dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The essay properly responded to the discussion question. It created a very strong restatement and personal opinion. The personal opinion is based strongly on the writer's discussion ideas that the examiner would have expected to read about in the discussion paragraphs. However, the writer failed to defend his opinion based on measured responses in the discussion format. The strong single opinion train was derailed by the comaparative discussion presentation that succeeded it.  
  
Now, a comparative discussion would have been a great way to discuss this essay if the presentation paragraph worked hard to use the opposing reason to strengthen the writer's opinion. For instance. He could have said:  
  
While I agree that... I have to strongly disagree with this belief to the extent that....  
  
In addition, when people say... they fail to consider... Hence I solidly disapprove of this point of view because....  
  
By using the aforementioned manner, a proper measured response discussion is presented. The important aspect of this discussion is to disprove a public opinion that the writer agrees with, but not totally for some reason. That way the essay single opinion based and supportive of the thesis opinion / statement.  
  
He seems to have also forgotten that the summary conclusion needs to be represented in at least 2 sentences. The current presentation does not meet the correct reverse paraphrase requirements for the conclusion. So it will not help his TA score in the end.
## Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or an organization.

  
*Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.*  
  
MY ESSAY:  
  
These days, more and more people have a propensity to be self-employed instead of being employees of any corporations or organizations. There are several possible reasons for this case and we cannot deny some certain drawbacks of this development.  
  
To commence with, there have been a number of reasons for people choosing to have their own business. Firstly, people nowadays are getting more and more initiative, thus they do not want to be followers but leaders. Since being self-employed can give these individuals chances to take the initiative, they opt for building up their businesses and becoming owners. Take the example of my uncle, after having been turned down several times for a position in a company that he applied to, he went for building up a company of his own and his enterprise made a great success. Second, many people especially the young would prefer to challenge themselves by becoming freelancers in many facets of work. It is undeniable young persons could possibly perform their best potential when being independent in their work.  
  
Nevertheless, this trend could bring people unexpected disadvantages. To begin with, if one does not have enough necessary to be self-employed and keeps moving on with this path, they could be more prone to failure. Some latest published research has shown that a high rate of young people's own businesses went bankrupt due to lack of experience. Additionally, in order to be self-employed, one needs to have a stable financial basement in advance, thus people need to be well-prepared for this decision, which requires a lot of time.  
  
In conclusion, the tendency to be initiative and to experience challenges in work prompt people to be self-employed. However, this development can bring people some drawbacks about unwanted failure and expose them to the financial burden.  
  
(299 words)
The writer has a bad habit of over extending his paragraphs by regularly using sentence fillers for the first part of his paragraph presentation. This is a negative practice that, although it increases the word count, does not add substance to the actual content / meaning of the writer. Due to time constraints, it is better that the writer focuses all of his energy in the proper development of his ideas, rather than beating around the bush.  
  
In the second paragraph, he not only uses useless sentence fillers, but he also created an underdeveloped 2nd reasoning in the presentation. The latter causing deductions in the C+C score of the paragraph. Had he not wasted time introducing the paragraph twice, he could have better developed and connected his second reason fo the first reason in the paragraph. This is a situation that was repeated in the third paragraph due to the same reasons.  
  
His preliminary TA score will also suffer since he did not offer a summary of discussion points / thesis statement in the first paragraph. The direct responses to the questions would have been used to score his opinion accuracy and relevance to the discussion. Basically, the writer wrote a lot of words, but failed to perform as the task scoring requirements expected him to. As such, I do not have much confidence that this type of writing will earn him a good overall, final score in an actual test.
**TOPIC:  
## Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones.

  
*Why is this the case? Do you think is a positive or negative development?***  
  
Whether chi is a controversial topic nowadays. Despite the various benefits of smartphones in the modern world, there are many drawbacks to overusing these electronic items.  
  
The primary disadvantage of spending hours on smartphones every day is that it leads to many health problems. The green light from electrical devices can cause blurred-eye, which might become myopic. Children who suffer from these problems will have difficulties with their sight and other daily activities. In addition, entertainment facilities on phones including games or social media may considerably attract young users, who are easily affected. Consequently, a boy addicted to these pleasures will spend hours on the screen. His excessive screen time can lead to obesity as this child only want to use his phone without caring about exercising. Additionally, a long time of laziness might make this child prefers chatting to going out with his friends, which will be conducive to poor communication ability.  
  
