dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
I have done the IELTS test. I would like to share what I have done in my writing task 1.  
1. First of all, you need to address the overal case; meaning what do they ask you to write about? start your first paragraph with the main idea of the tasks  
  
2. Second Paragraph, you may start addressing the difference between two or more subjects in the text.  
3. Third paragraph, you may start addressing the similarities.  
4. Fourth Paragraph, give a brief conclusion covering the main Idea.  
Remember, Writing task 1 is all about you understand data and explain shortly and concisely. I remember that they will not ask you to write many things. Just keep the text simple and meaningful and covering all the main idea.
## how the butterfly has grown

  
  
The chart gives information about how the butterfly has grown.  
Overall, there are four stages of the butterfly's lifecycle. This lifecycle begins with laying eggs and ends when pupal stage metamorphosis happens.  
To begin with, the female butterfly lays its eggs taking place in the plant in which she is living. After that, the development of the embryo occurs between 2 or 3 weeks. Inside each egg, one embry develops in size to become a caterpillar. In stage three, the next two months is the time for caterpillars' skin-shedding growing. In this period, a pupa is created by the caterpillar. This activity takes two hours to happen.  
  
The final stage is called pupa stage when the metamorphosis takes place. In this section, the pupa grows to become an adult butterfly. Following this, the adult butterfly finds one in order to mate. And this comes back to the first step to make a round lifecycle.  
  
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The chart  
What kind of chart? You call it a life-cycle chart, a development chart, or even a process chart. Be specific with your summary image description because it is needed for the imaginative reference point. It is the basis ofthe whole desciption.  
  
Be careful with your paragraph spacing. Make sure you clearly represent 3 paragraphs. your current format only has 2 paragraphs presented. Remember that you are also scored on formatting requirements. Academic essays never use the connecting word "and" to start a sentence. That word connects r ideas in a sentence. There is no connection to be made at the start of the sentence. Use it in the midde instead when there are thoughts, ideas, or opinions to connect.
## Dress code in businesses?

  
  
Conventional wisdom held that the book is better than the cover . The case remains a controversial topic within some organizations as to whether their staff should dress decently or improve the quality in working . While some believe that it is advisable for their employees to be well-dressed , i am of the opinion raised by others that it is the quality of the work that matters rather than the appearance .  
  
On the one hand , advocates of the policy in which employees should dress smartly have their valid reasons . Firstly , a group of formally dressed employees can bring about better image for the organizations . Such business are more likely to gain public recognition to beautify their reputation . In this way ,they can stand better chance of attracting their prospective customers or business counterparts to ensure a stable growth of the organization. Secondly , having staff dressed in formal attire can create a sense of professionalism within the organization system . If employees are well-dressed , they are more likely to feel confident and have a better self-esteem when working with their colleagues or clients . Reasearch also shows that maintaining a professional working environment urge other emplyees and their boss to focus more on the job they are working on , come up with more ideas and thus , boosting productivity and efficiency . However , this line of reasoning is not sound as applying the policy into real circumstances can render employees susceptible to discrimination or disrespect just because they cannot afford to dress in those so-called gorgeous garments .  
  
On the other hand , i believe the future of the organization lies in the quality of the work . Responsibility , genuity and sensibility are what build up a great virtue of an organization . A group of well-qualified employees can ensure better performance and bring about positive impacts on the association 's pace of growth . They are more likely to come up with ingenious solutions to a certain problem and are well-trained to adapt to the ever-changing economy status quo in order to sustain the growth of their organization . Its reputation may also be positively affected for all the great work and hence, appealing to other business counterparts.  
  
In conclusion , there are several feasible reasons behind the idea of requiring employees to dress smartly . However , what sustain the organization to grow and develop mostly depends on the hard and great work amongst each staff , rather than the exterior look .
Conventional wisdom held that the book is better than the cover .  
Did you mean to use that as the hook for your opening statement? If you did then you did not do it successfully. since this statement is not part of the original discussion presentation, then it did not blend in with the rest of your paraphrasing. It actually lessened the effectivity of the statement. Avoid using references that are not part of the original. It will keep the discussion an point.  
  
The discussion calls for a 3 paragraph discussion. Your presentation is only based on your personal perspectives and opinions. There needs to be 2 explanations that support eachpublic opinion before youpick a side or opinion to support. clearly, this isan incorrectly formatted response that will receive deductions due to incorrect response formatting.
Hey, I wrote this essay for an exam i do in the Netherlands. Could anyone please go through and point out any errors and give me some advice?  
  
