dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The summary overview is going to receive a failing GRA score due to the improper information presentation. Avoid the use of run-on sentences in this section. The summary overview should be comprised of at least 3 but no more than 5 sentences. Each sentence should represent one information set from the graph. In this case, the sentences should have been divided into:  
  
Sentence 1: The subject of the image  
Sentence 2: The age range provided  
Sentence 3: The activities listed  
Sentence 4: Measurement criteria used  
Sentence 5: Trending statement  
  
These separations will help clearly define the content of the image and the important, short form of the provided information. This will make the section scannable and well within the scoring considerations for the TA score of a task 1 essay. Additionally, the summary overview is missing a proper trending sentence. While the word "overall" is often used to represent the trending reference, the fact that it was made a part of the reporting section was an incorrect writing format for the essay. The trending statement is always included in the summary overview as this is a shortened form of the overall reporting task.
## commercial honey production

  
  
The linear small-scale commercial manufacture of honey is illustrated in the given diagram.  
Overall, the production is comprised of various stages divided into two phases, commencing with bee collecting nectar and ceasing with the despatch of rearmost outcome to consumption areas, which is done by human being.  
  
In greater detail, the first stage of the bee phase is that bees collect nectar from found flowers, whereupon it is brought to a beehive where they deposit honey. Over the following step, the honey is desiccated on the surface of every comb. In the final stage of the bee phase, the bees renders the cell clean with the assistance of fan wings prior to sealing them with wax.  
  
As far as the remaining steps is concerned, the yield of honey continues with the first step of the human phase when honey combs are thoroughly gathered. The collected combs are thereupon flattened. No sooner is the raw honey efficaciously extracted than it is poured into sump tank in order to make it be heated at the temperature of 45 to 50 degrees Celcius. Subsequently, it is transferred to a sieve tank where the dirt is withdrawn from the honey prior to the conveyance of honey to settling tanks where it is stored for two to four days. Finally, after being packed in discrete jars, the merchandise is transported and ready to be commerced.  
  
*   
*Task 1*
The writer must be conscious of the 20 minute limitation on the completion of this essay. He cannot write more than 200 words for this without cutting into his task 2 writing time, which he really would not want to do. My advice is that he learns to time himself when writing using the proper exam setting. That is:  
  
1. Outline  
2. Draft  
3. Revise  
4. Finalize  
  
Only when he writes using the correct process will he learn how many words he can write within 20 minutes. It is important that the quality of the paper be better and more focused on his part rather than the word count. A long essay just opens the writer up to more errors and score deductions.  
  
I will be the first to admit that the essay is well written and properly developed. The problem is that it contains too many words for this task. Therefore, writing quality will be an issue for him once the timed test takes place. Only by learning to write quickly and concisely can he achieve a good passing score for this test.
## the significance of intelligence in leadership

  
  
The leader is the most important position in every organization. Some people think that intelligence is the most crucial factor of leadership. From a personal perspective, I partly agree with this statement because a good leader has talent and many soft skills.  
  
On the one hand, intelligence is essential for a headman. People are fluent in their job at the company which leads to them easily getting management positions in the department because they fully understand every task of their team. Moreover, the staff perform their work better than others, that helps them get their's boss attention. It also contributes to making them notable when the company considers a new manager. To elucidate, research performed by California University in 2020 demonstrated that talented people effortlessly get higher positions in every organisation.  
  
On the other hand, soft skills are also crucial for leadership positions. Besides managers are good at their field, but they still need communication and motivation skills that help them direct their employees more effectively. The workers are able to complete their tasks in a good way with the boss's enthusiastic instructions. In addition, when the staff have difficult circumstances, they can easily overcome them thanks to their boss's motivation ability. To demonstrate, Steve Jobs is a former chief executive officer of Apple who always inspired his employees to think in a creative way to create the best technological devices for the world.  
  
To sum it up, talent is essential for leaders, but soft skills make them successful. In my opinion, the school not only teaches their students to be good at their major but should train many interpersonal skills to the learners.
There are 2 immediate problems with the restatement and opinion paragraph. The first is the irrelevant first sentence that does not connect with the original topic in any way. This is only a 2 sentence paragraph. One topic restatement then the writer's opinion. The second problem is the measured response format to the question when a direct and unmeasured response is required. Both errors will result in early deductions for the exam taker.  
  
