dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Question  
The graph and table below give information about water use worldwild and water consumption in two different countries.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
## water usage of the different sectors in the world

  
  
The graph compares water use of the different sectors in the world including agriculture, industrial use and domestic use, from the year 1900 to 2000. The table illustrates Brazil and Congo consume the amount of water in 2000.  
  
Overall, the amount of water consumption was an upward trend in all three sectors between 1900 and 2000. Brazil experienced higher water consumption for each person than Congo.  
  
The water consumption for agriculture was around 500km3 in the year 1900, and steadily increased to approximately 3000 km3 in 2000 which is the most amount than other sectors. In 1900, industrial and domestic use consumed around 100km3. And then, the amount of these two sectors gradually rose around 800km3 and 400 km3, respectively.  
  
The table shows that Brazil had 176 million people with 26500km2 irrigated area and the water consumption for each person was 259m3 in 2000. In the meantime, there were 5.2 million population with 100m3 agriculture area and 8m3 water consumption per person is calculated in Congo.  
  
* 
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This is just casual 5 minute writing practise! Structure isn't much of big deal because I'm just writing to improve my language techniques! Today's topic for me is: ## What does it mean to be my nationality?

  
  
Australians are stereotyped as those hooligans in the outback. Us, Australians are much more than you think. Being an Aussie is to be unique, it is a part of my identity. I might not ride a kangaroo to school, but the flora and fauna here are so unique. There's the Tasmanian Devil, Wombat, Kangaroo, Platypus, Koala, there are so many I could ramble on for days. Our languages are so unique we casually throw around the phrase "Dead Horse" (ketchup) on a picnic. We also shortened the British "Good day to you, madam!" to "G'day mate! Let's put a shrimp on the barbie." Australia is also a very multicultural place. around 28.2% of Australia's population were born overseas, according Australian Bureau Of Statistics. Imagine all these people of different ethnicities! I might not be a a typical Aussie Bogan, but mate, Australia is my home. From the animals to the language to the way multicultralism has bought us together. Being Australian to me means that I am unique.
Yet again a highly entertaining piece of writing from you. This is fun to read and it does take the reader on the journey of what it means to be an Aussie. However, I find that there are some points in the presentation where additional information is required before the information that you present. For example, when you said that most of the Aussies are mostly born overseas, then you say that you are not a typical Aussie, I take that to mean that you were not born in Australia. So why not identify where you came from so that when you say you may not be a typical Aussie Bogan, the reader knows what you are talking about. That's the only part that I actually find a bit hard to understand in your writing due to what I feel, is a missing reference to connect the two statements.
Please comment on the following argumentative GRE essay. This is my first attempt at it. Please provide feedback specially in relation to whether I have answered the essay task or whether I have gone tangentially.  
  
Essay task-  
  
The following is taken from a memo from the advertising director of the Super Screen Movie Production Company.  
  
*According to a recent report from our marketing department, during the past year, fewer people attended Super Screen-produced movies than in any other year. And yet the percentage of positive reviews by movie reviewers about specific Super Screen movies actually increased during the past year. Clearly, the contents of these reviews are not reaching enough of our prospective viewers. Thus, the problem lies not with the quality of our movies but with the public's lack of awareness that movies of good quality are available. Super Screen should therefore allocate a greater share of its budget next year to reaching the public through advertising.*  
  
My essay  
  
## Super Screen-produced movies attendance

  
  
The argument stated in the paragraph does not make a very persuasive case. While its believable that a share of movie-goers may not be aware of the quality movies available at the Super Screen movies, it does not seem likely that this is the sole reason for the fewer foottfall at the cinema in the past year.  
  
Before arriving at the conclusion that funding for advertising should be increased so that more movie goers come to know that there are quality movies available at Super screen movies, one must answer a few questions to evaluate the veracity of this assumption. First, the production company must find if any new cinema has opened in the neighborhood where Super screen movies is. It is probable that a new movie theatre with better amenities could give a stiff competition to an old movie theatre. One must also find if any existing cinema theatre in the city has, in the past year acquired better sound or picture technology or has done infrastructural renovation. Cinema viewers value the complete experience and sometimes watching a quality movie is just a part of it.  
  
