dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Question:  
*The chart below shows the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010.  
  
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.*  
  
## The proportion of multilingual students in England

  
  
My writing:  
The pie charts illustrate data on British students being able to speak other languages besides English at one tertiary education over a decade since 2000.  
  
Overall, it is clear that while the percentages of those who can speak Spanish, Another language, and Two other languages increased between 2000 and 2010, the opposite trend was true for those of students speaking French and No other language. Moreover, the group of Spanish speaking students was the largest during the given time period.  
  
Looking at the charts more closely, in 2000, the percentage of students speaking Spanish accounted for a third of the total figure, which subsequently went up by 5% in 2010. Similarly, the proportions of bilingual, and multilingual students experienced a rise of 5% between these two years, from 15% to 20%, and 10% to 15% respectively.  
  
In contrast, the percentage of French-speaking students dropped from one-fifth to 10% between 2000 and 2010. In the meantime, the figure for monolingual students declined by half.  
  
The proportion of German-speaking students remained stable at 10% throughout the decade.  
  
*
@Truc02  
Hello there!  
  
Welcome to the forum. Let me do my best to help you with this writing exercise.  
  
First and foremost, I find that your writing is quite confusing. There are technical aspects that I wish you to take a glance at: structure, composition, grammar, and the flow. Notice how all these facets are intertwined, *especially* because you are working with such detailed content. When writing analytical essays such as this that are fundamentally reliant on the analysis and interpretation of a graph, these all become critical in cultivating the details of your essay.  
  
Observe this revision:  
  
Overall, it is clear that ~~while~~ the ... who ~~can~~ speak Spanish~~, Another language,~~ as another language ~~and Two~~ with two other languages ... 2010~~,~~; the opposite ... French ~~and No other language~~ with no other language. ~~Moreover, the group of~~ Spanish speaking students ~~was~~ were the largest group during the ~~given~~ time period.  
  
You may also want to outline, restructure, and move around the general flow of your content. For instance, the last portions of your essay were kind of sporadic when it came to dissecting the information. You may want to merge altogether those paragraphs to create a smoother appearance and direction for your writing.  
  
Best of luck as always!
## How to deal with youngsters

  
  
Many parents encourage young people to leave home when they become older, while others think they should stay at home with the family. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.  
  
Parents have different views on how to treat youngsters as they grow up. Some think that it is better for them not to live alone, whereas others prefer leaving them to their own devices. Inspite of some disadvantages, I think, parents should let the young people leave home when they get older.  
  
On the one hand, the parents who are against separating have several reasons for it. They believe the young tend to be anxious and impulsive, which can get them to lead an unhealthy lifestyle. In other words, without being supervised, they might end up having bad habits, such as alcoholism and drug addiction. Furthermore, people who start living on their own at young ages may gradually lose the bonds with the family. As a result, they can neglect their parents, when they are in need of care.  
  
On the other hand, there are many parents who actually inspire their children to depart from home and discover the real world. Firstly, it helps the young people gain the efficient coping mechanisms for survival. It means they become more adaptive to new circumstances. Secondly,while living alone, the youngsters can learn how to make decisions independently. For instance, managing the spendings alone will enhance not only their decision-making abilities, but also the sense of responsibility. Finally, being able to deal with such difficulties can boost one's confidence. For example, when I achieve my goals without any support, I feel more self-assured.  
  
In conclusion, although it can sometimes result in bad behaviour, I think, the benefits of living alone from young ages far outweigh the drawbacks.
@solivagant  
Hello there.  
  
First and foremost, try to ensure that the language you are using in your articulation is academic and/or informative at the very best. Doing so will help you incorporate writing techniques that are going to compress your thoughts into smaller chunks, enabling you to articulate more efficiently and effectively. That being said, focus on trimming down excessive words and use more of a straightforward approach when you are writing. Doing this will enable you to establish a firmer tone.  
  
Observe this revision:  
  
Parents have ~~different~~ varying views on how to ~~treat ... grow up~~ adolescent individuals. Some think ~~that~~ it is better ... to their own ~~devices~~. Inspite of ~~some~~ disadvantages,...  
  
Removal of articles is a great technique to help you in this process. Doing so will also assist you in forming smaller chunks of texts.  
  
Try to also find more organic ways to transition between your sentences and paragraphs. I have noticed how you used mainly textbook-type of articulations - whereas you could have used more efficient ways such as a naturalized approach to writing. Doing this will enhance the complexity of your writing, moving away from the typical and conventional forms.  
  
