dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

  
  
It is a fact that, the proportion of young adults moderately higher than that of elderly people in some nations. In my opinion, i believe this tendency contributes to make society more developed.  
  
On the one hand, some people think that there are some drawbacks when the young population overperform the percentage of older people. Firstly, young adults will face harsh competition in the job market, and the rising rate of unemployment is unavoidable. For example, the percentage of young adults makes up over 70% in Vietnam, thus there are not enough vacancies and a large number of young people must go to labor export to get jobs. Secondly, demanding of young adults about living condition such as entertainment, tourist and services are usually higher than that if older people, this means some developing countries can not respond well to them.  
  
On the other hand, i argue that the high rate of the young adult population brings many benefits to society. The main reason is that productivity will increase thanks to a large amount of energy source of young people, and this promotes economic development. In other words, compared with older people, creativity, flexibility in work and good health in young people guarantee their work will be finished quickly and easily with the best result. Moreover, this trend provides a large labor source in all fields for each country. Besides, the advantage of young people is that they integrate well in industry 4.0 and use skillfully computer and internet which older people have difficulties to adapt.  
  
In conclusion, although young adult accounting for the majority population still exists some negative aspects, i think this is an advantaged situation and countries should continue to allow this to happen.  
  
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The first suggestion is you should notice to the punctuation in compound sentence. For example, in the first sentence, do not use a comma after "that".  
  
Second, "...make society..." should be "making"  
Next, "For example, the percentage of young adults ..." seems illogical when working oversea is not a negative trend, those who work oversea make great contributions to the economic development. So why did you say that they are unemployed?  
  
"Besides" seems an improper linking word.  
You should vary your grammar range, using more passive voice (not too much), inversion, comparative structure, so on.  
These are personal opinions^^
You cannot state anything as a fact in this type of essay. You are asked to refer only to a personal opinion (when required) or an agreement or disagreement as the original prompt indicates. Since you are giving an opinion, state it as such, you lose points for stating facts where none are required. You are also in error when it comes to responding to the question. You are asked if this is an advantage or disadvantage. You responded that this will make a positive contribution to society, which does not answer the question because you are not being asked about the contribution of the topic to society. Therefore, your TA score will be scored as totally unrelated to the question, making your essay receive a low score from the very start. This low score may be difficult for your essay to overcome as you also have spelling, grammar, and cohesiveness issues in your overall presentation. You are not offering a clear opinion anywhere in the area where it matters, the opinion is not included in the conclusion. That is always given as a part of the first paragraph. You also refer to "I think" which means you failed to develop and present a proper opinion regarding the situation. This is a one point of view essay that requires you to convince the reader that your opinion is based on solid and sound reasons.
## an illusory dream

  
  
E-education nowadays get a high position in the education field because of the development of technology. So, some people reckon that it will definitely replace the traditional learning, others thinks that face to face courses are enternal and nothing can change it. In my opinion, both classes have their own advantages and disadvantages.  
  
it is undeniable that study online bring a lot of beneifits for students, especially in this quarantine time. Firstly, learning online save much time and money of students and teacher than going to school. With the convenience of high-tech devices, learners are easily approach the knowledge when traveling or in a lacking of shool facilities condition. Secondly, zoom and teams are the common tool for studying online today and both of them are required a specific level of using computer. So, interacting with others through the internet improve much of technology skills for students and teacher when using application for learning. Last but not least, in this deathly padamic: covid, online studying at home is the best solution for education which is not only provide comprehension for student but also save for themselves.  
  
On the other hand, it is obvious that traditional classes are also beneficial to undergraduates. Firstly, it solves the largest problems of e-education for teachers, unable to support their kids simultaneously. Learning in a face to face conditions allow educators to observe if some students have difficulties in understanding lesson and help them. Moreover, nothing can guarantee that there are no online entertainment while learning online. So, e-education might be more convenient but the traditional classes giving more knowledge than online can do. Secondly, proving teamwork skill and friendship is needed for children and school do that very well. By preparing different events and exercises, students can easily build up camaraderie between firends and this contribute their happy school life. Therefore, the merits of face to face courses are undeniable.  
  
