dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
There will be minimal percentage points deductions for the missing 2 words that would have completed the 250 miniman word count. The writer must always be concious of the word count as it relates to pre-sectional scoring considerations. Avoid starting with deductions because these will definitely pull down your TA score. Even the slightest deduction will have an effect on your final sore.  
  
There should not be a contrasting discussion here as there was no comparison discussion indicator in the prompt. The focus of both paragraphs must be only on enhancing your opinion. The contrasting discussion will lower the TA and C + C scores because of the , alteration that led to non-cohesive discussion paragraphs. The writers opinion also became incoherent to a certain degree because of it. The second paragraph is what supports the writers thesis statement. That will recieve a score. The first opposing paragraph will not. I cannot be sure that this essay may receive even the lowest possible passing score at this point because of the improperly developed explanation paragraphs and word count deduction.
## youth's cigarette smoking problem

  
  
The increasing amount of young smokers has been a cause of concern for some time. As recent surveys show that one-fifth of the total population takes up smoking before they are 20 years old, and this percentage has grown steadily in recent years. It seems increasingly clear that this development is causing problems in our society, and effective measures should be taken to solve these problems.  
  
The first problem of cigarette smoking is that those who smoke for a long time take a high risk of suffering from serious health problems such as heart attacks, tuberculosis, and lung cancer. It has already been proved by scientists that tobaccos containing a large amount of nicotine and other perilous substances trigger a high risk of lung cancer, which is currently still incurable. In fact, in the United States, cigarette smoking is linked to about 80% to 90% of lung cancer deaths. Another worrying trend is that tobacco smoke has an adverse impact on the health of people who expose to it. For instance, researchers strongly suggest that children exposed to tobacco smoke are at increased risk of hearing loss. Scientists state that non-smokers do not get the benefit from their system adapting to smoke inhalation so the effects of passive smoking are far greater on non-smokers than on smokers.  
  
One way to eradicate the problems of smoking would be that the governments should impose heavier taxes on cigarettes to persuade more people to give up smoking, especially youngers. If the measure were taken, even if it were possible for children to buy cigarettes before they are eighteen, it would be impossible for them to afford it. Moreover, the governments must introduce restrictions on smoking in public places. By controlling the emission of tobacco smoke in public places, we could improve the air quality and prevent non-smoker from passive smoking. Another solution would be for parents to teach their children about the wide variety of ailments that smoking produces. As a result, youngers would understand what will happen to them if they smoke, which reduces the prevalence of smoking among young people in our society.  
  
In conclusion, I strongly believe that cigarette smoking may cause incredibly serious health problems, both smokers and non-smokers. Furthermore, the very effective way to reduce the number of young smoking people is by raising taxes on cigarettes, promulgating policies on banning smoking in public places, and educating people about the significant impact of cigarettes on people's health.
The first half of the essay is a direct prompt deviation. Information about the member of young smokeus are not indicated in the original prompt. The finst discussion point in relation to the reasons for this problem was changed to problems smoking causes. The essay, at this point, is presenting a response unrelated to the task. In relation to that, an irrelevant paragraph discussion was presented soon after. These are the presentation points that will lead to a failed preliminary score for this essay. These will also be the reason for the final overall failing score of the presentation.  
  
It is important that the discussion presentation is never changed from the original course/ content. The student is scored on his ability to understand and follow English instructions. The writer followed one out of two discussion instructions. The writer must always follow both instructions and offer a paraphrase without adding unsupported data (not in the original prompt).
In the first passage, you should avoid repeating words used in previous lines. You should use more synonyms and express flexibly.  
In my opinion, the second and third passages are good. I think you must have read many information and evidence. However, you should use words which are more academic.  
  
In the last passage, you should replace "Futhermore" with " Therefore" or "Hence" in order to create a link between ideas. The solutions you offered should be more general. not more detail because this passage is the summary of your essay.
## percentage of households with electrical appliances

  
  
The first line graph illustrates the number of ownership of electrical appliances altered from 1920 to 2019, while the second graph depicts the amount of time spent doing chores every week over the same period.  
  
Overall, it can be seen that the proportion of households with washing machine, refrigerator, and vacuum cleaner increased rapidly which mean they became more popular in modern society. By contrast, the total time spent on household per week plummeted.  
  
