dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Peter, this is a very wordy essay at 395 words. I do not advice that you write more than 250 words because you are wasting time writing excess words when you could be using the extra time allotment for editing, revising, and improving the content of your essay. You need to learn how to say more things using less words. Build your vocabulary. Wordy essays will not get you anywhere because in the actual test setting, you will find that you will be pressed for time and may not be able to complete your essay if you insist on going beyond 250 words.  
  
Due to the wordiness of your essay, you ended up creating overly long paragraphs. You tried to get around the 5 sentence requirement by using commas to connect your thoughts, which resulted in run-on sentences and overly discussed lines. While long paragraphs with long sentences may look good on paper, it does nothing to improve your GRA score. In actuality, these long sentences, which use commas in unnecessary portions simply because you want to keep on talking even though the topics no longer relate to one another, will result in reduced GRA scores. Don't unnecessarily risk your scores in favor of being talkative. Keep it under control that is why the 5 sentence per paragraph rule was set into place for this test. Practice saying more with less words. It is all in the vocabulary use. Improve your English vocabulary to an intermediate level and you will find that you will not need so many words to express yourself.  
  
As for the examples that you use. You could get better scoring considerations in the C&C section if you do not focus on a particular country, such as Australia, when giving examples. Use general terms because the prompt did not focus on a specific country in its presentation. The discussion you present must be applicable to any situation or country, not just one specific place. That will show a more generalized analysis of the situation and a better discussion on your part.  
  
In the concluding paragraph, it would have been stronger if you had presented the opposing point of view first. That way, you can continue to weaken that reason based on the summarized discussion points and then, a repeat of your point of view.  
  
Overall, you have showed an ability to analyze and appropriately discuss a given topic. I am just worried about the length of your discussion because you may be doing yourself a disservice if you continue to write excessively long essays with a total disregard for the time you need for strengthening your essay within the given time frame.
**Topic**  
*Many people who leave school hold a negative attitude towards learning. Why does this happen? How to solve the problem?*  
  
## youngsters bad opinion on schools

  
  
**Answer**  
It is true that our society sees an increasing amount of adolescents who are not satisfied with their education at school, especially after graduation. There are a variety of possible reasons for this, but steps can be taken to tackle the problem.  
  
In my opinion, two main factors are to blame for why young people are cynical towards study. The essential one of which is that most young people suffer overwhelming pressure with their studies by the current education system. Schools are just as demanding as a full-time job, and teachers expect their students to do homework and even exam revision on top of attending their classes every day. As a result, it is undoubtedly reasonable that people who once had such experience would not have any willingness to continue to study after graduation.  
  
Apart from the essential reason, another also significant reason is that there exists a manifested gap between what students learn and what they do need in practice. Traditionally, students are trained to work individually and follow instructions given by their superiors or other senior mates. In today's fast-paced world, corporations tend to recruit talents who can work in a team, particularly within interdisciplinary programs. Also, those people who are full of fresh ideas are the most popular candidates at the job market. Thus, students are naturally disgusted with old-fashioned study provided by their colleges or universities.  
  
However, students'attitude can certainly be improved. It is more beneficial to safeguard reasonable free time for young people. In this regard, we should encourage them to enjoy it with their friends or do spend it doing sports and other leisure activities. Moreover, to satisfy practical demand from industries, that university and college should introduce experts who are experienced in practice, establish co-operated platforms with sectors and send students to various institutions or departments for the sake of enhancing their practical skills. Consequently, when these children leave school, their success and harvest from previous experiences will help them continue to study.  
  
In conclusion, students will continue to reserve an adverse impression towards study unless our education system and school demonstrate their adjustments.  
  
---  
Thanks in advance for any feedback!
Yu, are you responding to a direct question essay? You forgot to indicate what kind of essay type you are practicing for. The reason I need to know whether you are responding to a direct question or a discussion essay is because each type uses a different opening statement. If you wrote this essay for a direct response essay, then your format is correct but short on the required number of sentences for a paragraph. If you are responding to a discussion essay, then your presentation is totally incorrect. The proper presentation for this prompt would be:  
  
*Individuals who depart from learning institutions do not have a good impression of the learning process. I believe that there are two reasons for this impression. Based on the 2 reasons that I will be presenting, I will also present a possible resolution to the situation.*  
  
All of your paragraphs must start with the topic sentence instead of an introduction sentence. That is the best way to start the essay based on the allowable 5 sentence format. The topic sentence kicks off the paragraph followed by a supporting explanation, an example presentation, then a transition sentence. You got that part of the requirements correct in most of your presentations.  
  
