dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## what children should be taught?

  
  
Adults are highly critical of young people these days, thinking they are not "grown up" or prepared to deal with the realities of life. Many believe that these young people lack basic life skills and that parents have a duty to teach them skills at a young age.Which of the following do you think is/are the most important skills for parents to teach their young kids?Why?How to cook/How to manage money/How to do laundry/How to stand up for themselves  
  
Many adults have criticized that children nowadays are excessively spoiled by their parents, causing young people not to be mature enough to survive in this competitive society. Some say that these teenagers should be taught essential life skills in order to make them strong enough to live on their own. In my opinion, some skills should be trained at an early stage of growth, whereas some can be learned by themselves without too much intervention by parents.  
  
A proper manner of managing their own wealth should be instructed since childhood. As young people might encounter a variety of attractions such as up-to-date clothing, electronic devices and other luxury products, they could not resist the temptations and spend money beyond their affordability. Even worse, they might borrow money from different financial corporations, which leads them to bankruptcy. Teenagers thus should learn how to manage their money wisely, like keeping some of their money for savings, so that they can have better preparation for themselves on important events, such as purchasing properties and medical care, in the future.  
  
Besides, teenagers should be taught to stay strong in whatever happens in later life. As youngsters might face various difficulties, such as physical illnesses, academic and career hindrance, which are unexpected and somehow cannot be controlled by one's ability, they should always stay resilient towards any adversary. Only if one keeps themselves in a positive manner, can the person not give up and overcome the crisis eventually.  
  
Although some might argue that children should learn to cook and do laundry, it is believed that the experience could be accumulated easily without devastating consequences. Children could reach the skills through different channels like television programs and contents shared in online platforms. Even if they could not expertise the skills in short term, they could still buy the services with a reasonable price.  
  
To conclude, children should be taught to build up proper concepts on spending money as well as maintain positive psychological status so that they could be beneficial with such early practice without getting irreversible damage to their future.  
  
I am looking forward to your comment. Thank you very much!
The writer was given 3 topic choices to write about in this essay. This did not mean that the writing needed to represent all 3 discussion points. Rather, the writer needed to select only 2 topics to write about in this presentation. The choices of money management and self responsibility were excellent and relevant topic choices. The writer successfully explained the relevance of each topic in a manner that corelated one topic to the next. There was a cohesive and coherent presentation for both topics.The laundry topic stick out like a sore thumb and did not connect in a manner that proved relevant to the first two points. That is what weakened the ppresentation. The over-discussion created a spin-off topic that, although partof the options, did not help boost the strength of the discussion. These are the reasons why 2 connected discussions would have been better than 3 topic presentations,
***Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time.  
This can benefit teenagers and the community as well.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
A school of thought holds that teenagers doing community service in their free time should be mandatory as this could have a number of benefits to both the teenagers and the community itself. In my opinion, such policy has both pros and cons and in this essay I am going to give my stance on the matter.  
  
First and foremost, it is the duty of every community members to contribute to its betterment, therefore, teenagers should fulfill their responsibilities to society by partaking in communal work during their free times. Additionally, such community service could be a chance for people in teenage age to expand their social circles and hone their social skills, all of which is very important in this age. Furthermore, given that the majority of time spent by teenagers is aimlessly wandering around the Internet, which was proven to have detrimental effects on the wellbeing of teenagers both in terms of physical and mental, doing community work could impel them to go outside of their houses and satisfy the needs of natural interaction.  
  
Despite the aforementioned benefits, forcibly making teenagers to do community work might be counterproductive. Since forcing anyone to do any work against their will often ends up in unsatisfactory results, teenagers being coerced into doing community service might as well ends be unnecessary, costing time and resources to the communities. Moreover, such mandatory services may take away already precious free time that teenagers have to do other important activities such as doing their homework or spending quality time with their families.  
  
All in all, I would contend that making people in their teenage years doing community work in their free times has both its upside and downside. The upside is that the teenagers would have the opportunities to fulfill their responsibilities to the community and gaining valuable skills or experiences while the downside is that the results might not be sufficient and precious free time could be wasted.
The essay does not meet the discussion requirements as implied in the original presentation. . Based on the topic presentation, there are 2 opposing points of view. The writer restates only one of the two in the paraphrase sentence. The discussion format is based on an extent response. The writer has chosen to write about pros and cons instead. Totally changing the discussion instructions from the original. The essay has an inaccurate paraphrase and has a prompt deviation in relation to the discussion format. It has 2 immediate failing points at the start. These failures may prevent the presentation from achieving a passing base score. Due tothe change in discussion format, passing this test may not be possible.
## students participation in volunteering

  
  
Nowadays, an increasing number of people are concerned about young people volunteering in community activities. Some people state that there are many benefits to young people volunteering; others believe that volunteering will have many obstacles for young people.  
  
