dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## charts and table - analyse the information provided

  
  
The table provides the amount one family in a city in the UK averagely earns and their specific expenditures on food and clothes in 2010 and 2013. And the pie charts give detailed comparison of spending on five main elements in the two given years.  
  
It is easy to comprehend that although household income notably decreased by $4000, the budget allocated for eating and wearing slightly expanded. Spending on food dominantly accounted for more than three quarters in the two given years while expenditures on clothes took up a modest portion and was cut off roughly by half in 2013.  
  
An interesting contrast can be seen in eatable products from plants and animals. Although in 2010 meat and fish cost the city's residents most with 20% spending, the figure drastically fell by 10% and ranked last among food and beverages in 2013. While fruits and vegetables' share rose significantly from a fifth to a third of total expense in two years and gained the dominant portion.  
  
The rest of the expenditures on dairy products and other food and drinks did not witness considerable changes. Food from milk was consumed with 15% of spending in 2010 and rose to 10% in 2013 and other products remained unchanged with 18% over two years.  
  
***Thanks in advance for your feedback! <3***  
  
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You cannot start a sentence with a conjunction. That means, starting the second sentence in the summary paragraph with the said word will result in a GRA deduction for you. Conjunctions are used to connect ideas in a sentence. Kindly review the rules of conjunction usage before you start your next practice test. There is no clear trending statement being presented in any part of your essay. Since the trending statement is a required part of this type of presentation, you should make sure that it is easily identifiable and placed in a prominent part of the presentation, usually as a part of the summary overview.  
  
Your paragraphs are informative. However, the sentences are difficult to follow. This will affect your GRA score due to the stress that reading your sentences produces. The way to avoid that is simple. Cut the sentences short. Follow the appropriate simple and complex presentation rules per paragraph. Just because you combine ideas in a presentation, and you write extremely long sentences, does not mean that you are properly applying the English writing rules. In fact, you are in non-compliance with the rules because of the run-on presentation of your paragraphs. That means, you will receive additional deductions in the GRA and C&C sections. You must focus on the clarity of the information provided. You do that by separating the idea presentations as required.
## ***Some people believe it is a good idea for students to work part-time to ensure better opportunities in the future.***

  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?  
  
Essay:  
  
It is often said that students should have a part-time job alongside their study for a better future. I completely agree with this view, and will give my reasons below.  
  
In my opinion, the salary students earn from their part-time jobs is beneficial for them in many ways. Attending university requires much money to pay for a number of expenses, not only tuition fees but also the cost of books and academic supplies or accommodation if students are living away from home, and a part-time job will therefore allow them to cover these needs. Perhaps more importantly, I would also argue that teenagers may learn to become financially independent from their parents through part-time jobs. By working and earning their own income, these young people will understand the value of money, and develop a sense of responsibility and self-reliance, which prepares them to live on their own as adults.  
  
At the same time, I also believe that working while in school certainly boosts students' future career prospects. Through part-time jobs, especially one related to their major, teenagers can acquire details of what they have been taught, gain real experience and learn practical skills, which may help them stand out when applying for a job. Even if the job experience is not directly connected to the field, young people might be qualified for a position that those without that experience could not get. For example, I would argue that understanding children and their wants from working at a daycare center makes a difference in landing a position in the marketing department of a toy company when compared to someone that has no experience at all.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that those with part-time jobs will thrive in society and thus, students should be encouraged to work during their studies.
A proper restatement includes at least one discussion topic presentation in relation to the given question. In this instance, 2 subjects, presented individually would have helped you get a better TA score. Simply saying that you will discuss things below does not tell the examiner anything about how well you understood the topic, and how relevant your opinion is, based on your reasoning subjects. If you want to get an assured passing score, you need to deliver a complete restatement and show that you understood how and why the topic must be discussed.  
  
Your conclusion is less than the 40 word format for the summary conclusion. You have really concluded the essay with a complete recap of the topic, your reasons, and your opinion. This part should be at least 3 sentences long. Definitely far more words are required to complete this presentation than what you have at the moment.
## American virologist and medical researcher

  
  
When I was in eighth grade, my English teacher assigned the class a book report. The most horrifying part? The report had to be on a *biography*. Devoid of ideas, I asked my father for help, and his first recommendation was to read about Jonas Salk. I had never heard the name, but my father seemed enthusiastic, so I checked out *Jonas Salk: A Life*by Charlotte Jacobs from the library. The day I opened it, I read the first chapter and did not stop until I had finished the book one week later. I had never known that Jonas Salk was the one who created the first polio vaccine, and that he did so in Pittsburgh itself!  
  