However, you solution presentation lacks focus. Since this is the 3rd body of paragraph for your essay, you need to present a solution that responds to both the situations you previously presented. That way, you can fully explain why this solution will work for both problems instead of your current presentation that does not fully explain how these 2 solutions are supposed to help solve the predicament. Remember, each paragraph discussion should only have one topic per paragraph. That is why there is only one topic sentence at the start of the paragraph.  
  
The concluding statement is insufficient. It must be composed of no less than 3 sentences (just like the other paragraphs in the essay) and should appropriately summarize the discussion presented. What you presented was just a new topic sentence that was not fully developed. Therefore, this is not an essay that was properly concluded. You are missing an actual concluding paragraph in this instance.
## leisure time activities

  
  
Hello everyone. I am delighted to be here today to tell you about activities which I usually do in my leisure time. Except the study time, I usually have some relaxing activities. I like listening to music or the radio, reading books and to adding subtitles to videos. These things help me relax and feel cheerful. It takes me one hour a day to listen to Chinese radio stations because it is so interesting and useful for me. I can improve my listening skill a lot. Besides, I also go to book coffee usually. Coming there, I can listen to music as well as read my favorite books. I plan to read one book a month. I like coming there alone because I feel comfortable and peaceful. I also like adding subtitles to videos. Adding subtitles is a quite hard job because I have to spend lots of time and effort for it but I am acquainted with some friends on the Internet. They are so enthusiastic and they help me a lot. I also have a channel on Youtube where I update the videos subtitled by myself. This job makes me very happy. Thanks for listening. See you later.
This essay is not good enough. It has grammar structure problems. You are confused about when you should use the term "come" and "coming". In this instance, the term you should have used was "going". What is the difference? It all lies in the word meaning:  
  
*come - to move or journey to a vicinity with a specified purpose  
coming - an act or instance of arriving  
going - advance toward an objective*  
  
Here is an example of word usage for the three words:  
  
*Come - I have the money. Come here to get it.  
Coming - I am coming. Just wait for me at the house.  
Going I am going to to the coffee shop to have some coffee and read a book. I like going there alone.*  
  
Is book coffee the name of a particular place you like to go to? If it is, then you should capitalize the name as it is a proper noun and falls under the proper noun usage guidelines.  
  
You also have instances in this statement where you use a connecting word when it is not required. Such as when you said " Adding subtitles is a quite a hard job." I should have been; "Adding subtitles is a hard job." in order to make a clear statement of fact.  
  
There are other problems in grammar usage with this essay that I simply cannot correct in one post. One piece of advice though, try using a grammar checker such as Word 2016 or online grammar checkers in order to spot the spot the mistakes you made and how to correct them.
## a great boss - who's that?

  
  
The quality of work done by a group of people is always dependent on how well the person who leads the team is able to manage and distribute the work amongst the members. The role of a good supervisor is definitely tough and there are several characteristics one must possess to be able to lead a team. the qualities that are foremost, to become a well appreciated supervisor would be i. fair and equal treatment of the people who work under him/her, ii. Constant efforts in building the morale of the team, iii. Encourages and challenges team members for the betterment of the team and the individual.  
  
A good boss would never differentiate between his/her employees. He wouldn't put one employee over the other due to personal preferences. He is expected to give equal opportunities and treatment to his employees. For instance, there shouldn't be any bias in his decisions on the basis of gender. Every employee should be equally trained in order to showcase their potential.  
  
He would maintain a cordial and professional relationship with each and every employee. For example, if a team member puts forth their idea which does not match with the idea of the supervisor, he must not take it personally. The supervisor must consider this idea and if the idea/plan is genuinely good then he should appreciate the team member and go ahead with it. Every boss should be open to discussions and frequent huddles with the members of his team. This would allow his employee to present their thoughts without any hesitation. I believe this would help in increasing enthusiastic participation by the team members in the work allotted to the team. This would play a role in building a rapport amongst the members of the team.  
  
