dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Your prompt paraphrase is incomplete. You did a good job restating the topic and responding to the personal opinion. However, you failed to deliver the response to the "why" portion, which is part of the discussion outline requirement of that paragraph. You should have stated your reason there before your personal opinion. That is why your first paragraph is short by 1 sentence in reference to the paragraph sentence minimum requirement.  
  
There are instances when your essay lacks a clear reference and vocabulary usage. What is a male playground in relation to a football match? That sentence did not make sense no matter how many times I read it. What are you referring to by man sports? The correct term is "male sports". Your essay suffers a lot in the C&C scoring section. You need to develop clear sentence writing skills. Do more sentence building exercises alongside your essay writing to help you develop clearer sentence presentations.
## **In some countries, owing a home rather than renting one is very important for people**

.  
*Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?*  
  
Nowadays, in several nations, people believe that owing a home is acknowledged that is more essential than hiring a place for living. There is a reason for this and I suppose this is a positive situation.  
  
People think that a home ownership is more important the other because it gives them a sense of belonging. In other words, they will want to protect and maintain their own house if they have. For example, when someone possess a house, this house is usually decorated by its owners. Because of that, all of things in the house such as furniture will completely suits for those possessors, which make them belong to those places. Therefore, individuals do not want to pay for the expense of renting accommodations.  
  
In my opinion, this behavior is totally positive because of its benefit. To be clear, if people own a home, they will settle their life. For instance, some individuals regularly change their living places due to inconveniences and annoyance from the houses which are not decorated for themselves. Those can easily comfort in their own after possessing and repairing to suit for them. As a result, they will have a chance to stabilize in a certain place without repetitive movements. Furthermore, a property possession can raise people's social status. Specifically, people will have a better perspective from others in the society compared to individuals who must spend on a rent expense.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that people want to own a house rather than pay a fixed amount of money for hiring because a home will give them a sense of belonging and this affects positively on their life because of its advantage.
You should never offer a voice of uncertainty in the essay. You are scored on the strength of your decision based on your chosen opinion. By saying "suppose", that means that you are not convinced of the opinion you chose. Therefore, your defense will be weak and questionable. Always have a voice of authority and conviction. Clearly support an opinion and discuss why. Never say "I am not sure" in the discussion, it will affect your overall score.  
  
You need to write with clarity. In the first paragraph, your first sentence is a bit confusing to read. The structure is not clear enough. You could have simply said:  
  
*Several nations believe that it is better to own a house instead of leasing one. This is the case because... Due to this reason, I believe this is a positive situation.*  
  
Such a format would have been clearer and also, properly outlined the discussion points as required in the paragraph. That is what the instructions require of the writer.  
  
Good job on using first person pronouns to indicate your clear opinion. Good work on the example as well/ It helped to support the first reason, which means your essay is coherent and cohesive. You should get an acceptable score in that section.  
  
More work needed on the concluding statement. You should be summarizing the discussion topics for the reader. It should not be in the form of a run on sentence. The 3-5 sentence requirement still applies.
Hi this is my essay, I'd be thankful if you leave some advice, thank you!  
  
## arguments for and against houses and apartments

  
  
***Some people prefer to live in a house, while others feel that there are more advantages to living in an apartment.  
Are there more advantages than disadvantages of living in a house compared with living in an apartment?***  
  
People have different views about whether living in houses or apartments. While it is often stated that there are great benefits to stay in houses, I would argue that apartments are better places to live due to some advantages.  
  
Regarding to houses, some people stated that it would be better to stay in a house with their own garden, especially for people who enjoy gardening or raising pets. As you live in a house, you do not need to use public garages, it would be more convenient for car collectors to have spaces in order to maintain their interests.  
  
On the other hand, apartments have their own attractions for its benefits. In major cities, apartments are choosen to live mostly by young people. Apartments provide a much more comfortable and safe way of living for busy people constantly working and studying. Moreover, compared to houses, apartments are much more beneficial to afford, people can buy immediately or pay by installments which is up to personal finance. In addition, apartments particularly locate in central cities with much morden facilities which is suitable for a trending lifestyle.  
  
