dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The both maps display about alteration of the development in cities in America over sixteen year period. Overall, there are significant change with the several facilities that had been built in the town.  
  
A more detailed look at the graph, after the construction, the commercial buildings was by far dominated in beside the canal. Afterwards, the local supermarket was changed by the commercial buildings. Beside, the houses was knocked down too in this area. The Supermarket was built across from the Petrol Station. Moving to the north-east side, the facilities such as the airport was erected and changed the two factories also the location near to the high way. Close to the supermarket area, the commercial buildings was designed with the number of three construction.  
  
Turning to the south-east side, the number of residential houses still same as before as many ten houses. In addition, close to the canal the sport stadium was built in the area.  
  
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aloha dika  
I have some suggestions for you  
hope it helps  
  
The both maps display the information about the alteration of the ...  
Overall, there ~~are significant~~is a significant change with the several ...  
  
~~A more detailed look at the graph,~~ after the construction, the commercial buildings ~~was~~were by far dominated ...  
~~Beside~~besides , the houses was knocked down ~~too~~as well in this area.  
  
The Supermarket was built ~~across from~~in front of the Petrol Station.  
  
thanks
**WRITING TASK 1 : Life cycle of a frog**  
  
The diagram display the information about the life cycle of frog. Overall, the process involves about 7 steps by natural way. The first step is from eggs and end results in adult frog.  
  
The first stage is eggs being laid by the mother frog near to the seaweed. Next, the embryo comes up from the eggs after several days. Afterwards, another steps, it was tadpole that was divided into three steps. It begin with young until adult tadpole. Moreover, the growth of frog has front legs that can use for swimming in the water.  
  
Turning to the three last steps, before moving to the another environment, they started of having pulmonary breathing and can live in two differents habitat such as land and water. Morebroadly, the young frog experienced growth with a small tail in their body. However, the adult frog does not have a tail in their body. In the end the adult frog can start of the new cycle.  
  
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Dear Rianto, here some advice for your writing and feel free to correct me too!  
  
...it ~~was~~**is** tadpole that ~~was~~ divided into three steps.  
  
It begin**s** with young until adult tadpole.  
  
....they start~~ed~~ of having pulmonary breathing ~~and~~**which** can live in two differents ...  
  
~~Morebroadly~~**More broadly**, the young frog ~~experienced~~**experiences** growth with a small ...  
Regards
**writing task 1 : map below shows the changes in an American town between 1994 and 2010.**  
  
The maps reveal the information about the alteration land of the rural area in Stokeford in the course of eight decades started in 1930. Overall, it was important to bear in mind that farmland was transformed into a residential area and also shops disappeared.  
  
In the west of the street, as we can see that farmland had been removing and as time goes on constructed several settlements along this road. Thus, there was an addition to build a new road was located in the north of post office replaced shops in the past.  
  
Turning to the east of the street, there are several improvements and increasing a new branch of the road as well. In this time, the garden had been demolishing and changed into houses was connected to another way by means of little road. After that, the school had been extended in front of the post office. Thus, retirement house had been constructed replaced the large house. Eventually, farmland and footpath were located in the south of retirement house transform into residence area and a new road.  
  
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hi mr riandi, these are my thought towards your essay  
  
... information about ~~the alteration land~~the land alterations of the rural area in ...  
  
... see that farmland had been removed and as time goes by, several settlements were constructed along this road.  
  
... garden had been demolish~~ing~~ed and changed into...  
...Eventually, farmland and **footpath** were located...  
[is there any footpath?]  
  
thank you
**The cars belonging are increasing by last 30 years. It causes many traffic jumps in many cities in the world. What causes of this issue? What action should government do to overcome?**  
  
Nowadays, people involve the car as the property that should possess in their life. The ownership of car is growing in number for the last three decades. Hence, that account for traffic congestion in various cities in the world. I believe that there are reasons which are responsible and attempts that government should take to tackle this issue.  
  
