dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Okay first, this may be called my first attempt in doing an essay... the topic is: Mistakes are always part of learning, and itssupposed to be argumentative, 350 words. I am not sure myself if this can be called essay at all... but oh well, I'm looking forward for opinions and finding out if its atleast close.  
  
## Mistakes are always part of learning

  
  
People are bound to make mistakes, its simply inevitable, being prepared beforehand may help a bit, but at the end you cannot fully predict what may happen. It's just how it goes,people naturally cannot foretell with certainty what's going to happen or how things will turn out. Mistakes are one impending chunk of life, whereas positive or negative, it would all depend on many factors.  
  
Mistakes are sort of a way to learn, but for one to learn from a mistake one has to admit his mistake first.It may sound easy, admit your mistake and be done with it, but that may not exactly be the case. For some people admitting their mistake would mean they are inferior or incompetent, that may come up with a major blow to their ego and even their mental state.Take for example a grand scientist with lots of titles and even a nobel prize, but lets a random mistake slip-by unnoticed and after time, some minor assistant-character finds that exact mistake, how would the grand scientist that has uncountable amount of prizes feel? Probably would not pay much attention to it, but what if that scientist has superb ego, looking at everyone with disdain thinking everyone is beneath?  
  
Mistakes wont necessarily result in a successfull lesson as it would depend on the person, everyone is different, some may comprehend what went wrong, and then find the flaw in their doings and incarcerate it, whilst others may simply let go of it and never come back to think for a moment, what possibly went wrong and how could they edify from the mistake.  
  
There are tons of types of mistakes, some are from ignorance, have you ever put a fork or a spoon in the microwave as a kid? others from boredom or laziness, trying to hasten the period of work so after the job is done you can just go away and take a nap or do plain laziness.  
  
Another type of mistakes are the systematic mistakes, they are carved deep into your being, they are also arguably the most frustrating mistakes, hardest to overcome mistakes.
Hi Joey, I have to say, you are too hard on yourself. The mere fact that you were able to write all these words and use them in paragraph form already means that you were able to write an essay. You actually developed a pretty good discussion based on the topic you were given. You had insightful information to share and you kept track of what you wanted to focus on throughout the paragraph presentations. Good job! Now, while the formatting and sentence structures have some problems (needing to divide the paragraphs into topics, extremely long sentences that should have been presented in shorter sentence for better presentation and understanding, to name but a few), it doesn't erase the fact that this can be considered a successful attempt at writing an essay. You just need to practice more and develop confidence when it comes to using the essay to present your voice pertaining to a discussion. Not bad at all. I look forward to reading your upcoming essays.
**Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country.  
  
Discuss both these views and give your opinion.**  
  
## the importance of economy

  
  
While there are a lot of countries that only aimed for economic developments, there is a portion of people who say there are a lot of aspects for a country to count it as a strong one. Both points of views shall be discussed along with my own ideas about the subject.  
  
On one hand, in today's world, money plays an important role. From the government's perspective, a great economy will give them the power to prepare better lifestyle for their own people. For instance, countries that have a good economy, their citizen's are happier than other countries.  
  
On the other hand, there are a lot of other aspects involve, namely; healthcare, sports, and culture. There are people that argue these types of development is as crucial as the economic one. Because the economic itself does not guarantee the well being of citizen's life. For example, there are countries that have a lot of resources but spend all of it for wrong purposes, like war missiles.  
  
Lastly, in my own opinion, a good economy can give advantages to the country. In fact, it is a leverage that can be used in international talks or to prepare a wonderful healthcare system for their people. It is the matter of how to use the resources, whether care about the citizens or not.  
  
In conclusion, both points of view about the importance of economy were discussed, in addition to my personal view on the subject, which is, even though economics is the most important aspect of a country, it is also important how to use it.  
  
(267 Words)
While there are ..., there is a ... who say there are ... : you used "There are/is" 3 times, try to write it in a different way.  
  
Both points of views ~~shall~~ be discussed ... : will  
... aspects involve, namely; healthcare, ... : you should use "such as"  
Lastly, in my own opinion, a good economy can give advantages to the country: of course, but you should emphasize that in your point of view the economy progress is the most important goal of a country.  
  
