dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
First thing I would do is change the word infants to children, since infants (newborns) can't play sports.  
I also think that you could use more structured reasons as to why sports effect education such as contact sports like football can cause concussions and other damage to the brain, or sports will take time away from homework and studying time, etc.  
  
Red = replacement/ suggestion words  
Green/ blue = comments  
  
Today ~~Nowadays~~, physical activities play ~~as~~  one of the most vital ~~parts of~~ rolls in every ...  
This essay will discuss ... This is a good place to gain your credibility by saying that you grew up playing sports (if you did)  
  
... ~~competitions~~, ~~infants~~ children will ~~also have to~~ practice under ...  
... by some scientists (what scientists) that children ... academically (slippery slope, I suggest changing it to something that sounds more concrete if you aren't using resources).  
  
... getting involved in ~~championships~~ sports means they have to train or go to practice on a regular ... Finally, ~~infants~~ competing under ... (I would personally change the first and last argument in this section into something a little more concrete)  
  
Playing sports can be extremely enjoyable ... If you play sorts then you should make a statement saying that because you are in a sport it helped you in your academics  
  
I hope this helps!
I am planning to take the IELTS test. Here is one of my essay. I really need to improve my writing skills in order to get the best preparation for the IELTS test.  
  
**## Car ownership in Great Britain

  
Topic: The chart below shows the changes in car ownership in Great Britain between 1961 and 2001.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
The line graph illustrates the different number of people who have cars in Great Britain during the period of 40 years from 1961 to 2001.  
It can be seen from the line graph that the number of houses in Great Britain who had 2 cars experienced a remarkable growth from 1961 to 2001. There were no British houses had 2 or more cars in 1961 but nearly one-third of the population of Britain afforded to buy at least 2 cars in 2001. In contrast, there was a sharp decrease in the household in Britain who had no car from 1961 to 2001, fell approximately 40% from 65% to 29%. The percentage of families with no car reached a bottom at roughly 30% in 2001.  
  
From 1961 to 2001, the percentage of one-car owners fluctuated from 35% to 50% reached a peak of 50%. In 1981, half of the population of Britain had one car in their house though from 1991 to 2001, the number of one-car owners remained stable at 45%. In 2001, the different walks of life were clear that nearly one- third of British residents had 2 or more car in their house and people who had no car constituted the same proportion.  
  
Overall, the percentage of families with 2 or more cars rise sharply due to the considerable fall of no-car owners and the fluctuation of one-car owners from 1961 to 2001.  
  
*   
*If this image is blurred, please give comment on vocab and grammar. Thank you.*
Dung, you were right about the image. It is so blurred that it is useless as a basis for reviewing your essay. You are lucky though, there were not major sentence structure or grammar issues in your writing. While your presentation could be better, it was not a problematic presentation. Your thought process was clear and your information came across in an understandable manner to the reader. I would have liked to have seen a more complete opening overview summary though. Your trending statement should have also been separated from the main paragraph presentations and included either as a part of the summary overview or a stand alone sentence. In this instance, the merging made it a bit hard to spot while reading.  
  
As for formatting considerations, kindly remember that there is a 3-5 sentence requirement for the paragraph. The way you have this essay structured at the moment, the paragraphs tend to run into the lengthy territory, which creates unnecessary run-on sentences. Use full stops through a period for every sentence. Don't use commas because the continuous thought discussion pattern will tend to confuse your reader and in the process, lower your C&C score.  
  
I don't advice you to write more than 200 words for this 150 minimum word essay. Any more than that and you will tend to make more GRA mistakes, create incoherent sentences, and lose all time for editing and revising your possible mistakes. Anywhere from 150-175 words in a 4 paragraph format will be sure to get you a better scoring consideration in the actual test. Editing and revising is just as important as the word count in this case so you have to find a balance between the two that you are comfortable with when you are writing the Task 1 essay.
**You recently received a letter from a friend for advice about whether to go to college or to try to get a job. You think he/she should get a job.  
  
Write a letter to this friend. In your letter:  
- Say why he/she would not enjoy going to college  
- Explain why getting a job is a good idea for him/her  
- Suggest types of jobs that would be suitable for him/her**  
  
## follow your instinct

  
  
Dear Athen,  
I hope you're doing well. I'm writing to express my thought toward the letter you wrote to me a couple of days ago.  
  
