dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
*IELTS WRITING TASK 2:  
**Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while other people think that mental strength is more important.**  
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.*  
  
In order to accomplish in sport, while many people claim that one must be physically strong, others believe that the focus should be on mental agility. In my opinion, I consider that physical strength lays the foundation for sportsmen's success on their fields.  
  
On the one hand, it is sometimes thought that being physically agile is the basis of success and I agree. In order to reach the aspired level of physical fitness, sportsmen often subject themselves to a balanced, well-developed diet and exercise regimen. This is essential when it comes to physically demanding sports such as football, basketball, boat sailing, weight lifting which require a high level of stamina and endurance to perform well. Some sport stars, however, have even chosen to take shortcuts by using illegal substances such as doping to sustain physical condition and reach top performance which pays the heavy price for their career.  
  
On the other hand, it is common belief that mental agility plays the prime role sportsmen's accomplishment. Failures and disappointment are common in sports, so it is vital that one be mentally strong to overcome these and achieve the best. If sportspeople can not foster a good spirit, they are more susceptible to successive failures and low morale. Another reason why mental strength is of great importance is that athletes can sometimes find workout tedious and repetitive. Therefore, they must be trained mentally to stay focused and sustain their motivation which will, consequently, produce better sport performance and output.  
  
In conclusion, despite people having different perspectives, I believe that sportsmen stand a better chance to succeed if they are physically fit.  
  
(269 words)
Analyze the instructions before you write your essay. Look at what the topic is actually representing. There are 2 public beliefs about the topic. One in support and one against. Each one has a valid reason that the public supports because they believe it to be true. That is why the discussion instruction asks you to consider the two public points of view by discussing each opinion from the topic presentation in individual paragraphs. Consider both discussions, based on the supporting public sentiment, then offer your personal opinion. You are not being asked to compare and contrast the two opinions based on your personal point of view. So, what is missing in this opinion essay of yours? The proper comparison of the public opinions, prior to your personal opinion. You cannot simply say that you agree. The personal opinion needs to be based on a proper consideration of the public opinions based on your agreement and disagreement with these presented considerations. The personal opinion, based on this particular presentation, would have been better supported as a stand alone paragraph after the public opinion that you agree with.  
  
The conclusion is also problematic as the presentation does not offer a proper summary of the discussion, which should comprise at least 40 words. All you did was present your personal opinion once again, which is an incomplete concluding recap presentation.
Hi @Pham Blen,  
  
For your essay, it is valid that you backed up both claims with evidence to try and support your reasoning. However, I think you should cut back from using the word "physical" too much since it's one of the words in the question. For example, if I were to ask you what kind of activities you do, it wouldn't be a suffice answer to say, I do water activities. Try and be more precise in your explanation. Additionally, I would advise you to change up your conclusion since it doesn't really sum up your body paragraphs.
***Task 2: Some people think students should study the science of food and how to prepare it. Others think that school time should be used in learning important subjects.***  
  
## Discuss both views and give your opinion

  
  
It is suggested that students should learn the science and preparation of food as part of the school curriculum. Others, on the contrary, claim that the important subjects should be spent more time learning at school. This essay will discuss both opinions and opine why the study of food is as essential as learning the other subjects.  
  
To begin with, it is undeniable that students should spend most time studying main subjects for their future career. These subjects including mathematics, physics and literature are necessary because they offer elementary understanding of calculating and linguistic skills, accordingly provide students with adequate knowledge for their study in university and improve career prospects. Therefore, the primary subjects are beneficial to students in terms of further study and job opportunities.  
  
On the other hand, the science and preparation of food are increasingly significant in modern life. The reason is that the sustenance people consume is likely to affect their mental and physical development as well as the quality of study. Furthermore, learning to cook healthy food is necessary for a student's independent life in the future as they have to prepare their own food instead of relying on ready-made food. For example, research conducted by Harvard University in 2014 revealed that students who frequently ate fast food ran a higher risk of contracting cardiovascular diseases and tended to have poorer grades than those who did not because excessive intake of sugar and salt may hinder the activity of the immune system and the understanding and thinking process. Thus, a thoroughly understanding of nutritious diet and enough cooking skills are advantageous to students' health and study.  
  
