dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Always telling the truth

  
  
Hey, I am planning on taking the Toefl essay on August so I was thinking of posting my essays here for correction. My aim for writing is 26/30 so I hope through everyone's help on EssayForum, it is achievable.  
  
*Always telling the truth is the most important consideration in any relationship between people.*  
  
There are a myriad of factors that contribute to sustaining a good relationship. Personally, I believe that truthfulness has the most weight within individuals' connection. I feel this way for two main reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.  
  
First of all, openness guarantees credibility among companions. In this day and age, obtaining trust is a crucial skill in building our long-term success which requires forthrightness in communication. If we are insincere towards our partner, it is unlikely faith will develop among our relationship. My personal experience is a compelling example of this. About two years ago, my friend and I launched an online shoe enterprise together. At the time, I realized that our operation was making a loss and investment in other areas was more profitable. As a result, I decided to put a considerable proportion from our budget into a well-known techonology company and lied to my friend that the money was used to pay for our shoe supply. She was lenient on my decision initially. However, skepticism accrued when our creditors pressurized our business to cover our order. This ultimately led my partner to discover that I wasn't being honest to her. Because of her loss of faith in me, our corporate venture ended and it was impossible for us to work together again.  
  
Secondly, a friendship would cease if there isn't sincerity between two individuals. When we are deceived by a close friend, we would feel such a strong sense of betrayal that we no longer desire to have a relationship with them. For instance, my sister used to be close to the owner of a beauty-supplement business. Despite their strong bond, my sister had denied numerous marketing requests by her companion as she pledged not to advertise drugs to her online subscribers. Despite my sister's rejection, her friend still cherished her to the moon and would invite her to any promotional events to try out their latest beauty drug. Thus, when my sister promoted a rival cosmetic brand online, she betrayed her best friend and their unforgettable memories together. A rift gradually formed between the two of them and they no longer become acquantained.  
  
In conclusion, I am of the opinion that honesty is a crucial element in individuals' friendship. This is because duplicity would bring doubts between companions and potentially distance them.
@junejulyapril  
*Hi there!*  
  
Welcome to the forum.  
  
I think that your writing is nice. You have quite a grasp of the language already. I would only recommend that you try to be cautious of the forms of the words that you are using in your use; I can tell that you have quite a difficulty when it comes to utilizing appropriate terminologies in the process of writing.  
  
Additionally, I recommend that you become more cautious of the structure of your sentences, considering that you have a tendency to thinly stretch your content.  
  
Observe the way that you construct your sentences; this will take you a long way when you are trying to create more substantive and strategic writing.  
  
Remove unnecessary and irrelevant parts of your sentence.  
  
Watch out for: preposition, punctuation, and the composition and flow of your text.  
  
**Let's revise** a few portions of your essay in accordance to these guidelines.  
  
[...] Personally, I believe that truthfulness has the most weight in individuals' connections. There are two reasons for this, which I will explore in the essay.  
  
First of all, openness guarantees trust among relationships. In this day and age, this is a crucial skill to build long-term success; this will require forthrightness in communication. If we are insincere, it is unlikely that faith will develop. [...]  
  
Notice how I had omitted terms that you had been repeating multiple times. Depth does not necessarily mean using complex language; rather, depth in writing is achieved through having more substantial content. If you can grasp this, you should be able to cultivate more meaning in your (*future*) essays.  
  
*Best of luck in your endeavors!* I wish you well.
## disruptive behavior towards learning

  
  
Questions: *Today, many young people leave school with a negative attitude towards learning. What are the causes of this? Suggest some solutions.*  
  
There has been an increasing amount of students who graduate with disruptive behavior towards learning, which has affected their ability on a large scale. There are some causes of this development, and I will discuss several solutions to tackle this problem.  
  
One of the main problems of negative learning is that some students cannot keep up with the pace in their studies; they are more likely to fall behind in grades and feel depressed. This is the cause of peer pressure where young people find it challenging to maintain their studies with others, and as a result, they lose their confidence in their learning. Another cause is bullying from disruptive students, which may lead to severe social isolation to those affected in their academic studies. For example, there is news about students who were diagnosed with depression after they got bullied at schools several times, and it had therefore caused negative impacts on their health and studies both physically and mentally.  
  
