dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Minh, there are instances when writing that the composer of the text needs to use simpler language to create a well written sentence. In the case of "... taxpayers frequently use", the more appropriate word to use is "often" as the latter word makes the text easier to understand and respond to on the reader's side.  
  
Using concise language also pays off better for the writer as it delivers a more appropriate and formal discussion presentation. That is the situation in the reference to; "As a consequence the number of cars..." The more acceptable presentation is "Therefore, the number of cars" or "Consequently, the number of cars..."  
  
Also consider using more descriptive adjectives such as "monetary loss" instead of " financial loss". Remember, the simple English expressions, when done properly can earn you a higher score than trying to show off using complex words that cause undue stress for the reader.  
  
Try to use more concise language in your essay as well. For example, when you say "the authority should spend..." there is a lack of proper reference as to who the "authority" is. However, had you said "the national government should spend..." the reader immediately knows who the authority being referenced is. These types of small word choice clarity presentation results in more cohesive paragraphs.  
  
Your prompt paraphrase is incomplete and creates a prompt diversion in the essay. Always discuss the essay as indicated:  
  
*Discussion Instruction: Discuss both view and give your opinion  
Your Outline Response: I still believe that both car owner and government have an important road to play in this matter.*  
  
Hence the prompt deviation on your part which would make the essay fail in the task accuracy section, thus failing the whole test when you consider the grammar and sentence structure errors indicated above which will also result in low scores on a per consideration basis. The correct instruction paraphrase is:  
  
*For this essay, both sides will considered in terms of merits to help me create an educated opinion of the discussion topic.*  
  
Based on your prompt discussion, you are only discussing a personal opinion throughout creating a 2 reasoning paragraph discussion when it should have been a 3 paragraph reasoning discussion. Therefore, the essay you wrote does not deliver the expected requirements for this type of discussion instruction.
## changes in the Vietnamese transport system

  
  
In era of globalization, every country will corporate to help each other with the development. As a result, Vietnam is also supported in many aspects like education, healthcare services and especially is transportation. In this essay, I will point out some changes in the Vietnamese transport system and its affects.  
  
First of all, before the early 1960s, citizens in South Vietnam just had bicycles, so it was really difficult to travel long distances. Until when, American vonlunteers came to Vietnam to help with technology and economy, they brought the first motorbike to this country. After that, Vietnamese learned to make it and gave it a twist. Secondly, thanks to the corporation between Japan and Vietnam, a new railway is being built on district one, which provide citizens with more access to public transport. Moreover, in 2018, Vingroup company, which is from Vietnam, worked with BMW company to make Vietnamese cars and they were exhibited in Paris in October. Finally, with the investment in technology from other countries, Vietnam thesedays can join in the industrial revolution 4.0. For example, Grab app, which was brought to our country the first time by a Malaysian company in 2014, has given our citizens more chances to transfer from one place to another place by booking rides through our smart phones. Overall, globalization has facilitated a more comfortable journey for Vietnamese transport users by developing more public transport, investing road infrastructure and etc.  
  
Corporating to develop together can be the reason to explain for these changes. For instance, Grab does not help Vietnamese in travelling easily but also rise the income for the Malaysian parent company, too. Our country also gives a hand to support other countries like rising a fund for helping Japanese when they were being effected by the tsunami in 2011.  
  
In conclusion, globalization has a large affect on the Vietnamese development. Thanks to it, we can have a convenient life. In my opinion, we should not only support the globalization to go forward in every aspect but also keep our traditional qualities, too  
  
Word count: 342
Hi. It is good when you cite out the timing milestones in the first paragraph, from bicycles, motorbikes and now is car. I think you should give more details in the American volunteers part, namely times and people to make your essay more informative. You should also articulate the point of how the first-car made by Vin Group company has a significant impact on our country.  
  
In the second paragraph, you should elaborate more reasons why Vietnam can get this achievement of transportation. And then you can estimate a future scenario for Vietnam with this development.
## benefits and difficulties of smoking cessation

  
  
**The dangers of smoking are well known, yet many people continue with this habit.  
What are the causes of this? How can we reduce smoking in society?  
Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.**  
  
It is widely known that smoking has a negative impact on health, but for some reasons, people fail to get rid of this bad habit. Trying to be cool and loosening control of cigarette purchases are identified as the major reasons. Therefore, imposing taxes and money punishment in public places from government are introduced to address the issue.  
  
