dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
There is a slight misdirection in your discussion presentation. The examiner will expect to read a 5 paragraph essay composed of an accurate paraphrase, 2 public point of view discussions (one paragraph each), and then, and only then, will the personal opinion be presented. This essay is an under developed explanation that focuses on only 2 of the 3 discussion instructions. So you will scored based on a tangential response with an incorrect format. The possible score for such an essay, with the inclusion of other errors, will definitely pull you back from receiving a minimum 5 band score.  
  
Your discussion paragraphs do not follow the suggested topic for discussion as provided in the original prompt. The suggested discussion topics, for the public point of view are:  
  
*- ...students should study whatever they like.  
- ...they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology.*  
  
Based on the way that you will be discussing these 2 public points of view, you should be able to formulate your personal opinion. Never formulate the opinion in the opening statement. It is not required nor asked for in the original discussion. Remember the clear instruction for the discussion is:  
  
*Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.*  
  
So the paragraph formatting is clear:  
  
Par. 2 - Study whatever they like  
Par. 3: - study future useful subjects  
Par. 4: Personal opinion based on which public point of view you choose to support  
  
The discussion topics and the presentation of the discussion in the essay can always be found in the original discussion prompt. Follow the instructions, suggested topics, and outline at all times to have a chance at a better score in the end.
***Prompt : Most medical doctors want to work in cities where they will make a lot of money. Yet in many rural areas there are not enough doctors.*  
  
## What are the reasons for this problem? How can it be solved?**  
  
The vast majority of medical graduates want to be employed in surburban areas ,but reality strikes that the force of doctors in rural areas is woefully inadequate .I can come up with reasons why this circumstance take place and the antidote to this hurdle.  
  
Normally , an undergradute must undergo seven-year training in practice and 3 or 4 years as a junior doctor before becoming a full-fledged one. It is a prerequisite that you need a solid financial backing to pursue your dreams, but this is not the case for most of the would-be doctors.It is reasonable to understand that they want to earn money quickly to pay student loans and enjoy lives  
  
It is common knowledge that everyone gravitates towards conspicious consumerism due to the fact that we live in a capitalistic world . However when we are torn bewteen morality and responsibility .We usually are in a dillemma about prioritizing materialism above societal proprieties or the contrast , especially in unquestionably moral field like being doctors. I put forward some suggestions that can alleviate this conered situation.First and foremost , the government should increase salary for doctors who work in remote areas because the most glaring reason for the insuffiiency is money. The government need to deal with this problem with delicay , they can raise tax to increase salary for doctors but the poor cant even make ends meet .They shouldn't compromise a respectable sector for a less deserving one.  
  
This raises a sense of discontent surrounding the mass in any countries. They can enact a law that people with income over 200k dollars should pay more than 30% of their salaries for government .In my view this is the best solution I can come up with until now.
You were being asked to present at least 2 reasons in this essay. The reasons have to be 2 different reasons. You presented only one reason in this essay, the financial aspect. Which means, you did not fully utilize the opportunity to show your analytical thinking and ability to come up with creative responses to the given prompt. So this would have been a 3 reasoning paragraph essay instead of a 2 reasoning paragraph essay. The reasoning paragraphs should have indicated:  
  
Par. 2: First reason (financial)  
Par. 3: Second reason ( urban lifestyle of a medical doctor)  
Par. 4: 2 common solutions for the 2 reasons previously stated.  
  
You presented an incomplete solution because you only presented one solution to the common problem. 2 problems = 2 related solutions. The solutions cannot be presented as the concluding paragraph either. The concluding paragraph should be a formal summary of the previous discussion. It should serve as a wrap-up and reminder of what the previous discussion is.  
  
Now, I know that there are also grammatical errors to look into within your work. However, the focus of my review is on the content because that will be the first thing that the examiner will score when he reads your work. That is the part that can pass or fail you during the actual test.
## every kind of music has its own value

  
  
In this economically developed world, a lot of industries have appear to meet people's needs. One of them is music industry which is indispensable in our modern life. In this essay, we are going to study why music is necessary and if the traditional one is more vital than the international one.  
  
