dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***Some people say that the clothes people wear are the most important indication of what they are like. Others, however, say that people should not be judged by the clothes they wear***  
  
Fashion is one of the trends more and more developed. Therefore, some people can clearly notice someone by their clothing and they think every person can be judged according to what they wear. Others, however, are more likely to against this notion because clothing cannot depict someone precisely. In my view, people might stand out thanks to their clothes, yet we could not notice them in real.  
  
Regarding to someone's clothes, people in common will conveniently notice others by looking at their shirt owing to their culture and habit occurring in their country. Taking an example, in my country, people will be respected if they wear white clothes, whereas people with dirty dress will be degraded. Moreover, the first appearance to indicate people is how they wear and how their clothes look like.  
  
On another perspective, some people do not look at what people wear. This is because they prefer seeing their attitude and work. For instance, Mr. Mark Zuckerberg, CEO Facebook, said casual clothes cannot be indicated as poor person or people without job, because clothing is our passion whether others think it is bad or not. Another example, in my hometown, there is a company whose name PT. Sosro. The management allow their staff to wear what they comfortably wear such as T-shirt or other clothes. They prefer caring staff's progress rather than their appearance.  
  
To sum up, although clothing can influence people's perspective to others, the main crucial factor is how to wear suitably according to our passion.  
  
**(251 words)**
***The charts below show the results of surveys in 2005 and 2009 asking workers about their relationships with their supervisors and their co-workers.***  
  
The pie charts compare workers' relationship with supervisor and co-workers in two-year period (2005 and 2009) according to result of surveys. Overall, it can be seen that relationship between employees and supervisor and their colleagues in 2009 was better than in 2005.  
  
To begin with, workers having very good relationship with their supervisor saw a four-percent increase from 2005 to 2009. In contrast, in the same period, employees who have good and fair relationship experienced a slight drop by 6 percent and 2 percent respectively. Interestingly, there were 2% of employees having poor relationship with their supervisor each year. Also, in 2009 5 percent of workers had no supervisor, compared to 2005 which saw one percent no supervisor and two percent no answer.  
  
On the other hand, both in 2005 and in 2009, majority of workers had no problem with their colleagues. It is proven with 63 % very good in 2005 and 70% very good in 2009. Also, in 2009, no worker had poor relationship with each other, compared to in 2005 with 1 percent workers having poor relationship.  
  
**(180 words)**  
  
*   
*survey*
***Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child's development while others think that it is important for children to go to school.  
  
Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion.***  
  
Teaching and learning process at home has existed for centuries. Some wealthy families with highly educated decide to teach their children at home or hire teachers while the other parents prefer to send their children studying at school. Even though there is different opinion about this view, I believe that both the choices have their own benefits.  
  
Giving education to children at home would be more effective if parents prepare well about the method utilized or hire the teachers from reputable homeschooling institution. Children taught at home with acceptable method would be more focus on the subjects so that they are able to understand them well. In addition, they also can develop their passion in particular subject that they choose to support their future career.  
  
The improvement of social skill is one of the most advantages of children studying at school. Children will develop social skills when they are at school by interacting with their teachers and peers. In the school, they will meet their friends from various backgrounds whether from rich or poor family and characters so that they are able to learn how to solve if they meet the problems and knowing each other. Furthermore, school environment is full of competition in order to gain popularity which will impact on students being more competent and strong to face future life in the society.  
  
In conclusion, teaching the children whether at home or in the school has benefits for their future life, but in fact the advantages studying in the school outweigh studying at home.
**In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?**  
  
Nowadays, education tends to be a pivotal key to get better life. Some teenagers are pushed to study hard either at school or home which kills most of their leisure time. Therefore, I believe there are some viable solutions to overcome this problem.  
  
I would argue that there are two main problems which cause young people find themselves with little leisure activities. Firstly, parental influence shapes his or her children's career in the future. This is because every parents wants to see their children to have high performance on their academic which can help them getting a successful career. This means that parents will exert pressure on their children to spend more time for studying. For instance, many students in my country, take a lot of additional private schools after attending their study at state school. Secondly, the higher educational system will be another cause as many young people compete to get higher education in prestigious universities. Every year, there are a lot of entrance exams to enter universities in Indonesia where many teenagers should have a competitive cognitive to obtain their universities. As a result, those problems contribute to give much pressure on teenagers since they should spend their leisure time to work hard in their studies.  
  
