dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Behzab, your opening paragraph could have been stronger if you have indicated the criteria that was to be discussed in the essay, based upon the audio comparison that you listened to. There should have been a short description of what the book is, the material used, and why there is a controversy as to the actual source and publication date of the book. Then the criteria for judging the assumed publication date of the book should have also been presented. These should have been used as the topic sentences or opening sentences of your discussion paragraphs. Now, the biggest problem of the essay is that, rather than having you present your understanding of the discussion proposed per topic you practically take the quotes ad verbatim for your essay. That defeated the purpose of this essay which is to test your English comprehension skills. While you did recognize the important parts of the discussion, the fact that you could not paraphrase it means you did not totally understand what the meaning of the discussion was.
## adulthood vs childhood

  
  
Life between adulthood and childhood are strikingly different in a couple of aspects. Firstly, children have been well nurtured and sufficiently educated on a regular basis by their families and teachers. However, when they have grown older and become adults, those children have to take more responsibility of their families and themselves as well. Another aspect is that a majority of children have enough time to indulge in their favorite books or other sources of information, and this helps widen their social knowledge and enhance their imagination. Adults, nevertheless, are fully occupied with loads of tasks and have insufficient time to entertain themselves. This can be patiently obvious as in the hustle and bustle pace of modern life, these adults are likely to handle deadlines in their workplace. Lastly, creating harmonious relationship is advisable for those adults who want to go further or even get promoted in their career, meaning that they can succeed in their own fields by cooperating with their colleagues. Conversely, children live harmony with their friends and do not strike up any relationship on purpose. In conclusion, these aforementioned discrepancies can be widely regconized in every corner of the world.
Hi Dat, I think points you mentioned is quite logical but I would like to change the structure of some sentences that might make them sound better in your context:  
  
Firstly, children have been ... -> Firstly, families and teachers are responsible for supporting and sufficiently educating children. However, ...  
  
This can be patientlypatently obvious ... life, unlike children, these adults are ...  
  
Lastly, a harmonious relationship is typical for those ... own fields through cooperating ...  
  
Hope these are helpful.
Dat, It is best to not count off the facts you are presenting if you cannot do it consistently in the essay presentation. You started off with "firstly" then used other variations like "additionally", "another aspect" and sometimes, you don't refer to a count off at all. So it is best to not use that format because you will tend to forget to use it continuously in the essay. It will not have a bearing on your paper if you don't do that. In fact, it will create a smoother presentation that will allow the sentences to better connect in the presentation. Counting it off sounds like you are outlining information rather than discussing it. Your essay paragraph would have been more convincing if you made it seem like children also have duties such as the chores they have to do around the house to help their parents like washing dishes and similar actions. Comparing responsibilities would have, in my opinion, been the best approach to discussing the comparison paragraph.
@frankovidaxt  
Salute !  
There is having majority difference between childhood and adulthood. Apparently, most of child when they come the age of maturation that has mean the change of their appearance is easy to recognize the differences, they become bigger and taller. in addition to their biological development, they also have a clear cognitive development that is highly appreciated. As a child they are nurtured and sufficiently educated on a regular basis by their families and teachers. ..... they think more thoughtful and have a sight more objective and holistic view of life. Children have enough time to play with their friends or indulge in their favorite books or other sources of information, and this helps widen their...  
  
The above is in my opinion. Thanks
## OCCUPATIONAL SEGRETATION

  
  
Gender equality at work has attracted several controversies throughout the world. Some people argue that single-gender profession brings more advantages owing to numerous difference in sexual physiques. It appears clear to me that this practise should not be put into effect because of several reasons below.  
  
First and foremost, occupational segretation has no leg to stand on in today's highly civilized world. With technological development, unlimited access to the knowledge needed for a job enables everyone, regardless of their gender, to the equal chance to get well-informed as well as widen their career path. In addition, work suitability can not be determined by genders. Personal knowledge and commitment should be prioritized when considering a candidate for a vacancy. The less passionate one is about the work, the less effective his work will be.  
  
Another reason for opposing this practise is that it is likely to harm the economy. Obviously, restricting a gender from getting a particular job is unfair and can be a loss of talent. For example, beauticians are usually defined as a job exclusively for women. But recently, men made their debut in this on-the-rise field, with a large number of household names such as Jeffrey Star and Manuel. This is a concrete evidence that there should be no bounderies in the job market. Besides, civil war can also occur as people will stand up for their right. In response to inequality in workplace in America a few years ago, for instance, a number of talented workers quit their jobs, leading to procrastination and a billion-dollar loss for the country's economy.  
  
