dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Your prompt paraphrase is too short and does properly reflect the indicated discussion topic, reasons, and question from the original prompt. You cannot just take the topic sentence and then give a response to the stated question. Although you properly responded to the question, you did not indicate the reasons that this discussion is important based on the reasons given in the original presentation. Therefore, you will lose points for creating an incomplete prompt paragraph. You need to have at least 3 sentences for that section.  
  
Regardless of the error in the discussion paraphrase, there is no way that this essay will get a passing score. You see, there is 250 word minimum requirement for the task 2 essay. You only wrote 162 words. Deductions in the TA section will be made based on the error in formatting and missing word count. When the total number of errors in this essay are totaled, you will not be anywhere near a 5 band score.
**Topic:** People think that the government should increase the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles to solve environmental problems. Give your opinion.  
  
## taxes on petrol?

  
  
**Essay:**  
  
The environment has been one of the major concerns of the world in recent years, especially in 2019 when micro dust was at an alarming rate. One of the reasons for this matter is because of emissions from vehicles. Therefore, some people have proposed that national authorities should raise taxes on petrol. While this seems to be an effective solution, I would argue that there are superior ones to cope with environmental issues.  
  
It is reasonable why rising fuel's price is advocated by some people as this would lead to a reduction in the number of journeys made by cars and other private transports. As a result, there will be a shift to using more public vehicles such as buses or electric trams and this will, in turn, help reduce the greenhouse effect. However, this measure would only be beneficial in the short term since the extra expense does not account for much in total.  
  
Hence, I strongly believe that the better option is to raise tariffs on private modes of transport, instead. Korea perfectly exemplifies this situation. In Korean, the local authorities put a high tariff barrier on cars which eventually led to a plunge in the number of car users and also a considerable increase in the number of journeys made by buses and underground trains. Moreover, the government should also upgrade public transport infrastructure to facilitate the transportation around the city even more so that more and more people will choose it over riding private transports. Both aforementioned measures will result in a cut down on exhaust fumes from personal cars and help in the effort to combat global warming.  
  
In brief, a surge in the cost of petrol would be a useful environmental-friendly solution, although, in the long term, I have the belief that imposing high taxes on cars and improving public facilities would be optimal.
It would appear that your word count, though definitely far over the minimum count, ended up being too many words for the 40 minute time allowance. You have to make sure that you use a timer when you write these practice exercises. That way, you won't need to watch the clock at the testing center, you know exactly how many words you can write when you allot the time properly for brainstorming, drafting, reviewing, correcting, and finalizing the content. Yes, all those steps need to be completed within 40 minutes. You definitely won't have enough time to write 310 words in that instance. Maybe 270 or 290 words, 300 as a absolute maximum depending upon your English comprehension skills and writing abilities, but no more than that.  
  
Now focusing on your essay, I have to say that you will not get a passing TA score for this test for one reason alone, you failed to properly address the prompt. The Original discussion prompt indicates:  
  
*Some people think that one of the best ways to solve environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles. To what extent do you agree or disagree?*  
  
You changed it to:  
  
*People think that the government should increase the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles to solve environmental problems. Give your opinion.*  
  
In this instance, you made it clear that you altered the prompt and in effect, did not discuss the topic based on the discussion plan provided by the original prompt. Severe deductions will be made because of this in the TA score which will definitely lead to a less than 5 band score on your final assessment. You ended up arguing, a term that examiners frown upon when you were simply asked to discuss. There is a big difference between the two approaches to the opinion presentation of the problem. Not to mention, you gave a response that was not related to the original discussion. So this will definitely pull down your score to a point where even if you scored better in the other aspects of the test, it still won't be enough to reach the 5 band score at a minimum.  
  
While your reasons may be scored in relation to the original prompt discussion, the failure to clearly respond to the task shows your inability to understand an English set of discussion instructions. That means, the examiner will view you as lacking in English education and comprehension skills to qualify to study in the UK, Australia, or Canada to name but a few countries that accept IELTS test results for foreign students.
## I am a book person

  
  
Hi, EF members. I have this prompt about reading just to work on my writing skill. Any comments and suggestions are deeply appreciated, thank you.  
  
