dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Topic: *Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender?*  
  
## Equality at work a workplace

  
  
Actually, there are some jobs that the cardinal workforce is male such as police, director In contrast, the rate of female in profession is higher than that one for example : beautician. However, it doesn't mean all. The world still has police who are the girls, beauticians who are the boys. And in this life, we need to support equality. Don't have certain thought like the past that males must do these jobs females must do those job.  
  
Firstly, it is not unfair. In equality society, humans have free rights. They can choose jobs which they want. In contrast, if it is right to exclude makes or females from certain professing because of their gender. It means that the freedom of humans is lost. For me,  
  
Who are you, you have your privated passion, you will succeed if you try. Government and society said that they would create all chances for citizens to pursue their dream. In this case, this sentence will not be accepted. Because it prevents somepeople from their dream.For example, if i want to be a carpenter, it will not be true as it is the job for male but i am a girl.  
  
Secondly, if we still do it, gerder inequality will continue increasingly. While the father is a director, the mother is a housewife. While the father goes out everyday that he can enjoy the life, the mother is only at home and around the kitchen. Therefore, we can see the distinguish obviously. We do not eliminate this problem,but also we are making it better. Why must we think so? Why don't we give to woman a chance that she can present herself. I sure that she can do anything that we can not imagine.  
  
In conclusion, gender equality should be encouraged. Society needs to create opportunities for everyone. As a result, humans can have experiences in many fields, the life will become equality and happy.
i think u should not start ur writing with "Actually", u can use "In society" instead.  
Your first part really make me confused."there are some jobs that the cardinal workforce is male such as police, directorIn contrast, the rate of female in profession is higher than that one for example : beautician."  
  
wih Beautician,u should make a dependent sentence.  
  
The structure is quite good.u divide in to paragraph with Firsty,secondly.  
But i feel that u still translate from Vietnmaese to English.
Hang, you need to work on how you respond to the direct question essay questions. Your response is not very effective because your opening paragraph doesn't follow the require paraphrasing and discussion instruction representation which would have better kicked off your reasoning discussions in the succeeding paragraphs. Since this is your first essay here, let me show you a better method of presenting this restated paragraph:  
  
*Males and females have been know to have highly different strong and weak points. That is why there has been some discussion as to whether certain people should be prevented from performing certain professions or tasks due to the publicly perceived gender limitations. In my opinion, I believe that gender should not be considered when assigning a job to a person. Rather skills and ability should be the center of the qualifying reason for assigning a task to a person.*  
  
You should continue your reasoning discussion from there. While your GRA and LR weaknesses truly prove to be a problem for you in this essay, you somehow managed to get your point across in a manner that the reader can easily understand. That is a good thing for your scoring consideration in those aspects. However, you should avoid using connecting words such as "Because" or "And" at the start of sentences because there are no ideas to connect in such a presentation.  
  
Try to better develop your explanations in the essay by offering comparative points in the paragraph. For example, why can a female carpenter also perform in the same manner as a male carpenter? Explain it, give examples to help the reader understand your reasoning in a clearer or better manner.
TYPE: ARGUMENTATIVE ESSAY (CHOOSE 1OF3)  
TOPIC: HOW SHOULD WE FILE THE COMPLAINT IS MOST EFFECTIVE?  
PORTIONS: 1. IN PERSON 2. OVER THE PHONE 3. BY E-MAIL  
  
## Methods of writing an official complain

  
  
With the advanced technology, many products have been invented to resolve dilemmas in our daily lives. The transaction, as an example, frequently exists some problems. If I had to complain to the seller about the detective items, I would do it over the phone. My reasons for taking a stance regarding to the issue will be expounded in the following paragraphs.  
  
In communication, humanizing the social formality, the wisdom assembled by all the people in the world has been in favor of closing the interpersonal distance. Thus, the phone was born, which has also derived some sorts of the phone for the past years such as cellphone, smartphone and so on. Otherwise, they can not only be used anytime and anywhere, but not be influenced by the inclement weather. In contrast, if you intend to complain to the seller in person, you might either waste much time for taking the vehicle and sticking in traffic jam or encounter the ineluctable accident.  
  
