dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## late parents

  
  
**More people decided to have children in their later age than in the past. Why? Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?**  
  
It is argued that a decision to put off the eagerness of having children is extremly common today. Although humans can be focused on career and found the ease of organizing the time, non-productive age for women (approximately over 40) will be affected the female's reproduction later outweigh any drawbacks.  
  
It is true that people will be more concerned in working if they decide to delay owning a child. Moreover, they will obtain a convenience in arrange the time schedule, plan the quality time for themselves, and come together with friends or family. To illustrate, individuals have to prepare much money to take care of their kids. Therefore, they must be deliberated how to set aside some money for children's school and health. Besides, parents should be considered about the time sharing as long as kids need more attention and affection from them.  
  
On the other hand, researchers have reported that the ideal age to gain a baby is between 20 and 30 years old because the women's reproduction can be worked optimally. Consequently, some research said that many people have to encounter the reproduction problems at the age above 40. According to this, the opportunity to continuing the descent more available from 20 to 30 years old compared to the age over 30. In consequence, people should be contemplated to not postponing having a child in order to avoid the reproduction matter.  
  
To conclude, despite humans can be concentrated on their job, the issue of health reproduction should be esteemed.
Annatha, this essay will get an automatic failing score because you have not written the minimum 250 words for the Task 2 test. It is a ground rule that the student must write more than 250 words to ensure that the essay will be scored on all 4 scoring levels. Remember, writing less than the required number of words will find you receiving a score penalty based on the lacking word count. Since the task will be considered incomplete, it will affect the remaining scores for the remaining criteria.  
  
Why can't the remaining criteria allow you pass the test? Since there will also be errors in the essay based on your word usage, clarity problems, and GRA structures, each penalty will result in an increasing lower overall score for you. The highest you might possibly get is a 5, but with the missing word count, that is not an assurance.  
  
Therefore, it is best to always write at least 260 words, just to make sure that you meet the word requirement. If you make sure to write 5 sentences per paragraph, you can be sure that you have at least met the 250 word requirement.
The problem related to word count has already mentioned above so I won't discuss further. There are other problems that I think you essay has. Firstly, it seems to me that you didn't satisfy all the requirements of the topic. Based on the topic, you need to have two separated paragraphs, one for the reasons why people delay having child and one for your opinion toward the question whether the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. Make sure that you write a correct and simple opening statement for each body paragraph. This will act as "an umbrella" for the entire of paragraph.  
  
Another point to consider is that the grammar range that you used in your essay. Most of your sentences are written to complicated and therefore, they are hard to be fully understood. In IELTS, you do not need to write so much complicated sentences in order to gain score in GRA. Instead, you should write in a simple way. This will help you not only avoid grammar mistakes but also improve your coherence and cohesion.
**Some cities have vehicle-free days, when private cars, trucks, motorcycles are banned in the city center. Public transportations like buses, taxis and metros are advised. To what extent do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.**  
  
## prohibition of private cars in a strict urban center

  
  
Vehicle-free days on which private vehicles are not allowed and public transport modes are suggested in the urban center are now observed in many cities around the world. From my point of view, this practice brings more benefits than drawbacks.  
  
Undoubtedly, private cars in many cases offer greater convenience compared to taking bus. While public transportation is limited with particular available time and routes, its private counterpart allows people to go wherever and whenever they want with no restrictions. Having a personal vehicle also means saving time waiting for the next bus or train to come and for other people to get off at their stops. Some high profile individuals such as busy executives, directors and agents may not welcome the challenges of using the subway because they rely on cars for their own security as well as that of valuable equipment they carry to meetings.  
  
Nevertheless, the benefits of a car-free day to the greater society is a day with less traffic congestion, a greener environment and improved security. Car prohibition helps reduce congestion which will enable public transport to move faster between stops. It also means that citizens' and their property's safety will increase due to roads not being overcrowded. Furthermore, if more buses and trains being used instead of private cars, which means a lot of people ride in the same vehicle, the carbon emissions per head will be largely reduced. Therefore, the air quality will improve significantly, not to mention decreased gasoline demand.  
  
Some people may think just a single odd day doesn't make much difference, then another important consideration is a change in mindset that vehicle-free days could bring about. Since using public transportation not only is much cheaper and safer but also gives travelers free time during their commute, going through a day without a car will be a real-life demonstration to prove that cars aren't always necessary. By breaking the habit of reliance on private cars people would become more open and receptive to new ways of moving around.  
  
