dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Ielts Task 2 Essay. Problem Solution Essay

  
  
**People who live in large cities face a range of Problems in their daily life.What are the most significant of these problems? How can these problems be tackled?**  
  
Living in large urban areas has turned into the most attractive choice of many. While inhabiting major cities offer a multitude of opportunities, mega-city dwellers face a large number of issues on every day of their lives. This essay will examine some of these problems and then propose some possible solutions.  
  
To begin with, traffic congestion is a serious issue which everyone living in a big city has been struggling with. The increasing number of personal vehicles in addition to the low cost of fuels has led to bumper-to bumper traffic and gridlocks in these cities. To address this problem, governments should provide not only more frequent but also high quality public transportation. Furthermore, more publicity campaign must be done to encourage using bikes and other not-motorist and clean modes of transportation.  
  
Another major issue, is high price of property. For many, buying a small house in such cities is a dream that can never be fulfilled. Statistics show that more that 50% of a city-inhabitant is spent on accommodation. Take Hong Kong as an example, to rent s one meter square accommodation, more than 200 us dollars is charged. To solve this, governments should put more resources into affordable housing and they should provide more subsidies to lessen the burdens of buying a decent house for people with low financial capabilities.  
  
To conclude, dwelling in a major city, considering its many benefits they bring about, is full of different issue, which cannot be fully addressed. The government should start tackling these issues such as traffic congestion and the high costs of accommodation, otherwise living in large cities would be the last choice one might make.
Mahdi, aim for clarity in your sentence presentations. While meeting the minimum word count is important, you should learn to do that using words that give a better meaning to your presentation rather than several words that add confusion to your presentation. For example, instead of saying "a large number of issues", you could simply say "many issues". The latter phrase creating clarity in the presentation as opposed to "a large number of issues" which makes the reader think about what you are trying to say. As for your sentence structure, simple errors like a missing hyphen in high-quality and one-meter can help to increase the complexity of your sentence presentation as per GRA standards.  
  
Observing your discussion style, it is obvious to me that you do not know how to respond to a direct question essay yet. In this instance, there are two direct questions being asked:  
  
1. What are the most significant of these problems?  
2. How can these problems be tackled?  
  
Both these questions require direct responses in the prompt paraphrase as the basis of your thesis presentation. The 2 significant problems need to be presented along with the one or 2 possible solutions to the problems. The related and complete discussions should be presented in a 2reasoning paragraph format.  
  
In this type of essay, you must use connecting phrases or sentences to connect 2 related ideas in one paragraph. Therefore, rather than presenting 2 reasons in 2 separate paragraphs, you must present the problems as 2 connected problems in one paragraph. The problems must show a connection to one another in order to meet the cohesiveness and coherence requirement of the essay as indicated in the first question response requirement. At least 2 connected solutions must also be presented in the solution discussion paragraph. Your current presentation does not score well in this aspect because of the lack of connection in the discussion of both questions.  
  
The biggest error in this essay is that you discussed the requirement for a solution as simply saying the government has to solve it when the prompt is asking what you can do to help solve the problem. Those are two different things. Also, the solution cannot be discussed as the concluding paragraph. The concluding paragraph must never continue the discussion because that last paragraph is called the concluding summary. Which means you merely remind the reviewer about the topic for the discussion and the proposed solutions, with a concluding sentence to close the essay. Try to read the sample direct question essays at this forum for a better idea as to how you can approach the various question styles provided.
**Topic:  
Some people say that TV advertisements have benefits, while others believe the opposite. Discuss both views, give your own opinion and include examples from your experience.**  
  
I am trying to score 8 in IELTS writing but I am getting 6.5. I have already attempted 3 times. Please help me by reviewing my answer below to above topic .  
  
**Answer:**  
  
## the advertisements are not useful

  
  
The introduction of television was one of the major breakthrough during the 20th century.Originally the television which is also abbreviated as TV was used for the commercial purposes only, but, soon it got launched into the public domain. This was considered as a highly important milestone, as, this was the medium to reach out to the masses and communicate messages.  
  
The capability of TV to reach out masses attracted a lot of people with business interest and they started to brainstorm- the possibility of positioning their products in the minds of populations using this new medium. The idea was far more success unlike thought originally and the profits for the business houses doubled and tripled soon.  
  
Without much realization, the advertisements soon became part of lives for masses. Though till date different sections of population debate on the usefulness of these advertisements to the end-users.  
  
Some point-out, that, the advertisements are helpful as these help people learn about new products in the market, the information on location of a particular new hypermarket, health products, etc. They also serve as useful breaks for someone who might like to stretch in between watching a movie just to ensure the enough levels of physical activity.  
  
