dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
LAI, there are number of grammatical errors that distract from the reading of this letter. The first problem that appears is your confusion regarding gender pronouns. Your cat is named "LALA". That is a female specific gender name. Using the male pronoun of address such as "he" and "him" are therefore incorrect. "Lala" should have been addressed in the female pronoun of "she" and "her" instead.  
  
Next, about the key, when you say "The key could be taken by my neighbor", that means your neighbor took the key without your permission. The correct phrase should have been "You make get the key from my neighbor" or "My neighbor has the key."  
  
You did not give any instructions about how you use your apartment. For example, how does one turn on the hot water? Where do you keep the remote control of the TV? What is the wifi password? What is the landline phone number? Where do you keep the emergency numbers? How is the stove lighted? Are there any noise regulations in the area?  
  
When you were asked to recommend places to go, that meant more than one place and most certainly, not just an eatery. You should have instructed your friend about how to use public transport to go the park, museum, mall, cinema, where the tourist attractions such as theme parks or shopping destinations are, and then, tell her about the best place(s) to eat around town based upon her location as a tourist.  
  
You had a good effort in developing this paper. However, problems abound in terms of its development and presentation. Take note of the problems you had in this essay and make sure to correct it with your next practice General Writing test essay. Don't worry, you can improve, just keep practicing.
*Some people choose to eat no meat or fish. They believe that this is not only better for their own health but also benefits the world as a whole.  
  
Discuss this view and give your own opinion.*  
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## an opinion essay on food habits

  
  
Some people doesn't prefer to have non-vegetables such as chicken, meat and some sea foods. They also tells that consume these are not good for health. It seems to me that, say no to non-veg is good for healthier life though there are some advantages in having meat or fish in the meal.  
  
To begin with, I read in newspaper, reports and seen some surveys mentioned that naturally produced vegetables are healthier than meat or fish. One of the advantages of vegetables like carrots, potatoes, tomatoes and so on is that they are rich in vitamins, minerals...etc. So consuming them daily will keep people away from most of the diseases. In addition that vegetables contains less fat contents which is the another advantage over non-veg. Another reason is that these are available all the time and of course these are cheaper compare to meat or sea foods so even the middle class people can afford.  
  
There are equally some disadvantages in having only vegetables. As per as I know, many vegetables contains less proteins compare to non-veg so there may be chances of people effect with some protein deficiency diseases.  
  
On the other hand, consume non- veg daily leads to so many health issues. Recently i heard in the news that people eat chicken or meat effect with cancer compare to those who are not eat them. More over there is high probability of getting heart diseases in the non-vegetarians. I see many adults even not turned 40 years were died because of cardiac diseases especially heart attack. An obesity is another major problem in having non-veg. Nowadays younger generation is suffering from an obesity which is not the good sign for the society.  
  
To sum up, i choose not to eat meat or fish because there are more disadvantages than the advantages. In my view those who not, eat chicken or meat have longer life compare to those who consume the non-veg. There are higher chances of health problems like cancer, heart diseases and obesity in those who take non-veg daily. These situations are not good for the society since majority of young generation facing health issues.
@vinu460 your essay is not going to pass in an actual test setting. For one thing, the essay that you wrote is extremely confusing in content due to your lack of control over your English thought process. This creates a terribly set up sentence presentation and extremely poor grammar use. Your paragraphs are not very coherent because of the lack of cohesiveness in your presentation, specifically in the opening statement. This is one essay that truly causes extreme stress for the reader and as such, will not be rated highly in the actual test setting. You do not know how to properly present the opening paraphrase and you also do not know that you cannot use a personal opinion as a closing paragraph. The closing paragraph is only a summation of the presented discussion. There are so many errors in your presentation that I do not know where to begin. All I can advise you is to read the presentation of similar discussions based on the same topic that can be found in this forum. Learn from their presentation. Pay particular attention to the advice as to how to properly present an opening statement. Let me show you an example:  
  
*There some people who opt to avoid proteins in their diet. They avoid meats because they consider alternative foods are being healthier for them and more beneficial to the protection of the planet. In this essay, I will presenting a discussion regarding this opinion while also offering my point of view regarding the topic.*  
  
As you can see, an appropriate opening paragraph merely paraphrases the discussion in an accurate manner. You need to build up your English vocabulary and also learn about the use of synonyms in sentence presentations. That is the most basic point at which you should focus the start of your English skills improvement. Understand the meaning behind the words. That is the most important thing for you to do now.
## prevention is better than cure

  
  
**IELTS Writing Task 2**  
The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. To what extent do you agree?  
  
**Answer**  
As for health issues, some people argue that prevention is better than cure, so governments should allocate more funds on preventive measures. Personally, I strongly agree with these views.  
  
