dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hi..  
Let me help you to finalize your essay. In this moment, I only focus on your contents of your essay.  
  
living in a small community brought some advantages and disadvantages.  
Purpose of writing the thesis statement is to describe your mind briefly. You should mention advantages and disadvantages which you will review, but you only write them through one or two words. It can help readers to get the points what you explain detailed in the body paragraph  
  
I think life in small town had plenty of advantages  
IN MY POINT OF VIEW, LIVING IN THE SMALL TOWN BRINGS A LARGE NUMBER OF ADVANTAGES.  
  
*Turning to the body paragraph, you actually have plenty ideas relating to the topic. However, you did not explain deeply. Keep in your mind that you can display the opinion but have to give supporting sentences. On condition that you don't., your opinions will seem like layman's opinion. Besides that, you should demonstrate concession in the last sentence each paragraph. It can illustrate the conclusion or consequent from all ideas.*  
  
people didn't not face so much pressure  
you do not ever contraction in the formal writing. PEOPLE DID NOT  
  
Besides  
APART FROM THOSE, THERE ARE A FEW DETRIMENTAL EFFECTS  
**(You should harness linking words properly)**  
  
All things considering  
IN CONCLUSION / TO CONCLUDE  
  
to strengthen your conclusion, you should include a suggestion. That relates to the matter. It comes from the government, citizens or other elements.  
  
Hopefully, these above can help you greatly.  
GOOD LUCK
**Advantages and disadvantages of living in a small community**  
  
In the pace of life now, most of people live in small villages or remote areas try to seek a way to live and work in large cities and they hope that they will have better life there. Besides, there are many advantages and disadvantages to being citizens of a big city.  
  
There are three benefits that I want to mention. Firstly, it is not difficult for people to find a suitable job in a large community. This means people can earn money to meet their needs. Besides that, in modern cities, not only adults will have a chance to progress their careers, but also children will have a better education. There are many chances for them to contact with the global knowledge for improving their abilities. In addition, healthcare and medical services are also in higher standard for satisfying the citizens. And, going with the development of life, the requirement of people for entertainment also changes a lot. Because of this changing, people have opportunities to approach many modern techniques. By a reason that makes people more creative and active.  
  
On the other hand, live in the big cities, the busier the people are, the colder the people will be. They do not have much time for going around their neighborhood to talk each other. As a result, they have less time for taking care of their children even though themselves. And the children, they have to study a lot. After school, they just stay at home and play video games no chance for running around or play with other children.  
  
In my opinion, living in the small villages, people have much free time for looking after their family but their income sometimes is not enough for their demands. In modern cities, there are many opportunities for people to enjoy many types of amenities of life and they do not feel lonely any more.
~~Besides~~After all , there are many advantages ...  
  
... chances for them to ~~contact with~~approach the global knowledge ~~for improving~~so that they can their abilities.  
  
... are also in higher standard **for satisfying the citizens**. (I don't think this is appropriate).  
  
~~And~~Furthermore , going with the development of life...  
**Because of this changing, people have opportunities to approach many modern techniques. By a reason that makes people more creative and active.**  
  
*Comment*: I think you should add or change some ideas here because entertainment and modern techniques seem irrelevant.  
  
~~On the other hand~~However , ~~live~~living in the big cities, ... (I'm not sure about this, but "On the other hand" should not be used here)  
  
... around their neighborhood to talk with each other.  
  
... taking care of their children and even ~~though~~ themselves.  
  
~~And the children, they~~Moreover, the children have to study a lot.  
... just stay at home ~~and~~, play video games, and no chance for running ...  
  
*Comment*: Remember that each paragraph should contain one idea, and supporting information for that idea must relevant.  
  
... small villages, people have ~~much~~more free time for looking ...  
  
*Comment*: The conclusion should summarize the ideas of your writing. You doesn't talk about small villages in your writing, and the disadvantages of big cities are missing here.
**Rory Steart: Time to end the war in Afghanistan**  
  
The war in Afghanistan has been existing for decades. However, Afghanistan does not to pose and existential threat to global security. It is extremely unlikely the Taliban would ever be able to take over the country and It is extremely unlikely that Al-Qaeda would significantly enhance its ability to harm the United States or harm Europe. Anyway, we need more people who are telling the truth, who know the current situation in Afghanistan. We should tell the truth to the united nation since they only have little idea of what is going on over there.  
  
