dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Le, you need to familiarize yourself with the types of essays used in IELTS tests and how these are discussed. In this instance, you mistakenly did a compare and contrast discussion for an essay prompt that requires a personal opinion discussion. The problem becomes instantly obvious in your paraphrasing / opening statement. That mistake altered the discussion pattern for the essay. It also proves that you have a low level of English understanding in terms of TA considerations. Based on the provided prompt, your discussion should have been as follows in the first paragraph:  
  
*There is a common belief that those who are studying a new language that there is more to learning the language. A language student must also learn about the origin country of the language inclusive of the lifestyle and culture of its society. This, in the end, should result in a better learning of the language. I disagree with this statement to a certain degree due to a number of language learning considerations.*  
  
From that point, you must discuss only the reasons that support the extent of your argument. Had the essay indicated "Discuss both points of view and give your opinion", then the essay that you wrote would have been perfect. Since it did not then only your point of view, using first person pronouns is needed in a 4 paragraph essay. Why do I suggest a 4 paragraph essay? That number of paragraphs helps to increase the TA and GRA score because of the opportunity it provides you to better discuss and develop your English thought process and sentences.  
  
By the way, your concluding statement could have been better. Always take the opportunity to use the closing statement to prove your English paraphrasing skills by repeating the prompt requirements, important discussion points, before finally repeating your opinion on the matter. That is the required content of the closing paragraph. I strongly urge you to use up to 5 sentences to do this in order to increase your points consideration in the final scoring process.
**Under British and Australian laws a jury in a criminal case has no access to information about the defendant's past criminal record. This protects the person is being accused of the crime. Some lawyers have suggested that this practice should be changed and that a jury should be given all the past facts before they reach their decision about the case. Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## Should old crimes matter?

  
  
According to British and Australian's policies, no source of details about the crimes the defendant had done in the past shoud be reached by the jury of a court in order to prevent the person accused from being judged in the wrong way. It has been suggested by some lawyers that this law should no longer be in use so that the jury can be more likely to reach a right conclusion. However, I totally diasgree with this suggestion, considering that the merits are not be able to fully eclipse the downsides.  
  
One the one hand, this idea brings out the advantages to some extent. Access to past criminal record helps to lessen the possibility of incorrect judgement in the sense that it may assist the jury in figuring out the personality of the defendant. This might seem to be unrelevant to some people; however, in many cases in Vietnam, many juries make the second decision because of the person's profile. As a result, this may help us to avoid punishing the good and releasing the bad.  
  
On the other hand, the opinion mentioned above is just theory; unfortunately, the shift in regulation tends to result in more disadvantages. At times, the past can influence the jury's emotion, hence make them easily judge things unproperly. That what people did in the past do not define them in the present is an invincible truth. Paradoxically, a clean record does not mean that a person cannot commit any crime at the moment. Following the same pattern, a complicated past does not say that a person certainly do harm to anyone at present.  
  
In conclusion, it is my belief that the initial policies should not be altered. If not, the equality in court might not maintain anymore.  
  
**I would very appreciate it if you score my essay.**
Here are several advises for you.  
The first statement is just for leading the topic and tell the reader whether you agree or disagree, but your first paragraph (92 words) is too long and the important part, such as second paragraph (85 words) and third paragraph (93 words) is relatively short. Besides, the first sentence of this paragraph is also too long and complex to understand. Actually, a long sentence is not always good, especially when it is an improper use. Many students like to state " I agree this idea because its merits outweigh its demerits" as last sentence of first paragraph, there is nothing wrong with this statement, but it is not proper to use it in all of the topics. Maybe, all of the topics, including agree or disagree, positive or negative, advantages or disadvantages could be converted advantages or disadvantages. I don't know whether paraphrasing topic like this is good.
Tran, due to the fact that you did not properly discuss this essay, the score that you can get for it is only a 4. That is because it only partially responds to the prompt requirements. For instance, you were not asked for the extent of your agreement or disagreement with the discussion topic and yet you give an extent or measurement of your disagreement by saying "I totally disagree". That is for a different type of essay discussion presentation.  
  
Additionally, this essay must be discussed only from one point of view since there is no instruction to "discuss both views" as is given in some essay instructions. Therefore, you did not adequately discuss the topic in the manner expected of the prompt instructions. The conclusion is also faulty as it is only a single line that does not accurately restate the prompt, summarize the discussion provided, and then repeated your opinion on the matter. It is because of these problems with your work that I feel that the score of 4 would be the most applicable in this instance.
**We can get knowledge from news, but some people think we can't trust the journalists?**  
  
## obtaining news from the press

  
  
Nowadays, there are numerous ways to get news and the role of journalists is becoming more and more important. However, we can realize a part of these information is not truthful thoroughly. I agree that we can not complety trust in news.  
  
