dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
@PhuongCao .... thanks for the suggestion and opinion.. I'm having some trouble in using active and passive then tenses and even in articles T\_T  
  
@Holt. I see. I'm a bit anxious to paraphrase the introduction that much, so I keep it that way. I thought I might stray far from the original prompt if I paraphrase longer. And simply, there some few words I could not write in other forms.  
  
Thank you for the review. I'll read essay as much as I can to learn more. Thanks :)
Hi, I'd like to make some corrections for you.  
  
Children must not be force**d** by ...  
--to use passive voice, you should have used "forced".  
  
They should be free to decide **on** the profession they want.  
--to mean "choose", you should have used "decided on".  
  
children should not be pressure**d** and free ...  
--to use passive voice, you should have used "pressured".  
  
~~These kind~~ of attitude put a lot ...  
-- you should have used**"these kinds" or "the kind"**  
  
For instance, when ~~a~~ parents are both ...
Hi, LiAn Soh it is good that you practice writing for IELTS test, before take real test  
I have read your essay and conclude some point, your pattern in writing is complete. By provide main reason, effect, example, and conclusion.  
Some point that you should take attention is paraphrasing. Your opening speech seems like similar with the question. It is better to find the good paraphrasing there so the repetition not happen.  
  
Your second paragraph also still relate to the main point of your first paragraph, In my opinion, you should find new idea to be developed, and make a good relation between one paragraph and the next paragraph.  
  
I wish you luck on your test ^^
- "Children must not be forced by their parents"  
- " I strongly agree that children should not be pressured and free to decide  the path they desire.."  
- " The kind of attitude puts a lot of ..."  
- " For instance, when ~~a~~ parents are both ..." - a parents ?  
  
*There are some grammatical errors need to be fix, but your essay, in general, is pretty good. Good luck ♡*
## the prominent features that differ between high schools and universities

  
  
High schools and universities play typical roles of the entire education system in Vietnam. In fact, there are some differences between high schools and colleges that help students know how to decide to continue futher study or start working. According to each distinctive features, there are three main aspects need to discuss: applying method, relationships, and students' attitude.  
  
To begin with, the teaching technique is the most easy point to distinguish high shools and colleges. On one hand, teachers and students in high schools totally follow the offical schedules and textbooks. In that way, teachers must take huge responsibility of helping, even enforcing students to have good knowledge and students try their best to do what teachers told them to do. Generally, it is a one- sided technique, teachers give information to students and they just have to do those work. On the other hand, universities focus on interactive and self-study technique.That gives students right to show their opinions and get the feedback also. Teachers play a different role, they are instructors who offer guidance, resources, and feedback for the anwers students aks them. Then students have to do the rest on their own. It seems that this way is more open and flexible than the way of high schools using.  
  
Next, relationships also have huge differences. Most students study high schools at their hometown, so their friends are tend to be very familiar and close to them. For instance, a girl has just finished secondary school then moves on high school properly makes friends with people she has known before in secondary school. In contrast, universities include a wide range of different students from different places, so it is much easier to adapt this change and make friends with strange students. Manybe it would be hard in the first time, but everything new starts take time and that also gives students chances to overcome problems as well.  
  
Last but not least is about attitude. Due to the feature of high schools structure that focus mainly on rules, students mostly are enforced to do he tasks by other people, such as their parents, siblings, teachers,etc. As a result, they have to do their best to accomplish all the give work unwillingly. Their main thought when they do those work is an obligation. Nevertheless, students in universities have more choices and more responsibilities as well. They not only have right to manage their lives on their own but also take care of themselves and set goals as well as commit to complete it on time. The more choices or rights students have, the more responsibilities they must take.  
  
In conclusion, the teaching and learning mothod, connection, and awareness are three proninent features that differ between high schools and universities. In near future, to adapt the creative and productive trend of the world, high schools may apply universities' style and help more students develop themselves more logically and effectively.
Hue, when you write a comparison essay, it is always best to limit the discussion to one common topic. That makes it easier for you to create a 3 paragraph discussion that will keep the reader focused on your supporting facts rather than jumping around from topic to topic as you did in this essay. Your reader will be forced to keep track of all of your discussions, which do not flow smoothly as you do not have transition sentences in between paragraphs. That makes it difficult to actually consider all of the discussion points as you set them out in the essay. Since this is to be written as a compare and contrast essay (you cannot contrast without comparing) the paragraph body should be represented as:  
  
1. Comparison statement  
2. Contrasting statement  
  
Basically, an essay such as this one can be completed within 4 paragraphs if written in a manner that best represents the clearest discussion for the prompt. I wish you had included the original instructions instead of just giving me the essay to read. I would have been able to offer a more target set of advice if you had done that.
There are spelling and grammatical mistakes that should have been avoided.  
  