While other argue, if, there is someone who wishes to buy a product or a service, he or she does not need an advertisement to know about the same. The information can be researched using the internet. Also, they point out that the advertisements waste precious time of a person who has actually bought a paid subscription and is enjoying a movie. In literal terms as time is considered money. It's either the advertisers help me save my time or my money. May be they can pay for my subscription and then they are free to use some of my time.  
  
Besides, one can imagine, the impact on psychic state of a child watching a cola advertisement, where, his favorite hero is doing stunts after two sips of the cola.  
  
Considering the various reasons, in my opinion, the advertisements are not really useful and policies should be implemented in order to discontinue the existing trend.
Sorry, I accidentally posted the comment when it had not been done yet.  
  
Hi @awahidt3, I have some opinion about your essay:  
  
1/ I've recognized that you have some major unnecessary grammar mistakes:  
  
1/ You have some grammar mistakes:  
breakthroughs. The word "major breakthrough" is a tautology.  
~~the~~ enough. I don't think there is an article before the word "enough"  
different date. An adjective should be before a Noun.  
And so on. You might want to have a look at the grammar.  
  
2/ You are so far away from the topic. It requires you to discuss "TV advertisement benefits" from both points of view. You divided the topic to Tv, Advertisement and benefits, which extremely confused readers. They do not know what are you discussing.  
  
3/ You might want to consider your essay structure because it doesn't look connected together. We don't need 3 paragraphs for an introduction.  
  
4/ You are over limited words (around 100 words)
**Wild animals have no place in the 21st century, so protecting them is a waste of resources.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?**  
  
## MONEY FOR WILDLIFE PROTECTION

  
  
Despite more animals are under major threat due to human, some people think that it is a waste of time, effort and money to protect wild animals because they are of no use to human. I completely disagree with this opinion.  
  
It appears to me that wild animals have contributed substantially to the ecosystem and human's life. Wild animals are a crucial part of a healthy ecosystem, because each animal has a unique place in the natural food chain. If an animal dies out, it will disturb the whole food chain and lead to disastrous consequences. For instance, as a result of large carnivores being poached, herbivores, which have no predators, will soar in number and move to agricultural lands to meet their growing food demand. In addition, for aesthetic values, wild animals beautify the Earth and their natural attractiveness has captured numerous people's heart, as shown in human's interest in wildlife safaris worldwide.  
  
Because of their importance, in my opinion, it is not wasteful to spend national budget on protecting wild animals. One way of saving wild animals is preserving their natural habitats, which are also essential to human's survival. For example, forests, which are home to plenty of wild animals, help human prevent soil erosion and flooding as well as regulate the Earth's climate. Another method is building more wildlife sanctuaries, which provide not only a safe, secure environment for endangered species but also an attraction for nature lovers and a source of income for localities.  
  
In conclusion, wildlife plays a great role in human's life, therefore it should be preserved.
Moon, you should be using the verb "being under major threat" instead of verb "are". This paragraph has a singular-plural problem as you refer to "human" in connection to "people". The proper plural reference "humans" must be used in connection with the term "people" which is the plural form of "person". The opening paragraph is also a run-on sentence. Please remember to split-up your paragraphs into short or medium length sentences for clarity and conciseness.  
  
You cannot say that "It appears to me" because the proper phrase is "It appears to be that... " or the simpler "it appears that..." which both means you are delivering an impression of something. By saying "It appears that", you would be totally omitting a direct reference and keeping it general instead to avoid any confusion in the phrase usage. Do not use the ownership form "human's" when you mean to use the collective form "humans" in reference to the ecosystem. Do not say "dies out" as that is a redundancy you could use any form of the word "extinction" instead which means a total loss of one species within the ecosystem without possibility of regeneration. The additional information at the end of the second paragraph is under discussed and creates an under developed paragraph and confusing paragraph presentation.  
  
You cannot use the word "because" to start a sentence as there is no previous thought process to connect in the presentation. You could instead say "Due to their importance..." Which creates a more authoritative presentation of your thought process for that sentence. Regardless of these errors, you are not being asked for a solution as there is no problem presented in the essay. This is only a discussion essay, not a solution essay. So your last paragraph is totally out of place and creates an incorrect discussion presentation of the prompt requirements. You will only be scored on the applicable areas of your discussion which will result in a less than minimum word count, for which you will receive point deductions in the final scoring consideration. The second reasoning paragraph should have clearly explained why you believe that the animals need to be protected, You could have used the under developed aesthetic discussion in that paragraph instead, which would have resulted in a well developed discussion presentation.  
  
