dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The charts below  
The diagram  
In terms of synonyms, the writer chose the wrong word equivalent for the chart. A chart is not the same as a diagram. By definition the difference is:  
  
Chart - a sheet exhibiting information in tabular form or a graphic representation, as by curves, of a dependent variable, as temperature, price, etc.; graph.  
  
Diagram - a figure, usually consisting of a line drawing, made to accompany and illustrate a geometrical theorem, mathematical demonstration, etc.  
  
Based on the difference in word meaning, the word equivalent chosen is incorrect and will cause definite LR score deductions as the writer shows that he is not capable of using a word within the correct meaning.  
  
The summary overview cannot be scored highly due to the confusing information presentation. It neither coherent nor cohesive since it is combining several seperate idea sentences into one run-on sentence. The result of which will cause a failing GRA score.  
  
At this point the writer has already ensured that his essay will receive a failing score, regardless of the content of his reporting paragraphs.
## Tabard Tower Theme Park

  
  
The chart illustrates changes in the number of monthly visitors to Tabard Towers Theme Park in the preceding year. Overall, the number of tourists followed a gradual rise in the first three months and dropped steadily in the last four months. However, the period between June and October showed the most vital data in the graph.( paragraph 1)  
  
The number of travelers grew in equal steps in the first three months, from 30,000 to 50,000 visitors. Although there was a faster increase to 70,000 people in May, the number of tourists plummeted to the lowest point of 20,000 attendances in June. The figures subsequently rocketed by almost doubling data in the next month before declining to 79,000 visitors in August. September witnessed a remarkable ascent to a peak of 140,000 tourists. In the last three months, the number of people who paid a visit to Tabard Towers Theme Park went downhill consistently by 20,000 people each month.( paragraph 2 )
The chart illustrates  
I cannot say that this is a reliable description of the provided image since the writer did not upload the image guide with the report. It guves me a sense of inaccuracy for some reason. I need to see the image to be sure.  
  
preceding  
What year was this? Is the writer sure it is a yearly reference? The uncertainty comes from the lack of year mention overall. There is only a monthly / quarterly mention presented.  
  
The task 1 essay normally has 3 paragraphs comprised of the summary + data report. Though the writer wrote more than required, he will still lose points due to the missing paragraph. The report should have been spread over 2 reporting paragraphs to meet the requirement.
***Today, many young people spend too much of their free time at shopping malls. This can be considered negative for young people and society generally.***  
  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

  
  
Nowadays, the fact that the young spend most of their free time going shopping can be considered negative for themselves and also our society. To the best of my knowledge, I strongly approve of that statement for those reasons that will be discussed below.  
  
Advocates of this base their arguments on the fact that being for more than one hour at the shopping malls can make teenagers waste much money on unnecessary commodities. Due to the attractive arrangement of goods in the shops, most people would be encouraged to pay for whatever they are impressed with and those are usually not essential. According to some reports about trading, people, especially women who go to the shopping malls buy up to seventy-five percent of things that are not needed because of the announcement as well as their appearance than those who go shopping online. As a result, it has made common thinking in others that shopping too much is usual even when they do not have enough money for living well.  
  
Moreover, instead of wasting money meaninglessly, they can use that money for helping other people. Up to this year, the COVID 19 has made millions of people unemployed and homeless, however, others who can still earn living spend their time and money more and more on shopping. For example, the homeless can afford for their eating and many young people still buy food to use only a half. Thus, It is not a surprise that the gap between the rich and the poor is bigger, the rich are still rich and the poor are still poor.  
  
To sum up, going shopping is not bad but young people should only consider shopping as a hobby and limit the time that they go. Likewise, they can use their free time and money to help those who are needed.
the young spend most of their free time going shopping  
Going shopping and spending their free time at the shopping mall are 2 different activities. The writer was confused by the phrase  
  
much of their free time at shopping malls  
This could mean any activity ranging from shopping, going to the game center, watching a movie, and a host of other activities. It does not automatically translate as "going shopping". While that is the common thought that comes to mind when one hears of a shopping mall, the reference should have been more in general reference as in the original. For example: "spend most of their free time doing activities at the mall." This would be more aligned with the original statement of spending free time at the mall. The writer has thus, misrepresented the original thought and its subject reference.  
  
for those reasons that will be discussed below.  
The writer provided a clear statement, but did not provide any topical reference to support his claim. The supporting topic subjects mentioned at the end would have provided a clear thesis statement in support of his opinion. Doing so would have concretely established his opinion as needed for the strength of this paragraph restatement.  
  
teenagers waste much money on unnecessary commodities.  
Again, the discussion reference focuses only on shopping as the discussion point. The activities that the mall goers spend on are varied and expansive. The writer must not focus only on shopping because th  
  
at is only one of many activities. Rather than a focused discussion, this should be a general discussion covering various mall activities instead. This is a weak argument due to the incorrect focus.  
  
