dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***Question**:  
**Some people think that developing countries need financial help from international organizations. Others think that it is practical aid and advice that is needed.***  
## Discuss these views and give your own opinion

  
  
While some opine that financial support from international community is crucial to the developing nations, others believe that other types of useful aid and consultancy are much more necessary. This essay will discuss both of these views and elaborate on the reasons why practicality is indispensable.  
  
On the one hand, the aid of international community is of paramount importance to the development of less-developed parts of the world. Advocates of granting developing countries financial help may argue that this form of support is essential for constructing infrastructure. The construction of public amenities such as schools and hospitals can be financed with budgetary support, which may make education and healthcare services accessible to many citizens. Another reason is that when the state income from taxes is not adequate, foreign cash injections are vital to maintain effective administration systems by paying salaries to governmental staff members who play a pivotal role in monitoring all sections of a nation.  
  
However, I am firmly convinced that non-financial assistance from the international community would benefit such countries more in terms of long-term development. As technology transferring and labour force tranining have long-lasting effects on developing countries' economy, this approach may shorten the gap between the first-world countries and the second-world ones. In addition to this, hands-on support and advice are indispensable for further development. If citizens' knowledge in a country as well as their scientific literacy is only at a basic level, the country is not likely to move forward no matter how much financial aid they receives.  
  
All things considered, although budgetary support from global community is beneficial in a few aspects, I believe that giving advice and practical aid should be underscored.  
  
Could anyone spare a few minutes to give some feedback on this? Thank you so much.
why practicality is indispensable  
Is this your personal point of view ? If yes, then frame it as such. Respond as required by the prompt. The aforementioned presentation does not deliver in the expected format. You will lose points based on an improper response presentation.  
  
I believe that giving advice and practical aid should be underscored.  
This is the clear opinion that should be in the first paragraph. This cannot be used as a concluding statement. Presenting your opinion at the end this way will result in a failing overall score.  
  
The response format in terms of discussion paragraphs needs work. you have to justify the belief of the 2 public sides in individual paragraphs first. Answer the question "Why are their beliefs correct" before you offer your own opinion.
## The gold sales in Dubai

  
The line graph shows gold sales in Dubai during 2002. It's clear that the Dubai gold sales fluctuated throughout the year. As it is presented in the graph, the highest sales were in March while the lowest peak of the gold sales was in July and September.  
  
As it is evident from the graph, 200 million of dirhams in January is a starting point. After that, the gold sales started to grow slightly, then reached the highest point in March about 350 million of dirhams. Ever since, it fell from 350 million in March to 120 million in July. However, there was a rise in 80 million in August that dropped in September. Then, the sales amount increased in October and continued to grow gradually to 200 million of dirhams in December. The figures remained unchanged in October and November and reached almost the same point as in the beginning of year about 200 million in December.  
  
In conclusion, March, July, and September are months when the gold sales achieved the highest and the lowest points. But the sales remained stable from October to December.  
  
*
The currency of sales needs to be mentioned in the summary overview. As the writer, you need to let the reader know early on that the U. S. dollar is not the currency consideration in use. The reader needs to know that the U.S. dollar is not the default currency as that is the automatic assumption of international readers. It also better prepares the reader for the mention of Dinhams later on. By the way, being an official currency, Dinham is a proper noun that should be capitalized when used as a value reference.  
  
rise in 80 million  
rise TO 80...  
  
that dropped in September.  
To what value? You may provide an estimate for this. Avoid general statements when the image allows for a value estimation.  
  
In conclusion,  
Task 1 essays do not need a conclusion because this is a report analysis rather than an opinion essay.
***Some people say that physical education classes are an important part of a child's education. Others believe that it is more important to focus on academics during school time.***  
  
## Discuss both this view and give your opinions.

  
  
(INTRODUCTION) Opinions differ as to whether physical education is a crucial subject of system education or whether students should concentrate on academics when they study at school. This essay will examine both the pluses and the minuses of physical education and academic lessons, as well as give some personal thoughts about this issue.  
  
(Body paragraph 1) It is a positive fact that students need to learn physical classes at school. The main reason why students have to study physical activities at school is due to the development of both physical and mental health. For instance, students need to learn yoga, badminton, volleyball, etc. in class. Subsequently, they would have good health and fit bodies to stand up to the pressure from studying and social life. Furthermore, schools also create physical education classes to help students reduce stress and anxiety after difficult subjects such as Math, History, etc. A good illustration of this condition is students will feel conscious to prepare for the next lessons after going outside to enjoy the atmosphere. Last but not least, physical education can help children have more skills to improve their health such as swimming which is one of the most important facilities for everyone.  
  
