dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The essay has been a mostly confusing read for the most part. The English sentences qualify as incoherent for more than half the essay due to problematic thought presentations. It appears that the writer cannot develop and present a sound English sentence or paragraph due to a lack of vocabulary knowledge and writing control. Perhaps this was caused by the writer mistakenly translating ad verbatim from his vernacular language. There is a high likelihood that is what happened based on the current sentence structures within the presentation. Before the writer can be expected to properly respond to the prompta, he must first make sure his English writing will be understood. Otherwise, the result is this failing essay.
## The graph shows the income of four cafes in New York in 12 months over the last year.

  
  
[body 1]:  
Regarding the quantity of Internet Express fluctuated over the period given. This figure started at under $100,000 and went down slightly to $80,000 in April then levelled off there until June. The period from November to December witnessed an impressive increase to under $140,000 in the figure for Internet Express after growing gradually to around $120,000 between July and November. The number of Wi-fi Café rose inconsiderately to over $60,000 in March. This figure grew sharply to nearly $100,000 in July before declining steeply to about $60,000 in September. Wi-fi Café' number of incomes went up rapidly to approximately $19,000 over the next four months. The figure for Café Cool income went up and down between over $30,000 and nearly $60,000 during the first nine months. The was a marginal growth of $60,000 in that of Café Cool and reach the highest point of $120,000 in December.  
  
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The paragraph became too long because there was no discussion outline created prior to the writing of information. Learning to group the presentation ideas over at least 2 presentation paragraphs would provide that needed guidance. Before drafting anything, always figure out what needs to be said, what grouped data is involved, and how to say it. By figuring those out early on, one will be able to create drafts of a proper length. Focus on quick data sharing and short analysis ina task 1 essay. Those will help the writer produce 3-5 sentences in the paragraph. Remember that it is not a vocabulary exercise so data presentation in the priority. The data for Wifi Express should have been ina new paragraph since it is a different company.
## the only global language - English?

  
  
It has been suggested that English should be used as the only spoken language in the world. Many non-native speaking English countries have English as their second language and lessons are not taught in their mother tongue. From my perspective, I am completely opposed to this change.  
  
Admittedly, it is true that using English as the only global language can eradicate tremendous problems that we are facing with, including miscommunication. When it comes to communication, business transaction, travel, people speaking different languages may have struggle understanding others. However, speaking the same language can solve all aforementioned difficulties and brings more chances to people from countries do not speak English. For example, Malaysia, the Philippines, witnessed significant economic development partly due to the ability to speak English fluently of their citizens.  
  
However, I believe that neither English nor any other languages should be the only global language as it could end the linguistic diversity, lead to language death on large scale. This could make many cultures ceasing to exist as their is a strong link between language and culture. Culture is identity, history, what set us apart from others, liberate people from slavery. For instance, despite over of years being colonized by Chinese, brutal wars, etc, Vietnam is independent and it comes as a result of preserving rich culture and patriotism being built through traditional values.  
  
In conclusion, it is my strong belief that none should be used as the only global language as this change might lead to massive amount of language death and the lost of culture and identity
There is a slight problem in the first paragraph. The writer's opinion should always come before the reasoning statement. It was presented in reverse for this section. The second sentence should be in the last part of the paragraph since that idea represents the opinion basis. The response is also using an incorrect extent format when the question did not require a strongly worded response. It cannot be given full scoring merit interes of task accuracy for the paragraph.  
  
The first reasoning paragraph is disqualified from any score as it is not related to the given opinion statement. The writer is contradicting himself. That is unacceptable in a non-comparison discussion presentation. He must justify his opinion convincingly over 2 paragraphs. Something he could have easily done to get a passing score since he indicated 2 good reasons in the relevant paragraph. Instead, the confusing opinions will lead to a failing final score due to lack of proper reasoning development.
## animal-based products on the market

  
  
In contemporary society, using animal-based products is unnecessary for people choosing. I entirely agree with this statement by the following explanation.  
  
The first reason in favor of my argument is that slaughtering animals for clothing and medicines is inhumane. The first is people kill the animals just because their skins can make exorbitant carpetbaggers and bring great profit to their company. Furthermore, testing animals in particular medical and beauty fields receives conflicting opinions on whether it is compulsory since cosmetics tested on animals and animal-derived medicines partially guarantee whether you will be allergic to them. In the market, many beauty brands commit that they do not use animals for testing their products called cruelty-free brands.  
  
