dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The magic phrase in this essay title is "than men". The existence of this phrase means that the research should follow a comparison of signs, symptoms, and effects between the two genders. Comparing the similarities and differences that lead to women being more prone to developing hypothyrodism than men. Presented information cannot focus on the effects upon women alone because that creates an imbalanced discussion (owing to the research paper title).  
  
A more appropriate format would probably be to open with the effects of the illness among men. Giving a semi indepth discussion of the causes and effects of the illness leading into the consideration of how the women are affected by the same illness. As the focus changes to solely the effects upon women, insertions of further studies regarding men in comparison with the women dealing with the illness can be made. The same can be said for the comparison of available and possibly different treatments available for men and women. Is there a common treatment that is highly effective for both genders? Such a format will create a far more balanced and information considerate discussion for the presentation.
Please give me some feedbacks. Thank a lot!  
  
Governments should spend more money on railways rather than roads.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
  
Some people think that more money should be funded to railways than roads by officials. In my perspective, I agree with this statement because railways are faster at carrying things and they are more environmentally friendly.  
  
First of all, we can clearly see that railways can transport a large number of goods at a fast speed. This is due to the fact that railways are designed to carry a huge amount of loads, particularly they can carry some raw materials such as coal. Moreover, the goods and passengers can also be delivered faster because there is no traffic congestion like cars. For example, a train can deliver 300 passengers and tons of goods from north to south Viet Nam in just 4 hours long. This will cost greatly if we use other types of transportation such as cars to deliver the same amount of loads.  
  
Another noticeable advantage of railways is that they are environmentally friendly. Compare to cars, the total amount of air pollution released by railways is far less severe. For example, A study by the Hanoi university of technology and economics reported that to transport 1 ton of goods, a train release 30 percent less air pollution compared to a car. Therefore, railways are more eco-friendly and deal less damage to nature than a car because of the amount of carbon dioxide emitted.  
  
In conclusion, more money should be spent on railways rather than roads by the governments because railways can transfer larger loads and are more environment oriented.
The essay could have been longer in terms of discussion explanation and better formatted in terms of presentation to allow for a higher scoring consideration. Yes, the writer has writter 2 words more than the minimum, but that does not mean that the essay wil qualify for higher scoring considerations per rubic consideration. Try to lengthen the discussion to at least 275 words. That way the scoring bonuses can be applied.  
  
As far as prompt restatements and writer's opinions go, this is one of the better developed presentations. Specifically, the opinion presentation uses the linking words in a manner that offers a clear opinion + thesis statement. What makes this paragraph weak though? Well, the writer actually provided a good opinion, but forgot that this is a measured response statement so the degree of opinion support must be indicated. It is not just a simple yes or no question. It is an emotional response based explanation. Since the degree of response is not present at the start or the end, point deductions will be applied due to a semi non compliant response format.  
  
Good work on the reasoning paragraphs as well. The writer properly defended the writer's opinion using well considered supporting statements and examples. The problem actually shows up in the final paragraph. It is a run-on sentence that does not properly represent the needs of the paragraph. For starters, it should be at least 40 words long. That minimum word count for the paragraph should be spread out over 3-4 sentences in this case as it should summarize the topic, opinion, and reasoning paragraphs to complete the reverse paraphrase presentation.  
  
The writer shows the potential to score higher than average based on this writing. Making adjustments to the writing style based on the above observations should help better his score in the next practice test.
## writing task 1 - cam 17 test 2

  
  
The provided line graph illustrates how many retail stores were opened and shut down annually from 2011 to 2018.  
  
Overall, what stands out from the graph is the downward trend in the figures for closed shops and new shops, with the most dramatic decline being seen in the number of openings.  
  
The number of openings started at 8,500 in 2011 after which it witnessed a significant decrease to 4,000 in 2012, then rose to more than 6,000 shops in the next year. From 2015 to 2017, the figure remained unchanged, with about 4,000 shops per year. Ending the period, the number of new shops is one in three of those in the first year.  
  
