dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## fit people in aUSTRALIA

  
  
The bar chart provides information about how difference between men and women who live in Australia did physical activity in their daily life in different age groups in the year 2010.  
  
Overall, the percentage of Australian female had a steady increase trend, while starting declined in the age 55 to 64. There is a significant rate at the beginning of the Australian male. However, it decreased to the lowest rate of all terms in the group of 35 to 44, and then go upward again.  
  
There are 47.7% of Australian women in age 15 to 24 doing regular exercise. Through the age growing, more woman aware of the healthy problems. Until to the age group 45 to 54, it reached the highest percentage, which is 53.3%. However, there is a lowest rate above all in the age group of 65 and over,47.1%, which is slightly more 0.4 than male.  
  
For the men in age group 15 to 24, it has the dramatically rate in all of the male's age group, which us 52.8%. However, it start decease to 39.5% in the age group 35 to 44. Surprisingly, it increases steadily through the age growth, and there is 46.7% in the age group 65 and over.
## **Psychologists have known for many years that color can affect how people feel.**

  
*For this reason, attention should be given to color schemes when decorating places such as offices and hospitals.  
How true is this statement? How far does color influence people's health and capacity for work?*  
  
For many years, psychologists' view has been that people's feelings can be affected by colors. Therefore, the colors should be noticed to occupy in offices and hospitals. In my opinion, the statement is not absolutely true. My reasons will be explained in the following paragraphs.  
  
At first, office workers have to face various issues in their life and perhaps, there is limited time left so that their distractions or attention by colors rarely happen. Some of them who had their own family worries about money to afford their living while others just work with their passion and find it comfortable. They really do not care much about the colors surroundings that are impossible to suit everyone's expectation. So, the presence of colors sometimes is unnecessary.  
  
In terms of hospitals, it is effortless to realize that the colors do not attract patients and doctors a lot because of their different concerns. In fact, doctors are so busy in treatment that there is no time to pay attention to colors. While resting and relaxing is more important for patients to recover their health, visitors just pop up to check the state of their relatives. In most hospitals in my country, white is one of the favorite colors used to paint in treatment rooms. The reason is to save money at maximum to boost the quality of treatment while obviously, it does not matter what colors the surroundings are.  
  
In conclusion, the idea of psychologists for a long time has been that colors can affect people's feelings and need to be paid attention in using in offices and hospitals. However, I believe that office workers are quite busy with their own goals while hospitals' staffs and patients have a lot of others to consider.  
  
Thanks for reading, please give me some advice!
There are 2 questions that need a response representation in your thesis section. You responded to the first one, regarding the truth of the statement, but failed to represent a topic response regarding the degree of influence that color has on people's worth ethic and health. For a clear representation of your opinion, you should present 2 sentences that are composed of the topics you plan to discuss in the reasoning paragraphs. Doing so will increase your TA score as you create a complete thesis presentation for that section.  
  
The first reasoning paragraph does not relate to the colors in its presentation. Therefore, the response is incorrect. The second reason, in relation to hospitals makes sense and is acceptable as a supporting discussion based on your reason. However, you do not give a true measure as to how little the color scheme affects the said subjects. If it does not influence the workplace, then explain why, the same way that you did for the hospital discussion.
## What are the pros and cons of using public transport?

  
  
These days, people tend to commute in public transport more frequently. it is common to see buses or subways everywhere, especially in big city. However, using public transport can bring both pros and cons for us. In this essay, I will discuss why public transport is so popular and some negatives of using it.  
  
I will start by looking at the advantages of the mass transit. The biggest positives of using public transport is that we can decrease the amount of fuel used for travelling. Instead of using car individually, we can go to work by bus or subway with other people. By doing this, we probably save a lot of fossil fuel, which may slow down the progress of climate change. Another major advantage is that the traffic jam will be minimize due to public transport. If more people travel by bus and subway, the number of cars will be decreased. Thus the traffic congestion is less likely to happen.  
  