I was engrossed by how brilliant yet simultaneously empathetic Jonas Salk was. He was by no means a perfect person: his colleagues sometimes described him as being cold and egotistical. These flaws, however, were influential lessons in and of themselves. Despite his imperfections, Salk was a passionate scientist who looked upon every challenge with a positive mentality. He was generous, kind, and he dedicated his entire life to improving the lives of others. After creating his polio vaccine, Salk began researching HIV and was able to create a therapeutic HIV vaccine. Even today, scientists are using Salk's research as a base for possible future HIV vaccines. In my opinion, this accomplishment, although not as widely known, is just as significant.  
  
What I admire most about Jonas Salk is his decision to not patent his polio vaccine. Salk's research was funded by millions of charitable donations; therefore, Salk felt he had no right to monetize his research, and thus never filed for a patent for his vaccine. When asked who owned the patent for the polio vaccine in an interview, Salk famously replied, "There is no patent. Could you patent the sun?"  
  
After I read about Jonas Salk, I realized that being successful is not just about working hard; it is also about being kind and giving back to those who supported you throughout your journey. Most importantly, it is about living life with a positive attitude and an eager mindset, two principles that I strive to exhibit every day. It has been three years since I first discovered him, but Jonas Salk is still the most inspirational scientist I know, and the one I would like to emulate in my future career.
Well, this is an interesting personal influence essay. Unfortunately, without knowing if this is in response to a prompt, and what that prompt is, I am unable to offer you any solid advice for improvement or correction. It is always best to include some sort of instructions with your post so that I will have a reference point for reviewing your work. That said though, the paper itself is strong and fully discussed the man. However, as an influential character in your life, I do not see how he is relevant in your development as a person, an improved mindset on your part, or, simply an influential figure that inspired you to do something with your life. Like I said, the essay is a good summary presentation of the life of Salk, but how it applies to you and in what context is what leaves me puzzled.
## health sector destinations for british nursing graduates

  
  
The pie chart gives information about what did nursing major students do when they graduate, while the table illustrates the destinations of these students in health sectors in Britain in 2009. Overall, it is apparent that a great majority of nursing students chose to work in health sector after they had left school. Also, the largest percentage of these students worked as hospital nurses.  
  
As can be seen from the chart, just over three quarters of nursing graduates found a job in the health sector. In addition, a minority of these graduates decided to pursue higher education, at 8%, which was twice as high as the figure for those who combine studying with working, with 4%. Meanwhile, the proportion of nursing students who made other decisions and were unemployed were 10% and 1%, accordingly.  
  
Regarding the table, seven out of ten nursing major graduates, who enter the health sector, want to work as hospital nurses. The figure for midwives and mental health nurses differed slightly, with 12% and 10% respectively. Finally, the health administration had a considerably low employee (2%), which was three times lower than that of other parts of the health sector (6%).  
  
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Please evaluate my ielts writing task 1, thank you!  
  
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This is one of the better written chart comparisons that I have read at this forum. You managed to clearly represent each image in the summary presentation, and also offered a clear trending statement based on the images provided. That efficient presentation alone will be enough to get your scoring started at a higher than passing note.  
  
I have to point out though, that you should not be using phrases such as "As can be seen from the chart" because the reason you are being asked to write this report is because the people reading it do not have access to the given images. This is a written report that summarizes the image information. It is better not to refer to the chart in that way. Rather you could say "Based on the chart information..." in reference to the image information you are providing.  
  
There are very few grammatical errors in your reporting. The examiner will not be stressed out while reading your presentation as your GRA is clear and can easily be followed. You should not have a problem getting a higher than passing score with this type of presentation.
Please give me some advice on my writing essay. Thanks a lot!  
  
Topic:  
***Many people believe that it is easier to have a healthy lifestyle in the countryside. Others believe that there are health benefits of living in cities.***  
  
## Discuss both views and give your opinions

  
  
total words: 288  
  
A public idea has been emerging, regarding that living in rural areas has more health merits than in urban ones. This essay will discuss both views before drawing out the conclusion.  
  
To begin with, the main reason supporting living in the countryside for a healthy life is that the clean environment provides residents with advantageous living conditions. It is undeniable that the less exposure to contamination, the better well-being of an individual. This is because rural citizens stand little chance of enduring detrimental diseases such as heart attacks, lung cancer,... Therefore, nowadays there is an increasing number of civilians who wish to live a healthy lifestyle settling down in the outskirts.  
  
