dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
@smally01 Due to your inability to meet the minimum word requirement of 250 words for this direct question essay (you only wrote 244 words) there will be a deduction of points based upon the number of words required to meet the 250 minimum mark. Your sentences are all overly long (run-on) sentences which need to be separated not by commas but by periods as you have a tendency to string together various thoughts in one paragraph. Writing 3 sentences as a minimum allows you to better develop your explanation. Writing 5 sentences, as the maximum requirement per paragraph not only helps you achieve the minimum word count, but also offers you an opportunity to increase your C&C and GRA scores. Based on the way that this essay was written though, I do not believe that it can score higher than a 4 - 4.5 for several reasons:  
  
1. Your response to the question is not fully developed;  
2. Your ideas are not well supported in the essay due to the lack of explanation development;  
3. You have not attempted to present a progressive discussion because you are focusing only on the students of Hong Kong rather than delivering a generalized discussion. While discussing the children in Hong Kong is acceptable, you do not really connect your discussions with transition sentences to indicate a cohesive discussion / explanation as to why the situation occurs in Hong Kong families and society. The use of transition sentences will help you to connect the discussions in a smoother manner. Transition sentences help to create a more coherent discussion presentation of related topics and ideas.  
  
4. Your sentence development is limited to simple sentences even though there is evidence that you tried to create complex sentences. You need to work on developing your discussions and reasoning in this instance so that the paragraphs make more sense to the reader.  
  
The reason your score is very low is related to how you have limited your paragraph discussions. You need to expand the explanations and offer solid examples to support your claims. Also, this is a direct question essay so your response should be clearly indicated somewhere in the opening paraphrase. The usual spot for that presentation are the last 2 sentences or last sentence of the opening paraphrase presentation. In this instance, your direct response should have indicated a cause and a possible solution for expanded discussion in the body of paragraphs.
Dear everyone, I hope you guys can spend a little time reading and checking my IELTS writing task 1. Thank you very much.  
  
## birds species in the Woodchuck Country

  
  
**Topic:  
The chart below shows information about different species of birds observed in Woodchuck Country at different times of the year.  
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main information and making comparisons.**  
  
The supplied table provides data about eight different kinds of birds that are conducted by presences in Woodchuck Country during winter and summer season.  
  
As is observed, there are three species of birds in the partial list consist of cardinals, crows and woodpeckers which are not migratory birds. They inhabit in Woodchuck Country in both winter and summer whereas another types of birds are always movement during the year.  
  
It can be clearly seen that the observation finds some different points. The most form of bird migration such as bluebirds, mockingbirds, orioles and vireos regularly take place in the cold season. It is a reason they are just observed in the summer. Whilst, contrary to the species mentioned above, only one particular type of bird which is known as juncos migrate in the warm weather of summer times and then they choose the cold season to stay in Woodchuck Country.  
  
In general, despite the same species, birds have different migratory times during a year. Most of them prefer to migrate in the winter while only one of in total stayed in Woodchuck at the same season.  
  
*
... list ~~consist of cardinals, crows and woodpeckers which are not migratory birds.~~  
consisting of some non-migratory birds such as cardinals, crows and woodpeckers.  
  
... whereas ~~an~~other types of birds are always **moving regarding to different seasons**.  
  
There is a misunderstanding of you about the "X" on the partial list. I suppose "X" means a particular species can be observed in a particular season. In other words, birds stay at Woodchuck Country in the associated season, not migrate to another country.
Nice move placing your trending statement at the end of the essay. In this instance, it works as a sort of conclusion to your analysis of the chart. That is definitely something that the examiner will consider when scoring your essay. Since the trending statement can be placed anywhere in the presentation, your approach will be seen as fresh and unique since most students tend to place the trending statement as a part of the summary overview.  
  
Your summary overview needs to indicate a complete listing of the migratory birds being presented in the chart as part of the summary overview. You should also include a restatement of the discussion instructions as part of the summary so that the outline of the analysis presentation will be clear to the reader.  
  
There are some points where your sentences are not clear to the reader and it has to be read several times in order to give the reader time to fill in the sentence structure blanks. Some sample sentences that have this problem are:  
  
partial list consist of cardinals  
- CONSISTING of Cardinals...  
  
another types of birds  
- OTHER types of...  
  
only one particular type of bird ~~which is~~  
You may want to remember that nouns are normally capitalized because these indicate the proper names of persons, places, and things. Bird names fall under the noun category so the species names need to be capitalized throughout the essay.
## free access to the Internet?

