dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***It is generally believed that people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.  
  
## Discuss both ideas by giving your opinion

  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.***  
  
There are many successful athletes and musicians in the world. Some are said to be talented. Others are believed to have tried very hard to achieve successes like today. In my opinion, both these types of people are so admirable, and I am sure that everyone had to practice industriously to become excellent at their field.  
  
Talented people have some specific features that others do not. They often showed their ability when they were a kid. Moreover they are easy to learn and apply their knowledge. So their parents soon recognize their ability and let them go to class to improve their abilities. Therefore, they have experiences from the early ages. But even if they have gifted abilities, they also need to practice. Because no one can not achieve anything without maintaining and extending their levels.  
  
On the contrary, untalented people have no special ability. They can not learn as easily as the talented ones so they must put in a lot of efforts. However, a right approaching and encouragement from both parents and school can help everyone develop themselves properly. Besides that, passion is also a factor maintaining the motivation in order to pursue one's dream.  
  
In conclusion, I think people are all geniuses. Everyone has their own mysterious ability and he or she has not shown it yet. It is necessary for schools and parents to observe and make conditions for their students and their children to develop and also encourage them. In my country, there is a famous saying "On the way to success, there is no trace of lazy men", which means that no one can gain any target without persistence and hard-work. .
You have an almost perfect presentation here. The only problem, is that you used your personal opinion as a concluding paragraph rather than presenting it as a required third reasoning paragraph, with the summary conclusion presented after. You have actually written just enough words and avoided enough errors to create a well developed essay, were it not only for the error in the concluding paragraph.  
  
In terms of GRA consideration, you mistakenly used the connecting words "Because" and "But" at the start of the sentences in the first reasoning paragraphs. The English grammar rules state that conjunctions cannot be used at the start of a sentence due to the very purpose of the word. Conjunctions are used only to connect 2 discussion points, that would otherwise we separated, in a sentence. Since that is not the situation upon which the words were used, these will result in GRA point deductions for you.
## Family and school rules for children

  
  
While an argument that children should be imposed strict regulations of parents and teachers is advocated by many mature people, the rest of society are afraid that children will not prepare adequately when they get adulthood. This essay will discuss both these points of view and indicate an own favour of the later.  
  
On the one hands, by living under proper and strict rules, children will enhance their sense of responsibility and discipline. In other words, children tend to accommodate their behavior to surrounding, thus, only by creating appropriate household rules that can parents influnce and shape their children behaviour to the fullest growth. Moreover, because of the complexity of school, such as racism, violence, and so forth, teachers and management committee of schools should establish close regulations so that educating and impacting positively on students' characteristics. For instance of a rule that can influence effectively on children is that: "Regardless of their station, educational level, or where they are, they would treat everyone equally and respectfully".  
  
On the other hands, if children must endure too much controlling from mature people, they will not develop comprehensively. In other words, each child will have their own forte in a certain field, such as, music, sports, art and so on, their parent and teachers, however, always create rules to demand them to get good marks and improve in the educational field without noticing about children's favourite and strong point, leading to the waste of children's gifts. Compared to children who are good at learning, children who have talent for art, music, and sports will get more pressure from their parents. By enduring too much pressures, many children got psycholigical problem such as autism and depression, resulting in an increase in suicide of children. Japan is the most noticeable example for this remarkable reality.  
  
In my opinion, children should have a chance to develop and enhance by their ways. Therefore, matures people should not put too much rules on them.  
  
In conclusion, the household and school regulations will be the good method to shape children's behaviors. In the contrast, I believe that parents and teachers should give children an opportunity to develop by themselves.
A prompt restatement is always helped by a clear opinion being presented at the end of the final thesis statement of the paragraph. In your version, you merely repeated the discussion instruction, but did not really offer a clear opinion on your end. If you recall, one of the scoring considerations of the TA section is a clear opinion coming from the writer. Since you already restated the prompt discussion topics in the first sentence, you should have delivered a clear thesis by saying something to the effect of:  
  
Based on the reasons that support each opinion, I developed the point of view that...  
The public opinion supporting the idea that...  
However, others consider that.....  
Due to my personal belief that... my opinion is that...  
  
Using the above format will allow you to use the general discussion with third party pronouns effectively, while strongly supporting your personal opinion with first person pronouns as well.  
  
