dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hi Ms. Nuraini. Here are my suggestions for you.  
  
(1.) At present, businesses are one of **the** sectors that have ...  
  
(2.) ... role in society and making **some** contribution**s** to local community.  
  
(3.) ... that the production processes **will**~~do~~ not stop.  
  
(4.) It **is** related to the society. They have to make **the** contribution to local community.  
... requirement in where are businesses located for job to ...  
***you can say: the company will make a priority for people who live in the place near the company*.**  
  
(5.) By this requirement more people have a job, and surely ...  
***this will overcome the problem and solve the unemployment of local community so that their welfare is predicted to increase***  
  
(6.) Presence of businesses ~~also can~~**can also** make an area ...  
For example, there is a **popular** food namely "Dodol Garut" in Indonesia~~. It~~**(,) which** is so popular. ~~Initially of~~ this food is started ...  
  
I hope it can be useful for you.  
Goodluck and Keep Spirited.
Hi Nuraini, as I go through the essay, I believe it can still be enhanced and below are my suggestions.  
  
- ~~At present~~Nowadays , businesses are one of those sectors that  
- ~~have a~~brings big opportunity and profit.  
- Some people argue that businesses  
- view ~~since~~as I believe that the presence of the businesses  
- play an important role in the society  
- and making contribution to the local community.  
  
- They have to make a profit to make t...  
- Businesses also have to ~~make~~create an income  
- ... the production processes ~~do not stop~~continues .  
  
There you have it Nuraini, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and I left the last two paragraphs so you can practice editing the essay yourself as this will also help you develop your editing skills and proof reading.
Hi Nuraini, I decided to continue with the modification of your essay so you will be able to see the difference of the edited one to the original draft that you have written.  
  
- However, I ~~think~~believe there are many  
- roles that businesses ~~have~~has to do aside  
- from ~~produce~~making profits.  
- It is related to the society.  
- They have to make contribution to the local community.  
- For instance, ~~open requirement in where are businesses located for job~~providing jobs to the local people as priority. - ~~By~~Through this,~~requirement~~ more  
- people will have a job,  
- and will surely ~~affected to~~improve the local community living standard.  
- This is one of the businesses role to increase the living standard of a local community~~'s name~~ .  
  
- ~~All in~~Over all, I believe that the presence  
- of businesses should not onlystrive for the money or profit. It has an important role ~~for~~to the society. Businesses also have to ~~make contribution on~~contribute to the local community.  
  
There you have it Nuraini, I hope the above remarks are helpful to the overall revision of your essay.
The advancement of technology has given enormous benefits towards world. Even in the translation of languages can be frequently observed. So some think that the learning of new languages cannot be supported, but I strongly disagree with the statement. This will discuss by analyzing both the inability of machines to translate the manner of speakers and the machines' hindrance to the translation of languages without consideration of context.  
  
Computer's translation may not express the approach of speakers. If the speakers say in different tones like surprisingly, the machine will not be able to state the emotions of them, whereas the human being can able to understand the idea of what speakers really mean. For example , in face-to-face communication, we can understand people judging from their expressions, tones, body gestures and so on. So people should not rely on only translators. For these reason, everyone should lean new language such as English to create effective and efficient communication in age of globalization.  
  
In addition, technology can only translate word for word without consideration of context. Although computer can do a satisfying job in scientific works, but when it comes to literature works, they cannot weigh every word according to different situations. For instant, if a poem by Shakespeare will be translated by it, so we can imagine how ridiculous the translation would be. Thus, their job cannot display the path of original works. It is because many want to learn different languages to realize the whole idea.  
  
To conclude, the new technology is incapable to present the mode of spokesman and the context of different languages. From this it become quite evident that those software will never take the place of our human beings as a translator or an interpreter, because their ability is decided by human beings.  
  
Hello everyone,  
  
pls check my writing n give me ur valuable suggestion . I m going to attend IELTS next month . so my correction is urgent.
Hi Tanjin,  
  
you should recheck your essay before you submit it on your exam, so that you can avoid misspelling such as **lean** (learn).  
Also, take some time to check your preposition also.  
  
Your 3rd paragraph which is the main point 2 of your essay, has a good point. However, the structure of your example quite confusing and consist of grammatical error.  
  
*For instant, if a poem by Shakespeare will be translated...*  
it should be:  
For **instance**, imagine a poem written by Shakespeare are translated using translation software, the results will sound so ridiculous because of word by word system, resulting in unmeaningful sentences.  
  
