dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
I am not a contributor but I would like to give some of my thoughts on your essay.  
Firstly, I do not really see your second idea relevant to the topic given. The focus of the topic is on human health, not the environment, so your third paragraph must be a bit beside the point.  
  
Besides, you do not even attempt to paraphrase your thesis statement. It is inadvisable to copy the opinion given in your thesis statement, which implies that you have not achieved a high language proficiency.  
  
My suggestion: Although meat contains a high level of nutrition, I personally agree with the idea of a vegetarian and meat-free diet.  
The concluding sentence in the second paragraph sounds a bit negative to me. In most cases, it is not recommended to use extreme words like only, single, every, etc because they make your sentence "too" absolute. Try to modify it to make it sound more neutral.  
  
Your conclusion is a bit run-of-the-mill. You should have two sentences in your conclusion (most of the time).
On the contrary, you provided a wonderful restatement of the prompt. However, you are short in representation by one sentence. You also provided a direct response to the question, with your supporting reason indicated, which is acceptable as you will be considered to have outlined your response and discussion topics. With that said, you made an error in your discussion paragraphs.  
  
While you stayed on point, presenting reasons that support your claim (Good Work!) When you used the terms "On the one hand" and "On the other hand", the expectation is that you were going to present an opposing discussion in the second presentation. Which you did not do. Therefore, you should not have used those filler phrases in your paragraph.  
  
It is because of the miscommunication that could occur when using filler phrases that I always instruct my students to use topic sentences to start the reasoning paragraphs. By simply stating your opinion at the start, the examiner will see the continuity of your discussion and understand that you have a high level of English comprehension skills and discussion standards.  
  
By the way, you concluding paragraph, it should have 3-5 sentences in it. Not just one sentence, since that is a recap of the discussion, you should properly summarize your presentation in that final paragraph. Having 3-5 sentences in both your paraphrase and concluding paraphrase will help you increase your word count in a positive manner pertaining to the overall scoring consideration.
***Topic**:  
**Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world.**  
## Do you think this is a positive or negative development?*  
  
**Essay:**  
The vigorous explosion of globalization have laid the foundation for the free trade among nations whereby their citizens are capable of consuming parallel commodities. Although I agree that there are various drawbacks stemming from this development, they can be esclipsed by its benefits.  
  
On the one hand, there are a variety of advantages of product globalization. Firstly, it would foster the economic growth of those countries. This is because business freely allows goods which are redundant can be exported to others needing them. As a result, it enables companies in both countries reap more profit, and simultaneously it contribute to the national budget through export and import taxes. Secondly, customers would have options to purchase products having a higher quality and a more reasonable price. Indeed, domestic companies need to have their own strategies such as improving designs, diversifing products or reducing the price to have capability to complete with external corporations.Without product globalization, local companies tent to offer opposite policies reducing client's benefits.  
  
On the other hand, this is not to say that we can neglect disadvantages of this phenomanon. Admittedly, several domestic products would be liable to be disappeared when their customers value international items above other things. This is exemplified in a study undertaken by Vietnamese Economists. They indicated that about 35 Vietnamese cosmetic companies were ruined in 2018 bacause of their limitted competitive ability with other products from Korea, Japan and the UK. Moreover, it leads to business freely of some low quality products causing hazards to customer's health. For example, formula branch in China were banned to be exported by other countries after detecting a toxic product endangering the brain. Nonetheless, I strongly believe that the benefit of product globalization is more considerable in comparision with its drawbacks especially in current market-oriented market.  
  
After discussing all the points mentioned above, I can finally conclude that globalization brings in various positives, and it utterly can overweigh its negatives. Thus, both government and individuals should have futher consideration in favour of this trend.
There are three main errors in your essay. The first, is in the paraphrase, you mistook the positive and negative discussion for an advantage v drawbacks discussion. It is just a mere word choice error but you should have known that there is a difference between the discussion instructions:  
  
Positive - a good quality or characteristic.  
Negative - a bad quality or characteristic  
  
Drawbacks - a hindrance or disadvantage; an undesirable or objectionable feature.  
Benefits - something that is advantageous or good; an advantage:  
  
As you can see, you changed the discussion requirements by changing the word choice rather than synonyms in your essay. When writing your practice test, while you still have the chance, you should look up the meaning of the words that seem unfamiliar to you. Using the wrong words shows that you do not understand what the discussion requirements are. In this case, the essay is asking you to consider the positive and negative effects of uniform consumerism. That means, look into whether it is a good or bad thing for the economy, culture, or economic standing of a country. Pick one of the three to discuss in your 2 reasoning paragraph.  
  
