dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The comparison discussion for this single opinion essay is not very well presented. That is because the instruction is asking you to weigh the advantages against the disadvantages of socializing through non physical methods. Your essay response is focused on healthcare, working from home, and other non-social media based activities. The focus on reasons, without actual connections with social media presented, is what created incoherent discussion paragraphs. If you wanted to discuss how social media is used for health purposes, then you should have cited how the hospitals could only accept Covid patients during the pandemic, forcing doctors to do remote consultations with their patients via Zoom, Messenger and other means. This created an advantage in a position where it is normally considered a disadvantage due to the non - physical nature of the consultation. Explain how the job was still accurately done even without face to face interaction, using social media. That is now what you depicted in your explanation, which made it an irrelevant reference in the discussion. The same goes for the job reference. How did this non-physical scenario prove to be beneficial when say, a building inspector needed to investigate the integrity of the building materials, without being physically present to test it?  
  
The proper format is to take a perceived disadvantage and explain how it became an advantage. The pandemic makes this highly easy to discuss since everything has become remote and, everyone has to use social media even if just for ordering groceries. The conclusion only has 35 words in it when the requirement is at least 40 words. You should do a better job of restating your discussion points within the advantage and disadvantage summary set up.
Topic:  
## The internet has as many disadvantages as it does advantages. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

  
  
We are now living in a modern society in which Internet is dominant and widely utilized everywhere. Even though Internet potentially exists several disadvantages that pose detrimental threats toward our society, I still believe that it will develop and proliferate rapidly in the future.  
  
On the one hand, Internet owns potential risks and affects on users with various ages. Spending a lot of time on Internet can make children addicted by a number of video clips and video game. There are some severe incidents related to playing online games which make the victims unconscious or even died because of copying behaviors of some characters. For adults, Internet also causes many violence and sexual problems. By following social media platforms such as Facebook, and Twitter, many people are influenced by others and then they do some self-assassinate or massive shooting. Sadly, numerous of rape and sexual abuse are also related to watching porn clips on Internet.  
  
On the other hand, it is irrefutable fact that Internet is an innovation changing our society and brings several benefits to our life. Internet forces the economy with billions dollars by proving online shopping platforms and intelligent supply chains supported by web applications. Internet opens telecommunication industry in different approaches in most of countries in the world. It makes us closer to others and removes the restriction of geographical issues by virtual platforms such as messenger, facetime that of connections seem impossible in the past. Furthermore, Internet owns an unlimited number of sharing knowledge in varying fields. Wikipedia, Google, Blogs, etc, become online libraries with plenty of documents, explanations and discussions.  
  
In conclusion, I think that many people now cannot live without Internet. Although it exists disadvantages that negatively impacts on users, the Internet will still be dominant and develop rapidly in the future.
Aside from the discussion of the advantage and disadvantage of the internet, the main question, which you failed to respond to in the presentation is; 'To what extent do you agree or disagree?" The basis of your thesis statement response is therefore, incorrect as you did not give the correct measured response to the question. Instead, you indicated an irrelevant response regarding the internet developing and proliferating rapidly in future. Reading this incorrect response from you will make the examiner give you a failing score in the TA section due to a response error. It is unrelated to the task provided.  
  
The discussion should have represented 2 reasons that show the extent of your dis/agreement with the given statement. Instead you offered a comparative discussion that does not relate to the measured response discussion requirement. Hence the misdirected response presentation.
Hi, new here. Can someone please check my essay?  
  
***As computers are being used more and more in education, there will be soon no role for teachers in the classroom.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
Nowadays, computers are integral parts of almost every activity, including education. Moreover, they are now more sophisticated than ever, which makes some people think that they will shortly replace teachers. I, however, would argue that teachers are irreplaceable and in this essay I am going show why.  
  
First of all, students acquire more than just simple facts from teachers; they acquire social and communicational skills as well, such as the appropriate use of body language. In contrast, computers can not mimic postures, gestures, or even a smile. This is a problem because body language plays an important role in communication and learning; they can emphasize our words or contradict our statements. Without a human educator, students will not suffer from the lack of this essential skill.  
  
Moreover, computers, no matter how advanced they are, do not have emotions. They can not show love, care, or comfort. This is a problem because such emotions are important to stimulate the learning process and to trigger students to be more involved in education by feeling comfortable to participate in class or to ask questions. The absence of emotions in education, in addition to hinder the learning process, might damage students' characters by making them feel rejected or unloved.  
  