In 1920, the percentage of refrigerators was lowest, just 0%. After 20 years, refrigerators observed a dramatic rise and they reached a plateau of 100% in 1980. At the beginning point, the figure for washing machines was ahead of vacuum cleaners by a wide margin, at 30% for the former and 40% for the latter. Both figures then increased significantly, however, the proportion of vacuum cleaner surpassed the other and hit the highest point of 100% in 2000. The data for the washing machine went up slightly to approximately 70% after witnessed a minimally decline while refrigerator and vacuum cleaner took the leading position many decades till the end of the period.  
  
As can be seen from the second line graph, it is obvious that the number of hours of housework in 1920 was 50 hours. Furthermore, when society became more technological and modernized the citizens tent to depend on electronic devices, and maybe that was the reason why the amount of time spent on chores plummeted to 10 hours in 2019.  
  
Please give me some feedbacks on my essay. I grateful thank you!!!  
  
*
The essay is over-witten. The writer cannot complete 2OO + words within 20 minutes. There should not be more than 200 words in the presentation. More than this and the writer will be cutting into the 40 minute task 2 writing allowance. Over analysis is not required as this is just a simple report essay. Do not turn it into a Task 2 essay.  
  
The writer uploaded the wong image as the basis for this essay. It will limit the review extent for this presentation. A recycled bottles image was incorrectly uploaded.  
  
The second image information lacks in-depth analysis when compared to the first image. The writer also mistakenly gave a personal opinion in the report. That is not allowed in the data reporting essay as there is no need for a personal opinion when you are just repeating information to the reader. An opinion is different from an analysis.  
  
Opinion- a belief or judgment that rests on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty.  
  
Analysis - this process as a method of studying the nature of something or of determining its essential features and their relations
The passage summarising the whole content of your essay should be shorter, about 2 lines can be good. Before writing the summary, there should be a line introducing the name of the graph.  
  
In the third passage, you should divide 3 aspects into 3 passages clearly with lliking words like " Turning to", "As regards" or " Regarding". You showed clearly the stage of each aspect with obvious figures. However, in the last line of the third passage, you made mistakes related to grammar. "Witnessed" should be changed into "witnessing" since it is active voice and "a minimally decline" should be changed into " a minimal decline" or " a fractional drop/ fall".  
  
That is my feedback. Hope you feel useful. Have a good day :)
**Topic:**  
  
## People succeed because of their hard work; luck has nothing to do with success.

  
  
***Do you agree or disagree with this statement?  
  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.***  
  
*Write at least 250 words.*  
  
**My essay:**  
"Succeed is always a journey, but not a destination." There is a debate whether one's success depends on luck or not. This is a controversy issue. Personally, I agree with the rubric that one will achieve the feat by virtue of dedication as well as the blessing of our Almighty.  
  
When mentioning to success, one cannot deny the ability to devote our time and energy to work will play a vital role in it. To be more specific, if a student wants to gain a high score in the final exam, he/she must be willing to dedicate all his/her time and energy to study.  
  
Now I would like to put emphasis to luck, I believe that luck is also a mandatory thing if one wants to climb new summits. This is due to the fact that nothing is more powerful than our Gods, they will determine whether will we succeed or not. Even at the school, sometimes kids are getting their marks by luck because of teachers' mistakes.  
  
After analysing both sides of the problem, I have to conclude that despite being hardworking is an essential factor to become more successful, luck also influences the results of our workings. But I believe that is is more important to keep working hard rather than simply waiting for luck to approach us.  
  
---  
Please help me I am a poor student with no money in budget :((((  
Please score me like the IELTS Writing Task 2.  
Thank you very much!!!!
The essay is subject to a tremendously low, definitely failing score. I will save you a public embarassment here by not mentioning the actual score. Just know that not writing a 250 word essay is where the failure started. There are only 224 words presented here. The improperly quoted text is another reason, along with the confusingly worded response sentence. The use of the word " rubic" doesn't make sense. It does not relate to the original prompt. The opening paragraph problems are enough evidence as to why the overall grade will be failing.  
  
The essay presentation must never make reference to a religion or divine belief of any sort. The reasons must be based on commonly held opinions and general considerations. The examples provided are even further removed from the evidence requirements. The essay totally changed from the original requirements. These are the reasons why this will be a failing essay in an actual test.
## Overseas students and local students in Australia

  
  
THE GRAPHS BELOW SHOW THE ENROLMENTS OF OVERSEAS STUDENTS AND LOCAL STUDENTS IN AUSTRALIAN UNIVERSITIES OVER A TEN YEAR PERIOD.  
  
SUMMARISE THE INFORMATION BY SELECTING AND REPORTING THE MAIN FEATURES, AND MAKE COMPARISONS WHERE RELEVANT.  
  
