dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## use of computers in education

  
  
***Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. Discuss both sides of this argument and then give your own opinion.***  
  
The growing use of technology in classroom environment has become a hot topic of much debate in recent years. While some people embrace the merits it offers, others are concerned about its reverse ramifications. This essay, although supports the former opinion, will analyse both views.  
  
(Maybe should add a connecting sentence here instead of going straight into the first benefit - like saying there are a lot of benefits. Going straight in gives off the sense that it is the only benefit you are going to list.) The proponents of this trend are convinced that there are a number of benefits that come with it. Firstly, computers provide students with unlimited sources of information. Google is an excellent illustration for this advantage. With a touch of a button, For instance, by using Google or other search engines learners are able to tap into a wide range of online materials that might be inaccessible without technology. Another benefit of utilising the screens in learning process lies with the ability to take online courses and study at one's own pace. This is to the advantage of those who want to study but are unable to allocate their time or/and finances to enrol on campus. Universities these days offer a plethora of distance-learning courses, giving people myriad opportunities to enrich their knowledge and gain necessary credentials for their future career, and most importantly, at the speed of their choice and without being presence in class.  
  
Turning to the other side of the argument, opponents' main concern is possibly the degeneration of in-person interactions. Learners may no longer find the need to be present at a lecture or a group discussion as these are now feasible virtually. This could weaken interpersonal skills and isolate people. The counter argument for this, however, is that a form of face-to-face communication is still possible via Viber, Facetime or Skype. The negatives, therefore, come nowhere near matching with the positives that technology has brought about.  
  
To encapsulate, while it is important to acknowledge certain negative impacts of using technology in education, the benefits are enormous and should not be ignored. In my opinion, this development is predominantly positive and we should realise it to move forward.
Hi.  
~~although supports~~  -> in spite of supporting  
without technology **such as computers and the Internet**,  
**to support** ~~for~~ their future career,  
without ~~being presence~~ in class.->presenting.  
The negatives, therefore, ~~come nowhere near matching with~~ the positives that technology has brought about. -> Therefore, I doubt it is impossible for the negatives to rival the positives that technology has brought about.
Van, you are over thinking this essay topic. Overthinking is what will cause you to fail. You do not need to dazzle the examiner, you just need to convince him that you have enough English know-how to survive academically in their universities and colleges.  
  
In response to your question. You can dive directly into the topic for the discussion in the paragraph. Do not introduce several reasons in one paragraph because you are being scored on your ability to explain your topic and its accompanying justifications in English. You do not need several topics. You only need 3 topics namely;  
  
1. Point of view 1  
2. Point of view 2  
3. Personal opinion  
  
You only have a maximum of 5 sentences, minimum of 3 per paragraph. That is why you are encouraged to develop only one topic for the discussion per paragraph. You cannot completely explain several topics in 5 sentences. This would result in a low C&C and GRA score because none of the topics will be properly justified in the paragraph.  
  
If you want to present a strong point of view, make sure to discuss the point of view that you support in the second body paragraph so that you will be sure to be able to drive your point home in the personal opinion paragraph.  
  
By the way, it appears that you forgot to include your personal point of view in the essay. I only see a discussion of the 2 opinions Did you mistakenly incorporate your point of view into the public information presentation paragraphs? I believe that you did.  
  
Also, when you discuss the arguments, do not present counter arguments. Like I said above, you can't really present a completely believable justification of your counter argument. You could however, use the counter argument as a part of your personal opinion discussion.  
  
Your concluding summary does not really inform the reader in a reminder form of what was previously discussed, making it less effective than it should be. aim for a proper summary of the discussion within 3-5 sentences (standard number of sentences).
## Comparison of spreads usage

  
  
The line graph illustrates the usage of three spreads, including margarine, low fat & reduced spread and butter between 1981 and 2007.  
  
Overall, the number of these three spreads taken by consumers fluctuated. Both consumptions of butter and margarine decreased while the usage of low fat & reduced spreads rose.  
  
Initially, there were around 90 grams of margarine spreads. The number then went up and down and reduced enormously to 40 grams in 2007. Originally, the consumption of butter is the largest among all of them in 1981 (around 145 grams), it then rose sharply to 160 grams in 1986 and reduced dramatically to 50 grams in 2007. For low fat & reduced spreads, the consumption started in 1996, it goes up rapidly to around 80 grams in 2001 and declined slightly to 70 grams in 2007  
  
At first, the number of butter spreads outweighed the margarine spreads, and both of their numbers were larger than low fat & reduced spreads in 1996. However, at last, low fat & reduced spreads overtook both butter and margarine spreads in 2007 with the differences of around 20 grams.  
  
