dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Thuy, this is a very interesting essay that readers can benefit from. The only drawback to the work that you did is that your vocabulary is faulty most of the time. I guess this is because of English being your second language. Don't worry though, you can still improve in that aspect. You can start improving your vocabulary by using the online grammar exams that are free to most users. These tests will help you learn the differences between the various tenses of words that are commonly used in TOEFL writing.  
  
On a personal level, you should also try to read English dictionaries, I do not mean the online ones. I mean the actual dictionary, no matter how thin or thick the pages may be. Why do I advice you to do that? One of the flaws of ESL writers is that there is a tendency to use a word out of context. Meaning you are using a word without actually knowing the meaning so it creates a faulty sentence when you use it in your test. By reading a dictionary, you will learn the correct meaning of words, how it is used in a sentence, and when or when not to use it in your written work. Through repetition, you will also remember the words that you are reading along with its correct spelling and word meaning which will help you create more grammatically and vocabulary accurate essays.
I am practising on ielt and i got this prompt:  
The prompt says: **In many countries, sports and exercise classes are replaced with the academic subjects. Discuss the effect of this trend**  
  
## sports and exercises train character and life skills

  
  
The past few years have witnessed a dramatic increase in proportion of subjects. In many countries ,Some people think that students should extend their understanding beyond the boundaries of sports and exercise classes which are replaced with academic subjects .Based on my experiences and observation, as far as I concerned that this thought is not completely justifiable.  
  
Firstly, sports and exercise classes are the good method to train character and life skills. Needless to say, sports have taught us how important cooperation is. For example, when ones play football, not only are ones talent, but also ones need how to combine with anyone else, because the more competitive ones are, the more lower score ones get. Ones need cooperation to build plans and formation. If someone on the team does not associate with each other, that team will lose. Not only do sports need it, but also one's life, one'swork and community even need it to exist. Moreover, sports and exercise classes built good health and flexibility. Nowadays, when advanced technology which are encouraging a lot of benefits have been invented , so ones are too lazy to do exercise .Consequently , Ones have to suffer from so many diseases such as diaries , cancers , obesity , ... we need to do exercise to prevent those things from our health.  
  
Although, sports and exercise classes are really beneficial and healthy, we should not spend all our time devoting for them. Ones have to learn academics subjects such as science to solve unresolved problems. For example, if ones want to know where diseases come from or how to find the solutions to whatever drawbacks, ones need to have knowledge from academic subjects ones have learnt. By using those knowledge, ones find out what we ones have to do.  
  
To conclude, we have to separate our time for muscular class and academic subjects logically. Instead of spending all time studying, and one should spend a little time to exercise and the opposite
Hi! I think the base of your text is really good, but maybe you need to explain a little further your arguments. For example, when you say l*ife skills*, you could explain what is the meaning behind that. I know you mention it later in a sentence, but maybe try to give examples.  
  
*Nowadays, when advanced technology (...), so ones are too lazy to do exercise.*  
In this sentence, I understand what you're trying to say, but I think you could rewrite it to make it a little bit clearer. Try to be more precise when you write *lot of benefits*.  
  
*... suffer from so many diseases such as diaries , cancers ...*  
I think you meant diarrhea;)  
  
In your last paragraph, you could try to develop more about why we need to find a balance between having a healthy/active lifestyle and one that's only focused on school, because that's what you seem to defend. But in your last paragraph, you seem to say that we shouldn't devote all of our time doing sports. Only from what I'm reading of the prompt, they only suggest not to suppress all phys ed classes, not to replace all academic classes by sports one. I don't know if what I'm saying makes sense, but to me, your defending a point that was never in the prompt.  
  
Overall, I think you did a really good job, but just make some changes and it'll be a great essay!
To, the essay needs to have a better presentation on your part. You have 2 possible topics for discussion squished into a single paragraph when the expectation of the reader, would have been for you to separate the topics in order to create a clearer and more cohesive / coherent discussion of the essay. There should have been one paragraph for the lesson about sportsmanship and cooperation and then another for the health issue, specifically obesity.  
  
By the way, do not use special characters such as ellipses in your writing. This is a formal, academic essay so the sentences need to be free of clutter and filler punctuation marks. You also need to double check your capitalization, you have the word "Consequently" in capital, then a comma, then another capital letter. However, the capital letter does not represent a noun therefore, it should have been written totally in lower case letters.  
  
