dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hello Beauty!  
Allow me to give you some suggestion.  
  
PUNCTUATION  
It could be seen that**,** there were several ...  
  
Check the graph again.  
... electricity production in Germany from n atural g as and coal in 1980 to nuclear energy in 2010.  
  
Another country, Germany experienced a dramatic increase...  
Where is the MAIN IDEA? You should put at the beginning of your body paragraph.  
  
Hope it helps you :)
**The pie charts below show electricity generation by source in New Zealand and Germany in 1980 and 2010.**  
  
A breakdown of the figure for several sources for power plant in New Zealand and Germany in 1980 and 2010 is revealed in the pie charts. Overall, it can be seen that in 1980 both in New Zealand and Germany experienced the highest number of coal, while hydro exposed the lowest total in Germany and petroleum was less favorite in New Zealand, and in 2010 coal witnessed the most priority in New Zealand, while nuclear dominated in Germany.  
  
Coal experienced the most preferred sources in 1980 at 56 units in New Zealand, while hydro gained the smallest unit in Germany at seven units. Petroleum stood at 11 units in New Zealand and Germany showed at twofold higher than in New Zealand, while in Germany showed at twofold higher than in New Zealand. Furthermore, in 1980 natural gas was close behind both in New Zealand and Germany at 30% and 28% respectively.  
  
On the other hand, the quantity of coal was far dominated at 150 units in New Zealand, while the other sources were less than 47 points. Even though, nuclear recorded the most popular in Germany at 155 units, there was no nuclear power plant in New Zealand in 2010.  
  
*
Hello Mardian!  
Allow me to give you some suggestions.  
  
A breakdown of the figure for several...  
You have to mention the measurement.  
*A breakdown of the figure for several sources for power plant in New Zealand and Germany in 1980 and 2010 measured by units is revealed in the pie charts.*  
  
*Overall, it can be seen that, both New Zealand and Germany in 1980 experienced the highest number of coal*  
  
Coal experienced the most preferred sources in 1980 at ...  
I think you should put the good comparison here. Those information cannot compared.  
Look at example below:  
Coal experienced the most preferred sources at 56 units in New Zealand, while it only gained 28 units in Germany during 1980.  
  
I think your overview is too much. Try to make the shorter one.  
You should the MAIN IDEA for each paragraph.  
  
Hope it helps you!
**The graph below gives information about international tourist arrivals in five countries.**  
  
A breakdown of figure for holidaymakers visited five different countries in millions is revealed in the line graph. Overall, it can be seen that there was an upward trend for all countries, and France had a utterly increase in 2010 over a fifteen-year period.  
  
To begin with, there was a similar trend in some countries. Egypt and Brazil stood the same point at about ten in 1995, while Egypt existed higher number than Brazil in 2010 at about 20 and 15 respectively.  
  
After that, the number of sightseers in Malaysia recorded at just above 20, while in USA appeared more than threefold bigger than of this in 1995. USA and Malaysia a slight went up between 1995 and 2000, while France extremely inclined from just above 30 to twice times greater than before. Furthermore, from 2005 to 2010 France significantly rose to ninety, while Malaysia gained a gradual decrease and met the same point with France by about 15 to just under 90 and the highest point happened in USA at just above 90, while Brazil illustrated the least popular destination at lower than 10 million.  
  
*   
*Question*
Hello Mardian!  
Allow me to give you some suggestion.  
  
Remember! Introduction sentence use Present Tense  
A breakdown of figure for holidaymakers visit five different countries...  
  
Egypt and Brazil stood at the same point approximately ten in 1995,  
  
USA and Malaysia a slight went up between 1995 and 2000  
, while Egypt existed higher number ...  
while in USA appeared almost threefold bigger than of this in 1995.  
  
USA and Malaysia a slight went up ...  
Where is the VERB?  
  
Furthermore, from 2005 to 2010, France saw a significantly rise to ninety,  
  
... about 15 to just under 90. The highest point ...  
  
Hope it helps you :)
**Some people believe that it is better to build new museums and town halls instead of renovations the old ones. To what extend do you agree or disagree? (Give your own opinion and relevant examples.**  
  
Several people have views that construction of new museum and city hall would be better than renovate the old ones. I do believe that regenerate the historic buildings is a better choice.  
  
