dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## foreign language in the elementary education

  
  
**Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school.  
Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?**  
  
A massive number of educational experts on opinion that the proper time to start learn an international language for children is when students have joined elementary school. Yet, there is people argues that it will distort pupil's playing time, it has more benefits that linked to their memorial abilities.  
  
First of all, some of parents claim that their children lack of free time due to applying foreign languages to primary school curriculum. The children tried hard to understanding with new vocabularies after back to home and it take much of idle time. Unfortunately, it impacts to health condition of them, several of them are getting injury and decrease their performance over learning time. Thus, to avoid a serious illness, this lesson should be taught in secondary school.  
  
On the other hand, it has been known generally that young children have good skill to remember. Moreover, assimilating foreign language from primary school has huge benefit because learning other nation languages children need to memorize some of basic materials such as word of days, alphabets, verb of daily activities, as well the way to pronounce sentences properly. Then, learn languages early children will obtain strong basic to continue to advance level. In addition, having good foundation about international languages will support elementary school students to get bright future, like my friend in university who has excellent skill in English and Arabic language got many opportunities to join international events.  
  
To conclude, teaching students of elementary education about one of international languages is really helpful as them have strong memorial abilities and will give them wide chances to explore world.
@Ali20  
Hi. Thanks for being back again. I hope this one will give you insight on your writing.  
  
The first paragraph appears to be alright. What is lacking here is a conclusive thesis statement that'll incorporate what direction your essay will be tackling in the upcoming sections.  
  
Furthermore, the second paragraph needs to incorporate the same level of conciseness. You need to be able to avoid repetitive words. When you find yourself repeating a lot of insight over and over, try to restructure your paragraphs a bit more.  
  
Lastly, the conclusive remarks also lack that sense of completeness. Typically, this portion should consist of three to four sentences that will summarize and give your final verdict regarding your stand on the topic. Bear this in mind.
## Number of marriages and divorces in the USA

  
  
The two bar charts below illustrate the statistics between marriages and divorces rate and marital status of adult Americans ratio from 1970 to 2000.  
  
Overall, the rate of marriages outweighs the divorces within that period of time. Meanwhile, it is crystal clear that the proportions of married Americans is stand at the greatest amount compare to the others' categories.  
  
Having the exact figures, the total quantity of marriage reached the same level between 1970 and 1989,which is occupied 2.5 million. However, begins from 1990, the number tends to dwindle from approximately 2.4 million to 2 million until 2000. At the same time, the trend of divorces is upward from 1970 to 1980,which is from 1 million to roughly 1.4 million. Nevertheless, it decreased slightly from 1980 to 2000.  
  
The second bar chart displays the ratio of marital status of adult Americans. Compared to the married Americans percentage, the others of marital status are strikingly less. It is exceedingly apparent that the least amount is located in 1970 of divorce rate,which is rarely reached 2%.  
  
*
@roswita116  
Hello! Thanks for being consistent in the forum. I hope this feedback somehow helps you with your upcoming IELTS!  
  
The first paragraph is decent. Because of how coherent and straightforward your writing is, it has made it a lot easier for the readers to digest the information. This is great.  
  
Furthermore, I find that the usage of certain words can be unnecessary for other parts of the text. Consider, for example, the second paragraph. The second sentence appeared to be a little bit excessive - more than what how it should have been. Bear in mind that small mistakes such as this can crossover to the entirety of the text.
## access to the defendant's past criminal record

  
  
It is obvious that past events play an inevitable role in understanding certain motives for committing crimes. In British and Australian laws, however, there is no consideration about past criminal record, which evokes an argument from some lawyers who support taking this aspect into account before coming to the conclusion. Personally,I totally agree with the call for changes in these two nations' policy.  
  
First and foremost, investigations of the crimes committed in the past provide deeper insights into the defendants' progress. A person who was once sent to prison for his act of violence is more likely to get involved in illegal fight, judging on his natural instincts and personality orientation. The more we understand about an individual's past, we bigger picture we can depict and therefore make a better decision for not missing any important possibility.  
  
