dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**IELTS writing Task 1 about how much money a city council gave to book clubs and the club members**  
  
(NB: i am sorry i cannot insert the graph pictures because the image in my book)  
  
A breakdown of the amount of fund that a city government contributes to book associations during four years period is measured in pound sterling and the total members of book clubs are shown by line graphs. Taking everything into consideration, the number of book association members and the sum of fund given by a city council had increase trends in both of them.  
  
The sum of fund was given by a city ruler in the first year stood at 20,000 and was reached a peak at 40,000 in the third years. Moreover, there was a decreased trend of the sum money of a city government was given to book clubs in the fourth year by 5000. In the other hand, the number of book club members reached 6,000 and continued by gradually decreased to 5000 in the second year.  
  
There was an increased dramatically the number of club members in the third year at 10,000 and reached a peak at 12,000 in the fourth year. Furthermore, in the second year to third year, there was the same raise trend between the sum of fund was given by a city government and the number of book club members.
Hello dioba.  
personally, i really appreciated your essay. you have a good essay.  
but, i want to give you some suggestion for your essay because there are some corrections especially in writing "facts/trends"  
  
as noun [Adj (noun)+ Vern (noun)] e.g. a dramatic increase / a sharp decrease etc.  
as verb [Verb+Adj] e.g. increased dramatically / decreased sharply etc.  
  
The sum of fund ~~was~~ given by (...) stood at 20,000 and ~~was~~ reached a peak at 40,000 in the third year~~s~~ . Moreover, there was a decrease~~d~~ trend of the sum money of a city government ~~was~~ given to book ...  
  
... club members reached *as much as* 6,000 and continued by a gradual~~ly~~ decrease~~d~~ to 5000 ...  
  
There was a *dramatic increase*~~increased dramatically~~ of the number of club ...  
Furthermore, ~~in~~*from* the second year to (...) between the sum of fund ~~was~~ given by a city ...  
  
well done. keep writing and good luck!
Hello! I will give you some opinions about your essay.  
  
You can find it on google or capture it by your phone.  
  
(1) ... measured in pound sterling, and the total ...  
(2) ... and the sum (...) had an increase trends ...  
  
(3) Moreover, there was a decreased trend of the sum money of a city government that was given ...  
*Correct me if I am wrong. Please kinda check your sentence again in 'a decrease trend' because it should be a noun phrase which contains article, adjective and noun. Meanwhile your sentence contains of article verb and noun*  
  
(4) ... club members reached at 6,000 and continued by ~~gradually decreased~~a gradual decrease to 5000 ...  
  
(5) There was ~~an increased dramatically~~a dramatical increase in the number of ...
The first chart informs about the number of the fish kind that is caught in near Westhaven. The second chart shows the kinds of small water vehicle that used in the same place. Overall, the number of Tuna and Swordfish that are caught as many as fishing boats that are used in Westhaven.  
  
Firstly, the above chart talks the highest number of Tuna fish that is gotten at 110 thousand in 2011 and it has different total with three years before by 30 thousand. The opposite said that in 2008 is the lowest total of Tuna that is approximately 90 thousand. The catching of Tuna always increases from 2008 to 2011 with different total about 10 thousand. Secondly, the another data talk about the highest number of Swordfish which is caught always increasing trend, except is decreasing in 2010 at approximately 70 thousand. The highest number of Swordfish is resulted in 2010, same with the number of Tuna about 100 thousand. Not only the Swordfish has the highest value, but also it has the smallest number between 60 and 70 thousand.  
  
The small vehicle water, fishing boats, that is used to catch the kind of fish, mainly Tuna and Swordfish, shows the lowest number of total of fishing boats which used in Westhaven about 40 thousand in 2010. The opposite said that the biggest number about 70 thousand in 2011. The three data before, from 2008 to 2010, have no different significantly in each year.
Hallo yuri.. here i try to give you some notes..  
  
First of all you need to put the picture if chart in your essay so it will not be indecisive.. you can search it on the internet and attach it.  
  
Now i am going to correct about your grammatical errors  
  
**... caught in near Westhaven WHILE the second chart shows ...  
2. You did not put any year or time condition in the paraphrasing of the question. YOU MUST PUT IT..  
SO IT MUST BE :  
  
*... vehicle that used in the same place between 2008 and 2011.  
... and Swordfish that were caught as many as fishing boats that were used in Westhaven***.  
  
