dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**The diagrams show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.**  
  
The diagrams give information about several goods and way to produce cement and how to make concrete by cement. Overall, it can be seen that to produce both of cement and concrete are needed more than one of equipment each and there are mixed by each tools with simple way.  
  
To produce cement are needed equipment, such as limestone and clay stone. The processes are, firstly, limestone and clay are crushed to become powder. Secondly, the equipment are mixed and with helped by heat, the powder are rotated by rotating heater. The result will be grinded by grinder and produce cement. The end collect of cement are put in bags.  
  
After cement is produced, it is used to produce concrete. The equipment are needed, such as cement at 15 percent, water at 10 percent, sand at 25 percent, and small stone at 50 percent. The process is all of equipment are mixed by mix tool for concrete and the tool will be rotated as clock wise direction. And the result is concrete. It used for building purpose.
Wily, a depiction of the diagram that you used to write the essay should really have been included in this essay. It would have helped us figure out how well you were able to represent the diagram in your written work. At this point, I can only assume that you were able to properly assess the diagram and develop a procedural essay from it. The only thing that puzzles me, is why your opening statement is so short. As an overview, it should have contained at least 3 sentences in order to properly summarize the essay. Right now, at two sentences, it doesn't follow the expected guidelines for essay development of this sort. Please make sure to always develop the right number of sentences for your essays. It matters in the overall scoring of your work and can affect the final score you are given.
Hello wily. this is my suggestion  
actually your essay is good..  
1. ..., and clay ~~stone~~  
2. ... several goods and way(s) to produce cement ...  
3. Overall, it can be seen that to produce both of cement and concrete are ...  
maybe you can mention the equipment that needed..  
e.g.the are several the equipment that needed such as grinder, mixer and rotating heater  
overall, good luck
Hello Willy!  
Kindly check my suggestion below.  
  
... of equipment each and there [b]are mixed by each tools[/b] with simple way.  
Mixed -> showing a mixture of different feelings or opinions (Cambridge)  
Look at example below:  
*Overall, it can be seen that to produce both of cement and concrete are needed more than one of equipment for each and there are used many tools with simple way.*  
  
After cement is produced, it is used to produce concrete.  
*Cement that is produced use for concrete manufacturing*  
  
**Just few correction and suggestion for your better task.  
Hope it helps you :)**
**Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. to what extend do you agree or disagree?  
what other measures do you think might be effective?**  
  
Solving air pollution can be done by many ways. Some literatures state that the most factor of air pollution influenced by fuels. People argue that the government has to make an policy which the price of fuels would be increase. I personally agree that citizent must purchase petrol more than the normal cost. But, there is an alternative problem solving such as decline the number of cars.  
  
Air pollution is the main problems that happened in many countries. It caused by road traffict in the city. Recetnly there are issue that the price of fuels would be increase. I believe it is the best way to solve the effect of greenhouses gases. For example, the UK goverment made policy which raises the price of petrol by 100%. This obligation aim to force the citizent to reduce of car fuels usage. An affordable cost of petrol make people like to drive and avoid to use buses. If the government increase the price of pertol, they will more prefer to use public transport rather than private transport. So, i think a good action that the cost of fuels must be raised.  
  
Besides, there are other ways to solve air pollution such as reduce the number of cars. The car is the main resources that resulted greenhous gases. In this case, we can know how important of reducing the number of cars. Traffict jam produced amouth of harmful gases that can cause global warming, so reducing traffic jam is necessary to solving this problem. For example, the road traffict in London caused increasing the NO2 levels. The London government made policy to limit the local to use one car every household and apply car free day in the weekend. So, if the number of traffict reduced, the air pollution will be increased either.  
  
