dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## human's demands are more crucial than animals protection

  
  
Theseday witnessed a numerous individuals doubt the need of sponsoring wild animals while there is still a range of poors at risk. From my perspective, I would say that protecting living species is indispensable but nothing compared with prioritise humanity.  
  
On one hand, since animals are just like us, living creatures, then they do need basic rights and supports in order to be fulfilled. Those living in wild environment even seek for more lavish care from human as the more modern our life is, the more of them are put in vulnerable condition. Nowadays, some authorities around the world spend a significant budget for defending wildlife campaigns, through a lot of factual actions, for example building national parks, providing hi-tech security networks, launching brand-new high quality medical centers for only animals, and so on. These policies not only present the countries' attention and sympathy for faunas, but also show off their powerful economic potential.  
  
On the other hand, the animals' importance is sometimes overated and some nations neglect a more worth-concerned aspect, human's demands. There are still children who are not allowed to reach educational training, underprivileged dwellers who do not have living spaces and poor patiences who can not achieve professional therapy. Is animals' happiness noticeable in such world ? Mankind controls the destiny of the whole world and is the highest creature above all, therefore, increased funding to advocate those in need is extremely essential and it should be taken under consideration before any financial support for animals.  
  
In conclusion, I strong ly believe that other living species share a noteworthy obligation in life. Meanwhile, human is by far more valuable and as a consequence, resources should be spent on homo sapiens than any other objects.
This is a 5 paragraph essay presentation. The requirement is for you to discuss both public points of view, using separate paragraphs, before you present your personal opinion, also as a stand alone paragraph. Based on what I can see, you did not follow the required format for the discussion. You did not use the proper public point of view group pronoun references, this created an overall personal essay opinion discussion as opposed to a balanced 3 point of view perspective. Balance the discussion using the individual paragraph reference to each point of view. Use second or third person / group pronouns in the public point of view discussion, then use the first person point of view references in your personal opinion. Never make the personal point of view a simple single sentence reference in the concluding paragraph.  
  
When you present your personal point of view in the concluding paragraph, you create 2 errors:  
  
1. The lack of proper reasoning, explanation, and discussion that will help convince the examiner about your personal point of view;  
2. The improper conclusion of the essay. You created an open ended, rather than full circle discussion anchored on the proper summary presentation of the topic and points of view discussion points.  
  
If you want to score better, you must avoid making these mistakes in your presentation as these have some major points deductions considerations in the final scoring consideration.
**You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.  
  
Write about the following topic.   
  
Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular.  
  
Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?  
  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  
  
You should write at least 250 words.**  
  
The trend of shopping online have been viral these days and famous online market like Amazon have became one of the biggest company in the world. In my point of view, there are two advantages which is the convenience and its user friendly.  
  
With the help of internet, we could buy our necessity and without going out for example air tickets., By clicking a few buttons, we could filter all of the products from around the world that we want and ship to our countries within a few days. In my own experiences, it takes only couple of days from recognised my needs to receive the product without taking my wallet out.  
  
Speaking of not going out of our home, online shopping is users friendly. In the old days, shopping could be one of the difficulty to the disable people and elderly. But with the help of internet, no matter of the deaf and dump, they could buy the necessities whenever they want, and more importantly without any help.  
  
Undeniably, the advantage of users friendly could be also a disadvantage to children. Nowadays the age of owning a phone or a electricity devices have been younger and younger, which means children could fall into trap easily. Moreover, adolescences that do no to take good control of their money could also fell into traps easily. Despite the risk of falling into the traps, I believe it is more essential for us to teach them the correct concept of personal finance.  
  
Nevertheless the disadvantage to the kids, the disadvantage could be erased by correcting the misconception. As a result, I do believe that the advantages of online shopping outweigh the disadvantage.
You need to use the proper A/D format for this essay. You focused too much on the advantage discussion, which removed the balance, clarity, and cohesion of your presentation. While you gave a clear response to the question in the paraphrased first paragraph, you did not really develop the original discussion presentation in that paragraph, which is why it is short by one sentence to fulfill the minimum 3 sentence requirement per paragraph.  
  