Secondly, past-based judgements help the authority to come up with appropriate approaches to deal with the criminals. It is clear that many crimes are committed due to social and family background, which have an enormous impact on a person's behavior and attitude. People who were treated badly and poorly educated as a child tend to act less modernisedly than those receiving proper care. Acknowledging the past criminal record can therefore raise the questions of the effectiveness of applied methods,together with providing education and rehabilitation policy that work for them.  
  
Considering and analysing past events can take a huge amount of time and effort, but eventually increase the acuteness of decisions and possibility of more suitable dealing approaches. Therefore, it is vital for Britain and Australia to change their laws to guarantee a full-development program for criminals and a sustainable future for the society.
@athachng2002  
Hello. Thanks for being back again! I'm here to give feedback on your writing.  
  
Firstly, well-done on the first paragraph. It was smooth, and yet it also had integrated proper information that are necessary to build up on. I commend this.  
  
What you do need to work on is actively trying to minimize run-on sentences. If we take a look at your second and third paragraphs, it's quite prevalent how cluttered some sentences are. Use appropriate punctuation at all times, and ascertain that you are not adding unnecessary details that take up the bulk of space. Remember that every word counts when you're writing these types of essays.
***Topic :  
## It is better college student live in schools than student with their parents.

  
## Do you agree or disagree?***  
  
Certainly, many students are faced with the dilemma of whether to live in school or live at home with their parents. From my point of view, living a school is the best choice for most students. The essay discusses the advantage the students when living in schools can easily access documents and independent yourself.  
  
First of all, living in school can help student myself develop a sense of self-reliance. Therefore, they may acquire the skills necessary for self-reliance ranging from financial management and problem-solving skills, all of which are essential to foster the all-round development of students. Finally, living in school would help students become more independent since they have to live far away from their family and take care of themselves. For example, they have to do chores, learn how to protect themselves.  
  
On the other hand, there are private benefits of students choosing living in schools such as easy access to many resources documents in the fastest way. If students dwell right in university, they will be able to approach the library and other information that are readily available at school every time they want. Taking a study session in the library will help to gain a great deal of knowledge and access many documents. For example, many students can search documents quickly through the use of computers or finding documents for majors take any time.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that adapting to live in school would bring real benefits for students to remain high in the future. It helps many students to develop a sense of self-reliance and easy access document. Moreover, that can be students help more mature in their life with a new environment and achieve great success in doing study.
Hi @noname12,  
  
Basically, I think you should work more on grammar and vocabulary. There are many repeated words like "Access document" "themselves" "living in schools" or even linking words like "for example".... and you can possibly find other ways to express them. Moreover, you made some grammatical mistakes, such as "..." This should be corrected into:" when living in schools helps students get easier access to documents and learn to live independently."  
  
Some linking words are used inappropriately and mechanically. You don't need to begin with "For example" to introduce an example.  
  
The last thing, but the most important one, is you should learn to develop your ideas. Just have a look at the 3rd paragraph. I don't think I can get more information if I continue reading the 3 supporting sentences. You mention the library and computers, which is specific but not enough.  
  
I hope my advice can help you somehow. Good luck :D
## dealing with environmental pollution

  
  
*Some people think that environmental problems should be solved on a global scale while others believe it is better to deal with them nationally.  
Discuss both views and give your opinion.*  
  
<------->  
  
People who think that environmental problems should be solved on a global scale are right to a great extent because global warming is an environmental hazard whose effects are faced by the entire planet and not just one nation. Nations should join hands together in this venture and take measures to stop polluting the Earth's land and waters. The rising temperatures have been witnessed all over the world and is a cause of concern that needs countries to work towards solving the issue together. People in support of global eradication of environmental issues think it's the only way to key to having a clean, green planet.  
  
The other group of people is of the opinion that environmental concerns should be met nationally. Every country has its own set of environmental issues. One country might be faced with the problem of extremely polluted air and dying lakes and rivers, while another's main cause of concern might be rising temperatures, so their approach to dealing with their concerns would also be different.  
  
While finding a solution on a national scale seems to be a more practical approach that makes things more possible to work out, it must be understood that environmental issue is not a problem limited to one country. There are countries who have zero carbon footprint like Bhutan, but that doesn't imply that they are free from the effects of global warming and other environmental issues. Countries suffering from severe pollution and countries having cleaner air are both faced more or less by the effects of global warming. Therefore, I am in favour of getting rid of pollution and dealing with environmental concerns on a global scale.  
  