[186 words]  
  
*Please give a score for my essay, thank you!!*  
  
*   
*the graph*
hi. i think:  
-there were fluctuations in the total consumption of margarine and butter from 1981 to 1996 ( the number of low fat & reduced spread and butter didn't exist throughout this period)  
  
-the overall trend was descending. (the red line went up from 20-80 **only** for 5 years but went down for 6 years, or more )  
-you should describe the highest, lowest top of each line, not how they are on the graph like *The number then went up and down and reduced enormously to 40 grams in 2007*
imchang, I know that there are several examples of task 1 essays on the web that separate the summary overview into single sentence, separate presentations. Do not follow those examples. Your C&C score will be higher when you combine those sentences into one interconnected paragraph presentation of 3-5 sentences instead. A complete paragraph is counted as having 3-5 sentences within it. You actually have good individual summaries presented here. When combined, you will definitely get a very good TA and C&C score.  
  
You are missing one important comparison detail in this essay. Examine the graph once again and you will see that there are overlapping points and areas where the information just touch upon each other in the same value. You should have reported those as the comparison points of the essay. These 2 comparison points would have pushed your TA, C&C, and GRA scores even higher than it would be scored at the moment.  
  
This is basically just a 3 paragraph essay when considering that you separated the summary paragraph intro 3 presentations. So that is a major problem for this essay as it dragged down your TA and GRA score. Based on my observations, I believe your essay could get a score of 4.5 at the most.
***Some high school leavers think that they should work or travel for a period of time instead of entering university. To what extent do you agree or disagree with that. Write at least 250 words.***  
  
*## Gap year for high school graduates*  
  
It is naturally observed that some high school graduates think they should spend a certain amount of time working or traveling before going straight to the university. In reality, there is a greater liking for a gap time among students who intend it for multiple purposes. However, from my perspective, this route serves its both advantages and disadvantages.  
  
On the one hand, working and traveling would give the students a great opportunity to gain invaluable experience. First, they can mount some campaigns and raise funds to financially support the livings of the poor and elderly. Second, young adults will not only run into many kinds of people but also enlarge our relationship networks. And therefore, I personally believe this can be the deciding factor in equiping seniors with essential skills to manage people in our future career. Last, they are more likely to secure a decent job and help strengthen our community.  
  
On the other hand, not everyone thinks traveling from one place to another for a while suits them. As a matter of fact, some can not afford, for example, the plane tickets, food and accommodation while others are scared of taking risks. Many high school leavers may consider working in gap time simply as a means of earning money more quickly but that makes them less competitive compared with their peers. Consequently, it might be easier for them fall behind of the game when they apply for a position in the future.  
  
In conclusion, taking a gap year between high school and university for work or travel will be of immediate benefit providing that would-be undergraduates may accumulate experience and learn more about themselves to be certain of what next step would be towards the future success.  
  
289 words.
Viet, I did not even get past reading your opening paraphrase when I immediately spotted a prompt deviation error in your writing. You have totally changed the single opinion agree or disagree essay into an advantage and disadvantage essay. Which means you have automatically failed in the TA section of the score because your response is not in compliance with the prompt instructions. Let me show you the specific error that you made:  
  
*Original Thesis: To what extent do you **agree or disagree**  
Your Thesis: from my perspective, this route serves its both **advantages and disadvantages**.*  
  
Do you clearly see where you made the mistake? Do you understand why your response can not be considered for a passing score? Exactly. The prompt was asking you to discuss one thing and you chose to totally ignore the instruction, creating your own discussion topic instead. Based on this failure, I do not even need to read the rest of the essay because you will not get a passing mark since you proved that you either cannot understand English instructions or you chose to simply ignore the instructions you were given.  
  
It seems that you have a major problem with English comprehension skills. Reading the sample essays here and learning how to properly respond to them by example should be able to help better understand the different instructions for these opinion essays.
## The popularity of sports watching

  
  
The table shows how many people in some countries watch sport programs on televisions. There are 4 countries mentioned in the table: Australia, UK, USA and Canada. Types of sports includes tennis, golf, motor racing and athletics.  
  
Among those four countries, the USA ranks first with the highest number of people watching sports on TV. There are 25.2 millions American people view television for sports. The country with the lowest number is Canada - there are only 14.5 millions Canadian TV viewers who are interested in this kind of program.  
  
