dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
*the pie chart below shows the main reason why agricultural land becomes less productive. the table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s.*  
  
The pie chart shows information about the main factors that causes where agricultural land experience decreasing of function which occur in three continents of the world during 1999s. The table gives overview about the number of degradation land based on the area (North America, Europe and near Australia). Overall, the highest causes of grand degradation came from over-grazing in farming activity. The greatest degradation occure in Europe.  
  
Based on the pie chart, the percentage of over-grazing was accounted 35%, and it was dominated among other causes. The second highest came from increasing forest function and illegal logging, at 30%. The least number came from other reasons.  
  
The table illustrate that Europe was as main contributor in degradation, at 23% which it gave 9,8 of deforestation and 7,7 over cultivation. However, Europe is the highest percentage totally, but other islands including Australia and New Zealand gave the largest number of over-grazing and they were not experienced in over-cultivation.  
  
In conclusion, the worldwide land degradation most caused by over-grazing and the friendlier land is North America.  
  
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*Hello..Good morning miss Bada :) Let me tell you my opinions about your summary :)  
  
Overall, now you can express your idea better than before :) Nice try when I see you can make some grouping and comparison of the data. But I think the little weakness of your summary is related with your diction choices still not appropriate. For example :*  
  
> agricultural land ~~experience~~ decreasing ==> Not "experience" but "experienced". You also can use another words such as {soil decreased, ground reduction or soil derivation}  
  
> was ~~accounted~~ ==> Not "accounted" but "counted by"  
  
***Well, miss Bada keep practice and make it perfect next time GOOD LUCK ^\_^***
**The graph below and the chart on the next page show the answers people gave about the extent to which they are satisfied with their lives and what they think would make them happiest.  
  
Writing Task 1, Unit 7C, page 74**  
  
The graphs reveal information about people's life satisfication and two different types of factor that make them happiest that are compared by different age groups. Overall, the line graph shows clearly that there is a slight difference in the scale of happiness between male and female in the early age. Also, the main factor of happiness for younger people is money and for older people is health.  
  
The line chart shows that the ratio of life satisfication for male stood at 5.5 and female stood at 5.3 in the early age. Both gender have the same quality of happiness at 5.3 for people aged 21 - 30. Although it decreased gradually to 5.0 for adults aged 41 - 50, it started increasing significantly at 5.6 in the elderly age.  
  
On the other hand, the bar chart shows that the percentage of happiness which caused by money stood at 55% in the early age and continued to decrease along with the increasing of the age to 8% at over 75 year. Meanwhile, the number of happiness which caused by helath only stood at 11% for young people aged 15 - 24, but it growth gradually to 45% for older people aged 65 - 74 and remained steadily for people aged over 75. (206 words)  
  
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Hi Septia,  
Here's my analysis of your report summary of IELTS task 1.  
  
1st paragraph:  
- The ~~graphs~~bar charts reveal the information about people's life ~~satisfication~~satisfaction and ~~two different types of factor~~two main factors that make ~~them~~people~~happiest~~happy that are compared by different age groups.  
  
- Overall, ~~the line graph~~the bar chart~~shows clearly~~clearly shows that there is a slight (...) and female in **the early age.**(what early age? it can become ambiguous. Did you mean "early age of people" or "early age of the year"? I think it is better to write in their early ages. ("their" refers to male and female))  
  
2nd paragraph:  
- The ~~line chart~~first/second bar chart(I am curious, where is the line graph/chart that you are talking about here? The picture can only show the thumbnail. It can't be clicked. I have no idea why) shows that the ratio of life ~~satisfication~~satisfaction for male **stood at** 5.5 and female ...  
  
- Although it **decreased** gradually to 5.0 for adults aged 41 - 50, it **started** increasing significantly at 5.6 in the elderly age.  
  
Different from the essay that I have previously corrected, this essay has major inaccuracies in choosing the appropriate tenses. This essay has NO YEAR/TIME TABLE/TIME LINE that indicates it should be written in the past and therefore, using present tense/present perfect is the most appropriate. Be careful in deciding the proper tenses for an essay, it might damage the whole essay.  
  
Hope this helps :)
**Writing IELTS Task 1- DEGRADATION LAND**  
  
The pie chart provides information about causes farming land cannot produce effectively and the table shows the effect from unproductive land in three different countries in 1990. Overall, it can be seen that over-grazing is the most significant reason for land degradation and Europe is a county which has the highest damage on cultivation land.  
  
