dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Vo, in my opinion, you have not given ample thought to time management in the writing of your essay. You wrote 210 words for a task that should be completed in 20 minutes. Therefore, your sole focus was on the vocabulary aspect of the writing instead of the content and quality of your presentation. Take for instance, how you represented the year starting in the chart as being 1973 when the title indicates that the chart starts in 1938. The overview should have indicated the same with a relevant explanation of:  
  
*While the graph begins in the year 1973, the actual start of the graph, as indicated in the description, is 1938.*  
  
This is because, if the data comparison of the examiner is done based on the actual image, your statement will have a bit of a misrepresentation of the data. It never hurts to be clear in your presentation of the actual information, even if you have to explain the minute difference in the presentation. It still counts as a TA score increase. Additionally, you should have mentioned that the graph started in 1973 and ended in 2008 along with the age group description. All of the relevant immediate information should be presented in the overview as:  
  
*A line graph representing the differences in the UK birth rate for women in 6 age groups are represented in the illustration. The age groups represented as those under 20 years up till the age of 40 and above. Each group is considered within a 5 year age bracket. The measurements are represented in percentage points. The measurements show a varying trend of upward, downward, and flat birth rates, depending upon the age group.*  
  
With that slight observation made, I have to say that the rest of your analysis is strong and relevant. It is clear and easily understood by the reader even if the reader does not see the graph within your analysis. Good job!
*We can get knowledge from news, but some people think we cannot trust journalists. What do you think? What qualities do you think a successful journalist should have?*  
  
## honesty and passion are the key qualities

  
  
In this day and age, it is true that news can be brought a useful information in different categories such as economic, policy, and so on. However, some people think that it is very hard to believe newsman or newswomen. In my personal thinking, I partly agree with this opinion by below following reasons and I will list down some characteristics which victorious reporters should have.  
  
On the one hand, there are a variety of reasons why people should read news. These announcements can help people to broaden their knowledge by latest information which is updated quickly day by day. Furthermore, besides different topics, news also collect data and report in different countries . For example, US election can be known by all people through news, this was live reporting immediately when journalist got the result. On the other hand, some journalists in tabloid give wrong information by exaggerating the problem in these day. In addition, this information is not censored carefully. For instance, journalists try to get new details from super stars and then they write fictional stories by hot titles.  
  
For successful reporters, they should have honesty and passion for their job. First, journalists must face with messy information which is related to many people. Without honesty, they can change the truth before communicating in newspaper. For example, some corporations want to be famous by fake data which is given in newspaper, therefore, they can bribe reporters to do these wrong things. Secondly, journalists is hard job which needs to travel frequently and face with dangerous situation. This could depress their energy if they do not have enough enthusiasm for job.  
  
In conclusion, people should continue reading news, however they need to be conscious to select official newspaper.  
Moreover, honesty and passion are key qualities in order to become successful journalists.
Hi vothuong, hope that I can help.  
  
From your introduction paragraph, you stated you partially agree the statement 'journalists are not trustworthy'. However from your paragraph it seems you are not describing how you trust (or not) the journalists but instead, you are telling people how importance to read news. And at the end of paragraph you mentioned the newspaper who published gossips which give us sign that you would like to make some comparisons between trusted newspapers and those focus on rumors. If that is the case I think it would be perfect if you can say more about it.  
  
From your conclusion paragraph you say people 'need to be conscious to select official newspaper', is it the summary of the paragraph two?
Vo, your total approach to the essay is wrong. You turned a direct question essay into an opinion essay, which is not how this should have been written. The format for this paper is:  
  
1. Prompt paraphrase with direct questions response  
2. Explanation of why you think we can / cannot trust journalists  
3. Qualities of a successful journalist  
4. Concluding summary  
  
While your response to the second part of the question is correct, your created a prompt deviation in response to the question as to whether or not a journalist can be trusted to tell the truth in their reporting. You instead explained the importance of reading the news, which is not what this essay is about. Since you changed the topic of the discussion, your essay will only be partially correct in response. That mistake cost you the chance to get a scoring consideration of 5 with this essay. You will get a score lower than that due to the other mistakes made in grammar and sentence structure presentations.  
  
What you wrote as a response is a prompt deviation because you are discussing reasons why people should read the news instead of whether or not a journalist should be trusted. Therefore, based on the observed mistakes, I do not think that you stand a chance of getting a passing score with this paper.
## kids prefer watching TV instead of being active outdoors

  
  
*Recently, children are spending much time on TV instead of active and creative things. Why do you think this is the case? What measures will be helpful to change this problem?*  
  
In recent years, children are more keen on watching TV than doing active and creative activities. In my opinion, this trend could be attributed to two main reasons and that this is a tendency that should be changed.  
  