By the way, "one" is singular in reference so you cannot use the plural word "hands". Your reasoning paragraphs are not very well explained. There is a confusion as to the statement you are making based on sentence structural issues and proper, clear, and understandable explanations. Focus less on the vocabulary and more on the reasons per paragraph. You can give all the opinions you want per paragraph, if you do not explain the reasoning behind the opinion, then nothing will come of your statement. Consider using the following format next time:  
  
Sentence 1: Topic sentence (combining the opinion for teachers and parents or the opposing argument  
Sentence 2: Explanation for teachers  
Sentence 3: Explanation for parents  
Sentence 4: Example to support your explanations  
Sentence 5: Transition sentence  
  
The above format will work for either reasoning paragraph presentation. Remember, clarity is more important that word count. As long as you write at least 275 words, you will be sure that you have written an understandable paragraph per presentation. Your opinion must be developed as a full paragraph with the same format as I presented above. In this presentation, you did not explain your opinion fully, which means there will be point deductions for under developed paragraph presentations.
## tracing your family tree

  
  
Recent years have seen people tend to pay attention to finding out the root of their families. During this essay, I would discuss some main reasons why people can spare no expense to do this as well as propose some negative impacts of this trend.  
  
On the one hand, there are many reasons why people are particularly interested in the history of their families. First and foremost, people have been started to question their own roots because of the booming of science and technology. Indeed, it is quite easy for people to trace back their pedigrees thanks to science and technology to gain a better understanding of their ancestors. Second, people have a birthright to know who they are and where they come from. For example, children are separated from their families when they were young because of wars or adoptions. Thus, these children who lost their families really want to know about their roots when they grow up.  
  
On the one hand, some negative impacts can link to this trend. Firstly, it is time-consuming for those who want to know their roots. In other words, the pedigrees of a family can root from thousand years ago, with being passed down by history records or by word of mouth. Hence, these history records can vanish into thin air due to many reasons, both subjective and objective, and people can be tough to know exactly the pedigrees of their families. Secondly, investigating the history of families is also responsible for wasting money. Specifically, if people want to know exactly their roots, they must take full advantage of cutting-edge technology, such as an ADN test, that needs an exorbitant price to carry out.  
  
In conclusion, there are many reasons for people who want to know their roots, and some negative effects can be associated with this trend.
There is an unnecessary discussion point in your restatement. The part about the main reasons why people would spare no expense in tracing their family tree is a prompt deviation and adds a discussion point that alters the overall original theme. The only discussion point to be presented here are 2 reasons based on your positive or negative support for this topic. Therefore, your essay will only be scored on the aspects that discuss the negative impact since that is the actual discussion point.  
  
Sadly, the presentation of a prompt deviation topic will mean that your essay will go down in word count. From the current 305 words, a whole paragraph presentation will be removed. The reasoning paragraph that discusses why the people would want to look into their family tree. There will only 187 words left from the original 250 requirement. You are under the word count, you do not have a properly formatted response essay, and there are several other errors in your writing presentation. The end result? A failed task presentation test.  
  
Stick to the discussion topic, do not add your own discussion points. If you do not understand the practice prompt, ask questions. You need to make sure that your English comprehension skills are good enough to help you understand the test questions once you take the test. Right now, it is obvious you have a problem with that. So work on that first.
*IELTS wrtitng task 2 -  
**New technologies and ways of buying and selling are transforming the lives of consumers.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

  
  
Answer :  
Undoubtedly, with the advancement of new technologies, the mechanism of buying and selling have evolved. But the question is, to what extent is it transforming the lives of consumers? In my opinion, I agree that the modern-day consumer is radically impacted by this new era of online trading of goods. Not only this allows consumer to save lots of time and is trustworthy, but also provides an job opportunities to skilled people and to path to be entrepreneur. I will amplify this argument by using some suitable examples before drawing a reasoned conclusion.  
  
To begin with, today's consumer is living a hectic and time quenched lifestyle, where every minute is imperative. Some of the tech giants with new technologies have produced a platform for buyer and sellers to be able to trade seamlessly in few minutes, which could have taken up to hours incase of traditional shopping where buyer have to physically meet the seller. Additionally, some of these websites take the responsibility of background verification of seller, so that buyer can trust the seller and transaction can occur with 100% customer satisfaction.  
  
For example, Websites like ebay and Amazon allows anyone to opt to be a seller, and people can buy products and services in a single click with utmost amazon guarantee.  
  
