dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
I would like to point out some errors in your essay.  
1. **This essay agrees that ~~politics~~ should ...** (Politics can't build them itself, and I don't think politics is related to science).  
2. **This essay will discuss humans ...** (This sentence is ambiguous).  
3. **when the authority manages ...** (confusing)  
→ The scientists could be safer when the authority manages the research **rather than** the companies.  
4. ... accommodate insurance, **AND** this can decrease ...  
5. Your structure is simple and you should get to know how to make a complex sentence.  
6. However, **private companies could ... also for the community.** [This sentence is hard to understand and have some grammatical errors)  
→ It is difficult for private companies to guarantee security, which has adverse effects not only on scientists but also on the community.  
7. Correct while structure: ..., while .... / while ..., ....  
8. POLITICS doesn't denote PEOPLE. → POLITICIANS  
9. (it is not serious) Fahasa → Formosa  
Overall, you really have some serious errors that can affect your GRA. Please be careful and not to make those again.
## two arguments about dealing with problems

  
  
Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.  
  
All people in the world have different problems such as financial issues or unpleasant jobs and each person will have a solution to tackle their difficulty. While some prefer to accept their situation, some believe making efforts to improve their problems is a better  
  
On the one hand, people should cope with harsh situations by accepting them. For example, when I passed the most stressful exam in my life, I had a little mistake in my test which always made me feel torment in my summer. After all, I realized in tenth grade, no one cares about my score in the highschool entrance exam or my GPA in secondary school. Therefore, in several conditions, acceptance is the best way to solve the problems  
  
On the contrary, some people make efforts to improve such situations and follow your dream. In addition, they believe nothing is impossible and they want to write their own life story. Besides, they do not want to regret their entire life for not trying to chase what they deserve and they do not want to blame the situation because it's their life. To illustrate my point, Tyra Bank is an example. Tyra was born into a black family and she was racist by her skin when she was casting in some company. She went against all odds and fought for her dream. Finally, she became a supermodel and fashion icon in the world. No one can flick through a magazine or website without her appearance. In brief, there are ups and downs in everyone's life and we need to put our best efforts to overcome the difficulties so that we can proceed in life.  
  
In conclusion, there are two arguments about dealing with problems, while one says you have to stay back, the other says you have to try and improve the situation. Considering all aspects of this argument, I believe we should struggle with trouble and do the best to solve it because it will make us be better person
making efforts  
What is the writer's opinion? After the restated public opinion, the writer must present his thesis opinion as the final part of the paragraph presentation. It is a clarity of opinion requirement.  
  
improve their problems is a better  
Better what? Complete the thought presentation or revise the sentence for reference clarity.  
  
At this point, it is best to point out the writer's problem with clarity that will lower the coherence score of the presentation.  
  
The writer clearly does not follow the comparative consideration + personal opinion format. The full discussion is personal opinion based. Without the public ' analysis, the discussion format will be deemed either incomplete or in an incorrect format. It will fail the test. Always follow the indicated paragraph discussion format.
*This is the first time I have written a writing task 1 in the IELTS exam. Correct it for me!*  
  
## Energy use and greenhouse gas emissions

  
  
The pie charts compare the percentages of energy used for various purposes and the amount of gas emitted in an average Australian household.  
As can be seen from the chart, heating accounts for the highest energy used in an ordinary Australian household while CO2 gas is released most through the process of water heating.  
  
To begin with, heating makes up 42% of the energy consumed in an Australian household, compared to 15% of CO2 gas emissions. Moreover, water heating takes up about 30% of either energy use or greenhouse gas emissions. In addition, the refrigeration release 14% of carbonhydrate into the atmosphere, which is twice as much as the amount of energy used for it.  
  
On top of that, cooling occupies just a small percentage amount of both energy use and greenhouse gas emissions, about 2%. 8% of greenhouse gas emissions are used for lighting, which double the amount of energy consumed. Last but not least, other appliances comprise about 15% of the energy used in an ordinary household in Australia and produce around 28% of CO2 gas emissions.  
  
*
Refer to the number of pie charts and enumerate the divisions seperately for a clear summary overview. Assume the reader cannot see the images. What would be the best explanation presentation? Present it that way. Assume a worst case scenario for the presentation, as in, a lack of image, and discuss appropriately. These are the best ways to meet the clarity requirement.  
  
carbonhydrate  
Where did this reference come from? Not only is the spelling wong, but this data cannot be found in either chart. This is inaccurate information that will pull down the TA, L R, and G R A scores. Do not make up information and look out for accurate word usage.
## Writing task 1: population change Line graph

  
  
The graph below shows the population change between 1940 and 2000 in three different counties in the U.S. state of Oregon.  
  