In addition to this, the most important aspect of a boss is the ability to equally distribute work. A confident boss would not prefer to do all the work instead would trust his team members by allocating work to them. For instance, he understands that there is a time limit to reach a particular goal for the team and since each of them is working towards the same professional goal, he would trust his employess and also the training provided by him and would encourage his team members to show their capacity.  
  
In conclusion, The responsibilities of a supervisor are immense and that is why one must execute these with utmost dedication. Both the supervisor and the employees must work together with mutual respect for each other. If these qualities are met in a person, then we have found ourselves a great boss.
KGayatri, please make sure that you outline the paper in the proper manner. At first I thought that you had made a sentence structure and punctuation error when I saw the "i." plus information at the end of it. It wasn't until I read the succeeding markers that I realized this was an outline presentation done in the wrong manner. Always use bullet points in the presentation in order to avoid confusing your reader.  
  
Avoid using slash marks in your discussions. For example, in the second paragraph, rather than saying " his/her" for employees, you could have gone non-gender specific instead by saying "their". In today's PC age, the non gender conformist references are more acceptable than the more specific gender references. The specific gender references should only be used when you are absolutely sure of the gender of the person you are referring to. Another example, don't say "idea / plan", you can't use both terms to discuss the topic. Since you are talking about leadership in a profession related form, it is best to use the term "plan" as that is what is often developed in a work setting.  
  
Keep your tense usage in present tense because you are discussing an ongoing development or point of view in this essay. Additionally, you should not suddenly use the second person "we" reference in the conclusion when you have used the third person reference throughout the essay. Don't suddenly include yourself in the discussion when you did not make that reference from the start. Keep your person references consistent.  
  
Even though your essay has problems, your presentation is acceptable. It is logical, presents a proper discussion to a great extent, and is informative to read. So you did a good job in those aspects of the essay development. The problems you have, can easily be corrected in your next essay if you just keep the mistakes and the corrections in mind.
## Unpaid community service for pupils

  
  
**Some people believe that unpaid community service should be compulsory part of high school program (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sport to younger children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
It is frequently believed that people have contrasting views about volunteering activity for pupils which becomes one of compulsory activities in their school. However, some argue that community service should not be obligatory for them. Having said that, I moderately agree with this idea.  
  
In recent years, a volunteering activity is considered as a mandatory programme which presents a major merit for pupils. First and foremost, involving in this activities will trigger pupil's awareness to other people which develop their life skills, such as teamwork, empathy, and self-discipline. In fact, they will conscious about current situation trying to find a splendid solution. Many students, for instance, dedicate themselves for helping an orphan who lives in the orphanage to have a good food or make some event to boost their life spirit. Secondly, this sort of activities will generate positive aspect in terms of communication. By following this programme, they will definitely meet and cooperate with others which boost their communication skill. Hence, they should speak in order to socialize with others, such as elderly people, younger children, and even their classmates. This sort of skills are not taught in the classroom, so immersing in community service will make them into a sociable person. Taking into account, unpaid community service should become one of the programmes in the high school.  
  
A further reason is a creativity, it is commonly said that volunteering activity improves their ideas in terms of finding solutions. Pupils will be freed to adopt a different approach of doing their work which bolsters their ideas and make them more creative. For example, in case of teaching sport to younger children, they will try a unique way to persuade children to follow their movement. In contrast, I believe community programme is not an absolute imperative for pupils. We can see that many students have a lot of subjects to study and that would be difficult for them in case the volunteering activity is made compulsory for them. They will profoundly face many obstacles in the academic area and sometimes they might be failed in the examinations. Thus, students have their own right to choose to be volunteer or not.  
  
To sum up, it will be better if this programme still exists in school due to their benefits to pupils. Yet, I believe this activity should not be compulsory for students which make them to be freed to choose regarding their interest.
Fitri, your essay is not properly representing the original prompt discussion topic. This has forced an error on your part which will affect the ability of your essay to receive a passing score due to a significant prompt deviation. That means, you totally misunderstood the topic for discussion.  
  
