dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
the turbine which ~~locates~~**located** in the hill is ~~more spoiled~~ for the landscape than ...  
  
1. which is located  
2. more spoiled ---> more + verb. Spoil is verb. not noun. More + adjective  
  
... producing electricity [~~b]untill[/b]~~ 1.5 megawatts.  
  
3. until not untill ---> typo  
  
The wind turbine which is ~~buld~~build near the the domestic area  
  
4. typo again  
  
Meanwhile, (...) can generate maximum wind strengths  
  
5. lebih dari itu, turbin besar lainnya dapat menghasilkan kekuatan angin maksimal ??? ----> turbinnya menghasilkan angin ??  
ONLY ENGLISH PLEASE
Hi Miss Septia  
These are my correction to finalize your writing. Please, you review them.  
^\_^  
  
... by using a wind turbine and ~~what types of its~~ WHERE APPROPRIATE locationS to generate optimum electricity. OVERALL, IT CAN BE OBVIOUSLY SEEN THAT THE WIND TURBINE CONSISTS OF FIVE ESSENTIAL COMPONENTS TO GENERATE THE POWER OF ELECTRICITY. ON THE OTHER HAND,  
  
... that the turbinE can be located ...  
... domestic turbine, the turbine ~~which locates~~ LOCATED in the hill is (...) than ~~the domestic turbine and the offshore turbine.~~ THE OTHER LOCATIONS.  
  
~~A~~ THE turbine can be (...) equipment ~~which are~~ INCLUDING a steel tower, ...  
... used directly to convert THE wind to electricity.  
... start producing electricity ~~untill~~ UP TO 1.5 megawatts.  
  
... locations to build turbines ~~to~~ SO THAT THE TURBINE CAN CATCH ~~generates~~~~maximum~~ THE wind MAXIMALLY.  
..., which are ~~in~~ ON the steep hill, ...  
The wind turbine ~~which is buld~~ BUILT near ~~the~~ the domestic area, has the smallest size~~.~~ , SO It can only ...  
  
I have found some misspellings. I suggest you reread your writing before you upload so that you can reduce your faults.  
Keep Spirit  
Happy Writing  
GOOD LUCK :D
***The diagrams below show the design for a wind turbine and its location. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.***  
  
The diagrams illustrate how the electricity can be produced by wind turbine and where is the best location to put it. Overall, the most powerful electricity can be produced when it is located in the the sea. The stronger wind blows, the higher electricity can be produced.  
  
A wind turbine consists of a steel tower, blades which is made by fibre glass or wood, a wind sensor, a generator, and a computer. First of all, wind comes from all direction through the turbine. After that, the blades rotate and wind sensor set up the speed while computer gets information from sensor to adjust the direction and angle of blades if it necessary. Lastly, the electricity which can be produced by the generator is around 1,5 megawatts.  
  
Location of a wind turbine must be concerned because it can be affected the output of electricity. There are three choices to put a wind turbine such as on the hill, near houses, and in the sea. Even on the hill and in the sea have an enormous wind but, the optimum location is in the sea because of not only the wind but also the landscape which is not spoiled. If a wind turbine is located near houses, it will produce electricity fifteen times lower than the turbine which is located in the sea and on the hill.  
  
*   
*Pictures*
1st paragraph:  
- ... produced by wind turbine and ~~where is the best location to put it~~various locations that are possible to be the place of the wind turbine.  
  
- Overall, it is noticeable that the most powerful electricity can be ~~produced~~generated(avoid repetitive words) when it is located ~~in the the~~below sea levels .  
  
- **The stronger wind blows, the higher electricity can be produced.**(It is indeed that this is true, but is this an opinion? because for me, it seems like an opinion. Thus, it would not be appropriate for task 1 essay)  
  
2nd paragraph:  
- ... steel tower, blades which ~~is~~are made ~~by~~from fibre glass or wood...  
- ... comes from all directions through the turbine.  
- ~~Lastly~~As a result , the electricity output ~~which can be produced by the generator~~ is ~~around~~at approximately 1,5 megawatts.  
  