On the contrary, numerous arguments claiming that metropolises have a higher ability to assure the welfare of the populace. Firstly, the fabrication of health amenities is stimulated exponentially in cities. Facilities supporting health merits such as gym, yoga centre,.. are developing significantly since more urban citizens take precedence of well-being over prosperity. Additionally, health pharmacies also receive massive amount of public money from government so as to treat common illnesses without payment for residents. As a result, this policy has made considerable contribution to the society's welfare.  
  
To the best of my knowledge, I would assume that both countryside and citiy have their incompatible strengths and weaknesses when it comes to keeping healthy lifestyle. However, I will argue that metropolises possess overwhelmed advantages in health assurance in comparison to rural areas, due to the substantially advanced technology of treatment in urban, which could tackle innumerable victious ailments.  
  
Having analysed everything above, although it seems that either rural or urban areas have equal downsides and benefits in staying healthy; I believe the merits of metropolis slightly outweigh those of countryside.
Task:  
***Some people think students should study the science of food and how to prepare it. Others think that school time should be used in learning important subjects.***  
  
## Discuss both views and give your opinion

  
  
Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  
  
My answer:  
Some people argue that students learn the knowledge of food and cooking, while others assert that students study more crucial subjects instead of learning that. This essay will discuss both opinions and I will explain why learning the science of food is essential to students.  
  
Firstly, some people insist that students can learn how to prepare food by parents or other methods. They rather emphasize how important it is that learning math or language in school. These subjects are the basic module of the main examination for evaluating students' grades. In fact, lessons of elementary schools or middle school consist of math or literature or history by and large.  
  
However, I believe that there are more persuasive counter-arguments. By learning the science of food and obtaining the skill of cooking, students can choose healthier meals or ingredients. It will let them know what is good and what is bad. Even more, many scientists have reported that when children are exposed to a variety of food in young age, they can enjoy the flavor of food more. Furthermore, learning the science of food and how to prepare it can also drive motivation to learn about other related subjects.  
  
In conclusion, school time should include enough lessons in terms of the science of food or how to organize it. It makes wide knowledge up, not only the science but also agriculture or history. What eating to humans is an inevitable matter of life. Hence, teachers should play a role of leading their students to explore the science of food.
The alternative words for "think" are: assume, consider, feel, deem, presume, suppose or surmise. Do not automatically go for inapplicable and irrelevant alternative words such as "argue" when no such reference is made in the original prompt. Always use the proper synonym, to help your LR score. The words "argue, assert, insist, and, counter arguments", change the discussion slant of the original prompt from intellectual, to angry when there is no need to do so. Proper alternative word usage will help show that you have a good understanding of the English language and its accompanying word meanings, directly affecting your LR and GRA scores.  
  
There is a lack of proper discussion development for each public opinion presented. I do not see any public opinion explanation, and your opinion of such, prior to the presentation fo your personal opinion. The lack of proper public reasoning reference, as indicated in the original prompt make this essay tangential in response. Only partial public opinion explanations are raised, creating a problem in your TA score.
@coheny  
Hi! In a discussion essay, you have to discuss both views equally and then give your opinion but it seemed like Body Paragraph 1 is heavily undeveloped compared to Body Paragraph 2. Additionally, there is no clear opinion or idea in Body Paragraph 1. For example, in the first sentence of Body Paragraph 1, you paraphrase the question again instead of giving the main idea of the paragraph.  
  
Also, there a lot of grammatical errors and word-formation errors. For instance:  
... prepare food ~~by~~ from parents or ...  
It makes wide knowledge up --> it could widen your knowledge
Hello everyone, I would like to express my gratitude towards nice people giving helpful comments on my first essay I post on this forum. Could you please spend little minutes assessing my essay? Thanks sincerely for your support. Have a good day and good health.  
  
## Gender segregation at schools?

  
  
*Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.*  
  
My answer:  
  
It would be argued by some that it is better for males and females to be educated in single-gender schools. In my opinion, however, it would be more beneficial for them to enter integrated education.  
  
On the one hand, there is an explicit reason why some people believe it is useful for students to attend separate schools. The primary cause of this notion is for fear of study distraction. Specifically, there is little chance of having early relationships with opposite-sex friends if students solely enter single-sex education. As a result, they would seriously concentrate on their studies, leading to higher academic results.  
  
