dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Analysis of the petrol expenditures

  
  
The line graph shows that plenty of drivers spend petrol in the United Kingdom and the united states. Overall, it can be seen that people more spend petrol in the richest in the United Kingdom than the United States.  
  
Turning to a more detailed analysis in the United Kingdom, the drivers who spend petrol start from 0% in the poorest afterwards it is a rapid increase until in the middle-income and reach almost 4% of income. However, the percentage of the United Kingdom is under than United States of America but the income is increased and overtook the US' position at 4%. At the end of richest, the drivers who spend petrol in the United Kingdom fall slowly below 4% but it is still become the highest percentage.  
  
Turning to another comparison, people spend petrol in the United states to become the biggest starting at 3.9% and it is a marked growth and almost reach a peak at 5.2% of income. Interestingly, the highest percentage of the United States the poorest because that scale fall down rapidly in the middle-income. Then, there is a decreased trend again in the richest even the proportion of drivers' petrol is below than the United Kingdom's rate at 2.3%.  
  
*
About you first sentence - you should always paraphrase the question. Do not give any addition information, neither any explanations - just rewrite the question.  
  
Also, your overview is not good enough. There, you should summarize the main points or changes.  
  
I will give you an example.  
  
"The first graph increased gradually till 2011, before experiencing a dramatic decrease. In contrast, the second graph had been decreasing for the first 2 years, and then a significant increase was observed."  
  
I am not describing a certain graph and it is just an example, but you have to give additional information to the examiner
## Education and Crime

  
  
Crimes Is a serious issue that the people suffer from . Many of harshness and brutality dominated the life of these criminals. It has a lot of effects like the fear and anxiety. Therefore, The Main reasons of that problem are The Lack of education, religion and drugs.  
  
First of all, in the developing countries and the countries with political problems, the people suffer a lot from those criminals who don't care about the human being. However, They Care about their personal reasons .Similarly, the lack of education is the main cause of the problem because the statistics said that a huge number of the criminals don't have a good education, and they don't complete their studies. Consequently, the education is very important for any person and country.  
  
Secondly, Palestine, Syria and many countries in Africa and Asia suffered a lot from the crime. Throughout the History, religion plays a big role in all the wars that happened in the world. Whatever, those criminals wear the mask of religion to kill people and said that the religion did. As a result, the religion is innocent from them and it came to help us not to destroy it.  
  
Thirdly, the most common cause of crimes is drugs. Indeed, it is a big problem that needs to resolve soon. When the criminal needs some drugs, he will search for it for any price .Therefore, he search for money by violence and hardness .As a result, drugs plays a big role in the world of crime.  
  
Finally, education, religion and drugs are the main causes of crime. In addition, if the country interested about the people, it will give them a good education. Consequently, they will organize their religion , and stay away from the drugs.. Many of harshness and brutality dominated the life of these criminals. It has a lot of effects like the fear and anxiety. Therefore, The Main reasons of that problem are The Lack of education, religion and drugs.
Hello Abderrahime,  
[Crimes Is a serious issue that the people suffer froms.] The second part of the sentence is not complete.Crime is a serious issue.People have been suffering from it.  
  
Try to avoid the words like, a lot, big , whatever. they weaken the idea. use particular words for expression.  
Try to use other synonyms of people.aviod repeating the same word.  
the people suffer a lot from those criminals who don't care about the human being. However, They Care about their personal reasons (State this point through an example.It is unclear)  
  
There are some issues on grammar. You need to work on sentence structure such as  
Whatever, those criminals wear the mask of religion to kill people and said that the religion did.(Those criminals killed the people and blamed the religion.)  
  
Make a possible to use one tense throughout the essay.It is helpful for the flows.
**it is generally believed that the internet is an excellent means of communication but some people suggest that if it may not be the best place to find informaton**  
  
## common beliefs on the internet usefulness

  
  
Everyone has different views to mean the function of internet. Many people believe that internet is very useful for all of people to communication but others claim that internet is not the best way to look for information. This essay would explain about both these views and give my best opinion.  
  
It is common for many people that internet is the best place for communication. There are several internet users using it owing to many function. Firstly, internet is media to keep a good relationship between people especially their parents. It is enjoyed for them which are so far away from their relatives. Then internet is a place which give condition about ourselves more information. However, others suggest that it is not be the best place to gain detail information because nowadays internet gives negative things for people in particular the children. when children look for information about their subjects from school but internet shows the secret video. As a result, children which have been looked at the secret video tend to watch again.  
  
I truly believe that internet is not become the best way to search more information because we can gain it from other place as older people who obtain information with directly face the condition. They tend to go surrounding in their community. From it, they get important thing who they need without using the internet.  
  
