dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## prison as the best solution for crime?

  
  
Nowadays, the number of offenders is increasing higher and higher. In the face of rising crime rates, prison have been chosen as the best solution at the present time. Beside that some others think there is other effective ways to deal with them. Personally, I partly agree with the opinion.  
  
- At first, the cost of raising a criminal is very high and with such a high crime rate it will cause a huge shortfall for the state budget. Instead of that, criminals can do voluntary works to help people in public. The government uses taxpayer's money to pay for police, prison guard, and other expenses needed to manage prisoners so prisoners have to work for them to help society.  
  
- Truly, prisoners can go out to do voluntary works for society but we can't deny the danger that some criminals can cause harm to society. They are a very serious threat when they come into contact with the outside world and they really need to be detained completely to avoid hurting any other innocent people.  
  
At the end this discussion, I completely agree that we have many other effective solutions to deal with them. On the other hand, we must have the test and make sure that nothing is going to happen to achieve the best effect.
Hello, you need to write more than 216 words, try to aim 260 in your mind. I could not see the reason or discussion on what you partial agree that prison is the best solution. I see you are against the topic. this would affect your task achievement. the third paragraph can be used if your position is opposing, disagree but it needs a rephrase. try to follow the structure for a paragraph using a topic sentence, support sentence and then elaborate or give an example. good luck.
I'm not sure why 260 words is the golden mark but this response is way too short. Your argument lacks any sound reasoning or explanations. You need to provide evidence to back your claims and also attempt to refute the potential counter arguments. You claim prison is the best solution for crime. I can argue that longer incarceration times will create criminals who are detached from society and more likely to repeat offenses when released. I claim a better solution is lower incarcerations and a focus on rehabilitation will reduce crime. What can you say to counter that?  
  
"At first, the cost of raising a criminal is ..." the unintended irony in this line. No one intentionally raises criminals. "The cost to house a criminal..." makes more sense here. The point of this line is criminals are expensive so have them give back to the community to make up the cost. Provide examples or reason for this claim.  
  
Next you state that criminals are too dangerous to actually go out and do the community service they owe society. So whats your solution? Thats also a bold claim. Tax evaders and shop lifters don't scream psychopath to me. Support the statement and give evidence.  
  
Without any other information about the prompt, I say this paper needs to be given way more thought and effort. This comes across as a vague outline.
intro only please advise .... ive been struggling with my introductions- attempting to take the cbest again!  
  
## The impact of computers presence at schools

  
  
*Every year, more and more computers are used for instruction. Is this good or bad? Discuss and explain your opinion on the growing use of computer-assisted instruction in the classroom. Support your opinion with specific examples from your personal experience, readings, or general knowledge.*  
  
P1- As technology advances our society is continuously faced with difficult decisions, weather to implement the tech or continue with the current process. Throughout recent years computer assisted instruction within classrooms has significantly increased. As a former student and current parent of two students, I have personally seen the positive impacted computer-assisted instruction has had within the classroom. Computer-assisted instruction offers a dynamic learning experience, allows for greater continuity between teacher and students, and prepares students for the world of tomorrow.  
  
P2- Computers offer a wide range of benefits traditional chalkboards and projectors cannot compete with......
## changes in today's families

  
  
*Topic: In recent years, the family structure has changed, as well as family roles. What are the changes occurring? Do you think these changes are positive or negative?*  
  
These days with the development of society, the structure along with roles of modern families have many differences from the old ones. From my personal perspectives, this ongoing changes are the necessary steps to suit the world.  
  
There are two main switch that can see obviously. First, nuclear families substitute the traditional extended families. Before nuclear family process, many generations lived together in the same roof and shared living costs, food and clothes. Neverless, morden families just include parents and their children so they have a independent live. Second, woman nowadays play a important role in family as equally as man. To be more precise, beside that a husband is a breadwinner, a wife could be involved in the financial stability of family by working fulltime and share the financial burdens. Thus, husbands also take responsibilities for doing housechoice which usually is set as default for wifes.  
  
In addition, I strongly believe that such modifications provide positive effects more than its' drawbacks. By reducing number of people in family, each member has their own space and thus comfortable feeling uplifting when live in home. For instant, parents can work at home without children's distraction and could get the effective results. Moreover, the woman contribution in family is always enormous as well as generous that might be worthy of notice. Therefore, the equal situation is a vital key to recognize the importance of woman.  
  
