dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**These days, people work in more than one job, and often change career several times during their life. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?**  
  
Nowadays, people tend to work in many different professions in the course of their lives. There are many benefits of this trend, also there are a number of drawbacks.  
  
On the one hand, changing the career path can be seen as beneficial in various ways. Firstly, working in different jobs often broadens the one's horizon. In other words, the person who chooses to change his or her job would have a chance to acquire new knowledge and meet new colleagues; as a result they will improve their expertise and expand their social circle, all of which are valuable life skills. Secondly, the new career might have a financial advantage over the prior one. People often chance their jobs to find better opportunities; therefore, they change to more financially satisfying jobs. Finally, by experiencing more jobs, the individual might eventually find out where his or her passion is, and which job are much suitable for them. Thus, they will be more creative and successful in their targeted jobs.  
  
On the other hand, not having a steady career could have several negative effects. There will be a suffering period in the beginning of every job transition is made. Because each time the worker will probably need to start from scratch again. In addition, blue-collar workers will probably not get justified promotions or hold important positions if they change their career contentiously. To be a CEO of an organization, for example, the employee needs to spend long time in the same company.  
  
In conclusion, doing more than one job during the life could have both pros and cons in the same measures.
Hi Mohammed, below are my thoughts on your essay.  
  
2nd paragraph  
  
- On the one hand, - at this point, this particular phrase is not necessary as the ideas you have written is not compared with anything yet.  
  
- changing ~~the~~a career path can be  
- First~~ly~~ , working in different jobs often broadens ~~the~~ one's horizon.  
- they ~~will~~ improve and develop their expertise and expand their social circle,  
- Secondly, the new career ~~might~~will have a financial advantage over the prior one.  
- People often ~~chance~~change their jobs to  
- to a more financially satisfying jobs.  
- ~~might~~will eventually find out where  
- his or her passion is~~,~~ and which job ~~are~~is much suitable for them.  
  
There you have it Mohammed, this is just an initial observation and modification for your essay and I should be able to provide you further enhancement in the next post.
Hi, here are my suggestions  
  
*- first, for your introductory paragraph, you have to make some paraphrases of the prompt and give your general statement that you want to discuss in your next paragraph  
  
- in your body paragraphs, you have to create a main idea, explanation, example and result  
- last, in conclusion, you may add your suggestion. at least try to create 2-3 sentences per paragraph*  
  
~~On the one hand~~**To begin with**, changing the career ...  
  
as a result**, (need comma)** they will improve ...  
  
People often ~~chance~~**change** their jobs to ...  
  
you have a good flow and less grammar mistakes  
keep writing
**Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?**  
  
Nowadays, the majorty of children are facing a huge pressure rather than in the past due to academic, social and commercial perspective. I would argue that the willingness to be the best, and comparing children with another will lead children to become more stress. Thus, giving them education in regards to the winner is not always be the best, also teach them for being grateful are the best solution to tackle this problem.  
  
It is popularly believe that children should be trained to increase their sense of competition in order to help them prepraing their future career as tough adults. As stated by an expert psychologist, Mark Gilbert, explains that 46% people who had been teached to compete in early stage are always occupying supervisor positions. However, they were getting more pressure than their peers when they were still a children. Therefore, children have to acquire about to become a winner, they do not have to impose themselves.  
  
Another cause is adults usually compare their children to others. They think that it can help their children to motivate themselves to expand their abilities. In contrast with the notion that this way can lead children to get stress because they have their own unique natural abilities that are different with others. To overcome this issue is adults and children should be teached about keep feeling grateful of what they have, and help their children to improve their skills.  
  
To sum up, as far as I concerned that teaching children about competition, and always comparing them with their peers can cause children to become more stress. I generally believe that giving them knowledge about the winners and the losers, also being grateful are the best way to help children reduce the pressure. (290)
Septia,  
  
-...children ~~are facing~~face a ~~huge~~heavier pressure rather than..  
- I would argue that ~~the willingness~~forcing them to be the best in class and comparing ~~children~~them with ~~another~~other students will lead children to become ~~more~~stressful.  
  
- Thus, parents/teachers should teach them for not always thinking about being the best, instead as a solution, they are suggested to teach them to always be grateful.~~giving them education in regards to the winner is not ...~~  
  
- To sum up, as far as I concerned, ~~that~~ teaching children ~~about competition~~to compete , and always comparing (...) children to become ~~more stress~~stressful.  
- I ~~generally~~strongly believe that ~~giving them knowledge about the winners...~~by telling them that sometimes you win, sometimes you learn, and~~also~~to be grateful are the best wayS to help children ~~reduce~~reducing the pressure.  
  
