dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
TOPIC:  
***Human activity has had a negative impact on plants and animals around the world. Some people think that this cannot be changed, while others believe actions can be taken to bring about a change.***  
  
## Discuss both views and give our opinion.

  
  
Environmental pollution and its solution are a problem that is concerned by the general public. There are many factors affecting the environment such as natural disasters, .. human activity is one of the factors that have the greatest impact. Some believe that the impact of these activities can be improved, while others find it really difficult to change. Both points of view above, I believe, have convincing justifications with the preference to the latter over the former.  
  
From a perspective, there are some people who think is very difficult to find ways that can be altered influence from human activities on the environment. That means the change depends on the perceptions of each individual because people are the most important factor and have the ability to decide everything. For example, governments around the world have issued regulations banning indiscriminate littering and require everyone to comply. In fact, the percentage of people who complied is less than the percentage who broke the law that is impossible to improve the environment. In addition, it also depended on the current state of government organization, the economy, education, etc... of each country. You can see when a country has a developed economy, companies can use a modern machine to waste treatment are not suitable for an undeveloped country.  
  
On the other hand, some people believe that we can together create activities alternative and reduced influence on the environment. Because when we do it together, that helps to change the minds of many others, making them conscious in protecting the environment it's almost like the meaning of the proverb "Together we can change the world". Each individual can start protecting the environment from simple activities in daily life. For example, you can save on food, water; recycling paper, cartons, plastic bottles; using public vehicles instead of using private vehicles. These activities seem very simple but they are highly effective and pervasive, especially suitable for everyone to easily perform. Furthermore, it meets the needs of undeveloped countries for environmental protection. Is the foundation for modern projects with higher costs.  
  
In conclusion, to change something we need effort and perseverance for a long time. I believe that human beings can reduce the environmental impact of human activities, we can start everything the simplest things like disposing of trash in the right place.
You will immediately get a low GRA score before the examiner even finishes reading the first paragraph because of your improper use of punctuation marks. You cannot use an ellipse and a comma at the same time. You can only use one punctuation mark as a time. You risk losing percentage points for such an early error in your presentation. Your paraphrase also deviates from the original topic as you refer to the factors that have the greatest impact on plants and animals. By the way, you changed the discussion topic from the negative impact of human activity on plants and animals around the world to environmental pollution and its solution. As such, your total essay will be deemed irrelevant to the original task. It will receive a failing score because you did not understand what the topic was, how it should have been discussed, and you did not present it in the proper discussion format.
## It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong

  
  
In my opinion, it is necessary for children to distinguish the right and wrong in their early age. But punishment is not the importance way to help them to understand the that difference.  
  
In the past, mostly in Asia, the parents always said that the children was not old enough to understand which was wrong or right. But I really don't agree with that way of teaching the children. The fact that telling the children the difference between the bad and good is really important to them. Acording to many science researches, children are affected easily by the way people around them saying. For example, if the child is messing with his sister's toy, but the parents not telling him that it is the bad behavior, he will keep doing that. So if the elder can talk to them in the serious way, show them what is good and bad. They can fix it in their young period. Help them to understand what is right or wrong can also help them to become a good person. The biggest reason is that the children can easy fix their action more than when they grow up. If they do the bad thing but no one tells them that, it may lead to the bad behavior in the future.  
  
In my point of view, punishment is not really the best way to help the children recognise the bad and good things. There will be the situation that the children might be aggressive because they have been punished a lot. It won't be helpful anymore. Punishment may lead the children have the obssesion in what they have done and then they might not know what is wrong and right. They just think about if they do that thing, they'll get punishment. What we trying to do here is that to help them understand why that is the wrong and right. Don't try to make them turn into the robot.  
  
Instead, parents and teachers should use more words to explain to them more details about why they should or shouldn't do that. The more detail we tell them the more they understand. If they can deeply understand that, they will turn that into their good behavior. For example, when I was a kid, I never say "please" when I want something. But then after one day when my uncle explained to me why should I do that, I understood and it has quickly turned into my good behavior untill now.  
  
In conclusion, I think that it is really important to teach the children which is bad and which is good. We can choose the softest way to explain to them, it might be the better choice than using the punishment.
Dear @hnaaapt,  
You should give the full prompt of the topic. I wondered if it is about "the importance" or "the punishment".  
  
