dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## internet users as percentage of population

  
  
The line graph compares the use of the internet of residents in three separate countries over a period of 10 years starting from 1999.  
It is obvious that internet access of residents went through a growth in all three countries from 1999 to 2009 with a dramatic rise was seen in Canada. Another remarkable is that the percentage of people having access to the internet in Mexico was consistently lowest over the period surveyed.  
  
In 1999, 20% Americans connected the internet, twice as high as the figure for Canadians, while Mexico witnessed only 5% people accessing to the internet.  
From that time onwards, there was a considerable increase in the use of the internet in Canada and this figure exceeded that of America at about 45% in 2002, after which the former kept going up to the highest point of 100% at the end of period. A similar upward trend was seen in the USA with a fourfold rise to 80% in 2009, while Mexico seen a gradual upward trend in the proportion of residents surfing the internet and this figure peaked at 40% in 2009.  
  
*
The discussion development overall is choppy and incomplete. Reading the summary paragraph did not inform the examiner of all the necessary highlights. As for the summary overview, the lack of proper country listing in the summary has left the examiner wondering about how the trend affected all 3 countries. The work in this paragraph was careless overall.  
  
Failure to write a proper comparison paragraph occurs when only a single descriptive sentence exists in a presentation. A proper task paragraph is required to reflect a 3 -5 sentence analysis at all times. Single image reports need only 3 paragraphs instead of 4 paragraphs (used for 2 or more image comparisons).  
  
Writing in multiple topic sentence combinations shows that the exam taker is not familiar with proper English sentence structuring. The lack of proper simple, complex, and compound sentence presentations and the existence of only run-on sentences will further add to the failing score considerations of this essay.
***The older generations tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful in preparing younger generations for modern life.***  
  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

  
  
Many traditional moral codes have been passed on for generations. However, much controversy still surrounds the helpfulness of these ideas in facilitating younger generations' future in modern society. From my perspective, except for some obsolete notions, most of the traditional ideas are valuable to younger offspring.  
  
Obviously, older generations maintain a number of inappropriate stereotypes. According to those, homosexuality and feminism are deemed to deviate, or even violate the common norms. Such kinds of discrimination have put women and minor groups of the society at a disadvantage and thus hindered them from seizing many opportunities in life and profession. This situation is inevitably against modern society's targets to promote equality and human rights. Additionally, conventional perceptions advise people, especially low-class and working-class ones, to stay restrained and suffer in any cases of discontent in order to maintain a so-called peaceful life. However, this idea may adversely affect the principles of democracy and civilization of humankind. Only by freedom of speech can burning issues be brought up and tackled.  
  
Despite aforementioned limitations, traditional teachings still sustain lasting values to young generations. This is because those lessons which have been acquired and revised throughout history assemble older generations' knowledge and experience. In order to thrive in modern age, young people should preserve and promote those notions in accordance with contemporary situation. Take, for example, Vietnam where the forefathers always teach their offspring about the tradition of patriotism. That trait was the core factor which helped them overcome a millennium of Northern domination and win two resistance wars against the mightiest empires then. That heritage presents its unchanged value as young patriots are crucial for maintaining cultural character and national independence in the era of profound globalization.  
  
In conclusion, much as some conventional ideas are somewhat invalid in modern days, the core notions remain precious to young generations as those values are obligatory conditions for the sustainable prosperity of modern society.  
  
(318 words)
In the writer's opinion presentation, an invalid response format was used since it did not use the key phrase response expectation. Rather than saying   
  
From my perspective  
the opening phrase should have been,*"I partially disagree with this statement because some obsolete... "*  
in order to meet the extent response requirement. Note that the opinion included the required thesis statement to complete the reasoning process.  
  
The second reasoning paragraph should have been the first reasoning statement since it directly relates to the writer's opinion and discussion basis. It is strong and perfect in explanation. A similar 2nd reasoning paragraph along the same lines would have been even better.  
  