It is generally when people have different opinions about internet but I absolutely against argue regarding internet is an excellent means of communication with many people.
First, think that I noticed is how different your 2 and 3 paragraphs are. Your second paragraph is probably twice as big compared to your 3-rd - which is a major mistake.  
  
Other than that, you have written a lot of very simple sentences. Try to combine your ideas into 1 complex sentence. Moreover, stick to using only 3 to 4 sentences for each paragraph.  
  
Everyone has different views to mean the function of Internet. -- I think that this sentence is not relevant to the topic and you should remove it - You should start writing straight forward to the given topic.  
  
Also, on several places, you forgot to add the definite article - the internet!!!  
  
There are several grammar mistakes, that you have made and I am just going to review some of them and leave the rest to you.  
  
many function - many functions  
  
Then internet is a place which give - the internet is a place which gives  
  
other place - another place  
  
ith directly face the condition. - facing  
  
truly believe that internet is not become - THE INTERNET hasn't become
Hi Ichaa,  
Your essay is okay, but I don't think it addresses the prompt strongly. In the second paragraph,where you say 'Firstly, internet is media to keep a good relationship between people especially their parents.' you state a benefit of the internet but you unconsciously contradict your notion. Remember, your essay should explicitly show why you think the internet is negative.  
  
Furthermore, your essay contains various grammatical errors. One such error is the use of the word 'internet' instead of 'the internet.' Remember that there is only one internet which is why you should say '**the** internet' You can eliminate most grammatical errors by typing into a word processor before you upload.  
  
You can modify the second sentence of the entire essay to read 'Many people believe that the internet is very useful for communication but I disagree' Remember that you are meant to have a stand, not support both views.
## A trend of spending on fuel in two major countries

  
  
The line graph illustrates the proportion of petrol expenditures by drivers in both United States of America and United Kingdom. Overall, it can be seen that both countries spending theirs income in petrol under 4%.  
  
Looking to the details, in the poorest, United State of America was the higher expenses on petrol stood at 3,9% then increased significantly to over 5%. Followed by United Kingdom with simillar trending.  
  
There was a slow decrease in United States of America expense on petrol to 2,5% which was making to the lowest under united kingdom in richest position. However, United Kingdom saw gradual increase at 4% then decreased slowly to 3,5 which was making both countries just under 4% in expense of petrol from their income.  
  
*
@septaafrian0554  
  
Hello Septa, I would like to give you some of the suggestions to improve your essay  
First, please refer what countries do you compares, AS or US? pay more attention on grammatical error and your amount of words in this task.  
  
Second, in my perspective, the overview didn't correct to explain your graph. You should just impress it with -> Overall, it can be seen that the middle income people in US and UK have equal expense on Petrol.  
  
Moving to your main body paragraph, you should pay more attention the type of the graph itself. The graph didn't use the language of change, just the comparison of two states in 3 categories.
## People's Opinion`s on the Internet Usage

  
  
In globalisation, become the greatest communication services nowday, but there was a debate between people who have good point of view in internet for to find information and people who have not the same point of view.  
  
Personally, i am agree to say that internet its benefit communication services, because using of internet can make a relationship to another people not only in real life but also in virtual life. For example, in my experienced using the internet, i can found a new friend in other region or country without have to go there just using the internet is easy to do that. And then, speed distribution of communication by using the internet can safe out time such as to send an email or to get a new information. There are many benefits using the internet.  
  
In contrast, some people looking for a negative impact by using internet because using of internet can reduced direct communication to other people and then not only just internet one of the best place to find information such as newspaper or book. So, i think it is depend on us in using the internet
Hi, Mr. septa!  
actually I appropriate the meaning of your essay, but unfortunately you haven't done your essay 250 words  
then I have a few suggestions, let's check it  
  
become**Becoming** the greatest communication services nowA dayS , but there (...) in internet for ~~to find~~ ( **mr. you have to notice that FOR + Ving )** information and people ...  
  
i am ( agree is verb) agree to say that internet itsIS benefit communication services, because using of (...) people **not only** in real life **but also** in virtual life. ( Not only S + V , but also S + V)  
  
There are many benefits using the internet. (i think you have to explain the detail benefts)
## internet in today's world

  
  
Today, the internet is a decisive technology in the Information Age. Some people believe that the internet the best medium of communication while the others argue that it is not be the reliable tools to search information. This essay discusses both views and gives my own opinion.  
  
The internet compresses time and space. People around the world connected, albeit there is high inequality level of bandwitch, speed, price, and efficiency. With the explosion of wireless communication technology, user of internet can send or receive document without deliver hardcopy. In addition, the use of internet increases sociability, civic engagement and intimates family and friend relationship. Neither alienate people from society neither reduce sociability, the social network as one of feature in internet connected people arround the world. Everyone join a new community. Then, a member of family can communicate interactively with his siblings who lives far away.  
  