Secondly the production company must also find out if during the last year, people have been exposed to an alternate home movie watching experience for example, the blu-ray. Many erstwhile cinema goers now swear by the visual appeal of the blu-ray DVDs. They also realize that its more convenient and economical than going to a movie theatre. In such cases, usually the home movie watching increases after the advent of the new technology but when the newly aroused interest fades away, cinema lovers resume going to movie theatres. So Super screen movie should observe the trend of attendance for a few years before forming any conclusions.  
  
Answering the aforementioned questions will help the Super screen movie to find the real cause of fewer attendees. It would prevent them from wasting money on unnecessary advertising when the real problem may lie elsewhere like improving infrastructure, amenities, technology etc.
Hi. Somaya, You need to provide the full prompt to get better feedback on your essays. Apart from that, I think you did not fully paraphrase the situation in your introduction.  
  
The argument ~~stated in the paragraph~~ in the preceding statement ~~does not make a~~is not very persuasive ~~case~~.  
~~for example, the blu-ray~~ like Blu-ray  
~~foottfall~~footfall  
~~movie goers~~ moviegoers  
~~Super screen~~  
Secondly**,**  
Since the prompt is not complete, there is not much to say about the whole essay but your paragraphs lack coherence and sentences are difficult to understand.  
  
Hope these are helpful.
Somya, I am afraid my review of your essay is not good. You score a 0 in this instance because your response is off topic. The argument you were provided indicates that Super Screen is a movie production company. That means the company makes movies. They do not show movies. You mistook the name of the company for a movie theater company. A movie theater company is the company that shows the movies made by the movie production companies. You had an error in understanding the actual meaning of the term 'movie production company" and this led you to misdirect your discussion in the essay. Such a misdirection caused you discuss the topic in a manner that made the prompt go off topic. Which is why you were scored a 0 in this case. Please be very careful abut the way you write the essays. Make sure that you understand what the topic being discussed is all about. When you make a mistake with that, you end up with an off topic and failing score in the essay.
*A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research.*  
  
Answer:  
  
## using animals for people's needs

  
  
It has become a debatable topic increasingly in number of people think that animals should get rights as people and animals should not be used by mankind. On the contrary, others dispute that humans must utilize animals to fulfill their various demands, including uses for nutriment and experimentation. This essay will discuss both views.  
  
With regards to the exploitation of animals, people believe it is acceptable for few reasons. Firstly, scientist develop method to mitigate pain and discomfort suffered by animals during scientific experiment. For instance, injection of drug on animals carried out by researcher before inception of experimentation. Furthermore, make use of animal is crucial to invent new medicine to cure illness. This is because when a new drug or surgical technique developed, many believe that it is unethical to use first on human-being as it may cause harm rather than good. Instead, the drug and technique is tested in animals to ensure that it is safe and effective.  
  
However, many people disagree employment of animals for human needs. Firstly, it is unnecessary to kill animals for food. A healthy diet is possible without eating meat. For instance, human could get adequate nutrients from nut, seed, soy product , vegetable and fruit. Secondly, the lives of animal s should be respected. Animals are also living creatures in the earth, and as such animals deserved rights to be respected. That is to say animals have consciousness and empathy, like human-beings possess. They do know who their friends are and who their rivals are.  
  
In conclusion, I agree completely humans do not own the rights to exploit animal to fulfill their own needs. If human decrease the utilization of animals, all the living creatures in the world could live peacefully.
Guan, you did not provide the complete original prompt along with your response to the essay. You have only indicated the topic sentence and the basis for the discussion. You neglected to provide the discussion instructions so it will be difficult for me to give an accurate review of your essay based upon your presented work. I am not sure if you have actually completed the essay based on the proper instructions at this point. So the only parts that I can review here will be the opening statement and the conclusion as those do not require instruction guidelines as the body of the essay does.  
  
Your opening statement is a confusing paraphrase of the original. For one thing, there is no indication that this topic is debatable as the indication is that it is simply a matter of a difference of opinion between people. That is highly different from a debatable topic. Unfortunately, without the full original prompt, I am unable to help you by providing you with a more accurate example of how to write that part of the essay. As such, I also cannot assess if the body discussion you provided is sufficient based upon the original discussion instructions.  
  
Your closing paragraph is inaccurate as you proceeded to discuss your personal opinion in the concluding paragraph. That should be in a paragraph within one of the body paragraphs instead. The concluding paragraph should just recap the discussion of the topic provided. You did not do that so the essay is open ended instead of concluded.
***For the past year you have been a member of a local club. Now you want to end your membership. Write a letter to the club secretary.  
  
