dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Firstly, I must say, good job on the usage of cohesion. I also really like the way you used comparison in the second line.  
  
In it's contrast the second paragraph looks lacking, not in information, but rather presentation. It sounds a bit hurried too, making its interpretation a tad difficult (which is primarily what task 1 is for). I understand if you did this keeping the word limit in mind, but I implore you to look into better sentence presentation.
It is undoubtedly true that living in an ideal society has been dreamt by all people throughout our whole history. A perfect society is defined on an influx of factors and individuals have their own vision of what their ideal society should look like . In this essay, I would present two main significant elements that are required in a world that everyone desires to live in.  
  
The first but also prerequisite factor of a desirable society is that education is free to every individual and it goes without saying that education is utterly of paramount importance in this day and age. It is well known that illiteracy is one of the main factors which serves as a stumbling block in the advancement of a nation and render that country under-developed .Africa,for instance, is currently still a under-developed and impoverished country compared to other nations in the world due to the fact that government invest too little on education and the majority of its population cannot afford for formal education. Hence, I strongly believe that if education is made free, all citizens in the world are provided equal opportunity to go to school. As a result, they will get a good command of essential skills and acquire enough knowledge , thus landing a good-paid job in the future and having a much brighter life .  
  
In addition to that, a perfect world that everyone always long for is the place where war, terrorism or conflict is non-existent. This is because war is synonymous with destruction, death and it also causes mankind to separate with their loved ones and live in horror . This can be illustrated that in the past, a plethora of unjust wars broke out, World War II is a case in point, which killed millions of lives and caused countless losses to humankind. On top of that, it left the victims of these unjust wars with psychological trauma and wounds which can never be healed. As indicated above, it is apparent that peace acts as a deciding factor in creating a world that everyone dreams of living in.  
  
To encapsulate, I would conclude that, besides other factors , free education and peace are still crucial components of a worth-living world and each of us should join hands to build such a truly desirable society.
The writer has over-written this essay with almost 400 words in the presentation. This type of presentation is unrealistic and cannot be met during the actual test due to time constraints. The writer has simply gone overboard with his writing, with complete disregard for the timing considerations of the task. This is the main reason that this essay will fail in an actual test. Too much discussion means the writer will run out of writing time and end up with an incomplete essay, which will automatically get a failing score. The writer must learn proper time management within the alotted time frame.  
  
The writer has also made a claim of absolute certainty in the first sentence, which is not a part of the original presentation. Rather than simple restatement and direct question responses, he instead began to discuss the topic in the incorrect paragraph. Another error that will lead to a failed test score.
***Q: More and more people are seriously overweight.  
Some people suggest the solution to this problem is to increase the price of fattening foods.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
A: There is no denying that the number of obesity in humans is increasing dramatically day by day. according to experts, the solution is to impose a higher price on fast foods. To some extent, I agree that this is a brilliant suggestion, while I also believe that this isn't the only way that we could think of.  
  
It is true that rising food prices tend to create hesitation when a person is about to purchase it. In light of economic hardship, people need to consider carefully before any payment because money doesn't grow on trees. And when it comes to fast food which is obviously not human stable food, consumers will probably choose to not buy it anymore once the cost is increased. another explanation for the mentioned fact is that people are accustomed to buying fast food at an affordable price. This sudden change is likely to curb the craving for junk food among eaters.  
  
However, pushing the price is not the only solution that we could come up with. One another viable remedy that I could think of immediately is to raise the awareness within individuals about a healthy and fitness body. For instance: encouraging citizens to exercise daily or go to the gym if they are not able to do it themselves. Exercising or gym is not only helps overweight people to get their desired body but also improves their health from the inside. For example, running, swimming is both great ways to burn fat and build muscle while bicycling makes your legs more flexible.  
  
All in all, there are various recommendations to reduce the seriousness of overweight that people can refer to alongside increasing the fee. That said, humans' consciousness is still the most crucial factor in the process. In conclusion, I'd like to send to all the fat people out there: what you need to do right now is to forget about that bowl of French fries and get up, do something active and be more patient with the result
The writer has not provided a simple restatement of the topic. When rewriting the topic presentation, the personal opinion presentation or any other information reference must be avoided as it changes the original topic projection. When the topic representation carries added information, the examiner will have no choice but to reduce the possible score for that section since it is no longer in accordance with the original content presentation.  
  
