dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
I can sense the effort that you placed into developing your response to the given discussion point. However, your inability to properly form English sentences have prevented you from creating an understandable essay. The message you are trying to deliver is not properly supported. The first line of reasoning does not make sense. The examiner will not understand what you mean by; "In the highly competitive edge , people need to possess various skills to stay competitive edge in the fierce society . " What do you mean by competitive edge? Does this refer to the profession of a person? The life of a person? It shows that you are not capable of forming understandable English sentences.  
  
Your ideas are not clearly represented in your writing so that means you have to work on developing your sentence formation / structuring skills. That is because you do not really know how to properly use English words. I believe that is because you are thinking in Vietnamese and then looking for possible translated words in English. When you do that, you end up making improper word choices which leads you to write improperly developed sentences.  
  
To be clear, you cannot discuss working benefits for knowing language, and then discuss it in terms of learning languages while traveling. If that is the case, then the office worker should be learning the language from his own country because he cannot leave his job for years, which is the amount of time that it will take him to learn the language if he chooses to travel to a country. There is a clear disconnection in your discussion development.  
  
This type of TOEFL writing cannot get you a score higher than 2. You need to improve your English vocabulary and do more sentence structuring exercises. Focus on the sentence development and the vocabulary should follow suit. If you can, enroll in English language classes first. Don't just jump into essay writing. You are capable of doing that yet. You need to have a teacher to help you improve for now.
Task 2:  
***Some people think that newly built houses should follow the style of old houses in local areas. Others think that people should have freedom to build houses of their own style.  
  
## Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.***  
  
It is believed that the architectural style of new houses should be the same as that of old buildings in local areas, while others contend that people should be free to design their own style of house. I agree with the second view.  
  
On the one hand, the major reason why modern constructions should follow the style of the old ones is that this helps preserve the tangible cultural heritage, which could boost revenue from tourism industry in these areas. Hoi An, which is one of the most famous ancient towns in Viet Nam, perfectly exemplifies for this situation. In fact, Hoi An has been renowned for old houses in tubular shape, built with traditional architectural ensemble during the 17th century. As a result, Hoi An has become a popular tourist destination that attracts millions of domestic and foreign visitors on an annual basis.  
  
On the other hand, there are strong arguments that people should have the right to choose their own style of house. First, the style of old buildings may not suit some people as each individual has own taste and aesthetic appreciation. Therefore, it is irrational to force people to erect houses in a specific pattern. Second, it would be much cheaper to build a modern simple house rather than one which has to reflect architectural features. This means that traditional construction materials, like wood, tiles and stone are of great difficulty to obtain due to the high cost of them, whereas new houses are built using affordable materials, such as aluminium or plastic.  
  
In conclusion, although it is said that the design of modern and traditional buildings should be the same, I personally think that owners should decide to create their house the way they prefer.
The prompt paraphrase still contains several original words from the original discussion presentation ( in local areas, be free to design their own style of house) . Since these words are still in the original form or, too close to the original, the examiner will still see these words as memorized phrases in the cut and paste form. By not using enough alternative words in your restatement, you will be negatively affecting your GRA score. You may end up with a lower than passing consideration in that section. Try to use more descriptive words that still retain the original meaning in terms of word usage.  
  
While this essay does use a comparative discussion approach, you failed to properly reflect the group reasoning discussion for the 2 public points of view. Those were to be presented based on the original discussion topics in individual paragraphs, prior to your personal statement. Your personal opinion should not be presented in the prompt restatement yet. Only the discussion instruction should be paraphrased in that portion, allowing you to explain what the discussion format / outline will be. So it should look like this:  
  
Par. 2: Public point of view 1. Explain where this point of view comes from and why it is a valid discussion point  
Par. 3: Public point of view 2. Again, describe the validity of this point of view  
Par. 4: Portray your analysis of both POV's and then offer your opinion and why you believe your opinion properly supports one of the two POV's.  
  
As per the GRA requirements, you should be using the group and first person pronouns at least once in this type of presentation. Using those references will help you increase your GRA score as you show that you are capable of using proper pronouns when required in a discussion. Pronouns are part of a basic English sentence structure and should be reflected somehow in the discussion presentation. When you do not use the pronouns, your essay comes across as a totally personal point of view discussion, which is not the format this essay discussion requires.  
  
