Hi, I think your introduction could have been more clear. This is a two part prompt, so your thesis statement needs to have two parts - 1. the problems people face in cities 2. your opinion on encouraging people to move to small towns. I think you did address both of these, but it could have been more clear and better organized.  
  
I think your body paragraphs were organized better, with one paragraph giving the problems and the second showing why you support encouraging migration. You did have a lot of small grammar errors. Most importantly, please please put a space after every period - it makes your essay quite hard to read without them and it is such an easy correction to make. Also, always capitalize the word "I". And finally, watch out for your run-on sentences. In several places I have shown you where to begin new sentences. Here are some specific suggestions:  
  
... problems in their [everyday lives]. What are these problems ?Should [governments] encourage people ...regional [towns]?  
  
... leads to many problems[. That is] why[ I] think [governments] should take ... cities ~~be~~ more livable. {The prompt says nothing about making cities more livable. In the intro, only address statements and questions made in the prompt.} Encouraging ... to small regional towns  
  
...As we all know, ~~that~~ cities' citizens  
  
... noise pollution which directly affect ~~directly to~~  their health ... ... caused by traffic jam for getting sleepy {this is confusing - are traffic jams causing drivers to get sleepy? In any case, this seems too specific of a problem}  
  
...People also find [it] hard to get a job in [cities] and as we can ... who are unemployed [engaging] in criminal ... way of making [money. This] poses a threat ...  
  
...Moreover living in urban [areas] is not cheap at [all. It is] difficult for people with low [salaries] or no job ... utility [bills. As] a result, ... and outhouses[, or] even ... People who have jobs are also not ... hard under [constant] pressure due ...  
  
For all[the above reasons I] have just mentioned,  
  
...encouraged to move to rural areas.When people scatter {"scatter" has a negative connotation and so is not suitable in this positive context} to rural area properly, [various problems will] be solved such as traffic [jams,] which ... not having to [crowd] on the ... pollution [that leads] to better citizen's health, {in your sentence it sounds like you are saying traffic jams reduce stress and that pollution leads to better health} [Lacking a job will also be solved] because there [is enough work] for people in certain areas and more ... can be solved.  
  
...They also should use propaganda {"propaganda" has a negative connotation and should not be use in this positive context - maybe "advertising" or "publicity campaigns"} to let people ... such as[its peacefulness and that it ] is good ... {don't use ellipses like this in formal essays} or help [them] understand why these areas are not developed because of [a shortage of skilled labor.] Finally ... will ~~get~~ [benefit]. {this is not a proper conclusion. "Finally" should not be used to introduce a conclusion - it is used for your final reason}