In my opinion, going to college doesn't ensure you to have the best time cause you don't like studying. I still remember you got suspended when you were at the high school for a few years.  
  
It is vital that you should follow your gut and instinct. As far as I've known, you started working since you were sixteen in order to accomplish and achieve your goal, which you aim to be a businessman. Getting a job not only secures you an independent life but also lessens your misconception in doing business, and enrich your business skills.  
  
There are a few jobs I consider it would be suitable for you such as sales administrator at a real estate company, or working at a customer service department that you had experience in.  
  
I would love to hear your choice in the next letter.  
Best wishes.  
(168 words)
Hi, I would like to give some suggestions about your letter.  
If this is a letter for a friend, I think it is a bit too formal. Besides, I find some small grammatical mistakes like:  
**express my thoughts**  
**going to college doesn't ...**  
I would change it to " Attending university won't give you the best experience, because you don't like studying."  
**I still remember you were suspended from high school for a few years.**  
**you have been working since you were ... your goal, which is to become a businessman.**  
**Getting a job not only ...**  
It sounds a little confusing to me. I would write something like:"Getting a job not only helps you become financially secure but also gives you real-world business experience and enhance your practical skills in business". Because you want to convince your friend to get a job, you should emphasize the importance of real-life work experience that university sometimes can't provide.
Han, you tend to get confused in you ruse of English words because you are not familiar with the differences between slang and formal English words. Coz, is the slang version of "because". While cause means that something happened because of a specific action or reason. When you said "... have the best time", the next word should have been "because as you are supposed to provide a reason for the subject's action. By the way, how does the suspension of your friend relate to his lack of interest in studying? That subject does not have a definite reason for happening that could tie it with the previous statement.  
  
While your sentence structure is problematic and the essay is still mostly a grammatical nightmare, you are able to get your point across and that is what matters the most. That is what you will be scored upon in the end. It would be good for you to continue to do more sentence creation exercises which can help you improve your grammar and sentence presentations. You show that you have the ability to write an informal letter in English, that is a very good start. Now you just have to work on improving the presentation.
Hi, here my essay about "More and more people are moving away from an agricultural background to relocate to cities in order to look for work. What will be the consequences of this? What solutions can you offer? ". Can you give me some feedback? Thanks.  
  
## people move from small towns to bigger cities

  
  
It is true that increasing number of people are moving into cities from rural areas in purpose of searching a job. Although this trend has some serious consequences, government can take steps to overcome these potential issues.  
  
Rural to urban movement causes several problems. Firstly, increased population in cities will create traffic congestion due to increased number of car owners. People will spend more time on the way while commuting. This will also lead extra stress on people. Second possible issue is that higher renting and selling house proces. This will be adversely affected because of higher demand of housing. For example, home prices in metropolitans such as New York, London and Istanbul have the highest rate among all cities in their country. Finally, there will be seen a shortage of food products because less people will grow up vegetables and fruits.  
  
There are various measurements that governments can take to tackle these possible problems. Main solution is preventing the movement from agricultural areas to cities. If governments set up factories or business in rural areas, less people will migrate into urban areas. Moreover, possible population numbers should be considered while making a new city plan. New dwelling areas, bridges, schools and other infrastructures should be developed based on this new city plan and expected population rate. Lastly, public transportation should be promoted in order to decrease traffic jams.  
  
In conclusion, while there are several possible issues as many people move to cities, these can be solved by implementing measures mentioned above.
Ezgi, let's start the review of your essay with your grammar mistakes. That way you get to know what sorts of additional grammar study and practice material you will need to use in order to improve your written presentations.  
  
When using common phrases, be sure that you present these properly. For example, you used the term "searching a job" when the proper phrase is "searching for a job." You missed "for" as the determiner in this sentence. Be mindful of your spelling, MIs-spelling an English word can have a direct effect on your LR score. The word is "process", not "proces".  
  
As per the prompt requirement that indicates; "What solutions can YOU offer?" there is immediate evidence that you did not understand the prompt requirement, leading you to deviate from the proper prompt discussion. Where does this evidence from? You indicated in your prompt paraphrase, as part of your thesis statement / discussion instruction that; "... government can take steps to overcome the potential issues." In outline form, you can see the mistake better:  
  
Original Question: What solutions can you offer?  
Your Response: ... government can take steps to overcome these potential issues.  
  