The personal ipinion is often appended to the conclusion by most students. That is the incorrect approach. The personal opinion will help give clarity and coherence to your discussion. It is a major scoring consideration. Never use it as a single sentence in the concluding presentation. It must always be a completely developed stand alone discussion presentation before the concluding paragraph.  
  
The concluding paragraph must summarize the preceding discussion. It must never contain a continuing discussion such as a personal opinion because that leaves you with an open ended essay. That means, the essay is not properly formatted as there are 2 rephrasing presentations required, once in the first paragraph, and another in the last paragraph. That is the 5th paragraph for this type of essay presentation.
***Art classes, like painting and drawing, are bit as important as other subjects, so some people think that it should not be a compulsory subject at high school***.  
  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
This issue of educating students remains controversial. Some people think that art classes are not necessary to be the main curriculum in high school. While I agree with this view, I believe that other factors are equally important.  
  
On the one hand, there are some reasons that mainstream educational should not put art subject in the main curriculum. Firstly, there might be several students who may feel burdensome if they have no artistic talent. For instance, they get a low grade in art class, which might hold their total average grade down. It could be hard for them to apply for scholarships. Secondly, art classes consume too much of students' time. As I see art classes seem to be useless on the practical side because nowadays the entrance exams do not include art in the mandatory tests (math, literature, English,...). If students who have artistic talent, they will apply for the university of art and also have other exams to test their skill.  
  
Nevertheless, I believe that school should provide a well-round education because there are some students needed to develop their artistic skill in classes. Over more, art classes not only boost creative thinking and also serving as a channel of stress relief for students. After having a stressful academic study, art classes will help students to stress, expand their interest and stimulating their hobbies in the study.  
  
In conclusion, while art classes are a bit as important, I believe that art classes outweigh all other motivators.
Hello quynh huong,  
  
I think you've done a good job, as you clearly see the purpose of your essay! However, in its current form it is probably too short.  
  
I would advise you to describe your ideas more thoroughly because IELTS 2 writing task requires appropriate vocabulary.  
  
Moreover, the task says: to what extent do you agree or disagree? Don't hesitate to explain that you partly agree with the statement. Make sure you stick to the same position. First, you write: I agree with this view... (art classes should **not** be a compulsory subject); in conclusion you state: I believe that art classes **outweigh** all other motivators. Please accurately check how you state your opinion.  
  
Best luck for IELTS!
Please do not forget that you need to meet the 250 minimum word requirement in the task 2 essay. You only wrote 248 words and yes, you will still receive percentage points deductions for the missing 2 words. Though seemingly insignificant, every point matters. So losing even just a fraction could mean the difference between a passing or failing score for you in the end. Always strive to meet the minimum word count. Writing 5 lines per paragraph should help you automatically meet that consideration.  
  
You also did not stick to the discussion instruction. The instruction was for you to discuss: To what extent do you agree or disagree? You changed the discussion instruction by saying: While I agree with this view, I believe that other factors are equally important. That is not the question being asked. You are to offer a response based solely on the discussion topic provided. Your total essay went against the discussion parameters as delivered by the original prompt. Hence, this essay cannot get a passing score.  
  
This is a single opinion extent essay. You misunderstood the discussion requirements and in the process, ended up discussing a topic that you created, not the topic that was given to you. As such, the examiner cannot give you a passing score. You must understand the discussion instructions and learn to format your response based on that requirement. An extent essay is presented as:  
  
Par. 1: Restatement + extent response to the question  
Par. 2: Strong reason 1 that shows support for your response  
Par. 3: Strong reason 2 that further proves the strength of your opinion  
Par. 4: Prompt restatement + discussion recap + repeat of your opinion  
  
You cannot have a partial dis/agreement in this essay. You do not have a middle ground option in the discussion. You are scored on the clarity of your opinion and your discussion defense. The scoring requires you to pick one side and defend it. You cannot have a middle ground opinion because that means you do not have an opinion at all.  
  
As you can see from the paragraph format above, your work did not come close to the required discussion presentation / format. So you need to work further on understanding the different discussion types for the Task 2 essay and how to best frame your response for the highest possible overall score.
@quynh huong  
Hi,  
To this type of essay, in the introduction, you should paraphrase the topic  
In the thesis statement: you should answer the question Agree or disagree. You need to clarify your viewpoint.  
Ex:  
It is the fact that .......... Personally, I agree that ...........  
  
