dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
HI, let me give some advice, perhaps useful for you.  
1.This ~~papers~~ ----> you should paraphrase this sentence to introduce your essay. reader cannot follow your essay if you start with the statement.  
2.~~one~~**a** dimensional society, lack of critical thought. (better if you use **article**, not number)  
3.you have to put conjunction to make your essay's flow smoothly. ( for instance: moreover, furthermore, in one hand, etc)  
4.be careful about your punctuation ( This becomes a huge problem in the decades which are faced by. ( you should not put dot in here) The Philosophers, however, do not keep silence of it. )
hello hasan  
nice to read your essay  
let me give you some advice  
hope it works  
  
... Indonesians for many years ~~is~~ with his movies (...) a luxury life such as BMW, sophisticated ...  
  
... not aware of ~~its~~this impact. It is a new strategy of the capitalist system which ~~be~~is applied from the media.  
  
Capitalist system which has gradually emerges...  
... huge problem in ~~the~~this decades which are faced by society .  
  
The Philosophers, however, do not keep silence of it.  
However, The Philosophers does not keep it silence.  
  
... the key of figures in philosophy of ...  
  
These propagandas are greatly handy ...  
  
When the others philosophers stag ...  
Meanwhile, the others philosophers stag to make a new paradigm of people in the public sphere.  
  
thanks  
keep writing
According to the article, Trump tore through the Rust Belt states, such as Iowa, Ohio and Wisconsin, turning red a swath of states that had not voted for a Republican presidential nominee in decades including Pennsylvania, which was last voted Republican in 1988, and Wisconsin, which had been blue since 1984. Furthermore, Clinton fared worse than Obama in almost each voter group. In Philadelphia, where Clinton held a massive rally on November 7th, at which her husband Bill stayed, Obama and his wife Michelle, and Bruce Springsteen all performed, she won 46,000 fewer votes than Obama had in 2012. it can be seen that Trump hate as they did, many of Obama's voters, it seems, just could not bring themselves to vote for the unexciting and reviled alternative that Clinton presented them with and she ran a lavishly funded and highly professional campaign, using the sophisticated voter identification and mobilisation methods perfected by Obama.  
  
SOURCES: economist
Dear Eve01  
let me give you some inputs  
  
I found numerous of articles which contain same sentences with yours. maybe you just changing one word to its synonym. it is not paraphrasing. you need to understand first what the article talking about and you re-write with your own word. it is more complex than you think. if you just copy and paste and change some words, it will not help you improving you English. in order to overcome such problem, my suggestion is to read and understand the article. afterward, you translate it into bahasa and re-state with your own word based on your understanding.  
  
good luck
A breakdown of the information about the number's comparison of visitors to the two new music sites on the web in a 15-day period measured in thousand is shown in the line chart. Overall, the both figures witnessed an upward trend while the Pop Parade trends break the record as the highest one.  
  
Initially, the gap between the figures is widened up, with the guest of the pop parade at 120 thousands and approximately 40 thousands for music choice. At more detail to look at, the Pop Parade trend remain at the same point in the third day while it tends to fall down and reaches the lowest point in the ninth day at 40 thousands. Nevertheless, the Music Choice experiences a slight increase trend at the third day with approximately 60 thousands and reaches its lowest point at the ninth day at 20 thousands.  
  
A part from previous comparison, the Pop Parade experiences a remarkable increasing trend in the eleventh day at 150 thousands while the same dramatic raise trend in the twelfth day at 120 thousands. The trends are overtaken in the twelfth and thirteenth day while the Pop Parade trend reaches the peak at 170 in the last day. In reverse, the end of the period shows a considerable rate by 40 thousands for pop parade trend, while a slight increase trend of around 10 thousands witness in music choice making the gap between them narrowed down.  
  
