dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hi  
I think almost all your paragraphs are tending to show how government and citizens should do to reduce heavy traffic impacts but it is totally doesn't take topic response. You are required to explain **the government should be responsible for solving the increasing pollution problems which result from heavy traffic** but I can't notice any explanation from you other than your own measures. You shall state several ones like:  
  
- The government must take crucial responsibilities as its central role to control all country's progress  
- The transportation system in both management methods and distinct supervisions are distributed to cities and areas by government's order  
Otherwise, it will definitely make you lose your TA mark to an alarming extent. By the way, some grammar mistakes need correcting.  
Hope that helps.
Priya, you just failed half this test so you will not get a passing score for it. How did you fail the test? You failed to properly respond to the task you were provided. You did not understand at all what the prompt task is all about so you did not offer a response to the prompt as required. The prompt instructed you to discuss the following:  
  
Question: To what extent do you agree?  
Response: In my opinion, while I believe that the government has a bigger role to play in alleviating this problem, the joint efforts of the citizens of a country are also required.  
  
You can clearly see where you made the mistake that caused the failing mark for this essay in the outline above. You totally changed the prompt topic for discussion and the discussion method. As you most likely have been told, once you make a mistake with the TA response, you lose half the scoring marks for the essay. Add to that the problems with your work with regards to the other scoring considerations and there is absolutely no way that you will have an essay that can pass the test.  
  
The question is answerable by:  
  
I totally agree/disagree  
I partially agree./disagree  
I an in full agreement/disagreement  
  
along with other variations thereof. Since your response is nowhere near the expected response, you cannot expect to pass the test. Even though your reasoning is along the acceptable reasons, your marks were severely affected by the TA, C&C, as well as GRA mistakes in your presentation. So I cannot consider this to be a good attempt at writing a Task 2 essay.
## water used for different purposes

  
  
Topic: The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant  
  
Task:  
The given pie charts demonstrate the proportion of water which people in six areas in the world spend on various intentions. It can be seen from the charts that the rate of water in South America, Africa, Central Asia and South East Asia used for agriculture is higher than others.  
  
The percentage of water used for agricultural use in Africa, South East Asia and Central Asia is significant higher than other usages, 84%, 81% and 88% respectively. By contrast, there is a sharp decrease in the rate of water which people spend on agriculture in North America and Europe. In North America, the rate of water spent on agricultural use is 39%, whereas that of Europe is 32%. In contrast, there is 71% of water that South American use for agriculture.  
  
In terms of the proportion of water used for industrial and domestic use, there is a dramatic fall in Africa, South East Asia, Central Asia and South America. In Africa and South East Asia, that figure for industrial use is 7% and 5% respectively, meanwhile that of domestic use is 9% and 7%. South American and South East Asian use water for industry and domestic is slight higher than these two areas. The rate of water for industrial use in South American is 10%, whereas that of domestic use is 19%. In contrast, wated used for industry in South East Asia rated 12%, while the figure for domestic is 7%.  
  
Can anybody tell me my band scores and please fix me some mistakes.
*The graph shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.*  
  
## who reads more books, men or women?

  
  
The line graph indicates the quality of books that were read by males and females in the years between 2011 to 2014 at a public library in Burnaby.  
  
The statistics suggest that 5000 books had been read by males in 2011. The trend gradually increases to 8000 books by the end of 2012. Additionally, the numbers of 2000 are added to 2013 alone until the ongoing trend passes its peak and dwindles downward to 8000 books again in 2014.  
  
The books that were read by females, on the other hand, is starting insignificantly small, from the number of 3000 to 4000 in between 2011 and 2012. However, there is a big jump in 2013, the numbers of books rise above 10,000 at level. The uprising phenomenon does not stop at ten of thousands only, in 2014, the numbers of books reach 14,000 in total.  
  
The data of the graph shows that men read more books than women by the additional numbers between 2000 to 4000 in the first two years. Nonetheless, the leading position has dramatically shifted when the time moves forward after mere two years. The numbers of women who read books outclass men by more than 6000 in the last year of 2014.  
  
