Hi, @ththao\_99  
I've read your essay and would like to suggest some ways to better your writing. Hope you'll find my suggestions useful. ^^  
  
1. Regarding Task Response, you have addressed fully both views on individual and independent learning. However, you haven't given your own opinions (or given too little) about the statements mentioned. I suggest you should have another paragraph to fully give your opinions on the issues. For instance, you can say both individual and independent learning have some positive and negative sides, so it is up to each learner and the learning environment to decide which method is situable.  
  
2. As for Grammar and Vocabulary, there are some grammatical and vocabulary mistakes which I will highlight and suggest some corrections to below. You should also take note of your vocabulary choice because there are some inappropriate words used in your essay.  
  
3. Cohesion and Coherence: Your ideas are fairly organised and you have evidence to back up your arguments. Keep on the good work! However, there are sentences that can be shortened but still maintain the full meaning. I also think you should work out more on how to use connectors more effectively because there are some sentences that can be linked into one sentence or need connectors to make them more related and relevant.  
  
... that group learning will be **(I think "is" is more appropriate here)** more effective ... learning (**others think otherwise**- this suggests that others think in the opposite way). ~~In~~  this essay, will explore ...  
  
(1) ... learning enhances the concentration of students (you can use possessives here: **students' concentration**). (2) This is ... from distraction from (I suggest you use **'caused by')** their ~~teammate's discussion~~ **(their teammates)**. (3) Especially (I don't think this word is appropriate here), to a lot of students ... they are in crowd (*I will rewrite this part by linking sentence (1) and (2) and using sentence (3) as an example*: **... enhances students' concentration because it prevents them from distractions/helps to avoid distractions caused by their teammates. This is especially useful to introverted learners, who may find it hard/difficult to come up with ideas or focus on their work when in groups.** This will make your sentences shorter but still keep the full meanings you want to convey. Also, it helps to make sense why you start your third sentence with Especially, which is to point out a particular example in which individual learning may prove useful) Furthermore, studying ~~by~~ (on) their own ... (4) A group include a lot ... (5) When they work *alone without support from other* (how about **'independently'**? This may save you words), *they learn by themselves* (this may be unnecessary since 'work alone without support from other' has already meant 'learn/do work by yourselves'); hence, their ... researching, *seeking* (What does this mean?), also improve. *[I will rewrite sentence (4) and (5) by showing contrasts:* **In a group of students with different levels, it is possible that some are too reliant on their more talented/competent peers, making little study effort. This is, however, not the case in individual learning as working independently allows students to hone self-study skills such as research and self-analysis, which requires hard work and therefore yields more productivity.**. *Just a suggestion, you can take it or leave it ^^*]  
  
..., group learning has ~~is~~ *(its)* own benefits. ~~Several~~ students with ... Specifically, ~~if one person gives~~ **(one person can give)** an idea and other**s** will develop and nourish it (**can give their perspectives/opinions to develop it**), ~~make it to become ... perspectives~~ **(making it the best version)**. Human beings usually ~~finds~~ **find it** hard ... mistakes, (3) so working together is a good way to **take improve myself** **(wrong expression)** by objective and ... (4) Besides, it will improve ... ((3) and (4) can be merged into one sentence: ...., **so working together is a good way to make improvements/improve oneself through objective ... and** *The idea of 'improving teamwork skills' is not relevant in this sentence since you write that human beings need group learning for self-improvement because they cannot usually identify their own mistakes, so such idea can be saved for your next idea*). (5) Even if you detest ... (6)Therefore, it will give ... ((5) and (6) can be considered as another supporting idea: **[b]Furthermore, since teamwork is crucial/vital/essential in today's working environment//an integral part of today's workplace, engaging in group activities can hone such skill, thus providing a good preparation for students' future careers**.)  
  
To sum up, ... method ('the two learning methods [mentioned]') have their own ... In educational environment ... students (How about ....... **we can flexibly combine them according to different learning periods and individual capacities**). [This is an interesting idea that you should develop into a paragraph in the body to give your opinions on individual and group learning!]