dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## more strict rules for smokers?

  
  
**Aimed score 7 or above  
  
In many countries, it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building.  
  
Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Smoking in public locals has been banned in many nations and people have to go to designated areas to smoke. In my opinion, this is a good practice because not only will it save non-smokers from the evils of passive smoking, but it will also prevent young people from getting into the habit of smoking.  
  
To begin with, smoking can be a choice for many people but the others who are around them also have to face hazardous health consequences when they inhale the cigarettes' smoke unknowingly. For instance, a study has shown that 60% of the passive smokers, who stay around active smokers, suffer from severe diseases such as lung cancer and respiratory issues. Therefore, by restricting people from smoking in public areas, non-smokers will get benefited.  
  
It must be also pointed out that young people generally start smoking because they are influenced by older smokers. For example, teenagers who are close to people who smoke can get into the habit of smoking because adults are showing them that this is normal behaviour. Although they may be aware of the consequences of smoking, youngsters might be inspired by people who exert influence on them. For that reason, restricting the liberty of smoking anywhere can prevent juveniles from becoming addicted to tobacco and having to face the nicotine evils in their organisms.  
  
In conclusion, smokers are aware of the serious consequences of smoking and in spite of this, they smoke. Hence, the government has banned smoking in public places. From my point of view, this is an appropriate approach that will prevent passive smokers from developing health issues as well as young people from becoming a smoker.
This is a good writing. Try to add a better example in para 3, for example "The Ministry of Health in India declared in 2016 that children and teenagers who are exposed to smoking either at home or in the community have at least forty percent greater chance of becoming active smokers."  
  
work on your vocabulary and use complex structures. For example:  
" For that reason, restricting the liberty of smoking ..."  
It can be written as:  
"Consequently, banning smoking in public places will reduce the probability of children falling prey of this deadly habit."  
  
Try using less words to convey the meaning.This will give you word buffer to add more ideas and your sentence structure would automatically become complex. Hope this helps.
There will be points deductions for this essay because you changed the prompt response requirement in your paraphrased paragraph. The question is:  
  
*Question: Do you agree or disagree ?  
Your Response: in my opinion, this is a good practice ...*  
  
Your biggest mistake in this essay, which will definitely harm your final score, is that you turned this into an opinion essay instead of an agree/disagree essay. The proper response format is:  
  
*I agree with this statement for several reasons.*  
  
That said, your reasoning is aligned with the prompt. However, your second body of paragraph sort of spun off topic before going back to the original discussion. So maybe this will get a score of 5. Try to start the sentences with the topic sentence before the reasoning, that way your sentences will not appear to be going off topic before going back to the actual topic. This is what happened in your second body paragraph and it almost cost you severe point deductions.  
  
Then you could have immediately thrown yourself into the supporting discussions in the body paragraphs. For this type of essay, you should present a weak opposing discussion in the first body paragraph and then present a strong defense of your stance, based on the opposing discussion in the second body paragraph. You may even extend the essay into a third body paragraph to further strengthen your stance on the discussion.  
  
You need to fully utilize the word allotment for this essay, which is normally a maximum of 300 words, to reach the maximum scoring possibility for every grading consideration. Write the minimum ideal number of 275 and you will get a moderate scoring consideration. Write the ideal maximum number of 300 words and you will see your overall scores get a boost, specially in the C&C section.
## money required to maintain a physical library

  
  
In the modern life, some people believe that the maintenance of public libraries is wasting money from the budget because computer technology is now taking over the role of them. While I accept that technology is developing faster than ever, I do believe that public libraries still play an important part of our lives.  
  
On the one hand, the progress of computer technology is replacing libraries' function. First of all, computers contain a limitless supply of digital-based information and up-to-date reading materials about every field. In just a few seconds searching, people can find thousands of result and a wide rage of information in the internet such as Google. Secondly, thanks to the development of computer technology, human is able to look for knowledge and information in an easiest and fastest way. By computer people can access any web or source of information even when at home and do not have to go for a long distance to library.  
  
On the other hand, I personally argue that public libraries still play a pivotal role in our lives because of some several reasons. Initially, public libraries encourage human to read books and help people who do not have computer or smart phone is able to collect knowledge. Moreover, qualified books tend to have various reliable sources of information. It make sure that readers likely to have correct awareness about every field that they research and limit the problem of misinformed public.  
  
