dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***TOPIC:  
People living in the 21st century generally have better quality of lives than people born in earlier centuries.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
It is believed that the quality of life in today's world has improved a lot since the previous centuries. Personally, I totally agree with this point of view.  
  
On the one hand, as the growth of modern medicine, we could have a longer and healthier life, and the average life expectancy has increased tremendously as proof. A few decades ago, humankind usually had a higher risk of getting serious illnesses and health issues. Community health care in recent years, however, has significantly improved and has also been capable to raise people's awareness of the importance of health protection. Besides, it is delighted to know that people nowadays can quickly get access to advanced medical treatments because of the well-planned investment by the government. This, in my opinion, beneficially affects the living standard of people in society. My cousin, for example, had a damaged liver after an accident, but thanks to the developments in the medical field, the doctors successfully transplanted a healthy liver and gave her a new life.  
  
At the same time, I also think that education plays an essential role in leveling up people's living conditions. You have to understand that the more people have the opportunity to study, the more society develops. Because instead of being a burden to the community, with knowledge, people can contribute to it by building businesses that create jobs for many unemployed workers, or forming relationships with foreign companies to promote the economic potential. Therefore, many governments in the world spend billions of dollars to encourage intelligent students and focus on elevating the teaching system to meet the increasing learning needs of today's students. For instance, in Vietnam, you will probably obtain a scholarship to study abroad, if you win the first prize in the national Math competition.  
  
In conclusion, it seems to me that the standard of living in the modern world has developed in a beneficial way.
Hi, I believe that you spent time investing into your essay, I would like to give you some comments.  
The first things I see is that the way you use adverbial phrases as On the one hand, at the same time. I disagree with this way because when use On the one hand, it means that the next time you would mention something opposite. I also don't recommend to use "At the same time" like that. This seems to be extremely forced.  
  
Secondly, the tone of your essay is a problem. You should analyse ideas in an objective position, don't only mention your opinion that would not convince examiners. Avoiding using "you", "I think" while you analyse.  
  
Finally, I suggest you put a sentence to conclude your examples, which will make them more persuaded.  
I hope you will enhance your essay next time. Try the best!
@DiepVu99  
Thank you for your comments <3  
I am totally agree with the idea that I lack of evidence to persuade the examiners and using too much you and I think to analyse.  
  
I really wonder that instead of using On the one hand or At the same time, what phrases I should use in this kind of essay (the totally agree).?  
  
If you are available, I would hope to listen to your amazing ideas.  
Thanks a lot, I appreciate all of your efforts <3
Hi everyone, this is my practice essay to prepare for the IELTS test. I hope to receive comments from you. Thank you!  
  
***Nowadays animal experiments are widely used to develop new medicines and to test the safety of other products. Some people argue that these experiments should be banned because it is morally wrong to cause animals to suffer, while others are in favour of them because of their benefits to humanity.***  
  
## DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION.

  
  
It is true that testing on animal is a crucial phase in developing a new drug. While some people believe that animal experimentation is inhumane and should be forbidden, I would argue that it is better to test medicines and other products before releasing them to the market for the development in pharmaceutical field.  
  
On the one hand, there are some concerns about the ethical issues of experiments on animals. For instance, scientists usually make the laboratory subject sick by giving them a pathogen or a toxic chemical compound. Therefore, they might have been through a lot of pain or even be killed for the experiments. In addition, many animal rights activists believe that scientists have no right to make those living things suffer because their lives are just as precious as human lives and these research are sometimes not necessary in the case of cosmetic products. Therefore, pharmaceutical firms should find other alternatives to test their products.  
  
On the other hand, many people believe that experiments on animals must be routinely done as a part of the drug development because such research could guarantee not only the effectiveness but also the safety of medicines. Some animals such as mouse or monkey share almost the same DNA as human, which makes them the suitable subjects for testing human targeted drugs. If a new compound shows good therapeutic effects on animals, we could hope for the same effects on human. Furthermore, preclinical trials on animals help scientists understand the toxicity of a drug before testing it on human. Therefore, these research could ensure the safety in latter clinical trial phases.  
  
In conclusion, although research conducted on animals might have some ethical concerns, it seems to me that animal experimentation is necessary to provide primary evidences of a new drug's effectiveness and safety.
In my point of view, your logical thinking is good, which is showed via how you use vocabulary and take proper examples.  
However, I see a mistake in your essay. That is exactly a requirement of the topic that asks you to give your opinion. You shouldn't only mention yours in introduction. I suggest you create another paragraph that only shows your own idea or at least, write it down in the last sentences of each body paragraphs. It might help you reach a higher effectiveness. Simultaneously, you can also meet all the requests such as DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION.  
  
