dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hi Muhamad, before I give you a few suggestion in enhancing your essay, I must say that I agree, the key to happiness is really simple, simplicity id the key to make life worth living, however, most people doesn't really appreciate simplicity, a lot or most people loves extravagant life, a lot of things left, right and center and even if they think they have enough, they still want more and the more they see material stuff, they want it even more.  
  
Anyhow, please find a few suggestions below;  
  
- This article is made by Amanda MacMilan and ~~talking~~it talks about how  
- to ~~get~~achieve happiness in your family.  
- relationships with each other  
- and also make you feel happier ~~as part of your family~~ .  
- However, a new study ~~which shown by~~showed that a researcher discovered  
- that makes you closer ~~with~~to your family~~;~~.  
- makes you feel ~~more happiness~~happier and  
- it is more effective ~~way~~ rather than taking a vacation together.  
- According to Baylor University ~~which doing~~who conducted the survey~~ed for~~with several people,  
-~~it is~~they found that people who spent  
- their leisure time ~~by stayed~~staying at home  
  
There you have it Muhamad, I believe there are a few very minor enhancements that should be done in your essay, however, it will be better if those minor details are not in the sentence.
Letter 'X' is represented undefined or unknown. It something no definition such as the x-files, the x-price, the x-project and so on. The question is why this letter which is representative of unknown? Terry Moore have been explained it by learn some letters or language some countries. Starting Arabic language, he found in letter Syin. Moore elaborated that Arabic language symbols were containing mathematic wisdom and then it translated. Next it known as AL Jabra. However, one of problem was the Arabic symbol unpopular in European countries. To solve this, Moore said that Letter 'shin' translated become 'say on' which meant something that it some undefined and unknown thing. The problem from medieval Spanish scientist are translating these materials. The word 'Shin' become 'say on' cannot be render into Spanish language because Spanish difficult to say this sound. These problems be resolved by using Greek symbol X (read: kai) and then, this letter translated into English become X.  
  
Source: TED, Terry Moore
Hi Patta, please find a few suggestions the will hopefully be helpful to your revision.  
  
- Letter 'X' is ~~re~~ presented as undefined or unknown. - It something with no definition  
- The question is why is this letter  
- ~~which is~~the representative of the unknown?  
- Terry Moore ~~have been~~ explained it by learning - some letters or language from some countries.  
- ~~Starting~~It started with the Arabic language,  
- Arabic ~~language~~ symbols ~~were containing~~has mathematic wisdom and ~~then it~~is translated.  
- ~~Next it~~It is known as AL Jabra.  
- However, one of the problem ~~was~~in the Arabic  
- symbol is that, it is unpopular in European countries.  
- To solve this, Moore said that the Letter 'shin'  
- translated ~~become~~to 'say on' which  
- meant something ~~that it some~~ undefined and unknown thing.  
- The word 'Shin' ~~become~~became 'say on'  
- cannot be renderred into Spanish language  
- because Spanish speakers find it difficult to say this sound.  
- These problems be resolved by using Greek symbol X (read: kai) and then, this letter is translated into English ~~become~~and became X.  
  
There you have it Patta, I hope you follow through with the corrections and though the remarks and corrections in your sentences are minor, they should be eliminated in order to create a well defined and concise sentences.
**Can you give me all your suggestions about this essay and the average score, please.**  
  
It is generally agreed today that when a country develop its technologies, the long-established skills and ways of life become extinct. It is useless to try and remain them currently central. As such, it is worth asking if the traditional methods of life should exist. Personally, I think they should.  
  
On the one hand, we got used to modern technologies and it is hard to imagine our life without desktops, laptops, tablets, smart phones etc. For instance, for requesting a police clearance document we need to go on official site of state services. Besides physical dependence on technologies, human beings have psychological one on smart phones, because we can't even come out of a house without them. Thus, modern technologies make us be dependent on them.  
  
On the other hand, some people suggest that modern technologies are changing our long-standing traditions which we have been following since our birth.For example, my grandfather doesn't like smartphones or computers, because it is better for him to send an ordinary letter rather than to send an electronic mail. Moreover, one should note here that the modern technologies have changed loads of our habits: to meet your friend you shouldn't anymore go out to see him, because you can see him via skype or something alike. Therefore, the way they used to interact and communicate is being altered for our generation.  
  
In conclusion, one can say that despite the fact that we live in the modern world there are some people who are of the opinion that traditional experience and walks of life might remain.  
  