This problem is also the main culprit of distraction in studying. Games or social media may affect the children's concentration on the lecture. To clarify, some students may use their smartphones instead of paying attention to the teacher. Furthermore, at home, they can use their phones for their purposes instead of reviewing the lesson without being noticed by their parents. Subsequently, they can only vividly understand the lectures, and their study performance might be negatively affected.  
  
In conclusion, although parents want to provide all the best for their children, they should consider giving them smartphones at an early age because of some drawbacks above. It is recommended that parents should be sure that their children can use their phones effectively before deciding that.  
  
P/s: Could you give me an advice, please? My aim is about 7.0 in writing.
This is a failing essay that will not receive a passing score based on one specific reason. The writer did not respond to the question based upon the given question and format. He changed the main discussion question leading to a total change in discussion slant.  
  
Therefore, the writer, who has an obsession with grammar perfection in his writing and when advising others, showed that he does not understand English instructions well enough to provide the correct response. Good GRA and LR scores are not going to help when the 2 main scoring considerations, TA and C + C have been given failing marks.  
  
The specific scoring error occurred here:  
  
OP:  
  
Do you think is a positive or negative development?  
R:  
  
there are many drawbacks to overusing these electronic items.  
A P or N discussion should never be interchanged with an A v. D essay due to differing discussion targets in the reasoning paragraphs. This is an error the writer have avoided had he written a proper thesis response and, if he had bothered to compare his response keywords to the original prior to submission. This is why the review and editing of the essay draft is important. This is the section that causes the failing score in the final tally. The discussion provided though written with acceptable grammar is unacceptable for the given original discussion.  
  
One can even compare the original topic against the interpretation to see the full failing score basis  
  
OT:  
  
Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones.  
Wl:  
  
Whether chi is a controversial topic nowadays.  
There are even more errors to point out in this essay but those would make the review too long. The main point is this, good grammar and knowing some of those rules are not enough to pass the test. English comprehension and proper writing instruction implementation matters the most. Respond incorrectly and the essay will not receive enough marks to reach a base passing score.
## Cambridge 12 Writing Test 1 Task 1 - Physical activities

  
  
**The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
My essay  
The bar chart depicts the gender distribution of six different Australian age groups in 2010 for doing regular physical activity. Overall, it is clear that except the 15-to-24-year-olds, all the remaining groups played the same role, which is the women's figures were higher than the men's one. Not only that, three groups aged from 35 to 64 had the highest proportion.  
  
Looking at the graph more closely, one can be seen that the percentage of males in the youngest group was higher than the female, which was 52,8 percent and 47,7 percent respectively. The middle groups aged between 35 and 64 shared the same figures of women did regular physical activity that fluctuated in 53 percent. The men were 39,5 percent, 43,1 percent and 45,1 percent proportionately aged 35 to 44, 45 to 54 and 55 to 64. While the 25 to 34 age group had a markedly disparate proportion, the oldest ones had equal numbers. It was 42,2 and 48,9 percent for male and female figures in the younger age group and 46,7 and 47,1 for the elderly people.  
  
(185 words i guess ? (i use word to calculate)  
Please help me review my essay. I will take the exam next November and my aim for Writing is 5.5-6.  
  
*
Even though the word count was more than met with the writing, the incorrect format and missing reporting elements are what will hold back the score for this essay. The writer must make sure to meet not only the word count, but all of the required scoring elements to achieve his target score next time.  
  
Several problems can be seen in the summary overview. The first problem, is that the writer did not enumerate the age groups as a part of the notable information and yet, he quotes 2 of the 6 age divisions in the trending statement. That creates a disconnection in the summary presentation. His high and low statement should not refer to an in-between measurement either. That is irrelevant to the trending consideration. A better summary score can also be achieved if he uses specifics to identify the image type. For example, there are 2 types of bar charts: vertical and horizontal. By identifying the position of the bar graph, a more accurate mental reference can be created in the mind of the reader.  
  