In conclusion, although the main subjects including mathematics and literature are crucial to students' future occupation, the science and preparation of food should be taught in school time. This essay discussed two contradicting viewpoints and justified the importance of food on people' health and study, thus promoting the education of it at school.
The prompt restatement does not have an accurate thesis presentation at the end. For this task, you should present one clear point of view for each public opinion, then your own point of view. This way, you present your reasoning topic paragraphs early on, showing that you have carefully considered the discussion elements and how each discussion has affected your personal opinion.  
  
The essay requires you to use your own opinion or publicly known information. You could use the Harvard research reference, without mentioning Harvard at all, since that does not show a personal basis for the information or publicly known data. That is researched information, which makes the writing go against the written information sources. Use third person pronouns to indicate the public points of view and the first person pronouns for your own opinion. As of now, the presentation feels like it is generally based on a public opinion, without a reference to your personal opinion. Or, an examiner could take it the other way around and consider this solely based on a personal opinion, rather than a personal opinion based on publicly known discussion points. Either way, the presentation will be considered only partially correct in response presentation. The missing personal point of view is really glaring in this presentation.
## good or bad example?

  
  
Sport is one of the most common entertainment around the world. From children to adults, everyone likes sport. This kind of enjoyment can be demonstrated in many ways, such as: watching a football match, playing badminton with friends every weekend, etc. Due to the popularity of many sports, a lot of athletes are known in many places. Especially, for children, these athletes play an important role in setting good models to them. Not every athlete is good nor bad model.  
  
Many children like playing sports. When they truly enjoy any kind of sport, they will spend time for it, including professional athletes playing that sport. A professional athlete will be a best ever model for them to learn to. A good athlete will teach them how to play well during the match, show them skills needed to have, etc. The knowledge an athlete gives will help children improve their personal skill in the kind of sport they engage in. Besides, not only show them how to play well, a good athlete can be seen as a good example of trying hard to achieve goals in life. Children will never be afraid of difficulties or give up due to any challenge, they keep going to like their favorite athlete.  
  
However, professional athletes are not always good role model. There're many athletes have bad behavior during and after the match. Children who see or read about their behavior can misunderstanding of the purpose of sport. Especially, many athlete use drugs to improve their performance, so the children will think being the best without consideration, even breaking the rule can be accepted. Moreover, bad behavior of athlete can lead to bad behavior in children. They can easily get angry just because of losing any match, fighting with other player or even cheating.  
  
Sport play an important role in children' lives so as athletes. Professional athlete should consider their behavior before acting because not only they're in trouble after a wrong one.
The first 3 sentences of the restatement paragraph are only filler sentences that do not relate to the actual topic. You need to use sentences that will actually help focus the reader on the target discussion. That is, whether or not athletes are good role models. Something along the lines of:  
  
*Athletes are considered by most young people as their role models. Young men and women tend to follow the actions of their sports idols with much eagerness, often patterning their lives after that of exemplary sportsperson. The way I see it, good or bad, sports icons remain examples for their fans. As a cautionary tale, the young adults their errors serve as a good life lesson for their fans. As a positive role model, the young people will know how to properly live their lives based on the actions of the athletes.*  
  
This is not a comparison essay. The original prompt asks you to choose which opinion regarding athletes you feel is correct, giving you the option to discuss and support your opinion within 2 clear reasoning paragraphs. Both paragraphs need to clearly explain a reason why you believe they are positive role models, or negative, depending upon your opinion.  
  
Do not use a comparison discussion in a single opinion essay. You will be scored down in the TA section due to a lack of clear opinion.
## IELTS WRITING TASK 1: Consumer Spending

  
  
Topic question: The table below gives information on consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002.  
  
My essay:  
The table gives information about the rate of national consumer expenditure on three different categories in 2002. It can be clearly seen that, in five countries, food, drinks and tobacco is always the highest spending category, in spite of the fact that leisure and education accounted for the lowest proportion.  
  
Especially, Turkey households spending on the category of food, drinks and tobacco made up around 33% of their total expenditure. On the other hand, 4,35% of total UK household spending went on leisure and education, and is also the highest proportion. In the category of clothing and footwear, Italy spent a higher proportion of total spending - 9% - on clothing and footwear than other countries.  
  
