dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The essay has good ideas that could have been better developed. I see this essay as a 4 paragraph presentation:  
  
Introduction:  
The topic presentation should have been accompanied by a 3 reference outline to establish the forthcoming paragraph topics.  
  
One paragraph per topic:  
By properly separating the discussions, a more developed and convincing topic can be presented. The explanations would have been clearer and the writing would be less rushed allowing for a more completed topic presentation.  
  
Conclusion:  
The closing remarks could have allowed the writer to try and convince the reader of the strength of his suggestions in a manner that would have shown further consideration and analysis.  
  
The presentation is acceptable as a summary but not as a discussion essay.
Hi everyone, I am practicing my ielts writing skills and i will be grateful if receiving your all helps. Thank you so much!!!  
  
Topic: Many people prefer to watch foreign films rather than locally produced films. Why could this be? Should governments give more financial support to local film industries?  
  
In recent years, along with the development of science and technology, an increasing number of qualified movies have been produced in the film industry, providing a host of choices for audiences. They have a tendency to watch overseas movies instead of their home ones. This essay will outline a number of reasons for this trend and a number of possible solutions for governments to help tackle the issue.  
  
For a variety of reasons, many viewers pay more attention to foreign films than locally produced ones. Firstly, it is often noticed that international films are created with higher technological quality. For example, in some blockbusters Batman and Aquaman, people can immerse in spectacular scenes with sophisticated digital effects, which can not be seen in local films of developing countries. Another rationale behind this problem could be that foreign big-budget films often appeal to megastars in the biggest movie markets like Hollywood and Bollywood, therefore, grab the great attention of audiences. Meanwhile, actors and actresses in the developing world may lack professional acting skills and also often unpopular names, as a result, they may not be embraced by movie lovers/nerds.  
  
In order to address the problem, some possible measures should be taken by governments. To begin with, more financial budgets should be allocated to talented amateur filmmakers for enhancing technical effects. Therefore, these local directors can turn their creative ideas into movies and shoot professional plots, finally, earn an enormous amount of money and fame for their country. For example, Korea is a typical example for the success in spreading its nation's image throughout famous movies like the Kingdom and Squid Game. In fact, this success is made by the efforts of the Korean government in patronising the national industry films for many years, which helps Korean movies reach out to all over the world. Secondly, governments can play a role as a mediator to give chances for domestic actors to cooperate with international stars. This will be a great opportunity to improve acting skills for local actors because they can learn experience from popular overseas veterans in the film fields and apply them in their domestically produced films.  
  
In conclusion, there are main contributors to the problem including spectacular visual and sound effects used in foreign films and celebrities participating in them, so several measures like more money investment and collaboration with famous actors are suggested to put an end to the situation.
The topic paraphrasing is off-base. The writer's interpretation of the original topic does not reflect the correct meaning and considerations. He has altered the topic requirement and did not establish his opinions for the questions presented since he chose notto answer the questions, opting to just restate the questions in statement form instead. It is already obvious to the examiner that the author does not know what he is doing and could fail the test.This error was caused by the unrelated run-on topic discussed in the first sentence. It altered the discussion basis. A straightforward restatement was required without additional information at the start. That reference could have been more beneficial as a part of the opinion presentation.  
  
The writer will not get a good GRA score since he uses run - on sentences, commas, and periods only, he shows an inability to properly structure simple ' complex, and compound sentences. He should improve his sentence development and presentation skills to geta better score in this section.
## development of the Colwick Arts Centre area

  
  
The 2 maps describe how the Colwick Arts Centre changed between the year 2005 and today. Overall, we can see there were many changes made to the centre, notably the utilization of wasteland and the constructions of new buildings.  
  
In the past, the concert hall and the cinema shared a building. However, they are now seperated into two buildings, which are placed next to each other on the upper left-hand corner of the centre. The two galleries in 2005 are demolished. They build a new gallery and a café in west side of the center. The meeting rooms are moved to the north-west corner. In addition, they also build a drama studio between the meeting rooms and the cinema and a central exhibition area in the middle of the centre.  
  
