dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hi Augustin, as this is my first review on your argumentative essay, I would like to WELCOME you to this ever growing family of writers, students and everybody who loves the skill and the art of writing. We hope you find this website to be helpful and even more so, valuable to your writing projects. We do strive to provide you with the most accurate and credible feedback that will hopefully enhance your article and boost your confidence upon submission.  
  
Moving back to your essay, I believe you managed to convey the views that you value in consideration of the topic at hand and this is very crucial to the article, as each views should be discussed objectively, with both views given the same amount of importance, the same examples to back up your arguments.  
  
Overall, the essay is well written, however, you can try to enhance the words that you choose in your sentences. Now, don't get me wrong, the words you choose are good and great in helping you express your views but it won't hurt if you pump up your words a bit more. Oh, I may not be able to rate you here on EF as we don't necessarily rate essays as to any standards, e.g. IELTS band etc, however, I can say that your sentence construction and the use of the English language is 8 out of 10. Keep writing.
Every season has its pros and cons. So does winter. And this write-up will focus on the negative impacts of the winter season.  
  
First of all, during this time, temperatures are relatively low and the weather is cold. This means there is every risk of chilling and catching a bad cold or a deadly fever.  
  
Also, the season is quite dry which is why our skin tends to become dry and brittle. In winter, we wear warm clothes covering much of our body. We, therefore, are less exposed to sunlight. This causes our skin to turn colourless and moistureless.  
  
At daybreak, often thick fog or mist forms. For this, car drivers cannot view their surroundings properly and accidents take place not infrequently. A criminal is free to roam around and can easily commit crimes without anybody seeing it. In conclusion, the rates of street accidents and crimes rise during winter season.  
  
A point worth mentioning is that we tend to feel lethargic during winter. Nobody actually wants to get out of the blanket and wake up early in the morning at winter. It is only circumstances that bounds most of us to do so. Our sense of responsibility forces us to combat the lethargy and work. Furthermore, water turns icy-cold and becomes difficult to use. We need to warm the water and then use it. This takes time and effort. Due to this inconvenience, our daily lives get hampered even though slightly.  
  
In a nutshell, winter has many negative sides to consider. However, it's a general truth that good and bad go along. Everything consists of both good and bad in different ratios. One is incomplete without the other. The more easily we will learn to accept this fact, the easier and better our life will become.
Here is my correction to you:  
  
Avoid to use chilling, this is not an academic word.  
You are repetitive in one sentence you used the word "dry" two times.  
Also,in your conclusion "" good and bad".  
Very hard to say you were clear. I lost you many times.and it was hard for me to follow.  
What i can tell you is to keep practicing, you have a good vocabulary but you need to practice more and more.
Soha, in order to improve your essay, you first need to learn how to outline your discussion. List down the following information in a separate sheet:  
  
1. Your topic title  
2. The reason you want to write about this topic (also known as a thesis statement)  
3. topics for discussion  
4. Supporting reasons and other relevant data  
5. Concluding statement  
  
Basically, you need to sort out what it is that you want to discuss in the essay in order to give it a tighter focus, create a more coherent discussion, and also prevent the fragmented sentences in your presentation. That can be done by first outlining your discussion and then working on the actual presentation after.
Soha, whether it is a formal essay or not is not important. The main thing to consider is that essays are written to inform the reader. Therefore, regardless of the writing style, be it formal, casual, or just something you wrote to while the time away, it still has to follow the format for an essay. If you wish to improve your English proficiency, specially in writing, then you need to familiarize yourself with the proper way to develop, draft, and eventually, write an essay. Even if it is just an opinion paper that you are developing, the writing and written work development regulations do not change. All of the expected parts of an essay need to represented and every topic sentence fully developed. This essay has the potential to become a very informative and lighthearted piece of reading. It is too bad that you don't have the time to fully develop it. Your writing skills show that with the right motivation and guidance, you have the potential to improve your English written skills.
The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the republic of Freedonia.  
  
Overall, i struggle a lot writing this report and i think there are a lot of noticeable mistakes - especially with the preposition usage and also at tymes it sounded repeatable. I am really concern about this sentence - "The same pattern was observed in the finance sector, where in just 20 years, 5 tymes more girls were occupated, while the number of men diminished again, this time by approximately 80 people." - i think it sounds quite stannge and confusing and i will appreciate every suggestion how to rewrite it.  
  
The graphs reveal the information in regard to the number of men and women occupated in 6 different job sectors of the republic of Freedonia. The provided information is about the period between 1975 and 1995. Overall, most of the males worked at the public(non-defence) sector, while the prevalent part of the females were occupated at the wholesale and retail trade area.  
  