... decide to continue ~~futher~~ **further** study or start working.  
  
... technique is the ~~most easy~~ **easiest** point to distinguish high ~~shools~~ **schools** and colleges.  
  
... follow the ~~offical~~ **official** schedules and textbooks.  
  
... feedback for the ~~anwers~~ **answers** students ~~aks~~ **asks** them.  
  
For instance, a girl **who** has just (...) on high school **and** properly makes ...  
  
~~Manybe~~ **Maybe** it would ...  
  
... when they do ~~those~~ **that** work is an obligation.  
  
... and learning m~~othod~~ **method**, connection, and awareness are three ~~proninent~~ **prominent** features that ...
Dear Hue, I have read your great essay about the comparison between study in high school and in university. It is good that you provide four point as the proportion for the reader. Unfortunately there are several explanation that are not clearly explain in the point of view. It is better for you to give more discuss for each paragraph.  
  
In addition, you also may arrange your point from the very simple thing to the complicated thing. It is good so the reader can easy to understand well your essay. Other point need to take more attention is over generalization. Some points are good but you have to soften it, not over generalize it so it will be more polite to read your essay. Thank you.
**The table below gives information about the underground railway systems in six cities.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
*Can you give specific mark to my writing based on four academic IELTS writing criterias? Much appreciation!  
Here's my essay:*  
  
## figures of railway systems in six cities

  
  
The given table presents statistics on the network of underground railway of six cities across the world. Data is compared in terms of year of operation, length and annual ridership. Overall, London had the oldest and largest metro system while that of Tokyo had the highest capacity.  
  
Specifically, the London underground was first opened in 1863, which was 37 years earlier than the operation in Paris, thus making it the only metro from the nineteenth century included in the list. Other cities began put their subways into service throughout the following century, with Tokyo, Washington DC and Kyoto respectively. Whereas Los Angles was the last one to feature this means of transportation in the year 2001.  
  
By a fairly wide margin, the route length of London underground was higher than all of the remaining cities. Standing at 384 kilometers, the figure also doubled that of Paris. Meanwhile the Japanese city of Kyoto had the shortest route, extending to merely 11 kilometers.  
  
Nevertheless it was Tokyo's subway that had the highest ridership (1927 million passengers per year). Paris came second at 1191 million passengers. Kyoto, in parallel with its small size, scored the lowest ridership, carrying only 45 million passengers annually.  
  
[200 WORDS]  
  
*
Giang, just a number of important information were missing from the overview summary. Remember, you need to include a mention of the 6 cities from the chart because that is part of the summary information presentation. Aside from that, you needed to present the discussion instruction information prior to the trending information. Even without those information though, the overview is still strong and informative.  
  
Don't use terms like "specifically" and "Nevertheless' to start your paragraphs. You cannot use those terms because both indicate that a previous discussion, sometimes related to the next sentence, sometimes not, exists in the paragraph. In your presentation, the previous sentence does not exist.  
  
The third paragraph comprises a run-on sentence. The first sentence should have been divided into 2 sentences. This would have made the meaning of the sentences clearer as well.  
  
The last paragraph has information in a parenthesis. Remove the parenthesis. All passenger information must be presented in complete sentences. This is part of required information so it should not be given an optional (parenthesis) presentation. Look at the presentation you made for that paragraph, you mentioned all of the passenger numbers in regular formats, so it makes no sense to put one set of passenger information in a parenthesis.  
  
Based on the work that you did on this chart and the overall effectiveness of your discussion, I think you could get a score of 6 at the most. There are going to be some small considerations on the part of the examiner that might affect your final, overall score but if I were the examiner, this is how I would score it.
Hello hgianghgiang, based my humble opinion. your essay is not too bad actually, you wrote more than 150 words as a requirement, then you make nice comparison especially in your "overall" it's nice comparison I think, about paragraphs, each paragraph consists of 3 sentences, it is very good for the terms to be a single entity paragraph but there is a little mistake such as use of inappropriate vocabulary in place, I mean is not natural the word that you used in your opening and closing statements and I suggest you to add vocabulary so that your writing is richer.  
  
