dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
It is important to remember the sentence number requirement per paragraph to avoid GRA deduction. All paragraphs inclusive of the summary must contain 3-5 individual reference/ information sentences. Getting used to such a practice ensures 3 things:  
  
1. Clearly informative paragraphs.  
2. Proper mix of compound, complex, and simple sentences.  
3. Avoidance of possible GRA deductions based on run on presentations, punctuation errors, and possible information confusion.  
  
The summary is too compressed and automatically contains at least 2 of these errors.  
  
A complete image identifier is needed. A graph in a general reference. What type of graph is it? More familiarity with image types will help the accuracy score.  
  
Always use the year reference in the reporting paragraphs. These will help the reader track the information from the summary into the report itself. The task 1 essay focuses on information accuracy and clarity. Always place the currency marker before the digits. Use a uniform currency presentation at all times.  
  
Let us say that you have the potential to achieve your target score. You are not there yet, but you are getting closer to it.
***Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible.  
  
## Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.***  
  
The development of technology has allowed many adults and youngsters to work and study from home. Although I believe that technology has excessive beneficial impacts on people's lifestyles, I also think that the improvement of technology can be negative in some ways.  
  
On the one hand, recently due to the outbreak of the Covid-19 pandemic, smart devices such as computers and mobile phones have become an essential element in people's lives as they allowed people to keep in touch with others and work from home. Moreover, because technology is cheaper nowadays, children in rural areas can easily get access to the Internet which positively contributed to their learning. For instance, instead of being restricted by geographical boundaries, digital classes enable students to make effective use of traveling time. With this significant amount of preparation time, these juniors will have more spare time for hobbies and outdoor activities.  
  
On the other hand, using smart devices without limitations can cause health problems. In fact, if children concentrate on playing computer games, their eyes will be affected by the screen lights from technologies. Furthermore, they can easily get addicted to computer games. In accordance with a survey made by my classmates, more than 70% of high school students have to wear glasses from a young age because of having bad eyesight.  
  
In conclusion, even though I agree that technology has beneficial effects that can help adults and children tackle many issues, spending excessive time using technology can create a detrimental lifestyle that will damage people's health. That is why people need to limit their time spent on the usage of technology to avoid having health issues.  
  
(273w)
The essay meets the word count requirements but not the opinion criteria. The lack of a clear opinion is evidenced by the agreement of the willr in a partial manner with both provided ideas. Such a discussion format is allowed only in an extent comparative essay which is not the format required by this discussion. The writer has accidentally produced 2 problems at this point:  
  
1. A lack of single opinion focus.  
2. Incorrect task format.  
  
These mistakes dangerously lower the preliminary score as only partial scores will be awarded in other sections due to the discussion format error. It may cause an overall failing score. The writer must become familiar with more Task 2 discussion types and how to properly approach them to avoid the same mistake in the future.
***IELTS 1  
The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004.  
## Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.**  
(Write at least 150 words)*  
  
The graph illustrates how many grams were consumed weekly by European people on fish and three types of meat: chicken, beef, and lamb from 1979 to 2004.  
  
Overall, there was an upward trend in the consumption of chicken as opposed to the data for lamb and beef. In addition, the lowest could be found in fish consumption.  
  
Looking first at beef and lamb consumption, over 200 grams of beef were used by each individual per week at the beginning of the period, followed by the figure for lamb was 150 grams. Then, the amount of beef peaked at approximately 240 grams in 1984 before hitting a constant fall to around 100 grams in 2004. Meanwhile, the figure for lamb had a substantial decrease after 1979 and fell to its lowest point at around 50 grams in 2004.  
  
Turning to the remaining figures, the amount of chicken consumed was accounted for just below 150 grams in 1979. After that, this number experienced a considerable increase to precisely 200 grams in 1989 and fluctuated slightly to end at around 250 grams in the last year. While the data of fish remained stable at approximately 50 grams throughout the period time.  
  
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There should not be any rush to compress data from the image. The more sentences referenced in the summary overview (3-5) the clearer and more informative it will be considered by the reader. Even if it is easier and possible to refer to all the information in a single breath/ sentence, it is not always a good thing. Such presentations cause GRA errors that the writer may not be aware of. Therefore, it is best to use single idea sentences in the summary section.  
  
The phrase "at the beginning of the period" should be referenced in the trending overview where vague references do not affect information coherence yet. It is best to mention the actual starting year in the analytical paragraph. The comparative paragraphs must always use the data as provided, even if it is only a year reference.  
  
