dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Nguyen, while you have some pretty good talking points in this essay, your discussions are not developed beyond that. That is because you focused solely on presenting only reasons for your belief without an actual defense or explanation of the basis of your belief. Thus making the essay little informative and less developed than it should be. You are not being scored on the number of reasons you can provide for your conviction, you are being scored on how well you can defend your reason using the English language instead. That is why your line of reasoning does not help to increase your C&C and GRA scores.  
  
Instead of just presenting a countdown of reasons for your discussion, choose your top 3 reasons and discuss these in strong independent paragraphs of no more than 3 using 3-5 sentences per paragraph. The format should be:  
  
1. Topic sentence  
2. Reasoning 1  
3. Explanation for reasoning (optional)  
4. Example to support the reasoning  
5. Transition sentence introducing the next paragraph topic in relation to this paragraph.  
  
Do this 3 times using 3 different reasons before presenting a proper summary conclusion and you will greatly increase your scoring potential in the overall consideration. Speaking of the summary conclusion. You cannot just say "I believe..." in such a short sentence. The concluding summary needs to restate the topic for discussion, summarize the topic points, then repeat your thesis statement in a closing sentence manner. Your current conclusion is so weak, it will definitely pull down you score.  
  
I would also like to point out that this is not an "extent" essay so you need not say "I completely disagree". There is no indication of the instruction requiring you to indicate a measure of (dis)approval so a simple "I disagree" would have been sufficient. You also lack 1 more sentence in order to meet the minimum 3 sentence per paragraph requirement as I explained above.  
  
Your LR score will also be lowered by the misuse of English terms. You used the term "unoccupied" to indicate a person who is not working. The correct term is "unemployed". Unoccupied means a person with nothing to do. Which is different from a person who does not have a job. You also cannot use the term "hobbies" as a synonym for the term "employment". The better term to use would have been "jobs".  
  
Due to your lack of expertise in vocabulary use, it would be best for you to, at this point, familiarize yourself with English words by reading and memorizing the English dictionary (if possible) and, in addition to that, you should also familiarize yourself with synonyms, words that can take the place of other words because they mean the same thing. If you can improve in these aspects of your writing, then there is a high probability that you just may pass this test.
## a good project for tourism is necessary

  
  
Tourism is an important industry in Taiwan. Upfrading facilities at popular tourist attractions, providing tourists benefit price and making two-win contact with other countries are good idea to fournish our tourism.  
  
Upgrading facilities, such as airport, public transport or accommodation condition, are good for foreigners to take an easy trip in Taiwan. Take airport for example, our airport is very poor in the past so government decide to upfrade airport to make travelers feeling good.  
  
Time is also an limitation for travelers. Thus, convenient transports and good traffic conditions are important to travelers and maintain travelers' interesting in travel.  
Providing benefit price for foreigners can stimulate the tourism. Because many travels don't have much money to buy expensive product, they just want to spend on necessary spend and don't want to spend on further expend. Therefore, making benefit promotion can do good on shopping.  
  
Making contacts with other countries are also good. By this way, it can produce two-win condition, such as increasing travelers from countries making contacts with us.  
  
Making good project for tourism is something need to be concerned deeply. As a result, it can cause positive or negative effect on people.
@Chong I am not sure what prompt you are responding to with this essay and if this is even an essay that was written for an English language exam. Your opening paragraph does not have a self-explanatory topic sentence at the start. Nor does it have a clear thesis statement that explains what you will be discussing in the body paragraphs of the essay. As such, the essay that you wrote does not seem to have a valid point to it.  
  
As a basic rule of thumb though, a paragraph, whether written for an academic paper or an English test needs to have no less than 3 sentences in it. That is because you are supposed to have a topic sentence at the start and then 2 sentences (at least) to explain what you mean by the topic sentence. You don't really do that uniformly in this essay.  
  
