dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Why is this the case?What measures can you suggest ...

  
  
In this day and age, technology is more and more renewable such as mobile phones, television, radio. Consequently, the pupils manipulate plenty of time to watching television rather than improve their physical activity levels, utterly irrelevant operation in the past. Therefore, this essay will elaborate on the cause of the issue and helpful solution to persuade the elevated levels of exercise of children.  
  
As can be clearly seen from the state-of-the-art global, an extensive number of technology gadgets, multimedia,... massively negative impact on the lives of citizens, especially children. In the past, the infrastructure of many cities are old-fashioned tools and restricted by war and the poverty of participants, utterly contrast with nowadays, when television and recreational programs become the most common trend in life. For instance, because of the conveniences of liberty habitats and the wealthy finance of family, the pupils have opportunities to interact with technology gadgets since they were a little kid. As a result, the children are unable to gather the levels of activities.  
  
To face this case, there is an efficient solution to handle and encourage the children to enhance their physical activity levels. The adults, the government are the role of model whom pupils justifying and being well influenced. Take for example if parents apply some strict rules and comply by themselves such as the balance period of hours between watching television and exalting their levels of activity, the pupils would easily comply with the roles day by day. Thus, the children constitute personal positive habits for their life.  
  
To sum up, this essay discussed the cause of the passive life of children is a significant rocket of media and technology and the influenced solution that mature participants should be the role of the model to supporting the levels of physical activities of children.
If you review the prompt for this essay, you will notice that there is a direct question being asked towards the end of the prompt. That question requires a direct response in the essay. You have to provide 2 reasoning topics as the final 2 sentences of the prompt restatement. That given topics will provide the outline for your reasoning discussion. By approaching the essay in this manner, you will completely meet the formatting requirements for this particular essay presentation.  
  
You should also be making reference to first person singular and first person group pronouns in your response paragraphs. This is because the essay instructs :  
  
Give reasons for your answer and **include any relevant examples from your own experience.**  
  
It is the last part of the evidence discussion that I want you to focus on during my explanation. Most tutors will tell you not to use personal pronouns in the test. This will make it extremely difficult for you to discuss topics when the instruction clearly requires the use of personal pronouns such as in the case of personal experiences. The reason is because these advanced discussion essay topics require you to prove your ability to write complex sentences, along with a proper representation of pronouns within. You will score better when you show that you are capable of writing properly formatted sentences, based on the actual topic writing instructions.  
  
By the way, never say "this essay will discuss", "This essay proves", or any variation thereof in the presentation. These are part of the memorized phrases that examiners hate reading in exam essays. It irritates the examiner because the exam taker is not even trying to present an interesting sentence for them to read. These are the "easy out" phrases that cause damage to your final score.
## punishment to teach distinction between right and wrong?

  
  
Adults have to teach children how to recognize the variousness between good example and bad example as they still a child. The mount of people believe that the way to help them learn this difference is chastising. In my opinion, I totally disagree with this idea and I would demonstrate it in below paragraphs.  
  
Undoubtedly, there are some main reasons to belief that people had better use speech rather than violence. First and for most, kids just are able to repair their mistakes when they understand it clearly. By that I mean, words and gentle method could help children bear in mind and identify their faults on behalf of punishing them which just make them be scared and reserved. Nowadays, according to the host of parents in the world, they spend their time explaining about the result for their son when they make a mistakes in a regular basis or use some method without violence, such as they require their children keep silent during a time or not watching television all day. Secondly, chastisement is not the only way to make them realize this difference. In other work, they are able to choose some movies or comedies which are a good content to educate children. Parents would show the causes and the sequences of characters in movies or comedies if they had a bad habits. Recently, the host of entertainments have a trend to produce many films about good practice in the society.  
  
Besides, abusing punishment too much could have a heavy effect on their thinking. In the past, parents often use it too much, which just make them more frightened even detest their family. Furthermore, it not until influence negatively children's mental health but also change their behavior in the future. For example, some child who are castigated regularly have a trend to protest adults.  
  
Once again, I strongly believe that people should not use punishment to help them learn the distinction between right and wrong. On the other hand, speech and light method are a good way to make them recognize.
There is a formatting problem with your response essay. Based on the original prompt, it appears that the response outline for the paraphrase is:  
  
- Topic  
- Reason  
- Extent response  
- Type of parent punishment  
- Type of teacher punishment  
  
The direct questions asked in this prompt:  
  
- To what extent do you agree to punish a kid to teach him/ her something important?  
  
