dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Nurul, you will have to be careful about plagiarizing content in you summary. I caught a few cut and paste bits of information in your summary that were taken directly from the article. You did not bother to restate the information at all. This could cause a problem for you in an actual test because you are expected to produce your own interpretation of the information provided. The examiner will know if you wrote the material or not. Though you cannot cut and paste in the actual test, you can still copy the text and retype it. Please, be very careful. Always make sure that you compose an original thought or understanding of all the given information. The more I read your summary, the more I am convinced that you did not even try to create your own understanding for a major part of the summary. It is nice to know though, that you have the ability to pick out the most important information in the article for presentation in your paper. You just need to find your own voice so that you can effectively present your understanding of the information to the reader. I am sure you won't make that mistake again now that it has been pointed out to you.
Dakatua, Pago, Billy Mitchell were volcanoes in Papua New Guinea which produced the biggest eruptions in the past and stood at VEI 5. Not only both of them, but also some volcanoes such as Rabaul, Tavui, Ulawun, Lolobau, Lamington, Karkar, Manam and Long Island which produce the second largest of eruptions and reached by VEI 4 in few millennia ago. For information, VEI is Volcanic Explosivity Index and the function of VEI is measuring the size of an eruption. It means that Papua New Guinea hides several of the most dangerous volcanoes on our planet. That's why inhabitants in there should be reminders about the most hazardous threats and the worse possibility if one of the volcanoes in there is eruption. Not only for the citizens in there, but also this warning for people in the world which is the chance of massive eruption that could be have a worldwide impact.  
  
source: wired
Dioba, will you consider adding some information to this essay for its informative improvement? While the summary is sufficient, the only way to prove your claims about the most dangerous volcanoes existing in Papua New Guinea is to also provide information about the immediate effects of the explosion. Just mentioning the height and range of the explosions would further improve the content of your summary. You should have done that because you made mention of the Volcanic Explosivity Index which is tasked to measure the eruptions. What was the use of mentioning that index when you did not mention the measurements of the eruptions when you listed the volcanoes in the country? Make sure that when you write your summaries, that you double check your information to match all of the important data included. In this case, the measurements should have accompanied the index.
hi dio, these are my thought towards your summary  
  
firstly, it would be better if you add some more information here.  
  
... and Long Island which produced the second largest of eruptions and (the rate) reached by...  
  
For (addition) information, VEI is...  
  
~~That's~~That is why Papua's inhabitants ~~in there~~ should be ~~reminders~~reminded about the most hazardous threat~~s~~ and the worse possibility if one of ~~the~~ those volcanoes ~~in there~~~~is~~ eruptions .  
  
Not only for the local citizens ~~in there~~ , but also this becomea warning for people ~~in the~~around the world which is ...  
  
thankyou and good luck
Hi Dioba, here is some suggestions for you  
  
... in Papua New Guinea which ~~produced~~produces (since it is a fact, you need to present it in simple present time tense) the biggest eruptions in ...  
  
~~It means~~based on what is presented above, we may conclude that Papua New Guinea hides several of the ...  
... there should be ~~reminders~~wary regarding this issue as it is about the most hazardous...  
  
Best Regards
**Nowadays children prefer electronic games to other games and toys. Why is it happening? Is it a positive or a negative development?**  
  
It is true that today electronic games are more preferable among children compared to other sorts of games. There could be several reasons for this, and I consider it to be a negative trend.  
  
Electronic games have become more widespread among children for two main reasons. Firstly, the variety and diversity that electronic-based games provide. All other games are often made for one purpose which makes children find them boring after a short time, while one electronic device might contain tens of different games. For instance, there are a countless number of games can be played on a console. The second reason is that electronic games are by far more accessible than other kinds of games. A child today can easily download any game he wants from the internet, or buy the games' CDs which can be found in any bookshop or supermarket.  
  
In my view, playing electronic games might have undesirable consequences on children's health and social life. From the healthcare perspective, those who are playing much electronic games are likely to be overweight. As a result of lack of movement in most of these games in which the child sits in front of screens for hours, there would be a chance to gain obesity. On the societal level, children are going to become more lonely and isolated. Because digital games are often played in private places, while other games such as football are played in teams where the child can meet and interact with others; therefore, become more sociable  
  
In conclusion, electronic games are preferred by children for a number of factors, and I believe that this development has negative effects.
hi these are my thought towards your essay  
  
... or buy the **games' CDs**(CD games) which can be found in ~~any~~ bookshops or supermarkets .  
... lack of movement ~~in~~as most of these games ~~in which~~, the child sits in front of screen~~s~~ for hours, there would ...  
... more lonely and isolated~~.~~,~~B~~b ecause digital.  
  
