dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## people work because they need money to live.

  
***What are some other reasons that people work? Discuss one or more of these reasons.***  
  
most people nowadays work just for a living because it is regarded as being too stressful. however. I still believe that some people choose going to work for other reasons.  
  
First of all, they find a job to have the sense of hapiness. I know lots of people who are very wealthy but they still go to work to meet colleagues and have fun during work. It helps them enjoy much more meaningful lives instead of staying at home and do the chores. Thanks to working, they have the chance to wear off fashionable clothes as well as sharing their life story.  
  
Secondly, workplaces are one of the best places to acquire useful knowledge about many fields, especially the one that relates to our jobs. People easily obtain majored information that no where else has because there are tons of meetings every months in which each employee discuss different opinions of specific problems. They can also gain soft skills such as leadership, communcation, etc.  
  
To put it in a nutshell, people get jobs for different purposes, not for the way round. Our lives' quality is getting better day by day, which means human do not attach too much importance to make ends meets so they will tend to work just for recreational reasons  
  
----please give me some feedback, thank you so much indeed!
There are four reasons why this essay will not gt a passing band score in an actual test. The reasons are:  
- You have written 213/250 words. Severe percentage deductions will be applied to due to the word count error.  
- Errors in spelling that were uncorrected  
- Errors in grammar that were not edited and revised  
- Vocabulary problems based on a presentation of overused English expressions (In a nutshell...)  
  
The most striking error in this presentation is how you started the paraphrased presentation with a small letter instead of a capitalized letter. Kindly remember that the first word of a sentence / new paragraph is always capitalized. That is to differentiate it from the other parts of a sentence presentation. You have not properly paraphrased the original content, based on the first sentence of the original presentation. You need to add a properly paraphrased topic sentence in the presentation. You are also offering an opinion ( I still believe) towards the end of the paragraph when you are only being asked to provide reasons, rather than an opinion regarding the given topic. So these errors alone will pull down the TA score to a non-passing mark.  
  
You gave stress as a reason in the first paragraph but then failed to discuss it as a part of one of the 2 reasoning presentations. In fact, your response outline in the first paragraph lacks the 2 reasons topic presentation. When you mention it as a response to the question in the first paragraph, you have to discuss it in the second. If you don't, then the essay loses coherence and cohesion. There is no connection between paragraphs.  
  
Etc. is a non-academic word. Avoid using such words in your academic presentation. Always complete the thought process in the paragraph. Explain yourself clearly to the reader. You also have this habit of using English expressions out of context. Since you are obviously not familiar with English word usage to the extent of using phrases and expressions properly, avoid doing so. It can affect your LR and GRA scores negatively.
## wild animals protection

  
  
Question: Some people believe that all wild animals should be protected. Others say that only a few wild animals should be protected. Discuss both views and give your opinion ?  
  
My writing is below. I have just started to revise for IELTS test so please give feedback to help me improve. I am very appreciated all of your support.  
  
People have different views about the quantity of wild animals should be kept safe. While the protection of all wild animals is considerably ideal to several people, I do believe that only certain kinds of wild animals should be protected.  
  
On the one hand, animal slaughter is the violation to animal rights based on religious beliefs of several people. Besides, preservation of all wild animals will ensure the terrestrial and aquatic biodiversity on the planet. It is also a practice to maintain the balance in the food chains. For example, snakes and rats are in the similar food chains, and if we eradicate any one group of two wild species, discrepancy in this chain will be formed, and present unanticipated consequences for other chains in the future. Therefore, I believe that educational programs about love to animals and awareness in animal protection, should be fostered in teaching system.  
  
On the other hand, most of the authorities struggle to secure enough funding for the conservation of all wild animals. Instead of that, the prevalence of resources will be reallocated to other imperative issues such as: poverty, health care, etc. Besides, several wild animals are dangerous, and therefore they could bring serious consequence to human and other species. For example, rats usually find their food in filthy environment so they can carry deadly diseases and transmit to human when people can not pursue their quantity management. In my opinion, governments should invest in a national zoo that specifically preserve invaluable wild animals, especially endangered ones.  
  
In conclusion, I can understand why many people support the idea to protect all wild animals, but it seems to me that the preservation of several wild animals is much more desirable at this moment.
You need to have a more complex restated paragraph. Outline each of the 2 public discussions, even as you present a personal opinion at the end. In this instance, you need to reflect the 2 sides of the discussion first. These are:  
  
- All wildlife needs to be protected  
- Only certain wildlife should be protected  
  
You only reflected one of the 2 public points of view in your discussion prior to presenting your personal opinion. This created a tangential response which will definitely affect your overall score. The discussion you present must be based on the original, with all original points of view presented clearly in the paraphrase.  
  