The possible reason is public transports have failed to produce proper services for people. As we see, most public transports treat the passengers as they wish. They may drive with the relatively high speed making people be afraid and feel uncomfortable. Besides, the driver may also give unfriendly services as they just do their duty. Many passengers should feel that government is careless of what they experience. For example, in Indonesia, large numbers of minibuses for domestic service might have loss attention in quality of service. Frequently, they would have out of passengers in one time route so the numbers of seats are unavailable. It is more likely recommended for government creating the pure quality of public transport management to cover the amount of demands.  
  
Furthermore, people could easily own new car by credit payment services that is provided by private agencies. Cash payment should not be highly required of the system because it allows people to have the car through the several times of payment. Thus, it is encouraging public to take the chance to have car even more than one in once. I think that the government should intervene this trend by introducing the laws regarding to this issue that include the management and technical measures to accommodate the people's effort in belonging cars.  
  
In summarize, the causes of this term might come from the improper management in transport affairs. It should be handled by government to solve.
Hi Rinul :) here is my suggest for your essay  
  
1. *... in various cities in the world*I did not see the verb there  
  
2. ... passengers in one time route so the numbers of ... you should add coma (,) before **so**  
  
3.I think your conclusion is too short. You should give minimal 3 sentences.  
  
Hopefully, It is help.  
  
Keep writing!
Hello, let me give my correction for you  
  
large numbers of ~~minibuses~~minibusses for  
  
inthe quality of service (this word "quality" need article "the")  
  
the ~~amount~~number of demands (demand is countable noun and must use quantifier "number")  
  
credit payment services that is provided (credit payment services are plural noun, so use verb in plural too, like are)  
  
encouraging the public to take the chance to have the car even (these word, like public and car, need article "the")  
  
the laws regarding ~~to~~  
  
In ~~summarize~~summarizing  
  
management ~~in~~of("in" not right preposition for management)  
  
by the government to solve (the word "Government" nedd article "the")
The given maps illustrate the alternations that have been occurred in Stokeford's village for a 80-year period beginning in 1930 and ending in 2010. Overall, it can be seen that the most noticeable alternation is the replacement of many farmland with several residences.  
  
To begin with, there are several predominant changes in houses between 1930 and 2010. All of the farmland in both the south-west and the north-east of the gardens was replaced by several residential areas. In the center part of the village, a retirement home and some settlements were developed replacing Gardens.  
  
In addition, the only main street which can be seen in 1930, was restructured with some branches and intersection in front of a retirement home. There have been also changes in business sector. The shops which you can see in 1930 were demolished. The primary school was also altered, became larger than the former year. Only one place that remained unchanged for over 80 years which is a post office.  
  
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Hi Nada, here are some suggestions:  
- The given maps illustrate the alternations (alternations sounds a bit improper voc. you can use: changes or growth) that ~~have~~ had been occurred in the Stokeford's village for an 80-year period (...) ending in 2010 (between 1930 and 2010) .  
  
- ..., settlements were developed to replace Gardens.  
  
- ... for over 80 years which is the post office.  
  
keep writing :)
**The map below shows the changes in an American town between 1994 and 2010.**  
  
The given maps illustrate the alteration of America's Town for a 62-year period beginning in 1948 and ending in 2010. Overall, it can be seen that for over sixty-two years, several business sector and facilities had been built in the town.  
  
Looking at the details, various changes was altered in the north-east areas from 1948 to 2010. The blocks of factories had been demolished and replaced by airport and some commercial buildings. On the left of this commercial buildings, a supermarket had been built replacing the lake which was surrounded by trees. Across the lake street, some settlements had been reconstructed as commercial property. It also happened to a local supermarket which was converted to advertisement buildings.  
  
Moving to the bottom right-hand side of the canal, the church which can be seen in 1948, flattened and substituted by sport stadium. By contrast, the residential landscape in the south-east of the town and the petrol station in northern of the town remained unchanged.  
  
