dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## 'anyone can do it' attitude

  
  
*In some countries today, there is an attitude that 'anyone can do it' in arts-music, literature, acting, art, etc. As a result, people with no talent become rich and famous and genuine talent is not valued or appreciated.  
  
Do you agree or disagree?*  
  
Nowadays, it is concerned that mediocre talents which earn people money and fame will lead to the undervaluation of genuine ones, with the popularity of the motto 'anyone can do it'. In my opinion, I do not subscribe to that statement because of two main reasons.  
  
First of all, only true talents can shine and stay in the spotlight for a long period of time. With the help of internet and streaming videos, people can easily upload their performances which can go viral for a while if the responses are positive. Many international artists have done this to obtain their first contract with the CD labels, such as Colbie Caillat, Justin Biebers or Boyce Avenue. However, it is extremely crucial to remember that after that stage, they continuously gave the audience more of their artistic developments as well chart-topping songs in order to stay popular. In contrast, thousands of Youtube singers are forgotten because the lack of authentic gifts.  
  
Second, it should be accented that people need to be more inspired and encouraged to show their talents in front of public, even if they are not exceptional or phenomenal like well-known artists. For instance, many reality shows like The Voice, X factors look for talented individuals by giving them incentives to step out of their comfort zones, to take their chances. In other words, without those encouragement, many A-rated singers will still remain unknown.  
  
In conclusion, the worry about people with no talents getting famous at fast pace in our modern community is exaggerated. Speaking from my perspective, I believe that the attitude 'anyone can do it' should be emphasized and only real talents can survive in the competitive atmosphere of creating arts.
Ngo, try to avoid writing run-on sentences. A run-on sentence is identified as a very long sentence that has different ideas and topics presented in one sentence, separated by commas. When you have less than 3 sentences in your paragraph, as in the case of the opening paraphrase of your essay, you automatically have a run-on sentence and you are producing only 2 sentences per paragraph. That means you are not meeting the minimum paragraph sentence requirement of 3 sentences and your sentence formations are not as good as it can be. When that happens, your GRA score is affected.  
  
Now, I noticed that your essay is focused on YouTube as the center of the "anyone can do it" discussion. Since the prompt indicates a generalized discussion, your response presentation should also be the same way. Remember, there are also street artists and independent performers who do not use YouTube as the launchpad. That is why you need not focus on only one channel of talent showcase for the discussion.  
  
I did observe though that you have an acceptable grasp of the English language and you are able to explain yourself clearly in your presentation. There are very little instances of writing errors that can cause confusion and stress for the reader. This will help you very much in terms of cohesiveness and coherence considerations. You will score very well in that section. So your essay will have a good chance of getting at least a passing score.  
  
In the end, I would have to say that this is a good essay that may get a higher than just passing score. You did almost everything right except for the run-on sentences and focus on YouTube when it should have been a generalized discussion. I also like the way that you were able to present your disagreement with the statement in a creative way that did not follow the memorized response format. That means that the run-on sentences will lower your score, but your innovative writing will also increase the score. It is safe to assume that your score in the GRA section will balance out in the end.
## crimes committed repeatedly

  
  
It is a fact that there are a large number of first-time offenders released from jail that reoffend. Behind this alarming phenomenon are various reasons and measures that can be taken by the government to eliminate this issue.  
  
There are two primary reasons for recidivism. Firstly, it is almost impossible for offenders to find proper jobs. Due to their criminal records, people still consider them a threat to society, consequently, employers usually avoid hiring wrongdoers. Secondly, the prison system is partly to blame for prisoners' committing crime again since they are locked up with other offenders. Being exposed to bad inmates will only make prisoners more susceptible to immoral intentions and thoughts.  
  
Apart from imposing tougher punishment for criminals who reoffend, government should concentrate on rehabilitation. Vocational training is highly recommend to equip prisoners with essential skills and knowledge so that they can have a better chance of reintegrating into society and finding jobs. Another resolution to reform offenders is community service. By performing duties under the observation of supervisors, offenders are encouraged to be responsible and useful to their society, which can reduce the likelihood of reoffending.  
  
