dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Some people think that boarding schools are an exellent option for children, while other people disagree for a number of reasons.  
Consider both sides of this debate and reach a conclusion**  
  
## boarding school? not for all

  
  
In recent years, many young people study in boarding school where they live and stay at the school environtment during the term. It is often said that parents benefit from sending their children to other place to study. However, the issue is not entirely straightforward, and arguments can also be made againt the idea. This essay will discuss the debate, and give a conclusing view.  
  
On the one hand, those who support their children to study in boarding school cite the various advantages that the activity can bring to a child. First, pupil can learn about how to live independently. Obviously, it will useful for them in their future to solve many problem by theirself. In addition, children who live in one place with their friends can discuss about the learning that they just got in school. Therefore, some parents think that boarding school is an exellent option for children to study  
  
By contrast, opponents of this view point out that not all children want to stay far away from their parents. A large number of parents believe that they have responsibility to teach children by themself until become adult. They think that it can be harmful for kids to stay in another place without their supervision. As an instance, children could be more lazy to study without motivation from parents. Thus, the drawbacks should be consedered as well.  
  
In conclusion, it seems advisable that the decision to send children to boarding school should be based on child's capability and interest, an also the quality of the boarding school itself to guarantee proper life and supporting environtment to study.  
  
(269 word)  
  
**Please give me feedbacks and comments** (and also aproximately band descriptor :D )
Marzuki, the most likely score for this essay will be a 5. I am basing that band score on the fact that the positions your express throughout the essay difficult to understand because of the lack of proper sentence structure and grammar development. These spelling, wrong vocabulary usage, and presentation problems led to the low score. There is no problem with your comprehension skills. The problems come, when you try to express yourself in English. You have a problem spelling the words, which leads to difficulty for the reader. For example, in the first paragraph, you said; "conclusing" instead of "concluding. These sorts of errors could be typographical in nature and unintended on your part, but will definitely have an adverse effect on your final score in the specific section it refers to. In this case, that would be the LR and GRA sections. You also cannot say "theirself". The correct term is "themselves". Other spelling problems are:  
  
Exellent - Excellent  
Consedered - Considered  
Environtment - Environment  
  
You also need to learn to properly use connecting words such as "the" and "a". If possible, practice simple sentence development exercises. There are available exercises online that can help you do that.
I assume that this short essay is for the IELTS test which asks students to show their competency in writing clear, well-understood English. Therefore, you should pay more attention to the grammar, punctuation, and correct spelling of words.  
  
The introduction lacks smooth transition from one sentence to another, consider re-writing it again to become more connected.  
exellent is excellent  
  
Obviously, it will useful for them in their future to solve many problem by theirself. should be :in the future, it could be useful for them to solve many problems by themselves.  
  
As an instance ;; for an instance  
  
good luck
@UkiUsman  
Hi, I'd like to give you an paraphrase of the prompt where "boarding school" is left out:  
  
many young people study....  
=> **Some people believe it a perfect choice for children to take up residence on a campus when school is in session. Yet others beg to differ on various grounds.**  
  
Here, I provide a definition of "boarding school" and use a synonym of "reasons".  
  
4. **grounds** Factors forming a basis for action or the justification for a belief.  
'there are some grounds for optimism'  
  
Reference: en.oxforddictionaries/definition/ground
Helloo Usman, you have met the IELTS criteria when it comes to writing task 2. This essay has covered the overall structure: an introduction, body paragraphs and a conclusion. However, major flaws appear somewhere around. Let me come up with the idea of how you paraphrase the opening paragraph. In this part, you fail to show that you are good at paraphrasing. A strong paraphrasing starts with the second ideas, while some students take the idea from the third or fourth one. Starting with the first idea, taking an example of what you have done and what most IELTS sites teach students, is too generic in IELTS essays, and thus this way will score the IELTS candidates less than a 6 in TR. If you still keep the same, then you will be in the same boat. Here is an example of a succinct introductory paragraph with a powerful paraphrasing skill: *Children are suggested staying on-school housing. Some argue that this helps develop independently while the reverse will be true for those who believe that this tends to set a limit of parental surveillance. Although this initiative teaches them to be more independent, it proves that this will continue to transform public favoring less surveillance, and therefore leads to a very real danger to anyone under the age of 17.* . Please peruse my sample more closely, take the advantage with it, and attempt to create the new one. Once you have worked on this, I will turn out more valuable insights.  
  
