dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## petrol expense of citizen in the USA and UK

  
  
The line graph informs the percentage of petrol expense of citizen in United States and United Kingdom in three categories of people. Overall, it can be seen that people between middle income and rich on both countries have equal number of expense in Petrol.  
  
Looking at the figures, the poor people in United States and United Kingdom have different percentage of expense in Petrol. The poorest in Unites States spent about 4-6% of their income on the petrol, while the people in United Kingdom only use 0.5-2% of their income to buy gasoline. However, there was a gradual differences in the use of Petrol of the middle income people in United States, they spent around 5-4% of their income on Petrol. Conversely, the middle income people in United Kingdom experienced significant percentage than poor people, with 3-4% of their income to buy petrol.  
  
Interestingly, the group of people between middle income and richest witnessed equal number of percentage in the use of Petrol for both countries. The two line met at 4% on the use of Petrol for both countries. On the end of the figures, the percentage of use of petrol for rich people in United States decreased significantly than middle group at around 2-3%. In contrast, with rich people in United Kingdom with 3-4%.  
  
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First, I would change the word "Interestingly", you are not supposed to give your personal opinion.  
  
Second, about your overview - it's always better to give additional information to the examiner. Describe the main movements and the most significant changes.  
  
"The first graph increased gradually till 2011, before experiencing a dramatic decrease. In contrast, the second graph had been decreasing for the first 2 years, and then a significant increase was observed."  
  
That is just an example, bit I think it presents a good way to write an overview  
  
Now some grammatical suggestions:  
  
have different - have a different  
  
So many times, you have forgotten the defining article before the countries names  
  
gradual difference
~~The line graph informs the percentage ...~~  
The following line-graph represents the proportion of petrol expenditure by the citizens of the United States and the United Kingdom regarding three different categories of consumers  
~~Looking at~~After observing the figures, ...  
~~Interestingly~~ , Surprisingly, the group of middle-class (...) witnessed equal ~~number of percentage in the use of Petrol~~percentage of petrol consumption for both countries.  
Diaz, I felt that you pressed more emphasis over presentation of the stats rather than clarifying the impacts of those figures. That's fine, however explaining the consequences won't hurt if your readers get more into your article and learn something. Mind it and do regard my suggestions.  
  
Best.
Diaz, good work on presenting more than the minimum number of words in your essay. That said, you should have worked on separating the opening statement into at least 3 or 5 sentences instead of presenting such a long thread of information in a continuous line. It is always best to break down the information you are presenting into sentences so that the reader has a chance to really understand and keep track of the information that you are imparting. In the current form, the reader will tend to forget what he is reading about even before he finishes reading the complete paragraph. When you have more sentences in a paragraph, you have a good chance of creating more advanced to complex sentence structures that can increase your grammar accuracy score and also help to increase your task accuracy range because you will show a better understanding of the illustration provided to you as you get to explain more about what you understand than just the obvious data presented.
Hi! I am practising on ielts and i got this prompt  
The prompt says: **Some people thinks children's spending time on Tv, video and games is good , while others think it is bad .Discuss both view and give your own opinion**  
  
## Children in front of a glowing screen

  
  
Parents often wonder whether they ought to let their children spend time on TV, video and PC games or not. Many people suppose that spending their time on games can be a good way, whereas others believe the opposite is much better .In my opinion, I believe that TV, video and PC games have pros and cons  
  
On the one hand, there are various reasons why people believe that children's spending time on TV, video and PC games can be a good way. Firstly, children are able to promote their automatic reflex. According to research, solving the circumstances in games require ones accuracy, keen intelligence and concentration. This may bring about spectacular chance to raise the public's awareness of skill for when they play outdoor activities or find the solution for drawback, which requires one's maturity. Secondly, TV, video and games can be both entertaining and educational. Essentially, children are curious, so they really want to explore everything around them even the world. Watching TV, video are beneficial to get more knowledge and information. It is common sense that having more knowledge can prove one's maturity.  
  