The second error, has to do with your concluding presentation. The essay is not asking you for an opinion. Do not present an opinion when it is not required. You have totally changed the discussion requirements and as such, you may have a hard time getting a passing score with this essay. it all has to do with your lack of understanding in relation to the keywords and instructions provided.  
  
The third error, is how you failed to focus the response on a single discussion point of view. That means, you should not be presenting a comparative essay in a single opinion discussion. The two reasoning paragraphs need to have connected reasons that strongly highlight your response to the question. It should not be a non-committal response comparing two sides because you are scored on the clarity of your presentation and the clear opinion you are presenting in the discussion. Fail to provide those 2 requirements and it will become increasingly difficult to get a passing score.  
  
**PS.** You should also work on writing 3-sentences per paragraph. Those are the minimum and maximum sentence requirements per paragraph. Your opening and closing paragraphs are both just run-on sentences that make it difficult to follow the flow of thought in those paragraphs. You need to understand, you cannot write 336 words in a 40 minute task. You need to allot time to edit and finalize your work. Try not to write between 275-290 words. That is the ideal word count for this task. It assures you of the best possible score, provided you properly responded to the prompt.
## iELTS TASK2: SHOPPING ONLINE

  
  
***Topic:*** Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular.  
Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?  
  
Nowadays, the fact that things such as book, air tickets and groceries can be purchased on the Internet is gradually becoming more popular than ever. In my opinion, shopping in this way do not bring about benefits that can outweigh its drawbacks.  
  
On the one hand, shopping online is very convenient for everyone, especially office workers who do not have much time to spend on wandering in the supermarkets or anywhere else. With the development of technologies, we now can order anything we need on the Internet and the salers will have shippers to take what you buy right away to your place. For example, in the COVID-19 period and people are in isolation, we can not go out to buy food or groceries, then shopping online is probably the way for us to survive through this term. Therefore, it is a good new trend to go shopping online at this time.  
  
On the other hand, what you buy online are usually not as good as you expected. 75% of the received products do not meet the standards that the real ones have. For personal reasons, uncertain shops deceive us with their goods' perfect images which will make online shoppers irreluctant to buy them. For instance, there are many hilarious posts on Facebook of people who have bought uncertificated stuffs and it results in dissappointment and waste of time and money. On account of this fact, shopping online despite being a good trend is still a such a new part of lifestyle that hardly can we adapt to before the government makes any laws against scams and Internet criminals.  
  
In a nutshell, shopping online's disadvantages cannot outweigh its advantages at this time due to some proper reasons but one day, it will.  
  
(292 words)  
  
I'm very appreciate if you can help me score this essay <3
As you wish, I will be reviewing your essay based on the scoring requirements. Let's get started.  
  
TA: 5 - You have a formatting error in your presentation. While you did provide a clear opinion in the prompt paraphrase, you failed to properly discuss the essay. Since you were being asked to choose one opinion to defend in the essay, you should have presented a 2 paragraph discussion that would have highlighted how the so called advantages would have really been disadvantages:  
  
- Benefit topic  
- Benefit reason  
- Counter argument  
- Example  
- Supporting reason  
  
That is the format you should have used for both reasoning paragraphs as it shows the extent of the actual disadvantage of the given topic as opposed to a comparative discussion for a benefit and drawback. This is a single opinion essay after all.  
  
C&C: 6 - based on your given discussions, although you did not use a more appropriate discussion method, your explanations are clear and well connected. You were able to use cohesive devices effectively and you managed to be clear about each opinion that the paragraph represented.  
  
LR: 6 - The vocabulary you use, although not perfect were suitable for the discussion. Although somewhat relaxed for a formal academic essay, you still showed an acceptable vocabulary range.  
  
GRA: 6 - Your grammar is not perfect but your explanations can be easily understood. You were able to avoid the use of run on sentences. Your essay carries an acceptable mix of complex and simple sentences.  
  
Save for the incorrect format for the discussion, your presentation could be considered acceptable. You did well on the individual scoring considerations because you focused on the proper delivery of the vocabulary and clarity of sentences. You did not simply type to make the essay long. You truly concentrated on delivering an essay that you felt met all the prompt requirements. That is why I am sad that a mere technicality, the formatting of the presentation, is what pulled down your score.  
  
Possible Overall Rating: 5.5 - 6
Hi,  
  
This is a good essay. The improvement can start with grammar. You can probably avoid some **silly slips** such as *"the fact that things such as book"* (general info - plural), *"shopping in this way do not"* (S-V agreement), *"salers will have shippers"* (no future tense), *"in the COVID-19 period and"* (no verb), *"people who have bought uncertificated stuffs and it results in"* (all in past tense), *"hardly can we adapt"* (word order), etc. This could ensure your GRA band does not go below 5.  
  
