dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
A comparison of the information about the percentage of initial-year teachers from recruitment of teachers according to the year of graduation in Ontario is shown in this line chart between 2001 and 2007. Overall, the proportion of first-year teachers of France language was higher than English language. There was a downward trend in the percentage of English language teachers while in contrast, the proportion of France language teachers went up slightly.  
  
2001 witnessed more than 70% of fresh graduated was recruited became France language teachers. The percentage of teacher in this subject fluctuated from 2001 and 2003. The proportion of this teachers inclined by 3% from 67% in 2003 to 70% in 2005. Then, there had been a rise of 5% to a peak at 75% in 2007.  
  
The percentage of English language teachers stood at 72% in 2001. There was a dramatic decreased to 40% in 2003. This followed by a slight rose to 45% three years later. Finally, the proportion teacher in this subject plunged to a small number under 30% in 2007.  
  
*
Hello,  
  
... this subject fluctuated from 2001 and[to..... from>>to....] 2003.  
... 70% of fresh graduated [that]because you use two verb in a sentence, so it need conjunction was recruited became France language teachers  
2001 witnessed more than 70% of fresh graduated was recruited ... >>[ time + witnessed + adjective + noun + in + noun]  
  
Gluck :D
Hello Beauty!  
  
... in Ontario is shown in ~~this~~ the line chart between 2001 and 2007.  
  
*2001 witnessed more than 70% of fresh graduated was recruited became France language teachers*.  
For starting information, you should "stood at". Your sentence show increasing but it is the first data.  
  
... teachers inclined by**3% from 67% in 2003 to 70% in 2005**. Then, there had been a rise **of 5% to a peak at 75%**in 2007.  
Too much number, it will better if you say how much something changed or what has changed  
The percentage of teacher in this subject fluctuated between 2001 and 2003. The proportion of this teachers inclined by 3 percent from 2003 to 2005. Then, the number of french teachers reached a peak at 75% in 2007.  
  
Keep practice to make it perfect :)
*The chart below shows information about the problems people have when they go to live in other countries. summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make the comparisons where relevant.*  
  
The bar chart gives information about the difficulties that people face when they move to overseas based on the group of age. Overall, in the middle age, people have more severe problems than the other ages. Pursuing education for children are the smallest problems for all age. In the last two groups of age, most people get health life as hardest.  
  
Based on the graph, financial problems is slight increase from young people to middle people by just under 35 percent - 35 percent exactly. However, it fell to under 30% in old people.  
  
Healthy as the most problems people get in the middle age with just under 40%. It is also difficult to old residents with just above 35 percent. However, the percentage of the young residents is 30.  
  
Education for children is easy for old people to face with only just under 5 percent. It is also not hard for young people with just above 5%. However, in the middle age find that it is a big problem with the percentage is more than 35. 176w  
  
*
Hi Anna,  
  
... about the difficulties ~~that~~which people face when ...  
... children are the ~~smallest~~least problems for all age.  
  
..., financial problems ~~is~~show a slight increase from ...  
However, it ~~fell~~falls to under 30% in oldEST people.  
  
It ~~is~~ also ~~difficult~~becomes an issue to old residents with ...  
  
Education for children is an easy problem for old people to...  
  
- do not explain all the problems one by one. grouping the chart will help you to explain clearly the graph.  
- try to use different patterns of sentences in the essay.  
Hopefully it helps.
Hi Anna,  
  
Here's my thoughts towards your report summary. I hope this would be helpful.  
  
1st paragraph:  
- ...when they move to overseas based on ~~the group of age~~three different age groups.  
- Overall, it can be seen that~~in the middle age, people~~people in the middle age group have more severe problems than ~~the~~ other ages.  
  
