dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Okay, your essay delivers the goals that Zaria Forman wishes to convey through her drawings. Your essay is direct to the point and really covers the most important and most obvious aspects of the talk that she gave. The summary works in terms of delivering the quickest and most obvious information from the video. It seems to me though that the summary could have been better presented if you had presented the information she shared regarding her more personal reasons for wishing to present the beauty of the earth this way. Such as the influence of her mother, the time she spent with the Inuit tribes, and other aspects which could have been summarized into the essay as the direct influences in her life that led her to portray her drawings in this realistic and beautiful manner. Make sure that you always listen to the video straight through so that you don't miss out on the other important but late introduced information within the talks given. You can do that. There will never be a video 20 minutes long for your review for the test.
Hi Zaria, below are my thoughts on your summary essay;  
  
- which are projected ~~will~~to be extinct  
- ~~by~~with climate change.  
- It cannot be a disputed that there has been  
- she wants to witness this changes  
- in ~~those~~this sites until the time goes on.  
- touch people's ~~feeling~~lives .  
  
There you have it Zaria, I believe this is the first time that I'm reviewing your essay and I hope it helped your revision, I would also like to take this opportunity to WELCOME you here on Essay Forum, with utmost enthusiasm, we are thrilled to welcome yet another member of this growing family. Here on EF, we strive to provide you with the most comprehensive feedback and the most accurate review in order to strengthen your essay and develop your skills in writing.Keep writing!
..... will be extinct / TO EXTINCT by climate change.  
It cannot be a dispute / CANNOT BE DISPUTED that there ............  
  
....., it is because she believes that this CAN easily touch people's feeling.  
  
overall, it is clear that you have a good control in grammar and has attempted to write varied complex structure. Thus, it will not help to enhance your skill if you only summary a short and easy article or delivering a very short summary. you need to try to read more complicated article then summarize it well. Look the one which will give you many new and less common vocabulary.  
  
try to look for article in historytoday for example, or just simply look for longer one and article of the subject that you are not familiar with. with this way, you can broaden your horizon, give you many ideas to be developed in both speaking and writing session
Hi, below are my several advice for you. perhaps useful.  
1.It cannot be ~~a~~disputed  
2.,(you should put dot, not comma) therefore, she wants to (...) until the time goes on. Her hope is to ...  
3.~~will~~ to be extinct by climate change  
4.Her hope is to inform people to slow climate change.(how?) ---> you should put a supporting sentence to explain more about the idea.
Have you ever imagined the places which have a considerable amount of oxygen? These days, especially in big cities, it is too difficult for us to find pedestrians zones and places which are free from air pollution. As a consequence, in big cities there are many pollution such as water pollution, dirty places, and also air pollution. Solution for those problems, the big cities must have pedestrian areas to decrease the amount of pollutions. Pedestrian zones in city centre can improve the local environment. As we know, usually in centre of cities there are many problems about pollution and pedestrian areas. If we build a pedestrian zone in the centre of cities, it can make several problems about pollution to be solved. And also when the pedestrian zones are in centre of cities, a large numbers of people are interested to come to theirs because usually centre of cities make an important role for the development of cities. For the example, many European cities have built bicycle lanes. It is very important for cities to have a considerable amount of bicycle lanes or pedestrian lanes to decrease the usage of cars or motorcycle by a large numbers of people. A program to decrease the using of cars and motorcycle makes an important role for decreasing amount of pollution on the earth and especially in big cities.  
  
Banning cars encourages people to walk or cycle. It is not only to make a program to decrease the using of cars and motorcycle, but also to make people healthier. People who walk or cycle regularly are generally healthier because every day, their bodies constantly make an active movement. Unknowingly, they do sports for every active movement like walking and cycling. And also, dependence on cars and motorcycle is linked to health problems like obesity. It can be happening because of when they using a car or motorcycle, their bodies just do a same thing every day. For the impact of that passive movement, you are being a lazy person and make your bodies bigger.  
  
The aforementioned evidence reveals that, pedestrian zones are important for cities, especially big cities to decrease a considerable amount of pollution such as water pollution and air pollution and also to make citizens are healthier.
Hi, mem77, here are some of my thoughts, hope that will help you.  
-I think you can vary the words"dirty place" with "land pollution"  
-Solution for those problems, ==>To solute those problems, the big cities ... ==> the local government must decrease the amount of pollutions in those areas. (I think you can write more measures in this sentence, because you want to decrease the pollutions but you write the solution is decreasing the amount of pollution.  
  
