dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## the popularity of four types attractions among canadians

  
  
Hello everyone  
I appreciate your feedback and answers  
  
In this essay, I tried to write a paragraph for each groups like bellow:  
  
Paragraph 1: Introduction and overview  
Paragraph 2: Born in Canada  
Paragraph 3: New migrants born in English-speaking countries  
Paragraph 4: New migrants born in other countries  
  
Do you think the way I grouped them is a good idea please?  
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The bar chart illustrates three groups' of people favorite places which are Cinema, theater library and zoo. Overall, all the three groups of people prefer visiting library more than the other three places, while they all like visiting the theater the least. The numbers are given in percentages.  
  
Native Canadian's favorite place is cinema where %70 of them visited, while the least place the want to visit is theater which comprises 20%. After them come zoo and library that takes almost 42% and nearly 38$ respectively.  
  
New English-speaking migrant's favorite place is the cinema that covers 50%, in contrast, only about 28% of them want to spend time in the theater. When it comes to the library and the zoo, the percentage is 40 and 50 in succession.  
  
Non-English-speaking migrants would like to head to the library more than anywhere else which can be seen in the large percentage of about %55, while merely 10% go to the theater. In addition to that, 50% of them like the cinemas, and approximately 30% of their visits is directed to the zoos.  
  
**180 words**  
  
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Hello, although I am an student and I don't have a lot of professional knowledge, but, I will tell you about something in my thought when I read your essay. I won't comment on the language aspect because I think that part an English teacher help you is better. The first thing is your overall, there is some midunderstanding here because as I can see from the graph, Cinema was the palce that people love to visit most, not the library. The second thing is your idea structure. I think the way you analysised the diagram quite simple. In that way, you can not show the comparision between three group of people. I suggest you should devide the body of your essay into two graphh, one describe the figures for cinema and library, the other graph for the theater and zoo.  
  
Thank you for reading my comment. Hope we can improve our English and get a high Ielts band score
There is no definitive way of representing the illustration. The graphs are meant to be presented based on the understanding of the writer. That means, there is no one way of grouping and presenting the information. It all depends upon how you understand the information provided and how you wish to present it. Do not worry about the groupings and how the data is presented.  
  
The important aspect of Task 1 is to make sure that you present all of the data from the drawing and, that you clearly understood the point of the graph. Groupings and presentations are dependent upon how you are comfortable representing the information. I do not see anything wrong with the way that you grouped the graph. That is how you wanted to present it and that is how the examiner will grade it.  
  
Worry instead about your LR, C&C and GRA presentations. Those are the most critical aspects of scoring, not the grouping of the presentation. As long as you can prove that you can present a comprehensive and understandable summary of the provided information, you will be fine. Don't sweat the small stuff.  
  
Try to write at least 3 sentences per paragraph so that your essay can be scored overall based on a 200 word count. That is the best way to maximize the overall scoring potential of your presentation.
***It is right that university graduates should earn more money than less well educated people, but they should pay the full cost of their education.*  
  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
When university graduates enter the job market, they expect to be paid more money on average than less educated people. While I believe that graduates deserve good salaries, I disagree with the idea that they should pay the full tuition for their degree courses.  
  
In my opinion, the level of education is the most important contributing factor to the amount of money people earn at work. Educated people have invested time and effort into gaining their qualifications, and are therefore more prepared for work that relies chiefly on knowledge. More importantly, university students develop qualities that will go beyond their specialized knowledge. For example, better educated people are mentally and physically healthier, and they tend to be more productive with better interpersonal skills than those without formal education, making them great assets to the society as whole. I believe that these qualifications will certainly benefit the prospective employers both inside and outside work context.  
  
I would also argue that students should not pay all the cost of university education. Education will be expensive and many young people, especially those from poorer backgrounds, might find it more difficult to go to university if they have to pay. I doubt that student loans could help to overcome this problem, because many students might not like the idea of graduating and having to worry about repaying large loans. Graduates clearly directly receive many benefits form having a university education, higher income being one of them. This means that they will almost certainly pay more income taxes than non-graduates, contributing more to the education of the next generation.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that government should lower the cost of education for all people, and that graduates deserve higher rates of remuneration.  
(287 words)
Being a degree discussion essay, your paraphrase will be seen as lacking in addressing the task requirement. You cannot simply disagree with the presentation. You must present a measurement of that disagreement. The measure could be strongly, partially, totally, wholly, agree in part, etc. Remember, you cannot present a balanced discussion because the essay is asking you to discuss a strong opinion based on the degree and/or strengths of the perceived merits of your opinion.In this case, you could have said "I totally disagree..."  
  
