dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Jade, please remember that we require all of the participants at this forum to post the original prompt that you are responding to along with the essay that you wrote in response to it. That is because we require the background of the essay in order to asses your essay based on the 4 scoring criteria. In this instance, I cannot judge the accuracy of your essay in response to the original prompt so the best that I can do is give you a general review.  
  
Your overall presentation is sound. The sentences in the paragraphs transition in a good manner, indicating a well thought out process of drafting and writing the essay. You presented a strong argument using public opinion and information. However, I am not sure as to whether you accurately portrayed the prompt requirements. Due to that missing information, I can only say that you did a good job in writing this essay but I cannot assess it completely for a possible score or compliance considerations.
help me to check my personal statement  
  
I would like to elaborate myself as a very determind learner. I have successfully completed my national examination and practical with a scoring 85% and 80% respectively. Academic skills have been a crucial consideration to me and I have a good understanding of them. As a result I have a special interest in reading. I love read many kinds of books or articles. There are lots of topic to read not only schoolbook but also news, literature and many others. In contrast, the quality that I like the most about myself is not only my passion in education but also in social charity. It is started when I was junior high school and continues until now. I joined a huge variety of organization such as KSPAN (group of students who is anti-drugs), TAC (take action community), part of biology club and member of child's ambassador 2016. At present, in university organization I actively socialize that everyone has the same authority in the wolrd. Based on some organization that I joined i also love to share my knowledge to my family, friends and society about healthy life and the dangers of drugs from what I learnt.  
  
Since I read article about human right and policy woskshop in the internet. I really excited to become member of this workshop. Because I can learn more and expend my knowledge about crucial issues especially human right, drug, sexuality and public health. As a student I really take seriously its role in assisting individuals who regard themselves as having an issue related to human rights, use of drug and being health. In addition, government in my country is commited to against drugs and to providing a healthy environment conducive to the society. However, there are still lots of incident about this problem yet. Furthermore, drug and sexuality ensnare all people who falls including children, adult and women indiscriminately and many adolescent abuse drug and become victims nowadays.  
  
As a teenager this workshop is relevant and a good opportunity for me because I can engage my friends and exemplify my social environment to become a helpful young generation. I have strong belief that I could provide myself to be more active to suggest among teenagers by many ways. One of the effectively method is by social media. Many people especially adolescent these days spend almost a whole day in the internet. Social media is one of the biggest users with more than thousand people active in it. By this workshop I would like to invite teenager to learn and share more about human right and drug policy in a good way and I also will expose what I get in this workshop by social media.  
  
I greatly wished that I will have this great opportunity and privileged to become one of the fortunate member to be chosen. I believe that I could benefit from this workshop and contribute to my country with the knowledge and experience that I gained. I hope that I will have the chances to expose and to get first-hand experience of this workshop.  
  
your help is meaningful to me, Thanks.
Ayutaa, this personal statement is not effective in showing the reasons why you would make a successful participant in this workshop on human rights and drug policies. When you write a personal statement, the focus of your essay must be on showing that you have a relevant background in relation to your chosen course, or in this case, workshop. It doesn't matter that you are a determined learner. Since this is a workshop, the main consideration will be on your relevant skills and training. Therefore, you need to build up your work in the anti-drug organization that you are a member of. Let me see if I can outline this better for you to follow:  
  
1st Par - How your interest in the anti-drug and human rights cause developed.  
2nd Par - Present your participation in KSPAN. Discuss what projects you successfully helped to launch or projects that you led personally which have a direct relation to the topics covered by the workshop.  
  
3rd Par - Your work with TAC and how it relates to your interest in the anti drugs drive. Why do you think you can develop your skills in relation to the promotion of this cause further by attending the workshop?  
  
4th Par - Explain why you feel that these activities make you the ideal candidate for this workshop.  
5th Par - Conclude by repeating your desire to become a part of the workshop and that you are looking forward to participating in it.  
  
Following the above outline, you will create a more relevant and informative personal statement that will showcase the reasons why you should be given a slot as a participant in the workshop. Your current essay doesn't really play up the major considerations that are expected of the applicants for the workshop so you need to do some major revisions on it.
**The pie charts below (at the end of the essay) show information on the highest level of education of women in Someland in 1945 and 1995.**  
  
## female learners in Someland

  
  
The pie charts compare the percentages recorded as the results of a survey on female students' uppermost grade of education in Someland in 1945 and 1995.  
  
