dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
First paragraph - career instead carrer  
  
Second paragraph - when you're writing **it also has been observed that children which ...**, mention the source here. Not every child belonging to a poor family ends up having bad habits impacting their future. Try to mention a few reports or studies to support your argument.  
  
Third paragraph - elaborate the reasons a little bit more and not just language barriers or environmental hazards.  
  
Fourth paragraph - Your concluding remark seems a little superficial. You need to still work on the opinion part of the answer.
Vivek, you turned this essay into a single point of view discussion when it should have been a 3 point of view essay. Simply using the terms " On the one side" and "On the flip side" does not mean you are discussing 2 PUBLIC points of view. That means you are discussing only your singular point of view. That is why the 5 paragraph opinion essay became a 4 paragraph single point of view discussion.  
  
Why am I so sure that this requires the 3 point of view discussion? Read the prompt. It indicates the following keywords "Some people" and "Others believe" refer to the public point of view. That is why, in the prompt instructions where it says "Discuss both views", you need to refer to the public opinion for 2 paragraphs before referring to your personal point of view. Your personal point of view should be based upon your understanding of the 2 public points of view.  
  
That is why the essay that you wrote will be considered tangential in response and as such, be scored only on the personal opinion discussion, which will not be able to pull up your score to a passing one because of the other sentence structure, vocabulary, and clarity of discussion problems with your essay. In order to have a chance of writing a passing essay, you need to have discussed the other 2 points of view as well from the public point of view.  
  
Your personal opinion should have been referenced in the discussion by starting a stand alone paragraph with the words "In my opinion" or "Based on the public reasons, I believe that..." Ownership of the statements create a clear idea as to who is speaking and what point of view is being presented (public or personal).
Linh, I believe that you should be arguing this case from the point of view of the separation of church and state. The state is not allowed to look into religious matters by the constitution and therefore, the government should not be banning the hijab as that is a representative of religious freedom in the country. As such, it is the religious rights of the person that is infringed upon. A right that is protected by the constitution and should therefore be respected as a part of their basic human rights. Your discussion does not really lay a clear legal foundation for your claims as you seem to be basing it on religious practice as opposed to religious freedoms that have been protect both directly and indirectly by the separation of church and state.  
  
It will be better for your essay is you look into precedents for this discussion (if any). Look into news reports coming out of France related to the enforcement of the hijab rule and consider the legalities being presented in the discussion. Based on your new information, you should be able to come up with a more legal versed and acceptable discussion as opposed to your current public and personal opinion discussion. You need to gain a better understanding of the law that France is trying to enforce and what actual previous laws it may be violating in the country when it comes to religious freedom.
## forest area - diagram analysis

  
  
*The table shows forested land in millions of hectares in different parts of the world.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.  
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.*  
  
my essay:  
  
The diagram indicates forest area of different districts around the world in 1990, 2000 and 2005.  
Apparently, forest area of Oceania is the least and Europe has the largest forest land. We can also find that the area of forest land in South America and Africa decreased a lot from 1990 to 2005.  
  
It is clear that the total area of woods in Oceania in 1990, 2000 and 2005 has never been over 200 millions of hectares which is far less than woods areas of other districts. The area of European forest in 1990, 2000 and 2005 is around 1000 millions of hectares which is the most among all districts.  
  
We can see that in 1990 the forest land area of South America is 946 millions of hectares. However, in 2005 it drops to 882 millions of hectares. African forests were faced with the same issue: from 1990 to 2005, its area went down from 749 to 691 millions of hectares.  
  
THANKS FOR YOUR HELP!  
  
*
Emma, you need to be precise when it comes to describing the image that is presented to you for analysis. That means, you need to know the difference between a diagram, a chart, a table, and a graph. The graphs come in various forms as well. You need to make sure to use the right descriptive term for the image otherwise you relay wrong information to the reader. What you have here is a table, not a diagram. A diagram is a drawing of a series of instructions for the development of a product or place. You must familiarize yourself with these terms otherwise, you will lose LR points as your vocabulary usage will be incorrect in succeeding essays.  
  
You are lacking another paragraph presentation in this essay. The best scoring is achieved by 4 paragraph presentations composed of 3-5 sentences each. Your paragraphs should have been divided into sentences. What you presented are more of run-on and long sentence presentations, which will have an adverse effect on your GRA score. Take note of these mistakes. Even if you write more than the required 150 words, if you do not follow the correct format, then point deductions can occur based on scoring considerations and rules.
The government funding for art and culture  
  
**Others think supporting cultural activities may be beneficial for the population and the culture. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.**  
  
People have different views about the effectiveness of financial supporting for artistic and cultural activities. In my view, the benefits of spending money on art and culture are more significant than the downsides.  
  