Therefore, the essay will be scored based on an incomplete reasoning development since the other paragraph is not aligned with the given thesis statement. It will lower the final score to a great extent.
## pros and cons of online education

  
  
In recent years, online education is becoming a new phenomenon with increasing participation rate. It cannot be denied that this trend brings lots of specific benefits for both students and schools but also has negative influences on them.  
  
There are several reasons to say that distance learning is a trend worth becoming popular. Firstly, applying an online course helps students to minimize time and space spent for learning when compared to traditional education. For example, students can save time commuting from home to school and vice versa, to learn more courses and study anywhere with just an internet connection and a seat. Secondly, the cost of online education is always cheaper as the result of cutting infrastructure investment costs, leading to attracting more students to participate and increasing sales for schools.  
  
In contrast, there are some problems that online learning is not effective enough than traditional learning. First, it reduces the focus on the lesson, which makes the learning results not as expected. In fact, we can even surf Facebook or play chess while taking an online lesson because the teachers only controls through the computer screen without knowing if their students are really absorbing knowledge or not; which reduces the effectiveness of studying and directly affecting student's score. Second, distance learning has a serious impact on communication and social relationships of both students and teachers. People need to socialize by meeting face-to-face while online learning only allows teachers and students to meet each other indirectly through the internet, it will gradually lead to social anxiety disorder and inhibit personal development.  
  
In conclusion, it is hard to compare whether online education brings more advantages or more disadvantages because they always have its two sides. A balance between online education and traditional is necessary because students need to be fully developed instead of focusing on just one aspect.
Since online education is already an existing phenomenon, it is incorrect for the student to structure the introductory sentence as   
  
is becoming a new phenomenon  
. As it is currently occurring, The phrase should have been presented in current form: *... has become a new phenomenon.* That said, the restatement is still acceptable enough as it kept the original reference to the topic. The restatement of the writing slant is also very much acceptable for this presentation as it presents a writer's opinion, without being a direct writer's opinion, which is a unique way of indicating the thoughts of the writer. It will definitely be considered during the overall paragraph scoring.  
  
Now, both advantage and disadvantage paragraphs are well presented and discussed. However, proper example presentations would have added to the scoring considerations. Both would have done well to present an example based on the writer's personal experience and the use of first person singular pronouns. The discussion does ask for examples based on the writer's personal experience and knowledge, so group pronouns should be limited or avoided in this presentation.  
  
For additional improvement, the writer should also consider better connecting sentences for the presentations. Transition using subject focus rather than simple transition words or phrases for an increased C+C score. Without it, the paragraphs lack cohesiveness. How the 2 topics connect with a commonality in the presentation is lacking and will be looked for by the examiner.  
  
As far as the conclusion is concerned, it was okay up until the part where the writer indicated a "balanced solution" since the original prompt did not ask him to present a solution or suggest / recommend an action. That will score down the conclusion as it prevented a proper 2 sentence reverse paraphrase presentation from being achieved.
***Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
A host of humans believed that parents who have children admitted to private schools should be taxes exoneration which is used for the improvement of the state academic system. Personally, I absolutely disagree with this thought.  
  
There is a plethora of compelling reasons why I still believe the existence of paying taxes, in fact, can play an integral role in the development of educational outsourcing. First, the contribution is not only used for the stated education system supportive on the contrary also for the preparatory school. The fact that with the duty of families who send their minors to independent or state centers of learning, the government can introduce free-of-charge education to increase the gross enrollment rate of the country or provision more extracurricular activities for learning a wide range of transferable skills. Other than that, the higher academic systems are applied, the better qualifications for the students to gain the opportunity to be entitled to top-tier universities. As a result, an educated workforce with diverse socioeconomic backgrounds will be generated, and in turn a thriving economy and civilized society.  
  
One more aforementioned advantage of this law is to create fairness in welfare between wealthy families and underprivileged ones. If the affluent are given the levy discount because of their children's education, we might have a situation where the poorer public pays higher tariffs to balance the nation's stock. Additionally, these kinds of families will not have an abundance of money to pay for student tuition, their juveniles are forced to be dropped out of the academy. This can be led to the rise of the unemployment rate which will put a strain on the sustainable development policy of the politicians.  
  
