dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
*These days, too many people maintain their health by relying on doctors and medicine, rather than by following a healthy lifestyles.  
  
To what extent do you agree with this statement?*  
  
## medical care protection

  
  
Nowadays, it is claimed that there are more and more people rather depend on medical care than look after themselves. I am totally agree with this point of view. As a student myself, I find that there are too many homeworks that I am lack of leisure time for another activities.  
  
The first reason is that people these days in shortage of time to take care of their health. Take the children in Vietnam as an example, they have to go to school every weekdays, from 7am to 5pm, some even have extra classes, and then at night they have to stay up late to prepare lessons for the next morning. Therefore, they do not tend to have enough time take part in some outdoor exercise, especially high school students. Not to mention the pressure of continuously examination, schoolworks and assignments.  
  
Another reason that people are dependent on doctor is that they seem to be indifferent to their own lives than ever before. There is an critical increase in the number of "workoholics" in the last few years. Morever, there are many cases that people have to go to the hospital just because they are over-working or having eaten too much junk food. In the same thing, it is common in Vietnam to see that teenagers or even adults spend hours playing computer games.  
  
In conclusion, the way people living these days are really concerned and this may become a crisis in some developing countries, where are in shortage of man to help the nation. The authority should take steps to improve the qualities of the people lifestyles.
@dolelongan  
  
As a reader I can see some grammar and spelling issues in your essay.  
  
ex:  
~~an~~  a critical increase  
~~Morever~~ Moreover  
  
and I personally believe that you should improve the sentence building skills.  
  
your essay given too many answers to the point of unhealthy lifestyle but not focus on the other part of the topic "people maintain their health by relying on doctors and medicine".  
  
This is my personal view. I too a learner, so please do not get offended.
## shared room adaptation issue

  
  
*You live in a room in college which you share with another student.  
However, there are many problems with this arrangement and you find it  
very difficult to work.  
Write a letter to the accommodation officer at the college. In the letter,  
· describe the situation  
· explain your problems and why it is difficult to work  
· say what kind of accommodation you would prefer*  
  
Dear Sir/Madam  
I am writing you to request a transformation of my accommodation to another room as a result of many problems I face in my current resident.  
  
The reason of my request is that I find it hard to adapt myself with my current colleague. He works late at night in order to pay his debts and when he comes back he starts studying until dawn. On the other hand, I start studying at noon while he is a sleep.  
  
Therefore, our arrangements are always different making sleep and studying an annoying and difficult tasks to do as it cause disturbance to both of us. He is obviously a nocturnal person while I am a diurnal one.  
  
I prefer to have an arrangement with a student that have a similar schedule of mine. So we can agree on our main times of sleeping and other main activities that will not cause harm to both of our systems.  
  
I am looking for your response at the earliest convenience.  
  
Yours faithfully.  
  
Adam Jhons
adam, don't use a dictionary to write letters like these. Using terms such as "nocturnal" and "diurnal" indicate that you actually looked up the terms to use in the letter. It makes the letter sound too forced and obviously, non-native speaking in terms of English. Use simple terms to better describe your situation. You should also make sure that you use the proper words to describe what it is you want to do. For example, a "transformation" means an act of transforming while a "transfer" is to move from a person, place, or situation to another. So you want to use the term "transfer" here. Also, you are requesting for a change in residence (place of living), you are the resident (person who lives in the residence). I can't believe that you bothered to look up the more advanced descriptive terms but you did not bother to confirm the meaning of the terms you used as descriptive in your essay. You will be scored down for each descriptive word you use in the wrong context / meaning.
Writing topic: *Discipline is an ever increasing problem in modern schools. Some people think that discipline should be the responsibility of teachers, while others think that this is the role of parents.  
  
Discuss both sides and give your opinion.*  
  
## schools discipline is non-existent

  
  
Currently, there are many news about the non-comply discipline which came from universities in Hong Kong. The discipline problems of our Hong Kong students should be seriously concerned by the Hong Kong society. However, the responsibility in terms of discipline should be focusing on the parents either their schools' teachers that also be a question.  
  
Most simply concept to think about the problem above I would like to say that the Hong Kong students were originally as same as the white papers and easily absorbed the standard of discipline from different media. Two most related media to them were their teachers and parents when they are at their young age. The discipline can be adopted whether in their lifestyle which related to their parents or the rules of their school that related to their teachers. Most of them mentioned above should be the same level of importance. So how can we say the responsibility of discipline should be unbalance to a bias for any one side of them? It is not fair.  
  