I am sure you already know what the problem with your concluding paragraph is as I keep reminding you of that error yet you keep doing it. What is the concluding basis for your declaration that wildlife should be preserved? Complete the concluding summary.
## Education essay - Ielts writing task 2

  
  
**Topic: Many people argue that in order to improve educational quality, high school students are encouraged to make comments or even criticism on their teachers. Others think it will lead to loss of respect and discipline in the classroom. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.**  
  
Some are in favor of the view that young people should be allowed to make comments or criticism on their teacher to improve the teaching quality, while others say that high school students might be disrespectful and loss the discipline in the classroom. I believe that young people should be encouraged to give their own opinion on their teachers but they must follow the rules in the classroom.  
  
On the one hand, young high school students could be disrespectful to their teacher and break the classroom rules if they are encouraged to make comments or criticism on their teacher. Firstly, there are always a few stubborn pupils who do not go to school to study at all. If their teacher complains them or sends their bad study result to their parents, they will make negatives comment on their teacher. Furthermore, headstrong students might tempt their peers to do bad things in the classroom. They might eat sneakily, chatting, and using mobile phones during studying hours, all of this misbehaviors lead to loss of discipline and brake the classroom regulations.  
  
On the other hand, there are good reasons why young pupils should be encouraged to give some feedback on their teachers. Firstly, some people find that they cannot conceive what their teacher is trying to derive to them, obviously, they need to approach a new style of teaching method or even a new teacher. For instance, a teacher can base on the feedbacks of their student to adopt a new teaching style, like using images and videos to get their attention and they can absorb new knowledge effectively. Secondly, some students with normal and low studying performance feel unfair because their tutor only pays attention to those who always have a high result. As a result, they need to speak their voice to the headmaster to find a solution or change the teaching attitude of that teacher.  
  
In conclusion, I encourage high school students to make comments and give feedback on their teachers to improve the studying quality, although this method has some noticeable drawbacks.
Andy, please note the subtle differences between American and British English spelling. "Favor" rather than the British "favour" or "misbehavior" rather than the British "misbehaviours" are some of the spelling errors in your essay. Knowing the differences in spelling of the two types of English can help you impress the examiner, who in turn just may decide to increase your LR score because of this knowledge of yours.  
  
Please remember that a comma accompanies a conjunction so the term "teachers" in the first paragraph should have a comma after the word, before the next word "but". You also have a noun phrase problem with the term "this misbehaviors". "This indicates a singular form of the word so you cannot use the plural form "behaviors". It should be the singular "behavior" or replace the phrase with the plural form "these behaviors" as "these" is the plural form of "this". These are simple GRA errors that can have a direct effect on the score for that particular band which could result in a lower than expected band score on your part.  
  
As for the content of your discussion, your prompt paraphrase is not proper as it does not represent the correct discussion instruction of the original prompt. Your discussion instruction paraphrase should indicate something similar to:  
  
*Based on a consideration of both points of view, I will be able to formulate my own conclusion regarding this situation.*  
  
As the prompt indicates a discussion of both public points of view through the reference to "Many people..." That means you must show that each public point of view is represented in the discussion paragraphs prior to your personal opinion. That is why I clarified that in the discussion instruction paraphrase I provided here.  
  
Discussing the points of view from "One the one hand" and "On the other hand" does not accurately represent the group-think being represented in the essay. These are default phrases taught to you in IETLS classes and textbooks. These phrases will not help to increase your GRA or C&C score because these words do not show ownership of the public and personal discussion presentations in the reasoning paragraphs. You need to use second or third person references in these presentation parts to show a clear reference to whose point of view is being discussed. The way you have it presented now indicates that all of these views belong to you instead of creating a comparative discussion of a public opinion prior to your personal opinion.  
  
The concluding paragraph is not the place for the personal opinion. This essay is a 5 paragraph discussion. The prompt will always tell you if you have to present a 4 paragraph or 5 paragraph essay presentation. Anything that asks for 2 POV+ Personal POV = 5 paragraphs. The fifth paragraph being the concluding summary, which is similar to the opening prompt paraphrase with the only difference being that the discussion points from the 3 reasoning paragraph will be rephrased in the presentation instead.
SOME PEOPLE BELIEVER THAT LUCK IS THE MOST IMPORTANT FACTOR IN ONE'S SUCCESS. DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?  
  
## *Luck plays an important part in one's success.*

  
  
The belief that success in life depends more on luck is embraced by some people. I, however, disagree with this statement due to several reasons.  
  
