dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
... improvement related to their academic history are the ones who should be rewarded.  
  
I firmly believe their is an argument to be made that both groups of students should be rewarded for their efforts, regardless whether they show high academic results or improvement.  
  
... student gets first rank in class and ~~then~~ the teachers give them a present, it will encourage students to continue their hard work in class.  
  
This ~~matter~~ will encourage them (...) be as smart as another student if they strive for it.  
  
... but they try to change it through hard work, teachers should also appreciate them.  
... about the progress that students make.
**Some people think that large, impressive buildings are important for a city. Others believe that the money should be spent on improving schools and hospitals.  
  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.**  
  
Tourism is one of the power that make a huge profit for many countries all around the world. So constructing impressive buildings to attract a lot of tourists in a country is very important. But governments should care about education and health's their citizens. Although schools and hospitals are less noticeable, this does not mean they are less important. In my opinion, I think government should balance in spending money to build between magnificent building and hospitals, schools.  
  
Whoever visits to a city centre, the first sight that attrack him or her is the buildings that stand out. Buildings like Pompidou Centre in Paris and the Burj Khalifa in Dubai, which is the tallest building in the world, it makes the country to be famous around the world. Thank to these building, their country is known well and residents have things to do such as buying souvenirs, drinks and food to tourists or make the tour guide to improve income. I think government spend money on city buildings will brings a lot of benefits for both their country and citizens.  
  
However, governments also make sure that their citizens are look after about knowledge and health. This mean schools and hospitals are needed to satisfy basic requirement of residents. Where I live, more and more hospitals are built but there are also many situations that patients have no bed to lie in the hospital. A small bed can be even included 2 patients, and patient's family is uncomfortable clearly. Our government is planning to build a special centre for them to solve this problem, and of course this will cost a lot of money.  
  
Overall, I believe government will have a great policy to balance spending money into between large buildings and hospitals, schools. Impressive buildings are necessary for developing their economy. But modern schools and hospitals are not less important to ensure the demand of people in their country.
There are problems with your spelling and grammar throughout the essay. Let me tell you something though, while other grammatical errors tend to irritate me, your grammatical errors, specially in spelling, are just so cute in the way it portrays the error that I can't help but smile at the thought that you were-this-close to almost getting the spelling right. Here's a tip, when you write the essay, since it is a practice test, do it as a document file. That way you can use spellcheck to correct your errors. It is much easier than having to look up the spelling in the dictionary, even it is online. Spellcheck can actually help improve your grammar and increase your practice test scores in the process.  
  
Now, on to the main problem with your essay. You have made the very same mistake that the others before you made when responding to an opinion prompt. You placed your opinion at the conclusion of the essay. This is a mistake. You are not allowed to present your opinion in the paragraph that is supposed to just wrap up the discussion. Rather, you are supposed to deliver your opinion as a stand alone paragraph towards the end of the essay.  
  
If you revise this essay to better reflect your opinion as required, you will have a 5 paragraph essay, which is the standard, correct format for writing these practice tests. Please consider revising your work as it will produce a better practice score for you.
**The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers, or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead.**  
  
Most television programs show about activities from famous people, but there is another side of people's life that need to serve to the public. However, I tend to agree that ordinary people need to be shown on television although celebrities have big portions in public interest.  
  
Nowadays, people always follow information about celebrities everywhere. They argue that it is more attractive to be watched than normal people. For instance, In Indonesia, there is a reality show that tells information about actor's home and the activity. This makes inhabitants exciting to know much more about the actor itself. As a result, people enjoy getting news and ask to media to show celebrities activity intensively. However, there is another person that need to be announced in television besides celebrities life.  
  
Normal people sometimes do not give sensational information for viewers. If people come deeply to their life, they will understand how extremely getting money is. Therefore, tv program should report ordinary people too. For instance, 'If I want to be' is the title of the most famous reality show in Indonesia. This program gives motivation to people to keep spirit to face the problems in life and can change people's habit to be better than before. Thus, do not underestimate people to be shown at the media today.  
  
In conclusion, I agree that celebrities are more significant than ordinary people, but media should make a balance between celebrities and normal people to be shown on television. In my opinion, it depends on people how they think about the information that they want to get, but the media should tell the news from everyone.
**Percentage of first-year teacher with regular teaching jobs by year of graduation (Unit 3 Page 36)**  
  
The graph gives information about number of English-Language teachers and French-Language teachers from 2001 to 2007 in Ontorio by years of graduation. All in all, the percentage of English-Language teachers were a dramatic decrease and French-Language teachers were a slight increase.  
  