overall, it is a good essay, and i think it would be better if you put also (a) suggestion on your conclusion.  
  
thank you and good luck
The owner of a legendary gudeg (one of traditional food from Yogyakarta which contains with palm sugar and coconut milk) store in Yogyakarta, Djuhariah "Yu Djum", passed away on Monday, November 14, 2016. She was undergo for three days before passing away at Bethesda hospital in Yogyakarta. Yu Djum's boday was taken to her house and she will be buried on Tuesday, November 15, 2016. Yu Djum's gudeg is famous for its fans since the taste is delicious and the traditional cooking basis. Many citizens have sent their sympathy regarding Yu Djum's passing, including Indonesian culinary masters.  
  
thejakartapost
Mohamed, let's get some of your error information clarified here. For starters, the body of Yu Djum was not taken home. According to the report that was in the newspaper, her body was taken to a funeral home. That is a place where dead bodies are prepared for interment. It is not to be confused with the home of the deceased. I am guessing that the word HOME in the report is that made you think that she was brought to the place where she lived instead of the place where she was to be brought in preparation for burial. Next. The term is BODY and not BODAY. I think your fingers typed faster than your brain could spell in this instance. That normally happens when one is typing in a rush. Remember to double check your spelling before you submit your essay. These simple mistakes could spell the difference between passing and failing this section of the test. The rest of the essay adheres and properly represents the remaining important information in the essay though. So you did not do too bad in developing the summary essay.
**TED Summary : The World's English Mania**  
  
In this TED video, the speaker opened his speech with mania. Many societies have their own craziness activities, for example mania on music, education, and other things. However, the most noticeable mania base on this speaker is about English mania. It is because English become predominated language in the world and about a billion people use this linguistic. Finally, English appeared to be true as the global conversation since most of people think that it is represented hope for the better life in the future.
Muhamad, where is the link to the video? It seems that you wrote a summary which does not really pay attention to any major details, points of discussion, or information from the essay other than what you chose to present. Perhaps that is because it was easiest for you to remember this generic information? Your essay is definitely lacking some data that could have helped to make this summary more informative. In terms of your use of the English language though, you are showing an intermediate ability to inform people in English. You are coherent where it counts and you have managed to present your summary in what would seem like a proper progression. That does not erase the fact that your summary is only 4 sentences long which, by all accounts, is too short for this to be considered a truly informative summary statement.
**Food made from natural gas will soon feed farm animals - and us**  
  
In the meantime, a biotechnology company called Calysta, based in Menlo Park, California, introduces an alternative food for animals from natural gas, methane. By using a bacterium called Methylococcus capsulatus. The bacteria are grown in vats, fed methane, and are then dried and turned into pellets. According to Alan Shaw, the head of Calysta, this invention will be also implemented for humans' need. This idea occurs because consideration of greenhouse gas has a dangerous level where using fossil fuels as an energy source as opposed to sunlight is not very environmentally sound. Therefore, in theory, carbon emissions could be remarkably dropped by using methane from a renewable source, such as bio-gas from farm waste or landfill sites. We can imagine that no either animals or trees have to be dead because of daily consumption of human. The result of report concluded that Calysta's feed has tiny water and use of land compared with all the other ways of manufacturing feeds. (160 words)
Hi Ibe, here is some suggestion for you  
  
By using a bacterium called Methylococcus capsulatus. **It's fragment. it need one independent clause to form a sentence**  
  
... vats, fed methane, ~~and are~~ then dried and turned into pellets. you may use 'as well' to vary 'and'  
  
... greenhouse gas has been in a dangerous level ...  
... or trees have to be dead ~~because of~~due to daily consumption of human.  
  
Best Regards
Nowadays, education is the key point of every aspect, therefore the responsibility of people who work in educational major is commonly put to discussion. In my opinion, a teacher has a significant role in the study progress of a student. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.  
  
First of all, teacher ensures all the students reach the goals of the lessons, which is the fundamental purpose of studying. Each student has their own level of comprehension, their own strength and weakness on various subjects. Because of these differences, students are hardly approach all important content without the assistance of a teacher. You can easily see this situation in any classes. In a class of a specific subject, for example Math, there are likely to be two groups. Group one contains students who are prompt and sensible in solving equations. They are energetic in class and excited to spend more time in solving Math problems. However, students from group two have difficulties in absorbing the lessons and are frustrated in studying Math problems. Therefore, the teacher will help group one advance their knowledge and explore more from the material while using the appropriate methods to guarantee group two to thoroughly learn the material. The teacher comes out to be the intermediate element between the lessons and the students.  
  