In conclusion, it is not arguable that the immense advances in computer technology made them capable of replacing some jobs; however, I do not think that they are advanced enough to replace teachers. Teachers are not simply facilitators of facts, but have some skills that can not be copied by computers, like positive body language and emotions.
There is a prompt deviation on the part of your restatement. Kindly compare the following to see how you accidentally committed the error:  
  
Question: To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
Response: I, however, would argue that teachers are irreplaceable and in this essay I am going show why.  
  
The lack of proper response means your starting TA score will be rated based on unrelated response. Always review your essay for prompt accuracy after you draft your response. Make sure that your response supports the discussion instructions or responds to the question posed. In this case, you can clearly see why your essay will start at a scoring disadvantage from the very start. While your reasoning paragraphs are somewhat supportive of the given discussion topic and question, I do not believe that this will be enough to help you get a passing score in an actual test. Most specially since you do not have an appropriate summary conclusion presented. You continued to discuss your opinion in the last paragraph, creating a non-concluded essay. The lack of summary in the summary conclusion will also force additional deductions on your TA score.
going to show ~~why~~   
I think you should use more complex sentences. For example, "..., no matter how advanced they are,do not have emotions. They can not show love, care, or comfort. " In this sentence, the idea is duplicated.  
  
-> matter how advanced they are, do not have emotions such as feelings of love, care, or even hate  
You need to practice more because your sentences are still simple and monotonous.
Give me some advice! Thank a lot!  
  
PHONE CALLS EXPENSES  
  
The line graph illustrates on average how much money was spent annually on cell phone,national and international fixed-line services in the USA over a period of 9 years,starting in 2001.  
  
It is clear that the average amount of money spent yearly on national fixed-line services declined, while the figure for cell phone services increased considerably during the period shown. Furthermore, customers spent the lest money on international fixed-line services in general.  
  
In 2001, the average annual expenditures on national fixed-line services was $700,while the figure for cell phone and international fixed-line services were $200 and $250 respectively. Over the following 5 years, both mobile phone and national fixed-line services were spent the same amount of money,at $500, while the figure for global fixed-line services went up steadily.  
  
From 2006 to 2010,the expenses on cell phone services experienced an upward trend to about $750. By contrast, the figure for global fixed-line services dropped exponentially down to $400. The average amount of money spent on international fixed-line services remained relatively stable during the period, around $300.  
  
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Avoid run-on sentences in your summary overview. You will lose C&C points for presenting all the information in one long sentence when it should have been presented separately. By the way, you have to mention the starting year of the survey along with the ending year of the survey. Remember, you are summarizing the information so include all overview information that is easily seen from the image.  
  
There is an incomplete information presentation in the third paragraph, the figure for global fixed line services does not indicate any measurement reference. Always present supporting information for each reference point. That way you truly inform the reader and retain the clarity of the presentation.
## how instant noodles are manufactured

  
  
The diagram shows the eight steps that lead to the production of instant noodles. Thanks to this scheme, consumers may understand what stages are undertaken for noodles to be made as well as all the ingredients used in production.  
  
The process begins with the storage of flour into silos. After this step, flour is mixed with water and oil in a machinery called mixer to prepare the dough. Thanks to some rollers, it is possible to obtain dough sheets which are cut in thin strips later on. In the fifth step, instead, there is the use of another machinery to give a circular shape to the noodles which are cooked using oil. Once the noodles are cooked, they are left to dry for a short period of time. Then noodles are put in a recipient, namely a cup, where some spices and vegetables are added on. The eight and last step of the production of instant noodles is labelling and sealing the cups. Once the product is packaged, it is ready to start its journey which will lead it to the shelves of the supermarkets.  
  
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*task 1*
Basic format for this presentation is 3 paragraphs. That means there needs to be:  
- A summary overview + trending statement (without a personal opinion)  
- Explanation of the starting to middle process  
- Description of the packing process or final process  
  
You failed to provide the proper number of paragraph even though you wrote more than the minimum word count. So that means the second paragraph just needed to be divided into 2 presentations to meet the requirement. The part about "Once noodles are cooked", should have been separated in a new paragraph.  
  
