dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***The rate of crime committed by teenagers is increasing throughout the world***  
## Discuss the possible reasons and give suggestions on how to solve the problem.

  
  
The percentage of crime taken up by teenagers is remarked rising all over the world. Here is an essay aiming to illustrate the problems and find the solution.  
  
It is caused by many reasons both about individuals and societies. Because the teenagers always want to prove their abilities or value, the young man easily do some illegal things when they lose their mind, which leads to people prefer fighting against others rather than staying in harmony with others. In addition, the lack of public attention for them is a reason, for example, the knowledge about teaching teenagers how to control themselves is not enough whatever school and family supports, which causes teenagers to choose a crime way when they are distinguished by the world.  
  
But the public can solve the problems from original to the final by some methods. First and foremost tolerance treat the teenager who is first making a fault or crime, then help them correct the fault, because the second criminal heavily affects the growing rate of crime. What is more, the government should adjust the laws about teenagers, such as different punishments between teenagers and adults, and establishing some schools in jail. Last but not least if the crime is committed, teenagers can get forgiveness from the victim who was hurt by them, also helping the teenager change themselves.  
  
In summary, families, schools, and social communities, no one can forget the responsibility for teenagers' crime. It is better to cooperate helping teenagers grow into a person who can lead to a brighter future.
remarked rising all  
What made you use the word " remarked" ? That word is used incorrectly in this presentation along with more than several others which will result in failed scores for 3 categories:  
  
- Lexical Resource  
- Cohesiveness and coherence  
- Grammar Range and accuracy  
  
These repeated eorors, without even considering the lack of thesis statements, will be more than enough to ensure that you do not pass the test. The overall presentation does not carry an easy to understand presentation due to your unfamiliarity with English simple sentence structure and word formation. You need to understand that youcannot merely use word equivalents from your languageto English. Unless you choose the correct word, based on definition, your essay turns into this jumbled mess. Work on developing your vocabulary first. Then, familiarize yourself with writing simple sentences first. Make sure that the sentences you write will be easily understood by a native English speaker.
***It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.***  
  
## Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

  
  
Some individuals claim that any youngster can become a good sportsperson or music player whether they have talents or no talents. While some agree with this statement, I am, on the other hand, are against it owing to numerous reasons.  
  
Advocates of this idea present a few persuasive arguments. They believe that by practicing a lot and put a colossal effort into playing sport or music, a child with talents or no talents can eventually be good at it. For example, many exceptional sportspeople or musicians claimed that they succeeded not because they are gifted but because they practice several hours a day. Furthermore, advocates think that becoming a good athlete or music player does not mean that that youngster has to be the best. The child can be taught to play football so he knows how to drill balls and to shoot them well but he does not necessarily have to become an international or world-renowned footballer.  
  
On the other hand, opponents of the statement come up with some logical and realistic counter-arguments. To begin with, a child can easily give up a sport or a music lesson if he has no passion for it no matter how talented the teacher is or how much time he is forced by parents to practice. My friend, for instance, goes to piano lessons every day but she has no taste for it, and thus, she can never be a good pianist. Moreover, some untalented youngsters hate playing sports or music because they do not want to be a laughingstock before their friends. A child who sings terribly will inevitably be depressed when being forced to sing before her class.  
  
In conclusion, although there are persuasive arguments in both views, I still strongly believe that not all children can be taught to be a good athlete or a musician.  
  
*I would really appreciate it if you read my essay and point out any mistakes that I have made. Thank you in advance.*
The essay does not meet the formatting requirements. The prompt requires 3 reasoning paragraphs aside from the paraphrasing and summary conclusion. Your restatement is incomplete as it reflects only 2 out of 3 points of view for discussion. That means the discussion paragraphs should properly analyze:  
  
- The public belief that talent is born (reason provided and explained )  
- The public belief that talent can be trained and honed (reason provided and explained )  
- Your personal belife or support for one of the two public opinions  
  
Your discussion totally skips one of the public beliefs in your explanation. Your personal opinion is missing. Do not skip your fully explained understanding of the topic. The format must always be met for full prompt compliance. Again, always double check the writing requirements. Writing 300+ words, but failing to meet formatting requirements that are the basis of the C&C score will result in deductions rather than increased scores.
***Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest time of most people's life. Others believe that adult life brings more happiness, despite greater responsibilities.***  
  
*DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION.*  
  
As life is becoming increasingly fast-paced, many people struggle to lead a satisfying and fulfilling life. People's opinions vary whether the happiest life period of an individual is his or her teenage years or in the latter stage: adulthood. I believe that being a teenager gives more happiness and satisfaction.  
  
