dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hai blizard  
here is my suggestion for you  
I hope it helps  
  
... and we played when we had A chance so leaving ...  
  
The reason IS we have to move to (...) in order to start A new business...  
  
... Canada with television and books ~~and when~~ . I think (...) my own eyes, I believed ~~it's~~IT IS going to quite adventures.  
  
At THE first time of Canada, my E nglish skill was limited so I had difficult time to ~~speak~~SPOKE with other people and understand. ~~Making~~MEETING Canadian friends were quite experiencing  because when (...) from outside ~~of~~ country.  
  
... there was not much programS related to the computer (...) choice for getING a proper job, ...  
  
At ~~THE~~ first I ~~didn't~~DID NOT~~have~~HAD quite hard time (...) so I could~~n't~~NOT followED the program properly later.  
  
... because they needed my help, also I thought I going to need experience ~~with~~ working, how meeting (...) some money for ~~save~~SAVING~~in~~ my bank account.  
  
For working in the parent's  store was quite experiences ...  
  
After A few years later, I decided TO go back to the college ...  
... welding job will be A decent job to earn lots of ~~salary~~SALARIES .  
... my own life like buying A house and making (...) as I can BE in the welding program.  
  
~~It's~~IT IS been more than 10 (...) born because I ~~haven't~~HAVE NOT visitED there since my family moveS to the Canda. Even so, ~~there's~~THERE IS still my life ahead in ...  
  
I think it is enough  
Thanks.
"English is taking over" is not one of impressive fact when the people across the globe who capable of English are catastrophically increase. According to John McMhorter,Associate Professor of English and Comparative Literature at Columbia University, Almost a whole life-related aspects are facilitated by English. As an adequate example for that, In china, there 2 dozen universities are transferring knowledge (teaching activity) by using English, and so that for urban societies also improve their to insight of Chinese proficiency. Further more, at the last century it is predicted that from 6000 languages which exist to day, there will only some of hundred will be commonly spoken. As a result, people nowadays can communicate in several universal languages.  
  
The precisely justification to that is the foreign languages have different acid trip in term of vocabulary and grammar. take France and Spanish as example, Both of them has same perspective about table, because to them Table is kind of a girl. The second reason of that, because they are acquired in order to be expert in culture. You suppose to take care about languages difficulties because they are the key point to being able to engage and participate in culture. Another reason is languages are just awful and a lot of fun. So i highly recommend that learning second tongue language is necessary in this day and edge.
Hi Ifan..  
these are my thoughts for summary grammatically. Check it out  
  
"English WHICH is taking over" is not one of (...) who capable of English ~~are~~ INCREASING catastrophically ~~increase~~ .  
As an adequate example for that, ~~In china~~ , there 2 dozen universities IN CHINA are transferring knowledge (...) also improve their t~~o~~ insight of Chinese proficiency. ~~Further more~~ FURTHERMORE, at the last (...) from 6000 languages ~~which~~ exist ~~to day~~ TODAY, SO there will only some of ...  
  
The precise~~ly~~ justification ~~to that~~ is the foreign languages ~~have~~ HAVING different acid trip ...  
~~take~~ TAKING France and Spanish ARE as THE example~~,~~ . Both of them ~~has~~ HAVE THE same perspective about A table, because ~~to them~~ THEY THINK THA THE Table is kind of a girl. The second reason ~~of that,~~ IS because they (...) to be AN expert in THE culture. You suppose to take care ~~about~~ OF languages difficulties (...) and participate in THE culture. Another reason is THAT THE languages are just awful ...  
  
~~So~~THEREFORE, I~~i~~ highly recommend that learning ...
Women's breasts consist of a network of tube, wrapped by a layer of fatty tissue. Throughout the pregnancy, hormonal signals cause epithelial cells lining the ducts to proliferate and form ball-like structures namely *alveoli*, where milk is produced when the baby is born. However, once women stop breastfeeding, these structures perform a self-destructing process that involves immense cellular suicide and the elimination of the debris.  
  
"One of the least understood aspects of this process is how the excess milk and large numbers of dead cells are removed from the mammary gland without substantial activation of the immune system," said a cancer biologist at the University of Sydney in Australia, named Matthew Naylor.  
  
After lactation, the epithelial cells tend to eat their dead neighbors. Since a protein called Rac1 is vital for normal milk-making, as well as *phagocytosis* in immune cells, it might also be engaged in this *breast remodeling*. To examine, Nasreen Akhtar at the University of Sheffield and her partners conducted an experiment on female mice whose Rac1 gene was removed. This revealed that without Rac1, chronic inflammations were activated as well as swelling. Hence, although extended breastfeeding reduces overall cancer risk, women still have the threat of developing aggressive breast cancer for the first 5 to 10 years following pregnancy due to the inflammation during *breast remodeling*.
Not bad at all!  
  