You should be using the following format for the 2 reasoning paragraphs:  
  
Sentence 1: Disadvantage topic  
Sentence 2: Reason it is considered a disadvantage  
Sentence 3: Why you think it is an advantage  
Sentence 4: Example to prove the advantage  
Sentence 5: Additional supporting explanation (optional)  
  
If you had used the format above for your discussion, the essay would have had a more connected presentation from one paragraph to the next. You should be focusing on related discussions per reasoning paragraph since you are scored, based on the writing format of this prompt, on the cohesiveness and coherence of your paragraph presentations. This is only a 4 paragraph essay, not a 5 paragraph version.  
  
Grammar Issues:  
The trend of shopping online have been - ... has been (singular word reference)  
... have became ... - have become (word choice error, use present tense)  
have become one of the biggest company - has become one of the biggest companies (plural word reference)  
could be one of the difficulty - difficulties (plural word form in reference to "one of the")
## IELTS WRITING TASK 2: Music

  
  
Topic: Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?  
  
Music is widely perceived to have the power to unite and connect humans, irrespective of their cultural backgrounds and ages. I am, personally, in complete agreement with that notion.  
  
In the first place, music could transcend cultural boundaries. Such a universal language is it that music could be absorbed by individuals from all four corners of the world. Furthermore, recent researches have indicated that the rhythm helps coordinate and synchronize the audience's body movements. As a result, a sense of group identity is created. For instance, a number of songs which are not written in the lingua franca, such as Despacito with Latin lyrics or Gangnam Style in Korean, have still taken the global entertainment industry by storm. Therefore, fans across continents are connected.  
  
In addition, music has the capability of connecting generations. Despite the generation gap, the shared feelings among the listeners act as the social glue that augments social relationships. That is the underlying reason why a work of art like Happy Birthday song appears to evoke joyful reactions in both the young and the elderly. Also, in the coronavirus pandemic, various music marathons are organized in order to support frontline healthcare workers, first responders and convey messages of solidarity. Those virtual concerts were not only successful fundraising telethons but also the potent social glue. Hardly has any art form been able to be as a powerful unifier as music.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that music has the unique capacity of bringing about social closeness, regardless of individual cultures and ages.  
  
(Thank you for your comments)
I think that on the first paragraph you should change the words in order to avoid the first sentence to sound exactly like the question from the topic. You can relate what you are trying to say to a statement broadly related to what you are about to develop in the next two paragraphs, but not making it repetitive (regarding the topic question).  
  
On the next paragraphs, you can try to unify both of your arguments in the first one and then use the second paragraph to expose an antithesis along with its arguments.  
  
For the conclusion, you can restate your view after exposing both perspectives and provide more detail about why is it important or relate it to a current general situation.
Let me start with the positives of your work.  
  
Your first reasoning paragraph (2nd paragraph) is highly effective. While the grammar may not be perfect, you were able to convey your meaning, without confusing the reader too much. It also has a degree of coherence to the discussion based on your related topic presentations within the paragraph. However, you should avoid mentioning any reference to researched information. You should always make it clear that the information comes from public perception or a personal opinion in the presentation. Do not be afraid to use the first pronoun presentation format since the prompt mentions the word YOU, that is indicative of first pronoun usage throughout the essay.  
  
The third paragraph (second reasoning paragraph) is a bit disconnected. There is no way you can connect the Happy Birthday Song with Covid 19. That paragraph comes across as forcing through and not really well developed. You should work on using only related topics per paragraph so further boos your C&C score.  
  
Now for what you did wrong.  
  
The paraphrasing is too rushed. You should have used 3-5 sentences in both the introduction and concluding paragraphs. The reason being that both paragraphs require you to properly restate the original prompt and discussion reasons. The difference being that the concluding paraphrase requires you to also present your personal opinion along with your reasoning topics. That would create a proper concluding paragraph for the essay. The way you have it presented now will not meet the requirements for a higher TA score.
alization and modernization makes the lifestyle in a city and in the village are obviously different. Consequently, choosing a place to spend your life, your time has always been something to wonder by many people. Many people concern that living in a city is the best choice to live because of its advantages over a village. Meanwhile, my thought is to against this notion and I would like to stay in a village instead of living in a big city for some reason.  
  
