dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## human activities are blamed for the heating up

  
  
**There is growing evidence that man-made activities are making global temperatures higher.  
  
What might be the man-made causes of temperatures rising? How should we deal with this problem?**  
  
Essay  
  
The rising of temperature on the Earth has been concerning in the modern world nowadays. It is evident that human activities are blamed for the heating up. This essay will point out the primary causes and the key to tackling this issue.  
  
To begin with, there are various factors that contribute to the sudden heating of the globe by humankind. Firstly, the exploitaion of forests over the decades is believed to be the foremost perpetrator. It is said that trees are the lungs of planet Earth, yet people keep taking out the timbers of trees for space demands and wooden needs. Consequently, less oxygen and cool air to be provided. Secondly, as the rapid advancement of industrialization, plethora of factories have been built. Aggravatedly, the smokes from the chimneys release to the sky excessively, which later gradually shatter the ozones and worseningly, the extreme shines from sun can readily reach out to the Earth.  
  
There are suggested solutions to address the dilemma. It is necessary to preserve the remaining forests on the Earth, as they are the indispensible components that offering green shelters. In addition, the governments should encourage their citizens to plant more trees in empty areas. Finally, as current natural resources heat up the temperature, discovering its alternatives is also an option. Wind and solar energy are great methods to be considered, due to its enviromentally-friendliness.  
  
In conclusion, tree cutting down and factories are mainly identified to cause the increase of global temperatures. Tree preservation and switching a new form of resources are introduced to resolve the problems.  
  
*Any feedbacks are all highly appreciated. Thanks.*
Hoang, this is a direct response essay. So your thesis statement at the end of the 3 paraphrased sentences should refer directly to the following information:  
  
1. What are the causes?  
2. How should the problem be dealt with?  
  
In a direct response essay, the paraphrased opening paragraph serves to aid the student by allowing them to present a discussion outline for their body paragraph presentations. You should answer the questions in the order by which these were posted in the original prompt. Now, when you start explaining connected reasons in one paragraph, as the questions asks about "causes" in the plural form.  
  
Do not count of by saying "Firstly" then "Secondly" because that makes your response appear as 2 separate ideas in the presentation. Instead, use a transition sentence between the last sentence of the first reason and the starting sentence of the second reason. You could say that " These events help to cause rapid advancement..." It makes for a more concise and clear paragraph presentation of several connected topics for discussion and also increases your GRA score because the transition sentence will always be a complex sentence presentation.  
  
I don't really see you using transition sentences in your paragraphs. Only topic sentence presentations, which don't really help in the presentation of a clear and understandable paragraph as these often lack explanations to help the reader understand the topic you presented for discussion in a better manner.
## economic development destroys the environment

  
  
*Topic: Some people say that economic growth is the only way to end hunger and poverty, while others say that economic growth is damaging the environment so it should be stopped. Discuss both views and give your opinion*  
  
In almost all countries, economic development has long been seen as the key to reducing hunger and poverty. However, economic development also simultaneously destroy the environment, so some people think it is better to stop economic development. I would argue that developing the economy and protecting the environment should be carried out simultaneously to ensure sustainable development of each country.  
  
On the one hand, one of the reasons which cause hunger and poverty is unemployment problem. As a result, it is believed that economic development can provide job opportunities for local people, therefore helping them have incomes to release from hunger and poverty. Indeed, the emergence of many new factories and industrial zones create a variety of jobs for local people. To develop the economy, modern machines and advanced technical science are used in many fields to raise quality and productivity of products, such as agricultural field. Relying on that, yields of crop plants and domestic animals have risen steadily, so ensuring enough food resource to supply for every people in case a famine occurs.  
  
On the other hand, economic development also produces negative effects on our environment. This makes people's life be seriously affected. Tourism is considered one of the measures to develop the economy of local areas. However, tourists who threw away litter into the sea, the land... pollute the sea or land environment so killing many animal specials. Toxin chemicals, harmful gases, wastewater... released from industrial factories contaminate water or land recourse, making citizens more susceptible to irreversible diseases including tuberculosis or lung cancer.  
  
In conclusion, the governments should integrate developing the economy with protecting the environment to obtain stable and long-term developments.
Hi thuhabk, hope that I can help.  
  
