dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***To what extent do you agree or disagree?***  
  
## IELTS writing task 2 - argumentative essay

  
  
Many argue that school teachers being of the responsibility more than parents developing children's socializing skill since school are capable to provide the social ambiance and environment. Teachers being aided by school could improve intellectual competence of students as well. Obviously, this essay strongly supports the statement of teachers in school as mediators giving effective treatments for students' social and intellectual needs.  
  
Hands-on experiences and power of teachers are believed for inducing social sense of students since teachers are able and experienced on managing needed group activities aiming for building an interactive neighborhood precisely. In addition, teachers also could encourage them getting involved in interacting with their peers in school while preparing and organizing group presentations. Hence, these activities would surely help kids having communicative interaction followed by cooperative, leadership and emphatic abilities in the way they discuss the topic of presentation given. Thus, comparing to parents, school-teaching practitioners are of more capabilities facilitating students' necessity on socializing proficiency.  
  
When it comes to intelligence needs, required with educational qualifications in school are teachers being well-trained in delivering systematic presentation. Accordingly, process of transferring knowledge between teachers and learners will be based on that qualified education. Within this process, an encouragement building critical thinking by discussion, problem solving and observation would occur. Taking reviewing mathematics assignment activity to illustrate, children with counting homework being assessed would be more inclined to acquire math knowledge from math teachers by getting a proper explanation of their incorrect answers. Revising, consulting also understanding stages would come up as the results. Therefore, by conducting these learning approaches, teachers are more experienced and expert rather than parents.  
  
To sum up, young learners could get along with both social and intellectual competence mostly in school with teaches as the facilitators. The recommendation regarding to this would be parents should cooperate and collaborate with educators in school and the institution itself in improving those proficiency for their kids.
@Hirumi  
Welcome here. Here's my feedback on this essay.  
  
Try your best to package the wordings of your essay as concise as possible. If we take a look at the first sentence, for instance, the only thing you were really trying to say is that *teachers are often perceived to be the primary caregiver for the child's social development*. You didn't really need to extend this more excessively, especially since the writing itself is already clear.  
  
Being consistent with your writing's tenses is also crucial for building how professional the writing will be perceived. Take extra effort into being cautious of this. For example, review the second paragraph as I noticed that you shifted tenses quite often even when it wasn't necessary to do so.
@Hirumi  
Thanks for coming to the forum.  
I would like to share some feedback on the essay hope it will help.  
  
In fact, you have a well written essay with contents strongly reflects your stance on the topic.  
However, some points I hope would improve your arguements.  
Firstly, you seems to approach this essay indirectly most times, example in the first line of your introduction, sometimes it can be confusing to the reader. I suggest directly approach using direct sentences to this essay. For example, Teachers are responsible in the development.....many argue that...  
  
Secondly, In the body of your essay include example, facts, your opinion and illustration to futher support your thesis statement, and be specific to the roles/responsibilities school teachers play in developing social and intellectual of learners. Also summarise these points in the conclusion.  
  
Finally, always be careful of spelling,punctuation rules and spacing.  
  
Generally you have a well written essay.  
I hope these feedback helps you in your writing.
Thanks for this essay submission. You need to include the full question(s). The question(s) helps us understand what you are being asked. By doing so, we are easily to measure whether you have covered the task responses or not.  
  
Since you have no question(s) attached, let me focus on grammar instead.  
  
In the introduction, some grammar flaws are seen, like **teachers being of the responsibility; school are capable to; students as well; statement of teachers**. The errors consist of the subject and verb agreement, inappropriate prepositional phrases, and a sequence word. You need to put more concern on these areas. Make sure you can tackle them for the next essay you have.  
  
You failed to deliver clear messages in the body paragraph 1 and 2. You left more ideas, but you forgot to support them with relevance reasons and fully-developed examples. This essay is a good example of a 5.0 in Coherence and Cohesion as this shows lack of overall progression.  
  
