dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Language is the most important way of communication. Either human or other creatures speak with their language. People talk with language to know each other's mean. The world has so many languages and has so many different cultures too. And there is connection between language and culture.  
  
Nowadays, in this modern era, people are able to go somewhere easily, from place to the other. They will meet other people who are native resident there. Everyplace have different cultures even in one country. Communication is important here. The native will tell us the resident habit. We cannot know what they told until we know their language or we ask someone to be our guide and translate all what the people said. Even we have same language with them but sometimes it has different meaning too. For example, In UK, people said that football is common sport that we see at the TV,but in The US football means rugby game. If an England goes to The US then talk about football with the native so he or she will explain about rugby. Soccer means football at there.  
  
However, it is a little bit difficult to someone to know about other languages. This time, many people travel to many places around the world, from one city to other cities, from one country to the others even to other continents. So the simplest way is ask or hire someone who is native resident to be a guide.  
  
Finally, we live in this world with other people who live near or far from us. In some situations we know that we have different culture with them, so we have to learn about them especially in culture. I think if we want to go somewhere we have to know their common language although we only know a little bit vocabularies.
Hi Kimchi  
let me give you some correction  
  
... most important way form of communication.  
The this world has so many languages ...  
And there is a connection ...  
We ~~cannot~~do not know what they told ...  
... that football is a common sport that we see ~~at~~on the TV,but in The US ...  
So the simplest way is to ask or hire someone ...  
  
Thank you...
Hi. Let me give some advice, perhaps useful for you.  
1. The world has so many languages and has so many different cultures too.----> redudancy  
better you can change with : a large number of, array of, a large quantity, so your sentence not looks like monotonous. or another option is you can merge:The world has so many languages and ~~has so many~~ different cultures ~~too.~~  
  
2.First,you should write the question in your essay, so other people will know about the question and can analyze of your essay. Secondly, fortunately i know the question, the question about agree and disagree. So,you should make clear sentence that you are n the position of agree or disagree about the statement in the question.  
  
3.Common pattern in writing essay is :  
-paraphrase the question,your statement depend on you (agree or disagree), body 1,body 2 and conclusion.
Hi Abdul hakim  
Let me give some advice for your writing  
  
It is much better if you put the question before your writing, hence people can understand what the question needs to be answered on your writing.  
  
from place to the other (from one place to other places)  
  
Everyplace ~~have~~has different cultures  
  
what they ~~told~~tell until we ...  
  
that we see ~~at the TV~~on TV  
  
in ~~The~~ US football means rugby game  
  
If ~~an England~~ British people go~~es~~ to ~~The~~ US then talk about  
  
bit difficult ~~to~~for someone to know ...  
  
Best Regard
The pie chart compares the household outlays in a country between 1950 and 2010. Overall, It is clear that the household expenditures in all items showed an alteration during the time frame. With the exception of housing and education, all figures increased.  
  
According to the graph, in 1950, housing became the majority aspect that societies spent their money for, but this fell dramatically to 22% in 2010. Meanwhile, with only more than one to twenty, education came in the third initially. However, its rate decreased slightly at the end of the period, making it place in the four rate.  
  
Turning to another comparison, with 11,2 percent, food occupied the second position initially while a small proportion was seen in the figure for both transportation and healthcare. The 60 following years showed an increase in these data with around 11% and 2% for transportation and healthcare while a significant proportion by 23% was showed in the food, making it dominate all figures at the end of the period.  
  
*
Hi Mr Edho Saifullah  
Let me give a little correction for your writing  
  
The pie charts compare~~s~~ the household  
  
in all items ~~showed~~ shows an alteration during  
  
making its place in the fourth rate. (anyway, in the second chart showed that education in 2010 was in the fifth position after food, housing, others, and transportation)  
  
PS : Keep doing your best in writing  
  
Best regard
The table shows the regular distance of people traveling that measured based on miles of travelled between 1985 and 2000. Overall, it is noticeble, that inhabitant prefered to choose a car rather than walked for hanging out in both different years.  
  
By 1985, the figure had shown accuratelly, that the proportion of inhaitand walked traveling account for 255 miles during a year. By contrast with car usage, the average travelled up to 3.1995 miles, the car usage tenfold from walked distance accumulation. In 2000, the average distance of travelled by car was increase dramatically up to 4.806 miles while the number of people travelled on foot decreased slightly to 237 miles. we can see that the inhabitant were more likely to travel by car over the ten years.
Hi Jordan, I have some suggestions for you  
  
**First, presenting the question is a need**  
  
Overall, it is ~~noticeble~~**noticeable****,** that inhabitant ~~prefered~~**preferred** to choose a car rather ...  
  