Now, for the personal opinion part. Based on your presentation, you should have had a 3 reasoning paragraph presentation. As such, you need a stand alone paragraph for your personal opinion based on your understanding of the 2 public discussion concerns. A comparative consideration at the start of the personal opinion, leading into your actual opinion would have been perfect for that presentation.  
  
The personal opinion should not be a part of the concluding statement as it must be justified with reasons, examples, and other supporting facts. The conclusion should help the reader get a better picture of your discussion through a presentation of important discussion points at the end.
The given two maps show how the village of Stokeford changed during a period from 1930 to 2020. Overall, the village experienced a reduction in the size of farmland area as well as a significant increase in the number of new houses after almost a century.  
  
In 1930, the village consisted mostly of farmland with a shop, a primary school, a post office and a few houses. Moreover, there was a large house built on the gardens located to the east of Stokeford.  
  
By 2010, the village changed considerably by the total disappearance of farmland and a soaring number of new houses built along the main road. The main road running through the town was expanded into many routes and the primary school was also enlarged. The size of the gardens was narrowed and the former large house was turned into a retirement home. The only things that remained the same were the post office and the bridge crossing the River Stoke.  
  
*
You have written a good number of words. You will be getting maximum scoring consideration overall. I expect that you will pass this test even if you made 4 errors in spelling, grammar, and clarity. That said, there are still some notable errors that you have to take note of.  
  
You should write at least 3 sentences paragraph, avoiding the long sentences / run-on sentences that tend to confuse the understanding of the reader due to combined idea presentation. In the summary overview, you made a mistake in referring to the years involved. The image comparisons are from 1930 AND 2020. It is not a running comparison over several decades. You must be clear and repeating the information as presented in the original. In this case, it is a year v. year comparison. There is a difference. When they say "1930 and 1920", those are 2 different years. When you read "FROM 1930 up to 2020", then that is a running comparison.
Hello, this is my IELTS writing task 1. I have practiced writing this task recently. Please read it and give me some advice to improve my skills. Any feedback is highly appreciated. The topic is in the attached picture. Thank you very much  
  
.## TASK 1 IELTS\_FAST FOOD CONSUMPTION

  
  
The line graph compares the consumption of three kinds of fast food by Australian teenagers: pizza, fish and chips, and hamburgers. The period time shown is 1975 to 2000.  
  
Overall, both hamburgers and pizzas consumption increased dramatically over 25 years while there was a considerable decline in the number of times fish and chips were eaten.  
  
In 1975, fish and chips were consumed most with 100 times, then followed by a decline to a little more than 80 times in 1980. Between 1985 and 2000, fish and chips consumption decreased sharply from 95 times to fewer than 40 times, becoming the type of fast food that was eaten least by 2000. In contrast, over the time shown, there was a tenfold increase in consumption of hamburgers from 10 times in 1975 to 100 times in 2000, whereas the number of times Australian teenager ate pizza in 2000 was sixteen times as many as in 1975. Originally having the lower times eaten compared to fish and chips, in the end, pizza and hamburger outstripped fish and chips completely. The period from 1995 to 2000, both pizza and hamburgers remained stable.  
  
*
In the summary overview, indicate the measurement type. You cannot jump to the time frame without first indicating the measurement type. The information you provide isn't complete or very clear to the reader when you skip presenting one part of the information in the overview. You will also be able to create a more cohesive summary if you include the trending statement in the summary overview. It is the traditionally best position to place the trending statement as it helps to deliver a clearer overview to the reader. Yes, I advocate for the 3 paragraph Task 1 essay because of the way that it allows the student to aim for a higher C&C score in the end. While I do not frown on the 4 paragraph writing process, I find that the 4 paragraph essay is better suited for the scoring requirements of the Task 2 essay. You may not be of the same opinion and I will accept that. This is just my 2 cents worth of advice as a professional.  
  
I find the last paragraph to be too long. You could have divided it into 2 section for formatting and clarity purposes. You should remember that the clarity of this type of discussion comes from your ability to create 3 group paragraphs:  
  
- Overview  
- Group 1 comparison  
- Group 2 comparison  
  
Look for the commonalities that you can group together in your paragraph presentation. That way you will have the ability to create clearer reporting presentations. Do not make the paragraph sentences too long that is becomes difficult to track your report. Also, you should remember that there are other punctuation marks you can use in the essay, not just a comma throughout. Show diversity in your sentence development use other punctuation marks and use true simple and complex sentences. Do not masquerade run-ons as complex sentences. It will never happen.
Write about the following topic.  
  
