dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## passionate about fashion and art

  
  
Gathered many young people from all over the world who are passionate about fashion and art as well as much senior staff who have long been deep to create this dream boulevard together in the New York Fashion Ave. And from Taiwan, Paris to the New York fashion world, the model Yi Hua who lived here for eight years is one of these people. High prices and social media have fashion industry complicated in New York, Yi Hua must catch the opportunity to stabilize the economic foundation and calmly deal with the changes in the industry, and to show talent, cherish the luck, she has exquisite and unique angle to sincerely see the world and often for the observed human things by the pictures and words. The world is not fair, no matter whether New York visitors or anything, I also agree with the Yi Hua said to learn to face bravely and calmly. From the interview, I saw a woman experienced, tenacity and bravery, I think that women exude unique perseverance, very attractive! I hope I will stronger like her.  
  
May you please help me to comment my reading reflections?  
your assistance would be greatly appreciated!
Jeannie, can you provide us with a copy of the article that you read so that I can have a better idea as to what you are trying to present in this comment? Your reading reflection is confusing and not really understandable to the person reading your comments. You have mistakes in your capitalization as you cannot start a sentence with the word "And". You also used a series of commas to separate the sentences instead of periods which would have made the essay easier to read and also, offer a pause for the reader to analyze and understand what you are saying in the sentence. I really cannot understand the point of your comments and how it ties in with the article. You could have used a few quotes from the original article in order to illustrate or better explain what you are trying to impart to the reader. This is not a very well written essay. If I can read the original article, I might be able to come back and advise you regarding the proper structure and content of your response.
Jeannie, one of the best ways that you can improve your English writing skills is by translating what you read from English to Chinese. This will help you to familiarize yourself with the English version of the words in your native tongue. It will be easier to help you remember the meaning of the English word if you can understand what the Chinese equivalent / meaning is. This should result in a smoother English writing for you in the future. You may use Google Translate for the purposes of comparison between your work and the original Chinese article. I understand that people will say that Translate is not very accurate and in certain instances, for specific colloquialisms and translations of proper nouns such as names, it could be inaccurate, but it gives the English learner a better start at familiarizing yourself with the language. It certainly did a better job of translating the first paragraph of the article than you did in explaining it to the reader. So it can help you at least lay out a foundation for English writing. Now, I assume that you are taking English classes right? If possible have your teacher or your classmates read your work and ask them to give you their opinion of the translation regarding word accuracy. Or, you can post your essay here for review. I'd be glad to help you out. That is what your focus should be on at the moment. Try to write just simple, short English sentences using basic English words / grammar. Don't try to write complicated sentences yet. You are not prepared for that and the result is always going to be the same or worse than the essay that you wrote above. Make sure you just use enough words in English to make yourself understood in a sentence. You are not ready for the intermediate or complex set-up yet.
This is my IELTS task 1 essay and any comments would be appreciated.  
  
**TASK 1: BAR GRAPH**: *The chart shows the percentage of male and female teachers in six different types of educational setting in the UK in 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.*  
  
## proportion of men and women at uk school

  
  
The provided bar graph gives data on the percentage of male and female teachers in six different stages in the UK education system in 2010. As can be seen from the graph, school level observes a huge gender gap in numbers of teachers; however, higher education institutes are more equal in teacher presence.  
  
Female teachers were dominant in pre-school, primary and secondary school. They made up a particularly large portion of more than 90% in pre-school and primary school, while male teachers comprised only 4% and 8% respectively. The figure for secondary school slightly dropped to 54%, compared to 46% of male teachers.  
  
Men and women were more equally represented in higher education level. In college, there were as many male teachers as female counterparts. Around 54% of teachers in private training institute were male, which exceeded 46% of female teachers. Males even outnumbered their female peers in university, where they took up 70% in teacher presence.  
  
P/s: I'm sorry that I couldn't upload image because the site kept telling that my image is too large (1.08 MB) or wrong file type ( I tried .jpg, .jpeg or .png)
Pham , You should have made a smaller file size for the image upload. You cannot expect to get an accurate review and comments about your essay content at the moment because of the lack of image. The most you will get out of me is a general review of the work that you have done which, based on your word count, is not sufficient enough to gain a passing score. You wrote only 157 words. You have to write at least 200 words in order to be considered for a higher level of scoring band.  
  
In the first paragraph, an enumeration of the 6 different stages was required as part of the overview of the data you will be presenting. You left the reader in the dark because you did not tell the reader what to expect in your analysis. There is a lack of discussion instruction representation in the statement. That should have been presented before the trending statement.  
  