In conclusion, it is certainly true that computer technology is now taking over the role of public libraries, but this is by no means that the maintenance of libraries are not necessary for people to collect information.  
  
Words: 277
You failed to understand the discussion method required by the essay. While this is a personal opinion essay, it is not to be discussed in a comparison form. The instructions are clear. This is an extent degree essay. That means, the paraphrase should include a clear stand with a sense of support intensity for the topic. You flipped the discussion around to become a comparative essay instead. Let me clearly point out the mistake in your understanding below:  
  
OP: To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
YP: I do believe that public libraries still play an important part of our lives.  
  
The OP is asking you to write about how much you agree or disagree with the given statement. In your prompt response, you indicated instead a belief regarding why libraries cannot be replaced by the internet. Hence the mistake in Task Accuracy. You have shown that you do not understand English enough to be able to follow the given discussion instruction. The topic for discussion in this essay is:  
  
OT: Maintaining public libraries is a waste of money  
YT: ... public libraries still play an important part of our lives.  
  
Even though you mentioned the budget in your first sentence of the prompt paraphrase, the rest of the message of your introduction doesn't follow the essence of the original prompt. The main discussion consideration is how much it costs to maintain a library as opposed to an internet based library. It has nothing to do with the importance or non-importance of a physical library.  
  
Your body of paragraphs do not relate to the amount of money required to maintain a physical library, which was the original discussion topic. So the essay did not even manage to properly discuss the required topic. I am sorry but I believe this essay will not get a Task Accuracy score better than a 1 because the response is completely unrelated to the task. With that possible score, it will be impossible for you to get an overall passing score.
**Some grammatical and spelling improvements:**  
  
- In ~~**the**~~ modern life...  
- ... important part **IN** our lives.  
- ... is replacing **THE** libraries' function.  
- ... a wide **RANGE** of information **ON** the internet ...  
- ..., **THE** human is able ...  
- By computer**,** people can ... to **THE** library.  
- ... do not have **A** computer or **SMARTPHONE** is able to ...  
- It **MAKES** sure that ... problem of **A** misinformed public.
## the history of sell phone, national, and international calls expenditures

  
  
The line chart illustrates spending on three different services , namely cell phone , national and international fixed-line services by American over the period of 10 years  
  
Overall, there was an upward trend in the amount of money spent on mobile phone and international fixed-line services while the figure for national fixed-line services decreased subtantially.  
  
In 2001, well over $700 in America were spent on national fixed-line services compared to just 250 and merely 200 dollars on international fixed-line services and cell phone respectively. Over the next 6 years , America witnessed a considerable rise of over $300 in the amount of money spent on cell phone and this figure took over that of national fixed-line services  
  
From 2006 to 2010, spending on national fixed-line services declined significantly and the figure hit the lowest point at approximately $400 in 2010. By contrast, the figure mobile phone climbed constantly and reached a peak at nearly $800 in the same year. By 2010, the amount of money spent on international fixed-line services had remained unchanged at roughly $300  
  
*
You forgot to include the inclusive years of the graph, in the overview summary. This means that your summary overview is incomplete and the reader will have difficulty following your presentation.  
  
There is also a false assumption on your part, which led to an error in your data presentation. If you study the actual graph, there is no country indicated. Therefore, saying that the information is based on USA records and sources is incorrect. When no country is indicated, you do not need to indicate one in your report. A general reference can be made instead. You cannot assume that the dollar value automatically represents the United States as there are other dollar values such as the Canadian dollar, Hong Kong dollar, etc. It is best to stay vague when referencing these data since it could create an error in your reporting. Simply saying "undisclosed country" would have been more helpful to your score.  
  
While your essay contains most of the information from the chart, you failed to represent the overlapping information twice in the discussion. This occurred for the years 2002 and 2006. A quick glance at the chart highlighted that information. So it should have been presented in the essay as equal spending for the given overlapping sectors.  
  
Basically, you could have done more comparative discussions in the essay as the lines overlap and slightly overtake each other during certain year presentations. While this presentation is acceptable and will receive an acceptable score, you could have done more to get a higher than average score.
## being in good shape today

  
  
In these days, fitness has aroused people's discussion. Although the problems associated with the situation can be pronounced, they are not without feasible solutions.  
  
