dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## The the throw-away lifestyle

  
  
It is true that people today consume a large number of products in very short period and then throw them away. In this essay, I will shed light on two main factors causing this practice, and also two major issues that come from it.  
  
Perhaps the first culprit of this is advertising. To explain, the constant presence of adverts in everywhere has always been prompting vulnerable watchers to make more purchases. Teenagers nowadays, for instance, are willing to buy new generations of Iphone instantly when seeing their eye-catching ads, with hope that they would become more fashionable and have higher status, although their old ones are still perfectly functional. Secondly, it is the manufacturers who are to blame. In fact, producing non-durable products could help maximize the production expense, given the cheap materials and simple processes. Thus, products nowadays often have short lifespan and would be soon replaced by new ones.  
  
The consequences of this problem are many, affecting all individuals and societies as a whole. To begin with, the over-consumption habit has led many shopaholic citizens into financial crisis, especially teenagers with serious credit card debt, leading them to depression and anxiety. Furthermore, since the number of disposable items are drastically climbing, people are more likely to end up living in land and water full of poisonous waste, putting their health into risk of serious deseases. For instance, many Vietnamese people have suffered from health problems such as diarrhea, dysentery after using dangerously contaminated water, soil, some even dead.  
  
To conclude, the throw-away lifestyle nowadays could be traced back to advertising agencies and short-lifespan items generated from greedy companies, bringing many problems to people's finance and surroundings. Had it not been for better use of decomposed or recycled products and wiser purchases, our life will be more seriously damaged in the years to come.
@suong1510  
*Hi there!*  
  
First and foremost, I can observe that your essay is quite substantive; this is great. What I would recommend is that you try to incorporate more writing techniques that will elevate the tone that you use. As of the moment, it is observable how you use a more relaxed tone as opposed to an academic one. The difference between the former and the latter is that the structure of the delivery of the message. Compliance with the conventions of writing is also included in line with these comments.  
  
Additionally, try to optimize the space you have in your essay. If you have noticed, most of my comments in the forum would emphasize on the idea of omitting unnecessary and irrelevant words. Doing this accomplishes a lot, especially when you're working within word counts. If you can remove words that you do not need (fillers/repetitive lines), you will have more space to accommodate to have more depth in your essay in the long-run. Taking a look at the content that you have, I highly suggest that you implement these procedures. A straightforward approach to writing will take you a long way - remember this at all costs.  
  
That being said, there are numerous ways for you to approach the idea of creating more strategic structures to use in your essay. For one, you can make sure that you focus solely on content that actually needs to laid out. Another could be using terminologies that could compress your complex thoughts into smaller chunks of text.  
  
Let me give you an example through revising a portion of your essay here.  
  
~~Perhaps t~~The first culprit ~~of this~~ is advertising. T~~o explain, t~~he constant presence of ~~adverts~~advertisements ~~in everywhere~~ has ~~always been prompting~~ prompted vulnerable ~~watchers~~ bystanders to ~~make more~~ purchase~~s~~ more.  
  
... eye-catching ads~~, with hope ... functional~~. Secondly, ~~it is~~ the manufacturers ~~who~~ are to blame. ~~In fact, p~~Producing non-durable ...  
... often have shorter lifespans. ~~and would ... ones.~~  
  
Best of luck in your writing!
Hi suong1510,  
  
Nice essay overall. There is a problem regarding the example in body paragraph 2.  
  
I know that it's hard to discuss a matter at length and thoroughly in an IELTS essay. But bridging A and D when there are also B and C will cause confusion. Return to the example, it's true that air, land or water pollution is the cause of multiple health issues, but it doesn't necessarily mean waste (in this case, waste of human consumption, not industrial waste, exhaust, etc.) is the root of everything.  
  
If I was in your shoes, I would talk about a very direct problem: a shortage of landfills -> the need for more land -> maybe the loss of agricultural soil, wildlife habitats, etc. I think posing the right question will help to impress the examiner (even though we, the test takers, are not judged base on our ideas)
## Too Many Concerns toward Protecting animals?

  
  
Nowadays,it is true that people become more aware of wild animals protection, and man around the world still trying to save those animals are nearly extinction, but in my opinion, I do not think the attention is enough.  
  
For a start, human being is just one of the species exist on the planet, through our infinite expansion, our kind control almost all of the resources, we take lands to develop our communities, building up cities and facilities increase population.Some people forget that there are many other species share lands with us, and human step by step take over their rights to survive. More importantly, if the biosphere break down because the wild animals and birds are continually disappear, it is certainly not only impacts the wild species, but also all of the civilians.  
  
