dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
There are 2 errors in the prompt restatement presentation:  
1. The thesis statement should come at the end of the paragraph in support of the writer's opinion. It should not be the topic sentence.  
  
2. The writer is offering a solution in an essay that does not ask for a solution opinion. No suggestions should be made if not required as it will result in a discussion alteration and lower the TA score.  
  
The writer does not sound confident in his opinion explanation with regards to the school's responsibility in the situation. Words of uncertainty create a problem for the supporting writer's opinion discussion. It weakens the reasoning paragraph since the writer cannot convince the reader of his opinion. How can he do that when he questions his opinion himself? The opinion now lacks clarity, which will affect the C+C score.  
  
Contractions in the presentation will also have an effect on the GRA score. Remember that the words need to be spelled out to show that the writer is properly using the word(s) in the sentence.  
  
By the way, I am not watching the essay, that means looking at a series of moving images. I am reading the essay, which refers to static words written on a page.
***Some people believe that everyone has a right to have access to university education and that governments should make it free for all students no matter what financial background they have.  
  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?***  
  
Competent people need to allow students to study in the university without charge which has always been a topic of general interest. While this thinking is valid to a certain extent, I believe that tuition payment is necessary for all universities as well as the national economy.  
  
Supporters of the opinion about learning for free argue that everybody has accessibility to be educated in an advanced environment. Although the world is constantly growing, some families still don't have enough budget for their children to learn. This reason led to the suspension of many students and affected the development in each country. Particularly in Guinea, since the expensive fee to learn, many children can't go to school which makes this country have the lowest level of development. Moreover, in the future, if this case is still not handled by the government, the number of illiterate people will increase sharply.  
  
In my view, it is necessary for authority to collect tuition from students. First of all, we need to sympathize with the government's budget in many developing countries where they don't have enough to pay for public services, even education. Secondly, depending on the major, each student will have a different fee to study, therefore, if university education is free, expensive majors will be chosen by many students and it is going to put pressure on the fund for education in many countries. However, nowadays many developed countries have financial support for all the students who apply to their particular university.  
  
In conclusion university's fee will be dependent on the education's development of each country. However, if some students in developing countries have a great achievement in learning, they can entirely have the opportunity to have the international scholarship which helps them develop their own education.  
  
Thanks for giving me feedbacks about this essay.
The writer is using English words in this essay without a true understanding of the meaning of the word. This leads to confusing and incorrect discussion references that make his sentence and paragraph presentations confusing for the reader to comprehend. He should ensure that he checks the meaning of words he wants to use in his practice essays before he actually uses it in the presentation. That way he will have a chance to build his vocabulary properly and also, avoid making any score reducing mistakes in his presentation.  
  
A mistake was made in reference to the opinion presentation of the paragraph. The writer indicated the extent of the validity of the topic rather then indicating the extent of his support or non-support of the given discussion. Based on this error, the presentation will receive a failing TA score. It does not address the prompt requirements as expected. The overall discussion presentation is not valid since it is addressing a prompt created by the writer rather than the prompt that accompanied the original text. There is no way that this essay will manage to receive even a low passing score.
The writer's position is not very clear, you should affirm again your extent of disagreement or agreement in your conclusion too.  
The mistake in your essay is that you discuss 2 sides instead of focusing on supporting your argument.  
The conclusion paragraph is quite irrelevant and baffles me a lot. Why "university's fee will be dependent on the education's development". The use of "will' makes it look like you are making a prediction instead of concluding your idea. The second sentence is completely off-topic. I think that the chance of excellent students getting an international scholarship has nothing to do with the topic you are writing about!
## Stress-related illnesses from work

  
  
It is common to see that, these days, many employers are suffering from pressure-related diseases. This essay will discuss the two main causes of stress-related diseases including overworking and lacking work-life balance. This essay also suggests two main solutions to this problem including having a logical working schedule and engaging in physical exercise.  
  