Best of luck in your writing.
## Water consumption Statistics

  
  
**The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
The given graphs illustrate the water usage for several intents in six regions across the world, measured by percent.  
Overall, we can see that in North America and Europe, water is used mainly for industrial purposes. Meanwhile, in the remaining regions including South America, Africa, Central Asia, and South East Asia, the most common use of water is for agriculture.  
  
In developed regions such as North America and Europe, industrial use takes account for about half of the total use. Water used for domestic purposes occupies the smallest proportion, which is no more than 15%, in both areas.  
  
On the other hand, in other agricultural countries, the trend of using water is quite the opposite. Agricultural use takes up a very large majority, with 71% in South America and over 80% in the remaining areas. Only a minority of water is used for industrial use in all four areas. In these regions, the same trend can be observed in the rate of water used for domestic use, which varies from 5% to 12%.
hello there !  
Your writing is great !  
But still there are some mistakes like :  
-in the last paragraph , you said " on the other hand" . If you want to say that, before " on the other hand" there must have some phrases like: "on the one hand"  
  
-you can say "others" instead of "other agricultural countries" to be brief to use for creating mixed variety of structures!  
-Some words that synonyms with " accounted for" may be really useful for you are: made up, occupied  
( By the way , maybe you should post the picture of the on your writing for us to help you much more easy )  
  
*Thank you for reading my feedback!  
  
Hoping this feedback can help you and hope you will achieve your goal !*
@dodquynh  
Hi there!  
  
Next time, it would be beneficial if you could provide the graph alongside your post for us to properly give an assessment of your writing.  
  
That being said, from what I can tell, the structure of your sentences need a little bit of polishing. There were instances wherein commas (and, in general, punctuation usage) were out of place and misused. Because of this reason, the flow of your essay became quite baffling. Know that these small differences can create tremendous impact in the overall dissemination of information and relaying of your information and thoughts.  
  
Being straightforward is also essential when you're working with technical and analytical essays. Remember that your understanding of the direction of the essay is important for you to establish a firmer perspective on the situation. With that taking into account, you should let go of excessive language and focus primarily on the specific data that you wish to relay.  
  
Take a look at this revision:  
  
~~Overall, we~~ We can see that ... Meanwhile, in ~~the remaining regions including~~ South ... Asia~~,~~ and South East Asia, ~~the most ... water is~~ it is for agriculture.  
  
Being blunt about the interpretation will help you establish also a firmer, educational and informative tone rather than a blatant information relay.  
  
Best of luck as always.
## debate over financing the art projects

  
  
*Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead.  
To what extent do you agree with this statement?*  
  
Recently, there has been a debate over whether governments should finance art projects because investment in this field is thought to be not paying off. As a citizen, I strongly disagree with the statement that investment in the arts is just a waste of money.  
  
First of all, arts in general have always been an significantly important part of our lives. Arts are not merely entertainment. They embody the wishes and hopes that we otherwise could not express in any other ways. Music, for example, is scientifically proven to be able to make us feel emotionally better. Furthermore, it is definitely not true that these investments do pay off. Take the US for example. The music industry contributes more than one billion US dollars to the country's economy annually.  
  
What should be discussed is how these projects should be invested and financed. It is definitely not a right decision to build a multi million dollars theatre house. Instead, the money should be spent on the projects such as giving scholarships to students who has got the talent or support cultural arts projects to reserve the culture of a community. Give the fund to where it is needed is a way to promote and better our cultural life.  
  
It is important that governments should understand how a society works. Building schools, hospitals or upgrading other public services always remains the top priority, but they also should not overlook other things such as arts, which can contribute to the cultural well-being of the people.
@nguyenvuong  
Hello there. Let me provide you with feedback on your writing.  
  
Firstly, I recommend that you try to condense your thoughts. I've noticed that you have a tendency to create quite baffling and *"all-over-the-place"* content because of the lack of structure. Enforcing that you follow conventional writing rules will help you integrate your thoughts in a lighter manner, creating a more resilient approach to writing in the long-run. Focus on this the next time that you write.  
  
For example, try a revision similar to this:  
  
..., is scientifically ~~proven to be~~ able to make us ~~feel~~ better emotionally ~~better~~.  
  
Switching around words and playing with the dynamics of your writing will definitely help you.  
  