As a matter of fact, the conservation organizations are promote the subjects as much as possible, and the legislation of a country attempt to protect the wild species, but in a invalid propaganda and loosely enforced, the animals in their region still disappearing. Thus, people who care about this issue ought to be more seriously and overwatch where the resources pour to and the laws enforcement, also helping others to understand that wild animals and birds protection is initial and urgent, if they all disappear, I personally do not think human are able to live along in this world.  
  
Finally, the balancing of the biosphere is important, and save it while not too late. Giving a vivid world full of majorities of species to the next generation and last forever.
Hi misaping,  
  
- First off, you should always include a topic question (comprises of a context, a statement and what it asks you to do). This helps readers to understand and better evaluate your essay.  
  
- This essay lacks an important part: Conclusion. Make sure you have already familiazed yourself with IELTS essay structure (which often includes 4 paragraphs).  
  
- With regard to structuring a body paragraph, it's important to write a concise and meaningful topic sentence . You can elaborate on it later but do not extend as much as possible in this single most crucial sentence (which readers rely on to understand your outline really quickly).
@misaping  
Hi there!  
  
First and foremost, it is critical that you maintain an academic tone when you are writing. Doing this will enable you to have a more formal approach to writing. What this pertains to would be using conventional writing strategies, ensuring that you do not merely ramble on as you are writing.  
  
Secondly, watch the way that you transition between your sentences. A more organic transition would be preferred rather than using too many transition words that would not benefit your essay in the long-run. Remember that when you are confined to work with word counts, it is essential that you capitalize on the space you have through engaging in the most optimal way possible.  
  
Third, be cautious of the forms of your words/phrases. If you aren't, you'll end up having inconsistent terminologies sprinkled throughout. It would be better if you can have more consistency in your language as this is more academically appropriate.  
  
Lastly, when it comes to the structure of your sentences, it is crucial to abide by the conventional practices. If you cannot, you'll lose sight of the fundamental rules of academic writing.  
  
Keep these in mind as you are writing. Best of luck as always!
## experiments of animals - pros and cons

  
  
**Nowadays animal experiments are widely used to develop new medicines and to test the safety of other products. Some people argue that these experiments should be banned because it is morally wrong to cause animals to suffer, while others are in favour of them because of their benefits to humanity.  
  
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.**  
  
In recent decades, animal testing remains a highly controversial issue, generating a great deal of public debate. We are testing on the animal in order to invent new medicines or vaccines and test the safety of those products. I would have supported a limited amount of animal experimentation for the development of medicines.  
  
On the one hand, thank for testing technique so that a thousand people all over the world can be saved and against a lot of dangerous deceases. Rat and monkey have similar biology structure with a human that professors choose to test on them. One result of this is that it can open a new age with the revolution of medicines. Furthermore, experiments can decrease the number of people who were died each year. I believed that animal experiments can decrease the quality of the health care system.  
  
On the other hand, opponents of animal testing often claimed that it is cruel and inhumanity. Firstly, it makes an animal suffer repetitive motion injuries. For instants, professors have to put a chemical on the animal's body every day for searching the effect of that medical or vaccine. As a result, the animal was died devastatingly and may on the brink of extinction. All humans are created equal but do they care about animal equally. Otherwise, I believed that it has a lot of ways to test the safety of other products which can replace the animal.  
  
Taking into consideration, it brings a lot of benefits for human although it is wrong in the moral ground and harmful for animal. Above all, with the development, I believed that it has a different way for professors to testing
@haotran1198  
Hi there!  
  
Welcome to the forum. Let me assist you with your essay.  
  
First and foremost, it is critical that you ensure that you optimize the space you have in your essay. You can do this through removing irrelevant and unnecessary words (*this includes filler words*). Emphasize only on areas that you wish to pay attention to.  
  
Secondly, make sure that you use a more academic tone when you are writing. Doing this will help you create more formality in your essay.  
  
Lastly, I would be cautious of the way that you transition between your sentences. Organic transitioning can help you immensely establish more of a natural tone.  
  
Remember to only incorporate lines that are necessary for establishing your thoughts.  
  
*Best of luck as always!*
*Please evaluate my essay. Thank you*  
  
## children's excessive habit of gaming

  
  
**Topic: Today many children spend a lot of time on playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?**  
  
Children nowadays dedicate a significant part of their time to video games instead of physical activities. This phenomenon stems from a host of factors, ranging from the improvements in game design to the negligence of parents. I opine that this development would be detrimental to a child's growth.  
  