Thanks in advance !  
  
## **Stop gambling around !**

  
  
For many centuries, studying at a university was only destined for the rich and privileged or those who possessed talent. Nowadays however, studying after finishing secondary school, has become much more of a standard. In my country, the Netherlands, the number of youngsters that enroll to universities has significantly increased over the past couple of years. As a result, some studies are demanded far more than they are available. To solve this problem, universities admit students based on a lottery system, in which the average of their secondary school exam achievements determines their chance of admission. However, recently the idea has been raised to replace this current system with an interview of application or an admission exam. In my opinion the current system should be replaced with an admission system that focuses on an individual their capabilities. The aim of this essay is to give arguments that advocate this view.  
  
First of all, I argue that the current lottery system is utterly ineffective. Why would we draw lots when we can specifically look into a person's certificates to get to know their strong and weak sides? If we select people based on their talents rather than on an average of their achievements, we would greatly improve our labour force since everyone would do what they are best at. Moreover, letting someone's fate be determined just by drawing lots does not seem fair to me.  
  
Secondly, we should embrace the fact that when there is a limited amount of places available for a study, competition for these places is a natural consequence. Drawing lots completely removes this consequence since no one really can compete with each other. If we would let people compete for places through admission exams or interviews that test one's capabilities, this will guarantee that the most suitable can be selected.  
  
Lastly, it should be noted that there are a plethora of studies ranging from, for example, astrophysics to philosophy to economy. If a person gets dismissed for a study, it surely is not the end of the world. There are plenty of other options available. Furthermore, if someone gets admitted in this current lottery system, research has found that there is a high chance that they are more likely to drop out of college. This is because the student has not been selected on their adequacy and capabilities, and as a result will face much difficulty and stress.  
  
To summarize, the current lottery system does not take into account who are most capable to be admitted. It should therefore be replaced by a system which puts an emphasis on selecting people based on their capabilities. Then competition will flourish and everyone will find out what they are best at. Eventually, students will be much happier and our labour force much stronger. Should we not have already learned that gambling in the lottery is a waste of time ?  
  
485 words
What is the exam you will be taking ? What are the discussion requirements? The lack of writing instructions will makeit impossible forme to review this essay properly. I am afraid my review may not be of much help to you. i'll give it my best try on a general basis though. should you want topost here again, please include the instructions then. Thanks.  
  
some studies are demanded far more than they are available.  
What do you mean? I think the something got last in translation.  
  
that focuses on an individual their capabilities.  
Again lost in translation . You need to learn to proofread your sentences for clarity. If the examiner gets confused with yourstatements enough times, you will fail the test.  
  
Moreover, letting someone's fate be determined just by drawing lots does not seem fair to me.  
you failed to justify this I.  
  
Your second to the last paragraph is not useful. It lacks justifications and evidence to support the statements. It is likely that this type of presentation will not do well in an actual setting.
## Population aged 65 and over

  
  
The line graph gives information about the percentage of people who are 65 and older in the USA, Sweden, and Japan from the year 1940 to 2040.  
  
In all three countries, senior citizens aged 65 and over will take up a much greater proportion of the population in 2040 than they did in 1940. Obviously, the US had the highest proportion of aged population among all three nations in 1940 and Japan had the lowest; however, they are predicted to switch positions by 2040.  
  
In 1940, the whole population in the US and Sweden consisted of approximately 9% and 7% of people who were at 65 and over respectively, and there was a gradual rise in the percentage of aged population in both countries in the following decades. Entering the early 1990s, the percentage of the elderly population in Sweden surpassed that in the US, and it is projected that around a quarter of the Swedes will be older than 65 in 2040, and so will be 23% of the Americans.  
  
In terms of the Japanese population, only one in twenty were at 65 and over in 1940, and this continued to drop and bottomed at roughly 3% between 1960 and 1990. Since then, the proportion started to rebound and is expected to double by 2030. Thereafter, the Japanese aged population will rocket, pass the US and Sweden, and reach approximately 27% in 2040.  
  
(Thanks for your time and feedback.)  
  