Take a look at this one:  
  
~~What should be discussed is h~~ How these projects ~~should be invested and~~ are financed should be discussed. It is ~~definitely~~ not a right ... a multi-million dollar~~s~~ theatre house~~.~~ ; ~~I~~ instead, the money ... on ~~the~~  projects ~~such as~~ giving scholarships to students ~~who has got the talent or~~ with talent to support cultural ~~arts~~ projects ~~to reserve ... community~~ for artistic preservation.  
  
Keep these in mind as you are writing. Best of luck as always!
## extinction of some animal species - Should we be concerned?

  
  
**Question:** Many think that we should focus on the extinction of certain animal species, while others think we should pay attention to human's problems. Discuss both sides and give your opinion  
  
**My essay:**  
*There is a heated debate about whether people should be cautious with the shortage of some particular animal species or concentrate on human's issues. This essay will discuss both perspectives and give my own commentary.  
  
On the one hand, putting human's problem to the first priority is undeniable. First and foremost, human, the superior species, can almost create anything. Thus, even there is an extinction of some animals, they could create a new species with higher quality with their developed technology. Secondly, humans have the utmost brain on Earth, which means they can set rules, laws, modernize anything and other aspects such as fashion and games. In other words, they can make the world better when animals can not because they only know to consume.  
  
However, the extinction of some special animal species can cause big trouble for humans. Take developing countries like Vietnam for example, if the buffalos and cows are all extinct, the agriculture will drop dramatically because of lacking tractions. If chickens are also all eliminated, famous fast-food shops like Mac Donald, KFC or BBQ will be bankrupted. Follow that consequences, many employers from all around the world will lose their job and many more problems will occur.  
  
In my view, both standpoints are all equally essential. Nevertheless, they are still based on many complicated aspects. Speaking about morals, making a whenever species completely gone is such an evil, gruesome activity, and the consequences are stated before. However, if the human is in urgent situations such as tsunamis, earthquakes, floods and other catastrophes, then they are more important.  
  
In conclusion, both perspectives all have its pros and seemingly equally crucial. Howerver, one of them will be more significant than the other are all based on that situation.*  
  
290 words count
Hey there,  
First of all, I think your essay is pretty good grammatically. However in the third paragraph you were talking about cows, buffalos and chickens and I personally think that those animals are not really the main focus of this topic. When it comes to the extinction of animals I think we should focus on wild and endangered animals and their impact on biodiversity and stuff. Of course talking about castles is technically fine but since they are raised by human and there are so many of them, it would be quite unrealistic to talk about their distinction.  
  
Hope you find this helpful
@Dang Khoa  
Hi there!  
  
Thanks for being a consistent, active participant in the forum. Let me try my best to provide you with feedback on this essay.  
  
For the most part, I find that your essay is well-written in that you were able to relay the message that you wished to showcase while, at the same time, being able to focus on articulating with a firmer tone that massively took advantage of examples to retell your side of the story. Well done.  
  
I would only recommend that you try to revise your essay in a way that way structure and create a more informative tone. Enforcing this academic language will help you curate a more substantive content in the long-run. Bear this in mind as you are writing.  
  
Observe the following revisions:  
  
On the one hand, ~~putting~~ human's problem ~~to the first priority is undeniable~~ are undeniably to be prioritized. Firstly  ~~and foremost~~, human, ... ~~Thus, e~~ Even if there is ~~an~~ extinction ..., they ~~could~~ can create ~~a new~~ enhanced species ~~with higher quality with their~~ using developed technology. ... rules, laws, and modernize ~~anything and~~ other aspects ... ... world better ~~when~~ whereas animals ~~can not because they~~ only ~~know to~~ consume.  
  
Notice how trimming down your essay will help you create a more straightforward and yet effective way of transmitting your thoughts into text.  
  
Best of luck as always.
## IELTS TASK 1: 'physical activity' bar chart

  
  
*The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.*  
  
The bar chart illustrates the age distribution of Australian people in both genders who did regular physical activity in 2010.  
Overall, women did more excercises than men in all age groups, except for the teenagers. Besides, the boys aged 15-24 and the women aged 45-54 had the highest percentage of total people excercising.  
  
Looking first at the female Australian, there are over 50% of people whose age ranged from 35 to 64 doing physical activity regularly, while the figure for the opposite gender was much lower, at approximately 40% to 45%. The 15 - 24 age group is the only group that the number of males excercising frequently are higher than that for females, with 52,8% and 47,7% respectively.  
  
Regarding the 25-34 age group, the figure for females is higher than that for males, at 48,9% and 42,2% respectively. Women and men aged 65 or older have similar figures or people excercising regularly, around 47% each.  
  
