dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Playing Grand Theft Auto can teach autonomous cars how to drive**  
Source: Timothy Revell (newscientist)  
  
The development of technology takes a major role in automotive. Nowadays, the system in car uses a super high technology computer which can make car drive automatically without any driver or called as autonomous car. But in its development, it has a drawback. The computer is very hard to recognise other cars. As a consequence, recently there was a car accident between Tesla Model S and white truck. At that moment of time, the car failed to distinguish the color of truck against the sky.  
  
The concept of autonomous car has been thought and now adapt the same concept as virtual traffic on Grand Theft Auto V. Google and Uber have some disadvantages in their algorithms, because they use pre-recorded footage of traffic. Moreover the researchers tested an algorithm for GTA V and compared with real-world images. Eventually, The algorithm which uses in GTA V as well as the way to difference the car in the real world. In conclusion, video games such as GTA V can help researchers which want to see the difference of vehicles and its conditions although there is still have a problem in it. It is imperative that driverless car is more safety than someone who drives a car as usual, because there are several accidents in the road cause by human errors.
hello Gigih  
it is a great resume  
let me give you some suggestions  
hope it helps  
  
Nowadays, ~~the system in car uses~~the car system is using~~a super high~~cutting-edge technology computer (...) or called as the autonomous car.  
  
But in **its <<< it is informal try to use "it is"** development, it has a drawback.  
however, in the development process has a drawback  
  
... recently there ~~was~~isbecause you use simple present a car accident between ...  
At that moment ~~of time~~ , the car failed to ...  
  
... autonomous car ~~has~~had been thought and ...  
  
... in their algorithms, it is because they use ...  
  
... see the difference of vehicles and ~~its~~it conditions although there is still have a problem ~~in it~~ .  
... who drives a car as usual~~,~~ because there (...) road causeD by human errors.  
  
good job  
keep writing
**Do schools kill creativity?**  
  
Sir Ken Robinson said that creativity is an important thing in literacy education. He told that if someone who was not prepared to be wrong he never came with anything original. Companies these days stigmatized mistake. National education systems set that mistakes were the worst thing that everybody could make. The result was that educating people were afraid to show their creativities. Every education system hierarchy of subjects and mathematics and languages were on the top of it. He thought that dance was as important as mathematics in education. According to UNESCO, in the next 30 years, more people worldwide will be graduating through education than since the beginning of history. He argued that there were three things about intelligence : Intelligence was diverse, Intelligence was dynamic, and the third was that intelligence was distinct.
National education systems ~~set~~ said that ...  
The result was that ~~educating~~ educated people (...) show their ~~creativities~~ creativeness.  
... hierarchy of subjects ~~and~~ , mathematics and languages ...  
... worldwide will be graduating ~~through education than since the beginning of history~~ compared to 19th ...  
... Intelligence was dynamic, and ~~the third was that~~ intelligence was distinct.  
  
Hope it helps?
**The only way to improve the safety on road is to have stricter punishment for driving offenders.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
The secure road is possible if disciplinary regulations are obeyed by driving offenders. This essay would strongly agree with such an idea as people will aware of these policies and follow them as well as prevent congestion of the road.  
  
When negotiation of strict regulation of traffic is been solemnly decided by government and citizens, the people tend to directly concern in the process of implementing this policy. This reason is the punishment given by the government has a big impact towards them, especially offenders, who feel difficult to follow those rules. This results in the numbers of car accidents being decreased dramatically from 60 to 30% in less than a month according to Australian researches that illustrate how tight regulation of normalization of traffic exert impact to change the way people behave on roads.  
  
Furthermore, the erratic traffic conditions are created if policies already establish. The reason is road users tend to disobey the traffic light to catch up on time to reach destination, which lead to mess of heavy congestion in every corner of the city. This has been scientifically proved through evidences of heavy congestion caused by impatient road users that show over 80% of people will break the traffic rules in developing country, where the regulation has not been yet addressed, while only 25% of road users in modern country broke the regulation.  
  
In summary, public awareness to road policies and manage the congested roads are main reasons to implement the disciplinary rules as soon as possible. It is highly recommended to increase the fines regularly based on increase of offenders of road regulations that are show from number of accidents and duration of congested.
Over last decades, it has been a proliferation of scholars entering the educational institution. They are keen to get new insights which can be implemented in their life, then make life easier. However, the students in school are commanded to obay all teacher's instructions and they are not given a freedom to express what they think. If such trend continued, they will never come up with original idea.  
  