In conclusion, every single person has the equal right to choose and embark on their career they love. If their job opportunity is restricted just because of their gene, it will raise severe objection among society and negative impacts on the economy are unavoidable.  
  
P/S: I'm new to this forum so I don't know how to reply to your comments under my thread. And I'm still trying to figure it out haha. But anyway, thank all of you for your helpful advices. They help me a lot!!!
Please mention the exact topic to get an appropriate feedback.  
  
Meanwhile, would like to highlight grammatical errors and sentence construction.  
  
1st paragraph:  
... owing to the numerous ...  
  
2nd paragraph:  
... occupational ~~segretation~~  segregation will have ~~has~~  no leg ...  
  
3rd paragraph:  
... for their right**s**  
... inequality in the workplace ...
Could you please evaluate my essay and give me some feedbacks ?  
I'm highly appreciated for every single comment, thank you.  
  
**## Nowadays we are producing more and more rubbish.

  
Why do you think this is happening?  
What can governments do to help reduce the amount of rubbish produced?**  
  
Recent surveys indicate that in almost every country nowadays each househole and family produces a large amount of rubbish every week. The majority of this waste comes from the packaging from the things we buy, such as processed food. But even if we buy fesh food without packaging, we still produce rubbish from the plastic bags used to carry shopping home.  
  
The major trigger to why we have to use so much packaging is that we consume a greater amount on a daily basis than families did in the past.  
  
Furthermore, needless to say that convenience is a privilege of modern life. In this regard, we buy packaging and canned food that can be transported readily between places, and stored until we need it.  
  
However, in my perspective, it is also a result of our tendency to use something once and throw it away. Even the cheapest plastic bag requires valuable resources and energy to produce, people might not know that it is a source of pollution and difficult to dispose of as well.  
  
To address the problem in question, as citizens, we should make a concerted effort together with the government. Children should get educated about environmental hassles, on the other hand, adults take action. By means of putting taxes on packaging and providing a wide range of recycling system, i entirely believe we can save our society.  
  
In light of the fact, nobody wants our planet poisoned by waste. If we persist on facing it, this phenomenon will be reversed gradually.
paragraph 1  
househole = household (typo)  
... from the things we buy = it would be best replaced by "products"  
we buy fesh food = fresh (typo)  
  
comments :  
1. try to avoid typo, so watch out your spelling. it seems trivial, but if you do it many times, it will not be any good.  
  
2. i do not see any thesis statement in your intro. try to answer the question in general and put it on the intro paragraph, so readers will know what you will discuss.  
  
3. paragraphing  
group the idea and organize the paragraph well. i don't see good paragraphing here, you jump from one idea to another idea.  
make, at least, 2 full body paragraphs properly!  
  
....Children should get educated...... replaced = "be"  
  
comments :  
4. you don't answer all of the questions.  
"... reduce the amount of rubbish produced?", this question is not answered in detail.  
  
advice : you don't need to write directly, carefully concept and plan the idea first!, then write.
please evaluate my essay.  
  
It will be grateful if you give separate band for each criteria. like TR, CC, LR, and Crammer.  
  
**In the modern world, schools are no longer necessary because there is so much information available through the internet that they can just as well study at home. To what extend do you agree or disagree.**  
  
## schools are obsolete?

  
  
Now-a-days, the internet is the key source of information. Even the source has been using in education. This trend comes up with a concern that there is no use for educational institutions because people would educate them by online learning at home. In this essay, I will present my disagreement along with rational reasons with this concern.  
  
Skilled trainers can effortlessly be found in any learning institutions. They are not only responsible for teaching, but also motivating, encouraging, and monitoring their pupils through interesting learning styles. To illustrate, trainer's watchful eyes are able to examine learners' activities in order to nurture. In addition, the environments of schools are a key factor in order to develop students' communication skills, interpersonal skills, and other skills by assigning variety of projects within time-frame. Such experiences from schools ensure the comprehensive development of learners.  
  
Moreover, the professional trainers provide lectures related to practical and theoretical ideas. For example, trainers mostly share their own experience regarding workplaces that learners are going to face in the future, whereas online learners may not get these experiences. Nonetheless, web pages is becoming predominant sources of data, even school professors also use the sources. It is evident that the source is not able to guide people in effective and efficient way to be developed.  
  