  
  
**Topic: Some people believe today that everyone has a right to access to the Internet and that governments should provide this access for free. Other believe that access to the Internet is not a right and should be paid for like other services. Discuss both views and give your opinion**  
  
In these modern days, the importance of the Internet is undeniable. However, the right of people to get free access to the Internet is still a debatable issue. Some people believe that it is not a right to access the Internet and it should be paid like other services while others have opposite opinions to this. Both of these views have their own cons and pros.  
  
The Internet has become a necessary service in daily life. This platform contains a lot of useful information as well as benefits for people's works and businesses. Everybody can take these advantages from the Internet to create benefits for them and society. For that reason, having access to the Internet is needed for everyone . And in order to help the access to be as easy as possible, governments can provide it for free so that even a poor farmer has a chance to explore sites and maybe build his own business.  
  
On the other hand, people need Internet companies to manage and keep this huge network stable. Somebody has to pay these companies and it takes a lot of money. In addition, too many people getting access to the Internet may lead to a result that the Internet speed can be slow down, the system is overloaded and crashed. These problems if occur might make many tasks stagnant.  
  
In my point of view, I support the idea that free Internet is given to everyone and everybody can use it as a helpful tool as this brings more goods to people. The world's technology plus global's economy may be developed strongly thanks to this shift.
Khuyen, your essay is not framed in the proper discussion format because you forgot to properly paraphrase the given information. You specifically made a mistake in the discussion instruction presentation. Here is an outline of the error you made:  
  
*Instruction: Discuss both views and give your opinion  
Response: Both of these views have their own cons and pros.  
Additional Error: others have opposite opinions to this - What is the opposite opinion and will it be discussed in the response?*  
  
The discussion is not about pros and cons but rather whether or not the government should allow people to access the internet for free. You have a slight misunderstanding of the prompt which led to a small discussion alteration in your presentation. Try to stay on point by always reviewing the original instructions and comparing it to what you have written. If you create a simple outline before you start drafting the essay, you should be able to see whether or not your presentation will be aligned with the prompt expectations.
## number of goods transported in the united kingdom

  
  
The graph below shows the quantities of goods transported in the UK between 1974 and 2002 by four different modes of transport  
  
The line graph provides the breakdown of the figures of commodities which were transported by various vehicles in the UK over the period of 28 years, commencing from 1974. Generally speaking, it can be seen from the chart such modes as road and water were put on agenda, while individuals, showed less interest in others.  
  
To specify, as can be observed from the statistics, initially in 1974, more than 70 million tonnes of products were transported via road while water and rail shared the nearly same amount of goods, approximately 40 million tonnes. The least quantity of goods transported by pipeline started at a negligible point in the same year. The next 20 years were noticing fluctuation before experiencing a substantial increase, at roughly 90 million tonnes by road, then it reached the high at about 100 million tonnes. It is interesting to note that the same trend was true for both water and rail goods carrying. Water shipping had distributed about 62 million tonnes by 2002. Although the figure of goods carried through rail was falling significantly to 30 million tonnes from 1974 to 1994, it bouced back to approximately 42 million tonnes in 2002  
  
Finally, there was a substantial growth in the amount of goods transported by pipeline, between 1974 to 1994, to roughly 22 million tonnes, then this figure was levelling off from 1994 to 2002  
  
*
Nice essay!  
  
I've found a few points to be improved.  
  
while individuals~~,~~ showed  
  
Generally speaking, it can be seen from ...  
  
-> From this sentence, did you mean that road and water were important modes compared to others? I doubt that the expression 'be put on agenda' is proper in this context.  
  
... pipeline, between 1974 to ~~1994~~ 1990
Do, in order to get the highest scoring consideration for your analytical report in a Task 1 essay, you need to present 4 paragraphs composed of 3-5 sentences each. You currently have a second paragraph that fails in the formatting department and becomes very confusing to read because of the compressed information in the given paragraph. In addition to that, you created a secondary trending statement within that paragraph. There can only be one concise trending statement in the essay. It can be a part of any paragraph or a stand alone paragraph. The only limitation is that is has to be one paragraph.  
  