Hope that my comment would help you a little.
## media effect on personal relationships

  
  
It is said that the way we use electronic media affects negatively our relationships in real life. In my point of view, I believe it has both pros and cons which is supported by the reasons below.  
  
First of all, it is undeniable that electronic devices like mobile phones, laptops... make it much easier for us to keep in touch with each other. In addition, using these modern stuffs for communicating is much more convenient and costs fewer fees than traditional ways. For people who live far away from each other, they can simply meet up through screens, which helps keep the relationship fresh and stable. Moreover, it is believed that for less embarrassment will be created during the first meeting if we get to know each other via emails,social networking... a few days beforehand.  
  
On the other hand, sometimes, those high-technology devices are both abused and misused. It is on the cards that we no longer talk face to face when we hang out, everyone is attached to the phones and immersed in their own networking lives. This phenomena may lead to the fact that people are misunderstanding the quality of real life and life on social media. Besides, abusing electronic stuffs for entertainment will lower your interest in finding happiness outside with people then block you from getting on well with both old and new relationships.  
  
Overall, the increase in using electronic media is predicted to be unstoppable. Neither advantages nor disadvantages will automatically disappear, it depends on how you you them. Try to counter-balance between real life and social media life in order not to ruin your relationships  
  
TOPIC The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people. To what extent do you agree or disagree? \*250 words at least
<3 I have learnt a lot of new words and useful structures from your essay. I only note out some errors, hope it will help you.  
  
... media ~~affects negatively~~ negatively affects or severely affects our ... In my point of view (go short by: In my perspective), I believe ...  
  
... like mobile phones, laptops... (don't use "...") make it much ... In addition, using ~~these modern stuffs~~ (stuff is an uncountable noun => this modern stuff) for ... and ~~costs fewer fees~~ (has a lower cost) than traditional ways.  
  
..., it is believed that ~~for~~ less ...social networking... ( you don't use ... in ielts writing because it is quite informal) a few days beforehand.  
  
Overall, the ~~increase~~  rise in ...  
... on how you ~~you~~  use them. ~~Try to counter-balance ...~~ (unnecessary)
## smoking in public should be forbidden

  
  
Some countries today have passed laws against smoking tobacco in public buildings such as offices and restaurants. Other countries have no intention of doing this. Consider the possible arguments on both sides of this debate and reach your own conclusion on which side you favor.  
  
Smoking cigarette is well-known for is harmful effects not only on direct smokers but also passive smokers around him. Many countries have forbidden smoking in public places while others do not tend to follow. This essay will go through some reasons for both sides.  
  
On the one hand, supporters of smoking restriction in public places point out some of the positive effects of the law which are improve physical health of other people who do not smoke. Evidence from many statistics show that most of the victims of lung diseases caused by tobacco are passive smokers. These people are range from children to pregnant women. In addition, they claim that smoking in public can hugely impact the awareness of children. Children can use these negative images as their role models to imitate and become addicted to smoking.  
  
On the other hand, authorities in other countries believes that smoking is not noticeable problem in their countries since they do not produce cigarette and the sources of tobacco are from abroad which boosts the price much higher than the places of production, making their people to consider carefully before purchasing a cigarette. Moreover, to some countries, the benefit coming from the sales of cigarette make up most of the state budget. Take Cuba for example, this country has been globally famous for their cigarette and exported their product to many other countries. Forbidding their people to smoke means destroying their economy and admitting that they are producing a toxic kind of goods.  
  
To conclude, admittedly, tobacco plays an important role in some countries. Nevertheless, they should accept the truth that it is very harmful to social health. Even if they can make profits from selling tobacco, the money they gain will be invested in healthcare and the passive smokers are the only ones that suffer from the illness while they do not smoke. That is why smoking in public should be forbidden.  
  
(320 words)
Smoking cigarette**s**is well-known for ~~is~~ **its**harmful effects ... smokers around ~~him~~ **them**.  
  
... law which are **to** improve ... Evidence from many statistics show that most of ... **this is actually not true most of the victims of lung diseases is due to direct smoking**.  
  
imitate and **can** become ...  
  
... countries believe~~s~~ that smoking is not **a** noticeable ... produce cigarette**s** . ... sales of cigarette**s** make up most of the state budget**are u sure? sales from cigarettes cannot contribute towards most of the state budget**.  
  
