dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
seeking advice on task 1 writing and what is the band score for this?  
  
***You paid a refundable deposit when you rented an apartment. You left the apartment in good condition but the Landlord won't return your deposit.***  
  
## Write a letter to the landlord.

  
*In your letter  
·explain why you are writing  
·ask for the return of your deposit  
·inform the landlord of possible legal action*  
  
Dear Mr. Lincoln,  
  
I am Cheryl, a resident of Weston apartment, living in room 3A on the ground floor. I am writing this letter to request a refund of my rental deposit that I have paid before moving into this apartment.  
  
Last month, we both met and signed the termination of rental contract, I have also cleaned up the house and fix any breakages to ensure that the apartment would be returned in great condition. According to the contract, I would be eligible to receive the refundable deposit within one week since the date of signing the termination of lease agreement; however, two months passed by, I still have not received my previous deposit yet.  
  
I believe that I have complied all the terms and conditions of the agreement so I respectfully request that my deposit will be repaid in the early of this month. If we both are incapable of tackling this case in a satisfactory manner, I will have no alternative but to seek legal advice.  
  
I look forward to hearing from you soon.  
  
Yours faithfully,  
  
Cheryl Wong
Band scoring is a premium service you can avail of when you use our private review services or make this thread Urgent. Any student who scores an essay will get his account immediately suspended. Our free reviews are useful enough for the serious student. However, our premium services give you a more comprehensive review of your work.  
  
In the first part of the presentation, you failed to mention your whole name at the start. There could be 2 Cheryl's living in the building so you have to be clear about your name. You should also make up information regarding the duration of the contract you signed and the agreement within it regarding refunds of your deposit. The ruling regarding the refund is indicated in the rental contract You should not be referring to a termination of rental contract in the essay because the instruction is based on the actual rental contract. That is where the refund is indicated. You are adding information to the essay, which will affect your TA score.  
  
Mention that the landlord refuses to refund your deposit before saying that you believe you met the terms of the contract. Then refer to seeking legal advice is need be. At the moment, you seem to be harassing your landlord for no reason. The letter is a bit incomplete in certain aspects. Make sure you address the needs of the letter, based on the given (not added) information, and ensure that the reason for your letter is always clear before making an claims as indicated.
## **It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents like sport or music but others are not.**

  
*However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. discuss both the views and give your own opinion. give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.*  
  
Nowadays,there are many views considering that some people are born with certain talents.  
On the other hand, it is supposed that any child can be taught to become a good sport person or musician. I think these views reflect the fact in our life.  
  
To begin with the first view, it is true that many people were born with their own talent that we might not have. It comes with the fact, since a person is an individual personality, it is not weird if there are some special ones and some are not.In particular, Beethoven was an extremely talented musician when he was 13 while there were many musicians who had to try day in and day out to get success. Even if we have the same appearance as twin brothers , It is not mean that we have the same in common. For example, In a family sister might have a completely different personality from her brother.  
  
On the other hand, kids can be taught or practice to enhance their ability to be good at something that they are interested in. If people are trained and have their motivation and inspiration, they could significantly improve their skills.Besides, it is not true about some people who do not have talent, I truly believe that everyone of us possess a potential talent that we did not find out. As we can not appreciate a fish by how far it can run. For example, Leonardo DaVinci is a genius artist whereas Mozart is good at music.  
  
In conclusion, there are many people think that someone might have talents and some might not. In my opinion, these views have its lack because I suppose that everyone has their own hidden talents and they are good at other aspects.  
  
Pls help me with my essay, my english is not good. Btw hope you can give me my score in you viewpoint.
Please sign up for our premium review services or make the thread URGENT to get a score for your essay. Student scoring is not allowed so any student who scores an essay will find his account immediately suspended. So I do not advise that any student try to score an essay at this forum.  
  
Your first paragraph, which is the prompt restatement is incorrect. It has to be composed of at least 4 sentences covering your own representation of the topic for discussion, the 2 discussion reasons, and the discussion instruction. None of these are reflected in your presentation. It is an improper thesis restatement.  
  
