dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
This summary is extracted from an article published on readitenglish.com/read/rcXgoi# . Its original title is Grow it yourself : Aquaponics  
  
A brand new method in farming field is appeared to be true, Aquaponics. It is one way to farm plants by combining aquaculture and hydroponics system. Hence, the waste water from fish farming is utilized to grow organic foods owing to the fact that the required chemical fertilizer is found on the fish waste. It is needless to say that by using this kind of approach, everyone who settle in a poor soil can do farming as well since the plants only need one out of ten amount of water of what ordinary plants need. This methodology is overwhelmingly natural as no pesticide is involved. Then the other merits goes to the reduction of climate change, groundwater pollution and overfishing.  
  
Aquaponics is completely easy to be done due to gardeners only need to feed their plants once a day without need to think about watering time. For all people who are interested in applying it can go to visit the inventor's, Ms. Bernstein's, video on her Youtube channel, or read her published book.
Hi Mujaddidah,  
Here's my analysis towards your article summary. Hope this helps :)  
  
- A brand new method in ~~farming field~~agriculture , Aquaponics, is appeared to be true, ~~Aquaponics.~~  
- It is one of the ways to ~~farm~~cultivate plants/crops by combining...  
- ~~It is~~Needless to say,~~that~~ by using this kind of approach...  
- This methodology is ~~overwhelmingly~~(inappropriate collocation)completely natural as...  
- Then, (comma needed) the other merits ~~goes~~go to the reduction of climate change, groundwater pollution and over-fishing.  
- Aquaponics is ~~completely~~ (inappropriate collocation) extremely, really, very | enough, fairly, quite, rather, relatively | incredibly, ridiculously, surprisingly easy to be done... (those are the list of adverbs that can be collocated with the word "easy")  
  
As you can see, some collocation problems are mentioned clearly. You need to pay attention to them in order to make your writing skill better.
**Hello, everyone! I'm new here and this my IELTS writing. The question is: I don't know which level is mine. Can someone tell me which grade this writing will get? I'd appreciate any feedback.**  
  
Research is the fundamental building block for/of science, it is based on a lot of experiments, but some people think that some experiments using animals are very cruel and inhumane, and there is no justification for treating the animals this way. However, it is generally believed that doing the experiments can provide precious information and knowledge about biology, and the progress of science would/might be slower without experiments on live animals.  
  
There are groups of people who believe using animals in experiments greatly increases the quality of experiments. For example, it is impossible to use the living human body in the experiments in the first round, because of unknown risks, so alternatively we use living animals. Furthermore, if humans hadn't sacrificed some animals for scientific research, human society would hardly have reached its existing height.  
  
On the other hand, many people consider animal experiments to be extremely cruelty things, just liking people used to torture criminals, it is wrong and should be banned. In their opinions, animals are like human, so they have the same right as the human. And if there is no one to stand up and fight for the rights of animals for which are no ability to voice, then animals will not be treated fairly. That's why the Animal Protection Association(APA) always protest on streets.  
  
From above, although animal experiments are ruthless and bloody in some ways, it is necessary but it is still the necessary evil. There is no development without sacrifice: rapid industrialization scarifies nature environment, highly urbanization scarifies air quality. In my opinion, humanity should keep doing animal experiments but need to distinguish between the slaughter and the real experiments, decreasing the unnecessary death.
Hi Chen,  
I can see that you have gotten a comprehensive feedback from one of the members in EF. I am sure that the feedback will be helpful towards you future practices later on. However, I would like to add some other suggestions in order to strengthen your writing skill.  
  
First of all, I think that it is better for you to separate each paragraph by giving at least a single space between paragraphs. This might also ease the reader or examiner to assess your writing. Remember, using sufficient paragraphs development is essential to improve your score.  
  
