dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Argument topic:** *The following is a memorandum from the business manager of a television station.  
"Over the past year, our late-night news program has devoted increased time to national news and less time to weather and local news. During this time period, most of the complaints received from viewers were concerned with our station's coverage of weather and local news. In addition, local businesses that used to advertise during our late-night news program have just canceled their advertising contracts with us. Therefore, in order to attract more viewers to the program and to avoid losing any further advertising revenues, we should restore the time devoted to weather and local news to its former level*  
  
## a memorandum from the business manager of a tv station

  
  
News programs disseminate awareness to the people about the circumstances that are happening overall around the world. The manager received the complaints about reducing the time of local and weather news.The people who concerned about local news must be the people living in that locality.The manager mentioned that most of the viewers have a problem with it. The manager did not mention who are the viewers.If the viewers do not belong to local places, they will not concern about the fact of changing the times of news slots.In order to draw any conclusion from this, the manager should have work on types of viewers who are not compatible with this change and then accordingly proceed.  
  
Advertising local business must have a reason to cancel the contract with the television station. The change in timings of news slots seems have no relation with advertising companies. The manager should investigate to find out the plausible reason for this cancellation of the contract.It may be the coincidence that time shifting of news slots and cancellation of the agreement between them happen simultaneously. Without analyzing the actual situation, must not make any conclusion.  
  
The number of viewers not only depend on the news programs.As television station comprises of a variety of television programs, one must not only focused on the news channels viewers.Although news programs provide us an important information, some people like to watch entertainment program also.The manager is focusing only on news programs.As a business manager of a television station.he must think ecumenically.  
  
His main motive is to attract more viewers and make the profit.In order to do this, restoring time of news slots is a narrow view. Maybe, people are now adapted to that paradigm.Restoring back to prior is not a wise decision, it could not give satisfactory results.He can conduct a survey and get an idea about improvements he should do, practical approach is way more efficient than theoretical theories.Television programs are not only restricted to a particular locality, it is widespread.Therefore, the manager also thinks broadly .
Abhilash, your arguments are not very convincing as you do not show a higher degree of analytical thinking beyond the mere paraphrasing of the original content. You state facts based upon the original presentation without offering additional considerations, insights, or possibilities / arguments running counter to the present discussion. This has created a weak discussion that does not truly consider all possible arguments and counter arguments regarding the topic. Your statements are not developed in a manner that show a deeper understanding or consideration of the pros and cons of the suggestions in the original prompt. Your analysis needs to have better considerations before it can be considered a strong plea for the restoration of the previous programming. You were not able to convince the reader regarding your position.  
  
The other weakness of your essay comes in the form of its problematic presentation. Your sentences are not spaced properly even after you end a sentence. You need to remember to hit the space bar in order to create reading space on the page. Also, every starting word of a sentence must be capitalized. What is even more worrisome is the fact that you have a tendency to use big English words without really knowing the meaning of it. For example, you used the term "ecumenically" when you meant to say "economically" or something similar in terms of economics. Ecumenically is a religious term that is used to define the promotion of a universal church. Which is tremendously far in meaning and intention from the way you intended to use the term in your essay. Make sure you know the proper English term and meaning before you use it otherwise you will lower your score due to vocabulary and contextual problems.
Hi, Please help me understand my weaknesses, in writing. Thanks in advance.  
  
## Achieving the goal through risk

  
  
In everyone's life, there comes a situation where we need to take some serious, difficult decisions, the consequences of which can be, entirely, in your favor or can be against you. Moreover, the situation of taking a risk is a time for a strict test and to achieve the success, you ought to be firm in your decision, in all odds. Obviously, there was one such situation in my life where I also took a firm decision for my career.  
  
First of all, I belonged to a small, peaceful town in India. As a result, since my birth till my post graduation, I did not face a life outside the circle of comfort in which my parents raised me. Since my father was a government employee, everything was established in advance. In addition to that, schools, shopping place, clubs etc all were, always, the same and almost everyone owning the shops was familiar with my family.  
  