Your are going against the discussion instructions. For this type of essay, you cannot use a singular point of view, as you have in your current presentation. Rather, you need a dual point of view discussion per paragraph using the following format:  
  
Sentence 1: Public point of view (use third person references)  
Sentence 2: Public point of view reason / explanation (using third person references)  
Sentence 3: Transition sentence indicating a change in discussion points  
Sentence 4: Your personal point of view  
Sentence 5: Explanation supported by examples or justifications  
  
Your essay is being written as a first timer. So I can understand your confusion when it comes to the final presentation and discussion method. It would be better if your reviewed the different discussion types and discussion presentation requirements before you try to write another practice essay. That way you will be better informed regarding the discussion presentation and parameters.
You only have 40 minutes to write this essay. There is absolutely no way you can complete all of the requirements of the presentation and write an essay this long. You approached it as an opinion paper for a class rather than a simple paper that proves your ability to write in English. This should only be a 4 paragraph essay, composed of the 3-5 restatement, 2 reasoning paragraphs, and a summary conclusion. You really need to learn to write less, but make more sense with the short writing. That way you also avoid grammar and presentation errors. You failed to proof read this paper for errors. You are using examples from your home country, without first introducing your reader to the example you will be using, thus leaving the reader confused and wondering what the point of that presentation is. You need to focus less on the number of reasons and more on the clarity of your explanation because it is the clarity that is scored, not the length or number of reasons in a paper.
***Traffic and accommodation problems are increasing and government should encourage some businesses to move from cities to rural areas.***  
## Does advantage outweigh the disadvantages?

  
  
It is true that an increasing number of vehicles and building in urban areas is overwhelming so some businesses are encouraged to relocate to outskirts in order to solve this issue. While I accept that replacing businesses to non-urban areas can sometimes have positive effect on the environment and traffic in cities, I believe that this trend is more likely to have a harmful impact.  
  
On the one hand, some believe that the benefit of relocating companies to outskirts are varied. The first advantage is that if factories does no longer operate in cities, the quaility of environment in those site would be much more improved, which might help inhabitants enjoy fresh air and avoid a number of health diseases. Another clear benefit of this is that city dwellers would choose public transport to commute to work instead of using their private vehicles because they have to travel a further distance. Therefore, this could ease the traffic congestion and prevent traffic accidents when they are travelling.  
  
However, I would argue that these benefits are outweighed by the drawbacks. Firstly, what should taken into consideration is that businesses is highly to lose their customers, suppliers, and business partners due to geographical distance, which might weaken their profitability. Secondly, this translation may trigger disorders in cities workers' routine. For instance, they have to get up earlier to commute to work or the quality of their diet at the workplace may not warranty.  
  
In summary, taking into consideration all the aforementioned facts, I genuine believe that the protential drawbacks that relocating businesses to outskirts brings about are more significant for the reasons mentioned above.
Nothing is ever true in any Task 2 presentation. Do not make any claims of truth when there is no reference to such in the original prompt. You will never be asked to vouch for the validity of any statement provided. You will only be asked to give your opinion. Saying something is true, when it could otherwise not be true is a lie and exaggeration. Avoid making questionable claims in your paraphrased presentations.  
  
Your restatement is inaccurate as it does not make any reference to the government encouraging businesses to move from cities to rural areas. So, you really have a problem here. You have a fictitious overstatement in the first sentence, then a lack of proper paraphrasing in the next. Both of which will cause you TA scoring problems in an actual test. Additional problems will be included because of the lack of proper task paraphrasing in your presentation:  
  
OT: Does advantage outweigh the disadvantages?  
YT: I believe that this trend is more likely to have a harmful impact.  
  
There is an inaccurate task response, which will translate into a lack of proper understanding of the task requirement, leading to a response that is not related to the task. You cannot refer to some people in the essay because the focus is solely on the government action of encouraging businesses to move. Did you even bother to read the prompt? Outline the information? Identify who is speaking or the subject of the discussion and why? I cannot even continue to read this essay at this point. There are too many errors that will make it a failing essay due to the inclusion of incorrect discussion reference points.
**Topic:**  
***Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible.***  
  
## Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

  
  
Answer:  
Thanks to the advancement of technology, distant working and learning have been made possible for both workers and students. I think that this practice has brought about ample benefits to the society, yet other downsides of it should also be taken into consideration.  
  
