dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
@ btho  
  
I will give you some feedback  
I think it more better if you write like this (the advancement of technology has without doubt~~,~~ to connect the world ...) to make your sentence coherence.  
  
***in this sentence you should use cohesive devise to indicate a logical relationship between you ideas***  
Ex : Through creating a fan page, (...) similar interests **that**They can earn their sense ... **Likewise**, One can get to learn ...
**the graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
## water usage statistics in chart and table

  
  
The provided chart and table illustrate about using and consumption water in the couple of countries (Brazil and Congo) in 1 decade. In general trend, using water for agriculture was the highest. Meanwhile, Brazil was the highest of water consumption each person.  
  
To begin, Agriculture sector had many parts for using water. It stood at around 50km3, until the end of period it always was in the top. Industrial and Domestic at the beginning were a little user, then until the end of period they surged at above 1,000km3 in industrial sector and at below 500km3 for people. Domestic figure was the lowest percentage in 1 decade.  
  
Furthermore, Brazil feature was higher than Congo feature. It also occurred in land irrigation and in consumption of water. User of water in 2000, Brazil took much water than Congo by 351 m3. Congo had lower land irrigation than Brazil to 26,500 km3 and it was in proportion to its population is 176 million.  
  
*
hello @tamtamii  
  
you explain the multiple charts very well, but i still found little error such as ;  
The provided chart and table illustrate = (subject verb agreement) The provided chart and table illustrate(S)  
using water for agriculture was the highest = (maybe you can use) globally, agriculture is the highest area which consumed a lot of water.  
  
Brazil feature was higher than Congo feature <= the figures, Brazil was higher than Congo.  
overall i like your ideas and explanations  
you can do it better GOOD LUCK :)
**It is more important for students to understand concepts and ideas than it is for them to learn fact**  
  
## exploring comprehension abilities

  
  
Student life gives an opportunity to explore knowledge in various field. Some choose learning fact as their top priority, while others choose concepts and ideas are important to assimilate the information. In my opinion understanding the concepts and ideas are important than mere learning of facts. I feel this way for two important reason which I am going to explore in the following essay.  
  
First of all, students who comprehend the content tend to retain it for longer than who just follow the fact. For example I learnt how to give a comprehensive restorative care in my college. I use to follow all steps required adequately but sometimes I gave up on simple rule such as not using chlorhexidine after etching the tooth.thinking that it will not bring any difference. I later volunteered for a professor she explained why chlorhexidine is used post etching. Ectching releases matrixmetelloproteases which in turn reduces the bonding of restorative material to tooth. That is when I realized how significant those minor steps were. I never skipped the procedure after that.  
  
Secondly, If one try to understand the basic idea, he will have the ability to apply it practically more often.University life is to prepare student to face the real world, establish career to the at most. Learning facts to do well on exam and scoring higher grade will not bring him success. For example my friend in college knew all the formulas to solve physics problem but his idea to connect to real life situation lacked. He just studied to get the credential. As a result he was not able to hold sophisticated career .  
  
To conclude, I strongly believe that students should understand the concepts and ideas than just learning the fact. Concepts and ideas stay in our memory more than the facts learned just for the matter of studying and Knowledge of core concepts has better pratical application.
**Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem**  
  
## Punishment as a lesson for crime offenders

  
  
Some people believed that punishment such a prison could diminish a high crime rate but in the fact, some villains are more likely to commit crimes after they have released from jail. This essay will discuss why it could happen and how to tackle that.  
  
For some crime agents, a criminal record makes finding job more difficult. It could be said that they have had bad reputation so people are in doubt to recruit them for working due to the fact that they have no choice for job, becoming jobless. That condition enable them to commit crimes for earning money. By way of illustration, people who known as a recidivist will be difficult to find a job since there are no companies or people want to hire them due to their image. Although they get a job, it is not sufficient to fulfill their daily needs because that job is not proper to earn enough money so they will commit crimes again as their former job for it gives them much money.  
  
The best solution to tackle that affair is providing specific job skills for prisoners. Rehabilitation programme aims to make them better citizens since the prisoners receive education and vocational training, they also learn about personal skills that could help them to look for a job. Government should apply that programme as it could change prisoners' perspective when they have released from jail. For example, many recidivists have been success to establish their own business, so they many choices to get a better job and it is possible to decrease the crime rate by offenders.  
  
