dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The prompt: **The charts below show the results of a survey about what men and women say makes them most happy. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
## What makes people happy?

  
  
The two different pie charts illustrate the percentage of factors which have an influence on women and men happiness. Overall, it is clear that while the factor that makes the former happy is being with family, achievement at work is the main factor affecting the latter joy.  
  
With regard to women, being with family makes up the bulk of the pie chart, accounting for the largest proportion, approximately 37%. Financial security allocates to a slightly larger amount than good appearance 12% and 11%, respectively, with 25% being comprised achievement at work. By contrast, other factors occupy an average share, in the region of 15%.  
  
This is contrast sharply with man gladness, where achievement at work amount constitutes the highest proportion, indicating the virtually identical level with women, nearly 25%. Likewise, there is the difference in other elements. While supporting a successful sports team represent a marginally taller share than doing hobbies, 18% and 17%, in turn, financial security and other factors both account for more than they did at women happiness, 15% and 24% respectively.  
  
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To, the statement about the happiness factor that is exclusive to only men should be discussed as a separate statement. Remember only single or related topics can be discussed in the same paragraph. That difference represents the discussion of a main feature in the essay. It should have been fully discussed as a difference in the reasons or method by which men judge happiness differently from women. Please do not be careless in your writing. Once again you failed in the sentence format requirement. Do not ask me to explain or point it out to you. Learn to analyze and proofread your essay after you write it, prior to submission. These are format errors that are really easily avoided if you remain conscious of the format requirements and make sure to implement it properly. Your site for this essay will not be higher than a 4.
***Hi Maitou**, there were a few improvements you needed.  
First, make sure that you write is in your mind. I think there is the sentence inappropriately. You don't write "which have an influence", but it's better if you wrote "influencing female and male happiness". Following that, you should write at least three sentences in each paragraph to meet the requirement. Actually, you can add a sentence for your overview so that it consists of two sentences.  
  
Turning to your first body paragraph, based on my assessment, you could not get the high score because you missed one of essential prompts. You are supposed to compare figures because there were three factors similar between men and women. It made your explanation less fascinating. Well, you exactly compared the data, but that happened in the second paragraph. You unsuccessfully review the figures entirely since you really focused on the female events.  
  
To understand the seanse of writing task 1, I suggest you to read more example. Hopefully, those my suggestions can help you for improving your skill.  
  
GOOD LUCK*
## Asking teacher for some good words

  
  
Dear Dr. Smith,  
I am writing this letter with regards to a reference letter I need for a job application.  
After graduating from Houston University, I applied to a few positions in the area of airline planning. Lately, United Airways responded with an invitation for an interview for a role in network planning. The position is located in Chicago, and it is a junior level which does not require previous job experience.  
  
The opportunity in United Airways is appealing since airline always ranks in the top 10 of best airlines around the world. Also, employees who start working for the company go through extensive training which costs thousands of dollars if taken outside personally.  
  
The reference letter has to be in a particular format which I have enclosed to this letter. I also would like you to put some extra information about which classes I took from you and the grades I achieved. That additional information will be very helpful, as I achieved A from all of them.  
  
I appreciate your help on this matter.  
Yours faithfully,
Tanner, this essay can score a 5 in an actual setting. That is because it mechanically addressed the prompt requirements. It is mechanical because you merely provided all of the necessary information as indicated in the instructions. You failed to properly develop the letter in order to make to make it more interesting and useful for your purpose.  
  
You should have started off the letter by refreshing the memory of your professor about who you are. Remember that a period of time has already passed and this professor has hundreds of students in his classes per semester, so it would have been imperative to reintroduce yourself and assume that he will remember you immediately. Give your full name, the name of the course you took, what semester, time, and classroom that you attend his classes. This will help him to pull out the correct student record and allow him to better recall who you are as his student.  
  
When you discussed the opportunity to work for United Airways, aside from the general reasons for wanting to work there, you should have included a personal reason, such as a career goal, that could have encouraged him to support the writing of a positive recommendation letter for you.  
  