In conclusion, both points of view about the importance of economy were discussed: you should restate the important discussion points from your presentation  
  
I hope these corrections can help you:)
@just\_writer Of course I won't give up on you. I am going to keep helping you and providing constructive feedback until you take and (I do not doubt that you will) pass the IELTS test. The sample sheet is a good way to practice for the test. Just don't let it get the better of you because, in that almost exam testing center situation, you will have a tendency to lose your head and in the process, panic when the time comes to write the essay. Now, on to the review of your work in this essay.  
  
Reading your essay, it seems to me that you have more to say, but you are holding back. Don't do that. Complete your discussion. Aim to present the complete 5 sentence presentation so that you can fully develop your examples and explanations. In each paragraph, you seem to have at least 2 more sentences to present. Don't let the opportunity to improve your GRA and C&C scores go by. Most of your discussions need further development. That is why I am saying that you are wasting the opportunity. In each paragraph try to present the following:  
  
1. Topic sentence (Only one per paragraph)  
2. Reason 1  
3. Supporting sentence 1  
4. Supporting sentence 2  
5. Example  
  
By using the aforementioned format, you will be able to fully explain your thought process in the paragraph. This is the aim of the GRA and C&C scoring sections. That is why there is a 5 sentence maximum as well. You can easily defend the pros and cons in every paragraph using the format I just gave you. It allows you the opportunity to fully allow yourself to achieve the maximum possible score in the 2 scoring considerations. If you can improve your paragraph presentations, then your ability to gain a higher score is also increased.
**The table below shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two periods.  
  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant**  
  
## Ashdown museum visitors

  
  
The table shows the total number of people who visited the Ashdown museum a year before and after the changes in inside and outside of the building. Also, there are two pie charts that compare the result of the visitor's comments before and after the changes, about whether they liked the new likes or not.  
  
Firstly, the total amount of people who visited the museum raised from 74000 before the changes to 92000 after it. In fact, by paying attention to the charts, it is understandable that the percentage of people who were satisfied or very satisfied increased from 45% to 75%.  
  
Secondly, the portion of visitors that were dissatisfied or very dissatisfied dropped from 50% to 20%. In more details, the portion of people that have been very dissatisfied fell dramatically from 40% to 15%. Also, there are 5% of visitors who didn't engage in the survey in both years.  
  
Overall, from the pie charts, it is obvious that more people liked the new style.  
  
(159 Words)
@just\_writer even without the file uploaded yet (you should do that for a better review) your essay will automatically fail because you just cut and pasted the original prompt with very little changes in your summary overview. You should learn to present the original prompts in your own understanding. This has not been too much of a problem for you before. I am wondering what the situation was that led you to almost not even try to properly write this essay. The opening summary faults alone are enough to garner you a failing score for this presentation. All of your sentences are run-ons and do not help to prove your ability to write complex sentences. Breaking down the presentations in shorter sentences should help you achieve that. At 159 words, you just only made the minimum word requirement. Frankly, you did not even try to write properly in the same way that you tried for the other essays. This is a disappointing writing attempt on your part. It makes me sad to see this failure of an essay coming from you.
Please give me some feedbacks. Thank you so much.  
  
***Topic**: New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?*  
  
## children benefit greatly from technological advances

  
  
People have different views about effects of technological innovations on children. In my opinion, technology can bring more benefits for youngsters in their spare time than drawbacks.  
  
On the one hand, there are two considerable disadvantages for children when they devote most of their free time to using technological advances. Firstly, spending many hours in front of computers may lead to health problems. For example, blue light and flickering image can strain their eyes and cause dry eyes, not to mention the high risk of childhood obesity. Secondly, a number of young people prefer chatting instead of face-to-face interactions, resulting in a lack of communication skills in real life. That is, they tend to be more negative, vulnerable and dependent on parents when dealing with social situations.  
  
However, I would argue that these drawbacks are outweighed by the benefits. Using the Internet, children can learn more about the world because online resources are unlimited and accessible anytime, anywhere. My daughter, for example, used her smartphone to search for the World War 1 so that she enhanced her knowledge base and passed the history test easily. Another convincing reason is that youngster can boost their intelligence, memory, and problem-solving skills through mind games and educational applications such as Sudoku, ClassDojo, and Tic Tac Toe. Consequently, new technologies both improve the habit of self-study and encourage children's brain development.  
  