On the other hand, some people argue that the internet may not be the best tools to look for information. The internet allows everyone to publishes or writes everything. So, information that is taken from cyberspace is not reliable. Although the internet offers easy access and instance information. It does not means that the validity and reliability of data and information is guarranted. It is because sometimes some websites provides fake information or inaccurate statistics.  
  
I argue that we have to use the social media wisely. The increasing use of social media is not always lead to withdrawal from community and family relationship. We also critically select and check the information that we take from internet. We should examine the validity and reliability of information in websites in cyberspace.  
  
In conclusion, the internet is very useful for communication medium specially the use of social media. Meanwhile we should critically use internet for finding information.
## USA & UK - petrol expenditure comparison

  
  
The line graph depicts the proportion of petrol expenditure both the United States and the United Kingdom. Overall, it can be seen that the poorest people in America spent their money for the highest proportion on petrol, while the poorest community in British use the lowest percentage on that fuel of their income.  
  
Looking at the details, the spending proportion of the poorest in USA is 3.9% to 5.2%. Following that, the middle-income expense capital on petrol from a twentith to just under a twenty fifth which is similar proportion of middle-income expenditure on British. Next, 4% to 2.5% are the lowest level being reached by richest people in USA.  
  
In United Kingdom, the lowest income people spent the smallest proportion of income on petrol at 0.5% to 2.5%. Interestingly, middle-income and richest community in UK allocate their capital nearly similiar around 3% to 4%.
Hello Mr.Baso..  
Your writing so amazing...  
  
unfortunately, your writing less than 150 words, because writing task 1 must contain 150 words  
there are some suggestions based on your writing  
  
... the lowest percentage ~~on that fuel of their income~~of their income on petrol .  
  
In United Kingdom, ~~the lowest income people~~people with the lowest income spent the smallest proportion of (their) income on ...  
... allocate their capital (budget) nearly ~~similiar~~similar around 3% to 4%.
## Expenditures in Japan and Malaysia

  
  
The pie chart compares the proportion of household spending in Japan and Malaysia during 2010. Overall, it can be seen that the smallest percentage of both countries in the health care.  
  
Looking at the figure, the most popular expenditure in Malaysia was housing, witnessing nearly more than a third of all spending, but it was the third popular in Japan at 21%. At 26%, other goods and services was the third position of spending in Malaysia, while it was most popular in Japan at less than a third. Interestingly, both of two countries occupied the second position of spending on food at the period given.  
  
In the remaining figure, household spending on transport in Malaysia and Japan was in the fourth proportion rate, but a domination was shown by Japan with more than double. Again, this also occurs in health care category with both of two countries was the last rate, but Malaysia spending a half lower than Japanese did.  
  
*
Firstly, there are 2 bar charts, so you have a mistake in your first sentence -  
  
The pie chart compares the proportion of ... --- The pie charts compare the proportions of the ....  
  
I don't like your overview - It's always better your overview to be a complex stentence - You have not written enough inforamtion. I will give you an example : "Overall, in Malaysia the average family spends most of their money on housing, whereas in Japan the greatest expenditure is for different services and goods than the presented one's. The smallest proportion in both countries during 2010 was the health care. "  
  
most popular expenditure - You could say so, but I would rather replace the word "popular".  
  
It's noticeable, that you have used the word "popular" - 3 tymes. Try to use different words, in order to not sound repeatable.  
  
was the third postion - was the third most common/ had the third biggest proportion.
household spending  
Alright Fiza, I would give you a brief suggestions regarding to your fabulous essay.  
  
First, actually, you give outstanding introduction, however, the sentence, ~~the smallest percentage of both countries in the health care~~ . Its better if you correct it with the smallest percentage of expenditure for both countries was health care.  
  
...Looking at the figures  
~~witnessing~~ -> witnessed  
On the remaining figures ,  
household expenditure  
  
Cheers,
## Spendings in Asia in the pie charts

  
  
The pie charts present the proportion of primary need expenditures in Malaysia and Japan in 2010. Overall, it can be seen that the smallest percentage of spending money was health care in two countries.  
  
Turning to a more detailed analysis, housing was the largest expenditure in Malaysia at 34% whereas this only accounted for more than a fifth in Japan, making it occupy the third rate. Interestingly, food came in the second place in both countries at 27% and 24% respectively. Meanwhile, other goods and services were in third position in Malaysia with percentage approximately 26%. The largest proportion witnessed in Japan and making it stand in the first rate with the percentage of about 29%.  
  
