dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***Question: Young people in the modern world seem to have more power and influence than any previous young generation.  
Why is this the case?  
What impact does this have on the relationship between old and young people?***  
  
## Young generation rules

  
  
**Answer:**  
  
In today's society, it seems like the older generations are no longer a figure of authority. Rather, young people are becoming unprecedentedly influential in a number of ways. The results of this trend are various changes in the young - old generation relationship.  
  
The influences that young people possess today are largely a result of technology development. Firstly, the wide availability of Internet provides not only unlimited sources of knowledge, but also new schools of thoughts and immediately updated events around the world for the youth. Such knowledge is a profound means of empowerment, as it provides young people with critical thinking skills and a more accurate view of the world around them. In addition, new means of communication, especially social media, offer a convenient platform for the young to express their opinions. As a result, young people nowadays constitute a major, influential part of public opinions on social matters.  
  
As a result of this trend, the relationship between the old and young generations is undergoing profound, and mostly positive changes. Specifically, preceding generations used to be the powerhouse in the society. They were typically more knowledgeable, and thus carried more weight to their words. As young people start to be empowered by knowledge, the relationship seems to demonstrate more equality, which allows more converstion and understanding between the generations.  
  
In conclusion, the rapid development of technology has given young people a more influential role in the society. Such change has made the relationship between young and old generations more equal. This appears to be a positive change since it allows generations to nurture more understanding in the inter-generation relationship.
Your overall idea is clear to understand adn the logical order flows smoothly.  
However, there are some minor mistakes that I think you should correct to improve:  
... are *the* various changes ...  
... *the* unlimited sources of knowledge, ... and ~~immediately~~ frequently updated events".  
  
Also, you should add a connector in your thesis statement to link the two sentences and paraphrase the connector "as a result" in the first sentence of the second body paragraph.  
  
Hope this helps you one way or another!
Tran, the immediate problem that I saw with your essay is that it is not as close to the original as it should be because you focused on beginning the discussion of your response rather than familiarizing the reader with the prompt discussion and its related questions first. Let me show you a sample of a more applicable paraphrase.  
  
*The rise of the current generation of youth in terms of control and impact in the 21st century when compared to the past eras of young people has created a question regarding this growing trend. I believe that this is happening because... Therefore, the impact it has between the previous generation and the current young generation is...*  
  
Do not use 2 topics in one paragraph. Your first topic will always be better developed than the second topic because these share a 5 sentence maximum count. Focus on a proper explanation of one topic in one paragraph. You have a total of 3 body paragraphs allotted for your discussion. Maximize its use by discussing one topic per paragraph, you will create a better explanation and presentation for each reason. In this essay, you discussed 2 topics in the second paragraph and I found myself unsettled by the way that your reasoning was portrayed as uneven and incomplete in the said paragraph.  
  
Your concluding paragraph is not an appropriate concluding summary because you added a new topic for discussion at the end of it.  
  
Such change has made the relationship between young and old generations more equal. This appears to be a positive change since it allows generations to nurture more understanding in the inter-generation relationship.  
This created an open ended rather than concluded final essay paragraph instead. Use the concluding paragraph in the proper manner, that of a concluding summary that highlights the discussion points and a restatement of the prompt and your opinion in a newly worded manner as the closing sentences instead.
*Some employers want to be able to contact their staff at all times, even on holidays. Does this development have more disadvantages than advantages?*  
  
## Holidays for workers

  
  
Nowadays we get used to have a busman's holiday. We have a holiday but don not realize how we get a phone call from our employer, and our whole holiday spoils. Employee accessibility plays vital role in maintaining smooth business and has become a must in today's world. This practice which will get even more popular in the coming days has its own advantages and disadvantages as well.  
  
To begin with, some professions need working overtime or not working at certain time so employer must be able to contact every of his employees. Medical and nursing professionals have to be there in case of patient emergencies, trauma or calamities and there is nothing wrong about it. The main advantage is that you have saved person's life. About business is the same. Phone call, presentation, or email at right time can save your company and help avoid many problems. However, you have to wait your employees to return from their holiday. They can relax when there is no emergency case in the company, but you are obligated to let them free for time and realize how you waste a precious time. Nowadays, multi nationals companies make very successful tactics. They keep their employees on cloud nine by providing them with free monthly Internet and mobile balance and in this way the boss and his employees can reach each other to accomplish some urgent tasks.  
  
