dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## IELTS Writing Task 2 - socialize online

  
  
Nowadays, more people are choosing to socialize online rather than face to face. Is this a positive or negative development?  
  
It is now becoming a trend that people prefer to meet virtually instead of physically. In my opinion, this will lead to a negative development which can cause to several negative impacts in the future.  
  
The main reason people should not meet virtually is that they will lack of social activities that often seen beneficial for one's development. For instance, children at young age need to socialize in order to practice their emotional intelligence and also get to know about the real world. When children socialize virtually, they tend not to pay attention of what is happening and they also do not have ability to stay focus in front of a gadget for a long period of time.  
  
Another reason is that socializing in person allows people to freely socialize and express their ideas or opinions out there. Furthermore, it is often perceived that face to face socialization helps people get rid of boredom and become happier as they will be laughing or joking during the socializing. Unlike online socializing, people can only exchange information but can not express feeling much which often make them feel isolated.  
  
Besides, socializing online often leads people to confusion and misunderstanding. This is due to people have their own way of delivering and receiving information. Furthermore, the misunderstanding can also cause to manipulative information or hoax that will bring disadvantage to certain group of people.  
  
To conclude, socializing online is not as positive as socializing face to face and result in several negative impact to the people. It is better for people to socialize in person instead.
The essay is long enough but not within the correct number of paragraphs for this discussion. Since this is a single opinion presentation, it falls under the 4 paragraph presentation format:  
  
1 prompt restatement + paraphrase  
2 reasoning paragraphs  
1 reverse paraphrase conclusion  
  
Therefore, this essay is overpresented by one paragraph. A score is provided for the way that the discussion is presented. You must learn to differentiate between the paragraph discussion types and provide only the appropriate number of reasoning paragraphs for each. Do not be overeager to write. Write too many words and you open yourself up to more accidental deductions. These deductions will then be due to the lack of proper proofreading and editing of your work. You need perfect presentations, not long presentations.
***Schools are no longer necessary because children can get so much information available through the Internet, and they can study just as well at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?***  
  
There is no denying that with the wealth of information available on the Internet, students can study by themselves at home just as effectively they do at school, and therefore some people believe that schools are not needed anymore. To some extent, I agree that students can study well at home with the help of the Internet, I feel that schools still play a vital role in our society and cannot be replaced no matter what.  
  
On the one hand, the opinion to learning from the Internet is attractive for several reasons. First and foremost, most of which are either free or affordable for almost everywhere. One great way is from online newspaper and video websites such as National Geographic, Youtube, Khan Academic ... which offer a wide range of topic areas suitable for people of different ages. Children can gain a great deal of knowledge about history, culture, science and many other areas which they are taught at school. They also can participate in online courses favored by a growing number of youths nowadays. As a result, this type of learning is even more advantageous in the sense that children can flexibly choose to study whatever subjects or topics that they are interested in.  
  
Apart from the benefits above, I believe that formal education is irreplaceable in any society and country. It is true that students can acquire valuable knowledge at home very easily with the help of the Internet, however, the lack of teacher guidance and support is a clear disadvantage of this type of learning. For example, if students want to learn about history, there is a huge range of websites that furnish information about these topics. As a result, they may get confused and face many difficulties when choosing which one to read. Furthermore, knowledge and skills are not the only things to expect from formal school but social relationships and mental development. Children who go to school and establish friendships and can both have fun and improve their learning outcomes.  
  
To draw a conclusion, while there are some benefits to learning from the Internet at home, I am of the opinion that school is irrelevant to children's learning due to the fact that it can significantly increase their understanding as well as social skills.
Your prompt response is not on the mark. You are agreeing with both sides to some degree rather than choosing a single opinion to discuss in an expanded form. You cannot discuss both sides in a single opinion essay. The problem lies in the way that you formed your response. You indicated:  
  
To some extent, I agree that students can study well at home with the help of the Internet, I feel that schools still play a vital role in our society and cannot be replaced no matter what.  
The presentation is incorrect as I explained above. The reference must only be made to the discussion you will be using in your reasoning paragraphs, along with the basic reasoning for it. For example:  
  
*I strongly believe that schools cannot be replaced by the internet based on 2 specific reasons. (Indicate reasons 1 and 2 or 2 topics for discussion)*  
  
Since your reasoning paragraphs are also problematic, I will have to tell you that only the 2nd reasoning paragraph, the one that defends why schools cannot be replaced, will get a scoring consideration. That is because it is the only paragraph that supports the opinion you provided (schools cannot be replaced).  
  
