dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Le, you are short of the required 4 paragraph presentation for the Task 1 essay even though you wrote more than the minimum 150 word requirement. That is because you failed to properly represent the comparison information with regards to the chart information. You also failed to properly identify the type of chart provided in the summary overview. This is not a diagram but a bar chart. You have to be accurate when it comes to identifying information in your essay otherwise you could lose points with regards to C&C considerations.  
  
Since numerical data was provided throughout the essay, you should have constantly quoted the information from the chart. Do not use assumptions or implied information when there is factual data to consider, that creates a less informative presentation for the examiner to consider. Since this is an analytical report, you need to use all the available information in your presentation otherwise, it can affect your C&C score yet again.  
  
Your LR score will suffer due to your carelessness when it comes to spelling. Always double check your spelling before submitting your work, wrong spelling will result in LR deductions for you. You misspelled Wisconsin in this essay which is unforgivable considering that the name of the state was actually spelled for you in the chart. This clearly shows how little to studied the chart and how you could care less about the accuracy of your writing. If you want to pass this test, then mind the way that you write. Every mistakes counts towards a failing score.  
  
Your GRA could well be placed in a bad situation as well because you use contractions in a formal writing setting. Never use contractions unless you are writing an informal paper. In this instance, do not use short cuts when spelling, always spell it out.
## IELTS TASK 2: Higher tax on fast food

  
  
**In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?**  
  
The world we are living is full of fast food sold everywhere. However, in some cases fast food is the main cause of many health problems. To solve this matter, governments tend to apply a higher tax on fast food. Personally, I totally agree with this statement for these following reasons.  
  
It seems to me that governments should quickly establish the policy of increasing tax in fast food. The first reason behind it is that restaurants or enterprises selling fast food will have to reduce amount of this kind of food to the market. If fast food does not appear frequently on market or be sold with high price, consumers will cut off their demand for eating fast food. Therefore, people can avoid risks of getting sick from high amount of cholesterol or fat in fast food.  
  
The next reason to raise the fast food tax is that the government should spend the money from tax on developing public health for the community. While we are making effort to prevent toxic factors of fast food from getting into our body, we improve the health services at the same time to offer our community sufficient access to healthcare system. It is much more beneficial for civil as their health is specially taken into account by the authorities.  
  
To sum up, for a great number of people, fast food becomes a big love and eating them is hard to be a changeable habit in short time. Still, we can aware of harm from fast food and know the outcome if we eat them too excessively. I suppose we need to change ourselves and the governments will help us consume less on fast food by raising the tax.
Hong, this was a very well written essay until you had to write the concluding paragraph. The concluding paragraph is always written as a summary or recap of the previous discussion covering the following topics:  
  
1. Restatement of the discussion topic  
2. Your opinion of the topic  
3. Reasons for your opinion  
4. Closing sentence  
  
I admire the way that you were able to make yourself understood clearly using your intermediate grasp of the English language. While you did have grammatical errors strewn throughout the essay, these mistakes did not impede the understanding of what you were trying to say in the paragraph. While you need to work on the cohesiveness of your presentation, it was, at the very least, coherent enough to gain you a passing score in the C&C and GRA sections. These are the main problem areas of your essay that you should pay attention to during your next practice test.
## IELTS: Freedom to Creative artists

  
  
**Creative artists should always be given freedom to express their own ideas(in words, pictures, music or films) in whichever way they wish. There should be no government restrictions on what they do.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.  
  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.**  
  
Amount of freedom to be given to artists in order to express their views has always been a topic of interest in all the societies for ages. Should an authority interfere with the idea propagated by a piece of art or should they leave it up to the society's acceptance or rejection? In my opinion there should not be any restrictions whatsoever. This essay will provide reasons with supporting examples in order to prove the importance of providing an absolute independence to art.  
  
In a number of countries authors, through their novels and articles, have helped their society transition from an orthodox and fundamentalist mind-set to a liberal and progressive one. Amidst all the adversaries, by their piece of work they always try to portray a true picture of their respective community. Look at how a noted writer Taslima Nasreen in her creations has criticized the radicalization of Bangladesh. She was out casted by her religion and country for decades but her piece of work is finally making Bangladesh a liberal country. Therefore, it is necessary to provide complete freedom to the artists for a better future of a nation.  
  
