dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Your essay response format is incorrect. The prompt paraphrase and response to the direct questions have altered the response and discussion topics for the essay. Compare the following:  
  
*Original Topic: It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age.  
Your Topic: Early education is the key to develop the future characteristics of children that help them decide what shall they do or not.*  
  
You are including information not found in the original prompt. This statement, which is a personal opinion unsupported by original data, altered the discussion topic to a slight extent.  
  
*Discussion Question 1: To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?  
Response 1: From my perspective, I will discuss rationales behind this viewpoint before showing why I disapprove this claim.*  
  
Where is the thesis statement giving the extent of your response to the question? You have changed the discussion target for the first question at this point.  
  
*Discussion question 2: What sort of punishment should parent and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?  
Response 2: I will provide the efficiency punishment methods to educate the young for both parents and teachers.*  
You have not provided a direct response to the question that will help support your opinion. Your overall paraphrasing does not follow the correct format based on the original prompt requirements. Therefore, the TA score will not be helpful in terms of you getting a passing score with this presentation.  
  
**\*Limited free review application due to specific review requirements requiring private consultation.**
*Can anyone comment and give me feedback on my ielts essay? thank youu  
  
Question:  
  
## Pollution of rivers, lakes, and seas is a major concern for people who seek to protect the environment.

  
  
**What are the possible causes of water pollution, and what effects does this have on animal life and human society?  
  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.***  
  
Nowadays, the existence of groups of people who have concerned with environmental issues is getting higher. They started to make several movements to prevent or even eliminate the effects. One of the main problems that created a devastating impact on the public is the pollution of water such as lakes, seas, and rivers. This essay will cover the source of water pollution as well as the effects they have on all human beings and creatures.  
  
Since the world developed rapidly, especially in this advanced technology era, it is almost impossible if an industrial area does not produce some amount of waste as well as their ready-to-sell items. For example an international fashion industry like ZARA. Not only they generated fast fashion, but also a huge amount of waste that are not easily recycled. Not to mention the absence of natural resources as their materials. If it combined with other industrial activity, the amount of waste would be preposterous. In addition, the rubbish that appears from the housing area is also immense. It is stated in one research that they may produce tons per day. Those dissipation generated from the industrial area and the housing area will be ended as ashes or they will throw them on the water.  
  
Definitely, this will create some adverse impact not only on human beings but also on animals and society. The first major effect is the change in the water ecosystem. Some species could not survive due to chemical waste in the water. It will be followed by the broken in the food chain that may lead them to be a rare creature. The second consequence is the scarcity of clean water. People may suffer from disease if they consume polluted water. The last issue that may come from water pollution is a disaster like a flood. When the heavy rain pours and the river is polluted, it is more likely to create a flood due to the bunged-up of the water flow.  
  
All in all, the advance in the industrial era may create a large amount of waste and the impact on water is truly devastating if no one concerned about the issue. The impact will not only be concerning us as human beings but also animals and society.
Did you time yourself when you wrote this essay? Assuming that you wrote 376 words before the 40 minutes where up, did you bother to check your essay for thought clarity, prompt adherence, and appropriate relevant examples from your own experience and knowledge, rather than research? I ask you this because these are the obvious problems in your presentation.  
  
In the first paragraph, the second send sentence is lacking a subject reference. There is a reference to a reaction, but a lack of proper sentence development to include the target topic of the sentence. Then, there is also the lack of proper direct response to the 2 questions asked. It is always easier to simply restate the discussion instructions. However, that restatement fails to create the thesis statement for your paper, which is a required skill for a student seeking to study abroad. All personal opinion papers must come with a thesis statement in order to help direct the clarity of your opinion, and provide the discussion points for the body of the essay.  
  
Your information refers to research, which means this is not based on commonly known information or your personal experience. Such research reference means you do not adhere to the prompt instruction that indicates:  
  
include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  
So you will have altered the prompt discussion in that aspect. Additionally, the paragraphs lack a thorough discussion development based on the topics provided. You are under developing your discussions as you are more focused on providing reasons rather than explanations. The explanation is more important than the number of reasons since the original instruction indicates:  
  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples  
Reasons are supporting statements for a topic. You will always do better explaining a single topic fully, rather than relying on a long essay that only enumerates reasons, while failing to address the clarity of your opinion and strength of the discussion. Writing long sentences does nothing for your score when you have clear mistakes in writing that you failed to correct.
Hi, this is the first time I use this site. Can you help me to find my mistakes in this writing please. That will be very kind of you. Thank you so muchhhhhh!!!  
  
