dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Unfortunately, this essay does not meet the minimum word count of 250 words. It is severely lacking at 204 words. The percentage deduction will still be considerable enough to prevent your presentation from achieving a passing score. That, is even before the other errors in your presentation are considered and deducted from the overall score. There are several noticeable errors existing in this essay relating to spelling, grammar, clarity, and vocabulary usage. All of which I cannot even bother to review due to the under word count presentation of your essay.  
  
Let me add though, that since this essay is an extent essay, you need to discuss it as such. You obviously did not understand the discussion requirement since you used a comparative essay, that does not relate to the original discussion instructions, for your presentation. So, right off the bat, your essay would have never passed the test. Not even if it met the word count because you did not use the proper discussion format.
## a restaurant's average sales

  
  
The table given shows information regarding the standard sales of Vancouver restaurant in 2016, divided into three different stores.  
  
The most notable feature is that Georgia had the highest average number of all categories studied. It had 854 transactions in total, including 405 on-premise and 449 off-premise, with approximately $11 per transaction on average. In contrast, in Dunsmuir, customers spent just about half compared to the average transaction value of Georgia. Dunsmuir had a relatively high number of average sales in 2016, with 750 transactions divided relatively the same into eat-in transactions and takeaway transactions.  
  
Another striking point can be noticed that despite the lowest number of transactions with only 390, Drake had a high transaction value with over 9$ whereas it was only 5.61$ in Dunsmuir. Drake was also the only branch that had the number of eat-in transactions over the number of takeaway transactions.  
  
Although the customer seemed to interest in chicken related dishes, the most popular item in each branch was not the same. It was the chicken burger in Georgia, chicken Wings in Dunsmuir, and Chicken pasta in Draken.  
  
Overall, Vancouver had three branches with differences in features and the most profitable one was Georgia.  
  
*
You should have discussed this in a group of 3. The grouping would have been as follows:  
  
Group 1: Summary + trending statement (most popular item)  
Group 2: Number of transactions + transaction value  
Group 3: Number of Eat In + Takeaway  
  
Always look at the way the charts are provided and group these into 3. That is the best way to create a comparative report for the information provided. While you did cover some of these points, you did not really manage to cover all the important presentations per group. However, that is not to say that your presentation was incorrect. You just chose to do it in a different way, which the examiner will score with the utmost of scoring considerations just the same. Just remember, there are 3 restaurants, so there should be 3 comparative presentations per group consideration. Sometimes you only provided 2 comparative points, which would mean the information you are presenting is lacking.
## mobile phones features usage

  
  
The table illustrates the proportion of people using mobile phone for many different purposes in the years 2006, 2008 and 2010.  
It is clear that the percentage of using cell phone for making calls was the highest during three years. However, there was noticeable increase in the popularity of six remaining features.  
  
In 2006, The feature accounting for the highest proportion was making calls, at 100%. While the figures for taking photo and using text messages were slightly lower, nearly 66% and 73% respectively. The percentages of playing games and music were less than 20% and there were no figures for people using Internet search or recording video.  
  
Over the following four years, there were relatively changes in the figures for making calls, taking photos and text messages. However, four remaining features saw a significant increase in the proportions of them. The percentage of people using their phones to search the internet climbed to 41% in 2008 and 73% in 2010. There was a considerable increase in the uses of playing games and music, reaching at 41% and 26% respectively in 2010.  
  
*
You should not indicate "over the following four years" because there is a clear divider between the years. There is a gap of 2 years between measurements. So do not go so far forward into your representation, only to take it back by using the 2 year skip system in the same presentation. Overall though, the presentation is clear, although some language issues arise. You did not create a confusing report in your presentation. The information was properly presented within the 3 group format, which added to the clarity of the presentation. Good job on the reporting aspect. Avoid making gap year claims in your future essays if you can. Unless there is a clear representation of decades in the image, it would be best not to use any timeline references to avoid making errors.
## table analysis - food consumption

  
  
The given table illustrates the number of vegetables, meat, wheat, bean, and cheese consumed weekly in grams per capita in a European country in three different periods of time.  
  
It is clear that while the consumption of meat declined over the period from 1992 to 2012, the opposite was true for other groups of food. In addition, vegetables accounted for the largest portion of people's weekly diet in all three years.  
  
In 1992, vegetables made up for 2140 grams in the total amount of food consumed by a person per week, which was almost double that figure for meat and approximately 21 times as much as that figure for cheese, at 1148 grams and 113 grams respectively. Those figures for wheat, bean, and cheese were 837 grams, 532 grams respectively.  
  
