dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
After analyzing your essay based upon the writing task 1 scoring band, I have come to the decision that the possible final score you can get for this type of writing in an actual test cannot be higher than a 5. While you managed to deliver the information that the report requires, you faced problems when it came to developing clear explanations in the later sentences. There was a redundancy in the use of the word "serial" and, there was no clear explanation as to how the word relates to the graph that you were trying to explain. This caused some difficulty for me as a reader. You should build up your ability to use various words that can be used in place of a single word. These are called synonyms. The use of these words can very well help increase your score in the future practice tests. Mostly because the use of synonyms proves that you have an adequate, if not intermediate knowledge of English words.
Hello Anna, kindly check my suggestion below :)  
  
Four years later, using road was a slight increase in almost 80 million tonnes.  
Four years later, using road was a slight increased in almost 80 million tonnes.  
  
Road was a dramatic incline from 80 to almost 100 million tonnes  
Road was a dramatic inclined from 80 to almost 100 million tonnes  
  
Becareful with your tenses :)
**Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
What other measures do you think might be effective?**  
  
It is assumed by raising the price of petrol would result in solving the growing issue of emission and traffic. In this case, I would argue that although petrol price is increased, it would not lead to tackling these problems. Instead, it would cause other problems such as the increasing cost of staple food and other public transportation. Other solutions, such as introducing the law to use public transportations and stopping illegal logging, should be taken into consideration.  
  
Those who believe by increasing the price of petrol would terminate the problem of pollution and traffic are because they thought there would be a decrease in the use of private cars due to high price of fuel. If the fuel price is higher, then people do not want to use their cars and use public transportation instead.  
  
In fact, an increase in petrol price will bring domino effects to other sectors, such as public transportation and the price of staple food in market. Taking Indonesia as an example, there was a raise in fuel in 2008, and it was followed by the increasing price of chili, onion, and meat in traditional market. In addition, the price of tickets for using public transportation also went up and people kept driving their cars on roads so that traffic and pollution issues still happen nowadays.  
  
The examples that have been mentioned are tangible proof that increasing the price of petrol is not the best solution and other measures are needed. I believe in order to prevent emission and traffic problems, promoting the law to use public transportation and ceasing illegal logging problems will solve these issues. This is because if government changes the law, many people will switch to use public transportation instead of their private cars. The reinforcement law in illegal logging also makes illegal loggers think twice if they want to cut down the trees so that traffic and pollution issues can be handled.  
  
To sum up, a raise in petrol will not solve the growing problem of traffic and pollution. In fact, it only creates new problems, so that other measures such as promoting law to use public transportation and stopping illegal logging would be more effective.
Hi Miftah, you could possibly score a 6 on the scoring band with this essay. As I read the essay, I came to realize that you not only understood the prompt provided, but you also bothered to analyze the question in reference to possible solutions that you could provide. Therefore, it became evident that the person writing the essay has a somewhat advanced knowledge of the language. The person also has the ability to develop cohesive sentences, even though there may be problems with his word choices throughout the essay. These mistakes do not impede the discussion that you are presenting. Therefore, you have a very good chance of passing this particular section of the IELTS test. Try to focus more on developing your English vocabulary and practice developing simple sentences for your use in the practice tests. We need to show that your language use can increase to a point where you can score even higher in the practice tests which can translate to a higher rating in the actual test.
***In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.***  
  
Normally, many young people continue their study after graduate from high school. However, in some regions in the world before graduate students go to university, they are urged to work and travel for a year. This idea has some advantages and disadvantages and this essay will discuss the notion.  
  
Young people who have job after graduate from high school will learn how to manage their time better than before. Because we all know, that work world has certain regulation that has to be followed by employees. They will get some advantages like experiences itself and time management ability than ordinary university students. For instance, young people who have worked as sales will know more how to count marketing results and its profit. Their knowledge about marketing is also more than others' knowledge. They will be fast to understand because they have experienced it. Moreover, if they work in other city, it will train them to be independent people who can manage their life without depending on their parents.  
  
However, some disadvantages will be experienced by graduate student when they postpone their study at university like when they getting convenience work will make them to think again to continue their study after a year work experience. Taking an example in my friend, she has worked after she finished her study at high school. Her job brings a high salary above standard of UMR, but her mother wants her has a university degree. Nevertheless, my friend do not want to continue her study since she thinks that she has been lucky working at good and convenience job, while after university it will end to find job again. She also thinks that her university friends have young age than hers, which it is not comfortable for her. So, it will be one reason to do not to continue their study at university.  
  
