dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## living in one place vs the nomad life

  
  
Topic:  
*In the past, people usually stayed in one place throughout their life. These days, people often move around. They often live in several different places in their lifetime.  
  
What are the advantages and disadvantages of both?  
Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant information from your own knowledge experience.*  
  
Essay:  
As the world has greatly developed day by day, people often move around and live in several different places in their life time, not staying in one place like before. As a result, people started to wonder what are the advantages and disadvantages of both ways of life. This essay will give some possible answers before a conclusion is drawn.  
  
It is undeniable that living in one place provides a great deal of help. First to mention is the neighbours, they can offer a helping hand because of the trust built from the long period of living in one place. Another advantage is the stability, since the friendly and familiar environment can result in a quick improvisation, individuals can possess a stable job, a safe life and the convenience in solving the problems in life. However, staying in one place throughout lifetime is rather boring. The fact that seeing one familiar scenery or walking on the same road everyday is really humdrum. Moreover, getting stuck at one place like this prevents individuals from gaining more knowledge and ends up ignorant.  
  
As for the nomad life, it also proves to have lots of advantages. The biggest advantages to mention is the knowledge. Because a travelling way of life means individuals have to move to the new place a lot, therefore, they have the opportunity to widen their knowledge by seeing new scenery, experience new culture. Besides the interest coming from new knowledge, living in various places provides individuals a lot of opportunities to better jobs or fortunes. However, the safety of ones can not be guaranteed when commiting this way of life. Because of the lack of connection to the area, there is no one to trust and as a result, there is no help. In addition, without the knowledge about the area, individuals may find themselves wandering into dangerous zone.  
  
In conclusion, both ways of life possess their own pros and cons. Therefore, choosing which one depends on individuals' perspective.  
  
I am working as an IELTS trainer, therefore I really need all of the feedback to improve my writing skill  
I appreciate all the help you give me. Thank you!
## export earnings (2015-2016)

  
  
The provided graphs demonstrate the transformation of export profits in terms of five export product categories in one country namely: petroleum products, engineered goods, gems and jewellery, agricultural products and textiles, by illustrating both changes in actual amount of earnings and percentage between year 2015 and 2016.  
  
In general, four out of five export merchandises earning values experienced an upward trend from 2015 to 2016, except the one of gems and jewellery that decreased with a drop from approximately 43 to 41 billion. In particular, the petroleum products remained the most profitable among the five export goods during the time period, gaining 61 and 63 billion respectively.  
  
As is observed from the given bar chart and table, the percentage of textiles value presented the sharpest upturn by 15%, which made it reach the total profit value identical to that of agricultural products in 2016 (32 billion). Whereas agricultural products value percentage merely altered by lower than 1 percent (+0.81%).  
  
It is also noticed that the 8.5% rise in engineered goods value stands as second-place amid all percentage shifts, which brought its total earning (62 billion) gradually closer to the revenue of petroleum products(63 billion).  
  
*
**Introduction**  
- It is a picture contained some graphs, however, it represents a graph of information. That said, you may consider changing graphs demonstrate into graph demonstrates  
  
- introduction and overview should be general and not too specific, that being said you may do not specify each category and change it into five categories  
  
**Overview**  
- that decreased with a drop ...: that decreased slightly with the number standing at 41 billion  
- as far as I know, the overview should be general and not mentioning numbers nor years.  
  
**Body 1 and 2**  
- you may give your comparisons in body 1 and the general trend for body 2  
  
your writing is good and I just give the area for improvement. keep up the good work!
## Writing Task 1 IELTS Social Media

  
  
The table illustrates the comparison of user involvement for four different online social platforms, while the percentage of their market share is given in the chart.  
  
In every day, most people prefer to visit Twitter more often with average at 29,1 times, which indicates it as the most favourite social platform, while the number of facebook daily visits is accounted as the second position. However, those users spend the minimum hours per day for accessing both social media. Also, Facebook dominates market share successfully with more than a half percentage, and this contrasts to the other networking sites.  
  
