dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## IELTS task 2: agree & disagree essay

  
  
Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which caused many health problems. Sugary products should be made More expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?  
  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.  
  
A significant number of people assume that high-sugar food and drink products should be sold for higher prices, because of the amount of sugar which are harmful to consumers' health. I strongly disagree with this opinion for some valid evidence.  
  
First, it is an arduous task to increase the prices of the goods which are too familiar with people like soft drink and fast food. There are plenty of factors involved when the prices alter, and they can be detrimental to providers. Hence, if a company accepts to do this, they cannot push the price too much or customers will abandon the brand. For this reason, consumers still can buy sugary food with a little higher cost. For example, COVID-19 pandemic, the moment when ingredients' costs became more expensive than anytime, made some corporations raise their goods' costs. However, many people still buy their products both for sympathetic with their conditions and for their royalty to sugary food, as long as they are not to dear.  
  
Moreover, that a brand levels up the costs of their products will be counterproductive. A more luxurious kind of high-sugar food can attract more buyers who have enough financial situations to consume it. Therefore, sugary food and drink will not only be spread but also get opportunities to have a wide-open to the bigger market. For instance, 3 years ago, strong bowl, a type of soft drink still was unfamiliar with people in Vietnam, succeed in becoming popular thanks to a smart advertising plan which concentrated on its value based on the higher cost compared to others drinks.  
  
In conclusion, instead of attempting to raise the cost of products, we should find out a method to change customers' habit and let them understand about disadvantages when digesting a lot of surgery food.
The prompt does not require an emotional response because it is not an extent essay (To what extent...) Use the appropriate response method per question. Use a simple and straightforward response unless otherwise instructed.  
  
There are several word usage issues that affect the clarity of what should be a strong response and reasoning presentation. Presenting evidence is different from presenting reasons. The instruction is to present supported reasons. This is where wason varies from evidence :  
  
Evidence - that which tends to prove or disprove something; ground for belief; proof.  
  
The word relates more to example presentations. The essay asks for reasons :  
  
Reason - a statement presented in justification or explanation of a belief or action:  
  
Your statement response would have benefitted more if you had used both sequence words to address the 2 discussion supporting presentations.  
  
The reasoning and example paragraphs tend to be too wordy when it comes to the discussion but the word presentations always move the essay forward. While there are a few less than clear thought presentations, the succeeding discussion explanations help to clarify the previous presentation.  
  
Please make sure to use capital letters when referring to product names as per word capitalization rules. Good job with this presentation, it is more than likely, a passing essay but not high scoring due to the casting presentation issues.
**Topic:  
*The maps below show a coal mine and its redevelopment into a visitor attraction site.*  
## Summarise, report main features and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
***My Writing:***  
  
The maps illustrate a development plan of a visitor attraction landmark on an existing site that was previously utilized as a coal mine.  
  
According to the illustration, the original coal mine included various sites. To the north was the coal mine entrance; staff dressing rooms and lunch room situated on its left. In the opposite direction, there were two waste sites located on the east side of the mine.  
  
There are some significant changes to the site that intended to augment its walkability and entertainment. First, some of the buildings were renovated and converted to serve different purposes. The entrance was transformed into a tourist entrance while the medical center on the west became a coffee shop. Similarly, the partial wall between the staff change rooms and lunch room was torn down to function as a public museum for visitors.  
  
Second, some sites underwent mass demolition. More specially, both waste sites on the east and northeast were overhauled and displaced by a driving circuit and a pond.  
  
Lastly, it is clearly seen that some new features were added to the new-developed visitor attraction site. The walking track was constructed, enhanced the circulation in the site by creating a pathway from the north of the driving circuit to the center of the park. Furthermore, the site also considered having children playgrounds on the southeast of the park.  
  
*   
*The maps below show a coal mine and its redevelopment into a visitor attraction site.*
The essay is over-written at 226 words. It cannot be completed properly within 20 minutes. The writer will cut into the Task 2 writing time if the proper proofreading, editing, and finalization process will be applied to an essay of this length. 150-200 words would be more than sufficient for their task. 175 words is the most appropriate word count. Not too long, not too short. sufficient enough for the remaining editing time.  
  
The number of images must be identified and tagged in the summary. The tag will help keep the reader on track when the image content is discussed in the paragraphs. The first is identified as a coal mine. How should the new site be tagged based on its entertainment purpose? It was called a Visitor Attraction Site in the image. This reference can be used once at the start then varied throughout the presentation.  
  
