dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Is It Worth It? the Costs and Benefits of Space Exploration

  
  
**Space exploration costs tax payers an exorbitant amount of money each year. What are the advantages and disadvantage of spending money on space exploration?**  
  
There is a huge investment carried out by the government to support space exploration and a large part of it is charged from people in the form of tax. This essay will highlight the benefits and drawbacks that have resulted from this investment.  
  
Looking firstly at the positives, a crucial advantage that investment in space exploration provides is the ability to forecast natural disasters. This is because the satellites that are placed around the earth's atmosphere can monitor the changes going around by detecting any anomalies and passing the information to the connected systems back on the earth. This allows the authorities to prepare better contingency plans which can, in turn, save many lives in the event of any calamity. Besides this, the data collected by space expeditions are extremely helpful in scientific studies. For instance, a recent study by Harvard University stated that how the metrics sent by one of the satellites has helped to discover the impact of gravitational waves on the planet.  
  
However, the investment done on space expeditions does present some disadvantages, the most obvious of which is the infrastructure cost. Although the exploration of space is useful for research work, it requires a large amount of money to manufacture a spacecraft and carry out the operation. Furthermore, many times the launch of spacecraft fails thus resulting in the waste of the money which could have been better spent in other areas to improve people's life. Another significant disadvantage is the loss of human life which sometimes happens when these expeditions fail. For instance, in 2003 all the astronauts who were returning back from moon died due to the malfunctioning of the spacecraft's equipment.  
  
In conclusion, the space explorations are beneficial in terms of forecasting natural calamities and providing breakthroughs in scientific research, it is important to consider the infrastructure cost which they add on and the unlikely events of failure of a spacecraft and its concomitant death of astronauts.
For instance, in 2003 all the astronauts who were returning back from moon died  
Not sure where you took this information from, considering the fact that NASA says it is impossible to go to the Moon - proof: youtu.be/Jjt7HpC6w3o (and other related).  
  
Still, the fact that you covered the enormous amount of money spent on space exploration (while so many roads have huge unfixed potholes), is a good way of presenting your argument.
**I recommend that you try to be more concise with your language, especially because you are dealing with word counts in these types of essays.**  
  
Let's take your first paragraph's introductory sentence as an example. I can revise this as:  
*In support of space exploration, a huge investment is carried out by the government using people's taxes.*  
  
Notice how instead of mentioning that a large part of it is from the taxes of the people, I had simply mentioned that they carried out the investment using these taxes. This simplifies your sentence structure because it encompasses everything you want to say while removing unnecessary parts. It is noticeable how you usually lengthen your sentences; I would therefore suggest that you try to implement this more when you're writing.  
  
For instance, let's look at your second paragraph's second sentence. I could phrase this instead as:  
*Satellites are placed around the atmosphere to monitor changes through detecting anomalies and passing information back to earth.*  
  
Notice how omitting certain key words can greatly enhance your essay. Substantiation does not always pertain to adding a lot of words into the essay. You better instead allocate this space for more concrete content.  
  
I would also watch out for how you transition your sentences. For instance, if we were to look at your third paragraph, you should utilize semi-colons more to have a better flow to your essay. Doing this will vastly improve your structure.  
  
Best of luck.
## dining in fast food restaurants

  
  
The bar chart gives information about the frequency of people in the USA consumed in fast food eatery from 2003 to 2013  
  
Overall, People in the states frequently ate in fast food restaurant once a week both in the year 2003 and 2006, whereas people ate in fast food restaurant mostly once or twice a month in the year 2013.  
  
The peak percentages of people in states frequently dined in fast food restaurant once a week were above 30% in 2013 and rose up to approximately about 33% in 20106. Then rapidly experienced a downward trend in 2013, which was about 27%. In the meantime the highest percentages of eating at fast food establishment once or twice a month were also approximately about 35%, when the rate accounted for exactly 30% and 25% in 2013 and 2006 respectively.  
  
On the other hand, the lowest proportions of frequency of people in the USA consumed in the fast food eatery over ten-year period indicated nearly 5% in 2013 and remained steady around 3% from 2006 to 2013, which were the rate of eating at the fast food eatery daily.
Hi!  
  
I also happened to practice this same title before and followings are my humble opinions:  
  
1. The second paragraph could also be written as below to decrease the repetition.  
whereas the frequency of major consumers rose to once or twice a month in the year 2013.  
  
