate both views that will be written below  
  
No one enable deny the national sport teams who are potential to become a winner in the International sport competitions will be authomatically proud by society as the a remarkable representative of their own country. Obviously, if they gain the goblet, the name of their nation will be familiarized in the world. Requiring many attainable achivements in numerous fields included in sports lead to a highly qualification for their state. It is admitted that, the participation attempting the victory should be funded by government in order to appreciate their achievement which reputably bring an admirable profit to their nation. A good example is shown by football team in Brazil who is fully funded by their goverment. The result in, sport teams enable to perform their maximal work in the competition with a national spirit beacuse they officially bring their country's name. This encouragament of Brazilian goverment and its inhabitants depicts a kindly way to present the support to the sport teams as a priority, although virtually most of Brazilians are also still in an improverished background.  
  
However, non-government also probably contribute a larger fund than goverment. The fact highlights that the main problems of the finance still relate to the less of budget provided by the government. The allocation of the sport budget enables to impact to the reducing of the other fields' budget which also own necessities to utilize the budget for many social programmes . By considering this case, non-goverment would be one of the solution to be a sponsor to donate the athlete's involvement in the international competition. For instance, Taufik Hidayat, a professional badminton player from Indonesia who obtained the sponsorship from DJARUM. The finance completely provided all of his facilitation until he achieved an international world goblet in badminton competition. As a result, the sponsor from non-goverment is helpfull for the athletes.  
  
Owning to this, both sides particullary bring different merits for the national sport team. The budget from the goverment will reasonably make a sense as representative of nation, while the budget from non-goverment has the larger donation to facilitate the athletes during the competition.
Sri, in all honesty, the grammar problems and mistakes in your spelling are so severe in this essay that as an examiner, I found myself wishing that I could stop reading your essay and end my torture. Please make it a habit to double check your spelling and proof read your grammar for mistakes. Also, the term is trophy, not goblet. A while a trophy is sometimes called a goblet, due to the shape that is similar to a drinking glass, the official term is trophy. The word is spelled "automatic", without an H. These sorts of avoidable mistakes are what draws your score closer to failing instead of passing. I suggest that before you start writing these essays, that you practice writing simple English sentences​ properly first using online practice sites. You need to be able to write and develop sentences properly in order to enhance your chances at a higher score based on language proficiency. Right now, it is highly difficult to understand the thought process and message delivery in your essay. That doesn't bode well for your final exam score in this section.
Sri, although you tried your best in the introductory paragraph, it is not good enough to earn you substantial marks for the overall score. This is because your current draft lack proper paraphrase of the prompt and thesis statement is completely out. The last sentence of the 1st paragraph should have been the perfect point where the thesis statement comes in, but what you have there did not tell the reviewer anything concerning what the body of your essay is all about. From the body of the essay I could understand, based on your argument, that financial support from government would raise the team spirit athletes while that of non-government would be more encompassing and far reaching. Fortunately, my last statement, ''...financial support from government would...'' can serve as a thesis statement for your essay if properly constructed. While I commend the way you organised your paragraphs, without regard to the content anyway, I feel that you still need more work to do in terms of mastery of English grammar. It is usually a good practice to start the second paragraph with a transition word or phrase such as 'Firstly', 'On the one hand', and so on. There are lots of typos, incomplete statements and expressions with little or no sense in paragraphs 2 and 3 which made your essay very difficult to peruse. You really need to keep working on your vocabulary and take out time to study some good and reviewed IELTS Task 2 essays in this forum. That way, you will surely improve faster. For a starter, I would like to show you an example of a good introduction for your essay prompt:  
  
A number of individuals believe that countryside sports teams and athletes who stand for their nations in gaming competitions should earn government's fiscal encouragement. On the contrary, many people opine that non-governmental sources should take up the funding roles. While one school of thought argue that non-government source would provide sufficient and extensive monetary assistance than government whose financial attention is needed by other sectors of the economy, the other owe their view to the fact that financial backup from government would boost the team spirit of the country's representatives.
The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billion) of telephone calls in the UK, divided into three categories, from 1995-2002  
  
## number of phone calling hours

  
  
The bar chart depicts how inhabitants in UK spent their time on separate types of telephone calls over a 7-year period between 1995 and 2002.  
  