*
Aloha Kiki, here is my thought for you  
  
(1) do not add "s" in "thousand" when you mention number before thousand e.g. **120 thousand** NOT 120 thousands  
(2) you can change "the first day" >> "day 1"  
(3) ~~The trends are~~ overtaken in the twelfth and thirteenth day [...] (I don't understand where it is referred to. Pay attention to Plural and Singular noun )  
  
(4) while a slight increase trend of around 10 thousands ~~witness~~is witnessed (change your active tense to passive; thus, your sentence has good flow ) in music choice making the gap between them narrowed down.  
  
I hope it can be helpful and I am waiting for your feedback
A breakdown of the information about the proportion of elderly people in three different developed countries for a 100-year period, started in 1940 is described in the given line graph. Overall, it can be seen that the number of elderly inhabitant in those countries has the similar upward trend and it is predicted to increase with the same pattern in the future.  
  
To begin, by 1940, USA and Sweden had higher proportion of older people living there at around 10% and 7% respectively and grew gradually in the next following decades. In contrast, Japanese elderly inhabitant had remain below one a fifth and kept unchanged for several years.  
  
In 1990, the aging people in two countries experienced a slight drop while Japan started to show an increase in elder inhabitant. Furthermore, in 2040, it is forecasted that Japan's elderly population will grow significantly and hit a peak nearly five times higher than the first time of the period. This projection places Japan in the highest position in the elderly citizen ratio and is followed by Sweden and USA.  
  
*
hallo.. i try to give some notes for you..  
  
**Firstly, please you put your question picture while upload your essay. Without any pictures you make the reader confuse to give your comment. Then i will give some suggestion for your essay content.**  
  
A breakdown of ~~the~~ information about the (...) is described in the ~~given~~ line graph.  
... in those countries ~~has~~ had ~~the~~ similar upward trend and it ~~is~~ was predicted to ...  
  
**Furthermore, in 2040, it is forecasted that Japan's [...] is followed by Sweden and USA.** (This already good because you can present it on future form)  
  
Overall good.. keep writing and break a leg..
Hi, let me give some advice, perhaps useful for you.  
1. give the measurement statement. ---> A breakdown of ~~the~~ information about the proportion (...) line graph and is measured by percent. .  
remember to put 3 predominant elements in your introduction. First, paraphrase the question, second is about what we are talking about, in this case is the proportion of elderly people in three different developed countries for a 100-year period, Third is the measurement.  
  
2. you should be more use paraphrase about the number. ex : 10 % = one-ten or a minority to make your essay more interesting.  
Overall good and keep writing Miss Nurul.
Halllo Nda,  
  
(please notice to your structure. in the first paragraph you should give brief explanation the chart you are going to describe, it contains (table information, measurement and most interesting fact on the chart. you did not do that on your writing task 1).  
  
... and Sweden had a higher proportion of ...  
  
**Overall, your writing is extremely good. but you need to use other expressions to describe the proportion such as a quarter. etc**
**(TED 12) To Find Work You Love, Don't Follow Your Passion - Benjamin Todd**  
  
In TED Talks, Benjamin Todd shared about the relationship between career and passion. Some people argue that a great career can be achieved by identifying your greatest interest or your passion. Perhaps, it is true that by following your passion, you will get a great career. But for Benjamin, if you follow your passion, you probably gain to fail. The data from University of Montreal reveals that there is only 3% jobs in arts, sports, and music while percentage of students who passionate in those passions reach at 90%. This means in majority, following your passion only makes you unsuccessful so you cannot fulfill your career. The pivotal way to deal with it is do what is valuable. Focus on doing beneficial activities to help each other is a secret key to fulfilling the career. The concept of his idea "do valuable things" consists of three steps: explore to learn something from different perspective, build others skills, and solve pressing social problems. It will lead you to become passionate individual in work you love. Remember that your present interest are not solid basis for career decisions.
Aloha Abul, here is my thoguht;  
  
(1) Some people ~~argue that~~argue(you can omit "that" of noun clause to make it more complex) a great [...]  
(2) ~~Perhaps~~ (it is too weak statement, you'd better say"probably" ); therefore, it is true that (...), you will **get**(gain/obtain) a great career.  
  
