dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***Some people believe that they should be able to keep all the money they earn and should not pay tax to the state.***  
  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
Over the recent years, tax payment has become a major concern worldwide. While it is compulsory for adult inhabitants to contribute money to state revenue, varying people argue it should not be their duty. In my opinion, it is reasonable for governments to levy on workers' income and business profits.  
  
Without a doubt, paying taxes plays a vital role in maintaining and improving social conditions. To be specific, most communal goods and services, such as parks, schools and hospitals are funded by public money. Besides, without tax, important departments, for instance, national defense and police would not be functional, which harms not only the security but also the world peace. On the other hand, governments are considered untrustworthy due to corruption and political instability, however, it is inevitable that tax payment significantly influences the community if state issues are worked out well.  
  
Equally important, solving the inequality gap can be viewed as a primary reason why governments should levy mature citizens and companies. In the modern world, income tax would undoubtedly help balance the power between different social classes as the rich have to pay much more money to state revenue than the poor. Furthermore, public money financially supports the poverty, the homeless and the unemployed besides providing governmental pension payments for retired employees. Although varied people would argue imposing tax may shortly weaken the economy due to huge charges on the rich, other social classes would be benefited and motivated to contribute more in addition to dealing with the inequality effectively.  
  
In conclusion, I strongly agree that it is essential for every mature adult to pay tax to the state instead of saving all the money they earn in order to improve public conditions as well as tackling wealth inequality. It is also recommended that varied major issues about politics and corruption should be eliminated so that tax can play a more major part in developing society.  
  
This is my essay and I am hoping to see your feedback, suggestions and the band score if possible. Thanks in advance!
it is reasonable for governments  
So you totally agree? You did not frame your response in an extent manner so you did not fully meet the response format requirement.  
  
I strongly agree  
I found this in your concluding paragraph. As per TA question and answer format requirements, this must be presented as your direct question response in the first paragraph. That is where it applies itself the most to your scoring needs based on clarity of opinion considerations.  
  
world peace.  
Incorrect reference. The essay speaks of taxes on national and local levels. There are no global taxes on individuals that would affect world peace. You could refer to national or community peace instead.  
  
\* Limited review. Contact me privately for band scoring services.
## review of the specified article

  
  
The article "Educational technology and the future of the classroom" was posted by David Glance on June 4, 2014 in the newspaper named "The Conversation". David's article presents empirical evidence on the importance of technology in education. In general, it is a very good and positive prediction when technology has not developed strongly.  
  
In 2011, the EduTech National Congress, a conference and exhibition of educational technology, was started with 520 attendees. David Glance, director of UWA Centre for Software Practice, reported the information of this conference and based on it, along with his personal opinion, wrote "Educational technology and the future of the classroom". According to David, technology has a very important position in the field of education, but he also advises us to apply it reasonably and expect schools to accept the application of information technology in teaching.  
  
In the article, the author mentioned the benefits of technology in education. For example, the transition from using regular text books to increasingly interactive online teaching tools, or children spent 9 months to achieve the computer literacy of the average office worker. However, there were a lot of obstacles to the adoption of technology in education 7 years ago. Online courses were not everyone's concern at that time, and governments viewed education in a short-term perspective, countries were driven by test scores (Sir Ken Robinson). David didn't use technical or specialized vocabulary and avoided terms that may be unfamiliar to readers in order for general audience to understand. Moreover, he formulated an opinion based on his experience and observation, with other people's quotes (Sir Ken Robinson) to support his point. Finally, this article was carried out in 2014, at that time, there was a lot of controversy. But in recent years as technology has developed, people have seen the positive when applying these technologies to education so it is up-to-dated.  
  
In conclusion, the author wrote this article to affirm the importance of technology in education as well as raising people's awareness about the issue of educational technology. This article, therefore, should be highly appreciated.
presents empirical evidence on the importance of technology in education  
Based on what thesis? What were the discussion topics you believed to be valid? How Was his article developed?  
  
David's  
Use the author's last name since he is not a personal acquaintance of yours. show respect for the author.  
  
reported the information of this conference  
Based on what theme? How is that relevant to his article/ research paper?  
  
[~~quote=Thuymac]didn't[/quote~~]  
This is an academic paper, do not use contractions, use both words and spell it out.  
  
technology has a very important position  
Why? Use supporting evidence and review these critically.  
  
there was a lot of controversy.  
Because? Explain the reasons based on changing times.  
  
