dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The foremost concern I have with this essay is the fact that you did not bother to spellcheck your presentation. Do not hurry when writing and reviewing your draft. Remember that all mistakes count as point deductions in every applicable area. In this case, you have 4 spelling errors in the forms of comsumtion = consumption, Easet = East, Eruope = Europe, and regared = regard. These mistakes add up to deductions in your LR score. While you do need to watch the clock, you also need to be conscious of your writing style and allow for editing minutes towards the end of your essay. Deductions in all aspects of your writing could result in a detrimental score in the end.  
  
Now, with that error forgotten, and focusing only on the essay that you wrote, I would say that you scored close to, if not a 5 with this work. You understood most of the chart, tried to vary your presentation, and presented the information as clearly as you could. You did a good job based on your current English writing skills. If you do not second guess yourself and learn to build your confidence, you will do very well later on.  
  
Remember, you will only fail in this test if you clearly do not understand the task requirement and fail to transmit the information in a clear manner. You have managed to make yourself understood so far and you have not missed too much of the information presentation in a manner that would affect the clarity of the presentation. You just need more practice.  
  
If you feel that this type of presentation is where you do the least well, then do more practice exercises in this type of presentation. Do that until such a time that you are confident in writing information from these type of graphs. I believe that around 5 practice tests should help boost your confidence when writing based on this sort of image.
There are only 2 sections of this essay that I have a problem with. The first, is the introduction of the American Dream as a nightmare related to food. The American Dream is more identified with the possibility of dreams and ambitions becoming a reality. It is rarely, if at all, associated with food, fast-food, and health. I found myself lost when the painting was suddenly introduced in the second paragraph. Maybe finding a better introduction that ties in the fast-food epidemic with the painting would be better. The American dream reference sounds a bit forced and doesn't create a seamless introduction to the actual topic, which is the painting. Then, the sudden shift to climate change later on in the discussion doesn't really connect well with the fast-food and painting discussion. It is either you need to create a better transition paragraph, or you should better present the climate change discussion in a manner that reflects its meaning or reason within the painting. The paper in itself is interesting to read, when focused only on the painting discussion. The other parts tend to muddle the discussion. Nothing that good editing and better transitioning won't fix though.
Hello everyone, I'm a newbie here. I'm practising how to write an IELTS essay properly. Could you please help me by giving me constructive feedbacks on my works? Much appriciated for your kindness.  
  
## soda addicts

  
  
There has been a substantial increase in the number of carbonated beverages consumed by individuals This essay will focus on examining likely explanations of this trend and necessary measures against the soft drink addiction.  
  
It is worth mentioning that vigorous commercial promotion has led to the large expenditure on non-alcoholic drinks. To clarify it, celebrity endorsement in advertising is regarded as an effective marketing strategy that helps skyrocket sales. For instance, Virat Kohli's followers probably spend money on energy-boosting products after watching he playing a role as a brand ambassador in videos. Additionally, another obvious reason is that customers tend to choose sodas for the sake of convenience in the prospect of the hectic schedule of modern life. It takes clients only few minutes to purchase their favorite sugary drinks from supermarkets, stores or vending machines. Moreover, children undoubtedly are loyal fans of sugar-loaded beverages due to its nice taste. With the addition of sugar or other sweeteners, liquid refreshment beverages proves irresistible, so people keep guzzling sodas continuously.  
  
It is highly recommended that appropriate measures should be implemented to reduce the risks resulted from this burning issue. Firstly, opting for healthier alternatives surely helps lower sugar intake. Secondly, the government should impose strict restrictions on adverts about sugar-riched drinks by issuing a health warning associated with inappropriate advertising slots along with levying high tariffs on these undesirable goods, Lat but not least, conducting numerous public education campaigns not only raises citizens' awareness, but also greatly improves lives of others.  
  
To recapitulate, the unpleasant fact of soda addicts has hightened a deep concern for the public health. It is hoped that immediate course of action will be taken to lessen the matter.
One critrion for a high score is "clear topic ideas" for each paragraph. It seams to me that you failed to fill this purpose in main body paragraph.  
  
*For first main body you could have written:  
There are several reason for the sudden increase in the consumption sugar-based beverages among peaple. One reason is the influence of celebrities in advertisements*....  
  
