dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Okay.The writer was asked to provide an opinion + justification discussion in the presentation. This was achieved to a great degree by the writer. What was not required was a solution presentation in the summary conclusion. This is a prompt deviation that forced an open-ended discussion. The essay could recieve a failing score for 2 reasons in the end:  
  
- Lack of proper conclusion summary  
- Addition of an unrelated discussion in the concluding presentation  
  
The grammar of the student is not perfect, but neither is it confusing to read in it's imperfect manner. The examiner can pretty much figure out what the point of the statement is. I would advice the student to stop using idioms as he does this out of content (e.g. it could be a haunting memory for them when it is off the top of their head) . Additionally, ellipses (...) . are used mostly in creative writing. Avoid its use in an academic essay. Also, a comma and ellipses cannot be used simultaneously as each punctuation mark offers a different sentence meaning soit does not make sense to the reader when used successively in a sentence.
Hello,  
You may differ my opinion, but it seems that both your supporting paragraphs tend to lack strong support. The essay does mention that the depicted violence can basically have psychological influence on the viewers, but there is little essence in just stating that. In other words, it states "*These can happen.*" but not "*Why and how these can happen*". Reasons are not always necessarily required, but they are generally important in making an essay more persuasive and compelling. For instance, real life examples and humans' temperamental response to violence can be added.
***Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults.***  
  
## Discuss both views.

  
  
That children ought to be encouraged to raise the competition sense is often believed by some while others think that instead of competing, children should cooperate to be more helpful people when growing up. From my perspective, both arguments have validity but I would take a much favourable view of the latter.  
  
The sense of competition which is improved during the age of children could bring them some assets. Competition among children in an educational environment could make better progress in their academic record. When students in the same class compete together to get the first rank, the desire and motivation to obtain achievements could be easily enhanced. As a result, it makes children more dedicated to their work, which gradually creates the personality of a successful adult. Furthermore, a sense of self-awareness could be raised in children because, during competition, people could explore their strengths and improve their self-confidence.  
  
On the other hand, cooperation is considered to be more important than competition in children raising for some reasons. Because people could not survive without a community, cooperating among children could help build and strengthen the relationships with their friends and the people around them. Cooperation is also one of the most essential qualifications in teamwork activities. For example, when children participate in a football match which is a kind of collaborative sport, they could reinforce the relationship and unity among their team players, which enhances the skills of working colleagues and living in harmony in the society.  
  
Although competition and cooperation in children teaching are both important, they ought to be taught to work collaboratively. This is not only beneficial during childhood but also essential in building necessary skills for children to become helpful adults. In my opinion, both parents and educators should pay more attention to encourage children to cooperate.
Discuss both views AND give your personal opinion. The discuss both views aspect is separate from the personal opinion. The requirement for this analysis essay is a consideration of what makes both sides valid, based on a public perception. Public perceptions should be clearly discussed from an outsiders point of view through the use of proper third person pronouns. First explain why the public supports this opinion, then, using first person pronouns, offer an opinion based on a support or non-supporting explanation. The writer's opinion should only be created after careful consideration of both sides. There is a misconception that there is a right or wrong opinion to support in this presentation. That is incorrect. There is only the writer's opinion. Which is why it is best to offer an opinion for each public perspective, showing a non-bias discussion approach to both opinions.  
  
This presentation is based on discuss both views from the writer's perspective rather than the public opinion + personal opinion discussion format. Due to differeing response formats, the writer will not be able to get maximum scoring consideration.
## Today, TV channels provide men's sport shows more than women's sports shows. Why?

  
  
People have different opinions about the time of men's and women's sports broadcasts and whether TV channels should balance sport shows the time for both genders. This essay will give the pros and cons of this case.  
  
On the one hand, it is unnecessary to give equal time for sports programs between men and women. The first reason is men spend more time watching sports shows than women do. Women often use most of their free time for looking after their children and doing housework, so they do not have time to watch TV. Moreover, males are more likely to love sports than females. Women prefer watching game shows or shows about shopping or lifestyle to watching sports games. In addition, Tv channels believe that men's sports show provide a lot of money for them and give a higher rating.  
  