The presentation is more of an incomplete summary rather than a critical review. In fact, it is too short to be considered one. There are no contradictions, questions, or critical discussions provided in your presentation.
## social networking sites and their negative impact

  
  
In recent years, social media has become an indispensable part of our life but there is an opinion that social networking sites have an adverse effect on people and the community. In this essay, I strongly agree with this notion due to the following rationales.  
  
To start with, we slowly become slaves for the internet. Individuals have spent hours on it because these sites are so tempting, wasting our precious time. Even on streets, people hold their phone everywhere they go. This is dangerous when they are not concentrating on the road and could cause accidents. Also, most teenagers nowadays spend excessive amounts of time on web surfing, chatting or playing video games with strangers, becoming isolated with the family and turning into depression. Therefore, it is evident that social-media addiction has serious implications for people.  
  
Furthermore, the community can be harmed. With the rise of social media, the rate of crime also increases, they invade social networking sites and their target are the teenagers who played or chatted with them through games, web. Moreover, hackers can infiltrate the profiles of celebrities and blackmail them or even trick kids to kidnap them and extort their families.  
  
To conclude, social networking sites are still developing with huge influence on society. I believe we should use social media properly and be more careful while using such websites.
notion due to the following rationales.  
This does not offer clear supporting reasons for your opinion. Try to offer a summary of your discussion topics to help create a clear discussion oulline for your essay. That way, the reviewer can asses if your reasons are relevant to your opinion. 2 supporting reasons representing 2 body paragraphs will be sufficient in accomplishing this task. Excellent work on the measured response by the way.  
  
we slowly become slaves for the internet.  
LR and GRA error:  
  
for - Preposition; with the object or purpose of  
  
of - Preposition; used to indicate cause, motive, occasion, or reason  
  
You are referring to the latter so :  
  
... become slaves OF the...  
  
has serious implications  
Due specific C + C requirements, mention safety / physical, and mental heaeth hazards. The sentence needs a clear connecting reference for the previous discussions.  
  
rate of crime also increases,  
This reference needs supporting explanations. You presentation in this section requires increased explanations and shorter, more related examples.  
  
I believe  
You forgot toinclude your extent restatement in the summary.  
  
be more carefu  
summarize the reasons in relation to this. You are trying to present a reverse paraphrase to assist in TA scoring increase.
## report from the bar chart

  
  
The bar chart compares the number of female and male teachers working in different forms of education setting in UK in 2010.  
Overall, the fluctuation between the proportion of teachers being woman an men is obvious. While male teachers hold a major percentage in university, female ones have a particularly significant presence of teaching in nursery and primary school.  
  
There is a big difference in gender gap. From over 90% to 95% of teachers being female and male do in nursery and under secondary school positions, whereas male teachers reach from 5 to 9 % of teachers teaching in this educational level. However, the percentage of male lecturers are two times as many as female with 60% representing in university teaching posts.  
  
Regarding other 3 educational levels, the proportion of female and male teachers make up a slightly similarity at 50% of those in college. Both men and women hold at 45 to 55% in secondary school and private training institute.  
  
Please score me that is motivation for me to try.  
  
*
You need to learn how to do several things before you can actually begin to show improvement in your writing:  
  
- Familiarize yourself with English grammar rules in relation to writing. Specifically in relation to singular V. plural word usage  
- Learn what a sentence subject is, why it is important to sentence writing, how to properly place it in a sentence.  
- Practice sentence drafting based on proper information presentation.  
  
These are the preliminary basic lessons you need to learn in order to improve your writing skills. These are also the existing presentation problems in your current essay, which is why I am calling your attention to it.  
  
different forms of education setting  
Which are? Your summary overview is incomplete and lacks quick information references.  
  
being woman an men is obvious  
Serious grammar problem in relation to Singular V. Plural.  
Incorrect usage of an indefinite article (an) when a conjunction (and) should be used. These errors could cause a failing GRA score.  
  
being female and male do in nursery  
I'm not sure what you mean. This will lower your C + C and GRA scores.  
  
You should work on improving the areas I indicated above to help improve your writing skills and score. You are not within passing score range at the moment.  
  
\* Limited review provided due to scoring request. Contact me privately for scoring.
## Unpaid community service as a compulsory part of high school program

  
  
Some believe that sending students to working for unpaid community service should be required in high school. I completely agree with this idea as it plays an important role in their life and teenagers can gained a range of useful things.  
  