To some extent, I agree that this is a brilliant suggestion  
while I also believe that this isn't the only way that we could think of.  
The extent response is correct but not properly formatted for the presentation. Consider that the second half appears to run counter to the measured response and you will understand why the score will be faced with deductions. Had the writer framed this as " I agree that this is a brilliant suggestion to the extent that this isn't the only way..." then the writer's opinion + thesis statement would not appear to be contradicting each other.  
  
The concluding paragraph must not contain additional discussion presentations anymore. It must only restate the topic, writer's opinion, and reasoning subjects. When new information is included, it will not be given a score and will instead, force deduction upon the concluding paragraph due to incorrect discussion format problems.
***Task 2: Scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the governments rather than private companies.***  
## Do you agree or disagree?

  
  
In this day and age, science serves as a powerful tool to prosperously improve the world. Therefore, some people face a dilemma about the question of who should take responsibility for scientific research. While some individuals believe that corporations should carry out scientific projects, I agree with those who think scientific experiments should be supervised and funded by the state.  
  
There are two underlying danger factors when the private company controls science. First of all, they may be lured to make inaccurate experiments in order to maximize profits. They might manipulate the results which can bring benefits for them or boost the sale of companies' products. For instance, some chemical corporations want to enlarge their revenue so that they produce adverse pesticides in order to kill insects, worms, or ladybirds as much as possible. They can lead to the imbalance of the ecosystem and push some tidy animals into the verse of extinction. Secondly, if genetic engineering is carried out by corporations, they can not ensure the quality and ethical perspective. For example, private companies might produce genetically modified crops and these plants have some unproven effects. However, they do not take responsibility for their mistakes and nature might meddle.  
  
On the other hand, it might be essential for the government to supervise scientific research. Firstly, government decision-making is the best way to prioritize the expenditure on specific areas of research and do not break into new markets. Given renewable energy as an example, the development of this clean energy can foster the standard of living and reduce contamination. Last but not least, the state's budget is large so they can allocate their revenue to scientific experiments annually. This can attract excellent individuals who contribute their talent to make useful products.  
  
In conclusion, science is instrumental for the world. If the private corporations can control, they might use it to collect money and bring negative influences. Therefore, the state is ideal to carry out science experiments because of their large subsidy and prosperous values.
In this day and age,  
The writer must remember that the paragraph needs to contain only basic information to meet the restatement + opinion requirements. The one thing that it must refer to is the personal opinion of the writer. Yes, a thesis statement is an opinion representation. However, it does not go into a detailed discussion yet. That is the problem with this presentation The first sentence is the writer's personal opinion, which altered the topic statement and thus, will result in deducted points. Good work on the thesis statement though.  
  
The first reasoning paragraph is unnecessary and will not be helpful in the scoring of this essay. That is because, the essay requires 2 supporting reasons for the writer's opinion. The explanation supporting the opposite point if view us unwarranted and will not be considered as a part of the C+C considerations. That paragraph creates an under developed reasoning presentation instead.  
  
it might be essential  
Points lost for lack of conviction and convincing reason for the writer's opinion. The opinion went from clear and assured, to uncertain. Which means the overall discussion is not projecting the clarity of the writer's opinion. The main score is based on the strength of the writer's reasoning presentation. Any points of uncertainty adversely affect the score.
## travelling to work in Houston, Texas

  
  
The table and the bar chart illustrate the percentage of travelers using different commuters to work in Houston, Texas, their average ages, and how much carbon dioxide do the transports produce. People who use public transports such as cars or trains/buses have a higher percentage, between 37 and 48. On the other hand, sharing a car to go to work is only 11 percent. While cyclists and walkers have the lowest percentage, which is 4 percent. People who go by trains or buses, at 47, three or four years older than using private cars. However, travelers using private cars, are 43-44, four or five years older than those who use cycle or go on foot. Commuters which are cars for driver-only produce the most carbon dioxide. People using public transports and cycling/walking produce a tiny amount. Overall, cars with just a driver are the most common means of transport to work and cause more pollution than all the other means of transport combined.
Although you wrote 163 words, way above the basic requirement, you have not done a good job at analysing the images provided. You also did not follow the correct presentation paragraph format for the report. There is no clear summary indicator nor trending statement which further adds to the failing score consideration for this report.  
  