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Your essay is lacking in pauses. Those are sections where an end of the sentence is placed, allowing the reader to pause and understand the sentence before the introduction of a new but seperate idea. These is usually represented by a period which is then followed by a transition word, phrase, or sentence before the next information is presented. The presentation is therefore, long but difficult to follow. Idea presentations are difficult to relate within the discussions. You have to learn to write in a simple, quick, but easy to track manner. The prompt instructions lend itself to a 3 rather than 4 paragraph discussion format. Always look to the prompt for discussion paragraph numbering. Forcing a 4 paragraph presentation in a 3 paragraph essay will always lead to a lower c&c score for your presentation. Majority of the Task 1 prompts are only 3 paragraph presentations.
## rehabilitated prisoners

  
  
Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
  
Answer:  
It is common for someone who was sentenced to jail to live a normal life as others after they are released. Therefore, they can provide the best guidance for youngsters about the hidden hazardous of being a criminal. From my perspective, I absolutely agree with this opinion.  
  
There are a number of reasons for ex-prisoners to become good. First of all, they can spend time in jail regretting what they did in the past, which later helps them avoid committing a crime after they return to the outside-jail life. In addition, when being punished in prison, they may receive education and training that make them understand and treasure the core value of life, resulting in more responsibility towards society. Therefore, when returning to the community, with the perception during the prison time, they will do their best to afford a new life like normal citizens.  
  
It goes without saying that the best teachers are the ones teaching from real experience. The more experience is accumulated, the more genuine the lectures about the criminal world become. This is one of the most significant key that can attract students with the lessons. Once the students find themselves interested in the subject of their lecturers, they will come up with questions relating to the criminal stories. Obviously, it is these ex-criminals, not any police or professors, who can reveal the answers to those questions.  
  
In summary, it is completely possible for a man who experienced a life in prison to join the society normally after his punishment is invalid. This man, in return, will become the best teacher to give teenagers advice and warning about the consequences of committing a crime.
The prompt restatement is incorrect. The discussion is not about criminals living a normal life after serving a jail sentence. The reference point is about criminals becoming good members of society. your statement is incorrect as criminals do not need to complete a prison term to become a normal citizen. That person can be leading a normal life by society standards regardless of his criminal background. It is his membership and actions in society that are in question, not his lifestyle. This time you misunderstood the topic.  
  
The first reasoning paragraph doesn't relate to the topic for discussion. This will not be considered in the scoring process. The number of words inthat paragraph will be disregarded and deducted from the minimum word count. That paragraph can cause the total essay to fail as the presentation if now less than 250 words. This error is part of your lack understanding of the discussion requirements.  
  
The second paragraph however, works correctly with the discussion expectation and, had that been the first reasoning paragraph, would have allowed you to discuss a relevant topic in the second paragraph. Try to not use memorized phrases to signal the concluding paragraph. Try to come up with an original concluding intro. That way it won't seem like you can only develop a conclusion using a memorized format. Do not be afraid to use 3-5 sentences in this section so that you can show that you can do a proper reverse paraphrase representing a new discussion summary based on the newly developed discussion rather than the original prompt alone.
## the population of foreign and local students enrolled in Australian universities

  
  
**The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant**.  
  
The graphs illustrate the population of foreign and local students enrolled in Australian universities during ten years since 2001.  
  
Overall, total students of both graph was increasing over the time, while the commencing catergorize of overseas students was higher than local students at the end of period.  
  
Looking at detail of overseas student's graph, the demand of studying university in Autralia gradually rose over year until 2009, then it remained constanly in the last stage. Following this, total number of foreign students was dramatically rocketed by 400% when comparing with the beginning time.  
  
In the graph of local students, the commencing rate was fluctuate in ten years, but the number of new local students seemly stable. As a result of that, total Australia students less than around 20000 overseas students, although Australian universities received more the enrolments of domestic students than foreign stuudents in 2001.
There are only 144 words in this presentation. You missed the word requirement by 6 words. Percentage deductions to the TA score will be applied accordingly. You never want to write less than 150 words. I have seen exam takers actually fail based on the word count consideration alone. You don't want to fail based on a technicality. Always ensure that you write between 150-190 words. No more than 200.  
  
The image description is incomplete. What kind of graph is it? What other information did it contain? This paragraph needs at least 3 descriptive sentences in it, aside from the trending statement. Remember that you are writing for a specific audience. The preliminary information must contain a proper first look or info summary.  
  
