dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hai @mem77, these are suggestion for your writing  
  
Based on this article (you can mention the title of article)  
  
there ~~is~~are two ways that dark chocolate ~~protective~~can protect human body against heart disease. (Protective is adjective, there is no verb in the sentence)  
  
The first one is that it restores flexibility ~~to stiffening arteries~~of the arteries from stiffening  
  
it has an organic compound called flavanol which is good for humans' heart.
hello, this is my correction for you.  
  
... >> Most of people think that chocolate brings a lot of diseases because it contains has too much fat.  
  
... >> However, researcher discovered that chocolate, especially dark chocolate, is good for human's heart  
  
Based on this article, there ~~is~~ two ways that ...  
... from sticking to the ~~insides~~ of blood vessel walls. >> Based on this article, there are two ways that ...  
... from sticking to the inside of blood vessel walls.  
  
... eat dark chocolate are ~~healthier~~ than others.  
... which good for ~~humans'~~ heart >> ... dark chocolate are more healthy than others.  
... flavanol which good for human's heart  
  
thanks
The inquiry of determining whether there was crime acted by Brad Pitt towards his own son remained clear without any charges. The Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services tried to seek the truth regarding this case, which occurred to his child during the flight in mid-September and found non-guilty evidences. However, this momentum used by his wife, Angelina Jolie, to condemn this issue to seek sole custody of her children. In responses towards her action, the court agreed with Pitt to make it joint custody rather than single childcare right. Even though the regulation to conduct joint custody has not published yet by the court, the process will remain unpredictable
AlohaFadil, here is my thought;  
  
(1) your summary is too short, just four sentences. Therefore, you'd better make it longer between 150 and 250 words  
(2) you have two subjects in a sentence e.g.~~The inquiry of determining whether~~and~~there~~ was crime [...] just choose onethe inquiry or there  
  
(3) However, this momentum was used by his wife, [...]
... there was crime WAS (PASSIVE VOICE S+BE+V3 ) acted by Brad Pitt ... ( CONFUSING SENTENCE AND THERE IS NO VERB, I THINK THAT WILL BETTER IF YOUR SENTENCE IS SIMPLE)  
  
The Los Angeles CountR y Department of (...) Service~~s~~ tried to seek (...) which (S+V) occurred to his child ...  
  
However, this moment~~um~~IS used by his (...), to condemn this issueto seek sole custody of her children ( S+ V AGREEMENT).
**How to grow fresh air**  
  
Kamal Meattle was sentenced by his private doctor that his lung capacity decreased almost 70%, the doctor asked him to avoid inhaling polluted air unless it will weaken his body. In order to overcome such problem, he adopted NASA's concept, put three kinds of the plant which can clean the air around him. Those plants are Areca Palm, Mother in-law's Tounge and Money Plant. Areca Plam is capable of removing C02 and then change it to be oxygen, the plant is usually located in outdoor. While Mother in-law's Tounge has the same effect but this cleans C02 indoor. Afterward, Money plant will absorb all chemical materials which are available around. This method affected not only for his health but also reduce the pollution impacted by building housing and buildings. People just need to put the plants inside the room and they will produce fresh air every day. This activity is crucial since it is projected that almost 60% of world population will live in the building and there will be a proliferation of constructing new facilities to meet residence's need.  
  
Source: ted
@Abrahamlincoln  
  
Dear Lincoln, put these points into consideration:  
  
1- "decreased by almost 70 %". "by" follows "decrease" when the figure is in percentage. As for numbers we use "to" : " decreased to 9 bottle per hour "  
  
2- "avoid inhaling polluted air unless it will weaken his body". Probably, you meant to use "or else". " unless" does not make sense in this sentence.  
  
3- over come such a problem. "such problems" vs "such a problem"  
4-"removing C02 and then change it to be oxygen". Replace "change" with "turn". "removing C02 and then turn it into oxygen"
No one will realize why a North America woodpecker's feathers are changing its color from yellow to red. However, there were some ornithologists have noticed some bird's yellow feathers have strangely turned red. They thought the birds have bred with another member, such as the red northern birds which is lives in the West, but then they figured out that the red birds are thousands of miles away from these eastern North America woodpeckers.  
  
