dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Admittedly, there will be complex graphs and simple graphs to discuss in the actual test. Since these topics are randomly chosen per test taker, you will not know which kind you will get. I can however, assure you that the graph you will be given will allow you to complete the test within 20 minutes. You don't need to write a full 5 sentences if you feel that 3 sentences will do. This essay is testing your analytical and writing skills, so you should make sure to practice condensing the essays during your off time. The best way to practice condensing essays is by reading non-IELTS material and then summarizing that content. In theory, any topic can be condensed into 3 sentences at a minimum, depending upon the kind of presentation that you choose to use.  
  
I would like to improve your use of words but I simply cannot do that at this point because of the complexity of the graph and your essay. Let me just say that you have chosen appropriate words to describe certain points of the graph. This shows that you have tried to increase your knowledge of the English language and its word meanings. Therefore, your LR and GRA score will receive a higher consideration than normal. Another tip, learn when you should use connecting words and comma's to connect your discussions. When the flow of thought can be continuous because the discussion is related, then use a comma or connecting words in the paragraph to shorten the presentation.  
  
Good work overall. Keep writing like this and you are sure to pass this section of the test with flying colors. You have impressed me with your analytical ability. Going back to the condensation discussion, you can further improve your work by practicing outside of the class. Set the timer and push yourself to write appropriately within 30 minutes. Learning to write in a condensed manner does not happen overnight. It takes, skill and continuous practice. When are you taking the test? You just may have enough time to develop that skill to some level through the out of class practice sessions.
It would be my pleasure to get your feedback about my logic as well as grammar. I hope you guys have a nice day. Thanks!  
  
This is the writing for the Toefl Test and the question is that **Television should be used to instruct people rather than to entertain them**  
  
And I was asked the question *'Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.'*  
  
## what kind of content in TV?

  
  
Recently, whether TV should instruct people or entertain people has been debated fiercely and some people claim that TV should be the educational channel to inform valuable knowledge to the public. While it can deliver few advantages, this function is not as effective as the function to provide entertaining contents to the public.  
  
To begin with, TV is one of the most effective channels to lead people to feel happy. Most of the people nowadays find something to relax and relieve their stress because they are usually pressured by their work, study or relation. TV is the most common electronics in an ordinary family house and provides a wide range of contents including drama, music, sport, and even movie. For instance, my mom usually works in a hotel to clean several rooms, which requires a lot of physical work. In particular, this sometimes makes my mom exhausted. At that time TV helps my mom forget the stress she got from the work and recharge herself. Like my mom's case, I believe many people also have a relaxing time by watching TV to relieve stress from their daily life.  
  
Furthermore, TV broadcast should deliver what people want to watch, entertaining contents. Basically, it is necessary for TV broadcasters to attract more and more people to watch their channel to maintain their business, and therefore, they should show what people want. If we think what kinds of channel attract most of the people on TV, we can easily guess what kinds of contents people want. According to a credential research in South Korea, most popular TV shows include sport, movie, and drama, which can make people happy.  
  
To wrap up my main messages, TV should broadcast contents that can grant fun to the public because it will not only give the benefit to people, but also help TV broadcasters to maintain their business. Especially, it is expected to satisfy both sides of audiences and TV broadcasting company.
Your essay is constructed in a logic way. However, I think, there are some mistakes:  
1) Most of the people nowadays find something to relax --> **"most people"** is more suitable because it is not refer to any specific group of people  
  
2) they are usually pressured by their work, study or relation --> " pressured" in this sentence is used as a verb, which means *strongly persuade someone to do something they don't want*, so it is better to use it as a noun in this sentence: " they are usually under pressure on their work, study and relations (relation should be used in plural form)  
  
3)At that time TV helps my mom forget the stress she got from the work and recharge herself --> it is better to use past perfect: .... she**had gotten**from... recharge -->**recharged**.  
  
4) I personally think the verb **" interest**" is more suitable than " attract" when it is used for broadcaster
Matthew, you do not need to write an introduction for your original prompt statement each time. As a seasoned academic consultant, I know how to analyze these original prompts so all you have to do is post it directly. I know how to handle it. You waste too much space and time with the current presentation that you have and I have many other students to assist here so please, make my job easier and don't explain the prompt. Just post it. It will save me a lot time in reviewing your essay. Thanks.  
  
