dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## unrestricted usage of internet and kids

  
  
More and more children are accessing the internet unsupervised at a younger age. This can sometimes put children at risk. What problems do you think parents face when dealing with their children using the internet? How can that problem be solved?  
  
There is no denying that the advent of the internet has generated concerns about the tremendous implications that the unrestricted usage of it might bear for young children. There are several problems that derive from this act, and in order to contemplate on an effective solution, it is considered essential to present the challenges that parents might encounter.  
  
First and foremost, the internet has been an indispensable tool for people's daily lives, and it is hard to convince a child not to use it. To be precise, parents set the pace for their children, but as long as the internet is a vital tool for the work and other adults' needs, it is inevitable for parents not to use it and exemplify for their sons. Simultaneously, once the child is introduced to the virtual world, significant effort is required to influence him as a parent. Another problem that parents have to deal with is the young's refusal to do homework because they are absorbed by the attractive world of the internet.  
  
Taking into consideration all the aforementioned problems, it is evident that finding an effective solution is a rather uphill task for parents. Nevertheless, I consider that the most efficient ways to alleviate this issue are through constructive dialogues and dedication of quality time with the children. It has been proven that children's most significant need is their parents' attention. Additionally, parents can discuss the internet with young people and its destructive consequences in a simple and convincing way, so that the message will be transmitted.  
  
To recapitulate, the unsupervised access to the internet can pose a threat to children's development. Only if the solutions mentioned were applied will parents encounter fewer challenges with this issue.
There is a standard rule in writing the Task 2 test. To get a high score, keep sentences short and clear. Why? Long and wordy sentences tend to overdo the presentation, causing confusion for the reader and improper vocabulary use on the part of the exam taker. Your first paragraph is definitely an example of the pitfalls of a long and wordy sentence. The number of words you write are not as important as the clarity of your message per sentence, per paragraph. Let me show you how you could have made a better presentation for the prompt restatement:  
  
*There is a growing trend of youngsters going online without any adult overseeing their cyberspace activities. This is a situation that causes dangerous scenarios for the kids. There are several complications that parents should identify in this scenario. After identifying the red flag situations, parents should be prepared to work out the situations for the protection of the kids.*  
  
The above presentation shows a clear representation of the original prompt discussion topic and discussion requirements. It is not too wordy and not too focused on advanced vocabulary usage. Some people will say, "use complicated words to score higher!" That is wrong! The examiner is looking for a natural flow of discussion, the vocabulary used should not feel forced or out of place in the discussion. Keeping things simple allow you to clearly present your thoughts. That is what you are scored on anyway, not the word count of complicated vocabulary use. However, if you are a master of writing advanced English level papers, then go ahead and try to sound like Einstein. Just make sure it sounds natural in the presentation.  
  
Your first reasoning paragraph got lost in translation. Were you referring to the current work and study from home scenario? You did not do a good job of referring to that. The presentation is lacking in explanation development and supporting samples. However, the second paragraph managed to get the job done. You were able to explain yourself in a somewhat clear manner. I understood what you wanted to say. Don't get me wrong, the paragraph could use further explanations and example presentations to show the effectiveness of your suggested solutions.  
  
The summary overview is short by one sentence. All the paragraphs should have at least 3 sentences. You should have offered an example of the internet trouble a child can face and, the final sentence, could be the solution you suggested parents apply.  
  
I can see that you are capable of understanding the prompt discussion topic and instructions. The problem is the way you write. You have to practice thinking and writing in English. Never think in your native tongue and then translate word for word. That is how you end up with confusing sentences and little explained paragraph presentations.
Hello every writing experts, I am going to take the IELTS exam and I sincerely hope you all can give me some comments and hopefully a grade predictions. Thank you. I have taken the exam twice and my writing is stuck at 6. I really hope to get 7. Please help me. Thank you.  
  
## The consequences of eating too much fast food

  
  
**Question: In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?**  
  
With the ever-increasing obesity rate, whether or not the officials should implement a higher tax on fast food chains has become a widely debated topic. While many believe that it should be done to ensure public health, others maintain that they should not intervene business activity as well as people's living. Given that this food trend can bring adverse impact and the government are obligated to ensure people's health, I strongly agree that a higher tax should be imposed to raise the effectiveness on preventing citizens from over-consuming unhealthy fast food.  
  
