dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## salary in a work consideration

  
  
**topic: When choosing a job, the salary is the most important. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?**  
  
Career choice is one of the most important decisions people have to make carefully. Some people believe that the income is a key factor to secure a job. From my perspective, I disagree with the statement. My view is there are certain aspects which are more significant than the salary when people choose their jobs.  
  
First of all, a passion for one job plays an indispensable role when people decide their occupations more than high salaries. In other words, career choices must be based on people's likes and what they have burning desires for. Job seekers should look for careers which are suitable with their personalities and their dreams instead of following high-paid jobs. Simply because a favorite career gives rise to high job satisfaction. It creates joyfulness and make employees delighted in working. As a result of high job satisfaction, workers will run their business more efficiently and in a much more productive way. Employees will be motivated to work and be creative during working time as they are doing what they have passions for. It is obvious that career choices will affect long-term life. Staff may, therefore, torture themselves with stress and negative emotions if they have well-paid jobs but not their passions.  
  
Another criterion when seeking an occupation is working conditions. Even though handsome income will help workers to meet their requirements, they will certainly have a sense of dissatisfaction if they have to work in primitive conditions. For instance, the company lacks modern devices and updated machines, which helps worker conduct effectively. The shortage of equipment may cause the staff become exhausted to fulfill their tasks. Moreover, attitude of co-workers is vitally important when the work needs staff cooperation. People may get demotivated if they cannot get along well with their co-workers. It is inevitable that a good working environment results in the efficiency in working. Consequently, job seekers should look for a favorable working conditions which provide people an incentive to work harder in place of a high salary job but cannot work satisfactorily.  
  
All in all, although it is necessary to find a career which offers a high sum, I personally think that job satisfaction is by far the most important, including a work that people are interested in and work atmosphere. Workers cannot apply an occupation without considering about what they have strong feelings for or how good the working conditions are. Consequently, when applying a job, aside from the salaries, job satisfaction must be taken into consideration.  
  
Thanks in advance!!
Linh, you have done an excellent job of discussing this topic. Your language use and control is admirable and helped you to create a higher level of English writing, regardless of the minimal existence of grammar issues in your paragraphs. This is one of the few times that the essay writer has been able to accurately discuss and represent the prompt requirements to the point where the discussion presented actually has serious consideration value. The examiner will immediately notice that you took the time to perfect the writing of this essay which, by the way, could easily score anywhere between a 6 and a 7. It is this perfection that makes me wonder if you wrote the essay within the time limit or if you wrote it without regard for the actual exam parameters. If you wrote this beyond the required time, I strongly suggest that you try to write this way while practicing the time requirement. There is not much to critique in this essay because you show a clear understanding of the prompt and the ability to form simple to somewhat complex English sentences. Good job!
***Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace (e.g. at home, when travelling, etc.)  
Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?***  
  
## Employee Benefits

  
  
As integral part of human life, people are so depend on developing technology and it alters them in working place. Smartphone, laptop or personal computer can be used by workers without going to their office. While questions have been regarding the positive impact that information technology in office, these definitely outweigh the drawbacks.  
  
The immense benefit is felt by employer in city center. They always meet traffic congestion in the morning and in the afternoon and it will consume much time so people depression boost. Due to working at home, they can save their time, money and they never feel stress. As an illustrate, entrepreneurs will spend their time in the way because they must be negotiated with their partners and always have high mobility. Owing to boosting technology, they still work in vehicles and can be conveyed with clients. They also can make job planning in cars.  
  
On the other hand, the using mobile phone making people become individualism. The employers will work in their home and this causes them to be less socialization with their neighbor. They only concentrate on finishing the job and by using telecommunicate they have rarely made communication with other people. In addition, using telecommunicate tools in public transportation can increase incidences of crimes such as thieve. Makassar, on of big city in Indonesia, also common in criminality. People who see their valuable goods such as smartphone or laptop always become thieve target.  
  
