dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Essay:  
*The world of work is rapidly changing and employees cannot depend on having the same job or the same working conditions for life.  
Discuss the possible causes and suggest ways to prepare people to work in the future*  
  
## labor market volatility

  
  
Working environment and the workers are changing constantly and evolving to meet the demands of modern society. This essay will discuss possible reasons for these changes and ways that people can better prepare for their future career.  
  
There are two main reasons that lead to this phenomenon. Firstly, the internet offer workers many job opportunities. Consequently, people are not financially depend on their company and having the chance to improve their living conditions. Secondly, there is an increase in the usage of modern technology in companies' daily work. Those workers, who find it difficult to learn and incorporate technology into their work, will be left behind. For example, factories have been applying modern AI technology into their process which will replace traditional workers.  
  
However, there are a number of ways that people can prepare for their future occupation. Firstly, students in high schools should be well-prepared in order to have a clear vision in life. They will less likely to get lost and change jobs constantly. To illustrate, autonomous vehicles are predicted to replace most delivery and taxi driver jobs in the very near future, so this is not a job that someone should expect to have for a very long time. Thus, people will need to be able to keep up to date with these changes.  
  
In conclusion, although there are many changes in the workplace these days, educating people to carefully choose their career and to keep up to date with modern technology, is the key to avoiding any major problems.  
  
Please give me the correction for my writing. How i could be more natural at writing task 2 ?
@Huu Nghia  
Hi, there. I would like to give you some feedbacks about your writing.🤗🤗  
  
\* Taking a closer look at your paragraph 2. The idea you mentioned about so many jobs opportunities posted on internet so it causes people don't have chance to improve their living standards?? From my perspective, I completely don't understand what is the relevant between them. As a reader, I would say that this point of view is lack of detail explanations, unclear, irrelevant and illogical.  
  
\*In your paragraph 3, you were talking about there are "a number of ways" to solve this problem. However, you just mentioned about "one" way in your paragraph 3.  
  
\* in your writing, some ideas are too general and not developed properly.  
  
Your writing task 2 structures meet the requirements. However, I would like to suggest you that spending some time on specific your ideas if you want to get a higher band score on your IELTS writing.  
  
Hope my feedbacks may help your future writing.🤗🤗
## development of the West Park school

  
  
The two maps compare the alterations of West Park secondary school that happen between 1950 and 2010.  
  
Overall, it is can be seen that there were many changes that took place at this school during this period. Some places are adapted to suit uses, some were knocked down to replace by new buildings.  
  
Take a closer look, the variation occurred in farmland, this land became the Sports field with the unchanged area in 2010. There were three houses in the top left-hand corner of the campus in 1950, they were demolished in order to use the land for building a car park and science block. Like this, in 2010, two new buildings were created, the car park took up more than half of the land in the top left-hand corner. The science block was between the car park and school.  
  
The playground was unchanged. School just became the main building in 2010.  
  
* 
*
@emme4665  
  
Hi, there. I would like to give you some feedbacks about your writing.🤗🤗  
  
The structures of your IELTS writing task 1 are clear, which contain introduction, overall and 2 paragraphs.  
However, some IELTS textbooks or teachers may advise that in writing task 1 it would be better to write 4 paragraphs, taking a closer look at your writing, it seems a little bit awkward for your paragraph 4. Frankly to say, this one sentence cannot be a paragraph. I would suggest you that you can either combine this sentence to paragraph 3 or seperate paragraph 3 into 2 paragraphs so that you can have 4 paragraphs.  
  
I would like to advise that if you do not have sufficient time to write the total 4 paragraphs, the best way is focusing on your paragraph 3 and overview. Without overview, the band score will below 5, and it's better to write a good paragraph 3 than just rush to finish 4 paragraphs.  
  
Hope my feedbacks would help your future writing!🤗🤗
Your help is really appreciated!  
  
## % of staff trained

  
  
The diagram illustrates the percentage of staff training provided from four organizations. Throughout the period from 2003 and 2006, the training staff of company A slightly increased while the others gradually rocketed.  
  
The percentage of company A stayed unchanged from 2003 to 2004 at 27 percent. Throughout the period from 2004 to 2005, the figure of this organisation started to fell sharply and then slightly increased to reach 28 percent in 2006. The percentage of staff training provided by company B rose sharply from 28 percent in 2003 to 31 percent in 2004. During a year from 2004 to 2005, the figure of this organization fell slightly from 31 percent to 25 percent. Similar to the company A, for a year from 2005 to 2006, the number in percentage of company B reach a peak at 34 percent. Between 2003 to 2005, the percentage of company C and D is opposite to each other. While the company C substantially rocketed from 25 percent to 36 percent from 2003 to 2004, the diagram shows the company D reached a low of 17 percent. Between 2005 and 2006, the percentage of staff training from company C fell dramatically from 36 percent to 31 percent. In contrast, it had a doubling in percentage from company D from 17 percent to 34 percent. Both companies' figure increased in the period from 2005 to 2006. Beside the company C has a growth to 36 percent, the other reached a peak at 35 percent.  
  