On the other hand, I think Tv providers should balance time for male' and female' sports shows. Nowadays, women become more and more modern, they need to have a healthy life. Therefore, having more sports shows is important to help them keep fit. For example, TV Channels can create yoga shows or some shows to help them do exercises. Having these shows, women can do exercises at home, they need not do to centers. This helps them have time to take care of their house and their kids as well. Furthermore, these useful shows can increase ratings and profit for TV channels.  
  
In shorts, it is significant for TV companies to equal sport shows the time of both men and women. In my point, promoting the field of women's exercises is so extremely necessary
The writer does not have an established response line for the questions provided. A discussion of pros and cons is not required for this discussion presentation. The writer should be focused on providing the topic responses to the questions, which will create the discussion outline for the 2 reasoning paragraphs.  
  
Using "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" for 2 non-connected discussion topics tends to confuse the reader. These filler phrases only serve to mislead the reader, who ends up confused reading the paragraphs, which are clearly not related to one another as the paragraphs respond to 2 different questions. Use topic sentences as the lead in for the paragraph to clearly inform the reader of the paragraph discussion content. This will help to increase the coherence and cohesiveness of both the individual and connected paragraphs. I must emphasize that in these types of discussions, a transition sentence at the end of the first reasoning paragraph will help to better connect the discussion topics and paragraphs.
## The number of passenger railway journeys

  
  
The given line graph illustrates how many passenger spent on railway trips made in the United Kingdom over a period of 55 years, starting from 1950.  
  
Overall, it is abvious that the number of passenger spent on railway journeys in all mentioned rail saw an upward trend over the period shown. Moreover, the figure for National rail network is highest.  
  
The number of passenger of National rail work decreaed gradually from 1000m to around 750m from 1950 to 1980. There was a slight fluctuation in the quantity of passenger used to take on London Underground from 1950 to 1980. A slight drop was seen in the number of passenger spent on Light Rail and Metro Systems from about 1963 to 1980.  
  
In addition, the number of passenger expended of the Naional rail work from 1980 to 2004/5 was a moderate growth from about 750m to 1100m. In terms of passenger, the London Underground witnessed a significant rocket from about 550m to almost 1000m from 1980 to 2004/05. It can be seen that the numeber of passenger who had used Light rail anđ Metro systems was gradually increase.  
  
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The overview presentation is misrepresenting the line graph. The graph represents the number of trips that passengers took. It is not representing the amount spent by the passengenrs. This type of error is enough to garner a failing score in an actual test. The writer clearly has English comprehension problems. He does not understand English. It appears that the writer made up the information for the summary overview because of weak English abilities. This error will create a failing score basis for the rest of the essay considerations.  
  
The writer needs to review his Singular V. Plural lessons. The references for the image are all in plural form, but he is using a singular form in the presentation, which will reflect badly on his GRA score. Then, there are spelling and word usage issues (abvious instead of obvious) which will also lead to lower LR scores. The writer has sentence structure problems. He has no control over his ability to write a coherent sentence or paragraph, and he has little to no understanding of English word usage as well.
## Studying with a group of students in a classroom is more beneficial than learning online at home

  
  
Nowadays, because of the advancement of technology, learning online has become popular in modern society. Many comparisons between the efficiency of studying in class and that of learning online have been evaluated. From my perspective, I completely believe that studying with a group directly is more beneficial than learning online remotely.  
  
On the one hand, discussing in a group helps students express their ideas. Every person has certain opinions given to debate, analyze, and summarize; therefore the answer to the question will be more perfect. In addition, teamwork is an indispensable skill for workers, so learning in a group can develop this ability for students and bring a lot of further advantages. Moreover, practicing in a group can expand student's relationship and improve communicating and analyzing skills. Last but not least, it is crucial for students to have friendships in childhood and that will be a great memory for them.  
  
On the other hand, although learning online at home solitarily can be necessary for students in particular situations such as the covid-19 pandemic. Maintaining this studying form can limit the important skills for pupils. More specifically, students usually concentrate on their own opinions when they study or work lonely, which can result in thwarting ideas development. Opposing with an argument in a team in class, learning online remotely inhibits communicating skills as well as the opportunities for making friendships. After all, students can be descended into passive statements that are negative influences for further development.  
  