There is a personal opinion presented in the opening paragraph, which is not a requirement in the Task 1 essay. This is just a direct descriptive report. Only the task 2 essay requires a personal opinion presentation. There is also a missing trending statement which means the essay does not fulfill the information requirements and presentation format for discussions in the task.
There is a definite sense of importance to this writing. Your opening statement was imaginative, but seemingly suddenly lost from one event to another. You went from a flaming ball of rock to the existence of man. There are 12 cataclysmic events that comprise the evolution of the earth. The 13th of which is, according to Neil De Grasse Tyson, is forthcoming. You need to better represent the events in-between that led to the current state of the earth. You need a gradual idea development instead of ideas that jump timelines without clarity.  
  
As for the paragraph about choosing world leaders, you are mistaken in your notion that there is no turning back when you elect a leader who does not believe in green energy. The next elected official can always change environmental policies as set by his predecessor. Therefore, there is no permanency to any environmental decision made by anyone. Remember that Trump pulled America out of energy and environmental agreements and Biden, put America back in. That is the basis of ever evolving government environmental regulations.
## vehicles in Australia STATISTICS

  
  
**The table below shows the number of vehicles registered in Australia in 2010, 2012 and 2014.**  
  
The table illustrates how the registration of five different vehicle types between 2010 and 2014 and the overall percentage growth.  
  
It is clear that the number of all five kinds of vehicles registered was on the increase over the period of four-years. In addition, the figure for passenger vehicles was the highest while the biggest growth could be seen in the number of registered motorcycles.  
  
In 2010, passenger vehicles has the highest number of registration, at 11 million, compared to commercial vehicles and motorcycles, at 2.3 million and 570,000 respectively. By 2014, the figure for passenger vehicles rose 18.2% to reach 13 million and was the highest over the given period, while the runner-up, commercial vehicles, rose 17.4% to reach 2.7 million in 2014. Meanwhile, the number of registered motorcycles saw the biggest growth, at 30.7%, from 570,000 to 745,000.  
  
The figures for light and heavy trucks also increased over the measured period, with heavy trucks rising 10.2%, from 384,000 to 423,000, and light trucks rising 23.5%, from 106,000 to 131,000.  
  
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The presentation shows percentage of change, not percentage of growth. Your reference is incorrect. It should have been restated as "overall measurement variations in percentages" or something similar. A quick run down of the 5 vehicle types was also in order since this is part of the overview information. It would have been a helpful reference and strong supporting information for the trending statement.  
  
The last sentence in the presentation can be better improved for clarity purposes by dividing it into individual sentences. The information would be clearer to the reader if you presented it as:  
  
*The figures for light and heavy trucks also increased over the measured period. Heavy trucks rose to 10.2%, from 384,000 to 423,000. Light trucks increased at a rate of 23.5%, from 106,000 to 131,000.*  
  
Avoid run-on presentations as these tend to confuse the information being presented. It becomes more difficult to follow when there are no clear demarcations in the presentation. In fact, all of the paragraphs could have been helped by better information division in the presentations. However, I am unable to show you more than one example for that in this post because showing you those changes would require me to basically rewrite the whole essay, which I am not permitted to do.
## The graph below shows the amounts of waste produced by three companies over a period of 15 years.

  
  
The provided line graph illustrates how much waste produced by three companies from 2000 to 2015.  
Overall, it is clear that while the amount of waste of com A and B dropped, the figure for com C rose at the end of the period. Furthermore, it can be seen that the period of time from 2000 to 2015 witnessed a significant change in the amount of waste made by com C.  
  
It is noticeable that at the beginning of the period the quantity of waste output by com A was highest, which stood at 12 tonnes, was 1.5 times as much as that of com B and 3 times as much as that of com C.  
  
From that time onwards, the amount of waste produced by com A declined remarkably to 8 tonnes in 2015. Besides, the figure for the waste of com B reached a peak of around 10 tonnes in 2005 before fell to 3 tonnes at the end of the period. In contrast, there was a considerable increase of 6 tonnes (10-4) in that of com C between 2000 and 2015.  
  
I'm practicing IELTS writing. I'm looking forward to receiving your fixing. Thank you so much!  
  
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While your summary overview is good, it would have been better if you did not create your own abbreviations for keywords in the presentation. Using the word "com" to refer to a company is something only known to you as you did not tell the reader that you would be using that word to refer to the term "company". You will lose and confuse the reader, causing stress as they try to figure out what you mean. It could adversely affect your GRA score since there will be some sort of confusion on the part of the reader.  
  
