dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## public transport optimization

  
  
**In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Other believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport.  
  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.**  
  
Regarding the discussion of the money should be spent on establishing the new high speed rail train or making the existing public transport better, there are few pros and cons on the both sides. From my point of view, I support to build the new train system.  
  
Following the growing population and globalizing world, the transportation plays a significant role to address the trend. The new high speed rail system is the key way to solve the increasing demand, as well as to improve the existing shortage of current transportation.  
  
For instance, in my hometown Taiwan, we did have various transports, like train, buses and MRT and so on. After we constructed the high speed rail train, it provides one more supply of transports and helps the different group of travellers, businessmen and citizens to have more choices and save more times.  
  
In conclusion, it is necessary to keep optimize the existing public transport which I believe is a long term plan. However, the fastest and the most efficient way is to construct the high speed rail train beforehand.
Ying, you only wrote 179 words in an essay that requires a minimum of 250 words. By not writing the required minimum number of words, you will automatically fail the test. You cannot be accurately judged on the scoring tasks because you have not written enough in the essay to allow the examiner to review your actual English skills in the 4 categories for scoring. All of your paragraphs are composed of only 2 sentences when the minimum requirement is 3 with a maximum of 5 sentences per paragraph. From the way I read your existing essay, none of the paragraphs are amply developed and as such, do not completely present a proper opinion or train of thought. You also failed to discuss the essay in the required manner which is a discussion of each point of view as presented in the original prompt and then a discussion of your personal point of view towards the end of the essay. The 2 points of view plus your opinion should have been discussed in the 3 body paragraphs which would have helped to create the expected 5 paragraph format for this essay. Therefore, this essay cannot pass the test. Since you are already here at the forum, I suggest that you read similar discussions regarding this prompt requirement so that you can get a better idea as to how to present this discussion and also learn from the mistakes of others.
*Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on individuals & Society. To what extent do you agree?*  
  
## the consequences of using social networking sites

  
  
In the tech-savvy era, it is an irrefutable fact that sites like Facebook, Twitter etcetera have impacted the society and people within it in a negative way. In fact, this phenomenon takes place without the people knowing it. Therefore, I completely agree with the statement above claiming that social networking sites have had a detrimental impact on the society and its people for two reasons: a detached society and obesity.  
  
To commence with, such sites have encouraged people to socialize much less with individuals around them compared to the past where people used to interact with one another face to face. This has resulted in the society being less close and intimate. By way of illustration, most of the individual people on the train prefer to communicate with other people through their phones rather than face to face.  
  
Furthermore, excessive and inappropriate use of social networking sites by many people, especially schoolgoing children, promotes the development of obesity which can result in death in certain cases. This is understandable, because they are not required to go out with their friends or acquaintances to satisfy their social needs; they can always sit at home and interact with their peers online. For instance, according to the latest study at the University of Sydney, an increasing number of people develop obesity and this can be attributed to excess social networking sites usage.  
  
Having discussed the fatal consequences of using social networking sites, it can be concluded that these sites indeed have had a devastating impact on the human beings and their society. It can result in a detached society where no one talks to one another and obesity. Consequently, I strongly agree with the statement regarding how social networking sites have given rise to negative impacts on our society and individuals.
Hi guy,  
I think your essay is great, providing me with useful vocabulary and expression.  
But:  
- I think your introduction is overlength, which may make you lack of time to write the bodies when you're sitting for the IELTS test. For me, the sentence "In fact, this phenomenon takes place ..." is not really necessary.  
  
- Several words you used is redundant: "Individual people" -> "individuals" is OK. Several sentences you used can be shortened: "such sites have encouraged people to ..." -> "lack of interactions, compared with the past seems to be the major negative impact of such sites".  
  
- I think your second main idea is not wide enough. As a pharmacy student, I have some information about this and I knew that obesity is only one specific consequence. I recommend you to rewrite this body, using the information about "sedentary lifestyle", leading to many severe health consequences, such as obesity, diabetes, or metabolism disorder.
Hello @PeterBrown. Contemplating the essay I sense, you have had a little or no time left in the 20 minute period sanctioned for an IELTS task and therefore assume the lack of thorough revaluation on your part. But however I recognize the effort put into the article and I appreciate that. There only are two complications that limit this essay from its full potential.  
  
