dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
*Question: In most countries multinational companies and their products are becoming more and more important. This trend is seriously damaging our quality of life. Do you agree or disagree?*  
  
## are multinational companies a threat to us?

  
  
Essay: Multinational companies and their products have become an integral part of people's lives . Never before have multinational companies played such a pivotal role in society. Today, both manufacturing and distribution have gone global, increasing the quantity and variety of goods while driving down the price. Despite their potential threat to local environment, they improve life rather than destroying it.  
  
Multinational companies may jeopardize environment in developing countries by setting up factories there. First, the need for raw material would drive companies to use up natural resources in developing countries where legislation and law enforcement for environmental protection are often scarcely upheld. Second, these manufacture factories are highly pollutive. Dirty water, carbon emission, and polluted air from these manufacturing sites could harm the health of residents.  
  
Yet the arrival of multinational companies can boom the local economy. It provides plentiful job opportunities to locals who are desperate to earn a living. Factories built overseas are usually labor-intensive, thus could hire a large local workforce. Wages from multinational companies would enhance local purchase force, contributing to a dynamic economy. Employed by such companies, parents could also provide better schooling for their children, which could pull deprived families out of the poverty cycle.Customers could benefit from multinational companies. First, these companies provide alternatives to local products. KFC, a global food chain, for example, serves western fast food which local restaurants in Asia do not provide . Second, products from multinationals could be more cost-effective, as they are manufactured in areas where labor and natural resources are cheap.  
  
In conclusion, though global companies may harm the environment of the developing world, they could bring benefits to their customers as well as the economy of where their products are manufactured.
Shurui, your opening paraphrase have off the proper interpretation of the prompt. This happened because you chose to discuss what you perceived to be the prompt topic in this first few sentences of the paragraph without making proper references to the original discussion. You also did not properly respond to the prompt question. Look at the comparison below to learn the errors that you made:  
  
**Original Prompt**  
  
*Topic: multinational companies and their products are becoming more and more important.  
Discussion Point: This trend is seriously damaging our quality of life.  
Question: Do you agree or disagree?*  
  
**Your Response:**  
*Topic: Multinational companies and their products have become an integral part of people's lives  
Discussion Point: Today, both manufacturing and distribution have gone global, increasing the quantity and variety of goods while driving down the price.  
Response: Despite their potential threat to local environment, they improve life rather than destroying it.*  
  
Task accuracy score: 1 - Your response is not related to the task you were provided to respond to.  
  
The minute you get a TA score of 1, you will not be able to receive a score of 5 for the essay because there are also vocabulary, paragraph discussion clarity, and sentence structure considerations to consider, all of which will not combine to make a passing score for you because of the problems your work entails in those areas. The first and foremost thing you have to prove to the examiner is that you understood the question and how to respond to it. Refer to the following example for a more proper approach to this type of question:  
  
*Multinational conglomerates and its creations have had a far reaching influence in people's lives. This direction is believed to have a ruinous effect on the condition of our lives. I tend to disagree with this statement due to several factors.*  
  
Always be clear in your thesis statements. If the questions asks you to respond with agree or disagree then use those keywords to prove that you understood the question. Don't write a long and wordy response that could lead, as it did in this instance, to a prompt deviation. To be sure, after writing the essay, make sure to double check the prompt so that you will be confident that you properly delivered the required response and discussion paragraphs.  
  
For an agree or disagree essay, pick one side and defend it throughout the body of paragraphs. You cannot take both sides in this discussion because it is not an extent essay. It is a single opinion essay discussion only.
*Education for young people is important in many countries. However, the others think government should spend more money for education in adult population who cannot read and write. To what extent do you agree or disagree?*  
  
## Money for youngsters or adults without schools?

  
  
Many believed that more money should be invested by authorities to educate adults who are illiterate. While I believe that the young should get education no matter what situations are, I argue that the government should give an equal spending on both adult illiteracy and young people.  
  