On the other hand, public transport also has negative effects. One of the main disadvantages is the lack of privacy. Subway and bus are often very crowded. You may have to sit next to many strangers uncomfortably for almost thirty minutes or more. Another drawback is that it is hard to take a bus or metro in the rush hour as there will be a lot of people. We may waste so much time and miss our favourite television programme.  
  
Both sides considered, using mass transit have both ups and downs. While commuting in subway can lower our fuel consumption and prevent gridlock, many people find it uncomfortable to wait and sit in a packed train.  
  
(277 words)
You are not being asked to discuss why public transportation is so popular and some negatives of using it. Look at the original discussion topic:  
  
OT: What are the pros and cons of using public transport.  
YT: In this essay, I will discuss why public transport is so popular and some negatives of using it.  
  
You have changed the discussion requirement in totality. You are no longer using the pro and con discussion, but rather the popularity and negativity that comes with public transportation use. That is a clear prompt deviation which means your TA score will be based on an unrelated response. You will however, still be scored based on the original prompt related discussion paragraphs you have written. Kindly remember that you should never change the topic discussion / requirements because these will result in TA percentage penalties for you in the final score.
## EMPLOYMENT OF ALL MALE AND FEMALE WORKERS BY OCCUPATION IN THE UK IN 2005

  
  
**The bar chart below shows the employment of all male and female workers by occupation in the UK in the year 2005. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
The bar graph provides the rate of employed British people based on genders in various working fields in 2005. Overall, men took part mostly in technical and required special training careers, whereas women are more favorable in customer service-related professions and working in office.  
  
For high technical skilled jobs, most of the occupations were dominant by males except for associate professional and technical as women were slightly more than men by 2%. In skilled trades, the figure was different among genders, only 2% of working women compared to 20% of that in men. Similarly, for process, plant and machine operatives, the corresponding proportions were around 2% and more than 12%. In comparison, the percentage of women participated in manager and senior officials as well as professional occupations were less significant, at 11%.  
  
In administrative and secretarial areas, on the other hand, had an outbreak in the number of female workers with 22% which was nearly 5 times greater than that of males. Likewise, sales and customer service and personal service experienced the same difference in the number of genders, since the ratio of women to men in the latter is approximately 7 to 1 and for the former, the percentage were 12% in females and about 5 % in males. Laborers and caterers careers are relatively balanced in gender.  
  
*
Did you take into account that you only have 20 minutes to complete this report based on salient information presentations only? Writing 219 words leaves you only 31 words short of the 250 minimum word count for the Task 2 essay. That means writing this task may force you to use some of the Task 2 writing allowance. You do not have to make this report extremely long, just quick and informative. Anywhere between 175-200 words will be sufficient. This is only a task that asks you to prove your ability to restate information in a clear manner. It does not need to be overstated. Keep it short and understandable. That is all this task requires you to do. Due to the length of your essay, you have made more errors in the LR and GRA section than you should have. If you had kept it short, you would have made lesser score deductible mistakes.
## best neighborhood to live

  
  
I prefer living in a metropolitan where citizens are from different social classes, the poverty live with the wealthy, which leads to a big chance for experiencing many lifestyles, I want to know their viewpoints, jobs, the way of solving problems... I realize their behaviors are not the same because educations, family environment have an impact on them differently. For example, if parents usually yell at their children, these children towards to be grumpies. However, if children are well-educated on politeness, they may be supposed to be nice and kind to everyone. In addition, I could acquire more knowledge of soft skills when communicating with them every day since every person has different identities, a good person, a bad person, they have various personalities, which leads to dealing them in different ways
Well, you definitely presented a clear choice in your first sentence in this paragraph. However, improper punctuation mark usage created confusion in the understanding of your presentation. You have a comma where a period is required and ellipses to represent a train of unspoken thought when the presentation should have instead ended. There are also improperly developed sentences that use wrong vocabulary ( ... children ~~towards~~  tend to be ~~grumpies~~  grumps). You have the ability to write in proper English grammar. You just need to work on your vocabulary and word usage. You can also write in an interesting manner. However, the errors in your presentation based on grammar rules and vocabulary guidelines are what prevented your paragraph from becoming a clearly enjoyable read.
Seeing that this is a prompt for a Task 2 essay, you will only have 40 minutes to write, edit, revise, and finalize your task discussion. Now, I understand that you can type in a manner that would shame a secretary in terms of speed, that does not equate to a properly formatted nor discussed task 2 essay. With only 40 minutes allotted, you should not be writing more than 300 words for this task. That is, if you want to focus on a higher score based on the scoring requirements, none of which consider the number of words that you can type. Rather, the cohesiveness and clarity of your discussion points matter the most when the examiner begins to score your work.  
  
