dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## the impact of facebook and other social sites on people

  
  
Some people claim that social media has a detrimental effect on both people and communities. I strongly support this notion. This essay will elaborate on the issue.  
  
First of all, it is clear that over exposure to social media can lead to both physical and mental health problems. The excessive use of the Internet of many children can be responsible for the sedentary lifestyle. Nowadays, many young individuals spend hours lock themselves in the room and play video games all night without the parental control. Therefore, they tend to suffer from illness and poor-health problems. In addition, young social network users are also likely to experience cyber bullying which is the main cause of isolation and depression at the early age. For example, research has shown that more than 5 percent of high school students are the victim of cyber harassment.  
  
Another reason for my belief is that the society is affected by the misleading news on the Internet. Due to the developing and widespread of social media, people can share news and posts that are not censored with ease. For instance, for the government in Vietnam, many reactionary often create a website that is similar to popular TV programs and upload fake news about politics and the communist party. Moreover, in modern days, when the covid-19 pandemic is spreading all over the world, fake news about medical treatments or the origin of the virus is widely spread, which can bring about the fear and panic for global citizens.  
  
To sum up, it is true that the use of social-sites can cause many health problems physically and mentally for people and spread misleading information. For that reason, I believe that we should be more careful and take responsible for every time we use the social media.
I strongly support this notion. This essay will elaborate on the issue.  
Do not close the statement after your opinion. Offer your 2 discussion reasons to help offer the supporting reasons in a summary form. The reasons will help enlighten the examiner about the relevance of your supporting reasons to your opinion. It proves how well you understood the question in relation to TA considerations. You are scored on English comprehension skills in the first paragraph so work hard on providing a compelling restatement and thesis statement. Doing well in this section wins half the passing scoring marks you need to pass this text section.  
  
both physical and mental health problems.  
Divide this into 2 presentation paragraphs as these relate to 12 different health topics.  
  
Therefore, they tend to suffer from illness and poor-health problems.  
This is the central discussion topic. These needed to be fully developed in terms of explanation and examples. Instead, you are presenting a reason without supporting evidence. You cannot get a passing C+C score because your overall reasoning paragraphs suffer from this problem.  
  
You clearly understand the writing demands of the instruction but fail to develop complete reasoning paragraphs due to your improper focus on reasoning statements rather than reasoning development/ explanation.
Was this paper meant to be a task 2 essay response or, as a research paper? Based on the manner of discussion, I believe you have written this as a research paper and will review it as such. Please specify the paper type next time for a more precise review.  
  
I noticed that you referred to research information in almost every paragraph, but you did not properly cite the source of information in-text. When you use information that was learned through other sources, you need to acknowledge the source. Otherwise, you will be accused of plagiarism. If this were a task 2 paper, you would have hada bigger problem because you can only use personal or public knowledge as information. You cannot cite other sources.  
  
\* Limited review due to uncertainty regarding the writing format.
## shares of expenditures for selected categories

  
  
The bar chart illustrates the amount of money spent on five main items in four different countries including the US, Canada, the UK, and Japan in 2009.  
  
It is clear that while the largest amount of money was spent on Housing in the US, Canada, and the UK, the figure for Food was the highest in Japan. Also, it is notable that the percentage of consumer spending on Healthcare and Clothing was the lowest in the four cities.  
  
As can be seen from the chart, the US expenditure on Housing was the highest with just over 25%, which was substantially higher than Japan's expenditure, at only about 22%. However, the proportion of consumer spending on Food in the US was much lower than the figure for Japan, at approximately 30%. In addition, the US and Japan had the lowest percentage of consumer expenditure on Clothing, at only nearly 5%.  
  
Regarding the expenditures in Canada and the UK, the figure for Housing in the UK stood at nearly 25%, compared with only 21% for Canada. Conversely, the percentage of consumer spending on Transportation and Health care in Canada was much higher, with 20% and nearly 5% respectively. In addition, the UK and Canada spent the lowest amount of money on Clothing, at just over 5%.  
  
*
The bar chart illustrates  
The bar chart is divided into 4 sections. Include that reference as the individual items are listed / measured per country. Remember, the summary needs3-5 sentences to be considered complete. That is inclusive of the tending statement.  
  
five main items  
what are those items 1  
Enumerate. Seperate your information into individual sentences. Your presentation is a GRA violation as it is a run-on sentence.  
  
cities  
Incorrect. The reference is countries, which is totally different from cities. Use a more correct synonym like region, realm, or sovereign state.  
  
spending on Food in the US was much lower than the figure for Japan, at approximately 30%  
Whose expense is the 30% referring to? The subject off that information is unclear. Always relate the figure to the country. failure to doso affects the reference clarity and the accuracy of your grammar.
## regular reading is Beneficial

  
  
It is sometimes argued that books enable people to achieve a higher quality of creativity and perform language skills in a better way than watching TV. While many sometimes gain benefits from watching video, I think it is usually better to engage in reading books.  
  
