dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
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The most appropriate format for this type of essay response is the 5 paragraph response. That is the format where you do the following:  
Par. 1: Prompt restatement  
Par. 2: State the pubic point of view and give a general explanation of the support for it  
Par. 3: State the other public point of view along with another general explanation  
Par. 4: Your personal point of view. Make sure to support one of the two sides and explain why you support it.  
Par. 5: Concluding paraphrase  
  
The clarity of this discussion will always come from the individualized explanations of each public point of view. It shows that you have truly considered both discussion aspects and made a decision or created an opinion based on an an informed discussion. Your discussion format compresses the discussion points too much, leaving the reader with more questions than answers. So spread out your discussion. Think of all sides, the pros and cons, discuss, then opine.
**It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops. Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?**  
  
Many claims that technology's development and tradition cultures cannot coexist in the modern day. Mine line of thinking entirely diverge from this because of the fact that traditional habits and customs are still playing an important role in people's life.  
  
If modern, automatic devices make many works much more effortless then traditional culture is an effective tool to nurture people's inner intrinsic. By being proficient in traditional skill, each person can enhance their sophistication and persistence. For instance, carpenters are insanely meticulous and creative as a result of spending hours to implement his artifact, embroiderer repetitively pierce their needle to perfect the piece of art thus filled with patience and possess incredible sharp eyes. Furthermore, if people can pass on those virtues, they will totally have the ability to utilize and elevate technology.  
  
The other reason why it is vital to maintain traditional cultures is because of its sentimental value. Nowadays, there is a significant numbers of products manufactured by machine which are high quality and not so pricey, people still treasure handmade items which are sometimes imperfect and expensive. The reason is lots of individuals care about the story behind the product, they acknowledged the effort that hardworking, enthusiastic worker contribute to the item. For example, Da Lat is famous for its wool products which was entirely handmade, despite their high prices, a lot of people still obsessed with them due to their softness and comfort. Additionally, modern devices still contain many cultural features. Companies still producing tons of films represent countries' habits and customs, there are still various of cultural communities on internet, and many people still willing to learn about cultures.  
  
In conclusion, I want to deliver the idea that traditional culture is essential and we need to carefully conserve it while technology is drastically developing.  
  
I would be grateful if you guys can give me a specific score for each criterion and an overall band score.Thanks all and have a good day!
Sadly, I cannot give your request to score you on each criterion and deliver an overall band score. Those are now part of our paid services, which you can get when you sign up for a private review (email address in the home page for inquiries) or, if you make this essay review URGENT. We only offer general review services for the free reviews.  
  
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Since this is an extent essay, you must format your response in the manner expected, using the 3-5 sentence format:  
  
*... in the modern day,,, I **completely disagree** (measured response) with this point of view because of 2 reasons. First... Second...*  
  
Then you begin discussing or explaining each of the reasons that you outlined in the response portion of the prompt restatement. Use more first person and gender free pronouns in the essay. It will help with your GRA score and remove the general feeling of the discussion. There should not be a general reference point and avoidance of pronoun usage because the essay is asking for YOUR opinion, which can only be properly referenced using pronouns.  
  
Limit the paragraph presentations to only 5 sentences. You do not need more than that and, if you truly want to edit and perfect your paper within 40 minutes, that is the sentence count that will allow you to have time to do so. Your conclusion is ineffective as it delivers your personal opinion restatement, but not the original prompt and reasoning topics as given in the previous discussion paragraphs. You are recapping the essay to close it so you are expected to restate the important discussion points in the closing paragraph.
Any feedback would be appreciated!  
  
Topic:  
***Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?  
## Most advertisements make products seem much better then they really are.

  
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer**.*  
  
In contemporary society, it has become an issue of whether advertisements make products seem more appealing or not. People's opinions vary from person to person. Some claim that we will assume that products are better than they are if they are advertised. Others hold the opposite viewpoint. In my opinion, I would prefer that advertisements mislead us into believing that the products are better than they are for a couple of reasons.  
  
Firstly, advertisements always show the best sides of the product, it is difficult for us to find its flaws unless we use it. It reminds me of an example that matches my idea to the fullest extent. I bought a dishwasher which is the most expensive one in the store. I bought it because the advertisement claimed that it could remove all the dirt from dishes and it also could save time because we didn't need to spend time washing dishes. It turned out that the advertisement was right, nonetheless, it wasted lots of water and electricity, I saved my time but lost money to pay the water bill and electricity bill.  
  