Overall, what stands out from the chart is that both mobiles (all calls) and national and international - fixed line witnessed an increase in minutes throughout 7 years while local - fixed line fluctuated its figure from 1995 to 2002.  
  
Local fixed line calls were the highest during the whole period, slightly rising from about 72 billion minutes in 1990 to its peak 90 billion minutes in 1999. After 1999, there was a marginal decline in the next three years until it reached roundly 70 billion minutes in 2002.  
  
There was a significant rise in mobiles, rocketing from approximately 3 billion minutes to over 40 billion minutes in 2002. National and international fixed line calls grew steadily from 38 billion to 61 billion at the end of the period.  
  
(152 words)
Khoa, where is the chart for this analysis essay? I don't have anything to compare your written information to in terms of accuracy. Please remember to upload that with your next essay. In the meantime, writing only 152 words out of a 150 minimum will not help to increase your score. Try to write at least 200 words in completely developed paragraph forms. I noticed that you failed to present actual data, as provided in the chart. Since this is an analytical essay, you are expected to summarize the important data, that includes chart figures, in order to provide a factual summary of the report. Right now, the information you provide is incomplete and therefore, becomes questionable in content. Therefore, this is an insufficient summary that cannot score highly in an actual test. The increased word count, that could have helped your score, would have come from a complete data presentation in the summary based on the chart figures.
TOPIC: **"Nowadays, people are changing their jobs rapidly, and many think they can't depend on the same job for life. Discuss the reasons for the phenomenon and make some suggestions."**  
  
## switching workplaces

  
  
In these days, many people believe they cannot count on the same job perpetually, and are rapidly changing their jobs. I think it is due to the fact that some think doing the same job for life lacks challenges, and others think they cannot adapt the working environment.  
  
When it comes to the former, people who think keep doing the same job is lacking of challenges usually want to enhance their ability and accumulate experience through changing a variety of works, especially the young adults. For instance, some people change jobs in a few months or years till they think they are experienced enough.  
  
As for the latter, people who cannot adapt their working environment change jobs rapidly as well. For example, "tour guide" is a very exhausting work, you have to sleep really late and wake up very early, in addition, walking for a long distance for touring is also tiring. Many people who work as tour guide, security guard, or porter change their carreers frequently in that it is too exhausting to do it for good.  
  
In conclusion, I consider the perspective of accumulating the experience through changing jobs a good idea, however, you must ensure that spending those times is worth it. On the other hand, I mostly support people change jobs which make them worn-out, doing that kinds of jobs perpetually may be too exhausting for most people.The examples mentioned above are what I believe are the reasons why people change jobs rapidly nowadays.
Hsin-ya, your opening statement is really because it immediately represents your opinion of matters to be discussed in the body of paragraphs to follow. If you review the prompt requirement, your opinion is not required in the essay so it shouldn't be mentioned anywhere in it. However, a reference to the fact that you will be discussing several reasons for this occurence and how it can be prevented from happening in the future should be mentioned in the opening statement. Think of the introduction as a teaser. Don't give away the whole the story at the start. Use highlights to accentuate your discussions. The discussion paragraphs need further thought development as the presentations are to shallow in nature when it comes to indicating reasons as to why people switch jobs often. It doesn't present an alternative, as required that can prevent the situation from happening in the future. The concluding paragraph continues to present new ideas for discussion, along with an unwarranted personal opinion. That means it cannot be considered a concluding paragraph. A proper conclusion works only on summarizing a discussion for more accurate consideration of the discussion presented on the part of the writer and reader.