The main cause for this trend is that today, there are numerous TV programs and shows which are appealing to children. These shows are usually subsequent, forcing the kids to stay tuned and hardly ever leave the TV screen. Therefore, they are often hooked and have no time for other activities. A sedentary lifestyle also contributes to one of the reasons why children are skipping dynamic activities. Kids today are often lazy and unenergetic, so sitting in one place watching TV may make them even lazier. As a result, they feel too tired to leave the screen and might eventually become couch potatoes.  
  
However, there are various steps that could be taken to tackle this problem. Firstly, it is advisable to limit a child's time of watching TV. Their parents should be responsible for doing this by telling the kids about the potentially harmful effects of watching too much TV. If a child is informed about why binge-watching TV shows are bad for his eyes, or why it may indirectly cause obesity, he might stop doing it. Additionally, children should be encouraged to take part in outdoor activities like camping or doing volunteer work. These activities require energy and creativity, thereby making them become involved in active and creative work.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that there are some reasons for this phenomenon, and it is vital to take measures so that this trend can be changed.
Duong, excellent work in merging your 2 reasons for why kids prefer to watch TV. You also did a good job in explaining and connecting your suggested solutions to the problem. These are 2 of the most well developed direct essay responses I have seen in a while on this forum. However, you have a problem with the opening paraphrase and the concluding summary presentations.  
  
In the opening paraphrase, you should have immediately mentioned what your response to the 2 questions were. That is because a direct question essay requires a direct response to be given to the immediate questions. Only agree/disagree and POV opinion essays do not require immediate responses to the question provided. For the conclusion, you need to summarize the reasons you gave in the discussion and the solutions you provided prior to saying that these need to be changed. That is because the concluding summary is a reverse prompt restatement. This time, it should explain the reasons in the discussion after the prompt is repeated. In the opening paraphrase, only the original prompt should be paraphrased.  
  
Based on a major consideration though, you did a good job on this essay. You just need more practice in order to ensure a high passing score once you take the test.
## number of TV viewers and radio listeners in the uk

  
  
The line graph indicates the changes in the proportion of audiences listening to radio and watching television during the day in 1992.  
A quick glance at the graph reveals that there was a downward trend in the amount of radio and television audiences.  
At 6 a.m, the figure of radio listeners registered the highest between the two, standing at below 10% of UK population. Then, at around 8:45 a.m, the number increased considerbly to about 26% of UK population. Nonetheless, it declined sharply to roughly 3% of UK population at nearly 6 a.m of next day.  
  
With a similar trend, the bumver of television viewers stood at under 5% of UK population at 6 a.m. After that, at 8 p.m, there was a dramatic rise reaching approximately 45% of UK population. Finally, at nearly 6 a.m of next day, it plunged to around 5% of UK population.  
  
*
The length of the essay just barely meet the requirement, I suggest that it is best that it should be around 160-170 words. Maybe, you could extend your overview.  
  
Overall, I think this is a quite good writing, grammar accuracy is in well-controlled, the types of structure are diverse too, and you could pay more attention to the word choice. There are several points you need to correct:  
  
+ It is "the figure for.." not "the figure of.."  
+ the statistics in this graph are in %, use paraphrased words like " percentage" or " rate" instead of " the number"  
+"there was a dramatic rise to reach a peak of approximately 45%..."  
+ there is a lack of comparison between two lines, this could reduce points in task response.
Huynh, if you review the graph notes, you will see that there is a clear indication of the measurements being given in the percentage specifically for the UK population over the age of 4. The information you gave for the graph does not include the reference to the age range that was part of the survey that was done. Therefore your information is going to be viewed by the examiner as either inaccurate due to the lack of survey reference point or misinformed due to the reference to the age of the general population rather than the age of 4 and above. Such an error / missing information in the summary overview could affect your overall TA score because you did not accurately summarize the information for the task. That is proof of a lack of proper analytical ability on your part.  
  
Your trending statement is also incomplete as it does not clarify that the downward trend is shown in the graph as happening for both television and radio audiences starting at 6 p.m. You were also not careful with your spelling. There is no such term as "bumver", you meant to say "number". Whether you are hand writing this essay or typing it, you need to be conscious of your spelling. Make sure to proof read your work each time.  
  