In conclusion, recidivism is believed to be one of the overwhelming problems facing our community, however, it can be tackled if drastic measures are implemented by the government.
Tranh, this essay cannot be reviewed properly for two reasons. The first, is that you have not provided the complete original prompt / discussion requirement that you have created a response for. I require that information so that I can review your work based on a given set of instructions, in addition to the scoring criteria for the IELTS Task 2 writing. The second problem, is that you wrote only 216 out of the minimum 250 word requirement. That translates to an automatic failing score due to word count deductions leading up to the minimum word requirement. Based on these two reasons, I do not feel that it would be fair for me to review your work and point out mistakes and corrections, knowing very well that this is not an appropriate representation of your writing skills. Please provide another essay, this time meeting the 250 minimum word requirement so that I can review your work appropriately.
## veganism may be beneficial or harmful

  
  
Veganism is favor of modern life due to various profits. Although I agree with this statement, this also creates harmful effects because of the following reasons.  
  
First and foremost is the advantages of being vegetarian as it brings high- quality healthy, declining dangerous diseases and a comfortable spirit. Vegetarians are often active to join in outside activities more than non-vegetarians. Specifically, vegetables and nuts also keep fit and avoid some diseases such as obesity, diabetes, etc. Moreover, veganism extends life-span. Vegetarians will have a happy life from then onwards.  
  
Nevertheless, improper vegetarianism will lead to serious consequences such as tired body and lack of nutrients.For a long time with eating wrong ways, their body will appear some signs such as poor skin, dried hair and then people do not want to do anything and have a sick. For example, young people is growing with veganism wrongly, they will not intelligent enough to learn everything.  
  
Last but not least, veganism will be better if people use a reasonable diet and they will reach some benefits above. For teenagers, veganism is not neccessary to their health and complete growth. People who over 30 years old should have veganism to protect their health.  
  
From all the reasons above, it can be concluded that veganism is good or bad, it depends on how to carry out themselves. To spread benefits of veganism, people should resreach information carefully and practice right ways.
Veganism is **favor of** (favoured in) modern ...  
  
... dangerous diseases and **(you are missing a verb here)** a comfortable spirit.  
  
**For a long time with eating wrong ways** (it sounds unnaturally), their **body**c(bodies) will appear ... and **have a sick** (get sick or ill). ... young people is **growing** (wrong word) with ... will not **be** intelligent enough ...  
  
... and they will **reach** (wrong word) some benefits above.  
People who **are** over 30 ...  
  
... veganism is **good or bad** (wrong phrase), ...  
... people should research ... practice **in the** right ways.
Nguyen, the essay will get an automatic failing score for not having been written using the minimum 250 word format. When you write under the minimum word count, penalties will be applied towards the missing words. This often times results in a failing essay because of the other consideration mistakes (LR, GRA, C&C) that exist in your work. In this case, you have several spelling errors that could have been made when you retyped the essay, or you actually misspelled when you practiced your handwritten essay.  
  
An additional TA error that you made is that you did not indicate an extent response to the essay question. You said you agree with the statement but did not offer a degree such as "wholly, totally, partially, to a strong degree" and other variations of emotional agreement. In this instance, you could have said "I partially agree with this statement for several reasons." I assumed that this would be the best measured response because you opted to do a comparison discussion of the pros and cons of vegetarianism.  
  
There are subject verb agreements in the essay that stem from the mistake in your word usage. Learn to differentiate between the singular and plural forms of a word. In this case, "young people is" creates the plural form of "a young person". Therefore it should be written as "young people are". Such errors fall under the GRA section and will have a strong lowering effect on your score.
## electronic devices in British households

  
  
The given table illustrates the percentage of consumer devices owned by British people between 1972 and 1983.  
As is revealed the graph, overall, it is obvious that television had always been popular and the reversal was true for dishwasher during the surveyed period.  
  
To be more specific, television and vacuum cleaner obtained the dominant position of household in Britain throughout the time frame. The number of British people used television was 93% in 1972, more twofold higher than that of central heating. The figures for both groups gradually increased each year and reach the highest proportion at 98% and 95% in the final year, respectively. Ranked as the second groups after TVs and vacuum cleaner, refrigerator, and washing machine experienced a significant rose to 94% and 80% in 1983, respectively, from the first data in 1972.  
  
By contrast, dishwasher and video was the least favorite durable from 1972 to 1983. 3% of citizens British began using the dishwasher in 1978 and reaching a maximum of 5% in 1983. In addition, the video became owned by British people since 1983, and only 18% of these people used it. Moreover, the other product, include central heating and telephone steadily grew. In this case, the percentage of central heating was 64% in 1983, more approximate double higher than that of the first year surveyed.  
  
