dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## development of the San Jose city

  
  
The given diagrams illustrates how the city in San Jose developed between 1995 and present.  
Overall, the most noticeable change is the increase of accommodation and expanding the road in the middle of housing area.  
Additionally, some facilities were disappeared and replaced by new features.  
In 1995, to the south of the area, there was a fishing industry, with a fishing port and a quite large fish market. Nearby this was a small coffee, which had the hotel in the opposite. Along with the road by the sea, a line of five shop stood in there. The housing area of the city was located in the north west around a main road with twelve houses, four of which were inside a smaller side-street. Situated in the north-eastern was a farmland and a forest park.  
  
Regarding to now, the fishing areas have disappeared and being replaced by four apartments and the shops have become restaurants. The cafe remained unchanged, while a new car park was constructed next to the hotel. Specifically, the two separated areas of farmland and forest park is unified and converted into golf and tennis area. Finally, the number of housings have been increased slightly, tracking for three houses more than before.
We need the diagram uploaded to the server so that a comprehensive review of your essay can be completed. I do not have a comparison point for your presentation so I cannot review your work for content and prompt responsiveness. I will just do a general review for now. Remember to upload the image next time so you can get a complete review for your work.  
  
There is a clear subject-verb problem in the essay. Yo were supposed to say "... has been increased slightly..." not, " ... have been increased..." The summary overview is incomplete. It does not give me a run-down of the image provided information. So , as the examiner, I am left confused by the discussion presentation. You have to make sure to enumerate all of the important discussion points, include the keywords, and consider how those all play into the final presentation of the trending statement.  
  
Your illustration description does not sound like you are restating it in your own manner. It sounds more like a cut and paste of the original presentation. Then again, I cannot be sure since you neglected to give us a copy of the drawing you based your report on. The essay should be presented in a 3-4 paragraph format. You only presented several hanging sentences, which should have been formatted into a paragraph form, and 2 separate paragraphs. The summary overview is the first paragraph and that requires the 3-5 sentence presentation. Do not separate the sentences, those create hanging sentence presentations and do not help increase your GRA score since you are not presenting those in a proper paragraph format.
## Mandatory foreign language education

  
  
In some educational systems, children are required to study one or more foreign languages. In others, foreign language study is not a requirement. What are the potential benefits of foreign language study? Do you think foreign language study is an important part of education?  
  
Foreign language study in much social research of scientists is said to be an efficient method to sharpen a logical mentality and raise the brainstorming for children. I suppose it should be a requirement in all schools.  
  
Firstly, studying a new language brings children a chance to enlarge their cultural capital. It helps them discover and explore new conventions and historical backgrounds of countries.  
  
Secondly, one of the most significant roles of languages is to accessibly communicate to "the whole world". Professional documents can not be reserved all in only a language, so studying a new language is perfectly a great deal for children to reach the best qualifications in their major. Although their purpose is for business or just purely casual communication, languages turn out helpful and dispensable for a brilliantly successful career path.  
  
Thirdly, studying a foreign language is able to enhance the student's concentration and memorizing ability. Fundamentally, they have to achieve four skills: listening, reading, writing, and speaking of a language if they want to use it proficiently. That is absolutely long-term and hard progress, they will need so much willingness and effort with an extreme concentration. Through practicing every day, it improves them day by day and creates them a powerful foundation of mentality. After being advanced in a language, student's intelligence would be more extended, their memorizing ability would be better organized. Probably they would become a detail-oriented, diligent, and motivated person. I strongly believe that language sharply influences student's characters as well, more patient and placid to navigate solutions for assignments and problems in communication and generally in life.  
  
Overall, I see that it is highly essential to make foreign language studies become required in all schools. It is genuinely worthwhile an excellent preparation for student's adulthood in their far future.
Do not refer to scientist. Always use a general reference to information. Never make it sound like you researched information. The info has to come from your personal knowledge, experience, or observations. So using general terms would be best for the presentation. When responding to the question, you cannot respond with uncertainty. You need to offer a clear and direct response to the question. There is no "I suppose" in the response because that would mean that you do not have a clear opinion on the topic. Uncertainty will always lead to a lower TA score because you failed to offer a direct supporting opinion or response to the given question.  
  
The second paragraph of this essay is difficult to understand. What exactly are you trying to say? Please remember that you cannot think in your native tongue and use word equivalents in English. That will result in an incoherent essay and problematic vocabulary usage. The second paragraph of this essay will definitely lead to a low LR and GRA score, along with an extremely affected C&C scoring due to the lack of clarity in the paragraph.  
  