First and foremost, the living cost in a village is much cheaper than in a city. Nowadays, you may have to work long hours a day to earn money to buy a house or land in the city but it much affordable in the village. Because in a village, people usually tend to grown your own foods so you can easily buy it straight from the farmer itself. But if you think most of the goods in the village are of poor quality, you are wrong. In rural areas, the goods are not only cheaper but also as good as the city. So if you stay in a village, you can save a lot of money.  
  
Secondly, village life is often safer than in a city in many ways. In the city, the air is heavily polluted due to a large amount of emissions from factories, vehicles, etc. Not only that, but the water source is also seriously polluted, which makes people often lack clean water. In contrast, the fresh air in the village will be more comfortable, which makes people healthy and full of energy. In addition, traffic congestion in big cities occurs most often, during rush hours, which not only slows down human activities but also causes traffic accidents. In particular, the situation of theft in the city often occurs that peoples always fear and be alert to every situation. So you can see that it is much safer to live in a small village.  
  
Last but not least, the people staying in the village are warmer and friendlier. People in there are closer and more often connected with many activities rather than just stay indoors like in the city. They live together in a village that they can assist each other in any situation. This helps them to be as close as those who live under one roof and help them know their neighbor very well. On the contrary, people are so busy that they little know about their neighbors, sometimes even not knowing their neighbors. This makes life in the countryside more valuable because people interact more with each other, which helps them relieve stress after hours of work.  
  
In conclusion, staying in a village is a perfect choice for a few reasons: low cost, safety, and the people here. Nevertheless, living in a big city or staying in a village which has its own advantages and disadvantages based on one's interests and personality.
You did not include the prompt so do not expect a review of your written response. Your posting, which is incomplete as it starts in the middle of the presentation rather than at the start will only get a minimal review.  
  
For starters, a task 2 essay should only be 275-290 words. It is not a research paper so it should not have 491 words in it. Whether it be a CBT or a pencil test, there is no way you can write that many words and still be able to review for errors and corrections within the 40 minute allotment. I do not know how many times I have to say this, long essays create more error chances than simple and medium length essays. This essay is another example of how the number of words forced errors that can prevent the essay from passing because the errors were not corrected, thus lowering the quality and clarity of the discussion.  
  
Spelling Errors:  
alization - I do not even know what you were trying to spell here.  
neighbor (US) - neighbour (UK)  
  
Grammar:  
tend to grown - grow (use the proper verb form)  
So if you stay - So, if you... (always use a comma after an introductory word of phrase)
**Topic:**  
## Some parents think that childcare centers provide the best services for children of preschool age.

  
***Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better caregivers for their young children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.***  
  
In recent years, some people decide to send their children to childcare facilities such as kindergartens, they believe these places will give the best education and services for preschoolers. While others think the best environment to bring up children is their home with grandparents or relatives.  
  
On the one hand, children who are being sent to nursery school, in fact, tend to be more independent and opened with others than that of being with family at home. Thanks to various recreational as well as educational activities in large space in childcare facilities, if some children tend to be shy or introverted, they also can easily get well with others and explore the world without parents or any acquaintance beside. That contributes to improving a child's self-control and independence. However, childcare centers is the crowded places where potentially have many infectious diseases. Besides, a currently concerned problem in childcare centers is the nanny. There are some cases that the nanny has violent action with children lead to many other terrible results, not only does it hurt the child's body but also the child's spirit.  
  
On the other hand, some families let their child being taken care of by family members or relatives at home. These children are always comfortable and in safe hands because of being considerate care. Therefore, they are given full of love from family. Furthermore, in this way, these parents will save many of the babysitter cost. However, children who live with family at home will have little chance to engage in collective action or play with others than that of ones in the childcare centers. Therefore, their ability to develop some social skills and explore the world is restricted. With the extrovert child, this will be fine because they can have fun even if they have to play alone in their house. But for the introvert child, this will make them more and more individualistic and do not want to approach others anymore.  
  
In conclusion, I agree that childcare centers which is a great environment for the preschooler to develop have a positive impact on children outweighs the negative. As long as children are always received good services as well as considerate care.
Hi everyone, i am a new English learner preparing for ILETS tests and I hope I can make progress with you. Here is my first article for writing task 2. Would you please reviewing it for me. Thank you so much!  
  
