dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The discussion in the paragraphs do not represent properly analyzed and thoroughly presented paragraphs. the writer is too much in a hurry. The presentation is mostly comprised of run-on sentences that tend to be confusing to the reader. For instance, when presenting the images, the writer used one long sentence to explain the content of 2 different images. Each image must be independently identified and must contain information relative to the image. These cannot be compressed because the differening image information will cause confusion for the reader. The writer is using long sentences to show "complex" sentences. This is a misunderstanding on the writer's part. A review of the differences between complex and run - on sentences is in order. The writer should also make an effort to identify the image information referred to in the paragraphs. Right now, the reader does not have any idea as to which image is being referred to in the essay. If the images were not available to the reader, this would be a stressfully confusing presentation that would result in a failing score.
***It has been proposed that citizens should only consume food and drink products that have been produced in their own countries.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
The idea of consuming local food and beverage products from host countries because they correspond to local taste preferences. However, this resulting a scarcity of the foreign investors, particularly in food industry.  
  
The Citizen should eat local meal and drink because it is more suitable in taste than import it, thus it is necessary for residents to create their own food. Not only do they miss their family and home, but if they reside overseas, they also tend to make or find their own cuisine. In Singapore, there is community for Indians, and they eat and sell Indian food there like Makhani (butter chicken) and Chole (chickpea curry) because there will always be a meaningful for local cuisine.  
  
On the other hand, attracting international investors in the food business is quite difficult since they are constrained by rules that require them to consume only local food and beverages. What is the significance of this investment? if the number of customers is small, multinational restaurants such as KFC, Burger King, and Starbuck will not grow their company in a country that mostly citizens do not appreciate foreign cuisine. Finally, a reduction in the cost of capital for external investors has the effect to decrease wages and economic income, especially in food industry sector.  
  
In conclusion, I strongly believed that Investment in food sector is required to boost the national economy, so citizens need to consume other food than what they produced. It is suggested that local food is still sold in greater quantities than international food in supermarket, since more and more residents prefer consume large amounts of local food.
I am not sure what essay topic the writer has developed here. Whatever it is, the presentation is incoherent for the most part, and unrelated to the original discussion. The first paragraph alone does not contain a coherent thought and does not respond to the discussion question either. The writer is incapable of creating understandable English sentences for some reason. It could be that he is translating his thoughts, word for word from his native language to English, which will automatically create unusable discussion references due to lack of coherent word usage. The writer should first, learn how to write simple sentences in English, then practice writing random essay topics, before finally concentrating on specialized essay writing for the Task 2 part of the IELTS test.
## It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents

  
  
The relative importance of natural talent and training is a frequent topic of discussion when people try to explain different levels of ability in, for example, sport, art and music.  
  
Obviously, education is one of the most important system on the growth of a child. In other families or environments, the children can be taught to acquire different skills, including those associated with sport, art or music. So from own school experience, we can find plenty of evidence to support the view that a child can acquire these skills through theories they taught or practice.  
  
However, some people believe that innate talent what make difference a person to others and they also think that the people who have innate talent will be more successful than normal people. For example, Beethoven is a popular composer in the world and his talent was found when he was very young. With his talent, he had composed many famous symphonies and become a pioneer in the romantic music period. Until people started to discover the history of Beethoven, they learned that he came from a musical family and that his talent was inherited from his parents. In another word, innate talent was a special skill than learned technique and this can not be taught, which are probably inherited via their genes.  
  
On the other sides, I personally think that all the innate talent people need to be taught how to make the most of their talents. Such talents can give individuals a facility for certain skills that allow them to excel but if they don't practice or train their talent skills everyday, they could not do it best and in a long time they will just same level at the people who hard-working to reach comparable levels. For instance, sport, art, and music are the subjects that need the train, effort to improve oneself skills everyday to make them in a high level. But sometimes, the children can be taught to be a good sports person or musician with some special trainings to help them reach to a certain level.  
  
