dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Phuc, we cannot help you to fix the essay because it is not fixable. You are not capable of forming even the simplest coherent English sentence, the spelling of more than 80 % of the words are wrong, and your statements do not make sense because the grammar and sentence formation is inaccurate. It would be best for you to not try to write these essays yet and instead, work on translating Vietnamese to English words and sentences first. It seems that you are not in a position to pass the test yet. You first need to learn how to properly think in English and spell the English words. That can only be done once you are comfortable thinking in two languages simultaneously. That means, you need to be able to think in Vietnamese, then translate it almost instantly to English in the proper English context. If you cannot do that, then you create essay an such as this, which will most definitely not get a passing score. I wish I could help you with fixing the problems this essay has but in order to do that, I would have to rewrite the whole thing and I just don't have the time to do that as other students are also waiting for my review of their essays. Please, take my advice under consideration and delay your taking of the English test. You need to start with rudimentary English learning first.
Here are a number of errors made in the essay.  
  
1) Incomplete sentences.  
  
2) Too simple overview.  
  
3) Unqualified introduction: Too short, no paraphrasing, no significant opinion of your own.  
  
4) Spelling problem (first thing to improve).  
  
5) Grammatical mistakes (second most important thing to fix).  
  
6) Cumbersome sentences.  
  
7) Lack of coherence and cohesion.  
  
8) No centre of importance in body paragraph, ending a paragraph by an example is not so ideal in this case.  
  
9) 3rd paragraph is stray and unfavourable.  
  
10) Not fullfil task response: You do not answer whether the policy should take place or not, you just list the positive sides of it.
**Everyone should become vegetarian because they do not need to eat meat to have a healthy diet. Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## To Eat or Not to Eat Meat

  
  
Nowadays, how to have a good health is always a large question for most of the people. There are many aspects of this problem but a vegetarian diet is more and more popular all over the world. It's so useful that some people suggested we should become vegetarian and don't need to eat meat. In my opinion, I don't absolutely agree with them.  
  
Firstly, we can't deny how great a vegetarian diet brings. Many researches showed that we will use less fat and high in fiber through a vegetarian diet. As the result, we will reduce clearly the risk of illnesses including heart failure, obesity, diabetes which cause millions die each year. Additionally, plant foods supply enough nutrition for us without meat. For example, raw spinach providing all our nutritional needs is proved one of the best foods for the human. Thus, we don't need to eat meat anymore while vegetarian diet not only improves our health but also makes the environment better.  
  
However, some of the plant foods don't supply enough energy for the need of us each day. So if we use it for a long time, our body will be lack of many nutrition. Therefore, we need to balance between vegetarian diet and non-vegetarian diet. Moreover, there are many methods to process plant foods which are different from the occident to the orient. Thus, people will find hard to eat what isn't suitable for their taste and meat is a good choice to make the more delicious meal.  
  
In conclusion, we should eat flexibly both plant foods and meat although vegetarian diet is a good method. But if someone wants to eat absolutely vegetarian diet, they should check their health regularly to find whether their bodies are lack of nutrition or not.
Phong, there are lots of problems with your essay which would drastically reduce your overall score in the real test. First is your inability to do a proper paraphrase of the prompt. Secondly, your thesis statement is not proper. You were asked to agree or disagree so there is no need introducing the phrase, 'In my opinion'. The best approach is to make a thesis statement that agrees or disagrees with the central idea in the question. The thesis statement will form the basis of what you will write in the rest of the paragraphs. Another significant flaw in your essay is the wrong use of the second person pronoun 'We'. The use of 'we' in the entire body of your essay shows that you and at least one other person wrote the essay. If that is the case, then you will score zero already because the question is for you alone to answer and not one or more persons alongside you. This essay is the argumentative type and requires you to structure your thoughts in support or against the school of thought in the topic question. Finally, lack of cohesion will also reduce your score for the essay. Your sentence construction is also not a good one. You need to engage in constant practice and I would recommend that you checked similar essays that have been reviewed in this forum, so that you would have a glimpse of what is required of you. Right now, I cannot score this version of your essay. Engaging in more practices and posting your essays here for review is what I suggest you should care about for now.
*... a good health is always a large question for ...*  
  
- I suggest: a big question  
  
*It's so useful that (...) vegetarian and don't need to eat meat.*  
  
It's = it is  
  
Don't = do not  
  
*Many researches showed that we will use less fat and ...*  
  
Use = consume  
  
*raw spinach providing all our nutritional needs is proved one ...*  
  
You use three verbs in one sentence which is very confusing  
  
*vegetarian diet (...) also makes the environment better.*  
  
How a vegetarian diet improves our environment?  
  