2. I don't think plural is needed for superlative  
such as highest percentages and lowest proportions  
  
Last but not least, I like how you addressed this article with various vocabularies!  
  
Good luck!
Firstly, I would suggest switching up your usage of verbs/words to have more appropriate content.  
  
Let's take a look at your first sentence; I would revise this as:  
*The bar chart contains information on the frequency of fast food consumption in the United States from 2003 to 2013.*  
  
I have done a couple of key things here. Firstly, I changed gives to contains because it is has a more appropriate meaning that is related to your succeeding interpretations of the text. Secondly, I also made certain that there is more clarity with what you want the readers to know. The chart contains information on the frequency of fast food consumption; I find that this formatting enables you to optimize your word count more because you do not need to mention that it is an eatery. Knowing how to merge your details together will be pivotal when you are working with word counts.  
  
Moreover, I suggest that you merge the hanging second line into the first line that you already have in order to create a more comprehensive introduction text. I also recommend that you look at your usage of articles (*the, a, an*) when you are articulating (ie. it should be people in the states frequently ate in a fast food restaurant - *not unless you want to make it plural* making it ate in fast food restaurants).  
  
**You had decent transitions between your sentences in the third paragraph.** I would only suggest that you try to minimize these transition words (ie. *it's unnecessary for you to include one in every sentence; organically shifting from one part to another can still be achieved*).  
  
Just keep these in mind. Best of luck!
## Why patients must rely less on doctors

  
  
**Topic**: These days, too many people maintain their health by relying on doctors and medicine, rather than by following a healthy lifestyle. To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
  
**Writing**  
Healthcare improvements have reduced the risk of so many serious illnesses that people nowadays tend to depend on their services. In fact, the values of keeping in shape is almost forgotten. I agree that doctors and medicine are considered to be the best method throughout the world today.  
  
Firstly, well-qualified doctors and the scientific researches on pharmaceuticals reassure people. It takes at least 5 or 6 years training to become a doctor and also scientists have to do many experiments on the medicine before putting it into uses. For example, the rubella vaccine is widely used around the world after 10-year study. Thanks to its application, 95% of the world population have been saved. It is clear that patients feel secure when they follow the advice of doctors to cure their disease.  
  
Secondly, building a healthy routine requires a lot of time and efforts while taking medicine helps people recover in a short period. Fitness centers have been established every corner of one city and attracted many people. However, they often give up after 1 month joining the sports centers because they get frustrated waiting for changes on their bodies. According to Queen's University's survey, only 10% participants continued the training course after the first month in SO gym. Obviously, people have a tendency to choose the easier path to keep fit which is making appointments with doctors rather than spending time to do exercise regularly.  
  
In conclusion, the majority invest for health by taking medical care and pharmaceutical products instead of following healthy habits these days. I think it would be better if people participate in a health course or a sport club that helps to prevent illnesses because sometimes sickness cannot be cured.
**I firstly recommend that you try to have more clarity when it comes to what you want to say in your essay.** When you're rereading your essay as you are editing it yourself, always ask yourself the appropriate questions. For instance, if we were to take a look at your first paragraph, I can come up with the following questions:  
  
*1. What services in particular are people depending on?  
2. What counts as a serious illness?  
3. Why has the values of society shifted away from keeping in shape? What happened?*  
  
If you can answer these questions briefly, it can improve the content of your essay because it'll provide a more solid foundation.  
  
I would also say that you have to be wary about your usage of verbs, especially when it comes to tenses. Always maintain consistency. If a sentence uses a singular noun/subject, use a singular verb. This rule should be applied throughout your essay.  
  
If I were to revise your first paragraph, I can rewrite it as:  
*Improvements in healthcare have reduced the risk of illnesses such as [...], causing people to depend on the medicinal services. The value of keeping in shape is slowly deteriorating because of [...]. That being said, doctors and medical care are still the best method for health maintenance.*  
  
**Notice how I tried to be more specific with the content while avoiding being redundant.** Doing this can help your essay optimize its limited space through integrating these techniques and forms.  
  
