dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Some people believe that corporations have a responsibility to promote the well-being of the societies and environments in which they operate. Others believe that the only responsibility of corporations, provided they operate within the law, is to make as much money as possible**  
  
## any benefits to a society from corporations?

  
  
Money is the primary goal of a corporation. Corporations contribute to society economically. However, in the changing times corporation has a responsibility towards society and environment apart from maximizing profits.  
  
Activities of a corporation have a direct impact on its stakeholders. Stakeholders include investors, employees, partners, government, community and environment. A corporation has a dual responsibility, to make profits and contribute to the development of society as a whole. Many corporations and manufacturing plants use hazardous chemicals for their processes. These toxic chemicals if not disposed properly contaminate both air and water. Water in streams gets contaminated due to run off. Polluted water can affect the local flora and fauna in addition to the dangers posed to the aquatic species. The chemicals like lithium and sulfur are known to inhibit the reproduction in some species thus making them endangered. The harmful gases which are generally the by -product of several chemical processes pollute the air. Use of Chlorofluorocarbons by corporations has lead to ozone hole and global warming. It has increased the risk of skin cancer and other respiratory diseases.  
  
Corporations have a responsibility towards the society and environment. The regulation and safety procedures have to be followed rigorously by them to reduce the harmful effects. This can be reiterated by examples such as gas spill in gulf by BP. It not only added costs to the corporation to cleanse and pay in fines but also affected the market shares. Similarly, plastics are often used for packaging by corporations are non-biodegradable and can be a threat to the environment. Minimizing the usage of such materials and promoting eco friendly materials will help a corporation in the long run. Compliance with the laws will provide an opportunity for the corporation in the long term by providing them tax breaks.  
  
Another reason corporations can be beneficial to the society is by creating better working conditions for the employees and support for a cause. By this means, the corporation can earn a good reputation, thus increasing the educated workforce and consumer base. Better health plans and policies will help build a motivated work force, which will increase the profits. Being a proponent for a cause or charity will help increase the customer base and loyalty of customers towards a corporation.
Payal, is this essay meant for a research paper or an IELTS Task 2 test? Somehow, the prompt you partially provided tells me this is for IELTS. If so, kindly provide the complete prompt requirement so that I will know what kind of discussion you are being asked to present. I need to know if this a personal opinion paper or a comparison paper with a personal opinion, or what. Overall, you present a solid discussion of the issue presented in as much as I can analyze your work. The presentation of the reason is correct and contains a progression in the discussion. I am not so worried about the way that you argued the prompt in as much as I am worried about whether the later prompt requirements were satisfied in the discussion. That is why I am asking for a copy of the prompt (if this is for IELTS). A more relevant analysis of your work can be done based upon the full prompt requirements. If this is based upon a research paper, I need your complete thesis statement instead so that I can point out the areas for improvement in your discussion.
## Why are some majors more valued over others?

 Different people pick different majors for different reasons, but within all those majors there hides a rarely spoken of hierarchy of acceptability. As someone who is currently majoring in mechanical engineering, I am near the top of this pyramid-shaped hierarchy, but for most of my life I dreamed of being a music educator, a profession which stands very much near the bottom of the pyramid. The liberal and performing arts teach lessons that cannot be learned in any way other than getting a liberal and performing arts education. Any form of art will teach lessons that one never thought needed to be learned. To recognize the beauty in life and in death, to find happiness in desperation and resentment, to plant bravery out of the fear in all of us, that is what art forces someone to learn.  
  
Why not place more value in developing and growing as people amongst people as opposed to festering a 'me against the world' complex? Why not place importance in flowing creativity? Why not compliment deep thought instead of monetary gain?  
  
Reading this article is not my first exposure to questioning why my mathematical side is more valued in society than my philosophical side, but it is my first time writing down my scattered thoughts on it. Already my own emotions are becoming clearer and I can say I understand myself better. The self-care intertwined with understanding the world better is deeply and unfortunately underestimated.  
  
There is a dire need for politicians who better understand the science of climate change and the long history of the Middle East, we need more policemen that can communicate sensitively when needed, more people that can understand ethical differences. In my opinion, those examples and more could all be realities achieved through more exposure to the liberal arts.
Please find my feedback:  
  
Different people pick different majors for different reasons, but within all those majors there hides a rarely spoken of hierarchy of acceptability . The use of word different makes this sentence looks redundant. Instead you can write people have varied reasons to opt for different majors  
  
*As someone who is currently majoring in mechanical engineering, I am near the top of this pyramid-shaped hierarchy*.. this pyramid?? is not clear. you have to explain that some majors are most opted for and some are least opted.  
  
