dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Basuki "Ahok" Tjahaja Purnama as inactive Jakarta Governor since followed campaign for the election in 2017 got a rejection from several people in South Jakarta so that experienced disruption of society. A spokesman said this action certainly was influenced by parties to propaganda people for rejecting, even tend to drive out Ahok because the local people never conducted this violence previously.  
  
On 2nd November, Ahok was stopping the campaign in Rawa Belong, West Jakarta since society chaos and try to repel him so that safety by security personnel. Nevertheless, one of the securities got injured as hardness in that place. Then, once time saw rejected when visited Kedoya, West Jakarta. Consequently, team success of Ahok had reported this situation to the Jakarta Elections Supervisory Agency and the police. This complaint will be processed as soon as possible and also involve the police to investigate this accident said the agency. In addition, not only Ahok can report about violence in the field but also other candidates since they had right.  
  
thejakartapost
*let me give several advice, perhaps useful for you.  
Just consider your flow writing in your essay.*  
  
THEREBY, IT BY FAR experienced disruption of society.  
..., even tendED to drive out Ahok because ...  
  
SURPRISINGLY, On 2nd November, Ahok was (...) since society WAS chaos and ~~try~~TRIED to repel him ~~so that~~THUS, IT IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT TO BE safety by security personnel.
The birds is one of carnivore animal in the world, which is hunting a fish as daily food for live. Birds make one of body part, called their noses, to catch many fishes in rivers, ocean, or lakes. Another function of their noses is dangerous sense. But now, pile of plastic in the sea especially is cause apprehensive problem for the environment and sea birds mainly.  
  
The amount of plastic in the sea is more than 5 trillion pieces floating around world's seas. It can offend the way of food chain. Another negative impact of this pollution is resulting sulphure compound which it can threatent many marine plants and animals, such as algae, crustaceans, and seabirds also. To evidence this hypothes, the researchers is using 13.350 birds in 55 experiment. The result is sulphure compound from plastic make the seabirds sniff out to search for food quickly. Because the smell of plastic same like a food for the seabirds.  
  
Finally plastic in the ocean make negative aspect for the environment, then also it can make the seabirds is using the sight and the scent to eating trash as their food normally.  
  
Source : newscientist
Hi! I have some feedback for you!  
  
The birds is one of carnivore animal in the world, which is ...  
  
As you mentioned sea bird in the next of your sentence, so it will be better if you start your first sentence with the same word since this article is talking about the bird living near the sea, not the usual species of bird. So it should be  
  
The sea birds...  
  
Birds make one of body part, called their noses, to catch many fishes in rivers, ocean, or lakes. should be  
  
... body part, called noses/ peak (you can use both), to catch their ...  
  
Another function of their noses is dangerous sense. should be  
... of their peak is to sense the danger.
~~The~~ bird~~s~~ is one of carnivore animals in the world,[dependent relative clause does not separate by punctuation] which ~~is hunting~~hunts~~a~~ fish as daily food for ~~live~~living/surviving. . *Birds make one of body part, called their noses, to catch many fishes in rivers, ocean, or lakes.*[no problem in singular/plural issue, but from function and structure this not understandable] Another function of their noses is *dangerous sense.*  
  
... in the sea especially ~~is~~ causeS apprehensive problem ...  
**NEED TO CONCERN ON SINGULAR PLURAL ISSUE AT FIRST. REVISE YOUR WRITING SINCE THE SAME PROBLEM IS FOUND ON THE REST OF THAT, THEN PAY ATTENTION ALSO ON THE FUNCTION OF EACH OF YOUR SENTENCES**  
  
*The amount of plastic in the sea is more than 5 trillion pieces floating around world's seas . I...... the ~~researchers is~~ using .....  
... compound from plastic ~~make~~ the seabirds sniff out to ...  
Finally plastic in the ocean ~~make~~ negative aspect for (...) make the ~~seabirds is~~ using the sight and ...*
hi, these are my thought towards your summary  
  
~~The~~ bird~~s~~ is one of carnivore animals in the world, which ~~is hunting~~hunts~~a~~ fish as daily food for ~~live~~living . Birds make one of *their* body part, called their ...  
  
