dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
@tom73217321  
Ben, hi, here are my observations and suggestions:  
  
1. In the IELTS WT1 you are expected to organize your answer as a paraphrase of the question and 3 paragraphs . The first one is an overview - 2 to 3 sentences. You should mark only general trends here with no references to specific numbers or data. 2nd paragraph may be devoted to first bar chart. the 3rd may be devoted to the second bar chart.  
  
You first paragraph can start with your first sentence.  
*Overall, it seems that the quantity of people having computers had been increasing stably since 2002. Both in 2002 and 2010 a clear link between the level of education and the share of persons owning computers can be observed: groups of individuals with higher levels of education include more members who have a computer.*  
  
2nd paragraph:  
*In 2002 as much as 57% of all the population owned a computer. The share of people having a computer kept increasing through the period reaching a peak at almost 78% in 2010.*  
  
3rd paragraph:  
*The second figure shows that the amount of people in all the five categories by level education owning a computer in 2010 increased compared to 2002.  
In 2002 only 15% of individuals who don't have a high school diploma used to have a computer, but this number has doubled to reach 40% in 2010.  
  
The least increase in number of people having a computer was observed among those who obtained a postgraduate qualification - not more than 15%.*  
  
2. There no conclusions in WT1. I also recommend to avoid giving your opinion [probably, more likely]. Your essay should only describe the facts.  
  
3. There are also numerous grammar mistakes and misspelled words. Please pay attention to it.  
  
4. As a side note, I believe bar charts are the least demanding in terms of special vocabulary (unlike line graph when you have to know all the synonyms for rise/increase/go up/ augment etc.  
  
Hope you find this helpful
Ben, you cannot score higher than a 4 with this essay because of the way that the format of the essay is presented. In terms of scoring considerations, your Task accuracy is severely flawed due to the fact that you did not accurately paraphrase and summarize the discussion at this point. Therefore, you were not able to properly explain to the reader what the diagram is all about and why it is important to share these facts, as well as make comparison points. This is the reason why the ideas that you present the essay lack a clear paragraph development in its explanation. Leaving the reader hanging as to the more accurate presentation of information based on the chart that you saw.  
  
Remember that the assumption is that the reader does not have access to the image. So the more complete your image presentation in the analysis, the more accurate the information you present, the better your score will be. You don't really have the capacity to develop more than simple sentences in this essay. That is because you kept your sentences long, rather than short. When you present shorter sentences, the ability to develop a more complex presentation becomes higher.  
  
While you can write the WT1 essay without a conclusion, you may also write it with one. The conclusion is actually optional and should only be (optionally) presented if a trending discussion is not presented in the summary overview. Basically, you should get a decent score if you manage to write well developed paragraphs in the essay within 4 paragraphs at the most.
**In the past, most people lived in small villages where everyone knew everyone else. Nowadays, most people live in large cities where they only know a few people in their area. What do you think were the advantages and disadvantages of living in a small community?**  
  
## The advantages and disadvantages of living in a small community

  
  
There are always 2 main areas which is contrary with each other in every country: suburban and big city. Tens of years ago, a large of number people spent their whole life in a small home village. But today, most of them live in bigger and modern cities. As the results, there are different experiences in each place.  
  
In my view, people would be received some benefits if they stayed in a small society. Firstly, they knew each other very well. They could believe in their neighbors because they understood them very clearly. They would feel safe and the crime rate was very low. Secondly, everyone could help their neighbors when necessary. The children always had someone to look after, or if you went out, your next-door friend kept your delivery goods and watched out your house. Finally, in a small group, everyone was very closed and you never felt lonely. They usually held small gatherings, parties every week to make this relationship be cohesive. The life here is simple but happy.  
  
However, there were many difficult if people just lived here. Almost the villages were very poor without convenient infrastructures: modern hospitals, internet services,... Also, because of the undeveloped traffic and the large distance, it took many hours to go to the nearest schools, factories, especially hospital and police station in emergency situations. Besides, in suburban, agriculture occupies the majority, so every family had financial problems. Only young people could go to big cities to have more opportunities. Finally, because of the small views, their knowledge and relationship was very limited.  
  
In conclusion, I think these disadvantages are outweigh advantages. Nowadays, with the development of technology, living in a big city is more convenient and easily to find better jobs. But if you want, you can also make a suitable small community with your neighbors.  
  
**Please help me to check the grammar, usage and ideas for this essay of task 2 ielts writing.Thank you so much!**
@MariamM  
Thank you so muchhhh. I will take a close look at your suggestions. Hope you will continue to help me in the following essay!  
  
