dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
You are making claims in your prompt paraphrase that are not included in the original presentation. There is no reference to "In different parts of the world" in the original prompt. The discussion is only related to local or national governments. Therefore, involving the international community creates a topic deviation which the examiner will spot and deduct points for. Do not exaggerate, do not give opinions where none are required, and most of all, do not make up information just to make your writing seem more exciting than the original presentation. This is also an extent essay, so you have to present a clear demarcation with regards to how far you support the suggestion that government should impose a high tax on food. Your essay lacks a clear opinion in that regard, which will pull down your TA score, making your essay kick-off on a lower than acceptable starting score.  
  
Avoid the use of run-on sentences in the opening and concluding paraphrase sections. This is a common error among test takers. You still need to follow the 3-5 sentence format for those sections. Writing those sections properly could actually help to boost your overall score.
<I need someone who can help me view a abstract below>  
  
**THE PERFORMANCE OF THE FOURTH INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION IN KOREAN PUBLIC DIPLOMACY**:  
## FOCUS ON KOREA-VIETNAM DIPLOMATIC RELATIONS

  
  
Diplomacy has an important role in each country. In particular, in the background of the globalization era, the role of diplomacy is more central and can be a crucial chain of national development. Until now, the process of diplomacy development has been long, and traditional diplomacy has maintained an important mission, and as the 21st century a new concept of public diplomacy emerges. This is a part of traditional diplomacy and has a variety of influences on the diplomatic process of each country. Also, the 21st century is referred to as the era of the scientific revolution and the era of the 4th industrial revolution. And the purpose of paper is to examine how these elements are applied in the field of public diplomacy in Korea and what effects can have. More over this paper conducted a survey on 315 Vietnamese who are living in Vietnam, entitled "Status of the use of the 4th industrial revolution achievements in the process of implementing Korean public diplomacy policies", and important conclusions were presented according to the survey results.  
  
Keywords: Fourth Industrial Revolution, Korea-Vietnam public diplomacy, application of science and technology, social media, major activities in public diplomacy
The first 2 sentences are not effective in helping you explain what the problem you will be discussing in your research paper is. Make sure that you clearly explain the issue or situation, perhaps the problem, that the research paper will be addressing. What specific diplomacy question are you posing? Why is it important? How do you plan to research it? Your method of researching isn't really complete as you did not include the survey questions in the abstract. You also forgot to include a summary of the results in relation to the survey you took. Since an abstract can be up to 250 words, you should consider creating a more comprehensive abstract. It should help you complete the purpose of the abstract and also, allow you to create a clearer overview of your research paper. Right now, it feels rushed and lacking in content presentation.
Art classes such as painting or drawing are important for children's development, so  
it should be compulsory in high school. Do you agree or disagree?  
  
## art subjects should be voluntary only

  
  
It is widely argued that whether or not art classes such as painting or drawing should be obligatory in high school. While I agree that these subjects are necessary, I strongly believe that they should only be optional subjects.  
  
To begin with, it is true that art classes would be beneficial for children's development. The reason is that these classes might help children develop completely. In more detail, while logical subjects such as sciences and maths might facilitate the development of logical intelligence, art subjects such as painting and drawing would benefit emotional intelligence. For example, children who study art classes could tend to be better in stress management and relationship management. Furthermore, art classes may help to find future talents in these subjects. For instance, Le Minh Khoa, whose talent was uncovered when joining a painting class in his school ten years ago, now becomes a famous painter in Vietnam. If students do not join in art classes, their hidden talents would never be discovered.  
  
However, I disagree with the idea that art subjects should be mandatory in high school for various reasons. Firstly, because entrance exams of most universities do not include art subjects, it is unnecessary to force all students to join art classes. This is particularly the case for those who only focus on university entrance exams and not be interested in art classes. If they must unwillingly join in these classes, this would have a negative effect on their academic results. Furthermore, students who are reluctant to participate in art classes might not study effectively, which leads to a waste of time and money. For instance, my younger brother, who has to study painting in his school, is often tired in these classes.  
  
In conclusion, while I recognise that children's development benefits from art classes, it seems to me that art subjects should only be voluntary subjects.
Nice Essay!  
I was thinking about that part about art classes helping with the emotional inteligence such as stress and relationship management.  
Hence, my suggestion is that when you say it is unnecessary to force all students to join art classes because that entrance exams of universities do not include these subjects, you can explain that the students can still have art in their life in other ways such as music, reading, etc. So you do not say that it is completely unnecesary :) explain a bit more why and that art classes could be important to someone who wants to pursue a Degree in Arts for example.
This is a task 2 essay, not an academic research paper. Kindly remember that you have 40 minutes to complete this task. Therefore, the advisable word count is 275-290 words. This is the word count that will allow you to double check the essay in case you made any significant errors in your writing. Completing the essay with 312 words, but then having errors in grammar, coherence, and LR scoring sections will not result in a good score for you in the end. Any amount of errors, no matter how small, will still result in percentage deductions in those specific rubic sections, which will combine to create a lower than expected overall score for yourself.  
  