To begin with, financial resources of a nation should be spent on education for young people. Firstly, due to the lack of infrastructure and the shortage of teachers in rural areas, many children in these places are unlikely to receive schooling. Therefore, this leads to the fact that they may become illiterate at the later stage of their age. Secondly, because many poor families cannot pay tuition fees for their children, the government should make it possible to offer them to go to school by allocating money for building public schools or funding scholarships. Consequently, young people will have schooling, helping society to eradicate the illiteracy rate in the long run.  
  
However, adult people who cannot read and write should also need attention from authorities. The first problem is that it may be inconvenient or even serious for adults in some situations since they do not have basic literacy skills. For example, it will be dangerous for them if they travel on roads without an ability in reading traffic signals. This may lead to fatal consequences not only for them but also for other commuters and pedestrians. The second problem is that as they are not literate, they will find it difficult to know what happens around them when they are unable to read newspapers or books. Therefore, they will become much more dependent on others and gradually lose their confidence in their life.  
  
In conclusion, although youngsters have to receive education at any cost, authorities should spend equally money on giving young people education and removing the literacy in adults.
For the first one, it relates to the number of words you've produced where it limits to over 300 words. Second, it comes to the choice of words you put to the sentence such as "no matter what situations are" seems like it is inappropriate to be used.  
  
In addition, for the phrases," financial resources should be spent" seems to me that there is a sense of "forcing idea" but it is, to me, far better if you say "financial resources of one country should be allocated for the educational sector seeing the condition that ......, and "allocating money for building public ...", it's supposed to allocate money to build school's infrastructure or to fund scholarship.  
  
Another problem is that "as they are not literate, they will find it difficult to know what happens around them when they are unable to read newspapers or books. To my understanding, these sentences are quite redundant because the point is similar. Hence, it is far better if you can deliver any other ideas than do repetition.  
  
Best,
An Le, for starters, you are not giving the correct response in your thesis statement. Your response is not aligned with the prompt requirements because the:  
  
Prompt Question is: To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
Your Response: I argue that the government should give an equal spending on both adult illiteracy and young people.  
  
Your response does not respond to the question being asked. You have shown that your English comprehension abilities do not extend to understanding the basic instructional concepts used in English essay writing. This misconception on your part regarding the discussion requirements led you to create your own discussion prompt, question, and response development. This is better known as a prompt deviation is always spells a disastrous score for the test takers in the end.  
  
You got only a partially correct response to the prompt in the discussion paragraphs. This is not equivalent to a passing TA score because your prompt response in the paragraph was still incorrect as it did not deliver the correct extent response. Once the TA section does not get a passing score, it will be next to impossible for you get a score of 5 in the final scoring because you have other errors in the presentation that will further pull your overall scores down. Since this is an extent essay, you could have responded by saying that you partially agree with the statement and then offered a comparison discussion of the two sides of the issues. That would have been acceptable enough over the prompt deviation you created in your response.  
  
This is precisely the reason why you should not write more than 275 words for a Task 2 essay. You need time to review your content and make sure that you understood the instructions and that you provided the correct answer to the question. Once you make a mistake in your response and you do not correct it, you cannot expect to pass the test. You need to deliver an appropriate response with a polished presentation in your essay response as much as possible.
## The mix three chart task 1

  
  
Two charts and a graph given illustrate the number of university undergraduates, government spending on each of them from 1991 to 2001, and compare their family financial background in 1991. Figures were taken in the UK.  
  
Overall, the majority of the undergraduates fell into middle category. Despite the increased number of students in the UK, government spending was more and more limited toward the end of the period.  
  
A large proportion of undergraduates fell into the families with middle income was accounted for 62%, people from high-income houses constituting a second highest percentage was about 30%, and just only 8% of UK students came from groups with low-income background.  
  
The total UK university student number increased rapidly from 1991 to 1999, this growth was from 1100 000 to 2100 000. This number then slightly decreased to precisely 2000000.  
Although the student rate grew significantly, government budget allocated for supporting each student also declined dramatically from about 6600 in 1991 to under 5000 pound in 1996, a 1600 pound drop in only five years. This amount of money was then experienced almost no change until the end of the period.
*It often said that the governments spend too much money to protect wildlife, while there are other problems that are more important?  
Do you agree or disagree?*  
  
## budget for the endangered species protection

  
  
It is arguably these days the head of local pay too much attention toward the life of endangered species and put aside other problems in another way. While I agree to see the impact that may have on caring with the distinction animals, I also believe that there are other cases that needed to overcome its way out.  
  