<------->
@jacgomes  
Welcome to the forum, dear. I hope this feedback serves you well in your IELTS. You can always come back for more if you are interested in more input on your writing!  
  
I suggest to keep the introductory sentence smooth and concise. Bear in mind that it is critical that you have a graduated approach to writing, especially when you are introducing new terminologies and topics to your readers. The first sentence should not be lengthy - rather, it should be straightforward and clear in its delivery.  
  
Aside from this, the second paragraph needs more grounding in reality. While there was nothing inherently wrong with your writing here, a huge cluster of the text did not have proper examples to back it up. I would recommend that you fix this through incorporating more value into your writing. Use examples that are specific to a situation, location, or context. The more that you can describe your example in detail as if it played out in the real-world, the better it is for your writing.
## How the movies or televisions influence people's behaviour?

  
  
It has been a while since television has become popular, even nowadays, it has a great impact on human's lives. Beside giving us knowledge, it also influence people's behavior and whether its effect is good or still a matter of debate. I partly consider that there are some channels displaying some thing in bad ways.  
  
First of all, films and televisions provide society with a lot of negative role-models, which many people are willing to emulate. They often imitate some bad tricks from TV with action movies especially children who are too young to decide what is right so they are easily influenced in bad ways. Second, spending too much time in front of TV makes us less active. Looking at films is a passive activity that affects badly to our mental and physical health. We stop using our own imagination when we see things acted out for us. Last but not least, televisions also makes us become irresponsible. Many people can neglect their jobs ans watch films or some programs instead. Many students fail at their examination because they get addicted to watching movies. They are more interested in television's programs than studying that leads to their weakness in achievements.  
  
Despite all of the negative influences, watching through screen has positive impact on our behavior. These programs are not always bad, from which, we can learn some manners, values, and many other things. We can learn how to be polite, how to keep patience, how to handle problems based on what programs have taught. Moreover, the main idea of watching TV of majority of people is to obtain information to get a broader window of the world. For instance, seeing movies can expose us to people of different races and cultures. Besides, TV or movies is considered as a mean for us to reduce anxiety. By enjoying interesting films, we can escape our own pressure for a little while.  
  
In conclusion, televisions and movies can affect us either in a bad way or in a good way, depend on people's respond. We have to learn to decide what is good and what is wrong from TV programs, otherwise, we can be influenced in a bad way.
"...channels displaying ~~some thing~~ *things* ..."  
And I believe you should give a summarized opinion in the last sentence of your opening paragraph. Since you talk about both bad and good influences in your main body, it's not appropriate to just point to the "bad ways" here.  
  
"Moreover, the main ~~idea~~ *purpose*of watching TV ~~of~~ *for* *a* majority of ... information ~~to get~~ *that gives* a broader ..."  
  
Too many "of" and "to"s in this sentence. You can try different prepositions or small clauses to make your sentences more diversified.
## what laws to recycle more of waste

  
  
*Some people claim that not enough of the waste from homes is recycled. They say that the only way to increase recycling is for governments to make it a legal requirement. To what extent do you think laws are needed to make people recycle more of their waste?*  
  
Some argue recycling waste from home is part of individual duty. However, Legal regulation is thought by some as the only way to rising awareness of people to do recycling as well as discipline the society sorting their waste.  
  
To encourage society's awareness in recycling their waste, the government need to take a part to support it by releasing formal requirement which should be followed by all. It might be hard to deny when government set the regulation, society will more obey to conduct it since there must be punishment or charge will follow as consequences, and it encourages people to behave and discipline to implement the regulation and make it as new habit which is beneficial not only for themselves but also for others. This behaviour leads to decreasing waste and reuse materials which can be recycled especially like plastic which need hundred years to be absorb by nature.  
  
Furthermore, building a recycling facility demands a huge investment, big land and open space for waste collection which seems hard to do without support from the government. Although society and NGO work together to undergo the project, their operational will be restricted without government involvement. In this situation, law is needed to simplify the bureaucracy and procedures showing government support in reducing household waste and environmental issue impacted by residential waste.  
  