The questions of the prompt :  
  
***Do you like to read? How often do you read?  
What do you like to read and why?  
Tell us about something you read recently*.**  
..........................................................................  
  
I absolutely a book person and am very much into reading. I read as often as I sip my cup of water. Be it a book, articles, short stories, or web pages, I love reading them. From the various genres that I read, I specially keen on reading fantasy stories. I love how it manages to bring myself to imagine something I never find in real life and most of those stories are really exciting and adventurous such as those in Harry Potter, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Darren Shan's Demonata series, and Derek Landy's Skulduggery Pleasant series. Nowadays though, I read more of a history genre where it allows myself to indulge in a journey to the past that make the future as it is. Just recently, I read my new purchased book titled '1001 Inventions : The Enduring Legacy of Muslim Civilization' by Professor Salim T S Al-Hassani and it amazes me a lot. It brings back a great civilization's history, where people from different nations, races and religions were living in harmony, and its role in today's modern world that is very much forgotten and ignored. Truly a masterpiece must I say.
You have connecting word issues in the essay. For example, you should say "I AM absolutely a book person." Also, you have a noun phrase problem in the series "... book, articles, short stories, or web pages..." All the references in the series are singular, then you suddenly went plural with "web pages", thus causing a noun phrase problem. Keep everything uniform. If you start with the plural form, end with the plural form. If you start with singular forms, end as such. So it is "web page", not "web pages". Use more punctuation marks in your writing. in the section, "I read, I AM specially keen on..." you should be using a semicolon instead of a comma after the word "read". Please remember to use the word "AM after "I". You keep forgetting that connecting word.  
  
When you were asked, "How often do you read?" I understand that you were trying to be creative in your response but, what you wrote was essentially a non-response to the question. The reader has absolutely no idea how often you sip water from your cup. So give direct answers to questions. Question = direct response. So, how often do you read? Several times a day? Once a day? At bedtime? While having meals? Indicate a response that can have the reader assume a numerical response.  
  
Let's put it this way, the grammar isn't perfect, there are some mistakes in response presentations, but overall, this is not a bad English grammar exercise. Most of the essay is understandable except for the part I pointed out above. Not a bad try. I can see your potential for improvement in terms of grammatical accuracy. I hope to see such changes in your next practice response essay.
## households in owned and rented accomodation

  
  
The chart provided compares the percentage of owning accommodation and rented ones in two regions ( England and Wales ) over the course of 93 years from 1918 to 2011. Overall, people were inclined to own a house in the past, while a reverse picture was seen from 1918 to 2011.  
  
In 1918, the percentage of households in rented accommodation held the lion's share ( around 78% ), which was nearly fourfold the percentage of owned accommodation, at 22%. 21 years later, the ratio of rented houses decreased by roughly 9%, while, that of rentals increased by under 10%. Then, they kept that trend and made up the same rate in 1917.  
  
In 1918, the percentage of households owning increased by 10%, which also was the percentage of households renting decreased at the same time. Over the course of 10 years from 1991 to 2001, the percentage of owning accommodation accounted for around 68%, and that of renting accommodation made up nearly 32%. After that, in 2011, the percentage of owning house lost its momentum and dropped to under 65%, while renting accommodation rebounded and held over 45%.  
  
*
You first two paragraphs could use some adjustment in presentation. The clarity and coherence of your information report comes from the way that you are able to separate the information into individual sentences. Do not use run-on presentations, separated only by a comma. Make an effort to write true complex sentences using a period to separate the information presentation. It is important that you learn to present proper complex sentences that join 2 related ideas into one sentence. So for paragraph 1 the combined sentences should be:  
  
- Chart type and measurement type  
- Reference to type of data (renter and homeowner) plus their location  
- Trending observations  
  
For paragraph 2, you should be using periods to represent adjoining information before moving on to the next bit of information. The same goes for paragraph 3. Basically, the information is all there, it is just the format that became problematic. The presentation format that you chose would have affected your GRA and TA score. It really appears to me that your presentation is mechanical in nature. It doesn't even try to expand on the discussion. It just hits the reader with the information, nothing more. You need to try and provide a proper reference point for your LR, C&C scores as well. So use the correct format for your paragraph presentations. That is the only way to increase your scores in those sections.
## factors important for success in sport

  
  
**Question**: **Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while other people think that mental strength is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.**  
  
People have different views in which is more important for sport players to succeed in sports. In my opinion, both mental stamina and physical fitness are equally important.  
  