Therefore, this essay will struggle to get a passing score. There are 2 problem areas, as I indicated above, which will lower the scoring basis for the presentation. Remember, when not asked to compare or discuss both views, you are expected to use only the single point of view defense / discussion. Otherwise, the essay will be deemed under developed / under explained, and receive low marks for it based on overall discussion considerations.
## Tourist Information Office - the quantity of questions asked

  
  
[[The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011]]  
I can't upload the image on this post because of its size (too big:(((....). Please, you just need to correct my words, grammar,......, not data. Pleaseeee <3333  
  
The provided line graphs present how many questions the Tourist Information Office received through direct questions, by letter/email, and by telephone during the period of six months in 2011.  
  
Overall, the quantity of questions asked in person and through telephone had an upward trend, while there was a gradual fall in that of enquiries written by letter/email throughout six months. Additionally, the whole period experienced a significant rise in the number of face-to-face questions.  
  
In January, the biggest number of questions was through telephone, standing at about 900, while the figure for questions in person was just over 400. Over the following three months witnessed a slight decline of 100 in the number of enquiries through email. By contrast, the statistic of face-to-face questions went up steadily to 800 in the month of March.  
  
During the period of the next four months, rapid increases were seen in the total number of questions in person and through telephone, to 1900 and 1600 respectively. However, the opposite was true for that of enquiries through email/letter, which dropped significantly to just under 400 in May. After that, it leveled off during the last month of the research period, finishing at the point which was four times lower than the quantity of telephone questions.
Your specific review requirements are not covered by our free review services. Please contact me privately to discuss the review fee in relation to your specific needs.  
  
The data you provide in the summary is incomplete. There is no reference to the 6 month coverage of the material you will be presenting. Aside from an appropriate image reference, you also need to specifically acknowledge the basis of the infomation presentation. Without that reference, the summary overview is incomplete. All you had to indicate was that the information was collated from January through June. Not that difficult to do is it? You also failed to acknowledge the face to face inquiries in the summary, thus making that presentation inaccurate and a highly incomplete summary.  
  
This is as far as the free review goes. My apologies but the users are not allowed to dictate how the free reviews will be conducted.
Hi Mrs Holt! Would you please give feedback for my writing? Thank you!  
  
## IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - HOURS SPENT IN CHESTER

  
  
The bar chart illustrates the amount of hours the teenagers in Chester spend in a week for doing activities between 2002 and 2007.  
  
Overall, the most popular activity among the teenagers was watching the TV. On the other hand, bowling accounted for the lowest amount of hours the teenagers spent. Furthermore, as shown on the figure, other activities were spent at the average.  
  
In 2007, teenagers spent time going to pubs for over 15 hours as the highest. Among all activities, bowling was the least amount of hours spent which only reached slightly above 0 in 2007. Meanwhile, the amount of hours spent on shopping climbed steadily every year and reach its highest at 15 hours in 2007.  
  
In terms of homework, the amount of hours spent dropped every year to its lowest of just over 5 hours in 2007. Similarly, as years went by the teenagers spent less amount hours on sports and the lowest amount was above 0 in 2007. The amount of hours teenagers watching DVDs increased to its peak at below 20 after which decreased to its lowest at 10 hours.  
  
*
Hello, please heed the warning that I sent you privately. You have one more chance with me.  
  
The presentation is well grouped and well developed in terms of information presentation, but only for one year. The comparative analysis is a bit on the short side. You are focused only on the factual reporting of the data with little comparisons provided. Your essay is focused solely on the 2007 data. There is no comparison of the various years provided. You did not mention any of the other years (2002, 2006, etc.). So the comparative discussion can be considered faulty. You are only providing a report of one specific year. A clear comparison based on the years indicated in the chart is missing.  
  
The missing data was caused by the lack of proper grouping in your presentation. Aside from grouping per related activity, you should have also represented the years by group. That means creating a summarized comparison for the years 2002-2004, then 2005-2007 for the grouped activities. By comparing the years by group, you will be able to present a clear comparative analysis of the factual trend for each grouped activity, adding to the clear comparative analysis of the report you presented. Note that your reporting paragraphs focused on 2007 alone. You cannot use the compressed trending statement to replace the group analysis and reporting requirements as that is not based on factual data from the image.
## expenditures on advertising in UK's car companies

  
  
The table illustrates how much money was spent with the aim of advertising in terms of four categories: press, cinema, outdoor, radio and television of four car firms in the UK during 2003. Overall, while the expenditure on TV for advertising was the highest, the lowest can be seen in cinema.  
  
