dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hi, Naelendra :)  
  
Relocation is the accustomed weight bunch of ...  
*It is better to pay more attention on capitalization. Honestly, I am confused with this statement since it contains a bunch of words. You should simplify them so that people can understand it straightforward.*  
  
Journey is an admirable example of how nature has responded to the biological essential (...) to strain and elevatejuvenile.  
*inappropriate word, juvenile means a young person*  
  
The ~~the~~ majority of ordinary (...) involves traveling to ~~advanced~~higher latitudes ~~to bread for the period (...) to minor latitudes to bread~~for breeding during the warm season,*need comma*  
  
and then they return~~returning~~ to lower latitudes during ... ~~throughout resettlement the majority bird fly for a partial stage each day. probably concerning six to eight hours.~~
Salman Khan criticizes the traditional academic model when the teacher gives many homework to students and teacher judge the student based on the score they get. In real life, the traditional academic model is unacceptable. For example, when a contractor gives an order to workers for build a foundation, and he said "do it as you can" and when the workers did not give the best result the contractor just give a bad score to them.  
  
Salman Khan stated that traditional academic model constructs a pyramid society, while in a base of the pyramid there are many people for human labor purposes. In the middle of the pyramid is consist of information processing or bureaucracy class, and top of the pyramid are consist of capital owner or entrepreneurs. In communication era, many people have access to information but the majority didn't participate in technology. Meanwhile, just fewer people know how to operate a technology or do something aspirational.
Hai Jonathan  
You've done well, but there are several inputs for you.  
  
... teacher gives many homework**s** to students and**the** teacher judge**s** the student**s**. **B**~~b~~ ased on the score they get.  
... an order to workers for build**ing** a foundation, and he said(...) as they expected ~~give the best result~~ the contractor just give ~~a~~ bad score to them.
Hi Yonathan,after reading your summary, i have some suggestions, perhaps useful for you.  
1. ... based on the score they ~~get.~~ got  
2. In real life---> in the real life  
3.Salman Khan ~~stated~~ that traditional academic model ... -----> better if you use argued  
4.give the best result the contractor just give a bad score to them.---> dont forget to put comma,be carreful with your punctuation
Hai Jonathan  
You've done well, but there are several inputs for you.  
  
... model when the teacher give~~s~~ many homeworks to students and teacher judge the students based on the score they have~~get~~got .  
... best result the contractor just ~~give~~gave a bad score to them.  
  
... model constructs a pyramid society~~,~~.~~w~~W hile in a base of the pyramid...  
In the middle of the pyramid ~~is~~ consist of information processing or bureaucracy ~~class~~groups , and top of the pyramid ~~are~~ consist of capital owners or entrepreneurs. In communication era, many people have to access ~~to~~the information but the majority ~~didn't~~did not participate in technology. Meanwhile, just fewer of people know how (...) something aspiration~~al.~~
Hello Yonathan,  
  
... traditional academic model ***method*** when the teacher gives many homework**S** to students and ~~teacher~~ judge**S** the student**S** based on ..  
... traditional academic model **concept** is unacceptable.  
... an order to workers for build**ing** a foundation, (...) and when **then if** the workers did not give the best result**,** the contractor just give ~~a~~ bad score**S** to them.  
  
... while in a **the** base of the pyramid ...  
... operate a technology or do something ~~aspirational.~~**inspirational**  
  
**Good Luck!**
Hi Yonathan, here's another one from my end.  
  
- model when the teacher gives ~~many~~loads of homework  
- to students and teachers, judge the student  
- base~~d~~ on the score they get.  
- order to workers ~~for~~to build a foundation  
- "do it as you can" ~~and~~, now when the workers  
- did not ~~give~~deliver the best result, the contractor ~~just~~can~~give a bad score to~~rate them badly .  
  