I would score this essay no higher than a 4 or 5 overall.
I want an essay to reviewed for my ielts exam. Need a band above 8  
  
Here is my topic  
  
**Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.  
  
Discuss bother these vies and give your own opinion.**  
  
## Who should teach children how to behave properly?

  
  
There is a rising problem in the society about influencing good behaviour on children and many working parents believe that young minds should be tough by school whereas rest say guardian have to teach values, ethics and manners. In my view, I would have to agree with the fact that parents must teach their children about being good members in the community.  
  
First of all, from toddler stage parents are with their kids all the time and because of that some people tend to see children tries to copy their parents' behaviour, communication & habits. Some of these are very noticeable, for example, having a pleasant smile and helping people could go a long way. There are times kind words could do the trick such as 'have a nice day', 'god bless you'. As a result, it would indirectly impact on kids to have a good behaviour.  
  
While being good some people are trying to go dark side. Tolerance & selfless must be important to live in the community. Generally school system teaches how to be competitive. Furthermore, this system actually could brainwash and turn kids to be selfish. Even though schools are trying to provide a competition, parents must not provide the same environment for their children. Instead, parents should teach taking things slow and winning is not everything. Therefore, kids actually learn to work together and build robust foundation for every one rather than working for their own cause.  
  
On the other hand, it's understandable that both parents have to work because of sky high living cost. Everybody wants to provide the best for their kids and because of that parents actually have lack of time to spend with their family. For them, the option would be the school system. For example, a single mother might have to couple of jobs to raise her two kids. Therefore, these single parents have to turn their cheek and rely on school system.  
  
In conclusion, values, ethics & manners have to be taught by parents to raise a good children to a good & valuable member in the society. For others, they have to hope for the best that school system would not fail them.
@gayan1991 I liked the way you have ordered and structured your essay. I am able to figure out the main ideas. I would wait for the structure and thought process reviews by more experienced people. I noticed there are some grammatical errors, or some sentences are not very clear.  
  
While being good some people are trying to go dark side. -> This sentence is not able to convey the meaning, I am not sure what does 'Trying to go dark side' means.  
  
... parents to raise a good children to a good & ... > 'A good children' is not correct.  
  
Apart from this, can you please help me with the following expression:  
Therefore, these single parents have to turn their cheek and rely on school system. -> 'turn their cheek ' Will you be able to tell the meaning? I couldn't find it in Google.
Nadeesha, my opinion is that your score for this essay would be around a 3. I know, it is an extremely low score but please, allow me to explain why from the point of view of an examiner, I decided that you would not get an overall score higher than this number. While you did a good job of explaining the prompt requirement to the reader, your discussion did not properly expand on the given topic. In fact, you accidentally changed the prompt discussion within your essay when it came to the discussion of the role of the school in teaching children how to be good members of society. By the way, you used the word "though" when you were supposed to say "taught" in the paragraph. Be conscious of your word usage, the wrong term used in the wrong context will drag down your individual lexical resource score.  
  
Your second paragraph that dealt with how the parents taught children good manners and right conduct was right on the dot. It was informative, used proper examples, and had an enlightened conviction in the way that you presented the discussion from that point of view. I have no faults to point out in that paragraph.  
  
The third paragraph does not discuss how schools and educators can help students becomes good members of society. You speak of a dark side regarding competition. That is a prompt deviation. Competition in schools does not relate to a dark side as competition is taught to the children as a trait that will help them succeed in the future. There is nothing negative about competition being taught in school. More importantly, schools often grade students in GMRC which stands for Good Manners and Right Conduct. Therefore, schools also teach the child to become a good member of society usually through social studies classes. So your discussion in that paragraph is flawed. That is the main reason why I believe that you cannot score higher than a 3 in this particular test. There were lexical problems, grammar and sentence structure issues, and shortcomings in your task accuracy that affected my decision.
**Parents are the best teachers. Agree or Disagree?**  
  
## Parents are: too busy, too impatient, and are not experts in teaching

  
  
In my opinion, I disagree with the statement that the parents are the best teachers. There are three reasons for this. Firstly, most parents are busy with their work, secondly, usually they do not have a proper knowledge and methodology to convey the information to the children, and lastly they are impatient.  
  