To start with, a majority of people smoke to impress others. This act can readily be found in teenagers these days, as they are usually influenced by other bad-influential peers. As a result, those naughty adolescents will begin getting access to cancer sticks from strangers to make themselves more awesome. Another reason is that tobacco prices are still affordable, compared to people's income. Therefore, they can still obtain cigarettes with a very low-cost amount of money.  
  
Governments should implement a long-term comprehensive legislation in order to combat against smoking. Raising taxes in cigarettes businesses is the first introduced suggestion because the cost of purchasing a cancer stick will be astronomical, so people are less likely to get it. The second solution is money penalization when catching an individual smoking in public. This method has been available in Singapore for many years, and it works effectively on the ground of its citizens' fear of being caught smoking. All in all, it is up to the local authorities to mitigate the issue of smoking.  
  
In conclusion, there are two causes of people continuing to smoke, which are coolness and the facilitation of getting a cigarette product. Implementing high taxes and money fining are unveiled to tackle the problem.
You need to add a reference to reasoning with regards to your second sentence. A clearer presentation would be: ... as the major reasons why people cannot stop the negative activity that is detrimental to their health. "  
  
Do not focus on cancer as a part of the discussion. This is not a health related discussion. Just a negative habit discussion. Therefore, you should not deviate from it being a simple negative activity. You are proposing a prompt deviation in this paragraph which alters the rest of the discussion from simple reasons that young adults are fond of smoking to the results of smoking. Only reasons why adolescents are enticed to smoke should be presented in this essay.  
  
Learn to use transition sentences midstream so to create a more coherent presentation. For the first reasoning paragraph, I would have transitioned by saying; "Aside from the negative influence of their peers, the affordability of cigarettes make smoking a cheap past-time for the youth....Considering the cheap price of cigarettes, the government should be involved in an effort to minimize smoking."  
  
The above presentation uses 2 important elements in academic grammar writing:  
  
1. The transition sentence in the middle that allows you to discuss 2 ideas in one paragraph rather than 1 topic per paragraph  
2. The smooth transition into the next paragraph which introduces the next topic before the full discussion in order to prepare the reader for the change in discussion.  
  
This is one of your better and more improved attempts as Task 2 writing. I believe you have the potential to do better based on this exercise. Keep up the good work. You are getting close to a higher than simply passing score at this point.
I did not cite out the result of smoking relating to health. You might misunderstand my point of using the word cancer in my first paragraph, which actually is "cancer stick", a synonym of the word cigarette. That sentence means "adolescents will borrow cigarettes from strangers to gratify their smoking desire". I think I also made a mistake when referring health in my introduction, which caused you confusion in the next paragraph. But anyway you were right at the rest of your advice, as I have deviated a little in my first paragraph, and I need to use more transitioning sentences. I will try my best to keep up with this format of my writing and polish it, rather than over-discussing with run-on sentences. Thanks a lot!
A "cancer stick" is a slang English term. That is not acceptable in formal English which is a requirement for academic vocabulary. Since you did not know that, you used the term in such a way that caused confusion for the reader. Listen, don't just open a thesaurus and use whatever word looks impressive to you. Consider the setting by which you will use the word. If it is a slang term, do not use it. You want to show academic vocabulary, not street English vocabulary.  
  
In this instance, all references for a cigarette that exist stem from the slang alternative of the word which was used informally to create codes to identify cigarettes and smoking during a time when this type of smoking was unacceptable in a formal or informal social setting. Therefore, the term does not have a formal English word equivalent. Hence the actual word for the item "cigarette" should be used to refer to it at all times.  
  
The only alternative word that comes to my mind that you can use as an alternative term is "cigar" which is a rolled bundle of dried and fermented tobacco leaves made to be smoked. Now, a cigar, which is a formal and more exclusive type of cigarette, has more formal English alternative words as cigars are the tobacco of choice for the elite and well educated members of society. You could have used the alternative words for cigar in place of "cigarette" in this instance.  
  
Street English vocabulary has no place in an academic setting and, as you saw for yourself, could result in problems with your formal academic writing requirements. Make sure you stick to non-slang, academic only, formal English vocabulary for this test. Remember, it is a test that you are taking to prove that you have a grasp of the formal academic English that you will be using as a student in the UK, Canada, or Australia.. Slang English will not help increase your C&C, LR, and GRA scores, specially when you know you might not be using it in the proper context. I am merely offering a word of caution. Take it as you will.
## is it a waste of time?

