dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Your essay is good but relies heavily on word fillers such as:  
- First and foremost,beyond the shadow of the doubt  
- Last but not least  
- In conclusion  
  
Avoid the use of word fillers. Although it shows that you know how to use certain English phrases, word fillers are often the cause of phrase usage errors among ESL students. An ENL speaker does not rely on word fillers for their written or spoken English. Speak direct to the point. Utilize the use of topic sentences rather than word fillers to start your paragraph. That way the reader immediately gets an idea of what the discussion in that paragraph will be about.  
  
You are also relying too much on the use of commas in the presentation of your ideas. Ideas are better presented using a mix of punctuation marks. The most commonly used is the period or the full stop. That indicates a complete thought process in a sentence. Avoid using 2 ideas in one sentence. That creates a run-on presentation. You may use an Oxford comma only to list connected words in a list such as ; Harvard,Oxford, or Stanford.  
  
While it is nice to see that you have an "advanced" English vocabulary of sorts, the use of these archaic words make the essay sound unnatural. You should practice using everyday English words, phrases, and other colloquialisms. This will show a more practical side to the way you use the English language. You will also score better in the international English tests when you show this natural ability to write in English.  
  
You have good reasoning in this essay. The grammar may not be perfect but you still managed to explain yourself in an understandable manner. You should brush up on your sentence exercises to learn more about how to naturally format an English sentence.
As mentioned previously, i appreciate the idea that you want to show your vocabulary, i believe having a more clear and simple sentence will impress the markers more.  
  
First and foremost > Firstly  
beyond the shadow of the doubt > without doubt  
  
Besides, just for your reference, you may also say these exams can assess people's level of proficiency in English, while achieving execllent scores can offer candidates more options for international exchange or further their career path.  
  
Good luck :)
***Some people believe that all wild animals should be protected. Others say that only a few wild animals should be protected.***  
  
## **DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION.**

  
  
It is true that people hold different opinions to the extent to which wild animals should be protected. While some argue that the protection should be for only few wild animals, I firmly believe that all wild animals ought to be preserved.  
  
One the one hand, it is said that some animals do not bring any benefits to humans at all such as rats and some kinds of insects. These animals are not important to ecosystem and they are even harmful to humans 'lives. For example, rats eat food that human produced and spread viruses on their bodies and make humans infectious to some disease. Besides, some also indicated that we are overspend money on wild animals by building a lot of zoos and conservation sites to protect them and organizing numerous campaigns to raise people' s awareness about the importance of wild animal protection. This amount of money should be spent on solving issues of human beings such as hunger and property.  
  
One the other hand, I strongly agree with the viewpoint that all wildlife should be under protection. Firstly, each animal in nature plays certain role in the ecosystem, which benefits to us in one way or another. For example, in highland areas, thanks to worms, after heavy rains, soil is kept on the lands, whereby, alleviate floods and protect humans' lives. Secondly, wild animals are a rich resource for research. Scientists usually analyze wild animals and their exploration can acknowledge humans about nature and some show that some parts of a number of wild animals can be potential medicines.  
  
In conclusion, the debate of whether all or just few wild animals should be under protection is still constant. In my opinion, it is necessary to conserve all wild animal.
- Here is my suggestion for the example you gave regarding the presence of worms in paragraph 3:  
for example, the worms existents in the highland area are very important for soil fertility, and it was very good for supporting agricultural production. Besides that, the worms play a role in maintaining soil structure properly especially after heavy rains, preventing natural disasters such as landslides and floods.  
  
- I think in the conclusion paragraph, it will be better if you restate the 2 ideas discussed then give your implications or opinions.
You do not start the prompt paraphrase with a given opinion of the two points of view. The opening paragraph should be a clear paraphrase of 3 things:  
  
- The topics for discussion  
- The discussion reasons  
- The instruction for the discussion  
  
Your essay simply stated a personal opinion immediately, which shows that you do not know how to properly paraphrase the discussion points. For example, you could have said:  
  
*There are currently 2 factions of animal support organizations in existence. The first, are the animal activist groups that tend to support the idea that free roaming fauna must be given security. The second group, believe that there should be a selective method of securing beasts in the wild. By considering reasons from each group, I shall develop a clear personal opinion regarding this discussion.*  
  
The reasoning paragraphs are in error because of the formatting problem. The presentation should be based on the 3 reasoning paragraph system composed of:  
- POV 1 / Reason  
- POV 2/ Reason  
- Personal opinion / Reason  
  
While you did somewhat represent the public point of view in the first reasoning paragraph, you failed to properly discuss the second point of view prior to the presentation of your personal opinion. Therefore, your essay will be considered only party responsive to the task, with some discussions better developed than your other discussion points. It isn't a very good reasoning presentation and will definitely lower your final score. It is important to cover all the discussion points in your presentation so that you can maximize your scoring potential.
## Uk adolescents following the vegetarian diet

  
  
I cannot upload the image of the graph directly so i will leave its link here: drive.google.com/file/d/1AUahgUJI4kbVyrtQJSZHmJipOdD6JlBZ/view?usp=sharing  
  
I'm aiming for band 7.5 in writing. I hope you can help me evaluate my essay whether it is qualified enough for that band and which part i should practice more.  
  