Therefore, your essay will be considered only partially correct in response to the given task. The correct part is the statement of the consequences of this problem. The wrong response has to do with the solutions to the problem. The essay was asking you for a personal solution suggestion, not a government based solution. As such, your essay has missed half the proper discussion points for this essay and will be scored accordingly. You will be scored only for the parts that you responded to correctly, which means that your essay will then fall under the word count, causing points deductions for the shortness of your essay presentation / not meeting the minimum word requirement. Combined with your other grammar problems, I am not sure if you will have enough scoring consideration left to get at least a passing score for this type of work.
I am planning to take the IELTS test. Here is one of my essay. I really need to improve my writing skills in order to get the best preparation for the IELTS test.  
  
**## BUSINESS AND CULTURAL CONTACT

  
Topic: Some people think the increasing business and cultural contact between countries brings many positive effects. Others say it causes the loss of national identities.  
  
Discuss both sides and give your opinion**  
In modern society, the explosion of Internet plays an important role in our daily life as well as contacting business and culture between countries. The growth of commercial and traditional interactions between different nations all over the world have many beneficial influences while some people believe that their traditional culture will be lost. This is a controversial issue that requires further discussion before a specific conclusion can be reached.  
  
In the first place, some people are in favor of the idea that widening international exchange, both in fields of business and culture, have made a positive impact not only a nation but also its dwellers. Obviously, people from different countries will have mutual understanding and work together as a unique group. As a result, they are able to enhance education with a suitable program and broaden their horizon with latest technologies all over the world. For example, current dominant countries such as the United State, Great Britain, and Europe can give an opportunity to others economies to develop through training abroad students, providing welfare, exchanging scientists and teaching medical.  
  
However, others argue that traditional culture will be lost in the globalization of business and cultural heritage. Although traditional rituals are the essences of a nation, residents should open mind to the revolution of technology, commercial strategies, medical treatment and so forth. Actually, our world is changing day by day so that people should try their best to adapt to new and wonderful economies but still keep their own wholesome heritage. For instances, though many international corporations have invested in Viet Nam with novel strategies of business as well as foreign styles, local residents still have traditional culture such as Vietnamese dress, conical leaf, beef noodles,..etc.  
  
Conclusion, both views are true in some aspects when interactions in the domain of business and cultural between different countries are developed rapidly. From my perspective, governments should impose tighter regulations on commercial trading and traditional identities so as to protect national heritage.
**The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries.**  
**Discuss some possible reasons and suggest solutions.**  
  
## the escalation of youngsters crimes

  
  
Writing  
  
Nowadays, in many countries, the percentage of criminals who are under 18 has witnessed a dramatic growth. The lack of parental supervision and negative influences from other peers are identified as the root of the trending. Therefore, both parents and educators take responsibility to mitigate the dilemma.  
  
To begin with, inadequate control from family members can enable adolecents to inappropriate activities outside. It is explained that these days, parents tend to concentrate on making ends meet and working extra-hours. As a result, they are too hectic with their job and they barely have some leisure times with their children. Without guidance from adults, juveniles feel lonely and unloved, thus those pity teenagers will choose to socialise with other people outside as a way of escaping tedious scenarios. Consequently, adolecents will contact bad-influential peers, and they will be tempted to engage illegal activities, namely smoking, vandalisim and fighting.  
  
Parents and school authorities play a pivotal role to address the act of teenage crime. Firstly, parents are highly recommended to reduce working hours, in order to have more times with their sons or daughters. They should let their adolecents share his or her internal issues, and then co-oparating with them to overcome the adversity. In addition, parents can creat a warm phenomenon among family members, as well as teenagers by going for a picnic or going to a restaurant in the weekend. Secondly, teachers can propagate to students about what and what not to do, alongside organising more extra - curriculums in academic life.  
  
In conclusion, it can be seen that the escalation of youngsters who commit crime is resulted from the off-guardness of parents. However, there are some measures to tackle this issue, by cutting the amount of time working from parents and the propagandas from teachers.  
  
*Can anyone give me some feedbacks and band score for this essay? Thanks.*
Hi, I have some comments  
  
1. Nowadays, in many countries, the percentage of criminals who are under 18 has witnessed a dramatic growth. The lack of parental supervision and negative influences from other peers are identified as the root of the trending. Therefore, both parents and educators take responsibility to mitigate the dilemma.  
  