In conclusion, although the prohibition of private cars may initially be seen as inconvenience and prompt a negative reaction, for the reasons of many benefits to human beings in a long term, it seems necessary to promote vehicle-free days.
Huyen, believe me when I tell you that this essay is extremely long for a Task 2 test. If you use a timer, you will see that you cannot accomplish more than 275-300 words within the allotted time frame, without losing valuable time for editing. You are also creating an unnecessary amount of run on sentences in your paragraphs, which created this extra long, but necessarily well written essay. There are several problems in your presentation that can affect your final score.  
  
The use of contractions such as "don't" are not allowed in academic writing. In order to show your knowledge of sentence structure and English grammar rules, use the formal presentation words such as "does not". The same goes for "aren't" which should be "are not".  
  
Now, the essay asks the question "To what extent..." Therefore, you cannot simply say "From my point of view..." Rather, the correct response, which requires a degree of measurement is "I fully support the idea that this practice has more positive contributions than negative". Remember to use paraphrasing all the way with synonym usage a big part of your LR and TA scoring.  
  
This is only a 4 paragraph essay that should be presented solely from your point of view based on a single opinion / comparison discussion. The "some people" discussion is out of place since this is not a 5 paragraph dual point of view with personal opinion essay.
Hi. Your essay is well-written with clear reasons and sentences. As the Contributor said, I want to emphasize for you the importance of writing "short but sweet", as your essay is too long. If I were you I would not write the second paragraph, instead, I would directly jump into explaining why the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, which are your 3rd and 4th paragraph. Also, I am puzzled of what you were trying to articulate here in the topic sentence: "Some people may ... days could bring about". I would write:" *Some people may doubt the accuracy of the odd-even rationing, so there should be a change in the mindset of the public to the greater benefits of this method could bring about.*  
  
Some minor mistakes:  
... lot of people ~~ride~~ commute in ...  
air quality will beimproved significantly  
  
Hope my small advice can help you with your writing.
## Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

  
***The government should require all young adults to perform some kind of national service, such as military service or social work.***  
  
It is often said that all young adults must be required to go to the military service or volunteering to do some social works for their community; however, the issue is not entirely straightforward, and arguments can also be made against the idea. This essay will discuss the debate and give a concluding view.  
  
On one hand, those who supports that all youth should serve in the national army or being part of the social work for their society, cite the various benefits. These are range from the physical building for their bodies to the strength relationship between them and their country. First, the military service could help young people to have a healthy life and stay fit because there is a special routine for their daily lives and the specific diet for their nutrition. Furthermore, any community seeks the help from its citizens, and best way to prove your belong to your community is by helping as a volunteer in a library, a senior life facility, a community pantry food, etc.  
  
By contrast, the opponent of this view point is even not possible. Examples can be seen in the United States, where the freedom is part of the daily base life for people as first amendment of the American constitution. The american government can not ask all youth people to go to the military service or to being part of many social services because that would be against their freedom to choose their style life. People will be very anger because the officials are trying to steal their right to do whatever they want without any interfere or influence from others. This will create big clash between the two sides and will destroy country instead of built it.  
  
Overall, it is logical to conclude that decision to be part of the your national army or a builder for your community by the socials works, should be based on the right of the citizen to choose his life and what services he/ she can offer to his society, rather than just ask all young citizens to do the military service or do some social works for their community by working as volunteers in some community centers or social places.
Hi there, I have some opinion for your essay, I hope it helps.  
  
1/ Grammar:  
You might want to have a look carefully at your grammar mistakes; I have some examples:  
- You may want to change to You~~r~~ belong, the word "belong" itself is a Verb, and it needs a Subject.  
- There are a few miswritten words: viewpoint, we don't need a space between it.  
- ~~anger~~ => angry, and Adj follows "Be" will be more suitable.  
-"Instead of building it => after instead of, we need a V-ing.  
And so on.  
2/ The content of the essay:  
I don't think you answered directly to the prompt. Your second sentence, "however, the issue is ... against the idea" confused me because I don't know what your answer is, agree or disagree to the question? So I think your essay is off the topic and didn't respond well to the prompt.
Sara, this essay will automatically receive a failing score due to its inability to respond to the prompt requirements. You are being asked to defend one opinion only. This is because the questions asks whether you agree or disagree with the statement provided. Therefore, the corresponding reasoning paragraphs must only contain the defense and supporting reasons for your opinion. In your prompt restatement, you only provided the central discussion point but did not offer a personal opinion. Hence your failure to properly address the task. Once you show that you did not understand the task requirement, you will receive the lowest possible score for that the TA section of the test, which is more than half the grade requirement to pass this test. Therefore, the total error in the discussion presentation, along with other failures on your part on the GRA, LR, as well as C&C score will result in a total failure of this essay when it comes to an actual test setting.
## to be fit or to have health issues?