*
@nthao9987  
Hello there. Welcome to the forum. I'll try my best to provide you with feedback on your writing.  
  
First and foremost, try to be cautious of the phrasing of your sentences. Notice how there were instances in your text wherein you were unable to properly relay information as you were caught up with attempting to squeeze all of the data into your text. While it is generally good that you are detailed, there should be matters of prioritization to be established to curate more effective information relaying. This will help you not condense everything into a compact, creating more writing depth with the ample amount of detail. Balance is critical here.  
  
For instance, take a look at this proposed revision:  
  
~~Overall, w~~ Women ~~did more excercises~~ exercised more than men ... for ~~the~~ teenagers. ~~Besides, the b~~ Boys aged 15-24 and ~~the~~ women aged ... of ~~total people excercising~~ exercise.  
  
Simplifying your language will get you a long way when working with these types of content.  
  
Observe this other revision:  
  
~~Regarding~~ In the 25-34 ... than ~~that~~ for males~~,~~ at 48,9% ... ... figures ~~or people excercising regularly,~~ at around 47% each.  
  
Notice how you do not need to constantly mention (and repeatedly) that these figures pertain to exercising. Considering that you have already established this since the beginning of your content, it would be better to keep at it in the long-run.  
  
Best of luck as always!
Topic: Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.  
  
## everyone should contribute to nation education system

  
  
Families have a variety of choices to select their children educational foundation, particularly, private school or public school. This fact results in a debate on reducing taxes for whom choose private schools. In my opinion, i totally disagree with the idea taxes supporting the state education system should not be paid by families sending their children to private schools.  
  
Firstly, in terms of financial status, students in private schools are more fortunate than those in state-funded schools, and education quality is not an exceptional factor. Therefore, it will definitely evoke public's disapproval of weathier families given taxes reduction in economic support for state education. On account that if this policy were passed and put into practice, it would cause a situation that poorer families have to pay higher taxes than the rich.  
  
Apart from that, i think we should feel happy to make contribution to nation education system. With respect to developing countries, although the goverment always put a premium on nurturing young generation, it is still an unsolved problem of budget to provide schools and vocational orientation centers with up-to-date facilities and additional tools for syllabus. Because of this fact, training a productive workforce for country's future needs concerns of all the citizens. We also understand how vital it is to own well-qualified and competent workforce, which is the key of the prosperity of a nation.  
  
In the long run, i do not believe that any financial concession should be made for people who take option for private schools education.  
  
*Hope that i will receive all your helpful feedbacks, and if possible, i would be very pleased that you grade my writing. Thanks a lot.*[/i]
... ~~i~~ I totally ... idea of taxes ...  
  
... evoke the public's disapproval of wealthier families ...  
  
..., ~~i~~ I think ... make a contribution to the national education system. ... the gover**n**ment always put ... tools for a syllabus. ... to own a well-qualified ... the key ~~of~~  to the prosperity of a nation.  
  
... ~~i~~  I do not ... who take an option ...
@tiffanyvietnam  
Hi there, Tiffany!  
  
Welcome to the forum. I'll provide you with substantive feedback on your essay, hoping that it would help you in the long-run to nurture your writing skills.  
  
Let's take a look at your essay.  
  
Firstly, I find that the structure of your sentences should be simplified. Given that you are given such a small amount of space to work with, it would be better if you could substantiate your essay through incorporating more techniques that will help you trim down the unnecessary and irrelevant portions. Try to organize your content in this light also. Having full grasp of a directed and formed manner is essential to writing efficiently and effectively.  
  
For instance, take a look at this revision:  
  
Firstly, ~~in terms of financial status,~~ students in ... state-funded schools~~, and education ... factor~~. The disparities are due to gaps in educational quality. Therefore, it will ~~definitely~~ evoke ~~public's~~ disapproval of wealthier families ~~given taxes ... support~~ should there be reduced taxes for state education. ~~On account that i~~ If this policy ~~were~~ was passed and ~~put into~~ practiced, ~~it would ... that~~ poorer families ... than ~~the~~ richer ones.  
  
In terms of content, I find that the depth of your essay needs more work. You had numerous underdeveloped thoughts spread throughout. It would be better if you could cut down and tailor-fit your content more. For instance, your last paragraph needs more work to be considered as a concluding remark for the essay. Try providing an integrated analysis rather than making a generalized sentiment on the topic.  
  
Best of luck as always!