## oil production capacity

  
  
The table below shows the estimated oil capacity of six countries, in millions of barrels per day, from 1990 to 2010.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.  
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.  
Write at least 150 Words.  
  
The presented bar chart illustrates the estimated oil production capacity in six different Gulf countries namely Iran, Iraq, Kuwait, Qatar, Saudi Arabia and UAE, in four years 1990, 2000, 2005, 2010, measured in million barrels per day. Overall, the oil production of most countries tends to increase from 1990 to 2010, except for Qatar. It is crystal clear that Saudi Arabia produced the largest amount of oil throughout this period whilst that of Qatar was the least.  
  
In 1990, Saudi Arabia produced a significant quantity of over 8 millions barrels of petroleum daily, which is about four times higher than that of the rest . This continued to rise steadily and reached its peak at a little higher than 14 millions of barrels per day in 2010. In contrast, the lowest oil producing country was Qatar. It produced under 1 million barrels per day in all given years. However, there had been a marginal increase in 2000.  
  
As for the four remaining countries, their oil generating capability was approximately between two and four millions of barrels per day throughout the decades. Over time, the production capacity gradually improved and reached around 4 millions of barrels per day in 2010. Iran's capability was slightly higher than that of Iraq, Kuwait and UAE.  
  
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You should be writing only 175-190 words for this essay. Writing over 200 words brings you nearer to the Task 2 writing guidelines and time limitation. I am worried you will not be able to write and revise this many words within 20 minutes. You have to leave at least 5 minutes for the editing of your draft prior to submission. Please remember that next time and try to stay within a short, rather than long presentation instead.  
  
Excellent work on the summary overview. You have given enough and correct information for the reader to be able to develop a mental picture of the original image. That is the aim of the summary overview and you delivered it without question.  
  
The overall presentation delivers a good mix of simple and complex sentences. The punctuation mark usage is correct throughout and the comparison points are on point. This is basically one of the better developed presentations of this task that I have seen at this forum. However, you should not pat yourself on the back just yet. You still need to learn to present the information in a succinct manner. That will help you present an even easier to read, understand, and remember presentation that will not cut into the Task 2 writing time or go overboard with the word count.
## Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries.

  
  
Then-First Lady Michelle Obama, who is one of the most important pioneers in the United States to enhance human life, organised a public health campaign to reduce the overweight of children. She announced that: "Childhood obesity isn't some simple, discrete issue. There's no one cause we can pinpoint. There's no one program we can fund to make it go away. Rather it's an issue that touches on every aspect of how we live and how we work." There are two subjective causes of the out of fit children issue that may lead to a serious effect which needs to be solved in particular ways.  
  
The first factor causing the overweight of children is bad eating habits. They prefer eating fast foods and sugary soft drinks than healthy foods. Lack of physical activities is the second factor encouraging this problem. Children interested in sedentary activities rather than go outside, so that they gain more weight adding to their obesity.  
  
These significant reasons have begun showing up the bad effects on children's health which become more serious day by day.  
  
As a consequence, being overweight does harm to the heart, liver leading to heart disease, diabetes. Some research proved that obese people have a higher risk of meeting disease more than fit people. Therefore, this issue should be solved as soon as possible.  
  
To prevent this serious problem, parents should pay more attention to children's health such as plan a healthy diet for a day and encourage them to take up sports or outdoor activities. Besides that, the government also can propose some solutions to repulse this issue step by step. For instance, the government can limit junk drinks and fast foods advertisements which are directed to children's mind.  
  
In conclusion, the overweight of children is not a simple issue that could be solved superficially. Therefore, we need to take an action to daily diet and physical activities to reduce the number of this issue.
The essay is based on your general knowledge about obesity and its effect on children. That is how the prompt paraphrase should have been presented, the reference to Michelle Obama along with her health program has nothing to do with the discussion. Why? This is not a research paper that requires you to offer information sources and verified information. This is based on a personal opinion. So the essay itself does not follow the correct format for the discussion. There is an overwriting in the essay that further pushed the essay farther from the original prompt requirements.  
  