Over the last 10 years, several amazing improvements developed such as within six months there were two and a half million more girls in school and There were 14 health clinics in that area alone.  
  
Source: youtube
The war in Afghanistan has been existing for decades.  
*However, Afghanistan does not to pose and existential threat to global security.* CONFUSING SENTENCE  
=what occurs in Afghanistan do not seem like existential threats to global security  
  
It is ~~extremely~~ unlikely the Taliban (...) the country ~~and It is extremely unlikely that~~ JUST LIKE IT IS IMPOSSIBLE THAT Al-Qaeda would (...) harm the United States or ~~harm~~ Europe.  
  
~~We should tell the truth to~~ TO SPEAK IN the united nation since ...  
... amazing improvements HAVE BEEN developed such as (...) million more girls ATTENDING school ~~and T~~ WHILE there were 14 health clinics BUILT in that area alone.  
  
**OVERALL, YOU NEED TO CONCERN ON THE WAY YOU COMPOSE SENTENCE. PAY ATTENTION ON ACCURACY AND SENTENCE COMPLETION WHILE ALSO DELIVERING THE MEANING CLEARLY AND UNDERSTANDABLY.**
**Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Other, however argue that circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should be taken into account when deciding the punishment.  
  
Discuss both views and give your own opinion**  
  
People have different views about the decision-making to sentence the crime action nowadays. While some argue that there should be certain punishments for every crime types, I believe that adjudication have to consider about the reason of an individual crime when deciding the punishment.  
  
With regards to fixed punishments for every type of crime, there are some advantages of this system. Government does not need to spend much time to solve some report of criminal cases. Therefore, law workers are able to performing their duties effectively and efficiently. In addition, the system can give early awareness to people who have potency to involve in criminality. This is because the rules have been fixed to each type of crime, so they will be more consider to get involved in activity which break the rules.  
  
However, I believe that adjudicators have to examine the motivations of criminal agents. Some criminals confessed their reasons to do the inappropriate action are caused urgent conditions such as poverty and self-defense. For example, there was a poor old woman be arrested and be convicted for 10 months imprisonment due to steal three sweet potatoes which growth in the field of her neighbor to feeding her grandchild who have not eaten for two days. As the result, citizens reacted and asked the judge to reconsider about the punishment because of this heartbreaking conditions. Finally, law worker still need to hear their conscience before sentences the criminal suspects.  
  
To sum up, to decide a punishment for individual criminal, a judge have to consider the motivation when deciding a proper punishment. Everyone have to understand that equal is not always fair, it is important to think about humanity for all concerned.
... to sentence the crime ~~action~~ PERPETRATORS nowadays.  
.., I believe that ~~adjudication~~ ADJUDICATORS have to consider (...) an individual ~~crime~~ CRIMINALS when deciding the punishment. OR ... I BELIEVE THAT ON ADJUDICATION PROCESS, THE REASON BEHIND EVERY CRIME SCENES/ACTS SHOULD BE CONSIDERED BEFORE THE PUNISHMENT DECIDED.  
  
**OVERALL, GOOD INTRODUCTION**  
  
*With regards to fixed punishments for every type of crime, there are some advantages of this system.* [BY WRITING LIKE THIS, THE QUESTIONS ARE MORE LIKELY TO BE ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES OF FIXED PUNISHMENT. YOU MAY NEED TO A LITTLE BIT CHANGE YOUR SENTENCES SO THAT IT WILL BE ABOUT WHY PEOPLE THINK FIXED PUNISHMENT SHOULD BE ENFORCED]  
  
... time to solve some reportS of criminal cases.  
... are able to perform~~ing~~ their duties ...  
In addition, ~~the~~ THIS system can give early ...  
.., so they will ~~be more consider~~ THINK TWICE to (...) which breakS the rules.  
  
