dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
*Subject:  
**In some societies, the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing. Some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit major crimes should receive adult punishment.***  
  
## To what extent do you agree?

  
  
Due to the growth of teen criminals in today's world, some people think it is best to give them the same punishment as adults. In this essay, I will analyze my point of view about this trigger topic.  
  
First of all, youngsters under 18 are not mature enough to receive harsh punishments for their actions. By putting them in prison, they can be bullied or physically abused, which can leave them to end up suffering from fear and discrimination. There are special juvenile halls for kids who break the laws and get training lessons to understand more about laws and not get into trouble when they get released. I think this is a great way for them to make up their mind, sending them to juvenile halls mainly for the purpose of educating, helping them to correct their mistakes, develop healthily, and become useful citizens of society.  
  
Secondly, the prosecution of persons under 18 years of age who commits a crime, for prison only in necessary cases and must be based on their personal characteristics, the dangerous nature of the offense and the seriousness of the crime. But, there are exceptions because sometimes kids actually still go to jail because the course only applies prison sentences with a definite term to offenders under the age of 18 when deeming that other punishments and educational measures do not have a deterrent or preventive effect.  
  
In conclusion, I do not agree with the idea of giving children the same punishment as adults because that would be unfair and abuse the children mentally and physically.  
  
Word count: 262
I am wondering where the writer found a reference to a "trigger topic" for this discussion. Seeing as the original presentation makes no reference to such thinking, the topic restatement is now inaccurate and unrelated to the original discussion.  
  
Owing to the fact that the required response format was not presented in terms of the writer's opinion, this essay has already received a failing score even before the rest of the essay has been read.  
  
Even as the writer's opinion is presented at the end, the essay cannot be given a passing score. That is because the opinion statement format is wrong and also, cannot be presented in the concluding paragraph due to the information recap required in the section.  
  
The overall incorrect discussion approach is what will prevent this essay from reaching the passing mark, regardless of the appropriateness of the reasoning paragraphs.
## People say that a country will benefit greatly if its students study abroad

  
  
The topic of whether a country will gain an edge when its students study overseas.Although there are disbeliefs and controversies over the statement,I personally agree with the opinion for several reasons  
  
Without a doubt, students who study abroad have the ability to contribute to their country's development.First and foremost, greater educational standards at foreign institutions will provide students the top notch education with qualified teachers and advanced learning facilities.Student will achieve qualification that are accredited and recognized worldwide, they can have more opportunities and better career prospect. Furthermore, studying abroad make students become adaptive,skillful,and well-rounded since they have to be independent and conscientious in a foreign land. Hence, they will have advantages and experiences when working in a multicultural and international environment.Therefore, it is beneficial to our society due to the educated, skilled workforce in the future.  
  
Nevertheless, there are some issues that students have to face when studying overseas.Firstly,economic matters are one of the burdens for students and families so they must expense and manage their money wisely.Otherwise, they may face other challenges such as solitude,homesickness,and alien environments.However,all this obstacles, all this pressure,they are all the precious experiences that oversea students have to undergo to become more complete and then produce societal values..On the other hand, not all students have a desire to return to their native country and develop it. It is understandable that many students choose to emigrate after their studies because of better living conditions and job growth prospects in foreign nations. As a result, society must deal with the loss of trained labor.
While the writer shows a good understanding of the discussion topic, a problem arose with the incomplete opinion statement. While this is an ague or disagree essay, it has the added requirement of an emotional response to indicate the writers's (non) support of the given statement. Therefore, the paragraph missed out on being fully task responsive by accident. Only partial scoring will apply to the preliminary score.  
  
The overall discussion is also improperly developed as the writer provides an alternative statement discussion Since this is not an A V. D prompt, that discussion format cannot be used. This is a single opinion defense meaning, both paragraphs should support the given opinion.  
  
Missing from the presentation is the expected 4 paragraph format. The concluding paraphrase is not included in the presentation. Thatparagraph is a scoring necessity that can result in the essay receiving a failing score.
## IELTS Task 2 - Distance learning

  
  
***Universities and collages are now offering qualification through distance learning from the internet rather than teachers in the classroom. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?***  
  
It is irrefutable that more and more universities and colleges have started to offer qualification through distance learning from the internet rather than teachers in the classroom. This situation has both pros and cons. In my opinion, the advantages definitely outweigh the disadvantages.  
  
On the one hand, It is obvious that distance learning benefits both teachers and students because they do not need to commute to school anymore. distance learning saves their time and allows them to do other things. For example, students that live far away from their college would be very grateful because they can study through online courses, not only that they can save their time but also their money since they do not need to commute to school or live in dorms.  
  
