dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Families Today parents spend little free time with their children. Why is it the case?

  
  
There is a growing concern revolving around the tendency which modern parents almost don't take their free-time to enjoy their children's companies whether they like or not. This can lead to significant influences on young children development due to numerous reasons that this essay will discuss below.  
  
For a start, There is no doubt that adults currently have to deal with a load of work at their occupational office. Thus, being always on the go, keeping trace with promotion, They try to release tensions, hide from hustle and bustle life by enjoying their own free time. Added to this, Children, especially the ones in young ages, may be the primary cause of frustrating agency to their private space.
You do not really present a convincing argumentative essay in this case. You are solely focused on defending your opinion rather than comparing the arguments / reasons coming from both sides. I would not call this a convincing argumentative essay because it lacks a discussion of alternating reasons. In an argumentative essay, you should be able to convince the reader to believe your side through the use of a balanced discussion and presentation of supporting reasons or evidence. That is not completely seen in this essay due to the improper format of your presentation.
This prompt is used for an English language test. Specifically, it is used in as an old prompt in the IELTS Task 2 essay. As such, the essay should have been presented using a minimum 250 word format. You have 118 words in this essay. That word count will result in enough percentage deduction points based on the missing word count to cause an automatic failing score for this essay. You must strive to write more words, at least 250, if you want to have a chance of even getting a simple passing mark in this test. You need to write:  
  
Par. 1: Prompt paraphrase + response  
Par. 2: Reason 1 with explanation  
Par. 3: Reason 2 with explanation  
Par. 4: concluding summary  
  
That is the format by which the standard task 2 essay is presented by the writer. Remember to use enough examples to support your explanation so that the paragraphs will be fully developed in terms of reasoning and substance.
***Some people think that physical strength is important for sport and others think mental strength is more important.***  
## *Discuss both views and give your opinion*

  
  
Sports have become an indispensable activity in modern lifestyles, going beyond being a mere way of entertainment. It is well established that sports heavily demand both mental and physical stamina. While some people believe it is the physical strength which is crucial factor, others are on the idea that mental power is of paramount importance to excel in a sport or a game.  
  
People argue that physical fitness is the governing factor to be competitive in a sport. It is obvious to consider the fitness level as the key because it is the foundation and prerequisite of majority of sports activities. As it seems to me, without the required minimum physique, no one would be capable of engage in a sport letting alone winning the competition, despite one's courage and passion in doing it. In weight lifting or wrestling, for instance, the players need to possess the minimum weight and muscle power to compete.  
  
In contrast, others believe that, mental stamina surpasses the physical strength, in perfecting a sport. As I believe, physical fitness and strength would be useless without the mental driving force behind. Courage, resilience and concentration are proved to be the key mental strengths behind a successful and professional player. For example, the concentration and status of mind are the determining factors of a good batman in a game of cricket. Without the tremendous courage, a long distance runner will give up the race in halfway, without reaching the finishing line.  
  
To recapitulate, people bear contradicting stances regarding whether the physical or the mental stamina is more important, in being successful in a sport. While physical strength is the basic requirement to engage in a sport, mental fitness plays the key role as the one boosts courage and passion. In my personal view, moral aspect is paramount over the physical strength, as it is the governing and key factor in controlling and stimulating the physical energy.
This is a 3 reasoning paragraph presentation. While you did an acceptable paraphrase of the given discussion, and you also provided 2 good public point of view reasons with acceptable explanations and examples, your essay is actually incomplete in format. You neglected to present your personal point of view in a stand alone paragraph. It would have been the paragraph that allowed you to assess both points of view using first person pronouns for validity. Based on your personal belief, you should have stated which of the two opinions you support with an explanation based on your personal opinion or experience. The current essay paid more attention to the public points of view and gave none to your personal point of view.  
  
The personal point of view is a stand alone paragraph. It is never included in the concluding paragraph because it will not allow you properly develop the explanation of your personal point of view in the manner that the first 2 reasoning paragraphs were presented. The concluding paragraph is only for the summary of the given discussion. It is never used to represent a single sentence opinion as it creates an non-concluded essay.
*Hi! This is my essay for TOEFL IBT independent writing. Please help me check it. Thank you!*  
  
***Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?  
## The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide.

  
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.***  
  
There are a variety of ways to travel. However, whether traveling on our own or with a group headed by a tour guide is better remains controversial. In my opinion, traveling under the guidance of a tour guide brings more advantages than taking the trip by ourselves. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following paragraphs.  
  