As you can see, some modifications and remarks have been given. You can mind the above-mentioned feedback to help you achieving a better essay in the next practice. Good luck for that :)
Dear Septia.  
  
I have read your essay fully, and yes, you have addressed the question effectively. However, some grammatical errors come up and reduce the perfection of your essay. It seems to me that you are having a problem with past and past participle form of 'teach'. So, here we go, 'teached' is not the second form of 'teach', but taught. Teach-taught-taught.  
  
... 46% people who had been~~teached~~TAUGHT to compete in  
adults and children should be ~~teached~~TAUGHT about keep  
Then, the phrase to say 'as far as i concerned" is also wrong, but 'as far as I AM concerned' is the true.  
  
good luck.
Coconut crab from the Asia-Pacific region has more powerful claw rather than his species, Crustacean, which can lift up to 28 kilograms and open shell of coconut. Researchers from Okinawa Churashima Japan conduct research about the coconut crab, especially their claw strength to crush something. Based on experiment, Shin-Ichiro Oka found that animal has a crush force up to 3000 newtons and ten-fold grip strength of human hand. Furthermore, the usage of the claws is to crack hard shell such as coconut, nuts, and break the bone of another animal. Not only for those purpose, but also the claws function is to protect them from attackers.
Dioba, you're not a new member of this forum. I believe you already know that you need to mention the article/video's link of this summary. It would be helpful for us in cross-checking whether your summary is an original piece of work or just copy-paste from other sources. Also, unclear thread would also lead to a suspension right? Don't you remember it? Thus, I suggest you to avoid making the same mistake. It is better to be warned by members rather than moderators. Moderators will directly suspend your account if you violate those simple rules.  
  
However, I would still want to help you by giving some remarks and modifications for the betterment of your essay.  
- Coconut crab from ~~the~~ Asia-Pacific region has more powerful clawS rather than ~~his~~its species, Crustacean, which can lift up to 28 kilograms and ~~open~~crack a ~~shell of~~coconut's shell.  
  
- ... Churashima Japan conduct a research (...), especially ~~their~~its claw's strength to crush...  
- ...found that **animal**(what animal?) has a crush force up to...  
- Furthermore, ~~the usage of the~~ claws ~~is~~are used to crack hard (...), nuts, and ~~break the bone of another animal~~animal's bone . (FYI, bone is not a "hard shell")  
  
- Not only for those purposeS , but also the claws' function is to protect **them**(ambiguous, is it coconut crab or claws?) from attackers.
**Adult youths are often called up for working for the development of communities. Do you think they should work voluntarily or should they get paid? Give your opinion**  
  
Development communities usually utilize adult young to work with them. Youth can work voluntarily or they can get salary from that activity. In my perspective, communities for development must pay them because youth spend their energy and time to work. Although only less money which is given as its salary, but it is a form of appreciation toward service from young people to this organizations.  
  
Most of youth purpose in development organizations is not to earn much money but they must get paid for their energy which they put to manage this community. Actually, young people are able to use their energy to do other activities and perhaps they can earn much more money from other jobs. However, because of people soul are called to help each other in development communities, they are willing to use their energy for working there even though they only get less salary. Taking data from United Nation in 2015, 67% people who work in development organizations receive if they are paid with small salary. Therefore, these communities must appreciate adult youths energy with give them money.  
  
Another reason, young people spend their precious time to think and arrange these communities. Based on the data from International Human Rights Organizations in 2016, most of young employees who work in organizations of development give 58% of their life time to focus on their job. This activity reduces their time for studying or having fun with their peers. Thus, why they must be paid is because they diminish their feeling to hang out or play. Whereas they are paid with less value of money, but this can support them to work maximal in this community.  
  
To sum up, youth people who are employed in development communities should be paid. It is because they spend their energy and time to work there and this money is used to appreciate them.
Meireza, using fake facts in actual test is not suggested. If you keep practicing by using them, the pressure of the exam would make you write fake "false/irrelevant" facts like what you have written in this essay. Why should United Nation conduct a survey related to people who work in certain organisation? Mentioning United Nation is too general, perhaps you can specifically mention certain branch of UN that concerns in people's salary. As you can see, Wikipedia mentioned that The United Nations (UN) is an intergovernmental organization to promote international co-operation. Thus, my suggestion is that "relevant" facts do not have to be taken from a survey, instead, a real example from the news would be more helpful. Otherwise, you can just give some examples that are generally known by most people. This feedback is addressed to both body paragraphs that you've written.  
  