The graphs show the differences between enrolments of overseas students and local students.  
First of all, we easily see that the number of overseas students has increased for ten years. In contrast, the number of local students has stayed almost the same and stable population can be a reason account for it.  
  
On the graph that shows us information about overseas students, we see that there was numerous of overseas students increased between 2006 and 2009, for details, 2000 students came to Australia for university within three years. After that, we still can see the increasing tendency. On the other hand, the line on the second graph doesn't show us any idea or any tendency. We can easily see that the number of students has decreased for 3 years, from 2008 to 2010.  
  
To sum up, the differences between the number of overseas students and local students are not only the tendency but also the enrolments.  
  
*
The summary of information is incomplete as it does not offer :  
- proper graph type identification  
- Measurement years indicator  
- Type of measurement used  
  
There is a missing analysis paragraph for the second image in relation to the incoming and graduating students. The presentation should have presented that as a 4th paragraph.  
  
It appears that the miter failed to properly review the given images. The writer was in a rush to complete the essay on only the most basic level. Not understanding that a deeper analysis would have increased the C + C score for the essay. In fact, having written such a short essay of only 156 words severely limits the score for this essay. A lengthier version of 175 words would have been better for the final score.
In the first line, you should paraphrase the key words and express the information more flexibly. You can replace the word "show" by using others like "clarify", "reveal" . Moreover, you should clearly show graphs are the "Line Graphs". There is a lack of time/period and area/location in your first line.  
  
In the second passage, you should use the word like "To sum up" or "In conclusion" rather than "First of all" to summarize the while content of your essay.  
  
In the third passage, You should divide "Local students" and "Overseas students" into 2 seperate passages. In addition, you should not repeat the expression which you used in previous line. Instead, you shoud use the flexible transition such as "Turning to", "As regards" or " With preference to" in order to create the cohesion in your essay. When mentioning any period or single year, you should give the clear figures to prove the information.  
  
In the task 1 Ielts Writing, you only need to write the summary once.  
That is my feedback. Hope you feel useful. Have a good day :)
## "unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school program"

  
  
In high schools, there are numerous activities, which generally play a vital role in enhancing students' quality and broadening their experience. There is a hold perception that pupils should be required to join in voluntary work in order to raise living standards. Personally, I am greatly in favor of this point of view.  
  
In my opinion, important though studying will be, children will have no practical experience without doing charity work. Moreover, their social skills, including communication or teamwork, tend to be limited in the light of they are less likely to do something useful for society.  
  
Compared to those who have less opportunities to do unpaid community service, pupils making contribution to society free of charge generally gain more benefits. First and foremost, when joining in voluntary work such as doing charity or helping those in need, students possibly realize how lucky they are, teaching them learn how to appreciate their living conditions. Nowadays, many large companies appear to recruit applicants having both work experience and activities to help community. In order to boost students' employment prospects in the future, they should be required to involve in unpaid community service. More importantly, students' willingness to provide community with support free of charge, and this will shape civilized society and bring about social unity. This possibly leaves the better lives and opportunities for the disadvantaged. For instance, many children coming from remote areas was offered education and medical services thanks to voluntary work in Vietnam.  
  
To sum up, I firmly convince that mandatory activities in high schools should include unpaid community service for students.
The prompt paraphrase section is an incomplete representation of the original. The second public point of view was not presented as a part of the opinion considerations. It should have been presented to prove that the writer completed a thorough analysis of the discussion points prior to representing the measured response to the question. While the paragraph presentation is on point and effective, the lack of the second option presentation is what made it an under-explained restatement.  
  
The 2 reasoning paragraphs properly developed a varied supporting statement based on the writer's point of view. The first reason developed the analytical standpoint of the writer. This showed a coherent thought process that led to the point of view presentation. However, the paragraph is missing a transition sentence as the third representative sentence. This would have helped the paragraph meet the 3 - 5 sentence requirement for the paragraph and offered a smooth transition / change of topic introduction in the succeeding paragraph..  
  
The example paragraph and explanation is solid and helps to connect the 2 discussion paragraphs. The cohesiveness in the presentation is highly evident. This is a well developed essay, provided the examiner will ignore the early presentation error. Regardless of that error, even the GRA issues do not affect the clarity of the overall presentation. This may just be a passing score essay .
## In some countries, many people are choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past.

  
***Do you think it is a positive or negative development?***  
  
In this personalized era, there are more and more people prefer to live alone, especially in metropolises of some developed countries. In my view, I consider that this growing trend could have both positive and negative impacts.  
  
