dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
has become higher and higher than before  
This is a very elementary form of word usage and referencing. This is not the way a college graduate would write an academic paper. it is imperative that you learn to use more academic and western ways of delivering your ideas. That means, avoiding such elementary words. It would have been more academic to have referred to "has increased" or "continues to increase over time."  
  
I disagree with this notion for some reasons behind.  
This is an empty thesis statement. It is empty because it fails to establish the discussion platforms for the 2 reasoning paragraphs. An effective thesis statement will state the topics that will be discussed in support of your opinion. The sentence should be phrased as "I disagree with this opinion because (reason 1) and (reason 2)." The task requirements will be more than met with such a statement presentation.  
  
the government is the sponsor, not the payer.  
Incorrect. The government is the sponsor, hence, the payer. The payments are taken from the collected taxes from the people. These taxes are allocated to government sponsored universities and colleges. The government represents the people, whose taxes go to supporting the studies of their children for free. Therefore, it may be correct that the students payback the tuition fees when they graduate to help those who will also benefit from the subsidized education program. Do you see the error of your argument?
## the advantages and disadvantages of playing games

  
  
The positive alteration of technology has lead to an increase in the number of youngsters who are keen on playing video games. However, it also sparks bitter controversy between the advantages and disadvantages of this issue. In this essay, both of them will be discussed in detail.  
  
First and foremost, it will be beneficial if children choose suitable subject for them. Indeed, there are available a wide range of vivid educational content that both disseminating knowledge and entertaining. For instance, in the chess game, offspring not only acquire vocabulary of pieces but also stimulate their desire for exploring strategies to become a victor. In addition, this game demands intense concentration and a long time, so it will train juniors the virtue of patience, remain calm under pressure so that your brain can work to its maximum.  
  
Irrespective of the advantages, the drawbacks also exist. One of the most fearful demerits is the loss of social ability. Instead of a normal person who converses every day to integrate into society, poor communicators bring themselves to solitude. This habit is formed because they normally spend too much time on video games without communication. Those teenagers tend to avoid public events and enjoy working alone. If this concern goes on, they will have trouble on the daily basis. Take a case as an example, since my family and uncle family live in the same city, the favourable distance, so we often pay a visit to each other. Nevertheless, whenever I and my cousin have a talk, we are unable to maintain a topic of conversation, only enquire after one another, then hurriedly finish our conversation. Because he shows no interest in what I say, replies perfunctorily and superficially, so that make me unwanted to continue.  
  
To summarise, playing video games will definitely bring either benefits or drawbacks. Therefore, kids should be under parental supervision within a more contained environment filled with family-friendly videos.
The positive alteration  
The techonology is not changing, which is the meaning of "alteration". Rather, the techonology is "developing" from the original state. Improvements are being made rather than changes (alterations). Word choice error. The sentences in this presentation are also a bit problematic in terms of time references. +S at the end of "lead" would have made the word usage more proper as it would inficate present tense or current time references.  
  
Take a case as an example,  
What case? If this is in reference to your family, then say "Take the case of my family for instance." The missing subject made the verb confusing to understand. The example does not relate to the way people access computers and video games. It is not convincing because it has not connected itself with the discussion basis. Insert the technological reference in the example as best as you can.
***Topic:**  
**People say that a child's success is dependent on the way parents bring them up.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
It is indisputable that family plays a crucial role for each person. Some argue that the pedagogy of parents determines the advancement of children. I strongly agree with this viewpoint for the following reasons.  
  
To begin with, one of the most substantial parts of a child's success is their parenting. Notably, children emulate their parents' habits, whether positive or negative. So, if the parent has good manners and habits like reading books, their children will acquire these good things and have a higher percentage of success. On the contrary, children growing up in needy families and poorly educated parents will also be adversely affected. Researched by the Ministry of Public Security for 2,000 students in reformatory schools, about 50% of cases had their parents' difficult childhoods. Therefore, children are greatly influenced by how their parents nurture them.  
  
Personal will and the learning environment, on the other hand, partly influence a child's growth. There have been many successful entrepreneurs from low-income backgrounds. For instance, Billionaire Jack Ma had a deprived childhood before founding Alibaba - China's leading electronics group thanks to his strong will. In addition, a healthy learning environment creates favorable conditions for the development of children. Children who receive a quality education will have their minds shaped and have clear career goals for the future.  
  