Turning to another comparison, the lowest proportion of spending household in both countries was in transport and health care with each different percentage of primary need. However, a domination with more than double was seen in Japan.  
  
*
@ichaa  
I've made the following necessary corrections.  
  
Overall, it can be vividly observed that the least investments were made towards health care in both of the nations...  
The largest proportion was witnessed in Japan which made it to stand in the first rate with around 29%....  
While observing another statistics, the least household expenditure in both countries was in transport and health care with each having variable percentage of primary need. However, a domination of more than double was witnessed for Japan.  
*I would focus more over structuring your article. Two paragraphs would be enough for this text.*
## movie theaters in four countries

  
  
The table illustrates the total number of movie theather among four countries in Europe and Asian. Overall, at the first glanced it was evident that the highest spectators for film is reached by India in total.  
  
Looking at the details, there was a higher spectators in action movie for all countries which was India as the top rank at eight millions viewer. This is followed by Irland reaching 7.6 millions spectator. Meanwhile, a lower than 7.5 millions spectators is seen in both New Zealand and Japan. In romance film, the second greatest of spectators witness with a domination is still shown by India.  
  
Turning to the another genre, horror movies in all countries had a lowest viewer compared to another genre at 15.8 million spectators, in which Irland was the biggest in this genre. Both asians countries, show the same number of spectators at under 2.6 million in horror film. This places them into the lowest position of spectators.  
  
*
## consumption figures in different sectors

  
  
The pie chart compares the proportion of domestic spending of both Japan and Malaysia on five household sector's in 2010. Overall, it can be seen that health care sector was the smallest expense in both countries.  
  
Looking at the figure, the most household expenditure was in the good and services sector, representing almost over less than a third and housing was the third popular expenditure in Japan, while in Malaysia the biggest expenses was in the housing sector at 34%. Turning to Japan, nearly a quarter of food sector was the second largest household spending meanwhile good and services was the second largest in Malaysia. Interestingly, both of two countries occupied the second position of spending on food category during the period  
  
On the other hand, less proportion was seen in remaining sector. Percentages of health care and transport sector was the smallest household spending in both countries, but a domination with more than double was seen in Japan.  
  
*
@septaafrian0554  
Hello, Septa,  
It was such a great essay by the way, however, you need to tweak more of your essay to make it better  
First, on five household sector's, you should change it with..on five household sectors ..  
Secondly, looking at your body, "...~~was in the good and services sector.~~ ", I think it wasn't suitable with your chart, its better if you write "...was in other goods and services sector ". Furthermore, in second line you have to more structure in order to explain the figures, after explain the most household you should directly to compare the Japan's most dominant.  
  
Lastly, the second body, don't use "~~On the other hand~~ ", it wasn't appropriate, use connectors like "Turning to another figures ..".  
  
Cheers,
## Percentage of spendings in Malaysia and Japan

  
  
The pie chart illustrates the average domestic spending of Japan and Malaysia on five different categories in 2010. The most significant fact to emerge from the chart is both countries spent less in health care category.  
  
Looking at the figures, the highest expenditure of Japan was in other good and service with over a quarter of all categories, while Malaysia spent more money in housing with 34%. Interestingly, Food sector became the second highest in both countries at 24% in Japan and more than a quarter of all proportion in Malaysia. Likewise, transportation also became the second least expense in both countries with a fifth of all categories in Japan and only one in ten of all categories in Malaysia.  
  
Turning to another figures, housing sector became the third largest proportion in Japan with 21%. In contrast, Other goods and services occupied the third highest expense in Malaysia with 26%  
  
*
Hello Diaz..  
sharing is fun right?, i have some suggestions based on your essay  
  
... was in other good (goods) and service (services) ~~with~~ (just) over a quarter of (...) in housing ~~with~~ (at) 34%.  
... than a quarter ~~of all proportion~~ in Malaysia (of all proportion).  
... with a fifth ~~of all categories~~ in Japan and only one in ten ~~of all categories~~ in Malaysia (of all spending).
## Noticeable figures for expenditures in two countries

  
  
The pie charts presents the overall family spending in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010. Overall, it is noticeable that both countries allocated smallest proportion of their budget on health care.  
  
Japan allocated most of their money on other goods and services with 29 %, which was 3 % higher than Malaysia. Meanwhile, Malaysian spent most of their budget on other housing, more than one-third, while Japan only spent 21 %. On the other hand, Japan spent one-fifth of their expenditure on transport which was twice than Malaysian expenditure. However, Malaysian spent bigger money on food (27 %) than Japanese did with 24 %.  
  
Although both states allocated the smallest of their expenditure on health care, a domination was shown in Japan with 6 % which twice than Malaysian family. On the other words, it can be seen that Malaysian family spent a half lower than Japanese in both transport and healthcare.