There are many grammatical mistakes in your essays.  
"~~the~~ children ~~was~~ **were** not old enough"  
"A**c**cording to"  
"but the parents ~~not telling~~ **does not tell** him"  
"... serious way~~,~~  **to** show them ... bad~~. T~~**, t**hey can ... young ~~period~~ age."  
  
"**Helping** them to understand"  
"the children can ~~easy fix their action more~~ fix their behaviours easier "  
  
**You should differentiate between spoken English and formal academic writing.**
This is an extent essay so your response should indicate a measured response. An example of a measured response is:  
  
*I agree that children should learn the difference between right and wrong early in their lives. My agreement extends to the point that they should be taught how to differentiate, but not to the point of being punished to help them understand the difference. My reason for this belief is two-fold namely: because (reason 1) and (reason 2).*  
  
After which the extended explanation of each reason should follow. For this particular discussion prompt, you should use personal experiences to illustrate your understanding of how punishment affects children psychologically. That way you can justify the non-use of corporal punishment for children and better support your explanation as a form of teaching instead.  
  
By the way, please make sure that you do not use connecting words like "but" at the start of a sentence. The word "but" is used before a comma in a sentence, to help show a connected but opposing topic discussion.
## the effect of Television on cultural development

  
  
In the era of advanced technology, television is more and more ubiquitous and is owned by most families all over the world. Thus, it is believed that apart from being an important source of valuable information and news, television has considerably contributed to the changes and formation of a variety of cultures. Personally, I suppose that television has both positive and negative impacts on cultural development.  
  
On the one hand, it can not be denied that television plays a significant role in maintaining and developing cultural values in many societies. Firstly, by launching documentary films, historical programs, and others related to cultural identities, television helps young generations access to their traditional values in their nations. For instance, people will pay respects to their ancients and brave heroes who sacrificed for peace when they watch historical films which mention wars in the past. In addition, daily news channels which talk about good examples of kindness and honesty everywhere also contribute to educating people about moral lessons which our ancients had taught. Gradually, such lessons play a key role in creating a developed society with talented and gentle citizens.  
  
On the other hand, there are some detrimental aspects of television that should not be ignored. First of all, the fact that people can access to various cultures in the world thanks to television results in the problem that they will follow such cultures and forget their original ones which are heritages of each nation. For example, with the dominance of Hollywood films around the globe, some Eastern countries are facing the risk of losing their national identities. Indeed, in Vietnam, most young people pursue the western lifestyle and even forget traditional principles which are transmitted through thousands of years. Secondly, although most programs published on TV are controlled strictly, there are still some illegal channels that publish improper information or some films having too much sexual and violent content. Such programs have a considerably negative impact on the moral development of viewers, especially children who are likely to imitate what they saw. Moreover, some films which exaggerate the story unintentionally make people misunderstand about images of certain countries. For example, people may think Malaysia is dangerous with mafia and drugs through action films about this country.  
  
In conclusion, everything has pros and cons and television is no exception. While it can contribute to the development of cultures, in some aspects, it may be harmful if the people do not know how to avoid its downsides.
To begin with, I suggest you should try to maintain the number of words between 250 and 300. This essay is way too long and i don't think you can finish the test on time with such long essay. Instead, try to invest more lexical resource and grammar diversity. Secondly, in agree/disagree essay, you should pick a side to defend instead of saying that you agree and disagree at the same time. If you have ideas to support both sides, try to support only one side and use the opposite ideas to write a concession paragraph (which can help enhance your score). Finally, The topic asks you if you agree with the idea "TV has had influence on the cultures" or not. It doesn't ask you about either bad or good influence TV has on cultures. So i think you misunderstood the request of the topic
I realize that you were aiming for a higher C&C score by over explaining your paragraph presentations. However, the over explanations did not help your essay because you lost track of the clarity of the paragraph just the same. You are using too many reasons in your presentation. Each paragraph should have only a single topic sentence, with 4 sentences explaining the topic sentence within the paragraph. You do not need 2 topics per paragraph. The 4 paragraph presentations work best with a single topic sentence per paragraph.  
  
You have word choice errors in your essay such as "can not", which should be cannot meaning "unable to". "Can not" is a confusing word because it mean "Can, but unable to." You also have some word usage errors that affected the clarity of your sentences. When you said "In some aspects", what you really wanted to say was "In some respects".  
  
In a task 2 essay, regardless of the discussion type, never use words that appear to portray you as not having a clear opinion . In addition to that, you have to improve your vocabulary skills. Try to develop more academic vocabulary as opposed to everyday overused expressions in your essays.
## "Everybody should donate a fixed amount of their income to support charity."