There are certain advantages along with responsibilities of an adult's life. Monetary freedom and living an independent life would be the main benefits of being an adult. With the ability to spend his or her salaries for different purposes without financial dependency compared to teenagers, an adult can acquire things that serve his or her entertainment purposes. Besides, most grown-ups choose to live independently, which means that they are no longer under parental surveillance. Therefore, adults can entertain themselves without worrying about money or their parents, such as partying all night long or organizing an exorbitant vacation trip. However, most adults have to provide a living for their family and assume childcare responsibilities. As a result, despite having financial freedom and independent life, most adults might not have enough time for relaxation, resulting in stressfulness and even depression.  
  
I would argue that teenage life is more enjoyable based on several factors. One reason is that teenagers are unconcerned about making money because it is their parent's duty to provide for the family's needs. Furthermore, the young can enjoy a carefree lifestyle because, after school hours, they have much more free time to enjoy their living by strengthening their relationships with friends or chilling by themselves, compared to adults who have less time to relax.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that teenage life is happier compared to adulthood based on mentioned reasons.
You have not met the discussion requirements. Out of the 3 required topic discussions, you only discussed 2 presentation aspects. Perhaps you forgot to double check the formatting requirements or, you just did not care about prompt accuracy. I am not sure what happened as you were writing this paper but, that doesn't matter at this point. you will recieve a lower score in the and because you failed to present all the required discussion viewpoints. Task accuracy is based on several factors. One of which is your ability to follow the discussion instructions to the letter. It is obvious that you had a problem doing that in this discussion presentation.
## Who should take responsibility in solving environmental problems?

  
  
Many commentators claim that environmental issues are under the responsibility of governments and large companies only due to the lack of power among ordinary civilians. While I believe that the lack of power is a reasonable excuse for this provoking topic, I believe that everyone should be responsible for the environmental damage.  
  
On one hand, as the power of civilians is scattered and insignificant, the key to the reduction of environmental destruction depends greatly on the governments and companies. Firstly, the government can enact laws to control the damage. They can pass a law that makes littering illegal or heavily fined. For instance, in recent years, the damage to the fauna in Vietnam rainforests has been reduced thanks to the modification of the law related to illegal poaching. Secondly, the government can co-operate with other countries, environmental organizations, and emergency funds. This kind of co-operation is incredibly effective in protecting the biodiversity of the country. For example, Vietnam is in cooperation with UNEP, an international organization that plays a big role in protecting our ecosystem. Thirdly, institutes can choose other environmentally-friendly ways to manufacture. Truly, factories contribute the most to pollution and other environmental issues. Company owners can use renewable energy sources instead of fuels, obtain gas emission treatment systems to reduce air pollution, ... As a result, our ecosystem would be much better.  
  
On the other hand, despite the lack of power, individuals have to be responsible for the world-saving campaign. To begin with, people should raise others' awareness of the environmental situation. Civilians should be acknowledged about the devastating result of environmental damage. For instance, students ought to be taught about environmental destruction and ways to protect the environment. Then, residents can join environmental communities to help protect the environment. Generally, volunteers participate in taking care of the surroundings, pick up trash and clean the roads. Moreover, they also raise funds for organizations. Hence, communal activities can save the world. Last but not least, civilians should be self-aware. Truly, no one wants the Earth to disappear because of their irresponsibility. For example, whenever litter is in sight, it should be thrown into the trash can. Therefore, the environmental issue can be solved.  
  
