dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Technology makes our daily lives easier in many ways

  
  
Nowadays when technology develops day by day, it makes our daily lives easier in many ways. So how has technology improved our daily lives?  
First of all, technology has changed our lives by increasing the speed of time. We just need an internet-connected smartphone, we can searching for information or following the news are very quickly. In the past, the letter takes 10 days to a destination such as money order, but technology advances changed that now we can send an email. we can take a money order from our smartphone. The benefit of technology advances is that it is fast, easy.  
  
Besides, technology has changed the ways of education and work. In the past, we just studying at the school and working in the company, but today technology there are online school and work. Anyone can be studying and working online by using the internet and computers. We can face-to-face meeting on social networking sites such as Facebook or Twitter. This is how technology changed education and word, in my opinion, it is a positive change.  
  
On the other hand, we can see that the hospital takes care of people through technology. We have a machine to report the health of the patient. We have severed to save the information of the patient. This is how technology has changed our health, I think it makes everything easier.  
  
In conclusion, there are many benefits by technology advances, imagine lives haven't technology, our life is very difficult. Technology has changed everything and it having improved our daily lives.
The format you followed for this writing isn't one of a Task 2 essay. Did you write this as a simple English essay writing exercise? I need to know what type of essay you are writing so that i can give you relevant formatting and content advice. Without it, I can only check the grammar issues of your paper. Kindly provide that next time. Thanks.  
  
Verb form after the helping verb is incorrect:  
- ... we can searching for information - ... we can search for...  
  
Incorrect verb phrase:  
... and it having improved - and has improved our ...  
  
Comma requirement:  
Technology has changed everything and - ... everything , and  
  
These are but some of the errors that I found in your paper. There are more but I would have to rewrite your whole essay to correct it all.
## INTERNET USERS AS PERCENTAGE OF POPULATION

  
  
*Hi everyone, I am new to this forum. This is my first post. Thank you in advance for all your helpful advices.*  
  
The graph compares the percentage of people using the Internet among the USA, Canada and Mexico in the period from 1999 to 2009.  
It is clear that the proportion of the Internet users increased in all three countries but there was fewer users in Mexico than in the other two countries.  
  
In 1999, the highest percentage of Internet use was in the USA, with about 20%. Meanwhile, the proportions of people using the Internet in Canada and Mexico were lower, at around 10% and 5% respectively. Until 2002, the number of users was the same in both the USA and Canada, with just under 50%. And after that, Canada overtook the USA to become the country with highest percentage of Internet users.  
  
In 2009, the number of users in Canada almost reached 100%. The percentage of Mexicans using the Internet was still the lowest, with approximately 40% and the proportion of USA Internet users was about 80%.  
  
(158 words)  
  
*
You have an acceptable presentation. All the facts are there and the essay can be considered informative for something written in 20 minutes. That said, there are still several points you should consider improving on to increase your scoring potential.  
  
For the summary overview, you would have scored better if you had used 4 sentences indicating:  
- Topic  
- Countries listed  
- Method of measurement  
- Trending statement  
  
Since the sentence requirement is 3-5 per paragraph, covering 3 paragraphs, you should focus on making sure that you increase your presentation length, sticking with the suggested format and word requirement, to help increase your overall score.  
  
In 2001, there was an intersecting population of users for Canada and the USA. Such a comparison point would be highly useful in proving your advanced writing skills and your ability to truly analyze a given image for pertinent information. This is a simple addition to your work but it would have helped with your TA score in a tremendous manner.  
  
You cannot start a sentence with "and" which is is a conjunction used to coordinate related words, sentences, or clauses in a sentence presentation. It cannot be used after a period. However, it can be used before a period, after a comma that will indicate a pause between two related sentences.  
  
While formatting errors exist in your essay, the thought process and presentation remains clear to the reader. The errors are not so bad that the reader cannot understand your work. The presentation uses simple sentence presentations which helped with the clarity of your work. You might want to try for more complex sentence presentations in the future, with additional punctuation mark usage.
## Which environmental problems are the most serious?

  
  
In today's world, there are variety of environmental problems. Some of them argue that the main problems of our time is the loss of particular spices of plants and animals, while others sat that there are more important environmental problems, and in this essay, I'll discuss both views and offer my own opinion.  
  
