dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations

  
  
Nowadays, there is an argument that whether wealthy countries should share their wealth to poorer countries or the poor ones should have to take care of their citizens by themselves. In my opinion, I would argue that in somewhat, rich nations should express their responsibilities to the world by sharing their helps to the poor nations; however, the poor nations also have the main responsibilities to develop their nations by themselves.  
  
On the one hand, I agree with the argument that rich countries should help other countries by providing such things as food or education. The fact is that there are a large number of countries are still really poor. The people does not have basic living condition, even more does not have enough clean water or food as well. Living in a global and regional integration period, rich nations, rich people should not stand alone without sharing with them. Through international aid packages or charitable activities, wealth nations might help the poor nations, poor people to lift out poverty. For instance, after the Vietnam war, vietnam is one of the poorest country in South East Asia, however thanks to international aid packages as well as the rich nations' helps, nowadays, Vietnam is becoming a developing country, the citizens have a good life and enjoy the life.  
  
On the other hand, I would argue that poor countries should take care of themselves first. Firstly, the governments voted by their citizens are representation of the country and paid by the citizens' taxes. Therefore, the governments not others have to have main responsibilities for their citizens. Secondly, the fact is that, there is no country that helps other does not ask any incentives from the host country. For example, wealth nations might help other by investing heavy into the poor country through opening big companies. They might generate a large number of job opportunities for local people, however, they also might lead to over-exploiting of resources, or environment pollution that their later generations have to face in the future.  
  
In conclusion, I would like to argue that rich nations should share their strength with others, besides, poor nations also need to look after their citizen themselves.
@hungxd08  
Hi. Here's my feedback on this essay.  
  
Be straightforward. When we take a glance at your first paragraph's introductory sentence, what hits me immediately is the fact that it's too lengthy for what you're trying to say. You could have just said that *there are debates on wealth distribution* and left it at that. Notice how packaging of words is crucial because it can make or break your writing. Even more so, in cases wherein you work within word counts, it becomes even more imperative to ensure that you are not wasteful in your language.  
  
The conclusion is lacking primarily due to that fact. When you're so focused and centered on a specific idea, you will have a tendency to forget the rest of the writing that's also equally as important as those other parts. Try to keep all your paragraphs balanced and do not treat one part more important than the other as they are all equally looked at when evaluating the write-up.
@shahabs1992  
Welcome to the forum! I hope that my feedback gives you an idea on how to improve your writing.  
  
There's a very thin line between creative and excessive when it comes to writing. More often than not, you are sacrificing clarity when you're being excessive. This is something that I have observed from your essay. For instance, while the first paragraph is indubitably well-written because you articulated beautifully, this essay isn't necessarily a literary text (prose/poem). In that regard, you have to be extra cautious as you may risk being overlooked rather than being paid attention to.  
  
When introducing concepts, simplifying it would be the most reliable way to go. Especially when you're introducing newer concepts that are integral for the core message of your content, you definitely need to focus more on the meaning than how you are writing it. If we take a look at the second paragraph, for instance, it was clear that your explanation of who an artist is still appears to be confusing due to the articulation.  
  
Bear all of these opinions in mind next time you are writing.
## speaking freely online

  
  
Technology has tremendously changed human's lives in the 21th century. Especially Internet has been increasingly playing an important role in our daily lives. It has brought us lots of benefits but also created some serious problems as well.  
  
Nowadays, it is common to post photographs, feelings, and thoughts on social media. We can talk with different people all over the world immediately through the Internet. Moreover, people can get latest news and information in online world. But that cause some serious problems, such as--- fake news.  
  
More and more people are aware of fake news and fake information is increasing online nowadays. It is hard to distinguish fake or true unless we verify it harder. In this information explosion generation, people wouldn't have the patience to figure it out. Most of the people would just read it and absorb the news and slide the page away. Under this circumstance, this gives some people a chance, a chance that they can spread and create fake news, fake information or animosity comments clandestinely in the online world.  
  
On the Internet, people can talk whatever they want, so lots of people tend to wear masks online and hide their reality identities. These kind of people are often more aggressive than others on social media because they can use fake identities to things that they can't do in the reality. For instance, spreading hatred and malicious comments or argue with others online. These malicious comments might affect immature children. In order to prevent these kinds of conditions, social media must have son restrict rules to restrain users.  
  
