dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
*Question : Employers sometimes ask people for applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.  
  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.*  
  
## gathering personal details from a job candidate

  
  
In the current cut throat era, positioning a job has become difficult to everyone. In addition to this, the hirers were introduces plenty of criteria to filter a suitable employee for a given post. These may include both academic and personal information. Hence, a raging debate has arises on whether personal information should be mandatory or not.  
  
In this competitive market, in many ways the personal details such as hobbies and interested, and whether the person married or single, of a new joiner plays important roles for an employer. First, taking the marital status in consideration, being a family man or woman, few employees are very rigid to their working hours. They always give excuses to ignore the responsibilities, never finish the assigned task and leave the office premises before time. As a result, it affects the success rate of a trade and later, the employers are answerable to clients. Second, if a worker is not given a post of his or her interest then he or she can never work effectively because of lack of knowledge or not being keen to learn. In a way, it effects the economy growth of the company.  
  
On the flip side, in few area hobbies and marital status does not have much impact on their job status. Many a times, employers consider experience over personal preferences. For an example, to work in a retails shop or marketing trade, the management requires the experiences one. According to them, the more the experience the more the profit they can expect. Next, now-a-days, being aware of competition in the market, everyone is always in a ready to start mood irrespective of their interest. They always welcome any new challenges and have broadened their horizon in educational level, as well. This makes a person able to get hired easily.  
  
To recapitulate, after discussing both the views, in my opinion employers should ask for the personal information of a new comer, so that they can assign the task as per their interest. This in turn, raises the success rate and become helpful in economic growth.
Hello @Sharmistha !  
  
First, i would say that your first paragraph is so excessive and don't give clear position of the question , you should make it simple and answer the question directly through whether do you agree or disagree and it is followed by general reason.  
  
In the second paragraph, you imitate fully the question it is awful cause the examiner can consider you lack of vocabulary. Then, please paraphrase it!. overall, i can understand that your essay explains about benefit and drawbacks of marriage not a vivid perspectives why some people choose support and refuse using personal detail in job seeker form.
## studying in a group or alone?

  
  
Choosing method to study is an important issue because it can enhance students' learning ability. Two of the most common methods are studying alone and studying in a group, and students are often confused in determining which method to utilize. In my opinion, I prefer studying alone to studying with a group for two reasons below.  
  
First, studying alone can assist me in not being distracted, which is a drawback of learning in a group. In most cases, the learning group consist of close friends, and they sometimes diverge from the lesson and gossip with others. In my experience, most of my time learning in groups end up with the situation that all of my friends talking about football, music, etc, which decreases the productivity of the class. In contrast, I can spend half of the time learning with group to study alone, and the outcome is still the same. Studying with a group may be more interesting than studying alone, but in regard to productivity, studying alone is more effective.  
  
Second, studying alone can stimulate me to create my own solution to the problem. Hence, I have a first-hand experience in solving that problem, which helps me remember the solution longer and inspire me to solve more problems. In group studying, the solution is often discovered by the most talented member of the group, so the other members just need to follow the best member's solution. This might help the group to solve the problem quicker, but for the other members in the group, they cannot use their creativity to solve a problem. As a result, only a few members improve, while the other members feel frustrated in seeing the better members solve all the problems. This discourage their want for solving problem, reducing their desire for learning.  
  
In conclusion, I prefer studying alone for two reasons above. In my opinion, studying in a group has some advantages over studying alone, but studying alone can deepen the knowledge, which is the most important mission in learning.
@pmhdaflowerboy  
Hello!  
I'd like to share some ideas after reading your essay.  
  
Firstly, I like the way you present your opinions in this essay with cohesion. However, I've noticed that it would support your opinions even more if you could link some practical examples in the first paragraph.  
  
For the concluding paragraph, you were not able to restate the ideas effectively and you just repeated the same information from the introduction. I'd recommend you to recap the key info from the two paragraphs into one sentence.  
  
I hope this helps.
## valuable lessons from individual experience

  
  
Some people state that books are the invaluable sources for mankind; therefore, people should learn everything in them. Others firmly believe that personal experience is the best teacher. In my opinion, I prefer to learn from my own experience. There are three main reasons leading to my choice.  
  
