dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Lincoln, in terms of task response, you are more likely to get only 5.0. due to partially answer the prompt given. You are obliged to "discuss both views and GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION". Opinion should be clear since the very beginning part of your essay, particularly introduction paragraph. Also, the unfortunate absence of "Overall Progression" in this essay makes your band score in terms of 'Coherence and Cohesion' can only get 5.0. If two out of four criteria of your essay get only 5, it is nearly impossible to make the other two criteria become 6 or even 7. Mostly they go hand-in-hand and the margin is not that wide.  
  
For instance, this sentence "This essay will discuss two points of view regarding such issue." cannot be considered either an opinion or both views discussion because there is no clear ideas about what points of view that you are going to explain. Thus, it is better to add an opinion-sentence and rephrase them. Let me help you with that.  
  
*I would argue that both issues are crucial and inseparable. This essay will discuss, first, how company's professionalism can be seen through the outfits and second, how work performance is more significant than appearance.*
There are some rumors that to celebrate iPhone's ten years' anniversary, there are a drastic innovation in iPhone 7 in 2017. This is chance for the companies to increase the number of iPhone that will be sold. For the recent iPhone, that demand actually still peaked, but it not obstructs Apple to make continuous improvement, especially when iPhones has one decades' anniversary.  
  
In their long-term vision, iPhone will make whizbang splash that is proven by their materials of the body. It will be created by using block of glass and aluminum with few buttons, bumps, and holes. They also will take a step forward by adding OLED display that occupy most of the front of phone, even all of it by wrapping over its sides.  
  
Moreover, the screen will be curved with an edge-to-edge screen. Surprisingly, the fingerprint technology is also added in that screen, so both the design and the authentication really developed. Furthermore, their body will be made from glass that enable it to do wireless charging.  
  
So, with this kind of development, there are many rumors that mentioned this kind of developments are too much for iPhone 7, so it may for iPhone 8. As Kevin Krewel said, he suggested to apple for immediately launch the iPhone 8, to keep their position in the marketplaces
Hello,  
  
There are some rumors that (...) anniversary, there are a drastic innovation ...  
(It seems like bad repetition in one sentences. It should be better when you reduce one of them, then use a conjuction like 'which or that' )  
  
, but it (does) not obstruct~~s~~ Apple to make (...) when iPhones (you make it plural,so it should be 'have' ) ~~has~~ one decades' anniversary.  
  
much for iPhone 7, so it may (happen ) for iPhone 8  
  
Gluck^^~
Three threads in a row, I just hope that this is not considered as breaking the rule of this forum. However, I would still come up with my feedback anyways.  
  
- There **are some rumors**(is it really 'some'? the article is only about one rumor)~~that~~ to celebrate iPhone's ten years' anniversary. (stop here, new sentence)There~~are~~is a drastic innovation ~~in iPhone 7~~of iPhone franchise in 2017.  
  
- This is a chance for the ~~companies~~company to increase the number of iPhone sales~~that will be sold~~ .  
- ~~For the recent iPhone, that demand actually still peaked~~The latest iPhone demand is actually still at its peak , but it ~~not obstructs~~doesn't obstruct Apple to (...), especially ~~when iPhones has~~in iPhone~~one decades' anniversary~~a decade celebration/anniversary event .  
  
There are still quite a lot subject-verb agreement issues that need to be fixed in your essay. Try to proofread the rest of your summary by considering the above-mentioned feedback. I hope you will gain some improvements in the next "punishment practice". :)
In truth, All of owner pets prefer to explain their dogs's character.It is has became a custom there.But the issue of animals' capability is not one that has been formally studied all that much.Based on research that a species of bird into groups of more and not aggressive male,However they found that each type of individual quiet different of behavior in each of these situations.somehow they also found that the birds more likely to take risk also were the ones largely to be trapped.So,They raising important questions about the skewed sample set presented when researchers base their findings on animals caught in traps.
Vicky, where is the link to the article that you based this summary on? We need the link in order to compare your summary with the original. Otherwise, we cannot tell if you missed some information or misrepresented some information in your summary. At the moment, what I can tell you as of this moment is that your summary is really too short at 103 words. You should always aim for the minimum 150 words per essay. This will not only show a minimal ability to develop an English sentence structure, but will also allow you to carefully present some grammatical skills and vocabulary knowledge in the essay.  
  