Art has an inherent feature to keep people contended and blissful. We have observed that the countries that have interfered with any art form have suffered on the overall happiness index of their citizens. A very good example to look at is Singapore government's ruling to ban street art calling it nothing more than clutter. Street arts are usually used to express anger against atrocities of people in power. A series of such restrictions over songs, movies and news articles have made Singapore harbinger in number of suicide cases reported due to depression. Thus a society cannot be free of frustration with any kind of censorship of expression.  
  
After going through all the above points I can safely conclude that any kind of interference by the government on artist's freedom of expression has always worked negatively for a society. Therefore, it's a necessity for any authorities to stay completely away from any idea of censorship of art.
## Essay task 2 IELTS

  
  
People have different views with regard to the question how to make our road safer. While I accept that severe punishments could be effective, I argue that there are some other solutions that can use to change driving offense and improve road safety.  
  
It is unquestionable that human habit can be changed by drastic action. For that reason, severe punishments would act as deterrent for drivers who would be offenders. Drivers who cause for serious traffic accident would be sent in jail where they can rethink about the consequences of their reckless actions. One other penalty could be implemented to resist seriousness of offending is depriving license suspension permanently from break-rulers. Aside from that drivers can take conscious action before involving traffic under the sets of strict sentences.  
  
Nevertheless, road safety object can be met by range of other solutions. Firstly, people can be educated before using traffic about the rules and how to prevent themselves from accidents that might occur on the road. While having prudent awareness about using traffic, drivers are less likely to break the rule. Secondly, authorities can provide better public transport for the habitant. With better public transport they might have no incentive to use private vehicle. The more traffic reduced on the road, the less possibility of traffic accidents. As a result, the road becomes much safer for traffic attendance.  
  
In conclusion, although stricter punishment has its own advantages, I still believe that we can improve driver habits effectively and efficiently through some other solutions.  
  
251 words. Thank you very much.
I do not believe that you have written enough words to assure yourself of a passing score in the essay. 251 words isn't enough of a presentation to highlight your English writing abilities. You need a maximum of 275 words to accomplish that. Don't just try to meet the minimum word requirement. You are not maximizing your scoring potential in all 4 considerations when you do that.  
  
Since you did not provide a copy of the original prompt requirements, I cannot assess the content of your essay for its relevance to the remaining scoring considerations. Please remember to provide that the next time you post here for a review. You cannot expect a comprehensive review from a contributor without it. Overall, I believe you have the potential to do well in the test. I just need more information to help guide you towards that.
## water clock step by step

  
  
*The diagram below shows the process for making a water clock.  
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.*  
  
The diagram describes how to recreate a water timer. In general, the process includes many steps, beginning with the flow of water from the tap and ending at the plastic bottle.  
  
To begin with, a set of compartments is required to build the water clock. First of all, a L-shaped stand is put under the tap with its top attached to a plain plastic bottle whose bottom has a hole by tape. In addition, a straw is glued into one side of that bottle. At the bottom of the stand, there is a stratified bottle with its neck cut off.  
  
Once the tool is ready, turn on the tap and put a finger beneath the plain bottle to allow the water to fill in. The excess amount of water will leave through the straw in order to keep the water level unchanged. After that stage, release the finger to let water flow into the second bottle which displays levels per minute. Finally, eliminate the content and repeat another process.  
  
*
Ngo, you must remember that the Task 1 essay requires a total of 4 paragraphs, not 4. You have to better spread out your discussion of the instructions provided in order to do that. Try to aim for 175 words to allow yourself the opportunity to write enough words for better scoring potentials across the board.  
  
You need help with your English vocabulary. To " recreate" means to create an imitation. In this case, the person is being instructed on how to "create" the water clock. It is better to use the more precise word description in this instance to help create a more convincing take on the instructions you will be providing.  
  
Try to avoid writing long sentences. Your first paragraph could have better helped your GRA score if you had divided the information in the second sentence into 2 presentations instead of 1 long description. That tends to come across as a run-on sentence because of its length and the combination of two ideas in one sentence.  
  
Save for these observations, you did a good job on this essay. The instructions are clear and the reader can easily follow the presentation you used. Good job!
**nowadays children are more disciplined because their parents are more busy with their career. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion ? what could parents do to build a sense of discipline among student . Give reasons for your answers.**  
  
## pursuing money and neglecting kids

  
  
Nowadays due to development of economy and the hustle and bustle of life. People have to work harder to make their living. As a result, They do not have time to spend for each other, spiritual life is reducing. Some people claim that their children are becoming more and more disciplined because they do not provide enough care for their son and daughter. I completely agree with this point. I will demonstrate my view with in this writing.  
  
