dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The diagrams give the information about several steps of hydrology's cycle which produces a rain. Overall, there are three stages which happen it naturally, then it begins from evaporation to the rainfall.  
  
Initially, there is evaporation from sea, land, and river because of the heat from the sun. After that, the vapor concentrates on the air and transform into clouds. Then, the clouds moving to the highland since the wind push it. When the clouds reach a saturation point, the water will be fallen called rain or precipitation.  
  
After precipitation, the water has several ways to reach the sea. First, it absorbs into porous rock and run slowly in the ground water and finally comes out in the sea, while cannot through the non-porous rock. Second, the water which is fall in the waterways will be following the river as main track until the sea. Eventually, it evaporates again to produce a cloud.  
  
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Hi Riandi, below are my thoughts on your analysis essay.  
  
- The diagrams give the information ~~about~~on several steps  
- of ~~hydrology's~~hydrogen cycle which  
- produces ~~a~~ rain.  
- Overall, there are three stages ~~which~~that happens~~it~~ naturally,  
- ~~then it~~this begins from evaporation to ~~the~~ rainfall.  
  
- Initially, ~~there is evaporation~~water evaporates from the sea, ~~land~~lakes , and river - ~~because~~with the help of the heat from the sun.  
- ~~After that, the~~The vapor concentrates ~~on~~in the air and transforms into clouds. - Then, the clouds ~~moving~~move to the highland  
- ~~since~~and the wind push it.  
- the water ~~will be fallen~~falls and we call~~ed~~it rain or precipitation in a more scientific terminology .  
  
There you have it Riandi, I hope the above remarks help you with the revision of your analysis essay. I suppose for your future writing projects, when it comes to analysis writing, make sure that you focus on the accuracy of the information, for this analysis, you said "evaporates from the sea, LAND and river", when it's suppose to be, "evaporate from the see, LAKES and river", such information is crucial so you have to be careful.
***Some people think it is a waste of money to establish libraries since the public can use the Internet at home to obtain information, do you agree or disagree?***  
  
## people choose libraries to find information

  
  
There is an opinion that starting to build a library is a throwing of money since the citizen can use the internet to find information anything they want. I really disagree with the opinion because not all data from the internet are valid. However, statistical result shows that many people still place the library as the first place to find reference.  
  
Anyone can connect to the internet, and we can search anything that we want from the internet. However, the information from the internet sometimes is not valid because anyone can provide information without being proved. Research conducted by Ms. Urara Shiraishi from Tokyo University gives the result that almost 72 percent web sites except journal website provides the wrong information about the earth (used to be a controlled variable). This is the evidence that we cannot use the internet as our "first reference."  
  
Although to build library costs a lot of money, in fact, since 2000, the number of visitor searching a book a valid journal has increased so far according to the research conducted by Mr. James Goods from Leeds University. He mentioned that there is no point to tell that making libraries is just spending the budget. He also stated that in the future, all academic source should be cited from library. So this is non-sense to tell that establishing libraries are wasting a money.  
  
All in all, I believe that we cannot find a perfect reference from internet. Because of its prospect, making libraries can be acceptable because people, now, tend to choose library to find any information as their reference.  
  
(265 Words)
Ivan, you should have worked a little bit more on the presentation of your personal opinion on the topic. Your line of reasoning is too limited and does not really offer a more in-depth understanding of your belief behind the reason why libraries will eventually make a comeback and surpass the internet in popularity. Keep in mind that your layman's reasoning is the most important aspect of this essay discussion. That is because the prompt actually requires you to present a fully threshed out discussion of your opinion in the essay.  
  
In this case, you have academic discussions fully developed while your personal discussion has left the reader wanting to learn more about the idea that you presented. That is all you have presented right now, an idea. It doesn't really properly support your discussion and as such, can actually pull your final score down in an actual test. Always remember to fully discuss your personal opinion whenever it is required by the essay prompt.  
  
In fact, you need not present any other academic resource for your discussion in those instances. Or if you feel the need to present a supporting professional opinion, make it a quick paragraph before your own opinion. You should always highlight your own thoughts on the matter being discussed. Just focus on your personal opinion and the essay will really gain a higher score because of it.
**Hi Mister Ivan.  
I have read your essay closely. In this moment, I focus on your contents. Hopefully, you can review my notes so that in the next term you can improve your essay.**  
  
*Turning to the introduction, I have understood to paraphrase the statement. I have got the same meaning with the original statement. Besides that, you can show your position clearly in the thesis statement. However, be careful of using linking words. You are supposed to pick up the proper linking words.*  
  
However, statistical result shows that many people still place the library ...  
*This statement actually has not contrast with the previous sentence so that you should write "besides that" or other linking words which state that is the same way.*  
  