On the other hand, some people prefer study in classroom rather than study online. The reason is that they believe students can not stay focus studying online, and teachers can not tell whether a student is distracted or not, so distance learning will harm the efficiency of the courses. However, some actions could be taken to make sure that students are paying attention to the courses. For example, teachers could always randomly pick someone in the class to answer questions. In that way, students will not get distracted so easily.  
  
To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that, there are definite advantages to offering qualification through distance learning from the internet as long as universities and colleges could ensure the quality of their online courses and make sure that every students could stay focus throughout the classes. If this is done, then definitely the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
2 problems exist with the topic restatement. The first, is that the writer has said the topic is "irrefutable" when the original prompt does not indicate the need for such a strongly worded restatement. The mere discussion point has been exaggerated to the point of altering the original topic foundation. There will be point reductions for that. The 2nd problem is that the phrase:  
  
distance learning from the internet rather than teachers in the classroom.  
is a direct cut and paste from the original presentation. It is evidence that the writer utilizes memorized phrases via cut and paste to complete his thoughts. Both errors will result in a failing preliminary TA score. Which means the writer will need to present a near perfect opinion statement and discussion paragraphs in order to pass. The second sentence is an unnecessary filler because the relevant writer's opinion was found in the last sentence of the paragraph.The only presentations missing were the reasoning topics basis.  
  
The reasoning paragraphs are underdeveloped as only one of the 2 discussion paragraphs directly relate to the writer's opinion. Scores will not be provided for the alternate reasoning discussion. This is a sad occurrence seeing as how the closing summary was well written in relation to the reverse paraphrase requirement.
## fertility rate in China And USA

  
  
The line graph illustrates how the fertility rate changed in two various countries over an 80-year period, starting from 1920.  
Overall, a gradual decrease was witnessed in the percentage of birth in China and the USA. It is noticeable that the proportion of fertility in the USA was the highest over most of the period.  
  
In 1920, the rate of fertility in the USA stood at over 22%, higher than 20% of China's birth rate. During the next 15 years, the percentage of birth in both China and the USA fluctuated prior to increasing to nearly 25% and 23% respectively. After falling to 5% and remaining stable, the proportion of birth in China saw a significant upwards to reach a peak of 15% in 1950. Similarly, the fertility rate of the USA declined to the lowest point of nearly 5% in 1954 but later rose to 25% during the period.  
  
In the next 50 years, a sudden downtrend of about 17% was seen in the birth rate of China before fluctuating between 3% and 4%. A similar pattern was seen in the percentage of birth in the USA, as it went down gradually to approximately 7% during most of the period.  
  
*
Never neglect to mention the specific starting and ending period of the measurement in the summary. The summary must refer to all the specific highlights as seen in the chart. Make sure that the short form is informative and clear to the point that the report will be a lengthened version only.  
  
The report could have been more detailed in terms of comparisons. There are 4 overlapping measurement points that the writer forgot to include in the reporting paragraphs. These minute details help increase the analytical scoring consideration of the essay.  
  
Information provided is sufficient to achieve a passing score though some deductions will still apply in relation to GRA criteria. Sentence perfection is the goal but a few small deductions due to simple errors in that section will not affect the final score too much. The overall presentation is oherive and oherent just the same.
## Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary SCHOOL

  
  
Nowadays, studying a foreign language is very necessary for everyone, especially children because the demand for languages is increasing day by day. It has many benefits for children to learn a foreign language from primary school like English but it also has some drawbacks if it is not suitable for children.  
  
On the one hand, studying a foreign language at primary school is very helpful for youngsters. If children study a foreign language when they are 6 or 8 years old, it will be easier to receive knowledge than to learn in secondary school. Besides, learning a foreign language early also helps children develop intelligence and improve their thinking ability. For example, many parents let their children learn English when youngsters study in elementary school because they believe that it will help children enhance reflex skills such as : reflect skills when speaking or writing. As a result, many students can communicate by English frequently and they can also use English as their mother tongue.  
  
On the other hand, there are some disadvantages of learning a foreign language too early. Firstly, studying a foreign language when children are underage will not bring a good result. Children can feel uncomfortable if they have to study a foreign language which they do not like and it can affect their mother tongue learning. Secondly, if young people study too much, they can lose a beautiful childhood. Currently, most parents just focus on the education of their children but they forget that they should consolidate spiritual life for youngsters.  
  
