dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## number of library books read at Starmouth School

  
  
The given line graph compares two sectors in terms of the total of books read by gender at the library of Starmouth School from 2009 to the present.  
  
As is observed, there were absolutely different trend between males and females. According to the showed graph, the rate of men was initially on a slight increase in book number of about 20 each year to reach a peak at 100 in 2011. Following the period given, there was an unfortunate sharp fall to 80 in 2012 after a long growing period of three years.  
  
Witnessing a dissimilar pattern, there was a strong upward trend in the number of books read by woman from just more than 20 in 2009 to peak at 140 over a period of 4 years in 2012. Although males read more books than females from 2009 to nearly 2011, their reading fell to below the level of females in 2012.
Due to the lack of image accompanying your essay, I will be unable to review your essay for content quality and instruction adherence. You must remember that the image in the Task 1 essay should be uploaded so that a proper analysis of your data reporting can be completed by the contributor. Without the image, you will only get a general review. Uploading the image with the post is self-explanatory. You are just not looking at the text box properly so you are not seeing the link for the image upload. It is within the top most part of the text box. It says "Image". Click on that to include the file for your post. Remember this information for next time.  
  
You have not written enough words to get a proper assessment of your GRA and LR skills. You should be writing a mid-range count of 175 words up to 190 words to meet this requirement. Writing just enough to pass does not help you increase your overall scoring consideration. Write more, but do not overwrite. That can be detrimental to you GRA and LR scores, along with the C&C consideration as well.  
  
The report feels under developed and little explained. Without the image, I cannot pinpoint these areas for improvement based on omitted data. Be consistent with your written paragraphs. Always present the minimum 3 sentence requirement so that you can write above the minimum, within the target word count as advised above. The 3 sentence minimum will help you better explain the provided information since you will be able to present all the related information for the paragraph topic.  
  
The essay should refer to both genders in plural form at all times. There is no singular form to be used since the information you were provided was for the greater numerical form of the gender population. Therefore, only the plural reference to the genders can be used. To be specific, woman = women.
## Technology development and education

  
  
Do you know that there are over 3.5 billion searches on the internet per day or 300 million photos uploaded to Facebook every day? Presently, we could not reject that technologies are playing crucial roles in human society including education. That is why most schools and universities all over the world are well equipped with technology devices. Technologies have a great impact on education in terms of globalization, innovative teaching techniques, and eradicate illiteracy.  
  
The first advantage that technologies affect education is globalization. Technology education expands the boundary of study, you can enroll every course from over the world without leaving for a house. Moreover, people can access all types of information with Wi-Fi-connected devices.  
  
The second element that pushes educational capabilities is teaching techniques. Nowadays, studying becomes more active since students can find study material themselves instead of passively perceiving knowledge only from teachers. Furthermore, technologies support teachers in preparing new material for students; they can upload it online as an alternative to handwriting.  
  
The final factor is technology eradicate illiteracy from developing countries. Many places in the world can afford the cost of building schools for children, so they are using technology devices to wipe out illiteracy from the children.  
  
Even though technology beneficial education in many aspects, it is frequently harmful to human health when we overuse it. Moreover, students might distract from the study when they spend too much time on technology devices. However, we can deny the importance of technology in education.  
  
To sum up, globalization, innovative teaching techniques, and eradication illiteracy are 3 main factors that prove technologies help education to develop. Thanks to the benefits of technologies, education could cultivate further than ever.
Your discussion does not work very well. It fails to follow the prompt requirements as delivered by the original prompt:  
  
*Modern technology now allows rapid and uncontrolled access to and exchange of information. Far from being beneficial, this is a danger to our societies.To what extent do you agree or disagree?*  
  
Posing that question at the start of your paraphrase, including information that is not related to the original topic has changed the slant of the discussion. You have changed the discussion topic for the essay which will result in a failed TA score. Never pose a question in the paraphrase. Just restate the information and your response to the question provided. In this case, you failed to do that so you can expect that your essay will receive an overall failing score.  
  
Your essay does not properly address the extent essay discussion as required. It has taken on a presentation of its own, devoid of any relationship with the original prompt. The examiner will see this and score you down because of the lack of relevant discussion in your reasoning paragraphs. Additionally, you will receive a TA markdown for being under the word count. The essay will only be scored for the parts that respond to the prompt. The parts that do not adhere to the discussion will be ignored and the same number of words will be deducted from the minimum 250 word count. An equivalent percentage will be removed from your TA score, which will prevent you from achieving a passing mark. Don't bother trying to write more than 290 words. The more GRA errors you make, the more deductions will be set into place for your final score.  
  
