dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## IELTS Writing Task 2 - Opinion Task

  
  
**Everyone should become vegetarian because they do not need to eat meat to have a healthy diet.  
What is your opinion?**  
  
Since plants foods are believed to be better for human body, there is growing concern stating that meat should be excluded from people's diet. In my perspective, despites its evident benefits, vegetarian diet should not be compulsory for all diets.  
  
On the one hand, certain healthy benefits can be obtained as a result of enjoying vegetarian diet. Firstly, it contains a huge source of vitamins or minerals. Therefore, by placing plants foods on daily diet, there will obviously be a fall in other foods' expenditure with the similar purpose of giving adequate nutrition to support our body. Secondly, also by its nutrients content, people surely get less chance of being suffered from those diseases like cancer or obesity by consuming vegetarian diet. For instance, Japanese elderly residents are widely known with the healthy appearance since their diet always contains a huge source of vegetables.  
  
On the other hand, rather than being applied widely, vegetarian diet contains numerous drawbacks for some certain eaters. To begin with, enjoying meat refers to a favorable eating habit that majority of people fail into. Because the tastes value exceeds the 'costs', thus, those are in favor of meat consuming might not be willing to take an exchange for their favorable choice of diet. Furthermore, beef or pork are known as the most valuable source of protein and other nutrients. Hence, if they are excluded from the diet, healthy body will surely not be ensured. For example, back to the past days, majority of people had been suffered from malnutrition since their only available source of food was vegetables.  
  
By way of conclusion, although containing evident benefits like providing vitamins or minerals, I believe that consuming vegetarian diet is not for everyone, especially those who are under sufferance of malnutrition.
Can, this is an opinion essay. Therefore, in the thesis statement for your opening paraphrase, you should include your opinion. The way that you presented your essay does not really accomplish this task properly. The correct paraphrase for this prompt is:  
  
*There is an ongoing discussion as to whether or not all people should shift to a vegetarian diet. This is based on the information that a carnivorous diet is not necessary in order to eat a health beneficial diet. In my opinion, not everyone should be forced to follow a vegetarian diet just because a particular sector of society believes that vegetarianism has more benefits.*  
  
Remember, you are being scored on your paragraph accuracy in terms of content, alignment with the original prompt, and your thesis statement based upon the original discussion instructions. These should be accomplished in no less than 3 sentences. Your opening statement falls short and does not accurately paraphrase the prompt in the process. What I presented above is the most accurate presentation of the original prompt.  
  
Now, since the prompt is asking you to give your opinion, this is supposed to be a one sided discussion. Not a two sided discussion as you presented in your essay. For the one sided discussion of your opinion, you need to have a strong 3 paragraph discussion that indicates one topic sentence per paragraph that is supported by at least 2 reasoning sentences and one example sentence in order to support your point of view.  
  
What you did wrong in this essay is that you provided a 2 sided comparative discussion, which does not equate into a point of view essay. As such, your essay became faulty and will most likely not receive a passing score because you did not offer a proper opinion discussion in the essay. Not once did you use the first person pronoun in this essay that would have proven that this is a personal opinion discussion. It sounds more like a general opinion discussion instead of a personal opinion due to the lack of ownership in your body paragraph statements.
## women in the military?

  
  
*Some people think women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the air force just like men.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?*  
  
Nowadays, a group of individuals believes it is necessary to make it possible for women to serve in the military, treating both genders equally. I strongly agree with this statement and will discuss several reasons behind this support.  
  
First of all, while a small minority of men may feel indifferent whether or not women have to serve in the military, most men would feel being unfairly treated. This is not at all surprising as men will have to make sacrifices after agreeing to serve in the military: labor force experience, a romantic partner, and time. To illustrate, John, one of my friends, had to serve in the army for five years; accordingly, he lost work experience and his future wife - Mary. Mary could not postpone her marriage any longer as her parents forced her to do so. Therefore, most men would prefer pursuing their dreams during those years instead of working in the army.  
  
From a female perspective, although most of them may feel reluctant to join the army, provided that they are rational, a few of them may take it as an insult. This type of women, in particular, believes that by not letting women serve in the military, society will continue to discriminate people based on their gender, most women will never be promoted to a higher position, and they will never be able to live a happy life. For instance, two of my female friends have always been experiencing discrimination at work, and they believe that one of the major factors that has contributed to sex-based discrimination is the fact that women are not permitted to serve in the military. Therefore, it would be a win-win situation if women are allowed to serve in the army.  
  