You are not allowed to raise new ideas in the concluding paragraph. Simply restate the thesis statement and leave a relevant personal opinion towards the thesis.  
  
Hope this helps
## what people tend to buy the most

  
  
the table below gives information on consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002  
Conclusion  
The table demonstrated propotion of money which citizens un five european nations spent on 3 different items in 2002  
Overall , in all five countries , residents spent highest percentage of their expenditure on food , drinks , tobacco and significant less on leisure , education  
It's obvious that , among 5 countries , Turkish and Irish expended the highest rate of their income on food , drinks and tobacco with 32,14% and 28,91% in turn in 2002. While people in other nations like Spain , Italy and Sweden just paid out 18,8%,16,36% and 15,77% respectly of thier spending on this items in that year  
  
The amount of money , as a percentage of expenditure that people spent for clothing , footwear as well as leisure, education was lower. On clothing and footwaear categories , Italian paid highest money for that with 9% . Whereas , citizens of other nation expended only the number from 5,4% to 6,63%. In the contract , the money spent on leisure and education accounted for the highest number at 4,35% in that period by Turkish and the lowest belonged to Spanish with 1,98% . The average propotion of this item expent by Sweden , Ireland and Italia people was 3,22%, 3,20%, 2,21% respectly.
@windy  
Hello! It would be helpful if you would include the table's photo for the people in the forum to clearly see what you are evaluating for this essay.  
  
Although it's a small part of the writing, remember to practice the very basics that you have to have hold of. This includes punctuation, spacing, and integrating proper transition words. I observed that you struggle with all these three in your messages - perhaps because you had a tendency to jump from one portion of the text to the other.  
  
It is also helpful for you to remove unnecessary parts of the text. For instance, notice how if you removed the phrase "in all five countries" in the immediate first paragraph, it would still mean the same thing. Realizing this pattern of logic will help you trim down your writing to only what is necessary, which is oftentimes what is sought after in practice essays as they test your grasp of the basics before presuming you have skills in the complex parts of it all.
Hi @Windy !  
  
I have some comments on your essay:  
  
**Firstly,** Please put the image, so we as the reader know the question clearly.  
  
**Secondly,** You should avoid typographical errors.  
  
**Lastly,** For the overall, try to write the general trend while including the language of comparison and changes. For instance:  
  
Overall ...  
  
If I were you, I will write:  
  
Overall, in all five countries, ... on food, drinks, and tobacco while they paid out less significantly on leisure and education.  
  
Hopefully, those could be useful for your future writing.
## the solar power used for heating

  
  
The diagram depicts water heating system with solar power and location alternatives for solar panels installation.  
  
Overall, the water heating system powered by solar produces and transfers the energy to raise water temperature. Also, there are two positions and several rules for solar panels installments.  
  
As its name suggests, solar powered water heating system takes energy from the sun to heat up water. The sun's energy is collected by solar panels to keep thermal fluid at a high temperature. The fluid is pumped using controller to provide heat to the coil. In the water tank, cold water is stored and boiled using the heating coil then delivered to taps and shower.  
  
To optimise the sun's energy, the solar panels can be installed on the roof or ground at a 90° angle to the sun. When placed on the roof, the panels are above any blockages though it may be difficult for cleaning and maintenance. But it's the other way around if the panels are installed on the ground. In any case, the panels should face south and not be obstructed by trees or any other objects.  
  
*
Thanks for this essay submission. Let me start with the introduction. I dont think you have a problem with the opening paragraph. However, you need to pay attention to word order, like **solar panels installation** which needs to be changed into the installation of solar panels or solar panel installation.  
  
Instead of writing **two positions**, you'd better use **two possible positions**. Again, you come up with this ~~solar panels installments.~~, as I told you, you cannot use plural nouns as the modifier. Just write **solar panel installments**  
  
Omit this phrase ~~As its name suggests~~ as it brings little value. Avoid using unnecessary phrases that makes your report bulky. Write succinctly.  
  
heating system ~~takes~~ **ABSORBS** energy  
  
~~When~~ placed on the roof, the panels ...  
  