Your discussion topics do not offer a completely developed response. There is a lack of supporting discussions and examples to validate your claims. While the discussion topics are good, the lack of proper thought development and discussion presentation has affected the overall presentation. Your C&C score will also not be of the passing mark type.  
  
The main discussion point that should have been the total focus of all the reasoning paragraphs was relegated to a single paragraph, of which you did not properly explain your stance nor offer believable back-up information to prove your claim. The total essay has become irrelevant to the original discussion topic. This essay will not get a passing score.
Since Holt has already commented extensively on your content, I'll just add a few feedback on major writing style issues:  
  
Avoid using 2nd person and even 1st person only except for when you state your opinion. Convert the rest into 3rd person instead to maintain an academic tone overall. For eg: "Presently, we could not reject that..." >> you can something like "It is undeniable that...".  
  
"you can enroll every course" >> 'people can...' or 'it is easier to enroll....' or 'access to enrollment becomes easier', etc.  
"... to human health when we overuse it." >> 'when overused' or 'when it is overused' or 'when people overuse' will work better  
  
"wipe out illiteracy from the children" >> this phrase is kinda awkward. You should stop at wipe out illiteracy or go with sthg like 'enhance literacy among students.' A few good paraphrases for 'wipe out' are eradicate, erase, minimize, reduce, and some of their synonyms.  
  
"education could cultivate further than ever" another awkward phrase. I'd say education can develop or improve rather than cultivate. You can even specify what about education is improved here, like edu system, pedagogy, etc.  
  
Finally, you should aim to have three sentences for conclusion. It's great that you specify your subpoints in both your thesis and conclusion; keep it up! And in terms of writing numbers in formal academic writing, normally for numbers from 1 to 12, you write the word out, like one, two, three, etc. From 13 and beyond people use the number, so 12 14 15 288 etc. Rational numbers, like 3.5, often stay in numerical format.  
  
Hope these help and GL!
## living with friends vs living alone

  
  
It's believed that the trend that people tend to live with their friends or live on by themselves instead of living together with their family may affect the society negatively. Personally, I think agree with this statement because of many reasons.  
  
On the one hand, I think we still can gain benefits from living with friends or alone. We have to separate from our families to learn how to live on our own, be self-reliant. In fact, if we live alone we can learn to cook, to wash things which we don't need to do when we live at parents' home.  
  
On the other hand, not living with family is negative with people who depend on their parents too much. For instance, these people are often "mother's darlings". So, when they choose to live with friends or alone, they still lack of some skills and have to rely on others. That affect the community badly. Additionally, some people have bad sides inside them so that they always want to go far away from their family to make crimes. Because parents always keep eyes on them, they can't do what they want. Moreover, if we live outside not parents' house, it means we have to buy another house, flat or department. That is a waste of money and it also contribute in the problem of lacking of accommodation in some big cities.  
  
In closing, everything has its two sides like a coin, and so living with friends or living alone. According to me, I ensure that the drawbacks of separating from family outweigh the perks.
I am afraid to review this essay for prompt responsiveness because there are 2 task 2 essay prompts that are similar in theme to the essay referred to in your work. I do not wish to hazard a guess regarding the content because if I do that, I might be wrong in the topic I choose to analyze your essay with and offer you the wrong advice in the process. I'll render a general review of your essay instead, covering the points that should be fixed in your next essay. Kindly remember to upload the prompt next time so that I can offer you a more complete review of your work.  
  
Since this is an agree or disagree statement, your essay must focus on only one point of view discussion due to clarity and coherence issues. You must focus on strengthening you actual POV within 2 reasoning paragraphs. This is done by using 2 related reasons within the 2 paragraphs. However, your essay uses the phrase "I think" in the presentation. This means you do not have a clear point of view as required by the prompt. You are asked "Do you agree or disagree?" that means, you have to pick only one side of the topic to discuss. When you see the word "OR" in the essay, that means you have the option to discuss one or the other topic. You can never choose both.  
  