Hope this helps :D  
  
- Eddy Suaib.  
IELTS Teacher at English Studio Kampung Inggris
## IELTS writing Task 1 : The Employment of Both Sexes by Occupation in UK in 2005

  
  
The bar chart illustrates the Biritish male and female employees working in different occupations in 2005.  
Overall, the percentage of men workers were dominate in most of job sectors. While there were only 4 fields in which women leaded.  
We can see that in the field of skilled-trades, the distance between male and female was greatest with 20% of man and just about 2,5% of women. There was 12% workers choosing the process, plant and machine operattives sector and this proportion had a quite large distance of gender, with figure for man was six-fold higher than for women. The proportion of women in three sector: Manager and senior officials, Professional and Elementary was similalr and also lower than of men. However, the gap of gender was higher in manager and senior officals than two other sectors.  
  
On the other hand, the percentage of female in administrative and sales and customer service secretarial was dominate, about 22% and 14%, respectively, and the same figure for men, at only 5%. This proportion in personal service was six-fold than male. However, the distribution of employment by gender working in associate professional and technical had a litle bit differents, with 15% of female and approximate 11% of male.  
  
Please help me this essay. Thanks you so much!!!  
  
*
Kieu, it seems that the image you uploaded cannot be enlarged so that is making it a bit difficult to analyze your essay in terms of data presentation, relevance, and missed discussion points. That has not prevented me from making some immediate observations about your work though. Most if the problem comes from your lack of a properly formatted and informed presentation of the information summary, also known as the summary overview.  
  
Your analysis became flawed because of the lack of outline in your presentation. When you read a chart, there are a few things you need to take note of before you start drafting the content. The immediate observations you have to make include:  
  
1. What type of graph you are looking at.  
2. The purpose of the graph.  
3. The source of data plus the measurement type  
4. The discussion instruction.  
5. The overall trend.  
  
These information should come cohesively and coherently together in the first paragraph. Upon this presentation, you will be able to gain a deeper analysis of the illustration. Don't compress your data into a single paragraph. Don't keep hitting enter instead of the space bar either. You need to fully develop your paragraph presentations by allowing yourself to explain the information from the chart in a complete manner. Don't just explain the obvious. Look for deeper discussion points that may not be there the first time you review the image.  
  
Basically, you draft your paper with the immediate information, then go back to the image and look for discussion areas you might have missed the first time you wrote the paper. Add any information you find this time around and then finalize the content for presentation. It is only by being highly critical of the given image that you will be able to write an intricate and well scored analysis essay.
@hapi\_hana9  
Hi, I'd like to rewrite a sentence for you.  
  
Overall, the percentage of men ...  
=> **Overall, most of job sectors are predominantly male.**  
  
Do you see the difference? In ielts chart writing, it is tempting to repeat "the number of", "the percentage of", and the like. But the repetition will drag down your LR points. Try to reduce the use. There are many other ways to mean the same thing.
Luong, you need to learn how to use a wider vocabulary range. Your essay becomes redundant because you use the term "far away from home" too many times in the essay, sometimes in successive sentences. Try to vary your presentation by saying terms like "living away" or " boarding", "residing separately", and other similar terms. It is important to try and use as many synonyms in your essay so that you can better develop your English vocabulary.  
  
You must also learn how to compartmentalize your essay into paragraph topics, discussing only one per paragraph then transitioning into the next related discussion in another paragraph. By dividing the topics, the essay becomes easier to read as the page does not appear so tight on the screen, packed with words. I suggest that you practice doing that with this essay. In each paragraph, you are discussing at least 2 topics, without transitioning into each discussion. Edit the essay by dividing the paragraphs and adding transition sentences at the end of each presentation.  
  
There is also a problem with the way that you present your sources in the paper. Please try to determine the type of writing style required for this essay (APA, MLA, Chicago, Turabian, Harvard...) and then look up the citation style online. I suggest using Purdue for this formatting search. It will help you to properly format you in-text citations so that it does not get confusing on the page. You also need to learn to introduce the source material prior to the citation. For example, you cannot just say, "Alfred said..." because nobody knows who Alfred is. You have to say "Alfred, a researcher from the Institute of Life has said that; "citation here". That is how you properly reference a paraphrase or in-text citation.  
  
Overall, this is a decent attempt at a research paper. Keep up the good work. I am confident that your writing and formatting style will improve as you continue to do research work or practice research work for your classes.
**Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of the society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.  
  
Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
## from a child to an educated person

  
  
Children is an essential thing which is someday will continue the task as a society, several people believe that they can learn from the very first in their parents, but other say it's actually the task of the school. This essay will explain the comparison either children should get study from their parents or school  
  
As we know, parents are the first teacher in children life which is gives them first knowledge about life it self. This is because, until 5 years children still take care by their parent, so all of basic knowledge also from their parents, include how to involve in the environment. For example Jokowi who is the president of Indonesia, he get his main knowledge from their parents which now he practical it to socialize with his inhabitants. As a result, children can be easy to keep in touch with other without feel uncomfortable, because they already get the role model from their parents. That's why father and mother have a big responsible to manage their son  
  
However, some parents gives their believe to the school, to give basic knowledge for their son, it because they already believe about the systems that apply. Some of parents say that school is the best place to get more knowledge even in a different criteria such us lesson, how to be polite, socialize with other etc. as the result, school should manage the gives of the lesson and how children can interact with other. That's why some people believe it's good for children to get knowledge in the school.  
  
To conclude, it's evident that people has their own choose about their children to get involve in the society. I strongly believe that parents still have responsible for their son, and school should support by give them the best knowledge on how to act in the environment.
Umuu, this essay only partially responds to the prompt requirements. There is no discussion of both sides before you gave your point of view in the essay. In fact, you did not even give a proper paraphrasing of the prompt when you wrote your opening statement. You neglected to mention that your point of view is required. You also made the additional mistake of including data (Children is an essential...) which was not included in the original prompt that was provided. Therefore, your TA score will most definitely not be on a passing scale. The grammar issues throughout your essay have left the reader with a strong desire to keep re-reading your essay until an understanding of what you are trying to say can be reached. That is not a good thing. That is called "reader stress" and will result in an extremely low GRA score for you as well. The way that you misuse the English words in terms of vocabulary usage is another clear problem in the essay, which means, another failing LR score for you. Overall, this is not even a passing score essay. It is only capable of getting a failing score.  
  
I apologize for not giving you examples of what is wrong with your essay. You see, I an unable to do that because the whole essay is wrong and problematic. So I cannot choose just a few sections to point out with a correction. In this instance, I would have to rewrite the whole essay, which, unfortunately, I am not allowed to do as a contributor.  
  
It would be better if you could review other sample essays online that are correctly developed. There are ample examples on various websites that can help you learn how to better develop your grammar and sentence structure. Don't forget to do independent grammar and sentence structure practice exercises as well so you can improve those severely problematic aspects of your English writing skill.
*A person's worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important.*  
  
## evaluating people

  
  
Opinions differ as to whether measuring one's value by their social influence and personal properity or traditional morality. In my view, I truly believe that people should be judged by traditional values.  
  
On the one hand, the gap between the two classes of society is widened leading to a misconception that the rich are regarded as more respected and admirable than the poor. Take celebrities, for example, they are the best symbols of power and influence in the world. Along with their fame, their personalities in some way become worse and worse. Many of them have lost themselves after a long time rolling in money, which means they totally become a slave of their own reputation and imaginary happiness. As a result, those people tend to be mean or badly-behaved which makes them betray their friends and families.  
  
On the other hand, I still believe that traditional values such as honor, kindness and trust are the best way of judging one's worth. First, most people build their friendships and love relationships according to old-fashioned standards. In fact, a true friend you know from the bottom of your heart would be better than a rich and famous one when you need someone to confide in and share your sorrows. Second, more and more people having high qualifications and certain influence which makes recruiters find it difficult to choose the most suitable ones for their companies. So I think old-fashioned values will be the only factor to classify among the best employers.  
  
In conclusion, although glamour and prosperity have somehow been predominant, there are also people who believe that traditional values still play an important role in life.
Tadey, here is the thing, you are being asked to write an "extent" essay in response to this prompt. Since that "extent" is requirement for the discussion instruction, your opening statement, though interesting and appropriate to a certain degree, you don't really accomplish the task accuracy requirement of the essay. Consider this more properly representative prompt paraphrase as an example for your future reference:  
  
*There is a discussion these days that considers a person's value as directly tied to his personal wealth and social position. It appears that the traditional values of honour, kindness, and trust are no longer considered vital to a person's sense of self-worth. I totally disagree with the prior statement and, in this essay, I will explain why traditional values are still important.*  
  