Overall, despite the flaws, I think the body paragraphs have already conveyed an adequate explanation related to the pictures. Yet, some confusions related to whether to use passive or active are still become the major problem.  
  
Hope this helps Anisa :)
... how the electricity can be ~~produced~~ GENERATED by A wind turbine and where ~~is the best~~ APPROPRIATE locationS to ~~put it~~ PRODUCE THE ELECTRICITY OPTIMALLY. Overall, IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT THE WIND TURBINE CONSISTS OF FIVE PRIMARY ELEMENTS. MOREOVER, the most powerful (...) it is located in ~~the~~ the sea.  
  
~~A~~ THE wind turbine consists (...) blades ~~which is~~(You should conduct reducing here) made by fibreglass or ...  
First of all, THE wind comes from ...  
After that, the blades rotate,(Don't forget to locate a comma if those are different subjects) and THE wind sensor (...) while THE computer gets THE information from THE sensor to adjust (...) if it IS necessary.  
  
THE Location of a wind turbine ...  
There are three ~~choices~~ OPTIONS to ~~put~~ LOCATE ~~a~~ THE wind turbine ...  
~~Even~~ WHEREAS on the hill and in (...) enormous wind ~~but~~ , the optimum location is (...) but also the landscape ~~which~~ is not spoiled. If ~~a~~ THE wind turbine is located (...) than the turbine ~~which is~~ located in the ...  
  
Note: Actually, you have describeD the data well. you have shown a positive progress. However, you have to remember about use of articles "the/a/an". Besides that, you should order a phrase to guide readers that you explain an overview.  
  
I really believe you can show the positive progress in the term. Don't be bored to practice more and more  
Keep Spirit  
Happy Writing  
GOOD LUCK :D
Nowadays, many people encourage to build their own enterprises rather than become employer of some industries or organizations. In my perspective, it will bring many advantages than drawbacks.  
  
First of all, having self-company will make people's time more flexible, because they act as the chief executive officer, so they will create daily schedule by self. They can walk every time and everywhere as long as the company can operate well. If we compare with people that have a job, they have less flexibility. For instance, worker usually must go in the early morning and back to the home in the night even midnight.  
  
Secondly, our personal quality will be boost significantly. Started from leadership aspect, it will be developed rapidly because we must manage all and start from zero. We must set vision, missions, goals, create some divisions like human resource, marketing, supply chain, production, and others. Moreover, some skills like decision making, taking risk, creative thinking can grow ultimately. In contrast, worker do not have time to maintain their own skill better, because they already busy for doing their daily tasks.  
  
Third, today social enterprise become trend among the young people. They not only become entrepreneur, but also empower poor society around them to get a job. For example, in Surabaya, there was a place that became prostitution area in the past. Since the officials closed that in 2014, many local inhabitants had become unemployment because the visitors had gone. It is finally solved by many teenagers that build social-based company and change the place to become educative tourism place. So, it is proven that having own business will bring much benefits for society.  
  
All in all, starting business maybe more difficult than become labor in industry. However, in order to make our nation have bright future, a lot of job opportunity must be created for reducing poverty. Furthermore, it will bring many positive effect both personal and social.
Hi Faiz,  
  
I am not sure at all people in this forum has the book that you've written on your title in this thread. Thus, I would advise you to write the clear prompt or the question of IELTS writing task 2 for the next post.  
  
When reading the last sentence of the first paragraph, I assume that this is an "outweigh the disadvantages/advantages" essay. Then, I would like to say that this paragraph is unclear. You clearly stated that "it will bring many advantages than drawbacks", but what are those? at least just mention the keywords/key phrase in a single sentence about what advantages that you are talking about before writing the body paragraph. Remember, "a clear overall progression" is one of the criteria in coherence and cohesion part if you want to reach band 6 or above.  
  