Finally, it is also vital to have the same number of men and women in the army - a 50-50 split - as both sexes need to learn more about one another; otherwise, they will not be able to communicate with each other effectively once they finish their military duties. It is extremely likely to end up working with the opposite sex at work; in fact, in most organizations, women make up about half of the workforce. Peter - he finished his military duty last year - finds it arduous to work and get on with women in the workplace due to a lack of experience. This has resulted in him being fired without notice.  
  
In conclusion, most men and some women are of the opinion that women should have an opportunity to serve in the army; otherwise, they will feel being mistreated. And given the importance of being able to communicate successfully with women for men, women should be given a chance to enter the military. I therefore, firmly believe not only men but also women have to serve in the army.  
  
It would be great if someone could give me an approximate score for this essay.  
Thanks for your time!
Peter, the score for this essay cannot be higher than a 4 because, while you presented a position in the opening statement, the rest of the discussion is unclear. Your ideas are not really on point. The discussion is neither here nor there in reference to the discussion and the information that you present is not well supported. I will grant that you presented information in your essay but the first paragraph, about the men who sacrifice personal desires does not really relate to the discussion. Then you discussed some issues about workplace discrimination, which does not directly relate to the discussion about women in the military. These discussions were incoherent and and did not help create a progressive response in your discussion. Your vocabulary is acceptable but unfortunately, doesn't relate to the prompt discussion you were presented with. You also use connecting words such as "And" to start your sentence in the conclusion, which shows a lack of sentence structure and grammar usage knowledge on your end. Before I forget, your opening paragraph comes in under the required minimum of 3 sentences. The creation of the run-on sentence for the second sentence shows that you need to work on your sentence structure requirements. Remember the paragraphs need to have at least 3 sentences, no less. The bottomline is, you have the right thesis statement at the end of the opening paragraph, but the whole essay doesn't create a proper context for the discussion along the lines of the prompt requirements. There are other essays here based on the same topic. I suggest you read those examples and learn from the advice that was given to your predecessors so that you can learn what kind of response is expected for this kind of prompt discussion. Just click on the similar discussions button to get access to the similarly themed essay samples.
Hardik, the first question I have to ask is, are you sure you are not speaking of a story from a Hollywood movie? I seem to recall a Hollywood movie, whose title escapes me at the moment, with the same plotline. Please, if you are over dramatizing an event or plagiarizing an event, you need to stop. That will not be good for your application. Reviewers are aware of even the smallest instance of plagiarism based on movie plots because numerous students try to pass off such essays during each application cycle. If you are one of them, then you need to write a more honest and personal experience based essay. Don't risk it, it just isn't worth it.  
  
Now, if by any far fetched chance this is actually an incident that happened to you, without plagiarism involved, then you need to explain why you were asked to go to the waterfall by Richard. Your presence there was not really required and there was no indication that you should have been there in the first place. Next, what happened after you pushed Richard in accidentally? Why did you and Samuel take a vow of silence? How did the incident affect your family? How did your parents try to help you get out of the problem? Why did they fail? What happened to you in jail? How did your incarceration affect your family? How did it affect you physically, mentally, and socially?  
  
There are too many missing elements to make this an informative essay. Aside from parts of your story not adding up as something based on reality. This is why I am suspecting that this is not a true event that happened to you. There are too many holes in your story that exist to the point where the rest of the occurrences in the essay don't make sense unless it was written as a movie plot.
Khushboo, this is a better attempt at responding to a CBEST prompt than your first one. I believe that you can score as high as a 3 with this particular essay. It is focused, informative, and generally delivers on all aspects and expectations. However, your essay takes too long to get to the point. A well written essay does not need to rely on long winded backstories such as the one you present in the opening statement. Simply getting to the point will help you get a higher score because the essay will be razor focused on responding to the prompt. You need not waste time building the backstory of your childhood. You should be spending more time on accurately developing your discussion. In this essay, you could have immediately opened with the second paragraph as the first paragraph and you would have scored closer to a 4 with the essay. Focus on improving your word usage. Try to use more complex English words and create more complex sentences. Right now, you are still sticking to simple sentences, intermediate English vocabulary, and losing time on irrelevant content. Focus on the topic for discussion and your presentation. Review, edit, and revise as often as you can before submitting the paper for a grade. Look for potential weak spots and strengthen it. You don't need to write a very long essay. You need to write a properly responsive and accurate depiction of your English skills instead. You are on the right track. You need to make sure that you don't lose focus of the central purpose of the CBEST test when you write the essay. That way, you don't get waylaid by other writing possibilities within the essay.
*Many people think that fast food companies should not be allowed to advertise while others believe that all companies should have the right to advertise? What is your opinion?*  
  
## fast food commercials

  
  
It is a common belief that the advertisement from the commercial entities of convenience food ought to be prohibited. Though, others think that every industry has equal opportunity to advertise their commodities. In my opinion, I do not advocate the restriction of advertisement in the fast food industry and will present my reasons below.  
  