Good luck
... of small water vehicle that ~~used~~ (use) in the same place.  
... as many as fishing boats ~~that~~ are used in Westhaven.  
  
... number of Tuna fish that ~~is~~(was) gotten at (...) and it ~~has~~(had) different total ~~with~~(in) three years ...  
... that in 2008 ~~is~~(was) the lowest (of) total of Tuna ~~that is~~(at) approximately 90 thousand. The catching of Tuna always ~~increases~~(increased) from 2008 to 2011 with ...  
  
Secondly, the ~~another~~(other) data talk about (...) which ~~is~~(was) caught always ~~increasing~~(increasingly)~~trend~~ , except ~~is decreasing~~(it decreased) in 2010 at ...  
The highest number of Swordfish ~~is~~(was) resulted in 2010, ...  
Not only the Swordfish ~~has~~(had) the highest value, but it also ~~it~~~~has~~(had) the smallest number ...
Hello! I will give you some opinions about your essay.  
  
Firstly, you did not mention any year in your introduction.  
  
(1) ... about the number of ~~the~~ fish ~~kind~~type that is caught ~~in~~ near Westhaven.  
(2) ... shows the kind~~s~~ of small water vehiclevehicles that was used in ...  
  
(3) Firstly, the above chart*(I suggest you to not to use this sentence again in your essay)*~~talks~~shows/ reveals/ gives the information about the highest number of Tuna fish that ~~is gotten~~was caught at 110 thousand in 2011 and it ~~has~~had different ~~total~~number with three years ...  
  
(4) The opposite said that*(Who is the opposite?)* in 2008 ~~is~~was the lowest total of Tuna that ~~is~~was approximately 90 thousand.  
  
*After I check your all essay, I found that you have a problem with the tenses. You use simple present tense that it should be simple past tense due to the year*  
  
*Furhtermore, you mentioned 'the opposite said that' for several times. What did you mean? Who is the opposite? The data never said anything but shows and reveals to reader*
**Bar Chart 3 : Imprisonment in Five Different Countries**  
  
A breakdown of the information about imprisonment in five different nations during six year period is shown in the bar chart. Overall, while other countries showed a declined trend, Great Britain and United States experienced an upward trend during period.  
  
According to the graph, during 1930 to 1950, Great Britain was appeared a significant proportion in the number of prisoners. In contrasted, Australia and New Zealand had faced a decreased rate of imprisonment during this period. However, both United States and Canada were showed a fluctuated trend. Surprisingly, by 1930, New Zealand and United States had the same proportion in the number of prisoners at 100,000.  
  
A more detailed look at the graph revealed that in 1960-1980, a number of offenders in Great Britain increased gradually. It was also followed by New Zealand prisoners which showed an inclined trend during this time. In contrasted, other states were appeared a fluctuated rate in the proportion of prisoners. Interestingly, by 1970, it had seen that there were three countries experienced the same proportion at about 60,000.
Hi, let me give some advice, perhaps useful for you.  
1. First of all, you should put the image of the chart, to make other people easy to follow your essay.  
2. For IELTS task writing 1, in the introduction, you have to put proper information including:  
-paraphrase the statement and make it more interesting for reader.  
- put the measurement to measure about the graph ( example: .... and is measured in percent/ton/million, depend on the chart)  
- put the overall to make clear the view.  
3.In contrast~~ed~~
**Hello @mem77 I just wanna focus on your grammatical and let me give you some corrections about it :)**  
  
..., Great Britain and the United States experienced an upward trend during [the] period  
  
..., Great Britain ~~was~~ appeared a significant ...  
... New Zealand and [the] United States had the same proportion ~~in~~ =>of the number of prisoners at 100,000.  
  
... that in 1960-1980, ~~a~~ number=> incorrect article=> the number of offenders in ...  
... other states ~~were~~ appeared a fluctuated rate...  
  
**Keep writing :) Good Luck ^\_^**
**People are spending more time on the internet rather than real human beings.**  
  
Over recent decades, online communities have become accepted worldwide. Even though people are more likely to spend their leisure time on online rather than local communities, I prefer to enjoy passing time with social contact because it strength our relationship bond.  
  