Apart from the practical concerns expressed above, two other reasons should be discussed. Another reason supporting my view is that thanks to the advent of technology, people do not need much meat in their life. Some meat-eaters think that eating vegetables is not enough nutrition and experience vitamin deficiencies which are the opposite view. Cutting-edge technologies help plant-based foods get full of essential nutrients that humans need in daily diets, limiting the intake of meat in residents. In addition, herbal remedies can completely replace animal-derived medicines because of being used for a period in which we do not suffer decreased brain volume or fatigue.  
  
In conclusion, for the reasons mentioned above, I firmly hold the view that we can change the majority of a meat diet to vegetables, and that does not do us any harm to health later.  
  
I would be grateful to receive your responses.
I do not know where to begin with the review of this essay. The writing is just so bad that it simply will not pass had this exercise been done as an actual test. It is important that the test taker understand that I am acknowledging the effort placed in the writing of the essay but the effort was not enough to meet passing standards.  
  
The main problem that I can see is related to the coherence of the presentation. A lack of clear thought presentation prevented a proper understanding of the paragraphs. Cohesive devices were not properly utilized either. I suspect these problems are related to the lack of proper vocabulary usage and little control over sentence presentations. The overall presentation is choppy, confusing, and connected topics require better in- paragraph development.  
  
Redundancies and a lack of proper restatement and opinion presentation are actually the least of the problems the essay has. Although these are still immediate presentation problems.
## advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year

  
  
**In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this.**  
  
It is widely believed that it is necessary for high school seniors to have a year-long break to travel or work. In this essay, I will discuss the advantages of taking a gap-year and some of the challenges to overcome.  
  
Let's begin by looking at the advantages. There is no doubt that delaying tertiary education for one year enables students to hone practical skills. This is due to the fact that students will have the chance to expose to the alien environment to gain new experiences such as socializing with various people or finding their place in the community. Besides, given that most high schools provide inadequate career guidance, sparing several months looking for job opportunities or attending vocational training courses will empower students to identify a suitable career path. Such experiences would be hardly attainable if high school graduates immediately enroll in university, and become occupied with their intense study schedules.  
  
Turning to the other side of the argument, deferring university enrollment is not without difficulties. A major downside is that gap-year takers may fall behind in their study, which is attributed to long distraction from formal schooling. As a result, this can subject them to peer pressure, as well as gradually drain their self-confidence. Another drawback is that those young people are unlikely to save up much money or cultivate relevant job skills as jobs available to high school leavers are mainly entry-level ones that are neither well-paid nor effective to teach them anything substantive.  
  
All things considered, a gap year can have both advantages and disadvantages. It is my view that individuals know what is best for them to choose the most proper and worthwhile path.  
  
I would be grateful to receive your responses.
There is a difference between discussing advantages V. disadvantages and   
  
some of the challenges to overcome  
. The latter is a totally misleading statement that is not connected to the orginal presentation in any way. It is an improper prompt interpretation and will cause a task scoredown. While the correct pronoun was used, it did not lead to the establishment of A V. D discussion topics thees, leaving the writer's opinion unclear in relation to the topic. Another scoredown.  
  
Let's  
No. Always be clear that the writer is the one speaking. Refer to the first person at all times. Throw in the 3nd person reference when needed. The essay is all about the writer's perception after all. Doing so will also increase the C + C score.
## high school graduation in 3 countries

  
  
The given bar chart depicts the percentages of high school graduation in three different countries, namely Mexico, Portugal, Luxembourg, between 2005 and 2011.  
  
Overall, the rate of Mexico and Portugal underwent an upward trend, while Luxembourg's percentage experienced a downward trend. Another interesting point here is that only Portugal's rate had some fluctuations.  
  
Looking at the graph in more detail, it can be seen that the graduated high school students rate in Mexico increases steadily by around 10 percent every two years. The figure was 20% in 2005, then it increased to 30% and 40% in 2007 and 2009, respectively, before reaching its highest rate at about 52% in 2011. Throughout the period, it was the lowest rate among the three aforementioned nations.  
  
Unlike Mexico, the ratio of graduated high school students in Luxembourg stood at 80% in 2005, which was its highest level and it was also the highest rate among the three countries in this year. The 7-year period witnessed a gradual decline of Luxembourg's rate, from 80% at the beginning to 60% in 2011.  
  