According to new research published in The Auk, the observation has given a result that 'you are what you eat' has proven unexpected true. The answer why it turns out to be red, because of its diet. The birds is eating red berries which can turn their feathers having a dark deep red color. The changing color into yellow, orange, or red hues is common in bird's feathers which actually come from the food they eat that produce some pigments.
Andika, this is an acceptable summary at this point. I believe that you could have created an almost perfect summary if you had omitted the first sentence in this summary statement. Sticking to the opening from the point where you speak of the Orinthologists would have immediately called the attention of the reader to the information offered within the original article. The first sentence, which was meant to act as the hook did not work very well because there was no proper set up for the statement sentence. Before that topic sentence was placed, you should have placed a simple narrative sentence that would have implied that people were wondering about why the bird's feathers were changing color in the first place. A general observation of sorts would have sufficed prior to the presentation of the information that people could not figure out why that was happening. By the way, next time, kindly post a link to the original article for our reference during the review of your essay. Thanks.
I will appreciate any kind of recommondation in order to improve my writing.  
  
**Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?**  
  
The rising livels of violence is one of the major problems in today's society. many believe that the violence we observe on TV and in computer games is an essential part of the problem, while others argue that there are not enough evidences supporting this theory. In my opinion, nowadays the bound between the real and virtual world is too small and we tend to transfer the aggression we observe in front of our screens into the real world.  
  
First, for most of us is difficult to remember the last movie, which does not consisted at least one violent scene. It is not an easy task to remain cold-blooded and restrained, when you are surrounded by so many aggression and violence. Moreover, it is scientifially proven that people tend to transfer what they see in the virtual world into their own lives. So, it is not a suprise why so many kids and adults become more aggressive after watching their favourite movies or serials.  
  
It is well-known fact, that the play of computer games is the most popular leisure activity across the teenagers. In addition to this, the combat and shooting games are the most played one's and with the amount of violence, which they contain, it is not a secret why many children nowadays more aggressive than the children in the previous generations. Unfortunately, a huge percetage of these gamers transfer this aggressive approach in their schools and homes and as we all know the violence begets more violence.  
  
At the end of the day, i think that if we want to tackle the problem with the rising levels of violence and create new, safer environment for the future generations, we should to educate our kids what is good and what is dangerous for their future. We need to explain that the aggressive attitude threatens not only their future, but the future and the goodwill of the people the value and love.
**Hi Ivan..  
These are my thoughts towards your essay. Please, you check them>**  
  
The rising ~~livels~~ LEVELS*(Be careful of misspelling)*  
... world is too small ~~and~~ SO THAT*(harness appropriate conjuntions to make a flow better)* we tend to transfer  
  
First, for most of us is difficult to [...] many aggression and violence  
*Could you make it simpler..?? I knew what you mean. You wanna explain people are likely to remember something negative, especially the violence. However, you make your sentences difficult to be understood. I must pause to get the point of your essay. Keep in your mind that you communicate with readers in this essay, not to impress them.*  
  
it is scientifially proven that people tend to transfer what they see ...  
*You mentioned that there is a scientific fact. You are supposed to review contents of the research briefly to strengthen what you write. If you do not, it will seem as layman's opinion.*  
  
At the end of the day  
*I know you wanna make the examiner impressive with your vocabulary. However, for the element people have known like the into words of conclusion, I suggest you harness general words such as (In conclusion, to conclude, to sum up). Make it clear that is the conclusion paragraph.*  
  
i think that if we want to tackle the problem with the rising levels of violence and create new, safer environment for the future generations,  
*Why did you explain new substances in the conclusion? The conclusion is linear with the thesis statement. Well, you can give suggestions after you write paraphrasing your thesis statement.*
**All students should be required to study art and music in secondary school. - TOEFL Essay**  
  
In my opinion it would be a great thing for all students to have the chance to study arts and music in secondary school. In school I've done both and I can tell that they have helped me achieve a lot. Even though many students would like to only study inartistic subjects at school, there are several reasons why I support the contrary.  
  
First, during these lessons students have the chance to express themselves. Some of the students may think they have no talents, but this way they can find out more about themselves and develop skills they never could think of. For example, the music classes made me fall in love with the guitar which I could have never imagined I could play in a near future.  
  
Second, music and art help you have another perception of the world. Both of them develop your patience and help you see the world more colorfully while eliminating boredom. I could take myself for instance again because I'm a painter and art has helped me become more optimistic and always think positively. I see art as a filter which helps me see the world more vividly.  
  
Third, these classes could be a good chance to create new relations. You can be part of a painting club or a band and enjoy the time that you spend with friends with the same interest but diverse viewpoints. For example, In middle school I was part of the painting club and now in high school I'm part of its band where I play electric guitar. Consequently, this has helped me make a lot of new friends and become more outgoing.  
  
To sum up, art and music are a world where everybody could fit in. They help you in many aspects of life so if you study them in secondary school they could really have an impact on you. Moreover, spending your time with useful things like them would be more effective than playing video games at home.
Erlisa, next time you post an essay for review, please make sure that you include the full prompt that you are responding to. We need the prompt instructions so that we can assess your essay for responsiveness and coherency. The prompt itself at the moment gives a personal opinion alone and I am not quite sure if only the personal opinion should be reflected in the paper.  
  