In conclusion, I agree that any child can be taught particular skills, but to be really good in areas such as music, art, sport, in any way some natural talents are required.
The topic restatement is inaccurate and does not reflect the 2 points of view as referenced in the original prompt. There is no clear opinion statement that could be seen as a proper thesis statement. The full essay does not follow the required discussion format (discuss both views and give your opinion). The writer presented a general analysis of the public opinions, without proper referencing. It made the discussion appear to come only from one analytical side, that of the writer. The importance of the public reference will help to show a logical analysis of the discussion prior to the build up for the personal opinion. In this case, there is a confusing mix of personal opinions, comprising majority of the essay, and little to no reference, to the public perception. So the essay response is only partially correct and could be deemed confusing by the examiner. There must be a 2 paragraph consideration of the public opinion and the writer's view on the public opinion to create a logical and valid writer's opinion statement.
## **The maps below show the town of Langley in 1910 and 1950.**

  
  
*Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.*  
  
The illustrations detail changes that occurred in the town of Langley from 1910 to 1950.  
  
From an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that the town has become more commercial with more commercial complexes and stores, and the only areas remaining unchanged are two streets.  
  
As can be seen from the map in 1910, two rows of two houses had been divided two sides by Jordan street in the West area of the town. Moving on, there was Sherman Street, which had separated into North and South areas, in the middle Langley in 1910. A row of residential houses had been built in the North of Sherman Street; store and laundry next to these houses. To the north of the area, the industrial factory had been layout and next to it had been a wasteland. Further, more apartments in the South compared to North had been adjacent to a cafe shop which had been opposite railway workers' cottage with a quite far distance. Also, the accommodation of railway employments had been near to railway line.  
  
We can see the map of Langley in 1950 that it became a commercial town. The row of townhouses was replaced by three flats. In the center of town, the block's apartments were demolished to open Sherman Park and the children's play area. In the east of the town, while old cafe shop was moved to the laundry store's previous position, and the laundry store was reintroduced of the old factory and row of the apartment into Sherman Mansions.  
  
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The writer should have identified the number of illustrations provided to add clarity to his claim that the comparisons cover progressive years rather than 2 exclusive years. The comparison statement made in the summary overview is inaccurate because the reference to "from 1910 to 1950" indicates several images depicting the slow progression or development of the community over a period of years. However, only 2 images, explaining the differences in the town during 2 specific years were made. There is no steady progression involved so a reference to such must not have been made in the summary presentation.  
  
the phrase "readily apparent" should not be used when a comparison of 2 images is required. There is nothing readily apparent because the differences in images need to be studies, analyzed, and reported to the reader. The writer should not exaggerate the presentation by using presentation words that do not truly apply to the procedure of comparison. The "readily apparent" reference can only be safely used in single image representations as those are more scannable than multiple images data.
***In some countries, schoolchildren wear a uniform. In others, they can wear whatever they want at school.***  
## What are the advantages and disadvantages of having school uniforms?

  
  
In some parts of the world, wearing a uniform is mandatory for students, however, pupils living in other  
nations are free to put on any clothes at school. While putting on this might reduce discrimination in our society and recognize easily which school children are studying, it also has negative effects which need to be taken into account.  
  
Firstly, one advantage of having school uniforms is that there will be no discrimination between the rich and the poor. Indeed, school uniforms tend to be cheaper than any casual or trendy clothes which wealthy students want to wear to show off with their peers. Take those living in poor housing conditions, for instance, they can afford them easily without worrying about their prices. Secondly, another benefit is that it is easy to identify schools' names in the public instead of investing money in media advertising, this practice helps to advertise schools' reputation to everyone, and also gives schoolchildren a great sense of pride about their schools.  
  
On the other hand, it is worth mentioning the disadvantages of wearing this. From the perspective of fashion lovers, it is inconvenient and annoying for them as putting on uniforms seem to be unattractive and not elegant. Besides, wearing uniforms make them less confident whenever they go to school. In addition, another issue is that it affects schools' profiles when badly-behaved students who are wearing uniforms bully, hurt other weaker people in the public areas. This causes detrimental impacts on the success of these schools because parents are reluctant to send their children to schools having these bullying and poorly educated pupils.  
  