A 2 image comparison is done over 4 paragraphs. The 5 paragraph presentation is used only when required in the Task 2 presentation. Do not mix-up the paragraph formats due to writing time constraints. Task 1 essays are always brief in presentation style.
***Topic:  
The best way to ensure the growth of children is to make parents take parenting courses.***  
## Do you agree or disagree?

  
  
Making parents take parenting courses is considered as the key factor behind the growth of children. Personally, I disagree with this idea because I strongly believe that other factors are equally important.  
  
On the one hand, there is a widely held view among parents that parenting courses furnish them with the knowledge of children's growth. This would enable parents to get a closer insight into signals and expressions throughout each phase of children's development so that they can take care of their babies far better. Additionally, those courses foster a sense of security for parents. Having some changes weekly such as getting tense and testy or crying is inevitable, but it makes parents extremely worried if they are not well-informed that such changes are a part of growing up. Thus, it is pivotal for parents to take up parenting courses.  
  
Nevertheless, despite the benefits of parenting courses, I am convinced that the growth of children is influenced by other factors. Initially, the amount of time spent on their children by parents is far more concerning. It is no doubt true that parents' devoting their time to their children may affect children's abilities and emotions and behaviors as well. Further and even more important, though how parents cultivate their children plays a dominant role. While children whose parents are patient with their false tend to behave well, the opposite was true for those whose parents use physical punishments for their wrongdoings.  
  
By way of conclusion, although parenting courses are beneficial to parents due to the above-mentioned reasons, I strongly believe that parents should take their time and educate children into equal consideration.
The topic restatement does not use enough alternative word references to be considered an accurate rewrite. It can still be viewed as a memorization of the original presentation. Avoid using/ retaining any original keywords. Good work on delivering a clear opinion based on the response choices. Bad work in the reasoning paragraphs.  
  
The single opinion explanation should have been maintained in the reasoning paragraphs. That is to help expand on the clarity of your opinion as well as create a coherent and cohesive discussion presentation overall.  
  
Unrelated discussions that alter your stated opinion will not be considered. Such references will result in a confusing opinion that will lower the score due to a now confusing opinion. It will also create a little developeexplanation of the actual opinion, possibly resulting in a lower than expected score.  
  
Next time, develop the single supported opinion only.
***Nowadays it is not only large companies that can make films. Digital technology enables anyone to produce films.***  
## Do you think it is positive or negative development?

  
  
Essay  
With the rapid development of technological advancements, movies could not only be produced by large firms but can also be created by any ordinary person. In my point of view, this phenomenon could be both positive and negative developments.  
  
Regarding positive aspects of digital development, there are several plausible explanations that could be used to advocate the view. Normal people living in the past could not join in producing any types of cinematic entertainments because of gigantic financial requirements for art productions. With the support of advanced digital, the cost of production has been significantly decreased, allowing people from low and medium incomes to participate. For instance, by simply using a smartphone, people can easily generate homemade films with their own ideas and could incidentally become famous in some cases for their talent. As a result, digital development can boost human mental health by fulfilling their wishes and making them satisfied with their life.  
  
On the other hand, the advanced technology of digital could be responsible for its negative effect. In the way of easily producing and uploading people's homemade movies on the internet, many unverified items frequently cause a range of problems relating to sexual content, violence, or morality. Take Vietnam as an example. In recent years, many people who create homemade films for their own purposes were punished by the government because of their inappropriate content such as stimulating other's actions, accents, or habits in order to embarrass and bully others in front of the public eyes. Consequently, several cases of suicide because of such bullying could be a detrimental impact on rapidly developing digital technology.  
  
In conclusion, the development of digital could be both negative and positive and I strongly believe that such advancements need some legal restrictions to prevent their drawbacks and would be further developed because of its advantages.
This is a single opinion essay. The writing requirement is that off a single choice response due to the "or" representation for the answer. "Or" represents a co-relation of the words positive or negative. That is why a decision must be made to support just one side of the discussion. Of course the topic has positive and negative considerations. However, you are being asked to explain which side one believes in more and why. Based on scoring considerations, this essay fails in 2 aspects:  
  
- Lack of a clear opinion in relation to the question and possible responses provided;  
- Response that is not related to the task.  
  
