dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
I am not impressed with your written work because you did not respond to the prompt requirement in the prompt paraphrase, which is supposed to be representative of the discussion outline in the essay. As such, you will receive tremendously low TA scores. It is not enough for you to have an opinion on the topic. You need to have a proper opinion presented based on the prompt requirements in relation to the paraphrasing of the discussion and response to the question being asked of you.  
  
So the question is:  
  
OP: To what extent do you agree?  
  
That signifies a measured response essay of 2-3 reasoning paragraphs. The measurement is given using measurement descriptive words like fully, totally, partially, equally, greatly, among other descriptive response words. Your response totally altered the discussion of the essay because you indicated:  
  
*I believe that each way of communication has its advantages on particular situation but in general the effectiveness of written communiction is unchallenged*  
  
While you did place your measured response in the essay, you placed it in the wrong place. You placed it in the conclusion. The concluding paragraph is always used as a summary of the discussion paragraphs and your opinion. You can never place your opinion in the conclusion because your opinion needs to be part of the body of paragraphs where you can present a clear explanation based on:  
  
- Your opinion  
- Reason for your opinion  
- Justification of your opinion (optional)  
- Example to support your opinion  
- Transition sentence.  
  
Your TA score depends on you properly responding to the prompt in the paraphrase paragraph. The measured response has to be a part of the rephrased information because it is part of the required discussion outline presentation. When you do not place the direct response in the restatement, your score automatically gets docked for points. You do not properly format the response in this essay. You will not get a good mark for it.
## some people think that to lead a successful life a university degree is important

  
  
These days taking a university degree is being argued no longer as a determinant of a person's success. There may be advantages of not going into university but in my point of view, there are higher chances to achieve one's success when a person has a university degree.  
  
On the one hand, studying in universities opens a lot of opportunities to every individual that can make them successful. One thing is more knowledge and understanding in one's field of practice or study. For instance, persons interested in psychology could learn theories, do research, and apply their learning in a particular field. Another positive point in pursuing a university degree is establishing connections with people. On university campuses, there are lots of engaging activities that open up opportunities for like-minded people. These connections could be helpful in building a successful career, like professors that could sponsor students to pursue post-graduate studies. Subsequently, an individual with a university degree has more chances of getting a job position because many employers look for this qualification. Thus, with more advantages of holding a university degree offers, there are more chances of living a successful life.  
  
On the other hand, the fact cannot be also refuted that there are people who have been successful without studying in universities. These are individuals who pursued a passion, learned skills online, and did other exemplary activities. However, according to statistics, there are only a few who reached success by doing things like these. Moreover, the chances of failure in pursuing someone's passion is more likely than the chances of not getting a university degree. For instance, some people are trying to establish blogs online who depends on luck that one day they will be popularly known for their ideas. Unfortunately, with hundreds of thousands of internet bloggers, there are really slim chances that one will be instantly famous. In this case, the probability of success is so little, and banking up one's profile with a degree sounds more rational.  
  
Undoubtedly, a successful life has many determinants. However, there are higher chances of living in success if one will invest with years of education than simply waiting for an opportunity. Eventually, one's passion could still be pursued after getting a degree, and could still be successful in the long run.
I think that your essay is great, but I want to point out some sentences that it might be incorrect.  
  
"However, there are higher chances of living ..."  
  
First, the conditional sentence structure does not exist, I think you should you the first conditional sentence. Second, there is only "invest sth in sth", there is no "invest with". And this word is not suitable in this situation.  
  
I would fix it "However, there can be higher chances...if one prioritise years of education than simply waiting...  
  
The next one "apply their learning in ...".  
"Apply sth to sth" is the best phrase. I haven't seen your phrase before.  
  
"A success life has many determinants". I would use "depends on" instead. I feel it so strained.  
  
"Subsequently, an individual ..."  
I think "subsequently" should be used in a process like flow chart in task 1. This one you use it as a linking word to make a new statement. Moreover, this statement is not supported by nay explanation or example, it might not have much value.  
  
The most important thing is that you should only have two statements, you have 5 statements but not all of them are supported sufficiently. And the essay is too lengthy, I think it's impossible to write in 40 minutes.  
  
I can only point out some trivial mistakes but I hope that it's helpful
My first impression from this essay was that it is somehow rather ambiguous to understand what your are going to talk about, which can be related to your use of grammar and lexicology. When I looked closer, I can see there were several points that could be hard to understand. For example:  
  
"One thing is more knowledge and understanding in ... For instance, persons interested in psychology could ..."  
  