Task 2 in IELTS would be time-consuming if you cannot manage your time well. I reckon that writing more than 4 paragraphs in this essay would bring detrimental effect towards your time management. You need to remember that you still have task 1. My suggestion is that you can just write the disadvantages in the first body paragraph, and simply write the advantages in the second body paragraph.  
  
Hope this helps Faiz :)
**Some people decide do start their own business instead of working for a company or organisation. Do advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?**  
  
Nowadays, many factories are developing in every country especially in the industrial cities, but people are more interest to become an entrepreneur. Although, there are some dangers and drawbacks to start-up own business. I believe that have own business is more benefit than the disadvantages.  
  
There are two dangers and drawbacks to build own business. The one that, it has higher risk than people work as work-force. Becoming an entrepreneur, people must have complex planning with high capital. This means, we must have well-prepared before having start-up in the business because many people have the same occasion. So, we must ready competing with other and ready to get loss financial. On the other hand, people as work-force just do what a duty is offered by boss and finish in the exact time. A further disadvantages is that we must have sustainable invention to improve our business. It means that for the next period we must ready for new innovation and make our business more developed than before.  
  
On the other hand, becoming an entrepreneur has several points and it is favor. The main one is convenience. People who have own job can relax in their business because of less pressure. Also, job time is flexible. If we compare with employee, they must come to office in the morning and come back in the afternoon. And then, people who become an entrepreneur can finish their job every time whenever they want to finish. The other advantage is they have higher income and can open job opportunity to other people.  
  
All in all, I think that becoming an entrepreneur is better choice than the one who work as employee. However, someone that afraid to get high risk can work in company or organisation. And I would not recommend to have own business.
Hi Wily. I am really sad to say this but due to the numerous errors in formatting, content and discussion, this essay would not score higher than a 4 in an actual test. The reasons behind the score are far ranging. Please allow me to explain why this is the highest score you can garner for this work.  
  
First of all, while you did understand the prompt, you were unable to clearly discuss the topic in a comprehensive manner. Your thoughts were splashed all over a single paragraph, lacking in proper presentation and wanting in logic and reasoning. So this makes the essay highly difficult to understand.  
  
You have to practice grouping your thoughts into related, successive paragraphs. You cannot discuss numerous, contradicting reasons in the same paragraph. This causes a confusion for the reader as there is no clear line of discussion being presented. Basically, you have to decide, the minute you are asked for an opinion in the prompt, if you will be writing the essay in a compare and contrast manner, which will allow you to discuss pro and con reasons in alternating paragraphs, or if you will write an opinion paper, which means the reasons need to be grouped in related paragraphs then discussed accordingly.
Hi this is my suggestion.  
1. ... for competing with other (company) and ready to ...  
Preposition+Ving---> so you need ad preposition before "competing"  
  
2. ... their job every time(,) whenever they want to finish.  
put comma after conjunction "whenever"  
  
3. ... afraid to get high risk (he/she) can work in ...  
need Subject between two clauses
**The diagrams show the design for a wave-energy machine and its location**  
  
The diagram gives information about the form of a wind turbine and several locations that can be placed. Overall, can be seen that turbine which placed on domestic will produce 100 kilowatts smaller than the resulting of generator is 1,5 megawatts.  
  
The machine consist of Steel Tower, wind sensor, Generator and computer. Steel tower function is a pole holder and place of generator and wind sensor. Wind sensor function is accepts a wind and lit generator. And the last is computer, its function is accepts info from sensor. The process starts when the turbine is reached by wind, as a results, generator will be lit because wind was reached a sensor and computer was sent info from sensor. After that the turbine will be turned on by generator.  
  
On the other hand, there are 3 locations of wind turbine, those are sea, local area, and hill. Based o the figures, we can see that, the turbine has been placed in sea result of landscape not spoiled. Domestic turbine produces 100 kilowatts. It is smaller than other which the generator produces 1,5 megawatts. Besides, Turbine has been placed on the hill have maximum wind strengths.  
  
