dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
... about the percentage of ~~relationship people~~people's relationship who have a job ...  
  
1) Avoid this wrong like this again  
  
2) ... supervisors and co-workers in ~~2003~~2005 and 2009.  
  
2) WRONG YEAR !  
  
... their supervisors in 2005 is very good ~~with the percentage is at 61~~ . Then, it ~~is~~was followed by good category ...  
While, in 2009 the percentage ~~was increase~~increased to 65. It can be ~~say~~see that, very good category relation, ...  
  
You still make many errors in grammar. !
***Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?***  
  
Early age is the best time to learn many things moreover a new language. Some people are convinced that children have to learn a different language at the earliest grade, while the others think that children should study it when they are in the secondary school. Personally, I believe that the advantages are far more than the disadvantages for young people who study a foreign language when they are still in the first level in the school.  
  
Leaning a new language in the early age at primary school has some possible drawbacks. Firstly, studying additional subject, it could overburden the children because they have to focus as well as on other subjects such as math, science, and their own original language. They have to divide their time to spend a portion for studying a new language that require extra focus also like learning English which the pronunciation is different than the written. Secondly, the children would get stress because they already have been some subjects in the school and after that they have additional time for learning new subject again.  
  
On the other hand, it is approved generally that young people are faster studying about new subject than older people. They can easily imitate the pronunciation of that new language because their brain has not been much thought yet. In addition, international languages today such as English or Mandarin are really required whether in the workplace or business. Thus, if they already have mastered foreign language in the early age, they would not be able to get much burden in the next education level in which study more subjects.  
  
In conclusion, I personally believe that studying a new language in early age give more benefit for children even they have to divide the time to learn others subjects.
... to learn many things ~~moreover~~even a new language  
  
1) Moreover usually placed in the beginning of the sentences. It's not true if it placed in the middle of the sentence.  
  
Some people ~~are convinced~~convince that children ~~have to~~must / should learn a different language ...  
  
2) suggestion ---> must / should  
  
3) remember it present and active. Not passive form.  
  
~~Leaning~~Learning a new language in the ...  
  
4) TYPO ---> LEARNING  
  
... overburden the children because they have to focus as well as on other subjects such as math, science, and their own original language.  
... would get stress becausethey already have been some subjects in the school and after that they ...  
  
5) I think there is no different between your first example and the second example. In the first you say they must focus to many subjects, and then they must divide their time. In the second you said, ther some subject, and after that they must have another time. What is the different between that ?  
  
to get much ~~burden~~chance / opportunity in the next education ...  
  
6) Based on the cambridge dictionary, burden have meaning like that:  
  
noun  
- a heavy load that you carry  
- something difficult or unpleasant  
  
verb  
- to trouble someone  
  
So, what is the meaning that you means ?
***The chart below show the results of surveys in 2005 and 2009 asking workers about their relationships with their supervisors and their co-workers.***  
  
The percentage of relationship among workers in the workplace toward their supervisors and work partners in 2005 and 2009 is presented by pie charts. Overall, most workers had very good relationship to their supervisors and partners in 2005 and 2009. Nonetheless, the partnership with co-workers was better than with supervisors.  
  
To begin with, in 2005 the relationship between employees and supervisors stood at 61% of very good category. Four years later, it went up to 65%. Meanwhile, the good level fell from 26 to 22 percent. Then, the percentage of fair, poor, and employees who do not have supervisors was less than 10 percent. In 2005, there were people who categorized as 'no answer' with only 2%. However, in 2009 all participants give answers.  
  
The very good level of officers in 2009 was higher than 2005 between 70 and 63 percent. However, workers had a slight increased from 2005 to 2009 by 3%. The fair interaction between workers and their partners fell from 7 to 3. There was no poor relationship in 2009 and workers who did not have supervisors just below to 3 percent. 186w  
  
*
**The charts below show the results of surveys in 2005 and 2009 asking workers about their relationship with their supervisors and their co-workers.**  
  
The pie charts present about the relationship between employees and supervisor and their work-mates in 2005 and 2009 based on surveys. Overall, it can be seen that the highest percentage both relationship with supervisor and job partners are very good and it's always more than fifty percent while the lowest percentage are don't have work-mates in 2005 and 2009.  
  
In relationship with supervisor, there was an increase in very good percentage over 4-years period. It changed from 61 percent to 65 percent when there was a decrease in good results from 26 percent to 22 percent. Beside that, in don't have a supervisor there was an increase from 1 percent to 5 percent when there was a steady percentage in poor answer at 2 percent.  
  