***In the past, most people lived in small villages where everyone knew every one else. Nowadays, most people live in large cities where they only know a few people in their area.  
  
What do you think were the advantages and disadvantages of living in a small community?  
## Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.***  
  
*My answer is below. Please give me feedback and score prediction. I really appreciate it. Many thanks!*  
  
Nowadays, people tend to choose big cities to live in is gradually become popularity instead of concentrating on living in rural villages in the past. Despite the difficulties, living in the countryside also brings many benefits.  
  
I think everyone who lives in a small village can easily see many benefits. Firstly, inhabitant in here are very friendly, they all know each other. When you get stuck, everyone can help you enthusiastically and unconditionally, that makes people's relationships even more cohesive. Secondly, you always feel safe anywhere and whenever because the amount of crime in here is very low, especially people always keep an eye on and be alert when strangers enter the village. Also, life in the countryside is very peaceful, the air quality is very good, so everyone feels relaxed and lives a healthy life. It is simple life, but everybody is happy.  
  
However, there are a number of disadvantages when you choose live in small village. You have to accept living with the lack of conditions such as schools, hospitals because of the long distance and bad roads. That leads to the quality of education decreased and the health of each citizen is not guaranteed. Besides, small villages are far from industrial zones, so people don't have job with stability salary to provide quality of life.  
  
After all, in my view, there are certain disadvantages to choose live in small village. However, if government invest more in construction roads and factories, living in small community will become more worth living.
Scoring is not part of the free review service. For scoring and advanced review services, you may opt for our private review service or, make the thread URGENT to receive advanced review content from a contributor. Any student who scores an essay will face suspension of their account. That said, I will be more than happy to provide you with a general review of your essay instead.  
  
You have several sentence representation errors in the first line of the first paragraph (is gradually become popularity = is gradually becoming more popular) Additionally, your representation if the discussion requirement is not as proper as it should be. You need to understand that you have to outline your discussion points in the restatement section because there are direct questions to be responded to. You have to give one specific advantage and one clear disadvantage in those lines to highlight how the discussion will be dealt with in the reasoning paragraphs.  
  
There will be 2 reasoning paragraphs in this essay. One for the advantage and one of the disadvantage. As you are not being asked for a specific opinion in this prompt, you should not provide one in the essay discussion itself. Do not take any specific side in this discussion because it is not a single opinion essay. It is more of a general discussion topic that allows you to use the first person pronoun within the discussion.  
  
Your discussion is not very cohesive as you do not actually compare the same topic points as an advantage and disadvantage. The clarity and coherence of your essay will be in the way that you can create a balanced discussion using the same topic for different points of view. You score better overall because of that clarity in the presentation.  
  
In the conclusion, you are not summarizing the discussion points from the reasoning paragraphs. You are also offering a solution to a perceived problem. However, there was no problem indicated in the original prompt and, you were not asked to provide any solution to a specific problem. You will lose points as this is a serious prompt deviation in terms of conclusion representation.
## WRITING TASK 2: Advantages or Disadvantages about "Information Technology"

  
  
**Information technology is changing many aspects of our lives and now dominates our home, leisure, and work activities.  
To what extent do the benefits of information technology outweigh the disadvantages?**  
  
My answer is below. Please give me feedback so I can redeem myself.  
  
In the wake of the consecutive innovations, information technology is presently not only altering multiple perspectives of people's lives but also permeating into their houses, spare time, and jobs. Personally, its merits implicitly come before for its drawbacks.  
  
On one hand, information technology accommodates people with high-speed communication, thus people are able to connect and integrate in an instant regardless of geographical barriers. Scores of social media networks, such as Facebook and Twitter, contrive to bind people across the world together by granting them access to an extensive online ecosystem to which millions of people have affiliated so far. Moreover, so versatile and affordable is this technology that it establishes an efficacious system of dispersing and collecting data. Google, the world-prevalent search engine, for example, provides people opportunities to approach a vast majority of subjects and thus broaden their minds.  
  
On the other hand, as information technology devises a humongous news-sharing forum, it is immensely difficult to scrutinize and censor all the uploaded news, many of which may entail inappropriate and misleading information. Hence, impressionable youngsters could encounter violent and obscene contents while surfing the internet and imitate those acts without truly comprehending the adverse consequences. To illustrate, there has been an increase in juvenile delinquency rate ever since online users could post everything on the internet at will.  
  