Furthermore, after my post graduation, I did a degree course in the field of education and joined my first job as a lecturer in a college. Everything seemed just fine with my family including myself until I arouse some interest in the field of Information Technology. The Information Technology was on its peak during that time and teaching in an enthralling IT college spark off some instantaneous inquisitiveness. Consequently, I did some short-term certification in the field of Quality Assurance but finding an IT job in the local area was next to impossible as there was no IT firm in or around my city. For the obvious reason, I wanted to try my luck in a metro city like Delhi and my family was entirely against my opinion. Against all odds, I was determined to try my luck in Delhi.  
  
After a detailed discussion, my parents, finally, agreed with my decision and I came to Delhi. However, Getting a job in Delhi wasn't as easy, as I imagined. Besides, in a city like Delhi survival, without your own vehicle, was backbreaking. Moreover, I encountered many rejections in the beginning, which was extremely upsetting. Every time when I used to call my parent, I always received the same advice on coming back, as they did not want me to face the harshness of the Big City. Besides all this, I did not lose my hope and after struggling for about a month and a half, I finally, found a job in an IT firm, as Associate Quality Assurance. This brought a stream of happiness in my family. I was extremely happy and felt so proud that I gave a pat on my back.  
  
My staying firm on my decision taught a lesson for my life that when you are taking a risk, you need to be focused, work hard, and be dedicated to your aim, and there is no power in the world that can stop you from fulfilling your dreams.
Rajni, the essay doesn't really come across as you having taken a risk in your life. Instead, it comes across as you, being of a privileged upbringing and thinking that you needed to try, not risk, living an independent life. Notice that your essay spends more time establishing the fact that you come from a well to do and well connected family. The "risk" part was so minimal towards the end that it could be considered a mere afterthought in the discussion when it should have been the focal point of the presentation. The "risk" that you present isn't even really a "risk" because you had an option to fall back on, which was to return to your protected and privileged life with your family.  
  
When the essay asks you about a risk that you have taken in your life, you need to discuss something with more meat. Something that says "I have a lot to lose if I don't succeed in this." For example, if you had said that you cut off all communication, relation, and financial support from your family when you decided to go to Delhi, then the story would have been quite different. If your parents had disowned you because you wanted to take a path they did not approve of, then that shows a clear "risk" in your essay. The essay that you wrote only shows that you were part of the regular demands of a graduate looking for a job, with the safety net of your family and their connections hovering in the background ready to swoop in and save you if needed. This weakened the "risk" factor in the essay and as such, did not allow you to create a gripping, involving, and convincing essay.
Topic: **job vacancies in many countries are restricted in a group of productive age, should it be a positive or negative way of development.**  
  
## difficulties on employment

  
  
Many of people suffered from a financial problems owing to the fact that today's world offered difficulties on employment. This condition is even worsen to some communities of unproductive-aged after many countries not to let them finding a job.Both children and elderly over 55 are financially restricted in being jobless and living under economical-challenging circumstance. While many society around the world think that it seems the positive way of prosperity acceleration, only some of them argue to the opposite sides. However, were it not for governments dealing with any better occasion for children and pensions, I would personally agree to whom saying this is a possible opportunities to have a beneficial impact on developments.  
  
While today's world eventually faced by numerous challenging factors such as health and environment, neither younger or elder people are not allowed looking for a job due to the fact that many governments carries on a recent prohibition policy to those aged-group of people.The question do governments now ready enough for future difficult situations which would appear because of this policy.Everyone needs income to fulfill their daily needed. Children taking a job for many possibilities (extra money or educational motives). A better educational systems may leads to focus on particular subject and stimulate those younger teenage not to be employed before graduated.  
  
Another possible drawbacks why this policy is not suitable in many countries is highly likely an expenditure for personal health which is higher more and more year by year.Do governments provide any sufficient supporting-funding on public health facilities or insurance account budget.Take Third World Countries as an example, the presence of hospital remains deadlock over its growing-number. Having consider about those empty preparation did governments supposes to deal with,I personally agree that employment restriction in them is not fit in several countries.  
  
