dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The essay, though with constructive discussion points, suffers from a lack of proper development, incomplete word references, and under developed paragraphs. I think you rushed through the presentation and did not really pay attention to perfecting your work, even though you had more than ample time and word count to do so. It is important to always review your work before the time is up so that you can spot incorrect grammar, insufficient explanations, and add clarity to certain discussion points. By the way, you should not be referring to who can solve the problems at the end of the paraphrase, you should be referring to actual solutions since the question was not about who can solve the problem but rather, what can be done to solve the problem.  
  
In this case, the following are your incomplete phrase or word presentations:  
Greenhouse is the main... - Greenhouse GASES are the main...  
Transport is the major carbon emission... - ... TRANSPORTATION is the major SOURCE OF carbon emission...  
  
One of the major presentation problems in your essay is the lack of proper paragraph development. In the first reasoning paragraph, your presentation was coherent for the most part. Then, the cohesiveness disappeared when you presented the second discussion topic. Although it may have been related to the first discussion, the lack of connecting explanation between the two topics created a lack of clarity and an underdevelopment of your presentation. Since you only have 5 sentences per paragraph, you should always present connected discussion topics this way:  
  
- First topic sentence  
- Reason for this topic  
- Related topic sentence  
- Example that connects the 2 topics  
- Supporting discussion 1  
- Supporting discussion 2 or transition sentence into the next paragraph  
  
The same format should be used in the 2nd reasoning paragraph as well. That was also confusing to read as there was no clear connection between the government and people solution. The paragraph was, in effect, lacking in presentation clarity and idea development.  
  
The concluding paragraph is short by 3 sentences. You did well in providing a restatement of the prompt and the possible sources of solution. You should have also indicated what these solutions are and a closing statement as a reminder to the reader.
## only one car for a household?

  
  
**The ownership of car should be restricted to one per family in order to reduce traffic congestion and pollution To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Answer:  
  
The problem of traffic congestion and pollution has been increasing at an alarm rate since last few years all over the world. Thus, many experts come up with the solution that every family should be allowed to have only one vehicle. While, Some people consider that having many vehicles represents their high status. In reality, more vehicle will increase environmental health hazards on human beings.  
  
On the one hand, Due to current progressive industrial development and increased per capita income. Firstly, people consider using other available mode of public transport like bus, train, rickshaw is time consuming and some time not considered to be the safe. Secondly, travelling in public transport is treated as sign of a lower class in the society. In contrary, having more than one vehicle for a family is considered as wealthy status. In addition, ease of getting vehicle-loan through banks help them to become owner of vehicle and can be easily payable in coming month.  
  
on the other hand, some people argue that, Increasing number of vehicles on the road increases air pollution, sound pollution, In addition, to overcome the traffic congestion, robust infrastructure development and broader roads are to be prepared by cutting down the trees which further allows to increase the harmful gases in the environment and these gases are considered as eminent in human organ damage, For Example, Recent study carried out by Environmental Tribunal in New Delhi India elaborate that reduction in number of trees in recent years to develop road infrastructure has increased 30% of Carbon-Di-Oxide, increasing 20% of human deaths due to lung failure in last six months,  
  
From what has been discussed above, I tend to strongly support government initiative to have single ownership of vehicle in each family to save human being from environmental health hazards.
Your sentences are a bit short and end pretty abruptly which makes readers difficult to follow your statement.  
I think in the beginning sentence of an essay, you could use words like 'thus/therefore/in addition' later, otherwise it will make the article hard to understand.  
  
**Thus,** many experts ... **While,** Some people ...  
  
You misused the linking words here, apart from the usage of "while". it's like you translate it from Chinese or something literally so that it may make sense in your native language but it looks weird in English.
Hi,  
  
Your writing will fare better if you elaborate your arguments. For example your second paragraph states two points about why public transports are not preferred. Rather than just stating your points, you could've describe more about those points. These will give a vibe of a stronger essay while also giving smooth transition within your essay.  
  
