dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
S0341039 , this is a direct question essay. Therefore, you cannot close the thesis statement paragraph with a question. You need to close it with a direct response to the question. Additionally, you also need to provide a linking sentence at the end of the thesis statement in order to introduce the next paragraph topic. I noticed that your essay is weak with regards to the use of linking devices in the essay. All of your paragraphs lack an interconnection that would help the reader understand the connection or relevance of the preceding discussion with the present discussion. Since this is a direct question essay, you must make sure that all of your response interconnect in your presentation for clarity and coherence purposes. Speaking of paragraphs, you also made a few errors in your paragraph presentation.  
  
You must remember that the 5 sentence maximum per paragraph is also being implemented in this type of essay. You often write more than 5 sentences, have more than 1 idea presented for the discussion, and there is no topic sentence to clue in the reader as to what the paragraph will be about at the start of it. Remember, the linking sentence and the topic sentence need to support each other in order to provide clarity and cohesiveness in the discussion. I believe that if you can improve your linking device use, you will be able to present better direct essay discussions. Don't forget, a direct question essay still needs to follow the 5 paragraph format in order to create a better scoring potential for you in the GRA section. The more you can write a mix of simple and complex sentences within 5 paragraphs, the better your score will be. Lexically speaking, you know enough English words to get your thoughts across. Though it is not fluently written in English, you can be considered an intermediate learner at this point.  
  
By the way, the concluding paragraph you wrote needs to be more inclusive of the previous information in a summary form in order to be considered a proper closing statement. You did not really utilize the summarized information in this instance so it feels like the ending was rushed and lacking in presentation.
## a difficult life in the past?

  
  
It is true that in modern time, people can take advantage of the development of technologies for subsistence. While people argued that life in the past is more difficult, l believe that both ancient life and modern life have their own problems.  
  
On the one hand, without technology, community members' life is really hard in terms of travel and medical. Firstly, travel in the last few centuries was an arduous task because of undeveloped means of transport and narrow road systems. For example, travelers from the United States to China would have to spend several months at sea. In contrast, when people make the same journey a few years ago, it only took a few hours. Secondly, the medical treatment is circumscribed by the lack of knowledge and medicines. Consequently, a large number of patients died due to the viruses that has been easily treated by new vaccines.  
  
On the other hand, citizens in recent years have also faced many problems related to spiritual life and environment. Having a heavy workload and busy life, people are likely to suffer more stress in comparison with those in the past. Increased stress will, in turn, lead to sedentary life or even suicide. This situation has reached an alarming rate in many developed countries like Japan or India, Furthermore, my opinion is that the more waste and gas emission released from factories and vehicles, the more pollution we endure. These kinds of pollution not only have many adverse impacts on people's health, but also deteriorate the environment.  
  
In conclusion, although it can be argued that people had a difficult life in the past, I believe that every period has its own issues.
Firstly, ~~travel~~ travelling in the last ...  
  
I believe that writing part 2 essay in IELTS has a requirement of 5 paragraphs, even though you have mentioned the problems of what poeple encounter in the present, it is essential that you explain why life today is easier than in the past or vice versa. You digressed in your essay. You actually explained the hardship or disadvantages of the past and the present.
Any comments and advice are deeply appreciated. If it is possible, can you tell me the estimated band score of such writing? Thank you very much!  
  
## **The table below gives information about past and projected population figures in various countries for different years.**

  
  
The provided table reports the population growth among 4 different countries-Australia, Canada, New Zealand, and the United States- in the late twentieth century and its projection until 2050. It is obvious that from the beginning to the end, United States had the heaviest population and is predicted to be the highest still among others.  
  
During the 1990s, United States population accounted for approximately 250 million people. The rate in which the number of people increased was higher than others, around 10-20 million people, and is estimated to burst that there will be 349 million people living there by 2050. The aforementioned country's residents were followed by Canada, which was populated by almost a tenth of what it was in the United States. After 2000, the figure will grow by 8 million in the next 5 decades.  
  
Following them were Australia and New Zealand. The former was modestly populated with only 17.1 million people while the other was the least among all. New Zealand only had less than 5 million people in its country. Both countries growth were unremarkable. The prediction informs that while Australia will have Canada's initial number by 2050, New Zealand's will only rise by less than a million people.  
  
(203 words)  
  
*
## FOLLOWING TRADITIONS

  
  
**Topic: People should follow the customs and traditions when they start to live in a new country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Here is my essay:  
*Many people argue that foreigners should try to adapt to local customs and traditions when they come to reside in a new country. Personally, I completely agree with this idea.  
  