People are working longer hours than ever before, in addition, they have to encounter a severe lack of work-life balance. With the development of technology, nowadays, a variety of jobs have been replaced by technological equipment. This makes the world of work becomes increasingly competitive, so to survive in that environment, people have to put their work life under a lot of pressure. For instance, being a teacher in the modern era, one has to be competent in his or her discipline and skilled at using technological gadgets serving his or her teaching job. From that, people can not have adequate time to take care of themselves and their families. This leads to diminishing their quality of life.  
  
To protect people from these negative phenomena, many useful ways have been recommended. Such as having a reasonable timeline and doing regular exercise. Firstly, it is believed that having a reasonable timeline for working so that they can have more spare time to pursue other pastimes and rejuvenate themselves. This simultaneously improves their work performance. Secondly, many well-advised recommendations from health specialists show that doing exercise frequently or taking up a new sport allows workers can enhance their mental health and reduce stress in their work field, and at the same time foster their creativity. This could be substantially beneficial for people who work in some occupations related to arts, such as writers or artists. Therefore, to avoid suffering from diseases led by strenuous workload, workers need to have a stable working schedule and engage in physical regularly.  
  
In conclusion, in today's fast-paced world more and more people are becoming ill as a result of stress. This essay indicated how to stay away from getting disorders related to intense workplace stress and suggested the solutions to this issue are twofold: to have a suitable workload and to do exercise on a regular basis.
The prompt restatement is acceptable enough. What is not acceptable is the mere repetiition of the discussion questions when the guide questions meant for these to be the establishing discussion points for the writer's opinion in the first paragraph presentation. Due to the lack of clear writer opinion presentation, the first paragraph cannot receive a passing score. It can only get a fraction of a score based on the prompt restatement.  
  
There needs to be 2 causes and 2 solutions presented in this essay, not just a single cause and 2 solutions. The writing has to be done in paragraph partnerships. One problem, one solution, within a single paragraph. By doing this, the clarity of the writer's opinion and the strength of his opinion becomes clear to the examiner. It will result in a better score than the writer might expect to receive.
I think you have an understanding of how to make your paragraphs connected. However, there must have been a problem with the thinking process. To me, the 2 main causes you came up with are basically the same or may be overworking will lead to work-life imbalance. When you state 2 main causes like this, the result is that your first paragraph becomes so vague. I don't see a separation between the two causes and instead, it looks more like a one-idea paragraph.  
  
That you write "people have to put their work life under a lot of pressure" sounds a little unnatural and awkward to me.  
  
"To protect people ... Such as having a ..." This 2 sentences should be combined into 1.  
  
"it is believed that (...) more spare time..." You seem to not know how to use grammar structure properly and the sentence coming after this one sounds disconnected with this.  
  
Incorrect usage of "disease"  
  
The second sentence in your conclusion is very problematic. It doesn't refer back to the causes and the language is not appropriate: 'how to stay away from getting disorders related'. To show others how to do something is not the purpose of your essay.
## my future in 5-10 years

  
  
When I realized I got used to diving into an adult's world, I started thinking about who am I in the next 5 year and even in the next 10 year. To be honest, the biggest thing I pursue is Education. I think this is a large field that I have to become a part of it.  
  
Since highschool time, I feel my country's education has some dilemmas. My teachers impact me so much that I have to be a specialist guy in class to receive their attention. That is a problem. Because I realized that we must be changed from a specialist guy to a generalist. I do not want education is a place where teachers "teach" their students about something but I want education to become a space which can evoke the beauty of each individual and promote that beauty.  
  
This is the reason I am on my way to finding my partners to create a community where children can learn from a liberal environment and especially I want to give the worthy knowledge to poor children. Nowadays, we know many organizations which can contribute facilities and help give education for them but two things for education I want to "build up" for a child are mental stability and developing EQ. Because I believe that intelligence grows a lot from experience, and experience only learns from failures. We often do not learn experience from success.  
  