Kindly remember that when 2 images are presented for analysis and reporting, the writer is expected to present a 4 paragraph essay covering:  
  
- Summary + trending statement  
- 1st image analysis  
- 2nd image analysis  
- Comaprative analysis of the two images  
  
When this presentation format is not followed, and a compressed report, which is obviously written without regard for clarity, the exam taker is risking receiving a failing score. This essay, will definitely not pass the test.
## the dilemma of all mankind

  
  
Currently, besides the covid 19 pandemic, humanity is still facing the problems of global warming. It is gradually becoming the dilemma of all mankind to solve. This essay will discuss the cause, effects and some possible solutions and what governments and individuals can do to address these problems.  
  
Global warming is the rise in the average temperature of the earth due to an increase of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere. The reason why this happened is carbon dioxide emissions from the burning of fossil fuels, deforestation for farmland, wood and paper and the use of chemical fertilizers on croplands, ect. Last year, forest fires frequently occurred in countries around the world such as Australia, Spain and Greece. This threatens the lives and habitat of many many kinds of animals as well as humans. It gives rise to ecosystem imbalance and extinction of some species.This partly shows the serious consequences of global warming.  
  
However, we still have many ways to restrict global warming. First, the government must forbid and severely punish the factories and organizations which dump toxic waste into rivers, lakes or sea. Second, they can encourage citizen to use public transports instead of motorbikes or private vehicles.  
  
Last but not least, one of the most important things to reduce global warming is people's awareness. Individuals have a responsibility to protect the environment and make a contribution to decrease the temperature of the earth by using reusable bags when going shopping instead of using plastic bags to contain food or groceries.  
  
In conclusion, global warming is man-made; therefore, we have to take the responsibility to reduce it to the lowest point. But, the issue can be resolved by everyone in the world and individuals must understand the harmful impact of global warming.
Currently, besides the covid 19 pandemic,  
The scope of this essay should cover only a general analysis of the provided topic, global warming. This should not include references to other situations such as the pandemic. The writer must restate the prompt as provided. No embellishments, no additional subject references. Avoid restatement alterations as such actions will lower the TA score.  
  
This essay will discuss  
The examiner already knows what the instructions for writing the task are. There is absolutely no need to repeat the writing instructions. There will not be any score applied to that section. What he is looking for are references to how well you understood the discussion requirement through your straightforward responses to the questions or writing focus targets. Such a non-answer reference will further reduce the task accuracy score of the first paragraph.  
  
Global warming is the rise  
There is no need to define global warming. The writer needs to only provide the valid cause and solution discussion in this essay.  
  
The reason why this happened  
Do not list several causes, focus on one or two related causes instead. Remember that you will be scored on the clarity of your explanation and validity of your solution presentation. Do not keep writing just for the sake of writing. The response loses meaning when you do that.  
  
The essay is over discussed. This is only a 4 paragraph essay, not a 5 paragraph representation. Even with the 5 paragraph presentation, the writer has not provided well developed explanations in the parasgraphs. His focus was only on the word count rather than the quality of the explanation and the validity of the responses.
## Caribbean island tourists

  
  
This is my task 1. Please check it for me. Thank you.  
**The graph below shows the number of tourists visiting a particular Caribbean island between 2010 and 2017.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
The line graph illustrates how many tourists made a visit to an island in Caribbean from 2010 to 2017, measured by millions.  
  
Overall, the total travellers who went to the Caribbean island saw an upward trend, which was the result of increases in the amounts of visitors who stayed on both cruise ships and the island. It is also noticeable that the figure for cruise ship tourists surpassed the island one from 2016 onwards.  
  
Starting from 1 million tourists, the number of Caribbean island's visitors grew gradually to approximately 2.8 in 2015, before remaining unchanged in the next year. Then, the figure increased dramatically to 3.5 million travellers in 2017.  
  
Traveller numbers staying on cruise ships first fluctuated in the range from 0.25 to 0.5 million between 2010 and 2013, and then saw a gradual rise to 2 million visitors in 2017, surpassing the number of tourists who stayed on island in 2016. Meanwhile, 0.75 million tourists decided to stay on the island in 2010 and 2011, with a subsequent growth to its peak of 1.5 in 2013. In 2015, the figure declined slightly to 1.25 million after two years of remaining stable, and then grew again to 1.5 in 2017.  
  
*
Okay. The most effective summary overviews are always written within 3 sentences covering the topic, high trend, low trend information from the graph. The summary presentation of the information is acceptable enoigh. However, the trending information is too much. Rather than just being a summary of the measurement graph, the writer opted to present a comparative discussion already. Something not done in these areas of the presentation.  
  