As for the need of music, people listen to it so as to relax or entertain themselves after a hard-working period of time. It is obvious that the rhythm and soundtrack of a song can dramatically affect peoples feeling due to its ability to cheer them up or even make them cry. Moreover, songs are usually said to be able to give out messages of the composer or singer. They can get approach to listener far more easier than a boring presentation. For example, an album called "Love yourself" has been released by a well-known Korean boy band which tells people not only to live the way they like but also to follow their dreams.  
  
Furthermore, I do not reckon that traditional music is more crucial than the international one. It is because of their totally different characteristics. While a country's music reveals the culture, the uniqueness like costumes and festivals; worldwide music brings people closer by providing them something in common.  
  
In a nutshell, due to the ability to entertain people and spread messages, music is extremely necessary in today's life and every kind of music has its own value.  
  
Thanks for reading.
You need to fix some grammar, article and preposition mistakes: "have appeared"; "one of them is the music industry"; "All the need ~~of~~ for music"; "~~more~~ easier"; " necessary ~~in~~ for today's life"  
  
I'm not an expert writer but I think fixing these mistake will help you gain a higher score. Furthermore, your idea is good and easy to understand but you need to extend it a little bit more because the ielts task 2 require at least 250 words. Thanks for reading my feedback.
It will be difficult for me to review your essay properly because the writing you have done does not meet the minimum word requirement. You only wrote 243 words out of the minimum 250. As there will be points deductions for being under the minimum word count, I feel that it would not be fair of me to review your work based on this obviously short essay. It does not reflect your actual LR, GRA, and C&C abilities. What I can do though is give you an idea of how you can meet the word requirement next time you write a practice test.  
  
Since there were direct questions asked in the original prompt. You should over a direct response to each question in the first paragraph. There are two reasons for this format of response. The first reason, is that you will be able to give the examiner an outline of the upcoming discussion paragraphs. The second, is that you will have a constant reminder of what topics you are supposed to discuss in the discussion paragraphs. Finally, it helps to show the examiner early on that you have a good level of English comprehension skills that allow you to analyze how the essay is to be formatted in the overall presentation.  
  
You need to properly develop each paragraph discussion. Use no more than 5 sentences to explain your opinion. The 5 sentence rule per paragraph is what ensures you will write at least 250 words. Don't focus on developing only one paragraph. It needs to be a balanced discussion because you will be scored on the relevance and full development of your explanations per paragraph under the C&C and GRA sections.
## children's life was different in the past

  
  
In many parts of the world, children's lives were very different from today. What do you think were the advantages and disadvantages of life for children in the past?  
  
The lives of childs in today's society are changing so much comparing in the past because the world has changed. In the past, there were both advantages and disadvantages of children's living standards.  
  
There were a number of benefits of living in the past for the children. Firstly, they were probably happier than today because they had a simple life and they did not suffer stress from their parents for the scores in School. Secondly, they had more time with friends and families. They could learn life skills from their siblings when they played together. In addition, the kids exposed to the natural environment very soon therefore, they seemed to close to nature.  
  
However, in my view, the children's lives in the past also had several important disadvantages. The living standard of the kids was affected by war and poverty. There were a lot of children who could not go to the school, which were the reason for illiteracy. They even did not have enough food so they had to work to earn money very soon. Child abuse situations were found in many companies in the past. The parents could not take care of each child and gave them the best living condition.  
  
All in all, I believe that the disadvantages of children's lives in the past were greater than the advantages. The children's way of life in the past was happier but they were not always able to get big benefits from it because the world of children today has many differences.
Try to write a more creative prompt paraphrase. Aim to write 3 sentences in that section so that you can gain a better TA score. One way of writing the restatement in a creative manner is:  
  
*The world has continued to evolve and change the way that children have led their lives over time. There were definitely advantages and disadvantages of being a child during the past century. Advantages include more physical interaction among children during playtime, leading to well built friendships. However, a disadvantage to the physical playtime is that the children tended to unintentionally hurt one another when playing, which usually ended childhood friendships.*  
  
From that point, you could have gone on to use the 2 allotted reasoning paragraphs to discuss the singular advantage and disadvantage reasons. Hence creating a cohesive and coherent reasoning discussion. Outlining your discussion topics will allow you prepare the examiner for the upcoming topics, and also show that you plan to develop a connected discussion throughout the essay, which will be good for the C&C scoring portion.  
  
