dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The original presentation uses the word "seem", which means that the claim is questionable. Therefore, you should not be making the restatement as a fact. Always follow the format of the original presentation which, in this case, is a question rather than a factual opinion. You are in effect, offering an opinion where none is asked for and creating a different slant for the topic presentation in the process. That will affect your TA score in terms of prompt restatement accuracy. Your failure to respond directly to the prompt questions created a different discussion slant in the presentation. This means your restatement is not related to the question being asked. There are 2 questions, neither of which you properly outlined a response to. Therefore, your TA score will not achieve the passing mark for the preliminary scoring consideration.  
  
The reference to "ancient times" is improper in this case. We are only talking of the 20th century, which was only 21 years ago, definitely not "ancient" in "time" consideration. Choose your words carefully. Remember that word accuracy counts towards your LR, GRA, and C&C scores. Just because it sounds appropriate does not mean the word is used in the proper context. Improper word usage affects the clarity and appropriateness of your presentation.  
  
The last part of the essay, the impact on the relationship is not responded to in the proper manner in this essay You have mentioned the discussion point as the conclusion of the essay. The presentation should have been as the 2nd to the last paragraph of the essay. This is a 4 paragraph essay as required, but your presentation does not offer the summary of discussion in the last paragraph as expected. So the essay cannot be considered to have been presented in the proper format. Next time use the last paragraph as the summary presentation. That is standard for all the Task 2 essay presentations, regardless of whether it is a 4 or 5 paragraph discussion presentation.
## statistics data in regard of art galleries visitors

  
  
The bar chart illustrates the number who came to art galleries in six countries in the year 2011.  
Overall, it is clear that the art galleries and museums can be split in tow groups: those with high rates of visitors, and others with lower numbers of tourists. While the biggest visitors to these destinations were who went to the Louvre, the least of this number was the State Hermitage.  
  
During 2011, nearly 9 million tourists paid to visit the Louvre (Paris). The second most popular museums was the Metropolitan Museum in the USA with 6 million visitors. Besides, about 5,8 million people were attracted by the British Museum.  
  
However, the number who have a visit to the National Museum of Korea was just above 3,1, followed closely by this rate of Museo del Prado. The figure for visitors to this Spanish museum was only half of that of British Museum. And the Russian museum - the State Hermitage was the least popular destination of six museums when it just attracted under 3 million people.
It is difficult to review this report properly because of the missing image. I rely on the image to help review the accuracy of your discussion presentation and instruction adherence. While you did present more than the minimum word count. I do not sense a complete discussion analysis in your presentations. There are no true comparison points presented between the 6 countries. You are relying merely on direct information presentation, which means you did not really analyze the image, although you tried to make it sound that way. A truly analyzed presentation would have between 3-5 sentences in each paragraph, not just 2 sentences. You are also starting one sentence using a conjunction. You do know that you are not supposed to do that right? It is against English academic writing rules. A conjunction is used to connect 2 thoughts or information in a sentence. So this will be seen as a GRA violation and will affect your GRA score.
## The Global Problem of Obesity

  
  
Obesity is now a major global epidemic. What can be done to tackle this increasingly common problem?  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  
Write at least 250 words.  
  
In today's world, our lives have become very sedentary, in the homes and even at our work places. This is why obesity has become very rampant. Easily available fast foods is a huge factor as well as our total dependency on technology such that we can do our jobs, communicate with our loved ones and shop online in the comfort of our homes. This also means that there is a minimal amount of physical activities carried out daily. Healthy eating and more exercises will go a long way in curbing this serious issue.  
  
Foods that contain abundance of fat are incredibly addictive. Substituting them for healthy meals feel like punishments initially but health enthusiasts say that abs are made in the kitchen, that is, foods consumed make up to 80% of what is needed to lose weight. Weight loss is difficult to achieve but taking it step by step will aid in combating obesity. Making deliberate efforts to take a walk every hour will help sedentary workers stay active all day. For example, the Fitbit app alerts users to take a break to walk 250 steps every hour.  
  
Parents can help their children by ensuring that they play outside instead of being on computers, playing video games or watching television all day. Meanwhile, Government should understand that this epidemic is growing out of proportion and thus heavily tax fast food chains and help farmers produce fresh fruits and vegetables.  
  