The points above are the main reasons that your essay did not score as highly as it could have. Had you tried to write a more personal, rather than mechanical letter, I do not doubt that you could have scored at least a 6 with this essay.
***Hi Tanner**, Welcome to Essay Forum. Hopefully, you can harness this as well as possible for improving your essay.  
Actually, this letter is enough good, but it has still needed improvement. Firstly, please you introduce yourself briefly to remind your teacher or make him sure that you are someone which he minded. You need to arrange your explanation systematically so that you can create a good flow. When you mentioned that you are gonna apply for a job, you are supposed to explain why you wanna choice that. Don't present its reasons in the separate paragraph for keeping the flow. Furthermore, you have required more strong statement why you wanna become an employee there.  
  
Following that, you make sure that what you write is what you mind. There were a few of messy sentences which you should rewrite to keep coherence and cohesion. In addition, to a high score, you are used to delivering proper linking words to make this flow smoother.  
  
I really hope those can help you for finalizing your letter.*
@tanner  
Hi! I am learning IELTS and i really like to practise just like you . This kind of essay is really strange because i have not heard about this in ielts in fact i just know about pie chart or line chart or something relevant to chart. But I will give you some advise such as when you are writing ielts you should use accademic words. You are lack of this so it will make your essay become bad score. secondly use some adv that makes your essay become smoothly. For example respectively, marginally, in th region of , that will score your essay.  
  
Secondly, your essay is leean because it lacks idea. You can not just answer or the question without more information about that question. for example, you should say about this question why you want it, you should try to explan the mininum sentence your interest 1 sentence , society because it can make you earn so many money, your parent
The prompt say: **The pie charts below show average household expenditure in Hong Kong and Britain in the year 2000**  
  
## domestic spending in Hong Kong and Britain

  
  
The two different charts give the breakdown of the percentage of domestic spending in Hong Kong and Britain in 2000. Overall, it is clear that while the main expenditure of the former was other goods, the main disbursement of the latter was housing. This was the similar trend that clothing was the smallest cost in Britain and Hong Kong.  
  
With regard to household disbursement in Britain in 2000, other goods were the highest proportion, more than twice the housing amount, 36% and 18% respectively. Spending on food constituted a little larger than transport fees, approximately 22% of the former, with 17% being made up the latter. By contrast, clothing consisted of the smallest proportion of expenditure, in the region of 7%.  
  
This contrast sharply with the expenditure for Hong Kong in the same year, where the housing amount made up the bulk of expenditure, accounting for the largest proportion of spending, approximately 32%.While food and transport costs comprised more than they did in Britain, 27% and 9%, in turn, other goods were less than it did in Britain nearly 8 %, with being occupied 28%. In comparison, clothing still was the lowest expenditure, devoting to 4%.  
  
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To, while you have shown improvement in the way that you wrote this essay in particular, it is important to note that the paragraph development is still problematic. Bear in mind that you are expected to write a minimum of 3 sentences per paragraph in order to prove that you actually understood what you read and that you are capable of writing complex sentences. So, while you did well in the development of the sentences in terms of sentence count in the first two paragraphs, the concluding statement was not properly formatted to accommodate the required number of sentences.  
  
The opening statement has problems in the sense that it does not properly represent the discussion outline to follow in the essay. Please try to remember that the opening statement is an overview of the topic for discussion and should never contain actual information that can be used to fulfill the body paragraph discussions.  
  
Due to these problems in the essay, my opinion is that you cannot score higher than a 6.
You counted sentences only for the first two paragraphs. Review the third paragraph and you will see that you used come in place of periods. Therefore, you wrote only one extremely long and exhausting to read sentence. You need to be consistent with your work in order to continue improving your possible score. You are careless and did not proof read the essay before you submitted it. That is why you did not catch the obvious mistake in your work. Proof reading your essay is just as important as writing a strong presentation for the essay. You failed to do that in this instance. If you do not practice due diligence in writing your essay, you will constantly fail based upon technicalities and improper presentations. That is something I can't teach you.
**Some parents forbid young children from owning smart phones (cell phones with Internet access), while others disagree and believe that they are important tools for keeping in touch. Which point of view do you think is better, and why?**  
  
## cell phones with internet access have bad effects on children

  
  
Children are considered to be the ones whom parent look after more. Because of that, some permit them to use technology tools such as mobile phones, while others do not. In my opinion, I beleive that parent must forbid their children from using smart phones. I feel this way for two main reasons which I will elaborate in the next paragraphs.  
  
