dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## using traditional culture to hook the attention of travelers

  
  
It is sometimes debated that cultural traditions may be destroyed when they are used as money-making attractions that are aimed at tourists. While I agree that this phenomenon is coupled with disadvantages, I believe that it is more likely to be associated with advantages.  
  
On the one hand, using cultural traditions to hook travelers can bring some benefits. Firstly, it is beneficial for people who rely on traditional culture for a living. For example, in Vietnam, the Dong Ho painting village is the heritage of the country; however, this traditional culture is on the verge of disappearance because dwellers cannot find enough money to make ends meet. Thus, travelers who come to this village can spend money buying paintings, which helps residents to overcome poverty. Secondly, the development of the tourism industry plays a key role in solving the unemployment problem in many countries. Specifically, this development creates many job opportunities that are linked with the tourism industry, such as tour guides and hotel staff. Thus, taking advantage of this development helps local governments to reduce the rate of joblessness.  
  
On the other hand, using cultural traditions to attract tourists can lead to drawbacks. Inevitably, the development of the tourism industry is associated with the deterioration of young people about the awareness of traditional culture. To be more specific, travelers can bring their cultures, such as action movies and fashion trends, to tourist destinations. Thus, young people who absorb this novelty can ignore the cultural identity of their countries.  
  
In conclusion, there are convincing arguments both for and against using traditional culture to hook the attention of travelers, but I believe that this trend still has positive impacts.  
  
P/s: Please give me some good advice
The prompt for this essay requires a discussion of both opinions and then a presentation of your personal opinion. Based on the discussion requirements, it appears that you did not follow the writing instructions. You have chosen to use the A/D format where it was not stated. Therefore, your essay response is not going to get a passing score. You wrote an essay that does not relate to the discussion requirements of the original prompt. This shows a lack of English comprehension skills. That is due to your failure to represent the discussion based on the 3 reasoning paragraph format. As such, I strongly urge you to review the methods by which the Task 2 essay is responded to based upon the original instructions. You can use the sample essays at this forum to accomplish that. That would be the better way for you to learn how to approach the discussion requirements since the review of the work of others can help you better develop your own writing skills.
## WRITE A SUMMARY INFORMATION

  
  
The three pie charts show information on how three countries, namely the Republic of Korea, Sweden, and the UK, can tackle waste products.  
Overall, recycling waste products is widely used in the Republic of Korea, while burying waste products underground is widely used in the UK and Sweden.  
  
In terms of the Republic of Korea, the percentage of recycling waste products is largest, at 69%, while the figures for burying waste products and incineration are smaller by a margin of 47% and 60% respectively.  
  
Regarding Sweden, the percentage of burying waste products accounted for over a half, at 55%. Meanwhile, the figure for incineration is responsible for a merely proportion of 20%, 5% lower than that for recycling waste products.  
  
According to the UK, the proportion of burying waste products is highest, at 82%, while the figures for chemical treatment and dumping at sea are lower by a margin of 74%. Besides, the figure for incineration is lowest, at 2%.  
  
*
The summary overview should have indicated the types of waste management as indicated in the pie chart. A listing of the shared methods, as well as the unique UK methods in the overview would have helped to create a better understanding of the data information accompanying the images.  
  
All of your paragraphs are just long sentences. These run-on presentations fail to show your range of punctuation knowledge and grammar abilities. There is no real reflection of a mix of simple and complex sentences in the paragraphs. You should try to use more variety in your written presentation. Try to divide the presentations into 3 sentences per paragraph to at least show an effort when it comes to trying to write sentences in various formats.
Hi @TriNhan, here are some small mistakes i found in your essay, After reading it please come and check mine to, thank you a lot.  
  
Paragraph 1, line 2: i think the phrase "is widely used" has been repeated twice, so I change it to "while burying waste products underground is commonly applied in the UK and Sweden."  
  
Paragraph 4, line 1: i think the phrase "at (percentage)" has been used several times, so the one is used in the last paragraph I will change it to "occupy 82%" instead of "at 82%".
## why the changes that are coming are positive?

  
  
The world is dynamic changing everyday, as the result of technology innovation, many people believe that the changing will push our civilization up. In my opinion the merits outweight the drawbacks. This essay discusses the reason why the changes that are coming are positive, then I will give my opinion about what kind of changes will happen.  
  
The main reason why I believe our society will develop in some positive ways is that science and technology are helping our society gain incredible achievements to our lives. We can easily aware that the medical industry has significantly improved the average age of humand due to the development of technicals and devices. In early 19th century, the average life expectancy of 40 years, compare to present, average life expectancy has been doubled, up to 72 years.  
  