-As we know, ~~usually~~ in centre of cities in the centre of cities, there are many problems about pollution (...)==>Do you mean the original heart of city is problematic but it will be clean and nice if we build pedestrian zones?  
  
-For ~~the~~ example, many European cities ...  
... bicycle lanes or pedestrian lanes to decrease the large number of piracy vehicles~~by a large numbers of people~~ . ==>But you didn't explain why.  
  
--A program to decrease the using of cars and motorcycle makes an important role for decreasing amount of pollution ... ==>You just repeat your words.  
  
-Banningtravelling by carsalso encourages people to walk or cycle.(Sorry, I am not sure with this correction.)  
-It is not only to make a ~~program~~progress on~~to~~ decreasing the numbers of cars and motorcycle, but also ~~to~~on making people healthier .  
... generally healthier because ~~every day,~~ their bodies constantly make an active movementtheir muscles exerise more .  
  
Keep writing.
Hello mem77, I will give you my opinion about your essay.  
  
I think I is good enough for your writing style. You have good introduction, ideas, and conclusion. I suggest that you should make a difference paragraph between introduction and solution. So you will have 4 paragraphs in total. Maybe starting in the fourth sentence of your first paragraph, you have to start separating it into new paragraph as Body 1.  
  
The other suggetion is you used a lot of repetitive words and should be avoided by essay's writer. Such as 'big cities'; you can change it into 'large towns/ urbans/ states', 'pedestrian'; you can change it into 'people who walk in the street/ a walker/ foot traffic'.  
  
The second paragraph, I suggest that you have to use 'linking word' such as 'To further encourage/ In addtion/ The other solution is..."
Hi! I have some feedback for you!  
  
Solution for those problems, the big cities must have... should be  
  
The workable solution for those problems is the cities have to provide the pedestrian areas in order to decrease the pollution. Remember you cannot measure the pollution using the word 'amount'.  
  
Pedestrian zones in city centre can improve ... should be  
  
The function of the pedestrian zones in the city center improves the local environment.  
  
And also when the pedestrian zones are in centre of cities, a large ... should be  
  
In addition, when the pedestrian zones are in the centre of cities, a large numbers of people will be interested in visiting them since usually, the center of cities is having an important role in the development.
**Global warming is the biggest threat we face today.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree.**  
  
It is commonly assumed that global warming is the major issue people have to cope up with in current circumstances. In my opinion, I would argue that I am in favor with this statement because several determinant factors which lead to global warming are happening, such as illegal logging, forest fires, an excessive amount of pollution from vehicles, and a waste from manufactured factories. Also, people as yet do not have any alternative planet to live on, so that this is absolutely the major issue to human beings.  
  
I firmly believe that global warming is crucial and the biggest threat on earth these days because the causes of this problem is underway. The first main problems are the illegal logging and forest fires, in which most of forests have changed into human settlements, and loads of trees are cut down. In Indonesia recently all media outlets were inundated with the news regarding to forest fires and illegal logging, in several parts of its provinces, such as Riau and Borneo. This is a tangible proof that causes of the global warming is happening.  
  
Subsequently, other causes are also happening, such as emission from cars and motorcycles and a waste from manufactured factories which litter many of Indonesian rivers. In fact, it is clear that there is a growing number of vehicles bought by people in many parts of the world. It means that the more people buy cars or motorcycles, the more emission soars to the atmosphere, which deteriorates current global warming. Moreover, in Indonesia, most of manufactured factories dispose their waste to the bank of the river, which triggered environmental issue. In fact, citarum river, located in west Java Indonesia, is one of the most polluted rivers in the world.  
  