There is an element of lack to everyone's career. Whether being born into a wealthy family or being in the right place at the right time. There are those who do nothing but still prosper in life. For example, the lottery winners are considered lucky. The money they won is used for personal pleasure and/or business opportunities that may result to being successful.  
  
However, I completely disagree that luck is the most important factor in one's success. I believe that hard work is what makes a person successful. Aside from that, intelligence and resilience are also essential in one's life. I think that good fortune is the least ingredient to gain success.  
  
As an example, Tiger Woods is by far, the best golfer in the world, not because he is lucky but because he is talented and worked hard to be the greatest. Another famous example of a successful and respectable person is Oprah. As one of the richest and most influential woman in the whole world, with challenges and problems, she got through those by being strong and wise in making decisions. Those characteristics are her ammunitions to survive life and for being at the top of her game.  
  
Therefore, even though the importance of luck is believed by some people to achieve happiness and wealth, I, am in completely disagreement to this idea. As mentioned, there are other factors that can help to a person's success in life, and it does not only happen by chance.
Hi, there are some suggestions I have for your essay:  
Overall, the structure is very good. I have no problems understanding the main ideas.  
  
However, some of your sentences are very confusing and unnatural. For example:  
**There is an element of lack to everyone's career. Whether being born into a wealthy family or being in the right place at the right time.**  
  
I have no idea why you use a full stop here, because it makes the second sentence incomplete. I'd write something like:  
There is always an element of luck to one's success, like being born into a wealthy family or in the right place at the right time.  
  
**There are those who do nothing but still ...**  
It is subjective, but I think that you should use "relies on luck" rather than "do nothing". Even a lottery winner has to purchase at least some lotteries to win, so "doing nothing" is a exaggerate way to say "being lucky" in my opinion.  
  
**For example, the lottery ... The money they won...**  
  
Nothing wrong with these sentences, but I suggest you should combine them into one sentence:  
For example, lottery winners *(you talk about lottery winners in general, so no "the" here),* whose prize money can be used to set up a business that may result in massive wealth. *(some lottery winners do use money for personal pleasure but you don't need to mention it here, as it is unrelated to the idea " being successful")*  
  
Also, you use "I completely disagree" too much. Try another phrase, like "I oppose to" or something else.  
  
Good luck.
Hi there, I have some suggestions for your essay. I hope it helps.  
  
1/ You might want to have a look again on spelling and grammar. There are a lot of words that have an incorrect spelling such as "lack," "ammunitions" etc.; or wrong/confuse sentences and structures.  
  
2/ I think the paragraphs in the essay are not well-connected. It appears to me that the 1st sentence, 1st paragraph is the topic sentence of the 2nd paragraph. Then the 2nd sentence is the topic sentence of the 3rd paragraph and so on. I suggest that your essay should contain an introduction paragraph, which state your idea and what you are going to discuss; supporting paragraph, which explains your idea and conclusion paragraph to close the topic. That will be more comfortable to read.  
  
3/ I figure out that the tone in your essay is quite informal, while this one had to be written in a formal style.
## IELTS Writing Task 2: Agree or Disagree essay

  
  
Here is my latest essay on IELTS Task 2. Please be free to leave your feedbacks. Thanks in advance.  
  
**Topic: Since science and technology are becoming more and more important in modern society, schools should spend more time on teaching these subjects rather than on arts and humanities. To what extent do you agree?**  
  
Based on the notion that science and technology have become increasingly essential in human life, some people believe that there would be many benefits if education gives more priority to these subjects. While I agree that these advantages are undeniable, this is not a sufficiently sound reason to neglect the importance of arts and humanities education.  
  
On the one hand, there are many reasons why putting more emphasis on technological and scientific subjects in school's curriculum would be beneficial. Firstly, students would have more opportunities to broaden their knowledge in these two fields. Given the fact that there is a growing demand for jobs that require scientific and technological expertise nowadays, thus, students who are specialized in science and technology subjects would find it less challenging to find high-paid jobs. In addition to that, when students are equipped with technological and scientific knowledge, it is more likely that in the future, they will have brilliant inventions which are expected to make a major contribution to modern life.  
  
However, it is also necessary to acknowledge the importance of arts and humanities to students. Arts and humanities are commonly believed to help them to gain a better vision of the past and how the world has changed over the time. Therefore, once students are well educated in these two fields, they would not only understand the mistakes made in the past but also be reflected upon the great things that the humanity has accomplished. Besides, it is widely believed that the ultimate mission of education should be the inclusive development of students, thus, arts and humanities deserve a fair share of school's curriculum.  
  
In conclusion, based on reasons above, I believe that arts and humanities should not get less attention than science and technology do in schools today.