dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## to what extent do you think laws are needed to make people recycle more of their waste?

  
  
In these rencent years, househod waste has extremely become over-controlled. Although there still no one try to tackle it and come along with the idea to call goverment. People believe that the authority should pass on laws in recycling domestic waste. From my point of view, i fully consent with this solution.  
  
On the one hand, there are two main reasons why we shoud advocate to lagal this obligation into lives. To begin with, recycling from home can help governments with saving a large amount of money. It is undeniable that the whole garbage disposal process cost us so much time, money as well as labor to build a complete factory. This funding should br diverted towards more instant predicaments. Similarly important, launching recycling laws will pose a great impact on the way people deal with trash and also chaging their conciousness. Passing laws on home recycling can encourage more people to raise their awareness on protecting the environment instead of living with them. For instance, if people do not adhere seriously to laws, they can be penalized by fining or they can have to face up with prosecution if they reapeat that offenders.  
  
On the other hand, government should do more than just simply introducing laws. The authority might be taken advantage by putting education rather than applying punishment in the center of recycling campaign. For example, not only child should be taught about the environmal impact of household waste but also schools or even parents should it into practice by instructing them how to separate all waste into different bins. Anther tactic is government need to create stricker regulations such as imposing tariffs on companies which producing unenvironmental-friendliness packaging.  
  
To recapitulate, it is true that government should make reccucling into a legal requirement, but this is just a temporary measure, for long-term , this issue is totally depending on people's awareness.
You are being asked to represent the extent of your agreement that laws are needed to make people recycle. It is not an extent essay in relation to a dis/agreement question. Therefore, your response to the question is incorrect. The proper format for the response would have been:  
  
*I agree with the idea that laws are needed to the extent that it will help educate people about the benefits of waste recycling.*  
  
What did you accomplish with that sentence?  
1. You provided the paraphrase of the discussion  
2. You gave the extent response based on a given personal reason  
3. You properly outline the basis of your 2 reasoning paragraphs  
  
Then, you should have provided the supporting explanation regarding the need to create laws to force people to recycle. The first reasoning paragraph could have explained how you believe that people would only recycle if they are mandated by law to do so. The second reasoning paragraph, should connect the mandate with the education of the people when it comes to recycling. It should never be approached as an A/D presentation because that is not what you being asked to do within the discussion instruction.  
  
The conclusion is not a proper summary of the given topic and reasoning paragraphs. You also fell short of the 3 sentence requirement. Always deliver a reverse paraphrase in this section.
## IELTS Writing task 2 - Education

  
  
Topic: **Many university students live with their families while others live away from home because their universities are in different places. What are the advantages and disadvantages both situations?**  
  
In many countries, some high school leavers choose to live independently while pursuing further education while the others stay with their families. In my opinion, this choice has its own merits accompanied by some drawbacks which will be analyzed in this essay.  
  
To begin with, living away from home exerts several benefits to students' lives. One of the key factors leading to this choice is that it could be a lifetime experience for many undergraduates. When living alone, students might have the opportunities of learning self- discipline, taking care of themselves by doing daily household chores such as washing, cooking or cleaning without the help of their parents. Consequently, it will also bring about a golden occasion for students to develop essential living habits which is considered to be the second advantage. To finish all these tasks as well as constantly improve their academic performance at schools simultaneously, students have to equip themselves with vital soft skills, including time-management, adaptability or budgeting and money management. In addition, they would learn how to tolerate and overcome their individual problems, which will not only help harness their many skills, especially problem-solving, but also provide them with a sense of freedom.  
  
On the flip side, it is undeniable that this decision negatively affected some aspects of their lives. Without the support of their families, students have to shoulder a lot more duties and responsibilities, ranging from securing their training process to balancing their budgets. Constantly experiencing such unpleasant situations can put students under great pressure, giving rise to stress-related illnesses. In contrast, one compelling point of staying with families is that students can minimize their expenditure as rent, utility bills and renovations are no longer concerns. As a result, students can set aside financial worries and focus solely on their studies.  
  
In conclusion, despite some beneficial impacts of moving away from home to attend university, it is advisable that each student consider thoroughly before giving his decision.
When you write a comparative essay that asks "what are the advantages and disadvantages", you must avoid giving an opinion in the concluding paragraph. The personal opinion is not required in this discussion as you are not being asked to provide a personal opinion, only a comparison of points of view. So you must simply repeat the topic, reasoning topics, and provide a closing sentence at the end of the concluding summary.  
  