On the flip side, overworking is not good alternative too. Some people do not want to have even a single phone call from their boss. Despite being on holiday, they have the feeling of being haunted by their employer. In this way boss' staff can develop negativity against him. Moreover, some individuals are forced to work round the clock. This leads to overworking, which may further lead to health risk, and other related issues. Research indicates that people who work without getting enough rest often fail to concentrate on the task they are given the next day.  
  
To sum up, I tend to believe that employees should be left alone after office hours because constant touch can evoke a feeling of resentment towards the employer. Furthermore, without getting enough relax, these people cannot tear down the burden from their minds.
## Rules at work - dress code

  
  
In the workplace, dress codes are less important than before and employers focus more on the performance of their work. While I agree that the way that people's outfit should not consider as measurement of result at workplace, I believe that dress codes still play an important role in some jobs.  
  
Firstly, many employers have stopped claim their staffs to wear properly at work and I see this is a positive trend. Some of the most successful companies in the world such as Google and Facebook are famous for its relaxing work environments that respect every individuals' outfit and agree to wear casually at work. And even the people at a higher position in the company wear the casual T-shirt and jeans. However, this cultural broke the traditional and they are expected to perform at a high quality of work. It is obvious to see the strict code aren't necessary nowadays.  
  
However, I also argue that the rules of dress code at work are still relevant in some industries. We expected certain professionals such as nurses, salesperson, and doctor to wear uniforms. These uniform have representative a image that creates a safe feeling for their clients. Furthermore, outfit is also presented as someone's authority or the class in the society such as lawyer, government principle, even CEO of the company may choose to wear formal clothing in order to show their authority at work. We all like to see these people wearing in a formal outfit even if we aren't in strict matters.  
  
In conclusion, I support the point that employee have freedom to choose whatever they want at work, but I do not agree this idea apply to all sectors of the industries.
Felicia, your response is more appropriate for an extent essay that uses the basis of "I partially agree" as the thesis statement. In this essay, you are being asked to support a singular point of view. There is a choice that is being given in the prompt statement. Do you agree or disagree? In an opinion essay of this type you must choose only one opinion to support due to the limitations presented by the C&C considerations.  
  
You can tell the single opinion essay apart from the two point of view essay because of the prompt discussion instructions. The minute you see the word "OR" between agree and disagree, that is a single opinion essay. When you read the instruction "Discuss both points of view", that is when you should write an essay in the presentation style that you used for this essay.  
  
The reason you need to pick one opinion for this essay is simple, you cannot support sides of the discussion without having a more dominant support for one side. It is the more dominant discussion side that the examiner is interested in reading about. That is because you are being given a chance to focus only on one topic for presentation so that you can improve your overall score based on the 4 scoring considerations.  
  
By the way, the opening paraphrase and concluding summary are still considered as part of the C&C scoring so you still need to present at least 3 sentences, but no more than 5 sentences in those paragraph presentations otherwise you lose points for not following the proper format for paragraphs in the essay test.
*Question: Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations such thing as foods and education? Or is it the responsibility of the government of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves?*  
  
## Help if possible and don't forget about own citizens

  
  
My Answer:  
  
Many nations are considered to be in the third world country. These countries have the capabilities to share what they have to other poorer nations like giving basic needs and proper education. This act is a form of international camaraderie within the nations. However, a government is responsible to improve its citizens to have a livelihood to acquire basic needs especially in poorer country.  
  
We have known a lot of country that can stand alone without the help of other. Those which have a progressive economy and rich with resources. They have the capabilities to extend a help to other unfortunate country to at least attain food as their basic needs and formal education to the children. For instance, United States of America have contributed water and food in the remote area in South Africa where in some part suffers famine. Russia offered educational funds to put schools a secluded town of Haiti so that children do not need to travel long distances to attend classes.  
  
In contrast to that, government of poorer country also have the responsibility to lift up their citizens. The government should know how to improve the livelihood of people within their area. They should be encouraged to use up their resources for them to survive in daily lives. In addition, not the only government to blame why the country became poor but also on the citizen. If people are wise enough to create a source of income such as in agriculture and crops, they will surely survived. The government has all the tools and resources to contribute to its citizens.  
  
Taking all into considerations, wealthy nations should help other poorer country because they have all the capabilities to do so and sharing improve the relationship internationally. But then again, it is the responsibility of the government to improve its people and of course, with the active participation of its citizens.  
  
