dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Writing Task 2  
***Studying with a group of students in a classroom is more beneficial than learning online at home.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
It is sometimes argued that learning in groups in a classroom has more advantages than studying online at home. From my perspective, I partially agree with this idea because while group studying might help schoolchildren in terms of social and personal development, taking online courses can save people's money and reduce their chances of contracting many diseases.  
  
Face-to-face communication is deemed to be the greatest benefit of group studying. It is shown in some scientific research that communication in person enables children to build relationships, boost effectiveness, and enhance trust and credibility. Furthermore, studying in a group can help schoolchildren accelerate their learning as a student can help others when they have difficulties understanding something that he/she does understand.  
  
Despite the lack of face-to-face communication, studying online still has various benefits. Firstly, parents can save money as they can cut down on school bus service fees or reduce the amount of used gasoline if they carry their children to school by personal vehicles. Secondly, children can avoid traffic jams which is a time-consuming and harmful problem. For instance, particularly in Vietnam, heavy traffic and carbon footprints from all sources of vehicles are associated with each other which consequently have negative impacts on children's health. Finally, due to the reduction of face-to-face communication, children can minimize the ability to contract infectious diseases through close contact.  
  
In conclusion, I do believe that both learning in groups at school and studying online at home have their merits. While learning at school can help children develop many personal and social skills, studying at home seems to be a reliable solution in terms of finance and health.
Well, this isn't really an argument as it is a difference of opinions or points of view. So to say that "it is argued" may be viewed as incorrect by the examiner. The reference point to the discussions must never be exaggerated as it changes the discussion slant of the original prompt. Examiners tend to score down sensationalist references in essays.  
  
It is not really advisable to use a "partially agree" reference for your measured extent response as there is no partial discussion possible for this essay. Why is that? It is a single opinion essay. A partial agreement makes the scoring for "clarity of opinion" lower because your opinion is neither in support nor not in support of the discussion. It says you don't have an opinion. That is why you are asked for a measured response. A better method of responding would have been:  
  
*While there are benefits to studying online, I tend to lend my full support to the idea that in - school teaching offers more gains to the students.*  
  
Such a response statement is clear, definite in opinion presentation, and lays the strong groundwork for a singular opinion defense in two paragraphs. This also makes it easier for you to develop a better discussion or reasoning paragraph because, as is always the case, it is easier to present a fully developed support for one reason than it is to create a strong comparative argument without supporting a clear opinion.  
  
In your presentation, your first reason was strong, but under explained. That is because, rather than fully explaining the scientific research, you just mentioned it, then mentioned another reason, without explaining the second reason fully. This created an under developed paragraph based on 2 improperly presented reasoning topics. There is no connection between the two that could have increased the C&C score. Then, you went on to defend the second opinion, without clearly explaining the reasons using properly developed examples to support it either. It is just a series of topics lacking in a definite defense. These are the reasons why this extent essay must always be a single opinion defense. Use 2 reasons that support a single opinion in 2 separate paragraphs, you should see the difference and strength in the position you wrote about using that method. You can definitely score better using it.
## The two maps show how the island change after the construction of some tourist facilities.

  
In general, the construction creates a new appearance for the island. First of all, the first map shows that the island used to have only some trees and have no sign of human living there. The island is huge with the length of approximately 250 metres.  
  
It is clear that the island changes totally after being rebuilt. We can easily see that there are two areas of accommodations, one is located nearby the sea, the other is in the centre. Between them is a restaurant and a reception which surrounded by vehicle track. There is also a pier with yatches for tourists to transport. The beach is also used for swimming.  
  
In short, the island has significiant changes which support the human's demand. It will be good for tourism
This presentation will receive an automatic failing score for the following reasons:  
- Insufficient word count (minimum of 150)  
- Improper formatting of the essay ( 3 paragraph minimum)  
  
For writing only 129 words, the essay will receive a word deduction penalty for the missing 21 words. Since this will be done in percentage form, the TA score will start at a failing level. Then, the missing complete paragraph formatting will be an additional percentage deduction since the paragraphs do not meet the appropriate 3 paragraph requirement.  
  
Due to the lack of image, I will be unable to review the essay for content accuracy. I also cannot review the essay for other possible errors due to insufficient information provided. Kindly remember to upload the images next time. It is a requirement for task 1 reviews. It is impossible to review your essay beyond the basics without it.
Q:  
## Millions of dollars are spent on space research every year.