For the second main body paragraph:  
As for the solutions, there are.....
One of the major mistakes that students make when writing these reason and solution essays is that they tend to only present superficial reasons and solutions in their discussion. They mistake topic sentences for actual discussion. When you are asked to discuss reasons and solutions, the clarity of the presentation will come from the way that you discuss 2 connected reasons in the same paragraph, within 5 sentences and 2 connected solutions, within the next paragraph. This is done through the use of one transition sentence in the middle of the paragraph. For example:  
  
*One reason for the sweet beverage addiction of people could be that celebrity endorsers are used as sales posters on vending machines and cooling fridges in convenience stores. For example, Kendall Jenner increased public awareness for Pepsi in 2017 because she was known for her show "Keeping up with the Kardashians". As such, her image was placed next to machines selling the product. People, interested to learn more about the endorsement, buy the soda. If they like it, the continue to appreciate the product until it turns into a regular beverage for them.*  
  
As you can see, The clarity of the discussion reasons will come from the proper connection of reasons. In this case:  
Kendall Jenner + celebrity + endorser+ public interest = habit forming drink  
  
The solution should be presented in the same connected manner. That way 2 solutions can be presented in one paragraph. In this case:  
Do not hire a celebrity endorser + no celebrity poster in sales area = less interest in the beverage / less sugary addiction  
  
Your discussion was muddled by the lack of discussion development. You have to learn to build on connected ideas instead of separate ideas so that your presentation will score better in the C&C section.
## the appropriate way of expressing our ideas

  
  
**Some people think spoken communication is more powerful than written communication, to what extent do you agree or disagree.**  
  
Spoken communication could be powerful in some situation, while written communication could also be influential in some cases.  
  
At most of the time, spoken communication could be more efficient and lively. First, oral communication could convey the message to the maximum number of people in the short period of time. When a president or politician gives a speech, they will definitely use oral communication, and broadcasted live to the citizens.  
  
In addition, spoken communication is lively and could be contagious. When people wanted to express their emotions, speaking directly to others could make people understand your words, read your body language and facial expression. They could not only get the verbal meanings but also could read between the lines and know your underlying message.  
  
On the other hand, written communication could be formal and well documented. For example, when one undergo a purchase procedure, both buyer and seller are required to keep a paper written contract. There are several reasons that written communication is powerful in this situation. First, legal evidence is available due to safekeeping the record. Second, referring the message will be easy and convincible. Finally, the chance of misinterpretation of message is very less, because the words are carefully chosen. Therefore, written communication is a formal communication, which is used in schools, college and business world.  
  
In conclusion, both method of communication are powerful in some cases, people should choose the appropriate way expressing our idea at the certain moments.
The essay will get points deducted because you wrote less than the 250 word requirement. That's too bad, you were only 7 words short of the minimum requirement. Next time, try to write at least 275 words. An additional reason that this essay will fail is because you did not really get the paraphrase in the introduction right. Neither did you properly discuss the essay. For comparison purposes, look at the following:  
  
OP: to what extent do you agree or disagree.  
YP: Spoken communication could be powerful in some situation, while written communication could also be influential in some cases.  
  
Where is the degree of dis/agreement? You did not indicate anything of the sort in any part of the essay. The proper paraphrase is:  
  
Communicating with others carries more of an impact when done by pen. At least that is what some sectors of society believe. Others think that oral sharing of information is the more effective information dissemination tool. I believe that both are equally effective in terms of corresponding with one another.  
  
In my version:  
OP: ...to what extent do you agree or disagree.  
MP: I believe that both are equally effective in terms of corresponding with one another.  
  
The degree of measurement is "equally effective". Thus indicating a 50/50 degree of agreement and disagreement with the topic.  
  
Your discussion paragraphs are good, but could have been more effective had you properly addressed the task question. The introduction and final paragraph are lacking in terms of minimum sentence requirements. You have to write at least 3 sentences for each paragraph to meet the word requirement. Avoid using commas in place of full stops to help clarify your thought and topic presentations per sentence.  
  
Overall, this type of work is not within a 5 band score.
## where students should live during college?

  
  
It is said to be more beneficial for university learners to reside in schools instead of living with parents . Although staying at schools could perhaps provoke some advantages but personally I completely disagree this idea for a number of reasons which will be outlined in this essay.  
  