In the next few years, the amount of meat consumed weekly by a person after witnessed a significant rise of 63 grams in 2002, fall dramatically to only 1132 grams in 2012. By contrast, the figures for wheat, bean, and cheese increase marginally to 977 grams, 590 grams, and 125 grams respectively. Similarly, that figure for vegetables climbed up to 2220 grams, remained the highest among these five groups of food.  
  
*
In the summary overview, you created a run-on presentation that affected the clarity of the information you were presenting. You should use one sentence for the image type, another for the classifications, yet another for the measurement used, and finally, the trending statement. You also made a mistake in the time reference. It does not cover a period from 1992 to 2012. Actually, the chart shows that the report comes from 3 specific years (1992, 2002, 2012). You can confirm this by reading the instruction presentation. It lists the years separately instead of collectively.  
  
Try not to bunch your information into 2 sentences. When doing a comparison, always separate the information into individual sentences so that the clarity of the information is not affected.
## restriction to control noise

  
  
A moderate number of people believe that restriction should be enforced to control noise. While other people hold the view that they are free to make as much noise as they want, I am of the opinion that it is necessary to diminish noise.  
  
On the one hand, there are several reasons why people would like to make noise. The first reason stems from people demands. In these days, with the development of technology and entertainment, a significant number of teenagers are into turning music with high volume, especially in some parties. For them, it may be a convenient way to relax with friends after a long working day without paying attention to their neighborhood; therefore, it could disturb these neighborhood during rest time. Another reason is the modernization process. For some people who live in urban areas, exposure to noise from car or factories is inevitable. As a result, it is tough to restrict noise.  
  
On the other hand, declining noise is undoubtedly indispensable for citizens. Firstly, it accelerate the risks of contracting disablilities. Suffering from loud noise can have negative impacts on victims ear, which leads to a variety of auditory problems. In addition, it also affects people health. Bearing noise at night may results in the quality of sleep. As a consequence, lack of sleeping time influences in the productivity and working effectiveness in the long-term period.  
  
In conclusion, It can not be denied that people are free to make noise in order to entertain and relax after long hours working. However, they should understand the negative effects on other people to avoid turning noise with massive volume
@Quang Nguyen  
The first thing I would like to suggest to you is that you should put the detailed topic in order that any reader can understand what the purpose is and if you are follow the right way.  
  
Besides, I can see that your grammar seems to be not suitable while it's like exactly a script of the speaking. A/an/the is not trully used, which makes me feel a little confused sometimes.  
  
In the third paragraph, you also should have a conclusion sentence that only concludes the main meaning of the paragraph.  
Hopefully, my comment can help you enhance your score!
This is a dual point of view comparative discussion with a personal opinion discussion essay. You managed to present your personal opinion as a part of the outlined discussion process, but you failed to properly explain your opinion in the succeeding reasoning paragraphs. Therefore, your essay is tangential in response and will not be completely scored based on the prompt requirements. You will have deductions due to the lacking personal opinion paragraph / presentation.  
  
The reasoning paragraphs are not completely developed. The first reasoning paragraph has a properly developed first reason, but an under developed second reason. If you want to score better, make sure to fully develop your explanations. In this case, you only needed to present one reasoning topic and develop it. You do not need a pair of reasons if you cannot properly develop the second reason. It should be developed in the same manner as the first. However, you should only use a maximum of 5 sentences per paragraph, so it would be better to focus your efforts on clearly explaining a single topic instead.  
  
The second reasoning paragraph is not properly explained either. You only use one sentence as an explanation for each topic. That is a very under developed explanation on your part. It is not effective and will not get you a decent score.
## The diagram illustrates various steps in the production of leather commodities.

  
  
Overall, the step-by-step process requires a total of eleven stages, beginning with drying animal skin and ending with the final product.  
  
At the beginning of the process, animal hides are dried before being transferred to a factory in order to be washed by a mixture including water and lime. After that, the hides are passed onto a tank of lime water where they are soaked. In the next phase, the treated ones enter the period of stretching by a flattening machine.  
  