(3) ~~But~~nevertheless/nonetheless/however for Benjamin,(...) passion, you will probably gain to fail.  
(4) [...] reveals that there ~~is~~are only 3% of jobs in arts, sports, and music ~~while~~whereasthe percentage of (...) those passions ~~reach~~reaches at 90%.  
(5) ~~This means~~ in majority, [...]
The graph represents the information of visitors who search upon two latest music websites in two weeks. Overall, the both figures show upward trends whereas the web users more preferred to access pop parade rather than music choice.  
  
To begin, the difference gap between pop parade fans outweigh the number of musical lovers who started at 40000, by 80000. For the next 3 days, while web visitors who accessed music preferences decreased to half, raised up to 60000 and back again to 20000, the pop parade seemed remained constant and fell gradually at 4th day. It continued to step down to 60000 and then slight rose before sharply decreased by approximately 20000, which had been followed by musical enthusiasm in the end of the first week.  
  
The second weeks showed uprising level of web users who visited pop parade to reached 1600000, even though the numbers did remain stable between 12 and 13 days, whereas musical viewers firstly fluctuated during early 4 days before the number increased dramatically to 1200000 and reduced sharply about 40000 viewers.  
  
*
Hai @fadhilmd25, I got some advice for your writing:  
  
1. To begin, the difference gap between pop parade fans ... (between --> and, for me this sentence is not clear)  
  
2. the pop parade ~~seemed remained~~ (double verb, you can write " REMAINS) constant and ~~fell~~ (FALLS) gradually at 4th day.  
  
3. It continue~~d~~ (S) to step down to 60000 and then ~~slight rose~~ (RISES SLIGHTLY) before ~~sharply decreased~~ (DECREASING SHARPLY) by approximately 20000  
  
**\*pay attention on your tenses. According to picture, there is no information about the year, so you have to use simple present in your writing)**
The given graph provides the data about the number of university graduates between the two genders in Canada from 1992 to 2007. Overall, the number of graduated scholars experienced the similar pattern for female and male which is the upward trend. However, the female trend broke the record as the high one.  
  
According to the line graph, the starting number of female scholars in 1992 was lower than 100,000. Even though the female trend was sharply decreased in 1998, it was slowly increased in the end of 2000 with more than 100,000 female students released by the university. In contrast, started with 70,000, the growth of the number of male students graduated from university was steadily increased. In 1995, the trend achieved the number 75,000 while it experienced the same decreasing trend in 1998.  
  
At more detailed looked at, both of female and male trends were sharply increased since 2001. However, in 2007, female reached the peak with 145,000 while male remained with 95,000, making the gap between them widened.  
  
*
**Hi Miss Kiky.  
these are my thoughts towards your writing. Actually, your writing is a good job. However, you should have a bravery to compare figures.**  
  
the similar pattern for female and male which is the upward trend  
*the similar pattern for both figures of female and male, showing the upward trend. However, the number of female graduations always had been more than males.*  
  
*Turning to your body paragraph, you create sentence less interesting. I mean that you did not compare directly. You explained first about conditions of the female figure. After that, you continue reviewing about another figure. you are supposed to compare both figures in the same year. The way to improve your score is demonstrating your abliti to compare. Besides that, you convert the quantity of both figures to form of fraction to make those more various.*
This article provides such information that how to contend with a cup of coffee. The writer did some experiments to cool his coffee. The purpose of these experiments was to probe which method was the best to cool the coffee. Subsequently, cup 1 had a cover on the top, cup 2 had not lid and the third cup had a lid, yet he would blow on the opening. After several minutes, in consequence the cup without a lid was cooler than other, even though he poured the water with a little different temperature before. It was perfectly plain that by putting coffee next to something colder thermal energy was transferred to another colder coffee. However, this experiment was not enough to prove the theory. The second experiment was by evaporation. It was clear that when the coffee evaporates, by and large, the coffee cup without the lid with the result that it instantly became cooler than before. Afterwards, he took one more experiment with plugging in the small hole and lid and another one just had a lid. Surprisingly, both of coffee had same temperatures since the plug was to obstruct spilling coffee.
hai nina  
I have some suggestions for you  
hope it helps  
  
the article reveals the information about how to ...  
  
