dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements

  
  
In this technology day and age, more and more people become well-known for their scandals and rich, instead of their exceptional talent. Besides that, there are many contradictory discussions surrounding this topic, whether that this would have a wide-scale negative or positive impact on youngsters. Personally, I think that the famous-by-rich celebrities would both set good and bad examples for the adolescents which depend on their circumstances.  
  
On the one hand, many people launch into fame by showing off their luxurious lifestyle, of which they easily buy and own unaffordable assets, making the rest desire to be like them. The young generation these days, especially those with low cognitive ability, easy to be tempted to imitate to buy expensive items to just be like their idol, regardless of how hard and difficult they need to afford those things. Some famous people have realized this situation, but instead of using their fame and spoken power to stop this case of a situation, they ignored it and even felt happy to feel themself have enormous impacts. Additionally, some celebrities nowadays literally do not need to make money to have a wealthy style but inherit or use their parents' handsome amount of money, adversely affecting the adolescents nowadays to depend more on their parents to pursue what they want, instead of eaning by themself, leading to the hedonistic lifestyle.  
  
On the other hand, the fact that some famous people are known for their scandalous lifestyle did not mean all of the glamorous are the same. Some cases that people tried by themself, making effort on pursuing their dreams, being wealthy thanks to their excellent achievements. For example, Mark Zuckerberg, who become famous for being the founder and CEO of Facebook, gave inspiration to the young by his recipe to succeed, including waking up early, reading books, not focusing too much on what you wear every day, etc, making a significant change on some of the young's lifestyles. This kind of self-made celebrity creates and contributes a sustainable impact on the young's success.  
  
In conclusion, some rich celebrities are well-known for their fancy style, instead of their outstanding talent, actually having negative impacts on the young generation, but to a certain point, there are also many wealthy famous people who influence positively to the young generations thanks to their strong determination and hard work. In my opinion, I think we should be selectively smart in choosing their role models, not just by their performance through social media, but also their real characteristics.
You are over discussing this essay to the point where you will not be able to complete all the task requirements within the 40 minute writing allowance. There should not be more than 300 words in your final copy. There must be less of a focus on word count and more on clarity of logic, reasoning, and simplicity of the presentation. Keep it within 5 sentences per paragraph, with no more than 3 cohesive reasoning paragraphs in the presentation.  
  
For this type of essay, only 2 reasoning paragraphs would be sufficient. No need to over discuss. Keep track of the time allowance. This is not a comparison essay. It is a single opinion discussion essay. That means, you defend your opinion using 2 clear reasons in individual paragraphs. Only the reason(s) related to your opinion will be scored. All other lengthy but unrelated discussions will not be considered within scoring requirements.
## holidays in Vietnam

  
  
Tet marks the arrival of spring and is the most important celebration in Vietnamese culture. Most Vietnamese people enjoy this holiday with their family members in their hometown. However, in recent years, the trend of traveling far away from home during this holiday is frankly increasing. I have no objection to it.  
  
Tet is an occasion for family reunion. It is special for us to gather, enjoy time, and share meals with friends or family members. At that time, family members return to their homeland to visit grandparents and parents. It is really a beauty of Vietnam's culture.  
  
Besides, having a trip away from home is quite awesome to have new experiences with different customs, cultures and explore many beautiful scenes. It is also a different way to take a break and forget about the busy life after working hard for a whole year.  
  
To sum up, Tet is a time for togetherness, cohesiveness. We should maintain that, no matter what we do and how we enjoy this occasion. I think " a Tet far from home" is not a bad idea. As a Vietnamese, I highly recommend people spend this holiday with family and relatives in their h
is the most important celebration in Vietnamese culture.  
What is the cultural relevance of Tet beyond marking a season? This reference has to be further explained if you are to properly identify the importance of this event on both a social and family basis.  
  
It is special for us to gather,  
What sets Tet apart from the other holidays when the family also gathers? What is the relevance of the family gathering? Why can the other festicals not duplicate the same sense of importance in their occassions?  
  