- What kind of punishment do you think parents and teachers can use?  
  
Need to be responded to with a topic sentence, singular, that will help you outline your reasoning paragraphs discussions as:  
  
- Explanation of your disagreement.It should be combined response for the punishments you experienced from your parents and teachers. Explanation can be based on your personal (first person pronoun singular usage) experiences and the outcome of such punishment on you as a child / person. The first person singular reference point is required because the questions ask what "YOU" think and what punishments "YOU" might suggest. When directly asked to respond, the first person reference is required as a part of your sentence structure presentation.  
  
- Your suggested alternative punishment coming from parents  
- Alternative punishment coming from teachers  
  
After which, the conclusion should summarize the discussion with:  
- Topic sentence  
- Repeat your measured response  
- alternative punishment 1  
- alternative punishment 2  
- Closing sentence  
  
Your essay is not focused on the discussion. It is too scattered in presentation and omits certain discussion points that are required for the proper presentation of the discussion in your essay. Next time, make sure you appropriately respond to the prompt requirements. Make sure you respond per topic to the given discussion points.
## advantages and disadvantages of the internet

  
  
In modern life, it is an undeniable fact that the internet has huge effects on several aspects, especially on communicating with each other. However, some people still believe that due to the internet, we are becoming isolated and lack of vital social skills day by day, To a certain extent, I would agree with the stunning functions of technology on connecting each other, but somewhat, I also approve of the opinion about its negative influence.  
  
On one hand, the internet plays an indispensable role in helping humanities interact and correspond. First, keeping in touch is necessary for people and corporations. The internet brings us a more efficient and effective way to connect, for not only chatting but also meeting and studying online, without the boundaries of distance and cost. For example, today, when the government urges citizens to stay at home to counteract the Corona Virus, there are thousands of companies, classes or groups are continue their progress by connecting with other people through some apps like google meetings or zooms. Second, people's networking is also expanded via the internet, bringing them far from their place to the other country. There are a huge of media sites connected people from different areas for their benefits: business, studying or just for a whole new friendship, which people all over the world utilize. Therefore, if people know how to control themselves, use the internet wisely and effectively, they will gain particular advantages.  
  
On the other hand, the internet is also double-edged since it led to isolation and the other social life problems of humans. Nowadays, almost everyone has their smartphone, from the young to the old, finding attractions from the entertaining applications. Many users, especially youngsters, are spending too much time browsing the webs, playing games, chatting with virtual friends, sticking with their gadget for hours. As a result, less time they can spend for an eye to eye contact with the other family members and real friends. Not only be addicted to information technology, but they also lose many essential social skills, eventually face health problems related to eyes.  
  
To sum it up, the internet brings lots of advantages to our lives, but they go along with drawbacks. Nevertheless, I assume that we should control ourselves, efficiently gain benefits from the internet without overuse it. Besides, do not let themselves be lack of any social skills in daily life, not in the virtual one
Saying "To a certain extent, I..." Is considered a non answer in a Task 2 extent of dis/agreement essay. This is still a single opinion essay that is based upon the strength of your support for a particular side of the discussion. Since you did not even try to take a strong stance on the essay, and you changed the prompt from a single opinion discussion to a comparative essay format, you cannot expect to pass the test. Why? You just proved that you are not capable of following instructions, restating the original prompt discussion instruction, and you do not have the abilities required to form a solid opinion on a given topic. All of these reasons, added to the other grammar and sentence errors of the essay will show that you are not yet ready to study abroad in an English speaking academic institution.
## 'Born' artist or the one who learned the arts

  
  
Kindly assess my essay by giving a band. my score target is 6.5  
  
**Some people say that art (eg. Painting, music, poetry, etc...) can be made by everyone whereas others believe that it can only be made by those with special ability. Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
One of the most controversial issues among people relates to practise of art. while some people consider that making art is a speciality, others take the view that everyone is able to carry out a certain number of art. In this essay, I am going to examine this question from both points of view.  
  
On one side of the argument, there are people who argue that by making art, they can find pleasure and practise a hobby. Many people choose playing sport, doing music or writing poetry because this allows them to enjoy their spare time although they are not professionals. One good illustration of this is painting our bedroom or apartment by ourselves can positively affect our mood which will provide us a sense of achievement. It is also possible to say that practising art is a manner to reach mental balance.  
  