In conclusion, our sedentary lifestyles and readily availability of fast foods have greatly increased the risk of obesity, however, making bold choices to choose healthy foods and increase in physical activities will help to combat being overweight. Additionally, government giving concessions to farmers will help in ensuring that fruits and vegetables are available to all.
The TA score for the first paragraph is always based on the accuracy of your restatement. As such, you are not to present any opinions of your own such as:  
  
- In today's world, our lives have become very sedentary, in the homes and even at our work places.  
- Easily available fast foods i... carried out daily.  
  
These 2 pieces of information are not required nor a part of the original presentation. These remove the accuracy of your prompt restatement as these are personal opinions that should be discussed in the 2 reasoning paragraphs. The less accurate your prompt restatement is, the more unlike the original your information representation is, the lesser you will be scored due to 2 possible reasons:  
  
- inappropriate restatement format  
- Irrelevant response to the given prompt  
  
Either errors applied to your score will result in a less than passing TA score for you. A more appropriate restatement would have been:  
  
*Due to the international outbreak of fatness, it has become all the important to address this growing concern. In order to arrest this situation certain steps can be taken by both the public and the government. The public could help solve the issue by ... While the government can implement...*  
  
Always outline your discussion topics because this will help the examiner assess your degree of English comprehension skills and vocabulary resource. The reasoning paragraphs will then be easier for you to write because you know exactly what you will be discussing in each paragraph, rather than using a redundant discussion as you did in this essay. Never start your opinion discussion in the restatement paragraph, that is what causes the lack of clarity and problem in discussion development in the actual reasoning paragraphs.  
  
The conclusion must never contain additional discussion information. There is a reason that is called the reverse paraphrase. That part of the test forces you to show your LR and GRA skills as you are made to summarize the original prompt and reasoning paragraphs in this section, to bring the discussion to a close. If you introduce new information, you instead create an open ended discussion, which can affect your TA score.
Although you have included relevant examples from experience that are apt on a more individual level, you should look at more examples that have been successful to curb obesity globally. This needs to be researched and incorporated in the essay. I believe it would make your prompt stronger and well researched. Here are some examples I could think of :  
  
1. Tax- Countries have implemented tax on fattening foods- you might want to look at this and see if something like this was effective  
2. Food Labels- There are policies in countries around labels to help consumers understand what they're eating  
3. Education and communication strategies: Any educational interventions that have been successful in preventing obesity.
## the percentage of people who ate five portions of fruit and vegetables per day

  
  
The bar graph illustrates the proportion of people who had a habit of eating five portions of fruit and vegetables every day in the United Kingdom between 2001 and 2008. On the whole, English women consumed the largest amount of fresh fruit and vegetables, followed by men as the second. Having eaten the smallest amount of fruit and vegetables, children accounted for the smallest percentage throughout the whole period.  
  
In England, the figure for women rose gradually from about 21% in 2001 to approximately 30% in 2005 before reaching a peak at 34% in 2006. From this point, there was a slight drop by just under five percent in the next two years.  
  
In terms of men and children eating five portions of fruits and vegetable, the two categories had a tendency to remain unchanged in the first three years of the period, then grow gradually from 2004 to 2007 before experiencing a slight fall at the end of the period. 2006 and 2007 was the year that men consumed the largest amount of fruit and vegetables at a rate of roughly 28%, whilst for children it was just in 2007 with the peak at 25%. As was the case for men, the proportion of children eating fruit and vegetables was lowest in 2001, 2002 and 2003.  
  
*
Your first paragraph depicted an accurate summary of the information from the image. You also properly identified the graph that was used in the presentation. This is one of the better summary overviews I have read so far at this forum. However, the presentation that you used in the summary overview did not carry over in accuracy and clarity in the next paragraphs.  
  
Though you used the correct 3 paragraph presentation for this report, you created run on sentences in both the remaining paragraphs. This made it difficult to follow the accuracy of your data presentation for the remainder of the data listing. In the second paragraph, you need to have done at least another sentence analysis to have helped in the presentation of accurate information and a proper comparison of the given data.  
  