It is really a beauty of Vietnam's culture.  
You prove this with what description?  
  
having a trip away from home is quite awesome to have new experiences with different customs,  
Is this in reference to tourists? Please clarify who you are referring to in this sentence to help the reader better understand your reference point.  
  
togetherness, cohesiveness.  
Remove the comma and use the word "and" instead. That is because a comma is used to connect a list of at least 3 words, you only have 2 words to connect.  
  
holiday with family and relatives in their h  
Huh? Incomplete sentence.
## the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time

  
  
The charts illustrate the percentage of household with electrical appliances and the number of hours of housework per week between 1920 and 2019.  
In general, after 1920, more families started to purchase and install electrical devices in their own homes. The lager number of electrical products purchased had resulted in a decrease in the number of housework hours.  
  
In 1920, the percentage of people using all three appliances were relatively low. The figures for washing machine and vacuum cleaner were approximately 30 percent to 40 percent, while refrigerator usage was nearly 0 percent. With the limited number of uses in electrical appliances, the number of hours doing the housework during that period was equivalently high, at about 60 hours per week. However, in 1960, there was a sharp rise in the proportion of electrical appliances being purchased in homes, which led to the decline in the hours spent on household chores to 20 hours weekly.  
  
In 2019, the percentage of vacuum cleaner and refrigerator being used reached the maximum, 100 percent. Meanwhile, the washing machine experienced a gradual growth and reached the highest peak of almost 80 percent. This, in turn, cause the dramatic decrease in household working hours to only 10 hours per week  
  
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The charts  
The importance of the number of images indicated cannot be overemphasized. The number of images and what each imager represents in summary will create the summarized discussion basis for your report and analysis. These create the imagery for the reader. Therefore, the number of images plus the actual chart type is important. By the way, these are not chart images but line graph images. You made a mistake in the image identifier section.  
  
lager  
Lager is a type of beer, which you obviously are not talking about here. Word choice and correct usage will either increase or decrease your score. When uncertain of the word reference, Use an equivalent for it. Remember to also spell check because sometimes, wrong spelling can incorrectly sneak into your sentences and presentations.That will also lower your score.  
  
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## **Percentage of British students able to speak languages other than English in 2000 and 2010**

  
  
The charts give information about the languages other than English that British students at a university in England can speak, in 2000 and 2010.  
  
It is noticeable that the proportion of students who could speak other languages in addition to English increased after ten years, in 2010. Moreover, Spanish was the language that was spoken most commonly in both years.  
  
From 2000 to 2010, the proportion of students who could only speak English fell from 20% to 10%, which showed a noticeable decrease of 10%. By contrast, the proportion of students who had an ability of speaking more than one languages increased from 10% to 15%, which went up by 5%. Both the percentages of those who spoke another language and those who spoke Spanish increased by 5% between the two years, which were the first and second largest groups in 2010, and the sum of them accounted for 55% of the total percentages.  
  
However, there was no change in the percentage of German speakers, which remained at 10%. Finally, the only decline language occurred in French, which dropped by 5%, from 15% to 10%. Both the proportions of French and German speakers were the lowest in 2010.  
  
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The charts give information  
Be specific about the chart types and the chart representations. I am sure that you are aware of the several types of charts available, which is why properly identifying the type of chart is part of the TA scoring process. The proper differenctiation of the charts through its representations is also part of this consideration. Do not forget to identify the number of charts as well to help increase the clarity of the image summary.  
  
in 2010  
Avoid providing specific information in the trending sentence / paragraph. This should only be a general reference. You may use the decades reference but no more than that because the minute actual data is mention, the analysis and comparison discussion requirements will kick in. Sadly, you cannot discuss the image information in the summary overview + trending statement / paragraph section.  
  
Good work in the analysis and reporting paragraphs. These are accurate to a fault. The 3rd paragraph could have been shorter to help keep the balance of the overall presentation, which was based mostly on the 3 sentence per paragraph presentation. The 3rd paragraph threw off the balanced discussion presentation. You could have added to the analysis of the 4th paragraph to help balance out the presentation. The 3rd paragraph has a run-on sentence in the last presentation. Based on the information presented, another sentence, rather than a comma should have been used in the final infofrmation presentation. That is due to the last half of the sentence presenting a stand alone string of information that cannot be coupled with the previous information.
## IELTS Writing task 2 - opinion essay

  
  
*Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think it is better to work for different organizations.  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.*  
  
Many people argue that majority of people prefer to work for the same company all their whole time-life of working. However, there are still another group of people who prefer to work for other organizations to get diverse kind of experiences. I would detail my opinion before giving a reasonable view  
  
First, people working for the same organizations are people who like to have a stable at work. However, it is not detrimental, they can have a solid experience and important position at work. They have more veneration and career advancement than people working at different places. For example, A professor, who dedicated for a long time could have an opportunity to have more research works than B professor who comes from another.  
  
