dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Antasena, you are required to post the image along with your essay for all your posts so that we can have a comparison point for your summary essay. It would seem though that you were able to summarize the image to a certain extent in the proper manner. However, the 154 word count doesn't help to establish the grammar range and accuracy of your work due to its brevity. For this type of essay, you must aim to write a maximum of 200 words in order to gain a higher score overall. Your paragraphs often fall short of the 3 sentence minimum requirement. This is why your essay seems to not fully inform the reader and offer a more complete analysis of the image your were provided for the essay. Do your best to create comparison points whenever possible and also, add a more personal touch to your writing so that you do not seem like you are merely rattling off the information as indicated. Such efforts will result in a higher GRA score on your part as well as an increased score possibility in the TA section.
@koganta  
  
 ~~Overall the area was not like it used to be~~ {it is redundancy}.  
... and turned into ~~a~~ commercial buildings and the airport. In the near of ~~eastern~~ east area, the big field opposite right ~~to~~ **of** the petrol station ...  
  
In the ~~eastern~~ east side, the residential ...  
For the ~~southwestern~~ southwest side, the major transformation ...  
  
\*in the first paragraph, you just mention the changing features,. i think it is better if you mention unchanged building because it becomes minor trend and it is interesting to notice.
## Review of changes in an American town

  
  
The maps illustrate regarding to comparing the alteration of American town in 1948 and 2010. It can be seen that both left side and right side of the canal had changed since commercial sector.  
  
In the past, there was enormous number factories, residential, garden and local supermarket setting up at the left side of the canal which is replaceable. In 2010, however, almost these sectors have rebuilt into a specific function such as commercial building were replace from local supermarket. Also, Airport was constructed by replacing several factories. Besides, the garden in which a side part of factory was turned into the supermarket. Finally, commercial building opposite road was erected by replacing residential and local supermarket.  
  
On the other hand, at the right side of the canal. There was a slight alteration of buildings in 2010. Only church which is located in a corner side canal and road has replaced on sports stadium. Henceforth, the number of residential houses all remained stable  
  
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*1st Pic*
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*2nd Pic*
Restuan, the comparison summary essay should have been divided into sectors that represent each sector of the 1948 and 2010 era spaces. That way you could have done a comparison of how each part had changed over time. You have to work harder on developing a summary sentence because the one that you wrote for this essay is very confusing and does not really reflect the kind of summary overview that the graph provides. Your essay should be composed of at least 4 paragraphs in order to possibly gain a better score. Your longest paragraph is paragraph 2. There must be a uniformity in the length of your paragraphs. Each should have at least 3 sentences in and a maximum of 5. The way you wrote your essay is inconsistent with the requirements of a task 1 essay. Both your opening summary and concluding presentation are faulty and short of the required elements. As such, you cannot expect to get a score that represents your actual abilities. The score that best represents your abilities in this essay is a 4.
@restuanlubis  
Pay attention on your word choosen and subject verb agreement:  
The maps illustrate regarding ...  
(It will better to say "The maps illustrate the information to compare the alteration area of ........)  
  
... both left side and right ~~side~~ of the canal had changed because of commercial sector)  
  
However, in 2010 almost all of these sectors have rebuilt ...  
  
Besides, the garden in which ... (This sentence is too indonesian, you may rewrite to : Beside that, the garden has been altered in to the supermarket............)  
  
In the third paragraph, the way you explain your idea seems too complicated, in particular on the first sentence.  
(You may say: On the other hand, There was a slight alteration at the right side of the canal in 2010)
*Q. Women who do not plan to have careers do not need post-grad degrees, and thus they should not be allowed to attend such higher eduction courses. To what extend do you agree or disagree.*  
  
## Women Have The Right To Choose (for over a century now)

  
  
It cannot be denied that the opportunities to learn the desired subjects have been equal for both women and men in these days, but some critics complaint that attending further education courses should not be allowed for women who have decided not to have careers. However, in my opinion, I am convinced that every woman has the right to do what she believes.  
  
