dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Firstly, the long working for ~~week~~ weeks ~~brings about~~ affects undesirable effects upon family bonding. With ~~estimatedly~~  estimation (please remember that after the conjunction should be noun) 48 hours per week, , they are more ~~than~~ likely to ~~be left~~ feel exhausted~~, be it~~ physically or mentally. The implication of this is ~~that~~ the family time .
Hi ruby,....  
  
You must remember in IELTS writing task 2, there is formula you need to follow.  
  
1. Introduction  
2. Overview  
3. Main Paragraph 1  
4. Main Paragraph 2  
5. Conclusion  
  
*Six days a week, [...] its supporting reasons.*  
  
This part should contain introduction and overview. You may paraphrase the question again. Then state your opinion, weather you agree or disagree. provide 2 sentence the reason you agree or disagree.  
  
Main paragraph 1  
repeat your first reason by paraphrase, explain more and give example if needed.  
  
Main paragraph 2  
repeat your second reason by paraphrase, explain more and give example if needed.  
  
Conclusion  
State again your opinion.  
  
Thank you
Tran, are you taking the GRE test as well as the IELTS? The reason that I ask is because you did not specify the type of test this essay prompt is for. However, judging by the method of your discussion, it could be that you are discussing it in a GRE format essay test. Am I correct in making this assumption? If that is the case then, your work is right on the mark.  
  
You provided a neat paraphrasing of the original requirements and also presented valid discussions in support of your opinion. However, the essay would have been better developed if you somehow related the knowledge you presented with your personal experience as well. If you consider the prompt instructions, it becomes obvious that the essay would have appreciated the contribution of your personal experience alongside the theoretical discussion. This would most likely have led to an increased score on your part as you would have presented the most valid and accurate discussion for the prompt given.
@Holt Thank you for your kind remarks and very helpful advice! But no, I'm not taking the GRE test. This is for my country's national exam for talented students that I'm taking next January.  
  
@digaprasiska Well as I've stated right in the thread, I'm not writing this in the IELTS task 2 format, but thanks anyway!  
@Hodhod That is a great idea! Thank you!  
@irfan727 Thanks!
The diagram reveals that the process of making coffee through different stages. It is started with selecting of coffee beans from field and ended when the coffee is ready to be packed into jars.  
  
What stands out from the process diagram illustrates 11 stages. First, the beans of coffee is harvested by several labours on the morning. Then, the selected beans are dried in the yard until make sure the beans are ready prior to roasted. After that, the process of cooling quickly is needed before going to the next step of grinding manually. This produces the powder of coffee. Afterwards, it is mixed with the hot water and filter the mixture. Furthermore, it is followed by a freezing process.  
  
Moving to a more detailed analysis, the next stage is the procedure of re-drying in a vacuum. By this, water which included in the powder will be separated by the high temperature. Finally, the coffee powder is prepared to be packaging and labelling before sending to market.  
  
*
@irfan727  
Hello. Your description is fair enough but i would querry your grammatical construction. There are so many of them and they would go all the way to affect your marks. Your opening statement "the diagram reveals that ..." or "making of coffee".  
  
I think coffee beans should be sustained rather than "beans of coffee".  
Also, i think "furthermore" should rather be used to begin a paragraph not ending one.  
I suggest you keenly go through your essay again and make some re-constructiin of the sentences.
Question:  
**Some people think paying taxes is a big enough contribution to their society, while others think people have more responsibilities as members of society than only paying taxes**  
  
## paying taxes as the only contribution to the society

  
  
It is considered by many that paying taxes is adequate to contribute to the society and the country as well, while some believe that is not enough and there are many obligations that we can contribute as a citizen. I will be discussing both debatable arguments in this essay.  
  
On the one hand, those who argue paying taxes is enough coming from several reasons. Firstly, perhaps, they believe that arguments should take care of remain responsibilities such as providing facilities and sophisticated infrastructure. They generally believe that contributing money through taxes will directly solve all problems related to their country. Eventually, by this perspective, they tend to be an apathy person in their daily life and not consider other things as their problems.  
  