Concerning the negative effect, fast food restaurants sell extremely high calories food. As an example, McDonald's sell deep fried french fries, soda with high sugar content and unhealthy burger. They contain exceedingly high calories by which nutritionists said that a McDonald's cheeseburger with fries already exceeded the daily suggested sodium level intake. At best, costumers will be overweighted. At worst, they will suffer from chronic disease like coronary heart disease and diabetes. Raising the price allow people to think twice before buying them. Therefore, a higher selling price can impede citizens from eating foods with high fat content.  
  
Regarding government's responsibility, they are responsible to ensure people's health. Given that high calories fast food can bring detrimental and even irreversible impact, the government should act on it by reducing the temptations. For instance, Hong Kong currently has a high duty on tobacco so as to control the number of smokers. In fact, the harmfulness of fast food is no less than that of cigarette. As a result, as a responsible government, raising the tax on unhealthy food can ensure the public's physical health.  
  
Having discussed the harm on eating fast food and government's responsibility, I firmly believe that the officials should spare no efforts preventing citizens from harming their health through high calories foods. If the government could do so, I am confident that the obesity rate as well as the number of people suffering from chronic diseases could decline significantly.
Where did the obesity topic come from? There is a general reference to health concerns in the original discussion, you should not have changed the topic in your restatement.  
  
There is no need to discuss the negative effects in the manner that you did. Rather, the negative effect should be mentioned in short form, only as a reference point for the increased taxes. You could have done better in your first reasoning paragraph. Rather, you should be discussing 2 separate topic paragraphs that will simply support the strength of your agreement with the proposal (higher tax on fast food). You had too much emphasis on the health discussion when the focus should have been mostly on the benefits that increased taxes would afford the public such as:  
  
*"Higher quick food taxes would result in health benefits for the people. Rather than reaching for the soda which, when drank regularly could result in Diabetes, the person could reach for a bottle of distilled water instead as a cheaper and healthier alternative. The same goes for the high calorie foods. Instead of a Whopper Burger, the person would opt for the much healthier Apple instead. Thus creating a healthier lifestyle for the person, all because of the way that the junk meals will no longer be as affordable as these currently are. "*  
  
Your first discussion paragraph created an accidental prompt deviation because you said "Concerning the negative effect" instead of using a more relevant topic sentence such as; "Higher convenient food taxes will result in a healthier person because..." . Explain how the food tax will help create a healthier person. Always stay on point. Use the actual topic in various forms to represent the discussion topic. For the second paragraph, the discussion topic should have been; "Given that high calories fast food can bring detrimental and even irreversible impact, the government should act on it by reducing the temptations." Then proceed to discuss the benefits of the food tax in terms of lessening the temptation to eat food on the go.  
  
Your essay deviated from the original prompt yet again in the concluding paraphrase. Why did you decide to focus on obesity when it was not mentioned in the original prompt? This misunderstanding of the prompt discussion format on your part is what will cause this essay to get a low score.
Hello every writing experts, I am going to take the IELTS exam and I sincerely hope you all can give me some comments and hopefully a grade predictions. I really hope to get 7. Please help me. Thank you.  
  
## Accepting or overcoming difficulties

  
  
topic:Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. discuss both these views and give your own opinion  
  
Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations.  
  
On the one hand, accepting a bad situation sounds natural to some. In our life we may face numerous adversities and obstacles, so we must get used to it and accept it, instead of trying to escape. Furthermore, stepping out of one's comfort zone and tackle the problem head-on is always the best chance for one to improve.  
  
For the beginners in a new area, it is common to suffer from problems. however, it is also an opportunity to deal with them and learn the fundamental knowledge gradually, instead of finding short cuts or try to pick up the basics quickly without thoroughly understanding.  
  
On the other hand, people consider it a better option to improve the situation. In their point of view, standing for the same situation may contribute to a vicious cycle and it is crucial to improve the situation. For example, occasionally, one's salary just doesn't match one's basic needed, and it is better to improve your skills to earn more money rather than intending to downsize your living expense.  
  