Additionally, advertisements may persuade us to think that we need a useless product. To illustrate my point, the experience of buying an electronic toothbrush can be cited as an example. I bought the electronic toothbrush because an advertisement said that all of us should have an electronic toothbrush because it can clean out all the dirty things in our teeth, even something that is stuck in our teeth. However, after I used it, it didn't perform as perfectly as the advertisement said. What's worse is that a traditional toothbrush outperforms it. That is to say that I didn't need an electronic one, I just needed a traditional one.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that advertisements convince us that products are better than they are. This is because advertisements always show the best sides of the product and because advertisements make us think that we need the product.
Your reasoning paragraph and closing statement are good. However, in the opening statement, you actually said that you prefer to have advertisements misled the buyer, which is a totally wrong interpretation of the prompt. You could have said something similar to this instead:  
  
It is often said that advertising is made to help sell a product. Each product promotion is aimed at making the item look like it is the ultimate in function, hence our need to own it. However, once a person owns the item, reality sets in and he realizes the product isn't as good as it was made out to be. I support this belief because of my personal experiences with various "as advertised" products.  
  
Like I said, the reasons are accurate, so the discussion is strong. It is the introduction that proved to be the weak point of your presentation.
**Despite improvements in vehicle technology, there are still large numbers of road accidents. Explain some of the causes of these accidents and suggest some measures that could be taken to address the problem**  
  
Although there have been tremendous technological advancements in transportation, cases of road accidents are still on the rise. An increasing number of accidents occur due to two main reasons which this essay will elaborate on.  
  
The primary cause of road accidents, which has been for many years, is people driving under the influence of alcohol. Every year there are numerous cases of drunk driving which results in people getting severely injured or in some cases death. A small increase in the blood alcohol content increases the relative risk of a motor vehicle crash. The current penalty of imposing high fines have not had a major impact to reduce such cases. In order to mitigate this problem, the governments should cancel driving licenses of the offenders. And in serious cases where it has lead to people dying, longer jail sentences should be imposed without bail. Additionally, people who are struggling with alcoholism should go through mandatory rehabilitation.  
  
Secondly, smartphones have become the root cause of distracted driving. The lack of attention on the road, to oncoming vehicles, and pedestrians on the streets have lead to fatalities. To solve this, stricter fines need to be imposed for first time offenders. Repeat offenders will have to appear in court and run the risk of losing their vehicles. Moreover,the governments should organize safe-driving awareness campaigns in schools, colleges and offices.  
  
In conclusion, although we have access to advanced vehicles with the latest safety features, people's negligence to follow the rules have made the roads unsafe to drive on. To address this severe penalties should be levied on the offenders and awareness on safe-driving should be made mandatory in communities.
There is a 5 sentence maximum, 3 sentence minimum, for all paragraphs. Your first reasoning paragraph is over this requirement. You have to shorten your presentations. Make it informative without using too many words. That is where you can prove that you are capable of writing in a cohesive and coherent manner, thus scoring better in the C&C section. Do not go over the 5 sentence limit in any paragraph, do not go under the 3 minimum limit either.  
  
Review your singular v plural rules. "Is people" should be "are people" since "people" is the plural form of person.  
  
You need to work on your concluding paragraph. Always use the 3 sentence minimum to restate the topic, your reasons, solutions, and offer a concluding reminder to the reader. Your current concluding paragraph doesn't really help with your scoring assessment as it does not deliver on the required content.
*Hi, this is my writing for IELTS task 2. Thanks for taking a look, it means so much to me!*  
  
## **To what extend do you think shopping becoming a hobby instead of a routine task in the past is a positive trend?**

  
  
Nowadays, shopping is no longer a chore but a hobby. In the past, people only spend money on daily necessities. However, as time goes by, people's standard of living has improved, shopping no longer limit to necessities but can be or pleasure. Though there are some drawbacks to this trend, the positive impacts are far more remarkable.  
  