The writer was given one image to represent in the report. That means, the paragraph number should not exceed 3 covering the summary + trend, data analysis, and comparison presentations. This is the reason why I said that the trending overview was overkill. It went into areas of discussion meant to be in the other 2 paragraphs. There is a demarcation line for information in these presentation paragraphs. Every paragraph has a purpose.
## The negative perception of toward tourism

  
  
Recent years have witnessed the proliferation of global tourism in disparate parts of the world, yet many inhabitants contend that this industry can trigger some disadvantages to their nations. Some explanations for this phenomenon will be put forward before certain appropriate ways of dealing with it are suggested.  
  
The negative perception of indigenous people towards tourism could be ascribed to a number of reasons. A major cause is that the huge influx of foreign travelers is often associated with environmental issues. It is common to observe visitors throwing wrappers, cigarette butts and other rubbish in public areas without considering the permanent consequences of their actions. In addition, air contamination is inevitable, which stems from the growing demand for transport between tourist sites. Another contributor to the negative attitude of dwellers is the likelihood of spreading infectious diseases into the society. For example, in Thailand, recently, a couple traveling from Belgium is responsible for a large- scale community transmission of Covid-19, with positive cases increasing beyond the control of the government.  
  
Several solutions could be taken to cope with the situation described above. The most practical measure is to elaborate that international tourism would bring about enormous advantages for native people, therefore offsetting its remaining drawbacks. For instance, the authorities may levy taxation schemes on tourism- related services, and then spend this tax on public amenities or building a better welfare state. Another legal remedy is that there should be heavy restrictions imposed on those who pay their visit abroad. To illustrate, holidaymakers will be required to be fully vaccinated and carry out medical checks before commencing their adventure in the host country.  
  
In conclusion, international tourism receives criticism owing to its irreversible damage to the environment and residents' concern over widespread epidemics. This phenomenon can be addressed by making the locals directly benefit from global tourism and implementing stringent regulations on the entry of foreigners.  
  
P/s: I'd be very grateful if you guys could give me a band score for my essay. My teacher in class just gives us feedback on mistakes but not grading my assignment.  
  
Thank you very much.
The reason your teacher only gives feedback and not a grade or score for your writing is simple. The teacher does not want to mislead you into thinking that you are at a writing level of a particular band score when the examiner may assess you differently during the actual test. The best we can do as consultants is offer you potential scoring results based on the indivual sections. The idea is to present you with the clear reasons why you should focus on specific areas of development in your writing. Not to give you an idea of how you might score during the actual test. That service however, is done privately at this forum rather than in public to protect the student from public scrutiny. That is also the reason why we do not allow fellow students to publicly score other students. Fellow students do not have any actual training that will allow them to properly assess your work.  
  
The first problem with this essay is the word count. You must never write more than 300 words for the Task 2 essay because of the 40 minute writing limitation. Since you have to make sure that you have time to review, correct, and perfect the explanation you are presenting, you must never write more than this number of words. Additionally, longer essays tend to create forced errors on the part of the student. You will make more GRA, LR, and C&C errors because of the mistaken belief that longer essays will score better. It actually has the opposite effect. Longer essays could force a failing score that could have been avoided with a shorter piece.  
  
The next reason that this essay is in error is because of the missing thesis statement. Notice the direct questions being asked in the prompt? These are meant to direct the clear writing of your essay by forcing you to summarize a response to each question. Thereby creating topic sentences and writing guides for the 2 reasoning paragraphs. The essay actually does not meet the writing requirements in the TA section because of these missing responses. You also changed the topic from "bad thing for their country" to "disadvantages" which is an incorrect discussion basis. The wrong keyword synonym was used, causing a lowering of the LR score.  
  
There are even more problems with this essay that could be pointed out but I need to shorten my review at this point. All I can tell you is this, the paper you have written will not recieve a passing score. If you want a point by point review and possible scoring reference for this paper, then you will have to contact me privately for it.
@Holt  
Thank you so much for your evaluation, especially those related to word limit  
But I don't understand why I miss responded in reasoning paragraph, I think I did have the topic sentence: "The negative perception of indigenous people towards tourism could be ascribed to a number of reasons"  
  
Also I do not know what "TA section" refers to.  
  
Anyway, Pardon me if my expression is impolite. I'm quite bad at English <3