On the one hand, it cannot be denied that financing for art and culture activities may occupy a large amount of money that the government can spend on other more important needs. It is extremely pricey to acquire good specimens of art and culture in order to enhance the quality of collections of museums and art galleries open to the public. Therefore, government should allocate their money on education, health care and transportation which would more directly impact on the lives of the population. By this way, citizens have been provided opportunities not only to enhance their knowledge but also to raise a higher standard of living by modern medical facilities and developed infrastructure.  
  
On the other hand, I would agree with those who believe that allocating subsidy on art and culture is highly meaningful. The main reason for this view is that national budget for the development and sustenance of arts helps boost the country's economy. The more traditional features are displayed in each artworks, the more tourists from all over the world are attracted to the art galleries, which can generate more benefits and revenue in return. Another reason for this opinion is that it is no doubt that art is a supplement for human soul which are effective sources of venting our frustration and depression as well as improving our emotional intelligence.  
  
In conclusion, I would argue that the advantages of spending money on art and culture do outweigh the disadvantages.
**IMPRESSIVE !**, i have learned how to write a real introduction of yours, you paraphrased so good while i just usually using synonyms, grammars bla bla to paraphrase and i also learn lots of new vocabs from yours. BUT! I think see some of your mistakes which is:  
  
- 1st line( count from the essay ): ~~financial supporting~~ should be **financially** because supporting is a verb right :) ?  
- 6th line: i think u use the wrong word which is "population", instead u should use "citizens" or "people" ( i know u việt nam so i will explain this for u and u will see how this is weird :), this is the translation: ".... tác động trực tiếp đến cuộc sống của "dân số" while this should be "người dân" :), u know what i mean :) !  
  
-10th line: helps boosting not helps boost i think :)  
In conclusion, i think the your essay is nearly flawless but some of the mistakes make it come "unflawless" :))) So.. good luck !
Pham, This is a 5 paragraph essay. The body of paragraphs need to cover 3 represented topics as per the prompt instructions. The body should be composed of:  
  
1. Public opinion 1  
2. Public opinion 2  
3. Personal point of view  
  
Or any variation thereof. By variation, I mean you can write about those topics in no particular order in the body, as long as all 3 points of view are represented. In your essay, you only cover the personal point of view in both instances. That means your essay is only partially correct in discussion format and will be scored accordingly. It will be difficult for this essay to get a passing score in this instance due to the missing discussion requirements.  
  
Your prompt paraphrase is also incorrect because you do not represent the topic for discussion and discussion method in the correct manner. Now, it is obvious that you did not post the original prompt requirement as there is only one point of view indicated in your instructions. So I cannot show you a sample of how to properly word the prompt paraphrase.  
  
In all honesty, this is a careless piece of work that did not take the original instructions into account when it was being written. It will not be scored well on all 4 aspects due to the haphazard writing style and lack of proper discussion presentation.
## treating pets by human

  
  
**A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research.  
  
Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
Throughout many centuries, there is a myriad of people believe that animals are born to be eaten or analyzed for scientific purposes. Personally, i see this too cruel and completely disagree with this point of view.  
  
First of all, in some parts of the world, it has been proven that eating creatures or surveying them is a brutal,disgusting activity. The reason is because some of the animals have nearly same characteristics,brain,activity as humans, so why they cannot having the right to become the human, which they have independent and freedom. Take the eastern culture as an example. They have said that animals are reincarnated from the human beings and the reason they become animals is because they have done many bad things in the earthly world. Therefore, if the humans kill and eat those poor creature, it means they kill and eat themselves too.(right :) )  
  
In addition, some of the people say that meat of the animals are nutritious and necessary. In fact, they are actually have some needed-nutrition, but downsides of them are too much. To be more specific, the downsides are the hugh cholesterol in them which could create many health problems like hardening, narrowing the elasticity in arteries or blood vessel or even cancer. Thus, instead of consuming unwholesome food, why dont the humans try to eat whole food that based on plant, which is much more healthier and more safe.  
  
