dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Okay, if you want to use the 2 reasoning paragraph option for this discussion then you need to use the correct written debate format for it. That means, you first discuss the public opinion, giving the supporting reasons for it, then, in the same paragraph, explain why you agree or disagree with the option. You cannot use one paragraph for one general discussion then move on to your personal opinion.  
  
Given the general discussion presentation in this essay, you appear to be delivering your personal opinion rather than an analysis of the public reason. That is because of the lack of proper point of view referencing based on the "Some people" and "others" discussion references from the original prompt. This is an invalid discussion format that does not clearly address the prompt discussion instruction.  
  
A clear comparison discussion must be presented for both reasons representing the strength and weakness of each public opinion, with your personal opinion addressing what you think of each public consideration in each paragraph. That will indicate that you truly analyzed the points for discussion based on public and personal perceptions.  
  
This essay is only partially correct in presentation format. It offers a general and personal discussion that may or may not be scored highly by the examiner based on the task accuracy requirements.
## IELTS Writing task 1 mixed

  
  
Question: The first graph shows the number of train passengers from 2000 to 2009; the second compares the percentage of trains running on time and target in the period.  
  
**My essay:**  
The line graph at the top depicts the number of train riders from 2000 to 2009 while the line graph below compares the proportion of trains that run on time to the target.  
  
Overall, it is clear that the number of people who use trains remains relatively stable throughout the period. In addition, the percentage of trains that run punctually falls below the target most of the time.  
  
The number of people using trains rose moderately from around 35 million to around 45 million passengers. In the following years, the figure fell slightly from 45 million to 40 million users then rose to just above 40 million users  
  
Regarding the second line graph, the proportion of trains running on time rose considerably from 92% to 96% in 2004, rose above the target line. The figure then fell by 5% in 2006, which makes it below the target. The proportion of trains running on time rose above the target line again in 2008 at 97% then remain steady until the end of the period. (173 words)  
  
*
Rather than saying "The image on top" and "The image at the bottom", refer to the titles of the images only. Positioning on the page does not matter as much as the accurate explanation of what the images depict. That is because the assumption is that you are writing a report and as such, the positioning on the page does not carry any importance. I applaud how you properly chose and reported on the trend for each image. The separation of trends is evident and creates an easy to understand measurement path for the individual images.  
  
The reporting paragraphs could use a better and more efficient analysis of the presentation. The ideal reporting sentence number is 3, no more than 5. That is because the report becomes clearer using individual sentence analysis and comparison discussions. Your writing portrays a compressed analysis and very little comparison, when there is room for a better analysis and comparative discussion presentation based on the images provided.  
  
Overall, the report is acceptable. It is simple and direct to the point and may score well in an actual setting considering it has 173 words. This score can be improved even further by writing up to 200 words. Do not be afraid to do a more comprehensive reporting job. It is the way that you understand the image and report on it that will help you get a higher score. You will be able to create a more cohesive and coherent report through the proper and more complex use of words and sentence formations.
While the '*overall'* part is fine enough on it's own, the first graph seems to have more accurately fluctuated throughout the years rather than being *relatively stable*. You also missed out on the point that 45million is the highest number of passengers reached throughtout the provided period. You also failed to mention the standard percentage the second graph has been using. *'remain steady'* might be an overused term, you can use '*plateaued'* instead to boost your band in the range of vocabulary quota. Same goes for *'it is clear'*, a *'as is evident from the graphs'* would earn you a better band. Other than that, you have written an overall good report.
## IELTS Task 1 Pie Chart and Table

  
  
Task1:  
*The chart below shows what Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in work after five years.*  
  
The pie chart shows what destination of anthropology graduates from one university took after graduating from their degree courses, the table compares the salaries the anthropologists received after five-years work in three different types of employment: freelance consultants, government sector and privates companies .  
  
Overall, the majority Anthropology students chose to work after graduation, and the anthropologists who worked in government sector relatively earned higher incomes than other types of employment.  
  
In the pie chart, over half of graduated anthropology students worked full time, accounting for the most significant percentage, while only 5% of them continued to study postgraduate degree and working part-time at the same time. The percentage of part-time workers, which was similar with unemployed's counterpart, occupied the second significant at 15%, compared with just 8% in both factors of full-time postgrad-study and not-known.  
  