To start with, some people claim that permitting women who have no plan to have careers to get a post-grad degree is not an acceptable idea. The first reason for the concern is waste of time and money. Nowadays, the education costs are really high and it takes at least one year to finish a post-grad degree; then what is the reason of spending the precious time and money for a degree which would not be used in their lives. Moreover, it would be the burden to the women and their families as the former have to take care of the families and so the lessons. Another point is that in some culture, many old fashioned people believe that the child raring and household works are only for women as they are considered as second-class citizens, consequently, some women give up their ambition to attend post-grad courses because of the fact that their family members force them to.  
  
Nonetheless, it is my contention that respecting one's freedom of choice is the most important for human beings. In other words, one is entitled to be treated equally without discrimination. Each and every mature and sound person has the privilege to decide one's own destiny as in the 21st century, gender equality and human right are the one factor that indicates the value of being a human. In addition, letting women to continue their higher education would be at least a small action to narrow gender inequality because education is for everyone regardless of gender, race and religion. Generally, women who have high education level have high self-esteem and self-confidence so that they can keep abreast with men even they have no careers. Being highly educated wives can help their husbands by giving advises related with the latter's works.  
  
To conclude, although it is arguable that whether women who would have no careers should be allowed for post-grad degrees or not, I am of the view that women have the right to choose and plan for their lives. Therefore, acknowledging women as human beings not second-class citizens would be the best for women rather giving judgements about them.
Phone, your opening paragraph was almost perfect. Almost perfect because you dropped the ball in the last sentence. You should have completed the presentation of the opinion by saying that you are convinced that every woman has a right to do what she believes, when it comes to her education and that includes attending graduate school. The opinion that you stated was incomplete as it did not accurately address the prompt topic. You were off course by just a very little that it saddened me to see such a slip up on your part. Your arguments are obviously coming from a very personal place and reflects your strong conviction regarding the matter. This is truly one of the better developed essay discussions on this forum, regardless of the grammar problems. In fact, those grammar issues are so negligible that I am not hesitating to score this essay a 6 based upon the strength of your developed arguments. It would have been a 7 if you had just given a more proper opening statement and a better developed conclusion. The problem with your conclusion is the presentation of additional information regarding women instead of simply summarizing and concluding the essay. You have to remember that the closing statement can never be used to present new information as that requires additional discussion that will not allow you to properly close the discussion you have presented.
## Financial Aid - What Types of Schools?

  
  
Current reports in the local area shows that nearly 80% of the general school equipment has been downgraded. As the result of which, parents start to be worried about their offspring and complain the local authorities. At the end of discussion, the dignities made a decision about the innovation of educational facilities.  
  
Classroom technology is a worthy recommendation. It is believed that using advance gadgets will motivate learners effectively, especially for who are majoring in informative technology. Moreover, teachers, nowadays, are in proficiency of utilizing modern instruments such as laptops, i pads and so forth to prepare their lesson plans. Unequipped projectors and electronic teaching tools will not only waste of time and money but also raise breathing problems for lecturers and pupils when using chalks or markers for a long time.  
  
The priority for renovation, however, should be to restore libraries. Researching outside classroom and taking time to read references are essential to learners, therefore, enriching libraries with filtered materials will aid them a lot. Although some people claim that why students have to need books when Internet is always available, the others says many brand-new specialized materials are not updated on network. In addition, most of educational institutions are nursery and primary premises whose pupils there can't use computers and Internet well and are easily distracted by cartoons, games and so on.  
  
Both would be beneficial and necessary to enhance, but reading store would also be advantageous because there are still learners outside who only concentrate when keeping a book in hand rather than an e-book.
You'd better not mention health issues - if you do, you should also point out that the 'modern electronic gadgets' cause cancer and blindness (which is still much better outcome than 'breathing problems' from chalks - at this point, though, I doubt you've ever hold a chalk in your hand because if you did you'd know it does not cause any breathing problems). Finally, you forgot to mention where the 'local authorities' receive money from (normally they produce nothing so they have to take money from someone to give it to someone else).
Dang, the entire premise of the essay is not clearly presented in the opening statement. The topic for discussion seems to be presented however, there is no clear outline as to what the expected successive discussions were supposed to be about. Is this an opinion essay, a comparison essay, or an argumentative essay? The reader is coming into this essay with incomplete information and without forewarning as to what discussions are to follow. Therefore, the essay does not follow the correct format requirement. In any type of essay that you write, for any sort of English exam, the one constant is that the opening statement needs to present the following information:  
  