You also made the mistake of using the connecting word "an" when you should have used the word "a" instead. "A" for consonant starting words and "an" for vowel starting words. There is also a connecting word rule that dictates when "because" is used in a sentence. The term "because" is used to explain an existing idea within the same sentence. It basically connects 2 ideas in one sentence. Since there is no connecting statement preceding the use of the word "because" when used at the start of the sentence, this created a grammatically wrong sentence structure as there is no idea to connect to it within the sentence.
## **Speaking a second language will change your life.**

  
  
Speaking a second language fluently makes a significant change in your life. Firstly, speaking a second language with fluency gains you an extensive field of knowledge. Undoubtedly, when you do not understand the lessons, you can convey your idea to your professor. Besides, you can make a video call or have a face-to-face conversation with foreigners to share information. Secondly, it is clear that you will have a brilliant career when speaking like a native communicator. If a Mexican partner suddenly appears in your company, nobody but you can communicate with him, you will surely get a chance to climb the career ladder. For example, Jack Ma learnt English to change his life and he is a billionaire now. Thirdly, talking like a native speaker helps you have a new viewpoint to the world. You can make friends with foreigners, learn about other cultures, have trips to some countries which speak your second language without any hesistancy. In conclusion, it is needless to say that speaking a second language fluently makes your life better and brighter. Not only does it help you improve your knowledge, have a close relationship with foreigners but you also have a promising career.
1. In line one,be sure to answer what kind of knowledge you are referring to. Be specific!  
2. In line two, I have no idea what you're talking about. What lessons? What ideas? What is the connection between professor and language?  
3. The sentence following the the professor one in line two likely ties to it, but one cannot be too sure...  
4. In line three, when you refer to a Mexican partner, I suggest saying a Spanish speaker since it's more specific because a Mexican partner doesn't answer your prompt. And be sure to include *why* nobody can communicate with him.  
  
5. Line four, Who is Jack Ma? Explain who this is. Also, how did English change his life? Give a little context perhaps.  
6. Line five, when you refer to a new viewpoint, I suggest changing the keyword "have" into **understanding** a new bla bla...  
7. Line six, change the word "which" to that. Which sounds weird.  
8. Jumping back to line five, after "world" you could put a "**:**" <- whatever that's called, then put semi colons in place of each comma. Here, " Thirdly, talking like a native speaker helps you understand a new viewpoint to the world : You can make friends with foreigners; learn about other cultures; have trips to some countries which speak your second language without any hesitancy." Just makes it look fancier without going overboard :D.  
  
I'm not sure what your word limit is on your prompt, but if there is at least a 500 word limit, then I suggest separating this into paragraphs because each point you made could be explained more thoroughly so your reader has a full understanding.  
  
Overall, just be clear what you're talking about. As is, it looks like you're jumping all over the place.
## sacrifice for the sake of future generations

  
  
***Question: The key to solving environmental problems is for the present generation to sacrifice their convenient lifestyle for the sake of future generations. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?***  
  
The modern lifestyle presents to humans unprecedented convenience. There is an idea, however, that such convenience comes at the expense of the environment and our own descendants' benefits, and that therefore, it should be reduced or abandoned. Personally, I agree with this idea and this essay will clarify my view.  
  
Firstly, a large proportion of the daily convenience today's generation enjoys has detrimental impacts on the environment, and is easily replaceable. Taking for instance the use of air transport, it can be clearly seen that one airplane trip releases tons of carbon dioxide, many times more than a road journey over the same distance does. In many cases, the convenience of air travel prevails the interests of the environment, and travellers opt for an airplane trip instead of a 2-hour drive. The use of air-conditioning showcases a similar pattern: oftentimes the much more energy consuming air conditioners are chosen instead of fans that would be just as efficient in an acceptable temperature. These examples prove that in several circumstances, negative impacts to the environment can be avoided if only humans opt for a slightly less convenient way of living.  
  
Secondly, the sacrifice of modern convenience may lead to the reduction of industrial pollution, which is a major culprit to environmental problems. Industries whose products serve the modern life of humans, namely the energy industry, produce huge amounts of polluting gases and waste material everyday, and consume a large proportion of natural resources. These industries thrive on the demand of extravagant convenience of humans. Therefore, should such demand be reduced, then there is a high chance that harmful impacts of these industries on the environment will be minimized.  
  
In conclusion, the modern lifestyle encompasses several types of unnecessary convenience. Therefore, the interests of the environment and future generations could be served with changes in people's daily habits. Such changes, as a result, will also lead to the reduction of industrial impacts on the environment. (325 words)
## compare and contrast knowledge

  
  
Prompt: *compare and contrast knowledge gained from personal experience with knowledge gained from books or other printed material. In your opinion, which source is more important? Why?*  
  
There are two main types of obtaining knowledge: by real-life experiences and through printed materials. The different ways of learning generate no shortage debate about which one is better. In my individual opinion, it is more advantages to learn directly from experiences than books. I feel this way for two major reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.  
  
