dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
You should try to change the words used in your prompt restatement from the original. If the original says "medical care", then you should say "healthcare advancement" or any word or set of words that indicate the meaning of the original word or words used. Always provide the minimum 3 sentence word count for the restatement sections, those are the introduction and concluding summary. Aim to write at least 275 words so that you can really show off your writing abilities and English word knowledge. You are shortchanging yourself by writing only the minimum word count. If you aim only for the minimum word count, then you are aiming only for a minimal score on your essay. I am sure you don't want that right? Try your best to write at least 275 words, or up to 290 words for a better scoring chance.  
  
This is actually a disproving discussion essay. Let me explain what disproving means before I proceed with my explanation of how to approach this type of essay next time.  
  
Disproving - to prove (an assertion, claim, etc.) to be false or wrong; refute; invalidate:  
  
So the format for each reasoning paragraph should be:  
- Advantage claim  
- Explanation of advantage claim  
- Reason why you believe this is a disadvantage  
- Example to prove your claim  
- Supporting explanation for the example  
  
Do that twice in the essay to represent 2 disproved advantage claims. That is the most effective format to use when writing an A/D essay.  
  
Your conclusion is not effective as it is neither a conclusion summary nor a continued discussion of the topic. You should focus on learning how to develop a reverse paraphrase in this instance that allows you summarize all of the discussion points you previously presented in the essay.
**Hi guys, I'm working on IELTS writing for the test next year. I hope you can give me your thoughts on this. Much appreciated!**  
  
***Some people think that sport is very important for society. Others, however, it is nothing more than a leisure activity.**  
## Discuss both views and give your opinion

.*  
  
When it comes to sport, some people advocate that it does wonders for society while others argue that sport only plays a recreational part. Subjectively, I am far in agreement with the former statement. In this essay, I am going to give my opinion on both views and give reasons why I agree that sport offers more things than being just a leisure activity.  
  
It is undeniable that sport has entertainment value. There is always a wide range of people around the world who develop high interest in sport since playing or following it helps satisfy their passion and demand to release stress or simply to lift up their mood. Thus, this contributes to greater mental health and satisfaction.  
  
However, I believe that sport is something more than just the above-mentioned benefit. There are three key upsides that sport brings people. Firstly, taking up sport benefits the community's fitness level. For instance, playing basketball may increase people's height and flexibility or engaging in chess enhances their logical thinking. Consequently, this leads to a healthier and more sustainable life. Secondly, because a bunch of sport lovers are willing to support their idols and companies are ready to pay millions of dollars for a deal, sport can even turn into a career. Those who work in the sport industry not only make a living with fairly high income but also are able to bring the public recreation and motivation to participate in sport activities. Messi, for example, who is a worldwide known soccer player, earns enough money to live the entire life comfortably after a season and strongly passes on the inspiration for boys who want to pursue a soccer path. Finally, as playing sports means exposure to various situations, people are able to develop and sharpen certain skills. Chief among them is cooperation skill which trains people how to collaborate more effectively and produce higher results. This results in big pluses added to a curriculum vitae for a brighter future and more easy life.  
  
In conclusion, regardless of the fact that there are two opposing views about sport, one supposing that sport is nothing more than an entertaining tool and one claiming that sport does bring value to society, I far agree with the later idea for reasons presented above.
Hi! Here are some suggestions I have for you:  
  
- It is very clear that paragraph 3 is way longer than paragraph 2. When the question is "Discuss both views", you should make them equivalent in length.  
  
- I think that you should only give your opinion in the conclusion, although I am not entirely sure about this point.  
  
- "However, I believe that sport is something ..." This opening statement of paragraph 3 should refer to "benefits to society" --> relink to the question.  
  
- Please avoid using informal languages, such as "a bunch of sport lovers".  
  
- "In conclusion, regardless of the fact that ..." --> This is a very long sentence, break it down!
Actually, your essay is running way too long for a task 2 essay. You wrote 379 words for an essay that should only have 275-290 words or 20-25 sentences in total. You cannot write this many words during the actual test with only 40 minutes to present a perfected essay. You should be focused on the content and its clarity, rather than the word count. Equal sentences per paragraph is non-existent. As long as you write 3-5 sentences per paragraph, you are all set. Don't worry about paragraph length equivalence. That is not scored. So it does not make sense to focus on presenting an equivalent paragraph in a visual sense.  
  
