dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The summary overview should be better presented. You missed out on presenting the type of measurement used for the survey. Your paragraph presentations are not balanced. You are presenting between 2-3 sentences per paragraph when the requirement is 3-5 sentences per paragraph. You are not offering a thorough analysis or comparison of the given information. I base this information on the varying presentation length in your paper. The more the sentences, the better and more comprehensive the analysis. Based on the presentation, you definitely reported on the main features but did not really give much thought or attention to making comparisons where relevant. The paragraph presentations were mostly too short and direct, lacking in the analytical presentation that would have allowed you to write at least 175 words, thus making the report better developed and presented to the reader.
## Lack Of Community In Today's Society

  
  
It is true that these days human beings lack a sense of community within neighborhoods, and this fuels a toxic society with isolation and indifferent attitude. This essay will suggest the principal causes of this issue along with some possible solutions.  
  
There are two major compelling reasons as to why people are not spending time on communicating with neighbors. The foremost cause of this trend is due to the fact that people have to devote their life to keep up with the high demand of the modern world. For example, a career like doctor would work a night shift in a hospital in order to take care of numerous patients. As a result, they have no time to socialize with neighbors. Moreover, the problem is accentuated by the design of most modern construction nowadays. It is noticeable that people have a tendency to move to city blocks full of apartment buildings whose design encourages people to retreat into privacy in their homes rather than immersing in publicity. Consequently, it leads to a lifestyle of independence and loneliness.  
  
There are several measures that could be taken to eradicate the problem resulted from lack of communication among neighbors. A possible solution would be to organize a number of social activities such as civic meetings, music shows, book fairs. Hence, more opportunities would be created for residents to meet up and integrate themselves into the community. Another remedy to tackle this problem involves changing the traditional design of buildings into an interactive way. For example, there are buildings with windows and sharing rooms designed for promoting next-door communication. As residents have places to interact, access outdoor spaces, it is likely that they could foster a strong connection with their neighbors around.  
  
In conclusion, there are various factors responsible for the absence of interaction among neighbors, but there are possible solutions to resolve this problem, namely enhancing neighborhood activities and constructing interactive apartments.
1. For example, a career like ~~doctor~~ medicine would / For example, a doctor would  
  
2. and this fuels ... and ***an indifferent*** attitude.  
  
3. ... not spending time **~~on~~**  communicating ...  
  
4. ... to devote their ***lives*** to keep up ...  
  
5. ... resulted from ***a lack*** of communication ...  
  
6. ... of buildings ***in*** an interactive way.  
  
I do admire your formatting! Great job!!
Your prompt restatement has to be a reflection of the original presentation. Your statement did not actually do that. You failed to actually represent the topic as it was provided to you at the start. Compare the two:  
  
OT: People often do not interact with their neighbours and this is harming communities.  
YT: It is true that these days human beings lack a sense of community within neighborhoods, and this fuels a toxic society with isolation and indifferent attitude.  
  
The correct restatement is:  
  
*There is a perception these days that humans fail to connect with their neighbors. This is often caused by (reason 1) and (reason 2). There is a possibility that such lack of mingling can be resolved by (solution 1) and (solution 2).*  
  
Kindly remember that these essays shall never ask you confirm the truth of a given statement. Therefore, you must not attest to the truth of a topic. You will be changing the discussion topic when you do that and, you will be scored down because of it. You must also indicate your direct response to each question provided as these will help prove that you understood the questions and how you are expected to answer them. The correct response to the discussion instructions can possibly increase your TA score.  
  
You are not being asked to present a conclusion regarding the causes, so you do not need to say that independence and loneliness are the result of the lack of interaction. Once again, you are offering information not required, changing the discussion points and thus, losing more percentage points in your final score. Just stick to the given discussion. Do not add any discussion topics just because you think you will improve the essay, that is when you will lose more points. Never assume anything not presented in the original discussion.  
  
The conclusion is just one long run on sentence. Split it up into at least 3 summary sentences to meet the concluding summary requirements.
***In some countries, secondary schools aim to provide a general education across a wide range of subjects. In others, children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career.  
  