First of all, allowing kids to use internet connected phones make them failing.  
The young children who use the internet a lot, such as social media and and watching videos, distracts them from studying. For instance, I have a young cousin who has the access the web, keep on chatting and visiting games websites all the time. He forgets about solving his homeworks and leaves them away. In addition he alaways gives unjustifed excuses to his teacher all the time. Consequently at the end of the trimester, a failing grade is the outcome.So internet access really harms the acadamic success for the youngs.  
  
Secondly, letting children have a smartphone might have a misrable outcomes. That is, free access leading them to talk with strange people who could hurt them. Children could be deceived in one way or another, that put them in a critical situation such being a hostage. I myself have my friend's brother, who went through a similar situation. despite the fact that his parent pretend to track his internet activity, it was not enough. The child had a connection with a person who seems to be a good one, but he was hiding a bad to trade him. As a result, the person succeeded in his plan by telling him to meet up outside, and having him as a hostage. Hence, his parents paid a huge amount of money to take him back. for this reason, i strongly urge parents to prevent their kids from using the smartphones.  
  
All in all, I think that the right thing to do is to stop children from using smartphones.this is because of the fact that cell phone with internet access has more bad effects on the cildren's life.
Abdullah, your opening statement is lacking in the sense that you should include a presentation of the 3 general reasons that you believe this opinion of yours to be the correct point of view for the issue being discussed. When you write this opening statement, it must not only contain a restated prompt, but clearly include your opinion, supported by the general reasons that support it. The discussions of the reasons should follow, in chronological order, within the next body of paragraphs. These would be paragraphs 2,3, and 4 with paragraph 5 being your concluding statement. In order to make your closing statement more effective, you should restate the topic being discussed, your opinion, and the general reasons that support your belief yet again. It serves as a reminder of the whole point of the essay for the reader.  
  
Your essay is also riddled with wrong spelling either because you do not know how to spell the word (in which case you should replace the word with a similar term that you know how to spell) or because you were just careless. Either way, the misspelled words result in point deductions, along with your improper sentence developments that tend to confuse the reader. Based upon these criteria, I think that your essay will only gain a score of 3 at the most.
A proper academic essay is composed of 5 parts. That description for these paragraphs are the introduction, 3 body of paragraphs, and the conclusion. It is a must to have 3 body of paragraphs because the whole discussion point of the essay, the actual prompt requirement instruction, is developed and discussed within the body of the paragraph. Not within the introduction or the conclusion. If you want to score well in the essay, you need to develop your body of paragraph. This will prove your English comprehension skills along with your English grammar / sentence structure capabilities. The more you write, provided it is easily understood in English, in support of your essay, the better the score could be. That is why exam takers are encouraged to write a maximum of 5 sentences per paragraph, within a 5 paragraph essay.  
  
FYI, this is your second and last free advice for this thread.
## clothes don`t affect human

  
  
Nowadays, people usually face a problem in choosing what to wear. There are people who are sure that clothes have an impact on how people behave. There are also those who are convinced that it doesn`t control anything and persons behave like they want. As far as I am concerned, clothes don`t affect human.  
  
Firstly, because behavior depends on your character, not on clothes you wear. For example, if person is shy, then he/she doesn`t attract a lot of attention from others, because he/she wants so. Moreover, if someone wants to cry, he does it. It is no matter for him what clothes he`s wearing at the moment. Secondly, people`s behavior is usually the result of parents` upbringing. To illustrate, it is generally agreed, that person behaves according to the manners which his mother and father inculcated him.  
  
However, another opinion is that human beings conduct the way the clothes they`re wearing influence on them. As for proof, the color and the style of a thing you wear sometimes make you look and behave in different ways. As an example, if woman wear something red, she is more self-confident and finds herself very hot and sexy.  
  
Nevertheless, I strongly disagree with the second statement, because, in my opinion, people always select clothes pursuant to their mood, personal preferences and they affect on clothes more, than clothes on them.  
  
To sum up, I should say that it never makes sense if people behave according to their clothes. They always do what they want to do instead of all the things they have.
Alina, the next time you post an essay for review, kindly include the original prompt so that I can compare your essay against the expected discussion. It is hard to judge your prompt adherence without it. That said, I will proceed to offer you a general review of your essay.  
  