Similarly, the figure for closures was at 6,400 shops in 2011, lower than the openings, followed by a slight drop in year 1, then gradually grew from 6,000 in 2012 to more than 7,000 shops in the next year. However, this number then considerably fell and reached the lowest peak of 500 shops in 2015 and then remained stable in the last three years of the peroid.
The summary section is not complete. The summary should be composed of at least 3 sentences. It is never acceptable to present only a single sentence in that section as it represents a run-on sentence and will decrease the GRA scores of the essay. The fact that the paragraphs range from 2-3 sentence per paragraph already indicate a severe sentence structuring problem for the writer. He is severely reliant on commas and run-on sentences for his presentation which will decrease his C+C and result in additional GRA deductions along the way. The main problem with the student is not his understanding of the image. It is the fact that he is incapable of properly writing in simple, complex, and compound sentences. These are the expected sentence mixes in this task and that is what should be reflected in the writing. Without it, the essay may not receive a passing score.
***buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular.***  
## Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?

  
  
Daily online purchases for basic necessities have proven its popularity over time, which has both merits and demerits critically analyzed in this essay.  
  
On the one hand, shopping on websites is time-efficient. A plethora of applications and media provide customers with a boundless range of choices worldwide at a click of a mouse. In addition, online purchases allow for deliveries at a reasonable cost, so there is no need for users to deal with traffic and traveling expenses. Another captivating bright side of e-commerce stores is that people are able to attain an overall impression on the products that they care about based on former users' feedback and reviews, which assists in navigating the purchase towards the right decision. This indicates that shopping on the Internet also saves a fortune due to lower chances of throwaway. Afterwards, going shopping on websites is advantageous.  
  
On the other hand, shopping through e-commerce platforms could exert detrimental impacts on the environment as the demand for shipment would increase followed by packaging. This could result in waste of tonnes of cardboxes, aluminum and, to make it even worse, plastic. Although the process of 3 Rs might be involved to alleviate the amount of the discarded, it still costs more effort and financial loss compared to waste produced by direct purchases. Besides, the convenience of shopping on the Internet comes along with a greater risk of privacy loss. To be more specific, the fact that we could receive instant access to the products that we are interested in on almost any website derives from trading of users' information. Consequently, the thriving e-commerce business brings about considerable drawbacks.  
  
To sum up, the phenomenon is a two-bladed sword. If customers are to benefit, they should make the most use of the upsides and support the environmentally-conscious retailers in order to lighten the negative influences.
The writer has not responded properly to the question. There is a single opinion that must be defended in this representation in relation to the direct question provided in the prompt. That qestion is:   
  
DO THE ADVANTAGES OF SHOPPING IN THIS WAY OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES?  
Seeing the format of the question, it does not lend itself to a comparison discussion that shows the merits and demerits of both sides. Rather, the writer must indicate a support for one clear opinion. Without that clear opinion in support of one of the two sides, the essay will be scored based on a lack of clear opinion in relation to the given question. There was no "compare both sides" part of the instruction for the discussion to merit even a partial scoring consideration.  
  
In terms of task response and relevance, the essay has failed. That lack of proper representation as is relevant to the question means that no matter how well he believes he has discussed the topic, his prompt deviation and lack of relevant response will lead to a final failing score. That is regardless of his performance in the scoring sections.  
  
The correct response is: The merits ( or demerit depending on the writer's choice) of this shopping method outweighs the merits/ demerits (writer's choice) based on 2 reasons. First, (Indicate Reason 1). Second, (Indicate reason 2).
Please give me some feedbacks. Thank a lot!  
  
## traditional teaching is stilll important

  
  
Giving lectures in auditoriums to large numbers of students is an old way of teaching. With the technology available today there is no justification for it, and everything should be done online. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion.  
  
Some people think that lecturing in a large auditorium to students is an old fashion way of teaching and instead we should replace it with online teaching. This essay disagree with this statement and believes traditional teaching still has its own place. The essay will discuss the advantages of traditional teaching which are helping students get answers directly from teachers and increasing their attention.  
  
Unlike online teaching, face-to-face study gives the student a chance to get answers directly from the teachers. Normally in an online class, the teachers can not pay enough attention to every single student as they are in a traditional class. Consequently, students may struggle with knowledge and have many unanswered questions in their heads, causing gaps in their knowledge. For example, VTV, the national broadcast tv of Viet Nam, 83 out of 100 students said they have problems with asking teachers to reply to their questions in the online class and this consequently degrades their marks.  
  
Another advantage of face-to-face teaching is the increase in the attention of students. Because they are gathered in a closed room and are regulated and pressured by the teacher, students have to be more concentrated. Furthermore, being focused helps students study more effective and achieve higher educational results. For instance, a recent study by NEU reported that students who study face-to-face focus 30% more than those who study online.  
  
