dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***Task: People have freedom to work and live anywhere in the world due to the development of communication technology and transportation.  
## Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?***  
  
In the contemporary life, there is a common trend that thanks to the advances in interactive technology and transport, it is possible for humans to have jobs and accommodate in any areas of the world. From my perspective, the drawbacks of this tendency are outweighed by its benefits.  
  
Freely choosing working and living places are still disadvantageous to some certain extent. Firstly, this could complicate the control of governments for their territories. Some remote areas which were deserted in the past are now needed to be taken care of because having people's lives means different problems such as crimes, environmental pollution or poverty can exist. Therefore, only by supervising them can ensure the stability and settlement. Secondly, settling in new regions requires a large amount of money for constructing facilities and infrastructure, which can guarantee the standards of living for the residents. For example, if there is an expectation of sheltering and working in the North Pole, where the only existing buildings are igloos of researchers and scientists, necessary constructions hospitals, schools and workplaces will be set up.  
  
However, I would argue that the merits of having freedom to select working and living locations are more worth being taken into consideration. In terms of the personal advantage, this tendency enables workers to choose the most adequate occupations. Regardless of distances, it is easy for them to do their favourite jobs since transportation is currently widely covered over the world. Even authorities do not have to worry about the difficulty in managing those areas when they can easily get access to them. Moreover, from the social perspectively, allowing people to live everywhere can significantly ease the population pressure in major cities. Specifically, instead of clustering in a small number of metropolises, citizens can move to new established areas where governments also invest money in building facilities and ensuring the quality of life. This also shows that the investment in these areas is worth doing.  
  
In conclusion, for the aformentioned discussions, despite some certain shortcomings of choosing living and working places flexibly, it seems to me that its benefits are more significant.  
  
I find almost challenging to generate ideas for this essay and have spent nearly all of the 40 minutes' time to write this. Hope to have some of your suggestions. Thank you!
Okay. You have not really delivered a clear opinion in the essay. You have not properly defended a single opinion based on the given discussion instruction. You must make sure that your 2 reasoning paragraphs are solely focused on delivering 2 reasons that support a single opinion. That is how you write this essay. It is because you did not clearly support a discussion angle that you found it difficult to write this essay.  
  
All of these essays are based on a simple ground rule. Use your personal opinion based on personal experience, preference, knowledge, or public information. So when you feel that you are unfamiliar with a given topic, or you are unsure about what to write about, look for the clue in the discussion instruction. In this case the clue to writing this is based on whether you believe it is an advantage or disadvantage.  
  
Consider then how you would like to work. If you were working now, would you like to have the ability to work remotely? If yes, why? If no, why? Answer that basic question and you will have your opinion based on your personal preference. Now, based on that preference, think about the 2 main reasons that pushed you towards that point of view. You will then have the 2 subject topics for your 2 reasoning paragraphs. For each paragraph, take one topic and expand on that reason through the use of supporting examples and explanations. Before you know it, you will have a proper outline and discussion draft for your essay.
@Holt  
Thank you for your thorough feedback.  
In my opinion, the question of this task requires us to discuss both the advantages and disadavantages of the given trend, and give our opinion. Therefore, I've discussed the disadvantages in the 1st body and indicated the advantages and the reasons why the disadvantages are insignificant in the 2nd body.  
  
I think discussing both the pros and cons is the requirement of this task.  
Hope to receive your reply soon.
## Toronto metro system graph

  
  
The line graph shows the passenger activity of Toronto metro system in different period of the daytime.  
Overall, two periods illustrate the same trend of using train: from 7 - 10h in the morning and from 4 - 8h in the afternoon. Additionally, the use of the train system was lowest at 6 am and 4 pm.  
  
In the morning, starting at 6 am, 100,000 people were commuting by train. This figure increased gradually after that and reached a peak of 400,000 at 8 am. The number of train travelers saw a dramatic fall to half at 10 pm, then rose slowly to 300 thousand passengers and mostly stayed the same during the next two hours.  
  
At 4h in the afternoon, 400 thousand people were using the train, the lowest point of all. By contrast, in the next two hours, the graph witnessed a sharp increase in the demand for train commuting, again reaching the highest point before experienced a gradual decrease to nearly 150,000. The amount continued to fluctuate between 150,000 and 200,000 people after 8 pm.  
  
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Hi! Here are some feedback:  
  
First of all, you should include the question so that we can see if you have paraphrase it or not.  
  
