dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Changes of the seaside resort of Templeton between 1990 and 2005**  
  
## from an undeveloped place into a modern area

  
  
As can be seen from the map, the seaside resort of Templeton experienced significant change from 1990 to 2005.  
  
In 1990, the resort was a quite and undeveloped place with a large number of trees and individual houses, but during the next 15 years the resort was developed dramatically.  
  
Firstly, the biggest change is that all of the invidiual houses in the south-west of the seaside were demolished, with all the trees chopped down and replaced by a supermaket and apartnents. Moreover,a new residental with apartments and the dwellings were built around the lake and supermarket. Only a few trees were remained. Furthermore, all of the trees east of the resort was cleared to made way for an airportand some houses, which sprang up around the school and hospital. The woodland and some houses in the south-east of the seaside was replaced by a factory. In addition, a new stretch of the railway along the shore running from east to west. Another, a ferry was also established to transport vehicles.  
  
Overall, there was a complete transformation of this area, the seaside resort of Templeton-from rural village to a mainly urban landscape.  
  
*Please help me edit the essay, I'm not sure about the relative clause, as well as the use of words. Thank you very much*  
  
*
Trong, before you even think about your word formation problems, you must first consider if your essay meets the minimum requirements / representation of the original prompt. Your essay is severely lacking in terms of proper formatting. Your summary overview is incomplete and does not include the trending statement that it should have. The opening statement does not provide an accurate overview of the task presented to you. This paragraph should have read:  
  
*The seaside resort of Templeton has experienced significant changes between the years of 1990 and 2005. A comparison map for each year has been supplied for this examination. The map indicates the various changes, per year that occurred in the resort. This essay will summarize the information regarding the changes made and also offer a comparison discussion in parts where it is relevant to do so. The overall trend shows that town evolved more into a residential area from than its previously mixed use area.*  
  
Aim to write at least 3 complete paragraphs for the Task 1 essay. That is the minimum requirement. 3 completely developed paragraphs. That means each paragraph needs to have at least 3 sentences in it otherwise, it will not be considered as having met the C&C requirements of the test. Your current second paragraph is too long. You need to learn how to divide the essay into specific paragraphs that will represent the various changes in the map. Since there are 2 years to compare the format should have been:  
  
1st body paragraph - information from 1990  
2nd body paragraph - information from 2005  
3rd body paragraph - comparison of similar information from the two maps  
  
This would have easily created a more acceptable and higher scoring 4 paragraph essay instead. Remember, the key is to show off your English writing skills based on the available information while following the included instructions. Doing that will ensure that you pass the test. Rush it, the way that you wrote this essay, and your score may be in danger of not reaching a passing score.
TOEFL  
  
**Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Classmates have more influences on a child's success in school than parents do. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.**  
  
## ***CHILDREN ARE GREATLY AFFECTED BY THEIR CLASSMATES***

  
  
There are several factors that contribute to the academic success of a child, two of them are classmates and parents. While many people give prominence to parents' education methods, I personally believes that classmates play a more crucial role in the favorable outcomes of a child. I feel this way for two main reasons  
  
First of all, children generally trust in their classmates more than in their parents. This is due to the fact that they are at the same age and share the same level of knowledge, so they make agreement with each other easily. My own experience is a compelling example. When I was in elementary school, I was an exellent student in my class. I had an very naughty friend who not only never did homework but also skipped the class frequently. The reason why we were so close to each other is because he admired my academic proficiency and always protected me from the other bad students and in return, I helped him doing exams. His parents tried many ways to make him interested in studying because they really wanted their son to become a doctor, but they failed. After knowing that we were close friend, they told me that they need my help to guide him in learning and advice him not to skip class anymore. After having conversations with me, he started joining more extra class and group study with me more frequently. As a result, he finished the grade five with a quite good score and now, he is studying at one of the most prestigious medical university in my country.  
  
Secondly, children's behaviors are greatly influenced by the herd mentality, which can be explained as our tendency to adopt certain acts made by peers and people around us. This is certainly true when it comes to children. For instance, If a student does not finish his homework while every others do, he would be seen as the black sheep and would feel very shame. That will drive him to try finishing all the tasks given by the teacher in order not to being isolated with the rest of the class. If this situation is continuously happen, the student would quickly make progress and have more opportunities to success in the future career.  
  