On the other hand, some people argue that children should not spend their time on TV, video, PC games. Firstly, Children can be addicted to those digital things. Using those technological invention, one will feel comfortable because it always gives one high score or romantic, delighted detail. Stemming from that, one always is obsessed with them and gives priority to using them and isolate from society. That one are using those thing has caused health issue much higher especially obesity. If one watches TV, video and plays games all day without exercise, one will be fat, maybe obesity. In fact, it has a bad impact on children such as their habit, confidence. They must have abstinence which is difficult because they ate a lot. They will feel unconfident about their body therefore they do not want to communicate with anybody  
  
To conclude, I think that TV, video and games have advantage and disadvantage. Therefore, parents should let their children play if homework and chores are done before playing
To, you have written a pretty good discussion of the two points of view in this essay. However, you do not accurately develop your personal opinion as required by the essay. The personal opinion should have been the 4th paragraph of this essay in order to allow you to present all of the supporting data related to your personal opinion. Don't forget that the IELTS paragraph requirement has a maximum of 5 paragraphs. You definitely had the space to better develop your personal opinion in relation to the side of the argument that you support. In the current form of your essay, you are missing an important aspect of the discussion so your conclusion is terribly weak. Your overall score would have to be around a 4 due to the lack of personal opinion development.
It would be best if you can pick only one side to discuss as your opinion on the essay because that shows a clear understanding of the prompt requirement and, that is the usual response expected by the examiner as well. That is because this is not a comparison essay that asks you to compare and contrast both sides of an issue. However, if you wish to discuss both sides, you will need to pick only 1 strong argument in support of each position. Both of which you should present in a single paragraph of at least 3 sentences to justify your opinion. Here is what I suggest, write your opinion on the manner I describe here. I'll read it and tell you if you did it properly or not. Then I'll show you an example of how to write the paragraph in a better manner. I think you will learn better that way.
You were not able to discuss both points of view in your essay prior to giving your opinion. Always remember to deliver the required elements of the essay in order to score better in the Task Accuracy portion. That means you have to present the opposing side first, the side that you support next, then your opinion in support of the previous paragraph. That way the 3 discussion elements of the prompt at accurately represented in your essay. Make sure that you always refer back to the prompt requirements prior to your submitting your essay for a score. If you miss out on a single scoring criteria, you risk failing the whole test because your overall score will be dragged down by the missing or mistakenly represented portions. In this case, you missed out on a whole discussion regarding why children should be allowed to spend time watching TV and other things because you went directly to your personal opinion before discussing the general supportive opinion of that side of the discussion.
You have the format of the essay all wrong in your second version. There is a particular discussion format that must be followed at all times for a discussion comparison and personal opinion essay. If you can memorize the format, it will be easier for you to write the succeeding essays that require a 2 point of view and one personal opinion discussion. The format is really easy to remember. Just write it in this manner:  
  
Par. 1: Summary overview and presentation of your opinion.  
Par. 2: First point of view discussion with supporting information  
Par. 3: Second point of view with supporting information  
Par. 4: Your personal opinion that supports the point of view and information presented in paragraph 3.  
Par. 5: Conclusion which is comprised of a prompt restatement, 2 points of view, repetition of your personal statement.  
  
There are always 5 paragraphs in any given essay for IELTS. The above discussion outline is applicable to the "Discuss both views and give your opinion" prompt instruction. Remember the format. This will make it easier for you to write this essay type in the future.
If you notice the question.  
Discuss both view and **give your own opinion**  
  
You should provide your own opinion about this problem.  
Also, I think it is alright if you make a **clear stand position** in your first paragraph and try to **paraphrase/answer the question** directly, not the background facts.  
  
If I were you, I would try something like this in my first paragraph.  
  
*There is a debatable issue in society regarding with children's behaviour of spending leisure time on TV, video, and games. While I realize it has some benefits, but personally I believe it has more drawbacks if we take an account for them in long-term perspective.*  
  
Note: it just my own opinion, could be wrong.
Hi everyone, I will have the ielts test soon but I'm very weak in the comparison still. Can you help me to take a look on my works and give me some comments?  
  
