dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Majd, you have not properly formatted this essay to the required outline for a TOEFL test. The opening paragraph of a TOEFL test is used to first outline your topic and then create a logical discussion flow for the upcoming essay. Therefore, the 3-5 sentences in this section should restate the discussion topic, the method of discussion, and your clear thesis statement. Which means, you must already indicate at the end of the opening paragraph whether you agree or disagree with the statement. In this instance you separated your opinion by presenting a standalone run-on sentence. It should have instead, been incorporated into the ending sentence of the first paragraph. By the way, you are not being asked about the extent of your agreement or disagreement with the essay so to state that do not "fully" agree with the statement is misleading. That is a divergence from the prompt requirement and will change the slant of your discussion in the long term discussion.  
  
One of the major requirements for essay writing is that the writer should be able to develop complete paragraphs These paragraphs are used to fully explain and present your line of reasoning, in a coherent and cohesive manner to the examiner. You failed to present complete paragraph in most instances of your essay. Therefore, your explanations will not be deemed properly presented in the essay. Always use 3-5 sentences per paragraph. That is the essay standard. There is also a lack of transition sentences in your essay, which means that you do not seamlessly connect your discussion ideas from on aspect to the next. Try to develop your use of transition sentences and connecting words in your next practice test.  
  
Here is a tip for the "specific examples and reasons" section of the essay. Try your best to use your personal experience in explaining your opinion. Essay responses based upon personal opinions tend to score higher because the way you explain yourself indicates the level of English comprehension skills that you have. A proper explanation in relation to the topic means you are ready for higher level English academic learning.
Please check this essay for me.  
  
IELTS Writing Task 1 : **The two pie charts show the types of communication used in 1982 and 1962. Write a report to describe the information shown in the graph.**  
  
## communication technology 35 and 55 years ago

  
  
The pie chart compared the types of communication used in 1962 and 1982 in percentage terms. Overall, it is obvious that in 1962, people tended to use letter to communicate while in 1982, phone dominated other ways of communication.  
  
In 1962, Letter was the most popular types of communication, accounting for 50%, which was half of all types. The next largest sector was phone, amounting to 35%. Computer occupied the smallest fraction (15%).  
  
Twenty years later, in 1982, this completely changed. The percetage of people using phone had risen to 60%. This was an increase of 25% compared with 1962. Much of the increase in phone can be explained by the decrease in the letter, which had dropped from 50% to 10%. There was also a considerable risen in the proportion of people using compute, from 15% to 30%.  
  
In conclusion, with the development of technology, phones and computers are more widely used.  
  
*
Hello!  
  
You've summarized almost all of the important data given. It's just a matter of better presentation.  
  
I would suggest having an Introduction of around 2-3 sentences where you just talk about what the task is and what the parameters are. The statement beginning with "Overall..... " could be used as your conclusion para.  
  
Example (INTRO) - The pie charts given below compare the modes of communication used in 1962 and 1982 in terms of percentage. The types of communication which is considered includes phone, computer and letter.  
  
Speak then in detail about your analysis of the diagram-  
The trend in 1962 followed by the trend in 1982. After this you compare and contrast these two periods. (The question does not ask the reason for the trend change, however I think it is good that you did in your essay).  
  
In conclusion you talk about the major change ( ie. your "Overall, it is obvious....." statement )  
  
Good Luck! :)
Yang, your essay does not follow the correct structure and form presentation for a Task 1 essay. Your first paragraph does not qualify as a summary outline, which is required in every essay of this type. The summary outline should not discuss the actual information in the provided image but rather, merely list the topics for discussion in the succeeding paragraphs. Without the required summary overview, you will find that your TA score will be marked down for missing paragraph requirements.  
  
You should have done more in order to meet the minimum 3-5 sentence requirement for the cohesiveness and coherence portion of the essay. There are a number of portions that do not qualify as full paragraphs, the direct instruction under this scoring requirement, because you only present 2 sentences there. Expect another set of mark downs in that section for scoring.  
  
If you notice, the pie charts are being connected by a directional arrow. This indicates that a direct comparison of the two charts is implied in terms of written analysis. There as no such representation in your work either. The lack of reference to that means that you did not spend enough time properly analyzing the similarities and differences between the two pie charts. Yes, this could also decrease your possible score.  
  
