dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hello everyone, please give me some advice and help improve my writing skills, thanks!  
  
*Some people think that robots are very important for humans' future development. Others, however, think that robots are a dangerous invention that could have negative effects on society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.*  
  
## robots support the world's future development

  
  
Issues of robots have been a controversy throughout our generation. Robots are regarded as a significant development for humans' future. While some people argue that robots may lead to unexpectable negative effects on society. Personally, while the rapid improvements of robots, human shouldn't ignore the potential worry robots may lead to.  
  
When considering the argument of people who see robots as vital to the future world, there are undeniably uncertainties that could influence our society in dangerous ways. For instance, unemployment, robots can replace works with standardization which are in great demand such as writing news reports. More importantly, it is possible that robot might develop unpredictable intelligence which might do harm to the world.  
  
While those who worry about the negative impact on society, some people regard the issue with an optimistic attitude. Robots are precise and more logical than most employees in present, they can finish works that require perfection and accuracy such as doing surgery. With the support of robots, efficiency and precision may improve in the process of future development in the world.  
  
In my opinion, admittedly, robots play a vital role in the human future. Industries, techniques, even our lifestyles may change due to the attendance of robots on society. However, a rose has its thorns, while the great success benefits from robots, we should also take actions to prevent the negative impacts they may cause to our world.  
  
In conclusion, robots support the world's future development in multiple ways, and it is necessary for the public to consider the harm robots might lead to society at the same time.
Hello there ronia,  
  
At first, paragraph, when you are talking about the danger of Robots in short, If I was you, I would mention when Robots are going to change employers this will cause "apocalypse". Look, Most of the people are gonna lose their job which will cause a massive riot of disappointed ex-employers. In general, I agree that Robots would change the world to good but from another side of it, They \*WILL\* cause big problems in society.  
  
Thanks if you read this.  
  
Kind regards, Anri.
Please leave your comment and show me how to get high score...  
  
## south korean gamers 2003

  
  
Given are pie charts illustrating information about players of electronic games in South Korea in 2003.  
  
Overall, the main age of players dropped into people under 18 instead of over 36 or between 18 and 36. Significantly, the major gender of players was male, not female, in types of games they liked as action, sports, racing, education, role-playing and others.  
  
Firstly, male playing electronic games took account a large proportion (72%), as nearly three times as female with 28%. Besides, proportion of people under 18 was 39%, just higher 1% than this between 18 and 36. The rest was for people over 36, closely a quarter of the age of player pie chart.  
  
Secondly, it's clear that action games made up more than two-fifths and took the biggest part in types of games. The second was sports games with 20% and racing games with 17%. Especially, the proportion of education games just reached to 7%, which was the same to role-playing games. Others remained only 6%.  
  
Thanks for reading!  
  
*
Diep, this is an incomplete summary overview. You need to present the types of measurements provided in the pie charts (age, games, and gender), the type of measurement (percentage), and then the single sentence trend. Try to avoid presenting any information in a parenthesis because there is no optional information in the chart. I know you are trying to make your presentation more complex but the complexity does not lie in the format of the presentation but rather in the presentation of the information within the sentence instead.  
  
You did a good job writing more than 150 words. You did not do a good comparison and analysis job by presenting only 3 paragraphs of 2 sentences each. The best scoring task 1 essays always use 4 paragraphs with at least 3 sentences per presentation. Your paragraphs are mostly composed of run-on sentences, which you should avoid doing for a better GRA score. Always use periods in the paragraph presentation that represents two different ideas in one sentence. Don't use a comma because different ideas need to be presented separately instead of as connected information.
**Hi all, I'm new to writing, so my paragraph is rather cumbersome and incoherent. Could you give me some advice on how to improve it? Thank you very much.**  
  
## tremendous merits of a big town

  
  
