dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## TASK 1 line graph shows the number of marriages and divorces in the UK

  
  
The line graph illustrates how many marriages and divorces in the UK in the period of 25 years.  
Overall, the total number of marriages increased over the period in which the number of first marriages declined. The figure of divorces was a downward trend.  
  
There were almost 500 thousands of total marriages which increased considerably to reach a peak of 640 thousand in 1985 before decreasing to 580 thousands of marriages at the end of the period. By contrast, the number of first marriages increasing from 330 thousand to 410 thousand witnessed a slight decrease to just over 300 thousand in 2000.  
  
Whereas standing at 150 thousand in 1975, the number of second marriages rose minimally to 260 thousand at the end of the period. In 1975, there were only 80 thousands of divorces, but this number was nearly doubled in 1985 and followed an upward trend to overtake the number of second marriages at 250 thousand in 2000.  
  
*Please take time and kindly give me some feedback. I am preparing for Ielts exam, can you tell me about my mistakes and way to fix it? Thank you so much!!!*  
  
*
You have shown a talent for analyzing the images. However, identifying the images and properly presenting the data in a report format are two different things. Remember, coherence is found within the length of the sentence presentations. That means a sentence that is short, but includes a clear reference to one piece of information will be better understood and remembered by the reader than a sentence composed of 2 ideas in one presentation.  
  
There is a tendency for you to overwrite in your sentences because you are focused more on the presentation of the ideas rather than the clarity of the information. Always aim to present clear information rather more ideas in one sentence. It helps you avoid the creation of run-on sentences, allows you to truly develop simple and complex sentences, and helps you achieve the minimum 3 sentences per paragraph presentation.  
  
Always do a second review of the image after you complete your draft. Look for information you may overlooked the first time. In this case, the year 1990 provides an interesting comparison point. The rate of marriage and divorce overlapped at a rate of more or less 205 thousand.  
  
Which reminds me, you forgot to indicate the measurement unit in the summary overview. You should have included that the factors were measures in the thousands. Additionally, you should have included a listing of the factors measured. You only mentioned 2 out of 4. You should have found a creative way to represent the other 2 sectors in the overview. The trending statement could have mentioned all 4 as follows:  
  
*The data measured covered the total marriages, 1st marriages, 2nd marriages, and divorces. The 15 year trend highlighted an increase in 2nd marriages and divorces, while indicating a downward measurement for first marriages. The total number of marriages hit a plateau in 1995 before starting to rise again in the year 2000.*
## Genetically modified foods question

  
  
with the growing world population,one of the most pressing issues is that of feeding such a large number of people. some people think that Genetically modified foods offer a viable solution to this problem. to what extent do you agree or disagree?  
  
Nobody can deny that world's population is continuously growing and at the same time sources of food are diminishing at a speedy pace. This issue has resulted in the development of genetically modified foods, and even though this solution is not approved by everyone, I strongly believe that it is vital to cover the people's food needs.  
  
To begin with, with the advent of genetic engineering, there are many improvements in modified foods. Products such as milk, tomatoes or any type of fruit can be modified and made to last longer that it usually does. This is a major benefit as it can cover the needs of people for longer duration because of their great resistance. Furthermore, overpopulation can cause the disappearance of some farmlands which are playing a crucial role for the production of agricultural products. Genetics can improve the fitness of both plants and animals, by modifying their genes, which would results in the improvement of crops and fertility respectively. By this, producers can generate bigger amount of food with the same number of plants or animals.  
  
On the other side, few would dispute that genetically modified foods can cause many health problems such as cancer or food allergies. Additionally, genetics is a new field of biology so humankind can not be sure for of the results. In other words, there is not enough evidence that modified foods will cover the increased feeding needs effectively or whether it will cause a general risk for everyone.  
  
To sum up, even though genetically modified food has its own risk, I firmly believe that it's a great solution for the phenomenon pressing issue of overpopulation in modern societies, while genetical innovation rise.
It would be best to not make hyperbolic claims in your discussion. An example of a hyperbolic claim is, "Nobody can deny that..." Anybody can deny the claim made in the original discussion. That is why the question for the discussion is, "To what extent do you agree or disagree?" That clearly means that anybody discussing the prompt properly, would know that they may disagree with the given topic and in the process, deny that the topic is incorrect or does not exist. Your response to the question still does not properly reflect a response to the question. It is not about your belief, it is about the extent of your agreement or disagreement with the topic. Hence:  
  
*I strongly support this idea due to several personal beliefs.*  
  
Would have been the better response.  
  