  
  
Numerous subjects are instructed in schools which do not appeal to pupils to the extent that some researchers doubt their productivity. I opine that consuming time on teaching such syllabus, either the arts or the science subjects, doubtlessly is not useless.  
  
For the lessons related to science, it would be rational to educate the curriculum to the learners which is of the practical skills in their future life. While the students grow up gradually, the communal life will dictate them learning about the proficiencies they need as an adult individual. To exemplify, they are expected to be able to do mathematical calculations which is considered as a fundamental capability. Besides, despite the fact that the trainees might be unwilling to be taught about the lesson like physics initially, but they will definitely need to be sufficiently trained in primary courses if they decide to major it in the university. As a result, since this is not useless to instruct these lessons in primary education system since the pupils will benefit the opportunity in future to choose among different majors for the tertiary educations.  
  
For the subjects related to the arts, apart from the reality that they need them for further educations in university, one's general information is also a matter of paramount importance. The knowledge about the geography and culture of a nation is as significant as learning about math and physics. History of each country is treasured worldwide and everyone had better be sufficiently aware of this invaluable inheritance. The humanities such as religious lessons would be highly valued for it forms part of the identity of the student in a society in which the religion connects and unites the people together. Literature and language helps children to learn how to express himself or herself and this is a quality that is important in the workplace and as a workforce in future.  
  
To sum up, while some people believe that it is not worth spending time on teaching the subjects which are not of student's interest and deem it as useless, it was outlined above that instructing such lessons in the school has proved to be productive and efficient since such area of knowledge assists the pupils to succeed in their later life.
Hi,,,  
  
Firstly, is this a single sided discussion or is it supposed to show critical appreciation and understanding of the two ideas presented here?  
  
In any case, I think your assay would sound more informative if you compared and critiqued your ideas by showing benefits of both specializing at an early age and just teaching a curriculum that lays a foundation for daily proceedings in future.  
  
Also, with some of the points you give, I suggest you lay an existent example "benchmark kind of" of a similar practice and outcome. It would sound more convincing as compared to just giving speculations.
Hi. Your essay was really excellent in the quality of vocabulary and grammar usages, and I am sure to learn a lot from you. But I don't know what the topic is about? You need to provide it so that I can fully give you feedback on the Task Achievement part.  
  
And also, this is a very long essay in the IELTS task 2. I think you should not be greedy about giving information, or you will not have enough time to finish the task. Try to write "shorter but sweet" next time. You were too wordy on this essay though. You should read more about the IELTS Writing instruction to have a better glimpse of this test.
## late at the hotel

  
  
This happened a few years ago. My friend and I had rented a hotel in Da Nang city for the summer holiday. We were going to first plane to Hue city to stay for 2 days, and then drive from Hue to Da Nang.  
  
The first part of the journey was exciting. We were sailing on the Huong river, the famous river of Hue and associated woth the history of Hue. While sitting on the boat, we are also heard the tranditional song of Hue people. After that, we released paper boats on river to pray lucky for ourself. On the second day, we went to eat Hue special food and prepared to go to Da Nang.  
  
The problem started to happen. When we were going in the wrong direction and we had to take a detour instead of going straight. It took us 4 hours. Everything wasn't getting better. When we were going to the city center, we got lost again. We didn't know where we were. We asked somebody around us and found out we turned left instead of right. We had to turn round and go back in the opposite direction and we had wasted nearly 2 hours to finding a hotel!  
  
When we arrived at the hotel where we hired before, it was too late! We were late more than an hour so had another guest rented. Then, I asked them if we would rent another room, they said that they were sorry all them rooms are full occupied and my deposit was refunded to my account. After that, we needed to find a room in a new hotel. Fortunately, there is an empty hotel room nearby. We quickly got there. Finally, we had booked the room. Although the trip had many problems with straying, but in the end everything was fine. We had such a exciting memorable holiday!
- "then drive from Hue ..." tense "drove"  
- "We were sailing on the ..." - I think you should use sailed, no any special time for using past cont  
- "we are also heard ..." tense "were"  
- "When we were ... and we had to take ..." should use "because" or "so"...  
- "all them rooms are full" tense "their", "were"  
  
General"  
- You should be careful with tense, a lot of mistakes
Hi Nicole, it appears that you have confused some of the commonly used English words in your essay. "turn round" does not make sense because "round" is the depiction of a circular shape. "Turn around" means to create a circle that connects back to a certain point, thus creating a full circle. You also need to be careful of the conjunction portions of your sentences such as when you said "occupied and my deposit..." a comma should have been placed between "occupied, and my deposit..." The comma indicates the combining of 2 connected ideas in one sentence.  
  