*
Hi, your writing is very good, but I don't think you really addressed the prompt directly. I don't think writing letters and seeing people in person are really "traditional skills and ways of life" - this would be more like making pottery by hand or making furniture by hand or cooking traditional recipes - really doing anything "the old-fashioned way". And your first body paragraph just discusses how common technology is, which really isn't a part of the prompt at all. The two paragraphs should be something like 1. It is ok if traditional skills dies out and 2. This is not ok, these skills should be preserved.  
  
Here are some specific suggestions:  
  
... when a country develop[s ] ... I think they should. {In your intro, you make it sound like the prompt's statement is a well-accepted fact, but then you contradict it. I think you cannot assume that the prompt is "generally agreed", that is what you are trying to agree or disagree with}  
  
On the one hand, we [have gotten] used ...  
  
... we need to go on [an] official site  
  
... human beings have [a ]psychological one  
  
...modern technologies make us ~~be~~ dependent on them. {this paragraph doesn't really discuss "traditional skills and ways of life at all"  
  
... have changed loads of {"loads of" is a little too informal to use in an essay like this} our habits: to meet your friend you [no longer have to] go out ... or something [similar].  
  
... traditional experience[s ] and walks of life might remain.
Hi Maxim, if I were to rate you according to how you answered the prompt and the usage of the English language rules and regulations, I must say I will give you an 8, I believe you have answered the prompt properly, your choice of words is of clarity and this is the best thing that you can do when writing an essay, as soon as you understand what is asked of you to write, you will be able to write a very good and comprehensive essay.  
  
Having said that, as I go through your essay, I have a few suggestions for the first and last paragraph of your essay.  
  
**First paragraph**  
- Today, it is generally agreed ~~today~~  
- It is useless to try and ~~remain them currently central~~keep the norms alive .  
  
Conclusion  
... that traditional experience and ~~walks~~norms of life ~~might~~should remain and be strengthened in order for the next generation to enjoy and rediscover life like the previous generations did .  
  
There you have it Maxim, I hope the above remarks help you with your revision.
**How to introduce yourself?**  
  
Speaker TED-x talked about how to be good self introduction with new person. He said, most of people in the world have different style self present. Grouping by age , there are many styles self acquaintance with new person. For example speaker said, when he was primary school they introduce their self with stranger," halloo my name is Kevin and I like power ranger", they do the same style when he was junior high school and senior high school. According to the speaker that is bad self introduction and almost everyone do it. In fact everyone have same pattern and meaning on their self acquaintance, and that is bad self introduction. On the other hand the speaker is popular man when he was collage, most of people call him as master self present and master communication. Back to the topic, based on the experience of speaker, most of strangers do not care about your self, major, activity, hobby and all of your life. Several people think of that other people activities are not important on their life and those are something boring. So, start being kind man, safe and honest. In addition , to get good self introduction we should be inspiring person, awesome person, and avoid the meaningless conversation. In the conclusion the speaker change their self introduction when he was collage with word " halloo am Kevin and I love when people truly happy".
Hello Bams, this is my correction and also feel free to correct me too  
  
He said, most of ....  
*He **likely** said **that** most of ....*  
  
Grouping by age , there are....  
*Grouping by **the** age, there are....*  
  
For example speaker said, when he was primary school they introduce their self with stranger....  
*For instance while speaker was at primary school, he and his friends introduced themselves with stranger by...*  
  
...that is bad self introduction and....  
*....**It** is **a** bad self introduction and...*  
  
And also too many repetition on your writing, maybe you have to parapharase your sentences.  
Thank you!
Hi Bams  
  
Here some suggestion to improv your writing :)  
  
when he was primary school they introduce their self with stranger  
they do the same style when he was junior high ...  
(it is quite confusing when you directly mention 'they', it is difficult to find where it refers to)  
  
almost everyonedoes it  
In fact, everyone~~have~~has same pattern (everyone is singular)  
  
... the speaker iswas popular man when he was in ~~collage~~college (Focus on your tenses)  
  
most of people called him  
  
Best wishes
Hi Bambang, below are additional thoughts for your revision.  
  
- ~~Speaker TED-x~~TED speaker X talked about  
- how to be good in introducing your self  
- ~~introduction with new person~~to other people .  
- He said, most ~~of~~ people in the world have different  
- style ~~self~~in presenting themselves .  
- Grouping by age , there are many styles self acquaintance with new person.  
- I'm not sure what you exactly mean by this sentence, however, I believe you mean this - Factoring the age, there are different styles in getting acquainted with a new person  
  
- For example, the speaker said,  
- when he was in primary school they  
- introduce ~~their self~~themselves with a stranger,  
- he was in junior high school and senior high school. - According to the speaker, that  
- In fact, everyone ~~have~~has the same pattern  
- ~~and meaning on their self acquaintance~~ , and that is bad self introduction.  
- On the other hand, the speaker is a  
  
There you have it Bambang, I believe the main focus of your revision should be in the construction of your sentences and making sure that the ideas are transpired with clarity.
Topics: **Movies are popular all over the world. Explain why movies are so popular. Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.**  
  
There have appeared endless discussions over the popularity of movies. Various reasons have been look into. My writing will carefully discuss the typical ones.  
  