These early errors led to the incorrect discussion paragraphs. Rather than the expected single openion reasoning paragraphs, a comparative discussion was used. There is a high possibility that the essay will fail as it did not provide the correct opinion and discussion response throughout the essay.
## learning everything from the internet

  
  
Nowadays a range of things can be done in the internet, which is an integral part of everyone's life. And I completely agree this is the best way of learning everything that person are interested in.  
  
Firstly, internet gives the opportunity to learn a new language or even several ones at the same time. There is a huge number of different apps and websites, where we are able to watch educational videos and then do some exercises to keep all information in mind. In addition, due to the internet people can find a tutor, with whom they will learn the language faster and this way is more efficient since they will have conversations with a person, who has already known it.  
  
Secondly, internet is a great place to receive knowledge about playing a musical instrument. It can be done via electronic books which include everything connected with music. Moreover, it is possible to have online lessons that give the opportunity to learn how to play a particular musical instrument in every corner of the world.  
  
Thirdly, information about cooking can be find in the internet. It has various forums, where people tell others their stories of becoming cookers. Besides, there are a lot of recipes of mouth-watering dishes and tips how to cook properly.  
  
To sum up, living in the twenty first century people are able to learn things from the internet, instead of going somewhere, which will exactly save their time.
There is a specific way of discussing an FCE essay. It has to do with specific topic considerations provided as a part of the discussion instructions. I do not believe that I can properly assess this essay based on the scoring considerations without it. That said, I can offer a general review for this essay.  
  
The essay does not really separate itself in terms of the general and personal discussion points. The fourth paragraph should lend itself to a personal discussion but I do not see that happening here. It is mostly geared towards the generalized discussion alone. Opinion clarity may be a problem. Grammar issues in relation to sentence presentations are also very noticeable. Anchor sentences are not effectively used either but transition words are well used. Next time try to use more transition phrases.
When referring to the Supreme Court decision in 2018, do not forget to die the case record including the plaintiff and defendant. A more extensive discussion of the basis of the lawsuit and factors affecting the final decision should be a part of the discussion presentation. Who sued who and why. It will also be wise to mention a few of the states that already have legalized sports betting and some of the new players. Just to complete the discussion premise at the start.  
  
The full paper sounds too much like the presentation is just a cut and paste of various related information. The paper relies too heavily on research from others. For a more effective argumentative essay, the writer must consider doing his own surveys using an anonymous pool, identified by certain considerations within the paper. That would remove the heavy direct quotes from the paper that make the paper seem less original to the reader.  
  
\*Limited review provided due to paper length. Contact us perinatal for comprehensive review services. Thank you.
## the problem of obesity

  
  
In today's world, it is undeniable that obese disease becomes more and more popular with many people globally. This essay will explore the sources of this issue along with some possible solutions to it.  
  
Chief among the causes of this problem is the lack of exercise. Today's young people are more prone to glue eyes to social media, games and types of movies in leisure time instead of joining sport activities. This can be a contribution to having a sedentary life and the redundant fat or calories which can not be burned in the body. Perhaps the most effective method would be for each individual to establish a timeline for playing sports, which would assist people maintain a healthy lifestyle and have a beautiful figure.  
  
Another contributing factor is the unbalanced diet of the majority of young people these days. That is to say, most of them ordinarily have an excess of fat and sugary food, which can be a precursor for superfluous calories in the body and gaining weight. One possible approach would be for the government to restrict the production of fast food and encourage people supplementing more fiber-rich things in daily meals.  
  
In conclusion, obesity has become a prevalent disease in many countries due to evident reasons such as the lack of exercise and the inconsequential diet. This problem is potentially more serious if people can put the effective methods into practice. I believe that significant efforts from each person and the government are necessary to reverse the trend.
When reading the restatement and writer's opinion, the examiner will see that the writer does not fully grasp the word meaning being used in the original. He will lower the LR score for the paragraph because the disease is obesity while the person suffering from the illness is known as obese. There is clear incorrect word usage in the presentation that affected the effectivity of the restatement.  
  
As for the writer's opinion, which is part of the base scoring, there is none presented so the writer will receive a failing score for that consideration. The examiner does not need to know what the discussion instructions are. He already knows those. What he needs to know, is the opinion of the writer in relation to the questions being asked. If this were an academic paper, it would fail for not clearly stating the thesis or basis of the discussion. Where are the reasons? The questions have already been asked. Respond in 2 sentences. One for every question as a part of the prompt restatement. Create the discussion points based on the questions provided by giving answers, rather than just repeating the questions.  
  
