dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
THE DIAGRAMS BELOW SHOW THE DESIGN FOR A WIND TURBINE AND ITS LOCATION  
SUMMARIZE THE INFORMATION BY SELECTING AND REPORTING THE MAIN FEATURES, AND MAKE COMPARISONS WHERE RELEVANT  
  
The diagrams shows turbine for generating electricity from wind and where it can be paced to get the best locations. Overall, it can be seen that while the turbine appears to be a simple architecture of harnessing renewable energy and it can be installed in the deeper sea and in the high mountain to get higher electricity than in the domestic turbine. The best location is in the bottom sea because air landscape cannot be spoiled.  
  
The turbine consist of blades while it is made by fiber glass or wood, wind sensor while it is used for now direction and speed. In addition, the turbine needs equipment such as generator, stell tower and computer. The process start when wind comes the turbine and it moves a turbine which is connected to a wind sensor. After that, speed and direction will be controlled by wind sensor. Then, direction and angle can be inform by computer-info from sensor adjusts blades. As a result, data can be transformed to a generator and more electricity can be generated.  
  
Besides that, the turbine can be placed near the coast and in this case it can be installed at under sea level and on top of mountain. However wind near the coast or domestic turbine tend to be a smaller and so less electricity is produced just 100 kilowatts. Alternatively, the turbine can be placed in the bottom of sea level and on top of mountain where the wind are larger and more electricity can be generated until 1.5 megawatts. Especially, the landscape cannot be spoiled if wind turbine can be placed in the under sea level.
Overall, it can be seen that ~~while~~ the turbine appears to (...) it can be installed in ~~the deeper~~ sea and ~~in~~on the high mountain to get ~~higher electricity than in the domestic turbine~~the efficiency electricity power . The best location is in ~~the bottom~~[you mean under water??] sea because ~~air~~ landscape cannot be spoiled.  
  
The turbine consist of blades ~~while it is~~which is made by fiber (...), wind sensor ~~while it~~ is used for now ...  
... and direction will be ~~controlled~~[controlled or detectected??? by wind sensor.
Hello Willy!  
Allow me to give you some suggestion.  
  
The diagrams ~~shows~~ show mechanism of turbine (...) and where it can be ~~paced~~ placed to get ...  
  
In addition , the turbine needs equipment ...  
After that , speed and direction will be controlled...  
Then , direction and angle..  
**Try to make complex sentences to reduce conjunction word**  
  
...tend to be a smaller and so less *as a consequence* electricity is produced just 100 kilowatts.  
  
I hope it can help you.  
Keep practice for make it perfect :)
Hello, here is my advice for you:  
  
1. The diagrams show~~s~~( you have to use v1 only, because diagrams = plurals)  
  
2. ... of harnessing renewable energy and it can be installed in the deeper seaand in the high mountain ... (there is repetition in your sentence, you should range another sentences ). it should be " it can be seen that the turbine which appears as a simple architecture can be installed .....................  
  
3. ... is in the bottom sea, because............(don't forget to put "coma" before because.... )  
  
4. The turbine consist of blades ~~while~~which~~it~~ is made by ...  
  
5. ..., stell tower, and computer.  
Then, direction and angle can be informed (after be +v3 ) by computer-info from ...  
  
6. ... placed near the coast and ~~in this case~~~~it~~ can be installed at ...  
  
I think you did your job! good luck
Hallo willy.. here my suggestion for you..  
  
The diagrams ~~shows~~ ( subject in plural so it should be "show) turbine for generating (...) it can be ~~paced~~ (typo here.. it should be placed ) to get ~~the best locations.~~the maximum electricity  
  
... in the deeper sea and ~~in the high mountain~~over the hill to get higher electricity ...  
The best location is in the ~~bottom~~ sea because ~~air~~ landscape cannot be spoiled.  
  
