dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
@ismigyul you have the right idea regarding the discussion for this essay topic but you have the wrong approach for it. One of the mistakes you made was that your opening paraphrase did not accurately paraphrase the topic, as in simply restating it in your own words, and it also lacks a thesis statement at the end. For some reason, you used the thesis sentence as the topic sentence for your first body paragraph. A more appropriate paraphrase with thesis statement would be similar to:  
  
*As more people move to the city to work, the agricultural landscape has less and less people working in it. Due to this trend, society may tend to experience several problems such as traffic congestion and rising cost of housing. These are problems that the government can solve by taking adequate measures to address the situation. One possible solution is to strengthen the local regulations regarding housing and traffic.*  
  
Since this is a direct response essay, it will be best to offer an outline of the discussion as part of your prompt paraphrase and thesis statement. That way, you not only present a outline of the discussion, but you also offer a overview of what the content of the body of paragraphs will be.  
  
Now, with regards to your body of paragraphs, you are not really discussing the topics that you present in the paragraph. You are only mentioning it without proper reasoning and supporting examples. If you wish to show a stronger defense of your discussion, stick to the one topic per paragraph discussion. Strengthen the discussion with supporting reasons and exemplifications for the single topic you presented alone. That way you can fully present a coherent and cohesive thought process.  
  
Try to expand your concluding summary to at least 3 sentences in every essay that you write. Remember, you need to summarize the body of discussion along with the prompt restatement and your thesis statement at the end. In this instance, your single sentence presentation doesn't really close the essay on a strong note. It feels little to not developed at all in terms of discussion presentation.
## Learning about the past has no value for those of us living in the present.

  
***To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.***  
  
The topic of whether or not learning about the past has value for those of us living at the moment has stirred up much controversy. Some of them believe that there is no value at all. Yet, those who stand on an entirely different ground claim that past events are educational and totally value our lives. Considering the arguments of both sides, I am prone to support that past events do have value.  
  
One very strong argument is that we can learn good things from past people or events. If people in the past did something and it turned out good in the end, we should learn and follow them. Take Chinese old scholars as examples. They have good studying attitude, such as hardworking and patient. Their behaviors are being appreciate by the society at that time and was recorded in historical books. Children nowadays learn about those old masters at school, and take them as role models. In view of this, we can absolutely learn from the past.  
  
What must also be taken into consideration is that we can avoid making the same mistake by learning from the past. When we see someone did something and it is useless or even harmful to others, we should bear in mind not to act like them. A striking illustration of the point will be me studying. In the past. I put too much time in entertainment and paid little attention on my study. As a result, I got low marks on exams and had to redo it again. This past experience gave me a life lesson. I understood that I should use time wisely and concentrate on my academic result. Later, I turned into a hardworking student and managed my time well. With this in mind, I am sure learning from the past is beneficial to our growth, as we learn to change and become a better person.  
  
Learning about the past allows us to learn the good things and avoid doing the same bad things. It is my firm conviction that learning from the past has huge value for us. It is also hoped that people can learn not to be ashamed of past mistake. They should bear in mind that these mistakes are reminder for you to improve and act better in the future.
imchang, , your response to the essay is right on the mark. However, your extent response is not appropriate. You are not being asked about which side you might want to support in your argument. The word "prone" does not indicate an extent of support for a specific topic. Rather, the word prone indicates, by definition, someone likely to or liable to suffer from, do, or experience something, typically something regrettable or unwelcome. So the term you chose to represent your extent response is wrong. From the way I read your body of paragraphs though, I believe that your extent response should have been, "I totally disagree with the given statement for several reasons."  
  
Now, about your body paragraphs. You need to be consistent in your sentence count. Bear in mind that the minimum sentence count is 3 and the maximum sentence count per paragraph is 5. You were consistently over the maximum word count in each paragraph. In such instances, consider starting a new topic paragraph instead of trying to discuss everything in one paragraph. By presenting one topic per paragraph you will increase your chances of scoring better in the C&C and GRA sections.  
  
Save for these observations of mine, you wrote a pretty impressive essay that shows off your English comprehension skills. You fully understood the discussion requirements but floundered a bit in your early presentation and paragraph formatting.
*Although more and more people read newspapers on the Internet, newspapers will remain the most important source of news. Do you agree or disagree?*  
  
## the main source of news

  
  
It is true that there has been an increasing number of people considering the Internet a better place to find information when compared to newspapers. I myself strongly believe that as this trend continues, the Internet will soon be as important as the tradition press.  
  