In conclusion, as children benefit greatly from using technological advances in their free time, it is clear that the advantages of technology outweigh disadvantages.
Van, there are actually two ways of discussing this essay. One, is the method which you used, the personal opinion which, although not required by the prompt, can be accepted by the examiner to a certain extent. The other, is the public opinion presentation. The latter, is the more acceptable presentation for this essay prompt because it allows you to present the best public information in the manner indicated by the prompt. Now, whether or not you used the public discussion format or not, it does not erase the fact that your essay opening statement is lacking in the sentence requirement department. That tells the examiner that your presentation is incomplete and is not an accurate paraphrase of the prompt. You always need to present up to 5 sentences, no less than 3 in each paragraph because that is how your English abilities are best assessed. The more you use the language, the more accurate the judging will be. My presentation would have been:  
  
*The advent of technological devices have created a new way for children to fill their vacant hours. While some believe that the advantages of these devices outweigh the disadvantages, there are those who believe otherwise. This essay will discuss both points of view in order to determine whether or not the positives of technological use among children outrank the negatives.*  
  
By creating a more accurate representation of the prompt in your own understanding, you will be able to write at least 3 sentences that will help you better outline your English understanding capabilities, which are scored first. Don't present any information like a personal opinion at this point. You must save it for the body of the essay where you will then be scored on your ability to explain yourself in English. You will have 3 paragraphs with which to do that.  
  
If you want to get the best possible score for your body of paragraphs. Never discuss 2 topics in one paragraph. The highest possible score for the C&C section can only be achieved if you are capable of fully explaining, reasoning, and supporting a single idea in one presentation. The GRA score is highest when you are capable of threshing out your thoughts in a manner that allows you to develop a mix of simple and complex sentences. When you present more than one thought in each paragraph, you do not have the opportunity to fully defend each side and increase your GRA potential. By focusing on a single topic, you maximize the scoring potential of each paragraph.  
  
The problem with your conclusion is the same as your opening statement. You are not fully utilizing the presentation of the summarized discussion within 3-5 sentences. So you lessen the potential of your essay to achieve its maximum score.
***The map below shows the changes in an American town between 1948 and the present.  
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevant.***  
  
## transformation of an American town

  
  
The map illustrates different arrangements of an American town between 1948 and the present year. Here can be found diverse changes. They will be summarized in this essay by making appropriate comparisons.  
  
Overall, the transport system goes unchanged whereas the buildings beside have largely been transformed. Almost all of the redevelopments occur north of the canal. The sole exception is in the southwestern corner, where a church has been repurposed.  
  
In 1948, there was a petrol station in the north of the town, across from a park. Along the road to the southwest, there were a residential area and a local supermarket beyond; to the northeast lies an industrial zone. On the other side of the canal was situated a larger housing estate, away from a church in the southwest.  
  
Currently, while the petrol station still stands, the park has been replaced with a supermarket and other commercial buildings. Furthermore, the factories have been converted to an airport, and both the smaller residential section and the local supermarket has given way to commercial structures. The church has vanished, with a sport stadium constructed instead. For all these transformations, the housing complex in the southeast of the town remains intact. It is also notable to mention that the grid of roads and the canal are untouched.  
  
**215 words  
I am trying to improve my English proficiency by keeping writing. My current focus is on map analysis. I would more appreciate it if you score my essay.**  
  
I have a question: if the prompt goes that "The map below shows the changes in an American town between 1948 and**2010", is it appropriate to assume 2010 is the present year?** Or should I use the simple past tense to describe 2010? (such as ...the housing complex... remain**ed** intact)  
  
* 
*
Hi Gang, I would like to respond to your question before I continue with further assessments of your essay. Since the year 2010 is in the past, you must use simple past tense to describe the elements from that part of the map. It is not considered the present year. If a discussion is to take place in the present year, the prompt will indicate that as "present, current, or ongoing" or some other word variation within the presentation. In this particular instance, you can assume that these changes have taken place in 2017 , as the prompt indicates and the present, so you must use present tense to describe the changes indicated. However, you must not make the mistake of using or mentioning the current year in the essay because there is no such assumption or presentation being made in the original prompt. The present is simply, the present, sans any actual reference to a time frame. These prompts are always recycled for use in review every year. The practice prompts do not change. These are only added to when some question is retired from the test pool. It is added to the practice pile. So there is a tendency for generic references to years in the essay prompts.  
  
Let's work on improving your sentence presentations. Shall we?  
  
Here can be found diverse changes.  
- Diverse changes can be found in the second map.  
  