The last stand alone line that you wrote as a conclusion is not necessary. A Task 1 essay does not have a conclusion requirement, only a summary overview requirement that has to be placed either at the beginning or the end of the essay. I recommend placing it at the start so that you can score up your TA score from the very start.
*Hi everyone. Please help me to correct my task 1 writing. Can you suggest other words that I can use to make my writing better in terms of lexical resource. Thank you.*  
  
## public, self-employment sectors and private area in the UK

  
  
\*The graph highlights data about the proportion of people who were employed in three economic sectors in the UK, over a decade between 2000 and 2010.  
\*Overall, what stands out from the graph is that there were significant upward trends in the figures for public and self-employment sectors, while private area underwent a dramatic decline over the period in question. Another interesting point is that, in 2000, private sector had the highest employment rate among all, but the figure for public sector was higher than those for the others in 2010.  
  
\*Looking at details, as regards public sector, the percentage started at nearly 40% in 2000. Having remained stable in the first three years, it then went up sharply to just under 50% in 2005. Following that, there was a remarkable decrease by around 5%, but the proportion soon recovered in the next year. Finally, the figure went through a consistent rise to approximately 52%, reaching its all-time high. The same overall trend was applied for self-employment area. Having fluctuated around 20%, the proportion then rocketed to about 28% in 2008. Subsequently, it kept levelling off at 30% until 2010.  
  
\*By contrast, the percentage of private sector went in opposite direction. It decreased considerably from around 48% to just over 40% in 2002. Despite stabilizing the next year, it then fell steadily over the second half of the period to hit its trough of 20% in 2010.  
  
*
Tommy, you need to practice better analytical skills when writing these essays. In this exercise, your lack of complete analysis resulted in an incomplete summary overview of the included information for discussion. It can also do with a better paraphrasing of the original instruction because at the moment, it still sounds highly similar to the original and therefore, doesn't really show an increased lexical resource on your part. Unfortunately, there is no way that you can increase your lexical resource capacity overnight. Not even if you try to memorize a whole synonym and antonym book will that work. A vocabulary is something that you build over time. So don't aim to create complex sentences right from the start. Instead, aim to write accurate simple sentences first. You are not being scored on the "complex" words that you are using, you are being scored on the accuracy of your sentences and word usage. So using simple sentences will be just as effective as using complex words, provided it is used in the right manner. If you want to continue to build your English vocabulary, then the only thing you can do is to continue reading and writing in English. There is nothing more than you can do other than that. Always have a dictionary handy, there is an app for that, so that you can immediately look up a word meaning. Then try to remember the words and how it was used. If you are lucky, you will find an opportunity to use the word in an essay you will be writing.
I think your second body paragraph is too short and you need to make more comparisons ( You can read other samples on the Internet to see how people analyse this chart and compare the information) . You can add some more grammar structures in your essay, but not the complex ones, because you can easily make mistakes and some complex grammars make your essay confusing.  
  
Like @jadeatoz, I recommend Simon's IELTS page, because his methods are easy to understand but still effective.  
  
If you have some time, help me with my practice essays for IELTS.
**The graph below shows the amounts of waste produced by three companies over a period of 15 years.**  
  
## the quantity of produced waste by some companies

  
  
The illustration provides information on the figure for waste in tonnes made by three companies named A,B and C from 2000 to 2015.  
It is clear from the graph that company A and B produced less waste between 2000 and 2015, whereas the amount of waste produced by company C grew gradually throughout the years.  
  
In the first year 2000, the quantity of waste that company A made began at precisely 12 tonnes, the highest level compared to company B and C, with the figure for waste being a bit lower than 9 tonnes and slightly over 3 tonnes respectively. This amount of company A declined gradually over 15 years, reaching about 11 tonnes in 2010 and slightly under 9 tonnes in the last year 2015. With the same downward trend, Company B's amount of waste dove over 15 years and reached exactly 3 tonnes in 2015 apart from a brief rise of nearly 2 tonnes from 2000 to 2005.  
  
In sharp contrast with the other two companies, the quantity of the produced waste from company C saw an upward trend throughout 15 years. There was a slow rise in this figure of 3 tonnes in 2005 and approximately 2 tonnes in 2010, until it reached a peak of 10 tonnes in 2015.  
  
