dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Nur, you need to learn how to improve your overview statements. These are the opening statements that should offer a clear paraphrasing of the prompt, discussion topics, and the order of discussion within the paragraphs of the essay. Once you accurately develop a strong opening statement, you will immediately gain a chance to receive a higher score in the reading and comprehension area of the scoring requirements. This overview is not as strong as it can be even though there is a very clear method of presentation that could have allowed you to earn the higher score.  
  
The second paragraph also fails to properly impress the examiner because you summarized key points of the discussion into one, over informative and yet still under developed paragraph. Try to limit yourself to only one topic per paragraph or related topics per paragraph. Discuss the materials first, then the water pumping procedure in the next paragraph.  
  
Overall, the essay can probably earn a score of 5 due to the lack of information analysis on your part.
Hi @Holt  
Thanks for your regular and constructing feedbacks  
  
This overview is not as strong as it can be even though there is a very clear method of presentation that could have allowed you to earn the higher score.  
could you give me those suggestion details?  
  
Discuss the materials first, then the water pumping procedure in the next paragraph  
Is it okay to explain the materials only in one body paragraph like this?  
  
First of all, to transfer (...) solar power from sunlight.  
or how if i may write at less than three sentences?
I will not repeat the suggestion details anymore because I already explained it in the previous thread observation that I posted. It is in the earlier part of the first paragraph discussion. We are not allowed to repeat information in the threads so you have to read it again. Doing so will also help you to develop your analytical reading skills, which will come in handy when you do your next practice test. Yes you can discuss just the materials needed in one paragraph. That is because the diagram clearly explains how each material is used and as such, the use of the material can be included in the paragraph. This creates a strong basis for the pumping procedure in your essay discussion. I will not write any more examples for you. I have explained enough of the problems with your essay. Showing you how to write this essay properly, after it has been scored will be useless. Just do better in your next practice test by applying the advice you were given for this exercise.
**Men do most of the high-level jobs. Should the government encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women?  
  
Use your own knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.**  
  
## Different jobs for both gender

  
  
With the rising of women's consciousness, there are more and more people advocate gender parity. Especially in work place, men dominate the more high positions than women do currently. I believe the government should protect a certain quota of the high-level jobs for women.  
  
The first reason is, obviously, men and women are definitely different in physical aspects. Thus, when it comes to the job regarding physical factor, for example, cement porter, women tend to show the less abilities than men do. Besides labor conditions, there is no reason for women to reach the same achievement as men do.  
  
The next reason I am on the position of supporting the government reserve the jobs for women is that it can stimulate the diversities. Because of sexual stereotype, the public often think women are emotional and cannot think as logical as men do. In my opinion, that argument is quite unfair since men are equal mad and exaggerated. Hence, women can use this kind of personality adequately, thinking in more considerate and detailed ways. Particularly for the higher positions, they usually need to manager people. I suppose that having more gender can boost more spark in career.  
  
Having said that, the opposite people argue that the behavior of limiting the certain percentage for specific gender is ironically against the parity itself. However, the history proofs that women had been treated as second people for a long time. Compare to men, women got the working right after World War two, which was less than a hundred year to now. Therefore, I strongly support that ensuring the women working right is the right path toward a equal society.  
  
To conclude, it seems reasonably clear that the government should be encouraged to make a growth of high position quantity for women.
Arlen, in your opening statement, you strongly support the idea that positions should be reserved for women. However, you run a counter argument to that in the next paragraph. Rather than contradicting yourself, that paragraph should have instead, indicated that there is a difference between men and women, but that the difference does not lessen the capacity of a woman to succeed in a male field or work. The rest of your reasoning aligns itself properly with the prompt requirements and shows that you are capable of defending your stance, even if it is in a limited English writing capacity. While there are mistakes in your sentence development, it does not distract too much from your sentiment in the essay. So the essay has some pretty good points that can gain it a score of 5 overall. The low score stems from the situation that paragraph 2 created for your essay.
Hello, I am currently preparing to take the CLEP English Comp with essay exam. Please evaluate the following essay; generally, I feel better about my grammar than I do about the structure of my arguments.  
  