Even with the division that you did in the presentation of the prompt, I was not misled into thinking that your opening statement followed the prompt requirements. You are missing important elements because of the presentation that you made in the paraphrase. You have a tendency to talk too much when you need to be talking directly to the reader. You have only 30 minutes to finalize this essay. Don't waste it by making your essays too wordy. That will cost you in terms of scoring when the quality of your work is considered. A direct approach for the discussion is best. Don't make it too short however that you end up with only 2 sentences. That will not increase your score. The safest and most time effective number of sentences to write is 5 per paragraph. It's easy to remember the ratio is "5:5" Let me address your shortcomings in the essay by starting with a proper paraphrase for your prompt:  
  
*There is a belief that television should be used to educate people. Others believe that television should only be used to entertain themselves. When asked for my opinion regarding this discussion, I would have to say that I disagree with the statement that television should be used only to educate people based on a number of considerations. This essay will discuss those considerations and reasons, supported by examples to help illustrate my discussion.*  
  
Please take note of how all of the prompt discussion points are included in this opening statement. Also, notice how I gave my opinion but did not actually begin the discussion of that opinion in this paragraph. That is very important because the essay has a limited sentence allotment due to time constraints so it is best to always keep the actual discussion for the body of paragraphs.  
  
Once again, you have made the mistake of using the concluding statement to represent your personal opinion. Why do you do that? The concluding statement must only wrap up the discussion by reiterating the previous conversation. The whole essay was already about your opinion so there was no need for you to suddenly become specific about it in the concluding statement. You just needed to repeat the prompt, sum up the discussion points you presented, and repeat your support for the point of view that you have chosen.  
  
This essay is good but lacks focus and proper formatting. I hope that you will show more improvement in your next practice test. I look forward to reading it.
*Topic: Imagine you are a student living in a different country far away from home. Choose the country and write a letter to your family back home to tell them about how life there is different or similar to life in your home country.*  
  
============================================================================  
## living abroad experience

  
  
To my dear beloved mother:  
  
It has been a long time since the last time I received a letter from you, I hope that you are doing well and taking care of yourself. You should know that I really miss and life here in The United states is really hard and challenging without you.  
  
I really feel like a stranger amid all these people, everyone here speaks English and seldom you find someone who knows Arabic, by the bye, a fortnight ago, I heard a guy talking in our Moroccan language on phone while I was walking down-town, I couldn't hesitate to ask him whether he was a Moroccan or not. I was filled in with an abrupt felicity when he said to me that he is Moroccan. Afterwards, he invited me to his home, once I stepped into the latter, I recollected all my memories in Morocco, everything inside his house was making feel like I am not in the United States, from the small utensils that we use as an ornament to the living-room that had a Moroccan style.  
  
My dear mother, I really miss your delicious dishes: The Couscous that we were having every Friday and The Tangia that you were insisting on us to make it with you while telling some silly stories. Oh my sweet mother, I hope you were here with me.  
  
Concerning my studies, I am doing well and aced my last tests, the finals are coming and once I am done with them I will come back to Morocco.  
  
Your son Amin.
@Aminox  
Amin, you seem to have good vocabulary; however, you did not describe much about the cultural difference to your brother.You should consider adding, how life in US is different than your life back in Morocco.What are the differences in food, work, and entertainment styles? Besides, you wrongly wrote " by the bye instead of by the way". You occasionally did some sentence structure and punctuation mistakes:  
  
English and seldom you find someone who knows Arabic. By the way,
Amin, this letter requires a touch of cultural difference beyond the obvious. It is a very sad letter that makes one think about why you continue to stay in a country that you do not enjoy being in. While it shows off your culture in a very personal way, one would expect to read a more balanced letter that takes the time to indicate more than just good news about your studies. The letter asks you to consider what makes you stay in the United States despite the cultural differences. Your letter needs to portray what you enjoy the most about being in America, even as you pine for your Moroccan world. After you discuss visiting the Moroccan home in America, discuss the excitement or interest that you had at having visited an American family as well. Were you welcomed? Did your English speaking peers go out of their way to try and make you feel welcome on the country? How would you compare the Moroccan hospitality to the American? Are you settling into the new culture of this new world? These are but some of the cultural references that you could have made in your essay that would have resulted in a balanced, informative, and more prompt responsive letter for this task. You did good work, but it should have been even better with the inclusion of a few more considerations.
Please, would you give me a feedback about my essay?  
This is my first essay here.  
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## Elderly people need help

  
  
There are countless elders around the world. However, normally these people go to a home-care to live with other old-aged individuals. Usually these houses have many nurses working in there. In addition to, the problem appers because opens a polemic discussion about the cost of the especial cares. Who have to pay for the care these people? Their families or the politic system?  
  
