dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
@Thangnguyen315  
You did put a lot of effort into the essay, well-done. A lot of fancy words, very impressive.  
However, it seems to me that you are not really familiar to the concept of academic essay, as there are still something that you should keep in mind. Don't worry, that's why we are here.  
  
First, I think you should reconstruct your essay a little bit. The beginning and the ending are ok, let's take a look at the two body parts. The question asks for your opinion and there is an ABSOLUTE word (the best solution), so in the main parts, it is advisable that you express your ideas like below:  
  
1. Admit: On the one hand, increasing the cost of fuel is indeed a practical solution. (explain how increasing the cost of fuel will enhance the environment...)  
  
2. Attack: On the other hand, there are also several measures we can consider....  
instead of agreeing with the thesis and then immediately refusing it in the same paragraph, and spending the next paragraph listing alternative solutions.  
  
Secondly, there are still some grammatical mistakes in the essay.  
For example: rising fuel prices is the most effective way-> raising fuel price.......this may help to alleviate-> help alleviate; and there exist other viable solutions (this is a big mistake, dude) -> there are other viable...or other viable solutions can be taken,,, if we increased (why increasED?); For this reason, the number of personal vehicles being used for transportation is likely to decrease, thus ~~reducing~~ reduce the amount of toxic fumes and making make the environment cleaner....  
  
Thirdly, the essay is too long. A lot of words were used but a number of them don't sound natural. For example: "It is an indubitable fact ... First of all, ..."  
  
It is very long and awkward. Besides, you stated "first of all" but where is the "second"? :)) you may try:  
It is irrefutable that lifting up the cost of fuel is beneficial as the amount of exhaust fumes can be declined. The explain why...  
  
I know it is difficult at first. We have all been there but don't be upset and disappointed. We are just being critical for your own good. Keep up the good work.  
  
There are still a lot to learn, and it takes time.
## IELTS Task 2: Topic Crime

  
  
**Topic: In recent years there has been an increase in bad behaviors, poor discipline and anti-social behaviors in schools. Tough measures and stricter punishments by schools, parents and others are necessary to stop this trend.  
  
What are the advantages and disadvantages of stricter discipline to young people?**  
  
It is a common phenomenon that the number of juvenile criminals has seen an upward trend these days. One solution which is put forward to control this is setting up teenage curfew and castigation. This essay will be concerned with both the benefits and drawbacks of this measure.  
  
With regards to the advantages of severe supervision, it is clear that appropriate discipline and punishments would lead to many positives. Firstly, teenage curfew would guarantee safety for adolescents. If parents allow their children to hang out late or drive at night, the children would likely to cause serious accidents or be involved in drugs or violence, which would be harmful to their physical and mental health. Secondly, the restriction can protect adolescents from juvenile delinquency. As young adults are often vulnerable to criminal acts, if they lack the knowledge to avoid bad behaviors, they will likely to participate in gangs and become juvenile offenders. Finally, discipline could build good morals and characters to children at a young age. With good parenting and appropriate punishments, children could build good self-discipline, self-esteem as well as other virtuous dignities which are beneficial to them in later life.  
  
However, harsh supervision is not always thought to be advantageous. There have some negatives that should be taken into consideration. The first and most profound aspect is oppressive parenting. The imposition of the curfew could disable the ability of teenagers in determining their choices in life. The basis of this obstacle might be the fear of children about bout being severely punished when doing something wrong that dissatisfied their parents. That fear would control the children not only childhood but also adulthood, which would affect their job finding or aims in life. Another adverse impact is having a hindrance to maturity. Since they are always eager to satisfy their parents, they become dependent on their parents. Not only would it restrict adolescents from asserting, learning and negotiating to deal with what the real world can offer, but they would also tend to be less adaptable and might get culture shocked if raised under curfew law.  
  
In conclusion, there are both advantages and disadvantages to teenage curfew. However, the merits outweigh the drawbacks.  
  
Please feel free to comment. Thank you!
## education at 'modern' countries

  
  
Can you check my essay for Writing Task 2- IELTS  
Thanks you  
  
**Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad in the developed countries.**  
  
Moving toward 21st century, a large number of people are nowadays expressing a deeply growing concern about benefits and drawbacks of studying abroad in the high income countries. In fact, there are some who hold firmly to their belief that people should study in the developed countries. However, others argue convincingly that learning at modern countries has disadvantages. Therefore, some arguments both for and against this issue will be addressed in the following paragraphs.  
  