Your summary overview is incomplete and does not offer the appropriate summary information from the graph. It should have been written as:  
  
*An analysis of a line graph has been provided for this task. The graph measures the amount of goods transported in the UK covering the years of 1974 up to 2002. The measurements are given in the million tonnes. The transportation methods indicated are road, water, rail, and pipeline. This essay shall analyze the major graph points and compare certain points when required.*  
  
Your discussion for the water and rail presentations would have been better presented if you had combined its information presentation into one paragraph because of the intersecting measurement points. Those intersecting points are the "relevant comparisons" that could help to boost your score. While it is important to report on the obvious points, looking for small comparison points that could be overlooked in the first reading help to show that you have a clear analytical method of approaching report writing which can help to increase the TA consideration for your essay.  
  
This is a good effort at Task 1 writing. You have room to improve from hereon. I hope to see your improvements over the time you are participating at this forum.
## how robots can affect human lives?

  
  
**SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT ROBOTS ARE IMPORTANT FOR HUMANS TO DEVELOP THEIR FUTURE, WHILE OTHERS THINK THAT IT IS A DANGEROUS INVENTION THAT WILL IMPACT SOCIETY NEGATIVELY. DISCUSS BOTH SIDES AND GIVE YOUR OPINION.**  
  
There is an ongoing discussion about how robots can affect human lives. While some people think that robots are dangerous, few people support its purpose that can help humans in the near future. I, however, believe that these human-like machines can be harmful to the society.  
  
In this modern world, the invention of robots and its use are being popular. Some people believe that these battery-operated machines can develop the future of human beings. If engineers create more robots, these machines can help the workers by minimizing human work. As an example, some factories in Japan are now being labored by robots, because of their efficiency and calculated movements, the amount of job done is doubled compared to human labor.  
  
However, as the demand for robots rises, more and more people will lose their job. Companies replace human labor to machine labor which can impact negatively to the human race. Picturing the future, the machines built like human beings are going to invade the world. People will be jobless and social interaction will lessen because these robots are controlled by computers and have their own functions depending on how they are programmed.  
  
Therefore, I personally think that robots have negative influence to the society. These machines will not improve the future but rather take over the lives of human race. The society might think that robots can make people's lives easier, but in the long run, these will control people instead of the other way around.  
  
With this in mind, the society is still weighing the impact of the robots to human lives. The future holds the capacity and function of human beings compared to the computer-operated machines and its purpose to mankind. I still believe that as long as humans can manage and control the use of robots, it will help people rather than replace them.  
  
*I will appreciate any criticisms and grade you can give me.  
Thanks in advance.*
Jea, this is not a direct response essay so the personal opinion should be presented in the body of paragraphs. Not in the prompt restatement. I have often reminded you that unless you are dealing with a direct question essay, all the task 2 essays cannot accommodate a presentation of the opinion in the opening paraphrase. That is because the opening paraphrase is supposed to be used to showcase you ability to restate a given topic for discussion and the instructions for it. So you got the opening paraphrase partially correct. Please try to remember that simple rule about when a direct response is required and when it isn't required. More often than not, it isn't required in the opening paraphrase.  
  
To say "I personally think" is a redundancy. "I" already refers to yourself. "Personally" also means "I". So in this sentence you are saying "I and I think" rather than " I think" which is a direct reference to a personal opinion.  
  
Your concluding paragraph has new information presented in it which altered the concluding summary that should have been presented. It was not necessary to say  
  
the society is still weighing the impact of the robots to human lives.  
That is a new topic for discussion which you did not have the opportunity to build upon and explain. Omitting that would have presented a proper discussion summary and concluding sentence instead. The last 2 sentences could have been separated into 3 sentences and used to present an acceptable summary conclusion.
## Fitness in Australia

  
  
A glance at the bar chart provided reveals the proportion of people in Australia which had a physical exercise in 2010 with six various ages group and it was compared by gender.  
  
Overall, it can be seen that exercise for females was considerably more common in most of the categories, except the first group which the percentage of men was higher than women, although in the old ages both of gender were approximately identic.  
  