  
***Some people argue that the money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth. Do you agree or disagree?***  
  
A:  
Tremendous amount of money is being spent on scientific studies. And the biggest portion of this money is given to space researchers. It is disagreed that the money should be spent on improving the quality of life on Earth, instead of space research. This will be proven by analyzing the importance of discoveries in this area and grading living standards.  
  
The results of recent scientific researches of other planets changed the way humanity thinks of space. For example, NASA's robot found icebergs on poles of Mars, despite the fact that theory of Mars once having atmosphere that could be ideal for living had not been possible to be proven till that moment. If millions of dollars were not spent on space research, none of discoveries like this would be done. Thus it can not be said that amount of money spent on space research should be stripped down.  
  
Quality of life on Earth is increasing every year. This is very apparent when international research centres publish annual reports, according to which the number of people suffering from hunger or poverty is decreasing steadily. After analyzing this, it is clear that living standards on Earth are being improved without additional money.  
  
Following the analysis of results of works done by space researchers and increasing quality of life on Earth, it can be clearly seen that the quantity of money given to each area is fair. Further, it is expected that high living standards will allow government to spent more money on space research in order to discover new aspects of our space and colonize other planets. (265 words)
You are not being on point or direct in your restatement of the original prompt. Do not insert subjects or topics that do not relate to the original presentation such as "scientific studies". You are altering the discussion focus when you do that. you should simply restate the original topic in the first sentence, just as it was placed in the original. Never start a sentence with a connecting word such as "and". you can only use that word in a sentence as a connector so either after a comma, or to connect two related words in a presentation sentence. You are being asked for your opinion in the presentation but you are giving a general point of view statement instead. The first person pronoun usage is required in such a presentation. So use the word "I" to represent your opinion, since a general opinion is not required.  
  
The essay is missing a concluding paraphrase. You offered 4 paragraphs and over 250 words (see how I used the word "and" there?) but, did not offer a summary of the discussion as a conclusion. Instead, you continued the discussion with little developed presentation in the paragraph, which created an under developed open-ended paragraph. There will be point deductions for the improper closing of this essay as it does not follow the required format for the discussion presentation.
Please give me some comments on my essay. Thank you very much!  
  
***The graph below shows the differences in wheat exports over the three different areas.***  
## Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

  
  
The above given graph provides information about the changes in exporting wheat from 3 countries through 15 years. As can be seen, the number of wheat exports in Canada had a downward trend when in Australia the tonnes of wheat exports fluctuated and European Community showed an increase.  
  
From 1985 to 1986, there is marginally drop exporting wheat in Canada, by 20 million tonnes to 17 million tonnes. However, the next 20 years witnessed an enormously increase to 25 million tonnes. Canada reached the highest point in 1988, it is also the largest wheat exports in three areas from 1985 to 1990. On the contrary, the number of wheat exports waved dramatically between 25 million tonnes and 15 million tonnes. As the same time, the amount of European Community's exports witnessed a gradually reduction, started at 19 million tonnes to 14.5 million tonnes, and then climbed to 21 million tonnes in 1990. The year 1990 recorded change in the number of wheat exports compared to 1988, when European Community is the top choice to import wheat in other countries. 15 million tonnes were exported from Australia in 1985, and it showed an upward trend in 1986 to 19 million tonnes but then decreased nearly 10 million tonnes from 1987 to 1990.  
  
*
The suggested number of words for this writing task is 150-190 words. There are only 20 minutes for the task which requires you to completely draft, revise, review, edit, review, then finalize the paper before submission. You have to review the paper at least twice to make sure you meet the requirements of the task. In this case, you obviously failed to properly format the paper because you only have 2 paragraphs instead of the normal and required 3 paragraph format for the presentation. What good is writing a lot of words if you will receive more points deductions for improper task completion right?  
  
There is no need to indicate the position of the image. You are to help the reader create a mental image using descriptive words throughout this task presentation. A more identifiable image reference would have been better (The line graph provided...) Insufficient data is presented in the summary. It is missing the summary of information sentence between the identification of the image and the trending statement.  
  