In conclusion, the arrangement and roles in families is the most apparent changes in today's families. Due to all the data, such changes have been benefical for all the members of families.
Trinh, your essay is severely under developed in terms of proper discussion. Your prompt paraphrase is incomplete and your vocabulary is terribly problematic in this essay. You are using plural word forms where you should be using singular forms (perspectives = perspective, live = lives) and you try to present too much information per paragraph so that the presentations remain under developed.  
  
The clarity of your explanation is very important in the scoring process under the C&C considerations. Without a clear explanation, your score will suffer. The problematic sentence structures stemming from the misuse of plural forms and incorrect sentence presentations pull down your GRA score. Improper vocabulary use (morden = modern) also cause major scoring concerns.  
  
While this is a decent attempt at writing a Task 2 essay, you cannot get a passing score of note with this essay. You need to learn how to write proper simple English sentences, use the correct vocabulary, learn proper English spelling for words, and build your explanations instead of just presenting discussion topics without proper reasoning development. These all combined in this essay to create a highly problematic written presentation. Please try to avoid these problems in the future by practicing and developing your English writing skills a lot more. You can use language apps or formal English classes to help you with your language problem.
Hi guys! I am new user. I wanna practice my writing skills. If I am wrong correct me  
  
## describing professors from my university

  
  
During my student's life at Fatoni University, I had many teachers. Some of them were good while some were bad. In my first year student, I thought I found someone who could be my best teacher. She is an Arabic teacher and teaches me about Arabic course. She is single. She has a good shape, black eyes, an oval face, light, and smooth skin. What makes her amazing is her big shiny black eyes and she has the kindest eyes that I have ever seen. My best teacher is someone who walks into my life without any expectation or returns for me. She always helps me when I have a problem with her course because I am not good in the Arabic language, but she patients and try hard to make me more understand about the Arabic language. She is like my sister because she always pays attention to me and always asks me about the study. She loves to bake cakes and cookies. This is sound so much more interesting about her. She learned baked cakes and cookies with herself, by practice and watching from Internet and YouTube. She always bakes a chocolate cake give to students, her chocolate cake it tastes like a piece of chocolate heaven. It melts in your mouth with a delicious warming sensation. Lastly, overall this is the best teacher I have ever seen in my life.  
  
👉🏻 Correct me if I am wrong
During my ~~student's~~ student life  
In my first year ~~student~~, I thought...be my ~~best~~ favourite teacher  
... teaches me ~~about~~  the Arabic ~~course~~ language  
... black eyes - ~~and she has~~  the kindest ...  
My ~~best~~ favorite teacher ... life without ~~any expectation or returns for me~~  
... because I ~~am not good in~~ struggle with the Arabic language, but she ~~patients~~ is very patient  
  
~~try~~ tries hard to ~~make~~  help me ~~more~~ better understand ...  
She learned HOW TO bake cakes and cookies ~~with herself~~ by watching ...
Afnan, this presentation is asking you to describe someone from your past. Therefore you should be using the past presentation for all your reference points in the essay, not the present. In addition to that, you have to familiarize yourself with word formations. Student with an apostrophe S is different from students without the apostrophe S or student without the apostrophe S. The apostrophe S in the word "Student's" describes ownership while "students" refers to the plural form of the singular "student". You were a student at the time so no apostrophe S or additional S at the end.  
  
Learn to use paragraphs instead of a straight single paragraph presentation. Using paragraphs allows the reader to read the text in an easier format. It also gives you more room for the descriptive process and allows for a fuller discussion or presentation of the given topic.  
  
Not a bad attempt at descriptive writing though. It's definitely descriptive and imaginative. I would say you have potential when it comes to this type of writing.
Hi everyone,  
Please check out my essay and give me some advice. Please feel free to give corrections, I would more appreciate it if you score my essay. I am really thankful for all of you who help me improve my IELTS writing skills.  
  
The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.  
  
## TASK1 - Australian energy household

  
  
Generally, the two biggest usages of household energy use are heating and water heating, while water heating and other appliance both play pig role in greenhouse gas emissions.  
  
We can see from the fist pie chart that in terms of energy use, heating accounts for the highest percentage in the six terms, which is 42%, and water heating occupies the second place at 30%. Although the percentage of refrigeration (7%) is smaller than other appliance (15%), it is still lower than the two percentage, cooling (2%) and lighting (4%). The percentage of cooling is the smallest that the percentage of heating is 21 times bigger than it.  
  