It can be concluded, many aspects support government to regulate for waste recycling such as increasing awareness of people and make them discipline unless the punishment will be applied. Furthermore, big capital and land support should be facilitated by government through its law.  
  
264 Words
Please help me to check about vocabularies,grammar,and sentence structures in this essay,thank you so much  
  
## Percentage of Austrlian men and women doing regular physical activity in 2010

  
  
The given graph depicted data on the percentage of Australian people who attended to muscle building exercises follow different genders and ages in 2010.As can be seen, there was a considerable variation between male and female figures over the periods of 40 years. In details, the female quantity had tendency to do exercises much more than male quantity from 25 to 64 years old, after the age of 65 and over, there was a likely equivalent about the proportion of male and female people who enjoyed sporty activities.  
  
Before 24 years old, the rate of male figure was higher in comparison with female figure in sporty activities by almost 5 percent. After the age of 25, the number of man experienced a slight downfall from 42,2 percent to 39,5 percent at 35 years old. Over the period of 20 years after age of 35, it showed a significant upward trend from 39,5 percent to 45,1 percent.  
  
Meanwhile, the female proportion witnessed a dramatic growth from 48,9 percent to 52,5 percent between 34 and 45 years old. And it reached highest level at the age of 54,at 53,3 percent. However, from 54 to 64 years old, it remained stable, whereas, male proportion increased slightly to 2 percent at this period of age. In general, after 65 years old, it experienced a steadiness between male and female figures.  
  
*
@Tony999  
Hi, welcome to the forum! I hope that this feedback helps you as you are learning for the test.  
  
Firstly, try to restructure your sentences in a way that would restrict less your writing. When we take a look at your first paragraph, from the get go, there's that immediate understanding that you lacked prioritization and usage of punctuation. You don't necessarily always have to comply with a standardized writing approach. Instead, what you could have opted for was a more subtle glance to the topic.  
  
As I always tell others, prioritizing information is critical when writing. The first paragraph already had too much bulkiness in its overall content, causing the readers to perhaps be confused with the delivery. What I primarily suggest is trying to stick with what you think is important. You don't necessarily have to mention all of the small details that are in the graph; you need to create a more concrete analysis that's based off of them.
## production of the world's oil

  
  
The chart depicts the forecast increase in world oil production. Overall, it can be seen that the barrels of oil were produced the most from Non-OPEC and OPEC Middle East respectively in two periods, while OPEC Middle East is expected to produce the most barrels of oil from 2010 to 2020. It should also be noticed that the total production of gas increased from 1980 to 2010, whereas it is expected to experience a slight decrease over the next 10-year period.  
  
In the context of the highest oil production over the period, Non-OPEC produced approximately 7 million barrels of oil from 1980 to 2000 and 8 million barrels of oil were produced from OPEC Middle East, while it is expected that OPEC Middle East will produce 17 million barrels from 2010 to 2020.  
  
When considering the total number of oil barrels, during the first 20-year period it is about 12 million and increased by 50% to 18 million between 2000 and 2010, while the total production is expected to decrease slightly by 5% to 17 million barrels from 2010 to 2020.  
  
*
@s410377088  
Hi, there. I would like to advise you some tips about your IELTS writing.  
  
1. Be more specific. (Eg:Overall, it can be seen that ... "in two periods"---which periods?)  
  
2. Be careful of repeatness(eg: use too many times of" .....while(whereas)...." structure, try to write it in another ways.)  
  
3.Be careful of your grammar(eg:a "slightly" decrease, not a slight ...)  
  
Hope these tips may help!😁😁
## ielts general training-line graph

  
  
The line graph illustrates the amounts of waste produced by three companies over a period of 15 years. It is evident that The percentage of wastes of which the place saw a rapid change. Both companies A and B followed by the downward trend as oppose to the tones of waste in company C was rose considerably  
  
Note: please give me a comment about my overview about line graph.  
  
*
@vancandoit  
Hi, there. I would like to give you some advice about your introduction and overall. 😁  
  
1. Use synonym to paragraph question.(eg:company=corporation, amount=quantity)  
  
2.Give at least 2 main features (the most or the least) to write your overall. As I can see your overall, you just provided one feature. As a second feature you can write down that company A and company C converge toward each other around 2013.  
  
Hope this would help !😁