dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**TOPIC:-Some people argue that cars should be banned in city centres while others are against this idea. Discuss both the sides and give your opinion**.  
  
## no access for cars to the downtowns

  
  
Nowadays, cars have become an efficient means of transportation. The invention of cars has provided comfort and reduced travel time, but at the same time has caused serious environmental threats, like noise and air pollution. Some people are in favour of banning the cars in city centres to solve these issues. However, there are a few who share a different perspective.  
  
The growing popularity of the cars has caused serious traffic problems and environmental issues. Some people think that abandoning this four-wheeled vehicle will reduce congestion. This would further reduce the stress level of the people caused due to the daily traffic jams. Furthermore, this will be a significant step to tackle environmental threats by reducing air and noise pollution. As these cars run on fuel, like petrol, diesel etc. The harmful gases are released due to the constant burning of these fuels, resulting in the rise in air pollution and several hazardous diseases amongst individuals. Henceforth, forbidding the motorcars would lead to a healthy environment and preservation of the non-renewable fossil fuels.  
  
However, there is a flip side to it. Restricting the four-wheeled vehicle would negatively impact the overall economy of the country. Automobile industries significantly contribute to the growth and development of the country by providing a wide variety of employment opportunities. Casting out these vehicles will drop the production and hence resulting in the shutdown of several car manufacturing firms. This would further lead to unemployment and other redundancies.  
  
In my opinion, banning the cars is not a wise resolution to tackle the environmental issues. However, the government should encourage the people to restrict the use of it by providing an efficient and economical means of public transportation. They should roll out awareness programs to encourage the individuals to car-pool and explore other means of transportation.
I have modified the third paragraph, please suggest if this is better:-  
  
However, there is a flip side to it. Restricting the four-wheeled vehicle, especially in city centres would negatively impact the overall economy of the country. Automobile industries significantly contribute to the growth and development of the country by providing a wide variety of employment opportunities. Casting out these vehicles around the city centres will reduce the demand of new cars which will drop the production and hence resulting in the shutdown of several car manufacturing firms. This would further lead to unemployment and other redundancies.
Chinky, did you provide us with the complete original prompt? The reason I am asking is because the prompt paraphrase that you created separate so much in context from the original prompt that this would cause an automatic failure of the essay in the scoring system. The prompt paraphrase that you created for not accurately reflect the original prompt and as such, would receive a failing TA score. You have to remember that the opening paraphrase is not the place to start the discussion of the actual discussion of the prompt. That does not start until the second paragraph. You have inaccurately represented the prompt requirements. Just look at the original content:  
  
Topic: cars should be banned in city centres  
Instruction: Discuss both the sides and give your opinion.  
  
Look at the prompt paraphrase and you will see that what you presented for the discussion is nothing near the target areas of the original prompt. The proper paraphrase is:  
  
*There are people who would like to prevent the use of cars in city centres. Others believe that cars should continue to be allowed in the city centres. In this essay, I will discuss each side of the argument before offering my personal opinion.*  
  
There seems to be a missing piece of information in the discussion that you presented. That is, what are the two reasons that represent each side? That is why I think the essay prompt you provided is incomplete. There are usually reasons already presented in the original prompt in order to give you a basis for your discussion. In this instance, you made up that information. Which could lead to low scores if it is proven that you are discussing off topic issues in the essay.  
  
This is supposed to be a 5 paragraph essay since you are being asked to present a personal opinion. A common mistake among the test takers is that they normally use the personal statement to conclude the essay. That is the wrong approach to the essay. Your opinion is still part of the body paragraphs and therefore, cannot be counted as a concluding statement. That is always a summary statement at the end of the essay.
## internet and online shopping

  
  
Internet has changed the word and with it every single aspect of our dairy routine. Going for shopping these days has became one of those details that internet modified for good. This trend is being adopted for more and more people every day due to its goodness and comfortability. It seems that it presents more advantages than withdraws.  
  
First of all, the merely fact that being able to acquire things we need from the comfortability of our homes represents an attractive practice for every person. taking time to move ourselves to any store for buying something look like a waste of time with the advantages of technology. Recent studies have being proving that professionals and even university students whose spare time is limited buy the 90% of all they need through internet. They argue that this way they are able to enjoy or simply rest on their free time.  
  