The process continue with these leathers are immersed into the tannin substances followed by the polishing of the ingredients. Subsequently, leathers are loaded onto a truck to be delivered to the factory where they play a vital role in assembling different kinds of leather items such as shoes, bags and balls.
I cannot advice you regarding your approach to the essay due to the lack of image. However, I need to warn you about your word count. You have not written the minimum of 150 words in this presentation. 132 words written means that you will receive points deductions for the missing word count. When you do not write enough words, you can assure yourself of a failing essay score. That is because the deductions will have an overall score lowering effect for you. I noticed your tendency to write only 2 sentences per paragraph. You should write 3-5 sentences to meet the minimum word count or, go over the minimum word count. That is the best way to ensure that you can be properly scored based on all scoring considerations. I cannot go beyond this advice due to the lack of image. Please make sure to upload an image next time to get a proper and comprehensive review from me.
## The diagram below shows how salt is removed from sea water to make it drinkable

  
  
The flow chart illustrates the way of disposing salt from sea water to produce drinkable one.  
Overall, there are four main steps in the process, beginning with pre-treatment for seawater and ending with the integration stage  
Initially, a huge amount of saltwater is pumped into the pre-treatment filter, where large impurities are removed via another filter before being piped back into the sea. Meanwhile, the remaining water is forced through a membrane at high pressure so that the other substances, as well as salt, are eliminated from water molecules and being returned to the sea together with the others mentioned before.  
  
Although the first two steps are proceeded carefully, post-treatment with chemicals: lime, chlorine and fluoride are still necessary to ensure the highest quality of processed water. Finally, the desalinated one is stored at the factory until needed, which can be dispatched later to the integrated water supply system for public usage.  
  
*
Try to create the proper formatting requirement for your presentation. Use 3 paragraphs to create the explanation. Make sure you have:  
- a summary overview  
- process 1 (first half)  
- process 2 (last half)  
  
That is how the diagram is laid out and that is how you should represent the description in your report. Although you wrote 152 words, your essay feels a bit stretched. Probably because you did not manage to create paragraphs that clearly show an integration of simple and complex sentences. It is important that you avoid run-on presentations and use at least 3-5 sentence per paragraph so that you can achieve your maximum GRA scoring potential.  
  
Do not rely on continuous information presentation per paragraph. That creates confusion in the presentation. It makes it difficult for the reader to follow your topic presentation per sentence. Make sure you present only one process per sentence to ensure that you get a better C&C score.
Hi, hope you guys all well, I am about to take the IELTS exam next month and I am trying to achieve a 6.5 in writing. So I genuinely hope that you can spend some time to evaluate and give me some feedback. I will appreciate it so much. Thank you and have a good day!  
  
***Topic 18: At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people***  
  
## Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

  
  
It is generally observed that some countries nowadays possess a high rate of youthful population with a trivial and unnoticeable number of elderly people. Although the drawbacks of this trend are clearly seen, but the benefits of this phenomenon are much more worth-considering.  
  
To commence with, it is incontrovertible that the increase in young people will likely cause some problems. The most significant and detrimental outcome of this trend is the workforce crisis, with an enormous workers and employees combine with people's ever-growing demands on victuals, accommodations, stable financial sources, companies, and corporations are not likely to solve these hard-to-meet demands. Secondly, more young people means a higher reproduction rate and a foreseeable explosive rise in population will, inevitably, happen. This can lead to numerous problems related to people's well-being that will confront us in the future.  
  
But despite all of though drawbacks, the benefits that this trend brings to individuals and their society are invaluable. To start with, a large, enthusiastic, and zealous workforce can support these countries to boost their economy, for example, an increasing number of workers work for a factory means the production of goods will likely to be improved dramatically, which, eventually, brings back a considerable amount of money. Secondly, having young citizens can also help them to make innovative and life-altering changes because they possess young mindsets and different ways of solving problems. Many ideas that are essential and transformative can be created by these people which help the governments and authorities improve people's life. Undoubtedly, these incredible outcomes are definitely cannot be brought by the aging population.  
  
Considering these discussion points, it is my contention that a youthful population is beneficial for many countries. In order to thrive economically and change society for the better, we need these people to contribute their efforts and ideas for the sake of everyone.
Stop using big words like incontrovertible, detrimental, victuals, etc. You are obviously memorizing words from the dictionary, without really considering if the words you are choosing to use are applicable to the sentence or not. That is not how you increase your LR score. You have to make the essay sound natural. You don't need to use complicated and archaic English words to prove your LR capacity. Using simple to intermediate words, that feel natural in the presentation, almost conversational in presentation, will get you a better TA score. Do not try to impress the examiner with complicated words because, he simply will not be impressed.  
  
In the second sentence of your opening statement, simply using the comma takes the place of the word "but" in the presentation. By adding that opposing word at the wrong place in the sentence, you created confusion in the presentation and meaning of your sentence. You have some issues with your singular v. plural word usage so brush up on those rules (means v mean). More concise language presentations will also help you get a better C&C score.
***Historical objects should be brought back to their country of origin.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
It is argued by some that the relics should be placed back to where it originally came from, while others maintain that these items were typically acquired fairly. From my perspective, I believe the former choice is undoubtedly persuasive since it can go a long way to easing resentment between various countries.  
  
