dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Internet is doing more harm than good

  
  
In recent years, with the technological advancement, it is undeniable that internet play an important role in daily life. While some people think that Internet is detrimental, others believe that it is indispensable part in our lives. While i accept that Internet has negative side, I strongly believe that the Internet' role are more crucial.  
  
On the one hand, there are several reasons for people do not support using Internet. First of all, Internet has downsides for children. In fact, teenagers are easily involved in social networking platforms in Internet. They spend lots of time sitting in front of the screen to play game or surf web. This prevent them from taking part in outdoor activities. As a result, this will cause health problems such as obesity. Secondly, using Internet overly can make people become more and more passive. With a great deal of information in Internet, everybody can approach and use them for study or work which help people complete their task easily, therefore this make people more lazy. What can be inferred from this is that it would be dangerous to people who dependent on Internet too much.  
  
However, I would argue that these drawbacks are outweighed by the benefits. The first benefit of Internet would be that it plays an important role in improving the effectiveness of student learning. In fact that in recent years, more and more students use Internet as a source of information which is useful for their schooling, as a result, learners can enrich their horizon and have different view in every field of life by taking part in online learning courses or listening many lectures in online platforms and so forth . In addition, Internet is also effective tool for relaxing. Through a great deal of online programs involving music, sport, game; users can be able to approach different entertainment methods which bring out relaxation after hard-working day.  
  
In conclusion, it seems to me that the benefits of Internet are more significant than the drawbacks.
I see 3 points in your essay:  
  
1 - spelling error: "While i accept". "Internet' role"  
2 - grammar error: "platforms ~~in~~ on the Internet."; "task easily, therefore, this make" = " or "... . Therefore,...; "Internet has negative sides"; "their schooling~~,~~ as a result,.."  
  
3 - you should learn more vocabulary, so your essay do not mention some words few times. You can use this "thesaurus dictionary" . For example: Take part in = Participate in = become a part of....  
  
You should also mention the question for this essay, then everybody can understand clearly to show your detail mistake
I cannot offer you a comprehensive review of your essay without the complete prompt requirements. You forgot to include it with your post. It is crucial that you always include that because the suggestions for improvement in your writing approach will be based on those instructions. I'll just give you a general review for now. By the way, even if you wrote this essay by computer, you should not be writing 333 words. That means you created several errors that you will not spot because you spent your time writing, without giving consideration to reviewing and editing presentation errors in your essay.  
  
The pronoun I is always capitalized in these types of presentations. It is never written in lowercase, regardless of the method of writing (pencil or keyboard). Work on your comparative forms. "More lazy" is incorrect. "Lazier" is the correct comparative form (Lazy, lazier, laziest). By the way, when you use an apostrophe at the end of the word, it should have an S accompanying to indicate ownership. In this case, internet does not require an apostrophe at the end of it.  
  
Limit your paragraph to one topic sentence per presentation. All of your paragraphs are under discussed. That means, your reasons are good, but the supporting evidence and discussion is not. That is normally solved by discussing and fully supporting only one topic sentence per paragraph. You don't need to overload the essay with information. That isn't the benchmark for a high score. The true benchmark is the clarity and quality of your presentation. Which, in this essay, is severely lacking.
## Problem and solution essay

  
  
Today, the growth of juvenile delinquency has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although this problem can be attributed to a whole host of reasons, some feasible solutions can be taken to tackle that.  
  
There are some common risk factors why juvenile delinquency is increasing. First, since the spread of television or entertainment programs makes it possible for individuals in the world to watch televisions, heavy exposure to televised violence becomes one of the causes of aggressive behavior, crime and violence in society. In fact, adolescent's psychology is not strong enough to recognize right and wrong, which makes television violence easily affects youngsters of all ages, of both genders, at all economic levels, and all levels of intelligence. Second, by growing in family violence, adolescents are more likely to engage in unlawful activities. This means that improper parental care has been linked to delinquency such as mothers who drink alcohol or take drugs during pregnancy cause their babies to grow up with learning disorders, which leads them to be juvenile criminals.  
  
There are also some solutions to reverse this situation. First, in order to reduce the excessive exposure to questionable contents, the governments should just allow contents that are carefully censored before being posted. This means that juveniles will be able to keep away violence information and images as much as possible, which tackles this situation better. Second, if parents want their children get the right behavior to the society, they should have a positive attitude towards life and towards society. In fact, adolescents are educated about the consequences of breaking laws by their parents early, are more likely to respect laws of society, which behave more positively when face to violent cases or negative situations.  
  
