dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## magazines will be soon be replaced by online news

  
  
Some people agree that despite the spreading popularity of many types of social meadias, traditional newspaper will disappear in the near future. I completely agree with the statement that internet news will hold the most vital position among readers instead of magazines and newspapers.  
  
Firstly,the convenience and easy access of internet will attract people to reading online news. With the wide spread of internet access around almost every conrner of the world, along with the rapid development of portable devices such as mobile phone, people can easily read news and look up information online.For example, latest news about a terrorist or a robbery will be updated almost immedately on news channel. In contrary to newspapers and magazines with many complex procedures such as printing or editting might not be able to update news to users in terms of the updating speed  
  
Secondly, using internet-accessed devices to find out information is much cheaper and give owners more advantages than traditional means do. Internet users can put a lot of money aside for other stuffs instead of spending money on buying new magazines and newspaper per day.Furthermore, online news is able to convey visual information such as videos and sounds while paper can not do.For instance, people can listen to a new song of a famous singer or rewatch their favorite film anytime they want with only an internet-accessed device.  
  
In conclusion, I personally believe newspapers and magazines will soon be replaced by online news in the near future.
## Convenience food pros and cons

  
  
These days, most of the people have grown up on a diet of convenience food particularly in ready-made food instead of cooking at home. They claimed that they don't have enough time to cook meals at home as they are struggling with their education purposes or business matters. However, these ready-made food might lead to be harmful to our health. In this essay, I will discuss why the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.  
  
To begin with, one of the main disadvantages of purchasing ready-made food is that it can cause various diseases and health problems. The more pre-prepared meals you eat, the more likely to suffer diseases such as obesity, diabetes and heart diseases. Most of them often contain too much salt, sugar and fat. Moreover, it might lead to get serious diseases even cancer as they are treated with some chemicals in order to be long-lasting.  
  
Furthermore, the most important thing is that no one can know how these food are produced. Sometimes, they are manufactured in some industries which are in unhygienic condition or environment. Some of the companies just follow the trends of profit rather than providing better food quality. They might use some dangerous chemicals or things to get better taste or smell. That's why it is impossible to believe these meals' qualities comparing to the cooked meals at home.  
  
However, there are also some advantages of buying ready-made food. They are so cheap to buy and easy to be available. It also saves time, money and energy as we don't need to put an effort to cook meals.  
  
In conclusion, it is clear that food plays an important role in everyone's life. Diet is relatively linked with human's health. In my opinion, eating ready-made food make us get serious health problems and chronic diseases even though they provide some positive sides. That's why disadvantages outweigh any advantages.
Hey, very good transitions and well-structured paragraphs!!  
  
*I would suggest choosing either "our" or "they" in your essay and not use both:*  
  
"They claimed that they don't have enough time ... to be harmful to our health".  
  
*Avoid "I", instead, use:*  
  
~~In~~ This essay, ~~I~~ will discuss why ...  
  
*Also just a few suggestions on the wording of some lines:*  
  
They are so cheap to buy and easy to be available. It also saves time, money ... - **Food that is prior made is cheaper and have a more convenient availability than home-cooked meals. Ready-made food also saves time, money and energy as most people don't feel like putting the effort to cook meals.**  
  
Hope this helped :)))  
  
@DarthPhaedr
@Cherry may  
Hello there. I'll provide you with writing feedback on your writing to assist you in this process.  
  
Firstly, try to focus on improving the clarity of your language. For instance, instead of mentioning that something is for "*educational purposes*", try to just mention that people are often *too busy with nonpersonal affairs to give sufficient time for cooking*. If you can have this more striaghtforward approach to writing, you'll be able to curate meaningful sentences. This will help you trim down your writing - at the same time, you'll be able to focus more on prioritizing content that you truly need in the long-term.  
  
Furthermore, I would improve the structure of your conclusion. You can create this portion with a smoother flow if you can transition in between your sentences with more intention.  
  
Best of luck.
## participation in lesson classes

  
  
The diagram illustrates the statistics of student attendance in four schools over the course of 7 years starting in 2001.  
Looking at the graph it is immediately obvious that the quantity of students fluctuates in each school over the period shown. Royal Latin registers the highest biggest figures however the Didcot Secondary is virtually unchanged at the end.  
  
The number of students in Royal Latin stood at roughly 545 in 2001. This figure went up 745 students in 2007, and it noticeable that only the quantity of students in this school increased in each year. A similar trend was witnessed in, which have the students varied between 2001 and 2007 and, moreover, is also the school with the most students.  
  
It is apparent that the number of students increased from 2001 to 2007 in two school Royal Lantin and Page Hill respectively compare with the other schools. The graph also shows that the quantity of students in order had changed between Royal Latin and Didcot Secondary.  
  