In conclusion, I firmly dissent against the view about the financial concession for the parents of private children schools should be abolished.
I have to wonder if the person who wrote this essay is a lawyer in real life. The way the writing was developed leans towards the use of legal terms, which are advanced English words, but not necessarily applicable in the development of this discussion. When considering everyday words used in this essay to help explain an idea, the does not do a good job of it. He used the advanced English words in the wrong context in this case, which would lead the advanced words leading to a failing LR score rather than boosting the score for that section. Remember that the word meaning needs to apply to the discussion. The idea presented in this essay is not a crime, yet the references used mostly relate to the belief as being some sort of criminal activity or criminal thought. That incorrect representation alone would be enough to fail the test overall.  
  
The writer also fails to attach the thesis statement to the correct paragraph. It should have been attached to the first paragraph as a blended thought in the writer's opinion. It should not be used as a paragraph anchor topic sentence since it does not begin an actual paragraph discussion with a subject.  
  
If I were to dissect this essay with a fine tooth comb, the essay presentation could be summed up in 2 ways. An ESL reader will read the advanced English words and say "Wow! Fantastic discussion! I am impressed by your word usage!" While an English native speaker will read this and ask "Who decided to debate this case in court? Isn't this supposed to be an everyday essay discussion? Who made this writer the prosecutor for the case? This is a totally inappropriate discussion based on word usage. Essay failed."  
  
The focus on word usage ended up being a negative for this presentation. It opened up the writer to more GRA and C+C deductions than he would have received had he used a simple discussion using basic to intermediate English words that are not profession specific. After all, the exam taker is not taking the bar exam, just an IELTS test.
***Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organizations.***  
## Discuss both views and give your own opinion

  
  
Some workers choose to dedicate their professional life to one corporation only, whereas others suppose switching jobs is more beneficial. Both these views will bring certain advantages, but I believe that they should change their workplace for many good reasons.  
  
One of the most prominent advantages of working for various companies is that we can upgrade ourselves with new skills. This is because when we change workplace after a period of dedication at the old company, we can get exposure to diverse working environments, thereby we might learn new techniques, accumulate working experience comprehend more expertise and acquire more knowledge experience from experts that we have a chance to work together with. Consequently, we will become a better versions of ourselves and increase our market value in leaps and bounds. For example, in one of a recent survey, 90% of the respondents people mentioned this reason for moving from their current workplace to a new ones. So, job hopping is not a bad idea for their personal development. improving yourself and getting more lucrative opportunities.  
  
On the contrary, there is are a group of individuals contemplating contributing their services to the same institution for their whole lifetime. The primary reasons for this is the stability and security of the job. Even though they do not gain more knowledge and skills, they might get the chances of recognition and promotions. They are also less likely to lose their job in the event of a downsizing. To illustrate, a group of random age employees are interviewed about to know their thoughts idea about changing jobs., The findings of the interview which revealed that folks would like to continue the same job as they do not want to get out of their comfort zone.  
  
In conclusion, people will have their own reasons to decide to stay with the same job or switch companies careers. Having said that, It is apparent working in multiple institutions will bring more benefits than continuing to work for the same company for a lifetime. Therefore, I strongly encourage that the employees should alter shift their job when they feel the current one career is not suitable and they want to improve themselves.
Avoid overwriting a task 2 essay. Specially when the writer is not even sure if he is actually following the required prompt discussion. Kindly remember that this is a 40 minute task wherein almost 400 words cannot be written if the writer is to ensure that he is delivering correctly on all scoring requirements. It is more important to write a prompt adherent essay than one that is extremely long and went overboard with the discussion so that the topic focus is already incorrect, thus failing the test, in the end.  
  
The first problem with the essay is the writing approach. The reasoning paragraphs should compare and contrast (or support) with the writer's opinion. That is because when this essay is written, there are only 2 considerations to be considered:  
  
1. What is the public understanding of the given opinion? (Use third person group pronouns)  
2. Can the writer support the opinion? Why? ( Singular first person pronouns must be used)  
  
These are the 2 questions that the 2 response paragraphs should respond to. Should the writer prefer to offer a stand alone personal opinion, then the same format should be followed but present the opinion as a stand alone paragraph. There is no need to provide a personal opinion within the first 2 public opinion explanation paragraphs.  
  
