dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**As the number of private cars has increased, so too has the level of pollution in many cities. What can be done tackle this increasingly common problem?**  
  
## Cars and Pollution

  
  
There is no doubt that global warming is the primary problem that world is facing today and pollution is the main cause of it. Pollution is directly proportional to the number of cars each individual is using today. In this I will provide some solutions along with the examples.  
  
The main source of pollution is the harmful gases like Carbon monoxide etc. which emits from the vehicle. These gases then pollute the environment and cause death threatening diseases. This is problem because today the number of car is rapidly increased in many cities. As every individual commute to the office by their own car. For Instance, Delhi newspaper reported that in recent three years 40 percent more cars are running on the roads and subsequently pollution is also gained momentum in parallel. This problem can be solved if people start sharing their car and then individuals who are working in same company go by the car pooling option. As a result of this, there will be less number of cars running on the road and which consequently reduce the pollution.  
  
Number of cars on road also increases the chances of traffic along with pollution. Therefore to solve this issue, it is importance that individual should also use the public transport alternatively which is very convenient and cheap today. In this they will do the personal savings and also help the environment. For Example, The government of Delhi started the odd/even rule in the city i.e. alternatively odd and even number cars will run on the road. This had an immense impact on the pollution level in positive manner. Thus, government of respective cities should also provide the solutions which will help in minimizing the pollution in environment.  
  
In conclusion, pollution is not a problem which is insurmountable it can be controlled if every individual contribute towards the society by choosing the car pool option and also use public transport frequently. It is also the responsibility of government to take strict measures in protecting the environment.
Mayank, save for a number of grammatical problems related to sentence structure and lexical resources, you have presented a somewhat impressive essay. The prompt paraphrasing and discussion presentation in the first paragraph is very acceptable and allowed the reader to gain a sense of what to expect as per your upcoming discussions. You seem to have a problem with the use of capital letters though. You often use it in the wrong areas of the sentences. Just remember that only the first letter of a word at the start of a new sentence needs to be capitalized. Everything else after that, unless considered a proper noun, need not capitalize the first letter of the word. Your discussion is sound and does not cause the reader too much stress. Your English sentence structure is simple enough to get your message across accurately. You should be proud of the work that you did here. I think it can easily score a 5 with this kind of essay.
## Internet - blessing or a curse?

  
  
Nowadays, with the striking development of technology, special is the Internet. It has impacted to the life-style with people all over the world. In my opinion, it is great change so that people can be closer.  
  
By the Internet, loved ones can meet together although how distance far they are, it's so great if we can see and hear the voice of our family when they far million and million of km to us.  
  
By the Internet, we can look at everything all over the world such as famous places, sight-seeing landscape, special festival, etc... Admittedly, we also can stay at home and learn every lesson from school . It's very suitable for disability and people who are too busy to come to school.  
  
Then, through the Internet, people are saving a vast amount of money when they can live in Vietnam and do a business in America which is very easy.  
  
However, Internet is place for illegal activities such as buy and sell weapons, illegal trade, blackmail, etc...So, among government and people have to control closely to protect themselves and use the Internet right.  
  
By the way of conclusion, Internet is the most important thing in the modern life. We need to control it to make our life more comfortable.
Linh, your opening statement is incomplete as you did not properly represent that your opinion will be discussed in the body of the essay as indicated by the prompt requirement. In the outline of the opening statement, you need to present the paraphrased topic along with the instructions for the body paragraph discussion. Therefore, the two points of view plus your personal opinion should have comprised the outline in paragraph one. Towards the end, your opinion should always be presented as a stand alone paragraph and never as a part of the concluding statement. The concluding statement should not contain anything more than the summarized body of discussion and a restatement of your personal opinion. New information cannot be included in a concluding statement as it is normally used to closed the essay. Hence, there is no space to fully develop additional information if it is presented in that section. Overall, this essay looks like it can garner you a 4 as a final score. The score is based upon my above observations.
*With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered as they lose their habitat and some are even threatened to the point of extinction.*  
  
## the importance of animals protection

  
  
The number of animal species in danger is rising rapidly as their habitats are destroyed and some are even driven to the point of extinction. This is the result of deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting. Personally, I agree that it is vital to protect animals and measures must be taken to tackle this problem.  
  