CAN SOMEONE GIVE ME SOME ADVICE ABOUT THIS EXERCISE ?
@Longan  
Hello there. I don't know if it's just me, but I cannot actually see the graph you have provided. It would be better if you could have clarified this in order toassist us in providing feedback for your writing exercise.  
  
In general, the flow of your essay is quite put-together when it comes to the overall content that you have. I would only recommend trying to emphasize more on specific portions. Try to have more organization when you are descibing in order to have more clarity in the language of your text. In addition to this, try to also structure your sentences in a simpler and more concise manner. Do not squeeze in too much information in your text. For instance, in your second paragraph, the last sentence appears to be quite cluttered because of this rationale.  
  
Best of luck as always.
## age of a good leader

  
  
**The question: some people say that young people should be the leader, others say the old is better. Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
**MY ESSAY:**  
*Commonly, the elder is usually the leader, director, and manager of everything. However, there are some people think that the young are better at controlling. This passage will discuss both perspectives and give my commentary.  
  
First of all, it is beneficial when permitting the young to become the president. Because of their strength, dynamic, and supreme energy, they can work longer than the old ones, which means they can contribute more to the country. Secondly, they have positive, creative, new modern thinking that may develop the country. For instance, instead of preventing the flood by dikes and damps like humans usually do, the young will preclude that by digging a big hole on the ground which can stop the flood as well as saving some money. This is already applied by Japan's government and it worked effectively.  
  
On the other hand, allowing senior people to lead the country also gives some advantages. The old always have more experiences than the young. In other words, they can do work that nobody can not. Taking Donald Trump, the president of the USA as an example. This gentleman can predict the future so precisely that avoid so many disasters such as the economy's fall, incoming war and more all because of his experiences . Secondly, the old have a more practical thinking that may enhance the country better than the idealistic thinking of the young. Donald Trump has built a wall against Mexico in order to take care of his country and avoid criminals in Mexico too while the young may let them in because of pity which can cause consequences in the future.  
  
Both views all have strong points, but personally, I think it is not important to choose the leader through age. It is more essential to choose the leader through their thinking and behavior. Even though that the old have better thinking because of their experiences, that better thinking actually can make a downward trend. Due to being too intelligent, people become more greedy and dictatorial and the results is clear. Thus, there is another factor that decides a leader, moral.  
  
In conclusion, both perspectives has its pros and cons, but in my view, i think to become a leader, they must have a practical thinking, righteous actions and good moral.  
  
( Somebody please help me how to reduce the length of this essay, i think this passage is too long and it may downgrade my points :V, is that so then help me because whenever i meet this kind of question, i always make it long even though i try to make it short and clear :V. It will be helpful if u help me thank you very much )*
@Dang Khoa  
Hello there. I hope you're doing well. I'll try my best to help you in this essay. I hope this will be beneficial for your essay in the long-run.  
  
In general, I do think you are right when you say that you need to reduce the overall length of your essay to create a more concise structure. Doing this will help you have more meaningful sentences iwthin a shorter frame. In order to do this, I recommend evading the usage of filler words that do not contribute to the overall sentence of your writing. For instance, evade using the word "*some*" when it's unnecessary. The fundamental rule of thumb that you can follow is that, if you can remove a specific word and still have the same meanignful content, you can opt to remove it.  
  
Best of luck as always. I hope these guidelines wiwll help you.
## Some people say that celebrations are a waste of money

  
  
People often relate celebration as a confirmation of happiness, when music, food, and relations are inherent to be a part of joy. Against the wave of having no problem in spending money on these occasions, there is a strong disapproval in which folks believe such huge wages should not been wasted.  
  
For individuals who consider parties as crucial, these are the most suitable time to share happiness widely and create more memories. Wedding, birthday or a grand opening ceremony are the result of people in their quest for love and success, which mark a meaning in their lives. Getting people involved in these events is a way to tell happy stories and exchange positive emotions. Moreover, the moment when people spend time to come and cheer, dance, sing with party holders creates a memorable piece of life, together with building a much stronger relationship.  
  
In the opposite viewpoint, others may disagree with that way of spending partly due to their objection to showing-off lifestyle. Making a vast investment on celebrations doesn't add more positive feelings to event holders, but rather the temporary satisfaction when their achievement, together with the affordability for big events, reach out to people. More dangerously, it can result in a meaningless money-based tradition, and those not having firm financial background are likely to suffer from unconfidence and self-suspicion.  
  
Personally, I totally disagree with the way in which money are spent uselessly on celebrations. As long as human being continue to depend on the physical values in seeking for inner happiness, in the end what they can find is merely vague experience they have created to impress people.
@athachng2002  
Hello there. I see that you're new here. Welcome to the forum. I'll be providing you with writing feedback. I hope you find the feedback you're looking for here.  
  
