dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## University education should be free for everyone, regardless of income

  
***To what extend do you agree to this statement?***  
  
Education is an indispensable part of everyone's life and it plays a vital role in the process of growing as an individual. From my point of view, the idea of imposing university education at no charge from a government has the potential to become a very big step towards the rapid growth of a society.  
  
Operating an education system with no tuition free will make sure that nobody will lose the right of studying just because they lack the material ability to foot the bill in college. Talented students from the poor families could have great chances to show their strong will and determination to study and prosper under free courses and programs. At the end of the day, those students will contribute back to the country and hence, the growth of that nation will be significantly increased under their operation.  
  
Another advantage of having education free is nationwide happiness. Stress and anxiety in the middle-class society might be caused by an individual's inability to afford university fees. These are invisibly building up the fear of having children in those who are in the middle class due to financial burden in education. This obviously implies that citizens of wealthy countries do not feel able to provide their future offspring prosper education.  
  
In conclusion, even though it would be a huge expense on the state's budget when offering education free, advantages are valuable. After several years, such improvement would bring fruits of a happy, a intelligent nation promises to be created.
This is my own opinion only, and it could be incorrect.  
  
(1) "Could" →"Can" (2nd sentence, 2nd paragraph) because you're writing in present tense mainly.  
  
(2) Remove "The" (same sentence as (1)) because of the plural noun.  
  
(3) "A intelligent" →"Intelligent" (final sentence of the final paragraph) because you already written "a" before "happy", it is excessive here.
@Thao Vo  
  
You showed that you can use English to express fairly complex idea in your essay. However, I recommend you learn more about how to write a good essay. Your introduction is too vague. You did not paraphrase the topic and state clearly your position. Remember that you are writing in English, not Vietnamese. As Vietnamese students, we were taught at school that we have to always include background information before introducing the topic and it is ok to let the reader guest what we means. However, when writing in western language, we have to go straight to the point and state our opinion clearly and directly. You have to think outside the box a little bit.  
  
Secondly, you shouldn't use vocabulary that you do not understand the meaning. For example, " material ability" is not an accurate phrase. I recommend you use more simple language to improve your accuracy. Otherwise, you will lose your vocabulary mark. Only use fancy words when you know exactly what they means.  
  
I hope that you will improve your writing.
While your essay shows that you support a solid opinion on this essay along the lines of totally agreeing with university education being free for everyone. You failed to properly represent that in the prompt rephrasing. You forgot to respond directly to the question at the end, thus giving a direct opinion in the process, which would have given more credence to the single opinion discussion opinion that you presented in the 2 reasoning paragraphs. The essay would have lost points for not clearly presenting an opinion to support. You presented an opinion but your position, in the paraphrase section, was unclear. That makes me so sad.  
  
You could have already passed the test if you had just clearly presented an opinion at the start of the essay. Another reason why this essay would not have passed, is because your conclusion created a different discussion presentation from the original topic. The conclusion, should have just rephrased the total discussion from the topic, opinion, and reasons presented. That is missing so you will lose further points for that. The essay itself met the word count, but failed to deliver on several discussion and formatting requirements. That is why I always say it isn't about the word count, it is about the accuracy of the essay in relation to scoring requirements and considerations. Meeting those criteria will be what helps you pass the test.
## The Dress code at work issue

  
  
Topic: Some people think that employers should not care about the way their employees dress because what matters is the quality of their work To what extent do you agree or disagree  
  
Many people hold the view that the employers should be concerned about how efficient the employees work, rather than by their clothing. While I think dress play an important role in workplace, I still believe that employees should only be judge by the quality of their work.  
  
It is true that dress is a crucial factor to create an efficient work environment. To begin with, formal clothes or uniforms make the setting more disciplined. Such clothing separates their mind from entertainment or chores at home. Therefore, the workers will maintain their focus on work more than others. For example, in many gorvernment company, uniforms are chosen for staffs to enhance their discipline and concentration. Another reason worth mentioning is that this kind of clothes can push employees' confidence. In fact, wearing formal uniforms, they feel more like a successful person in a professional atmosphere. For instance, shirt will push dynamic and confidence of the workes rather than the disoder clothes.  
  