In fact, there are a lot of environmental problems. The most common of them is the global warming this time, when they are happening more often and devastating more serious. Take the North of Vietnam for example, in Hanoi, the temperature is surprisingly high, and it had never seen in the past 10 years. It's affecting the capital's citizen a lot, which block them from getting out of their home comfortably. In fact, it's is also the matter of economy, when the land is lack of water, the crop is worse, the profit is lost and even losses.  
  
However, I believe that the loss of the species of plants and animals are the major problems. Take the red tail fox for the example, it's the top of the circle of food. If the fox are extinct, the amount of animals which eat grass for food will raise, leading to the lost of variety of plants. If the plants are disappeared, the home for most of birds and others insect will lost, so they will also be extinct. As we can see, it's not the matter of the loss in the amount of any species, it's the effect of the food chain, which will change other species and even human.  
  
In my opinion, the loss of particular species are the main environmental problems of our time.
There are several environmental prompts for the Task 2 test. Without a specific reference to the correct prompt, I cannot review your essay for accuracy and other considerations. Kindly remember to provide that the next time you post an essay for review here. What I can provide you with at this point, is a general review of your work.  
  
Singular - Plural Issues:  
If the fox (singular) are (plural) extinct - If the fox (singular) is (singular) extinct  
  
Word Choice Errors:  
... leading to the lost of... - leading to the loss of...  
  
Incorrect use of similar words that are used differently:  
... the amount of animals... - the number of animals...  
  
Contractions are never used in academic writing:  
It's - It is  
  
These are the most score affecting errors in your presentation. There are also grammatical issues in your presentation but you should focus on learning more about the errors related to grammar rules first.
## movie theaters - needed or not?

  
  
**Some people say that now we can see films on our phones and tablets and there is no need to go the Cinema. Others say that to be fully enjoyed, films needs to be seen in a cinema. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.**  
  
There are some different opinions among people as to it is necessary to go to a movie theater to enjoy the film. As nowadays we can easily watch movies on our electronic device at home, I personally believe that there is no need to travel to cinema to watching movies.  
  
It is understandable why some people think it is essential to go to a movie theater. The main reason is that movie theaters offer great sound effect and big screen which you hardly accessed to in our home. With high quality of sound and screen, you can easily immersed in the vibe of the film. For example, when you watching action movie like Kung Fu, those high technology machines and sound systems around you makes you feel like you are in the movie and makes you feel more thrilling. Moreover, the latest movies only released in cinema, if you want to watch the same movie at home, you might need to wait like over two months after it out of theaters.  
  
Despite the arguments mentioned above, I believe that there are more enjoyable if you watch movies at home. Firstly, you have more options when you look up films online. If you have a membership of Netflix, you can easily watch any genre of movies as you like while movie theaters only offer limited options. Secondly, home is always more private and cleaner than public space. With where you used to, you can be more relax and less distractions when you enjoy films. Finally, the choice of not go to the cinema will be a money saver, which means you feel less pressure with this entertainment.  
  
In conclusion, although some people opine that it is essential to go to a movie theater because they can enjoy the newest movie with better services, I believe that it is no necessary to travel to cinema and pay for watching. Enjoy the film you interested in your comfortable own place will be more economic and fun.
You may want to reconsider your word count for the Task 2 essay. As you are required to proof read and clean up your presentation, you should scale back your writing. Producing a discusussion covering 275-290 words will suffice. If your English language writing skills are good, you should be able to clearly explain everything within 3-5 sentences. You don't need to over discuss. Rather, you should provide a target discussion per reasoning paragraph starting with your topic sentence.  
  
This is a 3 paragraph essay. 2 of which should be based on an explanation of a public opinion based on the reference in the original prompt to "some people" and "others". Those terms represent a public point of view that requires individual paragraph discussions based on the related reasons. Your personal opinion comes after and should be based upon support for one of the two public points of view. You are not to present a personal opinion immediately This is the basic format for this discussion. There is a more advanced way of writing it but I believe you are not yet ready to use that format at this point. So I will not suggest it.  
  
Do not use too many reasons in your paragraphs. One or two connected discussion points will suffice. At this point, your essay has an over presentation of reasons. Reasons that are not fully explained and developed in each paragraph. Simply delivering reasons, without proper explanations and examples, does not create a clear and coherent presentation on your part.
Topic :  
***Some people think that when recruiting, companies should aim to take on people who are innovative and able to work independently while others considered they should recruit people who are able to work in a team and follow instructions.***  
  
## Discuss both views and give your opinion.

  
  
While some recruiters prefer people with an innovation and independence work style, the others believe that candidates who have cooperation and instruction-compliance skills will be the ones that needed to expedite the growth of the firm. From my perspective, both creativity and teamwork-ability are the top factors for every recruiter to consider when recruiting.  
  
