dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hi, this is my writing. Thank all the contributors for commenting on my essay!  
  
## **The graph below shows the percentage of Australian exports to 4 countries from 1990 to 2012**

  
  
The line graph compares and contrasts data on the changes in the proportion of Australian international exports to 4 distinctive countries over a 23-year period.  
  
In general, while Japan and US tended to import less from Australia during the research timescale, figures for China and India registered an opposite trend. Another striking feature is that Australia export the least to India over the period.  
  
A closer look into the graph reveals that Japan initially imported the most from Australia in 1990, with a percentage of approximately 26 percent. Its reading fell slightly until 2005, where it started fluctuating and ending up at around 18 percent in 2012. Similarly, readings of the US began at about 11 percent, then dropped marginally over 5 years, and in the remaining years it constituted nearly 7 percent of exports from Australian.  
  
As regards China, although its percentage of Australian imports began at about 3 percent in 1990, its records rose significantly over time and reached its peak in 2012 at about 28 percent. The figure for India, however, remained the smallest throughout the period, starting in the vicinity of 1 percent and finishing at roughly 5 percent.  
  
(193 words)  
  
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The summary overview should include the list of the countries involved. Remember, this is a summary of the report so the first paragraph should include all short form information from the graph. That includes the list of countries involved, the years indicated, and the trending statement. You have only a single sentence representing the summary overview. You should have 3-5 sentences in the summary overview to offer a complete shortened information paragraph. The trending statement should be combined with the summary overview.  
  
Had you followed the proper summary overview format, you could have easily presented this essay in the standard 3 paragraph format that allows you to perform a better comparison discussion. It would have also prevented you from presenting run-on sentences in your paragraphs. The extra long sentences that do not present any additional punctuation marks aside from a comma means your paragraphs are not properly formatted. Try to use a proper balance of simple and complex sentences so that you can properly meet the formatting requirements.  
  
Be on the lookout for the times when the lines in the graph meet. You should report those as overlapping information, indicating an approximate year reference. These types of additional details help you score under the "make comparisons where relevant" section of the prompt.
## Pellet working as researchers in technology

  
  
The table illustrates the number of technological researchers in the five countries from 2003 to 2007. The measure unit was per million people  
In general, Poland had the highest number of people working in this field while Togo had the lowest. Moreover, Apart from Poland with a decrease, Turkey with a rise, the other three countries all experienced a fluctuation.  
  
Out of the five countries, Poland had the largest number of people working as tech researchers, with 285. Except in 2005, the number in Poland was higher than any countries, in any year. Nevertheless, it was the only countries that underwent a downturn.  
  
Mexico, in 2003, was in the second place with 147. It overtook Poland in 2005 and peaked at 234 in the same year. However, this number decreased slightly in the following year and rose again to 183 in 183 in 2007.  
  
Starting with 103 in 2003, Moldova fluctuated dramatically. After a significant drop to 89 in 2005, it increased to 114 in 2007. Togo had the same fluctuation. With 18 in 2003, the country reached its peak in 2003. Over a three year period, it dropped to 18, the same number as 2003. Turkey was the only country that had an upswing. Just nearly 50 in 2003, it rose by more than 55% to 106 in the next four year.  
  
*
Your essay is quite okay, however, I think there are some points to notice:  
\_ Some sentences need units (such as "Mexico, in 2003, was in the second place with 147 RESEARCHERS", "Starting with 103 PER MILLION in 2003, Moldova fluctuated dramatically", ...)  
\_ Wrong information ( " Togo had the same fluctuation. With 18 in 2003, the country reached its peak in 2003.", it REACHED ITS PEAK IN 2005, NOT 2003)  
\_ This sentence ("Just nearly 50 in 2003, it rose by more than 55% to 106 in the next four year.") should be written as ("STARTING AT just nearly 50 in 2003, it rose by more than 55% to 106 in the next four year.") so that it is grammatically correct.  
  
In general, you did a great work. You should spend a few minutes reviewing your task for inaccurate information like the one above.
You presented a good summary overview. However, you should have listed the other 3 countries in a creative manner as well. That way you would have fulfilled all the information summary requirements and, allowed yourself to get a better GRA score since you would have been able to use more punctuation marks and sentence types in the paragraph. Indicate the parts of the table as well. I know you indicated the years, but you still need to indicate the number of columns in the table at the very lest.  
  