The second paragraph is more acceptable in the social sense. The problem with this presentation is the sudden change of discussion focus with the closing sentence being :  
  
It is not a surprise that the gap between the rich and the poor is bigger, the rich are still rich and the poor are still poor.  
That is a totally unrelated reference point and should not be included in the discussion. It alters the discussion topic from the original.  
  
going shopping  
Again, the focus is not on shopping but on spending time at the mall. The test taker has misunderstood the requirements of the discussion.
## About Thomas alve Edison life and about his work and how it became famous and about Jefferson

  
  
Thomas alve Edison was born in milan Ohio , Thomas Edison unveiled the phonograph - wich reproduced sounds by means of the vibration of a stylus following a goove on rotating disc . Jefferson one of the inveter useing ac machercor electricity and Thomas alve Edison is useing dc catcher electricity . In december 1877 . Invention time by time it became more and more famous then ever , and soon it into worldwide prominence dubbed the wizard of the menlo park . Edison early year in 1854 sumuel edison became a light house keeper and chaperenter fort gratiot military post near port huron , michigan . where the family live in a substantantial alve, as a invention was known until his second marriage , entered school there and attended spradically for five years .He imaginative and inquistive , but ,becaues much intrustion was written and had difficulty , an avid and omnivorous reader . Edison lack of formal school was not unusual . American attended school a total of 434 days . Edison die on october 18 , 1931, in west New jersey
Kindly review the statement for capitalization errors. The writer has not provided capitalized words as required when presenting nouns in reference to the names of people and places in the presentation. These errors are very obvious from the very first sentence that was presented in the paragraph.  
  
The paper is supposed to discuss the life of Thomas Alva Edison but fails to do so beyond his birthdate and place of birth. These do not comprise a reference to his life, only the location of his birth. The discussion of his life should show his development as a person and as a scientist by presenting pivotal points in his lifetime.  
  
The paper is filled with spelling errors and punctiation errors. The writer is making errors that he should have been conscious of since these are the basic grammar lessons provided to ESL students. He has not made an effort to write properly nor informatively in this statement. This is a failing exercise.  
  
By the way, there was supposed to be a discussion about Jefferson as well but there is no such information present in this piece. So the presentation will also fail due to incomplete information presentation.
In many countries around the world, life expectancy is increasing. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation and give your opinion.  
  
In recent years, the expectation of life from all over the world has risen significantly; therefore, this passage will discuss how older is essential for younger generations and the problems of overpopulation. However, the benefits seem to outweigh the drawbacks.  
  
The increase in life expectancy is beneficial for several reasons. First and foremost, it is claimed that the longer people live, the more experienced and wise they are. After a long and continuous period of studying and working, the elderly have an opportunity to learn skills and knowledge that are valuable. Therefore older people can pass down their life experiences to younger generations, which makes the world more developed. Secondly, another benefit of living longer is that elderly can work or do volunteer with the view of devoting more to society. For example, my 65 years old uncle is still doing voluntary work as a teacher in a mountainous area.  
  
On the other hand, it is undoubted that the rise in life expectancy also results in some drawbacks. A longer lifespan would be a burden on the shoulders of the government. For instance, the General Office For Population And Family Planning organization has announced that 2 billion VND had to be added to cover the medical insurance of people above 60 in the past 15 years. Moreover, overpopulation would be a big concern for developed countries.  
  
In conclusion, there are convincing arguments both for and against the rising lifespan, but I firmly agree that the increase in the length of life may bring more advantages than its disadvantages.  
  
Thank you for your feedback.
The prompt restatement + personal opinion paragraph cannot receive a passing score. The examiner will be highly confused by the word usage and grammar representation in this paragraph to the point where he will be confused and doubtful about what the writer is trying to say. This text is nowhere near the meaning, expectation, and presentation of the original statement. This failure will be enough to limit the passing ability of the rest of the essay. It has handicapped the writer's score as his essay has already failed the first aspect of the sectional scores. Nothing in the original prompt refers to overpopulation and "older is essential for younger generations" (whatever the writer thinks that confusing passage means). The writer has included subjects for consideration that are not supported by the original prompt presentation. The restatement + opinion presentation will get the lowest possible score ( failing / non passing) for that paragraph, thus pulling down the other scoring considerations.  
  
