dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Miftah, sorry to say but there are lots of corrections needed in your essay and therefore, my suggestion is that you need to proofread it first before posting in this forum. At least, you are suggested to try to check the spellings for each word. If you think it is difficult to check them in your computer/laptop, I might suggest you to use this forum. For instance, when there's a red line under/below your word, that's the sign that the word that you write is wrong (look at the attached image if you still don't get what I mean).  
  
Also, if this is your daily activities, I think it is not necessary to write "Life is adventure, (...) that must be faced." the essay is just a simple daily activities, why bother to write 'life is adventure'? Plus, it is not related to what you have written in the whole essay. When you say that 'challenge' and then, you write 'wake up', it also seems awkward to mention that even waking up is a challenge which means the person who were written in the essay is extremely lazy.  
  
Hope this helps :)  
  
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*This is the example of spelling correction feature of this forum.*
Hi, I am practicing the writing test for IELTS, would you please give me some comments for my works?  
  
In addition, I am not sure if I can present the data in the form of "has rose from 30-35%, 15-20% and 10-15% respectively." and "the percentage has fell into a half from 2000 (20%) to 2010 (10%)" is correct. Also, I do not know if the tenses I used is correct.  
  
Thank you very much!  
  
Question:  
  
**The charts below show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010.  
  
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
Answer:  
  
## Which foreign languages British students know?

  
  
The charts report the percentage of British students who can speak various languages in a particular university in 2000 and 2010 respectively.  
  
Looking at the students who can speak Spanish only, another language and two other languages first. It can be observed that there is a 5% increase for each group of students from 2000 to 2010. From 2000 to 2010, the percentage of students who can speak Spanish only, another languages and two other languages has rose from 30-35%, 15-20% and 10-15% respectively.  
  
With regard to students who can speak French only and no other language, the percentage of students result a falls from 2000 to 2010. For students who cannot speak other languages, the percentage has fell into a half from 2000 (20%) to 2010 (10%). For students who can speak French only, the percentage has dropped from 15% in 2000 to 10% in 2010.  
  
For the students who can speak German only, the percentage keep unchanged at 10% in 2000 and 2010.  
  
According to the above data, it can be found that over 80% and 90% of British students can speak at least two kinds of languages in 2000 and 2010 respectively. Furthermore, around one-third of the students can speak Spanish which leads Spanish to become the most common second language for British students in both 2000 and 2010.  
  
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Janice, this is supposed to be written as a pie chart comparison. Therefore, it would be best to write 2 body paragraphs which indicate the complete information from 2009 and then from 2010, using a transition sentence at the end of the 2009 paragraph to connect the two years in information presentation.  
  
Your paraphrasing doesn't follow the required format of at least 3 sentences per paragraph. That is because you failed to include information about the English language as indicated in the original prompt. Always double check your paraphrased prompt for information. Make sure that you represent the all the required information in the overview before you move on to the body and concluding paragraphs.  
  
Your tense usage needs work. All of the information contained in this essay should follow the past tense presentation because these events, studies, and percentage research has already been completed. Therefore, the past form of presentation will be required all throughout the essay. Let me correct the sentences that you are worried about to show you an example of how to write it.  
  
*Looking at the students who can speak Spanish only, another language or two languages, a clear 5 % increase for each student group was represented in the years 2000 to 2010.This represented a rise of 30-35%...*  
  
In the section about German language you could have said *" the percentage WAS unchanged..."* .  
  
Then in the final paragraph it should have said "... British students spoke...", with the work spoke taking the place of "speak" in the paragraph since we are dealing with past presentations here.  
  
Do the free online tense usage exercises. That should help to train you regarding the proper use of tenses in relation to written work. Add it to your essay exercises. Combined, the two should help to improve your grammatical accuracy score in future essays.
Among hundreds of IELTS sample answers on the Internet, you need to at least pick one of them and make it becomes your own pattern of writing. However, I would recommend you to read IELTS sample answers on either IELTS buddy or IELTS advantage. I refer my TASK 1 writing style from IELTS sample answers on IELTS buddy and my TASK 2 writing style from IELTS sample answers on IELTS advantage. As a result, I got overall band 7.0 in my IELTS test. Thus, doing the same thing like what I have done is worth trying.  
  