1. You are trying too hard to seem scholarly. Keep it simple Normal vocab never hurt anyone. Being a sesquipedalian does not help in IELTS  
2. Use didactic format.  
  
God speed.
**Topic:  
In many city, the population is increasing. Some say that the urbanization process denies us knowing our neighbors, and this causes a loss of community sense. What is the main problem with this? What measures can be taken to overcome this?**  
  
## coherent measures necessary

  
  
Essay:  
Many people believe that the growth of population sizes in many metropolises has attributed to the disappearance of social coherency from our community. This essay will let us take a more detailed look at the problem and suggest some feasible solutions.  
  
To begin with, there are some plausible explanations that appear to justify leaving community spirit in ruins. Firstly, the exponential development in almost technological aspects has brought enormous influences on the lifestyle section of human being. For instance, thanks to the advance of computer science and wireless internet connection, many people are able to cultivate constantly skills, latest knowledge as well as forge an online "virtual bond" as easy as falling off a log. As a result, they would feel deprived of leisure pursuits and fail to communicate with surrounding neighbors outside. Secondly, urban development has been leading the increase of violent and criminal behaviors among the public like mugging, robbery, vagrancy and so on which are considered as major culprits for driving people to keep a wary eye on strangers due to their constant fear of being harmed, deceived and tricked.  
  
In an attempt to prevent this problem from becoming aggravated, effective strategies should be implemented to boost community sense and help people live in social harmony together. Firstly, municipal authorities in residential areas play an important role to set up propaganda campaigns which are stimulating citizens to step out from their private zones into communal areas and get started to get acquainted with other people. Secondly, social crime prevention, is a critical approach by the security governance boards, should be strengthened and introduced widely to the public so that they can feel secure and safe to participate social gatherings and occasions, plus, eradicate a sense of alienation of our generation.  
  
In conclusion, it is not waving a magic wand that this problem can be dealt with. It is time individuals and government came up with coherent measures to create an open-minded world where people can exchange courtesies of sharing values, ideologies and ideas pleasantly.  
  
(337 words)
Trang, The aim of the IELTS Task 2 essay is not to impress the examiner with your knowledge of English words, which by the way, you are not using properly in this essay but are only saying the words in the hopes of impressing the examiner. The aim of the essay is to prove that you have the ability to think logically in English and also, write coherently in the same language. Coherence means that the person reading your essay can understand what you have to say in one quick pass of the paragraphs you have written. The highest achievement you can have with your Task 2 essay is to have the reader process your essay without any "stressful" encounters with your sentences and paragraphs.  
  
When writing the Task 2 essay, the best thing to remember is to "KISS" it. Keep It Short Silly !" Stay within the 250 word minimum requirement, use short sentences that actually say something without being as verbose as you are now ( most of your sentences will fail in terms of coherence and cohesiveness because of it), and focus on simply explaining yourself efficiently in each paragraph. Don't fall below the 3 sentence minimum, but don't go over the 5 sentence maximum per paragraph either. Always produce 5 paragraphs composed of the following:  
  
1. Introduction  
2. Body 1  
3. Body 2  
4. Body 3  
5. Concluding summary  
  
Bear in mind that the opening statement and the concluding summary are used to score you on your task accuracy skills. When you do not properly restate the prompt based on information presented, when you are so concentrated on focusing on your lexical resource skills, that you forget to focus on the discussion itself, as you were prone to in this essay, then you ultimately fail the test. I cannot stress the following enough because this is the most common problem with the Task 2 essay test takers:  
  
1. Do not discuss more than one idea per paragraph in order to avoid under developed, little explained, and run-on sentences for which major points are deducted in relevant criteria considerations;  
  
2. Always summarize the concluding paragraph using aforementioned information, a prompt restatement, and other data worth summarizing within 5 sentences. Do not go all wordy in the paragraph, presenting new and additional information. That leaves your essay without a conclusion and rather, creates an open ended presentation of the discussion for which points will also be deducted.
**It is generally believed that the internet is an excellent means of communication but some people suggest that it may not be the best place to find information.  
  