Then, avoid writing contractions like "hadn't and that's why", instead you can just write it in full form. Writing like this would make the essay become less-formal. In addition, try not to put For, And, Nor, But, Or, Yet, So in the beginning of the paragraph. It will also one of the causes that can reduce the quality of the essay or the score itself. Those are categorized as connectors and not cohesive devices.
**Am I Really A Visual Learner?**  
  
Most of people consider that they are visual learners. However, others argue that basically people have no specific way to make more understand what they learn. To tell the truth, Alexandra Panzer, a lesson creator in Science-Show, presents that there is really no way to categorize different types of students. This is because when experts conducted research, they just wanted to figure out how well students learn because of their inherent traits. In addition, only one study mentioned that students have a unique style each, yet there was no strong evidence to prove their hypothesis because majority of participants did not seem to have any clear learning style according to the survey at the beginning. Also, this research did not publish the result of test. Moreover, people can use all of media to encourage their understanding depending on what they study. In conclusion, this lesson is more likely to against the general notion about categorizing learning styles each learner.(159 words)
Allan Adams is a MIT associate professor who focus on Theoretical Physics. In his presentation in March 2014, he said that if we look at the night sky we will see stars, but if we look further and further we see nothing. In that nothingness is the afterglow of the Big Bang. Researchers mapped the afterglow with spectacular precision and found that it is almost completely uniform at 2.7 degrees and has started to cool slightly. These discontinuities are formed by quantum mechanics 'wiggle' in that early universe that have been stretched across the size of the entire cosmos. Before the Big Bang, the universe was extremely dense like a metal bell and then the form of the universe could be rung by quantum mechanics then which produce gravitational waves. Like a sound of ringing bell, these gravitational waves have faded nowadays. The predominant key was that in the first fractions of a second, the universe was expanding faster than the speed of light. Gravitational waves were a pivotal feature of bubble analogy model, but it could never be identified until recently.
**Hi Nurul.  
these are my thoughts to finalize your summary**  
  
Allan Adams is a MIT'S associate professor ~~who~~ focusING on Theoretical Physics.  
... at the night sky,*(Do not forget putting a comma bacause although it is a small thing, it is essential in the grammar)* we will see stars, (...) and further we ARE GOING TO see nothing. ~~In~~ that nothingness is the ...  
  
IN THE SAME SIDE, Researchers mapped the afterglow ...  
... 'wiggle' in that early universe ~~that~~ WHICH have been stretched ...  
... the form of the universe WHICH could be rung by quantum mechanics ~~then which~~ AND THEN produce gravitational waves.  
THE Gravitational waves were (...) be identified until recently CAN HAVE BEEN IDENTIFIED.  
  
**Note: Please, harness tenses and linking words appropriately. You need improving your flow.**
Julio Lycott-Haims explains regarding the successful style to raise kids. There are plenty of ways that can help them to deal with the situation for future. Initially, it is extremely crucial to ensure that they consume the nourishing foods. It is followed by making sure that they get best education. By the time, it is suggested that parent are not only concentration on boosting their children to get higher scores/ grades but also encouraging them to take the leadership and the charities into consideration. In most cases, we easily find that parents have their own list how to manage their kids with several of activities. While this idea is utterly acceptable, she emphasizes that it is important to bring the spirit to take another chance. For example, parents can courage them to build such communities rather than join a club since a third level education want to see about this skill. It is necessary to strengthen them through chores and support them in having better personality.
**Hi Miss Imanina..  
These are my thoughts towards your summary.**  
  