On the other hand, others believe that there are other contributions that could be given to the national development besides paying taxes. Firstly, by giving their own ideas to the country's development plan is considered as a valuable contribution. In addition, people might help to grow their country by making a positive movement, organisations or institutions that aligned with the country's long-term plan. It must be said that there are many ways to show our contribution to our country besides paying taxes.  
  
Overall, it seems advisable that the contribution to the society is not only about paying taxes, but also giving our best efforts, such as giving innovative ideas or joining positive organisations might be valuable to the national development as well as the society. It seems to me that we need to contribute more both in paying taxes and giving our other contributions based our specialty to our the country.  
  
*Please kindly review my essay :)*
Aulia, since this is an agree or disagree essay, it can be said that you did not understand the prompt requirements as per the discussion sentence provided (yet again) which is why you ended up discussing a comparison essay (again) which is not the required discussion format. You are constantly making the same mistakes with your essay in regards to the prompt requirements. I do not see any improvement in your English comprehension skills over the past essays. It is almost as if you are not even trying to to improve your understanding of the English language. Most students here would have shown some sort of progress by now in this area.  
  
I cannot understand why you seem to keep forgetting the advice I give you about the prompt specifications. I am already repetitive with my reminders and with any other student, the lesson would have been learned and applied as an improvement to the written work by now. If you truly want to learn about how to discuss the different essay prompts, then read and learn from the examples of others and their practice tests. It is not difficult to remember the differences and how to discuss specific format types.  
  
You did not properly present the concluding paragraph either. You already know what the requirements for that are. You need to apply what I have been trying to teach you in your essays. Otherwise, I do not see how you can pass the test when you eventually take it.
## celebrities as role models?

  
  
Nowadays, more and more people are looking at celebrities as role model and somebody that they should copy to. Their personal life is also a great topic to discuss. Some of us think that those ideas is good while the others disagree with it. I also partly agree with both ideas for reasons below.  
  
Firstly, copying the way of living as well as hobbies might be good. There are celebrities who worked hard and failed many times but still able to stand up to continue their trek. They are mirrors of hard-working, never give up personalities, which every single one want to have. They might also follow healthy, lifestyle, which may help us if we copy their lifestyle. But there are also opposite ones. There are celebrities that smoke weed, cigarettes. They also do not respect other people or follow an unhealthy lifestyle which might actually do harm to yourself.  
  
Secondly, the personal life is a great topic for discussion. This might inspire someone to success or inspire people to live better. But when everything is discussed, celebrities do not have privacy anymore. They are watched by people and reporters. It also mean that if they make a single mistake, it might become a scandal all around the world and it will be discuss everywhere, which is bad for celebrities.  
  
In conclude, I still partly agree with both ideas for those reasons.
Nguyen, your opening paraphrase was going so well. It was smooth, it was right on the mark, and then you dropped the ball when it came to the discussion presentation. You were asked if this trend of people paying attention to famous people carries a positive or negative effect. What you presented as your topic discussion instruction was instead a disagreement essay discussion format. That is incorrect. A positive or negative discussion asks you to choose one of the two opinions for discussion in the whole essay. What you did is considered a prompt deviation and tells the examiner that you did not understand the prompt discussion requirements. So you will get a partially failing score for the Task Accuracy portion of the test. You got lucky because the rest of your discussion somehow aligned itself with the original instruction and chose to discuss the essay as a negative development instead. So you would still be properly scored on the remaining task requirements. The problem, is that your concluding sentence, which actually should have been a paragraph continues the mistaken discussion and again, would added to the increased failing score of your task accuracy section. That said, while the essay body is correct, the opening and closing statements are not. Therefore, this essay will not get a passing grade in an actual setting.
Please help me correct this task. I ,myself have recently studied ielts .i really need someone to help me  
  
## why specifically this school?

  
  
The given pie charts provide information on 5 major purposes for student's choice to study in a particular university in the UK in 1987 and in 2007  
  
Overall, the greatest proportion of students choose a certain university because of the training programmes while concern about the distance between parents can be seen as the least popular in 1987. Students pay least attention to sport and social activities in 2007  
  
