dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Please help me to review this writing based on IELTS Task 2 criteria :)  
  
**Question: In light of the current socio-economic situation of the world, do you think this the right time for wildlife preservation? If yes, what are the ways and means you suggest for this?" Give your opinion in no less than 250 words.**  
  
## preventing our wild nature from inexistence - now!

  
  
In today world, the advance development for human being leads to several serious problems into the planet. One of main concerns is the existence of wildlife that currently reduced by human activity. In the future, if humans do not create a strategy to prevent this problem, like a time-bomb, it will explode for a certain of time. It seems to me that there is no best time to save our wild nature except as soon as possible.  
  
The reasons why our wildlife become vulnerable comes from many reasons. First, the human activity such as deforestation contributed more problems in our wildlife existence. For example, in Indonesia, there are many companies that change the function of forest for their own interest. This action will damage our nature as our source of dozen animals and plants come. Concerning about this problem, now is the best time to start a change in order to save our future nature.  
  
In terms of solution, there are many solutions that can be offer to solve this problem. Firstly, human as inhabitants on the earth planet should have a sense of urgency about the problem. They have to aware that they faced a serious problem. By this awareness, people will act and think wisely in order to save wild nature. Secondly, the government should contribute by creating some particular regulations to prevent and punish the companies or individual that against the regulation. The government also can contribute by creating more nature conservation in some regions that vulnerable and have many effects in the world.  
  
To conclude, there is no best time to prevent our wild nature from inexistence except today. Many solutions also can apply as I mentioned above. There is a time to save our wild nature, for our better and sustainable world in the future.
Aulia, for the first time ever in my history of advising here at EF, I am going to be giving the lowest possible score for an IELTS practice test. This essay will get a score of 1 in an actual setting because it does not properly address the task requirements. Since you scored a 1 in terms of Task Accuracy, that means there was clear lack of understanding of the prompt and the discussion instructions on your part. As such, you will automatically fail all the remaining aspects of the test. After all, you cannot be scored properly for the 3 other criteria when you obviously did not understand the question. American students and parents have this not so laughable joke about students who get the lowest possible scores on any test that they take, "You got a 1 for spelling your name right." That is what you did in this essay.  
  
I think the confusion in the discussion of your essay comes from you not really knowing what the meaning of Socioeconomics or social economics (in the long form) is. This term pertains to the *"... social science that studies how economic activity affects and is shaped by social processes. "* As you can probably see from the definition of the term, your essay does not discuss anything remotely related to the definition of the socioeconomy of the world in relation to wildlife preservation. This misunderstanding of the term and its subsequent wrong discussion is what led to your failing score in this essay. In this case, the socioeconomic factors that you were being asked to discuss were in relation to the preservation of wildlife.  
  
Let me be clear. The minute you prove that you did not understand the prompt requirements, you will get a failing score overall. You will not be scored on the remaining criteria as that would mean assessing information not related to the original prompt. I know my statements here are kind of harsh but I have to be in order to open your eyes to one thing, you need to improve your English comprehension skills, lexical resources, and vocabulary understanding. These are the weakest points that you have as per this essay. These are also the points that are considered the most in your test.
hay @ayibramI  
  
it is good for you, because you can manage to write more than 250 words for the first time in writing task 2.  
  
i cannot say much since you failed to answer what the prompt asked about. Please reading and watching some sources related to the outline of Writing Task 2 because it will help you to understand more about IELTS writing task 2. Moreover, paying attention carefully to your grammar accuracy, for example in your first sentence, paragraph 1, *the advance development*  this phrase completely wrong.  
  
Furthermore, your English still sounds like Bahasa and do not have clear explanation. For example, *This action will damage our nature as our source of dozen animals and plants come*. what kinds of source those animal and plants are?. Be careful to use cohesive device like **listing idea** *"first"* in paragraph 1. since you use this kind of term mean that you suppose to mention another ideas, in fact you do not.
@ayibram hello,  
  
I have read your paragraph. First of all I suggest you that read carefully to understand the prompt properly that you did not do. Without knowing task, you can't address the task requirements. Addressing the task requirements is one of most important part in IELTS writing, and it also has effect on scoring.  
  
I will suggest you read more articles. You will get idea what to write, how to write, and also new vocabulary, new expression, and obviously different sentence structure.  
  
In your writing you completely skip to consider term that social and economic development has been impact on wildlife.  
  