I am imagining my future in the next 5 and 10 year right now and I feel pressure and excited. In the next 5 year my community for children will being launched. The reason I feel pressure is that I must find out how to keep that "fire" in myself and even in my partners to always be ready to "wake up" inside our children. I know many projects or organizations give children a bunch of important lessons, however it just works in a short term. Therefore, it is not my criteria for education. I believe that we can boost students' creativity and help them be more courageous in the path that they are taking. The first principle is that our community is not a school where we can easily see tables, chairs, chalkboards, and teachers who stand at the center of the class lecturing the students. We should think outside of the box and in our community students become the center of the classroom discussing ideas with their peers under the facilitation or under the supervision of what we call a mentor or a facilitator. And in the next 10 years, I believe our community will be extended and benefited with any Vietnamese children. Whatever major I choose, I want to help children in my country to catch up with education in the world.
The essay is too scattered in focus. The writer must not work so much on the backstory in a disconnected form from the 5 and 10 year plan. He must revise the presentation to allow for the relevant merging of his future plans with the backstory. The backstory cannot comprise more than half this essay. By creating a seamlessly interwoven idea presentation, the 5 and 10 year plans will show the relevance of the difficulties education faces in the applicant's home country.  
  
A new essay must be developed if the writer is to meet the prompt requirements for the application. He must also use a professional editor to help clean up his essay once his new draft is finished. The editor can clean up any problems and misunderstanding that might arise from the ESL writing of the applicant. The writer is not capable of writing a clean English application essay without professional help.
## Business ventures

  
  
**Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it. 300 words**  
  
My business ventures began when I was 8 years old. After moving to Australia and facing constant challenges of trying to fit in, I felt lost. My desire to find my passion was a constant battle.  
  
I unzipped my backpack at school, taking out a pink EOS lip balm I brought with me from America. The lip balm seamlessly glided across my lips, filling every crack and crevice. My classmates' eyes lit up with amusement and want as they saw this foreign product.  
  
I began importing lip balms and hand sanitizers to Australia and selling them to my school. They turned into collectibles and every month when I received my new shipment, all of the girls in my school would buy them and turn them into a competition of who had more. As my business grew, so did my passion for creativity and innovative thinking.  
  
I continued my passion when I moved to Colorado and started my first clothing store: Sunshine Beach Boutique. I sold Australian made and designed clothing to young girls all around the country; reaching 32 states. The desire for these items continued to thrive as my business reached over $5000 in profit within the first year.  
  
I belong to a community of entrepreneurs and innovative thinkers. My creative thinking and ability to recognize needs allow me to approach problems in a productive manner. I am truly passionate about finding problems within an environment and creating solutions to solve them.
The writer should bring the last paragraph up and use it as an introduction that will seamlessly transition into the start of his early business ventures. It is only logical to do that since it will allow him to address the prompt requirement swiftly and relevantly. It makes for a stronger impression since it allows the reviewer to imagine how this 8 year old could successfully develop a business plan at such an early age. Try to highlight how networking was involved in your business venture since you had to import items to the country you wer elicing in each time. That way the importance of your membership in the community is further highlighted and given importance.
Please help me with this essay. Thank you  
  
***It is a natural process for animal species to become extinct (eg. dinosaurs, dodos, ...). There is no reason why people should try to prevent this from happening.***  
  
## Do you agree or disagree?

  
  
A sizable number of people adopt the view that the extinction of certain species namely dinosaurs is ineluctable due to unexpected natural events, so there is no point interfering in this process. Personally, I totally disagree with this point of view because apart from natural causes, I strongly believe that human causes are unequivocal.  
  
On the one hand, it is true that a host of primitive animals such as dinosaurs and dodo ceased to exist owing to natural calamities, but it is not to say that man-made disasters are negligible. For instance, Panda experiences a population crash every year because of over poaching, thus it is now on the red list of endangered animals. In addition, thousands of acres of land are cleared to make room for human's agricultural and industrial practices. Therefore, natural habitats are severely destroyed and native species have no place to live and reproduce. As a result, as impactful as the natural catastrophe may sound, human-induced disasters are of great significance.  
  
On the other hand, in case human practices are not the main culprit, it is highly important to spare wildlife creatures from dying out. This is because the majority of natural species are linked closely by food chain, the extinction of one kind of species may put an end to the survival of its predator, thereby sabotaging the balance of the ecosystem. Moreover, there are a few species whose genes are quite rare in the wild. The disappearance of these is synonymous with the fact that genetic materials for scientific experiments catering to human's medicinal purposes will be lost permanently, which impedes medical development.  
  