In the last paragraph, you relied solely on commas to separate your presentations. There is a lack of punctuation usage in this particular paragraph to show that you can clearly present information using various sentence formations (simple and complex). An over reliance on the use of a comma results in run-on sentence presentations which tend to blur the information presented as you try to compress 2 separate information presentations into one sentence. The analysis in this section was a bit confusing to follow as you were constantly presenting information for the men and children within the same sentence. These should have been separated in paragraph form. In fact, you could have used the presentation for the men in the second paragraph, to use as a comparison with the women, rather than the children. A comparison between adults is more logical as the data presentation would be somewhat similar or uniform as compared to adult v. kids information comparisons.
+**Here is the topic:**  
***Some people feel that the design of newly constructed buildings in big cities should be controlled by governments. Others believe those who finance the construction of a building should be free to design it as they see fit.***  
  
## Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

  
  
+ **And here is my answer:**  
In the new era of technology, there are more and more newly constructed buildings in urban designed by qualified and prestigious architecture. Urbanization causes a mass effect on the environment, by doing that, some people argued that the designation of new buildings in cities should be controlled in order to protect the environment. Others said that the construction of a building should be controlled by those who invested in it. I agree with the primary argument and I am going to discuss the detailed reason in the following essay.  
  
On the one hand, why do government should take over the designation of a building? As I mentioned before, new buildings bring about a negative effect on the environment. It costs a great deal of money and materials to build a construction, materials have to be exploited and delivered - the process which could produce carbon dioxide. Governments take over in designing a building can help reduce the costs and materials, and to create an appropriate construction for society, because different communities have different culture and cognition.  
  
On the other hand, some people believe those who finance in constructing a building should take the responsibility for designation. People believe that there are no other people who can do that work efficiently because they are the ones who started the building and provided a stable source of money for constructing a building, if not to say that they 'own' that building.  
  
However, every community has its law and order, and not every building with different designs are legal and environmentally friendly. These days, global warming and greenhouse gases are the major problems around the globe, which urbanization contributes to this negative effect. So it is really essential for governments to control newly constructed buildings and enact new laws in designing a building in order to preserve natural resources and reduce greenhouse gases such as carbon dioxide.  
  
In conclusion, governments need to control the design of newly constructed buildings because of environmental problems and societal purposes. Governments should not let a building constructed by individuals but by councils, it is the best option and has to do for us now.  
  
P/s: Please help me evaluate this writing! I would really appreciate any helps.
The first sentence in your presentation does not make sense. It is trying to be impressive in presentation by using a complex presentation of words, that probably make sense in your mother tongue, but does not make sense, nor does it relate to the original prompt. It is a throw away sentence that did not help your prompt restatement. A clear prompt restatement focuses on 3 sentences that deliver the following only:  
  
- The topic for the discussion  
- Involved points of view or reasons for the discussion  
- The thesis statement composed of 2 points of view = personal opinion (for this essay)  
  
There is no need for the flowery opening sentences that do not move the essay forward. Rather, these irrelevant sentences tend to blur the meaning of the presentation and discussion in general. Focus on what matters, that is, the original prompt. There is no need to add anything to make the presentation more elaborate. You are scored on clarity first and foremost. Anything else you add removes the original concentration of the presentation and eliminates the clarity of your restatement.  
  
Avoid using rhetorical questions in your presentation. That creates a prompt deviation that is not covered by the original prompt instead of presenting information based on the discussion requirements presented, you created a prompt deviation that will score you lower in the overall consideration. That is because you are presenting information that is not part of the original prompt. While your discussion is complex and truly analyzed, that prompt deviation in the first reasoning paragraph will be a huge drawback in your final scoring presentation due to the change in discussion topic that you applied for not reason.  
  
You over discussed, over presented, exaggerated, and debated in an essay that only required a simplified discussion presentation within 5 comparative discussion paragraphs. You wrote too many words for 40 minute presentation and failed to actually consider the overall discussion requirements in the presentation.
*EVERY YEAR SEVERAL LANGUAGES DIE OUT. SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT THIS IS NOT IMPORTANT BECAUSE LIFE WILL BE EASIER IF THERE ARE FEWER LANGUAGES IN THE WORLD.*  
  
## TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH THIS OPINION?

  
  
With the development of globalization, non-dominated languages are being neglected and gradually drift away in history. However, the benefits of having a fewer number of languages still outweigh the disadvantages. I generally agree with this statement, and three main reasons will be addressed in the essay.  
  