As can be seen from the charts, in the latter year, the variety of levels reduced significantly. While some lower classes saw a slip, a few higher ones experienced an amazing surge.  
  
From an overall perspective on the first pie chart, it is clear that no schooling and third grade sections accounted for the highest proportions which were slightly over a third at that time. On the other hand, post graduate occupied no portion at all, chich made it the lowest figure of all.  
  
In the second illustration, first degree learners bore the most striking characteristic when making up exactly half of the chart. It is interesting to note that in 1945, the mentioned part just established no more than a hundredth; however, it rose rom which to a half within merely a decade. Following the same pattern, post graduate students increased to a fifth after the same period. Nevertheless, no schooling, third grade and year 6 experienced noticeable drops of 35%, 35% and 15% respectively, which caused them the lowest points and to disappeared from the chart.  
  
* 
*
Tran, these pie charts need to have a point of comparison. That is the reason why two pie charts are provided to you. While you are supposed to discuss the individual elements of each chart, you must also do a comparison in order to show the differences in percentage on a year on year basis. The presentation of the essay must have had 5 paragraphs, namely:  
  
1. The overview summary that explains the original instructions from the prompt  
2. The contents of the first pie chart  
3. The contents of the second chart  
4. A comparison of the figures in the first and second pie chart. The trending may be discussed in this section as well.  
5. Concluding statement regarding the information you analyzed (optional)  
  
As presentations go, this is good but incomplete. Hopefully, you will be able to use the outline I provided above to help assist you with your next practice test.
**In today's job market it is far more important to have practical skills than theoretical knowledge. In the future, job applicants may not need any formal qualifications.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## theoretical understanding not necessary?

  
  
Recently, the qualifications for the job market have been different from the past. Employers require various skills from the job applicants. It has been argued that practical skills are more important than academic knowledge in the workplace. However, in my opinion, academic knowledge will never be unnecessary.  
  
Firstly, there is some sort of jobs that do not require a high level of knowledge such as laundering and car washing. Employers of these industries often employ workers with good practical skills and work experience. Nevertheless, a minimum level of education and theoretical knowledge must be satisfied. For example, mathematical calculation skills are extremely valuable for workers in such jobs so they can manage the financial budget. Furthermore, employers prefer educated workers than illiterate in managerial positions. This result in a good administration for the workplace.  
  
**I have written the introduction and body1 paragraph. Please, I want your evaluation so that I can complete body2 and the conclusion.**
@near9 You have just wasted your only chance to get a full review of your writing abilities by not posting the full essay. If you post the same essay in this thread with the additional bodies, the admin will automatically delete it as a double posting. We have a one advice per thread, per essay ruling here and duplicate postings are deleted. I am so sad that you made that mistake. Anyway...  
  
*In the opening statement, you must clearly state the keywords as supplied in the original prompt. That means you must say "I disagree with this statement to a certain extent due to several personal beliefs. These beliefs will be discussed in support of my stance in the following paragraphs.*  
  
As you know, only the paraphrasing is allowed in the opening statement. You actual statement of support must only be within the parameters set forth by the original prompt. Hence the indication that you "disagree to a certain extent" as indicated in the prompt requirements.  
  
Your first paragraph lacks cohesion because you are discussing unrelated topics through the paragraph. When you discuss labor jobs at the start, the succeeding justification for the theoretical knowledge must be in reference to the same jobs. So, people who wash clothes need to have theoretical knowledge on how to compute for soap usage per wash load and other similar information with the previous jobs mentioned.
@songax  
That is very helpful. Thank you so much for helping me.  
  
@Holt  
This is my first attempt and I did know the site's regulations. Thank you for pointing out that for me. You must be a native english speaker. Your langauge is very good. It seems that you did not put much effort while you are writing. I hope I can reach that level of profeciency. Participating in this forum will greatly boost my writing skills. The biggest mistake that I made earlier is that I was afraid to make mistakes in my writing. But I figured out that the best way to learn any new skill is to practise and make mistakes. That will enhance your ability and confidance.  
  
I remember that when I was at high school. I was weak at Math. Then I decided to confront my fears and learn mathematics. I started to slove 10 problems every day. Nowaday, I am an IMO student and I won several prizes in the field of mathematics.  
  
