dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
You should definitely work on your content. The main reason being, you did not discuss the factors are indicated in the prompt requirement. Your thesis statement is faulty and unrelated to the original discussion. For comparison purposes:  
  
Topic: Society should make efforts to save endangered species only if the potential extinction of those species is the result of human activities.  
Your Topic: Government is trying to apply certain types of policy ...intervention or natural cause.  
  
You did not properly restate the prompt, establish the discussion reasons, and state what the suggested animal preservation policy is, along with your opinion as required by the discussion:  
  
*Efforts to save low animal species facing extinction have been proposed for several decades now. One of the newest policies to be proposed is to prepare preservation plans for the fauna only if it can be proved that the low species rate is being caused by the actions of people. I find that this proposal to be moot because it has already been proven that the actions of man have a direct hand in the eradication of various animalia .*  
  
After clearly restating the discussion points and indicating your position, you can begin to present your reasoning discussion points. The point of the essay is to prove that the potential policy is faulty due to several underlying circumstances. You have not proven that point, nor have you rebutted any potential opposition to your point of view, as required by the discussion. The essay does not focus on the policy but rather the reasons for animal extinction, which was not the point of the essay. The discussion wanted you to prove or disprove the soundness of the policy based on the validity of the claim it is making. You failed to do that in this essay.  
  
You have to make sure that you clearly understand what the discussion points, reason for discussion, and discussion expectations are so that you can clearly present an analytical point of view in your presentation.
## the number of marriages and divorces in the UK

  
  
The line chart illustrates the figure for marriages and divorces in the UK over a period of 25 years, from 1975 to 2000. Overall, the number of total marriages experienced a gradual increase whereas the number of 1st marriages decreased and the figure for divorces rose.  
  
In 1975, there were about 500 thousands of marriages and continued to increase dramatically in the next 10 years, reached a peak of over 600 thousands of marriages in 1985. Despite a gradual decrease in 1995, the figure rose again at the end of the period, about 570000. By contrast, the numbers of first marriages rose from 330000 marriages to over 400000 from 1975 to 1985 before falling rapidly to just over 300000 in 2000.  
  
It can be easily to be seen that the figure for 2nd marriages was only about 180000 in 1975, it then increased steadily to 250000 by the end of the period. Despite being just about 80000 divorces in 1975, the number experienced an exponential increase to reached a peak of 250000 by 2000, at times overtaking the figures for second marriages.  
  
*
There are certain grammar situations wherein the singular form of a word is the same as the plural. Thousand is one of these types of words. When it comes to presenting the numerical form, 500 thousand is already the plural form. In order to avoid making this mistake in the future, which will result in GRA points deductions, it would be better for you to use the numerical form (500000) rather than the word form. You should also take note of the verb formations in your presentation. It is incorrect to say "increase to reached a peak..." The correct sentence formation is "increased to reach a peak" The time reference should be within the verb "increase" not "reach".  
  
By the way, you were short one sentence in the summary overview. You forgot to mention the measurement type used in relation to the numerical value in the thousands. You also did not do a complete comparison discussion of the chart. If you look at the figures for 1190, there was an overlap in the presentation for divorces and second marriages. The instruction for this essay included a discussion point for "make comparisons where necessary", the overlap in information is one of the important comparison points of the essay.
## IELTS Writing Task 1: physical activity

  
  
**The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010**  
  
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of men and women in six age groups in Australia in terms of physical activity they partook in on a regular basis in 2010.  
  
Overall, men involved in physical activity more often than their female counterpart did. Additionally, both genders at the age of 65 and over shared the similar proportions in taking physical exercise regularly.  
  
In the youngest age group (15 to 24), 52.8% was the percentage of male who participated in physical activity, which was slightly higher than the figure for their female counterparts, at 47.7%. By contrast, men were less active than women between the ages of 25 and 34. Likewise, in the age group 35 to 44, the proportion of men doing regular physical activity was 39.5%, which was around 10% lower than the figure for women.  
  
Women in the age group 45 to 54 and 55 to 64 showed more interest in physical activity than their male counterparts, the percentages of women and men joined this kind of activity in the former group were 53.3% and 43.1% respectively, which were nearly similar to the figures in the latter one. The proportions for both genders aged 65 and over were slightly identical, at approximately 47%.  
  