In the conclusion, with the benefits of online classes, it might become an usefull supply for the teachers but replacing offline class is still an illusory dream.
For a task 2 essay, you should not be overwriting the information in the presentation. Stay within the 250-290 word count, 4 paragraph discussion presentation to help you achieve a better score. It is never useful to write so many words and consider yourself accomplished. Thinking that the more words you write, the better your final score. Based on this type of writing, you only managed to successfully create repeated, unchecked, and uncorrected errors throughout the presentation. All of which will result in a less than expected score for you.  
  
The errors cover several areas of spelling mistakes, a series of GRA errors, along with coherence and cohesiveness errors. The number of errors in each scoring rubic indicate that you will be receiving sizeable percentage deductions, which could very well hold your work back from achieving your target score. Remember, the score depends on the lack of errors. The more errors you have, the lower the score you will get.
Topic:  
## Some people think that young people are not suitable for important positions in government or business.

  
***Others argue that younger people can be very beneficial in these positions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.***  
  
Government or business is important to the growth of a country, and the people who are in charge of these areas always play a significant and decisive role in the development progress. Lots of people deem that youngsters are inappropriate to crucial places, while others raise an objection. As to me, every perspective has its pros and cons, but for different reasons.  
  
On the one hand, newcomers who are just graduated or about 30 years old have less experience than older staff. Hence, the skilled employees are more qualified to handle the government or company departments as well as cope with several situations, even though it's a tough one. Moreover, their soft skills have accumulated over time, so the ways (that) they deal with the hard duties are more flexible and smooth.  
  
On the other hand, there is no doubt that youth is more enthusiastic and agile. They are prone to excepting and learning new things, especially for the latest technology and machinery which is vital to successful management in this digital age. Besides, they usually have many unique and creative ideas which are an indispensable factor in every field and the older ones are inferior.  
  
Generally, it is needed for every youngster to get a chance to grow up at their career pass. To the view, if the younger people are beneficial in the major duty at a state agency or a firm, it depends largely on the workplace culture and the nature of work. However, in my perception, it is better that they handle a less important executive position, which can enrich themselves, before improving to a key one.
In the prompt paraphrase, you did a relatively good job of using your own words to provide a new version of the original prompt. However, you did not give a clear opinion in the response to your opinion. You only have 5 paragraphs for this essay, 3 for the public points of view and one for the personal opinion. So you cannot say that is has pros and cons for different reasons. You need to pick a clear opinion and present it otherwise you risk losing points for not delivering a clear side to support in the presentation.  
  
Try to avoid using memorized phrases (on the one hand, on the other hand) when stating your topic sentences. You will be able to score better in terms of C&C considerations when you immediately kick off with a topic sentence instead. The reviewer already knows that you are comparing the two sides because of the format of the paragraphs and your prompt restatement. So you can avoid using comparative memorized phrases.  
  
You did not clearly represent a personal point of view in the end. The personal point of view is the 4th paragraph in the presentation, before the concluding summary. Since you closed with a paragraph that does not reflect a personal opinion due to the lack of first person pronoun usage, the essay seems to be missing a conclusion and a personal opinion. The lack of clarity in your paragraph formatting will definitely affect your final score.
***Topic: Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required***  
  
**DISCUSS BOTH THESE VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION.**  
  
The substantial economic growth results in a higher living standard with various demands for house, beauty, and importantly healthcare. The number of sports facilities has increased rapidly since the health issues were no longer a scarce problem, which creates two different aspects under serve discussions.  
  
The sport centers with its located flexible convenience and popularity help people easily reach the nearest location. After a long strenuous working day, in the normal run of things, people desire to invigorate themself by physical exercises at local sports centers, regarded as a friendly-environmental solution to intensify public health improvement. Besides, it brings the prospect of protecting the environment from public transport's gas emission, people wasting time on traffic jams will quickly arrive at sports centers by few steps instead. Furthermore, people can reduce expenditure on traffic fees and generate opportunities cost for other personal kinds of stuff.  
  