*our body will be lack of many nutrition*  
  
nutrition is an uncountable noun thus cannot be accompanied by many. Some is more appropriate  
  
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Phong, your representation of the paraphrased prompt is engaging and shows that you have a strong background in the world of vegetarianism. You have successfully "hooked" the reader into delving deeper into what you have to say about the topic. By the way, it is alright to use the term "we" in this instance. You are representing common knowledge in your statements and thus a reference to such is acceptable in the essay. A collective representation of fact is acceptable because it shows that you are doing an inclusive discussion and are engaging the reader to "agree" with your opinion. It is a term that is often used when one is trying to actively persuade a person to his belief.  
  
You can safely ignore the advice given by the previous poster regarding the use of pronouns if you wish to. I have already explained why your use of "we" in this instance is correct and acceptable. If the essay had clearly stated that you should "state your own opinion", then you should have only stuck to the first person pronouns. In this instance, you are using a persuasive essay discussion so your decision to use "we" is acceptable and the correct term to use.  
  
Now, the essay is asking you to discuss whether you agree or disagree with the opinion provided. Since there is no "extent of" instruction in the essay, you need not have stated "absolutely" in the disagreement. A simple disagreement would have sufficed. You don't need strongly worded emotional words to describe something if it is not required in the prompt.  
  
The essay should have only discussed one opinion. Like I said, the persuasive discussion was the most appropriate approach for this essay. Doing the comparison essay did not accurately respond to the prompt requirements since you were not asked to "compare both points of view and present an opinion." You were merely asked to defend your stance of either agreement or disagreement with the given statement. Therefore, the main intention of the essay is to explain to the reader or persuade the reader regarding your point of view.
Holt, I try to use your advise and present here.  
Can you give me an advice for the new one and the score i may reach in IELTS? I will very appreciate if you can do that, Thank you.  
  
**The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.  
  
Write at least 150 words.**  
  
## the range of emission between four European areas

  
  
The line graph shows the emissions of carbon dioxide (CO2) in metric tonnes per person between four decade spanning 1967 to 2007 in four areas, which is United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal.  
  
Overall, the illustration shows the range of emission between four areas, which have a massive difference in 1967, are being narrow in 2007.  
  
The emissions of CO2 per person in UK and Sweden are dropped during this four decade. Unlike the steady decrease of UK from 11 to 9 metric tonnes, the first decade of Sweden still having a raise until they reach the peak, from 9 to 11 metric tonnes. After which, a sharply decrease occur at the next three decade from 11 to 5 metric tonnes.  
  
While the British and Swedes reducing their emissions of CO2, the Italians and Portuguese are raising it. Overview this two areas, both of Italy and Portugal have a stable increase between 1967 to 1997, from 4 to 7 metric tonnes and from 1 to 5 metric tonnes, respectively. However, a plateau happened in Italy's emission while Portugal are still raising to around 6 metric tonnes.  
  
Over this 40 years, the rank of emissions per person in this four areas are modified. Although there is a drop in UK, it still is the top. Sweden is the second at first, being the last at last. Both Italy and Portugal ranked up, from 3 and 4 to 2 and 3, in order.
@wuchunhung0927 You still have a problem with the paraphrasing of the information in the summary overview. Remember that it has to indicate the type of graph used, the overview of vital information to be discussed, and the required discussion instructions. The trending sentence should have been incorporated into the third paragraph in order to create a more solid and complete paragraph presentation. Since the graph illustration was not uploaded with your essay, I can't speak as to the validity of the rest of the information you present in the essay. Don't forget to do that next time. That is the reason why, even tough you request for me to score your essay, I am unable to do so. I don't have the comparison instructions to analyze your work with. In general though, you seem to have created a thorough enough presentation. As to the accuracy of the presentation, I cannot really determine that at this point. If you don't forget to upload the image with your next essay, I should be able to provide you with a better analysis of your work then.
## Children' understanding the right or wrong

  
  
Punishment is always concerned by teachers and parents when they were educating children . It has many other ways to teach the children what is right or wrong . Therefore , I am disagree that punishment is not necessary to help children to have a good behaviour.  
  