On the other hand, switching organizations can make people be more termes as multi-talented. They can learn more skills for their future job such as community skills, ability to find information, and improve their endurance of themselves. Maybe they can't have a stable life but in a contrast, they will have an exciting life as they wanted. Furthermore, they could have lucrative opportunities. It sounds more interesting when we have wide-range experiences, different counterparts, and become active humans. For instance, a software developer expert in different platforms and programming languages is better suitable for large software companies and their careers often include working in different companies.  
  
After analyzing these two outlooks, it can be assumed that sticking with one company can bring you steady working life. But choosing more than one company for your future job is also a good choice. If they choose it properly at the right time and the right place, they will get the optimal outcome.
I would detail my opinion before giving a reasonable view  
Good work on restating the two public opinions. Bad work on presenting a non-commital response to the "give your opinion" part of the discussion. In this form, the restatement has been fulfilled but the personal opinion presentation was not. So there will be a scoredown for the missing person opinion aspect. Remember, the score for the task is also scored on the clarity of your personal opinion presentation in the Restatement + Personal Opinion part. Without the clear personal opinion, you cannot be given a score for that section.  
  
Offering a general discussion does not reallly work well for this type of 3 reasoning paragraph presentation. You can actually respond either in a 2 reasoning or 3 reasoning paragraph format. To get a complete score for the reasoning section, you have to explain each public opinion and then offer your opinion of each in the same paragraph or, use the third person discussion points for each viewpoint in a stand alone paragraph, then offer your personal opinion as the third paragraph presentation. If you read your presentation, you will see that you used only your personal opinion based on a general discussion format, without really identifying the differences in points of view based on the original prompt indicators.  
  
While the essay does contain a summary conclusion, the missing clarity of the discussion paragraphs will be the main cause for the scoredown of this essay.  
  
\*Contact us privately for a review based on the scoring criteria.
The prompt asked you to give your opinion, but you did not mention it in your opening. Your opening should have answered all the requirements of the task, in a detailed content, not in this vague one. **I would detail my opinion before giving a reasonable view**  
  
I misunderstood there. You should tell clearly like that "A professor, who was dedicated for a long time in a company, could have more opportunities to have more research works than B professor who had just come yet". It took me a long time to understand what you were trying to say. **For example, A professor, who dedicated ...**  
  
You had two paragraphs that emphasized public opinion, not yours. Like Mr. Holt said, "If you read your presentation, you will see that you used only your personal opinion based on a general discussion format". I thought it would be better if you gave each of opinion both the advantages and disadvantages. Then, in the third paragraph, you should give your opinion and the reason why you favor neither one of them nor both.
## the consequences of moving abroad

  
  
In this day and age, the topic of social problems is something which bears some situations. It is the opinion of this writer that settling down in a foreign country can lead to some severe issues.  
  
It is vital to understand that living in another country can cause difficulties in manner and habit. It is because people get used to the living style as well as the culture of their motherland, they can not mend themself to modify this new way immediately. Take Korea for a specific example, despite pointing at others is not serious, it is extremely impolite in this country. As a consequence, people can make rash decisions that may destroy their life. Therefore, it is easy to understand why they should obey and follow these customs to adapt to new accommodation.  
  
Another factor that leads to this problem is language limitation. It must be self-evident that language is a crucial instrument to communicate and connect in daily life. In this situation, Jack Ma is a prime instance, thanks to his great effort in studying English, he becomes a very successful businessman and overcomes the obstacles in language As a result, lack of understanding can strangle their perception and impact on foolish behavior. One must not neglect to mention that each country contains a different stigma so making trouble is something inevitable.  
  
Taking all points into account, it can be seen that living habits and language complications are valid arguments to consider. Hence, it should have been demonstrated that staying in another nation can cause practical issues.
I am not sure what prompt you think you are responding to but, it is not in line with the original Task 2 prompt which is:  
  
*Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?*  
  
Based on the aforementioned prompt, it is impossible for your essay to get a passing score when the following errors are considered:  
- Incorrect prompt restatement + writer's opinion (Task response format is wrong)  
- Irrelevant reasoning paragraphs. Both paragraphs are difficult to understand due to the improper sentence structures and the difficulty of the writer in finding the correct words to use to help take his ideas from thought to paper. It appears that niether discussion paragraphs are related to the language reference of the original prompt.  
  