In 2001, the number of English-language teachers stood at 75 percent and French-language teachers was 70 percent. Three years later, in 2003 there was a dramatic decrease of English-language teachers to 35 percent and decreased in the percentage of French-Language teachers during 2001 to 2003 at 70 percent to 68 percent.  
  
From 2003 to 2005, English and French language teachers were gradual increase. Based on the graph can be seen that, an increase in English teachers were 40 percent to 45 percent. And then, French teachers were small rise from 68 percent to 70 percent.  
  
Even though, there was grew up during three years later, between 2005 and 2007 the number of English-Language teachers and French-Language teachers were different. English-Language teachers were felt down under 30 percent, while French-Language teachers were slight increase event there was fluctuated (179w).  
  
*
Hi Reski, here is a cleaned up version of your essay. I hope you can see where I made the improvements and how you can improve your content by simply separating the information into specific sentences within the applicable paragraph.  
  
*The graph provides information regarding the recruitment number of English and French language teachers in Ontario covering the years of 2001 to 2007. The graph clearly shows that there is a marked difference in the number of English and French language teachers respectively. There was a decrease in the English teachers, while the French teachers experienced an increase during the period indicated.  
  
English teachers in 2001 were represented at 75 percent while the French language counterparts were only at 70 %. By the year 2003, the English teachers percentage experienced a decline to 35 percent. There was also a decrease of 70 to 68 percent from the year 2001-2003 in the French teacher area.  
  
There was a slow increase in the number of English and French language teachers fro 2003-2005. Based on the graph information, the increase in English teachers ranged from 40 to 45 percent. While there was only a small rise in the area of French teachers. The increase in French teachers only went from 68 to 70 percent.  
  
Though there was an increase three years later. The years of 2005 to 2007 showed different digits for English and French language teachers. English teacher numbers were down to 30 percent. While the French language teachers showed a fluctuating increase of 179w.*
All in all, the percentage ...  
  
1. Your overview is already good, but it is better if you add some information about the overall. For instance turning point in 2002 when English teacher more than French teacher.  
  
... during 2001 to 2003 ~~at~~**from** 70 percent to 68 percent.  
  
2. ~~at .... to .....~~**from.... to....**  
  
. Based on the graph **it** can be seen that,  
  
3. It can --> It (subject) + can + be + seen (verb)  
  
there ~~was~~ grew up during ...  
  
4. was (verb) grew up (verb) . If negative form ---> was grown up  
  
English-Language teachers ~~were~~ felt down ...  
  
5. Double verb again. kalau vErb 3 ---> felt down --> diturunkan ? Passive or Active ?  
  
French-Language teachers ~~were slight increase~~**increased slightly** even~~t~~ there ~~was~~ fluctuated  
  
6. Passive or Active ? If it's active you make double verb. if negative i think it's not appropriate with the sentence.
***The media pay too many attentions to the lives and relationship of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballer. They should be more time reporting the lives of ordinary people.***  
  
The powerful of news about popular people on diverse of mass media is very influence in recently. He famous people such as entertainment workers and sport athletes dominate in news. I think we have to know other side of live that need more attention and it uses to be reported such as general people. I totally agree that inhabitant people is necessary to be blew up.  
  
Everybody has a curiosity to know about the information. For instance, it is aim to fulfill their need for news. I believe that the most important news should be come from general people especially about every experience that happen in their live. We have to report about ordinary people, because they are larger element in a country according to job than the celebrities. This case, because there are many phenomenons that experienced to the people, which those are necessary to be known and to be reported. Such as, an outbreak of disease, flood and conflict. Those condition very essential because refer to sustainable people's lives. If, the ordinary people don't be reported may can increase the nation's problem. However, general people important to be known, there are other sectors that also important such as actors.  
  
On the other hand, there are advantage side of news about artists. They bring positive effects such as they may become a role mode for the citizens, because they affect to people's life by their appearance on TV or films. For example, the actor can attract many people by their talent. So the citizens will follow what they say. In this case, there is an opportunity to change people to be better the future life. For example we can persuade film player as ambassador of environment. So if they safe clean and aware to around area. The people will take action same like them.  
  
At the end, I believe that news about citizens is very necessary to be known, the news can raise sustainable people's life. But also, they have to concert with other sector like an actor, which they can be role mode to change our behavior, so think we have to sort the news especially that important and sustainable to our need.
~~He famous~~**Famous**people such as **entertainment workers** entertainer and sport ...  
... know other side of ~~live~~**life** that need more ...  
I totally agree that ~~inhabitant people~~infamous people is necessary to be ~~blew~~blown up.  
  