## household energy usage & gas emissions

  
  
Question:  
  
**The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.  
  
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
Answer:  
  
The pie charts illustrate the percentage of different types of energy used and their greenhouse emission in Australian household.  
  
From the first chart, it can be observed that heating is the most popular energy that household used. Over half of the Australian household use heating to provide energy. The second popular energy used in Australian household is water heating which have almost one-third of the household who are using it.  
  
Moving to the second chart, it is found that water heating and other appliance emit the largest amount of greenhouse gases which contribute nearly one-third for each. Heating and refrigeration are the second energy sources that contribute the largest amount for greenhouse gases.  
  
For water heating, the percentage of energy use and the amount of greenhouse gas emission is nearly the same. However, the percentage of greenhouse emission of heating is greatly lower than that of energy use by 27%. In contrast, the percentage of greenhouse gas emissions for both refrigeration and other appliances doubled the percentage of energy use in Australian household.  
  
To conclude, there is no direct relationship between the amount of energy use and the greenhouse gas emission.  
  
*   
*Question - Pie Charts*
Janice, the information that you present is relevant to the pie chart presented. The weakness of your comparison statements comes from the way that you structure the paragraphs. I suggest that you look up a list comparison synonyms online and memorize how to use them in comparison sentences. The is an abundance of examples online for you to refer to. By constantly referring to various modes of comparison within every paragraph, you will increase your lexical resource score and also create more complex sentences with the overall essay. The mechanical presentation of the information will also be minimized as you will be forced to develop more creative thought presentations for the information provided. You understand the information, so focus on improving your comparison sentences for now.
**The charts below give information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
## comparison of the italian and yemeni population

  
  
Given are pie charts comparing the number of inhabitants in Yemen and Italy in 2000 and their forecasting in a half century later. It is noticeable that, the adolescence and middle-aged population will increase in both of countries.  
  
In 2000, at 46,3% of Yemen dwellers was dominated by 15-59 years group, predicted to grow exponentially in 2015, reaching at 57,3%. Conversely, having a half of percentage, the number of pupils is likely to fall at 37% later. However a slight changes of elderly population will be occurred, with just a mere 2,1% increment.  
  
On the other hand, the majority of Italian society in 2000 was 15-59 years group, accounting at 61,6%, yet, it will be forecasted to drop at 46,2%. Surprisingly, compared with Yemen, children population in Italian just recorded three times smaller in 2000, with a steady decrease will be experienced in 2050 at 11,5%. However, just one of four citizens was the older group and will be predicted approximately twice greater, standing at 42,3%, as the second biggest population in the future.  
  
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That is definitely not a good overview. It would be better to make a clear overview, to show the examiner that you are able to identify the most important information from the graph.  
  
reaching 57,3%. - without "at"  
  
slight changes in the elderly - remove the "a" and add "the"  
  
accounting for 61,6% - not account to  
  
forecasted to drop to 46,2%  
  
Overall, everything looks good, except for the Overview.
Ayu, why are you indicating the information in the essay based upon thousands of percent when he chart is only introducing it in tenths of a percent? The drawing indicates a period, not a comma in the presentation of percentage points. As you know, accuracy in presenting the information provided is of the utmost importance in this essay. So when you make such a serious mistake in the presentation of the information, you will automatically fail the test, regardless of the efficiency of the other aspects of the band score. Wrong information provided results in a wrong summary report, such as in this case. You need to learn to be more careful, analytical, and accurate in your information presentation. Always double check the data you are presenting against the illustration provided. Otherwise, you find yourself making serious errors such as the one you made above.
Hi! I am practising on ielts and I got this prompt  
The prompt says : **Some people believe that media should not be allowed to publish information about the private lives of famous people .Others say that everybody has right to keep privacy and this practise must be controlled or even stooped. Discuss both views**  
  
## celebrities popularity and their presence in media

  
  
Nowadays, an increasing number of people are concerned about private lives of famous people. People have different views that information of the famous should be published by media .While some people argue that everyone has a right keeping their privacy. I believe that people should be respected to keep their own privacy.  
  