The graph demonstrates the population in terms of three different counties in the U.S. state of Oregon over a period of 60 years, from 1940 to 2000.  
  
Overall, It is noticeable that three counties' population in the U.S. state of Oregon experienced a considerable increase throughout the period shown.  
  
In 1940, The Columbia county's population and The Yamhill county's population stood at nearly 25 thousands and 30 thousands respectively. While, The Washington county's population occupied the highest figure, at 75 thousands. Over the following 30 years, The Columbia county's population and The Yamhill county's population increased sharply to nearly 35 thousands and 45 thousands respectively. While, The Washington county's population increased significantly to nearly 125 thousands.  
  
By 2000, The Columbia county's population and The Yamhill county's population had increased magnificently to 75 thousands and 90 thousands respectively. Whereas, The Washington county's population had increased considerably to nearly 243 thousands.  
  
*
The graph  
What type of graph?This is going to be seen as a memorized or cut and paste presentation as it lacks a full image identification in the realaliment. It is a line graph.  
  
in terms of three different counties  
three counties' population  
At some point in the summary overview or trending statement, the writer must list the 3 counties for TA purposes. The short information presentation is incomplete without it.  
  
~~The~~ Columbia county's  
,  
Just Columbia county. A definite article is not needed to identify the counties.  
  
Review singular V. plural word usage. Reference should be made to thousand rather than thousands. Proofreading is necessary as there are capitalized non-nown presentations in the essay.
## Do we need to go to University?

  
  
When we graduate from high school, we usually ask ourselves these questions: "Do we need to go to University? Is it the best choice for our future? Are there any choices instead?" Many young people at this age will be confused and need the advice from adults. My point of view is that attending the university is very necessary for everyone because of the three reasons below.  
  
First of all, the university is no doubt the symbol of high education. Everything we have studied in high school is fundamental knowledge while we can enhance our majors at university or college. In these places, there are many facilities and professional teachers who get Master or even Doctor degree that help us discover new knowledge or a new world we have never known before. In addition, we have opportunities to get a higher education after getting a bachelor's diploma.  
  
Second, entering the university is the time for us to find our true passion. When we are under 18-year-old, we are looking like small frogs sitting at the bottom of the well. Our world is too small to orient our profession. After harvesting new knowledge from the university, taking part in many activities in real life, or working a part-time job, we will find out our strengths and know exactly what we really like to become.  
  
Thirdly, one thing is for sure, there is a chance for everyone in the community of a university to meet people, make new friends and know individuals of great importance. In my case, I have found colleagues who built up and operated our company with me. We together come to the success  
  
Last but not least important, during 4 years at university, we have to struggle a real life. We not only focus on studying, doing research, and completing every assignment but also attend social activities or work a part-time job. We will learn the way to arrange a timetable so that everything goes smoothly. Overcoming these pressure is one of the necessary qualities that most companies need from their future staff.  
  
In conclusion, I have to give these advices to high school students: "Do not hesitate to enter the university or colleges". This time is very valuable for anyone who knows how to take advantage of it in the right way.
There are 2 things that seperate the TOEFL and IELTS essay tests: IELTS requires a prompt restatement + opinion, TOEFL does not. The latter is a direct discussion method so the flowery introduction and conclusion in this essay is not really necessary. Go directly to the discussion.  
  
Do not offer advice to the reader lither. The commonality of the2 essay tests is that it should present an opinion withouttrying to influence the decision of the reader. Inform but never dictate the reader's action.  
  
Use a uniform method for numerical ordinals. Avoid mixing the reference styles to avoid confusing the reader. Consider the clarity of the presentation which is affected by the mixed style presentation.  
  
Review singular V. plural word use. "These" is the plural form of " this" so "pressure" should be plural, "pressures ".
## Japanese population rate

  
  
The line chart above demonstrates a shift in the Japanese population rate by three various age classifications over a course of 60 years starting from 1960 and the demographic projections for the year 2040.  
  
Generally, we can see clearly that the two groups of pre-teen and teenager, which were illustrated by yellow line and red line had witnessed a downward trend including future predictions. By contrast, people who belong to the elderly group was an upward trend compared with the other two groups.  
  
According to the given data, in 1960, the proportion of the youngest was around 30 percent. In 1970, the percentage of them rose slightly by 5%. However, within 50 years from 1970, the young group's major trend was decreased. This figure is calculated to drop about 13% by 2030, and will make up 10% of Japan's total inhabitants in 2040. The number of the middle age follows a somewhat similar pattern, which started at 30% in 1960 and this figure is estimated to fall considerably, however, in 2040 it will grow roughly 5 percent.  
  
