dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Nowadays animal experiments are widely used to develop new medicines and to test the safety of other products. Some people argue that these experiments should be banned because it is morally wrong to cause animals to suffer, while others are in favor of them because of their benefits to humanity.  
  
## Discuss both views and give your own opinion.**  
  
It is true that animal experiments are routinely used to develop new drugs and to test the safety of other products. Opinions are divided on whether we should ban this method because it is ethically wrong or we should continue using it as it brings benefits to humans . From my aspect, I agree with the latter only if the use of animal testing is controlled.  
  
On the one hand, there are ethical arguments against animal experimentation. To use a simple example, as laboratory mice may be given an illness so that we can measure the effectiveness of a new drug, they have to suffer physical pain and deprivation of water and food. Opponents of such research argue that humans have no right to subject animals to this kind of trauma and the lives of all creatures should be respected. Moreover, to implement animal testing, a large amount of money have to be expended on the facilities and human resources. As a result, the country's national finance is used to invest in these experiments and can not be used for other purposes, such as housing and education.  
  
On the other hand, it is undeniable that people are still rely on animal testing and until now, there has not been any reliable alternatives to this experiment. Those who argue that implementing animal experimentation is wrong may feel differently if a member of their own families needed medical treatment that is tested through the use of animals. In other words, the suffering of animals can be justified in the lives of humans in some cases. Personally, I agree with the banning of animal testing for non-medical products, but I think it is necessary evil for taking this test for new drugs and medical procedures.  
  
To sum up, people disagree with the use of animals on testing drugs for the reason that it is unjustified to the animals and costly. However, it is necessary to use this method for testing new necessary drugs and medical treatments, which can save many human's lives.
The main problem with this essay is how the writer misinterpreted the writing instructions provided in the writing guide sentence. It clearly says *"Discuss both points of view and give your opinion"*. What are the points of view? The 2 public opinions represented by the words  
  
Some people  
and  
  
others  
. These are words used alongside the public opinion and reason for each. The job of the writer at this point is to provide his analysis (opinion) of the strenght and validity of each opinion.  
  
Does he support it? Why? If he does not support it, why not? How does his opinion clash or support the public point of view? How valid is his opinion when compared with the public perception? These are the questions that each reasoning paragraph should provide. This is why pronoun differentiation is important in these sorts of discussion. The examiner needs to be clear that comparative discussions on differing and similar opinions are taking place in the paragraphs. Public v. Personal opinion explanations are needed.  
  
As of now, the general opinion provided responds only to the personal opinion aspect rather than the comparative considerations. There are no right or wrong opinions here, only the way the writer views the explanation for each point of view. In a sense, it is a general discussion of differening opinions with personal viewpoints provided for each. This is one time that a single opinion presentation is not warranted.  
  
The reasoning is uneven for the most part and that is why the reasoning will be seen as only being a representative of the writer's opinion. The comparison in the 2nd paragraph is not well presented and is what provides the lack of balance in the discussion presentation. The response format is not properly representative of the discussion requirements.
Hi everyone, hope someone can help me review my essay, thanks.  
--- Essay ---  
  
## coffee and bananas sales

  
  
The data show us the change in Fairtrade-labelled coffee sales between 1999 and 2004 include with the comparison of the figures in UK, Switzerland, Denmark, Belgium and Sweden.  
  
In 1999, Switzerland already had 3 million of sales in Fairtrade-labelled coffee. It was double or triple than the other 4 countries. The UK got a better market in Fairtrade-labelled bananas. Which was 15 million euros. The rest of the countries got no more than 2 million in sales.  
  
In 2004, most of the countries had a dramatic market growth in both labelled bananas and coffee. The UK stood up the most which got more than 10 times growth in coffee sales and slightly more than 3 times sales compared to 1999s. Only Sweden and Belgium had different trends. Decline in bananas sales.  
  
Overall the market for both Fairtrade-labelled products experienced a significant increase. However, the countries' figures still had some differences.  
  
*
between  
This is a year on year comparison. It is not a successive comparative table presentation. This is inaccurate information that will lower the task accuracy score in terms of proper information dissemination.  
  
The summary overview could be more efficently presented with the correct division of sentences (avoidance of run on presentations), other data highlights, and the merging of the overview with the trending statement. The overall format of the presentation is based on memorized templates which do not properly reflect the writing abilities and sentence formatting know-how of the student. Since the student only wrote 150 words exactly, any deductions applied to the other scoring sections will immediately result in an overall failing score. A better writing assessment can only be conducted when at least 175 words are used in this presentation.  
  