There are various reasons why persons regard that renovate old buildings is essential. Firstly, the historical buildings are a part of country's heritage. They are often considered to be a masterpieces, which identify country by architectural symbol, such as the pyramids in Egypt, National Monument in Jakarta, Indonesia. Consequently, they should be protected, they need regular repair and maintenance. In the other sides, there are a lot of museums especially in Indonesia that need more attention. Some museums are categorized in the improper visit. They look slum, dirty and scary. Finally, many people think twice to visit them, even they prefer to visit malls instead.  
  
However, to develop a new museum is not as easy. Probably it will spend much money and more time. Furthermore it needs an extra ordinary think, because a new museum should be complementing with the old one that had built before. Eventhough, the new museums have different meaning from the old one. They can not replace sense of themselves. Renovating the historical buildings, it means let history keep alive. Thereby it can be used to educate for young generation, for example school held a program tour national museum to memorize kindness of heroes. By visiting museum we can learn from the past experience about how to struggle our independent. By seeing historical building bring us at the ancient memory. It will be distinct when we visited new museum and town hall.  
  
To sum up, renovating the old buildings is likely to be more effective than developing the new ones. Goverment should give more attention at the historical building. By renovating historical building it will bring benefits to public.
Hi Fitri, here is my thoughts towards your essay  
  
**Task achievement:**  
I think you should add the general reason in your statement to emphasise your disagreement.  
I saw a jumping idea. in your second paragraph, you discussed your disagreement towards the notion, and in the third paragraph you discussed your reason why building new museum is not easy, but in the same paragraph, you returned to discuss your agreement. you have to discuss it in your second paragraph.  
  
... the historic buildings ~~is~~**are** a better choice.  
  
Firstly, the historical buildings are ...  
*when you use 'firstly' it must have 'secondly, thirdly, finally'*  
  
... considered to be ~~a~~**the**masterpieces  
  
Furthermore**,***(need comma)* it needs an ~~extra ordinary~~**extraordinary**~~think~~**consideration**  
  
Keep writing!
Hallo.. here i try to give you some suggestion.. i hope it useful  
  
... be better than renovate the old ones. I do believe that regenerate the historic buildings is a better choice.  
  
**1. I do believe -> i believe  
  
2. A better ??? What your comparison? It must THE BEST CHOICE  
  
*I believe that regenerate the historic buildings is the best choice.***  
  
Good luck
HELLO, HERE ARE MY SUGGESTIONS FOR YOU  
  
I do believe that regenerate the historic buildings is a better choice .  
I think your statement above is not clearly mentioned in your body paragraph explanation since you write some contrast statements. So, you have to emphasize your idea to the readers strongly  
  
Furthermore (need comma here ) it needs an extra ordinary (extraordinary ) think, ...  
Eventhough (even though ), the new museums ...  
They can not (cannot ) replace ...  
Thereby (need comma ) it can be used to educate ~~for~~ young generation, ...  
  
Goverment should give more attention ...  
  
GLUCK ^^~
Hi Fitri :) here is my some suggestions toward your essay  
  
1. There are ~~various~~variety of reasons why ...  
  
2. ... repair and maintenance. In the other sides , there are a ....  
  
**In this paragraph your explain variety of your reasons, I think that "In the other sides" better to use In additional or Also, because there are not contrast reasons.**  
  
3. However, to develop a new museum is not ~~as~~ easy **or if you want to use "as" you should add is not as easy as .....**  
  
Hopefully, it is help  
Thank you,
A comparison of international visitor arrivals in five different nations which are Brazil, Egypt, Malaysia, France, and USA from 1995 to 2010 measured by millions is revealed in a line chart. As a general trend, all of those countries showed upward style while USA saw the largest number of international tourist arrivals over those years.  
  
It can be seen that, the number of global visitor advents reached a peak in 2010 by France and USA though stood at different point. France experienced a sharp rise, solely at 30 millions in 1995 then increased by 70 million after fifteen years. Meanwhile, the number of international tourists in USA rose gradually from seven in ten in the initial year.  
  