By 1985, the figure had shown ~~accuratelly~~**accurately** , that the proportion of ~~inhaitand~~**inhabitants** walked traveling account ...  
  
**be careful of minor mistake like misspelling**  
  
**To vary the sentences "trip or tour or having journey" can replace 'travelled'**  
  
Keep writing. Best regards.
1. spelling  
noticeble------------> noticeable  
prefered -----------> preferred  
travelled--------------> traveled  
accuratelly ---------> accurately  
inhaitand------------> inhabitant  
2. The table shows the regular distance of people traveling that measured based on miles of travelled between 1985 and 2000  
--->The table shows the regular distance of people traveling that measured based on miles between 1985 and 2000.  
3. Repetitive  
car------> car driver without passenger  
walked-------> pedestrians, walking, walkers  
  
:)
**Many childrean these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?  
  
Writing Task 2 Unit 2C (Page 25)**  
Nowadays, many kids have an unhealthy lifestyle. Some people argue that schools and parents have a main role to be more responsible about this situation. However, in my opinion, another party has also an important role for building behavioral of healthy lifestyle in children.  
  
One possible reason which causes young people have a bad habit about their lifestyle is they always eat some dirty foods from local authorities or food productions. The reason is because the children are more attract with the packaging of the food and the taste is more favourable. In addition, the price is affordable to be reached for most children. For instance, although the students have bring their own meal from home, they still kept buying and eating these foods because it takes more their attention. In result, it can cause some diseases to children, such as stomachache or cough. In fact, the children should change the way of their lifestyle to become more healthier.  
  
On one hand, to help children solve this problem not only from schools or parents which have big responsbility, but also the food factories should take a part to reduce the damage. It because children cannot stop eating snacks or unhealthy foods, so food productions have to create an inovation. For example, they can produce healthy snacks which contain high nutrition, such as vegetable oil or fruit exctract. So children can keep getting more benefit through these foods. Besides, they can help to encourage the kids eat healthier foods.  
  
In conclusion, the reason of unhealthy lifestyle in children is mainly caused by the packaging of the food products which provide the delicious taste, also the price is cheap enough for them. However, another party such as the food factories can take more responsbility to change their habit by creating new healthy snacks which contains more vitamins and proteins. (307 words)
halo asep.. welcome to essay forum. before continue to my comments, i want to suggest you, that you need to give your comments, 2 comments before you upload your essays after this. Here, my comments for you..  
  
1. Please seperate each paragraph clearly. Readers will not know about the composition of your essay if you do this. which one your thesis statement, your body, even i do not know how grouping this essay.  
  
1. Nowadays, many kids have an unhealthy lifestyle...  
Using of kid in writing task for IELTS is not allowed. It is because kids is slang word.  
2.One possible reason which causes young people have a bad habit ...  
The reasonIT is because the children are (...) and the taste isARE more favourable.  
3.In result, it can cause some diseases to children, such as stomachache orAND cough.  
... their lifestyle to become more healthier.healthier (if you use more healthier, it has 2 comperatives.Healthier means more healthy )
Hello,  
  
Let me give you some suggestion about your writing  
  
... the students have ~~bring~~ [brought] their own meal from home,  
they still ~~kept~~ [keep, the case connect to present] buying and eating these foods  
... way of their lifestyle to become ~~more~~ healthier [you only can write healthier, beacuse it is redundant]  
  
Eventhough you have opinion about other party beside parents and schools, you still have to explain more about it in another paragraph. In your essay, you explain to much about food production and give less part of teacher and school or may be other party. Because the question ask writer to explain both of parents and schools.  
  
Gluck :D
This is my suggestion.  
  
1. although the students *have bring* their own meal from home, they still *kept buying* and eating these foods ...  
  
have +usually followed by V3  
food-->collocation [foodstuff/meal/diet]  
  
although the students bring their own meal from their homes, they still kept for buying and eating these foods because it takes more their attention than other meals.  
  
2. In fact, the children ...  
  
such as......, ....... ,and/or ........(you better add "comma")  
more.....than.....  
... way of their lifestyles to become more healthier than before.
hello asep..  
firstly, you should make your paragraph clearer owing to the fact that the fist thing that the examiner will be looked is your introduction.  
  
... parents have a main role to be more responsible about this situation .  
... an important role for building ~~behavioral~~behavioural healthy lifestyle in children.  
... the children aremore attract with the packaging of the food, and the taste is more favourable.  
... affordable to be reached for the most children.  
... eating these foods because it takes more their attention.  
... the way of their lifestyle tobecome more healthier.  
So children can keep getting more benefit t hrough these foods.  
... as the food factories can takemore ~~responsbility~~**responsibility** to change their habit by creating (...) which containsmore vitamins and proteins. [maybe you can change it with "a lots ...."  
  
more......+ than .....==> comparison ==>it is compare with something else  
most==> The most
hii..  
  
