dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## the future of printed books, newspapers

  
  
Some people say that in the future printed books or newspapers will be purchased by no one since people could read everything they need on the internet for free. In my perspective, although people could read many things on the internet without paying money, I do not agree with this school of thought that no one will use printed books or newspapers.  
  
Admittedly, people could read many things on the internet for free. With the rapid development of social networks, because the information is available everywhere on the internet, people, with basic internet-connection electronic devices could easily search for many useful data. For example, a cook could find several delicious recipes for her dinner in seconds by accessing Youtube. This method also helps people save time and effort in finding information in books or magazines. However, the internet just provides some basic information in certain fields and these data almost are not examined probably.  
  
Although the internet assists people in finding information quickly, it is sometimes pale in comparison with printed books and newspapers because of several rationals. First and foremost, most of the valuable documents in certain domains require users to pay the fee when it is downloaded from the internet because of copyright issues. As a result, if users want to own valuable materials, for instance, a research paper, they have to pay money by credit cash. In addition, printed books positively impact readers' health more than digital books. One of the fundamental reasons is when spending hours trawling or reading something on the internet, the eyes are detrimental gradually over months, which also leads to some certain eye-related diseases. In these circumstances, printed books or newspapers are optimal choices.  
  
In conclusion, even though people could read many things on online platforms, it is my firm conviction that printed books bring many benefits for people because of some unique features that unexisted on the internet.
The writer has a problematic representation of the topic because of a confusing idea presentation in the topic sentence. Sentence structuring can use improvement.The response format, thought responsive in idea, is not in the correct format since it does not show the extent or strength of the writer's opinion through the use of powerful words, words used in accordance with the correct reasoning summary. The introductory paragraph could have been better developed in line with the discussion format requirement.  
  
Discussion topics provided are incorrect and irrelevant to the discussion. The information used by the writer works both ways. People will have to purchase electronic versions of the print materials, how is that different from needing to purchase books? eBooks are acknowledged to be the replacement of print books. Both require purchasing on the part of the reader. The reasoning is not convincing due to the similar requirements for owning the material.  
  
Even the reference to eyesight problems are equal between print and electronic media. The same eye problems exist. So what is the difference? None. Why should the reader believe the writer's opinion when all of his reasons show an equal reason that will allow books of print and electronic print to exist side by side? The discussions provided should prove the value of print books over eBooks, not its equality. That equality is not mentioned in the writer's opinion. Had he indicated a thesis statement that mentioned equality, then the discussion presented would have been highly scored due to acceptability and relevance.  
  
Throughout the essay, the writer encounters presentation problems due to the inconsistent sentence presentations that affect the coherence of the sentences and paragraphs. Therefore, he must realize that his weakness lies in sentence structure and this is the section where he must improve the most during his grammar exercises.
## care for the elderly

  
  
It is common beliefs that the distribution of money to old peoples to they feel more carefully, however, other perspectives argue that a large of money should be invested for the education of young-age groups.in my opinion, i support that money should be more allocated for the schools to childrens had a well-educated than take care of older peoples.  
  
on the one hand,even though the elder people is easily to become vulnerable and need to be more careful all the times.Because of they always feel isolated and unconfident due to the more and more in their age and they don't make a numinous financial as well as when they were young. However,Almost the elder usually lived with their descendants, so nearly theirs need an accommodation,caring when they had been have illness which demanded emediately.in addition, the older ages would be gave a retired money by government.  
  
According to a study in 2000, about 90% of the elders nearly lived with their young generations although, in the previous years they had lived lonely for characteristics or the features of their careers. So, the government should again consider the distribution of money to elder people.  
  
On the other hand,the more money allocated for the education of the young generation, the more easily had a improved- country in the future.because, the new inventions which almost came from high- school students  
  
according to a statistics over period of 10 years from 1990 to 2000,The Europe had more strongly money invested than the rest of countries.By 2001,it had been had the most production science and a highest economics.therefor, the investment in the schools is the best way to enhance a country.  
  
To conclude, the elderly would need to have caring so they feel more and more healthier, however, the investment of young education is more necessary than for the future.
This essay will immediately receive a failing score, regardless of the discussion presented and the number of words provided. Why? The first thing that the examiner will notice is that the writer does not have any knowledge of to write a sentence in English. None of these sentences will even pass as beginner English from an ESL student. The writer does not convey clear thoughts or ideas in the sentences because his word usage is so severely faulty, the grammar range for this essay will be based on the failing score due to sentence formation problems, word usage errors, and meaning distortion.  
  