They will be summarized  
- These will be...  
  
transport system goes unchanged whereas  
-...system remains unchanged while...  
  
...building beside IT have...  
  
the northeast lies an industrial zone.  
-... lay an industrial...  
  
~~On the other side of the canal was ...~~  
- The other side of the canal housed a large community housing estate  
  
and the local supermarket has given way ...  
- ... supermarket HAVE given...  
  
~~church has vanished, with a sport ...~~  
-The sports stadium has replaced the church.  
  
The sentences that I corrected were only done in an effort to show you how you can create more impressive complex sentences using lesser words. You don't need to be extremely wordy in these essays provided you have the vocabulary and sentence development know how to create "native" sounding sentences that the native English speaker can easily understand. Even with these slight sentence issues, you still have the potential to deliver a level 9 essay here. Your work falls under the required criteria.
## easiness of information availability

  
  
The widespread use of the internet has given people access to information on a level never experienced before. How does this increase in the availability of information influence life in today's world?"  
  
There is a buzzword named 'game-changer' which now ubiquitously applied to almost any conception that demonstrates any slightest glimpse of novelty and originality. Twitter, Ebay, Amazon, Facebook, Google..., this enumeration could be easily stretched and continued. Each one of them (plus much more unmentioned) is considered to bring to our life some unforeseen though very valuable shift. However, as far as I concerned, this is exactly the case of not seeing the forest for the trees. There is a discovery which became so familiar and accustomed to our eyes that it's colossal and enormous consequences went by largely unnoticed. The name of this discovery is the invention of the Internet which for last 30 years silently shattered and changed our world in almost any dimension.  
  
The expansion of the internet presented humanity with an unprecedented possibility to learn and to spread knowledge. By the strength of the consequences the proliferation of the internet could be fairly compared possibly only to the discovery of typography. The latter invention helped humanity to spread the light on knowledge which then dispelled the darkness of ignorance of the Middle Ages. However, there needed several centuries to promulgate literacy among a very narrow slice of privileged people such as aristocracy. Nowadays, already half of the population has an access to the internet on the daily basis and the right to have an access to the internet is declared in the Declaration of United Nations. Of course, it is a vast distance between claiming the right, and it's actual implementation in real life; humanity has been still struggling to enforce the right to work and even sometimes the right to life in some corners of the globe. However, the pace of the changes allows one to hope that this time the needed time will be measured not in centuries but at least in decades.  
  
For me, the internet serves as a wise advisor, who could be asked when no one can. The internet is not only the place where one can find answers, but it is also the place where one can ask questions without feeling guilty or ashamed. There are questions be it medical or personal which by some reasons we prefer not to articulate aloud and but still we eager to know the answers. Today the history of the search query could be considered as a most important record of the person's activity. One can easily bend the truth in speech or be flexible with facts in a resume, but the search history can always reveal person's authentic interests.  
  
From my point of view, the easiness of the availability of information due to the internet has re-shaped our model of searching and acquiring information and irreversible recast our world, which can be clearly seen in the several nearest decades.  
  
\_\_\_  
As a non-native English speaker, I would very appreciate any highlighting of any mistakes. Thank you for reading!
Ainur, there is a lack of clarity in the presentation of your essay. Don't get me wrong, I can somehow grasp the concept of the discussion and some of the points you are trying to make. The problem is that you did not properly develop your pre-writing style and outline prior to your actual writing. These are the reasons why your essay seems to be all over the place and without a proper direction.  
  
The pre-writing considerations allow you to present all of the ideas that you want to present in your essay. Everything from A-Z may be presented at this stage. In the next stage however, you will need to whittle those ideas down. When you start to outline your work, you will need to consider the following:  
  
1. What is your thesis statement?  
2. Why do you think this topic of importance?  
3. Do you have access to the necessary files for this research?  
  
After you figure out those first 3 questions, you can begin to outline your research discussion:  
  
1. State your thesis statement  
2. Objective statement  
3. Discussion 1 with evidence  
4. Discussion 2 with evidence  
5. Personal opinion (if required)  
6. Concluding statement  
  
What i presented above is a simplified version of a topic outline. It can work for your purposes because you just need to practice writing a research paper. When you finally write a real research paper, you will need a far more intricate outline. Use the above examples as your guide from when you write another paper. You should have some content improvement or focused discussion by that time.