Henceforth, it can be confidently conveyed that, workers can be aided by information technology and ensure completing the jobs. However, people must aware in surrounding. Even though the using technology has negative impacts, these outweigh benefits.
Hermin, you have really tried to apply yourself to the writing of this essay. Unfortunately, it still was not good enough. The highest score you can get with this essay is most likely a 4. That is because the way that you developed your discussion is unclear and confusing to the reader. It causes undue stress to anyone who is reading your work because the sense of logic is missing and the clarity of the paragraph does not come through. It takes a number of multiple readings on the part of the reader before he can get a better idea of what it is that you are trying to say. You have just started to write in English so I can understand why your work is turning out this way. Using the advice that you are given, I am hoping to see some sort of improvement in your writing skills over the coming days. Concentrate on making your paragraphs or key sentences understandable in order to improve your scores.
***The diagram shows how tealeaves are processed into five tea types. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.***  
  
## Process of tea production

  
  
The provided diagram describes about how to produce five variations among tealeaves. In general trend, there are several stages in the process, starting with plucking the leaf and culminating in an oven. Moreover, there are also different stages which is depended on different products.  
  
To begin, there are similarity stages from each type. The leaves which have been growth will be plucked. After plucking process, the leaves are withered by sun. The finally stage is also had similarity because all of leaves must be undergone in an oven. However, there are some steps which are differentiated to produce variation of tea.  
  
The subsequent stages, white tea can be made from this similarity. Meanwhile, green tea and oolong tea have addition stages. The former process is passed through by steaming process to result exothermic reaction then it will be rolled. The latter is not only occurred rolling process but also the addition process producing oolong tea is fermented slightly. Producing large and small leaf black tea are fermented fully, but the obvious different both of them are crushing and rolling process. Large tea is experienced rolling process, but the small must be crushed.  
  
*
@tamtamii  
  
hi Tami, your essay has a compact idea that turn into nice writing. Unfortunately, sometimes you forget to make clear that you tend to write while your writing is over explain that mentioned in the passage.  
  
For example:  
  
-starting with plucking the leaf and culminating in an oven > culminating in drying  
solution; make it balance out between sides, also "oven" is not process but it is something.  
  
-the leaves are withered by sun. "sun" is not mentioned in the diagram despite withering is a process to drying.  
  
keep writing  
bonne courage
Hermin, I realize that you want to show an in-depth analysis of the tea making process that you provided with. However, it is not good for your essay to make up information that is not included in the illustration you were given. The sun isn't mentioned anywhere in the process and therefore, should not be included in your summary. You are expected to provide an accurate and analytical summary of the information that you are provided with. That means you cannot include information, such as an "exothermic reaction" when it is not indicated in the process. You also missed out on mentioning the process of "steaming". I think that you mistook the "steaming" process for an "oven" process. Those should not be interchanged because steaming is a totally different process from oven roasting, which is what you are implying in your essay. Basically, you have the right idea as to how to approach the essay. It is the execution that turned out to be flawed so you only got a score of 4 for the essay.
**The three pie charts show the change in annual spending by local authorities in Someland in 1980, 1990 and 2000.**  
  
## government spendings on six aspects in three decades

  
  
The pie charts compare about the percentage of annual expenditure which Someland's local government spend in six aspects in three decades (1980, 1990 and 2000). Overall, it is interesting to notice that the local government spent most budget for higher education, while they allocated least for other aspect.  
  
At the beginning of period, education and transportation got bigger fund then others. The local government expended almost a half of their budget for higher education during the period. In contrast, although lower education stood at a quarter in the first decade, it decreased gradually to 18% in the end of the period. About 16% of annual outgoings was spent on transportation in 1990, and it rose to 22 percent in the end of period thought the middle decade showed a 16% less than the end of period.  
  
On the other hand, the rest aspects such as environmental services, health and human resources, and other gained only under a fifth of expenditure. Other fell slightly during the period, while environment services faced a slowly grow over three decades. Health and human resource aspect went down to 10% in 2000 although it raised 20% in the1990.  
  
*
***Hi Agus**, I have read your writing closely. There I found a few things you are supposed to fix them.  
Firstly, if you wanna achieve a high score, pay attention to the collocation of your word. For example, you wrote "spend in" although word "spend" relates to the preposition "on". This is actually a minor error, but that can reduce your score on condition that you do repetitively. After that, please keep in your mind that the good paragraph should have at least three sentences to meet the requirement. You can separate your overview to become two sentences so that you can build the good paragraph.  
  
Turning to the body paragraph, you actually made comparisons in your sentence. However, you have to be more aware of the number. If you wanna compare the percentage of the figure, you are used to including the beginning position such as the percentage of the education sector. Following this, double check your sentence. You have to make sure what your write is what you mind. In the first sentence of the second body paragraph, you didn't put the time information. Be careful of that treatment because it can make your score falls.  
  