There are many side effect if parents give a physical punishment to a child. For example, a child will have just as much influence as their parents do at home . It is a risk that a child will have a violent problems if parents have a physical punishment to a child. This is not the only way to teach the next generation to have a good behaviour .  
  
In order to teaching the next generation to have a good behaviour in society the individual must respect others and obey their rules. This is undeniable that , parents could be a role model to influence their children instead of using physical punishment to give a warning to them.  
  
Educating children to understand the right or wrong behaviour could be achieved by school and parents .It is something that the teachers and parents have patient to teach the children what is important in life and what role they will play in their world.
hi invent, the following is my advice:  
grammer mistake:  
1. ... if parents have a physical punishment to a child-->delete "a" before violent problems.  
  
improving suggestion:  
1. in your second paragraph, I believe that if you add some information, like children are tend to imitate their parents behavior, will make your article more convincingly.  
  
2. in your third paragraph, some detail about how to be a role model will make your article more vivid.
Chan, your essay is not very understandable. The English sentences that you developed are not coherent and lack a sense of logic in the presentation. I think you are thinking in Chinese and then simply typing out the corresponding words in English, whether it is applicable to the sentence you are developing or not. Your essay lacks a solid flow of discussion because at the start, you say you do not agree to punishments, but then your later paragraph seems to indicate an agreement with using physical punishments. You need to present 3 discussion points clearly for this essay:  
  
1. Why you disagree with physical punishment;  
2. Why you believe that non physical punishment is better;  
3. An example of the effectiveness of non physical punishment.  
  
I am not sure at this point if you are just writing a practice essay for English class or for an English test. If this is for an English test, then the essay will not pass at all.
*Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and academic world. Others believe some information is too important or valuable to be showed freely.  
  
Discuss both views and give your opinion*  
  
**I am preparing for the next IELTS so please give me the band score I may reach. Thank you**  
  
## access to important information for everyone

  
  
People have different views about how information is shared. Although there are good arguments in favor of keeping secret intelligence, I personally believe that valuable knowledge has to be both available and accessible.  
  
On the one hand, sharing information makes a better world. Firstly, developed countries like America and England certainly have handful experiences in dealing with economic instabilities such as economic crisis and inflation. By transmitting such intelligence, they can help less civilized nations stabilize their economic state and save money from making avoidable mistakes. In addition, collaboration between countries in terms of exchanging advancement in certain fields would benefit the whole world. For example, Cuba's breakthroughs in curing lung cancer now opens a new door to not only American cancers' patients but also bring more hope to people who are suffering from that disease globally. Finally, from academic perspective, exchanging information in terms of seminars may help improve knowledge gap across continents as well as promoting learning. An academic workshop, which takes place in developing countries like Cambodia, presented by a famous scholar in biological science will nurture interests in science among students which turn into some fascinating discoveries and invention.  
  
On the other hand, secret intelligence has to be secured due to its importance. Coca-cola formula, for instance, is a national treasure of the US, thus disclosure of this global product should not be encouraged. Moreover, military secrets and technologies are too vital to the survival of a particular nation that they must be classified. Intelligence leaks may be used to harm political opponents which eventually threaten lives of millions of civilians.  
  
In conclusion, while some information should be kept secretly, the majority of them have to be shared to vastly benefit the entire whole in many different aspects.
Kenzin, it is with a heavy heart that I must tell you that your score for this essay will, in all likelihood, only be a 4 in an actual test. The reason that I gave you this score is because your essay discussion does not properly follow the prompt requirement. The requirement was for you to discuss both sides of the essay and then present your opinion. So this is a comparison essay with an opinion statement thrown in at the end. What you wrote was instead, solely an opinion essay. This mistake became evident because of the way that you did not properly represent the original prompt requirements in the opening statement which, as you know, accounts for a tremendously large part of the overall scoring. Since I already told you the mistake that you made which led to the failing score, let me show you how you could have properly formatted this essay. Consider the following an example of the most adequate method of representing the prompt:  
  
*There are some factions of society that have a belief in the sharing of information between scientific research, business, and the academic world. They believe that a lot of good will come from this information sharing system. However, others believe that the information is too important to be shared within the aforementioned sectors. This essay will discuss both points of view along with my personal opinion at towards the end of the essay*  
  
Always remember, the opening statement is nothing more than a restatement of the instructions. Never present an actual response in it because there is no room for discussion development. Discussion development in complete paragraph form is the basis of your Coherence and Cohesiveness score. You lose points for that when you present facts or opinions in the opening statement because you cannot fully explain yourself within the 5 sentence maximum requirement of the paragraph.  
  
