dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries.  
Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions.**  
  
## lost teenagers involved in crime

  
  
It is considered that the conviction rate among adolescents is drastically increasing all over the world. This phenomenon can be attributed to the advanced Internet and lack of proper guidance, while involvements from government and parents regarding to this issue are indispensable.  
  
Firstly, Internet contains overwhelming information, and teenagers are unable to identify the inappropriate materials due to their immaturity and recklessness. Those improper contents, for instance, would lead teenagers astray and result in committing crimes. One particularly salient example is that juveniles are participating in drug smuggling and prostitution activities due to the promotions of social media. Furthermore, youngsters are often lacking of proper guidance from their parents in the fast-paced lifestyle, and it would advance/deteriorate the situations of juvenile delinquency. Hong Kong is a case in point. Working parents are too busy to educate their children with correct values.  
  
Nevertheless, figures of authority, especially government and parents, shall pay additional effort in dealing with youth crimes. Prevention and deterrence are often considered as viable solutions to avoid youngsters from breaking the laws. Counsel and attentions shall be provided to their children in order to reshape the concepts and practices about committing crimes. Stringent legislation of young criminals shall be imposed to discourage adolescents from committing crimes.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that the surging rate of youth crimes can be contributed by Internet advancement and lack of proper guidance. Education and counselling are likely to be the gate of prevention, while stringent regulation can enhance the deterrence from younger criminals.
A couple of small revisions on your introductory paragraph:  
It is known that the conviction rate among adolescents has been drastically increasing globally. This phenomenon can be attributed to the advancement of internet alongsideits lack of proper guidance -irregardless of the indispensable involvement of the government and parents.  
  
*What I did are four key things:*  
1. Changed all over the world to globally in order to maximize your word count  
2. Shifted the phrasing from advanced internet to advancement of internet because it is a continuous phenomenon (not just a point of exit)  
3. Changed and into alongside because it is the more appropriate alternative (and is considered as an extension of the phrase whereas placing alongside indicates a somewhat of a simultaneous conflict)  
  
4. Revised the phrasing of the last phrase in the sentence because it can come off as quite confusing  
**To avoid these issues, I would always tell people that they should focus more on maximizing and optimizing their word count.** What I mean by this is what you can focus on looking for shortened alternatives rather than attempting to compress all your words into a single line of thought. **By doing this, you are not only doing yourself a favor by not focusing as much on whether or not you have exceeded your word count - rather you are also letting the readers have a breather when it comes to analyzing the content of your essay.**  
  
**Watch out for your usage of preposition and punctuation as always.** Make sure that your placement is where it is appropriate. Simply review your fundamental usage of these particular items.  
  
**Apply all of these to the overall structure of your essay.**  
Best of luck.
**Some of the methods used in advertising are unethical and unacceptable in today's society. To what extend you agree or disagree.**  
  
## plethora of advertisement nowadays

  
  
It is often said that plethora of advertisement nowadays make use of inappropriate and improper contents. Although commercials play an important role on product marketing, I completely agree with this argument and I believe that such immoral and unethical propagation approaches shall be regulated by laws.  
  
To begin with, it is undeniable that random calls and junk mails are disturbing to our daily lives. People receive cold calls from many companies, especially cosmetics and insurance industries. Overwhelming advertisements are about irrelevant products' promotions. Such widespread phenomenon is extremely annoying and adversely influencing people's livelihoods. For example, Hong Kong citizens receive more than 10 random calls about promoting goods every day, while corresponding regulation has been imposed to govern the abuse of cold calls.  
  
Equally importantly, false contents are usually displayed to exaggerate the product's effectiveness. Cosmetic companies, for instance, often overemphasize the product's effects on beauties. As a result, customers would be misled to purchase such items without desired changes.  
  
Last but not least, numerous companies deliver the deceptive images of their products. Cigarette is a case in point. The tobacco companies usually invite some famous movie stars to smoke in front of the camera. As a result, teenagers would imitate, and be addicted to smoking consequently.  
  
