dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
topic IELTS  
***Computers are often argued to be the most important invention of the last hundred years.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

  
  
Recent decades have witnessed the explosive growth of technology, especially, the arrival of computers. While some people believe that this electric device is the most crucial breakthrough of human civilization in the 21th century, others are in the other opinion that a plethora of inventions besides computers are more essential. Personally, i incline toward the former view.  
  
Frankly, it is undeniable those tools play an integral role in the age of globalization-in the other words, it is an indispensable to uniting the entire world. To be more specific, with a the Internet connected computer, it is not difficult for humans to communicate with each other regardless of the distance involved. As a result, computers facilitate the process of globalization as well as gap the bridge between different cultures  
  
secondly, it is important to recognise that those devices come in handy for almost all of domains like medicine and the economy. in terms of medical care, the appearance of computer related medical equipment enormously improve the precision of diagnosis. with regard to the economy, it is undoubted that computers are regarded as the essential tools. indeed, thanks to its advanced functionalities, the data management becomes easier than the preceding period.  
  
However, some people argue that smartphones are also important innovations which have the same functionalities as computers. it is undeniable that those portable phones permit users to communicate conveniently as well as search for information without concerning the location. Nevertheless, this argument does not work because with the laptop, we do not only communicate, it is a useful tool to draw up words.  
  
in conclusion, i believe that computers is the most crucial electronic devices in the contemporary society
@anh123  
actually, i see you use the word 'regard' twice in the same sentence like 'with regard to', 'are regarded as'. I think you should replace the second 'regard' with 'consider'. they have the same meaning. Furthermore, if you agree that computer is the most important invention of the last hundred year, you should not illustrate benefits of other electric devices like smartphone because smartphone is not computer and it's more convenient than computer. Hence, I think it's better if you only focus on computer's advantages.
@anh123  
Hi there. Welcome to the forum! I hope my feedback gives you insight on how to improve your writing. Don't hesitate to ask for more questions!  
  
While I think that the first paragraph is decent, I also suggest trying to improve it by being more straightforward and heads-on when you're writing. For instance, the first sentence needed to really focus more on the value of computers, rather than on other developments that have been happening around it. Being more context-specific will help you in the long-run develop a more strategic type of content.  
  
Looking more into the rest of your writing, the body paragraphs also need to be treated with more precision. For instance, the second paragraph needed to be compartmentalized a lot more, especially when it came to the manner that you wrote the second to third sentences.  
  
The concluding paragraph did not appear like a conclusive remark; rather, it appeared to be supplementary information. Knowing the difference between these two types of content will help you in the long-run to create more substantive content.
Pleae give feedback to my essay below. Thank you so much for your kindness!  
  
## GOVERNMENT INVESTMENT & ART

  
  
**QUESTION**: Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?  
  
People have different views about whether state fundings should go into art or other public sectors. While I admit that public facilities should receive sufficient financial help from the governments, I disagree with the view that allocating money on art-related activities is money-wasting.  
  
First of all, it is undeniable that national budgets should be spent on improving public services. These services, which often include hospitals, schools, traffic system, and so on, can determine people's living standards. In fact, without these facilities, they can face numerous challenges. For example, in some underdeveloped countries in Africa, due to the inadequate funding for clean water supply, people usually suffer from water-borne diseases, which are responsible for millions of deaths every year. Consequently, undoubtedly, a large portion of the government's investment should be allocated in public sectors to promote citizens' quality of life. However, this does not necessarily mean that spending money on supporting art is wasteful.  
  
It is justifiable that governments should provide financial assistance to art as it can offer numerous cultural benefits in terms of culture and economy. Artwork, such as music or theatre, plays an indispensable role in preserving the national heritage and also passing its precious traditions along to future generations. Indeed, art requires state support as it can be difficult for this sector to generate a handsome profit. For instance, water puppetry, one of the unique folk arts of Vietnam, receives a significant amount of money from the governments. These fundings, which help artists hold many free-ticket performances annually, could not only significantly contribute to the preservation of this type of art but also foster the awareness of traditional values among the young generations.  
  
In conclusion, while public services require a certain amount of government financial support, I believe that a certain volume of this fund should also be distributed to the art.
@alicexyz  
Hi there. Welcome to the site! I hope my feedback gives you insight on how to improve your writing. Please don't hesitate to approach us for additional information should you have more questions!  
  