On the one hand, there are some advantages of volunteering in community activities. Firstly, youngers can benefit from social skills such as communication, time management, and teamwork, which are very important for their future career. Secondly, volunteering is an effective way for young individuals to relax or get away from stress. Some even discover their interests or strength when involved in community service. Lastly, volunteering activities will help young people understand about unlucky people, therefor, they will value their lives and have a high sense of community responsibility.  
  
On the other hand, there are also some disadvantages of volunteering in community activities. Firstly, doing social work is sometime time - consuming, which leads to the fact that students lack the time to finish their homework. This way affect their academic performance. Secondly, young people doing volunteering often have to do transport to mountainous areas, which is risky for their health. Lastly, because volunteering isn't a paid job, some people will feel demotivated to do the job with commitment. As a result the volunteering work isn't as effective as it should be.  
  
In conclusion, while students can benefit from volunteer work, it can also affect their education.
The essay cannot recieve a passing score due to word count issues. The presentation is only 234/250 words. Essays that do not meet the minimum word count automatically receives percentage deductions. This deduction will be applied even before the other scoring errors are consolidated for final marking. The writer starts off with affailed preliminary TA score. It will be difficult to recover from that.  
  
The prompt restatement should have been completed upon the presentation of a thesis statement The thesis statement should be comprised of an advantage and disadvantage topic for individual paragraph discression in the 2 stand - alone reasoning paragraphs. This one reason why the essay did not meet the word count.  
  
The discussion paragraphs lack explanation and example development. The focus of the paragraph was on outlining, rather than developing the reasons. The number of reasons are not helpful when considered due to lack of justified or supporting comments. Using only 1 or 2 related reasons, properly explained would have resolved this problem. The reasoning paragraphs, being under-developed further adds to the scoring problems.  
  
The conclusion is an even bigger problem. It fails to offer a proper summary conclusion and also lacks presentation development. The writer needs to write /explain more in the essay to solve its problems.
***Prompt :  
Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful than those countries which do not have a long working time.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

  
  
ANSWER  
  
People have different views about the outcome of being hard-working. In my opinion, I utterly oppose the idea that longer shifts are greatly requisite for financial success regarding the adverse effects they may bring back.  
  
On the one hand, it is true that diligence is the key factor leading to a high economic growth rate due to the more demanding work requirements and fierce competition between firms. However, I believe overworking to be counter-productive. It deprives people of leisure time to make personal purchases, which is accordingly the reason for a drop in consumption. Consequently, major industries including tourism, air transport and entertainment services driving the economy in many countries would be severely affected resulting from the decline in the number of customers.  
  
In addition, the workers will be prone to physical health problems, along with mental illnesses if they exert themselves relentlessly. First of all, employees can suffer from lack of sleep, which acts as the main cause of poor performance at work. This may not only decrease productivity but also give rise to traffic accidents because of vehicles whose owners have to drive in a state of exhaustion. Undesirably, what will benefit is the medical system. Moreover, it poses a potential risk to people who are too busy for self-care. To cite an example, the Japanese office staffs frequently deal with an overwhelming workload that they feel stressful, meaningless and many even try to commit suicide.  
  
As a conclusion, it is clear to me that extended shifts have its drawbacks outweigh the advantages on the subject of the detrimental impact it could have on the economy.  
  
P/s : I'm aiming a band 8 for my essay in my exam this November. Could you please point out all the mistakes i've made as well as suggest a way to improve my writing ? Thank you very much.
The prompt restatement is incorrect, immediately eliminating a possible band 8 score for this essay. The topic centers on the point of view of countries, not individuals or groups of people. The response statement is incomplete and lacking in clarity as it refers to longer shifts in general as opposed to the more specific "occupational hours" or "employment schedules". The writers response in a measured degree is the only properly presented part of the prompt restatement + Personal opinion paragraph.  
  