At first, it is reasonable for why open-minded and self-reliant people are so preferable as they are capable of thinking outside the box and coming up with an unexpected but amazing ideal, which will help the firm compete against other rivals. While most of the products these days are commercialized for the sake of profit and look almost the same through many brands, a merchandise with unique distinctions will absolutely intrigue buyers. Iphone X, for instance, has created a huge fever in the mobile phone market at the time of its launch thanks to a brand-new, unique and amazing feature: face ID.  
  
On the other hand, for the development of the company, joint work and joint effort are vital. It is not hard to realize that every success is made possible by team-working. A person with a great mind can come up with a dreamy fascinating ideal, but a team is the real ones who will make that dream come true. In many enterprises, the tasks are shared all among the employees, and only with proper coordination and less ego conflicts, the works are finished in an effective way within the deadline. Understanding the role of teamwork, a lot of companies hold activities to help bond the employees. A factory named NDL in south Vietnam, for example, has a monthly event with many team-building games for all of their staff.  
  
In conclusion, as innovation and cooperation are equally signìicant for the business to achieve success, candidates should have both of these factors. It is suggested that the nature of work will also decide which factor that the recruiters want more from their applicants.
## multinational conglomerates selling power

  
  
Topic :Large businesses have big budgets for marketing and promotion and as a result, people gravitate towards buying their products. What problems does this cause? What could be done to encourage people to buy local products?  
  
Many conglomerates and big companies try to manipulate the market by spending a tremendous amount of money on marketing and promoting to encourage people to buy their merchandise. As a result, this leaves very little chance for local products can reach to the customers. More investment and advertising campaigns should be spent on gaining popularity for these underrated commodities.  
  
A severe problem caused by the dominance of economic giants is the gradual disappearance of small businesses. To begin with, as a huge budget is used for advertising, products of large companies appear with dense frequency in front of consumers on every means of media such as televisions, websites, newspapers, or magazines. This leads to a predictable outcome that buyers will tend to choose their goods because of the feeling that widely known items will ensure much more secure than a local product with an unfamiliar origin. Consequently, without customers, small enterprises encounter various challenges and obstacles, especially the problem of profit. In order to survive in a competitive world, they must find a way to fight with these multinational groups. As this was never easy, many of them have come to failure and go out of business. Even when local entrepreneurs maintain their preservance, their companies still have to face up to the reality of manpower shortage when workers are hardly dedicated to a job of low salary. In many Vietnamese traditional craft villages, for instance, most of the artisans are from the older generation, meanwhile, 90% of the youth from these villages drop off to find a better career in big companies.  
  
In an attempt to stop these disappearances, actions should be done to cheer people to buy local products. Firstly, local businessmen should be assisted with funds. Within an adequate financial support, they will be able to do marketing and expand the market. Furthermore, local traders should be trained on how to brand and make a clear strategy. They should also know how to show their advantage as their products are way more unique and suitable for local inhabitants than commercialized merchandise from big corps at a maximum level in their advertisements to appeal to customers and improve the quality of goods to ensure their customers want to come back. Fairs can also be held to promote their product and make their own special charm.  
  
In conclusion, due to the fact that well-funded companies and multinational conglomerates harm the local businesses with a huge budget for advertisements, small and medium-sized enterprises should be provided financial support and other help to compete against these giants and attract more customers . It is suggested that the improvement and growth of local businesses will raise the local economy.
First of all, issue with sentence structure.  
Intro: "... products ~~can reach~~ to **reach** the customers. "  
  
Para 1: "widely known items will ensure much ..." - you can say they form their trust through extensive adverts and get into the subconscious mind of people.  
  
"... many of them have come to failure" - have become a failure  
  
Para 2: please put an example.you can talk about how internet is assisting such local companies to get their own space. You can also talk about e commerce space where they can market their products at cheap price.  
  