## For today's world, which system is appropriate ?

  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  
Write at least 250 words.***  
  
It is reported that secondary pupils in some countries are provided with an educational curriculum that covers a wide range of subjects. In others, however, more emphasis is being placed on particular groups of subjects that might benefit students' career paths. For today's world, although general education might bring undeniable benefits, I firmly believe that narrowly-focused education is more appropriate.  
  
To begin with, it is suggested that general education provides students with background knowledge that might be fundamental to their entire lives. Firstly, studying a variety of subjects, from mathematics to history, enables young learners to know how the world functions. Secondly, being exposed to knowledge from various fields indicates that students can develop and have their own preferences. For example, Vietnamese students are educated with thirteen subjects from scientifically-related topics to civil-education. From those choices of subjects, students might determine their individual interests, hence, invest more in those interests in high school education.  
  
Despite the fact that general education offers a solid background knowledge, it is concerned that such education is also responsible for the situation in which students are dis-oriented with their studies.  
  
Perhaps the most effective remedy for this disorientation is specialized education in which students only practice skills that aim for their careers. For example, a future neuro-physicist needs not to master literature, or a musician does not have to be fluent in computing language. Those examples signify the fact that people do not need all knowledge. In contrast. A more narrow focus on particular subjects should be prioritized. It is highly believed that the more specialized a candidate is, the more appealing he or she becomes in the labor market. In today's world of innovation and AI, employers are seeking talents with highly-specialized competencies, regardless of their past academic grades.  
  
To sum up, although some countries are providing general education, I firmly believe that specialized education is a more appropriate approach for today's world.  
  
319 words
You are approaching this as a task 1 essay. The task 2 essay is not an analytical report. It is an opinion discussion paper. Therefore, you should not be using phrases such as, "It is reported that" and "To begin with". You should use words that represent the discussion, opinions, or other similar words that defer to consultative discussions in your presentation.  
  
Speaking of similar words, you need to brush up on your synonym usage. When the original statement already says "wide range of subjects", you need to use an alternative form of that phrase in your own presentation for LR and GRA scoring benefits. You could have said "a vast array of topics" or a phrase that helps indicate the same reference in a different manner. It appears that your English vocabulary is highly limited at this point and you have a tendency to use cut and paste phrases from the original. Such errors will drag down your TA, LR, and GRa score.  
  
You are using more reasons than explanations in your presentation. One reason will be good enough, as long as you clearly explain it. As it appears now, your discussions lack additional explanation development. All because you present 2 reasons one after another in the same paragraph, but do not really explain the reasons and how then connect to one another very well.  
  
You should also avoid presenting single sentence presentations as these go against the 3 sentence minimum per paragraph and will result in GRA deductions for you yet again.  
  
You are over using the phrase "for example" in this presentation. As always, it goes back to your vocabulary skills. You are limited in your synonym knowledge and that is proving to be a big problem for you in this presentation. You do not need 319 words when your presentation has severe scoring problems. USing 275-290 words will be enough. It is not the length that will get you the passing score, it is the ability to develop properly explained and reasoned paragraphs that will do that.
## Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job

  
  
People think that accepting a bad circumstance is best while others consider that manage to deal with and develop it which seems to be better. I will argue this opinion in essay.  
  
On the one hand, bad situation is sometimes an unavoidable thing that we should how to accept and be along with them. For example, conflicting in marriage is a normal thing that happen most family, but instead of complaints and arguments, both husband and wife should be sympatheticand abandon mistakes of each other to maintain a happy family. It supports the society limit the rate of divorces and children would not be live far from their parents. Moreover, being a not good situation would leave behind for individuals meaningful lesson. If you get finance problem, you would feel respect and appreciate the value of money better.  
  
On the other hand, it is logical for people to try and improve bad condition since it creates a positive energy which helps them make progress and be succeed in life. For instance, bad mark is usually seen in each student, but if they cope with and overcome it, they would realize their mistake and then make effort to achieve better scores in the next time. It is not denied that improving bad situation gives individual become independent and have constructive attitude when facing the failure. Since it would convert pessimistic their feelings into more optimistic one's.  
  
