dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Jens, while you wrote 166 words for this essay, which is above the minimum requirement, that was not enough to gain you a final score higher than a 4 overall. That is because the information that you presented in the summary is incomplete. For starters, your overview summary did not represent all of the required points based on the pie chart segment titles. Those classifications were a necessary part of the summary. Then, you presented the pie chart information incorrectly in your body. Since there were 3 charts, there should have been 3 individual presentations for each pie chart prior to the overall comparisons that you presented. The individual chart presentations would have better delivered the measurements in expenses per chart, thus creating a more comprehensive summary report on your part. This essay is a good effort though. There is still room for improvement and I am sure I will see those improvements over time. Keep writing. You can only get better from here.
**Hi Jens**, welcome to Essay Forum. I wanna try offering a few suggestion for finalizing your writing.  
Firstly, if you wanna paraphrase the given statement, please don't miss from the meaning.  
  
the proportion of annual expenditure was changed in a UK school in 1981...  
*had changed*  
  
Following this, you should merge between the first and second paragraph becuase two elements are included in the introductory paragraph. After that, I really believe you can boost your score if you can make your overview better. You need to make it more attractive. For example,  
  
*Overall, it is important to note that the school had absolutely located the most budget for earnings of teachers, while the csot for insurance had obtained the smallest part of outlay.*  
  
On the other hand, you should keep in your mind that the good paragraph is supposed to include at least 3 sentences. There were many paragpraphs which did not meet the requirement. Turning to your paragraph, your tended to list the data although your job in writing task 1 is to compare figures, not to describe sepaarately.  
  
Hopefully, these suggestion can help you  
Practicing more and more is the way to master this skill.  
GOOD LUCK
Hi I am practicing on IELTS and I got this prompt:  
The prompt says: **the graph below shows the average number of UK commuters traveling each day by car, bus, or train between 1970 and 2030.**  
  
## English people traveling on roads in UK

  
  
The line graph illustrates amount of UK employee transporting every day by three different vehicles such as a car, bus and train from 1970 to 2030.  
It is clear that car is the most popular transportation over a period of 60 years. While the number of people who use car and train increase steadily, the number of bus users reduce dramatically.  
  
In 1970, the proportion of people using the car in the UK was about 5,5billion. The figures for train and bus were lower, at about 2 and 4billion. In 2000, whereas the number of commuters who used car and train showed an upsurge, the bus went down a lot. In 2011, the number of workers who used the train as same as the bus user and get over the next years. However, the estimate of the car still stood in the first position.  
  
By 2030, those people who are driving to work by car expected to reach 9 billion and the number of train user is around 5 billion. In contrast, buses are predicted to fall 3 million.  
  
*
To, you don't need to keep saying "Hi I am practicing on IELTS and I got this prompt:" That is already repetitive since you say it in every post. Just post the prompt in the box along with your essay. We already know that this is for IELTS Task 1. You even made a mistake in your title because you identified this as Task 2. Make sure to identify the right task so that we can assess based upon the correct criteria. Your opening statement does not properly deliver the summary overview of the important data and information that is presented in the line graph. If you had done it properly, you would have had the minimum 3 sentence requirement in your paragraph. The second paragraph cannot be composed of a single sentence either. All paragraphs need at least 3 sentences in order to be considered somewhat complete in presentation of information. Bear that in mind. That is a standard and mandatory prompt presentation style. Your presentation is too mechanical in nature. There is a lack of clear analysis of the line graph in the presentation of the information. This is evident because you did not present any additional information in the essay aside from the very obvious information presented in the graph. An analysis would have been proven by the inclusion of information that is not clearly seen, but can be found upon further inspection of the graph. Basically, the essay lacks a number of things that could have helped you to score higher in this task. Try to improve your analysis skills with your next test and also, develop a better style of writing your summary overview. I think your score for this test would be no higher than a 4 because of the aforementioned reasons.
Dear Mai Uyen,  
  
I dont think so Im capable on giving comment for something serious like this. But, I'll try, in perspective of common reader.  
  
***... different vehicles such as a car, bus and train ...***  
I dont think so, you should add such as here. How about "*three different vehicles (car, bus, and train)*."  
  
***It is clear that car is the most popular transportation over a period of 60 years. While the number ...***  
  
You ignore the tenses, Mai. Be careful. And you don't give number and years here. Its so confusing.  
  
