dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hans Rosling, as a TED speaker and a lecturer for undergraduate students in Sweden, focus on global development in the world. In the beginning, he illustrates about movement of human population in the world since 1962 which horizontal axis represents as fertility rate (birth per woman), vertical axis represents life expectancy at birth and the circle represents as every country in the world. The result is industrial countries represent small family and long life, while developing countries had big family and relatively short life. As the time goes on, almost all of the countries in the world was moved to left corner in top side. It means that families in the world now have to be represented as family which small family and high long life. In the second graph, he shows that strong connection between child survival rates with DGDP per capita. For instance, Arab States consist of many countries with the same religion, same climate, same culture but huge differences in GDP per capita. Even though they are neighbour, Yemen is the lowest GDP per capita in Arab states and United Arab Emirates had the highest GDP per capita.
hallo dioba.. here my suggestion toward your essay  
  
... the circle represents ~~as~~ every country in the world. *The result is industrial countries represent (...), while developing countries had big family ...*  
  
**I am sorry first to mark this sentence because i found something odd in my mind. First, in your previous sentence you said that the speaker illustrates some symbols then you told about the result. I still can not understand what result did you mean and why you use 2 differents language of times there.**  
  
... represented as family which **A**small family ...  
Even though, (COMMA) they are neighbour, ...  
  
good luck!
**The table below gives information about changes in modes of travel in England between 1985 and 2000**  
  
A breakdown of the information about changes in the way people travel in England is depicted in the table. It is measured in miles between 1985 and 2000. Overall, most people prefered to ride a car than other transportation. Furthermore, it can be seen that there was a significant increase in total average distance that had been reached over a fifteen-year period.  
  
Initially, car was the most popular private vehicles amidst walking and riding bicycle. The distance was roughly 4800 miles in 2000. It was totally differs from bicycle which had the tiniest number of distance at only 51 in 1995 and 41 in 2000 while the figure for walking had five times larger than it.  
  
On the contrary, public transportation was predominated by local bus in 1985 and train in 2000. In addition, apart from local bus, four other modes of travel experienced to grow in the number of average distance. Other transportation reached the largest gap in the rising distance by approximately 135 from 450 in 1985 while taxi inclined slightly by 29 to 42 in 2000. (179)  
  
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Hi Miss Septidara.  
  
I am gonna try to review your writing.  
  
there was a significant increase  
*You should avoid use "significant increase" (Change language) because there were only two years. It is usually used for the graph. It is better if you bring that in the reality fact clearly.*  
  
The distance was roughly 4800 miles in 2000  
*I have got the meaning of that description. It seems vague data. Ba careful of describing the vague data because it can make your score fall down. The examiner will reckon you display the data inappropriately.*  
  
public transportation was predominated by local bus in 1985 and train in 2000  
*You try reading this. It actually did not have the meaningful information. You should check again what you write to make sure what you write is in your mind.  
  
THE PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION TENDING TO BE USED BY CITIZENS IS LOCAL BUS IN THOSE TWO YEARS.  
  
Actually, your grouping is not enough interesting. There were a large number of attractive trends which you explore to get the high score. Besides that, you should prioritize to bring or transfer the data to the real meaning so that what you described seemed the useful information  
  
Keep writing  
GOOD LUCK*
***India's grand plan to create world's longest river set to go***  
  
India plan to make the massive connection river in the world which never made before. This river connection is estimated that it will have twice distance of nil river which is trough 30 vast river and about 3000 dam. However, this construction bring about drawback that it will threaten livelihoods and endanger wildlife based on research of geologist and ecologist in India during constructing this project, it will destroy the ecosystem.  
  
On the other hand, scientists in India have found about clime change during these days, and it make drought in some areas in India. Furthermore, water shifting in main dam in India has decreased by the time, eventhough it is followed by increasing water supply in other dam. this condition is predicted to always continue until uncertain time.
Hello Pram, let me give my correction for you  
  
India ~~plan~~plans to make (India is singular noun, use singular verb too)  
  
about 3000 ~~dam~~dams(because plural noun)  
  
it ~~make~~makes drought ("it" is singular verb, so use singular verb too)  
  
~~eventhough~~even though  
  
... increasing water supply in ~~other~~another dam  
  
thank you
hi pram. here are my suggestions for you  
  
India ~~plan~~ to make the massive connection ...  
*An invention of massive connection in river has been planned in India*  
  
However, this construction ~~bring~~**brings**~~about~~**a** drawback  
  
... in India have found ~~about~~**that**~~clime~~**climate** change  
  
and it ~~make~~**makes** drought in some areas in India.  
  
increasing water supply in other ~~dam~~ dams
***Modern technology is changing our world. This has advantages such as bringing people closer together through communication. It also has disadvantages such as destroying the differences between cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?***  
  
These days, technology in the worldwide is developing significantly. This occurrence leads several changes in our planet. It brings numerous pros and cons for all people, like can create better way for communication in the advantage, even though has drawback such as demolishing cultural distinct. In my opinion, I completely agree if albeit there are some negative effects, but the utilization of technology is really needed by many people to fulfill their daily need.  
  