In conclusion, not only are the governments and companies responsible for protecting the environment, but also civilians should be self-aware in order to make our world healthy again.
Provide at least 3 sentences for the prompt restatement. Avoid using long sentences that combine 2 ideas in one. That type of presentation tends to become confusing, affecting the clarity of your paraphrasing, making it difficult for the reader to track the discussion. Do not use exaggerated wrd descriptions such as commentators and provocative topic. these change the discussion presentation in a manner that affects your version of the statement negatively.  
  
to reduce air pollution, ... As  
Incorrect punctuation usage. you cannot, under proper English grammar use rules ) Use 2 punctuation marks successively. This will result in a large GRA score deduction. Please review punctuation usage guidelines to help you avoid this and similar errors in the future.  
  
Your discussion focus is only on explaining your personal opinion over the paragraphs. You have not met the requirement that asks you to explain the public points of view via the use of 3rd person pronouns prior to your personal , via 1st person reference. Your presentation is not format accurate and will be scored down because of it.
TASK2:  
***An increasing number of people are choosing to watch international television shows and films.  
## Less nationally produced entertainment is being made each year.

  
What do you think is causing this trend and what are the potential effects for national identity?***  
  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experiences.  
  
Nowadays, the figure of people who enjoy watching international programs instead of national shows, which leads to less entertainment by film-maker annually. This essay is going to discuss this trend caused by many reasons and seriously affected national character.  
  
There are many obvious factors in terms of expanding knowledge and ensuring profit for entertainment companies. Firstly, the knowledge-implementing need about cultural foreign countries is necessary for revolution so people often pick up international channels to enjoy as well as study. For instance, if you watch BBC news, you can listen to many real and humorous stories and comprehend cultural behavior of different countries. More importantly, the producer predicted the needs of most people so they produced an outside-country program and limited funds for national ones to make more profit. When interests of people change, provider need to transmute old type into new type to caught in time tend age to exist in entertainment market.  
  
This trend influences considerably on national identity in many ways for different kinds of people. Firstly, it may be a positive sign for characters if people maintain cultural value when watching more international products. In other words, although they approach many different cultures, they still select and enhance valuable identity for friends in the world, which express patriotism, intelligence and creation of people. However, if people were over-interested in other countries, their national character would gradually fade and disappear.  
  
In my opinion, despite being only an entertainment type with a new trend that is quite suitable for circumstance today, it is formed from far-reaching reasons and affected deeply national identity. This trend can be taken into consideration as measure of character's judgement.
Nowadays, the figure of people ... national shows...  
Your restatement should have stopped at this point. she next part of this sentence is notpout of the original presentation. If you meant to presentthat a part of your response to the direct question, then you should have framed it as such rather than a port of the original prompt to avoid restatement Inaccuracies.  
  
Give reasons for your answer ...knowledge or experiences.  
This instruction is with regards to thesis statement. You prove that you understood the question through your direct response.-This direct statement of facts will portray your task accuracy in relation to the discussion topic. Note that you are not being asked to restate the instruction because the restatement ends with your representation of the topic and reasson. The thesis statement then sets the discussion tone for the 2 reasoning paragraphs.  
  
There are many obvious ... for entertainment companies.  
Such sentences are only paragraph fillers. Jask' reasoning paragraphs score better when establishing topic sentences are used at the start. These topic sentences are later on accompanied by transition sentences for C&C scoring purposes. Every sentence you use must quickly move your reasoning foward within 5 clear and understandable sentences.  
  
More importantly, the producer predicted the needs of most  
This is an example of an unrelated discussion topic. It created a lack of coherence in the paragraph. Always use a transition sentence that can connect the 2 topics. If these are not related, then the paragraph lacks development and cohesiveness in relation to coherence.  
  
In my opinion,  
Cannot be a part of the conclusion. You may use the phrase in the reasoning paragraphs since the whole essay is based on your personal opinion. The last paragraph should simply restate the discussion in summary form.
## In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people

  
  
In the present time in some nations, ownership of a house is more important than renting. My from of view, I reckon this comment above is a negative case to notions discussed further in this essay.  
  
