dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The prompt requires you to discuss both views and give your opinion. There is no clarity in reference to the opinions being presented in this essay. As a 3 paragraph essay, you should have clearly presented an opinion after discussing the 2 public points of view. As such, you have failed to completely address the task. You did not provide a clear personal opinion within the discussion paragraphs.  
  
Since your essay is lacking in proper reference elements ( first and second pronoun usage) that could have clarified the discussion points, I will not score this essay for now. This is your first attempt at task 2 writing. It will not be fair for me to give you a low score when you have yet to familiarize yourself with the discussion presentations. I should only score you after you have become more familiar with the discussion requirements and presentation process. I will do that next time.  
  
In the meantime, familiarize yourself with the discussion formats for the task 2 essay. Brush up on your language skills to add to your English proficiency in terms of sentence presentations. Once I see that you are more on track with the essay discussion instructions, I will begin scoring your presentations.
## childhood obesity essay in writing ielts task 2

  
  
Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries. Explain the main causes and effects of this problem, and sugesst some possible solutions.  
It is said that the increasing rate of overweight children is one of the worldwide health issues in recent years. Obesity has a negative impact on children's life. In this essay, I intend to explore the sources of this phenomenon along with some possible solutions to it.  
  
Chief among the causes of this problem is consuming food. It is often seen that many children are fond of burgers, chips and cokes. These types of food have easily been found in canteens are at high level of fat and sugar. Consuming them to excess results in serious ailments not only obesity but also high blood pressure, heart disease and diabetes. Moreover, in this modern era, parents those who are too hectic at work to cooking at home tend to prepare convenience food including frozen dinners, canned pastas and salty snacks for their children. This calorie-rich diet is making children obese. Another contributing factor is less active. The obese intensely stare at a computer or smartphone screen for hours. Therefore, the amount of calories unnecessary does not be released after feeding. It is recommended that kids around the age of 5 should have from 1,500 to 1,750 calories a day. Equally importantly, though, psychology issues also give rise to childhood obesity. Some negative emotions particularly in stressful or bored frequently appearing in adolescents make them lost control in weight. Clearly, there are so many unprejudiced and subjective reasons existing around us.  
  
While being obesity has some adverse effects, there several measures can be implemented to address it.  
Changing the eating habit might be an effective solution as there are amounts of nutritious overhauls. Take vegetables and fruits as an example. Swapping children's usual mid-morning snack for salad and chop a banana over breakfast cereal. Additionally, parents have been encouraged to take their children to go out so that they can enjoy outdoor activities such as camping, swimming and climbing. Furthermore, schools can add sports in their curriculum to maintain physical fitness in their students. Only doing physical activities, can extra calories be burnt, and balancing the portion of cholesterol in the blood.  
  
In conclusion, It is an indisputable fact that obesity in children is responsible for many factors; however, a number of approaches can be taken to reduce the illness and strengthen a healthy lifestyle.
I think you should organize the body in 2 ways:  
- 3 paragraphs presenting causes, effects and solutions respectively or  
- 2 paragraphs, each paragraph presenting 1 cause, its effect and solution to it.  
  
The essay requires presenting causes and effects, and propose solutions but you haven't included effects on your thesis. You should also work more on your conclusion. A good conclusion should include summary and restatement of thesis.
You are not properly developing your paragraphs. You need to use related information from topic to topic per paragraph. That means, If you start the topic off with food, then all of the succeeding information must related to that topic within the paragraph. That is what will create a coherent and cohesive presentation for that paragraph discussion.  
  
By the way, you reference food in the essay. However, what you referred to in the discussion is junk or fast food. You must be specific about the type of food consumed because there are healthy food sources and there are bad food sources. You are referring to the latter so you should identify it as such within the discussion topic presentation for that paragraph.  
  
You cannot balance the portion of cholesterol in the blood. However, you can control your cholesterol intake by consuming healthy food that counters the cholesterol produced by other foods in the body. That said, there was no need to present that reference in the discussion paragraph. All references to physical activity already made the discussion paragraph well informed. You bungled the presentation by adding cholesterol to the discussion.
***Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world.  
## Do you think this is a positive or negative development?***  
  
It is often said that countries are becoming more identical than ever before. This is because nowadays people are able to reach the same products anywhere in the world . I completely agree with this and I believe this phenomenon is a positive development.  
  