Generally speaking, I don't find anything that's glaringly tough to understand about your writing. I think that you write very well, especially in comparison perhaps to other people. Other than being able to write well, the flow of writing that you have is obviously put-together.  
  
What I do think can improve your writing would be to focus more on compartmentalizing and prioritizing details in your essay. For instance, the third paragraph appears to be rather cluttered because you were using quite excessive language. What you could have done was improve the entirety of the writing by focusing more on which details are actually necessary.  
  
Also, try your best to link back the details in the most logical way possible. If we take a look at the second paragraph's last sentences, they do not seem to tie up with the rest of the intent of writing.
My English is not very well , please help me improving it, i will be extremely appreciated.  
  
## a secure job? or a satisfied job? - toefl

  
  
*Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?  
If people have the opportunity to get a secure job, they should take it right away rather than wait for a job that would be more satisfying.  
  
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.*  
  
In this modern society, any opportunities will be a precious gift for anyone who is seeking for jobs. Nevertheless, taking a secure job right away will always be a wise choice in this rapidly-developed society. Conflicts will always arise whenever people's decisions are to be made regarding whether it is appropriate for individuals waiting for their best-satisfied job or just taking the secure job to their face. Generally speaking, i hold the viewpoint that individuals should take the secure job without hesitation.  
  
During this era, the competition is so radical that any given opportunity will be extremely hard to seek for if a person simply dropped it. Indeed, chasing one's dream job is an excellent choice. However, there exists too much risks of the way of pursuing it since there are vast majority of competitors outside the world. Searching for a satisfied and well-paid job not only a person need to throw lots of energy into it but also will waste valuble time. To students, they only have limited time and rescoures. They will never be stand out between experienced interviewees.Hence, If students drop the opportunity, it will be unrealistic for them to find another job not to mention the one can satisfy them. Even if a person insists to do it, he can firstly take that secure job, once he has enough resources and finances, it will never be too late to seek for the satisfied job. Therefore, taking the secure job immediately will always be a wise choice.  
  
Additionally, it is fair to consider about the students who do not have a wealthy family background. A stable income will always be in a priority position in their considerations. Their parents have already attached significance finances to support their tuition fees and other life expense such as foods, clothes, health insurance and so on. It is time to be independent by making money themselves. As a grown man, we should know that our parents already do so much for us. I would say it is almost time to release our parents' financial burdens.  
  
Indeed, taking the secure job instantly perhaps has some long-term demerits. For example, if the secure job's workplace is not satisfied at all, such as the small-scale, the dim environment, the poor facility, the tedious work and so on, it certainly will influence a person both physically and mentally. Passion will be decreased, confidence will be reduced, these have no benefits for their future development.  
  
In conclusion, based on the argument explored above, I admit that a satisfied job is crucial to a person's future development and their mental health. But it is fair to consider the difficulty to seek another satisfied job and the financial independence.
@GaleEastwood  
Hi there. Welcome to the forum. No worries! I will do my best to assist you in your writing endeavors.  
  
First and foremost, the first paragraph is still a bit blurry in terms of its content because of the lack of conciseness in writing. For example, you could have opted to create a shorter and immediate thesis statement that will help improve the overall flow of your writing. Doing this will also certainly improve the level of individuality in your writing because you will have a smoother transition flow.  
  
When we go into the latter parts of the body paragraph, you could have opted to minimize the usage of excessive/unnecessary language to help you write with ease. For instance, the second paragraph is flooded with excessive explanations that do not contribute a lot to your writing. What you could do instead is focus more on the core values/thoughts of writing, rather than dwelling on how *formal and crisp* your grasp of the language is. Remember that the core message is what is important, not necessarily how humongous your language is.
@GaleEastwood  
you have a range of mistake about your grammar and vocabulary. In the first paragraph, you use 'any opportunities will be...'. it's not correct in grammar and you should replace 'all opportunities' in this sentence. The sentence '... appropriate for individuals ...' is wrong. You should correct it. '..appropriate for individuals to wait for their best satisfied jobs...' because you have to use V-ing after an adjective 'appropriate' and 'best satisfied' not have '-'.  
  
In the last sentence of paragraph 3 bottom up, i recommend you to use "remove" instead of utilizing "release" since 'release' have unsuitable meaning.
***Some people say that the main environmental problems of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems.  
  
## Discuss both views and give your opinion.***  
  
There is no denying that our environment is in great danger when some genres of plants and wildlife are becoming extinct, whereas others believe that other environmental problems are more important. From my perspective, the most serious issue is climate change which is elaborated in this essay.  
  