In relationship with co-workers, there was an increase in very good results from 63 percent to 70 percent while there were a decrease in good and fair results, from 28 percent to 25 percent and 7 percent to 3 percent respectively. But in 2009 there was not employees that have poor answer.  
  
*   
*Question*
1) You'd better if you add some conjunction or linking words : IN ADDITION, BESIDE THAT, IN THE FIRST GRAPH, OR OTHERS, that make it more coherence.  
  
2) Well, remember, IELTS Writing Task 1 have aim to know our ablity of SUMMARIZING. In you body you still mention it one by one. And there are nothing any comparison between data. You should compare, for instance people who very good in supervisor and in co-workers, and others. You still mention one by one and it makes not fulfill the aim of Task 1
***The purpose of businesses is to make money and they should concentrate only on this. Do you agree or disagree?***  
  
These days, development of business experience changes fast. Some corporation became more concentration and innovative in creating many fascinating products. Some people say that business activity only aim to earn money. I totally disagree with this statement. There are many companies that survive not only for financial purpose, but also to do useful activity that relates to humanity duty.  
  
Business activity has highly profitable and it has pleasure prospect to earn a lot of money, so business must be concentrated properly. For example, a business retail which has a benefit in produce the income. A company that supply many goods that have high qualities, so it can attract consumers. It is mean the big income will be easy to reach. The owners have to concern in internal aspect of their own company, such as manage and maintenance sales. If they not improve the managerial and maintenance they will lose many buyers. It is mean they will lose much money. So, concentrate in internal factor is important, especially to get big income.  
  
On the other hand, there are many corporate that not only aim to get money, but also to act a social usefulness. For example, Lifebuoy, it is a hygiene products company that has purpose not only for financial, but also to promote healthy lifestyle to the people. Besides, they do improving in their products, they also make campaign when were happened disaster, such as flood, and earthquake. They donate their product to prevent diseases that related to a disaster. Then, they give food aid, and housing equipment freely for the victims. So, that ways they can help other people and the company can survive existence.  
  
In conclusion, business is one of ways to ear money, so we have to give much concern into it, but I believe that there are other factors that we have to take more concentrate such as, humanity duty to help people, so we can get big income and can solve people's problem.
**HELLO MISS BADA :)  
HERE ARE FEW CORRECTIONS FOR YOU :)**  
... business activity only aim => AIMS to earn money.  
... for financial purpose, (UNNECCESARY COMMA) but also to do ...  
  
A company that supply=>SUPLLIES many goods that ...  
If they not improve => DO NOT IMPROVE the managerial and ...  
  
... not only for financial, (UNNECESSARY COMMA) but also to promote ...  
Besides, they do improving=>IMPROVE in their products, ...  
disaster=>DISASTERS , such as flood, and earthquake.  
  
... to give much concern into=> TO it, but I believe that ...  
  
KEEP WRITING AND GOOD LUCK :)
Hi bada! here are my suggestions  
  
Some corporation became more ~~concentration~~**concentrated** and innovative in ...  
*comparative words: more + adj. construction is a noun. you have to change it into adjective so that it can be equal with innovative which is an adjective*  
  
... business activity only ~~aim~~**aims** to earn money.  
  
... not only for financial purpose~~,~~ but also to do ...  
*comma is unnecessary in this compound sentence*  
  
Business activity has ~~highly profitable~~**a high profit** and it has .....  
*better if you change it into nounphrase*  
  
so business must ~~be concentrated~~**concentrate**~~properly.~~  
*maybe you still confused about the 'concentrate form' i suggest you, open cambridge dictionary to look out that full explanation*  
  
A company ~~that~~ supply many goods ~~that~~**which** have high ...  
  
If they **do** not improve the managerial ...  
  
GOODLUCK
**The charts below show the results of surveys in 2005 and 2009 asking workers about their relationships with their supervisors and co-workers.**  
  
The pie charts give information about workers relationships with their supervisors and co-worker as the results of surveys in 2005 and 2009. As a general trend, employees had a very good relationship with supervisor and co-workers which is increase over those years.  
  
Most of worker in 2005 have a very good relationships which was 61 percent and increase by 4 percent in 2009. A good relationship was build by 26 percent employee in 2005 then dropped 4 percent in 4 years later. Fair relationships decreased slightly from 8 percent in 2005 to 6 percent in 2009. Only 2 percent of people who had poor relationships in workplace. Significant rise was had by worker who did not have supervision by 5 percent in 2009 from 1 percent in 2005.  
  
Relationships with co-workers was shown in the third and the fourth graphs. A very good relationship in worksites was formed by 63 percent worker in 2005 then increase to 7 percent in 2009. There was a slight decreased of worker in good relationships by 3 percent from 2005 to 2009. Fair category also showed downward trend which was drop from 7 percent to 3 percent in 2009. Increasing of employee who did not have co-workers only 1 percent between 2005 and 2009.  
  