Irrefutably, e-mail has the same advantage of the phone, but it couldn't let the communication be got on with at that time. Once one of the parties is offline, and the other party has to wait for the response for a long time until the next time who receives the e-mail. Nevertheless, complaining over the phone doesn't exist the drawback stated above and it can even imply the tone to make the conversation more vivacious. Sometimes it would facilitate the benign development of complaint, instead of misunderstanding the meaning resulted from the description in e-mail.  
  
Based on these above reasons, I consider complaining over the phone more efficient to expound on the complaint than by e-mail and in person.
Vincent, although you made a wise choice in choosing to complain over the phone, you did not support your stance in a convincing manner. You spoke of many things, but none of which connected with the reason why placing a complaint over the phone is the most advantageous in your opinion. You need to present reasons that support your stance such as:  
  
1. One does not need to go to the shop to file a complaint which would mean losing important time to do other things to travel time to and from the shop.  
  
2. All items these days have toll free numbers where a person can call to ask for help in using an item or file a complaint regarding a broken item / enforce an item warranty.  
  
3. Even if a person does not have a landline phone, he can file his complaint using his mobile phone.  
4. You speak to the company representative directly instead of a salesperson at the store so your complaint is resolved much sooner than if you had gone back to the store.  
  
Other similar justifications regarding phone complaint benefits would have properly supported your given opinion. At this point, none of your reasons align with the required discussion for your chosen method of complaining to a company.
Please give me some feedbacks for my IELTS Writing Task 2  
WRITING TASK 2 IELTS ( WRITING 2)  
  
## Extincting languages

  
  
*Ever year, several languages die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages. Give your opinion.*  
  
Many people are convinced that it is a waste of time to pay attention to the languages which are likely to be extinct. From my perspective, trying to preserve these languages have both advantages and disadvantages to a certain extent.  
  
On the one hand, saving these languages has variable benefits at varying degrees. The most important reason is that protecting languages of ethnic minorities synonyms with maintaining the diversity of our culture, which is a national issue and the government should bear the responsibility. Languages have an extremely close connection to our traditions, religions, society and what we had obtained in the past. If these languages disappear, scientists will have difficulties in doing research about the life in the past, which means some valuable resources will be buried forever.  
  
On the other hand, there are several reasons that prevent the government from investing money in conserving minority languages. It is reasonable that people assessed those as unnecessary languages because these languages are peculiar to a small amount of the ethnic minorities living in some isolated area. If these languages run the risk of extinction or even being disappeared, nothing will change in our social life since more popular languages have greater influences on the world like English. More importantly, a more substantial number of social issues deserve adequate funding from the government than less well-known languages. For instance, diseases are those which have a directly impact on the human and it will be unfair to pay for languages while ignoring human demands.  
  
In conclusion, it is quite vital for every countries to cater money for protecting languages of ethnic minorities whereas the government should not spend money preserving all languages but investing in finding solutions for social issues.  
  
(My actual writing essay contains 289 words)
Ngoc, why are you focused on the government responsibility in preserving languages when the essay is asking you to discuss if you agree that having fewer languages in the world, not just in your country, will be more beneficial? You have narrowed down the focus of the discussion to be only within your country when you are being asked for an international point of view / opinion for the discussion. This is not and advantage/disadvantage, nor an extent essay. This is a direct opinion essay that requires you to decide whether you agree that allowing international languages to become extinct will be more beneficial for the world. It is not about language preservation, it is about how the world will be easier to live in because people will, in the future, be speaking common languages instead.  
  
Think of this essay in terms of the business world. The international business community has become smaller and easier to navigate for businessmen who study languages. The business languages are English, Spanish, French, and Chinese (Mandarin, Cantonese, Fookien, etc.). As such, it has become easier for businessmen to travel the world and discuss with their counterparts. This is evidence that having fewer languages will benefit society in general.  
  