One of the primary cause is that prevention is the only way to dealing with many diseases for which no cure has been found. The concept of prevention represents opportunities to avoid many diseases if we take proactive steps before a problem forms. For many uncurable diseases like tobacco-related cancer, patients have to count down the rest of their life when receiving the result of a cancer diagnosis. In this regard, research shows that smoking makes cancers more likely, so doctors urge people to stop is an indispensable step to help them prevent it. Thus, perhaps prevention plays more significant impacts for many incurable diseases.  
  
Apart from the argument above, I also believe that it is realistic that government spend more funds on the prevention than the cure. Medical system using public funding is impossible to afford all people's demands concerning treatment and medicine. It is costly to buy effective drugs, and facilities and equipment also come at a massive cost to the government. By contrast, it is manifestly cheap that governments spend money on launching campaigns to encourage a healthy lifestyle, including a balanced diet and regular exercise. So there are manifested benefits to government spending on prevention.  
  
In conclusion, I would like to reiterate that influence by prevention is higher than cure. Therefore, there are reasonable arguments that require more funs on the prevention.  
  
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Thanks for any comment!
Yu, in a Task 2 essay, you must always present a 5 body of paragraph discussion in order to gain the full advantage of your discussion presentation in the scoring considerations. By presenting only 4 explanations, you are not fully defending your stand in the opinion essay. You could actually present a strong stand in the body of paragraphs if you go this way:  
  
Par. 2 - popular reason and explanation  
Par. 3 - popular reason and explanation  
Par. 4 - Personal experience / knowledge / opinion  
  
Never start your opening statement with the phrase "As for health issues". Such as presentation connotes the presence of a previous discussion that has a connection with the upcoming discussion in the new paragraph. It is a connecting phrase so it works in the same way as a connecting word. It is never used to start a sentence unless there is a preceding sentence or statement before it.  
  
Since you indicate that you "strongly agree" with the issue presented, it is improper for you to use a sentence that has a word that connotes doubt such as "perhaps" in your presentation. A "strong" opinion means you are absolutely sure of your stand and are willing to defend it without question or pause. The presence of the term "perhaps" in your presentation indicates uncertainty and therefore, runs counter to your stated opinion. This creates a weakened presentation and tangential response on your part which will lower the score for your essay in the TA section.  
  
You must also be constantly aware of the sentence requirements per paragraph. The opening and concluding paragraphs are not exempted from the minimum 3 - maximum 5 sentence presentation for every paragraphs. This is because these 2 paragraphs directly increase your TA score in terms of proving your English comprehension skills through the restatement of the prompt and discussion in summarized form.
Rahul, where is the argument that you are responding to? Unfortunately, the GRE essay cannot be reviewed and accurately evaluated for a score unless the argument and claim being made is presented in its original form to me for comparison purposes. Your arguments are strong, you make some good points, but its effectivity of this presentation cannot be judged according to the scoring criteria, nor can the problem points be targeted unless the original discussion and claim is presented for analytical purposes. I apologize for telling you this but you just wasted your one free contributor advice on this post because of the missing instructions and claim information. If you can post the original article and claim, as well as make this post URGENT, I should be able to come back and offer you an actual review, analysis, and scoring guide for this essay. If you do not make this post URGENT, it may be impossible for me to come back and help you with this essay.
I've added this in the post also. Here is the question :  
  
The argument claims that according to the recent reasearch employees with paid sick leaves are less likely to get involved in work related accidents than employees who do not get paid sick leaves. Stated in this way the argument manipulates several facts and presents the distorted view of the situation, fails to mention several key factors, which could have been used to make the argument more substantive and clear. The conclusion of the argument relies on the assumptions for which there is no clear evidences. Hence, the argument is weak, rather unconvincing and has several flaws.
The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.  
  