In the contrary, Sweden spent only around 15% on food/drinks/tobacco and over 5% on clothing/footwear - the lowest proportion of five countries. And meanwhile, Spain spending on leisure/education constituted less than 2%.  
  
As can be seen, food, drinks and tobacco were the most important categories in 2002.  
  
*
Try to not leave the trending statement for the very end. Although you can place the trending statement anywhere in the essay, it works best to improve your TA score when you add it to the summary overview.  
  
Do not use adverbs like "especially" at the start of a sentence. This is incorrect word usage since "especially" is often used as a connecting word to help relate 2 ideas in one sentence. Once there is no previous thought presented, the adverb should not be used as a sentence starter. Additionally, the phrase is "On the contrary", not In the contrary". Do not use English phrases you are not familiar with as incorrect usage could affect your LR and GRA scores.
I think you can paraphrase better the question: The table below gives information on consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002. My suggestion is: "During 2002, the consumer spending habit in five different countries for different items is presented through the table below"  
  
I'd like to highlight first the category which having significant number compare to other first, then on the following paragraphs you can provide the summary as you mention on the first paragraph. Anyway, good luck for your IELTS :)
## are choosing to have fewer children or none at all

  
  
Essay topics:  
Many people today, especially in the developed world, are choosing to have fewer children or none at all. Why is this happening, and do you think it is a good trend?  
  
Nowadays, in developed countries, many parents choose the way to have fewer children or do not get pregnant. Is this because of their mind that they think they cannot raise their children or their background are not good enough? In this essay, I will explain why this happens and discuss that it is a good trend or not.  
  
First of all, from the old days, our grandparents were not prosperous as we are now. They always suffered from poverty, hunger, disease, etc. Therefore, they have an idea that if they have a lot of children, in their future they will have more property and do not have to stand for difficulties. Because of a lack of knowledge and just thinking for themselves, they do not notice the consequences. At that time, the number of people increased significantly, as we called overpopulation. This lead to many bad things, such as parents do not have enough food so that many children died, because technologies are not developed. That's why in these days, they choose to have a few kids or do not have them.  
  
On the one hand, having a few childs bring some advantages. They can be raised more easily, have better education and cause less conflict. The gap generation is also smaller because the age difference is not big. Each member in family can have bigger areas, more privacy and they can live together harmoniously. And when parents get old, their children must take care of them and they do not have to go to nursing home. In contrast, if parents do not have kids, this can bring drawbacks. Maybe they do not have to pay for many children's fees, but they will feel lonely. Also, when they are elderly, they will not have anyone to share with.  
  
In conclusion, I think this is a good trend. Having one or two childs will fetch many pros and happiness, but parents should consider their background to think about it  
  
P/s: Please help me evaluate this essay. I would like to know which band score I can get.
Unfortunately, scoring is part of our premium services so I cannot score your essay. Any student who scores your essay will also find their accounts immediately suspended so don't even dare to ask students to score your essay or consider a possible score for your essay. Your account will get suspended also. The general review I will be giving you shall be sufficient for you to realize what potential score you might get in an actual test.  
  
You should not use rhetorical questions in the prompt restatement. You are to restate the prompt using subjective topic presentations. These are the topic responses that you will be using int he 2 reasoning paragraphs. That means, you have to outline the discussion in the form of a thesis statement. Not a question, and not merely repeating what type of discussion you will be presenting. That does not give the examiner a proper overview of your English comprehension, vocabulary, and cohesion skills, which are part of the TA scoring consideration. Your restate is not effective and will not help increase your score overall.  
  
This is a single opinion essay, not a comparative discussion. Either you think this is a good trend or not. Defend your opinion. In this case, you show that you actually do not have a clear opinion on the topic, since you decided to compare both options instead, that is another TA error on your part for which you will be losing scoring points. The presentation of your under developed personal opinion as a conclusion will further cause a problematic scoring consideration for your presentation. The concluding paragraph should be used to summarize the discussion. The opinion you have should have been made clear in the thesis sentence, then explained thoroughly in the reasoning paragraphs. These errors and problems shall pose a problem to your achieving a passing score in this test.
**IELTS**  
## Should scientific research, business and the academic world be shared freely or not?