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The two maps present the development of this urban planning between 1990 and 2010 in Bradenburg, alongside with mall and novel railway were built. Looking for the details, before being established, this site was many of trees and retirement home in the immediate surroundings of main street.  
  
To begin, there are enormously developments regarding the transportation in this area. In 2010, the airport in northern of this city was built. Subsequently, the government added the railroads along the coastline with a huge manufactory in the west of railway station. In addition to this, a ferry port was reconstructed, adjacent to new railway station.  
  
It was several the other business sector built in this city. In 2010, an enormously big supermarket could be seen in the south-east of the city and also the five major apartments in south of mall, alongside a new motorway and in the north-west of the city, nearby an artificial lake. In any case, the private house in northern-east of this city was built in the last year.  
  
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The two maps presents the layout of urban planning, a period of 62 years, started in 1948. Looking at the details, before being established, the city was house settlement, business sector and the church.  
  
Looking at the details, in 1948, there were several house residents in the central of this city with the garden in the left side of industrial area. After years, both the house and factories was knocked-down with replacing in commercial buildings. In any case, the local mall was also relocated to in front of petrol station. The old-building of local supermarket was changed into a huge commercial sector. The church located near by the canal was replaced with building the sport stadium.  
  
An airport has been built beside the highway in the north-east of this city for replacing business sector in 1948. However, several residential houses in the south-east of this town remained unchanged over a period.  
  
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The two maps present the development of the district site in Skoteford, a period of 80 years, started in 1930. Looking at details, before being established, the area was certainly farmland and several shops there.  
  
To begin, between 1930 and 2010 there are several alteration in the course of 80 years. Farm animals and shops were easily seen in former year but it was demolished in the years later. Surprisingly, in the latter year, modern settlement was developed in this area, running alongside a main road. In any case, the yard and large house was replaced by the private house and retirement home respectively.  
  
In a stark contrast this, the primary school was expanded with bigger area, located in eastern of post office.The government build motorway junction in the north, between road in front of elementary school and bridge. Afterwards, retirement home was bigger with paving highway linked in the main street.  
  
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hi kak, these are my thought towards your essay  
  
... was certainly farmland and there are several shops there.  
[ i think 'looking at the details' is for your body paragraph, not your overview ]  
  
To begin, between (...) there ~~are~~ were several alterations in the course of 80 years.  
...demolished in the ~~years later~~latter year .  
...In a stark contrast to this, the primary...
Alfin, please include the link to the video next time you post a similar TED video so that we can review it on you behalf. We need to be able to watch the video for ourselves in order to better advise you regarding the content of your essay. At this point, I can offer you a general review based upon what you have written.  
  
Sadly, I am not satisfied with the summary that you wrote because it is confusing to read. There is no sense of logic to what you are saying and the continuity is quite dizzying to follow. One minute, you are discussing the typewriter and in the same sentence, the typewriter somehow turned into a discussion about music. How did that happen? I am sure that is not how that information was presented in the video that you viewed.  
  
The mere length of your essay, which is too short for it to be considered a complete and informative summary, will already tell the reviewer that you have not written an informative and well developed summary. The grammar problems will further promote that idea since it is difficult to follow your flow of thought within the discussion.  
  
You even added a personal opinion at the end with your final sentence, which as you know, is not allowed because you are only being asked to summarize the report and not offer an opinion. So that means that points will be deducted in the task accuracy portion.
hai arlen  
i have some suggestions for you  
hope it works  
  
... explained about the transformation of ideas ...  
In the past, most of the inventors find a good way to ~~making~~make(infinity verb) fun, one of them are ...  
  
For example, ~~typewritter~~typewriter <<< (careful with your spelling) was invention ~~which in~~ started from music invention. Honestly, we should ~~don't~~do not forget about history ...  
  
thanks
A breakdown of the number of power generation based on source in both of countries in 1980 and 2010 is provided by pie charts. Overall, it can be seen that the main source that was used to generate electricity in New Zealand was coal and this country did not use nuclear as source in both of frame time. However, Germany was able to utilise nuclear as source to produce electricity in both of frame time.  
  