To begin, I think that the parents are not the best teachers at all. Probably, we can find some parents who handle with children easily. Most of them are parents with educational background and have enough time spend with their kids - freelancers, house women. As a matter of fact, the most parents are always lack of time, because they strive to handle their daily workload. They do not even have a enough time to spend with their kids. This kind of parents substitutes their duties by others - babysitters. For example, my parents were military officers, and they had no time to deal with us throughout the weekdays. I had to wait for them until midnight. Therefore I think that they were no the best teachers at all.  
  
Furthermore, in most cases, parents experience difficulties in dealing with their children, especially in preparing or doing homework. They usually do not have adequate knowledge, expertise and methodology to handle with the kids. For instance, I have three children. Two of them are boys. Elder one is eight-years-old - in a third grade know. Next one is five-year-old. He is an in a kindergarten. Honestly, I always experience difficulty when I help to do their homework, because of the shortage of proper methodology in hand. To overcome these difficulties I usually have to consult with their teachers to solve the task.  
  
Moreover, parents are not the best teachers because they are impatient when dealing with their children. In fact, children learn gradually, and it takes time. Also, early learners are not able to study for a long time. Some parents do not understand to be a patient when dealing with the kids and began to scold. Impatience will lead to disappointment and frustration by early learners. Sometimes it discourages children.  
  
In conclusion, I would say that the parents are not always the best teachers because they have no time, they lack methodology, and they are impatient.
Ochir, I don't know if you were told this when you joined the forum or not but, it is always best that you present the original prompt requirement at the top of your response essay. That is so that we can have an accurate point of referral in terms of considering the content of your essay and its overall presentation. Right now, I cannot decide whether you have approached the prompt in the proper manner or not. Kindly provide the information I need as soon as you can so that I can better assess your responsiveness to the required prompt elements. In the meantime, I am going to offer you a general review of your essay.  
  
Overall, your line of reasoning is sound. Even though there are certain grammatical errors in the sentence structure, your coherence was not affected and you still managed to provide a logical sense of discussion within the written work. There is no faulting your line of reasoning, provided you have adhered to the proper prompt instructions. If you complied with the instructions perfectly, I do not see why you would not something higher than just a mere passing score for this essay. Good work.
I am practising on ielts and i got this prompt  
The prompt says: **Some people say that the internet is making the world smaller by bringing people together . To what extend do you agree that internet is making it easier for people to communicate with another ?**  
  
## Internet and communication

  
  
The past 10 years , Advanced technology has become popular including internet , which is making our communication much easier and bringing people together. The rationale of this thought is less clear and dependent on individual opinions and attitudes. While they are valid arguments to the contrary, I think Internet has helped us have better communication . However, the benefits should be seen in light of few substantial drawbacks.  
  
To begin with , Internet has definitely made our communication become easier. Internet have so many ways to communicate and chat without regarding spaciousness. Nowadays , so many technologically communicative apps have been invented such as Facebook , Twitter, Skype, etc... They are really helpful, convenient and chip . All ones need to do is make a call by using those apps, and then we can communicate and see everyone all over the world on our devices. We do not need to worry how much it costs like telephones. Needless to say, Increasing the access to fastest information. The past few decades, when Internet has not been invented yet, if we had wanted to express our feeling or information to the ones who lived different places or countries , we would have had to write letters and send it by Mail and Parcel service or doves . Sending those letters and waiting for the response. Nothing guaranteed that it would be right away received by the recipients or maybe be lost. To use technologically communicative apps is one of the rapid ways to send and received the responses  
  
However , if we do not know how to use it usefully , we will destroy those benefits by ourselves . Living in illusion is a obvious way. Ones make a mistake by regarding those apps so much and forgot caring themselves, their families and people around them .Consequently , they will be controlled by those apps which Not only do affect their health , but also bring ones far away from realistic life and a lot of serious effects.  
  