If there are fewer languages in the world, the influence of language barriers among humans will reduce. People just need to learn certain languages, then they could communicate with people all around the world. It means that all kind related to translation costing can decrease. Because many businessmen do not need to pay this kind of fee again; the prices of purchases they sought are likely cheaper. The effect could not only benefits buyers but also motivate the transactions of countries. As the transactions in countries are activated; then, the government will have more tax money to strengthen the countries themselves.  
  
Moreover, without language barberries, people could communicate more effectively. Citizens can share and exchange information faster and easier. It could minimize the fake news and misunderstanding between countries cause by intransparent information. Moreover, citizens can inspect their government more effectively, because they could get more information from believable news by other languages to find out the truth once their governments want to hidden somethings. This is the way to prevent corruption and dictatorship which can promote human quality.  
  
Some people are argued that the culture of minor language will die out along with the non-dominated languages. I consider that this is a trend that we could not avoid. What we could do is to record the language and write down the history to perverse the language by our utmost for afterward languages specialists and those who interest people to have resources to search on.  
  
In summary, having fewer languages in the world can accelerate the development of countries and reduced inequality. It benefits humans all around the world.  
  
This is my first time to do iets writing, please help me:)
You gave the right discussion topic but the wrong reason in your prompt restatement. For comparison purposes:  
  
OT: EVERY YEAR SEVERAL LANGUAGES DIE OUT.  
YT: With the development of globalization, non-dominated languages are being neglected and gradually drift away in history.  
  
The original topic has nothing to do with the globalization of languages. You have created a different discussion topic from the original. There will be a TA deduction applied.  
  
OR: SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT THIS IS NOT IMPORTANT BECAUSE LIFE WILL BE EASIER IF THERE ARE FEWER LANGUAGES IN THE WORLD.  
YR: the benefits of having a fewer number of languages still outweigh the disadvantages.  
  
Another TA deduction due to incorrect reasoning representation. Your prompt restatement does not reflect the original prompt requirements. Therefore, you have created your own discussion topic, which resulted in a prompt deviation. Your TA will receive a failing score and prevent you from receiving an overall passing score at the end of the scoring total.  
  
The reasoning overview in your prompt restatement could have saved your TA score a little bit if you had listed the 3 reasons for your "general agreement" with the given statement. In effect, the examiner has no idea if you actually understood the original discussion presentation and just made a mistake in the restatement, or if you totally did not have an understanding of the topic. That is why it is important to outline the discussion topics as you would in a thesis statement. In this case, there was no way of saving your TA score due to the incorrect rephrasing and lack of topic outline that could have shown a relation to the original discussion.  
  
Your 1st reasoning discussion tend to deviate from the original discussion as well. What does tax money have to do with languages? Nothing. Not in the sense that the original prompt required. Your 2nd reasoning is somewhat related to the discussion so the presentation is acceptable.  
  
You are not really outlining your discussion points before making a proper draft discussion. The third paragraph continues your prompt deviation discussion, which will further decrease your chances of even getting near to a passing score. Then your conclusion is less than 40 words or 3 sentences, another TA problem that will pull down your score. I have not even gotten into your GRA, C&C, and LR problems with this essay and already you have managed to fail the test.  
  
I know this is your first try at writing this essay. Which is why I am direct to the point when it comes to your errors. Most first timers always neglect to appropriately follow the TA requirements of the essay, which is why the presentation always fails. You need to better understand, through proper analysis of the original prompt, how the discussion essay should flow. The outline I used above is something that can help you achieve a proper TA score to at least, get your writing off to a passing score start.
## cultural activities THAT THE SCOTTISH ARE LOVING

  
  
The table compares the participation of adult Scots in six different cultural activities from three main age groups and the data is given in percentages.  
  
It can be seen that the most favorite activity for young adults (16-24) and older individuals (25-44) was performance including singing, dancing, playing music and acting with 35% and 22%, respectively. Meanwhile, those people aged 45 to 74 were likely to be most attracted by crafts, 22% out of the total, two times the corresponding figure in the youngest group. Moreover, the biggest difference was observed in the categories of visual arts and writing, where attendance for the 16-25 age group was nearly two to three times greater than the older ones.  
  
On an average scale, performance and crafts reached the highest rates of participation at all ages, at 22% and 19%, by turn, while writing and computer-based activities stayed as the least common choice  
  
Overall, the level of participation in cultural activities was relatively dependent on people's ages.