## IELTS WRITING TASK 2, ABOUT GOVERNMENT

  
  
Topic: Some people think people working in creative arts should be financially supported by government. Others think they should find financial support from other resources. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.  
  
My article:  
People working in creative arts often have a poor life because what they are doing cannot turn into money at the time. Only one thing for them to keep going for their arts is enthusiasm. Therefore, some people reckon that government should financially support these creative arts workers. The other opinion is that they should find avialable financial support from other resource by themselves. But I think there should be both kinds of financial support for them to attain.  
  
Creative arts workers may not create values for the country most of the time or all through their life. Besides, what they do may not bring in money or privileges. However, this kind of people is making this country more diverse and creative. What they do bring up intrinsic value and aesthetic of this country. And some amazing art works will be born in these workers and let the country become famous. So, financial support by government may let all these become more possible.  
  
On the other hand, there should not be only one kind of finance for these workers. Other resources, no matter what background or destinations these organizations or enterprises have, should be reached. Some financial supports from organizations may be donated by some people who think creative arts workers can make the world better and they should help them, whilst some enterprises believe that what they have done to the worker may turn into merchant value or they just do some Public service activities. Therefore, creative arts may also ask for help in these methods.  
  
As far as i am concerned, there should different kinds of financial supports for creative arts workers. It is essential that government should provide some basically money to these people. And other resources from organizations or enterprise can offer ways for some talented artists to apply.
The problem with this essay presentation lies in the formatting of your response. The discussion should be completed over 5 paragraphs indicative of the following considerations:  
  
Par. 1 - The topic summary and discussion instruction presentation  
Par 2 - The first public point of view. Second person or group pronouns must be used to indicate the POV presented as public  
Par. 3 - The second public point of view. Use additional second person or group pronouns to indicate the public opinion  
Par. 3 - The personal opinion. Use the first person pronouns to clearly point out that this is your point of view  
Par. 4 - Concluding summary. Indicate the original topic, the reasons supporting the 2 public opinions, restate your opinion, follow up with a closing sentence.  
  
Your presentation comes across as a general discussion that does not consider a full reference to the public opinion, which is a requirement if you want a better GRA score. This essay tries to give you the opportunity to show that you know how to use the English grammar rules (GRA) in the presentation of a discussion. The better you highlight your knowledge of pronoun presentation and usage, along with punctuation marks and sentence formatting, the better your score in this area. This test, leans towards scoring heavily on the GRA standards, among the other scoring considerations.
As Holt said, you need to rephrase the topic in your own words and discuss it accordingly.  
You can develop some sort of templates if you don't know how to discuss the topics which you may be less familiar with.  
Topic sentences are vital in terms of short essays, IELTS writing task 2 especially, and this one is practically easy since it asks you to offer pros and cons of the topic issue.(So the paragraphs should be divided like Holt said)
Can you give me some reviews and comments in my essay base on the criteria in Ielts Writing? Thank you so much!  
  
Topic: The plans below show a student room for two people and a student room for one person at an Australian university.  
Write at least 150 words. (The picture below)  
  
My essay:  
  
As you can see, the table above displays two types of rooms for pupils studying at an Australian university. They are a two-person room and one-person room.  
  
These rooms present some similar aspects and also several distinctive features which are the cost, the area, and the furniture of each room. The double room has a higher price, larger space, and more equipment than the single one.  
  
The first main distinction is the fee for each room's demand. The double room is almost 2 times more expensive than the single room, specifically, 350$ per week is demanded for the first and 200$ per week is demanded for the second. Commensurate with the price, the two-person room has an acreage of 24 square meters with 6 meters length and 4 meters width, which is the same length and 2 times the width compared to that of the one-person room.  
  
The second disparity which is easy to notice is the appliances provided in each room. The quantity of beds and study desks furnished in a two-person room is double the one-person room. And the double room also has some furniture that the single room doesn't have due to its capabilities such as the cupboard, the table and chairs, and the bookshelf.  
  
To conclude, this picture reveals some basic information about two categories of room for the student to find their proper room due to their needs and uses during studying time at university.  
  
*