dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Modern communications mean that's no longer necessory to write letters. Agree or disagree?

  
  
Over the past decades, the development of Internet has never failed to draw public attention and provoke debates. Although the implementation of modern technologies in communication is certainly a progress, the issue as to whether hand-letter should be replaced or remains controversial. In my opinion, we are no longer compulsory to write letters, crucial for the following reasons.  
  
Firstly, letters haven't improve to be the convenient means of interacting compares to any other ways. Some may argue that with letters, those who are not flexible with technologies due to its ever-advancing, it could be more easier for them to contact to someone. This argument could be true to some extent. However they should take into account the fact that with modern communications such as telephone or email, people are not only available to exchanging informations in words but also allowed people to store safely any attachments including files, photos and such. This means, in the working area, hand-letter does not contribute significantly to the improvement of professionalism of any organization and limit the work performance due to its minimal benefits of letters.  
  
Secondly, with modern communications, people are given numerous options of keeping in touch with others. The opponents may argue that hand-letter is more formal and the recipient is allowed to fell appreciated, moved and fired. However, those who are against modern communications are ignorant of the fact that in many emergency cases, a sudden call or text is the dominant choice. For example, when someone are in flames and excessive heats, undoubtedly, they will make a call immediately to the firefighters. This example indicates that letter is no more commonly used in nowadays world and in some high-risk cases, using modern means of communication is a must.  
  
In conclusion, utilizing modern methods of communication seems to be a timely action. Not only do they have positive influence on people daily life but also shows its value in some occasions as mentioned above.
Your response is missing the extent response to the singular opinion of agree or disagree. To be clear:  
  
Extent = the degree by which you agree with a given response.  
  
Or = a function word to indicate an alternative  
  
So you made 2 serious mistakes in this essay response:  
- There is no extent response that shows you have chosen one option over the other because of a serious or emotional consideration of opinions/factors relating to the discussion;  
  
- There was no singular opinion delivered based on your dis/agreement with the given discussion topic.  
  
The lack of both will affect your TA score since you did not opt to defend a clear point of view in the essay based on a strong belief in one of the two given ideas (agree or disagree).  
  
There is also the discussion problem with the essay. The suggested discussion format is: include any examples from your own knowledge or experience. For this essay to have scored better in that aspect of the discussion, you should have followed the suggested discussion point of view. There is a need to show the examiner that you fully understood the discussion instructions by indicating 2 paragraphs that represented 2 discussion points:  
  
- 1 general point of view using second person pronouns (public knowledge)  
- I personal point of view based on your experience (1st person pronoun)  
  
Although there is an "OR" option in this essay, most exam takers have found that when they represent both information as examples of their knowledge of the given topic, they get a higher score based on the C&C and TA categories of the scoring rubic.  
  
So your main problem is that you turned a single opinion essay into a C/C or A/D discussion essay. When that was not the required discussion method.
## First impressions are important

  
***Some people think that doing well in interviews is the key to securing a good job. To what extent do you agree?***  
  
It is argued that when someone has to interview in any company, so the first impression is the best way to get the job. It is agreed that first impressions are always useful to get and develop the work. This essay will discuss, firstly getting a great job and second, making many good relationships, followed by a reasoned conclusion.  
  
An impressed certificate may be able to be good, but to make employers remembers yourself through the first meeting is more essential because it is the chance to get a great job. Especially, when employees want to find jobs related to the business field because first impressions can create or break a business. A prime example of this is interviewing a new career after graduating or losing the old job. When employees interview a position in the event agency, the employers will judge how the employees present themselves and your venture in public, how they communicate with colleagues and clients, and so on. Hence, making a good first attractive is particularly important and is the best point to receive a good job.  
  
First impressions are also able to make a lot of relationships that have benefits for the career. When the employee has to meet the potential clients to exchange or persuade them to agree with the contract, he needs to create a good impression in the first actions. After that, these customers will have good attitudes with this employee and this company, they maybe share and introduce the best services of the company for their kinship, neighborhoods.  
  