(Body paragraph 2) On the other hand, it is more vital for students to concentrate on academics during the school day. First of all, some parents think that long-hour study of special training courses is more required for their future's progeny than other games or physical activities. That is because, in modern life, various top universities require their students to have a perfect report to follow the educational programs at these schools. We can see that if you want to pass the entrance examination to the universities which have high reputation, you have to highly focus on some compulsory subjects like Mathematics, Literature, and English. Additionally, they believe that games or other sports will not help them succeed in life or choose a suitable career. Therefore, all of their attention should be focused on science and other vital subjects in school.  
  
(CONCLUSION) To reiterate, I strongly believe in the numerous advantages of physical education in terms of healthy growth and development as well as relieving stress and anxiety. However, there are several plus points to concentrate on academics during school time regarding broadening children's general knowledge and also orienting students to have a better future.
When using the 2 paragraph format for this comparative discussion, you must provide your point of view for each public opinion. That means you have to present your opinion at the end of the public analysis.These general statements are unacceptable as you fail to identify the difference between the public opinion and your personal point of new. This leads to confusion for the reader who needs to identify the differing opinions.  
  
You cannot reiterate an opinion in the conclusion that was notspelled out in the previous paragraphs. This is the one opinion essay discussion that does not use a single point of view. The lack of correct 3rd person and first person pronouns is the source of the presentation confusion.
## is it the governent role to tackle the obesity problem among children?

  
  
In many parts of the world, it is increasingly common for children to gain weight out of control and lead a sedentary lifestyle over the past few decades. While many people argue that it is essential for the government to tackle this problem, I completely disagree with this statement because parents and young individuals should be responsible for this.  
  
There are several reasons why it is not the government's obligation to handle increasing overweight problems and unhealthy lifestyles among children. Firstly, the government has to take responsibility for other serious problems that have immediate impacts on the development of a country. For instance, manifold imperative issues that are directly associated with national security or devastating environmental phenomena need more of the government's concern. As a result, if the government had to be accountable for dealing with the prevalence of overweight and an unhealthy lifestyle among teenagers, it would lead to the lack of time and national budgets allocated for other more serious problems. Another argument is that the popularity of children's overweightness arises from their unhealthy eating habits and their sedentary lifestyles. In other words, teenagers, nowadays, consume too much fast food which are rich in saturated fat and deficient in nutritious substances and spend hours and hours staring at interactive screens instead of taking regular exercise. Therefore, it is definitely true that children should take responsibility for their obesity rather than the government.  
  
Moreover, I hold a belief that parents of children who are suffering from overweightness should be liable for this matter. They should pay attention to which food their offspring eat everyday. By doing so,they can make a great contribution to controlling the balance of nutrients in children's diet, reducing the incidence of being overweight among children. Moreover, parents should educate their kids about dire consequences of the excessive consumption of junk food so that they can be more aware of their unhealthy eating habits. In addition, it can make a huge difference to the decrease in children's weight, if parents limit the amount of time allowed for using the Internet and other online platforms and encourage them to take part in outdoor activities to lead a more active lifestyle.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that the government has no duty to address the obesity issue which is increasingly popular among children since it is the responsibility of children and their parents
The prompt restatement is totally inaccurate. It fails to refer to the original statement as it adds a discussion on a sedentary lifestyle along with a misplaced time frame reference. Both additions have changed the original statement leading to an unrelated topic representation. However, the reference to government responsibility and accurate response presentation saved the paragraph score.There will be a minimal deduction applied for the erroneous first sentence.  
  
overweight problems and unhealthy lifestyles  
Redundant words used in the essay. Use synonyms or refrain from the constant mention as it will result in a score down based on memorized phrases.  
  
sedentary lifestyles  
This is a topic that is not included in the original presentation. The constant reference further adds to the score markdown.  
  
Moreover  
Repeated transition word. Work on synonym usage.
I am new and my English is also not so good. Pl. suggest for improvement  
  
## Current pandemic impact on my low score at exam

  
  
In my 12th Exam I got 76% marks based on my internal assessment , I was totally dissatisfied with such low score , my expectation was somewhere ~95%. So I decided to challenge it, I file petition for the same.  
  