In conclusion, although this problem can be caused to a whole host of factors, some feasible solutions can be taken to reverse that. By considering all the pros and cons, the governments could make the situation better.
There are actually 2 task 2 essay prompts related to the topic you have discussed in this essay. So I cannot be sure as to how to approach your presentation based on content requirements. Instead, I'll give you a general review that should cover both possible prompts. That way you will know how to correct your mistake, regardless of the actual discussion topic.  
  
The prompt paraphrase needs to represent the topic, reason for the discussion, and a short form of your reasons and solutions. That is because there are a few direct questions being asked in the original prompt which require direct responses to help with the discussion outline in the body of paragraphs. Without the direct references, your essay will not score as well as it should in the TA section.  
  
You are actually wasting word space by using introductory sentences in the reasoning paragraphs rather than topic sentences. It makes for unduly long paragraphs and does not work towards advancing your essay in a manner that would increase the scoring potential of the paragraph. Stop using ordinal presentations. That does not add to the cohesiveness of the essay. The examiner doesn't need to know that you know how to count, he needs to know that you can discuss the reasons in a connected manner (cohesiveness) The counts don't help you achieve that. You are not expected nor required to discuss in a numerical form. However, you are expected to present the reason for the discussion within the first sentence of the paragraph so that the examiner knows what the paragraph will be about. It will be better to use transition sentences instead of numerical references in the paragraphs. The transition sentence can help advance the content and also, increase the overall score due to its overall scoring applicability.  
  
Your conclusion does not work well. There is no clear reverse paraphrase being presented. There is no summary of the reasons, nor do you properly list the suggested solutions. Your concluding paragraph is too short. It doesn't work for the purpose it was intended.
## the domination of some main languages

  
  
There are roughly 6,500 spoken languages in this world today, according to statistics 23 languages account for more than half the global is popular. While the use of other languages is decreasing. I agree with the former which is positive outweigh the negative development  
  
On the one hand, the fact that multiple countries share some common languages has some substantial benefits. First and foremost, can communication between people from different countries. For instance, business persons knowing the English language are statistically more prosperous in their business because the can understand what the partner is saying. The secondly, this is a big opportunity interesting things in a foreign land, have the opportunity to study the world is leading education like the United Kingdom or the United States, This is the reason why the ability to speak English or other languages that have global functionality is a necessary skill in the modern world.  
  
On the other hand, use a less popular languages has several drawbacks. First of all, we do not deny that preserving the national language is necessary, the building is impossible to keep up with progress, as many countries with strong economics thanks to popular languages such as Singapore, Viet Nam, Korea. However, employers are willing to pay up to 30 percent higher for English speaking candidates for someone who does not speak a mother tongue, the starting point for income is also lower  
  
In conclusion, although the domination of some languages has had the advantages, the importance of other languages should not be neglected. I believe that know the common languages can raise the value of nations cultures and their prosperity in education
@GiangDao  
  
First of all, you did not include the full question of your essay so I do not know if you had fulfilled the requirements or not. However, base on the information you provided, I have some comments as follow:  
  
- You opened your essay with statistics. Please be reminded that you will not have access to the internet during the test so using these statistics is risky. Your introduction also have many grammatical mistakes "while the use of other language is decreasing" is not a completed sentence. Your third sentence does not connect to any of the previously mentioned ideas.  
  
- Similarly, in your second paragraph, you used many run-on sentences. E.g. "can communication between people from different countries.". The sentence "... this is a big opportunity interesting things in a ..." is very hard to understand. What "this" refer to? what is the "interesting thing'? what is the subject of "have"? You also ended the sentence with a comma. Be very careful with punctuation.  
  
- In your third sentence. Your ideas do not link to the topic sentence. You mentioned drawbacks then you said "preserving the national language is necessary" which is another way around. This will make you lose marks. Try to focus on only one main point in your paragraph  
  
I hope that you will improve your writing.
## businesses moving to rural areas

  
  
It is cities, especially metropolis, ascribe the acute housing and land shortage and the worsening traffic conditions to the development of businesses. In my opinion,the government takes the action of transforming some enterprises to rural areas can bring more benefits, compared to any disadvantages it might bring.  
  