***In 1970, the proportion of people using [...] of the car still stood in the first position.***  
  
I think this part is still halfbaked. How's about explain each vehicle, the trend, with the detail number one by one.  
  
***By 2030, those people who are driving to [...] buses are predicted to fall 3 million.***  
  
Again, the tenses.  
  
And then, there's been the opening and body, but there's no closing statement as the conslusion.  
  
Cheers,  
sehatdinati
You find below my example of a more properly developed overview summary statement. It includes an analysis of the information provided and offers an outline for the upcoming paragraph discussions.Please note that this is only an example of how I would write the overview summary. Others may approach the overview in a different way. Therefore, you have to develop your own overview writing style based upon my example and the example from others who might also offer you some suggestions regarding how to best write a summary overview.  
  
*The information provided in the line graph pertains to commuters in the UK. The graph indicates the amount of commuter use by the millions of travelers for various transport services. The specific transport services included in the graph are the car, bus, and train. The comparisons provided cover a yearly period starting from 1970 up to the 2000's, and includes a projection of commuters for the year 2020 up to the year 2030.*
**Nowadays food has become easier to prepare. Has this change improved the way people live?  
Give reasons for your answer using your own ideas and experience.**  
  
## doing appetizing meals quickly

  
  
Evolution of humans ideology has improved the standards of living and food habits. Preparation of delicious cuisine has become an easy process to humans due to their enduring consequent efforts. Eventually, communities of every country have adopted to the food habits based on the available sources and enhance the ways to cook food briskly.  
  
Recently, humans have invented enumerated tools like Gas, and Electric stoves, Microwave ovens, toasters and so forth. These are helpful to prepare delicious items in quick time. In addition, plenty of spices, ingredients are readily available over the market to use in the favourite dishes which adds the taste to it. On the other side, although you are not a chef, you have a plenty of guidance given via online videos through which you can easily learn food preparation. Alongside that, inherited food lessons learned from our elders and ancestors at home is the primary reason through which continued, easier and enhanced food habits attained.  
  
Every country has adopted to their food habits based on their available sources. Our ancestors have done enough research on food habits to have delicious, rich in nutrients and proteins. Humans are always fascinated and curious to try divergent feasibility to attain better quality food which has resulted to the effective lifestyle to humans.  
  
In conclusion, Human instincts and ideology has improved the standards of living and has become easier for the next generations to prepare food in easier ways.
Jaya, let's break down the problems with your essay. In terms of task accuracy, your score will only be a 3 because of a number of reasons.  
  
1. Your paraphrases thesis statement is confusing and does not really reflect the prompt topic and instructions.  
2. Your discussion does not answer the question; "Has this changed the way people live?"  
3. There are no traces of vague references to the actual prompt.  
  
Based upon these reasons, you failed to address the task because you did not understand what was required of you. Due to these problems, your cohesiveness and cohesion did not score higher than a 3 either. Needless to say, you also failed the lexical resource section because your errors changed the message of the prompt. While in terms of grammar range and accuracy, your grammar errors just had too much to do with the change in the message of the essay. Therefore, your final score for this essay can only be no higher than a 3 on this essay.
For example, when you said "humans have invented enumerated tools...", you created a confusing sentence because the correct development would have been "humans invented tools". I know that you listed the equipment in the sentence but saying enumerated in the sentence means to "list". The clarity of the sentence, in terms of meaning was affected. It became confusing. Another example, "Evolution of humans ideology" is wrong. Saying "The evolution of human life" is more proper. What exactly did you mean by " enduring consequent efforts,,," ? Consequent means to "follow as a result or effect." The meaning of this sentence causes stress for the reader because the point of discussion became confusing. There are a number of other notable errors in the essay but I think these examples will be sufficient for now.
Should write 200-300 words on the prompt:  
***"Age discrimination occurs when a decision is made on the basis of a person's age. In the workplace, these are most often decisions about being employed in the first place, winning promotions or being unfairly dismissed. Should discrimination against older workers be made illegal. "***  
  
Please help review my essay below, thank you :)  
  
## too old for this job or not?

  
  
Today, there are more and more age discrimination in the workpace, older workers are treated unfairly in a various ways. There are arguments about whether it is legal to discriminate older workers. As far as I am concerned, the country should set up law to make discrimination against older workers illegal. This essay will discuss about more details.  
  
It is usually true people may get sluggish when getting older. However, whether one is capable for a job depends more on his/her skill set, attitude and ability, rather than simply the one's age. For certain jobs, it is not required to be prompt physically, such as financial accounting and teacher.  
  