Your opening paraphrase is a run on sentence. Always remember, for clarity and sentence number requirements, it is always better to use only one reference point per sentence. That means, you use one sentence for high school graduates (not leavers) who live in dormitories or apartments, and one for those who live with their families. Then you present the discussion instruction after those.  
  
Don't get used to using word fillers like "To begin with" and "On the flip side". These add to the word count, but do not move the essay forward. Those are also often used memorized phrases used by the IELTS reviewers in the classroom. You will score better once you get used to indicating clear topic sentences as the paragraph openers instead.  
  
Avoid using words of uncertainty in your presentation. These do not help add to the clarity of your presentation. You must use definite sentence presentations. You need to show that you clearly understand and believe in the explanation you are giving. Your first 2 sentences in the first reasoning paragraphs are throwaways. The paragraph would have been better and clearer without those sentences.  
  
Please learn how to focus on the explanation of the topic in the reasoning sentence. You are not being scored on the number of reasons you give in every paragraph. Rather, you are scored on how well you explain 1 or 2 related topics in the paragraph. In both paragraphs, the content becomes confusing to read due to the lack of explanation development in the presentation.  
  
For a better presentation, you can use 2 related advantages in one paragraph, then 2 related disadvantages, that relate to the previous advantage discussion topics. That way, you focus on one presentation clearly per paragraph. One advantage paragraph, one disadvantage paragraph. That way you limit the possibility of creating a confusing paragraph presentation.
TOPIC:  
## Advertisements are becoming more and more common in everyday life.

  
***Is it a positive or negative development?***  
  
Nowadays, advertisements are an increasingly popular trend for people's daily life. While I accept that the development of advertisement offers many benefits for society, consumers and businesses, its drawbacks cannot be overlooked.  
  
On the one hand, there are several positive effects on the enhancement of advertisements. Firstly, due to advertisements are an integral part of commercial fields, this sector is likely to generate a diversity of employment opportunities. In other words, it provides occupations for artists, copywriters and other marketing-related vacancies as well as makes a significant contribution to the improvement of unemployment rate in society. Secondly, advertisements are a great tool for manufactures to disseminate information about their products or services to as many customers as possible, followed by an increase in sales for businesses. Besides, thanks to advertisements, customers can be well-informed about newly-launched products. For that reason, they can not only purchase innovative goods but also catch up with the lasted trends in the world.  
  
On the other hand, advertising brings some negative influences for both consumers and businesses. To begin with, there are some companies willing to use advertisements to exaggerate or even distort the facts of their goods due to commercial purposes. As a result, consumers can experience the feeling of confusion about those items, affecting their belief in enterprises. Subsequently, when customers cannot resist the temptation of products that are advertised beyond their expectation, they, in likelihood, buy unnecessary items. Consequently, they could be easily addicted to shopping, which would seriously impact their budget. For example, beauty brands launch frequently their new products through advertising campaigns in order to attract and encourage women to buy those products which are considered as need on their daily basis to look beautiful even these items are so costly.  
  
In conclusion, advertisements are becoming more and more common in everyday life. Although advertising activities bring some merits for society, enterprises and consumers, the demerits of them also should be considered.
Hello, I think that your writing is quite clear to understand & your ideas are good, but there are still some grammatical errors needed to be corrected.  
  
first line: advertisements => advertising ( i think that " advertising" is more appropriate for the word "trend" in your sentence )  
Second line: offer... for => offer.. to  
i also think that you have matter with your topic sentence of the first paragraph. The S should be "the enhancement of..."
I am not really sure that you can complete the review, revise, and finalize portion of the essay writing task within 40 minutes. Writing 322 words means you have not taken your potential to create several mistakes in your writing into consideration. You should always allot at least 6 minutes for the final correction and perfection process of your writing. In this case, you did not anymore check the errors. You left several grammar and clarity problems in your essay. A simple editing process before you decided that this was the final version you wanted to submit would have been very helpful in you spotting the errors and correcting them.  
  
Okay, now going back to the actual writing. Your prompt paraphrase needs another sentence to meet the minimum sentence requirement for the paragraph. Your second sentence should have been divided into 2 parts and then, another 2 sentences could have been added to include the outline of your discussion topics. By the way, a positive or negative development is different from advantages or drawbacks. You have to use the correct indicator in your presentations. In this case, use the actual keywords from the original presentation. So it is a negative development.  
  