However, the formation of sports facilities means higher tax income will be imposed on individuals to compensate for the money paid on infrastructure development. It is quite uneven for those who prefer taking part in extracurricular or outdoor activities to doing gyms with support from modern types of equipment. They would rather practice smooth and natural exercises such as running around the park than do vigorous exercises. The apparent analyses, as well as careful regulations, is vital to balance and meet people's health needs.  
  
In conclusion, while the benefits of the extend of sports facilities are undeniable, I would contend that a detailed plan based on the demand and building expenditure will contribute to the compatible agreement.
You have written a very long essay that does not follow the discussion requirements as provided in the original prompt. The paraphrased paragraph makes little sense to the reader and does not relate to the original presentation in any way. That is because you have created your own information for the presentation instead of merely restating the original information. Your overall essay discusses your personal opinion alone, based on non-related discussion points with regards to the original prompt. Though you wrote a good essay, I doubt this will get a passing score because you have not given the discussion based on the required elements of public opinion discussion and a personal opinion. Therefore, the passing score for this presentation may be difficult to reach. The lack of clarity and prompt deviation are the biggest problems that you have.
Task:  
## In schools ad universities, girls tend to choose arts subject, while boys choose science subjects.

  
***What is the reason? Should the trend be changed?***  
  
Answer:  
It is apparent that there are a gender preferences when it comes to choosing a curriculum, which means courses are chosen depending on genders. Both external and internal factors contribute to this phenomenon and I take the view that this trend should be changed.  
  
There are two main reasons why some courses are dominated by female and others attract male. Firstly, girls and boys are both with difference which is the same as biological level. Courses which are romantic and beautiful are attractive to female students. Nevertheless, male students who are aggressive congenitally just regard these curriculums as tedious as dish washer so scientific classes with practice and analytical thinking are optimum for them. Secondly, it is still prevalent that men are the bread winners while women are caregivers especially in undeveloped regions. Thus the female who plan to major in science and physics may discouraged by conservative gender stereotypes.  
  
It will be better if students can choose courses according to their genuine interest instead of optimum from others. We should not impose any restrictions on choices made by students and they should be given more encouragement. Boys who have passion for arts feel free and comfortable when they sit in an art-based class room. Girls should be given equal opportunity as boys to study science. History has proven that women are as good as men in scientific domain as we have witnessed a lot of female Nobel Prize winners in science.  
  
In conclusion, the natural difference between men and women and social opinion result in the contrasting subject choices. However, students should learn courses what they love not what are suitable.
Your prompt paraphrase requires a clearer representation of gender. These days, there are more than one gender identities so you have to be specific in your presentation, based upon the original presentation. Refer to synonyms for girls and boys (women, men, male, female) You should also specify which subjects are indicated. Basically, your prompt paraphrase is only partially informative and in accordance with the original representation.  
  
Your first reasoning paragraph is not clear at all. Women and men are different on the biological level. Yet you said they are the same. Art subjects do not necessarily mean romantic and beautiful. What do you mean by using the term congenitally? That word, congenitally, does not exist in the English dictionary. That will be a big deduction in your LR score. Do not use phrases that do not make any sense like "tedious as dish water". Truth be told, that whole paragraph does not make any sense to the reader. Perhaps it makes sense in your native tongue, but it does not translate very well to English.
## prices per tonne of rice in two countries

  
  
The line graphs compare prices of exported rice each month in two Asian countries: Vietnam and Thailand each month from 2012 to 2015.  
It is apparent that rice exports from Thai Lan cost higher than that from Vietnam. Moreover, rice prices were higher in 2012 and 2013 than in the later years.  
  
In 2012, rice exports from Thailand were sold at $350 per tonnes in January, over two times the figures for Vietnam. However, after a peak of nearly $400 in February, Thailand rice prices drop minimally and stabilized at $340. Meanwhile, Vietnam rice exports saw a slight increase to $200 at the end of 2012. Throughout 2013, a small rise of roughly $50 was observed in price of Vietnam rice exports, whereas that of Thailand had experienced a plummet of $150 in the first 4 years before fluctuating above $200 over the remaining months.  
  