Additionally, try to learn more about collocation. Some of your sentences are still ambiguous. When people read this "...people soul are called...", they will think that "their souls are called?" "are you kidding me?" "Did they die?". It is quite silly isn't it? Perhaps you can rephrase the sentence by concerning the appropriate collocation like this:  
  
*However, those young people have a great tendency to help each other, it is their desire to use their energy to work there even the salary is quite low.*  
  
Hope this helps :)
**The bar chart below shows shares of expenditures for five major categories in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan in the year 2009.**  
  
A breakdown of the information about people shares of money spent for five different necessities in four different countries is represented in the bar chart. It is measured in the percentage in 2009. Overall, people opted to spend more money for housing while health care and clothing were the least categories.  
  
To start with, apart from Japan, housing was the most important needs for all countries. It was proved that United States occupied the first rank at above a quarter while the other stayed at above one-fifth. Moreover, Japan had the largest ratio in food at roughly 23%. Although the figure of food in Canada and United States were at below 15%, they had higher proportion in transportation at approximately 18% and one-fifth in a row.  
  
Concerning to the rest parts, the percentage of health care; and clothing were only below one in ten for all countries. United States had larger proportion in health care at roughly 7% that three times as many as United Kingdom as the tiniest figure at around 2%. However, United Kingdom and Canada led in clothing proportion at close to 6% than United States and Japan at approximately 4%. (194)  
  
*
Hello, miss @septiadara29 :) I just found little bit faults in your this written :) Overall I think your summary was included the fairly content and understandable which extremely good and I don't have any comment for them :)  
  
... at below 15%, they had **[been]** higher proportion in ...  
  
... and clothing ~~were~~ => WAS only below one in ten ...  
... three times as many as **[THE]** United Kingdom as the tiniest ...  
  
**Keep Writing and Good Luck :)**
*I'm learning Ielts on my own. Can anyone who took the test already give me some estimated band scores I can get for this essay? I'd appreciate if you could mark it on 4 critirion in writing task 2: task achievement, coherence and cohesion,  
  
lexical resource, grammatical range and accuracy.*  
  
**Throughout history, people have dreamed about perfect society, but they have not agreed what an ideal society is. What do you think the most important elements to have perfect society in the modern world? How people can achieve an ideal society?**  
  
People have different views about what and how society can be ideal. I think there are some significant factors that lead to the perfection of society, and people need to act to build an exemplar society.  
  
A perfect society can be associated with various elements. Firstly, a standard society is where all people have access to relevant education in order to seek for a good job that suits them most. Because education gives people knowledge and skills, those with qualifications are more likely to work easily. This helps to decrease the unemployment rate and contributes to a wealthier society. Secondly, people's health should be one of the top priorities of both governments and citizens. Since science and technology are well-developed in this modern world, it is possible for people to come up with new remedies for uncured diseases. Additionally, a place where homeless people are provided with accommodation and underprivileged children have opportunities to go to school normally is worth looking for.  
  
However, feasible measures need to be taken to make a favourable society become more realistic. The government can run several campaigns to raise public awareness about the importance of education. For instance, many educational talks aimed at students studying at school by motivational speakers are held annually by the local council, which can encourage and keep youngsters motivated to pursue their chosen career path. Besides, individuals are responsible for paying enough taxes to the governments. This allows the authorities to spend money on key sectors such as education, healthcare, public transport and infrastructure. New and strict laws also need to be introduced by the bodies to control offenders who are threatened to residents' lives, ones that commit crimes should be heavily fined to deter others.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that an ideal society can be gained if both governments and individuals put much their effort together in creating a greater life.
Hi Nguyen, let me start by offering you a possible band score for your Task Accuracy. Due to lack of proper paraphrasing of the original prompt, I believe that your score for that section of the test will only be a 5. The reason being there is a lack of clear overview. As for the coherence and cohesion part, you could probably get either a 5 or 6. In my opinion, your work is a clear six because you were able to arrange your thoughts in a logical and coherent discussion manner. However, the cohesion has problems at times because you are trying to discuss too many ideas in one paragraph. Separating the discussion ideas into separate paragraphs could create a more coherent and cohesive discussion on your part. Now, for the Lexical Resource, I think you will get another 5 because your language is simple enough to get your explanations across but not complex enough to show a higher English grammar ability. Finally, with regards to the Grammar Range and accuracy, you could score either a 5 or 6 again. You do make some grammatical errors in both structure and punctuation but luckily, the errors are not so major that it detracts from the ideas you are presenting. Your sentences and paragraphs are still understandable in its simplest form. Keep in mind that my scores are just estimates of what you could possible get in an actual test. The actual reviewer may have a different point of view from mine and thus, the scores you get will be different and more official in terms of rating your work in the actual test.
Hi, here are my thoughts towards your essay  
  