In the last three lowest nations, there was a steady incline of tourist figures. Brazil and Egypt started in same point, then both nations, standing at 20 and 18 million respectively. The middle position was taken by Malaysia, solely at 20 million visitors then it rose markedly at almost a half million holidaymakers.  
  
*   
*Information about international tourist arrivals in five countries*
A comparison of the number of foreigner visiting five different countries is shown in the line chart between 1995 and 2010 and it is measured in millions. Overall, the number of international visitors increased in those countries during this period and USA became the country with the highest number of worldwide tourist arrivals.  
  
It can be seen that Brazil, Egypt and Malaysia had the same trends. Brazil and Egypt stood at below 10 millions in 1995 while Malaysia started two times higher than them in the same time. The number of travellers in Brazil and Egypt experienced same number in 1997. In the next years, people visited Egypt more than in Brazil until Egypt reached the greatest number of tourist arrivals at 20 millions in 2010. Meanwhile, the number of travellers visited Malaysia higher than Egypt and Brazil along these years and it achieved the top number at 50 millions in 2010.  
  
Another country, France, had a significant increase by 60 million during 15 years. France experienced a dramatic rise from 30 to 60 millions in 2000. After that, it increased slightly to 65 millions in 2005 and raised the peak at 87 millions in 2010. On the other hand, USA witnessed a slight rise of 15 million from 1995 to 2010 and raised its highest number was 90 millions in 2006.  
  
*
Blue indicates a suggestion to revise what's written. Here are a few suggestions:  
  
... number of foreigners visiting five different ...  
  
..., Egypt and Malaysia ha~~d~~ve the same trends. Brazil and Egypt stood at below 10 millions in 1995 while Malaysia started two times higher ~~than them in the same time~~ . The number of travel~~l~~ ers in Brazil and Egypt experienced same number in 1997.  
  
... of tourist arrivals at 20 million~~s~~ in 2010. Meanwhile, the number of travellers to~~visited~~ Malaysia higher than Egypt (...) and it achieved the top ...  
  
~~Another country,~~ France~~,~~ had a significant increase by 60 million ...  
... in 2005 and raised the peak at 87 millions in 2010.  
... from 1995 to 2010 and raised its highest number was 90 millions in 2006.
Hello Beauty!  
Allow me to give you some suggestion.  
  
... during this period and USA became the country ...  
It can be seen that Brazil, Egypt and Malaysia had ...  
Pay attention to your task punctuation  
*visitors increased in those countries ...  
It can be seen that, Brazil, Egypt and ...*  
  
In the next years, people visited Egypt more ...  
Look at my suggestion below:  
In the next years, Egypt's visitors reached the greatest number of tourist arrivals at 20 millions in 2010 more than Brazil.  
  
Brazil and Egypt stood at below 10 millions in 1995 while ...  
The number of travellers in Brazil and Egypt experienced same ...  
... Malaysia higher than Egypt and Brazi l along these years and ...  
  
**Too much repetition "Brazil and Egypt"**  
  
Hope it helps you :)
**The graph below gives information about international tourist arrivals in five countries.**  
  
A breakdown of the figure for the number of International holidaymakers' arrivals in five destination countries between 1995 and 2010, the data covers by millions over a 15-year period in five different countries is revealed in the line graph. Overall, it can be seen that there were an upward trend for each countries. Even though France had few tourists in 1995, in 2010 it had similar number of tourists going to USA.  
  
To begin with, from 1995 to 2005, there were a slight increase for four countries except France, because between 1995 and 2000, it inclined extremely to higher than 60 million. Until 2000, Brazil and Egypt had almost the same number of tourists and these increased steeply to nearly ten millions. From 2000 to 2005 these had at one millions differently and over a 15-year period, both of them had the lowest number of holidaymakers if compared with others. Furthermore, the number of tourists in Malaysia and USA rose slightly to almost 30 and 90 million respectively. Besides, between 1995 and 2005, there was a dramatic rise of tourists in France and it rose slowly to 70 million in 2005.  
  
On the other hand, between 2005 and 2010, there were a gradual incline for four countries except USA. Firstly, the number of holidaymakers in USA dropped sharply to nearly 90 million that it was similar with the number of tourists in France. Moreover, others had a sharp increase while the number of tourists in Brazil lower than Egypt and these had total of tourists lower than in Malaysia.  
  