I guess you miss your opinion about 'developing the economy and protecting the environment should be carried out simultaneously to ensure sustainable development of each country.'  
  
Maybe try not to use ellipsis in your essay...  
  
Re the conclusion, try not to put any new idea or viewpoint there, so the statement 'the governments should integrate developing ...' could be put to your missing opinion I guess.
Hi Bui, you failed to address the prompt partially. The better version of the first paragraph would be:  
  
There is a discourse that relates to economic growth and social as well as environmental issues. Although some people advocate that fast-growing economy is the ultimate way to lift people from poverty and eliminate the hunger, others concern the negative drawbacks that might bring to the environment. This essay, I shall discuss both sides of view and present my own opinion at the end.  
  
Whatever the question that is asking you, you have to restate it in the first paragraph to let the examiner knows that you understand the prompt thoroughly.  
  
... reasons which causes hunger  
  
~~therefore helping~~ them have incomes to ...  
It helps them to have income and therefore, releasing them from hunger and poverty.  
  
Be careful about these minor mistakes as they have impacts on your final score in the actual exam.  
  
tourists who threw away litter into the sea, the land... pollute the sea or land environment so killing many animal specials.  
  
The tenses you were using is confusing the reader, and also, you should try to avoid any run-on sentence in your writing.  
  
Another part I would like to point out is that you did not offer your own opinion in the essay, which was essential in this type of discussion essay.  
  
Don't worry though, keep on writing and you will get better!
Hi Natasha, the question offers you the option to choose one of two responses. You either write a response that agrees with the argument presented or you write an essay that disagrees with the statement. You cannot write an essay that balances a "maybe" response because there is no "maybe" option in the essay. You cannot agree partially with both sides. That is not part of the equation. Choose only one of the two responses with which you develop your response. The reason that you need to pick one side of essay to respond to is because you are given the choice of "OR" in the statement.  
  
This essay, due to your lack of decision making in response to the question will most likely be considered a level 2 piece of writing. The reason for this is that you are using inappropriate explanations to support your response to the task.  
  
Don't get me wrong, this is an acceptable essay in terms of how you wrote it. The only problem, is that you did not appropriately respond to the task with a solid and convincing line of reasoning. You chose to not make a decision instead, which was the reason that your scoring was affected. When given a choice, make a decision. Pick one side to defend and stick to it in your reasoning presentation :-)
Please kindly give band score mark for my essay and suggestions in order to boost my score since i aim for band 7.  
  
**QUESTION**  
Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. **In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?**  
  
*Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience*  
  
## how the advancement of technology affected communication between people?

  
  
It is true that the advancement of technology in recent years has altered communication method among people across the world. Moreover, technology has influenced relationships in various ways. In my opinion, this phenomenon is truly a negative development.  
  
The improvement of technology these days has changed the way people interact with each other in either education and social life. Firstly, online learning website creates new possibilities for relationships between students and teachers. For instance, a student can now take video lessons with teachers in different city or county. Another fascinating feature of the technology is that the presence of a teleconference course which provide opportunity for students to attend the lecture given by a professor from another country. Secondly, the majority of people currently are using social networks like facebook to make new friend, find people who share common interests.  
  
However, the aforementioned advantages above can result in isolating people and discouraging real interaction among them. Virtual relationship is the obvious example for this phenomenon. This trend can be seen in our daily life when mostly the youths prefer to broaden their friendship in virtual way rather than in the real world. Consequently, the virtual relationship is becoming a subtitue for real friendship. On the other hand, there is still a shortcoming when the the student conduct a virtual learning is that they need to put a lot of attempts to master the given materials. It is because the online learning typically require a greater amount of reading and assignments than traditional classes.  
  
To conclude, today's sophisticated technology has allowed students to acquire more knowledge from unlimited learning sources as well as build their friendship network with every people in worldwide. However, virtual relationship and the online learning can lead to downsides that detriment for both education and social sector.Thus I stand by my opinion that it is literally a negative development to the human's life.  
  