This makes little sense, because this person in the example is only interested in it. Moreover, you haven't made it clear about the benefits of knowledge acquisition at university, so I suggest trying to write a clearer topic sentence and give relevant examples. Here is my rendition:  
  
*A noticeable benefit of studying at university is that the knowledge acquired can be helpful for individual's career prospect and the society as a whole. For example, a person who has interest in psychology can apply their knowledge at school to give advice and suggestion related to the mental well-being of other people, thus bettering their lives off.*  
  
Talking about the coherence and cohesion, since there has been some misinterpreted points, it means your coherence is not strong enough and therefore, minimizing your score.  
  
However, a good point is that your vocabulary and grammar is sufficient enough, since I can see some advanced words such as "undergraduate, establish, pursue, etc." There is a sense of naturalness in your use of lexicons and I really appreciate it. Well done!
## Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:

  
***Advertising makes people buy things that they don't need.***  
  
Advertisement appears everywhere in this day and age, from billboard, to flyers and to TV commercials. Also, advertising plays a significant role in corporate success. I believe that these advertisements encourage people to buy things that they don't actually need.  
  
I hold the belief for two major reasons. First, a successful advertising is able to make products become both well-preformed and cost-effective than they really are. Customers who are not interested in the product originally are likely to be attracted by the advertisement and finally decide to by it. For instance, how many times do you believe the medicine on the advertisement is a cure-all? How many times does a hamburger on the menu increase your appetite? However, when the product comes into your hands, you realize that it is not the thing you want. The medicine is not that magical and the hamburger is unsavory. It is reasonable as proper light and beautiful decoration make the food appeals to be more delicious and some products only function well in certain case --- the case shown in the advertisement. Second, in order to earn more profits, encouraging customers to buy thing they don't need is what a company aims to do, and companies achieve the goal mainly by advertising. This point can be illustrated by the example of Bruce Barton, known as Ad Man, have successfully set up one of the major creative advertising firms operating in the United States by selling a mass of products to all kinds of customers, including the one who don't need them.  
  
Some may argue that technology revolution has opened up the information highway to everyone. Customers can easily compare products online and make sensible decision. However, advanced technology also enables companies to send more customized advertisement that is in line with buyers' interest, which helps companies to sell more products to those who don't need them.  
  
It is safe to conclude that advertising encourage people buy things that they don't need. Further, it is essential for us to compare different products and make a sensible choice before buying things.
You don't need to justify your number of reasons, nor list it in the essay. You have to simply start off with a strong hook in every paragraph. You do that by creating an interesting topic sentence at the start. The first 2 sentences of your first explanatory paragraph are considered word fillers. These will not help to increase your score on the basis of direct reasoning. If you open with a reason, then proceed with the explanation, then you show that you have a strong control of your English sentence development abilities. Thus adding to your points in the scoring criteria.  
  
Do not offer questions in the response presentation. It throws you off the topic for discussion. Frame the question as a part of your response instead. That way the reasoning becomes stronger and your discussion, better supported. For the second, separate reason, present it in a new paragraph. Do not include it in the original presentation. For clarity purposes, each reason needs its own fully developed paragraph. The essay will tend to be cluttered if you try to combine two reasons in one paragraph. It becomes difficult to read.  
  
The current second paragraph feels like a throw away. It does not feel like it is connected with the previous discussion paragraphs. You don't need to include that kind of little developed presentation in the essay. You should always make sure that your paragraph discussions are inter-related or somehow connected with one another in he presentation. The last 2 paragraphs do not accomplish that very well. You could have used just the first 2 reasoning paragraphs for this essay and closed on a somewhat high score.
## turtles population statistic

  
  
The line graph illustrates the number of turtles across four different species in India over a 32-year period from 1980 to 2012.  
  
Overall, what stands out from the line graph is that while Olive Ridley Turtles experienced an increase, LeatherBack Turtles and Green Turtles witnessed a fall during the period. Moreover, All species remained almost constant throughout the period with some minor fluctuations. Additionally, all four species started with the same figure in 1980.  
  
On the one hand, Olive Ridley Turtles' figures rose with small oscillations from 100 turtles in 1980 to approximately 130 turtles in 2012. This represent an increase of 30 turtles, which is the biggest increase in the four species. In contrast, LeatherBack Turtles' and Green Turtles' numbers experienced a steady decline from 100 turtles for both at the beginning to roughly 57 turtles and 90 turtles. The former stands with the biggest decrease in their numbers with 43 turtles.  
  
