dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
@Holt  
Thank you for your comment and you help me realize my problems. As you said, I totally focus on Vietnam and it's definitely out of the topic. Besides, the structure I used in my essay is that 1 idea in body 1 and 2 ideas in body 2 with the phrase "it is more convincing to ..." . I think it means I'm in favor of the opinion in body 2? But now, after receiving your feedbacks, I realize that I need to change my writing style. Thank you.  
  
@chantran  
Thank you :)) Actually I did give my opinion in the conclusion but I guess it's not really clear so people or examiner can find it hard to catch my idea. I need to make it clear next time. Thank you anyway :))
## Should government regulate the fast food industries in the same way that regulate the drug, alcohol

  
  
Many people claim that the government should regulate the fast food industries in the same way that regulates the drug, alcohol, tobacco industries. I agree with this idea. It's not only harmful to our health but also does not ensure hygiene.  
  
Fast food is harmful to our health, especially our children. Firstly, the components of them have too much oil, favor, and addictives in, which easily make diseases. It can lead to obesity, high-pressure blood, or serious cancer. Secondly, it doesn't have enough nutrition for our body to develop. We are likely to lack nutrition; Moreover, in its ingredients, there have materials that make addiction. We are so uneasy to hold back our appetite. For instance, in 1980 in England, there had a girl who just ate potatoes for life. She ate about 73kg of potatoes at an average rate daily. As the result, she is obese now. Her weight reached 170kg when she was 21 years old. She can't be able to stand up or going around. For this reason, we have to ban the industry's activities.  
  
Moreover, we don't know exactly that fast food is clear or not. These food are made by some companies which maybe don't have any permit. Also, we do not know if the ingredients of this food are unfresh. Do we know if the worker doesn't take the gloves or wash their hands before working? As I remembered, I saw a worm in a bread I had just bought in the lovely morning in the past. It's so disgusting.  
  
In conclusion, I think the government should prohibit the business actives of the fast-food industry. It is not suitable for eating at any time of the day.
I agree with this idea.  
Seeing as there was no specific Agree or disagree response choice for this direct . statement, you could have varied the response by using a Yes or No response instead. The yes or no option appears to be more applicable in this case since there is only one - for you to comment on. Varying the actual response will help you show a wider response format style as well. buch an ansever is also more attuned to your response thesis.  
  
For instance, in 1980  
Use a more recent sample since fast food items are already somewhat regulated by the FDA and Department of health in every country. The age of the information, being over 41 years old makes it appear researched. The example provided also does not contain a connection to fast food preparation in the 21st century. You are using early 20th century data instead.  
  
is clear  
What needs to be clear about fastfood.It has to be CLEAN. A word choice error and it's subsequent improper use in the sentence occurred.  
  
The writer understood the topic and delivered a mostly cohesive and coherent discussion. However, there are still vocabulary and reference errors that will lower the score.
**The plan below shows the site of an airport now and how it will look after redevelopment next year.  
*Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.***  
  
Given is the map illustrating some changes will occur in Southwest Airport in the near future.  
Overall, two main modifications will be made to the airport. These involve the erections of new amenities and the modernization in the transportation system.  
In the present there is only one door for each in the arrivals and the departures, but this number is likely to increase twofold in the following year. In the north of the airport, the boarding hall is going to be enlarged with the addition of 10 gates as well as being converted from a rectangular layout to an Y-shaped one. The walkway is also planned to be replaced by a sky train to optimize passenger's time to arrive at their gates.  
  
The security and the customs remain unchanged, however, the check-in to the left of the departures will be replaced to the opposite site in order to make room for a bag drop and the relocation of the café. In addition, a new shop will be built next year, but only for the security area. There are also the constructions of an ATM, a cafe and a car hire which will be accompanied with a minor expansion in the southeast of the airport.  
  
Thanks for your advice !  
  
*
There needs to be an expanded use of punctuation marks to add clarity to the paragraphs. A properly placed comma here, a period there. Proper punctuation placement will help increase the score of this essay in at least 3 related sections.  
  
The summary overview could have been better presented over 3 sentences in a single paragraph. There isn't enough information to warrant the seperation of the trending sentence from the overview. neither should the comparison report be spread out over 4 paragraphs. Stand -alone sentences are not useful in C + C scoring. This is only used in class to help the student learn what each sentence should represent. In actual writing the overiaw should be a combined data reference.
Question:  
***The government should control the amount of violence in films and televisions in order to decrease the violent crimes in the society.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
Essay: It is indisputable that the increasing crime rates are related to brutal scenes on screen and people believe that the government has responsibility for the decline in the appearance of these scenes. From my point of view, I completely agree with this statement.  
  
