dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***Many developing countries are currently expanding their tourism industries.***  
## Why is this case? Is it a positive development?

  
  
Nowadays, investment in tourism industries plays as a vital role in some developing countries. Although it has own reasons, I think that there are many effects both positive and negative.  
  
It is considered to have following causes of pouring money to tourism general. First, local potentials are exploited therefore people have their job opportunities and the unemployment rate would decrease. Moreover, native residents could also communicate, get together with foreigners without oversea. By the way, it broaden knowledge people do not have conditions to go abroad. Second, this investment is a primary intention of government. They want to open and enhance international relations by tourism, which could show their cultures, valuable resources in order to get attention on other countries investors. These strategies lead to the developing countries' economic grow advance by co-operation.  
  
However, if government overexpand their tourism industries, local nature and resources might be drained. Due to many tourists' unawareness of protect environment, it may result in the bad pollution in developing countries. For instance, in Viet Nam, many beautiful beaches are vulnerable by tourists. Furthermore, this investment is also harmful to local resources, which are overexploitation in order to build entertainment centers, resorts. As long as these man-made constructions increases, the beauty of nature would disappear. Equally issues, developing countries' economic depends on tourism so some other industries could do not improve enough. Overall, in my opinion, there are many drawbacks of pouring money to this business, besides its main purposes.  
  
In conclusion, tourism is still a integral industry to invest by developing countries. I think it has own positive effects but government should not pay attention only it and fix its problems.
The discussion approach does not meet the prompt requirements. The discussion restatement is unrelated to the orginal topic:  
  
Original: Many developing countries are currently expanding their tourism industries.  
Restatement: ...investment in tourism industries plays as a vital role in some developing countries.  
  
The orginal is about tourism expansion. The writer misinterpreted the focus the relevance of tourism investment. This is an automatic failing paragraph as it does not reflect any aspect of the original topic. The writer also does not produce a clear opinion based on the single point of view requirement. The essay has already failed a major part of the test at this point. It is highly possible that the writer cannot garner enough passing scores in the remaining sections to pass the test.
***Countries around the world will be facing significant challenges relating not only to the environment, but population and education as well.  
What problems will your country face in the next ten years?  
## How can these problems be overcome*?**  
  
The world is changing rapidly as never before in the history of humanity. Each and every country experience difficulties due to this speedy progress nowadays. In this essay I would like to highlight the toughest challenges for Russia and offer my ways out of them.  
  
The first and foremost is urbanization. Less and less people want to settle down in small rural towns, mostly due to the absence of career perspectives. Consequently, big cities are growing non-stop and will continue to do so in the next 10 years. Megapolises in Russia need to be modified and even rebuilded in some cases. Currently the capacity of the roads is insufficient for the continiously growing population. This leads to traffic jams, longer commuting time for inhabitants, increased emmision of toxic gases into the atmoshpere. What should be done is the urgent building of new roads to unload the excisting ones. This task can only be accomplished by the government.  
  
The second big thing in Russia today is education. It is painfully apparent that modern curriculums of schools and universities are completely outdated. The faster we review what and how do we teach our kids, the better future they will have. The modern circumstances require from the person not only to know as much as possible, but to able to combine and create as well as switch easily between various activities. This is what Russian educational institutions do not teach, and it must be fixed urgently. Ministry of education should develop new standarts in order to give that kind of knowledge which will be useful in 10 years from now.  
  
To recapitulate, I see that it is the government which can update my country and make its population more competitive on the labour market and satisfied with the quality of life. Russia needs drastic changes in many spheres and there is not much what a single person can do.
In this essay I would like to highlight the toughest challenges for Russia and offer my ways out of them.  
Try to give direct responses to these questions as these will be the scoring basis for your opinion score. Where a yes or no question does not exist in the original instructions, direct topic responses are required in in place. Not directly answering lowers your task score.  
  
The first and foremost is urbanization.  
You forgot to insect the keyword "problem" as it relates to the topic sentence focus. The reader needs to know hour this is connected and relevant to the discussion.  
  
rebuilded  
Vocabulary error. Either rebuild or rebuilt would have been the proper keyword, depending on the sentence structure.  
  
big thing  
It is not a big thing but a predicament or dilemma. Word replacements for "problem".  
  