In conclusion, constructing a teamwork model in educational curriculums is an integral part. Communicating and analyzing skills are extremely crucial for students. Even though the need of learning online is avoidable in several circumstances, this learning form should be limited when it is unnecessary.
This extent essay worked quite well in the beginning. Allowing the restatement to deliver a strong opinion basis and then, offering a belivable reason in support of group study. Both reasons show the merits of group study quite effectively. However, the student had an error in the use of comparative word fillers. Since both paragraphs supported the group study opinion, the writer should not be using the phrases "On the one hand" and "On the other hand". These references should not be used because the thought process it references are opposing ideas. There are no opposing ideas in the presentation. This is the reason why Word fillers should not be used in place of topic sentences at the start of any paragraph. By using topic sentences, the writer clearly indicates how the discussion will flow, and totally avoids any confusion in understanding the point of the paragraph.
## the annual number of rentals and sales

  
  
The given bar chart provides the sales and rentals volume of films in four different categories from 2002 and 2011.  
  
The main point that can be observed here is that the figures for rentals and DVD sales experienced a downward trend in the number of rentals over a given period. By contrast, the number of Dvd sales increased impressively between 2002 and 2007. After that, the figure remained at the top of the chart.  
  
Looking at the graph more closely, in 2002, the figure for rentals was the highest among the three categories at almost 180,000 followed by VHS sales, DVD sales at approximately 70,000, 40,000. There was a gradual fall of roughly 110,000 in 2011. It is worth pointing out that the sales volume of VHS went down steadily to 0.  
  
In opposition to the two figures, the number of DVD sales stood at 48,000 in 2002. The figure saw a dramatic increase from 2002 to 2007, reaching a peak of almost 210,000. There was a slight drop to around 180,000 by 2011. When it comes to Blu-ray sales, in 2007, the sales volume of Blu-ray sales was the lowest figure. However, the figure increased slightly between 2007 and 2011.  
  
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The writer created a confusing trending statement. He vcombined a reference to rentals and DVD sales, which are two different subjects and should have been presented in seperate sentences. Combined information can be only be used for similar references such as DVD and VHS sales. Why? Both relate to the sales of an item. Rental and Sales refer to two different client segments. As such, the interests are different and should be presented separately when analyzed in terms of figures.  
  
It is important that the writer does nto confuse the reader when he is making his presentation. He tends to get confused when discussing the representative measurements, making it difficult to understand the actual trend of the sentence or paragraphs. Practice writing individual thought sentences first. Disregard the length requirement of the exercise for now. Write in the long form of analysis first. Get used to seperate ideas, then slowly learn how to coherently combine sentence ideas to create cohesive sentence representations.
## nutrients in meals

  
  
The three charts below demonstrate the average proportions in typical meals of three different nutrients in the USA, all of which may be harmful to people if they had not controlled the amount they ate.  
  
Overall, it is obvious that the amount of sodium and saturated fat they consumed is highest at dinner. However, the food they have for breakfast contains the lowest figure of these nutrients  
  
Looking at the charts, sodium, and saturated fat food is used a lot at dinner. The average percentage of sodium at dinner is 43% and saturated fat is 37%, while added sugar at dinner has only 23%. The average proportion of the three types of nutrients at lunch is relatively high in comparison with breakfast, at about 29% of sodium, 26% of saturated fat, and 19% of added sugar.  
  
However, added sugar has a slight rate at snacks, more than 40% while sodium and saturated fat has only 14% and 21% respectively. In contrast, three kinds of nutrients occupied a low percentage at breakfast, less than 20% in three of them.
The report does not identify the image with specificity, leading to a confusing idea behind the actual image being presented. This general type of reference does not help to create an accurate summarized report. The type of image must be indicated to help the reader better imaging what sort of information is being presented and how. This is a short form of the report so the specifics in this portion are tremendously important. A clear reference to 3 image names and their reporting list is necessary.  
  
The reporting paragraphs are tremendously confusing because of the proper image identification and information separation. The essay does not deliver clear references to the reader. The run-on sentences do not help either and further fuel the confusing representation of the information provided in the images.
## cinema-goers in three different years

  
  
The bar chart compares the proportion of citizens from a European nation spending time at the cinemas during a week in 2003, 2005 and 2007..  
  
It is clear that Saturday was the most favoured day to go to the cinemas in three given years. The percentage of European people arriving to the cinemas on Friday and weekends were higher than that on the other days of the week in three periods 2003, 2005 and 2007.  
  