## elderly residents in Japan, Sweden, and the USA

  
  
The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.  
  
The given line graph illustrates the percentage of residents whose age are 65 and over in Japan, Sweden, and the USA from 1940 to 2040.  
As can be seen from the graph, it is clearly evident that the aged population of three countries is expected to increase over the course of 100 years, starting from 1940.  
  
In 1940, the rate of elderly American registered the highest among the three, standing at around 8%. This proportion continued to grow to 15% in 1980, before reaching its predicted peak at nearly 25% in 2040. Besides, Sweden also experienced the same trend between 1940 and 1980. However, the percentage of elderly Swedish is forecasted to some fluctuations over the next 60 years, before a soar to 25%. On the other hand, the ratio of 65-and-over citizens in Japan experienced a downward trend in the initial 20 years and then remained unchanged at approximately 4% in the following 30 years. After that, there will be a gradual growth to 10% in the next 4 decades, before soaring by more than 15% at the end of the time frame.  
  
(184 words)  
  
The given line graph illustrates the percentage of residents whose age are 65 and over in Japan, Sweden, and the USA from 1940 to 2040.  
As can be seen from the graph, it is clearly evident that the aged population of three countries is expected to increase over the course of 100 years, starting from 1940.  
  
In 1940, the rate of elderly American registered the highest among the three, standing at around 8%. This proportion continued to grow to 15% in 1980, before reaching its predicted peak at nearly 25% in 2040. Besides, Sweden also experienced the same trend between 1940 and 1980. However, the percentage of elderly Swedish is forecasted to some fluctuations over the next 60 years, before a soar to 25%. On the other hand, the ratio of 65-and-over citizens in Japan experienced a downward trend in the initial 20 years and then remained unchanged at approximately 4% in the following 30 years. After that, there will be a gradual growth to 10% in the next 4 decades, before soaring by more than 15% at the end of the time frame.  
  
(184 words)  
  
*
Dang, even though you wrote more than the required 150 words, there are a number of errors in your analytical presentation. The first is that you do not have an accurate summary overview for the essay. The second, is the lack of the 4 paragraph presentation. The third, is a lack of comparison analysis based on the overlapping points in the chart. Last, is your misformatted paragraph presentations. You have a 6 sentence paragraph presentation, one sentence more than the maximum of 5 sentences. Do not compress all of the information into one paragraph. Don't rush your analysis. Divide the presentation on a per country basis. That is how you can best present the analysis of the information.  
  
Let me start by showing a more accurate summary overview.  
  
*A line graph has been presented for analysis based on the sixty five year old and over population of Japan, Sweden, and the USA. The proportion for the aging population was measured based on a 2 decade gap starting in 1940 with a prediction for the population rate by the year 2040. The overall trend shows that Japan will have the highest population based on the reported ages by the year 2040. This essay will analyze the trend in growth percentage based on a 2 decade basis, as well as make comparisons regarding overlapping percentages of the 3 countries whenever possible.*  
  
From that point, the remaining paragraphs could have been alloted in the following manner:  
  
*Paragraph 2 - Japan information with overlapping comparisons prior to the transition sentence into the next paragraph.  
Paragraph 3 - Sweden data, again with the same overlapping information requirement for the 3 countries. The transition statement is at the end of the comparison discussion.  
  
Paragraph 4 - USA information presented in a better and clearer detail due to the meeting points of the provided percentage data from the first 2 countries*  
  
As with all Task 1 essays, no conclusion is required because this is an analytical essay, not a discussion essay.
*In many countries, very few young people read newspapers or follow the news on TV. What do you think are the causes of this?  
What solutions can you suggest?*  
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## today's youth is not interested in local/global news

  
  
I was wondered when I read the recent survey about the interest in the youngsters reading newspapers or watch the news. The survey reported that in many countries 70 percent of youth are not showing interest neither to read nor to watch the news. Only 30 percent are willing to read or watch the news.  
  
In my view, one of the major reasons for lack of interest in the youth is they are more attracted to social media like face book, twitter and so on. They are spending much of their time in reading posts, chatting with friends and tweets. Electronic gadgets are drawing the youth interest. Young people are likely to text in WhatsApp, browse internet in mobile phones. Also they are not interested to know what is happening in the society because they are busy with their studies and parties. The parents are also not encouraging their childrens towards reading the newspaper. In the survey some were expressed that newspapers are covering more news about the politics so they are not keen to follow the political news.  
  