Portugal had more than a half of high school students graduated in 2005. This figure then seared to approximately 95% in 2009, becoming the highest rate compared to the two other nations. At the end of the period, this ratio dropped by around 10%, outraced the rate of Luxembourg.
The summary overview must always be presented within 3-5 sentences. The information must be individualized into separate sentences due to statement clarity considerations. When a run-on sentence is presented, coherence and cohesiveness in the paragraph is sacrificed. The result is a reduced overall score as points are sacrificed in 3 sections. The affected sections are : TA, C + C, and GRA.  
  
A 230 word essay is not possible during a 20 minute writing task. The task 1 essay should number only between 175 to 200 words. These numbers are the ideal target range that will allow for the least escort overall, while presenting the maximum scoring allowance for the writer. Do not over discuss the presentation. This report analipis must remain short since it has to be completed in a reporting style.
## Geothermal power plant

  
  
The diagram below shows how geothermal energy is used to produce electricity.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant.  
  
"The picture demonstrates the process of making electricity from a geothermal power plant. In general, there are 3 significant steps to transform heat from the geothermal zone into electricity. First, in the injection well, cold water from a small tank is pumped through a 4.5-kilometer pipe down to the geothermal zone. Underground hot rocks in this area warm up the water. Next, In the production well, hot water is pushed into the condenser by using a hole, which has the same length as the pipe. As pumped up, the warmed water will produce steam that fills the consender and runs into the turbine over a small hole. In a specific room, there is a turbine and a generator. The turbine after being powered by steam will rotate and create centrifugal force. From there, the generator which links with the turbine derives its spin energy into electricity and transfers it to the high voltage power pole by transmission lines.  
  
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A clear lack of task 1 writing knowledge is evident in this writing. It is non- passing for several reasons ranging from incorrect image identification to formatting problems. The writer should not with another task 1 essay until he knows what the presentation requirements are.  
  
For starters, the image description does not suit the presentation. It is an illustrative diagram or procedural picture. It is not a plain picture. The image should identify its function in the report. That is because the image is the total basis of the information presentation.  
  
The essay does not have the 3 paragraph presentation for a single image task. It should contain :  
  
Paragraph 1: Summary + Trending Statement - Highlights of the information  
Paragraph 2: First half of the instructional content  
Paragraph 3: Second half of the procedure  
  
Care must also be taken in forming the sentences. No irrelevant punctuation marks should be found. Proper sentence type mixes should be present. Take time to edit and proofread. The current level of writing is unacceptable.
***In the past, people stored knowledge in books. Nowadays, people store knowledge on the internet.***  
## Are there more advantages or disadvantages of this trend.

  
*write at least 250 words*  
  
People have a tendency to store knowledge on the internet at the present while they used books to store knowledge in the past. Personally, I believe that the benefits of this trend outweigh its drawbacks.  
  
In my opinion, the only disadvantage of storing information on the internet is that it increases the screen time, resulting in impact badly on our eye health. However, this problem can be solved by using the anti-bluelight glasses or we can use the anti-bluelight screen protector for our devices when we use the advanced technology such as smartphones, tablets, computers and so on to get the knowledge online and those things can be easily bought in every regions.  
  
By contrast, using the internet to store knowledge has many advantages. Firstly, qualified information on the internet is convenient to access as we can just stay at home to reach the knowledge online by some clicks or taps on our fingers; meanwhile, we have to buy books when the knowledge is stored in them that we may go to bookstores to buy them or shop them online, but the books may be damaged in the delivery journey. For instance, I bought a photobook on the Amazon website delivered from the United States. When I received it, the border and corners of the photobook were completely spoiled by external causes when it was being delivered. In addition, the quality of knowledge can be maintained all the time while the word in books can be faded in the long run.  
  
In conclusion, I think storing knowledge on the internet has more advantages than the disadvantages that it brings.
Excellent work in making it very clear to the examiner that you are stating your personal opinion throughout the essay. By using the correct pronouns, you will certainly increase your scores across all considerations, specially in the C+C and GRA sections. However, you should not have discussed the disadvantage in the essay. The idea is to prove that your opinion (advantage) is the correct one. So the discussion format should have been:  
  
Sentence 1: Perceived disadvantage  
Sentence 2: Reason it is seen as a disadvantage  
Sentence 3: Why it is an advantage  
Sentence 4: Give a supporting example  
Sentence 5: (optional) Additional connected supporting explanation  
  
You cannot prove that your idea should be listened to and believed by the examiner when you are trying to prove and disprove both sides. The job of the writer is to ensure that he always disproves the side opposing his own opinion. High scores are sure to follow if the writer can accomplish that.
## youngsters break the law

  
  
In this day and age, it is true that more and more juveniles commit an offense worldwide. As far as I am concerned, the reasons related to this phenomenon vary and several measures can be implemented to persuade others to reduce this trend.  
  