In conclusion, eating and researching on animals are savage and painful, they should not be despised and should be appreciated, respected, and maintained.( i know sb wont believe what i have written here but u should google it, of course deeply )  
  
*i will really appreciate who give me the comments or feedback about anything in myessay !*
Thank you so much for your commendation! Now it's my turn to give you some suggestions:  
  
1. I think your essay digressed from the main topic. I think you are confused between **Discussion and Opinion** (to what extent).  
=> You should analyse some **model essays** to distinguish different types and learn the way to structure your essays.  
  
2. Some words should not be repeat many times like **more, too**  
  
3. In my view, you should avoid to use **too** in your academic essay (it's quite informal)  
  
4. You can use some complex sentences with **NOT ONLY BUT ALSO, AS WELL AS**,... instead of listing many Nouns or Ving ( *nearly same characteristics,brain,activity as humans* ; *like hardening, narrowing the elasticity in arteries or blood vessel or even cancer* ; *should be appreciated, respected, and maintained*)
Hi! I'm not a professional , but I do see some points needed to be improved here.  
1. myriad of people who believe that  
2. so why they cannot having ---------so why cannot them have  
3. Take the eastern culture as an example. ------- use the comma  
  
I'm also preparing for IELTS. There are some difficult vocabularies here that I don't understand. However, you should also be careful on some basic grammars! Good luck!
**Read the following information.  
You have been using the same credit card for the past 10 years with no issues. On your last bill, you noticed an unfamiliar $50 charge. You did not recognize this transaction and are certain that this is a mistake.**  
  
## Write an email to the credit card company in about 150 - 200 words.

  
  
Dear credit card customer service,  
  
I am writing to draw your attention towards an unknown charge of $50 on my last bill, which was issued on September 2nd. The unexpected payment was at Pet Smart store three weeks ago that drove me bewildered. The transaction accumulated to the total I'd used so as a result, I was over limit for what I could pay. What occurred caused a wrong amount on my bill.  
  
I assured that it is a mistake because neither I nor my husband raises any pet at our apartment. Occasionally, I stop at Pet Smart store with one of my friend although I usually end up my visit without purchasing any food or accessories for pet. Therefore, there should have not had any charge at the store.  
  
Being your loyal customer for the last 10 years, I'd made an effort to call your customer service but the line was busy, so I decided to write this email. It would be so nice of you to send me a new bill with an extension of due date and discharge the $50 on it. In addition, I refuse to pay for the credit I'd owed until I receive new information from your company.  
  
Sincerely,  
Han Nguyen
Han, you cannot be driven bewildered because being bewildered is a state of being perplexed and confused; very puzzled. You can be driven crazy or driven up the wall, but never driven bewildered. There is no such thing as an unknown charge on a credit card because the store where the transaction was made is always indicated. That transaction should instead be referenced as a misposting or mistaken posting on your card. There is a confusing reference in your first paragraph:  
  
The transaction accumulated to the total I'd used so as a result,  
- Did you mean to say that the transaction forced you to go over your credit card limit instead? I'm not entirely sure what you meant to say here. Remember, don't thinkin your language then translate to English. That is how you end up with confusingly worded sentences such as the above example. Think in English, write in English.  
  
You do not ask the credit card company to discharge the $50, you ask them to deduct it. Deduct means to remove from a balance while discharge means to tell (someone) officially that they can or must leave a place or situation. You should not be saying you refuse to pay but rather that you hope an investigation as to how the error occurred and that you will cooperate with them. By the way, you don't need to explain to them that you went to PetSmart with a friend but did not buy anything. That is irrelevant to the misposting.  
  
While you do have several errors in the presentation of this letter, you did manage to present all the required information and expectations as to how the problem can be resolved. If your grammar issues are not considered, this letter is somewhat acceptable in presentation.
A friend has agreed to look after your house and pet while you are on holiday.  
Write a letter to your friend. In your letter  
· give contact details for when you are away  
· give instructions about how to care for your pet  
· describe other household duties  
  
## Letter to a friend

  
  
Dear Ali,  
As you know I am going to Islamabad for my holidays from 1st OCT to 20th OCT I will living with Saeed in there you can send me message or call any time on the Viber number. I have placed my contact number on sticky note kitchen door as I usually do.  
  
Take care of jerry she takes milk twice a day morning and evening time. She likes fresh fruit cake in breakfast and evening as well. Don't worry about her bath she takes bath every day by herself.do not feed her without the schedule.  
  
