dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***Some people prefer to live in a house, while others think that there are more advantages living in an apartment.***  
## Do the drawbacks of living in a house outweigh the benefits?

  
  
It is unequivocal that nowadays, various people have been facing the dilemma of whether they should opt to reside in apartments or tip in favor of living in houses. While the benefits of staying in houses are valid to a certain extent, I am firmly of the opinion that the drawbacks are greater.  
  
On the one hand, there are a host of underlying rationales why dwelling in separate houses could be highly beneficial. One of the key advantages is that owners could have their own personal privacy. For instance, they can renovate the architectural design of their houses, decorate their own preferential styles, enjoy full freedom and their own hobbies, which do not create any disturbances to their neighbors. As a result, these individualized spaces would be somewhat convenient for them, enable them to be truly freshened up. Another significant benefit is that it is far much safer to live in landed houses. Being notorious for devastating tsunamis, Japan profoundly exemplifies this situation. Due to the fact that houses are connected directly with the efficient physical transport system, it is less in peril for Japanese detached houses' owners who can escape from their house with ease than those who reside in high-rise buildings.  
  
On the other hand, I would argue that the advantages of living in a separate house pale in comparison with the disadvantages. Firstly, in spite of the aforementioned safety, these landed houses are alarmingly unsecured. Even though several privileged houses could be well-equipped with private-owned surveillance cameras, this so-called security system is not actually adequate because of the lack of trained security guards available surrounding houses, which could breed burglary, conflagration, and other serious issues. Compared to apartmental conditions, not only do the condominium complexes have professional security officers but each household is also given anti-theft key cards, which is more secured for dwellers. The second drawback that should be taken into consideration is that it takes more time for the house owners to do the cleaning. This is in terms of the fact that a house is more commodious than an apartment. Busy people who find it impossible to spend much time doing the housework would realize that independent houses are not their most ultimate selection when an apartment requires less time to tidy up.  
  
In conclusion, despite several evident benefits that living in a house has, it seems to me that they are dwarfed in comparison with the potential problems.
Your essay does not flow naturally. The word "unequivocal" does not fit the statement you wrote. It sounds like you are trying to impress examiner rather than trying to make a coherent sentence. Do not set out to impress, you can actually score highly if you focus on your natural English vocabulary range and create an understandable sentence each time. The vocabulary score will not be higher if you misuse the word in the sentence. Rather than saying "unequivocal", you could have used the simpler term "clear" to represent the clarity of the current discussion in reference to the choices the people have to make.  
  
The approach to the essay is to prove that your point, that living in a house has more drawbacks than living in an apartment. This is not a compare and contrast essay. This is a single opinion essay that requires you to discuss 2 specific reasons that can support your point of view. In this essay, your discussion should have had 2 paragraphs in reference to the following supporting reasons:  
  
- Security requirements  
- Upkeep expenses for an apartment are lesser than that of a house  
  
You should not be focused on the length of the essay. You should be concentrating on making sure that you properly respond to the question. Even if you wrote a long essay, when your response does not follow the expected format, you will lose points in the end. In this case, you will lose word count considerations and lose a percentage of the actual TA score, because you will only be scored for the parts of the essay that apply to your actual response to the question. The rest of the discussion, the first reasoning paragraph will not be considered as a part of the full response since it does not support your discussion point.  
  
BTW, the prompt restatement at the beginning and in the conclusion need to have the 3 sentence requirement for its presentation. You have to make sure that you paraphrase the discussion twice. Once at the beginning, focusing on the supplied information, and at the end, focusing on the discussion you provided.
I will not argue the points that you made in the essay. These seem to be based on a personal experience on your part, which manages to make your statements quite convincing. However, with every opposition that you present, you must also offer a possible solution to the problem. The solution should indicate a way that can prevent the problem. In this case, cheating is the situation you want to resolve. Perhaps a solution would be to simply assign homework and avoid testing at this time. Homework can be one tool to assess the student's understanding of the class, aside from research work and group assignments.  
  
When you write essays such as these, always assume that you are discussing with other people. Expect their objections and possible counter arguments. Plug the holes to show that you have given greater thought to the problem and solution. You see, the essay you are writing would fall under the category of a problem-solution essay. So you should spend some time developing your solution presentation as well.  
  