However, one of the solutions to tackle students' negative behavior in their studies is to offer consulting services at schools with personal care. Students can then make appointments with consoler to talk about the development of their career plans, goals, and how to improve their academic performance during their school years. These improvements can help students to accept themselves and boost their positivity towards learning. Another solution to prevent bullying is to separate disruptive students in different classrooms at schools so that the majority of students can concentrate on their studies while students who bully can be separated with care. Schools are responsible for making sure each student can be well-developed and educated throughout their school years.  
  
In conclusion, although there are problems associated with a negative attitude towards learning from peer pressure and bullying at schools, problems can be solved if schools can provide consulting services and separate disruptive students with care.  
  
Your feedback is useful for my upcoming test, thanks!
@chrisskuo  
*Hello!*  
  
Let's take a look at your essay; and I'll do my best to provide you with an appropriate feedback.  
  
First and foremost, while I think that your grasp of the language is sufficient, you can turn your focus now on maximizing the space you have for your essay. Because IELTS requires that you work confined with a word count, it is best if you can manage to create more strategic structures that will help you in the long-run.  
  
In addition to this, omit what you can omit. Be straightforward. Restructure your sentences to create simpler and more bold proclamations.  
  
Try more organic transitions between your sentences. Doing this will help you create effective contents that do not appear to be unnatural.  
  
**Let's take a look at your essay and revise in accordance.**  
  
Students nowadays have disruptive learning behaviors, affecting a large scale of their abilities. There are causes to this to be discussed in the essay alongside solutions.  
  
One of the main problems with this negative mindset is that students cannot keep up with the pace of their studies. They fall behind in their grades, leading to potential mental issues.\* Peer pressure alongside other challenges growing up affect their confidence in learning. [...]  
  
\*It is inappropriate to create quite assumptive messages in academic essays (ie. *mentioning that it can already lead to depression*). Be cautious of the terms you use.  
  
*Best of luck in your writing.* Message us if you have any other questions!
Hello Chris!!  
  
It's a well written essay.  
The content is good as well.  
  
Mentioned below are a few suggestions to improve on your essay.  
... students who graduate with ~~disruptive behavior~~ (disruptive behavior does'nt convey the same meaning as negative attitude towards leaning. While it is always good to use synonyms and paraphrase, make sure the substitute word means the same.) a negative attitude towards learning, which...  
  
One of the main ~~problems~~ causes of a negative attitude towards learning is ...  
~~they~~ These students are more likely to...  
This ~~is the~~ causes ~~of~~ peer pressure ... to maintain ~~their studies~~ high grades in comparison to ~~with~~ others, and as a result, ...  
  
~~However,~~ One of the solutions ... behavior ~~in~~  towards their studies is to offer ~~consulting~~ counselling services ...  
.... appointments with ~~consoler~~ a counsellor to talk about the ...  
Another solution ... who bully can be separated with care ( Or instead of segregating students, you can have stricter anti bullying rules in schools and raise awareness regarding the detrimental effects of bullying among students).  
  
... if schools can provide ~~consulting~~ counselling services and ~~separate disruptive students with care~~ deal with disruptive students as well.  
  
Keep practicing and you will do much better as time passes.  
Good Luck! :)
## Percentage of national consumer expenditure by category - 2002

  
  
The given table presents the percentage which clients consume their money on different goods in five countries namely Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden, and Turkey.  
  
Overall, this is evident that people in the world prefer affording food/drinks/tobacco to other items. As can be seen that Turkey had the highest proportion compared to others while the major field Leisure/Education was neglected seriously especially in Spain.  
  
First of all, with the greatest percentage in Food/Drinks/Tobacco, Turkey went first, followed by Ireland which stood at roughly 33% and 29%. Besides, the amount of consumer expenditure in Turkey was higher and twice as much as that in Italy.  
  
On the other hand, it seems to be the case that beside the demand for food/drinks/tobacco, people were still big on hanging out for shopping. Additionally, the number of Italians shopping accounted for 9% whereas these data in four countries were recorded to be slightly fewer (nearly 5%). Turning to leisure/education, the overall percentage was immensely less than 2-3 times in comparison with two aforementioned aspects. However, there are no significant differences between Clothing/Footwear and Leisure/Education in both Sweden and Turkey.  
  
-194 words-  
  
*   
*Percentage of national consumer expenditure by category - 2002*
@andrewfoy273  
*Hi there!*  
  
First and foremost, I think that your writing is straightforward and to-the-point. This is essential when you are writing interpretative data.  
  
