dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## traffic on three suburban roads

  
  
*Hi guys, I decided to post my essay in writing task 1 and hopefully to get some useful advices from you. Please feel free to read and help me check when necessary.*  
  
**The table below shows the results of a survey of the average number of cars per hour using three suburban roads during working hours in a ten-year pollution monitoring programme. Traffic calming was introduced in Harper Lane at the beginning of 1999. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the data below.**  
  
The table illustrates the report about the average quantity of vehicles per hour driving on three residential areas during weekdays in a monitoring programme from 1993 to 2002.  
  
Overall, there was an upward trend in the number of cars passing through three given roads, but Harper Lane was the least polluted route.  
  
Between 1993 and 1998, Harper Lane witnessed a ninefold climb from just around an average of 100 cars per hour to roughly 900. Interestingly, this figure from Harper Lane in 1998 was the highest, compared to two other lanes. However, there was a slight fluctuation in Great York Way, increasing from an hourly rate 600 vehicles to nearly 700. Also, the traffic travelling down Long Lane oscillated dramatically and went up by exactly three quarters in 1998, from 400 to 700 cars.  
  
By the early 1999, the volume of traffic in Harper Lane declined sharply to an accuracy of 204 cars per hour due to the traffic calming measure, considerably fewer than last year. Thereafter, the number of cars driving through Harper Lane remained stable at just under 200. In contrast, since this measure wasn't implemented on other roads, the amount of traffic continued to rise until staying constant at the end of the period with an hourly average of 900 cars for Great York Way and 1400 cars for Long Lane.  
  
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@Wendynguyen803  
Hi there!  
  
Let me try to provide a substantial feedback for your essay.  
  
First and foremost, I think that the structure and organization of your analysis is already clear-cut and well-done. Most of my suggestions would therefore be accommodating to optimizing your essay. Taking into account that this is an interpretation-heavy content, it would be better if you can focus primarily on elaborating your thoughts with much distinction and grace. Doing so would definitely help you maintain a more in-depth format for your writing style to function more efficiently.  
  
For instance, observe the revisions I will make here:  
  
... hour to ~~roughly~~ 900. ~~Interestingly, t~~ This figure ... the highest~~,~~ compared to ~~two other lanes~~ others. ... from a~~n hourly~~ rate 600 ... ~~Also, t~~ The traffic ...  
  
I think that, in general, your writing style is already quite put-together because there's sufficient complexity in your utterances. I would only wish that you trim down the excessive fillers, focusing more on the general substance of the text.  
  
Best of luck as always!
**Nowadays parents give more freedom to their children than in the past. Is it a positive or negative development?  
Give your opinion and include relevant examples.**  
  
These days children are given lot more privacy and space by thier caretakers than they did in the last few decades. This increased liberty definitely acts as steppin stone to a charismatic personality and also serves valuable life experiences for the children, if it is used in right direction.  
  
There are numerous benefits of giving freedom to the children. Firstly, it thrives to improve their decision-making skills and bring out the best in them. Moreover, experience is the best teacher and children gain Lion's share of life experiences when they are on their own. To illustrate, a child who is free to make his or her life decision tend to learn a lot about interpersonal skills than their counterparts, especially when they make mistakes. Although when children are given more freedom they fall and make mistakes, these wrong and mistakes play an indispensable role in developing their personality and characteristics.  
  
While this increased freedom has several advantages, too much of anything may do more harm than good. Parents should know when to put down their foot to avoid undesirable consequences. Afterall, parents always think in the best interest of their children and putting certain boundaries may protect their offsprings from plethora of crimes. To illustrate, cyber crime is one of the biggest and most complicated problem in the cyber world and if given unlimited and unsupervised internet access to children may increase their susceptibility to fall prey to such crimes. Hence in certain situations, it is absolutely necessary to restraint children in order to protect them from mishaps  
  
In conclusion,giving freedom to children may teach them many life-surviving skills and bring out their best personality. However, interference in few situations by parents is utmost necessary in order to protect innocent children from becoming victims to crimes.
I think your essay is really good, with variety of vocabs and clear opinions throughout the paragraph. You mention both pros and cons of the problems so it is reachable. However, I was a little confused when reading the ideas in the second paragraph. The first idea is improving skills and the second is having experience, but you use interperrsonal skills as examples so I think the ideas are repeated.  
  
"Firstly, it thrives to (...) they make mistakes"  
  
I think you should divide these into two main ideas: first is improving first-hand skills such as decision-making or interpersonal ones. second is that children can experience more aspects in life which was previously controlled by parents, like they can travel on their own and broaden their horizons.  
  
