dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
*Please help me score and correct with my writing on IELTS Task 2. It would be greater if you can assess/mark it with IELTS Writing Criteria. My target is band 8.0 (if possible, please show me some kinds of tips to improve my score). Thank You :)*  
  
**## People are consuming more and more sugar-based drinks.

  
*Why? What can be done to reduce sugary drink consumption?***  
  
Nowadays, soft drinks are consumed at an alarming rate. Some explanations of this new trend will be put forward before an analysis of its solutions are given.  
  
To begin with, there are some causes associated with the upsurge of sugar-contained drinks. Firstly, most of these drinks are delicious and satisfy people's appetites, which provides a great sense of satisfaction when they drink them. Some researchers have proven that soft drinks which contain gas can help stimulate human's digestive system, enhance the feeling of craving for foods and allow the foods to be digested effectively. Therefore, some people stick with the habit of drinking sugary drinks while they are eating and food providers often add sugar drinks in their menu. For example, pizzas are usually provided with Coke for customers. Secondly, the proliferation of advertising has helped sugar-based drinks advertisements become more and more attractive to audiences. Advertisers create an appealing image in which these types of drinks are associated with an energetic lifestyle. Therefore, it encourages young viewers to purchase impulsively to keep up with their classmates and relatives. As a result, people are suffering from diabetes and obesity, which is mainly caused by sugar overconsumption.  
  
In order to tackle the above-mentioned problems, some utmost solutions are suggested for governments and families. Firstly, governments can impose taxes on sugar-sweetened beverage. When the prices of these products go up, people might shift their habits from consuming sugary drinks towards a healthier one. Therefore, it can help curb the number of sugar-contained drinks purchased. Secondly, parents should pay attention to the children's diet by adding more fruits and vegetables to the families' meals. Besides, mothers can make more healthy snacks for children in order to help them adapt to a healthier eating habit.  
  
In conclusion, the excessive consumption of sugar-based drinks is attributable to the effect of these drinks on people's appetite and the impact of soft drinks advertisements. Therefore, governments and families should cooperate to discourage people from purchasing these drinks before the situation become more serious.
***The government should spend more money on medical research to protect citizens health.*  
## Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Some people argue that more financial resource should be allocated to medical research rather than to the protection of the environment. I'm in a full opposition to the argument.  
  
On the one hand, it is true that investing resource in medical research directly and obviously contributes to the overall improvement of population's health. It allows people to have better knowledge on potential diseases and come up with relevant preventive measures, therefore, significantly reduces the mortality rate. Conducting quality medical research should be encouraged and funded in order to develop cures and precise diagnosis for diseases. Throughout history, if it had not been for medical researches, humankind must have faced and still struggled to combat numerous of diseases that could possibly cripple the well-being of human.  
  
On the other hand, spending money on preserving and protecting the environment has significant impacts on human health in the long run. Healthy population requires a healthy living environment; we cannot be healthy when our habitat is severely polluted. It is evident that a vast number of fatal diseases are associated with the deterioration of the environment such as asthma and cancer. They are the result of the constant overexposure to air pollution and contaminated food-chain. Henceforth, protecting the environment, preventing it from being deteriorated and altered is the earliest preventive measure to ensure a healthy society.  
  
In conclusion, the government should not be in favor of either medical research or preserving the environment. To enhance the average citizen's heath, an equal effort to better the quality of medical research and ensure the well-being of the nature is sensible move for all governments.  
  
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1  
There is no mention of environmental protection in the task. Your answer and the task you posted do not match.  
  
Prompt says *The government should spend more money **on medical research to protect citizens health*** but you paraphrazed this as *Some people argue that more financial resource should be allocated to medical research **rather than to the protection of the environment*** and then proceeded with adiing the environmental topic in your essay.  
  
At least to me, each paragraph separately looks great and convincing, but when combined in one essay they do not make much sense as the essay do not answer the given task.
@CARACHEL  
  
I think you are off-topic. This is an opinion essay, not a discussion essay. It means that you have to take one side and defend it. What you did in this essay was you said you disagree with the idea of spending more money on medical research than on protecting the environment but then you list down the reasons why the government should spend money on medical research. I think you should leave that idea out and just focus on presenting the reasons why the government should spend money on protecting the environment.  
  