In conclusion, the first impressions will likely become the chances of finding a great job and creating more and more relationships. And almost people agree that is essential that you take the time to get it right in the first instant.
Your reasoning paragraphs are sound. However, you failed to discuss the essay based on the manner prescribed by the original prompt. What I mean to say is, you are missing the direct response to the question: To what extent do you agree or disagree? Your response to the question was simplistic. It was not in accordance with the prompt suggested response method so your essay will be partially correct in representation.  
  
Question: To what extent do you agree?  
Response: It is agreed that first impressions are always useful to get and develop the work.  
  
The correct response should have used a first person pronoun since the question was asking you for a direct response to the question. Additionally, the response you gave lacks conviction. This is an emotional response essay so it should have had a stronger sentiment such as :  
  
I am fully aware of the topic being discussed and strongly believe that first impressions...  
  
Based on my understanding of the job interview trend, I am strongly supportive of ...  
  
Considering all the factors, I greatly support this idea because of a number of reasons.  
  
and variations thereof. Once you properly respond to the essay, you will not need to inform the examiner about how you will be discussing or what you will be discussing in the essay. An implied outline will score well since you are really required to outline your discussion points by the prompt.  
  
Your GRA score will definitely not achieve a passing mark because you do not have a good command of the English language. Your sentences are confusing and cause stress to the reader. Your ideas are not well explained nor developed because of the proper grammar and problematic grammar structures. I recommend that you read more English based materials and watch more English television shows, specially news reports, so that you can get a better idea of how to develop clearly explained English sentences and paragraphs.
## extinct or endangered species

  
  
**Topic: More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?**  
  
The number of species becoming extinct or endangered is increasing rapidly due to over-hunting by human. To tackle this problem, governments should enforce laws on protecting wild-life.  
  
Excessive hunting is endangering many wild animals. People use wild animal as material to produce luxurious products which are highly profitable. The huge amount of money earned from selling these products urged poachers to kill a massive number of wild animals without caring about environmental effects. The result is that many wild species disappeared forever and many others are at risk of vanishing. For example, a huge number of Indochinese Tigers have been killed for their skin to make clothes and their bone to be used as medicine. After being hunted for many years, this species have been pushed the edge of extinction in Indochina area.  
  
To conserve natural animals, authorities should establish and strictly enforce laws and regulations on conserving wild-life. This can be done by issuing bans on hunting, fishing and trading of wild animals; forming conservation area and establishing ranger forces. Any violation of these laws must be seriously punished to create a deterring effect in the society. These solutions will enable wild animals to live and breed in their natural habitat and increase in number again. In Vietnam, killing and trading tigers is illegal. Anyone who goes against this rule can be sentenced many years in prison. The strict enforcement of the law created a safe environment for the remaining tigers to live and reduce the risk of extinction.  
  
In conclusion, wild animals are being put in dangerous situations because human are killing them to satisfy their greed. It is only when governments issued strict regulations on protecting wild species can the number of wild creatures stop decreasing.  
  
I would appreciate all your comments on any mistake and ways to make my writing better. Thank you very much
Read the prompt. How many sentences are there? 3 right? Every sentence needs to be represented in the paraphrase. Not just the response to the questions. Offer:  
  
- The topic  
- Response 1  
- Response 2  
- Response 3  
  
Your format is incorrect. The essay asks you to discuss reasons, so you should be presenting a 3 reasoning paragraph based on:  
  
- Cause 1 with transition sentence for Cause 2  
- Cause 2 with transition sentence for the integrated solution suggestion  
- Explanation of the integrated solution suggestion  
  
Limit yourself to 5 sentences as per the standard format requirement of the essay presentation. You are only jabbering away, trying to impress the examiner with your knowledge of English language. He is more interested in how you can explain yourself in a fast, short, but accurate manner. Long essays will never get a high score. A comprehensive and not over thought essay presentation will increase your score.  
  