The reporting paragraph is too compressed. This makes it difficult to follow and creates difficulty in separating the reporting information. For this type of 1 image reference, the writer should always use the 3 paragraph format:  
  
Summary overview + trending statement  
Reporting paragraph  
Analytical / comparative paragraph  
  
This is not a bad start. At least the writer shows enough of an English vocabulary to meet the word count. Now, if he can focus on the correct format and reporting requirements, he should achieve his passing score in the next practice essay.
## the process for recycling plastic bottles

  
  
The given diagram interprets the cyclical procedure of reprocessing plastic bottles.  
Overall, there are nine stages involved in the process, commencing with the collection of unusable bottles and culminating with the completion of final products.  
In greater detail, the first step of the process is to use a garbage truck whose function is to gather all trash from bins and put into its depot. Subsequently, the bottles are transported to the recycling centre where they are carefully classified before being compressed into cubic blocks which are then crushed by two electric saws. At the same time, the blocks' shred falls into the tank under the two saws in order to rinse all the unusable dirt.  
  
As far as the remaining steps are concerned, the process fares with fabricating plastic pellets which are milled into powder. Afterwards, the pellets are heated for an appropriate duration prior to being converted into raw materials which are formed into plastic items or clothes before they are recycled again.
The writer has problems with word usage that tend to confuse the reader, affecting the GRA score of the presentation. The problem can first be seen when the writer refers to "saws" being used in the procedure, which is related to grinding. A saw will cut a product but not grind it. For grinding requirements a "grinder" is used. This is an incorrect hardware and procedure identifier that will confuse the reader. The equipment and procedure results are unrelated.  
  
Vocabulary issues definitely exist in the writing since the writer does not know what proper word to use in reference to a procedure in the diagram. The plastic is not "put into its depot" but rather "brought to / taken to the depot". He should better familiarize himself with English words and its meaning / proper usage in reference to sentence development.  
  
He is also using an apostrophe after the plural form of a word. Since the word is to be presented in plural form only and not in proprietarial form in the sentence, there is no need to place an apostrophe at the end of the given term.  
  
The writer shows an understanding of the procedure given to him for reporting on. However, he fails to properly convey the content to the reader in a manner that will be easy to understand due to his lack fo proper word usage and other grammar issues.
Please give some feedback about my writing. Thank you a lot!  
  
The table describes data about the percentage of children in two elementary schools who had educational issues in two years 2005 and 2015.  
  
Generally speaking, school A's students encountered more problems with education than students of school B, but the proportion of school A's students dropped significantly in 2015 compared to 2005.  
  
In 2005, we saw a huge gap between the percentage of two school's students with educational problems. Most noticeably in following instructions issues with 36% higher belong to school A, other problem areas such as concentration in lessons, verbal expression of ideas, listening skills, spelling, handwriting, and reading ability gap around 20 to 30 percent.  
  
The figures for 10 years later witnessed a dramatic decrease in the percentage of school A's students, except for two areas reading ability and handwriting which remained roughly the same. There was a moderate drop of 5% in the spelling area, and a substantial fall of around 15% in the remaining fields. The number of students in school B who struggled with educational issues remained nearly the same in 2015, except for two problems spelling and following instructions which doubled in the period shown.  
  
*
There is an error in the trending statement presentation. It is unequal in consideration seeing as how the writer referenced highs and lows for School A, but not for School B. This lack of balance creates an underdeveloped trending statement. It would be better to remove the School B reference or, create the same reference point for School B as well. Remember that the trend always signifies 2 areas of measurement, the high and the low. In this case, a reference to both schools, for some related or connected purpose would have been best.  
  
we saw  
Never use personal pronouns in a task 1 essay. This is a general reporting task that cannot contain any form of bias reporting. Hence the need to omit pronoun usage. Additionally, the assumption is that the reader cannot see the image and therefore, should not be asked to look at or, assume that the reader can see information coming from the image.  
  