*I am not sure if the writing structure is correct for the academic task one. I recently started doing IELTS task one academic practice as I thought it would help widen my vocabulary and to have an overall perspective on the IELTS system. I might as well take the academic one if necessary. So please, any constructive comment would be a great help to me! Thank you.*  
  
*
Jimmy, your writing is understandable and pretty good considering your first attempt. However, I am summarizing some points where you can have a look:  
  
1. In the very first sentence, you mentioned 'quality of books', I think it would be quantity.  
  
2. The major problem in your essay is you have misunderstood the graph. Here, in the graph legend shows blue line is for female whereas green one for male. So, in your first, second and third paragraph you interpreted all the figures actually oppositely.  
  
3. Moreover, using some advanced vocabulary and sentence structure will increase the quality of your writing, I hope.  
  
Thank you for your consideration.
SG, this is a good attempt at writing this essay. However, you did it without any guidelines that could help you in better presenting the information from the graph in your report. So I will focus my advice on helping you create a summary overview that will help you outline the essay report. That way, you will always have a guideline regarding the proper information for presentation throughout the essay.  
  
So, let's start with the first paragraph. This paragraph is called the summary overview and it is comprised of the following information (in sentence form):  
  
1. Topic for discussion  
2. Type of illustration presented  
3. Measurement method  
4. Other information sources (optional)  
5. Trending statement  
  
In this essay, your mistake in the summary overview was that you did not indicate the colors of the line graph that represent each gender involved in the measurements. That is why you had that slight confusion when you discussed the number of books read by each gender. Had you indicated the color guide in your presentation, you would have created a very specific method of studying the graph that would have also helped you keep track of the numerical movements in the chart.  
  
Now, the rest of the essay should present the information and comparison discussions within the remaining 3 paragraphs. Don't worry about creating a concluding presentation since this is a report, not an opinion essay.  
  
You are still using words whose meaning you do not understand. Insignificant means that something does not matter in the presentation. However, in a Task 1 essay, all of the information is important. Nothing is ever insignificant. Keep your vocabulary simple. Do not try to use advanced vocabulary at this point. You are not yet ready for that. The most complicated words you should use in these essays should never be more than intermediate in complexity.  
  
This is a pretty good start. Your trial is impressive in a simple manner, but has mistakes that have serious repercussions for your score. Be careful with your presentation. Read the Task 1 essay samples here to help you get ahead before you write another Task 1 essay.
## food consumption in europe

  
  
***The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make relevant comparisons.***  
  
The provided line graph illustrates the amount of 4 different types of food that were consumed in a European nation in 25 years from 1979 to 2005.  
  
In general, fish was stably used at the lowest level during this 25-year period. Besides, there was a significant decrease in the consumption of beef and lamb, whereas that of chicken showed the contrasting state.  
  
In 1979, it can easily be seen that fish was the least commonly eaten food, which was consumed at about only 60 grams per person weekly. Contrastingly, the most preferred meat in this year was beef, which accounted for the amount of 220 grams that was nearly four times higher of fish consumption. The figures for chicken and lamb were lower that of beef, at about 140 grams and 150 grams respectively.  
  
During 25 years, the country witnessed a fluctuating decrease of beef and lamb, which resulted in the considerable drop in the statistics of these food's consumption. The beef was consumed about 100 grams per person while the figure for lamb was 50 grams in 2004. In contrast, the amount of chicken consumed continuously increased to 250 grams and became the most eaten food compared to the others. Although fish showed its slight decrease from over 50 to under 50 grams in 25 years, this was still the most stably consumed food in the nation.  
  
Word count: 228  
  
*
Tran, this is a very comprehensive analytical report based on the graph you were given. However, at 228 words, you have written too much. Please remember that editing could spell the difference between you limiting your mistakes so that you can pass the test or not being able to edit the work and submitting it with errors in writing that can make you fail the test. Try to limit your writing to only 200 words at the most. 175 would be the ideal number of words.  
  
The main problem I see with your writing is that you are over-explaining the graph rather than just indicating the data that was indicated in the graph. When you explain too much about the graph, you gain more words, but lose more time during the writing process. Don't be too wordy because the LR section is only one part of the 4 scoring sections for this essay. Do not focus on only one aspect of improvement.  
  
