dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Trang, can you provide me with a copy of the prompt you are trying to respond to? I need to reference the prompt when reviewing your essay. I am unable to truly determine the problems with your content without it. What I can tell you though is that your essay is not the proper length for an IELTS or TOEFL essay. Your second paragraph should have been divided into 2 paragraphs based on the 5 sentence limitation per paragraph. So the formatting is off because you chose to discuss 2 drawbacks in one paragraph. You should have one drawback per paragraph instead. The normal paragraph count is a maximum of 5 depending upon the prompt requirements. I need to be sure of what the discussion process for this essay is so that I can tell you how many paragraphs you should have. On average though, you can get a good score for a well developed 4 paragraph essay. This essay, doesn't give me the confidence that you would score well using this in an actual test. I can better assess your work with your next practice essay. Just provide the full and complete prompt with that one please.
Hello,  
Here are some corrections,  
  
obsessed with social networks and often go  
her information can still be passed by someone on her  
  
Your essay arguments look good, but as Holt also said, the structure does not look good. You wrote 276 words which is more than the minimum requirements, but the problem is paragraph 2, where two arguments are presented (which are fine by the way), It's a really long paragraph that you easily can split in two.  
  
Also, try to provide some examples for each argument as well. It makes the arguments more solid.
**Some people believe that it is good to share as much as information as possible in scientific research, business and academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too invaluable to be shared freely.  
  
Discuss both views and five your opinion.**  
  
## protected information

  
  
This is a generation of substantial information, with widespread of technology, people can easily access to data they need. Therefore, should such information be shared freely have become an issue to discuss. In my opinion, I think that is inappropriate.  
  
My mayor concern is that some information is classified. Knowledge in academic research and corporate operation have tight relationship with national security. For example, the exploration of rare element for scientist research may be used to produce fatal weapon if terrorists can reach this technique easily on public platform. This will cause serious consequence.  
  
People who support the transparent of information may argue that the authorities can choose the severity of information they are willing to publish. By sharing information, people can enhance their own knowledge, even improve their life, creating a win-win situation.  
  
Although this argument sounds reasonable, I have to point out that people should considerate the Intellectual Poverty Rights. Freely sharing information which made from others may jeopardize the authors' rights, moreover, break the law. Who can decide what kind of information can be shared and via what methods are much difficult than we think.  
  
To conclude, the original belief of sharing information freely is built on positive purpose, but when it relates to sensitive topic of such information, people should think twice before action.
@Arlen  
Hello dear, please consider my below comments:  
  
1- "should such information be shared freely ..." , you may rephrase this statement. For example: "Sharing information freely have become an issue to discuss" or "Should such information be shared freely? That's the question that have become an issue to discuss"  
  
- My major concern...  
  
2- The punctuation could be as follows:  
... fatal weapon. If terrorists can ... public platform, this will cause ...  
  
3- "Freely sharing information which made from others " - I think you may need to rephrase this sentence.  
  
4- I actually could not get what you mean by "Who can decide what kind of information can ..." is it a question ? or an informative sentence ?  
  
Good Luck! :)
Arlen, the score for your essay will be a 2. That is the best way that I could think of to tell you that this essay does not properly respond to the prompt requirements. The answer you provided barely responds to the task. Read the prompt, you were supposed to write this as a comparative essay with a personal opinion. It was not supposed to be written as a solely personal point of view essay like you did here. The correct prompt paraphrase would have been:  
  
*Members of the intellectual world believe that data sharing is an important aspect of research in science, business, and education. Then again, there are some members of the academic society that are inclined to believe that information is a valuable commodity that should not be openly disseminated to others in their respective communities. This essay will compare the two points of view prior to my discussion of my point of view on the topic provided.*  
  
The the paragraph discussion format could have been:  
  
Par. 2 - Supports sharing  
Par. 3 - Does not support sharing  
Par. 4 - Personal opinion (just one opinion either pro or con)  
  
Based on the correct prompt representation and body paragraphs outline, the essay would have been discussed in a more appropriate manner.
Hello,  
Your essay doesn't have the right structure. There are too many paragraphs, and two of them with only have two sentences when the minimum requirement is at least 3 sentences in a paragraph. each paragraph you should present an argument, explain it and give an example. This structure will help you to write a better essay in the future.  
  