In conclusion, trying to keep the balance between each side is important. The elasticity of measuring the situation is necessary, unlimitedly bearing difficulties or changing your situation is not the optimal decision. Evaluating the situation and adapt to it to some degree, at the same time, trying to improve it periodically is more preferable.
You failed to discuss the essay in the proper manner. You were supposed to provide a 5 paragraph essay that focuses on delivering the following information:  
  
- Restatement + Opinion (optional)  
- Public point of view 1 (with group pronoun usage)  
- Public point of view 2 (with group pronoun usage)  
- Personal point of view (with 1st personal pronoun usage)  
  
You did not present a complete paraphrase of the topic. You neglected to add information about how the discussion was to proceed based on the given discussion instructions. The actual discussion is also incomplete due to the lack of proper reference to the point of view. You cannot use a generalized discussion in this situation because there are 3 points of view that need to be represented in individual paragraphs.  
  
I believe that you are studying on your own right? So you don't really have any solid examples of how to best approach this essay. You should look at the available samples of how to write this type of essay at this forum. Just tap on the Similar Discussions link to see related content. As of now, I cannot assess your essay beyond the TA section because that is actually what you failed to do in this essay. You failed to address the essay as per the formatting and discussion requirements of the original prompt. I showed you the outline that you should have used above. That is a start in terms of correcting the format of your discussion presentation for the comparative essay with personal opinion discussion format.  
  
By the way, do not use conclusions with every paragraph. You should be using transition sentences to help introduce the next paragraph topic. The concluding sentence is only used at the end of the reverse paraphrase, which you did not properly do on this essay either.
## What causes two people to become friends?

  
  
Assignment:  
  
In her novel Sense and Sensibility, Jane Austen wrote, 'It is not time or opportunity that is to determine intimacy. Seven years would be insufficient to make some people acquainted with each other, and seven days are more than enough for others.''  
  
What are your thoughts on the idea that neither time nor opportunity can determine intimacy? What causes two people to become friends? Compose an essay in which you express your views on this topic. Your essay may support, refute, or qualify the views expressed in the excerpt.  
  
Essay:  
  
It is neither time nor opportunity that can determine intimacy. This is a crucial topic and here the bond between two people(as friends or enemies) will be discussed.  
  
What causes two people to become allies? Is it time or opportunity? Is it the high status, wealth and authority that one can give to someone close to them? Of course not, when we talk about the bond of friendship we say that there is an understanding and good chemistry. One can feel the joy or suffering that the other person is going through.  
  
In the series of Harry Potter, it clearly tells us that Harry trusts his two friends, Ron and Hermione and depends on them. They have a bond so beautiful, it is hard to describe it in words. This was not possible because they spent seven years or more with each other but because they were able to express themselves and be honest. They were comfortable around each other and were always there for each other.  
  
In the contrary, the quote,"It is neither time nor opportunity that is to determine intimacy. Seven years would be insufficient to make some people acquainted with each other, and seven days are more than enough for others," holds true meaning to the reality that is expressed between the acquaintance of two people.  
  
Hi! Can you grade my essay and tell me how much marks I might get if the total number of marks were 6. Thanks
"They have a bond so beautiful" what do you mean?  
"They have a bond so beautiful, it is hard to describe it in words" --> "their bondings are beyond your wildest imaginations."  
Honestly, it is very difficult for me to understand what you are trying to say. You tried too hard on this essay, try to write more easy english first. The presentations of points are very poor, I cannot understand what the story is about, grammatic and sentence structure are poor, you can change it by using short sentences. Try it step by step before using complex sentence structures.
You won't be happy with the score that this essay might get. Mostly because you did not really discuss the quote as it applies to the Jane Austen novel. The insertion of Harry Potter was misplaced. The discussion should only borrow justifications or refuting sentences from the novel Sense and Sensibility. That is the basis of the essay discussion. The professor is asking you to analyze the friendship or adversary relationship of the characters. Your response failed to borrow from the book in terms of analysis and discussion points. It would most likely get a 0 score because of it.  
  