Your flow of essay is good with some nice range of vocabulary and strong ideas. Cigarette is a countable noun and cannot stand alone without **a** either place **a** before cigarette or write it in its plural form. If you are writing for ielts i think don't leave your stand/opinion for the very end. Some inaccuracies in terms of facts.
I have something to comment on your conclusion.  
"Even if they can ... they do not smoke" - This sentence is really confusing. I don't see any point in talking about how money making from selling tobacco are invested. Since your opening sentence stated that both direct smokers and passive smokers had adverse effects from smoking, the ending should go with that idea rather than stating "passive smokers are the only ones that suffer...". I think this sentence is too emotional and not suitable in an academic context.  
  
Also, your conclusion contained too many short sentences. You should cut to 2-3 sentences including summarize your ideas from the first and second body paragraph and your opinion.  
  
Hope this might help.
## the primary causes of obesity among kids

  
  
Childhood obesity tends to become a serious public health challenge in many countries. This essay will look at the primary causes of this trend and suggest some possible solutions to tackle this problem.  
  
There are a number of reasons for the rising level of childhood obesity. The first reason is unhealthy eating habits. Children nowadays tend to consume too much fast food such as candy, snack and sugary drinks. It causes them to gain weight quickly as they are containing very high in fat and sugar but low in vitamins and minerals. Another reason is sedentary lifestyles. Children spend all of their own time watching TV, browsing the Internet or playing video games instead of going outside and doing sports. As a consequence, they are becoming increasingly obese.  
  
There are several actions that could be taken to mitigate the issues mentioned above. Firstly, parents need to control what their children eat and make sure that they have a healthy diet. Educating kids about the detrimental effects of an imbalanced diet is considerable. Unhealthy junk food should be banned from the school menu and fast food advertising need to be limitted. Secondly, parents should restrict the time their children using for sedentary activities and encourage them to take regular exercise, which would help them to control their weight by burning calories. Physical education would help them to avoid assembling fat.  
  
To sum up, there are various factors leading to the rise in childhood obesity, and measures should be taken to solve this problem.
These are my suggestions for your essay. I didn't correct the second body paragraph as it was not needed.  
  
Firstly, u didnt paraphrase the question. Secondly, solution was not asked in the prompt.  
  
...candy, snack**s** and sugary drinks  
...they ~~are containing~~ **contain** very high in fat   
....sedentary lifestyle~~s~~  
.....their ~~own~~ time watching TV
Since the original prompt, which the person above failed to consider, does ask for the problem statement, causes of the problem, effects, and possible solutions, you actually followed the prompt requirements as indicated. This is what I mean by students who are not familiar with the essay topics should never pretend to be an authority or offer advice when it can definitely be wrong and simply mislead other students, who are also learners themselves. If one is not familiar with the topic, then one should simply refrain from giving advice as it could lead to mistaken reviews and irrelevant advice.  
  
As for the opening paragraph, you should have completed the restatement within 5 sentences maximum, or at least 3 sentences. You should have represented an actual reference to the reasoning topics that were to follow. So outline your discussion. Your first sentence, the actual paraphrase, still uses the original reference phrase in relation to "many countries". An error that will appear as memorized phrase usage in an actual test. The lack of an outlined discussion in response to the discussion instructions will also affect the first part of your scoring situation as the examiner does not have a solid reference point for your English comprehension skills. Next time, outline your response topics.  
  
Your cause and effect in the first reasoning paragraph is good. The problem, is that you failed to offer a solution within the same paragraph so that it could have followed the expected format of:  
  
- Cause of obesity  
- Reason for this cause  
- Possible solution  
- Example / justification that supports your suggested solution  
- Additional explanation / Transition sentence  
  
Although you tried to do that in this essay, the fact that you used 2 topics per paragraph is what forced the discussion format error on your part. Use only 1 topic per paragraph and completely develop that topic based on the above format. That will help you boost your C&C score as you properly connected the discussion requirements for the essay in one paragraph. The 2 reasoning paragraphs become well presented and properly developed in that instance.  
  
As for the conclusion. That is never a single sentence. You should always restate the previous discussion topic, summarize the causes, effects, and then, close with a strong repetition of your suggested solution(s). That will help you properly represent the reverse paraphrase.
Hey there, I'm new to the IELTS test so I just point out some small details that I think you could use to improve your essay.  
  
I think that the second body paragraph is a little confusing to me. For example, you said parents should control their children diet but you supported it with the idea that junk food should be banned from the canteen menu. I think they are not really relevant to each other.  
  