Social interface has brought enormous benefits in our life. If people more focus on our social gathering such as birthday parties, marriage ceremonies and other parties rather than networking on the internet. Thus, friends, relatives, families will more active to take caring of relationship in many ways that will lead the sense of communication among them. In addition to this, man naturally seems to like meeting with one another because it is one kind of needs of human.  
  
People; however, are more likely to use the web sites such as Facebook, Twitter these day. This tendency has certain benefit, but it also has some ramification. The main drawback is the fact that we will probably spend more time on web that may creates a gap among family member especially in young and older. Older member of the family may not get much time to impart values, believe and norms to others member, who are more busy with online life. Thus, it cannot contribute to the development of personality of younger.  
  
To conclude, although the internet has undoubtedly been beneficial, I prefer spending more time on real interaction because there are good reasons to be concerned about social interaction in our societies. It is, therefore, important that we maintain a balance between our online life and our contact with real human beings.
Syeda, I am not sure if you replied to the provided prompt properly because you did not give us a complete copy of the prompt requirements. Do us a favor and post the complete prompt for our reference ok? We need to know if this paper was to be written as a personal opinion paper or what. The specifics can be gained from the original prompt. I have to point out that your essay has a tendency to present incomplete thoughts such as in the second sentence of the second paragraph. You forgot to state the topic of your sentence so it delivers an incomplete thought. As such, the paragraph would be better presented if you simply delete that line. Your overall discussion seems to be logical and, based upon the title of your essay, looks to be prompt responsive to a specific degree. Again, we need the original prompt in order to determine the extent of propriety of your response. I look forward to reading the actual prompt very soon so that I can further improve upon my advice to you.
Hello, @SYDA, I just want to give you few corrections of your grammatical usage in this essay :)  
Hope it will help you better :)  
  
... I prefer to (...) because=>"you should give the preposition "of" it strength our relationship bond.  
  
[The] Social interface has ...  
... focus on our social => gatherings such as ...  
  
... likely to use the ~~web sites~~ =>websites such as Facebook, Twitter ~~these~~ day=>this day. This tendency has [a] certain benefit, but ...  
... that may ~~creates~~ =>create [modals + V1] a gap among ...  
[The] Older member of (...) to impart values, ~~believe~~ =>belief and norms to others member, who are ~~more busy~~ => busier with online life.  
  
**Keep Writing and Good Luck :)**
The data give information about total of fish catch and total of fishing vessel used in Westhaven during 2008 to 2011. Overall, it can be seen that every total of fish caught increased the number of fishing boats rose as well.  
  
First of all, the first bar chart shows that during the time rate of tuna fish caught increased dramatically from 83 in 2008 to 110 in 2011. In the last period caught of tuna reached the highest value at 110. On the other word, rate of swordfish caught increased steadily by 100 in the fisrt two period, but their point decrease in the next period in 2010 at 78.  
  
On the other hand, the second data shows that the biggest total of fishing vessel was in 2011 at 79; while the lowest point was in 2010 at 48. Not only that, but also there was fascinating phenomenon, it was in 2008 total swordfish 83 and total fishing boat was 50, then in 2009, number of swordfish was 100 and number of fishing vessel was 55, it mean that every fishing boat increased total of swordfish rose as well.
Hello Syaikh,  
  
... information about ~~THE~~ total of fish ~~catch~~THAT IS CATCHED and ~~total~~THE QUANTITY of fishing vessel THAT IS used in Westhaven ~~during~~FROM 2008 to 2011  
  
1. ARTICLE THE---> DON'T FORGET PLACE IT  
  
2. CATCH (MENANGKAP) ---> VERB. THAT IS CATCHED (YANG DITANGKAP) ---> VERB IN PASSIVE FORM (  
  
3. AVOID REPETITION IN ONE SENTENCE. USE THE SYNONIM: TOTAL = AMOUNT = QUANTITY = SUM  
  
4. USED (MENGGUNAKAN) ---> VERB FOR PAST TENSE | THAT IS USED ----> VERB IN PASSIVE, FOR PASSIVE SIMPLE PRESENT.  
  
5. DURING ---> SELAMA . (USING LIKE THAT : DURING 5 YEARS). FROM ALWAYS FOLLOWED BY TO ----> FROM BLA BLA BLA TO BLA BLA BLA  
  