Firstly, I can learn lessons effectively. Unlike a wide range of books containing informative knowledge and being based on theories,which is difficult for learner to absorb, experience makes myself understand everything immediately. Moreover, when I explore anything in my own way, I will feel excited to perceive it.  
  
Secondly, it helps me to get a well-paid job. Actually, most of companies prioritise employees who get lots of social skills. Therefore, gaining as much experience as possible is key to have good jobs. For instance, I was a volunteer that taught rural children who were illiteracy last summer; I realized many moral values I have never learned from books such as the patience in job, teamwork skill and so on.  
  
Finally, learning from experience makes my life more meaningful. In fact, I will have chance to meet different people with various characteristics, so I can follow their own successful stories and know clearly how to become a good citizen. Besides, it enables me to interact more with life and have vivid vision in the life around me.  
  
In brief, it seems better for me to learn valuable lessons from individual experience. Because it encourages my curiousity to explore my life and brings many essential values.
@iuerk19  
Welcome here. I am here to give you feedback on your writing. Hopefully, this will help you in the long-run!  
  
Firstly, I commend the writing on the first paragraph because of its structure. You had maximized the usage of punctuation to work between different clusters of thought. Great job! What I do recommend for this portion is to minimize the usage of excessive language. One key question to ask yourself when writing with intent is: Is there any way for me to make a more concise version of this text? If the answer is yes, you can deal with this in this manner. If the answer is no, then you're good to go.  
  
The bulk of the body appears to be alright, however you need to work on how you add depth to your writing. Remember that writing should not just be about uttering whatever comes to mind. Intention and prioritization are both to be considered as well.
## Is it right to exclude men and women from certain professions?

  
  
Nowadays, men and women are basically equal in workforce. However, there also exists a difference in assigning some particular professions for men and women. Because of the difference of physical body that leads to exclude certain jobs in men and women. I would explain examples to reinforce my opinion.  
  
Initially, men are physically stronger that is obviously suitable for jobs requiring men's extraordinary physical features. These jobs includes many hard requirements as hard work, work on site as minin or work in construction site, etc. Men could work much more than women and less days off. They are more safety in case of working in night shifts or encountering with crime if they are policeman. That will directly affect to the productivity in both quality and quantity.  
  
But we can not deny women's roles in some professions related to caring and teaching. They are born with listening ability to deeply understand an object, especially children who are in the early of growth as toddlers and adolescences. They need to be taught to establish and develop behaviors the firs years of life to be the right one which spritualizes the importance of women's contribution. That explain why female teacher accounts a huge amount in nursery and primary schools while. Besides, women nurses are generally more than males in hospital where patients need patient person to share and pleasure them. From this regards, I believe that assigning right person in the right working place bright us more benefit than equality in gender in workforce.  
  
To sum up, men and women can change many particular professions in modern life to come in an equality in gender but exclude them from particular jobs are inevitable because the difference of strengths and weaknesses. So that organizations, companies should appoint suitable position for both men and women to reciprocate each ones in increasing efficiency and productivity.
***Shopping malls are great places to spend more leisure time and meet other.***  
## Do you agree or disagree?

  
  
Shopping malls are considered to be good places to go with friends and families to enjoy free time together. It may be true in the past but is shouldn't be true anymore in this present era because people have many options other than malls and it can be more expensive going to malls compare to visit other attractions.  
  
Shopping malls have been being enjoyable place to go with families and to meet friends because they provide places with many preferable options, like shopping experiences, food courts, entertainments, retail stores, and some open spaces that can be used for visitors. Since malls have already existed many years, people nowadays try to find another option that will make them feel difference experiences. Cafés, restaurants, and destination places have been increasing popularisation not only by millennial but also elderly people to meet their relatives and enjoy free time together. These places are usually more convenience for people because closer to the nature and sometime create memorable moment with they lovely people.  
  
Another reason people become less interest with shopping malls is because the expenditure that they must spend in that places are quite expensive to other options. Malls are created as shopping centers for people to spent their money to buy some products or services. Meeting with friends in malls is expensive because food centers in malls set higher tariff than cafés or restaurants.  
  
In conclusion, people prefer to change their habit from going to malls at the weekend to other destinations because these places are more expensive and old-fashion place to enjoy free-time with others.
@fach1910  
Hello! Welcome to the forum! Hopefully, you like what you have been reading around here. I'm going to work and provide you with feedback on this writing.  
  