Game designers are striving to keep their players online for longer and parents appear reluctant to address this. Online games now have great visuals, a fascinating storyline, and a reward system, which makes playing games more appealing than playing sports. Specifically, gamers can gain instant rewards without going out and draining their bodies. Parents are also to blame as they give their offspring the permission and the tools. For example, Vietnamese parents are being heavily criticized for permitting their children to use smartphones nonstop, in return for their obedience, such as finishing their meals.  
  
Excessive gaming impacts children negatively. Firstly, they may not engage in healthy social interactions, hence their lack of social skills in the future. Studies have suggested that real-life interactions help to hone children's soft skills and adapt their behaviors to social norms, which is critical to their competence in adulthood. Additionally, spending to much time on games adversely affect children's health. Heavy focus on computer games instead of working out would not only impair the body's growth but also severely affect mental stability.  
  
In conclusion, parents' carelessness and sophisticated game technologies are the culprits for children's excessive habit of gaming. Young individuals should be restricted to playing games less and be encouraged to engage in sports with their peers, as it benefits their social life and wellbeing.
@greynd  
*Hi there!*  
  
I'll do my best to help you with your essay.  
  
First and foremost, you would find it beneficial if you can omit unnecessary and irrelevant words in your text. Doing this will sharpen your content, creating more optimal sentences. Once you have polished this, you will have more space to tackle essential parts of your essay. Remember that depth cannot be attained if you cannot expound your content.  
  
Secondly, consistency is important when you are writing. Make sure that the forms of the words you are using are all aligned with one another. This will help you create a more formal language in your essay.  
  
Thirdly, be cautious of the way you transition between your sentences. I have noticed that you have a tendency to create baffling and inorganic (unnatural) transitions. These do not assist your essay in the long-run. You need to establish a more firm boundary.  
  
With these things in mind, **let's revise a few parts of your essay** to give you a clearer picture of what I mean by these comments.  
  
Game designers ~~are striving~~ strive to keep their players longer online; ~~for longer and~~ parents appear...  
... great visuals, ~~a fascinating~~ storylines, and ~~a~~ reward systems, ~~which makes~~causing playing games to be more appealing than ~~playing~~ sports. ~~Specifically, g~~Gamers can ... ~~going out and~~ draining their bodies. ... give their ~~offspring~~ children ...  
  
I hope this has helped somehow. *Best of luck in your writing!*
Hi there,  
I think your opinion in the essay is quite clear, with a wide range of vocabularies you have used.  
However, I think that you should add more examples so that they can help your essay more convinced. LIke, you should mention what soft skills children could improve when playing outdoor (teamwork skill, problem-solving), what health problems (eyes strain, obesity) children may have when playing games.  
  
Another advice is that you should use more linking words before giving your explainations, like you can use In fact, To explain. I think it will help your essay's coherence.  
  
Hope that my comments will be helpful for you, you can also give my essay some advice to if you can.
## Percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world

  
  
These following pie charts compare the proportion of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world. In the industrial field, Europe and North America are two areas which have the highest percentage of using water with 53% and 48% respectively. The lowest proportion of industrial use is in central Asia, which is 5%. I agricultural use, central Asia contrast accounts for the largest percentage 88%, then right below it is Africa, South East Asia, South America with 84%, 81%, and 71% respectively. North America and Europe are at the bottom line with 39% and 32%. In domestic use, South America accounts for the greatest percentage of using water with 19%, follow up by Europe and North America with 15% and 13%. Both central Asia and South East Asia have the same amount of 7% which is the lowest proportion. Higher a bit than these areas is in Africa with 9%. Overall, it is clear that water is used for agriculture accounts for the largest percentage among the three purposes.
@nhant  
*Hi* there!  
  
It would be beneficial and helpful if you could provide the pie chart (any figure/data included) next time you approach the forum in order to help you fully assess the writing that you have. With that being said, I'll do my best to help you.  
  
When you are writing technical compositions, ensure that you are always *straightforward*. Because there's a lot of numbers involved, it would be better if you could provide a more comprehensive outlook through *being clear with your words*. Be cautious of the way that you connect your terminologies altogether as there are often more appropriate ways to compose. When you're transitioning between thoughts, it would also be helpful if you can use more organic or natural techniques. Doing all of these altogether will help you optimize your writing.  
  
Best of luck in your writing.
## presenting ex-criminals' experiences to children

  
  
Many criminals nowadays become good citizens after being released from prison. It is believed that they are the most suitable people to talk to children about the horror of committing crimes. Personally, I agree with this idea.  
  