In 2010, teenagers had the highest percentages for men with 52.8%, whereas, with going up ages these activities had significantly decreased. the second ages group was 25 to 34 years old that the percentages of exercise for men were a mere 42.2 and in the next category, this amount had fallen by approximately 3% from 42.2 to 39.5. although, the middle age (45-54) had risen to reach 43.1 and this trend had continued to reach 46.7 for the last category (65 and over)  
  
in 2010, physical activities for women in Australia had steadily increased. in the first category the female had just 47.7 and in three next categories, they had impressively soared to reach 53.3% that was the highest percentages for females, whereas, in two next ages group this trend had steadily fallen to reach 47.1 in the last category.
**The development of tourism contributed to English becoming the most prominent language in the world. Some people think this will lead to English becoming the only language to be spoken globally. what are the advantages and disadvantages to having one language in the world**  
  
The increasing of tourism recently gave impact to people to use English more frequently over others languages in the world. People said that it can make English become the only language which people use to communicate internationally. This essay will discuss about benefits and drawbacks if it happens.  
  
On the one hand, being easily connected all over the word is one of benefits if English was mother of tongue for everyone. If vigorous communication was built, diplomacy amongst countries, especially for two-conflict-countries, will result a win-win solution. Furthermore, this condition make peace happened and solve a lot of world problems such as hunger, poverty, equality and many more.  
  
On the other hand, there are some problems will appear. People who understand English do not need read subtitle when they watch movie, and they will read international book version more often. it means translator job is not necessary anymore, and companies are beginning to retire their employees, which lead unemployed rate rise. this phenomenon has domino effect, which can give negative impact to others life aspects. for instance, when the quantity of jobless increase, the crime rate will rise as well.  
  
to sum up, there are both positive and negative side, when English become one language people spoken globally. The benefits is no more language barrier and The drawbacks is interpreters will loss their job.
Dimas, I know what it is that you are trying to say in this essay. Unfortunately, you did not do a very good job of developing your English sentences for the presentation. There are some sentences which left me confused and stressed as I had to repeatedly read the passage in order to guess what you are trying to say. This is particularly evident in the following quote:  
  
being easily connected all over the word is one of benefits if English was mother of tongue for everyone.  
- I think what you were trying to say was "world" instead of "word" and you failed to use the connecting phrase "is the" when you referred to the mother tongue. The correct presentation for that is "English is the mother tongue..."  
  
Then, in the third paragraph, you make reference to the translator job but you do not fully explain that it is only the translator job that you are referring to when you discuss unemployment. There is also no proper reference as to why the use of the English language will result in a crime rate increase.  
  
Do not try to over-discuss the issue. Use only one topic per paragraph so you can focus on the clarity of your explanation. The reviewer doesn't need to read plenty of reasons. He only needs to know that you can use one reason and explain it well enough for a native English speaker to understand.  
  
You have the potential to do well in this test. You just need to focus more on the quality of your presentation rather than the number of information you are presenting as content.
Hi everybody, I hope you guys can spend a little time to help me check and grade my Ielts writing task 2. Thanks a bunch !  
Ex : Men and women are having children late in life. what are the reason for this development? What are the effects on society and family life?  
  
## Parent's Age Effect on Child

  
  
In the modern life, there is a popular claim that many people currently decide to give birth to the children when they are young, until they get older instead. I believe this idea makes sense, therefore I would like to express my opinions about the reasons for this tendency and it's impacts on both individuals and society.  
  
Let me begin by pointing out several reasons why a number of individuals want to have children later in their life. Firstly, when they are still young, they do not have enough mature to act as role models for their children. They frequently have more interested in enjoying their eagerness such as travelling or playing games than tending children. Secondly, people who are at the early stage of their career customarily have lower income than theirs when they are older. Therefore, they get involved in stabilizing their job and accumulating enough money to ensure a better life for their children. For instance, many couples endeavor to achieve a high position in prestigious companies before tying themselves to the responsibilities as full-time mothers or fathers.  
  
We also cannot deny the fact that this development brings both negative and positive impacts on society as well as family life. About pessimistic effects, having children later would make a significant age gap between two generations. This leads to a reality that it is tough for the parents to understand their offspring' s pattern of behavior and communicate with them. Furthermore, the children physical health may be badly affected if the parents are too old. Granted, both the children and society could benefit from this tendency. To Illustrate, the children could definitely enhance their inner talents and abilities without any sufferings resulted from malnutrition or money insufficiency.  
  
To conclude, there are some reasons why many people prefer to have children later in their life and this tendency could have a number of impacts, both positive and negative.