dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Your first sentence is not in accordance with the original topic provided. There is no reference to a global citizen. nor is there a implication of "imperative boost in social flourish". Where did you get the idea to use such an alternative discussion topic? This creates a severe topic deviation that shows you did not fully understand the original prompt topic. I understand that you were trying to boost your LR score, but you have to do so without altering the original thought presentation. Stick only to the facts provided or risk getting TA score deductions. Why are you using measured references for the opinions presented? You are severely altering the original prompt to the point where your response is risking becoming non-prompt compliant. Which could lead to a failing score in the presentation. Just stick to the basic facts and stop exaggerating. That is one of the major dislikes of examiners that can affect your final overall score.  
  
You have provided your personal opinion in both reasoning paragraphs. You have not, as per the prompt requirements, explained the reason behind the public support for each point of view before you gave an explanation of your opinion. The discussions, as you present them to the reader, due to the lack of pronoun usage, does not clarify if these are public opinion explanations or personal opinion explanations. The use of the pronouns are needed, in the third person, to address the 3 point of view discussion paragraphs.
**Question:**  
## It is more important for school children to learn about local history than world history.

  
***To what extent do you agree or disagree?***  
  
Building an efficient study program is always a challenging issue. For the history subject, someone states that local history is more vital than world history. I partly agree with this opinion due to the following reasons.  
  
On the one hand, studying local history events can help children to understand how their resident place is built and grown, such knowledge makes them love and contributes to their regions. Some children feel very proud of their local heritages after knowing extremely brave wars to protect the region of ancient people. In addition, many children recognize their responsibility to keep and preserve local heritages after local history lessons. For example, they participate in activities to clean the environment around heritage places. Some others play as a volunteer tour guide to lead tourists in order to avoid destroying heritages.  
  
On the other hand, local history is often related to global history. Without studying world history might make students have a narrow view or difficulties to understand local phenomenons. For example, children feel difficult to understand why Quebecers speak French if they do not study the world story related to a beautiful period of French. In addition, world history contains a huge knowledge compared to local history. When learning about world history, a child can study not only historical events but also other aspects such as the climate in the world or theories about marketing or wars. Such useful knowledge might be too difficult to be found in local history.  
  
In conclusion, local history is important for children to know about their resident region. However, we should not mitigate the vitality of world history to educate less in school. Instead, children should be encouraged to study in both local and world history.
I partly agree with this opinion due to the following reasons.  
- Good measured response, lacking a clear thesis presentation though. Rather than "the following reasons", providing 2 topic sentences to show the upcoming flow of discussion in the 2 reasoning paragraphs would have created a clearer preliminary explanation and stronger opinion statement.  
  
I realize that some teachers prefer to have students use memorized phrases to help them write their sentences more easily. However, these useless phrases (On the one hand, on the other hand, In conclusion) do not help to increase any part of your scoring requirements. Which is why a new presentation of the topic sentences, or proper sentence introductions to the topic of the paragraph will always help you score better. Clarity is always better in any part of the essay presentation. That is something you cannot achieve by using memorized phrases.  
  
You forgot to reiterate your opinion in the concluding statement. You could have used that reiteration to effective close the paragraph rather than using the memorized phrase, "In conclusion". You could have instead said something like:  
  
*These are the reasons why I can only partly agree with the idea that...*  
  
The examiner will know that it is a reference indicative of a concluding summary. Why? The total paragraph will repeat all the required information in short form. That, is all the concluding summary requires and that, is what he should read in the presentation.
This referring at a survey conducted by LinkedIn's ...  
-Linked in is not considered a proper academic, nor journalistic reference for any opinion or research paper. You need to use a more acceptable reference coming from verifiable and uneasily manipulated sources. LinkedIn is too open source for it to be an acceptable citation in your paper.  
  
A recent announcement  
- Indicate the date, time, location, and person who gave out the information. Otherwise the reference becomes questionable and unverified. It makes the paper contain questionable information rather than factual representations of researched data.  
  
The paper seems to be filled with more information from other sources and lacking in your analysis of the information. The presentation is only a little better than being a cut and paste of information compiled from various sources. In the sections where you do pose an explanation or opinion, it feels rushed, under developed, little analyzed, and mostly, just there to fill in the word requirement for the report. I know you can do a better job than this.
## life in urban places or in rural areas?