There are reasons why protecting animals is crucial. Firstly, we live in a world where together all species make up this delicately balanced ecosystem and the disappear of any animal species might cause a chain reaction on the entire system, including humans. For example, many of our crop plants rely on pollinating birds and mammals to produce seeds. And the decline in these animals would result in decrease in our food supply. Secondly, a great diversity of animal species can act as a source of art and entertainment, enriching human lives. For example, the peacock with its colorful tail, a great inspiration to humans, has been reflected in art and literature of many cultures.  
  
Solutions must be applied to solve this problem. One step is government must eliminate corruption and ensure fair enforcement of forest and wildlife conservation policies. By strictly enforcing these preservation laws, rules and regulations, deforestation and illegal hunting can be limited. Another step is the promotion of building sustainable and environmentally friendly cities that embrace safe habitats and environmental conditions for animal species. For example, such economy based on sustainable environment such as investment in green infrastructure, green public transportation, and renewable energy should be encouraged. Further more, individuals must be educated to be aware of their responsibility for protecting threatened animal species. People can choose to buy recycled paper and sustainable products like bamboo, which can contribute to protect forest animal species.  
  
In conclusion, I totally agree that it is crucial to protect animals and solutions must be implemented to tackle this issue.
Lam, aside from the almost plagiarized presentation of the prompt discussion in your opening statement, you have written a well developed essay that shows an understanding of the prompt requirements and a definite opinion regarding the discussion you were asked to present. With that said, I have to caution you about the problem with your paraphrased opening statement.  
  
The first paragraph of the essay is meant to test your TA abilities. As such, you are expected to deliver your own version or understanding of the discussion provided. The way that you wrote your version of the topic for discussion is still too similar to the original and also follows the same speech pattern. That makes it a very weak paraphrasing which, in the end, could affect the TA score in a big manner. Please do your best to totally change the prompt discussion presentation in your next practice test. That is the only way to assure yourself of a high TA score from the very start of the essay.  
  
Your discussion is high appropriate and shows a strong English background. Aside from mistakenly starting a sentence with the word "And" when there was no previous idea or opinion to attach to it, the essay proves that you have the ability to create complex sentences in an intermediate sort of way. Make sure to review the written grammar rules as this is a proven weak point for you at this point. Don't start sentences with "And" or "Because".  
  
The conclusion must also be strengthened in your next test. Make sure to develop at least 3 lines for the closing statement as the required minimum is 3 with a maximum of 5 sentences. Properly summarizing the discussion at the end will help to further increase the TA and GRA score of the overall essay. Don't just restate your opinion. Remind the reader of the important aspects of the discussion first.  
  
Overall, the strength of the discussion that you developed could easily earn you a score of 5 for the TA and GRA with a 6 for the rest of the test requirements (LR, C&C).
***Hi Lam**, I wanna give you my review of your essay. You have needed a few improvement for finalizing this.  
In the first paragraph, you have shown a thesis statement. However, you require developing that if you wanna obtain a high score. You are used to giving general description briefly about what you would review in the body paragraph. Two or three words can become your representation about your opinion to cover underline of them. In addition, you seemed confused to decide when you want to locate a conjunction and linking word. As we know, the linking word is essential because it can create the good flow which influences your score for coherence. Therefore, you have to be aware of delivering the proper transitional words.  
  
Turning your body paragraph, You should present a supporting sentence for your second reason in the first body paragraph. Personally, I guess your sentence is less strong and can become a layman's opinion. Following this, you mentioned a solution, but you did not explain that strongly. The statement "The government must eliminate corruption" did not have the supporting sentence to make sure readers that it is the solution. Unfortunately, your example in the second body paragraph could not strengthen your view because you did not display the clear and related example. For the conclusion, you have to develop that again. When you can create the meaningful thesis statement, I think you can write the good conclusion because you only paraphrase the thesis statement previously. You only restate your view again. Besides that, you have to remember that the good paragraph should have at least 3 sentences.  
  