First of all, the tour guide is highly knowledgeable about tourist attractions. She can provide us with a large amount of information regarding the history, culture, and people of the place. If we opt to travel alone, we will be likely to miss the opportunity to acquire these valuable pieces of knowledge. For instance, my family once visited a well-known mountainous village in northern Vietnam. The tour guide gave us detailed descriptions of the traditions, customs, and lifestyles of ethnic people there. Hence, we had a deeper understanding of their lives. She told us about their daily routines and even taboos so that we could avoid inappropriate behaviors in many situations. She also offered us some useful advice on where and how to go sightseeing in a safe way, as the roads in this region are quite steep and uneven, which may be dangerous if not careful. That is how hiring a tour guide made our trip more pleasant and interesting.  
  
Second, in case we run into trouble, having a tour guide could be a great help. If a person travels on his own, he has no one to turn to when it comes to coping with unexpected problems. Take my friend's experience as an example, he used to get lost in a rainforest during his journey. At first, he was extremely worried, fortunately, when he contacted his tour guide, she managed to calm him down and gave him elaborate instructions to get back. Thanks to her assistance, he was able to return quickly and safely. That is the reason we should always have a tour guide when traveling.  
  
In conclusion, it is way more beneficial to take a group tour accompanied by a tour guide. This is not only a chance to enhance our knowledge but is also helpful when something unpleasant happens to us.  
  
*Thanks for reading!*
people are losing the ability to communicate face to face  
  
***Today more and more people are using mobile phones and computers. Thus, people are losing the ability to communicate face to face. To what extent do you agree or disagree?***  
  
Hi guys, this is first time I'm joining and posting essay on this forum. I have preparing for IELTS writting exam. Feel free to give your opinion and correct my mistakes. Thank you!  
  
**ANSWER**  
  
A lot of people nowaday argue that applied technology into life lead to lack of humanity communicate in person by using smart phones and online platforms. I hardly disagree with this opinion, because I belive that can bring people closer more than anytime of human's histories have ever had.  
  
People's lives are much more convenient to connect with each other since these technology products came into life. First, just only need one of smart phone, laptop or computer which accessed wifi and internet, people can make a tons of new friends and potential partners by one click, and asking them to hang out for dating, enjoin to party, new projects or sharing hobbies, stuffs. For example, the founder of Facebook, the most popular social media platform, started first idea of helping his fellows had more easier to getting acquaintance with their crush, after that he is successed to connect people around the world together. Further more, these media can connect long-term and solid relationship than just face-to-face conversation. Infact, a lot of couples get married by the help of matching new one and buil strong relationship through using those technology products via online social media.  
  
Applied information technology also bring varied benefits and valuable advantages for society. Firstly, it allows people finding more opportunities to connecting and collaborating in work, study, career or future plans. In case of graduated student, they can seek their major jobs which hired employment on some of platforms like Mywork, Linkedin, Sharejob,... and get contact with an employer or companies for applied their profile and portfolio to get an interview and a dream job. Beside that, those things could healed community and solved issues. When a cleaning environment challenge spreaded out on internet, a lot of people, especially young generation, created a tons of volunteer teams and groups to gathering together, starting offline activities and then reducing trash and cleaning their local areas, dumping grounds and planting green trees around their living region.  
  
In conclusion, these technology products such as mobile phone, computer are the important factors which can connect people together for happier and better in real life, so I totally disagree that using these could make the meetings are happened less than do not use.
Hi! I have some suggestions for you:  
  
"~~applied~~ applying technology into life"  
"humanity communicate in person" --> in-person communication  
"more than anytime of human's histories have ever had." --> more than ever before.  
"histories" --> we only have 1 --> history  
  
"For example, the founder of Facebook, the most popular ..."  
--> This example is irrelevant to your points.  
  
There are some typos: "belive" --> believe, "buil" --> build, etc.  
  
I think that you should work on grammar and spelling more for a better essay!
Hello! Here are my suggestions. Hope this helps:  
+ nowadays  
+ make ~~a~~  tons of new friends  
+ ... sharing hobbies, ~~stuffs~~. You should replace this word by using the phrase "and so on"  
  
+ after that he ~~is successed~~ succeeded to ... the world ~~together~~  
+ ... get married ~~by~~  with the help of  
+ it allows people ~~finding~~  to find more opportunities to connect~~ing~~ and collaborate~~ing~~   
  
+ In the case of graduated students  
+ Besides ~~that~~, those things could heal~~ed~~ community and solv~~ed~~ issues.  
+ these technological products  
+ make the meetings ~~are happened~~ happenless than
You are not writing the right amount of words to help you get a better passing score with your essay. By writing 372 words, you ended up using all your time writing. You did not leave enough time to proof read your work. So your essay ended up with a significant number of spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors. All of which you could have corrected if you wrote less (250-290 words) and focused on polishing your content instead.  
  