Well ba'da, i have some corrections for you.  
  
1. He + Famous ---> Pronoun + Adjective ???? It can't be like that. It must Subject/Pronoun + Verb.  
2. Entertainment workers : I think it has very wide meaning. It can means the cameraman, reporter, etc. So, i recommend to change into entertainer that have closer meaning to an artist.  
  
3. Live : tinggal // Life : Kehidupan. So, what's the most appropriate?  
4. inhabitant people : Inhabitants already means people, so why you write it together?  
5. blow --> blew ---> blown. For negative, use Verb 3  
  
Those condition very essential because **it** refer to ...  
  
6. Because + subject / pronoun + verb ===> Because it refer  
  
If, the ordinary people don't be reported**, it** may can increase ...  
However, **although** general people important ...  
  
7. it may can ---> subject + may + can + verb  
8. However, although ---> Refer to contradict, because you have two sentence that combine into one sentence. So, you must add although \*let's translate it to make easier to understand :  
  
Namun demikian, orang biasa penting, untuk diketahui, ada sektor lain yang penting seperti aktor  
  
BANDINGKAN!  
  
Namun demikian, walaupun orang biasa penting untuk diketahui, ada sektor lain yang penting seperti aktor.  
  
However, general people important to be known, there are other sectors that also important such as actors. (LAST SENTENCE 3RD PARAGRAPH)  
  
On the other hand, there are ~~advantage side~~many advantages of news about artists. (FIRST SENTENCE FOURTH PARAGRAPH)  
  
9. Repetition. You have the same aim for those sentence. I recommend for erasing the last sentence in 3rd paragraph.  
  
10. advantage side ---> Noun + Noun . It's wrong. Side must be followed by adjective such as : Positive sides, negative sides, etc. Advantages already have meaning positive side, so, you not allowed to combine advantage side.  
  
... they may become a role ~~mode~~model for the citizens, because ...  
  
11. model not mode  
For example, the actor can ~~attract~~attracts many people by their talent.  
  
12. actor ---> singular, must be followed by verb s ---> attracts  
  
So **if** they ~~safe clean~~keep cleanness and aware to ~~around area~~the surroundings . The people will take ~~action same~~ same action like them.  
  
13. If they...... ???? ---> Jika mereka menjaga kebersihan dan peduli sekitar ? terus maka apa ??? STICK TO THE ENGLISH PLEASE  
  
14. safe clean ---> adjective + adjective ??? I recommend to change into keep cleanness ( Verb + noun)  
  
15. around area ??? ---> it's true but unusual. So change into surroundings.  
  
16. action same ??? ---> same action. It is reversed.
Nowadays, there are more and more people usually use the Internet to communicate, so it have changed our lives a lot. However, it is not at all certain that this make our social lives worse as a result. In many ways, there are some good aspects as well.  
  
Long time ago, people communicated with friends via telephone, fax or letter. And also they used to visited their friends or relatives as long as they had time. And nowadays, people usually use Internet communicate. for instant, when someone's birthday, everyone came together and celebrated his or her birthday. They felt closer. Unlike modern people, they usually send greetings through social networking sites such as Facebook, Twitter, Gmail.....In my opinion, this is meaningless. Although they have lots at birthday greetings, but they still feel lonely. Moreover, when the social networking sites were developed, people were less interested in each other, they always hold the cellphone in hand, and immersed in a virtual world.  
  
However, the advent of internet also helps our life better. We have more friends, can know what are they thinking, how they look, what are they doing and the changes of the world. The communication becomes easier and more convenience than ever. People can study, run business, meet their friends without leaving home. As a result, our social relationship is extended.  
  
On the other hand, the modern life makes people too busy. They don't have enough time to care about everything around. They are rushing to do their job, so people no longer see each other much anymore. That's why we should not blame modern forms of communication for decreasing the time people spend seeing their friends.  
  
In conclusion as far as I concerned, people feel happier now, modern communication has improved our social life. However, we need to make sure that we should not be addicted to the social networking sites.
Hello, i will give you suggestion:  
  
And nowadays , people usually use Internet ...  
Because in the first paragraph, you was used Nowadays, to avoid repitition, you can change this world become " in the present"  
Moreover, when the social networking sites ...  
It will goo if you say like this:  
Moreover, The development of social networking was made people less communication with others. They just hold their mobile phone and immersed in a virtual world.
**Writing Task 2**  
**The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationship of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead.**  
  
**To what extend do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Today, the news program are more variety. The people can enjoy some alternative topics not only about entertainment of celebrities but also about inspiring stories of ordinary people. I tend to agree with the statements which the ordinary people important to report as well as public figures. Because I think the ordinary people also can inspire others with share their live stories to wide people by mass-media.  
  