1. The topic for discussion.  
2. The reason for the discussion.  
3. The kind of discussion that is to follow.  
  
When any of these three basic opening statement features does not get included in your presentation, the essay fails to properly address the task requirements and information presentation. So the essay becomes weak and confusing the reader. While your reasons are understandable to a certain degree, I do not understand why this topic is important for discussion and why it is being discussed this way. The score will not be so good for this essay overall in an actual test setting.
*"Biodiversity importance is being more widely recognized as increasing the numbers of species under threat"*  
  
## What can be done to maintain biodiversity?

  
  
Biodiversity importance is being more widely recognized as increasing the numbers of species under threat. How to protect them is the scope of the many campaigns in order to protect and increase their presence much more. Solutions must be suggested in order to establish and help preserveincreasing the biodiversity. In this essay I'll argue some suggestions introduced.  
  
In a way to protect the already present rare species either animal or plants we need to launch more campaigns that would take care in increasing awareness about the threat coming of losing such species. As young kids being new to such concept and may not know what's the importance of biodiversity to their future life, it's quite needed to discuss the importance of biodiversity to their future planet in their lessons; going to camps and let them know about these plants and animals threatened more closer. However people may disagree that getting deep in such subject in their children lesson as it's considered a waste of time and more important subject need to be discussed.  
  
Other solutions suggested is by provide a major protection for animals as being an important part of biodiversity. One way suggested is by building natural open zoos where they can live and reproduce naturally simulating their original occurring habitats. These zoos must be protected against hunting, no people can live there as it may contain dangerous animals to be lived with. Moreover, a specialized units in nursery and doctors must present. This can be done for plants in the same manner as having them in unique agricultural media where they can be protected and reproduced without any external threat.  
  
At the end, these suggestions should be considered as preserving biodiversity is essential to keep this planet works normally as it used to before our presence. On the other hand, we don't see that attention given to such important topic instead we see a careless acts and negligence from both government and people toward keeping what's destroyed before. More attention must be given and more acts must be organized to have a healthier planet.
Sabrena, the prompt discussion and instructions are not clear in your opening statement. The outline for discussion is not logically presented. Additionally, you are not arguing in this essay but rather, presenting ideas. Therefore to say that your essay will "argue suggestions" creates a conflict. A suggestion cannot be argued because an argument indicates a disagreement on at least two sides of the discussion which, in this case, doesn't exist as you did not mention any conflicting sides in your opening statement.  
  
Make it a habit to only present one idea for discussion per paragraph. That is because you only have 5 sentences at the most with which to discuss your reasons. Presenting a second idea within the same paragraph is not possible as you will be unable to fully develop your reasons for that discussion. More importantly, please make sure that you do not deviate from the prompt requirement, as you did in the second paragraph, by presenting a secondary, unrelated topic for discussion.  
  
The rest of your argument seems to be acceptable and allows for a logical flow of thought. While the grammar is problematic, your discussion is not so blurred that the reader will not be able to understand what you are saying. The discussion is acceptable and understandable.
Hi @Sabrena\_amal  
  
Biodiversity importance is being more widely recognized as increasing the numbers of species under threat.  
It is really alike with the prompt, even so you really need to paraphrase the sentence.  
  
In this essay I'll argue some suggestions introduced.  
IELTS essay is comprised academic writing, meaning that you have to avoid using contractions on yours  
  
no people can live there as it may contain dangerous animals to be lived with  
i think this sentence does not relate to the topic that you are asked to discuss and also in the paragraph you placed.  
  
In body paragraph, you can emphasize your idea by using example rather than add additional idea that seems like need more explanation to deliver.  
  
In conclusion, you can paraphrase your thesis statement and main ideas so that it can finalize your thoughts.  
  
hope it helps you
## ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES OF NUCLEAR TECHNOLOGY.

  
  
Currently we are frequently seeing an announcement or news regarding the renewable energy of nuclear technology either in the TV media or in newspaper. Although this power bring about plenty of drawbacks in particular to people live and environment. However, this also has benefits to human life for a long time due to the fact that it has declined a waste of natural resources.  
  