The summary that you wrote does not contain any transition phrases or sentences, which makes the introduction of the various information sudden and seemingly disconnected from each other. It would seem that you just took note of some highlights from the report and typed it as it was presented. There is no development of the ideas that would have added to the information that the summary could have imparted to the reader.  
  
You have made a pretty good effort with this summary but I know that you could do better. I look forward to your succeeding essays which, I am sure will benefit from the notes I have given you above. I hope you remember to apply the changes in your upcoming essays. That is, if you have the chance to do so.
Hi Vicky,  
  
> it would be better if you put the article source, so that we can compare your summary. if you not put the source, it is hard for us to examine your essay.  
  
> i think your summary is not rephrase the sentence well, you do rephrase it, but the meaning of the sentence is becoming wrong. So, regardless the grammatical error, i will focus on fixing your sentence, so, here my correction for you  
  
1st sentence :  
In fact, the pets owners have a tendency to introduce their own dogs or cats' personalities. However, the study is not only about their personality, but also more than that. based on research (i don't whose research it is), the male birds had been grouped by their strong personality - aggressive and not aggressive.  
  
so, that is my correction for small part of your summary. I hope you can fix it again.  
you have a great effort, yet it would be better if you write it more carefully. the grammatical error is your predominant issue.  
Hope it will help. keep writing and Break a leg
Hellooo Vicky!  
Allow me to give you some suggestion through your summary.  
  
Look at mine below:  
In truth, a ll of owner pets prefer ...  
It has become a custom in this trend.  
However, the issue of animals' capability is not the one that has been ...  
A research stated that, a species of bird into ...  
At the same time they found that each type ...  
S omehow they also found ...  
They rise the important questions about ...  
  
All in all,  
1. You never mention something that can refer to "there", you may check it again.  
2. You have to consistent with your tenses.  
3. Avoid to use cordinating conjunction "FANBOYS" for starting a sentence.  
4. Honestly, you have to learn again about sentence structure, there are some missing in your summary.  
5. The most important is my corrections only about grammar, you should put the link, so we can make sure you do not mispresented.  
  
Hope it helps you :)
**The table below gives information about changes in modes of travel in England between 1985 and 2000.**  
  
A breakdown of altering of average distance each person per year in miles in types of travel in England from 1985 to 2000 is revealed in the table. Overall, it can be seen that in general, the distance of all modes of accommodation increased highly in 2000 and just three types (bicycle, walking and local bus) declined over 15-years period.  
  
To begin with, there were six types of travel that the distance solely rose in 2000. Firstly, taxi and other modes of travel had the same number of distance which increased at around 130 miles in 2000. Manual distance of "local distance bus" mode in 2000 was approximately two times higher than in 1985 at 124 miles. Besides, the greatest improvement was car, when in 1985 it was at 3,199 miles and in 2000 it recorded at 4,806 miles.  
  
On the other hand, there were three types of travel that dropped slightly in 2000. Firstly, the distance of walking and local bus was close behind at higher than 200 miles at 1985. After that, the distance of walking was a step decline of 15 miles and local bus fell extremely by 150 in 2000. Similarly, the distance of bicycle was 10 miles smaller in 2000 than in 1985.  
  