Nowadays, many kids have an ...  
  
***I can say that your task response out of topic. This is because the question say "Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?".  
  
So, you should mention both views and argue your opinion 'agree' or "disagree". Also, you should mention the specific reason why do you argue about it?***  
  
One possible reason which causes ...  
  
***I found some misspellings in your essay, please re-check again.  
Now than, you make an unclear position, your main idea in the body 1 is not relevant with the question. When you want to mention other factors which responsible for children's unhealthy lifestyle, it is possible, but before you mention these, you must mention parents and schools.***  
  
On one hand, to help children solve ...  
  
**In your body paragraph 2 is a same case in the body 1. I hope, in the next writing you can write a better essay.**  
  
In conclusion, the reason of unhealthy ...  
  
***THank You,  
Keep Writing***
Hi septidara29  
  
1. There are some errors for spelling  
responsbility ----> responsibility  
inovation ----> innovation  
exctract ----> extract  
responsbility ----> responsibility  
  
2. ... are more ~~attract~~attractive with the packaging of ...  
Because attract is verb, so for the best word formation is 'attractive' (adjective) to explain what is children interest about  
  
3. ... of their lifestyle to become ~~more~~ healthier.  
healthier is a comparative form. You can use more + adjective or just health + er, so just eliminate more to make a comparative in this sentece  
  
Thanks
The table gives the information about the proportion of tourists from three different countries (Japan, Australia, and Canada) who travelled overseas between 1985 and 1995, measured by millions. Overall, it is really important to noticeable that the number of tourists from Japan and Australia rose during 10 years, while the converse appeared to be true in the other.  
  
Initially, we can see that Australian tourists were more likely to travel across the globe, reaching 7.1 million travelers, followed by Canadian and Japanese tourists who marked at 6 and 4.9 million at the same period.  
  
Eventually, it is obvious that a significant increase occurred in the number of Japanese tourists who visited other countries at 15.1 million which overtaken the Australian tourists proportion to be the highest, while the proportion of tourists from Australia inclined slightly by around 100,000 travelers in the end of entire world. By contrast, the figure of Canada dropped steadily from 6 million travelers to 5.5 million in 1995. (162 words)  
  
*
**Each year, the crime rate increases.  
What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?**  
  
Probably the most worrying threat to our lives at the present time is crime. This essay will examine the reasons why the crime rate increases and discuss some possible solutions.  
  
The causes of this issue have been and will continue to be very serious. First of all, poverty comes as the predomination cause. This is because the majority of poor people have lack of money to fulfil their needs, then it makes them committing several criminal activities for finding money such as being a robber, gangster even becoming a killer. In addition, another cause like broken family can shape the children to be criminals. This is due to the fact that most of criminals are coming from the broken home family in which those criminal do not get enough attention from their parents during their childhood. Thirdly, drug and alcohol also contribute an impact for an appearance of criminals. It means that people who are consuming drug and alcohol can easily turn to be a criminal since they are in paralyse conditions.  
  
Nevertheless, there are possible ways to solve these problems, or at least reduce the effects. Firstly, governments have to make regulations about heavier punishments to the offender. It means that inhabitants will afraid to offend the laws because it has heavy punishment. Secondly, education also plays crucial role to prevent the crime. This is for the reason that schools have to teach students about the valuable norm in the society since primary school in order to educate the inhabitants well. Finally, sophisticated technologies also can help. This is because, in this modern era especially in the crowded or vulnerable area, the security cameras (CCTV) can be set in which that technology is connected to the police station.  
  
To conclude, although this issue causes from several problems in society, there are steps that can be taken by government, education and technologies in order to prevent this rise criminal activity.
Hi Sasariri  
here some corrections for your writing  
  
gangster even becoming a killer (much better to use murderer is it relates to crime)  
  
which those criminals do not ....  
  
(If you want to arrange your opinion by firstly, secondly, and thirdly, mention it all as it does not show 'secondly' in body 1)  
  
inhabitants will be afraid to offend the laws  
  
can be easily turn to ...  
  
laws because it has ~~heavy~~harsh punishment  
  
that can be taken ~~by~~through government, education ...  
  
Keep improving your writing  
  
Best wishes
**Advertising is all around us, it is an unavoidable part of everyone's life. Some people say that advertising is a positive part of our lives while others say it is a negative one. Discuss both views and include your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.** - That is the topic  
  
Any kind of help and advice in order to improve my writing, will be highly appreciate.  
  