There are several reasons why nuclear technology is really worthwhile for humans life. Firstly, fossil fuel like oil and gas are running out at this present time, instead of this, nuclear is able to replace this energy. Taking an example, according to the specialist, this power could be replace the use of natural resources such as coal, oil, and gas. Another reason is that they could help to reduce carbon emission and green house effect which accounts for global warming. Furthermore, these are the merits of nuclear technology that tremendously integral to human life.  
  
However, this power also has many negative impact neither on the environment nor human life. Refers to the investigation of Observer, people are worried that terrorist could steal these radioactive materials and uses it in a wrong ways. Moreover, there is no way to decontaminate this radioactive material up to now. At last, it is important to note that it's more safety to generate energy from solar, wind or water power instead of utilize nuclear.  
  
To conclude, despite the fact that nuclear technology bring some benefits for human. However, it also has many disadvantages for human and environment.
Ahmad, I am afraid that although you wrote a little more than 250 words, the essay that you developed was so improperly discussed that you cannot get a passing score for this essay. The only possible score for this would be a 3 based on a number of reasons. Please take note of these observations and apply the suggested changes to your future practice tests.  
  
First of all, there is a clear misunderstanding of the prompt requirement. The original prompt for this required you to take a stand either in agreement or disagreement with the point of view tha*t "The benefits of nuclear technology far out-weight the disadvantages."* Since you improperly represented the prompt paraphrasing, you immediately failed the task accuracy portion of the test. It should not be difficult to get a better score in the TA portion. All you have to do is write your paraphrased prompt and then immediately compare it with the original prompt. If your prompt does not follow the original format, then your paraphrasing is wrong.  
  
The second problem with your essay is that you did not take a clear stand in agreement or disagreement with the prompt. This should have been represented in the paraphrased opening statement as a part of the discussion outline. You instead referred to research sources, which were not clearly identified as such in the essay. This caused another failure on your part in terms of task accuracy.  
  
The third problem, is that your grammar range and accuracy is highly problematic. While it is possible to make sense out of what you have written, its presentation could use some improvement. The reader might decide to stop reading your work simply because of the grammatical errors that you have in the essay. Try to use simple sentences that depict a clean English sentence instead of trying to be complex and causing the reader undue stress.  
  
Finally, your conclusion is too short. It has to be made longer, at least 3 sentences in order to properly wrap up the discussion by presenting an updated summary of the previous information presented. If you work on improving all of these points in your next essay, you should manage too show some improvement and perhaps, a slight increase in your score as well.
Hi @anonym28  
First of all, please insert the prompt so that essay forum members are able to give you required solutions. However, i will give you several suggestions.  
  
taking an example, according to the specialist, this power could be replace the use of natural resources such as coal, oil, and gas.  
you managed to use research sources in your body paragraph, but it is unclear because you do not include the exact and clear sources that may be a journal or article from news.  
  
In your body two paragraph, the final sentence does not balance your explanation  
In your conclusion, you are able to conclude essay based on your thesis statement and main ideas rather than just write normative sentences.  
In academic writing, please avoid using contractions.  
  
hope it helps you
**Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?**  
  
## Railroads and Highway Budgets

  
  
Some people believe that it is a pity if governments spend their budget on improving railways instead of roads as travelling by train is not faster and convenient than driving on our own private vehicle. In my judgement, I personally agree that governments should expenditure more money on railways. There are two reasons for my perspective on this.  
  
To commence with, railways offer safe commutation for both traders and inhabitants. The reason explains to this safety is that trains can carry numerous passengers and packages on their own railroad, which trigger it to be more securer than road. Additionally, the annual percentage of death level from driving on the road recorded is always higher than that from train. As the result, the safety factor should to be put on top of people's choice when commuting.  
  
Equally important, rails predispose less damage to environment due to its less consumption in energy. That car, bus, motorbike and many vehicle are the main factor emit a ton of CO2 into the atmosphere annually, which can compares to the inconsiderable amount of train's emission. For instance, the fact that Singapore is one of the most cleanest country owing to its famous train networking called MRT, which encourages that nation's citizens to use less their private vehicles. Consequently, Singapore is free from not only air pollution but also congestion.  
  
In conclusion, railways offers more benefits to us than roads but the government should take how much they will invest money on rails into account. Besides, they also have certain money on road to ameliorate road standard.