It would be in your best interest to not include a personal opinion in the opening statement of the essay. That is because when you present your opinion (as required by the essay), it must be placed either before or after the supporting public opinion you presented. That way, you can fully develop your response in the 3-5 sentence manner that is normally required of an essay. It also removes the possibility of redundancy as you did in this essay when you presented your opinion twice in separate paragraphs. Both of which were not amply developed to support the discussion.  
  
When you address a generalized gender in English, the default gender reference is always he or him. That is because American English is based on a masculine sex of the country which is represented by "Uncle Sam", a man. You cannot use the slash mark to indicate 2 genders as that confuses the discussion. Just pick a gender and stick to it.  
  
I can't review your essay beyond these general comments because I am not sure about the other prompt requirements. If you can provide additional information about the discussion, I might be able to add some other advice to this already existing information for your referral.
I am very sad that you wasted your second and final free advice by simply trying to teach me how a Russian essay is written. Along with it, you should have included the original prompt requirement as well so that I could have at least used your essay format instruction to create a more authoritative analysis of the essay that you wrote. Now, I cannot do anything for you anymore. If you include the prompt requirement at this point, I will no longer be able to advice you about how to improve your weak points. The only way I can do that, if you decide to provide the prompt, is if you turn this essay into an "Urgent" thread, where I can continue discussing the points for improvement based upon the prompt you might be willing to provide.
@Holt, I am sorry. I wasn`t going to teach you. I just wanted to provide you this structure to give you better understanding of RNE essay, I thought it would help you to analyze my work(because I understand, that it is different from other countries` essays). Moreover, I really appreciate everything you have written to me, you`re almost right! I got it.  
  
Prompt requirement: comment on the following statement: The clothes people wear influence their behavior. What is your opinion? Do you agree with this statement?(after that where is plan of essay in my book)
## [TOEFL] Agree or disagree? Educating children is a more difficult task today than it was in the past

  
  
Thank for the advanced technology, people staying today have more convenience life than people who lived before the Internet revolution. People are endowed to buy lots of devices and machines, so they are able to do more things in limited time. However, some people believe that advanced technology still disturbs and has a negative effect on the users. In my opinion, I agree that it is more difficult to educate children today.  
  
To begin with, children will be distracted by latest smartphone and game machine, so they can not concentrate on the study and doing homework. Sometimes it is too difficult for some students to manage their time, so they would break the balance between playing and studying. I have seen many cases of playing too many online games, so they have to crumble the whole test materials in the last week. This is really ineffective and it is not good for learning because there is no enough time to absorb the intelligence.  
  
Secondly, the another reason to support my opinion is children might waste much time on watching the advertisement. There is no doubt that people can see the various advertisement on television and website in force, if the program truly goes for 50 minutes, the audience would actually spend 60 minutes watching all of them because the merchants insert the advertisement.  
  
Last but not least, people and students spend huge time on receiving the advertisement on the screen, they are not only wasting time but also unable to pay attention to the class. People have their own smartphones, so students can browse the website wherever they stay, including the classroom. Therefore, many students play cell phones in the class, they are losing their chance to learn new knowledge and losing their chance to interact with teachers. Furthermore, I think looking down to smartphones is impolite to the speakers.  
  
To sum up, I agree that educating students is more difficult today because those attracting devices and software make students can not concentrate on class, it is not only waste teachers' time but also students' time. Maybe it would be a critical issue for people to start solving this problem in the future.
Eric, the only score that your essay can get is a 3 due to the grammar problems that exist in your essay. To begin with, your opening statement inaccurately paraphrases the prompt for discussion. While the last sentence in your opening statement directly relates to the prompt, the preceding sentences do not establish the correct discussion topic nor format for discussion. That is the biggest problem that lowered the score for this essay. Then, you have inconsistent sentence development in the paragraphs and the mistakes in English vocabulary usage (i.e.crumble instead of cram) which made it very difficult for the reader to assess what you are trying to say in the sentence. There is a definite lack of clarity in the message the paragraph tries to deliver. Finally, these problems all combined to limit your ability to write even the simplest English sentence that would help to properly explain the meaning of your essay. Hence the possible maximum overall score of 3.