dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
If I am right and this is an extent essay, you will lose major points with this type of response because of the lack of direct response to the given question which is:  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree? All I read in the prompt paraphrase was a direct opinion instead of a measured response. Therefore, your task response will be deemed unrelated to the task, which means you may get a TA score of 2 with this essay. That is because you did not express a clear position based on the prompt requirement.  
  
As you very well know, you will not be able to get achieve a 5 band score if you do not do well in the TA section which is comprised of :  
  
- Paraphrased prompt  
- Response to prompt question  
  
Therefore, regardless of how many words you wrote for this essay, you will not find yourself scoring close to the passing mark. By the way, you should not be writing 367 words for this essay. Based on the 40 minute time limit, you should be writing only about 290 words maximum for this essay. You are encouraged to write more words by most tutors, however, those tutors fail to consider that it is not the number of words that you are scored on but rather, the clarity of your discussion. You are over presenting the reasons in every paragraph without a clear explanation as to how these relate together. Remember, all examples and reasons must create a cohesive paragraph. You can do that in 5 sentences, which is the normal length of each paragraph presented.  
  
Additionally, your discussion makes suggestions regarding the problem instead of offering an explanation of why you agree with the discussion. I strongly suggest that you learn to review and understand the discussion requirements before you start writing an essay. If you misunderstand the discussion, you will end up with a misrepresented essay. Which can then lead to a not so flattering final score on your part.
## starting mainstream schooling early

  
  
**Some people think that formal education should start for children as early as possible, while others think that it should not start until 7 years of age. Discuss both views and give your opinions.**  
  
The constant progress of society put a tremendous pressure on education to boost up these days. Hence, it can be argued that children should receive intellectual instruction as a very young age, I strongly believe that this schooling had better begin for 7-year-old children.  
  
There are some powerful arguments when asserting that it is the early formal training that plays a vitally important role in children's growth. Firstly and most importantly, launching advanced tuition as soon as possible enhance children to not only gain and remember more knowledge but practice numerous social skills, which would form a strongly fundamental base for children in the future. Secondly, children may become disciplined citizens with logical thinking because of being achieved formal ethics lessons at a very young age.  
  
Notwithstanding, I believe that there exists a plethora of adverse impacts of this. Intrinsically, childhood experiences that has a strong effect on people's mental health since psychologists have long held that the key traits of personality are determined at an early age. Therefore, pedagogy would deprive them of their precious time spending with family or playing with friends, which can lead to insensitivity and autism. In contract, if children start ordinary education at 7 years old when their linguistic competence is sharpened enough, it will be easy for tutors to deliver academic lessons as well as for students to digest the input. Finally, not every child has super learning intellect and they may become confused when beginning conventional education while their analytical thinking is not properly simulated.  
  
In conclusion, it seems to me that starting mainstream schooling soon is evidently good, but in my opinion, children had better completely cultivate both mental and physical condition before beginning compulsory learning.  
  
(285 words)
The approach to the essay prompt is incorrect. The format for the essay response is also incorrect. Being a 2 point of view with personal opinion essay, this should be represented by a 5 paragraph essay. The 3 reasoning paragraphs should be representing one public point of view each and one personal opinion. This essay was converted into a personal opinion essay alone. Therefore, the task will be considered partially correct and word count will be deducted for the unrepresented prompt discussion points. The essay will immediately meet a failing score because of the prompt and discussion errors.  
  
Please remember that properly identifying which point of view is being discussed in every paragraph is important for the clarity of the discussion. Hence the reference to each public point of view as a topic sentence always ensures that the paragraph clearly discusses the reasons indicated in the original prompt. Your essay does not do that. You merely discuss personal opinions and observations, without indicating that these are representative of each public point of view. That is why the whole reasoning section will be deemed to be a personal opinion alone. Next time, properly restate the discussion and use reference words in your reasoning discussion to highlight the public (Groups believe that, Contrary to this public opinion, some sectors explain that, etc.) and private point of view.
## my dream job

  
  
All started in elementary school, Like many kids I used to said that my dream was to become a teacher. When my friends came over my house we always play different games but my favorite one was when I was the teacher and my friends were my students.  
  
In 6th grade, my mother was my teacher and seeing my mom enjoying her job everyday and also seeing my classmates loving her, was when passion for education started to grow inside me.I always looked up to my mom and to this day I still doing it, she was the best mother but at the same time the best teacher I have ever had. My mom made learning fun, with a lot of hands on activities, projects and always with cooperative learning. As a great teacher, brain breaks motivational support or quotes to inspire us were always a must.  
  