The foremost considerations in scoring this type of work are :  
  
- clarity of opinion based on a single response choice;  
- proper response formatting in relation to the provided question.  
  
Failive to address these points can prevent the written piece mom receiving a passing score.
## the bar chart analysis

  
  
The bar chart indicates the percentage of male and female teachers in six different types of educational setting in the UK in 2010.It shows what percentage of teachers were male and what percentage were female.  
  
As we can see, at schools for children, the percentage of teachers were female - dominated. This was particularly true of pre - school and primary school. Whilst the percentage of male teachers in pre - school was under 5 per cent , that of female teachers was over 95 per cent. The same situation happened in primary school, where over 90 per cent of teachers were woman.  
  
Men and woman were more equally represented in teaching institutions for older children and young adults.For instance, the percentage of male lecturers and that of female lecturers were both 50 per cent in College.  
  
Men predominated in higher - level institutions. This was especially true for Universities , where males were twice as many as females.  
In short,women were more likely to hold the role of teaching young children .Whilst men tended to teach in higher - level institutions,especially Universities.  
  
*
In the summary, there is a mention of etypes but without proper listing of the 6 in relation to context. In relation to the content of the summary, the trending statement should come earlier in the paper since it makes an analytical summary of the data. It is misplaced at the end of the presentation.  
  
That is not to say that one cannot present the trend at the very end. It may be done.However, for better scoring purposes, the writer must learn to identify when and where to properly place the said trend.  
  
The paragraphs do not contain the s number of sentences per presentation. In academic writing, a paragraph needs at least 3 sentences. For this test, the standard is 3-5 sentences. Each paragraph written here only presents data but does not contain an acceptable analysis ofinformation due to lack of paragraph development. An additional sentence per paragraph would have fired that.  
  
By the way, a single image reference needs only a 3 paragraph presentation. 4 paragraphs best apply to 2 image comparisons.
## a solution for the huge number of cars on roads

  
  
It is common belief that the governments should put a tax on individual car owners and invest the amount of money to develop the quality of public transportation. However, it is true that this solution is a controversial opinion due to its benefits and drawbacks.  
  
On the one hand, the heavy taxes would make people probably use public transport instead, such as buses,... Additionally they would pay attention to the pollution level caused by their car exhaust fumes, which have a devastating impact on our climate. With this solution, the government could also limit the time and routes that cars are allowed to take to decrease traffic jams in rush hours. Thus, the money from car owners who violate the tax could be used to improve and develop the infrastructure. It will definitely decrease traffic congestion and pollution and high taxes would generate enough money to make essential changes.  
  
However, that solution is not completely beneficial, there are some negative aspects that should be taken into consideration. As a matter of fact, taxes are already high these days so that it would be a heavy burden on car owners. In addition, with a fixed amount of money, it seems to be too high to those people who could not afford to pay, while the rich ones certainly could . As a results, inhabitants' lives would become harder, and several people would not pay the taxes. This solution could be a double-edged sword and might not be used as a long-term plan; it perhaps reduces residents' quality of life.  
  
To sum up, although this aforementioned solution is worth considering to improve the current situation, there still exist some noteworthy disadvantages.
The prompt does not require a true or false response from the writer. Therefore, a statement of validity is not required and thus, will not receive any scoring merit. Respond only as instructed to do so. Added information of the irrelevant kind will not have any scoring consideration. A mere restatement of the instruction would have been better. The restatement is good, but includes non-essential data which will lower its sectional score.  
  
Rather than indicating a comparative phrase of "on the one hand", a clearer reference to the discussion focus of the paragraph would be more helpful to the presentation. Clearly indicate if the advantage or disadvantage will be discussed in the first sentence would be best. This creates the clarity of discussion as required per paragraph:  
  
*Topic sentence + reference to A or D = Clear discussion paragraph path*  
  
Punctuation marks are never used consecutively in a sentence. These may only be used as a thought seperator in the middle and end of a sentence. A comma can never be followed by ellipses. That shows unfamiliarity with punctuation usage /guidelines, for which penalties shall be applied.  
  
The concluding paragraph is not completely developed. It is less than 40 words and does not really recapitulate the previous presentation. it is nota true summary in the sense of the word.  
  