The number of girls, who worked in the public(defence) sector increased significantly throughout the given period, whereas less men were employed in the same business area in 1995 than 20 years ago. The same pattern was observed in the finance sector, where in just 20 years, 5 tymes more girls were occupated, while the number of men diminished again, this time by approximately 80 people. The amount of males and females employed in the manufacturing stayed the same during the given period, as nearly 300 women worked there, while the men occupated there were twice as much.  
  
In the wholesale sector, in 1995 the women employed in this area were outnumbered by the men, due to the dramatic increase experienced in the amount of women occupated in this working area. The figure of the females at the communication sector fall by roughtly 300, whereas the number of men employed in this has not changed, from the rates observed in 1975. The men and women occupated in the non-defence public sector remained the same and they were numbered respectively, 850 and 650.
Hi Krempetkov, here are som suggestions:  
  
- The graphs reveal(provide, give) the information ~~in~~on/about~~regard to~~ the number of men (...) in 6 different job sectors ~~of~~in the republic of Freedonia.  
  
- The provided information ~~is about~~was over the period between ...  
- The number of girls, ..... inappropriate usage of word girl, you should say women or female.  
- The amount of males (...) stayed ~~the same~~stable during .....  
- and they were numbered ~~respectively,~~ 850 and 650 respectively. .  
  
excellent and well organised writing. :)
**Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?**  
  
With the advancement of technology revolution and the change of social structure, modern world leads a rapid lifestyle that is antithesis to the old days. The trajectory of either history or religions gradually loses its upper hand over the society, and the meaning coined to traditional festivals is often lost along the way.  
  
In early days, religions, traditions and customs play a quintessential role in life. They shape how people think and how they should interact with each other. Traditional festivals render opportunities for people in the past to gather together, to commemorate and to honor a special event happened in their own history. Also, the festival creates a sense of belongingness to their country. Nonetheless, modern technology opens not only a new era but also a new generation perceiving the world differently from the past. No longer do they rely heavily on these traditional events to feel that belongingness. Accordingly, the connotation underlies traditional or religious festivals to people nowadays have inevitably slipped away, and have been replaced with the denotation of a pure holiday for enjoyment.  
  
Although festivals have turned into holidays for people in the present, I do not agree completely that most people take festivals only to enjoy themselves. Young generation may not remember the original story behind the festival, but they still appreciate what festivals bring to them. It brings back their memory of the history, religion and tradition and who they are. It gives them time to take a break to reflect own their own, or to enjoy the time with their friends and family. At the end of the day, the essence of traditional festivals is still preserved and enjoyed in a different form.
First, i believe It is better to separate the paragraphs - Don't combine the conclusion and your 3-rd paragraph.  
  
... traditions and customs playED a quintessential role in life.  
  
...a special event happened in their own history. - This doesn't sound well to me, i struggle to understand what do you mean.  
  
... Also, the festival create~~s~~ a sense of belongingness ...  
  
...No longer ~~do they~~people rely heavily on these traditional events to ~~feel that belongingness~~to show their appreciation to their conuntires/roots.  
  
I do not completely agree that most people perceive the festivals, as an opportunity to enjoy themselves/have fun/have a good time.  
  
Young generation may not remember the original story behind the festival, but they still appreciate what festivals bring to them. - Stay in plural form - ...stories behind the festivals.  
  
Overall, i think your essay is quite good.
Hi all, I have just started writing IELTS task 1, please help me to correct and evaluate band score. Thanks in advance!  
  
**The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s.  
  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
The pie chart depicts the main three reasons: overgrazing, over-cultivation, deforestation which led to the degradation of agriculture in the 1990s. The table illustrates three regions, North America, Europe and Oceania suffered land degradation from those reasons. Overall, as we can see that the percentage of over-grazing is the highest, and Europe experienced land degradation most.  
  
Looking at the first chart, 35% of land degradation due to overgrazing; deforestation followed, accounting for 30% of land degraded. Moreover, there was a major percentage of 28% of farmland degradation caused by over-cultivation, while only 7% of other reasons made agriculture becomes less productive.  
  
Turning to the second chart; it is clear that Europe had the highest percentage of land degraded, at 23% in total with 9.8% of land affected due to deforestation, 7.7% due to over-cultivation and 5.5% affected from over-grazing. In contrast, North America suffered the lowest percentage with 5% of land degradation in total, 3.3% of land degraded caused by over-cultivation, while 0.2% and 1.5% of land degradation due to deforestation and over-grazing respectively. Regarding Oceania, there was 13% in total of degrading farmland on this continent, therein 11.3% of land affected from animal grazing compared to 1.7% of land impacted from deforestation.  
  
*
**Hi Kaun ..  
These are my thoughts toward your summary.**  
  
the main three reasons: overgrazing, over-cultivation, deforestation which led...  
You have to observe the chart more detailed because there is also another factor. It is better if you write  
THE PIE CHART REVEALS REASONS WHY HAPPEN THE GLOBAL LAND DEGRADATION, AND PERCENTAGES OF THAT CIRCUMSTANCE FOR THREE DISTINCT AREAS ARE SHOWED IN THE TABLE.  
  