As the remaining social networking platforms, LinkedIn and Instagram are being accessed for the longer times rather than the previous ones, however, the average of daily visits shows the reverse with only 16.6 for the former and 7.2 for the latter. When it comes to the market, both of them also have the lowest percentage with around 12% and 19% respectively.  
  
Overall, Twitter is the most preferable social media since it has the highest rate of daily visits, followed by Facebook which has dominated the market share. Whilst the LinkedIn has the highest proportion of time passed per day, the number of its visits experienced the lowest rate as well as Instagram.  
  
*
@WaddahHamzah  
Welcome to the forum. I hope that my feedback gives you clarity on how to improve your writing.  
  
Omit excessive and unnecessary words throughout your writing. Not only do this add bulk to your writing that you could have used for something more productive, they also take away from the general educational standpoint of the write-up. Hence, if you are able to trim down the content, you can facilitate the writing in a lot more sophisticated way. For example, if we take a look at your second paragraph's sentences, it was clear that you needed to make concise the first portions because they're dragging the effectiveness and quality of your writing. Small mistakes that are observed here are the usage of *in* and the lack of usage of an *an* in the first sentence. Being more detailed will go a long way for you. The last sentence of this same paragraph also needed to just focus on the first phrase (hence, you could have omitted the last one).  
  
Try to be more observant of the pieces of language that you don't actually need in the write-up. Doing this will truly help you become more effective as a writer.
***Some people believe that children should do organized activities in their free time while other believe that children should be free to do what they want to do in their free time.*  
  
## Discuss both view and give your own opinion.**  
  
Activities in the free time of children continue to be a controversial topic, some people think that children should be encouraged to participate in pre-organized activities, while others contend that everyone should be free to choose their own leisure activities. There are valid arguments on both side, which I will discuss now.  
  
On the one hand, engaging organized activities is certainly beneficial for children. It is true that these activities have well-research to bring vital soft skills to children like team spirit and cooperation when they get involve in group activities. For example, many team sports such as football or basketball help children learn how to work with their teammates to achieve their goals. Furthermore, organized activities are safe because children almost are under supervision. Being supported by the supervisors of activities, children gain several valuable experiences to enhance their confidence levels. Soft skills learned from organized activities are beneficial for children in the future.  
  
On the other hand, each child has different hobbies in his or her free time, so it will be better for the development of children if they can take part in activities on their own. In addition, it might be said that it is unwise to force children to do activities which they have no interest in. Choosing leisure activities independently gives children the freedom of thought and responsibilities to take up challenges. Due to the freedom of the choices, children will discover their hidden talents. As can be seen from newspapers or scientific journals, a lot of people gained outstanding achievements in their field because they could keep themselves occupied on their own in childhood stages.  
  
In conclusion, I feel that children should spend their free time doing activities what they really want, because the positive effect on their overall personality. This is as long as children are given a wide range to choose from, to ensure their interest is high, and that such activities will help to develop their skills.
Dear Nguyen,  
Overall, it is a well-writen essay that only contains minor errors, for example:  
  
1. "There are valid arguments on ~~both side~~ sides"  
The word "both" should be followed by a plural noun as it indicates two subjects, in this case there are two sides who agree and disagree with the notion.  
  
2. "when they get involved in ..."  
It will be better if you take some time to proofread your essay to minimise spelling mistakes.  
  
3. "Due to the freedom of ~~the~~ choice~~s~~ ..."  
To avoid using inappropriate word choice, you might need to check whether or not you have written it in a right way.  
  
4. "It is true that these activities have ..." => "Many studies have shown that these activities bring vital soft skills..."  
In order to make the essay more concise, you might want to consider to change your sentence:
## solar powered heating system

  
  
The diagram presents process of solar energy water heating system and location options to put solar panels.  
  
Overall, the heating system begin to run by turning on the controller until when water fall to water tank, it ready to use. On the other hand, there are two options where to put solar panels.  
  
Firstly, trun on the controller. Cold water that enter the water tank will be pumped with thermal fluid to solar panels that is used to collect solar energy. The water that pass the panels will be heated and fall to heating coil inside water tank. Hot water ready to use with open the taps or showers.  
  