This is the best opening I've seen today. It is on point and task response is great. You can make it better:  
+ "are identified as the **root** of the trending": this is "too" perfect. I mean you are suppose to give possible reasons. So don't make it sound perfect, it is redundant and can pull your mark down  
  
+ "trending" is not a noun  
+ "Therefore, both parents and educators (should) take responsibility to mitigate the dilemma": You are suggesting solutions, so let's add "should". Also, dilemma is a tricky word, make sure you consult a good dictionary to understand what is means. For short, it means a bad situation where every choices are equally bad. See? You didn't use it right.  
  
2. "adolecents": you write it wrong, Microsoft Word could help you but try not to make such mistake. (I know it's a hard word)  
3. "inappropriate activities": This phrase is not remotely close to crime. Spanking yourself on the street could be inappropriate but is it a crime?  
4. "It is explained that ": Consider remove this thing, it add no meaning nor any information. It makes the reader confused.  
5. "concentrate": word choice. I would use focus. Focus and concentrate is not the same. The scope of focus is bigger. Concentrate is for small, specific task. Not very often they can be used interchangeably.  
  
6. "hectic": fancy word but don't use it wrong. Check examples in this: dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/hectic  
You can write a hectic day/week/month/schedule..... you can't write *He/she is hectic*. hectic is not for human  
  
That's just some of my thoughts. I may come back latter.  
Also, in my opinion, you can get band 6 for this. I'm not very sure about this.
Dear @sillyman2000  
  
I am quite impressed with the wide range of vocabulary that you used in this essay, however there are some confusion with your sentence. For example:  
  
If I were you, I prefer to write "... parents can create a joyful activities with their children in the weekend, for example by going for a picnic or going to restaurant together."  
  
teachers can propagate to ... not to do  
the propagandas from teachers.  
  
What do propagate and propaganda mean? I think you can choose a better word for this context, such as guidance/advice/etc  
  
Good luck!
Hi sillyman2000  
Here are my opinions about your essay  
  
1/ There are a lot of spelling mistake in your essay. For example adolescents; vandalism; operating. and so on.  
  
2/ You have repeated words often. I think it is necessary to avoid repeating words in an essay so make it sound smoothy.  
  
3/ Your ideas are not clear to me when I read it. For example, the 1st sentence of the 2nd paragraph, there is not supportive idea for that sentence and from the 2nd one, you started a new idea which is not related to the 1st one and till the end of that paragraph. Besides, so many ideas in one paragraph confuse readers as we need to figure out the connection between sentences.  
  
3/ I highly recommend stating the issues and the solutions in one paragraph to make it easier to follow the flow of the essay. For example, if you have two points and two solutions, it should be written in 2 paragraph and so on.
Hi everyone, I'm practicing IELTS writing task 2.  
  
## many skills are disappearing nowadays

  
  
**Could you please show me the mistakes about task achievement, coherence and cohesion devices, grammar and lexical resources in this essay? And which band score will I get with this essay?** Thank you very much.  
  
Here is the topic:  
"In the past, many people had skills such as making their own clothes and doing repairs to things in the house. In many countries, nowadays, these skills are disappearing. Why do you think this is happening? Is this situation true in your country?"  
  
ANSWER:  
It is perceived that many soft skills are disappearing in many certain countries. This essay aims to give the reasons for it and I think it is true in my country.  
  
The issue that certain practical skills are disappearing could be justified by several reasons related to useful applications and modern lifestyle. With regard to the former, people nowadays live under the high pressures of work, so they have to save their time as much as possible. Therefore, they outsource tasks to do their household chores with the support of many useful applications such as *Now* and *Airtasker*, which helps them to spend more time on other activities. The the second point to be taken into account is that children in the modern lifestyle spend most time learning academic subjects and using gadgets, so they do not have enough time to learn practical skills such as making their clothes and doing repairs to things.  
  
I think this situation is true in my country, which leads to advantages and disadvantages. Looking first at the beneficial effects, this trend helps people to focus on earning more money and creates " less desirable" jobs for other people. However, people, especially children, will not have the abilities to look after themselves, they become more dependent and consequently lack parenting skills in the future.  
  
In conclusion, practical skills are disappearing because of applications and modern lifestyle, and i think it is true that this trend is happpening in my country.