- Pursuing education for children ~~are~~is the smallest ~~problems~~problem~~for~~among all age groups .  
- In the last two ~~groups of age~~age groups , ~~most people get health life as hardest.~~ finding healthcare center is the most ..... (it is hard to imagine the situation without any charts provided)  
  
2nd paragraph:  
- ~~Based on the graph~~To begin with , financial problems ~~is slight~~slightly increase from young people to middle ~~people~~age group~~by~~at just under/approximately 35 percent ~~- 35 percent exactly~~ . (mentioning "based on the graph" would be redundant. You've already mentioned it in the introduction paragraph)  
  
- However, ~~it~~ the percentage ~~fell~~of older people age group falls down to~~under~~below 30%. ~~in old people.~~  
  
As you can see Anna, several inputs and remarks have already been delivered clearly. I hope this can be helpful towards your future practices. Good luck :)
Hi anna, I'm trying to find some errors  
1. Pursuing education for children ~~are~~is the smallest problems for all age  
Because only one subject, so use singular verb, are ----> is  
2. ... increase from young people to middle people by just under 35 percent - 35 percent  
Where is the changing in young people? The first is 35 percent and the second is 35 percent. It means steady.  
3. ... people get in the middle age ~~with~~to just under 40%  
To say the level something reached, use a verb + to
Hello Anna!  
Allow me to give you some suggestion.  
  
Be careful to use "slight increase" in comparison graph. The graph do not show changing of something, but it shows comparison of information.  
  
... financial problems is **slight increase** from young people to  
  
...middle people by **just under 35 percent - 35 percent** about 35 percent.  
Redundant  
  
Healthy as the most ~~problems~~ problem people get ...  
Superlative refers to singular, the only one.  
  
Keep practice to make it perfect :)
**Writing Task 1 hal 16 (Integration problem for people living abroad)**  
  
A comparison of the percentage of kind difficulties for people who move to other countries according to people's ages is shown in this bar chart. Overall, persons in middle age have most problematic in a new country, while finding schools for children become the lowest percentage of problem than others for all aged.  
  
The problem of accomplishing finance is the highest percentage for people aged 18-34. There is a slight increased of this problem proportion in people aged 35-54 to 35%. For oldest people, it decreased suddenly to under 30%.  
  
The completing health care becomes a problem for 33% in early aged. However, it is the greatest problem for people in middle aged and over 55, more than 35% for both.  
  
The proportion of problem of finding schools for children is more than 5% for young people. There was a dramatic increase of this problem in people aged 35-54 to 17%. Then, for elderly people, this problem becomes the less with small number only 2%.  
  
*
Hi Meireza,  
  
Here's my analysis of your report summary. I hope you can follow through.  
  
1st paragraph:  
- A comparison of the information about the percentage of various kind of difficulties for people (...) according to ~~people's ages~~three different age groups is shown in ~~this~~the bar chart.  
  
- Overall, it can be seen that persons in middle age group have the most problematic problem in a new country (...) percentage of problem than ~~others for all aged~~other age groups .  
  
Meireza, complete the way that you present the information in the overview / introduction of your essay. You accidentally created only two sentences in what was otherwise a very strong start to your essay. Your **mistake** was compressing the information into the two sentences you presented. Format your opening statement into at least three sentences this way:  
  
*A comparison of the information... (1st sentence)  
Overall, it can be seen that... (2nd sentence)  
Meanwhile, finding schools for... (3rd sentence)*  
  
As you can see, the third paragraph of your essay also has the same problem. If you don't serve up the information from the chart in the proper way within the essay, you will badly damage your final grade in the essay. Therefore, avoiding this mistake in the next practice would be beneficial towards the development of your writing later on.  
  
Hope this helps :)
**Writing Task 1 - Problems people have when they go to live in other countries.**  
  
The chart shows information about the problems for people who come to visit another country according to the age. Overall, it can be seen that people in the middle age group have the highest problem over all activities and searching school for their children is the lowest problems. Besides that, finding healthcare has the highest from middle age to older age.  
  