One of the major errors in your presentation is in the first paragraph. The prompt restatement. You did not simply restate the prompt as required, but you added information that is not a part of the originally presented discussion topic. The examiners dislike it very much when you add information to the restatement because that changes the original meaning of the prompt. Even if you finally get back on track to the original topic discussion, the damage has been done to the original presentation by your ill informed decision to include information that you want to state, regardless of its non-inclusion in the original presentation.  
  
The task 2 essay does not require a research paper type of discussion nor analysis as you did in this paper. Learn to write clearly in a quick manner. That means, using no more than the 300 word allowance for writing. 5 sentences per paragraph will more than suffice in proving your comprehension and writing abilities. How else can you be judged on your ability to be able to clearly explain yourself to an ENL person right? Keep it simple. You are not writing an opinion paper for publication. You are merely proving your English writing and grammar skills.
## The Internet has as many disadvantages as it has advantages

  
  
Nowadays, due to the development of the internet. Our life has improved a lot. However, some people say that it has drawbacks. In my point of view, I agree with both sides, I will give my own opinion below.  
  
Firstly, the internet is considered significant of the role life. It helps us work easier, especially for business. When they have to exchange work with partners in another place. They can send emails or use video conferencing. It is faster and more convenient. Secondly, we can find more documents or information about our work on the Internet. It has a huge of things that we can refer to. Finally, it also brings many benefits to studying. For example, because of the Covid -19, students could not go to school. Thus, they learn through the internet, which makes sure that they still study enough.  
  
On the other hand, the internet has its drawbacks. Occasionally, users have to face some problems. For instance, private information will be stolen by some bad links. In addition, the children use the internet exceed that their parent can not control. They will ignore their studies, the result will be worse. Moreover, the internet can be addicted such as young people just want to surf newsfeed on Facebook or Instagram. They can use these social networks every day. It wastes a lot of time.  
  
In conclusion, the internet has pros and cons. So, people should use it right ways, and identify the good things about the internet and avoid the bad ones.
The discussion instruction for this essay is: To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? The way the question is formed highlights the need for you to offered a measured response that will allow you to side with both presentations. Something along the lines of :  
  
I agree with this statement up to the point where...  
  
or  
  
I partially disagree with this statement because...  
  
Always present the reasons for your opinion as a part of your thesis statement to help with the C&C scoring consideration of your essay.  
  
You cannot agree with both sides equally. That is prevented by the word "extent" in the discussion instruction. One side must have a stronger opinion coming from you than the other. It is that stronger opinion that you should be discussing in this essay due to the measured response that created the thesis statement. So your response is not in the proper response format and will receive a corresponding TA score. The conclusion itself, is also problematic because you wrote less than 40 words or 2 sentences, which would have properly summarized the discussion. As such, the presentation of that part is nothing more than an irrelevant run-on sentence.
## affordable but unhealthy foods

  
  
It is thought by some that fast food is becoming cheaper and more widely available. While I accept that this development may bring about some benefits, I believe that they are more likely to have a harmful impact.  
  
One of the big advantages of processed food is suitable all most of all ages with the price to suit every pocket. Firstly, to low-income people, fast food becoming cheaper is a good sign, it is obvious that when fast food is cheaper, apart from having more options for meals, the impoverished citizens can also save a small amount of money. Secondly, another major plus point of fast food is truly comfortable for busy people such as workers, officers, the labour workforce, so on. This means that they only have a short lunch break so they do not have enough time to prepare and cook their meals, not only fast food can also meet their requirements but also it is fast, tasty, inexpensive, and does not make them skip a meal.  
  