In conclusion, there are considerable numbers of advertisements adopting immoral and unethical approaches to attract people's eye. Random calls create unnecessary nuisance to the public, while the images and effectiveness of tobacco and cosmetic goods are reshaped in order to enhance their popularity. Thus, stringent legislation shall be imposed to govern the practices of advertisement.
**I would suggest that you simplify your language.** This technique is especially useful because it will enable you to have better hold over the word count you are following *while still being able to play around with the overall structure*. If you can divide a sentence into two separate points, opt to do that rather than attempting to squeeze everything into one point. **Doing this can help you minimize as well the possibility of mistakes from making complex sentences**. Remember that precision is more important here than anything else.  
  
**Avoid having redundant language in your essay too that can just be dumped into your word count.**  
  
**Furthermore, I would also suggest that you use more formal language in your essay to improve its level of professionalism**. For instance, instead of mentioning that advertisements are annoying, say that they do not positively contribute to the goals of the company. Restructuring your essay this way can help you write in a more formal manner as well which will be beneficial if you are planning to use your English in formal set-ups.  
  
Watch out for your usage of preposition and hanging sentences or dependent clauses. Review these portions in grammar to ensure that your essay follows a better format.  
  
*I would say apply these comments to the other half of your essay - and you will go a long way.*  
Just keep in mind that you need to optimize the space in your essay. To do this, you need to keep in mind that you do not need a lot of adjectives and modifiers. Going straight to the point to substantiate your essay better goes a long way especially in IELTS exams.  
  
Best of luck.
**In the last 20 years there have been significant developments in the field of information technology (IT), for example the World Wide Web and communication by email. However, these developments in IT are likely to have more negative effects than positive in the future.  
  
To what extent do you agree with this view?  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.**  
  
**Please rate my paper in the form of IELTS exam. Many Thanks.**  
\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_  
  
It is often said that the advanced Information Technology (IT) has brought drastic improvements in the ways of communication and information collection. However, while IT has made a convenient life to us, it would introduce more adverse impacts in social alienation and juvenile delinquency.  
  
First, it is undeniable that the application of email and World Wide Web constitute an effective platform for education, business and commerce. People are no longer limited to time and location for such activities. Email, for instance, connecting people, especially abroad, more convenient and easier. Furthermore, the usage of World Wide Web has placed the entire world at people fingertips that abundance of information could be browsed anytime and anywhere.  
  
Nevertheless, the development in IT has deteriorated the intrinsic value of human connection. Such computer-based communication platform leads to serious social alienation. According to the social studies report, more than 70% of message delivery relies on body language, tones and facial expression, while only less than 7% of content was delivered via words. The overwhelming application of email would definitely undermine the social connection with degraded verbal skills and human interactions.  
  
Further and even more importantly, World Wide Web provide plethora of information and knowledge without adequate control and governance. People, especially adolescents, will be misled by those improper materials easily. One particularly salient example is that many juveniles were led astray, and participating in drug smuggling and prostitution due to the inappropriate content from the Internet. Thus, the ample and uncontrolled information would lead to many negative effects in social security and teenage education.  
  
In conclusion, it is irrefutable that IT has constructed an unprecedented platform for communication and information exchange, while the more negative impacts are likely to be introduced, such as juvenile delinquency and social alienation. This widespread phenomenon would be worsening unless proper control and stringent legislation imposed.
**I would recommend that you watch out for your modifications in the verbs.**There were instances sprinkled throughout your essay that it has caused confusion as to what you are truly referring to.  
  
For instance, in your introductory sentence, I would phrase it instead as:  
*It is often said that the advancement of Information Technology (IT) has brought drastic improvements in the means of communication and information collection.*  
You cannot use the past tense of advance as somewhat of an adjective to IT in this case because it is a known fact that this is a continuous development. This means that you cannot isolate it to a single event in time, therefore it warrants it this format. **I would say that to be able to grasp instances such as this, you would need to focus more on rereading your essay multiple times to determine small mistakes in your language.**  
  
**Furthermore, I would also suggest that you try to a better transition between your paragraphs.** Using *nevertheless*as a starting word for the entirety of the paragraph is commonly an informal method. Because of this, I would suggest that you omit these words and *simply head straight to the point of what the thesis and thoughts of your essay is.*  
  
Avoid using redundant language when you are beginning your paragraphs too. For instance, in your fourth paragraph, I would omit either the *further*or the *even more importantly*because they both have *the same underlying thought.*When doing IELTS exams, remember that you are working with word counts -**therefore it should be your goal to optimize the space that you have for your essay.**  
  
Apart from these things that are more focused on the structure of your essay, I would also suggest that you look into the technicalities of your writing (usage of preposition, grammar, subject-verb agreement) because you had minor lapses in your essay regarding such, especially in the last portions. To avoid this, simply review more of the fundamental rules that you need to follow for your essay.  
  