It is obvious that watching TV is not the right choice due to some factual reasons. Firstly, watching TV for a long period of time may harm our eyes to some extent, and therefore, they can suffer from refractive errors, especially myopia. Secondly, as videos sometimes are just for entertainment purposes, they sometimes have unreliable information, which can lead to serious misunderstanding in gaining knowledge. Thirdly, many websites like Youtube contain too many advertisements and thus, the users may show a higher level of annoyance over the interruption. For example, when I was watching a detective film last night, the three-minute advertisement made me feel uncomfortable, and in my opinion, switching to this activity is worthless.  
  
I believe that more and more concentration should be put on reading books instead. It is much more effective for readers to gain exposure to the formal words used in context because books are commonly written by professional authors. Furthermore, books can also enhance focused attention, and thus, this can greatly contribute to immersing people in every fine information they are absorbing. Additionally, books also allow readers to develop imaginative skills, which is not likely to be easily acquired by watching television. For example, when reading Harry Potter, readers often have to conceive of fierce battles between Harry and supervillains, which can form a strong attachment to them.  
  
In conclusion, I agree that books are likely to be a much handier tool which supports the development of practical skills than videos.
I think it is usually better to engage in reading books.  
Your informative response based on the prompt requirement is incorrect and offers a prompt deviation. The response required is in disagreement based on your emotional support for the given statement. The question was: To what extent do you agree or disagree? Rather than offering a response based on strength of personal belief, you offered an unclear and unelated opinion response instead. Even in the conclusion, you stated :  
  
I agree  
which is still an incorrect response because it lacks the measured response strength. Your TA score fails twice:  
- Unrelated prompt response in the prompt restatement  
- Incorrect response format in the concluding summary  
  
Review the proper response format for a measured response essay. I believe you are unfamiliar with this advanced writing task. You better start with the simple task questions for now.
If you look at the band descriptors for writing task 2, you will see the words "extend" and "develop". This means if you want a high score, you need to extend and develop your ideas.  
  
Take your essay for example:  
"It is much more effective... written by professional authors. (1)  
Furthermore, books can also... they are absorbing. (2)  
Additionally, books also... acquired by watching television." (3)  
The three sentences talked about three different things, and there is only one to be extended (3). You may be good at brainstorming for ideas, but to develop and extend them is the thing that matters. For example, you can say why the point (1) matters or talk about long-term benefit of point (2).  
  
Another thing, why could you say "books can also enhance focused attention" - there is no support or explanation, so the point is unclear. Remember, examiners are not expected to guess what you're writing, so pls improve your clarity of your sentences.  
  
That's the writing style I was taught, so feel free to discuss if you disagree.
## human life expectancy and medical science

  
  
The recent upsurge of medical science and modern technology, which are exemplifications of the era of prosperous society, has ameliorated human life expectancy rapidly. From my own perspective, I would argue that this is a positive development overall.  
  
The one most obvious reason is ageing process in decline. Because of useful technological utilization, scientists have discovered a wave of global drug and chemical innovation such as vaccines, antibiotics, etc to alleviate hazardous diseases of mankind. 21th's century is a "biological industry", so many of these treatments, remedies and medical machinery were invented to ameliorate human health. Aside from that, the cost of the medical products are cheap and seemingly friendly with users. Thus, medical and public health technology are spread to all, including poorer countries. In addition, It also changed the international value of health which practically became a "right," upgraded from mere "desirable."And last but not least, medical analysis can comprehensively evaluate your health level by electronic devices.Therefore; almost all people have a well-balanced diet and exercise regularly, which is suitable for ages.  
  
In a nutshell, medical science and modern technology enhance social medicine "prevention is better than cure"; support to each person manage individual life easily, including both mental and physical health. Therefore, It is an elixir of contribution to the quality of life to be balanced and healthier, slowing down the ageing process.
I would argue that this is a positive development overall.  
You did not properly respond to the discussion instruction which is: To what extent do you agree or disagree? Your TA score will be based on an incorrect response format. You disregarded the original instruction, opting instead to use a comparative response that does not provide an extent response. a prompt deviation is enough for you to get a failing score. But, this is not the main reason your essay will fail.  
  