You misunderstood the discussion requirement for the essay. You are not being asked to discuss your opinion based on both views. Rather, you are required to explain both points of view, from a public standpoint, and then offer your personal opinion after comparing both presentations. Why should you do it from a public point of view stance first? The essay uses the keywords "Some people" and "Others", meaning other people. Therefore, the "Discuss both views" aspect of the discussion requires you to explain why both sectors believe each side of the discussion. Then you offer a personal opinion based upon the side of the topic that you support. If you want to be able to fully utilize the sentences per paragraph when you do not know too much about the topic, use the public point of view explanation. It is easier to explain the point of view of other people in that case.  
  
Do not start your concluding summary with "In conclusion" as that is a super memorized and overused phrase. Be more creative. You could instead say "Looking back on this topic..." You also have to find a way to restate the discussion topic, both points of view, and your personal opinion in an interesting manner. You presented this paragraph in a run-on manner, you should be using individualized sentences for the presentation. It helps with the clarity and coherence of the paragraph.
## Oil dependency

  
  
Hi,  
  
I am currently practicing writing IELTS TASK 2, and please help me to improve my essay below.  
your feedback is appreciated :)  
  
**The world is heavily dependent on oil for energy, which is unsustainable due to global warming. What future resource do you think will take oil's place? Why do you think this?**  
  
Most would agree that oil will not remain the world's main energy source indefinitely. With major breakthoughs in humanity's ability to harvest power from the sun, I believe that solar power will one day become a healthier and cheaper alternative to petrol. This will be shown viable by looking at the positive impact of solar energy on the environment and how its price has decreased.  
  
Firstly, solar energy is environmentally friendly. Since solar panels convert energy from sunlight into electricity, solar farms do not produce air pollution, water pollution or greenhouse gases. This is a significant advantage compared with oil and coal because fossil fuel combustion for electricity generation produces a huge amount of global warming emissions such as carbon dioxide. Using solar wafers to harvest the sun's energy could eliminate global warming as it leads to a decrease in the demand for thermal energy, therefore curtails carbon emission released. Such benefit to the environment illustrates why solar energy is fit to take over oil as the world's top energy source.  
  
Secondly, as solar technology develops it is becoming a much cheaper energy source. Several developments in solar cell structure have dramatically boosted their efficiency, meaning that they are capable of producing much more electricity from the sun. This results in the falling price of solar energy, while the price of oil energy is estimated to keep rising because current oil fields are becoming exhausted. As people are driven by price, it is clear how solar energy will take the place of oil as humanity's next major energy resource.  
  
In conclusion, despite the fact that humanity is still reliant on oil for energy, this dependent will not last long because of global warming. In my opinion, the solar power's positive effect on the environment and its falling price make it a great alternative to oil in the foreseeable future.
Your essay has too many words. You should practice being direct to the point and not being over analytical in your discussion for an opinion essay. You should save the analysis for the task 1 essay presentation. In this instance, be direct to the point in the quickest way possible. While your presentation may be grammatically correct, you did produce more problems on the spelling, coherence, and clarity side. This stemmed from your over writing in the essay. If you had written the advised 250-290 words, you would have written the right amount of words, and avoided the pitfalls of long essays, which is the forced errors in other scoring sections. These errors remain unchecked because you tend to write too close to the 40 minute deadline, leaving you with little or no time to check your draft before submission.  
  
Errors include:  
  
Spelling:  
breakthoughs = breakthroughs  
  
Clarity ( better word choices help with clarity)  
This will be shown viable by - This will be shown WORKABLE by  
... energy could eliminate global warming... - ... could CUT global...  
  
Conciseness ( for clarity issues)  
... are capable of producing - ... can produce  
In my opinion, the solar... - The solar power's  
~~the~~ solar power's - solar power  
  
Overused Expression:  
foreseeable future - near future  
  
Your opening paraphrase is also incorrect. Your first sentence should be a proper restatement of the original topic, based on the same reasons provided in the original. It could have been:  
  
*Fossil fuel is not a finite source of power. Use of these non-renewable energy channel also has a direct effect on our environment via greenhouse effects. I believe that a viable alternative would be solar energy...*  
  
You did a better job on your concluding summary except, you forgot to include a restatement of the reasons why you chose solar power as a proper alternative energy source. By the way, since you are not showing ownership of solar power, you do not need to use an apostrophe S at the end of that word. You misused the punctuation mark in this instance
## Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while other point the mentality

  
  
Whether physical or mental condition a more crucial factor contributing to the success of a sports player is a heated topic for numerous people at any time. This essay will be discussed which aspect has more advantages in terms of supporting the players the most.  
  
