dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**The charts below show the results of surveys in 2005 and 2009 asking workers about their relationship with their supervisors and their co-workers.**  
  
The pie charts reveal a comparison the number of workers relationships with managers and colleagues. The data covered those subjects based on the survey in 2005 and 2009. Overall, it can be seen that while the statistics for employees say that there were the precise quality rating levels of relations with both bosses and workmates in both years existed. Both statistics were recorded as by far the greatest ratio. In any case, the modest rose slightly in both classifications were indicated over the balance of the two years.  
  
According to the data, the quality of relations between employees and the bosses did not illustrate great variations in ratio since the beginning of survey. In 2005, 61 percent of staff members admitted that they had perfect relations with their managers. After that, this percentage rose sharply by 4 percent in 2009. More than a fifth of employees from the total people who abreast of survey in both years report their relations with managers so good, which was the second biggest classifications. A very small number or workers at under 10 percent argued that their relationships with bosses was delicate.  
  
Moving to another surveys that related to colleagues affiliation, there was a few different numbers of very good category with workmates. Between 2005 and 2009, it rose gradually from 63 to 70 percent. The category of good in 2005 almost as equal as in 2009, which was from 28 to 25 percent particularly. All of the other categories only shown a small percentage of relations between workers and workmate at under 10 percent in both of period.  
  
*   
*question*
Hi wilyaftika23,  
  
At the first sight, your writing task 1 is TOO LONG. It's over 250 words.  
  
... of workers relationships ~~with~~(BETWEEN) managers and colleagues.  
  
The data ~~covered~~ those subjects based ... ---> it still utilizes present tense and verb 1  
  
... the statistics for employees say that there were ... ---> you have to start your overview with past tense, it had already occurred in 2009.  
  
... relationships with bosses was delicate. ---> it should be verb 2, because it needs past tense.  
  
Moving to another survey~~s~~ that related to ... ---> another + singular noun  
  
there was a few different numbers ...---> it should be "were + plural noun"  
  
Keep writing!
Studying overseas language is not a bugbear in this modern era. Some experts claim that juvenile must learn a trans-border language at grade school instead of high school. I extremely agree, in this globalization age, the child has to acquire overseas language to compete with international society and raise the standard of children's education in the future. Despite it is too early for child learns another language.  
  
In the first place, early education for study English has a slight drawback. There is a fear that the child will experience boredom if children recommended by the scholar to study English in primary school. They will not be willing learn more about the subject when they have already grown. For instance, begin in grade school the child had to learn the basic of English. On the other hand, in high school they must learn more advance English, they will be too bored to study the subject more.  
  
Apart from the previous discussion, there are many merits of studying the subject in early age, due to the fact that they have to compete one another with the foreign child. According to TIME magazine, the pupil, especially in ASEAN countries, must collide while ASEAN Economic Community has already occurred at this time. They will rival to get job opportunity with fellow Indonesian or overseas society. Moreover, educations of the student will be escalated by learning English hereafter. As a result, they will survive in the future when they study English in the early period.  
  
In conclusion, it is obviously the pupil must take trans-border language due to the advantages of learning English in grade school, although they must struggle with their flatness.
Haloo @Washisa, I got some suggestions for your writing:  
  
1. ... boredom if children (ARE) recommended by the ...  
  
2. ... grade school the child ~~had~~ (HAS) to learn the ...  
  
3. According to TIME magazine, the pupil(S), especially in ASEAN countries,  
  
4. Moreover, education~~s~~ of the student will ...  
  
5. In conclusion, it is obvious~~ly~~ (THAT) the pupil must take ...
The school is the first-hand agent to develop children's education foundation. Some people in few countries reveal that youngster had pressured in school and caused they have slight spare time. I have a tendency it had occurred that the school has another perspective regarding learning process. They should do a research to the pupil then evaluate thereafter.  
  
