dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Could you please help me to improve my writings and tell me my errors or say your comments about my writing?  
  
Here is my essay based on ETS Official guide to TOEFL practice test 3:  
  
The article and the lecture offer two opposing views on the authenticity of one of Rembrandt painting, which is known as Portrait of an Elderly Woman in a White Bonnet. While the author of the article feels that the painting does not belong to Rembrandt and in fact It was painted by another artist and enumerate three reasons of support, However, the lecturer refutes the point made in the passage and states that although all of the reason given in the passage is true but the painting is one of true Rembrandt's works. And defend her statement by repudiating each of the author's reasons exclusively.  
  
First of all, the reading claims that there is some inconsistency with the way woman's dress or especially her fur collar is depicted in the portrait. Conversely, the professor refutes this point by stating that after extensive examination made on the painting, it shows that the fur collar of the woman was added hundred years later, to give the painting more increased value. She asserts that the painting itself is original in spite of this fact.  
  
In addition, the article posits that there is also some lightening error despite the fact that Rembrandt is famous for being a master of painting light and shadow. However, the professor says that the original painting itself before being changed by adding the fur collar was different in a way the woman had a light column clove instead which in turn support the true lightening of the portrait.  
  
Finally, the text contend that the painting is made on a several pieces of wood despite the most of Rembrandt's work which were made on single wood. The professor opposes this point by expressing that the original painting was made on a single piece of wood but it was changed by the someone else to reflect more antiquity and thus increase in value. We also learn that this painting is truly belong to Rembrandt.
Hey There .....  
These following correction are suggested to you :  
... lecture offer two ~~opposing views~~opposed views on the authenticity ~~of~~ one of Rembrandt paintings (using on of must be followed by noun with plural form) , which is known as ...  
  
... feels that the painting does IS NOTnot belong to Rembrandt (...) one of true Rembrandt's works (You have to cutting down this long sentence because confusing ).  
  
... claims that there ~~is~~ are some ~~inconsistency~~ (inconsistencies) .......  
**Note :  
Bear on your mind about plura-singular form, subject-verb agreement and how to construct complex sentences**  
Good luck  
Best Regard  
Ifan
In the past, most people lived in the small villages. And now people tend to live in the larger cities. However, each style of life experienced a lot of different advantages and disadvantages.  
  
I think there were three main reasons to live in the small villages. Firstly, people lived in there would be beside their family, they had many chances to speak to their relatives, owned a lot of time for caring each other. Secondly, the cost of life in the small villages was pretty cheap. So the inhabitants would not think too much for their living, they did not need to do much for earning money, but still enjoyed their relaxed life. Finally, their children maybe live in a safer enviroment with less society's vices. They would not scare their children getting bad people. And the country enviroment helped them develop their ability safely.  
  
Other, there were too much existing disadvantages. I believe when people grew up in a limited enviroment, they would have less chance for developing themselves. It was too hard for them to get new technology and information. Nextly, people communicated with few people, they could not exchange useful knowlegde, and their brain had less active. However, in my view, the biggest problem was significantly shortage of facility. There were just little facility such as: school, hospital,... So, people usually had a big problem when getting sick; when they were accepted entering universities which were only popular in the big cities; or restriction of instrument experiment, computer; and led to praticing ability was bad, everything just based on theory.  
  
In my oppinion, the advantages of the life in a small village was less than larger city. It was possible to bring the peaceful life to them, but there was too few chance for developing their ability. And people could find out those in the larger cities.
*I think there were three main reasons to live in the small villages. Firstly, people lived in there would be beside their family,*  
  
**why use past tense in your second paragraph ?**  
  
**other suggestions:**  
  
Finally, their children ~~maybe~~ may live in a safer environment with less society's vices.  
... afraid of their children ~~getting~~ encountering bad people. ~~And~~ Living in countryside ~~environment~~ could helped them ~~develop their ability~~ growing up safely.
Hi Vjnhnguyen, your essay is pretty good, only slightly mistakes I found:  
  
I think (for formal writing, it is better to avoid personal statement in the beginning of a paragraph, recommendation as a part of conclusion would be beneficial, though)  
  
Firstly, people lived in there *would be beside their family*:what does it mean??,  
  
Secondly, the cost of life (the cost of life: the living cost) in the small villages was (past tense?? It refers to a fact, it should be Simple Present Tense) pretty cheap.  
  