I think you should choose one side in this case instead.  
Conclusion: Paraphrase the prompt, your viewpoint, and ideas in topic sentences 1 and 2  
Hope it helps.
## Analysis of the maps essay

  
  
The three given maps illustrate the changes of West Park Secondary School's construction during the period since 1950, through 1980 to 2010.  
  
Overall, there is a range of kinds of facilities having been done around the school. Sports field, car park and science block were highlights.  
  
According to the first construction in 1950, the space was divided into 4 main parts: school and playground which were located near a farmland and a row of houses. After 30 years, it was seen a new car park and science block built as the replacement of the old houses. The previous farmland was reconstructed into sport field, so that students could try various sports here.  
  
In 2010, there was no change in the science block and the school main building. However, the extent of playround and sport field was narrowed as the result of the car park area's expansion. The sport fields was even reduced by about 3 times. Although adults found it easier to park, students would feel uncomfortable in practising and playing in a small space.
I need the image uploaded to serve as a reference when reviewing the content of your report. I cannot offer a comprehensive review when you do not include the image. Please remember to upload the image next time. Students are not allowed to upload the image for the OP. Here goes my grammar review for your work instead.  
  
Kindly be mindful of your spelling. Your LR score depends upon it. You misspelled playground as playround. You should also do a review of your singular - plural rules. There is an error in relation to that grammar instruction in the following:  
  
The sports field was even reduced... - ... field were even...  
The previous farmland... - The earlier farmland...  
  
I cannot double check your essay for information accuracy since the image is not included. Kindly remember to include it next time so that I will have a better idea of the discussion instructions and have a comparative point for your information presentation. Thanks.
Since you did not specify if this essay is for the Task 2 essay or for your school research, I will assume that this is just an English exercise on your part and review it in the most applicable way possible.  
  
You have writing errors at every step of the way here. You should have paid more attention to your writing presentation and less on the word count. Even though you wrote 606 words, that will not erase the great number of writing errors you made which if you were taking a task 2 test, would result in the failure of your essay score. If you were writing this for a school presentation, your teacher would definitely have you rewrite the whole paper. This only works as an English exercise paper because this type of writing will help you spot your mistakes and areas for improvement.  
  
Familiarize yourself with the difference between the American and UK English spelling guidelines. The same words have different spelling such as in this case, behavior is the American spelling, and behaviour is the UK spelling. You also misused a helping verb in the following presentation:  
  
They do not know what is humanity - They do not know what humanity is.  
  
Do not aim to over complicate your sentence presentations in the hopes of getting a better score or sounding more academic. Simplicity is always best:  
  
... an appropriate punishment for any criminal... - ... is a suitable punishment  
... while maintaining it... - while keeping it...  
are still retaining - are still keeping...  
... so not many death... = ... so few death...  
  
Comma usage:  
... and humanity so - and humanity , so ...  
... but, many - no comma required  
  
Do not words that will indicate you do not have a strong belief in your opinion:  
... ~~maybe~~ come from  
... ~~In my opinion,~~ whoever  
  
Clarity:  
...crimes given to the majority of offenders... - given to most offenders  
... when you commit a crime you have to... - ... you must...  
... you absolutely have to = you must  
... 55 countries are still keeping ... - are keeping  
... almost of ... - almost all of the world  
... but many in reality... - but, many  
  
Avoid contractions in formal writing:  
can't = cannot  
  
Avoid using overused expressions as these come across as memorized phrases and words:  
more and more = increasingly  
special circumstances = extra ordinary circumstances (specific adjective usage for clarity)  
  
These corrections should help you get started. I would have preferred to have read the prompt for this work, or at least have an idea of the writing instructions so that I could have given more pointed advice. This will have to suffice for now.
***Many parts of the world are losing important natural resources, such as forests, animals or clean water.  
## Choose one resource that is disappearing and explain why it needs to be saved.

  
Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. (250 words)***  
  
There is a considerable decrease in natural resources such as animals, forests, and clean water nowadays. This essay elaborates on the importance of forests which need urgent protection from people around the world.  
  