In conclusion ,I think that Internet is successful way to communicate and bring people together ,even few issues need to be solved by ourselves. Not only for communication , but also a lot features such as getting information , business, and transaction , etc....
Maito, the essay that you wrote has a major problem in terms of lexical resource and grammar range / accuracy. It would be best that you use a dictionary before you use a term in your essay. If you know the spelling, look up the meaning of the word first. That is because you have a tendency to use the wrong word even though the meaning of your sentence is clear to the reader. Grammar accuracy and the use of the correct term is of the utmost importance in scoring your essay properly. The major mistake that I saw in this paper was the use of the word "chip" when what you meant to say was "cheap". A "chip" is "a small piece of something removed in the course of chopping, cutting, or breaking something, especially a hard material such as wood or stone." While "cheap" means "at or for a low price." You meant the latter. So you can see how your essay would score low in terms of lexical resource and grammar accuracy. With regards to your sentence formation, please remember that this is an academic essay and as such should not contain ellipses (...) nor the word "etc." as those are more geared towards informal writing. Your overall score in this essay could be a 5 in my opinion.
Hi,  
let me try to help you in writing :)  
  
~~~ you can use recent decades rather than The past 10 years. it is more academic .  
  
~~~it is always better start any paragraph with a simple sentence, then use complex one.  
  
~~~use always the internet like the theatre  
  
~~~find some sentence too long that is not reader friendly  
  
~~~try to write conclusion at least three sentence.  
  
keep writing .....best of luck .
## billions in a pocket

  
  
Although I am not a poor student it is probably impossible that I could become billionaire however let's find out what would I do and where would I invest all the money. Does not matter how would I get the amount of money...  
  
I´m extremely interested in confectionary, therefore it could be my first choice. On the other hand we ought to be generous and gracious thus I would look for other ways how to spend the proper amount of money.  
  
Honestly in our country are overmuch number of schools and hospitals, which need aid. I think it is right to provide humanitarian aid for people in need. Accordingly I would support schools and hospitals which are at least appreciated.  
  
Secondly, I would like to provide food, permanent shelters and clothes for the poor. I am aware of not being able to grant all the poor nevertheless I could help some of them.  
  
Thirdly, it is necessary to improve the quality of jobs and ensure better working conditions. And also I would like to boost opportunities for young people such as courses and lectures at no costs.  
  
Finally, it would be useful to improve the synergy between civil and defence space programmes...  
Being billionaire is not matter of option. You must be firm and strong because of people who become your friends due to your cash on your wallet.
Krystof, are you writing this essay as part of your English writing classes? The topic is unique and not academic in nature so I am guessing that this is not for a college application. Or is it? Please correct me if I am wrong. You have written very good foundation sentences for your paragraphs. What you have to do is make the paragraphs better developed by further developing the ideas you presented. For example, when you talk of the need for hospitals in your country, tell the reader what kind of hospitals these will be. Will it be community hospitals subsidized in funding by your money and the government? Or will it be a charity medical center fully funded by your foundation? Speaking of foundations, you do know that billionaires spend their money by giving money to charity through their foundations right? So I think you should first establish that as a billionaire, you will first start a foundation for general needs in your country. That way you will be able to properly spend the money that you wish to donate to the causes and advocacy that mention in your essay.  
  
Like I said, you have good topics for discussion. The problem that your essay faces is that you do not discuss how you will disseminate your funds and what the additional objectives of your foundation will be. As a billionaire, you cannot just write a check to give away your money, you still need to account for the expenses that the charities you support receive via the foundation.
@Varlamow  
I think your essay lacks details... As pointed by Holt, it would be better if you focus on giving examples and minor details. For instance, about "improve the quality of jobs and ensure better working conditions", you can say what kind of jobs you want to improve and how. you can say you would improve the industrial workers situation by providing them free health masks or safety goggles. You also said you would like to provide food, permanent shelters and clothes for the poor, but I'd rather you be more specific about poor you are speaking about. For example, you can say there is a homeless community few yards from your home with certain number of people, and what you will do.
Dears  
Your essay has some gramarical problems . For examle, let's find out what would I do and where would I invest all the money. Does not matter how would I get the amount of money...you should use let's find out what I would do and where I would invest all the money. Does not matter how would I get the amount of money....Using comma after adverb .The content in this essay is really not good . You just gave us some examples but you need to explain the details on that one.For Example , you said you would improve the job, what kind of jos you want to improve , how and when . or you say you would be a bilionary , how can you do that , what group of company you want to invested .