I firmly agree that  
The writer also failed to provide a third reasoning paragraph that explains his opinion regarding the topic. There is an under developed essay presented along with a severely off topic first paragraph. The writer has too many errors in the TA, GRA, LR, and C+C sections to receive even a baseline passing score.
I will try to discuss both viewpoints before reaching my own opinion.  
While you can opt to repeat the writing instructions at the end of the paragraph, that will not get a score because it does not meet the requirements for the scoring elements in that paragraph. Remember, it is called the "topic restatement + personal opinion presentation". The other keyword being "personal opinion". Therefore, after presenting the 2 public opinion in a rephrased form, the 3rd or last sentence of this paragraph needs to be your clear personal opinion. Why? The task accuracy score for this paragraph is reliant on the correct restatement and the clarity of your personal opinion. Simply repeating the instructions for the discussion does not meet this specific paragraph requirement.  
  
After considering all the facts, I would agree that  
The task 2 essay does not allow the writer to present a response to the question in the last paragraph. This is because the last paragraph is used only to summarize the topic and reasoning paragraphs that were previously presented. The personal opinion must be fully developed as a stand alone paragraph, completely explained. The lack of a proper summary conclusion paragraph could very well result in an automatic failing score for the test taker.  
  
An additional error is the approach to the public opinion presentations. Due to the lack of proper referencing that makes it clear that the public reasons are being considered, those 2 paragraphs come across as a part of the personal opinion of the writer. Creating a comparative discussion of the personal kind where a comparative discussion of the public kind is actually required. The format is:  
  
Public opinion + explanation + personal opinion in consideration of the public reasons = Agreement / Disagreement  
  
That discussion format will avoid the need to write 3 individual paragraphs as the writer will be presenting a personal opinion each time. It is a stronger form of personal opinion discussion as a personal opinion for each stance is provided.
## BOOK CLUB GRAPH ANALYSIS

  
  
The graph shows how much money book clubs received from a city council and The number of club members over four years.  
In year 1 ,there were 6,000 club members and the money The city council gives to Book clubs was 20,000  
Between year 1 and year 2,there was a slight decrease in club members from 6,000 to 5,000  
However,in the same periods The money The council gave to Book clubs increased slightly  
In year 3,the club members rose sharply.there was also a dramatic increase in the amount of money The council spent in book clubs.It peaked that year at £40,000.In year 4,  
  
The number of book club members continued to rise,Reaching a peak at 12,000 members,The Money The book clubs received from the Council  
fell by £5,000.  
Generally,there has been an upward trend in the number of book club members, even though less money was given to clubs in year 4  
  
*
The graph  
The image identification is somewhat correct. it is somewhat correct because the image shows 2 types of graphs within. A continuous line graph and a dotted line graph. Each image type should have been identified to help differentiate between the information provided. It will also help properly divide the paragraphas in the reporting area.The reader will be able to create a proper mental picture of the measurements as provided in the original, should the original image not be provided to the reader.  
  
As far as proper writing rules are concerned, the writer has a problem with his word capitalization. He tends to provide capitalized words where it is not necessary, thus reducing his GRA score due to an obvious inability to follow English writing rules. He uses capitalized words inconsistently in this essay.  
  
The formatting of the paragraphs are also off. Perhaps the writer wrote this on a mobile device rather than a laptop or tablet. Having done created incorrect paragraph presentations which would result in a failing GRA mark and an overall failing score in the end.
## Teenager Depression: The truth untold

  
  
According to the World Health Organization, by 2020, more than 264 million people will be suffering from depression worldwide. Adolescents aged 12 to 17 had the highest major depressive episodes (14.4%). What factors have led to this issue, and how can people reduce the severity of teens' depression?  
  
Recently we have been living in a society with pre-set norms. Young people are informed to be role models that respond to common real-world demands about what they look like, what they have to be, and how they behave. For instance, people assume that girls are considered beauties with slim bodies and fair skin, which is the beginning of the issue called body shaming. As children grow up not to be portrayed on social media or to resemble their peers, they feel different, self-deprecating, and culminate in teen depression. Last year, researchers found that, on average, 94% of teenage girls and 64% of teenage boys have suffered from image shaming on the internet.  
  