To begin with, ther are two major paints for people to defend the view that studying abroad in the modern countries is useful in order to improve professional knowledge of learner. First of all, it is a well-documented fact that studying abroad plays the vital role in working environment. The most obvious example to prove is that a person goes abroad to study Master and Phd, after they graduated at modern countries, they can have more knowledge in their field and more likely to receive high salary. Furthermore, there is no doubt that international experience is considered to be an important factor to chose a work they want. For instance, the interviewers will be impressed by CV of applicant who was educated in modern countries.  
  
On the other hand, there are two main evidences for other people to support the latter argument. First and foremost, it is commonly accepted that studying abroad in the industryalise nations has many disadvantages. A clear example being found to prove is that learning at modern countries can be seriously by academic curricurlum and expectation from friends and family. Equally important, there is no denying that studying foreign countries makes student difficult access culture in their nation their learn.  
  
All things considered, it is my strong belief that foreign learning plays the central role in the success of future of people. Accordingly, I strongly recomend that the governments should enhance awareness in terms of the role of studying abroad in the developed countries. If this recommendation is carried out, the comprehensive development of our future generation wll be ensured.
**"hi lo" there :) @MinhAnh, your grammar, vocab, just damnnnn so good and well make me just WOW :D, a lot of good words that really benefit me to be honest.**  
  
**BUTTTTTTTTTT!**There are some points that keep me irritated if i don't tell like : *"In fact, there are some who..."* This sentence although is good and have a variety of different good words, grammar... it's too long. You should have focused mainly on the content, i would like to fix it like:*"In fact, there are some who hold firmly to their belief that people should study in the developed countries while others convincingly oppose."*I once have read that "the less, the better" :). Some ppl like you may write like this can acchieve 7-8( of course without any mistakes ), but if you focus more in the content and have less abundant sentence. I think you can go beyond :D.  
  
There are some tiny mistakes too like: "**industrialized** countries" while u write it wrong, and more but im lazy to list it out :D.  
SO bye and good luck in your future @MinhAnh :)
Hi @MinhAnh  
You're essay is well-written! However, If I were you, I would shorten my introduction like this:  
  
... people are ~~nowadays~~ expressing ... countries. While some individuals argue convincingly that learning at modern countries has disadvantages, there are still some who hold firmly to their belief that people should study in the developed countries. Therefore, some arguments ...  
  
*This shorter form will help you save your time as well as make the idea clearer.*  
  
Besides, I suggest you should correct this sentence a little bit:  
... studying at foreign ... difficult to ~~access ... learn~~ adapt such new culture and tradition from those full-fledged nations.  
  
*That's all, since you have such a great writing skill and vocabulary, hope my feedback useful for you ^^*  
*Enjoy your good days.*
@Dang Khoa  
Thank you for your suggestion, you are such a careful boy that finding so hme wrong words in my essay. It is useful for me.  
  
So I will check again my essay.  
Best wish for you :">  
  
@Wendynguyen803  
  
It is nice of you to say so.  
Thank for your feedback. It is so useful and a lot of good words that I can learn from.  
  
Best wish for you ^^
@MinhAnh  
Hi there!  
  
I think that in terms of content and substantiation, your essay was quite sufficient and well-written. You had critical input on the topic, proving a firm stance by the end of the writing. I do think that the primary rooms for improvement would be for the technical facet of your writing.  
  
Observe these revisions:  
  
... people are ~~nowadays~~ expressing a deep~~ly~~ growing concern about the benefits ... in the high-income countries. ... hold firmly ~~to their belief~~ that ... ... learning at ~~modern~~ developed countries ... The~~refore, some~~ arguments both ...  
  
Ensure that you have consistency when it comes to your descriptions. For instance, developed is not synonymous to modern and high-income. Try to prioritize your phrasing. It can be quite confusing to readers when you fluctuate between descriptive words.  
  
Consider these as well:  
  
... evidences ~~for other people to~~ in support of the latter argument. ... in the ~~industryalise~~ industrialized nations has ~~many~~ disadvantages. A clear example ~~being found to prove~~ is that learning ~~at modern countries~~ here can be seriously affected by academic curriculum ~~and~~ alongside held expectations from ... ... studying in foreign countries ~~makes student ... learn.~~ exposes a person to non-conventional educational cultures.  
  