While the discussion does show merit based on the writer's understanding of the topic, there are still several instances for improvement that can benefit the final score of the presentation.
## Sports contribution to the growth of society

  
  
There is an argument that whether sports can be a crucial factor in the development of society or just as recreational activities. To my conviction, sports can count towards a healthy and thriving country  
  
One of the main reasons is that sports can maintain and spread nation prestige in terms of strength. For example, those athletes who enter sports events with the best award will have coverage media worldwide, which can then stimulate economic growth. Another additional benefit is that increasing engagement in sports activities will facilitate some members of the community more employment opportunities. For instance, more sellers of sports equipment, sports trainers, and sports tourism. Furthermore, while people tend to indulge themselves in a sedentary lifestyle, it can be a solution that raises awareness and embraces public health  
  
On the other hand, there are two main reasons why people consider sports as a mere option for pleasure. The first reason is that people do not fully understand the beneficial effects sports confer on both personal and societal levels. Besides, sports can reveal stress, it involves preventing people from potential diseases like Cardiovascular, obesity and provide people with a longer life expectancy. Another reason for this trend is that people assume their job takes priority over sports as work payment can maintain their living standard. Hence, those people rarely engage in sports activities unless there is free time or sports bring benefits to their career prospects  
  
In conclusion, although sports seem to be less significant in terms of contributing to the growth of society, I believe that sports can have their value
The discussion instruction is to write an analytical opinion of both views before giving your personal opinion. So the discussion must be presented within 3 analysis paragraphs:  
  
- sports develops society  
- sports for liesure  
- personal opinion ( healthy and thriving economy)  
  
Though the essay is engaging and informative, there is a specific discussion format and topic requirement per paragraph. Athough the essay meets the word requirement, the general discussion format is not applicable to this presentation. The point of view presented does not identify itself in terms of giangs pronoun representation. The explanations should clearly apply to or identify a group point of view prior to the writer's perspective paragraph.
Hi @Daisy23  
  
**There is an argument** I think you can use present perfect here, it is not an error but it will help you in term of grammatical range that whether ...  
  
... and thriving country (don't forget the period at the end of the sentence.  
  
... in terms of strength love your main ideas.  
  
On the other hand (I am not sure but sometimes people don't consider "on the other hand" an academic phrase. I think you can simply use "Conversely" or "In contrast", there are two main ...  
  
... with a longer life expectancy you have very good use of vocabulary. Nice!.  
  
..., I believe that sports can have their value the conclusion ends abruptly to me
## persuading children to buy things

  
  
**Some advertisers have increased the amount of money they spend trying to persuade children to buy snacks, toys and other goods. Parents object to such pressure on their children, but advertisers claim there is useful information in these advertisements.  
  
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.**  
  
In general, advertising has increasingly played a vital role in improving product sales over the past decades. While it is a popular belief that commercials negatively influence children, advertisers would argue that they broaden customers' minds. In my opinion, I agree with the second view due to their supply of varied essential information.  
  
Without a doubt, through advertisements, people are informed about major safety details. To be specific, they would be aware of manuals and danger warnings of the goods, which does not only instruct viewers to use the products effectively but also educate them on how to avoid varied accidents, such as electrical fires or system errors. On the other hand, varying people argue that advertisers spend more time exaggerating how quality their manufacture is than informing so-called crucial safety information in their commercials. However, the government has increasingly restricted such overstatement before allowing it to be publicized, therefore, it is inevitable that advertising significantly contributes to expanding customers' knowledge.  
  
Furthermore, commercialization effectively informs people about the costs to consider before buying the goods. Undoubtedly, customers always want to buy the most affordable and quality products, hence, they expect advertisers to tell them about the prices and discounts. Marketing companies do emphasize how inexpensive their products could be and how economical buying them is. Meanwhile, discounts are considered temporary or available with certain hidden conditions, as a result, many would say that advertising only persuades children to buy their goods without fully equipping them with necessary details. However, the authority also verifies such information more carefully and enhances advertisers to inform more correct news about their products.  
  
In conclusion, due to important safety details and price information provided by commercials, I believe advertising plays a fundamental part in providing people with useful knowledge. It is also recommended that the government should regulate irresponsible advertisers more strictly to benefit the customers even more.  
  
Hello, this is my essay and I am really looking forward to seeing your feedback and suggestions.  
  
(To the moderators) By the way, I was reported to plagiarize the comments and I would be sorry for that. I am not sure but maybe because I have seen similar mistakes, so I commented quite like you guys. But I promise to have more useful comments, so I hope to be forgiven. Thanks a lot!