dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## not many british students know different language than english

  
  
The pie charts give datas on the percentage of British students, who attended in a university of England, had ability to speak a foreign laguage , between 2000 and 2010.  
  
Overall, the proportion of students who only spoke English took the major. The scale of learners who knew German experienced the same in two years.  
  
Students speaking no other language made up 30% of the total in 2010, over the next ten years it climbed more than a third. Following this upward trend are those people who spoke a different or other languages , 15% for the former and one in ten for the letter.  
  
In 2000, Spanish was the second popular language amongst British student in a university, i.e 20%, and French took the third of 15%. Comparing to 2010, there was a decrease in the rates of poken Spanish and French, 10% for indiviuals. Another striking point is that, German spoken by British students remain constanly in 10%.  
  
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Nhi, when you compose your summary statement, make sure that you provide a complete overview for all the information in the essay. In this instance, you failed to include the types of languages that are going to be compared in the succeeding paragraphs. That is part of the all too important essay outline that needs to be presented to help the reader keep track of the forthcoming discussions. You must also learn to always present a paragraph in at least 3 sentences. Stand alone sentences composed of one line as you have in this essay do not qualify as a complete paragraph and will lower your overall score. The comparison discussions in this essay, which are an expected / mandatory part of the presentation is immensely weak because of the under developed paragraphs This also shows that you did not bother to analyze the pie charts in order to make comparisons where needed. Thus severely lowering your chances of getting a passing score with this essay.
## violence and crimes in the media

  
  
Controversy arises when governments manage violent information in mass media such as news, televisions and online videos. In my view, I believe that it is not the only responsibility for governments to combat the overwhelmingly violent content in media.  
  
Admittedly, being frequently exposed to media violence is the culprit of some juvenile delinquencies and therefore it should be limited by governments. Young people, as one of the most vulnerable groups, who cannot access proper school and parental education are not mature enough to control themselves, and this contributes to that they imitate violent behaviors on televisions and other media. Consequently, they are more likely to commit crimes such as robbery, burglar and even murder. In addition, excessive content of violence in public media arouses people's agressiveness, which makes them become desensitized to violent situations, it is very much possible that people view violence as commonplace and utilize it as an approach to deal conflicts in real world if movies and television programs are filled with violent scenes without any governments' restrictions.  
  
However, only with government intervention, it is not adequate to address the adverse effects brought about by the violence in media. It is a fact that those who are able to differentiate the virtual situations in video games and on televisions form reality still conduct some anti-social behaviors. This indicates that crimes have little to do with exposure to violence. Meanwhile, those violent elements acting as catalysts make the films instead of at the expense of the creation of social problems like crimes.  
  
In conclusion, the amount of violence in the media should be restricted by the government because it is linked to crimes and social issues and hopefully these can be mitigated through the cooperation with the education of young adults and the improvement of media organisations' ethics.
Binz, your discussion is acceptable but flawed to a certain extent. That is because you did not properly format your response to indicate the prompt requirement. For example, in the opening statement, the latter part should indicate something similar to the following phrase in order to properly represent the singular action on your part as required by the prompt:  
  
*I agree that the government...*  
  
By phrasing your sentence in that manner, you indicate a clear understanding of the prompt requirement and also increase your score possibility because you properly used the prompt keywords within your paragraph. Try to increase your opening statement to at least 3 sentences because that is the standard requirement for all exam paragraph style essays. Aim to write 5 sentence so that you can better represent your ease of use when it comes to the English language.  
  
Your essay deviated from the prompt requirement in the 3rd paragraph. Since you are arguing that the government should control violence in the media, this paragraph should have instead, had an inclusive statement that explained why the government should also be in control of the gaming media and not just televised and social media. Remember, you are being asked "to what extent" do you agree with this statement and saying that the government should control gaming media falls right within that discussion / category.  
  