To sum up, it is good for young people to work before going to university to enrich their skill and experience. However, convenience job sometimes maintain graduate high school students to continue working then study at university. 346w
Nur, your line of reasoning in this essay is choppy. There are inconsistencies in your flow of thought and you often times do not get your message across to the reader. These problems are due to your lack of ability in terms of developing your sentences. Your grammar is weak and your sentences are limited to simple declarations which make for limited sentence structure. While your message eventually gets across to the reader, it takes the full concentration of the reader to actually begin to understand your meaning.  
  
I am not sure if you were informed by your instructor but when developing these sorts of essay discussions, it is best to discuss one topic per paragraph in order to fully develop your support or opposition to a provided reason. In your second paragraph, you presented two reasons, which left the latter reason under developed because you ran out of space to expand upon it. As such, your line of reasoning was affected because you seemed to not have enough evidence to support the later addition in the paragraph. Had you given that line its own paragraph concentration, you would have been able to develop the reasons to support the statement better.  
  
Your conclusion also requires more information that what you presented. An effective conclusion properly summarizes the discussion and its important points, before presenting the concluding statement. Over all, a total of 3 sentences should be seen in that section.
***Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think might be effective?***  
  
Nowadays, there are many people that are already have vehicles because of its low prices and credit payment method that often offered. As a result of that, many traffic congestions occur almost every day especially in some metropolitan city. Moreover, cars and motorcycles also produce harmful smoke that create greenhouse gases effect even human respiration system disease. To solve that, some people say that the best way is by boosting the fare. However, in my opinion I totally disagree about that, because there are others indicators that more influenced.  
  
In the recent years, fossil fuel had already become one of human primary need. It is proven by data from Statistical Center Department, Indonesia shows that almost 75 percent of Indonesia's inhabitants have their own both four-wheel and two-wheel drive. So, we can conclude that the role of public and private transportation today is extremely important for doing many daily activities. In the past, Indonesia had an experience when the officials decided to raise the oil price, and it made many resident protest, demonstrated, and finally government reduced it until back to the normal price. With that kind of the accident in the past, it can be seen that increasing petrol price will bring many drawbacks and it does not have any effect for reducing traffic crowded and pollution problem.  
  
So, I think there are two solutions that will be fix that difficulties. First, to solve street crowd, administration should provide and upgrade the public transportation to be more convenient. For instance, in many developed countries, they usually have comfortable transportation system that can effectively decrease the traffic problems. Second, to conquer pollution, government must be doing conversion energy project seriously. For example, in my country, it already invented many kind of electricity motor and cars, but it unsupported by facilities such as electric station, massive production, even the project finally ended up with unknown reason. Society also can convert their fuel from solar and premium into pertamax, even though more expensive but has smaller number of octant that produce less-pollutant gas.  
  
To sum up, the rising price of fossil fuels will not bring any effect to traffic congestion and global warming, because that oil already become people's daily needs. So, public transport and energy conversion are more reasonable compared with the previous solution.
I have some suggestions:  
  
... already become one ofhuman humans' primary needs.  
  
your essay is too long. you have to write from 250 to 275 word because there is a time limitation.you cam follow ...  
  
introduction -- 60 words  
  
1st body -- 85 words  
  
2nd -- 85 words  
  
conclusion --45 words  
  
your writing is really good.
***The graph above shows the quantities of goods transported in the UK between 1974 and 2002 by four different modes of transport.***  
  
Proportion of the quantity of goods transported (unit in million tonnes) in British between 1974 and 2002 based on four difference method is provided by the line graph. Overall, it can be seen that road was the popular method which was used to transfer the goods during 28 years while pipeline shows the lowest proportion in that period.  
  
Proportion all of these modes stood at the difference points in 1997. The next year, the number of rail and pipeline steadied in previous point while both of road and water modes increased slightly in just under 80 and about 40 respectively. After getting same number in 1978, water and rail showed the difference trends between 1978 and 1986.  
  
However, during 1986 and after 1990, three of these methods ,except road, stuck at their previous point. Meanwhile, after that years, road illustrated upward trend and peaked at about 100 in 2002. Whereas, water showed higher proportion than rail in 2002, and the last four year, pipeline steadied in over 20.  
  