The reasoning used by the writer does not use the reasoning basis indicated in the original. The explanations should focus on economic success As the comparison point for both points of view. It appears the witter failed to consider the topic requirement when the essay was being drafted. A quick prompt check prior to submission would have made that error evident to the writer and a correction could've been applied to the work. While the writer will recieve a score for having written an essay, it may not be a passing one due to discussion topic errors. This is most definitely not yet a band 8 writing effort.
## living in foreign country to learn its language and culture

  
  
With the inexorable extension of transactions over the globe, the multicultural and multilingual ignorance substantially turns into a severe flaw as it vastly avert the goods delivery. This, however, gives rise to the inquiry of whether utilizing an expense of time living abroad to learn its language and culture is valuable. Having considered those views via thorough reasoning, I have come to the decision of a disposal.  
  
When it comes to the accompanying flaws of this trend, the notion springing up to my mind is that these pupils are likely made to work ceaselessly. Studying abroad means either working ceaselessly to make ends meet or learning and fostering cognition spontaneously. Taken, for example, it may be an enlightened scenario for those whose life expenditure from their parents can be monthly replenished. However, those whose monetary supplement is considered inferior to its wealthy counterparts, are likely to be obsessed with making money to keep pace with various costs including rental fees, tuition fee,s or even travel fee, which will surely cumulatively render their well-beings down and put frontiers for their study. As such, this act may help them learn neither language nor culture well.  
  
Additionally, having thoughts of refinement in studying overseas in their youth, students are taking a severe toll on the contribution of their talents to the country that they are living in. To practically consider, what is referred to as studying in another country may possibly turn into the permanent settlement as well as no further contribution to their own country and completely fruitless subsidies. Granted, one may claim that by being a dweller, they have the right to manipulate their study by themselves depending on flourishing conditions. That may not be wholeheartedly sound because, besides the right to decide, they also have the right to sacrifice for their country. Moreover, the government is now utilizing enormous expenditure for bettering national talents that results in provision of foreign teachers and courses which are equivalent to those in other countries. Therefore, it is irresistible to say that studying overseas is unnecessary.  
  
In a nutshell, students should not experience studying abroad as a portion of the official curriculum in light of extravagant costs and also the loss of talented people.
The essay is heavy when it comes to word usage, but is definitely lacking in coherence and cohesiveness. Majority of the written opinion cannot be understood by a native English speaker. The problematic restatement does not do a proper job of explaining the original topic and offers an opinion that is not aligned with the extent question response requirement of the prompt. The essay has already failed based on the 1st paragraph misrepresentation alone.  
  
The writer needed to offer a clear interpretation of the topic, this was not done in the paraphrasing section. A thought from the author that expresses a clear extent opinion in the essay was not given either. Agree or disagree. The authors response of "I have come to the decision of a disposal" does not meet the discussion instructions for the essay. No clear opinion, based on the expected writing format was provided.
## coal mine redevelopment

  
  
*Topic: **The maps below show a coal mine and its redevelopment into a visitor attraction site.***  
  
*Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.*  
  
**My writing (160 words):**  
  
The maps illustrate a coal mining site and its renewed version as an entertainment destination.  
  
Overall, the site was completely reformed and upgraded to fit its new use. Except for the car park which remained the same, all amenities changed, and there were two new constructions which were a walking track and a children playground.  
  
One apparent change was the use of most buildings. For example, while two rooms for staff at the northwest corner merged and turned into a museum, the medical center was reconstructed into a cafe. On the opposite side of the cafe and the museum, two past waste sites transformed into a pond and a driving circuit.  
  
The other striking changes were the newly constructed walking track and a children's playground. The walking track started from the middle of the attraction landmark, right in front of the entrance, and led to the northeast side of the site. The children's playground was situated at the southeast corner.  
  
*
The trending statement was good up to the point where a run-on sentence was created. The data in this section should, for clarity purposes, be divided into 3 seperate sentences to represent the 3 different discoveries from the images.  
  
The descriptive analysis is focused on the changes alone.The writer forgot that a comparison of the images based on the original and revised maps are required. This was to be a 3 paragraph essay with the 2nd paragraph detailing the original set - up. That presentation should then be connected to the highlighted redesign and changes after the renovations in the 3rd paragraph.  
  