The concluding paragraph does not represent a proper summary of the previous discussion. It is too short at only 2 sentences. That needs to be at least 3 sentences long. After all, it is a restatement of the topic and related discussion points.
## Comparison of energy production

  
  
The graphs compare the different types of energy manufacture of France in 1995 and 2005.  
Overall, Using Coal, gas, and petro to produce energy account for the largest proportion of productions in both years. On the other hand, Nuclear energy production accounts for the least.  
  
The percentage of Coal energy production in 1995 and 2005 are 29.80% and 30.93% respectively. Likewise, the proportion of Gas energy production in 1995 increased from 29.63% to 30.31% in 2005. However, in the same period, The ratio of Petro energy production in 1995 decreased from 29.27% to just 19.55%.  
  
The percentage of Nuclear and other energy production both increased, Nuclear energy production increased from 6.4% in 1995 to 10.10% in 2005, other energy production increased from 4.9% to 9.1%.  
There is a clear trend that Energy production shifts from the conventional way of create energy to some modern way of doing it.  
  
*
Your presentation is 2 words short of the minimum word requirement. That means, you will be given points deductions in the TA section in relation to the missing words. You have to make an effort to complete at 3-5 sentences in the summary overview. That is the best way to assure that you will hit the minimum word count and more. That is because the summary overview allows you to present a rough description of the essay content; from the topic, measurements, data collection source, collection method, measurement type, and trending statement. All of these information present the examiner with the outline of the upcoming data report. When combined with the other paragraph presentations, you will always be over the 150 minimum count.  
  
Do not capitalize words that are not proper nouns in the presentation. Coal does not represent a proper noun and as such, does not need to be capitalized. Unless, the word is used at the beginning of the sentence, in which case, the capitalized version is required for the presentation.  
  
Good work with your comparison discussions. You could have had at least a passing score with this essay if you did not come in under the minimum word count, which resulted in a percentage of scoring deductions that would have affected your final score.
## humanitarian aids from Rich countries

  
  
There is a perception that, affluent countries should aid the poor countries suffering from ecological catastrophe. It is my opinion that this kind of assistance is totally legitimate because rich countries have moral obligation to do so and almost every developing countries are not able to have possession of suitable infrastructure and modern appliances to cope with this issue.  
  
The first point to note is that affluent countries have moral obligation to help economically developing ones. Natural catastrophe is a joint obstacle that the human being have to get along since more and more environmental issue like greenhouse gas or air pollution gradually arise in our modern world, because of that, whether it happen in a developing or developed countries, human's union is impulsive to contract its damage. Helping the poor countries during natural disaster also means that citizens from both well-off and developing nations can acknowledge more about the impacts that harmful geologic process may affect human kind and raising people's awareness of environmental protection. For instant, numerous national experts have sent to Mekong Delta to support thousands of inhabitants who are having to deal with the scarcity of drinking water and agriculture soil due to the existing salinity intrusion there.  
  
Another reason why the philanthropic relief from the developed countries to aid the developing ones is reasonable is because most of the developing nations are not able to have enough suitable infrastructure and cutting-edge appliances when having to face with natural catastrophe. The majority of the poorest countries are located in the tropical region, where is incline to have more ecological disaster such as draughts, hurricanes, floods, volcanic eruptions,...in comparison with other countries. This causes an enormous developing gap between them and the rest of the world. Several developing countries have allocated a huge portion of their budget to overcome the destruction of natural disaster but due to their limited capacity, wholly covering the damage is tremendously problematic. Take Vietnam to exemplify, the great volume of water from the simultaneous string of floods make the healing of the economy in the central of Vietnam is a immeasurably arduous task although the government have funded a huge amount of money with the propose to help them triumph over the disaster.  
  
In conclusion, humanitarian aids from the well-off countries to assist the developing ones during ecological catastrophe is rightful because that is a moral obligation since natural disaster is a common human kind's problem and this may promote people's awareness of preserving our habitable ambiance. Hence, a lot of poor countries have difficulties with lacking of needed infrastructure due to the frequency of the natural disaster and disadvantageous geography along with their limited ability.
This essay is bound to get a failing score based mostly on the fact that your explanation is extremely difficult to understand. Your vocabulary is not very good. Your thought process if difficult to ascertain, causing the overall presentation to leave the reader confused, stressed, and uninformed. You are clearly incapable of presenting your thoughts in a coherent English manner. You do not have the ability to string together an understandable simple sentence. Your essay is filled with incomplete thought presentations. There is no clear demarcation between the paragraph topic and a relevant explanation supported by valid examples. Basically, the essay does not work because you cannot think in English. That lack of capability on your part means you also cannot write in English. So 400 plus words of English words will not help you pass the test. You do not meet the scoring rubic requirements even though you wrote so much English words. Again, just because you fill the paper with English words, if it does not make any sense to the examiner, you will not pass the test.
## The amount of money spent on books

  
  
I'm practicing for my upcoming IELTS exam. So I would really appreciate if you help me check my essay. Thank you very much !  
  