Secondly, ideal position to put solar panels is angle to sun 90°, south facing, and should not be obstructed by trees. By put solar panels on the land, they are not only easy to cleaning and maintenance, but they are also easy to obstruct. In contrast, by put solar panels above the roof, they show the reverse.  
  
*
Hello Good Night sir...  
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I'm Try your classmate..  
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He we go...  
  
Just the only suggestion that I give to you!!  
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First of all, from the grammar mistake you have!  
\*do not forget your article *the process*  
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\*Missing S on the subject-verb agreement - should be begin*S*  
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\*Spelling ~~trun~~ change becoming *turn*  
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\*~~Cold water~~ <===> without space *Coldwater*  
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\*~~pass~~<===> use *passing* or *passes* because the subject is water should be plural  
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\* by put*ting*  
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#This just a few suggestion that I guess it...  
#Thank you very much and have a nice day 😊
@santrinabawi  
Thanks for coming to the site. Hopefully, this feedback gives you an idea on how you can improve your writing!  
  
You need to be extra cautious when you are composing your sentences. There are areas wherein you appear to be a tad bit incomprehensible. For instance, in the first part of your discussion of the sentence composition, the flow of writing needs to be worked on. What I suggest is being extra cautious in terms of consistency of tenses for when you are writing. For instance, take a look at how I will correct this sentence: The water that pass the panels will be heated**, eventually falling to the heating coil inside the water tank.** ~~and fall to heating coil inside water tank.~~  Notice how I changed it to appear as though it's a more streamlined process. Read up again on the proper usage of tenses to help you with this.  
  
I noticed the same issue with your last sentence. You should have said that you are *putting solar panels on the land*, not *put solar panels*. The direction of the writing is towards present participle - be cautious of this.
Hi Mr. Bilal,  
Thank you for providing me with insightful advices related to IELTS writing task 1. In return, I would like to give you some feedback as well, hoping that it will help you improve your writing.  
  
... the (1) process of ... and ~~location options~~ possible locations (2) to ...  
  
In my opinion, you already wrote a good, concise introduction. However, you still need to pay a close attention to the article usage (1) and paraphrase the words (2).  
  
Overall, the heating system begins (1) to run ... until ~~when~~ (2) water falls (3) to ~~water~~ the (4) tank, ~~it~~ (5) ready ~~to use~~ (6) for daily use. ... where ~~to put solar panels~~ the solar panels can be installed (6).  
  
Based on my observation, you may need to be more careful when it comes to subject verb agreement as you made several grammatical errors as seen in number (1) and (3). Besides, you should omit several words, like number (2) and (4) to write the essay more succinctly. I suggest you to carve out some time to check whether or not your word choice is approriate, for example: "ready to use" can be changed into "ready for daily use" (5). Also, when using an adjective clause, you need to follow it with subject and verb. In this case, I give you a correction using passive voice to widen the grammatical range.
@Rushilkumar  
Welcome to the forum. I hope that my feedback gives you insight on how to improve this writing! Don't hesitate to come and ask more.  
  
Like what I always tell others, the first sentence would be better utilized if you attempted to expound here in the most straightforward way possible. Opening up with your opinion on a National Geographic doesn't really tell anything to the evaluators of what your purpose is. Instead, move here the part where you mention what specifically you are applying for. Afterward, incorporate a short line on *why*. It is imperative that you build a purpose from the beginning.  
  
Be mindful also of small technical mistakes in writing such as punctuation, capitalization, preposition, and the like. Throughout your writing, especially in areas wherein you were getting more specific with relaying information, it was noticeable how you still struggled with these forms of sentiments when you should have had a simpler writing pattern for that portion.  
  
What I generally advise for your writing would be to have a plan. Oftentimes, when I see cluttered and slightly disorganized content for personal essays, they simply tell me that you didn't properly outline and delineate the information prior to writing - hence, why you end up with a slightly disheveled type of writing.
## salary for entertainers

  
  
**Some feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sport stars are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of jobs should be highly paid ?**  
  
Today, the ostentatious manner of many celebrities in the entertainment industry can easily appeal to the tastes of both young and old. While many people opine that these entertainers are just simply overpaid and that the money they receive is not commensurate with their talents and efforts, I totally disagree with this view. This essay will discuss why I think film stars, pop singers, or sports stars deserve their incomes and then I will describe others jobs that should also be highly paid in the society.  
  