Generally, you need to work on your grammar. There are technical aspects of writing such as the consistency of text and tenses that need a little bit more work. Furthermore, your usage of punctuation can also be enhanced and worked upon.  
  
Try to incorporate more substantive and concrete examples throughout your writing. How do you say that spending does not equate to happiness and satisfaction in these celebrations? How have you observed this? In which particular events is this more noticeable?  
  
Being specific will definitely help you in the long-run.  
  
Good luck!
## *e-books are popular these days*

  
  
Over the past few years, the growth of the Internet, mobile banking and home delivery services have made online reading. And there has been a considerable increase in a number of people reading online. In my opinion, I strongly agree with this statement due to several reasons as following:  
  
First of all, E-books are greatly cheaper than traditional ones. On the computers as well as smartphones, you merely pay 100 thousand dongs per month and you can read any books you want. For example, if you purchase Sexo Oculto, you have to pay nearly 420 thousand dongs. Yet when reading online, you only pay 6 thousand dongs.  
  
On top of that, e-readers can be convenient and quick. Book buyers can choose books that are not physically sold in their local areas. It means that instead of having to travel, they can use the Internet to buy their expected ones at their home. Only by a click mouse, you will have a book immediately. For instance, when buying Shecklock Homes, it takes us 5 seconds to wait for it.  
  
Lastly, the books we read online are portable. If you purchase electronic textbooks, it will be much easier to carry them home and back to class. You can even load all of your books to the phone that you already carry with you anyway. This allows you to keep your entire library in your pocket, so your textbooks will be available to you wherever you are.  
  
At the end of the day, reading online is advantageous for readers due to cheapness, convenience, and portability. Therefore, it is advisable to have mobile devices to read e-books.
Hello @tranphuongnhi  
After reading your essay, i found out that this sentence is confusing. "e-readers can be convenient and quick". I guess you want to write something like this, "buying e-books is more convenient and quick ". this also will have correlation with the next sentences in the paragraph.  
  
in addition to this, there is no correlation in "... services have made online reading" with your reasons. for the second and third paragraph you only describe about the advantages of reading e-book. I think the main topic of this essay is about the growth of the internet, mobile banking and home delivery and how it's services affect our way in reading.  
  
I hope my feedback can help you to reevaluate this essay. thank you.
@tranphuongnhi  
Hello there. While quite late, I'll try my best to provide you with a bit of writing feedback on your writing. I hope this assists you somehow still.  
  
The structure and manner of composition of some of your lines can be confusing. Try to carry a firmer tone when you're writing to ensure that you do not lose the meaning of your words. You can do this through focusing more on the specific meaning of words. For instance, try to be specific. What do you mean by how "*mobile banking*" has *made* "*online reading*"? If you can be more specific as to how this has progressed, it would be better for your writing.  
  
Bear in mind these specifics and you'll go a long way. Best of luck as always!
*Please feel free to advise. Thank you!*  
  
## Hospital's development phases

  
  
The diagram demonstrates how Queen Mary hospital has developed over the three different time periods(1960,1980 and 2000).  
  
In 1960, the hospital was located just along the main road with a shopping centre right next to it. The land sitting on the back of the hospital was used for car parking, while on the opposite side was a farmland.  
  
By 1980, the shopping centre was demolished due to the extension of hospital buildings: cancer centre and pharmacy. Moreover, a nursing school was constructed to replace the farmland. All the while, the car park area stayed untouched until later.  
  
In 2000, the cancer centre expanded to cover the entire nursing school. Meanwhile, the parking area was reduced into half so there was enough space for nursing school to be relocated next to it.  
  
Throughout the period, the main hospital building remained the same. However, the parking lot was resized due to the extension of nursing school and cancer centre.(159 words)  
  
*
@lichien0422  
Hello there. I'll provide you with additional writing feedback.  
  
I think that, generally speaking, the flow of your articulation is quite put-together. You had quite an extensive grasp of what these portions mean. Because of this, I would only suggest trying to improve the manner in which you transition between your sentences. Try to curate composition that's more flowy and smoother in terms of moving between all the lines. For instance, try to reduce the usage of words such as "*so*" that have more formal alternatives (therefore, thus, etc.). The usage of these words that carry a more academic tone will help you appear more structured.  
  
Best of luck.
## properties rented vs bought

  
  
The chart compares the percentages of properties rented with properties bought by people from England and Wales between 1918 and 2011.  
  
In more detail, it can be found that during the first 40 years the household owned by people outnumbered the household rented considerably. However, as time moved on, the gap between these two data narrowed until 1971 when both of them equaled.  
  