In conclusion, the freedom of speech on the Internet is definitely every human's right, but we need rules to restrict human's behavior on the Internet. We may have a long way to go before we create a benign online world. But once we are on the way, we are getting closer to the goal.
Hi,  
I am really like your way to argue the problem.  
However, you should review on some grammars and the use of relative pronouns.  
For example: the first sentence and second sentence should be integrated into one sentence; fake news and fake information (or that is) increasing; distinguish between something and something; the freedom of speech on the Internet is definitely or definite;  
  
Once again, I really like your view on this topic!  
Hopefully, these comments might be useful for you!  
Best regards,  
Hung
@bettybetty17940  
Welcome to the forum! This is my feedback - hopefully, you are able to learn something from it.  
  
The flow of content and manner of composition are both crucial parts of the writing since it will determine how "appropriate" your language appears to be. Try to be cautious of these two traits when reviewing your writing and revising your mistakes.  
  
The first paragraph had an array of concerns ranging from inappropriate transition to one sentence to another up until the lack of usage of punctuation marks that are relevant for the building of information.  
  
When you're introducing an issue to a set topic, try your best to link it properly. What I noticed is that your insertion of the topic of *fake news* just jumped out of nowhere without necessarily linking it to the idea of the freedom of speech. For this, you can answer this question and place the answer in the essay: *why are people more inclined to distribute fake news with the actualization of the freedom of speech on the internet?* Create a concise answer, paste it on the introduction, and properly transition to the core message.
## T'Nung Lake

  
  
Welcome to T'Nung Lake, one of the most remarkable sites in and around Pleiku city!  
You will certainly be impressed with the spectacular scenery around the lake. The water is so blue that you can see clearly the fish swimming under water. There are many vast forests, winding and rolling hills. It's well worth visiting the most sacred olace of T'Nung Lake-Guan Yin state.  
  
T'Nung lake is a must for all lovers of the peacful scene. It is a heaven for birds such as: kingfishers, mallard.... It is also a fisher sources anually provide hundred of tone of fish for Pleiku city  
  
Don't miss out on a visit to T'Nung lake. Its beauty will make your trip unforgettable.
@baotran114  
Welcome to the forum. I hope my feedback helps you improve this brochure.  
  
Be extra cautious when you're uttering your sentences. Bear in mind that for shorter sentences, it becomes even more important to ensure that your writing is technically correct since people are not so focused on the content. (Rather, people are more focused on the *way* that you write.  
  
The second line needs to be improved in that regard. The scenery isn't necessarily located *around* the lake (since the succeeding sentence discussed the water itself); instead, **it is lake itself**. The easiest way to be mindful of this would be to source the logical flow of your writing. At one point, you will notice that your writing is going at the wrong direction.  
  
Be more creative as well with your language after correcting the basics. You could have said, for example, that you are *in awe of the lake* instead of *impressed by it* because it conveys a deeper meaning.  
  
The second line appears to be out of place as well.
## Summarise information from the charts provided

  
  
There are two charts show information about the number of bee colonies and how much honey production changes between 1970 to 2010. these charts compare the above items' progress that rises or falls from 1970 to 2010 in the US.  
  
In 1980 the number of honey colonies was more than 4 million and honey production was 110000 tonnes at the same time, but according to the charts in 1970 with 4 million bee colonies could produce rarely 130000 honey production that demonstrates honey production in 1980 went down compared whit 1980. Between 1990 to 2010 the number of honey-bee colonies went down and honey production too. In 2010 honey production and bee colonies were lowest. In 1980 and 2010 the number of productions compared to the number of bee colonies was the lowest from 1970 to 2010.  
  
Overall, according to these charts, we can say in general, the progress of honey production and honey-bee colonies went down between 1970 to 2010 in the US.
@majid61  
Welcome to the forum! I hope that this feedback of mine gives you insight on how to improve this writing. Before anything else, it would be helpful if you are able to include a photo next time of the graph to help us analyze your writing.  
  
From what I can tell, you have a tendency to create unnecessarily long sentences. Some clear examples of this are the first paragraph's second sentence and the second paragraph's first sentence. Both of these clearly should have been cut down to two to three sentences - however, you were unable to do this for whatever reason.  
  
If you want to create a more integral writing approach, try to evade confusing formatting when you are writing. For instance, the numbers should have had commas in between the zeros that would indicate how large the numbers actually are. Simply clustering them altogether like this won't do you any benefit, especially since it just appears to be cluttered than anything else.  
  