Anyway, I think your essay is really good.  
Hope that my comments will be beneficial to you.
@Jipsa Jadwani  
Hi there!  
  
First and foremost, ensure that you would have clarity in the delivery of your message. It often occurs that there becomes misdirection and miscommunication because of the failed attempts to properly structure sentences. Always refer back to your English books in order to keep yourself clear of these typical mistakes.  
  
That being said, optimizing your essay would also be beneficial for you, given that it would enable you to have hold over the content to add more depth. Remember that the usage of excesses and fillers (especially when working within word counts) often hinder us from having creative discussions in the latter portions because we waste the space that should be allocated to them. Bear this in mind.  
  
Observe, for instance, the following revision:  
  
There are ~~numerous~~ benefits ... Firstly, it ~~thrives to~~ improve ... and brings out ... ... experiences ~~when they are on their own~~ in this way. ~~To illustrate, a~~ A child who ... life decisions tend to learn ~~a lot~~ about interpersonal skills than ~~their counterparts~~ others, especially ...  
  
Saying, for instance, the words *"to illustrate"* is often demonstrative of a specific example. Because, in your writing, this was more of a general analysis than a concrete illustration, it would be alright for you to omit these words.  
  
Bear these in mind as you are writing.  
  
Best of luck as always!
## Merits and demerits of gmo

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Topic: *Recently, genetically modified food has become a new solution to agriculture productivity. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages*  
  
In recent years, the term "genetically modified food" has become a controversial topic as its benefits for both food producers and consumers are companied by potential biomedical risks and environmental side effects. In my opinion, the consequences people may suffer from this kind of food can overshadow its merits.  
  
On one hand, it is understandable that genetically modified food is crucial to the food supply, especially in the stage of climate change. In particular, farmers may produce more and earn more profits on each crop they harvest thanks to the new strains of plants which can boost the productivity, combat against some common diseases, and adapt well to the changes of the environment. For example, in the southern areas of Vietnam where the lands are facing salt intrusion, many agricultural scientists have developed a rice variety that can withstand saltwater without reducing the amount of output. Therefore, regions considered as a granary of the world could maintain the growth rate in order to contribute to global food security.  
  
However, there are demerits that could not be ignored as it directly affects humans' health and the environment. First of all, there are pieces of evidence linking the symptoms of food allergies in not only young children to the period of time their parents have been exposed to the genetically modified food before giving birth but also the adults who consume this food regularly. This is partly because the mutated genes cause some unexpected reaction in the human body that does not naturally trigger if they are the original ones. Secondly, the whole ecosystem could be damaged since there are some unintentionally hybridized species may evolve and invade the living areas of the local flora. These species, to some extents, are the result of cross-breeding between genetically modified plants and others in nature. Finally, there are ideas raising awareness of a tiny possibility that humans genes could be changed, leading to abnormal behaviors as well as congenital malformation.  
  
In conclusion, although the genetically modified food brings a number of benefits to humans, it is still the culprit of some diseases and reckoned to be relevant to the extinction of several species resulting in the imbalance of the ecosystem.
@baonguyen  
Hello there!  
  
I see that you're new here. Welcome to the forum! I hope you find feedback that you're looking for to help you in your progress as an English learner.  
  
First and foremost, I find that your writing is quite put-together. There are no tremendous issues that cannot be resolved with minor revisions. I would only suggest that you try to optimize the space you have in your essay through omitting unnecessary words. This will give you more leverage and space to work with, enabling you to have more substantial content.  
  
Take a look at this revision:  
  
... especially in ~~the stage of~~ climate change. ~~In particular, f~~ Farmers may produce ~~more~~ and earn ... harvest ~~thanks to the~~ because of the new strains of plants  ~~which can ... the environment.~~  , boosting productivity, combating against common diseases, and adapting to environmental changes.  
  
Notice how consistency is also important when you are writing. It is insufficient to only have hold over one portion without having substantive input on other parts.
Hi, I am preparing for my Ielts exam in October, so I really hope that you guys can help me with my writing skill, and if you could give me a guess band, I will feel thankful for that.  
  
## encouraging people for vocational training?

  
  
**Too much emphasis is placed on going university for academic education. People should be encouraged to do vocational training, because there is a lack of qualified tradespeople such as electricians or plumbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
The recent shortage of qualified manual workers prompts many thinking that we should invest more in vocational education. I do not agree with this field as I think academic-related jobs will reap more benefits to our life.  
  