@Holt  
Yes, this is my first time writing an ielts task 2, so I know my essay has many mistakes.  
Your suggestions are very precious and useful.  
I will edit my actual post carefully.  
Looking forward to your helping in futural articles  
Thank you so much!
@irisyuki  
  
1. You must use same type of saying number, it is prohibit to use "2" main areas and "Tens" of years ago.  
2. Your attitude to this topic is changing, which means I cannot know the clear opinion of yours.  
Despite you making a conclusion in the end, it still didn't close to the topic. I think the topic want you to compare the difference between rural hospitality and urban lonely.
## why agricultural land becomes less productive?

  
  
***The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.***  
  
The pie chart is provided for analysis of what impair the productive capacity of agricultural land. The table details these damages in three regions over the last decade of the 20th century. In this essay, I will distill key points to make informative comparisons.  
  
Overall, on a global scale, deforestation, over-cultivation and over-grazing are the primary culprits, each accounting for approximately three tenth of land degradation. Among these regions listed, Europe was hit most severely during 1990s, with 23% of its land degraded. By contrast, the comparable proportions were 13% and just 5% for North America and Oceania respectively.  
  
Globally, overgrazing-induced land degradation makes up 35% of the total. Deforestation and excessive cultivation take a close second and third place in harmfulness, leading to 30% and 28% of land degradation each. On the contrary, only 7% of land degradation is attributed to other reasons.  
  
Regionally, over-grazing bore the most blame in Oceania, where it reduced 11.3% of soil to barren fields, compared with 5.5% in Europe and 1.5% in North America. With regard to deforestation, 9.8% of land in Europe became infertile for this reason, while the percentage was down to 0.2% in North America and 1.7% in Oceania. Likewise, though Europe saw 7.7% of its land damaged by excessive cultivation, only 3.3% of land in North America and o% in Oceania suffered the same problem.  
  
**226 words**  
**This time I practiced pie chart writing. I would more appreciate it if you score my essay.**  
  
*
For this essay, I think the highest you can garner is an 8. You had a few run-on sentences that caused you to fall short of the paragraph requirement in the last paragraph. There was also an issue regarding your sentence formation. For instance. you were missing the connecting word "the" when you said "Europe was hit most severely during THE 1990's." In the third paragraph, the correction is "... degradation MADE up (use the past tense as the information is taken from the past)". Then, "... land degradation WAS (past tense) attributed..."  
  
Truth be told, I am very impressed by the consistency in your writing. Your scores so far have always ranged in the 8-9 bracket so I am more than confident that you will be passing this test with some of the highest marks in your batch of test takers. That is why I am now focusing less on the content of your essay and more on the grammar presentation. You are slowly developing a more fluid sentence presentation that will all but erase the fact that you are an ESL student.
**The charts below show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition English, in 2000 and 2010.  
  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.**  
  
## foreign language knowledge in the uk

  
  
Given are two pie charts illustrating how different languages are spoken by British students in a decade. Overall, one particularly interesting fact is that Spanish is the most popular language during this period.  
  
It is obvious that Spanish gain at least 10% more than other languages, constituting 30% in 2000. English speakers (20%) were secondary, there was a bit difference with Spanish, by 10%. In addition, the proportion of French and another language gain half lower than Spanish speakers. Nonetheless, German speakers and dual-language speakers merely had one-ninths of overall British students.  
  
After ten years, most of the item had changed except for German speakers, the proportion of German speakers retained 10%. In 2010, Spanish speakers increased to 35% while another language speakers grew up to 20%, both of these two language speakers had 5% growth. In contrast, French speakers and English speakers decreased in 2010, the former slightly fallen to 10% and so did the latter. It is noteworthy that dual-language speakers rose to 15%, this phenomenon could be connected with the decrease of French and English speakers. It is clear that English speakers learned French, meanwhile, the French speakers learned English in a decade.  
  
<196 words>  
  
Please help me to revise grammar mistake and illogical words. Thanks!
Hi, @hiimsandra  
I will help you with the grammatical correction.  
  
It is obvious that Spanish gain (Do you mean gained (like in the past) or gains?) at least 10% ...  
  
... secondary, there was a bit difference with Spanish, by 10%. (This part is just repeating the previous sentence.)  
  
... of French and another (Do you mean 'another' as it is only one or 'other' as there are some languages?) language gain half ...  
  
... to 35% while another language (Do you mean other language speakers?) speakers grew up ...  
  