All in all, I think that punishment could make prisoners' behavior worse. It is better to give them specific job skills and providing a usefull programme such a rehabilitation since it could lead them to get a proper life or even they could produce job field for others.
please comment, check, and correct vocabulary and grammer  
  
## Graduated and non graduated students seeking work

  
  
The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did afterleaving college in 2008.  
  
The two bar charts compare data on different in the amount of UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.  
  
In general, the number of UK graduate and postgraduate students who follow further study are highest at other options of excluding full-time work, the number of graduate students reached 29.665 students and the number of postgraduate students reached 2.725 students. Both of numbers are the most significant destination in England.  
  
More specifically, the number of UK postgraduate students who took on part-time work is reached 2.535 students. It is less than the number of UK graduate students that showed 17.735 students. The number of UK graduate students or UK postgraduate students who did voluntary work is not too much, only 3.500 of the number of postgraduate students and 345 students from the amount of UK graduate students and then unemployment of graduate and postgraduate in 2008 reached the number of 16.235 people from the UK graduate students and 1.625 people from the UK postgraduate students.  
  
*
Sytia, the first comment that I have is with regards to the context of your sentences and paragraphs. the lack of English language knowledge and weakness in sentence structure and grammar causes a significant amount of stress for the reader. That is because the topic of your sentences are always unclear and are hard to define by a simple once over reading. Even multiple readings leave the reader still wondering about the point and accuracy of your statements. Another problem with your presentation, when compared to the actual graph, is that you present the figures in decimal points, when the actual figures are delivered to the reader in thousands using a comma. always use the same presentation as the original since you are supposed to be presenting an accurate summary of what is being presented to you. Changing the format format from the original will result in a mark down of your Task Accuracy score.  
  
Your overview summary at the start does not deliver a complete presentation because it is only one sentence long. There is also a redundancy as your first and second sentences are exact replicas of one another. Since there is no change in the information presented, it would seem that an error or a lack of proof reading occurred on your end, which would be another reason to lower the overall score.  
  
There is a lack of proper sentence development in your paragraphs because you do not use full stops in your paragraphs. Perhaps you were not informed that there is a minimum 3 sentence requirement per paragraph during your class? The sentence structuring will result in another point deduction for you because the improperly formatted paragraphs cause additional stress upon the reader, who is not allowed a chance to properly process and differentiate between presented information. Avoid using commas whenever possible and opt to use a full stop instead.  
  
I won't score this essay for now, mostly because this is your first try and you have room for improvement. I look forward to scoring your next practice test though. Keep writing!
***Hi Syita**, I have read your writing closely and found a few improvement you have needed.  
Firstly, you have to afford to distinguish among kind of words. There was a word which you put a noun, but you located an adjective. That is a minor error, but it can reduce your score if you do many times. Following that, you are supposed to add the article "the" on condition that you wanna write a superlative word. Please, you deal with them to maximize your score.  
  
After that, keep in your mind that the good paragraph has at least three sentences. You have to meet the requirement to create coherence and cohesion better. Apart from that, you have difficulty to achieve a high score. I only give you score less than 6 because you played safely. I suggest you make comparisons in the body paragraphs. However, there is more likely to list the data. You should compare the figures directly to reach the high score. One of the prompts in the writing task 1 is presenting comparisons.  
  
Make sure that you have written the overview in the writing task 1 because it is essential to reach the good score. It can show the interesting trend which happens in the bar chart. You can write that in the introductory paragraph.  
  
Hopefully, those can help you for finalizing this.  
GOOD LUCK*
Syita, After reading your essay, it seems that your are not familiar enough with the writing task I format commonly used. In general, Writing task consists of 4 essential components. They are introduction, overview, details 1 and details 2 which can be written into three paragraphs. Introduction and interview are in paragraph one, details 1 is in paragraph 2, and details 2 is in paragraph 3. In introduction, the writer is asked to paraphrase the prompt given by writing sentences having similar meaning to the prompt while the general pattern of data is an overview. The overview should represent the data in general and it is not only the data showing the highest and the lowest rate. Prior writing the detail paragraph, data classification should be made. The data can be divided based on either year if they have a time frame or according to items if there is a time frame or not.  
  
Here is an introduction that I make.  
  