It will also be better for the student to remember that a single image presentation is best reported and scored using a 3 paragraph presentation. The 4 paragraph presentation is only used when there are 2 or more images involved in the report. a 4 paragraph presentation for a single image reflects that the student is using memorized templates rather than actual personal insight and proper writing formats as taught to ESL students.
## weekly expenses of families in 1968 and 2018

  
  
The bar graph reveals data about the weekly expenses of families in one nation in the years 1968 and 2018. It is clear that food was the most indispensable demand in 1968, but leisure activities dominated the weekly income of families in 2018.  
  
The year 1968, people tended to spend most their weekly budget on food, which accounted for roughly 35%. This figure was over three times as much as those for the second highest expenditures, housing, clothing and footwear. The expenses of housing and clothing were both 10%. Household goods, personal goods, transport and leisure fees were around 8% to 9 %. The least expense was fuel and power at 6%.  
  
People of 2018 were more likely to allocate their weekly income to leisure interests, which accounted for approximately 24 %. Next, families paid for housing and food were about 19% and 17%, respectively. Transport of 2018 were more considerable than in 1968 at 14%. Household goods was 8%. The least allocations were fuel (4%), personal goods (4%) and clothing (5%).
but  
Incorrect use of a conjunction. This can only be used when the topics being discussed are connected in some way (either action or topic). Since these are 2 different subjects, a separate sentence presentation should have been used with a transitional phrase or word instead. Good work on the presentation though. The trend and summary were in the same paragraph showing a non-memorized writing approach. The problem though, is that it is still short by one sentence to meet the minimum requirement. This happened because of the incorrect conjunction usage. Next time, aim for 3 sentences minimum per paragraph. That can easily be achieved by using individual sentence references.  
  
highest expenditures,  
Incorrect punctuation use. This should have been marked with a colon to indicate the division of a sentence. Since an enumeration list followed rather than a connected discussion, a comma should not have been used.  
  
The grammar used is not perfect, but not confusing either. So the C+C score will have minimal deductions. However, the writer shows a problem with proper sentence structure, word usage, and punctuation mark applications. Therefore more marked deductions to the GRA score will be applied to this task.
## The chart below gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018.

  
  
MY ESSAY:  
The bar chart given presents data on how households in one particular nation spent their weekly income in the years 1968 and 2018.  
  
Overall, the way families in this country spent their weekly income changed significantly over the period shown. Most notably, although in 1968 most families' weekly income went into food, households spent most on housing and leisure in 2018.  
  
In 1968 weekly income of each family to buy food was at 35%, around three times higher than that on housing, clothing and footware. During this year, the proportion of weekly income spent on household goods, personal goods, transport, leisure and fuel never exceed 10%.  
  
In the next 50 years, the percentage of weekly income spent on food halved to around 17%, lower than housing and leisure which were about 18% and 22% respectively. The expenditure on personal goods, clothing and footware also fell heavily in 2018. Meanwhile, each household's weekly income proportion on fuel and power decreased slightly by 2% and this percentage for household goods did not vary during this period.  
  
(173 words)  
  
*
There are a few things that the exam taker can do to improve the scores for his summary overview paragraph. Firstly, he can stop using the memorized sentence format for the presentation to show that he has more advanced writing abilities. Rather than simply saying that there is "given data", he can instead format the sentence to indicate "comparisons of given information regarding both years". That sounds more original and complex in writing presentation than simply "presents data". He can also add the measurement instrument (percentage) to the summary to indicate that the comparative data was collated and analyzed using a specific method / formula.  
  
Since this is a single image, there is no need to spread out the information over 4 paragraphs. The student is consistently using placeholders as taught in books and schools to show how the thoughts should be separated. However, these formats do not follow the basic 3-5 sentence format of acceptable (academic) paragraphs. The summary and the overview should always be connected as connected information in a single paragraph, regardless of paragraph position. These 2 sections will be scored collectively based on its C+C and use of transition phrases / connecting words.
The charts illustrate the percentage of three different age groups in two countries Yemen and Italy in 2000 and the projections for 2050.  
  
Generally speaking, there was more percentage of young people in both countries in 2000 whereas more people getting older in 2050.  
  
In 2000, almost the whole population of Yemen consist of people under the age of 60 with 96.4%, and only 3.6% of the elder who has more than 60 years old. While in Italy, nearly one-fourth of the population (24.1%) is elder who has 60 years old plus and another three-fourths of Yemen is below the age of 60.  
  