I hope this help :)
## forgotten favorite dish

  
  
It was a day when I came back home after school, although being exhausted, I became conscious by the smell of a dish spread from my neighborhood's kitchen. I thought: "Oh, that smell is similar to the smell of my favorite dish when I was a little girl". That smell reminded me of my family dinner, I missed the taste of that dish which my mom cooked for me whenever I got good marks because she knew I was fond of eating chicken curry rather than any other dishes. She cooked it for me as a small gift for my effort in studying hard. Chicken curry made by my mom was a motivation for me to put more effort into studying to be able to eat more chicken curry. As I am now studying far from home, it also reminded me of the cozy atmosphere of my family dinner, the time when every member of my family gathered together, talked about their days, asked after each other and laughed about every funny things. I wished I would have time to reunite with my family when the summer came.
Dang, you need to be more descriptive of the smell that is driving this memory of yours. The reader should be able to practically smell the dish through your description of the smells that emanated from the kitchen of your neighbor. This description will only be effective if the reader can practically smell the dish as you describe it. For example, you could have said:  
  
*As I walked up the walk after school, my stomach grumbling as the last meal I had was 5 hours earlier, I was greeted by a familiar smell. Our neighbor's kitchen window was open and from there, the smell of boiling coconut milk permeated the air. It brought back memories of my childhood. I could not help but stop and relish the smell that made my hunger pains increase. As the coconut milk smell mixed with curry, I found myself closing my eyes, suddenly being drawn back to my childhood and my mother's kitchen...*  
  
Associate each smell with something from your childhood. Describe the smell of the dish as it is being cooked. That is the best approach to writing this essay.
**Watching television is waste of time. Do you agree with this? Why?**  
  
## less tv, more activities for kids

  
  
Television is one of the most wonderful inventions of human. We can learn a lot from a television. However, new surveys suggest that the TV we use to make our life easier are killing our leisure time. Therefore, some people say watching TV is waste of time for children because of many reasons.  
  
Firstly, they become highly addicted to watching TV which leads to lots of health problems such as headache, backache, and falling eye sights. They are working shorter hours, taking fewer activities. They may easily get access to the harmful things on TV like people usually do on horror or action or violent films. It is dangerous for children . As a result, the productivity and efficiency im work or study of kids who usually watch TV are not high. Thus, children will have poor concentration on their work or study and often distract their duties.  
  
Secondly, it cannot help children get more living skills because they are always sitting in front of the television and do not do anything. Consequently, they do not go outside, they will not have many chances to expose their feelings or presenting their ideas in public. Some skills such as team spirit, creativity, problem solving, cognitive, and social skills are not gained. For example, instead sitting in front of the TV, what about going outside and make friend or go for a walk with the family,.. The problem is that children do not have wisdom to discriminate between what is good or bad for them. They can compromise their sleeping hours to watch their favourite shows or films. They can also neglect their household chores or homework..  
  
However, in fact, some people say television has both drawbacks and advantages. Children can watch some channels to know more the present affairs of the world. They can learn more lessons in a fun way by watching special shows for children. TV is very important for human. Everything contains good side and bad side, and the television has no exception. Children should spend little time watching TV and take part in more activities.  
  
In summary, although it has many drawbacks, we try our best to reduce them and make it better for children.  
  
*---- Anatasia aka @lamphuongta -----*  
Can somebody check this essay for me please ; 3 ; ? Thanks.
Anatasia, I wish you had provided me with the complete and original prompt requirement for this essay. It appears within your discussion that you had a prompt deviation from the end. At first, it seemed like you were discussing the disadvantages of television watching in children. Then towards the end, you mentioned a different prompt requirement which is the drawbacks and advantages. Which is which? What was the original prompt really asking you to discuss? This confusion in the actual thesis statement of your essay can cause a lower points consideration for your work.  
  
Be careful of your vocabulary and spelling. There is no such term as "addicerd". I believe the term you wanted to use was "addicted". Carelessness in your spelling and sentence formation will result in difficult to understand sentences, which in turn, will translate into points deductions on your part. You also said "im work" instead of "in work". That is another example of careless writing that will turn your essay into a useless essay.  
  
Your punctuation is also faulty as you have a line in the 3rd paragraph where you have a comma followed by ellipses. What exactly were you going for? A comma and a continued discussion or a period and a new discussion? These small errors are slowly adding up to lead towards a failing score in your essay. I could go on and on with more references to your mistakes in this essay but I just need to give you a general idea of where your problem points are so that you can focus on improving those sections in your next round of practice essays.
*I am going to take Tofel test.  
Please give me some advice.Thanks!*  
  
**Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Children should play and study rather than help do the household chores, such as cooking and cleaning.**  
  
## should children assist daily work at home?

  
  
When it comes to what children should do, some people believe that they should focus on their personal activities, while others ask kids to assist daily work at home. That is why there is more common belief that it is better for children to pay attention to play and study. I doubt this statement for a spectrum of reasons which I will be discussing below.  
  
