dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Dear @Holt and @thaolinh, thank you very much for your feedback  
  
This is my first attempt at doing the IELTS Writing Task 2. I actually tried using a timer and managed to write in 40 minutes. I was surprised at the word count also, but I think I was able to write that long because I typed the answer (since I'm planning to take the computer based test, adn I'm trying to familiarize myself with typing). I spent around 3-5 minutes on revising some errors I noticed, although I realized I could have done better.  
  
I have been educating myself on tips and tricks of writing an opinion essay from a variety of resources (mostly youtube videos and websites) before attempting to write. I suppose there was one source that mentioned that it's okay to agree with both sides of an argument, as long as it is not perfectly balanced. Correct me if I'm mistaken on this. So, I infer that your suggestion on a "positive or negative question" is to just pick one side?  
  
Ah and for the final statement, the question of the essay literally asks "do you **think** this is a positive or negative situation?". And I used **I think** as a simple way to deliver my opinion. Do you suggest to not use the phrase "i think" or "in my opinion" in these essays?  
  
You also mentioned there was spelling issue, I noticed one error I made was on the abbreviation ie. (should be i.e). I put it again on spellcheck and couldn't find another error. Could you advise me on which word I mistakenly spelled?  
  
Once agai thank you very much on your constructive input!
Hi Epi, about spelling and grammar error, I suggest you to use grammar. It is free and quite useful. You can also use the Premium Version for a better experience  
  
And if this is the first time you try Ielts writing task 2, I suggest you to practice for Ielts writing or Writing strategies for the Ielts test, it will be very helpful. You can learn some connection word and structure for an essay in Ielts test.
## Nowadays people waste a lot of food that was bought from shops and restaurants.

  
***Why do you think people waste food? What can be done to reduce the amount of food they throw away?***  
  
In recent years,the throw away culture of foods in shops and restaurants has become a hotly debated topic around the world.This essay will discuss the two main reasons that encouraged this wasteful notion and will then propose some remedies.  
  
Passing through a long period of time,the habit of leaving some foods behind has become more prevalent than ever before where the primary purpose is to flaunt out their financial situations. Such actions could be ascribed to the past culture where there are plenty of fresh ingredients and so forming this unthoughtful habit that still remains until present time.  
  
Furthermore,as I mentioned above,the quality of the products nowadays has changed a lot since the modern era began,which leading people to many discoveries that boost the effective of the methods of raising crops.Unfortunately,there are drawbacks such as vegetables and livestocks could not maintaining the original aroma.In other words,scientists nowadays intervene deeply into the development of raw ingredients which often seen in the case of genetically modified corns and meat.As a result,foods lost their value and not being well treated as before.  
  
In order to tackle the problems of food wasting,the government should promulgate a law that charging excessive foods.By doing that,many remnants will be save and society could so far avoided this problem.Moreover,raising people's awareness of potential diseases on their left-overs is extremely necessary and could be held by means of telecommunications.  
  
In conclusion,although it is true that foods are being grown faster and easier than ever before,still,food ordering should be strictly controlled by the authority.Going along with it is the telecom which holds an important responsibility in warning people about the capability of threads from the residues.Therefore,people could understand and mitigate the waste.
Where does it say in the original prompt that there is a debate about the topic? Examiners frown upon exam takers who exaggerate from the original prompt statement. That removes the validity, factual correctness, and proper informative ability of your presentation. Do not exaggerate and avoid creating information just to "spice up" the presentation. That will not help your score. Additionally, you have to provide single topic references for each question to create a fully developed prompt restatement. The original prompt will also indicate how many paragraphs you need to write for the essay. In this case, 1 restatement of the topic, one reason as to why people waste food, and one suggestion as to how to reduce food wastage. Add the conclusion / reverse paraphrase and you have a total of 4 paragraphs required. So you actually over discussed the essay in this case. Only the 2 point of view plus personal opinion instruction requires a 5 paragraph response.  
  
You are too busy writing long sentences that do not deliver any information to the reader instead of writing reasoning based sentences that help move your essay forward. You have a tendency to simply write long sentences that do not have a clear purpose. You need to write a mix of simple and complex sentences that actually make sense to the reader, in short form rather than run-on form.  
  