In 2050, the Yemen population is predicted to increase in the group ages 15 to 59 years old, more than 60 years old, and decrease in the group age of under 15 years old with 57.3%, 5.7%, and 37.0 % respectively. Besides, there will be a significant rise in the proportion of Italy's population of the group age 60 years old plus from 24.1% to 42.3%, and a fall in the percentage of Italian who is below 60 years old.  
  
*
The writer should stop using the placement holder method of writing the summary overview + trending statement. He must practice writing using the individual sentence method that covers one topic per sentence while using proper connecting and transition words to connect all of his thoughts in one paragraph. This is not present in his current writing, a reason why his summary and trending presentations tend to be more on the confusing and difficult to track side of the essay. Next time, utilize the full 5 sentence allowance for the summary overview by using the combined writing method.  
  
When indicating the type of image, there should also be an indicator of the number of images. This is to help the reader develop a full and imaginable idea of how the reports might take place in the succeeding paragraphs. Never forget that the measurement method / indicator is an integral part of the summary presentation and should be presented alongside the age range index. He should also use specific image identifiers to create a more professional / academic presentation. Indicating that the images presented are only charts does not help the reader identify the image type, which is used to differentiate the information provided. By saying that pie charts are presented, the writer will achieve more clarity towards achieving the task accuracy requirements.
I would like to receive advices and grading from everyone to improve my ielts writing. My target is 7.5+. Thank you very much!  
  
**Task 2:  
*Nowadays, many animal species are becoming extinct. Some people believe that countries and individuals must solve this problem, others believe that human beings are more important.***  
  
## Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

  
  
It is true that these days, many species of animals are on the verge of extinction. Thus, many people argue that both authorities and individuals should contribute to the conservation of these species. Meanwhile, there is also a widespread belief that priority should be given to human welfare. As far as I am concerned, I would argue with the statement that more resources need to be allocated to endangered species.  
  
On the one hand, it is incontrovertible that focusing on improving human welfare is of paramount importance. This is because the investment to achieve the conservation objectives is usually of a substantial and long-lasting scale. Meanwhile, the national and local authorities can utilize these abundant sources of money to provide funding for other necessary problems including preventing illiteracy or enhancing healthcare services. Furthermore, it would be also impossible to dictate to the residents to pay attention to something unrelated to them, especially for those who are on a tight budget, in which they have to shoulder an ever-growing financial burden.  
  
On the other hand, it is also noteworthy that the conservation of endangered species in the wild and the improvement of human welfare need to go hand-in-hand. This can be explained that some particular animals also play a crucial role in the maintenance of the ecosystem, which means that the their disappearance can potentially lead to several unprecedented consequences for the environment. For example, bees or butterflies are responsible for numerous agricultural output. Thus the decrement in the number of these animals can push the world to the edge of food or economical crisis. From the livelihood perspective, the promotion of wildlife conservation also efficaciously stimulates the availability of well-paid jobs for indigenous people. Besides, individuals should also play a part, by condemning all forms of animal slaughter and avoiding the consumption of wild animal products.  
  
In conclusion, I concur with the argument that wildlife conservation must not be separated from developing human welfare. Besides, the responsibility of saving endangered animals should be also shared by both government and residents.
There is no need to authenticate a statement that cannot be found in the orginal presentation. If this is a supporting statement for the writer's opinion, then it should be placed alongside that sentence. It currently exists as a scoring negative in terms of accuracy presentation.  
  
I cannot understand why the writer is constantly changing the discussion slant by constantly using corroborative words.These statements are totally unnecessary in a comparative opinion discussion. He will obviously not have a good C + C score since he cannot stick to the discussion instructions. This is a failing score essay based on the low to failing major scoring considerations.  
  
There are more issues with this presentation but these 2 are enough to highlight the task problems that will lead to a failing score, even without other scoring problems added. Fix there 2 problems first. Follow the discussion instructions. Use the comparative argument format.
## **DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND STATE YOUR OPINION**

  
  
**Topic: Some people believe that personal happiness is directly related to economic success, while others argue that happiness depends on other factors.  
Discuss both views and state your opinion.**  
  
The definition of happiness is different depending on individuals. While there are some arguments that it is obviously related to achievement in the economy, I personally believe that happiness significantly relies on many other aspects of our lives.  
  