A number of people are concerned about living in urban areas mainly because of the great advantages it brings about. Initially, one of the main positives of city life is that it offers a great convenience of services to its dwellers. As a result, they stand the chance to receive the best possible healthcare and enjoy the endless entertainment options, as there is a huge range of recreational places and healthcare systems available in every city. Another notable point is that the urban areas open avenue for job hunting. Most of the corporate offices, factories, government offices, garments and companies are either situated in a city or close to the city. Hence, they will afford myriad employment opportunities, which helps job seekers to get a good position without much difficulty. Finally, the recent advancements in technology and transportation comfort the urban lifestyle. The vast amount of transports facilities has made life immensely easy to live in the metropolis areas and the commuting to work is not a problem. Futhermore, the media and means of communication enables people to get information, catch up with ages or contact each other. Briefly, living in a big city is generally considered to be beneficial in multiple ways due to its tremendous merits.
Hi Chu. While your writing is rather cumbersome, you are wrong about it being incoherent. Your presentation makes sense. It is understandable and offers information that the reader is familiar with. Therefore, this is a an essay that has some grammar and sentence structure issues, but delivers in terms of content and clarity. I would not worry so much about the sentence structure problems because this did not affect the overall presentation of your essay. You can actually consider yourself to be an intermediate user. You know more than the basic English language and how to use it, but you still have problems with its usage at certain times.  
  
The only way you can continue to get better at English writing is by doing exactly what you are doing, keep on writing. Respond to essay prompts, keep a journal, write a blog, read books, watch English movies or Chinese movies with English sub-titles, anything and everything that will keep you immersed in the English language. Join English chatrooms, write to your friends in English, there are just so many ways you can continue to build upon your good language foundation.  
  
The main point is this, in order to improve, you must immerse yourself in the language, even if it means talking to your friends and parents in English rather than your native tongue. These are some of the best ways to improve your language skills.
## the figures for imprisonment in five countries

  
  
The bar chart below illustrates diagram for imprisonment over a period of 50 years in five different areas.  
  
It is clear that the greatest number of prisoners between 1930 1nd 1980 is United States. We can also see quantities for imprisonment in five countries trend to rise by every 10 years period.  
  
In each of decade shown on the chart amount of prisoners in America increase except in 1950 and 1970. Roughly a rise 10000 to 40000 of prisoners reported in US from 1930 to 1980. Meanwhile, in Great Britain number for imprisonment always grows reached 85000 in 1980.  
  
In the year 1970, the figures of imprisonment are almost same in three countries. They are Great Britain, Australia and New Zealand. Before 1970, the fluctuation numbers of these three countries. In the year 1980, the diagram for prisoners relatively surge in Great Britain and New Zealand. In other hand, Canadian prisoners decline between 1930 and 1980.  
  
*
Asih, you have written a total of 156 words. That is evidence that your essay is not complete, does not analyze the information, and cannot be used as an accurate basis of an analytical report. The proper length for this essay is between 150-200 words covering a 4 paragraph presentation. You have presented 4 paragraphs but without the required 3-5 sentence presentation per paragraph. When you write such short Task 1 essays, you cannot expect to get a good score or a passing score, based on the mistakes you made within the presentation. You should have written at least 175 words to assure yourself of a close to passing or a passing score.  
  
Try to focus on the clarity of the information you are presenting as well. I am not sure what you mean by "1nd" in the first sentence of the second paragraph.  
  
There is a lack of complete summary information presentation while your trending sentence can easily confuse the reader. You need to learn to review your essay when you are finished reading it so that you can spot the mistakes in grammar presentation and correct these before you submit it for scoring.  
  
Read the Task 1 sample essays at this forum so that you can learn how to properly present the information. Learn from the mistakes of others because you have made similar mistakes in your own writing.  
  
I would say that this is a good first attempt at Task 1 writing. There is room for tremendous improvement.
Hi there, please give me some advice about the essay below. Thanks!  
  
*With the increasing demand for energy resources of oil and gas, people should look for sources of oil and gas in remote and untouched places. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of damaging such places?*  
  
## in search for energy sources on earth

  
  
With the development of industry,we need more and more energy sources. There is someone that advice that people can explore these resources in some unexploited regions. But i believe this method would bring two opposite effects.  
  
It is not an easy thing to exploit the energy resources in the remote area. At first, this is quite difficult for the team, which causes them to cost a long time and spend a lot of money. The operating costs are so huge that we could not afford it in a short time. Besides, as for the unexploited area, we will face so many unpredictable troubles as we do not have efficient and corresponding measures to solve that with our limited knowledge. More importantly,if we always rely on searching a new place to meet our constantly resource needs, there was a day that we cannot find any an alternative place.Therefore, looking for a new place cannot address the shortage of energy sources fundamentally.  
  