The information about the European community should have been a separate paragraph since it carries more information. It indicates a change in the graph information so you could have used that as the third paragraph to complete the formatting presentation. Actually, the better presentation format would have been to group the information by years so that you have 2 clear sets of related and comparative information. The first set would be 1985,1986, 1987 and the second set would have been 1988,1989, 1990.Clearly separating the information by group year would have made the presentation clearer, easier to follow, and more memorable to the reader. I see that you tried to do it in this presentation, but seem to have gotten confused as to how to properly do it. Next time, mention the exact years rather than saying "20 years" and the like. Definite statements score better than glossed over information.
***Some people think that organizing international sports events is good for the host country while others think it is bad.***  
## Discuss both views and state your opinion.

  
  
People have different views about whether it is unnecessary for nations to be the host of some global events relating to sports, or organizing these events is better for them. Personally, I am in agreement with the latter view, even though the other one also shows some obvious advantageous points.  
  
The option to not become the host of the sporting events is attractive for several reasons. Regarding the economy, countries which organize the international events such as Olympics, FIFA World Cup have to pay a huge sum of money for building new or renovating existing sports facilities. Consequently, such investments probably make some fields of daily life, especially education, hospital system and healthcare suffer from a heavy burden because of the lack of funds. Another issue is that foreign people flocking to the host country are likely to negatively impact on the society. Some criminals and terrorists can take advantage of the massive movement, the crowd and sporting matches for illegal purposes.  
  
However, I believe it is more beneficial to be the place where sports tournaments are organized. One of the evident advantages is that when a world-class event is held in a country, it will build the reputation and dignity, which increases the profile of tourism and even politics. For instance, in 2018, Russia, which was the host of FIFA World Cup, was always splashed in headlines across all the newspapers, websites and also visited by millions of tourists. As a result, Russia's economy was boosted strongly and it has been a popular tourist destination until now. Finally, the host country is assured of having a legacy of improved sporting venues which cater to its residents' sports and physical activities.  
  
In conclusion, while there are several consequences of organising sports tournaments, it seems to be that it is vital to become the host country for some positive reasons.
There is a lack of clarity in your topic and reasoning sentence presentation. You mentioned the topic as, "global events relating to sports or organizing...", but, referred to the reasons simply as "people have different views", rather than stating the individual reasons as indicated in the original prompt. These 2 sentences go hand in hand when the examiner considers the coherence and clarity of the restated prompt. It is going to be difficult to get a good C&C score when your representation of the original discussion is not clearly presented in your version of the facts. Your response should have stopped at ;"I am in agreement with the latter view" without the addition of an opposing statement at the end since that is a part of your personal idea, not the original prompt.  
  
Never use words of uncertainty such as "probably". You are scored on the clarity of your opinion. "Probably" means you cannot be sure about your statement, which translates into a lack of clarity for the thought presentation. Based on your presentation. There needs to be a 3 body paragraph of reasons presented. You only presented 2 paragraphs, leaving each reasoning topic from the original with little explanation to an unclear presentation in a singular paragraph. Every reason must be developed in individual paragraphs. You cannot compress the topics into one paragraph, the C&C score will suffer immensely.
Your introduction is vague and does not follow the 3-5 sentences for a paragraph rule. The prompt wants you to discuss both views and then to state your opinion. Therefore, the body should have had at least three sections that needed to be developed: the view that it is beneficial, the view that it is disadvantageous, and then your personal opinion. Each view should have several reasons that could be elaborated on. However, because your body was underdeveloped, your essay remains too vague and unclear. Then, your conclusion is unsustainable because there was not enough information from the body for you to form one.
## Fun Fried Chicken

  
  
I am a gourmet so I am very picky when choosing where to eat .So I am very happy to choose a restaurant near the school that suits my taste, that is Fun Fried Chicken . It is located on a small street very close to a large park. It was a pretty neat and tidy place. From the outside, the restaurant doesn't look very impressive. There are large glass windows in the front and some benches outside for everyone to sit while waiting. Inside it was a lot of square green wooden tables, each with about four white chairs around. The walls are painted light green, and there are many beautiful landscapes on them. The restaurant has two floors; I prefer the second floor, because there, sometimes I can get a window seat and enjoy watching people pass by the street outside. The restaurant serves mainly breakfast and lunch. It serves a variety of Vietnamese dishes and also fast food. The restaurant also has a wide selection of delicious, homemade cakes and they make delicious coffee. However, of all the dishes at this restaurant, I like the fried chicken the most. It's very good. I think the reason I like this restaurant is because of the food and the staff. The staff are very helpful and friendly, so the guests usually have a good time at this restaurant. The food was delicious as I said. In general, the service is good. That's why my friends and I often go there together. I miss those days. (The image is for illustrative purposes only)
There is no image provided, so I cannot really compare your statement with it. Please include the image next time. I am also unclear about whether this is a 2 statement discussion or a single reference discussion. Do you choose between the two opinions or, do you discuss just one? I will assume that you have to discuss both, due to the lack of instruction guidelines.  
  