Also, some of your sentences were hard to understand, like:  
  
*should such information be shared freely have become an issue to discuss  
I think you meant: whether such information should be shared freely or not is an issue.*  
  
Be careful about the way you are writing your sentences, it looks like you have the knowledge to write a good essay.
**Many museums charge for admission while others are free.  
Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?**  
  
## free or paid entry to museums

  
  
While there are a lot of people who think everyone should pay an entrance fee if they want to see a museum, others disagree. I think it is better to put an entrance fee for museums and going to explain why in following paragraphs.  
  
On one hand, the museums normally need lots of special maintaining because of how delicate the objects are, obviously this cost a lot of money. If people do not pay the fee, museums will have a hard time to prepare the best situation. For example, we had a big museum in our country which is free, they asked the government for financial support but they declined. After sometimes the museum closed. Recently a bunch of priceless artworks was found in the basement of that building which was ruined.  
  
On the other hand, the museums always have a lot of priceless stuff and it is important to guard them correctly. If exhibition stays free and open to the public, it will increase the chance that someone hurts the artworks or tries to steal something. In addition, the museums will be so crowded that no one could put time and learn anything. For instance, there is a free museum in my city. It is the first destination for schools and because of that, the place is always full of people. It led to that, neither students nor visitors enjoy their time.  
  
In conclusion, while some people believe that museums should be free, I disagree and tried to explain my reasons in this essay. The first reason is that museums actually need money to survive and also protect objects. And the second one is that it will filter the people so that who really wants to learn something pays the money and spend his/her time there.  
  
(298 Words)
Hi,  
  
I think you can change the way when paragraphing, instead of using "on one hand" and "on the other hand", I think there are many better ways to make the paragraphs nicer. For me, I prefer to use "firstly" and "secondly", of course, you have to point out clearly that what is first and second if you dont mention that in the introduction. Like "First reason I think museum should charge is.... "  
  
For your reference, hope it helps!
**Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign languages is in order to travel or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language.  
  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.**  
  
## multi-language not merely for travel or work

  
  
Nowadays, more and more people are concerning the main reason for learning languages. Some people believe that traveled use or worked necessary is the only reason while others hold different notions. I personally believe that there are other reasons lead to learn foreign languages.  
  
It is indisputable fact that language is the crucial thing for living aboard. However, I would argue that the second or third language cannot be used for each countries. For example, English is a major option of second language because of its common use, but some countries still tend to speak in their native languages. Germany, France, Spain are the most popular countries for traveling, but local citizen prefer to speak in German, French and Spanish in their daily. Nonetheless, it is unlikely that we learn each language before traveling different countries. Recently, people try to communicate with body language, which break the necessary of learning numerous languages. Therefore, language different is not the main problem in a tour.  
  
Further and more important, though, speaking foreign languages is more easily to find local job. There is a considerable contribution - charity. People learn foreign language for being volunteers in worldwide. They accept language class and relative training before going to developing countries. Unequal distribution of resources lead to detrimental environment of education, incomplete sanitary faculties and lack of self-sufficient ability. In order to help them, volunteers use local dialect to guide local people to improve their life. Learning local language not only express clearly but also establish trust with local people. Therefore, Learning language also can be a measure of helping people who lives in remote area.  
  
By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position, I believe that learning multi-language not merely for travel or work, it can care the people who need our help.  
  
<301 words>
Hello Sandra. Here are some points that might be helpful.  
I think you have trouble using the right word forms. For example: ~~traveled use~~ or ~~worked necessary~~,languages is ~~more easily~~ to find...  
  
Your main paragraphs didn't discuss the prompt. In fact, I find your first paragraph unrelated.  
In the second one, you are supposed to discuss other reasons but the purpose of the whole paragraph is not clear since you changed it from the middle.  
  
Finally, you didn't discuss your ideas as the prompt asked you to do.  
  