I think some of the solutions are parents, schools and colleges should motivate their childrens or students to read the newspaper. It would be better if the schools or colleges allocate daily 15 minutes time to read newspaper before commence the classes also make newspapers are available in the libraries. The young people spend most of their time in college cafeterias and restaurants so it would be good if we arrange some televisions which telecast news. Also government should take some necessary steps and arrange facility to telecast news in public places airports, railway stations and bus stations. Most of the youth use mobile phones so we have to encourage them to read e-newspapers in mobile and tablets.
@vinu460 even though you wrote 297 words for this essay, you will not pass the test. The reason you will not pass is simple, you are not discussing the essay as per the original prompt requirements. Your opening statement deviated from the original post because it indicates a totally different form of discussion based on a totally non-existent source. The source you chose to represent in your paraphrase totally changed the way that the essay was to be discussed and what the topic for discussion was. The correct paraphrase is:  
  
*Various countries have shown a trend that indicates a lack of interest in printed news and television news programs among the youth. I believe that there a number of reasons for this situation. In this essay, I will be discussing the reasons that I believe have caused this lack of interest in obtaining news among young adults and how it can be resolved.*  
  
This is supposed to be a 5 paragraph essay but you only wrote 3 paragraphs. So formatting wise, you will also lose points. The fact that you did not really discuss any reasons, but rather, merely listed a series of reasons, without appropriate supporting explanations shows that you did not understand the instructions. It also indicates that you are incapable of presenting a coherent and cohesive English based discussion. Sadly, your badly developed reason paragraph will drag down the good work that you did in the possible solutions discussion paragraph. You would still have received a failing C&C score because of the discussion development problem your essay has.  
  
The rules the discussion of any of these essays are simple:  
  
1 reason = 1 paragraph discussion (topic sentence, reason for validity of chosen topic / reason, supporting explanation, examples, transition sentence)  
\*Fully developed discussion = 5 paragraphs  
  
\* A full paragraph discussion is never less than 3 sentences but no more than 5 sentences.  
  
Using the above guideline, you will be able to score highly in the LR, C&C, and GRA sections because you can prove your ability to think and function in an English setting based upon your fully developed, outlines, and explained individual topic paragraphs.
## Work experience vs theories

  
  
*In today's job market it is far more important to have practical skills than theoretical knowledge. In the future, job applicants may not need any formal qualifications.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?*  
  
Some believe that work experience is way more crucial than what is currently being taught at schools, universities and similar. Therefore, eventually qualifications may no longer be of use to apply for a job. I completely disagree with this statement and thus will be pleased to discuss two reasons why I believe qualifications will always remain relevant in today's world.  
  
First of all, while some jobs do not require any qualifications, a number of other profession consider them a must, as most people will not able to carry out the task assigned to them, unless they have learned the basics of a certain profession, which could usually be found at the universities. They will provide their students with essential skills to help them successfully perform the job given to them in the most effective and efficient manner possible, resulting in their students being desirable to their potential employers; practical experience is no substitute for this type of experience. For example, in order to work as an accountant in Australia, it is of utmost importance to acquire at least a bachelor degree majoring in accounting or even CPA: without either of these qualifications, the chance of landing an accounting job these days in Australia is slim.  
  
Apart from qualifications being simply imperative for some profession, our education system is becoming increasingly more practical, and if this trend continues to thrive, qualifications may become the only requirements needed to become employed. This is not at all surprising, considering our education system is mediocre; in fact, this system has received a plethora of criticisms regarding its theory-based nature which in turn have encouraged our educational institutions to focus more on the practical side of the major. For instance, at the University of Sydney, students who are involved in their major-related activities obtain extra credit points, allowing them to graduate from university earlier than usual.  
  
Having discussed the importance of qualifications in today's world, it can be concluded that they are and will remain vital in the future due to the fact that some jobs will always demand them, and in the future, these qualifications will be more practical than ever before and therefore, more desirable to their potential employers. That being said, work experience is undoubtedly important. However, I refuse to believe that practical experience will ever be able to replace formal qualifications because of the aforementioned reasons.