dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
*Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.*  
  
## countries prosperity factors

  
  
Over the decades, the issue about what country's essential goal has been a matter of debate. Some countries put economic progress as the most crucial which is significantly linked to the nation's development. Nevertheless, some argue that educational side has the same level of importance due to the contribution of human resource.  
  
On the one hand, it is believed that economic development is the vital part of country's prosperous level. It is because economic sector contributes directly to the establishment of infrastructures which plays a major role in public services. Another reason is, a better countries' economy can encourage the states themselves to be more independent as they already have a stabile finance. A salient example for this is Swiss which has a good economy development. As a result, it achieves the most prosperous nation with more than 300 countries depend on Swiss rule in economic sector.  
  
On the other hand, many people view that instead of keep economic progress as the most important matter, educational sector plays the equal role which responsible for the quality of the human resource. The countries' workers will be more qualified as they have a higher level of education. Moreover, due to the development of education, the type of skill and knowledge is more varied which can create various skilled employee, and I tend to agree with this view.  
  
To sum up, despite the discussion of the most important country's goal, I tend to believe that education has the equal value with economy.  
  
I wish to get feedback and band score as well.
Sri, unfortunately, you were short by one word in order to meet the minimum word requirement. You wrote only 249 words when the acceptable minimum is 250 words. The result of this highly avoidable error on your part will be an automatic failing score for this essay. Regardless of your content and English vocabulary skills, the minute you fall under the required word count, you will not pass the test. Had you written exactly 250 words or a little over that, it would have been a totally different story and I could serious consider your essay for a passing score. Here is a clue as to how you can always be assured of meeting the minimum word requirement. Always write 5 paragraphs with at least 3 sentences per paragraph. 5 sentences per paragraph would be the best. An additional reason that your essay failed to meet the minimum word count is because you did not discuss your personal opinion, as required by the essay, in a stand alone paragraph. You merely made it a mention in the concluding paragraph, which is a violation of the formatting instructions. The personal opinion is always a stand alone paragraph because that is the paragraph that further illustrates your ability to express yourself in written English. The discussion of the two points of view is all about your English comprehension skills. That is why you should not under develop one discussion over the other or the other two.
Test : *It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent to you agree or disagree?*  
  
## local history vs world history at school

  
  
It is argued that the learning about local history is more significant than that world history for schoolchildren which remain to be controversy topic. Personally, I completely disagree with this point of view.  
  
There are two main reasons why learning local history is big part of education. One reason of them is that throughout history, it makes children not only aware of the events of their country's past but also earned many lessons by reflective mind about every win or lost and foster a sense of belonging to the school. Another reason of point is that boy or girl can find it easily learns how importantly developed local cultural traditions. For example, when someone looks forward to studying about Vietnam war; they have to recognize that under the background great winning of Vietnam people is courage, strategy sense, national solidarity and still be motivational resources to other countries in the carrying out a war of resistance to colonialism. Children should learn it to understand how momentous local cultural traditions have maintained and developed. For example, on the lunar years, square glutinous rice cake is stem from the first king of Vietnam till to now.  
  
Besides learning and experiencing of local history, schoolchildren should spend a deserved amount of time scrutinizing cover world history. Firstly, one exactly bright manner to develop an understanding of the past of other peoples who live in difference countries. Secondly, science has proven that contemporary present of one country is related in the interaction of both all historical events of this country and affect the contemporaneous history of other countries along with the process of history. For instance, one of the core factors of the award in resistance battle of Vietnam nation is the doom of colonialism theory.  
  
In conclusion, through several reasons I have mention above, I emphasized that the equally important learning and researching between local history and world history.
Than, the first problem with this essay is that it is not formatted properly. While you do have more than the required 250 words in the essay, you did not bother to divide the discussion topics into individual paragraphs in order to meet the 5 sentence , 5 paragraph requirement. The combined content discussions that are not accurately represented in the 2 body paragraphs. By the way, always write 3 body paragraphs so that you can better explain your reasons in the essay. Since this is an opinion essay, 3 strong opinions in every paragraph would have done the trick for you.  
  
Since each paragraph should represent only one idea that is supported by personal knowledge or opinion, along with one example, this paragraph doesn't make the cut in terms of presentation requirements. It is confusing and doesn't really accomplish a solid discussion because you have only one sentence for the first reason and then a longer discussion, with examples, for the second reason. Limit yourself to only one reason and one example per paragraph with at least 2 supporting sentences within. That is the appropriate presentation that always gain a higher score in the C&C consideration scale.  
  
