dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## The writing of IELTS Cambridge 11 Task 2

  
  
Government should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  
  
The issue of whether government should invest on railway systems more than roads or not is controversial in society. It is argued by some people that putting efforts on railways is a brilliant way compare to constructing roads. However, I personally disagree that constructing more railway systems are much more beneficial than roads. The following essay will illustrate the two chief reasons of my opinion.  
  
First of all, creating a mass railway system need to accumulate abundant of money and time. Unlike the money which invests on roads, governments have to gather funds from private companies or increase tax from citizens in order to create a new railway. It might cause the financial heaviness of society. In addition, roads can be built within a short-term period, and we can start to use it in handy. On the contrary, from planning to completing the whole train system, it takes at least more than ten years. Nowadays, world and society are changeable, we never know what is going to happen in the next second, not to mention if we can really use railway facilities in that far future. This is my first reason why I disagree the statement which mentioned on the topic.  
  
Secondly, it is not so efficient for train to reach all the villages or rural districts. It is said that all roads lead to Rome and it is a true fact compare to the limitation of railway expansion. Most of the time, railway only can reach main cities. The citizens who live in country would prefer to chose roads. Based on the efficiency and convenience factors, I strongly deny the statement that held on the topic.  
  
In summary, I once again reaffirm my position that governments spend money on railways rather than roads is inappropriate and I completely disagree with that due to the massive money and time investing. Last but least, its own efficiency.
Hi! Your essay is well-arranged. I admire the structure of this essay! Here are a few suggestions on the language front:  
  
**Several corrections**  
1. ... is a brilliant way ~~compare~~ **compared** to...  
2. ... system ~~need to accumulate abundant of~~ requires a large amount of ~~money~~ funding and time. (Subject-predicate agreement）  
  
**Avoid redundancy:**  
eg. However, I personally ~~disagree~~ that...  
  
**Replace complex structures with simpler expressions:**  
eg1. Unlike ~~the money which invests~~ investments on roads  
eg2. Rewrite "On the contrary, ... " into "On the contrary, a new railway system takes at least a decade to plan and complete."  
  
eg3. The citizens ... would prefer ~~to chose~~  roads.  
  
**Avoid dangling modifiers:**  
"Unlike the money which invests on ..." This sentence may create a confusion: Are "governments" "unlike the money which invests on roads"? Reading twice, I can understand it is "building railways" that is unlike investments on roads. This confusion is because the subject in this sentence is not the actual subject of the modifier "Unlike the money which invests on roads". And this is against grammar. So please make sure modifiers share the same subject as the rest of the sentence.  
  
Hope this helps!
Hi everyone,  
  
Please take a look at my essay and feel free to make comments on my work. I am really grateful to you.  
  
***People naturally resist making changes in their lives.  
What kind of problems can this cause? What solutions can you suggest?***  
  
Being too afraid of changes is a normal phenomenon but this makes some people avoid using new technologies or accepting modern philosophies. By doing this, they may sometimes lose good chances when competing with other people. One possible answer to this situation is for the government to launch campaigns to raise communities' awareness about the significance of flexibility in this era.  
  
The foremost problem caused by reluctance to adapt is having fewer opportunities in landing a job. It is obvious that employers tend to prefer people equipped with knowledge of the cutting-edge. In almost every vitae curriculum there is a question asking about the applicants' skills at using computer or email. If those people are set in their ways, the state-of-the-art technological inventions may cause them difficulties. For example, over a past few years, many foreign companies do not have headquarters in Vietnam; however, they hire local agents to collect data and report to them via telecommunications, so to work with them needs employees to get used to technological devices.  
  
One possible solution to this problem would be to help people, especially adults and young people to be more adaptable because they are likely to join labor force in near future. Via media and educational methods, the government should convey the message that people unwilling to embrace changes are subject to negative changes in this ever-changing world. Take labor force in some developed Asian countries like Japan or Singapore for example, it is clear that they are usually considered of high quality and they seem to be preferable in job competitions than workers from other regional countries just because they are prepared for changes early on in their life.  
  
To conclude, whether changing is random or intentional, it takes place every day. Not being prepared for it would lead to one's incompetence; however, a good idea is to keep their knowledge and abilities up-to-date through education.
@mabubeo  
Hello there. I apologize for the delay. I hope that you find this feedback to be helpful as you venture into learning more about the language. If you have any more questions, please do not hesitate to approach us for it.  
  