The greatest problem for young people aged 18-34 is getting finances. The percentage is 38 percent of this problem. However, only 35 percent of 35-54 is hard to gain finances, whereas 27 percent of people aged over 55 have this problem.  
  
Thirty-four percent people have the problem how to get healthcare in the young age. And then get higher than before of 34 percent. At the end, it is a decrease to 28 percent in the older age.  
  
Searching school for people's children is 6 percent, while in the middle age is the highest of 18 percent and in the older age is the lowest fewer than 5 percent.  
  
*   
*Question*
Hi Mardian,  
  
1st paragraph:  
- The bar chart shows the information about (...) according to ~~the~~three different age groups.  
- ... highest problem over all activities while the lowest problem is searching school for their children.~~and searching school for their children is the lowest problems.~~  
  
- ~~Besides that~~Moreover , finding healthcare has the highest percentage ranging from middle age to older age group .  
  
Wait, are you sure that this is the correct diagram? I am sure that there are three variables there. Those are "Making friends" , "finding somewhere to live" , and "learning the local language" . However, your variables are "searching school for children" , "getting finances" , and "how to get healthcare" . Your data do not even close to the data given in the chart. I suggest you to re-upload the picture or just simply post a revision below this thread instead of creating a new one to avoid suspension.  
  
Hope this helps :)
*Hi Mardian.  
Welcome to Essay Forum. You have been a right website to improve your skill so that you are supposed to harness as well as possible.  
  
let me finalize your writing throughout my thoughts.*  
  
The chart shows information about the problems for people who ~~come to visit~~ MOVE TO another country according to the THREE DIFFERENT age GROUPS.  
  
he middle age group have the highest problem over all activities  
*(Be careful to decide a general trend. In my point of view, each problem dominates in different groups. Pay attention to appropriate information because if you display the data inappropriately, your score can fall down to 5. The overview is one of essential elements in the writing task 1)*  
  
~~The~~ ITS percentage is 38 percent of ~~this problem~~ TOTAL OF MEMBERS IN THIS GROUP. However, only 35 percent of THE GROUP OF 35-54 YEARS is hard to gain ...  
  
~~And~~ AFTER THAT, THE FIGURE ~~then~~ getS higher than ...  
~~At the end~~ LASTLY, it is a decrease**(Don't use the language of change in this case because these figures are different)** to 28 percent ...  
  
~~Searching~~*(Make you sure that what you write is what you mind. be careful of paraphrasing)* FINDING THE school for people's children (...) age is the highest PROPORTION REPRESENTING ~~of~~ AT 18 percent and ...  
  
*Hopefully, those can help you to get the points of the writing task 1  
I really believe you can master this skill if you wanna provide more time to practice more and more.  
Keep spirit  
GOOD LUCK*
Hi mardian,  
  
... 18-34 is getting finances at 38 percent . T~~he percentage is 38 percent of this problem~~ .  
  
And then get a higher number than before of 34 percent. At the end, it ~~is a~~decreased slightly to 28 percent ...  
  
- For an overview it better not to discuss the lowest number. Discuss the main features.  
- Do not explain all the number, do grouping to make a clear explanation.  
  
Hopefully it helps
**Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this proble.  
To what extent do you agree with this statement?**  
  
Nowadays, children can do whatever they want, especially for bad things in daily life. As a result, parents and schools have to anticipate children's attitude to prevent negative effect that will come to their life particularly for getting food.  
  
Most children love trying something new just to decrease their curiosity. They always buy food on the street where there are many unhealthy foods. For instance, In Indonesia, children usually buy candy which is made by local people and it contains plenty of dust because it is sold next to main road. As a result, even the cost is cheap; children will get sick because of dirty food. Therefore, children should buy food in the right place and they need control from schools and parents to find where the best place or better shop to buy food.  
  