The task 1 essay is normally only a 3 paragraph presentation. The part about Mexico should be presented as a part of the second paragraph presentation. Although, Togo did not have the same fluctuations throughout. Your analysis was a bit off. It was similar for certain years, but not the same for 2005.
## **People nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past**

  
*What do you think is the reason behind this? And what are the effects of this?*  
  
In recent years, people have not got as much sleep as they did before. The main reason for this is a considerable amount of work that workers have and inadequate sleep has a disastrous impact on people's life.  
  
In the face of the economic pressure, people are often snowed under with work, leaving little time for relaxation. Many young people decide to have multiple jobs to increase their incomes, creating more work tasks to complete in addition to their housework, such as childcare or laundry. Being employed in different positions, the reduction of sleep is unavoidable for these employees. Furthermore, the advances in technology enable people to work at the touch of a button. This means that people probably have to perform their jobs even during their bedtime.  
  
Turning to the effects of this unwanted tendency, insufficient sleep can cause myriads issues for people. The first and foremost problem that people face when they do not have enough sleep is health-related issues. It is scientifically proven that sleepless people have a higher blood pressure than their ordinary fellows, as a result, higher chances to experience a heart attack. Secondly, a lack of sleep could detrimentally affect people's everyday activities. For example, students can easily lose concentration on their lessons or might fall asleep during their classtime, causing them to fall behind with their study and perform poorly at school.  
  
In conclusion, sleep is not respected by people as it did before. Unless there is a reduction in the amount of work people get, health problems will occur more frequently and social lives will be negatively affected.  
  
*Any comments would be highly appreciated!*
**Hi, your essay is quite good, but there are still a few things I would suggest to make it perfect!**  
  
-You shoudn't directly state the reason in the introduction. Instead, make it a topic sentence for the first paragraph of the body.  
-Your second idea of the second paragraph is not clearly developed. You should explain more about working during bedtime, like how specifically they do that, so that it could be more persuasive.  
  
-You sometimes use inappropriate words. For example, in the conclusion, it shouldn't be "respected", i suggest using "taken for granted". Besides, I notice that you use "everday". Actually not many people pay attention to this. Every day is on regular basic, but everyday (no space) means something that usually happens and becomes a norm. So in this case, you should have a space between 2 words.
The prompt response is incomplete. You forgot to include the effects of lack of sleep. That is why your paraphrased presentation is 1 sentence short of the minimum count. When you are asked to respond directly to the questions. Answer in individualized sentences. Present a clear response to each question so that the clarity of your opinion can be judged on the examiner's end. You should not say "and inadequate sleep has disastrous impact..." because that is not a response to the question. Close the sentence at "amount of work that workers have." Then, present the direct effect in the last sentence ( This results in higher blood pressure...). That way the paragraph is properly formatted for the benefit of the examiner.  
  
In the first reasoning paragraph, you should not have a reason presented towards the end of the paragraph. It is under developed and did not help your previous information set up. Instead, it brought down the quality and clarity of the discussion you presented.  
  
Do not use English phrases incorrectly. People are not "snowed under", they are "snowed in". You should have instead referred to "people are buried under an avalanche of work", which would have been a more appropriate description of the situation. The conclusion needs to be improved. You need to properly restate the topic, the discussion reasons, and your concluding sentence within 3-5 sentences. Otherwise, the essay isn't properly wrapped up for the examiner to score.
This is not an opinion essay, this is a research paper. The length is not in accordance with the Task 2 essay. A task 2 essay is presented within a 250-290 word requirement only. By writing 563 words, you have written an academic paper, not an opinion paper. You seem to have forgotten that there is a 40 minute time limit in writing this essay. So you have to keep it short but clear in terms of discussion points. 25 sentences maximum, 4 paragraphs long, 5 sentences per paragraph. This is not a research paper so do not treat it as such.  
  
You have to learn to say more with less English words. That is what the test is all about, your ability to quickly and clearly express yourself in English. At this point, the essay is good, but over discussed. You would run out of time to finish your essay during the actual test if you wrote this length. While the essay that you wrote is very clear and easy to follow, there is still a problem existing when one considers that your essay is not really a balanced mix of simple and complex sentences.  
  
Learn how to keep the essay short. Focus on targeted content writing, not extended discussion presentations. Your inability to write clearly and quickly could result in a scoring problem for you down the road.
***Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children.***  
  
## To what extent do you agree?

  
  
Owing to the huge media coverage of celebrities, there is a view that it has negative influence on teenagers. This essay will explain why I believe this statement is only true to a certain extent as such coverage does present some positives for children.  
  