Although to build library costs ...  
*Actually, your second paragraph could answer the prompts, but you did not mention in the thesis. I think you are gonna tend to explain about the Internet. It is better if you mentioned your opinion totally in the thesis statement.*  
  
All in all, I believe that we cannot find ...  
*Keep in your mind the conclusion is the paraphrase of the thesis statement so that you should show your position once more to emphasize.*  
  
*Note: Apart from that, you should read more examples of the writing task 2 to find the sense of essay. Honestly, your flow still needs improvement because readers sometimes pause to understand your sentence.  
  
overall, it is a good essay  
Keep Writing  
GOOD LUCK*
Hello, let me give my correction for you  
  
However, the statistical result shows (...) place to find the reference (because need article "the" in this sentence)  
  
almost 72 percent websites (plural form) except journal website ~~provides~~provide(because the websites is plural noun so use verb "provide". provides is singular verb for singular noun too)  
  
should be cited from the library (need article "the" in this sentence)  
  
... can be acceptable because of people (need preposition "of")  
  
now, tend to choose the library (need article "the" in this sentence)
I think it would be really interesting to include current events into this. For example, I know that a lot of the Barnes and Nobles are closing down because they're business is not doing great due to many people using ebooks.  
  
Also, I think you should add more about what your perspective on this issue is. I feel like you talk about Urara Shiraishi and Mr. James Good more and then just wrote one sentence at the end about you. But all in all great job. I loved it!
The diagram reveals the information regarding the stages in the chocolate production. Overall, the chocolate production has ten steps man-made linier process which starts from cacao tree and ends in inner part.  
  
According to the graph, the first step is that collects ripe red pods in cacao tree which grown in United States of America, Africa and Indonesia. After that, the pods harvested and take white cocoa beans. In the third step, the beans are fermented and spread it in the sun to dry. Furthermore, putting the fermented beans in the large sacks and it is ready to transport by train or lorry.  
  
In addition, the large sacks of beans are taken to the factory and it is roasted in the artificial machine for 350 o C. Moreover, the outer shell is removed and crushes the beans in another artificial machine. Finally, the beans are pressed in inner part and the liquid of chocolate has been produced in this section.  
  
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hello edho  
I have some advice for you  
hope it helps  
  
... in United States of America, Africa,<<< using comma and Indonesia.  
  
In the third step, the beans ...  
the next step is the beans are fermented and spread on the board for drying process with the sun as the main source.  
  
In addition, the ~~large~~ sack~~s~~ of beans are taken to (...) artificial machine with high temperature at around 350-degree celsius~~for 350 o C~~ .  
... crushes the beans in another ~~artificial~~ machine.  
... are pressed in the inner part and ...  
  
thanks
**IELTS PART 1 - The life cycle of frog**  
  
The diagram presents the frog's metamorphosis which is a breakdown into six different phases. It is important to bear in mind that the phases of the frog' live is enormously different from eggs to the adult frog.  
  
To begin with, the first process initiates when the female frogs lays their eggs on the surface of the lake. Afterwards, the frogspawns grows into tadpole which is the embryo with a tiny body and a long tail. The next development stage is that front legs appear to be true in the tadpole. After taking many times, the long-tail embryo have a pulmonary breathing to help them to respire in out of the water and the two legs in the back of frogs was grown.  
  
Then the tadpole frog grows become adult frog with changing in their tails getting shorter. In addition, the adult frog become much bigger than the previous one. More broadly, in this phase, the adult frog become strong enough to live in the land.  
  
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**Hi Miss Nina.  
These are a few corrections to finalize your writing.**  
  
... frog's metamorphosis ~~which is a breakdown~~ DIVIDING into six different phases.  
... phases of the frog' live ~~is~~ ARE enormously different from ...  
  
..., the first process ~~initiates~~ IS when the female frogs ~~lays~~ LAY their eggs on ...  
Afterwards, the frog spawns ~~grows~~ GROW ~~into~~ BECOMING tadpole ~~which is~~ AFTER THEY PASSED the embryo with ...  
The next ~~development~~ CHANGING stage is that front ...  
... in the back of frogs ~~was~~~~grown.~~ GROW  
  
... frog grows ~~become~~ BECOMING THE adult frog with ~~changing~~ CHANGES in their tails ...  
..., the adult frog ~~become~~ METAMORPHOSES ~~much~~ bigger than ...  
..., the adult frog ~~become~~ IS strong enough to live in the land.  
  
**Note: make you sure what you write is what in your mind. You sometimes are supposed to write the active sentence, but you present the passive. Also avoid repetition.**
**Question :  
  
When students are in large classes, it is very hard for the teacher to give every student individual attention. What can educational authorities do about this?**  
  
Teacher feel hard to give the consideration to student in the large class. A step that headmaster suggest to the teacher is using method which have a popular teaching combination and also arrange the seats with effectively mode.  
  
