dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Do not present your opinion in the thesis statement. That should be presented at the end of each public point of view explanation because you are being asked to deliver your personal opinion regarding each reasoning presented in the original prompt. While you properly referred to the public point of view in your first reasoning paragraph, there is a lack of personal opinion towards the end of it. Do you agree with the opinion? Why? Support your opinion with personal knowledge or examples.  
  
Your essay did not properly develop the discussion points for each public point of view so you will definitely lose points for that. The essay is over discussed and your personal opinion takes a concrete side in the discussion. Since an opinion is required, the opinion should be delivered based on each reason provided. You have to show an understanding of both points of view by properly supporting or not supporting each reason provided. As such, the essay is over written but not properly developed. It does not follow the required discussion format.  
  
While you will get a score using this type of presentation, you will not get the highest possible score because of certain formatting errors on your part. The discussion format is always indicated in the original prompt. All you have to do is follow the topic, reason, and presentation format as indicated. Analyze the essay requirements before you write the essay, Do not begin writing immediately after reading the prompt. Outline first. Make sure all the discussion aspects are represented in your draft, then finalize it based on the required content and format.
## the effects of video games

  
  
As a teenager, I used to be a child who loved playing games. However, when I grew up, I realised the effects of video games on children and understand the reason why parents always dislike it. It's true that many parents try their best to keep video games away from their babies because they read thousands of article about the negative sides of playing games. They started to feel the same with their children. Their lovely child, their babies appear to be isolated with the rest of the world, they only focus on their phones, computers. Kid then try to ignore all the thoughts, speechs of their parents. Games make them become more violent, bad-tempered, naughty people. In addition, games can be addicted, so parents usually worry that their children will become crime, doing anything even illegal actions to fulfill their desire playing games, for example rob the bank to have money buying apps' features. On the other hand, game can be a very effective relaxing tool. Playing games with limited time speding helps children to make themselves comfort and enlarge the imagination. Nowadays, games are not entertaining products, they can be a network to connect people around the world. Gamers can have friends who share the same hobby with them. With the development of the society, children who wants to become professional gamer can also make end meet from it. In short, according to my opinion, playing games can also have positive and negative effects depending on the way people think about it. Even though it is very harmful and can be addicted, they are good ways to entertain if children play them under supervision of parents.
Please refer to the grammar problems in your essay. You need to brush up on your singular v. plural lessons (thousands of article = thousands of articleS). Vocabulary resources (babies do not play video games, children do) should also be built up on your end. Word familiarization is a must for you as well. Improper word usage (their lovely child, ~~their babies~~ ). When not referring to a series of related words, you should use the word and rather than a comma. You need at least 3 related words to use a comma. Two related words, use conjunction "and" instead. There are several other grammar problems with your essay but I cannot advise you on how to correct it without rewriting the whole essay, which is against forum regulations. However, my suggestions should get you started on identifying your problem areas. By the way, you have to separate this presentation into 3 paragraphs to show the separation of thought presentations. The phrase "according to my opinion" is incorrect as "according to" refers to information gained from someone else, since you are stating the opinion, you do not need to use that reference phrase.
***With the rise in popularity of the Internet, newspapers will soon become a thing of the past.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
Nowadays, Internet is no stranger to people and it is obviously more and more common. Therefore, newspapers is predicted to disappear in the future. This essay believes that outlook is undeniable.  
  
Firstly, the speed of updating of the Internet is superior to traditional newspapers. Latest news always appear in a fastest way. People can even watch full events, accidents, and so on at the same time they occur in real life just through the screens. However, newspapers need much time to be edited, sent to each household. This prevent people from accessing to news quickly.  
  
When it comes to the costs, the Internet continues to win newspapers. It almost free for those who have used Internet services. In contrast, to get a piece of newspapers, not only do people have to pay for the newspapers itself but they are also forced to pay its tax, its cost of shipping... Everyone is certain to be interested in free items.  
  
Turning to the format, online news is highly appreciated with attractive ways of presenting, a wide variety of of topics such as: politics, economy, technology,... while many traditional newspapers use a tedious format (black and white) with limited topics.  
  
Another plus for e-news is that it offers the readers the freedom of expressing their own opinion with the others about the news. As it can be seen, there is an area below the news on the Internet. It allows the readers commenting after reading an article. For instance, many helpful suggestions have been given below environmental texts. This helps environmentalist tackle a plethora of issues.  
  