Hopefully, those can give suggestions for your essay.  
Happy Writing*
@Holt  
I'm appreciated your correction. I have rewritten my essay.  
I have tried to paraphrase the opening statement, avoiding plagiarizing:  
*The number of endangered animal species is rising rapidly as deforestation, urbanization and illegal hunting are causing the loss of their habitat. This has driven some of them to the verge of extinction.*  
  
And in the body paragraph, I have also added more clear examples for my solution:  
*For those reasons above, the government and individuals must take steps to address this problem. One step is government must pass forest and wildlife preservation laws, rules and regulations. For example, official ban on killing and taking advantages of selling meat, fur, skin and other products from threatened animals must be published. Another step is conservation parks must be built to maintain natural habitat for those animals. Further more, individuals must be educated to be aware of their responsibility for protecting threatened animal species. People can choose to buy recycled paper and sustainable products like bamboo, which can contribute to protect forest animal species.*  
  
And the conlusion has been rewritten:  
*In conclusion, I totally agree that it is crucial to protect endangered animals. As they contribute to the balance of ecosystem which is considered to be an imperative condition for human development and they are highly appreciated for their aesthetic role. Thus, both the government and individuals must work out the solutions to save those animal species from extinction.*
@blu  
Hi! I am a student and I am learning IELTS too. Therefore I will give you some better advice.  
  
In the introduction, you should write: Nowaday, people use all the space to develop the big cities, to build so many buildings or architecture, Not only they do that but also the law is not really strong enough for people destroy forest illegally.consequently, That is really dangerous because There are a thousand of pieces of trees and animals. if they disappear, the world will become collapse, something like that, people will not have oxi to breath  
  
you should use more beneficial words for your essay such as therefore, consequently or such as to connect your idea or you sentences. you should give two problems and two solutions. I think it will gain your score
It's an essay on one thing to send to another plant to represent the human race. I'm not loving it so far; any suggestions?  
  
## What Represents the Human Race?

  
  
Flowers are something I feel we all take for granted. In most places, they are so common that it is easy to go on day by day not taking in all the beauty and everything it represents. However I believe that these flowers that are found so easily represent us humans perfectly. Flowers come in so many shapes and sizes, but even if they may look similar, every flower has something unique and creates different moods that no other has; just like humans. Some are poisonous or cause allergies, as not all humans are good intentionally or not. Every flower is beautiful, but deciding which is the most beautiful is in the eye of the beholder. They also need nurture, and care in the right conditions for it to grow successfully. When many flowers come together, they create something beautiful, and although humans have caused catastrophic events to earth, life and all it has to offer is something words cannot describe. I don't know one single person who hasn't gone through something difficult, but it has helped them become who they are today. Flowers are similar in that they may have gone through heavy winds, rains, or floods but it has allowed them to become stronger once they've grown. For these reasons, if I had to pick one thing to represent the human race to an outside planet, I would choose a flower as it shows both the good and bad that we humans have to offer.
Jenny, this is not a bad first attempt at a draft. The idea of sending a flower to another planet is interesting. However, you should not just say "flowers" or "flower" in general. Each flower, as you describe, is just like a human being, with different personalities, features, and purposes for its existence. So, if you want to better focus the essay in order to make it more meaningful, choose a series of flowers to send that you feel share human traits or describe human beings. Don't generalize the approach because the aliens will not have any idea that flowers are different from one another. We know that, but they don't. So you should either pick a set of flowers and name them or, pick one flower that you feel best represents the human race. In my opinion though, since man is a helpful species, I would not send flowers but plants instead. That is because plants represent the good in man. For example, I would send an Aloe Vera plant because has healing purposes like a human doctor. As such, it would help to explain a few human traits such as being a healer and giving life. It gives life because it its leaves can be eaten, thus giving man life sustenance. A cactus plant, can represent both the good and bad in man because when threatened, it can cause injury. When dealt with properly, it offers water and relief to the thirst person. Or something like that. I think plants would better describe humans than flowers in another planet. That is just a suggestion for your consideration. A good effort overall though. I just think it should be better directed than this in terms of discussion.
Could anybody review and correct it for me? Thank you very much!  
  