On the one hand, there are various reasons why people believe that media should announce information of renowned people. Audience needs to enlighten for what well-known people narrate on stage. For example, when a lot of charity programs have been produced, a lot of celebrities take part in, helping the poor. However, that they are doing for what purpose is not obvious .Because, they really have compassion for the poor or they did that for their own reputation. Therefore, spectators need to know the truth for their gratification. Moreover, there is a symbiotic relationship between celebrities and the media. They are dependent on each other to exist. Famous people need media to spread their reputation , media needs to publish celebrity's information because that is their job. While there are beneficial for multi-side, it is fascinating to say that the pros outweigh  
  
In spite of these arguments, I believe that everybody should have right to keep their own privacy. Some self-made celebrities do not want to be misunderstood that they have used their own private life to achieve fame. Selena Gomez is a girl who is truly successful in her chosen field, stuck in affair scandal with Justin Bieber. After that, by applying herself to develop real skill and abilities, she has made a lot of achievements. So terrible are the media does not concern about it. What they try to do is exploits her past, her affair and puts it gossip magazines. Consequently it insults them. Some celebrities may put on a brave front but inside they are really anxious and fearful. Do not do that for your own benefit and push people down  
  
To conclusion, although it might seem sensible for media to publish information about private lives of famous people, as long as I personally prefer  
media should no increase an access to exploit celebrity's privacy
Personally , I think that you're quite competent at using Transitional Words to describe your ideas (e.g. therefore, consequently, furthermore)  
No spelling errors found ! However , Your sentence length is below average. You may need to focus on writing more complex sentences.  
  
... people are concerned about **the** private lives of famous people.  
... views that information **about** the *famous* -> **notable individuals** should be published by media .**While some people argue that [...] respected to keep their own privacy.** -> The meaning of this statements really confuses me  
  
...............  
Moreover, there is a symbiotic relationship between celebrities and the media. -> great vocab  
  
In spite of these arguments...  
  
-> The ideas of this paragraph seem not to be well described despite the fact that it's quite relevant to the point and easy to expand,
To, are you sure that you copied the prompt requirement properly for your essay? The reason that I ask is that the prompt requirement you were given discusses the same point in two different ways. Therefore, there is no supporting and opposing view to be discussed. The sentiment that the press must not be allowed to publish the private lives was said twice. I believe that the opposing view should have been indicated in the essay in order to create the correct prompt instruction. Since this essay has been discussed before in this forum, I would like you to refer to the correct prompt:  
  
*Some people believe that media (such as newspapers) should be allowed to publish information about the private life of people. Others say that people have a right to privacy and the issue must be controlled or even stopped. Discuss both views.*  
  
Prompt issues aside, I have to point out that your essay is very badly developed. You have incomplete sentences and stressful sentences that do not allow the reader to accurately get an idea as to the message you are trying to convey. That is why I do not want to score this essay at the moment. I want to be sure that you are responding properly to the prompt and that you have the chance to revise your essay to be more prompt adherent if necessary.  
  
Keep in mind, you are discussing a personal opinion when the prompt is simply asking you to discuss both point of views. Therefore, if this essay were to be scored, it would most likely get a 0 because you did not manage to discuss the essay based on the prompt requirements. You were to only discuss both sides, without offering your own judgement. A third person point of view discussion was required.
To, try to not type the prompt into the box. That is usually how these mistakes occur. Whenever possible, cut and paste the prompt from the original source. Or, even better, upload a scan of the prompt page. That way you can avoid confusion or misstating the requirements of the essay task. Regardless of the prompt requirement, my analysis of your work still stands. The same errors still exist and need to be corrected. Make sure that you take note of the final prompt instruction regarding how you are expected to discuss the prompt prior to writing the essay. If you are uncertain, ask your instructor first. That is assuming that you are enrolled in IELTS classes. There are various ways of responding to these essays. It is not always an opinion essay so you have to be sure that you present the correct point of view in your presentation.