dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## commuting by bicycle

  
  
many people believe that using a bicycle as the main transport have a lot of benefits. yet, any people thing are biking bicycle also have disbenefits. the issue many countries in the world think using a bicycle has a lot of effects to healthy as well as reducing air pollution and also some countries think of bike by bicycle no efficient in this opinion both groups have his reasons.  
  
firstly, a lot of developing countries in the world infuses campaign to biking bicycle in a city. this is make decreased air pollution which makes a negative impact on the environment and also it is not good for the body because a human would be breath on the outside but cause inhaling pollution raise getting sick such as lung cancer and others. in addition the general transportation can be also increasing traffic jump because of many cars on the street not good for transportation to make waste of time. these are making many countries make the campaign to using a bicycle in a city.  
  
secondly, however, develop country have statement biking cycle not enough to decreasing pollution and make spend of time because they opinion electric car better than a bicycle and they believe that driving an electric car can be decreasing pollution and can spend time than a bicycle.  
  
in conclusion, in era modern, a lot of research has a statement about bicycle such as advantages and disadvantages and then this issue having the twice different statement.
**First and foremost, make sure that the fundamental capitalization rules are followed because this can affect how formal your essay is perceived.** I would also say to watch out for your adverb usage because misuse of this can affect the quality of your work. These are two primary concerns that I have regarding the technical or grammatical portions of your text.  
  
**To take things further, I would also recommend that you look into a better transition method for your text.**Your essay is quite fluid on its own. However, there were instances wherein the complexity of your language had interfered with the overall structure of the text itself. **Simplifying your language and the structure can go a long way.**  
  
*For instance, I would revise the second sentence of your second paragraph as:  
This assists in the decrease of air pollution that has a negative impact in the environment. In addition, unhealthy air can cause damage to the human body with sicknesses such as lung cancer and other related diseases.*  
  
If you are able to make your sentences more concise, you can be ensured that your essay becomes more comprehensible for the readers. I would recommend that you stick to this simplified version at all costs, especially when you are still learning the language.  
  
*Cut down your third paragraph into three different sentences. Afterwards, you should add a concluding sentence. Doing this would make the structure of this portion firmer in its discussion of the topic.*  
  
*I would also recommend revising the conclusion because it is quite vague*. It would help if you have a reflection on this portion. Perhaps you can even add an anecdote to help your essay become more personalized.  
  
Best of luck.
Please feel free to give any comment. Thanks in advance.  
  
## ***REASONS FOR THE NEGATIVE DEVELOPMENT OF MANY SHOPPING MALLS DESIGNED FOR THE YOUNG***

  
  
**Topic:  
Many shopping centres and malls are designed to attract young people to spend time there. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?**  
  
Answer:  
  
The development of many shopping centres and malls designed to attract the young enabling them to spend time there, even more time, has come up for a number of reasons. Personally, I believe the two main reasons for this are improving competitiveness and being more lucrative, and also this should be a negative change.  
  
Firstly, the owners of shopping malls design their shopping malls to attract young people in order to not only maintain but also improve competitiveness. Since doing online shopping anytime and anywhere with an Internet connection is much convenient than shopping in a brick-and-mortar shopping centre, in other words, online shops put shopping malls at a disadvantage. Secondly, the shopping centre holders design their shopping centres to appeal to the younger generation to spend time there so that the shopping centres may be more profitable. Because the more time young people spend there, the more likely they are to spend money. Therefore, enhancing competitiveness and being more profitable are the two main reasons for doing so.  
  
Moreover, as the development of many shopping centres targeting the young means the development of few shopping malls intended for middle-aged people or the elderly. With these developments, shopping centres will attract more young consumers and lose other consumers such as older people at the same time. It is crystal clear that these developments are not positive for people of all ages. Thus, I am of the opinion that many shopping malls designed for young customers should be a bad development.  
  
To sum up, there are two major reasons for the fact that many shopping malls are designed to be attractive to younger people to spend time there, including enhancing competitiveness and making more profits. Also, this development, in my opinion, is negative in that it is not beneficial to people of different ages.
@goodorfood  
I would suggest removing phrases which do not provide additional substance to your essay.  
*For instance, I would have shortened and paraphrased your first sentence as:  
The development of shopping centres and malls designed to attract the youth enabled them to spend more time.*  
You could omit mentioning that there are main reasons to it because your following sentence already mentioned it.  
Furthermore, I would also recommend adding a more specific context or example to your essay. This will help the readers fully understand what you mean.  
  