In conclusion, with abovementioned reasons, newspapers will be soon be defeated by the Internet.  
(277 words)  
  
Please help me check my writing and send your feedback. All your comments are welcomed here. I will be very glad if I have chances to accumulate more knowledge from you!
The prompt paraphrase does not make any sense. You tried to paraphrase the original presentation word for word, which resulted in a sentence that lacks clear content. There is no connection between the internet and newspapers in your presentation. A more appropriate paraphrase is:  
  
*The prevalence of the information super highway has led to the belief that periodicals will soon become irrelevant. I support this point of view to the degree that gazettes are no longer the best way to receive news.*  
  
As you can see, in my version, none of the original keywords were used. Instead, synonyms or words of the same meaning took its place (internet = information superhighway, newspapers = periodicals / gazettes), which automatically give me a higher LR score due to my knowledge of English similar word vocabulary and usage. The reasoning I presented, also outlined the topic for discussion in the next paragraphs. These 2 sentences are enough to have my TA score start at the highest possible marks. Your presentation failed to achieve this.  
  
You did not properly use the comma in the second paragraph. Use the word "and" to connect 2 related references. Use the comma for 3 or more, using the word "and" before the last related word. This is a GRA scoring problem that shows a lack of proper English punctuation mark usage. Additionally, never use an ellipses in an academic presentation. That is only used in creative writing work. This is an academic paper that does not need cause for a dramatic pause in the presentation.  
  
In the second reason, the first sentence is missing the word "over" as in "win OVER newspapers". you need that comparison word to indicate the reason why the internet will be better at delivering the news than newspapers. Additionally, you need to brush up on your singular v plural word usage. "a piece" is singular so you cannot follow that up with "newspapers", which is plural. Use the singular form of the word when referencing singular forms.  
  
The conclusion is less than 40 words and does not contain any summary of the previous talking points. This will further create a failing TA score for you in an actual test. Basically, your work is problematic and may have a difficult time achieving a passing band score. It is not impossible, because you show a potential to eventually write good essays. You just can't achieve it at this very moment.
I think "however" should be replaced by " In addition.." cause you're supporting the pre-sentence's idea  
*However, newspapers need much time to ...*  
  
Also,  
*This*  
Should be  
This prevent people from **accessing** ~~to~~ news quickly.  
  
In fourth paragraph, you mentioned "politics, economy, technology ..." as a limited field of newspaper but it's not true cause newspapers has these topics. Maybe you should mentioned the various resources of Internet, such as colorful images, vivid video...  
  
Your conclusion is quite short. I was told that it should be at least 40 words.  
  
Good luck 🍀
@Holt  
  
Thanks a lot!  
Your paraphrase made a deep impression on me 🤩 To be honest, "information super highway", "periodicals", "gazettes" are totally new for me. You have provided such useful words for me...like the top of linguistics.  
  
I will take notice of comma, ellipses, singular-plural,...  
  
As for my conclusion, I was influenced by Simon's style. His conclusion is usually short, even less than 40 words. He claimed that this wouldn't change the score, the conclusion is much less important than the main body paragraphs...  
  
Last but not least, your words are a great encouragement to me  
  
@Mimi Lalala  
  
Your linking word is correct. I have missed it 😅  
And I admit making mistake with collication (access to).  
You are right! I should have replaced "politics, economy, technology,..." by "the various resources of Internet, such as colorful images, vivid video...". It looks more comprehensive.
@hiimming04  
  
Hi hiimming04,  
  
Firstly, I want to show some grammar errors in your essay, and it will affect your band score.  
  
The article "the" is used before a noun when it has appeared in the previous sentences or indicated a noun which is recognized in public, such as the internet, the Earth...  
  
In your essay, I realize some mistake in lacking articles:  
  
- the Internet  
- newspapers ~~is~~ are predicted  
- the speed of updating ~~of~~  
- Latest news always appears in ~~a~~ the fastest (Because it is the superlative comparison) way.  
- ... same time, they occur  
- This prevents people from accessing ~~to~~ news quickly  
- It is almost free  
- to pay for the newspapers ~~itself~~ themselves  
- a wide variety of topics such as~~:~~  
- their own opinion with ~~the~~ others about the news. As it ... can be seen,...  
- It allows the readers ~~commenting~~ to comment  
- This helps environmentalists tackle  
  
In the meaning and coherence of essays, @Holt told it very clearly. I'm still pursuing this guideline.
***There is an increasing trend for people to live alone. What is causing this to happen?***  
## Will it have a negative or a positive impact on society?

  
  
The extraordinary rise of living alone is among the most significant social trends of the modern world. Living alone is ubiquitous in developed, open societies, and this particularly affects health and health care. In my opinion, experiencing one has an adverse impact on society.  
  