Notice the advantage and disadvantage presentation I made in the outline. It is clear that 2 related advantages were to be discussed and 2 disadvantages, still related to the original advantages, were going to be the last of the discussion presentation. That is the proper format for the essay.  
  
Good work on using the first person pronouns in the essay. You used just enough to improve your GRA score. Basically, your essay content would have been good if you had just created a more connected discussion between the 2 paragraphs. Your current presentation only gives reasons and ideas, but lacks in justification through a properly developed paragraph discussion. That, is the main weakness of the essay. You need to properly develop your presentations. Don't just keep presenting ideas, trying to pass those off as discussions. The examiner knows how to differentiate between a developed discussion and an idea presentation. You mostly did the latter in this essay.
Last month, I had the worst experience ever with a speciality Thailand cuisine which was called Thai hot pot. I had it while I was visiting a Thai food festival. Hearing that it is one of the most delicious dishes in Thai Lan because of its mildly spicy and a bit of sour flavour combined with nutrition beef meat, but contrary to what I expected, the broth tasted immensely spicy and sour. Miserably, it hurt my tongue badly and made me shed tears. It was the worst experience I ever had. And I would never try Thai hot pot again. If I had gone back time, I would have chosen other dishes.  
  
I'm practicing for the Ielts speaking test, please help me!  
  
Thanks for reading.
For starters, Thailand is the name of the country. The cuisine is not called Thailand cuisine, it is called "Thai cuisine". Remember, it is Thailand, pronounce the D at the end. Do not say "Thai Lan". That is an incorrect reference to the country. It is one word, not two words. Do not pause when saying the name of the country. Nutrition is the science or study that deals with food and nourishment, especially in humans. You meant to say nutritious, which describes food containing or contributing nutriment or nourishment. You still have to use the right vocabulary during the speaking test. Be careful misused words will get you points deductions. You don't have to say miserably. Just describe how your tongue felt. Miserably is a misplaced word in the sentence. Just like in the written test, don't start a sentence with "and", which is a connecting word. Just directly say that you would never eat that dish again.  
  
Your English grammar is far from perfect. The same for your vocabulary. However, you have created an oral presentation that the examiner can still understand without too much stress. So I believe you will have points deductions but probably get close to a passing score. The errors are just a little on the heavy side, as far as I am concerned, to allow you to get a passing score.
## the economic situation of the family has a decisive impact on children's development

  
  
**Prompt: Children who grow up in families which are short of money are better prepared with the problems of adult life than children who are brought up by wealthy parent. To what extend do you agree or disagree.**  
  
It is no doubt that the economic family status plays a tremendous role in teenager's development. Some people reckon that children who grow up in underprivileged family can easily tackle adult problems than others who mature in well-off family. From my point of view, I do agree with this statement.  
  
On the one hand, a child brought up in impoverished condition will be likely to solve the adult problems with less difficulty. Initially, in terms of financial problem, a child of poor family can fully acknowledge the value of money as he or she has to live a life with barest minimum and as a result, they find it quite easy to overcome financial challenges when they become adult. In contrast, the children in wealthy families are born with silver in their mouth and they may be completely ignorant of the value of money as they are fully provided with everything when they were young and they may expect the same situation in adulthood. Moreover, a poor youngster suffered from fluctuation can gain a multitude of experience, then they can learn from it and become more confident when facing the same trouble in the future.  
  
On the other hand, children born in prosperous condition are better prepared with adult problems. Firstly, wealthy parents may pay more money for their sons or daughters to attend life skill classes, which is a luxury thing with needy families. As those kids can be exposed to practical situations that they may have to face when become adult, they may have the experience to deal with it in reality. In addition, when considering the field related to money, a wealthy child can be well trained by a parent who himself has a wide knowledge of it. Such parents themselves know financial management better and can pass on those skills to their next generation.  
  
To conclude, the economic situation of the family has a decisive impact on children's development. I do still believe that a child in poor family will be better prepared with adult trouble when compared to the child born in wealthy family.
You cannot simply say "I do agree" in an extent essay. You need to give a measurement with the agreement. Measurement words include strongly, fully, wholly, greatly, and totally, to name but a few measurement words you could use in reference to the extent requirement. Aside from that problem though, there is a much bigger one existing in the essay. You have a contradiction of opinions in the presentation. Note the following differences that will result in a confusing presentation and tell the examiner that you were undecided about how to really respond to the essay.  
  
