dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hoang, you have to remember that the Task 1 essay has a standard format that you have to follow in terms of presentation. This has a required 4 paragraph presentation requirement. So while you did write an acceptable 168 words, the fact that you did not split the information up into the required separate report information paragraphs will lower your score in terms of TA considerations.  
  
You did a good enough job with the opening summary. but you forgot to include the type of passengers used for the survey (paying passengers) and the source of the survey (FAA - Federal Aviation Authority). Including these 2 pieces of information as part of the overview summary would have completed the informative presentation of the important data supplied in the chart.  
  
There are some grammatical issues that show that you are not yet familiar with the how and when to use connecting words. An example of this problem is:  
  
The dramatic growth kept ...  
- The dramatic growth continued for one year, peaking at approximately...  
  
The term airport is not a proper noun and should not be capitalized.  
  
This being a task 1 essay, you are not required to present a concluding statement. You are not being asked for an opinion in this essay. You are only offering a summarized report analysis. So a personal conclusion on your part is not necessary. If you would like though, you could present your trending statement as the final paragraph (4th paragraph) instead.  
  
If I were to write this essay, I would have used the 2012 and 2011 figures as one of the stand alone paragraphs. I would have chosen to compare these 2 lowest paying passenger events at the airport to show that the clients of the airport had a more or less 50% passenger traffic difference at the start. By the way, the assumption in the Task 1 essay is that the examiner will not have access to the actual figure, so you not change the numerical data as indicated in the chart. The numbers provide the accuracy of the report so doing your own math will tend to confuse the reader rather than inform the reader.  
  
I hope you can follow the 4 paragraph format when you write your next practice test. You have a good eye for detail and you have the ability to truly analyze the information being presented instead of just enumerating the data to complete the word count. That is the ability to have to develop in this task so that you can score higher in the overall consideration.
Dear all, this is me again... I just not sure this one is agree/disagree or 2 views+opinion, anyway I just treat it as the former...  
  
## comments on the products and services to the cyberspace and its effect

  
  
**In the world of internet, people write about a product and its reviews as well as their opinion about the service. Is it a good thing or bad thing?**  
  
In the internet world, people trend to post their reviews and opinion on any products and services to the cyberspace. In my view it is beneficial to both the buyer and seller.  
  
The prime reason for people to leave their comments to the net would be that for information sharing. And thus the sharing is crucial for other when they need to acquire goods or services they do not familiar with. By access to the reviews and opinions on the net, they will have sufficient information for them to make their purchasing decision. Hence I believe this is vitally important for the people to upload their comments about the products and services to the internet as of it weight on influencing the buying decision of any potential consumer.  
  
In fact this internet comment habit not only good for individual but also positively impacting the seller. Company who provide good services and products is rewarded by the most powerful advertising instrument in the world, that is the internet. Besides company nowadays, instead of waiting for the customer to sending feedback, is proactively seek for people with influencing power and providing them the free sample or trial service and encouraging them to sending reviews and opinions to the internet. These kind of advertisement had been proved by several researches that help generate more business than that of the traditional way, advertising thought the broadcasting media, for instance.  
  
In conclusion, it is the positive development for people who post comments on the products and services to the cyberspace as I believe that it is beneficial to both the individual and company as a whole.
@smally01 This is actually a variation on a direct response essay. When you are asked if this is a good or bad thing, you should have a thesis statement at the end of the paraphrase that says "I view this as a good / bad thing for a few reasons." You are not being asked about whether it is beneficial to the buyer and/or seller. It is a simple question and explanation essay. So your prompt paraphrase is incorrect at this point. Here is how it should have been written:  
  
*The cyberworld has specific areas where people can shop for products or acquire services. It also allows the buyers to leave comments about the product or services as they experienced it. I believe that this method of allowing for public comments regarding consumer goods and professional services is a good thing for a few reasons.*  
  
By the way, "and" is a connecting word. So if you want to use it to connect two thoughts, make sure you do not have a period before it. "And" cannot be used to start a sentence as a connecting word. Now, while your essay took the wrong approach to the response, I would like to tell you that I noticed an improvement in your writing. You have a clear presentation of ideas in relation to the prompt as you (mis)understood it and you were able to explain yourself well. I just wish you had approached it from the correct thesis statement. No worries though, I know you will do better next time.
Dear Holt, all I want to say is Thank you! Thank you for your comments and encouragement along my road to IELTS! I don't know how to express my feeling well in english but all I want to say is that you make us (me in particular) not  
  
feel alone in the dark; I know I got someone here giving us support, guidance and encouragement.  
  