Looking at the disadvantages of this tendency, it shows the same problems with internet use in general. With more and more technology advances that allow people to do anything from their phone, it is inevitably the decline in social interaction among people. In the old days, whenever you visited the grocery store, you were able to connect with new people or you were able to greet acquaintances. With the use of internet, this social practice has being becoming ocassional.  
  
to sum up, it is clear that internet and online shopping provide a wide range of attractives, however, the social consequences of this popular tendency can not be dismiss by any of us. Socialitation should be part of our routine as well as adopting easier and time saver practices, both aspects are equally importants.
Dariela, I would like to offer you a complete review of the work you have done here. The problem, is that you did not include the original prompt requirement with your essay. So the analytical part of the assessment is out. I can only make a general assessment of your essay which, in all honesty, will only be partially helpful in improving your writing skills in the particular essay task.  
  
Don't quote any facts or figures in these essays. You need to broaden your discussions when you do that and you only have 5 sentences with which to defend your line of reasoning. Next, using figures requires you to do online research, which you won't be able to do during the actual exam due to a locked down, LAN only computer system. It is imperative that you always practice in as close to an exam center set up as often as possible so you will know how to function on the exam day itself.  
  
Your grammar requires improvement. The sentence structures and grammar range will not get you a passing score. The confusing paragraph presentations will also not get a passing C&C rating. You are not cognizant of the writing rules. Always capitalize the first word of every sentence. Avoid run-on sentences such as the ones that you created in the concluding paragraph. The standard minimum 3-maximum 5 sentence requirement per paragraph applies in all instances, specially in the opening and closing paragraphs.
Hi Dariela, regarding your grammar, take a look at what you have written:  
  
~~Recent studies have being proving , this social ...~~  
  
Recent studies have proved that.....  
  
This social practice has become... / is becoming...  
  
You may want to refocus on tenses first.  
  
Also,  
  
both aspects are equally  ~~importants.~~  
  
important is an adjective so you do not need to add 's' at the end.  
  
Hope that helps.
There are few sentence correction which I would like to make:  
  
1st paragraph:-  
... aspect of our ~~dairy~~  daily  routine. ... days has ~~became~~  become  one of those ...  
  
2nd paragraph:-  
First of all, the ~~merely~~  mere  fact that ...  
  
3rd paragraph:-  
With the use of the  internet, ... becoming ~~ocassional~~ **irrational**
***Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?***  
  
Globalization has changed the world as we once knew it. Every day people around the globe are acquiring alike products such as clothes, books or art items with internet help. One of the consequences of this situation is the resembling of most countries these days. Whether this is a positive or a negative outcome should be analyzed carefully before making any decision.  
  
First, social, cultural, artistic and even economic diversity among countries must be protected now more than ever due to globalization. The possibility of losing countries identity by this phenomenon of people around the world buying the same products it is clearly a negative result of this tendency. Nowadays, a teenager looks the same no matter where he or she lives; in contrast, former generations were more diver in these issues.  
  
In addition, countries are losing not only their identity regarding clothes and looks but also in artistic matters. Today a person is able to buy or sell by internet any piece of art from any country in the world. This trend is affecting singularity in artistic and cultural areas within a country.  
  
Looking at the positive side of this situation, internet and globalization, in general, allow people from elsewhere to acquire any product they need or want easily. People from countries where there was not available sort of items, now are buying them by the internet, for instance, medicine, food or household tools.  
  
To conclude, despite the fact that this tendency has a positive side, it is believed that the negative implications overweight the positive ones. The identity of countries should endure many years in the future.
Hi Dariela, don't worry, I will always get around to reviewing your essay. We have a queuing system that brings the essays into my workload in the manner that it entered the system. I follow the list and get to everyone who needs reviews as soon as I get to their work in the list. Don't worry, I will help you prepare for the test provided you continue to be a participating member at this forum.  
  
The paraphrase that you did seems to begin a discussion of the topic when only an overview is required. I think this is because of the short prompt that you were given. This was a test to see how well you could paraphrase the short prompt. This is also what forced you to begin the discussion in the wrong place. When a prompt is this short, you can extend your paraphrase by individualizing the discussion points:  
  
*These days, globalization has allowed the same products to be sold across the globe. This has caused countries and their people to become more identical due to product availability. As such, I believe that this trend is a negative development. The reasons I have for this opinion will be discussed below.*  
  
At this point you have 3 body of paragraphs that you can use to defend you opinion as stated in the opening paraphrase. The format should be:  
  
Body 2 - Reason 1  
Body 3 - Reason 2  
Body 4 - Reason 3  
  
You can individualize the discussions of the reasons in this manner. This will allow you to better present your explanations in a clear manner. Additionally, you can also count out (First, Second, Third) the reasons in a more applicable manner. Using the numbering at the start of the paragraph helps you to better outline your presentation as well.  
  