Keep writing 
*In today job market, it is far more important to have practical skills than theoretical knowledge. In the future, job applicants may not need any formal qualifications. To what extent do you agree or disagree.*  
  
**I find this topic really challenging as I cannot express my points clearly throughout my essay. So I am desperate for help.**  
  
## practical skills versus theoretical knowledge

  
  
Nowadays, employers are likely to employ applicants who have handy experience over those with good academic results. In my opinion, formal qualification will still be priorities in certain professions while it is less important in others.  
  
On the one hand, a degree is an indispensable prerequisite to land a job in medicine and science. Complete of a four-year college does not only mean dedication but also proves applicants' ability to grasp and comprehend a myriad of knowledge. Medical students, for example, have to complete book study, laboratory experiment , mock exams and continuous assessments before they are trusted to provide care for patients. In addition, academic assignments also develop skills that are in high demand among employers. Interpersonal skills, presentation, writing, and collaboration all play a vital role that enhance their chance to seek employment and make progress in their future career.  
  
On the other hand, there are certain jobs where formal education is not a priority. Employers in manual and creative industries are inclined to employ those who can really do the job rather than others with good academic background. The outbreak of online learning and the availability of tutorials on the Internet enable people to flourish their talent and land a glamorous occupation. The nature of their job, which promote individualism and independence, putting less emphasis on the development of soft skills which are the requirements of the bulk of other jobs.  
  
In conclusion, formal qualification is important for those who seek employment in scientific fields, while creative industry prefer experience over theoretical knowledge.
Kenzin, until you can learn how to differentiate between the different prompt requirements for an IELTS essay, you will never be able to properly respond to the given topic and discussion format. I keep on telling you, from the very start, I have told you to ask for clarification regarding the discussion instructions. Ask your tutor, ask your friends, ask your classmates, ask your co-reviewers, ask your parents, ask anybody who speaks and understands English enough to help you figure out how to discuss the essay. I am truly afraid for you now because I know that you are scared and you really cannot possibly pass the test at this point because you cannot understand the English instructions you are being given. The problem with your essay is always the same. You do not discuss it in the manner required. This is an extent essay and you are once again, discussing it as a 2 sided point of view and personal opinion essay. Even then, your personal opinion on the matter is missing. Once again, here is a sample of the proper paraphrase that could have helped you to properly discuss the essay:  
  
*In order to get a job these days, it is believed that one needs to have more practical rather than theoretical knowledge. That is why there is a belief that in the future, job applicants do not need to have academic qualifications anymore. I strongly disagree / agree...*  
  
Just pick one point of view to support and stop creating your own prompt instructions. Only when you stop creating your own prompt discussion methods will you even be able to inch closer to a properly developed essay in response to the given prompt. If you cannot understand the question, then you cannot properly respond to the prompt. I am sorry to say this but unless you try to develop your English comprehension skills, there is no way that you can pass the test. Spend time practicing your English comprehension skills. Work on just developing your opening statement presentations for now. I'll help you learn the tricks regarding how to better understand the original prompts. Don't focus on the full essay development at this point. It will be impossible for you to do that without first understanding what the instructions for the essay are.
**Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?  
It is important to know about events happening around the world, even if it is unlikely that they will affect your daily life.**  
  
## it's good to be informed in this world

  
  
The question whether it is necessary to be aware of the events which are unlikely to affect your daily life is widely discussed. Some think we should only focus on the news happening around us. However, I agree it is essential to care about the events around the world for the following reasons.  
  
Firstly, we are living in the global village that every event may end up influencing us to certain degree. That is to say, we are all in part of the events when something happens and we have nowhere to escape. For example, financial crisis breaking in the U.S. in 2008 causes whole world into recession. I still remember I sat at couch and thought it was not our business as I heard the news. It turns out financial crisis indeed impact my country a lot. Many people lost their jobs and a few banks went bankrupt.  
  
Secondly, we can be obsolete if we turn a blind eye on what happens around the world. It is easy to be replaced and outpaced if we only concern the thing happening around us. The history of China is a good example to support this idea. Back around two hundred years, China was one of the most advanced countries around the world. It sold best products such as silks and tea to western countries. At this period, Chinese were so proud of themselves that they denied knowing and learning from other countries. This causes their technology to stagnate. Without the latest technology, China could not upgrade their weapons, eventually being invaded by other nations.  
  