**Some parents forbid young children from owning smart phones (cell phones with Internet access), while others disagree and believe that they are important tools for keeping in touch. Which point of view do you think is better, and why?**  
  
## Easy access to smartphones

  
  
Nowadays, technological advances has improved many older or replace outdated inventions. These changes includes enabling cell phones to access the Internet. Many considers it useful for communication and hand these smart phones to children, mostly at school age. This - however - is very harmful to children and can cause serious damage if children are not properly guided.  
  
Firstly, if children are given access to these smart phones at school age, it may interfere with the students' ability to study effectively. Since these phones can connect to the Internet, students might get distracted by games and online videos. For instance, a student who fell victim to the distractions of the Internet may receive grades that are worse than their usual performance. This is why parents should not give children access to smart phones at an early age since it distract children away from learning.  
  
Secondly, children can be tempted to use these phones in a long period of time which can cause damage to their eyes. Without proper monitoring, they can spend hours online reading, playing games or watching videos. In several cases, the children's' eyesight were severely damage and sometimes, the damage proves irreversible. Many of my classmates would spend hours at night online or just staring at the bright smart phone screens for a prolonged period of time. The consequence was not pretty as nearly every one of them had has their phones confiscated and must wear glasses.  
  
Finally, some would argue that smart phones could grant children an easy way to communicate. But the same would hold true for much cheaper cell phones that cannot access the Internet. The main function of communicating with others is basically the same with every phones so there are no reasons for parents to waste money on an expensive smart phone that their children can easily abuse.  
  
In general, I disagree with parents who gives children smart phones because of all the distractions, eye damage and the fact that regular phones can also be used to communicate. There is no reason for parents to waste such a large amount of money on cell phones for children at such a young age.
Hai, you misunderstood the prompt instructions and as such, delivered a related but inadequately presented essay discussion of the topic. This misrepresentation caused your score to fall to a 3. The explanation for this is simple, you were asked to discuss which point of view you believe is better. Instead, you discussed the harm and damage that cellphone use can cause children. What you should have done in the opening statement, was depict which point of view you supported and then explained why in the succeeding paragraphs. If you review your essay, you will find that you did not accomplish the task properly. For some reason though, your conclusion managed to get back on track in the proper discussion of the prompt requirements. The problem, is that the discussion did not belong in the conclusion and your earlier paragraphs already created the mistaken discussion that caused the low score.
## ways to broaden children horizons

  
  
It is reported that many children always wastes time playing computer games and watching TV more than children spends a little hour on housework. Therefore, advanced needful parents a lot of soft skills their children by parents instruction children to make a daily work, children can self -explore and problem- solving skills of yourself.  
  
For every individual, task around the house a lot of advantage for children. There are three benefits everyone can see, first of all, express their love and learn how to share work with their parents. In your free time, children have seen a work daily of your mother, children are in the imitate habit your mother. For example, in the weekend children may help with the mother by sweeping the floors... this is an action that they have help children relax after study and children was a good build relationship with your family. The second benefits, not spend much time watching TV or playing computer games, children contribute to saving energy, only watching TV to fix the time of parents. Finally, prepare for their future life and gain experience children know to make housework, parents will feel secure about his children's. For example, when parents missing from home they can self-conscious to take care of your self. To sum of, children had better do housework chores this is skills plays an important role in our life.  
  
In the other hand, When children household chores at that moment the kids we will develop the confidence and ability to complete one's mission, It is necessary for help family to do put away toys, wash the dishes. so children may create a happy atmosphere in the family. Children have been trying to practice more clever skills of yourself. Children a great opportunity manual worker at around the house of your family such as empty the trash, dust the furniture, sweep the floor. The children skills are wonderful of your life. Besides, this is learning opportunity the combination of cardinal number and readability when to a workhouse. For example, the mother a teacher to learn to count or learn a new vocabulary in a work daily. In conclusion, children are always helpful to increase.  
  
Parents need to errand for children should not too heavy to do workhouse or in all the firm's to work children to make task around the house is negligent spoils furniture, parents have the amiable attitude on their children and to teach the children next time have carefully.In other opinions that children should not do house the chores because children can not concentrate on my studies, if children made housework, children will have to bad learn's.  
  
Thus, children had better learn a lot of skills of your life, and not only increase knowledge real but also the most superior ways to broaden the children horizons.