The data for fish was incorrectly referred to as stable. Going forward, it will do your score well to properly reference this type of graph movement as "nominal with no significant changes."  
  
By the way, identify the image accurately next time by type. This is a line graph. Do not rely only on provided data for the summary. It may need correction or clarification in the actual report.
***Any country should be able to sell goods to other countries without the restrictions of the government.***  
## Do you agree or disagree?

  
  
It is controversial whether the government should impose restrictions on the exchange activities between countries. In my opinion, I agree that any nation should be allowed to freely sell goods although this could contain some disadvantages.  
  
On the one hand, permitting unlimited commerce could bring certain drawbacks. Since governments do not establish a trade barrier, several foreign companies could export their goods without difficulty. As a result, domestic enterprises would have less opportunities to develop successfully since they could not compete with overseas brands that both have previous experience as well as financial support from mother companies behind. For example, the open car market in the UK has globally attracted various automobile exporters from other nations, causing a noticeable decline in the number of cars sold by domestic manufacturers. In addition, criminals could take advantage of the free trade policy to commit smuggling, causing viable threats to the public.  
  
On the other hand, governments should allow unrestricted transactions to improve the life of people. By permitting trading ability, goods would not only increase in quantity but also widely vary in model. Thus, customers would gain access to different buying options, fulfilling the unique demand of each individual. Furthermore, multiple companies would potentially lose their dominance as more imported goods are approved. Consequently, they would be forced to enhance the goods quality or otherwise reduce the price to contend for revenue, which directly benefits people purchasing items. For instance, the average cost of motorcycles in Laos has declined significantly after the government granted foreign manufacturers the selling permission, helping numeral people.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that any nation should be able to sell goods to others without limitation from governments despite the following disadvantages.
The writer tried to exaggerate his restatement and opinion paragraph which led to a less than accurate retelling of the orginal prompt. He also changed the discussion instruction through his diect opinion response. The writer set-up his introduction paragraph for an immediate failing score. The discussion topic is based on an opinion, not a controversy. This is a single opinion agree or disagree consideration. It is not an agree or disagree + advantage v. disadvantage debate. These 2 errors will ensure a failing overall score due to the confusing discussion format.  
  
The approach should have been based upon *"I agree with the previous statement based on the advantages of such a practice."* or something similar. That opinionpresentation is clear and considered non-prompt deviant because the single opinion explanation has an advantage discussion basis. Both paragraphs after will explain the validity or acceptability of the writer's opinion. That is the main focus of the task.
***The chart shows the percentage of women and men in one Asian country who passed when they took their driving test between 1980 and 2010.  
## Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

  
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.***  
  
The diagram depicts the proportion of females and males who passed their driving test in one Asian country from 1980 to 2010. As is highlighted from the bar charts, the percentage of women and men who passed their driving test is on the increase between 1980 and 2010.  
  
Looking at the details, the proportion of driving tests passed by women commenced at approximately 50% in 1980, then improved significantly to around 70% during 2000. After that, there was a marginal decrease of nearly 5% in the year 2010.  
  
Meanwhile, the rate of men who passed their driving test gradually increased from 1980 to 2000 and stay the same during 2010. The year 1980 recorded a steady improvement from nearly 30% to approximately 40% in 1990 and 50% in 2000. Nonetheless, whilst women experienced a downward trend between 2000 and 2010, the proportion of men who passed when they took their driving test showed a stable change.  
  
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Provide an accurate number for the images given for the comparative report. That plus the correct image identifier should open the summary information. There is no diagram in this case, only 2 bar charts. The incorrect image reference implies both a lack of English word meaning and an unfamiliarity with the task requirements. Both are score deductible.  
  
Avoid the use of direct quotes from the given image as there will be scored as cut and paste elements, even if only a phrase or half a sentence. A cut and paste presentation is prominently seen in the summary presentation. All highlights must be reworded to avoid lower score considerations. Paraphrasing skills through comprehension must be evident in that paragraph.  
  
Majority of the paragraphs should have a more analytical consideration. That is normally found in paragraphs of 3-5 sentences. Combined comparisons such as these do not work as well when considered against real sentence type mash-ups.  
  
Even as I consider these errors and shortcomings of the writer, it is still a good effort. I know he can do better next time.
## THE PROCESS OF PRODUCING CHOCOLATE

  
  
The diagram shows how chocolate is produced. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.  
  