- Salman Khan stated that, traditional academic  
- while in ~~a~~the base of the pyramid  
- ~~there are many~~ people ~~for~~are forced to~~human~~unnecessary labor purposes.  
- ~~In the~~The middle of the pyramid  
- and the top of the pyramid ~~are~~  
- consist of a capital owner or entrepreneurs.  
- In communication - based era, many people  
- know how to operate ~~a~~the technology or do  
  
There you have it Yonathan, I advise that you consider writing drafts and not necessarily a prompt to answer, this way you will be able to practice writing more and as I keep stressing it and I will stress further, that the punctuation marks, however minor, are very important to complete and give a full meaning to your sentences.
Hi Yonathan,  
  
I have some notes to your first paragraph. Hopefully can help you.  
  
... homework to students and ~~teacher~~(it's still in one sentence, you don't need to write "teacher" again. It cause too many repetition) judge the student based on the score they get.  
  
For example(I suggest you to utilize advance grammar: For Instance) , when a contractor gives ...  
  
......and he said(,) "do it as you can" .... (you have to use comma before quotation mark for quoting speech)
Hi Yonathan,  
  
... teacher gives many homeworkS to students and teacher ...  
In ~~real life~~fact , the traditional academic ...  
... gives an order to his workers for buildING a foundation, and he said (...), the contractor ~~just~~will give a bad score to them.  
  
While in a base of the pyramid there (...) labor purposes, in the middle of the (...) top of the pyramid ~~are~~is consist of capital ...  
.., many people have an access to get information but the...  
  
Hopefully it helps.
Salman Khan ~~criticizes~~criticized the traditional academic model when the teacher ~~gives~~gave many homework to students(full stop .)~~and~~ teacher ~~judge~~judged the student based on the score they ~~get~~got. In real life, the traditional academic model ~~is~~was unacceptable. For example, when a contractor ~~gives~~gave an order to the workers ~~for~~to build a foundation, (...) the best result (comma ,) the contractor just ~~give~~gave a bad score to them.  
  
... traditional academic model ~~constructs~~constructed a pyramid society, (...) the pyramid (comma ,) there ~~are~~ were many people ...  
In the middle of the pyramid (comma ,) it~~is~~ consisted of information processing ...  
... many people have access to the information but the majority ....  
... how to operate a technology or do ~~something~~ aspirational things.
**Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think might be effective?**  
  
One of the best solution to solve congestion and emission problems is by making a policy to raise the price of petrol. This essay is agree with such an initiative view because increasing the price of petrol will make people rarely to use private car and moved to public transportation so that the traffic and pollution will reduce significantly. Other measures which might be effective are making economist public transportation and carpooling.  
  
Raising the price of petrol will solve the congestion and pollution problems because it is too expensive to purchase petrol. More inhabitants will prefer to use public transportation then the pollution will reduce. In my own experience, when government increase the price of petrol in 2013, I used motorcycle to go to the places i need to go. Although it is uncomfortable and i feel cold when it rains but I still prefer to use it due to its cheaper price. Despite this, many inhabitants still use petrol although it is expensive because it is more comfortable to use private cars.  
  
Alternatively, government can built public transportation in which have lower price and poor people can afford it. Right now, many citizen are using train to commute to work. Government can use such condition to reduce the price of train ticket so more people will use train. They also can make a policy to do carpool. This policy is succeed in California, many people are doing carpool in order to reduce number of traffic and pollution. After the carpool is held the number of congestion is reduce gradually and the amount of pollution also declined slightly.  
  
In conclusion, by increasing the price of petrol, making a cheaper public transportation, and carpooling can help government to reduce the number of congestion and pollution problems which is caused by private cars.
According to a study by Michael Farrell and his team at Monash University in Australia, our body have a mechanism in controlling our fluid intake, on top of our conscious feelings of thirst. If we are dehydrated, swallowing is effortless; if we are overhydrated, swallowing feels more difficult. Farrell and his team asked a volunteer to rate the sensation of taking a small sip of water, they found that people who had drunk a lot of water took much more effort to swallow than those who were mildly hydrated.  
  