Overall, as we can see that the percentage of over-grazing is the highest, and Europe ...  
When you present the overview, you do not give vague information.  
*Overall, it is important to note the primary cause of the degradation in the whole world was overgrazing. Turning to the specific region, this matter occurred the most in Europe.*  
  
... 35% of land degradation ~~due to overgrazing; deforestation followed, accounting for 30% of land degraded~~ WAS CAUSED BY OVERGRAZING DOMINATING AMONG FACTORS. THAT RANK WAS FOLLOWED BY EFFECT OF THE DEFORESTATION AS THE SECOND HIGHEST PROPORTION RECORDING AT 30%.  
  
... reasons made agriculture ~~becomes~~ BECAME less productive (You are supposed to be consistent in using tenses).  
  
Turning to your explanation about the table, you passed the prompt of writing task. Your paragraph seemed listing the data. Our job in the writing task is to compare the figures, not to describe the data separately.
Hello this is my correction for you, feel free to correction me too.  
  
The pie chart shows the main three reasons: ...  
  
this is my tips for your writing:  
  
first, you must remember in part one you should write at least 150 until 165 words.  
second, you must using various sentence or words, and attention your grammar and speeling.  
overall must put in introduce, don' input number in first paragraph.  
  
thank you, I hope it can help you.
The pie chart ~~depicts~~ gives information the ~~main~~ three main reasons: overgrazing, over-cultivation, and deforestation which leads to the degradation ...  
~~The table illustrates three regions, North America, Europe and Oceania ...~~ . Overall, as we can see that the percentage of over-grazing is the highest, and Europe experienced land degradation most.  
  
~~Looking at~~in the first chart, 35% of land ...  
... a major percentage ~~of~~ 28% of farmland degradation ...
Hi Kaun, below are my thoughts on your analysis.  
  
- The pie chart depicts the three main ~~three~~ reasons:  
- Oceania that suffered land degradation  
- from ~~those~~the mentioned reasons.  
- is the highest, and Europe experienced land degradation the most.  
  
- ~~Looking at~~At a closer look of the first chart,  
- 35% of land degradation is due to overgrazing;  
- Moreover, there was is a major percentage  
- while only 7% of other reasons made agriculture ~~becomes~~ less productive.  
  
There you have it Kaun, I believe this is my first review of your writing project and I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision. I did left the last paragraph for you to follow though with the modification and exercise your proof reading and editing skills, this should develop certain skills and it will be very beneficial to your future writing projects.
In 2011, Japan faced powerful quakes which caused tsunamis, killing more than 15,000 inhabitants, destroyed sea walls and shore protections and made at the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear plant was broke. Several days ago, Japan was hit by a 6.9 earthquake and shook the Japan islands continent and caused small tsunamis which made 15 people got injured. Paul Huang, a seismologist, says that the earthquake in this month is smaller than in 2011 accidents. To avoid more victims, Japanese governments commit to evacuate their inhabitants although the tsunamis small and energy was less. They argue that tsunami still including in the one of the annual disasters in Japan and always caused serious damage to their environment and the citizens.
Hi Dioba, below are my thoughts in your summary essay.  
  
- In 2011, Japan faced a powerful  
- ~~quakes~~earthquake which was caused by tsunamis,  
- protections, this incident eventually destroyed~~and made at~~ the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear plant ~~was broke~~ .  
- Japanese islands ~~continent~~ and caused small  
- ~~which made~~that resulted to 15 people ~~got~~ injured.  
- Paul Huang, a seismologist, ~~says~~said that  
- the earthquake ~~in this month is smaller~~attacks are not that intense than in 2011 accidents.  
- ~~their inhabitants~~the people although  
- the tsunamis ~~small and energy was~~are less intense .  
- They argue that tsunami ~~still including in the~~is one  
- and has always caused serious damage  
  
There you have it Dioba, for future writing reference, mind the logical construction of your ideas in forming your sentences as this can be sometimes confusing.
**Physical therapy bored : instead game.**  
  
Cosmin Mihaiu has been an Physical therapy entrepreneur and he became TEDx speaker in 2015. He has bad experience when he was child. Long time ago he liked hide and seek game but one day when he played that game they got accident. They fell and got injury. Eventually, their parents give them physical therapy to recovery their body. He fell that the method does not effectively working because the progress too long and he said that traditional physical therapy confusing and boring. Every day they should be doing same activities to recovery their injury. Therefore they creates new physical therapy right now. As physical therapy trainer he innovate the method and try to make something new which is gives happiness during the therapy.  
  