In conclusion, although wearing uniforms brings benefits, but this might sadden school children who loves fashion, and have negative consequences for the reputation of schools in some cases.
A better thesis statement can be produced for this discussion. Since a clear pro discussion had already been presented, the con reason should have been presented as well. By presenting the conflicting reasons early one, a clear discussion path will be set for the reader / examiner, who will then have a better assessment of the English comprehension skills and opinion development process of the exam taker. A completely developed thesis statement can only be a scoring boost for the TA section. A perfect restatement + opiniom paragraph will practically assure the student of a passing score.  
  
The reasoning paragraphs are well developed. The reasons are connected enough within the paragraphs and definitely offer cohesive pro and con discussion presentations in the 2 rreasoning paragraphs. Yes, the sentence presentations could be more complex, but this simple presentation is more than enough to avoid failing GRA penalties. What is important is that the discussion can be easily understood by the reader.  
  
There is a slight vocabulary error on the side of the exam taker that will result in a minute scoring deduction in the LR section. Refer to the following in terms of a misunderstood word meaning:  
  
Sadden - verb meaning to make or become sad.  
  
Saddle - verb meaning to load or charge with a burden  
  
It is the latter word that the writer was supposed to use as the descriptive term in the concluding summary.
**Task 1:**  
## The diagram shows how chocolate is produced.

  
***Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.***  
  
The diagram elaborates on the breakdown of making chocolate.  
A course of 10 successive stages has been prominently given, beginning with planting cocoa trees and finishing with producing liquid chocolate.  
To commence, the cocoa trees are grown in South America, Africa, and Indonesia with a view to farmers' collecting of red pods to take the raw materials inside them - white cocoa beans. Subsequently, harvested pods are carefully separated into halves, from which the white cocoa beans are extracting. The beans are thereafter continuously fermented between the layers of banana leaves. Following the fermentation, the beans are spread out and prolongedly exposed under the sunlight until they turn brown in order to become dry. In the fifth step, dried beans are loaded in the same-sized large sacks before being moved to the factory by either trains or lorries.  
  
Regarding the chocolate-making procedure in the factory, the beans initially undergo a roasting phase in the ovens at a temperature of 350 Celcius degree, which continually is taken into a flat, cylindrical machine to dispose of the outer shell, and simultaneously crush the roasted beans. Ultimately, the crushed beans are pressed under the high pressure of two rollers for the purpose of forming the liquid chocolate.  
  
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The writer does not give an accurate identification of the image provided. Each type of basic description has a specific reference. For example, this is not a mere diagram. It is a procedural diagram. It is procedural because it explains the process of creating chocolate. It is a diagram because it follows a step by step explanation of the procedure. This is also a 4 step illustrative diagram (meaning a drawing explanation) of a 10 step process. The writer must become more familiar with analytical essay presentations to create more reliable summaries and explanatory paragraphs. Since there are 4 steps in the procedure, the essay presentation would be better divided into 4 paragraphs for cohesiveness and coherence purposes.
***Tittle :  
Studying with a group of students in a classroom is more beneficial than learning online at home.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
Essay :  
There are people who claim that learning through screens are less beneficial than in a classroom with a group of students, but there are others who conclude the opposite. To my mind, the statement itself is partly right and also partly wrong.  
  
Having considered all the convenience it brings, it is undeniable that learning online is more beneficial than with peers in a classroom. At school, the students learn together, so they have to do things together. The gifted ones often finish things faster and have to wait for the others. But in online classes, students done with their assignment can leave the meeting sooner. This is a remarkable advantage since many students can save the time they usually waste on waiting for the others to catch up, and presumably spend it on picking up a new language. Furthermore, in these days when the COVID-19 pandemic has not gone yet, learning from home plays a crucial role in lowering in the number of new cases. With this new learning method, schoolers will not have the chance to be down with the disease, as well as being well-informed at the same time.  
  
Nevertheless, online class also has its pitfalls. With the comfort at home, some students are likely to get mind-numbed or fall asleep. At school, these things rarely happen. It is because of the lecturer's surveillance - which learning online lacks.Moreover, it is obvious that social media, games,films and anything available on gadgets hold more attraction to youngsters than lessons. Therefore classes attendees will be easily distracted from what they should never be supposed to. Furthermore, it is the peer pressure in class that makes student more likely to be indefatigable. When being put in a group of like-minded people, one is more unlikely to have the feeling of doing something alone and have more motivation to keep on their work. This is what creates the difference in performance between students taught online and at school.  
  