Let me help you deciding what kind of sentence pattern that might be beneficial for your writing skill in the detailed descriptions below:  
  
1st paragraph:  
- 1st sentence is the paraphrase of the question,  
- 2nd sentence is the measurement that might be applicable (it can be percentage for this case),  
- 3rd sentence is the overview (what the pie chart show in general perspective)  
  
2nd and 3rd paragraph:  
- 1st sentence is the most noticeable data (usually the highest or the lowest),  
- 2nd sentence is the second rank,  
- 3rd sentence is the third rank or you can just mention 'the other data / the rest of the data'.  
  
Hope this helps :)
## computer games and kids

  
  
People have their own preferred type of entertainment, and each one has its's own appeal. Computer games are one of those and it is now one of the biggest brach in the entertainment business. In my opinion, playing computer games is not a waste of time. I feel this way basically for two reasons that I will explore on the following essay.  
  
To begin with, playing videogames can develop one\'s overall knowledge and culture, which are two things kids seeks but are difficult to achieve in some more traditional and passive manner like books or classes. On a more engaging and interactive scenario, computer games have a much more appealing approach and can be a much more easy and pleasurable way to teach the often curious mind of a children. My own experience is a good example of this. When I was very young, I already played a lot of videogames. In the beginning it was only some actions to repeat and buttons to press. But as the games was evolving and I was getting older, they began to have more complex design and often you would had to read and listen to english instructions to complete a given task or even understand the whole story. On that sense, I've got my first english classes while trying to complete some games. It is incredible how I was motivated to finish a virtual game that also brought an curiosity and determination to understand another language and increase on my overall culture and knowledge.  
  
Furthermore, while purposing new situations and challenge, a game could train and improve a person's cognitive system, which a children can profit in a more relevant way. Nowadays games are being used in many more forms than just entertainment. It is used in a school to help children with math, in a job interview to help evaluate candidate's logical capability and in some services to help train users' cognitive memory. As I said above, I played a lot of videogames in my young age. In that matter, it helped me with logical puzzles and decision making situations. Also, it can help you train your mind into stressful situations while you play your way through some timed tasks. It can assist the development of those skills in any gamer but children would most benefit from this since their brains are more susceptible for learning new abilities.  
  
In conclusion, I strongly think computer games are not waist of time, specially for children. This is because it can help improve one's culture and knowledge and it can improve people's cognitive system.
Json, please post the complete prompt for this essay discussion. The prompt must always accompany all of your future essay postings if you want us to be able to give you an accurate and thorough review of your work. There are 4 considerations in scoring your essay that will be based upon your ability to respond to the prompt instructions. Right now, I will unable to score those sections as I do not know what the prompt expects you to present in your response essay.  
  
Overall though, you have some grammar structure errors such as having a slash sign along with an apostrophe S. It is important that you review your work for punctuation errors before submission so that you can have a better score in the grammar accuracy range of the scoring considerations. That also goes for the way that you spell words. I think you meant to say "branch" instead of "brach" right? You also need to know the difference between words. Just because the word sounds the same when pronounced does not mean that the word you spelled is the one to be used in the sentence. You should have said "waste" of time, not "waist". The waist is a body part while waste means "use or expend carelessly, extravagantly, or to no purpose." If you are unsure about the way to use a word, and you know how to spell it, look up the meaning first. Don't just use the word because, when used in the wrong manner in a sentence, this will result in a lower lexical score for yourself.  
  
The rest of the discussion seems to be alright. Again, I am making that judgement without knowing what the actual discussion type and information requirement of your essay is. I can offer a better insight into your work once you post the complete prompt here.
Wow! Json, you blew this discussion out of the water! What an almost perfect discussion you presented in defense of your opinion. The fact that you use a personal example in defense of your belief, and in such an accurate manner, will definitely increase your task accuracy score. The grammar corrections also helped to boost your score in the GRA section. Now, while there are still some parts that do not have perfect sentence development due to some mistakes in sentence formation, this version does not cause any undue stress on the reader. Your discussion, while showing some grammar problems, comes across clear and understandable in terms of content. So no worries there. I would score this essay a 6 overall. Word of advice, please work on developing your past tense usage skills. Practice those in order to help you better establish your time line discussions in your essay. For example when you said "*But as the games was evolving..."* , the correct presentation would have been *"... the games evolved..."*
The proportion of elder people aged 65 and over in three different regions of world is illustrated in the graph recorded since 1940 and predicted until 2040. Overall, USA and Sweden are tightly closed in numbers, whereas the trend itself showing upward.  
  