*   
*Question*
**Hi Miss Wily.  
I am gonna offer you a few corrections for your writing.**  
  
from 1985 to 2000  
*Avoid ambiguity. If you wrote that, readers will think that there were more than 2 times which will be explained. It is better on condition that you wrote "IN DIFFERENT TWO YEARS."*  
  
the distance of all modes of accommodation increased  
You stated that all modes increased. However, you mentioned again that there were 3 types declining.  
  
just three types (bicycle, walking and local bus) declined  
Those sentences were so contradictive. Do not do that because it can effect on your task achievement.  
  
*Honestly, I have found the sense of the overview in your introduction. It is not enough attractive to be the general trend. Besides that, you are supposed to transfer your data to the meaningful description. For example, CITIZENS SPENT MOST OF THEIR TRAVELS BY USING A CAR IN THAT TIME FRAME.*  
  
distance which increased at around 130 miles in 2000  
*I have not found the data which you meant. Be careful of the inaccurate data. It relates to the task achievement. If there is the clear data, you did not use the words "Around/ approximately etc). The table displays the accurate data. Pay attention to the data because the examiner will emphasize about the accuracy.*  
  
Besides, the greatest improvement was car  
*There were much meaningless information. Its reason is because you did not convert the information of data to circumstances which is easy to be understood.*  
  
*One of your problems is that you are rigid to describe the data. Make it easier to be read. Improve your flow with bringing to real meaning.  
  
keep writing  
GOOD LUCK*
A breakdown of altering of average distance .....  
  
*Hi Tika, this is my taught towards your essay.  
well, frankly, I would suggest that you should reduce any data in the introduction such as year or something like that. It is imperative that you should capture the overall information in the graph.*  
  
***A breakdown of the information regarding the alteration of annually distance dealt with person in different vehicles in two disparate year in England, measured in miles is depicted in the table. Overall, it is important to bear in mind that the distance of all fleet had an upward trend while the converse appeared to be true in the figure for bicycle, walking, and local bus.***  
  
A heap of luck :))
Aloha Willy, here are my thoughts;  
  
- **Overall, it can be seen that in general,** (this phrase is wasting words because of same meaning, so you can choose one. For instance,Overall, it can be seen that...orIn general,... )  
  
- [...] just three types (bicycle, walking and local bus) ~~declined over 15-years period~~(you'd better use present perfect for time signal "over")(15-year period // the period of 15 years)  
  
- [...] six types of travel ~~that~~whose the distance solely rose in 2000.  
  
overall, your presentation is adequate even you have to explain more detail about comparison. Also, you'd better keep your flow coherent and cohesion so that it can be convenient to follow. I hope it can be helpful and I am waiting for your feedback
**Many people believe that women make better parents than men and that is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as women at parenting.**  
  
Nowadays, the raising of children is one of the most essential skills, that every parent should acquire. According to many people, women are much better in taking care of childen than the men, while others argue that men's abillities in bringing up children are as good, if not better than the women's. In my opinion, the females are able to establish better conection with their children and tend to spend more time with them, that is why for me they are the better parents overall.  
  
We all know that the raising of children requires a lot of time and intense concentration. In contrast to the men, who are getting distracted way too easily, the women tend to focus better on their daily tasks and duties. Moreover, most of the females nowadays, have a lot of free time, which they usually devote to their children, something that cannot be sair about the males, who are always busy pursuing thair own goals and dreams. Furthermore, it seems like many women actually enjoy spending their leisure time playing or caring for their children, whereas the men find the time carying for their children like more of a chore than a pleasure.  
  
Children always need to feel like they are loved by their parents, just as they need a shoulder to cry on, when the plans, are not going in the intendet direction. For most of us, it is not a secret that, the children feel more comfortable and confident in their mather's presense. Whether, because they express  
  
their emotions better or due to the fact, they show more kindness and understanding to their kids, most of the kids will always favour their mothers. In addition to this, the time spend with their mother, is found to be more excithing and interesting for the majority of the children.  
  