*
For information conciseness, you should have included an indication of the age brackets. Something along the lines of "Ages measured ranged from 15 to 65 and over" would have helped add clarity to your summary overview. An inclusion of the measurement type, the percentage, would have also allowed you to present a complete presentation. You would have completed the summary of data requirements that way.  
  
In your first data indicative paragraph. the 10 %lower figure for women should have been presented. It was included in the graph results so it should have been included in the report you wrote. Never leave an open ended information presentation. Always include all the facts so you can create an accurate data report. That will be your opportunity to show the examiner that you have the analytical ability to deliver a complete and properly formatted data report, which will increase your TA score. Complete the comparison discussion every time.  
  
You don't need to indicate that the figures are similar if you are not going to do a comparative analysis of the figures. Such as statement requires the presentation of information to show the truth to your claims. Remember, this is a data report. Accuracy is just as important as the clarity of your explanations and grammar range.
## Advantages and disadvantages of tourism

  
  
Tourism is becoming a crucial criterium in sizing up the economy of various nations worldwide. However, tourism can also pose several problems if it is ill-managed. This essay will discuss both sides of the topic.  
  
On the one hand, tourism brings about some blatantly obvious benefits. First of all, tourism helps decrease unemployment rates. Many job opportunities have welcomed a large number of people living in all parts of the country. According to some research, the open o f tremendous travel agencies recently have eased the job markets greatly; the individual income also rises a great deal. Furthermore, tourism contributes to promoting and popularising the image of the country. Foreign tourists coming yo Vietnam are warmly welcomed with Vietnamese cuisine, traditions and customs as well as different beauty spots, recognized by UNESCO as the World heritage. This will, consequently, attracts investments from foreign countries, helping boost the national economy.  
  
On the other hand, tourism poses several pitfalls. First, then impacts of tourism on the environment can be seen clearly. The increasing demand on different amenities results in the growing of restaurants, hotels and amusement parks, whose appearance accounts for a great amount of lands. However, many of these services do not care for the sewage they give out to the environment, leading to several pollution. Moreover, tourism is a cause of bio-diversity loss. Homes of animals are destroyed to build such amenities for human, Their habitats are contaminated and poisoned, making them dying hungry. For example, due to mistaking plastic bags for food, shoals of fish are dead after eating them.
There are two tourism discussion topics that could apply to your A/D essay. Without the clarity of the original prompt, I cannot accurately consider the responsiveness of your response. I base the majority of your essay review on the prompt requirements. Please remember to upload it next time. Thank you. Students, please do not post what you think is the correct prompt for this essay. The OP is responsible for that.  
  
The essay discussions always require the student his own knowledge or personal experience within the discussion essay. So you should avoid terms such as "According to research" which obviously goes against the discussion requirements. Always make it appear that your response is based on your personal knowledge. Just state the information. There is no need to say where it came from. In fact, the examiner will not even care if the information you provide is accurate. You can make information up, Just make sure that you explain it clearly in your presentation. The examiner is looking for the following points in your presentation every time:  
  
- A clear topic sentence  
- A clear explanation of the topic sentence  
- A relevant example in relation to the topic sentence  
- A reason that supports the topic sentence and example  
  
Provide those sections in every paragraph and you definitely get a decent C&C score. All those information need to be presented in a general pronoun using way (second or third person). Or, if indicated, you can use first person pronoun references (What is your opinion? Present your opinion?" Do you dis/agree?)  
  
Please learn to edit your work before you consider it finalized. Spelling and grammar errors can make you fail the test:  
  
Foreign tourists coming yo Vietnam -...TO Vietnam...  
  
Grammar Errors:  
  
Never capitalize a word after a comma (... for humans, **their**habitats... )  
  
... the open o f tremendous travel agencies = ... the **OPENING of**...  
  
... making them dying hungry = ... making them **die** hungry.  
  
Comma usage: Look up the rules regarding when and when not to use a comma in a sentence. In the following instance, a comma was required:  
  
... Vietnamese cuisine, traditions, and customs.  
  
The comma before "and" helps to clarify the presentation.  
  
LR Error:  
  
The affects of... = the **effects** of...  
  
Affects = produces an effect  
  
Effect = something produced by cause  
  
So, even without the prompt requirements, we can clearly see that there are errors in your presentation. There are still other errors in the presentation but my post is already running too long. I'll leave you with these errors to consider for now. These should be enough to get you started with your English grammar lessons. Base your next set of grammar studies on the errors you made in this essay.
## Fees or no fees in education?