Besides, the school environment is also one of the factors leading to depression in teenagers. School is not only a positive setting for learning and growth but also a place where teenagers struggle to keep up with the heavy workload, pressure of achievement, and stress of exams. The great frustrations and beliefs about academic ability can lead to depression in teenagers. The Paper cites statistics from The Economist, which show that China's teen suicide rate ranks first in the world, of which the cause due to school pressure accounts for 26%.  
  
Depression can be seen as a fever. It starts small and then builds up over time till getting worse. That is why people should be aware of it as soon as possible.
Recently we have been living  
Since this is supposed to be a general reference article, it is important that the writer maintain an unbias point of view in the presentation. It is more advisable to use third person pronouns rather than first person pronouns when presenting information in this case. The objectivity of the article has to be clear to the reader, by keeping the personal point of view out of the discussion.  
  
suffered from image shaming on the internet.  
Which has led to what sorts of depression in teens? There are several types of depression that should be indicated in this article based on the degree of studies that have resulted from the basis of body shaming. Try to mention and discuss a few of these depressions.  
  
The essay stopped midstream. There is no reference to solutions, which was indicated as one of the article topics at the start of the presentation. You need to provide additional research to complete the article. The information presented is actually a bit superficial and lacking in professional references, which makes it only a draft and outline rather than an almost complete article.
## Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses

  
***Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender?***  
  
It is obvious there is a gender gap in the numerous occupations in today's society. However, some remain with the opinion that females and males are born to have differences in terms of their vocational preferences. From my perspective, I disagree with the idea of excluding a certain gender from an occupation.  
  
On the one hand, it is undeniable that a vast majority of jobs require gender. It is mainly due to their biological differences between men and women. Specifically, women are considered more caring and nurturing by nature, therefore they are suitable for nurseries as well as babysitters, while men predominate in construction, mining or logging because of their physical strength. In this case, the gender gap still remains at some point in the future.  
  
On the other hand, making occupations open to both genders brings a wide range of benefits. First, different genders may bring into new views, which can generate the possibilities of the development and the success of the business or tackle ongoing problems. To illustrate, female police officers may have a wide understanding of domesticated violence and provide effective strategies with a view to dealing with the problems. Moreover, it is evident that a mix-gender working environment is proven to be more efficient. As a consequence, two genders can have a better performance and the business could benefit from this efficiency.  
  
To summarize, although some occupations require gender, males and females now have the freedom of vocational choices . The business facilitating the equilibrium may have advantages on innumerable aspects.
I disagree with  
This is the writer's personal opinion regarding the given topic. A clear disagreement with the given points. This is supposed to be the foundation of the 2 supporting reasons. The writer misunderstood the discussion format and used a comparative discussion where a single opinion defense was required. 2 reasons in support of the defense. The way the writer presented the reasoning paragraphs creates an uncertain rather than certain opinion, creating a large deduction of points due to lack of opinion clarity.  
  
The clear writer's opinion is negated by the evidence and reasoning paragraphs/ presentations. Of the 2 paragraphs, only the 2nd weak paragraph supports the opinion. That will recieve a partial but non-passing score. The discussion error becomes even more evident as one that will lead to a failing score based on the improper concluding summary.
Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.  
  
## scientific information - available or not?

  
  
We are living in the era of technology which changes so quickly every day. This is because most of updated achievements are shared to public in many manners such as scientific research, business and the academic world. However, some argue that information should be limited to access. I personally believe that people need to approach latest data as much as possible.  
  
On the one hand, sharing information anticipates society developments. In term of science, results uncovered from some findings could be solutions for other fields. Consequently, this helps save not only money and time but also labor force. Additionally, established academic lessons assist students have opportunities to catch up contemporary data, which is beneficial for those who are preparing for their thesis. For example, block chain technology is applied thoroughly in various kinds of industry. By scanning bar code, customers are able to verify all information about the food that they consume, including the origin, quality, dosage of vitamin contained on it. Therefore, I consider that information is necessary to be shown publicly.  
  
On the other hand, there are many sensitive data which must be hidden away from society. Those could be criminal records, personal status or bank account number. For instances, personal phone numbers sometime are collected when we surf the Internet and unfortunately, we are disturbed by advertisements sent to our phone every day, this currently becomes such a big issue. Hence, some people believe that limiting information might be the best remedy for this problem.  
  
In conclusion, even few negative points about publishing data to every body, I still highly encourage to share knowledge to society as long as we are able to well-control sensitive details.  
  
(280 words)