\* Limited review provided due to the lack of uploaded image.
## Learning from others failures or successes

  
  
I disagree to this notion that one should follow the examples set by others to be able to learn. In fact, in my opinion, you are person of your own and need to work on your own way in terms of your creativity, skills and talent in order to get knowledge about things and learn effectively.  
  
First of all , we all people think and perceive things differently. We all are innovative on our own terms. And following the examples set by others simply means, we are not up for greater change . Without risk and going through things ourselves will not do us any good in learning process. For instance, I have a friend whose father is a great renowned businessman in our town. And everyone wanted my friend to follow the same path of career but she wanted to establish an art gallery by herself. She worked hard and used her own skills and finally achieved her goals. If she would have just followed her father's path and involved in his business, she wouldn't have been so successful and learned the things she wanted to.  
  
Also, we can't be so sure if the examples set by others will be feasible for us. They might have been made in different circumstances which may not work for us for the time being. We need to access the situation beforehand and start doing things with our creativity to learn things. For example, there could be someone who is thriving in the share market. But he could be the one capable of taking risks and with good financial conditions and following the example of him and diving into this market without accessing our own finances and any prior knowledge about the market could eventually make us bankrupt.  
  
In addition to that, learning by our own experience is an active learning process and will ensure better understanding of things in comparison to simply following what others have done. We can have better knowledge about how things can be run efficiently, what sort of risk can be avoided in the process, by our own assessment. For example, if we are establishing a restaurant in our area, we can't simply follow how other restaurant in nearby town has been running. We are introduced with different set of problems and risks which needs our own creativity to get solved.  
  
In conclusion, I think learning should be more about doing things ourselves than just to follow the examples set by others. We should use our own curious and creative mind to assess situation and learn from our experience. Then only our learning can be more efficient and lifelong.
Was this written for the Task 2 IELTS essay or TOEFL test? You have to indicate which test you are writing for next time because the rules for reviewing your essay will vary depending on the type of test you plan to take. If this is just for general English writing practice, then say so as well so that the general review guidelines can be applied to your work. As of now, I will consider this a general essay and advise accordingly. If I use one of the 2 standard English test to review this, the word count and errors will be heavily considered as part of the review.  
  
Without risk and going through things ourselves will not do us any good in learning process.  
This is the result of an action. So what is the subject of the sentence? There is an error in the structure of the sentence which should have been:  
  
We will not learn anything if we do not take a risk and go through it ourselves.  
  
I can see that you have an understanding of the given prompt. The problem, is that your grasp of the meaning of certain English words tends to be incorrect. It appears that you do have a vast English word chest, but you do not really understand the meaning of the word or how to use it in a sentence. Unfortunately, I am not allowed to rewrite your whole essay, which is what I am tempted to do to show you and correct your mistakes. **(\*Note: Students cannot rewrite the essay as advice, that will result in account suspension)** So focus on learning word meaning first. That means getting a dictionary and reading the meaning of a word before you use it in the essay. You are practicing, you have time to do that. It will help you improve your vocabulary usage and sentence structure.
## protecting the water from beach contamination

  
  
In present, water pollution is a serious problem for sea creatures and human.Even the road we go to school everyday or the beach we sometimes go in summer is polluted. Quynh Phuong Beach is well-known for local people but it is also the place which is the most polluted in Quynh Phuong.  
  
When someone go across Quynh Phuong beach, they will see rubbish on the seaside and the discharged water, habit garbage around the restaurants which are near the beach. Fishing wharf has become a place which local people throw trash. It make Quynh Phuong beach smell badly. The amount of the rubbish increases rapidly. Moroever; the president of Quynh Phuong commune say that " Oh! Everyone has been familiar with the trash."  
  
SO, What will happen if we leave everything without handle water pollution. It not only bring death to sea species but it also make us die when we eat those death seafood without thinking anything. The tourism will be decrease dramatically beacause of the ugly and dirty beach. Many restaurant, hotel near the beach will easily be shut down. The beaty of the beach will be gone forever.  
  
We need to do something to protect the beach. Some of Hoang Mai high school' s student has been to the beach to clean up the sewage on the beach and there are many people come to the beach to wipe out the seaside. Moroever; we also should warn everybody about the harm of water pollution so they can help to protect the beach.  
  
In short, we should prevent the pollutants from contaminating the beach