First and foremost, what I want to put in my priority is bringing enjoyment. With the advance of modern technology, movies take us to the world of imagination. People always have somethings they need, and movies bring these things right to the front of people's eyes. For instance, a young boy will interest in some superhero movies, where human have super power and defeat the evil. A couple might want to watch love stories, and they are able to find these stories in romantic movies. Or an old man, when he remembers some past memories, some history movies could help him. Therefore, watching movies is a satisfaction experience. More interesting, movies are likely to strengthen our relationship. Watching movies is some of a few activities that family members could enjoy together. Furthermore, it is possible for us to more understand our friends base on their taste in movies. As a consequence, there is likelihood for us to attach to our connections. With no doubt, one of the reasons why movies are so popular is that they bring us the feeling of happiness.  
  
In the second place, being a great learning tool is another essential factor contributing to this essence. Each movie is a masterpiece of visual and sound. But more than that, movies create a chance for us to learn many new things. Obviously, the abundance of movies creates an enormous source to learn foreign languages. By providing the context when language is used, movies support us so that we can study the language faster and remember it longer. And if we want to learn about a specific topic, movies in that topic provide a great help. For example, we can study related words of computer by watching some programming-hacking movies. As a result, one of the best ways to learn language is through movies. More notably, movies can bring us the knowledge more than just the language. They also include many information about history, science, different culture in the worlds, etc. Furthermore, movies teach us many moral lessons that change the way we live. Without no doubt, we are bound to study more things from each movie.  
  
In summary, all the mentioned above are the convincing reasons for answering why movies are so popular. It is highly recommended that everybody should take my writing into detailed consideration to adopt appropriate policy on the popularity of movies.
***Watching movies is some of a few activities that family members could enjoy together.***  
Some indicates many, while few indicates little. You should say, "one of the few" instead of "some of the few" since "watching movies" is one of the the activies that family members could enjoy.  
  
You have quite a few grammar issues but nothing excessive really. It's the TOEFL so I'm pretty sure they'll let it slide but if you do want to correct those:  
  
Something refers to one in particular while somethings is incorrect It should be some thing which means more than one (some) thing (plural - things).  
  
*For instance, a young boy will interest in ~~some~~ superhero movies, where ...*  
You don't need "some" in there. Here some implies many while movies implies many. Movies is sufficient enough get rid of "some".  
  
interest should be interested  
  
*Or an old man, when he remembers some past memories, some history movies could help him.*  
Can be rephrased. Even though this is TOEFL, one thing in English is you want to avoid repetitive words. You use "movies" more often than not. You should find a synonym for the word movie such as "films".  
  
Ex: Or if an elderly gentleman remembers something from his past, a historic film could help him.  
You'll want to explain "how" it can help him, What about it will help him? Will it just help him reminisce?  
  
Combine sentences for example the one at the top of this reply with this one:  
  
*More interesting, movies are likely to strengthen our relationship. Watching movies ...*  
  
Ex: Interestingly enough, movies are more likely to strengthen our relationships because it's an activity that our family members can enjoy with one another  
  
Simple things like this you can work on, I've provided examples so now it's up to you to fix or improve them.
**Advantages and disadvantages with a small family**  
  
Almost families at present are small family, not the same in the past cause family are larger. Small family in the modern world have some advantages and disadvantages.  
  
I think here are two main benefits when living in a small family. That is when parents have less children, they will pay more attention for their children and sons get good condition about education, health, ect. Next, in the small families, parents have more time so they earn more than big families. As a result, their life are more comfortable as well.  
  
Beside, I believe there are three disadvantage. Firstly, children, who live in a small family, learned less social skills because there are few people in the house around them.Cause many helps and protections from their mother and father, they can't help in the house and depend themselves. Consequence they become irresponsible and selfish, that is second disadvantage. Lastly, they have few brother, sitter and both mother and father must earn, so they usually feel alone.  
  