Shopping as a hobby means that people are putting more money into buying extraordinary things. It in turn favours international trading. Businessmen strikes to provide innovative and new products to customers. Subsequently, it creates more jobs. For example, fast fashion has taken the fashion world by storm. It creates large demand for affordable clothing, which can only be made in less developed countries where the cost of labour is the least. Nevertheless, it provides job opportunities and help these impoverished countries to keep up with the development of other countries. Moreover, it can be a life changer to these people by improving their livelihood.  
  
Furthermore, i provides the exchange of cultures. Some people spend money on artifacts as a hobby, it may not be of practical use but it definitely carries history and culture. The image of the Tower of London appears on various keychains and T-shirts across London. Imagine how many tourists will be intrigued to learn the history of the Tower of London because of these souvenirs all round the city due to the demand of shopping for leisure.  
  
To me, the change of shopping culture brings more positivity than drawbacks. There is never a change that is perfect and acceptable by all but I do believe this change in the nature of shopping is beneficial to us on the long-term.
1/ the lengths of two body paragraph are not similar  
2/ you should write more complex or compound sentences, your essay have a lot of simple sentences.  
3/ I do not know what "it" is refered to ( the last sentence of the second paragragh)  
4/ This sentence "Some people spend money on artifacts as ..." didn't prove anything and not related to your topic sentence.  
5/ You refer to drawbacks in both intro and conclusion, but there is no reference about them on your body paragragh.
I believe that your discussion is in error. You discussed the act of creating goods for shopping and its benefits to the businessmen and society. The actual discussion was asking about shopping changing from being a routine task, meaning something people have to do repeatedly, whether they want to or not, to becoming a hobby, meaning people do it for fun. Your essay did not consider the actual application of the keywords "hobby" and "routine task" . Due to your misunderstanding of the keywords, you did not properly develop the essay. It should have reflected the attitude of people towards shopping which is, from being something they have to do even if they don't want to, to something that they are doing regularly because they get benefits from doing it as a hobby. As a routine task, shopping means always buying the same goods every time you go to the store. By shopping as a hobby, one can buy different things are various stores, it is no longer a preset list of items to buy every week, hence the term "routine task".
## youth spend less time with their families

  
  
With recent technological advancements such as social media, which were made to bring people closer, has now made them more distant than ever. This is true in the case of teenagers and even young adults, who tend to not spend time with their families. This essay will discuss two reasons behind it, and I believe there are more adverse effects of this trend than positive effects.  
  
First, the rising popularity among social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram has caused a strain in the family's homes. In 2017 a study found that youngsters aged 13-22 spent nearly 8 hours a day browsing through social media applications. Youngsters use this as a distraction from being productive and achieving their goals. It affects their grades at school and also prevents having good communication with their parents. To solve this, parents should limit the hours their children can use at home and also spend quality time talking with each other.\  
  
Secondly, most adolescent children get introduced to drugs early on in their teens. Drug abuse among youngsters in American households is more common than any country in the world. It affects their health and causes trauma to family members. It also lowers a sense of responsibility to their existing family and even their future family. To curb this problem, educating kids about drug abuse would immensely help them from becoming addicts.  
  
In conclusion, both social media and drug abuse have led youths to spend less time from their families. This trend has serious negative impacts on people's lives and their families and can only be controlled by educating and teaching family values.
Provide the complete prompt next time so that the content of your essay can be reviewed based on the writing guidelines provided by the discussion requirement. As of now, I am not sure if you are properly addressing the discussion requirements due to the seemingly confusing discussion instructions of your essay.  
  
Since the standard instruction for these essays is to have you write the information based on personal experience or knowledge, it would be best to always rephrase information coming from a personal point of view or public perception / knowledge. You should never refer to the information as having come from a researched source. Rather than saying "In 2017 a study..." you could instead say "The common perception is that teenagers spend almost 8 hours a day on their gadgets". Yes, you can make up the information, you should just frame it based on the expected presentation format. That means, no reference to studies or a specific year in relation to "researched information". Use a general discussion, no references for the discussion information, but with gender free pronoun references whenever possible.
+ children get introduced to drugs --> I think "get introduced" should be "are exposed"  
+Your essay is good but you probably need more linking words. you can add "for instance" after the 1st sentence in the 3rd paragraph.  
+You can use Not only but also in the 3rd sentence. "It affects their health and causes trauma to family members." --> not only does it .... but it also lowers a sense of responsibility.  
  