Later on review committee approve my case to appear in offline test paper. I was doing my preparation for it but destiny had decided something different for me. Just before the paper I started feeling uneasiness in breathing, cold & fever. Later Test report clear that I was infected with Covid-19 Virus. I was shifted to hospital.  
  
My parents discussed with school authority, they agreed to make isolated arrangement for me, if I discharge from hospital before paper.  
  
It was my fighting instinct, Parents & Doctor's support, which always encourage me in recovery. Finally I went to the exam center, feeling very week, there was no co-ordination in between brain & body , it seems I have no control on my body.  
  
I knew now I cannot achieve what I was expected but still I cannot accept defeat and surrender to the devil , known as Covid-19.
I am not sure if this paper is meant to be used in an academic appeal or, if it is just an English writing exercise. Eitherway, it is too short a presentation. While it this to build up drama in 2 aspects; as a struggling student and later, as a Covid- 19 patient, it fails on both counts. The writer does not adequately convince the leader that he was wronged during the first test and, that he was too affected by Covid when he took the second test. An admission of fault to some degree on the student's part would have helped show repentance and a desire to correct his faults while overcoming obstacles. It would have shown that Covid was the unknown factor that prevented his success.
Thank you Mr. Holt,  
I changed it a little bit ,pl. comment  
  
There was anxiety in the environment, nervousness in the mind as July month started but till now 12th examination schedules were not declared, delay in the announcement was increasing the fretfulness. Finally end of July Central board of Secondary Education (CBSE) announce that examination will be started from 20th August. Our heartbeats racing at a hypersonic speed. Excitement was at peak, only sky was the limit of this exhilaration. Examination was not the only reason behind the excitement other reason was meeting with friends. We have not met from last 1 year because of pandemic, maximum of us are below 18 and vaccination is not available for us so parents not allowed us to venture outside.  
  
In the beginning of August I started feeling uneasiness in breathing, cold & fever. Later Test report clear that I was infected with Covid Virus. I was shifted to hospital. My parents discussed with school authority, school offered two option: defer the examination for 1 year and appear in next year or appeared as per scheduled date. I prefer latter one, they agreed to make isolated arrangement for me, if I discharge from hospital before paper.  
  
It was my fighting instinct, Parents & Doctor's support, which always encourage me in recovery. Finally the "D-Day" arrived. I went to the exam center I was feeling very week, there was no co-ordination in between brain & body , it seems I have no control on my body. I completed my exam in this condition  
  
I knew now I cannot achieve what I was expected but still I cannot accept defeat and surrender to the devil, known as Covid-19.
## Youngsters - the future of humanity

  
  
We are living in an era of development and innovation so everything gradually becomes better and better. On the other hand, there are still more problems about criminals, discrimination, rich-poor gap,... In which, the problem of young people can not be missing. Because youngsters are very important for future of humanity.  
  
In my opinion, there are tow main problem in the youngsters:  
The first, most young people often meet the issue of psychology and ethics. At of age, they have rebellious tendencies and feel without one person understanding them. The way for this is adults should take care young people more than. If youngsters feel alone, adults should listen to them and after give advice but attention avoids force them or judgments. The role of adult people should be a supporter, not a controller.  
  
The second, pressure scores and achievements in school from them parents or someone in the family. Adult in the house impose children their must is good student and do not allow children play, only focus on learn. Everything of children are decided by mature people, such as chose career, interfere in relationships, favourite,... The over supervise cause young people to feel the house is like a prison. Besides, study continually not play leads to stress and they could not they less attitude. And so adult people especially in family should sympathy and promote them study instead of constrain. Educating young people about self-discipline and independence from an early age is more reasonable than restricting them.  
  
After all, youngsters lack experience and they need proper look after by mature people. Because without young people there would be no adults. They are like bricks that make up a strong stronghold of all humans.
The restatement plus opinion paragraph will get an automatic failing scou as the writers representation does not reflect the original topic not the discussion instructions in any way. This will be considered an irrelevant representation and as such, be awarded the most relevant non-passing paragraph score. Once an essay fails to adhere to the original requirements, it will be considered an alteration and be scored based on its inapplicability to the discussion. It will prevent a passing score once other errors, such as incorrect punctuation use is added (Note: a comma can never be succeeded by an ellipse. No successive punctuation usage is allowed in English grammar).  
  
tow  
Vocabulary weakness based on lack of proofreading. Tow means to pull, Two is a numerical reference.  
  
