dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Excluding males or females from certain profession because of gender

  
  
*Prompt*  
**Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain profession because of their gender? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience**  
  
In a common situation, there have been always differences between men and women in the types of works. However, in my view, both women and men should have the freedom to apply for the job that they want.  
  
Men and women can work in any professional work. They should have a similar chance to get a job. If they have enough competency, workplaces should not consider them based on gender. Nevertheless, workplaces should think about based on their experience, educational background, and other capabilities that they have.  
  
Some professional requires a certain skill in women and men such as physical strength. However, women and men can educate themself to fulfill their competence for a requirement in workplaces. For instance, if men want to be able to work in a beauty salon, they should learn about the makeup field. Besides, if women want to be police, they should train themself to have a physical appearance suitable for police demands.  
  
Furthermore, equal gender in workplaces has some benefits. For example, workplaces will have a variety that can make a better atmosphere. As a consequence, there is an influence on workers and can increase productivity and motivation for work. Moreover, they will be increased profit in companies.  
  
In conclusion, both men and women have the same opportunity to apply for a job. They should be judged by their competency in the job applied by them. On the other hand, they can train themself to fulfill company needs. The equality of gender in the workplace will give advantages for workers and influence profits in companies.
Using a 5 paragraph format for a 4 paragraph essay is inefficient. It does not allow you to create cohesive and coherent discussion paragraphs because you are discussing too much information separately. You should work on creating quick, coherent, and properly developed paragraphs within 2 reasoning paragraphs. As long as you provide:  
  
- A topic sentence  
- A reason for the topic  
- An example  
- A supporting explanation for the example  
- A proper transition sentence to the next topic'  
  
You will be able to present better explanations than you have now and also, focus on the coherence and cohesiveness of your paragraphs. You presented good discussion paragraphs, the reasoning is simple and clear, but a bit disconnected at times. The lack of development stems from the lack of discussion presentation as I indicated above.  
  
The 2 reasoning paragraph is best used for 98 percent of the Task 2 essays. Only the A/D, C&C, Comparison with personal opinion essays use the 5 paragraph format. There are clear differences between the discussions that make the use of a 4 paragraph or 5 paragraph discussion best for the presentation. If you can identify when to use the correct reasoning paragraphs, then you will have a better score overall.  
  
An additional problem, is the improper prompt restatement on your part. While you topic summary is similar, the discussion paraphrase is where the problem came in for your presentation:  
  
*DI: Is it right to exclude males or females from certain profession because of their gender?  
Response: both women and men should have the freedom to apply for the job that they want.  
Correct Response: I hold the point of view that gender specific issues should not prevent males and females from seeking employment in any occupation.*  
  
Make sure that you always include the full original reason for discussion in your prompt restatement to meet task accuracy requirements. It helps you to deliver clear opinions based on the choices you are provided with in the original presentation.
## I won't complain

  
  
London is now under Tier 4 coronavirus restrictions.  
"I wonder who will actually listen to these rules and guidelines this Christmas"   
"Ignore them and celebrate Christmas with loved ones and friends."  
  
I am shocked.  
I am shocked to read how people complain when their freedom is restrained for the sake of their good health and security.  
I am shocked to witness that people aren't ready to limit their liberties for a global cause.  
Yes, I won't see my family for Christmas. But yes I understand the reason and I understand why this decision was taken.  
  
But especially,  
  
I am **extremely shocked.**  
Because there is a massive environmental crisis coming right towards us and we urgently need to be able to restrict our liberties.  
So, I understand the causes of global warming, I understand the reason why 67% of wild animals disappeared in 40 years. And now I want decisions to be taken to restrict our freedom for the sake of future generations.  
  
*And I won't complain.*
The message of the essay is one of submission without contradiction. As a writer, the sentiments of the people should be reflected in your prose at the very start. Not just your opinion. Surely you balked at the idea of submitting to the Tier 4 lock-down as well right? Include your thoughts about it at that point. The thoughts of the people around you would have helped make the first part, of resistance before submission, highly interesting. You cannot merely submit without first resisting. Resistance is required for the complete information of the reader. A reason for your and the public's submission must also be clear beyond simply "it is the law".  
  
The word shocked is used repeatedly throughout the essay, causing reader fatigue. Unless you were instructed to use the word repeatedly in the essay, this shows a severe lack of vocabulary skill on your part. You do not know any equivalent words for the term, which made the poem repetitive and boring to the reader. Simply adding the word "extremely" does not change the fact that the word is overused in the essay.
Some ppl believe that children can learn effectively by watching tv and they should be encouraged to watch tv both at home and at school.to what extent do you agree or disagree?  
  