The raising of children is a complex process and requires a lot of time and money, but at the end of the day is all worth it. I think that, even though the men should play an important role in this process, overall the women are better parents, because their love and mother's instincts are the most valuable thing for every child.
@krempetkov  
  
I do not see any flaws in your ideas, I'd suggest adding your position to your first paragraph just like you did on your last paragraph. I do see idiomatic and grammar mistakes.  
  
If your noun is plural, you don't need the word "the" before it.  
Commas have specific rules which you're not following at all so it all pauses in the wrong places. Look up the basic comma rules and check your essay. Some of them are:  
  
1. DON'T use commas in between independent clauses.  
2. Use a comma before a coordinating conjunction (for, and, but, yet, so)  
3. Use a comma between a dependent and an independent sentence if the dependent one comes first.  
4. use it to separate items in a list  
5. DON'T use it before or after prepositions  
You have a few spelling mistakes as well- presense- presence.  
  
These are a few observations. Check your writing and evaluate these comments.  
  
Keep practicing, there's no shortcut!
The number of inhabitants in India and China since 2000 and prediction of population growth in fifty years later are revealed in the graph. Overall, it can be seen that at the beginning, Indians were much fewer than Chinese totally, yet the number of both increased steadily until they will reach the same population in 2030. After this, the China's citizens will experience a decline, while the rate of people in any other country will go up sharply.  
  
In 2000, the figures of Indians were as not high as the total inhabitants in China. They stood at 1 and 1.2 billion respectively. Then, both of lines went up significantly of almost 0.2 billion. Further, even though the population in these countries increased continuously, a rise which was experienced by the number of China's people was smaller than population of India.  
  
Moreover, the inhabitants of these countries will have the same population in 2030. It will be represented at 1.45 billion. Afterwards, the number of Indian will incline, while the total of Chinese will decline. 1.6 billion people will stay in India, whereas China will have just under 1.4 billion citizens.  
  
*
prediction of population growth in fifty years later ... - this particular part sounds extremely strange. -- a forecast of the expected growh of the population for the next 50 years.  
  
They stood at 1 and 1.2 billion respectively. - Both figures stood at ..  
  
significantly of almost 0.2 billion - by almost....  
  
a rise which was experienced by the number of China's people ...  
--- the rose experienced by the China's figure was not as significant as the India's.  
  
Moreover, the inhabitants - delete Moreover  
  
It will be represented at 1.45 billion. - Both nations will be represented by 1,45 bilion residents.
**Many parents complain that computer games have no value to their children's studies. On the contracy, those online games have produced a lot of negative effects on their mental and physical development. What is your opinion?**  
  
Answer:  
  
It's argued that computer games are valueless and harmful to children's mental and physical development. This essay compeletly agrees with this opinion due to the bad effects these games bring to teenagers. The essay will show why it approves of the opinion.  
  
First of all, one of the most obvious damages is that these games are highly addictive. It is universal known that many teenagers usually sit in front of computer screen for many straight hours or even a whole day to play games. As a consequence, they spend less time doing excercises and thus many of them start having health problems. According to a recent report, the proportion of obesity among adolescents in some big cites in Vietnam is really high and the main factor responsible for it are eating too much sweet and lack of physical activities. Some others surveys even said that many young male boys had died as a result of playing too much games without intake.  
  
On the other hand, addiction to computer games is definitely damaging to children's mentality in various aspects. For one thing, spending more time in playing games means having less time for study. It is not surprised that those who are addicted to games always find it hard to meet the deadline of their school assignments. For another, it is too difficult for children to pay attention to their studies when their mind just concentrate to games. Furthermore, lots of obscene and vilolent scenses in computer games might bring them to commit criminal actions.  
  