*
hello reski  
here is my advice for you  
hope it works  
  
**complex sentence (who, which, where) + V1**  
  
Overall, it can be seen that turbine which is placed on (...) 100 kilowatts is smaller than the ...  
  
The machine is consist of Steel Tower...  
Wind sensor function ~~is~~ accepts the~~a~~ wind and ~~lit~~lift up generator. **avoid using 'and' in the first sentence >>**~~And~~ the last is computer,  
  
~~its~~it is function ~~is~~ accepts info from the sensor.  
  
As a result~~s~~ ,the generator will be lit because the wind was reached ...  
  
..., there are ~~3~~three locations of wind ...  
  
Based on the figure~~s~~ , we can seen that~~,~~ the turbine (...) in sea and the result of landscape is not spoiled.  
It is smaller than others which is the generator ...  
... placed on the hill where have maximum wind strengths.  
  
thanks  
keep writing
Hello,  
  
Overall, ([it] >> you should put subject here) can be seen ...  
  
The machine consist of ... [you forget to include blades in your writing]  
  
Steel tower ~~function~~ is a pole holder ...  
Wind sensor ~~function is~~ accepts a wind ...  
  
..., its function ~~is~~ accepts info >>information from sensor.  
  
Domestic turbine produces 100 kilowatts [of current/electricity]  
  
Gluck :D
Hello Reski!  
Allow me to give you some suggestion.  
  
Overall,**(need subject)**it can be seen that turbine which is placed **(Passive; S+To be+ V3)** on domestic will produce 100 kilowatts smaller than ~~the resulting of generator is 1,5 megawatts~~ .  
  
...generator.*And* (Reduce use "And" at beginning sentence) the last is computer, its ...  
  
*On the other hand* (These words use for show contradiction), there are 3 locations ...  
Based o**n** the figures, we can see that, ...  
Domestic turbine produces 100 kilowatts. It is smaller than other which the generator produces 1,5 megawatts.  
  
Repition  
  
I hope it can help you.  
Keep practice for make it perfect :)
1. Wind sensor function is accepts a wind and lit generator  
there are double subject, may you can change the sentence like this:  
  
e.g.: (the function of wind sensor is to accepts) a wind and to lit up generator.  
  
2. And the last is (a) computer, (it function is to accepts) info from sensor.  
  
its= pronoun--> you can make it "it function is to accepts"  
  
3. ..., as a results, generator will be (lift up) because wind was ...  
  
will be lit ---> will be lift up  
  
4. After that the turbine will ...  
  
put comma after "that" word..  
  
5. Based o the figures, we can ...  
may be you just miss spelling--> "based on"  
  
good luck
**Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organisation. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?**  
  
Several start-up companies have existed in this era. It is happen because there are many opportunities to be an entrepreneur. Although, some people think that work as a employee is the best choice in life. I believe that people who have their own company giving more positive effects than drawbacks.  
  
Firstly, people who become entrepreneur have flexible time to manage their own business. They can choose what time do the company open and decide when it will be closed. Also, if people have a lot of orders from customer, they can open the company longer than usual. A further benefit is that people can open job opportunity. It is very helpful due to they can decrease the amount of unemployment in their neighbourhood. After that, the government is helped by reducing the rate of poverty level in a country. And of course, the owner of company feels satisfying because they can help other people.  
  
On the other hand, becoming an entrepreneur has drawbacks effect. First of all is high-risk. It happens because if there is something bad happening, the company easily get bankrupt. Skills are needed to manage the company. Another disadvantage is that there are many competitors that compete to get many profits. The worse think that will occur is criminality. The competitor can do anything to be leader market.  
  
