dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## parents should read or tell stories to children or not?

  
  
People have different views regarding to the question whether the children should read stories themselves or should be read by parents. I would argue that it is better for children when they listen to their parents reading or telling stories.  
  
On the one hand, there are several reasons supporting that the children should read books and watch TV, movies by themselves. Firstly, this is a way which developing young people's ability of self - descipline. For example, if a child learns from the stories, TV or movies by themselves, they have ability to analyse the problem as well as understand the information. Secondly, parents are too busy to spend time reading or telling stories to children. Instead of waiting for parents, the children can arrange their timetable to read materials whenever they want.  
  
On the other hand, listening to parents reading or telling stories is better than reading by themselves. Firstly, this fosters the intimate bonding between parents and children. Reading together is simply an enjoyable and easy way for parents to take out and focus on the family. Secondly, some small children need guidance and explanation when reading books. For instance, there are many enigmatic and complicated topics which the children can't understand without helping.  
  
To sum up, I believe that it is always better for the parents as well as children if parents read or tell stories to their children.
Linh, since this essay only has 233 words in it. There is no way this will get a passing score because the mandatory minimum word requirement for the discussion of a Task 2 essay is 250 words. You will receive an extreme points deduction for the TA and C&C section because of the clear under developed discussion presentation per paragraph.  
  
Once you score lowly in those 2 sections, the remaining sections will not be able to pull up the remaining scoring considerations. That is why there is a 5 paragraph requirement for the essay. By writing 5 paragraphs at 5 sentences each, the student will always meet the minimum word requirement and at least, get a decent score in the TA section if not in the remaining scoring considerations.  
  
Now, since you forgot to provide the complete original prompt instructions for this essay, I am also unable to properly review and comments on your current presentation. The essay may sound right to me as a reader, but, without knowing what the actual discussion points and outline for this essay is, I cannot really say that you did a good job and properly addressed all of the instruction requirements. Please remember to post the discussion prompt in its entirety within the text box the next time you post an essay for review here. Should you wish to have your essay reviewed properly that is.
## As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities

  
## Do you agree or disagree?

  
  
It is argued that besides making money, companies also need to have public responsibilities. In my opinion, while making the profit is the top priority for each company, I agree that they should also have responsibilities with society.  
  
First of all, I would like to mention about the role of business in making money. In fact, companies that earn much profit and pay tax for the government use for different purposes. For instance, the government invests in education, health system and upgrade infrastructure services, which helps the community improve the living standard and benefit the whole society. Besides, companies also create jobs for citizens which have more budget to fulfill their consumption. Furthermore, business expands the scope of cooperation an international trade. For example, countries could exchange goods, services to boost export and import which increases the quality of payment as well as bringing opportunity to invest. Thus, business brings in profit for not only individuals but also companies and the nation.  
  
On the other hand, there are strong reasons why businesses should have responsibilities with society. it is apparent to see that during the production process, most companies release a huge amount of trash and exhaust gas and pollute the environment. Hence, these companies should apply new technology to recycle their waste, solve contamination and protect nature. In addition, enterprises should help the unfortunate which encourages social welfare and spreads the image of enterprises. Besides, investors should invest in the third world countries to share difficulties and creates new hopes for the poor, the disabled in these nations which contributes to social balance.  
  
In conclusion, for all of the reason mentioned above, It can be affirmed that the purpose of business not only makes profits but also improves the standard of living. Therefore, companies should create jobs, ensure social security and protect the environment.
Nguyen, your essay has a throw away, meaning, an irrelevant discussion in the second paragraph. You used that paragraph as a word filler to meet the word count without considering whether it is relevant to the discussion or not. Thus, your second paragraph is not really useful because it was merely a second opening statement in your essay. There can only be one opening statement in the Task 2 essay and that is, the opening paraphrase.  
  
The next 3 paragraphs should be presenting reasons that support your point of view as this is, according to the prompt that you provided, a single point of view essay discussion. When asked if you "agree OR disagree", that question indicates a single response to the given topic. There is absolutely no way you can both agree and disagree with a given opinion. That indicates indecisiveness and a lack of confidence in your knowledge of the discussion. That means you will only get partial scoring for the TA section because you presented 2 points of view, rather than simply defending one point of view in the essay.  
  