Best of luck in your writing as always.
## **NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF LIVING ALONE**

  
  
***In some countries, many more people are choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?***  
  
More and more people prefer living alone rather than living with roommates or family members these days compared to the past. This essay believes this is a negative development because people will become socially isolated and they will not have anyone to rely on when they are in trouble.  
  
Social isolation is the most common problem that people, who choose to live by themselves, have to face. This is to say that these people do not want to interact with others, instead, they prefer a quiet zone which they can spend more time with themselves. Gradually, they lose the confidence to communicate in public, thus, they will try to stay away from other people as much as possible. For example, research indicates that undergraduate students in Ho Chi Minh City, who do not live with any roommates on campus, become afraid to engage in conversations and avoid doing outdoor activities with their peers.  
  
More importantly, living alone means that there will be no one available to help people in urgent situations. In a normal house where there are family members living together, they can assist each other if some accidents suddenly happen at any time. In contrast, those, who live in an apartment alone, cannot ask for any help at the time they need it. For instance, my friend, who lived in the college's dormitory alone, died in his room due to a heart attack at night 5 years ago as there was nobody there to get him to the hospital in time.  
  
In conclusion, the fact that people now have a tendency to live alone is quite dangerous because they are separating themselves from their friends and families and there are emergency situations which they cannot call for assistance as soon as they need it.  
  
*Please be brutal !!! Highly appreciated your help as my test comes near.*
"*Please be brutal !!! Highly appreciated your help as my test comes near.*" Haha, nice joke BUT I WILL :V!  
First of all, as I can see here, your introduction is standout to me because of "This essay believes this...", i've never seen this before and i dont know this is good or bad ;V. BUT! Your introduction shouldn't show any reasons at all, they should be left in the body. Personally, i usually use the phrase: " while some... i believe that...", it's simple and effective that many 8.0 scorer use :).  
  
About the others, they just great, great use of vocab, grammar!!!  
... Seriously sorry for hearing that your friend is gone. Hope u live well in the future.
Hi @coke! Good luck to you in your exams!  
I think it is unnecessary to mention researches on the topic, because you`re asked to give your own opinion. And if you want to add some examples, they should be related to your personal experiences.  
  
Also, please, don`t use this kind of sentences in your exam:  
~~This essay believes~~ I believe this is a negative ~~development~~ trend, ~~because people will become socially isolated and they will not have anyone to rely on when they are in trouble.~~ although there may be some advantages to it.  
  
So to speak, give your reasons in the main paragraphs.
Hi @coke, I think you have many things to correct here.  
The first one is your introduction. Like many people mentioned before, you shouldn't use 'This essay believes...' because the question is asking you about your opinion, not the essay's (the essay cannot think by itshelf).  
  
The second problem is that you should use the subjuntive when writing essays. Because the things you mention in the essay may not be 100% true. Therefore, to be on the safe side, I think you should use the subjuntive or phrases like 'probably', 'likely' to make your writing sound more objective.  
  
Finally is your sentences. If I were you, I wouldn't use ~~this is to say...~~ because I haven't seen any essay containning this type of sentence have high scores. Your conclusion, too. Your conclusion is a little bit intricate, which can make readers confused.  
  
Good luck to you in your exam!
Hi guy,  
  
I would like to contribute some comments on your article.  
  
The arguments and ideas you give are very special and interesting.  
I'm sorry to hear the story about your friend.  
  
However, the introduction has a minor problem in the thesis statement. You should use in my opinion, in my choice or I believe in that. I think it will be more convincing.  
  
Wish you have the result as good as possible in the upcoming exam.
## changing working places or stick to one

  
  
***Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.  
  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge.***  
  
The majority of people may consider one question, whether they will work in the same enterprise for all their career or not when they get hired for the very first time. In fact, considering all the factors in every perspective and listening to suggestions given from veterans would be dominant actions before making any decisions.  
  
For those who work for the same organization may have the advantage of a thorough understanding of the working environment and working standard that supervisors would be satisfied with. Also, they may be familiar with colleagues that are good of both making outstanding cooperation and reach mutual consensus during the procedure. In addition, they may get more opportunities for promotions and even more pension after retirement. As for the companies' owner, there's a high likelihood that they think this sort of employees are more loyal and trusted.  
  