In conclusion, I totally believe that children are affected by their classmates more than their parents because of friends seem more trustworthy and this can also be explain by the herd mentality theory. For these reasons, parents should considered choosing a proper study environment for their children.  
  
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Thank you for spending time on my thread. I'm not very confident in my writing, so I would appreciate all of your comments and advices!
Dovu, your opening statement was strong and right on the mark until you said "I personally believe..." Your personal opinion, although required in this essay, was misrepresented. You should have instead stated that "I agree with the opinion that classmates..." Remember, this is not a "belief" essay. This is an "agreement or disagreement" essay. Always make sure that you follow the instruction sentence of the prompt you are provided. BTW, pay particular attention to your punctuation marks. You are missing one at the end of this paragraph.  
  
Your second paragraph is too long. It goes beyond the maximum 5 sentence requirement per paragraph. You should have just led with the story about how you trusted your classmates more and then stated the reason for it. The topic sentence first, the explanation second. The explanation must be completed within 3-4 sentences in order to be properly effective in the essay.  
  
Your concluding statement continues to present additional information for the topic being discussed. That is unacceptable. The concluding statement needs to follow the same parameters as the rest of the essay. That means, it should be at least 3 sentences long to qualify as a paragraph and should offer a new summary for the topic being discussed, the information presented and a repeat of your "agreement" not belief, in the discussion that took place.
**Today more people are travelling than ever before.  
Why is this the case?  
Is it a positive or negative development?**  
  
My answer:  
  
## travelling is an indispensable part of human life now

  
  
In recent years, travelling around cultures has gradually become a prevalent and publicly recognized phenomenon. This increasing popularity of international travel is combination to several factors ,in my point of view is accompanied by considerable benefits.  
  
A number of reason have been put forward for rapidly increasing tourists in the past decades.First of all, people want to get refreshment due to their glowing pressure from workloads from therefore more and more people choose travel as the way of relieving their stress in work. Secondly, It is much easier for people to obtain holidays information than ever before. In the past, the limitation of wealth and cutting-edge technologies inhibited tourisms exposing tourist attractions and advanced societies which are located in far-flung areas or even another countries. However, nowadays, the advanced modern technologies make it very easy to gain knowledge about places of interest all over the world through the Internet.  
  
It is obvious that tourism bring great benefits to not only the host country but also travellers.Firstly, it contribute to the economy of the host country with the money they spend on a wide variety of services, including goods, food, souvenirs, accommodation and travel. To take the France an example. Annually, having a million tourism from overseas visit to see places like Eiffel Tower or old castles along the Lorie valley, which results in a wide range of career opportunities for local communities. Secondly, travelling is a good ways to broadens the horizons of visitors to see the world. For instance, early exposing to advanced societies helps travellers to gain new ways of thinking and behaviour which bring a certain edges on their work and life. Therefore, they are able to attain exceptionally high standards in their career way.  
  
In conclusion, traveling are gradually becoming an indispensable part in human life by this enormous contributions. Furthermore, It seems clearly to me that tourism have certain positive impacts on making man whole.
Khanh, this would have been a well graded essay if you had not made a mistake in the opening statement. The discussion sentence at the end should have indicated that you were going to discuss the popularity of international travel as a positive development. There was no call for a "benefit" discussion in the essay because that is not the point of the prompt. In your misguided attempt to try and impress the reviewer with your vocabulary skills, you ended up changing the prompt discussion manner instead, which would have resulted in a score that may or may not be passing for you in an actual test setting.  
  
All of your paragraph ideas are little developed because you are discussing too many little related topics in every paragraph. The rule of thumb for this essay is always to present only one opinion, supported by facts in every paragraph. The reviewer is looking for evidence of a coherent and cohesive paragraph development. That cannot be accomplished by presenting multiple topics, with very little evidence to support each one, in every paragraph. Focus on one reason, develop the supporting argument, and come out with a stronger opinion essay.  
  