As shown in table, most of anthropologists in government sector earned over 100,000 dollar, at 50%, while the least at 20% in salaries between $25,000 and $74,999. Meanwhile, the freelance consultants were overwhelmingly employed in the upper pay scales at 40% in both $75,000 - $99,999 and $100,000+, the remainders were same as the government sector. However, in private companies, only 30% of employees payed over $100,000, and over half of them received lower payment under $74,999.  
  
*
The task 1 essay and the task 2 essay have different word count requirements. The Task 1 essay requires you to write no more than 200 words since you only have 20 minutes to complete the task. That means, you cannot allot more than 10 minutes to the drafting of the essay, 5 minutes to write it, and another 5 minutes to revise and finalize. You have written 226 words, the essay is over written. The paragraphs needs to be more concise. That means, using lesser words to explain yourself within 3-5 sentences. Since you are watching YouTube vidoes for your tutorial, I am surprised you have not come across this lesson yet.  
  
By the way, this will be the last review you will receive from me. As an educational consultant, I avoid confusing the students who are already learning from other tutors, in this case, your YouTube teachers. Giving you a seperate set of instructions, that may or may not be the same as the videos you are watching will not be beneficial to your learning process. Neither will I alter my advising / teaching style to suit the method you have already learned. Nor will I tell you why the videos might be right or wrong. It is all about personal teaching styles. So, this will be the last review you will receive from me.  
  
While you do have the option to choose between generic YouTube tutorials or targeted improvement advice from me, I am guessing you prefer to use the YT videos since you have indicated in other posts where you advise other students that the advice from the videos have been very helpful to you. Thus negating the authority of the advice I give students as the resident educational consultant here. You have implied to other users here that you do not believe you are getting effective advice from me so I will no longer waste my time helping you.
## age competition among the young and old

  
  
In recent years, the labour market is becoming more remarkably competitive than before, with the competition between the different ages in search of the same jobs. There are a number of problems that can explain this trend; some solutions need to be implemented to tackle these potential problems.  
  
The chief problem is the employee's real experience. It is obvious that older candidates possess a richer source of experience compared to the younger counterparts who are struggling to find a secure job after graduation. Therefore, recruiters have preferences in hiring aged people which leads to the shortage of work for young generations in job hunting. In addition, the workforce is less productive. Junior workers tend to be more energetic and dynamic; in contrast, the senior workers may have lower levels of productivity due to their health problems or timetables for child rearing.  
  
However, there are a range of possible options to solve the problems. One effective way to deal with this is governments should implement new regulations to decrease the retirement age. Therefore, young generations may alleviate competitive pressures on landing a job. Another answer is that enterprises ought to use both junior and senior employees to create a diversified working environment. Two age groups have the opportunity to learn skills as well as knowledge with each other . This contributes to bringing huge benefits for their firms.  
  
In conclusion, various measures can be taken to solve the problems caused by the competition between old generations and younger counterparts.
Good work on the creative prompt restatement that totally changed the word usage from the original, without changing the topic focus. It is clear that you are referring to the age competition among the young and old. You clearly understood how the rephrasing should be presented to the examiner.  
  
However, you failed to provide convincing opinion thesis statements because, rather than responding to the questions provided, you offered a repeat of the questions instead. By repeating the instructions, you did not provide your clear opinion in relation to the 2 discussion questions provided. There are supposed to be 2 discussion topic references that should tie in with your forthcoming explanation paragraphs. So you will recieve points for the restatement, but will not receive enough point considerations for the thesis statements due to the lack of its proper representation in the paragraph.  
  
You have very strong discussion paragraphs that clearly and appropriately represent the problems and solutions as required. There is a clear relationship between the discussion paragraphs as well. The topics presented are coherent and cohesive. Good work. You stayed on track regarding both discussion questions and developed these ideas in a manner that increases your overall score. Word usage was simple, but applicable to the discussion. You did not seek to impress the examiner with advanced English words used out of context. The simplicity of your discussion is the overall strength of this presentation.  
  