There is no need to balance this discussion with a positive presentation because the discussion instruction requires only one opinion coming from you. There is no comparative instruction so discussing both opinions is not required and will result in a prompt alteration. In most instances, a prompt alternation results in a failing score because of your inability to follow the given instructions. So make sure you discuss only the required points in the essay, nothing more, nothing less.
TOPIC:- *Some people believe the government should spend money on sport training for top players. While some people believe they should spend money on sports training for everyone. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.*  
  
## funds for a few sport stars or for every athete

  
  
Sports play a major role in the overall growth and development of the individuals. Nowadays, a major chunk of the overall budget is allocated to the sports training. Some people think that the government should invest their funds in providing the sports training to their top players. However, there are a few who feel that the government funds should be utilized for imparting physical health education to the commoners.  
  
Some believe that the government should focus on all the individuals as compared to the top players, which are significantly lower in proportion. By utilizing the government funds in imparting sports training to all the individuals will make them fit and healthy and reduce the frequency of several hazardous diseases caused due to limited physical movement. Nowadays, people are leading a sedentary lifestyle, these physical health education sessions will encourage them to pursue a healthy living. This would further boost the overall economy of the country.  
  
However, there are a few who believe that the government should spend the money on providing fitness training to the elite players as compared to the entire nation. They feel these champions are the biggest asset of the country. As they bring pride and glory to the nation. By spending the government funds in providing them advanced and specialized sports training will further enhance their skills. As a result, while participating in a tournament, they will be more competitive and would have an edge over other participants.  
  
In my opinion, the government should follow a balanced approach in distributing the funds to provide sports education to the commoners and top players. As both these sections are equally important for the overall growth and success of the nation.
Chinky , when you write the first paragraph, do not launch into an immediate discussion of the essay topic. The opening paragraph is meant to help the examiner assess your English comprehension skills. The only thing he wants to read about in this paragraph is an accurate representation of your understanding of the original prompt. What you did was introduce a discussion in the first sentence of your opening paragraph. I you remove that part and start with the second sentence instead, your prompt paraphrasing will be more on the mark. By the way, your opening statement would have been perfect if you had remembered to paraphrase the discussion instruction as well. That way, the reader will have an idea as to what is supposed to be discussed in the body paragraphs.  
  
The essay does not have a proper concluding statement. Your personal opinion is considered a part of the body of paragraphs and therefore, should never be used to close the essay. The essay will only be considered closed and with an appropriate closing paragraph if you did a proper summation of the discussion along with a prompt restatement and a reiteration of your opinion.  
  
Overall, this is a pretty decent attempt at writing a comparison with opinion essay. You just need to make sure that you address the points I observed above in your next practice test.
## drinks unhealthy for kids

  
  
In the past few years, a drastic change has been observed in the eating and drinking habits of children. These days, there has been a rise in the consumption of sugar-based drinks amongst kids. People need to take strict actions to control this negative development as it adversely impacts the growth of the children.  
  
The increase in the consumption of these aerated drinks is due to the significant rise in the advertisements. The companies are now targeting the younger generation to sell their products. They have strategically designed their campaigns by luring the kids through attractive and colourful packing and showcasing the superheroes and film stars promoting the consumption of these drinks. As a result, children are influenced to buy these sugar-based beverages which create a negative impact on their health in the long run. Moreover, these carbonated drinks are quite economical and readily available in the market. Hence, children find it easy and affordable to purchase it. For example, in India, a bottle of Coca-Cola is sold at Rs.10 which is cheaper as compared to fresh fruits juices.  
  
However, the consumption of these sugary drinks can cause severe diseases in the long run. Henceforth, strict measures should be taken to restrict the intake of such drinks. Parents play a major role in reducing the consumption of these drinks. They should educate their children about the ill-effects and the critical diseases which it can cause. Furthermore, the government should impose heavy taxes and restrictions on selling the carbonated beverages. This will further reduce the production and intake of it.  
  