It is noticeable that with the threat of life on the animals, concerning efforts might be a good solution since it can keep their offspring alive. It is because since they are no longer exist in our life and it is really huge the leader may lead to making them survive by giving conservation. Also with the craving of humans to put the advantage of their life, it might them extinct. Thus, it is true spending tons of money for the sake of one's life is no vain, even though there are debatable comments afterward. In the first place, animals are also creatures like the human, need to have a right to live their life.  
  
On the other hand, it also impacts to the bias action the authority runs since many things like the infrastructures, economics' boosts and education should be put attention to. Taking example for the condition of Indonesia where nowadays the people live there are not in good growth of the economics, seeing that fact that many live in an inappropriate place, lack of water consumption and has lagged in terms of education. That is way, the plan of executing more money on wildlife is not a good solution to witness other condition as mentioned above. For goodness sake, it should be run in both ways without putting one's aspect aside.  
  
At last, it is true that we have to keep the life of the endangered species but it is better not to spend much budget on it since there are lots of things the government should prioritize towards country's condition.
It, this essay is so confusing to read, the examiner will not be able to make sense of anything you said. I think the main problem in your writing is that you are using the transliterate method of writing. Transliterating is when you use the closest English equivalent word to represent a word from a different language. The whole essay sounds like you were thinking in Bhasa and then used an English equivalent for the presentation. When you do that, you end up writing an essay that has disconnected words because you only focused your work on the vocabulary aspect, totally disregarding the coherence and sentence structure of your presentation. As such, your essay does very poorly in all aspects of the discussion.  
  
I believe that you are not yet prepared to write any essay task at this point. You need to improve your English comprehension and simple sentence writing skills first. Once you learn to clearly express yourself in written English, without addressing any essay tasks first, then you can try and write simple task 1 essays first. Leave the more complicated task 2 essays for later.  
  
Remember, you have to:  
1. Understand English  
2. Think in English  
3. Write in English  
  
That is the proper order for your learning of the English language before you can actually commit to practicing task 1 or task 2 essays.
## the production of building concrete

  
  
The pictures illustrate the process of making cement and stages in the production of building concrete.  
From the limestone and clay, they are through into crusher to create the powder. This mix then put into the mixer before going to the next step in the rotating heater. In this stage, heating is blown into the machine, and then all mixed ingredients are under the grinder to create the cement. This cement is put into the bags then allocation and selling to the customers.  
  
In construction for a building, the workers use cement with others with the machine to make a mix of concrete for infrastructure. This mix includes 15 percent cement, one-tenth water, one-fourth of sand and the majority ingredient is gravel. Small stones accounted for a half of mix. All mix put into the machine - concrete mixer. Subsequently, the machine rolls around to create the soothing mix for construction purposes.  
  
*
Huyen, in order to gain the proper scoring consideration for this process explanation and analysis essay, you need to present 4 paragraphs. That is the requirement for this type of Task 1 writing and that is what the examiner will be looking for. You could have easily done that by dividing the explanation into 3 parts. These parts could have covered:  
  
1. Summary overview with trending statement  
2. Explanation regarding how cement production and concrete production use similar materials  
3. Cement production process  
4. Concrete production process  
  
For accuracy purposes, do not change the information in the illustration. The measurements for concrete production were presented in percentage format, yet in your analysis, you used word fractional measurements. This runs counter to the actual information presented and does not accurately represent the illustration. In order to score better, do not change the presentation from the original. By doing so, you indicate that you not only understood the material, but you also know how to accurately paraphrase the illustration in the presentation.  
  
By presenting the procedure in this manner, you will be able to meet the 4 paragraph requirement and also, better explain the procedure to the reader.
## the job market divided by gender and specific of a job

  
  
**Question: The two pie charts below show some employment patterns in Great Britain in 1992. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
The above pie charts illustrate the structure in job market divided by gender and job nature in the UK in 1992. Overall, most of the female employees did the non-manual job while manual work is the dominant occupation among men.  
  