Discuss both these views and give your opinion.**  
  
## the global network as the main source of information

  
  
While some people believe that interconnected network is an outstanding communication platform, others argue that finding information through that is not a good idea. Both perspectives are elaborated in this essay.  
  
Proponents state that the internet is a great communication media due to its availability at any point of the globe. By utilizing this platform, people can socialize with their families, relatives, acquaintances, and even strangers without time and space restrictions. For example, scientists from several different countries can collaborate to conduct a research easily by corresponding through email. Besides, old friends separated by continents can still maintain their relationship by using several kinds of social media, such as Facebook, line, and so forth. These virtues ease people to socialize each other.  
  
On the other hand, the internet is not the best tool to find references as the validity and authorization of information in it cannot be guaranteed. This is because everyone can compose and publish everything they want regardless they master it or not. For instance, people without health educational background can suggest a medicine for addressing a disease just based on their experience without a further proofread by an expert. Eventually, such ineligible post is feasible to mislead readers. In addition, there is not a special authority checking the plagiarism of information stored. To illustrate, an irresponsible blogger can duplicate shared knowledge and reposts it directly ignoring to courtesy of an actual source. This action is obviously a violation of copyright.  
  
To sum up, although internet eases people to communicate, its truth and authority cannot be directly accepted. Accordingly, it is imperative to the government to build an institution which focuses on filtering knowledge and its authenticating.
Ulfa, you are making the same mistakes as you did in your previous essays in this essay discussion. In fact, your mistakes even have an addition this time around because you forgot to discuss your personal opinion as instructed by the original prompt statement. Remember how I had previously told you that you need to learn how to analyze the original prompt in order to figure out what sorts of discussions belong in the 3 body of paragraphs? This essay also outlined the discussion pattern for your already but you failed to recognize it. The 3 body paragraphs for this essay should have reflected:  
  
1. Opposing statement explanation  
2. Supporting statement explanation  
3. Personal opinion  
  
The 3 paragraphs for discussion plus the opening and closing statement would have resulted in the standard and required 5 paragraph essay presentation. You also need to remember that you are allowed only a minimum of 3, maximum of 5 sentences per paragraph. Your paragraphs are inconsistent with the requirements as they contain overly long paragraphs or run-on sentences. You know how to fix these problems, I have told you enough times about how to do it in your previous essays. Please apply what I am advising you otherwise you will not be showing improvement and you may risk not passing the test because of it.  
  
Since you did not completely discuss the tasks, you will scored on a tangential basis and most likely, based upon all of the errors in this paper, will keep you from reaching a passing score.
Hi, few of my suggestions  
  
1. social media, such as Facebook, "L"ine and so forth. (Line should be using capital as it is proper noun）  
  
2."virtues" means the behaviour showing high moral standards which I think is not so fit to the description. (probably "benefits", "advantages" is better)  
  
Overall, I think it's lacking of few more personal opinions. However, I like your article which is using distinguished vocabularies and structural paragraph.
**Some observers say that police officers should be recruited from the communities where they work so that this is unnecessary or even undesirable. Where do you stand on this debate? Is local knowledge essential in modern policing?**  
  
## police officers from the local community

  
  
Experts believe that a servant recruited for a police officer should be a homegrown person. I agree with this statement because, in my opinion, local knowledge is important to run this occupation.  
  
Natives should be prioritized to handle police jobs since they understand well about problems in their area. As we know generally, each district has different issues. In some cities, robbery may be the biggest problem, while in the others the issues of murdering could be more popular. In this case, capable people recognizing in depth that problem are local societies because they have been living for a long duration in that place and have much time to observe. In addition, local officers recognizing many residents and places may be easy to gain information as a strong evidence for a case.  
  
Moreover, an indigenous person is qualified to serve a community as they know about the language and custom there. This fact will obviously make people more convenient to socialize with officers. For instance, in South Sulawesi province, Indonesia, many elderly people cannot communicate by using Indonesian. However, they can console using their mother language which is able to be understood by officers on condition that they are local residents. Besides, local residents know how to treat community appropriately as every region has its own politeness standards. For example, in some districts, it is not the good manner to offer a document by using the left hand.  
  