Furthermore, these kind of online shopping portals empower people to start a business without taking care of legal formalities and warehouse/shipping expense. Anyone can choose to start selling on these website, and if they are have a quality product/service and they are putting it at a reasonable price, they can earn 5-star rating and excellent reviews by consumers which not only accentuate the brand-value, but help gaining customers confidence. For example, 'available at home on demand' service model adopted by a company called 'Urban clap', opened more than 2000 jobs of women beauticians to work with them. Another example is of Mr. Satya who started with selling silk dress on Amazon.com and now hiss brand 'Smith Silks' have become a popular name.  
  
To conclude, I would say that the emerging technology and new approach for shopping and selling have clearly transformed the lives of consumers, but for the better. And with the popularity of artificial intelligence and machine learning, days won't be far away when features like auto-bargain by computer and virtually try-out of products will be provided.
391 words is considered over writing in a task 2 essay. It shows that you are focused only on writing, but not on the clarity of the meaning you hope to provide in the discussion. It tells the examiner that you did not care about writing an essay with limited errors in the overall presentation. You hope to overcome the errors through an extremely long essay, which did the exact opposite. It forced you to make errors that you were not able to correct because you simply did not have enough time to do that due to the number of words that you wrote.  
  
Keep it simple. No more than 5 sentences per paragraph. Give a quick and clear explanation. You are not writing an article for publication. You don't have to overdo the writing task. Just do enough to make sure that you pass the test. That is done by limiting your presentation to 275-300 words.  
  
You did not even manage to respond properly to the question provided. This is an extent essay. So, where is the measured response? You wrote this as a simple agree or disagree essay when it should have been "to a certain extent" based on 2 reasons of your choice. There is no thesis statement included in the prompt restatement. Which is a requirement for the task completion. Simply sating you will amplify an argument with evidence doesn't tell the reviewer a summary of the upcoming discussion. So your opinion, though indicated, lacks basis.
Thanks for your feedback.  
1. I totally agree with exceeded word limit comment. I will work on limiting it to 275 - 300.  
  
2. Regarding "This is an extent essay. So, where is the measured response? You wrote this as a simple agree or disagree essay when it should have been "to a certain extent" based on 2 reasons of your choice." - > I agree on this point. Can you suggest the sentence that would have taken care of extent espect. If i would have written the second sentence as "In my opinion, I think that the modern-day consumer is extremely impacted by this new era of online trading of goods." would that have been better to show the extent aspect.  
  
3. Regarding "There is no thesis statement included in the prompt restatement. Which is a requirement for the task completion. Simply sating you will amplify an argument with evidence doesn't tell the reviewer a summary of the upcoming discussion. So your opinion, though indicated, lacks basis." - > Can you suggest a thesis statement for this task  
  
I highly appreciate your response.
## getting a job immediately or keeping on further study?

  
  
After graduating from high school, youngsters mostly get confused by opposing points of view about whether or not they ought to study further at university. While many recommend the above choice, a huge range of opponents still suppose that working straightforward provides more benefits.  
  
To begin with, spending four years at university is definitely worthy for every teenager. Firstly, It is indisputably claimed that the more classes people join, the further academic education people receive, especially together with the well- qualified groups of teachers and the modernization of infrastructure, students are able to acquire much more knowledge and experiences in such a conducive environment, which is significantly necessary for their later job. Secondly, to adapt to a more and more competitive market, attaining a well- appreciated degree plays a requisite part. It not only facilitates employees' success in job interviews but also assists them in higher future positions. It seems that most companies and employers now often look through your certificate as proof for your qualification before accepting and arranging you in a job position. Therefore, better academic education will absolutely let you in a suitable profession.  
  
Besides, pursuing an occupation right after high school graduation also has its own advantages. What is easily realized first is that people can receive a real immense amount of experiences, not just boring theories found in a stack of books like university. For instance, people who started working for a mechanic workshop at the age of 18 will receive more years of experience than a university one because they work with machines eight hours a day, contact with a plethora of clients, and repeat them day by day, then there is no doubt if they know clearly about their major . Additionally, due to an early approach to new independent life, people seem less surprised at any sudden changes in society and then cope with them without fear, hesitation and shyness.  
  