You can edit your post but only in a limited time after you post it. There is an icon Edit on your post but it will only exist for a short time. After that you cannot edit your post.
## Life cycle of salmon

  
  
***The diagrams below show the life cycle of a species of a large fish called the salmon. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.***  
  
The given diagram explains the lifespan of salmon.  
Overall, there are totally four different stages in salmon's life, starting with eggs and continuing until they reach adult size.  
At the beginning of the cycle, adult salmons lay a massive number of eggs in the upper river where the water flow is slow. The eggs are hidden under reed and small stones for about five to eight months until they hatch into baby salmons termed "fry" and measure three to eight centimetres in length. For approximately the next four years, these baby fish live in the lower and faster-moving water of the river.  
  
When the salmons reach 12 to 15 centimetres long, they turn into a new stage called 'smolt'. At this time, they begin to migrant to the open sea where they spend about five years living. During this time, smolts grow quickly in size and reach 70 to 75 centimetres long to be called adult salmon. Finally, the adults swim upstream to reach the upper river where they reproduce a new generation and then the life cycle start again.  
  
*   
*Life cycle of salmon*
The proper presentation format for the task 1 essay requires a 3 paragraph presentation offering:  
- Summary overview = Trending statement  
- First data analysis  
- Second data analysis  
  
You compressed your illustrative report too much. Learn to divide the presentation into separate paragraphs such as:  
- Summary overview  
- Beginning cycle  
- End cycle  
  
If you are taking the CBT test, use the Enter key to separate your summary overview from the next paragraph. Use two Enter keystrokes to create the space between paragraphs. Otherwise, the paragraphs look like connected sentences. If you are using the pencil test, leave enough space , about one space between the paragraph presentations.  
  
That way you meet the formatting requirements. Don't forget, use between 3-5 sentences per paragraph to meet the individual paragraph sentence requirements. If you don't, you run the risk of writing using run-on sentences instead of a mix of simple and complex sentence.  
  
You do not use enough punctuation marks in the essay. You should be using a mix of commas, periods, and semicolons in the presentation. For example:  
  
*YV: The eggs are hidden under reed and small stones for about five to eight months until they hatch into baby salmons termed "fry" and measure three to eight centimetres in length.  
  
MV: The eggs are hidden under a reed and small stones for about 5 to 8 months. The eggs then hatch and are identified as "fry". The fry measures anywhere from 3 to 8 centimeters in length.*  
  
Using a period more frequently in the presentation helps to clarify the explanation to the reader. When you do not use enough punctuation marks, it becomes difficult for the reader to follow the train of thought and information presentation. Always cut up the presentation into mixed length sentences. Make sure you have only one set of data per sentence. That should help keep the data presentation clear and understandable to the reader. Here is another sample:  
  
*YV: During this time, smolts grow quickly in size and reach 70 to 75 centimetres long to be called adult salmon  
MV: During this time, smolts rapidly increase in size, with its sizes ranging from 70 to 75 centimeters. These smolts are then called "adult salmon".*  
  
As you can see, you can write more words in the essay, provided the words help to add to the cohesiveness and coherence of each sentence / paragraph. Don't get me wrong, you wrote well. It's just that, there is room for improvement in your work.
## University graduates, canada

  
  
**Task 1: The graph below shows the number of university graduates in Canada from 1992 to 2007.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
The line graph compares the number of people who had university degrees of males and females in Canada in the period of 15 years. The blue line represented for males and the red line represented for females.  
  
It is clear that the number of graduates witnesses an upward trend in both females and males, with females' figure saw a more dramatic change.  
  
In 1992, around 70,000 men owned university degrees, compared to about nearly 100 thousand individuals of females. The number of graduates grown progressively in the next 10 years for both females and males.  
  
In the later part of the period, sudden increases in the number of people obtained degrees were experienced for both men and women. There was a sharp increase for women, around 40,000 peoples in just 5 years from 2002 to 2007. By 2007, the figure recorded that nearly 150 thousand women and about 95 thousand men had university degrees.  
  