Your concluding paragraph indicates new information instead of simply using the already existing information in summary form to close the essay. Do not repeat that mistake in your succeeding essays. The academic rule for any essay is that the writer cannot introduce new ideas in the concluding statement. That is because the concluding statement should end the essay instead of continue the discussion.
## the curriculum should focus on preparing to future jobs

  
  
Nowadays, schools still focus on traditional subjects more than modern subject. Many subjects can not meet the needs of the future jobs. I completely agree with the statement that school too much concentrate on traditional subjects which affect students in the modern working.  
  
To begin with, schools must be more flexible in the education because every student will choose and follow the different ways. So they need a different knowledge's source. For example: the technology development is becoming a vital part in modern society which demand a number of the skilled workforce. As the result, if students proficient in using computer or machine, they will achieve success in their career. Therefore, teaching too much traditional subjects for everyone is not a good method.  
  
In addition, the traditional subjects always learn a lot of theories than skills. That is the reason why many students feel boring when studying them, such as: history, literature or geography. But people can ignore them because all the subjects concern about culture and the society's problems. So the education systerm should be enhanced. Instead of researching lessons in class or books, we need to hold the meeting or game shows to exchange knowledge and skills between students. Moreover, schools have to add some soft skill subjects. Because the world is integrating and need to the people who flexibly adapt the difficult circumstances.  
  
In conclusion, the traditional subjects are still being concentrated too much. Schools should improve systerm so that students can acquire many new things and meet the needs in the world of work.
@Dunghoang Kindly provide the full original prompt requirement the next time you post your essay so that a more accurate and point by point review of your work can be done. At the moment, I am unsure if your approach to responding to the essay is correct due to the lack of instructions / prompt. Even without the prompt, I can see that there are a number of problems with this essay.  
  
You need to clarify which point of the educational stages (elementary, high school, college) is the focal point of the discussion. Do you believe that the traditional classes that are taught in college during the first 2 years, do not adequately prepare the student for his major classes in the third and final year of college? Or do you mean that all the schools should deviate from the traditional classes in favor of STEM high school studies in order to prepare them for college and the workplace? There needs to be more information attached to your essay that will show how familiar you are with the topic indicated. Your discussion is acceptable but weak. It needs to be strengthened in approach.
## advantages and disadvantages of study in a foreign country

  
  
In recent decades, studying overseas has become a growing trend for many reasons. Although the trend gives students life-transforming opportunities, there still exist many limitations.  
  
On the one hand, there are numerous advantages of studying overseas. First, living in a new country could allow students to explore new cultures. They can experience exotic foods, customs and atmospheres, which helps them to have a better understanding and appreciation of the nation's people and history. Second, studying overseas gives international students more career opportunities after finishing their study program. They return to their country with language skills and a great education, which is very attractive to employers.  
  
On the other hand, studying overseas is not without downsides. First, although international students could contact their family and friends by using video chat applications such as facetime and skype, they do experience loneliness at some stage. For example, there are always occasions when international students miss their family, especially during holidays such as Christmas and New year, as these are seasons of spending time with family and of sharing, caring and giving. Second, fees and living costs are popular financial troubles students have to cope with. The expenses of studying abroad tend to be higher than studying locally, and even if students budget well, they can run out of money.  
  
In conclusion, given the clear advantages studying overseas have, there are still disadvantages. Students should deliberate carefully the pros and cons of both sides before making the decision of whether or not they should study in a foreign country.
Do, your opening statement doesn't really provide an accurate depiction of the original prompt requirement. As an examiner, I would be looking for the following information in your work: (1) the original topic for discussion; (2) whether your personal opinion is required in the discussion (3) what the discussion outline is going to be. Compare the requirements for an effective opening statement and you will see that you are failing to respond to at least 2 of the requirements. Therefore, your opening statement will drag down the score for your essay.  
  
While I will not fault your acceptable discussions in paragraphs 2 and 3, you could have made these paragraphs stronger by opting to discuss and develop only one reason instead of presenting a number of reasons whose justification became limited within the paragraph. It is important to focus on single evidence discussions so that you can create more complex sentences because you have the time and the space to properly develop the discussion paragraphs.  
  