You are right, I must make it clear on my statement that directly answer to the question (I.e. yes it is good instead of any unclear wording such as benefit effect/impact).  
  
Thank you and I wish you all the best!
## world hunger

  
  
**In spite of the advantages made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?**  
  
Answer:  
Although the improvement have made in the techniques of agriculture, there are still lots of people facing huger around the world. This essay will discuss about the causes and the solutions of this issue.  
  
There are several sound reasons to explain why agriculture progress does not help to alleviate the world hunger. One of the reasons is that people live in the environment with sufficient food usually take it for granted and forget there are still people in somewhere are deprived. Therefore, they tend to produce more wasted food which worsens the problem. Another is that people who live in poverty or suffer from wars may not be able to buy or have the access of food. For example, the documentary shows that poor in the USA do not have enough money to buy three meals a day, so they constantly face starvation.  
  
There are possible measures can be taken by different group of people which may help to relieve the situation. Firstly, the governments should provide food or relief fund for the citizens who are in hunger. Secondly, international charities can raise fund all over the world and help those who are in need. Finally, it is important for the rich to be compassionate toward others and stop wasting precious food. After all, according to the statistic, the world food production is actually sufficient to provide everyone, so the problem was caused by us.  
  
In conclusion, although world hunger is a growing concern in the world, it can be alleviated by proper approaches.  
  
(254 words)
Kyleigh, this is a direct response essay because there are 2 questions being asked in the original prompt which are not based on yes or no response. When 2 direct questions are asked, you are expected to outline your discussion in the body of paragraphs by offering a single sentence response to each question. One sentence response for the "Why" and another for the "What" question. That brings the opening paraphrase paragraph to a total of 3 sentences. Here's a sample of how to approach the response paraphrase:  
  
*While there has been notable improvements in the field of agriculture, hunger is still an international problem. I believe that the reason for this is that people with enough access to food are wasteful. A possible solution to this problem is to better educate those with better food access about how to donate their excess food to those in need through various charities.*  
  
From there, you should take 2 response paragraphs to explain one reason for hunger and another paragraph for the explanation of your proposed solution, then a concluding paragraph. That is the more scoring consideration appropriate format for this essay.
## Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music?

  
  
*Hello,  
  
Kindly take a look at my answer to the following writing task:*  
  
**There are many different types of music in the world today.  
Why do we need music?  
Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?**  
  
Music is a form of art that has been created and developed through time. It differs according to the era and the region to which it belongs. There are many different types of music in the world today. Traditional and international music are two forms that are completely different because they're made for different publics.  
  
Traditional music helps to know more about the country. It's a major component of its culture. Personally, when imagining how life would be in Ireland or USA, it's hard not to associate the images that cross my mind to the folkloric music of those countries. However, music has evolved with time to become more international and less representative of its origin. A same song can be heard worldwide nowadays at the expense of traditional music that is only used to introduce a country to the world.  
  
As far as I am concerned, traditional music is more important than the international one because it's the legacy that next generations will inherit. It's an element of their identity. By listening and sharing it with foreigners, they remain connected with their roots.  
  
Furthermore, in music industry, music is widely commercialized when it uses catching rhythms and simple lyrics. The K Pop, for example, even if it's defined as a Korean music is more of a pop music sung in Korean language that fits perfectly western standards of image and sound.  
  
To sum up, making an international song make it more successful but it causes it to vanish with time, unlike traditional music that lasts longer.  
  
------------  
  
*Thanks  
HKAD*
Hi @HKad2210  
For the Introduction, you should state your intention clearly (e.g: Music plays an important roles in the world today. In this essay, I shall put forth my argument to analysis why we need music and prove traditional music is more important than...)  
  
The body is quite short, I am afraid. In the real exam, you will lose mark for that. You also need to restructure and use aprpriate wording in your essay so that the reader can follow your idea easy. For example:  
  
 First of all, the reason people all over the world need music is that it is a major component of any culture....Moreover, the second reason is that...  
  