There is no summary conclusion in the presentation. The last paragraph opened a new discussion like instead. Open ended essay presentations normally recieve a negative score.
***School should not force children to learn a foreign language.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
In recent years, due to the tendency of international integration, students are obliged to study overseas languages in most schools. Therefore, that matter was debated for its indispensability. However, I believe that studying a novel language is a judicious determination but based on the willingness of each person.  
  
To begin with, a second language brings tremendous accomplishment to the apprenticeship. Essentially, the understanding through the period of studying that could break down the communication barrier. Indeed, people who have a basic knowledge of learning English that they can easily make friend with each other who come from various countries in the world. To explain it, the bilingual widen their friend's circle by talking in the most comfortable and "native way". Furthermore, the language exists a close relationship with the culture such as the way how to communicate, understand international art and literature, religion, cuisine, technical references, inferences, plays on words, and fashion that lead to expanding the culture of the mind. For example, the Japanese language has the word "komorebi," which means a phenomenon when sunlight is filtered through the leaves. So, with this word, a learner will get a Japanese approach to nature and beauty. Finally, according to the development of multiple multinationals, it is clear that the language certificates which is requisite necessary for enhancing the chance to apply for a job or get a high-paying job and take over a higher position.  
  
From another point of view, besides the benefits of studying a second language provides to whom to learn it, foreign language study is a millstone around student's neck since it is regarded as mandatory. This is caused by some reasons, some children do not seem to have natural abilities to learn a language that means they need to double times or more than that to catch up with the speed of the lecture. It takes too much time to study another language which is not property to their particularities of work in the future. For instance, these works: Structural engineer, Construction engineer, Electrical engineer that doesn't require an in-depth knowledge of the foreign language but in order to function they learn academic vocabulary simply. Consequently, the student who has crammed up a superfluous language which makes them are under a lot of pressure due to overload schoolwork and other necessary activities. It is no doubt that the rate of problem mental health and physical health among students has increased which leads to lessening effectiveness in the learning process.  
  
In conclusion, even though overseas languages are the ingredients to personal growth, children are still required to be optional instead of forcing them to study by the school because of their health.  
  
Thanks for your comment!
The prompt paraphrase is nowhere near the original discussion topic. The issue is whether students should be pressured or forced to learn a foreign language in school. It is not debating if foreign languages should be studied, which is what your paraphrase implies. There is also the incorrect discussion response being provided. There is no direct answer to the "extent" even as a discussion reason was provided. Answer the question frist then give the reason for it. Presenting your response otherwise will result in a failing task score based on a non-connected or irrelevant response.  
  
A strong focus on vocabulary has made the essay difficult to understand. Rather than having the required everyday conversational tone, the paper has a confusing academic tone to it. The confusion stems from the misuse of advanced English words in the presentation. The focus of the reader goes from the topic to word meaning instead. This distraction is a GRA failure based on undue reader stress.
## **In many countries around the world, life expectancy is increasing.**

  
  
*Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation and give your own opinion.*  
  
Nowadays, it is increasingly common for people to reach over the age of 70, which was once rare hundreds of years ago. With longer life expectancy, the old are able to live their lives to the fullest. However, many problems have been introduced with this trend, and it is necessary to address them with great care for the sake of a balanced society.  
  
On the bright sight, greater longevity helps everyone enjoy all the economic and technological development without the fear of passing away soon. Knowing that he/she would be able to reach pass the age of 70 or even 80 and have time for him/herself, a person could feel less stressful about the busy life that he/she is currently experiencing. This may ultimately lead to a happier society. Moreover, the aged population may become a valuable asset to the community as a whole. They could pass on all their treasured experience to the young, or they could even become a special workforce that helps in everyday life. For example, essential jobs such as taxi drivers and cleaners can be easily taken over by the older generation.  
  
Having said that, it is extremely important to look at the downsides of having a growing aged population. First, since old people are more prone to serious illnesses, they would put a great strain on the health care system. That means more funding needs to be raised just for them, and possibly leading to a lack of necessary investment in other key sectors like education and national defense. Besides, younger people also have to put a lot of time into taking care of their parents and grandparents, which would probably make them feel more stressful, as they have to devote all their time to work and family, while having none for themselves. This is probably one of the main causes of suicide that has been on the up in recent years.  
  