... their noses is to sense dangerous thing .  
... especially is causes apprehensive problem for ...  
  
... compound which it can ~~threatent~~threaten many marine plants ...  
To evidence this ~~hypothes~~hypotheses , the researchers (...) in 55 experiments .  
... of plastic same ~~like~~as a food for the seabirds.  
  
Finally plastic in the ocean ~~make~~gives negative aspect (...) make the seabirds ~~is using~~use the sight and the scent...  
  
thanks and good luck
Hi Yurike,  
Here some advice for your writing  
  
You can use article "the" to something that we know that is being discussed. So, in my opinion, in first sentence is not appropriate to use article the.  
  
~~The~~ birds is one of carnivore animalS in the world, which ~~is hunting~~hunt a fish as daily food for ~~live.~~life .  
  
The birds make one ...  
... noses is TO GIVE SIGN ABOUT dangerous sense.  
  
... in the sea especially ~~is~~ cause apprehensive problem ...  
  
... make the seabirds i~~s using~~use the sight and ...  
  
KEEP WRITING :)
As a person who loved car, Sebastian Thurn, the director of Stanford Al Lab, decided to dedicate his life to save one million people every year after he lost his best friend, Harold, in a car accident when he turn 18. In his presentation, he told about self-driving cars. He saw the concept for the first time in the DARPA Grand Challenges where the US government would give a price to someone who can build a self-driving car which could navigate a desert. He started to build his self-driving car by building hardware and software in Stanford and focused on building driving cars that can drive anywhere. Their car has sensors by which the car magically can see everything around them and make decisions about every aspect of driving. Even though Sebastian cannot bring his friend back to life, but he can do something for all people who died and save the others.
Here some advice for your writing.  
  
As a person who loved car, Sebastian Thurn, the director ...  
  
Actually, this is too long sentence.  
let me help you to fix this.  
  
*... save one million people every year. The reason why he took this way into account is that he lost his best friends due to a car accident, at 18.*  
  
~~[Their~~His(in fact, you did not mention anything that refers to a group of people before) car has sensors by which ...  
... back to life, ~~but~~ he can do something for ... (conjunction issue)
Jedidah Isler, observational astrophysicist, told TED users about our wonderful universe. She said that everything we can see in galaxy comprised of billions of stars. She studied some most of the exotic objects in our galaxy. Supermassive, hyperactive black hole which had 10 billion times larger than the mass of the sun had captivated her. These gigantic black hole are also devouring material 1000 times larger than human average 'black hole'. These characteristics make them quasars and at the same time they produce particle streams namely jets that are moving at 99.99 percent of speed of light pointed directly at the earth. All of these called blazing quasars and become the universe's most efficient particle accelerators transporting incredible amount of energy throughout a galaxy. She was then curious about how the white blobs form and the relationship between the jet and the accretion disc material. She compared variations between gamma ray data and visible light data from year to year. The research shows that the blobs form much closer to the black hole.  
  
source : ted.com/talks/jedidah\_isler\_how\_i\_fell\_in\_love\_with\_quasars\_blazars\_and\_our\_incredible\_universe
Hi Nurul  
Your writing is great but there are some correction that I think will make it better.  
  
Jedidah Isler, AN observational astrophysicist,...  
She studied ~~some most of the~~MOSTLY exotic objects in our galaxy. Supermassive AND , hyperactive black hole ...  
These gigantic black holeS are also devouring ...  
~~These characteristics make them quasars and at the same time they produce ...~~  
*By the time, these characteristics make them quasars and they produced particle streams. It was by far namely jets that are moving at 99,99 percent of speed of light pointed directly on the earth.*
Hallo guys.. please help me to correct and give suggestion about my conclusion of writing task 2. I really need your explanation especially about subject verb agreement or the paraphrasing word that appropiate. Thank you so much before.  
  