Every school has an own horizon to rule learning method. Jaya Hadiningrat, a senior contributor to The Jakarta Post uttered that most of the countries in ASEAN have the strict practice that required their school member to finished many homework at home. They do not have many times for refreshing their brain. It is not good for their frame of mind, even though it will shape the pupil in the future. Hence, the situation lessens the creative hemisphere of the learner.  
  
All I can say that the obvious problem-solving for this case is the school should observe and assess their learning practice. For instance, the preceptor must have a report of student's cognitive apart from student report. In a cognitive report, the teacher will have internal evaluation measuring the effectiveness of the teaching method. The institute will find out the matter experienced by their school member.  
  
In short, the student should have well organized time between studying and relaxing. Moreover, the preceptor should appraise learning and teaching progress as well. Both of effort will bring improvement for the proceeds.
Hai @Washisa, I got some advice for your writing:  
  
1. ... reveal that youngster ~~had~~ (HAVE) (BEEN) pressured in school ~~and~~ (WHICH) cause~~s~~ (S) they have slight spare time.  
  
2. I have a tendency (THAT) it ~~had occurred~~ (OCCURS) ~~that~~ (AS/BECAUSE) the school has another ...  
  
3. ... contributor ~~to~~ (OF) The Jakarta Post uttered..  
  
3. They do not have ~~many~~ (MUCH) time~~s~~ for refreshing their brain.
**Some people say that the clothes people wear are the most important indication of what they are like. Others, however, say that people should not be judged by the clothes they wear**  
  
Some people think that clothes are the most important aspects to indicate the personality of what they like. But others think that we should not judge people from what they like to wear. Actually, people is using the kinds of clothes for many reasons in their daily lives. They always change the way they dress depend on the destination. So, i think we cannot judge people by the clothes that they wear  
  
People's clothes depend on where they want to go. For instance, a lawyer always uses the formal suit every day because the purpose of what they wear is to attract their clients so that they can use their service or in different occasion they use formal suit to convince judges from client's problem. So, they wear kind of suit to get the impression of people around them  
  
In contrast, when we meet the lawyer outside their workplace such as in the supermarket, wearing a t-shirt and bracelet in their hand, we cannot judge him as a punk because they wear it outside the work. They actually can wear everything what they like but the personality is more important than the clothes that we wear. Another example, a rock singer using black pants and tight shirt when in the stage. We cannot blame her directly as a bad person because they use it for work and we do not know her personality  
  
All in all, there is a quote 'do not judge a book by its cover' it is the reflection of many statements above. I believe that people using clothes based on what they like and what occasion they wanted to come and it cannot be equal from people's personality
Hai @Ifra, I got some advice for your writing:  
  
1. ... most important aspect~~s~~ to indicate the ...  
  
2. Actually, people ~~is using~~ (USE) ~~the~~ (DIFFERENT) kinds of ...  
  
3. ... a rock singer ~~using~~ (WEARS) black (...) when (HE OR SHE IS) ~~in~~ (ON) the stage.
**Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child's development while others think that it is important for children to go to school.  
  
Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion**  
  
Answer:  
  
Today is the child's picture in the future. For the purpose of this reason, some people tend to send their child to school while others have a tendency to take their child get homeschooling for themselves development. I personally believe that both approaches have valuable impact.  
  
Taking attending school approaches at first. It is generally known that when children study in school, they will interact with their same age friends or even with other level students. All of children take part in group activities and learn how to make decision for their program. In the class, they cooperate in the certain case which is needed comprehensive skill such as communication and respect mentality. Those are important for them in mentality development.  
  
Another approach is homeschooling. Even though this method is not as popular as the former's one, this way has positive impact for the children, since school at home has possible more focus on particular subject. The children can improve their dominant skill or subject, so they can be expert on that. By doing this approach, parents or teacher can give full attention to them which it can encourage themselves faster. In addition, parents can control their children's time and interaction.  
  