However, there is no denying that exploring the remote area can benefit their economies. For instance, with the exploiting of the region, which enables to promote the relevant industry there, such as tourism, transportation and local public facilities. After that development, it will attract more talents and increase more job opportunities. But we cannot ignore that some energy sources are non-renewable resoures, which means that we would face the energry source scarcity again in the future.  
  
In conclusion, i believe the fundamental way is to develop sustainable development rather than look for another place to consume.
Stella, your essay does not properly respond to the original discussion prompt that was provided. You are actually discussing a totally different topic would result in an automatic failure of your TA score. Look at the mistake you made below:  
  
*Original Question: Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of damaging such places?  
Your Response: i believe this method would bring two opposite effects.*  
  
As you can see, the essay is asking you pick one of two scenario outcomes for the discussion. Either it is an advantage or a disadvantage. Your response says that there are 2 opposite effects. Which means you are not picking a side. This is a one sided opinion essay, as all Task 2 essays are unless otherwise specified. Therefore, your total discussion runs counter to the required discussion style which is a single opinion defense. As such, this essay cannot be given a passing score. Your discussion became vague and unclear due to your lack of opinion choice. That is why the overall presentation became unclear to the reader.
hello .  
i will give some comments for your text:  
1. in the first sentence, you use "to bringing". i mean, that will be great if u change it be "to bring". Formula: to+v1  
2. in second line, i found that point " an overstated". i am sure, you want to use noun so it could be "an overstating generation"  
3. we can change this statement be "...rather than make them depends on central government"  
4. it could be "If the governments only focus on ..."  
5. that will be great " ... capacity ~~poor~~ for isolate local governments,"  
6."Many may argue that ..." you have no subject for that statement, you can use such as people, persons, or citizens.  
7. sorry, but i am not sure this is the correct word " subsidies" you can search other words for changing that word  
  
sorry, i talk a lot. i hope those correction can help you
Th, based on the way that you wrote this essay I believe that, even with the grammatical errors, you are looking at a minimum score of 5. Why is it coming in at such a high score? Well, you wrote an essay long enough to allow you to clearly explain your point of view. There were good examples presented to support your reasoning and your transitions from one sentence to another were good enough to create a smooth flowing presentation.  
  
If you want to get a higher score than a 5, then you must write anywhere between 500-600 words. This is the word range that normally gets a test taker, who has a good command of the English language a 5.5 - 6 rating. Now, what I did notice was that you forgot to add the action descriptor word "ing" to represent current actions. Please don't forget to do that. The term is "assisting" which means a current action rather than "assist". In addition to that, the phrase is not "overstated generation" but "overstated generalization" which means a wide public assumption. To be specific it is a "a general statement or concept obtained by inference from specific cases.". Be careful when you use these English terms. Using the correct terms can help increase your score, use the wrong descriptor often in your essay and your word or paragraph clarity will suffer.
**Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than other people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others thin it is unfair.  
  
Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
## is big financial profit for athletes justifiable?

  
  
Some people argue that earning high amount of money for athletes is more appropriate than other crucial occupations, so it is acceptable for most of citizen while others think otherwise. This essay will argue with the notion above that although earning a lot of money happen to athletes because of becoming models of advertisement, but achievement is one of the important things that should be considered as it determines the greatest wages for all category of professions.  
  
One the one hand, becoming a model of advertising products is another occasion for athletes gaining the greatest income. Due to the popularity of athletes, some companies utilize them in order to advertise their products, so the society can be encouraged for using their brand. Even though the sport professionals achieve high salary by winning the competition, but another way to gain more is from sponsorship. For example, Cristiano Ronaldo, a well-known football player advertising product of shampoo called Clear, so he also can produce a lot of money from it. Despite the athletes are paid great by advertising, but it does not mean that other professions might not earn high income, all of professions have equal opportunity to get raised salary as well.  
  
On the other hand, one particular thing to produce the high salary in working is achievement. Considering a good salary based on the worker's performance is determined by company, so the employee can reach high wage as well if compared to athletes. For instance, Toyota Motor Corporation arranges job analysis in order to observe employee's progress of working using it to decide amount of money gained by the worker. Hence, not only sport professionals can earn high income, but also other type of professions can reach it.  
  