You posed a series of questions in the response, yet your response to these questions did not borrow from the discussion of time or opportunity as the creator of intimacy among people. In other words, your essay does not respond properly to the given prompt. You have to read the novel in its totality, borrow specific passages from it to use in your discussion in relation to time intimacy. Do not lose focus of the discussion points. Do not use non-related novels for your justification. You may refer to your personal experience though. This essay calls for a personal analysis of the passage and the professors normally appreciate it when students relate the passage to their personal involvement in similar situations.
## The technology impacts on human's creativity

  
  
subject: As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.  
discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take.  
  
The statement link the technology with the deterioration in the ability for humans to think for themselves. However, the assumption in the statement is that our increasing reliance on technology negate the need of humans to learn and think. Although the increasing amount of technology provides us more and more convenience: people commute to work from home to the company ten kilometers away in only twenty minutes by automobile; employees process information using wireless network and coordinate tasks with someone from the other edge of oceans through computer, convenience does not preclude the thinking ability that marks the human race.  
  
Firstly, technology makes our life more efficiently. Technology does not allow our minds to deteriorate by using them, but allow things more easier for humans so that we can save time for more important things. Think about how the digital revolution and the advent of internet has introduced such an unparalleled exchange of ideas. People process information on a silicon bridge that are 0.09 microns wide. Computers free us from the massive and tedious calculation so that we can concentrate more on the issue itself. Moreover, technology opens pathway of various thinking. With increased interdisciplinary interaction, inspiration can com from the most surprising corner. For example, ipad, a kind of tablet computer, provide designers a new way to create art works. You can draw with whatever color you want without painting brushes and pigments. You can also change the mode of drawing(sketch, oil painting, etc.) only tipping several bottons. These technology inspires the unfettered imagination of artists.  
  
Secondly, technology not only frees humans to tackle problems, but also may itself create new issues that did not exist before. For example, the proliferation of industry has introduce a need for fuel conservation on a global scale. As a result, environment pollution becomes a concern inconceivable to the horse-and-buggy generation.  
  
In summary, we are seeing a golden age of technology, it provides hope to the future of human life. From the discovery of fire to the implementation of satellite, the creativity that mark the human species never deteriorate. instead, there will be no boundary for human to search, and the number of problems has been increasing all the time, more and more puzzles need us to tackle.  
  
could you help me check if there are grammer and expression mistakes? I will be very grateful !
Your discussion does not really connect with the given discussion topic. The sentence structures are ESL - beginner at best, and the word formations show a lack of proper vocabulary information. The prompt is asking you to: *discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take.*  
  
The primary discussion should focus on the strength of your belief in agreement or disagreement with the given statement. Something that you did not properly represent in the thesis paragraph. In fact, your thesis paragraph is unclear in its discussion presentation. I believe that is because you forgot how to properly structure a sentence. You should avoid placing too much information in a single sentence. One idea per sentence. Any more than that and the sentence loses clarity. You create a run-on sentence which leads to a lack of proper discussion representation in the paragraph.  
  
You should also know that you have to properly spell the words. Specially those that refer to proper nouns. In this unique case, the word is spelled iPad. Small i capital P. You have to show that you know how to properly represent words. You should know how to use words in proper applications. A "horse and buggy" hasn't been in use for over a hundred years. However, an automobile or a car, has been in worldwide use throughout the 20th century.  
  
Your second paragraph is not related to the discussion prompt at all. That is one of the reasons why this essay will not be able to get a score past the 3 mark. You need to learn to stay on point, discussing only the topic requirements included in the original topic and instructions. When you include discussion topics that are not relevant, your discussion tends to become irrelevant. That irrelevance tremendously lowers your test score.  
  
In reality, the essay is so riddled with errors that I do not know where to begin in helping you. So I will ask you to do the simplest solution first. Read more English materials, do more English sentence exercises, and build your English vocabulary. If you have to, memorize the dictionary and read online encyclopedias to help you become more familiar with world history, current events, and historical / technological breakthroughs. You can also do that by reading more English newspapers online.  
  
I will be honest here and tell you the truth, you are not prepared to take this test yet. You will fail if you try to take the test at this point. Your overall skills just aren't at the passing level yet. You should enroll in English writing classes if you can. That would be the best way to address the collective problems with your writing.