The conclusion also needs to not be about what is in the chart itself - rather, this should be an analysis of the overall observation in a way that doesn't introduce new data into the write-up.
## should people learn whatever they prefer or not?

  
  
**Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology.  
  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  
Write at least 250 words**.  
  
Nowadays, it is a controversial topic to discuss whether people should learn whatever they prefer or not. Some people acclaim that it is more flexible on study. However, some people claim that they should study subjects which will be useful in the future. I strongly believe that people should learn subjects that may utilize for their future's occupation which should put into first priority to study. The following essay will depict my point of view.  
  
Studying whatever students want may be good news for most of them. They can abandon some subjects they are not good at or do not have any interest in. However, some subjects are essential in our daily life. For example, if a student just focuses on learning geology and ignores English subject, how can he read a text book which written in English? Furthermore, it may cause imbalance of student's ability which he/she has a great deal of geology information yet they cannot illustrate the information properly by words.  
  
On the contrary, if students choose subjects which may assist in their future job, they may have a numerous opportunities to obtain a better position. For example, a well-known and affluent salary company is hiring an assistant who can speak English fluently. If a student studies subjects which related to language, it might help him to obtain this job offer more easily. This can reveal how important to study subjects that are useful for your future.  
  
In summary, I would like to reaffirm my own opinion that students should be permitted to study subjects that will be helpful in the future rather than study whatever they like because it is easy to obtain a job and study whatever they prefer might cause imbalance of their ability.
@roswita116  
Hi, thanks for coming to the forum! I'll be giving you feedback on this writing.  
  
First and foremost, try to be more concise in your overall composition. This will help you clear up space that'll be useful for in-depth portion of the text. For instance, simplifying the first paragraph can help you add more substance to the latter portions of the text. Generally speaking, doing this will help you solidify your writing. You can do this through omitting irrelevant portions of the text. In the first paragraph, the third and fourth sentences seem to be rather alike - hence, you can get away with focusing on just one of them.  
  
Try to implement the same logical pattern for the rest of your write-up. The second paragraph's second sentence, for instance, could have been simplified through just saying that *these subjects are irrelevant*. You do not need to over-explain when it's not necessarily being asked for.  
  
The summary at the very end should be treated with the same regard. Additionally, ascertain that your usage of punctuation marks are still on-point to lock in your writing to its very core.
This is my first time posting here. All comments are appreciated!  
  
## government's control over the media?

  
  
*TOPIC: Some hold the view that ideas and information should be completely open, and there should be no controls on what people can read and watch in the media (TV, newspaper, Internet).*  
  
*Do you agree with this view or do you think that in some circumstances governments should limit the freedom of the media?*  
  
The freedom of the media has become a widely debated topic in recent years. Since its influence is vast, people are highly concerned about this problem. It is believed by some that there should be no restriction on what people can read and watch. I am in favour of this idea and in this essay, I will explain my reasons and give some relevant examples.  
  
A growing number of people believe in the freedom of the media because the public has the right to be informed in a transparent way. This is because even though the data provided by the media might be controversial it generally guarantees that people would be able to look at one topic fcom different perspectives. In addition, the content which could be disturbing to young people are often obliged to put a warning before it is allowed to broadcast. Therefore, viewers are able to have secured access to information.  
  
Secondly, people also claim that if media was put under the control of the government it would sooner or later become a puppet of political parties. This is because some politicians used television, newspaper as a tool to promote a false image of themselves to attract the attention of the public in order to win the election. People were manipulated by the media and chose to vote for a political candidate because they thought he would give them a better life.  
  
On the other hand, there is a common belief that in some cases the media should be controlled by the government. This is due to the fact that media has the tendency to share contents containing unreliable information. For example, nowadays it is not rare to find a headline claiming the death a famous celebrity even though they are still alive. The shock tactic often used to attract attention and to give inaccurate data. As a consequence, the related party has to file a lawsuit to stop the magazine.  
  
To sum up, the freedom of the media is a difficult issue. While the public has the right to access to information it does not automatically mean that the media is always capable of providing accurate content. Personally, I think that the government should not have control over the media.  
  
I only hoped to score a 6.5 in writing test but recently it has become harder and harder. I self-study so I hope I can get all the help I could get! Thanks in advance!
@skeptical  
Hi, there. I would like to give you some feedbacks about your writing. 😁😁  
  
As I read through your writing, your writing structure is good which includes introduction, 2 body paragraphs and conclusion. And your essay provided good ideas and reasons.  
  