- " different period of the daytime."  
--> The statistics were recorded until 10PM, so I don't think that you should use the word "daytime".  
  
- "... same trend of using train: from 7 - 10h in the morning ..."  
--> You should say that the top figures occur at 8am and 6pm. These are the "overall" data that you should mention.
There is a discrepancy in your time description. The trains were used until 10 PM at night, not 8 PM. So you offered inaccurate information that would have affected the clarity and validity of your report. You would have given inaccurate data representation, causing your TA to be questionable.  
  
In your second paragraph, you said that the travellers showed a decline at 10 PM but rose afterwards. That can't be right either. I mean, the commuting stopped at 10 PM. So how could there be a gradual rise in use? You really have a problematic analysis of the line graph here. This won't be good for your final score.
## Many animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land and in sea.

  
***What are the reasons for this and what can be done to solve this issue?***  
  
It is true that a large number of animal species are likely to be extinct as human activities affect their habitats .Although this problem can be contributed by a host of reasons ,some feasible solutions should be considered to address this .  
  
There are a number of reasons why human activities can cause animal extinction .First ,on land ,since people have been destroying animal habitats when enormous areas of rainforests have been cut down in recent years . In fact , some animal species can not find another home to live in, while others face difficulties adapting to a new environment ,which can put these species at a higher risk of extinction .Second, in sea , tourism in coast areas has an adverse impact on marine environment .For instance , waste discharged along the coast contaminates water and poses a serious threat to marine creatures in these areas. Final, human activities , including intense fishing and overexploitation are resulting in damage to the marine ecosystem . In fact , overfishing could directly affect the food chain as it causes the number of many fish species to decline dramatically in the short term .In the similar way , oil spills during the extraction process ,for example ,have killed thousands of marine species .  
  
There are several actions that could be taken to mitigate the problem . Firstly , stricter punishments should be imposed for illegal logging ,deforestation ,overfishing and overexploitation ,this helps people who intentionally break the law ,think twice about an expensive price if they across the line .Secondly ,governments should require businesses and factories to install proper waste treatment systems ,which helps curb a huge amount of hazardous waste discharged into environment ,saving millions of animal lives .  
  
In conclusion , there are various factors leading to animal extinction and some measures can be implemented to tackle this issue.
Hi. All in all, your ideas are quite good. However, you should balance the number of idea in your causes part. I mean you have 3 ideas for "in sea" but only 1 idea for "on land". Perhaps it should be 2-2.  
  
+ "final" should be "finally"  
+ "think" in your solution part should be higher band word. For example "ponder".  
+ synonyms of "extinction" should be used.  
+ you should have a general statement to grab attention before jumping into topic.
The essay you have written is very weak. The opening paraphrase does not really represent the original prompt and the concluding sentence does not even try to properly summarize the discussion points. As for the discussion points, while you did present a paragraph for reasons and a paragraph for solutions, these are not effective presentations at all.  
  
The effectiveness of your reason and solution paragraphs are not contained merely in the number of reasons presented, it is found within the explanation of each instead. So for each reasoning paragraph, you should present 2 connected reasons, one for land and one for sea. The paragraph should be fully developed with related examples and explanations that support the connected reasons. The solutions should function the same way. The solutions should be somehow connected to the land and sea reasons. So the discussion about saving the habitat works for both scenarios and should have been the sole solution presented and developed in the explanation. Remember, the cohesiveness aspect of the score comes from the clear connection of your topic discussions. They have to relate and connect the first and second reasoning paragraphs otherwise, it just isn't going to work to help improve your C&C score.  
  
Fully develop your reasoning paragraphs, don't just enumerate discussion topics. Without a clear explanation, your essay will be deemed under developed and be scored lower than what your real potential might have been.
@dinhquynhmai  
Thank you for your advice a lot.I will try to write better and take care of my weak points. I have 2 months to write essays before i will take a real ielts exam. Hope you may help me in the next times .  
  
@Holt  
Thank a million of you advice. I will try to focus more on my weak points of my writing. Hope you can help me in the next times.
## TASK 1: Source of energy in the USA in 1980 and 1990

  
  
The pie charts compare the amount of energy taken from five different sources in the US between 1980 and 1990.  
  
Overall, varied fluctuations were occurring in the proportion of these fuel sources over the given time. However, oil remained as the biggest energy provider, while power from the water was little exploited over the course of 10 years.  
  