IN VIDEO OF TED, Julio Lycott-Haims ~~explains regarding~~ EXPLAINED ABOUT the successful ...  
... with the situation ~~for~~ IN THE future.  
... sure that they get THE best education.  
... suggested that parentS ~~are~~ DO not only ~~concentration~~ CONCENTRATE on boosting their ...  
In most cases, ~~we easily find that~~ AS FAR AS WE KNOW THAT parents have their own...  
... is utterly acceptable, she ~~emphasizes~~ EMPHASIZED that it is important to ...  
For example, THE parents can courage them to build A POSITIVE THING such communities ...  
... support them in having THE better personality.  
**Note: Pay attention to use of tenses**
In this day and age, parents should take children's healthy lifestyle into consideration. This is by far followed by nourishing them with a nourish diet. In this article, giving juice is not quite good beverage for maintaining them health. Thet should also consider about ingredients of the juice. To make such juice, pasteurization is needed for abolishing all bacteria. This way can also kill a vast range of vitamins and minerals. Therefore, it is suggested that youngsters eating fruit and drink water. Subsquently, many brands of juice have plenty of artificial sweeteners. Unfortunately, it brings several dire effects for children. They can get dental caries in the long run due to the consumption of juice. Consuming juice can have obese problem. The reason why is that its juice can increase blood sugar and blood pressure levels. It can then inflame the arteries and plenty of inflammation in the body. By the time, parents should opt 100 percent juice since it can rich in vitamins and antioxidants for leading a healthy life.
The community can come from villages or cities. The range of community can be determined on their environment. For the example is small community which has advantage and negative impact for their area.  
  
Firstly, the advantage of small community is everyone who know everyone else. It can build some spirit to help other people solving many problems, such as building project on school, mosque, or irrigation systems. Secondly, the other advantage is giving fast respon to other people when there are many problems in community.  
  
Different to advantage aspect, the small community also has negative impact or disadvantage. It can be looking for information receiving for the example. In technology and information era, we cant't leave any information because the information had been main necessary in our life. We can update always about what happen today in our place or another place with another culture too. The information can be gotten from our community. If the range of community is small so our information that we got less information too. Finally we cant't increase our knowledge else. The feature of information can be come from large community than small community, because it has many information to sharing on another person in this community.  
  
In the conclusion is the small community can give positive and negative influence to our self. The choice based on our self to join in small community or not, because it can be determine the future life too.
Hello, below are some my comments. :))  
1. ...... advantage and negative impact for their area -> In my opinion, using positive and negative is better.  
2. .....help other people solving many problems -> help so do/ to do sth  
3. ....the other advantageis giving fast respon -> is **to** giving  
4. Different to advantage aspect -> in contrast  
5. We can always update about what happens today  
6. ... it has many information to share on  
7. In the conclusion ~~is~~the small community.....  
8. The choice based on our self (...) it can be determined the future life too.
Hi Yuri, I believe this is the first time that I'll be reviewing your essay and this is your first here on Essay Forum too,I would like to WELCOME you to the Essay Forum team, here, we strive to provide you with the most accurate feedback and even more useful suggestions that will enhance your article and any writing project for that matter.  
  
Having said that, please find a few suggestions for your essay.  
  
- ~~The~~A community can come ...  
- The range of community can be determined based on their environment.  
- ~~For the~~An example is a small community  
- ~~which has~~that can either have an advantage  
- and ~~negative impact for their~~disadvantage in the area.  
  
- First~~ly~~ , the advantage of a small community  
- is that everyone ~~who~~ knows everyone else.  
- other people ~~solving~~solve many problems,  
- ~~Secondly~~Next , the other advantage is  
- ~~giving~~providing fast response to  
- other people when there are ~~many~~ problems in the community.  
  
There you have it Yuri, as you can see, your essay can definitely be enhanced and I hope you follow through with the revision. I left a few more sentences for you to try your skills in editing or what they call proof reading, believe me, this will help you see your writing in a totally different level.Keep writing!
hi yurikeyuri these are my thought towards your essay  
  
firstly, please give a space between the paragraph.  
  