In conclusion, a step forward that some people believed might not be happen as long as governments do not provide both children and elder people over 55+ a better occasion regarding to their education and healthy issue.
Dian, your essay is highly confusing. Your statement cause severe stress for the reader as there is no sense in most of the sentences that you developed. Your English sentence structure is faulty to the point that you actually write sentences that do not have a purpose for being in the essay. One example of this problem sentence is  
  
Children taking a job for many possibilities (extra money or educational motives).  
There is no sense in this sentence. You have statement but no subject for the sentence. You only have a representation of an incomplete idea. Remember, all your sentences need to help your paragraphs become complete. This is not the case in any of the paragraphs that you created.  
  
Even your opening statement, which should have just introduced a simple paraphrase of the topic along with the discussion instruction goes overboard and informs the reader of data that is not in the original prompt. Unless, you did not post the complete, original prompt as you are required to do at this forum every time you post an essay for review. Truth be told, this essay has so many problem that I do not know where to begin, from the improper paraphrase, the wrong instructions you provided at the end of the thesis statement, the wrong discussion in the body paragraphs, the impossible to understand sentences... I don't know where to begin.  
  
The only thing I can do to help you at this point is to give you the final score of this essay so that you will know exactly where your problems lie and you will be able to begin working on those problems. Your overall score for this essay is 3. That score, is consistent for all the 4 criteria involved in the scoring process. You need to work harder on developing understandable simple English sentences otherwise, you will not pass this test. I hope you still have time to improve before the test. I am not confident that you will be ready to take this test within 3 months based upon the problematic essays that you have been presenting for review here.
*University students must pay all tuition fees, because it benefits mostly them individually, rather than society as a whole.  
Do you agree or disagree?*  
  
## financial burden for college students

  
  
It has been argued that it is mandatory for undergraduates to cover all their tuition fees as they benefit mainly from it, not the community. This essay disagrees with this opinion because not all students can afford to pay the costs and university can be of benefit to society as well as the students.  
  
To begin with, university's tuition fees in general are costly in most of the countries all over the world, particularly in countries which have high-quality education such as the UK, the USA and Australia. It is estimated that the tuition fee per year in European countries is 12,000 dollars, which is a big deal of money for many students, especially those from less developed areas and nations. If they are not supported with scholarships or financial aids, they will not stand a chance to enter those universities regardless of their high potential, which is a waste of intellectual resources.  
  
Secondly, it is undeniable that university can be advantageous to society. High-performing students after graduating from universities and colleges can serve the community in different fields, namely lawyers, doctors, teachers. For instance, many smart students from Asian countries nowadays have a chance to study in prestigious universities and colleges in the UK and later become qualified workers to contribute to the wellfare of citizens in their own countries.  
  
In conclusion, it should not be obligatory for students to be responsible for all the tertiary tuition fees since if this is the case, many cannot afford to go to universities despite their high academic performance and society altogether can benefit greatly from third-level education.  
  
*This is my essay for an IELTS task 2 question. I really appreciate your time to give me feedback on this. Thank you!*
Hai, your paraphrase is inaccurate and does not properly reflect the sentiment of the original prompt. there is no argument presented, only a discussion. Exaggerating this portion on your part was meant to call attention to your English vocabulary. Unfortunately, that created a misrepresentation of the prompt in the process. You must always stick with the academic tone of writing in these essays and never exaggerate the discussion topic presented as that would indicate a lack of English understanding on your part. The more accurate tone of paraphrase for this prompt would have been:  
  
*A discussion has been presented regarding who has the responsibility for the payment of university educational fees. An idea has been brought forth that the student must pay for all of the college related fees because the rewards of a completed undergraduate education benefits the individual more than his community. In this essay I will be discussing the reasons why I do not agree with this point of view.*  
  
Note the level tone of presentation in my opening paraphrase. It merely restates the prompt in a manner that highlights my knowledge of the English vocabulary, without changing the tone of the original prompt. It is not sensationalist, nor exaggerated. It is merely informing the reader of the previous information that I was provided for the discussion, in an academic tone. That is what you should strive to achieve in all of your prompt paraphrases.  
  
Your line of reasoning / discussion is severely flawed in this instance. You are automatically assuming that all college students are not financially capable of paying for their fees. Hence the need for scholarships. You failed to consider the other side of the discussion that relates to those students whose parents can afford to shoulder their educational needs. Should they also be given scholarships? What if their grades do not qualify them as exemplary students? Should they still be given a free education?  
  
