dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hi Alfa, below are my thoughts on your summary essay;  
  
- ~~There is~~It has been a long week in politics .  
- Today, protest waved in Venezuela and this is happening dramatically.  
- ~~On account of in the~~The fact that they contra  
- position~~. After~~, after a congress debate  
- in the parliament,  
- Some opposition lawmakers claim they get ~~violence~~violent  
- claim that the incumbent  
- they ~~say~~talk about inflation of economic index,  
- ~~for~~ medicine and good ~~stuff~~things are rarely in ~~that~~the country.  
- ~~They, furthermore~~Furthermore , they said Maduro  
- was brought ~~that~~to the country  
- This congressional debate is important, ( don't forget your punctuation marks ) taking into the consideration,~~on~~ the fact that in this parliament, the new brand of Venezuela will kick off~~. Either~~, wether the parliament want to ...  
  
There you have it Alfa, as you can see, there's quiet a lot of modifications to be done to revise your essay, this is why you need to write more and read a lot, I hope this helps.
Hi alfa  
Let me give you some correction  
  
... Assembly building and the situation has high tension ~~in~~on October 27th 2016.  
... free-falling of the economy, lack of food (...) and good stuff ~~are~~is rarely in that country. The majority of the opposition said Maduro ...  
... taking into the consideration ~~on~~of the fact that in ...  
Either parliament ~~want~~wants to impeach the president or not.  
  
Thank you...
Hi, let me give some advice, perhaps useful for you.  
1.~~Today~~ , protest wave in Venezuela ...-----> better if you use recently, nowadays, todays-world  
2.~~On account of~~ In theThe fact that they contra  
3.~~They,~~ furthermore, said Maduro was brought ...----->Furthermore, they said Maduro was brought that country far cry from initial tracks.  
4.they argue that inflation of economic index,
***Some organizations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance.*  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.**  
  
Having a job is a responsibility which is chosen by people. There are many types job such as a employee, a teacher, advertising, a businessman, a driver and so on. Sometimes, people who want to improve their ability in a company or organization, they are do anything such as more creative than other, never come late, focus and confidence.  
  
Some people argue that, having professionalism is important thing as a worker. Because it will make a company or an organization as a place by people to work become more productive. It is directly make a company have good image rather than other. A quality of work by employee effects the developing of an organization. For example, Film production house has had smart, creative, and responsible employee, it will make their company more famous than other, because they have best quality worker.  
  
On the other hand, there are some organizations say that, an employee must wear smart dress. Appearance is one of factor which shows the professionalism of people, as a representative and characteristic a company. Sometimes, Wearing particular dress is a role model by a company as well as in a bank, a hospital, and other. People who have job like that, just not about skills or quality, but appearance is main factor, because their job related with citizens. For example a doctor should smart and warn their dress, because people do not believe, if they just wear casual dress at the hospital. So wearing dress smartly is important also for a worker.  
  
In conclusion, I think that it is depend on how are people job, if they have job in a company they must follow regulation of their company. But if they are a businessman, they do not must wear office dress. On the other hand, having a good quality of work is important also to make people have best reputation.
Hello. this is my suggestion  
  
1. missing prepotition  
There are many types job ---> There are many types *of*job  
2. parallel structure  
article "a/an"  
such as a employee, a teacher, *advertising*, a businessman, a driver and so on--->such as an employee, a teacher, an advertiser, a businessman, a driver and so on.  
  
advertising = noun "the business of trying to persuade people to buy product or services" (Cambridge dict.)  
may be you will mention a person that do advertising---> advertiser  
  
good luck
**The History of our world in 18 minutes by David Christian**  
  
David Christian ask every audience with one question: How does the Universe make complexity? To answer this question, he begins with 13.7 billion years ago when nothing exists and suddenly the core of universe which small as atom appear and expanding very quickly. 380.000 years after big bang simple hydrogen atom appear. With a high temperature, the cloud of hydrogen transformed to star and a large number of a rocky planet.  
  
The next stage, first living organism created from the right amount of energy, chemical reaction, and liquid. In 4 billion years ago, there is a simple living organism such as single cell organism. Then, about 500 million years ago multiple cells organism exists such as fish, reptiles, plants, and dinosaurs. When asteroids wipe out the dinosaurs, our mammalian ancestors thrive and the first Neanderthal man exists about 35 million years ago. And then, the first homo sapiens exists about 200.000 years ago.  
  
The basic difference between human and other animal is human conduct a complex and precise language system, as the resulting human have an ability to transfer knowledge to generation to generation. Human ancestors learn to live in the different environment such as dessert, jungle, even ice age tundra in Siberia. And now, 7 billion of human are linked up globally with the internet.
Hi Yonathan, below are my thoughts to help you out with your revision.  
  