All in all, an improved life expectancy has both its benefits and downsides that every society has to pay serious attention to. While greater longevity may make people feel happier in their late adulthood, it may also put a great strain on the younger generation and also on the health care system and the economy as a whole. In the near future, it is essential for every government to have appropriate programs and regulations to tackle the problems, while also making good use of any benefits that come with an aged population.
which was once rare hundreds of years ago  
Avoid over-exaggerations that show a lack of historical knowledge. People have managed to live over a century in the past, though it was not as common as it is these days.To avoid such errors, never use a time frame reference for this and other similar discussion themes.  
  
he/she  
Try to use genderless third person pronouns instead. They, them are quite acceptabh in these essays and are part and parcel of the GRA scoring considerations. By default though , the unknown gender is always a male so "he" would have been the more solid and less confusing gender reference.  
  
They could pass on  
A much better and clearer discussion reference point. keep the neutral gender tone in your future essays.  
  
This is probably one of the main causes of suicide that has been on the up in recent years.  
Do not deviate from the topic focus.This is an unrelated topic and needs further discussion, seperately. It will not be scored.
## Charts analysis task

  
  
The charts below show how selected age groups purchased concert cinema and theatre tickets online over the first three months of 2006 in three countries and how the Internet was accessed.  
  
The bar chart plots the purchase of concert cinema and theatre tickets of two age brackets (25-44, 65+) on the internet through desktop computer, laptop or mobile phone in January, February, March in 2006 in Australia, UK, Malaysia.  
  
In general, the younger group obtained more tickets on the web than the older one, except for Malaysia. The highest total number of people was recorded in Australia while the reserve was true for Malaysia. All three countries were most likely to acquire the tickets from desktop computer, least likely from mobile phone, and among them, Malaysia had the most access to every means.  
  
As regards to the 25-44 age group, Australia equaled UK in the percentage of purchasers, about 65%, moderately higher than Malaysian (nearly 40%). However, in the other category, there was a minor disparity as 40% people in UK bought tickets online, the same as Malaysia whereas Australia still remained the highest.  
  
When it comes to the method to buy tickets, the most popular is by desktop computer, with a vast majority of roughly 60% or more users per nations. Laptop and mobile phone is less typical. There were not as much usage of laptop in the UK as in Australia and Malaysia, 30% and 40% respectively. The utilization of mobile phone, on the other hand, is quite even, with Malaysia slightly higher.  
  
*
and how the Internet was accessed.  
This is a topic usrelated to the first image. It must be presented as a seperate sentence so as not to confuse the first image representation. This is a confusing sentence that will recieve grammar deductions due to a confusing statement presentation. This is a severe error that continues in the the trending statement / paragraph. I am afraid this will be a major concern during the actual test and lead to a failing final score.  
  
The writer has made a clear effort to present a professional report. This will not be lost on the examiner. However, the lack of clear reporting style is what will weigh heavily on the final scoring considerations.
The charts **below** (nothing is below in the answer sheet) show how selected age groups *in three countries* purchased concert ... ~~over the first ...~~ ~~in three countries~~ through 3 means and **how the Internet was accessed** *over the first three months of 2006*.  
  
... of two age brackets **(25-44, 65+)** (we are not encouraged to put information in brackets) ... through desktop computer**s**,...  
  
... ~~the~~ younger groups obtained more tickets **on the web** on websites than  ~~the~~ older one~~s~~, ~~except for Malaysia~~. *Besides*, The highest ~~total~~  number of ~~people~~ ticket-online-buyers ... ~~All three countries ... phones~~ (as we will mention the trend of means below so there is no need to put them here). ~~Among three ... every means~~.  
  
... higher than Malaysian *one* (nearly 40%). ... as 40% *of the UK population* ~~people in UK~~ bought ...  
  
... the most popular is *resorting to the help of* by desktop ... per nation, *unlike* Laptop and mobile phone ~~are less typical~~. *The usage of*  ~~There were not as much usage of~~ laptops in ...  
  
Here is my comment to your writing. I do think this is good writing, and you still need to extend their grammatic ranges and your sentence structures.  
  
Great job
***Some people believe that tourism promotes the economy while other argue that tourism destroy the environment.***  
## Discuss both views.

  
  
Tourism proponents believe that promoting tourism is an effective way to boost the economy of a country, whereas others focus on the point that tourism involves directly to the environmental concerns, opposing the idea of developing tourism. From a neutral perspective, tourism is actually capable of having both positive and negative influences.  
  