My suggestion is to focus on understanding prompts and what they are asking.
Sandra, you just failed the test because of your improper representation of the prompt requirements in the opening statement. The way you presented it is incorrect as you chose the wrong tense usage (past tense) to represent what should have been present tense references. Aside from that, you made an inaccurate portrayal of the discussion instructions. Refer to the following correct prompt paraphrase as a sample:  
  
*There are those who believe that learning a second language is required these days for a number of reasons. One of these reasons being that it is useful when one goes abroad as a tourist or as a worker. Others believe that other reasons also exist for a person to develop knowledge of a second language. In this essay, I will discuss both points of views while offering my own opinion regarding the discussion.*  
  
Since you discussed your personal opinion alone in the essay and you did not even give an inkling of the public opinion regarding the topic, as implied by the prompt, you turned this into a singular voice, instead of dual voice essay. There should have been a discussion of the two public opinions before you discussed your own opinion. Due to your failure to follow the discussion instructions, your essay will fail the TA portion and in the process, fail the whole test.  
  
You have shown an inability to understand and follow English instructions, which is a pivotal part of the scoring and a major consideration as to whether or not you are capable of working in an English based educational system. It is clear that you are not yet ready for that based upon the mistake you made in writing this essay.
@hiimsandra  
As @Holt said, you did not paraphrase the prompt properly in your opening statement. An inappropriate paraphrase would impress the examiner that you failed to understand the prompt. As a consequence, your TA score would lower than it should have been.  
  
I'd like to give you another example:  
**Some people say there is no reason, other than traveling or working abroad, to learn a second language. This is not the case in the belief of others. In this essay...**  
  
no...other than = only  
in a foreign country = abroad/oversea  
foreign language = second language, a language that is not the native language of the speaker
@Holt  
  
Hello Holt,  
Actually, I'm not clear with the difference between " do you agree or disagree " and " discuss both and give your opinion".  
  
**If the prompt were changed to " do you agree or disagree " , could I get the score? Or still unrelated?**  
  
Please help me to clarify the difference between each type of prompt in IELTS test.  
My next text is becoming, I'm worry about my writing test...
Sandra, the difference between the two types of prompts are really easy to spot. For "do you agree or disagree?" that is as simple as presenting a yes or no and answer then explaining why you said yes or no. Yes OR no. One or the other. You do not discuss both in the essay. As for the "Discuss both views and give your opinion", the best way to explain it is through the following format:  
  
1. State reason 1. Provide a justification. Give an example. Transition into the next paragraph.  
2. State reason 2. Give the popular belief behind it. Use an example. Transition into your personal opinion.  
3. State your personal opinion. Discuss as per the elements of the first 2 paragraphs. Your personal opinion should be singular in presentation and be convincing to a clear degree.  
  
Like I said, the prompt state you wrote was wrong. It does not apply to either of the two prompt types you asked me about. Your presentation was that of a single opinion essay. That is not what either of the prompts you asked me explain was all about. So no, the score will not change for you even if we change the prompt because the prompts you supplied were not in line with the discussion you chose to present.
***The charts show the relative size of populations of countries of the European Union in both 1998 and 2007.  
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.***  
  
## population spread across EU states

  
  
The pie charts illustrate the population spread across states of the European Union in the year 1998 and 2007. It is noteworthy that 21 countries are grouped as a whole for analysis. In this essay, I will extract the essential elements of these graphs to make insightful comparisons.  
  
Overall, the figures demonstrate the fragmented nature of the population distribution in the EU, without any segment accounting for above three tenths of Europeans in either year. Their share only saw minimum changes in 2007. Likewise, the ranking in the relative size of population turned out to remain the same.  
  
Among the nations named, Germany continued to have the largest percentage of the total population, at 16.6% in 2007, in spite of a marginal decline from 17.1% in 1998. France and Britain retained the second and third spot, each accommodating 12.8% and 12.3% of Europeans in 2007, up from 12.5% and 12.2% in 1998. They were followed by Italy, where 11.9% of people lived in 2007, almost the same percentage as 11.8% in 1998.  
  
Farther down the list came Spain and Poland. Their citizens represented 8.3% and 8.0% of Europeans in 1998, and 9.0% and 7.7% in 2007. With regard to the 21-country group, their people composed 29.7% in 2007, a negligible rise from 29.4% in 1998.  
  