Once you have chosen your point of view, the discussion paragraphs need to focus on presenting 2 types of information that will reiterate your idea that this is a negative development. Do not compare the two points of view as you are asked to do that in the discussion instructions. Focus on the singular discussion alone. Otherwise your essay will only be scored on a partially scored, based on the section that supports your point of view. Your essay will also tend to fall under the word count because the comparative portion will be disregarded in the word count. Hence word point deductions will be applied. Avoid offering a tangential response to not have these deductions applied to your essay.  
  
Technically, you really altered the discussion process of the essay. That makes me think that the reviewer may decide that your discussion is totally unrelated to the task, causing you to fail the essay test immediately. Look at these differences from the original implications:  
  
Original: Is it a positive or negative development?  
Response: While I accept that the development of advertisement offers many benefits for society, consumers and businesses, its drawbacks cannot be overlooked.  
Conclusion: Although advertising activities bring some merits for society, enterprises and consumers, the demerits of them also should be considered.  
  
Do you see the problem? It is a positive or negative development question. You are talking about merits, demerits, and drawbacks.
**Topic** : ## Prison is the best punishment for criminals. Discuss.

  
Crimes has always been a remarkable problems occurring in almost countries for ages. Therefore many punishments has been invented in order to struggle with it, but it is believed that imprisonment is the best deterrence for criminals. In my opinion, I slightly oppose that because I think not all criminals need going to jail and I'll draw some evidence for my thought.  
  
From what I have learnt, people have been fighting for their freedom for many years. So the primary reason is when cops imprison them mean they are taking liberty from them, to me this is a very heavy punishment to a living human. Hence, this kind of deterrence should only be applied on those who are actually deserve it such as: gangsters, robbers...With those who just commit a petty offence only need to be deterred slightly. For example, a man behave badly in public place like fighting or talking egregiously about a sensitive topic doesn't need going to jails but can be fined or executed a curfew order in his house for a few days.  
  
Secondly, if government applies imprisonment on a villains who have committed a serious case, it won't be fair for the victims and may cause fear in the residences when the villains get out of jail. In particularly, a serial killer be sentenced and move to prison will obviously lead to protests or rebellions, unless those have to pay equitably rather than be locked away.  
  
However, few of them just get in to criminal way because they have to do it for a living. Therefore if there is a chance, we should give to them, being a few years in prison would change them substantially and as a consequence, they become a better person.  
  
In conclusion, prison is a good and efficient deterrence but it's not the only one. Henceforth before sentencing a specific criminal we should consider if it is petty or inferior to give out the appropriate punishment.
Please provide the prompt for the essay next time so that a clearer review of your essay can be done from a professional standpoint. Right now, I am not really sure what the discussion topic for your essay is because there are several criminal topics that can be discussed based on a similar central subject. The main difficulty with the extent essay is how to explain the degree of your agreement or disagreement with the given prompt. Students tend to always say "I slightly" or "I partially", thinking that if they take a completely supportive side in the essay, they will be given a lesser score. There are no right or wrong answers in the Task 2 essay. There is only a lower score for not having a clear point of view in the essay. Each time the student chooses the "I partly" or "I slightly" position in the essay, that indicates an indecision in your thought presentation and opinion.  
  
The clarity of your thought, the coherence of your reasoning paragraphs, and the cohesiveness of your reasoning presentation can only come from the clarity of a thought process that focuses on a single opinion. The equivalent of "I slightly" or "I partially" in real world responses would be "I both agree and disagree". Which is not one of the choices given in the question instruction. That is why it is more important to show a clear singular point of view rather than a comparative point of view. The extent essay is not a comparative essay. It allows you show a degree of support only within one point of view.  
  
For example. You could say, "It is said that... I have to oppose it because...It is important to understand that though there is a belief that... the truth of the matter is..." The strength of your opinion should be in how it disproves the opposite point of view. By presenting a topic sentence that opposes your point of view, you not only present a clearer explanation of the side that you support, but you are also able to strengthen the extent of your dis/agreement with the given public opinion.  
  
Do not use special characters such as ellipses in your academic writing. Those are more useful in creative writing instances where it can indicate a suggested thought process. An academic paper, or opinion paper should always use proper and formal punctuation marks.
## THE BIRTH RATES OF CHINA AND THE USA

  
  
The line chart exhibits the comparison in the Chinese birth rate with the USA one and how it altered over an 80-year period.  
From an overall perspective, there was a decline in the birth rate of both countries from 1920 to 2000. Despite the similarity in terms of decreasing trend, the American birth rate still remained higher than the Chinese one in most years.  
  