  
  
Some people belive that life in urban places plays an integral role in helping individuals to gain well-being health . While others belive that rural areas is more pleasant for healthy physicality than that in metropolis . From my perspective , both views are all great and i will further indicate in this essay.  
  
On the one hand, there are numerous reasons for why living environment will help urban dwellers have robust health. Firstly, it is really easy to find a large number of hospitals that have specialized medical practitioners, it is just only in municipality that have top-notch health facilities to be more favourable for preventive medicine and treating diseases. Finally, metropolitan areas have a large diversity of fitness centres that residents can easily have a regular check up with a view to improving their health. While, living conditions in rural places are so disadvantaged that they can satisfy inhabitant's standard of living.  
  
On the other hand, it is undeniable that physical health will be improved and if living environment is in backcountry. The first reason is: habitant in rural areas is fresher and more comfortable than that in urban areas, while, dwellers in metropolitan areas are covered the whole by air pollution, soil pollution, water pollution,... If civilians have still lived in urban areas for a long time, people would have had a host of negative impacts, especially in health. The second reason is: there is not many food stalls in countryside, so, this thing also incidentally helps individuals limit demerit eating habits in order to have a balanced diet and proper health.  
  
In conclusion, while the life of municipalities is thought that can help to cultivate health, I believe that it is also reasonable to live in rural areas for the purpose of promoting human's physical health
I cannot accurately assess your work for prompt adherence due to the missing prompt requirement. The prompt gives me the actual basis for reviewing your essay. There are several prompt related to this topic so, even though I have copies of those prompts, I cannot guess which one you are actually using. The advice I give is prompt dependent for accuracy. So I will just give you a general review in this case.  
  
Review your plural v. singular lessons. Areas is the plural form of area so you cannot say "areas is", you have to say "areas are" since are is the present indicative pronoun required in the sentence presentation. Memorized phrases such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" do not really help to advance your GRA score. These place holders should be replaced in your actual presentations by sentence topics instead, which helps to clearly inform the reader regarding the topic that will be discussed in the paragraph presentation.
Hello, I'm currently a high school student from Vietnam and I need some evaluation and advises for my IELTS Writing task 2 papers.  
I would very appreciate if anyone can help me out. Thanks a lot! ^^  
  
**Topic:  
*Figures show that some countries have an increasing proportion of the population who are aged 60 or older.*  
## What do you think the effects of this may be?**  
  
*My reponse:*  
As the figures have shown, some countries have an increasing proportion of the population that are aged over 60; and it can lead to a various number of effects and impacts, both positive and negative.  
  
These are many advantages when a country has a large number of old people. Since they have been living for a great period of time, they are knowledgeable, which can be a great source of knowledge which can be passed to the younger generation. Furthermore, they are experienced due to their long-life experiences, hence they can make many wise decisions from political, economic to agriculture.  
  
On the other hand, there is no concern that there are many negative impacts due to the great proportion of the population that belongs to older generation that a country has. First of all, the more aged people there are, the fewer youngsters a country will have. This will lead to lack of workers to produce in many careers, therefore there will be a shortage in products in a country, which will lead to higher product prices and increase poverty in a country. Secondly, the older generation, since they don't attend the production of a country, will be a burden for a country's economic since the government has to use their money to take care of them. This will lead to increasing tax and declination in welfare. Last but not least, population aging has been a problem that impact every sides of a country; and therefore, the country will have to rely on the small proportion of younger population. Let's take Japan as an example, this country has numerous aged people and despite their technological success, yet their economical rely on the small proportions of youngsters. This has led to stress and depression in younger generation, many even committed suicide.  
  
In conclusion, despite the undeniable positive effects, yet the negative impacts are too great to be left unconcerned. In a nutshell, an increasing proportion of the population will leave more cons than advs; therefore, a country should try their best to reach a balanced proportion between generations. (347 words)
When you say "As the figures show...", that means the reader will have access to an image that will prove your claim. However, there is no image supplied in a Task 2 essay. Therefore, your restatement of that section of the original prompt is incorrect. Rather than referring to an image, you should be referring to publicly known information for the restatement such as "Various countries show an increased population above the age of 60." While you can use the semicolon in this instance, the next string of thought is not related to the previous statement so it would be better to place a pause in that section using a period. Then stating the next topic for discussion. For that part, there is no need to refer to various number of deaths, just the positive and negative impacts of the age situation.  
  
