dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## more physical activities

  
  
**The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school.**  
  
This is true , growing number of overweight is a serious problem in the world. Many people who have a sedentary life style are overweight because they do not participate in regular exercise. I believe that introducing more physical education lesson in school only partially eliminate the obesity problem.  
  
Student become more active and energetic if they perform more physical activities.It also help them in their study and keep them fit. However, many adults suffer from obesity. Obesity can cause increase of blood pressure, diabetes and depression. Therefore, to make a healthy society we should include the parents of the students in obesity awareness programs. We can introduce some sports competition in school for parents and students. This sports competition help to keep themselves healthy.We can arrange some health camps which will aware elders about benefit of exercise and yoga. Government may increase taxes on fast food which will prohibit people to eat it because fast foods are very unhealthy.  
  
It is inevitable that introducing more physical activities definitely beneficial for students. But on the other hand, informing everyone about the advantage of physical education not only benefit to reduce the chance of obesity in young generation but will also be beneficial for older generation.
@csesaswati  
Hello there. Welcome to the forum. Thank you for approaching us. I will be providing you with writing feedback tailor-fit to what you have provided.  
  
Firstly, be cautious of the forms of verbs you are using. Remember to always keep a parallel approach wherein a singular noun warrants a singular verb not unless you are using irregular verbs. Keep this in mind.  
  
When you are writing, try to also maintain a formal and academically appropriate structure. Remember that you should evade the usage on uncertain words to keep a firmer tone in your language.  
  
Best of luck as always.
Please fee free to advise. Thank you :)  
  
**In some countries, young people are not only richer but also safer and healthier than ever before. However, they are less happy. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?**  
  
## The key to happiness

  
  
The younger generation is considered living in a more prosperous, safer and healthier society than their forefathers in several countries. Nevertheless, they do not seem to be more satisfied with their lives.  
  
First, the numbers of people with mental illness have increased over the past decades due to the ever-changing nature of technology. Technology brought convenience but also exploding information to our lives. The youth are expected to keep up the pace and double what they can do in a 24-hour day, which can be very overwhelming. Second, even though social media platforms have their benefits, using them too regularly can make you feel unhappy and alienated. Many teens spend too much time trying to take the perfect photo of spots they visited, meanwhile not really enjoying themselves by witnessing it with their own eyes.  
  
In my opinion, the key to happiness is to build relationships with others. Put away the phones at dinner tables and morning coffee with your family and friends. Happiness is a collective phenomenon and is contagious. Also, do what you are passionate about, ask yourself what the one thing in life is you have to achieve that makes everything else unnecessary then go for it. When you do what you're most passionate about, you are developing your potential and contributing to overall well-being, which is self-actualization in Maslow's hierarchy of needs.  
  
In conclusion, although human behavior has changed dramatically over the years, the principles of being content has yet changed. The pursuit of happiness is in our own hands. We are the architect of our own life.
@lichien0422  
Hello there. I'll provide you with writing feedback.  
  
I find that, in general, your writing is well-composed and put-together. I suggest attempting to incorporate more techniques that will help you save space in your essay, allowing you to have more substantial conversations in the latter parts of your writing.  
  
When it comes to giving examples, try to look at an extremist and more generalized one rather than a specific one. Having the former will help you curate more of an understandable depth in your writing.  
  
In the second to last paragraph, the reference to Maslow is quite out of place. I would suggest omitting that.  
  
Best of luck.
## Household chores responsibility

  
  
*Nowadays in many countries women have full time jobs. Therefore, it is logical to share household tasks evenly between men and women. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?*  
  
Over the last decades, women have become a great force in the economy of many countries. They now work full time as men and this raises a question of dividing up the housework equally between them. I agree that partners should help each other with the chores, but it shouldn`t be imposed on everyone as a strict norm.  
  
On the one hand, the career success hasn`t completely changed woman`s position in family. She may be still expected to do the all housework even after an exhausting work day. In fact, modernization has probably doubled the burden of women. In order to ease it, domestic chores should be shared between men and women. Also, by doing the housework together, parents may become good role models for their children, as a result of which next generations can become more unbiased against women. For example, a friend of mine who has been brought up in a rigid patriarchal family thinks that it is a woman`s duty to do the household chores.  
  