On the other hand, All species stay approximately constant with some minor fluctuations between 110 turtles and 99 turtles.  
  
*   
*Population of turtles in India*
The summary overview could have been more completely represented in the paragraph by indicating several additional information. These information are:  
- The types of turtles  
- The index measurement  
- The trending statement  
  
While you did place the trending statement as a stand alone sentence at the end of the presentation. The task 1 essay is normally composed of only 3 paragraphs with the trending sentence placed somewhere in the summary overview. This creates a more informative summary and also, creates a more cohesive discussion presentation and outline for the discussion.  
  
It seems that you failed to use the numbers indicated per turtle species in the chart. Why is that? The turtles starting population were signified by these numbers. You should have used it in the presentation prior to the comparative presentation.
This ~~represent~~ (Noun - Verb agreement) an increase of 30 turtles  
  
"In contrast, LeatherBack ... and 90 turtles." ...etc..  
  
I'm confused which period that you mentioned in this sentence. I think it would be better if you can state the time frame.  
Also, there was some outstanding data in this chart that you can indicate such as: the peak of number of Olive Ridley Turtles in 1997 and the fall of LeatherBack Turtles in 1987.
**More and more people want to buy clothes, cars and other items with famous brands. What are the reasons? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?**  
  
## the "brand effect"

  
  
In recent years, there has been a discernibly growing tendency to purchase products of well-known brands around the world. This essay will help shed a light on the reasons behind this phenomenon and draw a personal conclusion about whether it is a good or bad one.  
  
There are two underlying explanations for mass need of famous brand items. The first reason is due to the extravagant public advertising of these brands. By virtue of having a stable economic foundation, these companies are able to direct large expenditure on hiring celebrities, television commercials, ... which may stimulate herd mentality and snob effects. By way of illustration, a product which turns out to be utilized by an idol would soon be sold out owing to excessive purchases from his fans. Furthermore, modern generations by nature always thrive for recognition. They tend to believe that possessing these products could make them fashionable and popular amongst their peers.  
  
Although people hold various viewpoints about this phenomenon, I am of the opinion that this is a bad trend. Affording these renowned brand products often requires an enormous expenditure. This means that people are encouraged to squander their money which should be spent on more important circumstances. Moreover, from a perspective of economics, this trend also deprives infant start-ups of the chance to gain popularity.  
  
In conclusion, more and more renowned brand purchases results from excessive advertising of the company and mass desire for recognition. In light of aforementioned points, it is my firm belief that this is a bad phenomenon which has repercussions for not only each individual but also the whole economy.
First up, excellent discussion work in this essay. You provided a very good discussion restatement and you properly outlined the presentation as well. However, you created a run-on sentence in your final presentation in that paragraph. Always adhere to the 3 sentence ruling in the introduction and conclusion restatements. Every sentence gains more clarity when presenting only one topic within its presentation.  
  
Grammatically, the essay does have several sentence structure problems. The method by which you expressed yourself still remained understandable in the presentation regardless of the mistake in sentence structure and word choice. Brush up on your vocabulary and do more sentence development exercises to gain more proficiency in these areas. Exercises are available online and through apps. By the way, academic essays always avoid using ellipses (...) in its presentations. Those are normally used in creative writing to depict serious thought or additional information not indicated on the page. Do not use it to connect one sentence to another.  
  
Additionally, each paragraph needs to depicts only up to 2 related topics in the presentation. These are connected, not using ellipses, but by using an explanatory transition sentence in the middle of the paragraph. The transition sentence should clearly explain the transfer of ideas from one to the next. All of these should be completed within a maximum of 5 sentences. Writing more will not assure you of a higher score. Writing 5 sentences will, in the end, allow you to have some extra time to refine your essay. The refinement will offer you a better chance to improve your presentation and improve your score as opposed to you just writing more without double checking the presentation for vocabulary, clarity, and grammar issues.  
  
You should be happy with the work you did here. Regardless of the problems with the presentation, I strongly believe, based on the scoring criteria and considerations, that you would get a 6 with this type of presentation.
## Teaching Students the Meaning of Right and Wrong

  
  
**Some people think that teacher should be responsible for teaching students to judge what is right and what is wrong so that they can behave. Others say that teacher should only teach student academic subjects**  
  
Many believe that students should be taught to distinguish between good and bad at schools. Others think that teacher should only provide academic knowledge. In this essay I would like to consider both views and give my personal opinion on the discussion.  
  