The second paragraph should be divided into individual sentences. You wrote a run-on, which is just a series of information without proper analysis or presentation in the paragraph. You are scored on clarity and grammar range and accuracy, both of which will suffer when you write using long sentences that could again, confuse the reader and further increase your GRA deductions. The run-on presentation seems to be the main problem of your presentation. Try to practice writing using the proper mix of simple and complex sentences. Run-on sentences do not represent those types of sentences.
## **To succeed in a business, one needs to be good at maths.**

  
*To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?*  
  
Essay:  
  
It is sometimes argued that good math skills are the key for employees to attain success in the workplace. While I recognize the importance of mathematics in business, I also believe that there are other factors that more significantly contribute to company achievement.  
  
On the one hand, I agree that math proficiency is certainly necessary in the workplace. There are a number of jobs essential in a business that require high levels of calculations, such as accounting and financial analysis. Therefore, those with solid math skills are more likely to carry out these tasks with greater effectiveness and precision than others. Perhaps more importantly, I believe math skills - particularly numeracy and numerical problem solving - are closely associated with broader cognitive ability. This ability really matters because it is reflective of a person's capacity to think critically and solve problems, both of which are key skills that contribute to employees' job performance.  
  
On the other hand, I believe that one still can achieve success in business without a background in math. In the modern age, we already have access to computers and calculators that are clearly able to take on more complicated math functions using a large amount of data. This means that highly calculative work in a business will no longer require humans to perform. Furthermore, I would argue that such factors like leadership style, organizational structure, and innovation are more important from a business perspective, and surely these things do not require any excellent math skills. For instance, effective communication and collaboration among employees as well as managers are non-math-related factors crucial to drive the company to success and growth.  
  
In conclusion, while math is an integral part of managing business, I do not see it as the most significant contributor to a business's success. (296 words)
There is a missing sentence in your thesis statement in the first paragraph. You forgot to indicate the measured response. Is it a partial disagreement with the statement? If so, why? Your discussion topics outline shows a partial disagreement with the statement, you should have framed the last sentence to clearly refer to that. Why? You are scored based on the clarity of your opinion. Therefore, you need to state that opinion directly and clearly, in a manner understood by the examiner, within the first paragraph. Yes, you gave an implication of such an opinion, but an implication of an opinion is not the same as a clear opinion. An implied opinion can be misunderstood by the reader, a direct and clear opinion, cannot be misunderstood.
## Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree?

  
  
in materialistic world, vacational is a platform of financial income for most of people. Some people argue that the high salary should be more concerned than the degree of satisfaction in job.In my perspective, I partly advocate with the given statement.  
  
To begin with,having an significant income in job is an genuine ambition to most of people.With the big salary , people can afford many demand in life namely as leisure,education, clothing,.... For instance, having a big budget monthly, people can invest to themself such as buying new clothes, traveling, ... To peple who have commercial vision , they can use their income for invest real estate which is one of the most potetial market at the present.It is clear to see that having big income from occupy expand many oppoturnity for improving life standard and expanding property. In further case, financial income symblize the degree of abundant in your life .Hence, owning a big salary job can raise your position in society. one of the particular evidence is Jack Ma, one othe famous billionaires in the world.He had been a normal citizen in the past until he become a billionaire, his reputation become widespread and many young people treat his succeed as inspiration.  
  
In the other hand ,salary is not component contributing to your achievement in job. In fact , attitude is the fundemental decide your future in job .In detail, people who merely work for money is easily dispirited with their job because the lack of stimulation. In psychology, worker can face with some mental disease as for working in out of their persional for a long time. For instance, worker who find much obstacle on their vacational generating negative emotion which possibility causing depressed or emotion disorder.  
  
In conclusion, although inspiration in work is a fundemental part , having a big income for the betterment life is worth sacrifying . In addition finding satisfactory rely on your frst acheive in job.Hence, i would argue that high salary is the priority condition for considering occupy.
When you partially advocate for the given statement, you are writing an extent essay. You are not writing an agree or disagree essay. Only the extent essay allows you to use a measured response for your agreement or disagreement with the given statement. The required opinion for this essay is either a complete agreement or disagreement, with the supporting paragraphs focused only on that opinion justification. So, this essay will be given a score based on not a response not relevant to the task provided. As a starting TA score, it is low enough to prevent you from receiving a passing score. Always remember, the first part of the scoring process is based on your English comprehension skills and ability to follow instructions in English. Fail to do that, show an inability to analyze the given discussion scenario, and you just might fail the test based on the first paragraph alone.