dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hello. I think this essay is less than 250 word so you should write more to meet the requirements. There are also some errors related to your use of grammar and vocabulary here. For example:  
  
Firstly, ~~numbers~~  *a great number* of ... losing their habitat~~ion~~ due to ~~the~~ deforestation and ~~polluting oceans~~ *sea pollution*  
  
the ~~increase~~  *rise* of the global ~~climate~~  *warming* is one of the major causes of ~~unbalance biodiversity~~ *loss of biodiversity*  
  
I also think that your presentation is not clear in this essay. With the resoning that plants and animals are losing their living spaces due to "deforestation" and pollution at sea, then you should be more specific in the next sentence, such as how deforestation is destroying the habitat of living creatures in the forests or how the pollution in the oceans is killing animals worldwide. Here is my suggestion:  
  
*Many species of plants and animals are losing their habitat due to deforestation and sea pollition. Tree destruction can lead to many animals being deprived of the place where they build nests or climb onto. In the underwater world, the disposal of contaminants from industrial activities is likely to release dangerous chemicals into the ocean, making the surrounding water inhabitatable for sea creatures.*  
  
[Now, species are losing their home because trees are cut down (deforestation) and people are releasing toxic chemicals from industrial acitivites into the ocean (sea pollution)]  
  
I think that for other parts, you have presented a clearer explanation of the causes and sollutions but there can be some modifications too such as inserting linking words to make the connection between ideas more present for the viewers.  
  
Your conclusion, however, should be added more because it appears that this is a single sentence and it cannot actually make up a full paragraph. I think that 2-3 more sentences would suffice.
You may write up to 3 reasoning paragraphs for any Task 2 essay. The reason this maximum paragraph number was given is because the test taker is being given enough room to thoroughly explain yourself in English. Additionally, every paragraph should have only one topic sentence and up to 5 justification sentences. In your essay, you tried to discuss 2 topics in one paragraph, which led to lack of clarity in your discussion and an error in your paragraph formatting. Please utilize the 3 paragraph format when you feel that you have more than 1 justification discussion to present. Otherwise, your essay becomes weak in terms of discussion presentation and ability to clearly explain your position to the reader.  
  
Please avoid run-on sentences in your paraphrasing both in the introduction and conclusion of your essay. This is the reason why you came in under the word count. The lacking words will be deducted from your TA score. Your conclusion is not a proper concluding summary. It will add to your points deductions because you did not properly summarize the body of your discussion. Had you done a proper summary, you would not have been short on the minimum word count. You would have been either at the word count requirement or, over just enough over the word count to gain better scoring considerations overall.
## Destination of uk students (2008)

  
  
The graphs below give information about works students attained a bachelor's degree or higher in the UK do, excluding full-time employments, after graduation in 2008.  
  
Overview, there is a huge difference in the figure for voluntary work and further study, whilst there is a small dissimilarity in term of correspondence between the types of jobs that graduate and postgraduate chose.  
  
Regarding quantity, the further study holds the most dominant position on the chart at 29,665 graduate and 2,725 postgraduate. By contrast, the voluntary work seemed not to be attractive to alumni. For its part, the figure for unemployed is around half as many as for further study.  
  
It is clear that the figures for 3 of 4 given types of work picked by graduate were 10 times higher than that by postgraduate, including voluntary work, further study and unemployment as stood at 345, 2725 and 1625 students respectively. Yet, there was a difference in the correlation of part-time work between postgraduates and graduate as the number of postgraduate for this activity was almost the same as for further study while the number of graduate is around half.  
  
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## funds for human aspects or wildlife protection?

  
  
**Topic: Some people think that a huge amount of time and money is spent on the protection of wild animals and that this could be better spent on the human population. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
It is thought that a vast amount of time and money is allocated to human aspects, rather than the wildlife protection. I totally disagree with this view because of the following reasons.  
  
People should invest their resources to the protection of animals in wildlife for various reasons. Firstly, wild creatures play an essential and irreplaceable role in human's life as well as production. To be specific, in terms of agriculture, pollinating insects such as bumblebees help to produce seeds for many of crop plants, therefore, the decline in such insects has provoked so much concern. Moreover, in terms of economic aspect, wildlife is the cornerstone of tourism, which has the effect of boosting the economy as well as creating many jobs. Human fascination with the wild animals is a driving force to develop the tourism and the economy in local areas.  
  