Due to the missing illustration, I cannot tell if you developed a sufficient analysis of the given information. Your statements feel short and abrupt. It is more than likely also that, due to the short analysis you made, your essay is not delivering all of the required information as per the discussion instruction.  
  
Please do your best to upload the image with your next practice essay so that I can offer you better guidance and a more comprehensive review for your work.
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.  
  
Write about the following topic:  
  
*In many countries, very few young people read newspapers or follow the news on TV. What do you think are the causes of this?  
What solutions can you suggest?  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  
Write at least 250 words.*  
  
## Internet impact on traditional media

  
  
It appears that young people nowadays are not so interested in reading newspapers or following the news on television due to many reasons. The introduction of Internet is one of the major contributor to this phenomena and our education system is the second one. I believe that by limiting the use of Internet and by reducing the amount of readings required by our education system, more and more young people will start reading newspapers and watch news on TV.  
  
The advent of Internet has allowed many individuals to access any materials that one can think of for free, including those on newspapers, making people feel that there are no proper reasons to buy and read newspapers. Not to mention that one can always read any information online at any time, at any place while if one wants to read newspapers, one will have to buy it and carry it with him which can be quite inconvenient compared to simply using the Internet to read news. For example, if a certain person is in a hurry to go to work and he wants to read some news on the newspapers or watch them on TV on the way to work, he can always use laptop or any other electronic devices to satisfy those needs online.  
  
As for our education system, it has become much more challenging than ever before. Some students find it necessary to even go to cram schools and sleep less than 6 hours per day to pass their tests. Most of the time, this is due to the fact that young people are required to read a plethora amount of materials. To aggravate this, books are written sometimes in a lengthy way even when it can be much more concise. All these factors, really demotivate young people to read newspapers or watch news on TV as they are exhausted already from studying. For instance, in Korea, some students even attempted to commit suicide because of the upcoming exams.  
  
Based on the above analysis which indicates the increasing use of Internet and reading materials, young people should be stopped from utilizing the Internet and from studying excessively to encourage them to read newspapers and follow the news on TV.  
  
Getting an 8 is my goal.
Peter, This is a pretty good essay, even though your opening paraphrase is not proper. The opening paraphrase is to be used to only prove that you understood the instructions given for the discussion for the essay. All you have to do is explain, in your own words, what the topic for discussion is, the purpose of the discussion, and how it is to be discussed. Here is a sample prompt for this essay:  
  
*There has been a decline in the interest of young adults in perusing newspapers or watching nightly news on television. There are a number of reasons that this has been happening. In this essay, I will discuss the causes of this situation and offer a viable solution or two in order to address the issue. The solutions proposed will be based on my personal knowledge and observations.*  
  
An insightful review of the way that I arranged the paraphrase will show you that I managed to say thing as the original prompt, but in a totally different manner. This type of presentation will garner an above average to perfect Task Accuracy score. Once you score well in the TA section, the rest of the scoring will follow on a similar scale.  
  
One of the problems that you have in your essay is that you tend to write overly long sentences which turn into run-on presentations. It would be better to write a moderate length sentence instead. With 5 sentences per paragraph, you need to be able to make sure that you highlight your grammar skills in terms if sentence development, aside from creating coherent and cohesive paragraphs. The proper format, per paragraph is similar to this:  
  
1. Topic sentence  
2. Reason 1  
3. Explanation  
4. Example  
5. Transition sentence  
  
Proceed to use the same format for the 3 body paragraphs and you will find that your essay will pass the required criteria at a higher level. You really need a transition sentence between your paragraphs in order to prepare the reader for the change in the upcoming paragraph topic. That creates a more cohesive presentation of your discussion throughout the essay. This was specially necessary to connect paragraph 2 to paragraph 3. When you just hit the reader with a change in topic, you create undue stress on the reader and that will lower your score in the GRA and C&C sections.  
  
Your concluding paragraph is inappropriate in format. Remember, the rule of thumb for a higher score is each paragraph should be 3-5 sentences long. That is the best way to increase your chances of hitting a higher band score. This overall essay though, in my opinion, would probably score a 6 at the most.
Nguyen, please remember to post the complete original prompt next time and not just the topic for discussion. I need to know what the instructions for the discussion is so that I can create a proper assessment of your essay. At the moment though, even without the original prompt, I can tell you that this is a highly problematic essay that would not get a passing score as an actual test essay.  
  