Pablo Picasso said that all children are born as an artist and a parent has a responsibility to remain it. He explained that the essential steps to keep them as an artist is to understand two sorts of intelligence. Firstly, it is a driver. Several children think the world as they experience. It means that they live a life through several approaches are movement, imagination, and sound. In addition, majority of children generate a thought from their brain which interact and transfers an array of information.
Hi Lincoln  
These are a few corrections to finalize your summary. Please, meet and deal with them.  
^\_^  
  
They are keen ~~to get~~ ON GETTING (Pay attention the meaning and collocation) new insights which (...) in their life~~,~~ AND then make life easier. However, the students in THE school are commanded to ~~obay~~ OBEY all teacher's instructions ...  
  
... children are born as an artist,(If there are different subjects, you should put a comma) and a parent ...  
... keep them as an artist ~~is~~ ARE ~~to~~ MAKING THEM (make you sure that what you write is what you mind) understand two ...  
Several children think the world as ~~they~~ THEIR experience.  
... through several approaches;~~are~~ movement, ...  
In addition, A majority of children generateS a thought (...) which interactS and transfers ...  
  
Overall, it is a good job.
hello abraham  
here is my suggestions for you  
hope it helps  
  
... implemented in their life, then makes life easier. However, the students in ~~the~~ school are commanded to ~~obay~~obey all teacher's instructions ...  
... they will never come up with the original idea.  
  
... the essential step~~s~~the essential is singular  
  
... think the world as ~~they~~their experience.  
  
thanks
**Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organization. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?**  
  
It may be hard for some people to build their first business enterprise instead of working as employee in a particular place. Since they think, it needs a lot of materials and necessary things. However, managing company that has been running will make them realize many things that they never think before.  
  
To begin some work such as trading goods or merits trading will be hard for people since it needs a self-endurance and ability to manage their work. People who succeed to build start up but do not have strategy to manage their work and enough mental skills will be getting stress. For example, in the capital city, there is a man who had stressed and had become a beggar after he failed to manage his business and had been fraud. He owed much money in bank and he could not pay it. He did not know what to do next. It means that negligence of mental gives drawback to him.  
  
On the other hand, becoming an entrepreneur will bring many benefits, not only for entrepreneurs themselves, but also for anyone. For instance, I have a friend that had started his business since he was in college. He got monetary asset by joining challenge. After build the education institute, he opened the opportunity to college students for being a tutors and get salary. By developing his own enterprise, he had gone umrah and had brought his special employees too. Now, he can earn much money from that course without sit several hours a day in office. He can enjoy his life while manage his business conveniently. It has proved that set up career by business will bring advantages, include happiness.  
  
All in all, I think starting a business brings many advantages to owners and somebody else. Since become an entrepreneur means people must ready to be a boss who will get much money without someone's pressure and exactly it helps residents. However, to reduce demerits, the beginner should have a strong mental skill and a managerial ability to avoid frustration. 341w
Hi Anna..  
These are my corrections to make yours better. Please, review them  
^\_^  
  
... instead of working as AN employee in a particular place. ~~Since~~ they think~~,~~ THAT it needs a lot ...  
  
However, managing company that has been running ...  
*Anna, focus on the question. You have avoided prompts given in the statement. The question asks you to display whether being an entrepreneur has more advantages than drawbacks. One of the essential points in writing task 2 is task response.*  
  
*Turning to the body paragraph, I have not found answers to the task responses totally. This follows out of the topic. You should explain that if someone becomes the entrepreneur, positive aspects and drawback what they will get. After that, you consider them whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. There is an explanation widely, but your finishing cannot sharp the prompts. Actually, you can write well because you have made a large number of mistakes grammatically. You only need to conduct brainstorming better so that you still review in the edge of the prompts.*  
  
I suggest you read the examples of writing task 2. As many as you read them, you can get the points and sense of essay.  
I believe you have a big opportunity to master this skill  
Keep writing  
GOOD LUCK
Agatha, please consider posting the guidelines for the readmission essay. I am wondering what the prompt's full requirement was and if you are really responding to it in the proper manner. This essay seems to be overly long and doesn't get direct to the point when it is really necessary that you do so. Try to post the full prompt here when you have the time.  
  