I like your structure and the words you've chosen. Good luck for the test!
Hi Tanjin, below are a few suggestions to enhance your essay and I would like to start from the title of your essay;  
  
- ~~Nowadays with~~The advances in technology and translation software ~~people~~are no longer needed to learn a new language  
  
1st paragraph  
- The advancement of technology has given us enormous benefits ~~towards world~~ .  
- Even in the translation of languages ~~can~~, this can be ~~frequently~~ observed.  
- ~~So~~Therefore, some people think  
- that ~~the~~ learning ~~of~~a new language~~s cannot be supported,~~should not be supported anymore,  
- but I strongly disagree with ~~the~~this statement.  
- This will be discussed by analyzing  
- and the machines~~'~~as hindrance  
- without the consideration of context.  
  
There you have it Tanjin, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and this is just the first paragraph,you can follow through and consider editing the rest of the essay yourself in order to build your editing and proof reading skills, following the examples above.
**The purpose of businesses is to make money and they should concentrate only on this. Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
In this modern era, there are many companies that have existed and growth. It happens because the owner is focus to make his company getting more benefits. However, I tend to disagree because lots of the other attention things must to do besides business itself.  
  
Giving the best effort is very essential for someone who have business and want to get plenty of money. People need to discipline and concentrate only in specific aspect. Also, the effect is that customers will trust their business and buy everything that they sell. As a result, they will earn much money because of hard-working and focus on purpose. For instance, in the past McDonald was small shop that sold little food. Because the owner had good spirit and focus on his restaurant, he could get a lot of incomes. Thus, people must do everything maximally and only focus with one specific thing especially for doing a business.  
  
Many things that companies need to focus on, such as social, environment, and the condition of their employee itself. The company cannot focus only to get much money, they have to remember about social effect which is very important to deal with. For instance, Pertamina has an activity to give a donation near the office to help poor people life better than before. So, companies do not have to focus only about getting money, but they have to understand about people who have given contribution to the company and it is better to share happiness to many people.  
  
To sum up, getting lots of money is essential for companies, but they have to thing about another aspect. In my opinion, I think company will grow quickly if they have awareness with other people and do not only thing about benefit for their company.
**Hi Mardian..  
Below are my suggestions to finalize your essay**  
  
It happens because the owner is focus to make his company getting more benefits  
IT HAPPENS BECAUSE THE OWNER FOCUS ON MAKING HIS COMPANY MORE BENEFITS.  
*you have to remember that each sentence only has one main verb.*  
  
... attention things must ~~to do~~ BE CONDUCTED, EXCEPT ~~besides~~ THE business itself.  
  
Turning to the body paragraph, I am gonna concentrate on the contents. Honestly, your explanation did not answer the question. The statement asked you to decide your position, agreement or disagreement. I know that your first paragraph reviewed about the disagreement. However, you were only likely to elucidate the ways to get more money.  
  
they will earn much money because of ...  
... focus on his restaurant, he could get a lot of incomes  
Many things that companies need to focus on, such as ...  
You should display the intro which can show your position.  
HOWEVER, MY VANTAGE POINT IS LIKELY TO THINK THAT THE COMPANY IS SUPPOSED TO DIVIDE CONCENTRATION TO A FEW SECTORS SUCH AS SOCIAL......  
  
... to get much money, **BUT** they have to r...  
*You cannot merge two sentences without the conjunction*  
  
focus only to  
focus only about  
*Avoid repetition and pay attention to collocation. "FOCUS ON"*  
  
So, companies do not have  
THEREFORE, the companies do  
*(there you need the linking word, not the conjunction)*  
  
Hopefully, those can help you to enhance your skill  
Keep writing  
GOOD LUCK
**Some organizations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance.  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.**  
  
Sometimes, workers are obligated to wear particular uniform or formal apparel in work. Some people argue that quality of working is more important. However, I think both of these situations are important to do equally.  
  
Some company provides uniform for employees based on work level and others do not, but they should dress smartly. It means that they must use formal, clean, and fresh clothes. For example, certain TV Company requires the camerapersons and broadcasting teams use the TV label uniform for denoting workers' identity. It benefits when they catch news with other TV station, residents will be easy to indicate where they are from. However, producers and managerial teams are freed to use other clothes by regulation that it should be formal look and suitable for work. Therefore, they can wear attire that makes them convenient. The company does this to brand good image while meet with clients and meet with other company.  
  