In my opinion, the disadvantages of the small family were worse than advantage. If parents don't teach them carefully about how make good behavior and a right lifestyle, they will be irresponsible.
Hello  
  
Your text is understandable, but some of the sentences sound little awkward. Check the applied corrections below:  
  
~~Almost families~~ [...] *Nowadays, most people prefer to create small families - contrary to what it used to be the case in the past*.  
Small family [...] *There are both: advantages and disadvantages to such a way of acting.*  
~~I think~~ [...] *There are two main benefits to having a small family*.  
~~and sons get good condition about education, health, ect.~~ [...] you should consider removing this part of the sentence... it's redundant and poorly constructed.  
~~Next~~ , [...] *Also, parents in small families are more likely to be well-off, because they have more time on their hands to earn money.*  
~~Beside [~~ ...] *There are, however, some disadvantages to the concerned family-creating strategy, as well.*  
  
You should be able to take care of the rest of the text on your own. Consider reading some articles in English written by native speakers - you need to get a better 'feel' of the language.  
  
I hope this will help. Regards.
**TED 2 - John McWhorter: 4 reasons to learn a new language**  
  
John McWhorter described why we -as human- have to learn other languages. English is taking over the world, everybody is speaking English, the language of internet, language of popular music or even a language of air traffic control. Still people should learn another tongues even the society can communicate in only one language, English. These are the causes based on McWhorter's view, firstly, because language is the only key method to unite into one culture, to adapt with native society. Then create a multitasking person, to speak more than native language is a good proficiency. It gives more benefits on every single chance, work, scholarship, position and thousand more occasion. Third, to gain some fun. Learn a new speech is a lot of fun, gain knowledge while have so much enjoyment. Lastly know a novel language is discovering a new world which has a diverse words. However, the mode of go into language skills has developed from years to years which public is capable to learn everywhere without attending the class in this modern era.
English is taking over the world, everybody is speaking English, the language of internet, language ...  
>>this is spoken language: add cohesive devices to convert it into written form for a better flow.  
  
Still, people should learn another tongues[another+singular] even the society ...  
  
These are the causes based on McWhorter's view...  
>>these + plural, for this context you should use "one of the causes based on McWhorther's view is that because language..."  
  
Then[Another reason is, it can] create a multitasking person~~,~~[since] to speak more than ...  
  
Lastly, knowing a novel language ~~is~~means discovering a new ...
In the midst of activities, human needs to rest to empower the body. Health experts believe that the best path to rewire the body and brain is to spend your time by doing an activity in nature. Spending time in the wilderness can keep the stability of mind and soul.  
  
The present research illustrates that intellectual purpose weakens as a consequence of the energy discharge. Tests show that workers having time spent in the city producing a reductional ability to concentrate and to handle passion and heart. On the contrary, a depleting moment in the country creates the opposite effects.  
  
Unfortunately, many workers choose to get more centered in the metropolitan existence. Based on the situation, people should rejuvenate themselves in nature deliberately rather than keep forcing their stir in the town. Recesses are the best manner of leisure time. The states with the most holidays time are Italy with an approximate of forty-two days a year, and France with thirty-seven. Meanwhile, the hard-working Americans have the least around 13 days.
Hai Afdhel!  
Here is my notes for you.  
  
human needs ~~to~~ rest to empower the body.  
  
*rewire*[I can't find this word in English] .  
  
the body and brain is ~~to spend~~spending your time.  
  
intellectual purpose weakens [weakens what?, you should add more word such as noun because "weakens" is verb] .  
  
that workers who~~having~~have time spent in the city ~~producing~~produce a reductional ability to concentrate and ~~to handle~~handling passion and heart.  
  
The states ~~with~~ which have the most ~~holidays~~holiday time are Italy with ...  
Meanwhile, ~~the hard-working~~ Americans have the least around 13 days on the hard-working .  
  
I think you have not delivered your essay properly because of grammatical errors.  
You should improve your grammar in your next thread.  
Hoep this would help you.  
Overall, you did a good job Afdhel.
A hundred mile from the volcano the Maasai, Africa, the scientist have cataloged preserved human footprint in the mud from 5,000 to 19,000 years ago. More over 350 footsteps sketch in about square 50 meters, it larger than badminton court. Some the path seen to show around a dozen people mostly female and kids who travelled across mud together forward southwest. In overt time researchers have been published their study that they say that it will resemble their result which was identify at least 24 tracks, some possible joggers, more than a dozen people traveling together. For tracking of ancient people footsteps, the researcher created 3-D scans entire of Engare Sero, dance hall and all.  
  
Source: news.nationalgeographic
Hello PHA,  
Here some inputs for you.  
  
A hundred mile **away** from the volcano (...) scientist have cataloged preserved human footprint in...  
More over**than** 350 footsteps sketch ...  
Some **of** the path **are** seen to show around a dozen people **that consist** mostly female**S** and kids who travelled ...  
In over time*put comma* researchers have been published their study ~~that they say that it~~**which** will resemble the~~ir~~ result which was..  
  
**Good Luck!**