First and foremost, I find that the general flow of your essay lacks that fundamental structure. When referring to structure, this pertains to the usage of pauses and punctuation sprinkled throughout to ensure that you are relaying the message with more ease. Take a look at your introductory or first sentence. While it was great that you have been able to introduce the topic of the essay with such clarity, you need to be able to simplify and create a more concise pattern for your writing.  
  
Be cautious as well as to how you compose your messages. The first sentence of the third paragraph needs a bit of work due to the lack of functionality. Linking that shorter line with the chunk of text added a bit of unnecessary complexity to the entirety of the message, making it even more difficult for readers to comprehend the text. Try to focus on clarity rather than merging everything in a sophisticated manner.
I am preparing for my CBEST writing exam this month. Please help me review my essay. I will appreciate any advise.  
  
PROMPT:  
Explain a risk you have taken in your life. What did you learn from it?  
  
ANSWER:  
  
Most times life is unpredictable, and sometimes we take risks to achieve certain goals in life. I used to hear this saying "love is blind" but I never knew I will be a victim. Three years ago, I met this beautiful girl on social media and after months of constant communication we fell in love. But the challenge was the distance between us because I lived and worked in Nigeria while she lived and worked in America. So, we decided to be visiting each other whenever we are on vacation. Though that was not enough. We later got married during one of her visits to Nigeria. But the major challenge was who will relocate amongst us because we need to live together as husband and wife.  
  
I was working as a health and safety officer with an oil company in Nigeria and my wife was working as a registered nurse in America. This is where one of us needs to take a risk and relocate. I was so confused and scared. Lots of questions kept popping up in my head. If I relocate, how am I going to adjust to the new environment? What about my job? How I am I supposed to cope without my family and friends around me?  
  
After much deliberation, I decided to face my fears and relocate. First, I went to my office and dropped my resignation letter. Also informed colleagues of my decision to join my wife in America and everyone was surprised. My little sister wouldn't stop crying because she loved staying around me. On the other hand, my wife was happy because am coming to live with her.  
  
Five months later, I relocated to America and it was not an easy decision for me. It was difficult to settle down. I had culture shock, struggled to find the job of my choice, missed my friends and family. I became frustrated. But my wife supported me all the way. I learned their English language and culture. After four months I got a job. This made me stronger and I eventually settled down.  
  
What I learned from it? I have learned to take bold steps and pursue my dreams. Without taking this risk I wouldn't have been able to be with my wife, learn new culture and American tradition. Today, I believe in taking reasonable and calculated risks because my success might depend on it.
I don't know if this essay is a draft but there are some grammatical and punctuation errors that you need to address. Also sentence fragments. Another thing is the second question of the prompt, "what did you learn from it". Expand and write more about this. Consider why your wife moving to Nigeria is a bad/good thing for you. To defend it, your wife is a registered nurse and moving to a country in Africa means exposing herself to many illnesses that even America is facing right now. Example is E. Boli. Expand what dreams you have since you are moving to a "foreign" country for you. How would it affect getting a new job? What risks would you take then?
## cases of physical, psychological or emotional abuse in families

  
  
Domestic violence is causing more and more concern throughout the world as it results in thousands of deaths every year. Domestic violence can be seen between married or cohabiting couples. Also, children or elderly relatives of a family may be exposed to domestic violence. There are several factors that play a role in domestic violence such as social, economic and familial factors. Mostly, it leads to physical, psychological or emotional abuse, and sometimes the death of people. Therefore, it is vitally important to produce solutions to overcome domestic violence since it has a severe impact on people.  
  
First of all, education plays a great role in overcoming domestic violence. People are primarily educated in their homes. Families are responsible for building their children's character. Since children can take their parents as their role models, they copy their parents' behaviors when they face a problem. For instance, if children witness their father exerting violence on their mother, they might think that violence is a good way to solve a problem. Therefore, parents ought to bring up their children as respectful and decent individuals. Furthermore, schools should teach children that girls and boys are equal and they can solve their problems respectfully without thinking of violence. In this way, it might lead to alleviating domestic violence considerably.  
  
Moreover, increasing funding for non-governmental organizations can alleviate domestic violence. Governments ought to fund this kind of social organizations since these organizations can help women gain their economic independency. Most women who are exposed to violence cannot end up their destructive relationships as they are not economically independent to stand on their own feet. Therefore, financial support is necessary for women to be more powerful.  
  
All in all, domestic violence is one of the biggest problems in today's world. The effects of domestic violence such as leading to physical, psychological or emotional abuse and sometimes the death of people can be very serious. Educating people about violence and financial support to social organizations can be the most effective solutions to overcome domestic violence.  
  