The centre transforms the wasteland into outdoor exhibition and performance area. A stage has been built in the middle of the land which is surrounded by rows of trees. There are many desks on each side of the trees for students of the centre.  
  
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The summary overview and trending statement are well developed in this essay. The 2 sentence presentation is concise, clear, and displays a good control over sentence structure development.This is one of the high scoring considerations of this image interpretation.  
  
The comparison method used in the paragraphs are also well developed. Grammatically though, the writer should have avoided using certain current action references in the reporting paragraphs. The present indicative plural was misused in this case since the images from the " today" image has already been completed. So, a reference to the works already having been completed should have been used. An immediate past indicative term should have been used instead.  
  
Save for the aforementioned grammatical error, the writer shows talent in comparative report writing.
## Schools should prepare students for work rather than university.

  
***To what extent do you agree or disagree?***  
  
Education has become a must for people everywhere in the world. Schools should aim to make pupils ready for jobs instead of post-graduate studies. Personally, I completely agree with this statement due to the fact that many students cannot attend universities and other who do must work alongside.  
  
Many students are unable to pursue further studies after schools. In other words, some pupils might not have the adequate financial resources to continue education, while others may not see themselves capable of keeping up academically with the demanding studies of university. Hence, if they are not adequately prepared for jobs, they will struggle immensely after school. Many of my classmates from school were live examples, because they could not bare the financial expenses of post-graduate education and remained without a job because they were not prepared for it.  
  
Additionally, even if someone enrolls in a university, that person must still work in order to keep up with the university's financial expenses. This is because unlike school, where education is free and the expenses that do come up are paid by the either the student's guardian or parent, universities have greater costs and students are expected to pay for It themselves. For instance, I had to take up a part time job to make sure that I was able to get all the required textbooks and other required material in time. Thus, the more you are ready to take jobs, the easier your life will be without concern for your educational choices.  
  
In conclusion, I believe schools should teach skills needed for jobs rather than preparing students only for universities. This is mainly because many students are unable to pursue higher education after school and even if they do, being job ready will certainly prove fruitful.
The prompt restatement + personal opinion paragraph should only be 2 sentences long for agree or disagree and extent essays. That is because the prompt paraphrasing does not require a personal opinion at the start. That should be a part of the personal opinion sentence. The 3 sentence paragraph is used in the discuss both views and give your opinion writing instruction since there are 2 public opinions to individually state plus a personal opinion to establish.  
  
Even though he has the potential to score well based on this writing (the other essays he presented were non-passing), the writer is constantly making the same errors in his first paragraph presentation throughout various essays including this one regardless of the corrections given. He is incapable of learning from corrections so this will be the last advice I will be giving him. It is senseless for me to continue advising him.
## increased numbers of newcomers from different countries - benefits and drawbacks

  
  
It is true that there is an increase in the proportion of immigration from war countries or poorer countries to developed countries these days. While some people believe that this has numerous drawbacks, I would agree with that but I also believe there are several benefits as well.  
  
On the one hand, there are some advantages of immigration. Firstly, a diverse workforce will allow a variety of companies and industries to flourish. In Europe, for example, immigration helps to balance out the aging workers. Secondly, since governments welcome many people to live and work in their countries, the job markets will be increasingly competitive, then employees will make efforts to develop themselves, and as a result, enterprises could have more qualified workers. Finally, immigrants will also pay bills and taxes like native people which contributes to national finance.  
  
On the other hand, in terms of accepting many immigrants, developed countries will have to tackle with a wide range of problems. This is because unskilled local individuals will be threatened to be jobless because some immigrants might willing to work with small salaries. In addition, unregulated immigration may harmful to people's safety, and the crime rates will be skyrocketed among unidentified people who moved from other countries. Terrorists might hide in normal people for negative purposes like shootings or worse, especially from Muslim countries. For instance, a shooting attack at a Christmas market in France caused many people's death.  
  
In conclusion, I would argue that immigration has both pros and cons, governments should strictly control the percentage of newcomers in order to protect people's life.
The original prompt does not indicate the origin or basis of immigrants or multi-cultural societies. This information as provided by the writer created a topic deviation as he even attests to the truthfulness of his claim. Both of which are not part of the original presentation or discussion question. Significant deductions will be applied in relation to restatement accuracy.  
  