*   
*The graph*
Putri, I must commend your effort in interpreting the information on the chart provided. You also did a nice job in paraphasing the prompt. However, there is a sgnificant note you must take so as perfect your ability to do justice to IELTS Task 1 during the real test. For this kind of chart, it is needful that you take cognisance of the scale used in plotting the graph. This action will enhance your specificity when commenting on the content of the graph. That way, you will avoid such expressions as '...slightly under 9 tonnes in the...' ''...a brief rise of nearly 2 tonnes from...'' '...a bit lower than 9 tonnes and slightly over 3 tonnes...' which, to some extent, create ambuiguity. For instance, the scale of the graph in your post is more like 3cm = 3units. So you could say that the waste generated in company A, for example, decreased from 12 tonnes to 8 tonnes over 15 year period from 2000 to 2015. You can see that my version of the expression is more straightforward and comprehendable than '...slightly under 9 tonnes in the...'. You can revisit the graph and try to infer the exact amount of the wastes generated across the three companies and how they changed overtime. Overall, you really have an eagle eye in noticing even less significant changes. Your score should be at least 5.5 for this version of your post.
@Red Moon  
I think that you had some problems about the way to express your ideas such as:  
You wrote ''*The illustration provides information on the figure for waste ...*''. I mean it lost an important infomation . You know you'd better show the name of graph to the judges. If I were you, I will paraphrase the introduction like '' The line graph illustrates how much waste three companies A,B and C produced in terms of tonnes between 2000 and 2015''  
  
With the summary, as you see, the amount of waste that company B produced accelerated to roughly 10%, then it experienced a sudden fall to ... So you could not suppose that : '*'It is clear from the graph that company A and B produced less waste ...*''Personally, it is not correct in some aspects.
Hi there..., let me show you how I group the data based on the trend showed. Hope this helps you :D  
  
This graph presents tonnes of waste produced in three different companies for every five years, from 2000 to 2015. The amounts of waste created from Company A and B showed dramatic decreases. This contrasted to the waste product of the Company C increasing gradually.  
  
After reaching a high of 12 tonnes in the first year, the amount of waste produced by Company A continued to decline dramatically to the 2000 company's B figure. As it can be seen in the Company B, the amount of waste generated rose gradually in the initial year, but the converse would be true for the following years and then hitting a low of 3 tonnes over the ten-year period.  
  
Although company C was close behind when it came to waste product in the 2000, this trend showed an upward trend from 4 to 6 tonnes in first 5 years and then continuously rose to overtake the figures for Company A and C in years of 2010 onwards.
**Due to the rapid development of artificial intelligence, robots will become smarter than humans and will take control of their society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What can human society do to prevent this possible threat.**  
  
## artificial intelligence as a threat for human?

  
  
It is true that in this technological era, innovative machines like robots are gradually replacing humans in many roles. From my point of view, I firmly agree with the idea that robots will have a growing impact on the society and eventually take over the world.  
  
Robots will be increasingly important to everyday lives, doing menial tasks, but they will render humans redundant. There is serious risk of dangerous behavior on part of artificial intelligent since it is likely to produce drastic changes in thought. For example, robots will be under the controls it was given, but these may not be the controls that were meant and they may change it to deadly intention. Although it is reasonable to claim that super intelligent computers could do things that ordinary person can not, for instance, finding cures for cancer and other illnesses, it is not so certain that these intelligent machines can create safe for mankind. In long term, it could have potential of disasters in which intelligence greater than humans could begin acting against their programming  
  
There are several actions that governments could take to solve the problems described above. Firstly, a simple solution would be to provide safeguards on intelligent machines and to shut down the whole system if it is considered to be a threat. A second measure would be for governments to raise people awareness about the issues and the tremendous consequence that artificial intelligent can bring. Finally, restriction and regulation on robots should be made to assure the safety of humans. For example, scientists can train robots to be good role models and teach them about exemplary behavior.  
  
In conclusion, robots will become smarter one day so at the same time, researchers should investigate the ways of preventing the negative effects of artificial intelligent for the shake of a better world.  
  
Can you give me any suggestion about the score of this essay ?
Williams, the first thing that I notice about this essay is that you did not remember to post the complete prompt requirements with it. Without the original prompt to refer to, I am unable to accurately assess the content of your essay for relevance and compliance. Please remember to do that with your next essay. As I can only give you one review per essay, don't bother posting the prompt after my general observation comment. It will be useless. Just post the second essay with the complete prompt instead.  
  
In this essay, what I can tell you is that you will lose points in the lexical resource section for your improper use of the word "revolution" A revolution is an ongoing war. Specifically, a revolution means either "a forcible overthrow of a government or social order in favor of a new system." or "an instance of revolving.", neither of which is applicable to what you are saying in the essay. The word you are looking for is "evolution". Evolution means "the gradual development of something, especially from a simple to a more complex form." which is what you were trying to imply in your essay. If the event that you are not sure of the meaning of a word, don't use it. Find another way to describe what you want to say in the essay. Do it that way instead of losing points in the major scoring sections because these mistakes affect your GRA score as well.  
  