To begin with, a number of media channels broadcast and write about celebrity sightings which has indirectly lead to a fashion following culture. This is a problem because children being impressionable get attracted to such branded clothes and exotic dressing-sense to an extent that they want to copy it. It has been found several times that children demand their parents to buy matching dresses and branded shoes as they saw in clips on the news media. Consequently, it has now come to a point that children compete and argue with each other in an attempt to look superior by copying a celebrity. Conversely, if such pictures or videos were not broadcasted, children would have been happy with what they had.  
  
However, I believe such news coverage of celebs does bring some positives, most important of which is following their idol. In other words, teenagers envy celebrities as their role-model and are highly influenced by them. As a good example, numerous media outlets publish about successful entrepreneur celebrities giving guidance on how to become successful like them. Another instance can be celebs teaching that everyone should respect older people. Such coverage provides a highly positive influence on youngsters to work hard and respect their elders. Evidently, it is a positive for individuals and society as a whole.  
  
In brief, although reporting about celebrities by media present negatives in terms of blind fashion following by teenagers, I believe, it does hold the power to influence children positively to work-hard and respect elders.
The positives of the celebrity influence on children is not the point of this discussion. The only topic that should be reflected in your discussion is the degree of your agreement or disagreement with the given statement. That means, you must offer the measurement of your response to the given statement. You did not do that in this essay. Rather than a single opinion extent essay, you presented a comparative essay which does not clearly offer an opinion on your part in the manner required. This essay is improperly formatted and not responsive to the task. You must indicate the strength of your opinion using emotional response such as strong, in maximum dis/agreement, vehemently opposed, or other similar descriptive phrases. Then, focus the discussion on 2 reasons that will strongly strengthen your opinion in the discussion paragraphs.
@Holt  
Hi Holt, Thank you for review.  
I would like to argue that to what extent essays are more like you agree, you disagree or you have partial opinion.  
With that being said, I gave first para to support agreement and latter one for disagreement, evidently, it is partial agree essay.  
The context of positive and negative is to present a point that agrees with my claim  
Please correct me if I am wrong.
## Youngsters do not participate in their community these times

  
  
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people nowadays do not give enough time to helping their communities. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.  
  
It is really critical that youngsters to contribute in their society since they regard as a more energetic group of each community. Personally, I believe that young generations do not dedicate sufficient time to assist to their society. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.  
  
First of all, young people have not been taught the value of engaging in their community. To be more specific, education systems do not allocate any courses that teach students the importance of contribution in their society, or parents just encourage their children to study hard in order to be a top student; therefore, get a well-paid job after graduation.  
  
Secondly, technology has changed peoples' life especially young adults. Technologies like computers or the Internet take away a much free time of young people, so they do not have time for other activities like taking part in their communities' issues. In other words, they spend their free time in the virtual world rather than the real world. Consequently, they are not aware of what happens in their communities. For instance, when they have spare time, they try to surf the Internet, use social media, listen to music, or play games.  
  
In conclusion, I am of the opinion that young people these days do not participate in their community. This is due to the fact that they have not learned the values of community and how to take part in it, and because the advent of technology has altered life.
You have to make sure that your prompt restatement is an accurate retelling of the original prompt. You do not begin the discussion in the prompt restatement as you did in this presentation. You have to be closer to the original when you discuss and offer your response. For example, you could have said:  
  
*The young adults of today are often seen as uncaring for their neighborhoods. I share this opinion for 2 reasons. First, their parents do do not teach them the importance of community engagement. Second, technology has changed the way that grownups interact with one another, eliminating the importance or real world participation. My expanded reasoning explanations follow below.*  
  
Your explanations are good, but require more substance. Avoid run-on sentences as presented in your reasoning paragraphs and conclusion. You need to explain your examples better. Don't just give an example then not explain it. You have to develop it very well for clarity and coherence. You have good ideas, but you need to develop the explanations further or at least, add more clarity to the examples given to aid in clarity and coherence.
## Unemployment rates: usa and Japan

  
  
The line graph provides information on the percentage of people who were unemployed in the US and Japan from March 1993 to March 1999.  
It can be seen from the graph that the US and Japan followed the opposite pattern between 1993 and 1999. At the beginning, while US had the highest figure for the percentage of people who didn't have a job, Japan started at the lowest point.  
  