Your message is sometimes marred by the confusing statements you make in your writing:  
  
D*espite the closures of schools, they have transitioned to an online classroom*  
- Despite indicates that regardless of the block, the schools were able to continue. However, that is not clear in your statement. A clearer presentation would have been:  
  
*Despite the closure of schools, students have managed to attend classes through online classroom learning.*  
-You have to first explain what happened that stopped classroom learning, then offer the solution that was found to address the problem.  
  
The second sentence in your opening paragraph is a run-on sentence. It created a difficult to follow discussion. It is always best to use one topic per sentence. While the discussion does relate, the clarity of the statement comes from giving the reader a chance to pause and process the information first.  
  
There are also several other sentence formation errors in the essay along with punctuation issues. This post will become too long if I address all of the required corrections in your presentation. So here is my suggestion, pay attention to the bundled grammar checker in your word program. Those often spot the simplest errors and advise you on how to correct it. Pay attention, those are simple but good ways to help improve your writing and grammar presentations.
## responsibility for solving the problems of environment

  
  
Please help me review my essay. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.  
  
*You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.  
**Individuals can do nothing to improve the environment; only governments and large companies can make a difference.**  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  
You should write at least 250 words.*  
  
There is a common belief that governments and corporations are the only organizations that can enhance the environment, and individuals do not have responsibility for it. I reckon that all of them have contributed to the improvement of our environment, so I do disagree with the one-sided belief mentioned.  
  
On the one hand, the efforts made to enhance the environment are more likely to be successful with the aid of governments and corporations. With scientific researches supported by them, a lot of effective approaches are launched to resolve the problems related to our environment, which can save time and money in the fight against the environmental crisis. For example, UNEF gives financial aids for a cluster of researchers to seek a solution in the hopes of getting rid of the waste plastic that is ubiquitous at every corner in the world.  
  
On the other hand, individuals whose roles in the improvement of our environment are seemingly underestimated also play pivotal parts in the fight against the crisis. They obey most of the rules enacted by the governments, which makes the progress to resolve the problems easier. For example, most households make efforts to divide the rubbish based on its characteristics, which can ease the process of categorizing it.  
  
In conclusion, although governments and corporations have a larger responsibility for solving the problems, nobody can deny the significant roles of individuals.
This essay does not follow the required format for the Task 2 essay. The main reason it will not get a passing score is because if does not meet the minimum 250 word requirement. You wrote only 230 words. A percentage of points, based on the missing word count will be applied to the TA section of this essay. Additionally, you created a comparative essay discussion rather than the required single opinion discussion. You already indicated a disagreement with the given text. You should have presented 2 reasons as to why you disagree with the idea provided within 2 separate paragraphs. Remember the question was: "To what extent..." Based on the question, there is an unspoken requirement that you defend your point of view, based on reasons that show an extent of your disagreement. The most applicable format for this discussion would have been:  
  
*Notable corporations make a difference in preserving our habitat by using environmentally designs. Campuses as built by Google and Facebook help to keep the greens intact around the buildings. It is not only corporations that can do this. Individuals can also accomplish a similar task by landscaping their homes. Thus negating the idea that only corporations can make a difference in improving our surroundings....  
  
The government is tasked to preserve the environment through various projects. They do not need to do it alone. By implementing community based preservation programs individuals may be encouraged ....*  
  
This is only a suggested discussion approach. This is the discussion type that allows you to prove that your point of view is correct, based on the way that the other discussion is improperly framed.  
  
By the way, your paraphrase is a run on sentence. You need to split the content of the first sentence into 2. That means, you should be presenting a 3 sentence paragraph, which would help you meet the minimum word requirement. The concluding paraphrase is short by 2 sentences to meet the paragraph minimum requirement as well. It does not offer a proper restatement of the given discussion and your reasons, along with a reiteration of your opinion. All of these would have helped you meet the minimum word count, but not necessarily a better discussion presentation because you did not properly address the task.
## Rich countries are getting richer while poor countries are getting poorer.

  
***What is the cause of this? What could be done to solve this problem?***  
  
There is no denying that the gap between the developed and the developing nations is increasing rapidly. This is an issue that calls for immediate action. Carefully considering the causes of this increasing gap though is crucial before contemplating on an effective solution.  
  