Secondly, teacher helps the students stay focus and prevent them from distraction, which are things young people usually struggle with. Students commonly get distracted by minor factors presenting in daily life such as smartphones, social networking websites and entertainment activities. They not only interrupt the studying progress but also make the students spend much time which is supposed to be invested in learning. As I mentioned above, there are two opposite groups that exist in Math class. Students from group two are more easily distracted than group one. Beside helping them learn the material, teacher also monitors them in order to assure they focus on the lessons, finish their tasks and do not do irrelevant things while studying. As a result, the studying progress with the presence of the teacher becomes more effective.  
  
In conclusion, I strongly agree that the teacher's responsibility is important for the students to comprehend the material. This is because the teacher helps the students approach the goals of the lessons and eliminates factors that distract the students from studying.
Kinnie, without knowing the actual prompt that you are trying to answer, I still found myself highly impressed by the essay that you wrote. I found your argument to be logical , cohesive and with a clear line of thought progression. I am just worried though that you might have missed out on discussing both sides of the issue as is often required in these sorts of essays. There are just one or two points that I believe should be called to your attention as those parts have a direct effect on the way your essay would be scored. Is there any chance you can upload the prompt so that I can rest my fears about that aspect of your writing?  
  
In your paragraph about the teachers needing to prevent the distractions that affect the students, I am not sure why you had to circle back to the Math example. Normally, you should strive to present at least 2 examples in the essay. That is, 2 different examples. Now, in the classroom and during tutorial sessions, the students are made to put away their gadgets. So how exactly is the teacher supposed to prevent distraction during this learning process?  
  
You have shown a great deal of ability in expressing your thoughts in the written English word. If you can supply the prompt requirement, I am sure that I will be able to offer more advice regarding your writing improvement.
@Holt  
Holt, I am really sorry that I forget to supply the prompt. Here is the requirement of the task:  
**Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?  
It is the teacher's responsibility to make a student learn the material.  
Use specific details and examples to support your answer.**  
I sincerely appreciate your comments on my essay. I am working on TOEFL writing section to improve my score so your advice is truly valuable to me.  
  
Thank you.
Hi kinnie,  
here are some suggestions to improve this piece of writing:  
- You can easily see this situation in any classes.  
it would be better if you write: This situation can be easily seen in classes. (try to avoid personal pronouns in academic writing)  
- In a class of a specific subject; math, for example, (you shouldn't capitalise the word math )  
- Secondly, teacher helps ~~the~~ students to stay focus ....  
( the state here is about students in general, so there is no need of the article the )  
  
... the teacher helps ~~the~~ students to approach the goals of ~~the~~ lessons and (...) that distract ~~the~~ students from studying.  
- and finally, always keep an empty line between paragraphs,  
  
Keep writing :)
Kinnie, in order to make your argument even stronger in this essay, you should have taken the time to present the opposing statement. This is a statement that you could have made in the opening paragraph of your essay. The reason that you need to present an opposing side in this type of discussion is because you need to show a balance of information in the written work. That means that, while you represent one side of the story, you should also be able to provide a discussion regarding the reasons why some people have an opposing point of view. When you present a balanced look at the discussion, you show the reviewer that you have the ability to think logically in English and that you have a clear understanding of the topic, not necessarily the prompt, that you are being asked to discuss. Doing so would further increase your chances of getting an increased score in the end.
To response the result of USA president election, Obama said that most of America society exultant and a lot of Americans more less so. Obama said that Americans are hard to be reconciling with the new situation and a lot of protesters breaking out against to the president elect in the several cities across America.  
  
In Boston, Chicago and Washington DC; in Portland, Oregon and Austin, Texas and Donald,s trump house, New York City, many demonstrants are taking the streets to condemn the president elect. According to the demonstrant trump is the racist president. The demosntrants fill the several streets in the number of america cities. They recite chanting like ("go away president racist"), ("f\*\*k you wall") and more chants. Not only that but also many protesters do the anarchism in the streets. Based on the chanting total of demonstrants is 20,000. They have schedule to protest in the street on November 10th and in the weekend. On the other hand The Number of Americans were shocked and appalled with the election outcome, because many people predict that Clinton will be the winner in the USA president election.  
  
