dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
*The threat of nuclear weapons maintains world peace but nuclear power provides cheap and clean energy. The benefits of nuclear technology far outweigh the disadvantages.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?*  
  
## more energy is needed

  
  
Along with the superior high-tech industry of the current world, it requires much more energy to maintain all the system than ever before. While the natural energy is having signs of exhausion, the advert of nuclear power seems to be optimal solution for this catastrophe. This essay will give some specific reasons to answer for the question how effective the nuclear power is.  
  
Firstly and foremost, the amount of energy released in a nuclear fission reaction is ten million times further than the amount released in the other natural energy sources like coal or gas. This abundant energy source will meet the energy demand of the world today. Secondly, nuclear power is very cheap compared to the other energy sources, the amount of money on building nuclear power plant takes less than the other energy factories, because it does not demand too much acreage. One more important reason to make the nuclear power is considered as well as the most valuable energy recently is clean, very clean, it does not have much bad impact on our environment as the others have really done. This thing helps us save a fresh atmosphere for the next generations and maintain our good health at this our time.  
  
However, everything has both sides of it, radioactive waste can possess a threat to the environment and is really dangerous to human. Radiation infected people can get some kinds of cancer, genetic modifying or fetal toxicity causing ... We can remember to the two traumatic historical events which are concerned to nuclear power, Chenobyl disater on 26 April 1986 in Ukraina and The Fukushima Daiichi nuclear disaster on 26 March 2011 in Japan, both of them have been leaving the aftermaths until now.  
  
All in all, I have a great inclination on the advandtages which are gained by using nuclear power rather than the harmful things causing of it.
@Ann\_Ng  
Hello there! I hope to provide you with writing feedback that would be beneficial for your writing endeavors in the long-run.  
  
First and foremost, I think that you should make smaller chunks of text as opposed to heavy sentences. Doing this will improve your clarity of language. This is not to say that you should omit all of your complex sentences - rather, it should all be balanced all throughout your writing. If you do this, you'll be able to create a more creative outlook to the essay.  
  
Try to omit the usage of filler words as well. If you do this, you'll improve your text all throughout as you'll enhance the perception of the text.
## the graph report

  
  
The line graph illustrates the amount of requests sent by hand, mail and phone to the Tourist Information Office in particular city from January to June in the year 2011  
  
It is clear that the Office received enquiries in person and by cell phone rose significantly over the period of 6 months in 2011, while the number of enquiries sent by letter experienced a considerable drop.  
  
By January, telephone was by far the most popular way, with about 900, as oppose to just nearly 800 through mail or letter. The figure for enquiries received directly from the tourists was much less, just over 400. Between January to March, the number of requests which tourists gave by hand and mobile phone climbed to 1000 and 800 respectively, however, the number of that from email remain relatively stable.  
  
Three months later, from Match to June, there was a rapid increase enquiries sent in person and reached a peak of around 1900 in June. After unchanging in April, the calls from tourist to enquiry went up to almost 1660. By contrast, there was a downward trend in receiving by mail, with just below 400 in the last of the period.  
  
*
@thuyngan  
Hello there. I see that you're new here. Welcome to the forum! I hope that you like the writing feedback that you receive here. Please do come back to us for more!  
  
I agree with a prior comment that you do not have issues when it comes to providing a general analysis of the text. The only suggestion that we have would be to add more structure to your writing. This pertains to the usage of punctuation to add appropriate pauses all throughout your writing.  
  
Be consistent as well with your verb tenses. Remember that these analysis typically should be carried out in past tense due to how you are reiterating details that have already occurred.
*Topic: Prison is the common way in most countries to solve the problem of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide people with a better education. To what extent, do you agree or disagree?*  
  
## looking for a crime fix

  
  
Although prison is an effective way to control illegalities, improvements in education help to eliminate the problem from its root. In my opinion, I completely disagree that education is the greater one as it is impossible to compare these two methods' usefulness.  
  
On the one hand, prison is indeed helpful in dealing with offenders. To explain, a person who commits a crime must learn that illegal activities have consequences. For example, murderers must be imprisoned for many years due to their heinous actions , and such punishments may act as a deterrent. Another reason is that guardhouses are the place to keep people who have broken the law contained and ensuring the safety of other citizens. This would be a good solution to reduce the crimes rate.  
  