When people were overhydrated, brain scans showed that swallowing was linked with more activity in certain regions of the brain, including the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for conscious thought processes. Farrell says that the discovery is further evidence that controversial advice to deliberately drink fluids is wrong. Farrell says even people doing exercise just need to drink according to their thirst.
Hi Yonathan !  
  
According to a study **conducted** by Michael Farrell and his team ~~at~~**in** Monash (...), our body ~~have~~**has** a mechanism in (...), on top of our conscious feeling~~s~~ of thirst.  
  
... if we are ~~overhydrated~~**over - hydrated**, swallowing feels more difficult.  
  
When people were ~~overhydrated~~**over-hydrated**, ~~brain scans~~**scanning brain** showed that swallowing ...  
Farrell says that ~~the~~**these**discovery is further evidence ~~that~~**which** controversial **to**advice ~~to deliberately~~ drink fluids **deliberately** is wrong. ~~Farrell~~Moreover he says even people ...  
  
note :  
  
I believe that you work hard to make this summary so I appreciate your job. However, here some tips for you :  
-you need to reduce your redundancy ( using Farrell says more than twice)  
-some sentences are not in a good shape so you better to learn about create a better sentence  
  
good luck!
Logging industry makes several decays such living environment destruction, pollution, and clime change. Like terrene creatures, aquatic creatures are becoming extinct by deforestation. Trees shade all organism on the ground underneath their strong parts of body. The canopy of branches and leaves avoid superficies runoff by retard heavy rainfall, thus the water could not fall to the earth directly. Roots of the trees could stabilize the soil and help to avoid attrition. Symbiotic mutualism occurs when well ground boost root growth and microbe activity that help the trees grow well.  
  
Aquatic habitats can be damaged by logging as well. Falling ground and other residue can be intercepted by vegetation along stream. The eroding earth which containing organic things can drain more oxygen. It makes fish and other animals killed due to decimation oxygen.  
  
Trees become natural defenses of pollution in the air. The leaves of trees filtering pollutants from air and also get rid of carbon dioxide from the atmosphere. If the carbon dioxide airborne, which they can alloy with acid rain and water vapour, it will be generate quality of water round streams and along of river. In healthy forest ecosystem, trees protect to mitigate evaporation when they dragging haze from the ground into the atmosphere. Moreover, deforestation sway rainfall scheme and it leads to severe flooding and forest fires. Logging is an enormous actor behind global warming. In short, responsible logging over tropical rainforests would preserve next generations.
Hello Washisa,  
I would like to give some correction on your essay.  
  
1. This sentence should be " The eroding earth which is containing organic ...".  
2. This sentence "If the carbon dioxide airborne..." should be "If the carbon dioxide mix with acid rain and water vapour, it will be generate quality of water round streams and along of river".  
  
3. This sentence "Logging is an enormous ..." should be "It is an enormous actor behind global warming".  
Explanation: You have mentioned logging in the first paragraph on your essay, so you have to substitute 'logging' in the last of your essay being 'it'.  
  
Keep writing Washisa :)
Hai asma  
it is a great essay  
I have several suggestions for you  
hope it helps  
  
Logging industry makes several decay~~s~~ such as living environment destruction, pollution, and ~~clime~~climate change.  
  
... underneath their strong parts of the body.  
*The canopy of branches and leaves*  
**the branches and leaves of canopy**  
  
Falling ground and other residueS can be (...) along THE stream.  
  
... it will ~~be~~ generate quality of water A round streams ...  
  
In THE healthy forest ecosystem, ...  
Moreover, deforestation swayS rainfall scheme and it leads ...  
Logging is an enormous F actor behind global warming.  
  
thanks
**The diagram below shows the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
The diagrams display the steps and all materials, which involved in the process of manufacturing cement, and continue to create concrete for contraction purposes. Overall, on creating cement, which the primary ingredients on making concrete, company have to make sure that all the stages is standardize.  
  
First, limestone and clay are crushed by mixer machine to become powder. Next stage is the powder is heated to the proper temperature by rotating heater and the finally the powder is crushed by grinder so cement is already make it. And the cement packaged by using bags. Now the cement is ready to sell or use it on making concrete.  
  