source: economist
**Why Brexit happened.**  
  
Ted speaker said that Brexit phenomenon is the good decision to Britain societies to face more problem caused by globalisation. This phenomenon gives big impact to the Europe, because it is not about politic, but more that, Brexit phenomenon are engaging many things around the world such as education, trade, and social. The speaker said, It Is not about right and life but to serve British societies from crisis globalisation and it is about tax, economy and politic. There are two facts that speaker tell, the first is degree of immigration and refugee always increase every year. They come from more countries the world. This phenomenon will leads Britain to the bad impact. It is not about tolerance, open society, and inclusive but it is to keep nationalism from negative globalisation effect. Based on speaker experience they find out that British people completely open and tolerance. Overtime, Globalisation and immigrant can be vanishing their culture and all of the aspects such as language, behaviour and education. The second fact is Liberalism international will threaten the nationalism of Britain civil. The New way of globalisation cause open liberal people in the Britain therefore government should give protection to keep and manage the globalisation. Britain believe that this policy will reduce the Immigrant, refugee and can manage globalisation effectively. Brexit will divide among civil life, culture ,education, and globalisation.
Hi Bambang, I was just wondering, who was the speaker at the forum? I mean, I know who the speaker is because I watched the video. But if you are presenting this information to a person who doesn't have access to the video and can only read your summary of the talk, you will leave that person wondering about who the speaker is, what his background is that makes him an authority to discuss the Brexit vote, along with the where and why he was invited to give this lecture. You gave some pretty simple overviews of the information from the video. I wish you had developed the explanations with at least 2 sentences more for each. Just so that you could have enlightened the reader a bit more about the topics covered during the video talk. Not a bad summary though. I know you will continue to improve your summary skills as you progress with your practices.
Hi Bambang,  
  
I think that you forgot something that matters in a summary. You forgot to mention WHO the speaker is. It might look simple but a summary cannot be considered a summary if it gives unclear information, particularly the most important one. Also, your essay has major errors in grammatical range and accuracy. This is actually one of the essential criteria that might help you to increase your score in IELTS writing later on.  
  
These are the list of the most noticeable errors on your summary:  
- ...because it is not about politics , but more than that, Brexit phenomenon ~~are~~is ... (try to look back to the beginning of the sentence, "..phenomenon gives.." Why make it plural if it was previously singular?)  
  
- This phenomenon will ~~leads~~lead Britain to ~~the~~experience/feel/have/take the bad impact. (is "bad impact" the appropriate phrase?)  
- Globalisation and immigrant can ~~be vanishing~~lose their culture and all of the important aspects such as ...  
- Britain believeS that this...  
- Brexit will divide people into~~among~~ civil life, culture, education, and globalisation.  
  
Hope this helps :)
Every conversation has a potential way to develop an argument and trivial issues. Based on research, more than ten thousands of the United States adults more polarize and more individual. The common problem is each conversation requires a balance between talking and listening, but some of us lose that balance. Moreover, one-third of American adults are more likely to send thousands of text each day, most of them more prefer to text their friends rather than face to face with their peers. Celeste Headlee, as a TED speaker, talks to wide range of people in her life such as kindergarten teacher, truck driver, billionaire and Noble prize winner. She also says that several advices to make greatest conversation such as eye contact, think about interesting topic and look a note are the crap suggestions. To solve about the problems, Celeste gives some suggestions based on her regular life. Firstly, do not multitasking when you are in a conversation, it means that be present in that moment. Secondly is do not pontificate and close any opportunity of respond.
Hi Dioba,  
  
... develop an argument and ~~trivial~~big, burning, central, critical, crucial, important, key, main, major, vital | wider | minor, side | basic, fundamental | real | contentious, controversial, difficult, thorny | complex | live, unresolved | domestic, global, international, local, national, regional | commercial, constitutional, economic, educational, environmental, ethical, health, moral, policy, political, social, technical, theoretical issues. (apart from other adjectives, "trivial" cannot be collocated with "issue")  
  
- ... than ten thousands of ~~the United States~~American adults / adults in the United Statesare more polarize ...  
- The ~~common~~main problem is that~~each conversation requires ...~~some people fail to have an equal proportion between listening and talking.  
- ... most of them ~~more~~ prefer to text their friends rather than ~~face to face with their peers~~meet them face-to-face/directly/personally.  
- Celeste Headlee, ~~as~~ a TED speaker, talks to ~~wide range~~various types of audience ranging from~~of people in her life such as~~ kindergarten teacher, truck driver, billionaire ~~and~~to Noble prize winner.  
  
- She also says that ~~several advices~~some tips/advice to make ~~greatest~~fascinating conversation such as...  
  
Overall, I can notice that collocation and grammatical range become your major errors. By considering the above-mentioned feedback, I hope that you can gain some improvements later on.