Firstly, purchasing a home in some countries is extremely expensive resulted not suitable for a good number of people. Most of the well-paid, promising jobs or manual work have been located in cities, center industry especially in massive cities. In addition, those places are plenty of people who live in surrounding countryside move up cities finding suitable themselves work. Besides, inhabitation needs daily activities after working time, nevertheless, purchasing a home in big cities is difficult for the poor and under the middle class Because it requires a large amount of money. Instead renting the house is flexible and more convenient. Rental house fees are impossible with an underpaid and to pay for some filed such as take care of a family or advanced heath. For example, Singapore is a part of countries in Southeast Asia that is the most expensive about the standard of life. furthermore, the house produces which move up tens of thousands dollar.  
  
Secondly, a large amount of money is used to buy a home that can divide into many parts to service for several different goals. Each person in the community has their dreams or targets. Using all of your money buying a house that could make people give up passion. For instance, some young generations have some hope for going study abroad or traveling on the world with way use a part of savings and the rest for accommodation. Sharing the money into sections allows people to no spin out of control in life. In addition, decreasing under pressure for the problem has to have a house.  
  
All things considered, be the owner of the accommodation could not probably be suitable for many people, especially in low class in society. Next, the cost for purchasing a house is massively and divided the money into paying for some different things such as hobbies or heath
The prompt restatement is lacking. Where is the reasoning sentence? That would be a response to the question, " Why might that be the case?" Without it, your opinion does not have a solid and related discussion foundation. Always double check the restatement against the original. Make sure all aspects are covered. Otherwise, your TA is incomplete and will receive a lester scoring percentage.  
  
Kindly pay better attention to your sentence presentations and idea/reasoning clarity. The problems are mostly caused by the word formation of the presentations. There are also the time reference errorS that added to the problem. The reference is to a continuing problem so it should use active present tense. Buy to perform more sentence building exercises prior to your next essay task. Make sure that you can forum simple sentences properly and clearly. Perfect that first then moveon to complex writing sentence writing exercises. Proper sentence presentations are vital to passing these exams.
## **People living in large cities have to face many problems in everyday life.**

  
*What are those problems? Should the government encourage people to move to regional towns?  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.*  
  
*Answer:*  
  
It is undeniable that people's life has now been improved a lot in comparison with the past, especially in the cities. This, however, comes with a price, the downside of it is the emergence of various problems faced by city residents. For this, some suggest that the government can resolve the problems by recommending people to live in regional towns, but is this a feasible solution?  
  
It can be observed that city is a common choice for many companies to put their office, and this in turn causes the giant wave of people moving from rural areas to these employment hubs. Due to the large population in cities, problems have risen. The first very noticeable problem is the frequent traffic jams occurring in streets, especially at rush hours. As a result, people have to spend a substantial time of their day waiting in the streets, which wastes a lot of time. A second problem is the degradation of air quality in cities. The vast number of activities involving carbon dioxide emission, or any other gas emission in general, has contributed to the contamination of air in cities. Consequently, respiratory diseases are at extremely high rate among citizens in these areas.  
  
Judging by the bad effects, though a lot of solutions have been proposed, I believe the best way is to make the distribution of people in these area sparser. With this argument, I agree with the proposal of governments making their people getting to live in other rural areas. Although upgrading traffic construction, equipping vehicles with optimal gas emission, etc. can potentially reduce the mentioned shortcomings, they cannot be completely removed. However, if reduction in the number of citizens in the area occur, obvious results can be achieved, no money will be spent on renovation of traffic systems nor production of modern vehicles. Besides, people can have chance to get better privacy in comparison to its shortage when many people live in a same area.  
  
In conclusion, there are a lot of problems in large cities, and this can be thoroughly overcome if government take action to give terms to realize the migration of people from dense area to other sparse areas.
The essay is definitely too wordy and relies too much on repetitive prompt data rather than direct responses, opinions, and explanations. While you have presented the academic ideal of the discussion, this is not the type of format that allows for completion within 40 minutes with a focus on meeting specific scoring requirements. Be more precise, direct, and concise with your responses. There are direct questions to help provide the discussion path for your short essay, respond to it. Rhetorics have no use in the IELTS essay. There is no scoring component it can be applied to. It helps you melt the wordcount but does not add clarity or cokeane. transition sentences would have been more helpfuI towards your score overall. Just give swift 5 sentence responses per paragraph as quickly but clearly as you can. Relate one problem to the next for cohesion. While this is acceptable as an academic discussion in class, it is an overboard response for a task 2 essay.