To conclude, because of popularity, athletes earn high amount of salary by advertising some products. However, other professions also can get it if they have plenty of achievements.
Hi @nellawatyahmad26, I am not too convinved by the viewpoint that you take in this essay. The essay does not seem to probe at the depth of analysis and reasoning that the directions seem to be demanding. You should try to carryout some more research to better present examples that are in support of your argument but that may also refute it. For the examples that seemt to refute your. claim, show how is it that those examples are erroneous or fail to capture a particular aspect of the overall argument, (basically your rebuttal/ counter claim).
Nella, you failed to properly address the task requirements in the opening paraphrase. This is a 3 reasoning paragraph essay, not an argument essay. That is one of the biggest mistakes in your discussion. You changed the prompt requirement from:  
  
Original instruction: Discuss both views and give your opinion.  
  
to  
  
Your Response: This essay will argue with the notion above  
  
Correct Presentation: I will consider these two public points of view in the following discussion so that I can offer my personal insight on the matter later on.  
  
That mistake will immediately get you a lower than passing TA score. You showed that you misunderstood the prompt requirements, which led to the change in the discussion instruction. Your main presentation does not cover the public discussion of the 2 points of view presented in the essay, nor does it represent your personal opinion, which is also a requirement. There needs to be an acknowledgement of public opinion in your first 2 reasoning presentations and then a personal opinion ownership presentation before the conclusion, creating a 5 paragraph essay. Without the ownership references, the whole essay comes across as a personal opinion because you did not clearly explain the discussion method in your opening paraphrase. These errors plus others in relation to the scoring criteria will combine to give you a very low score for this essay. This essay is not going to get a passing score in an actual test setting.
## maternity leave advantages vs disadvantages

  
  
It is an indisputable fact that women need to rest a period of time after the child-birth process so that they can recover from the weakness of delivery.Some people think that there are merits for female who had a child-birth, other think there are some drawback for companies that they work on.I think there should be both downsides and upsides.  
  
The upside of the maternity policy is so important to female who just have a delivery that this can not be banned. After delivery their health status are too weak to deal with threir normal workload.Hence they need a period of time to build up themselves health by rest and by taking nourishing food. So that they recover as soon as possible.In addition being a mother at first time may have a little stress and do.not know how to reach work-life balance.So they can not adapt to this new change of character in her life.Therefore maternity leave from works give then more time to get fameliar with the new situation and acheiving a better balance between their work and familly.  
  
On the other hand, the company that they work may occur a hole in the position thet used to beTheir absence from work might bring a little loss for the company.Unless employers could find a alternative for them.But it is difficult to find another person as familiar to their position as them.But this situation depand on what kind of companies they work on.  
  
In summarise, maternity leave policy is neccessory to females who give birth.Also they have to take care of the new-born babies by themselves.
## growing influence of artificial intelligence on our life

  
  
**Some people believe that developments in the field of artificial intelligence will have a positive impact on our lives in the near future. Others, by contrast, are worried that we are not prepared for a world in which computers are more intelligent than humans. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.**  
  
Artificial intelligence is on the rise in recent years. While some people believe that it would bring considerable benefits to humans, others argue that great risks could be posed by this kind of intelligence. Personally, I am persuaded that artificial intelligence would be more beneficial rather than detrimental.  
  
On the one hand, the fact that AI is processing rapidly could be seen as a threat to humankind. Due to its outstanding capacity of working, robots are likely to outperform humans at any cognitive tasks. Many people could, consequently, be at hazard for unemployment. For instance, doctors could lose their job as robots are more accurate and prudent at doing surgery and caring patients. Furthermore, if humans are no longer the smartest on the planet, we could not be sure whether we can continue to control the world or not.  
  
On the other hand, Artificial Intelligence could definitely enhance humans' quality of life due to a noticeable number of advantages it offers. Firstly, it makes our life much convenient by automating everything. For example, while sitting in a self-driving car, people can either accomplish their work or take relaxation. Secondly, as AI has the ability to work ceaselessly and tirelessly with incredible speed, it can certainly boost the productivity in any field it works on. Finally, if humans are threatened with losing our occupations, they will be likely to work doggedly and thus improve their qualifications to compete with AI.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that the positive effects offered by AI in terms of upgrading humans' living standard outweigh the disadvantages.