~~*though it may be difficult for cleaning and maintenance*~~ The flow of the sentence is being interrupted, so you need to change this. Let me give you a try: Although *maintenance work to clean them may take time.*  
  
***But it's** the other way* ... It is good not to start with **BUT** and use a contracted phrase, like **it's**. Use HOWEVER, as the alternative one and fully write IT IS  
  
**Overall, you need to pay attention to grammar, sentence flow and cohesive devices. Put more concern on these improvements.**  
  
Hope this helps
## local filmmakers lack of support

  
  
The film industry has made significant contributions to each country's economy. However, there is a fact that many people prefer to watch foreign films rather than locally produced films. This essay will show my opinion explain the reasons for the case, and governments should PROMOTE LOCAL FILM-MAKING BY SUBSIDISING THE INDUSTRY.  
  
In order to explain why people are more enjoyable foreign films than local films, there are various reasons. Foreign films haves outstanding qualities. There is no denying because they're invested with big budgets and excellent producers. For example, Avengers: Endgame was made with an estimated budget of $356 million. The special effects are very imaginative, especially with the space scenes. The acting is powerful, so it can draw viewers in to the story. Whereas, local films was made with low budget. The storyline can be silly as people never behave like this in real life. The poor quality and low budget causes viewer prefer to watch foreign films than local films.  
  
I believes that governments give more financial support to local film industries. Firstly, it raise the quality of local film which are current lack of budget. Secondly, it helps film-makers can approach the advanced technology in making special effects. Financial support encourage the producers and actors to prove their talent more and in the future, domestic film industry can keep up with foreign films.  
  
In conclusion, I hope more people excited in watching local film with financial support by government.
Hi! Here are some of my suggestions:  
  
**Task Response:**  
  
The question in the prompt is "Why could this be?" and doesn't ask for the solution to the preference for foreign films. The essay would improve in task response if you could dedicate two main paragraphs to reasons for this preference.  
  
**Lexical Resource:**  
Try and diversify the vocabulary that are used. For example, replace some of the "films" with "movies" and pronouns:  
In order to explain why people are more enjoyable foreign films than local films, there are various reasons. Foreign films haves outstanding qualities. **→**  
Various reasons can explain why people find foreign films more enjoyable than local **ones**. The first is that **imported movies** tend to be of better quality.  
  
Grammatical Accuracy:  
Be careful when to use the third-person singular form on verbs and when not to.  
eg1. Foreign films have ...  
eg2. ... and low budget cause viewer...  
eg3. Whereas, local films are made ...  
  
Hope this helps!
Dear Maika,  
  
I would like to give you some feedbacks, hoping that they could help improve your writing. Unfortunately, there are some grammatical errors in your writing. To reduce such mistakes, it will be better for you to check the grammar and proofread your work.  
  
For example:  
- "*many ...*" can be changed to "**many people prefer watching foreign films to local ones**".  
  
- "Financial support **encourages** ..."  
  
You might want to change the way you write the introduction so it becomes more well elaborated. Let me give you an example:  
  
- "*This essay will ...*" can be altered to "**This essay will provide readers with the reason behind low preference for local films and suggestions to solve the problem**."  
  
- "*In order to explain why ...*" can be edited to "**There are several reasons why people consider foreign films more enjoyable than local ones**".  
  
Also, you need to be careful in deciding when to use singular or plural.  
- "... low budget causes **viewers** prefer ..."
## co2 emissions per person in europe

  
  
The diagram illustrates the amount of CO2 that has been emitted individually in the UK, Sweden, Italy and Poturgal from 1967 to 2007, a period of 40 years. Overall, the total amount of CO2 emission in Italy and Portugal was increased continuously during the period given, while the number of that in the UK and Sweden was decreased significantly.  
  