 In my opinion, traditional music is more important than international music. Firstly (reason 1). Furthermore (reason2)  
Your vocab is quite good but try to use more complex sentence to raise your band score.  
Hope that helps  
Good luck with your practice
***Some cities have vehicle free-days where private cars, trucks and motorcycles are banned in city centres. Only bus, bicycles and taxis are permitted in the city centres. Do you think the benefits outweigh the disadvantages?***  
  
## PUBLIC VEHICLES only IN CITY CENTRES

  
  
There are some places that public vehicles are allowed to pass and there are also that forbid private cars on certain days. This kind of strategy to all transportations are being implemented in most cities. I think this has more pros than cons that I will explain further.  
  
In this ban, people with cars and companies that use trucks in exchange of goods are at disadvantaged. Their products can be delayed while business men who travel with their own cars are not allowed to use them. Thus, it creates a hassle to figure out a different way or transportation to go from one place to another.  
  
However, there are more advantages than drawbacks. First, it reduces car congestion in city centres. Trucks are huge, and buses, are the same too. Dividing the days that these large vehicles can travel will give more space to other vehicles. As a result, traffic jams or any car accidents will decrease.  
  
As an example, In the Philippines, their President implemented a window period that allows trucks and other heavy container cars in using city roads. There are only certain areas that they can enter. Thus, minimizing traffic and providing more room to other cars. They also have a system that controls the number of vehicles on the road. The last number of every car plate has an indication that there are specific days that people can not use their cars and they call it 'coding'.  
  
Therefore, I believe that there are more benefits for letting the public transportations including bicycles in city centres as presented in this essay. Giving private ones, like cars, trucks and motorcycles, a rest to the road is an advantage to the city and public.
Jea, you only focused on the first part of the discussion. Where is the discussion about the use of bicycles, buses, and taxis? You created your own prompt statement again. This is really a serious problem on your part as it commonly happens, I always correct it, and you still keep making the same mistake. Always, always, make sure that you address only the topics included in the original prompt. Do not create country specific discussions because you deviate from the prompt and create only a partial response to the prompt. Look at the vehicles you mentioned in your essay, it does not even begin to touch in a single mode of transport from the original prompt. This is not a good essay because it doesn't stick to the appointed discussion. This was to be a comparative essay between vehicle free days in city centres and the possible benefits or drawbacks if only buses, bicycles and taxisare allowed in this areas on specific days.
Hello. I think you need to fully understand what the prompt says first, and next time, try to outline your ideas in the draft first. This will take maximum 5 minutes.  
  
I don't think this is a well-structured essay, since you've seperated into 3 bodies, and the first two counterparts are really sketchy.  
The other flaws is what the admin has cited out for you.  
I'd like to suggest you to organize the paragraphs of this kind of question like this:  
- Introduction (paraphrase the question, thesis statement)  
- Body 1: your first idea to the question with explanations and details (can include some relevant examples if needed)  
- Body 2: your second idea to the question with explanations and details (can include some relevant examples if needed)  
- Conclusion: simply summarize what you have just written  
Hope that well and good luck with your practice.
## "Throw-away" effect

  
  
**These days people in some country are living in a "throw-away" society which mean people use things in a short time then throw them away.  
  
What are its causes and what are its problems? What could be done to address this issue?**  
*Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.*  
  
My writing  
  
Nowadays, in some country, people tend to buy things temporarily and then abandon them. This detrimental trend is explained by the rise of consumerism and inflating commercials in modern society, which leads to the economic and enviromental problems. Some measures are introduced to mitigate those issues.  
  
The foremost reason of this dilemma is that the tendancy of consumerism. Thanks to the greatly-improved living standard, the revenue of people has increased over the decades. Nevertheless, some people have adapted an over-spending lifestyle without thinking whether they truly utilize it or not. When they lose interests, they simply throw them away spontaneously. Furthermore, the encouragous commercials of enterprises also cause the effect of overconsuming. Those companies solely concentrate on inviting more customers to buy their products without guiding them making its effective uses.  
  
Both aforementioned purposes result in negative consequences. As people invariably purchase goods without utilizing, they will suffer from a huge waste amount of money. Those expenditures would better spend for more productive purposes if they knew how to wisely restrict their money consuming. In addition, on account of more and more goods are being thrown away from households, it will creat tons of garbage annually, in which later spread out to the nature and directly diminish the places we are living.  
  
Some steps can be taken to resolve the issues. People are advised to think twice before purchasing something, they should ask themselves whether those things are literally necessary for their daily life. Finally, if there are some redundant things, it is highly recommended that people either sell it over the internet, or donate them to those in needs in mountainous areas.  
  