First, the major sector of women works in clerical or related job as opposed to managerial and professional work for men, in terms of non-manual job. Clerical or related work account for slightly above 30% shown in the chart about women, whereas only makes up 6% among male employees. Instead, more than 36% of male works in managerial or related work, but that only accounts for 26% in women.  
  
Second, regarding the manual employment nature, the items called other manuals account for the most proportion in both female and male, while general labourers devoted to the least. Other manuals item makes up 27% for female while 26% for male, and general labourers only account for 1% and 2% for women and men respectively.  
  
In brief, the employment pattern in manual nature shares similarity between men and women, but the non-manual nature shares differences  
  
Thank for all of you.  
  
*
Gordon, you must present only one trending statement in the Task 1 essay. You have 2 trending statements indicated in this analysis. One at the beginning and one at the end. To quote:  
  
Overall, most of the female employees did the non-manual job while manual work is the dominant occupation among men.  
In brief, the employment pattern in manual nature shares similarity between men and women, but the non-manual nature shares differences  
Both of these qualify as trending statements. Therefore, you should combine these 2 separate trends into one presentation sentence within the summary overview. Speaking of the summary overview, you did not completely indicate the full information that was presented in the pie charts. You also should not say "above" because the assumption is that the reader will not have a copy of the chart so you need to describe it from scratch. You could have written the summary overview in a more complete manner as follows:  
  
*Two pie charts are provided for comparison regarding the employment trends between men and women in Great Britain. The year for comparison provided was 1992. This essay will analyze the information as presented in the charts and include information about comparison points where possible. There overall trend that can be seen within the charts indicates that the females dominated the non manual work while the men dominated the manual side.*  
  
By the way, while that particular country is called the UK in general, the chart indicates that the information is from Great Britain. In order to make sure that the information you are presenting is always accurate, you cannot change the references in the chart. If the chart says Great Britain, then you should write Great Britain, regardless of how the whole world recognizes that particular country. This is part of the task accuracy consideration. How well do you present the information from the chart? How accurate is your information? That is why you cannot change the references in the presentation.
Hi Gordon, it is with special permission from the forum owners that I am able to give you one last piece of additional advice. In this case, I will be responding to your question. I believe that you are confusing the writing methods for the Task 1 and Task 2 essays.  
  
A task 1 essay does not need a summary conclusion / concluding paragraph because it is an analytical report. An analytical report is a paraphrased summary of already existing information. It does not require you to make a concluding summary at the end because there is nothing to conclude. You are not given any room to present a personal opinion or observation at the end of a Task 1 essay. Your only job, as a writer of a Task 1 essay, is to summarize the findings based on the already existing report. The existing report has a trending statement, which is what indicates the possible conclusion, based upon the analyzed information, for the essay. You do not need to write a summary for the last paragraph. However, you may opt to present a 3 sentence trending statement at the end of the analysis since the trending statement can be placed anywhere in the essay paragraphs. You can say something like:  
  
*Based upon the analysis of the given information, it appears that a particular trend is emerging. The upward trend is... While the downward trend is...*  
  
The above is a sample of a stand-alone trending statement. Of course the content will vary depending upon the existing trend in the illustration you are provided. Since such a trending statement can be a bit difficult for the average exam taker to write, I always advise my students to simply write a single trending sentence that can be incorporated into the summary overview at the start of the essay. That way, a comprehensive 3 sentence presentation can be made at the start to help increase the TA score of the exam taker.  
  
The Task 2 essay is the essay that requires a summarized last paragraph as the instructions / format for that essay indicates the need for the exam taker to properly summarize the body of paragraphs and other opinions in the discussion, while also presenting a closing sentence at the end. This is a discussion essay that requires a conclusion to be made. Task 1 does not require that as there are no opinions nor thesis statements required to be made within the analysis of the report. All you have to remember is this:  
  
*Task 1 - no conclusion  
Task 2 - with a conclusion (summarized concluding paragraph for previous discussion)*