In your letter: state what type of membership you have and how you have paid for this give details of how you have benefited from the club  
  
explain why you want to leave***  
  
## cancel membership in a tennis club

  
  
Dear Mr.Tello,  
It has been an honour to be a member of your tennis club for the last two decades. I am holding the silver membership which allowing to participate in extra activities like yoga class at night. I enrolled to the silver package because it is adapted to my necessities. My payment plan is monthly and it has direct connection to my bank account. This package gives me access to extra activities for example swimming pool class, yoga class, gymnastics. I decided to take yoga class because I think it has some positive health benefits. Now I able to control my temper and my anxiety.  
  
I would like to express my gratitude for the value service and mention an especial consideration to the wonderful people that I met during 20 years of membership. Now, my life take different direction, I am going to live in Spain and the service of the club is not longer require, therefore please I request to drop my membership.  
  
I hope our tennis club can continue to grow benefiting all members.  
Your faithfully  
Renzo
@acsstudent you have a pretty good grasp of what you want to say. The problem is in your sentence structure and vocabulary. While I can understand what it is that you want to say, a better grammar presentation will help you to increase your GRA and C&C score. It is not easy to spot your mistakes when typing these practice essays. However, there are things that you can do which can help you improve your grammar skills.  
  
One of the things you can do is run your essay through the free online grammar checkers. That will help you spot the problem points and it can offer you information regarding the proper vocabulary and sentence structure to use. If you have Windows 10 installed in your computer, Word 2016 can help you do this because the program is designed to spot grammar problems and correct it, with suggested words and reference to the grammar rule your structure or choice of words violated. It is a very helpful learning tool for ESL learners.
Hi Stella, you could probably score as high as a 3 with this essay. I am pretty much sure that you already know where your problems lie in developing these types of essays because you already mentioned a number of them when you asked for a review of this presentation. So, rather than harp on what is wrong with your essay, I would like to focus my advice on how yo can improve your problem points instead.  
  
In order to improve your grammar and syntax, you need to practice English sentences development in a more serious manner. There are actually online free websites that allow you to practice grammar and sentence structures in English. These free websites normally start with simple fill in the blanks tests that get more difficult with every stage that you pass. These would be one of the ways that you can develop your skills in your problem areas.  
  
Another way to improve your grammar and vocabulary is by reading more English based materials. This will help you learn not only vocabulary, but also the proper presentation of English sentences of the simple to complex kind. If you get used to reading materials in English, you will find that these will slowly begin to influence your writing styles which will in turn, help you to improve your English writing skills.
*It is often said "When is Rome, do as the Romans do". Do you think people should adapt and accept the culture of the country they are visit? Do you think it is possible to learn a culture without learning the language.*  
  
## culture and a visited country

  
  
It is a common belief that follows the customs of the people when visiting another country. In my opinion, the acceptance and to be willing to adapt one's culture in exploring another country is accountable. Furthermore, it is inevitable to learn a culture without knowing its locals language. In this essay, I will discuss my ideas below.  
  
To begin with, people should accustom themselves into the culture within a country while they are visiting. Particularly, the act of granted visa from other countries of its government is a trusted and respected permission to its people whoever require for it. Thus, by visiting a country with any type of visa is implied one's should learn how to accept and be open-minded to its own culture of the nation.  
  
Moreover, it is impossible for people to learn the culture without knowing its language. Becuase of the slang words, idioms and the grammatical structures that aid to convey its messages and information to one another in the country. The unknown to its language in the community would lose a powerful and effective access to the information and so as the culture itself.  
  
Additionally, a culture is formed by its people. Without any actual communication to the locals, it would be extremely hard for one to succeed in gaining a deeper understanding of another cultural society. Hence, language is absolutely crucial in terms of getting to know its culture that in a country.  
  
To conclude, some believe that going to another country, ones must respect and learn to adapt its culture and I agree. Because the visa is a granted trust to the people who wanted to visit. And also, by learning the foreign language, it would be an access to learning a culture.  
  
Words: 293  
  
Thanks!  
  
