dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
I think you should make clear what is the thesis statement of your essay in the introduction, you can state what migration you mean (urbanization?), what is the difficulties of living in the city and the government policy. If you choose urbanization, you should consistent.  
  
In the second paragraph, the terrorist attack is too far. You could explain what is the difficulties of living in the city, not the impact of migration to the city. For example, The first difficult for migrating people is difficult to find a job especially if they just have less experience ... Second, the living cost is high...(explain why) Third, reason 3...  
  
In the third paragraph, you should explain the government policy that makes the urban life better for everyone. It is better if the policy solves the difficulties you mention. In addition, you should make it clear who is the "everyone".  
  
In conclusion, please restate your opinion and highlight the reason.  
  
I hope it can help you.
## different crime cases in the New Port city

  
  
The chart below shows the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in New Port city center from 2003-2012  
  
The given graph presents information about the variation of three different tipes of crime in New Port city between the years 2003 and 2012.  
Overall, it can be seen that there was a downward trend in the number of burglaries, while thefts remained low but steady.  
As regards burglaries, the figure started at about 3500, which was the highest figure in 2003. After that, there was a significant decrease to approximately 1500 in 2007 reaching the peak at just over 1000 in 2008. Next, there was a sligth increase at around 1500 in 2009. From 2009 to 2012 the figure levelled off at around 1500 ending at about 1400 in 2012.  
  
In contrast , in 2003 the number of incidents by robberies was the lowest compared to the crime rate of both burglary and car theft. The number of thefts fluctuated mildly for the whole period, reaching the bottom at around 600 in 2012.  
  
Regarding the car thefts rate, the figure started at about 2700 in 2003, having remained stable for 2 years, then fell sharply hitting the peak at approximately 2000 in . In 2012 the number of car thefts saw a rise to rougly 3000 , exceeding the number of burglaries, which had only about 1500.  
  
*
@elirya  
I think your writing is already good enough. You have given a quite strong "overview" paragraph, and have explained each figure clearly.  
However, using 'peak' for the lowest point of a graph seems a little bit improper, isn't it? I suggest using "lowest point", or maybe "minimum value"  
  
And some corrections:  
",,,there was a ~~sligth~~ slight..."  
"... levelled off at around 1500 ~~ending~~ and ended at about 1400 in 2012"  
"...~~having~~ remained stable for 2 years..."  
"...hitting the peak at approximately 2000 in(-cidents)"  
  
Hope this helps. Your feedback is highly appreciated.
## THE IMPORTANCE OF A LANGUAGE

  
  
**As languages such as English, Spanish and mandarin become more widely spoken, there is a fear that many minority languages may die out. Some countries have taken steps to protect minority languages.  
  
What is your view of this practice?**  
  
*English, Spanish and Mandarin are amongst most spoken languages in the world. Thus, a big concern has developed as fewer spoken languages may disappear as a result of the popularity of more used languages. So, many countries have taken prophylactic actions in order to save these languages. This essay agrees with the action taken by different places to protect the non-popular language. This essay will discuss the reasons behind this opinion as languages are part of the culture that is not less than physical ancient art and must be preserved, also it is part of people identity that accompanies them wherever they go.  
  
Language as so many other thing like art and old statues left, is part of people culture that must be cared of. However, many old languages have died out as a result of neglect leaving a gap in that culture that cannot be replaced. For example, ancient hieroglyphic language have disappeared in Egypt despite the huge greatness of that old culture that lasted more than 2000 years.  
  
Also history is the actual identity of different population, it is indeed what defines them wherever they go, and language comprise a very important part of that identity. Thus, more action must be taken to preserve that part as that showed in famous and popular one. For instance,a study in Oxford University in 2013 has concluded that more confidence was obvious on the international students as they were allowed to talk by their original languages and accents in the classes as a trial to identify their hometowns.  
  
In conclusion. Government should take actual actions in keeping old languages as newly spoken languages are invading all over the place. They are the remaining part of their old history and culture as well as the identity of them.*
## different popularity of British tourist attractions

  
  
The chart below shows the result of a survey of people who visited four types of tourist attraction in Britain in the year 1999.  
  
The pie chart compares figures for visitors who visited four different types of tourist attraction in Britain and five different theme parks in 1999.  
It is cleared that theme parks and museums/galleries are the two most popular types of tourist attraction in Britain in that year. Blackpool meanwhile was most visited in theme parks sector.  
  
