ahmed, your essay has a very strong presentation when it comes to the actual discussion. You show a thorough understanding of the prompt requirements in relation to the direct discussion method. However, you lack a proper presentation for your opening statement and concluding statement. In an IELTS essay, the most important scoring aspects are the opening and closing sections because these are the two criteria upon which your Task Accuracy / English comprehension and expression skills are scored. That is why I have a problem with these two sections in your essay.  
  
In the first paragraph, you created a prompt deviation, a very serious error in your presentation which could have totally failed your essay had you not been able to recover from it within your body paragraphs. By posing 2 separate questions that seemingly do not relate to the given original argument, you could have ended up focusing your discussion on a response to your posed questions instead. Luckily that did not happen in this case and it should not happen at all in the future. That is why you are always advised to avoid posing questions as part of your discussion. That is the only way to avoid a prompt deviation. You must always be focused only on responding to the given instructions, nothing more. So no questions looking for responses in your future essays alright? Simply stick to restating the discussion you were provided in your own understanding. That is where the TA regarding English comprehension is considered.  
  
Now, in relation to your closing statement, I noticed that you chose to go with run-on sentences through the use of semicolons and commas. Avoid doing that as well. You are being judged on your ability to create complete paragraphs, composed of 3-5 sentences in the C&C section, run-on sentences prevent you from doing that. Additionally, Your ability to develop proper simple and complex sentences are limited by the existence of run-on sentences. That is why your GRA score will also be affected. Finally, just summarize your discussion in the closing statement. Recap the previous prompt and its salient discussion points. Don't introduce new information as you did here because that is not allowed in the closing summary. Doing so will limit your ability to increase your ability to prove that you have an analytical mind that can pick out the important information to presentation to the reader. This will affect your TA score as well.  
  
By the way, you are also being scored on your ability to properly write an academic essay. That is why the requirement for the Task 2 essay is a minimum of 250 words with no maximum, although I advice writing only 250 words in order to leave ample time for the editing issues involved in finalizing the quality of your written content. You should also begin to practice the required 5 paragraph essay for the Task 2 test. The 4 paragraph essay is only acceptable in the Task 1 presentation as that is an analytical essay that does not require a conclusion. Your Task 2 essay requires the following information for proper and maximum scoring considerations:  
  
1. Introduction  
2. 3 body paragraphs that follow the discussion instructions  
3. A concluding statement that summarizes the discussion  
  
The aforementioned format for the writing of the Task 2 essay is standard. Write less than 5 paragraphs and you will be scored down for not completely representing your arguments. You will be able to meet the minimum word requirement by writing a minimum of 3 sentences per paragraph, write 5 sentences and you will certainly go over the word requirement and be considered for the higher score band in each instance.