Hope it works... good luck 😀🖒
***The charts below show the results of a survey on happiness ratings for married and unmarried people in the US, and the effect of children on the overall ratings of married couples.***  
  
The bar chart tells the information about the answer people gave about the satisfaction rates for married and unmarried couple in the United States and the children's effect on their parent's happiness. Overall, the level of the pleasure of married partner is two-fold than unmarried one except for older people and the present of children does not have a big effect on their family.  
  
For the age having 18-64 age, the median percentage of contentment of happy people (43 percent) is almost double than unmarried one (21 percent). For older people, it can be seen that the married people tend to be happier for having 44 percent of satisfaction level than unmarried one which can only reach 34 percent of happiness. The data shows that the happiness rates for American are below than a half.  
  
Children do not affect the happiness of the family. It can be seen that children under 18 only give 44 percent, while for children above 18, they only gave a slight increase by one percent. 43 percent is the happy percentage for a nuclear family without having any child. A small difference indicates that children will not affect the joy of married couple.  
  
*
The bar ~~**chart**~~ tells the information ~~about the answer people gave~~ about the satisfaction rates ...  
  
1. charts ---> plural. Because it has shown 2 charts not only one.  
  
2. about .... about...  
It's not effective. I think you'd better use the satisfaction, because the data already refer to people answer  
  
3. For ~~the age having~~ 18-64 age  
For the 18 - 64 age  
  
untuk usia yang punya usia 18 - 64 ???  
  
Children do not affect the happiness of the family  
  
You can't state that, because there is still a difference between the children and no children. You just mention very little, or slightly, or other that means very small effect. Except you add word "tend to do not effect"--- and explain it because only small different.
Hi Ivan.  
These are my thoughts towards your writing.  
  
the pleasure of married partner is two-fold than unmarried  
Avoid mentioning the number in the overview. It will seem like detailed information. You are enough to write "OVERALL, IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT THERE IS A CIRCUMSTANCE A MARRIED COUPLE FEELS HAPPIER THAN UNMARRIED ONE. IN ANY CASE, THE NUMBER OF CHILDREN DOES NOT IMPACT SIGNIFICANTLY ON PARENTS' HAPPINESS.  
  
*Besides that, you have to remember that each good paragraph has at least 3 sentences so that you should create 2 sentences for the overview.*  
  
... of happy people (43 percent) is ~~almost~~ MORE THAN double ~~than~~ OF THE RATE of unmarried one (21 percent).  
... happiness rates for American GENERALLY are below than a half.  
  
Turning to the second paragraph, you have described the data well.  
Please, you provide more time to read the examples of writing task 1. It will help you to group the data.  
Keep Writing  
GOOD LUCK  
:D
Haloo.. hope this works. Good luck !  
  
The bar ~~chart~~CHARTS  
*(itis due to in the picture there are 2 bar charts)*  
~~tells~~show  
*(because 2 subjects so without s or es)*  
  
For the ~~age~~(repititon of age) having 18-64 age, the median percentage (...) who happy... ~~(43 percent)~~you can make this percentation be one sentence..
Building a military has been conceived as one of the most essential parts of countries because cities can be prevented from enemies attacking innocent civilians. Some people also believe building a military can reinforce security of their countries. People are always exposed to a variety of threats in different forms such as a murder case, activities of terrorism, and violent protests which can bring considerable chaos to their cities. In my perspective, if a military is to be built near my community, I will support their actions. A military can strengthen people's security. It will also transform one's country to be stronger.  
  
First of all, securing one's safety is considered undeniably important among lots of people especially in large cities. Some of them may believe the police are not enough to accomplish the task. For example, if a violent protest is held in the middle of a city, lots of people can physically hurt others due to some political reasons. I'm fully aware that the police are mostly entrusted with the job to deal with all the aggressive protesters. In the worst-case scenario, however, we may expect the protesters to take control over a government by resorting to extreme violence; therefore, lots of people can be harmed or even decimated during the protest. Thus, I believe a military will be a perfect solution for such problems.  
  