*
Don't just say 15 years. The actual coverage years are referred to in the graph. So include the actual years. If the information is specified in the graph, you should specify it in your report too. You should have also mentioned that the measurement was represented in the thousands for each gender. These information should all be a part of the summary overview. A paragraph that needs 3 sentences to be considered informative and complete. The graph shows instances of dips in the university graduate figures for both men and women. That should have been represented in the data report. There is a lack of information balance in your representation. You focused only on the upward trends, totally forgetting that "what goes up, must come down." So the downward trends should have been reported as well. Aim for uniformity in your discussion paragraphs. Always use the minimum 3 sentence presentation, but never present more than 5 sentences. That way you constantly avoid missing the formatting requirements and, your sentences will not veer on the run-on side. Remember, this is a 3 paragraph presentation being a task 1 essay. So learn to compress the information into related sentences within 3 paragraphs.
A street market is always a bustling spot during the hot summers. Here people sell fresh produce, flowers, desserts, crafts, clothing, snacks and even accessories. The stalls are randomly sequenced at both sides, leaving a narrow lane now squeezed with people. At the grocery stalls, vegetables and fruits look superbly fresh in their vibrant colours. The tangy aroma of sweet peaches permeates the air, truly refreshing. Almost every accessories stall could be found selling embroidered summer hats and sunglasses which are now bang on trend. All the vendors in the market serve their customer enthusiastically. Their smiles never go weary and they advertise their items with the sweetest approach. As for the customers, they drown the whole market with chatters and endless laughter, sometimes even intensify the chaotic state through the noise of bargain. Parents grip their children tightly in hand, fearing to have them lost among the boundless crowd of men. Vagabonds and beggars settle at the edgemost corner, await for the kind hearted men to be the next donor.The biggest attraction of the street market is nothing more famous than all the street food and delicacies. Those hot and fluffy pancakes dripped in corn maple syrup together with a glass of iced lemonade, muffins in various flavours and decorations, the mustard cony dogs, the classic chocolate ice- cream. They are just perfect summer treats! Such is the street market. Indeed a wonderful sight in this amazing summer.  
  
I really need yours comments T o T  
Plssss.......  
I just feel like something is wrong here......
I think that the paragraph is too straightforward. It is truly descriptive, in a mechanical way. You need to use a little creativity when writing the information.These descriptive statements often work better when the writer, if allowed by the teacher, uses a first person approach to the statement. The best way to write the short descriptive paragraph is always to do it by referring to your personal experience as a visitor at the street market. That gives an insider look to the market, a more engaging description of the activities, and simply an overall interactive experience rather than just a simple description as you have presented in this version. The essay you have right now is one dimensional. You need to use a more active voice in the presentation and that, is best served using first person pronouns. Take the reader along on the journey through the street market. You can describe the market, but that won't be as descriptive as an interactive description.
## The problem of worldwide rising temperature

  
  
**Should the international community do more to tackle the threat of global warming?**  
  
In the recent past, worldwide rising temperature has changed the climate and brought severe natural disasters which has influenced thousands of population tremendously. Despite the arguments from several people still do not attach importance to it, I personally disagree with that. The following essay will illustrate the reasons behind my standpoint.  
  
First point which I consider to be vital is rising sea level caused by global warming could bring an unimaginable catastrophe in the future. As far as I know, higher seas restrict not only the activity of human beings but also flora and fauna. An increasing number of people, for instance, who live in low-altitude area would lose their livelihood, settlements and become climate refugee potentially. Meanwhile, polar bears are dying out currently if the ice and snow still keep melting. Several vegetation is not able to live under the surface of water due to lack of the air as well.  
  
Equally importantly, worldwide rising temperature also leads to more frequent drought. Heat restrict proper conditions for crops to grow. Regions, where folks are capable of cultivating is getting smaller dramatically. As a result, it would be absolutely more population on the edge of starvation. In addition, under such extreme living circumstances, the food chain and ecological balance are destroyed step by step. Eventually, all the aforementioned problems would possibly bring about an enormous vicious circle threatening to the world.  
  
In summary, these symptoms of global warming will be even worse if we do not put efforts on finding connected solutions. In contrast, if we could take more actions immediately, such as passing environmental friendly bills or reducing carbon footprint, we may have a great chance to cease the imperil of global warming.  
  