The discussion meets half the requirements for the report. A balanced look at both images in relation to design variations would have offered a better scoring consideration.
I am going to take an IELTS test next three months, so that I am nervous of getting bad grade. I hope that everyone will point out my mistakes and give me a precise band. Thanks a million.  
  
My topic is:  
  
***DIFFERENCES BETWEEN COUNTRIES BECOME LESS EVIDENT EACH YEAR. NOWADAYS, ALL OVER THE WORLD PEOPLE SHARE THE SAME FASHIONS, ADVERTISING, BRANDS, EATING HABITS AND TV CHANNELS.***  
  
## DO THE DISADVANTAGES OF THIS TREND OUTWEIGH THE ADVANTAGES?

  
  
As the proverb goes, "Every coin has its two sides". Globalization is no exception. Many countries throughout the world are sharing similar patterns in their own culture. Despite having some benefits, I still consider this trend more negative.  
  
On the one hand, shortened global distance has created many advantages. In the Fashion Industry, traditional culture firm several states provides variety of ideas and materials to make clothes. People are tend to share their styles, which diversifies the fashion around the world. Additionally, business is becoming increasingly international. It creates opportunities for employment and make huge profit. Besides, people over the world become closer. They would communicate with each other more easily despite having different languages, be no more challenging to travel and gain chances to approach to knowledge from other countries.  
  
On the contrary, I advocate that drawbacks of globalization becomes more serious. Public is likely to use clothes that are trendy and from the luxurious brands. This habit makes them lose the connection to traditional costumes. Additionally, many people do not really have knowledge about the real products, which cheats them pay a lot of money for fake stock. Besides, the development of ways to communicate over the world leads to the shortage of direct spoken. People seem talking face to face unnecessary due to misusing technological gadgets. Lastly, the biggest problem is unemployment and exploitation. Because companies tend to move to developing countries where labor is cheap. This creates redundancies and job losses, which are major issues these days.  
  
In conclusion, it seems to me that the drawbacks of shortening global gap do outweigh the benefits.  
(268 words)
If you become familiar with the response writing patterns per discussion style, you should be able to get a good grade. Just remember that there are 2 different writing standards for Task 2 essays.  
  
Comparative writing prompts :  
  
- Discuss both views and give an opinion  
- compare and contrast  
- Discuss the advantages and disadvantages  
  
Those are the only prompts that require 2 comparison paragraphs.  
  
All other prompts:  
  
- Agree or Disagree  
- To what extent do you agree or disagree  
- Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages  
- What is your opinion  
  
Are all single opinion reasoning explanations, essays, discussions. A single opinion is the point of view of a writer that must have 2 strong supporting reason paragraphs. This is because you are asked to explain the validity of your opinion using explanations and related examples.  
  
The clarity of the opinion is one of the most important scoring considerations. It is so important in fact, that you are individually scored on how clearly discussed your opinion is The minute you decide on an . work on that sole defense alone so as not to be scored as having conflicting or unclear opinion presentations. You accidentally opposed your opinion in this writing due to the comparative format used. The writing instruction for this essay falls under the single opinion defense task.  
  
Try to avoid using Chinese proverbs in you writing. This does not help show your ability to restate the prompt. In fact, your rewrite failed to include a reference to the following specific aspects in the paraphrasing + opinion paragraph:  
  
DIFFERENCES BETWEEN COUNTRIES BECOME LESS EVIDENT EACH YEAR.  
PEOPLE SHARE THE SAME FASHIONS, ADVERTISING, BRANDS, EATING HABITS AND TV CHANNELS.  
The reference to culture in your version is not a correct choice of word because the similarities are in the lifestyle as per the original discussion reasoning.  
  
Based on my observations of your work, I believe the total band score for your essay need not be mentioned. It is evident and self- explanatory. I hope my explanation cleared things up you you in regard to response styles. I look forward to seeing improvement in your next writing task.
@nicole  
I think I see your writing before.  
  
Instead of using proverb, you can simply write a general statement and then paraphrase the question.  
As the proverb goes, "Every coin has its two sides". Globalization is no exception.  
-> I guess this what you are trying to say globalization has both advantages and disadvantages?  
  
People ~~are~~ tend to ...  
Besides, people over the world become closer more interconnected - try to use more collocation to demonstrate your lexical resource.  
  
... drawbacks of globalization becomes have become - try to vary your grammar more serious.