In 1980, oil accounted for nearly half of the national energy prior to suddenly dropping by 8%, at 33%, in the next years, yet played as the preferred power of all. Sharing the same pattern, the proportion of energy coming from natural gas dropped slightly, from 26% in 1980 to 25% in 1990. Meanwhile, hydroelectric power remained unchanged during the timescale, accounting for only one-twentieth of the total energy.  
  
Conversely, a noticeable increase was recorded in both nuclear and coal power. Starting off at 22%, the percentage of energy generated from coal rose up to 27%, overtaking that of natural gas to be the second-highest in 1990. Remarkably, the amount of nuclear power grew twofold ten years later with the initial number being the same as hydroelectric power, at 5%.  
  
p/s: I challenged myself with pie chart this time. Hope to hear from all of you.  
  
*
Hi! Here are some suggestions for you:  
  
- "varied fluctuations were occurring ..."  
There are 2 mistakes in this sentence:  
1/ "Fluctuation" is a wrong word choice. You should use this word in line graph essays where you can see how the data change over some points in time. In this case, you are comparing 2 points of time only.  
  
2/ "were occurring" --> "occured" (simple past)  
  
- "In 1980, oil accounted for nearly half ..."  
--> Personally, I find this sentence difficult to follow, maybe there's a better way to write it?
You should be combining your trending statement with the rest of the summary overview for a far more effective 3 paragraph essay presentation. You should also include a listing of the energy sources in the summary overview to fully inform the reader about the general content and data basis for your information in the 2 reporting paragraphs. By the way, you should indicate the number of images you will be comparing in the summary overview.  
  
There are only 2 years presented in the pie charts so I am wondering why you said "in the next years" when you should have been referring to the next decade, if that is what you were referring to in the sentence. The last paragraph does not indicate the year where the increase was recorded. This makes that sentence misleading and difficult to understand.
Hi! I am taking my first IELTS test in 2 weeks, please leave some comments! I highly appreciate a detailed band score too.  
  
Thank you for your time and support!  
  
## TASK 2: Sports Sponsorship

  
  
**TOPIC: Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think there are disadvantages to this.  
  
Discuss both sides and give your opinion.**  
  
*WORD COUNT: 276*  
  
As the competition between businesses getting more intense over time, so must do their advertising methods. Many companies choose to fund sports as a way to increase their publicity. I think that this is a good strategy, however, some drawbacks should also be weighed.  
  
On the one hand, sports sponsorship has good intentions. Without extra funding, many sports events may have lacked the resource to run, and players receive inadequate support. For that reason, any companies that put the investment into these activities in need easily gain the public's fondness. For instance, Nestle Milo is famous for setting up annual intramural sports games for young Vietnamese. This campaign of Milo has been so successful that the company's image ties a strong bond with many youth athletics activities, and is widely recognized in Vietnam. By reaching a mass audience, Milo escalates its milk sales significantly.  
  
On the other hand, sports advertisement is not suitable for all businesses. Small companies with limited finances may have little impact on an event such that their contributions are not recognized by the public. Furthermore, if their product placements cannot stand-out, small businesses can be lost in the sea of more powerful competitors. To take an example, the large majority of people will recall Red Bull when they think of Formula 1 series. The truth is these racing events are funded by above 20 corporations but all are overwhelmed by the giant drinking company.  
  
To sum up, sports sponsorship by its nature brings benefits to all parties. I support this way of marketing. However, this advertisement strategy does bring some disadvantages as mentioned and should be put into consideration by all corporations.
I will not be scoring this essay because the discussion format is incorrect. I believe this is your first time writing a comparative essay with personal opinion. It would not be right for me to score this when you obviously are not familiar with the discussion requirements and format for the essay presentation. Let's get to work on informing you first, then you can write an essay about a different topic, but using the same discussion format. I will score that one instead.  
  
This is a public opinion discussion with a personal point of view. It is a 5 paragraph presentation. The format is:  
  
Par. 1: Prompt paraphrase without the personal opinion  
Par. 2: 1st Public POV explanation using gender free / group pronouns  
Par. 3: 2nd Public POV presentation, again with gender free / group pronouns  
Par. 4: Personal opinion indicating a support for one of the two public opinions presented. Use first person pronouns in this paragraph.  
Par. 5: Concluding summary that restates the previous discussion  
  
You have to use the gender free or group pronouns in the first 2 reasoning paragraphs because the discussion focuses on; "Some companies" and "Some people". These indicate public opinion discussion reference points within the essay. You should be able to prove that you understand the topic well enough to explain both sides of the public discussion spectrum. You do that by presenting a general discussion, but referring to group pronouns or, gender free pronouns to make it clear to the reader whose opinion is being addressed in the paragraph.  
  