I don't have a clear sense of what the standards are for scoring essays and would greatly appreciate some feedback regarding how well this essay would score, as well as any suggestions for improvement. Thank you in advance.  
  
**Prompt: Agree or disagree with the following statement: "there are no challenges so difficult, no goals so impossible, as the ones we set for ourselves."**  
  
## people set their own goals

  
  
I disagree with the statement that "there are no challenges so difficult, no goals so impossible, as the ones we set for ourselves." From my own observations and understanding of people, I have learned that many people use self-made goals to challenge themselves to improve and to accomplish their ambitions, and that these goals are often those that the person believes they can achieve. I set many goals for myself, but I only set goals that I believe I can accomplish. I believe that when setting goals, it is important to require hard work of ourselves and to stretch ourselves to achieve real accomplishments. However, I think it is also true that the repeated setting of unrealistic goals that are repeatedly left unachieved often results in discouragement for the person making the goals.  
  
Throughout history many people, such as Abraham Lincoln, have set challenging goals for themselves and through their hard work, have achieved their ambitions. Achievable goals are not those that require no work, but those that require work that could reasonably be accomplished. People do not tend to set impossible goals, or those they believe are impossible.  
  
In many cases, the most difficult goals to accomplish are actually those set for us by others. Many people are pushed to succeed in different activities, in which they may not be interested or at which they may not excel. When people set their own goals, they are motivated by their own desire to achieve excellence and they are encouraged by their belief that with enough hard work, they can accomplish their dreams.  
  
However, people can be motivated by others who believe in them. Teachers, parents, friends, and relatives can motivate people they know to accomplish by encouraging them to achieve their full potential. Potential for improvement that we do not recognize can be recognized by others. This can benefit someone greatly. However, the person must set themselves to the task and determine to actually achieve something. The life of Dr. Carson illustrates this well. His mother pushed him to achieve more than was being expected of him or than he expected of himself. Eventually he became motivated and he ended up achieving great things that he might not have otherwise achieved.  
  
I have found many of these things to be true in my own experience as well. I would say that there are no goals as motivating as the ones we set for ourselves. When someone really desires to achieve something, they are not easily defeated.
M, with the highest possible score for this essay being a 6, I would have to say that your work is around a 4. I based my score of your reading on the varied and sometimes confusing method of discussion that you took to approach the prompt requirement. You said that you disagree with the statement and yet, throughout the essay, you make conflicting references to your stance in the paper. Statements such as the following:  
  
*However, I think it is also true that the repeated setting of unrealistic goals that are repeatedly left unachieved often results in discouragement for the person making the goals.*  
  
reflect that instead of discussing one point of view, as the prompt requires, you have chosen to discuss both points of view instead. A thorough reading of your essay will prove that point. It is in your best interest, meaning you will get a higher score if you stick to the instructions of the prompt. In this case, had you not referred to the other stance for the discussion in your essay, you could very well have scored a 6 in the presentation. Your reasons, where applicable, were actually very strong and offered points that the reader could relate to in a real world level. So, it was just a slight mishap with the discussion format that pulled back your essay score from my point of view.
**The pie charts below show the online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.  
  
*Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant*.**  
  
## Sales numbers comparison

  
  
The two pie charts compare how four types of retails have been sold online in New Zealand (measured in percentage) in 2003 and 2013. Overall, it is clearly that considerably customers ordered for trip online. However, the position was overtaken by selling of digital sound and digital image later.  
  
At first glance, in 2003, numerous people highly booked for traveling through e-commerce and only a few of online shopping purchaser bought clothes on the internet. Selling through online trip agency saw 36 percent in New Zealand, which was 12% smaller than clothing sales. A decade later, those items decreased slightly in which clothes were almost three times larger of declining numbers of journey ticket selling at less than a third.  
  