On the other hand, the percentage of water heating plays the biggest part (32%) on the chart for greenhouse gas emission. Other appliance ranks the second position in the six aspects, which is followed by heating (15%) and refrigeration (14%). Cooling remains the smallest percentage (3%), and its percentage is much lower than lighting (8%). It is obvious that only in terms of heating, the percentage of energy use is bigger than greenhouse gas emissions, while the other five aspects have smaller percentages of energy use than greenhouse gas emissions  
  
*
Ronia, the Task 1 essay always scores its best when the essay is presented in 4 paragraphs with 3-5 sentences each. The proper paragraph presentation is:  
  
Par. 1 - Summary overview with trending statement  
Par. 2 - Analysis set 1  
Par. 3 - Analysis set 2  
Par. 4 - Comparison analysis  
  
Your essay kicked off with a trending statement but no summary overview. The summary overview should indicate:  
1. Topic sentence  
2. Type of illustration  
3. Measurements used  
4. Analysis instruction  
5. Trending statement  
  
The presentation you used is not totally clear when one considers the actual presentation requirements per paragraph or analysis per paragraph. It would be best for you not to present the actual information from the pie chart in a parenthesis. A parenthesis often refers to optional or clarification information which a task 1 essay never contains. All of the information is required in the presentation and relevant. Therefore, the numerical information should be presented as a part of the sentence presentation rather than in parenthesis.  
  
What I would like to commend you on is your presentation. You analyzed the information from the pie chart in a n acceptable manner that could use improvement. Your grasp of the English language is intermediate in presentation which helped you create acceptable moderately complex sentences. Good job! I look forward to reading your next practice test.
Hi, here are my suggestions:  
  
... aim was to experience and explore a building industry exhibition that was held  
  
Firstly, based on our previously planned appointment, almost all of  
  
...front of the entrance at 10:00 am.  
  
... gave us some tips to ensure our having a  
  
... as a sample to search for suitable materials for his current  
  
After entering the hall, our tickets ..., and some leaflets were handed out to guide us.  
  
... categorized by different colors, each showing the main features and major activity of that area.  
  
The brochure was not clear  
  
information would have helped me more, ... desk I was able to find my target destinations easily.  
  
On the way, I was able to get a more tangible sense of the different building materials and could see ... of piping systems which are especially  
  
... there were several companies/products which seem to be more worthy of further explanation:  
  
This company displayed a prominent ... system meant to decrease the risk of water leakage. This is important, since the leaks  
  
This also can lead to a build up of mold just ... causes respiratory distress, asthma  
  
... practical application that can allow the user to monitor the sensors via your cell phone  
  
This is a Finnish subsidiary company ... of aparent company from Germany.  
  
distinguishing system capable of finding a small hole even the size of a small pin on a roof, ... whole ceiling in order to find the leak and restore the roof  
  
and prevent excessive use of oil-based materials such as asphalt to restore existing roofs as well as the concurrent disposal of waste . Despite their good and tangible presentation, the lack of English speakers among their employees impeded my attempts to go further  
  
... in the field of faucets explained their  
  
... around 3.5 liters/min. Based on the explanation ... of the wisest choices in swimming pools and hotels, since the water consumption in these applications does matter.  
  
... and the personnel at the booths were ... very well. Last but not least facility ... services in the ~~upcoming~~ future. {this last part was unclear to me}
## University Graduates, Canada

  
  
The illustrated line graph provides the data concerning on the numbers of males and females who graduated in university in Canada in the beginning of 1992 to 2006. At the first glance, it can be seen that females had the huge numbers of graduates rather than males, whereas both increased moderately among 15 years period between the year of 1992 and 2007.  
  
In 1992, the proportion of female graduates were likely to be higher roughly 97,000 than males which were around 5 times larger. Even though it climbed markedly in three years later, it was a noticeably decline over the next 3 years between 1995 and 1998. Yet it went up substantially again until 2007, and it reached at the highest quantity for the remainder of the period.  
  
Apart from this change, the number of male graduates had a steady rise approximately 75.000 over 1995, yet it dropped moderately over three years, and it fluctuated until 2001. Surprisingly, it had an upward trend which reached at 95.000 indicate as the highest level of male graduates in the end of the period.  
  
By. Nella Tewu  
  
*
Hi, Nella!  
Is it an essay for IELTS Writing Part 1? Looks like that. If so, you are not supposed to use such words as 'surprisingly' because you don't need to interpret the data.  
  