On the one hand , staying in campus daily actually has some advantages for themselves . Firstly , it will gradually make a formatation of their new independent life . Students must be aware of what they have to take actions like self-study , doing personal hygiene properly , preparing schedule steamlinely and so on . Secondly , people will have trouble in dealing with a variety of diffculty and how to solve those issues is firmly challenging without parents and it leads to that learners will realize and receive more expriences in life and afterall matureness and resourcefulness are two thoughts that they should be in compliance with if they want to success in uncoming life.  
  
On the other hand , it simultaneously has few drawbacks as soon as people never desire to cope with . To begin with , living far from home can tackle a lack of parental sentiment , homesickness . Its problems could partly influence on their study and easily distract on these consequences . Therefore , study results maybe increasingly bad and Neglecting from study can become unavoidable consequence for them .  
  
In conclusion , it is inargueable that staying in school are both beneficial and disadvantegeous in many aspects and in my viewpoint , this issue is extremely important to play a vital role of development of students mentally and intelectually .
Try to be a little more creative in presenting your paraphrase paragraph. Make sure you truly understand what the prompt is all about. While your presentation is alright, it could have been clearer and more detailed in presentation, which would have resulted in a higher TA score. For example, you could have written:  
  
*Students attending college often change their residences to dormitories or apartments. Some people believe that this is a good thing because the undergraduate student will learn to live independently, as opposed to if they continued to reside with their folks. Personally, I find myself to be in disagreement with this opinion.*  
  
Notice how I completely rephrased the original prompt and used various words to refer to keywords from the original prompt? These changes will ensure a higher TA score and increased chances of a higher LR and GRA score.  
  
For the discussion itself, this type of essay will be made stronger if you discuss it in a manner that shows 2 schools of thought per paragraph. For example, I would discuss it this way:  
  
*According to those who believe students should live away from their parents during college, they should do so in order to become independent adults. I say that the term "adulting" was developed for a reason. Nobody just becomes an adult, these students can learn how to become responsible adults only with the guidance of their parents. It is the job of parents to teach them how to be good adults, how to handle money, what do do in case of certain instances, and other similar things that a college student on his own in a dormitory may not easily know to do on his own. Just because a person is grown up does not mean he no longer requires his parents guiding hand.  
  
Then, there are some who say that... While that may be true, my belief is that...*  
  
The strongest possible discussion in an argumentative essay is always one that will take the contradicting opinion and then show the flaw in that reasoning. By discussing in that manner, the essay presentation will show that you have a good understanding of the topic in relation to coherence and cohesiveness, allow for a wider mix of sentences and punctuation uses (GRA), and allow you to use a variety of simple and complex English words (LR).  
  
BTW, there are several grammatical errors in this essay but those are not as important to correct as it is to show you a better way to handle this discussion. Besides, the LR mistakes do not hamper the understanding of your writing so while you will not get a very high score in that section, you would not get too many points deductions for it either.
## developments in Meadowside village and Fonton town

  
  
**The maps below show the changes that have been taken place in Meadowside village and Fonton, a neighbouring town, since 1962.**  
  
The illustrations show the developments in Meadowside village and Fonton town from 1962 until today. Over the time period, both areas witnessed significant changes.  
  
In 1962, Meadowside and Fonton were two separated lands with limited area. As can be seen, Fonton town was more spacious compared to its neighboring village; thus, there was a railway runs from the north-west to the south-east of the town.  
  
During the 23 years period, while Fonton only increased its area, Meadowside village experienced dramatic renovations. In 1985, the area of Meadowside expanded by 4 times approximately, with modern facilities being built which causes the area to become a more appealing destination. In the west of the village, a housing estate was constructed, right next to a leisure complex and above a big road running across Meadowside. A super store was located in the south, next to the expanded road connecting Meadowside and Fonton.  
  
Ultimately, Meadowside village and Fonton town united as a massive area with a station in the centre. There was a hotel to the north of the station and a railway which runs from the station to the east of the town. A business park was built in the south. Strikingly, Meadowside has modernized from a village into a suburb.  
  