*- first, for your introductory paragraph, you have to make some paraphrases of the prompt and give your general statement that you want to discuss in your next paragraph  
  
- in your body paragraph, you have to create a main idea, explanation, example and result  
- last, in conclusion, you may add your suggestion. at least try to create 2-3 sentences per paragraph*  
  
.... and people need to act to build an ~~exemplar~~**exemplary** society.  
noun phrase. consider to change exemplar (noun) into adjective  
  
... offenders who are threatened ~~to~~**with** residents' lives, ones ...  
  
- you have a good control in grammar  
Good luck!
**If you could make one important change in a school that you attended what would it be?**  
  
There are many things which could be changed in my university like libraries, desks, some teachers, labs. However, rebuilding the libraries is most significant thing. Because, my university need places to study which should be silent, convenient and it should have various, recent books, and sufficient computers.  
  
First of all, students come universities to learn educational stuff and they should study lessons. Place is most important thing to study, it should be quiet, peaceful, comfortable. However, my university has libraries which is old and students do not want to go there because they cannot study in there. Most of students do not have area to study and they need libraries. Research from the University of Harvard shows that most successful universities have huge and suitable libraries.  
  
What is more, learners should read books and relevant magazines to develop themselves. Most of the books and magazines especially educational stuff are expensive which cannot be afford by students. Moreover, especially engineers need computers which can be used for programming and nowadays searching in internet is necessary. Because so much books, essays, magazines, articles are in internet. For instance, when professor gave us project firstly we look at the Internet. Therefore, universities should spend money for this and everyone can use as much as they need.  
  
In conclusion, there are many reasons why universities should have good libraries. It is the responsibility of university managers to provide convenient libraries.
Hi,there are several advice for you, perhaps useful for you.  
1.There are many ~~things~~aspects which could be changed in my university ~~like~~ such as libraries, desks, some teachers and labs  
2. However, rebuilding the libraries is the most significant ~~thing~~ because my university needs places to study which should be silent, convenient and ~~it should~~ have various books ...  
  
3. Place is the most important element to study, it should be quiet, peaceful and comfortable.  
4.Based on the research from the University of Harvard, shows that most successful universities have huge and suitable libraries.  
5. ~~What is more~~ Moreover, learners should (...) to develop knowledge themselves.  
6. Because so ~~much~~many books, essays, magazines, ... -->books, essays and articles are countable
There are many ~~things~~**REASONS/ CAUSES/ ASPECTS** which could be changed in my university like libraries, desks, some teachers, **AND** labs  
  
1. AVOID USE "THING" in academic or formal writing, because it is informal.  
  
2. don't forget to add 'AND' in the last sequence.  
  
First of all, students come TO universities to learn ...  
3. come + TO + universities.  
  
Place is **THE** most important ~~thing~~**REASONS/ CAUSES/ ASPECTS** to study. ~~it~~ IT should be quiet, peaceful, AND comfortable.  
4. MOST IMPORTANT ---> SUPERLATIVE. So, you must add "THE" before superlative ---> THE GREATEST, THE LOWEST, THE MOST ENORMOUS, etc  
  
5. same with number 1  
  
6. You must add LINKING WORD to connect your sentence, otherwise separate it into two sentences.
here is my advice for you  
  
There are many ~~things~~**points/aspects** which could be changed in my university ~~like~~**such as** libraries, desks, some teachers, **and** labs.  
*avoid using thing in formal essay*  
  
Because, my university need places to study which should be silent, convenient and it should have various (unclear sentence), recent books, and sufficient computers.  
*pay attention when using compound sentence*  
  
my university has libraries which ~~is~~**are** old and students do not ...  
*be careful on subject verb agreement*  
  
... are expensive which cannot be ~~afford~~**afforded** by students.  
*passive form be + v3*  
  
nowadays searching ~~in~~**on** internet is necessary.  
  
Because so ~~much~~**many** books, essays, magazines, articles are ~~in~~**on** internet.  
much + uncountable noun  
many + countable noun