The first advantage of this development is that it fosters world economic development. With free flow of products due to globalisation, people from all over the world can now access to diversified goods, this helps logistics industry thrives and boosts economic development. Meanwhile, by the time citizens commute to work or travel, they would miss the taste of their hometown food, availability of same products around the globe can then serve give them a sense that they are not far from their home country. This further allows the free flow of experts and talents across countries without the restriction of the lack of hometowns' necessity and food. For instance, Canada is an international country with products supplied from everywhere, this can cater for every people's need and has attracted worldwide talents.  
  
On top of economic development, products existing everywhere can create social harmony. As we all know, products are carriers of a country's culture, what we experience from a product are what the country's social value reflects. Through understanding the usage and stories behind the product, we learn to accept and respect the cultural differences between countries. As time goes, we are tranied to become a better global citizen by having mutual respect towards one another. An example is that Kimchi is a well known korean food which conveys the korean culture- healthy life style through food fermentation. The more culture we understood, the better social atmosphere we can create.  
  
In conclusion, availability of same products across places may reduce the uniqueness the each country, we should never neglect the benefits it brings in terms of ecnomy and society.
There are 2 errors in your opening statement:  
- Lack of paraphrase for the phrase " the same products anywhere in the world" (paraphrase: worldwide, locally, everywhere)  
- There is no need for an extent response as it is not required by the original prompt.  
  
You stayed on point with your reasoning paragraphs. You were focused on defending your opinion using valid examples, reasons, and supporting information from your personal knowledge and experience. However, the discussions were still under developed because you used 2 topics per paragraph. Only the first topic was fully developed in each presentation. That would have caused points deductions on your part in an actual test.  
  
There are several spelling and grammar errors in your presentation but these did not prevent the clarity of your discussion from coming through. Your conclusion is a run on sentence. Please divide the conclusion into 3 - 5 sentences that summarize the previous discussion points based on topic, reason, and your response to the question.
## Destination of uk graduates in 2008

  
  
The bar charts give information about destination of UK graduates and postgraduates ( excluding full- time work) in 2008.  
  
It is noticeable that the major path that UK graduates and postgraduates chose was to further their study. While the number of students involving in voluntary work was the least among graduates and postgraduates in 2008.  
  
For UK gradustes, the major career path after their graduation was furthering their study, this accounted for nearly 30000 students. The number of students decided to have part-time work and unemployment were about the half of the students in further study, which were around 17000 and 16000 respectively. However, for voluntary work, only approximately 3500 university students had involved in, this was a one in tenth of the number of students in further study.  
  
Looking at the UK postgraduates bar chart, we can also see that a majority of students determined to continue their study, the number of them were around 2700. With the number of postgraduates having no jobs was about the half of students who extended their study, UK postgraduates having a part-time job was 200 less than students kept studying. Finally, only 345 students engaged in vlountary work, the least among all.  
  
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You did not outline the sectors being measured in the graphs within the summary overview. These sectors will help the reader create a mental picture of what it is that you are going to be reporting. Always provide a complete run-down of all the information provided. It helps deliver the idea that you have appropriately reviewed the image provided.  
  
Always provide the trending statement as a part of the summary overview so that you can present a completely formatted (3-5 sentence) paragraph for the examiner's consideration. While the trending statement may be placed anywhere within the essay, it is most effective as a grading booster if it is placed within the first paragraph as that is the part of the report that allows the reader to have a summarized presentation of the overall report. It also helps you properly format the paper within the 3 paragraph requirement of the Task 1 essay.  
  
Make it a habit to always review your work for possible errors prior to your submitting the paper. Always look out for spelling and grammar errors.  
  
Spelling:  
gradustes - graduates  
vlountary - voluntary  
  
Such simple spelling errors will result in point deductions under the LR scoring section.  
  