Best,
**Please give this analysis some comments. Thank you so much!  
  
## IELTS TASK 1 - INTERNAL INVESTIGATION**  
  
The bar chart given provides information on investigation of five different organisations distributed into four categories, machinery, building, research, and staff training.  
  
Regarding investigated share, Organisation A spends the majority of its budget for human resources while the others prioritise their expenditures for non-human purposes. In Organisation B, there are marked differentials in the statistics, especially between those of infrastructure and hardware.  
  
Organisation A spends most on training programmes for its employees at €1 billion, creating a noticeable gap of approximately €0.5 billion to its lowest figure, i.e. that of building. This is specifically in contrast to the priority observed in Organisation B who intensively distributes over €1.6 billion for infrastructure upgrading. Otherwise, machinery and research receive equal capital distribution implemented by Organisation C, standing at roughly €0.7 billion.  
  
Around €1.7 billion is invested by Organisation B to develop its internal building, accounting for the largest investigation carried out by the institute. This is followed by its research activities whose corresponding value is just €100 thousand lower. In contrast, hardware takes the bottom position on the graph plotted for the organisation, at about €1.3 billion.  
  
*   
*Question*
**NOTE: Please be reminded that student scoring on any essay will result in your account suspension. Scoring of essays is only done by Contributors. Your account is now flagged for suspension because you offered student scoring in a previous essay.**  
  
I am not sure why you used the term "investigated" in this essay. The term offered in the original presentation is "invested", which does not mean the same thing as "investigated". To be clear:  
  
*Investigated - to search out and examine the particulars of in an attempt to learn the facts about something hidden, unique, or complex, especially in an attempt to find a motive, cause, or culprit:  
  
Invested - to put (money) to use, by purchase or expenditure, in something offering potential profitable returns, as interest, income, or appreciation in value.*  
  
There was no crime committed here. There was no investigation implied in the original prompt. Your word usage totally changed the topic for discussion, causing a prompt deviation in the paraphrase.  
  
What is obvious from this word usage error is that you are not as familiar as you think you are with the English language. You should never make such serious vocabulary errors as these errors will not only change the purpose of the data you are submitting, it will also show a lack of understanding of the instructions provided. English comprehension is important. You should not use words you are not familiar with. You don't have to keep trying to impress the examiner with your word knowledge if you are not truly familiar with advanced English words. Keep it simple and natural to avoid possible LR and GRA errors.  
  
There are no investigated shares in the data, only invested shares. This error could mean the full failure of your essay as you are misleading the reader through the use of erroneous words in the essay. I do not believe this essay will achieve a passing score because it will lose up to 50% of the score due to your word choice error.  
  
Your summary overview does not refer to the measurement type used in the essay. You also failed to give a run-down of the categories being presented by the investment shares. So your overall presentation is not only misinforming the reader, it is also not providing complete information.  
  
Although there is no indication of a time reference in the essay, you should use past tense instead of present tense references in the essay. That is because the description of the graph implies that the money has already been invested by these organizations. So you are doing a hindsight report, not a current report.  
  
Work on your vocabulary skills. That seems to be your weakest point and, oftentimes, exam takers fail the test because of vocabulary problems in their essay presentations. Your English may sound fluent on paper, but your word choices when writing are seriously problematic and could cause serious problems for your score in an actual test. By the way, i.e. is a Latin word meaning *id est* (that is) , it should not be used in an English essay exam. Use English terms only. If you ever take a Latin language test, then you can use i.e. in your presentation.
## Changes in percentages of population

  
  
**The bar chart below gives information about the percentage of the population living in urban areas in different parts of the world. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
The bar charts compare the ratio of the population in the urban region around the world in the years 1950, 2007 and 2050.  
  
Overall, all trends of the population in cities from different continents experienced gradual declining growth throughout the period.  
  
In 1950 the percentages of Africa, Asia, and Latin America/Caribbean are only 15%, 17%, and 42% separately. Latin America/Caribbean showed the highest upward trend among others, which increased by 34% between 1950 and 2007. However, the ratios of Africa and Asia are predicted that there would be the same growth of 25% in both continents exceeding Latin America/Caribbean, which will be only 13% in 2050.  
  