If you can, you may also briefly mention the negative reasons as to why people should not be engaged into this. Mention the pessimistic perspective to balance out your narrative.  
  
Be concise to make this more substantial as much as possible.  
Best of luck.
*Topic: in a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport.  
  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.*  
  
## money for rail systems or public transport?

  
  
The question of which infrastructure projects to need spending money on is difficult for governments to solve. While others support building new railways for high speed trains, I would concur with the idea of upgrading existing public transit systems.  
  
The main reason for this is to encourage more people to use it, thereby reducing environmental pollution which is caused by private vehicles. It is obvious that public transit systems which have been built and operated for a long time will be deteriorated if they are not upgraded and fixed on a regular basis, making people find it unsafe and insecure to use. As a consequence, this can decrease the number of users and increase the number of private vehicles on the roads at the same time and therefore give rise to many terrible problems such as traffic congestion and air pollution. Nevertheless, if money is allocated on improving public transport, these aforementioned problems would be addressed.  
  
Of course, advocates for spending money building new railroads for express trains between cities may argue that it can relieve population pressures on metropolises and then also indirectly minimize environmental problems. They say, with some merit, that high speed trains can save users much time for travel between cities, meaning those who work far from their homes do not need to stay in there, but they can go homes quickly. This not only enables them to save money for accommodation but also prevent these large cities from the increase in population due to the migration of people from smaller cities and rural areas to work, and thanks to this, serious issues such as roads congestion and air contamination would be tackled considerably as well.  
  
Although doing this to some extent, the cost involved in constructing the high speed rail systems is uneconomical. In order to do this, governments have to invest large nation budget in buying a massive number of new building materials and paying for construction companies, not to mention long construction time. Meanwhile, upgrading and enhancing public transport which have existed would cost less and be easier to implement.
Your essay has a generally appealing structure on its own. The readers would certainly appreciate the way that you compose your narrative, However, I do have a couple of key suggestions for you.  
  
I would recommend that you include a brief summation in the introduction as to why this is your stance in the essay. It doesn't have to be long and dragging - you only need to start discussing the fundamental reason why. This can strengthen your introductory lines.  
  
Furthermore, I also suggest that you shorten your sentences. You should try to be more straightforward and concise. Doing this can improve the flow of your essay because it'll be more comprehensible for the readers themselves.  
  
Lastly, I would also look into a different ending to your concluding or last paragraph. I would opt to transition more into discussing your personal opinion regarding the usage of improvement of public transportation. Perhaps you can end it with an anecdote.
**Topic: in a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport.  
  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.  
Since I am very interesting in this topic, it would grateful if you can assess my grade in the formal ielts exam. Appreciated!~**  
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It is often considered that spending the great amount of expenditures in constructing inter-city high speed rail would be an effective way to improve the public transportation system, while others argued that it would not be a viable solution without the comprehensive local public railway system. This essay would discuss the effectiveness and overall advantages in both views along with my opinions.  
  
Firstly, it is undeniable that express rail has became a trend for connecting cites and countries. In order to well prepare for opportunities brought from globalization, construction of high-speed rail is indispensable. Industries, such as tourism, trading and logistics would be definitely benefited from the development of inter-cities and inter-countries railway systems. Furthermore, the pollution problems associated with transports could be improved due to reduction in driving private vehicles. One particularly salient example is that the air pollution problems in China have been drastically improved after launching the high speed rail among the metropolises. Thus, it is obvious why express rail would become considerably popular in many countries.  
  
On the other hand, upgrading the existing transit rails could utilize the performance of local transportation system. Bangkok is a case in point. The local Metro company has invested great amount of expenditures in improving the reliability and availability of public railway system in order to relieve the traffic congestion at peak hours. The passengers' satisfaction and experience were enhanced rapidly, while problems of air pollution and green house gas emission could also be undermined.  
  