Do not use American terms if you are not sure of how it is spelled. Even if you know what the word means, if the wrong word is used in the sentence it results in an improper topic or sentence presentation. Your LR score will be severely affected. The term is "growing pressure", not "glowing pressure". Glowing means to express great praise while growing means to undergo natural development by increasing in size and changing physically.
## trade-off between tourism pros and cons

  
  
Service industries such as tourism have become more developing in the modern life nowadays. This engenders the controversy about the pros and cons of tourism. Some people hold the notion that its advantages outweigh the disadvantages. From my point of view, i do not entirely agree with the given notion.  
  
It can be denied that there are uncounted benefits taken from travelling for both the travellers and the government. One of the crucial benefits is that people will have great opportunities to broaden their culture and social horizons when they are on a trip to new locations. For instance, the visitors can interact with ingenious residents and be introduced to interesting natural charm such as cuisine, amusement, fashion,... Also, the government of visited region can make a profit and get investment as well to ameliorate infrastructure. These innovations will not only serve tourists but also native people. As a result, tourists enjoy their vacation with great experiences and the local people as well as the government have a chance to stimulate the economic growth rate.  
  
However, there are some drawbacks of tourism need to be paid attention. The influx of travellers into an area can disturb the life pattern of the indigenous and cause several social troubles. Indeed, because the local government are not able to control a large number of tourists, they can encounter potentially higher incidences of crimes and anti social activities. Problems such as pickpocketing, mugging, sex-related crimes likely occur in those countries featuring flourishing tourism. In addition, environmental pollution and vandalism are the tenacious problems as the historical sites are full of unaware visitors. This leads to the possibility that the government may pay a large money to mend their loss.  
  
To conclude, i believe there is a trade-off between tourist advantages and disadvantages. And i think that people consciousness of tourism plays a central role in deciding whether tourism does more harm than good or on the contrary.  
  
p.s: Please help me and I will help you back.
Lewis, I must commend your writing skills and wealth of vocabulary. However, you must be very careful when drafting your essays as an omission or misplacement of a word or phrase can totally change the idea in a paragraph, especially when it occurred in the topic sentence. Before I continue with reviewing your essay, I would like to remind you that posting the topic question of an essay is necessary for proper review of this kind of write-up. Right now, it is difficult to tell if you actually did a proper paraphrase of the prompt although it seems well crafted and straight to the point. That said, I think you really did a nice job here except for few typos. My only worry is that the topic sentence of paragraph 2 is contrary to the idea portrayed in the supporting sentences."**It can be denied that there...**" means that there are no benefits with regard to the pattern with which the sentence was constructed, in which case it opposes the supporting statements which elaborate the benefits of tourism to both the tourist and the government of the location of the tourism. The excerpt should read as "It cannot be denied that there... " which means that there are benefits and therefore fits with the supporting sentences. More so, you shouldn't have used the transition word "However" to begin the third paragraph because it is used to indicate a little change or opposing notion with respect to the preceding idea. I suggest you use the first sentence of the 3rd paragraph as the last sentence of the 2nd paragraph. That way, it would serve as a transition statement. The 3rd paragraph would then begin with a topic sentence that tends to describe the disadvantages of tourism. Overall, your essay is really great and your points are well-developed. Always ensure that you review your essays after drafting so as to fix typographic errors. This essay can fetch you an overall score of at least 6.5.
My, this is not a "degree of agreement or disagreement essay". Therefore, the minute that you said "I do not entirely agree", you totally altered the discussion of the original prompt and as such, immediately failed the the test. Why did you fail ? The decision on your part to discuss a comparison essay instead of a single opinion essay with supporting justifications as required by the original instructions means that you did not understand the instructions for the discussion. While you did understand what the topic for discussion is, the method of discussion is what the examiner will be looking at. Your ability to survive in an English classroom in terms of following the professor's instructions rests on your ability to understand English based instructions which, in this essay, you clearly showed that you cannot do. Therefore, the examiner will look at this essay and fail you. You cannot be given a passing score because you failed to prove English comprehension skills on your part, which is the first criteria for consideration. Listen to me, allow me to guide you, follow my advice, and just like countless others here whom I have helped to develop their writing skills before taking any English test, you will be sure to pass with high marks.
@okorobiadimma14  
I really appreciate your comment. Although I try a lot, I always have some silly mistakes, especially word-missing mistake. And you were right! What I wanted to write was "It cannot be denied", but I forgot to put "not" after "can". This led to the change of meaning. I will listen to you and review my essay carefully so as not to have mistake again. Seriously, your comment is very useful to me. Thank you a lot sir/madam ^^. I hope that I can learn from you to write better because I'm not really good at writing.  
  