First of all, books are not always accurate and often contradict with what we experience from the real world. This is because a book can be written by unqualified authors and also contain their personal opinion or their biased eyes. My own experience in the US is a compelling example of this. Being a pre-immigrant to the US, I acknowledge that US citizens are not friendly and hard to have a conversation. When I moved to the US, my point-of-view change completely. Not only be generous, my neighbors are also kind and helpful. They help our family assimilate the new life and even teach us basic English statements to order food or buy groceries. Furthermore, we usually start our day with several sweet greeting.  
  
Secondly, real-life experience tends to stay with us longer than printed information. Books are shelved and forgotten about shortly after we read them. Once I had an assignment about growing a little green bean tree, I collected all information from different sources including books, Internets, articles. In spite of many efforts to follow all strict rule of growing this tree, my result was not good as what I expected. Fortunately, when I consult my grandfather, he taught me a valuable lesson which I encountered in several pages of a book is that overly water or fertilize might harm the growth of the tree. What I learned from my grandfather about techniques, methods, and skills are burned into my memory and I will never forget it. This is because I had a practical experience rather than temporary theoretical information.  
  
In conclusion, I strongly believe that knowledge gained from experience is more important than one from reading. This is because books are sometimes inaccurate, and we are predisposed to remember our personal memories longer.
Hi, I think you have a good sense of idea development, as best shown in the first paragraph of the body. However, in my own personal opinion, I think your essay sounds a bit subjective because of the example in the second paragraph of the body. It's just my idea but I suggest that if you already use an example from your own experience in the first point, then use objective reasoning instead in the second. It will make your essay appear more justified and well developed.  
  
Also you make a lot of grammatical mistakes in this essay, I suggest reviewing your grammar carefully in the process of writing and proofreading. Hope this is helpful.
In my *individual* opinion  
You can remove individual, Which is better, in my opinion.  
  
*it is more advantages*  
'There are more advantages' is correct.  
  
*change completely.*  
Changed.  
  
*Not only be generous, my neighbors are also kind and helpful.*  
You can rephrase this sentence but with additional information about your neighbors. You jumped from moving to US then describing your neighbors without any comparison to books.  
  
Though you have mentioned that books can be written by unqualified authors, you should have given an example about a certain book that may relate to you moving to the US.  
  
*teach us basic English statements*  
Maybe you can use common ways or phrases in ordering food and such.  
  
It is good that you wrote a personal experience about your grandfather, although you can correct your vocabulary or grammar better.  
  
I believe that this is how you should have presented your essay.  
  
B1: knowledge gained from books  
B2: knowledge gained from experiences  
B3: your personal opinion, which is experiences are better than books  
  
This is a contrast/compare essay, you should have written both views then your personal opinion.
Kim, this being a compare and contrast essay, the approach should have been coming first from a public approach and then a personal approach, as indicated by the personal opinion instruction at the end of the original prompt. You must learn to use the proper introduction sentences and ending transition sentences in your essay in order to properly represent a compare/contrast then personal opinion essay.  
  
Here are some samples of how you could have more properly approached the discussion of this essay:  
  
*Publicly, books teach us about the theoretical approach to... In comparison to this, personal experience gives better lessons because of life experiences.  
  
Life experiences, in contrast and based on public perception, is a better indicator of learning because... Hence my personal opinion that life is a better eye opener in terms of understanding practical and life lessons.  
  
Personally, I believe that personal experience is the better outlet for learning about certain information. I believe that it is the more important learning avenue based on my experience regarding planting a tree...  
  
This is why I can conclude this essay by saying that...*  
  
Don't count out your reasons, that does not help to increase your overall score. Rather, use transition signals in order to increase your final score for the discussion. In reality, what you wrote cannot be considered an appropriate compare and contrast essay because of the lack of proper signal phrases and transition words.
@mei987 your argument is flawed and incorrect as the US Supreme Court has already upheld the validity of same sex marriage across the participating states. It was upheld in a 5-4 decision that dictated that all 50 states must perform and recognize same sex unions. Therefore, the argument you are using is null and void already. What you should be doing in this case is arguing for the social acceptance of the legality of same sex marriage as there is still a social debate going on as to whether or not these couples should be seen as a regular married couple or not.  
  
I am not sure what your thesis statement for this essay is because you did not really make it clear in the development of your opening paragraph. By the way, the opening paragraph should never be opened by a quote from anyone in an argumentative essay. In this type of essay, the opening paragraph should lay out the foundation for your discussion by indicating your topic sentence, thesis statement, and presenting a discussion outline that will support your stand on the issue. Make it clear, what does your essay stand for and why should I believe you as a reader?  
  