**The bar graphs compares a range of activities undertaken by students from two different levels not taking a full job in the year 2008 (an introduction). Overall, it is immediately apparent that both graduate and postgraduate students were more interested in continuing their study to higher degree (an overview).**
@syita\_arc  
  
Hi syita. In my humble opinion on working task 1 essay. It is important to not deliver the number on the chart/bar in a repeating way. You should make it like a story use comparison and do not state the actual number. *For example The stark contrast of a number of employment that comes from the undergraduate student is ten times higher compare to graduate student.*  
  
From there you can work your way to the rest of data. I believe the first think you should start is work on your vocabulary that relates to presenting a data. hope this help.
Hi @syita\_arc  
I will give you some feedback  
  
... did not go into full-time work did afterleaving college in 2008. (pay attention with your spelling it can make the reader too confuse)  
  
... amount of UK graduate students andthen unemployment of (...) graduate students and 1.625 people from t... (I think you should mix complex sentence and use the other connection in this paragraph to make your idea coherent and cohesive)  
  
I think you should make clear overview from interesting marked in the graph
@syita\_arc  
as far as i read your essay, i think to improve your score, you have to pay attention more on your grammar, i found you put an adjective after preposition. the preposition have to be followed by noun. turning to the body paragraph 1 and 2, you just picked all detail without any comparisons. if you want to boost your score, you have to use both language of comparison and language of change. also, pay more attention in choosing selected data, only choose the remarkable figure to interest your reader.
The line chart illustrates the recycling rate of four different materials from starting point in 1982 to 2010 in a nation.  
  
Overall, it is clear that there were upward trends in the proportion of four materials in the period surveys.  
  
In 1982, the percentage of glass containers reused started at 50%, while the figure for paper and cardboard recycled was 65%. In 1990, after fluctuating, the rate of paper and cardboard still stood at 65%, by contrast, the proportion of reused glass containers steadily fell to 40%. in the period from 1990 to 2010, after reaching a peak at 80% in 1994, the rate of recycled paper and cardboard gradually dropped to 70% in 2010, whereas the number for glass containers significantly increased to 50% after a decade.  
  
In 1986, this was starting point period that aluminium cans which were recycle in that county, the percentage of this reused material was below 10% and this figure rocketed to more than 40% in 24 years. In 1990, the rate of recycled plastics was 3% and after tow decades, this number slowly climbed to approximately 10% in 2010.  
  
*Thank you and help me to review my report, please give me score!!!*  
  
*
Hi @teephan226 there are several suggestion for you to make your essay more powerfull:  
1. It is good that in overview you have mention the general trend of each feature, but to boost your score highly, you may mention the most remarkable feature as addition information. This is important that you have to depict the differences, but still in general state.  
  
2. Pay attention on your word choosen, to state the start point, you may use "stood at"  
-------> In 1982, the percentage of glass containers reused ~~started at~~ **stood at** 50%,  
  
3. Learn more about linking verb using, so your essay will more cohesive and coherence. Moreover, I observe that almost in your first sentence you mention "In (Year)", it is not false, but it better to using sentence variation in order to boost your gramatical range and accuracy score.  
  
4. There several misspeling you did, such as : Cans **(can)**, figure (**figure**), tow (t**wo**)  
  
I believe that you can do your best in your next writing!
QUESTION: **Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening and what the measures can be taken to tackle this problem?**  
  
## an effective solution for very important issue

  
  
Criminalism still exist in almost countries in the world. In contrast, if a country established a well-standard sentence, it might happen. It is no doubt that many crime agents commit more crime after got the first sentence. I personally convince that this notion and claimed had caused by the lack of sentence standard. Hence, improving the punishment of quality can deter this problem.  
  
The lack of standard in prison tend to generated resistant villain - a crime agent does not afraid of punishment so result in offender again. According to some news that I read, they had a resistant to prison because it preserving an enjoyed there. As a result, they did not feel some punishments, after got the punishment they will come to natural behavior. Taking my friend, Mr. Swandy who was a robber wallet as an example. He reveals to me after he caught, a prison is a comfortable place, everything basic necessary was preserving there. In fact, after got the sentence over 2 weeks, he robbers a laptop again.  
  
Improving and adding punishment quality is the best way to tackle the problem. Reliance on the evidence, a significant effect of deterring this problem is enhancing sentence. In term of pretty crime, many countries give equal with the heavy of crime. Imprison offender during 3 months is common punishment for petty crime such robber. Hence, a national government might create or increase the punishment standard make longer stay in the prison and create a physic punishment like cut off man's hand as punishment for stealing - a sentence already had established in the kingdom of Arab Saudi, effective to reduce robbing cases.  
  
