dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
please, correct my grammar to improve my writing...thank you so much for your help....  
  
Question:  
**Some people think that a person can never understand the culture of a country unless they speak the language.  
Do you agree with this opinion?**  
  
Answer:  
Culture is related to the identity of the country. Nowadays, a large number of people start to forget about their culture although they live and do some activities there. Understanding about culture in a country is really hard for some people though they can speak that language fluently. I believe this problem has two sides which are pros and cons.  
  
In this modern era, some people who live in the country are really hard to understand the cultures especially for young generations. This is because the juvenile live in the modern era and they do not know the struggle of live in the past. For instance, the country's culture is becoming extinct and mixing with the other cultures. In addition, globalization takes the major part in this problem. As a consequence, juvenile do not care anymore about their own culture.  
  
On the other hand, old people who understands about the culture should tell the young generations, so they can understand easily their own culture. There are several ways to understand the country's culture. Firstly, history subject should be applied as the compulsory program in school curriculum. The teacher should teaches the student about the country's culture by explaining people's behaviour in the past. Moreover, people live in the middle of society and they should interact and study by their self about the culture. Education becomes the main part as a tool for understanding the culture.  
  
In brief, people as citizens in a country should know their culture although it is hard to be understood. In my point of view, I completely disagree with that statement, because if I live in a country, I should understand about the culture to increase my nationalism.
Dear Gigih, here are some advices for your writing, feel free to correct my responses,  
  
- In my opinion, you should paraphrase the question properly. Also, you have to elaborate your statement properly by mentioning at least 2 reasons instead of saying pros and cons  
  
*some people who live in the country*--> you can change to other sentence as it does not related to your object  
  
*for instance: some people lived in developed country*  
  
the juvenile live in the modern era and they do not know the struggle of live in the past --> it is understandable but you can change it to make the meaning more convenient  
  
*for instance: The obstacles that juvenile overcame in the past are different if it compares to what children in present era*  
  
For instance, the country's culture is becoming extinct and mixing with the other cultures. --> you can elaborate your example with detail to strengthen it  
  
Hope it helps you to improve your essay,  
  
Regards
Hi Gigih! let me try to give you some feedback, hope this helps.  
  
(1) Before writing, try to understand the question and find the keywords. It aims to ease us to answer the task response in order to keep on the track, not out of the topic. As we know, task response is the most essential factor to increase our IELTS score. This question is about agree or disagree statement, so you need to explain your position clearly, but i cannot find it in your introductory paragraph.  
  
(2) Looking at the question, we find that the keywords are "understanding the culture" and "speak the language" but you don't explain more about that in body paragraph.  
  
(3) A good paragraph consists of at least 3 sentences. You need to add one sentence more in your last paragraph.  
  
Good luck! Keep Writing! ^^
**In some countries, it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
In several countries, the government bans smokers to smoke in public places. This essay would completely agree with such an idea because this policy would prevent people from suffering serious diseases and create a clean environment.  
  
Prevention to develop severe diseases is by stop smoking as soon as possible. The reason is nicotine of cigar that is known to be main chemical inducer of the progression of acute diseases towards severe condition. Most researchers have conducted evidence based studies that cover the topic of effect of stop the smoking in improving respiratory diseases. The result show that almost 95% of people who suffered acute respiratory diseases improved their health since they stop smoking and 75% of them are rarely had tendency to progress the cancerous development.  
  
Another consideration of why prohibition of smoking in public areas should be supported as providing some healthy surroundings is vital to everyone. This is because by cutting down on smoking habits, the urban environment would be as healthy as mountainous sceneries so that people tend to relax while they stay anywhere around the city. For example, the survey conducted by colleagues to seek the satisfaction of people who wait for public transport found out that almost 70% reasons to hurry up entering the public transport is caused by smoker who burn up its cigarettes at the middle of crowd.  
  
In general, restriction of smoking in public places should be done as the harmful chemicals inside them can be prevented entering to body, while the harmonization of enjoying public areas can be felt by people when those places are smoke-free one. Nevertheless, it is predicted that not only clean environment can be created, but also the prevention of global warming would be reduced as carbon contain substances also decrease.
Fadhil, in the opening statement, you have to own the essay. Let the reader know that the statement of opinion belongs to you. Say "I agree with the statement because..." and not "This essay will..." Your opinion is clearly being required by the essay prompt so you have to make it clear from the very start that this essay will reflect your opinion and no one elses opinion.  
  
The fact that you were able to use current data in defense of your position indicates a high level of interest in the topic on your part. That was a very good touch that will help you score better in an actual test. Remember, your knowledge of pop culture and common knowledge indicates a clear understanding of the prompt requirement. So your essay doesn't have any problem in proving that you can discuss the topic provided with a little difficulty.  
  