On the one hand, it can be argued that the characteristic which can help sport performers win the competition mainly is endurance. Many sport games require physical strength such as football or weight lifting. For example, in a football match, to compete with the rivals from the beginning to the end, football players have to be enduring and flexible. If they are in weak physical condition, they may not undertake either severe trainings or adversity.  
  
On the other hand, some people believe that strong will is the key factor which leads to success in sports. With strong mental health, sports players could easily overcome fears, pressure and difficulties in their career. Take Anh Vien swimmer as a telling example, she is the first women who won many gold medals in SEA GAMES for her nation. Despite being young, she still gets over many ups and downs and remains a never-give-up spirit whenever she goes through strict trainings. In contrast, many sport players are mentally weak when confronting stressful situations or compete with those who are better than him or her. As a result, failure would easily come to their ways.  
  
In conclusion, it seems to me that a successful sport player should have both physical and mental strength so that they would be able to shine at their career.
It would be unjust of me to review this essay for information, format, and quality of discussion when it is definitely under the required minimum word count. You will be losing points for the number of lacking words (3) which signifies that this is an incomplete and under developed discussion presentation. Based on the prompt discussion instruction alone, I can already tell that this should have been a 5 paragraph essay. However, you only presented 4 paragraphs because you did not use the public point of view discussion method for the 2 public opinion paragraphs before presenting your personal opinion. The essay converted from a compare, contrast, and opinion essay to simply, a personal opinion presentation of the 2 discussion points.  
  
Your prompt paraphrase and conclusion are incomplete. There is no proper restatement of the prompt in both instances. For the opening paraphrase, you neglected to present the two public opinions. Also, you were in error when you decided that you could have an immediate opinion, without first considering the 2 differing points of view. The opening paraphrase never requires a solid opinion from the writer. Just a restatement of the discussion instruction.  
  
Then, the concluding summary, as you can tell from the title of that paragraph, requires you to restate the prompt, the 2 POVs, and your personal opinion once again in order to remind the reader about the discussion points prior to closing the essay with a simple sentence.  
  
I will avoid judging your work for now. I want to be fair and give you a chance to write a proper essay that meets all of the requirements and format for the presentation before I recommend points for improvement. I will also point out any other errors your paper may have at that point. As of now, I want to give you a chance to show me that you can write a proper Task 2 essay.
Your essay should not open with a direct quote from a source. You must properly build up your thesis argument, avoiding the quotation as it is not required until the succeeding paragraphs. The first paragraph is just all about establishing the discussion points and discussion outline for the reference of the reader. In addition to that, you should also avoid closing a paragraph with a quotation. That leaves the paragraph hanging. Try to give a personal explanation or a personal opinion based on the preceding quote instead. That way the paragraph transitions more smoothly into the next paragraph. Use the last few lines to introduce the next discussion topic in relation to the current topic of the existing paragraph.  
  
By the way, if you still plan on writing another paragraph in the essay, don't kick off the previous paragraph with "Finally". The word indicates the end of the discussion. A wrap up of the given information, a conclusion. If you are still intending to discuss another topic, then use a topic sentence to start the paragraph instead. Only when you are absolutely sure that your overall information presentation and discussion has come to an end should you use words that connote the end of the presentation.
## Stop talking and take action.

  
  
"The action is more power than words". Why action speak louder than words? This question that many people usually ask themselves. It makes me remember to a quote from someone like "People may not tell you how do they feel about you, they usually show you act." But what are relationship between the question above and that quote? That's great question. I can answer that if you just speak but not work, you won't never success and you only can admire others' achievement. You can see around the world, the people who have been reach high achievement and success always more action than speak words, because they don't have time to talk everyone that they can do it but they don't know how it to do or the work is so easy and they don't need do it. They just show you how they do it and they try to prove their talent for everyone.  
  