Last but not least, we are not supposed to divide among different people based on races or places where they live because we are all human beings. When something bad occurring, it is everyone's duty to stand for and fight against it. For instance, there is a terrible genocide in the north of Myanmar in the recent months. Even it is far away from where I live and it may not cause any effect on my daily life in the short term, I feel obliged to do something to help those in suffer out. It is mainly because those events are matter of justice and we are not supposed to be indifferent.  
  
In short, I strongly think we should pay attention to events happening around the world. The reasons are that everyone affect one another to some extent, we should keep pace with new trends, and we are all human beings.  
  
**I know my composition is a little subjective and provocative. But that is the only way I can write the number of words prompt asks.....**  
  
**ANYWAY thanks alot for reading my article**
Sheanen, it is okay to be provocative if it will help your essay discussion. The problem is, your examples are too old to be of relevance in the current state of the world. In order to create a better understanding of the prompt discussion, you should have used more current information regarding world events. You should not use historical references as those are irrelevant already (China is now a world leader) and will be unknown to reviewer or already forgotten (The Euro crash would have been a better example as that is fairly recent). Therefore, your desire to be controversial backfired in this instance. Your examples are weak and hard to connect with the current events, which is what the essay wanted you to discuss. This is not about a history lesson, this is about your knowledge of current events and sadly, you failed to show that you are capable of referring to more appropriate and relevant discussions in relation to the prompt. That is the reason why you essay score could suffer, depending upon the smaller scoring considerations that the examiner may have.
*Firstly, we are living in the global village that every event may end up influencing us to certain degree. That is to say, we are all in part of the events when something happens and we have nowhere to escape. For example, financial crisis breaking in the U.S. in 2008 causes whole world into recession. I still remember I sat at couch and thought it was not our business as I heard the news. It turns out financial crisis indeed impact my country a lot. Many people lost their jobs and a few banks went bankrupt.*  
  
I do not think that using "I" is acceptable in an IELTS or TOEFT essay.  
  
"a few" otherwise means some, small amount but enough, so did you mean many companies went bankrupt
## noice impact on people's life

  
  
Living in modern society, people can hear a variety of sounds made by traffic, machines or people; however, if these sounds are so loud that individuals can not afford, we would call them "noises". Since noises have been frequently created in human's living environment, it is generally believed that they must be restricted by formal law. On the other hand, there are also some of the liberalism supporters claim such agendas might offence individual's freedom. In this essay, I will mention both side's arguments and concluded with my own opinion.  
  
Noise, defined as a kind of pollution, has more seriously influenced many people's normal life than before, was wished to get rid of life by them. One of the impacts is the decrease of people's quality of life. For example, the sound of a high-speed car made by gangsters at midnight usually interrupts other's sleeping and causes some people not to fall asleep again. If the situation remains for a period of time, it would make them lost energy and decrease their work efficiency. Furthermore, the noise would cause both physical or mental illness, like high blood pressure, heart disease, or anxiety disorder. A medical investigation showed people who live in a noisy environment have much more probability by 50 percent than normal people getting the mental disease.  
  
However, not everyone agrees with the rule to control noise. Those who suggest noise should not be tackled by law think the noise is a normal factor exist around us, just like water, wind sound exists in nature. Additionally, the most noises created in our society are in result from activities which can benefit our lives, like the building constructing, car driving; it will just cause advantages due to the rising cost if we make restrict on the voice of such activities.  
  
In conclusion, although some negative influence might happen if human try to control noises, our society still need to struggle to decrease the creation of noises, for they make more impact on people's normal life. To achieve the purpose of controlling noise, the government have to set the agenda to decrease noise pollution and put the activities which might create loud voice under surveillance. Therefore, people will live in higher quality without noise.
Cheng, next time you post an essay for review, please remember to post the complete and original prompt along with it. That will help me to better assess the compatibility of your responses with the requirements of the prompt and the given instructions. At this point, I cannot tell if you are properly discussing this essay or not so I will just stick to general observations this time around.  
  
For starters, please be cognizant of your spelling. There are a number of times in this essay when you misspelled words such as noise - noice and offense as offence. I have to also call your attention to the scattered manner of discussion that you present in this essay. At some points, you seem to be discussing opinions regarding noise then suddenly, I find myself reading about the advantage of noise in our society. Your thought process is not clearly presented throughout the essay. That is what caused the contradictory discussions and unfocused paragraph discussion points. This is truly a terribly written essay, and I am saying that without even knowing what the actual prompt you are responding to is.  
  