**Modern children are suffering from the disease that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered?**  
  
To sum up, it is believed bad habit of children often eat junk food and less exercise are the main problems which cause obesity. Parents should take an action to pay attention on meal nutrition which is consumed by children. They also must force their child to keep fit with doing sports routines.  
  
**In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
All in all, Working in early age will lead children to have precious experience. However, I believe it unsuitble for them because they should have childhood with fun and concentrate on their study.  
  
**Some schools are very strict about their school uniforms and the appearance of their pupils while other schools have a very relaxed dress code.  
What are the advantages and disadvantages of children of having a school uniform?**  
  
In conclude, the advantages of using uniform at school are students will have identity and it makes them more safe. There is no difference on their status between reach and poor students. However, the drawbacks of this code are they cannot show their characters with their clothing and the cloth of uniform makes student uncomfortable.  
  
**An increasing number of people are buying what they need online. What are the advantages and disadvantages for both individuals and companies of shopping online?**  
  
To sum up, the advantages of shopping online are indirect activities for communication and payment thus it safes the time. This transaction also easy to conduct without limited by place and time. While, the drawbacks are the risk of fraud between buyer and the owner of online shop and fatigue because they have to look on gadget regularly.  
  
**In many parts of the world, people are choosing to have fewer children. Why do you think this is happening? What impacts may it have on society?**  
  
To sum up, highly needs for meal, health and school completely for the children lead people more likely to have not many children. The result of it on civilization, inhabitants will be more selfish because they do not learn about togetherness and less of human resources.
Hi Beauty17, let me give several notes, perhaps useful for you.  
1.To sum up, it is believed that bad habit of children who often eat junk food ... ---> you have a problem in making complex sentences. you have 4 verbs but only have 1 connector, so you need to add other 2 connectors because there is 4 verbs, you need 3 connectors.  
  
2.unsuitble---> unsuitable ( miss spelling word)  
3.In conclude, the advantages of using uniform at school are students will have identity and it makes them more safe. There is no difference on their status ...---> In conclude, using a uniform at school makes student more noticeable and safe.
Hi, these are my thought towards your conclusion  
  
To sum up, it is believed that bad habit of children who often eat junk food ( children often eating junk food) and less exercise are ...  
  
... action to pay attention ~~on~~to meal nutrition which ...  
... their child to keep fit ~~with~~by doing sports routines.  
  
However, I believe it ~~unsuitble~~unsuitable for them because they should have ~~childhood with fun~~fun childhood and concentrate on their study.  
  
... with their clothing and the ~~cloth of~~ uniform makes student uncomfortable.  
  
i hope it helpful , thanks and good luck
**Why I read a book a day?**  
  
Mentor or role model can change our life. Everyone can be your mentor.  
  
Hollywood is the land of dreams, for some people, Hollywood is a broken dreams, they back to their hometown with empty hands. Every year 100.000 people move to Hollywood because many people success, they want to become actors, movie makers, singers, comedians. What does the different or specialize from the compare to others?  
  
Picasso said " good artist will copy but great artist will steal it"  
  
In the world, there is the law that called the law of 33%. The first 33% is 33% persons in bottom you, so you can be their mentor. The second 33% persons at yours, they can be your friends, and the last 33% persons above you, they are 10 or 20 years ahead from you, so they can be your mentor.  
  
Everyone can be good but not everyone can be humble. Everyone wants a good life but not everyone willing to though enough to get a good life.
A mentor or a role model can change our life. Everyone can be your mentor.  
  
..., for some people, AND Hollywood is a broken dreams, (NO COMMA HERE).  
... people move to Hollywood ~~because~~DUE TO many people success ,...  
  
*You write the title " why I read a book day" actually, in your essay. You did not mention any reason that make a connection with the tittle. Unfortunately, I did not help you further since I also did not get what you mean in another paragraph.*  
  
Keep spirit Meryani :)!
Hi meryani, these are my thought towards your summary  
  
the mentor or role model can ...  
  