Now, while your essay is on point with the second paragraph, the third paragraph created a prompt deviation because you said : *I would also argue that students should not pay all the cost of university education.*  
  
The prompt never asked for your opinion regarding the cost of university education. Therefore, your paragraph has a misdirected discussion topic. This will cost you in terms of TA considerations, definitely lowering your TA score in the process. Stick to the given topic. Do not make additional discussions unrelated to the question posed. While you may have thought you were helping your essay by expanding on the discussion topic, you actually hurt your chances of getting a better score by discussing an unrelated subject.
## the petroleum production and consumption among 7 regions in 2002

  
  
The bar chart makes comparison on how much the petroleum was produced and consumed in 7 areas in the year of 2002 In general, what stands out from the bar chart is that europe held the highest and far place ahead of the others about the consumption. While middle east was the region producing the most petroleum in 2002. australia and asia had the same quantity of petroleum production, over 4 million barrels per day, which was the lowest number. The petroleum production barrels of latin america, africa, U.S were from 10 down. europe produced about 18 million barrels, which was 1 million barrels than the highest one. In 2002, europe had a significant petroleum consumption with approximately 25 million barrels in a day. Compared to europe, the number of petroleum consumption of middle east and africa were as over one fifth. australia, latin america, and asia were three regions using the least petroleum, their quantity were around 8, 7 and 11 million barrels respectively.
I cannot comment on your representation of the information from the bar chart since you forgot to upload the image. Please remember to include the image the next time you ask us to review your work. It is vital that we have a comparison point between the image and written text. What I can do, is offer you a general review of your work.  
  
It appears that you were severely careless with your writing, You did not pay attention to proper paragraph formatting on the screen, which made this report difficult to read. You also did not care to spellcheck your work, with 14 errors in the presentation, mostly relating to capitalization. You failed to capitalize the written name of countries in the essay (Europe, Asia, Australia, etc.) These repeated errors will result in severe LR deductions.  
  
You also have a subject - verb disagreement in the essay. You used "their quantity were" instead of "their quantity was". Additionally, you forgot that when you use adverbials, you should use a comma directly after (.g. 7 and 11 million barrels , respectively).
***Full topic:*  
## The range of technology available to people is increasing the gap between the rich and the poor.

  
*Others think it has an opposite effect. Discuss both views and give your opinions.***  
  
In this modern and age, the fast-moving of technology had created some changes in human society. Many people believed that the distance between the rich and the poor is enlarging due to development of technology, whereas, others think technology contributes positive effects to social gap. This essay will discuss both views and I agree that technology developments help decrease the gap between social classes.  
  
On the one hand, it is totally nonsense to assert that technological advancement is partly the reason of increasing rich and poor discrimination. For example, some flagship products and services such as medicine or entertainment services are only affordable for those with high income. The poorer cannot pay that amount to receive the equivalent service. Particularly, in pharmacy area, few advanced technology products normally are more expensive than the others, hence, there are shortage of conditions for poor people to obtain those services if they get the similar diseases as the affluent ones.  
  
On the other hand, technological developments reap enormous benefits for bridging closely the gap between wealth and poverty. Since the presenting of Internet, a number of viral videos are shared online to encourage support for the disadvantaged individual and families, thus, thanks to this development, the benefactors readily join hand and assist to those people overcoming the difficulties. Moreover, before applying technological innovations, Viet Nam was still a poor country, however, after improving as well as advancing the technology and science, Viet Nam became one of the most potential countries in Asia for investigation, also the distance among affluent and impoverished country is narrowed. Last but not least, the more improving technology is, the more price for exclusive products is dropped, which provides the uniformity for both social classes.  
  
In conclusion, while the debate about the effects of technology on the social gap is unremitting, I firmly believed that the range of technology innovations helps to decrease the gap between the rich and the poor.
The essay prompt requires the following format for your response:  
- Paraphrase (without your personal opinion)  
- Public POV 1  
- Public POV 2  
- Personal Opinion  
- Conclusion (Reverse Paraphrase)  
  
Your essay does not define the public point of view in your body of paragraphs. Neither does it thresh out your personal opinion at the end. Therefore, the essay, due to improper wording of the body of paragraphs, ended up discussing a representation of your personal point of view alone. You failed to properly represent the TA section in this aspect so you will definitely get a lower score based on the criteria for that section. There are deviations from the prompt based on technology when you refer to fields such as Pharmacy. You also do not fully develop your discussion points in the paragraphs. You do not explain your reasons, you just keep giving reasons. In order to write an effective paragraph the following format must be applied:  
  
- Topic sentence  
- Reason  
- Supporting information 1  
- Supporting information 2 (optional)  
- Transition sentence  
  
Proper references to the public point of view must be made in the topic sentence. An example of this reference is; "The affluent sector of society believes that... While those who do not have the same resources are convinced that..."  
  