For a statement like this, you do not need to describe the place you prefer or like in terms of its physical presentation. You have already stated that this is a restaurant near the school you attend. That is all the reader needs to know. You have told us what you like about the restaurant, which meets the "why you like it" part of the statement. However, the "don't like it part" is missing. Maybe because you chose to describe the restaurant in detail instead. Had you skipped the discussion and told us what you may not like in the restaurant instead, then the statement would have been more responsive.  
  
Anyway, I am just making assumptions here since you did not give me any solid review reference points to go by. Take my relevant advice and feel free to disregard anything that doesn't apply. You are the only one, at this point, who knows what this statement needs to actually contain. I will reserve my more relevant reviews for your next practice statement, provided you give me the review points along with the statement post.
## number of girls per 100 boys enrolled in different levels of school education

  
  
The bar graph depicts the information about the total count of girls per hundred boys took admissions at a different level of educations such as primary, secondary and tertiary in developing nations and developed countries in the year of 1990 and 1998.  
  
It can be clearly seen that the total number of women in primary education level was 83 in the developing countries in 1990 while, in 1998, it was 87. In the developed countries the count of girls admissions was almost the same in the year of 1990 and 1998, which was approximately 96. However, in the secondary education level, 82 ladies enrolled in the developing countries in 1998 whereas, in 1990, it declined by 10.  
  
Moving to the remaining illustration, the number of girls near about the limit of target in the developed countries in the year of 1990 and 1998 which was 98 and 99. In contrast, at the third level of education the number of girls was 66 in developing countries while in developed countries, it was above the target limit which was 105 in 1990. However, in 1998, the count of females was 75 in developing countries while, in the developed countries it was 112.  
  
Hence, it can be analysed that the count of girls was highest in the third level of education.
Please do not expect a thorough and efficient review of your report essay because you forgot to upload the image for my reference. I cannot consider the scoring rubic based on the presentation since the image, upon which this essay is to be based on, is missing as a reference guide. I will however, do what I can to review your work. Upload the image next time you post for a review.  
  
There is no true mix of a complex and simple sentence in your overview presentation. Do not rush the discussion. Compressed information means confusing information. Clarity comes from proper subject presentation per sentence. Every sentence needs a subject to clearly reference a representation. You failed to do that in the summary overview. A long sentence will never increase your GRA score, it can only decrease it. This is the major error in every presentation that you made. The proper format of 3-5 sentences per paragraph was not applied. So you only succeeded in confusing your reader, rather than informing him. i can safely say that you will get a failing GRA score due to the confusion and stress you have caused your reader. You will not get a passing score with this type of presentation.
Please give me some comments on my essay. Much appreciated!  
  
## summarize the information from the graph

  
  
The information given in the line chart illustrates the proportion of different ways ,namely CD player, mobile phone, internet access, home computer which people used to access modern technology for domestic purposes in the UK from the 1996-2003 period. Overall, it can clearly be seen that all the methods showed an uprising tendency with the CD player hitting the peak of the graph.  
  
Looking closer into the chart, it is noticeable that the pattern of the CD player and home computer is similar in terms of the increasing trend. Initially, the CD player started at exactly 60 percent standing on the top of all four methods ;however, the home computer only began with less than half of the highest one at just under 30 percent. After that, both CD player and domestic computer gradually climbed at the same speed to over 80 and just under 60 respectively. Another interesting point is the home computer had doubled since the progress began.  
  
On the other hand, although the mobile phone still showed an inclining trend, it fluctuated slightly through the process. In the middle of 1999, the percentage of the phone hit almost 30% surpassed the home computer. Then the internet access appeared in the beginning of 1999 at 10% and increased rapidly to over four times at 40% despite the poorer starting point compared with the others.  
  
*