In 1987,a large number of student ,35% opting formal study for suitable training programmes and this figure increased to 37% in 2007.Although the minority of student applying for school based on proximity between parental house at 10% and 15% for teaching programme in 1987. After two decades, a 3% increase was witnessed in the percentage of those caring about teaching quality and grow twofold to 22% for close to parents  
  
By contrast,although a noticable number of student put their consideration on value of resources and extra- curricular activities at 21% and 19% respectively in1987.these purposes were less prioritised after 20 years.while the figure for quality of resources was 15% ,only 6% was interested in public activities .( 174 words)  
  
*
hi Nhu Vu  
  
For writing task 1. Use this formula.  
  
Overview : 2 - 3 Sentences  
Main Paragraph 1 : 3- 4 sentences  
Main Paragraph 2 : 3-4 sentences  
  
The given pie charts provide information on 5 major  s purpose ...  
  
You didn't provide the question. Make sure you did paraphrase the question in this sentences. Since it's too short to stand alone, you may combine it with your second paragraph.  
  
Make sure you read the question carefully because usually it ask you to make comparison but i didn't see any comparison in your main paragraph above.  
  
Thank you
Nhu, your overview is incomplete as it does not give an accurate outline of the discussion topics as presented in the pie charts you were provided. These are the information represented in the color coded pie chart. It was located on the right side of image that was provided to you. Indicating that information would have helped to better prepare the reader for the forthcoming discussion.  
  
The discussion itself is confusing because you did not first, present the information from the individual pie charts before launching into the comparison discussion. The format should have been (in the body):  
  
1. 1987  
2. 2007  
3. Comparison discussion  
  
Following the above format, your presentation would have been better threshed out and presented in an understandable manner to the reader. You have all of the required information presented in the summary discussion. The problem was actually in your presentation of the discussion. Focus on the clarity of your presentation in your next practice test.
**In the past, most people lived in small villages where everyone knew everyone else.  
Nowadays, most people live in large cities where they only know a few people in their area.  
What do you think were the advantages and disadvantages of living in small community?**  
  
## city or rural area to live?

  
  
At the time mostly residents merely know a little people in their location. Contrary with human who live in the rural area especially in the past, they had good relation with their neighbor and knew many people over there. This writing will discuss about merits and demerits society who live in small area.  
  
Many benefit we can get if we are living in the village such as Relax and Avoid from Stress. It means, if we are in the small town we can get good feel because over there has nice-air better than in the city and could help you to avoid stressful. As example, mostly citizen go to hutment in the weekend after they are getting stress because their activity in the city center. The impact, their mood will be good after spend the time over there. So that, decide to live in the small town is nice choice and good consider with several advantages we can get it.  
  
On the other hand, living in the small area has disadvantage such as difficult to getting more information, as result the local experience lack of information. Taking example, in the my home town the name wonomulyo, still hard to get more information over there. The impact, the local is difficult to improve their life , and the government is hard to build well public facilities and remake the nice rule because they don't get new information about it from other place or other country. So, if you want to live in the rural area you have to consider it because stay there have benefit and demerit.  
  
To sum up, this essay try to tell us about advantages and disadvantages to live in the village. I suggest you to think twice if you want to spend your time merely in the village. It mean you have try to live in the city when you are young and you can back and stay in the rural area when you have retirement, and you could enjoy with your remaining time.
Alimin, your prompt paraphrase is improper because you begin to discuss the essay in the opening paragraph. Since this paragraph is part of the TA portion of the essay, you cannot begin your discussion at this point. Instead, you should start the discussion in the second paragraph. The first paragraph should only explain to the examiner what you understood of the original prompt topic and the discussion type. So it should be:  
  
*Previous generations lived in small villages where everyone knew each other. Recently though, there has been an influx of people moving to larger cities where they do not know anybody. In this essay, the advantages and disadvantages of living in a small residential area will be discussed.*  
  
Please pay attention to your writing style. Do not capitalize words that do not need capitalization. For your reference, I mean "Relax and Avoid from Stress". Those are not proper nouns and are located in the middle of the sentence so these do not need to be capitalized. In the third paragraph, the second sentence is a run-on. You will need to learn how to use periods to separate your topic sentences. Never merge them because that will lower your GRA score.  
  