In deduction, beyond dispute, information technology has significant influences on many fields of individuals' lives and comes with both pros and cons. Nevertheless, its virtues are apparently predominant since they facilitate our world by functioning as an effective means of social networking and learning.  
  
(263 words)
Okay. the discussion question is "To what extent..." which means you have to provide a measured response to this question. While your topic representation is acceptable, you did not provide the correct measured response to the question. Your response, towards the end of the first paragraph should have been more geared towards the following presentation:  
  
*Based on (reason 1) and (reason 2), I believe that the disadvantages of IT cannot be more than the advantages.*  
  
From the presentation of your discussion topics, you can begin writing 2 reasoning paragraphs relevant to the discussion in the following format:  
  
Sentence 1: Topic Sentence / Perceived disadvantage  
Sentence 2: Disadvantage explanation  
Sentence 3: Rebuttal / Reason why it is an advantage  
Sentence 4: Explanation  
Sentence 5. Example to prove the explanation  
  
By using the comparative writing style within the same paragraph, you successfully present a clear, cohesive, and totally developed reasoning discussion presentation. As of now, your writing shows a lack of focus and a desire to over inform the examiner. Your objective is not to over inform. Your target is merely to convince the reader of your opinion based on a clear explanation using both sides of the issue to illustrate.  
  
You cannot really say "In deduction" to start your concluding paragraph. Rather, aim for a more academic opening sentence. Maybe something like "So, to review the information, it is possible to deduce that..."
***In some countries, owning a home rather than renting is very important for people.  
Why might this be the case?***  
## Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

  
  
My answer:  
In some countries, buying an estate for residential purposes is considered more important than renting. In my opinion, this is because it offers more freedom and stability in the long run. I consider this trend as a positive situation with many advantages, although there are several adversities that must be faced to achieve house ownership.  
  
Some societies put emphasis on house ownership due to several advantages. Buying a house would allow us to have full possession of the house for our entire lives, or until a determined period (ie. if we sell it). The first advantage to this situation is that we can renovate the house and conform it to our own architectural and style preferences. We have freedom to paint the walls, change the room arrangement, or maybe demolish some parts of the building, without having to adhere to certain rules like we would have to if we rent a house. The second advantage is the stability that it offers. We can choose to stay in a that place for a long time and not have to move around. It would be less of a hassle. This is of particular importance if we already have a family and children. Another positive impact is that we could be more connected to our neighbours and the surrounding community.  
  
However, buying a house nowadays is not cheap. Estate prices are ever increasing in a rate that is exponential. This is due to the also increasing price of land. Therefore, in order to be able to afford house ownership, most people would have to work very hard and save money. Some people could also use credit schemes, which would make the house price more expensive. Sometimes it takes years until the loan pays off.  
  
Overall, I think it's good that in some countries people strive to buy their own house even though it's not always an easy task.
Hello Epi, here are some of my thought about your work  
Some of your expression is quite wordy, for example " in a rate that is exponential". You can correct it into in an exponential rate, clear and enough academic.  
  
You are not allowed to write shorten form in an academic essay: it's will have to correct in to it is. Good is not a word that we should use in an academic writing. You can use beneficial or positive trend, so on.., it depends  
  
Finally, i think we can change the structure of the first advantage, the second advantage. We should use various structure to make your essay more diverse. I suggest you to use Moreover, owning a house also help... , when it comes to, ...  
  
You can correct some grammar mistakes
Have you tried writing this essay using a timer? I mean really using a timer while you:  
- Read and comprehend the prompt  
- Outline the different topics for discussion  
- Draft topic sentences for each question  
- Create a draft of the essay body  
- Proof read and finalize the content  
  
I do not believe you did so. You wrote a total of 315 words, with spelling and discussion clarity issues. Errors that could have been corrected if you had written less and focused on the quality of the content more. You would have also seen, if you had written the essay using the correct outline format prior to simply writing whatever came to mind, that you would have a difficult time writing that many words.  
  
The prompt restatement still uses the same mix of words from the original ( more important than renting) which still makes that reference a memorized phrase. Good job on responding to the why question. You delivered a clear hypothesis to the reader. However, you should have picked either the negative of the positive to discuss in the essay as you were ask an "or" question rather than a comparative "compare and contrast" question.  
  
When you do not pick a clear side to support, you cannot be given a clear score for the clarity of your opinion. In the end you even said "I think", which will further affect your final score as you do not really have a solid opinion presented in this single opinion defense essay.