Overall its good.
You are over estimating your writing skills. The advisable number of words to write for this task is 275-290 words. You see, there is such a thing as over explanation. When you try to explain too much, you end up creating forced errors within your writing that could be avoided by simply writing well, using less words and focusing on the editing and perfecting of the presentation. A long essay, though impressive in terms of typing skill, does not do much for you in a test that requires analysis and clear explanations.  
  
Your paragraphs should only be composed of :  
- 1 paraphrase + response  
- 2 reasoning paragraphs  
- 1 concluding summary of the previous discussion topic sentences  
  
While you did a good job in responding to the question, your explanation is a bit too cluttered for the examiner. You just need to present 3-5 sentences that clearly explains your point through:  
  
- A topic sentence  
- A reason for your topic sentence  
- An example to support the reason  
- An additional supporting sentence  
  
That is all you need to score well. Clarity will help you score higher as that is one the scoring requirements. Word length isn't part of the scoring considerations. Good work in the discussion but, like I said, you have a few forced errors that could have been spotted if had focused on cleaning up the presentation instead.  
  
Spelling:  
preservance - perseverance  
  
Clarity - Simple words work best in certain instances. Sometimes, simple words can help with your LR + C&C score far better than complicated / advanced words.  
  
... should be assisted with funds... - should be helped with..  
... small enterprises encounter various... - ... enterprises meet...  
Even when local entrepreneurs maintain their perseverance - ... entrepreneurs persevere...
## Number of people who cycled in 2011

  
  
Age group female / male  
0-9/ 51,3 l 50,3  
10-17/ 42,2 l 24,6  
18-39/ 17,1 l 9,7  
40-59/ 12,3 l 8,0  
60+ 18,5 l 13,2  
  
My essay:  
The table describes the proportion of the population by age groups in one town who cycled in 2011  
Overall, it is clear that people in age group 0-9 make up the highest percentage in both genders. By contrast, males and females in the age group 40-59 account for the least percentage.  
  
The figures for the age 0-9 are the highest, which accounts for over half of all people. However, the percentage between the age of 10-17 is decreased to 42,2% of females and 24,6% of males.  
  
For the next age group 18-39, the proportion of both genders continues to dropped from 42,2% to 17,1% of women compared with 9,7% of men. In 40-59, the percentage of people who cycled is lowest with 12,3% and 8,1% of women and men respectively.  
  
At the age 60+, the proportion is rose significantly reaching 18,5% for women compared with around 13% for men
We cannot properly review your essay because there is no image attached to it. I cannot review your work for data presentation requirements and other data requirements. You did not include instructions for the discussion, which makes it more difficult to review your work. Due to the lack of instructions, I can only do a general review of your presentation.  
  
Your essay is one word under the word count. That means, you will receive a penalty for that single missing word. Always aim to write between 175-190 words. That will allow you to increase your scoring potential while avoiding making too many presentation errors that can affect your individual scoring sections, resulting in a lower overall score.  
  
Try to write clear sentences by using appropriate punctuation marks, in the following presentation, you need to place a comma between the words male and female. While it clears the topic of the presentation, it also helps to add to your GRA scoring consideration.  
  
- By contrast, males , and females in the group...  
  
As this essay stands, it cannot get a passing score. Not a 5 or anywhere near it due to other sentence structure errors, of which there are too many to post in this response.
## can children decide about different aspects of life?

  
  
Topic: Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes, and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them.  
  
We live in an age when many children can decide what to do about aspects of life. Some people believe that children's decision may lead to a selfish character in their thinking. There is more persuasive that is important to let children choose matters impacting children.  
  
On the one hand, parents allowing children to make their own choice many times can create bad habits. This is due to the fact that children are not able to have consciously appropriate decisions for themselves as a childish age. Moreover, children still have enough soft skills to make a good decision. For example, children tend to choose what they want. About food, kids usually like to eat sweet food, thus, generally, they will not eat any kind of food, except the sweet one.  
  
On the other hand, when children are under parent's observation and control, they can find out the advantages and disadvantages of their decisions. Therefore, in children's thinking, not only appear an awareness of choosing matters but also generate many great personalities. According to experts, children grow up their mind better when they learn valuable lessons when they do something wrong or even good. Let's take on the example of this regard, in western, parents would teach children admitting mistakes rather than rejecting one. As a result, children become responsible for their decision.  
  
In conclusion, giving children accurate instructions can make a good future generation. Parents should be a children's close friend, who can understand and help them be more mature.  
  
(252 words)  
please, give me a score and feedback.