In conclusion, human activities are the drivers pushing some kind of species to the verge of extinction. Even if these are not the chief causes, the medical and ecological merits of wildlife creatures are really noteworthy for human's life. Because of that I think it's about time taking actions to protect animals for our own sake.
Okay, the writer is obviously trying to gain a higher LR score in this essay by using advanced English words. This is a problem because the examiner is not looking for advanced English words, that often result in incorrect usage. What he is looking for is how the writer can express himself clearly using everyday English words. So words like "ineluctable" and "unequivocal" have no place in the task 2 presentation. There is a simple grammar rule in this test when it comes to word usage. Keep it simple. The LR score is not as score improving as most exam takers mistakenly believe it to be. The score increase comes from the other aspects such as C+C and GRA.  
  
Why is the writer using an extinct animal, the dinosaur in his opening statement? That animal went extinct long before human beings came into existence. He should have used some other example instead. By using the wrong example, the examiner will think that the exam taker cannot analyze information and can only write in memorized phrases.  
  
Scores will be reduced overall because of the incorrect discussion format. Rather than proving his opinion over 2 reasoning paragraphs, he instead compared discussion points. Points that are not covered by the original discussion and therefore, initiated a prompt discussion deviation. A mistake that will result in a failing score for the essay.
## Happiness is considered very important in life.

  
***Why is it so difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness?***  
  
Happiness has been regarded as a lifelong purpose throughout the history of humanity. Hence, it is vitally important to live a blissful life. This essay will discuss the reason why it is not easy to interpret that concept and outline some critical elements that contribute to contentment.  
  
The definition of happiness has remained as elusive as ever. Notably, it is mostly attributed to the distinctive perception of an individual person in different contexts. To elaborate, happiness differs from a toddler who is given new toys to a delighted mom who just gave birth to a newborn, thus it is evident that feeling joyful can vary from the trivial things that take place on a daily basis to the critical milestones in a person's life.  
  
Despite that notion's ambiguity and abstraction, there are several key elements which facilitate a sense of well-being. First and foremost, gratitude appears to be the essential foundation for the state of being fulfilled. Specifically, when people feel grateful for what they have at the moment, they might live passionately in every aspect of their life with satisfaction. That could be a little moment with serenity, a random beautiful day or merely a tiny favor that others do. Moreover, happiness is always hiding in plain sight. Although small things happening on a daily basis could be conceived as mundane as people usually overlook them, these little details contribute to the way people view the world outside every day. Consequently, they will bring about the frequent feeling of contentment and peace inside.  
  
To conclude, in spite of the fact that defining happiness is quite a challenging task because it is exclusive to an individual, people can also find it in every quotidian thing and every little moment in their life. Moreover, happiness is not a goal to reach, it is hidden beauty waiting to be discovered.
The writer should not have represented the reasons for the discussion at the start of the paragraph. The first sentence should have simply allowed for the interpretation of the single sentence topic. Followed by 2 more sentences that respond individually to the 2 questions provided. The prompt restatement + writer opinion was not well developed in this paragraph. In fact, the restatement will be seen as an alteration of the original topic and therefore, receive a failing score. The repetition of the discussion instructions are not necessary in this presentation. Due to the C+C considerations, the questions should have found direct topic responses in the opinion presentation. Otherwise, the writer's opinion requirements are not met.  
  
The second paragraph tried but failed to properly explain why happiness is difficult to define because it did not use the correct example to explain itself. Had a more youth oriented or adult example been used, then the difficulty in givign meaning to happiness would have been met. A child, or infant, as referred in this paragraph, does not have any concept of joy and sadness yet. It has automatic communication reactions, which do not indicate that it understands the difference between types of happiness.  
  
The writer should have stopped the discussion after the second reasoning paragraph. By continuing the discussion into the concluding summary, he ended up with an open ended essay, which is an essay that is always given a failing score due to the lack of a recapped closing paragraph.