However, when it comes to privacy, apartments might not be a good choice, where noise pollution and lack of securities occur widely. People are possibly live next to some impolite neighbors which can cause conflicts and even losing belongings due to low-qualified local security.  
  
Not everyone can afford a house. For low income people, it would be a problem to maintain a house and run it properly.  
To sum up, there are strong arguments for and against houses and apartments, they both certainly have pros and cons. But in my view, I must say that apartments seem a gift of modern way of life.
This is not a 5 paragraph essay. This only a 4 paragraph essay because the discussion requires you to discuss only a single opinion. It is not a comparative discussion with personal opinion essay. You have overwritten in this task. You should be focusing only on the discussion that you support in the given statement, that is the advantage aspect. The stronger discussion presentation for this type of essay is always the one that focuses only on the defense and support of a single opinion.  
  
Do not break from the formatting requirements. The essay paragraphs must always have a minimum of 3 sentences. Your paraphrase, 2nd paragraph, 4th, and 5th paragraph presentation are not in accordance with the required discussion format. It would be better for your overall score if you stuck to the expected paragraph count and also, the expected number of sentences (3-5 sentences).
## my favorite English teacher

  
  
Who was your favorite teacher in school? What did that person teach?  
What did you like best about him or her?  
Tell us about something you learned from him or her.  
  
Jesesca is the name of my favorite English teacher. She is the best English teacher I have ever known. She is quite young, 27 years old, but her knowledge is very good. The thing I like most about her is enthusiasm. She is not only take care of students during class time but also willing to answer any difficult lesson at home, so our English level is improoved. Because of her enthusiasm, I realize that I am not only responsible for work on the office hours but also support my colleague at home.
Are you sure the name of your teacher isn't Jessica? Perhaps you misspelled it? You don't really justify why you believe she is the best English teacher. You should have presented some character traits that helped convince you she is a good teacher. The overall description of your teacher is not very informative nor believable. Perhaps it is because of the short length of your response. With only 93 words, you have left plenty of room to further develop a written image of your teacher. Try to use at least 150 words next time. Pay attention to your spelling, grammar, and vocabulary usage. Those were the sections with the most errors in this essay,  
  
Spelling:  
  
improoved - improved  
  
Grammar:  
take care - taking care  
  
Vocabulary usage:  
very good - exceptionally good
## Proportion of population aged 65 and over

  
  
The graph illustrates the percentage of people who are 65 and over in Japan, Sweden, American from 1940 and predicts the future trend to 2040.  
Overall, all three countries witnessed significant growth in the aging population over a century. Despite the general increasing trend, Japanese elderly people have the most noticeable fluctuation.  
  
In 1940, the proportion of the population aged 65 and above of all three nations was lower 10%. For 60 years, there was a gradual increase in the figure for the USA and Sweden. Besides increasing, the number of people 65 and above of America remained slightly higher than those of Sweden, just about 5%. In contrast, the figure for Japan went down until the 1980s when it began to change direction.  
  
The remainder of the period saw a significant change in the percentage of elderly people in all three countries. The number of older people in the US remained below 15% throughout two-decade before growing considerably to nearly 23% in 2040. During the same period, despite an increasing trend in both Japan and Sweden, a more dramatic rise is predicted between 2030 and 2040 in Japan.  
  
*
For the summary overview, you did a good job, but failed to indicate the measurement type as part of the summary. You should be indicating that the measurements were done in percentages so as to give clarity to the method of measurement presentation to the reader. Remember, the reader doesn't have a copy of this image so you need to give the reader as much information as possible for them to be able to create an imaginary image of the information you are presenting.  
  
When you mention a gradual increase, mention what the measurement was for the increase. It will help to add to the conciseness of your presentation. As for Japan, what was the lowest point of measurement? You should indicate the data. You are writing a data report so you should not hold back on the data presentation. You need to know how to present assumptions of measurement or actual measurements that will help create a complete report for the reader.  
  
Which 2 decades are you referring to in relation to America and the number of the elderly people? Listen, you need to understand that you cannot leave the reader guessing. This is a report, the reader doesn't have the time to guess, and they need to be properly informed. So use all the data you can find in the image to help with your report presentation. Otherwise, you leave your reader with more questions than answers about the image.
Hi, I would like to give some opinions for your essay.  
  