To sum up, because of the causes of global warming that still happening nowadays, such as illegal logging, forest fires, pollution, and waste, I believe global warming is the biggest threat that people have to cope up with. And so far, people merely have one planet to live, so that if people cannot prevent the causes of global warming, it is not impossible that the Earth will perish.
Amril, in terms of discussion, it seems that you do not have enough evidence to support your stance that global warming is the biggest threat that we face today. Your essay depicts the strong causes of global warming, but you do not discuss the resulting catastrophes that emanate from the global warming sources that you mention. When you discuss the reasons why you agree with the statement, you need to cite proper reasons related to the causes for example, illegal logging causes soil erosion which in turn, cause massive flooding in various parts of the world. The constant increase in the heat temperature of the planet results in the melting of the polar ice caps which creates an imbalance in the water level of the sea when compared to land level. You mentioned an environmental issue in your country but failed to relate what it was and how it relates to global warming. Do you get my point? The way to discuss this sort of issue is simply by discussing actual events that represent global warming results. You cannot just mention the causes without listing the results. There is no supporting evidence for the side you have chosen to support without actual evidence based on the causes you chose to present. So in terms of discussion, this is quite weak and would lose points in terms of task achievement since you were not able to cite proper examples in support of your discussion. This is an opinion paper that needs supporting evidence in order to be effective in its argument.
Below is my essay. Kindly suggest me what mistakes I am making. Am I being too fancy?  
  
**"Students should be allowed to share study information about take-home examinations on social-networking sites such as Facebook." Agree OR disagree. Provide reasons.**  
  
With the recent increase in implementation of take-home examinations, the students have started to share their work with other students through social media. If sharing of exam related information is allowed on social-networking websites, only one student does the exam for a group of people. In this process, most of the students do not learn anything. Moreover, the students become dependent on other people for their future exams. Therefore, students should not be permitted to share information regarding take-home exams on social media.  
  
As long as sharing of work related to take-home exams is allowed, full participation from all the students is impossible. Students copy the work of other students to avoid hard work required to complete the exams by themselves. Students only put efforts to organize the work they get from their friends in a different way to escape the penalty for plagiarism.  
  
Students do not try to understand the problems given in an exam if they already have the answers from other students. This makes them deficient of the skills required to pass that exam. Thus, sharing of exams related material online defeats the whole purpose of exams.  
  
Online sharing of exam information also makes students dependent on each other. They rely on other students work to complete their own exam. This is very harmful in the long run since their attitude changes negatively towards life. It also sends out wrong message to the youth that success is possible without hard work.  
  
Thus, students should not be given the consent to share the take-home exams related material online. Students end up copying the entire exams if they have access to other student's solutions. This makes them inadequate of abilities required to pass the course. Also, the students become reliant on other students for their work. Professors should take strict action against plagiarism. They should also give students grace marks for showing original work.
These days, most of students in our generation are lazy, ungrateful and disrespectful to what came before their graduation. Based on this article, we should thank to all of people who always support us when we do our thesis. One of the ways that we can do to appreciate them is that putting their name in our final assignment and gives some regard. First of all, our parents merit more honor than anyone else. They are the most genuine people in the entire world who always give energy and time in our daily basis. They always bring many advantages and it makes us can reach many achieves. The second one is our friends that deserve our thanks. They always accompanied us to face any condition in campus life and give a lot of memories for us. The last but not the least is our lectures, professors, and senior who always share their experiences and also give much advice to us. Thus, just do the simple thing to say thank you for special people in our life.
Muhamad, you have just broken the singular most important rule in writing these summary essays. You copied, without even trying to rephrase the text, a whole portion of the original article. I refer to the portion that talks about the generation that is lazy, ungrateful, and disrespectful. The examiner will see that you did not even try to change the way that the section of that essay was presented and he will immediately fail you in this section of the test. You should always strive to present an original understanding of the essay that will never refer back to the original text in a form of plagiarism. The important thing to present in this essay is your own understanding of the text so you have to speak in your own words. You cannot duplicate the words from the original source. Try your best to present this same essay to us again. This time, do not use words from the original. As I reviewed your work, I found more words from the original source being presented here with almost no corrections. You need to make sure to never do that in the actual test so you might as well start practicing that during the practice tests.
Hi Edho, your writing is great but there are some correction that I think will make it better.  
  
..., ungrateful and unfortunately disrespectful to what ~~came~~comes before their graduation.  
... to appreciate them is ~~that~~by putting their name ...  
... genuine people ~~in the entire world~~(you should refuce this words since it can be ambiguous when you put it after the word "world") who always give ...
hello edo  
I have some suggestions for you  
hope it works  
  
These days, most ~~of~~ students in our ...  
  
... to appreciate them is ~~that~~ putting their name ...  
  
First of all, our parents merit obtain more honor ...  
  
... genuine people in the ~~entire~~ world ~~who~~ always give energy and time ~~in~~on our daily basis.  
  
... can reach many ~~achieves~~achievements .  
  
They always ~~accompanied~~accompany us to face with any conditions in campus life ...  
  