To begin with, we already know that long distance looks like is disappearing since the invention of the mobile phone, even some social media applications. It totally proves that our devices are successfully for creating closely relationship between our friends and family through intensive communication. For instance, when my parents went to Mecca eleven years ago, the newest discovery of video call made us constantly to keep contact every day, and moreover, it made both of us feeling safe and convenient.  
  
Meanwhile, there are some arguments that is mentioned that large number of the differences between culture is broken as a result of overusing technology. In fact, it is actually wrong, because by using the power of that modern tools, it can be easy for us to instantly spread it just in seconds. Furthermore, people are able to share each other about their local culture, dance, and some landmarks in their hometown just by uploading it into Facebook or Instagram. So, contrasting people's view that is mentioned before, technology has immense effect for spreading it around the world.  
  
In conclusion, although some people are afraid that the usage of technology can disturb the differences between cultures, it does not matter since we can consume in an appropriate way. It is because the great relation between people can be built with solely talk via our screen.
**Modern technology is changing our world. This has advantages such as bringing people closer together through communication. It also has disadvantages such as destroying the differences between cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?**  
  
Technological advances have brought our life to become easier and simpler, particularly in communication that these improvements make us getting closer to everyone. However, its drawback is able to destroy the differences between communities. This essay disagrees with the notion since declining people's basic ability to socialize with each other and helping to prevent destruction of cultures.  
  
To begin with, an enormous of people highlights the positive impact that modern technology might bring a convenient way to make communication, especially abroad, is undemanding. However, as far as I concerned that this way does not involve the same interaction likewise with human beings. It is evidence that decreasing people's proficiency to speak and listen is getting worse, and it may continue to grow for forthcoming decades as predicted by Mark Gilbert, a psychologist from Cambridge University. He estimates that 23% of young people will be difficult to state their personal opinion due to less social skills, and it leads into less confident as a consequent.  
  
On the other hand, deliberating about destroying of differences between communities, I opine that this serve can be avoided since technology is able to prevent different cultures by keep promoting it on several websites. For example, Indonesia rely on technological development to share its beliefs, traditions, and customs through accessing the internet. As a result, a large number of people around the worlds are able to grasp its cultures without physically visit in Indonesia.  
  
In conclusion, I would totally disagree that technology brings advantage for our communication as it reduces our fundamental skills. However, modern technology can contribute to share our latest activity in terms of our unique cultures towards foreign people on the website. (279)
This essay disagrees with the notion since declining people's basic ability to socialize ... .  
  
Hi Sept, If I'm not mistaken, your essay mention if you disagree with the idea but your reason give negative example (it declines people's basic ability to socialize), whereas a converse appears to be true in positive example (to prevent destruction of cultures). well, I would recommend you to give all of dire effects as an example to strengthen your idea in your essay :)..  
  
A heap of luck :)
The Squamellaria fruit plant is used growing media of the ant, Philidris Nagasau who enter in seeds of the fruit plant and eat flesh also collect the seeds for future farming. Not only the fertiliser is main feature of the growing of the plant, but also it dependent on the ant, so they can symbiotic relationship which it can be the history of the Fijian ant-plant interactions that when the plants developed roots that could grow in bark and the ants lost their ability to build nests and at the same time as finally this signals the beginning of the mutual relationship. Moreover, the ants also have smart ability to cultivate the fungi recently. The stagger teamwork of ants comes from their skill to develop such sophisticated food production  
  
Source : New Scientist
Hello,  
  
Philidris Nagasau who enterS in seeds of the fruit plant and eatS flesh (comma here) also collectS the seeds ...  
  
Not only the fertiliser is main feature of ...  
  
It should be》》fertilizer is not only the main fetire of the growing..., but it also DEPEND on...  
  
the ant, so they can BE symbiotic relationship (...) interactions ~~that~~ when the plants (...) at the same time ~~as~~~~finally~~ this signals BEGAN~~the beginning of~~ the mutual relationship.  
  
... to cultivate the fungi ~~recently~~ .  
  