Not being fit and active is certain to trigger undesirable problems in the modern ages and people almost feel uncomfortable with their body condition. In fact, people are busy with their work, home caring so they will lack of time to do more exercise. Moreover, junk foods and drinks tend to make people have unhealthy balance in their life. Consequently, they will have inadequate nutrition to provide for them day after day and they become unfit and inactive. Thus, nowadays, most people are not as vigorous as the people living actively and healthily in the past.  
  
Notwithstanding, the problems above can be remedied, provide that some of following preparatory steps are taken. First, people ought to manage their spare time to do more exercise to maintain their superb health. Good condition can help them to prevent from coming down with lots of common diseases such as cough, sore throat or even fever, etc. Second, in lieu of eating fast foods at office, people had better prepare their meals every day, therefore, they can absorb enough nutrition for the body. Last but not least, not staying up late and get approximately 8 hours of sleep a night play a crucial role in helping people active and fit. Additionally, good sleep are capable of ease completely tiredness.  
  
In conclusion, being in good shape has some holistic approaches should be adopted .Only when people endeavor get over this perspective can this issue be remedied thoroughly.
Your prompt paraphrase is incomplete and lacking one sentence to complete a paragraph. You have not indicated the discussion requirement in your prompt paraphrase, which was supposed to represent the transition sentence for your discussion paragraphs. I wish you had tried to write at least 300 words for this essay. You actually did a good job in representing the prompt requirements with one exception. There was a lack of transition sentences within the paragraph presentations that would have shown the connection between reason 1 and reason 2. Since the 2 reasons are mentioned in one paragraph, there must be a connecting sentence that will highlight how the busy lifestyle of people leads to eating junk food, which in turn, result in the people not being fit and active. You could have said something like:  
  
*The people today are busy doing their jobs which keep them behind a desk for most of the day. The work requirements also lead them to choose fast food over fresh food. The combination of these 2 factors have prevented people from having time to exercise. The lack of time to get to the gym to exercise or to cook fresh food has resulted in their inactivity and lack of fitness. That said, there are some possible solutions to these problems.*  
  
While you show that you somehow understood the prompt and did your best to address the instructions, the lack of clarity and sentence development (via explanations) are what hindered this essay. Please try to explain yourself better next time. You don't need to use advanced English words. You can use simple vocabulary and still manage to get a better overall score due to the clarity of your explanations.
## the best route to a successful career

  
  
Dear,  
  
Firstly, thank you so much for take time to review this topic. So if it is possible, please help me review and correct my essay below.  
  
Best Regards,  
  
**Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.  
  
Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
In recent years, many people believe that studying at higher education would be a better approach to get better job opportunities. However, a number of opponents express that getting a job as soon as students finish school would be outweighed. This essay will discusses both sides and draw out my perspective.  
  
It is apparent fact that people with qualifications not only likely to get well-paid job, but they also become more competitive to open the door in the labor market. Furthermore, skilled workers really need for sectors, such as economy, engineering, information technology and so on. For example, nowadays, manual jobs have been gradually replaced by robots controlled by engineers, whereas we always need specialists who specialize in their field to design, create and develop machine systems.  
  
On the other hand, firstly, learning at university or college would spend them too much money and time, while they have to do extra time to struggle with live expense being more and more expensive. And as a result, this problem led to their downswing in studying. Secondly, degree would be not really necessary in some industries or service professions which needs manual workers. For instance, in developed countries, they always need wide ranges of labors for home services, such as plumber, cleaning carpets, and the price of these service is being increased day by day.  
  
In conclusion, all above opinions are make sense. Therefore, it is really hard for me to draw a definite conclusion. For my opinion, the demerits of learning at higher education are overshadowed by the merits, so we should go to either university or college to get better life.
The essay has a problem with clarity. I think that stems from your literally translating your thoughts from your native tongue to English. Doing so limits the clarity of your message because the sentence formation in your language and the way the sentence is presented in English are two different presentations. These presentations cannot be translated word for word because the native tongue equivalent may not have the same meaning or it could lack meaning when written in the same manner, in English. This is the case with most of your sentence presentations such as:  
  
*...getting a job as soon as students finish school would be outweighed.*  
- I am not sure outweighed is the right term to use here. Maybe "more beneficial" would have brought more clarity to the sentence.  
  