The summary conclusion is also incorrect when the original prompt and reasoning parameters are considered. This essay does not appropriately represent the task. It is a non-passing essay.  
  
The focus of your discussion has to be on the social problems caused by language barriers. It should also represent some practical issues regarding communication of people who do not speak the language of the country they are in. It is obvious that you misunderstood the prompt to a great extent, leading to the incorrect discussion presentation.  
  
By the way, use first person pronouns since your direct opinion is required. Saying "this writer" infers that you are making a statement regarding something that someone else wrote. It is an improper opinion source reference.
## The diagrams portray the flood problem in a specific UK town and two feasible solutions.

  
The commercial building locates to the South of River B. Industrial Park and Residential area, which lie in the North of River B, the former situation in the West of River A whilst the latter is to the East. Those buildings are all prone to flooding.  
  
The first solution aims to change the position of 3 constructions moving out of the flooding area. To be precise, a move up toward the South of river B is carried out in the commercial building. Simultaneously, other constructions are moved forward to the South of River B. The main advantage of this plan is to protect the environment, while the drawback is it costs a fortune.  
  
Regarding the second proposal, there would be no building displacement, but two dams are the main element to cope with the flood. One dame place on the North source of River A and one in the West of river B. Despite having a low expenditure for the benefit, this solution will affect the land.  
  
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Please work on creating more understandable sentences for your essays. In this particular essay, you truly have a problem in presenting your thought ideas in sentence form. The sentence structures are problem filled because of your inability to form coherent sentence ideas. This is most specially true for the summary overview. Your summary of the images are going to force a failed GRA score due to the confusion your statement has created.  
  
it costs a fortune  
While this is an English phrase and it was used properly in the context of the presentation, it is not an academic form of reference to the expense of construction. Never forget that you are writing an academic paper so you cannot use non-academic words and phrases in the presentation. Such references are better used in creative writing presentations.  
  
You are also mostly just mimicking the illustration points rather than trying to present these in your own words. These will cause deductions as you are showing an inability to restate the image clue/ keywords. Since these are direct cut and paste presentations, you will lose task points in the relevant sections.  
  
You do not show any improvement over the course of your essay writing. This being the 3rd essay you are seeking advice on, I am starting to wonder if you are even listening to the advice that I am giving you at this point. Maybe you do not care for the advice I provide? If so, then consider this the last piece of advice you will receive from me.
***IT IS BETTER FOR CHILDREN IF THE WHOLE FAMILY INCLUDING AUNTS, UNCLES, AND SO ON ARE INVOLVED IN A CHILD'S UPBRINGING, RATHER THAN JUST THEIR PARENTS.***  
  
## TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?

  
  
For editing, content, and formatting needs please contact us at essayforum.com@gmail.com. Thank you! EF  
  
There is an opinion that children benefit more if they are raised in an extended family rather than a nuclear family. Personally, I disagree with this view for several reasons.  
  
Firstly, childcare by parents together undoubtedly improves their children's mental and physical development. This is chiefly because mothers engaged in childcare often provide nurturing care and emotional support, while fathers usually spend more time in playful and physically stimulating interactions with their children. Of course, one might argue that when young people grow up, for instance, with grandparents, uncles and aunts, they can also gain additional affections and participate with them in certain physical activities. However, since older relatives tend to have less physical stamina and perhaps much less sentimental bond with young children, their interactions are not as active and empathic as the parent-child ones.  
  
In addition, growing up in an immediate family allows children to avoid conflict in terms of lifestyles between their parents and other caregivers. This is because when interacting with his parents, a young child is only exposed to a particular way of reasoning, which ultimately shapes his future moral stance and social-emotional outcomes. As a result, this can mitigate the risk of ideological conflict in the child's mind caused by extended family members. For example, although children will be allowed to play video games for hours on end if living with uncles and aunts, they will be told to use their time more wisely by their parents at home, which in turn, may engender bewildered children.  
  
In conclusion, the childrearing by both parents is superior because it enables children to better develop the mental and physical conditions and adhere well to their parents' way of living. These benefits are not as pronounced or even not found in the child's upbringing by an extended family.  
  
I'd very appreciate if you could grade mine based on IELTS descriptors. Thanks.