The discussion slant of your essay needs to show that you have an understanding of the topic through your single opinion. The dis/agree essay is always a single point of view defense. However, when you are asked to "present both opinions and discuss your opinion" , then you can use the comparative or A/D discussion format for your response. Your discussion format is incorrect and will be scored down because of it.  
  
The main problems of your essay are:  
  
- You do not offer a solid opinion regarding the question asked  
- You use a neutral rather than opinionated discussion in relation to one point of view in response to the given statement and question  
- Your prompt paraphrase and concluding recap are 1 sentence short of the minimum sentence requirement  
  
The phrase "According to" is misused in this sentence. The phrase is used when you are referring to some information which was previously indicated by someone else. You cannot say "according to me" because you are not someone else. Your GRA score will be lowered for the wrong sentence structure. The proper way to use the phrase is : According to Joey, Mike took the ice cream because..." When you use the phrases improperly, the GRA score will be affected, the same is true for vocabulary usage. Wrong word usage loses points in the LR section.  
  
Now, there are several other problems with your essay but these are the mistakes that will definitely have an increased points deduction effect on your individual and final scoring considerations in this task.
## An island, before and after the construction of some tourist facilities

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The two maps below represent some changes that were made on the island for tourism purposes.  
It can be seen from the maps that lots of things were added, including accommodation and  
traveling service, while not expanding the area of the island.  
One of the most noticeable changes is the increase in the number of houses. Before constructing, the island didn't have any resting places. After that, there were over 10 beach-style hostels added. Restaurant and reception were also built in order to provide tourists with convenience.  
  
Traffic issues were considered, too. From such an isolated place, the island became more easy-access since being renovated. Footpath and vehicle track were added so that visitors are able to commute around it easily. Some activities like sailing or swimming were set up, which completely transformed this site into a touristy island. Besides those changes, the number of trees still remained the same, as well as their location.  
  
*
Do not offer an analysis of the island. You are only to describe the illustration, without any personal point of view or input that is not included in the original image. So refrain from saying things like:  
  
- which completely transformed this site into a touristy island.  
- Traffic issues were considered, too. ( a misstatement since no roads were added so no traffic considerations were needed)  
- From such an isolated place...  
  
Avoid using non-academic phrased such as; "lots of things". You are writing a professional descriptive report for a specific audience. Non-professional references should be avoided at all times. It removes the formality of the presentation.  
  
Basically, you took a creative writing approach to a report which should have had a more formal writing presentation. After the summary of the discussion points, the two images needed to be described separately, in 2 paragraphs,with the 4th paragraph offering the comparison (before and after) points that would have been of note such as:  
  
- No change in the measurement from the beach to the sea  
- No beach ground expansion / reclamation  
- Of the 2 sea fronts, one was developed for the resort facilities  
  
Based on the description, only sailing was added as an activity. There was no mention nor image referring to swimming so that should not be included in the report. I fit is not in the image, it should not be mentioned in your report or description due to information accuracy considerations.
## How colour influences us?

  
  
Colour is a powerful tool that is used to great effect by manufacturers and retail companies when they try to sell us something. In fact, many of the purchasing decisions we make are partly or largely influenced by colour.  
  
How true is this statement? How much does colour influence us when we buy something?  
  
Numerous assessments analyze that customers make a strong decision to purchase goods is considerably influenced by colour. Manufacturers and retail business use colour psychology as an effective way to attract a number of customers when they sell their products. As far as I am concerned that colour is a potential element of marketing when some companies try to sell their products of a highly competitive market.  
  
As a matter of fact, firms generally invest vast capitals to design a colourful advertisement so as to pay more public attention. Colour affects the customer's attention to make an unconscious decision. Furthermore, colour certainly becomes a particular symbolization for the company's product which is a primary element that people have to notice if they want to find a brand. For example, fast-food restaurants like McDonald's, KFC, Pizza Hut, and Popeye's all greatly use red in their brands because red creates a sense of urgency and encourages appetite.  
  
Excitingly, colour completely impacts on some people when they have to make a decision on buying some items because it can boost their confidence. For instance, the adolescent feels more confident when they wear bright and colourful garment than dark ones. This results in a number of young people are completely choosing products and depend on colour.  
  
In contrast, colour is not the first choice of buyers when they are deciding whether they will buy the product. Because the quality is often more assessed by the customer to make certain that the product's service life can be used for lengths of time. From my points of view; however, colour also has an exclusive ability to attract specific types of consumers and change consumer behaviour. According to research conducted in the United States, 92.6 per cent said that they considered a visual factor as the most important when buying products.  
  