In 1980, using coal as the resource in the New Zealand was higher number of unit than in Germany about 56 and 28 respectively. Furthermore, at that moment, producing electricity city using natural gas in both of countries was quite similar about under a third, eventhough Germany more can utilise than New Zealand.  
  
In 2010, utilising coal in New Zealand illustrated a significant difference for using this material in Germany. Besides, natural gas power source in both countries had same number about 2. Meanwhile, Germany more able to use nuclear than New Zealand, eventhough this country just used 2 unit hydro power source and this member was less than in New Zealand.  
  
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... on source in both NEW ZEALAND AND GERMANY~~of countries~~ in 1980 and 2010 AS A PROJECTED YEAR, A 3-DECADE PERIOD is provided by pie charts.  
  
..nd was coal(COMMA) and this country did not use nuclear ~~as source~~~~in both of frame time~~ . However, Germany was able to ~~utilise~~ UTILIZE ~~nuclear~~ IT as THE MAJOR source OF ~~to produce~~ electricity in ...  
  
In 1980, using coal  
producing electricity city  
utilising coal in New Zealand  
THEY ARE USING THE SAME PATTERN. TRY TO USE THE DIFFERENT PATTERNS..
Hi Pramudiana,  
it is a good writing but let me give some correction here.  
  
... based on source in b~~oth of~~two different countries in 1980 and 2010, a 30-year period is provided ~~by~~in the pie charts.  
... the main source ~~that was~~ used to generate the electricity in New Zealand was coal ~~and~~ . However, this country did not ...  
~~However,~~In any case, Germany was able to ...
Hi, below through my advice for you.  
1. ... based on source in both**( both mention to?) this is your introduction.**of countries in 1980 ...  
2. ... in New Zealand was coal and ~~this country~~ (you don not need to mention it) did not use nuclear ...  
3.~~utilise~~ ---> utilize ( miss spelling word)  
4. the sentence pattern are used monotonous, have similar pattern. try to combine between 3 way patterns.  
5. ... and 2010 is provided by pie charts and is measured in percentage
The both of maps display about alteration of the development in village in Stokeford over 70 year period. Overall, there are significant change with the several facilities that had been built in the village.  
  
In the center of village, after the construction, the retirement home become the meeting point. Afterwards, the River Stroke passed through the village from south-west to north-east. Moving to the top side, the farmland dissapeared from all of the area. However, it was changed by many houses with the access of new road. Beside, the important side come from the primary school that was developed larger than before. In addition, the shops was replaced by houses and the motor way has been designed to connect between the center point and others facilities.  
  
Turning to the bottom side, before the changed, the farmland was by far dominated next to the River Stroke. When it comes to 2010, it can be seen that there is a massive development in settlement sector. Moreover, there were no gardens area anymore close to the center point.  
  
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hi dika these are my thought towards your essay  
  
The both ~~of~~ maps display about the alterations of the development (...) over ~~70~~80 years period.  
  
Overall, there ~~are~~were significant changes with the several facilities ...  
  
Moving to the top side, the farmland...  
[ i have an alternative sentence  
  
Moving to the top side of the village, all of the farmland disappeared and changed by many houses with the access of the new road. ]  
  
thank you
***The pie charts below show electricity generation by source in New Zealand and Germany in 1980 and 2010.***  
  
A breakdown of the figure for generating electricity with many sources in New Zealand and Germany in 1980 and 2010 is shown in the pie charts. Overall, it can be seen that the units of both countries increased significantly, even though there was a difference in electricity they used.  
  
In 1980, coal was used to generate the electricity, having 56 of the total 127 units, increasing to 150 of the total 200 units in 2010. However, there was a difference in Germany which they mostly depended on nuclear power plant with 155 out of 214 units in 2010.  
  