- and suddenly the core of the universe  
- which is as small as atom  
- after big bang, a simple hydrogen atom appeared~~. With~~and with a high  
- to a star and a large number of ~~a~~ rocky planet.  
  
- The next stage, ~~first~~the living organisms created  
- ~~In~~About 4 billion years ago,  
- years ago, (don't forget your punctuation marks ) multiple cells organism  
- ~~And then~~Then , the first homo sapiens  
  
- The basic difference between humans and other  
- animals is that,  
- humans conduct a complex  
- and precise language system~~, as the~~ resulting  
- ~~human have an~~to the ability to transfer  
- ~~And now~~Now , 7 billion of human ...  
  
There you have it Yonathan, overall, it was a pretty well managed essay, a few minor modifications needed and you should be good to go.
***Each year, the crime rate increases.  
What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?***  
  
Increasing number of criminality is certainly a topical issue, as so many felonies are found today. There are several causes for this, but also a number of measures we can take which I will outline now.  
  
The main cause is probably the highest number of social asymmetry and unemployment. As soon as fulfill daily basis and suffering from poverty, Individuals have to ride for a fall such as thieving and robbery. Furthermore, the key cause is the growth of juvenile deliquesces. It means that people, especially youngster, are tempted to experience new action and consume forbidden goods that harmful for them even their surroundings. For instance, most of adolescences that perform criminality such as affray, ravish, and embellishment are affected by drug and alcohol. Finally, many areas of public places and streets still have minimum security from proper authorities. As the result, evil doers utilize their chance to do crime action because they are not protected by policeman or security guard and CCTV.  
  
As a matter of fact, there are various steps that can be taken to lessen the problem. Firstly, governments should provide funds for the pauper. Hence, the authorities need to investigate the people who have the right to get donations, for example the community who are living in slum areas. Another positive development would be for the educator. Teachers and parents as role models have to teach their children pedagogically since they were born in order to prevent them from criminal activity. Lastly, every area should get custody by security and advanced technology like CCTV. This would help to minimize and protect the crime stems.  
  
To sum up, we can say that presence of poverty, uneducated youngster, and limited pacification are the keys causes behind this trend. However, government, educator, and advancement of technology together can reduce the impact.
Hi Ucha  
Let me give you some correction  
  
The Increasing number of criminality ...  
  
As soon as fulfill fulfil daily basis and suffering ...  
... are tempted to experience a new action and consume ...  
For instance, most of the adolescences that ...  
... evil doers utilize utilise their chance to do crime ...  
  
... to get donations, for example (,) the community who ...  
This would help to minimize minimise and protect the crime stems.  
  
Thank you..
hi...  
  
**There are several causes for this, but also a number of measures we ...** ( it will be better when you make a clear position in your task response because it can enhance your score. The most important aspect that you should give specific causes, increasing the number of criminality)  
  
the best paragraph consist of 3 sentences. So, make your paragraph longer in the next writing.  
  
The main cause of **a large number of criminality** is ~~probably the highest number of~~ social asymmetry and unemployment.(Explain why do you think that is the main causes to support your main idea)) As soon as fulfill daily basis ...  
  
(I can say that your explanation are not sufficient to describe that social asymmetry and unemployment are the main causes of the problem)it makes your essay lower in coherence and cohesion  
  
As a matter of fact, there are various steps ...  
  
This is additional idea that you never mentioned before. As i mention before when you explain idea but those are never mention in the task response before i will reduce your coherence and cohesion.  
  
I hope my suggestion is useful for you, keep writing  
I believe when you try to write carefully, it will enhance your writing  
Thank you
***The charts below show the results of a survey on happiness ratings for married and unmarried people in the US, and the effect of children on the overall ratings of married couples.***  
  
The charts give information on the level of happiness for people who are single and have a husband or wife in the US, and then married couples who do not have children and have children by the age of their children. Overall, it can be seen that the rate happiness people is same which is under 50 percent, but humans which have partner life spouse twice happier than the unmarried. In additional, there is a bit difference between the percentage people who have children and they who do not have children in their lives.  
  
There is 45 percent of happy level by people was married at 18-29 years old. It is bigger than young and old people between age groups 30-49 and over 65 who have a level of happiness as much as 44 percent. While age groups 50-65 years old, there is 40 percent of happy level.  
  
The number of percentage who has a level of happiness under 35 percent is unmarried people. Between 18 and 64 age groups have percentages around 21-22 percent, while over 65 years old just 34 percent. Afterwards, people who have children show a level happiness under 50 percent. Having children who under 18 years old for their life have percentages as much as 41 percent. And then 43 percent is the percentages of people do not have children.  
  