The essay need not have the quote from Mrs. Obama. You actually highlighted how you took more than 40 minutes to write this essay because of the researched quote and other data in the essay. All of which you cannot accomplish during the actual test. You need to be able to write using your own words and understanding of the proposed topic. This essay, though well researched, will not help you get a passing score in an actual test.
The writer has dealt with mental health issues  
- You lost me here. Who is the writer? What did he write? How is it relevant to your research? Maybe you overlooked the reference made in your notes when you wrote this draft?  
  
According to Andrea Elmid  
-Who is she? What is her background in relevance to the discussion? What research was conducted and why? These are foundation points that you refer to prior to citing information from her research. Without it, the authority of her information becomes questionable and easy to ignore.  
  
The rest of the presentation falls under purely cut and paste information. It does not contain a personal opinion or analysis of the information provided by each expert. The continued use of citations may also trigger a plagiarism warning once this essay is passed through a checker. Correct that section to include explanations or insights in lengths that would remove the possibility of the flagging.
the ecosystem of that region  
Provide a factual, evidence supported example of this climate change. A particular region of the world where the effect is clearly seen and mismanaged (perhaps) or addressed properly to the point where it has become controlled.  
  
otherwise the detrimental effects of climate change may become irreversible.  
Such as? Why would these become irreversible? For more convincing effect, use one or two examples that could be best used as currently existing climate changes that we are having a problem overcoming.  
  
Perhaps you can leave the political parties out of this discussion as politics doesn't really have a direct hand in the climate change discussion. There is no need to mention that the people who do not believe in climate change are Republican. It gives the research a political.  
  
these conservatives prefer to stay away from the idea of climate change in general because they are highly suspicious of the government.  
You lack evidence to support this claim in your essay. It does not need to be reflected in research papers yet. Just public opinion based on interviews your have done or seen on authoritative channels. Conspiracy theories need to have a basis and these need to be reflected in the presentation.  
  
slant rather than an neutral representation of the discussion.
## The two maps illustrate an area before and after some refurbishments from 2005 to now.

  
  
As can be seen from the plans, the most notable change taking place in the area is the construction of a road bridge, which replaces the ferry.  
  
In 1965, the ferry was constructed to help people crossing the river. Connected with the ferry are two paths, one leads to the big road and the other one to the house area.  
  
In the present day, the layout of the place has been revised. The ferry is now replaced by the road bridge which has the same direct way into the city. Moreover, on the north side of the road bridge, there is a big car park on the left of the river, while on the right side of it is a pretty dense housing area with 3 apartments located behind it. Also, a smaller car park is newly built, which can be accessed via a minor road connecting with the road bridge.  
  
Finally, in the south, besides a few houses that have appeared, there is a footbridge for pedestrians only, another car park and a yacht marina all expected to be opened in 2018.  
  
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Your summary overview is incorrect. It must give a description and identification of the images being provided. You are not giving the description of the previous plan, which resulted in a major change in the new plan. The major change represents the trending statement in this case. You have not really provided useful information in your summary. You are assuming that the reader has a copy of the image. The actual assumption is that the reader does not have a copy of the image so your report will be the only basis of a mental picture for the reader. You failed to do that in the first paragraph.
## Popular hobbies and interests change over time and are more a reflection of trends and fashions

  
  
Many are of the opinion that fashionable momentary trends nowadays take precedence over personal interests when it comes to determining one's pastimes. I therefore partly agree with the assertion as to me, it is not applicable to some situations.  
  
Supporters of simply passing trends can point to their reasonable arguments. The power of mass media platforms over our lifestyle is the foremost justification. Teenagers are specifically attracted to fads among their peers. One salient example of this is a phenomenon named 'the hot trend' according to generation Z dictionary in which adolescents seem to have a new interest whenever the latest craze sweeps through their milieu. In 2017, our Fidget Spinners cult experienced an ultimate resurgence in their popularity. Thousands of people at that time were obsessed with these and apparently, they swiftly embedded in our popular culture and made appearances in schools, workplaces, social networks. Though these fast-selling toys provide a pleasing sensory experience, they are quite dangerous and yet almost as quickly, this craze died out and sales fell away after dominating for several months. In the same way, there have been several different toy trends over recent years but undoubtedly, the majority of participants do not actually enjoy playing the same things for a long term.  
  