Firstly, working and learning from home do wonders for the environment. It has been statistically reported that the daily commute to work and school of citizens is the one of the main contributory factors to the increase in carbon emissions. By practicing distant learning and working, people can reduce the number of journeys they make every day, hence decreasing the amount of carbon footprint emitted from motorised vehicles. Besides, the lowered demand for fuels used to run transportation would also gradually put a halt to the overexploitation of fossil fuels, another environmental issue.  
  
On the other hand, staying at home to learn and work continuously may have some certain adverse effect on people. Distant learning means that children will not have a chance to meet their peers face-to-face and have real interactions, which may negatively affect their communicative and social skills. More specifically, when students just study online, they would not have opportunities to encounter different social situations in which they have to deal with in real life, such as having a conflict with friends when playing. Moreover, learning and working from home discourage people from being physically active as they hardly have to move from place to place. This may result in a sedentary lifestyle and hence, other diseases such as obesity.  
  
To conclude, distant learning and working may have significant impacts on the improvement of the environment. However, it may create some mental and physical issues to people who experience it for a long time.
The format for your response should be a single opinion approach. You are asked if this is a positive or negative development. You were not asked to discuss the positive and negative development of this point of view. There is a difference between the two. The first one, the original presentation, seeks your opinion based on 2 related reasons for one opinion. You have to pick either a positive or negative discussion, not both. The other format, is a comparative discussion, which, if the essay allowed, would have asked you to discuss both points of view. You clearly did not understand the discussion instructions since you opted to do a comparative discussion in a single opinion presentation. Your final score will reflect this error based on an unrelated response consideration.
## saving wild animals is our responsibility

  
  
The issue of whether or not we should make effort to deter endangered species which are already on the verge of extinction is certainly a contentious one. Despite the arguments of many people that it wastes money and time. It is my personal belief that they should be preserved. The reasons are pretty obvious.  
  
First of all, it is vital for us to realise that these animals serve as essential role and how they maintain the balance of nature. Ecosystems are constitued by plants and animals which depend on each other for survive. Any disappearance or introduction of any animal species will disturb the balance and negatively impact other animals by breaking food chain and altering the habitat where they live in. Therefore, due to ecological change is as potential risk to us and environment, it is clearly our own interest to prevent endangered species from extinction.  
  
However, even if endangered species serve no useful purpose they should not be allowed to die out. Furthermore, human activities such as hunting illegally, cutting mountains and clearing forests....have lead to habitat loss, we should make possible effort to protect endangered animals.  
  
In conclusion, I once again restate any view that wild animals are the fundamental part of our life and we should feel responsible to save them.
The essay will be starting its TA score within the failing mark. You only wrote 216 words for this essay. The minimum passing word count is 250. You have not written enough words to establish a properly developed, discussed, and analyzed essay discussion. The proper percentage points for the missing word count will be applied to your TA score, which means the essay will have to overcome a heavy failing score, based on the remaining scoring considerations, provided you did not make any other errors in your presentation. The problem is, there are grammar and sentence structure errors in the overall presentation, which will definitely result in a low GRA score, thus causing more deductions in your final score. You need to always aim to write more, and pay attention to the English grammar rules while you are writing. Consider the proper grammar and sentence structure of your presentations and make sure that all of your paragraphs make sense. In the conclusion, you said that you "restate any view". What any view? This is a grammatically incorrect reference. It should be " I once again restate MY view". By the way, the conclusion needs to be a 40 word summary. That is the format requirement for that paragraph.
## The animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land an in sea.

  
***What are the reasons and solutions?***  
  
It is common phenomena nowadays to see some dead Sea-fish near shore, and some deer is lying injured near walkaway of a forest. However, human beings are still reluctant to mitigate the existential crisis they beget to the animal species either on land or in the sea. Among the reasons for these circumstances, unplanned infrastructure and transportation system play the most deadly role and altogether we might arrange conservatories to overcome the situation.  
  
Evidently, the world has been enduring the era of fast-paced industrialization for a couple of decades, which requires setting up new cities and roads by diminishing the forest impacting many species living in the woods. Moreover, waterway vehicles are exhaling coal and oil in the sea, creating detrimental outcome for ecological balance undersea. For example, in Bangladesh, construction of powerhouse near the territory of mangrove jungle is threatening the ecology of the area. Therefore, inasmuch as people think about economic development, they bring harm to the fauna.  
  