*Original Discussion Topic: Some people believe that unpaid community service should be compulsory part of high school program  
Your Discussion Topic: It is frequently believed that people have contrasting views about volunteering activity for pupils which becomes one of compulsory activities in their school.*  
  
If you review the original discussion topic, you will see that you went off tangent and began discussing something that is not part of the original prompt. This signifies a prompt deviation and thus, altered the whole discussion for the essay to a certain extent. The original topic says "some people believe". You are saying "people have contrasting views." Since only one point of view was represented in the original prompt, your discussion has become totally wrong in relation to the original topic given for discussion. This discussion is simple, either you agree or disagree with high school students should be part of an unpaid community service program of their school. You are offering an opinion of contrasting views that is not represented in the original. Your essay will immediately fail in the TA section because of this deviation.  
  
You keep using the term "pupil' in the essay which refers to a child in school. An adolescent attending high school is referred to as a "student". Using the wrong term throughout your essay signifies further evidence of your lack of English vocabulary skills and understanding. A "pupil" is in elementary while a "student" is in high school or college. The first is used to signify early education, the latter, advanced education.  
  
There is also a failure on your part to properly format the essay in every paragraph. Your body of paragraphs are composed of more than the maximum 5 sentences per paragraph. You only have 3 body paragraphs with which to discuss the most salient points of your defense. In this presentation, you are not appropriately developing your discussions because you are trying to discuss too many in each paragraph. The standard is one reason per paragraph. I believe I already told you about this before when I previously corrected you.  
  
Your concluding statement is not appropriately formatted either. You need 3 sentences, minimum to summarize your presentation. You used only 2 sentences. That means, you have not properly developed the conclusion based on the C&C requirements.
Question:  
*In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and stating university studies.  
Discuss As the advantage and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this*  
  
## work or travel before study?

  
  
Answer:  
After finishing studying at high school, the teenagers choose having job or travelling before coming at university life. This essay will try to explain the beneficial and detrimental of it.  
  
Having break before studying at tertiary school favorable for youngster, they can enrich the experience for outside world living. The environment will improve them about the way to get survive also make better relation to other people. While they earn their own living, adolescent makes their life independently. Changing the habit is the requirement for their life. It seems that they should start by changing their mindset to get struggle and Taft or having a strong mental to face the reality of world. There is a lot of items that can support them to develop their soft-skills also having a good communication. Sometimes they also need to refresh their mind for reducing kind of stress or shock because of new custom, so it is really important for young generation right now.  
  
Despite the positive of choosing break before studying at higher education level, I believe that the break time has a great number of downside. As we know that coming to university needs much more preparation and it can cause failure at that period and should be waiting for the next year because the test only held once a year. Moreover, having a job means getting moneys for them, it can cause the youngster live in comfort zone and forget to improve their studying for legalize their knowledge or view. Forgetting the point, for only taking break a moment, it will make the youngster spends much more money because the time needs it much longer.  
  
Restate the thesis, the condition of adolescent nowadays is different, whether they directly continue for studying in the higher level or taking break for a moment for getting job or refreshing their mind can give them strength and weakness for their life. Just take the positive side of the journey of life after finishing secondary schools and recover the negative, so it can support to get the better one.
## Kids immunisation decision

  
  
Children's vaccination has proved its protective effect from various diseases. While proponents of vaccination vote for obligatory vaccination, I suppose that parents should be allowed to choose whether immunize their children or not.  
  
It is well known that children are vulnerable to many different diseases because their weak immunity. Parents look after for their children and protect their health from all possible illnesses since childhood. Nowadays the number of vaccines for newborn is determined by governments in many counties. However, while immunization against some diseases such as tetanus or whooping cough is might be very effective, we still have a little knowledge about harmful effect of vaccinations. Sometimes unknown effect of vaccination can lead to unexpected consequences or even a child's death.  
  
As parents are responsible for their children, they do not want to subject them to any harmful effect. When a mass immunization programmes are implemented in a country, this could cause a risk to the whole nation. As every child is individual, we can not to prevent the children's reaction to a specific vaccine. Moreover, the chemical content of vaccines is unknown and parent's education about its usefulness is low. Some parents also have religious beliefs which are not allowed them to immunize their children, thus their needs should be considered before introduction of obligatory immunization.  
  
To sum up, I strongly believe that in spite of proved positive effect of artificial immunization, every person has a right to choose what would be better for his or her child. Before making a decision parents should weight all pros and cons of vaccines, and government should take into consideration parent's warnings and give them right to choose.