When you write your supporting statements, always make sure to think of the other side of the argument and defend against it. That is why you were given 3 body paragraphs to defend your stance in. In this instance, you should have thought of these aforementioned counter arguments before you wrote what became a severely weak defense of your stance on the issue.  
  
Do not write run-on sentences for your conclusion. Always try to present the essay in a complete paragraph form otherwise you will lose points in terms of GRA and C&C considerations. In this instance, your otherwise strong conclusion was marred by the improper sentence formatting. This will result in a reduced overall score for your essay.
*IN TODAY JOB MARKET, IT IS FAR MORE IMPORTANT TO HAVE PRACTICAL SKILLS THAN THEORETICAL KNOWLEDGE. IN THE FUTURE, JOB APPLICANTS MAY NOT NEED ANY FORMAL QUALIFICATIONS. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE.*  
  
*Please review the developed essay from the above topic. Happy to take feedback and thanks in advance.*  
  
## practical skills instead of abstract knowledge

  
  
With the growing competition in today's job market, employers are looking for people who are having more practical skills than just abstract knowledge. Going forward, the employers may not consider any of formal educational qualifications but could look for real-time experience in their fields of study. I support the latter statement to some extent and give reasons for this.  
  
Firstly, many educational institutes across the world, are teaching and presenting what is there in the textbooks which are written by great authors. I agree with the fact that the book content was prepared not so smoothly, but by putting a lot of effort on studying and researching their ideas. Thomas Alva Edison, for example, invented the light bulb, by doing a lot of research on different elements to use as a filament. If we study his research work, we will come to know why Tungston can only be used as the main component, but we will never know why the other materials cannot be used. It means that gaining knowledge on one side alone does not help, but knowing the other part, will minimize the time, effort and money, and this is what expected from future job seekers by employers.  
  
Alongside, having only practical skilled workers at workplace will lead to more of an unprofessional environment. It means that people who are working in industries without any education may not know how to interact with other co-workers professionally. This professional behavior is equally important along with practical skills to keep a healthy and productive environment, and this has to ensure by the employers.  
  
In conclusion, organizations would look for people who have not only gained practical skills but also pursued a university or diploma degree. These two qualifications are equally important for companies to maintain a healthy, professional and productive environment.
@purushotham you did a very good job in representing your opening statement and paragraph discussion presentation. I can tell that you have been reading the advice that has been offered to other students here and that paid off in the TA section of your presentation. The problem, is that your body paragraphs did not accurately defend your point of view. Remember, when you create your argumentative side in the opening statement, you need to be prepared to defend it against the opposing side as well. This essay failed to do that which means that your "extent" discussion turned into a discussion that did not really balance the discussion. Your paragraphs also represents too many run-on sentences in the presentation which affected the cohesiveness and coherence of your presentation. Try to limit your presentations to only one reason at a time so that you can gain a higher score in that section. Also, make sure that you use examples that are more identifiable to the examiner.  
  
Rather than Edison, you could have used Steve Jobs or Mark Zuckerberg as justifications for your opinion that formal education is not as important as technical education, but that technical education will still have a purpose in the future. These two men finished some college, gaining partial theoretical knowledge that they used to advance their practical skills in the real world. This would have brought forth a more understandable reason for the need for theoretical knowledge, no matter how little, in the future.  
  
Your second reason does not relate to the requirements of the prompt discussion. In order to support the idea that purely technical skills may be required in the future, I would have explained something about the guy who only learned how to fix cars in shop class while in high school, then went on to open his own garage shop instead of going to college, which is the business that is keeping him financially stable today. Or, I would have revised it a little to explain that people who have technical skills tend to be hired faster by employers because they expect lower salaries when they are starting out in their jobs when compared to those with certificates and diplomas.  
  
Now, the reasoning I stated above may not work for you. These are just samples of how I would have approached the discussion in order to keep the response more in line with the prompt requirements. Anyway, good work on the TA. You will need to work more on presenting more appropriate body paragraphs though. Getting the TA component is just half the job. After that, you need to make sure that your discussion further strengthens and supports the TA. If the TA is good but the body is not so good, as in this case, then the essay will still get a problematic score in the end.