I understand that you will take the CBT for this, which is why you are typing so many words. However, it would be better for the balanced presentation of your information to stick to the word range of 250-290 words. That is because, as i read your essay, it became clear to me that you are not focused on the coherence and cohesiveness of your explanation, upon which you are scored. You are only focused on the number of words, on which you are NOT scored. If your essay shows underdeveloped explanations due to the number of topics in a paragraph, but little developed explanations, you will find yourself scoring less rather than more in the TA and C&C sections.  
  
Now, I also know what you are studying from a book, which will teach you differently from the way I teach the self-study students here. I am not going to debate how the book teaches you how to write, what other websites say, or how your tutor teaches you. This is a one time review of this paper. If my advice is unacceptable or questionable to you, then please, feel free not to post in this forum anymore. Refer instead to your book and or your tutor.
@namphong020: In my opinion, your writing is good with a lot of vocabulary. However, there are some issues that you should consider:  
- First, you should shorten your essay since we only have 40 minutes. Your essay is a little bit long.  
- The second paragraph should be improved. I feel that it is not clear to support the main idea of this paragraph. In addition, I think that it is unbalanced between paragraphs 2 and 3. Maybe you have many ideas to write, however, we should precisely point out two of them to explain and discuss.  
  
- Some teachers said that we should not use "in a nutshell" in writing.
## Tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton

  
  
The line graph illustrates the figure for the visitors to England who visited four different Brighton attractions from 1980 to 2010.  
Overall, in most of the year, Pier was the least visited destination in Brighton throughout the period shown. Moreover, the number of tourists came to Art Gallery, Festival decreased, while there was a rising sharply for Pavilion and a slight increase for Pier.  
  
It can be seen from the graph that in 1980, the amount of people who came to Festival was highest, at about 30%, but its decreased slightly at 28% in 2010. The percentage of tourists visited Art Gallery and Pier in 1980 were lower, at around 21% and exactly 10% respectively. After many fluctuations, the number for visitors who visited Pier was approximately 22% on the graph in 2010, higher than the final figure for visitors who visited Art Gallery at 8%.  
  
There was a significant growth to around 49% in the proportion of people visited Pavilion in 1995. But this fell steadily to just over 30% in 2010.
## The use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction among many people in society

  
  
In the technology-driven world, conversations in person are gradually being replaced by internet communications through social apps such as Facebook, Snapchat..., which has become a controversial issue. Personally, I believe that the drawbacks these technologies have brought might overshadow their benefits.  
  
In terms of the advantages, social networking sites not only allow us to stay in touch with our loved ones, families and friends but also are places where people can connect and share common interests with anyone from all walks of life. Every day, the internet apps continue to provide new facilities that are immensely convenient with instant access to an endless supply of knowledge. It is undeniable that social media greatly contributes to life, especially in the Corona situation when people can work and study from home without being affected by viruses.  
  
Sadly enough, social media also reflects an uglier side of society through a number of problems that have shown up for its users. The overuse of these apps causes obesity, shortsightedness, and makes people addicted to their screens all day. Students are likely to neglect their studies due to the appearance of games online, advertisements or even pornographic, prurient, violent and inappropriate contents which exert devastating influences on their development. Moreover, research has shown that users seem to lose their ability to communicate face-to-face with others and even increasingly suffer from depression or xenophobia. Insecurity is also concerned owing to hackers and scammers trying to get money and private information from users.  
  
In view of what was mentioned above, social media exerts substantial influence nowadays, creates both pros and cons, but somehow the disadvantages win out.
You need to refer to the keyword from the original essay which is "outweigh". The missing synonym for this word is what makes your last sentence in the prompt restatement partially incorrect. It would have been better presented as "The drawbacks of these technologies eclipse / exceed / predominate / outbalance ( synonym words for outweigh) ...  
  