Since 1940, the gap difference between USA and Sweden were about 3 percent that led by USA of 10 percent. It then continued to narrowed each other while they were both increased gradually for the next 5 decades, before they initially intersected together at 15 percent. Whereas Japan also seemed closed at beginning with Sweden about 2 percent differences, in forward to fluctuation that happened in 2000.  
  
After the intersection, Sweden has been increased dramatically till the present and is predicted to reached 25 percent in 2040, while USA seemed constant before it will sharply increase in 2020 to reach a peak close in 2040. However, the percentage of old people from Japan has been steadily increased to 8 percent in present days and will rocket up between 2020 to 2040 reaching about 28 percent.  
  
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***Hi Fadhil,*** these are my thoughts about your writing task 1. I hope these can help to finalize yours.  
  
I only wanna remind you should create at least 3 sentences in a paragraph. Therefore, you should separate your overview become two distinct sentences. Besides that, you ought to be able to sharpen your overview. Picking up the general trend is a way to get a higher score. The overview is one of points in the task achievement. You view the condition in the whole period so that you can find that key feature.  
  
After that, you should be more aware of ordering the information. Be careful of place the number in the body paragraph. When it doesn't represent appropriately, it can reduce your score. For example, this is your information.  
  
USA and Sweden were about 3 percent that led by USA of 10 percent  
USA did not state at 10 percent exactly. You are supposed to write "approximately 10%".  
  
However, there is the crucial point which you have presented. You have had a bravery to compare figures. It can boost your score because you make your description more interesting. I really believe you can obtain the higher your score if you can diminish your repetition.  
  
The key to being the master in the writing task is practicing more and more.  
Happy writing, good Luck
Fadhil, you have written a very interesting report. It is not mechanical in nature because it shows a clear analysis of the information provided. Although, your opening statement was short as it requires a minimum 3 sentences to accurately represent a complete thought process in a paragraph. You could have expanded on the statement about the upward trend for the third sentence by showing the placement of the countries in terms of the upward trend. Who was in first, second, and third place would have made the opening statement more complete in information presentation.  
  
I am sure that you only overlooked the fact that the tightest point of intersection for the percentage points was at 20% while the three countries began to intersect, information wise, at 15 %. You could have missed that if you did not enlarge the image and only reviewed the minimal version of the chart. Congratulations on writing 177 words. You used more than the minimum word requirement and that certainly helped you to create this informative chart.  
  
Your ability to analyze the given information as accurately as possible is well reflected and you managed to cover almost all the important information of the essay. Any grammar problems involved did not really matter because you still presented an understandable summary of the given chart information. I think you would score anywhere from a 5-6 for your work in this essay.
hi! I am practicing IETLS and I got this prompt  
**More and more people now own cars. What are the problems associated with an increase in the usage of private cars? how can these problems be solved?**  
  
## the consequences of 'over-presence' of cars on the roads

  
  
Nowadays, an increasing number of the usage of private cars has been controversy. It is agreed that increasing use of vehicles is contributing to air pollution and certain the lack of resources. While some negative consequences are unavoidable, government and individuals can take steps to address the problems.  
  
There are many problems connected with an increasing in the usage of private cars. One problem is that it has a bad impact on our environment such as air pollution. Exhaust fumes from vehicles have been produced by cars every day, so Greenhouse Effect becomes aggravate. Consequently, the temperature of the earth is much hotter and the sea level is increasing. Not only do people must suffer from disasters such as earthquake, flood, tidal wave but also the life's quality is diminishing, which people must be responsible for. Running out of fossil fuels like petrol and diesel is another issue. The overconsumption of natural resources has a bad effect on the civilians. The cost of natural resources will be much higher if the overconsumption of natural resources is going to raise the few decades. Because governments are not able to produce fossil fuels.They have to import them from other countries and raise the price of civilian's duty.  
  
Solving an increasing in the usage of private cars problem is really important. Firstly, governments have to improve public transportation's standard as soon as possible. Using public transportations are one of the solutions to reduce an increasing in the usage of private cars. In fact, so many people think that public transportations which are not fast as private cars and really dirty. Therefore, governments ensure that civilians benefit from using it. Secondly, carpooling is another option. People who work in the same office can share car journeys.  
  
In conclusion, improving public transportations and carpooling is the best solution to an increasing number of the usage of private cars. If we work together, we can overcome this serious threat.
To, in the opening statement, you should not present a reason in the discussion. You should only offer an overview or give an outline of the topics you will be discussing as per the prompt requirement. So the inclusion of air pollution and lack of resources should not be included in the first paragraph. Instead, just say that you will be discussing the problems associated with the increase of car usage in the succeeding paragraphs.  
  