Topic: The graph shows the amount of money spent on books in Germany, France, Italy and Austria between 1995 and 2005. The graph shows the amount of money spent on books in Germany, France, Italy and Austria between 1995 and 2005.  
  
The line graph compares the spending on books in four different countries over the period of 10 years starting from the year 1995.  
Overall, it can be seen that people in Germany spent more on books than those in the remaining three countries. However, the expenditure on books in all four countries increased significantly during the observed period.  
  
In 1995, the amount of money that German spent on books was highest, at about $80 millions. The spending figures for France and Italy were similar, at $55 millions and $50 millions, respectively. In contrast, the figure for Austria was much lower at just $30 millions. Despite some fluctuations, the spending on books in Germany remained higher than in the other countries, and this spending reached a peak of $100 millions in 2005.  
  
There were a steady growth in the expenditure on books in France, and this finally hit its highest point of $75 millions in 2005. Also, the money spent on book in Austria rose sharply from $40 millions in 2001 to over $70 millions in 2005. In Italia, the spending on books witnessed a gradual upward trend during the 10 years period, reaching a final figure of just over $60 millions in 2005;  
  
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*Money spent on Books*
Kindly focus your writing on your grammar and content rather than the word count. When I checked your essay, I discovered that you had written over 200 words. Something that is achievable during the cbt test, but not an assurance that you will pass the test. Your report is riddled with grammar errors, which would have a score lowering effect on your final score. Remember, the time allotment is 20 minutes for the task. You need to leave at least 5 minutes to review your work. Now, if you happen to be a fast typist, then make sure you spend the remaining time reviewing any potential mistakes in your data report that needs to be corrected. Spending time editing the report, rather than writing a long report, will result in a higher score.  
  
Grammar issues include the wrong usage of a semicolon. In the section; "... just over 60 million in 2005:" You should have used a period at the end. That was the end of a sentence, not the presentation of new information. Review the plural word usage rules, or better yet, look into the plural formation of words. Million is already in plural form when referring to the listed amount. No need to add an S at the end. The S is used at the end when you refer to several counts of millions.  
  
Your summary overview has the following elements presented correctly:  
- Topic  
- Image identification  
  
Missing overview information:  
- List of countries  
- Money amount reference (millions)  
  
Incorrectly presented:  
Country name- German = Germany  
...money spent on book = ... money spent on books  
Italia = Italy (use the reference as seen in the chart regardless of the other name of the country)
## Illiteracy is still a serious problem

  
  
**Nowadays, many people cannot read or write. What problems does this cause? What measures can governments take to solve these problems?**  
  
It is noticeable that people's literacy has been improved significantly since the existence of educational system. While most inhabitants are capable of reading and writing, there are still a number of residents who can not. I would argue that one principal factor is responsible for this tragedy, and many things should be done approriately to solve this issue.  
  
From my perspectives, when people could not read or write properly, they would be more likely to have difficulties noticing and understanding their surroundings. One of the most crucial factor contributing to the illiteracy is poverty. Children, who deserve to be educated, lose the chance to go to schools if their families do not have enough money to pay for their necessities and their kids' school's fee. Consequently, many of pupils and students have to drop out of schools, to earn their livings from physical occupations. Illiteracy is unavoidable, and a community full of illiterate residents is created with lots of concerns.  
  
There are, however, policies which national and local authorities can adopt to enhance these matters. For a start, resources should be allocated to provide basic literacy in local colleges or social and community centres to help people learn to read and write. Secondly, charity campaigns should be held to donate money to poor and remote areas so that they can pay off their daily basis and debts. This is prone to the presence of students at classes, as they will not have to work to earn their wages anymore. Finally, governments in developing countries should implement policies and strategies to ensure that everyone has the rights to pursue a basic education which enables them to broaden their knowledge.  
  