However, if you want to rise your band score into 6.5 or above, you should work hard on your grammatical range which utilizes passive tense, gerund, modal auxiliary verbs, conditional clause, present perfect on your writing. And pay attention to your word order in your sentence.  
  
Last but not least, use correct punctuation is essential to your writing. You do not want to lose your band score cause of faulty punctuation.  
  
Hope my feedbacks would help.😁😁
I think your essay is quite good enough. However, I think it might be considered carefully as follow:  
1.Some grammar is not used correctly, some commas, semicolons should be set appropriately.  
2.In introduction part, the reader might not understand what is "this problem" as it is not defined before. (you only mentioned its influence)  
3.The use of conjunctions seems to be not tie. For instance, you use "secondly" and "on the other hand" without "firstly" and "on the one hand".  
  
4.You should consider carefully your argument because (i) in the introduction part you argue that you agree with no restriction of media, but in the fourth paragraph, you argue about opposite view  
  
I hope it might be useful for you as well.  
Best regards,  
Hung
I am struggle with paragraphing and word choice. I'm really thankful if you take a look at my essay and give me some advices to improve.  
  
## how to deal climate change problem?

  
  
**Topic: Some people think that instead of preventing climate change, we need to find a way to live with it. To what extend do you agree or disagree ?**  
  
Today, climate change has sparked a considerable public debate that whether should human-beings propose optimum solutions for preventing this issue or finding other habitable planets. Although extreme climate can exert detrimental effects, some feasible solutions can be utilized to address it.  
  
There are some problems inherent in the rise of climate change. Animals extinction is directly affected by global warming. According to many recent studies, ecologists estimated that approximately 150 to 200 species become extinct every day. On the other hand, along with this issue, human life might be threatened. For example, when one species disappeared, the food chain will become imbalance. Therefore, the human might be the potential prey for carnivores. Mentioned in The Guardian times about the numerous cases that polar bears wandered in human settled areas, finding for food, due to the unprecedented short winter, in the north of both Russia and Canada. In the most tragic anticipation, many scientists claim that, if the two poles completely melted, human civilization has to face with land encroachment, coexisting deathly diseases and famine.  
  
Nevertheless, these mentioned situations can be remedied, provided that some reasonable steps are taken. In the realm of natural study, investigators stated that gas emission from factories has been flaunting its contribution to global warming. Therefore, by reducing the amount of carbon released, extreme natural events can be converted. For instance, we should promote eco-friendly products. Besides, developing a low-carbon economy by using efficient-fuel machines should be imposed in policy to revitalize the dying earth.  
  
In conclusion, climate change is set to make the earth in grave trouble. Tackling this problem will need a join hand effort from all people, and we can make a positive change while seeking for other planets seemed to be futile.
@d1a9t99  
Hey, welcome here! I will give feedback on your writing.  
  
When it comes to the appropriate word choices, I have observed that you have a tendency to over-complicate your language. While it certainly doesn't have an absolutely dreadful impact to your writing, it does slightly affect the way that your writing will be received. For example, observe how the concluding remarks were written. Instead of mentioning blatantly that there is "grave trouble" to appear as though there's an impending concern, you could have expounded this through specifying the details laid out.  
  
Also, try not to leave pieces of information just hanging around in the open. For example, you mentioned the use of eco-friendly products, however you left it just hanging around afterward without explaining even briefly how this correlates with the rest of the text. Remember that depth is more important than scattered information that's unexplained as this is the ultimate determiner of the writing's reciprocation.
## describing town changes

  
  
The maps illustrate the changes that were made to a town after the construction of a hydroelectric power dam. The new modern water infrastructure coupled with a giant hotel mark a historic milestone, which obliterates the ancient values to the town after a decade.  
  
Look at the map in more detail, the central free - flowing river was chunked to construct a hydroelectric dam, and the upper source of it naturally formed a lake. Besides, there were two chains of electricity erected along the left side of the river. A green farmland, located in the east side of the river, was no longer presented in 2010, and instead we see the addition of a hotel next to the reservoir.  
  
After 10 years, the indigenous communities resettled in the lower river rather than near the farmland. Also, the forest and an ancient structure, on the north - west side of the town, were demolished to make way for the lake. Furthermore, the occupants no longer tended rare plants and livestocks in 2010 due to the erection of the numerous blocks of electricity.