Nevertheless, I would argue that employees should appreciate their employees by their quality of work, not by their clothes. The reason is that these clothes can not reflect all about how hard the employees try in their work. Moreover, high quality is the most important thing to gain. A good employers never judge their staff by how they dress. For example, some particular jobs like creative designers who have to spend long time with the computers need comfortable clothes. However, they still control themselves successfully to complete tasks without missing deadline.  
  
In conclusion, despite acknowledging that wearing right clothing plays an significant role in workplace, I am of the opinion that employees should be assessed by their abilities.
Since you changed the prompt discussion topic and discussion instructions in your paraphrase. The automatic score for this essay will be, as per TA requirements, a 1. Your answer is not related to the task provided. To illustrate:  
  
OP: To what extent do you agree or disagree  
YP: I still believe that employees should only be judge by the quality of their work.  
  
So you changed the original topic:  
Some people think that employers should not care about the way their employees dress,  
  
Which is based on the reason: what matters is the quality of their work  
  
Your topic became: employers should be concerned about how efficient the employees work, rather than by their clothing  
Based on the reason: I think dress play an important role in workplace  
  
The outline above clearly shows you where you went wrong with your prompt paraphrase, which also affected the format of your presentation and caused you to present an improper discussion format in the essay. As such, I cannot continue to review your other errors. You already made a mistake with the discussion of the topic so you will not be able to score higher than a 1 with your presentation. Once you make a mistake with deciphering the discussion topic and response format, you make a failing score error in your presentation.
## Budget for projects to save wild animals

  
  
Topic: The protection of wild animals has cost a huge sum of money, and this money should be spent on projects related more closely to human beings. Agree or not agree?  
  
With the development of agriculture and technology, the natural habitats of wild animals have been largely destructed by human activities. I agree with the view that government should allocate public funding for wildling reservations.  
  
Firstly, there is a strong humane argument that lives are equal despite its species. As all earth creatures rely on natural resources, which are limited and non-renewable, we should respect and help each other in terms of survival. Moreover, human population has been doubled since the end of World War II, excessive cultivation has used up natural resources, such as clean water and fresh air, and forced wild animals to leave their homelands where they have inhabited for generations. Thus, humans are accountable for the dramatically decreasing number of wild animals and even their extinctions.  
  
Secondly, maintaining ecological diversity can bring huge benefits to human society, or vice versa. Every creature does not exist in isolation, or in other word, we affect each other and restrict each other. A telling example is that bats feed on insects that are detrimental to crops and they serve as critical pollinators of seeds and fruits that we eat. Meantime, they can also be dangerous because living in humid and dark caves means that their bodies are able to carry thousands of viruses that could be fatal to human-beings. In fact, human could completely stay away from these diseases by not interrupting bats lives. However, the popularity of tasting wild animals has provided those viruses with opportunities to put people in danger. The latest alerting examples are Ebola virus and COVID-19, both of which are originally found in bats.  
  
Some believe that government should spend money on projects more related to human. However, I would argue that the well-beings of wild lives are strongly linked to our daily life.  
  
In conclusion, a reasonable amount of budget should be allocated to projects protecting wild animals, as well as other important social programs.  
  
All comments are appreciated.
Your discussion has a tendency to go off tangent in relation to the discussion requirements. Your 2nd paragraph, in particular, was over discussed so it no longer stayed on topic in defense of the original prompt. Your first reasoning paragraph fared better in terms of defending your stance. It was somewhat on focus although it is filled with so much word fillers that you almost went off topic again.  
  
Do not focus on writing too many words. Always stop at 290 words. Once you hit that magic number, you will have enough words typed so that you can focus on the important scoring considerations, the LR, GRA, plus C&C sections. At that number of words, you can focus on cleaning up your grammar and vocabulary errors. More importantly, you can review the essay for sections that lack clarity or stray from the original discussion. Editing these parts means you will get a decent score in this section once it is reviewed by the examiner.  
  
You definitely have a problem with the LR section. That will weigh heavily on your points deductions because of your misuse of descriptive words. Some sample problems:  
  
wildling reservations = animal reservations / animal sanctuaries / wild animal habitats (any of these words would have been a more appropriate description)  
  
which are limited and non-renewable - Sources are limited but renewable. We will not run out of water, air, and food sources. The problem is that the demand is higher than the supply for some things such as water and food.  
  
has ~~been~~ doubled since, redundancy when referring to past time frame.  
  