Hope those help you  
  
Gluck^^~
**Polar species spotted in the deep seas of the Mediterranean**  
  
Within left behind area of under water in Mediterrania, there live unique species of fish. This sort of fish is undetected before owing to their location. Furthermore, this fish is indicated as pole fish, and no one knows why it can come here. Some scientists think, maybe, it is because in this area is minim biodiversity that make less of rival who live here, so this sort of fish can find their food easily. Researchers also say that pole species actually just can be found in the deeper area than Mediterania. This uncommon activity of this species draw the researcher to find out more about that. Besides, scientists who dive and conduct their research in this area have found species of fish which look like whiles that actually just can be found in Lantern.
Hello Pram, let me give my correction for you  
  
Within left behind ~~area of under water~~underwater are in Mediterrania  
  
biodiversity that ~~make~~makes less of (the subject "biodiversity" is singular subject", so you use singular verb too)  
  
This uncommon activity of this species ~~draw~~draws(the subject in this sentence is "uncommon activity" which is singular subject, and after the preposition "of" is object)  
  
look like ~~whiles~~(did you mean "whales"?)  
  
thank you
**The diagrams show a structure that is used to generate electricity from wave power.**  
  
A comparison of how different directions of sea wave are able to harness energy for a power plant. It can be seen that, either wave direction away from or close to sea wall, both of them release same amount of energy by using same systems and tools, such as turbine, column, and chamber.  
  
Look at the detail, for generating electricity from wave power, it only need three main equipments, there are turbine, column, and the last is chamber. When the wave comes to the chamber and near to the cliff, it will push the air go through the column. At the same time, the turbine will spin owing to the pressure. Rotating process will release energy that called electricity.  
  
On the other hand, when the ripple moves far from the sea wall, the air will pull into the column by the up side. With the same process, the air through the column makes the turbine spinning and goes out to the sea. Even though, it has reversible direction, the great deal of energy which is released almost equal.  
  
*   
*The diagrams show a structure that is used to generate electricity from wave power*
Hi nuraini, these are my thought towards your essay  
  
A **comparison** of how different directions ...  
i think it is not a comparison, but the two process of generating electricity by the air  
  
It can be seen that, either wave direction away from or close to sea wall, **both of them release same amount of energy** by using same systems and tools, such as turbine, column, and chamber.  
i think the graphs not mention the amount of energy  
[ it can be seen that, either wave direction away from or close to sea wall, the air will generate electricity through the machine which consists of column, turbine, and chamber ]  
  
Look at the detail, ~~for generating~~ electricity from wave power, it only need three main ~~**equipments**~~ , there are turbine,...  
- TO GENERATE  
  
- equipment is UNCOUNTABLE NOUN  
  
thank you
**The diagrams show a structure that is used to generate electricity from wave power.**  
  
The process of electric generation from the sea wave is shown in the graphs which the "A" graph inform the process when the waves come to the chamber and "B" graph present when the wave leaves the chamber. Overall, it can be seen that the air is forced by the direction of wave and rotates the turbine to produce electricity.  
  
First of all, this machine is placed beside cliff or sea wall, which consists of the chamber used for catching the sea wave, the turbine for generating electricity, and the column for air ventilation.  
  
The process started when the wave goes to the chamber. Then, the air is gone by the wave to the top of the column and the air rotates the turbine in the clockwise direction. The power is produced as the result of the generating-electricity process by the turbine. Furthermore, when the wave leaves the chamber, the turbine is rotated with the same direction by the air coming from upper column to the chamber, producing electricity that can power up a lamp.  
  
(175 Words)  
  
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Hi ivan, these are my thought towards your essay  
  
... generation from **the sea wave** is shown in the graphs (...) waves come to **the**a chamber and "B" ...  
[ firstly, i think it is not 'the process of electric generation from the sea wave' , but 'the process of electric generation from the air forced by sea-wave' . ][ the process of electric generation from the air forced by sea-wave is show in the graphs which inform the process when the waves come in and out the chamber for A and B graph respectively. overall, it can be seen that the air is forced by the direction of wave, rotating the turbine to generate electricity]  
  
... machine is placed **beside**at the edge of the cliff or sea wall,...  
  
(i think you need linking word here) The process **is** started when the wave ~~goes~~roll in to the chamber.  
[ i think 'go' is not the right collocation for 'wave' ]  
  
... in the clockwise direction. [ as the wave come to the chamber, it moves the air which fill the chamber to the top of the column, rotating the turbine in the clockwise direction]  
  
The power is then produced as the result of ...  
... by the air coming from the upper column to the chamber,...  
  