While your 3rd paragraph was good. it was under developed in presentation. Had you used the line of reasoning you presented in paragraph 3 by dividing those into properly explained and example supported body paragraphs, you would have come across with a far higher scoring essay discussion than what you have now. The 3 social responsibility topics for the body paragraph would have been:  
  
1. Production process causes pollution  
2. Need for the company to recycle their waste products  
3. Nature preservation  
  
The 3 topics for the body paragraphs could have been better expanded in presentation and explanation, thus allowing you to show off more of your English vocabulary and GRA skills, which could have further boosted your final score as well.
*Topic: nowadays , many families have both working parents. Some working parents believe that other family members like grand parents can take care of their children while other think that childcare center provides best care.  
  
Discuss both views and give your opinion*  
  
## Influence of child rearing by grandparent or person from a childcare center

  
  
Not like the past, both parents today tend to work instead of letting one at home to take care of their children. While some people think that children should stay at home with their grandparents, I support the idea that it may be better if working parents send their children to nursery school.  
  
Reared by grand parents, children would get special care. Firstly, grandparents have various experiences childrearing, helping them deal with unexpected incidents a child makes. In fact, by spending almost their life time, the old has their own measures to effectively calm a child when they cry thank to their experiences getting year by year. Another is that flesh and blood is appreciated more highly if comparing with any relationships . The grandparents would give all their heart in taking care of their children; therefore, parents would able to feel secured when letting their child at home.  
  
Childcare centers is a great places for bringing up a child. Firstly, nursery school is established as professional organization; therefore, children would be able to receive quality care from well-training staff. An academic program for pre-school applied in some centers would advance children to perform better when entering primary school. Besides, by interacting with their peers, children have a chance to develop communication and language abilities. Some researches show that childhood social relationships hold a key in shaping children 's character.  
  
In conclution, children would get more merits when they enter nursery school, compared with staying at home with grandparents. Parents should take this issue into consider when they have a pre-school children
Lyralei, the biggest problem with your essay is that you did not properly outline the discussion in order to show how the paragraphs will be presented. From the way that you presented your thesis statement, you turned a comparison with personal point of view essay into a mere personal point of view essay. That is not what the prompt instructed. The proper outline and thesis statement for this essay should be along the lines of:  
  
*These days, families have both parents earning an income, even as they try to raise their children. This has caused 2 separate belief systems in child rearing. The first, is that grandparents should be engaged in the care of their grandchildren and the other, is that children should be placed in child care in order to receive proper child care. In this essay, a discussion of both points view will be presented, along with my personal point of view on the matter.  
  
For the parents who believe that grandparents should help raise the children...  
  
However, when a child is placed in childcare services....  
  
My opinion is that...  
  
To sum up the discussion...*  
  
When the discussion covers a few points of view in one essay, it will always be better for your C&C score to create clear discussion formats. The discussion format should indicate which opinion is being discussed by the writer so that the method discussion, as indicated in the original prompt can be clearly defined and properly scored by the examiner.  
  
Your discussion was good, just not properly defined. Which is why it seemed like you were mostly discussing your point of view alone rather than discussing using the given outline. These essays are always 5 paragraph in format due to the provided outlines in the original prompt. There is no more or less in the paragraph presentation. The 5 paragraph essay is the preset standard for the Task 2 IELTS test and that is often laid out based on the original prompt presentation. The 3 body paragraph for discussion is always provided in it. In this case, the 3 paragraphs for the body was composed of:  
  
1. Grandparents discussion  
2. Childcare Discussion  
3. Personal Opinion.  
  
The 3 body paragraph topics for discussion, that completes the 5 paragraph discussion is always indicated in the prompt. You just have to learn how to recognized the provided discussion points in the original prompt.
## Method of Verification and Evaluation knowledge level

  
  
Education has two main functions: educating young people and equipping them with valuable skills for adulthood. But nowadays, more and more people are in a quandary whether or not standardize scores as an optimum measurement of knowledge. These are two major reasons that illustrate scoring is not an effective way to measure student performance.  
  