One particular reason for the allowance of advertisement to fast food commercials is that every industry has equal value in the economy altogether so discrimination of advertising to one sector is unacceptable. Fast food stores have significant contributions to our society in terms of adapting the fast pace lifestyle of people. Especially when many workers are in hurry for food during their breaks before they return back to their positions. The lunch or dinner break is usually mere 30 minutes to many working people so fast food is their best option because of the convenience and take away service. Therefore, fast food industry ought to be treated as many other industries.  
  
Moreover, the advertisement is an essential tool to fast food industry nowadays in boosting the selling as there are enormous rivals competing to one another. Indeed, as the population is uprising which means there are more people to eat out. Such phenomenon is responsible for the increasing number of cafeterias or restaurants in busy cities. The impacts of various styles of food services entering to the industry are harming the overall sales of fast food chains. As a result, advertising their brands in order to gain more loyal customers is the immediate task of many fast food companies.  
  
To recapitulate, fast food commercials have taken a part of contributions in our society so they should be treated fairly in terms of advertising. As many workers are benefiting from the advantage of convenience foods. Furthermore, the amount of newly opening food places is uprising so the advertisement strategy is the hope of gaining back customers to the fast food industry.  
  
I tend to discard placeholders whenever I can and I hope you can evaluate my essay. Advise on improvement is appreciated! Thank you!
Dear Jimmy,  
  
\* Before looking deeper into your essay, I can clearly notice that you dismissed a crucial part: the introduction or the opening paragraph. When you are being asked to express your opinion in such prompts, you should speak generally of the whole topic. For this particular prompt, you ought to start by speaking about how many companies around the world use all sorts of advertisements to advocate their products. Then you move on to mention that some adhere to these methods applied on the junk food industry while other do not. Finally, you can optionally add a question like " ...Is it appropriate to apply advertisement techniques on such industry? ". Then, in the body paragraphs, you can explicit the arguments that back up the position you take regarding the topic.  
  
\* " ...for the allowance of advertisement to fast food commercials " --> The structure is, somewhat, heavy. How about " ...for allowing the advertisement of fast food... ".  
  
\* " ...the fast pace lifestyle of people " --> The use of "fast" is just inappropriate here as you are describing the lifestyle and " of people " is just misplaced. How about " ...the highly-paced, modern lifestyle.".  
  
Those are just a few mistakes to point out. But, let me give you an advice: try to read more. Read articles of all sorts of topics. They not only provide you with a great insight into how to make well-written essays and improve your word-choice, they also make a momentous source of examples to add in your essays as they tackle similar topics to the ones you can expect on a TOEFL or IELTS test.  
  
Finally, keep on writing and you will surely become a better writer.  
Good Luck :)
SG, you will not be allowed to do research in the testing center. The IELTS and TOEFL essay tests are based upon public opinion and personal experience or knowledge. Researched information is not allowed because you do not have the time to do that during the allotted time and the testing center computers bars internet access for test takers. The computers are on LAN lockdown. Additionally, if you add a question in the opening statement that is not part of the original prompt, you will create a prompt deviation because you will feel compelled to respond to your question and focus on responding to that instead of responding to the original prompt. That will result in an automatic failure of your essay test discussion.  
  
With that cleared up, you have successfully produced an opening statement that falls within all the TA scoring considerations. I would ask you though to no longer repeat the statement "In my opinion" and instead just give a straightforward response such as "I do not advocate". That phrase is clearly a personal opinion and shows a varied use of English vocabulary and a different take on the same sentence structure and presentation. Since this is not a direct response essay, you did well to indicate that the reasons will be discussed in the succeeding paragraphs.  
  