On the one hand, It is the fact that the way children are taught about criminal activities is quite boring. The traditional approach, having teachers who citing laws is extremely theoretical and uninteresting. Therefore, students will find it no interest in following to these classes. Having police officers sharing about crime experience is outdated and it just relates to one side of the story. As a result, it is clear that having a ex-criminals to share their own stories and how they turned to be good citizens would definitely a valuable experience for toddlers. For example, in Vietnam, the students always have a chance to see s.o who did a wrong thing but then realized their mistakes and strive to become better.  
  
On the other hand, it is obvious why there are concerns about ex-cons being closed to their students. Firstly, there fear that students who didn't have deep understanding about the truth, consequently they will try to imitate these unethical behaviors, which leads to the increase of crime rate. However, these concerns should not be concerned at all. The ex-cons are mostly law abiding, therefore they may not harm children by telling mislead information. In addition to this, the meetings always be supervised strictly by teachers and parents, so it would be totally safe for these pupils.  
  
In conclusion, although many people would argue that ex-criminals' experiences would be harmful, I believe that this is a innovative way to teach educate children on the dangers of breaking the laws.  
  
Please help me
@tunghs15217  
*Hello!*  
  
I see that you're new to the forum. Welcome! Let me help you with your essay.  
  
First and foremost, I have observed that you have issues when it comes to the forms of your words. Make sure that you abide by conventional writing practices. Doing this will let you maximize your essay's potential because you'll have more space for interpretative expressions. Depth will be better attained through this as well.  
  
That being said, I suggest that you look into the transition between your thoughts/phrases/sentences. It is noticeable how you use these cookie cutter statements instead of relying on more organic transitions. While these generalized transitions may be beneficial for you as they let you have more organized thoughts, I'd say that using more formal language can help you have more hold over the essay's overall outlook.  
  
In that context, please do use appropriate terminologies that are in line with academic essays. Doing this would help you elevate your writing style.  
  
**Let's revise a few parts of your essay as a brief illustration of what these mean.**  
  
On the one hand, the way we teach children about criminal activities is uneventful. The traditional approach~~,~~ of ~~having~~ teachers who ~~citing~~cite laws is ~~extremely~~solely theoretical ~~and uninteresting~~. ~~Therefore, s~~Students will find ~~it~~ no interest in ~~following to~~ these classes. Having police officers ~~sharing~~share about crime experiences is outdated ~~and it just ... the story~~. ~~As a result, it is clear that h~~Having ~~a~~ ~~ex-~~previously detained criminals ~~to~~ share their ~~own~~ stories and how they ~~turned to be~~became good citizens would ~~definitely~~be a valuable experience ~~for toddlers~~.  
  
Try utilizing a different example at the very end instead of the one you have now. If you can retell a personal story of a policy like this in real life, it would be preferred than including a blanket statement that does not lead to anything much. Avoid these generalized examples as they do not add depth to your essay. Substantiation is the key.  
  
I hope I helped. Best of luck in your writing!
*Hi guys, while I was wandering around on the Internet and see this interesting topic makes me want to practice with it now @@. Feel free to comment and give me feedbacks ( it would be better if u give me a band score too : V )*  
  
Topic:  
**SCIENCE WILL SOON MAKE PEOPLE LIVE UP TO 100 OR EVEN 200 YEARS. SOME BELIEVE THIS IS A GOOD THING WHILE OTHERS DISAGREE. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION!!!**  
  
My essay:  
In the future, scientists will soon have the capability to make humanity live longer. Some people think this is beneficial while others oppose. This essay will discuss both standpoints and shall give my comment later. (am I doing this right ?)  
  
First of all, people having a longer lifetime is actually great in various aspects. The first one is obvious, people can enjoy more in their life, such as foods they never taste, places they never go as well as things they never see. Secondly, there are still myriads of intelligent people such as scientists in the world who can contribute a lot more for this community and it would be sad if they die so early. In other words, having a longer life span can help them reach more helpful achievements.  
  
Nevertheless, everything has its dark side and this is not exceptional. To elaborate, imagine there are still bad people outside namely criminals, terrorists and suchlike can lengthen their life. What can be worse more is this, people will suffer more pains, tears, threats, living in a dangerous world where they do not know the when death coming in any seconds just because of bombs as well as other explosions. (lol this part makes me so emotional that makes me throw all out :))  
  
Although it can be dangerous as I stated, I would choose the former opinion due to this problem can also be solved. To prevent this disaster, education needs to be improved a lot more, making children realize that crime and suchlike is a really serious bad job which can affect others and it is not worth for their tiny, selfish benefits. Even this happens, our technology needs to be supreme enough that can counter those deadly criminal activities.  
  
In conclusion, having a longer life has its pros and cons, but in my personal point, humanity will gain benefits if they can handle those upcoming difficulties.  
  
*Wish luck to all students at here having a great IELTS band score :D*