Over-gazling is the highest percentage reason for land cannot be used maximally with 35 percent. In other sides, deforestation is number two at 30 percent, where over-cultivation only 28 percent. There is another reason that effect to productivity of land, but it is the smallest percent from others.  
  
There were 3 countries that have damage based on the table. Europe is the highest percentage and North America is the lowest with 23 percent and 5 percent respectively. For over-grazing effect, Oceania get the highest value at 11.3 percent where North-America is the lowest at 1.5 percent. Europe got more damage on deforestation at 9.8 percent and followed by Oceania and North Amercia. And there is zero percent where Oceania did not have impact from over-cultivation.  
  
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*Question*
Hi Mardian,  
Here's my contribution towards your essay, particularly in IELTS writing task 1. I hope you can follow through.  
  
1st paragraph:  
- The pie chart provides the information about ~~causes farming land cannot produce effectively~~less productive farming land and the table shows the effect ~~from~~of**unproductive**(be careful in choosing the appropriate word. It might cause over-generalization and therefore, you can't reach band 6 or above. Mind the difference between unproductive and less-productive) land in three different countries in 1990.  
  
- Overall, it can be seen that over-grazing ~~is~~was the most significant reason for land degradation and Europe ~~is~~was a country which ~~has~~had the highest damage on ~~cultivation land~~land cultivation.  
  
2nd paragraph:  
~~Over-gazling is~~Over-grazing was the highest percentage ~~reason for land cannot be used maximally~~that caused less productive land~~with~~at approximately 35 percent.  
- ~~In other sides~~On the other side , deforestation ~~is~~was number two at 30 percent, where over-cultivation only 28 percent.  
  
Overall, I can see that your essay has major errors in choosing the appropriate tenses for this type of essay. You can determine this by looking at the year. If it is 1990s, why did you use past tense? It might ruin the whole essay and therefore, you cannot reach band 6 or above.  
  
Hope this helps :)
Hello, everyone. If it is possible, could you please help me with my essay? Thanks a lot.  
  
**Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Nowadays, many companies make thousands of advertisements in order to attract consumers. Some people argue that the huge number of advertisement motivates customers' buying unnecessary goods. This argument may be true.  
  
On the one hand, there are numerous advertisements on social medias, billboards, television programs, and other places, and most of them are attractive with stunning visual effects. Some people will have impulse to purchase things they do not need after watching these Ads. For example, a fabulous and glorious hair in a shampoo advertising, can affect some people to imagine that they enable to the same hair after washing with the same shampoo. But most of them will find that it is difficult to own a shinny hair like the shampoo-ads one.  
  
Also, celebrity advertising can encourage many people to buy. Celebrites such as popular singers, famous movie stars, idols, have amazing numbers of fans who are willing to spend money on many products they actually do not need in order to support their favourite stars. Meanwhile, many fans want to wear the same brand clothes, drink same soft drinks like their idols and teams do.  
  
On the other hand, many people's purchase behaviours seem cannot be influenced by ads. For instance, before purchasing, many people will investigate products' information and compare the reviews of products on different websites. Moreover, sometimes many people will ingore even dislike the advertisements. Those applications or services which need people to pay fees to advoid the advertisements on social mideas and smartphone applications, are quiet popular.  
  
In brief, customers have their own freedom and standards to choose what kind of product to purchase; also, a product will disppear in the market if people do not need it. Therefore, neither simply blaming advertisement on motivating people's impulsive consumption, or saying that most customers are intriging by ads to buy products unsensibly is right.
***Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.  
  
Discuss both these views and give your opinion.***  
  
Having good manners in daily life is the thing that we should have. Living as social creature, we should pay an attention with how to be a good person in large group. This should be taught and started at the early age. There are some opinions that the one having responsible to teach the pupils is their parents. The other group claims that the school is the right place learning this.  
  
It is popularly believed that school is the model of society. The students can learn how to be a good civilian from their teacher. But, in fact, school is not an ideal place to implement their knowledge to be a member of society. There are several reasons why it cannot be the best place. The first one is immature friends. If we compare the object in the school and the one in the society .you will find so many differences such as the way of logical thinking which the majority of students do not have. The second is the teacher which does not teach maximally. There are many pupils in the school and some of them cannot be maximally monitored by the teacher.  
  
How about the parents? Sometimes the parents are underestimated by some people. There was a research at Tokyo University and the result surprised researchers around the world. The most effective one to become the good members of society are started but learning from parents. The parents as the closest one are the effective media to transfer the knowledge. When strangers come in front of you and teach you, will you accept their words?  
  