The writer did some experiments cooler his coffee.  
  
..., cup 2 had not ~~lid~~lied and the third cup ...  
  
After several minutes, ~~in consequence~~ the cup without a lid was cooler ...  
  
Surprisingly, both of coffees had same temperature~~s~~ since the plug ...  
  
thanks
QUESTION:  
**The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.**  
  
ANSWER:  
  
A breakdown of the information about the proportion of two different types of music links on the website, over the last fifteen days is appeared in the line chart. Overall, it is can be seen that the number of both music links was increased. In additional the pop parade was reached a peak in the last day.  
  
Initially, visitors are more likely listening to pop parade with by far 120 guests while the other one is only a quarter as much. The former's level narrows a gap with the latter's proportion. This is followed by a remarkable upward trend by music choice in the eleventh days.  
  
Eventually, the visitors who like to listen pop parade fallen down gradually close to 90 guests yet it is reached a peak roughly in 180 guests. Nevertheless the music choice listeners rose in the followed day yet it was fell down in the last day.  
  
*
Dear eva, here some advice for your writing and feel free to correct me too!  
  
Overall, it ~~is~~ can be seen (...) music links ~~was~~**are** increase~~d~~ .  
  
... pop parade **proportion**~~was~~**is** reache~~d~~ a peak in the last day.  
  
... to pop parade **site**~~with~~ by far 120 guests while ~~the other~~**another** one is only ...  
  
... listen pop parade fall~~en~~ down gradually (...) it is reache~~d~~ a peak roughly ...  
  
Nevertheless the music choice listeners ~~rose~~**rise** in the followed day yet it ~~was~~**is**~~fell~~**fall** down in the last day.  
  
Regards
**The graph above shows the quantities of goods transported in the UK between 1974 and 2002 by four different modes of transport**.  
  
The line graph gives the information about how much goods distributed by various types of transportation in the UK between 1974 and 2002. Overall, it can be seen that most of all kinds of transportation fluctuated but pipeline was an upward trend. Road is the most popular mode of transport among others.  
  
In 1974, about 70 million tonnes of goods distributed by road and over the 28 years still the highest amount of goods were delivered which reached a peak at under 100. In contrast, transportation with the pipeline is the lowest among others. Started from under 10 in the first year and ended at above 20 in 2002.  
  
Rail and water had the same starting point in delivering goods at above 40 million tonnes. From 1982 to 1994, transportation by water stabled at around 60 while rail fluctuated and bottomed at above 20 in 1994. In 2002, distribution of water is higher than rail about 65 and 40  
  
*   
*line graph*
Hello ifraanisa  
*this is my suggestion, i hope it will be useful for you*.  
  
According to the graph, In 1974, about 70 million tonnes of goods distributed ...  
  
it started from under 10 ...  
... delivering goods at above 40 ~~million tonnes.~~  
*to avoid repetition, you can mention the unit of measurement in your introduction*  
e.g. the unit of data is measured in million tonnes.
... about how much goods were distributed by various ...  
  
In 1974, about 70 million tonnesof goods WERE distributed by road[should passive voice==> tobe + v3] and over the 28 years still ...  
... with the pipeline ~~is~~was [prevously, you mention it in past, but you write it in present the lowest among others.  
  
... delivering goods at above 40 million tonnes.  
... is higher than rail about 65 and 40[unit? ==> it is quite ambiguityrespectively  
  
suggestion  
you should mention unit (million tonnes) in introduction to avoid repetition and ambiguity
Hello Iffa, let me give you some correction for your writing  
  
... about how much goods were distributed by various ...  
  
In 1974, about 70 million ~~tonnes~~tons "the plural of ton is tons, not tonnes" of goods distributed by road  
  
... at above 40 million ~~tonnes.~~ tons "the plural of ton is tons, not tonnes" .  
  