The next step is how to make concrete. The first stage is mixing 15% cements, 10% water, 25 sands, 50% gravel or small stones and mixed by put it together in concrete machine. After that we just wait until the entire ingredient are mixed and ready to use for construction purposes. Every single step is needed to watch by the constructed expert.  
  
*
Migration is the common movement of wildlife their reproduce land and their living areas during throughout the years. This essential natural activity affect to evolved species and it can serve the necessary form for breed and grow juvenile. Bird migration is the most fascinating migration for observer in this century.  
  
General pattern of bird migration is moving to higher latitudes for reproduce through the warm monsoon and they will turn back to lower latitudes in non-breeding time. Thus, they can make a nest and feeding the youth in conducive areas with this form of migration. Bird could migrate to a certain place that far away from their origin place. For instance, trans-equatorial migration is the arctic tern. It means breeding in the arctic territory and winters in Antarctic waters. They have to travel as far as 24,000 miles throughout a year during the process of migration. It must not take in long distance for bird migration. There are some species exhibit altitudinal migrations that typical of many grouse species. They are breeding in higher prominence, nearby or the summit of mountains, when they spend the non-breeding time nearby valley and or proximate low country.  
  
The time periods of bird migration are different which based on their track. When they pass through the wide surface of water and other wide land as deserts and mountains, they have to take much longer period to get to their destination. On the other hands, most of birds fly for a narrow time around six to eight hours for every single day and tend to flying only for few hundred miles.  
  
In this days, the observer find out fascinating observations which all migratory birds have a capability in natural navigation to reach their migration spot. Nocturnal migrants are tend to flying at night and rely on to stars for their navigational; In contrast, Diurnal migrants are tend to traveling during the day and make the sun to be their sign.
hi @WasishaSisha  
i have little bit suggestion to make better your essay. is it ok right ?  
  
This essential natural activity affect to ~~evolved~~ ( you have to write down V1 namely EVOLVE due to the fact that the end of "to" it must be V1) species and it can (you can reduce the word, it is ok to write just and serve ..... because you use conjunction and) serve the necessary form for ...  
  
Nocturnal migrants ~~are~~ tend (tend is categorized class word VERB you should erase the aux "are") to ~~flying~~ (it must FLY because you use to, and the end of t "to" is V1) at night and rely on to stars
AN ARTIST'S UNFLICHING LOOK AT RACIAL VIOLENCE  
  
Recently, more of artist's in America getting discrimination in their life between black and white ras. In 2005, one of the black ras arts's created six thousand glasses x symbol mind and spirit with details architecture and good materials, but they get the shokcing experience, the glasess color had been changed by buyer and be becoming insulation in the home. This is caused by global industry in the USA which every body free to do something about their thing without considering the brand of art. The speaker said, he created painting video with high performances to depict the life of black ras in USA. This video illustrates the phenomena of the black arts's judgement. Some day, they created a vodoo, to find out the materials they should be arounding the world, they think of that the vodoo very valuable. However after the vodo fisnish the american buy it and than change the color to shoot it with the gun and the bom. Seeing on this phenomenon the black art's feel unfair. It is not about industry. It is about real
Hello Bams,  
  
Recently, more of artist's in America getting discrimination in their life ...NEED VERB.  
  
In 2005, one of the black ras arts's created six thousand glasses x symbol ... TOO LONG, NEED CONJUCTION SUCH AS THAT OR WHICH  
  
This video ~~illustrates~~ILUSTRATED (PAST) the phenomena of ...  
  
... the american buy it and ~~than~~THEN change the color to ...  
  