The minimum word count is 250 words. The current presentation only has 226 words. You came in with a completed essay short by 24 words. Proper penalty deductions for the - 24 words will be applied even before your work is scored per scoring rubic. So, between the word count shortage and prompt deviation, this essay is already bound to get a failing score.
Hi! I'm trying to write essays at my best so it will be exceedingly wonderful if there are scores of feedbacks that can help me improve my writing skills  
  
Many thanksssss  
  
## contamination of marine habitats

  
  
**Pollution of rivers, lakes and seas is a major concern for people who seek to protect the environment. What are the possible causes of water pollution, and what effects does this have on animal life and human society?**  
  
It is indisputable that the alarming contamination of marine habitats has invariably been the utmost concern for citizens being hungry for strategies buffering against ecological surroundings. This essay attempts to dissect the root and the ramifications of the aforementioned downward spiral.  
  
To commence with, a close inspection of the cause for aquatic deterioration reveals the industrialized process as the culprit. With the advent of rapidly evolving industrialization, the extent of polluted environs is much more pernicious, especially in mega metropolises, where scores of the mechanical quarters are mushrooming. Those plants nonchalantly dispose of excessive toxic waste into maritime areas, ultimately becoming pollutants stagnating in water resources.  
  
Apart from its palpably held fast-paced industrial edges, the inhabitants' negligence is another driving force behind ecological degradation. By virtue of modern-day advances, a host of non-biodegradable products are manufactured every day to satisfy humanity's using demands. In light of this, the bulk of imprudent juveniles insouciantly throw plastic trash into coastal areas, piling up garbage and impairing natural homes to a mass of breeds.  
  
Marine pollution is unequivocally detrimental to several aspects. For one, it would act as a catalyst to water scarcity, which may lead to diseases relating to diarrhea. In other words, human beings are prone to undergoing an area of using contaminated water unless formulating methods to tackle the situation. On top of that, exotic substances like plastic bags in aquatic habitats conspicuously trigger a plethora of death species by courtesy of their incapability to digest food.  
  
In conclusion, tracing the origin of water pollution reveals the industrial process and residents' ignorance as to the determinants. Moreover, this circumstance would take a heavy toll on both human and marine lives.  
  
Please let me know how much can I get from IELTS writing?
Your introductory paragraph is a rambling mess of big words and run on sentences that takes too long to paraphrase the original presentation. You also did not respond to the questions in a clearly outlined topic discussion. You are targeting a high LR score right off the bat for some reason. Over emphasizing a discussion with dramatic flair will not be useful to your overall score when you are scored on your ability to use simple, everyday English words. Keep it simple. Use relevant conversational words. There is no room for dramatics like these in a task 2 essay. Don't aim to write a masters thesis at this point. You are not at that level yet. Don't orate, discuss without being pompous.  
  
This is a 4 paragraph essay outlined as:  
  
Par. 1 : Paraphrase + question responses / thesis statement  
Par. 2 : Respond/ explaination regarding the question : What are the possible causes of water pollution  
Par. 3 : Discuss what effects does this have on animal life and human society?  
Par. 4 : Summarize the important discussion points previously presented / Repeat your opinion (when required in the original discussion instruction)  
  
Your presentation is impossible to complete within 40 minutes. The required number of discussion paragraphs are indicated in the original prompt. The above outline shows the standard format. The 5 paragraph format is only used when you are instructed to: Discuss both points of view and discuss / give your opinion.  
  
Due to the circumstances surrounding the errors in this presentation, I would rather not consider if this essay will pass or fail. I'll consider that next time, when you write a more appropriate essay, properly based on the given discussion instructions.
## the abolition of tuition fees

  
  
Whether should the government abolish tuition fees remains controversial. While some people argue that this could result in a thriving society, others claim that tuition waiver can put a strain on the economy. In my opinion, I partly advocate the decision to pursue college without fee.  
  
There are many compelling reasons why students should be allowed to waive tuition. On the individual level, tuition waivers provide students a number of advantages. Students can easily get access to higher education. And as a result, especially the underprivileged will stand a better chance of landing on a steady job and bettering their living condition. However, the abolition of university tuition may have a negative impact on student's academic performance. As today most undergraduates have to pay for their education, they are bound to study harder and apply themselves to getting good grades. Therefore, were this financial pressure to be dispensed with, students can be indifferent to their study and lose their motivation to work hard. Due to their thought that failing an exam doesn't cost them anything.  
  