  
  
*These days, too many people maintain their health by relying on doctors and medicine, rather than by following a healthy lifestyle.  
To what extent do you agree with this statement?  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.*  
  
In this era, only minority people follow a healthy lifestyle in order to keep their body fit while most of them more rely on the doctor persuaded and medicine. This Essay agrees with this statement.  
  
Most of people prefer making consultation to the doctor and consuming vitamin, supplement and herbal medicine to maintain their health instead of following a healthy behavior. They think this is the simple way to keep in fit in the busy daily. They tend to believe that they do not have more time to do exercise or cook the healthy food. For example, a recent Harvard University study, in 2013, found that 59% of employees in London have personal consultation to their doctor about their health. Those consultations encourage them often to take a vitamin or supplement in order to keep their physical performance in workplace. 50% of them believe that by taking this medicine they feel fresh even though without doing sport. Again, they feel free to consume junk food.  
  
Another case happen in smokers, most of people who suffer from particular illness because of smoking prefer to take a medicine rather than change their behavior. For instance, based on the research of Indonesia University, in 2004, 65% of Indonesian Smoker suffer from hearth attack, 80% of them should check up every month to the hospital. Surprisingly, they do not stop to smoke and hard to leave their behavior. If they cannot move on from smoking they will be more risky to attack particular illness.  
  
In conclusion, today, more people coming to doctor and taking medicine to keep their healthy and only a few of them do a healthy behavior. This is proven by the evidence in the field that a lot of people choose come to the hospital to check up.
**TOPIC: what can be done to encourage young people to become responsible members of society?**  
  
This is my essay  
  
## Teaching kids responsible behaviors

  
  
Responsibility is one of the most necessary personalities of each person. The common question is 'how to encourage young people to become responsible members of society'. The responsibility of young people is a popular term that we have to care about. In my personal opinion, I have three solutions to solve that issue.  
  
The contribution of both teachers and parents can help young people become better at having responsible behaviors. It means that they will let young people make decisions about which behaviors are acceptable/which is acceptable behavior. In schools, teachers could draw up a contract with the children in the class. It needs to be revised periodically. Doing this way would discourage children from using misbehaviors as a means of expressing their independence.  
  
When young people fail in their life, instead of finding solutions for them, parents and teachers should guide, support or give them advice so that they can come over the failure by themselves. It is time for young people to learn to take on responsibility on their own.  
  
Secondly, young people should be taught leadership skills by joining organizations such as the Scouts. It provides opportunities for trying being a leader to have better understandings of the difficulties involved. This could encourage them to cooperate more easily with authority figures and have responsibility for what they have decided. As a result, they would become a real leader who would significantly contribute to the country's development.  
  
One measure that governments should take is to issue laws on military obligations for eighteen-year-old citizens. This duty would let them be aware that they are the generations who would take on the burdens of preserving the country's border.  
  
In conclusion, both families and society wish their nation to be full of responsible residents. Although it takes us quite a long time, those approaches mentioned above would be helpful to make the dream come true.
Chin, for starters, it would be best if you learn how to paraphrase the original prompt rather than simply placing the full prompt in quotation marks. If you prove that you can restate the prompt in your own words, then you can prove that you have applicable English comprehension skills and enough of a vocabulary to allow yourself to express ideas in different ways.  
  
Now the overall problem that I see with this essay is that you are not offering ways by which adolescent and young adults can be enticed to become young members of society. Instead, you are telling the reader who the people responsible for creating mature young people are. The essay is not about enumerating the responsibilities of parents and teachers when it comes to encouraging responsible behaviors. Rather, the essay is asking you to indicate how young people can be encouraged to responsibly participate in society.  
  