Question Response: ... children who grow up in underprivileged ... in well-off family. I do agree with this statement.  
Par. 2: a child brought up in impoverished condition will be likely to solve the adult problems with less difficulty  
Par. 3: children born in prosperous condition are better prepared with adult problems  
  
You first said that the poor kids are better prepared for adulthood. Then you also said the rich kids can better deal with adult problems. So, which is your real response? There is a sense of your essay not really responding to the question posed with proper justifications. Additionally, you turned a straightforward single opinion essay into a compare and contrast essay, which was not the original discussion instruction. So you can see why this essay will have a difficult time achieving a passing score. You did not respond properly to the question. You did not properly justify your response, and you have several grammatical issues with your presentation as well. All of which will combine to prevent you from passing this test.
I am not sure what type of essay you are writing. Is this a research paper, an opinion paper, a personal statement, what? You are not being very clear with your writing. You need to present a thesis statement at the start of this presentation to give the reader a better idea of what this paper is about and what issues it will be tackling. Avoid using actual names or representations in your paper. Since you are not properly referring to these names, dates, and newspaper sources with proper in-text citations, your paper is not going to be considered as valid. The references you present need to be properly referred to, in the correct writing format, within the paper. Otherwise the professor will not take this paper to be an academically researched piece of writing.  
  
The paper is choc full of incorrect English grammar The errors that abound are so much that I will be unable to do the proper corrections in this posting without actually rewriting the whole paper. You should seek professional help with regards to the overall presentation and editing of your paper. It is informative, it just lacks proper formatting and additional information regarding the background, history,and relevance of Schoolies. Not all the readers will be familiar with it so you need to always write a backgrounder along with the thesis statement.
## traditional foods and food-making methods slowly disappearing?

  
  
It is a common belief that traditional foods and traditional food-making methods will be substituted by convenience foods which are becoming more and more popular. However, I disagree with this opinion and firmly believe that traditional cuisine will not be replaced due to the cheap expense and healthy values as well as its important role in a nation's culture.  
  
To begin with, although convenience foods require less amount of time in preparation, they are more expensive per serving and less healthy than home-made food. These kinds of food often contain more salt, more sugar and trans-fat which are harmful to our health if we consume too much. Traditional foods may take more time to prepare, but they are much healthier due to various types of food which are rich in vitamins and other essential nutritions. For instance, instead of buying instant noodles or processed foods for a week, you can cook for yourself a delicious meal containing diverse kinds of food that you can eat for 3-4 days with much cheaper expense.  
  
Moreover, traditional methods of food preparation play a crucial role in a nation's culture that no convenience foods can replace. Preserving traditional ways of preparing food can also preserve parts of a culture. Traditional cuisine differentiates a country from others, makes that country distinctive as well as attracts visitors to travel there to enjoy. For example, Vietnamese cuisine, especially Vietnamese traditional street foods are now becoming a cultural attraction and help this country gain more and more tourists every year.  
  
In conclusion, traditional foods and traditional food-making methods are still vital because of their nutritious values and cultural importance. For these reasons, I believe that traditional cuisine will not be substituted despite the increasing utility of convenience foods.
Good discussion. However, you forgot that this is an extent essay. As such, you cannot simply say "I disagree". You have to indicate a degree or an emotion to connote your measured response to the question. Possible responses to the question, based on your above response are:  
  
- I firmly disagree  
- I wholly disagree  
- I totally disagree  
- I strongly disagree  
  
The essay would have been better discussed if you discussed the traditional aspect before the fast food aspect. It would have been better to switch around the presentation because the food tradition of a country is normally the first consideration of someone in relation to the traditional v. fast food discussion. That is not to say that your essay was bad, it was actually good. Like I said, I would have only presented it in a different manner. Don't worry though, there are no right or wrong presentations. As long as your discussion is applicable, the examiner will fairly score your essay.  
  
Your opening paraphrase and concluding paraphrase are both run-on sentences. Remember, you need to keep every sentence clear and on topic. Always separate the presentation using periods. Keep it short. If one sentence runs into more than half of the second line, it is or is turning into a run on sentence.