... be seen that ~~every total of fish caught increased [DOUBLE VERB] the number of fishing boats rose as well~~ . [VERY POOR SENTENCE STRUCTURE, AND WHAT THE MEANING OF THIS  
  
***Overall, it can be seen that the increasing of the number of fishes that was caught were followed with the raise of the fishing boats' quantity.***  
  
Since you don't upload your picture of the graph, I cannot continue my correction.
**Hello, @Bams17, Let me give you some suggestions :)**  
  
*The data give information about [the] total of fish ...* =>*It will be better if you just using simple present tense in your introductory paragraph because in here you just initial to reporting the results of the graph, pie chart, or table that you have seen. Then, put the information of data measurement it would be better for your introductory information.*  
  
*First of all, the first bar chart shows that during the time rate of ...*=>*I think your tenses in here are inconsistent, thus you must to just using one tense in here for making your sentences easier understandable.So, I suggest you for just using the past tense or present perfect tense in your body paragraph.*  
  
On the other word, [the] rate of swordfish (...) by 100 in the ~~fisrt~~ =>first two ~~period~~ =>periods , but their point ...  
  
Not only that~~,~~ => *no need to put comma* but also there (...) of fishing vessel was 55, it ~~mean~~ =>means that every fishing boat increased [the] total of ...  
  
**Hope my suggestions can help you better in the next written :) Keep writing and good Luck :)**
**What are the causes of water scarcity? What are your solutions?**  
  
Nowadays, many places in the world have difficulty to find water. There are several causes of this scarcity such as deforestation and increasing of water user. The solutions to tackle this matter are making water permeating area and rainwater harvesting.  
  
Water scarcity becomes common problem which happen in this era. A huge parts of the world facing this issue annually. Logging of forest makes declining in the number of tree populations where trees are the best water absorbent from nature. Plant will save and keep the amount of underground water supply thus when drought season comes, there is still water stock. However, deforestation makes dryness and water scarcity during drought season. Another reason is inclining the number of inhabitants thus more water is needed. Furthermore, water permeating areas are converted into housing along with the increasing of human population. Meanwhile, clean water source itself is still difficult to acquire.  
  
There are some solutions to overcome this issue. Firstly is creating water absorbent area. It can be done by tree planting such as making garden and city forest. These plants will make pores in the ground as channel to permeate water. Secondly is constructing rainwater harvesting. This way will be done if soil is not able to absorb water with maximal. We can say that this method is building water reservoir like well to keep stock of water by channelling rain water use pipes or gutters to the well.  
  
To sum up, reducing the number of plant population and overwhelming number of inhabitants who utilize water lead to water scarcity. Making absorbent area for water and constructing rainwater harvesting are the solutions which are able to overcome this problem
Hi Meireza, let me start by offering you some corrections regarding the terms you are using in this essay. For example, The proper reference to the act of looking for water is "water shortage". The water holding areas are more popularly known as a "watershed" or "water dams", if you want to use a more popular term, you can say "water storage areas". Regarding the inhabitants in an area, you should have said "increasing number of..." instead.  
  
I must commend you on the improvement in your writing style. You now display more coherence and logic in your discussions. There is a chronological order to the method of your evidence presentation and your reasons are understandable to the reader, even though there are some grammar mistakes. It doesn't create any confusion on the part of the reader. Good work. I hope to see your continued improvement in the coming days.
Hello Mey, Let me give you some corrections :)  
  
... common problem which happen*[subject verb is disagreement=> common problems which happen* in this era. A huge part~~s~~ of the world ...  
... along with the increasing ~~of~~the human population.  
  
Firstly is creating water absorbent=>water-absorbent area.  
... to keep stock of water by ~~channelling~~ =>channeling~~rain water~~ =>rainwater use pipes or ...  
  