To be concluded, although, vast information come from web sites, professional know the best way how teach to student in real sense. In my opinion, school training has significant influences on pupils that are inevitable rather than online programs. In this regard I am not convenient that the internet will replace the schools in terms of the quality of education.  
  
**Thanks**.
fiZa, here is the scoring breakdown:  
  
TA - 4, your opening paraphrase and body of paragraphs are only partially appropriate in response to the prompt. The original instruction is for you to discuss only one point of view using an "emotional" stance in the discussion. Instead you responded with only a basic disagreement, which is not the requirement of the prompt.  
  
C&C - 5, whole you present a series of plausible discussion points, you do not present a coherently developed explanation because you are not attempting to develop one reason per paragraph as is required for a beneficial score.  
  
LR - 5 - Your vocabulary is adequate for a beginner. You must work hard towards achieving the proper intermediate level so that you can increase your scoring consideration for this section.  
  
GRA- 5 - You need to develop your ability to create more complex sentences. This is best accomplished by focusing on developing only one explanation per paragraph. The C&C and GRA scores go hand in hand so the better you develop the paragraph, the higher your score.
hi, could you please help me this essay. Please give me feedback about the grammar, ideas and all things  
  
## schools should teach how to deal with money

  
  
Topic:  
*Students leave high school without learning the way how to manage their money. What are the reasons and solution to this issue?*  
  
my essay:  
Nowadays, many students graduate from high schools but they are lacking personal finances management knowledge. This dearth stems from misconceptions of parents, schools and the overloaded curriculum, but I think there will be many feasible measures are available to address this issues.  
  
The first reason of this issue is: Perhaps students' parents think of their children haven't enough ability to earn money and their children haven't owned money so it isn't necessary to teach them the way to manage money.  
  
The second reason is: In high school, there are many educational programs, so one more course is overloaded on students. And perhaps they think academics sessions are more valuable than a spending and saving money course.  
  
So to resolve this issues then the first best way is the school should have a class to teach students how to manage money and finance skills  
  
The second best way is parents should give their children a budget and teach them how to manage their money. ex: giving them a budget and request them to plan an event or a small trip or buying a new stuff in that budget.  
  
Finally, families and schools should combine together to get an agreement should or not add more a finance management class to the education program for students.  
  
P/S: hopeful someone helps me fix this essay and give me more advice and ideas
Van, your opening paraphrase has a good topic sentence. The rest of the presentation in that paragraph is not the type of presentation that is expected of this paragraph though. What you did wrong was that you wrote only 2 sentences when you should have written at least 3 sentences for it. Here a sample of the content that this paragraph should have:  
  
*These days, students find themselves graduating from high school having learned very little to nothing about how to handle their finances. This essay will discuss a possible cause for this situation. In the end, I will also propose a possible solution to the problem.*  
  
Using the 3 sentence approach, you should be able to present, based upon the above example, the following:  
1. Discussion topic - Students leave high school  
2. Discussion reason - without learning the way how to manage their money.  
3. Discussion instruction - What are the reasons and solution to this issue?  
  
Using the above template, you should be able to maximize your TA scoring potential. That is, provided that you already know how to identify the required sentence representations in your paraphrased paragraph.  
  
Now, this essay should only be composed of 5 interconnected paragraphs. It interconnects via transition sentences at the end of a paragraph. What you wrote are 6 stand alone sentence representations. That is not to be confused with a paragraph. The paragraph is meant to be composed of 5 sentences per paragraph. The paragraph number cannot exceed 5. So the ratio is 5:5. Remember that as the basic paragraph formula.  
  
The body needs to represent 3 paragraphs containing the following representations:  
1. Reason  
2. Example  
3. Proposed solution  
  
After that, you can represent the summarized discussion in the concluding paragraph. Summarize the following in order to create a proper conclusion:  
1. Discussion topic  
2. Reason provided  
3. Proposed solution  
  
Based on the given discussion outline, what I have given you is the most applicable format for writing this type of essay. You have to remember that different discussion instructions require different approaches. You will need to familiarize yourself with each discussion instruction in order to learn how to properly discuss each one. You will not want for examples of those in this forum. I propose that you review them and learn what you can from them.
## Global education rates

  
  
Both charts gave the readers a glance of the education rates of different levels across various areas in the world.  
We can apparently find that Europe has the highest education rate among all the areas in both secondary education and higher education. Latin America and East Asia come to the second, followed by sub-Saharan Africa.  
  