Thank you. Keep Practicing.
***TASK 2  
Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think might be effective?***  
  
Congestion and air pollution problems will not be over until the government applies the high tax for the people who have private vehicles more than one in order to decrease the number of private vehicles. Although increasing the price of petrol is considered to be a solution for this issue, this essay explains it is not the best way because Indonesia has ever raised the cost of the fuels, but the demand of private cars still increases recently. Finland can be a model country which succeeds in solving these problems.  
  
Most of developing countries face the increasing number of vehicles which is the main cause of traffic jam and air pollution. Indonesia had tried to set the higher cost of petrol which is expected to be a way to reduce the number of private cars. However, it is more likely to be useless since the residents still afford to purchase the private cars even though they have to pay more expensive cost to fulfill the need of petrol.  
  
Apparently, Indonesia must learn very much from Finland. As one of the healthiest countries in the world which has less pollution and traffic jam, Finland defines the high tax for private vehicles for their inhabitants. This regulation makes the alteration in people culture to more utilize the public transport than purchase the new car, so that it contributes to the decrease of traffic jam and air pollution in this country.  
  
The key of success to solve growing traffic and pollution problems is the firmness and the consistency in applying the regulation about high tax for private cars. As long as it is controlled well, it is not impossible that Indonesia can be a country with a new face ―people can get the fresh air every day and the congestion is just a past.
Hi Ashela, as I go through your essay, I must say it is pretty comprehensive, you have all the points covered and you managed to voice out your opinions, about the task at hand and this issue is absolutely pressing these days, it's one of those issues that we face everyday and should be taken cared of, yes, there are a lot of issues to tackle, however, it should take priority as it definitely affects all other areas of our economy.  
  
Moving forward, I have a few suggestions for your essay and for starters, don't forget to include the linking verbs into your sentences, as minor as they are, they complete the sentences and this will have an overall impact to the entire essay.  
  
- applies ~~the high~~higher tax for the people who  
- have more than one private vehicles ~~more than one~~  
- has ~~ever~~ raised the cost of the fuels,  
- but the demand of private cars ~~still increases~~increased recently.  
- Finland can be a model country ~~which succeeds~~that succeeded in solving these problems.  
  
- Most of the developing countries  
- face ~~the~~an increasing number of vehicles  
- had tried to set ~~the~~a higher cost of petrol which  
- useless ~~since~~as the residents still afford to  
- purchase ~~the~~ private cars even though  
- they have to pay ~~more~~ expensive cost to fulfill the need ~~of~~for petrol.  
  
There you have it Ashela, I hope the above remarks are helpful in your revision and I hope you follow through and try or practice editing the essay yourself.
**Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
What other measures do you think might be effective?**  
  
Traffic and pollution have been becoming problem in every country, this makes government to decide with increasing the cost of gasoline as a problem solving. I disagree with this idea, in my opinion it could not cover to this dilemma because if the charge of gas increases, so the price of public transportation is also follow to this situation or either, and this is still problem not solution.  
  
First of all, the target of the trouble makers is vehicles, it is more effective if the owners of cars can feel the punishment related to this problem, even as we know that nowadays rapidly of used cars continuous to grow in the world. Even in the developing country like Indonesia is very fast to buy and to use private cars. The terrible of them, they do not care if it can be harmful in environmental affairs.  
  
Then, when the price of gas will increase, it is more giving impact to others who do not use cars private but still needs activity by public transport. For example, the middle class people are almost every day to travel in workplace, and they have to pay with high price if the policy of increasing petrol would be held later. The more severe is when the price of oil increase in intensify, it can create shock of goods high price tag also.  
  
To be effective in this predicament is better if the tax of private cars would be increased than the price of petrol. It would be the excellent solution since going to directly for people who have contributed in fumes than all people in generally which did not or at least only minim to donate of contamination.  
  
In conclusion, as far as it feels less worth it for generally people in kind of situation, so this is not the best key to conclude of problems.
**Draw your future and control your life**  
  
Speaker of TED talked, not only active people who can draw the good dream, but also solitary as well. Leading your life design and get up from grave illness to the real life. Recently, most people in the world do not know what the aims of they do, approximately 40% people who know about purpose of their life. The speaker said, decided the best ways you should try to create your own vision with picture, because picture can be creating movement, not only that but also the picture can touch your heart.  
  
For illustrates, the speaker created two pictures these were curent state and desired new reality, John had lovely wife and a lot of money but in the behind john does not felt happy because john had negative bos and any problem. Based on the picture john is in the current state, to get the best life john must be move to the new reality. After jo moved to the new reality he had new job, kind boss and jo had new children as well, not only that, but also john get new home, more conection and felt freedom.  
  