**Hallo Mr. Holt, hope this time I did not change the prompted discussion and could be worth scoring. If I used wrong words or improper sentences, please let me know. I really want to improve my English writing skills!!! Thank you very much and best regards :)**
I wish you had attached the original prompt that you are responding to. This question is not part of the environmental discussion topics for the Task 2 essay as far as I can tell. The closest discussion to this that I could find in my topic reference list is:  
  
*Global warming is one of the most serious issues that the world is facing today. What are the causes of global warming and what measures can governments and individuals take to tackle the issue? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.*  
  
Is this the topic you are discussing? If not, then you should have provided the full prompt you were responding to. If I were to base your response on the aforementioned prompt, I would have to say that you once again deviated from the topic. The reference was not international community but rather, governments and individuals. Without the actual, original prompt, I can only give you a general assessment of your grammar work. I do not dare touch on your discussion content as I might offer you the wrong advice, since I am unsure about the prompt you are dealing with.  
  
Grammar Rules:  
When using a plural word form, all references to its connecting data must be in plural form (thousands of population = thousands of populations.)  
Avoid using words of uncertainty in the presentation as you are required to defend your stance in a convincing manner. Never say "As far as I know..." or "possibly bring" Always word your sentences with conviction or a strong opinion.
***The table below show the figures for imprisonments in five countries between 1930 and 1980.***  
## Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

  
  
The bar chart delineates the number of imprisonments in five different countries from 1930 to 1980.  
A glance at the graph reveals that during the fifty years the highest figures were held by the United States and Canada, with the United states dominating all the years, except for 1930.  
  
Particularly, the number of prisoners in the United States started from 100,000 in 1930 and after several fluctuations reached at 140,000 in 1980, the highest figure in all years and in all countries. On the other hand, Canada witnessed 20,000 more imprisonments than the USA had in 1930 but followed a downward trend and stood at approximately 90,000. Simultaneously, New Zealand began from the same level of imprisonments as the United States, although in 1940, dropped dramatically to only 58,000 prisoners and the next forty years saw an upward trend reaching at just above 90,000. Similarly, Australia followed the same pattern as New Zealand but in 1930 the prisoners were at about 70,000 and by the end of the fifty-year period, with some fluctuations in the meantime, it increased to just under 80,000. Interestingly, Great Britain had the lowest figures of imprisonments, although it saw a steady rise.  
  
*
The opening summary must also include the measurement type, the complete listing of the 5 countries, and the measurement basis (decade upon decade). These information will help inform the reader regarding the most basic information coming out of the report. The report should also be presented within 3 paragraphs. I am not sure if it was by accident, or if you did not realize that there was a 3 paragraph requirement for the task 1 essay because you only have 2 paragraphs presented here. You compressed all of your information in the second paragraph, which went against the formatting requirements. Kindly provide the 3 paragraph formatting requirement.  
  
If you wish, you could present the median or middle measurement for the countries as a part of the comparison discussion. I make this suggestion to you because you mentioned several fluctuations in your second paragraph, but did not justify it with measurement figures. So the reader will end up wondering what you are talking about. You could do a comparison of the middle figures to help you form a more detailed comparison discussion in one of the remaining 2 paragraphs. Try to outline the essay before you start writing. In this case your outline should show the starting, middle, and ending figures, which you can present in comparative format within the data report. Always use a 3 paragraph presentation format. That means, you will need to figure out how to create 3 paragraphs based on the existing information.
## What's important in the growth of a person?

  
  
*After birth what will play a major role in one's personality and development. Nature or Nurture? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.*  
  
It is a controversial debate as to whether nature or nurture plays a vital role in the personality and development of an individual. I think that nurture is really important factor in judging the human perspective. I will elaborate in upcoming paragraphs to support my view point.  
  
Nourishment is an integral part in life of human beings. Even if the nature of a person is not good then it can become better by nurturing the goods habits in them. For example: if a plant is becoming wither then we can give back shinning life to plants by nourishing it with pesticides and water then it starts blossom again so is the same case with people. Moreover, it is generally seen that if a child has been adopted by other family and later on if anybody compares that child with the sibling then we hardly find any similarity between them due to the difference in upbringing of a child. Thus, it is the nurture which is important in development.  
  
Furthermore, various researches have evidenced that children emulate the footprints of their parents, whatever they will see in their family they will always follow the same way. Therefore, it is significant to act sagaciously in front of the kids otherwise it will ruin their life. Parenting is quite crucial if they will inculcate the good habits in their child then nature of the kids would definitely will become fantabulous on its own.  
  
All in all, I believe that nurturing is important in the growth of a person but indeed a difficult step to implement and parents need to act cautiously while developing their child.