By way of conclusion, it is considered that particular merits in both constructing high speed rail and upgrading existing transit rail are valuable for economic, social and environmental aspects, while I personally believe that the international network is more important for countries' development, especially under the era of globalization. The priority of expending high-speed railway network shall be higher, thereby taking the overall advantages from global business and cooperation.
@tcl1120  
Great start for your essay!*I do still have a couple of key recommendations to better your structure and flow.*  
In your first paragraph, I would rather that you slice your first sentence into two separate points. By doing this, you can be more straightforward with your language. **This is an especially important trait in IELTS because you are working with word counts.**  
  
**Avoid being redundant as well with your usage of language.**While it is commendable how comprehensive and formal your wordings are, you should opt to have**a more direct approach**to your essay considering the nature of this test.  
  
*In line with this, I could revise the second to the last sentence of your second paragraph as:  
One salient example is China's improvement in managing its air pollution after launching the high speed rail.*  
Simply toy with the words.**Move them around until you have optimized the space that you have**. Another good example for this can be seen through your last paragraph. Instead of saying*by way of conclusion*, simply say*in conclusion*. These small changes can contribute a lot to transforming the entirety of your essay.  
  
*Follow these guidelines throughout your essay. You're doing great. Best of luck!*
## Topic: plant and animal

  
  
The line chart and bar chart provide statistical information on the amount of died out flora and fauna in tropical forests, per million species, in a period of more than 100 years and factors putting plant life in jeopardy. Generally speaking, human is the biggest contributor posing a threat to vegetation.  
  
More specifically, starting at only under 5000 at the beginning of the period, extinct species experience a dramatic rise till 2060 when the figures are expected to peak at 50000 which is as much as 10 times higher than in 2000. The amount of extinctions falls steadily throughout the remaining period and seems set to continue. Agriculture has the most serious repercussion on plant life with the percentage of 18,7% which balances with the combination of natural disasters and other natural events( respectively at 7% and 11,7%). Plantations and invasive species each account for approximately 5%. This is almost 3 times lower than the second largest category: harvesting( about 14,4%) and half of the proportion of development( over 10%).  
  
(173 words)  
  
* 
*
**I would switch your first two sentences**. In the process of doing so, you could briefly expound and touch on the idea of human beings being a contributor to the threats to vegetation. Afterwards, you can proceed to mentioning the statistical information present in the graph and the chart. **This would make your essay follow a more deductive method of content that is easier to comprehend for the readers.**  
  
**Furthermore, be as straightforward as much as possible.** Try avoid using words that lengthen the sentence (articles, modifiers that are redundant, out of place preposition, etc.). By doing this, you are able to curate text that is more academic.  
  
*For instance, I would suggest that you look into revising your second paragraph's first sentence as:  
In the beginning, the number of extinct plant and animal species was only under 5 000. This is predicted to experience a dramatic rise until 2060 with figures expecting to peak 10 times higher than the base year.*  
  
By inserting terms *(ie. base year)* and omitting adjectives that do not contribute to the text itself, you are able to make a much more concise structure for your essay. **Furthermore, I would also suggest that to avoid being repetitive with your usage of words.** If you feel as though you can opt to change your phrasing, then feel free to do so.  
  
**Watch out for your usage of parenthesis as well.** I noticed that you had utilized this method to describe your figures. Simply eliminate these and be straightforward with introducing your numbers. There's no need to add a parenthesis.  
  
Best of luck.
**Caring for children is probably the most important job in any society. Because of this, all mothers and fathers should be required to take a course that prepares them to be good parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?**  
  
## childcare training course for mother and father

  
  
With the influence of low fertility rate, the roles and responsibilities of parents are becoming more important. It is considered that all parents shall attend the mandatory training courses on learning how to nurture their children. I personally agree that understanding the skills and methods of childcare are essential for new parents, however, it would not be possible and practical to impose the compulsory baby caring training course to all parents.  
  
Firstly, parents are encouraged to give birth in order to enhance the fertility rate among the society. The implementation of obligatory childcare training before giving birth would undermine their interest, and consequently deterrent those potential parents from giving birth. The mandatory courses would definitely result in negative effect on boosting the fertility rate.  
  
Secondly, the practical implementation would be considerably difficult due to the great number of new parents every year. China is a case in point. Due to the enormous amount of population, it would be practical to register the competency of all new parents. Thus, it is obvious why imposing mandatory childcare training course would not be considered as an effective way to improve the skills and knowledge of baby caring.  
  
