dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## DEATH AND BIRTH RATES IN Nz

  
  
The line graph below illustrates birth and death rates in New Zealand from 1901 to 20101.  
  
Overall, the birth rate has been much higher than the death rate from 1901 to the present. the death level will probably exceed the birth rate from 2041 to 2010.  
  
The birth rate was about 20,000 in 1901 and rose dramatically to 65,000 in 1961 before some fluctuations from 1961 to 2020. the figure for death has increased gradually from 8,000 in 1901 to over 35,000 in 2020.  
  
There will be a sharp fall in the birth rate from over 50,000 in 2021 to 42,000 in 2101, while the level of death will increase considerably from 2021 to 2101 and over take the birth rate in 2041 and reach a peak at 59,000 in 2061. There will be a much HIGHER rate of death in comparison with the birth level from 2041 to 2101.  
  
*
You will not get a passing score for this essay because your summary overview is not only incomplete, it is also a direct cut and paste of the original topic description from the original prompt. As such, this will be a memorized presentation which will result in a TA score of 0. You must address the summary overview properly with:  
  
- An explanation of the graph information presented based on your own understanding of the data keywords ( prompt paraphrase)  
- A description of the image type  
- Measurement indicator (thousands)  
- Trending statement  
  
Watch out for the way to format your sentences. Never use lowercase letters to kick off a sentence. That shows that you did not edit the essay before submitting. You merely wrote the essay without considering the quality of your presentation and with a total disregard for the scoring considerations / criteria. Your paragraphs are only run-on sentences, no complex sentences, not simple sentences. Long sentences are not the same as complex sentences. Exam takers often make that mistake when writing essays. The students who write sentences this way are seen as not really interested in passing the test. That is because the exam taker is making obvious and correctable errors, which they fail to correct before submitting the essay.
## generational differences

  
  
The world is rapidly changing, which means that people born at different times would be impacted by the lifestyle of each period. That causes the generation gap, which is understood as the gap between different generations. It is not difficult for us to catch a generation gap between the old and the young in social life out there. Moreover, the generation gap also exists in our own home because of difficulty understanding, less communication, and differences in lifestyle.  
  
Many factors result in generational differences. First of all, every person has significantly different opinions. Having more experiences, parents occasionally imposed their thought on children and supposed that was the right thing. Don't let the child express their opinion, which makes a risk of high misunderstanding.  
  
Another serious factor is that they don't spend more family time with each other. Parents are working, children are at school and occupy with doing a huge amount of homework. At weekends, the teenager prefers hanging out with friends and getting a coffee than staying at home. According to the New York Post, American families get just 37 minutes of quality time per day, perhaps they just meet face-to-face at dinner time.  
  
Finally, while the young are fond of eating fast food such as KFC, Burger King, Lotte, etc, the old lean towards healthy food. Another example is that the young love to mix and match on-trend clothes, whereas the old supposed that is an exotic style, they like wearing casual clothes than becoming a slave of fashion. Age differences make them have different perspectives as well as different lifestyles.  
  
For these reasons, the generation gap will inevitably coexist with human life. To be more open, share opinions and respect each other is the golden key to get better mutual understood. The quality time also needs to be increased in our own families, especially in the hustle and bustle of life. The more communication we use, the smaller the generation gap will be.
There are two ways that this essay can be discussed. Since you did not provide the original prompt ( a requirement for anybody posting on this site who wants a comprehensive review of their essay), and there are 2 types of prompts available for this essay, it will be best if I do not focus on the content, lest I give you the wrong advice. I'll focus on your grammar issues instead. Kindly remember to provide the original prompt / discussion instructions next time.  
  
With 40 minutes to:  
- Outline the discussion  
- Draft the discussion  
- Edit / revise the discussion  
- Finalize the copy  
  
there is no way that you will be able to write 327 words, even in a type written setting. Do not focus on the word count. More words usually assure a failed essay due to improper focus on just showing off the vocabulary instead of creating a comprehensive discussion to the examiner. That is all I will say about the format of this essay. The word count is not appropriate for the provided writing time. Now, on to the other problems.  
  
Avoid using word fillers like "First of all". There is no sense in using phrases or words that will not move your explanation or opinion forward. Also, if you insist on using the numerical listing, you need to count out everything. You can't say "First of all" then "Another serious factor", which leads to "finally". It should be "First, second, third or finally".  
  