On one hand, controlling children to get some foods are given by schools and parents. Parents can make food and give it to children and then they will bring it to school. In addition, school must selective to choose whether food can be sold in school or not. For instance, kinder garden student always bring their meal to school to prevent buying food in shoal. The other example is school trying one by one food to make sure the condition of the food and make a punishment to prevent unhealthy food existing in school. However, parents and schools have the biggest contribution to make sure there is no bad food in school.  
  
To sum up, it seems that negative lifestyle for children especially about meal can be reduced by the nearest environment, such as, schools and parents. In my view, school have to give explanation about the dangerous food to human body and make a regulation to limit the number of sellers in school and to control the nutrition food. Besides, parents should always give advice to children about how to know clean food and describe the effect for bad food.  
  
**(327 Words)**
hii...  
  
Nowadays, children can do whatever they want,...  
  
***when i read the question and i compare to your overview, it is very different. So, i hope you paraphrase the question carefully because it can be produce other meanings. Also, i do not find your task response in the firs paragraph. Although, you can mention in the las paragraph, but i will be better, if you mention it earlier.***  
  
They always buy food on the street where there are many unhealthy foods.**(it is unclear explanation, you must explain more details, why do you say that)**  
  
**Your main idea in this paragraph different from the question, So i hope in the next writing, please be careful to take one example. Thank you**
Hello, Mardian :)  
Let me give some advice for your writing.  
  
*Having read the entire essay, I could not find your position regard to this topic.  
The prompt asks "Do you agree whether schools and parents are blamed for unhealthy activities in the way children life or not?"  
If you agree/disagree with this issue, why?  
  
Picking up some your idea in the essay, I offer an alternative.  
In this case, I agree with the initiative issue and I am talking about eating junk food as the unhealthy lifestyle.  
**Idea:** School authorities have real power to determine which kind of food consumed by pupils.  
**Reason:** This is because they can select the appropriate menu which is provided in canteens.  
**Example:** There are many scientific facts regard to this idea, or you can put your own experience.  
Also, provide the results or consequence to strengthen your idea.*
***Global warming is one of the biggest threats humans face in the 21st Century and sea levels are continuing to rise at alarming rates. What problems are associated with this and what are some possible solutions***  
  
People around the world had been so familiar with the global warming phenomenon and how the sea levels had reached the alarming rates. The flood that is inundated the coastal area is the problem caused by the increasing sea levels and the workable solution to tackle this threat is constructing the flood barriers.  
  
The watery catastrophe had been the acute problem faced by many people. Inundation is the effect of global warming that melts the glossaries and ice caps in Greenland and Antarctica, hence it increases the sea levels and flood is the big impact of it. The devastation of flood forces the people who life in the coastal areas relocating their habitats and surely will cause the poverty of the people. It is shown that the increase of ocean levels that cause flood will bring a dangerous impact for the coastal inhabitants.  
  
The workable solution to prevent the inundation by sea levels is building flood barriers such as floodgates, dams and dikes. It can be constructed along of the coastal areas, thus helps the flood does not reach the inhabitant since the waterways are limited to reach the population areas. This solution had been implemented by Netherland for a long time ago and it totally works to prevent the tidal waves from floodwaters.  
  
To conclude, the retaining construction is such a useful solutions to block the waterways pushing the population area hence the flood caused by the increase ocean levels that becomes the most frighten threat can be prevented.
Hi Russel. Well, this certainly looks like it would score another 6 in an actual exam. You have proven to have an ability to properly understand the prompt. The method by which you present your opinion and discussion has a semblance of organization and it is evident that you did your best to outline the topics for discussion prior to writing the essay. As such, your essay has a fluid flow of thought. The only clear problem with your essay is that you sometimes use the wrong word when describing something you want to share. For example, in the following sentence, " Inundation is the effect of global warming", while inundation is the aftermath of a flood, the proper term to have used would have been "Flooding". I understand that you want to impress the reviewer by using more complex vocabulary. However, you have to study or have the ability to realize when to use certain terms and if the term is applicable to a certain meaning that you want to relay. This is not a bad effort. In fact, it is an impressive effort on your part. I am looking forward to seeing your further improvement in the coming days.
Hi Caca!  
  