Firstly, the abundance of manual workers such as plumbers or electricians, equals the shortage of blue-collar jobs, could pull the society back since they just meet the basic demands of our life, compared to economists who could bring out development strategies or bankers who help smooth the flow of money.  
  
Secondly, given the proliferation of today's technology, it would be unwise for a country if they place more importance on jobs working by hands, as the lack of people in these jobs could easily be solved by the replacement of robots. In Japan, for instance, the prevalence of robots doing manual jobs has helped the country focus resources on high-skilled workforce in academic areas such as technology and engineering, leading to the wealthier economy and new helpful inventions.  
  
Thirdly, government should also take into consideration the preference of citizens when choosing their career. In the modern life which highly appreciate intellectual classes, parents want their children to follow non-manual jobs and climb higher in areas such as doctors, lawyers, on the grounds that these jobs are highly-paid and not as physically demanding as plumbers or electricians. More investments in vocational education, thus, may lead to a resentment amongst citizens.  
  
To conclude, owing to these reasons, it seems to me that should more attention and funding be paid to academic education as it will bring more advantages to the society and workers as a whole.
@suong1510  
Hi there!  
  
Good luck with your exam in October. I'll provide you with feedback on your writing.  
  
It is critical that you are able to write with ease while still compressing your thoughts into smaller chunks of sentences. If you are able to do this, you'll have more structure to work with in the long-run. Other than this, it is also beneficial as it would pave way for you to have more space to talk about substantial content. Because you have this, you'll be able to incorporate more terminologies and sentences that will help you curate meaningful written works.  
  
Watch out for lengthy sentences as well. Notice that, for instance, your second paragraph is not necessarily a paragraph - rather, it came out as a run-on sentence. Try to restructure your paragraphs in a manner that will articulate it fluidly and relay the information you have with more dynamism in the overall content.  
  
Consistency is also important. Are you planning to call them *manual workers* instead of *jobs working on hands*? Using one term to encompass all would help you streamline your writing, making your content a lot more academically appropriate.  
  
Lastly, be cautious of the way that you expound your thoughts. Say, in your third paragraph, it would be helpful if you can put more details as to how exactly these academic areas (tech/engineering) can assist the level of innovation present in a country.  
  
Best of luck as always!
## pros and cons of sponsoring education

  
  
Task 2: Children's education is expensive. In some countries, the government pay some of or all of the costs. Do the advantages outweigh its disadvantages?  
  
Nowadays. the tuition fees on children are expensive. In some nations. the government subsidise some of or all of the costs to help children have an access to learning. From my perspective, although this trend is not without disadvantages, the upsides will justify these.  
  
There are a number of drawbacks of this trend that will be mentioned . First, since government is willing to fun for education costs, it is likely to put more burden on national budgets. For example, other key fields, either economy or healthcare, is also needed much investment. When governments cover many aspects of education, they in turn force to impose more taxes on individuals, leading to put burden financial on low-income families. Second, it is likely to be unfair to childless people. This means, they incline to be unpleasant because they money is used not for their benefits.  
  
On the one hand, many benefits should be taken into account. First, funding for kids' education is of great benefit to families as well as society. In fact, in some case, parents are not able to afford the cost of education for their kids as their saving are meager. Therefore, this policies can open the opportunities of education for aspiring students, leading to enforce the quality of workforce in the long run. Second, by paying the tuition fees, parents can be released from the burden education fees, helping them have more budget to take goodcare of their kids in terms of food, clothes or medical care.  
  
In conclusion, with all convincing arguments mentioned above, it seems to me that the demerits will be overshadowed by merits.
@yuanyuan123  
Hello there!  
  
Welcome to the forum. Let me try my best to help you.  
  
Firstly, try to optimize your writing by using techniques that'll help you trim down and omit words that are merely fillers. Having a more straightforward approach to writing will help you create more dynamism in your writing, considering that it will force you to focus more on meaning and depth compared to other facets of writing.  
  
Observe how I will revise this portion:  
  
Nowadays. ~~the~~ tuition fees ~~on children~~ are expensive. ... some ~~of~~  or all of the costs to ~~help ... learning~~ improve educational accessibility. From my perspective, ~~although ... these.~~ this trend brings in advantages.  
  
Try to be clearer with your language and use more appropriate formal tones as you are going about it.  
  