On the other hand it is also possible to argue that in fact art has compulsorily to be made by those with high ability and capacity. People often have this opinion because art like : sport, painting and poetry are considered as professions and specialities that require perfection when exercising. In order to get a groundbreaking painting or an original peotry, most of people trust in reliable professionals.  
  
As we have seen, there are no easy answers to this question, on balance however, I tend to believe that everyone is allowed to practise the kind of art he likes since this permits him to follow his passion and makes him feel comfortable.
Hey @student\_univers! You got a pretty solid argument here, really there's only repeat spelling issues and the lack of a clear "thesis" or claim. Starting with the most important issue here, being your thesis. One major thing you never want to do in an argumentative essay is "sit on the fence" or try to take a neutral stance.  
  
In your last paragraph where you stake your opinion you start off on the fence then save yourself by saying exactly how you feel. I'd recommend taking out the part "As we have seen, there are no easy answers to this question" as you need to make a direct claim, not state that there is no easy way to make a claim. Keep the remaining portion of your claim however, since you give them a direct answer that answers the prompt of giving your opinion. Besides your thesis issue, the only remaining issues would be repeat spelling errors and some use of cliche statements. I mean no disrespect correcting you, I only intend to help.  
  
So,with this in mind, many times you use the word "Practice", so all you have to do is fix the "S" in each use of the word and you'll be good there! In the first paragraph, I'd recommend changing "making art is a specialty" to "making art is an inherently natural thing that can't be learned" as a specialty CAN be learned, against the beliefs of the individuals taking this side. Directly after that, I'd recommend fixing "able to carry ..." to "able to create art regardless of inherent skill".  
  
In your third paragraph, I'd recommend looking over the sentence "...because art like: sport, painting and poetry are considered professions and specialties that require perfection when exercising". The use of the colon is unnecessary as the list provided is quite short and could be separated by use of normal comas. Secondly, I'd recommend taking out the words "specialties" and "professions" as both of these describe things that many people CAN do regardless of natural ability, which goes against this sides argument of not being able to learn art. Regarding the last sentence of your third paragraph, completely change the sentence " In order to get a ..." to something much more natural, such as " For many individuals, the making of art that is considered "groundbreaking" requires immense skill and effort to be put into its creation; work and effort that would be better spent by someone who is talented in art".  
  
Other than that, just look over your capitalization at the beginning of each sentence to make sure it's properly capitalized and review the spelling of some words such as "Compulsory" in paragraph 3, line 1. Good luck and hope this helps!
Please help me fix this Task 1 for IELTS test. Thank you.  
  
## **The annual pay for doctors and other workers**

  
The bar chart illustrates data on the yearly salary of doctors and other workers in seven nations in a particular year (2004)  
  
Overall, the figure for wages of doctors annually was greater than of other workers in all nations surveyed. In addition, the American doctors by far received the highest salary among their counterparts in other countries.  
  
Italy, Czech Republic, Germany paid for doctors were almost the same. The figures are $60,000, about $65,000 and slightly over $60,000 respectively. Other workers' salary in these European nations is equal, at exactly $20,000. On the other hand, Finland paid $10,000 less for doctor and over $5,000 more than Italy for other workers.  
  
As regard to the remaining countries, in 2004, the figure for paying doctors and other workers was the greatest among seven countries, at $120,000 and about $45,000 respectively. In 2004, France and Switzerland both spent $70,000 on paying each doctor. While about $30,000 was paid for other workers in France, this figure was exactly $40,000 in the case of Switzerland.  
  
*   
*The annual pay for doctors and other workers*
*   
*water usage in Sydney*
The forum has a single essay per thread policy. So your second posting in the same thread is scheduled for deletion. Do not make the mistake of posting 2 essays in one thread again, your account can and will be suspended if you continue to violate the forum rules. I will be reviewing your first posting in this instance, as per forum regulations.  
  
Your presentation is not informative and is confusing to read. You have not fulfilled the requirements for a proper summary overview. You failed to mention the nations involved in the survey, the amount of money used in the measurements, and what the comparisons were based on. These are all part of the discussion outline that should have been provided in your summary overview.  
  
Grammatically speaking you need to review your plural word references. When indicating workers, use are instead of is. Additionally. when you use an apostrophe S at the end of the word "worker's", you are indicating ownership. You were indicating the plural form of the word so you should have omitted the use of the apostrophe S at the end. That is a common mistake often made by ESL students. You need to review the rules about when to use an apostrophe S.  
  