In short, from the points mentioned above, it is fair to conclude that computer games are indeed valueless and detrimental to the development of young children. Therefore, schools as well as parents should be alert to the issue and find effective remedy to restrict chidren to access computer games.
John, for starters, your opening statement has a redundancy because you stated your opinion twice in the paragraph. You only need to state that once. What you should have done, was increase the amount of overview information that you presented after the paraphrasing of the prompt. Presenting a summary of the upcoming discussion would have helped to not only avoid redundancy, but also provided a better focus for the reader in terms of being able to follow your flow of thought and discussion.  
  
When you quote information your essay such as "according to recent reports", you need to be able to mention who mentioned, the information and why, along with where you got the information. Otherwise, it becomes hearsay and weakens the essay. Hearsay means that there is no actual source of the information so it should not be deemed as true and verified. It is best if you just keep the information in this type of essay limited to your personal experience or knowledge. That way your task accuracy score is not affected.  
  
Then we have the problem of you mentioning schools in the concluding statement of the essay. The schools were never part of the original prompt information and therefore, should not be included in any of your paragraphs. Add to that the fact that you should not have presented the resolution to the problem as your concluding statement.  
  
The resolution should have been another paragraph in the essay. Ideally, it should have been the 4th paragraph with the 5th paragraph representing the summation of the prompt, discussion, plan of action, and your opinion. Keep in mind that no new ideas can be presented in the conclusion as there is not enough room to continue developing the discussion if it becomes necessary to do so in order to close the essay.
hello, here is my advices to you:  
  
try to change these expressions :  
  
**For one thing** = First or firstly are more academic.  
  
**For another** = In addition to this... (more academic)  
  
please pay attention to punctuation, especially in your first and second paragraphs.  
  
I really like the way you finished your essay. Bravo!!  
  
you have a very good skills. please continue.
**Snowman Revenge**  
  
Mary was 10 yers old, he likes playing with snow, he makes the snowman in front of her house. In her village the snow only falls once or twice. While the snow falls mary makes snowman with her brother. They make snowman in the yard.  
  
The snowman's hand made of twig, eyes from stone and nose made of carrot. They are very proud with their snowman next to street. Many people are happy with their snowman.  
  
So around 5 P.M. their family go outside and look at their snowman. The family is happy and take foto with snowman. So Mary and her family gat in to house for dinner together. Suddanly they hear truck's sound in outside. Jim runs to outside directly. Jim knows this truck. It is scott's truck.  
  
Scott brikes mary's snowman by he truck. So mary cries, then jim makes again the snowman. Jim makes bigger snowman. Suddanly scott go to new snowman to brike again. But jim has made a trep. Scott get the trep and he truck broke.  
  
Jim laughes because he has secret. The snowman is built on hydrant.  
  
readitenglish
Iklasul, it seems to me that you did not even try to create an original summary for this story that you are presenting. You only changed some parts to include grammatical and sentence structure errors but you did not change enough for me, as a reviewer, to not realize that you plagiarized most of the content of your summary. This is not an original summary and the original article is linked to the work that you did to prove it.  
  
This summary would get a failing score in the actual test because you did not even try to apply some effort in properly summarizing the story. You have to at least try to write an original summary so that we can properly help you. It is better to present a bad, but original summary, then what you have presented here.
WELL DOWN, i am interest with your essay, but there are some errors in your spelling and you ought to read more to improve your spelling  
  
these are my correction,:Mary was 10 ~~yers~~ old( you ought to write years at that sentence,  
:The family is happy and take ~~foto~~ ( you should write photo )  
:. ~~Suddanly~~ scott go to new snowman to brike again(suddenly )  
  
that's all. thank you
Mary was 10 ~~yers~~years old, (...), he makes ~~the~~ snowman in front ...  
While the snow falls ~~mary~~Mary(the name of people) makes snowman ...  
  
Scott brikes ~~mary's~~ Mary's snowman by ~~he~~his(possessive pronoun of people "male" is "his") truck.  
  
So ~~mary~~Mary cries, then ~~jim~~Jim makes again the snowman.  
  
It is ~~scott's~~Scott's(the name of people must be written with capital letter) truck.