I recommend having more appropriate transition between your sentences/phrases. I have observed that you have a tendency to neglect structure when you are writing. Avoid this through being consistent with the rules of writing.  
  
Speaking of consistency, if you decide to capitalize a terminology (ie. *food/drinks/tobacco*), push through with it. But, in this case, there is no need - not unless you are speaking of formal names of countries.  
  
Having expressive sentences can also go a long way. You lose the meaning that you want to portray when you are merely writing everything.  
  
*Categorizing your words* can also help you have more technique in shortening your content to have more space for in-depth/contributor lines.  
  
**Let's revise.**  
  
The table is evidence of the world's preference towards purchasing food, drinks and tobacco compared to other items. Turkey had the largest proportion in comparison to others.\*  
  
*\*The addition of your interpretation of leisure/education is quite far-fetched here. It doesn't quite fit the flow of the paragraph. Try to integrate it elsewhere.*  
  
Firstly, Turkey had the greatest percentage in food, drinks and tobacco, followed by Ireland with 33% and 29% respectively. In addition, the amount of consumer expenditure in Turkey is twice higher than in Italy.  
  
[...]  
  
I have noticed that you attempted to structure in a way that perceives Turkey as a reference point. I can suggest that you try to be more explicit about this to avoid confusing the readers.  
  
*Best of luck in your writing.*
## What's right and what's wrong?

  
  
*It is important for children to learn the difference between right or wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?*  
  
No doubt that justifying and estimating is necessary skills for youngsters to acquire in their young age. Some people would suggest that punishment is possible method to encourage them to learn those skills. Personally, I am inclined to this view as it will be some beneficial for their personal development and some sorts of possible punishment are soon produced in this essay.  
  
It is irrefutable that parents and teachers will be taken the most responsibility for the behaviour of their children. In term of studying in school, pupils should be encouraged to follow the rules in order to get better achievement in their studies and develop their personal behaviour. Some recent researches have indicated that those students usually flout rules are likely to involve into the gangs and other unlawful activities. Besides, children should also be controlled by their parent. For example, they should arrange a set of regulations at home and children will be punished for breaking those rules.  
  
First, it is important to clarify that physical punishments must not be given at any moments as it probably contains harmful effects to their mental health. In this case, I would suggest that we should use suitable punishments that are enough to force them to learn but does not affect them to become depressed. For instance, some punishments such as restricting some benefits like the use of TV, the internet or other electronic devices at home as well as giving extra homework or cleaning the classroom could be used by parents and teachers as lessons to show children that negative behaviour will always have negative consequences.  
  
In conclusion, the modern life these days is becoming to have more temptations that may negatively affect the youngsters and it is necessary for them to comprehend how to avoid those traps, and there should be some possible punishments to oblige them to learn this distinction.
@nagasirenz2  
*Hi there!*  
  
Omit unnecessary words that drag your essay's length. Doing this would enable you to have more hold over the content's depth because you'll have more space for expounding your thoughts and opinions.  
  
Watch out for the formatting of your words. Always make sure that you are only using appropriate terminologies. This will help you tailor-fit and cultivate a more academic composition.  
  
Don't create *shortened sentences that do not use relevant/necessary details* as if you are in a haste; *don't cram everything* also in just one chunk.  
  
**Let's revise your essay.**  
  
There is no doubt that knowing how to justify is a necessary skill to acquire in a young age. Some people would suggest punishment to encourage this. Personally, I think having these punishments would be beneficial for self-development.  
  
It is irrefutable that parents and teachers take the most responsibility for the behavior of children. In terms of studying, pupils are encouraged to follow the rules to achieve better results in their academics. Recent researches indicate that students who flout rules are likely to get involved in gangs and unlawful activities. Additionally, parents should control their children. This can be done through setting regulations that have accompanying consequences when broken.  
  
Notice how I had reinterpreted your thoughts and ensured that I abide by the conventions of writing. Doing this will ensure that you have more structure in your essay.  
  
*Best of luck as always!*
## Who should take responsibility for the climate change?

  
  
Topic: *Some people think that developed countries have a higher responsibility to combat climate change than developing countries. Others believe that all countries should have the same responsibilities towards protecting the environment.*  
  
My essay: Climate change has become a global problem since the last century. The question of which country, more developed country or less developed country, should be more responsible for such issue has been highly controversial. While some people holds that all countries are responsible for environmental protection, I firmly hold that developed countries have a greater responsibility than developing countries.  
  