To tackle those problems, parents, schools, and government should take their own role and work together. Parents should give more their time to create intensive communication with their children in order to know what children need. Moreover, schools should inform that giving high pressure on children can lead to depression, anxiety, and stress. By doing this, parents will know the effect of the pressure they put on their children. On the other hand, the government should invest to build more universities with high quality, so teenagers have high chance entering the universities.  
  
In conclusion, all stakeholders should know that giving much pressure on children will increase their level of stress which can cause their health hampered. So, giving more balanced lives with a reasonable amount of leisure time is the best way to improve children's potential. (344 words)
**In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?**  
  
Answer :  
  
In several nations, the young ages do not have much pastime to do other activities except study. Moreover, the students who only give more focus on learning activity get under pressure which is believed to affect bad impact for them. There are several causes for these phenomena, but also a number of measures we can take which I will outline now.  
  
In my point of view, the main cause is probably the student's high obsession. It is common condition since for some students have a high tendency to compete with their friends to reach high level and score in the school. It is likely called as self's pride when they can be the best among others. Furthermore, related to aforementioned factor, parents take a control of their children include forcing them to learn very diligently. As the effect, their children have to involve to their parents' obsession as well.  
  
As a matter of fact, there are various steps that can be taken to solve the problem. Actually, there is no wrong with an obsession, but usually by having too high obsession, it causes uncontrolled self. Because of that, the children have to control their obsession by understanding that they need to freeze up their mind and give portion for their brain and body. Moreover, parents have to realize that getting a lot of pressure affects bad impact for their children's health. In the event that both parents and children cooperate in managing time to study, it will probably help them to control their obsession and good for their health.  
  
To sum up, we can say that high personal obsession and parent's pressure are the keys causes behind these trend. However, it can be solve by cooperating both of them in understanding impact of too high obsession and a lot of pressure. Managing time to study is the important way to tackle that condition as well.
***In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies. What do you think are the causes of this?What solutions can you suggest?***  
  
In recent years, young people spare much time to work hard in their studies. Sometimes, they are lack of relax. Moreover, school tasks bring them under a lot of pressure. I believe that it is caused by parental influence and competition among universities. This essay will give what the causes and some solutions should be taken to tackle this problem.  
  
To begin with, every parent wants better education for their children. This parental desire brings immense pressure of children. For example, some certainly drive their children to school in prestigous high school. They also tend to spend much money to take several courses which are relevant to study their children. Another example, university competition forces young people to work hard in their studies. Several universities have to compete with another university. So that, they have high standard in terms of recruitment . It makes young people have to achieve score which is required  
  
Nevertheless, some solutions are expected to solve this problem. Parents should let their children to opt school which according to desire and ability. Parent also should not force children to take some courses which spend much time. Goverment also has responsible of this case. Goverment should enhance number of universities. So, students have a lot of options to select the university. As the result, young people can spare time to play with their peers.  
  
In conclusion, it seems to me that there is always solution to overcome the problem. I do believe that parent and goverment have importance rule of this case.
Hi @delvis92,  
  
Here some corrections on your essay:  
  
1. ... with another university~~. So that,~~so that they have high ...  
2. ~~Goverment~~The government also has responsible of this case~~. Goverment~~and should enhance ...  
3. I do believe that parent and ~~goverment~~government have ...  
4. In conclusion, it seems ~~to me~~ that there is ...  
  
Hope those corrections are useful :)
*Writing Task 1, Unit 5D, Page 35  
**Air leaks and heat loss in houses  
The diagram shows how heat is lost and energy wasted in a house because of air getting into and out of the house.***  
  
The scheme informs the circulation of air and how the house loses their heat temperature because of the flow of air. Overall, the air located at near heat source goes out faster while the air located at colder room goes into the house.  
  
It can be seen that the source of heat forces the air to move out from the house, such as fireplace, and lamp. Living room is the warmest area in the house because of the fireplace located at the room. So that the intensity of air leaking into and out of the area is the highest than the other rooms. The fan also contributes to move the air circulation in the room and move out the air such as bathroom fan vent, attic hatch, and kitchen fan vent. Some invisible holes also give the impact as the source of the air leaking to the house such as the hole of door, window, electrical outlet, crawl space, kitchen for vent, and dryer vent.  
  
(165 Words)  
  
*
1st paragraph:  
- The scheme informs the ~~circulation of air~~air circulation and how ~~the house loses their~~heat temperature is lost from the house because of the ~~flow of air~~air leaks .  
  
- Overall, it can be seen that / it is noticeable that / the most significant fact to emerge is that(pick one of them) the air that is located ~~at~~ near heat source goes out faster while the air which is located ~~at~~in colder room ~~goes~~wafts into the house.  
  