Thank you
Hello everyone!I am Bonnie,currently preparing for TOEFL.  
I wrote a essay about this topic.The original prompt should be:  
  
***Some young adults want independence as soon as possible.Other young adults prrefer living with their parents for a longer time.Which of these situations do you think is better.Use specific pionts and examples to support your opinion.***  
  
Can anyone help me to refine and polish it,if you are willing to.I would be very appreciated for you help！  
  
No one can live with their parents forever. Parents will ultimately get old and some day will leave us. When that time comes, after all, we have to live independently. However, there are some young adults prefer to live with parents for a longer time. As an exponent of living independently, I disagree with that perception for the following reasons.  
  
Firstly, only when we live alone can we grow up as a full man. Living with parents provides young adults a great convenient in every aspects of life with support of money, food and clothes etc. With these readily assistance from parents, young adults are prone to be too dependent on their parents to develop the ability of taking care of themselves when no one is beside them. Taking myself as an example, I had been living with my parents until I was a high school student. I was a spoiled child who could not help with herself chores. The experience of living in the school dormitory plays a significant role in my life, which taught me to be independent and how to deal with chores and problems by myself.  
  
Secondly, it is the natural law that young adults leave their parents' shelter and live alone. The earlier they live alone, the faster they get accustomed to the way of living in a real world. When the time matures, it is beneficial to young adults to live on their own. Because they are still young, their adaptation ability is still strong enough for them to be used to the new way of living quickly. If they start to live alone later, it will be more tough for them to adjust themselves into independent mode.  
  
Broadly speaking, living independently can accelerate the comprehensive development of becoming a full man, while the opposite way of living can't. Besides it is the way that human society evolving for years, which can't be broke by anyone.
hai baihui  
I have some advice for you  
hope it helps  
  
Parents will be ultimately get old ...  
  
When that time comes, ~~after all,~~ we have ...  
  
a great convenient in every aspects  
every aspect because it is singular  
  
**with the support of money, food, and clothes <<< do not forget using comma**  
  
with **this** readily assistance from parents  
  
**develop the ability to take care of them**  
  
**which cannot be broken by anyone**  
  
thanks
**\*\* If i want get 7 plus band ...what to do in this writing.\*\***  
  
A breakdown of the changes in lakeside between 2000 and 2009 is revealed in the two diagrams. Overall, it is noticeable that the number of accommodation became reduced by new development, while industrial areas saw a expansion over the period. Meanwhile, the lake was changed into the pond.  
  
In 2000, north-west part was more developed than south-east. More accommodation, ware house, art center and school were there, while only manufacturing complex and some housing areas were in south-east. There was a river that mainly divided the two parts of the region; she also created a lake to the south.  
  
During the period, Office, university and shopping center were constructed by the reduction of housing in north-west. Derelict ware house and art center was replaced with car park and the cinema respectively in 2009. In contrast, industrial compound expand by replacing the precedence in south-east part between 2000 and 2009. Over the time the whole of the region was changed with new development.  
  
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hellooo Syda. it is my suggestion. hopefully it can help you ((:  
  
More accommodation, ware house, art center and school were there,(i think you should avoid to mention 4 data at same time because it look like listing) while only ...  
  
... two parts of the region;**she**(who is the subject? where do you know that it is created by women? avoid to mention subject in writing task 1) also created a lake ...
**Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child's development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion.**  
  
Giving the education for children are divided into two perspectives. Some people think that home-schooling is the best method for children's development while others believe that children are necessary to go to school. I personally believe that both of the ways can give the advantages to children but in different point of aspects. In general, children who are taught at home become more independent, and usually solve the problem by themselves whereas children at school take the advantages through the teamwork and leadership skills which they will obtain there.  
  
Children who study at school have to socialise with other students. Through communities at school, children can learn about team building, and how to create leadership skills. According to research in Educational System Department in Indonesia, 88 percent of children at school have joined the communities which have been provided by every school in that country. As a result,most people gave learned about socialisation and commitment in the team. Indirectly, community gives many skills which can obtain the children to learn about soft skill in life such as organisation skills.  
  
On the other hand, children who are taught personally at home feel the different way of advantages. They will gain self-development which will help them in every critical situation. Based on the psychological research towards home-schooling students, when they are put in the empty room aloe with many cases in line with the academic matters, they can survive without looking other's help. it proved that home-schooling is the best way to create the individualism and confidential system in their personality.  
  
All in all, teaching children at home or school has advantages in each method. I firmly believe that children at school are good at social skills while home-schooling students gain the best way of independent personality