By summing the number of millions of dollars in each row, further insight can be found from the data. Renault came top of the list on account of having the largest volume of money used for advertising, at 132 million dollars. Meanwhile, Rover Vauxhall and Cetirizine invested the same amount of money, precisely 100 million dollars in marketing the products. As can be seen, it is 15 million dollars that four car enterprises allocated on radio.  
  
The marketing strategies of Renault and Rover mainly concentrated on press and TV, when Renault spent 45 million dollars for press, 59 million dollars for TV and Rover paid 38 million dollars for press and 45 million dollars for TV. Meanwhile, Vauxhall and Cetirizine employed television as a dominant way of advertising, at 65 and 75 millions of dollars in turn. On the contrary, the expenditure on cinema incurred the smallest figure. There was 6 and 5 millions of dollars allocated by Renault and Vauxhall on cinema in terms of advertising, whereas there was almost no money spent on by the rest.  
  
*   
*This is a table for wirting*
You should really try to seperate your information presentation for the summary. There is a heavy emphasis on the clarity of your information sharing in this section so individual data sharing per sentence gets a higher consideration than a compressed data presentation. Compare your version with the following:  
  
*A table has been presented comprised of 4 data divisions. There is a data row indicating 4 car companies that pay for advertising. This is followed by 4 columns composed of advertising types. The advertising types which are paid for in the millions of dollars are comprised of press, cinema, outdoor, radio, and TV. Overall, the trend shows the highest spending on TV, while the lowest spending was on cinema advertising.*  
  
Notice how the individualized sentences offer a clearer summary explanation of the presented data. It is concise but complete, and contains a proper trending analysis that basically, delivers a full overview of the given data.  
  
The rest of the report is acceptable but too long. Try to keep the paragraphs concise. While you do stay within the sentence requirement per paragraph, you are not using a summarized form of comparison and analysis reporting so there is a possibility that you will go over the 20 minute writing allowance. Resulting in 226 words being written. That is more than the 200 word advised maximum word count. If you write in the following time allotted manner, you will find that you cannot write more than 200 words.  
  
5 minutes - image analysis  
10 minutes - Comparison analysis and reporting draft writing  
5 minutes - Proof reading and final content writing  
  
The proof reading and final content writing are important because that is when you spot your errors in terms of TA and GRA requirements, allowing you to correct any score lessening problems your essay may have.
I suggest you to separate paragraph 1 into 2 paragraph instead. Probably it should be like this:  
  
The table illustrates how much money was spent with the aim of advertising in terms of four categories: press, cinema, outdoor, radio and television of four car firms in the UK during 2003.  
  
Overall, while the expenditure on TV for advertising was the highest, the lowest can be seen in cine  
  
Paragraph 1 should be the thesis statement which is the paraphrase of the original
## Tourist Information Office in numbers

  
  
The line graphs delineates how many questions were received by the Tourist Information Office in the particular city from January to June in 2011.  
  
Overall, there was an increase in the number of inquiries in person and by telephone received by the Tourist Information Office, while the figure for letters or mails became the less common choice. In addition, the number of queries through letters or emails was generally the lowest figure throughout the given period.  
  
From January to March in 2011, about 950 inquiries in person were received by the Tourist Information Office in January, with subsequent decrease to reach the lowest point at exactly 800 queries in February, and a final progressive increase to 1000 enquiries in March. The figure for r dungletters or mails saw an opposite change, but to a large extent, dropping from 800 inquiries to 700 inquiries in the first three-month period. Meanwhile, the number of enquiries made in person was at just under 800 in January, followed by a significant growth from 800 to 1000 from February to March, surpassing the figure for telephone.  
  
Regarding April to June, the number of queries in person received by the Tourist Information Office started at approximately 900 queries, after which it experienced a dramatic rise to 1400 in May, before ending the period at roughly 1600. Opposite changes can be seen in the figure for emails or letters, which decreased from 500 to 390 from April to June. Meanwhile, the number of inquiries made in person was at just under 1300 in April, followed by a significant increase from 1600 to 1800 during the last three-month period.  
  
