dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Why you should care about whale poo**  
  
Asha de Vos was whale protector and she became TEDx speaker in 2015. She said that Blue Whale became extinct because many people caught and made it as fish oil or fish production. People should aware that blue whale could hold environmental destruction. Whale conservation discovered that whale was sea engineer, because whale have two kinds of advantages to maintain sea habitat. The first was their poop can stimulate plankton to life and breeding, and the second was their carcass could be eaten by other creatures surrounding them. On the other word, they are nomadic animal usually they migrate approximately 16,000 miles each year between feeding and breeding, and back in the last year so this animal was vulnerable to disappear. We could prevent blue whale from extinction and the clearly way was conservation. Not only that but also we need revise our modern problem to stop throwing rubbish in the sea and fishing net the Blue Whale. We have to protect the blue whale because the true ecosystem was valuable.  
  
**Source: ted**
Bambang, I think you have mistakenly chosen the appropriate tense that you think it was. If you take a closer look on the content, it mostly tells the reader or audience about "information/general truth/fact/news" and it is a "current" situation that is happening related to whale. It is true that some of the information indicates a past event, but I think most of them should be in present form. Let me give you a hint in the detailed descriptions below:  
  
- Asha de Vos **was whale protector**... (did she change her job now? if she is now still working as whale protector, present form is the most appropriate tense)  
  
- She said that Blue Whale **became** extinct because many people **caught** and **made** it as fish oil or fish production. (do people stop catching fish and making fish oil nowadays? No right? I assume that this sentence also needs to be in present form, except the indirect speech)  
  
- People should aware that **blue whale could hold environmental destruction.**(fact/general truth = present)  
- ... discovered that whale **was** sea engineer, (until now, whale is still a sea engineer)  
- ~~On the~~In other words ,...  
  
As you can see, the rest of your summary should also follow the above-mentioned feedback. I hope you can do better in the next practice :)
Nowadays, people tend more to get informed by their electronic devices from the internet, although it's argued that printed paper newspapers are not useful anymore. Personally I believe that printed newspaper still can be a valuable information source for many people.  
  
With all the variety that we know in ways of getting information, many people still consider printed paper newspapers a very unique way to be informed and getting news, the reason behind that is that printed paper newspapers are well organized and easy to read.  
  
Usually when you read news online its always a mess, a lot of ads are coming out from all the part of the webpage and it makes you lecture a nightmare, also many people tend to give up reading the article just because its long to follow or just because there is many next WebPages.  
  
Reading Printed paper newspaper is very unique, there is many sections for many kind of news and it informs you with all the news that you need during your days and its unnecessary to go online to look for other news during the day.  
  
Paper newspaper can be also a spiritual ritual for some families, for example its mandatory for me to have every morning my coffee in the balcony with my newspaper. the comics side is also present since you always can find one or two puzzle nearby.  
  
To conclude, printed paper newspaper is all in one place: no ads, easier to read in-depth than online and mental games. All of this makes paper newspaper an excellent product for everyone.  
  
\*\*\*\*\*\*I would be very happy to hear all your feedbacks\*\*\*\*\*  
\*\*\*\*\*\*the estimated score that i can get on this essay\*\*\*\*\*\*  
  
Thank youuu<b></b>
Hello, let me give my correction for you  
  
there ~~is~~are many (the word "many" indicate plural form, so need plural verb is "are")  
  
many ~~kind~~kinds of (the word "many" indicate plural form, so need plural verb is "are")  
  
informs you ~~with~~of all the news (the best preposition after "you" is "of")  
  
my coffee ~~in~~on the balcony (the best preposition after "my coffe" is "on")  
  
two ~~puzzle~~puzzles nearby (the word "two" indicate plural form, so need plural form of puzzle is "puzzles")  
  
thank you
Yurike, did you really finish reading the article that you decided to summarize? I don't believe that you did. This statement actually doesn't make sense. There are simply too many missing facts in your report for this summary to be informative or reflective of the original article. You do not have a proper topic sentence at the start of the essay which would have successfully introduced the central discussion topic. I am not even sure what the 30 day challenge is about in your summary mostly because you have long winded sentences that do not have any objective. It is almost as if you did not understand what you read so you just tried to come up with something for the summary, whether is was applicable or not. Whether it actually informed the reader or not. This is one of your worst summaries to date that I have read. I hope you will fully read the article again and try to write a more applicable summary report for it. This summary would not get a passing grade in any aspect of scoring consideration.
Hello Yurike, I think your summary is too shorter. Please make sure that minimum it contain 150 words. I hope you can doing it more seriously, because it will really improve your listening aspects. Actually in the last month, i often late to gather that daily assignment, (If you don't believe, ask miss ray, i usually gather it in the morning), but don't act like me, because i think you can gather it on time.  
  