*There is a dire need for politicians who better understand the science ...*  
I don't find a connect in the previous paragraphs and this one. It seems digressing. May be you can define the liberal arts and then focus on some of the points to make it look mre coherent  
  
Hope this helps!  
  
Payal
Daniela, I wish you had provided us with a link to the actual article that you read for the development of this response essay. It would have greatly aided in the review of your paper which, although not bad, isn't really as good in presentation as it could have been. Since this is a response to an article, there are some specific sets of information that should have been presented in your essay.  
  
First, the essay should have presented the name of the author, the title of the article, its publication date, and the publication itself. from there, a summary of the content of the article should have been mentioned in an effort to inform the reader about what the article discussion is about. Had you indicated the summary of the article in your first paragraph, I would not have found myself requesting for a link to the original article. I would already have known what the article is about.  
  
Second, you should have indicated some discussion points in your essay as based upon actual quotes from the original. Your response should be in relation to something that you either agree or disagree with in the work of the author. That way, your responses have a general purpose and direction as opposed to the current open writing version that is neither here nor there in discussion focus.  
  
Finally, your personal opinion to the overall article should have made the closing remarks more indicative of your overall response to the essay. Right now, the reader is not clear as to why you suddenly referred to the police situation in the Middle East. The reader is left wondering why you would opt to close your response on that note. There is no backgrounder in relation to the original article. That is necessary in order to help the reader understand the point of your whole discussion.
**The graph below gives information from a 2008 report about consumption of energy in the USA since 1980 with projections until 2030. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
## renewable and fossil energy usage comparison

  
  
Given is graph comparing several sources as energy consumption in US in 1980 and its forecasting in 2050. Eventhough renewable energy consumption was much lower than fossil energy, both of needs will be predicted to go up in the future except hydropower.  
  
In 1980, at 35 quadrillion units of energy was petrol and oil, growing exponetially and will be predicted to reach a peak in 2030 at approximately 45 quadrillion units, becoming the predominant energy source throughout the period. While natural gas need stood at 20 quadrillion units, US used 15 quadrillion units of coal to fulfill its need in the initial period. Surprisingly, coal consumption is likely to soar dramatically at near 30 quadrillion units rather than gas just less than 5 quadrillion unit increments in 2030.  
  
However, there will be no significant changes for renewable energy consumption in the future. Nuclear, solar/wind and hydropower contributed less than 5 quadrillion units for US's energy in 1980. Interestingly, in the future, while nuclear and solar/wind will be predicted to go up steadily at 5-6 quadrillion units, hydropower consumption will drop to a mere 4 quadrillion units, standing as the lowest energy consumption among other resources.  
  
*
Ayu, for this sort of predictive report essay, you must learn how to format your sentences in the future tense form. That is because the events have not yet happened but are predicted to happen some time in the future. You used the correct term in smattering areas of your essay. So I am guessing that you somehow knew that you had to present it in that form. You just did not know that you had to do it in a continuous form throughout the essay. If we do not consider the grammar range and accuracy portion of this essay, I will say that you have presented a pretty solid piece of work that allows your English comprehension skills to accurately shine through. All aspects of the information can be considered to be well presented and informative as the comparisons made really shed light on the information provided to you in the chart.
**The two maps below show an island, before and after the construction of some tourist facilities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant**  
  
## noticeable changes in visitor facilities

  
  
Given are maps comparing the development of tourist amnesties which have not yet occupied. It is noticeable that in around 200 metres, numerous recreational areas, transportation access and accommodation facilities have been built.  
  
Generally, the construction has been done in vacant area with some palms standing in the same place. A swimming facility has been constructed near the beach on the outskirt of the island. Alongside the sea, a pier has been added, providing ship to connect this island with others. However vehicle track has been renovate to ease visitor to go to reception and restaurant  
  
On the other hand, some hotels have been built in the left side of receptionist and right side as well. Having footpath, pedestrians can walk from one room to the other rooms alongside that area. While six of the accommodations in the right side have been connected with beach, the remainings just have been located in the right side with inhabited area having enormous green trees.  
  