Otherwise, the number of the senior citizens remained to rise stably over the 60-year period and which forecast will increase in the future.
The line chart above  
I do not see any. Do not refer to an image location as you are required to use descriptive means for the content presentation in the summary overview. Assume no image is provided to the reader.  
  
three various age classifications  
Which are? The data presentation is incomplete.  
  
yellow line and red line  
Which color code refers to what? If mentioned in order, end by saying " respectively ". Be precise. Be clear.  
  
Otherwise  
This extra statement is not required. The image does not contain enough data to warrant a 4th presentation. This does not provide the required 3-5 sentences as a paragraph representation. If this was meant as a conclusion, please be advised that a Task 1 essay does not require it as this is a report rather than opinion essay.
## is spoken communication more powerful than written communication?

  
  
Communication plays a critical role in the evolution of human beings. the notion that oral transmission is more effective than written language is a matter of controversy. Several people claim that speaking is of benefit to conveying information and emotion whereas others think written language is more used in law or finance. I am partly in favor of the statement for the following reasons.  
  
To begin with, verbal delivery using body language and facial expression enhances the ability to impart the idea and sentiment of the speaker. Let's take presidential nominees as a telling example, by dint of giving a speech delivered with enthusiasm, firmness, persistence, they could get their message across far more successfully. Secondly, thanks to launching a variety of spoken campaigns, not only does oral language exert beneficial impacts on the economy of the nation, on the contrary, it also expands the public knowledge of numerous issues.  
  
By comparison, non-verbal delivery is prioritized over verbal format in fields such as law or business containing a myriad of the major documents. According to economic reports, nearly seventy percent of corporations and companies require formal writing in legal agreements or contracts. In addition, it is newspapers, reports, or documents that tend to be stored and utilized for a long time. Therefore, the subsequent generation could take advantage of them.  
  
In conclusion, I partly agree with the dominance of the speaking format. notwithstanding that non-verbal format is preferred in certain circumstances and, the oral one plays a crucial in conveying the message. outweighs the former in most situations
I am partly in favor of the statement  
This is unclear in reference to information. Which particular side do you partially agree with? Why? Complete the restatement + opinion presentation by including the reasoning reference(s) for discussion. Remember that the TA score is based on clarity of thought more than anything else. So be precise in the presentation paragraph. Do not leave that clear opinion for the concluding summary. It is most useful in the restatement portion.  
  
The response should start with : I partly agree with the statement that ... in so much as it applies to...  
  
This is still a single opinion defense. Do not confuse a partial opinion with a comparison writing instruction. Those are 2 different discussion instructions
## migration from countrysides to large cities

  
  
The given table provides six different causes given that made migrants move from countrysides to large cities in a particular nation from 1980 to 2010.  
  
Overall, in order to accompany spouse or family member was the most popular cause given over a 30 years period. Meanwhile, the percentage of people moving for work and study reasons witnessed various changes.  
  
Particularly, the percentage of people moving for a definite job decreased significantly from 28% to only 12% in the final year. Similarly, there was also a slight drop in the figure for formal study, at around 12% during the whole period. By contrast, the proportion of people moving as they were seeking work rose steadily from 22 percent to 35 percent during 30 years.  
  
At the same time, the rate of migrants moving in order to accompany a spouse or a family member was always the highest at more than 30 percent since 1980, varying at only 2 percent. Furthermore, no single reason was the only cause that experienced unexpected fluctuations as it reached its peaks at 18 percent in 1990 but then decreased by half in the final year of the period.
The summary overview needs more work. The writer is required to outline the divisions of the image to inform the reader of the overall information basis. This is completed prior to the trending statement. Without the outline, the reader will be confused by the discussion references. A proper outline is required to create a mental picture of the image for the reader.  
  
The writer is referring to only one area, so it is singular reference to countryside. Countrysides are plural in form and does not apply in this comparison reference.  
  
Use a chronological reference for the discussion. The writer is skipping around the years in the presentation. To make the discussion easier to follow, use the correct sequential listing.
Hi this is my essay, thanks for your review in advance. Would you mind focusing on evaluating my word choice, task performance, grammar, coherence, and cohesion?  
  
***Most people agree that money cannot be happiness.***  
## Why is happiness difficult to define? How can people achieve happiness?

  
  
Essay:  
In today's materialistic world, money and material possessions are the sign of the happiness life. But many people believed that money cannot be happiness. In fact, all individuals have their different ways of achieving the pleasure. This essay will consider whether having a happy life is really hard to define or not, and whether people can find it easy to achieve happiness.  
  