*   
*question*
Hello Willy!  
Allow me to give you some suggestion.  
  
... holidaymakers' arrivals in five destination countries between 1995 and 2010, the data covers by millions over a 15-year periodin five different countries is revealed ...  
  
Redundant : Just mention the detail one time.  
You should check the graph again, I think it should be a 5 year period : It is really harmful since your data accuracy will drop.  
  
... that there were an upward trend ...  
... there were a slight increase for four ...  
... there were a gradual incline for four ...  
  
Pay attention to your subject verb agreement  
an upward trend: singular  
a slight increase: singular  
a gradual incline  
It should be "was"  
  
Overall, it can be seen that there were an ...  
From 2000 to2005 these had at one millions ...  
  
Use punctuation correctly.  
You should put comma between those word.  
  
Overall, I am afraid that it's too long. The number of you words more suitable for writing task 2. 259 words are too much since you need only 150 words for writing task 1.  
  
Then, it iwill better if you use many style of sentence for increasing your score.  
Fighting beautiful willy ^^
Hello:  
  
A breakdown of the figure for the number of ...  
  
Figure ....>>> Angka  
  
**A breakdown of the proportion of International holidaymakers' arrivals in five destination countries between 1995 and 2010. The data was covered by millions**.  
  
... that there ~~were~~(was) an upward trend ...  
... had few tourists in 1995, and in 2010 (,) it had similar number ...
**The pie charts below show electricity generation by source in New Zealand and Germany in 1980 and 2010.**  
  
A comparison of total units of electricity generation by source between 1980 and 2010 covered by units in New Zealand and Germany is revealed in the four pie charts. Overall it is immediately apparent that New Zealand and Germany had four and five sources of electricity generation respectively. Besides, in 2010, there was a rapid incline of total of unit for each countries which coal dominated in New Zealand while Nuclear was main source In Germany.  
  
To begin with, between 1980 and 2010, there were a significant rise for each units. In New Zealand, the number of hydro and coal increased extremely by 16 and 94 respectively. Differently, the number of hydro decreased steeply and coal was stable at five and 28 unit's particularly in Germany. Besides, Germany had nuclear as the biggest sources which rose rapidly to 155 units in 2010. And it was higher than coal as a major source in New Zealand in 2010.  
  
On the other hand, from 1980 to 2010, there were an extreme fall for each units. Natural gas and petroleum dropped sharply with similar number to two units in 2010 in New Zealand. Similarly, in Germany Natural gas declined extremely by 26 while coal inclined steeply to 27 units. In addition, natural gas in Germany and New Zealand had the same number in 2010, but petroleum in New Zealand was lower than in Germany in 2010.  
  
*   
*question*
Hello willy!  
Allow me to give you some suggestion.  
  
A comparison of total units of electricity ...  
Look at my suggestion below:  
*A comparison of the electricity generation by source in New Zealand and Germany between 1980 and 2010 covered by units is revealed in the four pie charts.*  
  
Punctuation  
*Overall**,** it is immediately apparent ...*  
  
Look at my suggestion below:  
*there was a rapid incline in the total of units for each countries ...*  
  
..., there were a significant rise ...  
there were an extreme fall ...  
a significant rise: singular  
an extreme: singular  
It should be "was"  
  
Hope it helps you, break a leg!
Hello:  
**Check your sentence**;  
  
... between 1980 and 2010 ~~covered by units~~(because you have explained about total unit, i think this clause is not needed) in New Zealand and ...  
  
Overall (,) it ~~is~~**(was)**immediately apparent that ...  
Besides, ~~in 2010,~~ there was a rapid incline of ~~total of unit**total units** for each countries which~~ , coal was dominated in New ...  
  
**Your essay is 233 word, it is too much**
**The pie charts below show electricity generation by source in New Zealand and Germany in 1980 and 2010.**  
  
A breakdown of the percentage of information about using electricity generated by five fuels in New Zealand and Generated is exposed in four pie charts in 1980 and 2010. The data is measured in percent. Overall, the biggest usage of fuel was coal in New Zealand in 2010, and nuclear used by most of Germany inhabitan in two years period. However, pertoleum and Hydro was the least that used by both coutries in 2010.  
  