Your discussion does not provide evidence that would prove your opinion. This is a single opinion essay. So you cannot use the comparative discussion format. Since you say the negatives outweigh the positives, then you need to explain why this is so. There is no clear sense of a discussion that weighs consideration factors in the presentation. Just a continued discussion of a/d, which is different from the "outweigh" discussion.
hi guys! this is the first time i did a ielts writing task 2. can you help me correct my mistakes, give me some advices and guess my band! thank you so much!🥰  
  
## ielts writing task 2 about shopping online

  
  
***topic:do the advantages of shopping on the internet outweigh the dis advantages?***  
  
Nowadays, shopping online has been spread widely among all classes. Despite having its own downsides, the returns are highly justifiable.  
I reckon that making online purchases is beneficial in helping us save time. Truly, it shortens our time looking for the items. Also, we will have a more controlling view in order to choose the goods effectively. Shopping online is hassle-free. Customers can order what they feel compelled to buy by only "a click". We do not have to go to the market which is crowded with plenty of people. Especially in this covid19 pandemic, staying home becomes the countersign, will, goal toward which individuals are heading. Besides, more and more people shopping online means our society is evolved dramatically. Therefore, mankind is accessed to a brand new era which internet and technology dominates the world and they will be much more intellectual gradually.  
  
On the other hand, there are certain drawbacks people need to consider. First, shopping on the internet may be utilized to be a cheat by the greedy. You could not know what will be delivered to your home unless you ordered it on a noticeable prestigious website. Alongside it, not only the item's oversights but also the murder cases through online purchases now rise notoriously. Second, we may become any kind of inconvenience in paying for the bill. Some websites do not kit the customers out for paying cash (COD) or cost higher if you choose this type.  
  
In conclusion, shopping online's advantages outweigh the disadvantages finally in spite of its minimal flaws. People still acclaim making online purchases for the convenience and the saving of time it brings.
For band scoring, you will need to refer to our premium services where I will privately review and score your essay. Do not rely on scores provided by fellow students, should any of them try to do so (at the risk of account suspension) because they are not trained professionals who can accurately score your work based on specific criteria.  
  
Your first paragraph should be a clear representation or restatement of the original discussion. I do not see a reference to all of the keyword elements from the original. You have a single line representing the restatement that does not respond to the question provided nor do you offer a clear idea as to what the actual discussion will be covering. You have responded that there are downsides with justifiable returns. That is not the question being asked. The question is whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Your response is not in accordance with the discussion instructions. The response is therefore, in error and cannot receive a passing TA score based on the prompt requirements for that section. Add to that the other problems of the essay in thought clarity, grammar usage, among others, and you have a non-passing essay presentation. The overall thought process is also scattered, lacking in definite focus for the discussion. You are not on target with this written presentation.
***The use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction among many people in society.  
DO YOU THINK THE ADVANTAGES OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES?***  
  
It is an indisputable fact that in our modern life, the traditional way of communication with other people in person has been replaced with high-tech measures such as Zalo, Facebook. Although I admit there have been a few harmful effects of social media usage, I suppose the changes have been, by and large, beneficial.  
  
A very important advantage of technological methods to consider is that it has created greater opportunities for people who live in rural areas to receive appropriate healthcare services and education. Without a doubt, the use of social media helps these people not just to pursue their studies but also is one of the efficient measures helping doctors provide proper treatment to far-away patients. Furthermore, thanks to technological development, people nowadays do not have to take a long-distance way to go to work, instead of that, they can just simply turn on their computers and communicate with numerous clients and colleagues at home. A concrete example of this is because of the recent pandemic, lots of people have to stay at home and social media becomes an essential way to work and study all over the world.  
  
On the other hand, the use of social networks in an inappropriate way has caused a range of tremendous problems. First of all, modern teenagers tend to communicate by Facebook, Messenger and seem to forget how to speak to a real person in reality. As a result, they do not have opportunities to develop their social skills and lack confidence to speak in front of the crowd when needed. Another disadvantage is that working long hours with electronic devices could damage our vision permanently. Thankfully, there are still several means to tackle those harms, such as creating a routine that allows you to have a break during a long time of using computers so that you can spend more time with your friends and families.  
  
In conclusion, though there are some drawbacks, I strongly believe that the tendency to use social media as a primary measure to communicate generally brings more significant benefits than harms to every individual and community.