(316 Words)
Hi Siti! Your essay have a clear structure. But I have a few suggestions:  
  
1. In the opening paragrph, you should have respond directly to the question "**In what ways** has technology affected relationship?" But you only said "technology has influenced relationships in various ways", instead of telling readers what the ways are.  
  
2. In your second paragraph, you put forward the two things changed by technology: education and social life, which I think is a brilliant way of narrowing the topic down. But you spent much more words explaining "education" than analysing "social life". This makes your paragraph seem less even. You may improve your essay by explaining the "social life" part more carefully.  
  
I am unsure which score to give, as I am not an IELTS Writing teacher. Sorry for that. But I hope my advice could help you and good luck with your writing!
Hi guys. Im about to take the test this August and I hope you can help me with this essay.  
  
## social networking sites are harmful?

  
  
*Topic: Some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individual and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?*  
  
There is a spreading belief that using social network has caused a variety of contradictory effects on the whole community. I firmly believe in the truth of this assertion and this essay tackles the most important reasons why.  
  
First and foremost, there is a high chance that individuals who intend to defraud the society can create a fake identity in order to attract naive victims. Without vigilance, children may be put into fatal situations. As an evidence of this, there have been many reports about young ladies who get kidnapped by men pretending to be trust worthy online. Not only do they put efforts to get the attention of ignorant girls but they also ask to meet them and then abduct them. Although this scenario has been a growing concern for parents, the case still seems to be inevitable.  
  
Furthermore, the prevalence of being addicted to networking sites has become a huge issue since they provide a diversity of up - dated news and an appealing opportunity to connect globally. Therefore, it can be a waste of time if the community isn't aware of how time - consuming and detrimental these sites can be. For instance, many students using Facebook or Twitter too frequently may experience a decrease in their grades due to the lack of studying time.  
  
Granted it is also true that social networking sites have widened knowledge and strengthened our relations, which allows us to make friends with anyone no matter what their nations are. Still, I would like to emphasize that without careful deliberation, this tool can precipitate a lot of troubles and be a waste of time.  
  
In short, although social networking sites have brought about a lot of benefits, their negative influence to the individuals as well as the whole community is more worth - noticing.
Hi chubby!  
Here's my advises related to your writing.  
  
1. This statement of your essay seems to indicate that you made an essay which is the disadvantage outweigh disadvantages.  
  
**Granted it is also true that... Still, I would like to ...**  
  
Moreover, in agree-disagree essay, we only discuss the reason why we agree/diasgree with the given statement.  
  
2. Conclusion should be consists of restates the thesis statement and your opinion.
Production off Co2 and other greenhouse gas has a heating effects on the atmosphere and results in global warming.  
Why global warming is considered one of the most serious issues nowadays.  
How can be solved?  
  
## CO2 and other greenhouse gases effect

  
  
In these days, global warming has been a top priority in many parts of the world, mainly caused by CO2 and other greenhouse gases. Although there are undoubtedly various problems of this trend, measures can be taken to address these potential consequences.  
  
Several related negative effects could be anticipated as the result of global warming. The prime issue is extreme weather events. An increase in average temperatures of the Earth would be expected to lead to extreme weather other than cold and heat weather. In other words, various natural disasters such as hurricane, earthquake, boiling drought and unpredictable flood would pose a threat to people. Another pressure would come from the extinction off endangered species. Forest degradation, as a result of global warming, can force animals and plants to be extinct because the shortage of shelters, food and water.  
  
It is imperative that concrete steps should be taken to combat this trend. Governments, especially world leaders of many developed countries should joint hand to conduct the best regulations and policies mitigating the negative effects of global warming and also reducing man- made disasters. For individuals, people can conserve electrical energy and minimize the emissions which is one of key factors resulting in global warming. It can be done by turning off the unused devices and taking advantages of public transports rather than their private cars.  
  
Overall, while adverse consequences are apparent, feasible measures can be taken to address this problem.
Hi. Good essay. However, there are several mistakes that you need to consider:  
- If I were to write your first sentence in your opening, I'd say: *"Global warming has been a major concern in various parts of the world and CO2 emission and greenhouse gas are the primary causes for this."*  
  
- Also your second opening sentence does not answer the prompt. I'd say: *Despite the various components that worsening the problems, there are introduced measures to address the consequences.*  
  
-*An increase in average temperatures of ...*. This sentence is not really clear. Maybe you're trying to say:*The sudden heating up in the temperatures is expected to lead to extreme weather patterns, either too cold or too hot.*.  
  