*
Hello aini! I will give you some opinions about your essay.  
  
(1) ... which ~~is~~ increase**d** over those years.  
  
(2) Most ~~of~~ worker**s** in 2005 ~~have~~**had** a very good relationships ...  
(3) A good relationship was build ~~by~~**between them at** 26 percent ~~employee~~ in 2005 then ~~dropped~~**there was a drop by** 4 percent in 4 years later.  
  
(4) **The figure of** Fair relationships decreased...  
(5) ... did not have supervision ~~by~~ at 5 percent ...  
  
(6) ... then increase**d**~~to~~**by** 7 percent in 2009.  
(7) There was a slight decreased ~~of~~**in** worker in good relationships ~~by~~**of** 3 percent ...  
(8) ... trend which ~~was~~ drop**ed** from 7 percent ...  
  
*Too much 'from ... to ....'*
**Some people say that the clothes people wear are the most important indicatior of what they are like. Others, however, say that people should no be judged by the clothes they wear.**  
  
At present, the way people look and their dress become an identity for them. Some people argue the fabrics that people wear is the most important indication of what they are like. Due to people who use a suit cloth is seen as an executive while people who use casual clothes is judged as less education people. Others say that it is not fair to judge people by the way they look.  
  
For a particular situation, judging people by the clothes they wear is allowed like in workplace. For example, workers usually have two different type of dress. The first is casual look. It is connected to flexible people or people who take flexibility as priority in their job. So, they will look more enjoyable than others. The second is suit dress which is usually used by people who look so serious and most of their task is relate to public, promotion, or consumes. They look more formal.  
  
However, what people wear do not the most important indicator what they are look like. Personally, I believe that people clothing is one way to predict how people do like but it is not the best. Aside from dress, there are a plenty of things that more important aspects to judge people. Such as behaviour, social relationships, and the way people speak. For instance, a famous businessman from Indonesia, Bob Sadino, always uses casual cloth, short pants, and old shirt which do not presence his real looks. He thinks that what he do in society and his passions in business are more important than dress.  
  
To sum up, it is not fair to judge people by their clothing since there are so many things that can be looked despite how they look.
Hei, i will give you suggestion:  
  
Others, ~~however~~ , say that people should no be judged by the clothes they wear.  
  
At present, ~~the way people look and their dress become an identity for them~~(Make it clear) **] i think it will be good if you say " people usually judge others by the way their dress that shows her identity**.  
  
... that people clothing clothes of people which they wear is one way to predict how ...
***The purpose of businesses is to make money and they should concentrate only on this. Do you agree or disagree?***  
  
Many workers decide to resign from their job and start to begin business. They make a business to get much money. Focus on making money is the way to produce it largely. I tend to disagree due to there are some things that businessperson should notice too.  
  
Many businesses are in the good trading and merits trading that residents need it. That it is why business is one of the best ways to produce much money. How to make much money by business? Since we know that business is about compete to sell something and the product that are liked and needed by many people. Therefore, owner must improve the quality of the product. They have to make familiar own-label product to make consumers easy to remember. They should make the product unique than others. So, it will improve the profit of them.  
  
Besides, owner also must notice the other side. Because focus on only making money will make the entrepreneurs negligence about the construction of business. Improving the quality of employees is an example. It must be paid more attention by entrepreneur. Since making much money from the quality of product, sales cannot exist without contribution of good and loyal workers. Hence, businessman must treat their labors well. The labors must get appropriate welfare.  
  
In conclusion, profit is the focus of entrepreneurs that will be gotten by selling high quality product and unique brand. However, they must take care their labors 'improvement too for supporting of product manufacturing, promoting, and selling (distributing).
start to begin business - strike out a new business company/ start a new business - i am not very confident with the first phrase.  
  
to get much money. -- in order to earn a lot of money/ to make huge profits  
  
I tend to disagree due tothe fact , there are some things ... -this sentence doesn't sound very clear  
  
know that business is about compete to sell something and the product  
-- business is about competing to sell goods to your customers and crating products, that are both liked and needed by huge amount of people.  
  
to make consumers easy to remember - to make it more memorizable for their customers.  
  
, owners also must notice...
Hello, Anna94 :)  
Here are my suggestions for you.  
  
**The purpose of businesses is to make money and they should concentrate only on this. Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
... and start to begin a business with the aim to~~They make a business to~~ get much money.  
I tend to disagree to this initiative issuedue to there are some things that business person should notice too.  
  