With regards to the writer's opinion, the question asked requires the writer to only write 2 paragraphs. One for advantages and another for disadvantages, in no particular order. Nowhere in the original discussion instruction is he asked to agree or disagree with the listing. Additional percentage deductions will be applied to this section since the writer shows a clear misunderstanding of the discussion writing instructions. These 2 errors are indicative of a failing preliminary score.  
  
Now, the reasoning paragraphs align with the expected discussion points and use ample connectors in the presentation. However, these will not be enough to pass the test since the concluding summary introduces a new discussion topic rather than a summarized discussion. The result of which will be a failing overall score due to an open ended presentation.
## Pros and cons of moving abroad

  
  
It is common for people to travel abroad in these days, whether if it is for job oportunities, healthier standard of life or simply due to needs of pursuing new experiences. It is undeniable that there are mutiple benefits of moving and studying overseas. However, when being put side by side with the adavantages, the drawbacks are also worth mentioning. In this article, there will be discussion of both pros and cons of living or studying in other contries.  
  
On the one hand, moving abroad can be an excellent chane for anyone who seeks new set of life skills. Living in a completly bizzare country can force an individual to get out of their comfort zone as they will have to rebuild their lives nearly from scratch. This will gradually form ability of solving wide range of tasks such as renting house, socializing or finding a job. Through these activities, the self esteem and critical thinking of a person can be substantialy improved leading to an independent personality and the capability of presenting their own desicions or ideas about problems. In addition, people traveling overseas can obtain new valuable perspective of life. Approaching new cultures and surroundings can expand a person knowledge and enrich their worldview giving them new experiences to enhance their sentimental values.  
  
On the other hand, there are many disadvantages to be concerned. First of all, being isolated in a new country might lead to depression or homesick, this occur espeacially to introverts. Having to face new customs and life styles can be frustrated and disturbing as there are no companions or family, without any proper supports, in the long run it might result into many complex mental problems. Moreover, having language barrier can be an upsetting situation which can greatly affect a person social life. It is not rare for a student to be zoned out from their peers or can not be a part of any conversation with their friends because of comunication problems. This may continuoe perpetually if the person can not overcome their language issuse and can end up causing stress or anxiety.  
  
To conclude, albeit having to moving away from homecountry can be stressfull and horrific because of isolation and lacking assits from family and friends, this can also be seen as an opprotunity to achieve new thoughs of life and knowledge to furthermore improve a person skills and mind.
The writer has combined 2 different prompt discussions in this essay. It cannot be reviewed properly because it does not follow the standard IELTS question and answer essay format. The writer has tried to improve his writing by creating his own prompt requirement. A creation that does not follow IELTS essay question standards. As such, the essay cannot be judged based on the scoring requirements of the rubic. The writer has wasted his time with this presentation because it is not a realistic discussion presentation that will help him pass the test.  
  
It is either he discusses living abroad or studying abroad. These were created as 2 different topic questions because these have 2 different discussion targets. He has also written almost 400 words for an essay that does not need more than 300 words to explain itself. No prompt similar to this will ever be provided during the actual test.
Are the ideas chosen relevant to the topic?  
  
**Today the high sales of popular consumer goods reflects the power of advertiseming the not the real needs of the society in which they are sold.**  
  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
Modern methods if marketing have drastically changed consumer choices. This is why some argue that the reason why most consumer products are purchased are due to the influence of advertisements rather than requirements of the society it is purchased in. From my point of view, this statement is completely accurate and in this essay I will argue that that this is due to excessive spending by companies in ads and the mindset people have today.  
  
Companies spend large sums of their budget on advertising, whether they are large corporations or small start-ups. This leads to the creation of increasing numbers of advertisements, with some so creative that they instantly attract the customer towards the product. The company Apple, for example spends around 30% of its budget on marketing, citing that if it were not for the large amounts spent on creating innovative ads, sales would not be as high as they are now. Hence, the more money is spent on advertising, the higher the returns in profit.  
  