Looking at the information in detail, 38% of the interviewed guests preferred theme parks and 37% of them went to museums and galleries. In contrast, historic houses and monuments were only visited by 16% of the total surveyed visitors, while wildlife parks and zoos were the least popular among all kinds of tourist attraction with only 9% of the visitors.  
  
In the theme parks sector, the majority of visitors had been to Blackpool Pleasure Beach with 47%. Alton towers were the second most popular locations with 17% of the visitors, followed by Pleasureland and Southport. In the last place are Chessington World of Adventures and Legoland Windsor which are also the two least popular places in theme parks sector with only 10%.  
  
*
## sports watching preferences

  
  
The table compares four countries in term of the number of people who watched four different item of sports on Television, including Tennis, Golf, Motor racing and Athletics.  
  
Overall, Americans watch sport on Television more than the other three nationalities and tennis is the most popular items which people prefer to watch.  
In regard to tennis, the largest number of television viewing for sports went on Tennis, at 7 million people. On the other hand, Americans also had highest amount of television viewer in Gold category/ There is a slightly lower number of television viewer in tennis and significantly lower number of television views in Golf all three countries.  
  
It can be seen that not many people like watching Motor racing and Athletics on Television compare to other type of sport, at 12.7 million and 16.9 million people respectively. Where, Motor racing was watched popularly in UK, but Americans was most country watched Athletics on Television
## looking for a long term solution

  
  
The best way to solve the world's environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel. To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
  
It is the fact that in recent years, the world's environmental problems have drawn attention of every nation and the solution of these problems are given the first priority. It has been suggested that the best way to solve the worldwide environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel. However, in my opinion, this solution is not effective enough to drive back these problems.  
  
To begin with, we must have an all-round view about environmental problems that include pollution, global warming, overpopulation, deforestation and a lot of other problems. Thus, if the price of fuel is more expensive, it is only effective in the field of air pollution and global warming. It means that other environmental problems are not still solved. Obviously, for these problems, we need to find out a more effective solution.  
  
Secondly, increasing the cost of fuel places the emphasis on governments, not individual responsibility. It is easily seen that each of individual is definitely part of the problem. The way we live, the activities we do drive ourselves to the edge of environmental crisis. Ultimately, the most effective solution is to educate people of all ages. As a consequence, the better education about this problem people have, the higher their awareness of protecting our planet is.  
  
In conclusion, the increase the level of taxation on fuel is one of the short- term solutions to address environmental problems. If we have a desire to save the earth as well as our own lives, education is likely to take it come true.
***Hi Mai**, I have read your essay closely. I will try you a few suggestions.  
First, if you wanna get a high score, especially in the lexical resource, you have to paraphrase the statement. You cannot put original words directly, but you create the statement by using your own words. After that, you should make your thesis statement clearer. I meant that you briefly showed why you said that the solution is not effective. It's better if you give underline of what you review in the body paragraphs in this statement.  
  
For your body paragraph, you need to strengthen your opinion. You have needed the supporting sentence and an example to develop your paragraph. Following that, your second body paragraph was also less strong. I suggest you explain one idea rather than you displayed multiple ideas. You tended to elucidate the importance of educating people about the problem. You are supposed to focus on prompts given. Lastly, you failed to create the conclusion. If you wanna write the conclusion, you paraphrase your thesis statement where you show your position because the question obviously asks us to decide whether you agree or disagree.  
  
Hopefully, those can help you for finalizing this essay. GOOD LUCK*
**It is necessary for parents to attend parenting training course to bring their children up. Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## parenting school

  
  
There is no doubt that parents have a big influence on children's life. As such, many argue that joining in course of parenting is essential in order to help them to controll the children's development. In my point of view, I tend to concur with this idea due to the fact that parents have a big tendency to determine the children's way of life and also they have to understand children's necessary then connect it with physicology and mentally aproachment. All of this needs can be obtained in parenting course.  
  
First and foremost, parents are the first school for every children in the world. Therefore, they must know how to bring up their children in more sufficience life. Indeed, I could say that by attending on parenting training course, they can know what the children's necessity and how to face them in every condition. Thereby, the peaceful life is created by this condition as the benefit of understanding given to children. Taking Ari as instance, he is 8 years old and have a hedonisme lifestyle and this influence on their attitude to ungrateful in every condition. By taking parenting course, their parent know how to tackle this condition by give their son some film which has learned about gratefullness. Hence, their son became knowing to be grateful by the time.  
  