One possibility is that there is a causal link between living alone, being socially isolated, and feeling lonely. But these are three distinct conditions, and living alone does not necessarily mean experiencing one or both of the others (being isolated or feeling lonely). Overall, the main cause of living alone is the tendency of life, nowadays, people do not get married any more than previously. Secondly, individuals frequently spend more time studying and working, especially in civic. Research shows that Americans who are working as journalists, scholars, health care providers, and business persons usually conflate living alone, feeling lonely, and being isolated, and the result is widespread confusion about each condition.  
  
In more detail, living alone is the consequence of isolation because of physical frailty as well as for deaths in their family and friendship networks. Thus, they have smaller social networks and less stable contact with children, and they face heightened risks of isolation if they divorce or become widowers.  
  
The risks of social isolation depend not only on which kind of people, but also on the place people are living. Poor neighborhoods with a robust social infrastructure, busy sidewalks, and these social infrastructures suffered higher mortality rates.  
  
At these points, most policy recommendations for reducing living alone are essential. As the population ages and the number of people aging alone grows, societies throughout the world will need to develop new supportive housing programs and new forms of elderly care.
The second sentence is irrelevant and offers information that is disqualified from the original prompt. You could have properly presented the discussion using only the first and last sentence, and come away with a better rather than reduced TA score.  
  
Do not start sentences with conjunctions such as "but". As a connecting word, it cannot serve a purpose at the start of the sentence. It will only lower your GRA score as it shows and unfamiliarity with connecting word rules and usage requirements. This is also a 4 paragraph essay. That said, the 2 paragraphs after the first reason will further lower your TA and C&C score as these are both under developed and not connected to the actual discussion that has been posed before you.  
  
Your conclusion will render the essay failing as you moved from the original discussion topic, to the presentation of elderly care, which is not part of the original discussion. This is also an inappropriate conclusion as it is but a continuation of a totally different topic rather than a summary of a related discussion. This is not an essay that will get a passing score due to several prompt deviations in the presentation and GRA problems.
@ngthuha  
  
Thanks for your advice, I'll concern about it. Because I mean "a link" between many issues is a "singular connection" if the link consists of all of the issues.  
  
@Holt  
Thanks a lot, Holt.  
  
You help me a lot, I'll focus on my C&C and TA capacity in my next essays. As you commented, I'm having a problem with coherence in explaining.
***SOME SAY THAT MUSIC PLAYS AN IMPORTANT ROLE IN SOCIETY WHILE OTHERS THINK IT IS SIMPLY A FORM OF ENTERTAINMENT.***  
## DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION.

  
  
Opinions are divided on whether music is just a method for entertaining, or whether it has an essential impact on society. While I understand why some people support the former view, I am still in favour of the latter.  
  
Those who believe that music is simply a form of entertainment may have several arguments. From their point of view, there are many ways to entertain better than music, so music does not have major influences on them. People will underestimate the importance of music if they feel interested in sport. Another point is that some of us may not gain advantages such as relaxation, joy from music. This is the factor behind the reason why people ignore the positive role of music and assess it is just a form of entertainment.  
  
Nevertheless, I still think that those who believe that music is essential in society for several reasons. Chief among these is that music has profound impacts on our mental health. It helps us relax and reduce the risk of stress. Furthermore, choosing appropriate types of music to listen to at different time in a day can improve memory and concentration. Looking at the second idea, music plays an important role in life because it offers chances for us to have a job related to this field. For instance, due to music, not only do musicians compose a lot of popular songs but also theaters can maintain their operation. This allows us to make a living and boost our life quality.  
  
In conclusion, despite acknowledging why people think that music is normally a form of entertainment, I still hold the belief that it has enormous influences on our society.
## **The diagrams below show changes of a cinema from 1980 until now.**

  
*Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant*  
  
The pictures illustrate some changes that were made to a cinema between 1980 and 2020.  
  
It is noticeable that the cinema underwent a significant refurbishment with the introduction of a number of cinemas and amenities in either side.  
  
Looking at the changes in more details, it can be seen that in 1980 there were only 2 cinemas, the first of which located on the immediate left of the entrance and remaining was sited on the opposite side. Over the following 40 years, cinema 2 was relocated on the same side with the first cinema to make room for 3 additional cinemas, which was positioned on the right-hand side of the entrance.  
  
The two maps also show that another major development was made to the facilities, which accommodated various needs of moviegoers. A food and beverage store as well as a relax room were built on the immediate left of the entrance where cinema 1 was once located. Regarding the opposite side, the drink stall at the corner was converted into a DVD shop. Despite considerable changes over 40 years, the toilet and the ticket room have remained unchanged.  
  