Let's take a look at your second paragraph. I would revise the second line as:  
*It takes roughly five to six years of training to become a doctor; medicine undergoes numerous laboratory experiments before being put to the market.*  
  
It is quite informal to use the numbers straight-up. Because of this, I would opt that you write down the entire essay - not unless you are required to do otherwise. I had also found it unnecessary to mention that scientists are the ones who conduct experiments considering that they are the only ones qualified to accomplish this type of work. If a portion of the information is easily known (*general knowledge*), then it is alright to omit it from your essay. This will save you words to be able to utilize that in correct ventures.  
  
Keep these in mind as you are reviewing your essay. Best of luck!
## High-Paid Athletes

  
  
**Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.**  
  
my answers:  
  
It is true that an athlete can become wealthier through the fame him or her made than professionals in other fields. Although a proportion of people regard it as unjustified, I personally believe that this situation is totally reasonable.  
  
There are two reasons why people see it as an unfair trend. Firstly, athletes do not have to acquire completed subjects such as Math and Science. All they have to do is keep playing basketball or swimming all day long, which can be played or done by anyone. The threshold of entering these fields is low. Secondly, they do not have to deal with a challenging environment. For example, shareholders took large amount of risks to invest in companies and may face difficult situations sometimes which they are not able to avoid or control. Nonetheless, sportlers only need to keep their performance stable, and apart from being influenced by themselves, no other elements can intervene them.  
  
Admittedly, form these perspectives, chances of athletes being rich are larger than other professionals and risks are lower as well. Nevertheless, the athletes who have become famous must have to be talented or even have been spending plenty of time and money on training. Besides, they also need to manage their diets well and sacrifice lots of fun in their lives, maybe also includes the opportunity to spend time with their beloved ones, the chances of being seen by the world is not as large as other people think. They have to attend dozens of competitions and win the gold medals first.  
  
To sum up, although some people think what athletes do is not complicated and do not deserve high salaries, whereas I would argue that all the elements considered, it is only fair that they earn well.  
  
Thank you very much!
**You should move the first sentence of your second paragraph into the first paragraph**. It looks more structured if you proceed to listing directly instead of needing to introduce this portion into your body.  
  
**I recommend that you tone down making bold proclamations in your essay**. While the intent behind why you are doing this may be positive, you should keep in mind that making assertions should always be followed by back-up details that can substantiate your words. If you cannot, always try to evade words that can appear to be aggressive.  
  
For instance, let's take a look at your second paragraph's third sentence. Instead of mentioning that anyone can play sports, you can perhaps say:  
  
While these sports require intensive training, these skills can also be learned by other people.  
This is a more mellow approach to your essay's content.  
When making your point, keep in mind that the sports field is also an all-or-nothing career. This means that a single injury can break their entire career, causing them to be unemployed for a longer period of time. If you take this into account, there are risks present in the field - however, it could just be that these risks are potentially easier to mitigate than others. **Discuss your thoughts in a more in-depth and balanced way.**  
  
**Use less complex structures; and also use more formal language.** Doing both in tandem can help develop a more academic tone in your essay.  
For instance, I could implement that technique in the third paragraph's third sentence through revising it as:  
**Athletes have to manage their diet and make a lot of personal sacrifices**. This includes, for example, not being able to spend time with their loved ones. While the fame included in sports appears to be superficially glorious, it is not necessarily risk-free.  
  
I would also suggest that follow through your summation and conclusion with the same formatting.  
*Best of luck.*
## Why do we need music and which?

  
  
Question - ''**There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?**''  
  
Nowadays, music has become more important as a part of most people's life. Most people can relax, strengthen their concentration and gain motivation to do sport through listen music. That's the significant of music.  
  
To commence with, the traditional music and the International music have a bit controversial about which one is more important. Recently, the traditional music often use it to represent a country or some ceremony. For instance, the national anthem of China, the every signal lyrics contain the attitude of Chinese when they were facing the huge the problem and encouraging Chinese keep forward. Moreover, the flat ceremony is conducting, whilst the organiser is playing the national anthem. Indeed, we know the importance of the traditional music, but a lot of people still lose sight of the significant of the traditional music.  
  
On the other hand, most people prefer the International music is quite more important than the traditional music in terms of the amount of people listen that and it's function. First of all, listen these music can relax people's mood from depression. According to some psychologists's experiment, prove that some international popular music can be a source of pleasure and contentment. Moreover, the number of people listen the international music must be more than the traditional music. It is because a lot of mobile apps are designed for people listen any international music. It raises the amount of people to listen these music. That's why the international is more significant than traditional music.  
  