The obvious argument is that moving the businesses from cities ,which permit high density land use,can provide more space to create well-being living conditions, and many people commute to rural areas, which efficiently alleviate the traffic congestion in rush hours. The companies tend to introduce the sophisticated technologies and afford fancy machines. With a view to stimulating employment and economic growth as the rural areas are poor and more young people work in cities, machines are necessary to substitute for those who have left the workforce to enable ageing workers to continue to do physical labour, which promote output rising.  
  
There are , however, some disadvantages. The drain of professionals because of moving companies may well lead to loss of their benefit as well as decline the core competence. Some technical talents get used to their routine in city. It is obvious that there are more flourishing commercial districts, including offices, theaters and restaurants of cities than that of rural areas,while as far as I am concerned that the government can allocate the budget to infrastructure construction there. Providing more welfare is available for the staff.  
  
In conclusion, it seems to me the businesses moving to rural areas are positive development.<b></b>
You should not be offering a personal opinion in an essay that only requires you to discuss the topic in an A/D form. The essay never, not in any prompt section, did it ask you to present an explanation of your personal opinion. This is not an opinion essay, just an A/D essay. So your approach is all wrong. You should not have included this section in the paraphrase section:  
  
In my opinion...  
  
That created a prompt deviation, which made your discussion approach incorrect. The correct format:  
  
- Paraphrase  
- Disadvantage  
- Advantage  
- Reasoning summary  
  
No personal opinion should be indicated anywhere since it was never specified for mention in the original discussion. Make sure you have at least 3 sentences in the reasoning summary. One sentence does not represent a full recap of the topic and discussion elements. You will lose points for inappropriate paragraph presentations.
## Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like

  
  
My essay :  
  
Opinions differ on whether students are afforded the right to learn what they really want or universities need to encourage them study subjects that have high practical application in the work later. Personally, I think both views are plausible as each has its own merits.  
  
It is certainly true that allow students to choose comfortably their majors would rather than force them. In other words, universities should create advantageous conditions to promote their passions because they also benefit from that. Besides, creative thinking skills are estimated as a crucial ingredient in work, therefore, who had accomplished courses with subjects they like often have more opportunities to get a good job by breakthrough thinking. Last but not least, whether they are the upper or the lower class in society, in addition to supplement about material, spirit is indispensable in demand of humans, subjects are related to art such as music, drawing or action also need to be encouraged.  
  
However, there are other reasons to explain why students should concern to subjects involved to science or technology. Firstly, students easily access hot fields in the future depend on extensive knowledge which is covered by universities. Secondly, their quality of life is markedly improved through a high salary because jobs about studying science and technology are necessary in the 4.0 era. Finally, the government ascertains what sources of labor are vital to stimulate development country, therefore, through the universities to guide students to choose subjects useful in the future also a good way to solve knowledge and skill gaps on their doorstep.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that in addition to forcing students to learn primary subjects, there are clearly further benefits when allowing them to comfortable choose what they like.  
  
( 284 words )  
  
*
The prompt is asking you to discuss this from 2 public points of view and then from a personal point of view. You are not following the prompt format for the discussion so you will lose points for that. You turned the compare and contrast essay into a solely personal comparison essay, which is not what the instructions provides for the discussion.  
  
This particular sentence is confusing. It does not make sense:  
  
*It is certainly true that allow students to choose comfortably their majors would rather than force them.*  
  
What happens when a student is forced to choose a course? What is the outcome when they study a course they like? The sentence needs a subject. It is confusing at the moment and I cannot even hazard to guess what you are trying to say. This will definitely pull down 2 scoring sections for you, the GRA and C&C sections.  
  
Truth be told, the essay will fail due to a total lack of coherence in the presentation. Coherence is defined as an overall sense of understandability. The ideas you present have to fit together in the written context, so that the reader can understand what you are trying to say. The cohesiveness of the essay will also come from the coherence of the presentation and how it connects each sentence and paragraph to create a full and complete discussion. That does not exist in this essay so there is no way you will achieve even close to a passing score with this presentation. The C&C section will automatically fail the overall score.
## Cheap Air Flight Essay

  
  
Some people think the cheap air flight gives ordinary people more freedom. However, others think the cheap air flight should be banned because it polluted the air and brings many other problems. Discuss both view and give your opinions.  
  