During the last 50 years, as shown in the chart, the number of properties rented went to skyrocket to a record high of nearly 70 percent, doubling the number of houses bought, and, on the other hand, the number of properties bought went low by more than 10 percent to approximately 30 percent.  
  
All in all, the data shows that the percentage of household rented by people increased from the beginning of the chart to the end. On the contrary, the other one presented an unstoppable decline during the whole 50 years.  
  
(157 words)  
  
*
## Violence in media promote violence in society. Agree or disagree?

  
  
**Hi, everybody, I'm back :)  
The question is above so I don't need to write it down hehe xD**  
**My essay:**  
*It is often argued that brutality in media stimulates brutality in real life. While I agree with this opinion, I still believe that violence surge based on many more aspects.  
  
On the one hand, it is true that violence comes from the media. Many movies and games include some action scenes which attracts myriads of people, especially children. They will try to copy what they have seen in the movie. As a consequence, some will get hurt and the winner in the fight will continue to rampage. Secondly, there are also harmful channels, for instance, "Kha Banh", this individual try to spread a message that children should fight whenever they feel they like. Because of his cool and stupidly funny character of him, his message went viral which creates many spoiled children right now in Vietnam. (@@)  
  
However, I strongly believe that violence in life is not easily promoted through media. It is obvious that many adults now are all knowledged which they should know whether it is right or wrong. In other words, they already have realized that violence is terrible and only used when needed. As a result, parents should teach children about violence until they are enlightened. In addition, there are helpful violent scenes in movies that teach children about when they should use force. For instance, when offsprings are bullied, they will know that they have to use violence in order to avoid pain and scratches.  
  
In conclusion, it is right that violence in media encourages violence in life, but it also based on many facets. Additionally, there are some brutal scenes in movies that teach children about when to use force.*  
  
*
@Dang Khoa  
Hello there. Welcome back! Thanks for your consistent support in this scene.  
  
You're improving a lot throughout time. I think that you have learned to grasp a firmer tone now - and, beyond that, you have also been able to relay information effectively to us.  
  
Try to be cautious of the phrasing of your words. Ensure that your language is clear-cut and specific when you are trying to explain things. For instance, when can you say that children are enlightened enough to have these information be explained to them?  
  
The conclusion is also quite scattered. The second line doesn't quite fit the first, making it messy in the eyes of readers. Try to focus more on the meaning you're building than putting together lines that *might* make sense.  
  
Best of luck.
## integration of languages

  
  
Dear All,  
  
Kindly help me check this short essay. Thank you very much.  
  
Language is a bio-language, it also evolves and perishes. It does not stand still. When the the world integrates, language also integrates. In the past, when I was 18-20 years old, seeing someone speaking Vietnamese mixed with some English words, I thought he or she was so bossy. But then when I grew up a bit, sometimes spoke Vietnamese with some English words; I understand better why and sympathize more for those "bossy" people.  
  
Every day, we also speak with half Vietnamese and half English a lot, for example:  
  
-Mày đi photo giúp tao  
-Em đừng copy bài của bạn khác  
-Mày gửi email cho tao chưa?  
-Quần jeans gì mà xấu thế...  
-Mày share bài quái quỷ gì lên facebook đấy?  
-...  
  
Words like "photo", "copy", "email", "jeans", "share" ... are being used so commonly that they will soon become part of Vietnamese.  
  
Strong integrating places like Ho Chi Minh City, foreign companies in Vietnam, international schools in Vietnam ... use Vietnamese mixed with English very commonly. As in Singapore, strong integration in cultures, religions, races, economies... lead to the so-called "Singlish" (Singaporean English). Singapore use English as the official language, Malay as the mother tongue, and in Singapore, Chinese account for 70% of Singapore's population. So the language in Singapore is a mix of English, Chinese and Malay. For example, a very common conversation sentence in my previous company is often like this: "There is a good restaurant downstairs, you die die must try. Let's makan there lor! "(There is a very good restaurant downstairs, you must try it. Let's eat there!).  
  
In short, I do not promote speaking Vietnamese mixed with English, especially in serious TV shows, but I look at this issue in a friendly and soft way, and I think that integration in language is inevitable.
@buiminhese  
Hello there. I'll try my best to provide you with writing feedback.  
  
If you can separate a particular sentence into two lines, opt to do so as this will help you simplify your language. Simplifying means that you would be able to make concise and create firmer clauses that are easier to digest. Take note of this for your first paragraph.  
  
While I think that the Singapore model is excellent for this written work, the conclusion needs more work. Why do you think mixing English does not contribute positively to these serious situation? What can you recommend then instead?  
  
Best of luck.