Nowadays, we live in a technological era, which provides numerous opportunities for the companies to promote their products. The advetising is all arounds us and while many people believe it is a good thing, many other argue that the advertising has rather negative effect on out society.In one way, the advertising educates us and ease our decision making process, but on the other hand it can be annoying and confusing.  
  
We all know the feeling, when we are at the supermarket, unable to choose from the deviersity of available products. In these situations, the advertising helps us by providing additional information about the products in order to make our decisions easier. Moreover, they educate us to understand the consequesnces which will follow the purchase of particular good. Even though the advertisments are helpful, they can often create confusion into the customers.  
  
Everybody has experienced the situation, when you are watching your favourite movie and it is interupted by an annoying add. In addition to this, the advertisments can often not corresopond to the reality and sometimes even abuse some of the viewers. Also, very often the advertisments invide our privacy, because they are simply everywhere - on the internet, on the streets and sometimes even in our workpalces.  
  
In my opinion, the advertising is an important part of our lives. They are vital, because without them we will be unable to choose, which is the most suitable products or service for our needs.But, at the same time - the goverments need to set strict rules in order to cease the practise of interupting our privacies by the marketing companies .
Hi Lola  
here some suggestions for your writing  
  
technological era~~,~~ which provides numerous (No need comma)  
  
many other people argue that the advertising  
  
effect on ~~out~~our society  
  
from the ~~deviersity~~diversity of available  
  
It is much better in your body, firstly you provide your topic sentence then example after your supporting details. (it shows in Body 1, you mention your example first, so does your body 2)  
  
Everybody has experienced the situation, when ... (you is not suitable subject here since you refer to everybody)  
  
You did not write down your conclusion, it is only your own opinion not conclusion.
Dear Lola, here some advices from me and feel free to correct me too!  
  
... numerous opportunities ~~for~~~~the~~**to** companies ~~to~~ promote their products.  
  
~~The advetising~~~~Advertisement is all arounds us and~~ while many people believe ~~it~~ advertisement is a good thing, many other**s** argue that ~~the advertising~~ it has ~~rather~~ negative effect on ~~out society~~**societies**.  
  
....~~the advertising~~**advertisement** educates ~~us and ease our decision making process~~**people to make a good decision**, but ~~on the other hand~~ it can be ...  
  
~~We all know the feeling,~~ when ~~we~~**people** are **buying** at the supermarket, ...  
  
Regards
Hi @Lola12,  
  
Here some corrections on your essay:  
  
The ~~advetising~~advertising is all ~~arounds~~around us ~~and while~~ . While many people believe it is a good way~~thing~~ , ~~many other~~the others argue that the ...  
  
... unable to choose from the ~~deviersity~~diversity of available products.  
... to understand the ~~consequesnces~~consequences which will follow ...  
Even though the ~~advertisments~~advertisements are helpful, they can ...  
  
... movie and it is ~~interupted~~interrupted by an annoying add. In addition to this, the ~~advertisments~~advertisements can often not ~~corresopond~~correspond to the reality and ...  
  
Also, very often the ~~advertisments~~advertisements~~invide~~invite our privacy, because (...) even in our ~~workpalces~~workplaces .  
  
~~In my opinion,~~ In conclusion, the advertising is ...  
But, at the same time - the ~~goverments need~~governments should to set strict rules in order to cease ~~the practise of interupting our privacies~~the practice of interrupting consumer's privacy by the marketing companies.
The given table illustrates the average length of travelled per person per year in 1985 and 200 measured by miles. The traveling could count by walking and riding a car. Overall, it can be seen that people made traveling with a car had become a common way instead of walking.  
  
To begin, it was noticeable in early period that people prefer to ride a car. It proved that the number the used of car in 1985 attain to 3.199 miles away. On the other hand, after 15-year period, the car proportion continuously arose at 4.806 miles in 2000. The difference between 1985 and 2000 was 1607 miles.  
  
Another method that people utilized to travel around was by walking. In 1985, walking way stood at 255 miles. It reversed from the proportion of people that utilized car to travel. There was slight decrease from the former year, it is 237 miles away and lessened until 18 miles in 2000.  
  
**(158 words)**  
  
*
Hi Washisha, here is some suggestions for you  
  
... the average length of ~~travelled~~travelling per person per ...  
  
... that people prefer**red** to ride a car.  
  
It proved that the number the used of car in 1985 attain to 3.199 miles away.  
you may say  
**It was proved by the distances travelled by car in 1985 attained to 3.199 miles**.  
  
Overall, you have a good report.  
Keep writing. Best Regards.