dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
*This is an IELTS Task 2 essay written within 40 minutes, without the help of dictionaries, the Internet as well as spell checkers, since I want to stimulate the examination experience. Please give me a feedback on this essay, and an average band score if you are able to estimate.*  
  
Thank you in advance!  
  
**Some people say success in a person's life as an adult is the result of the way he was brought up by his parents. Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## father's and mother's contribution to a child success

  
  
The success of a person's life is regarded to be a result of the way he was brought up by his parents. In my opinion, I personally agree with this idea, and I will explain why.  
  
On the one hand, regarding the importance of parents, it is undeniable that these mothers and fathers play a vital role in children's development, both mental and physical aspects. To ensure their children having a bright future, parents these days are taking their son and daughters to many academies, including mandatory schools, talent institutions and sports clubs, resulting in pushing the process of seeking for their strength. These talented abilities, ranging from playing musical instruments and sports to be excelled in mathematics, are proved to have significant effects on a person's successful career. It is notable, for example, that there are numerous people are capable of utilizing their strength to make way for success, as we see in Mozart, the pianist with talented skills denoted by his father, and Shinzo Abe, the vice president of Japan who is persuaded by his parent to be a politician.  
  
On the other hand, though, a person's living environment is sometimes believed to have impacts on his future. For example, if a child grows up in a neighborhood where citizens are members of criminal crews, he will likely end up a gangster.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that parent is crucial to a person's successful life, since fathers and mothers help to find their children talents.  
  
(251 words)
Phi, since this is the first IELTS Task 2 essay that you have written, I will refrain from scoring your essay because you will not like the score it will be getting. There are a number of format and discussion problems that created a failing scenario for this essay so I would like to address those points in this essay instead so that you will not repeat the mistakes in the future.  
  
For starters, you must be conscious of the fact that all the paragraphs in the essay, from the introduction, the 3 body paragraphs, and the concluding statement, should always be composed of 3-5 sentences each. It cannot be more than that, it cannot be less than that. It also, should not be presented using numerous long sentences, separated by commas because those will be regarded as run-on sentences and will cause the lowering of your C&C and GRA scores.  
  
I would like to call your attention to the opening statement, which is supposed to represent your understanding of the prompt requirements. It should accurately represent your own understanding of the original prompt. It should never discuss the topic instantly because that paragraph is meant for comprehension assessment and not discussion representation. So the proper presentation for your opening paragraph should have been:  
  
*The success of an adult person is often attributed to his parents. There is a common belief that the method by which a child is raised by his parents prepares him for a successful future. I agree with this statement for several reasons.*  
  
Now, you over discussed your second paragraph because you threw in all of the possible topics for discussion in one paragraph. The correct approach would have been to allow for only 1 topic per paragraph such as :  
  
\*1. Topic for the paragraph, supporting reason, example.  
\*Repeat 2 more times  
  
or the alternative is:  
1. Topic for discussion + supporting reason  
2. Topic for discussion + supporting resason  
3. One illustrative example for both reasons  
  
Then the conclusion. The conclusion should represent the same information as the opening statement. Which means you have to restate the thesis statement, without repeating the same presentation as the start, the summarized discussion points, and a restatement of your opinion based on the presented evidence.  
  
It can be daunting at the start to write these essays but if you review the examples here and learn from the previous advice given, I am sure you will on track in no time. I applaud you for doing your best to replicate the exam center situation. That is a good practice to start and you should continue it throughout your practice tests. I look forward to reading your future improved practice tests.
@Holt  
**Thank you so much for your very informative and motivational feedback.**  
  
I would like to summarize your idea in order to improve my future essays and some of my confusing thoughts:  
1/ I should not use too long sentences.  
2/ The number of sentences in my paragraphs should stay in between 3-5.  
3/ The opening statement should show my assessment for the prompt. Did you mean I should write my general thinking for the given topic?  
4/ I should write 1 topic per paragraph following your provided structure.  
5/ The conclusion should be written as you mentioned.  
Does my essay have to include 3 body paragraphs? Is 2 bodies are enough?  
How to write an opening sentence when I start a body paragraph? Should I go straight forward to the discussion or show a general idea about that paragraph?  
  
@Samuelsam123  
**I extremely appreciate your opinion on my writing, which includes:**  
1/ I should write an equal evaluation on both sides of the topic. I think this will disadvantage my idea as I emphasize them equally. However, I only support one opinion.  
  