In the second paragraph, you accidentally associated car use with global warming. While there is a connection, it is very difficult to prove that global warming, as you discussed it is a direct result of increased car usage. Since you provided 2 problems caused by car use, focus on the more believable and easily justifiable discussion instead, air pollution. In these types of essays, presenting one solid and concentrated discussion of a reason is more effective than offering 2 topics for discussion. One of the two will become under developed and useless in the essay. In this case, the cause that become ill effective in the discussion was air pollution, which is the more commonly associated result of increased car usage.  
  
The reference to car pooling and improving public transportation should be discussed as a fully paragraph. This is a new topic for discussion and must therefore, be thoroughly developed and strengthened in reasoning and presentation prior to the conclusion. The conclusion should only close the essay by repeating the information in the opening statement, along with the discussed topics and your own opinion if required, as a recap of the previous discussion.
Hey Maitouyen!!  
  
Overall an ok essay.  
I think your conclusion is pretty solid. But the introduction can be written in a better way.  
The content seems to be less.  
  
I've slightly modified the Introduction -  
In the present day, the rising number of private vehicles on the roads have been a matter of great controversy. Some say it is a direct consequence of modernization and economic development, but is this really a boon?  
  
In the content part of the essay is where you answer the question in detail. Write points in favor.  
1) The increasing no of vehicles = More exhaust fumes = Direct damage to ozone layer in atmosphere and greenhouse effect.( Rising global temperature)  
2) Increasing consumption and depletion of natural resources.  
  
Other points include -  
\*Traffic congestion leading to noise pollution.  
\* Increasing Road traffic accidents, etc  
  
Start the second part of the question with something like-  
The problems associated with increasing private vehicles has dire consequences and needs prompt actions for it's control.  
  
\* Improving standards of Public transport and introduction of new means like metro rail lines.  
\* Carpooling  
\* Certain Govt. laws regarding the no. of vehicles per home. ( I think i read an article of the sort somewhere, so that can be one of the steps the govt takes to ensure less vehicles.)  
  
Good Luck! :)
## analysis of the pie charts - Ielts task

  
  
The pie charts described the percentage of school spending in the United Kingdom during 3 separate decades: 1981, 1991, and 2001. Teacher's salaries dominate expenditure of schools spending and Insurance always be a small part of every decade.  
  
Percentage of teacher's salaries increased to a half of total spending in 1991 and has descended to 45% in 2001. Furniture and equipment fell dramatically from 15% to 5% and rose extremely in the amount of 18% for next ten years. Resources spent 15% of total budget, became to one-fifth on UK school budget in 1991, and descended just to 9% in 2001. Other workers' salaries continue to decline from 28% to 22% or almost one-fifth part of total expenditures, and the last became 15%. In contrast to other workers'salaries, insurance has increased every decade, although it is not very significant. It began from 2%, rose 1%, and became 8% or almost one-tenth in 2001.  
  
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Anabel, this essay still contains the same paragraph problem your previous essay had. Please try to write more than 153 words in order to improve your lexical resource,cohesiveness and cohere, and task accuracy score. The mechanical nature of your writing is fast becoming a problem for you. You need to actually spend time reviewing the chart and discovering the best way to present it. Divide the 20 minutes into 2. 10 minutes to review the information and 10 minutes to write your report. That way you truly get to analyze the information provided and allow yourself enough time to develop an essay that can best reflect your understanding of the information. For instance, did you even notice that the best way to write this essay was to write a comparison of the years involved covering the same items of expenditure? That would show a clear analysis of the information and would allow you to develop a better and more interesting presentation for the information. Try to make the presentation a bit more interesting and creative. Go beyond just what the information before you is. Think of how you can deliver the information in a more interesting , engaging, and informative manner.
Hey Anabel.  
  
Time distribution is very important. Firstly read up on the entire material given and then focus on your writing.  
Once you have an idea on what to write, spend some time to make it sound more interesting. There should always be something that makes your essay stand out!  
  
Even though you've summarized most of the information, it is very monotonous.  
  
"For Example - The pie charts given above denote the variations in the expenditure pattern of a single school in the United Kingdom over the last 2 decades.  
  
Most parameters have changed over this period.  
The majority of the money is spent on teacher's salaries. It was 40% in 1981, which subsequently spiked to 50% in 1991 before finally reaching 45% in 2001. "  
  
Use Synonyms where ever possible.  
Good Luck :)