Firstly, it is undeniable that violence is an essential part of action or thriller movies, but for a long, they have had bad impacts on people, especially on children. Since bloody scenes can stimulate human brains and create a sense of excitement, children have been dragged along with those feelings and would try to imitate the characters on screen. As children do not have enough awareness of what should or should not do, they tend to accept violence as a way to deal with their problems. Therefore, there have been many incidents of school violence and the juvenile delinquency rate is increasing.  
  
Furthermore, although adults are better than children at self-awareness and self-control, brutality on media can also have bad effects on their minds. In fact, long-term exposure to cruel scenes can erode adults' consciousness and autonomy. Thus, they take violence for granted and have a tendency to commit a crime. For instance, in the USA, a man opened fire on a crowd as he was trying to act like Bane, the villain of The Dark Knight Rise, at a movie premiere.  
  
In conclusion, controlling brutality in films and televisions is a must, and the government should take responsibility to strictly supervise it. Because violent scenes on media have bad impacts on children and they can stimulate adults to commit an offense.
Try not to exaggerate your paraphrasing of the original topic. Do not alter the orginal reference point. This is a discussion of a public opinion rather than a debate about an indisputable fact. There is no reference to an indisputable fact in the original so you will already lose points for altering the original topic basis. Use a less inflammatory tone. This is an academic written discussion that should use an even academic tone throughout. No flaming is necessary.  
  
I completely agree  
Next time include one or 2 sentences referring to the reason/s why you believe so. The basis of your , is part of the scored introduction.  
  
but for a long  
A long what? This is an English reference to a period of coverage st, the word you are looking for is time. Without the time reference, the phrase is incomplete.  
  
Because  
Academic writing rules do not allow the use of a connecting word at the start of a sentence.
## Advertisements are becoming more and more common in everyday life. Is it positive or negative?

  
  
It is argued that advertising is becoming more popular in our daily life. While I accept that this has both benefits and drawbacks, I would argue that there are more disadvantages than advantages.  
  
On the one hand, advertisement has some benefits. Chief amongst them is that it can provide information to customers about products and services. Therefore, customers can make better shopping choices. Take an example, people watch TV commercials about different brands of shampoo products and they can choose the one that works best for them. Furthermore, advertising can raise people's awareness and knowledge about product development. It can be seen that advertisements help people discover more about technical devices. For instance, kids know a lot about technical devices because they watch many adverts about digital gadgets on television.  
  
On the other hand, I strongly believe that there are great drawbacks which outweigh these benefits. The primary reason for this view is that an organization has to spend a huge amount of money on advertising. As a result, this lead to an increase in the cost of their products and services. For example, Vinamilk takes billion Vietnam dong to promote their new milk product. Another factor is that advertising encourages people to buy things that they do not really need. Apple's marketing and advertising campaigns, for instance, have a huge influence on the spending habits of the young generation. As a result, many the young are long to own the latest version of the iPhone even though their old still are perfectly adequate for their needs.  
  
In conclusion, although there are some positive effects of advertisements, it seems to me that it is more disadvantages to using adverts.
Consider the original response wording and use it precisely in your opinion statement. Your current response has delivered an incorrect format as it is a totally different prompt response. It will get a failing consideration in terms of the prompt restatement + personal opinion consideration. This is a positive or negative result consideration essay. It is melt the same as an advantage or disadvantage opinion. The discussion considerations of the 2 are highly different.  
  
Having had the total presentation, it is clear that the writer has misunderstood the discussion presentation and how to present its related response. The overall essay cannot pass since it failed to present the expected and expected response. The writer must work on strengthening his English comprehension skills and additionally, familiarize himself with the various task 2 response formats.
## MENTAL AND PHYSICAL STRENGTH - WHICH IS MORE IMPORTANT IN SPORTS?

  
  
**Some people claim that mental strength is more important for success in sports. Others believe that it is more important for sportspeople to be strong and fit. Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
It is sometimes argued that preparing mental toughness is superior to physical strength. There could be several reasons why this is the case, and I believe that it is necessary to have a strong body and health due to its huge impact on the improvement of success rate.  
  