*
Remember that the time limit for this writing task is 20 minutes and the word count is between 175-200 words for maximum scoring potential. You wrote 273 words, a word count and essay presentation more suitable to a task 2 essay that has a 250 minimum word count and 40 minutes for the writing task. This essay is overwritten and cannot be completed within the time allowance during an actual test. This is the first and foremost problem with this presentation. You need to keep your 3 paragraph presentation short, summarized, but analyzed. Practice writing without over extending the presentation using filler words. Shorten the sentences. Focus on short analytical presentations so as not to overwrite and, in the process, run out of writing time.  
  
I will end my review at this point. I do not believe that it will be fair to assess your work when it does not fall within the correct word count requirement. I have to be fair in judging your work. I can only do that if you provide the correct writing format for this task.
## *In many cities, the use of video cameras in public places is being increased in order to reduce crime.*

  
**Many people believe that installing CCTV cameras is the best way to prevent crimes from happening. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
There is often an argument that while many people consider CCTV cameras as an effective tool to eliminate illegality, others concern that they can have negative impact on people's privacy. Although it is partly true that video cameras may cause some uncomfort, my opinion is that the advantages of installing them outweigh the disadvantages.  
  
On one hand, there are many benefits of improving security by using CCTV cameras, and cautioning others about surrounding dangers is one of them. They can warn people if there are any unusual actions or suspicious individuals nearby, so everyone can take necessary measures to prevent their properties or even their lives. Moreover, because many crimes when realizing that they are followed by these devices also have to give up their illegal thinking, a lot of dangerous cases are not permitted to happen. Another advantage of installing video cameras in public places is that they can provide accurate evidences of criminal cases, since they can record images or videos with specific dates. These cameras also play an important role in supporting police to find out and arrest culprits.  
  
On the other hand, security cameras may bring some negative effects that need to be considered. Firstly, it is undeniable that installing these equipments in public places can immediately affect individual's privacy, regardless whether they are relevant to cases. Many people often feel uncomfortable to be observed and recorded by these devices. Besides this, setting up CCTV devices cannot completely protect people's safety as there are still some offenders successfully escaped from police. Someone also suggests other effective methods to prevent themselves including alarm bells and patrolmen, and think that using video recorders in public places is not too essential and compulsory.  
  
In conclusion, even though using video cameras in public areas can make people feel inconvenient, my belief is that we can receive many more benefits than drawbacks from them.
This essay failed to provide a correct restatement + opinion paragraph. It has already failed the test based on 2 reasons:  
  
- incorrect restatement  
- inapplicable discussion presentation / wrong response foremat.  
  
Let me show you your errors so that you can better understand why this is a failing essay based on the TA requirements:  
  
Original Topic: In many cities, the use of video cameras ... in order to reduce crime.  
Your Topic: There is often an argument ...effective tool to eliminate illegality  
Incorrect Aspect: The reference to an argument, when the topic was not based on an argument but an idea.  
  
Original Discussion Question: To what extent ...  
Your Response: my opinion is that the advantages of installing them outweigh the disadvantages.  
Incorrect Aspect: Changing the discussion from an extent response (agree or disagree) to an advantage v. disadvantage consideration. This is a clear prompt alteration that made the response format incorrect.  
  
Result: Failing TA score  
  
The discussion went from a single opinion defense to a comparative discussion as well. Thus creating an error in the reasoning response presentation as well. The overall essay does not have a single correct or applicable discussion consideration, presentation, or reasoning attached to it. The examiner can only score this based on a non-related response scenario, resulting in a failing task score.
I wish I could get a deeper understanding  
What exactly is your current job? Use that current job reference as the platform for your interest in the announcement by the government, then relate it directly to the course as being the moving factor for you based on reasons that you will be discussing throughout the essay.  
  
Work less on your academic experience under the first course. Summarize that. Since you are applying for a masters course, your current job requirements should be the basis of your interest in the course. Your skills development lacks a more effective presentation and discussion. This aspect will be of high importance to your application since it should explain how your current job has prepared you to accomplish the masters course requirements and also, helps the reviewer assess if you have any unique exposure or professional qualities that could add to the other students learning experience by having you participate in the class.  
  
Right now, the essay does not connect effectively in terms of applicant skills considerations. Maybe because you are too focused on using the undergraduate course as your qualifier when it should be work exposure, professional needs, and future trends that should be the driving force of your application. You need to also, relate more to the subjects and university in relation to your learning needs.