Basically, the essay is only partly responsive to the prompt. It has a lot of problems in relation to relevant content, proper discussion, sentence structure and word usage. At this point, this is not an essay that will get a passing score yet. Hopefully I will see improvement that can lead to a passing score with your next essay. BTW, if you are not going to be taking the computer based test, try to time yourself properly. A handwritten essay with 321 words cannot be completed within 40 minutes.
## the proportion of Internet usage in three nations

  
  
Please help me assess my ability. Here are my essay: ^-^ thanks  
  
The line graph give comparisons of the proportion of Internet usage in three nations between 1999 and 2009.  
Overall, the percentage of three coutries' population using Internet witnessed an upward trend over the period of 10 years. However, there is a more significant rise in the proportion of American and Candian users compared to Mexicans ones.  
  
In 1999, the amount of USA's citizens using Internet stood at the first position at about 20%, while the figures for Canadians and Mexicans were lower, at 5% and 10% respectively. The year 2005 remarked the similarity in the percentage of Internet users at approximately 70% in two countries USA and Canada. More Mexicans, at the same year 2005, used Internet than last 5 years, accouting for 25% of population. By 2009, almost 100% of Canadians using Internet, positing the highest. The number of users in USA was about 80%, which is 40% higher than that of Mexico.  
  
*
Try to write at least 175 words for the Task 1 essay. That is the word count that will ensure the possibility of a high ending score for your data analysis. You have to make sure that you write 3 paragraphs as well since this is a task 1 essay. Your format is a bit off. It is feels mechanical. There is no real analysis of the data. You are just taking the information straight out of the page and writing about it in the test booklet.  
  
You are not trying to figure out the deeper meaning of the data nor offer an analysis of the data in comparison to the year on year results. There are certain points in the line graph where the data touches one another in the presentation. Those are comparison points that were not represented in your essay. The instruction for this type of image is always inclusive of "make comparisons where relevant". You did everything except that in your presentation.  
  
You show a potential to do a proper analytical essay. The problem is that you did not really apply an analysis to the data. That is also why your presentation is so short. Try to lengthen it up to 190 words so that you can get the full scoring potential of your work. By scoring potential, I mean:  
  
- You have the ability to analyze the information  
- You understand how the data relates to one another  
- You can represent the importance of the information via the trending statement  
  
Your presentation is creative, with room for more creativity in the presentation. Remember though, do not be over creative in the presentation. Keep the analytical academic tone intact at all times.  
  
Spelling problems:  
  
coutries' = countries  
Candian = Canadian  
accouting = accounting  
  
Brush up on your subject verb rules (the line graph give = the line graph gives). Good job on using estimation words in the essay. Since no actual percentage measurements were given, you were right to connote the information with a sense of uncertainty. This represents an approximation in this instance.  
  
Good attempt at task 1 writing. I look forward to seeing your upcoming improvements.
## the number of cases of diarrhea

  
  
The given diagram illustrates how many people suffered from diarrhea in Mashhad throughout the period from 1983 to 1992.  
Overall, the figure fluctuated widely before diving to the lowest point at zero in 1992 while the highest cases could be observed in 1989.  
At the beginning, it was at 100 cases and maintain the same level until 1985. This was followed by a sudden decline of about 50 percent in 1988, . However, it unexpectedly climb fourfold and reached a peak of 400 cases by 1989. One year later, it dropped by 50, following which it remained static for a year. This downward trend was suddenly broken and plummeted dramatically to a plateau at zero cases in 1992.  
  
*
Unfortunately, this essay will not be receiving a passing score because it is only presenting 118/150 words. There will be TA deductions applied for writing below the word count. The penalty for this will be around 1.19 of your score. So you can see why it will be improper for me to continue reviewing your essay. I make it a policy never to give an extensive essay review if the student does not meet the minimum word requirement. I do not do that because your essay is not fully representing your English writing abilities. If you decide to post at this forum again, make sure you meet the 150 minimum requirement, 175 being the ideal number of words, so that I will be able to do a proper and accurate review of your writing skills, errors, and other grammar considerations.
## The problem of doctors moving out to work in bigger cities

  
  
Most medical doctors want to work in cities where they will make a lot of money. Yet in many rural areas there are not enough doctors. What are the reasons for this problem? How can it be solved?  
  
It is true that most medical doctors in this industrialised world prefer having jobs in cities than in rural areas to make a lot of money. Although there will undoubtedly be some negative consequences of this trend, societies can take steps to mitigate these potential problems.  
  