By the way, your essay is only 2 paragraphs long. The requirement is 4 paragraphs long covering 3-5 sentences per paragraph. That is the reason why, even though you wrote 154 words, your analysis report is not coming across as complete, accurate, and informative. While 150 is the minimum word count, the only way to get the highest possible score, is if you write at least 175-200 words.
## MY travel to Pekalongan city

  
  
I with my coworks went official travel to Pekalongan city on july 10th, 2018. They were mr. Triwidodo, sahid, and gilang. We did office jobs during 4 days 3 nights started from 10th-13th of july, 2018. We went there by train from gambir station to pekalongan station and it take about 4 hours. Mr. Triwidodo bought hokben food as stock for lunch on the train. Alhamdulillah, the travel was running smoothly and we stayed at santika hotel which located was right in front of pekalongan station.
Asep, your sentence structure, noun usage, and word capitalization issues are more of an issue in this statement than anything else. Here is a sample of a better developed presentation:  
  
*My co-workers and I officially traveled to Pekolongan City on July 10, 2018. Along with me were Mr. Triwidodo, Sahid, and Gilang. We performed office tasks covering the dates of July 10-13, 2018 equivalent to 3 nights and 4 days of work. We took the train Gambir Station train and travelled for 4 hours before reaching our Pekalongan Station destination. Mr. Triwidodo had bought Hokben Food for our lunch during the train trip. The trip was smooth and without problems, Alhamdulilah. Our group stayed at the Santika Hotel which was located right in front of the train station.*  
  
Please take note of the presentation changes I made to create a smoother flow in the sentences and, most importantly, which words I capitalized as these are all proper nouns and therefore, should be capitalized.
## the gold demand in Dubai

  
  
The given line graph exhibits the gold consumption of Dubai over four quarters of the year 2002.  
  
It is apparent that the graph experienced a considerable fluctuation. In addition, while the gold sales topped in March, significant downward deviations occurred at two points in the last half of the year.  
  
The gold sales commenced with a relatively high level at 200 million Dirhams in January before undergoing a remarkable acceleration and reaching a peak of 350 million Dirhams in 2 months later. However, this figure then fell dramatically by 200 million Dirhams before continuing to have the brief dip, then hit the first trough at 120 million Dirhams in July.  
  
Before turning back the same trough in value with the second time in September, the figure for gold purchased grew swiftly from 120 to 200 million Dirhams in August. Although the revenue from selling gold jumped back and forth erratically over nine months, there was an upward tendency in the last quarter. Gold consumption recovered and rose modestly until it concluded at nearly the initial level, which was 200 million Dirhams in December.  
  
*
## solving Environmental problems

  
  
*Environmental problems should be solved on a global scale while others believe it is better to deal with them nationally.  
Discuss both views and give your opinion.*  
  
It is often believed that environmental problems should be tackled by every country individually while others think these problems should be solved on a worldwide level. In my opinion, there are many environmental problems, and the resolution of the same to be done by some countries, or worldwide depends upon the type and criticality of environmental issue we are dealing with.  
  
On the one hand, many believe that we live on same mother earth, sharing the same atmosphere, so efforts to resolve the issues should be ubiquitous. In other words, though there are some geographical difference but the air, water and land we use are part of same resource, Earth. Take Global Warming or dissertation, for example, these issues are universal and no country is unaffected by this. Therefore, there are some universal environmental problem, and these should be tackled unitedly.  
  
On the other hand, there are some who think that environmental crisis should be tackled by countries rather than whole world. Every country is dealing with their own set of problems so there is no point in getting united to eradicate regional problems. For instance, The United States have been facing the massive wild fire every year from ages but there is no point in uniting against this problem as the problem is confined to only that area and there is nothing significant which any other country can help them with.  
  
In my opinion, putting in united efforts or tackling the problem country wise totally depends upon the type of criticality of environment issue we are dealing with. If we are dealing with a regional problem, which is concentrated to a small region, then it ought to be dealt with in a country. Like the ozone layer hole in Antarctica needs to be taken care by them, as this happened for a small, concentrated region and this issue is not critical at this point in time. Nevertheless, there are global issues like Global Warming and soil erosion which needs to be tackled ubiquitously. Global Warming is very critical and its impact will be world-wide, sparing none, so this issue needs all hands working together in resonance.  
  