Speaking about transition, the last paragraph seems to just jump into conclusion. Not that it is wrong, but you can use some of your previous arguments from the paragraphs before to have a better flow.
## IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - UNDERGROUND RAILWAYS SYSTEMS

  
  
The table given illustrates the data about the underground railroad's networks in six distinct selected location in terms of their age, range, capacity.  
Overall, it can be seen from the table that three older systems are larger and serve more passengers than their newer counterparts.  
The London underground is the oldest system having be opened 1863 and also is the most in size with 394 kilometers of route, followed by the Paris underground with 199 kilometers. However, the former's range is twice as large as that of the latter, the latter transports a larger commuter capacity with 1191 million passengers. The third largest network is the Tokyo subway, while it carries the most passengers with 1927 million travelers.  
  
Turning to three newer systems, the Washington DC system ranks first in size with 126 kilometers of route, compared to the Kyoto underground and the LA underground with 11 kilometers and 28 kilometers, respectively. Although being double the size of the LA underground, the Metro of Kyoto transports lower passengers than the metro of LA with 45 million people and 50 million people, accordingly.  
  
*
Kindly remember that the task 1 essay is to be comprised of 3 paragraphs. It is not comprised of 2 paragraphs or 3 paragraphs with one paragraph connected to the previous one because you forgot to hit the Enter key to separate the presentations. Be aware of your presentation format. It has to be 3 paragraphs with 3-5 sentences each. Using this format, I cannot tell where the summary overview exists, there the trending statement was presented, and where the next paragraph began. Since you are scored on clarity of the presentation, make sure the examiner can easily spot the required paragraph segments for scoring. When you mention the capacity, you need to mention what the measurement representation for capacity was. That is all a part of the summary information. It is not to be neglected in the presentation.  
  
Do not rush your information presentation. Try to clearly separate the information sentences per paragraph. Show your ability to use more than just a period and a comma to separate the presentations, which by the way, are veering into run-on sentence territory. You need to show that you are capable of creating informative sentences that can stand alone, rather than being consistently connected with one another. Just because the information relates to one another doesn't mean that these all have to be presented in a single sentence. Rather, it has to be clearly presented, per sentence.
## formal academic training abroad

  
  
There are several ways for students to start their careers. Nowadays, study abroad is the most popular in some countries. It is a nice chance and I think it has more drawbacks than benefits. I will discuss this point in the following paragraphs.  
  
People who decide to study overseas can approach opportunities to see the diverse culture include natural wonders, museums, or landmarks also, which they able to broaden their knowledge of the countries they were arrived at. Here is an example, Harvard University, located in Cambridge, their students represent for the fifty states and nearly 100 countries around the world.  
  
In contrast, that is not easier to study in a foreign country. A more disadvantage in education abroad is that humans will be faced with especially in the beginning, is that they facing loneliness and they have to spend time getting used to it. Besides that, they might be paid a number of school fees. For instance, according to research by the International Institute of Education, studying abroad in a foreign country will cost at least $18,000 per semester or $36,000 per full academic year.  
  
In conclusion, I am convinced that students have formal academic training abroad will have the biggest impact on our lives and we should be aware of them to protect yourself.
This is an incomplete Task 2 essay so it cannot be reviewed properly. You only provided 216 words for a 250 minimum word essay test. It will be useless to review the work at this point because the percentage of point deductions will not allow your essay to achieve a passing band score. So at this point, I can only give a general comment on your presentation.  
  
It appears that you did not completely discuss the prompt requirements. The original prompt required you to discuss the advantages and disadvantages along with a personal preference regarding studying abroad. Would you want to it yourself? Why? When you present information in the essay, avoid mentioning any information sources. That is because you are being asked to discuss the topic from your personal point of view, public knowledge, and personal experience. The Task 2 essay is always based on non-researched material. So , although you can say anything you want with regards to the information, never mention an information source as you did in this essay. Always frame it from a public or personal point of view instead.  
  
So, the errors in this essay are:  
- Lack of prompt instruction responsiveness  
- Lack of personal preference discussion  
- Lack of word count  
  
Based on the missing elements, this is definitely not a passing essay presentation.
## consumption of coffee and tea and beverage

  
  
The bar chart indicates the consumption of coffee and tea and beverage preferences in five cities in Australia, namely Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide, and Hobart.  
  
Regarding cafe visits, Melbourne has the highest proportion of dwellers having gone to a cafe for coffee or tea in the last four weeks, with approximately 64%, followed by Hobart (63%) and Sydney (61%). More than half of respondents in Brisbane reported recent cafe visits, while the lowest figure is for Adelaide at under 50%.  
  