The writer has a few sentence structure problems here and there but none that will cause a significant GRA deduction. The information written is still understandable to a native English speaker. That does not mean that he should not work on further improving his sentence formation skills though. The less errors he makes, the better his GRA score will be.
## the table and charts analysis

  
  
**TOPIC: THE TABLE AND CHARTS BELOW GIVE INFORMATION ON THE POLICE BUDGET FOR 2017 AND 2018 IN ONE AREA OF BRITAIN. THE TABLE SHOWS WHERE THE MONEY CAME FROM AND THE CHARTS SHOW HOW IT WAS DISTRIBUTED.**  
  
The table illustrates sources of the Police budget for 2017 and 2018 in a Britain area, while the pie charts compare the disbursement of this budget. Overall, the total amount of money provided for the Police in 2018 was much more than it was in the previous year, and it was spent more on technology and less on salaries.  
  
To begin with, the National Government financed the Police by about 175.5m in 2017, which was less than about 178m in 2018. Similarly, the amount of tax provided for the Police budget in 2018 was 91.2m, which was much more than that in 2017 (approximately 102m). Although the money that came from other sources nearly remained stable, there were over 318m for the Police budget in 2018, in comparison with under 305m in 2017.  
  
On the other hand, the percentage of this budget spent on buildings and transport did not change in both years at 17 percent. Regarding the proportion of the Police fund, there was 8 percent in 2017 compared to 14 percent in 2018. On the contrary, there was more money disbursed for salaries for officers and staff at 75 percent in 2017 than under 70 percent in 2018.
The writer still has not shown an ability to create an informative report using less than 200 words. That will pose a problem for him in the actual test. He must learn to create less wordy reporting paragraphs so that his essay will fall within the 150-200 word count. Remember, there are only 20 minutes to write this test. Perhaps the writer should use a timer next time to help him write shorter reporting tasks.  
  
The summary overview does not offer a completely informative short form of important information for both images. Further lacking from both image summaries are the measurement formats used, which would help the reader remember why such measurement references are used in the reporting paragraphs.  
  
There is a lack of image differentiation when it comes to the reporting paragraphs. The writer should be conscious that the image types should be used as the anchor sentences for these paragraphs so that the reader knows which image type is being referred to when the measurement types used are the same.
***Many people say the gap between rich and poor people is wider, as rich people become richer and poor people grow poorer. What problems could this situation cause and what measures can be done to address those problems?***  
  
It is observed that the gap between rich and poor getting wider and wider, while the rich become wealthy, the needy living below poverty line. My essay will figure out potential problems trigger by this phenomenon before I suggest possible solutions to handle such a problematic issue.  
  
First, the rich-poor gap is the cause of the increase in social prejudice. A prime example, in some hospitals, the rich are always given priority for medical care first while the poor always have to wait. Second, the disparity between rich and poor also leads to the escalating rate of crime because needy people are deprived of daily necessities.  
  
There are several actions that could be taken to solve the problems. One of effective ways is cover basic needs for poor people because when the government can adapt daily necessities for the poor, their life will be stabilized, also crime rates will be reduced. Another measure which can be considered is create more job opportunities for impoverished people. This can improve their lives and bring long-term benefits, also boost the domestic economy.  
  
In conclusion, rich-poor gap may be the culprit of social prejudice and the escalating rate of crime. However, this is issue can be addressed by covering basic needs and creating more job opportunities for impoverished people.
It will be difficult for me to provide a proper assessment of the writer's opinion making abilities with this essay. That is because he has written only 215 words out of the expected 250 word minimum. In an actual test, he would have automatically received a failing score. Yes, he will be given scores for the other scoring considerations. However, deductions will be applied heavily to the word count requirement, resulting in an inability of the essay to receive a passing score. So the writer should be careful next time. Always write at least the minimum word count to make sure technical deductions are not applied.  
  
Please note that the prompt restatement + writer's opinion paragraph is missing the discussion basis for the succeeding paragraphs. Seeing as how this test considers the ability of the writer to create proper opinion papers, as he will be required to write during his academic stay in a foreign English speaking country, he must make sure to create convincing thesis statements using the guide questions as the foundation for a strongly written writer's opinion. Without direct responses to the guide questions, the writer's opinion requirement for this paragraph will not be met and the preliminary score for the paragraph will be based on an unclear or missing opinion presentation. Knowing what the writer was asked to write about is not going to earn points. Telling the reader what he will be writing about through the response to the problems and solutions questions will gain preliminary scores.