The methods why which the youngsters can be encouraged could be anywhere from encouraging them to make their own decisions and guiding them towards the right decision, allowing adolescents to learn from their mistakes, etc. Through these actions, a young adult is made to analyze his decisions and its aftermath, be it good or bad. In the process, they learn to become responsible members of society.  
  
Before you write an essay, analyze the requirements first. Make sure you understand what is required of your discussion and present it accordingly. If you are enrolled in a class, then ask the teacher questions. If you are studying alone, then look at how the essay has been written by others online before you write your own response. That way you have a better idea of what to present and also, gain valuable writing advice based on the lessons of others for application in your own. That will result in a better written essay on your part.
**Topic: The issue of gay marriage remains controversial. Some people think that this trend has adverse effects on the society while others believe that it is seen as a natural trend and right for people to choose this type of marriage. Should gay marriage be legal?**  
  
## gay marriage causes a controversy among people

  
  
The topic of whether two people who have the same gender can be married arises a contentious debate among the public. Some people opine this tendency will result in a negative impact on the society whereas others claim that people should have the rights to choose their partner regardless of sex. In my opinion, governments should allow gay marriage.  
  
There are several reasons why same-sex marriage should be available nowadays. First and foremost, this is the 21st century, which is known as an era of freedom. Therefore some social norms from the past can be irrelevant, such as there is only a romantic relationship between men and women, so people should not be too conservative about it. Secondly, legalizing homosexual marriage enables gay couples to live under one roof, so that they will be happier and they can be themselves without being someone else.  
  
Furthermore, there are more cons than pros when banning gay marriage. If an individual cannot love their lover because he or she has the same sexual-orientation, then they will be forced to marry another sex partner whom they do not enjoy. Consequentially, gay people have an unhappy life, and it can suffer them and their unloved partner afterward. Another problem is that when homosexual marriage has not been officially recognized, gay people are still continued to be judged critically by the public. This act can lead gay people to depression and other mental issues, and even in the worst scenarios, they will choose death as a way to escape for themselves.  
  
In conclusion, gay marriage causes a controversy among people these days. However, the act of legalizing identical sex marriage should be encouraged by the governments for wider benefits.
Your arguments are well supported and answer the question clearly. I would just make a couple edits.  
  
1. "... from the past may be irrelevant. For example, ... can only be a romantic relationship between a man and a woman. . . "  
  
2. "... will be happier and not have to pretend to be someone else"  
  
3. "and it can suffer them ..." -> "and it can make them and their unloved partner suffer later."  
4. "gay people are still ..." -> "gay people continue to be judged  
5. "This act can cause gay people to have depression. . ."  
6. "... as a way to escape ~~for themselves~~."  
  
Hope this helps!
## should dangerous sports be prohibited?

  
  
People have many views about whether dangerous sports should be prohibited by the authority. While some argue that it is necessary to have a ban on sports that are risky, I believe that individuals should be the right to choose whatever they enjoy.  
  
There are two primitive reasons for the forbidding on risk sports. First and foremost, they are harmful to their participants' survival. This is because the players might face death if they encounter obstacles makes their physical health have serious problems such as broken legs or arms. Car racing is a good case in point. Those who join this game are likely to have accidents, which could lead them to disabled status. Secondly, there are other various healthy sports and less risky for the public to take part in such as volleyball, badminton and so on. Such activities not only help keep people in shape but also bring a lot of fun.  
  
People are free to select which activities make them feel happy. The first reason is that sports bringing people strong feeling tend to attract almost people to join as a result of their challenging aspect. The individuals prefer experiencing surprising things in life such as flying in the sky or diving under the sea. For example, fly sport is a kind of enchanting activities bring people the best feeling when they can fly in the sky like birds. Such a game that only courageous people dare to do. Another reason is that people will feel unfair when their favourite sports prohibited. If different leisure activities like swimming, cycling are encouraged everyone people to join, it is meaningless to have a ban on dangerous sports. Many people tend to favour a kind of risk sports over safe ones. If this sort of sport is forbidden, they will feel upset and stressed, which lead detrimental to citizen's joyfulness. A recent study concluded that there was 90 per cent of people having to face the depressed emotion when not being allowed to take part in the dangerous sports they have the passion for.  
  
In conclusion, while others believe that sports that are detrimental to human beings' health should be censored by the government, I argue that it is gorgeous to allow people to do whatever they prefer.