To overcome the chaotic perspective, residents should come together to build conservatories for the endangered species as we might not adjust the urbanization plan overnight. Moreover, safe places for animals would let them live comfortably and naturally, which is an essential aspect of protecting ecological balance. For instance, besides urban area, there should be a specific area in which human will not be allowed and in where the animal will stay. Thus, the solution might not be that difficult to execute.  
  
To conclude, we should ameliorate the negative consequences of production economy by keeping a specific space of the animals. However, by living in the affluence of technology and production, we sometimes forget the importance of the animal to keep the environmental balance and ecosystem perfect for our living.
Your opening paragraph is not a paraphrase of the original discussion presentation. You have exaggerated the presentation in a manner that does not reflect the original idea of the prompt. However, your response to the reasons and solutions are partially accurate. Partially accurate because you failed to follow your topic outline within your reasoning paragraphs.  
  
Your reasoning paragraph is confusing to read. You are presenting the reasons why humans are doing these activities, but not explaining why it is necessary for humans to do these movements. You are under explaining the reasons and not really presenting a developed and convincing paragraph in this case. As for your solutions, you are not relating the solutions to the original reasons nor the reasons you actually presented. These errors created a less than coherent and cohesive statement in this essay. All of which will have a scoring down effect on your TA and C&C scores.
This motivation letter is not useful to your application because you have failed to properly explain your motivation for a career change. Since you clearly indicated your target and reason for enrolling in a masters course, which is to change your career path, then you should be focused on explaining the reasons why you believe that you need to change career paths. Not just justify that you have the academic background for it. Even if you have the background for it, if the motivating factors are not proper, then you cannot convince the reviewer that you should be allowed to enroll in the program. Personal reasons, such as now having the money to support your family, among others, do not have a place in a motivation letter.
## new technology and shopping

  
  
While it is a common belief that breakthroughs in technology have accelerated shopping more convenient, others are opposed to this statement. This essay will examine both these views before giving the final verdict.  
  
On the one hand, state-to-the-art technology has brought about a variety of amenities for consumers. First of all, online shopping stemming from the advent of smartphones and laptops with an internet connection has facilitated the public to order food and drinks without heading out for a supermarket. As a result, consumers could be able to shorten meal preparing time, which, in turn, aids them to allocate more time for work. Additionally, modern technology has provided customers with a precious opportunity to steer clear of squandering hours to stand in line for billing. This is because cashiers these days are equipped with an array of money counting machines, which lessens billing time compared to the past when cashiers had to count money notes by themselves without any technological assistance.  
  
On the other hand, other opponents assert that brand-new technology might trigger some unanticipated hurdles in shopping. One of the most plausible downsides of harnessing technology in shopping is to challenge the elderly generation. For instance, people with inherited disadvantages in mountainous areas in Vietnam are inclined to ignore online shopping since they fail to perform complicated tasks on a smartphone to order necessities. In tandem with this, harnessing technology in shopping also requires customers to provide a variety of personal information for security purposes, which demands consumers to be patient. Consequently, this rigorous checking might result in some undesired shopping experiences for customers.  
  
In conclusion, although some people contend that modern technology might cause several unanticipated difficulties for consumers, it is my firm conviction that people are likely to go shopping more convenient in light of the device of up-to-date technologies.
You are not being asked to give a verdict in this essay. Only an opinion. A task 2 essay will never ask you to come to a conclusion because there is no conclusion to be made. You cannot make a decision for other people. That is why this is a public opinion comparison with your personal opinion presentation. You can only offer a personal opinion for each public opinion presented based upon your explanation of the public opinion and your degree of agreement or disagreement with the given statement. You have provided solely personal opinions in this presentation, which do not account for an explanation based on the public point of view. The format is incorrect. The more appropriate format is:  
  
Sentence 1: Public opinion  
Sentence 2: Explanation of the public opinion  
Sentence 3: Transition to your personal opinion  
Sentence 4: State your personal opinion  
Sentence 5: Explanation / reasoning presentation to convince the reader of your opinion.