Overall, the graph highlights the growth in percentage of staff training of four companies A, B, C and D throughout 2003 to 2006.  
  
*   
*This is the diagram*
@Cuong Trinh  
you have many mistakes in your writing. I see you have 2 overview in this writing: one in the first and two in the last. I suggest you should separate your writing into 4 paragraphs:  
  
1st para: introduction  
2nd para: overview  
3rd para: body 1  
4th para: body 2  
you relay a lot of 'the percentage of company A,B,C,D' in your 2nd and 3rd paragraphs. you can replay them with 'the proportion of, the rate of'. and 'the percentage of company A'? the percentage of what??? you need to change these sentenses. you should not use 'the figure' for this writing because it is measured in percent. and 'the figure for' is only utilized for a particular number.
@Cuong Trinh  
Hi there. Welcome again to the site! I hope my feedback gives you insight on how to improve your writing. Don't hesitate to approach us and ask for more information should you have additional queries!  
  
In general, I find your writing to be a tad bit cluttered, especially because you were merging all of your analysis and interpretations into just one cluster of text. What you could have done to improve this writing would have been to incorporate a more strategic approach to writing to create a more compartmentalized approach to writing. For example, the second paragraph (that you have now) should have been sub-divided into three shorter ones to create different layers of analysis in writing as opposed to *dumping* everything in just one go.  
  
The last concluding remarks should have also been improved to. Just merely stating that there is a highlighted growth that's visibly seen throughout those three years that have passed is insufficient. Try to be more innovative with your final remarks to make everything appear a lot more structured.
Please read and give me some feedback about this paragraph-task 1 in IELTS. Thank you so much for your comments.  
  
## trends of food consumption

  
  
The given line graph illustrates the spending fish and three various types of meat in a country in Europe over a 25-year period.  
  
Overall, it is noticeable that there was a downward trend in the figures for most consumption of food, excepting chicken expenditure. The fish consumption was lowest throughout the period shown.  
  
It can be seen from the graph that in 1979, the amount of beef was consumed peaked at about 220 grams per person per week. The figure for lamb and chicken were lower, which stood at 150 grams and under 150 grams respectively. By contrast, the consumption of fish was low around 60 grams in this year.  
  
By 2004, country witnessed a decline sharply about the expenditure of beef, which about 250 grams, which reached a peak at 250 grams in 1983. In the year 2004, about 50 grams of fish was eaten, compared to 40 grams. By contrast, there was a significant growth about the consumption of chicken about 250 grams in the final year.  
  
*
@An Huynh  
Hi there. Welcome to the forum! I hope my feedback gives you insight on how to improve your writing.  
  
First and foremost, I agree with the prior comment that the last paragraph should *always* be dedicated to writing a summation or an analysis on the data presented; this shouldn't be about presenting additional information as that is not the purpose of conclusion.  
  
Rather than having information spread out like this, I heavily suggest that you work on compartmentalizing details a lot more. For instance, the second to the fourth paragraphs could all be mashed together to create something that's more substantive. This will give you ample space to discuss more on the conclusion what should be discussed here. Always remember to omit excessive language as it will not benefit you in the long-run. Try to also stick with only what is necessary when writing as this will help you trim down the total words that you're turning in.  
  
Prioritization is key when writing - bear this in mind at all times.
## Rhythm and blues

  
  
Personally , R&B , stands for Rhythm and blues , is the type of music that I adore the most . In my old days , I used to be obsessed with pop and hiphop . Back in that time , every day around my house is the effervescent electronic beat and catchy chorus .Day over day , somehow I find it quite plain , I was looking for somekind of music different , something purer , something more sophisticated . The first R&B song I heard was " I will always love you " and I fall in love with R&B at no time .  
  
First and foremost , the music satisfy my personal taste. To me , R&B is just like a beautiful rainbow diamond . The music has a diversity in materials , the beat but overall extremely fascinating .Sometimes it's soft , sometimes it's full of energy and enthusiasm.  
  
Secondly, there a huge disparity between R&B music and most of nowadays pop hiphop music . While music nowadays is lack of layers of meanings , R&B is completely opposite.The theme of the R&B not only focus on love but also a myriad of other humanistic theme , such as :patriotism , war and peace , life inspiration ,... By listening to this kind of music , I appreciate what I have more than ever .  
  