One of the most significant errors in this essay is your prompt paraphrase. Your representation is confusing. It does not make sense to the reader and it does not clearly restate the original prompt. While you gave a notable extent response to the question, your statement is incomplete as it does not have a subject in the sentence. That whole paragraph is just a big incoherent mess. You should aim to present a clearer presentation next time:  
  
*The advent of portable communication devices and gadgets have allowed people to communicate without the need to be physically present with one another. This has resulted in a lessening of the ability of a the population to have person to person interactions. I hardly disagree with this opinion because I believe **electronic communication** ( The subject of the sentence) can bring people closer together than one on one talk time.*  
  
You should not be writing more than 20 sentences for this presentation. Your current discussion is just rambling on, without really getting to the point. There is a lack of clarity in your discussion because you just kept on writing, without focusing on clearly connecting the 2 reasoning paragraphs using related explanations in every reasoning paragraph.  
  
By the way, you cannot use 2 successive punctuation marks in one sentence. Either use a comma or use an ellipses. This is becoming a common error among students. This is also a very serious GRA error that will definitely affect your score.  
  
With regards to your concluding paragraph, you need to work on your presentation. You just created a run-on sentence that does not reflect the previous discussion talking points. You should be able to do that in at least 3 sentences.
Hello friends... Please kindly review my writing.  
  
**## A big salary is much more important than job satisfaction.

  
*Do you agree or disagree?***  
  
Although high wages are believed as a prominent part of delighted life rather than a sense of satisfaction, I stand on with the opposite because many employees are concern more about the contentment in their work environment in order to pursue their passion.  
  
Employees who receive high remuneration in their company have a high tendency to feel pleased. This is because people have the capability to procure a high standard of lifestyle. Not only the fulfillment of the basic needs but they also able to purchase luxurious items. Times released that since 2000, a career in the banking industry is popular in several countries. Although the clerks have numerous job duties with a tight deadline, 80% of them are keeping the job due to lavish house, branded fashion items, and fancy car, which are purchased from the high income. Conversely, bigger incentives cannot be the right measurement of happiness because money could not buy anything.  
  
More and more people are passionate about their job and this might boost job satisfaction in the workspace. Doing any job desk based on employee's interests would give them extra energy and the bigger possibility of career path improvements. Hence, workers tend to be less stressed and deepen their self-confidence. As an Indonesian well-known writer, Ahmad Fuadi had resigned from his former job in the entertainment industry because he cannot pursue his real happiness and he cannot maximize his talent. Moreover, since he actuates his extraordinary talent as a writer, his best novel was sold massively every period.  
  
In conclusion, satisfying when doing every job is a huge consideration rather than a high financial reward because of passionate interest. Besides, money cannot guarantee happiness.
Hi Elsa,  
  
You have a wide range of vocabulary and it is great. However, in order to improve your writing, you should learn how to deploy your arguments more logically and also more persuasive. Currently, your opinion is not very clear - perhaps it is because of the lack of clear topic sentences.  
  
In addition, I recommend you to not give exact data figures (80%), in real exams, you do not have access to the Internet to research these stats.
As a learner, I have some feedback for you:  
  
1. You use a wide range of vocabulary and it is easy to read.  
  
2. You misunderstand the type of this essay. It is agree or disagree type, so you need to express a clear opinion that you agree or disagree with the statement. However, you can partially disagree with one side of the statement by giving other ideas to support one side. You cannot discuss both views like you did.  
  
3. I will disagree with the statement and my supporting ideas of job satisfaction are good working environment, professional and friendly colleagues and good benefits like insurance, health care.
Many thanks for your comments. I hope that I got the structure of the discussion essay correct. If not, please show me the way to do it.  
  
***TOPIC: More developing countries are given aid from international organizations to help them in their development plans. Some people argue that financial aid is important but others suggest that practical aid and advice are more important.***  
  
## Discuss both views and give your opinion.

  
  
**WORD COUNT: 289.**  
  
Many nations, nowadays, are receiving financial support from international sources; and people are having different views about this. While some believe the monetary investment is very effective, I share the view with people who think that having nonfinancial supports is a better solution.  
  