- *Where's the third sentence? Keep in mind that each paragraph of your essay needs to have at least 3 sentences in each before it can even be considered acceptable by the examiner. The idea is to have you present a complete thought and understanding of all the aspects of the chart you were provided. By limiting yourself to only 2 sentences per paragraph, you fail to display your ability to express yourself in the English language, which is a major component of the scoring system.*  
  
2nd paragraph:  
- ~~It can be seen that~~(this phrase should be in the introduction paragraph(overview))To begin with, the source of heat forces....  
- ... because of the fireplace that is located ~~at~~in the room.  
- ~~So that~~Thus , the intensity of air (...) area is the highest ~~than the~~among other rooms.  
- The fan also contributes ~~to move the air~~in making the air circulate~~circulation~~ in the room and move out the air **such as bathroom fan vent, attic hatch, and kitchen fan vent.**(This examples are quite confusing and I think the meaning is not connected with the sentence itself. This can possibly affect coherence and cohesion score.)  
  
There you have it Ivan, I hope you can gain some improvements in the next practices :)
The line graph illustrates the percentages of four different age groups attending Australia's cinema at least annually. The time began with 1990 till now, with predictions to 2010.  
  
It is clearly that the age of 14-24 year olds group has the highest percentage than other three groups. It reached 95% at 1990 then dropped 5% and kept remaining stable for a while. It is predicted that in the future, the percentage will go upward from 2008. As to the groups of 35-49 years old and elderly age, the percentage of attending cinema increased gradually. The age of 50+ year olds' percentage started with 40% and slightly fluctuated from 1994 to 2000. The percentage will rise gradually from now on. As to the middle age began with 60% and remained stabilized over a period. It is anticipated that the percentage will increase rapidly from 2002.  
  
The percentage of 25-34 year olds' group is adverse to three other groups. The group started with 60% and showed dramatic uplift that reached the highest 80% at the year of 2000. The percentage forecasted will stay unchanged for a while and will plummet sharply till 2010.  
  
Overall, youngsters have the highest percentage in attending Cinema in Australia. Surprisingly, the group of 25-34 year olds' group become rarely into watching movie in Cinema anymore.  
  
*
Hello! I will give you some opinions about your essay.  
  
(1) ... the percentage~~s~~ of four different age groups **who** attend~~ing~~**to** Australia's cinema ~~at least annually~~  
(2) The time began ~~with~~**from** 1990 ~~till~~**to**~~now~~**recent time**, with prediction~~s~~ to 2010.  
(3) It ~~is~~**was** clearly that **people at** the age of 14-24 ~~year olds group has~~**have** the highest percentage ...  
(4) It reached **at** 95% ~~at~~**in** 1990 then dropped **by** 5% and kept ...  
(5) It ~~is~~**was** predicted that (...), the percentage ~~will go~~**went** upward from 2008 **to ...**  
(6) As to the groups of 35-49 years old and elderly age, the percentage ...  
***People aged 35 - 49 or people in the 35 - 49 age group ...***  
(7) The age of 50+ year olds' percentage started with ...  
***People over 50 years of age, ....***
@septiadara29  
Thanks for correcting my essay:D, can I ask you some questions(grammar that I don't understand) about my essay, and please explain it to me?  
  
(1)why can't I write "who attending to", why "who attend to" is correct?  
(5)It was predicted that (...), the percentage went upward from 2008 to ... : why I have to use past tense, I thought after year 2000, the figures in line graph indicate the future, so I use simple tense and future tense
**The charts below show the results of surveys in 2005 and 2009 asking workers about their relationship with their supervisors and their co-workers**  
  
The pie charts show the information about the percentage of employee relationship with their boss and peers at the office between 2005 and 2009. Overall, it can be seen that the most of relationship between workers and their supervisor and colleagues were very good in both years.  
  
Meanwhile, people who work without have any partners were the least during this period.  
  
The workers who have very good relationship with their supervisor stood at 61% in 2005. There was a slight increase by 4% in 2009. In contrast, poor category had small proportion only 2% in both years. In 2005, there were 2% of workers who did not answer about their relationship with their boss and it disappeared in 2009.  
  
The relationship with their peers in category very good in 2005 and 2009 were the highest proportion, 63% and 70% respectively. While, there was 1% poor relationship with co-workers only in 2005. There had been a decrease between 2005 and 2009 in good category, from 28% to 25% while fair category fell of 4% to 3% in 2009.  
  