In conclusion, though there are varying opinions about the resolution of environmental issues globally or country by country, I believe, the critical problems like Global warming should be worked upon by all countries united and petty regional environmental adversities should be taken care by every country individually.
Hernant, you need to learnt he difference in discussion methods for each type of Task 2 essay. This is a 3 paragraph comparative essay discussion. You responded to it in a direct opinion essay manner. This mistake will definitely cause you to fail the essay portion of the test because you changed the prompt requirement and created your own discussion instruction in the opening paraphrase. That is too bad. Your essay has the potential to be graded highly because of the discussion that you presented, if it had only been in the correct format. The correct paraphrase is:  
  
*There is an ongoing global discussion as to who should be responsible for solving ecosystem problems. The options being presented are either to have a country deal with the problem individually or, to have a solution developed with the help of several countries. This essay will consider both discussions based on the merit of each discussion before I present my personal opinion regarding this discussion.*  
  
There is a lack of proper discussion representation in your paragraphs. Each paragraph must reference the point of view being discussed in order to clearly present the discussion to the reader. You have to say phrases such as "Considering the problem on a global scale..." or "On a national level..." These directional phrases help the reader understand not only which point of view is being discussed, but also who is doing the talking or whose arguments you are considering. These need to reference a public opinion because your personal opinion doesn't come until almost the end of the written essay, in paragraph 4 specifically.  
  
You presented a pretty solid discussion that was only derailed by the improper discussion reference / format. You show an ability to discuss in English, but have some comprehension problems when it comes to understanding the prompt requirements. Don't worry though, I strongly believe that you will be able to conquer that problem soon. Before you write your next practice essay, look for a work sample online. Read several versions in order to familiarize yourself with the discussion topic and how to approach it. That way, when you write your essay, you will have an idea of how you want to answer the essay in an original form instead of an imitated one.
Dear all, I'm new to this forum. Thank god, there is a place like this because I am about to take my IELTS exam. I hope to receive your comments on my essay and an expected score.  
  
## **SHARING INFORMATION**

  
  
**Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Other believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.  
  
Discuss both views and give your opinions.**  
  
The 21th century has seen the drastic change in various fields including science, business and academic. While some people argue that sharing achievements in these fields is a waste of resources and can lead to dangerous results, I still believe that information shared widely and freely should be supported because it is the key to new breaking-through inventions in such areas and improvement of academic performance.  
  
On one hand, it is thought that if confidential and important information falls into the wrong hands, it could result in unexpected and devasting outcomes. For instance, the formula of a new chemical substance which can explode in a large area may be used by a terrorist to make a bomb. Furthermore, many companies keep their inventions totally confidential due to the reason that if it was stolen by their enemy firms, they would perhaps lose the ownership of the invention and, as a consequence, their customers and the money invested into the research and development of this invention.  
  
On the other hand, it is undeniable that sharing information can stretch the boundaries on mathematics, science and a variety of fields. Many scientists use the new knowledge from academic publication to develop their own theories and make inventions. A famous example is Marie Cuire and her husband used research papers from their colleagues to invent radium thanks to which they received a Nobel Prize. It also applies to academic world in which students given opportunities to approach up-to-date information on their majors can increase their interest in studying and achieve more outstanding academic performances. It is possible that researches conducted by those professors and students may be improved in terms of quality.  
  
In conclusion, after considering both positive and negative sides of the issue regarding sharing information widely and freely, I firmly believe that its pros outweigh its cons and information sharing will highly possibly open the door to the new era of science and technology.
Anh, the approach to this essay requires you to discuss the public opinion regarding the sharing of information with regards to the two points of view. It is only after presenting the arguments from the public that you can use your personal opinion to support one of the two views in the discussion. That makes this essay a 5 paragraph comparison essay. What you wrote, based on the prompt paraphrase you created is only a 2 sided personal opinion point of view essay. That runs counter to the prompt discussion requirement.  
  
The clue as to how many paragraphs should be written can be found in the discussion instruction. When it is said that you have to "Discuss both points of view and give your opinion", that is automatically a 5 paragraph essay. When presented with a question instruction such as "Do you agree or disagree", that is a 4 paragraph essay presentation.  
  
The discussion requirement clearly indicates a public discussion be presented in the first 2 body paragraphs because it refers to "Some people believe..." which indicates a public discussion. As such, it is the reference to the public opinions that should be discussed first so that your 3rd body paragraph (4th in the overall essay paragraph presentation) that is based on your personal point of view gains strength and authority by supporting one of the two POV's.