All in all, I believed that learning from school, especially about how to be a good person of inhabitant group cannot be effectively done by the school. Learning from the parents who are the closest one are the best way to know this. There is a quote related by this topic: "You should learn with the right person and you will find your golden ways."
Hello...Good night Mr. Ivan :)  
  
Amazingly, I cannot found anything your mistake in grammar, sentences structure, tenses and another weakness of your summary :) Very nice, very easily to understand your idea. I feel like reading an article by popular author :D I'am sorry because I can't give your some corrections this time :( Because, I really don't find it overall in your written :)  
  
Keep practice and do the best :) and hope you get your golden ways soon ^\_^
***The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. the table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1900s.  
  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.***  
  
The figure shows the causes of losing productivity of global land ant the table informs the data about the regions affected by the degradation in 1990s. Overall, over-grazing is the main cause of global soil degradation. The Europe is the region having the highest percentage of land degraded.  
  
It can be seen from the pie chart that over-grazing is the biggest number of degradation with 35 percent. Logging is the second rank with 30 percent. Then, over-planting gives 28 percent of causes of degradation. Other causes can be combined with 17 percent overall.  
  
Europe is the continent that having the impact of soil degradation with 23 percent. Deforestation is the reason why there are many land degraded at that region. The group of islands in south pacific including Australia and New Zealand - also known as Oceania - is the second degraded land which mostly impacted by over-grazing with 11.3 percent. There is no over-planting here. The last region is North America having 5 percent degraded land. The main cause is over-cultivation with 3.3 percent then over-grazing with 1.5 percent.  
  
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Hello Good Night Mr. Ivan :)  
Let me tell you about my opinion about your summary :)  
  
Overall I really enjoy and can follow your flow of sentences cohesive in each sentence that your express on your written. That's an excellent power of your summary. Actually, I almost not found anything your mistake in here. Just one, but I think this is also important to be more your attention next time :)  
  
*... of global land ~~ant~~ AND the table ...*  
  
Okay, Mr.Ivan I hope you can keep try and practice to make it better and perfectly :) good luck :)
**Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.**  
  
There are two opinions about where is the best place to teach the children about being good members of organisation. Some people think that parents at home are responsible to teach the child but others think that school is the proper place to learn. In my perspective, parents are responsible to build the fondation of the children's character and school is a place to facilitate and support the children when they want to become members in society  
  
Firts of all, before children get into the school, parents have taught the children to socialise in the small group such as with their family members. Because of bonding that parents and children have since children were born, building their character become easy. Parents have to teach the children how to communicate to each other, speak clearly in front of others, behave, and being confident when they meet many infants. After children are learned by their parents, they will be ready come to school to join in the bigger society  
  
When the children get into school, they will meet many people in different behaviour, many organisation and study club at school. School is a place for many kinds of society. Children can choose more than one organisation that they like to join. School become a facilitator and connector to children's ability in social lives. School teach the students about leadership and the bigger scale of the society attitude. For instance, when i was twelve years old, my father tod me about his experience when he became a leader in a big organisation in his campus. I learned about how to communicate and persuade people with just one sentence. After that i became a leader in my junior high school's organisation in fourteen years old. I learned from my father and i was supported by teacher in school. That is the reason why both parents and schools are important  
  
To sum up, i believe that family is a place for children to build their character and become a good person. In school children will be facilitated and supported so that they can join in the bigger society
to teach the child, but others think that  
  
better you add comma before conjunction (because, but etc)  
  
After that, i became a leader ...  
  
2. you can use collocation that has a close meaning  
"they meet many infants "--> infant usually use to explain about baby  
  
you cant use collocation such as: they meet many infantss/ shcoolchidrean  
  
e.g: Some people think that parents at home are responsible to teach the child, but others think that school is the proper place to learn.  
  
good luck
**How satisfied are you with your live? and What would make you happinest?**  
  
The graph below and the chart on the next page show the answer people gave about the extent to which they are satisfied with their lives and what they think would make them happiness.  
  
The graph provide information about stage where they feel satisfied across different age group and show about reasons that make people happy (health and money) along their ages until 75+. Overall, there was an upward trend of satisfied people however it fell in middle age. There is a positive correlation between happiness of health factor and along the ages.  
  
Satisfied stages of male is higher than female in the young age, and both fell in 21-30 years old, at 5,2 after that it fell again to 5,0 in the middle age. However, the age of 41-50 old was the least, but both reached a peak in elder, at 5,6.  
  