Physical strength might be considered to be one of the must-have requirements for an athlete. Though, it should not be the only thing that decides one can be successful in today's world. The undeniable fact is that if one has more muscles or endurable will win in the game acquires a temporary encounter. In addition, when a candidate faces someone who has a more advantaged body, will be downhearted.  
  
A mental state somehow takes place in deciding how delegate performs on the match. Not in just sports field does the heavy mind affect the winning of a player. If one set their's minds and train hard with the ambition of trouncing their competitor, they are more likely to obtain their desire. With a stable mind, they are more persistent, patient, and prudent compared to the only-muscles ones. Since physical strength can totally be practiced, there is no doubt that with a good mental condition, one can not achieve their body goals. Moreover, mental health impacts the physical one due to its control of emotion and thinking. Having an unstable mind can act as a deterrent when it comes to long term competing.  
  
All things considered, I am in a disposition to the importance of mental strength when it comes to competing because its benefits outnumber the physical's ones.
Okay, so this is a compare and contrast essay with a personal opinion paragraph. Your prompt paraphrase is inaccurate and your essay is missing a concluding paragraph. You also failed to properly develop the explanation of your personal opinion in the presentation. So all of these errors will instantly add up to a failing score for your presentation.  
  
Next, You mistakenly used a general discussion for the two public points of view in this presentation. The public point of view should use gender neutral pronouns for the presentation. Some gender neutral pronouns are they and their. This is also used a collective group pronouns in this discussion. The neutral / group pronouns are important to the presentation because your GRA score considers your ability to properly address points of view from several perspectives, using the correct pronoun each time. So for the public reasoning paragraphs, use the gender neutral pronouns and for the personal point of view, it will be first person pronoun representation in your writing. Make the gender free reference a part of the topic sentence of each public point of view discussion so that the general discussion aspect will be negated in the presentation, leaving only the proper point of view reference in the paragraph. You will get a better GRA score that way.  
  
For TA scoring considerations, always present a proper paraphrase composed of:  
- The topic  
- First public point of view  
- Second public point of view  
- Discussion instruction  
  
For the concluding paraphrase, you should be presenting:  
- The topic  
- First public point of view supporting statement.  
- Second public point of view supporting statement  
- Personal point of view restatement  
- Closing sentence  
  
An effective personal point of view discussion would include:  
- The public point of view you support  
- Your personal reason for supporting it  
- An example to illustrate your support  
- Additional supporting explanation(s)  
  
I hope that you can do another essay that uses the Public and Personal point of view presentation for the discussion format. I would like to see how far more effective your discussion will be once you use the appropriate presentation and also, present a more appropriate prompt paraphrase and concluding summary.
***Teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in free time to help the community.***  
## Agree or disagree

  
  
It is suggested that adolescents should work in their spare time to benefit society. However, I strongly disagree with this view and regard this idea as counterproductive.  
  
There are many reasons why work should not be made compulsory for teenagers. Firstly, the pressure from schools is heavy enough for students to bear. Students are often required to attend classes, do homework, or revise before exams, making going to school a demanding and time-consuming activity. Therefore, there is a high possibility that students will easily fall behind with their studies if they are given a full-time job. Secondly, it is morally wrong and unfair to force people, regardless of age, doing something against their will. Unless people work on a volunteer basis, workers may experience the feeling of resentment, which results in low productivity and bad performance.  
  
Furthermore, I also believe that young people should be given chances to explore themselves first before joining the workforce. Parents and educators should encourage young people to use free time effectively by enjoying their hobbies, such as visiting places or doing sports. These leisure activities are not only attractive to young people but also equip them with valuable life skills and experiences and may help them define their career path later on. This is beneficial for both the individual and community as they are likely to become a passionate worker in the future. Teenage years should be enjoyable because the youth have many years of working ahead of them.  
  
In conclusion, although some work can be done in teenager's free time, it is more pragmatic to let young people decide what they want to do during their free time.  
  