Firstly, it is not easy for parents to balance between job and family simply because these days life is super difficult, parents have to work hard to find money for many things, such as water, electrical bills, son and daughter's tuition fees,... Some parents even have to work for more than 11 hours a day, Consequently, they do not even have time to eat so how can they have time to teach and play with their children. As you know, children especially adolescent, They extremely need love and care from their parents due to their changing in mind and body, lacking of fundamentally needs they will less saying, not want to share their idea and talk with parents. They prefer to talk and go out with strange people as they spend more time with them. For long time this problem will be more terrible, they become a bad child and not easy to teach them or tell them what do to. In near future they will no longer know who is really their family.  
  
For all consequences i have recommended, i hope that parents will spend more time for their children. They could spend weekends to lead their children to the park , supper market, or entertainment center to mount family relationship. It's also spend a little time at night to teach you children their lessons or even simply say good night to their love.  
  
To sum up, Life can be difficult these days, you have many things to deal with but remember to spend time for your children, for your love. Money can be found be found but when you lost your children it is not easy to find them again.  
  
Thanks for your checking <3
You should not use the general statement in the introduction*"Nowadays due to ... and bustle of life."* - It makes no sense at all.  
  
You need outline what you are going to write instead of *"I will demonstrate my view ..."*  
Also it would be better if you used long sentences and academic word phrases in your essay.  
The topic required you to give your opinion not solution *"For all consequences i have recommended...."*  
You need at least 2 supporting paragraphs to illustrate your points of view.
Knobs, your opening paraphrase is confusing. It does not make sense. Although you provided a proper extent response to the (dis)agree question, you did not outline the reasons that will support your response. The reasons should have been outlined in the opening paraphrase to fully satisfy the Task Accuracy requirements. As such, your TA score will not be as high as it could have been. Once you miss out on representing one of the prompt paraphrase requirements, you can expect point deductions to be applied to the Task Accuracy section of the scoring considerations.  
  
Your essay went off topic in the second paragraph, also known as the first reasoning paragraph. This mistake continued all the way to the concluding summary. Due to the prompt deviation, you cannot expect this essay to get a passing score. It lacks clarity, it does not follow the discussion instructions, and it closes on a totally unrelated topic rather than a discussion summary. I strongly urge you to familiarize yourself with the discussion methods for the Task 2 essays before you continue with your practice tests. If you don't understand how to respond to the essays, you will not be able to pass the actual test.
## younger look is trendy

  
  
Many people try to look younger than their age. What are the reasons people do this? Do you think this is a good or bad thing?  
  
It is true that many people nowadays are trying to change their body image in order to appear younger. This trend, which is entirely negative in my opinion, is based on many factors.  
  
Firstly, advertisements of cosmetic products overwhelmingly promote a false idea of beauty by modifying people's perception of what real beauty is. People are persuaded to resist any physical signs of aging such as facial wrinkles by using these products in order to look more awesome in the eyes of others. A further factor is that people's desire to engage in social relationships derives them to try hard to look younger. In Egypt, for example, the older a woman becomes, the harder it would be for her to get married because the society usually perceives old women as less desired. This, as a result, forces a significant number of females to modify their physical appearance to look younger.  
  
Despite these factors, there are significant drawbacks associated with this trend. Many people have become so obsessed with their self-image that they waste a lot of money and effort in order to look younger. They tend to buy myriads of cosmetic products and up-to-date fashionable clothes, by which they hopefully can change the way they look. This, consequently, puts a tremendous financial as well as psychological strain on the victims. The physical danger can be another critical effect, by which people might incline into harmful procedures to look younger such as plastic surgeries. These operations, unless for medical purposes, put people at risk of having potential complications such as damaging their normal facial anatomy.  
  
In conclusion, many people are continuously trying to look younger mainly due to the overwhelming of advertisements and the eagerness to gain social acceptance by others. This trend has substantial negative impacts on people's finances as well as their psychological and physical health.  
  
307 words
This is very well written! My only issues were with the first sentence and your choice of the word "awesome" within the first paragraph.  
If it were me, I would just cut out "It is true..." and just start with "people are trying to change their body image in order to appear younger."  
  
Secondly, the word "awesome" is extremely overused and thus has lost complete meaning. I would use something like "beautiful" or "unique" instead.  
  
Good job!!! :)
Osha, try to use descriptive adjectives instead of general reference adjectives to help heighten the clarity of your work. Rather than saying "a significant number", it would be better if you can attach an actual number reference to that to give the reader a clearer idea of what you want to say. The reference should be written as "a sizeable number" .  
  