Secondly, a strong military is the most integral part of the strongest countries in the world. Powerful armies indirectly decide who takes more advantages than others do when it comes to negotiations between countries. Without strength, freedom would have never been achieved. The United States of America would not have been regarded as the most powerful country without its unrivaled military. Switzerland would not be able to remain neutral without its military as well.  
  
In conclusion, more people have to support building a stronger military in order to secure their safety and protect innocent people from being attacked or terrorized. Armies might be seemingly good to many people but they need to be conscious of their possible threats. Overly powered armies can cause one's country to experience a coup someday. So there is nothing that is good or perfect for eternity. If something is used in the right way, no harms will be made.
Rick, when you state your opinion in the introduction, do not say "I will...". Rather, indicate that "I support..." I will indicates that you are not yet, but will, in the future, support the stand presented. The essay asks you to take a stand and support it now, at present time. So your response should reflect that the decision you made is current and not something to be done in the future.  
  
The reasons you presented shows that you practiced analytical thinking and developed a logical thought process as you developed the essay. There is a clear pattern of thought and presentation in the essay. Even though there are some grammatical errors that need to be addressed. These errors are so minor that they don't really affect the way you delivered the central message of the essay.  
  
Good work on the conclusion. It was smooth and really summarized the essay bullet points in a relaxing and informative manner.
The grammatical errors lie mostly in sentence structure and development. The way development of the sentence is not as solid as it can be because of the confusion in tense usage and similar issues. It will be difficult for me to actually present the errors in the essay because of the numerous errors within. However a can show you an example of an improved paragraph that you can use to assess the other paragraphs that need improvement. This is a revision of paragraph 2:  
  
*Securing a country requires the building of a powerful military force. While the police force is expected to defend the large cities within the country, the department is not fully equipped to deal with defending the country when an invasion occurs. While the police can handle a protest within city limits, they will not be capable of defending the city is say, ISIS decides to invade their country from all sides of their borders. Such extreme violence requires more highly trained and skilled defenders who use specialized defense equipment to keep invaders at bay. In such instances, only the military force of any given country would have the ability to defend their country and its borders effectively.*
**The world of work is changing rapidly. Working conditions today are not the same as before and people no longer rely on taking one job for life. Discuss the possible causes for these changes and give your suggestion which can be taken in the future!**  
  
Working life today is different than past generation and people have to take more than one professions for the rest of their life. It is caused by highly necessities of human life. Therefore, people should restrict their necessity and just bought what they needed than wanted, to reduce their outcome.  
  
It is known that in recent days, people are taking more than one profession due to the high cost of human life. It happens because the necessity of humans such as accommodations, clothes, and refreshments always gradually increase every year. As a result, people have to add the others income for sufficing their necessities because their salaries cannot accommodate it. Research from California University in 2009 claimed that the necessities of humans are growing by 5% than 2008. By this study, it is believed that people tend to take more than one job as the impact of constantly increase human necessities cost.  
  
Furthermore, to face this trend, people have to minimize their necessities for managing their income. It means that people must restrict with their necessities for balancing between incomes and outcomes. The result for this is that people can save much money and use it for the long-term investment. A current study by University of Manchester in 2010 found that 67% of people who economical have a good significant in their savings. Thus, it is true that minimizing of human necessities can help them to manage their finance for the future.  
  
The aforementioned evidence reveals that people have to manage their finance because nowadays human necessities are becoming high. It is important for them in order to reduce a number of people which takes more than one job.
Hi! I have some feedback for you!  
  
...reveals ~~that~~ people have to manage...  
  
It is important for them in order to reduce a number of people ... should be  
To reduce the number of people having/ taking (you can use both) more than one job/ profession in the future (you can use both), it is very important to manage and control their income.  
  
Or you can simply mixed both sentences  
  
The aforementioned evidence reveals ~~that~~ people have to manage their finance ~~because~~as nowadays human necessities are becoming high~~.~~ so that to reduce the number of people having more than one job in the future, i it is very important to manage and control the income/ finance (you can use both)
**Psychologist have known for many years that color can affect how people feel. For this reason, attention should be given to color schemes when decorating place such as office and hospitals.  
  