On the other hand, leisure activities have been strongly linked to individual enthusiasm from the very start. Truth to be told, interests and hobbies tell a great deal about us more or less. One good example of this would be science. Children and adults who are passionate about science, especially when this interest sprouted from the early days, are definitely not following a fashionable pattern. They are in fact seriously concerned about scientific subjects, numbers and theories. Therefore, most of them choose not to waste their precious time running after transient fads but for researching and reading. Though it is applied to a minimal number of people compared to those preferring trendy crazes, still justifiable to me.  
  
In conclusion, while some people are drawn to stylish hobbies which I believe is the reality of today's world, others choose their pastimes for more genuine reasons. To my point of view, it is all about personalities underlying their decisions on what activities they would take on.
Your first reasoning paragraph is over explained. It is too wordy and forced you to write over 300 words, which, if you think of the things you need to do within the 40 minute time limit, you may not be able to complete. You need to be more direct with your explanations. A 5 sentence explanation composed of:  
  
- Topic sentence  
- Supporting reason  
- Example to illustrate your point  
- Additional explanation (optional)  
- Transition sentence  
  
would be more than sufficient to drive your point home. You are not writing a research paper, just a personal opinion so keep it short to avoid forced errors in your writing such as under developed second topics, GRA problems, C&C issues between the 2 topics in a single paragraph.  
  
Science is an incorrect example to use in the second paragraph because science is based on an interest in studies, learning, experimentation, and intellectual development. It is not a hobby or interest that can change from time to time. It is because you did not portray a hobby or leisure activity in the second paragraph that your essay failed to deliver a convincing explanation. It is not convincing in the sense that the topic you chose to discuss does not fall under the suggested prompt topic.
## Proportion of senior citizens in three societies

  
  
**The table below shows information and predictions regarding the change in percentage of the population aged 65 and above in three countries.**  
  
The given table illustrates the change of proportion of over-65 age population in Canada, Germany, and the UK from 1988, also the prediction in 2030.  
  
Overall, it is obvious that all three countries experienced an upward trend in the population percentage, with the most change in Germany in 2000 from 1988, the opposite was true for the UK. In 2030, Canada is predicted to has the most increase in the year 2030's elder population proportion.  
  
The German elder's rate was 25.32% in 2000, higher than the year 1988's 4.87%. The same pattern for from-age-65 Canadian in 2000 was 20.67%, of which in 1988 was 16.32%. The proportion of the UK's elder population in 2000 was 14.89%, 0.66% higher than the year 1988's (14,23%).  
  
In 2030, the Canadian elder population rate is expected to rise more than 4% in comparison with the year 2000's percentage. Also, 5.1% of the elderly population in Germany is predicted to grow from 2000. The UK's is projected to elevate up to 20.35% in 2030.  
  
*Thank you for the evaluation!*  
  
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Since you are trying to help the reader create a mental picture of this table, you should include the information description for the columns and rows provided as well. For the columns, there are the country and years covering 1988, 2000, and a projection for 2030. For the rows, the country's included in the consideration as Canada, Germany, and the UK. Such specific descriptions shows a true analysis and investigative look into the provided information that will help boost your TA score. Be precise with your country identification. A citizen of Germany is more commonly identified as a German, the country, as provided in the chart, is GERMANY. There is a big difference between the two references.
## Do you believe that professional athletes make good role models for young people?

  
  
In this time and age, youngsters are easily influenced by grown-up people's behaviour in many cases. Also, they mimic their favourite singers, actors, and sports personalities are not exceptional. Although sportspeople have rare characteristics that the youngsters need to follow, they should be aware of their effect on youth's life.  
  
On the one hand, there is a group of athletes who have vast popularity but have not got a bit of ethics. Despite their bulk money, they waste the money whimsically instead of doing charity. Moreover, a typical number of them used cheating such as using doping medicine or participating in gambling to achieve the highest prize in the mass competition, which not only humiliates the viewers but also be a poor example for the teenagers.  
  
On the other hand, it is unadmitted that the skilful athletes inspired the youth. The way they appear in front of media, their fashion trends following the way they behave are often imitated by young people. For example, the sporty costumes from well-known footballers have become the global trend that every teenager dreams of having a costume set like Lionel Messi or Ronaldo. Also, the valuable achievements they got encourage the teens who have sport-related talents to engage in sports associations and competitions to be professional sports personalities like them. Therefore, they are indeed to orientate fashion styles and talents to the youths.  
  
To sum up, despite the apparent demerits belong to mimic the skilful athletes, I supposed that these happen in minority cases. In fact, I firmly believe that they create excellent examples for teenagers.