The role model of discipline should be cooperatively created by both parents and teachers. When their children are still young, they can teach them how to enjoy their lunch and dinner with polite manners, such as a buffet either self-service hot pot, discipline is very important to respect other customers. Even though they are waiting for the buses or minibusses, they also need to queue into a row with discipline. In the classes whatever primary school, secondary school as well as the university, they also are required to respect other classmates if those are listening to their teachers or lecturers. Shouting and eating strongly smelled foods in the classroom is a behavior with disrespectful to others. The lifestyle either the teaching class can actually change the discipline standard in minds of our students. Therefore, teachers and parents should be responsible to foster the high standard of discipline to their students and children respectively., no one should ignore it. Otherwise, the misunderstanding concept would be growth in their mind and affect their future.
Long, you will not get a passing grade for this essay. The main reason for the failure of your essay is that you show a lack of understanding of the prompt requirements. While this is an opinion paper. It is not solely a personal opinion paper. The prompt required you to discuss both points of view, as indicated in the original prompt topic, prior to your discussion of your personal point of view. Since you solely discussed your personal point of view throughout the paper, you failed to properly represent the TA section of the scoring consideration. Since the TA accounts for a large percentage of the scoring, since it is used to judge your ability to understand and execute English instructions, your failure to properly represent the prompt paraphrase and the actual discussion in your essay will result in a failing score for this essay.  
  
The essay is also improperly formatted as it has only 3 paragraphs when the requirement is 5 paragraphs. You posed questions in the essay which you were not able to properly respond to as a developed part of your essay. Your slant of discussion is nowhere near the required discussion. Therefore, there is no way that this essay can garner a passing score. Read the other essay samples at this forum for the Task 2 test. Familiarize yourself with the different prompts and response styles using the work of others as your guide. You should see improvement in your work once you do that.
*Every day, millions of tons of food are wasted all over the world. Why do you think this is happening? And how can we solve this problem?*  
  
## identifying the reasons of food waste

  
  
In recent years, food waste has been becoming an emerging issue around the world. Given that the problem causes some significant environmental impacts, identifying the reasons is key to finding the solutions.  
  
There are a number of reasons why this issue exists. First, a large of leftovers are thrown out into the environment every day over the world. as a result, this food can not disintegrate themselves, which contribute to global warming. Second, since each type of food has its own expiry date, after this date, food become inedible, they need to be disposed of. In fact, if people try to eat this food, they would get food poisoning, which makes them have to go to the hospitals.  
  
However, there are also a variety of solutions to diminish this problem. First, governments and corporations can produce other productions from food waste to use for many other better purposes. For instance, some nations have taken steps to turn organic materials from food waste into biogas, generating electrical power at very low cost. Second, by raising awareness of people about the food usage, it can improve this problem. For instance, if a person knows how to use food properly, he or she can decrease the leftover.  
  
In conclusion, even though food waste seems serious in today' s world, there are various ways to recycle it. Raising awareness and generating energy can be two of the most useful ways to tackle food waste.
Le, by not meeting the minimum word requirement for the essay, you will end up getting a failing score for each of the 4 scoring considerations. Therefore, you will not get a passing score for this essay. I do not wish to give you an actual figure for the failing score because I do not want you to focus on the failure but rather, on the points for improvement that will be pointed out to you.  
  
The essay was weakened mostly because of the way that you do not adequately develop your paragraph discussions. Don't discuss more than one topic per body paragraph because you lose major C&C points when you do that. The rule of thumb is to fully develop a paragraph through the presentation of a topic sentence, 2 reasons (if possible), then an example at the end of the paragraph to better illustrate the explanation. This should not be more than 5 sentences. The 5 sentence rule stands for all paragraphs. You cannot write only 2 sentences, you have to write the minimum of 3 sentences at all times.  
  
