dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hi Mao, I read your task 1 essay. I really appreciate some of your expressions but I have two other recommendations.  
  
1 - I suppose it would be better if you could use simpler expressions at the begging of your sentences, in my opinion.  
  
2- As @Holt said the last paragraph would have been better if it had been split into two ones.  
  
Thanks a lot for your comments on my essay.  
  
best regards.
**With a growing world population one the most pressing issues is feeding such a number of people. Some people think that GM foods offer a viable solution to this problem. To what extent Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## feeding a growing number of people

  
  
The more population in our world, the larger quantity of food will be need to feed such a tremendous number of people. Since swelling population in countries is inevitable, one of the imperative concerns is how people can forage for food, despite this explosive growth. In this regard, GM foods production is a recommended solution with which it is believed that people can guarantee their food necessities. However, I would question the plausibility of this method by looking at how these foods could be health hazardous as well as they can negatively alter the origin of world's ecosystems.  
  
For one, the outcomes of such alternations in foods' origins could pose detrimental impacts to humans' over-all wellbeing. Take vitamin deficiencies cases in many countries as an example. Based on some studies in my country, Iran, it is represented that GM foods contain less amount of vitamins and minerals, compared those of normally-grown produce. As Persian individuals tend to have determined portion of food essentials suggested by nutritionists, they ingest less amount of nutrients than expected with consuming these sorts of foods. Thus, it is apparent that, GM foods do not carry healthy properties which normally-produced ones do.  
  
Additionally, genetic changes in foods for the sake of more massive production could cause flaws in the chain of ecosystems. For instance, genetically modified tomatoes in my country have fewer leaves, so that it leads to more dryness on soil after irrigation in hot days. Following this, there are a lot of objections from farmers that these crops associated with more water usage. Based on the above reasoning, mentioned problem could result in groundwater aquifers depletion. Thus, the negative ramifications of GM produce are clear.  
  
To put in a nutshell, however, by GM foods there could be some temporary solutions for feeding growing population, the devastating influences on people's health could diminish its virtues. It is recommended that food supplies management could address this problem more effectively.
Ali, why are you questioning the plausibility of using GM food in your essay when you are being asked to discuss the extent of your agreement or disagreement with the presented point of view? Your discussion does not follow the logic being required of you by the original prompt. It deviated from the original discussion because you decided to discuss a topic that is nowhere near the given prompt requirement. Therefore, this essay is not going to get a passing grade, on any level in an actual test. Your line of reasoning would have been acceptable if you had properly addressed the paraphrasing and opinion statement at the end of your first paragraph. Due to the difference in what you presented there, when compared with the original requirements, you would have immediately failed the TA portion of the test. Once you fail the TA section, it becomes very difficult to pull up your score with the remaining criteria in order to get a passing score.
## weather forecasting

  
  
This diagram display there are 4 stages to produce reliable forecast. First stage is collecting incoming information which is via satellite, radar and drifting buoy. These first-hand information need to be analysis and forecasting the future weather. As for that, Australia Bureau of Meteorology will study the satellite photo from satellite, radar screen from radar and drifting chart from drifting buoy which are the second stage. Once it all ready the data will editing by computer to preparing the broadcasting. Last stage the audience will receive the weather news from TV news reader, radio and recorded announcement.
@Echu  
Hi, Echu. Please upload the chart in discussion as the tips suggest. It's quite important, since none is able to review your essay appropriately without the chart.  
  
Please put my advice into practice as soon as possible. A knowledgeable and obliging contributor will come in and make useful comments for your. But he is not allowed to review your essay more than once. If it's up to him to inform you the chart should have been attached, you will lose the precious opportunity to get his valuable advice.
@Echu You will not get a passing score for this essay. Even without the chart, I can see that you have neglected to properly represent the required elements of a Task 1 essay. There is no clear overview, no discussion paragraphs that cover a comparison or trending discussion, no analysis of provided information. You just decided to pick out the series of information that you could find and then post it in a mechanical way in the essay. This single paragraph representation of the diagram you were provided will be given a failing score due to so many writing task violations that you will have just wasted your money and time had this been the actual test. There is no way a presentation like this will pass. I suggest that you review the other essays here and try to emulate what you see. There is already useful advice in each essay thread for you to consider and apply to your own work. When you come back here, please upload the image along with your essay so that I can assist you in developing your writing skills in a more proper manner.
Task2: **Many people believe that an effective public transport system is a key component of a modern city. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of public transport.**  
  
## pros and cons of public transport

  
  
Some people think that public transportation services play a role key in contributing to the development of a smart city. This essay will discuss both pros and cros of this view.  
  