I strongly think the state has to subsidy for the care because the society pay for billions of tax and what we always need to see is the paid money return to our lifes. In other words, the gained money should be used for education, transport, hospitals, security, etc. Especially in Brazil we don't see a productive refunds.  
  
But eventually, if our society wouldn't contributed for so higher taxes, would be a brilliant idea the families pay for cares. Unfortunately this reality doesn't exist. The state doesn't do anything besides the necessary.  
  
Obviously, if some family is more rich than others, I think the rules should be follow. In other words, despite exists some except cases, all people deserve gain this "cashback" from the government.  
  
In summary, the government has to make a plan and save financial support to aim and reach this relevant topic. Besides, the old people work for the whole life. Finally the deserve to disfruit a delightful ending.
Matheus, you failed to provide us with the complete prompt instructions for your essay so I cannot conduct a complete review of your essay. The instructions help me to figure out what course of discussion your essay was supposed to take. I have to caution you about simply repeating the question as indicated in the original prompt. You are not allowed to pose questions in your essays, only direct statements. Rephrase that question into a statement. Always use statements, never questions when presenting your discussion angle. As for the accuracy of your response, without the prompt, I am unable to say whether you did that properly or not. However, your essay is good. A bit difficult to understand at times due to the GRA issues but still, an overall simple and acceptable job. The one problem that your essay has is that you are not consistent in your paragraph presentations. Always aim for 3-5 sentences because that is the standard requirement for these essay tests. You still have a long way to go before you can get a passing score in the essay but you should get there with continued practice. Please don't forget to give me the prompt instructions that accompanies your next essay practice test. Thanks.
Hello, this is Matthew Minseok Kim from South Korea. It is a really awesome place to get critic about my essay. As a non-native speaker, I have sought the opportunity to improve my writing. I have no doubts that this web site would be a great asset for me to do that. It would be my pleasure to get your feedback about my logic as well as grammar. I hope you guys have a nice day. Thanks!  
  
**This is the writing for the Toefl Test and the question is that Having time alone is the most ideal way to relax and relieve stress**  
  
And I was asked the question *'Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.'*  
  
## the way people relax today

  
  
It has been controversial for a long time about how people can relax and relieve their stress. Some people believe having time with others have more advantages than being alone since we are a social being who prefer to interact with one another. I partially agree with the opinion in terms of several benefits it can bring us, but I believe that the most ideal way to relax and relieve stress is having time alone since all kinds of stress eventually stem from our mind.  
  
Having time with others is meaningful activities to refresh ourselves by sharing our concerns and communicating with others. In general, people have common instinct desiring to talk or listen to someone so that it would be effective to have a relaxing time. Nonetheless this advantage, it also stresses people. According to a research, what stresses people in a house and job is a relationship with others. In other words, most of the people get stress as well as help from others. That is why it cannot be the ideal way to relax.  
  
Having time alone will help you manage your mind. In contrast having time with others, having time alone will be helpful to control your mind since it will locate you separated from outer situation or concerns. It is really difficult to change an environment which you are facing with, however, you can change your mind easily. According to Viktor Frankl, who was a famous psychologist and imprisoned in Auschwitz, mentions that he did not have any physical freedom in prison but could totally control his mind by himself. As he emphasizes the importance of mind, only our mind determine if it would be stress or not.  
  
Having time alone will change people fundamentally. There are some types of people who always complain whatever they do. Regardless of the result or process, they are accustomed to doing it. Although they just complain about this habit to others, it shortly releases their stress but it will not last for a long time. However, if the person has an enough time to reflect himself/herself by having time alone, they can change their mind. Changing their mind is not easy but it is possible by their own decision. Most of the people experience to do that while having time alone.  
  