Finally the method is discovered, as he said that the method consist of modern technology and audio visual within one package game. To illustrates, the patient will play game witch dealing on injury. To operate the game patient need moved their body and the game has been setting to encourage the patient moving their body which is injury. Take it sample the patient have hand injury. The game which appropriate to recover their hand is honey bee obstacle. The honey bee in the games will fly and face more obstacle before getting honey and mission the patient is help honey bee to avoid the obstacles. The rule is rise their hand to up and downing their hand to down. When the patient rise their hand the honey bee will up and if the hand down they will down as well.
Hi Bambang, in this particular TED summary, I believe the modification should be focused on the minor details such as the linking verbs and the phrases associated in your sentences, to elaborate this observation, please find the notes below;  
  
- Cosmin Mihaiu has been a~~n~~ Physical ~~therapy~~therapist and entrepreneur ~~and~~, he  
- became a TED~~x~~ speaker in 2015.  
- He ~~has~~had a bad experience when  
- ~~Long~~One time ~~ago he liked~~as he was playing hide and seek  
- ~~game but one day when he played that game they~~he got into an accident.  
- They fell and got ~~injury~~inhured .  
- Eventually, their parents ~~give them~~administered physical therapy  
- ~~to~~for their recovery ~~their body~~ .  
- He fell that the method does not effectively work~~ing~~ because  
- the progress is too long  
- therapy is confusing and boring.  
- ~~Every day they~~They should  
- ~~be doing~~do the same  
- ~~activities to~~activities to recovery ~~their injury~~ .  
  
There you have it Bambang, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and should you need further assistance, we're here for you.
Handedness or the dominant hand has been researched by a psychologist, Mathew. In the articles read by the speaker, Mathew had found that handedness affects people who play music or some sports. Mathew also found that handedness is used to identify better strategy in sport game. Meanwhile, another research had been conducted by Mathew in German to find the human capacity to utilize both hand equally, namely mix-handed. The experiment involved the number of musician regarding to the type of instrument, the length it was played, and their regular practice. Interestingly, the result showed that keyboardist had high level using both hand, while string players such as violinist preferred one hand. Another experiment showed that handedness is use in some sport such as hockey, tennis and gymnastic. In hockey, the players tend to be mix handed due to the fact that hockey stick must be deployed in two direction. Also, mix handed players is more confident rather than one hand players. While in tennis, they prefer one hand player to make large vision.
Nda, when you are referring to the person speaking in the audio or video, make sure the reference the title of the person if it is provided. In this case, the speaker was Dr. Mathew. A psychologist is, by profession, a doctor and therefore, holds the title at the start of his name in respect to his profession.  
  
When you begin describing the types of people who play music or sports, that would have been the best time to mention some musicians and sports players as examples, rather than mentioning the terms twice in the summary as you did. By the way, you have a redundancy as sports and games describe the same activity. For example, tennis is both a sport and a game. Therefore you can just say "sport" when indicating one game or "sports" in plural form.  
  
Finally, the country is known as Germany and the people from Germany are German. The language of the country is also known as German. The experiment was conducted in Germany, not German as the research could not have been conducted on the language. Germans could have been the experiment participants but then you would not have been correct either since you said the experiment was conducted by Dr. Mathew in German.  
  
Overall though, your summary has successfully reported on the most pertinent points of the audio / file. You should score well in the test because you did not leave the reader with more questions than answers while reading the totality of your summary.
Hi Raeni, below are my thought and insights to your summary essay.  
  
- ~~Mathew had~~He ( at this point, you can already substitute the subject as you have established it already ) found that  
- in sports~~game~~( sports and game somehow goes together but not in a single sentence, otherwise it seemed redundant ) .  
- Meanwhile, another research ~~had been~~was conducted by Mathew  
- in Germany ( the place where the research was conducted ) to find the  
- namely mix-handed and being ambidextrous .  
- The experiment involved ~~the~~a number of  
- musician ~~regarding~~ to test the type of instrument,  
- that a keyboardist had higher  
- level of music capacity by using both hands ,  
- in some sports such as hockey,  
- While in tennis, they prefer one hand player to ~~make~~create larger loop of vision.  
  
There you have it Raeni, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and for future writing reference, I suggest you focus on constructing a more logical sentence as this can be sometimes confusing.
There are two divers called Freja and Sif want to costumize their heart rate to suit the length of dive with porpoises and cetaceans. With this activity, they can predict to consume oxygen before dive since the depth and length was very deep. Moreover, at the present time, they know that the heart rates of both animals have related to the different dive factors, such as dive duration, depth and exercise. As time goes on, as a matter of fact, the harbour porpoises have cognitive control of their heart rate that make them can take longer time in the deep water. However, they cannot be disturbed by loud noise since they will experience panic condition.  
  
source : newscientist