dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The graph  
You did not complete the image identification. While this is a graph, it needs to refer to the specific type of graph as there are several types of graphs that can be referred to in a task 1 essay. In this instance, the complete image is known as a columnar graph, the other being a bar graph, and the last type, a line graph. Please familiarize yourself with the various image types due to its necessity in the accuracy consideration of your report.  
  
Missing from your summary overview is the type of measurement used, which is in the million tonnes. Otherwise, you presented a well summarized presentation of the important parts of the image. The overall report is acceptable enough. It shows a quick run-down of the information and comparison, but could have used a little more analytical reference to help increase the C+C score. Good job though. The essay will not get a failing score.
## Task 2 IELTS WRITTING: The internet

  
  
The internet has transformed the way information is shared and consumed, but it has also created problems that did not exist before. What are the most serious problems associated with the Internet and what solutions can you suggest?  
  
Answer:  
It is true that the digital revolution has fundamentally changed the way that people absorb and transfer information. This trend can have detrimental impacts on interpersonal communication skills and the cognitive growth of children , but measures can be taken by the government and parental controls to tackle this issue.  
  
To begin with, excessive dependence on Internet usage can exert adverse impacts on people's social life as it has diminished real-life communication between families, friends and relatives. With the advent of social platforms and an active world-wide-web connection, cyber citizens can get access to video conferences , emails and online chatroom which allow global connection without travelling. Consequently, they will be less interested in face-to-face conversations , even be gradually isolated from the society. Another problem anticipated with the over reliance on wireless connection is that it provides access to numerous inappropriate contents to its users, including children. As Internet give people a chance to easily have public voice and upload their own materials without being heavily censored before being posted, fraudulent information and negative thoughts are rife on Internet sites. As a result, many youngsters may be able to access to those dangerous sites which then will harmfully affects their psychological growth and academic performance.  
  
However, several viable solutions by the authorities and parents can be implemented to address the negative effects associated with the Internet. The first solution is that government can promote campaigns to raise students' awareness of the deleterious influences of using wireless network connection. These activities should be carried out in schools and universities by being incorporated extracurricular sessions related to computer training and Internet usage . Secondly, parents should consistently control the online activities of their kids. With the existence of cutting-edge technology, parents can monitor and restricts their children's access to certain sites by different computer program such as TeamViewer.  
  
In conclusion, while depending excessively on Internet can exert serios effects on individual social intercourse and the development of youngsters, these can be combated with youth education and contrainsts implemented by parents. This is a joint effort by both the government and individuals which can hopefully address this problem and avert a future crisis related to cyber world.
It is true that the digital revolution  
Since you are not being asked if the statement originally made is true or false, there is no need to swear by the validity of the statement. You can skip the "It is true" part and just go directly to the topic restatement. That is all that is required of the presentation anyway. Just 3 sentences covering:  
  
- The restated topic  
- the problems associated  
- Possible solutions related to the problem  
Such a discussion should not take more than 3 sentences to present your restatement + question responses. Do not add information to the discussion because it causes restatement falsities that could be deducted from your TA score.  
  
Good work in the discussion presentation paragraphs. These are highly connected and valid reasoning points. The main problem that you now face relates to the conclusion. You have incorrectly spelled words that affect the clarity of the sentences:  
  
contrainsts  
= constraints  
  
Additionally, parents cannot be referred to as  
  
individuals  
. Rather, you may refer to them as parentage or paternities. Individuals basically means people, and people, do not really care about how the internet affects children, unless they are the parents of the children.
## the robotic technologies impact on jobs

  
  
In recent years, the robotic machine has increasingly replaced people in jobs. In my opinion, although this change has disadvantages for the average worker, I am convinced that there are much more benefits compared with drawbacks.  
  
In terms of the negative sides of using robots for jobs, This trend may cause disadvantages for workers. With the development of modern technology, It is a common fact that many industries replaced employees with automatic machines, which enhances their efficiency. Thus, the number of farmers and factory workers has constantly decreased. As a result, many families have to struggle to make ends meet. Take Fooxbot as an example, Foxconn, a famous company, installed 10,000 Foxbot robots and is expected to add 30,000 more of them each year, which means that a lot of workers will lose their jobs because robots have replaced their jobs.  
  