... inappropriate action are caused BY urgent conditions such as ...  
... poor old woman ~~be~~ arrested and ~~be~~ convicted for 10 months imprisonment ~~due to steal~~ FOR STEALING three sweet potatoes ~~which~~ growth (...) to feed~~ing~~ her grandchild who have ...  
  
~~Finally~~ THUS, law worker still need (..) before sentence~~s~~ the criminal suspects.  
  
.., a judge ~~have~~ HAS to consider the motivation ~~when deciding~~ IN ORDER TO IMPOSE a proper punishment.  
... equal is not always MEANT fair, it is important (...) for all CIRCUMSTANCES  
  
**OVERALL, i find your writing is well-structured with sentences that easy to understand. Good luck**
**Some people believe that there should fixed there should fixed punishment for each type of crime, others however that the cirumtances of an should be taken into account when deciding the punishment.  
  
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.**  
  
Many people believe that punishment of crime type should be cleared while others argued that the circumstance of person to instance to crime because motivation factor and might be taken into account before deciding punishment. In this essay I will discuss of both of views. However, I agree that law should be cleared in each crime type.  
  
Common believe that people should be obey of law. It is meant that people who commit to crime should be looked by circumstance and motivation. For example, and economic reason. Some people evolve in crime because they are unemployment. In urban area, number of crime people are average young people. They have not education, low economic background. As a result they cannot another choice and then become a young gangster. Government should be more attention of their reason and then give punishment.  
  
On the other hand, law maker should be fixed the variety of crime. Nowadays, many variation of crime cannot be cleared because government was still confused to finish it. For example corruption, It is extraordinary crime. Many people are jailed most of public representative, government officer. They have been punished fewer 20 year while China have policy to death penalthy of this case. In the other hand, other crime such as drugs crime have death penalty. Those problem have to be more elaborate and fixed before punishment.  
  
In conclusion, those statements that I mentioned before. I stand the punishment need cleared and I recommend that stakeholders need be discuss intensionally about it.
**at first, it is evident that you need to practice and learn more on how to compose a well-structured sentence. there are so many improvements need to be done on each of your sentences before we can discuss about the coherence of your paragraph. Thus, fix your sentence first before we talk about your paragraphing.  
  
your severe issue on composing your sentences, unfortunately affects the meaning of your whole essay. it is vague and unclear although I personally believe that you already understood the question and attempted to give your best effort on fully answering the task responses.  
  
at last, you need to practice more to write a long essay. this essay is only consisted of 251 words. too risky. Under length issue means you may get penalty.**  
  
... that punishment of ~~crime type~~ EACH CRIMES should be ~~cleared~~ CLEARLY ARRANGED while others argue~~d~~ that the circumstance of person ~~to instance to~~ ON COMMITTING crime ~~because~~ SUCH AS motivation factor ~~and might~~ SHOULD be taken into account before deciding KINDS OF punishment GIVEN. In this essay I will discuss ~~of~~ both of views~~. However,~~ WHILE I TEND TO agree that law should be ~~cleared~~ FIXED in each crime type.  
  
Common PEOPLE/MOST PEOPLE believe that ~~people~~ THEY should ~~be~~ obey ~~of~~ THE law. It ~~is meant~~ MEANS that ~~people~~ THOSE who commit ~~to~~ crime should be ~~looked~~ CONSIDERED by THEIR circumstance and motivation . ~~For example, and~~ economic reason IS ONE OF THE EXAMPLE OF THAT. ...  
  
In urban area, ~~number of crime people are average~~ MOST OF CRIMINALS ARE young people. They have ~~not education~~ NO EDUCATION AND FROM low economic background. As a result [COMMA] they ~~cannot another choice and then~~ become ~~a~~ young gangster. Government should GIVE ~~be~~ more attention ~~of~~ TO their reason ~~and then~~ BEFORE give punishment.  
  
