dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Improving the road safety

  
  
Task 2: The only way to improve road safety is to give much stricter punishments on driving offenses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
  
It Is true that stricter punishments are necessary which can reduce the danger from drunk drivers or many motorists. However, I strongly disagree that this is the only way to improve road safety because there are substituted measures which would also be useful.  
  
I believe that there are some other rules that we can launch to protect our life on the road. To be clear, stricter punishments should be hardened, and it will be effective because everybody is afraid of those punishments. For example, drive motorbike while you are drunk, it is prohibited and should be banned from driving at least six months. The reason that there are hundreds of accidents which were caused by drunk people in the last months and those disasters always cam with the consequences many innocent people died and caused trauma for the society. People who travel on the road cannot feel safe any moment, because if they are not careful, they can be killed by a crazy driver or a drunk vehicle.  
  
Moreover, there are other steps which can improve road safety. Firstly, installing a speed camera is a necessary thing that a nation should do. For example, we can catch all the road crimes who drive over-speed or specific prove for investigation. Many authorities around the world have adopted this very cost-effective measure. Secondly, traffic calming measures have succeeded in reducing the number of accidents.  
  
In conclusion, to improve road safety, it is not enough to be tough on traffic crimes by punishing more harshly those who violate the law. A range of road safety measures should accompany harsher driving penalties.  
  
Please give me advice on improve my writing thanks
@vietable  
Let's look at your essay technically and in terms of content to fully assess it.  
  
First and foremost, I would be wary of your usage of relative pronouns. When you cannot structure these items properly, it can affect the overall output that you have in your essay. What I would suggest is always trying to reread your sentences out loud so that you may be able to tell which portions come off as unnatural.  
  
In addition to this, I suggest being more cautious when it comes to constructing your sentences. Once you have gotten this out of the way, you'll be able to create more concise structures that will let you optimize the space that you have in your essay.  
  
Giving out generalized terminologies before proceeding to the technical/specifics will also help you create a more dynamic/deductive outline. Establishing your content like this will help you have more of a flow for your essay that is more reasonable.  
  
**Let's revise a few portions of the essay in accordance to these guidelines.**  
  
Stricter punishments are necessary to reduce the danger of driving offenses. However, I strongly disagree that this is the only way to improve road safety because of other alternatives.[...]  
  
**Notice how I had tried to evade using repetitive terminologies.** And instead of beating around the bush to expound the thoughts, a more straightforward approach to writing will always be preferred over other means.  
  
In terms of content, I suggest that you try to add more details and specifics. While you have given brief examples, they are not quite as detailed as would be preferred for you to truly expound on your thoughts and opinions on the topic given to you. It's insufficient for you to explain the scenario - instead, try to allocate space in actually discussing ideas through concrete experiences.  
  
*Keep these in mind as you are revising. Best of luck!*
## Libraries necessity in the modern world

  
  
Students today can easily access information online, so libraries are no longer necessary. Do you agree or disagree?  
It is true that people, these days, prefer reading and seeking information online to reading books and magazines in libraries by means of the available Internet. From my perspective, even though there are a huge variety of benefits of Internet in information providing functions, I would argue that libraries are more superior.  
  
On the one hand, reading online is becoming a common feature among people, and students in particular since it is probably cost-effective and time-saving. In fact, youngsters are more likely to have access to information and knowledge on the Internet whenever and wherever as long as there is a good wi-fi connection, and they do not have to spend a great deal of money buying books or commuting to book stores in a regular basic. Moreover, Internet offers a wide range of information and news in different fields, which are not only national ones but also international ones. Thus, just with a click within seconds, people may have a massive amount of information appearing in the screen, which results in enhancing and upgrading the knowledge for people.  
  
On the other hand, books in particular and libraries in general are still perceived to strengthen their dominant role in the world of technological advances. Firstly, books are deemed as a reliable source of information since they are written and edited carefully by professional experts and writers as well as censored heavily prior to be published and released the public. Hence, books allow students to do research in depth without worrying the accuracy and precision of information. Secondly, for those who would have the feeling of touching every single page, books and magazines are genuinely still essential. It is obvious that due to the hustle and bustle of city life, people just want to enjoy their days by reading a traditional press, sipping a cup of coffee, and turning over gently each page, which is extremely enjoyable and pleasant.  
  