I would be glad if you checked my essay :)
@Selen can  
Hi there. Welcome to the forum. I hope that this feedback becomes beneficial for you. If you find any of this helpful, please do not hesitate to approach us for more inquiry on your writing.  
  
Firstly, the essay is already quite put-together as I would say. You had no fundamentally difficult details that are tough to comprehend. Rather, you needed to have a firmer grip on the details. Take, for example, your first paragraph. While you had a broader discussion as to how the entirety of your opinions flow, you were unable to grasp more fundamental details such as giving more concrete examples. If you can make it more descriptive, it would be better for the entirety of your text.  
  
Furthermore, the other portions of the text also need this much attention. Because of your lack of attention to detail, you were unable to showcase how the body paragraphs translate to reality. This makes your essay quite difficult to comprehend, considering that readers have to exert more effort into reading the texts available.
I'm not a native English speaker/writer, so please help me review and correct my writing below. Thank you so much.  
  
## let's protect our planet

  
  
I'm telling you about a forest fire occured in my hometown 2 months ago. It had started when a villager was burning gabage on the foot of the mountain. Unfortunately, strong wind combined with dry weather and to much dry leaves make the fire broke out and became uncontrollable. Althought local people and authority tried their best to put out the blaze but after 2 days, the situation was under control.  
  
The fire had destroyed a large area of primary forest, killed one person trying to fight it and many species of animals as well. We all know, it will take so long time for the forest to restore its previous state.  
  
The man who caused this disaster was sentenced 20 years in jail. I, personally think, the authority should fine him to re-afforest instead of imprison him, that's more useful in a humanity way. Cause I know villagers here are honest, but a little bit ignorance. They lack of knowledge in protecting forest.  
  
After all, let's protect the forest, the ocean, the air and our planet in general. That means we are save our life and our family's as well.
Hi,there.  
  
I would like to give you some writing suggestions about your writing.😊😊  
  
It would be better to avoid the starter like \* I am telling you...\* it seems like informal. Instead, you can try like this \*It was.....\*  
  
And I would suggest you can write a conclusion like below.  
  
To conclude + restate your opinion (I strongly believe...) + restate 2 reason (because...)  
  
This is what I usually do when I am writing the conclusion.  
  
I hope this could be help. Best of luck in your future writings.😊😊
## IELTS TASK 2: Studying aboard

  
  
Question: [G][b]In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study aboard. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?  
  
We now live in an age when many of us have a chance to study in another country to get a university qualification. It is really different than many years ago that students just stayed in their province and went to college. So let us consider what strengths and weaknesses studying overseas includes.  
  
Generally speaking, student will benefit from living aboard and studying there. Firstly, every country has its own diversity traditions and customs, so it is good for us to discover. For example, Chilean have a surprisingly unique New Year celebrating way is spending New Year's Eve with the dead. Therefore, some kinds of traditional celebration like that probably make us curious and interested in. Secondly, we will have a chance to study with effective and morden studying methods that help us to learn easily such as theories combine practicing, going on an excursion, studying with smart televisions and robots, being encouraged to organise a community project, etc so we will become more knowledgeable to develop our countries when we return.  
  
Notwithstanding, getting foreign schooling also has some drawbacks. Culture shock is one of them.We cannot be accustomed to it right away; it may take us two weeks or one month to adjust, especially for some of us have been familiar to our country's life styles so it can take us years. For instance, Asians have difficulty being used to the greet methods are kissing cheeks and hugging each other when they study in Western countries. Or some left-handed people feel uncomfortable in UAE because using left hand when they are eating is considered gross. Otherwise, if we have a habit of sitting in the back of a cab, then it is rude in Australia.  
  
Without any doubt, not only does the trend of overseas study have positive aspect that is its studying facilities and chance for us to explore the culture but also cover a downside is shocking people with those unfamiliar cultures.
Hi Americana,  
You have good points and supported by examples in your essay. Though I have few observations, Always try to proofread your essay. Always check your grammar because it might prevent someone from understanding the point your making. Eg. The third sentence in paragraph two.  
  
We can re-write it thus: "Chilean has a surprising way of celebrating their new year's eve with the dead"  
  
Here is another one ---  
We can re-write this sentence to---- especially for some of who have become familiar with our country's lifestyles, it can take us years.  
  
Let's look at this sentence too--- ... being used to the ~~greet~~ methods are ...  
  
Goodluck!
## recreation areas more important than shopping centers?