Another thing is, your sentences are too short and they ended too suddenly. Like this sentence: "Physical education would help them to avoid assembling fat". I think you could use some transitions like "Furthermore", "Moreover", "In addition"...  
  
Hope this help.
## lipstick on the wall

  
  
I had a bad day on yesterday. When I got home in the evening, as I walked up to the door of my room, I had a strange feeling that something was wrong. I could hear a voice behind the door. When I walked into the room, I saw a big mess. My young sister had used my lipstick to draw on the wall! And that lipstick had cost $50! I got very upset and kicked her out of the room. Her mom was sorry me because her child hadn't known anything. She had paid me $100 and gone before I got upset again.
Hello, this paragraph is very easy to understand. However, it seems too short with 104 words. Is it a assignment given by your high school, or college, or just a piece of writing you come up with yourself?  
  
1. "as I walked up.... ". You should use past progressive here: "as I was walking up to"  
2. "My young sister". You mean "my younger sister"? Furthermore, "sister" is not a suitable word here. Later, you write in your paragraph that "her mom was sorry...", which means you and that child do not have the same mother. You may want to raplace it with another word, like "niece" (daughter of your sibling), or "cousin sister" (a female cousin of your own generation)  
  
3. "And that lipstick had cost $50". You should only use past simple here.  
4. "sorry" is an adjective, so "sorry me" is grammatically wrong. You should rewrite this sentence, for an example, "apologized to me"  
5. "Sha had paid me...". Again, please use past simple here
I believe that you are writing this for a creative writing class. So you should be writing at least 250 descriptive words for this essay. While this is an acceptable draft, it still lacks in so many ways. You have to remember that when you are asked to write about a bad day, you should set up the story before you get to the climax. So, the writing format should follow something like this:  
  
Par. 1: The background of your day. What was it like? Talk about the whole day. Start from when you woke up. Did you already have an idea that your day was only going to get worse? Why?  
  
Par. 2: Build up to the climax. If there were a series of events that led to the bad day, then discuss the build up. If there was none, then talk about the almost perfect day and why you were disappointed by the way the rest of the day went.  
  
Par. 3: Finally, talk about the bad day. Build up the event for the reader. Make it exciting and interesting. Your writing right now needs more character and depth. Talk about the habit of your sister, if you often broke into your room and how you often reacted. What made your reaction this time different?  
  
Par. 4: Talk about the after effect of the bad day. How did you feel? What did you want to do to your sister? How did you deal with the situation? Were there repercussions for her? What punishments?  
  
Par. 5: Concluding presentation. Talk about the bad day. Reflect on what happened. What did you learn about yourself? Your sister? How you react to situations? Things like that.  
  
If you revise the essay to be livelier and if you work on creating more interesting characters and backgrounds, your presentation should improve tremendously.
## speaking beyond the mother tongue

  
  
Being monolingual in today's world may do little harm to a speaker; however, those mastering more than one language does have an edge over monolingual speakers. In order to adapt to the current setting in which globalization is happening so rapidly and explore miscellaneous cultural aspects expressed through languages, one should aim to venture beyond their mother tongue.  
  
The first benefit of knowing many languages is relatively self-explanatory: that is being able to communicate with various corners of the world. This applies to not only leisure activities such as travelling but also to working and collaborating. In fact, being bilingual or multilingual is now a plus for promotion candidates or for job interviewees. Furthermore, access to materials is more open than ever when people can read in different languages. To better understand this point, simply think about fantastic foreign books and movies that are not subtitled yet . That is when we aspire to be fluent in those languages.  
  
Second, languages reflect cultures, and each language is a different lens through which people look at life. In other words, the more languages people know, the richer and deeper their life experiences may get. Cultural aspects such as belief, values and perceptions are demonstrated explicitly in their respective languages. For example, in Chinese, while the word "xin" is commonly translated into the "heart", yet it also means the mind and emotions. That is to say, in Chinese culture, the heart as we know it is not only a physical one, it is also a mental representation of emotional world, the will and desires of a person and the wisdom. In other cultures, rarely does the "heart" mean this much if not influenced by the Chinese. A further implication of this is that those learning foreign languages might have access to a set of beliefs and concepts that do not exist or are obscure in their culture. Through this process, they may come to respect cultural diversity as well as appreciate the unique features of their culture.  
  
To conclude, I truly believe that bilingualism or multilingualism eases people into the process of globalization and brings about a variety of cultural perspectives that one may not be acquainted with in their mother tongue. Therefore, much more emphasis should be placed on teaching foreign languages.