The conclusion is problematic though. You wrote less than 40 words in that paragraph. It lacks the required elements of:  
- Topic restatement  
- Summarized causes  
- Summarized solutions  
- Closing sentence  
  
This inaccurate summary conclusion, along with the incorrectly formatted opinion statement in the restatement+opinion paragraph are the weakest portions of this presentation. These will be the score reducing sections and can really pull down your final score in the process. These are the sections you should work on improving the next time you write a prompt that uses the causes and solutions format.
Hello, Jasmine. Hope this suggestion would help you, I used to struggle from the same problem that shown on this writing: lack of elaboration.The ideas are amazing, but the details given seem not relevant to the ideas.  
  
I assume that most of our writing teachers told us to writing bullet points and fit them in "Firstly", "Secondly" and other order words like that. But it is not true. It is better to explain just one ideas in each paragraphs, and the following sentences in the paragraph should explain and elaborate more details about your idea with some concrete examples. So the examiners can better understand your ideas.
## funds on public services instead of wasting money on arts

  
  
Some people believe that the government should invest money in public services instead of wasting money in the arts. In my opinion, I disagree with this point of view and I think that art should receive the same fund as public services  
  
On the one hand, there are a myriad of reasons why the government should spend money on public services. First, public services such as public transportation reduce air pollution and congestion. The main cause of air pollution is exhaust fumes released from personal vehicles such as motorbikes and cars. Compared to cars, public transport is much eco-friendlier since less emissions are produced per passenger. Therefore, by spending money on mass transportation, the air pollution problem can be mitigated quite effectively. Besides, it also cuts down traffic jams because more people riding on buses, trains, and other public systems means there are fewer vehicles on the road to cause traffic. In addition, if the government spends money on other public services like healthcare, the health of our society can improve, thus increasing the life expectancy of our country.  
  
On the other hand, the investment on the art should not be neglected. Firstly, travelers from other countries come to view the ancient structures, and by spending money on preserving artistic past, a country can entice visitors to return. This approach helps the tourism industry develop prosperously. Additionally, arts can improve citizen's spiritual health. That is because watching music performances or pieces of art can reduce stress levels and bring a lot of joy to many people after a stressful working day. Last but not least, the art industry employs a large number of people. When a famous artist organizes a concert or a major artist holds a painting exhibition, hundreds of people are employed to ensure that the event can take place successfully.  
  
In conclusion, I hold the view that the government should allocate money equally to both public services and the arts because of the aforementioned advantages.
I disagree  
To what extent? The measured response is required. You need to frame your response to show a measured or analytical element to your response. I would have framed this, based on your response opinion, as:  
  
*I disagree with this opinion to the extent that there are valid reasons for art to recieve equal funding as public services.*  
  
Notice how the extent of my disagreement is clearer in this presentation? The measurement exists to show where my disagreement with the statement starts and ends.  
  
I think  
Remember that your opinion is scored based on 2 considerations:  
- Clarity of your opinion  
- Strength of your opinion  
  
Both are not met by your response due to the clear uncertainty of your presentation. Your opinion is not a valid one.  
  
The reasoning instructions do not support the equality of funding opinion that you stated. That is because neither reason presents any commonality in the reasoning that show an equal importance for funding, when done side by side. For example, an equal argument would be:  
  
*Funding for the arts is based on the idea of teaching people about beautification. These are done in museums through sculptures and paintings. Sponsoring the artists who create these pieces. Public services also serve to beautify our surroundings. These are done through public landscaping and artistic murals. Therefore, funding for the arts is equivalent to funding public services.*  
  
See the commonality and connectivity in the discussion. It is a clear, coherent, and cohesive discussion of a reason why public services and the arts should recieve equal funding. This is the type of reasoning that would earn you a higher scoring consideration in an actual setting.  
  
because of the aforementioned advantages.  
The requirement is for you to restate the reasons you provided in the earlier paragraphs through a simple and quick restatement. This is not a completely developed concluding summary paragraph.
Hi everyone! I'm a newbie. Please help me with this essay!  
Can anyone please estimate a band score and some advice so that I can improve my writing skill?  
  
## IELTS TASK 1: Employment Rates of four Countries

  
  
The graph below shows the employment rates of 4 countries:  
  
Here is my essay:  
  
The given bar chart shows the employment rate of males and females in South Africa, Chile, Finland and Norway in 2002.  
  