The reasons why many youngsters break the law are twofold. One of the prominent causes is the omnipresence of violent films or games. Young people, unlike adults, do not have the strong ability to distinguish right from wrong. Besides, excessive violence in the virtual world renders them aggressive and navigates them to consider violence as the optimal solution to tackle obstacles and show their personality as heroes who punish evil they enjoy on television. In some situations, patients who are over obsessed with the scene of fights on games online can commit serious offenses such as murder or robbery. Secondly, due to the high poverty rate in several countries, having supported their family's finance, many children take part in unlawful activities like pickpocketing or tricking visitors as a way of making a living.  
  
It is parents and the government that have to take responsibility for solving this issue. Firstly, the family should put together with the school to manage and adjust the sources of entertainment their children enjoy and educate them on how to make healthy use of films and games. Moreover, providing financial support for the poor area and creating more employment opportunities for youth is highly recommended to rise their income and raise awareness of what punishment they will face if offending.  
  
In conclusion, both the prevalence of entertainment which consists of violent factors, and the demand to earn money for a living are considered as the chief culprit behind the increasing number of young criminals. Join efforts of the goverment and parents will help reduce the levels of youth crimes.
The thesis statement is useless. It does not accurately restate the prompt nor establish the discussion platform for the topic. The examiner will read the presentation and realize that the student is not familiar with the topic or, he did not want to create a score increasing reasoning summary for some reason. By not indicating that he has good English comprehension skills and, that he is capable of summarizing his discussion thoughts as he would be required to do in a formal class, he has proven an inability to use the English language in a manner that would help him communicate with others. The one thing examiners hate reading are empty prompt restatements that never include a writer's opinion. It usually results in a failing preliminary score. There is however something the writer did right, he used a first person pronoun to indicate his empty opinion. Where no reasons are provided, the writer's opinion becomes invalid.  
  
Based on the given discussion, the writer appears to have sound knowledge of the topic. However, by using two reasons per paragraph where one was sufficient, he created an under developed reasoning paragraph for each presentation. It is best to use only one reason (when indicated) and develop that reason fully or, use 2 connected reasons that can be seen as coherent through the use of transition sentences and phrases.
***NOWADAYS, MORE AND MORE PEOPLE DECIDE TO HAVE CHILDREN LATER IN THEIR LIFE.***  
## DO THE ADVANTAGES OF THIS OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES?

  
  
With cutting- edge technology, living standards have become higher than ever. That is the reason why a large number of people want their infants to be born later, so that they can focus on their careers to ensure their children a comfortable life. From my view, its benefits prevail over the drawbacks.  
  
Having pregnancy at old age has prominent benefits for pregnant women's children. One of the most advantages is that they can focus on their career and enjoy their life. Not having a baby early, spouses can enjoy cohabiting with each other, which could make their relationship more close-knit such as: they could understand each other well and then have less conflict between wife and husband. A spouse with steady jobs could accumulate satisfactory income, which can ensure their children's life. Moreover, they can easily accommodate their children's needs. Children can enjoy their happy and joyful life without worrying about hunger or illness. Finally, rich experienced parents in life could provide their children with proper advice for many things such as how to distinguish fresh or unfresh vegetables, and learn the differences between healthy and sick cattle, which is just a small amount of youth knew about this nowadays. Despite some worries about the health of late-born babies and elderly mothers, advanced medical technology can lessen the rate of these cases significantly. That's why they are no longer a concern.  
  
However, this can bring some negative drawbacks. Because of living in different generations, parents can not keep up with recent trends like teenagers such as fashion style, popular dance, which can be hard for the parents to understand. Apart from that, parents and adolescent's thoughts can somehow contrast. Take the preferences in music for instance. While middle aged people like enjoying traditional and folk music, the youth will have more interest in pop music.  
  
To conclude, I believe that despite being in a distant generation gap, the benefits of having pregnancy at old age can outweigh the drawbacks.