Every year 100~~.~~, 000 people move (...) many people are success, they want (...), singers, and comedians.  
  
In the world, there is the law ~~that~~ called the law of 33%.  
The second 33% ~~persons~~people at yours, they can ...  
  
in your summary, i cannot found the summary of the topic 'why i read a book a day?' there is no answer written in your summary. i think it just an opening speech.
Teaching to the student about making creativity product with a low budget. It was inspired when visited cosplay event and using daily routines materials such as a light-up crown and skirt. After that, try to conduct a flappy bird game into a box to attract the curiosity of children. It was better than playing a game in the smartphone, even when it was perpetuated in the youtube and directly got more than a million viewers in a few days. It can teach about it to children or maybe people attracted about engineering. Surprisingly, pupils were not only made this product but also played it into finish. Furthermore, children made a robot using standard technology kit such a piece of paper for decorating robot. Besides, they can start with paper and fabric as main materials so that it means the cost was very cheap since can find it in the house. Although they had been a skill to build a robot, another shape can create by themselves based on what they want. As a result, it will create a creative project in the future as using their brain to critical thinking about that. There were three approaches, firstly, having a low floor, it means you can get the materials so easily and get a simple product. Consequently, people can complete this project for under a dollar. Secondly, having a high ceiling. it means people had unlimited space to improve their creativity and feeling challenging. The last, the customization. Society can modify their project into what they want using paper and fabric. Finally, the citizen can make their own project.
hi ryan31, these are my thought towards your summary  
  
[it would be better if you write opening sentence]  
Teaching ~~to~~ the student about making ~~creativity~~creative product with a low budget.  
[ i think this sentence is not complete yet ]  
**It** can teach about **it** to children or maybe people who attracted ~~about~~in engineering.  
[this sentence makes me confuse]  
  
ryan, i cannot understand some sentences because too much "it" in your sentences.  
it would be better if you write who is the presenter in order to make it more clear.  
  
i hope it will help, thanks and good luck
**Modern technology has made it easier for individuals to download copyrighted music and books from the internet for no charge.  
To what extent is this a positive or a negative development?**  
  
It is true that the internet has made it easier to access to copyrighted music and publications for free. In my opinion, this trend has had positive consequences for both individuals and producers.  
  
On an individual level, the availability of free-of-charge music and books has made a great impact on the society. People today have become more connected with various kind of music. In the past, people used to buy only their favourite music owing to the high prices of cassettes and CDs; whereas today anyone can simply download all latest albums once they are released, without paying any money. As a result, people are encouraged to try as much music as they want.
Hello, I'll give you some suggestion  
  
*Firstly, this is IELTS Writing Task 2, so you should write down your essay more than 250 words.*  
  
It is true that the internet has made it easier [...] consequences for both individuals and producers.  
*You paraphrase the question successfully, but you did not have strong argument in regard to task response. You can give your idea directly after you state your 'positive consequences'.*  
  
Body 1:  
On an individual level, the availability of free-of-charge [...] encouraged to try as much music as they want.  
*Furthermore, you have well-develop idea with give an example and result. I recommend you to give brief conclusion to clear your statement*  
  
Body 2:  
*Give another idea*  
  
Conclusion:  
*It is important to give conclusion in your essay due to boost your score. You should rerwite your idea, also it will be good if there is a suggestion from you*
Hi, let me give some advice for you, perhaps useful for you.  
1. for IELTS writing task 2, you have to write at least 250 words.( your essay no more than 200)  
2. you should add another a body/second paragraph to explain more about the disadvantage. Although the question is to what extent is this a positive or a negative development, but i suggest you explain about both of them.  
  