In conclusion, traditional teaching still plays an important role. Particularly in the ability of answer face-to-face to the students and increase their attention.
With only 252 words in this essay, it meets the word minimum requirement but not the full scoring considerations for various sections. There needs to be at least 275-300 words put down to achieve that. The only plus point of this word count is that it will not meet deductions for under word writing.  
  
Since the writer is being asked to discuss the measure of his personal opinion, the essay should not be devoid of first person pronoun usage. Rather, it should be heavily present. The essay will not write itself so never say  
  
The essay will discuss  
. You are the writer. Own it.  
  
Now, for the actual reason this essay will receive a failing mark. The prompt deviation that the writer created. Did he misunderstand the writing instruction  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion.  
? Which is why he incorrectly responded with   
  
The essay will discuss the advantages of traditional teaching...  
The incorrect response statement will result in an irrelevant response score (failing).  
  
I cannot proceed with reviewing the essay at this point. There is no sense in reviewing a failing essay from the start.
## police budget 2017-2018

  
  
The provided pie charts and table show the sources and distribution of money in a particular police department in the U.K in the two years of 2017 and 2018.  
  
Overall, an upward trend can be discerned in the budget, and Technology's share of funds increased while that of Salaries dipped.  
  
With respect to how the police were funded, a total of 318.6 million pounds was allocated to the department in 2018, up from 304.7 million pounds the year before. In addition, the amount of money funded by National Government and other sources saw sizable increases of 10 and 2.3 million pounds respectively. In contrast, the rise in funding from local taxes was relatively minor, coming at only 0.5 million pounds.  
  
With regard to budgetary allocation, while the percentage of money spent on Buildings and Transport remained constant at 17% from 2017 to 2018, the remainder experienced change. First, compared with 2017, spending on Technology accounted for a bigger portion of the budget in 2018 . Funds allotted for Salaries, however, dropped slightly to 69% from 75% in the same time span.  
  
181 words  
  
Thank you, in advance, so much for your time and efforts to correct my essay. Have a nice weekend :)  
  
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The current summary overview is confusing in terms of reference. Yes, the images were properly identified. That was good. However, the identity separation for the images, the required image titles /identifiers were missing from the presentation. As such, the summary overview became confusing due to lack of reference clarity. next time, identify which image goes with what data. Sadly, the confusion trickled down to the also confusing trending reference.  
  
The reports themselves could use more clarity and properly formatted comparisons. Remember that there are 3 images present. This indicates the need for a 4 paragraph reporting and comparison essay. Preciseness is scored in this essay. By shortening the applicable paragraphs, the essay has less clarity and misses out on additional scoring considerations.
***The life expectancy of the modern people has been expanded, this is the positive of modern medical care***  
## Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

  
  
here is my answer:  
In this day and age, there has been an expansion of lifespan among modern individuals by dint of advancements in medical discipline. In this essay, merits and demerits of this change will be thoroughly delineated before reaching the conclusion.  
  
On the one hand, humans possessing a longevity confers manifold profits. First and foremost, it affords elderly more opportunities to get involve in a great variety of hobbies and recreational activities which could not have been done before retirement due to their preoccupation with work. As a result, they can relish a fulfilling old age. Further, the younger generation can accumulate more handy life experience from the old people with seniority. Accordingly, some dreadful vicissitudes in many aspects such as daily life or business can be deterred thanks to that knowledge.  
  
On the other hand, life extension, albeit offering particular positives, might entail certain ramifications. Firstly, old individuals run the elevated risk of contracting old age diseases such as diabetes or cardiovascular. As a consequence, there will be an overdue monetary burden on these people and their family. Besides, a long human lifespan obviously results in an overpopulation, which is a contributory factor to the natural resources depletion. Consequently, environmental problems such as pollution or global warming will be exacerbated. Another issue is that retirement age is likely to be increased thereby an increasing number of cut-throat competitions in the labour market especially for the youth.  
  
All things considered, the upsides of longevity are eclipsed by its downsides. Nevertheless, efficacious measures can be implemented by policy makers to ameliorate aforementioned matters.
The writer has not taken the correct approach to this discussion. Not only does he fail to provide a thesis based writer's opinion, he also does not provide the correct reasoning format.  
  