  
  
It is certain that sharing knowledge about scientific research, business and the academic world could be beneficial to the development of the world. However, I don't think we should share all information freely, especially some important or valuable one.  
  
On the one hand, we are all living in a world with a ton of explorations and transformations on a daily basis. People in different countries are constantly in the process of seeking for new ideas to invent more creative and effective applications, for the sake of both individual and general purposes. Because we are all human beings, we should share useful information with others to contribute to the whole community. That will definitely do wonders by making people live more happily and conveniently. Moreover, the person who shared that knowledge will receive the society's recognition and gratitude for his efforts. For example, when someone can find a way to cure a dangerous disease, he can save the life of so many people and make a significant contribution to the world.  
  
On the other hand, it is not worth sharing the important or valuable information without receiving anything. I suppose that we had better pay an equivalent price for that as the inventors or researchers- the ones who create the new inventions had to put on so many efforts including their time and money. Therefore, if they could not gain anything back, it would absolutely be unfair to them. Moreover, others who are brilliant and talented may gradually lose their interest and motivation in making any contribution for the society.  
  
In conclusion, although sharing knowledge is a great way to boost the development of the world in all fields such as economics, science, medical,...people should pay a proper price for what they want to obtain from others.
You have turned a 5 paragraph comparison essay into a 4 paragraph personal opinion essay. The format for your response is incorrect. You are to use 2 public comparison discussion paragraphs first, then present your personal opinion. While you did discuss both points of view, these were done using the personal opinion method. Since this is not an agree or disagree essay, you should not use that format for this presentation. Always review the prompt for discussion instructions. Don't just assume that it is a personal opinion and agree/disagree essay. Familiarize yourself with the various discussion requirements for the task 2 essays. There are several that you have to learn about. You have shown that you have a misunderstanding of the response format so you should focus on that problem before anything else. If you cannot discuss the essay in the correct format, then your overall score will definitely suffer.
If anybody is able to help me with this IELTS essay I will be forever thankfull!!!  
  
## Human impact on the environment

  
  
*Influence of human beings on the world's ecosystem is leading to the extinction of species and loss of bio-diversity.  
What are the primary causes of loss of bio-diversity?  
What solutions can you suggest?*  
  
It is a well know fact that mankind has had a major influence on nature since the beginnings of civilazation. However, it was only the 70's that global superpowers brought this issue to daylight, informing that some drastic mesures should be taken in order to preserve our fauna and flora. This essay will discuss the essential causes of this problem and propose some solutions.  
  
Opening with the fauna we can mention the deforestation process, which in order to build cities and structures for the growing population took animals out of their natural habit, leading to not only a lack of balence in the food chain, but also the deaths of many animals that couldnt adapt to new environments. Furthermore, we can also mention the practice of hunting, that for a long period of time was considered a noble activity, causing the vanishment of many importante species.  
  
When it comes to the maintence of flora, deforestation is also a notable concern since a big portion forests have been withdrawn from existence, a good illustration of this is the Amazon, also known as the "air lungs of the world", which nowadays has way less green area than fifth years ago, mainly because of agriculture and cattle-raising. The increase of global temperatures caused by pollution i also a worrying matter for ambientalists, since this has lead to many fires in inumerous parts of the world, jeopordizing all kinds of life forms.  
  
Personally, I think that iniciatives that seek the reduction of air pollution, all types of waste and the removal of plant/tree layers, such as the Paris climate agrement should be enconreged worldwiderly. Moreover, the governaments must work along with international environmental
Your TA will fail in the preliminary scoring portion because you have not used the original topic presentation in your restatement. Your first 3 sentences change the focus of the discussion from the original, which is that human beings are the cause of extinction... Read your restatement and compare it to the original. You should see that the topics do not share any commonality whatsoever in the presentation. As such, your response has become unrelated to the original topic. More so, because you did not respond directly to the questions by presenting a proper thesis sentence and discussion subjects for your 2 reasoning paragraphs. This does not reflect effective English comprehension skills on your part. It shows that you have none.  
  
You are over discussing this essay by not properly using one paragraph for problems and one for solutions. Your solution paragraph cannot be presented as the concluding paragraph because the essay requires a summary conclusion for its presentation. So you discussed the essay, stayed within the word count, but failed to properly utilize the discussion format as indicated.