In addition, it is commonly believe that children have a different character and tend to have swing mood. Because of this, parents should have a variety of methods to face the children in every time and every condition. For instance, children are lazy to attend the class because their task is too many, then finally get a low performance and achievement at the class. It can be tackle by parents with give them reward when they have a good record of presence. It will be worth due to the fact that in physicology's term, they have tendention to do the best by rewarding process. This is an example of method could be obtained in parenting course. As such, it is clear that involving on parenting course is very important for parents.  
  
All in all, parents are the key word of children's life. that is why, joining on parenting course is very meaningfull to control children development. Thereby, parents should provide their time to attend this course.
Hi anhy..  
  
I will give you some feedback  
  
...to ~~controll~~ **(control)** the children's development  
All of ~~this~~(these) needs  
  
the first school for every ~~children~~ **(child)** in the world  
he is 8 years old and ~~have~~ **(has)** a ~~hedonisme~~ **(hedonism)**  
  
All in all, parents are the key word of children's life.**(no need point)** that is why,  
parenting course is very ~~meaningfull~~ (meaningful)  
  
I think you should more pay attention with spelling and Subject and verb agreement
hay @Anhy chan, i have read this essay closely. My feedback may help you to finish this essay better. Firstly, i found several grammatical mistakes that you did. pay attention on these:  
  
 ~~'mentally aproachment'~~ = *mental approach*  
  
~~All of this needs~~ = *all of these need*  
  
~~more sufficience life~~ = *sufficient life*  
  
*understanding given to children* = *understanding **giving** to children*  
  
~~by give their son~~ = *by **give** their son*  
  
film which ~~has learned~~ about gratefullness = *film which **has been learned** about gratefulness*
My comment:  
- parents are the first school for every children in the world -----> clearly, parents cannot be considered as a school. maybe you should replace by the phrase "the first teachers"  
  
- you should use the correct form of noun, tense. for example, "film" -->"films" . became ---> become in line 12, believe ---> believed in line 13,ect.  
  
- your idea is not clear
**Topic:  
Some people think that it is good for a country's culture to broadcast foreign films and TV shows. Others, however, think it is best to produce local films and shows. Discuss both views and give your own opinion**  
  
## watching American tv shows in your home country

  
  
Answer  
In recent decades, movies and TV series have been imported from other countries. Although some people believe foreign films and TV shows that affected many things in our lives, they also play an integral part in the development of every country.  
  
There are a number of reasons why local films and shows benefit a culture. First, movies made by local people would help preserve the tradition and customs of their own culture. For instance, local programs such as Lunar New Year,..which reminds many young generations always remember the tradition of ethnic culture. Second, producing more local films will enrich the cultural library. For example, film production involves many aspects of life such as education, economics, business, etc,enhancing views on culture and communication skills.  
  
On the other hand, imported movies and TV series bring a lot of advantages to a local culture. Firstly, when a country imported movies that are imported from overseas, it can help its people learn about other cultures in much easier and more effective way. In fact, it helps them broaden their own knowledge about different fields and communities through real experiences of people from other countries. Secondly, each individual can learn the good things from other civilized societies through their behavior and ways of working. For example, the habit of queuing is a beautiful habit in many Western countries, people can copy their action and apply this sort of knowledge in real life.  
  
In conclusion, only focusing on producing local films and shows will do more harm than good. Local officials should also recognize the benefits of purchasing foreign movies on preserving their culture.
***Hi Itachi**, I will give you a few suggestions. Hopefully, you can meet my notes and deal with them.  
Firstly, If you wanna get a high score, you are supposed to show your position in the thesis statement. It is clear that the prompt asks you to give your opinion after you review both perspectives. That is essential in the writing task 2 because you will show what are elucidated in the body paragraphs. For body paragraphs, you have to add supporting ideas for your second reason in the first body. That seemed like layman's opinion because you only mentioned that. In the essay, you cannot display solely, but you have to expand that. Giving the supporting sentences is the primary requirement for building the good paragraph. Actually, you also did that in the second reason in the second body. Your score will be reduced by examiners because you seemed listing your ideas, not to explain deeply. Please, you improve that to achieve the high score.  
  