I can't give you an exact IELT band score to assess because that is more technical than this. *Still, best of luck.*
## movement for the future of the planet

  
  
**If we want to save the future of the planet, we will have to drastically change our way of life.**  
These days, every time you turn on the television or flick through the pages of a newspaper, you will witness there is a significant increase in the amount of environmental issue which is posing a serious threat to the earth. It is believed that human partly responsible for these problems. Nonetheless, we also can preserve the planet if we know how to change our lifestyle in most effective measures. I completely agree with this idea and in this essay I will support my view with examples.  
  
Firstly, the environment of planet has been devastated seriously. It may originate in result of small harm activities such as using plastic bags or releasing CO2 which mainly cause global warming. In fact, many people do not care about the greenhouse effect, they believe that nothing will happen if they turn air conditioner which releasing a large amount of CO2. We can use electric fan rather than using air conditioner, choose recycle products. Personally, I think we should raise public awareness in order to protect the earth from waste.  
  
Another reason why I support this opinion is that we can use renewable energy from solar, wind or water power so as to limit emissions from factories and individuals. Green resource will decrease the air pollution from fossil energy such as petroleum, coal and natural gas. In addition, green trees can absorb kinds of air pollution. So, government should encourage people plant more trees to reduce air pollution.  
  
To sum up, although there is no doubt that our environment may reflect our behavior, we need to raise public awareness, take place of the fossil energy and grow more trees. I believe small activities could be implemented to save the earth.
**Watch out for your usage of relative pronouns.** While these are typically helpful in making your essay appear more put together, when misused, these can *significantly*harm the entirety of the content. If you are uncertain about what to use, always review your fundamental grammar. This can also help your language avoid being confusing.  
  
*For instance, I would revise your first/introductory sentence as:  
Every time you turn the television on or flick through newspaper pages, you will notice a significant increase in environmental concerns posing threats to the earth.*  
  
**In here, I had eliminated these pronouns (which - specifically) and moved around your phrasing to maximize the space left for the text.**This particular method of packaging the wording of your essay can be quite tricky. However, once you get a hold of it, it can help your essay become as comprehensive as it possibly can be.  
  
**Watch out for your subject-verb agreements as well**. Remember to be wary of instances wherein you need to change the form of the verb in order to make it proper for your essay. If you are uncertain, again consulting your fundamental grammar guides will always be helpful for you.  
  
**You had the tendency to drag your sentences, creating difficult to understand phrasings.** To avoid this, I would opt that you shorten your sentences. You should be as straightforward as you possibly can be to avoid structural mistakes. If you can divide a sentence into two separate ones, then opt to do this rather than forcing too many thoughts in a single cluster.  
  
*Let's look at your second paragraph. I could have easily revised your third sentence as:  
In fact, there are people who do not believe in the greenhouse effect. They do not believe that large amounts of CO2 emissions contribute from air conditioners affect the environment negatively.*  
  
**By dividing the sentence into two separate points, I can relay what I want the readers to understand faster.**Doing this will enable you to make an essay that is easier to digest for the readers themselves.  
  
**Try your best to avoid redundant language**(ie. mentioning the same terminologies repeatedly when you could use an alternative word). This can help your essay appear more concise too.  
  
Apply these comments to the entirety of your essay.
Depending on the application of this article, simple and clear introduction is usually welcomed in examination. You may consider to re-structure your opening in this way.  
  
Fact and data are also useful in writing, you may consider to adopt some numbering or data to illustrate the rate of reduction of CO2. It would enhance the readership a lot.  
  
Good way to discuss the renewable energy, and adequate example, such as solar and wind power are mentioned. Appreciate.  
  
Cheers.
## not only financial help to poorer countries

  
  
*Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?*  
  
Many undeveloped countries receive aids from the develop countries in forum of money for decades, however it sometimes cannot be the best solution to tackle the poverty problem. Therefore, I completely agree that the developed countries should help these poor countries in other methods than the financial aids and I will discuss the reasons in the paragraphs below.  
  