More over, older workers make great contribution to their company and are more experienced in their area. Firing older workers just because they are old is not wise. Experience is priceless, it can help the company to work better and can help new comers to grow rapidly. Lastly, age discrimination will cause negative effect on young workers, since they can forecast their unfair treatment in the future, they will lose passion on their job and become less dedicated.  
  
Taking considered measures, it is critial to establish laws to make age discrimination illegal in order to protect older workers, and promote competing fairly in workplace according to one's capability. By doing so it will help the older workers and encourage people to be more engaged in the work he/she is doing.
Ethan, your score for this essay will be a 0. You were asked to discuss if age discrimination should be illegal. Not whether a law should be passed to make it illegal. There is a big difference between the two topics and I am afraid you got it confused.When you are asked if the practice of age discrimination should be made illegal, you are being asked for an opinion pertaining to the creation of a law. That is different from asking you if a law regarding age discrimination should be passed. What you discussed were the reasons that a law should be passed against it. Not whether it should be made illegal or not. You basically discussed something related to the topic provided, but not the actual topic you were instructed to discuss. I know the topic instructions may have confused you for some reason. You have to know that these confusing questions are common place when testing the English comprehension skills of an individual. It shows that you can analyze the requirements of a discussion presented to you and that you can accomplish the discussion accurately based upon a proper understanding of the discussion. .
**Some people believe that global warming is the most pressing environmental problem which we have at the moment; others believe that deforestation has a more devastating impact on our world. To what extent you agree or disagree with the statement?**  
  
## Writing Task 2: Environment topic

  
  
Nowadays, many people are concerned about environment problems arising from global warming and deforestation. While global warming leads to severe impacts on our planet, I think that consequences of deforestation would be even more serious.  
  
On the one hand, our planet has been suffering from several impacts of global warming. Firstly, global average temperature were rising continually recent decades, and it sometime was recorded above 50 degree in summer in some big cities. Number of low-income people cannot survive under this heatwaves, and so with wild animals. For example, polar bears living in sea ice are tracked declining in number because they cannot adapt with extended hot summer. Secondly, global warming results in the ice smelting at the poles which then lead to several effects such as extreme floods and storms. The flowing of salt water into lands make them inhabitable for native species and unable to cultivate for human. Finally, many dangerous diseases spread rapidly under warm weather, and they will cause widespread devastation.  
  
On the other hand, I would argue that deforestation may be a more alarming problem. Forests have a critical role in absorbing greenhouse gases, which fuels global warming. In other words, removing the forests means that larger amount of carbon dioxins will enter the atmosphere and accelerate speed of global warming. Beside that forests are natural habitats for most species in the Earth, and they cannot survive if their homes are destroyed. Furthermore, deforestation also results in many problems such as air pollution, soil erosion and floods.  
  
In conclusion, while global warming causes a lot of damage to our planet, it seems to me that potential consequences of deforestation would be more significant.  
  
*278 words.*  
  
Please help me correct this essay.  
Thank you.
Rain, there is a bit of confusion regarding your prompt requirement. The statement sounds more like an opinion essay. Yet, it is asking you agree or disagree with a statement. However, the statement is not stating an opinion but rather the beginning of a question. Kindly double check the instructions and make sure that this is not an opinion essay. Now, regardless of the type of essay discussion you are actually trying to present, the fact remains that you did not offer an agreement or disagreement with the statement provided. You cannot say "I think..." when the essay asks you to respond with "I agree to an extent" or "I disagree to an extent". Your approach to the task is wrong. Which shows a lack of understanding of the prompt requirement. Which in turn, will result in a failure of your task accuracy score. I suggest that you review the prompt requirement, make sure that you are discussing the essay in the manner expected by the examiner, and then write the essay again. Right now, this essay will get a failed score. I'll give you a chance to rewrite this essay though because it looks like the prompt requirement you stated here is unclear or misrepresented.
@Holt  
This's my mistake. I write a discussion essay, but I copy a wrong requirement.  
Please check following essay and help me correct. Thanks  
  
**Some people believe that global warming is the most pressing environmental problem which we have at the moment; others believe that deforestation has a more devastating impact on our world.  
  
Discuss both sides and give your opinion.**  
  
Nowadays, many people are concerned about environment problems ...  
  