In conclusion, although illiteracy is a serious problem, our society can curb this issue by adopting and implementing proper plans and policies, to help the illiterate read and write.  
  
307 words  
  
P/s: Thank you in advanced, I really appreciate all your comments.
The improvement in your TA score will solely depend upon how well you represent the requirements of the prompt restatement. These are normally 2 fold:  
  
- Explaining the subject in your own words  
- Responding to the direct questions posed when provided  
  
So, when you write your introductory paragraph, make sure to respond directly to the questions, to help create a clear discussion and also, give you a reference point to prevent your straying from the discussion while writing your essay. Rather than implying your discussion points, give direct responses. These responses will help the examiner assess if your have proper English comprehension skills, upon which your TA score will be based. A proper response and reference to discussion points will help you increase your possible overall score that early in the scoring consideration game.  
  
Since you are the only one writing this essay, the singular form of perspective must be used. There is only one perspective / reason being presented in the paragraph. The plural form of the word is normally used in a group reference / setting. Do not use an apostrophe when referring to the plural form of a word (kids not kids'). Learn what words have the same form of writing regardless of the singular or plural form (living).  
  
The second reasoning paragraph, in response to the possible solution, is not well explained. There are too many topics being discussed so you ended up just providing reasons with short explanations. You should instead, be focusing on delivering one comprehensive solution, such as the government's responsibility to allot free education throughout the paragraph instead. That would create a more effective response to the question rather than several solution suggestions that do not have a clear reason for being included in the presentation.  
  
Your conclusion is incorrect. Present a 3-5 sentence recap of the discussion topic, reason, solution, and repeated support for your solution. That is the proper format for the concluding recap.
- Line number 5: factors  
- In paragraph 3, you should focus more on one outstanding solution and add more details or information to elaborate your point rather than listing so many ways to tackle the problem because it may be unconvincing and the paragraph will lack coherence.  
  
- And the conclusion should be a bit longer, not just in a rather short sentence.  
These are just my subjective comments because I'm also a language learner. Hope that my experience can help.
## Reform of the education formula

  
  
Living in the world the education for the children is always a hot topic in our society ,by the rapidly changing of the world there are also many questions about educate the children, is worth to talk about ,like the problem that should we let children get to the formula education as early as well before seven years old is often argued.  
  
On the one hand ,in my view the parents should not to send their children to the formula education as early as possible. the nowadays formula education is come from the industrial revolution ,the target is to rapidly get more professional worker .but in nowadays the society type of people we need is the "creater" not the technicist. so if we send our children to the formula education as early as possible maybe wear their innovation ability out, thus parents must to promote the curiosity and innovation ability instead of to send their to the formula education.  
  
On the other hand ,even so the formula education is still very important for us is no denying the fact but by the development of the technology the way to study is become diversification , we should not get the knowledge only from the teacher at school ,we could study the things which we are curious .so the useful of the formula education place like school is more like the guide place let you gain the explicit goal ,and teach you how to make closer to it .for example ,the parents who is from Asia are very focus on the formula education and always let there children learned more formula education knowledge before seven years old , but as far as I know this didn't cause these children more excellent than others.  
  
To summarize that the society is always changing the educate method must to change simultaneously . So the way to send children to the formula education is not the best way to educate the children.
Hi Jeffery0929007, I will make some suggestions, of course, that is my opinion.  
  
You should be careful in using "a/an/the".  
  
Note the spelling errors, I noticed that you don't check your essay.  
  
Notice in put punctuation.  
  
Use a strong emotional response in the essay. This is an extent essay so you need descriptive emotional words to describe your opinion. While this is a single opinion direct response essay, it requires a measured dis/agreement response within the prompt paraphrase.  
  
Overall your essay is really good, your ideas are very sharp.
@jeffery0929007  
  
First of all, I think you should include the full topic of the essay so that everyone can give you comments more easily. I guess that this is an opinion essay.  
  
Secondly, you must focus on improving your vocabulary and grammar and pay attention to punctuations. There are a lot of mistakes in your essay which make your essay unclear.  
  
E.g: Paragraph 1: about educating children  
Paragraph 2: ~~formula~~ formal education  
in my view -> in my opinion/ in my point of view  
is come -> came from.  
  
You need to review all verb tenses, the use of each part of speech and the use of prepositions. Focus on using them right first.  
  
- Try to use more simple sentence structures. When you do not understand the sentence structures well and you still attempt to use them, you tend to make run-on sentences which is meaningless.  
  
I hope that you will improve your writing