In my opinion, you have a better chance of controlling the interest of the reviewer if you would start with the current second paragraph. The first paragraph just sounds like you wrote it for the sake of filling in a word count. That should not be the case. In order to ensure that your essay will be read to the end by the reviewer, you need to make sure that you point out the reasons you were removed from your previous school and then do a counterbalance or explanation regarding the events surrounding that in the same paragraph. When you try to get readmission, you should always concentrate on presenting the facts as to why you were removed and how your personal circumstances have changed for the better since then.
Hello everyone im applying chevening scholarship and i would like to get some advice and feed back about my essay about leaderahip and influence.  
  
Thank you for all your time to help me and correct my essay.  
  
**Chevening is looking for individuals that will be future leaders or influencers ...**  
  
Leadership is one of my favorite subject study and my passion to influence people, challenge me to apply the chevening scholarship. My vision in life to be a great leader in future is a reason to fight in a competition.  
  
Some people think that leadership is a power or ability to lead other people, Koontz and O'Donnell have defined leadership as influencing people to follow the achievement of a common goal. It is the ability to exert interpersonal influence by means of communication towards the achievement of a goal. In my personal statement, leader is an individual to effect the thought, works, and behavior to other people and a decisions maker. Leadership is influencing and motivating other people or group to achieve the goals. There can be no leadership without influence, because influencing is how leaders lead.  
  
My working experience as digital banking manager in bank excercise me to be comunicate to customers also to influence and motivate team for achieve some goals. In advancement of digital technology and banking competition demand banks to always be the best to serve customer and get business profit properly. Sharing ideas from me and from team is very important to perfect the strategies, divide the jobs and maintain the work produces the best result.  
  
In challenges of working for together achievement is not always suitable as we planned, sometimes problems come to push and force us to quit. My role to always be stable in every condition, motivate other and influencing by thoughts and by works. In my opinion a leaders should be a role model to influence other people.  
  
Despite my work in banking industry, never change my passion about public affairs and society. Instead, my work in team excercise me to lead and be influence, From my work i explore my knowledge about banking, economic, services and technology. Moreover my relationship with customers every day, broaden my knowledge not only about people's character but also knowledge in bussines, lifestyles, society and education  
  
I have passion for further study and visions to back in my country or my province to influence people by my knowledge, my work and my ability.
Fatria, the first thing you have to do with this essay is delete the first paragraph. Why are you defining leadership and influence as if you were writing a research paper? referring to the academic definition of leadership and the concept of influence, complete with references doesn't move your essay forward, it only takes away the attention of the reviewer from the important information in your essay. In these types of written work, it is always best to just start with the topic of the prompt in the first paragraph. A flowery introduction is not necessary. This is not a high school paper. This is an academic paper for a masters degree course. Therefore, the reviewer is expecting a higher standard of essay writing from you.  
  
You are blessed to be working in a position of such high responsibility in a bank. That is definitely a position that will easily allow you to portray a conflict on the job that required you to lead and inspire the people under your direct supervision. The fact that you are responsible for a whole department in the bank further strengthens this concept. All you have to do to make the point, is relay information about a memorable problem at the office that you had to resolve by successfully leading and inspiring your team. You already gave an overview of something like that in the essay. What you need to do, is be more specific in your discussion. Present the problem, what your role as the leader was, how you hoped to resolve the issue, why and how you inspired your team members, and finally, what the end result of your leadership and influencing intervention was.  
  
This current essay has a generic, uncertain feel to it. You need to portray your confidence both in person and on paper. Most specially on paper because this is a formal interview for your scholarship. So make sure you do your best to make your talents, assets, and traits as leader stand out on paper. Do this within the first paragraph of the essay if you can so that you can maintain the interest of the reviewer throughout the paper.
The line graph portrays the growing number of population, which is measured in thousands over 60-year period in Columbia, Yamhill, and Washington. Overall, the main fact that stands out is that in all counties experienced an increase in the sum of inhabitants. Moreover, Washington's population rose significantly among two other counties.  
  
To begin with, in 1940, the number of residents in Washington stood at 75,000. Then, it increased gradually to roughly 122,000 by the end of 1970. Subsequently, the population of Washington showed a dramatic growth, which hit a high of around 245,000 people in the end of the period.  
  
Turning to Yamhil and Columbia, both of which experienced a similar pattern from time to time. Firstly, they stood at 30,000 and 25,000 respectively in 1940. Over the following 30 years, Yamhil and Columbia grew slightly to 45,000 and 35,000 and then rose dramatically to 90,000 and 77,000 successively in the timeframe shown.  
  