Financial aid is practical, necessary support to countries in many cases. It may come under various forms, including money, workforce, and machines, for instance. Without this support from external bodies, many countries may not be able to launch crucial works. To take an example, Africa has been accessing the resources from the World Bank and several nations to build roads, more hospitals, and schools for the citizens. These basic facilities are built from the availability of the financial resource.  
  
However, advice and nonfinancial support can also bring immense benefits. Firstly, sending experts oversea is a common option that many governments do. These professional individuals can share valuable skills and experiences with local peers, and in many cases, offer technology transference. The knowledge and tools gained are not only helpful to a single project but also the future ones to come. To illustrate, the first subway system in Vietnam came from the cooperation between Japanese and domestic engineers. Secondly, wealthy economies can sign commercial contracts with developing countries. These agreements will encourage trades between nations, leading to sustainable development for all parties. In my opinion, I find that attaining mutual benefits is the most ideal solution, therefore, I am on this side of the argument.  
  
In conclusion, there are indeed different ways that a country can help another. Financial assistance help achieve realistic goals, whereas, nonfinancial support may bring more values in the long-term for associated countries. It seems to me that the second method is better.
**TOPIC** ***Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think might be effective?***  
  
## rising the price of petrol is not a solution

  
  
It is undeniable that traffic and environmental problems from using vehicles have become alarming situations nowadays. However, using a simple way of rising cost of petrol will not only have no results but also bring more drawbacks than usual, therefore, people must adopt other solutions which can address this.  
  
I firmly believe that rising the price of fossil fuels is not going to curtail the number of drivers using vehicles such as private cars and motorbikes; thus, it will not minimize the effects on the traffic and environment. Furthermore, that situation can lead to the fact that the cost of transportation can go up and make travellers meet more dilemmas and difficulties while they have to spend more than usual to travel every day.  
  
I believe without a doubt that instead of increasing the price of the resources, people have to concentrate on developing a new kind of petrol which is environmental friendlier while its cost is nearly unchanged when compared to the main sorts of petrol that we are using. Thus, this would be a more effective strategy for improving a clean atmosphere after persuading civilians to start using this alternative choice. To tackle the traffic congestion issue, the most operative action is to improve the choice of public transport so that people can have lots of available services to travel which is more affordable and convenient than using their own vehicles; therefore, traffic on the roads would be dramatically reduce.  
  
To conclude, i strongly disagree that rising the price of petrol can be a solution for the traffic congestion and environmental issues, instead, only by using a cleaner resources and improve public transportation services would these problems be solved.
Your prompt paraphrase inaccurate. You are also making claims that are not included in the original presentation. This indicates that you are trying to change the discussion topic and discussion format for the essay. You will lose points for that. Always be accurate. Always indicate a clear restatement, without exaggerations. Outline your response to the questions so that you will have an easy to refer to guide for your topic content when writing the essay. A better restatement would have been:  
  
*Due to the increasing traffic jams and greenhouse effects, a suggestion has been made regarding the cost of gasoline in relation to solving the previously mentioned problems. It has been implied that multiplying the cost of fuel in relation to use should produce a satisfactory solution to the problems diesel fuel causes. I strongly oppose this solution. In place of this, I suggest that using alternative energy sources for transport vehicles would be a more viable solution to the problems.*  
  
The prompt paraphrase should represent the topic statement, the response to the question, and a direct response to the additional question. Compare my version with yours and you can clearly see why my version would receive the better TA score. It address all of the required TA scoring elements from the start, leaving the rest of the scoring considerations to be scored better as well as the discussion has been clearly outlined already.  
  
Try to use the punctuation marks in a manner that will still help you avoid run-on sentences. All paragraphs need to be composed of 3-5 sentences. So, using a a semi-colon in a sentence does not mean you properly met the paragraph formatting and GRA requirements. You need to make sure you present the right number of sentences first, then use the punctuation marks within the paragraph properly, second.  
  
For this type of essay, you can use up to 3 reasoning paragraphs:  
Reasoning 1: The defense of your extent response  
Reasoning 2: Defense of your 1st alternative measure with proper supporting examples  
Reasoning 3: (optional) Defense of your 2nd alternative measure with supporting examples  
  
As of now, your reasoning paragraphs are not well developed. You lack supporting examples and more reasons to support the topic sentence. Avoid using 2 topics per paragraph. Use only 1 topic per paragraph so you can clearly develop your explanations as per scoring guidelines.