I need not point out the discussion mistake to you at this point. The wrong interpretation that you had of the original prompt should make the problems with your essay obvious enough.
It is considered by some that accessing to scientific research, business and academic world should be free while there are others who think that some vital information has not to be publicized. In my opinion, I believe that free flow of information to some extent should be encouraged while limited access to some is necessary.  
  
On the one hand, sharing information freely could be tremendously beneficial. From a scientific perspective, publicizing of new findings will interest world's scholars and scientists. This may accelerate pace of research and increase the potential to lead to many other advances and achievements. Similarly, from an economic perspective, free access to global business insights may minimize failures as the same time foster business success in foreign markets. Transmission of academic know-how; moreover, will cultivate learning process and promote world civilization.  
  
On the other hand, the availability of some information should be strictly restricted. Revealing secrets to success of a particular product or a nation would promote unfair competition and discourage people from striving for excellence. In addition, military intelligence, if falling into the wrong hands, may pose serious threats to not only the local political stability but also world peace.  
  
Finally, in my opinion, whether to share information freely or not depends on its purposes. Sharing of foundation knowledge and insights should be encouraged as it makes a better world. For example, experiences and lessons in dealing with economic, political matters could be transmitted from developed countries to less civilized nations. This helps shorten the time, minimize potential risks and guarantee for better results. Similarly, medical advancement and breakthroughs would open new doors for patients as well as improve world average longevity. In contrast, formula to success of such giant brand like Coca-cola should be kept secretly. Its fame is built on life-time dedication and hard work; thus, their achievement should be widely recognized and awarded in forms of exclusive patent and copyright. Testing of weapons of massive destruction like atomic and chemical bombs should be banned to avoid catastrophic consequences.  
  
In conclusion, sharing of information is heavily rely on its types and purposes. Disclosure of any information should be considered thoroughly to maximize its benefit while minimize its potential threats to the world as a whole.
*Please check for me :) it's my first time writing a TOELF essay.*  
  
## the truth is always essential

  
  
Truth is always important, especially for a relationship between people. However, sometimes it is better not to tell the truth. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.  
  
First, being honest or telling the truth may hurt others feeling or make yourself feel nervous and unpleasant about what you did. For example, your friend has just cut her hair and she asks you if she looks good. In your opinion, her hair looks terrible and you are being honest about that. She might not angry with you but it will definitely hurt her feeling. Moreover, doctors often tell lies for patients benefit. The patient who has a serious health problem such as cancer should not know about their situation. Doctors want the patient to enjoy the happiness instead of worrying about death so they lied to give the patient hope. In some cases, it is better to lie about something and lies somehow make people live happier.  
  
Second, it is acceptable for people to lie about personal information such as age, weight and relationship. Everyone has their own privacy and it should be respect by the others. These lies considered harmless so instead of telling the truth, people can lie so that it will not cause any awkward consequences. Furthermore, in some countries, it is rude when a man asks a woman about her age and it is okay if the woman lies about it. It will not hurt or harm to anyone.  
  
Overall, it is true that people should not tell lies because of the negative effects that lie brings. Nevertheless, a lie is acceptable if it is harmless and it does not cause any serious problems. People can tell lies to give others hope and forget about the pain or people tell lies about personal stuff that they think it is necessary.
Thao, grammar issues, which are minimal in consideration, aside, this is a very well thought out and defended essay. You accurately summed up the discussion points that strengthened your position presentation. However, I caution you against trying to present too many sides to the issue in one paragraph. It limits your ability to show off your English thinking skills. It is more important to show off the fact that you can accurately express yourself in English than to show off your knowledge about a certain topic. It is enough to show one reason and discuss that thoroughly because the examiner will get a clearer idea as to the level of English thinking and writing skills that you have. You don't get to successfully do that in this presentation. Good work though. You have the potential to pass the TOEFL with a high rating if you continue to practice and improve your skills in the coming days and months.