In conclusion, from the above-mentioned analysis, learning a foreign language at primary school has both upsides and downsides for children. In my opinion, teenagers should study any foreign languages to expand their knowledge
The prompt should accurately restate the original topic. Synonyms for references such as experts and their belief in language learning are scorable. Such discussion foundations do not exist in the writer depiction. The writer's opinion is also not clearly stated in the required sentence. He failed to provide a direct answer to the given question; do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?  
  
Though an opinion was stated, he did not pick one side of the discussion to represent in the reasoning paragraphs. This left the essay without the required single opinion response format. The writer did not provide a clear opinion on the given topic. This is not a comparative essay discussion and should not be discussed as such. The essay has failed to achieve the discussion requirements from the very start.
## us energy chart

  
  
The line graph illustrates the energy consumption by the fuel of the United States from 1980 to 2030.  
Overall, petrol and oil were consumed the most, and they have burgeoned from 1990 until 2030. Although coal was not used as much as petrol and oil, its development rate still increases from 1980 to now. The other fuels do not fluctuate too much, most of them were stably expended.  
  
Nuclear, solar/wind and hydropower remain below 15 quadrillions. Hydropower was expended at least, it fluctuated from 1980 to 2010 but after that, this fuel does not have many changes. Nuclear and solar/wind have little change before 2005, then they stay level of expending, finally, they have some sign of progress from 2025.  
  
Coal and natural gas are the second most common fuel. While coal rises every year, the development rate of natural gas is not volatile since 2015.  
  
Petrol and oil dropped to 30 quadrillions in 1985, however, it develops stably until now. In addition, petrol and oil increase quickly between 1995 and 2020. The highest consumption is predicted about 50 quadrillions in 2030.  
  
*
The trending statement is overdone. It is referencing the wrong trend as well. The trending projection should be indicative of the year 2030 trend since that is the last part of the comparison presentation. The year sequence "now" is also not right since the line graph measurements do not end in 2022. Measurement units should also be established in the summary overview.  
  
When writing a report or analysis, one must indicate the measurements as mentioned in the graph. A more appropriate analysis can only be achieved if proper numerical data is provided. General estimates do not accomplish the necessary reporting and analysis paragraphs. It makes the presentation less than informative. A clear comparison presentation must be established.  
  
As far as effective task 1 presentations go, this one does not effectively achieve the purposes required of the essay.
Hi, I am preparing for an internal school English language test, I would like your feedback about my essay. The rule is mentioned below:  
  
*Write an essay in an academic style in answer to the following question in between 150 and 250 words.  
## **What are the qualities that make a good leader?**

  
Include the following points in your essay:  
-a definition of a good or bad leader  
-situations where leadership is necessary  
-examples of effective leaders*  
  
Here is my answer:  
  
Leadership is important when running a company or working with a group of people. It can eventually lead to efficiency and high production of work. I believe a good leader has the characteristic of being able to unite people and give specific and good directions for the team to follow.  
  
Firstly, good leaders are able to unite their team because they understand the potential and skills of each member. They are able to give the right task to the suitable people. Although within a team, members may have different personalities, good leaders are able to communicate with them to prevent conflicts.  
  
Secondly, leaders who give good directions and instructions at important moments can help the team surpass difficulties. Take my own experience working as a nurse for example. During each shift, we will have a person who is named the leader of the shift. When an emergency situation comes, such as if a patient needed CPR, leaders will be the ones telling other members how to react. With good leadership, problems can be quickly solved, and members can be put in the right position to do their jobs without panicking and not knowing what to do.  
  
In conclusion, I believe a good leader unites the team members to work together and give clear and clever instructions when facing challenges and decisions.  
  
Thank you all for reading:)
There is no clear personal definition of leadership in this presentation. The definition should only cover one paragraph, rather than several. The spread out definition shows that the writer is not really familiar with the topic, requiring him to try and develop a response over several sentences and paragraphs.  
  
The situation where leadership is necessary uses a good reference point since it is based on personal experience. However, a more explanatory scenario could have been used to better respond to the prompt.  
  
A reference to the examples of effective leaders was committed in the presentation. The - discussion has created a discussion gap. This , is indicative of a rushed essay. It did not pass through proofreading which is why the error was not corrected before the essay was submitted.
Hello everyone,  
  
I hope you have a wonderful day and this is my first time upload an essay on this page, furthermore, Im going to have an Ielts test this Sunday so Im practicing my writing skills in order for me to get a higher band. So i need some advice and suggestion from everyone. Thank you.. :D  
  
**Topic:  
## The percentage of five kinds of books sold by a bookseller between 1972 and 2012.**:  
  
The pie chart illustrates the proportion of five different types of books sold on the market between 1972 and 2012. Looking from an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that adult fiction had the most revenue among five types, while biography had the lowest percentage in 1992 and 2012, except 1972, and travel had the smallest proportion of the book published.  
  