Remember that this is an academic essay. So contractions are a big no-no. It is never written using casual English spelling. Always use the formal presentation such as "Do not" instead of "don't". Descriptive adjectives will also help your essay score better in terms of LR representation and GRA presentations. For example, instead of saying "different times", you could opt to say, "various times", "separate times", or "contrasting times" instead. It is more imaginative and tells the examiner that you are capable of using intermediate level English words which can help boost your sentence format to the complex level.
## traditional ways of life

  
  
**With the development of morden society is the loss of traditional ways of life  
Is it important to keep our traditional ways of life?  
How can this be achieved**  
  
In this day and age, with the development of society, many nations around the world are coping with the problem of losing the customary ways of life. This essay will argue that it is essential to keep traditional values and these traditions will be achieved by many ways if people take this into consideration by the two main reasons.  
  
First of all, traditional ways of life represent unique features of every couyntry in the world. We bring these traditions to all over the globe, introduce our own characteristics such as table manners and greetings. This will make people understand more about the country and as a result, it becomes famous. For example, if we see a person of a family celebrate the Lunar New Year, you will guess they are Asians.  
  
Secondly, to educate people about traditions is to preserve the old ways of life. We will help people raise awareness about the loss of the traditions and suggest them the solutions. By this way, we will educate the people, especially the young generations, who are now tired of learning about the folklore and tend to catch up with the morden world. For instance, schools or parents should take the youths go to the national museum to discover everything about the ancient ancestors.  
  
In conclusion, the preservation of tradition shuold be highly noticed by many people and we shuold act now to keep these old values alive.
The essay is short by 13 words. Coming in under the word requirement means you will receive heavy points penalties. The penalties will be based on the 13 words required to complete the 250 minimum word requirement. Now, just meeting the word requirement will not be enough to have to write above the requirement, but not too much that you end up focusing only on the word count instead o the quality of the discussion.  
  
This is a direct opinion essay that asks:  
  
- Is it important to keep our traditional ways of life?  
- How can this be achieved  
  
There are two things that you have to achieve in the first paragraph:  
  
- The rephrasing of the given topic  
- A direct response to the question (yes / no will suffice)  
- A suggestion on how it can be achieved.  
  
The last 2 lines should respond directly to the questions with:  
  
- The conventional way of life needs to be upheld  
- raise awareness about the loss of the traditions and suggest them the solutions  
  
Unfortunately, you forgot to this in the first paragraph. Also, you did not directly respond to the given question in any aspect of the essay. This will tell the examiner that you are providing an incomplete response. An incomplete response will result in... you guessed it, scoring deductions. Always double check the original prompt against you draft essay. Make sure you respond directly to the questions and offer direct suggestions for solutions as required.  
  
These problems with your essay are the main problem points that will result in notable points deductions which will result in a non-passing score.
Give me the band of the essays, please <3 Thanks all  
  
## Writing Task 2: TOPIC: CRIME

  
  
**Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
It is true that several people have changed themselves to be a better person after they had been released from prison. While I accept that asking ex-prisoners to have a talk to the youth is a good education method, I agree there are better alternatives to the problem.  
  
On the one hand, I agree that many individuals in the young age may be aware of consequences of engaging in criminal activities when attending a talk given by ex-prisoners. It is clear that youngsters are more likely to accept the advice from those who speak from their real-life experience. Their stories are often vivid and persuasive that can attract attention of juveniles easily. Therefore, ex-prisoners are the best people who can share with teenagers the reasons why they commit a crime. Different prisoners have different stories and young people will know how harsh prison condition are and how they have to pay for their unlawful activities during the time in prison. This leads to the raising awareness of young people about law-abiding citizens among adolescents.  
  
On the other hand, I believe that several alternative education methods would have a positive impact on youngsters compared to talking to a former offenders. It is believed that the home environment has a profound effect on the development of a child. Therefore, parents should set a good role model for their children to follow and pass the knowledge about social evils onto their sons and daughters at an early age to prevent them from taking part in unlawful activities. Additionally, teachers also are of importance in raising awareness of school students about crime. It is essential for adolescents to have more lessons about crime and punishment to avoid engaging in criminal activities.  
  