Do not say something is "undeniable" when it is not part of the original discussion topic nor when it is not asked in the prompt. That is a change in the slant of the discussion that resulted in a topic deviant restatement. It will result in additional point deductions in the TA score since the writer is not correctly restating the given topic.  
  
The opening paragraph alone already assures this essay of starting with a preliminary failing score. That is a problem when the essay is very short and limited in writing skills presentation. This essay should be at least 275 words so that the examiner can have more room to judge the rest of the scoring rubic for application.  
  
Good work on the discussion paragraphs. The blended cause and solution presentation is exactly what the discussion format requires. However, the same cannot be said for the concluding summary as it mistakenly indicates a confusing sentence:  
  
This problem is potentially more serious if people can put the effective methods into practice.  
The correct term is "cannot" instead of "can". The reference should be that of an inability to successfully implement a solution.
## **Ielts Writing Task 2 Question:**

  
*Some people think the news has no connection to people's lives.* *So then it is a waste of time to read the newspaper and watch television news programs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?*  
  
Some people believe that newspapers and TV programs are pointless because news is irrelevant to people's lives. I could contend that the broadcasts today are developed their content that attracts and responds to acquisitions and demands of the audiences in all aspects, delivering news reports to the public transiently.  
  
From my perspective, it would be wrong to refuse the integral role of broadcasts in connecting audiences with news and facts. Radio and TV programs provide information about everyday occurrences globally through diverse communicative transports. Take the COVID-19 pandemic as an example, during the period of social isolation, people who continuously pay attention to this dangerous disease by following and updating day-by-day information about the fatality, the positive cases, and new exposure-related zones can protect themselves from its contagion. In contrast, residents who outlook this news were vulnerable to this infectious disease.  
  
In my opinion, news and TV programs are not only means of updating happenings, but also the governments can utilize this kind of social transmission to inform and spread laws, and national policies throughout their countries. Therefore, viewers can access these principles and obligations, enhancing their awareness and knowledge of this elusive information easier. For example, medical warnings, state settlements, and grant support are deployed and negotiated to citizens during the COVID-19 pandemic, so they can expand their understanding and obey the treatment and isolated rules.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that spending time and money on all kinds of news and TV programs is worthwhile and necessary to contribute to promoting quality of life.
The main score reduction will occur in this essay not due to the irrelevancy of the discussion because the reasoning paragraphs are on track, but from the way that the response format does not deliver the expected answer foundation. In this case, the foundation of the response should be based on the measured response of the writer. Please note the specific writing response instruction: *To what extent do you agree or disagree?* The writer never responded in a manner that would indicate a proper and clear response to this question. He implies that he agrees with the given opinion, but does not clearly state it as required. Thus the response is incomplete and, in this case, inaccurate.  
  
Reasoning is acceptable in both paragraph however, just like the first paragraph, the way that the writer indicates his explanations are difficult and confusing the understand. The sentences often lack subject clarity within the presentation. He often uses fragmented sentences and run on presentations that will surely reduce his GRA score to a great extent. Leaving this essay in danger of receiving a failing score based on 2 problem points.
## the popular use of informal written language

  
  
Nowadays, it is common to see that written language is used in a more informal and relaxed way. This phenomenon happens due to some certain reasons, and it may lead to more drawbacks than benefits.  
  
On the one hand, people choose to use informal written language because of two main factors. Firstly, it is time-saving. The traditional and formal language in writing requires the appropriate vocabularies and standard structures which are grammatically correct like spelling, form, etc.This process takes a large amount of time. However, less formal written language can help to save time with the use of abbreviations or symbols. Secondly, informal written language is preferably used to lessen the formality in some contexts like friends and relatives' communication. The way people use the writing style also expresses their intimacy to others, so with close relationships, people often want to be comfortable and relaxing when communicating.  
  
On the other hand, the less formal style in writing seems to have more disadvantages. The first one is that it is not suitable to apply in business contexts. Business is a field requiring a polite and formal style in written papers, especially in contracts or reports. Using informal language can show your unprofessional skills, which can affect your job or further promotion. Furthermore, for students, the use of less formal style in academic writing tests can affect their performance or results. It is clear that in academic writing, informal language is unacceptable, so students will be marked down for using abbreviations, slangs or jarks as informal language.  
  