Women's breasts consist of a network of tubes , wrapped by a ...  
  
...said a cancer biologist at the University of Sydney in Australia, named (You can omit 'named') Matthew Naylor.  
  
...female mice whose Rac1 gene was removed (I don't think you can say "whose" and be referring to mice. I would say "that had their Rac1 genes removed)  
  
...The results revealed that without Rac1, chronic inflammations and swelling were activated in the breast .  
  
And since you're summarizing, It wouldn't hurt to refer back to the original article in your summary and say something like "In the article "Your Boobs Start to Eat Themselves after Breastfeeding is Over" by Linda Geddes, she investigates the questions behind the mass cell destruction in breasts following lactation" or the likes. :)
Hi Fitriani, after reading your essay, it actually made me think of mothers nursing their babies, something that mothers know best and are also doing a very noble act of love, I believe this is one thing that our mothers are the most respectable and possess undying love to us, yes, they may be a pain sometimes and may not understand all there is that we do as youngsters, but hey, they put up with us, in every single way possible.  
  
Now, going back to your article summary, I believe you have made a well rounded summary, as I mentioned, it made me understand the process of lactation, breastfeeding and pretty much the whole process of nursing a beloved child.  
  
It also made me realize that, our mothers definitely had a lot to take to nourish and keep us healthy, I believe this is what most mothers would do for their children and a mothers love is no other love we can ever receive in our lives.  
  
Thank you for understanding the article and effectively summarizing it, it is really very effective. Keep writing.
The criminality is one of the crucial problems faced by people recently. Not only is it difficult to define, but it is also hard to determine how to deal with the sanction properly. Some people consider that the best way which should be taken is the legally fixed punishment for each of crimes in order to create the strict law. Others state that before deciding what compatible conviction is, the reasonable background such as motivation and environment of individuals should be considered. This essay is going to discuss both of views.  
  
On the one hand, determining the fixed punishments for every level of the criminal action is one way to make fair regulation. It is conducted in order that the doer of criminality gets the compatible reward which is suitable with their action. For example, when people intentionally murder someone, they are ensured to kill too. As the consequence, the death sentence is regarded as the most proper punishment. In another case, people committing the small crime such as thieving goods or stealing foods will not get the heavy sanction as well.  
  
On the other hand, to avoid the unfair punishment, people should give the particular attention the reason background why someone commits the crime. In addition, before deciding the type of sanctions which are given, people have to view the motivation or intention, so people cannot dispose the punishment directly. For instance, a woman, becoming the victim of raping, must kill someone because she tries to defend herself. Based on her motivation, absolutely it cannot be accused that she commits the serious crime, so it is unfair if she will get the death sentence as her punishment.  
  
To sum up, even though it is important to know the background why people commit the crimes, it does not help to uphold the assertive rule for solving the criminality. Personally, in my perspective, making the fixed punishment as the legal regulation is the wise ways to decide the punishment for people conducting the crimes. Therefore, the basic excuse is whatever the bad actions impair the other people is can be called as the criminal activity as well.
*aloha Arisandy, here are my thoughts for your essay:*  
  
- The criminality is one of **the crucial**(essential, vital, main) problems faced by people recently.  
- Not only is it difficult to define, but ~~it is~~(reducing of conjunction) also hard to determine ...  
- ... is the legally fixed punishment for each of crimes(each crime) in order to ...  
- ~~This essay is going to discuss both of views.~~  
  
- On the one hand, determining ~~the~~ fixed punishments for every level of the criminal action ~~is~~are one way to ...  
- It is conducted in order that the doer of criminalitythe criminal doer gets ~~the~~ compatible reward ~~which is~~(reducing of adjective clause) suitable with their action.
Hi Shandy, as I go through the essay, I must say that you are lacking a few linking verbs that can complete the idea of the sentences, not only that, you seem to have a direct translation of your ideas into sentences, though this is good, it can still be refined.  
  
Having said that, please find a few suggestions below.  
  
- The criminality is one of the crucial problems faced by people recently. - this is the task prompt and I advise that you paraphrase it further or add a few words to distinguish it from the prompt, see suggestion below;  
  
Indeed, the criminality is one of the most crucial problems faced by people recently.  
  
- that the best way ~~which~~to should be taken  
- is the legally fixed punishment for each of the crimes  
- in order to create ~~the~~a very strict law.  
- Others state that,( don't forget your punctuation marks ) before  
  
There you have it Shandy, I hope the above remarks are helpful.
**In today's competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work**  
  
In this periods,all people want to achieve their position so as to earn much money.However,some parents order their children to work hard places and it could be cause their physical and mental improvement.This essay will discuss both points of view befor coming to reasoned conclusion.  
  