Please remember that an agree or disagree essay is written from a singular point of view. The word "or" signifies a solo choice must be made in terms of your supporting opinion. You have to use the 2 reasoning paragraphs to convince the reader that your opinion is the right one. Your TA score will also depend on your correct discussion format since you are being scored on the clarity of your opinion. You are scored on the clarity of your decision. You have to make one choice for your response. Since this is not an extent essay, you cannot support both points to a certain degree. Your discussion approach is incorrect, applicable percentage deductions will be applied. I do not believe that this essay will get a baseline passing score. Most specially because the reverse paraphrase is not existing. You cannot have a complete reverse concluding paragraph with only one sentence. That is always a 3-5 sentence presentation. This is the same problem, with the same reasons, that exist in your opening statement.
## the Percentage of uk citizens who had a car

  
  
The line graph shows the proportion of people who owned cars in the United Kingdom between 1971 and 2007.  
  
To summarized, people who had two cars rose gradually over a period of 36 years but people who didn't have any car declined steadily although it was the most common category at the first time.  
  
In 1971, a significant changed we can see is that a downward trend in the people who didn't own a car, which is nearly half, but dropped by 20% in the final years. By 2007, around 10% of the amount of populations that had two cars increased considerately over a quarter.  
  
British who had one car were over 40% from the first and remained stable from 1971 to 2007. There were the less people who owned three or more cars in the beginning, in spite of it climbed, which is mere 2%. In contrast, nearly 50% of the proportion of people didn't own any car in 1971.  
  
Thanks!  
  
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Use the present time frame reference for this essay since you are summarizing (not summarized) the report at the present moment, not in the past. You have not summarized it yet. You are just about to summarize the report for your essay. Review your tense usage rules and practice writing in various time frames to make sure you do not make this mistake again.  
  
All of your sentences do not follow the required 3-5 sentence format. These run-on sentences are what will cause the failure of your essay. You have limited your scoring potential in the GRA score to a non-passing one because you chose to not highlight your writing ability as you should have using the GRA requirements such as various punctuation marks along with simple and complex sentence presentations.  
  
Since this is your first time writing this type of essay, I hope that you can review the other Task 1 essays here so that you will learn how to improve your own work based on the mistakes other people made. You should find that by reading advice given to others, you will be able to improve your work and avoid the same errors which would have caused you problems with your final score.
## the percentage of volunteers by organizations in 2008 and 2014

  
  
The visual reveals information regarding the proportion of people doing volunteer jobs in six different spheres and shows how the value alters in two years surveyed, namely 2008 and 2014. Generally, it can be seen that while the environmental sector accounted for the lion's share in the whole chart, the reverse was evident with the health care category in both years.  
  
According to the pie charts, the environment, sport, and health care were characterized by an overall upward trend. Specifically, whereas the sporting categories thrived by 10% in the portion of volunteers during the 6-year gap to finish at 25%, that of the health care sector witnessed an insignificant increase of 1%. Besides, the data of environmental volunteers noticeably grew by 8%, and thus this category still dominated the whole data with 29% in 2014.  
  
Conversely, education and art underwent an opposite tendency in comparison with their counterparts. The most noticeable deflation among this group was the educational figure, decreasing from 24% to merely 17% in 2014, which was followed by that of Art, identically, was recorded a minimal deterioration of 6% to hit 12% in the same period. Meanwhile, the data representing others category, which commenced at 15%, almost halved in the occupation of volunteering members between 2008 and 2014.  
  
Thanks guys for helping me ^^  
  
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The standard word count for the task 1 essay is 175-190 words. You have written 211 words, which might mean that you cut into the time requirement for the Task 2 essay. You need to learn to properly analyze the information within a limited word count. The idea is to prove that you can quickly write a comprehensive image report within 20 minutes. You do not need to make it extremely long, just properly informative.  
  
What visual are you talking about? Your summary overview needs to identify the type of image that was presented. You should give the type of image in the summary overview as required. You do not save that for the second paragraph because it makes your summary overview incomplete. You should have also identified the type of measurements used and the comparison categories. Your summary overview is actually overwritten, without offering the required information so you will not score well in that section.  
  