All in all, reliance on the evidence, the lack of sentence standard will trigger or made a resistance characteristic to an offender committed the crime. On the other hand, Improving and adding punishment estimate an effective solution that carried out by the government.
***Hi Restu**, I have read your essay closely and a few problems in yours.  
As we see, you presented an introductory sentence. However, you created the sentence with a clear grammar error. If you wanna get a high score, you are supposed to impress reviewers in the first sentence. You made the basic grammar mistake, verb agreement. Please, double check your sentences to reduce your mistakes so that you accustom.  
  
For your body first paragraph, on condition that I read this, I feel that that is not completed because you close your paragraph with an example. You should restate your opinion to strengthen your paragraph. It seemed the odd sentence because the reviewers have difficulty to get the point of the example given. In the second body paragraph, your flow is so messy. The reviewers will get confused because you explained your idea unsystematically. After that, you should harness proper linking words as well as possible so that you can guide the reviewer understand your essay.  
  
Last, to make a conclusion, you restate your thesis statement in the last paragraph. Following this, you can add suggestions to complete your conclusion paragraph. Keep in your mind that the good paragraph has at least three sentences.  
  
Hopefully, those can help you for finalizing this essay*
**Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?**  
  
The punishment is given to the law breakers to give them deterrent effect. Unfortunately, there are many crime cases which ex-prisoners do their crime again. The main reason why this trend can occur is related about the inadequate prison system. Repairing prison system is effective way to tackle such problem.  
  
The predominant reason why crime agents commit their crime more is the treatment they get during punishing is useful. They are put in the same person in the prison. Eventually, during the punishment phase, their environment leads them to maintain their mind without any exchanges ideas and information and causes them to have worse behavior. They will lack of skill so that after serving a sentence, they tend to be ignore in the society and lack of job. They will need for money for their life and it will encourage them for doing the crime again.  
  
To solve the given problem above, the proposed effective solution is giving rehabilitation program during serving prison. The rehabilitation program means that the criminal agents are given skill as a preparation before exempt to the public. If they have skill, they will easily get job. Taking Indonesian National Narcotic Agency program as instance, it has rehabilitation program which exercise their suspects with some skills. So that, after pass the program, they have positive skill and it brings them for getting job and far from the previous crime.  
  
To sum up, it is true that first punishment for law breakers is not effective enough for giving shock therapy for them. However, for solving such problem, the government has to take a strategy for improving their skill and mind to make the better. If the government fail in tackling this problem, the crime will be more and more increase.
@agus\_mono  
Your essay manage is going with well. Explaining data is solid.  
I thought the idea should be described with a strong claim also may you adding some examples or make a comparison (the second paragraph).  
  
I suggest you make it into emphasizing to show that it is very important used by putting it the first sentence.  
The proposed effective solution is giving rehabilitation program during serving prison.  
Rehabilitation program during serving prison is the proposed effective solution.
Below is my revised and recommended various of your essay, I rectified some grammatical mistakes and make a few changes.  
Overall the problem is the accuracy, word choice and grammar. Also, if the conclusion can also sum up the reason stated in the 2nd paragraph then it would be better.  
  
The punishment is given to the law breakers to give them deterrent effect. Unfortunately, there are many crime cases which ex-prisoners continue to commit crimes again. The main reason of this is related to the inadequate prison system. Repairing the prison system is an effective way to tackle such problem.  
  
The predominant reason of why crime offenders commit their crime more is the treatment they get during punishing isn't useful at all. They are put in the same person in the prison. Eventually, during the punishment phase, the environment that they are in without any exchange of righteous ideas and information causes them to remain having the same mindset. They will then still be lacking of practical skills to survive in workplace so that after serving a sentence, they tend to be ignored in the society and unable to find any jobs. In desperate need of money to make ends meet, they can do nothing but resort to crime.  
  
To eliminate the problem above, rehabilitation program during prison should be an effective solution. The rehabilitation program means that the criminal are given lectures on practical skills as a preparation before exempting to the public. If they have the necessary survival skills, they will be able to get a job easily. For instance, the Indonesian National Narcotic Agency program is a rehabilitation program which provides their subjects with some skills. As a result, after passing the program, the subjects can get to apply those skills acquired for getting jobs in society and would not go astray.  
  
To sum up, it is true that the first punishment for law breakers is not effective enough for giving shock therapy for them. However, for solving such problem, the government has to be strategic for improving their practical skills. If the government fails in tackling this worrying problem, re-committing crimes will be more and more prevalent.