Secondly, wild species are vulnerable to face threats from natural diseases such as fire, floods and droughts, and human activities such as hunting, poaching, and land-use practices. Meanwhile, the vanishing of one species can seriously impact on the existence of many others, setting off a chain reaction leading to the imbalanced ecosystem. For example, the near-extinction of gray wolves restored in the Yellowstone National Park due to overhunting leads to the significant decrease in beaver populations. This is because plants that are an important nutrient of beavers for winter survival are more heavily grazed by elk, without the wolf as its predator.  
  
In conclusion, the importance of wild animals to a continued human existence has never been more obvious than today. They contribute to the development of human life from agriculture to economy aspect. Furthermore, they play a vital role in well-balanced ecosystems. Therefore, it is necessary to spend myriad time as well as money resources to inhibit them from extinction.
You are short by one sentence in the paraphrase. A complete paragraph is 3-5 sentences long. This is not a complex sentence presentation. It is just a very long sentence. Remember, you need to provide 3 separate representations for:  
  
- Topic  
- Reason 1  
- Reason 2  
- Response to the question posed  
  
Your response to the question is too mechanical. It is practically a memorized response. You need to make is sound less memorized so say something like; "I have a very strong opposition to this presentation." You don't need to say "following reasons", create a fluid discussion instead. Stop at a strong opposition then kick off the reasoning paragraph with a topic sentence. That shows a clarity of thought and coherence in the presentation.  
  
Don't discuss several reasons in one paragraph. The paragraph is stronger when you offer strong discussion reasons for your topic sentence. The examiner is looking for a clear discussion, supported by strong examples in the paragraph. Giving 2 not so well explained reasons just creates an incoherent and non-cohesive paragraph presentation.  
  
Your concluding paragraph is incorrectly formatted. I did not see a reverse paraphrase in it, which is what the concluding summary requires. Instead, the essay is open ended. You did not really prove that you are able to restate your own reasoning in 2 ways, which is the point of the concluding summary.
Your essay lacks cohesion and a little bit stiff (maybe try working on the format of the essay by reading samples essays. You should also paraphrase the prompt when writing introductions and conclusions, you may get a more points for task response in that way.  
  
You should also discuss the topic more thoroughly. For example, you can also talk about why we should not spend money on animals. In that way, your essay will have depth. Check out samples essays on sites.
## variety of livestock and fish consumption

  
  
The line graph give information about a variety of livestock and fish that people in Europe consume from 1979 to 2004.As can be seen from the figure, there are different consumption for different meat and fish.  
  
At the glance of data demonstrates that there was a dramatic increase in number of chicken by European over 25 year period.In contrast to chicken ,it is noticeable that the lamb and beef declined between 1979 and 2004.  
  
The consumption of chicken was approximately 150 grams in 1979, than skyrocketed to 250 in the year of 2004. Although the beef was the most popular of these food ,with about 100 grams, increasing at the beginning. It is rapidly about 100 grams in 1986.  
  
It is obvious that from the data that the lamp full down steadily from 150 grams to 60 over 25 year period. It is interesting to note that fish was remain stable about 60 grams for per person per week.  
  
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The bar chart illustrates the number of male and female students chosing certain university topis in the specific 2005.  
It is clear that the number of students chosing social sciences in university was highest in all 8 subjects. Remarkably, the number of men was higher than that of women in the sciences, mathematics, law, literature, the opposite was true for the others in 2005.  
  
The number of males selecting sciences in university was twice as high as that of females, at about 22 and 11 thousand people respectively, compared to nearly 19 thousand men joining mathematics were high fourfold the number of women, at roughly 4 thousand. For literature and law class, the number of males was more than the number of females at about from 4 to 5 million people.  
  
It is remarkable that Social Sciences was the most attractive to women students, with around 24 thousand students, compared to about 18 million females and 2 million males participating in the Languages class. While the number of women joining the humanities class was equal the figure for men, at about 11 million, the arts lesson was taken part in by most of female.  
  
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You have a few spelling errors in the essay that call attention to your lack of English spelling ability ( chosing = choosing, topic = topics). The summary overview is not complete as it does not indicate:  
  
- the 8 subjects  
- the measurement type  
  
The overview should represent all of the pertinent information that will be used for the comparison discussion. So when you neglect to inform the reader about the 8 subjects, which were indicated in the chart, you are not delivering complete information to the reader. Remember, you are scored on the accuracy of your report. So make sure you identify and include all related information in the overview portion.  
  
The task 1 test is a direct data reporting essay. Therefore, you should not be offering an opinion such as "It is remarkable..." Just report on the data as presented in the essay. You are not writing an opinion essay, which is what the Task 2 essay represents. Don't make opinions in task 1 essays.  
  