It is undeniable that money plays an important role in our lives as we need it for all our basic materialistic needs. People have to spend a particular amount of money on food and clothes shopping as well as on house rent, water, gas, and electricity bills every month. There are also many luxurious entertainment activities that involve money, like parties, travelling, eating out, and shopping for branded clothes, which are indispensable for a joyful life. With financial freedom, we can enjoy the freedom of freely doing and buying the things we want. The lack of money may, in some cases, cause desolation since people often have to carefully estimate how much money they are allowed to spend on what.  
  
Nevertheless, I still believe that happiness more likely comes from other people's insights, such as love, family, passion, and hobbies. In other words, if we pay more attention to things around us, we can easily catch up with happiness in many corners of our life. For example, for people in loving relationships, happiness can be as simple as staying or hanging out with their partners, or even simply seeing their cheerful smile. Besides, getting up every day with good health is also a prospect of happiness, and it leads to a productive life as we have a good state of physical and mental well-being to work and enjoy life.  
  
In conclusion, although economic success clearly contributes to the satisfaction of life, I do believe that true happiness, which cannot be bought by money, comes from meaningful values in our living experience.  
  
I really hope to receive the feedback for this essay! Thank you.
The definition  
This is a sentence that strays from the original presentation. Nowhere in the prompt is the writer asked to define what happiness is. That belongs to a different essay topic. By using this reference, and not rephrasing the original 2 point of view presentation, the writer has created a prompt deviation that will cause a scoring down of the preliminary TA score. So, regardless of the appropriate personal opinion, the TA score will not be a well scoring one.  
  
Use of a general and personal statement in the discussion paragraph does not meet the public V. personal opinion requirement. Scores cannot be provided properly for the GRA section due to the lack of pronoun usage (3rd person group and first person). The writing ability presented here is severely limited. The appropriate written debate format should have been used.
The map shows the transformation of a city from 1990 to 2005.  
  
Over the 15 year period, this city saws significant developments from small to modern city in transportation, factory and business district.  
  
An airport was built next to a school in the northeast town, while the southeast development saw a new ferry port linked to a new railway from the east to west town. The houses were constructed around the hospital in northeast town, while the most houses in the southwest converted into apartments. Between 1990 and 2005, two apartments were converted in the southwest town. Furthermore, two apartments were built in northwest town near the lake.  
  
Over the time period, the business districts were developed. In the southeast town, the factory was developed after demolishing trees and houses in 2005, the people could shop in supermarket because it was set up in the southwest town in front of the residential area.
The writer needs to expand on the summary overview section since a single sentence is not acceptable as a complete paragraph, which is the requirement for the paragraph presentations, regardless of paragraph intent. So 3 sentences minimum, 5 sentence maximum, no run-on sentences.  
  
As an examiner, I will be looking for a balanced discussion over 2 paragraphs for this presentation. That means the essay should use more of a reporting style than an analytical style of presentation. So, there should be 2 paragraphs for the report covering:  
  
- The old city design  
- The new city design  
  
The lack of old design reference means the writer did not even bother to look at the design similarities and changes as it applies to the use of these areas. So the explanation will be seen as lacking in relevance and development.
## Females participating in parliament

  
  
The supplied chart demonstrates the percentage of females participating in parliament in 5 European countries over a span of 12 years commencing from 2000.  
  
Overall, it is clear that the proportion of female members of parliament in 5 targeted countries experienced an upward trend, with the figure in Germany almost remained the highest during the timescale.  
  
Looking at the supplied chart more closely, it can be observed from 25 percent in 2000, the proportion of the number of women in France's parliament above 35 underwent a gradual growth to approximately 7 percent at the end of timescale. Similarly, the number of female members of Germany's parliament experienced a slight increase from above 35 percent to about 35 percent in 2012. During the same period, an upward trend can be seen in the figure for female members of Italy's parliament from nearly 26 percent to above 40 percent throughout the surveyed period. In addition, 2010 marked the year when the number of female members of Italy's parliament became equal to that of Germany's parliament with the figure for about 36 percent.  
  
From a low of merely 5 percent in 2000, there was a near fivefold increase in the percentage of female members in UK's parliament with the figure for about 25 percent at the end of period. From 2004 to 2008, there were more and more English women participating in parliament from 9 percent to about 20 percent, while the data on Belgium growed slowly. A slightly downward trend can be seen in the figure of Belgium. The year 2012 marked the point at which the number of female members of UK's parliament overtook that of Belgium's parliament.  
  
*   
*Line Graph*