The first problem is with your opening statement. You did not deliver a simple paraphrase of the original prompt and instructions. Unfortunately, I cannot show you a proper example of this prompt since you did not upload all of the requirements I require for that part of the review. By the way, you are not supposed to separate your opinion from the paraphrase statement. You also should not deliver a partial discussion of the prompt in that area either. A simple implied opinion is all that is required.  
  
You over discussed the body of paragraphs. There are only supposed to be a maximum of 5 sentences in each paragraph. Believe me, with the time allotted and the review, editing, and finalizing of the content that needs to be done, the 5 sentence maximum is more than sufficient for the reasoning and example portion of the essay.  
  
Your concluding sentence is also wrong. Rather than summarizing the previous discussion as required by the format, you continued the discussion then just stopped talking. That is not how you write a proper conclusion.  
  
If you want to learn how to properly write a Task 2 essay, I recommend that you review the other practice essays of the other exam takers here. They have previously been given advice that you might find useful as you continue to practice Task 2 essay writing prompts.
There are few sentence construction which I would like to recommend:  
  
1st paragraph:  
In a naturally way, ... that ~~between~~  women ... relate ~~with~~  **to** many social ...  
  
Although we are in **the** 21st century and the ~~differents~~  differences are ...  
In my opinion **,** ~~I think~~ the exception ...and society ~~aslo~~  also about physique.....  
  
2nd paragraph:  
Normally, they are born~~ed~~ in order to believed that they ...  
Hence **,** in a few ...  
... women's duty ~~are~~  is tied with ...  
Most of **the** family, ... who look**s** after them ... person who go**es** out ...  
  
3rd paragraph:-  
... women's character ~~are~~  is too ...  
... be easy **to** make and ...  
Therefore **,** their thinking ~~are~~  is simpler than men **,** but ...  
Their attitude come**s** from mood ...  
... situations are good **,** but in a lot of work~~s~~ are not ...
*Merged:* ## gender inequality in work - essay task 2

  
  
Naturally, people are believed that women and men have always been differences in the kinds of work they have done. Although nowaday we are in the 21st century, people are living a great freedom both men and women are chosen employment freely. But in my view, it is already necessary elimination about gender problem in a few professional careers, especially exclusion of women in some occupations.  
  
Frist of all, women are apparently considered ...  
  
The second reason is women's character exist weeknesses that's why it is not appropriate to be able to give accurate decisions on serious problems. Most of women are honest and gentle person, have a heart full of love and too soft-hearted so that they are not tough enough to easy perform and accomplish vital decisions. On the other hand, their actions mostly depend on emotion that's momentary and easy to change therefore instead of using the head to think and analyze the problem as men, women are frequently dominated by emotion of the heart. Whereas there are a few certain professions demand high discipline, strict rules, assertiveness, etc..women are too sensitive and effortless to forgive others what in life situations are good but in work are not effective and can lead to bad consequences. Obviously in the US presidential ...  
  
The issues of the gender equality is being considered and gradually improved, the women's role is increasingly appreciated but in order to ensure quality as well as efficiency in work, gender exclusion is absolutely indispensable from some professions.  
  
i have read all comments carefully then i have decided to adjust my first essay. I know my essay still contains a lot of mistakes, therefore i really expect the frank opinions from everybody so much. Thanks by all of my gratitude !!
## Stress is a serious problem

  
  
Title: *In some societies, stress is now regarded as a major problem, and it is thought that people suffer from more stress than they this in the past. However, others feel that the amount of stress people have today is exaggerated. They say that previous generations were under more pressure, the idea of suffering from stress did not exist. Discuss both these views and give your opinions.*  
  
Nowadays, stress is a serious problem that is spreading in many societies. While some people believe that there is a lot of pressure than in the past, others argue that in the past the life was stressful but the people accepted it. I completely support the latter argument.  
  
All ages even young people have stress in their lives. For instance, the employers give their employees many tasks and difficult targets to be achieved in a short time.Therefore the employees work under pressure for a long time every day or they could lose their jobs. Also, the teenagers suffer from stress too.For example, the market is very competitive, so the teenagers should get high scores in their studies and took several courses.  
  
In the past, the life was so difficult for people as there were no facilities that present today. For example, in their homes, they didn't have all the equipment that people take for granted now such as fridges, microwaves, oven, and washing machines..etc. Also, in factories, there were no machines and most of their jobs were done manually.Moreover, there was a deficiency in the medications so the patients suffered and the mortality rate was high.  
  