This essay represents a confused way of discussing the given prompt. It will get scored based on a partial response to the prompt rather than a total explanation of the task provided.
Well, in your introduction, I think you mean the fast-moving of technology has created ? Anyway, come to your essay, I can understand your structure and your personal viewpoint. However, I do not understand one thing. In your paragraph 2, you wrote: it is totally nonsense to assert that technological advancement is partly the reason of increasing rich and poor discrimination. So I understand that in this paragraph, you illustrate technological development do not increase the gap between the rich and poor. And in your next paragraph, you explained the way technology decrease the gap between these people. Therefore, I did not see anything writing about why people believe technology increase the gap ?? Please remember that this is the discuss both views essay, so you should describe both view and tell us your opinion instead of giving reasons to support your viewpoint.
## Yemen and Italy

  
  
**The charts below give information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
The four pie charts compare the proportion of three age group between two countries Yemen and Italy in the year 2000 and show the forecast in both countries 50 years later. In general, Yemen and Italy have a large number of people in the middle age and they were predicted to undergo a significant change.  
  
It can easily seen from the graph that, in 2000, Yemen and Italy witnessed the golden population rate, because they both had high percentage of people in the working age group ( the 15-59 years group), with nearly a half for the former and up to 61.1 % for the latter. Considering to the number of the elderly group, Italy number was far higher than Yemen's. While the figure for Italy was almost a quarter, 24.1%, that of Yemen just reached 3.6%. The youngest group, age group from 0 to 14 years old, was the group that accounted for the largest proportion in Yemen, over a half when there was 14.3% of the Italian in that age group.  
  
The 2 other pie chart provide the prediction on the rate of age group of two countries 50 years later. Yemen middle age group' rate was expected to rise dramatically, from 46.3 % in 2000 to 57.3 % in 2050.In contrast, Italy number was forecasted to decrease by 15.4%, to 46.2% in the year of 2050. The elderly group of Yemen was projected to continue to remain in the lowest rate of the country, 5.7%, while Italy number will have increased quickly to just above two fifth. In 2050, it was predicted that the working age group will become the biggest group in Yemen, with the projected number is 57.3%. Middle age group figure was also projected to account for the largest proportion in the Italian population, up to 46.2 %.  
  
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Thank you for comment on my essay  
  
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Well, first of all, I think you need to reduce the length of your essay as the point in Task 1 just about one third of the point in full Writing test. You should write to the maximum of 250 words or you don't have time in Task II. Second, I really like the way you express your ideas and make comparisons between two countries, not just listing the data. However, you should use more language of fractions and percentages and decrease the data (I think it is too much) . (two fifth -> two fifths)
When you have an image that refers to specific dates, you must mention the specific dates even if you change the presentation by saying "50 years later." It should be " 50 years later, in the year 2050" That is because Task 1 is all about being presenting the specific information from the report. Fractions, assumptions, creative descriptions, these are all acceptable in the essay, provided the specifics are not neglected and continue to be specifically presented in the report. That is what the TA criteria expects the writer to present and that is what is what should be included int he report. In fact, you can forgo the creative and flowery language in exchange for specifics, which will show a better understanding of the given information in relation to the report requirement.  
  
Your trending statement is incomplete as it should show that the trend is based on the comparison of growth between the two countries over the same period of time, not just the development of one country.The trend for both countries must be presented in the report as it is in the chart.  
  
Focus on providing mo more than 200 words for this essay. You will run out of time to proof read your work before submission. You will also cut into the allotted time for the task 2 essay. This is the reason why I said you should avoid the flowery presentation and just be factual in your report. Keep it short but informative, precise but not exaggerated. No more than 200 words will be required for the complete discussion of this task. In this case, you over discussed your presentation.
## various food products and their price index

  
  
Hello every one  
This is the first time I do this type of line graph that compares the items with price index. I hope you can tell me whether I have created a correct link between the foods and the price index.  
  