Disclaimer: The example I used is not factual.
Hi,  
  
The essay is a good attempt, however, could do with few structural modifications.  
  
1) The intro consists of background statement (topic sentence paraphrased) and thesis ( that is your opinion). It is best to start your opinion with a clear statement such as "In my opinion".  
  
2) In conclusion, it is advisable to conclude with a statement "In conclusion" and restating your opinion.  
  
It is easier for the examiner to locate information base on marking criteria that have clear titles.  
  
By the way in your essay question, it is hard to understand what type of essay you are writing. It's better to copy and paste the whole question as it is.  
  
Wishes you best with your endeavors.
Ebab, this is a direct question essay that asks you to pick one opinion in response to the question. Every time you see the word OR in the original prompt that is an indicator that it is a single opinion discussion essay. In this case, it is a single opinion response to a direct question. Speaking of the original prompt, your paraphrasing is unclear. You said "third world countries" when these are the very countries that require help. The correct term would have been "first world countries" as the affluent countries that give aid is oftentimes described as "first world". The proper paraphrase for this is:  
  
*A discussion regarding foreign aid to poorer nations has been taking for some time now. Some countries believe that the first world countries are duty bound to help the third world nations when it comes to basic necessities such as food and education. My personal take on this matter is that the poor nation's government has the full responsibility of making sure their citizens have access to their basic needs.*  
  
Make sure that your opening statement is an accurate depiction of the original discussion statement and instructions. If you change any reference, you will end up changing the prompt discussion and such mistakes can cause you to fail the TA scoring section. In this instance, you used the term third world to refer to the first world countries, that would have affected not only your TA score but your LR score as well because you are misusing a term, proving that your English vocabulary is not only limited, but that you do not understand the meaning of English terms either.  
  
Your disclaimer is useless to us as reviewers because in an actual test, you are expected to use factual popular information, you cannot make things up. You have to prove that you have a working knowledge of current events as well as part of the TA considerations. For your next practice tests, use popular information in a manner that shows how you best understand the discussion topic and your ability to discuss it in English.
*The charts summarise the weight measurements of people living in Charlestown in 1955 and 2015.  
  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.*  
  
## analysis of weight issues

  
  
The bar charts provide an analysis of weight issues of the residents of Charlestown over the period of 60 years.  
In 1955, there was a large proportion of people from all ages being ideally fit, ranged from 45% to roughly 70%. At the same time, obesity was not a serious health problem; with only 20% of middle-aged and elderly people were diagnosed. In fact, a more noticeable problem was being underweight, particularly affecting more than 40 percent of the old.  
  
In contrast, being underweight was not that significant in 2015. In fact, it was only the problem among the youths while the number of underweight people aged from 60-69 had fallen to approximately 10%. However, obesity, resulted directly from being overweight, had become the most serious health problem for people after their 20s. At the same time, while the vast majority of the youths could stay healthy, hardly could people do so since they reached 40.  
  
Overall, it is clear that there has been a rocket in the number of Charlestown's residents diagnosed with obesity while the problem of people being underweight seems to be solved within 60 years.  
  
**I am going to sit an IELTS exam in August, I really hope to receive feedbacks and be scored, if possible.  
Best regards!**  
  
*
@hyperephania your presentation is lacking a trending statement and proper summary overview. This is not a comparison chart covering 60 years. It is a comparison chart of the years 1955 and 2015. There is a big difference between a 60 year comparison chart and a yearly comparison chart. If this were a 60 year comparison chart, the decades covering 60 years would have been indicated in the chart. That is not what is indicated so your statement is inaccurate. Since you are writing a paraphrase of the chart report, you need to make sure that your information is accurate because if it isn't, then you can and will fail the test.  
  
With that said, I have to say that this is a poorly written essay as you have it presented. The reason? You are not using the data in the chart appropriately. For every percentage measurement, there is a corresponding age range indicated. Yet you do not mention the facts that cover the age completely. Rather, you just refer to middle age and old age or people after their 20's. Again, use the data in the chart. How can you be expected to present a proper analysis of the provided information if you do not present the information to the reader? If you cannot use the data provided, the report you are providing becomes questionable and cannot be used by the reader as an authoritative source of information. Where are the main features? Where are the comparisons of information as based on the data presented?  
  