The flowchart demonstrates the process of making liquid chocolate.  
  
Looking at the graph, it can be seen that there are ten stages involve in the process, starting with the collection of cacao pods and finishing with liquid chocolate being made.  
  
First, cacao trees are grown in S.America, Africa and Indonesia which bear the ripe cacao pods. After being harversted, the white cacao beans are collected inside the ripe cacao pods. Next, the beans then get fermented before being spread out and left in the sun to dry.  
  
Then all the beans will be put in large packs to transports to the manufacturers by train or lorry. At the factory, the beans are roasted in high temperature at about 350 degrees. The roasted beans continue to be crushed to remove the outer shells from the inner part. Finally, liquid chocolate are made by pressing the inner part of the roasted beans. The procedure is completed  
  
(154w)  
  
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This is not a flowchart. A flowchart is defined as; a graphic representation, using symbols interconnected with lines, of the successive steps in a procedure or system. The word cannot be used interchangeably with diagram. A more appropriate alternate ward would have been a descriptive chart or outline. These are actual synonyms for a diagram. Be careful with word choices. One incorrect choice can alter the focus of the discussion and cause a failing paragraph score.  
  
There are not enough information within the diagram to warrant a 4 paragraph set-up. This is only a 3 paragraph design. The summary and overview should have been blended into one paragraph. Single sentence presentations are not acceptable as paragraph presentations. It will not geta helpful score.  
  
It is not advisable to say  
  
Looking at the graph  
because the assumption is that the report is detailed enough to be understood without needing to look directly at the image. Always frame these as factual descriptive reports. Do not refer the reader to the image for any reason.  
  
First, cacao trees are grown in S.America, Africa and Indonesia which bear the ripe cacao pods.  
Good information, bad sentence structure. What was the problem? There was no need to start with "first" because the topic sentence did not need it. There was no point in using that format since there was no second or third reference. Use a uniform ordinal next time.
## the proportion of salary in Japan to the price of tv receiver

  
  
Task: **The graph shows Japanese people's average monthly salary (thousands of Yen or ¥) from 1953 to 1983, and the prices of black and white television and color television during the same period.**  
  
The given line chart illustrates Japanese citizens' average income per month between 1953 and 1983, and the value of two kinds of TV during the same period.  
  
On the whole, the payment for a black and white TV and a color TV observed a downward trend while the reserve could be seen in the average individual earnings in Japan. Additionally, a color TV cost more than a black and white one.  
  
In particular, the amount of money that Japanese people paid for a black and white TV declined exponentially from ¥110 thousand in 1953 to ¥40 thousand in 1963 before a moderate drop to ¥20 thousand in 1983. Likewise, a color TV's valuable also fell rapidly from ¥100 thousand to ¥60thousand between 1963 and 1973, followed by a minimal decrease to ¥48 thousand at the end of the period.  
  
Conversely, the Japanese monthly personal salary mostly reached a plateau at ¥20 thousand from 1953 to 1963 after which it went up minimally to ¥30 thousand in the next ten years. Subsequently, it rocketed to nearly ¥70thousand in 1983 which overwhelmed the price of two kinds of TV.  
  
*
3 problems in the summary overview alone:  
  
1. An apostrophe or apostrophe S is not used when indicating the plural form of a word. It is not a proprietorial mention.  
  
2. There should be a mention of the Yen, as in thousands of Yen, as the salary currency to clearly indicate the fiduciary value and currency of the salaries.  
  
3. The presentation should have been seperated into several stand-alone sentences to clearly reference the provided information. Run-on sentences do not represent proper simple, complex, and compound sentence variations and cause severe GRA deductions.  
  
There are LR problems as well that show an unfamiliarity with English word meaning and usage:  
  
Wrong: reserve - to keep back or save for future use, disposal, treatment  
Right: reverse - opposite or contrary in position, direction, order, or character  
  
Wrong: valuable - having considerable monetary worth; costing or bringing a high price:  
Right: value - monetary or material worth, as in commerce or trade  
  
Look up the meaning of overwhelmed to understand why it is also a wrong word choice for the sentence. These are but a few of the word usage problems that will result in LR deductions.
## low priority of Wild animals protection

  
  
Some people believe that wildlife doesn't worth being preserved as they have no priority in the 21st century. Personally, I strongly disagree  
with the statement above  
In my opinion, it is absurd to argue that wild animals have no place in the 21st century. As the increase in the world's population, more lands, and animals' habitats are being exploited for farming or building large-scale infrastructure, and innovative facilities. However, there is plenty of rooms in high-rise apartments for us to dwell. As a result, we can utilize the remain of space for animals. Furthermore, there are no compelling reasons why we should let these species be on the brink of extinction.  
  