In conclusion, notwithstanding the fact that people and students find it easy to look for knowledge online, libraries are still dominant in our life, at least in providing reliable information and experiencing the feeling of touching each page.
@Brenna Vo  
Watch out for the formatting of the structure of your sentences. I have noticed that you have a tendency to add unnecessary phrases that do not contribute anything to your essay's content. What I would suggest is that you try to be more concise in your writing through having more straightforward structures. Doing this will help you sharpen your writing skills in the long-run.  
  
**Let's revise a couple of lines.**  
  
**The internet has made people prefer reading information online over through books and magazines in libraries. From my perspective, even though there are benefits from the internet, libraries are still superior.. [...]**  
  
Notice how I had tried to evade using repetitive terminologies and attempted to trim down the word count as much as possible through removing lines that are unnecessary. I had also tried to integrate more techniques when it comes to moving between sentences/thoughts *(ie. placing in the correct punctuation)*. Doing this will enrich your writing style more.  
  
*Keep these in mind as you are writing and revising. Best of luck!*
## Overall understanding about the world by young students

  
  
Please help me suggest an approximately band for this essay. thank you ^^  
  
**Some people think secondary school students should learn international news as one of their subjects, while others believe that this is a waste of valuable time. Discuss both views and give you own opinion.**  
  
It is believed that secondary students should be exposed to international news as an official subject. However, I hold my contrary opinion on this matter because of some reasons.  
  
Students in secondary school are too young to have a deep and clear understanding about the world. In addition, news about the world always change day by day so we are not able to update information immediately. It would be viewed as a waste of time. Students could not learn about a ton of diverse information and they must spend more time in important subjects such as Maths, English, Literature.. so on. Another thing that the violence portrayed in many of today's news stories could affect student's conduct.  
  
On the other hand, we can not refuse some advantages that international news bring us. These definitely improve our general knowledge. The news coming from all over the world presents significant details about different regions. Therefore, students can enrich their experience and broaden their horizon. Maybe, it also helps them develop ability to analyse sophisticated situations.  
  
I believe that students will have a general view of the world by many different ways, they can find out on the Internet or TV that have amount of useful information. School takes a responsibility in guiding students how to use the media in the best way to gain a better understanding of the world instead of adding international news as compulsory subject in the curriculum of secondary school
@Shaha1511  
Try to be cautious of the forms of verbs/words that you are using. Consistency is crucial in academic writing. In relation to this, always try to stick to a certain tone when you are writing. Having an academic/informative tone is important.  
  
When you're writing within a word count, I always recommend being more concise with your words. Doing this will help you trim your word count.  
  
**Let's revise a couple parts of your essay accordingly.**  
  
Secondary students are proposed to have exposure to international news. I have reservations regarding this due to some reasons.  
  
Students in this level are too young to have a deep and clear understanding about the world. [...]  
  
I recommend changing the arguments following this portion. It is insufficient for you to say that lack of access to up-to-date information would be a reason to have this as a subject matter. Instead, focus more on how this age is a pivotal moment for them to learn more fundamental subjects.  
  
*Keep these in mind as you are writing. Best of luck!*  
  
*Not giving out a specific band, but I believe you're heading towards the right direction. Just keep writing.*
## school until the age of eighteen

  
  
I'm preparing for the IELTS. Now I'm writing an Ielts essay. But I'm not sure which band my essay is. Here is my essay  
  
Topic: Everyone should stay a school until 18  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
  
My essay  
  
It is true that people should remain studying at school until the age of eighteen. While it is a positive trend, students completing their studying are apt to have more chances to gain a good job, some drop-outs may turn into a successful and affluent people.  
  
On the one hand, staying at school until eighteen can bring a great deal of benefits and pros. Firstly, it is essential that people have universal knowledge of , which can help them cope with difficult situations in their life and explain some natural phenomena. On top of that, studying at school until adulthood and little effort is synonymous with obtaining a degree which can see them through difficulty in finding a good job. Furthermore, this trend will create a more educated future generation of people which can eliminate some social and unemployment problems  
  
On the other hand, it is this idea that brings a number of cons with it. Teachers tend to provide to-take-exams knowledge for students that can not make them feel exhilarated. The minority of students may have had a clear career orientation, so what they need is real-world knowledge is not provided at school. Some other students, may be geniuses, can complete their studying way before the age of 18. What they need is to work or to start up. And for those who wish to pursue a career that requires more practical learning, such as a qualified builder or electrician, it is unnecessary to remain at school until eighteen.  
  
In conclusion, there are a number of pros from remaining at school until the age of eighteen, but having said that, I personally reckon that there are still some cons from this idea  
  
Which band do you think my essay is? You can judge anything about my essay.  
Thank you very much
@Duong Duc Minh  
While I think that you have laid out perfectly your details, I think that, in terms of technicalities, there are a few things you should be wary about.  
  