On the other hand, law makerS should ~~be~~ fixe~~d~~ the variety of PUNISHMENT FOR EACH crime. Nowadays, many ~~variation of~~ crimeS cannot be cleared because government ~~was~~ IS still confuse~~d~~ HOW TO ENFORCE ~~to finish~~ it. For example corruption, ~~It~~ is AN extraordinary crime. ~~Many people are jailed most of public representative, government officer.~~ MANY PEOPLE JAILED WERE ONCE PUBLIC REPRESENTATIVE OR GOVERNMENT OFFICERS. They have been punished ~~fewer~~ FOR ONLY 20 yearS while China ~~have~~ HAS policy to IMPOSE death ~~penalthy of~~ PENALTY ON this case. In the other hand, ~~other~~ ANOTHER crime such as drugs crime ~~have~~ HAS death penalty AS THE PUNISHMENT. Those problemS have to be more elaborateD and fixed before punishment GIVEN.  
  
In conclusion, those statements that I mentioned before.UNCLEAR AND INCOMPLETE STATEMENT I stand THAT the punishment needS TO BE cleared ~~and~~ WHILE I recommend that stakeholders need TO be discussED intentionally ~~about it.~~  
  
**GOOD LUCK**
**Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and motivation for committing it, should be taken into account when deciding the punishment.  
  
Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
The large number of inhabitants agree that every type of crime has to get punishment directly, while others believe that the criminal sentence must consider the other factors influencing the crime. This essay will discuss both views.  
  
Nowadays, the amount of crime has increased and thus most people are not able to live in peaceful situation. Consequently, most of them convince that the government must punish people committing in criminal activity. For instance, a person robbing a house and killing the owner of the house should get a severe sentence such as prison sentence along the life or death punishment. The simple reason is to emerge the wary effect to other criminals. As the result, most of them think that it is able to have immense possibility to reduce the crime amount and to provide peace life for the society.  
  
On the other hand, many believe that the sentence is able to be given after the authority has done the deep investigation to know the other factors influencing people to commit the crime. For example, pick pockets are able to get amnesty when they have a strong reason why they are involved in the stealing activity such us to maintain their life as they live in poor condition or someone has forced them to do it. It pertains to human right as well since every person has the same right to get protection in front of the law.  
  
All in all, several people state that the punishment has to be given as soon as possible, while many think that the sentence must wait until the account of crime has been met. However, I personally believe that the criminals are supposed to get sentence as soon as possible because it is able to maintain a good situation in society. It is imperative that the government has to arrange the policy to regulate this case wisely.
**overall, it is evidence that you already have a good pattern on composing essay while write your sentences with less minor errors. However, your whole essay do not really meet the prompt. It slightly out of topic in the way you delivering the first view. it should be about fixed/arranged punishment. for example, those who commit murder need to be given death penalty without any concern about their criminal motives, even if it just a self-defense effort. Thus, you need to revise your first body paragraph, introduction, and conclusion**  
  
THUS, I only give some suggestions on your second body paragraph  
  
... many believe that the sentence is ~~able to~~ SHOULD be given (...) has done ~~the~~ A/CERTAIN deep investigation to ~~know~~PROBE/FIND OUT etc the other factors ...  
  
For example, pickpockets [no space] ~~are able to~~ SHOULD[Concern about the meaning of modal form you need to use with regard to its meaning. on this case, it is not about 'ability' so you should not use 'able'. Indeed, you need to use 'should' cause it is about something that suppose to do] get amnesty when they (...) are involved in ~~the~~  
  
... well since every personS has the same right to get ...  
  
**GOOD LUCK**
**Google Introduces the Pixel, Its Own Smartphone**  
  
Google has published its smartphone manufactured by some companies such as Samsung, LG Electronics, and Lenovo. Google's new strategy of controlling both hardware and software for its devices. The Google's CEO, Sundar Pichai remarked that this projected executed to provide computers can understand what people are saying and responds conversationally with the right information at the right moment. It aims to build a personal Google for each and every individual. It named Pixel as the first smartphone with the Google Assistant built into the device. It was a component of new-product barrage including a Wi-Fi router, a virtual reality headset and a Chromescast device for streaming high-resolution video. It would be a prospective competitor for Apple and Android smartphone.
Google Introduces the Pixel, Its Own Smartphone  
  
Google has BEEN published its smartphone ...  
  