*
Ayu, the information that you provide in your essay is lacking. There are two maps indicated in the report given to you. Therefore, the introduction should have acknowledge the existence of an original map and a revised map based upon changes made to the island. Prior to the lengthy discussion of the changes made, there should have also been a paragraph that indicated the original status of the island, that means prior to the development of the resort. That way, the reason for the existence of the two maps for your summary report consideration becomes evident. Right now. Your focus on the new map is all that is seen in the essay, which means that no consideration to the first map was given and therefore, the changes indicated do not have any importance to the reader. Due to the missing information and comparison, your will not score highly in a similar test in an actual setting. Always remember that the comparison is always necessary in these types of essays, regardless of the type of information presented to you for summarizing. Without the comparison, the essay is not informative at all.
Ayu, the tense to use in all of these report essays will be the past tense because the information has already been provided to you and all you have left to do is summarize the report in written form. In this case, the vacant island should have been a part of the introduction or summary statement. You should have referenced it as being the basis for the improvement in the island. For example *"The illustrations provide 2 images. One for the undeveloped island composed mainly of tress, and the other, is the developed island composed of various facilities and land masses."*  
  
I would give your task accuracy a score of 4 because of the missing element that describes the first image in comparison to the second. As for the coherence and cohesiveness, lexical resource, and grammar range / accuracy, I think you could score no higher than a 5 in most instances. The presentation is mechanical in nature because you only presented the facts as you read it in the essay. There is no sense of you trying to present the information in a more advanced manner either through sentence construction or use of advanced English vocabulary.  
  
I would not say that this is a bad essay. I believe that the essay shows your potential to actually do a good job on the next practice test. Provided you have ample guidance and instructions regarding how to better develop your skills. I hope my advice helps you in that regard.
**Others believe that consumer culture has played a vital role in improving our lives.  
Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
## consumerization impact

  
  
Can I receive feedback on my answer it would be great help.  
  
In this modern world, most members of society believe materialistic things are of great value. Some have their opinion that consumerization has uplifted our life. I believe, consumerism has both benefits and as well drawbacks. In this essay, I will give the overview of both sides.  
  
Firstly, In this world of fashion, pupils are much more attracted towards the possessions. They consider their happiness in owning the brand products. For example, any cell phone can serve the purpose of call and or text messages but, nowadays, buying i-phone has become a trend.Secondly, people enjoy shopping and it has also become a hobby for few of them. For instance, whenever the off-seasons sale is put up by any store then these persons tend to buy things even if it is unwanted.Therefore it accumulates waste.  
  
However, this consumer society has given the rise in the economy. This type of practice has created jobs for many unemployed people. Due to which they are able to earn their daily living and has less burden on the government to provide them shelter or even basic needs. On the contrary, country's own tradition is at risk. For example, in Indian culture, they had joint families but, now due to global openings for work, families have fallen apart in nuclear form for the greed of money and also to achieve a better lifestyle.  
  
In conclusion, consumerization has both advantages and disadvantages. As majority take this advantage of worldly products it will continue further in our lives.
Hello! @drjanck  
Your essay is good but one piece of advice is to eliminate, "In this essay, I will give the overview of both sides." and "I believe" because it makes your essay weak. It's always a bad idea to say what you are going to talk about. Instead try to write something like, "Consumerism brings both advantages and disadvantages because it helps create jobs but simultaneously creates greediness." And take off "I believe" all together its better to state something rather than say your opinion unless it asks for it:)
Janaki, I hope you won't mind if I score your essay. I will be scoring it based on the individual criteria that the examiner will also be using. So there will 4 sections of scoring below. I hope the scores can help you to further improve your essay writing.  
  
Task Accuracy - 3 - The very low score is because of the inaccuracy in your restatement of the prompt instructions and topic. You also failed to present both sides of the essay in the discussion prior to presenting your personal opinion. In fact, it seems like you were only presenting your personal opinion throughout the essay instead of offering individualized paragraph discussions as the instructions stated.  
  
Cohesiveness and Cohesion - 3 - Due to the inaccuracy in the task accuracy portion, your full discussion went wrong. Rather than a generalized discussion of the provided opinions, you ended up creating your own reasoning and opinion for discussion using elements that do not adhere to the prompt requirement.  
  
Lexical Resource - 3 - Aside from the fact that you discussed the wrong prompt in your essay, your choice of words also created a problem for the reader, the use of certain terms, such as "pupil" when what you really wanted to refer to was "people". Obvious mistakes in word choice created comprehension problems for the reader which meant that the paragraph had to be repeatedly read before the examiner could figure out what you tried to say in the paragraph.  
  
Grammar Range and Accuracy - 3 - the reasons for this score in this area are similar to the problems with your lexical resource.  
  