In 1972, the percentage of others was the highest, which was 25%, while adult fiction, children's fiction and biography had the same proportion of 20%, and travel had the lowest number of all five types, which was 15%. In 1992, others and biography declined with the same percentage ( dropped by 5%), and the figure of children, adult , and travel genres went up by 2%, 5%,and 3%, respectively.  
  
In 2012, adult fiction jumped to 45%, which is the highest among of all five types, children's fiction rose slightly to 25%, while others took a small dip to 12 %.Travel and biography books fell to 8% and 7%, respectively.(171 words)  
  
*
This is a 4 paragraph presentation. The paragraph number is dictated by the number of images for comparison reporting. One to two images needs only a 3 paragraph presentation. So this the of presentation would be judged as requiring more development.  
  
Identifying the number of images and indicating its data representation within the summary helps to create a concise overview of notable information. Lack of it prevents the reader from receiving a comprehensive run-down of the long report. The trending statement should be easier to keep track of if the trend can relate to image identifiers.  
  
There should be a more comprehensive report for each year via individual year paragraphs. By creating separate analysis paragraphs more in-depth comparison details that can increase the score can be presented.
Hello guys,  
  
This is my first essay on IELTS Writing Task 1. My last essay was about 5 years ago and I just re-starting my journey to take the IELTS test now. I really need your suggestion and your review, and I hope you want to do so. Thank you :)  
  
## percentage of households with electrical appliances

  
  
**Topic :**  
***The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019.***  
  
The changes in ownership of electrical appliances as well as the amount of time spent doing housework in one country is illustrates by the charts in the period of 1920 until 2019.  
  
During the period, refrigerator and vacuum cleaner have increased significantly while washing machine was fluctuating. Although the electrical appliances shows a greater growth by the time, the duration doing housework was going down and hit the shortest time in 2019.  
  
In 1920, the ownership of vacuum cleaner and washing machine shows a constant increase simultaneously compared to refrigerator. But the washing machine was fluctuating and slightly decrease in 1980, at the same time the vacuum cleaner constantly rise 10% per decades. The most rapid increment was hold by the refrigerator, which gain 55% ownership just in 20 years (from 1920 to 1940). All the households equip by vacuum cleaner and refrigerator in 2019, whereas the washing machines only get about 75%.  
  
The electrical appliances impact housework activity (such as washing clothes, preparing meals, and cleaning) become less longer almost in a century. It speed up the time about 30 hours from 1920 to get 20 hours per week in 1960. And finally in 2019, it only took around 10 hours per week to do the housework.  
  
*
While I can understand why the writer used a non-uniform summary presentation, it becomes useless when the required information and format are not correctly Lacking from the first paragraph are the number of images, identified image type, and at least 3 reference sentence The missing information plus the run-on sentence presentation ensures the essay will start with a failing preliminary / base score.  
  
There is a constant interchanging of time references throughout the reporting paragraphs. Confusion sets in because the writer jumps from present to past time indicators. It will result in another failing score within the GRA section ffor 2 reasons:  
  
1. Lack of grammar use knowledge in relation to tense usage  
2. Confusing reference patterns that negate the clarity of the report and the cohesiveness between paragraphs.  
  
Overall, the length of the essay does not help with the score distribution as the majority of points given will be in the failing range.
Hi, firstly, I am not professional so I just give some personal comments about your essay.  
  
Introduction: ...in one country is illustrated by the charts (you can use diagrams or illustrations) ~~in the period of 1920 until 2019~~  from.. to... (avoid the repetition below).  
  
During the period, (...) fluctuating. ~~Although the electrical appliances shows a greater growth by the time~~ (unnecessary), the duration doing ...  
  
In 1920, (...) But the washing machine ~~was fluctuating and slightly decrease~~ ( fluctuated and continue to decreased slightly) in 1980, ... cleaner constantly ~~rise~~  rose by10% per decade~~s~~. ..., which gained 55% ownership (...) the washing machines only got about 75%.  
  
The electrical (...) less longer ~~almost in~~ in almost a century. It ~~speed~~ sped up the time  ~~about~~  by 30 hours from 1920 to  ~~get~~ 20 hours ...  
  
Finally, it can be better if you define clearly the striking figure in the first chart such as data in the first and last year, the peak or bottom figure and try to reduce the number of words.  
  
I hope my comment can help you.