Firstly, it is a fascinating opportunity to gain soft skills such as communication and teamwork skills, which would be a significant foundation to extend their relationship as well as promoting opportunities in the future. Obviously, they would not only work independently but be excellent teamwork, which jointly makes them be outstanding.  
  
Secondly, being a young volunteer will create more chances for the student than other competitors. Volunteer experience will not only an asset on their CV but also enhances their potential abilities. Nowadays, universities tend to receive the candidate who excels both studying and volunteering than bookworm students. The more chances they get, the more abilities they show and devote.  
  
Finally, charity work helps them foster their creativity and compassion with others that contribute to creating good people for society. Young people may discover their strengths or their true dream and interests through charity programs so that they could determine the right career for their life. furthermore, by nurturing their compassion soon, they can avoid social evils and dedicate totally abilities.  
  
In conclusion, my view is that students should be sent to charity community service as soon as high school that benefits themselves as well as our society
gained  
Ooops! You started the sentence in current time reference, then suddenly went into past reference. That is a GRA error. Be consistent with your time reference. You did a very good job in presenting your opinion and opinion reason though. So you saved your TA and C + C score in this case.  
  
but ~~be~~ ~~excellent~~ teamwork  
Incorrect grammar and word usage affecting your LR and GRA grade.  
Corrected: ... but DEVELOP teamwork...  
  
Finally, charity work  
Over discussion. This is only a 4 paragraph essay. This paragraph will no longer help increase your score. Don't worry, no deductions will be applied since it still targets the same discussion point.  
  
The conclusion in a bit incorrectly formatted as it represents a run-on. You are still scored on clarity and cohesiveness in this section so use at least 2 sentences to represent the summarized discussion.  
  
You present a solid understanding of the topic and present convincing reasons. Although there will be some score deductions, you will not fail the test.
***Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent.***  
## Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

  
  
It is believed that the contemporary era makes humanity reliant on each other. Conversely, there are demographics that reckon the current world triggers the autonomy of each individual so that people are more self-contained. In this essay, I am about to argue both sides of this statement and put forward my perspective.  
  
At the outset, it is undoubtedly that relationship plays a pivotal role in the personal life journey. The world is progressively ever-changing and becomes more severe than ever, thus, aid is needed for the insolvable hardships that we may face in the future. I will take the status of going bankrupt as an example, as it comes, the financial support and care from relations you've formed is crucial to survive. What is more, people say that if you want to go sharply, go by yourself, but if you desire to go far, go together. It means the partnership is indispensable in your life journey. Suffering from ailment, emotional sabotage, or setback is unavoidable, as a result, a person will need close confidants to share, sympathize, and support you to undergo thick and thin.  
  
On the flip side, the arduousness of the world induces individuals to become early-matured and single-handled. Individuals reside in remote area, for instance, are more painstaking and independent on themselves since childhood. They fathom that nobody could give them a hand unconditionally so that they practice autonomy since the commencement. Moreover, the era of money wipes out the morality of a plethora of human beings. As a result, it is comprehensible as belief and faith are no longer powerful, thus, autonomy becomes ever-essential.  
  
In conclusion, I have a conviction that it is reasonable and practical for people to lean on each other. The world keeps changing and for better or worse, we need to people, who we have faith in to accompany with.
In this essay, I am about to argue both sides of this statement and put forward my perspective.  
Repeating the discussion instructions works to boost your TA score in terms of comprehension skills. It does not create a double boost of TA and C + C score when you respond with a clear writing or response outline such as the following:  
  
*It is important for me to understand both general reasons and opinions because, I personally believe that...*  
  
What did this sentence do in a more advanced response manner? It repeated the discussion instructions in relation to the personal opinion. 2 scoring sections get a preliminary scoring boost, the TA and C + C parts.  
  
undoubtedly  
wrong word usage. Use undoubted instead.  
  
I will  
Incorrect discussion format. Explain both views based on public perception first, then explain how your s blends with a particular s or, stands differently from both.  
  
I have a conviction that it is reasonable and practical for people to lean on each other.  
This is a clear opinion statement that would have helped your score in the 1st paragraph.
## tourists in Edinburgh

  
  
The line chart illustrates the proportion of visitors who went to four distinct destinations in Edinburg, Scotland.  
  
Overall, the number of tourists visiting zoo and castle showed an upward trend, whereas that of aquarium and festival followed a downward trend.  
  