3. After you added new second paragraph, you should make a main idea, supporting sentence and an example to complete the paragraph.  
4. do not forget insert a conclusion to make clear what view you are. It can hone your score.  
Keep writing and break a leg.
Hi, these are my thought towards your essay  
  
1. the most crucial part of IETLS Task 2 is you should write **at least 250 words**.  
2. you should try to arrange you essay and include these : **Introduction, Body 1, Body 2, and conclusion**  
3. In my opinion, this trend has ~~had~~ positive consequences for ...  
4. released, without paying any money  
[in my opinion it would be better if you write ' without purchasing it']  
keep writing and good uck
~~It is true that the internet has [...] consequences for both individuals and producers.~~  
  
Hi Mohammed, let me help you to fix this.  
First of all, you paraphrase the questions. But, please, to painstakingly choose the appropriate word  
Consequence, it means something bad happend. In fact, the question is development.  
  
I try to make my own thought, so I hope it can help you.  
  
*In this day and age, the internat can be accessed in 24/7. This attracts people to download legally a vast range of books and music for free. While this notion can exert adverse condition, I would argue that it overwhelmingly brings tremendous improvements*
A breakdown of information of the percentage of people over the age of 60 in three different developed countries, a period of 100 years, started in 1940 is shown in the line chart. Overall, it is important to bear in mind that all of the figures tended to rocket over the period. In any case, the figures for the Japan broke the record as the highest one in the last year.  
  
Initially, there was a significant increase in the number of aging people in USA and Sweden, roughly 9 and 7 percent respectively. Both of figures then overtook each other in 1980's. Following many minor fluctuation, the number of Sweden elderly people will increase by 28 percent in 2040, with becoming the second highest as such.  
  
Between 1940's and 1980's, Japan was the least proportion elderly people. But, it then will increase until it will overtake the proportion for Sweden and USA in 2020's. it will finish at the greatest level in the last year.  
  
*
Hi ,what a good summary, let me give several advice, perhaps useful for you.  
1. ~~But~~ , it then will increase until ... ----> you cannot put But in the beginning of the sentence. Better if you change by However or Yet.  
  
2. To make your summary more attractive, i suggest you to use a minority to change "7 and 9 percent" and "almost three-ten" to change 28 percent.  
  
3. with becoming the second highest ~~as such.~~  
4. Japan was the least proportion of elderly people.
Fawn Qiu starts her idea by problems faced in her daily experiences. Taking back 'Fluppy Bird' games by app store and going to an event but nothing to be worn inspire her to create a physical Fluppy Bird games in a box and design a unique costum as well. Considering about the people's responses to the 'real' game, Qiu then comes up with the idea to teach primary and secondary students about engineering through creative projects. By utilizing paper and fabric - everyday materials - to replace costing tools in school, she changes the perception of technology as affordable and easy to be found.  
  
Then, it results massive interest of students to make their own plays through those materials as they are eager to play their own games. Hence, through this creative project, in introduces new kind of technology and educating societies about engineering in other way. Later, three excellent points are brought out regarding this project; low floor, high ceiling and customization.
Mujaddidah, the most important thing that you have to know when it comes to writing summaries is that you need to get the spelling right when indicating important data within the essay. In this case, you misspelled the word "Flappy Bird" which is the game that is indicated in the original video. If you had bothered to refer to the transcript to double check your information, you would have realized that you spelled the word as "Fluppy" which is not the same word as "Flappy". When you make a mistake with any part of the information, even if it is something as simple as the name of a game, the overall veracity of the essay is affected. There now exists a flaw in your essay which will make the reader question the validity of your report.  
  
Aside from that, you neglected to mention the activity that pushed Fawn to become creative in her teaching classes. The fact that the students were bored or intimated by the original building kits is an important part of the report. That portion explains how the author came to conclusion that changes in the teaching method was badly required.  
  
Finally, you should have defined the meaning of low floor, high ceiling, and customization means to the author and the learner. Keep in mind that in a summary, explanations are vital to the understanding of the reader. In this case, you failed to give meaning to the words so the reader has no idea about the relevance of these terms in the summary.