The main reason why I believe renowned entertainers' salaries are not exaggerated is that they have to expend assiduous efforts in exchange of their reputation. In pursuance of having the best performances, actors or athletes may need to undergo hard, even rigorous, trainings, which requires huge amount of time and energy spent. As a result, they would lose quality time for themselves as well as with their families due to their tight schedules of shooting or training, which are considered to be necessary to finally please their directors and audiences. For example, actor Christian Bale had to lose over 30 kilograms during his strict trainings in order to perfectly suite character 'patient' in the movie The Machinist before raised his weight again to 100 kilograms in the movie Batman begins. In addition, illustrious entertainers do not earn disproportionately lucrative income because audiences are people who pay money to see their performances and contribute to their high salary. If a large number of fans are willing to pay to see their favorite celebrity, it would be understandable that those famous ones will gain tremendous amount of money.  
  
From my perspective, there are other occupations that should receive higher salary to truly reflect the dedication and efforts. Firstly, doctors should be paid more because of the importance of their work. This is because since they are those who can save people's lives and help patients escape form critical condition, giving them hope, doctors should be rewarded for their great contribution. Secondly, as their job is to educate the youth and impart knowledge upon them in their life, teachers ought to have higher income compared to other occupations. Furthermore, teaching plays a pivotal role in the development of a country by educating the young generation who in turn become the leader of the country, which makes teachers deserve a higher social standing as well as higher income.  
  
In conclusion, I reiterate my strong belief that today entertainers are not overpaid as they have to put in hard efforts, and their works in return are totally paid by loyal audiences. Additionally, doctors and teachers are two of other types of jobs that need to earn significantly larger salaries for not only their devotion but also their role as a cornerstone of the development of a society.  
  
This is Ielts essay in task 2 Writing. Hope to receive your feedbacks!  
Thank you!
@Thangnguyen315  
Welcome again. Here is my feedback for this specific work.  
  
Your over-explanation can negatively affect the way that you introduce information. Try to stick with more relevant content. Omit what's unnecessary. Once you're able to clear these out, I assure you that your writing will appear to be a lot more versatile as you will have details that are more softly focused on what you actually need to have in the essay. For example, the introductory paragraph's first two lines are too heavy in a way that you could have written them a lot more delicately and shortly. You don't need to overtly explain everything from the first paragraph, considering the fact that you are supposed to do that in the body paragraphs.  
  
With regards to the rest of the writing, try your best to not add too much unnecessary parts in the body paragraphs themselves. Notice how the second paragraph had an entire three lines dedicated to Christian Bale when you could have shortened this to just one. By cutting down on excessive details that don't really add a lot to your writing, you can focus a lot more on important angles in the conclusion that are noticeably not giving sufficient information to here.
## essay about living or studying abroad

  
  
It is argued by some that living or studying aboard brings more benefit for those of people while the others assume that also has some difficulty when they arrive to another country for those purposes.  
  
The individuals who leave their hometown to live in other places out of their country for academic target will probably get a chance to approach to a higher educational standard that makes them better in their career in the future. That is the reason why some reputation universities in the developed countries included Harvard, MIT, Oxford ,... always attracts numerous student around the world to reach there for their higher education.  
  
Additionally, people tend to live in aboard due to finding a well-paid job which can enhance their living standard. It should be regarded by some factors that trigger individuals to dwell in another country is good welfare, insurance policies or the standard of medical services.  
  
Nevertheless, living aboard still have some challenges: the differences in the culture will trigger someone shocked or language barrier will prevent them from the social communication. The phenomenon of homesick is also a common issue that make students easily get bored when it comes to the problem of living or studying aboard. Moreover, in order to take advantage of a good farewell, immigrants have to pay more tax than regular one in their hometown that make them deal with financial problems.  
  
To conclude, although some negative effects that living or studying abroad brings, the positive aspects outweigh the disadvantages. Therefore, it is recommended that people should live or study in another country to enrich not only their experiences in adopting the indigenous culture there but also their living condition.