**Watch out for the forms of the words that you are using**. Use appropriate/relevant preposition and punctuation at all costs because these tiny slip-ups can cause you the entirety of the essay in the long-run.  
  
**Try to not be repetitive when you are describing situations**. Always ensure that you would continuously reiterate sentences that are unnecessary to your content. When you are substantiating your thoughts, try to evade lines that are just adding baggage without adding information. You should always be contributing something positive/in addition to what you already have. When you find yourself having repetitive thoughts, try to always ponder and ask yourself more questions. This is useful to develop more in-depth writing.  
  
**Let's revise a few of portions of your essay.**  
  
On the one hand, staying in school until eighteen can bring benefits. Firstly, education helps people have more knowledge about universal concepts. Once they graduate, the degree they hold will also help them into adulthood. This can help eliminate social and economic issues such as unemployment.  
  
Notice how I had tried to remove words that are unnecessary and simply merged together thoughts and concepts that are necessary for your essay's overall content. Doing this will bring more direction to your essay.  
  
*Keep these in mind as you are writing. Best of luck!*
## Our planet covered by rubbish

  
  
It is generally agreed that the amount of rubbish created by humans today is a worldwide problem. What do you think are the main causes of this situation? What measures used to tackle?  
  
Rubbish is created by humans all over the world, which is gradually increasing, especially over the last decades. Although a myriad of reasons and methods is provided by activists and scientists, the problem has become a global issue, which should be solved as soon as possible.  
  
There is an abundance of reasons for this issue is a global problem. Firstly, a huge amount of trash is one of the major reasons causes environmental problems such as air pollution and climate change nowadays. For example, since burning plastic and chemical rubbish creates a huge amount of carbon dioxide, which is emitted directly into the air which contributes to global problems including air pollution. Moreover, if rubbish is dumped into the river systems, it will destroy the marine animal system there. For instance, by throwing trash, such as plastic bag and non-recyclable trash, away to the river system, which causes death to many fish and other aquatic animals.  
  
Today, some measures are now used to combat this problem. The most effective way to fight climate change is reducing the dependence on plastic bags and other rubbish in general. This could be using paper bags and another kind of recyclable material instead of plastic, which reduces rubbish is created by humans. Furthermore, since alleviate environmental problems is caused by rubbish, we can collect trashes and use alternative energy sources.  
  
Trash and issues surrounding it is a global problem, which impacts on every person all over the world. I believe that to decrease the greenhouse effects people should be aware of tackle environmental problems.
hi @phamhaitb  
there are some mistakes you should pay more attention to such as:  
... of reasons for ~~this issue is a global problem~~, ( reason for sth/doing sth).  
... of the major reasons ~~causes~~ ( causing)  
... directly into the air ~~which contributes~~ (contributing) to ...  
  
Today, some measures are ~~now~~ used to ... The most effective way to ~~fight climate change~~ ( irrelevant word) is ~~reducing~~ ( to reduce) ... which reduces rubbish  ~~is created by humans~~ ( which is created by humans).  
  
You should review some grammar structures like relative clauses, compound and complex sentences
@stayhungry  
To avoid overbearing nitpicking, I'll divide my comments into clusters; this will help you trim down how you can potentially improve your writing. In situations wherein the writing has to be in compliance of being technically aligned, it is alright to filter out unnecessary lines to ensure that you are able to showcase your information as clearly as possible.  
  
1. When you're doing academic/technical writing, being straightforward is crucial. This is to avoid misaligned information. It is also wise to evade lines that are too opinionated. These thoughts do not have space in this particular form of essay writing as you are expected to give out factual details only. In addition to this, evade using terms that are merely superficial. (For instance, you can omit the world seriously in the second sentence of your introduction as it does not have substantial meaning in the paragraph.)  
  
2. It is vital that you keep track of using appropriate preposition, punctuation, and grammar. When writing technical content, these small details can impact the overall quality and delivery of your essay.  
  
3. Be cautious of small mistakes in your grammar. (For example, in the second paragraph of the introduction, the second to the last sentence should be: Fake news tend to provoke controversies compared to fake news.)  
  
4. In line with the third point, try to avoid using unnecessary adjectives. (In relation to the sentence I corrected, there is no need for you to mention that it is a tremendous controversy as the word controversy on its own is already indicative of something big).  
  