Most of the financial aids which is presented to the developed countries are not used to develop the country itself, this is because the high level of corruption. Many leaders of these poor countries are not democratically elected and have a strong grip of power over their people. Hence, the funds can be easily stolen or sometimes can be directed to another purposes that it should be. As a result, these countries keep to be in poverty and cannot witness any growth or potential using these financial aids.  
  
Another point is that these countries who receive the financial aids may not have a strong economic policies or highly professional expertise who can use these funds to develop the country's economy reaching high growth ratios. But, these aids can deteriorate the current situation and increase the levels of debt and sometimes the countries find themselves about to bankrupt. That is why, If the developed countries presented its aids in forum of investments or free equipment for instance, it will be highly effective to encourage many industries and decrease the unemployment ratios leading to tackling the poverty problems.  
  
In conclusion, it is important for developing countries to help the third world countries to reform, but I completely agree that these aids should be in other forums than money and these developed countries should monitor the direction of these aids.  
  
please help me to know which band it deserve
Some typo observed, please double check =]  
  
...however it sometimes cannot be...  
  
I think the position is very clear, thereby you can remove "sometime" in the 1st sentence.  
  
Also I recommend you to categorize your argument point into 1. improper usage in financial aid and 2. lack of knowledge for country development. It will make your structure and article clearer.  
  
You may consider to slightly add your recommendation in which form of aids to be provided, i.e. knowledge of investment and farming.  
  
Cheers/
## young in power

  
  
***Topic: Nowadays more and more young people hold the important positions in the government.***  
*Some people think that is a good thing while others argue that it is not suitable. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.*  
  
In some regions, a great number of youngers are elected for key roles in the government. While some people claim that is unfair compared to the olders; many others, myself included, believe it is beneficial for our society. However, I will take these two viewpoint into consideration when discussing them in this essay.  
  
To begin with, the fact of the matter is that youngsters are mostly lack of real experience as they have never challenged or dealt with a great many difficult situations. Moreover, a tiny part of young people are irresponsible, pass the buck when making mistakes and have a signal for capitalizing their roles. Based on those viewpoints, a host of people criticize many young leaders and are not in favour of their current positions. In addition, with the shortage of social skills, these young authorities can have difficulty in solving international problems or establishing the legislation. Gradually, their decisions can stagnate the economic recession and pose a threat to everyone's income as a result.  
  
On the other hand, the youngsters also have some advantages with regard to their age and high passion. Unlike the olders, they have a very long period to develop and complete themselves step by step. They have their youth hence they may be not hesitate to take risk in making decisions and choosing the most ultimate path. By virtue of being born in the industry 4.0 coupled with many significant breakthroughs in technology, the young people can have more chance to learn, become modern, creative and sophisticated. Additionally, one of the key factors contributing to the success in any occupations is the passion. Therefore, the working productivity of many young leaders are always high and effective.  
  
In conclusion, the question whether or not young people should hold many inevitable roles in the government creates a lot of attraction from people but I want to reaffirm that having many young leaders can be beneficial for us due to some aforementioned reasons.  
  
(328 words)  
-------------------------------  
*:(( Here is my essay. Would you like to spend your time (just a little) to read it and give me feedback, plss ? :((. I really want to know my level and always appreciate your feedback. Thank you in advance !!!!*
I would opt that you shorten your sentence structure, making your content easier to grasp by the readers. While your first paragraph had a decent structure, there were writing techniques that you could have used to make your flow more concise.  
  
*For instance, I could rephrase your first sentence as:  
Young people in some regions are now elected for key government roles.*  
**What I had done was to omit unnecessary words (preposition, modifiers, etc.) to be able to shorten the structure.** This is an effective method if you seek to maximize your word count. Try to omit what you can omit while still maintaining the fundamental grammar rules. It goes a long way. **Apply this recommendation to your entire essay.**  
  
For your second paragraph, I would suggest that you may remove the to begin with and instead proceed to directly beginning your paragraph. These words do not contribute to the content - therefore are not necessary in the essay itself. **When working with limited space, you should take this into account.**  
  
Furthermore, I would recommend that you use an oxford comma as it can help your essay appear more academic.