Your sentence structures need work as there are still instances of difficult to understand passages. However, the overall paragraph delivers on the need for an opinion because of your clear understanding of the topic. If there is one major flaw of your essay, it is in the conclusion. Try to just wrap up the discussion in this part of the essay. The rules dictate that the last paragraph is saved for the conclusion of the essay. Now, keep in mind that you cannot conclude something if you are presenting new information about the discussion. So in any case, the conclusion should just sum up the discussion facts and nothing more.
hiii  
  
This is some suggestions for you, I hope, it is useful to enhance your writing.  
  
**This essay would completely agree** (i personally agree with) with **such an idea**(what the specific idea that you agree, because there two statements which are mention in the question) because **this policy**(what the policy??? please write specific statement to describe your idea in the body 1 and 2) would prevent people ...  
  
**Prevention to develop severe diseases** Preventing the development of several diseases ~~is~~are~~by~~ stopped by **smoking as soon as possible.**( I don't understand what do you mean with this sentence, it make no sense)  
  
Most researchers have conducted ~~evidence based~~ studies (evidence is a result of studies/research. So, it is not convenient when you say conducted evidence) that cover the topic ...  
  
**Thank you....  
Keep Writing**
Hi Fadhil! let me try to give you some feedback, hope this helps.  
  
In several countries, the government ...  
*(**Your introductory paragraph had covered the situation about smoking is illegal in public places but it did not cover the second statement about smoker should have to leave the building. You need to add more information about it to make your paragraph stronger. Besides that, a good paragraph consists of at least 3 sentences, and i just find 2 sentences in this paragraph)***  
  
Prevention to develop severe diseases is by stop ... ---> The smokers need to stop their smoking habit in order to prevent of severe diseases
**Writing IELTS Task 1 - The number of extinctions of plant and animal species**  
  
The line graph presents the number of extinctions of plant and animal species in tropical forests between 2000 and 2100, while the factors causing plant life extinction are illustrated in the pie chart. Overall, the peak of plant and animal species extinction will happen in 2060. Then, human impact gives the bigger influence as the threat to plant life rather than the natural events.  
  
From 2000 to today, almost 10,000 per million plant and animal species are extinct. This number will more and more increase sharply, and it is estimated reaching in peak in 2060 at 50,000 per million species. This fantastic number, however, will experience a gradual decrease in 2060 onwards to less than 30,000 per million species in 2100.  
  
Specifically for plant life, the biggest threat causing the extinction comes from human impact which the percentage is fivefold bigger than natural event factors. Agriculture becomes the highest percentage affecting the plant extinction as much as 18.7 percent. Two other sectors which give much influence to the plant life are harvesting at 14.4 percent and development at 10.4 percent.  
  
*
Hi ashelarisa48. Here are my suggestions for you.  
  
... number of extinctions of plant and animal species in tropical forests  
You can paraphrase the plant and animal to flora and fauna.  
  
... animal species extinction will happen in 2060  
this is talking about prediction. I suggest you to use "be predicted to" rather than "will"  
  
Overall for your introductory paragraph, some keywords from the question can be paraphrased.  
  
... and animal species ~~are~~have been extinct (use perfect tense because the event is not complete yet until now.) . This number ~~will~~ is predicted to ~~more and more~~ increase sharply,  
  
I hope it can be useful for you.  
Goodluck!
**Some people think that a person can never understand the culture of a country unless they speak the language.  
Do you agree with this opinion?**  
  
Since human was created by God, language is a tool to communicate and understand a culture where the human can do contact to other people and learn with regard to custom. Some people view that someone should accept the cultural disparity while others believe that it is so notable to know the language of the tradition to catch on the message. In my point of view, it is true that language has significance place to play role in understanding a tradition, but it is not one and only factor.  
  
There are merits for the people who are able to grasp a language of the civilization. They can easy to interact in one of the native people and build the solidarity among each other. This is due to the fact that linguistic understanding of an individual is more acceptable for certain inhabitant when the person wants to build the solidarity.  
  
However, there is another factor that an individual is able to understand the culture. One of them is to learn in the neighborhood of cultural norm or traditions. For instance, we are able to how the native people respects the foreigner, how they greet the other people and so on. As a result, we can know how we interact with them even though we get the lack of language.  
  
To conclude, there is no doubt that language has an important role to catch on the culture, but any another point which help us to study the culture. However, it is better if we own both of factors to understand the culture deeply.
Nousha, I hope that this is the first practice test that you have written that is because, if you are a first timer, the score of 4, which this essay would get in an actual test, is an acceptable score. However, if this is not your first essay, then there is a clear set of problems that you have to address. This essay needs a lot of work at this point.  
  
