Cao, in my opinion, I believe that your essay will score between a 4-5 at best. Your essay has a number of problem points that need to be addressed so that you will not make the same mistake in your future practice test. The first problem with your essay is that you did not accurately use the first paragraph to represent your English comprehension skills via the proper paraphrasing of the prompt discussion topic and discussion instructions. You instead, launched into a direct discussion of the topic. The first paragraph is written with the assumption that the examiner does not have access to the original prompt requirement and therefore, needs an accurate retelling of the topic and instructions coming from you. That was not the case in this instance. Additionally, you said "I firmly agree" when the instruction was to use the phrase "I agree to a certain extent" since that is the discussion instruction being provided (To what extent do you agree of disagree).  
  
In your second paragraph, you used the term "but" to describe how the robots will make the humans redundant. The correct term to use would have been the connecting word "and" since you already presented previous ideas that tie together in the sentence. The whole paragraph is prone to misused English words which creates a distorted message for the reader. This results in confusion on the examiners part and points will be deducted from your LR and GRA scores in the final consideration.  
  
The next paragraph discusses what the government should do to prevent the problem. This is a mistake because the original instruction dictates that you refer to "society" in the discussion of solutions. Not the government. Be aware of the keywords in every prompt discussion your are provided if you change one keyword, as you did here, you totally change the slant of the discussion and will be scored down in terms of TA considerations.  
  
The TA is where you prove your English comprehension skills. By using the wrong terms in the essay, you show a shallow understanding of the English language and an inability to understand the meaning or the difference between the terms being used in the original prompt. This is highly evident in the last line of your concluding paragraph where you use the term "Shake" (to tremble or vibrate) instead of the proper "sake" (for the purpose of; in the interest of; in order to achieve or preserve.)  
  
By the way, academic writing rules dictate the use of 3-5 sentences per paragraph in these English tests for a very basic reason. You are supposed to show off your English writing skills via the presentation of simple to complex English sentences. Therefore, you need to write more in order to do that.  
  
Simply trying to summarize all of the necessary information in a single sentence proves only one thing, you know how to write run-on sentences, which you will also lose points for in the C&C section of the essay. The C&C criteria is clear on its scoring consideration, you need to present complete paragraphs in each of the paragraphs. You failed to form complete paragraphs in parts of the essay. Specifically in the opening statement and the concluding statement. A paragraph is considered complete when it has an average of 3 and a maximum of 5 sentences in it. Your concluding statement needs to only represent the following in individual sentences:  
  
1. Another paraphrase of the topic for discussion;  
2. A summary of the discussion points presented;  
3. A repetition of your opinion as the closing sentence.  
  
Avoid run on sentences at all costs because it will result in lower scores in the individual considerations and then again, in the overall consideration of the final scoring.