For your grammar, you are free of major errors. However, you should harness connetive devices for making your flow smoother. That encourage readers to understand your essay easily.  
  
Pay attention to your conclusion as well. You need to paraphrase your thesis statement if you wanna show the conclusion. In addition, you can include suggestions in this case to meet the requirement in creating the good pargraph. Keep in your mind that the good paragraph has at least three sentences.  
  
I hope those suggestion can finalize your essay. GOOD LUCK*
**It is necessary for parents to attend parenting training course to bring their children up. Do you agree?**  
  
## improving parenting skills for your baby

  
  
Parents are the first teacher for their children so they have important role in raising their children up. However, it is undoubtedly difficult for most parents especially for those new. In this modern era, taking course for parenting training becomes new trend and I strongly believe that this is crucial for all parents to do so although they can learn by themselves by reading the article.  
  
First of all, some parents argue that it is not necessity joining the parenting class. The reason why they say so is to use the internet as media to learn more about parenting is useful and economical. They read several articles or watch the video from the internet how to cure their daughter and son. Furthermore, there are several online forum that parents can join freely without any cost and get much more information about parenting. For example in Japan, there are several websites which allow people can make parenting forum and small discussion about. But sometimes the virtual media makes them lack of understanding. Most of them just tell about their experience in raising their children up. This situation may allow parents mall treatment for their child so that the harmful effect is inevitable for their children.  
  
On the other hand, attending the real parenting training class is needed by all mothers or fathers. The attendance in the class gives effective training in growing the children up. Many skills and tasks are directly trained by the expert. Therefore the course provides beneficial original information especially for young couples. Soppeng, one of a small cities of Indonesia, where all young couples have to attend the parenting class becomes a requirement before they married. Since the policy was applied in the last ten years, there has been a positive improvement showed by parents. As a result, the child abuse rate have declined during the period. It is clear the parent need parenting class.  
  
To conclude, I believe that parenting training led parents to be a good parent for their child. Although the internet media provide information about parenting, attending the parenting class still has more benefits.
Mono, although your are successful to clearly state your position along with its description in body paragraph, you still have a problem with grammatical error. Some sentences you made produce confusing MEANING. Take this sentence (Soppeng, one of a small cities of Indonesia, where all young couples have to attend the parenting class becomes a requirement before they married). as an example, DO YOU MEAN SOPPENG IS ONE OF REQUIREMENTS TO MEET BEFORE GETTING MARRIED OR IS THIS A NAME OF CITY ???
The reason why they say so is to use (...) about parenting is useful and economical.  
**I think the grammar of the sentence is not right. Two be verbs.**  
  
... several onlineforum  
I think it should be forums  
  
... which allow people canmake parenting ...  
It would be better to use to be able to instead of can  
  
Many skills and tasksare directly trained by the expert.  
I don't think it is the perfect way to express your opinion, even though i understand your meaning.
## foster road became an green area now

  
  
The pictures show information regarding alteration between SE 84th and 85th Avenue in Foster Road before and after improving the area. Overall, the Foster Road has changed into a proper area by providing many facilities for people.  
  
The first picture illustrates that the area has less facilities for pedestrian. It could be said that, it does not provide sufficient facility since there are no cycling track and wide side for walkers. On the other hand, there are two lanes in the road which has different directions.  
  
By comparison, the second picture illustrates that the place experiences a significant change after improving. It could be seen that, it provides many facilities not only for cycling but also for driver. Furthermore, there are wider sidewalks and bicycle lanes for pedestrian while the road has changed by providing three lanes, traffic lights and new crossing. Thus, that place turns into a green area by providing many street trees.  
  
*
Hi @Reza\_Hidayat, here several suggestions for your writing :  
Firstly, pay attention on overview, I think your overview is not covered all the feature on the picture. To make it flawless, you can explain specifically or find another word to replace "proper area" because it has a wide defenition. You may say that it has change to be convenient area for people. by this, we can know who will get the more adventages by this alteration. Turning to body paragraph, it is better to explain more and more alteration to make the comparison seems obviously. Finally, Learn more about 'phrasal verb' to boost your score in lexical resource and use uncommon vocabulary to get a high score in this category.  
  
In addition, I think there are several improvements on the way you write. Keep it up!