All in all, I think to be an entrepreneur is more benefits than working in office as an employee. However, someone who wants to start business should think twice about the risk of tax and they must have big capital to make big company and to anticipate if there is a problem in financial sector.
HI Mardian, it looks to me like this essay would score a decent 5 in an actual test. You actually have the ability to convey your thought process in an understandable manner. Your sentences do not stress the reader because the grammar situation is not as bad as it could have been. There is a clear understanding of the prompt, but there are areas that need improvement.  
  
Some areas of improvement include learning to create topic paragraphs. You have a tendency to discuss all of your reasons in one paragraph instead of spacing them out. By spacing out your topics, you will be able to present better evidence in support of each evidence presented. This will in turn, show that you have the ability to think coherently and present your ideas in a logical manner. In the end, learning this process will allow you to present the reader with an easy to understand essay.
In global world, some people are engaged with other culture of a country. Therefore, to understand that tradition, they assume unless they speak the language while some people believe that learning culture of a country can be archive with other way.  
  
To begin, the inhabitants who support learning a language mean learning its culture believe that language is the main gate to understand the culture of a country. This is because language would make easier when individuals want read the book or communicate with the native speaker. As the result, it can accelerate to know the culture of specific country side. For instance, when someone wants to learn about British culture they must be able to communicate with native citizen and understand each other.  
  
In spite of that method, there are alternatives ways to learn the culture of a country easily rather than learning language. Firstly, learning cultures are able to achieve by reading the translated book written by an expert. A case in point is a book which describe about table manner of the other countries. So, people can understand specific information because it is written in their own language rather than just read the authentic book. In addition, culture documentary such as national geographic, is one of the best ways to learn other culture because communities can see and heard even feel like they are involved in the spot.  
  
To sum up, although it is evident learning language mean learning culture of a country, I would argue there are other alternatives ways to understand the culture faster than learning language
Javu, welcome to EF :)  
  
Before rushing to my feedback, I would suggest that you need to give at least a single space / one enter for each paragraph. This can ease the reader to read and check the whole essay completely. Then, you also need to write the task prompt. I have no idea what your task prompt is. Different prompt/question has different way to answer. I think that you have already learned in the book about this. Anyway, let me just focus on your grammatical range and accuracy instead of the content because you didn't write any questions/prompts in this thread.  
  
1st paragraph:  
- In global world, some people are engaged with ~~other~~the culture of~~a~~the other countries~~country~~ .  
- Therefore, ~~to understand that tradition, they assume unless they speak the language ...~~(Confusing structure. Even, I have no idea what this sentence even mean)  
  
My suggestion is that, try to compose simple sentences perfectly first before coming to more complicated sentences. This could only leads to an essay with unclear focus and confusing structure. Besides, I have no idea about the prompt either. This makes me unable to give you a better insights on how to create an essay with such a prompt. According to IELTS writing band descriptors, if your errors dominate the whole essay, you can only reach 4 in grammatical range and accuracy part. This is what the criteria of band 4 in terms of grammatical range and accuracy looks like "some structures are accurate but errors predominate, and punctuation is often faulty" . Keep practicing, you need lots of practices to improve your writing skill. Good luck :)
***The graph below shows information about the reqruitment of teachers in Ontario between 2001 and 2007.***  
  
The line graph gives information about the range of fresh regular teachers in Ontario. The information goes back from 2001 to 2007 and covers english and french languange teachers. Overall, a number of teachers who teach english slightly increase over those years, meanwhile french languange teachers went up a lot. Generally, it can be seen that demanded of french languange teachers bigger than english teachers.  
  
The number of english and french languange stood at similiar point. It was about 70 percent in 2001. For the following year, the number fell by 20 percent.  
  
It was started from 2003 to 2007, there was a different trend for each teachers. The number of french teacher slightly rose and hit a high point at 70 percent in 2007. While, teachers who teached english still drop until 2003 to 40 percent. The range of french teachers has remained fairly stable between 2003 and 2004 at 40 percent, but it was plunged to over 20 percent in the end of 2007.  
  
*   
*Percentage of first-year teachers with regular teaching jobs by year of garduation*