According to the pie charts, there was a dramatical rise of coal usage New Zealand citizens in 2010. It was more a third than in 1980. In the same year saw that Hydro was above three-fold than Germany people, at 30. The largest petroleum usage came from Germany, at 22. It was more twice than New Zealand in 1980.  
  
There was an extremely increase of Nuclear usage in Germany, at 155 which it more seven fold than previous year. Natural Gas experienced a dramatic decrease in 2010 by both country, at two. In contrast, it witnessed a quite big use in 1980, at a under a third. It was the second largest of fuels usage in both countries between other fuel sources. (196W)  
  
*
Hello Bada!  
Allow me to give you some suggestions.  
  
Introduction:  
Look at my example below:  
A breakdown of the information about using electricity generated by five fuels in New Zealand and Generated betweeen 1980 and 2010 measured by percent is exposed in four pie charts .  
  
I have seen some typo in your task.  
However, pertoleum and Hydro was the least that used by both coutries in 2010.[/quote]  
petroleum  
countries  
  
Pay attention to your subject verb agreement.  
most of Germany inhabitan in two years period.  
decrease in 2010 by both country , at two  
inhabitants  
countries  
  
Germany people, at 30  
by both country, at two.  
from Germany, at 22.  
You have to use different style, it is so boring to see that.  
  
Hope it helps you. FIGHTING :\*
**The graph below shows the average daily figures for Channel One News over a 12-month period**  
  
A breakdown of the figure for viewers watching "one news" channel between January and December covered by millions of viewers per day is revealed in the line graph. The most significant fact to emerge from the graph are that trend fluctuated over 12-months period except trend of viewers who watched at 1 pm. Besides, in August witnessed a reach peak of viewers who watched at 11 pm while viewers at 9.30 pm dropped suddenly.  
  
To begin with, there were four different times of people watching "one news". Firstly, between January and April, the average of watchers watching at 1 pm lower than others and it was stable at almost 1.5 million. Secondly, people watching at 9.30 pm increased steeply to under four millions and people watching at 6 pm fluctuated to under four millions. Differently, watchers at 11 pm would started in May.  
  
On the other hand, between May and December, there were different patterns for each of times. In May, there was a new time "11 pm" that people watched the "one news" and this time had the lowest viewers at about 0.2 millions, but it reached a peak at almost four millions in August and it dropped suddenly by about threefold lower than of this in December. Besides, viewers watched at 6 and 9.30 pm had a similar fell significantly to nearly one and 3.5 million particularly. In December viewers at 9.30 pm lower than at 6 pm but it was higher that viewers at 1 pm.  
  
*   
*question*
**Hello miss Willy, Let me give you few of my suggestions in your essay ^\_^**  
  
... there were four different ~~times~~ => time of people ~~watching~~ => watched "one news".  
... the average of **watchers => better if you use 'viewers'**~~watching~~ => watched at 1 pm lower than other~~s~~ and it was stable ...  
*Secondly, people watching at 9.30 pm increased steeply to (...) and people watching at 6 pm fluctuated to under four millions. Differently, watchers at 11 pm would started in May.* =>*I think you must to more consistent in past tense usage*  
  
**Keep Writing :)**
***The graph below gives information about international tourist arrivals in five countries.***  
  
A breakdown of the proportion of information about international visitors in five countries between 1995 and 2010, it revealed in a line graph which it is measured in millions. Overall, it can be seen that there was a significant upward trend of tourist in Malaysia, France and USA, however, Brazil and Egypt witnessed a steady trend over the period.  
  
Firstly, from 1995 to 2005 there was a variation upward trend in all countries. Malaysia experienced a dramatic increase in 2000, at 60. It was twice larger than previous year. While, USA raised sharply at 90 until 2005. In contrast, Brazil and Egypt stood at under ten.  
  
According to the graph, in 2005 saw that there was a significant upward trend in all countries except USA. Brazil and Egypt visitors raised slightly at under 20 in 2010. Meanwhile, Malaysia and France tourists witnessed a sharp rise, at under 50 and under 90. In contrast, USA dropped slightly just few under 90 perspectively. (161w)  
  
*