*It is essential to ensure the using of a certain noun, either uncountable or countable noun, consistently [e.q business].  
I could not get the point of "there are some things that business person should notice too".  
It would be better if you mention those risks directly, and avoid using "things". This is because this word is ambiguous.  
Lastly, remind that if you use "due to / because of" + noun phrase, while "because/since/once" is followed by subject + verb.*  
  
*Anna, having read the entire essay, I think you have misunderstood the prompt since it asked for "is money the only thing to be focused on the business?"  
  
If you agree to this, why? You do not need to explain how to make much money by having unique products or good labors*
hai anna  
I will give you additional advice for your essay  
hope it helps  
  
... job and start ~~to begin~~ business. They makes a business to ...  
Focus on ~~making~~earnings money is the way ...  
... some things that ~~businessperson~~businessman should notice too.  
  
Many businesses are ~~in the~~ good trading ...  
~~How to make much money by business?~~<< avoid using questionnaire  
  
... business is about ~~compete~~competing to sell something ...  
They have to make a familiar own-label ...  
  
Besides, owner also ~~must~~ notice the other side.  
Since ~~making~~earning much money from ...  
  
In conclusion, profit is the ~~focus~~aims of entrepreneurs that ...  
  
thanks  
break a leg
Hello  
You have a good summary  
I have some corrections for you  
  
They have to make familiar own-label product to ... -->  
They have to promote their own-label product as it would increase the number of consumers. Thus, it will improve the profit of them by this way.  
  
Besides, owner also must notice the other side. Because focus ...-->  
Besides, owner also must notice the other factors can be influenced as focus on only earning money will make the entrepreneurs negligence about the construction of business.  
  
Improving the quality of employees is an example.-->  
For example is improving the quality of employees for getting more income.  
  
Since earning much money from ...  
... treat their labors well and give the appropriate welfare .  
  
Thanks
Hello Anna!  
Allow me to give you some suggestion.  
  
I think there is a missunderstanding of your task.  
The prompt ->**The purpose of businesses is (...) Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
...Therefore, owner must improve the quality [...] So, it will improve the profit of them.  
Look at your body 1, it is not relate with the keyword. You should say why the businesses should concentrate to make money. It is not about the way to make money.  
  
Look at example below:  
*Making money is the main part of what businesses do. They have to make profit to make their effort still stand out. Businesses also have to make income on what they produce so that the production processes do not stop.*  
  
Hope it helps you :)
Hallo anna.. here my suggestion about your essay..  
  
*Many workers decide to resign from their job and start to begin business. They make a business to get much money. Focus on making money is the way to produce it largely. I tend to disagree due to there are some things that businessperson should notice too.*  
  
I think you did not achieve your task.. you did not answer the question. The question is  
  
*The purpose of businesses (...) Do you agree or disagree?*  
  
So you should focus only in the purpose businesses to make money not about why people resign from job and start business. Let me to give you an example  
  
*High income and get money as much as possible is the main aim when conduct business. I tend to disagree with this notion because there are some things that businessperson should notice too.*  
  
Good luck!
hai anna, here are my suggestions for your essay  
  
... business is about ~~compete~~**competing** to sell something ...  
  
Therefore, **the** owner must improve ...  
*you have to make the owner spesific, right?*  
  
... own-label product **so that****to make**~~consumers~~ easy to remember.  
  
So, it will improve ~~the~~**their** profit ~~of them.~~  
  
... promoting, and selling (distributing).  
*actually, selling is quite different from distributing you have to divide it.*
**Internet is an excellent source of communication, but some people suggest it's hard to find info...**  
  
Today world has moved at the fast pace into modernisation. Internet plays a vital role in collecting information and communication for all age group. But, some people argued that, other mediums are also available for providing useful and relevant data. This essay will examine the importance of internet as well as other mode of information provider.  
  
To begin with, internet is now a need of an hour. Everyone is dependent on internet. It helps people to not only solve their queries but also give them additional details about the topic with one button click.  
  
On the other hand, books are also a best of getting information. Some people believe that it not only enrich their reading skills but also keep them away from harmful internet radiations. In addition to, books are the best friend and reduce the level of distraction like games and videos that are available on internet.  
  
In my opinion, no doubt that the internet is the best information provider. This is because, it is easy, faster and reliable. Moreover, it always update you with the correct information and reduce boredom.Furthermore, internet helps people to connect socially. Facebook and whatsapp are the perfect example as per current scenario. A person can easily commute with their distant friend and relatives without going anywhere.  
  
To sum up, there are various source are available in market like telephone, television and so on but, internet is the most interactive and entertaining way in collecting relevant data.