On the one hand, I agree that newspapers will remain as a vital source of information, and will not be completely overwhelmed by the Internet. Firstly, newspapers have always been the most traditional way of catching up on news, and almost everyone prefers having something to hold on their hands when reading to straining their eyes on screens. Also, as the presses hire professional editors and journalists, newspapers are always more reliable and trustworthy when compares to the articles on the Internet.  
  
However, there is a wide range of reason to believe that the Internet will soon be as popular as newspapers. One main reason is that the Internet always offers people with faster access to regularly updated news when compared to the tradition presses which are published only once or twice per day. Additionally, people can easily share their viewpoints and opinions on ongoing events and ague with others. To illustrate, in recent years, many a person has joined Medium - a forum where members write to share stories that matter them and others are allowed to comment directly on the posts.  
  
In summary, it is absurd to argue that the Internet will never be as popular as newspapers. While newspaper's importance might remain unchanged, the online sources of information will soon be equally important.
@hyperephania this is not an extent essay response so a simple agreement or disagreement will suffice. In addition to that, since this is an "or" essay, you are expected to pick only one side of the discussion to fully defend in your overall presentation. This is not a comparison essay, which would have been indicated by the instruction "discuss both points of view". Unless you see that instruction in the original prompt, the essay discussion is always presented in the singular point of view.  
  
That being said, your essay will be considered only partially correct in response because of the prompt deviation on your part. The deviation is an alteration of your response in reference to the original instructions for the discussion. Since this is singular response essay, you will get a score only for the part that coincides with the sentiment you presented in the thesis statement as part of your prompt paraphrase. Therefore, it is more than likely that you will not receive a passing score for this essay in an actual test.
Hi,  
  
I agree with Holts suggestion on deciding which side you are 'agree' or' disagree' and focus on it.  
Another point in regards to your essay structure is if you start with 'On the one hand' you next para should start with 'On the other hand' for coherence and cohesion. Also, you must avoid using Firstly if you don't have Secondly after that point.  
  
Hope it makes sense. Wish you best for your exam. I am preparing for IELTS exam as well. Happy to receive your suggestion on my threads.
## participating in sports means health

  
  
Nowadays, more and more children get some serious diseases such as diabetes, obesity and so on. Moreover, they are suffering an increasing pressure from studying. Therefore, parents encourage their children to participate in more physical activities because they believe that these activities can help both a physical and a mental health of children be improved significantly. This essay will present several advantages of playing sport games.  
  
The most important benefit is that taking part in sport activities helps children stay a fit and have a good health. When children play sports, a large amount of calories can be burnt; therefore, a great deal of excess fat which is harmful for health is released from their bodies. Meanwhile, they can avoid some dangerous diseases such as diabetes or heart attack.  
  
Besides, playing sports helps children achieve a balance in their lives. Today, they must learn such a lot that they feel tired with huge number of exercises, so some can take great emotional stress. To evade this problem, children should be encouraged to join physical activities because these activities make them feel more relax.  
  
Finally, children's teamwork skills can be dramatically enhanced thanks to participating in sports. For example, when children play in a football match, they have to get on well with their teammates in order to become winners. Sometimes, they have to learn how to stay calm before unfair- play competitors.  
  
In summary, playing sports helps children become healthier, happier and more successful. Therefore, they should be promoted in participating in physical activities.
Hoang, I am not sure if you responded to the original prompt you were provided properly because you did not post the original prompt even though I left notice for you to do so. Therefore, you cannot expect me to deliver a complete and accurate review of your work. I can only review the obvious problems. I will not touch on how you responded to the prompt and how you could have improved your response because you did not want to tell me what the original prompt was for some reason. So you cannot expect complete help from me in this instance.  
  
I believe that you mistakenly began the discussion of reasons for the advantages of playing sports in the opening statement. What you presented, from what I can read, is not an accurate prompt restatement because you were already doing a discussion in that section rather than simply restating the prompt topic, reasons, and discussion instructions. Please remember that the first paragraph is always the prompt restatement and, unless you are writing a direct response essay, you are not to begin the discussion in the first paragraph. The discussion follow in the 3 succeeding paragraphs instead.  
  