In conclusion, time-saving and formality reduction are main reasons for the popular use of informal written language. However, people should consider carefully to avoid unfortunate drawbacks.
There are 3 responses that need to be addressed by the first paragraph. As listed, these scoring requirements are:  
Sentence 1: Restatement of the topic  
Sentence 2: A listing of the reasons (at least 2)  
Sentence 3: A listing of the disadvantages  
  
All 3 sentences must be presented to meet the full scoring requirements of the accuracy score. This score is based on the ability of the student to clearly establish a version of the discussion topic based upon the original presentation and questions provided. The current version does not establish the required clarity of the paragraph.  
  
Since the questions direct to different topic questions, there cannot be a comparison reference provided. It is not proper to use "On the one hand" and "on the other hand" since there are 2 different query topics being discussed. There are times when connecting phrases are required for discussion paragraphs and, there are times when topic sentences are needed to start each paragraph. In such instances, transition sentences at the end of the first reasoning paragraph will be more useful as a transition point. An example of this would be: "While informal language can be used within familiar settings, these cannot be used in a business setting and therefore, proves to be a disadvantage in such a scenario." Then the second reasoning paragraph can proceed using the anchor topic for the disadvantage discussion since was already established in the transition sentence.
## tourists in scotland who visited four different attractions

  
  
*The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to Scotland who visited four different attractions in Edinburgh.  
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.*  
  
The line graph indicates the proportion of tourists who visited 4 different destinations in Edinburgh over the period of 30 years from 1980 to 2010.  
Overall, the number of travelers enjoying Castle made up for nearly a half of the total during the survey's years. While the figure of Aquarium was relatively modest.  
  
In 1980, the percentage of tourists going to the zoo was only 10%. After that, undergoing a few minor fluctuations, it increased significantly to 20% at the end of the period. By comparison, the Aquarium's tourist rate was higher 10% than that of the zoo in 1980 and reached its peak quickly only after 5 years before dropping dramatically and became the least popular attraction in 2010. The change in Castle's tourists percentage was similar to Aquarium's one. Reaching the highest point of the chart in 1995 with 45% and then it decreased gradually to more than 15% in the last year of the survey. Finally, the trend of visitors coming to the Festival dropped steadily through 30 years. It showed the commonness of Edinburgh's festival reduced more and more.  
  
*
The formatting for this essay should follow the 3 paragraph format covering:  
Par. 1: Summary overview + Trending statement  
Par. 2: Comparison for Aquarium and Castle  
Par. 3: Comparison for Zoo and Festival  
  
It should not be presented in such a compressed paragraphical form. There are only 2 full formats to be used in the task 1 essay. The 4 paragraph format for the 2 image comparisons and the 3 paragraph format for the single image presentation. The exam taker should properly identify which format to use for the particular image presentations.  
  
Complete the summary overview by always including the enumeration of comparison points and measurement indicators. These are necessary for the trending presentation which requires these notes for clear comparison presentations with regards to the highs and lows of the information content.  
  
Based on the content, the writer knew how to properly compare data presentations. He just needs to be more conscious of how he presents the information to the reader / examiner, who will look for clarity and cohesiveness through paragraph separations.  
  
All things considered though, the comparison presentation has good content and presentation considerations. It is the formatting requirement and incomplete summary overview that will limit the scoring consideration for the essay.
I have some advices for you:  
- reached its peak quickly only after 5 years before dropping dramatically and became the least popular attraction in 2010. Add *the data* of **reached its peak and the least popular attraction at how much.** Like **reached its peak at around 45%**  
  
- It showed the commonness of Edinburgh's festival reduced more and more. => ~~It showed the commonness of Edinburgh's festival reduced more and more.~~ **No need conclusion** in writing task 1
over the ~~period~~a of 30 years  
Overall, the ~~number~~ percentage of travelers ... for ~~nearly a half~~ không sát (in) the total during the survey's years~~.~~  dùng dấu ,While the figure of ~~Aquarium~~ Zoo was ...  
  
(...) ~~After that~~, (thiếu chủ ngữ)undergoing a few minor ~~fluctuations~~ ( ko có s), it increased ~~significantly~~( tăng nhẹ thôi) to 20% at ...  
... the least popular In ~~attraction~~(thêm s) in 2010. The change in ~~Castle's tourists percentage~~(?) was similar to Aquarium's one. ( Thiếu chủ ngữ)Reaching the ... in 1995 ~~with~~ (at) 45% and then **it**( it ở đây ko rõ chỉ cái nào) decreased gradually ...  
  
It ~~showed~~(shows) the commonness of ...