Then there is the mistake about when to use "a" or "an" in a sentence. When a word starts with a vowel sound the determiner "an" is always used, just as the determiner "a" is used for consonant sounding words. You also need to brush up on your vocabulary. Make sure that the words you use are found in the English dictionary and that it makes sense when used in a sentence. There is no such word as "woth". It appears that you were trying to use the term "with" instead. Proofreading your paper after you have completed the draft should help you avoid these common errors. The same goes for the words "tranditional, ourself (should be ourselves), as well as a spelling difference for the word center, which is the American English spelling that has the UK English counterpart "centre".  
  
Your narrative has much more sentence structure errors which comes from your being an ESL user. There are too many of them to give you free advice on at this point. However, I would like to point out that if you continue to familiarize yourself with English sentence structures through the use of American and/or British reading materials, this problem should clear itself up in no time. The good news, is that even with all of the grammatical and sentence structure errors involved, you were able to tell your story in a manner that the reader could easily decipher due to the use of proper clue words in your essay.  
  
I have to tell you though, the essay took too long to get to the point. As a reader, I did not need the detailed description of your visit, what I needed was a simple backstory then a focus on how you got lost and what happened because you got lost. Next time, write an overview introduction for the non-essential story representation, before launching into the central storyline.
## Video games make good kids evil

  
  
In the age of highly-developed technology,there is no doubt that it brings back a variety of advantages for people.But many people have imposed on technology for their rotten purposes.In that there are students who often use the Internet to plays games which brings about terrible results for them in the future.  
  
First and foremost, some game which they play for a long time makes them addicted.From that,they give up their studies to spend too much time playing them.that is why their learning progress becomes worse.  
  
Secondly,if they want to play games,they must buy cards which as i know is quite expensive.And they are students,they don't have enough money unless their parents give them.At that time,they steal its from the others and they become criminal.Someone has a horror of them.  
  
Finally, they don't get on well with everyone.Because they have the passion for playing games,they reduce to keep in touch with someone and turn into uncomfortable and bad-tempered person, they only concern themselves with virtual world.  
  
To summarize, students should not play video games to prevent themselves from evil things.
- "... use the Internet to plays games ..." S/V "play"  
  
- "some game which ... makes them ..." Pl and S/V "some games", "make"  
- "that is why ..." Cap "That"  
- "...,they must buy cards which as i know is quite expensive" - I think you should change to "they tend to buy...", "apparently", "in my knowledge" to replace "as I know". Your sentence makes me feel weird.  
  
- "They don't get" do not write "don't" write "do not" in the essay.  
  
General:  
- Your essay has lots of faults, please read and check again.  
- After point or commas give a space  
- Be carefull with capital words, sometime you forget
## **WHAT IS YOUR OPINION ESSAY**

  
  
Topic: Many parents believe that children read books for entertainment, they are wasting their time, and that they should read only serious, educational books.  
What is your opinion about this?  
  
It is true that reading books can affect personal development. Some people say that when children read books for entertainment, they are wasting their time and that they must read only educational books. I think that reading books for entertainment can improve their creativity and increase their reading time. In this essay, i will explain my opinion and reason.  
  
Firstly, entertainment books such as coloring books and painting books can be helpful for many children. For example, when children read a coloring book, they possible advance their creativity and imagination because they can paint it in the color they want without stereotype. Also, if children read a hero book, they are able to have an honest idea as it contains many righteous contents. This will lead to it does give them right thinking but also they do not be bored. Therefore, reading entertainment books can contribute to the right growth of children.  
  
Secondly, reading books for entertainment could be beneficial for forming a reading habit. For instance, while children are reading amusement books, they can be interested in reading books. In addition, bu having lots of reading times through amusement books, they possible forming reading habits. Thus reading books with interest could be related to educational things and make habit of reading books.  
  
To sum up, reading books for entertainment has positive effects. Accordingly, parents should not force only to read educational books to their children. Also, For children, we should remember the importance of having an interest in books and the formation of reading habits through entertainment books.