First, it is clear that most of journalists try to over-report or exaggerate their reports or news to hook viewers and thus grow up profits by increasing sales. This is because the more reports they send to the newspaper house, the higher wage they can get. As a result, some of dialy news we read is not absolutely objective.  
  
In addition, all reports which are related to policy or political issues will be always under control by the government. The authorities do not encourage or even directly ban publishing any new reports that are against their views or policies. Therefore, reporters can not provide objective information for the citizens. Resultly, people who read newspaper or magazines every day will not highly believe in reports.  
  
In contrast, it is not true to say that the contents in the newspaper are not accurately. It is usually noticed in media that some journalist sacrifice their lifetime to find out the truth of controversial issues despite being in hazardous situations. Honestly, their quanlities in work are big lessons for the others.  
  
In conclusion, readers should consider while reading news and have their own judgements among an array of new reports. In particular, the reporters must keep in mind the responsibility, impartiality and objectiveness in their profession. By doing these, we can ensure that we always read the truthful news.  
  
(269 words)
Hello, maybe the complete assignment is shown below.  
  
*Essay topics: We can get knowledge from news. But some people think we should not trust the journalists. What do you think? And what do you think are the important qualities that a journalist should have?*  
  
I have to admit the essay is quite good if i ignore the topic. the focus of topic is whether "journalists" deserved our trust. But, what you are always emphasized is not clear. Second paragraph is "journalist" and third paragraph is "news controlled by government" and next paragraph is"contents or qualities of journalist". In my opinion, the content is rich enough, maybe it need to be reorganized.
Cong, the next time you post an essay for review here, you need to post the original instructions and inform me as to what type of test your are taking (TOEFL, IELTS) That is because I cannot properly assess the work that you have done without it. In this instance, even though Shirely posted a prompt, I am not sure if she posted the right one as modifications can be made to the prompt depending upon the tutor. So make sure that you post the prompt completely next time.  
  
You have shown a lack of concentration and ability to spot errors in your lexical presentations. Either you are not paying attention to what you are writing, you lack proper English spelling knowledge, or you just don't understand small errors like spelling "daily" as "dialy' will cost you valuable deductions to your LR and GRA scores. You also make up words like "Resultly", which will show a lack of lexical understanding and lack of familiarity with the English language. If you do not proofread your work prior to submission, then you are willing to lose points in the scoring of the actual test. In which case, with enough points deductions for your improper grammar and spelling, you will most likely not pass the test.  
  
While your discussion sounds logical, I am unsure as to whether you are accurately discussing the prompt. More importantly, the fact that you continued to discuss facts well into your concluding paragraph tells me that you have not been properly guided in the requirements of academic essay writing such as this one. New facts should never be introduced or a discussion continuation cannot be presented in the concluding statement. Any personal notes or opinions on the matter need to be presented in a separate paragraph. That is a hard and fast academic writing rule. You failed to do that in this essay.  
  
Overall, while the information might be relevant to the actual prompt, the aforementioned problems with your work have led me to believe that you are far from being prepared to take this test. You have a long way to go before your writing skills become even "passable" as this point.
***Chorleywood is a village near London whose population has increased steadily since the middle of the nineteenth century. The map below shows the development of the village.  
  
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant***  
  
## Report on the Chorleywood village

  
  
A map illustrates how the village of Chorleywood developed between 1868 and 1994. The process is divided into four phases: 1868-1883, 1883-1922, 1922-1970 and 1970-1994. The change during each phase will be summed up in this essay and comparison made whenever necessary.  
  
Overall, Chorleywood grew as the transport infrastructure improved. Beginning as a small settlement, the village came to comprise several populated areas close to the transport network. At the center of the map laid Chorleywood Park and a golf course, which went untouched over the more than one century.  
  
Chorleywood originally occupied a humble-sized land, in proximity to the south-north main road to the west and the park and golf course to the east. During the second phase, it expanded south into a modest-sized settlement, along the road but never across it. In 1909, there emerged a railway and a station in Chorleywood. It cut through the village from west to east and indicated the direction of its development in the next phrase.  
  
The settlement south of the railway further extended both west and east until 1970, when a motorway was built beyond the eastern tip of the village. Populated areas then began to appear around where the south-north way crossed the railway and one of the main roads. In this phase Chorleywood expanded much faster than ever, but the park and the golf course remained well-preserved.  
  