I recommend you must explain the stabil state in the figures of four different modes of transport. It can resulting many words for this writing.
A breakdown of the information about aging societies' numbers in three different developed countries during a century, started in 1940 presented in the line graph measured by percent. At a glance, all figures show an upward trend meanwhile the Japan populaces' number dominates the trend.  
  
Initially, there were roughly 10% of USA and Sweden societies are elderly people. Both of figures rose steadily in first 50 years to around 15%. While a contrast trend experienced by Japan as aging population decreased slowly to around 3% in 1980. Nevertheless, a remarkable incline is predicted will be faced by the latter in 30 next years since it rises its number considerably at present.  
  
Furthermore, an intersection was experienced by Sweden and USA as the former figure overtook the trend by its rising level to 20% while the other party remained stable. The surprising trend will be offered by Japanese as it will dramatically rocket to over 25% and reach its peak thus therefore its exceed the other two figures.  
  
*
Hallo here my suggestion for you. hope it helps..  
  
A breakdown of ~~the~~ information about aging ...  
... trend meanwhile ~~the Japan~~ Japanese populaces' ...  
  
... 10% of USA and Sweden ~~societies are elderly people~~**elderly people societies**.  
Nevertheless, a remarkable incline ~~is~~ was predicted...  
**(Because i think on this graph should on past form, so be carefull)**  
  
... as the former figure ~~overtook~~**took over** the trend by ...  
  
good luck
**Question :  
  
The charts below show the results of a questionnaire that asked visitors to the Parkway Hotel how they rated the hotel's customer service. The same questionnaire was given to 100 guests in the years 2005 and 2010**  
  
The pie charts compare the result of a questionnaire about the Parkway Hotel in different guests in 2005 and 2010. Overall, all figures showed a shift trend. In this case an increasing rate was shown in both at excellent and good answers while the other figures saw the opposite.  
  
In 2005 a satisfactory answer far most dominated the result of questionnaire at 45% but they had dropped to 17% in 2010, making its position be in the second place. In contrast, good answer stayed at fourth place in 2005, but in the year 2010 it experienced a considerable growth to 39% leading it to occupy the highest position at the year.  
  
Turning to the another comparison, the similar pattern was shown by both poor and very poor answers which decreased by 9% and 11% respectively, causing them stay at fourth and fifth position. While the excellent answer saw an increasing rate at 5% in 2005 to 28% in 2010, boosting its position in the second place in the year 2010.  
  
*
hi, let me give you some suggestions  
Overall, all figures showed a ~~shift~~ shifting trend.  
*shift is a verb. you need an adjective to make a noun phrase. adjective form for 'shift' is shifting*  
  
In 2005**,***(need comma)* a satisfactory answer (...) at 45% but ~~they~~**it**~~had~~ dropped to 17% ...  
  
but in ~~the year~~ 2010**,** it experienced a ...
Aloha Andika, here are my thoughts;  
  
(1) The pie charts compare the ~~result of a questionnaire about~~rating of the Parkway Hotel in ~~different~~100 guests ~~in~~each year(2005 and 2010) .  
(2) ~~Overall, all figures showed a [...] other figures saw the opposite.~~ (let me share my sample overview;overall, it can be seen that there was a significant increase in satisfaction from guests )  
  
(3) In 2005 ~~a satisfactory answer~~guests choosing "excellent" for this hotel were~~far~~ most dominated the (...) 17% in 2010, ~~making its position be in the second place.~~  
  
(4) In contrast, ~~good answer~~the choice "good" stayed at fourth ...  
(5) Turning to ~~the another~~the other//another comparison, the similar ...  
(5) **While ~~the excellent answer~~people feel excellent saw an increasing rate at ...**(I suggest you to mention this sentence on the previous paragraph)
Hello Andika, let me give you some correction for your writing  
  
In 2005 a (...) dominated the result of "missing article, you must add article the in this statement for write correct sentence" the questionnaire at 45% but (...) 17% in 2010, need connector "finally" making its position be ...  
  
... stayed at fourth place in "you must be add an article the" the 2005, but in the year ...  
  
... causing them stay at"you must be add an article the" the fourth and fifth position.