The second graph shows there was an upward trend of health need from above ten percent to 45% (15-24 until 65-74), and it peaked in 65-74 years old, and the next stage there was slight decrease at 42 percent. However, in young stage shown that money was the highest reason at 55% but it dropped sharply until 75+.  
  
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***Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organisation. do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?***  
  
Becoming an entrepreneur is a common job which has been chosen by many people instead of being an employee. Even starting a new business has many risks, i believe that the advantages for personal quality often outweigh than its disadvantages.  
  
The disadvantages when starting a new business are the risk which will affect the start-up anytime. The main risk usually comes from the rival who has the similar company attack our business. They have the higher position than ours in the market. Another disadvantage is the fluctuation of market needs. Consumers' needs are always changing by the time. As an entrepreneur, making an innovation regularly will be a big challenge. If you cannot forecast the market and make an innovation, you will not survive in the business world.  
  
On the other hand, there are several important reasons why you have to become an entrepreneur. The main reason is for improving your personal ability. When you start your business, you build your leadership skills. You have to follow your passion so that your ideas will improve your personal quality. Beside that, in entrepreneurship, you will have a flexible time. You can set up your schedule not only yours but also your employees. You will not tie up on the schedule and your personal skill will help you to arrange your time become efficient.  
  
In conclusion, i think there are more advantages when we started to open our own business than the advantages. We can improve our personal quality by learning from the disadvantages which are shown before. We will earn much money with our hard skills and soft skills. People who are scare of many risks that will be caused by start-up business can choose the stable life being an employee of the company.
Hi,  
  
who has the similar company that attack our business  
In this sentence, attack is verb, so it is better to give conjunction.  
  
... rival who has the similar company attack our business  
In this sentence, our is refer to? because there is no explanation about our in the previous sentence  
  
There are good structure and use several transition, but it is better for you to give example to support your idea  
  
good luck :)
**The graph below and the chart on the on the next page show the answers people gave about the extent to which they are satisfied with their lives and what they would make them happiest.**  
  
The graphs provide information about people's average life satisfaction and what might make them happy. It shows the data across different age groups and gender. Overall, male and female stood at different point but from 21 to 70 years, they have similar point which is dipped in 41 to 50 years as the lowest of happiness grade, than increase gradually until 71 years. For young people the main reason of their happiness is have a lot of money, meanwhile for elderly people have a healthy body is the most important.  
  
Start from 15 to 20 years old, male happiness higher at 5,5 point than female in 5,3 point. For the following age, they have similar satisfied of life. It decreases steadily and dip in 41-50 years old at 5,0 point. Then, their average life satisfaction increase sharply until reach a peak at 5,6 point in 61-70 years old.  
  
Main factors that make people happiness are health and money. For young people, they will more happy when they get a large of money, over 50 percent of them feel satisfied for that reason but it decreases gradually until under 10 percent when they get older since for elderly people the most thing that make them happy is a healthy body.  
  
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*What would make you happiest?*
*   
*How satisfied are you with your life?*
Dear, Nuraini. I have some suggestions for you  
  
... but from 21 to 70 years, ~~they have similar point which is dipped [...] gradually until 71 years.~~  
  
**Firstly, introduction does not need any specific data as what's presented above since the detail one is going to be explained on the following paragraph**  
  
.., male happiness **is** higher at 5,5 point than female**'s is** in 5,3 point.  
It decreases steadily and dip**s** in 41-50 years old ~~at~~**to** 5,0 point.  
... satisfaction increase**s** sharply until reach a ...  
  
... make people happ~~iness~~**y** are health and money.  
..., they will ~~more happy~~**happier** when they get a large **amount** of money,  
  
Keep writing. Best regards.
Hi nurainiyusuf16, I'm trying to make some comments  
  
1. ... stood at different point, but from 21 to 70 years ...  
before but use comma to make it different from the first and the second sentence  
  
2. ... similar point which ~~is dipped~~dippeddipped in 41 to 50 years  
It is better to use passive form, is dipped ---> dipped  
  
3. than increase gradually ~~until~~to 71 years  
Verb + to is to show what the data have reached.  
  
Thank you  
Break a leg
hai aini, here are my suggestions for your essay  
  
It shows the data across different age groups and gender.  
**in your sentence, 'it' refers to the graphS. but there are one graph shows about gender. but you used conjunction 'and' that is an unclear sentence i think**  
  
*in overview, you should mention about the trend/the main point. you do not need to mention the data*  
  
... of happiness grade, ~~than~~**then** increase gradually until 71 years.  
  
Then, their average life satisfaction ~~increase~~**increases** sharply until reach ...