... learned French, (.) meanwhile, (Meanwhile,) ~~the~~ French speakers ...  
  
I hope it helps. Good luck with your writing task :)
Sandra, it is difficult to review your essay because you forgot to upload the image for our reference. You can't expect too much help from us regarding the review of your work because of that. I can however, offer a general review of your essay based on format considerations.  
  
Your summary overview is not appropriate. It is missing a number of important information in the presentation. A more appropriate presentation for this would be:  
  
*Charts were provided in order to assess the number of British students who could speak other languages aside from English. The years indicated for review are 2000 and 2010. This essay will present the summarized information along with a comparison of important features when required. Overall though, it is noticeable that Spanish proved to be the most popular other language spoken at the university during these two years.*  
  
I am unable to proceed beyond this point of reviewing your work because I have no way of confirming the information you have provided. Hopefully, you will remember to upload the image with your next essay and I can give you a more useful review within that essay. As for this essay, I don't think the review can progress beyond this due to the lack of image reference.
**It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?  
what sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children.**  
  
## distinction between right and wrong

  
  
Children must learn how to react, they have to understand the consequences of their actions. I believe it is the parent's job to teach them how to stay in right path. In fact, they can punish them based on their actions. In the following paragraph, I will discuss what could be the best possible teaching method for parents.  
  
Firstly, there are a lot of studies that show it counts as forbidden to hit the child if he/she did something bad. It could leave a lot of memories to scar them for life or even hold them back when they get older.  
  
Secondly, one of the important roles of parents is to guide their children and prepare them for future. In addition, they must figure out a way to remain in control so that kids listen to their words and accept them. For instance, one of my family has a child who does whatever he wants and never reacts to the word "don't". he does not care if it comes from his parents or someone else. I think he will become spoiled in the future and also there is a possibility of hurting himself.  
  
Lastly, there are a lot of ways to control children, but the crucial point is to stay fair. I mean sometimes just a talk can teach so many things. For example, I remember when I was a child, my parents used grounding as a method of control or sometimes they just banned the objects which caused the problem, like a toy gun. I believe it is a healthy attitude toward children because they both understand they did something bad and also respect more the freedom they had before.  
  
In conclusion, parents are allowed to punish their children, as a matter of fact, it is their responsibility. And they must try to remain fair. I think a method for parents could be to take the freedom from their children which proved to be effective.  
  
(329 Words)
Hi, @just\_writer  
I think you should give some evidence to justify your second paragraph. In my opinion, your second paragraph is not strong enough to say that punishing is forbidden. Giving an example or elaborate more can be a way to help develop the readers to understand your point of view.  
  
In addition, looking at your essay I do not think it is strong enough because you only present examples taken from your personal experiences. I suggest you provide some examples from news or dependable sources so that it is more trustworthy and objective.  
  
Good luck with your writing task :)
This is an extent discussion essay. Yet there is no reference to that discussion in your opening paraphrase. That makes the paragraph faulty and as such, will receive the appropriate points deduction. The proper presentation for this opening statement is as follows:  
  
*While everyone agrees that children must be taught how to properly conduct themselves in public at an early age, the method by which this should be done is debatable. Some people acknowledge that punishing children necessary in order to teach them the difference between right and wrong. I agree with the aforementioned statement to a certain degree.*  
  
I decided to use the "certain degree" discussion in this instance because, as I reviewed your essay, I realized that you had certain reservations regarding punishments and how it should be applied. Therefore, this extent essay needs to be "limited" in presentation so that you can discuss both sides of the issue.  
  
I have a problem with the way that you wrote this essay. You wrote 329 words but you did not fully accomplish the task requirements. Due to the missing discussion points, you will definitely lose points that could affect whether or not this essay passes the test. Writing a lot of words, if it is not aligned with the prompt requirements is useless. Your statements need to be aligned with the prompt requirements in order for the word count to be of value in the final scoring.
@just\_writer  
  
1.  
This kind of essay need to discuss the reason why you agree / disagree. You can clearly express your opinion at the end of first paragraph, and reaffirm it at the last paragraph (conclusion). So the reader can know your attitude about this topic.  
  
2.  
It is better to share the example to support each notions. Just like your forth paragraph.  
  
3.  
You can combine paragraph two and four into one paragraph, or combine paragraph three and four into one paragraph.  
I think they are close, it almost repetition.
**The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.  
  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
## greenhouse gas as result of heating process

  
  
Two pie charts illustrate the mean use of different kinds of powers in homes for Australi's citizens and the amount of greenhouse gas production in contrast. It shows that the highest amount of the greenhouse gas is released by water heating, and the lowest amount goes to cooling.  
  