On the other hand, the provision of free-of-charge education may exert positive effect on a country's economy. A surge in the gross enrollment rate, prompted by a free-college policy, would trigger a more educated workforce, which results in a thriving society. Let's take Singapore as a telling example. Thanks to their heavy investment in education, they now have the most skillful working labours. And as a result, Singapore has become one of the most developed countries in the world.  
  
In conclusion, while the potential benefits of university tuition waiver make it seem like a good idea, I believe that the government should not make it free for everyone.
Your second paragraph should be used to disprove the preceding reasoning paragraph. When you partly agree with the reasoning, you may use a comparative discussion format. However the comparison must be based on the same reasons presented in the first paragraph. Otherwise, you risk losing the cohesiveness of the discussion, thus, affecting your c + c score. Remember, the first C in the score represents cohesiveness or connectivity of discussion points. There are already 2 cohesive discussion topics that prove your partial agreement in the first reasoning paragraph . Let me reference it for you:  
  
Reason 1: Students can easily get access to higher education. ...their living condition.  
Reason 2 : However, the abolition of university tuition may have a negative impact on student's academic performance.  
  
Both reasons serve as partial agreement, in a comparative manner, based on the reason *of landing on a steady job and bettering their living condition.* These 2 reasons can properly, clearly, cohesively, and coherently prove your discussion without the second disconnected paragraph.
## driving test success rate in an Asian country

  
  
The chart shows the percentage of women and men in one Asian country who passed when they took their driving test between 1980 and 2010.  
  
The bar chart illustrates the proportions of males and females passing their driving test for a 30-year period.  
It is clear that there was a significant increase in the figures for both men and women through four certain periods. However, the percentages of women passing their driving test were much higher than those of men.  
  
Regarding women, the proportions of passing their driving reached its peak in 2000, at nearly 70%, compared to 1980, the lowest figure was nearly 50%. Nevertheless, there was a considerable decrease in the rate of women passing their test in 2010, at 65%.  
  
In terms of men, it can be seen that men had much lower percentages of passing their test in comparison with women. In 1980, the figures for men were one-and-a-half less than those of women, at around 30%. There was an equal proportion of men passing their test between 2000 and 2010, with each of them adding up approximately 50%.  
  
*
In the summary overview, the image divisions need to be clearer. A reference to the number of columns representing the years, separated by gender would have made the image reference clearer to the reader. That is because of the actual presentation format you were given to analyze. So the reference point would have been:  
  
*The singular, lengthwise bar chart results are divided into 2 genders, male and female, offering measurements representing 4 decades of results starting from... and ending in...for each sex.*  
  
Or, something along those lines.  
  
their driving  
... driving test.  
Always refer to the exam. Otherwise, you are just referring to the act of driving. That confuses the meaning of the sentence in terms of CRA considerations.  
  
Except for these errors, you've done an acceptable job here. It can pass the test.
## Bullying is a big problem in many schools.

  
***What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?***  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.[/B]  
  
Bullying undeniable is one of the most pressing issues in many educational institutions. This essay aims to clarify parents' ignorance and environmental factor as the main causes associated with this problem and propose education as possible solutions to avoid them.  
  
Bullying lies within a wide range of ages from elementary schools to university, causing both physical and mental injuries. One motive which is frequently cited as a major cause is the ignorance of parents or families. Children require love as an education in order to develop sympathy and benevolence; otherwise, they will be destitute of feelings and goodwill toward their schoolmates. Children are prone to violent, genocidal TV shows, movies spreading uncontrollably through numerous internet platforms due to a lack of parents' care. The surrounding environment also makes profound impacts on the manners of juveniles. This point is aptly illustrated by teenagers raised in slums are inclined to bullying, whereas those reared in a friendly neighborhood are likely to do the opposite.  
  
This issue needs concrete actions from adults. Education at a young age is paramount of importance in order to shape their personality and behaviors. Children nurtured by adequate love and care from families develop compassion for others, regardless of race, appearance, or identity. Students who have bullied in the past should be strictly monitored by schools and adults. It is critical that they engage in psychological activities to be understood and applied behavioral approaches, methods to their current states accordingly. More emphasis should also be placed on what content that exposed to them daily preventing the approach of murderous and inhumane information that comes into many types.  
  
Bullying is a major problem with a variety of underlying causes. This problem, however, can be addressed and avoided with the help and support of adults, particularly parents.