Your first reasoning paragraph is under developed. The statement was going fine when you were discussing the first topic. The problem is that you added 2 more topics to a paragraph that needs only 5 sentences to prove the clarity and coherence of the discussion. The last 2 discussion point were not well explained and did not effectively connect with the first topic. Stick to one topic per paragraph. In situations where "reasons" are required, just make sure the 2 reasons actually have a commonality so that the C&C requirement will be met.  
  
The second paragraph turned the direct response / opinion essay into a comparative discussion. The question was "To what extent do you agree or disagree?" You already indicated a strong agreement with the statement in the paraphrase. That agreement should be proven in the 2 reasoning paragraphs. The overall essay loses cohesiveness when you change the discussion to a C/C essay. Unless the essay asks you to "Compare / Discuss both points of view", you do not use that format. Majority of the essays as single opinion defense topics. Do not change the discussion style, you will lose major TA and C&C points when you do that.  
  
Cohesiveness comes from the way you discuss related topics in the essay. Cohesiveness is provided by the way you focus on the single discussion instruction or question. Cohesiveness helps you pass the test. Coherence comes from the way you fully develop the explanations by the use of one or two related fully developed reasons in your reasoning paragraph presentation. All the reasons and discussions need to relate to the original discussion instruction in order to meet the discussion requirements.  
  
You did not properly present a reverse paraphrase as the conclusion. You just a single run-on sentence. You have to divide that within 3-5 sentences. Just present:  
  
- The topic  
- Your opinion  
- Reasons you provided  
- Closing sentence  
  
Apply the corrections to your next essay that carries the same discussion requirement. I am sure you will see the difference in your work.
## Essay about advertisements

  
  
Adverstisements are becoming more and more common in our daily life. It is a positive or negative development ? (Please score my essay, thanks in advance)  
  
Commercials are considered as one of the core factors in every company's marketing strategies. As a result, advertisements have appeared ubiquitously in daily life. From my perspective, this phenomenon has undeniable perks as well as negative influences. Thus, i will support my opinion for the reasons discussed further below.  
  
On the one hand, the field of advertising has provided stable jobs and part-time jobs for a lot of people. Not only senior artists or experienced graphic designers can pursue this career but undergraduate students with aptitude for art and imagination can design logos, labels for financial demands. Additionally, by means of advertiaements, customers are kept informed about newly launched products. Therefore, they will have more choices which will latter enhance their comfort and living standards. In return, companies will have a chance to approach potential customer and plan for proper sales campaigns.  
  
On the other hand, promotions often enticed people into purchasing items that they do not really need. By using special effects, the external appearance and quality of the products will be exaggerated considerably that will resulted in the frustration and disappointment of consumers due to the unwanted products. Furthermore, the large scale expansion of advertisements in every social media platforms can threaten one's own private information. By accidentally clicking in some online commercials, one's profile such as ID address or E-mail password can be stolen for illicite purposes.  
  
All things considered, the growing trend of advertisements can be regarded as a positive process for the job opportunities and a win-win for both consumers and firms. However, this trend have adverse impact for unpleasant shopping expericences and security deficiencies.
You are scored mainly, on your ability to analyze and respond to the given question, without changing the discussion instructions. Unfortunately, you changed the discussion instructions in your essay, which will give you a starting score / base score of 3 The score is based on how you failed to present a clear position given the discussion instructions. This resulted in an improperly discussed essay response presentation.  
  
*Discussion Instruction: It is a positive or negative development ?  
Your Response: this phenomenon has undeniable perks as well as negative influences*  
  
You opted to discuss both points of view, turning the essay into a A/D discussion rather than the required single opinion essay. The single opinion is represented by the word "or" in the discussion instruction. "Or" signifies that you have to make a choice regarding 2 different decisions. In this case, either you believe that this a positive development or, you believe that it has negative results. The discussion response should have indicated:  
  
*I believe that this is a positive development in terms of job opportunities and consumer interest.*  
  
From there, the 2 discussion paragraphs should have discussed the positive job opportunities in individual paragraphs. One topic each.  
  
*Reasoning paragraph 1: the field of advertising has provided stable jobs and part-time jobs for a lot of people  
Reasoning paragraph 2: customers are kept informed about newly launched products*  
  
No negative discussions should be presented because you are expected to give 2 convincing reasons to the examiner that should prove your opinion is the correct one. Hence, this is a single opinion essay, not an A/D essay. Only one of the 2 alternative discussion choices should be supported in your overall presentation.
Question:  
***With the rise of e-books comes the decline in paper books. Some people see this as a good step forward while others do not.***  
## What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

  
  
Skeleton:  
Intro: paraphrasing the question + a general overview  
-Advantage 1: e-books are easier to get  
-Advantage 2: e-books are cheaper to buy  
-Disadvantage 1: e-book readers have eye restraint issues  
-Disadvantage 2: e-books do not give you a real book feeling  
-Conclusion  
  
Answer:  
  
In these days, as the number of e-books grow, the number of paper books decline more. This trend has divided people into having two different opinions. Some see this step as a prosperous and worthwhile one, while others do not. In this essay, I will write the pros and cons of both paper books and e-books and offer a conclusion.  
  