In modern society, some kinds of plants and animals are in danger of extinction due to polluted environment and used in labs, especially in some big cities. Many kinds of animals like mouse are used for experiments of new drugs and cosmetics to exam their safety, which may cause a decline in the quantity of fauna. Besides, plants in some cities are cut to make space for constructing buildings and malls. Another reason is that gas and waste from factories and households may pollute air and water. This cause may be more serious since it impacts on both animals and human beings. Pollution of water and air may result in some diseases such as lung cancer or even death that may decrease the number of creatures.  
  
In my personal opinion, climage change has a great influence on both human lives and the Earth. In recent years, a variety of disasters such as Tsunami and Blizzards occur more constantly than in the past. When a flood attacts an area, it may destroy the whole constructions there, and make people turn into homeless and hungry. This flood does not hurt people, but also consumes a huge amount of money of the government when they have to support to build houses and cater food for their residents. Especially, this can affect negatively source of water as it is mixed by dirty one.  
  
In conclution, there are a range of reasons that result in environmental issues, but I believe that the changes in climate are more vital.
@jungsooyeon  
Hello. Thanks for being in the forum! I hope my feedback helps you have insight on how to improve your writing.  
  
Firstly, I think that you can still improve that introductory paragraph if you focus a lot more on integrating a more cohesive and concise writing pattern. For instance, the first sentence immediately could have been separated into two different sentences that would both be shorter and have their own core thought/value. Implementing this format of writing is better in the long-run for a more sustainable writing pattern.  
  
In the body paragraphs, you could have opted to incorporate more concrete information or examples instead of over-extending the entire definition of the texts themselves. If you do this, you will surely be able to have a more integral writing pattern that does not sacrifice any portion of the text.  
  
Like what I always tell others, do not forget and just leave behind the conclusion. This part of the text is utterly essential for building the final remarks of the message you're trying to relay. Try to always maximize it to have a better and more elaborate attempt in writing.
@jungsooyeon  
In the first body paragraph, you use "are used for" too much, you should replace it by some symnonyms like utilized. In the next paragraph, I see you use the structure "not only but also". If you use it, you should use "not only does this flood hurt people, it also consumes ..." to show better your skill of structure usage. There are still some typing mistakes in your essay, I think. Overall, you use some good words to help me to learn from your essay, thank you!
## making people to avoid fast foods

  
  
Nowadays, the question of whether the government should command or not a higher tax on fast food that has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Because of this kind of these foods cause humans dangerous diseases such as cardiovascular and fatty liver disease. However, this core of this concern is not advantages but what is significant will be the downsides.  
  
There are several reasons why the government should burden with a big tax on junk foods. First, increasing a high tax will make fast foods that are unaffordable to low-income people. This means that they would frequently prepare for their meals at home than buying these foods, which is conducive to them about their finance and health. Second, with a ton of waste from fast foods like plastics pipe, plastics cup, and tissues discharge into the environment excessively, which intensifies global warming. Clearly, by this policy, the government reduces a part of rubbish from these plastics products, the environment will more fresh and less pollution in the future.  
  
On the other hand, some benefits of fast foods bring to people that can not overlook. First, some people who are busy with work and study choose fast foods since they do not have alternatives. This means that those foods help them saving much time to eat ordinary meals without taking a lot of time to cook the dish. Second, in the fast-food industry in developed countries like Singapore, Japan provides a significant economic. The consumption of those foods can contribute boost to the economy of their nation. In conclusion, raising taxes leads to not the best decision to solve this issue. By considering all the cons and pros of fast foods, the government should educate knowledge citizens about healthy knowledge rather than that policy.
@camchi  
Hi. I would like to give you some feedback about your writing.😁  
  
First of all, your introduction including the general statement and paraphrase viewpoints which makes readers easy to understand. However, I would like to suggest that you should state your specific question which is you completely agree or disagree in the end of your introduction.  
  
For the body paragraph, the examples for your 2nd paragraph which is the government should impose more tax on fast food are logical. However, for the 3rd paragraph, on my own opinion, you use "on the other hand" that means you are going to state a different point of view. But I still read the same point of view that is followed by paragraph 2 and I don't know what is the relevant between imposing more tax on fast food and saving time. If you have spare time, I suggest you can try to read some sample answers that may help you to acquire some better ideas.  
  