However, this development brings far more positive effects on humans. Firstly, robots are a huge benefit to medical. Artificial intelligence helps us make better diagnoses and may reduce the risk at surgeon performs. For example, With robotic surgery, doctors can minimize surgical procedures to be done with more precision and accuracy. Secondly, robots reduce the workload of humans. In other words, the machine is capable of performing intensive human labor and backbreaking tasks. Furthermore, the intelligent assistants will do tedious tasks such as answering email, which allows us to do more interpersonal and creative aspects of work. For instance, one private hypermarket installed an automated billing system on the counter which is working 24/7 hours.  
  
In conclusion, though the dominance of robotic technologies has shortcomings, it still gives humans great assistance in some important aspects like health care and works.
While there is a strength in the way that you restated the prompt topic and you gave an acceptable opinion in the first paragraph, you were not able to properly defend your point of view in the reasoning paragraphs. You have to understand, the examiner expects you to use logic and reasoning when discussing the A v. D essay. That means, in one paragraph, you need to clearly present a disadvantage reason, but turn around the reasoning for that and explain why it is an advantage instead. That means, the format for this essay should be:  
  
Sentence 1: Disadvantage presentation  
Sentence 2: Reason for disadvantage  
Sentence 3: Counter argument transitin ( Reason it is an advantage)  
Sentence 4: Example that proves your point  
Sentence 5: Supporting explanation  
  
I have seen that the examiners score the students better in the A v. D essay when they use the aforementioned written debate format in their reasoning paragraphs. They tend to deliver higher scores when the exam taker uses this format due to the strength of the coherence and cohesiveness presentation. The examiner can better assess your logic and English grammar skills when using this debate comparison format in 2 paragraphs.
## your favorite music

  
  
A nineteenth-century poet once noted that "Music is the universal language of mankind". Throughout the high and low notes of human history, this has undoubtedly been true for me. According to various studies and reports, music can really change our tune. So in this speech, we're gonna have a more direct look at music and its influence on reality through a particular song.  
  
As an introverted girl from Generation Z, I am into music that is delicate and smooth while still being trendy and modern. I discovered that the pop ballad was an ideal suit for me. One of my favorite tracks recently is "First Man," which was performed by Camila Cabello. The titular figure of the song is actually an allusion to her father, for he is "the first man that really loved" her. The storyline of the song reads like the singer was about to spend her first night staying with her lover. And this has her dad worried. So she spends an amount of time trying to ease his worry about the relationship she was in. And this is an emotional moment for both her and her dad.  
  
The song's lyrics effectively convey the father's care for his daughter. Even though the daughter is on the verge of becoming mature, the father still looks out for her, even if it's the simplest. The only man who is always willing to sacrifice for us unconditionally is our father. I have read somewhere that "A father's tears and fears are unseen, his love is not directly expressed, but his care and protection remain as a pillar of strength throughout our lives." Yet, because of this, we tend to forget this silent affection. We are just concerned with our phones, friends, current entertaining events, etc. The distance gap between us and our father becomes bigger and bigger. As a result, I believe we should show our father more love, gratitude, and care in our daily actions: ask if he is tired after work,... We are typically able to say "love" directly to our partner, but we are embarrassed to do so with our parents, particularly our father. However, you know what even just a simple direct love-showed word from us can also sound like music to them. Last year, I participated in a personal development course that included a final activity in which I had to express my love to my father directly. He cried somewhat when I simply said "I love you" to him; it was the first time I had seen his tears. That partly shows how happy our father will be to hear such words from us. Hence, just start doing it; it may seem awkward at first, but it will become a wonderful habit over time.  
  
All things considered, daddies do not just love their children every now and then, it's a love without end. Hence, we should be appreciative and thankful that we still have the opportunity to show love back to dad. If we want to be helpful, make a significant contribution to society. Be sympathetic and beholden to our parents first.
A nineteenth-century poet once noted  
In order for this quotation to be effective in your speech, you need to provide the actual name of the person you are citing. Otherwise, this is just an empty quote that will not catch the ear of the listener. A speech needs to open with an effective hook. Using your own words, through your personal experience or considerations for the speech topic would have been more effective. Since you are falling on your own interpretation of these words within the opening spiel, then maybe, you do not need to use this quote?  
  
we're gonna  
This is a formal speech. No room for English slang here. Use the complete words. You want to show your listeners and your teacher that you can use grammatically correct and, academically acceptable English.  
  