In conclusion, there are many sollutions to solve the air pollution. I think the best sollution is by rising the cost of fuels. But, reducing the number of cars is more important to solve the air pollution.
Hi bada, I want to give some comments  
  
1. There many errors in spelling, you need to be careful about it. You can use your time in the end of writing to correct you answer. You can try to write quickly than before.  
  
literatures ----> literature  
citizent ----> citizen  
traffict ----> traffic  
Recetnly ---- > Recently  
pertol ----> petrol  
goverment ----> government  
  
2. Some literatures state that the most factor of air pollution is influenced by fuels  
You can use verb auxiliary before verb ordinary before make it as passive form  
  
Thank you  
Keep writing
Hi bada, here are my thoughts  
  
**you have many misspelling, be careful of it**  
  
Some ~~literatures~~ literature state that...  
*literature is an uncountable noun. adding 's' is not necessary*  
  
... government has to make ~~an~~**a** policy which (...) would ~~be~~ increase.  
*article 'an' is followed by noun which has vocal words*  
  
I personally agree that ~~citizent~~**citizens** must purchase ...  
  
It caused by road ~~traffict~~**traffic** in the city.  
  
~~Recetnly~~**Recently** there ~~are~~**is an** issue that (...) would be ~~increase~~ increased  
*you need a passive form*  
  
The UK ~~goverment~~**government** made policy which ...  
  
This obligation ~~aim~~**aims** to force the ~~citizent~~**citizens** to reduce of car fuels usage.  
  
An affordable cost of petrol ~~make~~**makes** people like to ...  
  
... increase the price of ~~pertol~~**petrol**,
Hello Bada!  
Allow me to give you some suggestion.  
  
Solving air pollution can be done by many ways. Some literatures state that the most factor of air ...  
There is uncoherence between the first and the second sentence.  
Then, in sentence "... most factor of air pollution influenced by fuels" may you mean the amount of fuels not the fuels exactly.  
Look at example below:  
*Solving air pollution can be done by many ways. Increasing of fuels cost might be the one. People argue that the government has to make an policy which the price of fuels would be increase. Since some literatures state that the most factor of air pollution influenced by the amount of fuels. Improving of fuels price have possibility to make people thinking twice to buy it.*  
  
You delivered good idea in your body paragraphs, only concern to the sentence structure and tenses.  
  
Hope it helps you :)
**Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should be always taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.**  
  
It is generally assumed by some people that each crime should have fixed punishment, while others deem the ulterior motives should be taken into consideration when deciding on what sentence should be executed. Although each perspective can be justified; however, I would argue that the conviction for those perpetrating crime should be judged by the motivation for committing it. This is because it could be different for every person.  
  
Regarding to the first idea, I would reckon than fixed punishment should be given for those who committed serious crime, such as drug dealers, corruption, terrorism, or assassination to high-level state officials like presidents or prime minister, because such crimes have detrimental effects to the public as well as country. In addition, those crimes can be categorised into harsh crime or premeditated murder, which blatantly have vicious motive. Thus, stern action should be taken by government in order to prevent such crimes happens in the future.  
  
However, I firmly believe that in many parts of the world, the crime committed by perpetrators is notably because of economic reasons as they cannot meet their daily needs to survive so that it is triggered them for perpetrating petty crime such as theft, shoplifting, and pickpocket. As such, the circumstances of individual crime must be taken into account no matter what the situation is. For instance, there was a culprit who perpetrated theft and got arrested by police. When this case was handled in court, the culprit declared that he committed crime by perforce so as to meet his family needs.  
  
To sum up, it is clear that each perspective can be justified. It depends on what crime they commit, and what motives of individual who committed crimes. So, the reason to give punishment would be acceptable.
Mifta, the essay would have been made stronger if you had approached it from a more logical argument / standpoint. In order to better support your claims, you should have had a total of 5 paragraphs in the essay following the format below:  
  
1. Introduction  
2. Opinion you don't support  
3. Opinion you support  
4. Your personal opinion that aligns with the previous paragraph  
5. Your conclusion  
The essay asked you to discuss both points of view along with your opinion. While you did present a personal point of view in the essay, you should have discussed your stand alone opinion of the issue in order to better reflect the prompt requirements. Remember that for a test essay, you should always aim for a 5 paragraph response in order to ensure a better score in the end.
**Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that ...**  
  
Every crime has been decided to various categories of people. People think that there is a clear rule to conclude what category to every specific crime. In contrast, the condition of the crime itself and the motivation should be considered to make decision. However, in my opinion, I think the judge should consider many aspects before judging. Event there is a fundamental rule which talk about the category of crime.  
  