*
Hello miss maireza.  
this is my suggestion.  
1. don't forget. number up to ten --> write as words [two, four, nine]  
number over ten --> write as pictures [2009, 100, 17]  
  
e.g.: ... by four percent in 2009. ... only two percent in both years. In 2005, there were two percent of workers ...  
e.g.: While, there was one percent poor relationship ...  
e.g.: ... fell of four to three ...  
  
2. to avid repetition, you can use other words that have same meaning  
there are more than three time you mentioned "worker"  
worker---> you can change--> employee/ staff member/  
co-worker---> colleague  
overall you have good essay. good luck
**Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements.  
  
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.**  
  
In the field of education, it is true that the question of whether to reward students with excellent academic results or those who showing great improvements remains a source of controversy. While some people believe that only students achieving high prizes should be awarded, I argue that these awards should be given for their efforts is much more reasonable.  
  
On the one hand, there is a variety of reasons why many people encourage to reward students having good academic results. Firstly, awards could make a more competitive learning environment. The harder children try , the higher scores they would get at school. Secondly, by the way rewarding for excellent results, the best students would be identified for promotion. These students can be given more special observations to develop their abilities. For instances, many high schools in Viet Nam have scholarships or awards for the students having best results and train them for national competitions.  
  
On the other hand, I believe that rewards should be given for those who make advance in their studies. One reason is that this could make an equal chance for all students. In some cases, some students feel disappointed since their classmates having the highest achievements are more appreciated. If we reward for those who make great efforts, they will have encouragements in learning. Moreover, by this way, children would be interested in studying and reduce exam pressures. There are many students gain high marks to be awarded without understanding and enjoyment. Rewarding is a useful key if it makes our students have the motivation to try harder in enhancing their knowledge and improving their levels of academic performances.  
  
In conclusion, although rewarding the best students has some throwbacks to some extent, it seems to me that it is better to give rewarding to those who have improved their level in learning processes.
Hi Truong, here I have some suggestions for your writing  
  
On the one hand, there ~~is a~~some variet~~y~~ies of reasons why many ...  
  
If we reward ~~for those~~them who make great ...  
... interested in studying and reduc~~e~~ing exam pressures.  
Rewarding is a useful key ~~if it~~in order to make~~s~~ our students have ...
**Some people say that the clothes people wear are the most important indication of what they are like. Others, however, say that people should not be judged by the clothes they wear**  
  
Nowadays, most of people respect to the people about kind of clothes that they use and it becomes the essential indication that what they keen on in group society. But, some people argue that do not give conclusion to someone with what they are use. Personally, I believe that sometimes, people use a garment because of several conditions that should they to use it.  
  
In fashionable era, most of people like to wear fashionable clothes and they argue that it becomes one essential symbol what they are interest in life. For instance, young adults enjoy with style of Korea's celebrity. As a result, they will buying several garments same with the actress and they wear to go to campus every single day. In fact, other people can give opinion that they are very attracted with Korea's style.  
  
Besides that, society saying that do not look someone from what they are wear. Because, possible that they have several reasons about why they use it. Firstly, someone always wear the jumper. It is not means that they like use jumper, may be they have a disease such as allergic with cold temperature and it makes they must using jumper during winter. Secondly, they do not have much money to buy new fashion items because financial factor or they do not buy until they really need the clothes. As a result, they must wear old-fashions.  
  
All in all, there are several situations why people use clothes. It can be reason to know what they fascinate in life. But it is not the most imperative indication because in the same case some people wear the dress because demand of life. In my opinion, we use garment because it has functional value for our body. For instance, I wear long dresses because I want to protect my body from a sun in day.
Hi wilyaftika23,  
  
This is my notes for your first and second paragraph:  
  
- ... the essential indication that what they keen on in group society ---> when you use "keen on", you should put to be after subject.  
  
- ... conditions that should ~~they to~~use~~it.~~ ---> you should utilize "be+verb 3"  
  
-In fashionable era, most of people like to ... ---> it is colocation word, you could utilize "In globalization era, In this modern era".  
  
- that they are very attracted with Korea's style. ---> Korean's style  
  
Keep writing!
Hi Wilyaftika. here I have some suggestions for your writing  
  
Nowadays, most of the people respect to the people ~~about~~because of kind of clothes ...  
... that do not give a conclusion to someone ~~with~~by what they ~~are~~ use.  
... several conditions that ~~should they to use it.~~require them to use it  
  
As a result, they will buy~~ing~~ several garments that same ~~with~~as the actress and they wear those~~to~~when go to campus every ...