*
***In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.***  
  
Some people say that young people have to extent for a year to job or travel before they take course in the university. However, these matters are useful for their experiences. There are many advantages and disadvantages for both, so it still become controversial.  
  
There are many benefits for work and travel before study, such as enrich experience, capability that useful to facing the world. For example, a student who has a dream to be humanist. He or she have to increase her or his knowledge, such as explore places that he or she haven't visited to learn about culture, custom or behaviuor. So, he or she can more mature to think or communicate, so it can help he or she to extent to the university.  
  
On the other hand, there are some disadvantages from work and travel before study in the higher education, such as they who didn't have mush money, they will hard to travel, it is because, not only difficult in budget, but also can make they to notice a bad bahaviour, if they there in bad environment for instance, they can know unpleasant habit like smoking. So, it is very harmful for the young people, especially for their future.  
  
There are benefits and disadvantages of work and travel before young people study in the university. Both of them also are influence their personality and their future, but it is depend on their respect. (237w)
**In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.  
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.**  
  
When high school student graduated from school, most of them encouraged to postpone their studies and decided to work or travel. Taking this decision actually has many advantages and disadvantages not only for the students but also their parents. I believe that the disadvantages of postponing a year to study at university are outweigh its advantages.  
  
Most people who graduated from high school are less of experience. They are too young to get to work or travel alone. In addition, knowledge which got in school is not enough for them to get a job. For instance, a movie which was titled 'LOL' played by Miley Cyrus. She was 18 years old when she graduated from high school, she worked and travelled a lot with her friends. To shorten the stories, she finally did not want to go to university because of the convenience whereas she just wanted to postpone a half year in the beginning. As a result, young adults in that ages are confusing and always changing minds. Parents are responsible for guiding their children and putting their children to university directly after graduated.  
  
In contrast, deciding to work or travel before entering the university has advantages such as children can get the new experience and refresh they mind after studied almost 12 years. For instance, my friends who joined in social backpacker community learned about the geography of Indonesia almost a year before he entered university. Because of his parents' approval, he could travel around while teaching in poverty areas. When he finished travelling, he could decide the major based on his experience a year before. It can be seen that experience can teach us to cover the future.  
  
To sum up, people have to consider the effect of deciding work or travel before continue studies in university. I suggest to ask parents before doing something because of at the age, children still need a guidance when planning something.
When high school studentS graduated from school, most of them ARE encouraged to postpone their studies ~~and~~ THEN decided to work or travel. ....*I believe that the disadvantages of postponing a year ~~to~~ BEFORE study at university are outweigh its advantages.***OVERALL , THIS IS A BRIEF AND EFFECTIVE INTRODUCTORY PARAGRAPH. HOWEVER, THE TASK IS ONLY TO DISCUSS THE PLAUSIBLE ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGED OF GAPPERS PHENOMENON, NOT WHETHER THE ADVANTAGE IS OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGE OR THE RESERVE. THUS, RATHER THAN MENTION ''OUTWEIGH'', IT IS BETTER TO DIRECTLY MENTION YOUR MAIN IDEA, THE ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES THAT YOU WANT TO DISCUSS IN YOUR BODY PARAGRAPH.**  
  
Most people (...) are less of experience. They are too young to get to work or travel alone. In addition, knowledge ...  
**NEED TO EMPHASIZE OR MAKE IT CLEAR THAT THIS PARAGRAPH IS ABOUT THE DEMERIT OF POSTPONING TO ENTER UNIVERSITY****THERE IS NO CLEAR OR RELEVANT MAIN IDEA HERE. YOU JUST GIVE AN EXAMPLE OF THE PHENOMENON, BUT NOT THE FINAL RESULT ON HOW BAD THIS DECISION TO BE TAKEN BY HIGH SCHOOL LEAVERS.**  
  
~~For instance,~~**THIS IS ILLUSTRATED ON** a movie which was titled ...  
... because of the convenience whereas AT THE FIRST she just wanted to postpone ...  
  
... get the new experience and refresh ~~they~~ THEIR mind after studied FOR almost 12 years. **.... NEED TO GIVE MORE SUPPORTING DETAILS OR EXPLANATION OF YOUR MAIN IDEA/STATEMENT BEFORE GIVING EXAMPLE. ..**..For instance, ....... to cover the future.  
  