Avoid writing overly long sentences. These run-on sentences in the paragraph presentations will definitely lower your TA and GRA score because you are confusing the reader with too much information in one sentence. You must learn to write clear individual sentences. Make the paragraph informative and easy to follow by using 3-5 sentences per paragraph. Since this is a reporting essay, you do not need to write too much. Just the facts.
***Some People Think That It Is Better To Educate Boys And Girls In Separate Schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools.***  
  
## Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

  
  
As educational systems have become so diverse, single-sex and mixed schools are established with different academic purposes. However, many people argue that children will perform better in separate schools, while others advocate the advantages mixed gender ones. The following essay will consider both sides and give my personal viewpoint.  
  
On the one hand, it is believed that boys and girls would be more likely to reach their full potential in a single-gender academic environment. To begin with, they have better concentration in the class, thus can achieve higher grades in exams. Indeed, students would not be distracted by love fantasies of teenage or getting involved in immature relationships. Also, it is observed that teenagers tend to comply with shool regulations more when surrounded by same-sex peers. Moreover, increasing sexual misbehavior has been witnessed in many cases of assaults and inappropriate discrimination which occur in mixed-gender schools. Nevertheless, single-sex institutions contribute significantly to reduce the rate of those incidences, thereby create an unbiased environment for teens.  
  
On the other hand, opponents prefer co-education schools for an array of beneficial aspects. The primary reason is that students can develop better communication with the opposite sex. The mutual interaction is of great importance in the sense that juveniles will learn to understand and respect the other gender in terms of biological and emotional sides. Furthermore, mixed-gender schooling system provides students with team-working or competition activities, which greatly enhances their interpersonal skills with the counterparts. Another positive point of this system is that it is less costly comparing to single-sex schools. Clearly, dividing boys and girls demands more educational expense on facilities, curriculums and other sectors as well.  
  
In conclusion, both schooling systems have their own merits and play critical roles in educating and assisting children development. However, I am in favour of co-education schools on account of better interpersonal communication and lower expenditure in comparison to single-sex ones.  
  
P/S: I am struggling with the length of this essay since it is more than 300 words (I don't know where to shorten more), also the structure and words usage. Please help me, thank you.
In the first paragraph, the topic restatement should only cover 2 sentences. It should not contain an extra sentence that does not reflect any information from the original prompt (sentence 1). Remove the unnecessary information presentation and your word count will automatically become limited in the presentation. Remember the golden rule: "Every paragraph should only cover 5 lines of writing" that is equivalent to 5 sentences.  
  
Avoid word fillers as well to keep the word count down (To begin with, On the one hand, on the other hand, Moreover, In conclusion, etc.)  
  
Even with over 300 words, you still forgot to discuss your personal opinion in the essay. There is a lack of third person and first person pronoun usage in the presentation paragraphs. These will help the examiner discover who is doing the talking in the 3 paragraphs (2 public third person gender free pronouns for the public opinion + 1 first person pronoun for the personal point of view). The first person point of view needs to be as completely developed as the 2 public POV as this is a requirement in the presentation. You should not make it a single sentence presentation as a part of the conclusion. That creates an open-ended essay, which will lower your score.
## Parents need to put themselves in children's shoes

  
  
As everyone knows parents always love their child, therefore, they will do everything for them including deciding what job they should do. But I strongly agree that parents should let their children make their own decision about what job they will do in the future due to these reasons. First of all, every child has their dream, they know what they want to be so that parents can't constrain children to do the job they want them to do or thinking that good for them. Moreover, children have to work not parents, they won't be happy or worst it may lead to depression because they don't interested in the job. The simple fact is work done under pressure has never been successful. Secondly, children are going to rely on their parents. The job they love to do they can't decide, how about love, social, friends what they are going to do, parents decide everything as living their life, when they get used to being controlled, step by step they will be losing their opinion, they are going to be like a robot waiting for orders. Last but not least, when the wrong career is made, the time and money both go wasted. So, it is better to allow children to make their career choice rather than getting influenced and then making a choice. If a child is sure and determined about a specified stream and career, let him or her go for it; do not stop the child or it could ruin one's future. In conclusion, career is important that impacts one's entire future. Parents need to put themselves in children's shoes. Since every child is different and unique, parents should show them what they are good at instead of imposing their own decisions on the children.
For me this is more like a speech, not an academic essay. There are basic things you need to improve and revise.  
First, there must be no contractions (like ''can't'') in an academic essay since it is formal writing.  
Second, I think you are trying to express your ideas like you are speaking so there are several grammatical errors. To illustrate, you put "but" and at the beginning of a sentence, which is definitely inappropriate. Instead, you can use 'however' or 'nevertheless'. You also should use 'for this reason', 'therefore', 'thus',.... rather than "so" at the beginning of a sentence.  
  