She is my idol and I am her fan number one, and that is why after high school I went to the University of Huelva, Spain, to start my career as an educator in elementary school. Because like her, I enjoy so much seeing children not only grow in a classroom but in life. But what I love the most about teacher's career is that we can provide the tools necessary for every learning style and create great minds and amazing children.  
  
Moreover I believe that being an educator is a rewarding career where you can have fun at the same time that you teach children lessons plan and life lessons. Also teachers can create strong bonds with their students to have a positive environment in class, just like my mom did with me an my classmates in elementary school and like I am going to do the day that I get a job as an educator.  
  
I have to be thankful for my mother because her passion become my passion too and I will never regret choosing this amazing career as it is being an educator.
Some grammar issues can be seen in your work. Mistakes such as "me an (AND) my classmates" are easily seen by the reviewer. Your use of a capital letter after a comma is also a writing mistake as all first words of a new sentence and nouns are capitalized in the presentation. By the way, change your verb form auxiliary in the sentence "... I used to said (say)"... Brush up on your connecting word usage (When my friends came over TO my house).  
  
The essay sometimes lack clarity such as wehn you referred to your mother. You did not set up the sentence to first indicate that your mother is a teacher, so the explanation you gave was kind of confusing to the reader. The word "because" is never used to kick off a sentence because it is a connecting word.  
  
As for the question you posed to GATE, since he is not a contributor, he is not allowed to consider if your essay is passing or not. He is only a student himself and not a CBEST reviewer nor test taker. However, contributors at this forum are equipped to make such deductions so you should be asking a contributor that question instead. I am a contributor and I can tell you that this essay is acceptable at this point. Based on the existing errors, the highest score you could possibly get for this type of writing is within the 3 bracket.
## Integration problems for people living abroad (%)

  
  
The chart below shows information about the problems people have when they go to live in other countries. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.  
  
My answer:  
The bar chart shows the difficulties people have when they integrate into a new country and how the problems vary according to people's ages.  
  
The greatest problem for people of all ages is arranging healthcare. A problem experienced by 32 to 37 percent of all people find this a problem.  
  
The second biggest problem is organizing finances. Although only 29 percent of people over 55 find it hard to organize finances, while 34 percent of people aged 18-34 and 35 percent of people aged 35-54 have this problem.  
  
In contrast to finding schools difficulties, only 2 percent of the oldest age group and 6 percent of the youngest age group have trouble finding schools for their children. However, the percentage of who have problems finding schools of the other age group is at 19 percent.  
  
In general, all age groups experience the same difficulties to some extent, but the percentage of the 35-54 age group who have trouble finding schools for their children is much higher than the others.  
  
*
I think you try your best to analyse the chart. That's great. However, I believe that you have never learned anything about this task 1. First, I want to point out some grammar and vocab mistakes.  
  
"Although only 29 percent ..."  
  
What kind of phrase did you use? The right phrase "Although+S+V, S+V". or "S+V, although+S+V". You should learn grammar before try to write.  
  
" integrate into", It should be " when they are integrated". However, you see the word "integration" and then transform it, it is non-sense. I would fix "when they emigrate to a new country"  
  
"In contrast to finding schools ...".  
You use the phrase "in contrast to" without any ideas about its meaning. People use it when they show a low number after showing a high number. You use it and then mention the same things again "finding schools difficulties"  
  
I would fix "In terms of difficulties in finding school, only 2 percent of the oldest age group...".  
  
However, the most important is missing the overview, you can"t get band 6 in total if you miss it, no matter how good is your vocab. You should learn from many task 1 sample on the Internet, it"s your mission. Overview only shows key features  
  
I will write an overview for example  
"Overall, it is apparent that lacking finances is the most prevalent problem among all age. Meanwhile, finding schools for children is only a potential issue for middle-aged people.
The overview information is incomplete. You should have indicated the age ranges, the source of information, and measurement type along with an explanation of what the bar chart is all about. You could have increased your TA score by having a better presentation of the overview summary. Writing 3-5 sentences per paragraph never hurt anyone's score. In fact, it gave the essay a chance at increased scoring. You separated your sentences so much that it did not really come across as a cohesive information presentation. It was difficult to keep track of the related information.  
  