... can be determined ~~on~~by their environment.  
... small community is everyone ~~who~~ know everyone else.  
... to help other people ~~solving~~to solve many problems  
... the small community also has **negative impact** or **disadvantage**.  
[just write one, it would be better as it has same meaning ]  
...It can be ~~looking~~looked for information ...  
[this sentence idea is difficult to understand]  
...we ~~cant't~~CANNOT leave any information  
...We can ~~update always~~always update about what happen ~~today~~nowadays in our place or ~~another~~other places with ~~another~~other cultures too.  
...Finally we ~~cant't~~CANNOT increase our knowledge else.  
...because it has ~~many~~MUCH**information** to ~~sharing~~share~~on~~with~~another~~other person in this community  
...In the conclusion ~~is~~, the small community ...  
  
thanks, keep writing and good luck
... to help other people FOR solving many problems...  
Secondly, the other ~~advantage~~benefit is giving fast respon ...  
~~Different to advantage aspect,~~Apart from several merit effects, the small (...) impact ~~or disadvantage.~~ It can be ~~looking~~looked for information receiving for the example. ~~In technology and information era,~~In this modern era we ~~cant't~~can not leave any information ~~because~~ since the information had been the main necessary in our life.  
  
Therefore, If the range of community is small ...  
Finally we ~~cant't~~can not increase our knowledge else.  
... information can be ~~come~~ came from large community (...) it has ~~many~~much information to ...  
~~In the conclusion~~As a result, it is the small community ...  
... small community or not, ~~because~~as it can be determined the future life too.  
  
Hi Yurike,  
1. please consider your active and passive sentence  
2. just try to replace because with another word : As, since or just try to make with another form (due to, because of)...  
3. It should be good to write can not insted of can't since you learn to write academic writing
A breakdown of the percentage of elderly people in three selected countries (the USA, Sweden, and Japan) in the a century period started in 1940 is given in the line chart and measured in percentage. Overall, it is really crucial to notice that three countries have similar pattern and expected increase with similar pattern in the future. Also, although Japan has been the lowest for decades, the percentage of elderly people will be the highest in the last decade.  
  
From 1940 to 1980, both the percentage American and Sweden in the age group of 65s went up significantly at 15 and 14 percent respectively, whereas a plenty of Japanese in the same age group saw a slight decrease below 5 percent. In 2000s, there is predicted that the proportion of aging people in Sweden has overtaken the highest one up to 20 percent.  
  
Turning to the next decades, Sweden and the USA proportion will experience a dramatic rise, while the percentage of Japanese population will go up sharply by 15 percent and overtake the highest figure at over 25 percent.  
  
**(180 words)**  
  
*   
*elderly people*
Hi there.. Your writing is great but there are some correction that I think will make it better. :)  
  
In my opinion, you should make a clear line about past, present and future time. You should draw a line where the present time is, so you know the right tenses to use.  
  
In 2000s, there is predicted that the proportion ...  
  
I think its better to mention which decades you are referring to..  
Turning to the next decades , Sweden and the USA  
  
Thanks.
Hi Ibe, Here is some suggestions for you  
  
... (the USA, Sweden, and Japan) in the a**(too much articles)** century ~~period~~ started in 1940, measured in percentage is given in the line chart and ~~measured in percentage~~ .  
  
... crucial to notice that ~~three countrie~~all figures s ~~have~~had similar pattern and expected an increase with ...  
  
... slight decrease below ~~5~~five percent. **(you should write down in words when the number is twelve and below**  
In 2000s, there is ~~predicted~~a prediction that the proportion of aging ...  
  
Best Regards.
The table shows the percentage and the average age of travellers which is based on the kind of vehicle. Meanwhile, the various forms of transport are CO2 emissions source which is explained in the bar chart. Overall, the car is the most popular transport is used and also result many CO2 emission in the environment  
  
People who use public transport or share car travel for the work. The most commonly used transport by car. By comparison, the cycling or walking is the least common of the vehicle which is used. The group of travellers have the highest average age which used by train or bus, and the cyclists are the lowest average age group of travellers.  
  