Thank you in advance!  
  
The line graph illustrates how the percentage of teenagers who followed a vegetarian diet had changed over the period from 1960 to 2019 and predict its trend in 2020. The investigation was conducted in the UK.  
  
Overall, vegetarian diet was more popular among adolescents in 2019 than in the first year of the shown period. Moreover, it is assumed that in 2020, this trend will continue to increase, however, slightly, from over 10% to nearly 15%.  
  
Looking at the details, the period from 1960 to 1980 witnessed a dramatic increase in the prevalence of green diet with its peak at approximately 17%. However, after that peak, it decreased significantly to only 7% in the next 10 years before fluctuating until falling to 5% in 2000.  
  
Consequently, in the first 10 years of the 21th century, the tendency of consuming a green meal among young adults seemed to rise noticeably, with its figure being 12%, which nearly doubled the record in the last 10 years. After that, the trend remained quite stable and is predicted to have a moderate rise in the last year of the period.
Hi,  
  
I am not familiar with IELTS, so I am not really sure.  
It was tough to read the task on the google drive.  
  
But reading from your essay, I would say it's good that you mentioned periods where there were an increase/decrease and what that increase/decrease means.  
  
Perhaps in addition, you could talk about beyond the graph. For example, in 2020, where is the graph going ?  
  
I hope this helps.
## Spaced Repetition

  
  
Having good strategies in college can indeed help you study more efficiently and have a good result. One of the most popular methods recommended is Spaced Repetition. I agree with the view that Spaced Repetition is an effective learning strategy. There are some points of my view on Spaced Repetition.  
  
Some people believe that Spaced Repetition Strategy is not a good learning strategy and we should not use it. If we used Spaced Repetition, we would need extra effort and self-discipline. It does not apply to a person who wants to see their marked progress quickly because Spaced Repetition will give you a long schedule to study. Another disadvantage is that Spaced Repetition cannot be used for some subjects, which do not have to remember too much information.  
  
While it is reasonable to say that Space Repetition is not beneficial to some people due to their learning styles, it is still an effective learning strategy for most people because of the framework it provides.  
  
Firstly, it is worth considering Spaced Repetition's effectiveness on Long-term memory. Spaced Repetition is Space out learning/ practice of new knowledge/ skills to make knowledge more familiar, reduce forgetting knowledge, and put knowledge to Long-term memory. It will help to retain too much knowledge for a long time because Long-term memory has a limitless store, while Short-term memory is limited to certain information. Moreover, Long-term memory is considered a source of knowledge. The knowledge only can be useful when we can remember it and apply to a practical case.  
  
Secondly, Spaced Repetition's time-blocks on scheduling learning activities which will be beneficial on storing information and on learning specifically. For example, Spaced Repetition computer software can advise us on an optimal gap to study and review knowledge. It can come up with a plan with optimal intervals base on the due day. When we create an exam study schedule, we can be proactive in learning and reviewing knowledge.  
  
Lastly, Spaced Repetition's effectiveness in regular revisiting information before exams and on learning outcomes. The fact that most of us forgot anything we learned in high school. We just study and review before a day of a test. It makes us overwhelming before a large of knowledge. We can use Spaced Repetition to overcome the test easily. For example, we can quickly review our flashcards, questions, ... which we made in some Spaced Repetition software such as Anki, SuperMemo, etc. I disagree with some people who suppose that Spaced Repetition needs a lot of time to review. We just review what we forgot, what is not familiar. With the preparation for a long time, we will be more confident when we take exams.  
  
In conclusion, Spaced Repetition may be the most powerful strategy for improving the brain's ability to remember and recall what we study. It can help us retain more information, study more efficiently, and spend less time reviewing our material.
You should have done one extra step in the opening paragraph. You should have taken the time to explain what spaced repetition is all about to your reader. Always assume that your reader is not a person familiar with the topic you are writing about. The clarity of your essay and opinion will be helped by the explanation regarding the term and what it represents. It gives the reader an idea of what space repetition is all about and why it would be helpful as a learning tool to students.  
  