In conclusion, the prevalance of buying things can have a disastrous impact on financial matters and the enviroments, in which are mainly caused by consumerism and the exaggerated advertisements.  
  
(303 words)  
  
*I am simply practicing with my IELTS essays, so I did not put time pressure on my writing. However I've written a little long in this one. If possible, can somebody give me an advice how to shorten this essay, as well as pointing out the mistakes in my work and giving a score. I'd be glad with your feedbacks.*
I'm preparing for my IELTS test,and I hope I can get some tips or correction from you guys full of wisdom. THANKS!  
  
Here is the topic: *Many countries spemd a lot of money in the arts. Some people think investment in the arts is necessary, but others say money is better spent on public services and facilities . Discuss both views and give your own opinion.*  
  
## are the art investmets appropriate?

  
  
MY answer:  
  
People hold different views on whether the government should invest in the arts, especially when a country encounter the buget deficit problem.From my personal perspective,the construction and the improvement of country infrastructure should be in priority and only when the government has the financial surplus should they spend money in the arts.  
  
Many people, as supporters of arts investment, believe that arts makes our cities more attractive.Some arts works, like sculptures and paintings can beautify our public area,such as library,subway station,even the sanitary.If the arts prospers ,we will have more enjoyable lives with the buildings in variety of styles.Besides,arts enables us to release some pressure, keeping us in a better mood in daily life.  
  
Although the arts is considered essential by some people,someone else think that the public facilities far more deserve to be focus on .The ordinary citizens are more interested in infrastructure(school,transport,power and water supply) which have direct impact on their life quality. For instance,a better condition of sanitation promotes people's health, lessening the possibilty of diseases;more libraries and schools guarantee the people of a higher level of knowlege,which enables them to find jobs with good prospects. Comparably,sculptures,paintings and dramas are luxuries to most people ,failing to bring actual advantages to them.For example,investing in transport system makes the trade and production more efficiency and effective,improving the productivity at the same time,with which more investment can be aroused into cities and a virtuous cycle is formed.  
  
So in my opinion,the government should put more emphasis on the pulic facilities, even if the arts makes our cities beautiful.
Kevin, you have the body of the essay correct. You used the perfect reference phrases to indicate which side of the discussion you are presenting. This is, for all intents and purposes, a presentation of 2 acceptable body of paragraph reasons. However, for all the perfection of the body of paragraphs, there was one slight flaw in your presentation. What exactly did you mean when you referenced "sanitary" in the paragraph?: Sanitary what? How does that beautified by art? If you meant restrooms, then explain why. Or better, yet don't mention it at all since you already made 2 example references in the sentences that are self explanatory. Don't present any examples that you have to explain when you are presenting several samples in one sentence.  
  
The main imperfection of your essay is that you opened the presentation with a response pertaining to your personal opinion. Since this is not a direct question essay but rather a comparative + personal opinion paper, the personal opinion should have been presented anywhere within the 3 body paragraph reasoning presentation. With this particular essay, you should present a total of 5 paragraphs covering:  
  
1. Paraphrase  
2. Public POV 1  
3. Public POV 2  
4. Personal POV  
5. Concluding summary  
  
This method of discussion is the most appropriate and most advised method of discussion as the prompt requirement indicates the need for the 5 body paragraph. The prompt discussion instructions always indicates how many body paragraphs you have to present. Normally, you are asked to present 4 paragraph for agree or disagree questions and 5 paragraphs for comparative + personal opinion essays. Direct question essays can also be presented in 4-5 paragraphs depending upon how familiar you are with the discussion topic. Always deliver the discussion in the manner indicated in the prompt.  
  
In this instance, you failed to properly deliver a prompt paraphrase because you immediately launched into a personal discussion. The correct first paragraph / paraphrase would have been composed mainly of a restatement of the following topics:  
  
1. Discussion Topic  
2. Reasons for the discussion  
3. Restatement of the discussion instructions for outline discussion purposes  
  
Sample:  
  
*Various countries have been known to support the artistic endeavors of its citizens. That is why some people have come to question why the government spends so much money on the arts when there are other government supported programs that need funding. This essay shall discuss whether the government should continue with its art expenditures and why or whether it should be offering more funding to other projects. After that discussion, I shall present my personal point of view for the reader's consideration.*  
  
Had your opening paragraph been more attuned to what I wrote above, your essay would have stood a chance of gaining a higher scoring consideration.