How true is this statement?  
How far does color influence people's health and capacity for work?**  
  
A large number of experts claim that a color gives a certain impact in the people's mood. In fact, it is suggested that we should pay high regard for color schemes with the intention of decorating office's and hospital's interior. I personally argue that it is true that particular color affects people's feel such purple color promote people's mood such peaceful, high spirituality, wise and high intimacy. Due to the fact that, the certain color like red color which reflects powerful energy and high spirit. Those are very convenient for office room interior to encourage workers energy and spirit in workplace while sky blue color ponders to decelerate the rate of pulse and enhance high concentration.  
  
It is generally believe that the color influence people's mood such purple which reflects high spirituality, wise and intimacy. Since, the purple color presents psychological messages such a non-verbal communication for people who look it. The psychologists from Colorado University conducted research in 2009, carried out that there is a high correlation between purple color and emotional symptoms. The people who wear clothes purple color influence their spirituality while the indigo children which always relate to purple have an emotional trend in wise, peaceful and high intimacy in their relationship.  
  
Consequently, most experts hold a meticulous consideration when they try to decorate particular rooms such as workplaces and hospitals. Most psychologists suggest that red color is convenient for office room while sky blue for hospital. Which is because red color presents special mood like powerful energy and high spirit and sky blue affects to decelerate of pulse, high concentration, peacefulness. Giving special decoration for office and hospital will influence the workers to enhance their performance in the workplace and the symptoms patient's deceases can be reduced.  
  
In 2010, Anna Waitford from Curtin University pointed out that there is a high correlation between the colors room's decoration and people behavior when they keep in touch in the areas such red color can increase employer's performance in the workplace. Having said that, another improves patient's health and reduces the level of deceases. "I have proofed that many hospitals and offices color schemes correlate to specific behavior like as I mention before" Said Anna.  
  
Clearly, I would argue that there is a correlation between particular colors and people's feel. As a result in the certain area such office room and hospital need to be consider in their color's decoration. Which is because reflects people's emotions and behaviors.
Fadhil, you got your introduction and your conclusion mixed up. Your closing statement works best as part of the introduction. That is because the introduction requires you to present your opinion. The opinion you state should not include factual or observed evidence yet. The job of the introduction is only to present the prompt and an overview of your opinion. The actual discussion should be reserved for the body paragraphs that come after the introduction.  
  
What makes this essay good is that you were conscious enough to remember that presenting actual facts, such as the opinion of Anna Waitford, can increase your chances of a higher score. The mere fact that you presented this as part of your supporting explanation shows that you not only understand the prompt, but that you actually have a familiarity with the prompt provided. This increases the importance of your personal opinion and overall skill in writing the essay.
Topic : **some people believe that playing games can teach us some lessons. What are lessons? What are your opinions?**  
  
Some people say that playing games can teach us lessons. I think it is true. From the past until now, the human has not stopped playing games because many lessons and benefits that it brings to us are very valuable and useful. There two lessons are to learn about patience and to learn about how to deal with problems.  
  
Firstly, playing games teaches people how to set a goal, how to complete it and how to learn a lesson about patience. For example, when one boy who plays video games, he has to finish the games, he cannot stop in the middle of the game if he wants to know the ending. A gamer competitor has to learn how to be patient when his character died and he has to start it again. Moreover, a competition is also developed by competitors. This makes advancements that lead to an achievement.  
  
Secondly, through of playing games, people also can learn experiences and skills to solve many problems. Playing sports such as baseball, tennis, ping-pong... helps people to train their strong minds and to have quick reflexions to deal with matters or bad situations when they happen. Therefore, people can apply them to a real life and deal with problems easier and quicker. There is a story about one man avoided an accident thank to his reflexion, he jumped quickly on another street when a car crashed into him. He said that he was so lucky because he used to be an athlete and it saved him from death.  
  