Try to avoid using the Oxford comma in these task 1 presentations. That is how you lower your GRA score. You end up creating run-on instead of complex sentences. Always use a period to indicate the start of a new sentence with related information. Formulate the sentence in a complex manner rather than simply trying to string together the information in one presentation. The criteria for a paragraph indicates a 3-5 sentence presentation. Using only 2 sentences means you are not properly formatting the paper, even if you do meet the word count requirement.
## Moving to low-density residential areas

  
  
Nowadays, urban sprawl is a global trend for many reasons and leaves more effects on cities. Urban sprawl which means that cities are expanding often in an uncontrolled way is the movement of a population from populated cities to low-density residential development. According to surveys, the UN World Urbanization Prospects estimates 4.1 billion people who live in urban in 2017 and urbanization in the world has been dramatically increasing. First of all, cities are overpopulated and do not have enough space for people to live. The centers always attract numerous laborers from the countryside or suburbs because of the developing economy and high standard of life. More and more people come to municipal zones that make cities overcrowded. On the other hand, housings and lands are complicated matters to resolve.in build-up patterns. Due to the expensive prices and the lack of accommodation locations, people will tend to move to places that have lower cost lands and houses like rural areas or small provinces. The process of urbanization is happening rapidly follow from the migration of population from urban areas to rural lands or around areas; it that brings impacts on the whole regions. Hence, the economy and standard of living are getting better in agricultural areas. In short, drastic changes in living patterns will be a result of urban sprawl.
The presentation could use more formatting. It is too compressed on the page, making it difficult to read. Use paragraphs to discuss various sections representing the topic. Each related topic needs to have its own paragraph. It helps make it easier to understand on the reader's part. You need to perfect your English word usage. For example, people live in urban areas, they do not live in urban. Also, when referring to researched information, you need to cite your source. That gives your essay a more authoritative slant and gives the readers verified information instead of just simple information. The work you did in this essay is not bad for a simple practice exercise. You show that you have somewhat control of word formation and sentence structures. You show the potential to eventually become a writer with a strong control of the written English language. Keep practicing. You will get there.
## The way the electricity energy is utilized

  
  
The pipe chart give information about how different electricity energy utilized in two countries in the years 1980 and 2000.  
  
To summary,it is interesting to note that the total production was almost increase twofold from 1980 to 2000. As can be seen from the chart, at the beginning of the period coal made the lowest contribution in Australia , maintaining first place in 2000.In contrast,it is noticeable that the nuclear power do not play a critical role in 1980, but it was the most significant if the electricity energy in France in the year of 2000.  
  
In Australia,the production of coal was 50 units in 1980 and had a drastic growth of 80 units in 2000.On the contrast , at the beginning to the period ,natural gas and oil up 20 units and 10 units respectively,and these charts decline to both 2 unit in 2000.  
  
It is clear from the charts that natural gas increased from 15 units to 126 over the 20 year period in France .In 1980, the natural gas and hydro power were 25 units and 5 units respectively and decreased by 13 units and 3 units after the 20 year period.
Overall, you should work on your grammar and your choice of words as your essay is stiff and kind of puzzling.  
your introduction should be paraphrased, in that way you will have a better chance of scoring high.  
Your overview should be brief, and should only contain IMPORTANT INFORMATION such as trends, largest figures, etc.  
A few things you should notice:  
"twofold" only goes before a noun, "double' should be the word in this case  
'On the contrast' seems wrong- it should be "by contrast' or "on the contrary"  
'drastic' is for something negative and should not be used with "growth"- you can use other adjectives such as sharp, significant, considerable,etc.  
Therefore:  
1. Focus more on perfecting your grammar  
2. It is good to learn from other writers but you must learn how to use the phrases and structures properly  
3. a variety of word forms and sentences( especially comparisons) must be included in your essay
You forgot to upload the image for this presentation. I cannot accurately review your work without the image. Let me give you a standard grammar review instead. Please remember to upload the image next time.  
  
You are too reliant on Oxford commas for your presentation. You should be relying on periods instead. The Oxford comma creates a difficult to understand presentation. Learn how to format your thought into single sentences. That will help keep the paragraph clear and allow you to create connected sentences. Remember the basic criteria for each paragraph. It has to be composed of 3-5 sentences. Without it, you will have very low GRA scores.  
  
The rest of the problems with your essay have to do with word usage. You show a beginners level of English language usage. You do not know when and how to use certain English words yet. Those errors are what pulled down your score severely for this presentation. It would be better if you do English sentence structure exercises before you continue with your practice essays. You need to learn to control your word formation so that you can score higher in the LR and GRA section.
## ielts Line graph about car theft in four countries

  
  
The line graph illustrates car thefts in Great Britain, France, Sweden and Canada from 1990 to 1999. Unit was measured in thousand.  
Overall, the rate of car theft in Britain topped the list throughout the 9-year period. Meanwhile, there was a downward trend in the rates in both France and Canada.  
  