This is the main reason why I believe that you did not appropriately discuss the prompt requirement. You focused on the wrong argument in the essay which means you did not totally understand what the prompt was asking you to do.
*Please give me detailed score for this essay. Thanks!*  
  
## geothermal power plant For electricity

  
  
**The diagram below shows how geothermal energy is used to produce electricity. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.**  
  
*My answer:*  
  
The diagram illustrates the process of geothermal power plant taking advantage of subterranean heat to generate electricity. Generally, the electricity manufacturing comprises a total of 5 procedural steps. Each of them will be specifically stated and compared whenever possible regarding from the cold water input to the electricity outcome as follows.  
  
Overall, there are five stages in the process, beginning with the cold water pumping down to the well farther underground. What proceeds is the fluid is injected into the geothermal basin, next into the production wells and pumped up to the condenser. The final course is that the output from the condenser operates turbine and generator for electricity production.  
  
Taking a look at the first three stages of the process, there are two wells drilled at the same depth of 4.5 kilometres that allow water on the surface to access the geothermal zone underground. First, cold water is pumped from a tank on Earth down into the injection well. Second, after entering geothermal strata, cold water permeates hot rocks and absorbs the thermal heat on the way through. Third, the production well receives the scalding hot water and pumped it up into the condenser at 4,5 km above.  
  
The last two steps are carried out on the Earth's surface. Initially, when the geothermal now-heated water enters the condenser, it evaporates and releases some steam through a pipe to the last chamber. In this chamber, the vapour courses into the turbine and powers it to rotate. Sequentially, the generator which is activated by the turbine generates and transmits electricity into the national grid.  
  
*
Huyen, you have written too many words for this essay. You need to write between 150-200 words only in order to maintain the quality of your writing. The quality is maintained by being able to proof read your work and correct the errors after writing your draft. Don't expect your first round of writing to be the final one, which is why you wrote so many words. If you don't edit, revise, and proof-read, you will turn in an imperfect, unchecked paper that will allow for multiple scoring deductions on your part. Always use a timer to make sure that you have written within the time limitation and that you have left an ample amount of time with which to edit the paper.  
  
Since this is a Task 1 essay, you do not have to be very wordy in the description. As long as you properly describe the process and you stick to the instructions, you will have a proper restatement of the illustration. With only 20 minutes for this task, you need to make sure that you keep it short for the reasons I mentioned in the previous paragraph. Overall though, this is a good interpretation of the drawing. By the way, don't describe it as a simple diagram, call it an illustrative diagram because it contains worded instructions as well as a drawing of the process.  
  
In the first paragraph, you need a comma to separate the process from the point where the water enters the production wells then pumped into a condenser. You need a comma between the two statements because those are 2 separate but connected instructions.  
  
With regards to the digits indicated int he drawing, I know that you use commas in your country to indicate decimal points. That is not the international standard for writing out these digits. Always stick to the way it is shown in the drawing. That means, you have to say it is 4.5 kilometers instead of 4,5 km. The way you interpret the data has to be interpreted the same way by the reader so do not use localized interpretations. Use the original interpretations for TA purposes.  
  
Your individual scoring is as follows:  
  
TA , 8 - You have done a very good job in describing the 5 step process. You indicated all of the points for reference with an accurate description of the process per step.  
  
C&C , 8 - The paragraphs are well developed in terms of explaining the procedure and you properly collated the information into related presentations, separating the process at the exact points it was also done in the diagram.  
  
LR , 7 \_ You have a good grasp of the English language. Most of the terms were properly used in the paragraphs. Any mistakes are negligible and does not impede the understanding of the energy production process.  
  
GRA, 8 - Your sentences are mostly error free and only requires work on the signal words use such as the word "the". Aside from that, the sentences can be easily deciphered / understood by the reader.
## laws are needed to make people recycle more of their waste

  
  
**Some people claim that not enough of the waste from homes is recycled. They say that the only way to increase recycling is for governments to make it a legal requirement.  
  
To what extent do you think laws are needed to make people recycle more of their waste?**  
  
Many people believe that only little domestic wastes have been recycled; and hence, governments should be in position to accelerate the recycling process. This essay agrees with this suggestion due to its benefits. The essay will first examine how imposing laws on recycling affect people and then discuss other possible alternatives.  
  