To sum up, whatever approaches that people choose, it is important to consider the children's condition. No matter attending to school or homeschooling which children get, those can influence the children's development. On the other word, the more we can take them in the right place, the more they have bright future.
Hai @AhmadNasran, I got some advice for your writing:  
  
1. ... certain case which ~~is needed~~ (NEEDS) comprehensive skill(S) such as ...  
  
2. this way has positive impact(S) for the children, since school at home ~~has~~~~possible~~ more focus(ES) on particular subject(S).  
  
3. ... full attention to them (IN) which it can ...
Our children are a precious gift from GOD. One of the pivotal foundations of the children is an education. In general mind of some individuals that parents send their children to school for socializing and striving in society. Whilst others consider that homeschooling is the prime preference for a child to be more focus on the lessons. Both of tracts are proficient ways to given depend on parent's deliberation.  
  
The most obvious merit of going to formal education is how pupils face their life as assorting with their relatives in school. According to Danielle Tasmajian, the Master's College for kon.org utters that school is first-hand agent evolving children to learn how to deal with the circumstance. The pupil will attempt to encounter various characters of their fellows in a good way. They must have an important role in social development to through the adolescence phase. Nevertheless, it will be a boomerang for parents if they do not keep track of their children association.  
  
On the other hand, there is another mode for taking an education is teaching the children at home. The vantage is the pupil can be more pay attention to studies. It proved when my mate takes homeschooling for his education. He reveals that learn tuition at home could create his focus at the highest level. Unfortunately, children with homeschooling status will struggle when they have to deal with group scope.  
  
To sum up, by taking conventional school assist children to develop their behavior over the fettle. In spite of teaching the pupil in the home could make them fully focus on the subject. It is a fundamental selection for parents and they have to grant it wisely.
Hi @Washisa, I got some advice for your writing:  
  
1. ... foundations of the children is ~~an~~ education. (Education is uncountable)  
  
2. ... proficient ways to (BE) given ~~depend on~~ (DEPENDING ON) parent's deliberation.  
  
3. It (HAS BEEN) proved (PROVEN) when my mate ...  
... create his focus at (ON) the highest level.  
  
4. ... taking conventional school ~~assist~~ children ~~to~~ (CAN) develop their ...
The pie chart reveals the information about the proportion of questionnaire result of parkway hotel service between 2005 and 2010 and it is measured in the percentage. Overall, all services have experienced an alteration. In this case, while satisfactory and very poor experienced a decreasing trend, the opposite was seen in the remaining figures.  
  
Initially, more visitors claimed the customer service was satisfactory at 45%, compared to other figures. This was followed by poor option at approximately 21%, while 15% was recorded in the chart for very poor, visitors said it was good at 14%. A small proportion saw in excellent.  
  
Turning to 2010, the highest percentage was experienced in good at twice higher than the figure for satisfactory accounting for 17%. Following this, a significant jump by 24% saw in the excellent figure, boosting it to occupy the second position. This was in contrast to the figure for both poor and very poor seeing a decrease, with higher proportion shown in the former.  
  
*
**Hi Riandi.  
These are a few corrections for your writing.**  
  
all services have experienced an alteration  
*Avoid using this sentence. This is like the hackneyed sentence. As we can see, there are changes certainly.*  
  
This is the alternative overview:  
OVERALL, IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE VISITORS HAD FELT MORE PLEASURABLE THAN THE PREVIOUS YEAR.  
  
Turning to the body paragraph, you describe the data separately based on years. I suggest you compare the figures in the different years,  
  
Initially, more visitors claimed the customer service was satisfactory at 45%, compared to other figures  
INITIALLY, THE VISITORS FELT SATISFIED WITH THE SERVICE, REPRESENTING AT 64% FOR TOTAL OF CATEGORIES' PERCENTAGES IN SATISFACTION VALUES (EXCELLENT, GOOD, AND SATISFACTORY).HOWEVER, THEIR ASSESMENT CHANGED IN THE FOLLOWING FIVE YEARS, MARKED WITH AN INCREASE BY A FIFTH OF TOTAL RESPONDERS.  
  