Your conclusion is confusing. What does telecom have to do with the discussion? It doesn't factor into the original prompt representation. Your conclusion does not represent a properly developed summary conclusion.
Hey every one this is my first contribution to this forum. Excited to found this place.  
  
## Summarize information from the charts

  
  
The six given pie charts illustrate how water is used in six different continents of the world. It is mainly used for industrial, agricultural and domestic purposes.  
  
Overall, the charts show that agriculture is the biggest consumer of the water in four out of six regions, whereas in the rest of the areas namely North America and Europe, industrial sectors consume the largest quantity of water out of all three uses.  
  
Moving to Africa, Central Asia and Southeast Asia, where it shows that 84%, 88% and 81% of the water is utilized for agriculture reasons respectively, whereas the proportion of water used for domestic reasons is quite similar in all three areas which is between 7% to 9%. In South America, however, only 19% of all water is consumed in houses, while the top user still remains agriculture with 71%.  
  
Interestingly, in Europe and North America almost half of the water is used for industrial purposes and a third of the water goes for the crops production. In both these parts of the world less than a fifth of the water is utilized in domestic use.  
  
Word count:186  
  
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In the trending statement, it would be better if you do not mention any countries in the latter part if you did not mention any in the earlier part. Rather, use the same fraction reference for both parts of the trending statement. That way the reader is not confused and you show a uniformity in your writing style for that paragraph. Of all of your paragraphs, that one is the least clear in terms of presentation information.  
  
In terms of sentence structure, you should be looking to show a greater GRA skill. The sentences are mostly run-on because they are just long sentences that tend to confuse the reader. The confusion comes to too much information being packed into every sentence. It makes it difficult for the reader to follow. Divide the ideas into individual sentences. That will help you keep the presentation clear within every sentence.
I believe that you should try to write more complex sentence and use words used for describing pie charts in Task 1 like 'account for', "make up for".etc...  
  
And I found your essay quite difficult to keep track. In this essay. I think that you should divide the essay by use of water, not by countries.Like how is the amount of water used for argiculture differs in different areas, something like that  
  
English is not my mother tongue so I find it is very hard to express my idea. However,I hope this helps
Greetings. I tried to give feedback to another student. It was in the unanswered section. I tried my level best, spend a good 20 min on it only to get a warning "not to post useless comments".  
  
Anyways this is my response to task 1. I will appreciate if someone can comment on it.  
  
Thanks in advance  
  
## students able to speak other languages than english

  
  
The two given pie charts compare the percentages of students belonging to a British University, who were multilingual and they could speak languages other than English in the year 2000 and 2010.  
  
Overall, both the charts show that the largest proportion belonged to unilingual students. While the trend for other categories were similar both the years, the biggest variation can be seen in the percentages of Spanish speaking students.  
  
To begin with, those students that could only speak English formed the biggest group both years with 30% and 35%. However, the second largest proportion with 20% in 2000 belonged to Spanish speaking students, this number fell by 5% in 2010. Similar drop in the percentage was noted in francophones as well, from 15% to 10% next year.  
  
Moving on to the other two determinants, two other languages and another languages, percentages for these students increased from 15% and 10% to 20% and 15% respectively. The only other category which showed no change was the number of German speaking students which remained constant at 10%.  
  
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I would like to show you some problems that make me confused.  
ex: ...both years with 30% and 35%. ( can you show more specifically about which year one of them belonged to?).  
the sentence "However, the second ... number fell by 5% in 2010" might be wrong in the information because I really realized that 5%=>10%  
  
Indeed, I do not appreciate your essay. the fmain reason is that you did not analyse the detailed information at the 2 latter paragraphs that are required much valid information. Each of them should have 3-4 sentences. In addition, you should put more comparisons among categories, try to exploit the information. Some number can be phrased to words referred to amount like a small number=5%, over a third= 35% and etc.  
  
I hope that you can enhance your essay next time.
I'd love to make some recommendations for you.  
  
1)" who were multilingual ..."  
I think that it would be better to wirite as "who were **bilingual and multilingual** speakers". "Multilingual" already means "speak languages other than English". You didn't need to repeat "speak languages other than English" here.  
  