To begin with, scores do not present equality among students. For example, those who have a difficulty with a stress environment might struggle when they have a test and the result in skipping multiple questions that they might easily choose the correct answers. Consequently, they get a C instead of deserving an A on the exam. On the other hand, their friends who only draw the answer spontaneously with 25% correct answer probability receive an A because of luck rather than their own ability. Therefore, measurement one's performance by scores is an inaccurate method.  
  
Secondly, overly concern about grades also generates negative effects on both young people and their educator. Some students desiring to achieve high scores without focusing during class and studying hard tend to use bad alternative ways such as cheating or copying their next neighbors. Not only affect the student, chasing to grades also harms teacher true mission. A travesty of education is that several instructors measure their student's ability not by the knowledge they master but the amount of money in their parent's pocket. The more bribes they receive, the more scores are increased.  
  
While we weigh the drawbacks of scoring in the educational atmosphere, it is safe to say that this method is not the beneficial way to present one's knowledge. Not only reflect the inequality, grades also create many grievous problems for both the trainer and the trainee. In my individual opinion, schools can evaluate student's ability by different projects or assignments.
Education has two ... for adulthood. Every year, students spend weeks studying for standardized tests, like the AIR test, the ACT, and the SAT. But nowadays, more and more ...  
  
To begin with, ... students. For example, those ... might struggle to answer multiple questions that they might ... Consequently, ... A on the exam. On the other hand,while their friends who ...  
  
Secondly, ... effects on both young people students and their educator teachers. Some students children desiring to ...  
  
While we weigh ... atmosphere, with these drawbacks of scoring in the educational atmosphere, it is safe to say ...
Kim, is this essay for a practice lesson in English or is it for an IELTS test? You should have provided the complete prompt for the discussion so that a proper review of your work could be completed. As of now, only a partial review can be made due to lack of review guiding factors. For starters, the word "But" is a connecting word. Therefore, in an academic essay, it is not used to start a proper sentence. Rather, it should be used to connect 2 related ideas in one sentence. So when you use the word "but", do not use a period. That is more properly used with a well placed comma in a sentence to show a continuity of though. Avoid constantly using the word though as it could get out hand and turn a long sentence into a run-on sentence, creating points deductions in the GRA section in the process. The personal opinion should not be included as a one sentence presentation at the end either. Always present that, whether it be in an academic essay or a common written presentation, as a stand alone paragraph that is more properly developed using reasoning and examples to help depict your support for a particular statement.
## prison is the best punishment for criminals. Discuss.

  
  
What is the most effective method of dealing with the rising crime rate always is a major question in our society. Many people believed that imprisonment is the best way to punish lawbreaker. In my opinion, I totally agree with this idea and in this assay I will support my view with examples.  
  
Firstly, prison sentences would act as a deterrent and would be one useful measure to tackle rising crime. In jail, wrongdoers have no chance to commit a crime. No one can make sure that offenders given non-custodial sentences would not re-offend in time serve other punishments. For example, a recently research of Cambridge University shows that 70% criminal such as shoplifters continue having unlawful actions when they are only given financial punishment.  
  
Another reason why I agree with this stamen is that being in prison, inmates would be educated and then may become a better people. Behind bars, offenders not only have opportunities to learn moral lessons, but they also are received training course about employment. So, when were released back into society they have a chance of rehabilitation and become more useful members. Take my neighbor as an example, after two years of five-year sentence, he understood the meaning of freedom and he successfully reintegrated back into community with a work as a carpenter, which he was learnt in the cell.  
  
In conclusion, I strongly believe that sending to prison is a most powerful punishment for wrongdoers. This method helps to reduce crime figures and rehabilitate prisoners as well.
Minh, post the complete prompt next time in order to receive more accurate reviews of your work. At this point, I am not sure if this is a direct question essay or an opinion essay. Posting the complete prompt instructions would have helped me decipher that in order to give you more specific advice regarding how to complete your work. As of now, all I can say is, you are showing that you do not know how to edit your sentences nor check for proper spelling because of the mistakes in your grammar and spelling. You need to make sure that you have proper sentence structures, grammar presentations, and spelling in order to avoid severe points deductions on the LR and GRA scoring sections.  
  
When you provide examples, you need to inform the reader as to the background of the example provided. Otherwise, it will seem like you just made up the information. The example you used here is incomplete and makes me wonder if this is a truth based on personal experience or you were just trying to fulfill a prompt requirement. Again, if the prompt were provided, I would have been able to assess that part for accuracy and relevance.  
  