I sense that you did major research in this essay in order to write it. Please don't do that. You only have 30 minutes to write this essay in the exam center and you don't have access to the internet there. You have to rely on your personal knowledge of popular topics to get by in the essay writing test. Bear in mind, you need to write quickly, logically, and comprehensibly in order to score well in this section. These needs can only be achieved through the development of a maximum of 5 paragraphs comprised of 5 simple to complex sentences each. You should not have any run on sentences, as you do in your current paragraphs, in the actual exam essay. If you do, then the GRA score for your essay will be even lower.  
  
With this being your first essay written as a practice test, I will allow you room to grow and correct your mistakes. You have the time to do that. Just make sure that you improve on the problem points I pointed out here and also, post the prompt with your next essay alright? Thanks.
## smoking rate in Someland - men vs women

  
  
The line graph compares the rates of smoking among gender in Someland from 1960 to 2000. In general, the rates of smoking of men declined gradually while that of women increased slightly over the period.  
  
In 1960, 600 men in every 1000 was smoking, which is 6 times as much as women. Over the next 10 years, there was a decrease in the males smoking rate from 600 to just 550, followed by a sharp decline in the next 30 years and finished at approximately 250 at the end of the period.  
  
In contrast, the smoking rates of women experienced a moderate fluctuation. From 1960 to 1975, the rate of female smokers rose significantly from 100 to just over 300. After that, the number remained at the same level at 1980 before decreased gradually to just 200 in 2000.  
  
In conclusion, although the female smoker rates increased over the period, it was always at the lower level than that of male smokers.  
  
*
@tamdoan409  
Hello. I would like to revise a sentence for you.  
  
"... 1000 was smoking, which is 6 times as ..."  
I don't recommend the clumsy expression of "which is" in chart analysis essays. It's not necessary most of the time. In your case, "6 times as much as..." is enough.  
  
If I were you, I would write the sentence this way:  
  
**In 1960, 600 out of every 1,000 men was smoking, more than six times the rate of women, just under 100 per 1000.**  
  
Please note it is "just under" 100 per 1000 rather than "precisely" 100 per 1000.
Hi, I would like to correct some mistakes for you:  
First, " six times more than" not " six times as much as".  
Second, " among women and men" or " among two different genders" not " among gender".  
Third, " before decreasing ..". You can't use decreased here.  
Also, in my opinion, you should write only one overview for your essay and put it as an independent paragraph after the introduction. It seems to me that a conclution here is not necessary.
Tom, your summary overview is not effective. It is too short and doesn't accurately depict the information and discussion outline that is to be done in the succeeding paragraphs. The opening statement for a Task 1 essay is always just meant to be a summary of the important discussion points in the essay. It should not contain facts and discussion points yet as you did in your presentation. It is also inaccurate for you to assume that the digits in the chart are exact. In this instance, the graph present mere estimations. Since estimations are presented the same should be reflected in your presentation by saying "approximately, close to, appear to be..." among other terms of estimated comparisons. Since this is a task 1 essay, a conclusion is not necessary. So that stand alone last line should instead be merged with the earlier paragraph. A task 1 essay should have at least 3-4 paragraphs of at least 150 words. This essay falls short of all expectations in terms of discussion presentation.
**In order to learn a language well, we should learn about the country as well as the cultures and lifestyles of the people who speak it. To what extend do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## study a new language without knowledge about a country

  
  
Some people believe that if you want to learn a language well, you should be knowledgable about the country as well as the things of people who speak it such as cultures and lifestyles. Although I disagree with this point of view, in some cases, I think having more knowledge about the country and people is also useful and necessary.  
  
On the one hand, the way of learning a foreign language is that you must be industrious and try your best very much. If you are lazy and do not have a good way to learn, you will not attempt to your targets that you have made before, and then you can not make any progress. Moreover, the ability of learning another language also depends on the nature. Some children who even do not speak their mother language fluently can speak a foreign one more professionally.  
  
On the other hand, having a well-grasp of the country where this language spoken can help you learn it easier. For example, children learn from the people who are familiar to them, they can stand, walk and speak naturally without any help. Therefore, when you research the information about any language, it will come unconcientiously to your mind. Moreover, you will learn slangs or native speaker's accent that help you improve your speaking skill very much.  
  
In conclusion, I disagree with the viewpoint that learning a foreign language must learn its country and cultures.