Hydropower also became the second largest electricity source in 2010 although, in France, hydro-power lost the usage falling from 7 to 2 units. Both countries, however, did not depend anymore on natural gas, indicated by 2 percent for both. The same condition happened to coal electricity source in New Zealand, but in Germany, it increased to 27 in 2010.  
  
(157 Words)   
  
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... even though there was a HUGE difference in TERMS OF MAJOR electricity SOURCES they used.  
  
YOU NEED TO MENTION THE COUNTRY FIRST HERE -->  
In 1980, coal was used to ...  
TRY THIS -> IN 1980. THE MOST COMMON SOURCE TO GENERATE ELECTRICITY FOR NEW ZEALAND'S PEOPLE WAS COAL. HAVING......  
  
... falling from 7 to 2 units.  
IN ADDITION, WHILE GERMANY USED A SMALL NUMBER OF UNITS OF HYDROPOWER IN BOTH YEARS, NEW ZEALAND SAW THE REVERSE WITH 30 AND INCREASED 46 UNITS RESPECTIVELY IN THE NEXT 30 YEARS.  
  
PLEASE AIM YOUR SELF TO FINISH THE ESSAY WITH 165 WORDS.
hi yurikeyuri, these are my thought towards your summary  
  
firstly, i think your summary not contains the main information the article served. it would be better if you put in an effort to complete the information.  
  
The ~~establishing~~establishment of registry based (...) Muslim, ~~wouldn't~~(do not abbreviate it) go to rule out and ...  
[ the establishment of religion policy, particularly Muslim, is not either becoming the rule or planned yet, but Trump's team will discuss to ... ]  
  
..., and it is one reason of the creation of Muslim ...[Moreover, the "extreme vetting" in Trump campaign which will always be defense become a reason of the creation of Muslim Registry...]  
  
thank you
hai yuri  
it is a good summary  
i have some suggestions for you  
hope it helps  
  
..., particularly Muslim, ~~wouldn't~~would not go to the rule out and not planning on it ~~too~~ as well,  
  
... say to some people ~~who~~ radicalized have to be ...  
... Trump campaign will always ~~defense~~be protected , and  
  
it is the reason that the creation of Muslim's enrollment based on the (...) **S**ystem.  
  
thanks
**How we will find life on other planet**  
  
Aomawa shields is astronomer from University of Washington. On TEDx 2014, she was as a speaker. She said that there was water in our earth therefore there was life in our planet. Every places containing water can be predicted that there was life in that place. Recently, the result of Universe research shows that the materials in others planets have different kinds. Take it sample Venus, this planet has temperature surface 600 degrees Fahrenheit which was can melt a metal. On the other word, the place can be living should has atmosphere because it is the crucial items as balancing climate. Next speaker claim that characteristic of planet which is can be lived at least quite similar as earth. Another example was Glaces 7667 C planet 23 light way from earth, in this planet detected there was water on the surface. In the end, she believe that there was another one universe which is can be lived.
hi @Bams17, these are my thought towards your summary  
  
firstly, try to make summary in third person point of view.  
Aomawa shields is astronomer from...  
[**Aomawa Shields, the speaker on TED 2014, is an astronomer from University of Washington.**]  
[it would be better if you use compound or complex sentence ]  
  
She said that there was water in ...  
[ she informed that the life occurred on the earth because of water existence. So that, we will find a life everywhere water exist. ]  
  
Take it sample Venus, this planet has...  
[ Taking Venus as example, this planet surface temperature is around 600 degrees Fahrenheit which is can melt a metal ]  
[ please use simple present tense to write general fact ]  
  
... the place can be ~~living~~lived should ~~has~~have atmosphere (...) crucial items ~~as balancing~~to balance the climate.  
  
Next, speaker claimed that characteristic of ...  
... Glaces 7667 C a planet 23 light way ...  
  
thank you, keep writing and break a leg