On the other hand, I consider that education also has a role to play as a remedy for the origin of crimes. To begin with, education contributes remarkably to heighten people's awareness of crime problems. With acess better education services, the public would be more well-informed about the damage that committing crimes would cause to their community and themselves. Additionally, types of education such as vocational training could secure a person's stable life. This way helps the government to create numberous job opportunities for every persons, which would dispel any ideas of committing crimes.  
  
In conclusion, it seems to me that there is no absolute way to find out whether prisons or advancements in education would be successful in solving crime problems as they both have their distinctive features.
@letrandaohoa  
Hi there. It's good to see you coming back again! I hope you find this next writing feedback to be helpful as well for your endeavors.  
  
I applaud you for your grasp of the language. You had clarity and integrity in your composition, making the text easy to dissect for individuals who are reading it. My primary suggestion would be to focus heavily on the overall rhythm of your text. Watch over the structure and the lack of punctuation. Without these pauses, your sentences would appear to be rather run-on rather than functional. Apply this especially to the middle sections of your body paragraphs where your composition somehow becomes troublesome because of the lack of structure.  
  
Hope this helps you.
## unpaid work for school students

  
  
Some people think that high school students should be forced to do unpaid community activities as a part of their curriculum. While I accept that these activities are beneficial for pupils, I would argue that voluntary work should not be put compulsorily for them.  
  
On the one hand, it seems to be true that students doing unpaid work can lead to some notable advantages. Firstly, participating in community service allows students to gain some useful skills such as communication and team working skills which are very necessary for them to become a good citizen in the future. Since students usually work and cooperate with a large number of people in society, this could help them gain more experience and feel more confident after graduating from university. Secondly, students who used to do voluntary community service are more likely to get a good job because employers might value highly their contribution to the community. My friend, for example, experienced an unsalaried work for teaching poor students during his high school period, after that, he was easily employed to be a teacher in a big university.  
  
On the other hand, I believe that high schools should not force students to do unpaid activities. The first explanation is that since students usually spend most of their time in schools and have to do their homework every day, so they often suffer from stress. Therefore, if they join voluntary activities, they might not have enough time to fulfill their studying. Recent researches have shown that a busy curriculum is one of the main reasons which directly affects students' scores. Another vital point is that students should be encouraged to play sports or other kinds of entertainment after a hard studying day. Instead of doing such activities like working in a charity or teaching, students could spend their time with their friends of families, which helps them to reduce stress, recharge their energy to study more effectively.  
  
In conclusion, although doing unpaid work can be advantageous for students, I firmly believe that these activities should not be put as a compulsory part of the school.  
  
Please marking my text with essay standards
@letrandaohoa  
Hello. Welcome back! I'm here once more to provide you with writing feedback on this essay.  
  
I think that the first paragraph was executed beautifully. You were short and simple with your language - and yet, there was immense clarity with what you were trying to say. Keep up this balance when writing!  
  
When using examples (for instance, in the second paragraph's last portions), try to be more creative and specific. While using your friend as an example might be alright, having firmer generalized opinions might be more suitable for your writing endeavors to assist you.  
  
The third paragraph also appears to be quite messy due to its general composition. I suggest trying to be more straightforward with your language in this portion.  
  
Best of luck.
## ad-bombing of consumers

  
  
Have you ever formed a picture of life in ancient time without advertisement. It sounds odd and incredible. Looking around the world that we live in, it is surrounded by advertisement from all kinds of products to online application services giving rise to different types of advertisement, for instance , cold call, pop-ups and direct Mails. Even though we enjoy gaining extreme immense information from the adverts, the other side is quite opposite. It leads to many social problems, to illustrate, the invasion of privacy, for the costumer data was released to target products. As a result, many people are intrusive by a large number of cold calls, as it was did in the case of one of my relatives who received a great many of telesales about decoration and furniture as soon as she had just bought a new flat.  
  
Apart from it, many people are suspicious of the quality of product which effects are real or not. As long as consumers have used for a long time, they will distinguish it. What is more, in china there are innocent consumers who had a cancer then they found the therapy from internet advertisement later they died from the wrong treatment. It has came about a huge stream about the medical ads. It seems that the advantage from ads are not equal to the disadvantage of it. So if you imagine there is no advertisement in the world, what the world will become?  
  
Maybe a great majority of residents lead a more simple life in the homeland where they buy and sell though the word of mouths without attractive and colorful flyers and TV commercials. The artificial wants will exempt from the elementary needs especially consumer-driven lifestyle. Hence, people may concentrate on creative activities more than buying a lot of unused products.  
  