*
You should have indicated that the years included were 1962, 1985, and the present. That missing information makes your summary introduction incomplete in presentation. Your comparisons are acceptable, except in the last paragraph. You failed to detail the expansion of the town with the business center, hotel, and other aspects of modernization. The railway also expanded its service in the present time. I would not say that this is a very accurate representation of the map. Rather, it is a relatively complete presentation. Data is missing from the report. Thus the TA score for this essay will not be as high as it potentially could have been. Remember that you have to analyze the information. That means, you should take the time to study every illustration and make sure that every aspect is presented for the benefit of the reader. Don't leave anything to chance. Always double check your information against the drawing. That is the only way to make sure that your TA score will be high in this task.
## the best approach for donating money to community

  
  
In this modern era, the question of whether making a direct donation or giving funds to aid groups is more beneficial has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although rendering money to aid agency is not without demerits, the upsides will be far more significant.  
  
On the one hand, the preponderance of direct relief is that donators could support the underprivileged who live in their community. First, this approach would help the benefactors know how their donations are used. Plenty of evidence suggests that there are numerous illegal charity foundations established with the purpose of pocketing others' money and even non-cash items such as books, clothes et cetera. Second, via face-to-face conversation supporters will have better understanding about the need of people who are under harsh life, which means that there will not be any prodigality of the donation.  
  
On the other hand, there are a number of compelling reasons why people deem that giving money to charitable organizations is the best strategy. First, since aid agencys often invite journalists to write articles about there campaigns for media purpose. This implies that the donors' names would be well-known, which eventually be conducive to their reputation. Second, members of these organizations are frequently trained to make a donation. It is likely that they would be better at holding fund-raising events owing to ther practical experiences, which may bring out more merits now and down the road.  
  
To sum up, the idea of rendering money to aid agencies would be more attractive. By considering all the pros and cons, donators could find their best approach.
Please remember to provide a copy of the original prompt next time so that you can receive a more specific review of your work. Without it, only a general review may be given. You have written just enough words to make it past the minimum word count. That is not to say that the number of words will immediately boost your score. You still have several grammatical issues to address in this essay.  
  
You have misspelled a few words in the essay. Agencys should be spelled as "Agencies" for plural or "agency's" to signify ownership. You spelled the word "the" are "ther". Please pay particular attention to the LR section of your writing. Incorrect spelling of words will result in heavy points deductions for that section of scoring.  
  
You show an unfamiliarity with the use of similar sounding words. "... articles about there campaigns" is incorrect. There should be "their". This is a serious GRA error that will definitely highlight your inability to properly form English sentences.  
  
There are some minor errors in your writing as well. However, I wanted to highlight the major errors in your writing style that will have a direct effect on your final score. I hope to give you a more detailed review of your future work. Just remember to include the original prompt next time.
## how often americans eat at fast food establishments

  
  
Here is my essay  
  
The bar chart illustrates how often USA citizen ate at fast food restaurants from 2003 to 2013. Overall, it can be seen that majority of Americans ate once a week and one to two times a month. Also evident is the fact that only a few people ate at fast food restaurants daily or none at all.  
  
In 2003, the frequency of people eating at fast food establishments weekly and once or twice a month is two third (31% and 30% respectively). The figure increased to about 33% for those who ate weekly while those who fell under once or twice a month category dropped to 25% in 2006. 2013 then experienced a slight fall in once a week category to approximately 27%. In stark contrast, however, more people ate at fast food restaurants once or twice a month in 2013 as seen by the increase to about 33%.  
  
As for the lower proportions, those who ate daily or never ate at all made up under 5% for the whole periods. The several times a week category accounted for about 17% while those who ate a few times a year made up only 15%.  
  
*
There should only be one trending statement in the report. Your opening summary contains two trending statements. You should only pick one measurement to present at the end of the paragraph. In addition to that, you should have included a summary of the groups being measured. You could have said:  
  
*The bar graph contains a listing of the fastfood eating habits of Americans. The measurement covers the specific years of 2003, 2006, and 2013. The indicators used were the convenience meal frequency on a daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly basis. Percentages were used to indicate the number of people surveyed. It appears that the there was an equal percentage of citizens who ate food on the go once a week and once or twice a month.*  
  
Try to use a more consistent figure presentation. I do not advise using fractional presentations in a report that has a chart which clearly uses percentage figures. While some will say that changing the presentation of the numbers will show a wide vocabulary, they fail to consider that Task 1 is all about summary accuracy and English comprehension skills. Which is why only the actual data provided should be indicated in the summary. You have to show that you understand exactly what the report says and that you can rephrase everything in a manner that will remain clear to a reader who will most likely not have a copy of the image to compare your report to.