A television-rich environment has recently grown beyond recognition, bringing a new set of concerns with it. Then, some folks advocate the most prevalent media that will reap benefits for the development of children' personality. Nevertheless, in some advantageous settings, I would suggest that mass television viewing may actually convince a bunch of negative exposures.  
  
Without doubt, the creation of telegenic contents brings all supplement vision to avid learners. By virtue of serving as powerful pro-social teaching devices, active recreational settings incorporated with amiable character can easily edify precious dignities or even improve academic performance. Watching sesame street is an example of how toddlers can absorb valuable lessons about racial harmony, cooperation, kindness, simple arithmetic and the alphabet as an educational television format. Moreover, with the advent of wireless connection, the opportunity of understanding about the surrounding world is no longer a challenge.in other words, public programs stimulate the developmental level to a certain extent.  
  
But frankly speaking, the flux of passive tobacco propaganda through broadcast networks have promoted a more implicit but no less clear concept of most underage children. In a little more detail, excessive individuals smoking scenes expand adolescent presentation to cigarettes despite the fact that authorities have banned smoke commercials on TV. I have a feeling that This exposure of product replacement makes those practices appear okay. Hence, it is not by accident that recent estimation has shown the rising likelihood that young viewers will associate themselves with smoking.  
  
In conclusion, television has a significant credibility for providing youth with access to a source of information while attaching with profound detriments. Therefore, parental guidance should wisely explain why some programs are not suitable and praise children for making applicable choices.
IELTS Writing Task II  
  
***Popular hobbies and interests change over time and are more a reflection of trends and fashions than an indication of what individuals really want to do in their spare time.  
  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?***  
  
Several leisure activities become fashionable ephemerally and disappear when a new trend comes along whereas others seem to be perennially popular. Therefore, I can only partly agree with the assertion that well-known hobbies are more a reflection of fashions than true interest.  
  
On the one hand, it is, beyond all dispute, that some recreations are only passing trends. Individuals, especially youngsters, take up these recreations owing to either their current novelty or popularity among their peers. For instance, my younger sibling seems to have a different hobby each month, as he joins in with the latest craze that sweeps through his primary school. For the last year or so, he has been obsessed with Rubik, spinning tops, yo-yo, slime, and puzzles. Similarly, adults' fitness trends change from jogging to doing yoga or going to the gymnasium, and I doubt that these trends' participants will be interested in them in the long term.  
  
On the other hand, several citizens spend their time doing hobbies that are far from trendy. Although some leisure activities such as playing chess, basketball, or football have existed since time immemorial, they are still many people's top-rated pastimes in this day and age. Citizens who take up these interests are inevitably not doing something fashionable or wasting their time on things that they do not like. On the contrary, they are passionate about these recreations because they simply find it absorbing and pleasurable. From my perspective, I would say many people feel the same about reading books, playing sports, and listening to music.  
  
In conclusion, some individuals' recreations change over time to follow the latest hobby trends whereas others do popular leisure activity owing to its exhilarating quality.  
  
*Thank you for your reading and opinions in advance.*
There is no " partly" in the discussion presentation. When you are asked to what extent you agree or disagree, the correct form for the response is "I agree with this idea only up to the point that (reasoning topic 1) and (reasoning topic 2). This sentence format clearly indicates a measured response (up to the point...) by presenting your reasons for the partial support (or non support) of the discussion. The word "partly" is oftentimes used by students in this type of essay, without realizing that it does not actually help to increase the TA score which is based on a solid opinion regarding a particular discussion instruction. Partly means you are not really making a decision / you do not have a clear opinion regarding the topic. By indicating the actual extent of your discussion, based on the reasons you will be providing, you will be presenting a clearer opinion and discussion outline that will benefit your TA score.  
  
An extent essay limits your discussion to only one point of view. The word "or" requires you to defend one side only. Remember that the discussion requires you to present the "extent" of your support or non support for the topic presented. That is a clear indicator that you have to defend you opinion using 2 strong supporting reasons. You will only receive a score for the paragraph that supports your previously stated opinion (if you clearly stated one, which you did not). That means your essay is now under the minimum 250 word count, and will receive word percentage deductions for the non applicable paragraph.  
  