  
  
No issue in recent years has drawn as much attention as the debate surrounding fees in education. Some people advocated that paying money for education is a necessity. I subscribe to this opinion for two reasons below.  
  
Firstly, it is undeniable that money would be able to motivate students. This is because they don't want to waste their parents' money. As a result, they will try to get hold of skills and knowledge to reach a level they think it breaks even tuition fees. For example, a recent poll by the Korea government found that 58% of people said that paying money for curriculums would have enhanced motivations to study. Therefore, the pupils concentrate on lessons instead of wasting money.  
  
Secondly, one point which I believe to be absolutely pivotal is the fact that the cost of comprehension like tax these students turn over to the government and school. The reason is that their teachers' salaries and contribution to the structure were restricted, which means that education doesn't have enough quality to teach full of essential skills. For instance, a recent vote by Bejing 2 high school found that 78% of parents who agree on paying extra to buy computers for their son. As a consequence, you have to spend money on effort teacher and infrastructures you was used  
  
In conclusion, I am of opinion that all education should remain equally available to all regardless of income. This is not only fair, but will also ensure that countries can prosper and develop into the future with a well-educated workforce.
There are actually 2 discussion prompts based on your discussion topic. Since you did not provide the original prompt, I will be unable to review your essay for task responsiveness. Kindly remember to provide the original prompt next time so that you can get a comprehensive review of your work. Students cannot post the prompt for you in this thread. However, they may give a general comment about your work. Topic discussion has to be avoided because the prompt they opt to use for that review could be incorrect, thus providing you with misinformation, which will not help you improve your writing skills.  
  
Grammar Issues:  
  
Do not use an apostrophe when referring to the plural form of a word. Parent is the singular form of the word parents, which is the plural representation of the ancestor of the children. Children is the plural form of "child:.  
  
There are times when presenting 2 connected discussion points in a sentence,does not require the use of a comma before the word "but" to indicate an emphasis in your statement ( This is not only fair but will also...)  
  
Formal words need to spelled out. This is an academic paper so always use the complete words ( don't = do not, doesn't = does not, ) An academic tone is required to show respect to the reader and an ability to write in a formal setting. Avoid using language shortcuts in an academic essay, research, or opinion paper.  
  
Use topic sentences instead of word fillers / introductions to create clarity in your paragraph presentations. The following is an introduction filler that decreases the clarity of your presentation:  
  
*...one point which I believe to be absolutely pivotal is the fact that*  
  
Just get to the point:  
  
*Secondly, the cost of comprehension like tax these students turn over to the government and school*  
  
By the way, that section, even in the original does not make sense. Something got lost in translation from your language to English.  
  
Spelling Errors:  
  
Bejing = Beijing  
  
I could have done a better review of your work if the prompt were provided. Please do not forget to give the discussion instructions next time. Thanks.
## iELTS WRITING TASK 1 ACADEMIC - LINE GRAPH

  
  
The line graph illustrates the number of people living in three different countries (USA, Sweden and Japan) aged 65 and more than over 100 years from 1940 to 2040. Units are measured in percentage.  
  
Overall, the percentage of the population aged 65 and over increase over the period given. At the start of the period, American accounted for the highest proportion among three countries, while Japan is predicted that it will replace the United States in 2040.  
  
Between 1940 and 2020, USA and Sweden experienced an oscillation in the percentage of people aged 65 and over. In 1940, around 10% of people in America aged 65 and over compared to about 8% in Sweden. While as, the number of Japanese people living considerably more than 65 just over 5% and this number is the lowest among three countries during this period.  
  
In the next 20 years, the percentage of three countries are predicted that will almost increase. There was an dramatically growth in Japan in the 1930s with the highest percentage will be at 25%. In 2040, it is thought that nearly 28% Japanese will be 65 and more, while the figure for Sweden and the US will be more gradually lower at 25% and approximately 23% respectively.  
  
*
The summary overview is complete in content. However, the presentation will not help your GRA score as you did not use individual sentences to portray the information within the chart. Remember, the complex sentence has an independent clause and at least one dependent clause. These must present one clear idea to the reader. When you combine information into one long presentation simply using the word "and" to separate your data, that is a run-on sentence. You opt to use at least 2 independent clauses in the same sentence without an appropriate conjunction or a punctuation mark to separate the presentation, you have not created a complex sentence. The summary overview will definitely pull down your GRA score due to the lack of proper simple and complex sentence presentation. However, you did show that you are capable of using other punctuation marks. Although, your use of the parenthesis would have been a stronger GRA score consideration had you used a comma before the word "and" in the presentation. The comma would have added clarity to the listing of countries. Each country is independent of the other so a comma clarifies that separation.  
  