Happiness is difficult to define because it mean something dissimilar to each individual person. Nobody in the world can understand fully or experience another person's feelings, and we all have our particular passion from which we take pleasure. For example, happiness for many residents are from earning money or achieving successful, whereas others, having a healthy life and living with family are much more important. At the present, a range of feelings, from excitement to peaceful, may be associated with the idea of happiness, and the same person can have that feeling in their own way.  
  
Although it is impossible to accurate definition of happiness, most people would agree that there are precondition to achieving it. For instance, it is hard for a person feel happy if he or she does not has a safe place or enough food for meal. Our basic survival must should be met before we achieve a pleasant life. Furthermore, it is high time to find joy in the little thing around us, such as spend time with family or hang out with our friends. Thus, there are many ways to achieve happiness it just depend on ourselves.  
  
In conclusion, happiness is difficult to define because it is particular to each individual, but I believe that our basic needs for shelter, food and health care should be fulfilled before we can experience it.
~~In today's materialistic world, money and material possessions are the sign of the happiness life.~~   
This is the writer's personal opinion. A personal opinion should never be included in the restatement due to paraphrasing alterations. It lowers the TA score as this presentation redirects the conversation in a manner not in line with the orginal presentation. Save the personal opinion for the reasoning sections.  
  
~~This essay will consider~~  
No. There are direct questions presented. These indicate the need for direct responses. One topic for each question that will create a clear discussion thesis.  
  
The prompt restatement + response portion is incorrect as it has 2 clear scoring violations present.  
  
each individual  
Redundancy. Both a GRA and LR violation. The words have the same meaning. There is no need for over- emphasis.
Hi, I would like to point out some errors that you made in your essay.  
It seems like you made a lot of schoolboy errors that can affect your GRA.  
1. ~~But~~ many people ... --> However,  
2. it ~~mean~~ means something  
3. ... from earning money or ~~achieving~~ successful --> success  
4. from excitement to peace~~ful~~  
5. to accurate definition of happiness ("accurate" is an adjective)  
6. there are preconditions to achieving it  
7. it WILL BE hard for a person TO feel happy  
8. he or she does not ~~has~~ --> have  
9. there are many ..., SO it just depend ...
Ielts writing task 2: international travel  
  
**interantional travel is becoming cheaper and cheaper and more countries are now opening their doors to foreign visitors. Do you think the advantage of this trend outweight the disadvantages?**  
  
It is true that these days, international travel is becoming more and more affordable for everyone, even for the ordinary people and many countries in the world have implemented several policies to attract foreign travellers. My stance is that the problems associated with this trend pale in comparison with the benefits it brings to both the government and the local people.  
  
Granted, there are several problems that need to be concerned when an influx of foreign travellers visit a country. Chief of these is the higher pressure put on the environment. This can be explained by the fact that when more international visitors come to a certain area, more infrastructure and amenities such as hotels, restaurants and leisure centres have to be built to meet their demands. The corollary of such action is not only the loss of many natural land zones but also a high amount of waste from those places being disposed of into the environment, leading to the deterioration of the local environment.  
  
However, it would be imprudent to underestimate the importance of international tourism. First, it is repeatedly found to be the driving force behind the economic growth of many nations. It is obvious that when foreign tourists visit a country, they have to search and pay for accommodations, restaurants, souvenirs and the like and such patterns of behaviour may provide more employment opportunities for the local people and obviously, tourism is a lucrative business. In addition, opening the doors to international visitors also enables them to come and perceive the local cultural heritage, which is a useful way to empower the country's unique culture to be recognised worldwide.  
  
In conclusion, considering various impacts that international tourism may have on a particular country in terms of the damage done to the local environment as well as the economic prospects, I believe that the upside of this trend is far more significant than the downside.
It is important that the writer preserve the original presentation topic by not adding a personal opinion in the restatement. Not only does adding information that is not in the original and thus, have no supporting basis, it also alters the sentiment of the orginal. It goes from a neutral to bias tone, which lowers the T A score of the essay. The essay could have been stronger if the writer had properly formatted his response.  
  
Do you think the advantage of this trend outweight the disadvantages? The question needs to have a response that will convince the reader that the uniter has the correct opinion. How is this done? User paragraphs that accomplishes the following:  
  
- Present an advantage  
- Why is it an advantage?  
- Contradict / oppose the reason  
- Offer evidence /an example to prove the contradiction correct  
- Add a supporting reason based on the example or, transition into the next paragraph reason that aligns with the Advantage V. Disadvantage format.  
  
The first reason of the writer follows a similar discussion to above format. The writer should have continued to follow that presentation line.