Please also write down your TED Link, so the contributor and the other people who will correct you can know your reference for making summary.
The scientists make a research about coral around the island of Kiritimati and proved the coral about 85 percent was dead, 10 percent was sick and bleached, but only 5 per cent was doing okay. It occurred because of hot water phenomenon from El Nino. this is natural warming which sometimes occurred in the Pacific ocean and has the influence to change weather worldwide and also made global warming effect which coral damage in the sea. Meanwhile, the coral species are able to rebound and recover their life, but it still susceptible by El Nino threat, finally need to protect the coral with any natural systems.  
  
Source : New Scientist
Yurike, your grammar accuracy could use some work. Your thought process proves that you are thinking in your native language and then simply translating it to English. Which is why the correct information is found in your topic sentences and paragraphs, but are misplaced in the formation of the sentence. This affects the final presentation of your work and sometimes confuses the reader because we have to reorganize your sentence in our minds as we read it in order to make sense of your statement. You need to practice developing your English sentence structures using the online sentence structure tests. These practice tests will serve you well in learning to properly write your English sentences and help you to better form your paragraphs as well.
The scientists make a researchabout coral around the island of Kiritimati and proved the coral about 85 percent was dead, 10 percent was sick and bleached, but only 5 per cent was doing okay.  
  
THE SCIENTIST CONDUCT RESEARCH ON .............AND THE RESULT IS..........BUT ONLY 5 PERCENT IS IN GOOD CONDITION.  
  
It occurred because of hot water phenomenon from El Nino. >>> PASSIVE VOICE (S+be+v3) it is occured because.....EL NINO HOT WATER PHENOMENON  
  
... influence to change weather worldwide and also made global warming effect which ... . THIS SENTENCE IS TOO LONG YOU CAN DEVIDE BY 2 SENTENCE. YOU CAN MAKE NEW SENTENCE FROM WHOM I MARKED THE RED ONE.  
  
Meanwhile, the coral SINGULAR NEED VER SINGULAR species ~~are~~ IS able to rebound and...
Alfin, are you sure you have presented all of the information that is pertinent to the summary in your writing? Your essay is so short that as I read it, I can tell that you are lacking key explanations in your presentation. For example, you lack a proper introduction for Chris Anderson. Who is he? Why is he an authority when it comes to public speaking? Next, when you present the information about how to become a good speaker, you should have summarized the importance of each speaking trait so that the reader will know what function each action has in relation to becoming an effective public speaker. When you said that there is no formula to great public speaking, you contradicted your summary information because you already said that there are specific traits that create a good public speaker. A summary cannot present conflicting information. In all honesty, a 4 sentence summary can never be deemed as properly developed and an accurate reflection of the video information that you have been tasked to summarize.
hai alfin  
I have some suggestions for you  
hope it helps  
  
Chris Anderson~~,~~ gives many formulas<< be careful for singular of plural  
  
... become a good speaker~~s~~ .  
  
First, communicate properly, secondly ... <<< (firstly, secondly / first, second)  
  
There is no single formula ~~for~~being a great talk, let it flow and ~~influence~~interact with the audience. Everyone can ~~became~~become << (modal + V1 ) a good speaker if ...  
  
thanks
Hi Alfin, don't you think this particular TED summary is too short?  
I believe so. I think the elements of the talk is not seen and not evident at all in your summary essay, therefore, I advise you to go over the TED talk one more time and revise your summary.  
  
Now, don't get me wrong, you can definitely write something short out of a TED talk, but not like this, regardless of the length of the essay, you should be able to showcase all the necessary information needed in the essay and all the information that is relevant to the talk.  
  
Moreover, the talk is very interesting, it says the "secret to great public speaking", I believe it is a very good topic to talk about and for sure, the speaker has a lot to say about it. Now, don't get e wrong, you have what it takes to write and you have proven this in a lot of your writing, however, you should not lay low in your writing, it should always be something worth publishing and remember, in this day and age, whatever we publish on the internet will forever be linked to us, so make sure that every single post is with utmost importance and worth to be shared to our readers and to the rest of the world wide web.
Chris Anderson**, give****many formula** for all people to become **a good speakers.**  
**SEVERE PROBLEMS IN ACCURACY  
\*punctuation  
\*singular plural issue**  
-->Chris Anderson gives[or in this case 'GAVE' since it was delivered when he presented speech on TED TALK, or HAS GIVEN as there is no clear information about time given and it still has an effect till now]many formulas/formulae for all people in order to become a good speaker  
  
~~First,~~the first thing you need to do is communicate properly, **[full stop]**  
secondly **[need comma]** build your ideas and make your audience ~~curiosity~~**curious**~~and~~**then** guess what will you ~~speaking~~**say** next.  
....., **let it flowS and influenceS** the audience. Everyone can ~~became~~**become** a good speaker if they are confident to speak.  
  