In conclusion, It seems to me better that people should try and overcome bad circumstance than accept it. Obviously, the community would not be more developed without motivation and effort.
You have not used the proper discussion format for the presentation. The clue as to how the essay should be discussed can easily be found in the original prompt presentation. Towards the end, the prompt will include either a direct question ( or 2) or a method by which you should discuss the essay. In this prompt, the discussion method was presented as :  
  
*Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.*  
  
So the presentation for the reasoning paragraphs should have been:  
  
Par. 2: ...accepting a bad circumstance is best + Explanation of this public point of view + Personal opinion  
Par. 3: ... better to try and improve such situations + public point of view reason + Personal opinion  
Par. 4: Summary of the discussion points  
  
You did not accomplish the discussion presentation as you were instructed to. I guess you are not quite familiar with the different types of discussion methods yet. You will do well to review the different discussion methods as presented in this forum. You may also find yourself learning how to write better based on the correction of other people's errors. Do look into these other sample essays for your benefit.  
  
Remember, the original prompt will always instruct you regarding the reasoning discussion. In this presentation, your error was that you presented a personal point of view alone instead of a comparative discussion based on the public opinion in comparison to your personal opinion. There are no right or wrong answers for this topic, only a comparison presentation. An additional error was the incorrect prompt restatement. You should have used sentences in this essay. One for the topic, another for the reason, and a third one for the discussion instruction statement or personal opinion/s.
## information from the chart

  
  
The line chart belows illustrates the percentage of owning private car in the UK over a period of 10 years from 1975 to 2005.  
Overall, It is clear that while the proportion of people having one car, 2 cars and 3 cars increased, the opposite is true for no-car households. Also, no-car household in the UK experienced the biggest change over the period shown.  
  
In 1975, no-car households and one-car households both started at approximately 45%, but later decreased to 38% and 25% of one-car households and no-car households respectively in 1985. After that, there was a significant rise to 45% of one-car households in 2005, also it is the highest point of the period shown while the year 2005 saw a marginal decreased to 22% of no-car households.  
  
Starting at nearly 8% in 1975, the number of people who owned 2 cars increased slightly to just under 15% then rose to 18% in the end of the period. Also, the figures for people who had 3 cars increased gradually from under 5% to 10% in 2005  
  
(177 words)  
How much do you think I'll score for this on a 9 band scale  
  
*
Scoring is part of our premium services. You cannot be given a score by a contributor based on the free essay guidelines. Any student who dares to score your essay will be suspended from further participation in this forum. Non-Urgent threads have only limited review capacity. Private review essays receive de luxe reviews from a contributor.  
  
Your paragraph presentations are difficult to follow. The main reason for the confusion in your presentation is the way that you try to present 2 different sets of information in one sentence. For clarity sake, you must always use only one topic, one measurement reference, per sentence. That is, unless you are doing an equality comparison presentation. I believe you tried to present comparative discussion points in this essay but failed to do it in in a manner that would be clear to the reader.  
  
You have a limited GRA scope in this essay. You are only alternating between the use periods and commas. You should be highlighting more of your simple and complex sentence writing abilities. You are confusing these run-on sentences with complex sentences. It is when you make this error that the confusion begins in your writing and information presentation.
***Task 1  
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.  
## The diagrams below show the design for a wave-energy machine and its location.

  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.  
You should write at least 150 words.***  
  
The diagrams illustrate the interior design of a wave-energy machine along with the possible locations to install the machine.  
  
The wave first travels into the lower chamber of the machine, which causes the water level to rise and creates an upward air flow that turns the turbine above the chamber. At the same time, the other turbine is caused to spin due to the atmospheric air from outside flowing into the upper chamber. This process generates energy using the speed of the turbines caused by the different air flows.  
  
While the mechanism of the machine is comparable from machine to machine, the location of each machine correlates with the amount of energy generated as well as the costs involved. The nearer the machine is to mainland, the lower the output, with the best energy generators being far away from land. Coincidentally, machines with lower output also requires lower costs to install.  
  
Overall, the wave-energy machine utilises wave energy to generate electricity. The location of installation, however, creates a difference in administrative costs and output level.  
  