To conclude, social factors such as school or circle of friends partly contribute to the future success of young people. However, if children are adequately cared for by their parents, both emotionally and physically, they will grow up to be more self-sufficient and possess the right attitude. As a result, they will be able to expand further in the future.
for the following reasons.  
To provide a stronger thesis statement. Indicate your agreement with a sense of reasoning. Rather than saying "for the following reasons", it is better to say "based on my beliefs that (reason 1) and (reason 2). These will be further explained below. " Such a representation accomplishes 2 things.  
  
- It outlines the discussion topics for the 2 reasoning paragraphs  
- It clearly accomplishes the task requirement through a thorough presentation of your opinion and opinion basis. The latter being an extra scoring cosnideration for the TA score whenever indicated by the writer in his opinion statement.  
  
Researched by the Ministry of Public Security  
Since the instruction is for the writer to use personal knowledge or publicly known opinion, it is best not to indicated "reasearch by" as this means you are not sharing public information. Simply stating that, "the Ministy of Public Security has said" informs the examiner that this is publicly known opinion, even it is actually otherwise. The framing of a sentence also helps to add or lessen the score, based on the discussion evidence requirements. It is all a matter of sentence structuring, when wanting to indicate a piee of public information.  
  
Personal will and the learning environment, on the other hand, partly influence a child's growth.  
This opinion will not receive a score and the word count will be deducted from the overall number as this part contradicts your personal opinion as indicated in the thesis statement. Being a single opinion essay, your ability to defend your opinion based on 2 valid opinions will be the basis for your C+C score. Suddenly changing your opinion will result in score deductions instead.
## employee letter to his manager

  
  
Hello everyone, this is my writing assignment at school and I am looking for some feedback as I am not sure if my email writing is formal enough. Thank you all for your time and your feedback.  
  
The topic of the email is about an employee writes to his manager to discuss the training program for the employess.  
  
Dear Mr John Robinsons,  
I am Kelman Shavers from the sales team. I am writing this email to discuss about the next training program that I would like to take part in.  
  
As you have already known, our company has just acquired Kelman Shavers, a company which is used to be our rival. For that reason, the number of sales team's members has increased significantly as the result of the buyout. However, the two sales teams do not seem to fully cooperate with each other. They do not show the team spirit as they used to work in rival situation.  
  
Acknowledging the current situation, I would like to come up with plans or activities to connect these two distinct groups together. I suggest that our next training programs could include several workshops or seminars in which the topic should focus on several different techniques to build a good team's spirit, or ways to enhance the bond between team's members. By combining these knowledges in the training program, our sales team as well as myself can understand more about the importance of teamwork and the ways to form team's culture and how to maintain the bond in the long - term.  
  
I hope that you take my suggestion into consideration. Please reach out to me if you would like to discuss further in the future.  
Regards,  
Kamal Satinder
You cannot use the company name as your personal name in the letter. If the company is named after you, then there was no need to acquire the company. You owned it all along. You cannot buy your own company. Change the employee name to something other than the acquired company name. I noticed that the name of the writer is different at the end of the email. So the incorrect name at the start was just an oversight?  
  
In addition to that, you will need to provide an employee background summary in relation to the proposal you are about to present. You have to present your background to allow the reader specific reasons to listen to your suggestions. Being a mere member of the sales team, you cannot make suggestions that will have a direct effect on the company relationship with the employees. Only members of the Human Resources department can do that. You will need to change your company position to make your plan of action more believable. You may refer to a sales team situation in the email that requires your suggested actions to be enacted via employee team building and training schedules.
## proportions of females with some connections to sports

  
  
The table describes the proportions of females whose age were from 16 to 25 in a particular country playing sport or watching sport.  
Overall, it is clear that almost all of the females in this age group tend to watch tennis and participate in playing basketball, while there is a small number of women watching badminton and joining in going horse riding.  
  
Looking in more detail, the percentage of 15-26 years old females watching tennis, ranks first at 60 %. Following watching tennis is watching basketball which takes up around 55% and this figure is more than twice the percentage of 15-25 years old women watching Gymnastic (20%). The percentage of women in this age group watching golf, horse riding and racing, badminton take up lowest which was 10%, 7%, and 5 % respectively.  
  
As for participating in these sports, there are the largest amount of 16-25 females joining playing basketball(50%) which is followed by tennis and golf jointing second (30%) . The percentage of women participating in badminton, gymnastics, horse riding, and racing is 11 %, 10%, and 4% correspondingly  
  
*
females  
playing sport or watching sport  
The subject is presented in plural form ( + S ). Therefore, the activities represented need to be in plural form as well ( + S ). Do not mix singular and plural forums to avoid grammar usage errors and deductions.  
  