... phenomenon the black art's ~~feel~~FELT unfair.  
  
hope these help
Migration is usual mobility of animals especially birds, and they will fly hundreds and thousands of kilometers to find the best conditions and habitats for feeding, breeding and raising their young. They will fly to other regions where conditions are better, and when the conditions at breeding sites become unfavorable. Furthermore, there are many different migration patterns of birds in the world. The majority of birds migrate from Northern Hemisphere which is the breeding areas existing, to Southern Hemisphere that wintering grounds being. However, some birds breed in southern parts of Africa continent and migrate to Northern wintering grounds, or horizontally, to enjoy the milder coastal climates in winter. Other birds reside on low-level lands during the winter months and move up a mountain for the summer. Also, there are nocturnal and diurnal migrants of birds. In nocturnal migrants, those birds rely on the illumination of stars for navigation in the night. Contrarily, in diurnal migrants, they migrate during the day and rely on the sun to find the place that their migration aim is located.
Hi Asma!  
  
Migration is **an** usual **for**~~mobility of~~ animals **mobility** especially birds, ~~and~~**which** they ~~will~~ fly hundreds thousands (...) and raising their ~~young~~**~~chicks~~**. They ~~will~~ fly to other regions where **the**conditions are better, ~~and~~**or**when the conditions at ...  
  
... that wintering grounds ~~being~~**located**.  
... lands during the winter**s**~~months~~ and ~~move~~**moving** up a mountain ...  
... illumination of stars for navigation ~~in the~~**at** night.  
.., they migrate during ~~the~~a day and rely on the sun ...
Hello, Asma :)  
  
Migration is a usual mobility *(need an article)* of animals, especially birds, and ...  
  
They will fly to other regions where the conditions are ...  
When dealing with unfavorable conditions, they will fly to other regions where provide better environment for breeding.  
  
... from Northern Hemisphere ~~which is~~where the breeding areas is existing, to Southern ...  
  
... months and move up ~~a~~to the mountain ~~for~~during the summer.  
  
~~In nocturnal migrants,~~ Those nocturnal migrants birds rely on the illumination ...  
  
s]Contrarily, in In contrast to diurnal migrants, (...) on the sun to find their destinations.~~the place that their migration aim is located.~~
Baya said once that loneliness is an emotional state that we have when we feel disconnected, loneliness is a public health crisis which affected one of five American peoples. In order to overcome the loneliness and fell connected with other people, someone has to feel seen, heard, and valued ourselves and it can be achieved through ritual. Ritual does not always about the religious practice but as something that we already do day-a-day.  
  
Many peoples with same hobby or interest can build a ritual to fulfil a necessity to share with other people and ritual can expand our capacity for kindness and compassion. Baya stated that people do not have to change to build a connection, find something you are already doing with your friends and family and do thing over and over again
Hi, there :)  
  
... have when we feel disconnected,.*no comma, but period.*  
  
... affected one of five American people~~s~~ .  
  
In order to overcome the loneliness and to fell connected with other (...), and valued himself, and it can be ...  
  
... the religious practice, but it is such routine every day.~~as something that we already do day-a-day.~~  
  
Many people~~s~~ with same hobby or interest can ~~build~~hold/perform a ritual  
  
Note: you should pay more attention on singular plural and punctuation.
Night Yonathan. is it if i give correction for you ?  
this is my correction.  
  
~~Baya said once that loneliness~~ (you can paraphrase it Baya said, The loneliness ..... it is more effective sentence) is an emotional state that we have ~~when we feel disconnected~~ ( i can get the point, is it true ? if i change to be "when we feel alienated ", loneliness is a public health crisis (...) and it can be achieved (as grammar you should write down "noun" it should be ACHIVEMENT ) through ritual.
Hello Yonathan :)  
  
Baya said ~~once~~ that loneliness is (...) feel disconnected~~,~~(full stop)**.**L oneliness is a public health crisis which affected on one of five American ~~peoples.~~ people. (remember, people already plural, so you do not need to add 's')  
  
... the loneliness and ~~fell~~feeling connected with other (...), and valued ~~ourselves~~ his self and it can be ...  
... the religious practice but also~~as~~ something that we ...  
  
Many ~~peoples~~people with same hobby or (...) with other people ~~and~~(full stop) . ritual can expand ~~our~~people capacity for ...