In conclusion, people today suffer from pressures different from that present in the past. In the past, people didn't complain from stress and accept their life, however, in recent years the people talk about it.
Manar, this is not a single opinion essay. This is a comparative essay with a personal opinion discussion. So your approach to the discussion is wrong and will affect your final score. Due to your inability to properly discuss the prompt as required, your TA score will only be a 2. That means, that even with the proper consideration and improved scoring for the remaining 3 criteria, you will still not pass the test. The English comprehension section that the TA scores is approximately 50% of the overall score. Fail that and you will most likely not get a passing score no matter how hard you try. The reason is simple, you proved that you do not have the proper English understanding skills with which to be judged as a possible student candidate in the country. Here is where the mistake happened that affected your score:  
  
*Original Instruction: Discuss both these views and give your opinions.  
Your response: I completely support the latter argument.*  
  
The reasons for the failing score should be more than evident to you based on the above presentation. Your total essay discussed only your point of view instead of both points of view prior to your own opinion. There should have been 3 body paragraphs here composed of :  
  
*Par. 2: First point of view  
Par. 3: Second point of view  
Par. 4: Personal opinion*  
  
That is not what you provided so it is more than likely that your essay will only get a final score of 2 since you barely responded to the task.
## satisfaction of sports club's members

  
  
The table gives the statistics of the percentages of 3 levels of satisfaction voted by members of a city sports club as regards range of activities, facilities and opening hours.  
  
Overall, it is clear that female members are more satisfied with the opening hours than men, meanwhile, the remaning ones are voted with higher satisfaction in men than women.  
  
As can be seen, in an aspect of activities, only a mere 5% of male members are not satistifed with compared to a third of female members who are not pleased. Additionally, both men and women are very satisfied with the club facilities with 63% and 64% respectively; however, the ratio of no satisfaction of women is larger than men, 14% compared to one in ten.  
  
Interestingly, women are very satisfied with the last one with approximately three-quarters (72%), while just 44% and 19% of men are very satisfied and satisfied. Remarkably, 37% of male members are more not satisfied with the opening hours than women, with 37% compared by only 3%.
Huy , you neglected to upload the table image that you were given to assess for the writing part of this analysis essay. I cannot really consider the essay that you wrote appropriate at this point because I do not have the image to compare it with. The major requirement that our forum has for the task 1 essay review is that you have to include the illustration for our review. A general word of advice for your essay development though. Don't write only 2 sentences. Don't try to get by using different punctuation marks. There is only one punctuation mark that is your friend in this essay and that is the period. The period allows you to develop simple and complex sentences which increases two important scoring points in the essay, the C&C and the GRA score. Right now your presentation is limited in abilities and can be improved. I just can't point out the specific improvement points because of the missing illustration.
Topic: *People increasingly acess the news online these day, rather than buying newspaper and magazines to find out what is going on.  
Some people predict that, because of the spread of internet news, newspaper will disappear at some point in the future.  
Do you agree that newspaper will die out in the future?*  
\*\*\*\*\*  
## traditional media information vs online news

  
  
Nowadays, the higher demand of people is the more popular internet is. As a result of promoting news online, the traditional media remarkably decrease. Although several predictions that newspaper will die out , in my opinion they won't be disappeared.  
  
The thing following is reason why that way wouldn't die out. The first, although e-journal is convenience , basic condition is that user must to have skill. Difficultly, old person's confusion is really hard to use computer or smartphone. A simple skill , as tap on laptop is not easy for them and absolutely seeming is unable to do on a small cell phone.  
  
The second, no one can sure that wherever requirement have, there is internet. Geography's condition is one of restriction to spread internet to everyone. In remote area, although requirement using internet is more and more promoted, waves difficultly reach there.  
  
The third, In modern cities, strong waves almost don't have any trouble to access internet. Even some where wifi is free for anyone. However, there isn't small amount of studies of scientists show that electronic waves from laptop, smartphone, e-devices would harm to health. For instance, using computer in woman who have pregnancy will effect negative for fetal's brain.  
  
Nevertheless, we cant deny positive aspect of reading news online. The choosing topic which we care by easy way is the most advantage. Beside, small devices fit in pocket is more convenient than a newspaper of a TV.  
  
In conclusion, by anyway news online would never completely exchange traditional media. Even, one day when people's knowledge is more and more advance, they would refer to comeback newspaper or TV than internet due to harmful healthy aspect of them.  
  
thank you for reading!.