The C+C for this essay will be the second noticeable problem in this essay. The GRA problems caused the formation of a discussion that is incoherent and lacking in cohesiveness. His score in this section will also be non-passing.  
  
The final problem, is that the writer is citing research in a paper that is asking for a personal opinion from the writer. These are but the more immediate and noticeable errors in the presentation that will prevent this type of writing from gaining a passing score for the task instructions. It becomes ever obvious to the examiner that the writer is not yet at the beginner level of using the English language in expressing himself. He will score the examinee as such.  
  
If the writer is to have a prayer of passing this test, he must first work on his basic ESL skills. That will include enhancing his severely limited English vocabulary to help him form more properly formatted sentences. Enroll in formal ESL classes to achieve this goal. Do not proceed with writing any sort of IELTS essay yet. He is not yet capable of writing such tasks.
- Pay attention to the fundamental rule like "I" is always in capital form and how the first letter is written after a full stop "."  
- common belief~~s~~  
- that the distribution of money to old peoples to they feel more carefully -> make no sense. I just guess you mean " so that the elderly can feel cared for" ?  
  
- other perspectives argue that -> how can perspectives argue, as far as I know it's more or less than a viewpoint, remember that "argue" is an activity of humans.  
  
- invested ~~for~~ in  
- i ~~support~~ believe that  
- is easily to become vulnerable -> easily become/ is easy to become. Plus, I think that it should only be " the elderly is vulnerable". It's a fact not that they become  
  
- Because of they always feel isolated and unconfident. After "because of" is a noun.  
- the more and more in their age. ??? -> simply "due to old age"  
- ....  
There are so many grammar mistakes that it seems to be an impossible mission for me to list all. The first thing that you have to do immediately is to improve your poor grammar. I suggest English Grammar and use grammar whenever you attempt to write in English. Plus, it seems to me that you only have very limited knowledge about how to write a task 2 essay. Whatever the first thing to do now is still brush up your grammar and at the same time, build a good vocabulary base!
there are a lot of grammatical mistakes in your essay. For example : the first sentence of body 1 you use the complex sentence with 'although', however there is no main clause here. Besides, you have failed to follow the right format of maybe IELTS writing. You should divide your idea into 2 bodies to prove what you want to say. The one before conclusion : according to a statistics (...) enhance a country.  
  
can be used for an example but shorter, and then analyze it to prove what you want to say. If you want to get a good marks, follow youtube or others learning materials to improve or C+C mark
***Today people live away from their friends and family to find a job in other cities.***  
## Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

  
  
It is observed that people increasingly sacrifice their chance to stay near their loved one to relocate for work. This essay will analyze both the merits and demerits of the tendency and the reasons why the merits are greater.  
  
On the one hand, those who move away from families and friends are more at the risk of enduring mental health problems. As people have been accustomed to being in the company of the loved one, they could find it demanding in case of stepping out of their comfort zone. In practice, such people feel the difficulties to share their problems with the next of kin due to great distance. A case in this point is migrant workers since they are intrinsically inclined to opt for foreign countries. Therefore, the laborers have to stand on their own and in the end may suffer from sheer pressure regarding their workload and lack of compassion, which will escalate without outside assistance. As it shows, people could confront the mental health problems when being away from the loved one.  
  
On the other hand, their ambition for the career fulfilment would be straightforward to be realized. As bigger cities or countries are the hub of various industries, which may facilitate a safe and secured career as well as high wage, those who make for these destinations stand the chance of finding an ideal job. This could not only benefit their own career in the long term but their living condition as well. Japan in this day and age becomes such an impeccable countries for laborers throughout the developing countries in view of its labor export programs. Given that, people opting for this nation could ameliorate their financial condition in tandem with a stable career path. Thus, their living away from their loved one goes along with their successful employment.  
  
In conclusion, while the tendency to relocate for work instead of staying near family friend presents both the downsides and upsides, it seems to me that the upsides outweigh the counterpart.
There is room for improvement in the restatement and personal opinion paragraph. Avoid changing the statement basis from a mere straightforward opinion to one that includes a verification of truth or personal observations. Those can be included in the writer's opinion but not in the restatement section. The verification and observation will be considered a prompt deviation since it is not originally referenced. Avoid empty discussion instructions repetitions as well. These sorts of writing do not help establish the writer's opinion as required in the discussion. These errors will be considered in the preliminary scoring of the paragraph and be given lower than expected scores.  
  