Because I'm going to take the real test next month so please give me the most detailed feedback and a band score.  
  
*
I am not an IELTS teacher but I hope I can help you in some ways  
  
As is revealed in the graph  
  
... position of household devices in Britain  
  
... the least favorite **durable (wrong word)** from 1972 to 1983.  
In addition, **the video became owned by British people** (People had started purchased video since 1983, and only 18% of these people used it. ... was 64% in 1983, ~~more~~ approximate **double** (wrong word -> two times) higher than ...
Ngoc, the whole essay shows that you do not understand how to use connecting words to create an understandable essay in English. You have to learn when to use the words "the, in, and, an, a, because" and a host of other connecting words that help to connect the ideas and topics in your sentence and paragraph presentations. Let me show you samples of where you made these mistakes:  
  
As is revealed the graph = ... revealed IN the graph  
  
You also need to present a more comprehensive summary overview that includes not only the type of graph used topic, and inclusive years, but also the type of measurements and items being measured. When possible, include the source of the information as well.  
  
For a task 1 essay, I have to say that you wrote too many words. You should only spend 20 minutes on this task so the logical number of written words should be around 150-200 words only. There is a lack of trending sentence and an additional paragraph to make the essay a properly formatted Task 1 essay. The Task 1 essay should have 4 paragraphs in it.  
  
You did a good job of explaining the content of the graph. The main problem you have is in the formatting and use of connecting words so make sure to study the methods by which you can correct those mistakes and apply them to the next practice essay.
**Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.  
  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.**  
  
## Data Access Control

  
  
There is only few thing more important than information in today's world. Even a little detail about the cure of certain illnesses may change the history, therefore there are huge disputes when it comes to sharing information in not only scientific researches but also business and academic life. In fact that sharing as much information as possible is better for society is mainly true since it may lead improvements by other people and also help to ignore unnecessary researches, there might be some valid reasons to keep information just for a specific group.  
  
Not keeping information just for yourself may allow a lot of advantages. Firstly, people working at the same practice area can benefit previous researches to continues their own studying process. Even though they might reach to same results by trying and experiencing, it causes a lot of time, energy and money which may be spent for future researches. More than that sharing information may reduce the number of the researches which already failed when somebody else studied on it.  
  
After discussing the benefits of information sharing, we may also accept that certain reasons let people to keep them as a secret. Sharing all the information that we know with everybody who seek might cause the misuse of the data since these information may contain personal data or the secrets which are protected public constitutions. Violation of privacy may result in national and international problems at the end of the day. Furthermore, sharing as much as information as possible make harder to reach true and examined ones. Although it seems like that it allows individuals to learn more about whatever they want, if the necessary precautions are not taken a huge part of society may accept these informations as a true without questioning it. It may be much more harder to change people's beliefs and ideas than teaching them when they do not know anything about it.  
  
As we can conclude, even though there is certain disadvantages of sharing information, it may be significantly helpful and useful when it come to improvements in researches and ignorance of unnecessary studies. If we manage to put restrictions when it is needed and teach society to do complete research before accepting the data as a true, people can enjoy all the benefits of not only sharing what they know but also learning what the other ones know.  
  
**It is 443 words. Is it a problem? Thank you very much.**
Aysun, writing over 300 words in a task 2 essay will be a problem because you will not be able to properly edit the essay before submitting it for scoring. Not only that, but you are going to have to handwrite the essay information so you may find that it will be tiresome to write over 400 words for the essay. Additionally, if you use a timer when you do the practice tests, you will find that there is not enough time to write that many words in the actual timed test setting. So try to write anywhere from 250-275 words, with 300 words being the maximum number of words you can write. Let's put it this way, if you write 25 lines at 5 lines per paragraph, you should have written enough words to assist you in passing the test. You are not being tested on knowledge of a given topic here, just your ability to explain yourself in English. There is no need to overdo the presentation.  
  
I noticed that in this essay, you discussed the two points of view coming from a personal angle. The essay is asking you to discuss the first 2 points coming from the public point of view. Therefore, the public opinion should be clearly indicated when writing the discussion. That way the examiner knows that you are not yet discussing your personal opinion. The personal opinion discussion should come, properly represented by ownership words "In my opinion, I believe that, That is why I support" and other variations thereof prove that you are finally discussing your personal opinion.  
  