Hopefully, these can help you for finalizing your writing  
GOOD LUCK*
halo @Philipfeng  
  
I think that your essay is quite good. I found in first and second paragraph that your idea and the explanation is excellent but for the next paragraph I think that you out of the question because you only explain about how to reduce rent house. It does not relation with your question that asking about how allowed or not allowed overseas student to look for job while they are studying. For my suggestion, you have to focus on one idea then you develop it with your own explanation.
Philip, your essay has a number of grammatical problems. The first problem, is your fondness for using the word "Because" to start a sentence. The term "because" is a connecting word that is used to connect a previous idea with the next idea. Therefore, it cannot be used to start a sentence as you very often do in this essay. You also have a problem completing the thoughts in your sentences. You often place a period at the end of a sentence that has yet to complete its thought presentation. This creates a hanging sentence which, does not help create an authoritative image of yourself as a writing student. You have a tendency to discuss more than one topic per paragraph. This makes it difficult to keep track of the information and also, creates confusion when it comes to deciphering what you really want to say in the paragraph. Try to limit each paragraph to one idea or two connected ideas per paragraph. That way the reader doesn't get stressed out trying to keep track of the conversation you are presenting.
**Any new technological development in the recent years is a boon or curse for the society in general?**  
  
## society in the technology era

  
  
Usually, we see people holding various opinions with regard to the advantages of current twenty-first-century technological developments on the society. Some people are under the impression that there are many advantages of technology and it has changed the way we live our lives. Whereas we get to see some other people have an opinion contrary to the above one. In my opinion, I strongly believe that the current day breakthroughs in the area of technology has had changed the way we think and live our lives. Of course, we can not completely overlook the disadvantages of it.  
  
First of all, It is undeniable fact that technology has changed and impacted everyone's life on the earth. Firstly, The invention of the state-of-art modern computer has made the significant difference in all the industries. Secondly, the invention of smartphones and smart devices have changed the conventional communication and people can speak and interact with each other from any part of the world easily. Furthermore, the transport industry has changed and adopted the new technology because of this the people are highly benefited. The travellers can book the tickets online and can know the live status about their travel.  
  
On the other hand, while there may be benefits to this technological revolution, there also a number of potential dangers. Perhaps the most serious of these would be that if people rely more on computers too much for communication, they could, in fact, begin to communicate less well. For example, if every family member had their own computer screen and smart phone, they might speak less often to one another. This would be serious because our ability to communicate is an essential part of our humanity.  
  
In conclusion, I strongly believe that the further advances in computer technology are inevitable, but this may not be entirely negative. The current technological advancements have changed the way we live our lives and It has the great impact on our day to day activities. thus, the more breakthroughs in technology are a boon than a ban to the society.
@venkat\_writting  
hay Venkat, your idea on your essay quite good, but there are several problems that i found on it. so i give you some advice, perhaps it can make your essay better  
  
\*There are several problem with grammar and you have to focus on it, for example: *twenty-first-century*, you can say *"the first-twenty-century*...........in the area of technology has had changed: *had changed*  
  
\*There are so many generalization. Pay attention in making statement that can generalize something. we can not completely overlook the disadvantages of it.it is generalization statement I think. Because may several people argue that it has disadvantage, not all.  
  
In body paragraph 2, in multiple-idea paragraph, you have to give short explanation on it, because the reader cannot understand the idea that you wrote, it is unclear idea.  
  
\*There are repetition sentence on your conclusion paragraph, you may repeat the idea but you have to paraphrase it: The current technological advancements have changed the way we live our lives
**Topic:  
fossil fuels are the main sources in many countries, but in some countries the use of alternative sources of energy is encouraged. is it a postive or negative development?**  
  
## Fossil Fuels vs Alternative Energy Sources

  
  
The consumption of fossil flues witnesses a dramatic increase in many parts of the world, while renewable clean energy sources are also applied in some advanced countries. I am supportive of the view that the utilization of renewable energy has a positive impact on environment and people's lives.  
  
First of all, over-consumption of fossil resources can pollute and destroy local ecosystem. These valuable fossil fuels will be irreplaceable if they are depleted. Meanwhile enormous disasters, such as floods, sand storms and acid rain, can occur frequently, since the balance of ecosystem has been destroyed during fossil fuel exploration and development.  
  