Your opening paraphrase and closing summary are also nothing more than run-on sentence presentations. These paragraphs still need to follow the basic paragraph requirements so you need to split up the ideas in your long sentence presentation into individual sentences. By the way, don't exaggerate your opening paraphrase. Just stick to the voice of the original discussion as presented in the original prompt. Here is an example of how you can do this for the opening paragraph:  
  
*There is a discussion ongoing these days regarding the teaching of local and world history in schools. Some educators believe that more time should be spent increasing a student's knowledge of local history instead of learning about world history. I strongly disagree with this statement for a number of reasons.*  
  
The closing paragraph should have a maximum of 5 sentences that represents the original prompt, the 3 discussion points, and a repeat of your disagreement with the given statement in order to create an appropriate summarized discussion for the essay. It will also help it to close on the strongest possible presentation.
## an essay's abstract

  
  
*Leaf Economic Traits Vary with Stand Age in Cunninghamia lanceolata*  
  
Abstract：There is a trade-off between the functional traits of plant leaves, and through the study of the economic characters of leaf functional traits, the dry weight investment-return rule of plant leaves can be explored. In this study, leaf dry matter content(LDMC), specific leaf area(SLA) and specific leaf mass(SLM) of cunninghamia lanceolata at different stand age were studied, and the differences of leaf functional traits and the relationship between traits in different developmental stages of Cunninghamia lanceolata were explored. During the 5-25 years development of Cunninghamia lanceolata, SLA first decrease and then rise, LDMC and SLM first rise and then drop, all at turning point of 10-15 years old. The 20 years old fir has the highest SLA, LDMC, and lowest SLM. It shows that the expected return of the unit leaf dry matter investment in the early stage of development is low, and the leaf dry matter of the unit leaf area is high invested. In the later stages of development, the reverse is the case. The growth rate of Cunninghamia lanceolata may be the highest in 20; The variation coefficients of LDMC in the 5-25 years old of Cunninghamia lanceolata were smaller than SLA and SLM. The variation coefficients of SLA and SLM of 5, 10 and 15 years old were higher than that of 20 and 25 years old and the variation coefficient of SLA of 5 years old is higher than that of other ages, and the SLM variation coefficient of 5 years old is second only to that of 20. It shows that the expected return and dry matter investment was more sensitive to the environment than metabolic activity and more sensitive in the young period. SLA is negatively correlated with LDMC, SLA is negatively correlated with SLM, SLM is positively correlated with LDMC. It shows that the more investment of dry matter, the lower metabolic activity of leaves, the lower activity of leaf, the lower expected return of investment, and the more investment of dry matter of leaves, the lower the expected return of investment of unit dry matter; The correlation between SLA and LDMC, SLM and LDMC is the strongest in 5 years. This shows that the metabolic activity is more closely related to the expected return and the investment in young fir; The regression coefficient between traits shows that the effect of metabolic activity on SLA is the largest in 5 years old, second in 20, dry matter investment has the biggest influence on metabolic activity and expected return in 20 years old (but except for the 5 years old, the models of LDMC with other traits of other ages are less fit).
jinli, your abstract is a detailed presentation of the research that you did. However, the thesis statement and result of the experimentation should have also be presented in the abstract. Without it, all your abstract contains is the research method and results of the research, which is not a complete abstract. The abstract is a summarized presentation of the detailed research paper. It should not merely contain the results of the experiments and / or research, but it should also summarize the foundation of the the research, method of research, and imply the end results of the research. I found this abstract engaging but somehow, it felt like you were starting in the middle of the presentation rather than at the beginning and then it suddenly stopped. There was no ending to your presentation. Additional information at the beginning and at the end are required. Maybe you can explain why this research is important in one sentence then present a method of use for these research results at the end of the abstract. That should help to complete the content of the abstract.
Khushoo, I will not be scoring you on this IELTS test because the writing that you did in this section does not adequately represent the standard content of the CBEST essay writing sections. As you know, there are 2 essay writing sections, one is a situational analysis and the other, is a personal experience narrative. What you wrote in this essay does not represent either of the essay requirements of the CBEST. It would be unfair of me to review, analyze, and judge you based on a topic that will never show up in the actual CBEST test. You can use sites like fullexams.com to get a wide array of past CBEST essay prompts for your use during your review period. Focus on the analytical part because that is where your problem is. Don't focus so much on the personal narrative because that is your strong suit. The analytical portion requires you to be familiar with various current and past events which are post historic and / or popular in presentation. Try to brush up on your current events just in case something from the recent news events turns out to be the analytical situation prompt.
*Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time.  
Discuss both sides and give your opinion?*  
  