It can be seen that Portugal was the country had the least amount of CO2 emission in 1967 with only over 1 metric ton. This figure has risen steadily and remained at about 5 metric tonnes from 1997 to 2007. The same pattern has been witnessed in Italy with only around 4 tonnes in 1967 to almost doubled in 2007 at 8 tonnes.  
  
By contrast, the amount of CO2 in Sweden was about 8 tonnes in 1967 and then has declined sharply to around 5 tonnes though there was a remarkable growth in 1977 at its peak of 10 tonnes. In the Uk, the amount has decreased slightly from about 10 tonnes in 1967 to 9 tonnes in 2007.  
  
*   
*Task 1*
@JoyceTran  
Hi there! Thanks for coming to the site. I hope that the feedback you receive here will be helpful for your writing endeavors. Don't hesitate to approach us if you have any other questions!  
  
Firstly, I think that the transition between the facts could still be improved if you focused more on organizing details of your text. For instance, the first sentence from the get-go needed to be shortened. You could opt to remove filler words that do not add value/substance to the rest of the text since this will help you crystallize the rest of your writing.  
  
Be cautious as well of the formation of your sentences, specifically in references to your tenses. Currently, I have observed that you have a tendency to over-do some parts of the text. For instance, going back to the first paragraph, the last phrase should have had the "was" omitted from it to create something more concise.  
  
Try your best to implement these to the rest of your writing. Good luck as always.
Hi @JoyceTran !  
  
I have comment on your essay:  
  
**Firstly,** Please be more attention the tenses. You should use past tense for past events. For instance:  
  
This figure ~~has~~ had risen  
The same pattern ~~has~~ had been ...  
  
... and then ~~has~~ had declined  
... the amount ~~has~~ had decreased  
  
Hopefully, this could be useful for you.
## commuting by car in the uk

  
  
The line graph compares the figure for the number of people travelled by 3 categories in the UK in the period 60 years from 1970.  
Overall, it can be seen that car is by far the most popular means of transport throughout the period shown. While the number of people using car and train increases gradually, the number of bus users drops steadily.  
  
In 1970, the number of people travelling by car is highest, around 5 million on a daily basis, meanwhile, the bus users and train users is lower, 4 million and 2 million respectively.  
  
In the year 2000, the commuters travelled by car rises gradually to 7 million. Likewise, the number of Rail passengers increases by 1 million from 1970 to 2000. By contrast, the figure for bus users decreased slightly to approximately 3.5 million.  
  
By 2030, the number of those people who will commute by car is expected to reach almost 9 million. The train users are predicted to rise slightly, around 5 million, making it hold the runner - up, in comparison with the others. However, the number of people working by bus is likely to less popular choice, approximately 3 million daily users.
@Dao Thu Ha  
Hello! Welcome to the forum.  
  
Next time, it would be beneficial and practical for you to incorporate the graph that you are reviewing to give us a better idea on what you are reviewing.  
  
First and foremost, from the get-go, I think that you are struggling when it comes to the proper usage of tenses. When making analytical essays, it's always smarter to use past tense, especially since you are reviewing data that has already passed. Given that, try implementing this on the entire writing.  
  
Furthermore, using the appropriate punctuation marks can go a long way. If we review the third line/paragraph, it was clear that you needed to incorporate either a semi-colon or a period midway because you were already unnecessary dragging the sentence. The same goes for the latter parts of the essay. Doing this will improve how academic your writing will be received. The same goes for your last paragraph especially.
Hi @Dao Thu Ha  
  
Let me give you some comments:  
  
**Firstly,** please upload the image, so we as reader know the question well.  
  
**Next,** I suggest you to use simple past for past events and use simple sentence. For example:  
  
... by car ~~is~~ was thehighest, ..., meanwhile, ~~the bus users and train users is lower~~....  
  
It will be better if you write:  
  
that of bus and train passengers was lower ....  
  