However, you did not fully utilize the body of paragraphs in discussing your opinion. While this is clearly a well thought out 4 paragraph essay, the inclusion of another paragraph would have pushed your essay towards a higher scoring consideration. In this instance, the more appropriate format would be:  
  
*Paraphrase  
Body 1 - Reason 1  
Body 2 - Reason 2  
Body 3 - Collective example for both reasons  
Concluding statement*  
  
By the way, you have to make sure that you use the correct terms in your essay, otherwise, you will lose points in the LR section. Your mistake is as follows:  
  
allowance - a share or portion allotted or granted; a fixed or available amount  
allow - to assign as a share or suitable amount (as of time or money)  
  
The term you wanted to use was "allow" and not "allowance" as you are speaking of a soon to be or potentially assigned share of advertising in this instance. The "allowance" is not yet available as of the time the prompt was assigned for writing in this essay.
@Holt, thanks for your detailed explanation! As I was finishing the third paragraphs, I realised I may be over 300 words by the time I complete the conclusion part. Now that you advised me to add an extra paragraph, I am confident to write more words in essays. I will also ensure the words that I use is well fit in the contexts. Anyways, I wish you have a Merry Christmas and Happy new year 2018 if I am not ready to submit my next essay in time!
## complaint letter - faulty hard drive

  
  
Dear Sir or Madam,  
  
This is June who bought a portable hard disk from your company six months ago and the model is HD131. This hard disk is used for saving my company database since I am working at home. The hard disk is very reliable and speedy until this morning, I can't open the database and I tried all the possible ways to open the files such as re-starting the computer, trying on the other computer but still can't access to the files.  
  
The problem is I need those data from the hard disk urgently since I have to send the information to my client before tomorrow's meeting. If I can't get it done by today, I will lose a contract which cost $100,000.  
  
Your company has very good reputation and I heard your customer supporting service is very efficiency. I sincerely seek for your help to recover the data that saved in my hard disk. I will send the back up file that stored in the hard disk and grateful if you can solve the problem or provide any possible solution for me on or before 12:00pm.  
  
Please feel free to contact me via this email or 04123456.  
  
Your help is much appreciated.  
  
best regards,  
  
June
June, I would have appreciated it if you had given the instructions for writing this letter along with your post. I need to know if you properly referenced the requirements of the instructions or if you have some errors in the presentation. I feel that there is an error in the dating of this letter because you require all of the work to be done on the same day of the submission of the letter, before 12 noon. That is impossible because the work that has to be done on the hard drive will take at least 2 weeks to accomplish. That is why I think that you have not properly written the letter. The most important aspect of this letter is a reference to having called the help center in order to have assistance in remote retrieval of the files on the hard drive. You did not reference that in the letter. You just did the most basic recovery methods on your own, without guidance. You also did not mention if this particular problem is covered by their warranty and what makes you believe that. Alongside that, you neglected to mention where you bought the hard drive and when. Simply saying 3 months ago is insufficient. You must indicate that you will be including your receipt along with the letter in order to prove that the item is still covered by the warranty. There are a number of inaccuracies in this letter that make it hard to consider it for a passing score. While the grammar is acceptable, the presentation leaves many questions for the reader.
## benefits of early learning of a foreign language

  
  
Hello! I would really appreciate that someone helps edit my IELTS writing task2 and gives some feedback for improving my grammar, word choice, sentence structures.:)  
  
Please see the topic below:  
*Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school.  
Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantage? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience*  
  
Here's my composition:  
  
Generally, children are taught a foreign language at secondary school, but some educationalists suggest that primary schools should introduce foreign language to pupils. The policy has been adopted by some educational authorities and individual schools, which brings about positive and negative outcomes.  
  
Starting learning a foreign language in primary school, some argue, can strengthen children's learning ability and broaden their cultural outlook. As children pick up languages more easily than adolescents, and their brains are still developing to acquire their mother tongue, learning another language can facilitate the learning area of their brains and deepen their understanding of their native language. Besides, the introduction of a foreign language also brings along with culture and history. By teaching songs or telling stories in a foreign language, pupils can have imaginative sympathy and appreciation of foreign culture.  
  
However, the others concern that primary schools lack enough the educational profession in the second language. Another problem is the teaching style and its method. If children find it difficult or bored while learning another language and unable to receive proper assistance from teachers, learning foreign language early would still be not effective. Nevertheless, these issues can be improved by strategic policy.  
  
In my opinion, early exposure to foreign language benefits children economically and culturally in the future. The advantages are not only job prospects at home and broad but also the opportunities of communicating with and understanding about another culture in a more respectful way. As a result, young kids' capacity and knowledge should be cultivated to achieve these benefits.  
  
(254 words)