On the one hand, financial merits that tourism brings are massive. Let us take Thailand as a typical example. As reported on Thailandnews.com on 24 January in 2019, the industry was a major contributor to the country's economy, accounting for about 5,65 percent (or 5,6 billion dollars) of the gross domestic product (GDP). Not only that, tourism was also one of Thailand's largest sectors of employment, creating jobs for over 4 million people in the year. Amidst Covid-19 pandemic in 2020, great lack of tourists, leading to the rate of unemployment increasing, seemed to be one of the reasons of social unrest, many protests in the country.  
  
On the other hand, tourism, as other human activities, poses a great threat to the environment. As the industry develops, many hotels and restaurants are constructed to meet travelers' demands. This activity not only leads to depleting of natural resources, but also sabotages the fauna and flora by reason of the need of land. Secondly, tourists often have a penchant for over-consumption in their indulgent moments when travelling. This means they are more likely to consume more products and then dispose more waste such as food and plastic containers, increasing their carbon footprint and affecting negatively the surroundings.  
  
In sum, tourism is advantageous yet disadvantageous since simultaneously it brings economic development and the environmental problems. (275)
From a neutral perspective, tourism is actually capable of having both positive and negative influences.  
The prompt provided only indicates a paraphrasing of the 2 original ideas. It is not asking for the willis opinion ora neutral puspective. Without specific instructions asking for this, this sentence should not be included in the presentation. Unless, you provided me with an incomplete writing prompt?  
  
As reported on Thailandnews.com on 24 January in 2019  
There is no need for research cited information in the presentation. All evidence must be based on personal knowledge. experience or publicly known information. To create a publicly know information from this, the source material should be removed. There will not be time for you to do research during the 40 minute test. Niether will you have internet access at the testing center. Practice without research.  
  
In sum, tourism is advantageous yet disadvantageous since simultaneously it brings economic development and the environmental problems.  
The discussion must be neutral. The essay does not require you to come to a conclusion for the reader. Therefore, topic restatements with reasons are needed for the concluding summary, but not a conclusion. Your job as the writer is only to inform the reader, allowing him to decide for himself.
Hi guys, it's my very first time trying with ielts writing task2. Can you help me evaluate this essay? What band can i receive? Thanks a lot  
  
**Question 2  
*Fossil fuel is the main souce of energy. In some countries, the use of alternative sources of energy is encouraged.***  
## Is this a positive or negative development?

  
  
Answer: There is no denying that fossil fuels are the major source of energy in many nations; however, in some parts of the world, the use of renewable sources such as solar or wind power is being promoted. From my perspective, the switch towards using alternative sources of energy could be seen as a positive development due to the following reasons.  
  
To begin with, unlike fossil fuels which require millions of years to replenish, natural sources such as wind or solar power are everlasting. In fact, these days, the world's population is becoming alarmingly high which leads to a significant increase in demands for fossil fuels for energy. This means these valuable resources will soon dwindle away and the country's economy will be put in jeopardy if there are no alternative sources to replace. Therefore, the shifting towards using alternative sources of energy benefits not only the country's economy but also its citizens in the long run.  
  
Furthermore, I believe that the most prominent advantage of renewable energy is its eco-friendliness. The combustion of fossil fuels has long been believed to be the main culprit of air pollution as nowadays, a great amount of toxic gases from factories and vehicles are emitted into the atmosphere, leading to climate change which results in severe disasters such as floods, droughts and so on. As a result, by using alternative sources of energy in lieu of fossil fuels, several environmental problems will be mitigated as it helps to reduce our dependency on conventional sources of energy.  
  
In conclusion, from the aforementioned reasons, I contend that the changes towards using renewable energy would benefit both humans and the environment in the long run.
There is no denying  
Review the original prompt topic. Nowhere in the presentation are you being asked if the topic is true or false. Do not change the topic presentation by adding a personal . to it. This will be seen as a prompt deviation and will score down the paragraph due to restatement inaccuracy.  
  
Good work on the reasoning paragraphs. These are all sensible and publicly supported opinions. The examples provided are relevant and the connectivity of the discussion paragraphs are clear to the reader.  
  
More work is needed on the concluding summary though. A rvin. on sentence was used in the presentation. The paragraph format requires 3-5 sentences, or at least 40 words in 2 sentences. This requirement is used for proper reverse paraphrasing and clarity of reasoning summary presentation.