R&B is just like my emancipator from negative emotions , stress and the hectic lifestyle.Life is full of ups and down . Every time I got lost and feel alone , hearing a excerpt of " Hero " by Mariah Carey , I am motivated to make a step forward. .Rather than , R&B also has some good impact on my studying too .It's not too strong which 's just enough to help me stay alert while doing homework . It somehow drive me to sleep as well .  
  
In conclusion , R&B has become my favorite kind of music , which not only beneficial to my physical health but mental health as well
@dxtnnam  
Hi! I see that you've been consistently a part of the forum. I hope that this feedback of mine gives you insight on how to improve your writing. If it does, don't hesitate to approach us and ask for more! Good luck in your writing endeavors.  
  
Like what I mentioned previously to you, small details are essential when writing. You can enhance your writing tremendously simply by following conventional rules in writing to make your essay a lot more put-together and standardized. When looking at the first parts of writing, it was clear that you were unable to use the very basics of writing when you were elaborating. Try to always stick with content that is more specific.  
  
Improving the overall tone of language you are using in writing is also critical. For instance, the first part of the essay needed to be hammered down in totality to ensure that your work isn't mistaken as informal. Try to always stick with a logical flow.  
  
As mentioned before, the conclusion also cannot be shortened and made into a small chunk. Conclusions are critical when establishing the final thoughts of your essay, therefore try your best to standardize your writing a lot more.
## responsibility to society

  
  
topic: Some people think they have done all they should do to society by paying taxes, but other people think people should take more responsibilities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.  
  
my answer:  
  
It is quite common these days for citizens to have a responsibility to take actions to contribute to a better society. With a conflicting view about how much responsibility they have to take, some citizens regard paying taxes as the whole duty they have to their country and community.  
  
Advocates believe they have fulfilled their responsibility and duty through paying various tax, such as the VAT and income tax, since government could enhance economy to run smoothly as well as invest in social systems. For example, with tax revenue, the government is able to build more high-speed trains and improve the healthcare system. However, what government can do with tax revenue is just from the strategic level, while the dwellers can take more responsibilities in many other aspects.  
  
An ideal society is not only determined by economy and high-quality lifestyle, education and reputation also need to be taken into consideration. Everyone in the society is a role model for children who are most likely to imitate other's behavior, thus to be an educational and motivational person is indeed an important responsibility for people to take in order to foster the young generation.  
  
In addition, there are also occasions when citizens need to put their best foot forward to establish a good reputation for our community. It is hard to imagine what others would think of you, if you throw the garbage on the street only because there is not any trash cans in the vicinity.  
  
In conclusion, my view is that although tax revenue can solve part of social issues, just paying taxes alone is not enough for citizens to fulfill their duties. It is better for them to do something effective in person that contribute to education and good reputation.
## the soul of life

  
  
**Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?**  
  
Music is the soul of life that people in every aspect of the world listen to diary. It is thought that music is a bright of differennces between cultures generation gaps. From my perspective, i completely agree with this sentiment.  
  
First and foremost, music is the most fundamental thing people around the world do in a day. It may help connect residents in various classes of society together when music is not created for an individual, and there is distinction among levels of the society. Regularly, musicians compose songs based on their emtions inspire them to others who have the same feelings as them. Futhermore, music is considered as a thread of linking global citizens together since it can break all barriers of language. Vietnamese youngsters are keen on listening to K-pop music as an example for this reason. Regardless of the fact that not many Vietnamese know Korean, they listen Korean music due to their enjoyment of the melodys of the songs and their idols. Therefore, this may connect people in various countries.  
  
In addition, music also makes people feel that they are younger than their real age, so it may remove all generational disparity. There are some genres of music such as Bolero, Ballad that people in all age group enjoy listening to. They do not distinguish whether they are the old or the young who can sing these songs, and bring this kind of music to some musical competitions. Last but not least, many yesteryear songs are still beloved by both adults anf youngsters nowadays.  
  
In conclusion, music turns out insufficient in people's lives when it can link generations and people with different nations together.
To be honest, thank you that I can learn something from your essay. I think you got a grammatical mistake in this sentence "musicians **compose** songs ... **inspire** them to ..." as there are 2 verbs in a sentence. Overall you give good opinion but the way you convey it needs to be more concise. In the summary, I think you use wrongly the word "insufficient" because it means "not enough", I guess you mean music is important, you can you the word "irreplaceable" or some synonyms of the word "important" instead.
@jungsooyeon  
Hi there. Thanks for coming to the site! I hope that you are able to learn something from this essay.  
  