The main fault in your discussion comes from the way that you formatted your original prompt response. You framed it as a single opinion essay and then discussed it as a 2 opinion essay with a personal opinion at the end. In that case, the proper "extent" statement for your response should have been:  
  
*"I disagree with the prior statement about wealth and social status being the new measurement of a person's value to a certain extent due to several reasons that I will be discussing in this essay."*  
  
Using the above discussion instruction format, your essay allows itself to discuss 2 points of view and a personal opinion instead. Always make sure that you refer to the correct "extent" discussion in your presentations so you can score more in the TA section.
@tadey  
Hi, I'd like to give you an example to paraphrase the prompt:  
Opinions differ as... =>  
**These days, it appears that social rankings and tangible possessions are the sole criteria for a person's worth. Honor, kindness, trust and other old-fashioned values seem to have faded in significance...**  
  
" tangible possession" is a synonym of "material possession", as in /material+possession
**Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should sometimes do things that they do not enjoy doing. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.**  
  
## doing some undesirable things

  
  
People face several situations in their life that they have to deal with it. So, I agree that there are occasions where people should do things that they are reluctant to do. They should do it to protect their family, achieve a goal, or they have no other options. These are very common situations where people should abandon their joy for a bigger benefit.  
  
Family members are among the most important persons in our lives, so sometimes we should do things that are not enjoyable to us but makes their life more convenient. For example, my uncle has to work when he was only fifteen. He did not like it because he loved to go to school. But at that time, he has decided to protect his family and therefore started working in a factory near his home.  
  
Moreover, sometimes you have an important goal in your life that you have to undertake many things for it. For example, an astronomer should go through several difficulties to be an astronaut. An astronomer has to study for years to be ready for it. And then he or she has to do several fieldworks which seem unfavorable to many people. Despite these difficulties, they go all the way through it to reach their goal.  
  
Another situation comes when you have no other option. For instance, when you are in a foreign country and you have run out of money. Instead of being poor, you prefer to do any job, no matter how hard it is. You do it because at the time you have no other option except standing on your feet.  
  
In conclusion, there are several situations that an individual should do undesirable things. However, the cause is not so important because by doing it you show that the life is such a precious thing to you.  
  
[307]
**Claim: Even though young people often receive the advice to "follow your dreams," more emphasis should be placed on picking worthy goals.  
Reason: Many people's dreams are inherently selfish.**  
  
*Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim AND the reason on which that claim is based.*  
  
## "follow your dreams"

  
  
"Today's young minds are tomorrow's future of the country", said a famous freedom fighter and former Prime Minister of India Jawaharlal Nehru. Thus, as the claim states, it is importance for young people to follow their dreams and emphasis should be laid on refining dream into action plan that is achievable. However, the reason is not completely justified.  
  
A.P.J Abdul Kalam, a renowned scientist rightly said that, "A man without dreams is equivalent to bird without wings." Every man should have his goals and objectives in life. But where most young people fail is to channelise the dreams and show right direction to it. The claim emphasis on the need to set right goals which is completely agreeable. According to the reason provided, right goals have to be set because most dreams of people are selfish and greedy. But this might not be always true. Most young minds have intuition to achieve good and sane things.  
  
The need for importance to be given to picking worthy goals has many other reasons. Firstly, youth lacks proper direction. For example, young A.P.J Abdul Kalam was drawn towards astronautics and aeronautics. If his teacher in school would have recognised his interest and guided him to carry out a course on Astronautics, India would have a missed an amazing talent of Kalam.  
  
Secondly, youth are fascinated by power and money and thus, their dreams would be based on these factors than true passion and zeal.  
Hence, proper guidance and career counselling should be given all young minds. It would be great change if career counselling is including as part of college or school curriculum. For example, I have seen most of my friends rushing to Computer Science Engineering course just to earn money without any interest towards the subject and most parents support the same. This should be changed and right direction should be showed.  
  
It can also be agreed to some extent that people dreams sometimes are selfish. They are selfishly driven to earn money and live a life of luxury. This is the prime reason behinds thief, serial killers, terrorists, human trafficking,etc.  
  
In summary, it is highly important for young people to dream and set right worthy goals for their own good and also for the global well being. But the importance to set right goals need not be just for the reason that young minds are driven by selfish motives but also because in most cases they lack guidance, direction and support.Totally, dream is a initial phase where as implementing and achieving the dream in right way is what matters eventually.  
  
It was written under timed conditions (30 mins). Please grade the essay (on a scale of 0-6 preferably) and give your valuable feedback