Moreover, I also disagree with the idea that conservating wildlife is a waste of resources due to its significant advantages for the world. It appears that protecting natural resources ensures the survival of these wild animals. To be more precise, when we guard the biological diversity of rainforests means we stabilize  
  
the Earth's climate because rainforests absorb Carbon dioxide and release oxygen for breathing. They prevent many specific regions from flooding reservoirs. By protecting natural dwellers and their habitats, we can maintain the sustainability of the Earth  
  
To put everything in a nutshell, it is believed that wild animals have no place in the 21st century, so people have no obligation to protect them. From my point of view,  
  
I totally disagree with that idea because they are precious and humans have no right to let them die out.
The prompt given is an opinion. Where no extent or disagree response is asked for, the writer must discuss the essay from a logical point of view. Does the writer share the same opinion ? Why or why not? The rephrasing should only be 3 sentences long:  
  
1. Restate the topic  
2. Answer if one shares the opinion (e.g. I can understand why one would think this. / I can see reasons to not believe this statement)  
  
3. Give a summary of 2 supporting reasons.  
  
The essay is frustrating to read because the writer shows a total disregard for paragraph formatting. A consideration heavily observed by the examiners. Expect severe deductions because of this. Careless writing will always result in a failing score.
Fellow student here trying to get better at writing essays. Not a professional so take my opinion as you like. I think it would help you a lot if you were to read what you write as you do so. I used to write like this but then I read them and I realized how much I could improve on what I wrote. A big part of what I think could be improved would be on how you explain something. I think you have to elaborate on your argument more. Just makes your point of view a lot easier to comprehend and makes it more convincing.
## method of transport

  
  
**The table and bar chart show how journey times in a city centre changed after improvements were made to the transport network, and the cots of using different form of transport in the city. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
The table shows how long it took to transport around a city before and after the transport network was improved. The bar graph shows how much it cost to use various types of transport.  
  
Traveling by taxi is the fastest way of getting around the city throughout the innovative process, at 9 minutes and 12 minutes respectively. The car experienced the biggest rise in journey times after improvements to the network, from 10 minutes to 15 minutes. The bus is the slowest form of transportation, it takes passengers 28 minutes around the city, but thank to the improvement the average journey time is decreased 5 more minutes to 23 minutes. The tram witnessed the biggest fall in journey times after improvements to the worldwide innovation, from 22 minutes to 16 minutes.  
  
Passengers who travel by taxi have to pay €1.80 per kilometre which is more expensive than car (€1.00). It takes €0.50 per kilometre for traveling by tram while the cheapest form of transport is bus - just €0.4 per kilometre. In a nutshell, depend on distances, the quickest way to travel is taxi but high-priced, otherwise bus is the best way for the pocket.  
  
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Since this is a 2 image report, the writer should have used the 4 paragraph reporting format composed of:  
  
Summary overview + 2 trending statements (one for each image)  
3 Reporting and comparison paragraphs  
  
There are 3 reporting paragraph because the paragraphs should be composed of:  
  
Image 1 reporting paragraph  
Image 2 reporting paragraph  
Comparison of information paragraph  
  
The writer has not completely analyzed the images in the manner that would have showed a thorough study of the data and comparison of information. While he did an accurate job of reporting the information from each image in their respective body paragraph, he did not offer a proper analysis of the image based on contrasting observations of the two images when compared side by side.
I see you haven't write a overview for it yet, you should consider to include that in every passage since it's important in ielts writing task 1. In the introduction, you should link two sentences with linking words like while. Also, ielts writing task 1 is not really asking for a conclusion, you should write an overview instead of it. In the nutshell is also inappropriate for a IELTS test.  
  
That's what i think :>
I'm also a student trying to get better at writing. I don't know as much as the professional writers here so keep that in mind.  
  
Overall it think what you've written is good. But there are some grammatical errors that I think previous users have pointed out. On top of this I think you could also make everything flow a lot better. There are parts of the paragraph that I think you could elaborate on a little more. Just makes the piece flow a lot better and allows you to explain it clearly. ^^