First, we consider forests as air filters which function like the Earth' lungs. Leaves of the trees take carbon dioxide in the air, sunlight and water to produce nutrition during the process of photosynthesis in which oxygen, a necessary chemical element for all living things, is released into the air. As the results, the atmosphere becomes cleaner and fresher with more oxygen and less carbon dioxide.  
  
Second, forests play a vital role in reducing floods and landslides. Roots of trees, bushes and grass help to stop or slow water flows. Thanks to forests, fatal floods are in control, so death rate is low. Similarity trees and bushes help stabilize soil layers that helps to eliminate landslides, which are very dangerous for people and animals.  
  
Lastly, forests are the safest habitats for many flora and fauna. If people keep destroying them for any reasons, there would be no home grounds for wild animals and plants. In Vietnam, forests have been being destroyed seriously in mountainous regions. As the results, many rare spices such as Sumatra and one-horn rhinoceros, trunk pigs and koala have come into extinction.  
  
In conclusion, forests bring loads of benefits to living things around the world, especially human beings. Hence, protecting and preserving the forests is necessary to save living things on the planet. (250 words)
Actually, you wrote only 249 words. I am not sure how the missing word requirement will affect your score because I am not sure if you are writing a Task 2 essay or a TOEFL essay, or what. Please be clear about what sort of English exercise you are writing next time so that I will be able to slant my review towards your actual educational needs.  
  
You must focus on developing your sentence structuring skills. You have a clear problem with word formation when it comes to your sentences. You need to familiarize yourself with the basic English grammar rules when it comes to writing. Pay specific attention to your singular - plural usage. Additionally, learn how to write words of ownership ( in reference to nouns - Earth's) These are the most evident problems that I spotted in your essay. Additionally, learning to use alternative words for the keywords in the prompt would also help you to score better. It shows a wider language vocabulary on your part. This will also help you with better sentence formatting.  
  
Now, for the other problems. When referencing a series of connected words or phrases, always use a comma to help clarify the presentation ( Roots of trees, bushes, and grass). You should not always use adverbs in a sentence (very dangerous should be extremely dangerous) as the wrong use of adverbs tends to affect the clarity of the sentence presentation.  
  
Your thought process is clear. Your presentations are somewhat clear, there are certain instances when your word formation does affect the clarity of the presentation but not to the point of it becoming non-understandable. Focus more on your sentence formation and word usage. Do some non-essay exercises to help you improve in that section. You can download apps for that. It is normally free to download and use.
Correctness for spelling, punctuation, etc:  
1. ... natural resources, such as animals,  
2. ... importance of forests, which need  
4. ... sunlight, and water to  
5. As a result~~s~~, the atmosphere ...  
6. ..., bushes, and grass  
7. ..., so the death rate is low.  
8. soil layers that help~~s~~ to  
9. ... them for any reason~~s~~  
10. As a result ..., trunk pigs, and koala ...
Here is my essay.. I hope that I can receive comments from you! Thanks.  
  
## IELTS Task 2 about Genetic engineering

  
  
The question is:  
**Genetic engineering is an important issue in society today. Some people think that it will improve people's lives in many ways. Others feel that it may be a threat to life on earth. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.**  
  
Nowadays, genetic engineering plays an important role in society. People have different views about the influence of genetic engineering.  
One of the advantages of genetic engineering is the high production efficiency. With the help of technology, the amount of food supply increases. For instance, vegetables that are fragile and difficult to take care of become easier to grow. Therefore, in a constant period, people can plant more than decades before. Furthermore, when food production keeps getting higher, the price declines gradually. This makes food become more affordable, especially for the people who are living in poor countries. Since famine is a serious worldwide problem currently, genetic engineering gives opportunities for those people suffering from hunger to buy food at a lower price, which helps them to have better lives.  
  
On the other hand, the danger of genetic engineering is still unknown. Although  
genetically modified food is widespread in many countries, it is impossible to assure that this kind of food has no bad effects on health. This means that perhaps it has a long-term influence on damaging people's bodies, but we still have not discovered it yet. Moreover, genetic engineering also reduces the diversity of food. Specifically, genetically modified food is always attractive, which is artificial. When farmers grow plants in a natural way, though crops are not as perfect as genetically modified food, they have different shapes and colors naturally. Food diversity should be appreciated because they make the world colorful and special.  
  
In my opinion, while genetic engineering helps people to produce food more efficiently and alleviate the famine problem, it may also destroy our health and the world.