Your prompt paraphrase does not properly indicate the required information when it comes to the discussion style, since this is not a direct question essay, you should not have started the discussion in the paraphrase. That is because each paragraph should have only one discussion topic (unless otherwise specified) that is fully explained within 3-5 sentences.  
  
You tried too hard to impress with this essay. Please try to keep your writing within the appropriate and expected levels of writing. There are various examples available at this forum to help you familiarize yourself with the different approaches to such discussions. You may even come across the same topic as practiced by a previous test taker here. You will definitely learn from reading such samples of writing and how to avoid the errors they made with their own work.
I am welcomed any comments, both positive or negetive :)  
  
## liberty to live and die

  
  
Many people considered physician-assisted killing to be inhumane and against God's will. However, in my opinion, people should be given the right to die for the following reasons.  
  
Firstly, the assisted dying is in accordance with body integrity. As an autonomous human, we are entitled to self-determine what to do with our own bodies, including how to live, what to do and how to die. Coercing people to go on living miserably while they want to die is indeed inhumane.  
  
Secondly, physician-assisted dying fulfils the will of terminally ill people to die with dignity. Since they are usually under palliative treatment, their body conditions would gradually deteriorate and eventually lead to death. In addition, families from lower class will be under severe financial and psychological burden from the hospital treatment of their loved ones. This can leave a mental breakdown to the patients. Thus, hastening their death can prevent or put and end to such breakdown from happening to the patients.  
  
Thirdly, even though mercy killing is banned, some would always find a way to execute it, either by refusing medical treatment or going to other countries where such practice is legalized. Those methods are usually more painful or expensive than assisted-dying. Therefore, in my opinion, it is the ban of assisted dying that is unethical and inconsiderate.  
  
In conclusion,while some may render assisted dying as sinful, I strongly believe people have the liberty to die, just as much as the liberty to live and to pursue happiness.
Hi Thuy! I think your essay has decent vocabulary and good arguments. However, there is still room for improvement.  
  
1. Your essay add up to 249 words. I don't think you will get the word count penalty for missing one word, however you should try to write 250-300 word. Generally, a reasonably longer essay allows more space to show off your writing skill and increase your chance to get a higher band.  
  
2. You present 3 points in your argument, therefore for each point you can only write 3-4 sentences, with no examples. This makes your argument weak. It would probably be better if you just choose 2 points and elaborate them so the examiner can better understand your opinion.  
  
3. It is great to vary your keywords. However, you should also try not to use the word, or using it as a noun, which can be a bit repetitive, and put a pressure on you to find a bunch of synonyms.  
  
4. At the end of each paragraph, you write a sentence to (I think) sum up the idea of that paragraph. However they are too general, and essentially the same in all 3 paragraphs. They sound something like this: "I think not allowing assisted dying is bad". I would recommend you to make that sentence sum up the particular argument in just that paragraph, while also linking to the next paragraph. Or you can just save that last sentence for more space to reinforce your argument by giving examples - which your essay lacks.  
  
5. Your opening and closing paragraph should be a bit longer and elaborate. I recommend 3 sentences for the opening paragraph, and 2-3 sentences for the closing paragraph.  
  
Fixing those parts and some grammar errors and you're good to go. If you find my feedback helpful please press like on the upper-right corner!
Nguyen, unless you provide the complete prompt when you post your essay, it will be difficult to do a total review of your writing approach. I do not have any idea what your response method should be and how the presentation should be formatted in the paragraphs. Please remember to supply that information the next time you post an essay for review.  
  
Since you wrote less than 250 words, you will automatically get a penalty for the missing word. That means you will lose a certain amount of points due to writing under the word count. So you have to work harder on the other aspects of the essay to make sure that the single missing word will not mean that your essay will fail the test. You have other errors in the presentation that could affect the overall score as well. That is why you have to make sure that you write at least the minimum word count every time you write a practice test. When you write at least the minimum word count, there is a greater chance you will get a better score for every consideration.  
  
You have word choice errors in the essay. I think this was a mistake that you made while typing into the box. I believe you meant to say "... put an end to such breakdown..." but you accidentally typed "put and end" in that phrase.  
  
I can't go beyond these observations because your review instructions are incomplete. I hope that you will note the necessity of writing the minimum word count for the essay though and be more careful the next time you write your essay. Always read, revise, and review before you submit the essay, even if it is just for a practice test.