recently  
There is no need to refer to a time frame in this case. You can just go directly to mentioning the song since it is a current pop favorite. Gear your words towards the age of your audience. A time reference needs to be used only if you are talking to people who are say, the age of your parents or older, who may not be familiar with the singer.  
  
etc  
Another informal word reference. You need to remember that you are writing mainly for a grade here. Your teacher will be looking for proper use of English words and references. No short cuts or quick references can be allowed in this case.
## IELTS Academic Task 2 Writing

  
  
Hello, I am a new user and I have just finished writing a short piece of IELTS composition. I hope to have this work checked and to receive valuable feedback. Here is the topic:  
  
***In some cultures, in some cultures children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this message?***  
  
My answer:  
In many parts of the world, youth are encouraged that if they do their best, they can be successful and gain anything as expected. Although it has some benefits to give children this message, there are also many drawbacks.  
  
On the one hand, it is clear that telling children that they can achieve anything if they are industrious would bring about several advantages. One evident strength is that it would give children motivation to do their best. In other words, it brings them the reason to be more industrious thus to make every effort in their study and reach their goals. Another reason is that it would help children raise their awareness about planning for their success. It means they should envisage steps to prepare for the future. For example, it is vital to schedule learning time and practice a lot if a student wants to have flying colors in their exam.  
  
On the other hand, there are some obvious disadvantages that would arise if the children believe in what the adults say about making an effort to succeed. First, the children can be negatively obsessed about failure. It means that they might be disappointed because of their failure and it makes them depressed. Doing a test would be a good example, if the exam result doesn't meet their expectation, it can dampen children's enthusiasm in learning. It causes children to not want to try hard anymore in their studies. Secondly, young people may not develop their cognitive skills. It means they will ignore such skills like critical thinking, problem solving and they lack creativity in finding a good method to study and work effectively. Learning English is another good example for this, young people may keep learning a list of every English vocabulary multiple times with the hope they will remember those words well, while they can find other better ways such as using flashcards or making sentences to comprehend those words.  
  
In conclusion, there are many positive things about telling children that they can achieve anything if they are industrious regarding giving them motivation and helping them to plan for things. However, it could be negative in terms of disappointment and stress and the lack of non-linear thinking of young people in study and work.
The writer has displayed a well developed sense of logic and reasoning in the presentation. The prompt was clearly understood and restated. The discussion instruction was well addressed and the writer avoided the common mistake of giving a personal opinion in a simple advantage v. disadvantage essay.  
  
As for the reasoning paragraphs, the first reason provided was sound, but did not connect well enough with the second reason provided. Rather than using the transition word "Another", the sentences should have used a transition bridge to connect the two reasons instead. The reference "This motivation will help children.." would have been a better connector between the two reasons. The 2 reasons should always highlight the connection between two otherwise seperate reasons to highlight the ability of a writer to coherently discuss a topic using cohesive sentences.  
  
When using numerical ordinals, use these in the correct form. Do not combine numerical reference formats as this creates a grammatical error for the writer (Firstly, secondly, thirdly as opposed to first, second, third). The second reasoning paragraph was better explained and connected in the presentation. Very minimal errors exist in the paragraph.  
  
The conclusion is just as well developed as the prompt paraphrase at the start. The writer shows the potential to score highly in an actual test provided more practice essays are completed in various writing formats.
*Prompt:*  
## *"Prevention is better than cure."*

  
**Researching and treating diseases is too costly so it would be better to invest in preventive measures.  
To what extent do you agree?**  
  
In the current climate where our health is seemingly on the line, both preventive measures and finding possible cures are equally important. I agree to a certain extent that preventive measures are important and should be enforced to everyone to minimize the possibility of getting sick, however, I also believe that investing in finding the proper cure is just as important.  
  
Proper preventive measures also stem from extensive research through understanding how the diseases and viruses work and whether they will regenerate into something worse in the future. With the COVID-19 pandemic on the rise, vaccines are one of the best preventive measures for it, but in developing those vaccines, a lot of resources were needed; perhaps, as much resources it would need to find a cure.  
  
From my friends and family's experiences, terminal diseases such as cancer are difficult to detect and prevent. Some of my cancer-ridden friends and family don't even know they had it until the symptoms were felt. It is difficult to prevent something you didn't know you had, especially when diseases like cancer don't really care whether you exercise every day or drink alcohol every night. Because of this, it is just as important to invest in finding cures for diseases, especially when they are undetectable by the naked eye.  
  