On the other hand, I think that the uniqueness of every household and the consent between men and women should be taken into account. Couples themselves should decide on how to divide the work and it should be always based on the consent of both sides. In other words, if the woman is eager to do more housework than the man, we have no right to force them to evenly share the work. It can have a negative impact on a relationship, as partners will focus on equality rather than helping each other in a kind way.  
  
All things considered, I believe both men and women should be responsible for carrying out the chores, because it may lighten women`s load. However, we should keep an open mind, so that breaking down the old prejudice wouldn`t lead us to a new one.
@solivagant  
Hello there. Your overall writing style has improved tremendously over the past weeks. Great job! You had a concrete logical structure to back-up your thoughts and opinions on the matters present. Furthermore, you had also quite a grasp of the language, making it easier for the readers to comprehend what you're trying to say.  
  
I would only suggest having a smoother transition flow between your sentences through incorporating more of an organic approach. You can do this through simply writing down as though you are uttering or verbalizing. Do not force yourself to mark in through transition fillers.  
  
Best of luck as always.
**Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## only challenging hobbies enjoyable?

  
  
It is commonly believed that hobbies are only enjoyable when they are challenging. Personally, I believe that both easy and difficult hobbies can be fun and therefore, I disagree with the statement.  
  
On the one hand, it is true that difficult hobbies are sometimes more interesting. If an activity is challenging, people usually feel a great sense of satisfaction when they complete or achieve it. For example, when I started editing photos and videos, which is difficult, as a hobby, there were a lot for me to learn. After one year of self-studying, I became competent and now I enjoy it much more than when I started. In addition, since challenging activities are more difficult to master, it can keep people interested, stop them from dropping off and avoid boredom.  
  
On the other hand, I believe that easy hobbies can be as enjoyable as difficult ones. Since one's hobbies depend on his own interest, many people can find an easy and simple activity, which does not require special skills, fun and regard it as their hobby. A good example for this is knitting. This hobby requires little materials and easy for everyone to learn but still enjoyable. Moreover, easy hobbies are usually less expensive than challenging ones; therefore, they often attract more people. This means that when people take up an easy hobby, they are likely to meet more friends who have similar interest, which can be enjoyable and pleasant.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that both types of hobbies are interesting but in different ways.
@linhchin  
Hello there.  
  
Try to maximize the space in your essay by omitting unnecessary lines and words. If you can evade the usage of synonymous content, opt to do so as this will permit you to have substantive meaning in your writing. Keep yourself focused on the general and prioritized portions as opposed to not having a filter around.  
  
Furthermore, work on the structure of your sentences. If a lengthy sentence can be separated into two lines, opt to do this as it will help you make concrete your thoughts and opinions.  
  
Overall, the explanations you had were decent and put-together. Just work on the technical aspect of your writing.  
  
Best of luck as always.
*Topic：Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed,rather than to work for a company or organisation.Why might this be the case?  
What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?  
Given reasons for your answer and relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.*  
  
## own business better than a regular employment?

  
  
There are more people choosing to be self-employed,rather than being employed by a company or organisation.In my opinion,the phenomenon can be explained by three reasons.One is that people are dislike to be managed,especially when your idea is conflicted to your managers'.Most of us have to discard our thought reluctantly in these circumstances. Another is that some presume that being self-employed earns more money than being employed.The other is that with being self-employed,you may have your own career,own brand,or own company,and some people target it as a pivotal goal on their lives.Although being self-employed seems so attractive that many people are drawn to it,there's several disadvantages of it.One is that you have to undertake all the risks.For example,my dad is a boss of a company.One time the upstream vendor collapse accidentlally,my dad had to meet up all the loss of his consumers because he is who consumers could only sink for.The other is that you must have far more things to do compared to being just an employee.You need to take the responsibilities of all things ,and that can lead to an extended work hours.As my dad does, he goes to the company whenever any problems happen.Comparing being self-employed and being employed,there's no only answer of which is better.The answer depends on everyone's characteristic and their own life-goal.But one is for sure,success is for the one who works harder in their choose.  
  
Feel free to give an advice and thank you!!
@sodagreensmile  
Hello there. Welcome to the forum. I'll provide you with writing feedback to assist you in this.  
  
Firstly, is your organization really a block of text or is this a mistake when you had placed things into the forum? If it's the former, then try to implement a more organized and structured approach through having appropriate spacing between sentences and paragraphs. Clusters of thoughts that lead to similar conclusions can form single paragraphs to assist you.  
  