You must present more than one reason because the prompt asks for the plural of reason (reasons) but asks for only one solution. The reasons must be related because you are only allowed one solution presentation. The solution must be useful for 2 scenarios. The essay is forcing you to analyze the topic and discussion. It is not asking you to just keep on typing. Consider the instruction requirements at all times. Fail to do that and you miss out on the real methods of increasing your score.  
  
Analyze the essay. Don't just focus on your word count. A well explained essay is always going to be better off than a long winded essay.
I think in general, you've done quite a good job. Just some minor problems I think you can work on to better your essay:  
  
1. The second body paragraph seems a little bit too short. Try to make it around 5 sentences as Holt has suggested. Giving examples is a useful tip to expand the essay that you can consider.  
  
2. The topic sentence of the Solution paragraph is not a really good one. The next sentence, however, can be a better topic sentence since it goes straight into the topic you're going to discuss with a mini outline given in the end.  
  
As for the conclusion, I think it is totally fine to have 2 sentences instead of 3 as long as you have summarized all the main points in your essay.  
  
Hope you'll find this comment useful :>>
IETLS Writing task 2:  
***Some people think news has no connection to people's lives, so it is a waste of time to read the news in newspapers and watch television news programs.  
  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?***  
  
Collecting news has long become an indispensable part of many people's lives, yet some argue that there is no point in checking the newspapers or watching television for news since it has little relevance to daily life. Personally, I do not concur with this view since I believe that news is of paramount importance to people's lives as it equips them with the information needed for decision-making and offers them profound insights into their own life and the world around them.  
  
The first and foremost rationale for the vital role of news is that it informs people with the current state of affairs that can assist them to make wise decisions in their life. As an instance, news of the economic climate gives businessmen the basis to develop suitable strategies for their enterprises. A rise in oil prices, to be specific, can result in the escalating prices of myriad other materials and products, thereby raising the cost of production in plants. Another compelling example is the dissemination of health-related information. During the recent outbreak of the Covid-19 pandemic, for example, people need to rely on the news in the newspaper and on TV to keep themselves updated with the numbers of cases, preventative measurements as well as lockdown policies from the government so that they can come up with the best plans to protect themselves and their families.  
  
The second purpose that news can serve is to give people a better understanding of the collective world and their individual self. The news programs which feature war or hunger in Third world countries provide people in well-off states with a comprehensive view of what is actually happening on Earth, besides the luxuries of life they enjoy. Some people may propose an opposition that knowledge on those topics has little to no use in their life. However, I believe that these types of news can teach people to be grateful for what they have and thus motivate them to lead a more worthwhile life. Many people will also be encouraged to join hands in alleviating the suffering of their fellow human beings in less-developed or war-torn countries. Together, they can make the world a better place to live for everyone.  
  
In conclusion, thanks to the news, people can make educated decisions that are in their best interest and at the same time gain knowledge about the outside world as well as their own life. On these grounds, there is no doubt that the role news plays is crucial to people's lives.
You do klnow that you only have 40 minutes to write this essay right? You cannot write these many words within 40 minutes. Please use a timer when you practice, that way you will know if you are running overtime and you will be able to identify why. The standard word length is 275-290 words, focused on clarity and quality. The examiner doesn't care about how many English words and sentences you know. What he wants to know is how well you can express yourself, quickly and clearly, within the 5 sentence limitation of every paragraph. Keep it short, score better.  
  
Focus on developing individual discussion ideas. You are over discussing by presenting several reasons in one paragraph. None of which are properly explained nor supported with explanations and reasons. So the examiner will definitely call your writing under developed, confusing, and lacking in proper representation of ideas. You will not score well in the C&C section.  
  
Let us not forget, the examiner will also immediately see that you failed to respond to the task requirement. The requirement is a response to the question: to what extent do you agree or disagree? A simple "I do not concur" does not respond to the question that requires a measured response. You need to represent the gravity of your dis/agreement with the statement with an emotional response. You may review the other essays here on a similar topic and using a similar instruction to learn how to better approach this type of essay discussion.  
  