In my view, the main issue is that if you live in big cities, there are obviously a lot more opportunities for mostly everyone . The doctors, who are also the workers, they probably also intend to find to have a nice and stable job in big cities. The proportion of working doctors in rural area therefore was smaller and smaller, and as the result, there are not enough doctors in surburbs, or countryside . In other words, those doctors who work in rural areas have to be more responsible and endure more pressures from their jobs, and they are possibly someday will think about quitting and want to work in big hospitals in big cities as well as others did.  
  
There are several actions that governments could take to solve the problems described above. Firstly, a simple solution would increase their salaries, at least a bit less or the same as the doctors in big cities get paid. That will be absolutely one of their efforts to help them somehow overcome the situations and their pressures to try their best job. A second measure would be for governments to encourage the immigration in order to increase the number of working doctors, for example, the governments can reducing the tuition for those who study medical major and then work in rural areas , and if the immigration do so for them, they will get more credits for chances immigrating officially.  
  
In conclusion, various measures can be taken to tackle the problems that are certain to arise as the number of working doctors in cities become bigger and the number of working doctors in rural areas become smaller.
@seansean1703  
The major threat to your essay is because of very generic introduction. Use hook to impress reader (if you can) such as "There are various factors taken into consideration among people who either want to live in urban or countryside"  
  
You are to be very specific with the causes and solutions very early in the beginning (possibly after hook). Use parallel grammar (for e.g. insufficient patient exposure and poor medical infrastructure) etc.  
  
Body Paragraphs should be like: Topic sentence followed by an explanation and example. Better to give example of your own knowledge and experience.  
  
I am a bit worried about your conclusion: Better re-state and further organize causes and solutions. For example: Doctors encounter less exposure to serious ailments for their career improvement and rural place often devoid of critical infrastructure which, as a result, may regret them working in rural areas. This could be mitigated through provision of appropriate medical training and availability of critical health services which can re-influence them to serve the countrymen.  
  
I hope this helps.  
  
Thank you
The essay is a direct opinion essay. As such, the format is as follows:  
  
- Paraphrase the topic from the original prompt  
- Give reasons in response to the first question but, do not discuss the reasons yet.  
- Give one solution that will work for both problems or 2 solutions that can be explained later on in a connected manner. Do not discuss the solution/s.  
  
Based on the format for the essay, you can see how you made a mistake in your response:  
  
OP: What are the reasons for this problem? How can it be solved?  
YR: Although there will undoubtedly be some negative consequences of this trend, societies can take steps to mitigate these potential problems.  
  
Therefore, you did not properly address the task provided by outlining what your 2 discussion paragraphs will be through the listing of your responses to the 2 questions provided in the original prompt. Your essay will be scored on a partially correct response to the essay because of this.  
  
Your reasoning is good, but it points to government based solutions. The problem is that the government was not mentioned in the original prompt. So you should not be focusing on a single entity as the solution enacting body. This should be based on a third person plural suggestion instead. Use "the public", they, their, as some of the third person pronouns in your solution response.
## stress among kids because of their parent's enforcement

  
  
**Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed.  
What is the reason for doing this?  
Is this a negative or positive development?**  
Recently, many children have been suffer a considerable amount of stress in achievement because of their parent's enforcement. The parent's attitude developes due to many reason and the continuoation of this trend will bring negative consequences.  
  
First of all, one of the main factors is the utter care from parent. They always hope the best things for their children such as: a stable job with high salary, a big house, car... Therefore, they make their children to study more, achieve more in life which potentially form the pressure inside the kids. Moreover, some folks are so competitive that they force their children to be more success, more intelligent for them to show off with everyone.  
  
In my point of view, this development is completely negative which will badly impact on children's life. For example, if the child has to put up with a lot of strees and pressure, they will be mentally ill. They will against their parent's desire and do what they think is right for them. In addtition to that, if the result doesn't live up to their expectation, the children will become depression. For instance, according to data, there are 20% children in the world suicide because they think they are loser and make their parent disappointed.As we can see, has it not been for the emotionless of the parent, the children's future would have been change.  
  
In conclusion, though enforcement of parents might help to gain success of children, I believe that this could be psychologically disadvantageous for them. Their future is depend on family's education. So for children today, for future tomorow  
  
Thank you for giving advise