*Keep these in mind next time you are writing. Best of luck!*
## The priority of some subjects in schools curriculum

  
  
The question:  
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?  
At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support.  
  
My answer:  
Personally, I agree with this statement. Since being in school is not always about late night studying. Getting along with your peers, and cultivating interests are also significant in our lives. Hence, having the same financial support is crucial. There are several reasons to support my thought.  
  
First, mastering in all kind of sport can boost our mental and physical health. For example, I was on the swimming team in my university. Several years ago, there was a serious epidemic in our country. Almost all of my classmates suffered from it. However, only my team member and I didn't fall victim to the disease. It is because exercising can not only be a hobby, but also a remedy to all the health issues. What's more, it saved the money to see the doctor. It was a decent investment.    
  
Secondly, through these social activities and sports events, we can meet so many intriguing people. There is an old adage in Chinese, that is, you can learn so much by only walking with three different people. You can bond with people who share the same interests of you, and learn from their admiring features. It is something that can't be taught in class! Also, without saying, It is always nice to have someone by your side when needed.  
  
  Furthermore, taking part in team sports or social activities is a great way to learn cooperation. Being cooperative is a great quality in the workplace. If we study all day, but never experience the team work, then what's so special spending time in school with other people? In other words, it is essential to spend money on these activities to encourage students to be a team players in the future.  
  
In conclusion, we should value sports, social activities and academic life the same in universities. Because they are good for our health, and beneficial approaches to meet people; last but not least, marvelous opportunity for students to learn about team work. Therefore, we should agree that having the same financial support is a must.
@lelett  
*Try to avoid repetitive language when you are writing.* When you find yourself having excessive sentences, always read over everything and omit as much unnecessary text as you can. This is crucial if you are writing within the means of word counts because you need to be able to nurture your essay's meaning more when you have substantial sentences.  
  
Watch out also for the forms of the verbs/words that you are using. Always make sure that you are consistent with the tenses that you use. If you find yourself inconsistent, try to be cautious next time you are writing.  
  
In addition to these, I also suggest looking over the structure of your sentences. The way that you write can often appear to be dragging rather than explanatory. You should always opt for simpler structures to ensure that the information you want to deliver does not get taken out of context.  
  
**Let's revise a few portions of your essay in relation to this.**  
  
I agree that sports and social activities should receive equal financial support. Self-development is not just cultivated through studying; socialization and external interests are taken into account. There are several reasons to this.  
  
[...]  
  
Notice how I had used *more academically correct terms* (self-development instead of saying that they are significant parts of our lives, socialization instead of getting along with peers, etc.) to create more depth and dynamics in writing. Try to implement this technique throughout your essay.  
  
*Best of luck!*
## the nutritional consistency of two dinners

  
  
A glance at the two given charts reveals the issue of nutritional value of the two selected meals, namely medium baked potato and macaroni, counted in percentage. All in all, while carbohydrates possesses the most significant proportion, saturated fat and other nutrients account for only negligible portion respectively.  
  
With regard to medium baked potato, 35% is the figure for carbohydrates, which is the most remarkable feature, closely followed by protein with 25%. Surprisingly the third most preferred position belongs to other nutrients and glocose with their figures merely halve that of carbohydrates while saturated fat lies last with 10%.  
  
In terms of macaroni, the crown is still sustained by carbohydrates, taking up more than half of the total amount of nutritive value. At the opposite end of scale, other nutrients constituted only one-fifth of the aforementioned substance. Lastly, glocose and protein possess the homogeneous volume of 11% while that of the remaining substance is two times higher.  
  
(Can you please suggest an approximate band score for this essay. Thank you.)  
  
*
@duongduong\_tran  
When doing technical/analytical writing, always evade *using unnecessary terms that prolong the sentence*. Remember that your understanding of the graphs is what matters. Doing this will create a more tailor-fit content to your essay, capitalizing on what should be emphasized. You should disregard terms that do not create depth in your analysis.  
  
**Let's revise a few portions to show you what this pertains to.**  
  
The charts reveal concerns on the nutritional values of medium-baked potatoes and macaronis in percentage. In totality, carbohydrates posses a significant portion - alongside saturated fat and other nutrients that take up smaller portions.  
  
Medium-baked potatoes are composed of 35% carbohydrates, followed with 25% protein. Surprisingly, the third most preferred position belongs to other nutrients and glucose with their figures halve that of carbohydrates. Saturated fats come last with 10%.  
  
The current format you are following with an inductive approach is already appreciated in this interpretation; I suggest keeping it up!  
  
*Best of luck in your writing!*