Granted, one might argue that mental strength would be necessary if sports participants want to win the competition. According to this theory, it is proven by psychologists that participants with weaker health can still win the competition if they have well-made strategies, such as analysing the weakness of rivals or finding out smart ways to win the match without using too much strength. This is also predicated on the assumption that the mentality of sportsmen plays a vital role when practicing. For instance, people who have a fear of water can hardly join swimming even though they have excellent physical health. By observing thoroughly and preparing a stable mind, lacking mentality is not a problem for sportsmen.  
  
Having said that, this line of reasoning is not sound since great strength of mind is not enough for participants to win others. Since in sports such as basketball or football, players have to meet high standards such as over 180 centimeters height or having no health problems. To take the World Cup for example, it can be witnessed that there were no Asian teams being able to win the first prize, because footballers in these areas are generally shorter and weaker than European ones. Although it is true that having a stable mentality can increase the success rate for competitors, players can still be low-spirited when they actually meet rivals with huge differences in physical fitness. By contrast, competitors who have better strength are more confident, which results in a great mental and physical condition.  
  
To conclude, a well-prepared strength and fitness in a sports competition is irreplaceable since it prevents huge differences in sportsmen, which leads to greater mental condition and more opportunities to win the match. (334 words)
is superior to physical strength  
In what instance? The restatement is incomplete not having referred to the subject of the discussion which is sports. The topic introduction lacked substance in relation to the reasons provided since there was no central topic provided.  
  
Okay. Here is the main problem with your presentation. You are using a personal opinion for both reasons in each paragraph. The preferred format is to have the writer consider the public opinion first. Present 2 sentences representing the public, then use a transition sentence to connect these to your 2 sentence personal opinion. Yes, this is a comparative discussion presentation. Do not convert it to a personal opinion presentation alone. Use proper pronouns for differentiation and grammar accuracy. Consider why the public supports each opinion then agree or disagree with it.
## **Nowadays university education is considered very important for people's future.**

  
*However, there are a lot of successful people who didn't get higher education.  
Do you think that higher education is necessary to succeed in life? Justify your opinion with relevant examples.*  
  
It is true that these days, having an academic scope from the institution is significant for people. Although a number of people become successful in their lives, without owning a professional degree, I believe that educational qualification can help people to unlock better opportunities in life. However, there are also some other factors that one needs to be aware of in order to reach their life goals.  
  
To begin with, academic training provides some sort of skills which are vital for the working environment. Indeed, when people study at university, some skills such as communication, leadership, interpersonal, teamwork, analytics...can be strengthened. For instance, many individuals are weak at communication, which makes it difficult for them to express themselves clearly, going to an institution allows them to have opportunities to improve this by doing presentation and teamwork exercises, which they barely did at high school. Consequently, university education is beneficial in terms of providing essential skills to be successful in life.  
  
On the other hand, the educational scope does not necessary, if an individual can manage to learn it through working experience. In other words, lessons taught at the institution are compiled by top experts in their industry so there are also other available places to learn such as companies, weekly workshops, online speeches...For example, if an individual wants to learn about Digital Marketing, he or she can find many resources online to study or apply to work in a Digital Marketing Agency to learn from other colleagues and their boss. With continuous effort, one can surely succeed in life just by keeping learning every day.  
  
In conclusion, it seems to me that higher education has many pros, but it is not the only way that helps people to achieve their life goals.
academic scope  
What exactly do you mean by this? I believeit is a word choice error as this references an area of learning rather than a university degree. just because the combination of words sounds fancy and advanced, does not mean it is applicable to the discussion. Check the word or phrase reference before using it. Make sure it applies to the discussion. Errors like there can lower the score.  
  
However, there are also some other factors that one needs to be aware of in order to reach their life goals.  
Prompt deviation. your reference and discussion should only focus on  
  
I believe that educational qualification can help people to unlock better opportunities in life  
based on the question   
  
Do you think that higher education is necessary to succeed in life?  
. Your additional. unrelated response will lower the restatement score. Any and all references to this topic will not earn score credits and will instead, be deducted from your word count, resulting in a failing score.
*MANY PEOPLE LEAVE THEIR HOME COUNTRY AND GO TO OTHER COUNTRIES TO LIVE AND WORK. WHY DO YOU THINK IT IS HAPPENING?*  
## DO THE ADVANTAGES OF THIS TREND OUTWEIGH ITS DISADVANTAGES?

  
  
*My essay:***The prompt: Many people leave their home country and go to other countries to live and work.**  
  
There is indeed a considerable number of people choosing to go to foreign nations to make a living and settle in these places. There could be several reasons for this, and I consider it to be more benefits than drawbacks.  
  