In general, the employment rate of males in all four countries is higher than the rate of females. The rate of men and women in Finland and Norway is almost the same. However, in South Africa, the rate of these two genders is slightly different and there is a big gap in Chile.  
  
Specifically, in comparison of the employment rate of males in all four countries, the bar graph shows that Norway has the highest employment rate, which is about 80% then following that is the rate in Chile and Finland which are almost similar to 70% and South Africa has the lowest employment rate of male. On the other hand, in terms of comparing the female employment rate, Norway is the country that not only has the highest employment rate of males but also the rate of females. Moreover, South Africa still stands in the last position, Finland is the second and Chile is the third one.  
  
To sum up, the employment rate of males and females in four countries in 2002 are almost different from others. Only, Finland and Chila both have a similar male employment rate.  
  
*
When you write the summary overview, of which the trending statement is included, you will need to limit the information for your trend. In this current presentation, you actually began a comparison discussion already, which should be presented in the next 2 paragraphs. The trend should only indicate the first sentence. The rest is an over statement already. You should be careful never to start the discussion in the trending paragraph. Good work on the summary overview though. The examiner would have preferred to see at least 2 summary sentences rather than this long and compressed sentence, you managed to avoid confusing the reader with the provided information so the run-on deductions will not be too severe.  
  
Specifically  
This is a connecting word. It is often used to connect a previous sentence idea to the next one. It is not used at the start of a sentence, much less at the start of a paragraph. Why? There is no information to connect at that point yet. The trending paragraph stands alone and should not continue into the reporting paragraphs.  
  
To sum up,  
There is no concluding statement requirement in the task 1 essay. There is no opinion discussion presented in this task, so there is no need to summarize or close the discussion. Your approach is actually incorrect if we consider the paragraph format for the task. The format is:  
  
Paragraph 1 - Summary overview + trending statement  
Paragraph 2 - Analytical report  
Paragraph 3 - Comparative analysis  
Paragraph 4 - (Optional, used only when 2 images are provided) Additional discussion points  
  
I apologize but I cannot offer you a score for this essay. You have to contact me privately for the rubic based scoring analysis of your essay. Scores are not part of our free review services.
While the prompt seems to indicate that you should use an outline format to respond to the questions, the reality is that the reviewers will be looking for your ability to write an engaging and imaginative essay in paragraph format. That way you can take the reviewers along with you on your journey of discovery and how these indicators led to your decision to attend Colonel Grey High School.  
  
Remember, your outline titles count as part of the word allowance. Do not waste that count. Outlining your response is totally unnecessary since your essay is pretty solid at this point. You just need to connect the paragraphs better to allow for a more integrated response. Revise the essay to blend the outlined responses instead.  
  
Truth be told, the first half of this presentation sounds like it was taken directly from travel websites and researched information. There is no personal connection between the places and your decision to attend the high school. Work on creating the personal connection in the blended response. Focus less on the image and more on the way that you believe you will benefit from exposure to these places in terms of your physical, mental, academic, and social development as a high school student.
## nobody will buy printed newspapers or books in the future

  
  
The traditional newspapers or books printed will not be used in the future anymore because it will be superseded completely by free information on the Internet. I robustly disagree with this statement through some personal reasons below.  
  
Although there are many conveniences from reading books or online newspapers, the printed newspapers and books also accounts for a particular habit of almost people from ancient to now. Some persons, especially the older, read printed documents their whole life, so they will find it hard to change their habits. They may be had some issues and reduced their eyes function, which makes them have a headache when using modern pieces of equipment for a long time.  
  
The second reason is the disadvantages of reading online everything. Everybody has to clarify that some techniques such as laptops, mobile phones always carry the high energy visible which known as the blue light, this light will affect directly to the eyes. Furthermore, on the Internet, there has too much excited information and content which makes some people can not focus on the major content. Moreover, because the free in providing information, most websites have to receive more advertisements which are the virus's resources.  
  
To conclude, the traditional newspaper or books can not be replaced completely because the online resources also have a lot of drawbacks and the information written on printed documents was more exactly than others.  
  
Cambridge test 2 task 2\_ Please can you help me to estimate my band score in IELTS ? Thank you very much  
  
*