Based on the given discussion, the writer does not really understand the task writing requirements. That of a written debate that aims to debunk and perceived disadvantages as actual advantages. While the writer takes care to use targeted words in his presentation, these do nothing for the rest of the scoring requirement since the discussion format does not follow the expected outline. Where there should be 2 discredited disadvantages, there is only 1. It is not an effective written debate.
From my perspective, the essay is good. However, take care of the thesis sentence: the reasons why the merits are greater. This is not a way for you to give your own opinion : instead try to use : the " main idea you want to analyze about the advantage" + outweigh the drawbacks you have mentioned. This does not affected your score overall. Besides, the conclusion is the same with a lot of carelessness. Where is the sentence for prediction or recommendation? One more sentence in the conclusion can also balance your essay a lot. TRY TO IMPROVE
## economic inequality problem

  
  
Nowadays, economic inequality is one of the biggest problems is faced in developing countries. The improvement of society had been cause growing disparity between the wealthy and poor. This essay will discuss some solutions related to decrease the gap.  
  
There are a several actions that governments could take to solve the problems. Firstly, a simple solutions would be the government should be create a high tax impose on the rich, which could be reduce income average inequality in community. Similarly, authority can use this money to supply and develop services without fee in the poor. For instance, in VN, the public transportation wants to be built or the social welfare is implemented, it takes to a lot of money, and this finances is taken by the people who is had the highly personal income taxes. A good example of this is, in Western countries, many billionaires want to take billions of dollars turn into heritance, but this cash will be taken to pay all their tax. It doesn't just stop at the politics ought to change the tax, but other measures is proposed take are also highly regarded.  
  
Secondly, another solution is the Establishment allow increase the minimum wage of the poorest people. A good case in point is a research in United State is express when a labor who had a lower revenue is boosted will help nearly 4.6 millions people out of poverty as the same about 2 billions of dollars is added in economic nation. Another example is in Philippine a worker had a more earns can buy a lot of goods and basic assistance needed to survive. Next to, the administrators have to be enhance programs and contribute the scholarships to student in disadvantaged. Opening up learning paths for students as an example, schools in developing countries have always giving foreign study places to poor pupils.  
  
In conclusion, the distance of people between rich and poor is widen. But if the executive do somethings above, some of the drawbacks of this problems can be averted
The topic covers countries in general, not just developing countries. That is a topic misdirection that will be seen as a prompt topic alteration and result in accuracy deductions. By indicating a disparity in social class rather than economics between countries, the basis for the discussion is also altered, meaning more scoring deductions. Then, the solutions lack a proper discussion topic outline for the benefit of the examiner. The prompt restatement + opinion paragraph will not receive passing preliminary marks.  
  
The discussion should be focused on problems and solutions. Not just solutions alone. The writer has incorrectly discussed the topic based on the original discussion requirements. His essay is going to be considered under developed because of the missing discussion points. Add the other GRA problems and it becomes fairly obvious why the paper cannot receive a passing score.
-You seems to have a problem using modals verbs. They are followed by a verb in any form based on the time the activity took place, not be+V. For example, "would/ could do/ have done/ be doing"  
  
-VN: this should be only written in your draft  
- You carelessly and simply put words together to make a sentence which leads to many confusion  
The only thing you have to do right now is not continuing writing, but to work on your English grammar and word choice. Read more short English stories and find newspapers that are suitable for your language capacity. You have vocabulary, but you don't have the ability to combine those and I also think that you don't fully understand them as well so I recommend using an English dictionary to get more insight into the nuances in English words that have similar meanings and know in which context should you put it into. For example, "a labor who had a lower revenue", in this case "revenue should be replaced by "earnings/income", "revenue' is used for "the government/ companies"
@Heilwig  
- economic inequality is one of the biggest problems ~~is~~  faced ...  
- The improvement of society ~~had been~~ causes growing disparity ... and (the) poor  
- ... solutions ~~related~~ relating to ~~decrease~~ narrow the gap.  
- There are ~~a~~ several actions ...  
- Firstly, a simple solution~~s~~ would be ... --> Firstly, one simple solution is that the government should impose a higher tax on the rich.  
  