Good luck to all of you, I really want to thank you again Mr. @songax and Mr. @Holt. You deserve all the best in your life. ❤  
  
And I am happy to be a part of this vibrant community.
**Motorways help people travel quickly and cover long distances but they also cause problems. What are the problems of motorways and what solutions are there?**  
  
## quick travel, environment suffer

  
  
In developed countries, highways are great benefits which help people to move swiftly and go to a further place in time. Nevertheless, they also cause some problems. This essay will discuss two main issues of freeways and propose some solutions.  
  
Firstly, people may face risks which can be incredibly dangerous when driving on motorways. On thoroughfares, the speed limit is very high, so drivers are allowed to drive at high speed. This means that serious accidents might happen and cause severe damages to people and vehicles. At the worst, many people may be killed and many vehicles can be destroyed. Furthermore, the young who are always in a drunk situation drive at high speed on throughways. Therefore, they are easily out of control the vehicle and crash into another vehicle. The high-speed problem could be solved by reducing the speed limit to the safety threshold. This solution can force people to drive slowly. Also, people who violate the rules should face stiff punishments. This is an effective way to improve the awareness of traffic law compliance.  
  
Secondly, motorways can affect negatively a pristine environment. Many expressways may be built at beautiful areas where plants have grown and animals have lived for a long time. This thing breaks delicate ecological balance there. Moreover, the emission of harmful gas like carbon dioxide from many vehicles cause air pollution. Besides, the sound from vehicle's engine and whistle also cause noise pollution. These problems can be tackled by finding a suitable place to build undergrounds and tunnels where motorways can not go through areas of plants and animals. And governments should check carefully vehicles before running on roads, encourage drivers to drive environmentally friendly vehicles and put up sound proof fences.  
  
To sum up, it can not be denied that highways have given people incredible benefits. Besides, motorways also cause environmental problems and serious accidents. However, with proper planning and solutions, governments could solve completely above mentioned problems.
@kentphong You have written a level level 7 essay in my opinion. It is well thought out, presented, and accurately portrays all required elements of Task 2 writings. You have some minimal mistakes though which affected the scoring. One of the problems is that you tend to start some sentences with "And" or "Because". These 2 terms are not used to start a sentence in academic writing because these are connective words which indicate a continued discussion of the same topic. When used at the start of a sentence, it does not connect anything from the previous paragraph in a continuous sentence. Your argument will also be stronger if you do not make any last minute additions to your discussions at the end of the paragraph. It does not leave any room for further explanation development so it just hangs there without proper reinforcement or data support. It is best to simply discuss one reason in a strong manner. It shows a cohesive and coherent thought process. Good work overall. I hope to read more of your practice tests. You have the ability to perform well in the actual test if you keep going like this during practice.
Topic (extracted from test 1, Cambridge IELTS 10)  
  
*It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?  
What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?*  
  
## punishment can be made if necessary

  
  
It is believed that understanding the distinction between right and wrong is essential for children, in addition, punishing them is necessary if they make mistakes. Personally, I completely support this viewpoint.  
  
First, the ability to determine an issue is right or wrong is crucial for kids because it is one of the elements that make their personality. Once the personality is generated, it will be stable and hard to adjust. Therefore, helping the to distinguish between good and bad behaviors is essential. Furthermore, punishment is helpful in case that children behave badly due to the guilty feeling it provides. Unless they are able to self-correct their way of thinking, stricter punishments should be applied.  
  
In contrast, there are a lot of disagreements to this viewpoint. Most of the young adults think that children are still very young and punishments are unnecessary. To my mind, I believe that early age is the suitable period of time for a person to learn about morality, additionally, it is easier to train small children than teenagers and young adults. In the other hand, many people argue that a child will grow up eventually and he can learn themselves. As cited above, a person's character is stable once generated, and those children who are not trained about morality will be hard to fit in any community due to their lack of consciousness.  
  