However, working at the same place may cause the problem of lacking working variety. On the contrary, people work for different occasions wouldn't have this problem, though. Apart from doing various types of works, they may also have chances to work with colleagues who hold different personalities. Therefore, they can gain more working experiences and increase their connections with people. I remembered that one of my friends told me about her journey to finding jobs. Initially, she was quite happy with being hired in a small company were employees owned plenty of free time and working spaces while paying with appropriate wages. After working for several years with high efficiency, one of her supervisors saw her potentials and recommended her to another international enterprise. She took the advice and transferred to the large scale corporation. She was quite struggling with the small working environment at first. Subsequently, she realized that this company has better welfare for workers and opportunities for meeting up with clients from different countries as well as the chances to go for retraining in affiliated companies around the world without spending huge amounts of money.  
  
In a nutshell, by changing working places you can learn things from different people, step out of your comfort zone, enhance your adaptability, and extend your visions. From my perspective, it's better to work for different enterprises once you are a well-planning person.  
  
*Please feel free to comment. Thank you!*
## the family effect

  
  
**In many countries today, people in cities either live alone or in small family units, rather than in large family groups. Is this a positive or negative trend?**  
  
Nowadays, people living in city are no longer stay with the big groups of family; they tend to have lonely life or their small family just including 2 generations. In my personal choice, this issue brought them both benefits and drawbacks as below.  
  
On the one hand, living alone or 2 generations family has some advantages in developing the foundation of their characteristics. It is undeniable that townsfolk gain the good experiences in life while they must face the problems such as foods, houses, children's education and other daily expenses. Almost of them become more enthusiasm, independent and responsible. In particular, they have to take responsibility with their owned life; it is effective to develop their career when their efforts are earning money and getting achievement to maintain and advance their living conditions.  
  
On the other hand, there are several drawbacks when townspeople do not live with their big families. Those usually consist of more 3 generations such as grandparents, parents and children. The elder people in a family achieved a lot of experience familiar their career and family problems. Nevertheless, because of living in different houses or even changing lifestyle, they cannot share a lot with their children, give advises or make suggestion in daily problems.  
  
In conclusion, living alone or in small family of people in city will be the good foundation in educating their characteristic but they will lack of shares, advises and suggestions about experience from the elder in their big family groups.  
  
P/s Hi guys, pls help me to improve my writing by your sincere comment. Give me your forecasted band core as well! My target is 6.
@acynguyen0909  
There are grammatical mistakes to be found in your essay. I'd suggest using assistance software to help you point out the errors. Small mistakes like '... are no longer stay**ING**' can damage your score.  
  
About the ideas, I wouldn't sit on a fence but stick to 1 side for this type of questions, which makes your opinion more consistent throughout the essay.  
  
I think the topic sentence in paragraph 2 is not clear. You could change the phrase 'developing the foundation of ...' to something like 'building up people's confidence to take responsibility in their lives'  
  
Paragraph 3 seems underdeveloped and the second sentence in this paragraph is not completed.
Hello. here are some comments:  
  
- Not sure if it is good to start two body paragraphs with "on the one hand" in the first and "in the other hand" in the following. This phrase should be used in only one paragraph to support a statement.  
  
- In the conclusion let alone the meaning, it should include at least two sentences.  
  
- an issue cannot bring any benefits, can it? and also why did you use in past tense?
@acynguyen0909  
Hello there!  
  
I'll try to provide substantive feedback on your essay.  
  
Firstly, I suggest trying to be more descriptive when you are elaborating your ideas. You mention in your third paragraph that a disadvantage of not having generations within a single household would be the absence of that elderly guidance that they can potentially provide. Put more weight into this. Introduce, for instance, a scenario wherein a younger person would want to have these interactions with the elderly. Tackle furthermore how this impacts the self-development of people in the long-run.  
  
The second paragraph is also quite unclear with the direction of the meaning that it's attempting to relay. Are you talking about the advantages of living independently, especially because they can focus more on activities that they individually enjoy? If this is what you are referring to, please be more explicit with writing a thesis line.  
  
For instance, you can opt to say:  
  
On the one hand, living alone o~~r 2 generations family~~ has ~~some~~ the advantage~~s~~ ~~in developing~~ of focusing on ~~the foundation of their characteristics.~~ their self-development.  
  
You should always try to write with as much intent and straightforwardness as much as possible. Always try to consider these.  
  
Best of luck as always!