The 4 paragraph system of discussion is the more common type of discussion format. This one is kind of advanced in presentation which is why I am starting you off on the basic discussion format first. After you become familiar with the discussion style, I can start teaching you the more advanced discussion method. For now, I need you to learn to separate your discussion paragraphs based on specific content first. It is the best way to familiarize yourself with the discussion format.
## cement and concrete production

  
  
**I'm preparing for the IELTS test, therefore I really need your help to promote my writing skill.**  
The diagrams given illustrate how to make cement and the way cement is used in concrete production for construction aim.  
As can be seen from the two pictures, the process of cement producing starts with crushing and ends with packaging after three other main phases of the process, whereas there is only one step in the concrete making method.  
  
The first diagram depicts how cement is made. In the first stage, raw materials including limestone and clay are crushed into powder. These crushed ingredients then are mixed well together before being delivered to the next equipment in the subsequent step. In this stage, a machine called rotating heater is operated to heat the compound of crushed limestone and clay to a specific temperature. The end product, which is one of the major materials of concrete, then comes out after being ground by a grinder and is packaged in identical bags in the final phase.  
  
The other diagram shows concrete production. This building substance is made by mixing four elements namely cement, water, sand and gravel with the exact rate 15%, 10%, 25% and 50% respectively.  
  
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Try to be more specific with your image descriptions. Don't just call these diagrams. Describe these as "illustrative diagrams" since these are drawings of 2 different procedures. Additionally, you should mention that these are 2 separate diagrams early on. Within the first sentence if possible. You should have divided the run on sentence in the first paragraph. It is too long and should be divided into at least 2 separate sentences for that part of the presentation.  
  
The second paragraph is acceptable. However, the last paragraph is another run on sentence that does not properly analyze the concrete production instruction. Do not compress all of the information into a single sentence. That type of presentation will always be confusing and unclear to the reader. The only way to maintain clarity in this presentation is for you to be specific about the procedure explanation. Look at the diagram for cement, there are still phases of mixing before you arrive at a concrete product. Depict the procedures to create the 3-5 minimum sentence requirement.
## a longer life and higher life expectancy

  
  
**One of the consequences of medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disavantages?** (WRITTING TASK 2)  
  
A longer life and higher life expectancy are acknowledge as a result of a development in the medical care. Although this improvement has its benefits, I believe that its disadvantages could be more important.  
  
On the one hand, a longer life could be a chance for the old to enjoy the rest of their life with their family. They could spend more time to do things that they have not done in their adulthood. For example, adults usually struggle to earn money and work hard to get success, so they could miss some experiences such as travelling or learing some instrument. Because of that, living longer will help them finish their wishes.  
  
On the other hand, I think this improvement in the health care will lead to some negative impacts. Firstly, retired people could be feel lonely between their family members because those members also struggle to make earnings as the old before. They also could be a burden if they have health problems and need to be looked after to recover. Secondly, they could become a social problem due to the higher life expectancy. The population will be aged, which leads to the loss of human resoures. For instance, some countries now are being in the face of lacking of human resources because of the great number of people retired.  
  
In conclusion, even though living longer and having a healthy life expectancy can make the elderly happier, its negative impacts on family members and society should not be underestimated.
Hi. There are some problems in your essay from my point of view.  
1. Intro:  
+ should be "acknowledged"  
+ You should have a general statement that hooks reader before jumping into issue.  
2. Development:  
+ "For example, adults...": "adults" should be "the young" to make contrast.  
+ In each particular period, people have particular desires. I mean "travelling" or "learning instrument" are not suitable for the old due to their aging brain and body. You can change the idea into something more suitable with the old.  
  
+ "I think" should be "I believe" or "I suppose".  
+ I understand your first idea in your "negative part" but you should express it by clearer sentence. I mean you should choose the other words or seperate your sentence.  
  
+ Varied structure should be used in your essay instead of SVO sentence. Almost sentences in your essay are SVO.  
+ You should find out some synonyms of "living longer" instead of repeating it many times.  
These are my personal comments on your writilting. I am just a student, not master. Thus maybe I am wrong in something.