It ~~named~~CALLED Pixel as the first ...  
  
1. REMEMBER AND PAY ATTENTION TO USE THE PAST TENSE  
2. BE CAREFULL WITH NEGATIVE SENTENCES (S + TO BE + V3)  
NICE SUMMARY BUT THE LITTLE OF FALSE MAKE RUINS YOUR SUMMARY.  
GOOD JOB!
Hello Abrahamlincon  
I have a twice of advice to you  
  
The Google's CEO, Sundar Pichai remarked that this projectedexecuted  
**.......there are two verbs in your sentence  
.......projected= verb  
.......executed= verb  
.......you have to eliminate one of them**  
  
to provide (article) computers can understand what ...  
**......i think you need an article before noun**
Hi Lincoln, below are my thoughts on your article summary.  
  
- ~~Google's~~This is google's new strategy of  
- that this project~~ed~~is executed to provide  
- computers that can understand  
- what people are saying and respond~~s~~ conversationally  
- It is named Pixel ~~as~~and is the  
- It would be a prospect~~ive~~ competitor for  
  
There you have it Lincoln, so far, this is the most straight forward article summary that I have read from you and I can see that you made a lot of progress and I hope this will keep on increasing and develop your technique in writing, not only that, this means that you definitely understand what you are reading, this will help you gain a better understanding on a more complex prompt and you will also see your progress and thats a very rewarding feeling, well at least that's for me, I hope it's for you too. Keep up the good work.
**Independent Writing Task for TOEFL iBT**  
Question:  
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?  
**The things we learn from our friends are more important than what we learn from our family.**  
Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.  
  
For some people, absorbing an abundance of learning from their own friends is very significant as they assume that there will be a lot of problem-solving gained. The others, however, prefer to get this kind of issue from family belonging to since they suppose that it is more important. In my own perspective then, I do stand for the first idea due to the fact that based on my experience, I attempt more cases inspiring me when I am interacting with several persons getting a friend in me.  
  
Basically, I could not deny that family of mine did deliver much knowledge as the foundation so that I can live this life in a good way. When I was a kid, for instance, my parents taught me sharing concept, especially when I was getting along with surrounding, not to mention siblings. That I am not alone in this world so I am supposed to have an empathy sense with other people, is what I learned. This term nevertheless gradually decreased regarding the quality time to time as I have grown up.  
  
Recently, I have been used to spend days outside rather than inside my home. I have blended in with a wider scope of interaction and I have fit in with various types of people. Diversity then gives me numerous experiences in terms of the way I behave and handle certain matters faced.  
  
Moreover, getting inspired from my friends, particularly the peers, is more realistic because they are in the similar circumstance to me. It is more adequate when I have to compare to my condition and my friends indeed understand more about my problem shared. This situation hence contributes a lot to my life.  
  
All in all, it is unavoidable that family circle has a main role to teach about real life for some extents, specifically in early ages. Thus, I believe for a typical person like me, learning can be adapted more from friends.
Hi Lina, I believe this is the first time I'm going to review one of your essays and I hope this is just the start of a good partnership, I can assure you, you can rely on us for help and assistance in your writing projects and should you have anything at all, we will be here for you.  
  
Having said that, I would like to share, in line with this particular prompt, that friends and the people around us are part of who we are and what we will become, we learn lessons from them, from everybody that we talk to, people on the street, on the bus, by the cafeteria and pretty much everywhere, we learn from them, it doesn't matter if it's a big lesson to learn or something that will make us powerful, this are lessons that will help shape us to become a good person.  
  
Now, as I review your essay, I must say, you started out quiet strong and this is supported by the succeeding paragraphs, however, the last paragraph did not really deliver, having said that, please find my suggestions below;  
  
- ~~All in~~Over all, it is ~~unavoidable~~proven that our family circle has a ~~main~~major role to teach us about real life for ...  
Thus, I believe that for a typical person like me, further learning can be adapted ~~more~~ from friends.  
  
There you have it Lina, I hope the corrections above are helpful.