You need to learn to better develop your discussion points. Don't limit yourself to 3 sentences per paragraph. Whenever possible, write 5 sentences so that you can better explain your reasoning and provide an appropriate example in the paragraph. The current set up you have displays under developed discussions and a lack of proper information to support your topic sentences.  
  
Aim to be clear in all of your presentations. The following line is quite confusing and will result in a lowering of your GRA score:  
  
Today, they must learn such a lot that they feel tired with huge number of exercises, so some can take great emotional stress  
Are you discussing academic activities or sports activities? You lack a connecting sentence in the paragraph that could have clarified and connected the discussion in a manner that is understandable to the reader. Clarity is key in your presentation because when you are incoherent in your presentation, your C&C score could receive a failing mark.  
  
The conclusion is too short. You need at least 3 sentences to offer a complete paragraph for scoring consideration. The conclusion you presented lacks a second prompt restatement to remind the reader of what the whole point of the discussion is about in relation to the reasoning you presented.
Some people believe that it is more important to teach children the literature of their own country than other countries. Do you ***agree or disagree***?  
  
## **THE LITERATURE AT SCHOOLS**

  
  
People think teaching students the literature of their own country will be better instead of other countries. While I accept that students should be encouraged literature works of their own culture, I also believe that studying foreign literature is equally fundamental.  
  
On the one hand, when students are acquired knowledge about their own culture by learning literature in their school, they are likely to enrich their knowledge and broaden their horizons about culture and tradition in their country. For instance, the folktale of the magic crossbow will help locals improve their patriotism and feel take pride in their culture. In addition, That will help to develope children's patriotism. For example, children are able to learn how to the ancestors went through various challenges to defeat invaders in order to protect their country through Thanh Giong folktale. Young generations are likely to know that they have to try to their best with the aim of contributing to develope their country  
  
On the other hand, I reckon that it is necessary for children to teach literature works of other countries that is equally fundamental. Not only can young generations be acquired knowledge of cultural value, but they also are able to know about traditional of each area in the world. In effect, it is not impossible that children will avoid a myriad of issues related to culture shock when they go to abroad, even work with foreign companies. In addition, if the students know traditional as well as historical heritage of their own country and other nations, they are likely to take problem under consideration according to many/various different aspects. That will help them develope better decision-making as well as problem-solving skills  
  
To sum up, for the reasons mentioned above, I personally believe that It is imperative for young generations to acquire knowledge of culture and traditional both their own countries and even foreign.
Nana, it is evident that you have misunderstood the prompt you were provided for discussion. The prompt instruction is not asking you for a comparison discussion. It is asking for a single opinion discussion based on your agreement or non-agreement with the statement. There is no middle ground in a single opinion essay such as this one. You have to pick one side and defend it. Unless you are allowed to "discuss both points of view" by the original instruction, you should not do so. Let me outline the error in your response below:  
  
Original thesis question: Do you agree or disagree?  
Your Response: I also believe that studying foreign literature is equally fundamental.  
  
The question posed in the original thesis is based upon the discussion topic: Some people believe that it is more important to teach children the literature of their own country than other countries.  
  
Therefore, the appropriate response in your thesis sentence in this instance would have been:  
  
*I do not agree / I disagree with the given statement for several reasons.*  
  
You must always respond to the question using the given response parameters in the original prompt / instruction. When you do not do that, you end up straying from the original discussion point. So if you are asked to agree or disagree, then use one of the two keywords to respond in order to remain on track with your discussion. In this instance, you were not being asked what you believe in, you were being asked if you agreed or disagreed with the given statement. I am sure you can see how you strayed from the original topic for discussion based on your mistaken response.  
  
You are not responding to the prompt at all. Instead, you have created your own topic for discussion which will be considered a prompt deviation in an actual setting. Again, this is a single opinion essay discussion. You neither provided a single opinion nor discussed the prompt based on the given instructions.
**Subject: There are many types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important and should it be preserved or is international music that is heard everywhere nowadays more useful to a society?**  
  
## the healing music

  
  
Music has always been a part of people lives as musical instruments go back to thousands years ago. It represents a part of nations' cultures and a way to enjoy life. More than this, it has become a tool used by psychologists to relieve their patients' pain or to help them improve their personalities. It doesn't matter what type of music a person listens to or where it comes from as long as it is enjoyable and relaxing.  
  