*
Hello ReskiRamadani88  
I have some advice to you  
  
people who are single and have a ~~husband or wife~~ in the US  
...i think better if you change with couple  
  
which have partner life spouse twice happier  
....partner= couple, spouse= couple related to wife and husband. i think you just one of them  
  
a bit difference between the percentage people  
...using *between* should have two bodies such between alfa and beta
***Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organization. Do the advantages for the people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?.***  
  
Development in business sector grow rapidly, recently. There are many new business innovations build to getting better salary such as a start-up company. I believe that become an entrepreneur is good choice. Although, many risks but star a company has outweigh the advantages in many sides.  
  
Starting a new business has many benefits. First, this chance to open job opportunities. Many people who unemployment and still become job seekers. Louncing a new start-up company make chance to try their ability in entrepreneur as a worker. This condition can increase their income and productivity so can help government to solve problem especially in jobless rate. Besides, it can make us to be an innovator. For example, handicraft from waste it can rise innovation and build self-esteem like how to change a problem to be income source and it necessary for regularly people, nowadays.  
  
On the other hand, there are some disadvantages for create new corporation. Because high risk for collapse because there is a tight competition with other companies. Example the company with high technology that provides many attractive products. If a company not has equipment that can positioned from the collapse may it will easy go broke. And how cruel the planning to return the corporation in good position. However, the risk is very strong, but I believe the advantages for the start-up corporation is outweigh from the disadvantages.  
  
All in all, there are many unpleasant opportunities that we can experience if we start-up business but the benefit is more than disadvantages, such as it can decrease jobless rate and to fulfill need for self-esteem so it can good chance if it experience properly.
Hello Badafebriani17  
I have some advice to you  
  
business innovations build to get~~ting~~ better salary such ...  
**.....to make a *to infinitive*, after *to* have to follow by Verb bare Infinitive *(get)***  
  
This condition (subj) can increase (verb) their income and productivity (obj) *so* (conj) ...subj... can help (verb) government to solve problem especially in jobless rate (obj)  
  
**....you should add subject to complete your compound sentence**  
  
handicraft from waste (subj)it (subj) can rise innovation  
**....double subject**
Hi, let me give some advice, perhaps useful for you.  
1.business innovations build ~~to getting~~ better salary such as ...---> to infinitive. It means that after **to** should be follow by V1/bare infinitive  
  
2. ... but star a company hasthe disadvantages outweigh the ...  
3.missspeling word  
~~star~~ ----> start  
~~Louncing~~ --->launching  
4.. ... necessary for regularly people, ~~nowadays.~~---> should be put in initial sentence
Hello Badafebriani17 here my suggestions for you  
  
1. Development in business sector grow rapidly, recently.  
You have to add S in *grow* because it is singular for "development..." or you can make it plural with reverse it  
  
2. ... business innovations [THAT] build to getting [get]  
3. I believe that become an entrepreneur is [A] good choice  
4. risks but star [?] >> or you may mean START ?  
5. Many people who unemployment >> unemployed  
6. ~~Louncing~~[LAUNCHING] a new start-up company make chance  
7. If a company [DO] not has equipment that ...  
  
Notice, there are some error writing [typo], it makes readers hard to understand your writing  
  
Keep practising  
GLUCK :D
**The graph below and the chart on the next page show the answers people gave about the extent to which they are satisfied with their lives and what they think would make them happiest.**  
  
The graph provides information about satisfaction with life according to different age and the chart is about things that make people happy across age groups. Overall, it can be seen that the least happiness occur in young age by having money, while money for older people do not make them happy.  
  
In the beginning, both men and women have different satisfying score when men's score is 5.5 and women's score is 5.3. After that, they have similar pattern in 21-30 age group until reach a bottom in 41-50 age group with score 5. In the following years, the trend is upward and hit a high point at 5.6 for everyone age 61-70.  
  
Young people say that money make them happy and decrease sharply in the following age group. On the other hand, health begins from the bottom at about 10 percent and increase to above 40 percent in age more than 75. There is a cross in age group 45-54 between health and money to make people happy.  
  
*   
*The Graph*
*   
*The Chart*
hello, here is my advice for your writing:  
  
1. The line graph provides (...) to different age ~~and~~while the chart is about things ...  
  
2. ... happiness occur in young ~~age~~people by having money, while money for old~~er~~ people do not ...  
  
3. ... different satisfying score ~~when~~which is 5.5 for men and 5.3 for women ..... ~~men's score is 5.5 and women's score is 5.3.~~  
  
4. .....reach a peak ~~a high point~~ at 5.6 for everyone between ~~age~~ 61 and 70 year..........  
  