Your opening paragraph has potential. The problem, is that you did not adequately develop the prompt restatement. Which is why the rest of the essay fell short of expectations. Here is a sample of a more definitive opening statement for an IELTS task 2 essay:  
  
*On a typical day, people waste over a million tons of food. This is a problem that is caused by several reasons. Based on these reasons, possible solutions may be suggested. This essay will cover the possible causes of the problem along with a presentation of possible solutions.*  
  
Don't focus on the mistakes you made on this essay. This is your chance to learn from your mistakes and also, learn from the work of others. Don't forget to check the similar discussions list also so that you can gain valuable pointers that can help you improve your essay style.
## What It Actually Means to Be a Good Person

  
  
What do the words good person mean to you? There are many different kinds of people around the world. Some are friendly and some are confident. However, it is very hard to look for someone that we can identify as a good person. In my opinion, there are several personalities of people, but two important qualities are being faithful and being kind.  
  
One of the greatest qualities a good person need is being faithful. First and foremost, a trustworthy person is someone we can count on no matter what. For example, a good person is a person with whom you can talk to and trust with your secrets, they won't open their mouth just for fun of it because they respect you. Furthermore, a trustworthy person will never lie to each other. Another point of being a faithful person is responsible. For instance, as a responsible member of the family, they will take care of whenever they go far away will always worry for the family members. Namely, with a friend relationship, a good person will never penny wise pound foolish, keep a promise, Apologize when you've made a mistake.  
  
Being a kind person is another necessary quality of a good person. Firstly, a good person is someone who has a warm heart. For instance, he or she will give love to people around by they share their couple with virtuous and kind actions such as doing charity, donate money to poor people or taking care of old people in care homes. Moreover, becoming a volunteer can help community life is improved by aiding others and helping hands like joining green summer program. Secondly, caring for each other is a way to build a good character too. For example, when your friend or your family are in a bad situation, a good person can give useful advice to them to help them solve the problem. Namely, Help your friends deal with their struggles and support emotion when they are in bad mood.
Phuong, if you are writing this essay only as a part of your English vocabulary development, then you have done a good job. If you wrote this essay in order to practice your English flow of thought and sentence presentations, then this is also an acceptable paper. There are a few grammatical errors here and there, but nothing that would affect the clarity of your presentation nor would it impede the understanding of the reader. The essay shows that you have taken great care in thinking about what you wish to say and how you wish to say it. You have proven to have the ability to explain yourself quite well in the language. Your skills, based upon this essay, should be considered intermediate at best. I am not sure if there is anything specific you want me to comment on or critique which is why my review is based on the general presentation of the essay. I hope it helps.
@cmartinez13  
  
You have written an engaging paper. Start was very interesting when you provided a situation and explained the idea of student load and debt in a way of storytelling. That inspiring story of waitress and her struggle added value to the text.  
  
Whole economy of student loans and their contribution to society and business and financial institution was well supported by giving example of government policies.  
  
over all it was a good essay which started on an interesting note and explained well in details.  
  
Keep it up !!!
Claudia, this is not the sort of essay that is helped by telling a fictitious anecdote at the start. Rather, you should be opening this with a personal insight into what a student loan means to the students of today. This is an issue that directly affects you as a student. Therefore, the opening statement will best be served by a personal point of view, leading into a solid thesis statement at the end of it. As with all academic essays, the opening paragraph must represent a clear thesis, which is currently lacking in your essay, without using an in-text citation. The quotes should start at the second paragraph onwards. In a related observation, you cannot close the essay with an in-text citation either. The closing paragraph should either summarize the points you made in the essay or offer a final opinion on the topic previously discussed. Paragraph 4 also seems to have some definite information that is taken from other sources, but isn't acknowledged in the text. You need to make sure that you do not omit the proper referencing in your essay. There are certain instances when the essay seems to be repeating information or tries to overextend a paragraph. Since this is an academic research paper, you may want to consider being less wordy and more direct to the point so that the reader does not have any sense of boredom set in while reading your essay. Use the story that you created somewhere it can relate to a specific point of view or information in the essay to break the monotony of the presentation.
nilakshi, I am going to have to be straight with you about the quality of your writing in this CBEST essay, it cannot score higher than a 1. That is the only score that can be given to this essay because of several reasons:  
  
1. All the paragraphs lack cohesiveness and cohesion.  
2. The presentation is seriously flawed all the ideas remain unclear and ineffective.  
3. There are confusing details in the essay such as you making a claim that you passed the CBEST on your second take and yet you have just told me that you failed this test twice. So this will be the third take which means you have not passed the CBEST twice right?  
  