@Holt  
I read your comment very carefully and I want to thank you for your comment. I know that I am not a good writer but I try to improve it in my ability. I have been learning how to write an agreement or a disagreement essay, and what I wanted to put in my essay is a balanced idea, I mean that half agreement and half disagreement, so that the reason why I wrote: "I do not entirely agree". I didn't realize that would make me fail the test. Thank you very much for pointing out my misconception of the question. And I wonder if you can teach me and give me some advice. That will be really helpful to help me improve my writing skill because I know I have a lot of things to learn ^^.
**Topic: Some people think it is more important for government to spend public money on promoting healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment of people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## national money on health of citizens

  
  
It is believed that national money should be utilized mainly for illness prevention by improving life quality in place of treatment for ill people. As far as I am concerned, I disagree with this point of view because illness prevention and treatment are equally important and should be paid attention the same.  
  
On the one hand, allocating national budget for promoting healthy lifestyle and illness prevention is essential due to many reasons. Initially, this method can decrease the number of ill people as well as decline the seriousness of some ailments. By improving healthy lifestyle, citizens can take their health status under control and have enough time to cope with some risky circumstances of illness. Promoting healthy habit, such as eating health food or drinking plenty of fluids, is a must-do preparation in order to minimize the potential of being ill. Secondly, there are numerous of incurable diseases that may result in death. When people catch untreated diseases, ranging from cancer to HIV, their lives will certainly be intimidated and opportunities to survive in the long-run is so rare. Therefore, defending people from distracting severe diseases is extremely necessary. Without preparation and protection, people may get serious diseases or even die.  
  
On the other hand, treatment for ailments should be paid much attention and it is crucial for the authority to allocate national budget on illness treatment. It is obvious that the precautions cannot stop people from getting ill comprehensively, the methods can only mitigate the potential of being sick. In other words, the number of patients can drop but never end. Therefore, it is better to invest money in medical facilities and medications than ignoring to save them. More importantly, curing ailment is vitally significant when there are some outbreaks of disease. Certain of infectious diseases may spread from one victim to thousand of people. If the government did not attempt to find ways to cure contagious diseases, the viruses would threaten other people in succession.  
  
In conclusion, being sick is unpredictable. Therefore, the authority and inhabitants should safeguard themselves beforehand by promoting healthy lifestyle and also find solutions to combat diseases because both illness prevention and treatment play an indispensable role in our delightful life.
Linh, in the total course of your essay postings, you still have not learned how to tell the difference between the different discussion styles. You have to know when to use a comparative essay discussion and when you have to write an opinion essay alone. I keep on explaining to you that the word "OR" in a prompt means "choose only one side to discuss". You can't seem to remember that and it is becoming increasingly frustrating for me to help you with your essays because you keep making the same mistakes over and over again. I am afraid that because you are not showing enough signs of improvement in your essay writing, specifically in the English comprehension skills part, that you will not be prepared to pass this test in time. You need to show improvements soon otherwise, I will not be able to help you anymore. You have to try and write the correct essay for the prompts every time. Ask people to explain the prompt if you don't understand it. I keep trying to help you but you are not applying the lessons that I am teaching you so the same mistakes keep showing up so I am starting to sound like a broken record in delivering the explanations as to how to analyze and respond to the essays to you.  
  
In this essay, you did not signify the degree of your disagreement (I strongly disagree, I partially disagree, I disagree to a certain extent) and once again you did a compare and contrast essay discussion. Your paraphrased prompt is less than 3 sentences (as required) and you not only presented an opinion where you should not have, but you also discussed a portion of it in the opening statement. All of which will result in a failed TA score and as such, a failed overall score. How can you fix this problem? Read the advice that I gave you for the essays located in <https://essayforum.com/writing/idolization-effects-76873/> and <https://essayforum.com/writing/importance-local-history-opposed-world-76599/> Those are the essays that I already tried to correct for you that have the same problems as this one.