The table describes the proportions of females whose age were from 16 to 25 in a particular country playing sport or watching sport.  
This is literally a cut and paste of the original image description. It was not restated or paraphrased in a correct way. The writer will automatically recieve a failing task accuracy score. Try to put more effort into using synonyms or trust in using your own words to explain what the image is all about.  
  
The last paragraph does not offer a balanced analysis of the image. An academic paragraph, specially an analysis based one, should be comprised of at least 3, no more than 5 analytical sentences.
## Why is cycling not popular in many places? And how to increase its popularity.

  
  
These days, owing to the existence of high-tech means of transportation, cycling is getting fader in users' minds. Despite its being considered more environmentally friendly than other forms of transport, It currently does not gain popularity. Several reasons are answering why cycling witnessed a downward trend, also, from which some feasible solutions should be taken into account.  
  
In terms of sources causing cycling's low popularity, the first main cause that should be mentioned is residents' requirement for faster travelling. Indeed, by virtue of the time demanding of the workplace as well as the long-distance between destinations, people in most fields of jobs ask for more convenient and effortless vehicles such as motorbikes, cars, underground trains, etc. Additionally, some individuals find cycling too obsolete and rustic to cycle. In fact, in the present modern technology era, human beings have a tendency of being appealed in front of stylish and fancy creatures, and the vehicle is not an exception. For instance, a wide range of users opt to purchase a costly and fashionable car rather than a common and affordable bicycle.  
  
Based on a handful of mentioned reasons, some solutions could be brought out to tackle the current situation of cycling. Firstly, increasing the price of fuel and vehicle tax might be one of the most realistic decisions during this circumstance. Therefore, users might be wavering about whether they own a bicycle as more affordable spending. For example, because of being unable to afford the tax bill, some consumers might not know what to choose but possess a bicycle. Furthermore, the government should encourage leaders of local regions to build a notice board for bicycles for users' security. Therefore, the complaint about cycling's extent of safety might be minimized.  
  
In conclusion, although cycling has numerous positive impacts on human physical health as well as the environment, the activity of cycling is admittedly no longer popular in a few areas. Answering this result is due to its time consuming and not meeting the taste of users. Soon, politicians can build separate paths for cyclists and manufacture more free-fuel vehicles to respond to the needs of the community.
Good discussion with a few grammar and cohesive discussion problems for you to take note of. The errors stem mostly from your being an ESL writer. Better familiarity with the basic rules surrounding English written grammar rules should fix those problems.  
  
It will do you well to learn about what words are non- academic. That way, you will not mistakenly use therein your presentation. Words like etc. should be avoided, specially at the end of a sentence since it cuts the understandability and discussion flow of the sentence. Always have a solid sentence close.  
  
cycling is getting fader in users' minds  
This more of a sentence structure error due to incorrect word usage. I understand what you want to say but have to score you down because of GRA requirements. A more appropriate wording would be:  
  
... is slowly fading from commuters minds.
## Stress and Anxiety in the Modern World

  
  
Stress is the most common mental health disease that humans have to suffer from, and there are various factors in modern life leading to this. However, there are ways to limit the potential impacts.  
  
With the rapid development of recent society, people have to face more issues than in the past. To begin with, there are more financial worries relating to the rise in living conditions. We have to pay for the internet service and security as dispensable parts of our daily life, which were in addition in the past. Furthermore, we must be under higher pressure as a result of the competitive labour market. Gaining a high-salary job is now more difficult since job requirements contain not only good quality but also huge fundamental skills.  
  
Tackling such problems will be not easy, but there are measures that can be taken. Firstly, Government should provide citizens with a safe living environment such as ensuring security and fair law. As a result, people can reduce a large amount of money and have peace of mind to live. Besides, as a way to decrease job pressure, extra job positions need to be considered as soon as possible. This provides employers with opportunities to find a suitable job and demonstrate individual abilities.  
  