In conclusion, I once again reaffirm my view that the international music is more important. Not only do the traditional one can represent a country, but the international one also are more functional.
**Firstly, I have noticed that you were quite confusing when it comes to verb-noun usage.** There were instances wherein you had used the wrong form in your sentence, affecting the overall writing construction of your essay. I would suggest that you try to revisit the fundamentals in order to evade this problem as there is no other way than doing that.  
  
Let's take a look at your first paragraph. I would revise this as:  
*Music has nowadays become an integral part of people's lives. People can relax, improve their concentration, and become motivated to be active through listening to music; this is the significance of music.*  
  
Notice how instead of mentioning that it is more important, I tried to replace it with a word that is similar in expression but is more direct with its impact: integral. I had also shifted around the wordings of the second sentence to have more appropriate tone. Lastly, I had also integrated the usage of a semi-colon to create a *smoother transition* between sentences that are strongly correlated. **Doing small steps such as this can help improve your essay; apply this all throughout.**  
  
There is no need for you to use an article, the, before traditional and international music because they are neither formal words nor pronouns. It is more appropriate to leave it as is and to integrate the words together (ie. [...] traditional and international music have become controversial [...]).  
  
You should try to be clearer with what you are trying to convey. *What do you mean by the third sentence of your second paragraph? How does the overlap of the ceremony and the national anthem mean that people have lost sight of how significant traditional music is?* Try to reconstruct this sentence to make it articular. **A good way to do this is to create simpler sentences that are both descriptive and direct to the point to not confuse the readers.**  
  
Watch out for the forms of your word. For instance, in your third paragraph's first sentence, it should be written as amount of people that listen to it and **its** function rather than what is written right now. It should be listening to music (on the succeeding sentence) rather than listen these music. Having better hold of the forms can help your essay's structure become more academically proficient.  
  
Implement these comments all throughout your essay. Best of luck.
I think you should change other ways to express the sentence *That's the significant of music.* . It's somehow informal and the sentence is too short. I suggest you should use relative clause.  
  
Also, you ought to be aware of some grammar mistakes  
For example, ~~the~~ traditional music often uses it to represent a country  
or  
Every signal lyric~~s~~ contains the attitude of Chinese  
lose sight of the significance of the traditional music  
and so on.
## involvement in one subtype of a sport

  
  
Some parents feel that involvement in just one sport helps their children to be very skilled and competitive. This idea has both positive and negative effects. On one hand, there are a number of benefits when parents encourage students to specialize in one sport. Firstly, early specialization will help children gain more experience to the sport and become more advanced because they have more time to practice. Therefore, they can easily reach goals and compete with other children. In addition, training in childhood is the most beneficial effect because this makes them get used to movements. In my opinion, however, there are many disadvantages of concentrating on one sport. The first drawback is it will prevent kids from expanding their other interests and children will not know in which they have the most talent. Besides, a child playing only one sport can become tired and rundown, possibly causing a desire to quit. In conclusion, early specialization in just one sport has advantages and disadvantages.
**You can improve your essay through incorporating more substantiated content in its entirety.** Try to evade laziness when it comes to being descriptive (ie. using words such as very when there are alternative options that can express this in a clearer manner). Try to also maximize the space that you have for your essay; this pertains to **using more concise language to be able to adjust your essay accordingly**. When you are constructing your essay, keep in mind that it is for academic standards. This means that you should always try to incorporate different techniques and style to showcase a grasp of the language.  
  
For instance, if I were to revise the first lines of your essay, I would put it this way:  
*There are parents who believe that involving their children in just one sport would help them excel competitively in the field. This notion has to be discussed from two sides: positive and negative.*  
  
Notice how I had mentioned that the children would excel competitively - instead of just saying that they would be very skilled and competitive. While the latter tells the story as well, the former appears to be more straightforward with what you would want to happen.  
  
Watch out for your usage of preposition. I have noticed that, in your third sentence, the word you are looking for is that they would gain more experience in the sport (not to the sport because it is not a movement towards it, rather is incorporating the skills in the act itself). **Knowing these nuisances can help your essay become more meaningful.**  
  
Try to crack down your sentences into smaller content; this will help you become more direct. For instance, in your fifth to the last sentence, it should be written as:  
  
*In addition, early childhood training would reap the most benefits because of how it trains them to get used to the movements.*  
  
Keep in mind these comments the next time you write. Best of luck!