You should also work on showing a proper range of grammatical expertise by using proper punctuation marks within the essay:  
- 17000 and 16000, respectively
## Pros and cons of smartphones

  
  
There is no doubt that owning a smartphone is gaining in popularity. This trend has both positive and negative aspects which will be examined below.  
  
On the one hand, there are some undeniable advantages of owning a modern mobile device. Firstly, it helps people to have more means of communication. My friend, for example, when studying abroad, can either make a phone call or send text messages in the blink of an eye to his parents to keep in touch, instead of sending letters which often took days to reach the destination. Therefore, thanks to smartphones, they can stay connected much more easily, regardless of location. Secondly, by providing a wide range of applications, a smartphone is also a great tool for entertaining. For instance, after a hard-working day, my father usually watches his favorite films or listens to music on Youtube, Spotify and Netflix as a way to relax and relieve his stress.  
  
On the other hand, owning such a cutting-edge gadget also brings numerous disadvantages. The first shortcoming is that smartphone can be highly addictive. For example, many studies and research have shown that American adults utilize their phones excessively in a day to check for new notifications and messages from Facebook or Twitter. This overuse of mobile device has proved to not only interferes with their work but also contribute to anxiety, depression and other mental-health problems. Another major drawback is that smartphone use while driving can increase the risk of car accident. As when the driver decides to check his or her text messages, phone calls and emails, they often take their eyes off the road. Consequently, they fail to keep a proper lookout and to pay attention to surrounding dangers because of distractions caused by the cell phone, and are more like to cause an accident.  
  
In conclusion, although owning a smartphone can assist users in communicating and entertaining, this tendency also causes several negative points.
The more appropriate number of words for the Task 2 essay is 275-290 words. An essay written within that word count indicates that the writer was more focused on delivering a clear explanation, within the quickest possible time, so that he could begin working on perfecting the content of his essay. Writing any more than that range of words means that you do not really care about the quality and clarity of your work. Your lack of care shows in your work.  
  
The first paragraph is a paraphrase of the original content / prompt. That means, you should have anywhere within 3-5 sentences presented there. You only have 2 sentences that skips over the important discussion points from the original presentation. Your paraphrase is incomplete. That lack of information will affect your TA score as you have not completely developed the discussion presentation in that paragraph.  
  
While you should be presenting at least 2 discussion topics per paragraph, the problem with your presentation is that the second topic in the paragraph is always under developed and little detailed. That is because it is not a reason that directly relates to the previous reason given. For cohesive purposes, you should present 2 topics in one paragraph that support one another discussion wise so that the paragraph becomes completely developed.  
  
The concluding paragraph should never be a single sentence long. You must present it in a manner similar to the opening paraphrase. The paragraph must have 3-5 sentences that represents the restatement of the topic, your discussion reason and evidence, and closing opinion. That is a properly developed discussion summary.
## Mobile phones addictive and antisocial?

  
  
Smoking is considered as an anti-human action because of the worst effects, it has in every aspect of our life. The same thought exists for using a cell phone. There is a growing trend which is supporting the idea of banning cell phone usage in critical locations the same as what happened for smoking. I strongly share the same opinion because it ruins human rights and is a major distractor on certain occasions.  
  
People often complain that they had been annoyed by the others who have used their cell phones in public places. This behavior is not accepted in public and is against human rights. It will cause physical and psychological impacts on people. Signals which is transmitted by cell phones have destructive effects on our body. The possibility of being affected by brain cancer increased immensely when a large crowd of people uses their cell phones in public places. On the other hand, phone alarms and notification sounds are a serious disturbance factor that threatens social health. Anxiety and stress levels will raise highly by distractions.  
  
Individually speaking, using cell phones in certain places and occasions has brought the main disadvantages. In workplaces, the staff has spent a significant amount of time with their cell phones which decreased productivity. It takes a considerable amount of time to focus on a piece of work when employees get distracted by a phone call or answering a message. The other case which is more dangerous is using a cell phone while driving. A large portion of car crashes has been happened during using a cell phone for teenagers. There are lots of other reasons playing a huge role in convincing governments for banning cell phone usage.  
  