Do you imagine the problem?
@lucy1990  
Hello there. Welcome to the forum! I'll provide you with writing feedback on your essay.  
  
First and foremost, you need to work on the overall flow of your content. You need to add more structure and organization. For instance, try to add more punctuation to your first paragraph to improve the pauses that you would have in between your thought patterns.  
  
It would also be helpful if you can merge being creative with descriptions alongside simplicity. Don't overexplain your thoughts. Rather, try to add depth by incorporating more examples throughout your essay.  
  
There's a lack of clarity as well in your second paragraph. I recommend revising this portion in accordance.
## the importance of data

  
  
**Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research , business and academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.**  
  
***Discuss both views and give your own opinion.***  
  
My answer is :  
  
The concept of Intelligent Property become more and more popular in this high-tech world. Some people believe that it is good to share information about scientific papers, business secret and the academic knowledge as much as possible, and others say that it is too important to be shared freely. In my view, I believe that some business information or scientific papers should be shared without any money or hesitation.  
  
On the one hand, companies can improve their technology and products more efficiently with sharing some scientific skills and business information from others. Sharing scientific information can help two different kind of companies work together to develop new technology or products easily. In addition, people can solve some serious problems which make bad effect to human beings now. For example, using a wide variety of domain knowledge to deal with the famine problem. Agriculture companies and Biogenetic companies can make more GM food to overcome this problem.  
  
On the other hand, it is not fair for some companies to share such information to others freely because they already spent lots of money and time on it. In order to discover or find out some useful researches or business information, people have to build a specific team to do much experiments.  
  
In conclusion, Although it is difficult to find out new information in scientific research, business and academic world, we should share our information to work together to solve some specific problems we are facing now and it is worth it.  
  
I will take the 8/4 exam  
could anyone tell me whether there is any "cohesion and coherence" problem to my article above?  
  
or some grammar and vocabulary errors...
small punctuation problem:  
-->good to share information about scientific papers, business secret**,** and academic knowledge  
  
try not to add some useless word that seems redundant  
-->~~more and~~ more popular  
-->their *technology and products* (leave one of them is enough in my opinion)  
  
cohesion and coherence  
-->I will say that almost 10 "and" in the article are too many, try to use other conjunction~~  
-->Some people believe that it is good..., **while** others say that it is too important  
  
hope you get your score~~
Well, there are some grammar errors. I will try my best to help you.  
  
...Some people believe that it is good to share information about scientific papers, business secret, and academic knowledge as much as possible**. Others** say that it is too important to be shared freely...  
  
...should be shared without any money or hesitation. ---this part I think is a little bit confusing  
  
...two different **kinds**...  
...In addition, people can solve some serious problems which **make bad effects on human beings**...  
  
...to do **many experiments**...  
  
In conclusion**, although** it is...  
  
Despite some of the mistakes that you made, I think you did a great job on your writing. The proportion of the paragraphs could be arranged better though. Hopefully, you would find my opinion helpful and wish you the best for the exam ahead.
## Travelling to remote natural environment or not

  
  
**It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environment, such as the South Pole. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?**  
  
Humans are all curious by nature, whereby it can be conspicuously seen from our valiant explorers or reckless thrilled-seekers. In the wake of advanced technology, these risk takers are even more likely to engage in scouting for every innermost corner of the world. Such a situation, however, has deteriorated into conflicting opinions. Although some opponents acclaim this prevailing phenomenon for its social significance, I strongly contend that there are abundant drawbacks eclipsing its merits.  
  
On the one hand, being able to approach the isolated regions obviously has proposed a variety of important ramifications in life. First, owing to some researchers' expeditions to distant areas, the entire world and its geographic hidden gems are slowly yielded to the human. From the extraordinary discoveries to hazardous areas such as the South Pole or Artic, people have vividly conceived a wider visualization of the Earth surface. Besides, our humankind has been exposed to a profuse ecological collection of distinctly scarce flora and fauna found in the Amazon jungle. Second, tourists who venture into the secluded spots seemingly find this trend beneficial the most. These adventurous journeys not only intrigue the thrilled-seekers on the way to conquer their ultimate self, but also provoke their profound gratitude towards nature.  
  