Best of luck as always!
I think your ideas are good, and you should reduce redundant words to make your voice stronger. But I think this idea is not clear enough :"Second, it is likely to be unfair to childless people. This means, they incline to be unpleasant because they money is used not for their benefits." the idea is kind of short and not strengthened. You should bring an example to make it clear. But I think people will not think that they are unfair by paying taxes to other children's educational chance. So you should bring another idea that is more practical. For example, the funding in education will motivate children to study harder to climb higher as they can be fully sponsored by governments.
## Write a report for a university lecturer describing the chart.

  
  
A glance at the provided chart reveals the data about global sales of games software, CDs and DVD or video. Generally, the sales of games software and DVD went up through years. Meanwhile, that of CDs had tendency to decrease.  
  
We can see that, the sales of games software from 2000 to 2003 increased slightly. In detail, they rose about 2 billion each year and reached approximately 19 billion in 2003.  
  
When it comes to DVD, the number of people buying DVD/videos also climbed, but more sharply. In 2000, the sales of DVD/videos only accounted for under 20 billion. But then, within 3 years that number rocketed and reached over 30 billion in 2003, indicating a growth of 2 billion, compared to first year.  
  
By contrast, the number of CDs was sold started to go down minimally. During the same time period, the sales declined around 1 to 2 billion each year, from 35 billion in 2000 to about 32 million in 2003.  
  
Thanks for reading, please give me some comments to correct my mistakes and rec for me some synonym to prevent repeating words.  
  
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*The chart below gives information about global sales of games software, CDs and DVD or video.*
Hello there! Your writing is great!  
And this is my feedback:  
- In my opinion : instead of using the phrase" We can see that" , you can say " As can be seen from the graph"  
-Some useful synonyms of the word " accounted for " :"took up " , " made up", " occupied "  
-At the beginning you can say "The graph demonstrates /illustrates/ shows/gives the information about"  
-During the same time period = during the time frame= during the studied period= during the period of time  
- approximately = around= about= roughly= close to  
Thank you for reading my feedback , hope this will help you !  
And best wish for you !
@mphuonggg  
Hi there!  
  
First and foremost, I suggest focusing more on optimizing the space you have in your essay. Considering that you were able to create analysis and focus more on building content, you should now direct your attention into clearing out the unnecessary portions of your text to create more substantive and meaningful observations.  
  
Aside from this, the structure and the usage of appropriate words/terms are both also necessary for you to curate more academically-appropriate texts. Formality is critical when writing these types of essays - remember this always.  
  
Take a look at this revision, for instance:  
  
A glance at the ~~provided~~ chart reveals ~~the~~ data about global sales of games software, CDs and DVD or video. Generally, the sales of games software and DVD went up through years~~.~~; ~~M~~ meanwhile, ~~that of CDs had tendency to decrease.~~ CDs had experienced a decrease.  
  
Also be cautious of the formatting and the arrangement of your sentences. Take a look at this revision on your third paragraph:  
  
~~When it comes to DVD, t~~ The number ... DVD/videos ~~also~~ sharply climbed ~~, but more sharply~~. ... under 20 billion~~. But then,~~ - within 3 years, that number ~~rocketed and~~ reached over 30 billion ~~in 2003~~, indicating a growth of 2 billion~~, compared to first year~~.  
  
Observe how I had removed repetitive or synonymous words that you've intertwined together (ie. *"rocketed"* and "*reached*") and retained only one of them (whichever is more academically appropriate). Trying to implement this will help you establish a firmer writing style.  
  
Best of luck as always!
Topic:  
## **The average annual expenditure of college students from three countries**

  
  
The table illustrates the average annual spending of college students from three different countries in terms of total costs and different living expenses. Overall, the total expenditure of students from country A was higher than the spending of those from countries B and C. In addition, in all these three countries, students spent the highest proportion of their budget on accommodation and food.  
  
As can be seen from the table, students from country A totally spent $5000 per year, compared with $4500 and $1500 for students in countries B and C, respectively.  
  
Looking at the table in more detail, students from country A spending on accommodation constituted 45%, which was the highest figure compared to the proportion of 35% from country B's students and 30% of others from country C. While students from country C spent the lowest percentage of their expenditure on accommodation in comparison with other countries, they spent significantly more on food category, with 36% compared to 22% and 28% of college students from countries A and B, respectively. Furthermore, about 21% of total expenditure of learners from country C went on books, which was much higher than that of students from countries A and B, with the figure of 3% and 9%. In terms of leisure purpose, students from country B spending on this category accounted for 23%, which nearly doubled the figure for those from country C, at 12%; this was also slightly higher than the ones from country A with the figure of 22%.  
  
Hope to see your feedbacks !  
Thank you very much !  
  
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