These are the two reasons that your essay will be held back from achieving a decent band score. You failed to accomplish the 2 most important tasks in the essay:  
  
- Deliver a coherent and cohesive essay  
- Respond to the TA requirement  
  
Remember, it is not the length of the essay but the quality of the discussion that will assure you of a passing score. Do not confuse a long essay with a quality essay presentation. It is the quality of the essay presentation, the adherence to the scoring rubic that will help you pass the test.
@Holt  
Thank you very much for your comment. I'm really confused when it comes to IETLS writing criteria yet your feedback has helped me a lot.  
  
Actually, I did write this essay within 40 mins since I did it in an online test with strict timing. I guess it was my typing speed. Apart from it, everything you have commented is absolutely right and it's really given me an insight into how I should write my essay.  
  
Thank you once again for your help.
## Music is a good way of bringing people together

  
  
Hi all,  
  
I am preparing for my coming IELTS exam. I really appreciate your attention and correction for my essay as below:  
  
*Topic: Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?*  
  
From primitive times to modern days, music has been seen as a critical element contributing to human civilization, which is not only a means of leisure but also a tool for connecting people together in society. In fact, there has existed an opinion stating that all the boundaries between cultures or generations can be broken thanks to those magical melodies. For me, such a socializing function of music can easily be observed in intercultural understanding but will not be the case for people of different ages.  
  
To begin with, common preferences for certain types of music can be shared widely between people all over the world regardless of the existing linguistic or cultural diversity. Obviously, the meaning of a song either instrumentally or lyrically can be perceived just through the pattern of the melody, which can convey certain human feelings such as joyful, grieving, inspiring, or even depressing. Therefore, music can be considered as a special form of auditory language helping people to understand the deeply silent thoughts that are impossible to be covered in any verbal expressions.  
  
On the other hand, music is actually forming certain standing barriers between different generations whose psychology will decide a distinctive music preference during specific stages of life. As a matter of fact, energetic adolescents can develop a passion for lively heavy metal, while adults at their forties or fifties tend to indulge themselves in instrumental classic melodies that function as a soothing pill for all the worries and messy thoughts stuffed in their heads. Hence, any common musical taste can hardly be detected between different ages for whom music is not only a leisure product but also an outlet for distinguished personalities developed in certain periods.  
  
All in all, music can be a tool for boosting intercultural understanding and relationships, but contrastingly a standing barrier between different generations.  
  
---------------------------------------------  
  
306 words  
  
Thank you for your help!
Oops ! Writing 306 words, when you did not respond to the task question properly means that you will not get a good score for this essay. Kindly remember that you are scored on your ability to respond to the question, and discuss in the manner required. That means, you can write a medium length essay of 275 words and score a band 9, if your writing is that good. But score no more than a 4 with a lengthy essay that does not adhere to the formatting requirements.  
  
Question: To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?  
Response: For me, such a socializing function of music can easily be observed in intercultural understanding but will not be the case for people of different ages.  
  
There is a great chance that you did not understand the discussion requirements and decided to just write something in the hopes that you will get a score for it. You will definitely get a failing score for the essay because you did not answer the question properly. Where is the measured response to the essay? The expected response is:  
  
I strongly dis/agree  
I totally dis/agree  
I vehemently dis/agree  
  
These are just examples of how you could have properly responded to the question, which would have led to a passing TA score. Unfortunately, you did not respond as expected so the TA score will not achieve a passing score. As a single opinion essay, you should not have used the C/C style of discussion. The instruction clearly asks you to discuss the side that you support within 2 reasoning paragraphs. You did not do that. You really moved away from the discussion instruction in the essay so it will be difficult for me to say that this type of writing, with the other errors considered, can get a passing score. It will be difficult for you to achieve that.  
  
Always look for the discussion instruction and make sure you discuss the essay as expected. The original prompt will always deliver the discussion instruction and what reasoning should be used for it. Learn to assess the essay, before you start to write your response. You can review the other essay samples here to help you better understand the different types of discussions you will come across in a Task 2 essay.