4. Your word choice is often incorrect which shows that you need more work or more classes as an ESL. Your grammar problems are numerous enough for me to believe that you need to further improve your English skills before you attempt to take the test a 3rd time.  
  
5. You have serious difficulty in sentence development , mechanical conventions, and paragraph presentations. There is simply a lack of clarity and accuracy in your paragraph presentations.  
  
I will however, commend you on properly understanding the prompt and trying to deliver an appropriate response. The problem, is that you are incapable of properly putting together an understandable English sentence / paragraph at this point. You will do well to attend more English language classes starting at the beginner level so that you can fully understand the rudiments of English sentence and thought development prior to your attempting to use the language in written form. The only paragraph that was properly developed in this essay are numbers 3 and 4. Since those are your strongest presentations, you should think about what you did that resulted in the clarity of thought and message located in those paragraphs.
Thank you @ Holt for giving feedback. I have not passed the CBEST test yet, but it's just for essay purpose I wrote since it really hurts when I get my result. I will try to write every day and post. I am looking for English tutor as well but it's very hard to find. I know ESL classes in library and places like that but I thought it's for those who can not speak English at all. I am so disappointed but will work hard.
## to get rid of depression

  
  
In recent years, depression is becoming increasingly common. Three bad influences that it can bring about are listed as follows:  
First, people suffered from depression are often in bad moods, which may lead to conflictions among people. Second, they are less likely to be engaged in out-door activities than normal people, which are conducive to them both physically and mentally. Third, depression is a leading cause for people's committing suicide. Millions of people lost their lives because of it.  
  
For self-help, there are many methods that they can take to get rid of it. Keeping smiling is the first step, for 'Smile is the cure to all diseases.' Moreover, chatting with others is another good method, because great power can be conveyed through it.
邱晨 , I am not sure what the purpose of your paper is because you did not post your full research for our review. So I can't comment on the content of your essay, but I can comment on the presentation. It has several problems that mar and otherwise promising research paper. The first problem with the essay is your tense usage. You need to be consistent. Since you opened the statement with a reference to past years, then the succeeding information presentation must follow the same time frame reference. Next, you need to work on your sentence development skills. Your sentences are improperly developed and has obvious problems in reference to past, present, and future action references. If you use an online free grammar checker, these problems can be spotted and immediately corrected. If you use Word 2016 to write your paper, those mistakes would be automatically corrected as well. Basically, this paper has potential in terms of being informative and helpful. The problem is that the reader will have a hard time understanding what you have to say because of the errors in sentence and thought presentation. As I said before, these problems can be easily resolved using the proper apps.
Your points are well and good but you need to add more details to support your points.  
  
I suggest you plan out the structure of your essay and determine the aim of your essay. Are you writing this essay because you want others to be informed more about depression and how it affects us or are you writing because you want others to know how to deal with their depression?  
  
Here is a sample of how you can structure your essay with the aim of informing others about the influences of depression.  
  
INTRODUCTION:  
  
You stated that depression is increasingly becoming common. Introduce what is depression and what certain groups of people are prone to be diagnosed with it. Why don't you add statistics like ones concerning the rise in the number of people diagnosed with depression last 2017 vs. the number of people with depression in 1997 or something?  
  
FIRST PARAGRAPH:  
  
You introduce the first influence. Research more on studies explaining why people with depression tend to have bad moods. You should elaborate more on how these bad moods stemming from depression can inflict harm on connections with other people.  
  
SECOND PARAGRAPH:  
  
This time, you introduce the second influence. Research and elaborate more on why the depressed are less likely to engage in outdoor activities. I think you should also add in that depressed people are also less likely to participate in social activities as well. Compare people with depression to people who don't have depression so that you could give out examples of how this fact can harm the depressed.  
  
THIRD PARAGRAPH:  
  
In the topic of the third influence, consider using statistics and comparisons to support your point. Research on the analysis of suicide rates and what certain groups of people are likely to try suicide.  
  
FOURTH PARAGRAPH:  
  
You can give out how to deal with depression here. Consider more research on this topic because depression is something you can't easily get rid of. It takes healing.  
  
FIFTH PARAGRAPH:  
  
Make a conclusion. Explain why people need to be informed more about depression.  
  
I hope this helped you.  
  
Good luck~