All of your sentences are under the minimum paragraph sentence requirement. That explains why your word count is not at the ideal level of writing which is 175 words. Next time, use more sentences in your essay. Utilize all 5 sentence presentations so that are sure that your explanation is coming across clearly to the reader and that you have not missed out on any information. Always review your essay data for any missed points, of which I found several in this presentation. You wrote over the minimum, but not enough to prove a thorough analysis of the bar chart information.
Task Itself doesn't really allow you to explore and Analyze Graphic in a proper way. However you could improve a lot Cohesion of the paragraph, I mean instead of answering in Bullet Points from try to make something more deep in terms of understanding and strucutre. Probably by creating 1 or 2 paragraphs commenting about similarities and differences between ages you could make a better approach.  
  
Also (Not sure If might be good as long as the task doesn't ask you to) try to add the comparisions a little bit of explanations, Maybe by trying to interpret the Bars and the results you could reveal that you understand enough the bars in order to summarize it.  
  
But well, Theres no golden rule, so Just try to fix structure and cohesion.
Question:  
  
***Many people believe that in order to have clean and tidy streets in their neighbourhood, this should be the residents's responsibility; while others think, it shoud be the government's duty.  
  
What is your opinion?***  
  
There are those who think that protecting surroundings is the responsibility of individuals, while some feel that the government has the pivotal duty in this. To me, both points need to come together due to their each importance.  
  
On the one hand, it is not undeniable that conserving the neighbourhood is a matter that everyone should concern about. The reason is, the environment is built by its people, if they want it to be clean and tidy, they have to make efforts to protect it; otherwise it will be a mess with the big problems. For instance, according to a study, India has seen the dirtiest country in the world. It is the result of the lack of residents's awareness about maintaining their neighbourhood. People seem to think that it does not matter to litter because they do not realise the value of the environment. It could be seen that cleanliness of the surroundings depends on individuals's act. Therefore, they need to have an equal responsibility as the government  
  
On the other hand, government plays a significant role in sustaining the environment. As an authority, government could frame suitably policies that influence positively to people's acts in preserving surroundings. They can create stricter laws to cut down the number of litters, or encourage factories changing their location from urban areas to rural zones for decreasing the damaged effects of the polluted air, so on. For example, it is not an obvious thing for Singapore to become the cleanest nation in the world. With the strict law of environmental protection of authority (fine up to $1000 for smoking in public places, $300 for littering small items in the first time, etc.). Thus, each citizen compels to do that as a duty and obligation.  
  
With regard to environmental issues, I reckon that the duty of government  
and residents should work hand in hand in order to maintain and preserve our Mother nature as much as possible.
Your ideas is well organized and easy to follow. However, there are still some grammatical mistakes as follow:  
Second paragraph:  
India has been SEEN AS the dirtiest  
...THIS is the result ... awareness ON... I think this sentence should be revised using more simple structure E.g This resulted from the lack of ...  
  
THE cleanliness  
Third paragraph:  
encourage factories TO change  
cut down ON  
I hope that this help you to improve your writing further
you have done very well providing an appropriate answer to the task; however, there is one thing that concerned me:  
"For instance, according to a study, India has seen..."  
  
I think this part is supposed to be with the government's importance, but it was used for the people's. When I read the whole essay, this part troubled me from understanding your first idea. Thus, I think it would be better if you take another example as a subsequent. Thank you.
The prompt paraphrase would have been more effective if it contained the 5 sentence requirement for the discussion. Your first sentence contains two topic presentations. That should have been presented as two separate topic discussion sentences within the paragraph. Good work on creating an understandable opinion though.  
  
You are using word fillers in the body paragraphs instead of direct discussion sentences. The direct discussion sentences help to create clarity in your essay. A roundabout discussion does add to your word count, but takes you longer to make your point. Remember, there are only 40 minutes for this task where clarity of explanation is of the essence. Kick off with a topic sentence and explain yourself fully within 5 sentences. Longer sentence presentations does not assure you of a higher score. You are scored on how well you explain yourself in English in the quickest possible manner, under time constraints. So keep the sentences mid length instead.  
  
The essay does not have a concluding summary so you will lose a bit more points for that. The essay ended on an open discussion rather than a conclusion, which means your TA score will be affected. Remember, every essay needs a conclusion, your personal opinion is not counted as a conclusion. That is always considered a part of the reasoning paragraphs.
## THE SOLUTION for DEFORESTATION

  
  
Forest clearance indeed resulted from illegal cutting and burning trees activities is occurring worldwide which pushes millions of wild animals into habitat loss. Although this problem is becoming more serious day by day, each of us should altogether take steps to address this issue as soon as possible.  
  