Let's start by looking at the reasons why some prefer e-books over the physical ones. Digital books are easier for the readers to get. For example, you see a book advertisement on the road posters or maybe on a newspaper, it takes you almost no effort to grab your cellphone in a matter of 5 seconds and buy that book online, while the same book might not be available in that time or location.  
  
Secondly, another thing that makes e-books to be more efficient is their reasonability in price. It would be so obvious how e-books are cheaper if we visit Amazon Online Bookstore ad your local bookstore in your area. For instance. The novel of ''The Lord of the Flies'' by William Golding can be attained for 15$ only in many online bookstores that sell digital books, while the hard copy of the very same book is almost 20$.  
  
Let's move to the other side of the argument by explaining the reason why some people are not that happy toward the rise of digital books. E-book opponents say that the e-book readers that are used to read this type of book hurt your eyes by flashing the blue light that can damage your eyesight through the passage of time.  
  
Another e-book issue is that they do not provide you with the feeling that the real books do. For example, when there is a real book being read in your hands, you will be sure that you are doing something in reading it as it is in your hands, while you are not provided with is sense by having a book reader in your hand.  
  
Having both point of views into consideration, I can say that there are advantages and disadvantages in the continuous rise of digital books, e-books are easier and cheaper to purchase while paper books are more real and give you a special feeling.  
  
IELTS requirement: No less than 250 words  
This essay: 376 words
The maximum paragraph requirement of the task 2 essay is 5. You are over by 1 paragraph because you over complicated your discussion outline. A simpler, and more applicable discussion outline for this 4 paragraph essay would have been:  
  
Par. 1: Restatement with topic subjects for the reasoning paragraphs  
Par. 2: e-books are easier to get + e-books are cheaper to buy  
Par. 3: e-book readers have eye restraint issues + e-books do not give you a real book feeling  
Par. 4: Reverse conclusion  
  
You may have an under developed paragraph in paragraph 3 because the eye strain, not eye restraint issues are not connected with the real book feeling. Always use connected discussion topics so that you will have a fully developed and discussed paragraph presentation. My take:  
  
Par. 3: e-book readers have eye strain issues + ebook readers need to use glasses earlier than real book readers
***You have just spent a week with a friend on holiday. When you got home, you realised you had left your wallet there.***  
## Write a letter to your friend.

  
  
*In your letter:  
- thank your friend for the holiday  
- explain that you left your wallet in their house  
- give them instructions on how to send it back to you*  
  
Dear John,  
I hope you're doing well. I'm writing to thank you for the holiday arrangement and to inform you I left my wallet at your house.  
  
Last week was the best time in my life. I'm thankful you planned the wonderfully holiday and invited me to stay with you. The beef noddle so delicious and the sunset at Halong Bay was so beautiful and it still fresh in my memory.  
  
When I arrived at home, I was realised that I left my wallet at your place. I believed it still sitting on the table beside the bed. I was hurry up during packing my stuff and forgot to take it.  
  
I have sent you the Fedex courier envelop in separate mail. You just put the wallet in and seal it. Please call the pickup hotline or drop it to the nearest Fedex office. Don't worry about the courier fees, they will charge it direct to my credit card.  
  
All the best.  
Jarod
Spelling Errors:  
Fedex ( Proper Noun) - FedEx  
noddle = noodle  
  
Vocabulary Errors:  
  
Wonderfully / wonderful - both words mean excellent, great or marvelous. However, wonderfully indicates more of an emotion than a setting so it would have been better to have said "wonderful holiday"  
  
Tense presentation:  
The beef noodle WAS so delicious - past tense  
I ~~was~~ realized - (present tense)  
I believe~~d~~ I left - (present tense)  
  
Action reference:  
I was hurrying ~~up during~~ WHILE packing  
... envelop in A separate mail...  
drop it OFF at the nearest...  
... charge it DIRECTLY to my...  
  
You got the message across. You were able to follow the discussion instructions. The problem, is that your sentence structures were highly problematic. As you can see from the errors above, you need to do more sentence building exercises. Doing so should help you improve your sentence formation and presentation skills.
## Life in a foreign language country

  
  
I need help from you. Please check it out for me ! Thank you so much!  
Topic: Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems.To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?  
  