In my opinion, TV programs which showing about celebrities live in a long day can make watcher are tedious. So, the people should receive new program such us reality show of ordinary people which have achievement or positive values to be shared. Therefore, the author of mass-media or the producer of TV's program should give more attention to ordinary people who can encourage other people. For instance, the live story of someone who can give better solutions towards environment or human life difficulties like. As example, Dr. Gamal Albinsaid as a young doctor who success with his action in build rubbish bank for create an insurance as the solution of poverty in around of his living place in Malang, East Java. In addition, by overseeing the examples of other actions, the viewer can be wiser and learn new positive side of other people lives. However, the celebrities also important to reports but not all of their lifestyle, presumably author or producer should report only things that appropriate for wide public consumption and certainly have positive impact to viewer.  
  
In other sides, there are some celebrities who have multitalented and great achievements not only in their career on entertainment but also in their academic or job side. Some of them are Tasya Kamila, Cinta Laura, Maudy Ayunda and Vidy Aldiano. They are not only have many talents in singing, acting or presenting but also can prove their self can be motivated to young generation for reach higher education in abroad by get scholarship with they own effort or without use their popularity. Some stories like these, I think important for being public consumption. So, young people can more inspiring and burning them with higher motivations and dream to be success people in the future.  
  
In conclusion, as long as the author of mass-media or program creator on television selecting with their news contents or just covers the ordinary people or celebrities who have positive accomplishment is better than if they creates an issue of celebrities just for entertaining people.  
  
(405 words)
The isolated natural places are attracted scientists and travelers currently. While I accept that there are some advantages of this trend, I believe that its disadvantages are more significant.  
  
On the one hand, traveling in the remote natural environments is beneficial in some ways. These places have a great value of source information about natural resources. It is undeniable that a variety of animals and plants that are latent extinction risk, have discovered by scientists in these areas. As a resulted, scientists and authorities will have measures and projects together in order to protect these such as set up protected areas. Additionally, the isolated places are often attracted visitors who want to experience challenges. An example of this idea is a popular destination namely Son Dong cave in Vietnam, where any travelers try to register successfully as a member in this tour.  
  
On the other hand, I would argue that these drawbacks are outweighed by the benefits. Firstly, visiting to remote natural environments can bring much of high risks. There are several hazards can be threatened these individuals. For instance, it is obviously dangerous for people if they can be attackable by several poisoning animals such as snakes, spiders in these places. Secondly, the accessing of these people have increasingly damaged in the ecology-environment system. Much of individuals try to exploit natural resource by logging timber, collecting wild animals, non-timber product forest in these areas. Therefore, the natural resources will be dwindling shortly in near future.  
  
In conclusion, it seems to me that the drawbacks of visiting in isolated natural areas are more significant the possible benefits.  
 (268 words)
The isolated natural places are ...  
**(your introductory paragraph seem unclear. you have to choose your position as a writer and please the concrete disadvantages of the problem so that your position can be clear)**  
  
~~On the one hand~~**I believe / I would argue that / Nowadays** traveling in the remote ...  
  
In conclusion, it seems to me that the drawbacks ...  
**(to write the conclusion, i suggest you to make a paraphrase the overview of yours from the fist paragraph and you can put an emphasize sentence from the body paragraph, it will boost your writing)**
**Some people believe that there should be a fixed punishment for each type of crime. Others, however,...**  
  
Nowadays, there is a controversial issue about whether it is necessary to have a fixed punishment for offenders. From my own perspective, it would depend on the situation and motivation.  
  
Some people advocate that it is fair and justified of having fixed punishments. For example, people are likely to be accused by the same crime, but they are determined into different punishments, and it would be judged by criticism. Moreover, if the criminal act should be determined under some conditions and individual circumstance, it may probably depend on the judge's subjective feeling. There is no doubt true that the judge's subjective feeling may influence by some personal emotion such as, racial prejudice and sex discrimination. Therefore, it may cause unfair judgement for criminals.  
  
From my point of view, although fixed punishment can be more fair and less criticised, I believe that we should understand the reason and motivation behind the crime because of our humane society. For instance, there is a common case that a woman may be abused by her alcoholic husband in a long time, she may murder her husband in a fight, and I believe that it is deserved to be realised and understand by the public.  
  
In conclusion, people have different views about fixed punishment, some people advocate that fixed punishment is fair to everyone, while I believe that it is important to have a humanity society.