To cut the long story short, I believe that even though online classes have their failings, this method is still a promising applicant for education for the next generation. However, to make the most use of the benefits it brings, there are still way many changes need to be made in near future.
The writer is not being asked if the statement that was made is right or wrong. That is a clear misunderstanding of the opinion writing instruction. The essay will receive a failing score in terms of TA accuracy because the opinion is not provided in the expected format. The writer has not responded to the question and has instead, changed the discussion requirement for the essay. Compare:  
  
Discussion Question: TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?  
Response: the statement itself is partly right and also partly wrong.  
  
This is the main reason why this essay will not receive a passing score. The scoring basis will be that of a failing one due to faulty English comprehension skills.
Thank you for your reading, the full topic is that:  
  
## **consumers are faced with increasing numbers of advertisement from competing companies**

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*To what extent do you think are consumers influenced by advertisements? What measures can be taken to protect them?*  
  
In the modern society, it can be observed that almost all things around us are having the advertising elements. Under this situation, consumers are not hardly to be influenced these advertisements especially children since their systems of values have not been developed completely and so the regulation of advertisements is necessary.  
  
The first point to make is that the various forms of advertisement can potentially repeat the similar information and attract us to consume. From the promotion of shops that can immediately let people focusing on, like buy one get one free; to the same advert that played again and again in the YouTube and thus irritating people; it cannot be denied that the advertisements are remembered and customers are being persuaded to spend money even they did not want to purchase in the beginning. This means customers are influenced by the psychological attraction of advertising.  
  
To reduce the effects of advertising, the regulation and censorship to adverts are important. For the tactic aimed at selling products from companies, the best and only way to protect customers from the influence of advertising is the government should build a regulation system to censor the advertisement and give the permission if it can pass the censorship. Based on the regulation, the frequency of advertisement occurrence of the products and services that are not favourable to health should be restricted or even banned, such as fast food that contains high salt, sugar and saturated fat content, or tobacco that can harm to respiratory and nervous system in the body. That can help consumers to stay clearheaded when they are judging for the payment and be more healthy in the modern world.  
  
To conclude, the consumers are facing with advertisements with psychological manipulation, that seems like we cannot keep our brain calm, but that should have a way to protect us to escape the overloaded information.
The original discussion does not make any reference to children in relation to advertisements. There is no need to make specific mention to children when they are not singled out in the original presentation. This creates a slight prompt deviation which, although not marked in effect, will still be noticed as an insertion by the examiner and ignored as a part of the discussion process.  
  
While the writer sticks to the point of his presentation, he has chosen to use a synonym for advertisements that does not really apply to the word. When a person says "advert", he is referring to a verb meant to refer to a remark or comment. Always remember that just because a "slang" version of the word is used in reference to a word, it may not contain the same academic meaning. The word usage will be wrong and reduce the vocabulary score for the written piece.
## Violence on TV and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society

  
  
There is currently a contentious argument over whether playing games on the computer and watching television containing violent scenes negatively impact on people's manners. From my point of view, I totally agree with this opinion because it makes harmful images and leads to problem behavior in our society.  
  
The main reason why I believe violence is definitely harmful to everyone is that it forms a detrimental environment for those exposed to these entertainments, especially for children and teenagers. TVs and computers are undeniably popular with almost every family so any kind of violence will be instantly and widely updated if it is released. For instance, children accidentally see violence on TV and it could be a haunting memory for them when it is off the top of their head.  
  
Another reason I support this notion is that it causes people to misunderstand the violence which is supposed to be in the ordinary way. They manifest violence via actions and perceptions. For example, they are more likely to use their fists as they get into arguments such as rows, fights,... It is also possible that they have violent thoughts which intensely threaten the standard of acceptable behavior in society.  
  
To sum up, I completely agree that violent games and TV programs have injurious effects on individuals, even on society. Given this situation, it seems that not only should the government has more strict regulations about violence in social media but also each person needs to raise awareness in selecting the form of entertainment more healthily and safely.