*
How many diagrams? What are the differences between the diagrams? Where are these machines installed? What is the general trend for the function of the machine? Avoiding an immediate representation of the general trend, then the proper usage of the machines, based on its source of power should have been stated in the summary overview.  
  
Identify the image that you are discussing in every paragraph. Since this is a 3 paragraph essay, the next 2 paragraphs should be represented by topic sentences that identify the wave energy machine and its possible location. That indicator helps to create a better idea as to the method of energy generation within the paragraph. You have to make sure that you have a separate paragraph for the 2 possible locations. There needs to be a difference in the explanation presented based on the location and type of wave. Therefore, the essay requires a 4 paragraph presentation for:  
  
Par. 1: Summary + Trending statement  
Par. 2: Function of the machine  
Par. 3: Machine moving in high wave position  
Par. 4: Machine moving in low wave position.  
  
While both are energy machines, there is a difference in the way the waves produce energy and how much it will cost. So you will need to consider both in relation to the way the machine functions. Try to use more analysis in the presentation. That is a requirement for the task 1 essay. Study the diagram for at least 5 minutes, while drafting your essay. Make sure there is a thorough analysis of the presentation for accuracy and differentiation purposes.
## university graduates, canada

  
  
The line graph demonstrates the number of people who graduated from univerisity rate between 1992 and 2007  
  
Overall, both two genders have tendency to rise in over 14 years counted from 1992.However, females remains the largest number of university graduates.  
  
As is shown by the illustration, in 1992 , the quantity of females who had a university degree was at 100,000, which is larger than that of males which was at 70,000. In the next three years, both two genders rised with an increase of approximately 5,000. The year of 1998 recorded a decrease in number of people who graduated from university. Within a time span of 5 years , the figure for males and females didn't cease to go up. The figure for females reached its zenith at about 150,000 ,which is higher than that for males which reached its peak at merely 100,000 in the same period.  
  
*
There is insufficient writing in this data report for it to be considered a full 3 paragraph presentation. While writing 153 words met the minimum word requirement, a full 175-190 words would have helped you better meet the paragraph requirement. In this case, you have an incomplete overview, a stand alone trending statement, and a full paragraph. These are not acceptable as a properly formatted essay based on task 1 requirements.  
  
The summary overview should have contained the reference number count for the students (in the hundreds of thousands), the two genders ( male and female) as the information from the graph about that is specific and required in this age of multiple genders. The next 2 paragraphs should have comprised a data analysis of the male graduates. Then a third paragraph reviewing the female graduates. So the format should have been:  
  
Par. 1: Summary overview  
Par. 2: Male analysis  
Par. 3: Female analysis  
  
There are LR issues as you are not properly using the past tense of certain words (rised = rose) and misspelled words (unvesrity = university) You should be more conscious of your grammar usage and LR presentation. These appear to the most problematic of all your writing skills at the moment.
## Young people today spend too much money and time following fashion trends

  
  
With the advent of technology and economy, the youth show their propensity for fashion items and technological devices. From my perspective, I disagree that they spend much time and finance following this trends  
  
On the first hand, people believe that luxury items or the latest devices are symbols of the wealthy and upper class due to the advertisement of many brand names. Therefore, by wearing the trendy items, people can upgrade confidence, personal's image and even social status. Moreover, the tendency of following the latest trend can make many profits to manufactures and firms, which can create a huge financial tax to the government.  
  
On the other hand, I do not agree that young people take much time and money to following the trends of fashion and technology. First of all, buying too much items can lead to be harmful for environment. Nowadays, youngsters purchase numerous clothes and devices which is redundant for their wardrobes, hence, they tend to throw away many old pieces of clothes which are still good condition. By doing so, many fashion and technology wastes are released to the environment and seriously contaminate to the natural habitat. Furthermore, young people bear large debt due to purchasing too much luxury clothes and following trends without having the large finance. To illustrate, many young people have a big loan from financial firms or banks with an aim to buy their favorite season items. As a result, young people can dramatically push them to the brink of bankruptcy.  
  
To conclude, the widespread of Internet and technology allows young people to access their trendy items. However, i believe that spending too much time and money for the following to the latest items is unnecessary in modern age because of the contamination and debt.  
  
Note: Can you mark my essay?