In this era of technological advancements, air travel has become more prevalent by virtue of providing flexible options of price to passengers. While cheap air flight is thought to supply regular people with more opportunities to travel, others oppose this kind of transport because of its running the risks of contaminating the air and other troubles. From my point of view, this issue has its own pros and cons as discussed in the essay below.  
  
On the one hand, it is undeniable that cheap airline has extraordinarily assisted the tourists to fly far more liberally and expeditiously. Air travelling had been considered as a luxury service for decades, however, it is now no longer a chimera to ordinary people. In addition, the greater number of flights and passengers enables intercultural exchanges between the foreigners themselves or between the foreigners and the natives. Therefore, visitors have the chances to gain more knowledge about different cultures or countries which used to be unfamiliar. Moreover, low-priced air flight also contributes to promoting the economy. In detail, the airlines can earn interest from providing flight services and the tourism industry of the host countries would also expand as the tourists move abroad.  
  
On the other hand, opponents of this issue argue that economical air travel should be prohibited by dint of deteriorating air quality and causing other problems. The number of airplanes departing and landing uncontrollably increases can lead to the escalation in the usage of natural resources and the amount of carbon dioxide emitted into the atmosphere, contributing to global warming, climate change and worsening the environmental condition. Furthermore, cheap air travel also causes an indirect consequence of aggravating human respiratory system and diseases.  
  
In conclusion, it seems to me that it is a necessity to give people the freedom to travel, however, some crucial solutions should be made as well in order to avoid the adverse effects.
Two problems with this essay:  
  
- cut and paste of the phrase "cheap air flight"  
- Changing of the discussion instruction  
  
Once a word or phrase is used in the original prompt, the student is advised to avoid using the same phrase in the restatement to help boost his LR and GRA score. The LR score is based on your knowledge of the English language and the GRA score is based on your ability to explain the prompt in your own words or understanding. So, rather than saying cheap flights, you could have said affordable overseas travel or airplane tourism, or any variation thereof.  
  
The original discussion instruction is:  
  
OI: Discuss both view and give your opinions.  
YI: From my point of view, this issue has its own pros and cons as discussed in the essay below.  
  
You were being asked to discuss the following public opinions (points of view)  
- cheap air flight gives ordinary people more freedom  
- cheap air flight should be banned because it polluted the air and brings many other problems.  
  
A compare and contrast essay was required for that part of the presentation, before your personal opinion. In your format, you made it a personal opinion discussion based only on pros and cons. That means you failed to follow the required discussion format. That error will cost you and prevent you from achieving a passing score with your essay.
## Rewarding staff members for their commitment

  
  
Topic: Some employers reward members of staff for their exceptional contribution to the company by giving them extra money. This practice can act as an incentive for some but may also have a negative impact on others  
  
To what extent is this style of management effective?  
Are there better ways of encouraging employees to work hard?  
My task:  
It has been the norm that extra money is given to employees as a reward for their great dedication to the company. This practice can give some staffs an impetus to work more efficiently but may also have an adverse influence on others. Ingrained in this essay is the idea that this approach of management can be effective to a certain extent, in conjunction with several methods of incentivising employees to work hard.  
  
being received an accolade for their hard work, especially money is truly a considerable encouragement for the staffs. It is because in the contemporary world, money plays a pivotal role in people's lives. In present day, almost everything can be bought by money. Therefore, some extra money added to the salary is such a big incentive for employees. However, this phenomenon may lead to a hostile environment in the workplace. Those who do not receive any extra money for their work easily have a grudge against others. As a result, the relationship between staffs begins to fade, which results in poor coordination between employees.  
  
In truth, another possible way of encouraging employees to work hard is to allow them to go home earlier than other staff members. It is the reward that has no interwoven connection with finance, hence less ramifications. Besides, allowing employees a longer holiday than usual is also a good method of motivating staffs. It is a more practical action than extra money since all people want to enjoy their holiday as much as possible. It is common knowledge that when we go on a trip, we tend not to return home. Therefore, allowing them a longer holiday not only makes them enjoy themselves more but renders them energetic when returning to work.  
  
In conclusion, giving extra money for members of staff for their diligence can render them show more eternal devotion to work, whereas having a negative effect on others. Due to this fact, managers should take these aforementioned alternatives into account.