Perhaps, government's involvement is indispensible on providing adequate coaching and supports to those new parents. By launching some educational films and videos, the knowledge and skills of childcare could be promoted and delivered to all new parents, while those online platforms could also be the communication channels between those new parents for information exchange.  
  
By hammering the final nail, launching the obligatory childcare training course would not be practical and possible due to its limited effectiveness, while promoting the fundamental knowledge and skills of baby care by online videos or educational films would be comparatively appropriate.
@tcl1120  
**I would opt for a different transition in between sentences and paragraphs.**Your current method is sufficient. However, it would be appreciated if you could have a more organic approach to moving from one point to another. This can ensure that the essay is structured to be fluid.  
  
*For instance, I would change the last sentence of your first paragraph as:  
While I agree that skills and methods for childcare are essential, it is impossible and impractical to impose the training to all new parents.*  
*To maximize your space, use **impossible** and **impractical** instead of not possible and practical because it's the formal usage of the words.*I would also suggest moving around your phrasing as to not be repetitive. For example what I had accomplished was only use parents once in the span of one sentence.  
  
In your fourth paragraph, change your opening line because perhaps is an unacceptable method of introduction. Considering the magnitude of options, you can opt to omit that and **instead go straight to the point.**  
  
**I would also recommend changing your introduction in the concluding paragraph.** While usage of creative language is alright, it is better to opt for a formal articulation than it as to keep the academic standard of the essay itself.  
  
Best of luck.
## higher proportion of young adults in a society

  
  
*At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.  
  
Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?*  
  
With the advancement of modern society, the proportion of young adults is considerably higher than elderly. It is considered by some that this widespread phenomenon could constitute a positive impact to the society in terms of economic and production growth. I personally believe that the overall merits of higher population of young adults far outweigh its drawbacks. The reasons are as twofold.  
  
From social development point of view, it is undeniable that young adults could contribute the great deal of production and motivation for economic growth. Hong Kong is a case in point. The working population of young adults is reaching to the highest at 53% among the community. The short term economic stimulation is definitely constructive for social development. Also, this phenomenon could alleviate the financial burden in term of elder caring. Thus, it is obvious why young immigrants are popular for country development.  
  
From individual point of view, the atmosphere of living style and working culture could also be enhanced. Youngsters are dynamic and energetic, who enjoy adventure and creation. As a result, the working efficiency and effectiveness could be enhanced by their unique and special personalities and characteristics. One particularly salient example is that many innovation companies would launch their headquarters at prominent city with overwhelming population of young adults. It could benefit to the technology and innovation sectors' development.  
  
By hammering the final nail, i once again reaffirm my statement that the higher proportion of young adults is benefited to the society development in terms of economic, technology and individual development. The overall merits of such widespread phenomenon outweigh its drawbacks.
@tcl1120  
  
Hi there. Let me have a few words on this.  
  
Next time, separate the questions and your answers. Add a line before the answer to divide it or do it in any way you want to do. Don't just write the questions in italic.  
  
Paragraph 3  
1. Youngsters are dynamic and energetic PEOPLE who enjoy.../ ... and energetic. They enjoy...  
  
Paragraph 4  
The wording in this paragraph sounds repetitive. Try to find better ways to reword it.
@tcl1120  
**I would opt for a better introduction for your paragraphs.** It is quite repetitive to continuously mention*"from the [...] point of view"* because you had utilized this twice already.**Instead, I would recommend that you look into a more straightforward and direct to the point approach**. If you do this, you can help make your sentences and phrases more concise.**This will truly help readers digest your writing easier.**  
  
I like how you used **more concrete data**into your second paragraph. **You should incorporate the same technique to your third paragraph.**In here, you used the example of innovative companies. Instead of being general here, I would recommend you would have a specific case as an example. This can improve your essay's substance.  
  
Like the previous comments I've had, I also recommend that you look into a different opening line for your conclusion. Use more formal language than creative because this will make your essay more academically appropriate.  
  
Once you mention how there are merits that outweigh the drawbacks, you also briefly mention what are these to not confuse the readers.  
Best of luck.