In conclusion, playing games can teach us many experiences and lessons that make our lives enjoyable. Everyone should play one sport and make it become a good and necessary habit to increase the quality of life.
Hi Sydney, this is a pretty good presentation for an opinion essay. the message is clear and your opinion is thoroughly discussed. There are problems with word usage though. For example, the correct term is reflexes, not reflextions. At the end of the paragraph, you can better close the paragraph if you reflect an additional lesson learned such as "patience and perseverance has its rewards at the end" or "Analytical skills are further improved because of the competition". Anything along those lines will suffice.  
  
In the second paragraph, you need to provide a transition sentence before presenting the story of the man in the same paragraph. You can simply say "I remember a story that makes my opinion more valid. There was this man..." It creates a better transition instead of just suddenly presenting that story without preparing the reader for it.  
  
In the concluding paragraph, you should remember to restate your opinion in the last sentence. That will allow the essay to better wrap up the discussion.
**Percentage of first-year teacher with regular teaching jobs by year of graduation (Unit 3 Page 36)**  
  
The graph provides information about the percentage of teachers were hired by years of graduation between 2001 and 2007. Overall, the graph of English language teachers has been downward trends and bottomed at 25 % while in the same year the French language teachers has been rose slightly and reached a peak at 75 %. According to the data, the French language teachers has been increased and higher than English language teachers.  
  
Over seven year periods, the number of French language teachers had been recruited fell by 18 % from year of graduated in 2001 to 2002 and rose slightly to under 70 % before had been stable position over three-years periods from 2003 to 2005 and peaked at 75 % in 2007.  
  
On the other side, the number of English language teachers had been plunge suddenly from 2001 to 2003 before rose steadily around from 40 % to 43 % between 2003 and 2005. Over three years periods stood at 2005 to 2007, the number of English language teachers had been drop dramatically to 29 % in 2007.  
  
**(179 words)**  
  
*
Hi Miss Sarlinda.  
I have read your writing closely. These are a few suggestions to finalize yours. Please, pay attention to my note and deal with them.  
  
downward trends and bottomed at 25 %  
rose slightly and reached a peak at 75 %  
Miss, avoid mentioning detailed information in an overview. If there is a tendency to focus on details, your score will fall down to 5. In this moment, I will try to give you the example of overview.  
  
OVERALL, IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT THE ENGLISH-LANGUAGE TEACHERS DOMINATED THE WORKPLACE IN ONTARIO INITIALLY, BUT THAT POSITION HAD BEEN SUCCESSFULLY SURPASSED BY PROFESSIONALS TEACHING FRENCH LANGUAGE. MOREOVER, A GAP BETWEEN BOTH FIGURES HAVE WIDENED.  
  
A closer look at your body paragraph reveals that you only played safely. You have to remember that your job in the writing task 1 is to compare the figures, not describe separately. One of the prompts in the writing is your skill to compare. Please, you keep in your mind about this matter.  
  
Well, I wanna demonstrate the example of comparisons.  
  
IN THE FIRST PERIOD, THE NUMBER OF PROFESSIONALS TEACHING ENGLISH WAS MORE THAN TEACHING FRENCH LANGUAGE, REGARDING AT 75% AND 705 RESPECTIVELY. HOWEVER, THOSE POSITIONS HAD CHANGED SURPRISINGLY. FOLLOWING SIX YEARS, THE FORMER FELT TO APPROXIMATELY ONE-THIRDS OF THE BEGINNING PERCENTAGE, WHILE THE LATTER SUCCESSFULLY TOOK OVER THE POSITION OF THE ENGLISH TEACHERS, WITH THE PERCENTAGE AT THE 2001 ENGLISH TEACHERS FIGURE.  
  
Hopefully, those can enhance your skill to display the data.  
I believe you can show the better progress. Practice more and more, and you only wait and see your outcomes.  
GOOD LUCK