For a variety of reasons, newcomers will be likely to face numerous difficulties if they do not conform the norms of social behavior. Firstly, it will become nearly impossible for new residents to blend into native environment. For example, while in many countries the thumbs-up gesture is commonly used to signify a job well done, it becomes offensive when used in some countries such as Australia. Therefore, people should try to be aware of using such gesture in the right place in order not to make others feel frustrated or insulted. Secondly, recent immigrants might fall foul of the law if they do not respect the traditions and customs of host nation. In singapore, for instance, newcomers might commit an offence whenever they litter the street or spit gum in public places since those actions are deemed illegal here. As a consequence, those newcomers will be fined heavily and inevitably considered dirty or ill-mannered by local residents.  
  
Apart from the concerns expressed above, I also believe that adopting residents' culture and customs brings considerable benefits to newcomers. One advantage is that local residents will be more welcoming because they feel that newcomers are showing respect to their culture. This might lead to greater integration and mutual understanding, which can help bridge the culture gap between people. Another benefit is the valuable experience which new immigrants will gain from enjoying local customs and traditions, enabling them to participate in the community life. By way of illustration, by attending national holidays and festivals of host country, newcomers will have a chance to completely immerse themselves in those activities and feel as if they belong in the new country. As a result, they will enhance their mutual understanding and avoid social isolation.  
  
In conclusion, I support the notion that it is essential for new residents to adopt the traditions and customs of locals in order to achieve better integration within the local community.*  
  
I hope you guys can give me some feedback on my essay. Thanks in advance! :D
Overall, this essay is well written. You cover all the questions from the prompt given. Also, you can use some vocabulary related to the topic being discussed. Sentence structures show accuracy, as you can mix between simple and complex sentences. However, some points need to be improved. Here is some feedback:  
  
1/ Let me start with the first paragraph. In the first sentence of this paragraph, you have successfully paraphrased the prompt, but sadly the following sentence,  
  
Personally, I completely agree with this idea.  
shows an empty idea. Were I you, then I would say exactly the reason why I state my claim rather than simply stating "I agree".  
  
2/ Instead of talking about how native speakers take advantages of this issue  
  
One advantage is that local residents  
you need to focus on what visitors gain if they are following locals customs. Putting more concern on locals makes your ideas side track.  
  
3/ As the prompt is asking you to discuss  
  
People should follow  
it is always good to narrow down your subject of discussion. You can discuss how international students or permanent residents adopt local culture rather than  
  
newcomers are showing  
as the idea tends to be overgeneralized.  
  
Thanks, hope this helps :D  
  
Eddy Suaib, Kampung Inggris Pare
@anhtu96  
  
I think the contributor means that you have to specify instead of using 'people', since you are talking about the foreign people, you can use international students or nonnative or immigrants and how they will adopt to the culture.  
  
I do agree that this is a well-written essay, good job with inputting ideas and examples of how important it is to foreign people to learn the local's culture. 👍🏼  
  
I'm curious to learn though, that why is a thumbs-up sign a bad gesture in Australia?
## Test 5 Cambridge Academic IELTS 12

  
  
The bar chart compares the shares of six age groups of both sexes who did exercises frequently in 2010 in Australia. Overall, men intended to do more regular activity than women when they were in twenties.  
  
As can be seen from the bar chart, men occupied over a half, namely 52.8% of proportion of doing regular physical activity when they were in teenagers. Meanwhile, at this age, women did less physical exercises, with roughly 5% compared with the opposite sex. Over the lifetime, women intended to do exercises frequently than men, experienced a gradual increase to 53.3% when they were from 45 to 54 years old. However, at the age group from 55 years old to the end of lifetime, the proportion of doing physical activity for women witnessed a steady decline to 47.1% at the end of the period.  
  
Australian males, in contrast, they did this kind of activity generally less than women did. The proportion stood at 47.7% whey they were in teenagers, then, it plummeted remarkably to 39.5% when they were in middle-ages. However, the trend of doing physical activity for men intended to rise back when they became older, namely comprising 46.7% at the age group of 65 and over, which was similar to the percentage for women at this age group.
Kelsie, the first mistake is, when you are using the word overall in a sentence you have to give the overall perspective, not a specific one. (see your intro paragraph).  
  
I do not think to separate the comparisons between men and women in different paragraphs is a good idea. It seems like you are just describing them not comparing. What I meant is, you should have compared them in a single sentence like you compared for the teenage proportion of the sexes.  
  