What kind step to get success like john? The speaker explained, these were, the first is see it, the second is believe it and the last is action it. We have good brain and good imagination, so we should use it to get good life, strugle, get up and action every day.
Bambang, the way you express your idea in the above writing is good and well-written. The flow of the ideas is closely related with each other as well. One thing that i would like to remind you is to be careful with using punctuation mark. There are some misuses of punctuation mark in the above essay as follows:  
  
- Speaker of TED talked~~,~~that not only active (...) the good dream~~,~~ but also solitary as well.  
- ... what the aims of they do~~,~~and only approximately 40% of people who know about the purpose of their life.  
- ~~The speaker said, decided the best ways~~ You should try to create your own vision with pictures to decide which way is the best to you~~,~~. This because picture can ~~be creating movement, not only that but also the picture can~~encourage people to do something and touch your heart.  
  
- For ~~illustrates~~examples ,...  
  
In addition, please pay attention to the capitalization as well. The first letter in the name of people should be capitalized. This may look a minor problem but this can greatly affect one's writing, especially leaving certain impressions for the readers. Good luck with your next practice!
**Writing IELTS Task 1 - The Stages of Cement and Concrete Production**  
  
The process how to produce cement and concrete as the material of buildings are presented in the diagrams. As seen, there are five stages to process the raw materials into the commercial cement ―crushing, mixing, heating, grinding, and packaging. This is more complex than the concrete production as it only needs a mixing step by adding several materials using in accurate composition in which gravel is the most material needed.  
  
The stages of cement production are started from the crushing process while the limestone and the clay are pooled into the crushing machine until it becomes the powder. After that, the powder enters into the mixer and next it passes through the channel to get in the rotating heater. Finishing the heating process, the powder has to be grinded so that it becomes the cement which is ready to be packaged.  
  
If cement will be used for building purposes, it needs additional materials to produce the concrete. As much as 50% gravel (small stones), 25% sand, 15% cement, and 10% water are mixed into the rotating concrete mixer to make it ready to use.  
  
*
A breakdown of how cement is manufactured and its utilization for building constructions is presented in the graphs. Overall, it is immediately apparent that the cement has to pass through three complicated stages before packaging in the bags. Meanwhile, there are four main material mixed straightforward in order to produce concrete.  
  
Firstly, the raw materials consist of limestone and clay which are mixed together and then it is crushed so as to produce powder. Once the powder has been mixed in the tube mixer, it enters the rotating heater and was heated by heat at the edge of the long tube. Afterwards, it is ground which results in cement. Having packaged in the bag, the cement is ready to sell.  
  
To make concrete, the majority of this composition is a half consisting of gravel and a quarter of sand which are poured into a concrete mixer. Then, 15 percent of cement and 10 percent of water are added to the mixture. Finally, all of the materials are mixed clockwise in the concrete mixer.  
  
*
Hello Llmi,  
i liked your essay, you interpreted diagrams using appropriate linking words, BUT if you use the word "firstly" it should be followed by "secondly".  
  
There are two diagrams and NOT graphs. Do not forget about the sequence of tenses:  
  
-... it enters the rotating heater and ~~was~~is heated by heat at ...  
-For concrete production, all the elements are mixed all together at the same time, and NOT successively as you said.  
  
Bye.
WRITING TASK 2  
  
**Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
What other measures do you think might be effective?**  
  
Some of countries have a strict regulation about petroleum by adding the price into the maximum so it can reduce the environment problems created on the road such as congestion and pollution. I argue that is not the best solution, I believe there are more thing that the government can do by creating more public transportation with the cheap tickets and merge both of the solutions.  
  
When the petrol price is on its highest level, citizens have a tendency to reduce using private vehicles. Some of them will think about the expenditure they should spend if they push themselves to used it. In 2013, professor Murphy Mc Gonagal from University of California conduct a research in Singapore by collaborating with Nan yang Technology University has a predicable result as the number of car usage decrease to 25 percent in a five-year period. Despite this, increasing the price only affect a small change. If a country want to move bigger on changing people behavior to solve road problems they should follow lecturer from Ohio University, Mr. Brian Chen, who suggests high risk pollution countries to integrate at least two policies and not only focus on one policy.  
  
The government need to produce policies which can support each other so the traffic and pollution can taking a nosedive. If a country have integrated policies, such arrange more mass public transportation in which the ticket price is easy to catch up by the mid-lower family income then increasing petrol price will success to move people from the road. So, congestion and gas emission from vehicles can be solved. London is a great example for city where the policies are success to reduce emission and traffic jam to under 15 percent as the city won the Global Green Policies Initiative in 2015.  
  