Based upon your writing, I am confident that you will be able to explain the graph very well with less words. Try to leave at least 5 minutes towards the end of your writing to leave room for revision and editing. If you can do that, I am sure that you will gain a very impressive final score for any task 1 essay that you write.
## modern medical equipments and methods are not enough

  
  
Most developed countries spend a large proportion of their health budgets on expensive medical technology and procedures. This money should be spent instead on health education to keep people well. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?  
  
It is sometime argued that people should spend their money on lessons which help them to maintain in healthy condition instead of pouring money to modern medical equipments and methods. While I strongly agree with the idea if taking health training class, I can not deny the benefits brought by technologies. In this essay, i will first discuss about the effectiveness of health education and after that, I would like to show what technologies can help us, followed by reasoned conclusion.  
  
First and foremost, being educated about health can give us knowledge about our in and outside organs, thus, we know how to take care of them. Furthermore, bringing natural way into practice can give us a long-term healthy life and make our flesh fight against deseases in congenital way. For instance, an apple per day, drinking two glasses of water, doing excercise such as walking, running or going to the gym and ect. are methods that not only keep us in healthy condition but also help us stay in shape.  
  
If the aforementioned idea need certain time to show its transformation on our body, medical technologies and procedures, on the other hand, take effect on our precious physique faster and soon we will see the results. Eventually, Those who are under that treatment can quicklier recover and turn back to their normal daily life. For example, the bone issues, we might not be patient enough to take back our normal form through nature cures but with modern equipments and methods, it would just take a few weeks.  
  
In conclusion, It depends on each situation that each single one is in to choose the most effective way for them and I completely agree that both ideas are worthwhile to spend money on
James, you cannot strongly agree with an opinion and then have reservations about it. Your approach to the response is wrong. When you wish to discuss 2 points of view that you "agree with to a certain extent", you should use the term "I partially agree" in response to the extent question. That way, you can discuss both points of view in the essay. The way you have your response currently set up only allows for a single point of view discussion.  
  
Due to this TA error, you will not get a very good score for that criteria. Along with that, your essay will only be scored based on the parts that support your given opinion response to the question in the essay. So you will lose additional marks for not writing within the 250 word minimum for the essay. To put it bluntly, the format of your essay, along with additional mistakes in the C&C, GRA, and LR sections will result in a non-passing score. This all happened because of your mistake in the TA section.
I think the paragraph talking about health education is lean to traditional cures than it shall be, and you also state it in your next para "**nature cures**"?. You should say about some methods and lessons' content of health education and make it clear by stating some advantages of these supporting your choice. Because I can't understand from this paragraph so I simultaneously don't make sense of the next ones, which mean you can not take topic's response in a deep way and your TA score will be influenced.  
  
Hope that helps.
## Birth Order - an overview

  
  
The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal.  
"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."  
  
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.  
  
While it may be true that offspring's cortisol production depends on birth order, the author does not explain the correlation between birth order and exact cortisol decrement. The author's argument is full of biases and cannot make the proper connection between clues.  
  
The author reports firstborn infants produce twice cortisol relative (in comparison with) to younger siblings. However, the author doesn't explain the hormone reduction trend in following sibling. Perhaps there are no differences at the hormone production level between second and third born monkey. As far as this variation is not examined, it is impossible to issue a general rule for the effect of birth order.  
  
The author implied that because of the firstborn humans' high-level cortisol production, the firstborn infant monkeys also will obey this relation. Although some similarities founded between monkey tribes and human, and it could encourage scientist to investigate more evidence to prove the assumption, it is not enough to convince the editor of the scientific journal.  
  
Additionally, the author mentions another finding that first-time pregnant monkeys had a higher level of cortisol relative to who had several offspring. Although this is another clue to prove the study, the exact increment of cortisol remains vague and ambiguous. The final result of the study must be certified by running the analytical tests on data, for example, a t-test, to show that the higher level of hormone is significant and reliable.  
  