There are several advantages of effective public transport. To begin with, the traffic issue would be controlled if public transport, like bus or subway, runned effectively, representing a symbol of civilized and modern society. On a large scale, traveling easily enhances the economic growth as people would not waste time on traffic jam. For example, a businessman could save his time up to one and half hour to go to his workplace every morning on time by subway instead of being stuck in traffic jam in his private car. Moreover, the tourist industry in a city is also promoted when foreigner visitors no longer run the risk of being victimized by the fraud by passenger motorcycle. Last but not least, public transport help people save money since most of them costs much cheaper than taxi or private car.  
  
Despite the advantages, public transportation has its various disadvantages. It is undeniable that public transport is unlikely to reach anywhere as they find it difficult to access the remote or isolated areas. Buses in Ha Noi city, for example, are unable to bring all passengers to anywhere they want, given that the Hanoi's infrastructure is so complicated. In addition, as the number of public transport is limited, they fall short of people's traveling needs. Finally, the quality of public transport services also needs to be improved because this would encourage citizens to use public transport instead of driving a car.  
  
In conclusion, although there are some disadvantages of public transport existed, the demand of advancing and expanding public transport is inevitable for a modern city.
Thu, here is the thing. The prompt is asking to merely discuss comparison points regarding the advantages and disadvantages of public transport in a modern city. Under these instructions, you are not supposed to try to influence a reader towards a specific point of view. In fact, your point of view, as indicated in the conclusion of your essay is unnecessary and irrelevant as it is not required by the discussion instructions. Therefore, the essay is in error in terms of the discussion method presented.  
  
There is also an error in the way that you presented the opening statement. An opening statement must be comprised of at least 3 sentences that represent a proper restatement of the original prompt. This will show how well you understood the instructions and how well developed your English vocabulary skills are when it comes to finding synonyms for certain words. The proper representation of the opening statement could have been:  
  
*A modern city requires the presence of a reliable transport system. This is a key component that many people believe define a modern city. This essay will strive to discuss the reasons that modern public transport have both an advantage and disadvantage in relation to its existence in a modern metropolis.*  
  
When it comes to your reasoning skills. I can see that you have a thorough understanding of the discussion points, but were unable to properly decide upon the one definitive response that could have represented the best advantage and disadvantage paragraph discussions in your essay. It is imperative that you choose to discuss only one topic per paragraph and fully explain yourself if you wish to score well in the C&C and GRA portions of the test. Present complete explanations in the paragraphs so that the examiners will be able to judge your actual English writing and thinking skills.  
  
As of now, the main problem with your essay is that you have too much going on in terms of information so your explanations become weak or lacking in context. In your next essays, I need you to focus on informing your reader in a more concise manner. Don't present too much information. When you write a 30 minute essay, less is actually more because you need to develop your discussion in a manner that best reflects your English thinking, writing, and analytical skills.  
  
By the way, your conclusion is not proper. You still need a total of at least 3 sentences to represent a complete paragraph as required by the C&C section.
**Topic: Nowadays, most large companies operate multi-nationally. To what extent those companies should have responsibility towards local communities in which they operate?**  
  
## businesses and their responsibility

  
  
Due to the globalization, several firms establish their branches in many different countries throughout the world. These international companies , nevertheless, should be accountable to local citizens in terms of the environment and the native culture.  
  
First factor that the multinational enterprises should take responsible for is the national ecosystem. It is obvious that the international organizations need to safeguard the native environment, which means they cannot pump greenhouse gases into the atmosphere or tip hazardous waste into rivers. Due to the fact that local residents depend on natural resources to survive. If these firms threatened the ecosystem, the inhabitants may not have health food or pure air to develop . For instance, the company Formosa, which is located in Taiwan, invests in Vietnam and they harm the living conditions by releasing domestic waste into rivers. Their actions killed an excessive amount of marine creatures and exert adverse impacts on local people's health and quality of life.  
  