CO2 emission comes from various forms of transport. The cycling or walking cause little or no pollution and the car with no passenger causes the most pollution in the environment.
Hi Yurike,  
  
What kind of "table" that you are talking about here? I couldn't see them. Please pay more attention to upload the picture whenever it is necessary, especially when it is related to IELTS task 1. However, I hope the detailed descriptions below would help you composing a better essay later on.  
  
1st paragraph:  
- ... which is based on the ~~kind of~~ vehicle types .  
- Meanwhile, ~~the various forms of transport are CO2 emissions ...~~(confusing sentence, simplify it)kind of transports that use CO2 emissions are explained in the bar chart.  
  
- Overall, it can be seen that~~the~~ car is the most popular transport that is used and also resulted many CO2 emissions~~in the~~for the environment. (needs "period")  
  
"Period" might look simple, but remember that punctuation is one of the criteria of assessing writing in IELTS. Also, I would also like to remind you that a task 1 essay that is below 150 words cannot go beyond 5, even worse, it can be graded as 3 or 4. Try to avoid writing below 150 words later on. :)
Aloha, here is my thought;  
  
(1) [...] the average age of travellers ~~which is~~ based on the ~~kind of~~ vehicle modes .  
(2) Meanwhile, the various forms of transport are CO2 ~~emissions source~~emission source~~which is~~(reducing adjective clause) explained in the bar chart.  
(3) [...] popular transport ~~is~~(you have more verb, so be careful about subject verb agreement) used [...]  
(4) ~~People who use public transport or share car travel for the work.  
The most commonly used transport by car.~~(use linking words to connect these sentences)  
  
overall, I suggest that you should more practice to use more words and various vocabulary
HB is a fifty-eight years old paralyzed woman and wishes to remain anonymous. In 2008, she diagnosed with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS). The disease ravages nerve cells, leaving people unable to control their bodies. The teams around the world have been working to develop devices that are controlled directly by the brain to help people like HB. This devices work by analyzing and reading brain activity and translating it into a signal that can control a computer. However, they found it has been difficult to make this devices fit into patient's daily lives. This devices use electrodes which is placed on the surface of the brain underneath the skull. When brain activity is recorded by the electrode, a signal is fed through the wire to a tiny device like pacemaker. This then wirelessly sends a signal to computer tablet which has been installed by software that can allow tablet to be used in various activities such as communicate. HB volunteered to have the system implanted. The teams implanted the system, and after multiple training sessions, HB was able to generate signal and started to communicate gradually. The teams now have improved the tablet's software and hope to trial the system in other individuals.
Nurul, I have read through your essay and I must admit that this is a good example of a summary! There are several points why I like the above summary as I explained as follows.  
  
First, there is no gap from one sentence to each other which indicate that the ideas are flowing nicely. You know how to restate ideas based on the video you have watched and arranged it structurally. Remember only choose the main points rather than put several details in writing a summary (because this is not paraphrasing; sometimes people are confused with these terms). Second, you demonstrate that you have sufficient vocabularies. No words are being overly used and the use of diction sounds natural as well.  
  
Still, I am a little bit confused with this sentence:  
- *The teams around the world have been working to ...*  
The word "The teams" in this sentence refers to who? It is better to state it in detail first.  
  
I hope you will gain valuable information from reading the above notes. I am looking forward to read your next writing. Best regards.
Aloha Nurul, here is my thought;  
  
(1) HB is ~~a~~(do not use article if you want to mention someone's age) fifty-eight years old [...]  
(2) In 2008, she diagnosed with **amyotrophic lateral sclerosis**(use capital letter for the first word to mention a name) (ALS).  
(3) ~~The disease ravages nerve cells, leaving people unable to control their bodies.~~(I do not find a matching from the earlier sentence, so utilize a linking word to connect this)  
  
(4) ~~The teams around the world have been working~~the experts begin to develop devices [...]  
(5) ~~This devices work by analyzing and reading~~the devices analyze brain activity [...]  
  
I hope it can be helpful