I will point out another sentence which contains grammatical error: "So, it is better to allow children to make ..."  
  
-> For this reason, it is better for parents to allow children to decide their career choice rather than get involved and impose personal opinions on them"  
  
I am still an amateur, but I hope this may help you somehow.
This is a Task 2 essay. It is not a simple class response paper, which is the format that you used for this piece of writing. What you should do is first, learn to properly format the Task 2 essay. To do this task properly, you will need to do the following in terms of formatting:  
  
Par. 1: Topic paraphrase + direct response to the question posed + 2 reasoning topic subjects  
Par. 2: Expanded reasoning 1 discussion composed of 5 sentences  
Par. 3: Expanded reasoning 2 discussion, 5 sentences maximum  
Par. 4: Concluding paraphrase composed of the topic restatement and reasoning summary with a repeat of your personal opinion.
## IELTS TASK 1: BAR CHART- AVERAGE CLASS SIZE

  
  
The bar chart gives information about the average number of students per class in primary schools and secondary schools in six regions by 2006, and compares them to the world average. Overall, it can be seen that there were more primary schools than secondary schools in the world. Also, South Korea and Japan had the highest number of both types of schools compared to the others.  
  
According to the table, the number of primary schools in South Korea, Japan and the UK all had larger primary classes compared to the world average. The figure for South Korea reached to nearly 35 students per class, which was the most significant. By contrast, Mexico, Denmark and Iceland had the smaller primary classes compared to the world average, with around 20 students per class.  
  
Regarding secondary schools, the figures for South Korea, Japan and Mexico were all higher to the world average, with South Korea having the largest classes (approximately 36 students per class). Meanwhile, the UK, Denmark and Iceland had smaller clases in comparison with the world average (with around 20 students per class).  
  
Word count: 182 words  
  
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You can use slightly more professional statements like "This chart illustrates..." etc. Use more technical vocabulary where possible, imagine you are a news broadcaster delivering max information in minimum time. Moreover, you drew slightly wrong conclusions. First, it is not a comparison of number of schools as you mentioned in the opening paragraph, and the graph shows that there are more pupils per class in secondary schools in the world than primary schools. Second, you made this mistake again at the last line of first paragraph. It is a simple mistake, but can cost you marks.  
  
Minor grammatical mistakes: No need to write TO after REACHED in 2nd paragraph. Remove THE after Denmark HAD.  
3rd paragraph, Higher THAN the world average, not TO.  
  
Other than these, its concise and to-the-point. Keep up the good work.
Actually, the only error you made was that you said the comparison was based on a world average when it was not. It is actually based on a select number of primary schools in several countries. You should have listed the countries instead, that would have helped you avoid confusion when writing your statements. You also confused the reader when you mentioned the bar chart in the summary overview, then turned it into a table in the second paragraph. It would have been better to not have given another image description instead since you already described it in the summary overview. These errors would result in clarity and cohesiveness issues and percentage deductions in an actual test.  
  
A comma is used after the word "and", not before it. There are also instances, such as in your "2006 and," presentation when a comma is not required at all. You also spelled "classes" as "clases", a simple spelling error but one that will still have point deductions in the end. The less mistakes you make, the higher your score.
## total world population - analysis of the chart

  
  
The given bar graph provides information regarding the proportion of the people in the world in India, China, USA and Japan from 1950 to 2003 and predictions for 2050.  
  
Overall, China and India accounted for a large proportion of the demographics in the world and is forecast to remain their first places. However, the numbers of people in the USA and Japan were not nearly as high as in China and India.  
  
As a closer look at the graph, there is a contrasting trend between China and India. In 1950, the percentage of Indian people was 15%, then this country witnessed a moderate increase in 2002 and is projected to have reach a peak of approximately 18% by 2050. While, China peaked at around 23% and dropped considerably in 2002 and is predicted to follow the same pattern and fall to 15% in 2050.  
  
According the the graph, the number of citizens in the USA in 1950 was relatively higher than in Japan, at approximately 8% and 4% respectively. In the USA, there was a slight drop of 3% in 2002 and it is expected to remain the same in 2050. In the meanwhile, the proportion of Japanese people fell slightly in 2002 and has a tendency to continue to take a plunge to around 2% in 2050.  
  
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