Firstly, the first sentence of the initial paragraph is alright. The problem arose in the second sentences onward. You already had a cluster of a sentence that should have been reduced into its core and separated into two different lines. When you find yourself writing excessively, always take a step back and reassess your writing.  
  
Furthermore, there's a severe imbalance in the bulk of the body of your writing. The second and third paragraphs, specifically, need to be catered and designated a little bit more to ensure that you are not merely writing without intention. Notice how, in the second paragraph, you were able to explain utterly what the central message of the text is, whereas the third paragraph is left hanging. Avoid this imbalance as it can be a distressful thing to witness in writing.
## numbers of food consumption in an European country

  
  
The graph illustrates the number of four kinds of food consumed in a European country namely fish, lamb, beef and chicken over the 25-year period from 1979 to 2004.  
  
Overall, the consumption of chicken increased while that of others tends to decrease. What stands out of the graph is that the fish consumption was the lowest of all over this period.  
  
As regards to the lines of chicken and lamb, they have the same starting figure in 1979 at about 150. However,it was obvious that the trend of them was entirely different. the figure for chicken went up fluctuately and reached a peak at over 250 in 2002. the number lamb, which was consumed dropped to approximately 65 in the end of this period  
  
The fish consumption had a steady decrease. the figure in 1979 was about 60 and the final figure is 45 in 2002. By contrast, the consumption of beef falls dramatically to 180 in the first three years of the period then rose to 240 in 1984. Subsequently , the figure went down and bottomed out at 105 in 2002.
@thanhden96  
Hello. Welcome to the forum. I hope this feedback serves you well.  
  
Before mentioning anything, it would be helpful for you to include the graph that you are basing this writing from. After all, the written work should also be evaluated on the basis of its analytical structure. I heavily recommend this for the next activity.  
  
Firstly, the first sentence needs to be hammered down a little bit more. Notice how the writing itself lacks fervor. If we take a look at your actual body paragraph (the last two paragraphs), it's quite prevalent how you had focused so much on filling in the spaces of writing rather than on the context itself. I would recommend that you try to incorporate a more extensive analysis to improve the substantiation.  
  
Furthermore, you should transition in a better way when moving in between different clusters of thought. There should have been more commas, for instance, on the last paragraph to mark this transition. Be cautious of this mistake.
## Fixed Punishment for Each Type of Crime (IELTS TASK 2)

  
  
***Some people believe that there should be a fixed punishment for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment.***  
  
It is often argued that punishment which will be given to criminalists should be considered by the crime type, yet others believe that it would be better if the judges investigate aspects of surrounding and aims of doers. Meanwhile, the former claim it is the precise method for fairness, I think by tracking criminalist track records it will give wiser penalty.  
  
First of all, many scientists from law department believe in order to build a fair situation it needs to create the permanent punishment of kinds of crime activities. Taking for example the punishment will be given differently between people who commit violence and those who corrupt the government budgets. The latter will obtain light conviction from judges, while the latter get heavier and stay longer in prison as it prejudices many members of society. Thus, classifying the quality of criminal activities prior to giving punishment is believed as the holistic way to decide a type of penalty.  
  
On the other hand, some experts who concert on humanity issue refuse the previous notion because it is inadequate to rise fairness. It will better if the judges to see the aims of activities as well as the situation which involved. Several months ago a prominent newspaper in my town had reported there were criminal doer who had similar activities took phones in mall, but final decision was difference, one of them given small time to stay in prison as the motivation to buy medicine of his son whom had illness  
  
To sum up, fixed penalty has purpose to give fairly effect without discrimination. Meanwhile, considering the background of motive will give appropriate penance.
@Ali20  
Hello. Thank you for your consistent appearance on the forum. We hope that you have been learning throughout your stay here. I'll be here once more to give you feedback.  
  
Firstly, I appreciate the directness of the first paragraph. It was quite clear what you were trying to reiterate, and this surely made it easier to digest the rest of your writing. Keep this up. What I do recommend is trying to omit portions of the text that only add weight without adding anything substantive. If we take a look at the first paragraph, for example, you were using terms such as *I think* that are not really indicative of anything concrete in your writing.  
  