Without the prompt requirement, I can say that you wrote an informative essay. Whether it truly delivered the required discussion is another thing. I will not say that you provided a proper essay discussion because I am not clear on the instructions for the discussion. All you provided was the topic and partial discussion instruction, which does not help very much in terms of proper work assessment on your essay.
## The Phenomenon of Recidivism

  
  
There is a fact that more and more criminals become repeat offenders after they have released from prison, which is a headache to police and law enforcement officers. The essay below is going to explain the causes of this problem as well as suggest some possible solutions.  
  
To begin with, prisons only removes criminals from society without any education or therapy for their mindset and character. To put it simply, dangerous people are isolated or removed from the community to not commit crimes and adversely influence other people. However, they are not re-educated to become a good citizen. Another factor is the difficulty to reintegrate back into society. There is no denying that prisoners are not welcomed by society. That the way the community treats them makes it is hard for them to return and live ordinarily, which may lead them to the old path. Particularly, it is usually difficult for offenders to look for a job because of their criminal history.  
  
Therefore, to deal with repeat offenders, some feasible solutions should be taken into consideration. On top of that, education is probably the important one. In other words, criminals should be rehabilitated to become better citizens. For example, during the time in prison, prisoners should be arranged to work and learn a job which will be useful for them after prison. In addition, when a prisoner is officially released, the government should support them in reintegrating back into society. For instance, they should be helped to get a job after prison. By doing that, they can make money and seek for a stable life, which will help to prevent them from becoming repeat offenders.  
  
By and large, the government and society should forgive and facilitate prisoners, who repent of their faults, to have a new life after prison. That is probably the best way to reduce the rate of repeat offenders.
## the sale records over the internet

  
  
The two pie charts compare the retail sections of the online sales in Canada during 2005 and 2010  
  
Generally, it is obvious that electronic and appliance dominated most of the online sale in 2005, while majority of the online sales in 2010 was food and beverage. In contrast, video games had the least influence in 2005, but the smallest proportion of online sales was replaced to home furnishings in 2010.  
  
It is clear that the figure of food and beverages increased significantly to 10% more in 2010 and became the highest online sales. At the same time, the video games sales rose slightly from 18% to 23% over a 5 years period.  
  
At the beginning, home furnishings was the second highest online sales, made up of a quarter of the charts. But it decreased dramatically to 15% after 5years. While the electronic and appliance accounted for 35% of the online sales for retail sectors in 2005, it experienced a declination to less than a third in 2010.  
  
*   
*Tast 1 pie chart*
Hi Emily!  
  
I think the IELTS essay you did was pretty good. However, there are few points I'd you to take note also.  
  
\*Instead of using "obvious", try to replace it with the word "apparent."  
\*Try finishing explaining/comparing each part of the pie one by one in different paragraphs (or a single one depending on the instructions). Example: When you talk about the increase/decrease of video games in 2005 and in 2010, please create a comparison of all other remaining parts of the pie graph - electronics and appliance, home furnishings and food & beverages  
  
Hope this helps. Thank you!
This report writing is well put, but some improvements are needed. Let me start with the opening paragraph. In this part, you wrote an introductory paragraph with a sentence. Some sample answers suggest this, but as per the rule of Academic Writing, a good paragraph at least consists of three sentence. Also, the way you paraphrase the question is too close to the original prompt. It is strongly suggested that you'd better make some changes for this.  
  
If you see and read the IELTS Band Descriptor Task 1 more closely, then you will find the huge diversities between a 5, 6 and 7 in terms of Task Achievement. It is an overview that makes them different one another. Hence, if you think that you need a score above a 5, then writing an overview is a must. What is the overview? It is general trends or main features that come up in the data which will be broken down in the body paragraphs. You can put this overview after the opening or the last paragraph you have.  
  
You need to keep your messages succint and to the point. Some generic phrases like *Generally, it is obvious that, It is clear that and At the beginning,* should be omitted as they are too commonly used in students' essays.  
  
Hope this helps :D  
Thanks  
  
Eddy Suaib, IELTS Kampung Inggris Pare