Your first paragraph is not an accurate paraphrase. It changes the discussion requirements as originally presented:  
  
*OT: unemployment is a serious issue throughout the world. A number of changes need to be made to reduce the problem.  
OQ: What should governments do to solve this issue?  
  
YT: unemployment is one of the pressing problems in the most countries  
QR: a lot of solutions have been put forward to reduce the unemployment rates as well as to restrict the negative effects from unemployment on health, society and the economy.*  
  
Your version has several unnecessary discussion points. It is not required in the presentation because it wasn't a part of the original discussion presentation. The superfluous points are: .  
  
*.. the growing population of the world and the advance in sciences and technologies...  
... to restrict the negative effects from unemployment on health, society and the economy*  
  
The only required discussion point is:  
- What should governments do to solve the issue?  
  
So, you have to consider 2 possible solutions to the problem for the 2 reasoning paragraphs (one topic per paragraph) that will require government action to enact. Your reasoning is not focused. You are not really offering an insight into government based solutions, you are meddling with topics ranging from over - population all the way to migrant workers. Over kill. Simple solutions to the problem were required such as:  
  
- Government can focus on skills training to build on the emerging production businesses in their country  
- Government can create a law mandating the hiring of citizens for seasonal work  
- Government should look further into job creation opportunities and prepare the workers for it.  
  
These are only samples of possible discussion topics that are more aligned with the prompt that you could have used in your discussion. It is because of the lack of focus in your paragraphs that your essay comes across as difficult to understand with rather confusing paragraph presentations. Stay on point. Always discuss only the factors as indicated in the original prompt. Do not add to the information, do not deduct from the information. Provide targeted discussions for every paragraph instead. The targeted topics for discussion in your presentation are:  
  
*- government should try to innovate the investment policy to encourage the foreign entities invest to the various sectors.  
- they should open some vocational trial-classes to help students have a better view of the blue collar jobs*  
  
These 2 discussion points, which were badly discussed in your original presentation, should have been the sole topics for each paragraph. Each topic relates to the other in various discussion ways, mostly related to job creation. That discussion is what is confusing to read in your presentation. There are semblances of those reference points, but the sentence development is so bad, the examiner will not be able to easily figure it out, which, will be very bad for your GRA score.  
  
The concluding paragraph should merely summarize the previous topic and reasoning discussions. The essay never required your personal opinion so it should not have been presented anywhere in the discussion. Not at the beginning, middle, or end. This is an essay that runs counter to all Task 2 essay writing requirements and therefore, cannot achieve a passing band score.