First and foremost, an essential cause of the rising wealth inequalities is the poor administration policies that underdeveloped economies follow. Precisely, poor nations are being governed by politicians and leaders that do not invest in vital services like education. Education is one of the most valuable means for the development of an economy. The extremely low educational level of the citizens of those countries not only cannot help on the development of its economy, but also, in this way underdeveloped nations become objects of exploitation from the wealthy countries. People are not educated in order to flourish the country's economy and as a consequence, the affluent exploit the earth of those countries like the oil field the workforce and more, resulting in the even more development of the developed nations.  
  
This situation could be overcome if rich countries offered substantial aid to the impoverished nations. As it is generally accepted that education is the key to improving the economy, developed economies could supply funds to build schools and pay teachers. This measure would result in expanding education and producing scientists so that the country will not have to depend on other wealthy ones. Particularly, by developing highly educated labour force sectors like construction or agriculture could be improved significantly.  
  
To recapitulate, the increasing gap between the rich and the poor nations should not be ignored. It is clear that there is much that can be done to solve this problem, but the governments of all the world should work together.  
  
(i am a bit confused on conclusion part. how to make it better?)
Hi, I'm new in this so forgive me if my feedback is not perfect.  
  
Your ending in the conclusion feels slightly like a cliff-hangar.  
  
Perhaps in addition to your conclusion, you reiterate your points in a summarised version.  
For instance, for your second and third paragraph, how would you summarised all of it to 2-3 sentences.  
Then you could add it to your conclusion. Imagine your essay only has the intro and conclusion.  
I hope it makes sense.
*This is an issue that calls for immediate action.* In my opinion, this sentence is not necessary. The prompt does not say anything about immediate action, just asks about the cause and solutions.  
  
Also, the question asks for "the cause", but in your restatement you use plural "causes". In the essay you describe one cause - education. Maybe it's beter to use singular "the cause" in your prompt restatement.  
  
*People are not educated in ...*  
This whole sentence is confusing. Maybe separate it onto shorter or add commas. The first part, for example, can be - "People are not educated enough to make their country's economy flourish."
## Online or traditional learning?

  
  
*In the future, students may have the choice of studying at the home by useful technology such as computers or television or of studying at traditional schools. Which would you prefer? Use reasons and specific details to explain your choice?*  
  
Whether it would be better for students to attend online classes from their homes or whether they should continue going to traditional schools, given that they have the choice to pick, it is a debatable issue that has sparked a great deal of controversy. Nobody can deny that computer technology has offered a range of advantages in education. However, I am an avid adherent of traditional education for the following reasons.  
  
To begin with, going to school provides a wide range of benefits to a student. First and foremost, school has always been described as the micrography of society. School is the first means of socialization, as a child has to face a new environment that might trigger difficulties and of course, it might contribute to the pupil's maturity. For instance, students have to meet other peers every day. They have to find ways in order to establish friendly relationships and get along with people that they might not like. Therefore, through this process, children develop their temperament and this is a process that cannot be accomplished with the convenience of home and in front of a screen.  
  
Furthermore, it seems to me that the process of learning is more efficient through attending traditional schools than watching online lectures. It is commonly accepted that the role of the teacher is vital for the transmission of knowledge. To be precise, it has been proven that the learning process is mostly an emotional procedure. As a result, the connection between the students and the teacher affects the educational outcomes significantly. This is another critical factor that cannot be provided by online schooling.  
  
To sum up, although online learning may offer conveniences that seem attractive, I firmly believe that the future impact of that will be detrimental to students' formation.
You need an interesting hook for this essay. Your approach is unnecessary as you are giving a comparative discussion when you should be focused on establishing the backstory for your essay opinion instead. Think about the reason why you disagree with the statement? What sort of story or example can you open the essay with that will help to highlight a major reason as to why you oppose the statement? You need to make sure that you create an interesting opening statement that will help you better explain your opinion. By the way, it will be more helpful to your presentation if you can explain your opinion between 380-400 words. Remember, you won't be scored less for writing more words, but you could actually gain penalties under other scoring considerations if you just kept writing, without editing the work when you needed to.  
  