Hope it helps.
## user engagement in social networking sites

  
  
A breakdown of the average time of netizens accessing social networking platforms and their market share is presented in the table and pie chart subsequently.  
  
In the table, the Twitter users spending their time daily for twitting is the lowest one among the others with 0.6 hours, while the highest average spend is seen from Linkedin users of 1.7 hours per day. Meanwhile, netizens visiting other networking sites such as Facebook and Instagram have the average time to visit of around 18.2 and 16.6 each day consecutively.  
  
However, most internet users have a Facebook account and actively communicate on that platform with over a half from the proportion given, whereas the second position of the market share is Twitter with 19%. Lastly, Linkedin has a smaller portion with only 11.34% of the netizen actively using that site.  
  
Overall, although the internet users have less daily activities in accessing Twitter, the platform has the most average user visits if compared to other sites, whereas the average user engagement for Linkedin shows the reverse. Moreover, Facebook has the highest proportion of market share.  
  
*
Dear Yasin,  
  
As a whole, your essay deals with the necessary parts of the charts, effectively using statistics. However, if I have a remark to make, it would be advising you to work more on your sentence structure. Mainly, you should avoid structures that feel heavy on the tongue or sophisticated for no apparent reason like "... the Twitter users spending their time daily for twitting is the lowest one among ..., while the highest average spend is seen from Linkedin ... "  
  
Good Luck!
## The table and pie chart analysis

  
  
The table reveals about the number of people prefer to spent their time and visit to four different social media per day, while the pie chart shows the segment of the market from those social networking site companies.  
  
Overall, if it is compared to the table summarize in Instagram and Linkedin, also the profits from those companies, the percentage of people using Facebook and twitter in hours per day has by far the lowest, however, they show a significant proportion of people who visiting them per day and the considerable amount of companies' profits.  
  
To begin with, although, Facebook and Twitter are noticed as the least social media using by people in hours per day, gaining 0,8 and 0,6 in subsequent, both of those networking sites are the most frequent platform that are visited by people per day at around 18,2 and 29,1 where Twitter can be recognized as the highest. Also, those social platform companies earn more substantial revenue than others, where Facebook receives income to around 50,25 % more than Twitter only about 19,96 %.  
  
Whilst, the start-up social media companies, known as Instagram and Linkedin, gaining more people's interest in spending their time per day to around 1,4 and 1,7 subsequently. In contrast, If it is compared to the figure compiled from Facebook and Twitter, the average people visiting these platforms per day indicates less percentage, where Instagram is gaining bigger percentage with 16,6 than Linkedin with only 7,2. These results are more likely affected to the companies' profits performance, it can be seen from the pie chart that Instagram and Linkedin Companies receive only 18,45 % and 11,34 % in subsequent less than Facebook and Twitter.  
  
* 
*
Dear Hanip,  
  
The intent and organization is your essay are pretty good. You seem to know what you want to write about. However, the quality of your essay can be immensely undermined by the grammatical and structural mistakes you made. For instance, instead of saying "...", you can use "The table reveals how people prefer spending their time..." .  
  
Overall, keep up the good work and you'll improve.  
  
Good Luck!
@Hanip Abdul  
Hello. Welcome to the forum! I hope that the feedback you receive here will give you a better idea on how you can write better.  
  
Firstly, while I find that the organization is decent, you struggle when it comes to making more comprehensive and clear-cut sentences. For example, when we take a look at the second paragraph, it was clear that it was a run-on that should have been divided into at least three sentences using a comma. Hence, try to be mindful of your usage of punctuation marks; this is a critical angle for you to uncover because it can affect the way that your writing will be received.  
  
As for the last sentence, try to compartmentalize your writing in a more logical way. As I can observe here, you were jumping from one social media to another in different areas of observation. What you could have done was to try and divide everything based on the social media handles themselves, not necessarily the observational viewpoint. Doing this would have given you more space to have an extensive discussion.