In my view, wearing properly is not enough for company to achieve their goals. The workers also should have good grade in work. They must have brilliant idea and good resolution. Because fashion and work quality value, hold each other in one package. For instance, General Manager, HRD, and Director who clothed deluxe have been known that they have good degree for working. It is not good for them too, if their appearance looks unlike their job position.  
  
Personally, I believe that all rules and regulations that have been fixed by company are good for company itself and for workers. Therefore, employees must comply it, even they dislike or unpleasant with it. Sometimes, it will motivate laborer to improve their grade to achieve the position where they can wear as convenient as they want.  
  
In conclusion, it is not enough for company to provide uniform and to be good looking without best potential of workers. It is also hard to build good image with well appearance only. It should be supported with high working ability. Therefore, both of these are important to complete each other. 335w
Hi Anna, it is a nice writing since you have a good ability in presenting your idea. However, I have some suggestion for you  
  
Some compan**ies** provides uniform (...) work level **while others order to**dress smartly.  
  
It means that they must ~~use~~wear formal, clean, ...  
... Company requires the ~~camera persons~~cameramen and broadcasting teams use the ~~TV label uniform~~company's outfit for denoting workers' identity.  
  
... news with other TV station, ~~residents will be easy~~it facilitates residents to indicate where ...  
  
... freed to use other clothes ~~by regulation that it should be~~as long as it is formal look and ...  
  
... to provide uniform ~~and to~~in order to be good looking without ...  
  
It is also hard to build good image with well appearance only. It should be supported with high working ability.  
**Since good image is not only gained from appearance but quality of work as well.**  
  
Keep writing. Best regards
Dear Anna, here are some advices for your writing, feel free to correct me,  
  
- in your thesis statement, you should elaborate your ideas by giving why and how for both sides  
  
- I think your first sentence in your 1st paragraph tells the reason why they should wear uniform, well, in my view, at first you should paraphrase your idea than tell your reason afterwards. Besides, you should tell how they should support your reason before you write your example.  
  
- certain TV Company requires the camerapersons and broadcasting teams ... -->  
  
*The camerapersons and broadcasting teams whom use the TV label uniform for denoting workers' identity obeying TV company rules.*  
  
wearing properly is not enough for ... -->  
  
*wearing properly is not mandatory for them to achieve their goals while working in any company*  
  
Hope it helps your writing,  
  
Regards
Dear Anna94, Here some advices for your writing and feel free for correcting me too!  
  
~~Sometimes, workers are obligated to [...] situations are important to do equally.~~*(In your introduction, it is better for you to paraphrase the prompt first. After that, put your idea about both views according to the prompt)*  
  
**Some companies claimed that appearance is the most important for the employees, while others stated that quality of work is more influential. (give your idea about both views according to this)**  
  
Some ~~company~~**companies** provides uniform (...) on work level ~~and~~**while** others do not, but ...  
  
*(For body 1 and 2, it is better for you to explain your idea about both views. And also put your own opinion in the last sentence of each body paragraph to make readers easily to know about your idea)*  
  
*(In conclusion, besides paraphrase your idea about the topic, give your suggestion or recommendation)*  
  
Overall, your writing is good enough, but you have to write more for developing your skills. Regards
***The table gives the results of two surveys, in 1997 and 2006, in which people were asked which communication skills were essential in their jobs.***  
  
The table gives information about the percentage of people's opinion in 1997 and 2006 toward several communication skills including internal and external that were important to use in working. Overall, dealing with people showed the most important communication externally and selling a product was the less effective. The most important internal communication was listening carefully to colleagues and the reverse was making speeches or presentations.  
  
To begin, four external communications were essential for working in 1997 and 2006. Dealing with people was chosen by 60 and 65 percent people respectively as the most. Knowledge of particular product service was a slight increase from 35 to 41 percent. It was the second larger essential. People decided that advising or caring for customers and clients also was essential to apply in work with increasing of number between 36 and 39. However, selling a product or service fell by 3%. Generally, it had an upward trend.  
  
In 1997, listening carefully to colleagues obtained 38 percent and went up in 2006 to 40%. Making speeches or presentation was the lowest important between 7 and 11 percent. Three skills got the same numbers of quarrel around five from 1997 to 2006. There were instructing or training people, persuading or influencing others, and analyzing problems together with others. 204w  
  
*
Hi Anna,  
I would like to give you several inputs and remarks in order to improve your writing skill, especially when it is related to IELTS writing task 1. I hope the detailed descriptions below would be helpful.  
  