Another reason why I support this opinion is that the enhancement of robotics are gradually taking over many kind of tasks that people have to do before such as household chores, do dangerous jobs, etc so that this will enable us to have more free times to enjoy our lives.  
  
However, the are some negative changes will occur. The main issue is that people are spending too much times on their smartphones which caused the lack of direct interaction among people in our society and lack of physical activities of our children. For example, I spend 4 hours every night to suffer Facebook and watch Netflix, whereas 10 years ago, I would spend time with my family right after I came home.  
  
In conclusion, the merits of changes in the future seem to outweight the drawbacks as it can improve many aspects of our lives such as health, convinient, save times and help our lives more enjoyable. However, the decline of comunication in real life may leads to emotionless in our society. Given this situation, it seems that we should decrease times to spend with our smartphones and increase times with our relatives.
The main discussion instruction for this essay is "Do you agree or disagree?" The secondary discussion point is "What kind of changes will occur?" Based on the discussion path that was set out for you in the original prompt, it appears that your response is not related to the topic provided. The topic being the 2 discussion questions provided to guide your discussion.  
  
Your response is related to positive and negative, merit and demerits. There is no proper response to the question outlined in the paraphrase section. You will start your scoring consideration at the lowest possible level because of this error. When you are asked a yes or no question, respond with a yes or no response. When asked if you agree or disagree, respond in the same manner. Failure to do so will alter the discussion instruction, as what happened in your essay, causing a scoring deduction for you.  
  
Your conclusion offers an opinion where none was required by the original prompt. These prompt deviations are the biggest problem of your presentation as these alter the discussion instructions, causing you to create your own essay topic and presentation format. It does not follow the expected response format. Due to this alteration, your essay will not be able to receive a passing score. Your TA error will make sure of that.
Paragraph 2, line 2: human  
Paragraph 2, line 2: i think "due to" should be change to "thanks to"  
Paragraph 4, line 1: "there are", I think it is a type error, right ?  
Paragraph 4, line 2: i think "physical activities of children" should be change to "for children"  
Paragraph 4, line 2: "suffer" to "surf"  
hope you read this and check my essay too. Thank you a lot. Enjoy @kieumanh007 !
## Discuss about advantages and disadvantages of study abroad

  
  
Nowaday, more and more students have demand to go oversea study. With many people, studying in a new country brings to them lots of benefits with various experiences. But some people, living and learning in another country is bad experience they would never forget.  
  
When the economic goes high, both big domestic companies and international companies always look forward to finding the best contestants working for them. There are a lot of works, a lot of position vacuums that companies recruit. But it doesn't seem like job opportunities is for everyone. If we want to get the good job with decent money, we need to have suitable degrees as well as preparing soft skills and hard skill. In this situation, study oversea is an ideal way to make our dreams come true. Some nations like America, United Kingdom, Japan, Singapore, German... they have a great educational system. Getting a chance to live and study in these nations will improve and develop mindset, skills, knowledge, real work experience... As a result, when they go back to their home country, they will be able to work for large corporations without getting many difficulties. Furthermore, studying abroad also pushes our understanding of vary culture. Many students, besides spending learning at school, they either take time to detecting famous places, trying custom practice of new lands, eating cuisines or even learning local language... There are so many good things to do when we study abroad.  
  
In contrast, oversea study may have some difficulties for both students and parents. Normally, oversea study is just for people who have good conditions. For example, most of abroad students are from rich family who have been trained and educated from very young age. Students who are from small provinces may seem have no many chances to go to another country. This is not fair for everyone. In addition, although students can even get a chance to study oversea, they have to work very hard to make ends meet. A lot of students, they don't spend sufficient time on class, instead, they just want to work as musch as possible to earn money. This is absolutely opposite with their first goal of oversea studying. Not lack of people who have to stop their course because of bad studying result.  
  
In conclusion, studying abroad is a wonderful way we can do to get achievements in life, but it may bring a lot of disadvantages for people who don't have good resources, don't try enough or forget the first objective.
## the overall number of minutes of Australia telephone calls

  
  
**The bar chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in Australia, divided into three categories, from 2001- 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
The given bar chart illustrates the overall number of minutes of Australia telephone calls by three categories between 2001 and 2008.  
  
Overall, there was a changeable trend of telephone calls time in three categories over an 8 years period. In addition, local calls always had the largest number of minutes compared to other kinds in Australia.  
  