On the other hand, I would argue that boys and girls should be sent to mixed-sex schools for several clear reasons. Firstly, one of the major causes is that students from two genders have the opportunity to comprehensively develop a wide range of solf skills. To be more specific, when pupils interact and engage in group work activities, they would be honed communication, teamwork, and critical thinking skills because each gender has possessed different perspectives and potentials. Another reason is that attending mixed schools ensures co-existence and gender equality. Evidently, students will get the equal scholastic system and opportunities to enhance academic knowledge and essential skills. As a consequence, they would find it easier to get a job in a mixed-sex working environment after graduation.  
  
In conclusion, although some people think that students should enter separate schools, I personally believe that participating in co-education schools brings more benefits for them.
Do not misconstrue and misunderstand the original topic presentations. There is a clear and huge difference between an opinion based on what people "think", and what you deem to be an argument. In fact, the word meaning along for both words already show how your use of the English language has LR problems. Refer to the following:  
  
Think - to have a conscious mind, to some extent of reasoning, remembering experiences, making rational decisions, etc. ; to employ one's mind rationally and objectively in evaluating or dealing with a given situation:  
  
Argue - to present reasons for or against a thing: to contend in oral disagreement; dispute:  
  
In the case of this discussion topic, there is no argument being presented since the discussion gives an opinion for both sides. Your job, as the writer, is to assess the reasoning presented, and develop an opinion of your own, based on the given opinions. This is not a debate presentation, which would fall more under the "argue" description. This is an opinion presentation using thoughts and logic, hence the use of the word "think".  
  
Your discussion is presented in an improper manner. You are not representing an understanding of the public opinion for both points of view prior to your own. Therefore, the essay is only partially correct in response. You have to give the examiner an explanation of what you understand of the 2 public opinions first, then your personal opinion second. That means, you have to use 3 reasoning paragraphs. You failed to properly discuss the two points of view as presented in the original  
  
presentation.  
  
For ease of presentation, you may use the 2 reasoning format, since you may find that a simpler format to use:  
  
Sentence 1: Topic sentence ( Public Opinion 1 or 2)  
Sentence 2: Reason the public opinion  
Sentence 3: Your opinion of the public opinion (supporting or contradicting opinion)  
Sentence 4: Example to support your opinion  
Sentence 5 Additional explanation based on the example or, presentation of a transition sentence into the next paragraph.  
  
The concluding paragraph is also incorrect since you again, represent only 1 of the 2 points of view prior to your personal opinion. This is not a complete summary of the discussion and, you used a run-on presentation rather than properly formatted 3-5 sentence summary format. This is in effect, a not so well developed and formatted essay. Since this is your first try, you have room for improvement. Just remember the observations and instructions I am leaving you with in this thread for your future reference.
@ilikesnow  
Hi! I think you should paraphrase the question completely instead of paraphrasing only one of the statements. You can also make a longer thesis statement by mentioning some of the key points of Body Paragraph 1 and 2 with different words.  
  
I also think Body Paragraph 1 is a bit undeveloped, compared to Body Paragraph 2. Since it's a discussion essay, you have to discuss all of the views clearly, not only the views that you support more.
## **Every year several languages die out.**

  
*Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?*  
  
Each year, a number of languages fade into extinction. Some people believe that it does not matter since it brings ease to life. I strongly disagree. In my opinion, the trend is anything but insignificant considering the protection of cultural heritage and the purpose of communication.  
  
A language is not merely about letters, words and pronunciations but about a culture. Its dying out means that the culture vanishes, which can be a tragic loss. For instance, if the Chinese language was wiped out, the accumulated knowledge and history of would be lost. No longer could people gain a glimpse of China's five thousand years of civilization and draw on the treasure trove of art, science and technology to make the world a better place to live.  
  
As to communication, language barrier is admittedly a major obstacle. If humans ended up speaking the same language, people from all around the world would lead an easier life as they could communicate with ease. However, communication is meant to exchange different ideas, thoughts, opinions and feelings, while people who speak the same language tend to have similar values and point of views. Fewer languages means that people have more difficulties benefiting from the diversity of thoughts, which is a source of creativity and inspiration.  
  
In conclusion, I am in strong disagreement that the disappearance of several languages every year carries little importance because of the apparent convenience the trend brings to life. It makes it almost impossible to carry on the cultures the vanished languages represent. People also find it more difficult to learn from diverse thoughts by communication.