As a final note, getting a job immediately or keeping on further study? It is still your choice, follow these above advantageous sides of each one and make a right decision
Good work in avoiding the presentation of a personal opinion at the start of the essay. Bad job in posing a rhetorical question in the concluding paragraph. While you did not make a decision for the student, you did open up a second line of discussion in the concluding paragraph rather than a summary of the discussion. There was no need for the rhetorical question as the discussion was supposed to be close in that paragraph. Never pose question in the concluding discussion. That is unnecessary. Just repeat the topic as a statement, which is what you are supposed to be presenting in that section.
which is significantly necessary for their later job / This part is awkward, how about "which is almost always necessary for their later job"  
This essay has a very friendly and informal tone. If this was your goal don't change anything, however, if you want it to be more formal I would suggest getting rid of words such as "besides", "youngsters", and "boring theories".  
  
As a final note, ... It is still your choice, follow ... / This sentence does not provide an impactful end to your writing. I would suggest you restate your position (whether college or a job is better).  
  
Additionally, due to an early approach to ... / I would suggest with statements such as this you get statistics or evidence to back up your claim, instead of just a generalization.
@lynguyen2912  
Here's a structure you can use for this which works everytime with this question prompt:  
  
INTRO:  
Restate prompt statement in your own words.  
State both views  
  
Paragraph 1:  
State fist view  
Reason / Explanation  
Reason # 2 (optional)  
Example of any kind  
  
Paragraph 2:  
Same as para # 1 but with the second view  
  
Conclusion:  
Restate the prompt again in different words  
State both views  
  
Consistency of your ideas is key in scoring good and using this structure will assure you do exactly that, without getting distracted and opening more discussions on the side. Make sure you plan this way on the rough sheet.
***Prompt:  
Tell us about a concept, theory, or topic you have explored simply because it sparked your intellectual curiosity.***  
## Why do you find it intriguing? How do you want to explore it further?

  
  
Max word count allowed: 200  
  
History is a wealth of knowledge I have often pursued out of curiosity, especially women's rights and positions throughout time. Stories we are told today are often from the male perspective: women are rarely the focus, especially if the story is not a romance. Today's stereotype of women in history shows a weak character; dependent on their male family members. This caused me to question if there were women who managed to draw control and agency into their personal lives even in a world against them. I have an interest in becoming an historical fiction writer, and as a young woman myself I have managed to find inspiration from women who accomplished much throughout their lives without the help of a man. Criminals such as Mary Read and Anne Bonny may not be good role models, but they fought for their position and became successful. Other women, such as Margaret Beaufort or Lucrezia Tornabuoni, may have at first gained their power through their familial relations, but they became influential in their own right. European women have been my main focus but I would like to explore the lives of women from other cultures: strong women come from everywhere.
You told the reviewer what topic is of interest to you. It was explained quite well. The reason you were intrigued by it definitely resonates in these modern female empowerment times. You have shown a keen interest in the topic and the degree by which you have learned about it. These are the positive aspects of your response development. However, you will need to revise the overall presentation because you totally missed out on the last part of the prompt, which is "How do you want to explore it further?" That means, as a student at the university, what activities, reading materials, research, or related explorative study or activities do you hope to participate in to further feed your interest in women's rights? Why is it important to you that you continue to pursue this interest? What else is there left for you to explore and why?
## How the world has changed since the invention of the mobile phone?

  
These days for us, the mobile phone is a familiar and almost indispensable thing in life. It was a great invention that changed the world a lot. Besides the positive changes, there are also negative changes. There are some reasons to express that change.  
  
On the positive side, one of the most noticeable discrepancies is convenience. Before there was no phone, we contacted each other by letter, it took us to spend much time. However, we had the phone, it helped us to contact each other no matter where we were. We can send messages, call, see other people through face time. Next, in the past, we want to read newspapers we need to buy. But now, we can read a newspaper on the phone for free. Besides, the phone also helps us a lot, such as playing games, listening to music, watching movies,...  
  
On the negative side, the mobile phone makes us depend on it and forget our surroundings. If in the past when we were dating with friends we would chat and share, today everyone will focus on the phone, forgetting what is the purpose of the meeting. Today's children instead of playing folk games together with their friends, instead of playing games on the phone, there are even people who are addicted to the point of not eating or sleeping. That seems to make us feel emotionless, away from everyone around us, life gradually becomes dependent on the phone.  
  
In short, since the invention of the mobile phone, the world has changed both positively and negatively. Let's learn how to use the phone to become a smart consumer, promote the advantages and reduce the disadvantages of mobile phones.