On the other hand, entertainment witnessed popular selling in 2013. Film or music was highly sold in which its selling was mentioned as the biggest inclined from 2003 to ten years later by 11 percent. This doubled of book selling percentage at more than a fifth at the end of the period recording. (173 words)  
  
*
Nur, while it is good that you have learned how to remove the mechanical representation of information in your summary essay by using comparison sentences, it is still important that you use the actual percentage data in the essay. This will prove to be supporting evidence to your paraphrased representation of the figures involved. It also allows you to double check your claims regarding information you are presenting in a different manner from the figures. However, your descriptions regarding the figures origins do not tally with the original figures. You made assumptions of facts that was not indicated in the essay such as online booking for ticket sales, online shopping and other similar claims when the pie chart notes do not indicate such a description. This partially removes the validity of the information you are providing and as such, would earn this essay a score of 4.
## studying english makes me happy

  
  
Hi, my name is Quoc, i am studying english at Vietnam University of Agriculture, so i can speak 2 languages, but my english skill is not fluent. Studying english bring to me very much happy and very much exciting. I really love it. If i take C1 degree in the future, I can sutudy abroad, that is my best dream. Especialy, i learn with amazing friends, my english class is called english A2, that class is very funny. Athough I start learning English from beginer, but with my friends and my teachers I do not have much nervous to pass B1+ degree. After 5 months i feel much better than old. I am confident to speak English and do grammar exercise. However, i have a few problem with my second language it is about speaking skill, grammar and listening skill. Grammar is very wide and a lot of details. It ishardest skill for me. That problem stil can solve because i have 11 weeks to prove those skills. I promise myself " keep calm and after few years i could study abroad".
Quoc, the instruction is asking you to talk about your favorite language, not your favorite language class. There is a difference. English is a language that you enjoy speaking while English class is a method of learning the language. There lies the difference and mistake in your discussion. When you talk about your favorite language, you have to explain why you like this language. The explanation can include, an interest in English culture and society. a favorite singer or type of music such as rap, R&B, or something similar. These are reasons why English can be considered your favorite language. What you presented are reasons why English is your favorite class. Which is not what this discussion is all about.  
  
Speaking of English class, did you notice that you did not follow the English grammar rules regarding sentence structuring? There are no capitalized letters at the beginning of your sentences, a direct violation of the English writing rules. Be conscious of these simple errors as these show a total disregard and respect for the grammar rules of the language.
@doanquoc  
Be careful with your spelling and grammar errors as they are found a lot in your writing here. Also, focus on the question. Talk about your favorite language. How do you learn it and with who? For how long? What are the challenges in learning it? What do you feel when you are be able to speak in it? Why do you want to master it? Try to formulate 5w1h questions about your favorite language, say in this case English, and you'll find a way to put them in your writing.
Hi,  
  
First of all, I think that will be much formal to write some number in English. For example, I can speak two languages. Of course, not all the number should follow that, only the simple one, please describe in English.  
  
Next, as a foreign like me, don't really understand the learning level in your school, which means, the class level you mentioned in article let me feel confused. I think it will help if you can take some description to explain what it is.  
  
And a good paragraph can help the reader understand your words quickly. Try to make a clear paragraph next time!  
  
Hope it helps!
**Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?**  
  
## railways vs roads - which deserve a bigger priority?

  
  
It is sometimes argued that governments should charge on railways instead of roads. Personally, I completely agree with this idea.  
On the one hand, taking a train as transportation can both reduce congestion and make people healthier. Commuters who drive cars to their workplaces are often get stuck in the rush hours due to too many cars driven to their destinations at the same time. However, taking public transportation, such as train, can not only save much money, but also prevent people from being late. Furthermore, the amount of CO2 produced by train is obviously less than by cars. This will reduce air pollution and keep residents stronger and healthier. Governments and local councils should focus on railways with financial supports to encourage more people to take.  
  
On the other hand, most people can not live without roads, especially the residents living in the mountains or rural areas. They completely depend on roads to connect downtowns or rural areas that provide them with enough food and groceries. If governments don't fix or build roads anymore, people will have hard time meeting their basic needs. To take Taiwan as an example, roads are very easy to be damaged by typhoons, and the fixation must be done as soon as possible to avoid people lack of food and help. Government should regularly spend enough money on roads, or there will be a great impact on people.  
  
In conclusion, it seems to me that the benefits of spending money on railways are more significant than on roads.
@Paige Hi here are some suggestions you may wish you use.  
  