It is said that young people just only need to take responsibility for themselves, like finishing their homework on time, and household chores are out of their duty. This, however, is not necessarily true. Indeed, one of the duties of kids is student, but they also should learn how to be in charge of their family. After finishing the meal, for instance, children can volunteer to wash the dishes or cleaning the table. By develop their responsibility from tiny work, parents are like to prevent them from taking others' giving for granted and feedback to others as well.  
  
It is also said, furthermore, that youngsters pay more attention to studying, and they are able to acquire more knowledge. The fact, nonetheless, may be otherwise. There certainly are a range of subjects which kids can learn on the books, but basic living skills are needed for children's future. Even though children study the theory about how the electricity works in the machine, only when they conduct the microwave oven by themselves, they can really know how to apply to daily life and help them live independently in the future.  
  
Some people still argue, lastly, that underage people may only gain much sense of achievement when they get high grade on academic works. But this argument still appears arbitrary. When children can accomplish the chores they are not able to do before, they will have the same feeling. They always make messy in the house after they play toys when they are little. Parents can educate them to clean the environment after they play. When they see the clean room and gain the complimentary from their parents, they will have a sense of achievement and will be willing to maintain the good habit continuously.  
  
Given the reasons that making them being responsible, acquiring necessary living skills, and having an achievement, it is not logical to say youngsters only need focus on study or play rather than assisting household chores.
Ching, your opening statement was alright until you got to the part where you were supposed to provide your thesis statement. You are being asked to agree or disagree with the statement. Therefore, you cannot say that you have "doubt" about the given statement. The "doubt" is a different prompt response and does not deliver the type of discussion that is expected of your essay. When you "doubt" that means you have questions or uncertainty regarding a given statement. The essay is asking for an assured opinion in the form of an agreement or disagreement with the statement provided. A "doubt" is different from an assured opinion since an assured opinion means you have supporting evidence to present in defense of your statement. That supporting evidence is what makes the TOEFL discussion proper in defense of your stance or opinion of the given statement.  
  
While you will find yourself scored down for the wrong thesis statement, your defensive arguments are sound. Though the grammar may be imperfect at this point, you can still get your message across clearly to the reviewer. It would be better for you to focus on developing a more grammatically correct representation of your discussion to the examiner when you can. Again, your message is clear but having a better grammatical presentation would advance your scores to a higher level so you need to practice creating more fluent English sentences.  
  
The last paragraph that you present is a run-on sentence. It would be better if you divided it into topic sentences so that you can call more attention to your grammar and vocabulary skills. All of which, when combined, will result in a higher TOEFL score for you.
**In recent years some countries have experienced very rapid economic development. this has resulted in much higher standards of living in urban areas but not in the country side. this situation may bring some problems for the country as a whole.  
  
what are these problems?  
how might they be reduced?**  
  
## the gap between city dwellers and villagers

  
  
In recent years, several countries across the world have economic stage that more and more increase. this essay discuss about the impact of economic growth that causes the gap between citizens and villagers and how to reduce it.  
  
nowadays, economic growth in several cities center are happening so fast. as a result many investors decide to invest their share , so the construction of public facilities are more and more developing. contrary in the rural area, because of the absence their shares in the village so that the construction of public facilities is not like in the city. in addition,the number of immigration more and more increase because they are thinking it easy to get job in the city, yet will be over populous in urban area. taking example in Jakarta, because of high standards so that the number of immigration increases and makes it more crowded. the impact, this will cause congestion everywhere and making some work does not go smoothly. actually this growth is excellent if balanced between in the city and in the village.  
  
even though the growth is good for our country but also have disadvantages, therefore we have to solve it. for the first stage, the authorities should allocate funds like tax to build some public facilities in the village. if the construction of public facilities in the village continues, more job will be available. consequently, the problem like over populous because immigration can be handled. government awareness becomes very important.  
  
to sum up, this article try to portrait the one way to solve the issue and effect from it. the author suggest to people who have responsible for this thing to change the law about growth of economic, and still give attention to people who live in the rural area, in order to avoid a gap between urban and rural people.