On the one hand, living alone can bring several benefits to both individual's life and the whole economy's development. Firstly, in order to live alone, people may become more independent and self-reliant than those who live with family members. For instance, an individual who lives alone must balance their income and expenses, do all the household chores, which could effectively improve their ability of self-management and financial management. Secondly, by choosing not to marry, single people would have chances to freely design their own life. They can create their own rules, have a free environment to do whatever they want, and make their decisions without worrying about other people's opinions. In this way, single people can pursue their careers easily and enhance their working skills easily.  
  
On the other hand, there are some disadvantages of the rise in one-person households. First and foremost, depression and anxiety are the results of loneliness. Living alone in an apartment and a flat prevent an individual from face-to-face interacting with everyone including their family member. Those lonely people would suffer from feelings of loneliness, isolation, and worry. To cite an example, the divorced who are likely to be the people who live alone, are more at risk of depression, which is becoming an increasingly severe problem in society. Moreover, residing alone would increase the total spending of an entire family. Some expenses such as electricity expenses, water expenses, and wifi expenses.  
  
In conclusion, depending on how an individual lives, one-person life would affect them in different ways, both beneficial and detrimental ways.
This is a single opinion essay. The writer is given the option to discuss one of two points of view. Why is it a single opinion essay? There is no instruction to discuss both points of view. In the absence of such an instruction, a response based on a single opinion is required. The essay does not offer a clear opinion based on TA requirements and will therefore, not gain a passing TA score. This will limit the opportunity of the writer to achieve a passing score as the TA forms a large scoring basis for this essay. Make a mistake in this section and the essay will struggle to get a mere passing consideration.
Besides the view of the first comment, I personally appreciate the writing skills of the writer. The ideas are clear in the second and the third paragraph, and the essay structure is well-managed.  
  
The only flaw is the same as aforementioned, it would be better to give your own opinion, especially one opinion, even if that's not what you actually think, because the aim is to score higher.  
  
Hope this helps you, wish you the best!
**Topic:  
*Some parents believe that learning mathematics at school is redundant and should not be taught while others believe that it should remain a foundational subject whether or not it is used later in life.*  
  
## Discuss both views.**  
  
Whether or not to teach mathematics at school has been spurring acute controversy for a long time. While some parents opine about math as an impractical and superfluous subject, other parents contend that it holds a pivotal part of education and must remain compulsory in the school curriculum for its wide range of applications. This essay analyzes both points of view in-depth.  
  
Many parents deem that the role of mathematics in education became more obsolete and irrelevant. Due to the booming of the computer age, we derive benefits from the fascinating application of automated procedures to tackle complex mathematical-related problems. Aloof of conceptual math, the interference of machinery demonstrates the unnecessity of mathematical skills and statistical savvy when every calculation from simple additions to complicated derivatives are decipherable by computers. The interference of automatic calculation is attributable to the notion that mathematics is merely an ancient subject that needs to be removed from the syllabus.  
  
In contrast to parents who wish to cease teaching math in classes, others affirm their opposition to the aforementioned perspective. Mathematics benefits students intellectually despite hand calculations and train problems becoming redundant. It is true that a student, who is competent in mathematics, performs excellent problem-solving skills and sharp quantitative thinking compared to a student who is mediocre at math. A good deal of research has explained this by pinpointing out how doing math can recruit certain regions more reliably and increase gray volume in those regions. For that reason, many parents firmly believe that mathematics is a crucial subject at school.  
  
In conclusion, the argument about excluding mathematics from the school curriculum has been going to the climax. Several parents perceive it as outdated and impractical, while other parents maintain that math should remain mandatory at school. This essay examined various reasons why parents hold these perspectives and whether mathematics should stay or remove from the school studies.
The essay is a bit over the ideal 300 word maximum essay. The writer tried, but failed to portray a higher than average level of English vocabulary by using misplaced advanced jargon to the point were some sentences presented were already gibberish. The task 2 essay is scored on the proper way a student uses everyday English words in a discussion.  
  
The task 1 essay is the one that normally benefits from more profession related word usage. The task 2 essay suffers score-wise with every incomplete thought presentation, every incomplete sentence written, every word used improperly (out of actual meaning / word definition). This essay unintentionally committed these mistakes.  
  
It over-intellectualized an otherwise simple discussion and confused the reader over several sentence presentations. It is wordy but not properly developed in terms of thought presentation or writing.