While processed food could bring many different sorts of benefits, it may also cause problems. The main disadvantage of fast food is the health of people. In fact, the number of people who are obese is gradually increasing. Because the fat content within fast food is too much, they can also get more diseases. More seriously, the percentage of rubbish every year is higher. Obviously, fast food is wrapped in a plastic bag, so when people eat fast food then the plastic bag will discharge to the environment. Every day passes, that surely make polluted natural environment. Especially, Vietnam, where the meal is considered a traditional meal. The member of a family can share something in this meal to understanding each other better, so fast food is not a good opportunity for people.  
  
In conclusion, it seems to me that the potential dangers of processed food are more significant than the possible benefits.
I believe that they are more likely to have a harmful impact.  
- You need to be clear use synonyms for the "advantages outweigh the disadvantages" question in the original prompt. Your response does not correspond to the expected response format. Your response / opinion is therefore not clear and is counter to the discussion instructions you were provided. It is not a comparative essay. It is a single opinion essay that will weigh heavily on the defense of one of the 2 discussion options provided. The response you have written does not follow the required format.  
  
Due to the lack of clarity in your opinion and direct response to the question, it appears that your overall presentation is not aligned with the requirements of the prompt. You have not written a prompt applicable response essay in this case.
Hi @grassil, I think you have misunderstood the main point of the question. It is to prove which side outweighs the other, not to list both sides and give your opinion. However, here is my advice to your essay.  
  
"...THAT FAST FOOD IS BECOMING CHEAPER AND MORE WIDELY AVAILABLE"  
I believe this phrase should be paraphrased in order to receive a higher score. You may find synonyms for the word "cheaper" and "available" or you can change the structure of the sentence ;)  
  
Then, for the rest of the essay, you can double check your grammar since there are several mistakes along the work.  
  
Good luck Grassil! Stay safe!
## Rich Countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty.

  
***Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?***  
  
It is common that Rich Nations frequently help Poorer Nations by giving some money. Unfortunately, it does not necessarily eradicate the poverty, hence Rich Countries are mandatory to substitute their aid in order to maximize the aim of the given aid. In my perspective, I totally agree with this notion because by only giving money it only produces an abysmal result.  
  
There is a major drawback if the developed countries only give the fresh money. That is because mostly the Government of the developing countries have not a decent system to manage the money, then the given money will not be totally used to overcome the health, education, and food supply problems. In addition, due to the lack of the financial system and transparency, it will tend to use as a big opportunity by the politicians and the policymakers to do corruption.  
  
By altering the aid into another type, it is predicted to increase the quality of the people of poorer nations. For instance, in Indonesia, where the World Bank classified it to Lower-Middle Income country, most of developed countries help it by given student exchange or fully funded scholarship opportunities to young people and scholars. For example, since the 1980s the US has been frequently giving the opportunity to 100 high school students for a year student exchange in the US to give them horizons, insights, and spirits on what it feels to live in the richest country. The result was fantastic, some of the Indonesian ministries, scholars, lawyers, and doctors are former of the student exchange participants and they really help the community even the government to improve the policy-making systems. Hence, it is no wonder why Indonesia is now at the top 15 in the biggest Gross Domestic Product countries from 189 nations.
Richer nations, rich countries, and poorer nations are not proper nouns. These references should not be capitalized in your text. These errors will cause GRA penalties right from the start of your essay. That is not a good way to begin your base scoring consideration. At least you responded properly to the prompt question and you showed you understood the original prompt, doing your best to properly restate the original topic and reasons for the discussion. Though ESL in approach, the reader can understand what it is you are trying to say, which will have a positive effect in your GRA score, but not eliminate the penalties you will incur for the previous errors in writing presentation.  
  
While you did a good job of discussing and defending your opinion, your second paragraph is too long. It should be shorter. No more than 5 sentences because the next paragraph should be the reverse paraphrase presentation. The concluding summary that helps to remind the reviewer of the topic, your opinion, and the reasons for your opinion in short form. This is an open-ended essay that will suffer in the final scoring due to the incomplete discussion presentation.