The conclusion is not an effective summary statement because you wrote less than 40 words. The conclusion must always accomplish the following to help increase your TA score in the form of a reverse paraphrase:  
  
- Discussion topic  
- Opinions presented as the reason for the topic  
- Restate your opinion  
- Restate your reasons  
  
Effectively written, a summary conclusion can help you achieve a passing score in the Task 2 essay. There are no irrelevant paragraphs in the presentation. All the paragraphs have an effect on your individual scoring considerations.
Essay Prompt:  
***Some people believe that everyone has a right to have access to university education and that governments should make it free for all students no matter what financial background they have.***  
  
## To what extend do you agree or disagree?

  
  
As tuition fees have witnessed an inexorable increase in the past ten years, it is argued that everybody is entitled to attend tertiary education, and that governments should provide free-of-charge education for all students despite their socio-economic background. In my point of view, although this would bring some certain benefits to the underprivileged, abolishing tuition fees would have an adverse bearing on both students and society.  
  
To begin with, the free-college policy would put a positive impact on each individual. Students, for example, especially those who cannot afford higher education, would stand a chance of having a variety of job opportunities, and therefore, have a better life. On top of that, this policy would also bring a lot of benefits to society. When governments cover higher education tuition, all students would have a chance to persue college which would likely lead to a more educated workforce. As a result, their country is expected to delevop with a thriving economy.  
  
That said, waiving tuition could also do students a disservice. As you may know, the labor market has become more and more competitive. Thus, it's hard to guarantee an adequate number of occupations, if there are too many people with college qualifications. Let's take HCM University of Education as an example. Because it wholly subsidizes tertiary education, graduated students have found it extremely challenging to find a job as a teacher in public schools. Another downside is that making university free of charge might put a strain on society. Since covering tuition would reduce welfare and lead to budget deficit, governments would likely consider tax hikes.  
  
To sum up, while the tuition waiver seems to have potential benefits for both students and society, governments should also consider the pressure it would put on the national budget. I personally believe that they should not cover higher education tuition for everyone.
Incorrect discussion format. You failed to respond to the main question which is: To what extent do you agree or disagree? That is based on your opinion of the given statement, not on a personal opinion of a discussion unrelated to the given task.  
  
OT: Some people believe that everyone has a right to have access to university education and that governments should make it free for all students no matter what financial background they have.  
  
YT: As tuition fees have witnessed an inexorable increase in the past ten years...  
  
Note the discrepancy within the 2 topic presentations. There are specific information that should be contained in the rephrasing of the discussion. The information provided should be restated, without the addition of information that cannot be supported by the original statement. The quote above from YT (Your Topic) includes the irrelevant information that will cause the TA score to receive deductions. Do not add personal information in the paraphrase section. Use only the provided data.  
  
You failed to respond to the discussion question as well:  
  
DI: To what extend do you agree or disagree?  
R: In my point of view, although this would bring some certain benefits to the underprivileged, abolishing tuition fees would have an adverse bearing on both students and society.  
  
You will fail the Task Accuracy portion immediately due to an unrelated response. This, overall, shall force the failure of your essay presentation. As you never did respond to the question during any point of your discussion.  
  
Reasons for failure:  
- Non task compliance  
- Incorrect response to the prompt  
- Response does not relate to the given topic
***Some people say that modern technology has made shopping today easier, while others disagree.***  
## Discuss both views and give your opinion

  
Please help me improve my writing skill. Much appreciated!  
  
In the modern days, it is undeniable that advanced technology has made great innovation in the way of shopping. Therefore, the major society prefers to buy items online, while the rest hold the opposite viewpoint. To the best of my knowledge, I am in approval of the first contention. The reasons will be given after discussing both views.  
  
To begin with, the main reason against online shopping is that individuals can easily waste money unworthily. Various items with diverse quantities appear to be overwhelmed on the Internet. Therefore, customers with carelessness face the risk of buying low-quality goods or unsuitable ones. In a more serious case, they can be deceived to lose a massive amount of money because of the lax cybersecurity. That's explaining the offends of using modern automation to buy.  
  
On the contrary, despite having few downsides, shopping online 's merits still overweight. Firstly, it vanishes the geographical distance between customers and sellers. Instead of going to a certain department, citizens nowadays can buy goods just by a virtual click. Consequently, consumers will have a wide range of choices of prices and qualities, while the sellers have more buyers. Secondly, online purchases can create exponential stimulation in the national economy. Since the exchange between retailers and customers become more convenient, the community's purchase will increase. As a result, the country's prosperity will ascend considerably.  
  