Let us start with with the writer's opinion. As there is a direct question being asked, a direct response with reasoning basis must be provided. Since the preliminary TA score includes a clear reference to the writer's opinion is necessary. A mere repetition of the writing instruction cannot be scored as it does not relate an opinion to the examiner. He will be forced to apply preliminary TA score deductions because the writer did not provide a clear opinion basis at the very start.  
  
Now, getting to the actual discussion format. I say that the discussion is unacceptable because the proper topic comparisons where not accomplished in the paragraphs. For this essay, the writer must provide conflicting reasons for an advantage that is a disadvantage, or vice versa. In truth, a full review of the discussion further proves that the writer does not have a single acceptable opinion of the discussion. The conflicting reason I have mentioned is in reference to the reasons that the writer uses to disprove or prove one opinion over the other. That task was never met in this discussion.  
  
By improperly approaching the task requirements, the writer will not meet the passing standards for the task. He will fail in the TA and C + C sections.
## Physical activity in Australia

  
  
(Writing task 1) The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisions where relevant.  
  
The bar chart gives information about the proportion of men and woman of different age groups in Australia got regularly physical activity in 2010. Overall it is clear that the rates of women who did regular physical activity were higher than man in almost age groups.  
  
in the age group of 15 to 24, there was 52.8% male citizens got physical activitay regularly (higher than female 5.1%), follow by 46.7% of 65 and over, 45.1% of 55 to 64, 43.1% of 45 to 54, 42.2% of 25 to 34 and 39.5% of 35 to 44. As can be seen in 2010, young Australian men were more physically active than middle-aged and older men.  
  
Regarding the data of women, the percentage of women did exercise from 35 to 44, 45 to 54 and 55 to 64 were 52.5 %, 53.3% and 53% respectively, significantly higher than the male's index. But in the age group of 15 to 24, the proportion of male was higher than female, and the proportion of female 65 and over was 47.1%, more than male 0.4% only.
A paragraph is always composed of at least 3 sentences. The summary overview does not meet this minimum requirement. There should be at least one more sentence indicating the age ranges being compared, as well as the measurement representation prior to the trending statement. That said, the trending statement is general enough to not need any actual measurement references. It was developed well enough to deliver the overall comparison of the image presented.  
  
The second paragraph tends to confuse the reader as the writer relied heavily on measurement presentations without using clear separators or image references to the percentages presented. These resulted in incoherent paragraphs and a confusing overall paragraph presentations. Expect large C+C and GRA deductions because of these problems. Try to add a little bit more description next time. Simply relaying the information provided is not enough. There needs to be clear reports and comparisons based on proper sentence structures and paragraph format presentations. The third paragraph was a little better developed and presented but could still have been better presented with the proper formatting and creative writing considerations.
-For the overview, I think it would be more clear if there was one sentence refering about the tendency of age groups in the activity (e.g: which age group mainly enjoys doing physical activity)  
  
-In terms of the categories, using specific name to paraphrase the age groups (e.g: the group "15 to 24" can be paraphrased to "teenagers and young adults") might reduce the confusion when there are so many numbers in the paragraph.
HI,  
  
I think you can think about the structure when jogging down your answers.  
  
For the IELTS writing task 1, you should have at least three paragraphs.  
  
The first paragraph you have to paraphrase the following questions and try to put more information in the chart or graph you have seen.  
  
The second paragraph should be the overall concept. I would suggest you to build a clear paragraphs, so the readers can directly get to your point.  
  
The third or fourth paragraph should contain more detailed information from the chart.
## a report for a university lecturer describing the shown information

  
  
The bar chart shows the percentage of children ranging from 5 to 14 years old in Australia who took part in five different leisure activities, including skateboarding and rollerblading, bike riding, watching TV or videos, electronic and computing games, and art and craft.  
  
Overall, boys and girls stay most actively watching TV or videos, which earned a 100 percent participation rate for leisure activities. However, skateboarding and rollerblading have the least engagement for boys and girls. Only 40 percent of 5 to 14 years old boys and 30 percent of girls participate in skateboarding and rollerblading.  
  
There are 80 percent of boys and 60 percent of girls select electronic and computer games for their leisure activities, followed by 70 percent of boys and 60 percent of girls taking part in bike riding. While it is interesting that girls are more interested in art and craft than boys, which gets 55 percent of girls and 40 percent of boys participated in leisure activities.  
  
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*Bar chart*