ANSWER :  
Nowadays, the issue of communicating the second language in foreign countries has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although newcomers may get troubles in the first time in new countries, most people will easily overcome this situation.  
  
There are several reasons why migrants fail to be understood when arriving in new countries. First, since there is a language barrier, the migrants are able to fail to, either speaking or understanding with native speakers. In fact, with a lack of knowledge language, foreigners may be misunderstood or hesitant as talking to local people, which reduces the effectiveness of communication between them. Second, if newcomers have an inability to social interaction, it may cause self-isolation. Plenty of evidence suggests that human beings tend to be isolated when they do not communicate with others for a long time, resulting in a lower standard of their lives.  
  
Nevertheless, civilization and the development of technological devices help newcomers to resolve drastically their problems. First, since globalization helps people easily contact each other by using one language, an international language, such as English, allows people to use as the main language to work or get knowledge more easily and more effectively. In fact, more than 70 percent of the world population is at least to have a working knowledge of English, which helps migrants to have community integration in new lands. Second, by using modern technology like smartphones, people access to knowledge of language effortlessly. This means that with a smartphone was applied to a range of software relating to learning foreign languages, like google translation, learners are easier to look up new words, find essential information and get quick translations, which can reduce significantly their mistakes and misunderstands in conversations.  
  
In conclusion, new migrants may have trouble in using a new language, however, they can completely get over these issues thanks to modern technology and social interaction.
1. You didn't say whether you agree or disagree with this statement. This absolutely will affect your score because this is an opinion essay.  
2.  
"...reasons why migrants fail to be understood ..."  
I think you have misunderstood what you need to do. You should have pointed out what challenges (social problems) students have to face more detailed. I think it would be the bets if you can point out 2 ideas, opinions in each passage for example in the first passage (culture shock, language barriers ...)
The essay will most definitely get a score of 1. The overall discussion format is incorrect. There is no extent response, there is no discussion that relates to the defense of your extent response, there is nothing, in the presentation that will tell the examiner that you understood what the discussion topic was, what the discussion requirements are, and what format the response was to be delivered in:  
  
*Topic: Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems.  
Discussion Question: To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?*  
  
Your restatement:  
  
*Topic: Nowadays, the issue of communicating the second language in foreign countries has been receiving a great deal of public attention. (Although not totally accurate, it is acceptable.)  
  
Discussion Response: Although newcomers may get troubles in the first time in new countries, most people will easily overcome this situation.*  
  
The error? The question is, whether or not living in a country where you do not speak the same language will cause problems for you. Your discussion response was about how to overcome the situation. That is totally unrelated to the task instruction. Hence the failing score for your essay.  
  
Your problem is that you dealt with the essay as a problem-solution presentation when it was simply a single opinion extent (yes or no) response. By changing the discussion format, you did not meet the discussion requirements so your increased word count was totally useless. No matter how long your essay is, if you do not have the proper response format, the essay is bound to fail in the actual test.
I am thankful for your comments  
  
Ielts writing task 2, topic: traffic  
  
Topic:  
In order to solve traffic problems, governments should tax private car owners heavily and use the money to improve public transportation. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such a solution?  
  
Many people believe that governments should impose heavy tax on car drivers and make improvements to public transportation with the money to reduce traffic congestion. There are both positive and negative sides about this initiative.  
  
It is clear that such a solution has some undeniable benefits. Firstly, high tax on the use of private cars would most likely discourage drivers from driving their cars that are known as the culprit of traffic jams, particularly in densely populated cities. A decrease in the number of cars on the streets would probably alleviate the severity of gridlocks. Secondly, the money stemmed from the tax could be used to upgrade public transport infrastructure. For example, bus and train services in some cities are in poor condition such as the dearth of air conditioning or inferior quality of the seats and renovations to them are essential to attract passengers. Apparently, when people find public transport more inviting, they might drive their cars less frequently since they could avoid large amounts of tax money for driving. As mentioned above, fewer personal use vehicles would lead to less congested traffic.  
  
However, the solution to resolving traffic issues has several drawbacks. One of them is a threat to taxi drivers' financial health whose sole income comes from driving. In other words, if the tax on car use was introduced, such people would make significantly less money making it more difficult for them to earn enough money for living. In addition, the introduction of the new tax could put millions of people around the globe at the risk of unemployment. This is because automobile industries providing a host of jobs would lay off their employees as the demand for cars would dramatically decline if driving cost way too much. According to research, low employment rates have been linked to higher crime rates and other social issues.  
  
In conclusion, while the idea of announcing heavy tax on car drivers has some advantages, it causes some detrimental effects at the same time.