Or, you could simply write "students...who spoke second languages" . To British students, "second languages" of course means "other languages than English".  
  
2）"those students...with 30% and 35%."  
The sentence as it was is somewhat confusing. I try to clarify it for you: **The British students who spoke only in their native tongue made up the largest proportion of the student body in both years given, as their share saw a slight increase from 30% in 2000 to 35% in 2010**.
***A government's role is only to provide defense capability and urban infrastructure (roads, water supplies, etc.). All other services (education, health, social security) should be provided by private groups or individuals in the community.***  
  
## Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

  
  
There is no doubt the governments play an important role in developing their countries. The government can only provide a limited range of services for citizens. Although certain services must provide by the government, whereas governments and private groups or individuals can share the responsibility for some services. In my view, I believe that life development associate with citizens should be government responsibilities.  
  
To begin with, the government is not a group who own by private groups or individuals, it has the accountability of every activity to the people. The government collects the tax from a citizen, has highly funds available to allocation to different departments. They promise to taxpayer's money will spend on the development of the infrastructure and defense capability. Besides, the government should provide other services-education, health, and social security. For example, in Taiwan, the government take responsibilities for the 12-years compulsory education and health care to ensure the quality and equity of the citizen that all can get benefits.  
  
On the other hand, some parts of services can be divided into private groups or individuals. For instance, the government built a system of roads, but road maintenance can carry out by private contractors. Moreover, electricity or water supply can by personal companies.  
  
In conclusion, I believe the government has imperative roles in offering essential services, but private groups could share the responsibilities.  
  
Thanks for marketing.
@CATNIP  
  
Hi Catnip, here are some of my thought on your essay  
I think there are several grammatical errors, some are insignificant, but some made your sentences difficult to undestand  
  
"... services must be provided by the government, ~~whereas~~  governments ..."  
  
I think you haven't discussed both views in a balanced manner. On the second paragraph, you focus more on describing how the government's function, instead of elaborating on which services they should offer, and which ones should be offered by private companies. You could explain in depth with reasons and examples.
Your essay is only 226/250 words. So definitely expect to lose points for not meeting the word requirement. The essay could have extended far longer into the required count if you had properly discussed the essay. Since you chose the 2 reasoning paragraph method of discussion for the public points of view, your personal opinion should have been presented in the middle and towards the end of every topic paragraph. That means, the your personal opinion should be integrated into the public opinion. Call it a 20/50 split. 20% will consider the public opinion and 50% of the paragraph will consider your personal opinion. Discuss both in an integrated manner and you would have had a more applicable essay presentation.  
  
The concluding paragraph is never a one liner. Aim to restate your total essay within 3-5 sentences for this section. Highlight by restating the topic, reasons, and personal opinion in a new manner. 3 sentences minimum.
**Now I comeback with the second time taking Ielts test. Hope my writing improve**  
  
## IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - ADVERTISEMENT POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE EFFECT

  
  
Nowadays, advertisement has bombarded people with various images and videos on technological devices and publications such as Television, Smartphone, and Newspaper. This trend brings about both positive and negative effects on humans life.  
  
On the one hand, it is undoubted that advertising has numerous significant benefits financially and socially. First of all, advertising provides customers with a large amount of products' information, which helps them to make better shopping choices. This also means that buyers can choose the product that works best for them. When it comes to social meaning, the advertisement might raise people awareness and knowledge about products development as well as cultural and social problems. For example, Adverting viewers can discover more about technical gadgets through smartphones or Laptops advertisements, or a lot of brands use storytelling with meaningful messages about family, dream, country, and so on to introduce their products to the customers.  
  
On the other hand, advertising also results in several severe impacts on both companies and customers. First of all, companies have to spend a large amount of money on advertising. Because of this, apart from the cost of manufacturing, customers have to pay for the advertising cost, too. Another drawback that directly affects customers' spending habits is that advertising will encourage people to buy things that they do not really need. Take the iPhone as an example; some big fans of this brand always desire to own the latest version of this kind of smartphone, although their certain phone is still in good using condition. This leads to a waste of money and natural resources, or further will contaminate the environment.  
  