While you do have a wide discussion development, this did not help you to create a well developed presentation. Your ideas and reasons are often difficult to understand because of the sentence errors that create confusion for the reader. You often use words and word forms that do not help to create a proper sentence presentation. Oftentimes, the lack of proper sentence formation results in incoherent sentences. You should be focusing on the clarity of your explanation and reasons rather than just the word count. Remember the golden rule, a long essay does not mean a passing essay. As long as you meet more than the minimum word requirement, your score will be fine. You have to look at developing the clarity of your discussion and the coherence of your explanations. You need to make sure that the discussion connects well, without using too many words.  
  
Please keep in mind that you are writing an academic opinion paper. So informal English words such as "tons" is out of place. Always maintain an academic explanation using formal English word and sentence presentations. Your essay uses several informal word presentation such as tons, have to, and as long as. The last 2 affect the clarity of your presentation as you use basic English phrases rather than academic vocabulary.  
  
Overall, you have good discussion ideas. The problem is that your presentation is faulty in terms of clarity. Focus less on the word count and more on the clear explanations. What you can do is, have someone review the essay after you write it. Ask that person to tell you which parts of the essay are unclear to him. Ask why it became unclear. These sorts of work reviews can help you spot problematic sentences and paragraphs, which you can further improve on by writing the same essay, keeping the errors in mind, and correcting them on the second try. That should help you learn how to write essays with clear idea and explanation presentations.
You have to clarify your thesis statement for this essay. If you are going to be discussing the progression of a nurse's career, leading up to becoming a CNA, the you should make that clear in your first paragraph. Outline the discussion for the reader. Explain why it is important to understand the career progression to clarify the importance of every career step towards the ultimate goal. Your essay should make it clear to the reader that each type of nurse, from the CG to the RN, all experience career training opportunities that help the nurse work up the career ladder. Consider doing a more in-depth discussion of each nursing position in relation to skills acquired that are useful towards becoming a CNA.  
  
Create a more connected discussion regarding one aspect of nursing to the next. Make sure that the relationship and progression towards the CNA goal is clear with every nursing position discussion. As of now, the essay is disconnected. It doesn't really create an easy to follow presentation with regards to the career progression, importance of each nursing position, and why the CNA position should be the ultimate ambition for any nurse. Once you manage to accomplish these points in your essay, the benefits of becoming a CNA should be clearer to the readero.
## The two charts analysis

  
  
The first chart illustrates the percentage of Australian household energy use and the second chart describes the proportion of green house gas emissions released from this energy use.  
  
Overall, in the first chart cooling makes up the smallest part of energy use, while heating is the largest segment. In the chart of greenhouse gas emissions, water heating is the most significant part and the lowest part is made by cooling.  
  
In the first chart, heating accounts for 42% of energy use, being the largest part and other appliances and refrigeration are at 15% and 7%, respectively. However, only 4% of energy is used for lighting and cooling is the lowest part at 2%.  
  
In the second chart, 32% of gas emissions released from from water heating, compared to 28 % of other appliances, 15 % of heating , and 14% of refrigeration, and the figures for gas emissions which result from cooling and lighting are much lower, with 3% and 8% respectively.  
  
*
For clarity requirements, you need to present the information from the charts (including the type of chart) in individual sentences. Do this because the minimum sentence requirement is 3 sentences per paragraph. You score less in the GRA and C&C section when you use run on sentences the way you did throughout this report. You are missing several key points in your summary, including the trending statement. Offer a better summary of the discussion points, trending statement, and measurement type next time.  
  
There should have been a comparison discussion / paragraph presentation in this essay. For every energy use, there is a specific greenhouse emission related to it. Look at the charts. The instructions told you to make comparisons where relevant. You should have indicated the corresponding comparative measurements for each partnered discussion point:  
  
water heating energy - water heating green house emission  
refrigeration energy - refrigeration emission  
etc.  
  
Since there are 6 comparative points per chart, your 2 reporting paragraphs should have presented the comparisons based on a 3 topic presentation per paragraph. That would have created a more coherent and cohesive discussion presentation:  
  
Par. 2: Cooling, heating, water heating  
Par. 3: Refrigeration, other appliances, lighting  
  
Using the chart comparison method, you should be able to develop a well developed and cohesive report based on the 2 charts provided. By the way, identify the chart using specific descriptions. It isn't just a chart, it is a pie chart. There are several types of charts used in the task 1 essay so you have to be specific when describing it to the reader.