This study discovers important clues to prove the assumption but there were some logical fallacies in explanation to persuade the editor of the scientific journal.
Javad, your score would most likely fall under the range of 4 for this essay. The reason that I gave you this score is because you are not really showing an effective analysis of the given information. You have taken the most obvious reasoning in the essay and used it as the consistent flaw of the essay in every paragraph rather than looking for other reasons that could be another response or explanation to the given discussion.  
  
When you finally present a different explanation or justification for the results, you present it at the very end of the essay, by which time it is already obvious that your essay lacks significant content in terms of proper discussion analysis. You should be looking for other reasons that could disprove the writers theory in every paragraph of the essay. What you ended up doing was merely summarizing the essay in every paragraph, without really offering a strong argument against the author's ideas. That is why I could not increase your scoring consideration for this essay.
Well, it is me again. This time I try to limited my wordy sentences and I hope that will help make this essay much more 'readable' to the reader.  
  
And as usual, comments are always welcome so please do if you find any abnormal on this essay, thanks for the input in advance!  
  
## people should be more aware of environmental hazards

  
  
**Scientist have been warning for many years about the importance of protecting the environment and that we must limit the use of energy in our daily lives. Despite warnings, many people do not do this. What are the reason of that and how people can be encouraged to take an interest in protecting the environment?**  
  
So many years the scientist have been announced the vital of the environmental protection and suggested citizen to perform any action that help to consume less energy. However, the effectiveness of such the warnings are limited. There are several reasons for people to ignore thus the warnings and the government should take some actions to help to let their citizen to get involve to any activity that can improve the environment.  
  
It is understandable why people refuse to take any action which is for better environment, and the prime reason would be that they are already get used to the habit even they know thus the activity that will cause the detrimental impact to the environment. For example, people will find it more convenience for them to go anywhere on anytime by their private vehicle, with despite the limited fossil fuels being consumed and harmful gases released during it is in operation.  
  
In order to tackle the problems, the state should introduce some laws and policies to address to the issues. The extra tax for the consuming of fuels for private car, for example, may help to generate the deterrence effect for the driver so that they will drive less with their own vehicle in general. As a result the use of precious fuels will be reduced as well as the emission of harmful gases will be decreased.  
  
In conclusion, although scientist have been warned people the importance of environmental protection for so many years, people are seldom to take any energy saving action to improve the situation. The reason behind is that they just perform what they found convenience to themselves. So the government should implement rules in order to raise the awareness of the environmental protection and consume less energy resources to the citizen.
Hi  
I think you have seized somewhat an average extent of this topic but your essay shows that you have done a weak one in both grammar and completion of task response.  
  
In grammar:  
~~the~~ scientists have ~~been~~ announced  
address ~~to~~ the issues  
found convenient  
And I think you misused the comma in where they are not needed  
The topic requires you to analyze "how people can be encouraged to take **an interest** in protecting the environment?" but you stated about mandatory methods such as tax, law, policies, etc which totally don't make sense about interest. And your previous explanations about why people do not comply with the rule just because it's their consistent activities, which I found imperceptibly persuasive.  
  
Hope that helps
@smally01 I am sensing a pattern in your postings that is making me believe that you are wasting our time advising you. It is clear from your previous postings that you know exactly where you are making mistakes when writing your essay. You always have at least one response saying "You are right that I..." That tells me that you knew you made this mistake all along and yet to still posted the wrong essay, knowing very well you will be called on it. Why do you do that? You are cheating yourself when you do that.  
  
By reviewing your essay, this one in particular, you knew you went off topic and did not respond to the prompt instructions, that you wrote run-on sentences, and that your essay would definitely fail in the TA section. Yet you went ahead and posted it rather than correcting it first. It is important that you learn to review your essay with a critical eye or the eye of the examiner during the dry run. Once you get a sense that you made a mistake somewhere along the writing of the essay, correct it immediately. If you see it, then wait for us to point it out, in an actual test you would have already failed.  
  
Nobody will point out your mistake after you wrote the essay and submitted it during the actual test. Learn to proof read, make sure you understood the instructions. Ask for clarifications before you write the essay since you are still in practice mode. The closer you get to the actual test date, the more accurate your prompt responses should be. Unfortunately, that is not happening for you and it makes me worry about how you might perform during the actual test.