The line graph illustrates how the price of fresh fruits and vegetable, sugar and sweets and carbonated drinks changes from 1979 to 2009. Overall, the price of all the tree foods changed over the period, but fresh fruits and vegetables' value is remarkable.  
  
In 1979, the prices of fresh fruits and vegetable, sugar and sweets and carbonated drinks were around 65. From the beginning of the period to 1981 all the foods showed a steady rise and got stuck in around 80. From 1981 on, both sugar and sweets and carbonated drinks experienced some fluctuations by being higher and lower than 100 and then it followed by a constant rise the rest of the time to be almost 200 and 2010 by 2009.  
  
Fresh fruits and vegetables price underwent a calm growth from the beginning of the period to 1983. From 1983 to 2009 it experienced some ups and downs but  
  
continued climbing and stopped at nearly 335 in 2009 which is the highest among all the three types of food.  
  
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Try to vary your sentence presentation by adding time measurement references. For example, instead of simply saying "from 1979-2009", one could instead say "representing 3 decades from 1979 up to 2009". Adding a little complexity to the sentence and showing a competency in using more advanced English language (in reference to time frames) can easily boost your LR and GRA scores. There is also an incomplete thought presentation in the trending statement of the first paragraph. What was remarkable about the figures presented? 65 what? Value representations are important to your TA and GRA scores. Oversights such as those could adversely affect your TA score in the actual setting. Please post the instruction discussions for your essay next time. It is difficult to give you a full review of your work without it.
## the most popular activities in two countries

  
  
**Topic: The graph below shows information about the activities that Australian and New Zealand children enjoy doing the most in 2007.**  
  
The bar graph displays data about the favourite recreational pursuit of children in two nations in 2007. Overall, young Australians were more likely to do outdoor activities, whereas New Zealanders were more involved in indoor activities.  
  
For Australian youths, the most popular activity was playing sports, which accounted for 28%. Next, a quarter of Australians enjoyed visiting parks. The third most popular leisure pursuits were video games and watching DVDs, which both attracted about 15 per cent. The least popular activities were reading books, and art and craft, which accounted for about 10% and 7%, respectively.  
  
Turning to the young New Zealanders, the highest proportion of young people enjoyed doing art and craft, which accounted for 25 % of them. This was followed by reading books and watching DVDs, which each accounted for roughly 17%. The proportion who played video games was only 15 per cent. The least popular were trips to the park and playing sports at 13%.  
  
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The presentation is more than acceptable. You totally represented every piece of information in the graph that showed how you analyzed the information for each country, sector, and representation. However, you need to be consistent with the way that you display the information. When the graph line does not fall on a specific number, always use uncertainty when representing the figure. A "guesstimate" is just that, a close approximation of the required information. You did that a few times, here and there, within the essay. What you need to do is be consistent in the presentation of such information. In certain instances, a show of uncertainty through the use of various descriptions can help with the cohesiveness and coherence score, as well as the GRA presentation of the essay. Overall, I believe you did a well enough job to not get a very low score on the test. Word of advice though, try to write at least 200 words for the essay to further help boost the GRA and LR scores in the final consideration.
## the bart chart presentation

  
  
The chart below shows the proportions of the world's oil resources held in different areas, together with the proportions consumed annually in the same areas.  
  
The bar chart compares different regions around the world in terms of oil resources and average consumption each year.  
  
It is evident that oil resources and comsumption vary widely worldwide with Middle East possessing the majority of oil resource while most of oil consumed in US and Asia. By contrast, Australia and New Zealand hold the lowest percentage of oil resources and consumption  
  
A striking 56% of world oil resources is made up by countries in Middle Easet, which is four times as large as that of Canada, the country having the second highest amount of global oil, at 14,81%. The percentage of Central South America, Eastern Eruope and Africa is only half that figure for each one. With regared to the remaining areas, the oil resources they have, in combination, account for well below 10% of world oil reservoir.  
  
Turning to global annual oil consumption, the highest figures belong to Asia with 26.21% of the amount of oil consumed, followed closely behind by America, at 25,48%. Meanwhile, the proportions of oil used in other regions vary in the range of 1% to around 7%, except for Western Europe. These European countries utilized nearly a fifth of world annual oil consumption.  
  
I am quite concerned about the number and quality of some comparisons.  
I hope you guys can give me some advice on them  
And if possible, can you tell me which band can I achieve with this essay?  
  
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