In Australia, UK and Canada, the most interested sport is Tennis. The numbers of spectators of this sport program in those countries are respectively 6.2; 6.6 and 6.1 millions people. Meanwhile, American TV viewers like golf the most. There are 11.2 viewers in the USA watch this sport. Tennis is quite popular in this country; so it ranks second with 7 millions viewers. Because of the very high number of American viewers, golf is the sport most watched - It is viewed by 26.9 millions spectators in four countries.  
  
The most uncommon sport TV program in four countries is motor racing - which attracts only 12.7 millions viewers in four countries. It also has the smallest number of viewers in the USA and Canada (respectively 1.5 and 1.1 millions viewers).  
  
To sum up, the popularity of tennis, golf, motor racing and athletics programs is different among those four countries.  
  
P/S: This is the first time I wrote for an IELTs Task 1. I feel very confused and difficult. I have read the instructions in the book but do not understand much about how to apply those instructions. Thanks for any comments for this post.  
  
*
Hello Hang. Give yourself a pat on the back for a very good first effort with writing the task 1 essay. You were able to follow the instructions in the book to a greater extent than most. This resulted in an essay that truly came close to meeting the mark in all required aspects of the discussion instruction. With that said, you do have a few missed points in the format/instructions that you should address in the next essay.  
  
Your work in the summary overview was very good. You managed to cover most of the points required for the summary except the measurement type used and the trending sentence at the end. Now, as for the trending sentence, you can actually place that anywhere in the essay paragraphs. However, it functions best as the final sentence in the account overview as the trend is the greatest indicator of the type of discussion that will be following.  
  
Please remember that the term "because" is a connecting word and as such, cannot be used at the start of a sentence. It can only be used in the middle of an existing sentence to help connect 2 ideas that somehow relate in reasoning or presentation for a given topic. For example, you can say;  
  
"I like orange juice because of its refreshing flavor."  
  
You cannot say;  
  
"I like orange juice. Because of its refreshing flavor."  
  
In these samples, you see how the topic of you liking orange juice needs a reason, which is the refreshing flavor, thus the 2 thoughts should be connected in one sentence.  
  
Since this is a task 1 essay, it is mostly a paraphrasing of an original report in an analytical format. Therefore, a conclusion is not required. You merely need to accurately restate the given information instead. Aim to write only 150 - 200 words for this essay so you an have some time left over for editing and revisions to the content and spelling corrections if required.
*Many people prefer to spend money and not save it. What are the reasons? Is this a positive or negative development?*  
  
## Saving or spending?

  
  
A large portion of people uses their money to purchase many things. However, they would rather spend all of the money instead of saving it. In this essay, I believe without saving as a habit to a person in life is a serious pitfall and I will elaborate with reasons below.  
  
Indeed, a non-saving policy as a personal habit is dangerous to the future. Some people might overspend in a short period of time after paid day. They will soon get into debts because of over expenditure. The debts usually at a high rate of interest. They might not be able to get out of the debts ultimately.  
  
Moreover, lack of savings insecure a person's financial situation. Since the inflation is rasing indefinitely, savings allow ones to have a backup plan for the economic crisis. This is a necessity for the people who work in unstable positions, such as cashiers or waiting tables. They usually face the foremost damage every time when the inflated rate raises.  
  
Sometimes in life, a sudden emergency cost a fortune. For instance, if a family member discovers a breast cancer, the entire treatment is expensive. Saving money in the past can now help that family to pay off the treatment fees more easily. So it does not appear as a heavy burden to the family after all.  
  
To recapitulate, lack of the mentality of saving money is a serious drawback. Overspending money can happen to all of us. Saved money secures people unease feelings when emergencies emerge.  
  
---  
*Dear Holt, it has been a while since the last post I made, I hope you do well. I now return to this platform is hoping to know if my writing has improved since then. And I hope you can find time to score my essay. Thank you!*
SG, welcome back to EF. I am both happy to review your work and sad to give you my assessment of it. Unfortunately, your grammar has not greatly improved at this point. Your vocabulary is often wrong and your sentence structure and grammar really tends to confuse the reader. Most specially in the opening paraphrase. You need to be specific in your response to the question. Do not be flowery in your response. This is a simple positive or negative response question which should have been written as:  
  
*People these days tend to use their money mostly for purchases rather than setting it aside for future use. Some of the reasons that cause this are the desire of people to own things immediately rather than spending only on necessary items and a lack of future thinking with regards to their possible future financial needs. Considering the aforementioned reasons, this sense of spending rather than saving can be viewed as a negative development.*  
  
This is a direct question essay and requires an immediate response after the paraphrasing of the topic.  
  
You need to work on the clarity and preciseness of your grammar. You have some questionable sentences due to coherence problems in your sentence structures in this essay such as :  
  
... dangerous to the future. - Whose future?  
-... dangerous to their future  
  
... insecure a person's financial situation  
- ... does not secure...  
  