*278 words.*
Rain, you should have place a period instead of a comma at the end of the second sentence in the opening statement because that stated a fact that did not have a continuing idea. Only continuing ideas require a comma to be used in the same sentence to connect the two thoughts.  
  
Rather than saying "On the one hand" and "On the other hand", clearly state that you will be discussing the opinion being presented in the prompt. You have to be clear about that because your opinion is required to be presented as a separate paragraph instead of as a part of the two discussions. So some of the terms that you can use to indicate that you are discussing a prompt required topic is by saying, "The people who are of the opinion that...", "One of the thoughts regarding this situation is that...", then transition to the next required prompt by opening the next paragraph with "However, there are those who believe...", "Some believe that..." , "Others are of the opinion that...", "There is a contradictory thought that says..", just to show you a few examples of how to better respond to the required portion. After discussing the two opinions, you can then present your own opinion by saying "In my opinion..." , "I believe that...", "I support the idea that..." to show that you are owning your opinion and that the thoughts being presented are to be attributed to you.  
  
Your conclusion is insufficient. It does not present the summary of the preceding discussion, there is no representation of your opinion in the concluding sentence, which would have led to a stronger closing paragraph. The overall score for this essay could be no higher than a 5.
## Technology and traditional cultures

  
  
Nowadays, our life is very different from this life that our parents and grandparents used to live about 10 or 20 years ago.Many things were changed and the development of technology is the main reason for this change.It makes our life seem to be easier, faster and more effective.  
  
However, gain and loss are twin in life. A lot of traditional cultures have almost lost when people only focus on new things and forget about traditional cultures  
  
In Viet Nam, social life has changed rapidly since the day technology become a role play in life. People have more chance to interact with each other but it seems to be not real interaction. Hand-writing letters almost do not exist anymore, beside increasing of social media and online conversations. Some beautiful cultures were replaced by modern but stranger things.  
  
In my opinion, this is not the technology development's fault, neither do traditional cultures. It's our fault, the way we face to this problem. Technology and traditional cultures are not incompatible, the actually can live and grow up together. We need to realize what need to change and what need to respect. Saving traditional cultures is not only for our benefit but also for our children and the generation beyond.  
  
In fact, there are many great cultures were maintained and develop no matter what technology's affection. Such as family value in each Vietnamese's heart, filial love for parents and grandparents, a lot of traditional festivals still alive,...etc.  
  
On the other hand, technology can also help to save traditional cultures by their wide range of connection. We definitely can use the internet as a tool to appeal to other's approval, publishing to people in domestic and international.  
  
To sum up, technology and traditional cultures can exist and develop together or not, It depends on our point of view and the way we treat it
Van, you have to post the original prompt instructions for this essay so that I can give you more direct advice regarding the improvements to your essay. For now, the main problem that I can see is that you have divided the discussion into mini paragraphs instead of fully developed paragraphs. The paragraph presentation you have shows too much under developed ideas. You can't just present half discussed ideas in an essay. Each paragraph needs at least 3 sentences presented before it can be considered an almost fully developed idea. A completely developed idea takes 5 sentences maximum for the English tests. There is also the question of the validity of the discussion you present. That is something that can be better assessed once you share the full, cut and paste requirements for the discussion to be presented in this essay. I hope you can post that soon. One last thing, in academic writing, you cannot use casual formats such as the use of ellipses and the word "etc." That is simply not academic writing. Refrain from doing that with your future practice tests.
***Hello Van**, welcome to Essay Forum. I am pleased to tell you that you have been a useful medium for improving your written skill. Actually, you can get more feedback about your writing. However, you missed the primary step in this website. When you upload your writing, you are supposed to include the question or prompts about your writing. Reviewers cannot comment fully because they don't what you wanna achieve.  
  
Turning to your contents, you should paraphrase the given statement by using your own words. Its aim is to show a range of your vocabulary. In an IELTS test, this is renowned as the lexical resource. Following this, keep in your mind that the good paragraph has at least three sentences. It relates to coherence and cohesion of your writing.  
  
Apart from that, I suggest you should read and observe examples of academic writing or IELTS writing task 2 because you need understanding deeply about the good structure in writing an essay. We actually can simple this essay into 4 paragraphs. The first paragraph relates to the introduction of your essay. After that, the two next paragraph are known as body paragraphs to elucidate your view. A conclusion paragraph is presented in the last sentence.  
  
Hopefully, my suggestions can be considered for improvement of your writing. GOOD LUCK*