Linh, I know that you are often told that you should write as much words as you can in order to increase your scoring chances. The truth of the matter is that long essays do not equal a high score. Writing too many words, such as the 274 words that you wrote in this essay, could backfire because you do not have enough time to review your content for information accuracy, grammar usage, and sentence structure. The most efficient number of words to write, as far as I am concerned is anywhere from the minimum of 150 words up to 175 words at the most. Writing 200 words will already be a stretch because you will be sacrificing your editing time in the process. If you don't have time to polish your grammar usage and also, make sure that your paper is cohesive and coherent, then you will be taking a chance that your overall score will be low due to errors that could have been corrected before you submitted the paper. You need to make sure that you write just enough words for you to edit if necessary.  
  
Your presentation suffers from insufficient information in the presentation. It also doesn't appropriately present a summary overview. Your comparison chart represents 2 different years for comparison based on the same criteria. This is not a versus presentation. Versus means against, opposed to, or in contrast to. In this instance, the information criteria is the same, just the measurement results changed. So the more proper term would be "comparative data" instead. A more proper summary overview for this information would have been:  
  
*2 bar charts, representing the weight of the inhabitants of Charlestown during the years of 1955 and 2015 were presented for comparison purposes. The age groups represented range from 20 - 69 years which were divided into 4 groups. The 4 comparison groups are composed of the underweight, ideal, overweight, and obese participants. The measurements were done in percentage form. The bar graphs shows that the underweight group had a downward trend while the obese group had an increasing measurement.*  
  
You need to make sure that your summary overview clearly lists the required information presentation because that will help you, as the writer, outline your presentation and make things easier for you to write. Along with that reason, is the fact that it will also help the reader get a better idea as to what your analysis will be about. The more complete your summary overview, the better your chances of receiving a higher TA score.  
  
Do not keep repeating your trending sentence throughout the essay. That is not necessary. One mention is more than sufficient. By the way, do not use reference words that are not included in the graph. Mentioning terms like "working age", when no such reference in the graph is included tends to confuse the reader. Use only terms from the illustration. If necessary, use the specific age group mention. Do not deviate from the illustration information for TA and C&C scoring purposes.  
  
By the way, it would be better if you can present a 4 paragraph format for your Task 1 essays as that is considered to be a better paragraph presentation. It allows you more room to develop your information presentation and also, gives you a chance to present all of the required information without making overly long, confusing, or run-on sentences as you did in this presentation.  
  
You really showed the effort that you put into developing this Task 1 presentation and I applaud you for that. However, you made a few errors that you need correct on a permanent basis if you are to improve your presentation and scoring possibilities in the actual test. Keep writing and I will continue to guide you towards improving your work. This is an acceptable essay that makes me look forward to reading your upcoming Task 1 essays.