**Hope it will help you better :)**
**TEACHERS SHOULD NOT MAKE THEIR POLITICAL OR SOCIAL VIEWS KNOWN TO STUDENTS**  
  
To commence, one of the compelling reasons that justifies the thesis is that students have a meager amount of time at schools. This invaluable time should be dedicated to assist learners to obtain knowledge in their field of interests. By speaking about a teacher's political or social views, students waste a great deal of time which in turns impede their learning process. Due to this fact, some countries prohibit any non-scientific topics in classrooms. According to a survey conducted by the Educational Ministry of my country, each year, forty-three percent of educational time at schools is wasted on irrelevant topics. This is near the half of total educational time. If we manage to stop this process, there will be a lot of time to improve students' scientific conditions.  
  
Another equally important reason, if not more, is that it is possible that some teachers utilize this opportunity to advocate their beliefs even if they are wrong. Since a person beliefs are unique and peculiar, one might have a belief that is detrimental for the rest of the society and eventually harm the society. While adults have mature mind and can deliberate on issues and recognize bad beliefs from good ones, children at school cannot do the same and blindly follow an idea. Extremist all around the world are good example of it. They teach small children that cannot distinguish between right and wrong and shape their personality and belief as they want. These children have more chance to become terrorist. This clearly shows that political and social beliefs of a teacher should not be negotiated in classrooms.
Hello @sinahector, Let me give you some corrections :)  
  
Firstly, I want to remind you that if in task 2, we need to give our "thesis statements" after paraphrasing the question statements. In your essay, you have already giving background statements, but your thesis statements are not clear. So, it will be better if before you give your further opinion, please put the statements which showing your opinion clearly by emphasizing it with words **"I totally agree or disagree with....."**.  
  
Remember these points to build your essay :  
after Introduction=> Break your reasons into two body Paragraph with clearly separation=>Then you can support each of your main reasons by giving one or two examples included the suitable results. So, in the final paragraph, you can give your conclusion statements by re-paraphrase your thesis statements in the introduction, and give your recommendation if you feel your words still less than the requirement of writing task 2.  
  
**I believe you have a good potential in writing, but it will be better if your writing style more structured again :) Keep Writing and Good Luck :)**
The line chart shows information about total of amount of money a city council presented to the book clubs during four year measured by pound sterling. Overall, it can be seen that total of money which is given by city council always bigger than total of the book clubs.  
  
Total money stood at 20,000 in the first year after that increase steadily by 3,000 in the second year from 20,000 followed by dramatic raise in the third year and peak at 40,000. However, in the last period the trend change decline dramatically by 37,000.  
  
On the other word, books club has reversed pattern with total money pattern. First of all, the data of book groups stood at 6000, then in the next year slight decline by 5000. In the third years, book clubs rise significantly by 10000. In addition, trend of book clubs always increase from the last 2 years and reached at 12000 in the last period.
Hello Syeikh Bambang, let me give you some suggestions:  
  
The line chart shows information about ~~total of amount of~~THE TOTAL / THE AMOUNT money OF~~a~~THE city council THAT IS presented to the book clubs during four ~~year~~YEARSTHAT IS measured by ~~pound sterling.~~ POUNDSTERLING  
1 THE TOTAL = THE AMOUNT ---> has same meaning. Use one of them  
  
2. Article "a" is used if you still don't know what it refer to. Article "THE" is used when you already know what the data refer to. It can be seen that your data refers to the table, so, use "THE" not "A"  
  
3. PRESENTED ---> past form. THAT IS PRESENTED ----> passive form. In your sentence, it looks like means passive form "diberikan, diukur menggunakan"  
  
4. FOUR YEAR"S" ----> PLURAL FORM.  
  
Overall, it can be seen that THE total of money which is given by THE city council IS always bigger than THE total of the book clubs. (WHAT IS YOUR MEANING? "UANG YANG DIBERIKAN OLEH PEMERINAH SELALU LEBIH BESAR DARIPADA JUMLAH KLUB BUKU". IT LOOKS LIKE "TIDAK NYAMBUNG".  
5. ARTICLE "THE" PROBLEM AGAIN  
  
5. IS ALWAYS BIGGER ---> DON'T FORGET USE VERB. A SENTENCE MUST CONTAIN SUBJECT AND VERB.  
  
Since you don't upload the picture of your task, sorry i can't continue my correction into your BODY PARAGRAPH.  
Next, you must upload it to make the contributor easier to correct it.  
  
BREAK A LEG AKHIII SOLEEEH