As of this moment, I cannot offer any guidelines to help you improve your writing skills because I do not really know what prompt you are responding to. So the method of directing your essay writing skills is difficult to pinpoint. Hopefully you will present me with the original prompt requirement when you post your next essay. I will be able to better advise you about your problem points when that time comes.
Hi, here are my thoughts on your essay:  
  
Besides the first sentence, none of your sentences in the introduction are complete. Eliminating third person pronouns by eliminating the subject of your sentences is not appropriate!  
  
Be sure to capitalize proper nouns.  
  
You still have a lot of "he"s and "Roberts" - you need to use nouns like "the young child", "the student", "the son", "the younger sibling", "the brother" and so on - nouns that describe your role at various times in your life.  
  
I don't think you really have a proper introduction. Even in an autobiography, I think it is best to have an overall theme, and this theme should be stated in a thesis statement, forming the last sentence of your introduction.
Rob, in the first paragraph, you have made a very big blunder. You mentioned that you were born to a father and you provided the father's name. What is missing from that presentation? Right... You forgot to mention who gave birth to you! What is your mother's name? The correct term is "Born to Bob and (name of mother) Roberts, the family was stationed at... You should also mention the name of the siblings in the opening paragraph. Anytime you make a reference to a person, you need to provide a name. That helps to complete the introduction of your nucleus family to the reader.  
  
You have numerous punctuation and capitalization errors in the essay. Review it. The capitalization errors are easy to spot. Any proper noun needs to be capitalized and the start of every sentence is also capitalized. You do not suddenly use a capital letter A in the middle of the sentence. However, the "I" personal pronouns need to be capitalized.  
  
The story about the sister is incomplete as it focuses on the actions of your mother after the diagnosis. Explain how the illness affected you, aside from getting pulled out of school and rebelling because of it. What did you learn from that portion of your life and how do you carry those effects to present day? Additonally, it would be advisable to use your mother's proper name in the essay in order to get around the first person ruling but still give the reader an interesting presentation of your mother's story.
**Whether or not someone achieve their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## the weight of luck

  
  
Luck is indeed a crucial companion for each step to success in our life. However, there is a common belief that someone's achievements result mostly from the factor of luck. I completely disagree with this idea for a number of reasons.  
  
Firstly, in my opinion, true competence rather than luck is absolutely the main element leading to successful achievements. To acquire this, people have to study and work constantly with determination to equip themselves with essential skills as well as valuable knowledge. The modern world is increasingly demanding in every aspect of life, so people without competence are less likely to reach their goals easily. Nurturing and studying environment also plays a critical role in the ability to succeed of people, especially children. This is because family and school, where children grow and develop, exert noticeable impacts on them mentally and physically. Thus, whether young people may achieve the aims or not is not only a question of luck but also competence as well as developing environment.  
  
It is true that luck can contribute to one's achievement. However, these achievements are usually short-term ones, whereas long-run accomplishments are indeed what illustrate success. Moreover, many unlucky people who was born disabled still became prosperous and gained popularity in life. An excellent example for this is the case of Nick Vujicic who is with the absence of arms and legs became a famous motivational speaker travelling around the world to inspire people.  
  
In conclusion, I think the role of luck in achieving goals is exaggerated, while there are various more significant factors to consider like true competence and environment.  
  
Thank you for reading my essay, please give me some comments and the score for this. ^^
In your introduction, I sense a contradiction. You say luck is "crucial", but then you say that you completely disagree that luck is a major factor. I think maybe using a less forceful word than "crucial" would be better.  
  
The rest of your essay sounds pretty good to me. I think your format was effective - the first body paragraph showing the importance of other factors and your second body paragraph showing that bad luck can be overcome.  
  
I guess a problem is that being born in a good family and going to good schools is in itself a form of luck, so perhaps modifying that part of the first body paragraph might be necessary.  
  
Here are a few specific suggestions:  
  
"studying environment" sounds odd to me - I guess you mean their school or educational resources?  
  
"developing environment" also sounds a little unnatural maybe "environment in which they develop"  
  
"many unlucky people who were born"  
  
case of Nick Vujicic who despite the absence of arms and legs, still became a famous motivational speaker