In the conclusion, you made some suggestions that changed the discussion profile. Since your original prompt does not require a personal opinion, that presentation was unwarranted and will therefore, be cause for points deduction in your final score. You should have just continued to summarize the discussion as you started it with the first sentence.
IELTS-Cambridge 8- test 1\_writing task1  
  
**The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s.  
  
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
## reasons of infertile farmlands in different regions

  
  
Given are two figures reveal the reasons of infertile farmlands in different regions. The first one is a pie chart, which provides the proportion of each reason, including over-forestation, over-cultivation and over-grazing. Another figure is table, which provides the percentage of three reasons in three regions, namely, North America, Europe and Oceania. Overall, one particularly interesting fact highlight by figures is that cattle factory is the fatal cause for degradation.  
  
The cattle industry stands 35% in the worldwide farmland, while the timber industry stands 30%. In addition, the agriculture industry densely cultivates the crops and vegetations, it stands 28% in the global. The deforestation, over-cultivation and over-grazing are the main reason lead to the global farmlands less productive, other reasons stand merely 7%.  
  
It is noteworthy that the infertile land in Europe is more than other two regions. The proportion of three of the main reason in deforestation, over-cultivation and over-grazing is 9.8%, 7.7% and 5.5%, respectively. In general, Europe gains 23% infertile land in global statistics. In stark contrast, North America only gains 5% infertile land, 0.2% in deforestation, 3.3% in over-cultivation and 1.5% in over-grazing. It is obvious that the proportion of over-cultivation is 0% in Oceania. Oceania's agriculture is not the importance of their living, instead their cattle industry and timber industry support their living. The proportion of deforestation and over-grazing gain 1.7% and 11.3% in the total 13%.  
  
*
Sandra, your work in this essay could very well score you a maximum of 6 with this type of writing. Your summary overview does not miss any points and even includes the all too important trending statement in it. However, an improvement could have been made in the presentation, which could have increased your score if you had provided the reader with the discussion instructions. The addition of the line:  
  
*This essay will discuss the causes of worldwide land degradation in relation to its regions by presenting general information and making comparisons where relevant.*  
  
would have created a tighter and more efficient summary overview. Your discussion is good, strong, but a bit inconsistent when it came to the sentence count. You need to present the information per paragraph in only 3-5 sentences. Your final paragraph came in at 7 sentences so you should have found a way to divide that into 2 paragraphs instead.
**In the past, most people lived in small villages where everyone knew everyone else.  
Nowadays, most people live in large cities where they only know a few people in their area.  
What do you think were the advantages and disadvantages of living in small community?**  
  
## people still prefer to live in urban area

  
  
Just a few time ago, inhabitant live in the remote area who can be easy to socialize each other. this time, as a growing of population, dweller live in city center who is hard to know each other. this essay will explain merit and demerit by staying in a small clan.  
  
Most people believe that the social condition in the hutment is more delicate which is related to the atmosphere that where many denizen believe it is more quite and calm. Even farther it is affected to the social environment. For instance, in the rural we still can enjoy fresh air without any pollution. As a result, some people hard to leave their place because it's comfortably for them  
  
However, it doesn't mean that live in the burg is always good, the infrastructure in the rural still not build good yet and the impact, it is hard if something bad happen for example the facilities of the medical still lack, however dweller should go to the city center to get better cure. It is also applied for the education system which is many teenager prefer to continue their study in the town. We can not denied that city give more good community service.  
  
To sum up, it is evident that there are several good reason why people still prefer to live in urban while there are also several bad thing of it. In my opinion people are free to choose whenever they want to live as long as they can adjust the condition.
Hi Ummu, glad to read your essay that tell about small village and city center. You have written more than 250 words and your idea about it is good. But you have some mistake. The first, each paragraph you have to write 3 sentence actually, the next in several sentence you use grammatical error for example *We can not denied that city give more good community service.*. Rewrite and pay attention with your grammar. The last, to closing your essay you ought to give suggestion that relate your essay so the problem will be solved.  
  
I hope it help.