  
***How far do you share this viewpoint?***  
  
Nowadays, doing charity has become a popular activity that many people participate in. This leads to the idea that everyone should contribute a stable part of their revenue to charity. From my point of view, there are some loop holes of this idea that lead to my disagreement.  
  
To begin with, obliging everyone to donate their money without considering their will does not seem to be a sound decision. This mean that it should not be expected a person to contribute their money with a cranky face because doing charity is not solely giving money but also the willingness to help others of donators. Another argument is that since workers are paid differently, giving a fixed amount of money seems fair but in the pattern of living standard, the lower-income people may find it more struggling in daily life than higher-income people do. This might make the situation decline because people with low income might become the ones who should receive charity. Last but not least, encouraging everyone to contribute money can be the root of social corruption. The result of this is that lazy people might take advantage of the policy to receive money from the ones who contribute their effort to make a better society. Those dependent people would be burden of community if the idea were supported.  
  
I accept that raising fund for poor people is a humane activity. It can help promote economy and motivate people to work harder. However, the disadvantages tend to overwhelm the advantages brought by the idea.  
  
To conclude, due to the differences in status and living condition, forcing everyone to donate money should not be encouraged. Instead, everyone can help poor people with voluntary activities or donating old clothes instead of money.  
  
(290 words)
Dear @NguyenPhuoc,  
I think your 3rd paragraph should be combined with your conclusion instead of making a separate one. For example: "To conclude, despite the fact that raising fund for the poor is a humane activity, forcing everyone ....."  
  
Your arguments are reasonable. However, sometimes the way you deliver them makes me confused. Such as the part "This might make the situation decline".  
Another problem is related to grammar "This ~~mean~~ means that it should". Moreover, I think you should avoid using many "it" "this".  
  
Hope you find my comments useful.
## Graph analysis - number of smokers

  
  
A glance at the graph provided reveals the smoking rates in men and women in Someland during the period from 1960 to 2000. It is evident that both genders saw considerable fluctuations in nicotine consumption.  
  
Peaking at 600 in 1960, the rate of male smokers then sustainly decline of 500 in 1975. In 1985, the nicotine consumption still decreased and there were just 400 men in every 1,000 smoking. The latter half of century continued seeing the smoking rate in men slide away, nearly one third to the begining, somewhere in the vicinity of 200 in 2000.  
  
The rate of female smokers, meanwhile, had a low start at only 100 prior to 1960, before rising exponentially to more than 300 in 1975. The following ten years saw a steady decline to 300 in 1985, followed by a gradual fall.  
  
It is interesting to note that while the gap between smoking rates in men and women were widen at first, they then both decreased after the prior to 1975 although the number of female smokers increase as twice as its beginning.
Hi, I found some grammar mistakes (and maybe some typos) in your essay and I hope that my comment will be helpful.  
1. In this phrase "...', I guess you meant "sustainable decline", which makes me confused.  
2. In this phrase "...", "the" is unnecessary, "nicotine consumption" is enough.  
3. A typo was made in this phrase "...", which is "beginning".  
4. In this phrase "...", the correct phrase is "... men and women WAS widen at first"
## The chart - sales report

  
  
The chart illustrates the sale trends of 3 shopping complexes followed very different patterns over the past year with FinGroup Ltd and Man Ltd on an upward trend and Bluebird Ltd in decline.  
  
For Fin, the year began with sales of 1 million euros, more three times as high as those of Man but they plummeted about 90% and leveled off in next 2 months. By contrast, Man saw a steady increase from 300000 to 900000 through 4 months. May experienced a noticeable recovery at Fin followed by a period of considerable fluctuation with the figures almost around 1,5 million, whereas those of Man fell mildly in May and then rose marginally about 300000 euros till September.For the rest of the year, Fin's sales took a nosedive about 90% before surging hitting the peak in December of nearly 1,7 millions meanwhile Man's ones continued picking up but with sharper level each month and also reached a record high of 16000 in last month.  
  
With regarding to Bluebird, first 4 months observed the erratic changes but all the numbers were the highest in 3 places. Although, the best sales position was not belong to Bluebird for last 7 months. Its monthly takings kept going downhill till reaching the lowest point of over 200000 mark in July and then fluctuated wildly around 400000 until end of the year.
Hello Monleo! I kindly advise you to focus more on the trenda and lessen the statistics because all those numbers might confuse the examination. Personally, it was hard for me to follow the main trend because there was too much information. Maybe include only a few numbers and focus more on the trend?  
  