In conclusion, it is my opinion that while a talk with ex-offenders has a positive effect on the young people, it is not the best education method for crime education.
***Nowadays more and more business meetings and business training are taking place online.  
## Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?***  
  
Online meetings and trainings have been widely in use more than ever. Despite a wide range of benefits that the trend offers, there are some drawbacks of the technology that users should be also aware of.  
  
Virtual conferences are excellent alternatives to traditional ones, especially for those who live in various locations. With meetings conducted over the Internet, people from different parts of the world could communicate with one another without traveling to particular destinations. This also helps companies save costs when running physical conferences such as venue, accommodation, airfare, and catering and refreshments. In particular, the practice has proven its importance during the coronavirus outbreak. When commuting is restricted, video- conferencing applications are brilliant solutions for entrepreneurs to keep their business on the run.  
  
As advanced as online meeting technology is, it has limitations that might affect user experience. First, connectivity issues such as freezing or disconnection may cause disruption and frustration during meetings. Moreover, long-distance meetings sometimes lack personal interaction when people could only rely on limited tools to interact with one another. Even basic conducts of communication such as handshaking or eye contact are impossible to in those cases. Those factors could reduce the efficiency of the meetings and discourage a sense of community among participants.  
  
In general, the use of online platforms for business meetings and trainings help both employers and employees overcome geographical distances, hence, cut cost and time. Although limitations are evident and should be taken into consideration, online meeting is still more a convenience than an inconvenience.
@giakhang103  
You used a wide range of vocabulary and grammar structure in your essay. However, you did not answer the question fully. The question is do the advantage OUTWEIGH the disadvantage. You did not state your opinion clearly in your essay and this will make you lose TA mark.  
  
Although you presented some good idea in your explanation, you did not develop them fully. For example, your first paragraph presented two idea: the convenience of not having to travel and cost saving. However, you did not explain why and how and give detail example. I recommend you choose only one idea and further develop it.
## Effect of rising popularity of online education

  
  
In present times, online courses have become famous progressively; some universities have used them as a new approach instead of traditional learning. Some people believe that the development of online courses has brought considerable benefits, while others have an opposite view. In my opinion, I would argue that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.  
  
The main drawback of the trend of university online courses is the lack of interaction. Learning online means students not only may not have opportunities to face-to-face contact with teachers in a classroom on a regular basis but also have to rely on automatic content. Furthermore, students will not have a cognitive view of the significance of interaction and rivalry with classmates in an educational environment. For example, whereas students attending traditional classes have interaction with their teachers and peers and even discuss with their classmates about specific issues of the lessons or part of subjects of their assignment, online learners are restricted by the chatting areas or website. As a result, students not only lose their motivation but also become more and more passive in their studies.  
  
Despite Internet-based learning's negative effect, it has significant benefits. First of all, students can access all resources within a traditional course; these courses are with no limitation of time, so learners can watch them over if they do not understand. Besides, the cost of learning will cut down considerably, which means students can save a tremendous amount of money for their living. Finally, the widespread presence of the Internet makes online courses become a positive way for learners regardless of age, gender, local, and backgrounds to approach with a variety of information. For example, some adults who live in rural areas or dropped out of university want to continue their studies, but they have either time or money, an online course will enable them to get a degree whether who they are and where they are from, this was considered to be impossible a few years ago before the Internet was spread widely.  
  
In conclusion, while learning online has some drawbacks, I consider it to be a positive development in the educational system in the future.
@mimi141  
I like the way you develop your idea in the introduction and your first paragraph. You gave summary of all your answer in your introduction so it is very easy to follow. Your first paragraph presented the idea very well with a topic sentence, an explanation and an example. However, in your second paragraph, you gave too many idea. I think it will be better if you state only the most important idea and develop them more. You should also give more detail on why you think the advantage outweigh the disadvantage.  
  
You have some grammar problems:  
passive voice "will **be** cut down"  
"are with no limitation of time" better expressed as "have no time limitation"  
..."they have **neither** time **nor** money"
Great write up!  
Observations  
1. Your introduction is good enough  
2. "Learning online means students not only may not have opportunities to face-to-face contact with teachers in a classroom on a regular basis but also have to rely on automatic content." - this looks too ambigious, i suggest you simplify it.  
  