*
**Hi Miftah.  
I have read your writing closely. In this moment, I am gonna offer a few corrections to finalize yours. Please, you meet my notes and review them.**  
  
... number of population, ~~which is~~ measured in thousands over A 60-year period ...  
... population rose significantly ~~among~~ RATHER THAN two other counties.  
  
**Turning to the body paragraph, you can describe the data well when we only focus on grammar. However, you have to remember that your job in the writing task 1 is comparing figures, not describing them separately. Honestly, you can reach the score, but it cannot help you to reach the score more than 6 because you play safely. You are supposed to have a bravery to compare the figures relating each other. These below are the example sentences to build a paragraph consisting comparisons.**  
  
*Initially, more people preferred to live in Washington. Its population reached at 75 thousand and was by far the highest popultaion. For two other countries, the population numbers stood at a very similar rate at approxiamtely 30 thousand. However, by 2000, there had been a significant change. A gap between the figure for Washington and other countries widened out from 45 to over 150 thousand. Interestingly, Columbia's population rate had fallen back to the level of the 1940 Washington figure, representing at 75 thousand.*  
  
Hopefully, those can help you to get the points of the writing task 1.  
I believe you can master this skill if you wanna practice more and more.  
Keep writing.  
GOOD LUCK :D
Marian Cueto is a Palaeontologist from the University of Cantabria in Spain and his team found an evidence that our relative in La Garma cave in Spain hunted formidable cave lions, and use their pelts as the roof on tent-like huts. The new discovery is a collection of toe bones believed to have belonged to a single cave lion. The team, suspect that the pelt may once have formed the roof of the dwelling.  
  
Previous similar discoveries from Swabian Jura in Germany suggest that hunting a cave lion was a widespread event which has been a minor contribution to their extinction. The team speculated this was a collective or individual activity with ritual purposes. The team is now examining other carnivore fossils such as hyenas, foxes, and bears were skinned in a similar fashion.
**Summary of Do Schools Kill Creativity by Sir Ken Robinson**  
  
There are no people born with creativity in their mother stomach. Pablo Picasso, one of the biggest artist in modern era, is not born with creativity, he grown up with. In some opportunity at TED Talk, education practitioner, Sir Ken Robinson talks about why creativity is being unessential subject in our curriculum. He, moreover, released education syllabus putting linguistic and mathematic are the top of the subject list, on other words, it means pupils should have a standard knowledge to be success in their future. By contrast, humanism and creativity are being the bottom of the priority. School has killing creativity as a major-league subject.  
  
Furthermore, schools thought being wrong is some student mistakes in teaching life. Disagree for this statemen Sir Robinson thought if student afraid being wrong they cannot learn to being original. It is all about capacity and commitment; if schools want to teach their student with depend their intelligent on account of in the fact that every student has different ability intelligence. For simple example that some adolescent clever in art and other in math. Sir Robinson believes in next era we should to adapt new conception of human ecology to take creativity as a major design of our curriculum.
Hi alfa7  
here are my review towards your essay  
  
Pablo Picasso, one of the biggest ~~artist~~artists in modern era,...  
In some ~~opportunity~~opportunities at TED Talk, (an) education practitioner, ...  
... linguistic and mathematic(s) are the top of (...) it means (i think you missed the conjunction here)that pupils should have ...  
... and creativity are being(you can find some collocations / synonym for this word) the bottom of the priority. School has ~~killing~~killed creativity as a ...  
  
Furthermore, schools thought [you should put conjunction here] being wrong is some student(s) mistake~~s~~ in teaching life. [i do not quite understand the meaning of this sentence]  
  
Disagree for this statement**(wrong spelling)**[you should put comma here] Sir Robinson thought if student afraid of[you missed the collocation] being wrong they cannot learn to ~~being~~be[to + Vbi] original.  
  
... teach their student ~~with depend~~depend on[collocation for ~~depend~~ is *on* ] their intelligent on ...  
... that some adolescent(s) clever in art and other(s) in math. Sir Robinson believes in **(the)** next era we should ~~to~~ adapt new ~~conception~~ concept of human ...  
  
suggestion :  
mr alfa7 you should watch you SVA, and basic grammar to improve your essay  
i hope it will make your essay better.  
good luck :)
Dear friend  
You wrote: ... with creativity in their mother stomach.  
  
Revise: ''in their mothers' stomach''.  
  
You wrote: ... knowledge to be success in their future.  
  
You need a plural form when there is more than one future. Revise: ''futures''  
  
You wrote: ... in next era we should to adapt new conception ...  
  
Don't put 'to' between "should" and "adapt". Did you mean ''we should adapt''?