In terms of the purchase of the two types of coffee, instant coffee is favored over the fresh one. The majority of residents (54%) bought instant coffee in last month in Hobart. Brisbane, Adelaide, and Melbourne have roughly 53%, 50% and 48% respectively, whereas only about one in four of those surveyed in Sydney responded doing so. By contrast, Sydney has the largest percentage of residents having bought instant coffee last month with 44%. Melbourne, the second largest, has 42%, followed by Hobart with 8% lower. Equivalent statistics are seen in Brisbane and Adelaide with more than a third.  
  
In summary, the illustration suggests that there is a positive correlation between the proportion of inhabitants going to a coffee shop and the proportion of fresh as well as instant coffee consumed.  
  
(Thank you for your feedback in advance.)  
  
*
There is a misconception that the more words you write, the more chances you have of passing the test. That is entirely false information. When you write an essay, specially a task 1 essay, you have to take note of the time provided for your writing task. The time provided is 20 minutes. Within 20 minutes you have to:  
  
- Brainstorm your discussion approach  
- Take note of important information based on the writing instructions  
- Write your draft report  
- Review, revise, edit, and finalize the report  
  
You have to do all of these within 20 minutes. You should not just write immediately, making up the information as you go along. The Task 1 essay needs to be short, quickly written, but still informative as per the instruction requirements. That said, 211 words means you will be cutting into your Task 2 writing time of 40 minutes when you go through the report finalization process. That is never a good idea. That is why you are asked to write just enough words, within 175-190 words. That leaves you with enough time to create the perfect essay presentation.  
  
The Task 1 essay requires you to write short, informative sentences. You do this by presenting related sentence information in the paragraph between 3-5 sentences. Keep it short, informative, and without the use of run on sentences. Your essay uses the run-on presentation throughout. That will definitely affect your GRA score. You should do your best to use clear sentences. Make your thoughts known without using too many words. Keep it short. The ultra descriptive discussion should be reserved for the Task 2 essay that allows you write more words. You do not need to summarize the information at the end of your report. That is what the summary overview is for, the first paragraph of the task 1 essay.  
  
Write the essay using a 3 paragraph format. The 4 paragraph format often ends up with the students writing more words, but making more grammar and presentation errors as evidenced by your work. I can use this essay as the basis of reviewing your next essay. Now I know what your writing style is like and I was able to point out the biggest problem of your essay, conciseness. Work on that problem in the next essay so that I can review the other presentation errors in your work.
## Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

  
  
**Vehicle technology is advancing rapidly and cars that drive themselves have already been developed. In the near future, most people will use driverless cars**  
  
In this day and age, transportation play a vital role. With the development in technology, it is applied in automotive industry. Many numerous schemes are carried out in order to innovate for various users, especially in self-driving auto. From my perspective, i entirely agree that driverless cars will be used widespread in near future.  
  
Primarily, one of the major reasons which encourage the invention of driverless cars is the safety of passengers. It is believed that driver try to lie them in cabs fee. Besides, adults want to guarantee the carefulness of their childrens. For instance, people in my country especially parents always worried about their kids if they are alone with stranger, thus, the self-driving car is a effective solution to mitigate this problem. Moreover, using virtual driver contribute to reduce stress for many drivers when they have to concentrate for a long period.  
  
Additionally, traffic congestion is also eased in certain aspect. For the public transport, driverless cars will be arranged in a contemporary system which manage vehicle logically and rigorously. As a result, transportation can be distributed reasonably especially in rush-hour. Individuals who use own driverless cars have to pay a large charge to maintain the uninterrupted operation. Whereby, public transports are well-received because of the saving and the convenience. It is also followed by reducing CO2 emissions.  
  
In conclusion, it is indisputable fact that technology has creates a revolution in all fields of life. Driverless car is a ground-breaking in the auto manufacturing industry which can improve our life quality. The faster technology is advanced, the more driverless cars are developed.
There is absolutely no clarity to your discussion presentation. You are just typing as you think. You did not concern yourself with the clarity and coherence of your discussion, which is one of the major points considerations in any task 2 essay. You failed to follow the major rule of essay writing: Always outline your topics before you write your draft.  
  
You must get used to the idea of outlining and drafting your work before you consider it to be in final form. The outline will help you keep focus of the singular discussion topic and reasoning / supporting statements per paragraph. The draft will allow you have time to review your work for clarity and relation to the given discussion.  
  