Turning to 2010 CIRCUMSTANCE, the highest percentage was experienced in CLASSIFICATION "good" at twice higher ...  
This was in contrast to the figure for **both poor and very poor** (I did not get the point of this sentence. Remember, your overall aim in the Writing Test is to COMMUNICATE with the examiner, not to 'impress' the examiner. Actually, their percentages dropped, not the categories) seeing a decrease, with higher proportion shown in the former.
Hello riandi! I will give you some opinions about your essay.  
  
(1) ... service between 2005 and 2010**.***Stop here and make new sentence. It will be better*  
(2) ~~and~~ it is measured in the percentage.  
(3) In this case, while **the number/ percentage/ figure/ quantity of** satisfactory and very poor experienced a ~~decreasing~~**downward** trend, the opposite ...  
(4) ... the highest percentage ~~was~~ experienced in good ...  
(5) Following this, **there was** a significant jump by ...  
(6) ~~This was~~ in contrast to the figure for ...
Hi Ryan31,  
  
- ... and 2010 and it is measured ~~in the~~ percentage ---> by  
  
Attempt to use advance vocab:  
- was satisfactory at 45% , ---> less than a half  
- while 15% ---> less than a fifth  
- A small proportion saw in excellent.---> minor, slight, narrow  
  
- figure for both of poor and very ...  
  
Keep writing.
**The purpose of business is to make money and they should concentrate only on this. Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Business is made by some people to make money for themselves and their focus only to make a profit. Personally, i totally disagree with that statement because business is the place for other people who looking for salary and the businessmen avoid to concentrate only on making money. Because business has bigger opportunity become huge companies if their focus not only on getting them rich  
  
Businessmen have to think about the productivity of their business. Throughout the employee, business will get the optimum productivity and highest profit. For instance, businessmen provide the safety tools, average temperature of the workplace and maintain break schedule to make their employee comfortable when they are working so that they can improve their work and prove the high performance. The comfortable zone that businessmen create, will provide much cost so that they have to prepare the unplanned cost for their employee. As a result, they will get profit from employees' performance indirectly  
  
In addition, a business which only thinks about profit did not think about the environment. They only concentrate on making the process low budget but high profit. However, they can get profit from their waste. For example, the factory has a lot of waste in their every department, the great businessmen will get the benefit from those waste and build the facility to reduce their waste. Maybe it will not make a huge profit but productivity will increase and the business can stand for along time.  
  
To sum up, businessmen should focus not only for money but also for employee and environment. Because the productivity of business is more important than its profit. When the productivity increases, the profit will follow.
Hello miss ifraanisa05. this is my suggestion.  
actually your essay is pretty good, but let me give you my opinions  
1. don't forget to add comma when you use conjunction [but also, so, but, etc]  
  
... only for money, but also ...  
... they are working, so that they ...  
... low budget, but high profit.  
... provide much cost, so that they ...  
  
... more than three times, so your essay ...  
"make" ---> [create/ do/ produce]  
business-->[concern/ affair/ preserve]  
good luck. keep writing
I totally disagree with that statement because business is the place for other people who looking for salary and the businessmen avoid to concentrate only on making money.Because business has bigger opportunity ...  
  
1. CONFUSING IDEA AND YOUR STATEMENT. WHAT DO YOU MEAN OF THIS ? "karena Bisnis adalah tempat ..." ????  
  
Perhaps you mean like this :  
  
**I totally disagree with that statement, because business is not just place for other people who looking for salary, but moreover it is nice place to build friendship, kindness, and also kinship between the businessman and their worker, so the CEO must avoid himself to focus only for making money.**  
  
2) BECAUSE..... BECAUSE AGAIN ---> REPETITIVE REASON AND LESS COHERENCE.  
  