**even from a very short summary of yours, I can find many issues. you really need to concern on your writing, particularly for its accuracy**
The illustration depicts the natural process of water cycle. Overall, it is noticeable that there are three main processes in this diagram; evaporation, rain, and water running back to the sea.  
  
To begin with, owing to the sun's heat, evaporation process occurs from two main places; the sea which stores water, and lakes and rivers. In addition, transpiration from plants and trees also happens because of heat of the sun. After that, the result of evaporation and transpiration becomes invisible water vapor which is brought by wind. The higher wind carries out, the cooler vapor is, then cloud being formed. The next stage is when rain falls because clouds are much cooler.  
  
Turning to the next stage, water from rain, then, flows on the river and some passes into the porous rock being ground water which flows into lakes, rivers, and seas. Afterwards water from river flows into the sea.  
  
*   
*water cycle*
by reading your essay, it is evident that you have such an enhanced skill on writing as you deliver an essay that free from major errors and only presented very few minor errors. it has emphasized that you have a good control in accuracy. However, I can conclude that you still have a problem on writing at ideal length on a given time, around 20 minutes. we know that you should write at least 150 words there while your essay is exactly composed of 150 words which is too risky. you need to practice to write fast either think fast of what you would deliver on your essay.  
  
if you have a problem on the length of your writing, on this case too short, you may write too efficient or just simply do not covers all the main/interesting facts and ideas of the question/diagram.  
  
here some alternatives to lengthen your summary:  
  
evaporation process occurs from two main places; the sea which stores water, and lakes and rivers. In addition, transpiration from plants and trees also happens  
**you may need to mention where the plant and trees grow as the third site of evaporation process**  
  
The next stage is when rain falls because clouds are much cooler.  
**where the rain usually falls down?particularly shown by the diagram**  
  
Afterwards water from river flows into the sea.  
**need to mention that all those water flows are naturally accumulated/stored in the sea**  
  
**GOOD LUCK FOR YOUR NEXT WRITING**
**More and more people are relying on the private car as their major means of transportation.  
Describe some of the problems overreliance on cars can cause, and suggest at least one possible solution.**  
  
It is argued that citizens are more conveniently travelling by their private cars. As the consequence, a number of problems appear, such as traffic congestion and air pollution, and those require effective measures immediately. One of the alternatives which can be taken into account is no one entering the city centre in certain times, in exception by using public transport.  
  
The majority of people complain about cars hampering in the main street during peak hours every day. This is because those means inhibit residents from reaching their offices or schools on time. In my personal experience, I am always trapped in the road for hours with cohort of employees since the bus cannot run faster during the journey. As the result, frequently I come late to my first class in the morning.  
  
The fact that overwhelming of private vehicles deteriorates global warming is undeniably true. Certainly, a car emits more emission, particularly carbon dioxide, than public transport. The long-term research of Harvard University reveals that one automobile releases ten tonnes CO2 per year, confirming that pollution resulted from private vehicles is the primary cause of global warming.  
  
In my opinion, the government should restrict the number of owned cars in the road by introducing car free day. This attempt has been proven successful in several cities in the world. For instance, in Japan, after establishing that no car allowed travel to the city in Monday from 07.00 to 11.00 am, there has been a significant decline of gas emissions since 2010.  
  
To sum up, I have a tendency to think that the more use of private cars, the more problems of congestion and global warming. Therefore, it is essential that the authorities cut off the number of those by establishing car free day.
... taken into account is no ~~one~~**private car/no one using their own car** entering ......, in exception ~~by using~~**for** public **transportS / FOR THOSE USING PUBLIC TRANSPORTS** .  
  
It is argued ......... using public transport.  
**Apart from your well developed paragraph, you never emphasized or even mention that it is because the massive number of private cars, so you delivered a vague explanation in which readers should find by their selves the correlation of this paragraph with others or with the question given**  
  
The fact that **AN** overwhelming **NUMBER**of private vehicles deteriorates ......  
Certainly, a **PRIVATE/SELF-OWNED** car emits more emission.......than public transport **does**.  
This **attemptS** has been proven ......  
... decline of gas emissions since 2010 **[LOCALLY OR GLOBALLY? to give strong statement you should say is the benefits for Japan only or this local measurement has greatly affected the earth].**  
  
... that the authorities **SHOULD** cut off the number of those ...  
  
\***I glad to say that it is enjoyable to read your writing. You delivered such a well-development essay by also using some less or sophisticated vocabulary. However, please concern about my suggestion or correction and work through it as I hope these can help you to enhance your work. Good Luck**
The illustration depicts the information about natural loop of frog's life. Overall, there are four main stages which are occurring naturally, beginning with eggs to be the adult frog and the whole process begins again.  
  