CJ
SG, I think your overall score for this direct question essay could fall under the marker of 6. Your paraphrasing shows that you understood the question and how you had to respond to it. The problem, is that you treated it like an opinion essay (I will discuss my ideas below) when you were only directed to immediately present your opinion at the end of the paraphrase. The actual discussion build up was in the next paragraphs and you did not have to say that anymore. Your discussions are understandable but not properly developed in terms of cohesiveness, cohesion, and grammar structure. That did not affect the way that the reader understood your presentation though so you got a consistent 6 in the scoring considerations. This is a pretty good, passable essay. You just need to improve on your grammar structure and sentence development presentations.
*Some people think that people who choose a job early and keep doing it are more likely to get a satisfying career life than those who frequently change job. To what extend do you agree or disagree?*  
  
## Working in one place for long or not

  
  
Some people consider that people who pick a job in the early ages and continue doing it are more likely to achieve a satisfying career life than those who often change their occupation. This essay agrees that for people who decided what kind of job to work early and keep doing it, it's more possible to get a desirable career life. Firstly this essay will discuss the opportunities for development when you have a constant job and secondly how this job can affect your life.  
  
To begin with, a steady work can contribute to our professional progress. If you do your job all the time and you are dedicated to it, with every day, you will become better and better at it. When you are good at your job and you give your best, you may be promoted or given more benefits than the others. For example my Music teacher, who is an amiable and devoted person, had been a teacher for almost 20 years. However, she has risen and prove, that she is dedicated to her work so now she is a headmistress of my school.  
  
Having a constant job can have a positive influence on our life. You don't have to change your work place after some years and you don't need to socialize with other colleagues and people from different places. Permanent job can teach you not only to do your regular work, but also how to be devoted to something or how to communicate with other people. For instance, you can become more understanding and reliable person.  
  
In conclusion, people should try to choose a proper job in their early ages because by keep doing it they will become better at it. This will give them a desirable career, more pleasure and satisfaction than people who frequently change their jobs.  
  
(304 words)  
Thank you!
*This essay agrees that for people who ...*- very complex sentence  
  
*However, she has risen and prove, that she is dedicated to her work so now she is a headmistress of my school.*  
- does not require a 'however'  
  
*Permanent job can teach [...] and reliable person.*- There are a lot of assumptions here but not backed by examples or evidence. Like how does one become more understanding working in one place for long. I would also assume that communication with other people would be better when changing jobs often as we are meeting new people.
Plamena you have fa failed Task Accuracy score because of the severe mistakes you made in the opening paragraph. You did not follow the paraphrasing and discussion instruction requirements of the IELTS essay test. Your opening paraphrase is not different enough from the original presentation to be considered a pure paraphrase. Rather, it is a plagiarized presentation to a certain extent. You also did not present a proper discussion instruction paraphrase. The correct paraphrase is:  
  
*There are people who believe that job satisfaction comes from finding the right job early and then sticking to it. Then there are those who frequently change jobs but also declare that they also have a satisfying career. I strongly agree with the first statement that job satisfaction comes from choosing the right job early. I will discuss the reasons that support my opinion in the upcoming paragraphs.*  
  
Your opening statement must be so different in presentation from the original that all that is left of the original prompt is the central theme and discussion development representation. What you presented fail in those aspects of TA requirements.  
  
As such, you did not end up discussing the body of the essay in the appropriate manner. This has led to the total failing score of your essay due to an evident lack of understanding of the original prompt requirements. You actually created your own prompt instructions for the topic provided, which is a prompt alteration from the original. Hence the failing score for your essay.
***In the future, it seems it will be more difficult to live on the Earth. Some people think more money should be spent on researching other planets to live, such as Mars. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?***  
  
## funds for space exploration

  
  
There are some individuals believe that mankind should invest more in seeking possibility of life outside the Earth due to difficulties of living on it in the future. In my opinion, I totally disagree with this view.  
  
One reason is that searching life on other planets is waste of money. As we were know, some organizations like NASA annually spend millions of dollars to figure out living signals within our universe, but there is no sign of life announced so far. In addition, human being only exists in a suitable environment which has many necessary elements, such as water, atmosphere, temperature, etc. But this depends on distance among planets and the Sun. For instance, the temperature on Venus is very hot because it is the nearest star to the Sun.  
  
The second reason is that recovering the Earth is the best solution to eliminate the difficulties. It will be more difficult to live on the Earth because it is being damaged by human's activities. Therefore we should spend more money implementing campaigns to improve our environment, such as cutting down on industrial emissions, planting trees, educating our next generation to protect the Earth, and so on. Moreover, if we can find other planets to live, but we continue destroying them by harmful activities, we are in the end no longer to exist.  
  
In conclusion, although many people think that spending money to search other places outside the Earth is a way to tackle the difficulties of living in the future, I believe that protecting the Earth is the best solution.