I am really sad that you cannot score higher than a 3 in this practice test. I know that you failed it because you did not properly understand the prompt requirements. Since I have advised you on what to correct, I am hoping that I will see an improvement with your next essay. Hopefully you can avoid making the same mistakes.
Hi @drjanck , overall your essay is good, but perhaps you can use complex sentence for some statements. then, you should complete the essay with at least 250 words (your essay is 249 words)  
  
could you post the complete statement of this task? because i just read the second view " Others believe that consumer culture ........"  
~~pupils~~perhaps using "adolescences or teenagers" are better are much more .....  
then these ~~persons~~people tend to buy  
this consumer society has given the rise in the economy~~. This type of practice has created~~,creating jobs for many unemployed people.  
  
thanks
**Some people think that wild animals should not be kept in zoos. Others believe that there are good reasons for having zoos.  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.**  
  
Hello, Holt I have written a different essay. It would be a great help if u could score this one too.  
  
## zoos - good for human, harm for animals?

  
  
Keeping the wild animals in the zoo has become a controversial issue. Some citizens have a belief that carnivores animals should not be kept captive. But, others are of the opinion having zoos are beneficial. In my opinion, wild animals should be set free in their territory rather than keeping them in the zoo for human entertainment.  
  
On one side of the argument, some people prefer that wild animals should not be kept caged because it makes difficult for these animals to adapt. However, zoo authority will try to give natural habitat, particular to that animal but they will be confined to a restricted area, which in turn can make problematic to get settled in the new environment. Additionally, they are kept alone in a cage which can make them feel lonely.Either of these causes stated above can lead to the death of the animal. Furthermore, impounding these animals can lead to suppressing their natural instinct of hunting.  
  
On the other side of this issue, zoos will benefit with a variety of reasons. Firstly, zoos are the form of an educational centre. As these zoos provide talks or even interaction with the animals, for children, it forms the avenue for them to know about a particular animal in that session in detail. Secondly, people visit zoo so that they can have a closer view of wild animals as it will not be possible to go in forest to view them.For example, In London zoo, we are able to have a closer look of penguins and can attend the show to know more about these animals.  
  
In conclusion, having a zoo gives many positive effects for human beings but, it is doing no good for wild animals. Therefore they should live in their natural home.
Janaki, the task accuracy is still at a 3 at this point. Your paraphrasing is almost at par with the original statement. The only problem being that the prompt indicates wild animals in general and you focused the essay on carnivore animals. Do not use terms that not included in the prompt because it changes the meaning of the discussion. While I understand that you are trying to show a wide vocabulary in an effort to improve your lexical resource and grammar accuracy range, if you do not use the correct words in the essay, then using these average vocabulary words will not help to improve your score. Now, since your task accuracy is still at a 4 and your failed to present your personal opinion within the essay as indicated by the instructions, the essay will still not score higher than a 3 at this point. When you are asked to discuss both views then present your opinion, the format should be like this:  
  
1. Introduction with paraphrased prompt  
2. First opinion discussion  
3. Second opinion discussion  
4. Personal opinion  
5. Conclusion with restated prompt  
  
Try to follow this format for all the succeeding essays that you will write that asks you to present both sides and then a discussion of your personal opinion.
My additional suggestion for you in this essay is that you are not suggested to write a predictable pattern by using particular cohesive devices that you have mentioned above e.g. "on one side...", and "on the other side..." . It seems to the examiner that your writing can possibly be indicated as monotonous. You are suggested to write by harnessing some vocabulary variations (cohesive devices) to start the paragraph. It is possible for you to mention "To begin with", "However", "Nevertheless", "Furthermore", "Regarding", "Concerning", "With regards to" or many more instead of the above-mentioned cohesive devices.  
  
Also, I would also suggest you to avoid using "But" in the beginning of your sentence(s). For your information, "But" is one of the example of coordinate connectors. In a complete list, those are "FANBOYS", "For, And, Nor, But, Or, Yet, So". These are coordinate connectors and shouldn't suppose to be placed in the beginning of the sentence(s). There are many possible cohesive devices that can be used to replace them. Some of them have already been written in the previous paragraph of this.  
  
Overall, in my opinion, this essay is still worth at least 4 and not 3 because you still did explain and answer the questions even though mostly they lack of clarity.
@ichanpants89  
thank you. I will surely take care of those words.  
  
@Holt  
thank you again. I will take care of synonyms. In this essay, I have presented my opinion in 1st paragraph. it is usually said to give the opinion and then support (correct me if I'm wrong). 1st opinion and 2nd opinion have presented but do u think they r not still par. Can u suggest the change in them?