I have to comment on your fourth paragraph. The closing paragraph is not acceptable as it does not provide the expected information for the concluding paragraph. There is no proper summation of the discussion using the restated prompt, points of discussion, and your opinion (if needed), all of which are required elements of a strong closing statement.
## corollaries of stress at work

  
  
The table show the changes in percentage of causes of stress in young executives group. Example of health problems induced by stress are listed.  
  
The table clearly present work overload is the most decline cause of stress compare between year 1984 and 1900, from 57 percent to 89 percent. The cause of stress because of lack of power and influence decrease 12 percent from year 1984 to 1990. The most notable increases in percentage of cause of stress is work-related travel, 29 percent increase from 16 percent in year 1984, to 45 percent in year 1990. Interpersonal relations rise from 15 percent to 31 percent from year 1984 to 1990, as a cause of stress.  
  
In addition, stress cause or exacerbated many health problems, which include muscular pain, heart disease, digestive problems, sleep problems, depression, obesity, autoimmune diseases and skin conditions, for example eczama.  
  
Stress of work in young executives cause numbers of health problems, and it is apparent from the table work-related travel is becoming the most major cause of stress.  
  
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*Question*
**The pie chart below show units of electricity production by fuel sources in Australia and France in 1980 and 2000**  
  
## different sources for electricity production in numbers

  
  
The pie charts reveal the proportion of electricity produced using five different of fuels in two different countries in 1980 and 2000. Overall, eventough Australia and France increased their production, there were different pattern in the changes of fuel source precentage.  
  
In 1980, Australia produced 100 units of electricity with half of it was come from coal source. That source just over three-quarters of all in 2000 when the country increased it's total production to 170 units. The hydropower source had also risen to 36% troughout the period. France, who produced 90 units of electricity in 1980, rose it's production to be doubled in 2000. The greatest change was in nuclear power source which moved up to approximately 75% of total production. Besides, both two countries experienced a significant decrease in natural gas source production.  
  
Less change was seen in oil source production in Australia which fell slightly by 8%, while in France it rose slightly to 25%. At 5%, hydro power source was the less production in France then in the last period it turned down to only 2%. Coal source production remained unchanged in this country.  
  
Total words : 188  
  
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Nuradia, my first comment is that your summary overview is lacking in content and as such, does not display an accurate summary of the chart information. Since the chart clearly indicates the 5 types of fuel used to produce electricity, you must have included the names of these products in the summary. Since the summary is an overview of important information and also doubles as the chronological presentation of the forthcoming discussion, the inclusion of those names would have told the reader about the path of discussion you are about to take. Another comment is with regards to the timeline reference in your essay. Since all of these events have already occurred, it would show a better understanding of English sentence development on your part, if you consistently used the correct time reference in the essay. In this case, the past tense should have been used uniformly in the essay presentation. Now, I believe that you use a separate word processing program to type this essay right? Even if you use the actual text box in the forum, the misspelled words would have been indicated. Please pay attention to your spelling and learn how to correctly spell as many words as possible while you are practicing because in the actual test, misspelled words will drag down your final score. Overall, this is a decent attempt at writing a summary essay. Work on the problem points to show improvement in your next round of practice tests.
Be careful when using words in writing task 1. Not all words can be used, for example: "different pattern in the changes of" sound unnatural here. It is always better to check them in your dictionary as to know how they are used in a proper way. Again, the paragraph 2 is struggling with words used and mechanics, and therefore this interrupts the flow of the sentence. Rather than using "was come", you'd better simply write "come", or you can switch the sentence, for example, people in Australia depended too much on coal, as this source was used to produce electricity, representing 50 of 100 units in total. A closer look at the last paragraph points out that as the phrase of "less change" misplaced, this cannot cover your presentation in the graph. Suggestion: not all phrases from the sample answer can be used in all IELTS essays. Make sure you know how to use it. What's more, you are lost in coherence. The word "it" refers to an empty idea as such a phrase is ambiguous, having more than one possible reference. Suggestion: find a good IELTS teacher to help you improve both lexical items and coherence in writing.
## education for prisoners

  
  
There is a widespread belief that prisoners should be given the well-education to make a fresh start after serving out their sentence. I also belief that education for offenders is a useful key to decrease the crime rate. The overall structure of the essay takes the form of two parts, including how education gives prisoners the chance rehabilitation and the reason why having a job supports them on community association.  
  