Looking at 2014, there was a sharp decline from $150 to $100 in the price of Thailand rice exports, while the figures for Vietnam followed an opposite trend, with a small rise of $25 over the year. However, 2015 witnessed an upward trend in both nations, with an increase of $50 per tonnes.  
  
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Since you are doing a comparison data presentation format, it would be better if you provide the measurements for both countries for comparison purposes. So when you say over two time the figure for Vietnam, mention the figure for Vietnam. That should be done for accuracy purposes. Be careful of your spelling, the country is Thailand, not Thai Lan. Information accuracy is important in the Task 1 essay. The second paragraph has an extra long last sentence. That can still be divided into 2 sentences, further increasing your chances at a higher GRA score. In the last paragraph, you should increase the information for the 2015 reference. It should have a little more information than you have presented. You can still use 3 sentences in that paragraph following the 3-5 sentence per paragraph format.
## There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music?

  
***Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?***  
  
There is a rich variety of music around the world and music tends to play a vital part in human culture. To argue, I think that traditional music is more important than modern international music .  
  
Music has accompanied humankind across ages. from simply enjoying it to a learning tool. for example. As children, we are taught new languages by singing, moreover. Singing in groups will create a connection between people regardless of their age. Music expresses feelings and emotions in a way that even words can't. Our favorite songs become part of us and our memories that each time we hear it we feel various emotions that can't be expressed by simple words.  
  
Traditional music needs to have a special value over any type of music. It's true that international music is often fun and catchy but it's usually nothing more than a commercial product that is sold for business purposes. By contrast, traditional music is used to express our cultures and history. it connects with us and forms a part of our cultural identity. in other words, it would be a pity if such a form of music disappears.  
  
in conclusion, music forms a special part of our life and it's necessary for us humans and traditional music needs to be given more attention
The essay is way below the 250 mark at 216 words. That will result in a points deduction so severe, the essay will not receive a passing score. I need to advise you to bring up your word count next time. You need to make sure that you fully explain your thoughts and opinions in the 2 reasoning paragraphs. Aim to write 5 sentences in each paragraph to help you achieve an over the minimum word count. You also need to be careful about your word capitalization in the presentation. You capitalized the word "singing" after a comma. Since that is not a proper noun, it should not be capitalized after a comma. Your conclusion is not a proper summary of the presentation. Both the para[hrase and closing paragraph need to have at least 40 words in it, with proper punctuation contained. In your rush to finish the essay, you made spelling, grammar, and conjunction errors. All of which, though seemingly minimal in representation, will result in further deductions for your essay based on each scoring section. This is not an essay that will have a good chance of passing in this form. You need to increase your word count and focus on cleaning up your errors so that you can get a scoring consideration and avoid penalties based on technicalities. Technicalities means that you failed to proof read your essay before you decided it was the final form you wanted to have graded.
## Average carbon dioxide emissions per person

  
  
The line graph compares 4 European nations in terms of the average carbon dioxide emissions over the period from 1967 to 2007.  
It is noticeable that the UK was responsible for the highest level of CO2 emissions. Moreover, a downward trend can be observed in emissions from Sweden throughout the period.  
  
From 1967 to 1977, the amount of CO2 emissions in the UK remained unchanged, at around 11 metric tonnes per person. During the same period, an upward trend can be seen in 3 other countries: Sweden Italy and Portugal, with an increase to about 10.5 tonnes, 6.5 tonnes and 2.5 tonnes respectively.  
  
By 2007, CO2 emissions from Sweden had plummeted to nearly 5.5 metric tonnes, whereas the respective amounts came from Italy and Portugal had considerably risen to 5.5 tonnes and 7.5 tonnes. By contrast, there had been a reduction in the level of CO2 in the UK since 1977, with a gradual decrease of around 2 metric tonnes per person at the end of the period.  
  
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Try to work on a more comprehensive summary. At least outline the names of the countries provided and the measurement used. These information can help the reader better understand and follow the report you are presenting. You should use the proper summary outline to help you gain a better TA score. While your presentation is acceptable, it could have been better.  
  
The last 2 sentences of the first paragraph and the second paragraph presentation both follow the trending statement format. One of these have to change to a report format. You can only have one trending statement in the essay. It should not be located within 2 paragraphs.