At of age  
What age? Grammatical confusion leading to points deduction.  
  
The essay will recieve the lowest marks possible as the exam taker shows clear evidence of not being properly educated about various sentence structure, punctuation, and grammar rules. He is incapable of writing a coherent sentence, much less a paragraph. More theoretical grammar lessons are needed before the student attempts to write another task 2 essay.
'Adult in the house impose children their ...'  
  
This sentence is quite confusing, maybe due to the grammatical errors.  
- 'Adults' not 'adult'.  
- 'In the family' instead of 'in the house'  
- Allow sb TO DO sth  
- Overall, this sentence and the previous one should be combined and changed to 'Some adults are so obsessed with good grades and excellent academic performance that they force their children to focus too much on learning. Therefore, these youngsters have almost no time left for playing and exploring the world.'  
  
This is only my opinion. Hope this would help!
***Many claim that the fast food industry had negative effects on the environment, eating habits and families.  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?***  
  
The prevalence of fast food is widely deemed to be detrimental to Mother Nature as well as key aspects of a healthy life, including diets and domestic relationships. Personally, I am an ardent advocate of the mentioned viewpoint.  
  
That convenience food adversely affects what one eats is readily apparent. A rise in red meat, salt and calories intakes is witnessed for virtually all people embarking upon the consumption of fast food on a regular basis, compared to their previous self-cooked meals with fresh ingredients bought from the market which might be more of an organic nature. In other words, owing to fast food being easily accessible to them, these individuals switch from a more or less healthier home-made diet to quick meals want of nutritions and high in substances that give rise to severe health issues such as hypertension, obesity and cardiovascular diseases.  
  
Opponents of fast food also point to the fact that the constant use of it contributes to family aloofness, with which I consent. Ready meals of this kind deprive husbands and wives, as well as parents and children, of the opportunity to prepare and have dinner together after working separately for a whole day. This absence of family activities could, over a long period of time, induces a frosty atmosphere and a lack of mutual understanding among family members.  
  
In addition, there are environmental concerns raised with regards to the increasingly expanding junk food industry. Hamburgers, one of the most celebrated types of fast food, have beef as their core component. The significant demand for such ingredient encourages the farming of beef cattle, whose excrement releases methane, which is an even more potent candidate than carbon dioxide as a culprit behind global warming.  
  
To conclude, I am convinced that the expense of fast food brands thriving is the public's dietary plans and domestic happiness, as well as the environment, Earth's atmosphere in particular, are all negatively impacted.
While the writer shows a relatively wide English vocabulary, the writing is mostly devoid of a logical discussion. A native English speaker will easily recognize that the writer has said the same thing repeatedly in the same paragraph. There is a lack of discussion development that adds depth to the discussion. The writer comes across as a writer who is more focused on word count rather than the coherence and cohesiveness of the statements.  
  
There are transition words used in the essay, but not enough. As there are 3 topics for discussion more transition words and transition sentences should be found/read in the writing. The writer must focus on the substance of the essay, not just vocabulary usage.
## are organic products beneficial as advertised?

  
  
Nowadays, since consumers are increasingly aware of what they are purchasing and eating, organic food products have gained in popularity over the past few years. This essay will highlight both the benefits and the drawbacks which result from such a switch from unclean food goods to safe and hygienic ones.  
  
Looking firstly at the positives, one major upside is that the production of organic products involves eco-friendly farming methods. Therefore, not only will farmers be able to save a certain amount of money, but the serious soil and water pollution will be mitigated and bettered. What is more, because of the reduced quantity of chemical substances used in the manufacturing process of organic food, such products are cleaner and safer to consume.  
  
However, apart from the advantages which this kind of goods has to offer, it is worth taking into account that organic food does present some issues. The main justification for this view is its higher prices compared to non-organic food. This is due to the fact that the requirements for organic farming are much more challenging and difficult to meet. Because when little or no synthetic pesticides and chemicals are used, more manual labor, physical work, and time will be needed. Lastly, with the absence of chemical substances, organic goods suffer from short durability despite being clean as well as healthy. Hence, were not to be consumed in time, a great deal of organic food will be wasted.  
  
To conclude, although organic products are beneficial in terms of the environment's and our well-being, they still post certain problems.