Getting into the details, in 1993, in spite of more unemployed workers in the US than in Japan, with 7% and 2.5% respectively, two countries both ended with around 5% in 1999. With regard to the US, the unemployment rate decreased significantly from 1993 to 1996, and then fluctuated mildly around 5% until the end of the period. On the contrary, Japan's percentage of the unemployed witnessed a considerable growth of 2.5% and reached a peak at roughly 5.5% in March 1998.  
  
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I do not feel that you have written enough words to justify your English writing skills. Writing only 151 words means you only wanted to meet the minimum word requirement. It does not mean that you tried to showcase your writing skills in any way. So your limited written presentation will also result in a limited scoring potential for your essay. That means, your score will only be passing at the most. However, since you have clarity and conciseness issues, you may not even achieve the passing band score. Next time, aim for the better scoring word count of 175-190 words. Try to highlight your potential in reporting data whenever possible.  
  
This is a 3 paragraph format essay. You only have 2 paragraphs presented. You have failed to properly compare data points in your essay, There was a specific failure on your part to compare the overlapping data in from the line graph pertaining to unemployment rates in March 98 and 99. You must make sure to review the information in a manner where you can spot and report on the meeting points of the information provided.
## Is the art for everyone?

  
  
Topic: Some people say that art (e.g painting, music, poetry) can be made by everyone whereas others believe that it can only be made by those with special abilities.  
  
**Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
Please check my essay. Much appreciated!  
Summary:  
1. Introduction  
2. reason for limiting people to make art  
3. reason for freely making art  
4. my opinion  
5. conclusion  
Total words: 308  
  
From the early years of humans being, there has been a big controversy over whether creative things of music, literature and painting should be created by only talented people, or by the whole world. To the best of my knowledge, although both viewpoints have positive and negative aspects, I am in great approval of freely allowing everybody to make art.  
  
To begin with, the most supported idea of limiting people to make artistic productions is to respect true talents. Nowadays, when everyone can post everything they make on social network, art work of truely talented people can easily be blurred by other celebrities' creations, even it is just a normal thing. As a reasult of a long time recieving ignorance, they become discouraged and gradually give up making woth- appreciating creative productions. That's why some people claim that we should only let people with outsanding abilities make art.  
  
On the contrary, the major of society encourages the show-off abilities of everyone, for either ourselves or people around us. Such artistic work like making poem or composing song can be made just for fun and relaxation. Many reaserch have suggested that humans have a tendency to create art when they are at comfort or in need of satisfying friends and in fact, a lot of masterpieces have come from these moments. Obviously, there are handful benefits of freely giving the right for all of us to make artistic creations.  
  
In my opinion, I think that we all possess capcities to create great things because pratice make perfect. Not everyone is born with special abilities. Therefore, we have to allow the whole world to follow their dream in all fields, and art is not an exception.  
  
In conclusion, while there are some negative effects of freely giving permission for everyone to make artistic work, its merits still overwhelming all downsides.
Hi,  
  
There are a few typing mistakes in your writing, like "reasult" or "recieving". You should be more careful by reading your work once again.  
There are some problems with your word choices, making your essay difficult to understand. I think you were trying to put a lot of "academic" words into your essay, don't do it unless you are 100% sure.  
  
Your second paragraph confuses me, you said "art work of truely talented people can easily be blurred by other celebrities' creations" but at the end "That's why some people claim that we should only let people with outsanding abilities make art". I don't know talented people should or should not perform arts.  
  
Your third paragragh do not show exactly why ordinary people should create arts, it is simply your ideas.  
  
Hope this helps!
Your prompt paraphrase is incorrect as it does not properly reflect the original discussion presentation. Rather, it contains exaggerations that tend to change the original discussion slant. That makes the paraphrase unacceptable for the presentation. You also do not properly outline the discussion format for the essay. Your paraphrase should only present the following:  
  
Sentence 1: Restated topic  
Sentence 2: Public reason 1  
Sentence 3: Public reason 2  
Sentence 4: Implied personal opinion  
Sentence 5: Transition sentence (optional)  
  
In your presentation paragraphs for the public point of view, you cannot use first person pronouns in the discussion. Instead, opt to use gender free plural pronouns representative of group or collective opinions. The use of first person pronouns are not encouraged in the public discussion paragraphs because there is no personal opinion provided yet. You may use first person pronoun representations only in the personal opinion discussion paragraph.  
  
Your discussion reasons are notable, but not properly presented because you got confused when it came to the pronoun usage for the public opinion paragraphs. You actually show potential in this particular essay. You just have to learn to use the proper pronouns throughout the essay, depending upon the prompt requirements.