  
  
*When new towns are planned, it is important to build more public parks or sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?*  
  
Urban planning is a technical and political process of designing and developing economical, environmental, cultural and transportation needs. It is often argued that cities should have more public parks and sports complexes than shopping malls to have more relaxed time. This essay will firstly discuss the importance of public spaces for today's city inhabitants, secondly the importance of shopping complexes for a town, followed by a reasonable conclusion on why I completely disagree to the fact that parks and sport complexes are essential for a city than the shopping centers.  
  
One argument put in favour of the prime benefit of the parks is that is provides a great opportunity for city dwellers to relax or do an outdoor activity such as jogging or cycling. Today's busy lifestyles make people unhealthy and most of them are used to a sedentary lifestyle. Sports complexes and gyms will be essential places for them to escape from hectic and stressful work environment and spend some quality time for exercises and other physical activities. Also this will give them opportunity to develop their social life boosting interactions among the community. For instance, a survey conducted by Queen's University stated that 60% of urban population uses gymnasiums after work hours and during the weekends. Therefore it is an unarguable fact that cities need public spaces and recreation sporting facilities for a healthy population.  
  
On the other hand, shopping complexes create a financial advantage for a city. They will give more convenient shopping experience for town dwellers reducing the transportation cost. Also they may attract visitors from other cities as well. Shopping malls within the city created employment opportunities on retail, maintenance and security sectors exhorting local residents to work within their city limits. Last month, the newspaper 'Sunday Times' revealed that the recently opened 'Majestic' shopping mall in Kandy created 1000 jobs for the locals contributing the city economy. However, some may argue that shopping complexes tempt people to spend on unnecessary things that are not quite essential.  
  
Based on the above facts discussed, I completely disagree that public parks and sports facilities are more crucial than shopping centers. It is an absolute imperative that a city should have a healthy and wealthy residents. In order to have a balanced city, it is indispensable that the city planners should design and develop parks, sporting complexes as well as shopping centers. Parks and sporting facilities should not be developed at the expense of shopping malls for a city.
Nice first paragraph, although I think you should state your opinion immediately rather earlier  
  
I think your argument isn't convincing enough most especially when you are rebutting the beneficial claims you are giving on sport complexes. It is quite obvious and that the benefits you give outweighs your rebuttal which ultimately makes your argument unconvincing.  
  
your arguments towards shopping complex looks good and your grammatical expression is okay.  
  
You should also try ending with a hook
## The diagram shows the process of using water to produce electricity

  
  
The diagram illustrates how electricity is produced by using water. This process of producing electricity involves in natural resources and human-built equipment.  
  
First of all, the sun energy evaporates water from the sea. The evaporated water forms to clouds. The rainwater is stored in the reservoir and controlled by a valve. Once the valve is opened, the water current revolves turbine to generate electricity. Simultaneously, the water is pumped back to the reservoir from the turbine. After that electric current is transferred from high voltage cables to main transformer station. The transformer station delivers electricity to residential areas such as hospitals and schools through underground cables.  
  
Overall, the illustration shows that the process of hydro - electric power generation consists of two main stages such as water evaporation and accumulating electricity in the transformer station.  
  
*
Question:  
## Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

  
*Governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams.  
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.*  
  
Some people believe that government should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of athletics. Nevertheless, I disapprove of the statement because of the importance of athletics and the fame of a country, people who excel in sport and differences between arts and sports game industry.  
  
First of all, it is undoubtedly important for a country to support athletics. Fame is likely to be one of the reasons. For example, I live in Taiwan and know that Taiwan has its own baseball league who goes abroad for baseball games. Meanwhile, attending in these games allows Taiwan to be noticed by other countries. Therefore, good athletic activities is important for a country's fame.  
  
In addition, there must be some people excelling in sport and deserve further support. For example, thanks to the government support of athletics, a female badminton player named Linda became famous in Taiwan because of her excellent playing skills, and finally had the chance to play in the Olympics. Consequently, ample government support can help the sport players reach higher levels and keep practicing hard.  
  
Last but not least, there are differences between audience of the arts and the athletics industry. For example, people who take part in the art activities such as music concerts and painting exhibitions are always above the middle-class while people who have fancy for watching sports game come from all classes. As a result, it is weird if government spends less money in support of athletics.  
  
In conclusion, because of the help that athletics do for a country's fame, people who excelling in sport and deserve government support and the differences between the audience of the arts and the athletics, I am opposed to the opinion that governments should spend more money in support of the arts than in support of the athletics.