Europe's percentage was the lowest compared to North America and Oceania in 1950. Nonetheless, it outpaced Oceania (71%) and reached 72% dramatically in 2007. It is also projected that this lead will keep remaining to the end of the period. Meanwhile, North America illustrated the highest percentage 64% and 79% among others in 1950 and 2007 respectively. It is even anticipated that it will hit the highest point in the world in 2050.  
  
**Hello Mr. Holt I wrote my Task 1 again with another topic. This time I did not write more than 190 words as you mentioned in the comment last time. Hope this time I could know what brand I might be able to score in Task 1. Besides, please let me know which part of my essay is my weakness. Then I could keep improving my writing skills. Thank you very much.**  
  
*
Since you want to know what kind of score you might get, I'll give you an individual scoring breakdown. That way you can see where your strong points and weak points are. You should be able to better focus your writing lessons based on these approximate scores for each scoring section.  
  
TA: 4 - You did not cover all of the required information in the overview paragraph. That is what is scored in this section. You need to make sure that you represent not only the topic and image type. You should also represent the measurement type and offer a listing of the urban areas measured.  
  
C&C: 6 - You arranged the data presentation in an easy to follow manner. However, your sentence idea connections within the paragraph are a bit problematic. you need to improve your referencing presentation in the paragraphs.  
  
LR: 5 - Your vocabulary is simple enough to get your message across. You should work on increasing the complexity of your English vocabulary. Try to read the business section of the newspapers so that you can get a better feel for the words used in data reporting and how to properly format these sentence presentations in relation to word usage. Avoid redundancies such as "keep remaining". These words mean the same thing which is "to stay unchanged".  
  
GRA: 6 - Even as you make sentence structure errors and your word usage is at times faulty, it does not create a problem for the reader. You can still be understood clearly, even if the sentence is only read once. However, that does not mean that you should ignore your problems in this section. You should still work on improving your sentence structure skills to help increase your overall score. By reading the business section as I suggested, you should be able to improve your GRA score in relation to the Task 1 requirements.  
  
There are several problems existing in this writing. I have not referred to those parts because the scoring I gave already covers majority of those errors. You will be able to improve and correct those errors as long as you apply the training I am suggesting above.
Hi,  
  
I just want to give some more contribution for the overview only, aka. "Overall, all trends of the population in cities from different continents experienced gradual declining growth throughout the period". First, the sentence is neither clear nor correct in terms of the data presented in the graph. This definitely leads to lower than 5 for TA. Second, a part of this period is in a future projection but you referred the whole in past tense. For me, you should divide the sentence into two parts, one for the past and one for the future. This makes more sense regarding grammar. Finally, your word choice was inappropriate as you used "declining growth". They convey totally opposite meanings.  
  
Best,  
Tutela
## Wasting money on unnecessary items

  
  
Although without a good reason people buy the new product and change their existing working products. As we are aware humans are greedy and intelligent. Now here the question is , Is this human nature? Definitely it relies on different types of people and circumstances.  
  
However, humans have Intelligence nature , perhaps without any reason he brought unnecessarily product and it is called a 'mind trap'. Because at the time of shopping, First we verify the product what new comes in the market and at times we are not supposed to buy it. But certainly the product has magnetic, attractive advanced features compared to the user has an existing one. Now the mind goes in switch off mode and born an unnecessary desire to buy it. it seems to be; Offers , Discounts play a massive role in sales. Earlier sales and discounts came only during festival time , thereby people get a chance to buy the products which they want to purchase at low prices and certainly fastival period is the correct time to save money but today every product manufacturing company wants to sell their product ,so they sell at unbelievably low price. Mostly seles art take a huge role in buying non-essential items. As we are aware sometimes salespeople give advice about the product features and also suggest to you the benefits of the product in your life, how it makes an easy life, if we have sufficient amount in our pocket , we easily fall in the salesperson entrap and buy un-needful items. After discussing these things we are just thinking about traps and useless items but on the other hand sometimes it is giving us pleasure of profit.  
  
To Begin with, the festival discounts give us a chance to buy low price products , save some money , pleasure and some happiness. Most people believe to use the new product till 2 to 3 years and after that just replace or sell it and buy the new technology of the product. New products give users a rich feeling of status. like a new car, a house and provide us a social status of impression. Buying a new product ,giving indirect contribution in Country GDP and helps to generate economic growth. Which improves the country's development rate.  
  
Conclusion : - My personal point is do not buy unnecessary items till you really need it, otherwise if we sit and calculate the throughout year non-essential money wasted we will get socked. Thereby on an average people spend throughout the year 20 to 30 percent of their earnings in non-needful things and in spite of spending unwanted products , if we save that money in the bank it gives us a good interest of the amount at the end of the year. which helps in self growth.