In the 1920-1950 period, the birth rate of the US wildly fluctuated. There was a sharp fall in the 1940s, from above 10% in 1940 to below 5% 5 years later. However, in 1950, the American birth rate reached the highest point with exactly 15% over 80 years. From 1950 to 2000, the birth rate in the US constantly dropped, which fell to nearly 7% by the year 2000.  
  
Over the same period, the Chinese birth rate had a more varied fluctuation than the American one. From 1940 to 1945, it maintained its level at 5% before it reached the highest point of the whole line graph with 20% in 1950. Nevertheless, it rapidly fell to below 10% just 5 years later and then plummeted nonstop until 2000 with approximately 2%.  
  
*
There should have been a comparison paragraph in this essay. There are overlapping points that you failed to mention. If you look at the line graph closely, you should see that there are in-between years when the numbers for the two countries are equal. Those should have been reported in the data. Of specific importance are the years 1945 and 1955. While there are individual data to report, there are comparative points to indicate as well. Since the instruction for this essay always includes: "Make comparisons where relevant", then you should really be on the lookout for these overlapping points. It shows that you did not just glance at the data, but that you actually took at least 5 minutes to study the image and take note of important information to report.
Q:***Many people think modern communication technology is having some negative effects on social relationships.***  
## Do you agree or disagree?

  
  
Recent advances in technology have revolutionized public association in various ways around the world. Consequently, it is highly contentious that modern communication technology poses a dire threat to the relationships amongst people. From my perspective, though I lean towards the aforementioned statement, we also should not disregard its potential benefits accompanied by its drawbacks.  
  
On the one hand, virtual communication has its own merits. The first advantage is that it allows great flexibility, which removes all geographical and time barriers. It means that people in different locations and time zones can instantly connect with each other via the Internet, so that it builds up and augment existing social ties. To illustrate, in the past, people had to make long trips just to meet other partners from other companies; however, with online meetings, they can join the conference from any place without the need to travel, which not only facilitates collaboration but also helps them to save time and money. Secondly, innovations in communication allows greater chance for new relationships as well as expanding our social circles. Music fandoms, which are the special community established by numerous people from different backgrounds all over the world, well exemplify this. By sharing the same interest and admiration to their idols, they become friends and may find out other mutually common things.  
  
On the flip side, modern communication has detrimental impacts on social relationships. Discouraging direct communication is the first negative consequence. A vast majority of individuals are frequently online to check notifications from various applications that they use for communication, and they spent longer time on their gadgets than socializing in person with their peers, workmates, and families. Consequently, their relationship with the society and people are being ruined because of their isolation with the environment. In addition, it is believed that advanced technology in the field of communication can wreck the nature of friendship. Often virtual friends are not reliable and there is little likelihood of maintaining a long relationship with these people. There are many people who were swindled out of hundreds of dollar by their online friends because these swindlers made friends with them in order to merely take advantage of them.  
  
In conclusion, though the modern technology is convenient, I strongly believe that people should control their use of technology due to a variety of its negative effects, and never forget the essentials of personal interaction.
Hi, I see that you spent much time for the essay that reached to nearly 400 words  
However, in my opinion, it is too long for writing essay task 2 that often requires you to write 250 words, may be you can use nearly 300. I don't think you can have enough time in real exam.  
  
In terms of content, I understand it very clearly and the words you used are advanced.  
Hope that you can receive a more specific comment form Holt.
Your are not discussing the prompt as per the discussion requirement. So this unreasonably long discussion you wrote is useless. You will get a failing score because you did not understand the discussion instruction.  
  
Discussion Question: Do you agree or disagree?  
Your Response: ...though I lean towards the aforementioned statement, we also should not disregard its potential benefits accompanied by its drawbacks.  
  
As this is clearly an agree or disagree essay, what made you think that the discussion was to be based on a benefit or drawback discussion? Those are two different prompt discussion instructions that you can never end up interchanging. One is for a comparative discussion and one, is for a single opinion essay. I am sorry but all the work that you did in this essay was not worth the effort you put into it. Once you change the discussion instruction, your response becomes unrelated to the task. That means, you will not pass the test.