In addition, people have gotten a mindset, where they buy something that is advertised rather than an unknown brand's product. This is simple because people prefer things that are familiar. In other words, it is human nature to assume something is better if it is familiar. When we are traveling, for instance, we tend to buy a brand's product that we recognize even if the alternative available is cheaper and of higher quality.  
  
In conclusions, when compared to the needs of a society, I believe in modern times advertisement is the main driving factor in the purchasing habits of people.
2 problems exist in the prompt paraphrase. The first problem is that the author has opened with non- supported claims. A non supported claim is seen as information added by the writer that creates the wrong emphasis or a prompt deviation. Either of which will result in point deductions based on restatement inaccuracy. Never add or remove information from the ougenal. Always use the same idea without exaggerations or additions. From what I have read though, the writer has misunderstood the given topic and discussion basis. This is not about purchasing habits although purchases are involved in the discussion.  
  
The second problem is that the writer is not using the correct discussion reference for his extent opinion. There is no arguement, only the personal opinion of the writer that he is expected to explain over 2 paragraphs. He is confused about the response formats. His interpretation is also faulty as it is not aligned with the discussion as provided. These errors mean that there are severe prompt deviations leading to a failing preliminary score. Misaligned discussions will deliver a final failing score overall.
## What are the benefits of pursuing university education?

  
  
Tertiary education is a major topic of concern in today's society. Thus, there are a variety of advantages for pupils to follow the higher learning path after graduation.  
  
First and foremost, higher education includes colleges, universities, continuing education has provided learners with knowledge and skills needed to find work. For instance, when learners participate in university education, they will not only be equipped with theoretical knowledge, but also the internship opportunities to achieve practical skills. Actually, the employers nowadays usually seek a staff that is well-educated and promising in career prospects.  
  
Then, university education creates an ideal environment to accumulate knowledge about different fields. These days, college's lecturers have applied effective teaching methods instead of traditional learning models. It assists learners to broaden many different types of occupations in society. This is a good time for students to experience many different positions and collect the treasurable knowledge for their work in the coming years.  
  
To sum up, university is an opened learning environment where students are capable of learning the theoretical knowledge, practical skills and intentionally preparing materials for their career paths.
The basic question that is being asked is with regards to the benefits of a college education. There is a single question asked without establishing points of view or a question of opinion on the part of the writer. Yet, the writer was not able to create a proper restatement + opinion paragraph. He altered the prompt from simple benefits to a major concern. An opinion presentation not found in the original prompt at all. Then, he offered an opinion that did not establish the topic focus for the reasoning paragraphs. There is no actual thesis statement that responds to the question being asked. The first paragraph is inaccurate and cannot receive passing preliminary marks.  
  
He also defines what higher education is in the first reasoning paragraph. An unnecessary presentation that is not related to the original discussion points. Rather than increasing his score, the continued alteration of the discussion will result in additional deductions. It will lower the paragraph score even though the last part of the presentation is relevant to the discussion.  
  
The second paragraph is focused on the correct discussion points but could have been better developed and presented. The reasoning paragraphs lack in proper discussion development and relevance, leading to lower scores in the C+C section.  
  
Based on the summary conclusion presented, it appears that the writer does not have a good understanding of how the concluding summary is to be presented. It is less than the 40 word count, 2 sentence minimum requirement. It does not refer to the original discussion points and fails to properly represent a short form of the discussion presentation.  
  
While the writer shows potential in presenting good reasoning paragraphs. His inability to properly restate the prompt, provide a relevant thesis sentence, and accurately recap the information provided for the conclusion means that he will struggle to receive even a base passing score in an actual test. He must become more familiar with the writing standards for the IELTS test and also, work on his restatement skills.
There is an absence of paraphrasing for the question prompt. That alone will make the essay unacceptable for IELTS.  
Sentences like "higher education includes colleges, universities, continuing education has provided learners with knowledge and skills needed to find work." Not linked properly using the correct words. Aside from that the ideas are not relating. Each idea must be properly developed and inclusion of multiple ideas without developing them by explaining and giving relevant examples will lead to reduced scores.  
  
College lecturers are correct, no need to include a possessive apostrophe after college.