All in all, although there are several causes of stress in modern life, we can take steps to reduce it and avoid being overwhelmed
The essay presentation is actually good, if I were not to consider the scoring requirements of the task 2 essay. I will not discount the fact that the writer truly understood the writing requirements and provided acceptable discussion topics in support of it. That, is where the problem lies. Beyond the enumerated topic list, the writer did not properly develop and support the topics. These were only presented as reasons, without proper in-paragraph transitions, cohesive explanations and supporting reasons, all of which should have resulted in a coherent paragraph.These are the reasons the presentation does not work despite the good reasoning topics. next time, the writer should ensure the logic and connectivity of his discussion points.
stressful life of today's kids  
  
It is true that in recent years, some parents have placed a burden on their children. In my opinion, there are a variety of motives surrounding this idea, mainly because of a universal desire to see their children succeed and I believe this situation can lead to positive influence, both on personal and social developments to some extent.  
  
To begin, it is easily noticeable that parents make their kids under a lot pressure as a way to help them achieve their goals. For example, by being forced to get into the habit of studying on a daily basis from a young age, children will be more likely to have a better future and recognition in the society. This is based on the fact that since such children are aware of the importance of learning, they would prefer spend part of their valuable time on doing homework rather than constantly play video games. Undoubtedly, with their hard work earlier in life, they will have a higher chance to get a dream job and progress up the ladder at a later stage of life.  
  
Therefore, I am of the opinion that not only families but also the society can benefit from this trend. On a personal level, this helps to form an environment motivating children to reach their full potential as a student, which lays the foundation for them when they go to work in the future. On a societal level, this will result in a well-educated workforce and in turn a more productive and prosperous nation. On the other hand, I do think that parents should not put too much pressure on them in order to avoid counter effects. This is particularly the case for Korea, where mothers always make their children study regardless of day or night, resulting in a dramatical rise in suicide levels in adolescents.  
  
In conclusion, from my perspective, everything parents do, including putting pressure on their kids, is just to ensure their youngsters have a successful career. However, only if they do it in a moderate way will it have merits on both their children and society.
It is true that in recent years  
This is not a part of the orginal topic presentation. The writer must keep his opinion to himself because there is no reason for a personal opinion to be presented. The truth or falsity of the statement is not in question. Avoid topic alterations as these are score deductions.  
  
desire to see their children succeed and I believe  
One idea per sentence. Only related topics or ideas should be in one sentence. Obviously, your direct question response should be found in a seperate sentence.  
  
On the other hand, I do think that parents should not put too much pressure  
This is a topic question response deviation. The first half of the paragraph supports the write' rs opinion. This portion does not. This discussion will not be scored as it does not properly support the earlier thesis statement.All discussions must support and focus on the question being asked.  
  
I believe that the writer just got confused with regards to better connecting his explanation opinions. The error was caused by a faulty cohesive presentation within the paragraph.
## In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless

  
  
There is a prediction indicating that drivers are unnecessary in the future due to the development of technology. Therefore individuals inside these vehicles are solely passengers. In my perspective, this trend's merits will outperform the contrasting features.  
  
As projected, means of transportation will be equipped with various modern technical methods that allow these vehicles can move under the control of up-to-date techniques. The advantage is modernized means will be entirely synchronized, following up an arranged route, which is the fastest way as calculated by machines, this will permit the public not to concern about the traffic congestion as well as being late for the work.  
  
Moreover, another benefit of using driverless cars is this breakthrough of technology will help society lead to a world where traffic does not exist. With scheduled and well-controlled adjusting by machines, the rate of traffic collide will be less likely to happen when the speed of the cars is limited, the caution and protection system are working. For instance, whenever two vehicles are undeliberately able to collide, the directions of movement will be systemically changed so that the accidents will be avoided safely.  
  
However, there is also a demerit of this statement which is tended to occur less than the opposite one. To be specific, errors and misleading commands from the technology will perhaps lead directly to undesirable consequences or even dangerous repercussions such as a streak of unexpected accidents.  
  
In conclusion, the systemical errors will be the priority of the producers to adjust for preventing danger. It can not be denied that the advantages of this trend bring about convenience and safety that outweigh the same contrasting pattern
this trend's merits will outperform the contrasting features.  
Wrong word usage. The negative representation of merit is demerit. Contrasting features is not a normal representation for this essay as the phrase relates mostly tophysical features that can be compared or contrasted based on look or feel.  
  
This is a 4 paragraph essay that debates the advantage and disadvantage within the same paragraph. A seperate disadvantage topic is not necessary. The job of the writer is to prove that the opposite is true for each discussion reason in cohesive paragraphs. This essay fails to prove that ability because of the improper writing format. The disadvantage paragraph breaks the paragraph connections and is a barely developed explanation.  
  
The writer should not write more than 4 paragraphs because the writing instruction does not call for a 3 reasoning paragraph response.