**I would more appreciate it if you score my essay.**  
  
*
Gang, try to vary the way that you end the opening statement. Don't always use the same closing line. Try to develop new ways of saying it so that you can also develop your lexical resources and grammar range. I noticed that you decided to use that line almost like a template. That will not serve you well in practice because you limit your grammar development. The overall presentation of the essay is sufficient enough for a score of 6.5 - 7, depending upon the other details that the examiner might have to take note of during his scoring process. Overall though, you did an excellent job in all aspects. The essay was easy to follow, showed a detailed analysis of the map, and increased the knowledge of the reader just by reading your highly detailed report. There is something that I would like you to try in your next test though. Try to see if you can develop more complex sentences using 5 sentences per paragraph. We already know that you can write well in short bursts. Try to lengthen the paragraphs in an effort to boost your final score in the GRA section.
The map illustrates ...  
~~The changes during each phase will be summed up in this essay and comparison made whenever necessary.~~  
  
... transport infrastructure improved area.  
~~At the center of the map laid Chorleywood Park and a golf course, which went untouched over the~~ more than one century. (you should write about this in the body)  
  
In 1909, there emerged a railway and a station in Chorleywood (can easily be misunderstood). ~~It~~ The former cut through the (...) to east ~~and indicated the direction of its development in the next phrase.~~  
  
You fullfil the lexical vocabulary well and have good grammar structures. Sometimes, you make mistakes in the essay, but they don't influence your score much. the best point of this is that your description is easy to understand and cover the map efficiently. Just need to be careful with minor details! (^\_−)☆
Hi  
  
I need to improve my writing skills.That's why I write every while and post it here.can you tell me my grammar and structure mistakes? This would be the introduction for my essay.  
  
## **Should state college tuition be free?**

  
  
Nowadays, every job has become more and more complicated. It desires unique skills and knowledge to handle it. In this regards, if you are a person who always wants a better salary and higher position, you need to take some courses in college, and you need to graduate from accredited school. But School is not free, and you have to pay the tuition, which is not cheap. Some people think schools should be free and tuition should be paid by the state from taxes, while others believe it should not be free and people should pay for what they 've been taught. During this essay, I will explain reasons people of both sides have brought, and then I describe my opinion as well.
@Ashkan123 Are you writing just the introduction to a task 2 IELTS test? Or are you writing just for the sake of practicing. Your paragraph contains a line of run-on sentences. So you need to learn how to write shorter sentences within the 5 sentence limit. There is also the problem of you offering information in the opening statement without thoroughly developing the thought process and explanation. Make the opening statement just a restatement of the problem and the discussion points required along with the discussion method. Information presented in the opening statement cannot be well explained so you just have to present general terms in the introduction with the body of paragraphs containing the actual information you wish to discuss. In this case, your mistake was thoroughly presenting a little developed analytical discussion of the actual facts for discussion in the body. Don't make that mistake again regardless of whether it is for an English practice test or an actual research paper. In the meantime, here is my take on your opening statement. Please take note of my instructions for your succeeding opening statement discussion practices.  
  
*These days, employers have become more demanding of their employees. Each job now has complex requirements that require more than a rudimentary knowledge of a business or technical function. Each employee must have a specific skill set and advanced knowledge in certain areas of their profession. As such requirements now exist, an employee needs to be a college graduate with a major in his professional area. The problem, is that college is not free. Tuition fees are prohibitive in costs. Since people pay taxes to the government, some tax payers believe that their tax money should subsidize their or their children's college tuition to the point where enrolling in college becomes free for the student. Other taxpayers though, believe that subsidized or free education is not proper due to some financial considerations. In this research essay, information pertaining to both sides of the discussion will be presented for the consideration of the reader along with my personal insight on the matter.*
Is this better ,How can I make it better?  
  
Over 6o% of Americans believe college should be free. Nowadays, each job has become more complex, demanding a unique set of skills. The best way and easiest way to learn new skills is attending to school. However, In united states, schools are not free, and usually tuition is high. Some people believes schools should be free, and tuition should be paid by states from taxes, while others hold the idea education should not be free and people who learn something should pay for it. In this research essay, the argument of both sides of discussion along with my point of view were presented.
@Ashkan123  
I have checked your latter essay and here are some advice for you.  
  