The one of solution is teacher should use variation of methods. It means by having a several group it can make the teacher is easier to deliver the subject. The teacher can see the student closely by one another. For instance, based on survey from University of Texas in 2007 stated that 65% of teachers in the classes is showing pictures or videos on a huge screen can get more attention for the students. The teacher also can explain with the movements of objects that can be seen in front of the class. It is true that the teacher's new method are make any differences.  
  
Another way to deliver the lesson effectively is make the position of students in the class systematically. It means the seat in the class should be set up for form of square and the teacher would stand in the middle of new position so the teacher can control the activity of student. For examples, research from University of Chicago state about 65% of students that study in the designed of seats such as a circle is more productive than others. It is acceptable that the teacher can guide the student good way by using this form.  
  
All in all, school authorities should apply some methods to solve this problem as using many type of teaching and changing the position of seats for better result. Thus, the teacher can deliver the subject to every students in the class.
Hi Mr Dika  
here some suggestions for your writing.  
  
that headmaster suggests to the teacher (headmaster is singular)  
  
~~The~~ one of solutions is teacher should  
  
by having a several group ~~it~~ can make the teacher ...  
  
can get more attention ~~for~~ from the students  
  
... teacher's new method ~~are~~ makes any differences.  
  
research from University of Chicago stated about 65%  
  
teacher can guide the students ~~good way~~ well by using this form.  
  
as using many types of teaching  
  
Best Wishes
hai dika  
I have some suggestions for you  
hope it works  
  
... lesson effectively is ~~make~~making the position of students ...  
  
... class should be set up for a form of square (...) of new position so that the teacher can control the ~~activity of student.~~class.  
  
For example~~s~~ , research from University ...  
  
... this problem as using many types of teaching and (...) of seats for the better result.  
... subject to every student~~s~~ in the class.  
  
thanks
Dear Andika, here some advice for your writing and feel free to correct me too!  
  
~~The~~ one of **the** solution is **that** teacher should ...  
  
It means **that** by having a several group ~~it can~~ , ~~make~~**making** the teacher ~~is~~ easier to ...  
  
.....~~is~~**was** showing (...) a huge screen ~~can~~**in order to** get more attention ...  
  
...new method ~~are~~**is**~~make~~**making** any differences.  
  
... middle of new position ~~so~~ , **and** the teacher can control ...  
  
... of seats such as a circle ~~is~~**are** more productive than others.  
  
Regards
The diagram illustrates the process of precipitation happened the surface of the earth and the topsoil. Overall, it is important to bear in mind that the cycle of rainfall needs several steps before storing in the sea.  
  
To begin with, because of the sun, the water in the sea, lakes and rivers evaporates and rises into the air, called water vapor. When it comes to the sky, the wind blows water vapor cools with turning back into clouds. Subsequently, the wind carries out the cloud to the higher hallway. As a result, the water on the cloud droplet with combining increasingly large granules after several times.  
  
After the water drops into the earth, most the water is absorbed by the soil in the layer of the earth. More broadly, the water turns into sea through river, lakes and seas. For all intents and purposes, the water stored in the sea and it is ready to evaporate again.  
  
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Hello Nina, glad to read your essay again. I found that you are able to keep up your effort especially in the Task Achievement part because all the important information of the diagram are successfully written. This is good for you because some may find it difficult to maintain their achievement when they get a different data to be presented. Still, I think you need to work harder on the lexical resource.  
  
Firstly, as I already commented previously, uses a sufficient range of vocabulary can help you to elevate your score. In the above essay, I think you can replace the word "water" and "vapor" with the pronoun "it" if this possible to avoid overusing these words. Also, you can re-arrange the sentence structure to have more variation of sentence's structure in your writing and this can be one of the examiner's consideration to give you a good score in this task. However, you need be careful on using varied sentence structures. Good luck with your practice!
Nina, your summary paragraph is a bit confusing. The first sentence lacks a cohesive presentation in order to create kind of understanding that the reader hopes to gain by reading your opening summary. The rest of the paragraphs though, have actually delivered the required information in a diagram summary. I will admit that your essay has a big problem in the grammar accuracy and lexical resource portion. However, the problem is not as severe as others in the sense that, with some concentration and repeated reading, the reader will eventually understand what you are trying to say. It is nice to see that you have the ability to turn in cohesive paragraphs which have a logical discussion thread. You will definitely get good points for that.
Hi Nina, now you were able to add the diagram and this will ease the process of revision for your analysis essay and I have a few suggestions below;  
  
- ~~happened~~happening in the surface of the earth  
- and ~~the~~its topsoil.  
- Overall, it is important to ~~bear in mind~~note that the  
- ~~needs~~goes through several steps before  
- ~~storing in~~making it to the sea.  
  