From 1980 to 1985, the percentage of visitors to both places underwent a modest rise. Between 1985 and 2000, a period of 15 years, that of castle witnessed a dramatic surge, outstripped the number of aquarium tourists and peaked at 45 percent in the year 1995. Meanwhile, that of zoo fluctuated slightly. Then, from 2000 to 2010, the tourists coming to zoo rise considerably and eventually surpassed that of aquarium in 2005. In sharp contrast to this, the percentage of visitors coming to castle slowly declined.  
  
Between 1980 and 1985, the number of visitors to aquarium suddenly rose to about 35 percent, while that of festival witnessed a mild decline. From 1985 to 2000, the percentage of tourists coming to festival experienced a gentle fluctuation, then, to the rest of the timescale, it reached a plateau of about 25 percent. Meanwhile, that of aquarium witnessed a sharp fall from 1985 to 1990, a period of 5 years. In the next 5 years, it rose slight. After that, from 1995 to the end of the timescale, it experienced a marked plunge.  
  
*
The line chart  
slightly incorrect image identification . This isa line graph, not a line chart. By definition:  
  
chart - noun; a sheet exhibiting information in tabular form.  
  
graph- noun; a diagram representing a system of connections or interrelations among two or more things by a number of distinctive dots, lines, bars, etc.  
  
Both words are nouns but the words describe two distinctly different images. Use the correct definition for the image for accuracy. On the plus side, you did a good job enumerating the locations in the trending statement . That's always helpful in the initial scoring segment.  
  
both places  
what places. Always inform regarding the source of comparison points.  
  
that of castle  
Is this in reference to the previous statement? Make that reference clear. Otherwise you lose GRA (stress regarding comprehension on the part of the reader) and C + C points ( due lack of statement clarity).  
  
a gentle fluctuation  
The lowest and highest points being? The comparison is incomplete.  
  
it rose slight  
marked plunge.  
To what measurement levels? This creates confusion in the statement. You are risking further score reductions in the GRA and C + C sections. These issues could very well be the reason for a reduced overall score.
## New Zealand population analysis

  
  
The line chart illustrates the population growth in New Zealand between 1950 and 2050.  
Overall, the percentage of New Zealand population aged 65 and over dominated over the period show on the graph. While the age of 14 and under saw an increase, the people falling into the 24 to over 60 age group had fallen.  
  
In the year 1950, over 60% of population of New Zealand was the people aged over 65. The respective figure for people between 25-37 and 38-45 was around just over 20% and 25%. The proportion of children falling Into the 0 to 14 age group made up the lowest percent was close to 5%. Over the following 40 years, the 38-45 age people reached its peak, to nearly 50% percent and with the older group rose by around 9%. However, the 25 to 37 age group was down by about 5% and the 14 and under fell steadily in the same period.  
  
From 1990 to 2050, there was a dramatic increase in the people between 0 to 14 age, to nearly 17%. By contrast, the people falling into 38-45 age group dropped to almost 1%. The number of people old aged group had fallen by approximately 15% and 10% for 38 to 45 one.  
  
Hope to receive your comments  
  
* 
*
dominated  
The image showed a decline. Why did you say it dominated when the chart showed the highest fluctuation resulting in a steady decline leading into 2050? There is an incorrect analysis in the presentation regarding that section. It isn't 24-65, just 65 year olds.  
  
The respective figure ...and 25%  
Use a comparative sentence format for this presentation. Your current presentation is flat and not really informative. make your presentations more lively in an informative manner.  
  
Over the following 40 years  
You should refer to the year directly either in a parenthesis or work it into the sentence for clarity and accuracy.  
  
Your overall presentation lacks in creative comparisons that could help boost your LR and GRA scores. While being direct is fine, it sometimes causes a bit of confusion in your presentation. To avoid that next time, consider using a more active voice writing pattern.
You made a small mistake. It should be "over the period shown."  
  
"The porpotion of children falling into... 5%" I think you can simplify it like this : "The children in the age range of 0 to 14 made up just 5%, which was the lowest among 4  
  
age groups." I think this is easier to understand ^^  
  
The last sentence: "The number of people old.... for 38 to 45" It sounds pretty unclear. You may want to describe the age group clearer. For example:"The 38-45 age group and the people aged 65 and above both witnessed downward trends, respectively 10% and 15%"  
  
That is just my humble opinion. Have a good day :)