Your data reporting became faulty because you did not properly develop your presentation sentences. You must use estimated full figures, not just the amount differences. The reader needs to know the actual value, even if it is just an estimate.  
  
When writing a series of related information, always remember to use the Oxford comma. Therefore: . The figures are $60,000, about $65,000 **,** and slightly over $60,000 respectively.
The chart illustrates data regarding forested land measured by millions of hectares in multiple regions of the globe. Overall, after the course of 15 years, there was a slight expansion in the forest area in Asia and Europe, whilst the opposite trend was observed in the remained regions. Moreover, Europeean countries always had the largest forest area when compared to the rest.  
  
In 1990, Asian countries had 576 millions of hectares of forest area. This figure slightly dropped to 570 million in 2000 and significantly rose to 584 million after 5 years. Meanwhile, there was an observable surge over the period of 15 years in Europe, starting at 989 millions of hectares in 1990 and reaching 1001 million in 2005.  
  
On the other hand, African region lost their forest area dramatically. They used to have 749 millions of hectares in 1990 but this number declined steeply to 691 million in 2005. There was a slight decrease in forested land in North America from 708 millions of hectares to 705 million and this statistic remained unchanged for the next 5 years. The same trend applied to Oceania. South America suffered the greatest loss of forest area. After 15 years from 1990, the forest area in this region was measured at 882 millions of hectares, significantly smaller than its figure in 1990 (946 millions of hectares).  
  
*
The task 1 essay should not exceed 190 words because you only have 20 minutes to complete this task. You should not be focused on the number of words as that will never ensure a high score. Your ability to properly explain the image, note important data in your report, along with how you present the information in a grammatically correct manner are what will dictate your passing or failing score. Focus on the content, not the word count. The word count won't get you anywhere if your content is faulty.  
  
Overview information should include a listing of the included global regions in the chart. You can either outline that information or, use the countries as indicative of your trending sentence. Whatever the method you choose, just make sure that all the countries are represented / outlined / listed in the summary overview. That is part of the data presentation outline and adds to the accuracy of your task.  
  
Be consistent in your paragraph starter phrases. If you use "on the other hand" in the second paragraph, make sure that you used "On the one hand" in the previous paragraph. The uniformity of presentation is important in each paragraph that you discuss. Be careful with your spelling. Watch out for the red lines that appear under words as you type your text. That represents a misspelled word. You must correct it. Note that the red lines will not appear on the testing center computer, so you have to make sure that you avoid the forced spelling errors by looking for it as you do the practice test. Remember, the LR score will also look at your spelling accuracy and deduct for misspelled and misused words / vocabulary.  
  
Spelling errors:  
Europeean = European  
  
Grammar errors:  
Noun phrase disagreement - 749 millions = million\*  
709 millions of hectares = million\*  
(You consistently make this error in the essay. It could have been corrected if you did some editing work in the paper before you close the essay)  
  
Do not fall prey to forced errors in the essay that could cause you to fail the test. If you apply your editing skills to the copy before you submit the essay, if you focus on content instead of word count, you can avoid those forced errors and perhaps, pass the test.
## Big wealth of famous celebrities

  
  
Entertainment is significian in life ,so famous people such ac singers ,actors,models who benefit from this field.It is argument that they are paid far too much money .In my opinion, I tend to agree that they deserve a high salary for their delication and effort.  
  
First of all,as other professions,celebritieshave to give a lot of time and relentless training effortin the hopes of shinning in the limelight .For example,, Korean trainees who spent many years efforting against thounsands of ones ro reserve a debut .Secondly,not everyone has a rich artistic talent that has to go through the process of harsh training ,so that thay can compete in a fast-firing work environment. Therefore,They absolutely deserve be paid a high income for their efforts.  
  
Another argument in favor of paying a lot of money for the jobs which helps decuation and healthof community .In fact, Professtions such as teachers,doctors,engineers who have a more stable salary than well-known people.Because they do not have retirement pensions then they get older and the amount of money they receive depends on the numberof stickets sold each concert and profit from the music product .While the the new celebrities just appear and the old ones have to try their best to bring the quality end trendy goods in order to maintain their social position.It is undeniable that famous people are influencers who have power in media community to join them and their fans together to help the disadvantages or donate charitable funds.Futher more,the spiritual contributions of celebrities not only help us to relax but also inspire the dynamic.  
  
In conclusion,I belive that celebrities appropriate be paid far much money for their dedication.Because every occupations are equal,no job is more noble than any one,as long as they work true