Paragraph 2 is highly confusing because you are talking about how people who hold degrees get better paying jobs, but then suddenly jump to skilled workers and manual labor. You are presenting 2 different lines of discussion, without actually creating a proper connection between the two in the paragraph. This created an incoherent paragraph for the reader. Always focus on one topic, one explanation, one development throughout the paragraph to create clarity and cohesiveness in the discussion presentation.  
  
The third paragraph is just as confusing in meaning and presentation. The same problems exist throughout your essay. Though you did show an effort to write proper reasons and explanations, it is lack of proper sentence structure and vocabulary usage that prevented the presentations from being appreciated by the reader. You need to practice thinking in English, along with writing in English. You cannot think in your native tongue then write in English. The paragraphs will always suffer from a lack of clarity in that case.  
  
The personal opinion is not presented as the conclusion of the essay. That should have been presented as the 4th paragraph. Fully developed and explained. You ended the essay on an open, rather than concluded discussion in this case.  
  
There is a lack of point of view references in the essay as well. You must learn to refer to each opinion as you discuss it, from the beginning of the sentence so that the reader knows that you are not yet offering your personal point of view and whose point of view you are discussing. You could have said:  
  
*People who see the benefits of a college degree...  
  
However, the people who completed vocational school*  
  
or  
  
*The supporters of the non-college graduate school of thought believe that...*  
  
I believe you need to work harder on the clarity of your presentations and proper vocabulary use. More writing exercises will be required for your to learn to stop transliterating your sentences. You can do that by more English sentence writing exercises. It's easy to find those exercises online and through the app stores.
Many grammar issues there...  
This essay will discuss~~es~~ ...  
It is an apparent fact that ... to a get well-paid job  
... which need~~s~~ manual workers  
... wide range~~s~~ of labors ... such as a plumber, ... price of these services is b...  
... above opinions are making sense  
~~For~~ In my opinion  
... to get a better life.-------> a better life  
  
I suggest checking after you finishing your essay.
## popular activities in Chester from 2002 to 2007

  
  
The bar chart illustrates the amount of time that adolescents dedicated for particular activities weekly in Chester from 2002 to 2007. Units are measured in hours.  
  
Overall, it is noticeable that the youngsters spent most hours for watching TV over the years. Meanwhile, time consuming for bowling consistently stood at the lowest. In addition, these activities time such as going to pubs and shopping had climbing trends whereas doing homework, sport, watching DVDs kept decreasing throughout the period.  
  
In 2002, time for watching television already reached the highest rate compared to other activities which accounted for 25 hours per week. This statistic still remained the same in 2003 then rose gradually to a peak of around 37 hours in 2007. In contrast, 2002 saw just under 5 hours in bowling each week. During the timeframe, there were fluctuations on the consuming time until it dropped to nearly one hour weekly in 2007.  
  
Regarding to other leisure activities like going to pubs and shopping ,the figures showed significant leaps, especially discos time rocketing to around ten more hours from 2002 to 2007. The remaining activities fell gradually excepting for watching DVDs which recorded a rise of about 17 hours in 2004, however, 2007 witnessed a plunge of exactly 10 hours,nearly the same with the start of the period.  
  
*
You forgot to indicate that this is a color coded bar chart and that the comparisons were to be done per activity, based on the year indicated in the graph for the activity. That is a slight oversight that could have made the data presentation more precise and actually could have helped you present a clearer comparison for the reader and increased the TA score for your work. Good work with the analysis just the same though.  
  
I believe that you went overtime with the writing of this analysis essay. You wrote over 200 words. Since you only have 20 minutes to complete this task, the most you could have written, while allowing time for review and editing, would have been between 175-200 words. Please make sure to time yourself during the practice runs. Make sure that you leave at least 3-5 minutes for the review and editing of your work. It is important that you review and edit so that you can correct any errors that could affect your final score in an overall capacity. Why am I asking you to do that?  
  
Well, in this essay, you used several run-on sentences, which would have dramatically decreased your GRA and C&C score. The length of the sentence will not improve your score if it leaves the examiner confused about the information being presented. You need to be clear in your data presentation and the best way to do that is to make sure you have only one topic per sentence and one explanation per sentence. Don't try to do too much in every sentence. Keep it simple, your score will be better for it.