The last thing I noticed is, you should have made the third paragraph from here, "Over the lifetime, women intended to do exercises frequently than men, experienced............."
Kelsie, your summary overview is incomplete. This is always presented in at least a 3 sentence format. You only have 2 sentences that does not really depict an overview of the graph information and analysis instructions. So this is going to end up costing you points deductions because your quick summary does not fully inform the reader.  
  
Aside from reviewing your summary overview, I cannot really delve deeper into a review of your analysis report because you did not include the bar graph in your upload. You have to include that in order to help us give you a more accurate review of your essay. By seeing the image we can tell what you did right, what you did wrong, and where you need to improve in your writing skills. Without it, an accurate measurement of your ability to pass the test cannot be made. Please make sure to upload the image with your next essay so that you can get the full benefit of being a member of this forum.
## the Disappearing Culture of the Family Meal

  
  
Eating with families is the important custom of many areas in the world esspecially Asia .However , this tradition is becoming to disappear in the modern life due to a lot of reasons such as job and friends.Losing this tradition can lead to unhappy families , unrespect to the ancestor and others references.This essay will shed light on this problem.  
  
First of all, job is one of the most common reasons .Nowadays, people are trying their best to improve their career by working overtime to get the higher profits or having dinner with partners to develop their relationship in order to co-operate in some contracts. Young generation is likely to spend their precious time on working in lieu of family ,they want to be rich and famous regardless of being unhappy and exhausted .Moreover, low wage and fail in some contracts that has an bad impact on them makes them discouraged and disappointed .That prevent them from coming home and they will find the other place to relax.  
  
Second, having meals with family is boring. According to the research from Cambridge University , 90% of youngsters asked tend to eat with their friends and fellows because they are more interesting .Eating meals with older generation makes youngers feel bored and uncomfortable ,they have to care about their behaviors and their talk while having dinner with friends is more comfortable and fantastic.  
  
On the other hand , family gets together to eat meals is a good tradition, it helps family's members feel happy and cozy so that it should be desevered. .Some groups of citizens realize that problem and they are trying to fix it.  
  
In conclusion, if the tradition of eating meals with family is disappeared , it will have bad effects on the world and the ancestor will be disappointed about our generation.
Tuan, this is a direct reasoning essay. It is not a comparison essay based upon the original prompt instructions. However, you chose to discuss this as a comparison essay. That means, your essay will only be partially correct in responding to the prompt. The prompt clearly indicates that there are only 2 questions to be responded to in this essay which are:  
  
1. Reasons  
2. Impacts  
  
While you did respond to the questions, you did so in such a minimal way, throwing in multiple reasons into one paragraph when the per paragraph instruction for the Task 2 essay is always one topic per paragraph. So you should have spread out the reasons into 2 paragraphs. You do not need to present many reasons, only 2 reasons that will help illustrate your response. The third paragraph should have been used for the impact discussion. So the outline should have been:  
  
1. Heavy workload  
2. Low Wages  
3. Negative impact of the 2 reasons  
  
I noticed that you did research for this paper by referring to a study from Cambridge University. Avoid doing research during your practice tests as the testing center will have their computers locked down to only LAN access. You cannot access the internet so you will not be able to do research. If you want to score higher in this, or any other task 2 essay, use personal experience instead. Does your family not eat meals together? How do you feel about that? What is its impact on your family life? Showing a personal connection tells the examiner that you have a deep understanding of the topic provided and he will score you higher on the TA section of the test because of it.  
  
Your conclusion is inaccurate. You are not really offering a proper summary of the discussion since this is just a long sentence that does not relate to the previous discussions. You need to create a proper summary of the preceding discussion with a restatement of the prompt thesis from your original paraphrase in order to properly summarize and close the discussion for this essay.
**Essay topics: The two maps below show road access to a city hospital in 2007 and in 2010.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant**  
  
## hospital's road information

  
  
The two maps illustrate considerable changes of a city hospital's road over a three year period from 2007 to 2010.  
Overall ,while the modifications brought with them the melioration of the car park, the road to access the hospital was totally expanded with the addition of the bus station. Moreover,the hospitstal road was transferred with two roundabouts  
  
Over the period , it is noticeable that the car park, used to located in the eastern area , have been divided into two parts : staff car park and public car park .The old car park was demolished to make way for the staff car park while the public car park was preferably constructed alongside ring road. Another striking change is the addition of the bus station which was built to replace the bus stops is connected to the hospital road by two roundabouts.  
  