2/ I should use more sophisticated words (haha, I know there are a lot of informal words in my essay, e.g. gangsters, but I have no time to think).  
  
3/ I should make more time to plan my writing.
*Nowdays food has become easier to prepare. Has this change improved the way people live?*  
  
## beneficial food producing innovatives

  
  
Today, advancement in household technology has dramatically changed the lifestyle of people and particularly, the preparation of food have become easiest task with modern innovative domestic appliances. Though this advancement has led the life of people on comfortable path, but the increasing disadvantages regarding techniques cannot be ignored.  
  
To consider, the innovative resources of making food are beneficial because they help people to save plenty of time for other important works and the shortage of time is the prevailing problem among community and as a result people give prominence to their relaxation and comfortness. Moreover, the new food-making sources are fast, and hygenic to use as compare to an earlier times where a single dish took huge quantity of fossil fuels for cooking. This view can be better explain with an example, as in primitive times, people mobilized natural sources of fire such as trees, dry cow-dung for the preparation of chapaaties and vagetables which usually contained 5 to 6 hours of a day but now with the advantage of microwave, oven a meal can be get ready within less than 5 minutes.  
  
All inventions do not bring positive outcomes everytimes because every good thing has some flaws and these types of advanced way of making meal is affecting on health beacause these appliances cook half baked dishes which directly impact on the circulation of body system. Furthermore, the overdependence on these electrones make people bleak and vulnearable to serious stomach problems and The reason is that, this food lack sufficient nutrients which are helpful to make peole heathy and active. For instance, in a recent survey, as the poluarity of domestic food preparation is increasing likewise heart diseases, obesity, cancer are peaking swiftly.  
  
To elucidate, though modern food-making sources have extreme utilization among public but this usage can be controlled with eco-frindy and healthy apoliances for preparation of food because excess of everything is bad so overdepence and shortcut systems always result in adverse situations.
There are quite a few grammatical and spelling errors. Always proofread your work twice.  
  
... outcomes ~~everytimes~~ every time because ... of making **a** meal is affecting ~~on~~ health ~~beacause~~ because ... half**-**baked dishes ... circulation of ~~body system.~~ the body. ... on these ~~electrones~~ electrons make people bleak and ~~vulnearable~~ vulnerable to ... reason is that~~,~~ this food ... to make ~~peole heathy~~ people healthy and active. ..., as the ~~poluarity~~ popularity of ..., cancer ~~are~~  is peaking swiftly.
Khalsa, the prompt that you were provided with is an opinion essay question. Therefore, this is supposed to be a one sided discussion of the point of view that you support in relation to the provided topic. Since you discussed 2 points of view in the essay, you did not follow the original instruction that requires the personal opinion discussion. The mistake you made cost you a severe points deduction in terms of Task Accuracy.  
  
Your paragraph presentations lack coherence and cohesiveness because you are presenting at least 3 topics in one sentence, which means your essay has numerous run-on sentences which means you will lose major points in the C&C and GRA sections. You cannot create complex sentences by stringing together your thoughts. That comes from the word usage and sentence complexity. That does not mean that you should discuss more that one thought in your sentence, that is a mistake most test takers make. You also need to work on your connecting word usage within sentences in order to create coherent presentations. The word "the" is the most important connecting word you can use and you do not use it a few times in the essay where it is necessary.  
  
Your lexical resource will also suffer because of instances where you made a mistake in spelling words. The most significant example being "aploiances" when you meant to spell "appliances".  
  
Having pointed out your mistakes, I can now give you a scoring breakdown for your essay:  
  
TA - 3 - your response is incorrect because yo were being asked whether the ease in food preparation has improved the way people live and you chose to discuss the advantages and disadvantages of the ease of food preparation instead.  
  
C&C - 3 - The sentence presentation is confusing due to the reasons I stated above.  
  
LR - 4 - Refer above for the explanation  
  
GRA - 4 - refer to the combined and inter-connected explanation for the GRA and C&C scoring considerations.  
  