More importantly, global operations ought to respect the national customs where they set up. In other words, the firms should discover insights into the native cultures and deter themselves from offending indigenous people or what they respect. For example, when running business in Thailand, the organizations cannot advertise their products by using pictures of royal Kings as Thai citizens extremely respect royal family. Therefore, international operations should develop carefully and stay away from some taboos, which offend the inhabitants.  
  
Another aspect global companies should take into account when investing in other areas is to create more careers for local people. The leaders have to guarantee local workers' rights, including paying enough incomes for indigenous employees or pay for workers' insurance.  
  
In conclusion, companies who operate multinationally should have responsible for the local communities in which they invest in in many aspects, ranging from living conditions and native cultures to job opportunities.
Linh, when you write the opening statement, you need to make sure that you accurately reconstruct the original prompt requirement from the original. This is the method by which your English analytical and comprehension skills are assessed by the examiner. When you write an immediate opinion in the opening statement, you do not give the examiner the opportunity to assess whether or not you properly understood the prompt requirements and discussion highlights. If I were to paraphrase the opening statement, I would write it in this manner:  
  
*These days it is not uncommon for companies to operate on a multi-national level. As these companies begin to grow in local communities of various countries, they are expected to take on certain responsibilities towards the local communities. This essay will discuss the extent that these responsibilities should cover.*  
  
The opening statement should always provide the gist of the original prompt. That is the sole purpose of the opening statement. It is not meant to house the starting discussion. It is not meant to represent an expanded opinion coming from the writer. It is only meant to represent an understanding of what the original instructions require the writer to accomplish in the essay.  
  
As for your discussions. The first 2 reasons you provided really gave credence to your positions. These 2 paragraphs were the strongest points of your essay. The weakest was the partially developed 3rd paragraph. There is a lack of discussion there that would qualify it as a complete paragraph representation. Omitting it would have allowed you to have a strong 4 paragraph essay for final scoring. An even stronger scoring potential would have been achieved if you had separated the various topics in the single sentence of your conclusion into full sentences instead. The creation of the concluding paragraph would have helped increase the GRA score for your essay.
**Some people think that the government have the duty to ensure its citizens have a healthy diet, while others argue it is the responsibility of each individual. Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
## the task of improving people's health

  
  
It is true that, in recent years, a healthy diet has been receiving a great deal of media attention around the world, especially in less developed countries, because of its substantial impacts on promoting physical and mental development. While some medical practitioners suggest that government intervention to help its citizens have a balanced diet is essential, l believe that people's responsibility of eating healthily should be a top priority.  
  
There are a variety of grounds why the government holds accountable for maintaining healthy eating habits of its citizens. Firstly, since some imported food such as fruits or meat contain plenty of chemical preservative popularly sold in the market, consumers easily suffer from eating disorders such as food poisoning , even leading to life-threatening conditions. Therefore, national authorities should impose strict regulations on monitoring a wide range of imported food before entering border customs offices. Secondly, in order to provide consumers with a healthier diet, government officials should take steps to develop advances in agricultural technology to produce chemical-free food including meat, fruits, and green vegetables. This not only encourages consumers to purchase domestic food but also improves their citizens' health.  
  
Nevertheless, it is clear that each citizen should be responsible to look after his or her health. Firstly, thanks to social networking sites, especially Facebook, individuals might raise awareness themselves about avoiding food additives. In fact, since a variety of unhealthy foods containing artificial colors and flavors on Facebook such as candies and cakes contribute to causing some health problems such as diabetes and obesity, people might be more reliance on diets rich in vitamins and nutrients instead of continuing consuming these foods. In addition, consumers should spend more time on home -made food rather than processed one. In fact, plenty of evidence suggests that self-cooked food would provide adequate nutrients for cognitive development and raw spinach is a great source of vitamins, contributing to having a balanced diet on the daily basis.  
  