Your essay tends to be all over the place. That means, there is no clear topic focus per paragraph, there are no supporting reasons, no acceptable examples, and no properly developed supporting statements for the reader to rely upon for direction in the discussion. The lack of focus is the main reason why this essay is not well written and, it cannot receive a passing score.  
  
Try to use an outline when you draft your next essay. Look for related reasons to support your topic sentence. Make sure the examples will support the topic and your supporting statements, should further support the given example. Once you achieve that level of clarity, the essay will be better understandable on the reader's part. It does not have to be an advanced level of clarity, just making sure that you stick to the discussion topic / topic sentence will be a good start for your writing improvement.
## what is more important?

  
  
Hi friends, I'm new to this forum and currently on my self-training process in preparation for the Ielts test very soon. Please help me by giving feedbacks on my essay writing skill (something not right up my alley) I'm appreciative, thank you.  
  
TOPIC: Some people argue that job satisfaction is more important than job security while others believe that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, and a permanent job is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion  
  
MY ARTICLE:  
  
Nowadays, it is argued that engaging in a long-term secured job is more essential than the satisfaction your job has to offer. In my opinion, though, job satisfaction is one of the key elements to living happily so it's believed to be more important than job security.  
  
To begin with, there are grounds for arguing that job security is considerably fundamental. Firstly, opting for a permanent job offers you a stable income for a constant period of time. With that being said, various living expenses is unlikely a problem for you to deal with. Secondly, long-term employment for a particular business or company ensures the opportunity to receive promotions and raises. For instance, my sister has been working for a retailer of the fashion leading brand - Versace for half of a decade and was promoted to the supervisor position which offers her a wage that's twice as much as her first one.  
  
However I believe there are more convincing arguments for contending that job satisfaction is far more essential. First and foremost, getting employed in a position that you find satisfying will give you a sense of pleasure and exuberance. Those emotions activate your productivity, therefore, tasks given will be accomplished excellently without a hassle. It is also the case that job satisfaction keeps you away from stress related illnesses that a vast number of people in the world are suffering from. Indeed, according to the "Saigon Times", a solid proportion of 70% of Vietnamese citizens said they were severely stressed out from their current job and would always hope for the weekends to come.  
  
In conclusion, although there are some merit on both sides of the issue. My personal belief is that job satisfaction outweighs job security considering the boost in productivity and the apparent joy it has to offer.
I am impressed by the level of your personal opinion and the validity by which you discussed it. However, the essay does not require only your point of view for the 2 given topics. It requires a comparative discussion of the two points of view, based on public opinion pronoun references, prior to your discussing your personal point of view. This is, in fact, a 3 reasoning paragraph essay as it requires individually developed reasons for each of the 2 public points of view, after which your personal point of view, based upon a comparison of the first 2 discussion points may be presented.  
  
This is a 5 paragraph essay, your personal opinion cannot be used as the closing paragraph. Mostly because doing so will create an open ended rather than concluded essay. A concluded essay should summarize pertinent discussion points from the 3 reasoning paragraphs you presented, along with a restatement of the original topic.
Hi, I'm an IELTS's learner. Please help me! Thanks so much.  
  
***Some modern artist receive huge sums of money for the things they create while others struggle to survive Governments should take steps to resolve this unfair situation  
  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?***  
  
In recent times, a great number of artist have become successful due to their talents while others can't make a living. Some people believe that governments should take measures to ensure the equality for every artist. In my point of view, the government's involvement is not necessary.  
  
There has always competed in every field of life, art is not an exception. In order to be the best, artists have to go through a lot of hardships. That's why the one who can work hard using their talents deserve financial rewards. Moreover, talent is not the only factors, sometimes, artists also need luck to shine. For example, artists whose art works can reach people's understanding and pathetic will tend to be bought more than the others or artist who know the right to time to show up will be able to make a name for themselves. Whatever reasons are, artists should have the right to earn much money from their creations.  
  
In other cases, there are still many talented artists who haven't been recognized because of their poor conditions like lacking of money, etc.. In this case, governments should take actions to encourage artists. They can give scholarships for or organize many competitions to find out the gifted.  
  
To conclude, artists should wisely find ways to earn a living. I believe it is not the government's job to interfere with artists' success