*213 words. 35 minutes (efficiency will be improved)  
I arranged my presentation in order of population ranking, and chose a replacement for "distill". Hope it works.  
Please feel free to pick out errors you see, no matter how minimum. I would more appreciate it if your score the essay.*  
  
*
Gang, you had a slight misunderstanding of the provided listing beside the pie charts. The reference to "All other countries (21)" is a different listing and doesn't apply to the previously listed countries. It is apparent that all other countries had the largest share of population growth. So that is the actual trending statement in this presentation, not the population distribution in the EU. Don't worry, you are not at the native speaker level yet so small mistakes like these can happen in your presentation. You should outgrow those mistakes as you develop your English analytical abilities. Try to find another essay along this line of discussion. Let's see if you can do better now that you know what to look out for.  
  
Your arrangement of the presentation is very good. However, I would like to caution you against focusing too much on how you present the essay. You could lose valuable writing time doing that. Just outline the essay within the first 5 minutes of your first reading and work from that presentation. Pretend that you are in an actual test setting. That 5 minutes extra time you took to write is valuable. Try to finish writing within 10 minutes if possible so you have ample time to review, revise, and finalize.  
  
As for your score, I will bring it down to an 8 because of the misunderstanding you had about the information presented in the chart and the listing. Good work though. We have some small problems to iron out but I don't doubt that you can rest easy knowing that you will pass this test with high marks.
**The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
## unemployed and educated people

  
  
The bar charts illustrate numbers of pupils who did not get a full-time work after Bachelor degree and Master degree in the UK at 2008. The charts have 4 categories; namely: part-time work, voluntary work, further study, and employment.  
  
It seems that 29665 of students continues their study after bachelor degree, which is the highest number. After that, there is part-time work and unemployment that are fairly close with respectively, 17735 and 16235. The least amount of students did voluntary work with a number of 3500.  
  
By the look at the second chart, we can find out that the highest numbers of students prefer to continue their study after Master degree. There are 2725 pupils in that category. After that, there is part-time work with 2535, unemployment with 1625 and voluntary work with 345.  
  
Overall, the trends of how students behave after bachelor degree and Master degree did not change much. In both cases, further study has the first place and voluntary works have the last place. however, it shows that amount of students who did part-time work raised when students finish Master degree. Nevertheless, the part-time work still remained in the second place in both situations. Same as unemployment which is in the third place in both cases.  
  
(203 Words)  
  
**I've always been confused about the meaning of undergraduate/graduate/postgraduate. In this essay, I counted Bachelor degree as graduate and Master Degree as postgraduate. Can somebody clarify that for me once for all? (google search doesn't help either) thanks in advance.**  
  
*
@just\_writer  
Regarding your question, the word graduate is used for a person who had completed his/her study; it can be bachelor, Master or even a highschool graduate. undergraduate is for first degree or its bachelor and postgraduate is for person who already has first degree and doing advanced study or Master.  
  
And about your essay; you try to start by paraphrasing the question and you continue with detail and try to summarize it which is a good approach but check your grammar and also spelling errors.
Due to certain changes in company / forum policy regarding user participation, I can no longer continue to advice you regarding ways of improving your essay writing skills. It seems that you have been in violation of specific rules that have been brought to my attention and as such, prevents me from further participation in your threads. I can no longer assist you based on these new considerations. If the rules change regarding your participation (in particular) in this forum because of newer observations and considerations, only then will I be able to continue working with you on the development of your writing skills. You may contact the forum admin regarding this situation if you wish. They would be in the best position to discuss this situation with you. Forum policies regarding user participation must be strictly observed. Once you begin to follow the requirements and policies of the forum, then I will be able to work with you again. Until you show improvement in that aspect, you cannot expect any further help from me. I was given rules and I must comply with them.
## salmon life cycle

  
  
**The diagrams below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
The diagram illustrates the circle of life for a specific fish name salmon from the day they come out of eggs to become adult salmons.  
  
The eggs of this kind of fish could be found under small stones under reed plants in the upper part of the river where the water moves slowly. After about 5 to 6 month they become fry and their length grow to 3-8 cm. This is when they migrate to lower part of the river where the water current is fast. They stay there about 4 years until they become smolt with 12-15 cm long.  
  
The next phase of their life is experiencing open sea for approximately 5 years, this is when they become adult salmons with the length of 70-76 cm. They circle back to the upper part of the river to put their eggs under the small stones.  
  
In summary, this fish's life cycle takes about 10 years, from being born as fry, to reproduce new eggs into the upper part of the river as adult salmons.  
  
(167 Words)  
  
*