Your essay is written well. Using fluctuation as the main idea is very nice, but you can make your essay sharper by adding the dominating country from the graph. For example you can highlight that USA has the most proportion from the 40's until the 90's and slightly before 2000. Also Sweden is predicted to have the most from the new millenium until early 20's, while Japan is estimated to have the most by 2040 (you already pointed Japan though).  
  
Hope this helps :)
*Hi! Here is my Toefl writing task 2 essay. Please help me review it. Thank you!*  
  
Topic:  
  
***DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH THE FOLLOWING STATEMENT?  
  
It is better for people to choose jobs that come with high salaries even though they do not enjoy doing it than to choose jobs that they enjoy but come with low salaries.  
  
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.***  
  
My essay:  
  
There are many factors that need taking into account when making a career choice, including salary and personal interests. Nevertheless, whether people should pursue a well-paid job that they dislike or a low-paid job that they are passionate about remains controversial. In my opinion, chasing our dream jobs is always better even if they offer low wages. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following paragraphs.  
  
Firstly, following the job that we have no interest in reduces our chances of stepping up the career ladder. If we do not love the job, we are likely to give a poor performance in the workplace and not being able to achieve the highest level of personal productivity. Working environment is highly competitive and people with passion and dedication for the same job can easily outshine us. They produce better outcomes at work and make better impressions on the manager. Employers prefer someone with willingness and capability to complete the work efficiently and effectively. Consequently, those with no interest for the job face the risk of being passed over for promotion.  
  
Secondly, people choosing a job that they do not enjoy may suffer from pressure and job-dissatisfaction. The majority of our time during the day is spent on work. Hence, having to deal with tasks and projects that we find boring can cause us to feel stressed and discouraged. Take my uncle as an example, in order to cope with financial burden, he decided to choose a job that offers a high salary even though he did not enjoy. It was demanding and my uncle had to work very hard. As a result, he did not derive any pleasure from his job. Sometimes, he even stayed up all night to meet the deadline, which was extremely unpleasant. Having to struggle with works that he does not enjoy made him feel irritated and upset.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that people should pursue a career that they love despite the low salary rather than a high-paid job that they dislike. Otherwise, they not only have less opportunity of promoting to higher positions but also suffer from job-dissatisfaction.
In this discussion, you should have shown a comparison between people who do the job for money and those who do it because they enjoy doing the job. You could have used both your discussion points, but offered an alternative scenario so that the examiner would have a better idea of why you believe that people who work in jobs they love, even if the pay is lower, would be more productive and happier when doing their paid tasks. As of now, you have given good discussion representations related to the "unhappiness" of people working in jobs only for money. The discussion lacks balance, the balance would have come from the "low pay but happy worker" presentation of the essay.
Hi, I would like to provide my thoughts of your essay.  
  
Your essay has a very strong stance of disagreeing with the statement. It is very nice and surely builds a good essay. However you can improve it by writing a more all-round essay. In other words, in addition of stating your stance and support arguments, it will be better if you provide cases where the opposite side of your stance may also fare well. That way your essay will be more balanced and will shine brighter.  
  
Hope this helps :)
***Topic: Some people think that schools should select students according to their academic abilities, while others believe that it is better to have students with different abilities studying together.***  
  
## **DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND STATE YOUR OWN OPINION.**

  
Here is my essay. Feel free to give advice. Thanks a lot!  
  
It is undeniable that students possess different levels of academic capacities. Therefore, some arguments stated that educational institutions need to classify students based on their qualifications. Others claim that students with various types of abilities had better study in the same class. In my opinion, we should categorize students only in high schools and universities.  
  
The most supported reason for choosing students according to their academic abilities is to guarantee the general improvement of the class. Having the same qualification, students can be taught by the same teaching methods without fears of being left behind or underestimated by teachers or classmates. However, this class type may discourage students from striving to get outstanding academic results.  
  
On the contrary, the main advantage of studying with students of different capacities is that strengths and weaknesses are shared with each other. While well-qualified students seem to be boring and lack of soft skills, the others with low study marks, who really need help from not only teachers but also their well-studied classmates, always bring entertainments to the class. Nevertheless, this kind of class may sparks conflicts between excellent students and the below-average ones due to some disagreement.  
  