Personally, I completely agree with this idea. => although the question asks if you agree or disagree, it is generally not a good idea to use the word "personally". It is not advisable to say you "completely agree" as well. You need to show that you have considered the opposing arguments too which I see that you have. In this case, you should definitely not use completely agree. I would change it to something like: I agree with this statement to a great extent for several reasons. Firstly, ...  
  
taking a train as transportation can both reduce congestion and make people healthier. => deal with one point at a time. These are both your arguments so separating them would be clearer.  
  
most people can not live without roads => this is too colloquial. write something like roads are essential to the daily lives of people. This is especially true for those living...  
  
If governments don't fix or build roads anymore => do not use short-hand in essays as they are too informal. Use "do not" instead of "don't".  
  
To take Taiwan as an example => For example in Taiwan, roads are very easily damaged...  
  
In conclusion, it seems to me that the benefits ... => your conclusion should be a short recap and summary of your main arguments. eg. In conclusion, spending on railways decrease congestion and improve health and these benefits greatly outweight...  
  
another point, you have stated a counter argument for spending on roads but**you have not rebutted it**. If you agree with railways then you need to show that roads are necessary but not as important as railways.
Qi, you could have done a better job with your paraphrasing in the opening statement by dividing the single line presentation in the original prompt into 2 sentences. Then followed it up by your agreement of the discussion, without beginning a discussion at that point. the first statement should never be more than an overview of the forthcoming discussion.  
  
The second paragraph could have compared the expenses of the government between the road and railway in terms of practicality and usability to the public. It is in the second statement where you should have opened the discussion with the term "Personally..." because this is a personal opinion essay that need not discuss the basis of the original prompt.  
  
Your conclusion is another problematic part of the essay because it is a single sentence. In order to properly write a conclusion, you must accurately develop a concluding statement based upon the existing information in the essay you created. Wrap it up with a similar summary to the opening statement and you would have written more than 254 words with an increased possible score. This way though, I think the essay can only score a 5 due to the indicated problems regarding how you addressed the task and formatted your response.
Hi,  
  
firstly, I don't think your word count is enough since task two need at least 250 words. My suggestion is that you should extend your body paragraph with different supporting view.  
  
Next, It is fine to use the opposite view to highlight your opinion, however, it is better to avoid using the same conjunction word -- on the other hand. You can use "on the contrary" or "in contrast" to show the different view.  
  
I think the conclusion is good, which is quite clear and rephrase your statement again.  
  
hope it helps!
Henry, I tend to get confused by the format of your essay. Is this a research paper or a response to an English exam prompt? There are instances when it delivers the feel of an exam essay, then there are times when it passes itself off as a research paper. As a research paper, you have a number of formatting problems. To begin with, you have to place a space between a period and the next word because that signifies a break in the writing process which aids in the understanding of your written work. Then I have a major concern regarding the in-text citations. It doesn't seem to be done in the correct manner. I understand that you are using online sources but there is still a particular format you have to use in presenting the citations within the text, paraphrasing of the information from the original source, and presentation of the title of the source material. Do you know which particular writing format you are supposed to use? Make sure that your citation style suits the required format. The conclusion is very well developed. However, it has the feel of an English exam statement again, instead of a research paper. Please set me straight on which type of paper this essay is supposed to be. By the way, an essay is different from a research paper. What you wrote is a research paper so change the reference from "this essay" to "this research paper". That is, if you writing a research paper and not responding to an English exam prompt response. If you are referring to an English exam prompt, then there are more mistakes than I thought in this paper. Simply because of the change in writing format and content necessity. I can tell you about those if you tell me that this is a prompt response and not a research paper.
Henry, your essay shows that you were given a topic to write about which is of huge importance or interest to you. This can be seen through the thorough research you made in relation to your discussion and defense of your personal opinions regarding body image concepts as promoted by the media. I cannot fault your discussion on the basis of reason, but your grammar development can use some work. There are some instances when the term you used may apply but not be appropriate for the use in the sentence. Not to worry though, it still made the statement understandable. Your English skills are good in terms of the written word. you have managed to get your points across to the reader even as you sometimes struggle with your presentation. Overall, this is a pretty good attempt at English writing. One word of advice though, if you are not writing a research paper and you are just aiming to practice your English writing, there is no need for you to cite sources and other research paper related elements. Just write in a straightforward and personal manner so that you can actively practice your first person writing skills.