I think you did it wel, good luck...and keep writing
Hai Mardian! here are my suggestions for you  
  
... least happiness ~~occur~~**occurs** in young age ...  
  
while money for older people ~~do~~**does** not make them happy.  
  
..... until ~~reach~~**reaching** a bottom in 41-50 ...  
  
you are good in writing mardian :)  
but, it will be better if you separate each paragraph clearly.
Hi Mardian, I have a few suggestions for your essay;  
  
- ... information about the satisfaction rating of~~with~~ life according  
- ... be seen that the ~~least happiness occur in~~ young  
- ~~age~~people are happier by having money,  
- ... older people does not make them happy.  
  
- ~~After that~~However , they have similar  
- pattern in 21-30 age group until it reaches the~~a~~ bottom in 41-50 ...  
- ..., the trend is upward and has hit a high point ~~at~~of 5.6 for everyone  
  
- and this has decreased sharply  
- health issues begins from the bottom  
- ~~in~~at the age or more than 75.  
- There is a cross in age group of 45-54 between  
  
There you have it Mardian,I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and overall, the analysis only needs minor modifications and this should help enhance your analysis.
please help me to correct my grammar to improve my writing...thank you  
  
**The history of the universe by *David Christian***  
  
The universe has begun with the second thermodynamic law of physics. How is possible the universe make complexity? The answer could be the universe can create complexity but with big difficulty. In college it called as goldilocks condition which is not too hot and not too cold and complexity increase slightly step by step. 13.7 billions of year ago, there was nothing in the universe and it was so dark. After the big bang, the universe started to happen and expand although it contained a blow at the first. Suddenly, there are some energy such as electro-magnetic and gravity which are produced by the universe and continue to make proton, electron, and neutron. 380.000 years after big bang, simple atom appears which contains hydrogen and helium nuclei for capturing electrons to form stable atoms. Recent study by W map satellites show that big bang can make stars and it makes periodic table of chemistry becomes more complex. In brief, the universe is made by complex big bang which produce stars and all of the living things live in one of the star called as universe.
Hi Gigih12, here are my review towards your essay  
  
...complexity increases slightly step by step...  
  
...it called ~~as~~by goldilocks condition.. [ the collocation for 'call' and followed by 'name' is 'by' -- e.g called by goldilocks ]  
  
... hydrogen and helium nuclei(s) for capturing electrons to form stable atoms..  
[ i think its not contain one nuclei]  
  
...Recent study by W map satellites shows that...  
[ watch your subject and verb agreement ]  
  
...big bang can make stars...  
[ you can replace this word with similiar word, 'make' is verb transitive, ditransitive exactly, it needs 2 object e.g. My mom makes cake to eat]  
  
good luck :)
**Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?**  
  
Significantly, the rate of criminality increase every year. In keeping with that, this is essay will elaborate the causes related this escalating number of crime rate and some possible solutions to tackle it.  
  
There are three approaches to explain the increase in crime rate. Firstly, from economic point of view, it is because of unemployment and the lack of job demand, in case of that the people take a shortcut to commit crime due to fulfill the daily needs. Secondly, from social point of view, the tendency toward social inequality in which the people from lower economic class feel oppressed by the upper and middle class. Thirdly, from the standpoint of culture, the lack of tolerance among the diverse culture tends to cause conflict and leads to a crime.  
  
However, there are several ways can be done due to overcome this problem. Firstly, enabling participation of parents and educational institutions in educating the children as the future generation to have a high value of morality. In addition, it all coming back to the legal sanction, provide strict penalty is required to bring a deterrent effect to other people in order that they do not do the same. Furthermore, it is of course regarding with improvement to the previous three area; economic, social, and culture that cause the preference to involve in criminality.  
  
In conclusion, even though criminality is a serious issue, there are several steps that the government can do to prevent the increase of its rate. Concerns with that, as the whole society have willingness to join hands, it may be possible that the crime rate will decrease.
Hi Dils, I want you obtain some suggestions from me,  
  
here we go  
  
... this is essay will elaborate the causingof this problem related to this escalating number ...  
  
1. make sure your essay is not bias with draw you word completely.  
2. "related" should follow by "to"  
  
... lack of job demand, in this case of that ~~the~~ people take a shortcut to commit crime ~~due to~~during to in the fact that fulfill the daily needs.  
  
... of view, the tendency of toward social (...) from lower economic ~~class~~status feel oppressed by the upper and middle ~~class~~status .  
  
"due to" is presposition, which following by gerund or noun.  
  
In addition, it all comes~~coming~~ back to the legal sanction, [you need a conjunction in here] provide strict penalty is required to bring a ...  
  
Concerns with that, as the whole society have willingness ... [make sure your conclusion was summarize all of your thought]