It can see clearly that in the first five years, the minutes of local telephone calls raised gradually from 72 billions in 2001 and then reached a peak of 90 billions in 2005. Surprisingly, this figure declined steadily in the final years and returned with the number of 72 billions minutes. Meanwhile, national & international and mobile calls saw an upward trend from 2001 to 2008. Only 38 billions minutes of National and International calls was counted in 2001 and then increased nearly twofold to get the highest point in 2008. There was also a dramatic growth in Mobile calls time, stated at only 2 billions minutes and rose to 61 billions in 2008, which also was the kind of telephone calls in Australia having the lowest total number in the chart.  
  
*   
*bar chart*
Your presentation can be clearer. In the first paragraph, you should be listing the 3 categories from the image along with the measurement value used (calls in minutes). By the way, it is "Australian telephone calls" not "Australia telephone calls". Australia is the country, Australians as the people who live in Australia. Be careful of your word usage. Make sure to not call the people of a country by the country name accidentally. That is really a serious LR error.  
  
Your trending statement is one sentence short to make it an acceptable paragraph. A good paragraph has 3 sentences in it. The best paragraph has 5 sentences in it. However, It is not just the number of sentences that matter. A proper mix of simple and complex sentences are required for a better GRA score. Your last paragraph doesn't really help you reflect that so you should make sure that you do a better job with your sentence structure next time.
TOPIC:  
***The advances in air travel are focused only for the upper class and this seems to have left others with no benefit.  
## Do you agree or disagree?***  
  
It is sometimes debated that advances in air travel only bring benefits to the upper class, and this industry tends to ignore the benefits of others. While I agree with this statement, I believe that the advances in air travel can help poor people.  
  
On the one hand, the advances in air travel lead to drawbacks for poor people. Firstly, the aviation industry is associated with the tiredness of low-income people. To be more specific, poor people who want to go to an airplane have to queue, while rich people can gain support from airplane companies with a private path for VIP guests. Therefore, this trend helps rich people to save a lot of time and energy. Secondly, the aviation industry plays a key role in protecting the health of rich people. Nowadays, the outbreak of the COVID-19 pandemic rapidly has spread all over the world, and rich people tend to use private jets to avoid contact with this dangerous disease. In contrast, poor people tend to travel by low-cost flights, which is more likely to suffer from the COVID-19 virus.  
  
On the other hand, advances in air travel bring benefits to poor people. Apparently, using aviation services has positive impacts on saving time for low-income people. Undoubtedly, commuting by airplane can be considered the safest and fastest way in the world, and airline companies pay attention to cutting ticket fares to hook low-income people. Therefore, low-income people can take advantage of this trend to travel by planes, which helps them to save a lot of time.  
  
In conclusion, air travel is responsible for the drawbacks of poor people; however, this development also results in benefits for them.  
  
P/S: Please give me some advice, thanks in advance!
The opening paraphrase should, as much as possible never contain any keywords from the original prompt. That means there need to be alternative reference to air travel (overseas tours, plane movement, air sightseeing, etc.), upper class (rich, people who can afford to travel, affluent members of society, etc.), and benefits (gain, perks, etc). Your opinion is contradictory. Either you agree or disagree. You cannot do both. There is no "I agree with both sides" option in your response choices. You should pick only one side to defend since this is NOT:  
  
- an extent essay  
- a comparative essay  
  
So the main problem with your presentation is the lack of a clear opinion in the discussion. Rather than discussing and defending only one side of the issue, you opted to try and agree with both. A decision that will reflect a score that means you do not have a clear opinion presented in the essay. You are not discussing the essay based on the required or expected format so the essay may not get an impressive overall score in the end.
The line graph shows the proportion of birth in China and The USA from 1920 to 2000.  
As can be seen from the graph, China and the US experienced a global downward trend by varying degrees.  
Despite of a slight increase of 5 percent between 1920 and 1935, the percentage of baby boom in the US recorded a sharp decrease by 10 percent in the next 5 years, before reaching a peak of 20 percent at 1950. The figure indicated that a rapid fall in rate of birth in The US from 20 to nearly 2 percent was observed from 1950 on-ward.  
  
At the 5 year start, the ratio of giving birth in China stabilized around 13 percent, however, in the period 1935 to 1945 saw a plummet of babies to 5 percent. US and China had a similar pattern in the 5 years after which has characterized by rocket of 10 percent in the rate of birth, before a sharp drop to 6 percent was undergone after that.  
  
A further point of interest that in 1950 both of US and China came top of the list, they as well as had downward trend in the final time.  
  