-extinction of~~f~~. Typo mistake I guess  
-~~world~~ leaders  
-"*... and policies to the negative effects ...*"
Tam, you have written only 240 words indicating that you are short of the minimum word count by 10 words. Expect to receive point deductions for this error. In an actual test, it could prevent you from getting a passing score. Mostly because there are also other errors that you made in the essay writing which further reduced your scoring consideration. For example, this is a direct question essay but you did not respond to the essay in a direct manner within the prompt paraphrase. Instead, you approached it as an opinion essay discussion. The difference between the two discussion methods are these:  
  
1. Direct Question - requires a response as part of the thesis statement at the end of the paraphrase  
2. Opinion essay. No direct response in the paraphrase, only an explanation of the discussion instruction is required.  
  
The method by which you approach the prompt paraphrase will have a direct and serious effect on your TA score. Your C&C score will be affected by the fact that in your paragraphs, you only offer reasons, but no explanations for each reason. Try to present and thoroughly support the reason with not only an explanation, but also an example to prove the line of reasoning you have presented.  
  
The concluding summary also does not find proper representation in this essay. You have a single line that does not summarize the given topic, discussion points, and suggested solutions, all of which are required for the composition of a concluding summary paragraph.
WRITING TASK 2  
  
**In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport.  
  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.**  
  
## A good balance between creating new and improving existing in regard of transport

  
  
Some societies in some regions believe it is required to invest massive quantities of cash on building new railway tracks for accelerated trains among many towns. The remaining people argue the fund must be spent on developing transport which still exists. Though the former may possibly bring a number of benefits, it is too false to spend money only on one need beside the other needs unequally.  
  
It is clear that the allocation of publics' money for developing the infrastructures of the routes for rapid trains which connect many cities has been allowing humans to get some benefits such as time efficiency on traveling, cutting the high cost trading system, and one of the most beneficial aspects is the reducing a number of traffic problems. Thus, all sort of these benfits have led to the increasing demands towards railways by massive number of the people.  
  
However, the demands do not appear with the sufficient number of the availability of the existing rail tracks. Then, because of that main reason, the governments around the world are forced to spend more expenditure on adding the number those vital lines. Therefore, the possible result that will emerge when governments approve this request is that the cities are likely to have equal improvements as opposed to others.  
  
Nevertheless, many people can not deny the importance of enhancing public vehicles owing to the fact that there a plenty of problems that stick on todays' public transports. For instance, the safety issues that scare people on using some of public conveyance have led many people to turn back to use their private vehicles again, because convenience is the main need for passengers when they decide to use the public transport. As the result, the cities will be more crowded if these problems still not be fixed. Undirectly, it is able to worried the stability of the economic sector in the affected areas.  
  
To conclude, although much of government expenditure should be directed to the construction of the new railway tracks for rapid trains between towns, spending money on improving the existing public transport is also required. A balance is needed to ensure the public services like this are preserved and remain available to all people.  
  
(369 words)
hi, I would like to give you some feedbacks. but first, because of my English is not good, I wish you will not be angry if my feedback sounds useless.  
  
In the introduction paragraph. you said -->> *Though the former may possibly bring ...* I think you should not write an opinion in introduction paragraph. better you write like this: *This essay will discuss about these point of views.*  
  
I think 369 words is too much. good essay should contain 260-300 words.
HI AWESOME! Here's some suggestion for your writing:  
  
1. You better eliminate ~~Some societies in~~ and directly say *some regions believe it is required to invest massive quantities of cash on building new railway tracks for accelerated trains among many towns.*  
  
2. Find another appropriate sentence rather than this **it is too false** as it sounds a little bit informal.  
3. Related to your first body paragraph -- basically paragraph comprises of 3-5 sentences, therefore a little revision should be made on this body.  
4. Overall it is a good essay, however i haven't seen your opinion in your essay which is what the essay actually asked you. Thus, you need to make clear that your statement is included in the essay.