To make sure what sort of punishment that is given to criminal, the judge should make what kind of criminal it is. It is better to understand the consequence every single criminal that have already happen. For instance, killer must be punished by death punishment or drug distributor has to be jailed throughout life. It make easier for government to warn people about the punishment that will be given if someone do a criminal. As a result, I think people will think twice again if they wan to do criminal. Therefore, exact punishment should be made to every specific crime.  
  
However, they judge should understand other factors that make people do a criminal. The condition of individual crime has to be included to make decision. For instance, the effect of criminal can make people die or permanent disability. Those things are different although have the same category, such as, stealing. Another consideration is the purpose of doing crime. If people did criminal to look after their children, they will get less punishment instead of for holding party reason. So, it is very essential to know the reason from criminals and the effect of the action. In my opinion, every criminal do not always have some punishment, but it need to think again about the reason and condition.  
  
All in all, even though there is specific punishment for each criminal, the punishment needs to be considered base on the circumstances and motivation. In my opinion, generalize the punishment should include many factors that make criminal happened. Because if now it will give more disadvantages than before.
Hello... I'm sorry to say this, but most sentences in your text sound a bit awkward. It's quite clear what you're trying to say. However, it is also clear that the text has been written by someone who is not very well versed in English. In the future, you should try keeping the sentences as short and straight to the point as possible. Try making sure that there are smooth transitions between sentences. You should also read more in this language to get a better hang of it. Here are some examples as to how your sentences could be fixed:  
  
~~Every crime~~ [...]*It is believed that some categories of people are more predisposed towards committing a crime than others.*  
~~People think~~ [...] *Another common assumption in this respect is that every unsolved crime contains clues as to the culprit's ethnocultural identity.*  
~~In contrast~~ [...] *However, such a view of crime does not make much of a sense. The reason for this is that, as practice shows, different people seem to be driven by the different sets of motivations while committing essentially the same crime.*  
  
I hope this will help. Regards.
Question:  
**Popular events like football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?**  
  
ANSWER:  
Many people hold the opinion that it is very necessary to hold worldwide sporting events such as World Cup and many other athletic contests, though the rest bear the contrary. In my opinion, I fervently believe that special sporting occasions as aforementioned should be regularly taken place.  
  
On one hand, taking part in such events helps countries to enhance their images and show the hospitality to the world. Firstly, the victory will be marked as their competence in not only sport but also economic and culture. Otherwise, through their friendly and open-minded athletes, other contestants from different countries will have a good impression in gentle acts and kind words. This may help to defuse the hostility between opponent countries and build up an amicable relationship. Besides, worldwide sporting events have been telling many touching and inspirational stories of athletes' courage and determination. This also might help to inspire the human kind and create motivation.  
  
However, while our world is facing to many complex chronic problems, these events seem to be inappropriate. Firstly, hosting an international athletic events may do harm to vulnerable economies. Many countries has used up their national budget to prepare for the occasions which may lead them to be in debt to other financial organizations. Subsequently, public debt becomes a serious problem and then having many countries filed a bankrupt, which devastates their entire people. Otherwise, many international sporting events have been interfered by political power, therefore, it may bring inequalities to some athletes from the target country.  
  
In conclusion, worldwide sporting events should carried on as the way it has been though many downsides still remains. Because people will always struggle for peace and harmony, which such occasions represent.
Ha, I strongly believe that you would score a 6 in the actual IELTS test with this essay. You have shown that you can present a set of supporting ideas for your position in such a manner that proves an intermediate grasp of the English language. You were able to properly group your ideas and present them in a coherent manner. While there are still a number of grammatical errors, the you were able to develop a cohesive paragraph just the same. Though the grammar you used was simple, it was complex enough for your perceived English writing and comprehension skills. I believe that you are on the right path towards passing this test. Your mistakes were not enough to lower the score to failing. Since you are already passing the test, more practice will only result in higher scores for you. Good luck with your test.
***To learn effectively, children need to eat a healthy meal at school.  
How true is this statement?  
Whose responsibility is it to provide food for school children?***  
  
Learning is the key process to obtain the knowledge from knowledgeable people to the student. Learning effectively is extremely needed because it is the way that the smart person did. Some people say that a healthy food can accelerate the studying process. I briefly agree that the food is an essential factor and should be served by school side.  
  