In conclusion, colour plays a vital role in the overall layout of the retail store and can largely influence the customer's pivotal decision to buy or not to buy. Therefore, manufacturers and retail companies should take advantage of colour psychology so as to use the proper colour scheme for producing items as well as decorating retail stores that attract customer buying their products.
@Ly Na  
Usually it is recommended to include questions answers in the introduction. You have a statement and two questions *How true is this statement? How much does colour influence us when we buy something?*  
  
So you can write your answers in general in the introduction.  
  
Your last body paragraph has two opposite statements, better to wait for the contributor to check, but I do not think it is ok to write  
  
*... whether they will buy the product*  
and in the same paragraph give an example that contradicts this topic sentence  
*92.6 per cent said that they considered a ...*  
  
You managed to write 350+ words, it seems too many words as you will have only 40 minutes.
The examiner will be lost when he reads your essay. You did not paraphrase the original topic, nor did you respond to the 2 questions that were provided. You created a new discussion instruction instead, which will result in your essay getting a failing TA score.  
  
*OP: How true is this statement? How much does colour influence us when we buy something?  
Response: As far as I am concerned that colour is a potential element of marketing when some companies try to sell their products of a highly competitive market.*  
  
Not once did you signify that you believed the statement was true. Neither did you indicate how much the color of a products influences you when making a purchase. So you failed to provide a proper representation of the original discussion, did not respond to the given questions which were to be the outline for the discussion, and you totally changed the discussion topic. Result? A failing score  
  
Additionally, you went beyond the 2 reasoning paragraph format for this essay. This error in paragraph presentation caused you to go over the word count which, you will be able to write in a CBT setting, but will not give you time to finalize the content of your essay. Try to stay within the 4 paragraph set up going forward, no more than 5 sentences each. The discussion topics are provided in the original prompt and dictate what your reasoning discussion topics should be. In this case:  
  
Reasoning paragraph 1: Explanation that proves the statement to be true.  
Reasoning paragraph 2: Evidence that colour affects your purchase decision making process. Base this on your own buying habits and how you use colors to influence your final choice for an item to want to own.  
  
The essay asks you to prove your point by using yourself as the example for the reasons why colour influences people when it comes to buying goods. After the fast food example, the next paragraph should have supported the preceding paragraph by allowing you to use yourself as the discussion topic based on the question: *How much does colour influence us when we buy something?*  
  
By using yourself as the example of how colour affects the decision making of a person when it comes to purchasing goods, you will show a complete familiarity with the topic and also, offer a cohesive discussion of a topic that directly relates to the previous presentation.  
  
Your discussion format is off. You do not really address the required discussion topics. Your essay will struggle to get a passing score, if at all.
I'm going to take a Toeic writing test this month and will really appreciate it if someone could check and give a comment to me so I can improve my skill.  
  
***Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the statement*:  
## It is important to work at a job you enjoy than to earn a lot of money

.**  
  
Choosing between a favorite or a high-paid job is always a challenge to anybody who concerns about their career. There is a belief that having an enjoyable job is much more important than earning a lot of money. In my opinion, I agree with this idea for the following reasons.  
  
First, pursuing a job just for the financial purposes may damage your health both physically and mentally. You may put yourself in a begrudging situation when you have to work too hard in a field you dislike to have a high salary. Overworking in such an uncomfortable condition, therefore, will often lead to exhaustion and many illnesses such as diabetes or heart diseases. Additionally, you can even be stressed or depressed sometimes when you keep chasing something which is never enough like money.  
  
Second, we all know that money cannot buy happiness. Despite the fact that money is important, it should not be an exclusive concern and prioritized in one's career. We should include other factors such as working environment, co-worker relationships and especially job satisfaction, which we can find more easily in a more suitable job. After all, being rich but fail in living a happy life is meaningless and a kind of tragic.  
  
Third, you can be more productive and creative when doing a job you enjoy. It is believed that you will work more efficiently and will be more engaged in an environment that you feel comfortable. For example, an artist is more likely to come up with more unique and valued artworks when he works under passion rather than pressure. Thus, money can also come from an enjoyable job if we have motivation and try our best.  
  
In conclusion, a satisfying job will bring about more benefit to people. It is not worth in trading a fulfilling and happy career just to earn some money.