Nowadays, some people would like to have personal developing opportunities in their career but in some cases, in their native land, they can not seek out any chance for this because maybe their jobs or majors are not popular in their country. For example, in some countries, artificial intelligence is an aspect that is not enough common so that all the people who pay more attention to it can approach and find jobs. Hence, they have to move to other countries where they are enabled to study and work in this sector.  
  
In my view, this trend brings about many upsides rather than downsides. As I mentioned before, people who live and work abroad might find good jobs that are suitable for their interests and ability, so they might also be capable of earning a high salary and make their life better. On another side, it can be difficult for some people because they might feel out of water when living overseas alone, they also have to face many problems such as strange culture, communicative barrier. However, they can solve these things by learning the language and making more friends o improve their knowledge about the culture and inhabitants in this country.  
  
In conclusion, some individuals who go away from their home country result from the challenge of finding jobs in society, and I believe that this trend is desirable.  
  
Thanks for your help!
When asked "Why do you think this is so?" that is the opening for the thesis statement presentation. It means, a precise and direct reason for the occurrence must be presented as a part of the opinion statement. It cannot be responded to vaguely by giving a non descriptive response. When asked for reasons or a reason, provide one. This will tell the examiner that you understand the topic and what the discussionr requirements are. The current presentation is only partially responsive in terms of response format and answer requirements. This is a 3 sentence presentation.  
  
Sentence 1: Topic  
Sentence 2: Response to the first question  
Sentence 3: Response to the second question  
  
The reason paragraph is good. It is not grammatically perfect but, it allows a clear understanding of the thoughts of the writer just the same. It works because the logic within the presentation is focused on a single topic. It covers all the required elements of the paragraph presentation. However, the same cannot be said for the second reasoning paragraph.  
  
Do not use a compare and contrast presentation because this is a single opinion essay. Both reasons you present should prove that disadvantages are actual advantages. It should not indicate a confusing presentation that blurs your actual opinion when compared to your restatement paragraph.
@Thuyan1211  
In my opinion, your essay is clearly structured with Introduction, 2 body passages and Conclusion, which is good.  
However, I have some comments based on my own experience:  
In introduction, I would like to add 1 - 2 leading sentences to make the opening smoothier by referring to Globalization or something like that ^^  
About pointing reasons of living and working in other countries, it think it would be better if you can support the sencond passage with 2 reasons that might strongly prove your opinions. (Besides, I see in the Introduction you already wrote " several reasons")  
  
The third paragraph looks fine to me  
The conclusion should be restate reason(s) and your opinion more strongly, I believe.  
  
That's my personal thought. Hope it will be helpful to you :))
## Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable

  
  
Hobbies are believed to be hard so that they can be enjoyable. In my viewpoint, I'm not in agreement with this idea.  
The first reason is that people have a variety of interests which depend on their personalities. Some get used to a hectic lifestyle and therefore they have considerable demands for demanding and challenging experiences. The harder the hobbies are, the more excited they feel. Meanwhile, others prefer a more easy and slow style of living which means that they want something predictable and not tough to achieve. So they have simple but not less fun hobbies. For example, I'm the second type and my hobby is reading books. Despite being straightforward, it broadens my horizon as well as gives me a sense of accomplishment when finishing a book. In contrast, my brother is the first type and has a passion for information technology. This requires a high level of knowledge and experience so he has to work really hard.  
  
In addition to the above reason, difficult and easy hobbies are equally pleasurable for different reasons. The majority has a big effect on a person. one can be keen on an activity because it gains popularity while others cross it off their bucket list as their friends do. Moreover, those who are economical would rather take up free of charge leisures. some people even put an activity on their bucket list to be the same as their idols. Case in point, music is not one's cup of tea but when he becomes a fan of a singer, he will find songs more interesting and maybe try to be a singer, regardless of challenges.  
  
In conclusion, I disagree with the idea that hobbies give more sense of satisfaction when they are more difficult since they play a vital role in our life though tough or easy.
The prompt restatement is not altered enough in terms of keywords and thought reference fron the original. It needs to be changed a bit more in terms of sentence structure to be accepted as a paraphrased statement. The opinion sponte is partially correct only. This is a measured or degree response essay. Yes, it is based on an agree v disagree format. However, it requires an emotional representation of the writer's support of the opinion. The essay will recieve a partial TA score as the response format is still only partially correct in presentation format. The paragraph also fails to represent q complete paragraph. That should be presented within 3-5 sentences. 1-2 sentences is only a partial paragraph.  
  
The conclusion should follow the same format. Seperate the sentences by idea or topic. One sentence each.