For example, there are two friends play together. One day, a person name is Annie talks to her friend name is Kalie that I want to tell you a secret but you need to keep it for me, then Kalie replies that I won't tell anyone about it and I promise. Another day, Annie feels so angry with her friend- Kalie and she decides to meet Kalie. After that, Annie asks why did you tell my secret with others?, Kalie said she forgot about their promise and sorry Annie. Annie feels like Kalie is liar and she doesn't want to play with her friend anymore. Otherwise, the relationship between Annie and Kalie was broken from that fault. From this story, we can learn a lesson: When you promised something with someone, you need to keep it and don't tell with others. The promise is broke, it is difficult to repair.  
  
Another example, I admire a singer who is the most famous in my country- VietNam. I like him not because he is famous or handsome. I love him because the talent really him and the way of him overcomes difficulhes. His name is Son Tung MTP. Before Son Tung become famous and was known to many people, he had to trade many things, under pressure from the public and bad talk about him, he still ignored all those words, he didn't care what people talked about him, he also did not explain to anyone anything, Son Tung just silent and act to show people his true talent .Currently, Son Tung MTP have been achieved much succese and his songs are in the top of the music charts. Besides, those who hated him tumed to admire him and everyone has acknowledged his talent. From this story, we can recognize that words don't help others to change their view of you, but if you try with your own ability to prove it to others, everything will be different. So, act more than say.  
  
In conclusion, the action speak is an invisible force that helps us succed and has tremendous value. Stop talking and take action.
None of your examples illustrate or explain the meaning of the quotation through action. The first example, was about trust issues and how it cannot be repaired when it is broken. The second example, is more attuned to the question, but still not totally related when you consider how you presented the discussion. Here is an example of how that particular quote is best exemplified.  
  
There is a man who is in love with a woman. However, he cannot tell her his feelings because he gets tongue tied when he is in front of her. So, rather than telling her his feelings. he buys her flowers, gives her gifts, accompanies her home at the end of their work day, and just treats her in a special way. That is his way of telling her he loves her. She noticed his actions and asked him if these movements meant he loved her. He said yes. = Actions speak louder than words.  
  
The above is an example of how "actions speak louder than words." so your examples and explanations are invalid when you consider the underlying meaning and examples that actually relate to the quotation.
## Gaming period of time

  
  
My essay:  
  
The happiest moment in my life is when I playing the computer game, although I am not playing now, but the game makes me happy to let me can't forget that period of time. I have played many games when I was a child, story games, driving games, or another fighting games, in that time, we don't have a smartphone that we can't play games on the phone, so this computer games make me very impressed.  
  
Maple Story is an online game, it can make friends in the game, you can group a team to take missions on the game when the task is hard to do, the team should rally and think about how to through a barrier, it always has a lot of fun to everyone. At that time, I usually woke up at 12 pm for the game, in order to be better than others. I although spend a lot of money to buy the strong weapons, I mean the real money from my grandmother, it's fun to spend a lot of money to be the best in the game, but now I feel regret to do that, because if that money save in my bank, I can eat a lot of things now.  
  
Although playing the computer game is fun, but it is wasted many times, many people play games when he was a student, I must say you have to choose your important thing to do, don't just play for fun and have no goals or lose your direction in life.
You need to change the verb form in your first sentence from "... when I playing the computer game..." to "when I am playing the computer game. " Use a semicolong for the part that states , "when I was a child; " Other errors include:  
  
but the game makes me happy to let me can't forget that period = ...... that I cannot forget that...  
or another fighting games = another fighting game then a period. This is a run on sentence presentation that should be corrected.  
  
Okay, I cannot correct your essay line by line. It would take forever to correct all your errors. So let me just indicate what skills you need to focus on improving. You are constantly using contractions in the essay. This is practice you have to avoid because this is not allowed in academic writing and, when you take the English test for foreign students, you will lose points in the GRA section of you constantly use contractions in your presentation. You better start practicing how to do academic writing this early so it can become second nature to you when the time comes.  
  
Next, avoid run on sentences. Almost all your sentences are run-on sentences. Practice writing simple and complex sentences instead. Do not mistake long sentences for complex sentence. These are a not complex sentences. A complex sentence has an independent and dependent clause in its presentation.