Try to avoid using so many direct quotations in your essay. A well written argumentative, or any essay for that matter, does best when the writer simply paraphrases the statement and then provides an in-text citation for it. Showing the professor that you understand what you are writing about is more impressive than any number of direct citations you can present in your essay.
## the population distribution in the Northwest Region

  
  
Writing has never been my advantage, i appreciate any corrections and advices. Thank you so much.  
  
**The graph below shows the figures for population distribution in the Northwest Region for 1900-2050.**  
  
The bar chart provides information about the percentage of rural, suburban populations in the Northwest Region between 1990 and 2050.  
Overall, the percentage of the village-living populations decreased over the period, meanwhile it is anticipated that a great percentage of people will dwell in city areas in the future.  
  
In 1990, the majority of people lived in rural areas with 65%, compared with only 10% for suburban areas an 35% for urban areas. The following century witnessed a significant decrease in the percentage of rural populations, falling to 20% in 2000. The figure for suburban populations increased gradually and then remained stable at 20%. The proportion of people living in urban areas rose remarkably, hitting its highest point of 60% over the same period.  
  
Looking into the future, the percentage of suburban populations is estimated to experience a sharp growth to 55% in 2050. There will be thirty five out of one hundred people in this region living in urban areas, while only 10% of citizens are predicted to live in rural areas in the same year.  
  
*
Hai, let's start with your mistakes in using English terms. A century is equivalent to 100 years. 50 years is equivalent to half a century. Make sure you know the correct word usage before you use the term as the proper usage will increase your LR score while improper usage will tremendously decrease your LR score. If you are not sure of how to properly use a word, find an alternative for it. Since you are practicing for the test, use a dictionary to learn the meaning of the word before you use it. Memorize the meaning and use it when appropriate.  
  
The graph shows the years of 1900, 1950, 2000, and 2050 as a projection. These are separate half century considerations and should not have been termed as "between 1990 and 2050". Rather, only the inclusive dates indicated in the graph should have been specifically mentioned. That is because a Task 1 essay requires factual analysis of actual data presented from the essay. So when specific information is provided, it must always be represented in the analysis report.  
  
In your final paragraph, you mentioned:  
  
There will be thirty five out of one hundred people in this region ...  
Where did the figure for 35 out of 100 come from? There is no mention of this figure in the chart. Therefore, you are guessing and presenting information not based on the data you were provided with. This creates an inaccurate report and will affect your TA score. If the information is not clearly stated or implied in the chart, it should not be in your report either.  
  
There is a lacking comparative analysis of the identical information for the population of the suburban and urban area in 1900 and 2050. That is something that is not indicated in your report, but, as part of the analytical presentation, could have increased your score because that would create a thorough analytical report on your end. Minute details that may be overlooked, as indicated in the chart will always help your score. Making up the information won't.
## forests conservation for the survival of the human race

  
  
Needless to say, the forest play vital role in the existence of human race. However, more and more forests and areas of woodland are being destroyed as a consequence of exploiting natural resources indiscriminately and wood smuggling. Some people are of the opinion that it is the responsibility of governments and large companies to tackle this intricate matter. Personally, I strongly disagree with this point of view, as protecting the environment is the duty of all people living in this planet.  
  
To begin with, some people are of the opinion that governments and large companies play a certain part in forest protection. Only government can coordinate efforts among federal, state, and municipal governments, and civil organizations to stop deforestation on large scales. Without double, no one but government and large companies can have equipvalent power to fund reforestation and face dangerous loggers. A prime example is that governments can spend National budgets on reforestation and raising the public awareness of forest protection.The state can give knowledge of valuable forests in education to make people realize the benefits the woodland protection brings about  
  
On the other hand, it should be borne in mind that every single individual can helppreserve the environment just by doing very small things.The most obvious thing that we can do is to recycle things made from woods. By this we can help to reduce wood consumption. Paper is a good example of what I have just mentioned. Morever, it is undeniable that but for local attention to their existence namely the forests, no one could solve the deep rooted problems of deforestation. On top of that, local communities have an interest in protecting forest because they depend on the forest for their livelihood and therefore have a detailed knowledge of their enviroment. Hence, the role of individuals are crucial.  
  
All in all, the forest conservation is common responsibility. I firmly believe that every individual is responsible for the survival of the human race, not only the authorities. Therefore, all people need to take urgent action in order to save the planet.