On the first four days of the week, the figure of cinema- goers in the three mentioned years experienced some fluctuations. In those four days, the percentage of citizens choosing to go to cinemas in that country had its peak at around 20% on Tuesday in three years, before witnessing a slight decrease on the next day by around 5% in 2003, 2005 and nearly 10% in 2007 respectively.  
  
On Friday, after increasing remarkably, the figure for cinema visitors in three years in that country stood at 30%. In particular, Saturday had the highest proportion of movie-goers in three years among other days at 40%, 45% and about 43 % in 2003, 2005 and 2007 respectively. were about 10% higher than that Sunday  
  
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The writer needs to learn to vary time references in relation to the 3 indicated years. His constant mention of the 3 years consistently in the essay creates reader fatigue. It also shows a limited vocabulary as the reference to the years from the image have no variations throughout the report. Some variations are:  
  
- Indicated years  
- corresponding year references  
- specified eras  
  
to name a few variations that would have limited the redundant reference presentations.  
  
The image measurements are compared based on 3 years, per day. That is not clearly referenced in the paragraphs. Consider using a more defined presentation next time. Clarity is after all, a major scoring consideration.
@janeee  
Hi. I'm on learning process as well for my writing. These some tips that I learn for writing;  
  
1. Summary the information, do not figure any detail, and do not concentrate to detail  
2. Find trends & key features  
3. Do not miss any significant data  
4. Group similar data together  
5. Use figures to support description  
  
If I was you, I would talk in second paragraph about the details of each year, how the percentage from Monday to Sunday. After that, I will compared it between years.
firstly, you should use more relative clause which makes your report more exciting  
for example  
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of citizens who spent time at ~~the~~ cinemas in Europe during a week ...  
  
secondly, you also could write some comparative sentences  
for example, *the figure for cinema visitors in three years in that country stood at 30%*  
-> **On Friday in 2003 had exactly the same percentage of cinema visitors as in 2005 and 2007, at 30%.**  
  
finally, you can use **approximately , nearly** to replace for *around or about.* this helps you not repeating words more times.
## In the past, people stored knowledge in books. Nowadays, people store knowledge on the Internet.

  
  
Thanks to the advancement of technology, the Internet become one of the main storage of knowledge instead of books. From my perspective, the drawbacks of this trend are much greater than benefits.  
  
On the bright side, storing knowledge on the Internet is advantageous. Firstly, the Internet allow people to access the knowledge more easily and effective. To meet the requirements of users, many platforms are created, which will be suitable with every groups of netizen. Therefore, the process of searching information is more efficient, time-saving and convenient with a couple of mouse clicks. Secondly, the Internet allow an unlimited space for knowledge storage. If storing knowledge in traditional way, we need to write it in books and then publicizes, which will consume a wide range of time to reach to readers. However, with the help of Internet storage, information is got access quickly by a portable electric device from everywhere around the world.  
  
On the other hand, this trend also leads to a wide range of disadvantage. The first merit is inaccurate information. Nowadays, there are many websites such as Wikipedia, google translate, etc., give users access authority, which help them change and upload new information on the web. Although the main purpose is expanding the source of knowledge, some people tend to change information in negative ways in order to take profit from it. This will result on the problem of verification and reliability. The second merit is copyright infringement problem. Some value sources like music, film and book which require fee are in danger of leaking by subtle tricks of hackers. This action paves the way a new type of crime that booming significantly in recent decade-Internet crime. These illegal activities contribute to an unstable society.  
  
In conclusion, although the Internet also bring some benefits to knowledge storage, the drawbacks of this trend is overweight. And I firmly believe that book still plays the most important role in storing information and knowledge.
The essay shall recieve a score reflective of a mostly incomplete discussion. Scores will be applied to the restatement + opinion, second reasoning paragraph, and conclusion summary. A score cannot be provided for the first reasoning paragraph because it is a counter opinion from the one provided in the thesis statement. The opinion essay clearly establishes its discussion profile, provide 2 supporting reasons for your opinion to gain full scoring considerations. Deliver a completely developed discussion via 2 cohesive discussion paragraphs. This essay failed to provide a fully supported discussion as it has a supporting paragraph for the opposing side. A discussion format used only for comparative discussion instructions.  
  
The writer also has several grammar issues that affect the final score. His use of a conjunction at the start of certain sentences would be seen as improper seeing as no connected prior discussion has been presented yet. He must do better next time, making sure to review conjunction usage rules for future reference.