In conclusion, while the government plays an integral part in improving people's health, it seems to me that every citizen should plan on having healthy eating habits to protect his or her health from chronic diseases.
Bao, this essay will automatically receive a low score of 4 for a number of reasons. The first reason is that the TA section of the essay was not appropriately addressed in the overall presentation. While the original prompt asked you to discuss both points of view prior to the presentation of your personal opinion, you decided to discuss only your point of view in the essay. This is clearly seen in the opening statement that you presented where, rather than paraphrasing the original prompt to indicate that two points of view plus a personal opinion will be discussed, you immediately launched into a personal opinion discussion instead. Therefore, you failed to properly address the task requirements. You minimally accomplished the instructions you were given.  
  
Additionally, your supporting discussions were not really connected in presentation and seemed to be jumping around without any clear objective in each paragraph. Each paragraph must have a clear topic sentence and a properly developed and presented discussion. Your paragraphs try to present too much information without any actual supporting discussion. That lowered the C&C score for your essay as well. It is because of these reasons that I was forced to give you this low final score.
Cu, your essay is not clearly focused on the discussion. The location being discussed is a shopping mall, not a supermarket. A supermarket may be located in a shopping mall, but the function of a supermarket is far different from that of a shopping mall. The essay is asking you to focus on the shopping mall stores, not the supermarket. The way that you interchange the terms successively in the essay creates confusion and stress for the reader as the explanation that you offer becomes difficult to understand. The overall presentation is actually hard to follow because your discussions lack a cohesive and coherent flow. It appears that you need to practice writing simple and understandable English sentences before you can launch into essay practice tests. If this essay is a reflection of your writing skills, along with reasoning and logic, then you are not quite ready to take the test yet. You have a long way to go and should focus on first, improving your grammar and sentence development skills.
I'm new for IELTS writing Task 2. I really appreciate if you can help me out.  
  
**Topic:** *Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender?*  
  
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## Job rising inequality among people different gender

  
  
There have always been generally distinct traits between females and males, thus the differences in the types of career. Nevertheless, the practice in modern times has been for both men and women to gain a more flexible choice in seeking works. Some would argue that this situation will not correct itself over time. However, in my view, wherever possible, gender equality should be encouraged.  
  
There may be strong arguments for maintaining works which remain predominantly male or female. For instance, massage customers would probably appreciate having female staffs to cater them. It could also be argued that certain careers expecting a norm of physical strength, gold mining or fireman, for example, should resume being carried mainly by men.  
  
Nonetheless, the society has changed slightly perspectives towards the posts holding by men and women and choosing occupations are more open to both genders, hence the unexpected advantages. Male might comparatively have a better taste and skills in cooking, thus they often hold necessarily pivotal posts in restaurants. On the other hand, a female politician would probably have a better understanding and sympathy for women and their obstacles.  
  
The changes stem from allowing men into female-dominated jobs and vice versa may have some disadvantages like gender inequality in the workplace, it is still hopeful. However, to gain the most from this improvement, it is relevant not to expect men and women approach works in analogous ways.
Nguyen, your opening statement is too flowery in word usage. As such, it failed to accurately depict what should have been a simple paraphrasing of the opening statement. You over analyzed the information provided in your version of the paraphrase and as such, did not have a chance to properly represent the original discussion. The paraphrase should have been as simple as:  
  
*Men and women are known to have distinct strengths and weaknesses when compared to each other. It is because of these differences that each gender currently has limitations set in place for them in certain professions. I have a particular point of view regarding the hiring of people to do work based upon gender considerations. This essay will delve into that discussion.  
  
I believe that it is wrong to limit the field of work that a person can perform in due to gender. My main reason for this belief is that...*  
  
I know that I included a sample opening sentence for the second paragraph. That is because I want to show you how to effectively reel in the examiner and also, heighten the sense of information that you are about to present in the essay. If you can engage the reader by creating an interesting opening statement and an interesting topic sentence in the next paragraph, your essay will be scored highly in terms of the TA consideration, which is one of the most important considerations in scoring the test.  
  
Your line of reasoning is weak and not properly defended. This normally happens when you are more focused on simply presenting reasons in the essay rather than presenting reasons with proper supporting arguments in the paragraph. The supporting information in a paragraph can make all the difference between a high C&C plus GRA score or a dismal score because you only presented half-baked ideas to the examiner. If you want to pass the test, you need to prove that you are capable of writing fluently in English in a manner that shows off your intellectual capacity in the foreign language as well.