I think it is better for you to state what is your solution in your overview in the first paragraph.  
  
Because the question ask about problems and solutions, you should give ideas more than one for both of them. You can write it in the second and third paragraph.  
  
As for the examples, please at least give one example related to the idea which can help you to boost your score.  
  
In the conclusion, my suggestion to paraphrase your idea not only one paragraph but two of them.
***Many children these have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?***  
  
Nowadays, owing to trend, many people especially children tend to have an unhealthy habit. Although some people argue that both schools and parents share equal responsibility from this problem, I am more likely to against this notion since parents are fully responsible to tackle this issue from children lives.  
  
There is no doubt, parents, as main educators, can easily influence their kids to be more health. This is because parents are closer to children than others. Also, they have the most time with their children to accommodate and teach them how to live better. Taking an example, when I was a child, my mother always made me healthy food before going to school. Also, my father got me to take a walk every weekend about 500 meters in length. In accordance with the recent study, from 200 children investigated, 73 percent of them are influenced by their parents' habits including healthy lifestyle. In short, parents are the most crucial factors to be a role model for their children.  
  
On the other hand, schools should not be responsible for children's bad habits. It is because schools are primary aim is focus on academics and learning improvement. Much time teachers have spent for trying some methods to encourage students' skills and understanding. Therefore, teachers have time no time anymore to control what children consume and how they do in their free time.  
  
To sum up, I believe only parents are the main keys to prevent them from an unhealthy lifestyle. Teachers can only encourage children in short time, so they cannot control them fully. I would like to suggest parents to maximize their efforts to make their kids healthier.  
  
**(277 words)**
Hi Ilham,  
  
Here's my analysis towards your IELTS writing task 2 essay. I hope you can follow through.  
  
1st paragraph:  
- I can notice that in this paragraph you have successfully delivered your argument clearly. Plus, there is no serious grammatical issues. Good job for this paragraph  
  
2nd paragraph:  
- ...can easily ~~influence~~enjoy, have | look after, maintain | improve | promote | recover, regain | nurse sb back to | damage, harm, ruin, undermine | risk(this is the list of verbs that can be collocated with health because health is not something that can be influenced) their kids to be more healthy / healthier(without more) .  
  
- Also, they have ~~the most time~~most of their time with their children (...) teach them how to **live better.**(unclear statement, what do you mean by "live better"? it seems quite ambiguous.)  
  
- ...my mother always ~~made me healthy food~~cooked a healthy food for me before...  
- ~~Also~~(repetitive)Furthermore , my father ~~got me to~~used to take a walk with me every weekend for about 500 meters~~in length~~ . ("meter" is already indicated the length, stating "length" would be redundant)  
  
- ~~In accordance with the recent study,~~(in my opinion, it is better to choose one of the examples that you've provided. Giving an example about yourself is already adequate. Instead of adding "recent study", you can write "the implication" of your example.)  
  
As you can see Ilham, I did focus on the first and the second paragraph of your essay. I left the third and the last paragraph to be proofread by anyone in this forum. Good luck for the next essay practice :)
~~Nowadays,~~ owing to trend, ~~many people especially~~ children tend to have ~~an~~ unhealthy habits .  
  
~~Although~~ some people argue (...) equal responsibility ~~from~~for this problem,  
  
... to tackle this issue ~~from children lives.~~  
  
... influence their kids to ~~be more~~promotehealthy life .  
  
Also, they ~~have the most time~~spend much more time on~~with~~ their children to ...  
  
... mother always made ~~me~~ healthy food for me before i was going to school.  
In short, parents are the ~~most~~ crucial factors to be ...  
  
... schools are primary aim is to focus on academics ...