That small situation aside though, the essay takes its strength in being delivered based upon your personal experiences. Whenever possible, it helps the essay score when such points of view are used because it shows a clear understanding of the prompt. It increases the chances of your scoring higher in the Task Achievement portion when the essay stays on topic and provides all the prompt requirements. I believe that you would have scored well on this prompt as a practice test based upon what you have written, with deductions in place for certain shortcomings which, at the moment, I cannot ascertain due to the lack of the prompt so I cannot tell you the specific problems areas to concentrate on improving.
@Holt  
I truly agree with what you mentioned and I apologize for the lack of clarification. To be honest it's my first time posting in this site so I just thought of making a try.  
  
However, thank you very much for your advice and evaluation.  
The full prompt goes like this: *Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? All students should be required to study art and music in secondary school. Use specific reasons to support your answer.*  
  
It's a task my English teacher gave me to prepare for the TOEFL.  
It just asks for specific examples so I thought of sharing my own personal experience to make it more reliable.
**Summarize article : Huge Lake Discovered 15 Kilometres Under a Volcano**  
  
There is an interesting fact about a huge reservoir of water that was found inside the Volcano in Andes, Bolivia. Besides it can be a new landscape on Earth, it can help scienticts to understand how such eruption are probable to be happened. It is also contain an important part of formation from continental crust as the water circulates in the interior. In one hand, there was an anomaly in 15 kilometres beneath the current dormant Uturuncu Volcano that had been founded by John and his friends from University of Bristol, UK. The anomaly is called as Altiplano-Puna which the magma body causes some effects, such as make the movement of seismic slow down also it can conduct electricity. Furthermore, Blundy's team try to make experiment by using varying amount of water that include pressure and temperature, such as in the real nature. Afterwards, they found a particular water that content electrical conductivity which related to the anomaly. By this experiment, they get a result as water is one of the volatile compounds that dissolve with magma in low pressure to cause volcanic eruptions.
Andika, the essay seems to be better developed than your other attempt today. I wish that you had added the url for the original article so that I could have double checked your information against the original source. The sentence development is inconsistent but does not detract from the information that you are trying to deliver. It contains enough information to educate the viewer regarding the long form of the article. You have managed to deliver a clear idea as to the important information from the original, as far as I can tell. I cannot find out if you have omitted any important information by mistake because I cannot read the original article. So far though, I would have to say that you did an acceptable job on this essay. It shows that your English comprehension abilities are good enough to help you understand the English articles you will be reading in the future.
In this TED video, the speaker name is Hector A. Garcia. He is a psychologist who has spent his career for delivering evidence-based psychotherapies to veterans with posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). He works at the Valley Coastal Bend Veterans Health Care System and a clinical assistant professor in the Department of Psychiatry at UT Health San Antonio. During his speech, he shares about his experiences to take care of PTSD, identify the impact of this disease and also how to treat veterans who get this problem. As a scientist, he makes an exploration about the evolutionary of psychology and biology have influenced human toward PTSD. One of method to heal this problem is that doing the same training principles that the military uses in preparing its trainees for war. It is because in United States, the military have trained their army for war, not for coming to their home. Thus, when the army is back from the conflict areas to their hometown, their way of mentality think that they live in a dangerous environment. Another way of ending human suffering caused by war is to never go to war, but it is very hard to happen.
Hi Edho,  
Here's my analysis towards your report summary of TED Talks.  
  
- In this TED video, ~~the speaker name is~~ Hector A. Garcia gives a speech about ... (combining these two sentences would be better I guess.)  
- ... to veterans with post-traumatic (dash is needed) stress disorder (PTSD).  
- During his speech, he shares ~~about~~(about is inappropriate collocation for the word "share". It is better to omit preposition.) his experiences to take care of PTSD, identifies~~identify~~ the impact of this disease, and also finds out how to treat veterans who ~~get~~got this problem.  
  
- ... of psychology and biology that~~have influenced~~influence human ~~toward~~through PTSD.  
-One of the method to ~~heal~~solve this problem is ~~that~~by doing the same (...) in preparing its ~~trainees~~soldiers for war.  
- It is because ~~in United States,~~ the military have trained their ~~army~~armies for war...  
- Thus, when the army ~~is~~ back from the (...), their way of ~~mentality think~~thinkingmake them think that they still live in a dangerous environment.  
  
- Another way of ending human suffering that is caused by war is to never go to war, but ~~it is very hard to happen~~this is nearly impossible.  
  