## is art an useful subject to study?

  
  
The question about whether art becomes a necessary course in school curriculum or becomes worthless subject continues to be controversial issues nowadays. This essay will present discussions regarding both points of view along with my personal insight.  
  
On the one hand, those who support art turn to become one of school subject believed that art will play a pivotal role in student development. It will stimulate their creativity when they immerse in this activity. By giving them an empty paper and letting them make something, for instance, will generate their unpredictable ability. Moreover, art enthusiast highlight that art subject will diminish their stress after having serious class, such as mathematics, physic, chemistry, etc. Undoubtedly, this subject will create more fun class and the authority should involve this subject into a school curriculum.  
  
On the other hand, though, opponents of art subject point out that art subject will waste their time. It will be better for them to study others subject. In fact, art is not one of a mandatory subject included in national examination compared to other subjects. Based on that, it might be fabulous to spent time on the primary subject rather than art subject. Furthermore, it is noticeable that art subject is an additional activity for the student which can be an extracurricular activity rather than become school subject.  
  
In my opinion, it is undeniable that the existence of art subject in school curriculum is profoundly essential as long as the length of time does not exceed other main subjects.  
  
To sum up, I believe that art is notable school subject in terms of bolster student creativity and provide a pleasant atmosphere in the class. In contrast, some people frequently thought that art subject is wastage time.  
  
282 words
You need to write a properly responsive and accurate depiction of your English skills. The mistakes in your sentence structure and word usage tends to become distracting which creates choppy sentences.  
  
The closing paragraph feels rushed and ill-informed.  
Don't forget the importance of the closing paragraph. Without a properly summarized discussion, your essay becomes open-ended and doesn't come across as truly effective and informative because it does not offer the reader a chance to decide for himself based upon your concluding statement.
## the joint consumption

  
  
Today, Society is more and more developement quickly synonymous with people will not many time on earning money. So it is difficult to have a meal together. However, eating together is the important social together as it not only built and reinforce love family but it also respect and politeness with the order on our family.  
  
Family have a meal together that will help you build and reinforce love family. When you come back home then have a meal together that will help you reduce a lot of tired and stress. Besides you can care them with several question it mean you can share strenuous things in life from that point, your family is more close-knit and together leave far behind tired on day with the fun story. You can express love with member of your family that you have a few time to share with them. Example, share your favorite dish which can prove you care them and know what they want and enjoy. You can also relieve burden things which they bear.  
  
Eating with together show culture each countries. Many culture attach much important to culture of dining-table. Each country will have difference culture show particular substance. If we maintain this culture, it is also we is preserving and developing habits and customs in dining-table because of our country and it also create our country a speacial national charater both simple and warm. For instance, Vietnam people have one culture before eating which is invite the order. This is also a great culture of our Vietnam.  
  
In conclusion, when families have a meal together, we will feel happy and relax, spend a few time to caring your family. We will also preserve and develope traditional of our country of cultural on dining-table. We should spend several time to have a meal with our family.
Dong, What is the complete prompt for this prompt? Along with that, what particular English test are you preparing for? The reason I ask is because I do not get any sense of the original prompt in your first paragraph. What is the discussion topic? Why is this an important discussion? What are you being directed to discuss in this essay? I don't have a clue as to whether or not you are discussing the essay in the expected manner because you forgot to include the original prompt in the posting. The fact that your essay contains serious grammatical flaws that really cause undue stress on the reader makes it even more difficult to get through a first reading of your essay. You are using descriptive words without consideration of conjunctions and subject-verb agreements. As such, this essay will not get a passing score regardless of whether it is for a TOEFL or IELTS test. In order to improve your work, you need to familiarize yourself with basic English sentence structures. Start by reading English comic books. Those reading materials have writers who use basic to intermediate English sentence structures and vocabulary that can definitely help you improve your English writing skills.
Hi @dongbinh\_44  
It will be better for you to alter this sentence  
**~~Society is more and more developement quickly~~** into this sentence **Society is burgeoning day by day**  
Burgeoning has similar meaning with development quickly, but this word is **more advanced** to use in the essay. in addition, please be aware of spelling :) for instance, you write **developement**, you can see what's wrong with this word
spe~~a~~cial ... character  
For instance, Vietnam people have one culture before ... - You can elaborate a little more on the culture  
  