You should be presenting both sides of this argument for the essay. When you say that some people indicate it should not be used as a learning tool, explain why they believe that. Upon completely explaining the argument, you may then, in the next paragraph oppose the argument completely. By using an alternating discussion format, you will be able to fully explain both sides of the argument in the essay. You may also opt to do the pro-con argument within the same paragraph if you wish. However, if it will run long, you should consider using alternating paragraphs instead.  
  
You do not really present a convincing argumentative essay in this case. You are solely focused on defending your opinion rather than comparing the arguments / reasons coming from both sides. I would not call this a convincing argumentative essay because it lacks a discussion of alternating reasons. In an argumentative essay, you should be able to convince the reader to believe your side through the use of a balanced discussion and presentation of supporting reasons or evidence. That is not completely seen in this essay due to the improper format of your presentation.
## elder people aged 65 and over in three countries

  
  
The graph shows the changes of the population 65 aged and over in 3 countries namely Japan, Sweden and USA.  
Overall, the percentage of the elderly people in Sweden and USA will contienue increasing, while Japanese population is predicted to be younger than 2 other ones.  
  
In 1940, there was just under 10% of American who were 65 aged or upper and this figure gradually rose to 15% in 1980. At the same time, that of Sweden signigficantly increased to approximately from 5% to just under 15% in and then reached the highest point of 20% over the next 25 years.  
  
Between 1940 and 2000, the percentage of the elderly Japanese slightly decreased by 2.5% and recovered to 5%. In the period from 2000 to 2040, Japan's population is expected to boom and become the oldest among 3 countries.
You have not written the minimum 150 word count for this essay. Point deductions shall be implemented for the missing 21 words. Since you are under the word count, you cannot expect to get a passing score with this essay. You must write the minimum number of words, and follow the required format for the presentation in order to be considered for a passing score.  
  
The paragraph format requires 3-5 sentences per section. That is the sentence presentation format that will assure you of meeting the 150 minimum word requirement. With any luck, you may even write more and end up with a higher possibility of achieving a higher overall score. As of now, your essay cannot be accurately reviewed for 2 reasons:  
  
- Lack of image. Upload it to the server. For security purposes, we do not allow the accessing of exterior links. Students who choose to access exterior links provided risk their computer systems being infected with viruses, trojans, malware, and other security threats. The forum will not be liable for any damages that may happen to your system when you access exterior links.  
  
- 2 lack of word count. An essay that does not meet the minimum word requirements stands to automatically fail the test. Hence,it will be useless to review your work for content and other errors.
If you are going to be writing an argumentative essay, then you need to know how to debate. That means, you need to learn to look for the weak points in the reasoning of the opposition, then discuss that weakness in your essay. In contrast, you should also know how to expect opposition from your discussion and defend your stand.  
  
So, in an argumentative essay, you should deliver the following discussion points:  
- The weak points of the opposite argument, the strength of your argument  
- Expected rebuttal points (weaknesses of your own discussion)  
- Defense for the rebuttal points (why the perceived problems or weakness are not as it seems. This is based on the opposite point of view.)  
  
When you enter into an argument, you should strengthen your argument by discussing a balanced presentation of both sides. In this essay, you focus only on the defense of your opinion. You do not expect to be opposed in the discussion. You should be presenting opposing arguments and defending against it. You may use the POV of the non-gmo supporters for the rebuttal discussion. Then, you should also look for the weakness of the non-GMO supporters and discuss it fully. For example, you did not really explain why their belief that GMO foods are bad for our health. That is an opposing point that you could have argued against in the essay.  
  
The essay you wrote is solely defending your side of the discussion. It is not arguing the pros and cons as it should be doing. The cons were not discussed till the very end, and only in one paragraph. That is not how the argumentative essay works. You need to use a balanced discussion presentation for this essay. Use at least 2 key points for each side of the discussion, if that is allowed in your writing exercise.  
  
By the way, GMO's are scientifically altered. Do not describe it as unnaturally altered. Use the correct term at all times because the argumentative essay requires precise vocabulary usage to strengthen your point of view.
**Task 2:  
Some *people think that a huge amount of time and money is spent on the protection of wild animals, and that this money could be better spent on the human population.***  
  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

  
  
Some people argue that time and money investments on wild animals are too large and these investments should be spent on humans. I completely disagree with this point of view.  
  
Firstly, in my opinion it is absurd to argue the investment on wild animal protection is redundant. It is true that in recent years, we have been organized numerous campaigns to raise people 'awareness about the importance of wild animal protection and erected parks and animal conservation sites to protect animals, which can cost a fortune. However, it appears that there are several other areas which are burning money of human such as nuclear energy and space exploration. Take space exploration as an example, the budget of a rocket production is far higher than that of a zoo. Similarly, the training fee for a zoo keeper is nowhere near as expensive as that of an astronaut. Hence, the financial investment on wild animal protection is nothing comparing with that of other fields.  
  