Take note of the observations I made and the corresponding scores I gave the scoring criteria. Make sure to address these error points in your next practice test in order to test yourself for improvement at that point.
## more time to complete a qualification needed

  
  
*You are studying for a qualification, and you would like some time off work to complete it.  
Write a letter to your manager. In your letter:  
  
\* Ask for some time off to complete a qualification.  
\* Suggest what you will do later at work if you have time off.  
\* Say how the qualification helps your job or company.*  
  
Dear Jean,  
  
I am writing to seek for time off work in order to prepare my Advanced Piano Instructor Certification course assessment which happens next month.  
  
As I mentioned to you earlier this year that I was engaged to the course, I would be highly appreciated if you could approve my time off work for intensive practicing on the way to my final assessment. I have already arranged the work allocation during my away, my assistance Mandy will be accountable to my duties and I will make myself reachable by phone and email during the time.  
  
Obtaining the Advance Piano Instructor qualification not only putting my career development to the next level, but also polishing up the company reputation by enriching ore professional talented in house teachers. There, please consider my request and please contact me for details.  
  
Your sincerely,  
  
Junior Instructor  
Pete
K, you have not properly formatted this letter. The format for an inter-office letter is as follows:  
  
*Ms. Jane Simmons  
Manager  
Piano Academy  
  
Pete  
Junior Instructor  
Piano Academy  
  
Dear Ms. Simmons,*  
  
Your vocabulary is atrocious in this letter. It is so full of mistakes that I do not know where to begin. It will be best if you learn how to differentiate between an office title and the position title in relation to a job description such as:  
  
assistance - assistant  
ore = core  
  
If you review the prompt requirements, you will see that you also failed to indicate what you will do upon your return from this time off. That means, you should explain how this certification will help you perform better on the job. One point of reference could be a sharing of your new knowledge, gained during your preparation for the exam, with the other instructors. That way when you say that you will enrich the core of in-house instructors, there will be a root basis for it.  
  
In the closing part, you should place your name first then your position / title directly under it. Not the other way around.
Kushboo, due the the lengthy narrative that you used before you finally got to the point in the last 2 paragraphs of your essay, your work will not score higher than a 2. The risk should be evident from the very start of your essay. Instead, you wrote a creative writing piece about how you finally chose your college major. That is not the purpose of this essay. The essay is supposed to focus on a specific risk that you have taken in life. While I will admit that you did take a risk by enrolling in a college major that you had absolutely no interest in, the problem is that you did not say that from the very start. So by the time you got to the point, you had gone so far off track at the start that the examiner would have decided that you lost focus on the idea behind the prompt. The fact that you passed the decision making process to your mother and you just went along with it also shows that you used a very simple response to what should have been a complex decision making process. These are the reasons why this essay cannot score higher than a 2 in my opinion.
*Colour is a powerful tool that is used to great effect by manufacturers and retail companies when they try to sell something. In fact, many of the purchasing decisions we make are partly or largely influenced influenced by colour.  
  
How true is this statement? How much does colour influence us when we buy something?*  
  
## colours in life

  
  
Thanks to colour impacts, most companies promote their products to attract a number of consumers effectively. Numerous assessments analyze that a strong decision customers make to purchase goods is considerably influenced by colour. Therefore, I totally believe that colour is a potential element of the marketing when some corporations try to sell their products in highly competitive market and this essay will illustrate some more its influences.  
  
As a matter of fact, enterprises ordinarily invest huge capitals to design impressive advertisements in order to obtain more public attentions. The first reason is that colors not only emphasis an object or an emotion, they also catalyze the customer's minds to make unconscious judgments. Furthermore, this colour inevitably become an essential symbolization for its products which is the first factor that people have to look for if they want to find a company on the internet or on the street. For instance, the initial idea that appears in people's mind when they think about Facebook is its blue.  
  
When colors are researched, the first concept noticed is how different colors do cause different personal decision on products. By looking more in depth at the colors of the things a person may choose, a cognitive perspective could greatly help understand their favourite nature. Obviouly, most toys children love playing are designed in jazzy colors, which represent children's naive world outlooks.  
  
Some people argue that colors have no effect on emotions or choices, however, I considerably disagree with this view. For example self-starters usually wear day-glo clothes while inner persons enjoy pastel patterns. Therefore, the various models are designed.  
  
As far as i am concerned, there is a closer relationship between colour and decision to buy products. Hence, retail company convincingly design remarkable advertisements to attract most customers in terms of selling their products.
Lê, you wrote 300 words for this essay. While that is an admirable feat. It also tells me that you did not use a timer when you wrote this essay because the most number of words that can be written within the allotted time is 200 words at the most. Don't go beyond 200 words or you will lose time for editing and revising your work prior to submission.  
  