All in all, linking words will improve your coheresion.
**Topic:  
## Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

  
*People benefit more from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign countries. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.***  
  
In contemporary society, it has become an issue of whether it is more beneficial to travel in our own country or not. People's opinions vary from person to person. Some claim that we can get more benefits from traveling to foreign countries, however, others hold the opposite view. As far as I'm concerned, I would prefer the viewpoint that it is better to travel abroad for a spectrum of reasons.  
  
Firstly, we can improve our foreign language proficiency. It must be the best opportunity for us to learn a language in this way since we put ourselves in a place where we have got to speak the local language or we cannot communicate with others, and this is the key to learning a language. To illustrate my point, the experience of traveling abroad alone can be cited as an example. I went to Canada in my sophomore year for a trip. One of the reasons that I went there is to learn English. I pushed myself to have a chat with others and engaged in local activities. In the middle of the trip, I found out that I have an astonishing improvement in my English ability. I can speak English fluently with no accent and I got their point what they said in conversation.  
  
Additionally, we can broaden our horizons. Since it is difficult for us to fully realize the foreign culture just by watching TV or reading the news, we have to go there and merge into the local life. It reminds me of an example that matches my idea to the fullest extent. I went to China in my freshman year. Before I went there, I had no idea why they ate spicy food. I initially thought that it is because they like to eat spicily. However, after this trip, I finally understood that they eat spicy food because of the local wet and scorching environment.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that we gain more from having a trip abroad. This is because we can strengthen our foreign language proficiency and because we can expand our horizons.
I think your essay totally clear to keep trace with. However, just from my point of view, although it required to explain whether you agree or disagree, this type of "Agree or Disagree" should be illustrated by using General items related to the topic. It's fine to include your personal experience, but It would make yours lessen convincing and persuasive. One more thing, "As far as Im concerned," should be used only in oral language, try not to lay it in your essay. Thank you for reading my comment.
Do not use the phrase "spectrum of reasons" because you are only allowed to present 2 reasoning paragraphs in this essay. You should be saying either "due to 2 specific reasons" or "a couple of reasons". Both of which refer to the number of reasoning paragraphs you will be presenting. A "spectrum" refers to several reasons, which you cannot present in this essay.  
  
You have written 348 words for this essay. Way more than the maximum 290 word requirement. You would most likely go over the 40 minute writing allowance for this essay. The best way to ensure that you meet the maximum presentation requirement would be to make sure that you always write within 3-5 sentence only with every paragraph. This is the formatting requirement for this type of essay. 4 paragraphs, each paragraph with 3-5 sentences each. You will definitely score well when you follow that format. The concluding statement should be better presented. Use a summary format for that paragraph. Summarize your previous topic and discussion points. That is the information required in that section, that is why it is called a concluding summary.
## The future of printed newspapers or books

  
  
In the contemporary society, people have a tendency to make use of online sources for reading without spending much money. Some individuals have considered that this trend will lead to the decrease of the number of people who purchases printed newspapers or books. I completely disagree with this point of view in terms of health, lifestyle and copyright.  
  
To begin with, the excessive exposure to the screen of advanced technologies including mobile phones, computers,... for reading has some negative influences on people's health. There is no doubt that the development of technology has brought to people plentiful benefits, but its impact on users's eyes, back, skin,... should not be ignored. Many people, especially youngsters have experienced some health problems such as short sightedness, back pain, dry skin,..., thereby increasing the awareness of using online reading technology. A recent research has illustrated that reading online is condemned as a major culprit for engendering a sedentary lifestyle. Therefore, printed newspapers or books still play an essential role in not only providing a great deal of information but also do no harm to people's health.  
  
Moreover, buying newspapers or books directly is an effective method to guarantee copyright for authors and creators. Many online sources illegally use other official sources without permission, which remains a highly continueous public discourse about authors' right. Besides that, nowadays plagiarism is extemely prevalent, so it partly decline people's belief on online source of information. However, people can rely on the flow of infomation on printed newspapers or books because it is usually verified and agreed to publish by its own author. One good example for that is the scandals of celebrities, many keyboard warriors share wrong information about famous people on social network, so they have to receive unexpected consequences and criticism from public.  
  
In conclusion, people should be careful when reading online information in order to avoid misunderstand. The aforementioned reasons lay an adequate foundation for me to claim that despite the advancement of technology, typicallt Intenet, printed newspapers or books will never be replaced.