Furthermore, the generation of fossil flues can have an adverse impact on people's living standard, especially the healthy condition. The toxin released from fossil flues can pose a severe threat on people's health, even damaging life. In China, for instance, citizens today have to wear mask when they are outside, as the result of contamination particle generated from fossil fuels.  
  
In contrast, the popularity of renewable energy can either satisfy people's daily demands or mitigate the environment impact caused by human activities. Wind power, solar panels and hydroelectric power are unlikely to generate toxic gas and emit pollutant and rather cheap, so the optimal use of such alternatives is more likely to accelerate social development in a sustainable way.  
  
In conclusion, replacing fossil fuels with other forms of energy is undoubtedly a positive revolution, since such improvement can minimize pollution to a large extent, and achieve environmentally friendly in a practical way.
Emily, unless you are specifically asked to do so in the prompt instructions, you should never write the essay from a personal point of view. The pronouns to be used here should be third person pronouns because you should be only informing the reader instead of trying to influence an opinion or belief. As such, your essay could be scored down for not properly representing the prompt instructions. You should also be careful of your grammar and spelling. Points are lost for careless writing such as "flues" when you meant "fuels". You are scored on grammar accuracy and lexical resource so by being careless in the way that you form the words, you show that you are not capable of writing coherently in English, thus further lowering your score consideration. Although you make some pretty good arguments in your essay, the mistakes that you made resulted in a lowering of your score from a possible 6 to a 5.
**For help use these websites :**  
1. ieltsmaterial (Writing task 1 and 2 samples are really good)  
2. ielts-mentor (Good for speaking samples)  
Use these websites to read high band score samples and learn from them.  
Practice and practice. By the the way I got 7.5 in IELTS and currently trying to get study visa for Canada. Wish me luck and pray for me.
*As languages such as English, Spanish and Mandarin become more widely spoken , there is a fear that many minority languages may die out. Some countries have taken steps to protect minority languages.  
  
What is your view of this practice?*  
  
## Minority Languages Dying

  
  
As the world become more connected, the attention is more drawn toward the prominent languages like English; Spanish and Mandarin as they are spoken by quite the majority of population around the globe. However, this has created a concern that some old languages spoken by small nations will be forgotten because of neglection, so people started to make plans in order preserve their original cultures as language is an important part of it. In this essay I will discuss some suggestion that might be useful in preserving languages.  
  
One of the solutions would be government interference. For example making all governmental activities in the original language, like trade activities; usual internal transactions, this would enforce people to use their own language even more instead of using the control languages and help them to stay attached. On the other hand, some argue that this procedure would cause disruption in international activities, like students who study abroad or international trade activities as all of these paper work transactions must be translated.  
  
Another action can be done by using education. Raising young children with the concept of being proud of their language; using it in teaching classes so that they can grow having the original roots of their nation wherever they go. However, as globalization become much more enabled, it would be even waste more than useless to ignore or even not giving a great attention to the dominant spoken languages in order to save what eventually will go. Hard obstacles will face such suggestion.  
  
While it is considered an important financial part of every country, tourism can be used as a great tool to publish the knowledge of the original country culture abroad. For example; employing specialized translators as tourist guides; using translated brochures about historical features in the place and utilizing media in making short documentary films in such purpose. This would draw attention of the world even more to the minor languages so that preserving them and improving the financial state in parallel.  
  
All in all, languages especially the old ones deserve having attention and actions must present in order to maintain them as being an important part of every culture. A lot of solutions present in order to preserve them, eventually making people connected doesn't necessitate omitting our history that represents us.
Noura, I am disappointed in the essay that you wrote because you did not develop the proper answer to the prompt requirement. You failed to properly understand the instructions for the discussion development. You are not being asked for suggestions regarding how to preserve the native languages, you were asked about your point of view regarding this practice. So somewhere along the way, you failed to understand the prompt requirement. This resulted in a mistaken discussion in your essay. Due to your prompt non compliance, this essay cannot get a score other than a 3. That is such a shame because you really wrote a very good essay. It just wasn't the right discussion to present. Since you are still doing practice tests, you have the opportunity to ask questions about the provided prompts. So seek an explanation first when you feel uncertain so that you will discuss the correct prompt and also, develop your​ English comprehension skills.