**STILL NOT DEVELOPED IDEA ALTHOUGH YOU HAVE GIVEN RELEVANT MAIN IDEA HERE. YOU SHOULD DESCRIBE HOW THIS GAPPING EXPERIENCE BENEFITED THOSE WHO POSTPONED FIRST BEFORE STUDY AT THE THIRD EDUCATIONAL INSTITUTION.**  
  
... of deciding work or travel FOR A PARTICULAR LENGTH OF TIME before continue studies in university.*I suggest to ask parents before doing something because ...*POOR SUGGESTION. NEED TO GIVE THE GENERAL, OR COMMONLY TRUE ONE WITHOUT BEING SOUND TO GIVE NEW IDEAS IN CONCLUSION.
**The graph above shows the quantities of goods transported in the UK between 1974 and 2002 by four different modes of transport. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
The line graph compares the amount of four distinct types of transport that is used for goods transported in the UK from 1974 to 2002. As a general trend, it can be seen that each modes of transport reveals upward trends even though it had a stead rose and some fluctuation over those years.  
  
Look at the details, from the largest transportation mode which was taken by Road mode. There was a gradual rose in the number of transported. It was started at 70 million tonnes in 1974 and hit a high point at 100 million tonnes in 2002. The smallest was shown by Pipeline. It was started from under 10 million tonnes but increased gradually until reached peak at over 20 million tonnes in 1994 and then showed steady trend from 1994 to 2002.  
  
Water and rail transport stood at same point almost 40 million tonnes in the beginning of survey but it showed different trend for the following years. Water mode increased sharply in 1978 until reached 60 million tonnes, and then showed stable style in the next 12 years. In 1998, water transport rose and reaches over 60 million tonnes. Meanwhile for rail mode, there was a fluctuated trend from 1978 until dipped at almost 20 million tonnes then jumped to over 40 million tonnes in 2002.  
  
*   
*The quantities of goods transported in the UK between 1974 and 2002*
Nura, you have to ensure you properly rephrase the topic question.  
  
You could say " The chart illustrates the number of goods moved within the UK for over two decades by fours kinds of transport system."  
  
Note that the topic question is something that happened in the past, thus your tenses should reflect past events.  
  
Ensure that you comment on the most prominent features in the graph, as much as possible within the 150 word limit.  
  
I hope this helps.  
  
Good luck!
**In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.**  
  
Taking a holiday or get a job is become younger people choose after finish their study. They usually choose to explore or get travel to some places or make up a work for gain some experience before countinue their study. Both of them have drawbacks and merits, it depends on what priority that people have.  
  
Sometimes young people feel dilemma or confused about what major that they want to pick after graduation. In this time take a break for go travelling or find work is the best solution. For example, when they have a break, they can do some voluntary programs based on their predilection. By this way, they can realize what kind of major that they interest based on the relevent experienced which is gained. At the same time, it also can help our financially independet before taking course. Money that is earned by part-time job can help our profit which can be used for university necessary later. Some experience in work after finishing study can help us in university as well. When we got a exercise, we can relate it with our real life when we do our work.  
  
However, a break after graduation also have drawbacks. It will happen when people feel enjoyable with their work. Young people that can earn money by themself will feel comfortable with the status. They think, they can produce money, buy what they want even they do not need take university. It might make them continue doing the same job and would not never join university back. This is quite risky for developing countries, because their hope is in educated young generation that hopely could bring changes.  
  
All in all, take a gap after graduation have good and bad points as well. All of them hinge on priority that young people have at that time. It will better to take university after graduation, but take a rest also not a mistake.
Taking a holiday or get**ting** a job is become ~~younger people choose after finish their study~~*an option for students after finishing their study in senior high school*.  
  
... make up a work for ~~gain some experience before countinue~~*gaining some experiences before continuing* their study.  
  
In this time take a break for ~~go~~ travelling or ~~find~~*finding a* work is the best solution.  
... of major that they ~~interest~~*are interested in* based on the ~~relevent~~*relevant* experience~~d~~ which is gained.  
... help our financially independe**n**t before taking course.  
Some experience**s** in work**ing** after finishing study can ...  
  
... earn money by ~~themself~~*themselves*will feel comfortable ...  
..., buy what they want *and* even they do ...  
... the same job and~~they~~ would not never ...  
... in educated young generation that ~~hopely~~*hopefully* could bring changes.  
  
It will **be** better to take university (...) take a rest **is** also not a mistake.