In my opinion, while I believe that modern technology has modified shopping to be easier, I admit that there are some valid in the opposing argument. Lax cybersecurity is the main fear of online shopping. Therefore, in order to improve national economy effectively, governments have to reinforce virtual safety to protect individuals who purchase online from online deceivers.  
  
In conclusion, although I greatly support the argument that advanced technology has innovated the approaches of shopping to be more at ease, I believe that cybersecurity should be strengthened so as to guarantee the safety of online shopping for customers. Modern automation can benefit humanity in various field, including purchases, as long as we know how to utilize it approriately.
You have the correct format for this essay. As there are 2 types of formatting for the task 2 essay, you need to be able to identify when to use the 4 paragraph, or 5 paragraph format. In this instance, you chose correctly. This is a 5 paragraph essay. If there are any problems with your presentation paragraphs, you will find it in the following areas:  
  
Errors:  
1. Prompt paraphrase  
- You chose to make a factual claim ( It is undeniable...) rather than simply state a topic for discussion as shown in the original  
- You gave an opinion immediately, without first considering the 2 discussion points. You should not have given an opinion at that point, only stated that you will provide an opinion after the comparison. This would be in accordance with the 5 paragraph format.  
  
1. Reasoning paragraphs  
- You are using excessive vocabulary that creates an incoherent sentence in the first reasoning paragraph (error word: unworthily). (Deduction: Lexical Resource)  
- The last sentence in this paragraph does not make sense. There is no logic to the presentation of the sentence format. This may have been a transliteration on your part, which caused to translate word for word from your mother tongue. It does not make sense (Deduction: Coherence and Cohesiveness + Lexical Resource)  
  
- Lack of discussion development. In the second reasoning paragraph, the second topic you presented covers only 2 sentences, leading to a confusing statement in that section. (Deduction: Cohesiveness and Coherence)  
  
3. Personal Opinion  
- You changed the point of discussion in your personal statement. Rather than simply choosing to discuss if online shopping has made buying items easier or not, you focused on cybersecurity instead. ( Deduction: Task Accuracy)  
  
4. Conclusion:  
- Rather than a reverse paraphrase, you presented a discussion based on cybersecurity. Another incorrect paragraph discussion presentation. ( Deduction: Task Accuracy)  
  
The results of these errors shall be a failing score. Even though you followed the 5 paragraph format, the change in discussion topic, insufficient discussion presentation, and problematic vocabulary will prevent you from getting a passing score.
## not only math is crucial in business

  
  
It is the fact that these days Math is a crucial subject in the curriculum of students. While I believe that having knowledge about maths can generate some certain benefit for the learner in business, I also admit that this can be inaccurate for some special situations.  
  
On the one hand, maths can create some advantages which help the learner to succeed in business. Firstly, learning math can help the student to become more logical and intelligent. This is very important toward people in business or investing in some fields which requires a high accuracy as financial because just an unintelligent decision of investors, their career and property can immediately disappear. Additionally, studying math well can help people to enhance patience, hardness, and improve their ability to focus on work. As a result, people who study math can easily acquire success, especially with some majors related to accounting.  
  
On the other hand, besides math, several other knowledge needs to be equipped to serve in business. First and foremost, successful businessmen need to have outstanding leadership besides knowledge to lead their group to achievement. Hence, Cultivating soft skills and the qualification of communications can bring more benefit than just math. Secondly, with the development of economy, social knowledge seems more and more significant than math. To be specific, when a businessman communicates with their partner to cooperate, the stories about the aspect of society can be the main topic to discuss, from that negotiating can become easier and more rapid, and creating the sustainable success foundation in the future.  
  
In conclusion, although math has some certain advantages in helping people to succeed in business, I also suggest that people should combine other knowledge and skills to remain and promote success in the future.
Why did you write a comparative essay when this is an extent response essay? Your prompt paraphrase has problems based on your presentation because you are making false claims ( It is a fact...) when the original presentation only made a general statement rather than a verified claim. Then, you offered a comparative response to the given question rather than an extent answer that would have clearly stated a single opinion coming from you. The essay is written in an incorrect format because:  
  
1. There is no proper prompt paraphrase  
2. There is no clear opinion presented based on the single opinion requirement of the essay  
3. The discussion was done in comparative form rather than the required "2 reasons for a single opinion" defense  
  
Based on the discussion format alone, it will already be difficult for this essay to garner a passing score. You must become familiar with the discussion formats. There are only 2 types of discussions:  
  
1. Comparative  
2. Single opinion  
  
Once you identify what type of discussion accompany each type of discussion, you should be able to present the proper opinion presentation and discussion format for your paper.