Music plays an important role in our life. It makes people happy and helps them overcome daily life stress. Likewise, music tells about the history and the culture of communities. It is a piece of identity. As an illustration, Listening to Indian music takes you to the colorful streets of India, makes you smell spices and dance like an Indian. Moreover, music is nowadays used as a psychological treatment used by experts to make people outsource negative feelings and improve their performance. For instance, in Neuro linguistic programming, music is a tool to gain self-confidence by invoking a person's achievements and linking them to a song.  
  
Traditional music is a part of culture, however, listening to music shouldn't be under conditions, people have the right to weather listen to their traditional music or to international music that is heard everywhere nowadays. Young people generally prefer music like R&B, rock and roll, or pop, while elderly tend to love traditional music. In my opinion, it doesn't matter what music style we are listening to as long as it provides us nice sensations.  
  
Music is a healing, a relaxing solution saving us from a stressful lifestyle; it is also a therapy and a connection between people. No matter what kind of music it is, traditional or international, music remains a good way to wellness, happiness and joy.
Hanaa, your prompt paraphrase is missing from this essay. Even though this is a direct discussion essay, it is important that you first present the prompt restatement in order to prove that you understood what the discussion is requiring of you. The correct paraphrase for this essay prompt is:  
  
*Due to the many differing styles of music available today, the question as to whether or not we need music has become a point of discussion. More importantly, music listeners are now being asked to determine if traditional music meaningful these days. In addition to that, there is also a question as to whether or not the traditional type of music needs to be protected or if popular music has more relevance in today's society. It is my belief that (pick one side to support)...*  
  
You cannot sit on the fence and say you agree with both sides. That does not answer the question posed at the end of the essay. Remember, the term "or" means you have to pick one. You cannot discuss both because the instructions does not include "both points of view". The lack of decision making skills on your part will result in a tangential response to the essay that will also mean that your essay will only receive a partial score in the TA section of the test.  
  
Your response is really good. It just doesn't properly focus on responding to the questions being asked in the prompt. That is why your response is not fully appropriate for the discussion topic. You responded properly to the question "Why do we need music?" but failed to respond to the analytical choice question regarding traditional and popular music.
## art creators vs scientists

  
  
It is argued that art creators in many sectors are under the spot more than scientists. While I partly agree with this opinion since artists expressing people's values, I still believe that science savvies are popular for their inventions and innovation.  
  
One the one hand, the key reason why artists are getting more focus than scientists is their abilities to express people in different ways. These ways could touch the psychological status of many fans. For example, an article that is written by Oprah Winfrey could be more inspirational for many people who struggle in life than developing a drug the treat a serious disease. Additionally, successful artists could deliver things that for many people are priceless. For instance, a masterpiece painting by Van Gogh is representing the culture and values of a community and no longer monetized.  
  
On the other hand, great scientists with groundbreaking inventions are also popular among people. This is due to their innovation that really changes many people's lives. They always under the public's eye because of their abilities to invent hypothetical forms to many issues and converting them into practical solutions. For example, NASA scientists were able to find a way to operate a fridge using solar power. Consequently, many people on earth get the benefit of this inventions, especially poor areas in Africa where electricity is not an option.  
  
In conclusion, it can be reiterated that artists are utterly popular because of their expressive power that touches people. However, I think that scientists who smartly invent solutions to overcome people's obstacles are also getting the same popularity among people.
MT, I would have to say that you are not clearly restating the original prompt in your first paragraph presentation. The original prompt indicates that you have to compare the contributions of artists and scientists to society. From there you were supposed to opine as to which sector has a contribution that society values more. Therefore, you should have posed a general discussion based on the given premise, with a focus on the field that you believe society does value more. This is a comparative opinion essay based on a personal point of view. There are 3 discussion points for the body paragraphs namely:  
  
1. Art - why is this more valuable to society? Oprah is not an effective example but Van Gogh is.  
2. Science - good sample using the NASA solar fridge.  
3. Personal opinion - totally missing from this discussion. The personal opinion reflects your final choice as to what society values more between the two choices and why.  
  
The personal opinion cannot be inserted as a single sentence in the concluding paragraph. The personal opinion is clearly required as a stand alone paragraph in all IELTS task 2 essay discussions as this is considered part of the 3 body paragraph discussion. It has to be fully developed and explained to the reader just like the other 2 prior considerations.