I've spotted the following mistakes which are easy to correct: 'concerning ~~on~~ the'; 'Canada ~~in~~  **at** the beginning' ; ' it was a noticeabl~~y~~**e** decline'; 'reached ~~at~~ the highest'. (but there are also more complicated ones concerning sentence structures).
Some people think modern technology is making people more sociable while others think that real life interaction is better.  
Discuss both views and give your opinion.  
  
## social interaction switch from real to virtual world

  
  
Nowadays people started to switch their social interaction from real world to virtual world, which have impacted the way we socialize with each other.  
First of all, technology began to create social virtual platforms for people to communicate and exchange information rapidly. By interacting with persons all around the world in one second, virtual social networks started to be more effective and easier to use. However, real-world social life is practical in the side of effectiveness and time managing, for example, if I want to ask the boss to clarify the new project for me, I will easily call him and ask him. Scientifically speaking, a research paper published in Harvard University's press shows that 90% of worker choose email to talk with their partener rather than real life communication. In conclusion, technology started to make us more close to each other, and makes the social interaction faster.  
  
Secondly, real life social interaction is fruitful in the level of human contact, which means, when we go outside and talk to people, friends or family, we are creating a deep social link with other. Moreover, Taking in mind that a huge part of our communication in nonverbal, real human interaction is more powerful because it makes us understand and feel each other deeply. Furthermore, researchers suggest that a strong social network provide us with a healthy relationships, which strongly makes our life longer by making us more and more happier.  
  
In my opinion, I feel that healthy life matters. Real social interaction makes us more sociable and strongly connected with each other.  
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I would like to inform that this is my first time practicing for IELTS test. Please, it would be helpful if you can mark my essay to let me see how much work i need to get my target score, which is 6.5-7
Hicham, I am sad to tell you this but your score for this essay cannot be more than a 2. Let us get one thing straight here, writing a lot of words, but not really discussing the prompt in the correct manner in your response essay will never result in a passing score. In order to pass, you need to accomplish two things. First, you need to respond to the given prompt properly and second, you need to write between 250-300 words in order to maximize your scoring potential. However, if you get the first part wrong, there is absolutely no way you will pass the test.  
  
You should not have used personal pronouns for the public discussion in this essay. You could have used the term "we" as you did in some instances, but then, you also used the term "I" which would have only been appropriate when discussing your personal opinion. Using second and third person pronouns work best when discussing the public point of view.  
  
Before that though, the biggest mistake in your presentation is the prompt paraphrase. You did not even try to paraphrase the original discussion nor offer a personal version of the instructions. Instead, you simply launched into the wrong discussion format for this essay. A proper paraphrase for this essay would have been:  
  
*We now live in a society where modern technology has become the basis of the people's social lives. There is a belief that people are more sociable because of the available technology. Yet, there are some who still believe in the old school ways of real life interaction and consider it a better form of meeting people. In order for me to assess which of these two points of view I support, I will need to first, discuss the reasons behind the two differing points of view.*  
  
Your paragraphs are full of run-on sentences. You concluded the discussion in the second paragraph when that term should only be used in the final paragraph to signify the concluding summary, which by the way, does not exist in your essay. That makes 2 reasons for your failed TA score. Your paragraphs are not really cohesive nor coherent because you are just talking about so many differing points without really making a real point nor offering proper supporting explanations for it. These essays are limited to one topic per paragraph composed of 3-5 sentences. The paragraph should have the following:  
  
1. Topic sentence  
2. Reasoning sentence  
3. Supporting information  
4. Example  
5. Transition sentence for the next paragraph topic  
  
As you can see, this is a very error filled first attempt at writing the Task 2 essay. I haven't even began to dig into your C&C and GRA issues, plus some LR situations in your essay. These specific problems that I have mentioned will be the major reason that your essay fails in an actual setting though so you should take note it. Read the sample Task 2 essays here in order to get a better idea as to how you can approach the Task 2 essay writing situations. Those samples have mistakes also but I have given instructions to the writers as to how to improve their writing so you should be able to improve your essay writing based on the lessons stemming from their mistakes.
Hi, I found out that your main problem is the structure of your essay. I'm now also preparing for the IELTS exam, and I want to share you some ways I use for practicing my writing skills, which I consider useful.  
  
Do mind mapping before you start to write the essay, you can hardly write off topic after mind map. Mind mapping contains arguments, reasons, and examples. Also, I think it's better to write down your topic sentence first, it will be much easier for you to have a proper structure.