There is an opinion that the brain which is the core of learning process consumes at least one-fifth of our body energy. Scientifically, it is true - according to the data served at ted.com. it can be dangerous for our health, especially for our brain if we serve the people with the unhealthy one. The research conducted by Mr. Fujinoma Satoru from Kyoto University reveals that there is a correlation between the student having an unhealthy food with the grade in the school. Almost 75 percent of the children without the better food had the grade below the standard. This is the evidence that having a good meal is a must in order to learn effectively.  
  
Then, whose responsible to serve a serve a healthy food for the children? Is it their parents? The answer is the school. The school is only the one having the responsibility for the pupils in the school. Parents are not able to monitor their children everytime they are living in the school and they cannot control it. As the one who is responsible, the school should provide the healthy food to make sure the development of children is going better.  
  
All in all, I briefly believe that the healthy food is the "basic ingredients" for people who wants to learn effectively. The school having the most time interaction with the children should provide the healthy food to ensure the children have the best development in the school life and their future.  
  
(305 Words)
hi mr ivan, these are my thoughts towards your essay  
  
1. - ... data served at ted~~.~~,  
2. if we serve the people with the unhealthy one  
[it would be better if you write the word specifically, avoid the use of 'thing' and 'one' e.g unhealthy food]  
3. whose responsible to serve ~~a serve~~ a healthy food for the children  
4. The school *is only the one***is the only one** having the responsibility  
5. ~~everytime~~every time they are ~~living~~staying in the school ...  
[i think the collocation for 'school' is **stay in ~** ]  
  
mr ivan, it would be better if you provide some example for your bright idea in your both body paragraph.  
be careful with your lexical resource.  
keep writing, thanks and goodluck
**Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think might be effective?  
  
Writing Task 2**  
  
Some societies think that to reduce increasing congestion and air pollution in urban city, it needs to be regulate by increasing the cost of fossil fuel. However, in my opinion, increasing the car sales tax rates is also effectively as well as the notion.  
  
With regards to some people who agree with the view, they generally believe that the price is becoming not affrodable for some groups of people. For example, according to a publication in Australian's News in 2010, there was a new regulate from local government to make the price of petrol higher. As a consequence, people in 16 - 60 age groups, who did no have any income, started using private transportation, such as bus or train. Hence, it really works to solve crowded city from private vehicle and reduces air pollution.  
  
On the other hand, I would firmly agree that there are some merits towards environment and society, if the government also increase the tax rates of car and minibus. Not only people who have limited finance that will be think twice to buy a new car, but also prosperous societies. For example, based on statistical data from University of Tokyo Fujita in 2010, there was a sudden decline in the car sale quantity due to the increasing of car sales tax rates of 17%, from 8% to 25%. As a result, the government started improving bike lanes in the town, also local inhabitants enjoyed riding the bike. Therefore, the city can provide more air fresh and the proportion of congestion reduces gradually.  
  
I concluded that the problem of traffic jam and pollution enable to be solved effectively by some ways. There are increasing the price of solar energy and car sales tax rates. (287 words)
... who agree with the view, generally they ~~generally~~ believe that the (...) not affrodable for ~~some groups of people~~certain groups . For example, according to ~~a~~the publication in Australian's ...  
  
~~As a consequence~~consequently, people in 16 - 60 age groups~~,~~ who did no have any income, started using ~~private~~public transportation, ...  
  
good job.. break a leg
Hi asep, here are my suggestions for you :)  
  
You delivered the messages well, you can develop well through 287 words  
  
it needs to be ~~regulate~~ regulated by increasing ...  
*you need passive form, right?*  
  
... the price is becoming not ~~affrodable~~**affordable** for some groups of people.  
*be careful --> misspelling*  
  
... are some merits towards **the** environment and society~~,~~*(unnecessary comma in this conditional sentence)* if the government also ...  
  
... limited finance that will ~~be~~ think twice to ...  
*think is a verb. you do not need 'be'*  
  
I concluded that the problem of ...  
*write at least 3 sentence in your conclusion, add an suggestion if necessary*