Be cautious as well of your punctuation and preposition usage. These are fundamental and yet critical parts of your technical writing.  
  
Furthermore, the example you had used can also be improved by using something less personal and more generic. Try to keep a balance when writing.  
  
Best of luck.
## The two maps below show an island, before and after the construction of some tourists facilities

  
  
The provided maps illustrate several changes of facilities on a tourist destination.  
Overall, the modifications have completely brought it with the well-supplied amenities as well as recreational activities in order to attract tourism.  
It is noticeable that two housings for tourists have been erected. While the first one is located in the west of the island alongside the beach, the second one is situated at the center of the island. There has also been a construction of a new restaurant in the north which is in the middle of two accommodations. At the center of the island, a reception block surrounded by the vehicle track has been added. Not only surrounding the reception the vehicle track also leads to a pier where voyages on yachts are initiated to make provide visitors with a numerous of breath-taking sceneries. Furthermore, people who go to the island can go swimming at the beach in the north-west.  
  
*... Where is the map?*
@minhkhue  
Hello.  
  
It would be helpful to provide the aforementioned map to help us create a more meaningful feedback for your writing.  
  
Apart from that, from what I can see from your writing, your general flow can be improved alongside your organization of thoughts. Notice how there are portions wherein you could have allocated more space to organize and substantiate. Evade the usage of fillers.  
  
Alongside this, try to also create and use spaces where necessary. For instance, after explaining the differentiation between the two housing sites erected, separate the paragraphs to expound on the locations of the sites. Having these gaps makes the transitions smoother.  
  
Best of luck.
## advertisements restrictions

  
  
**The society would benefit from a ban on all form of advertising because it serves no useful purpose, and can even be damaging. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?**  
  
In the world of various forms of advertising, public concern has arisen about whether the government's legislation on the prohibition of pervasive advertisements due to its uselessness and even harmfulness facilitates social development. From my perspective, I strongly disagree with this subjective assumption.  
  
To begin with, living in the age of technology advance with numerous products recently invented with distinct and revolutionary features to better our lives and solve unraveled matters we used to have has emphasized the great importance of public commercials with positive values for our society. More particularly, eye-catching images in adverts enable both manufacturers and potential customers utilizing this opportunities to introduce their products to general public and gain excess to new and advanced ones respectively. Moreover, advertisers considered as one of major sponsors for media costs contribute to pay for television programs we watch and subsidize the newspapers we read every day.  
  
From another reason, we can deny that a large number of job opportunities in advertising have enormously contributed to the nations' economic growth. The prohibition of a variety of advertising is such a pitiful decision that the national prosperity will experience an increase in unemployment rate and a decrease in GDP in relation.  
  
To sum up, that advertising with such undeniable social achievements has proved its essential role in human life has reinforced my belief in its long-term development.
***NOISE POLLUTION IN CITIES AND RURAL AREAS***  
  
**Topic: The charts illustrate the number of people who were affected by 4 types of noise pollution in day and night in cities and rural areas in 2007. Summarize and make comparison where relevant.**  
  
The bar chart presents the number of residents in cities and rural areas affacted by four different kinds of noise pollution during daytime and nighttime in 2007.  
  
Overall, city inhabitants were influenced by noise more than rural ones. The main source of noise came from the traffic.  
  
Traffic noise during the day affected 64 million people living in cities, 30 million more than the number of citizens in rural areas affected. Nighttime traffic noise annoyed 48 million urban residents, doubled the number of rural ones. Noise pollution coming from train was a burden to 10 million and 8 million city residents in day and night respectively. For this category, the difference between the figures of city and rural areas was 2 million people for both day and night  
  
Compared to traffic noise, noise of aircraft influenced 4 million people in cities and half that number in rural areas. At night the figures of two places were the same: 1 million. There were the least number of people disturbed by industrial noise. In big cities, the data was up to 1 million residents during daytime and even fewer at night, whereas rural inhabitants did not experience this type of noise.  
  
*
Hi @nimbus2k2!  
I`ll try my best to help you!  
Actually, I think your report is well-organized.  
These are some corrections from me:  
  
The main source of noise  ~~came from the~~ is traffic.  
  
...residents, ~~doubled the number of~~ which were twice as many as rural ones.  
  