The main reason for cutting down a lot of trees is the logging industry. Demands of using wood products are rising because of the trend using paper implements, especially disposal items made of wood. I believe, these three simple actions could help mitigate the shortage of wood in production and overhaul the serious impacts of deforestation on the earth, directly crackdown the matter.  
  
Firstly, we can reuse paper bags more than one time if possible. I think that paper bags are so useful and friendly to the environment because they can be reused many times with careful handing. Paper bags made of renewable resources as well.  
  
Secondly, we can use computers or reading devices instead of paper books. If we can do that, it could decrease a significant amount of wood providing to book manufacturers every day.  
  
Finally, recycle is one of the ways to make it less wasteful. Most office paper or old furniture could be recycled into many useful items. Therefore, it will help us spend much less money on shopping.  
  
In conclusion, there must be several measures that can be taken to tackle the problem which is leading to the devastation of the natural world.
hi! here are my comments about your essay.  
  
1/ It's better if you combine paragraphs 2,3,4,5 into 1 paragraph for your body part.  
2/ For Grammar:  
Paper bags are made from renewable resources ~~as well~~  
of wood provided to book manufacturers ...  
  
My advice: To get a higher score, I think you should use more advanced vocabulary and grammar, especially linking words to make your essay more coherence.  
  
I hope my comments will help you.
As the essay is 4 words below he minimum requirement for the Task 2 test, you can expect to receive an equivalent number of score deductions in your TA presentation. You have to write at least 250 words, no more than 290 words for this task. You will not be able to achieve a passing mark when you write less than the required number of words.  
  
Since the prompt was not provided for this essay, I will review other aspects of your work instead. Please remember to post the prompt next time.  
  
Most of your presentation problems lie within the cohesiveness and coherence section of the scoring rubic. You have a tendency to not follow the appropriate writing format for the paragraphs. Each paragraph must be composed of 3-5 sentences that focus on a topic sentence, reasoning sentence, example, supporting explanation, and transition sentence. Your essay lacks clarity because you discuss too many topics in one sentence. Leading an incoherent presentation and a discussion that the reader will find difficult to keep track of. You have to learn to discuss your reasoning paragraphs in a short but informative manner.  
  
Focus on the clarity of your explanation instead of the number of reasons. You have to prove that you can explain your reasons to the English native speaker in a manner that he can understand. If you keep jabbering away, without ensuring that your sentiment is understood, then all that typing was for nothing. You will score low in the GRA and C&C section. Add to that the vocabulary problems and sentence structure problems of the essay and you will understand why you may not reach a 5 band mark with this type of writing.
## the percentage of recycled materials from 1982 to 2010

  
  
The line graph illustrates the percentage of paper and cardboard, glass containers, aluminium cans and plastics recycled during a 28 years period: from 1982 to 2010 in a country. Among four types of material, paper and cardboard were recycled the most. However, since 1994 the recycling rate for this material experienced a downward trend while those of other materials were generally upward.  
  
In the upward trend group, the recycling rate of aluminium cans increased most steeply from only about 5% in 1986 to 45% in 2010. Meanwhile, the proportion of plastic recycled rose at a much slower pace from around 3% in 1990 to approximately 8% in 2010. The rate of glass containers recycled experienced a drop in the first eight years (from 1982 to 1990) from 50% to 40% but the figure then bounced back again in 1994 to its original point. The upward trend continued until the recycling rate reached 60% in 2010.  
  
The percentage of paper and cardboard recycled went up erratically from 65% in 1982 to 80% in 1994 but then it felt moderately to 70% in 2010.  
  
*
I would still prefer that you do not use required information in a parenthesis. That is not actually a type of punctuation mark that helps advance your score in this presentation. A parenthesis is used mostly for optional or related but not too important information. You have to understand that every piece of information in this chart is important, not optional or distantly related to the topic being discussed. So give it the proper importance it deserves. You did a good job on presenting the information in this essay. The punctuation marks you used show that you have an increasingly good grasp of how to write in English. You have also shown that you know how to properly use estimates when required in the essay. Overall, this is a passing score essay. It may not be perfect yet, but the mistakes made are minimal enough to probably earn you a score of 6. I look forward to seeing you progress further with your writing skills.