Firstly, I think that the introductory statements are still a bit lacking, considering that you were unable to provide a more comprehensive briefing on what the thesis statement/core message of the writing is. That first sentence could be better if you were able to relate it better to how intercultural or cross-cultural the experience of music is. Try to be more specific rather than giving out vague statements.  
  
Like what I regularly tell people, evading the usage of excessive language will always be helpful in balancing out your writing. In your writing, it is quite obvious that the latter parts of your writing already didn't have the ample space for a more fruitful discussion. For instance, the concluding paragraph was already lacking in terms of substance. Try to keep everything balanced out when you are writing in order to create for a more substantive discussion.
## number of tourists in two countries over the 50 years

  
  
The pie charts provide information on the changes to tourism to Australia and Germany from 1960 to 2000.  
Overall, it is clear that in both countries, the number of people coming from Asian countries and the USA visiting these showed an increase, whereas the number of British and European tourists decreased overtime.  
  
In 1960, European tourists accounted for more than half of the tourists in Australia. However, 50 years later, that number plunged to only 10%. In contrast, in 1960, 10% of the tourists were Asians after which the number of Asian tourists multiplied 6 times, thus occupying most of the tourists in 2000. Less American and British people came to visit Australia, both resulting in a 5% decrease.  
  
Regarding tourism in Germany in 1960, most visitors are from Europe which constituted 45% of all visitors. Even though the numbers experienced a 5% drop, European visitors still occupied most of the tourists in Germany. The amount of Brisitsh visitors also had a dramatic decrease, from accounting for a quarter to only 5% of the tourists.  
  
*
Hi, there. I would like to give you some feedback about your writing.🤗  
  
1. .......to tourism "in" Australia and ...  
  
2.in your overview, I noticed that there is a small mistake. The percentage of USA visitors in Australia from 1960 to 2000 is "decrease" while in your overview wrote "increase". Be careful of writing wrong information in Task 1 may deduct your band score.  
  
3.For the comparison, I think the way you compared the figures based on "year" is good. However, I would like to compare the figures by " country" which is like "Asian visitors stood at the same ratio which is 10% in both countries in 1960 while in 2000 the ratio boosted dramatically in both countries. There is 53% increase in Australia and 15% increase in Germany"  
  
Hope it would help your future writing.😁😁
***Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.***  
  
## Dress Code Policy at the workplace

  
  
Over the past decade, dresscode at work has never failed to draw public attention and provoke debates. Some people assert that the employees should show their proffesion by their dressing styles while the other hold their view that the staffs had better give more notice on their working efficiency to appearance. In this essay, I will go more intensively into these two opinions and give my personal perpective.  
  
Firstly, it is essential to recognize that smartly attractive dresscode at the offices possibly and indirectly encourage the staffs' interest or motivation at work. To be more specific, the fact that the employees have their own alternatives to adopt what they probably wear to the offices will make them more willing to concentrate on their jobs as the more delighted they get, the more productive they may perform. Furthermore, the scenio that all the staffs in the firm dress fashionably and proffesionally really show an amazing and interesting brand image for the company.  
  
On the other hand, it is equally vital to recognize that labour productivity is of much higher essence compared to showing off the dressing styles at work. For example, notwithstanding serving in the same industry field, Vietjet Air actually make customers bear in mind their much more marvelous and high-fashioned uniforms than those of Vietnam Airlines. Nonetheless, Vietnam Airlines successfully achieves higher reputation due to their careful service and safer flights, which makes it manage to maintain its position and firmly stands still on the top.  
  
In conclusion, every view has its own merits and drawbacks. To my point of view, under no circumstances does paying more attention to dress intelligently and gorgeously at the offices impact detrimentally on working productivity. As a result, I will give my support to the idea of freedom of dressing at work.
@thaithu  
Hi there! Thanks for coming to the forum. I hope my feedback gives you a better insight on how to improve your writing. Don't hesitate to approach us if you have additional questions/concerns!  
  
From the get-go, I think that the first paragraph can still be improved if you focused a lot more on specifying details. For instance, the first paragraph's introductory sentence still appears to be rather bland. It is insufficient for you to merely mention that it will "draw in attention" if you the discussion of dress-codes would be presented. Instead, what you could have done was jumped straight into *why* these specific queries draw attention in the first place. Bear in mind that being more specific can go a long way for you.  
  
Taking things further down the line, the transition between your body paragraphs needs to be hammered down and improved as well. Alongside this, you should also improve the level of formality in your writing. This can be easily done if you would opt to not use specific lines that do not necessarily give away that you're dealing with casual language. For instance, the last sentence of your second paragraph is a clear indicator of informality. Try your best to stick with language that is boldly formal.