On the one hand, some people are convinced that it is a teacher's responsibility to educate students how to tell good from bad, because it is at school where kids spend most of their time. Instructors, therefore, are able to observe and make necessary assessments on how pupils interact with one another. If the child is misbehaving, the teacher can take proper action by immediately addressing the issue.  
  
However, opponents argue that teacher simply does not have enough time to accommodate all children, because modern classrooms are large and on average contain about 35 children. With 40-minutes duration of a regular academic class, simultaneous lecturing of every child on ethical issues of right and wrong simply becomes an impossible task for an instructor.  
  
As for my opinion, it coincides with the second view that the lecturers today are already overburdened with the amount of academic knowledge that they have to teach to students. If classroom instructors are given an additional task of teaching what is good and bad, then the quality of academic education will most inevitably drop down. The teaching of right and wrong to children, therefore, should be the primary responsibility of parents.  
  
In conclusion, some believe that the school should teach the values of good and bad, because students spend a lot of time there. Others think that instructors cannot provide a high quality education by teaching academics and ethical issues at the same time. I support the second opinion that school should exclusively provide an academic education, which is the only thing that can secure the child's successful future.
## Question:

 ***Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?***  
## People benefit more from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign countries.

  
  
Many people claim that traveling overseas have more benefits than traveling within your country because people will have the opportunity to try a new experience by communicating with foreigners, live their traditions, and eat their foods. However, I fully disagree with this belief and I will support this stance by presenting several acceptable reasons.  
  
The first reason for my opinion is that traveling in my own country is safer than traveling to a f foreign country. The safety is very important for travelers, and people consider it as the most important aspect, when they plan for a new trip. Since I am living in the United states, I am familiar with the safety system in the country. I know how to call the police department and how to report any violence against me or my family. Moreover, If someone stole my credit card, I would call my bank to stop my credit card's activities.  
  
The second reason for my belief is that the domestic traveling is cheaper than traveling overseas. To travel overseas, we have to use the fly system to get to our new destinations. However, the average cost of any travel by plane is $1500 in regular seasons for the economy class, and the price will jump up to $5000 at least in high seasons. Therefore, I prefer to use my car to travel domestically and spend my vacation in New Orleans, Louisiana or Orlando, Florida and pay $300 for transportation rather than throw my money to have a vacation in Turkey or Egypt.  
  
In conclusion, people like to have an new experience by traveling to a foreign country because they like to see a new culture and live in a different lifestyle for 10 days or 20 days, but I disagree with this notion at all. I believe traveling within my country will allow me to have a safe vacation and non costly vacation.  
  
This essay is for the second question of TOEFL exam.  
Thanks in advance
I'll start my review with the common errors that could have easily been corrected with proper editing towards the end of the test. Use a hyphen for connected words such as non-costly. Do not capitalize words that are not nouns in the middle of a sentence. After a comma, the next word still starts with lowercase letters. Maybe you accidentally hit the shift key while typing so that happened. Always read what you have typed to avoid such a costly error. Now, let's review your content.  
  
Do your best to not write more than 300 words for this essay so that you can have time for editing and revising your paper. It is important for you to self-edit towards the end of the exam so that you can correct any mistakes that you can spot. These simple corrections could have an increasing effect on your final score so don't neglect to edit your work. Do not write more words, edit your work instead.  
  
Did you make a mistake with the prompt topic? Your response runs counter to the original presentation.  
  
*OP: People benefit more from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign countries.  
YP: Many people claim that traveling overseas have more benefits than traveling within your country ...*  
  
The prompt clearly says, " ... traveling in their own country than overseas". You responded, "Many people claim that traveling overseas have more benefits..."  
  
It would have been more appropriate to say:  
  
*I agree that traveling within my own offers more gains. I say this because traveling within one's own country becomes an educational experience. One that is not provided in school. Some benefits of this type of travel are...*  
  
You created an accidental prompt deviation. You cannot agree or disagree with a statement that is not found in the original prompt. You cannot create your own discussion topic. Your essay is not discussing the topic provided. As such, you will get a TA score of 1. That score reflects how your response is completely not related to the given task. For the task, the topic given is one of the major considerations. How you understand it reflects English comprehension skills. The main reasons for this score is your questionable responsiveness to the task  
  
With a score like that, you cannot expect to get a passing score for this essay due to the other mistakes you made in the presentation. Once you show that you did not understand the given topic, you clearly indicate a strong lack of English understanding As such, you cannot be allowed to pass the test.