To sum up, having time alone is the ideal way to release and relax time rather than being with others because it is useful to manage your mind as well as change people fundamentally. In this regard, I think that being alone is the best option of relaxation
Matthew, a TOEFL essay test has only 5 paragraphs, with 5 sentences at a maximum for each paragraph. You overdid in your essay. You have 6 paragraphs and you never referred to personal information in your essay as required. You even went to the extent of doing research in order to refer to the studies done by Frankl. These are the major problem points in your essay. When you are asked to provide relevant examples and reasons, you need to refer to your popular culture knowledge and personal experience. Not research because you in the testing center, all the computers will be locked down to a WLAN. You won't find any exterior internet connection there. Also with 30 minutes to outline, draft, proofread, and finalize the content of your essay, even if you had the internet connection, you wold not have enough to do actual research. The examiners prefer personal experience information because this shows a more expanded example of your English comprehension and grammar skills when it comes to sentence development. You did not do a proper job in representing the prompt requirements in your essay so don't expect to receive a good score for this type of work if you choose to try and do it this way in the actual test.
**The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over.  
  
What effects will these predictions have on developed countries if they prove true? What can be done now to deal with this situation?**  
  
## the low birth rate consequences

  
  
While the number of newborns is going up in the developing countries, it is predicted to go down in developed countries over the next 50 years. By 2030, one third of the population will be age at 65 and over. I agree that it will influence to the advancement of the developed countries, but we have options to resolve it. This essay will provide evidence in support of this position.  
  
Firstly, it must be recognized that the labor force will go down in the future. Take European countries, for example, where labor force is not enough to satisfy the increasing need of the market because of the low birth rate in the past. This example shows that that fewer people will go to work and therefore fewer people will pay the income tax, which is the essential part of a nation treasure. The effect of the low birth rate on the labor force in the future is clear. In addition to this, the rising proportion of seniors aged 65 and over will be a burden to the society. The young generation will have to work harder to support the older generation. For example, Singapore has seven working adults to support one retiree. By 2030, it will be two working adults for one retiree.. It clear that the increasing rate of people at the age of 65 and over will slow down the development of their country. Thus, the countries that have fertility rate lower than replacement rate will leave consequences on themselves in the future.  
  
As the above shows, the low birth rate will effect to the workforce and make proportion of seniors increasing. In my opinion, the government of developed countries should provide deep support for parents, like Sweden did. They can reduce the income tax for parents having children, provide freely healthcare service for the babies. I believe that the parents will feel peaceful to have a newborn with two above solutions that will help to balance the proportion of population.
Hung, when you paraphrase the original information in the essay, do not make up information about it. When you said   
  
While the number of newborns is going up in the developing countries,  
, that was not indicated in the original prompt. Therefore, you are delivering inaccurate information to the examiner and as such, will be marked down for it. Your paraphrase must always contain only a representation of the actual information in the original prompt. Do not add information not included in the basis of the essay.  
  
You have developed the paragraphs in the wrong manner as well. This essay must have 5 fully developed statement paragraphs. Not two short and one extremely long paragraph. Each paragraphs are required to have up to 5 sentences each only. So don't bundle your thoughts into one paragraph. Divide it into topic paragraphs and make sure that you have thoroughly discussed the essay. Under no circumstances should you present half developed thoughts such as the one that abruptly ended in the first part of the second paragraph. Simply saying, "In addition to this" does not complete the presentation of ideas and reasons in the previous sentence. You left that sentence hanging.  
  
Basically, this essay needs a lot of work in terms of presentation and paragraph development. It is still early enough for you to be able to make adjustments to your writing style. Please do so in order to become more prompt responsive in your future practice essays and the actual test itself.
## Appreciation for pets at home

  
  
Many people consider pets as members of their family and give them such cosy love. On my opinion, I highly recommend you to have a pet because of three reasons as I am supporting below. They can become your helpful friends whenever you are over working. You can also live an another world with animals. Or they can even help you to be more responsible too.  
  
First of all, people often see their pets as really good friends to talk and play with. I am sure you had some stressful times in working as well as studying. So why not try to have a pet of your own to have some fun with it. For example: If you are tired, just bring your pet with you and hug it, or talk to it. It is really helpful.  
  
Secondly, pets can give you an amazing world of animals. You can learn how to communicate with a cat or whatever you like. You will find it astonishing when you are able to understand your pets. My cat for instance, I find it more comfortable to talk to her when I have trouble with my friends. Maybe it is far-fetched but she sometimes blinks her eyes as she is feeling sorry.  
  
Last but not least, having a pet will also help you to be more responsible. You will have to remember to take care of it as a part of your life. It will make you to improve some skills such as: feeding, bathing,ect. It is not only fun but also helpful.  
  
In conclusion, I think you should have a pet to get all the benefits above. This world is so big that we dont have enough time to experience every things. However treating your pets as a member of your family is affordable.