I think grammar is the most important thing that you should work on right now.
In the beginning, you use the wrong grammar : relating to + v-ing. The wrong of grammar will affect badly 1 in 4 criteria of Ielts writing. This was repeated in both the body 1 and 2 : create a high tax impose on the rich, --> imposed not impose, you use an another clause to clarify the previous one but forgetting to add ed or v-ing for the suitability. I think you just need one example in the body 1 and analyse it clearly instead of using 2, which made the readers confused a lot. The conclusion had the same problem with word " widen". Take care of your grammar if you do not want the examiner only consider 3 in 4 criteria with the 0 for the grammar.
## Parents are the best teachers

  
  
Parents are always by our sides when we have troubles, share everything with us, and make our lives easier. Although parents are the first teachers in our lives, I don't think they are the best teachers for us.  
  
Firstly, our parents sometimes force us to follow their interests and hopes. They want their children to do what they couldn't do in the past and want us to be similar to what they like. Sometimes, they don't let us be the people we want.  
  
Secondly, they don't want their children to pass comfort zones. They keep their children in their vision. They don't want their children to be dangerous. Although they know their children can do more, they keep them safe.  
  
Parents are important teachers for us, but they aren't always the best teachers. Fortunately, besides our parents, we have a lot of teachers who show us to be better people. We learn from our teachers at school, friends, and even from books and the internet.
This essay will receive an automatic failing score because it has only 166 out of 250 words. Percentage deductions will be applied severely to the missing word count. As such, the way the writer approached the topic, how he discussed it, and how well he may have presented his opinion are not scoring considerations anymore. The essay has already failed, regardless of those considerations. It will be best for the writer to ensure that he meets the word count next time. He must write at least 250 words to avoid word count penalties that result in automatic failing final scores.  
  
The writer did not pose a proper prompt restatement because he began to present his opinion of the topic, rather than a rewording of the original in the first paragraph. While he did present a valid personal opinion towards the end of the paragraph, the invalid prompt restatement will further reduce the score of an already failed essay.  
  
His use of contractions in the presentation also did not help his score. While this is not an academic essay per se, the student is still expected to show knowledge of proper English word writing and sentence development. That means, no contractions should be seen in the presentation.  
  
While other problems exist in the paper, these are the two attention catching problems that will automatically be considered by the examiner when considering the preliminary score of the essay.
## the natural world SHIELDED BY TECHNOLOGY

  
  
Thanks to the advent of technology, people are becoming more attached to cutting-edge devices and missing out on the status quo of the natural world. Although this phenomenon exerts a plethora of negative influences, some viable solutions can be implemented to alleviate its potential repercussions .  
  
The technological addiction and the hectic lifestyle of individuals culminates in the devoid of knowledge related to nature. Firstly, technological gadgets have taken a heavy toll on human's life as it takes up a large amount of people's time. With alluring social networking sites and appealing apps, most people are irresistible to these tools, which hinders themselves to the core of nature. Moreover, after utilizing leading-edge devices to the fullest, people have a tendency to be indolent and desire relaxation, therefore having no time to figure out the significance of the natural world. Secondly, a hectic lifestyle is also a precursor which limits the opportunities of people to reach the outer side. In a hustle and bustle world, humans have to work and keep abreast of the latest news constantly in order not to be obsolete. Hence, they often find themselves in a paralyzed situation prior to coming home. For instance, after a rigorous schedule at schools, students aspire to sleep and do homework rather than learning about the environment.  
  
In the face of this status quo, two different pragmatic measures could be taken for the alleviation of this issue to be possible. The first viable solution is that schools should include extracurricular activities in the school curriculum. Students are the next generations, which define the future of the nation. Therefore, it is of great necessity for them to realize the significance of nature and pass down on their posterity. Take going to forests for example. When traveling to these areas, students may be able to have a good grasp of the ecosystem. To make sure they are safe, they should be equipped with state-of-the-art tools. The second solution is to broadcast propaganda. Raising citizens' consciousness is of great importance since it helps them to be more aware of how nature can tremendously affect them. Broadcasting is deemed as one of the most flexible solutions to broaden people's horizons about the natural world. It is especially the most effective when they are having a family gathering since they watch television together.  
  
In conclusion, the technological addiction and the busy lifestyle are the two severe ramifications of this trend. However, with the extracurricular extended in school's curriculum and broadcasting propaganda can help to reverse the undesirable trend.