- To begin with, ~~because of~~with the sun,  
- into the air,it's called water vapor.  
- When it comes to the sky, the wind blows the water vapor - it then cools ~~with turning~~and turns back into clouds.  
- As a result, the water ~~on the~~turns into cloud droplet - with ~~combining~~ increasingly large granules ~~after several~~over time~~s~~ .  
  
There you have it Nina, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and I left the last paragraph for you to practice your proof reading and editing skills.
The two maps display about an area before and after the development in Bradenburg over twenty year period. Overall, there are significant change with the several facilities that had been built in the town.  
  
In the center of town, after the construction, the railway station was constructed to across the sea between left and right area. Moving to the eastern side, the facilities such as big building was developed bigger than before that close to the bridge. Also, the tree was cutting-down and witnessed drop the number. In south-east, the interesting side come from the supermarket replaced many houses. However, the house experienced decrease number by four.  
  
Turning to the western side, the airport was built near to the school. On the right side, it can be seen that there is a massive development in settlement sector with the improvement by two houses. In addition, in the bottom side, the factory and the port were constructed in close to the railway station.  
  
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Hi dika, these are my thought towards your essay  
  
...Bradenburg over twenty years period.  
...Overall, there are significant changes with the several ...  
[ i think you should be more careful in singular or plural verb (SVA) ]  
  
**In the center of town**, after the construction, the railway **station** was constructed **to across** the sea between ...  
[ i think there are some mistakes in this sentence.  
1. the railway is not in the center of the town.  
2. it is not railway station that had been constructed, but the new railway line  
3. it is not across the sea, but across the land ]  
..., the facilities such as **big building** was developed bigger ...  
[ it would be better if you explain what kind of building it is ]  
  
... were constructed ~~in~~ closed to the railway station.  
  
thank you
Dear Andika, here some advice for your writing and feel free to correct me too!  
  
...there ~~are~~**were** significant change**s** with ~~the~~ several facilities ...  
  
... as big building was **re**developed ~~bigger than before that~~ , ~~close~~**closing** to the bridge.  
  
...and witnessed **a** drop ~~the~~~~number~~**proportion**.  
  
... experienced **a** decrease number by four.  
  
... was built near ~~to~~**by** the school.  
  
it ~~can~~**could** be seen that there ~~is~~**was** a massive development in ...  
  
Regards
The diagrams reveal the information regarding the steps and tools utilized in the cement production process and how cement usage in concrete production for construction matters. Overall, the cement-making process has six handmade linier stages which start from crusher some raw materials to the packaging cement. Meanwhile, the concrete production of cement for building purpose has only one stage man-made linier step which mixes some raw materials.  
  
According to the diagram, the first step of cement production is that crush a limestone and clay until involves to the powder. Following this, the powder inserts to the mixer and passes through the rotating heater. In this step, the powder is heating by high temperatures and then it is grinded by grinder to produce cement. Finally, cement is packaging into bags and ready to utilize.  
  
Turning to the produce concrete for construction matters, it collects some raw materials by the measure, for instance less than a fifth for cement, on in ten of water, a quarter of sand and a half small stones. More broadly, it is provided in the concrete mixer and after that limestone appears to be true.  
  
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Muhamad, your first sentence is too long. You could have created at least 2 sentences from the content of that single sentence. The second sentence could have presented the information about cement usage in making concrete. That said, your summary paragraph is quite informative and meets all of the prompt requirements for the task accuracy section. Your final paragraph also suffers from the same problem. You should have broken the sentences up into multiple topic sentences since it was possible to do so. I see that it can create at least 3 new sentences, which would have in turn, allowed the paragraph to become more informative and look more authoritative. Overall though, you did not do a shabby job when it came to the content of the summary. The sentences used tended to have some grammar accuracy problems but it never detracted from the meaning of the summary so it can be ignored. However, points would still have been deducted for it in the actual test.
The diagrams describe the process of cement manufacturing and how a cement is used in the concrete production. Overall it can be seen that to make a concrete, the cement is needed as one of the main materials.  
  
Before going to the concrete production, the cement production is going first. The manufacture of cement involves five stages. The first stage of cement production is the limestone and clay is ground by the crusher into a powder. After that, the powder is mixed using a mixer and passes to the rotating heater. In the rotating heater the powder is heated and rotated to make a mixture. The heated mixtures is carried by conveyor to be crushed by the grinder. In this step, the final cement are produced and ready to be packed into bags.  
  
The packaged cements are ready to be utilized in the concrete production. To produce a concrete, a quarter of sand and a half of gravel are mixed with 10 percent of water and 15 per cent of the packaged cement. All of the materials are mixed utilizing a cylindrical concrete mixer until it is yielded.  
  
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