To sum up , I claim that rising the petroleum price is not the best way, but if it being combined with other policy, in this case is building more transportation which can be used by all range group of citizens - classified by income.
Hi,dinartika19,here are my thoughts.Hope that wil help you.  
  
==>Some ~~of~~ countries have a strict ... For example, some countries keep raising the price of petrol in order to reduce the environmental problems such as congestion and pollution.  
  
==>I would argue that it might not be~~is not~~ the best solutionI ~~believe~~becasue there are ~~more~~many other things that the government can do. by creating more public transportation with the cheap tickets and merge both of the solutions.(Actually I don't understand what do you mean. Do you mean the government could make public transportation cheaper so people are more willing to travel by public transportations?  
  
==>Indeed, when the ~~petrol price~~the price of petrol is on its highest level(It is hard to tell when is its highest price so I think you can vary the word "highest" with other words）, citizens have a tendency to ...  
  
==>Some of them will think about the expenditure ... (I think it will be better if you organise your sentences relate with each other by using words like "therefore", "because")  
  
- ... University of California conducted a research in Singapore by ...  
In 2013,professor Murphy Mc Gonagal from the University of California collaborating with the Nan yang Technology University had conducted a research. According to the result of the research, they predicted that the number of car usage would decrease to 25 percent in 5 years.  
  
Despite this, increasing the price ~~only affect~~ may only make a slight change. If a country wants to ~~move bigger on changing people's behavior to solve road problems,~~change people's behaviour, and therefore to make greater progress in solving environmental problems, they should follow Mr. Brian Chen, a lecturer from Ohio University, who suggests countries with serious pollution to ~~integrate~~modify?introduce? at least two policies ~~and~~but not only focus on one policy.  
  
Keep writing!
**Plant Life in the Taklimakan Desert**  
  
The Taklimakan Desert is one of the most extreme environment(s) on Earth, which has rare rainfall, violent sandstorms and the temperature change up to 20oC (68oF) every day. It is located in Northwestern China and had a wide size about 337,600 square kilometres (130,300 square miles).  
  
There are several plants species thrive freely in the Taklimakan Desert. 85% of The Taklimakan Desert are covered by 250 meter3 high sand dunes and transform constantly between the open desert and oasis. This condition forces all the plants to adapt well.  
  
There are three Taklimakan plants: Populus euphratica, Tamarix ramosissima, and Alhagi sparsifolia which can upstand strongly to confront scorching summer, frigid winter, drought, and high salt concentration. They have been adapting well by recovering their condition quickly. They perform divergent profile vegetation that has a unique mechanism to survive. The plants are attracting water as much as they can and minimising evaporation at the same time.  
  
Populus eupharatica, The Euphrates poplar, struggle by having a long root system that can reach water miles away. This plant only opens the stomata while photosynthesis at the day, aiming to reduce moisture loss.  
  
P. euphratica may face high-level of salt in the soil. Unlimited salt concentration through the root to the stem and enter into the leaves. The plant produces a large number and volume of its cells to dilute the salt.  
  
Tamarix ramosissima usually called tamarisk or salt cedar is a small tree with small, sharp leaves. Tamarisk absorbs a huge amount of water by a far-reaching root system that has a double size of the upper plant. Tamarisk manages their decisive time to close and open the stomata to prevent evaporation.  
  
As a salt-tolerant plant, Tamarisk also produces its own salt that will be collected in special glands between leaves and then release onto life surface. Leaves falling down to the ground could affect the soil more saline.  
  
Alhagi sparsifolia is a spiny shrub has a tiny root which can reach water down deeper than the others. A. sparsifolia does a hydraulic conductance system to bring up the groundwater.  
  
Even though desert plant could survive around the extreme condition, they need some help to preserve their sand dunes to be stable, avoiding erosion, presenting a barrier to sandstorm and protecting biodiversity.
Nowadays, technology made big change entire human life. It used rapidly and computer involved by scientist to create more innovation. For example computer program able to assist Bacteria to detect cancer inside human body. An explanation from researcher, Tal Danino said that bacteria can help human to detect cancer even another disease. He developed a software where it can write algorithm DNA inside the Bacteria. This program can communicate with Bacteria molecule. The method was bacteria synchronize together and then grew up as a colony. Then, the program assisted the colony to spread out to detect disease that phenomena he called a supernova. Interestingly his program Bacteria grew naturally in human body and sent signal to the machine and the detect cancer or treat. It will be benefit to detect cancer and other disease in the future. His vision has technology can support in human life.  
  
Source: TED, Tal Danino