In conclusion, advertising can be a good source of information for smart buyers. Still, at the same time, it can pose a serious threat to customers' benefits as well as the environment if people are not fully aware of its harm.
If the discussion instruction includes the reference to "Is this a positive OR negative development", then you have already made a mistake from the very beginning of this essay. You cannot say that there are both positive and negative effects because of the single opinion reference. You need to opt to defend only one side successfully within the 2 reasoning paragraphs. This is not a comparative essay discussion that will allow you to discuss both points of view. The word "or" indicates an option which one can take when making a decision. Hence the single choice / topic response.  
  
You have also written too many words for a 40 minute task. Write no more than 275-290 words to ensure that you will be able to complete the full writing check process and also, have a clearer and better developed explanation per paragraph. Errors in grammar, C&C, and vocabulary sections are quite noticeable in this response. So between the incorrect format, and other errors, you may not realize that you have made serious errors that can prevent you from a passing score.  
  
You are using connecting words like "Because" to start a sentence when you should know that connecting words cannot be used to start sentences as there are no ideas to connect at that point. You take too long to create your explanations. Remember the time limit. You need to say more using less words. Your LR and GRA scores, as well as the C&C will benefit from your quicker responses and explanations as this will show a depth of English writing level. The shorter but clearer your explanation, the higher your score.
@Holt  
Thank you for your advice. I really appreciate it and I will pay attention next time. But I have a problem want to ask.  
If I get a topic that is something positive or negative, can I start with " In my opinion, A has both negative and positive impact " and then discuss both side. Because I prefer discuss both side and i often do not favor any side than other.  
  
Again, your advice is really useful. Thank you very much
## Opinion essay on hobbies

  
  
How can I fix my ielts task 2 essay,having a lot of trouble with it.  
  
Popular hobbies and interests change over time and are more a reflection of trends and fashions than an indication of what individuals really want to do in their spare time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
  
Nowadays recreational activity becomes fashionable in short period then disappear when a new trend comes along,some of them seem to be popular,therefore I can  
  
agree that hobbies reflect the changing fashions.  
  
On the one hand,many hobbies and interest are the trend of fashions,especially teenagers and children,are attracted to whatever is popular in their age,it is often  
  
to see a teenager trying to learn everything that is popular in school,first is basketball,then might be dancing or skateboarding,they might change their  
  
hobbies every months. However , it not only happen on young people,recently we can see many adults join to jog every morning and yoga, which will feel unenjoyable during long term for most of them.  
  
On the other hand,some of the people will spend their free time on the hobbies that is no contact with fashions,but this kind of people often enjoy with it,  
  
like assembly a robot model,for example my cousin can spends 8 hours long on his model and still feels enjoyable,which are certainly not following the fashions or  
  
wasting time on the thing that they don't really like. Instead of doing fashions stuff, they can have excited with some game that no one knows about, therefore they can find their true fascinating.  
  
In conclusion, the hobby that is following with fashions normally can't stand for long term,but the hobby that makes you interest with it will have a chance  
  
to stay with you for your whole life.
For starters, you need to write more than 239 words. The minimum is 250 words. Writing less than that will result in severe percentage points deductions due to lacking words. Even if your English is not very good, just make sure to write at least 250 simple sentences. You can aim to write more complex sentences later on, when you are more comfortable writing in English.  
  
The question is "To what extent do you agree or disagree?" So you cannot simple say, "I can agree". Rather you have to say either "I strongly agree because" or, "I agree to the extent that... " Then explain further in the reasoning paragraphs.  
  
You have to remember that this is not a comparative essay that instructs "Discuss both points of view". It is asking you to defend the single opinion presentation. No more, no less. Use 2 reasons to convince the reader that you have the right opinion. Focus on a single opinion defense. That is way easier to write than having to write 2 opposing points of view. Remember, the clarity of the essay will come from the way that one reasoning paragraph supports the next one. That is what creates a clear discussion. Your discussion when reflective of 2 opposing paragraphs will lack the required clarity of an increased C&C score.  
  
The concluding paragraph must be at least 3 sentences. It has to reflect the topic and the previous discussion points in order to be considered a concluding summary of the discussion. Lacking those entries means you have an open-ended rather than a closed essay discussion. A single run-on sentence, as presented here will also be penalized in the GRA section.