Last but not least, your conclusion should writing into the new paragraph and never ever add any new idea into your conclusion. (Ex:government should educate....)  
  
In your summary, you should restate your opinion(I strongly agree/disagree...) and restate 2 reasons (because...) Simple and easy to read.  
  
Hope it would help.😁😁
Your essay is very good . It's very sensible of you to bring economics adduction into your writing . However , there're still things needed to be discussed . As the user before me has pointed out the flaws in the general arrangement , I just want to point out some trivial grammar mistake ." Because of this kind of these foods ..." you need to correct this sentence . In this essay , you used a lot of passive voice but sometimes forget to put the verb in P2 ( Eg : overlook ) . I hope my trivial personal point can somehow help you :<
@camchi  
Hi there. Welcome to the forum! I'm a contributor on the site and would love to give a feedback on your writing. I hope this isn't too late - and we would love to have you back here again!  
  
In hindsight, I do not find anything that's immensely wrong with your writing, especially because you have quite a decent grasp of the language already. What I have observed, however, is that you have a tendency to over-extend your sentences to fill the space in your writing. Instead of focusing so much on over-explaining, I heavily recommend that you focus more on trying to analyze the content itself.  
  
When we take a look at the second paragraph, for instance, the second point merely appeared to be a ramble than an actual additional point to the writing. What I suggest is trying to incorporate a more personalized interpretation of details by explaining the impact of these events, rather than focusing solely on what is happening. Having a more forward approach will benefit you in the long-run in constructing relevant content.
***## Even though developing countries receive financial help, poverty is still an issue.

  
Some say they should be receiving other kind of help, to eliminate poverty. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give examples and suggest what other form of help can be offered.***  
  
Over the past few decades, United Nation has been delivering thousands of financial help to the Third World countries, though poverty still exist among them. Some suggest that they should be given another form of aid instead of only monetary support. In my opinion, I absolutely agree with this notion and there are two primary reasons for this.  
  
In the first place, although there is tremendous amount of monetary outlays given to the unprivileged people, they are still in financial burden as a result of the serious corruption in the Third World governments. Those governments constantly take away almost half of the financial support as a part of their administrative cost and the cut that the poor received is incredibly tiny. It is therefore, the United Nation should hold a local organization and distribute the monetary support through that organization in order to avoid the local greedy people take away what suppose to be given to the lower classes.  
  
Secondly, poverty is always caused by low education level and the children of the poor parents are barely able to change their lives. Even in an advanced cities like Hong Kong, the average salaries for the children with illiterate parents are relatively lower than the children born in high educated families according to a social research. In other words, poverty will pass to the next generations if they cannot receive a proper education such that they no longer need to work with low paid. In Hong Kong, there are numerous voluntary teaching giving to the Third World children which I believe is one of the possible solution to revolutionize the situation.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that this is clearly a problem of such complexity that no solution is likely in the short term. However, I believe that the measures outlined above would constitute a good first step.
Hi everyone. Currently, I am practicing my writing SKILL for the upcoming IELTS test. I already took an IELTS test and got 6.0 while my goal is to reach 7.5. Need your help to review my essay and perhaps your opinions about what should I improve to reach band 7.5. Thanks in advance!  
  
## IELTS Writing Task 2 about environment

  
  
*Some people say that protecting the environment is the government's responsibility. Others believe that every individual should be responsible for it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.* (source: ielts-blog.com)  
  
There is an opinion that the government is completely responsible for maintaining the environment while others think it belongs to everyone. Both subjects have their own responsibility particularly to support the sustainable environment.  
  
The government has greater possibility to arrange regulations and once it is ratified, every citizen must obey it. Having this rights, the government may contribute protecting the nature for broader impacts. To illustrate, the Indonesian government will charge 100 million rupiahs and punish for 5 years for those who capture and sell wildlife based on Act No. 5 1999. However, a rule is meaningless if people refuse to abide and unwilling to give a care for current environment condition. Therefore, individual's participation is also demanded.  
  
Doing small things may yield great impacts together. In fact, the environment problem, such as plastic pollution, was made up by everyone's dependency to use plastic-made products in daily life. If we turn this habit into reducing or prevent single use plastic, slowly but sure, the plastic pollution volume may be reduced gradually. Even though the government has ruled this issue, however, it will not be succeed without each person's awareness in taking responsibility.  
  
To conclude, to protect the environment, the government and citizen are not working separately. Each of them must have particular responsibilities and should work together in their own ways to maintain the environment.