On the other hand, this so-called thriving trend has potentially placed grave impacts on both the environment and the risk takers. As a dramatic influx of visitors travelling to pristine areas, accommodations and recreation constructions are the two prerequisite conditions entailed in the hospitality. As a result, these excessive development accounts for tremendous destructions of forests and its ecosystem in the vicinity. For example, Nepal, a prominent place for dauntless explorers of Himalayan ranges, has witnessed an extensive deforestation which has resulted in the natural landscape deprivation or even drives some species to the verge of extinction. In addition to the given matter, scientists and tourists when exploring untouched regions might put themselves at stake of wild animals or lack of adequate equipment. To take an example, last year a junior football team in Thailand were successfully extricated from a cave over the course of two weeks. Nevertheless, their case did come under fierce criticism from opponents across nations.  
  
To conclude, we cannot refute the substantial advantages derived from travelling to remote areas. However, there are numerous of downsides in need of feasible solutions so that our environment is preserved and protected under any situation, from world adventures to relaxing holidays.  
  
- Please help me if there's any errors I need to correct or change on this essay.  
Many Thanks and Best Regards,
@Laura Luc  
Hi there. Welcome to the forum! Because you're new here, I would just like to wish that you find all of this feedback helpful for your writing endeavors.  
  
I agree with a prior comment that your composition is well-done. It has no visibly disturbing negative details that can impact your essay's quality. Therefore, most of my suggestions are focused on improving the outlook of your written text.  
  
I recommend that you mix in simpler sentences alongside your more complex ones. This makes up for a more organic writing technique as opposed to a robotic monotonous academic tone. Remember that this will tickle your readers a little bit more.  
  
I would also suggest working on the clarity of your text. This pertains to explicitly mentioning when you're already working with examples to somehow guide readers into your work.
## high number of rare or endangered species

  
  
*MANY SPECIES OF ANIMALS AND PLANTS ARE IN DANGER OF BECOMING EXTINCT. WHAT ARE THE CAUSES OF THIS PROBLEM, AND WHAT CAN BE DONE TO PREVENT IT FROM HAPPENING?*  
  
It is true that numerous plants and animals are becoming rare or endangered progressively with the pace of human society's growth and development. The disappearance of flora and fauna is alarming which results in imbalanced ecosystem. Once this system is disrupted it leads to disorder in the ecological food chain that effects every living creatures in it. For example, vultures are the scavengers that helps in maintaining hygiene of the wild life by consuming the dead bodies, which, otherwise would be infested by deadly bacteria, further leading to disease in other wild animals possibly.  
  
In order to find some effective solution to this serious issue, identification of the causes is necessary. To point out, there are three main reasons. Firstly, deforestation in the name of settlement expansion or trade of timbers that leads to destruction of animal and plant life. Secondly, trade of animal skin or rare plants that have medicinal value. Lastly, marine activities like over fishing.  
  
Needless to say that extinction of animal or plant species have adverse effect in the ecological order, possible measures needs to be taken to prevent or protect the endangered species. In regards to deforestation, council or state authorities should monitor this and punish if there is any fraudulent involvement of timber business. Considering the illegal trade of animal parts like leather boots, purse, and belts should be strictly prohibited from entering into the fashion industry. Other way of dealing with the issue also could be not using such materials. As far as marine activities are concerned, strict legal fishing limit should be maintained which then should be strictly monitored.  
  
Considering the causes of the problem, if the suggestion possible remedies are implemented than, world can be a better place to live with well-maintained ecology. As a result, this world will be like heaven with presence of varieties of flora and fauna.
Hello!  
I have some suggestions to improve your essay:  
- I think your introduction should be shorter. You can develope your ideas later in your body paragraphs.  
- Do not include examples in your introduction. Just focus on introducing the topic of your essay  
- Your second paragraph about the causes should be more detailed. After citing each reason, you should analyze it deeper to make your essay sound more logical and reliable.  
  
Some grammatical errors:  
- ...some effective solutions  
- all three sentences you use to list the causes lack verbs.  
- ~~have~~ has adverse effects on ...and possible measures need to be taken  
- ~~suggestion possbile remedies~~ aforementioned remedies  
- ...implemented ~~than~~, the world
@qromj19  
Hello. I hope you're doing good! It's good to see people who keep coming back to the forum for substantial writing feedback. I hope you find this beneficial!  
  
I agree with a prior comment that it's frowned upon to have examples in the introductory paragraph. This portion should be bold to exhibit the primary requirements to have an understandable text.  
  
I would suggest to first and foremost work on the general organization of your essay. It would be useful if you can fluidly give out thoughts without appearing to be cluttered to the readers. You can do this through laying out first a sequence that you need to maintain and follow.