You display a very weak capability to construct even the simplest English sentence. The lack of clarity in the thought process and wring word usage causes the reader to have extreme difficulty in recognizing what it is that you wish to say. I believe that this is caused by your limited English vocabulary. You should look into improving your use of word connectors, and the use of subordinate clauses when necessary. Make sure that you do everything that you can to further improve your knowledge and use of English words. That is something that can only get better with practice and dedication to learning the language.  
  
I hope to see signs of improvement in your next essay.
Hi Afdhel! Let me try to give you some feedback, hope this helps.  
  
(1) As far as I know, we should not use 'human' if the essay/writing does not mention about other creatures like 'plant' or 'animal' as the comparison, so it will be better if we just use 'people' or 'man'.  
  
(2) A good paragraph consists of at least 3 sentences, so you need to add more information in the conclusion paragraph to make it stronger.  
  
Since human was created by God,(...) where the human can do contact to ...  
... role in understanding a tradition, ***but it is not one and only factor***. (This is an interesting idea that you add about other factor to understand a tradition, and you succeed to explain this idea in the body paragraph)  
  
... how the native people ~~respects~~ respect the foreigner, ...  
To conclude, there is no doubt that ... (only two sentences)  
  
Keep writing!! ^^
In today's world, a large number of families tend to focus on their children. And some parents tend to spoil their children, while some parents choose to supervise their children strictly. Therefore, opioions are divides as whether let children make mistakes. As far as I am concerned, parents definitely should allow their children to make mistakes and learn a lesson from mistakes.  
  
Above all, allowing children to make mistakes helps children grow up psychologically. The curious nature push them to experience new things. However, Children are too naive to shape their own values. As a result, they have no idea what to embrace and what to reject. The only they can do is to learn from mistakes. Consider this situation. Going to kindgarden for the first time, a child take others' staff without getting permission. Then the two kids fight for this. However, that kid even did not know what happened and why he was wrong. When school notice his parents, his parent did not punish him, instead, give him a lesson about honest. This, in turn, make that kid realize that he should get permission before using others' staff. Obviously, children can benefit from their mistakes.  
  
Besides, being allowed to make mistakes, children are able to correct their behaviors actively. Some parents are sensitive about their children's mistakes. As long as they know that their children make mistakes, they choose to punish their children by using their hands instead of their words. This, in turn, makes children accept a lesson passively and be rebellious. It is no secret that this takes a toll on children's growth. Take the example of that kids again. His punished him but without communicating or educating. Will this kid learn a lesson from mistakes and act correctly in the future? I afraid not. Therefore, parents should allow the mistakes but by using an acceptable punishing approach. More importantly, they should teach their children accept their mistakes actively and positively.  
  
It is no doubt that some mistakes led children down to the wrong path since they are not mature enough. For example, being exposed to violent movies, children have a tendency to be violent like the actors in movies. As a result, it is possible for him to behave aggresively in school. However, in this situation, parents should undertake the responsibility to decide what should be exposed to their children. Allowing children to makes mistakes bases on the supervision from parents.  
  
In a nutshell, making and learning from mistakes occupy an vital position in the growth of children. Hopefully, more parents allow their children make mistakes and learn from it.
Hi Rebecca!  
Let me give you some feedback, hope this helps.  
  
(1) Be careful on the spelling, it seems a small error but it is essential to write correctly. I found some error spellings like "opioions" must be "opinion" in the first paragraph, "kindgarden" must be "kindergarten" in the second paragraph, and "aggresively" must be "aggressively" in the fourth paragraph.  
  
(2) try to avoid using "and" as the first word in a sentence because "and" is a conjunction which combines two compound sentences.  
  
(3) A good paragraph consists of at least 3 sentences. Your last paragraph has just two sentences, so you can try to add a sentence more by developing the main idea in the paragraph.  
  
And some parents tend to spoil ...  
Therefore,opioions are divides as whether ...  
  
Going to kindgarden for the first time,...  
  
... possible for him to behave aggresively in school.
**Writing Task 1: Integration Problems For People Living Abroad**  
  
The bar chart gives information about kind of trouble that society usually have when they move to overseas according to ages. Generally, people aged 35-55 years old have sorting out health as the biggest problem they faced out, meanwhile for young people weeding out finances become the first problem, and searching schools for children become the last problem in all ages.  
  
For young people, looking for money is the biggest problem. A problem experienced by just 34 percent. Society with age 35-54 choose money as the second problem although the percentage is bigger than young people which is 35 percent. Only about 23 percent people over 55 have this problem.  
  
Healthcare become the most problem in middle and elderly people have. Both of them have similar value about 36 percent. Old people choose health care as the first problem they have, although less than the other ages.Young people take this problem as the second one.  
  