Further down the north side , hardly have there been any signficant shifts in the city hospital as well as the traffic infrastructure.  
  
*
Tuan, several errors are present in your analytical report. There is a lack of comparison discussion for certain aspects, there is an error in your dating comparison, and you have not really reported on the main features, in a comparison format within the page. There is also a lack of proper trending statement as part of the prompt overview.  
  
For the prompt overview, I suggest taking the following approach to create a better worded and more accurate summary overview:  
  
*aps that represent changes to a hospital in the years 2007 and 2010 respectively are provided for comparison in this essay. The maps from both years indicate significant changes to the road format and parking locations in relation to the hospital facilities. Overall, marked changes were made to the physical location of the hospital by the year 2010. This essay will present these differences and offer comparison whenever possible.*  
  
Remember that the summary overview needs to indicate the following specific information:  
  
1. Image provided  
2.Topic for discussion  
3. Instructions for the discussion  
4. Trending statement  
  
Now, how you present the information in the paragraph is up to you. The outline above only indicates the information that you must represent to create a proper summary of information presentation. This helps you to create the remaining 3 paragraph discussion for the essay. As a Task 1 essay, this does not require a conclusion paragraph and is expected to be only 4 paragraphs long.  
  
For the 3 paragraph analysis, you should have divided your second paragraph presentation into 3 parts:  
  
1. Description of the 2007 set up  
2. Description of the 2010 set up  
3. Comparison discussion of the bus stop and roundabout. These were not there in 2007 but was included in the 2010 changes.  
  
Try to be more analytical in your presentation. Look for small changes that may have been overlooked in your first scan of the image. Try to outline the information before you start to draft your essay. After quickly writing your first draft, look at the image again. Compare what you wrote to the image and insert any information you missed or change information that might have been misworded.  
  
Your GRA score may be adversely affected by your English sentence problems that exist throughout the essay. More sentence development exercises are required on your part in order to improve your tense usage and sentence structure presentation. These errors create a question of clarity that could also lower the C&C score for your essay. A clear example of this problem is  
  
Another striking change is the addition of the bus station which was built to replace the bus stops is connected to the hospital road by two roundabouts.  
This sentence must have a connecting word in the middle in order to connect the bus stop to the city road and roundabouts. Here, the connecting word is "now" as in "bus stops are **now** connected..."
## broadly accessible information

  
  
Nowadays information and data are seen and shared easily and globally for the fact of innovative technology. However, there are two points of view in sharing information in scientific research, business and academic field via internet for free. Some believe that it is good to share them freely as much as possible while others do not. Following paragraphs will discuss if those data should be shared freely online or not.  
  
We can freely search almost any data of each field we need through internet including professional field including science, business and academy. It is so convenient and easy for every one to learn new things freely and people are able sharing their idea or studies online. For example, people who are doning in scientific research can search relative materials they need, and they also post their studies to share with others. Freely information could be a great resource for doing study especially for students who have no fund to do research.  
  
On the other hand, some information in such profession may be too important and valuable to share freely. Some people believe that those endeavors should be paid to get. Which means "user charge", like using some apps in smartphone or reading specific magazines. This is fair and the payment can be used as supporting authors or becoming the fund of next research. Paying for something you need is worthy and reasonable for both user and author, we should not take free things for granted.  
  
In conclusion, there are much scientific, commercial and academic information shared freely even it is significant and precious. It is a considerable issue of sharing professional data for free.
@uou3456 There is a lack of clarity in your presentation. The prompt for this essay requires 3 points of view to be represented namely the supporting point of view, contradicting point of view, and your personal point of view. Due to the lack of ownership in your statement for the first two paragraphs, by the use of the word "we", this comparison and personal opinion essay was turned into a personal point of view essay. This is where the lack of clarity in reference to the discussions presented comes in.  
  
Each paragraph must be consistent with the paragraph requirements / outline of the given prompt. That means, the topic sentence per paragraph needs to use reference terms such as:  
  
*With regards to the point of view that prefers open sharing of information...  
  
However, those that oppose this reason believe that there is a good reason to consider secrecy when it come to this information because...  
  
After careful consideration of both discussions, my opinion is that...*  
  
Always be clear in referencing whose point of view you are presenting so that you will not get a partial scoring for the essay. The partial scoring of the TA section of the essay happens when the examiner feels that, upon close reading of your presentation, you did not satisfy the full essay discussion requirements. Reading this essay from that point of view, I can tell you that the actual examiner will decide the same thing.