In detail, the figures for vehicles thefts in Britain tallied about 17 thousands cases in 1990 before increase to 20 thousands cases 6 years later. Although it saw a drop in the end of the period, Britain was still reported the most cases among four countries. This was closely followed by Sweden where an average of 8 thousands cars were stolen in the initial year. Then, the rates significantly surged to 12 thousands thefts before peaking at 14 thousands thefts.  
  
In stark contrast, the cases of car theft shrank from 7 thousands to 5 thousands after 3 years, but it slightly rebounded to 6 thousands after a 9-year period. In addition, the figures for car theft in France peaked at 8 thousands, exceeding Canada's rates and being reported the same figures in comparison with Sweden in 1991.  
  
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There was a bit of information that you forgot to include in your summary overview. You could have written 4 sentences and shows a thorough summary of the indicated information had you remembered to explain that the theft measurements ended in December of 1999. A statement saying the following would have sufficed:  
  
*The measurements were measured regularly until the close of the year in December 1999.*  
  
This measurement end indication would have thoroughly completed the presentation and shown that you fully understood the importance of all the given data in the line graph.  
  
There is no plural form for thousand. You cannot say "thousands" as that is an error in the noun phrase presentation. Repeatedly making this mistake in your essay will result in GRA points deductions.  
  
Remember that you are describing the information "in progress" therefore, a reference to the future increase must be made. the future form of increase must be used which is "increasing". Again, GRA scoring for your essay will be affected.  
  
Most of your errors in this essay are grammar based. One of the other errors that I noticed was the lack of use of the Oxford comma when listing the names of the countries in the summary overview. You cannot simply go to the word "and..." without first indicating a comma as a separator for the information.  
  
Since most of the numerical references in the chart are based on approximations, you should have used more terms of uncertainty in the essay when referring to the numerical data. This is in contrast to the measurements where actual figures are indicated. Since there is no solid figure given, estimations reflect the uncertainty of the given information. Be certain in your data presentation when it is clearly indicated in the chart, offer a close guess when no figure is indicated. You need to learn to be able to tell the difference. You need to understand when you use actual figures in a certain presentation, and when to use estimates using "uncertainty" in your presentation. This will show that you understand the intricacies of a detailed report and that you are focused on the accuracy of the report rather than the word count.
## statistics of australian population

  
  
*Prompt: The table and pie chart give information about population in Australia according to different nationalities and areas*  
  
My answer:  
The table and pie chart illustrate the proportion of people living in Australia in terms of their origins and location. There are five main nationalities represented in the charts, namely Australian, British, New Zealander, Chinese and Dutch. It is clear that native Australian is responsible for the majority of the population in the country, however making up the least proportion of city dwellers (80%).  
  
The population in Australia is composed of 73% native Australian, followed by which is British with 7%. New Zealander, Chinese and Dutch made up for 3%, 2% and 1% of the population respectively. The rest people living in Australia have an origin from other countries.  
  
Even though Chinese made up less than Australian in terms of population, it stood out as the nationality with the highest percentage of city inhabitants (99%) and also the lowest percentage of people living in countryside area. The proportion of city dwellers from New Zealand is lower than China by 9%, which was higher than Britain by 1%. Conversely, countries such as Australia and Netherlands have a larger share of people accomodating in countryside areas, with 20% and 17% respectively.  
  
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When you write a report based on 2 different charts, make sure that you identify which type of chart you are presenting information for in the presentation. Remember, the assumption here is that the examiner will not have a copy of the image to base your report in. Without your identification of the type of image you are discussing, the examiner will tend to get confused and be unable to reconcile the data with the correct image. This will affect your TA plus C&C score.  
  
As you write the summary overview, remember that you are supposed to present a trending statement that does not yet include any information from the chart. The trending statement talks about highs and lows while keeping the actual information for the body of the essay. The summary overview in the Task 1 test is equivalent to the prompt restatement in Task 2. Both sections do not require actual data presentation immediately. By the way, don't present information in a parenthesis. It is always part of the actual discussion, never an optional discussion.  
  
Remember that each sentence needs to clearly represent information from the image. Your second paragraph is lacking in the 3 sentence requirement to meet the minimum standards for a paragraph. You should make sure to divide the information into individual sentences so as to meet the sentence requirement per paragraph and also, allow you the opportunity to clearly explain your data interpretation.