The task 1 essay also requires 4 paragraphs of at least 150 words to be considered fully developed and complete in presentation. Even though you wrote 198 words, you did not really analyze the essay and present the information in a manner that would have helped to increase your scoring considerations in the TA, C&C, and GRA sections. I will avoid scoring your essay for now because I know that you can do better than this and I hope to see marked improvement in your presentation in the next task 1 practice essay.
*Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should leern a foreign language.  
  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion*.  
  
## Foreign language knowledge and opportunities

  
  
Many people believe that the appropriate time for them to acquire a new language is when they happen to visit a country or start to work there. However, I myself believe that there are far more reasons for a person to learn such thing as a new language.  
  
On the one hand, it is true to argue that the most common reason for people to learn foreign languages are job opportunities. As can be seen clearly, bilinguals often have advantages applying for vacancies in both local and international corporations as the local ones need their strengths to collaborate with the global ones and vice versa. It is also reasonable to learn the local language before visiting the country. It is common knowledge that some languages look similar, but the wrong use of words may result in bad consequences. This way, getting to know the local languages allows tourists to overcome the language barriers and communicate with the local people without any difficulties and confusions.  
  
On the other hand, I believe that there are some other reasons rather than job opportunities and travel experiences that need to be taken into consideration. Firstly, there are still language aficionados who learn languages due to their passions and interests. For example, a French aficionado who is particularly into France and eagers to discover every aspect of this country can learn more than just words while acquiring French as the language itself covers the country's culture. Secondly, some language learners consider learning such things as foreign languages help exercise their brains the same way as other brain training exercises do, and hence, make them smarter as the learning processes go on.  
  
In conclusion, although the views of considering acquiring foreign languages a way of building one's careers seem to true to some people, I believe that there are still other more significant reasons for others to do so.  
  
By the way, I am going to sit an IELTS exam this August, and I would appreciate if you can point out my strengths and weaknesses so that I can improve the next time I write. Also, I would like my writing to be scored as an IELTS writing paper if possible.  
  
Kind regards!
@hyperephania  
  
I believe that this is how your body paragraph should be:  
  
1. learning a language for work  
2. Other reasons why people learn a different language  
3. Your opinion  
  
Since the prompt is 'discuss both views' this should be seen in your body paragraphs.  
  
I think you need to improve your introduction and conclusion as well. Sentences that will capture the reader's interest.  
  
Hope this helps!  
Good luck 👍🏼
@ismigyul  
Greetings from Vietnam. Thanks for your comment. Good luck with your exam.  
  
@natashaebab  
Although I do think I write right some of the sentences you mentioned, thank you so much anyway.  
Best regards!  
  
@jalp  
Thanks for your comment, but I think the body should include two paragraphs as "discuss both views" does not mean that I should add my own opinion.
@hyperephania you are writing too many words. You have a total of 315 words which tells me that you focused more on just writing for the sake of proving your vocabulary skills rather than focusing on the more important coherence and cohesiveness of your paragraphs. Having read your complete essay, I saw that you created several run-on sentences of different ideas that mix together in one sentence. This creates undue stress for the reader as it becomes difficult to follow the train of thought in your paragraph presentation.  
  
It is always best to write between 250-300 words, with 250 (the minimum) being the ideal number as this allows you ample time and opportunity to write, revise, and edit your work prior to submission for scoring. Sure, you wrote a lot of words, but you sacrificed the clarity and content of your presentation for the LR score. What good is scoring well in one section when your essay will suffer point deductions in the remaining areas for consideration? Writing more words will never guarantee you a passing score in the Task 2 or Task 1 essay.  
  
By the way, the instruction for this essay requires you to discuss both points of view using public opinion first and then offer a discussion of your personal opinion. That is why your assumption that you should not discuss your personal opinion is incorrect. The instructions require you to discuss your personal opinion AFTER you discuss the two points of view, based on public opinion and using a comparison presentation. The final decision as to which of the two points of view is correct will be based on your supporting statement located within your opinion paragraph.  
  
Here is my take on what your possible scores might be:  
  
TA - 6 - you were not really accurate in covering the total discussion  
C&C - 5 - you don't really develop all of the discussions you present in each paragraph  
LR - 6 - adequate vocabulary although the usage of the words are not always accurate  
GRA - 5 - run-on sentences are predominant in your paragraphs.