3. "For example, whereas students attending traditional classes have" - i think you meant to say "where" not "whereas". Kindly see to this.  
  
4. "peers and even discuss with their classmates about specific issues of the lessons or part of subjects of their assignment, online learners are restricted by the chatting areas or website." - i feel there should be " but" immediately after the comma connecting assignment and online learners. - "assignment, but online learners"
## electronic devices in classroom

  
  
In recent years, individual electronic gadgets such as tablets, smartphones or laptops have gained enormous popularity. The use of these devices involves a set of drawbacks that need improving, but their benefits are much more noticeable.  
  
On the one hand, exerting digital devices in learning may have some major disadvantages. The greatest downside of these gadgets is the distraction happening to students. Many students feel so bored in lessons as games, music and Facebook seem to be more intriguing to them. In fact, a study found that on average students check their phones more than 11 times a day in class. Obviously, it leads to a decline in their test results. Another negative aspect I want to mention is the prevalence of improper information. Since these devices are connected to the Internet, users are easily absorbed in negative and unofficial sources of information. For instance, false knowledge from an inappropriate book online may mislead students who read it.  
  
On the other hand, although utilizing electronic devices in the domain of studying has several drawbacks, they offer users a variety of benefits. Initially, compared to traditional learning methods, these implements supply students with a more diverse source of information, pictures and videos, which assist in illustration while studying. By means of tablets, phones and laptops, students are more likely to have a better grasp of lessons. Furthermore, there are numerous applications utilized in studying. Rather than spending time on textbooks, teachers can allow students to listen to podcasts or improve pronunciation through voice recognition apps. Another point in favour of advantages is that electronic gadgets prompt students' self- reliance. Though there are questions whether numerous online sources of information are reliable or not, they are still served as helpful materials for students to learn on their own. For example, they are able to find the meaning of a word by looking up in a dictionary on their phone instead of asking teachers.  
  
In short, exerting individual electronic devices in classroom has been a successful step in the revolution of learning methods. Despite the disadvantages these gadgets may bring, they still do more good than harm.
This is supposed to be a discursive essay based on the A/D discussion. So why is your essay focused solely on the disadvantages of personal electronic devices in relation to learning? In paragraph 2, you said *: exerting digital devices in learning may have some major disadvantage*s. Then in paragraph 3: *although utilizing electronic devices in the domain of studying has several drawback*. Both paragraphs open with a disadvantage topic. The correct presentation for paragraph 3 should have been:  
  
*On the other hand, they offer users a variety of benefits*  
  
There needs to be a clear representation of the 2 discussion methods. One topic sentence opens on a negative note, the next one, on a positive note. That way you deliver exactly what the prompt provides in a manner that is clear to the examiner. That means, the topic sentence should align with the discussion requirements of the original prompt instructions.  
  
Never refer to research information in the essay. Bear in mind, you will not be able to do research at the testing center. If you read the information somewhere before, then frame it to sound like you knew of this information as a matter of public fact. As in : *It is no secret that people check their gadgets up to 11 times in one day.* Refrain from using any personal pronouns, but make it clear that the information is based on public knowledge, rather than researched information.  
  
The essay is over discussed. You did not use an outline before you started writing. An outline, done usually within 5 minutes, helps you to keep the essay focused, gives you an easier time writing, and helps you to not over discuss the information to the point where the paragraph loses its topic connectivity and clarity. An outline should look like this:  
  
- Topic sentence 1: The disadvantage of gadgets is fake news  
- How easily is it accessed? Via search engines  
- Why can't students tell the difference? All news sources look legitimate  
- How can that be prevented? Learning to tell the difference  
  
- Topic Sentence 2: Advantage is diverse source of information  
- Why: More focused researched materials available  
- How: Easily searched via search engines  
- Why is this better? The information can be verified for accuracy  
  
The conclusion should then:  
- Repeat the topic  
- Repeat a disadvantage  
- Repeat an advantage  
- Repeat why gadgets help with learning in closing  
  
Your essay was almost on track. Try to review the other A/D essay samples at this forum. It should help you become familiar with how to properly write these types of essays by allowing you to learn from the past mistakes of other exam takers.