You can change BECAUSE with FURTHERMORE / MOREOVER / IN ADDITION, etc. "Lebih dari itu, bisnis memiliki ..."  
  
In addition, a business which **usually** only thinks about ...  
  
3) USUALLY / OFTEN / SOMETIMES is important to add here, because if you don't add this, it means "ALL BUSINESS THAT FOCUSED ON PROFIT IS NOT AWARE WITH THEIR ENVIRONMENT". So, you cannot GENERALIZE all of the business.  
  
... making the process low **in / with** budget but high profit.  
  
They only concentrate on making the process low budget but high profit.However, they can get profit from their waste .  
  
4) INAPPROPRIATE AND LEST COHERENCE CONTRADICTION. You use "However" which mean contradict the previous sentence. But what is your meaning of that ? Compare with it :  
  
They only concentrate on making process more efficient with reducing many waste that produced from their product. However, actually they can get profit from their waste.  
  
**Overall is good writing, less grammatical error. But you seem still confused with your coherency of idea.**
Hi ifra, let me give some comments  
  
1. and ~~their~~they focus only to make a profit ...  
Because it is needed subject, so you should replace 'their' with 'they'  
  
2. ... who ~~looking~~look for salary ...  
You need a verb after conjunction,  
  
3. ... bigger opportunity to become huge companies  
There is a verb 'has' and 'become' is a verb as well. You need to give 'to'  
  
Thank you  
Break a leg
Hallo ifraa.. here my suggestion for you..  
  
1. ... the productivity of their ~~business~~ businesses (it refers to the businessmen, the subject plural so the object shoul be better in plural too).  
  
2. ... the optimum productivity and ~~highest~~ the highest profit. (Superlative always use the in front of)  
  
3. In addition, a business which only thinks ...  
I think on this paragraph there is jumping idea because there is not connect between your statement in the first sentence and your example  
  
I hope it helps good luck
Hi ifraanisa05,  
  
- Personally, i totally disagree ----> you should use capital letter for I  
  
- For instance, businessmen provide [...] and prove the high performance.---> your compound sentence too long  
  
You should use plural noun for this:  
- to make their employee comfortable when they are --->  
- prepare the unplanned cost for their employee --->  
their employees or the employee  
  
Avoid repetition one word in a sentence  
- a business which only thinks about profit did not think about the environment.  
- ... factory has a lot of waste in their every department, (...) benefit from those waste and build the facility to reduce their waste .  
  
- ... on making the process which is or that low budget ...  
  
- Maybe it will not make (...) can stand for a (space) long time.---> avoid "MAYBE" for academic writing.
**Some people say that the clothes people wear are the most important indication of what they are like. Others, however, say that people should not be judged by the clothes they wear. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.**  
  
Certain people think that appearance other people is the essential clue to know what they are like. Meanwhile, another say we cannot judge someone only from look their cover. I believe that first impression to know other people is from their clothes that they wear. However it cannot become absolute judgement about the others.  
  
People when meet other persons at first time put their feeling to indicate someone by the dress. The conclusion about their characteristic emerges automatically in our mind after seeing their clothing. For instance, my first impression when i met my boyfriend. From the clothes that he wore which looks like a bad boy. I believed that he was not good for me at that time. As a result, I have poor thinking and it made me indicating that everything was bad about him.  
  
On the other hand, people should not have conclusion about other people only from the outfits which they wear. It because this apparel not always present a real character about a person. Appearance is not absolute marking toward someone. Taking same example like before about my first feeling when I looked my boyfriend appearance. As the time goes, my boyfriend can proof that he actually not as same as his clothing style. He is a very kind boy, not bad at all. He only likes a bad boy style. This style makes other people do not bother him. That way, people cannot judge someone only from their apparel.  
  
To sum up, I believe that first impression about someone emerge from first seeing on their clothing. Yet, it cannot become a judgement to think about what they are like.