... and half of that ~~number~~ in rural areas.
@nimbus2k2  
Hello there.  
  
I maye be a tad bit late, but I'll provide you with substantial feedback on your writing. I hope this will help you.  
  
I think the first two paragraphs are put-together and alright. Try to just omit the usage of filler words.  
  
As for the succeeding paragraphs, I suggest having a more structured approach to writing. For instance, your third paragraph's first sentence can be separated into two in order to curate a more dynamic writing style. Doing so will help you incorporate more of an organized approach to relaying the information in your text.  
  
Additionally, be cautious of your lack of usage of punctuation as this can hinder the overall flow of your writing.  
  
Best of luck as always. Come back for more feedback.
## shaping children's well-being

  
  
***Topic: For school children, their teachers have more influence on their intelligence and social development than their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?***  
  
Children of young ages are easily affected by the adults around them, in terms of intelligence and social development. Although it is true that teachers have more significant impact on children's academic knowledge, I believe parents are more responsible for their socialization.  
  
The school teachers' job are meant to broaden the knowledge of children and enhance their abilities. All teachers must have gone through strict education and training, making them qualified enough to help their students to discover new horizons. In addition, teachers have indispensable skills in working with children, take care of their different individual needs and at the same time deal with unexpected situations, especially when it comes to young kids. Besides, the subjects students learn at school are theoretical knowledge that changes children's concept of the world. Certainly, teachers are the most suitable adults to orientate them.  
  
On the other hand, the role of improving children's social life is for their parents. It is undeniable that parents are the first people that kids reach out to when they encounter problems, as well as their initial role models. Children tend to imitate their parents' speech and behaviors. Moreover, compared to teachers, parents spend much more time with their own children - more time for kids to pick up good characteristics from their parents. The bond between them is extremely powerful and heartfelt, same as how strong parents' influence on children is.  
  
In conclusion, both parents and teachers hold vital positions in shaping children's well-being. While teachers role is leading them to the world of intellectual knowledge, parents are responsible for developing their social life.
@nimbus2k2  
Hi there. I'll provide you with feedback on this writing task.  
  
Firstly, I suggest going back and focusing more on the fundamental grammatical rules as your composition's appropriateness kinda gets in the way. Try to focus more on the genuine validity of your writing in the long-run. For instance, your opening sentence can be improved by omitting the words "in terms of" and the comma; afterwards, shift around the structure of the sentence to allocate *intelligence and social development* to the front of the text.  
  
Furthermore, try to also add more concrete examples in your text that will help you curate a more substantial input in your writing. How exactly do these things play out in real life? In what situations and contexts?  
  
Best of luck as always.
## IELTS WRITTING TASK 1: employment pattern

  
  
The two pie charts below show some employment patterns in Great Britain in 1992. Employment and self-employed: by sex and occupation,1992.  
  
The pie charts represent the proportion of females and males in employments in different occupations in Great Brian in the year 1992.  
It is clear that the percentage of females in non-manual occupation was higher than manual occupation while that in males was opposite.  
In the manual occupation, the number of general workforce was very small in both men and woman. The proportion of women employed in craft or similar accounted for 24% which was eight as much as that of men. While there almost was not different between the percentage of females and males doing other manual occupation.  
  
In the non-manual occupation, the number of people doing manager and professor was the larger than others. While the men working made up 31% in the employment of clerical or related, the percentage of women was only 6% in that. The amount of working on other non-manual occupations was few similar in the two genders.  
  
*
Hi @Kalina1110!  
I'll try my best to help you. Firstly, you made several mistakes when describing the data. It is important to present information correctly as it is shown in a chart.  
  
Secondly, I think your overview isn't accurate, which is the result of the above-mentioned problem too.  
  
So let's get into details. Here are some suggestions and corrections from me:  
  
..of female~~s~~ and male~~s~~ employees ~~in employments~~ in different ...  
  
"... was higher than that in manual occupation while ... opposite" I'd say that they aren't quite opposite, because in females non-manual work has far higher percentages than manual one, but for men the figure for these two is shared almost evenly. So, you'd better write like this:  
  
"..while ~~that in males was opposite~~ the figure for male employees is almost the same in both types of work.  
  
"... workforce was ~~very small ... woman~~" According to the data, 52% ... So you may say:  
  
"..was higher in men than in women"