1st paragraph:  
- ...important to ~~use in working~~be used in their works.  
- Overall, it is noticeable that / it can be seen that dealing with people showed the most important external communication ~~externally~~ and selling a product was the ~~less effective~~least essential .  
  
- ~~The most important internal communication was~~Listening carefully to colleagues was appeared to be the highest percentage and the ~~reverse~~opposite was making speeches or presentations. (using variations of active and passive senences would be beneficial in improving grammatical range and accuracy score.)  
  
2nd paragraph:  
- To begin with , four external communications...  
- ... 60 and 65 percent of people respectively as the ~~most~~highest percentage .  
- ... product service ~~was~~experienced/saw/witnessed a slight increase ...  
- ... for customers and clients ~~also was~~was also essential to be~~apply in~~applied at work ~~with increasing of number~~at approximately between 36 and 39.
Hi Nur, here's another one from my end and it starts with the title;  
  
- The ~~Important~~Importance of Communication Skills ~~in Working~~at Work  
  
- ... information ~~about~~on the percentage  
- ... 1997 and 2006 towards several  
- ~~were~~are important to use ~~in~~while working.  
- ... the most important external communication ~~externally~~  
- ... internal communication ~~was~~is  
  
- To begin with , four external communications  
- ~~were~~are essential ~~for~~when working in ...  
- as the most important form of communication skill .  
-Knowledge of a particular product or service ~~was~~has a slight increase from 35 to 41 percent.  
- It was the second ~~large~~most~~r~~ essential part in dealing with people .  
- ~~was~~is essential to  
- apply ~~in~~at work with an increasing ~~of~~ number between 36 and 39.  
  
There you have it Nur, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your analysis essay and for future writing reference, do work on your sentence construction as seen above and I hope you follow through.
Hello Anna!  
Allow me to give you some suggestion.  
  
*Dealing with people was chosen by 60 and 65 percent people ...*  
**It will better if you make comparison on it since 60 and 65 percent was taken in different time.**  
... 60 percent people in 1997 then it increased by 5 percent over 9 years in 2006.  
  
Knowledge of particular product service **was a sligh**t increase ...  
It**was the**second larger essential.  
... customers and clients also **was essential** to apply in work...  
These bold word shows repitition styles. You have to make a different style for each sentence if it is possible.  
  
Hope it helps you :)
Hello, i will give you suggestion:  
1. Be careful to be(is, am, are, was, were) using, there are some mistake:  
  
... internal communication ~~was~~is listening carefully (...) the reverse ~~was~~is making speeches or presentations  
  
2. Check your conjunction and preposition using:  
  
To beginwith four external communications ...  
  
... was chosen ~~by~~at 60 and 65 percent ...  
  
It was the second ~~larger~~largest essential
**Writing Task II (Page 40 Unit 5)  
The purpose of businesses is to make money and they should concentrate only on this.  
Do you agree or disagree?  
  
Give reasons for you answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.**  
  
Today, business is the one's tool of people earns money, However, as the way for earn money, some people occasionally only make money as a priority of behind the business that he has built. In this case, I disagree with the statements. I think the most important aims of business created is not money but the utilized of the firm in products or services which produced is number one.  
  
I have been seen some examples of business collapsed because of not given customer wants. Due to for reached a lot of benefits the owner has ignored the quality and ultimate useful side of his products or services provided. Sometimes, the owner only focuses on thinking about how much money or maximum profitable that he can produce by his business and being underestimated with the main purpose of business where it must be stay stand up for a long time until the future. This is an example of a businessman who traps of money profitable mindset by his business, just called his as mister X. He has built some laundry service in around of his residence places, he believes that laundry business very appropriate with his neighborhood who always busy or major of an executive that not have too much time for wash their clothes and must need his services. Then, he was briefly to build some counters for his business. However, he has focused on earned maximum incomes in shortly time and then lost his focus on giving excellent services to his customers. At the last, the customers should be move to other places when not satisfied with the services.  
  
Based on the example story above, we can see that when the businessman only focuses on maximum profitable or money priority, he will become greedy for spending their capitals just for one business idea and less thinking about an innovation or strategy for sustain the customers intends to use the service that he provided. On the other hand, there are will be there any competitor in the same core business, and smart marketing skills also innovation more important rather than concerning on money profitable in business. So its conclusion due to those reasons, to sum up, my opinion is opponents with the statements asked.  
  
(372 WORDS)