There is ample evidence to suggest that developing countries emit more greenhouse gas in the past 10 years due to a rapid initialization and the establishment of manufacturing firms of the multinational corporations. These companies are attracted by the low tax rate and lenient environmental regulations; therefore setting up their production lines. At such it can be concluded that developing countries should work in combating global climate change.  
  
I believe that there are some fault with this reasoning. Developed countries clearly lack of well-established system and technology to alleviate pollution problem and the emission of greenhouse gas. In contrast, more developed countries, United States and Germany, should have sufficient capital and technological innovation to reduce their pollution level. More, developed countries have the responsibility to be the leading role of dealing with global issues. Various measures can be applied, for example, technological transfer and emission trading. International co-operation is believed to be essential especially when all countries are facing the same problem.  
  
To summarize, I feel that all countries should contribution to lower their emission level and protect the atmospheric environment regardless of their level of development. To avoid further deterioration of the issue, they should work together to reduce carbon footprint.  
  
---------------------  
Please help me to mark my essay and give me a band score  
thanks!!!
@chanyinyui  
*Hi there!*  
  
I will not necessarily give a band score; I would still provide you with feedback on your essay.  
  
**A couple of key notes to consider and become cautious of:**  
  
1. Watch out for the structure of your sentences - hereafter, also your entire paragraph. Using techniques to integrate your thoughts will bring you a long way when it comes to writing.  
  
2. Evade repetitive language when you are writing. If you find yourself using the same word/s, try to use synonymous - or simply restructure your sentence in a way that would avoid the issue altogether.  
  
3. Be wary of lengthy sentences. Often, the reason why we get to these lengths is not because it is necessary. Rather, we forget to cut down on irrelevant details.  
  
**Keeping these in mind, let's revise a few portions of your essay.**  
  
Climate change has grown to be a global problem. The question of which country, more developed or less developed, should shoulder the responsibility has been controversial. While some people believe it should be all countries, I hold firm that developed countries have a greater responsibility.  
  
There is ample evidence suggesting that developing countries emit more greenhouse gas in the past decade due to rapid advancements in manufacturing from multinational firms. These companies, attracted by low tax rates and lenient environmental regulation, set up massive production lines.  
  
[...]  
  
The succeeding/last sentence you had for the second paragraph is quite unnecessary; you can omit it. When you are writing the third paragraph try to have a different tone and approach in writing as you were repeating the same terminologies and thoughts. If you can be more innovative in your content, it will go a long way.  
  
*Best of luck as always!*
## IELTS Task 2: Topic Environment

  
  
Hello!  
I am an IELTS learner and I am trying to improve my writing skill. I am not sure what level I am recently so please tell me what band this task might have.  
  
I am dying to know your comments because this is the third time I have written this task. I have already fixed plenty of things because those were so bad. Please feel free to comment. Thank you!  
  
**Topic: Individual actions have little or no effect on climate change. For this reason, worthwhile change can only be made at governmental level.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
These days, it is evident that environmental degradation has become a global issue to be solved as soon as possible. To handle this obstacle, some people think that the regime holds the duty to take measures because individuals make small or even no positive effect on preventing global warming. However, I strongly disagree with this. In my perspective, we all hold the responsibility to protect our planet from threatening.  
  
First of all, it is untrue that small actions cannot make any differences in the environment. Even though in fact, the impacts of authorities and other enterprises can play an indispensable role, the importance of people's awareness is still necessary. For instance, because our main source of energy is fossil fuels, if all the citizens in the country take some small positive movements like turning off the lights when they are unnecessary or replacing private vehicles with public transports, the regime of the country can save a huge amount of energy. As a result, the nation can reduce the carbon dioxide emissions contaminating the air as well as saving the national budget.  
  
In addition to personal measures, if one single person takes steps, then it is likely that the others will be inspired to do the same. The awareness of that community will raise highly, which encourages them to take further steps such as organizing a green campaign or founding a club which enhances other citizens' awareness about the Earth's issues.  
  
In conclusion, climate change is a difficult issue that needs a long-term measure. Nevertheless, in my opinion, not only do the high authorities take responsibility, but also the citizens are responsible for that. I strongly believe that with just a small but environmentally-friendly action, we can make a huge difference on our planet.