To sum up, the local community should be selected as police officers since they have adequate knowledge about the problem and tradition where they are working.
Ulfa, you need to understand something important about the opening statement. This is always presented as a paraphrase of the original prompt and as such, you cannot be seen using the same words from the original paragraph with only a small change made to it. Your second sentence is almost an exact copy and paste of the original. In order to appropriately meet the paraphrasing requirements, the presentation should be similar to the following:  
  
*There is a growing perception that law enforcement officials should be hired based upon the neighborhood that they come from. While people tend to deliberate regarding this discussion, I believe that this is a good idea. Police who come from their home neighborhoods tend to have local knowledge that prove to be valuable in the performance of their duties. I will discuss some of these reasons in this essay.*  
  
As you can see from the example above, I provided a restatement of the prompt based upon my own understanding of the topic provided and the discussion instructions. These sentences prove that I understood the requirements for the essay presentation because I was able to deliver a clear understanding and explanation of the prompt in my own words. The opening statement will prove your English understanding and explanation skills. So you have to make sure to present it in a highly different manner from the original that still retains the original information provided.  
  
Please improve your English vocabulary. You should make sure that the word you are using will correspond to the meaning you want to deliver. You made a mistake when you said "They can console in using their..." because the word console in this instance means, "to alleviate or lessen the grief, sorrow, or disappointment of; give solace or comfort:" Based on the definition of the word, it is obvious that your word choice was wrong. The proper presentation of the word would have been "They can take consolation in using..." Consolation in this instance meaning, "someone or something that consoles". In this case, the use of their native tongue will be the "consolation" that they need.  
  
You have formatting problems with the essay. This must always be 5 paragraphs long. Review the other essays on this site so that you will discover some tricks that can help you keep within the required formatting guidelines for maximum scoring potential.
Could you help me improve my script and make it sound more native? !  
  
## the hard decision which courses to pick

  
  
Choose to Take courses in a variety of subject areas or to focus on a single subject area  
  
Since I am still a college student, I would prefer taking courses in a variety of subject area.You know, the reason I choose it is that most us students don't know what we like or what we are interested in, so we need to learn as much as possile until finding the area relly interested in and good at.  
  
Like most people, they do jobs they don't like at all only for money or steady life, but they aren't happy.And I believe choose interest as our career would help us upgrade happiness level, so that's why I prefer taking course in variety area.  
  
Could you please help me improve my script and make it sound more native? Thanks !
Hi Stephen,  
  
I am correcting certain spelling errors and sentence formation errors I am finding.  
  
I would like to take courses in a vast variety of subject areas instead of limiting my exposure, as I am still a college student. The reason that I choose more variety of subjects, is due to the lack of knowledge in an area of interest and would like to gain to more exposure so I could narrow down to a subject subject area which I am really interested in and would like to explore further.  
  
I believe a choice a subject is advantegous when you have keen interest in it, and it further aids in you career. I have seen people be unhappy with their jobs and are only following the path due to monetary benefits for a stable life.  
  
Hope this Helps.
KevinLove, your English grammar is simple enough to warrant only a few minor corrections. You have 2 problems when it comes to your sentence construction problems. The problems are in relation to (1) time frame / tense usage and (2) connecting word issues. For example, when you use the word "variety" you are inferring that there are several items in the list. As you know, the minute you indicate more than 1 of an item, you need to use the plural reference for the subject. The correct reference would then be "variety of subject areas". Try to avoid word fillers such as "You know" because that is the first sign of non-native English speaker. A native English speaker always speaks in a direct manner, getting to the point sooner, rather than later. Since you are speaking in reference so something that has already happened (your being a college student at the moment), the appropriate action reference for "choose" should also be in the past hence "chose". Connecting words such as "and" are not used to open a new sentence because there is no prior thought or explanation to connect at that point. Connecting words are only used mid-sentence in order to connect 2 related thoughts in the presentation. Based on these advice that I have provided, you should be able to analyze the rest of your paragraphs, spot the mistakes, and correct them. Keep up with your English sentence structure exercises. You should be able to improve over time. I see the potential in your work.