Water the flower and clean the kitchen every night. Don't leave any kind of cooked food in the kitchen it will make bad smell. One important thing is to pay the electric bill which is due by next week. Always lock the door and check it before leaving to the office.  
  
See you soon  
Thanks  
Your Aimal khan,
Hi Aimal,  
I have a few feedback regardless of your writing:  
  
1/ I think your letter looks like an order letter more than a letter of seeking help from your friend. Most of the words that are using in your letter is a bare Verb, which related to order people to do something like a boss.  
  
2/ In the 1st sentence, I think you need some conjunction in between sentences because they are too long and It causes me confused of reading.  
  
3/ Your prompt is not clear enough to know how many words should you write in this email
Aimal, this is more of a listing of duties you are ordering your friend to undertake rather than a request for a friend to do some of your duties while you are away. You have a problem using connecting words. You don't use the words and, be, where, a, and other connecting reference words. Which is why your grammar is not very good and your sentence structure is very poor in every line.  
  
Another grammar issue is your problem with word capitalization. While you did capitalize the name of Saeed and Ali, you should have also capitalized the name Jerry, even if the name belongs to your pet. It is still a proper noun and needs to be written as such. You are also prone to redundancies. Asking your friend to feed the cat twice a day implies a morning and evening feeding unless otherwise specified. Your last sentence in that paragraph needs to be capitalized at the start.  
  
You do not water a flower. You water THE flowers. FYI, you do not ever ask a friend to pay for your bills. That is something you do personally. Your last sentence is grammatically incorrect. It should read as :  
  
*Always lock the door and check all the locks in the house before leaving for the office.*
## pros and cons of study

  
  
*"Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to the successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views."*  
  
After graduated high school, many people attends universities or colleges for higher education diploma, while some get a job right away. There are benefits and drawbacks in both routes.  
  
When attend classes in universities, firstly, you get to learn theories or skills and gain knowledge of how to be successful in the field that you choose. Secondly, you can make more connections with people that go to the same school with you. Thirdly, in today's market, many companies want to employ people based on their academic background and their resume. In some universities, they offer internships for their students, which can also elevate their students' resumes. In contrast, you have to invest in thousands of dollars for two to four years of education.  
  
On the other hand, the advantage of having a job straight after secondary school is that you can experience more while working in the career that you chose, and earn some money, which you can save up and buy a house earlier than people that go off to college, not only that, you can also start a new family and settle down earlier. However, you may have to experience failures from the mistakes that you can avoid through classes in universities. Also, people that go to work right after high school can also be limited with choices of career, because of the academic qualifications that many companies have and their inexperience.  
  
In conclusion, there are pros and cons in both decisions that people could make after high school.
Hi Hoa  
Your content is good; however, there are grammar mistakes in your essay.  
  
1/ You say "many people attends" , I believe that it should be "attend" instead. And there are so many repeated words in your essay.  
2/ The 1st paragraph, we use V-ing after "when". And It should be a (.) instead of (,) when you indicated your first point of view. You did well with the 2nd, the 3rd view points.  
  
3/ Your discussion ideas (pros and cons) are unclear and there are no opening sentence as well as closing sentence for each paragraph.  
4/ Your conclusion paragraph is too short.
Hoa, why are you discussing pros and cons in an essay that is asking you to discuss "both points of views"? Pros and cons are a totally separate prompt instruction. When public points of view are mentioned, such as in this essay, you are supposed to stick to only a comparison discussion of the essay based on the given prompt information. For this essay, the two discussion reasons for the body of paragraphs should have been limited to:  
  
1. Studying at university or college is the best route to the successful career  
2. Others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school  
  
Your actual discussion has too many superfluous topics for discussion when the above 2 reasons where all the reasons you needed to justify in the presentation. This would have helped to show that you understood the instructions and the focus of the discussion without having to go overboard with your discussion topics.  
  
All of your paragraphs carry topic sentences but no justifiable reasons for your presentation. A completely developed paragraph needs to have valid explanations and samples that support the given statement. However, since you just kept enumerating reasons rather than properly discussing its supporting data, all of your paragraphs are under developed, not very coherent, and definitely not concise presentations. Good work on the transition sentence in your second paragraph though. It was well developed and clear in thought presentation.  
  
Had you focused your essay on a single defensive topic for each point of view, your essay would have been better off and above the word count in a good way. Writing only 250 words indicates a lack of English vocabulary on your part because you did not even try to write more words, at least 275, in order to show your LR skills to the reviewer, which could have been used to increase your overall score.