In conclusion, smartphones have their own unique benefits and expected to ease human life. However, there is a risk of being addicted to their usage. Strict legislations are required to prevent disadvantages and merit their benefits.
of ~~the~~  worst effects its  
~~, it has~~ in every aspect of your life  
The same ~~thought exists~~ goes for  
~~which is~~  supporting the idea the public are  
~~ruins~~ human rights violates  
~~On the other hand~~ Besides ( You cannot use on the other hand alone, it should be accompanied with on one hand)  
~~are a serious disturbance factor~~  worsens noise pollution in public area
While your response is correct, your reasoning paragraph could have been better. When asked to give an extent response, the reasoning paragraphs always score better when you follow the format below:  
  
Reasoning 1: General opinion discussion that integrates a personal opinion  
Reasoning 2: Supporting example discussion based upon your personal experience and/or knowledge  
  
By using the above format, your essay provides a clear discussion that balances the public and personal point of view. The personal example in support of your opinion helps to add clarity & cohesiveness to your presentation.  
  
While the essay does have several grammatical errors, these do not hamper the understanding of your explanation. However, you need to use a uniform time reference point. For this essay, you should be using the present tense reference as you are discussing events as you know it to be happening in real time.  
  
The conclusion requires more appropriate information. That means, you have to restate the topic, your reasons, and the degree of your dis/agreement as a recap of the discussion.
Overseas study has recently become more popular than ever before. Despite its enormous benefits, it is still believed to have measurable demerits.  
On the plus side, overseas study is beneficial in many ways. First of all, students can equip themselves with prominent skill set. Surrounded by strangers and having no acquaintances, they have to apply their social skills and language skill to make friends and integrate themselves into the foreign community. Moreover, that taking of themselves is a key to surviving in the new environment makes them become independent of their family, which they did not use to when living with their parents. All of these will prepare many necessary skills for them to lead an independent life. Secondly, immersing themselves into the education system of their host country, they can have a open view about the world. Students can have an opportunity to build up their relations with the peers who may come from all over the world. This helps them encounter a myriad of distinct cultural perspectives, traditions and religions.  
  
On the minus side, overseas study is fairly disadvantageous. Firstly, stress and anxiety of culture shock is inevitable. Despite having known about differences in their host country's culture, they still fail to catch up with the change. this can lead to amounts of stress and feelings of frustration. Furthermore, studying abroad is such a expensive thing. Travel expenses, accommodation fee, tuition, books and supplies and overall cost of living can add up quickly. With the fear of running out of money, students are ready to reduce all necessities such as food, clothes and grapple themselves with a bunch of part-time jobs. This will lead to poor academic results and declining health of students.  
  
It is obvious that overseas study has certain benefits. However, its thorn disadvantages cannot be ignored by students who make a decision whether to study abroad or not.
Hi! Here are some feedback based upon my knowledge:  
- I think that the word "demerit" is not suitable, due to its meaning  
- Plural noun fix: skill sets  
- " that taking of themselves is a key" --> quite confusing  
- "immersing themselves into the education system of their host country, they can have" --> "**By** immersing themselves..."  
- "On the plus side, overseas study is beneficial in many ways." --> repetitive statement. It will be better if you go straight into the point.  
  
- "On the minus side, overseas study is fairly disadvantageous." --> also provide excess information.
## East and West of a country - different agriculture

  
  
**The charts below show agricultural production in two different regions of the country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
The charts illustrate the percentage of agricultural production in two various regions of the country including the Eastern Region and the Western Region. Overall, while the popular production in the Eastern Region is meat, grain is the most agriculture production in the Western Region.  
  
In the eastern region, the highest popular production is meat, with exactly 35%. The second popular production raised is diary that accounts for 30%. This is five percentage point difference between the top two popular productions. Vegetables and grain made up the lowest proportions with 20% and 15% respectively.  
  
In the western region, on the other hand, it is only concentrated on grain and meat that make up about half and a third of agricultural production respectively. Dairy falls to 15% and the lowest popular production is vegetables with only 5%.  
  
In general, there is a different distribution of agricultural production in both two regions of the country.  
  
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