The water heating process takes 30% of total energy used and produced 32% gas. After that there is refrigerating with 7% power consumption. However, the greenhouse gas production is double with 14%. Nevertheless, other appliances almost have the same characteristic, with 15% of energy consumption and 28% gas production.  
  
The heating process which takes the highest amount of power usage by 42%, generates only 15% gas. And the cooling category has respectively 2% and 3% for power and gas generation. so as lighting with 4% and 8% in the same order.  
  
It seems that the heating process with the most energy usage, surprisingly produces much less gas than other; in fact, it is third to last. And other appliances which use 15% power, generates also more gas; as a matter of fact, it is second to first in gas production.  
  
(172 Words)  
  
*
A better scoring IELTS Task 1 essay usually has at least 200 words. Try to aim for that in your next essay. Writing more sentences(both simple and complex), and in the process, words, will allow you to get a better chance at increasing your overall scoring considerations. Specifically in the LR, C&C, and GRA sections.  
  
In the summary overview, an indication that the 6 comparative elements, and its enumeration in the essay would have helped to increase the summary of information you are presenting. Indicating the discussion instruction would have also allowed you to increase the TA scoring consideration for your essay. Remember, it always has to be more than 2 sentences in order to increase the score per criteria.  
  
If you had combined the last 2 statements into one paragraph, you would have created a more informative discussion because the information that you are presenting turns out to be inter-related. Developing a 2 sentence paragraph doesn't help your essay. Presenting at least 4 related information in one paragraph makes a difference in your final score. Always aim to present a complete paragraph and highly informative sentences so that you can assure yourself of the best scoring considerations in the end.
**Some people say it is OK to use animals for our benefit, others say it is not good to exploit them. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.**  
  
## how people treat animals

  
  
Several persons believe that something is not wise to exploit animal, opposite that some human society trusts, we can take benefit from the animal. This writing will discuss both of statements. I totally agree if human take advantage from an animal because one of utilizing animal is created for help human being to survive.  
  
On the one hand, the animal could be utilized for aid sustainability of human life. Some animals are created to assist human such as horse, chicken, cow, and others. Taking an example in my village, local who has a horse, he will be easy to do his daily activity. Go to market, garden, and another place could be reached by a horse. So the animal has an essential position in human life.  
  
On the other hand, mostly people who keep animals even tortured him. They think keeping animal is help their life with giving drink, eat and nursing them. Actually, people keep animal has a good intention but they do with the wrong way. For example, they keep a bird and they were thinking, they help to find food and drinks. The impact the bird will be stressful spend the time merely in the cage.  
  
I agree if we could take benefit from an animal but we have to keep their freedom. In this case, we have to regard and think a good way to treat them. So, their life could be saved and they can get a happiness.  
  
To sum up, keep the animal is good if you can treat with the right way. This article tells us about 2 mindsets human about the the animal. I suggest for government to make a new rule to manage this issue.  
  
Please give me a rational score :)
Alimin, your overall score for this essay will be a 4. The reasons that you are receiving this score are based on the following reasons:  
  
1. The presentation of your ideas are not clear and isn't well supported in your discussion. The opening paraphrase is a disaster that doesn't really help the reader understand what the point of the essay will be.  
  
2. The paragraphs tend to be highly confusing in presentation. Making it difficult for the reader to understand what the main discussion element or topic sentence of the paragraph is.  
  
3. You have almost no control over word formation. This causes undue stress on the part of the reader who has to spend time analyzing what you have written just to be able to understand it on simple terms.  
  
4. Your sentence development is really problematic. I strongly suggest that you try to do sentence development exercises in order to gain a better understanding of sentence development and so that you can learn how to control your word formation skills.  
  
In all honesty, I would have held back on scoring your essay because of all the problems that it contains. However, you asked for a score so I had to follow your request and give you an honest assessment based upon scoring considerations. The outlined problems of your essay covers all of the problem points so you now know where to start with regards to improving your skills over your forthcoming essays.
Hi Alimin, here are some comments on your essay  
  
I have noticed that there are several grammatical errors in your writing.  
Your thesis statement is hard to follow. And I think it didn't clearly respond to the question.  
And the body paragraphs are not really well presented and they didn't fully cover the task questions.  
  
So maybe you should work more on strengthening your grammar and idea organizing first!  
  
Hope that you'll find this useful.  
  
Best regards,