Based on the last sentence you wrote, I assume that this paragraph is the introduction for an essay. However, the first sentence "*Over 6o% of Americans believe ....*" is kind of strange to put in, since you just directly answer your essay question without any leading beforehand. I suggest that you can make the sentence "*Nowadays, each job has become more complex,....*" to be the first one. The opening should start with a general thought.  
  
1. The best ~~way~~ and easiest way  
2. Some people ~~believes~~ believe schools ...  
  
The subject in the last sentence is way too long which would mislead reader's view. I suggest you shorten the subject " *the argument of both sides of discussion along with my point of view*".
*Merged:*  ## Pros and Cons of Tuition-Free College (2nd Paragraph)

  
  
Many people believe If college becomes tuition free, it provides more chances for the new generation to learn new skills and it helps them to find a better job opportunity. It also benefits the society by increasing the average literacy. People with higher education usually have better interaction with their surrounding environment. They know how to discuss with others, and how should they get what they need. Supporters of this idea also think that even if some of the people, who goes to school, couldn't find a chance to use all skills they have learned in school, it still helps them to improve their life style. For instance, if you study math and physics, it might not help you in your real life directly, but it helps you when you want to make tough decisions since you trained your brain how to solve problems.
Ashkan, you have the worst practicing method for an English test. Do you know that as an academic consultant, I am unable to follow the flow of conversation in your essay because you are not posting it in full for me to review? You are wasting my time because each time I review your essay, and this time, you did not even bother to provide the prompt again and include the first paragraph that you wrote, I have to recall what I advised you the first time? This essay sounds like a new opening statement to me.  
  
It does not feel like it is part of a real essay. It feels like another draft of another opening statement. It does not gel well with what you previously wrote. Always write your essays completely so that you can be given an accurate review of your overall work. You are not helping yourself when you have me check your work by paragraph.  
  
You also tend to get confused. Which is why your current paragraph became a misdirected opening statement instead of a body paragraph of the original prompt. I would like you to completely write this essay first, then come back here and then ask for a complete review. It is impossible to give an accurate review of your work in this manner. It simply is not done. This method of writing is not helping you nor developing any of the skills you need to master before your test.  
  
Don't be afraid to post the whole essay. Good or bad, that is the work that you developed and I can help you become a better writer from that point. Not from this point you have given me to work with. My apologies for being so blunt. This is the only way I can help you realize how much time and potential you are wasting by working on your practice tests this way.
***The graph below compares changes in the birth rates of China and the US between 1920 and 2000.  
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.***  
  
## birth rates - China and United States Compared

  
  
The line graph tracks changes of the birth rates of China and the US, the period covered from 1920 to 2000. To offer an insight into the trends, it is dissected into four phases by fluctuation in fertility - 1920-1930, 1930-1940, 1940-1950 and 1950-2000. This essay will move on to elaborate the underlying features in each stage and capture the differences between two countries.  
  
Overall, China and America demonstrated striking similarity in the figures, their birth rates rising or falling simultaneously almost all the time. In both countries there were mild fluctuations in phase one, dramatic growth to their all-time high in phase three and constant declines in phase four, though China's birth rate changed with more volatility than America's in the 1930s. Another distinction is that China's highest birth rate was more than 15% higher as compared with its lowest, while the difference in the US stood just at approximate 10%.  
  
The first phase featured an all but identical pattern of change in the birth rates of both countries. Having had a marginal growth to somewhere between 11 to 13 percent, they both slid back to the same levels as 1920, barely above 10%. Noteworthily, America's birth rate stayed about 1% higher than China's in the 1920s.  
  
While such a trend continued in America for the decade to come, in China it gave way to a rapid increase to 15% in 1935 and eventually a drastic slump to 5% in 1940. Into the phase three, the birth rate of China bottomed out but that of America fell precipitously, to slightly short of 5% in 1945, its lowest point over the eight decades. Since then, their fertility began to soar and peaked at 20% and 15% respectively in 1950.  
  
Passing over the climax, America and China went through a relentless decline in fertility over the next five decades to the vicinity of 7% and 3% each in 2000, despite occasional rallies in the rates. It was during this phase that China saw its lowest birth rate, well under five percent. The country was consistently exceeded by America in the rate by around 5% from 1955 onwards.  
  
**This time I tried to write five paragraphs and develop more complex sentences using 5 sentences per paragraph as suggested. I will continue to practice my writing this way. Though I also need advice on how to condense my essay, since writting such a detailed one is time-consuming and therefore not quite practical in an actual test. I would also appreciate it if you bother to improve my use of words, sentences or grammatical structures.**  
  
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