To clarify, an American is a person from America. America is the country where the American comes from. Differentiate between the national identity and the country or origin of a person (America has the highest...) . That is an LR deduction on your part. Misuse of the word or usage of a word in the wrong context.  
  
Additionally, a future prediction needs to use future verb tenses in its presentation since the action is yet to take place (Japan predicts that **it will replace**...)  
  
There is a grammar rule that goes "A before consonants, an before vowels". Kindly remember that in your presentations (There was an dramatical growth = There was A DRAMATIC growth)  
  
Work on your paragraph presentations. Avoid run-on sentences so that you will meet the minimum 3 sentence requirement for the paragraph. You did well in terms of the word count but your sentence presentation skills are lacking. Your main problems in scoring will be in the LR and GRA sections because of the current errors that your presentation shows.
## The 'screen staring' effect on kids

  
  
Nowadays children watch a lot of TV and play video games.However, some people think that these activities are not good for the child's mental health.To what extent you agree or disagree?(please do score it)  
  
Nobody can deny that in the recent years, children spend much of their time by watching television or playing video games. This issue has raised a great concern for some people who believe that these activities present several downsides on the children's psychology. However, I am convinced that spending a normal timespan can be proved beneficial for many reasons.  
  
Firstly, children who constantly use electronic devices become techno-liberate at an early age in this increased technological-oriented society. Furthermore, there are video games and television programs which are designed to develop various skills of children such as critical and logical thinking, or even learning a new language. Spending time to on these activities can be both entertaining and educational and thus, young people do not perceive them as work, but they end up learning and having fun at the same time. For instance, Greek TV program "Rainbow" aims to educate children, from an early age, on how to interact with their peers and how to develop their social skills.  
  
On the other side, few would dispute that these activities can be detrimental to the child's psychological health. To be more specific there are some online games or TV programs which include sexually explicit material or violent scenes. Children are the most vulnerable audience and they are surely affected from what they see. Moreover, chat rooms in video games have become the new playground for sexual predators who most of times try to manipulate unsuspecting children.  
  
To sum up, this issue is far from black and white. Even though some negative effects are crucial, and we need to pay attention, I strongly believe that under normal circumstances this these kind of activities can have both educational and entertaining purpose.
The TA score for this essay will be 1. Your answer was completely unrelated to the task. You did not compare your response in the restatement to the original discussion question, which provided the content for your 2 reasoning paragraphs:  
  
*Question: To what extent you agree or disagree?  
Response: I am convinced that spending a normal timespan can be proved beneficial for many reasons.  
Concluding Response: I strongly believe that under normal circumstances this these kind of activities can have both educational and entertaining purpose.*  
  
Did you notice how you did not respond to the actual question being posed in the essay? Exactly. You were supposed to explain why you support only one side of the discussion. Your opinion should have been clear. This was not a C/C essay. The Dis/agree essays are always written as single opinion essays. You clearly did not understand the question so you responded in a manner that was inappropriate in format. Hence, the essay cannot progress with further review, with a TA score of 1, there is no way you will achieve a 5 passing score based on the remaining scoring considerations.  
  
The correct response is related to:  
  
*... I strongly support this statement for 2 reasons.  
  
Children cannot differentiate between real life and make believe. They believe television program and video games are reality...  
  
Additionally, children who watch television have short attention spans, which make it difficult for them to focus during formal academic classes. They do not have the ability to concentrate....  
  
These are the reasons why I fully believe that the mental health of children...*  
  
The C&C score is based on the way that you use clear explanations in your paragraphs and how you relate one paragraph to the next. They should both support a singular point of view to a strong extent. You cannot have a measured response essay if you do not pick one side to support in the discussion. It is the "pick a side to support" in the essay that becomes the basis of the overall score of your essay. Just one side. Discuss, support, and defend. That is all you have to do.  
  
This essay is scored on your ability to defend your single point of view using valid discussion points. Unless you are asked to discuss both points of view, never use the C/C or A/D discussion format.