Also, I wouldn't recommend to add information about Bluebird Ltd in the end because it belongs to the main body NOT the conclusion. It would be better if just separated the main body into 2 parts.  
  
Hopefully, it helps :)
Hi, I found some grammar mistakes in your essay and I hope that you will find my comment useful.  
1. "The chart illustrates the sale*sale*s trends"  
2. "in the next 2 months"  
3. "hitting a peak in ..."  
4. 'With regarding  ~~to~~ Bluebird,..."  
5 " did not belong to Bluebird ..."  
6. "until the end of the year"  
  
In addition, you should include an overall trends paragraph to make it easier for others to follow your analysis.
***Task :  
Some people think that people who choose a job early and keep doing it are more likely to have a satisfying career life than those who frequently change jobs.***  
  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
These days, people pursuing a career early and continuing are assumed to be better than switching their jobs periodically. From my perspective, I completely agree with that belief.  
  
On the one hand, there are numerous merits for employees holding down the same job for a long time. Firstly, you profit from job prospects, including promotion opportunities and pay rises, if you stayed a job long term. In other words, when taking promotion into consideration, companies often assess the dedication and experience of senior employees. For example, my cousin started with a monthly two million VND salary at a Pediasure company. However, that figure is about twenty-five times as much as it used to be, with a twelve-year contribution. Besides, senior staffs are probably in favor of generous benefits. Several enterprises acknowledge the commitment of their workers by increasing more annual leave or rewarding a company car.  
  
On the other hand, some people prefer switching jobs regularly, but the drawbacks approach more than the chances. Nowadays, if you are a job hopper, the interviewers commonly keep an eye on or even prejudice you. Indeed, your CV is now displayed on the Web, and then, interviewers will contemplate your loyalty. Furthermore, job seekers need a long process to get through probation or even obtain generous benefits. For instance, my uncle altered his workplace for proximate convenience, and the new firm puts him three months in probation to earn an official salary afterwards.  
  
In conclusion, although some people have their purposes for changing jobs, it is more disadvantageous than keeping it long term.
Okay, you already said you completely agree with the belief presented. After that, your last 2 sentences should have been an indication of the reasons you believe this completely. The outline of the topics for discussion helps the examiner determine how well you understood the topic and how relevant your next discussion paragraphs will be in relation to the topic provided.  
  
What you should not do in this essay is use a comparative discussion. All task 2 essays are singular opinion in nature unless otherwise specified in the prompt. Only when asked to discuss in a comparative manner should you do that (A/D, P/N, Discuss both opinions). For the direct opinion essays, you have to prove that your point of view is correct based on the strength of your explanation. The more convincing your reasons, the better your essay. Focus on a single defense, not a comparative discussion. Remember, you are scored on the clarity of your opinion and your ability to actually defend your opinion. When you use a comparative discussion, you lose the ability to do that.  
  
Please remember that all the paragraphs have a minimum 3 sentence requirement. Both the opening and closing paragraph need to present a paraphrase of the discussion presented. The opening paraphrase has a run-on first sentence and is missing at least one more sentence to meet the format requirement. Your concluding summary does not do that. It is only a single run-on sentence, which is not the format requirement for the concluding summary.
## spoken communication is more powerful than written communication.

  
***To what extent do you agree/disagree?***  
  
Some people are in favor of the power of verbal communication more than writing in one. However, I believed that both have their own benefit.  
  
In some cases, oral speech transfers information and opinion more effectively. The weight of speech is not only influenced by contain the information but also the attitude, emotion and enthusiasm of the speaker. Moreover, face-to-face communication can deliver inspirational speeches by using their own features and the power to change mindsets. For instance, Abraham Lincoln and Michelle Obama whose power can alternate people's moods and soothe their pain.  
  
On the other hand, writing is batter than verbal communication. In case of invitation or important cases, written communication is more formal than the verbal one. For working circumstances, the need to keep the information, the contract that is legally binding. Moreover, in special cases when you can pour out, a card or letters and help you. At Christmas, birthdays a card or letters with a handwritten usually means much more than to give wish on the tip of one's tongue.  
  
In conclusion, verbal communication and written one are equally necessary for people. both have their own function, but which situation when one of them is more important than the other.