Slight problem with what would have otherwise been a great opening statement. Your paraphrasing is a bit off. You presented an actual opinion for discussion in this section when you should have saved that information for the body of paragraphs. You shouldn't have indicated the "numerous assessments" sentence in this instance. What was missing in your opening statement, was a reference to the to how retail companies use color to sell the shopper on something they are offering. So I would have stated this as:  
  
*Manufacturers and retail companies have been using colors in order to entice their buyers. In order to sell something, they influence the purchasing decision of the client through the use of colors. Therefore, color is an influencing factor when one is shopping for goods. I agree with this statement. Based on my personal experience and observations, color does have an influencing factor when one is considering a purchase of an item.*  
  
The part of the essay that is not required is the paragraph that discusses the opposing point of view. Since this is an opinion essay, only your opinion, the one that you support is important. Since you were not asked to discuss both points of view, the presentation of the opposing idea is unnecessary and not required.  
  
That said, you could have used a stronger closing statement though. It doesn't feel complete with just 2 sentences there. You need at least 3 in order to close with a more impactful statement for the examiner to read.
**Technology is very much a part of modern life. Many people see technology as a force that has escaped from human control. Others feel that technology has improved the quality of life. Do you think that the contribution technology has made to modern life has been positive or negative? State your position on this issue and support it with appropriate examples.**  
  
## the influence of technical inventions for the life today

  
  
Technology is the most unstable medium as it keeps on changing with time and new innovations. Today man has made exceptional progress in the field of technology. Our lives suddenly are surrounded by technology from a doorbell to the coffee machine. Technology has improved the quality of life and the contributions made to the modern life has been positive. I shall advocate my views in the following paragraphs.  
  
Technology has been spread in all the domains of our life. There have been innumerable inventions of medical types of equipment. Basic pieces of equipment like an X-ray machine to a complex machine like a mammography all have been very useful in saving lives of a number of people. Many diseases and disorders can be cured or detected with the help of the various technologies. It has helped medical professionals to gather more accurate data and analysis of the issue.  
  
One of the most positive outcomes of technology according to me has been in the field of education. One can teach and study online and earn a degree while doing odd jobs in the day to support himself and his family. With the growing access to the internet, one gets access to all the information that one needs to study or research about. With new applications being developed along with internet, education is reaching the remote corners of the world where there are no traditional schools for the kids.  
  
Mobile phones have contributed to healthy relations between distant family members and friends. Previously, people had to trunk call, which would take a couple of days to contact the other person which was quite costly and grueling. But these days one can talk to their parents residing in different countries at their own ease. With the help of mobile phones and cameras, one can capture beautiful memories and store them for a lifetime. They can view the images and videos any time as well as share with others who could not be a part of that memory.  
  
With the help of technology, everyone is updated with the latest news happening around the world. Weather forecast has helped man to plan his day or trip ahead with the help of the machines at the meteorology department. Banking has become considerable easy and manageable. One can send and receive money sitting in any corner of the world. One can make donations and help in the funding for any cause.  
  
All in all, inventions like the nuclear power has created disasters in history but the advantages drastically outweigh the disadvantages. So technology has made life much better that was in the past and it will further indulge in the future.
Khushboo, what happened? You already scored a 3 with your previous exercise and now you are back to a 2 on the scoring scale. while your discussion was relevant to the prompt and you presented a number of reasons with qualified examples, you did not really develop your discussions in terms of reasoning and your position on the topic. This was the result of trying to overwhelm the examiner with numerous, partially developed responses instead of focusing on say, 3 solid reasons with strong supporting explanations based upon your opinion. It is not the number of examples that count, is the quality of the discussion along with the example. That is why you should have limited your discussion to the examples that could have fully supported and explained your opinion on the topic instead. Word of advice, never say "according to me" in an essay. This shows a lack of English education and grasp of proper sentence development on your part. "According to" implies that you will be presenting information taken from a different source. The source can never be yourself. "According to" implies second hand information, since the information is coming from you, this is not second hand information but rather, a first person point of view. Therefore, the first person pronoun should be used as in "My opinion is that" or "In my opinion" or even "I believe that..." and "Personally..." As first person references to your opinion.