Obviously, governments making legal requirements on recycling has a profound impact on the societies that forces people to recycle their household wastes one way or another. Firstly, recycling policies adopted by governments can encourage inhabitants to follow the recycling process by categorizing their daily wastes and put them in the right places. Secondly, rules and regulations help deter people from not recycling. Apparently, violating these rules will result in harsh penalties.  
  
However, there are still some other alternatives to imposing laws on recycling. For instance, public awareness of recycling can be raised through mass media. Both the children and adults can be effectively educated about the importance of recycling and their own responsibilities. Also, children, from an early age, should be familiar with recycling once they get to know this from parents and schools. Moreover, recycling should also be improved and upgraded, even in rural areas, to encourage people to recycle. It is true to argue that unless people with have access to these facilities, they can be deterred from participating in the recycling process.  
  
In conclusion, I agree on governments imposing laws on recycling as it is effective against people not recycling. However, alternative ways to this are also undoubtedly impactful and should not be played down.
Daewi you totally missed the point of the essay discussion. Your approach to the essay is incorrect and did not discuss the topic presented based upon the instructions you were given in the original prompt. In fact, you did not make the point that the essay was hoping you would make until the very end of the essay, which means you totally missed the opportunity to write a passing essay. Even though you obviously understood the essay prompt, by not discussing it in the manner indicated, you ended up writing a failing essay. Why did you fail the essay? Let's have a look at the original instruction and how you wrote the essay. Compare the two and the reason should be immediately clear to you:  
  
Prompt Question: To what extent do you think laws are needed to make people recycle more of their waste?  
Your Response: This essay agrees with this suggestion due to its benefits. The essay will first examine how imposing laws on recycling affect people and then discuss other possible alternatives.  
  
I am sure that you can clearly see how your discussion is to be considered a prompt deviation and as such, will ensure that you do not get a passing mark for this essay. The reason for the non-passing mark will be that you changed the prompt topic and thus, discussed points not relevant to the discussion. You were asked to discuss whether there is a need for recycling laws in order to force people to reuse their reusable waste products, You instead discussed how recycling laws affect people and possible alternatives to recycling. Which totally misses the discussion mark for this essay. These are also the reasons why your essay will have a difficult time getting a passing score in an actual test.
## WATER CONSUMPTION

  
  
***The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.  
Write at least 150 words.***  
  
The six charts provide an overall view of how the usage of water varied among six regions on Earth (namely, North America, South America, Europe, Africa, Central Asia and South East Asia) with regards to three industries comprising industrial, agricultural and domestic sectors.  
  
As can be seen from the charts, there are four areas (South America, Africa, Central Asia and South East Asia) where the usage of water in agriculture accounted for the biggest share of each total water consumption. These places, however, recorded substantially inferior contribution of water to both industrial and domestic sectors in proportion to that of Europe and North America.  
  
First, it is evident from the information provided that Europe and North America were the two areas with the largest percentage of water use for industrial purpose-53% versus 48%. Africa and Central Asia were on the list as well, however, amounted for the smallest share, 7% and 5% respectively. On the other hand, Europe and North America reached the low end of the ranking in agricultural use, taking up 39% and 32% separately, while Central Asia ranked first at 88%. As for the two mentioned usages of water, the third and fourth place always belonged to South East Asia and South America.  
  
Moreover, we can observe that domestic sector in both Central Asia and South East Asia received the same lowest 7% of water overall. Otherwise, South America was domestically supported by the most significant water volume which equalled 19%. In addition to the greatest industrial water use, domestic water concentration was also remarkable in Europe and North America as their amount of water consumed by households followed closely behind South America's, having 13% to 15% in relation to each total.  
  
**I'd be so grateful if you do estimate my IELTS band score on this writing task 1.**  
  
*
domestic sector in ... same lowest 7% of water overall. -> the amount of water required to meet living demand in residential areas of both Central Asia and South East Asia accounted for the lowest of all regions with 7%.  
  
... water volume ~~which equalled~~ , taking a 19% share of grossing water used.  
  
use different phrase:  
account for=take up=take a % share of  
in agricultural use= meet agricultural need/ requirements/ demand/ urge (for water)= for farming/cultivation/ crop production/ husbandry= to cultivate/farm/produce crops  
industrial use= manufacturing purposes