Hope this helps :)
Nowadays, most of children have spent their time to study. The reason for this is that they want to get better grade in their school or university for a great value from the environment. According to this article, all of scholars in United States have taken some classes during summer holiday and they cannot feel about day off. However, this condition especially happens for the first year learners because they want to survive in college-life and also to get the A-grade. As a result, most of them are getting stressful every day in daily life. According to Associated Press researcher in 2009 found that about eight out of ten a third level education scholar felt stress daily. Furthermore, there are some methods for students to maintain their stress. According to Deborah Rozman, a Ph.D. and CEO of HeartMath, by creating a loving feeling, people can significantly reduce their stress. Another way to help this problem is that students have to get more time for resting. A study by University of California and Stanford in 2006 discovered that with a more sleep, learners can make a better perform on their brain function. Finally, I suggest that all of students have taken more time for themselves to get better quality in their education.  
  
readitenglish
hello edho  
it is a good summary  
I have a few suggestions for you  
hope it helps  
  
Nowadays, most ~~of~~ children have spent ...  
  
The reason for this is ~~that~~ they want to get a better grade in their ...  
  
According to this article, all of the scholars in the United States have (...) cannot feel about the day off.  
  
... eight out of ten of a third level education  
  
... for students to ~~maintain~~cure their stress.  
  
... people can ~~significantly reduce~~be reduced significantly their stress.  
  
Another way to ~~help~~solve this problem is ~~that~~ students have to ...  
  
thanks
Firstly, children should be allowed to watch only a limited number of programs on the TV because they are more emotionally vulnerable than adults. Today, most of the programs are filled with violence that can bear negative effects on kids and it is the parents' responsibility to safeguard children from these programs. One effective way is to limit the amount of time children spend on TV and allocate it only to certain programs. A study conducted by MIT University revealed that at least eighty-five percent of programs broadcasted by TV has violence in them. This clearly indicates the paramount role of parents in putting some limits on children's TV watch hour.  
  
Secondly, physical well-being is another equally important gamut that can be jeopardized by the TV. In the contemporary era, we are suffering a great deal of (+ not plurar)(a lot of or plenty of) diseases correlated with obesity. One of the major sources of accumulation of excessive fat in our body is the result of prolonged hours of sitting in front of TV. This results in children obesity very fast which in turn will threaten their well-being when they grow up. My country's health care system's statistics is a good indication of this menacing trend. In my country, during last twenty years, the average amount of time spent on TV programs has escalated by nine times, at the same time, the average national weight has increased by five times which clearly depicts a tight relation between the amount of time spent on TV programs and obesity. Therefore, it is imperative for parents to restrict children to a certain amount of time for watching TV programs in order to protect their health condition.
@sinahector  
Hello Sinahector, regarding your writing, you are asked to discuss the content on television should be restricted from children. I suggest you include both good and bad about it, then approach it from your perspective. Other than that, your opinion towards the need to restrict television from children is strong and powerful. There are also few grammar error and awkward sentence structure in your writing, I will point some examples out for you! This is a nice piece of work sinahector. Looking forward to review more of your writing!  
  
Today, most of the programs are filled with violence that can bear negative effects on kids and it is the parents' responsibility to safeguard children from these programs.  
  
*In today's television programs, it contents many violent programs that may have negative impact on young ones.*  
  
This clearly indicates the paramount role of parents in putting some limits on children's TV watch hour.  
*In evident that the significent role of parents in limiting children's hour spend on television*  
  
**I accident posted the first one before finish :P sorry**
The article from newscientist.com had revealed the food made from methane by a biotechnology company in UK. The most refreshment we have eaten was made by plants as a result from their photosynthesis process just a few months or year before we ate it. A biotechnology company namely Calysta, is set to announce the factory that uses microbes to turn natural gas, methane, into a high-protein food for the animals that human eat. In the European Union, the methane-made food has already been approved for feeding to farmed fish and livestock such as pigs. Now, there is a question that is it goo turning fossil fuels into food for livestock. That depends on what people think is more important when it comes to protecting environment. The process would reduce the demand for land to grow food for livestock if it done on a large scale. However, it would also increase emission of carbon dioxide. Calysta is using a bacterium called *Methylococcus capsulatus*. This bacteria are grown in vats, fed methane, and are then dried and turned into pellets. However, when methane is used for a food, then more CO2 are released into the atmosphere. This carbon emission could be reduced by using methane from a renewable source such as biogas, not from a fossil fuel.  
  
Source : newscientist
Hi  
The article from newscientist.com ~~had~~ revealed (discussed, explained that)  
~~was~~ is made by plants  
as a result ~~from~~ of  
we ~~ate~~ eat them  
is it good to turn~~ing~~ fossil fuels into food  
if it is done on a large scale  
This bacteria ~~are~~ grows (is grown)  
hen more CO2 ~~are~~ is released into the atmospher