*
Assume that the reader does not have a copy of the graph. Remember, you are writing a report for a professional. That means, you are not going to rely on the image being available for the reader. You need to be able to paint a better written picture for the reader than you did in the summary paraphrase. Expand on it a bit more. Look at the image again. Find some unique references that you can include in the overview that could make it more informative. The mental picture you create for the reader will be crucial to your TA score.  
  
By the way, the term is "baby boomer" not "baby boom". You should not be using that reference in this report because the phrase connotes a person who reached adulthood during the 1980's. Since your essay goes well before and beyond that time frame, you should avoid using any terms that could be era specific in your report. It shows a lack of LR skills and understanding.  
  
The second paragraph is improperly formatted and will affect your GRA score. The paragraph uses a limited number of punctuation marks and does not properly represent a mix of simple and complex sentences. You only present a series of run-on sentences and a preference for the use of commas. Limiting your ability to show that you know how to use other punctuation marks such as parenthesis, semi-colon, colon, percentage marks, etc.  
  
Your final paragraph is composed of only 1 sentence. It feels out of place based on the way you created the sentence. As a part of a trending statement, it would have been better placed within the summary overview, thus allowing you to separate the first paragraph into 2 equally important paragraphs, creating the more standard easily understood, and better developed discussion presentation comprised of the 3 paragraph format for your essay.
***Some people say the fashion industry has a bad effect on people's lives.***  
## Do you agree?

  
  
Write an essay using all the notes and giving reasons for your point of view.  
Notes Write about:  
1. whether people's appearance is important  
2. the price of clothes  
3. ........................ (your own idea)  
  
It is said that people's lives nowadays are affected very badly by the fashion industry. I think there are three main reasons that cause this issue, include the importance of people's appearance, the cost of types of clothes, and the materials that are made into clothes.  
  
To start with, it is undeniable that clothes play an important role in forming people's appearance, which makes people take pride in and be more confident in themselves. Therefore, many individuals usually take care of their looks too much in both work and social life like what types of shirts or pants should be worn, or even they criticize someone else just by his or her appearance. They seem to forget everything around them, and they do not realize that clothes just make people more beautiful outside but not inside.  
  
Secondly, earning their living is not easy, but many people have a tendency of fashion, especially they do not care for the price of clothes. This leads to spend too much time and money on buying so many kinds of clothes, even some of them are too expensive and unsuitable for their normal lives.  
  
Lastly, there are a huge variety of clothing stores in the world from a small shop to a famous store. However, people rarely pay much attention to what the clothes are from. In another word, some kinds of clothes are made from wild animal's skin, and even endangered animals. It is illegal and the special wild animals become extinct.  
  
In conclusion, people are suffering from the disastrous effects of the fashion industry because of three causes that are given.
When you write an opinion essay, you have to show that you have a total belief in what you are saying. That means, you should avoid using words of uncertainty such as "i think". Remember, that creates doubt in your opinion. You need a strong voice of conviction when presenting your reasons because those will be the basis of your response to the question. By the way, even though the outline did not provide the instruction, you should really present a response to the question being asked. Just so you can clearly deliver your opinion to the reader. That, is another reason why you cannot use words that make it appear that you are not really supportive of a specific idea in the essay.  
  
Though the English grammar is not perfect, you get your ideas across to the reader in a manner that is understandable. However, you tend to write run-on sentences, limiting your ability to use a wide range of sentence structures and punctuation marks. You need to learn how to properly develop the simple and complex sentence presentations in your essay. Also, make sure you meet the proper 3 sentence minimum per paragraph for a better balance in your discussion. The second reasoning paragraph could use some more thought and explanation development.  
  
Avoid using a single sentence for your conclusion. Always do a complete recap of your previous discussion so that you can properly repeat your opinion as the closing sentence of the essay. That is how the reverse paraphrase is written as a the concluding paragraph for this type of essay.
## the rank of consumed and produced electricity (2014)

  
  
The bar chart gives information about ten countries which consumed and produced most electricity in 2014.  
  
China and the United States were the top two nations that both held high consumption and production in electricity. It is noticeable that Germany was the only country using more electricity than generated.  
  
The top one country on the chart is China, which generated 5,398 billion kwh of electricity and consumed 5,322 billion kwh. The US also had similar amount of data, with 4,099 billion kwh of production and 3,866 billion of consumption.  
  
By contrast, countries that ranked third to tenth had much smaller figures. Russia only produced over one thousand billion kwh, approximately a quarter of that in the US. Japan and India as well had output nearly a thousand billion kwh, however India was the nation with more surplus electricity. the tenth ranking country. Korea, was the only one which had both production and consumption of electricity under 500 billion kwh.  
  
*