In the end, governments and health organizations should invest in both preventive measures and finding cures for diseases. Viruses and diseases will continually evolve, as they should. It is our job to continuously be alert to prevent them, but when the front lines of prevention have been infiltrated, our healthcare system should still be adept in providing the proper cure.
I agree to a certain extent that  
Right thought, wrong idea presentation. The more accurate presentation would have been; "I agree TO the extent that..." since you are representing a degree of agreement. The idea is to present the end of your agreement with the topic. There is no need to represent the reason for your disagreement since you are asked for the measure of your agreement or disagreement. Pick one of the two discussion choices to represent in the essay. This is still a single opinion essay rather than a comparative discussion.  
  
however, I also believe that investing in finding the proper cure is just as important.  
You are not being asked to present a solution to a perceived problem in the discussion instruction so this sentence is a total waste of word count and discussion space. It will not receive a score and instead, will lower your TA score due to a change in your discussion slant from the original.  
  
Try to focus on only aspect of the discussion. Since you already agreed that the prevention is more important, then focus on that discussion alone. Do not contradict yourself in the discussion by agreeing with both sides. It is either you agree the cure is more important or the research is more important. Either agree or disagree. Create a clear opinion for yourself of risk being scored based on the lack of a clear, one sided opinion.
***Some people say that economic growth is the only way to end hunger and poverty, while others say that economic growth is damaging the environment so it must be stopped.***  
  
## Discuss both views and give your opinion.

  
  
It is believed by countless people that developing the economy is the sole solution to hunger and poverty whereas sceptics argue that it would cause serious consequence to the ecosystem. In my opinion, economic growth contains both benefits and drawbacks.  
  
On the one hand, national economy has an unchangeable role in guaranteeing people's living standards. Comparing to multiple factors which could possibly deal with poverty and hunger including educational quality or accessibility to healthcare, a developed economy clearly does better in tackling practical and serious problems. For example, various issues which create poverty, like labor redundancy or low average wage could not be completely solved with education. In addition, economic growth would stimulate agricultural production as well as other sectors in the country to work effectively as government and companies have more money to operate, thus directly eliminate poverty and hunger.  
  
On the other hand, it is impossible to protect the environment while managing economic activities. To develop the economy, a nation would primarily rely on industry which is also the main cause for numerous kinds of pollution, namely water impurity and air contamination. In fact, the global greenhouse gas emissions from industrial processes reported to increase annually for more than a century without any signs of declining considerably rise the concerns in a lot of countries. Furthermore, despite the presence of modern waste treatment technologies, many companies do not have a proper treatment for waste since the expense for new technologies are generally expensive. Actually, it is not until immoral companies releasing harmful substance into nature are brought to light that people publicly know.  
  
In conclusion, I strongly believed that economic growth is the only way to get rid of poverty and hunger, however, economic activities must observe the regulation for environment and restriction in order to minimize negative impact on the planet.
Kindly remember that you have to create a strong and convincing personal opinion. This needs to be based upon rational and believable discussion points in a fully developed, stand-alone paragraph. The conclusion is used only to restate the previous discussion. When you state your personal opinion in the conclusion, you create an open-ended essay that could very well result in a failing score. Why is it a failing score? There is no summary recap as required by the summary conclusion. As the name of that paragraph indicates, it is a summary, not a personal opinion or reasoning paragraph.  
  
If you wish to create a better debate for this essay, use the compare and contrast format for the reasoning presentations. That means, you will accomplish 2 things in 2 reasoning paragraphs:  
  
- Prove why an advantage is a disadvantage  
- Explain why an advantage is a disadvantage  
  
The basis of the explanations will be your understanding of the public opinion, using both the third person and first person pronouns for clarity of presentation.  
  
You did a very good job in the restatement + personal opinion. You also provided general discussion points that would have been improved by the proper use of third person pronouns in the paragraphs to differentiate it from your personal opinion. The main error in this presentation is the discussion of, or lack thereof, of the personal opinion in the conclusion. Remember, do not use the conclusion for your personal opinion as this does not create a true closing summary for your discussion. It does not matter if you state "In conclusion" because the examiner will read the paragraph and immediately identify it as a non-conclusion and score it accordingly. The best way to avoid that problem is to merge your personal opinions with the public discussion points in a proper manner.