Another obvious fact is that no matter which area in the world, less people continue to receive higher education after their secondary education. Even in Europe, where almost everyone goes to school for secondary education, the ratio of receiving higher education drops by 50% to only half of the adult population. Same phenomenon can also be found in Latin America and east Asia but not in sub-Saharan Africa, in contrast to its counterpart, this area have a higher ratio of higher education compared to secondary education.  
  
*
Ellie, this essay will get an automatic failing score because you wrote only 141 words when the minimum is 150 words for this sort of essay. The reason you fell short is because you only have 2 paragraphs when the minimum requirement for task 1 is 3 paragraphs. If you had written at least 3 paragraphs, then you would have been assured of writing at least the minimum word count. Since this is a 2 illustration essay, you could have easily written it this way for a higher score:  
  
Par. 1 - Summary overview with discussion instruction indicated  
Par. 2 - Bar chart 1 information  
Par. 3 - Bar chart 2 information  
Par. 4 - Comparison information  
  
There wasn't even a need to write a concluding paragraph as that is not required in an analytical essay of the task 1 type. I will not even continue to read the rest of your essay or advice you on the content because you missed the more important element, the opening summary, which would have set the tone for the overall information disseminated through this essay. It will be foolish of me to score something or advice on something that is part of a defective essay. The examiner would have also failed you by that point as well.
**Some people think governments should spend money on saving languages with fewer speakers from dying our completely. Others thinks this is a waste of financial resources.  
  
Discuss both views and give your own opinions. To what extent do you agree or disagree.**  
  
## keeping languages from vanishing

  
  
It is observed that some languages is diminishing as time goes. Some people believe that it is governments duty to keep it from vanishing by financial aid, while others believe that the money should have a better usage. This essay will discuss both aspects and explain my opinion on this topic.  
  
The world is fabulous by its multiple cultures. And a language usually represents its own culture. However, there are few of them is on its way to be history. It is important for governments to save them from dying out. Because once it is gone, it is impossible to regain the lost language. Language is a thing money cannot buy. There was a tribe of Taiwanese aboriginal called " Taroko". Due to the face that no one wanted to conserve their language and no one know how to do it. This unique culture of Taroko tribe are no longer exist. So as their special carving technique which can be transmitted orally only. If the governments could aware that before it occurred and funded the conservation of Taroko language, we would be able to admire those masterpiece today.  
  
On the other hand, some people think that if a language is being used for fewer people that means it do not fit in our contemporary society anymore. Thus, there is no need to execute a budget for saving it. In addition, the money should be spent on solving more urgent issues such as eliminate famine. We can see that human culture were not developed until ancient people learn how to produce stable food supply. Therefore, to make sure every citizens have enough food is prior to saving a language has fewer people speaking.  
  
I personally believe that culture diversity is what make he world full of excitement and joy and languages carry out cultures. Henceforth, I am completely agree with the idea that governments should spend money on saving languages with fewer speakers from extinguished.  
  
40 mins, 344 words
Introduction is perfect.  
  
However, after giving your opinion, you should also write a separate paragraph to conclude the essay. Conclusion should represent the gist of the discussion points of the essay  
  
Moreover, there are a few grammatical and sentence construction which I would like to highlight:  
  
1st paragraph:  
... it is government**'**s duty ...  
  
2nd paragraph:  
... Taroko tribe ~~are~~  is no longer exist.  
  
3rd paragraph:  
... used for ~~fewer~~  the few people ...  
  
... culture ~~were~~  was not developed ...  
... every citizen~~s~~ ~~have~~  has enough food ...  
  
4th paragraph:  
I personally believe that ~~culture~~  cultural diversity is ...  
Henceforth, I ~~am~~  completely agree ...
Sumerlin, your introduction is not perfect. In fact, you show that you did not understand the prompt discussion instruction at all, which just caused you fail this essay test. While your topic paraphrase is acceptable, you made a mistake in your thesis statement because you did not bother to understand what you were being asked to do in the essay. I have a strange feeling that you added an additional discussion instruction that was not included in the original essay prompt. The comparative discussion essay is not included when an "extent" essay is required. Are you sure you did not make a mistake with this prompt? Did you just create this prompt requirement on your own? If you did, then you made a mistake. When you discuss both points of view and then offer your own opinion, you can no longer give an "extent" of agreement or disagreement of the essay topic. At this point, I will have to stop reviewing your essay because I already know that a serious mistake was made in the prompt representation. As an examiner, I would automatically give you a failing score. I will not even try to read the essay to the very end because you obviously cannot follow English instructions of the simplest kind.