*
Do not separate your trending statement from the summary overview. It is a part of the summary information that needs to be immediately noticed by the reader. In truth, your presentation, in the second sentence, is not a trending statement. The actual trend is an overall expansion of the area based on physical representations. The expansion is a trend in the second one, not the addition of cinemas and amenities. The coverage area reference is more important. The others are mere descriptions of physical changes.  
  
You tried to force a 4 paragraph discussion into a 3 paragraph presentation. This resulted in an incomplete summary overview, improper trending statement reference, and a poorly developed first paragraph overall. You did not have too much problems in the succeeding paragraphs, the errors are negligible. You need to focus on identifying when to use the long discussion / short discussion form for Task 1 essays instead. If there are only 2 images, then it is 3 paragraphs, 3 or more images, go with the 4 paragraph version.
IELTS WRITING TASK 2  
let me know what band I got from this essay.  
  
**Question :  
*Some people say that the experiences a child has before starting school have the most influence on their future life. Others say that experiences as a teenager, especially at school, are more influential.*  
  
## Discuss both views and give your own opinion?**  
  
Humans will change by events they have gone over. Some people tell that students will be influenced by their experiences when they are a child. However, others say that experiences when they have grown up, especially at school, will affect them the most. In my point of view, both experiences have a huge influence on their lives.  
  
On the one hand, kids tend to repeat behaviors from other people. For example, if we treat our babies softly, they will act the way we did for them. By contrast, if kids see their parents altercate often, they will become a hot-tempered person. In addition, playing puzzle or any toys help them develop their brand to become smarter when they grow up. Finally, the habits of children also reflect their personality and interests. For instance, a kid who plays with car models tends to be big on cars and explore them a lot in the future.  
  
On the other hand, knowledge adolescent is taught at school play a very important role in their lives. Although teenagers were taught by their parents when they were children, however, they can develop in various ways. Therefore, school is where adolescents can be directed in the right way. At school, teachers create plenty of conditions to help improve their missing skills as well as develop their strong points.  
  
In conclusion, in my opinion, children need to be educated in the correct way during the period from a kid to an adult because all of those experiences will influence what kind of human they will be.  
  
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Here is my essay for IELTS TASK 2 I will take a real IELTS Test next month. Please help me with this essay, what score I can get?.
Kindly sign up for our premium private services or make this thread URGENT to receive a scoring review from me. Scoring is not part of the free services. Students who score essays for fellow students shall be suspended from their forum membership.  
  
The first sentence in the restatement is an opinion that is not being asked for in the restatement. You should have saved that sentence for the reasoning paragraphs, as it would have made an effective topic sentence for your discussion reasons. Never offer an opinion or additional information in the prompt restatement section. That will result in reduced TA points for you.  
  
You successfully explained both public points of view in the presentation, then forgot to present a fully developed personal opinion as the third paragraph in the reasoning presentation. Your opinion cannot be the concluding presentation in the essay at the concluding presentation is always used to present the reverse paraphrase. Your opinion, in the conclusion is not well developed nor presented. This resulted in an open ended essay, without a conclusion so your presentation has a formatting error, which will affect the TA score, among other things.
## tons of waste collected by a recycling centre

  
  
**The chart below shows waste collection by a recycling centre from 2011 to 2015. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
The bar charts compare the differences on the amount of waste collected by a recycling center in 4 different items over a 4-year period starting from 2011.  
  
Overall, it is obvious that an upward trend could be observed in 4 types of waste collection. Moreover, Paper was by far the most common waste item throughout the period shown.  
  
In 2011, there were 57 tons of paper recycled in the center, followed by 48, 35 and 32 tons of glasses. tins and gardens, respectively. Over the following 2 years, the amount of paper waste decreased considerably by 37, to 40 tons. By contrast, waste from glass and tins experienced a drop of around 7 tons in 2012, before recovering to 48 and 34 tons a year later, respectively. During the same period, the amount of gardens waste fell significantly by 17 tons, then followed by a nearly double, at 31 tons in 2013.  
  
From 2013 to 2015, a dramatic rise could be seen in the amount of paper waste, with a jump of 30 tons in just 2 years. The figures for 3 remaining types of waste were relatively the same, with a minimal increase of 4 tons of waste. By 2015, 70 tons of paper waste were collected by the center, while the amount of waste collection from glass, tins and gardens were significantly lower, at 52, 39 and 35 tons.  
  
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