First of all,in the world the most important basis is family.Nevertheless,it should stand at first stage.Rspecially,children conditions.That's more,numerous families tend ti order children to work somewhere because,parents want to increase and improve family income.Honestly,it is good idea but children's have to study and relax after studying hard.Such as,students gi to school in the morning and they come at noon and occasionally some individuals get part-time work it may cause their health priblems as a consequence.Namely,they need to study and it could help free time concentrate on studying lessons.  
  
With in regards,nowadays,most of students cannot afford to study and they also do not concentrate on studying due to absense their parents.Besides that,nobody,provide them to studying.Some people think that government have to pay high salary and it would be good they will give part-time work and children probably can manage their life and they reach a good future or they may be intelligent human as a result.  
  
To sum up,in my view,if parents not order to work children it would be better and parents have to avoid working early ago because teenager ought to study and their brain memories stronger in young period.  
  
Please check my essay and appoint ielts band score
hai timur  
I have several suggestions for you  
hope it helps to improve your skill  
  
... want to achieve their position ~~so as~~ to earn much money.  
  
... their children to work hard ~~places~~ and it could ~~be~~ cause their physical ...  
  
... both points of view beforE coming to A reasoned conclusion.  
  
Nevertheless,it should stand at THE first stage.  
  
~~R~~E specially,...  
  
~~That's~~THAT IS more,numerous families tend ~~ti~~TO ..  
  
Honestly,it is A good .... their health ~~priblems~~PROBLEMS as a consequence.  
~~Namely~~CONSEQUENTLY ,...  
  
~~With in regards,~~ nowadays,... due to ~~absense~~absence their parents.  
  
in THE young period.  
  
THANKS
Hi Timur, first of all WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, I hope you find this website to be helpful and even more so, valuable to your writing projects, we aim at giving you the most accurate and credible feedback that we could possibly provide, in order for you to have that confidence in submitting your essay.  
  
Having said that, below are a few suggestions for your essay.  
  
- In this ~~periods,all~~day and age, a lot of people  
- want to achieve ~~their~~higher position  
- so as to earn ~~much~~more money.  
- However,some parents order their children to work hard ~~places~~  
- ~~and it could be~~however this could cause ~~their~~  
- of view before coming to ~~reasoned~~a reasonable conclusion.  
  
- First of all,in ~~the~~this world, the most important ~~basis~~base is family.  
- ~~Nevertheless,it should stand at first stage. Rspecially,children conditions.~~- I believe this sentences are not necessary  
- ~~That's~~What's more,numerous families  
- tend ~~ti~~to order children to  
- Honestly,it is a good idea  
- ~~Namely,they~~They need to study and ~~it could help~~ free time to concentrate on studying their lessons.  
  
There you have it Timur, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision, I believe what you need to focus on in your revision is not to put too many words in a sentence, specially if it will not help your essay.
I'm looking for tips to write a concise synthesized essay. The articles are *"Chasing the American Dream"* by Robert Rank et al and "What is the American Dream?" by Gus Speth. I need to summarize both articles as well as compare and contrast each others definition of the American Dream, then provide a stance (even if I disagree with both) and explain which I would prefer to be inherited upon future generations.  
  
**ESSAY COMPONENTS**  
  
- Summarize two texts.  
- Provide examples from texts in three forms: quote, paraphrase, and summary.  
- Cite your examples.  
- Explain differences between the two texts.  
- Argue for the best definition of the American Dream, and how to achieve it. This argument should  
come from one of the two texts, though you may change or adapt it depending on whether or not you  
totally agree with it.  
- Format in MLA.  
- Write for an "uninformed reader"  
  
Introduction, I'm really not sure how I should go about introducing this because I've never synthesized two articles before. What i put was this:  
  
The American Dream, an idealogy that people use to conjure a vivid image of life in the United Staes of America could be like. Where equal opportunities for success, economic prosperity, and freedom are often emphasized and promised to anyone, regardless of their heritage, background, or circumstance, [Thesis Statement Here] sadly we're not allowed to use a delayed thesis statement.  
  
from here I lead onto the first Article  
  
In *What is the American Dream?*, Speth emphasizes on the the three dueling dualities, the meaning of happiness, the path to prosperity, and the centrality of consumerism, to illustrate the American Dream. "A good place...perceived well-being". (3) Here he and discovered that economic growth and satisfaction no longer become linked once at a certain point in time, where he then moves on to find the importance of personal relationships to happiness. "The quality of people's social relationships is crucial to their well-being. People need supporting, positive relationships and social belonging to sustain well bing ... The need to belong, to have close and long-term relationships, is a fundamental human need...People need social bonds in commited relationships, not simply interactions with strangers, to experience well-being."  
  