The last ~~but not the least~~ is our lectures, professors, (...) and also gives much advice to us.  
  
thanks
A breakdown of the information about how many male and female learners graduating in Canada, a period of 15 years, started in 1992 is shown in the line chart. Overall, it is really important to bear in mind that the female proportion broke the record as the highest one over the timeframe. What's more, both figures performed as similar pattern.  
  
By 1992, the number of female graduates in Canada had roughly been 100,000 which was significantly popular than other. In 1998, the figure for female graduates went up steadily to the same level after slightly increase in year before. By contrast, the male Canadian learners graduating numbered just 70,000 in the beginning of this year. It then remained relatively stable at roughly 70,000 in 1998.  
  
According to the graph, after a slight decrease in 1998, the figure for female graduating in Canadian reached a peak of almost 150.000. However, apart from a brief decline again in 1998, the number of Canadian male graduates increases gradually over the 10 year timescale to finish at just under 100,000.  
  
*
hi nina, these are my thought towards your essay  
  
1. ...graduating in Canada,for a period of 15 years...  
[it would be better if you write 'for a ... period' ]  
2. ~~What's~~what is more, both figures performed ~~as~~a similar pattern.  
[ it is better to avoid what's or don't / can't and write 'what is' 'do not' 'cannot' instead ]  
3. the figure for female graduates went up steadilyto the same levelAS (WHEN) after slightly increase...  
[ it is really went up ? i don't quite understand, 'it went up to the same level' ]  
4. the beginning of ~~this~~the year.  
  
thankyou and good luck
Nina, apart from the above-mentioned feedback related to grammatical range and accuracy, I might say that this essay is well-written and well-developed. You have successfully mentioned all the necessary information that should be presented. One thing that is unfortunate is that you have some repetitive words that can lower your lexical resource score. The usage of "increase and decrease" seems so repetitive. You can just alter them by using "growth/rise/many other synonyms" that are possible .  
  
Also, your writing is quite predictable. Most of them were in active forms. You are suggested to vary your sentence structure in order to reach band 6 or above. If you take a closer look on IELTS writing task 1 band descriptors, you will see "uses variety of complex structures, produces frequent error-free structures, has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors". Those are the necessary points that you need to reach in order to boost your final grade in IELTS writing, particularly task 1.
Recently, Exergin, a company which focus to produce electricity from waste hot water in a wide range of applications, plans to run the first industrial trials of its technology. Exergyn also estimates the heat lost in waste hot water from several sectors such as cargo ships and big factories as equal as energy in Saudi Arabia's oil and gas output. They try to use new material called nitinol which has several usage such as medical equipments, sunglasses and NASA's transportation. They also argue that although a device only improves a less efficiency, but this is free energy we can get. Furthermore, company had spent their time to perfecting the design and the material. They also predict will expand to the geothermal market.
Dioba, your summary is lacking some information. Most notably, the name of the technology that Excergin developed. You neglected to mention the reason for the development of the technology and its other applications if any. Obviously this is a summary essay for a procedural report so a short description of the technology along with how it is executed should have been included in the summary. By the way, the technology cannot improve a "less efficiency" as all technology is developed in order to "improve efficiency" so I think you just made a mistake with your term usage in that instance. The essay speaks of other applications of the technology, but doesn't really indicate how the technology is ideally going to be used in the first place.  
  
Basically, the essay takes bits and pieces of information from all over the report without taking care to actually indicate the importance of certain procedures, descriptions, and keywords. That has weakened the summary ability of this essay and has resulted in a less than stellar and non-informative essay. The reader cannot really understand what the purpose of your summary is because of the lack of proper information within the written text.
Hi Dioba,  
At first glance, I can see that your summary suffers from subject-verb agreement errors. Let's take a closer look in the detailed analysis below.  
  
- Recently, Exergin, **a company** which focusES to produce electricity..., first industrial trials ~~of its~~by using/utilizing this new technology.  
- ... ships and big factories will/is going to be as equal as energy in ...  
- ... nitinol which has several usages such as medical equipment~~s~~ , sunglasses and ...  
- ... although a device only ~~improves a~~has less ~~efficiency~~efficient improvement , ~~but~~ this is the free energy that we can possibly get.  
- Furthermore, company ~~had~~has spent their time to perfect~~ing~~ the design ...  
- They also predict that it will expand to ...  
  
Hope this helps :)