Education in jail is utilized for remoulding the figure of criminals to make them better. First of all, social isolation in jail provides environment for inmates to instigate violent disturbance which results in injury to others. Education requires people utilizing their time and the energy appropriatly and therefore, disturbance rate is decreased. Prisoners also learn how to improve themselves and spend time on helpful things. The second reason is, prisoners are training for advancing skills which supports them after rehabilitating. Not only that, but the inmates also have more time the normal to improve the skillfuless.  
  
On the other hand, having a job takes a considerable part in mitigating the crime rate. Firstly, position of employment provides the criminal opportunities to embark on being a helpful individual. It also helps them show a sense of responsibility for society which the reducing re-offending proportion is the implication for. The second is, the convict who is released back to the community acts as a deterrent to avoid breeding future offenders. The evidence suggests that youngster who approach with the liberated convicts have reduce their probality to commit crime.  
  
In conclusion, well-education should be given by the inmates because it transforms the criminals'mind positively and build them skills which gives them a job after reintegrating back into community. Education also plays a vital role in in lessen the crime proportion.
Nhu, I cannot accurately review this essay in terms of form and content because you did not provide the original prompt requirement along with your essay. That is why I cannot tell if your introductory paragraph is adherent to the requirements of the paper or not. There is something about what you wrote that tells me it does not follow the instructions for the discussion. I just can't put my finger on it at the moment due to the lack of the original prompt. That said, the essay that you wrote is convincing and really utilizes some very good examples in defense of your position. Your concluding paragraph is lacking in substance though. Mostly because it does not accurately represent the original prompt given as well as a summary of the definitive facts you stated to support your position. It would be best if you post the original prompt along with your next essay for a more thorough review of your work.
## the range of modern technology devices at homes in Britain

  
  
The Graph provides information about the changing trend of the use of modern technology in homes in the UK  
It can be seen that upward trend is the basic general trenf. As regard the first, the percentage of families using CD players and computer were up over the years with similar pattern, rising steadily from 60% in 1996/1997 to roughly 80% in 2002/2003 for CD player and from approximately 27% to 56% in the same period for home computer.  
  
The data usage of mobile phone started at the lowest point-slightly less than 20%. However, it experienced an gradual increase over the period of time and become the second popular technology in the UK with roughly 70% user.  
  
British families started to use internet access in 1998/1999, but over time, the pattern of this technology sharplu rose and held a share of more than 40% at the end of the period.  
  
In conclusion, it is noticeable that the number of families using CD player in UK always overwhelmed during the period under the study  
  
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@Tung Anh when you develop the opening statement, summarize the forthcoming discussion without offering actual information yet. Your current summary doesn't meet the required criteria so it doesn't help to increase your score. Try to offer longer, informative paragraphs by breaking up the information presentation into sentences within the paragraphs. Aim for at least 3, informative paragraphs in order to display your English abilities. Remember that you need at least 3 sentences to complete a paragraph. While this essay is informative, it has room for better information presentation and improvement. Work on developing better summaries and concluding statements. Analyze the information provided and try to find some information that may not be immediately obvious to present. That helps increase your grammar score.
Dear @Tung Anh, i'll try to give some corrections and advices that you might find useful..  
  
-For the first paragraph, you can make overview that simply describes the highlight of the graph. For example : "Overall, it can be seen that the improved technologies usage increased over the period given, especially the use of mobile phone which had most significant rise"  
  
-In second paraghraph, you can explain about the rising amount of mobile phone and internet access.-  
-The in last paraghrap, you can write the remained, CD player and home computer (which had similar pattern)  
You dont need to put conclusion in the last part because you already gave it in the first paragraph (overview)  
  
~~an~~ a gradual increase over the period ~~of time~~  
  
Wish us luck :)