The second problem with this essay is that the concluding summary included a prompt deviation when the writer included an encouragement of an action which was not indicated by the writing instructions. This change in discussion focus left the essay without a proper concluding summary and thus, will receive a failing score due to the lack of a necessary paragraph.  
  
These are the reasons why this essay will fail regardless of the length of each paragraph, word count, and word usage. C+C considerations do not matter when the response approach is incorrect. The essay has already failed.
***(IELTS writing task 2)  
In today's world, private companies rather than government pay for and conduct most scientific research.***  
## Do you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

  
  
Nowadays, researches carried out by private firms have outnumbered the one conducted by state institutions. Weighing up the pros and cons, I believe that the advantages are eclipsed by the disadvantages.  
  
Regarding the merits, there are two major reasons why private experiments could have their strengths. Firstly, due to consumers' demand and the competition in the market, private scientists are likely to come up with cost-effective solutions and convenient innovations. A telling example of this is the Covid-19 testing kits produced by Pfizer, a biology technology company which has created one of the first kits with which anyone could carry out a Covid-19 test at home. The second point is that these firms always invest in the latest equipment to get the most accurate results. Therefore, when compares with some government institutes with old-fashioned facilities, there would be a huge difference in the final achievements.  
  
In contrast, experiments conducted by private firms do have some significant drawbacks which can not compensate for their benefits. The first problem is the lack of cooperation among institutions and top scientists. To clarify, these scientists only work for their company and carry out their work independently, which in turn lengthens the timeline of scientific projects and curtails the application of many findings. In further consideration, there are risks that some firms might modify or even hide the findings to have the most suitable ones that can help them advertise and sell their products. For instance, Coca-cola has announced that based on its experiments, the consequences of drinking Coca-cola regularly have been exaggerated and it is ok for its customers to have it daily. This statement could lead to an increased intake of sugary beverages. Finally, customers are the ones who always have to suffer from these deceptive announcements.  
  
In summary, private-firm-subsided researches have become commonplace in recent years due to the growing participation in the field of science and technology of private companies.  
  
From the aforementioned arguments, it seems to me that the demerits outweigh the merits of this tendency.
Please limit the task 2 word count to 300 words so that extra time may be spent in cleaning up the essay. That means, the extra time should be used to revise the essay for clarity, overall meaning, sentence structure, and proper word usage. Simply writing a long essay that has not been edited will result in more mistakes and point deductions due to avoidable errors. The writer would want to avoid such deductions at all costs. Specially since this essay does contain more than several errors that could lead to a failing score.  
  
The prompt paraphrase for example, strays from the original presentation. If we compare it side by side:  
  
OT: ... private companies rather than government pay for and conduct most scientific research.  
YT: ... researches carried out by private firms have outnumbered the one conducted by state institutions  
  
The original theme revolves around the fact that the government has funded less scientific research while private companies are spending more on the same research. In the interpretation, the focus changes from scientific research to general research (wrong) and it discusses the number or amount of research (wrong again) rather than the monetary aspect of the research conducted. There will be no recourse but to fail the prompt restatement section of the paragraph. This will be done regardless of the appropriate (but discussion foundation lacking) writer's opinion. Next time, include a short reference to the 2 supporting topics to be discussed to complete the clarity of the writer's opinion.  
  
An inappropriate discussion format was also used, which will result in further deductions for this essay. This is a compare and contrast essay. However, the comaprison must follow a specific single topic format to receive proper marking for the C+C score Following the way this person writes, the format, used over 2 reasoning paragraphs, should be:  
  
Sentence 1: Advantage  
Sentence 2: Explain why  
Sentence 3: Oppose the advantage  
Sentence 4: Explain why  
Sentence 5: Provide examples to prove the disadvantage or create a transition sentence  
  
Only by using the correct writing format will the writer deliver a proper written debate as required by the A v. D discussion prompt.