To conclude, a collaborative approach of the government and parents are required to discourage the consumption of these sugar-based drinks and to have a healthy and secure future. Parents should inculcate healthy practices amongst their kids by encouraging them to have fresh fruits juices. The government should impose strict policies to restrict the selling of such unhealthy drinks.
@chinkybehl22  
I think you make a clear point of views in your essay. But I think maybe you can slightly change the last paragraph.  
  
*Parents should inculcate healthy practices ... The government should...*  
  
**Can change in this way:  
With these solutions, children can lead a more healthy life than ever before. In fact, instead of keeping a firm grip on children's eating habits, it's wiser to help them cultivate self-descipline in the long run.**
Chinky, your opening paraphrase has 2 sentences at the start that say the same thing only in different ways. That is a redundancy and you will lose points for that. You want to present a full 5 sentences in the opening paraphrase that offer the reader some new information in every sentence. So one way of approaching this prompt would have been:  
  
*Children have been steadily increasing their consumption of sodas. In this essay, I will be presenting a specific reason as to why the number of children drinking sodas are on the upswing. I will also try to present a solution to this problem based upon public opinion and personal experience.*  
  
Without really knowing what the original prompt is, since you did not present it with this essay, I will have to assume that the original prompt is similar to what I created. Please remember to upload the original prompt along with your response essay next time so that you can get a better and more focused review of your essay response.  
  
Your second paragraph was strong and should have closed on a very strong note if you had not suddenly introduced the example at the end of the paragraph, without actually developing that discussion. As such, you will lose additional points for an under developed discussion. In all instances, just present one topic per paragraph in order to avoid points reduction due to under discussed presentations.  
  
As for the solution, the same rule applies. Either discuss the parents or discuss the government role in reducing the children's consumption of soda. We need a clear discussion and information presentation each time. At the moment, that is not happening in your presentations due to the overload in information you are trying to get across to the reader.
**In order to study at university students are required to pay expensive tuition fees. Not all students can afford them so some people think that university education should be free for everyone. To what extent do you agree?**  
  
## education in universities without tuition fees?

  
  
Fees for higher education are expensive and not affordable for everyone so according to some university should be free for all people regardless of their background. In my opinion, I agree completely with the notion that university education ought to be free as it will greatly benefit both individuals and society.  
  
A good reason to abolish university fees is that it gives people equal rights whether they are rich or poor. At present, students from a poor background are prevented from entering university because they are unable to afford the fees. This situation, which can be avoided by eliminating tuition fees, excludes a large proportion of society and is discriminatory.  
  
Moreover, having fees at university means that students will no longer have to work at the same time as studying to cover their costs. For example, a recent survey conducted by Princeton University, which took place in many countries, found that around three-quarters of all university students in the world have to work either full-time or part-time while studying at university to pay their fees. Free higher education should, therefore, produce better results as students will be able to afford to apply themselves to their studies exclusively.  
  
Finally, free university education will benefit society in the long run, for the simple reason that it will open up higher education to a wider section of the population. This will result in increasing the number of educated people. In other words, having a greater resource of skilled and knowledgeable professionals will bring greater rewards to society as a whole. Furthermore, it can bring more economic advantages to a country that shows itself to be prosperous and leading in various fields.  
  
To conclude, free university education is essential for any country that values equal rights and one that wishes to advance. The cost of free education will be recouped many times over by the benefit it brings.
Though I am not an expert, as per me the introduction should first have a background before jumping to the real topic.  
  
Nowadays, a hefty amount of tuition fees are required to be paid by the students to study in the universities. Some believe that the fees for higher education should be waived off as it is unaffordable for everyone. I completely agree, that not charging people for education could become very beneficial for a country and its economy.  
  
Hope this helps!!!
Hi  
overall i would like to write you a brief description of a good and academic essay guide, which you can follow that and get a high score.  
  
try to choose predicted essays style.  
at the first start from stating a general topic or making question of the prompt and then use a transition and then write your opinion, all these at the first paragraph as your introduction paragraph. in predicted style you should state three important points which in the three body paragraph you should write about each of them in detail.  
  
in the second step go on the first body paragraph by choosing the first important point from introduction paragraph.  
the next two paragraphs should be the same as your first paragraph according to its type.  
and then write your conclusion.  
keep in your mind to write the body paragraphs as this instruction:  
first of each body paragraph should be a topic sentence  
next, write your reasons and examples  
finally at the end of each body paragraph write a cause and effect sentence.  
  
if you follow this instructions correctly and completely you will receive a high score  
good luck.