Furthermore, the rest of the writing needs a little bit more work and tampering as well in this regard. If you take a look at the second paragraph, it was quite vivid that you did not properly have any distinguishable characterization that would have made your writing stand out. You were creating lengthy sentences that did not mesh well with the writing. Work on this a bit more, and I'm certain you'll be doing splendid in no time.
## interview for getting a job - with an employer's representative

  
  
I'm 28 years old and I'm Kim Yoon-na.  
I am Chinese and have worked in Korea for 4 years after graduating from university in China.  
As I liked fashion and was interested in it, I operated a clothing store since I went to college and I have been doing online marketing at Kolon Fashion Company in Korea since I graduated.After a year and a half, I had a chance to teach Chinese for a year and then go back to Shanghai, China.I have been an interpreter since I was in college, and based on my experience, I have translated business in Shanghai for various consultation meetings, exhibition, and business.However, I applied to your company because I wanted to build professional knowledge and become a master in one field.First of all, I have translated a lot into cooperation between Korean and Chinese companies, and I have received many contracts.I want to be an employee who helps the company by melting these experiences into the company and managing the company's suppliers well.
@syeekk  
Hello, welcome here! I hope that this small feedback will somewhat enlighten you with your writing.  
  
Firstly, from the get-go, you need to work on structure. This includes the usage of punctuation, spacing, pauses, and other effects that will improve how concrete your writing appears to be. If you can have a more designated approach towards the work itself, it will truly help.  
  
When you're trying to expound on specific thoughts, I do heavily suggest that you try to incorporate some form of extravagance into your writing. For instance, the first sentence (of the first paragraph) does not immediately hook the readers because it lacks passion in the wording itself. Try to add more flair to your writing to hopefully help you in this endeavor.
Hello everyone, it is the first time that I know this helpful website. My name is Dang and i am from Ho Chi Minh city where is in Vietnam, by the way you can call me Raymond. I am studying English myself for the personal purposes, so that I would like to be given as many feedbacks as possible about my following essays from all of you. Thank you for your patience and contribution. I look forward to you response.  
  
## employees to dress professionally

  
  
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**Topic:** *Many companies have always required employees to dress professionally (for instance, in a business suit). Some of these companies now allow their employees to come to work once a week in more casual clothing. Is this a good idea? Why or why not? Give reasons and examples to support your opinion.*  
  
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There is no doubt that the employees's appearance is very essential to their company. While a lot of companies have always asked their staffs to dress professionally in work, others suggested that theirs can change clothing to be more casual once a week. I will discuss both ideas of the argument and explain my support for the former view.  
  
One of the most significant benefits of the casual clothing is pleasant feeling. To imagine how incredible that is we have to shape in business suit for several days, and it exists a chance for us to look new in some different performances. For instance, if a officer worker would wear a comfortable T-shirt on Monday to begin work, he might get more energetic and more active in his duties. In contrast, wearing a formal suit on every single day in week suit could make stress and bring the effect down. Evidently, i think that coming to work once a week in more casual clothing could be an interesting idea.  
  
However, i prefer to dressing professionally all days in work office. This is because it would help us not only look more confident and attractive, but also keep our performance more scholarly and persuasive. To illustrate, an lawyer in formal suit would get more believable impresses from judge as his clients at the beginning meetings. Furthermore, to have the professional attitude perfectly, we should always maintain wearing administratively in the office environment all the time. For example, if someones would attend to get collaboration with our company and they would see that our staffs not in professional or formal clothing, then they might have a slight hesitation to make the investment.  
  
In conclusion, although dressing casual clothing could bring the relaxed feeling to employees, this convenience would lead to make the company less more specialized. In my opinion, demanding employees to wear professionally outweighs the opposite idea and i would defenitely advocate to maintain official appearing in the office environment.
@Raymond\_Tran  
Welcome to the forum! It's great to see you here, Dang. I will be providing you with feedback on this essay. Hopefully, this will help you.  
  
Firstly, the first paragraph immediately gives a glimpse of the tone that you are setting for the writing. This is excellent as it lets readers know how to navigate through your writing. You also were straightforward with what you were going to tackle in the text. Keep this up.  
  
What I do suggest, however, is trying to create more of an extensive analysis. While your writing was already fundamentally alright, certain parts of it could have been improved if you focused more on the overall context that you're working with. For example, in the second paragraph, try to be more elaborate with what you mean in the last two sentences. Being more critical will truly help you in the long-run.