Initially, the eggs which are laid on the water surface come to form an embryo. After development period, an embryo becomes a tadpole, a baby frog. The tadpole has long tail and lives in the water by gill breathing.  
  
Turning to the next step, the tadpole begins to change. It starts to grow hind legs, which are soon followed with forelegs. Tadpole's tail becomes smaller and it starts breathing with pulmonary, and preparing the frog for its life on land. Over the time, the tadpole has become even more frog-like. The tail becomes much smaller, and the legs grow. After that, tadpole frog becomes adult frog where the legs are developed and the tail has vanished.  
  
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Hi Bung, below are my thoughts on your analysis essay.  
  
- ... the information ~~about~~on natural loop of a frog's life.  
- ... four main stages ~~which are occurring~~that occurs naturally,  
- ~~beginning~~it begins with the eggs to ~~be~~ the adult frog and ...  
  
- ... which are laid on the ~~water~~ surface of the water~~come to form~~becomes an embryo.  
- ~~After development period, an~~An embryo becomes a ...  
- ... and lives in the water, using their gills to breath~~by gill breathing~~ .  
  
There you have it Bung, I hope the above remarks are useful to your revision and for future writing reference, you need to work on your sentence construction and be very careful in associating your words as this will affect the overall outcome of the essay.
... natural loop of a frog's life.  
... main stages ~~which are~~ occurring naturally, beginning ...  
  
After ~~development period~~several times , ~~an~~th e embryo becomes  
... and lives in the water ~~by~~using gill for breathing.  
  
Tadpole's tail becomes smaller ~~and it starts~~with starting to breath~~breathing~~ with pulmonary, ...  
... and the legs grow up . After that, the tadpole frog becomes adult frog ~~where~~which the legs are ...
The maps reveal the information about the alteration land in the city of the United States in the course of sixty two-year started in 1948. Overall, it was essential to bear in mind that residence and local market were changed into factory located in the northwest of the canal, while the church transform into the stadium in the southeast of the river.  
  
As we can see in the southwest of the river, there was no alteration regarding the residential house. Interestingly, stadium took over the church's position particularly located in the south of the canal.  
  
Turning to the northwest of the river, the six settlements were reconstructed by two commercial buildings. Meanwhile, the industrial areas are demolished and replaced with two regions such as airport and also three commercial areas. Although the supermarket covered with the apartment, this facility had been relocated in front of the petrol station.  
  
* 
*
Hi Riandi, below are a few thoughts for your analysis.  
  
- ... the information ~~about~~on the alteration of land in the city of  
- ... the course of sixty two-years  
- ~~started~~starting~~in~~ 1948.  
- Overall, ~~it was essential to bear in mind that~~the residence  
- and the local market were changed  
- into a factory located in ...  
- while the church is transformed into ~~the~~a stadium in the ...  
  
- As we can see, in the southwest of the river,  
- there ~~was~~is no alteration  
- Interestingly, the stadium took over the church's  
- position which is particularly located in ...  
  
There you have it Riandi, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and as usual, I would like you to practice on your editing skills, therefore, I left a few sentences for you to be able to proof read and edit, following the samples above.
... the information ~~about~~regarding the alteration land (...) of sixty two-year, (put comma here) started in 1948. Overall, it ~~was~~is essential to bear (...) while the church ~~transform~~transformed into the stadium ...  
  
As we can see ,(put comma here) in the southwest ...  
  
... are demolished and ~~replaced~~constructed with ~~two region~~public facilities such as airport ...  
... had been relocated ~~in front of~~ across from ...
Unfortunately, there is a problem with the site and i am not able to attach an image.  
  
Also, i think the main problem of the report is that, there are not enough compares between the museums - i am interested to read your thoughts on the report.  
  
The bar chart reveals the information in regard to the number of people who attended 3 London museums in the period between 2007 and 2011. Overall, the peak of tourists who visited the museums was observed in 2012.  
  
In 2007, the most visited museum was the Victoria and Albert, which has been attended by approximately 14 milion people. The lowest number of tourists was experienced by the National Gallery , with only 6 million visits throughout the year, whereas the British museum has been visited by twice as much tourists. In the next two years the number of visits in the National Gallery increased by 2 million people and in 2010, the figure hit 11 million attendance per year. The amount of visits in the Victoria and Albert museum has decreased significantly since 2007 and in 2010 only 6 million people attended the museum. The figure of the British museum dropped dramatically in 2008, but in the following 2 years the number of visits started slowly to rise.  
  
In the last couple of years, an increasing patterns were observed in the all 3 museums. The figure of the National Gallery hit its peak in 2012, when more that 15 million tourists attended the museum. At the Victoria and Albert museum, even though the exceed was not as dramatic as in the National Gallery, the number of visitors went up by 3 million in just 2 years. The increasing trend at the British museum continued and in 201214 million tourists visited the institution.  
  
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*Museums compare*