With 304 words, I feel like you have written too many words for this essay. I would be more comfortable if you can write a maximum of 275 words because you need to allot editing time for your essay. Don't assume that your draft is the finished product. Always try to review your work before submission. That is best achieved, considering the time allowance, within 275 words. Believe me, getting used to writing this way will pay off for you in the long run. You will be able to spot presentation errors and correct it for the score boost rather than leaving the errors and getting points deductions for it.  
  
Learn to identify the different Task 2 types, This is a direct question essay. That means, you do not give a vague reference to a response located within the reasoning paragraphs. Instead, you outline the topics for the reasoning paragraphs by giving one sentence definite responses to every question provided. Please remember that the opening and closing paragraphs need a minimum of 3 sentences to help boost your TA and GRA scores.  
  
Try to use non memorized phrases for your concluding paragraph opening. Rather than saying "In conclusion", change it up to show a familiarity with the English language. You could say "Based on the given information" or "Considering all the facts", as paragraph openers. That way you show that you have a good grasp of the English language and not just a memorized method of writing.
**TRAFFIC AND HOUSING PROBLEMS COULD BE SOLVED BY MOVING LARGE COMPANIES, FACTORIES AND THEIR EMPLOYERS TO THE COUNTRYSIDE. DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?**  
  
## housing issues AND Traffic jam

  
  
Traffic jam and housing issues has become major problems that could be taken by relocating big companies, industries and their workers to the rural areas. In my opinion, I agree that moving employers and factories out of cities-center which is a good solution to reduce traffic congestion and housing issues.  
  
A good reason to relocate companies and their worker to the rural areas that could be reduced traffic jam is that it could decrease the population in the big cities. Nowadays, citizens often commute to work by their private car. If each person uses a car, the roads will become overload. Moreover, when they move to out of the city, they won't drive car the inner city. For example, there are a lot of companies in Bangkok, Thailand. That leads to Bangkok has one of the highest traffic congestion rate in the world. Therefore, the reduction of population in the cities-center could be addressed the traffic jam rate.  
  
Another point to consider is that this solution ought to help the house price to be cheaper. The house prices are expensive in the big cities. This means workers are difficult to buy a private house and less space for poorer people. The companies move their employers out of cities that take the pressure off overcrowded cities. Take Beijing as an example, the house price is one of the most expensive in the world. However, the industries and firms move to the countryside around Beijing the house price is becoming cheaper than in the city-center. As a result, the housing problem could be solved by moving factories and workers out of the city.  
  
In conclusion, the amount of vehicles on the road and the challenge of house could be addressed by moving companies to outside city that allows the reduction of population in the city and pull down the house prices.
*NB, I'm not a native speaker or expert*  
  
there are significant grammatical issues nearly in every sentence, so try to revise the basic grammar rules before writing.  
  
... housing issues ~~has~~ have  
could be ~~taken~~ tackled/ dealt with/ attenuated by  
~~the~~ rural areas (when speaking in general, don't use {the} with plurals.)  
cities~~-~~center ~~which~~ is a good solution (it is a complete sentence , not a relative clause, no need for "which")  
... and their workers to ~~the~~ rural areas ~~that could be~~ to reduce~~d~~ traffic jam ...  
their private cars  
If ~~each~~ everyperson/ everyone uses a car, ... become overloaded  
... out of ~~the~~ cities, ( use "the" when you are talking about a specific thing, for example, a specific city. Writing about general countable nouns requires using either the plural form or the singular form with the article "a/an"  
  
they ~~won't~~ will notdrive (do not use abbreviations in a formal essay) cars in the inner city. (This argument is very week in terms of logical consequence and the choice of ideas)  
  
Bangkok and Thailand  
could becan address~~ed~~ the traffic jam rate.( unnecessary passive)  
~~the~~ housing prices  
~~The~~ hous~~e~~ing prices are  
means workers ~~are~~ find it difficult to  
buy a private house and less space for poorer (this an error of parallelism, when using "and" you have to keep your sentences before and after it in the same structure)  
  
 ~~that~~ ~~take~~ lessen the pressure ~~off~~ on overcrowded cities  
When ~~the~~ industries ... Beijing, ~~the~~ hous~~ing~~ prices ~~is becoming~~ would become cheaper than i... (it is hypothetical situation, use could, might, would instead of the present tense)  
  
the challenge of housing  
outside city, ~~that~~ which allows the reduction.