The debts usually at a high rate of interest.  
- Their debts have a high interest rate  
  
... or waiting tables.  
- ... waiters  
  
...inflated rate raises.  
-highly redundant. You hare using 2 terms to describe the same thing.  
- inflation rate  
  
...can now help that family  
- ...can help the family in the future.  
- The situation has yet to occur in the future.  
  
...lack of the mentality of saving money  
-... lack of financial responsibility with regards to savings  
  
Overspending money  
- Redundant  
- *Overspending...*  
  
...secures people unease feelings  
-... uneasy feelings...  
  
Here is a my assessment of your possible score:  
  
TA - 6  
  
C&C - 5  
  
LR - 4  
  
GRA - 5  
  
Hopefully I can work with you to help you improve your skills in the problematic areas of your writing now that you are back to practicing with us here at the forum.
***Question: The chart shows information about the number of customers at three different restaurants during a five-day period***  
  
***## Customer Numbers Comparison***  
  
The line graph illustrate the changes in the number of customers over five days, at three restaurants, namely Mama's cafe, Good Eats and Tom's Diner.  
  
Overall, Tom's Diner had the lowest number of guests in the period. We also can see that Mama's cafe and Good Eats had higher customers in comparison with Tom's Diner.  
  
On the first day, Mama's Cafe had the most diners. Whereas, the figure plummet dramatically on second day and it was dropped around a hundred by Day 3. Subsequently, customer numbers rocketed noticeably on forth day and leveled off on Day 5. In contrast, Good Eats had a stable rise in the number of guests. The figure was about 150 on the first day and climbed to 230 on Day 5. Finally, Tom's Diner had approximately 50 customers on Day 1 and almost 0 on Day 4. There was a slight increase around 20 customers on the final day.  
  
*
Chang, though you wrote more than 150 words in this essay, the coherence is lacking, the comparison points were incomplete, and your overall presentation is improper. That is why this essay is a good first attempt, but you should be showing improvement with your next analysis essay based upon the instructions I will be providing you here.  
  
First of all, the C&C section of the score requires you to present completely developed paragraphs that illustrate given points in the essay. For the first paragraph, you successfully provided the type of chart and the restaurants involved. However, you failed to create a complete paragraph in this presentation as you only have 2 sentences in a paragraph that requires a minimum of 3 sentences. The trending statement should not be a stand alone paragraph. It is most effective when combined into the first paragraph presentation as part of a full information listing of the upcoming discussion.  
  
The Task 1 essay also requires a 4 paragraph presentation. That means each diner should have been reviewed separate from one another and your analysis per paragraph should have covered the day period of client measurements. Basically, your comparison paragraph is incomplete, lacks information and comparisons, and feels rushed in composition.  
  
While you made an acceptable effort to create a good Task 1 essay, you failed to deliver on many technical aspects of the essay upon which you will be scored. So this first effort only showcased the weaknesses of your writing skills. Hopefully I can guide you towards improving those problem areas in the upcoming practice tests you will be doing.
**## Nowadays we are producing more and more rubbish.

  
Why do you think this is happening?  
What can governments do to help reduce the amount of rubbish produced?  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.**  
  
Recently, more and more rubbish are being produced by human being around the world, which result in environmental pollution and spreading of disease. This essay will discuss the reasons of the increase in the amount of rubbish and provide some suggestions for the government to solve this problem.  
  
In my opinion, modern time and fast-paced lifestyle encourage people to care more about money instead of environmental protection. As a result, people only concentrate on own profits and ignore the harmful results that things may lead to. McDonald, for instance, provides plastic spoons, forks and disks to all customers who enjoy the food right inside the restaurant, instead of employing a disk cleaner for that. All these tools are then being thrown into the rubbish bin after the meal, which causes the increase of rubbish produced. Judging from this, the selfishness of people and the decisions of the company is one of the factor causing more rubbish.  
  
To slow down the increasing rate of rubbish produced, the government should design and set up relevant environmental protection policies to tackle the problem. One of the advice is that the government can impose taxes on products which are made of plastic, therefore people will choose to buy less plastic items as they have to pay more money than before. Take Taiwan as an example, the government of Taiwan collects taxes from shops which use plastic bags in their service. In view of this, the policy can definitely reduce the amount of rubbish produced by citizens.  
  
Since the majority of rubbish produce are made by commercial stakeholders, with the step taken by the government towards this issue, it is my firm conviction that this can help in controlling the amount of garbage produced.  
  
***Please score my essay, thank you so much!***