I need to incorporate quotes from the articles and cite them. This is where I'm stuck because truthfully I've had a hard time understanding the articles we've read everything so far has an implied thesis. Was that a good spot to insert a quote then voice my opinion? Is it alright to use an ellipsis in a College essay?  
  
Another issue I have is understanding how to "unpack" a quote to support my statements / stance. The part that's killing me the most is "writing for an uninformed reader"... I've never done this before. Is there any live chat available or something? Other online resources that I can read to help me. This is just a rough draft and it's due in 3 days and I haven't even met the word count requirement because I've been struggling understanding this assingments requires and how to apply it.
sadly we're not allowed to use a delayed thesis statement  
That's okay, it's better to use a thesis statement the way readers typically expect.  
  
This will be easy for you to craft; you communicate very well. You mention that you had trouble understanding the articles, so I suggest this:  
  
Read one of them, and look for their thesis statement. Pause on that statement near the end of the introduction, and listen for your mind to 'say' something about it.  
  
I'll do that now, and I'll type a sentence whenever I get an idea from my own mind in response to the article:  
  
Speth challenges his reader to think about what the American Dream really is.  
  
Speth makes an argument that materialism prevents happiness. For example, "[paste a quote]..."  
  
What does 'synthesis' mean in this assignment? It means you 'get the point' of one article, and you 'get the point' of the other article, and then you.... explain what implications the second article has for the message of the first article.  
  
You say it is killing you, and it is difficult, but I think you actually just hold yourself to a high standard and you think this is more complex than it really is. If a young kid needed to know the meaning of the Speth article, you could find it easily and explain it. But because this is for your class, you might think it's more complex than it really is. And "unpack" just means to identify the main idea. "Uninformed reader" just means you explain the articles as if you were talking to someone younger than you.  
  
You might not know what to do yet, but that's because it's not time yet to know what to do. First, read something and write something:  
  
You do have the ability to catch Speth's message. So use one sentence to say what it is. Then, use another sentence to explain your first sentence a little more.  
  
After that, move on to the next article. Write a sentence to express what the article's message/meaning is, and then listen for what your mind comes up with when you think of the two articles together.  
  
: )
Hi Danny, first of all, I believe you have understood what is asked of the prompt and the hindrance in you making or creating a good essay is the fact that you are being too cautious in writing or coming up with an essay. You are also using words that are somehow, not so conversational, try to use words that are easy to understand, not only for your readers but more importantly to you as a writer.  
  
For your introduction, say something like what you understand and what you know about the "American Dream", I believe you had done a lot of research and all you have to do is to put them together as you understand it.  
  
Towards the end, when you say "unpack" a quote, what you can do is to analyze and understand your quote, then tell a story about it and what lesson we can draw from it, this should be a lot simpler for you and yo should be able to come up with a well managed and well rounded essay. Remember the simple ones and easily comprehensible essays are the ones that matters most.  
  
I hope to review the full essay soon.
**The advantages and disadvantages of living in a small community**  
  
Nowadays, there are a lot of changes quite clearly, a number of large cities with skyscrapers and shopping centres replace small villages with fields, grasses, little roads. Also many of young people convert lifestyle and come to these cities. So, in the past, living in a small community brought some advantages and disadvantages.  
  
I think life in small town had plenty of advantages. Firstly, everyone knew everyone else so neighbourhood was closer and people would not feel lonely. Secondly, the atmosphere was really fresh and peace without duty smoke from factories or traffic jam which badly affected for inhabitant's heath and got them some diseases. Moreover, when being at a tiny town, people didn't not face so much pressure, they hardly took stress about jobs, family, relations as much as at a city because race of life there was slower. Also, living there was cheaper so they probably afforded many essential things due to the lower prices.  
  
Besides, one of the drawbacks of living in small community was quality of life, people in there earned less money and had fewer conditions to enjoy modern goods. Education in schools was actually poor and lacked of studying materials or facilities such as internet was not widespread there. On the other hand, to study in high school and college, young people had to leave from their hometowns to nearest area or large cities. Also like that, adults came to downtowns for working because there were a lot of jobs in a developing city. As a result, the small town where only old people and baby lived was so boring.  
  
All things considering, each person will have individual lifestyle. Grandparents generation would like to live a peace place as small town but dynamic younger generation always want to stay a large city. The most important thing is where people decide to live will actually bring them happy and convenient the most.