Looking for schools children is the last and the less problem that people have in every ages. The biggest percentage is had by people aged 35-54 about 19 percent. Then, it is followed by young people and eldery people.  
  
*   
*The chart shows information about the problems people have when they go to live in other countries.*
Hi Nuraini,  
Welcome to EssayForum :)  
  
Before rushing to my feedback, I would like to suggest that you should give at least one space (one enter) for each paragraph for the next post. This can ease us in completely reading and checking your essay. Anyway, the detailed descriptions below are my feedback towards your report summary of IELTS writing task 1. I hope you can follow through.  
  
1st paragraph:  
- It is unfortunate that in this paragraph you over-generalized the word "ages". It can convey different meaning. You should specify it clearly by mentioning "age groups, three different age groups, three distinctive age groups, three types of age groups, or many more". IELTS candidates often make this kind of mistake and this can possibly drag your band score down in terms of Lexical Resource.  
  
2nd paragraph:  
- For young people, looking for money is the biggest problem. (where's the data?)  
- A problem experienced by just 34 percent. (who did experience this problem? if you think that this is related to the previous sentence, I suggest you can just combine rather than separate it.)  
  
- Society with age 35-54 **choose**(problem is something that people "face/encounter/find" not "choose". Did you choose to get some problems? No right?) money as the second problem although the percentage is bigger than young people which is 35 percent. (besides, this sentence is quite confusing. avoid creating long-and-complicated sentences if you are not really sure about the meaning/structure)  
  
Hope this helps :)
Hi Aini.  
Welcome to Essay Forum. You have been a right medium to boost your skill. I hope you can participate actively in this website and follow suggestion given other members. In this moment, let me finalize your writing. please, meet my notes and deal with them.  
  
... about kindS of trouble ~~that society usually have~~ FACED BY CITIZENS when they move to overseas ~~according to~~ CATEGORIZED IN THREE DIFFERENT AGE GROUPS ~~ages~~ . ~~Generally,~~ OVERALL, IT CAN BE OBVIOUSLY SEEN THAT people aged 35-55 (...) health as the ~~biggest~~ MOST SERIOUS problem they faced out~~,~~ . Meanwhile *(This is a transitive word so that you need a period)*, for young people (...) become the first POSITION IN CLUSTERS OF problemS WHICH THEY GET, and searching (...) become the last RANK IN THIS CATEGORY~~problem~~ in all ~~ages.~~ GROUPS  
  
A CLOSER LOOK REVEALS THAT ~~For young people~~ , looking for money is the biggest problem IN THE CLUSTER OF YOUNG PEOPLE~~. A problem experienced by just~~ , REPRESENTING AT 34 percent.  
  
... 35-54 chooseS THE money as the second HIGHEST problem ~~although~~ , AND *(Please, you order the conjunction properly. make you sure that what you write is what you mind )*~~the~~ THIS PROPORTION percentage is bigger than young people ~~which is~~ , STATING AT 35 percent. Only about 23 percent ~~people~~ in THE AGE GROUP over 55 have this problem.  
  
NEEDS OF Healthcare become the most MAJOR problem in middle ...  
Both of them have THE similar value ...  
Old people choose THE health care as the ~~first problem~~ MOST IMPORTANT FACTOR they have, ...  
  
... is the last MATTER and the less problem that people have in every ~~ages~~ AGE CLUSTER. The biggest percentage ~~is had~~ IS COMMANDED by people aged 35-54 YEARS OLD WITH THE RATE AT about 19 percent. ~~Then~~ AFTER THAT, it is followed by young people and elder~~y~~ people.  
  
I really believe you can show the positive progress in this skill on condition that you wanna practice more and more.  
Keep spirit..  
GOOD LUCK :D
Hello aini, i will give you suggestion:  
  
Be care full your spelling:  
  
Generally, people ~~aged~~age s 35-55 years old have ...  
  
You can change "ages" with age group  
  
~~Only about 23 percent people over 55 have this problem.~~While age group over 55 have same problem, which the percentages is about 23 percent. It is smaller than young and middle age groups.
Sir Ken Robinson, as a TED speaker and education expert, stated that creativity is important in education as literacy. In the fact, creativity only unessential and not become focus in education in school. Nowadays, schools prefer to focus on the ways to produce professors and have a tendency to more focus on exact subjects for prepare their student to face in the future. In every system of education, several subjects such as mathematics and science always on the top of concern subjects. In the other hand, humanity and arts are being on the bottom list. He gives an interesting example about a little girl and a teacher. When in the drawing lessons, the teacher ask about what the girl draw. She replies that she trying to draw a God. The reply of the girl makes the teacher wonderment. School has killing the creativity of the student.