In conclusion, ..., ~~we will~~ they feel happy and relax~~, spend a few time to caring your family~~. We ~~will also~~  preserve and ~~develope~~ share ~~traditional~~ the traditions of our country. We should spend  ~~several~~ enough time ...  
  
I hope the changes I tried making are conveying the same thoughts you wanted.  
  
Your essay has a number of grammatical mistakes which is difficult to read and infer. Do proofread your essay couple of times before submission.
Khushboo, you finally did it! I believe that this type of writing can easily get you a score of 4. The essay is razor focused in its response clarity. You never once wavered or lost sight of the actual instruction for the topic. It was engaging, informative, and every bit a logically arranged essay. You were coherent on all fronts (paragraphs) and you were clearly able to relay the rejection, the effect id had on you, and how you overcame it. This is the type of writing that you need to deliver on exam day, regardless of the topic. Do you think you can do that? I think, based on the remaining days of your before your test, you should practice this razor focus on prompts that are not personal in nature since that seems to be where your weakness lies. I can probably help you strengthen that within the time we have left but I won't make any promises regarding your potential to get a passing score based on the non-personal prompts.
Thanks a lot for all your support up til now. All thanks to you that I have been able to write effectively. I shall try to post 2 essays today, an expository and a personal one. Do let me know what are my weakness and where I need to work harder. I just have 3 days left for CBESt and I need to pass anyhow to apply for Fall 2018.  
  
Once again thank you so much! Since there are no unanswered threads, how do I upload my essay?
## key factors which affects children's development

  
  
Children education seems to be a concerning subject of all time but there is a controversial question of whether parents or schools must shoulder the ultimate responsibility for teaching kids to become good citizens. This essay will discuss both sides of the subject.  
  
Many people may claim that parents are the main childcarers- the ones who a child lives under the same roof with, so they have a closeknit relationship with the kid. Parents are well aware of their child's strengths and weaknesses so that they might have appropriate adjusts to wrong deeds by them. This may create a good environment for the child to develop their mental as well as physical qualities, which, in turn, will become a firm foundation for their growth becoming good adults. On the contrary, other people believe that children go to school to study as well as learn to be well-behaved. Since their parents are too busy making money, kids spend most of their time at school with their teachers and friends who might have great influence on their behaviours. It is said that "like teacher, like student" so whether kids grow up to be good members or not depends much on their teachers' support and care at school. Also, school is like a small society where children meet and have contacts with other children having different personalities, coming from different family background. They make friends with each other and this has impact on their behaviour as well. Therefore, it is clear that schools play a key role in educating children.  
  
To conclude, both parents and school are key factors which affects children's development. I express the opinion that the two sides share equal responsibility for bringing up kids to become good members of society.
Mien, please provide the original prompt along with your essay response the next time you post an essay for review. That is the only way I can accurately help you in terms of essay responsiveness to the prompt and proper outlining of your responses. I am almost certain that this is not a "controversial" issue that is a "concerning subject of all time". I just can't explain to you where the error is, how it happened, and how it can be corrected because of the missing prompt.  
  
Even without that prompt though, there is no way that this response will pass the test because only have 3 improperly formatted paragraphs presented in an essay that requires 5 paragraph, of 5 sentence each, in its formatting for the presentation of your answer / explanation based on the prompt requirement. I strongly advise you to review the other essays at this forum in order to get an idea as to how and why the proper formatting of the essay response, from the opening paraphrase, body of paragraphs, and the conclusion is of the utmost importance in order for you to get a decent score.  
  
I cannot assist you to a greater extent at this moment because of the missing prompt. Unfortunately I can only give you one free advice per thread so I won't be able to assist you even if you post the prompt now. When you write another practice essay, don't forget to provide the original prompt along with it so that I can better assist you at that time.