To the best of my knowledge, I believe that classifying students based on their academic abilities should only be done in high school and higher education. Due to the necessity of socialization in childhood, students in primary and secondary schools need to learn how to treat others of different qualifications properly. From the age of 16, they are able to realize their academic capacities and very sensitive when it comes to being compared to excellent students. Therefore, high schools need to select students according to their studious capacities.  
  
In conclusion, studying with students of either different or the same academic abilities are essential for the overall development. However, categorization should only be done by high schools and universities.
Your opinion should not have been stated in the opening paraphrase. You should only be repeating the discussion instructions in your own words in that paragraph. Your opinion should only be indicated in the 4th paragraph of the essay based on a comparison of the 2 public opinions. Your opinion cannot be given based on an opinion that does not exist in the original discussion. The opinion you present should be a culmination of the comparative discussion of the 2 public points of view. The only choices you have for the discussion are based on the provided information. You should never create your own opinion as you are scored based on your understanding and defense of the existing opinion, that you have decided to support.  
  
Since the original prompt refers to "some people" and "others", the same gender free pronoun references should be indicated in the reasoning paragraphs. You can use other terms, to clarify that you are not yet discussing a personal opinion. Some terms you can use are alternative groups, and supporting sectors. You have to use these reference terms to make it clear to the reader that you are merely explaining the point of view, without actually supporting it. Once you discuss your personal opinion, you should use a first person reference that will help you illustrate why you support one of the two specific discussion presentations.  
  
Your conclusion should be divided into sentences that indicate the separate representations of the previous discussion:  
- The topic  
- The first point of view and reason  
- The second point of view and reason  
- The personal opinion and reason
## Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads

  
  
*To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?  
  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own  
knowledge or experience.*.  
  
It is argued that railways are taking over roads as the most important transport type so that the government should pay more money on it, I completely agree and think that government should spend money on railways rather than roads.  
  
Firstly, railways do not have the problem of traffic jams. Since the operation mode of railways are settle in a timetable which there is only one train in a certain position, it will not occur traffic jam and stuck the path. In contrast, roads are in thousands of cars at the same time. Therefore, there are more accidents and traffic jam issue. It shows that money use in railways is more effective than roads. For example, during the traffic peak time like in the morning and evening, roads are always stuck by numerous of cars while railways are running effectively and never stuck. That's why spending money on railways are better than on the roads.  
  
Secondly, railways can benefit all types of humans. In other words, railways can carry the elderly, children, adults, and those without a license while most of the cars on roads are private cars. Although there are buses on roads, there are still fewer amount of citizens who benefited from the development or improvement on roads compared to railways. For instance, the child is unable to drive private cars on the road when he can take any kind of railways. It provides the reason for spending money on railways instead of roads.  
  
To conclude, I strongly believe that paying money to improve railways are more advantageous than roads because railways do not have the issue of traffic jam and most of us can benefit from it.
Hi, your essay is good. However, i have some suggestions for you  
1. Your introduction should be separated into 2 different sentences, because the first sentence is a common argument, and the second is your opinion. In the second sentence, I think you should only use "agree" like "agree with the government's proposal of spending more money..."  
  
2.the operation mode of railways ~~are~~-> is  
3. You should use more synonyms of railway and road such as subway, highway...  
Hope my suggestions useful!
You are misleading the reader. YOu have changed the discussion topic and discussion slant because of your improper prompt paraphrasing. When your prompt restatement is incorrect, your overall score will suffer. The error is clear in the breakdown below:  
  
Original topic: Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads  
  
Your Topic: It is argued that railways are taking over roads as the most important transport type so that the government should pay more money on it,  
  
The original prompt does not indicate that railways are taking over roads as a transportation type. This is an incorrect statement as it is not supported by the original prompt. You should only be delivering new statements based on the original content and information. Do not make up your own discussion topics or reference points for the restatement. However, your response is still on track in reference to the question response.  
  
Your prompt restatement and concluding summary do not meet the minimum 3 sentence requirement. These are not properly formatted into paragraphs. Both are run-on sentences and will receive proper points deductions in reference to the TA and GRA scoring considerations.