Secondly, wild animals play a crucial role in humans' lives. Protecting animals means protecting their habitats which are instrumental in balancing the ecosystem. If wild animals die out, the ecosystem is destroyed. As a result, humans are likely to face with extreme weather such as climate changes and other disasters. Besides, wild animals is a rich source of science research. Scientists usually do some observe and analyze the manners and behaviors of those species and their exploration after that can broaden the knowledge of human about nature even some of them are considered as foundation for human research.  
  
In conclusion, in my opinion the investment we spent on animals is money-worthy and wild animals protection is always a matter of importance.
While your essay is grammatically imperfect, it is nice to see that you understood exactly how to discuss the topic based on the given instruction. I am even more pleased that you focused your reasoning paragraphs in the proper manner. That is, you focused on strengthening your your opinion using strong reasons. However, you should have used more "emotional" or "measured" words to continue to the "extent" form of discussion in your reasoning paragraphs.  
  
Some of the "emotional" or "extent" words you could have used in your topic sentences are:  
  
I firmly believe that...  
I greatly disagree because...  
I staunchly believe that...  
I decidedly support the opinion that...  
  
The extent essay measures your ability to support your opinion based on a specific set of vocabulary words. All of these words convey a strong emotion, while also allowing you to highlight the range of your grammar skills. This is an advanced form of opinion discussion and you properly proved your ability to explain yourself, albeit in imperfect, but understandable English sentences, in the discussion paragraphs. Very good job!  
  
In relation to your discussion skills. You should do more English language exercises. Sentence formation games and exercises that are freely available online should be able to help you do that. Try to immerse yourself more in English environments. Anything from reading materials to sub-titled movies will help you improve your language writing skills.  
  
However, you failed to properly format your opening and concluding paragraphs. These should have at least 3 sentences each that show your ability to restate the discussion points. For the original prompt, you have to provide the following:  
  
- A restatement of the topic  
- Reason for the discussion  
- Your response to the discussion instruction / question  
  
For the concluding summary, provide the following:  
- A restated topic (same topic, different presentation)  
- Restate your opinion  
- Reason 1  
- Reason 2  
- Closing sentence  
  
You can offer up to 5 sentences per summary if you wish to kick up your TA score. I am very pleased with the clarity of your opinion, even though your sentence formation needs more work. You should be happy with this essay that you wrote, it shows your potential to pass the test. Just make sure to improve on your sentence structure so that your grammar presentation will be smoother and clearer to the reader. Right now, there is a slight difficulty in understanding your statements, but not to the point where you cannot be understood. You somehow, manage to make yourself understood using well developed paragraphs that highlight:  
  
- A topic sentence  
- An explanation  
- An example  
- An opinion that further supports your reason, topic for the paragraph, and the example.  
  
Like I said, you need to clean up the language presentation. You have the potential to get a high score so don't stop practicing. I hope to help you achieve a higher than average passing score in the future.
## charging the corporations for waste-cleaning up

  
  
The first point worth mentioning is that charging the corporations for waste-cleaning up will make them fully aware of the negative consequences of pollution. Therefore, they can develop a way to enhance the standard of their equipment as well as cutting down on industrial waste from the production process such as packaging, testing, etc. The policy implemented by the Holland government in 2016 could be a great example that said that every company and individual must be responsible for the cleaning fees of the pollution that they made. This measure had led to a reduction in the amount of household and industrial waste.  
  
Another significant point is that this can also ease the pressure on the government's budget. As a result, the authorities will be able to invest significant funds in other areas like education, health care, or scientific research, which would benefit society as a whole. According to a survey made by Princeton University, the living standard of Japanese people had witnessed an increase when this country's government decided not to spend money on cleaning up the pollution caused by corporations.
The essay does not meet the minimum word requirement of 250 words. You only have 182 words written. The paragraphs you presented are only the reasoning paragraphs. Your writing is incomplete and will not get a passing score in an actual setting.  
  
The essay should have a paragraph for the prompt paraphrase and the presentation of your extent opinion at the start of the essay. That is the introduction paragraph that contains the discussion outline based on your response to the given question. After that, your 2 reasoning paragraphs come in then finally, the concluding summary closes the essay. As such, I cannot truly assess your work based on the required information.  
  
Though your essay seems to be focused on a particular opinion and discussion topics, the problem, is that I cannot assess how responsive your essay is to the discussion presentation due to the missing 2 paragraphs. I will not review this for grammar because the format is lacking / incorrect. Make sure to present a completely developed essay for review next time. I cannot give partial reviews for partial essays. That will not be helpful to you.