Many kinds of punishments can be used by parents and teachers to teach young children. Among them, the best way that I can think of is that we should make them stay in their own room, let them think about what they did and decide if it is good or bad. Any violent punishment such as hitting by a stick or not allowing them to eat should not be applied because the merely influence badly on them  
  
In conclusion, I strongly agree with the viewpoint that the distinction between right and wrong should be taught to children and punishment can be made if necessary.
Mai, there are 4 elements that need to be represented in your opening statement. You neglected to mention that you will also be discussing what sort of punishment you believe should be given to children to help them learn right from wrong. A proper opening statement sample is as follows:  
  
*It is an accepted fact that children need to know when they are doing something right or something wrong. There is a strong belief that the lessons need to be reinforced with a punishment in order to help the children remember what they did wrong. In this essay, I will be discussing my opinion of the topic and what sort of punishment I believe is necessary to prevent the child from making the same mistake in the future.*  
  
It is important that you pay attention to fully developing your opening statement because this is the first scoring element of the essay. If you increase your score to the maximum in the task accuracy portion, you will be able to gain better consideration for any shortcomings that you may have in the other paragraphs. If you can prove that you understand the requirements of the essay, then the rest of the elements should be scored considerably better than if you had a low TA score.  
  
Do not indicate your position on the issue within the opening paragraph. Stating your position requires you to present a discussion explaining that stand. Which is why it is always advised that you place that opinion in a separate paragraph within the essay. The opinion paragraph is your chance to prove that you have the GRA to express yourself in English and also, be understood by others. Stating your position in the opening statement defeats that purpose.  
  
Always leave some time during the practice test to review and edit your essay. I saw a number of typographical errors and missing punctuation marks in your current work. That will cause a mark down on your part because you did not do well in the Grammar Accuracy range.  
  
Your conclusion is good, but should have been divided into at least 3 sentences in order to meet the minimum sentence requirement which also helps to increase the task accuracy score.
Hello, I need an evaluation of this writing essay  
Thanks in advance  
  
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.  
  
The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.  
  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.  
  
Write at least 150 words.  
  
## Industrial, agricultural and domestic water usage

  
  
The charts shown ilustrate the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world. As the charts are showing three different types of water consuming- Industrial use, agricultural use. and Domestic use.  
  
The industrial use of water is quite high in both North America and Europe areas, with 48 percent and 53 percent respectivily, while the rest of the regions(areas) use less water for the industrial field.  
  
On the other hand, Central Asia, Africa, South East Asia, and South America are consuming water mostly on the agricultural field, with percentage above 71 from the total usage of water.  
  
However, for the Domestic use, we can see that in all the areas the usage is less than 20 percent with South America leading the domestic use of 19 percent, and the least percentage was for both South East Asia and Central Asia of 7 percent only.  
  
*
Abdul, your essay does not meet the required minimum word count of 150 words. You only wrote 149. Being short of the word count will have an adverse effect on your final scoring considerations There will be a mark down in every aspect related to the word count such as the Task Accuracy and Grammar Range. I strongly advice you to try and write a minimum of 3 sentences in every paragraph in order to at least be assured of meeting the minimum 150 word count for the Task 1 essay. Writing in the 3 sentence format also allows you to better develop your sentences from simple to slightly more complex. Even a slight improvement in your word presentation on the complex side will help to increase your lexical resource and GRA scores.  
  
Your overview outline is incomplete as it does not accurately outline the types of comparisons to be done in terms of the countries you will be evaluating. A complete overview summary always notes the important aspects for discussion and mentions it as part of the outline of the upcoming paragraphs. It is important that you also work harder on the analysis aspect of the images. Try to find some not so obvious information in the charts, as I saw a few, and present those as well.  
  
This is not a bad first attempt. However, you should show improvement in your next essay otherwise you may risk not being ready to take the test by the exam date. We will be here to assist you in your improvement. Keep practicing. We will help you get ready for the test.
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Please give me advices and score  
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## water consumption in Congo and Brazil

  
  
Catch a glimpse at the two pictures provided, the line graph displays comparison of water usage in entire the world by three sectors over a period between 1900 and 2000, and the table compares the amount of water consumption in Brazil and Congo in 2000.  
  
It is clear that the total amount of water use worldwide considerably rose and the most dramatic climb was shown in agriculture sector. It is also can be seen that a much higher amount of Brazilians had consumed water in comparison with Congo.  
  
In 1900, the amount of global water usage in agriculture sector stood at about 500 km3. The figures for industrial and domestic were lower at around 50 km3. By 2000, agriculture use of water rose six times higher than the beginning, while industrial use and domestic use reached about 110 km3 and 400 km3 respectively. It is also noticeable that, all sectors simultaneously showed significant increase at 1950.  
  
For water consumption, Brazil which had over 30 times larger amount of population and size of irrigated land consumed 359 m3 per person, compared to 8 m3 of water consumption of Congo.  
  
*