In the past decades, there were a wide range of antiques be spread through several countries. The invasion was the root cause of the incidents mentioned above. Those intruders not only destroyed the architecture in the weak states but also lacked knowledge of preserving the historical objects that they stole. Therefore, the culture in the weak nation would be obliterated gradually. The new generation would end up forgetting the culture which was once belonged to them but stolen by the strong power right after. Take China as an example. Around a century ago, British and French soldiers raid China which was ruled by Qing dynasty at the moment. Both armies from the UK and France embezzled the collection in Yuan Ming Yuan. Even throughout the present days, the experts still find it hard to gather those valuables since they are still spread all over the free markets.  
  
On the other hand, the countries who stole from others might distort and display the inaccurate interpretation of the history which show no respect to those states who initially owned the relics.  
  
To conclude, for the purpose of paying respect to the historical culture, I would argue that repatriating the relics back to their homelands is the best route.  
  
One more useless thread title = ban.
Could you please kindly help review the grammar and give suggestions? Thanks in advance!  
  
## distribution of visitors in the pie chart

  
  
The pie chart compares the proportions of individuals who visited 4 kinds of tourist attractions in the UK in1999 based on the results of a survey.  
  
It can be told from the chart that majority of people in Britain visited Theme park, museums or galleries in 19999, while the figure for people who visited wildlife park and Zoos was the least.  
  
The percentage of people who visited theme parks is the highest, at 38%. Among this group of people, nearly half of them chose to go to Blackpool Pleasure Beach. And percentages of those who went to Alton Towers and Pleasureland, Southport are 17% and 16% respectively. Apart form that, the figures for people who chose Chessington World of Adventures and Legoland, Windsor are identical, only 10%.  
  
The figure for people who visited Museums and Galleries is the second highest, at 37%, while people who visited Historic houses and Monuments are 21% less. Finally, only 9% of individuals visited Wildlife Parks and Zoos.  
  
*
Your report is based on information accuracy. There is no reference to a survey being taken in the pie chart. It would be best not to include information that cannot be found in the image or original instructions for accuracy purposes. The image description is actually incomplete. There is also a bar chart to consider that indicates the amusement parks that the Brits visited. The summary overview is therefore, incomplete. There are 2 images presented. The pie and bar chart. Each chart should have received a specific presentation regarding information contained within. Additionally, this particular presentation requires 2 trending sentences. One for the pie chart and one for the bar chart. Information accuracy is important in a task 1 essay. Never omit any descriptions, identify all of the images presented individually and then within its own paragraphs in the stand alone paragraph presentation.
## Annual earnings of three bakeries in London

  
  
The given line graph illustrates changes in the yearly income of Bernie's Buns, Lovely Loaves, and Robbie's Bakery in a period of 10 years.  
  
It is clear that the amount of money earned by Bernie's Buns and Robbie's Bakery experienced a significant increase, while that figure for Lovely Leaves declined considerably.  
  
In 2000, Lovely Loaves dominated the market with an income of 82,000 pounds, in comparison with approximately 55,000 pounds and 20,000 pounds of Robbie's Bakery and Bernie's Buns respectively. After leading the market in 2000, the annual earnings of Lovely Loaves fluctuated at around 90,000 pounds until decreased dramatically to approximately 60,000 pounds in 2005. In contrast, the amount of money earned annually by Robbie's Bakery remained stable at 55,000 pounds and that figure for Bernie's Buns saw a double rise to 40,000 pounds.  
  
In the next 5 years, the trends remained unchanged. Lovely Loaves' income kept decreasing and hit the lowest point of 40,000 pounds in 2010, which were only two-thirds of the amount this bakery earned in 2005. By contrast, the earnings per year of Robbie's Bakery and Bernie's Buns both witnessed an almost double growth to 102,000 pounds and 63,000 pounds in the order given.  
  
*
For the summary overview, you should have included that the measured digits represent the yearly income of the bakeries. That way the reader is clear from the very start regarding what sort of income projections are being presented in your report. You need a connecting word between "until decreased". The connecting word is "It". You kind of missed out on a comparative point in the presentation. For the year 2006, Robbie's and Lovely loaves almost had the same figures. with a very slight difference. You need to try to find at least 1 not so easily spotted piece of information to present in your report so that the examiner will be convinced that you actually took the time to analyze all of the information and graphical data in the presentation. That can really help boost your TA plus C&C score.