I really need help with my IELTS writing. I would be very thankful if anyone could give me feedback on my writing
For starters, the opening paraphrase and the concluding summary are incomplete presentations. These need to be in the 3-5 sentence format. It has to accurately represent the discussion topics, the reasons, and the discussion instruction. In this case, you are missing out on the proper formatting of the respective paragraphs. Remember, the opening and closing paragraphs are both restatements of the original discussion, just done in 2 different ways to show that you are capable of restating the discussion in various ways, without losing the center of the discussion.  
  
While you gave a good reason and response in the opening paraphrase, you do not need to use an "extent" representation for the discussion. It is a mere agree or disagree essay. Use the correct format for your response because there are required response formats for each type of discussion instruction. Learn the difference and make sure to respond to the discussion instructions accordingly.  
  
You will be able to score better in the reasoning paragraphs, deliver clearly developed explanations, and also assure yourself of a coherent and cohesive discussion, if you can manage to stick to one discussion topic per paragraph. In the reasoning paragraphs that you developed, your first line of reason is always well presented. It meets the requirements for a clearly developed paragraph discussion. The second line, usually comes across as little to no development presented aside from the discussion topic. If you cannot fully connect the two reasons using connecting sentences or phrases, you should not introduce a second topic. It will not connect with the first topic. No, numerical ordinals do not count as a connecting anything. Counting out your reasons do not add clarity of explanations to the presentation.  
  
The second reasoning paragraph feels like a prompt deviation. You are presenting an opinion that represents what you think children should do with their spare time. You are not to discuss anything that is not included in the discussion instruction. Since your opinion is not required, only a general discussion should be presented. One that does not include a personal topic that is connected to the discussion, but is an unnecessary discussion as it is not relevant to the provided discussion instructions.
@Holt  
Your comments are meaningful to me. Yet I have several questions, hope you don't mind ^^.  
1. The opening paraphrase and the concluding summary are too long with 3-5 sentences, aren't they? I have no idea what to write in the conclusion with 3-5 sentences.  
  
2. Could you suggest me any way to connect my first and second line of reasoning, I always find it difficult.  
3. Could you give me a rough bandscore of this essay? I need to know where I am right now to improve further.  
Again, thanks so much for your feedback
## Some feel International tourism this is a positive trend, what are your opinions on this?

  
  
In recent years, oversea traveling has become significantly popular and brought about both advantages and disadvantages to the community. In my opinion, it is international tourism that benefits the local community economically and socially.  
  
From an economic perspective, a tourist from another nation is considerably vital to the host country. Firstly, foreign travelers spend their money on food, souvenirs or services in the place which they are visiting. This gives the locals an attractive source of income as foreign tourists are often generous and willing to pay. Secondly, local restaurants or theme parks will need to employ more staff if there is a growing demand for their products and services. This offers many job opportunities for the residents, providing them with a decent job and a fixed income, in turn increasing their quality of life.  
  
From a social perspective, a region that is developed for the purpose of boosting international tourism is worth settling in. First of all, it is likely that a profitable tourist attraction attracts many investors and businesses. This results in a greater demand for housing, creating a prosperous future for the local construction industry. Furthermore, there might be more services and amenities, such as restaurants, supermarkets or cinemas to be provided if there is a growing population, making the life of local inhabitants much more convenient and comfortable. This has a powerful impact on every aspect of life, especially in rural areas, where are lacking the state budget to develop.  
  
In conclusion, although there could be some problems with international tourism, I strongly believe that the positive side of oversea traveling, if managed well, outweigh the negative.  
  
Hope you guys can help me with my writing, many thanks!
Hi! Hope you're having an amazing day.  
I find you essay pretty coherent and comprehensible though I'm extremely new to this Ielts environment :) I deeply admire you, to be honest!  
  
However, in my opinion, there're certain changes you can make to make it more interesting(?):  
  
1.**From an economic perspective** ->*As far as economy is concerned*  
2.**This gives the locals an attractive ...** -> *Therefore, an attractive source of income can be given*  
3.**This offers many job opportunities ...** -> *Subsequently, many job opportunities for the residents, which provide them with a decent job and a fixed income to increase their quality of life, can be offered.*  
  
Since, you used "First of all", I am not sure you can use " Furthermore" for the next point. So that I'd recommend you use "Initially" or just change into:  
  
1.**First of all, it is ...** -> *Undeniably, a profitable tourist attraction attracting many investors and businesses results in a greater demand for housing, which in turn create a prosperous future for the local construction industry.*  
  
2.**This also has a powerful impact ...**