dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Question :  
The world of work is changing rapidly. Working conditions today are not the same as before and people no longer rely on taking one job for life. Discuss the possible causes for these changes and give your suggestion which can be taken in the future?**  
  
People do more than two jobs in this day as a result of working conditions changing quickly. The increase of basic necessities is one of the triggers of such issue and the ability to manage the income well is a measure which can be taken.  
  
The main concern related to the changes of work is the rise of necessities. This occurs as the necessities such as clothing, food and residence are growing up. This will impact for the families by difficulty of finding the low price the kind of necessities. A latest survey from International Economic Organization state that 40% of people, about the cost of clean food in the market is become more expensive as the increase regularly of necessities. It is acceptable that the higher cost for living become the reason for people to take more than one job.  
  
One of the possible solutions which can be admitted with this issue is manage the income effectively. This noticeable would make people limit the outcome from the unimportant necessites. In addition, it also can be saved the money to the future needs. For instance, based on survey by University of Houston state that 50% of people decide to make the food in the home as the cost is lower than buy food outside the home. It is true that using money in the right way is one of solution that people should do.  
  
In conclusion, the current changes of working conditions has been caused by the cost of necessities is growing up and the solution for the worker that can be implement is using their money wisely and arrange their salary effectively .
hello Mr dika..  
let me give some corrections..  
  
1. This will impact ~~for~~ the families by difficulty of finding the low price  
2.This will impact for the families by ~~difficulty~~*(the difficulty)*of finding  
3. ~~A~~*(use article the "the latest")* latest survey from International Economic Organization state  
4. the market *(put comas)*~~is~~ become more expensive as ...  
  
may my corrections be useful for your writing.  
thank you...
***Global warming is one of the biggest threats humans face in the 21st Century and sea levels are continuing to rise at alarming rates. What problems are associated with this and what are some possible solutions.***  
  
The global warming phenomenon is one of big issues faced by human beings and the level of sea floor has reached at. The problem appeared owing to this phenomenon is flood around the coastal area and the workable solution which can be taken is the construction of flood-control barrier.  
  
As the impact of the emerging of climate change, the flood is striking many countries since the amount of the ocean's surface increased so that it spillover to the river near the residence. A current study conducted by Japan Government reveals the impact of flood is striking out every single part of human life and the aftermath of flood brings many drawbacks such as the skin disease and diarrhea that mostly affects children, causes the absent of economic activity as people cannot walk on their daily activity, and inflicts the financial loss of a country.  
  
The construction of flood-control barrier such as dam and reservoir can be taken as the workable solution for this problem. The function of the dam is to control the limit of water near the residence where inhabitants live while the function of reservoir is to place plenty of water. Therefore the flood can be controlled since the excessive amount of water will go through the dam and will be accommodated to the reservoir next to the dam. The construction of this barrier has been used by some countries having the same problem for decades, for instance Netherlands.  
  
In conclusion, building dam and reservoir that has been applied by Netherlands is the best long-term solution to face the flood in many other countries as the amount of water in the ocean is overflowing resulting in flooding happened in some regions of countries become the most common problem of the global warming phenomenon.
Alrisky, I do believe that this essay will only have a score of 4 in an actual test. There are problems with the way that your self. Some of your sentences do not offer a complete thought (e.g. The global warming phenomenon is one of big issues faced by human beings and the level of sea floor has reached at.). This makes the discussion hard to understand . The thought progression is unclear and does not use proper vocabulary when expressing a sentiment or explaining a point of view. Basically, the essay is confusing to read and does not accurately represent the prompt that you are expected to discuss using basic facts as evidence in support of your statements.
hello there..  
I am going to give some corrections for your writing..  
  
1. ~~it~~ (it is) ~~spillover~~*(spill over)* to the river near the residence  
2. The construction of flood-control ~~barrier~~*(barriers)*  
3. the function of ~~reservoir~~*( put article the" the reservoir)*is to place plenty of water  
4. for instance *(put comas)* Netherlands  
  
i do apologize if i have made mistake in my corrections.  
may my correction help your writing.  
good job.
**In some countries, government are encouraging industries and business to move to regional area outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages**  
  
The industries and business are reassured by the government to freely relocate their factories in suburban area. although this will add transportation cost burdened by the workers, the gradual decrease of congested spot and create of fresh air in the city will far outweigh any drawbacks.  
  
In the workers point of view, the obstacle to reach the factories is the main concerned not to move the industrial buildings. The reasons for this are the unsatisfied pay cheque from the factories and unsuitable living condition, for instance, health care facility and kid schools for family, which becomes the strongest arguments of workers to settle nearby to new places. Consequently, they have to spend more money on transport to get there. This has been suggested by a phenomenal scientist, known as Prof. Dylan from University of Oxford, who conducted research to compare reasons of budgeting before and after the movement. He found that over 85% labors were burdened by the cost of transportation because of inequality in amount of salaries between them and terrified to get into new neighborhood. However, this problem would not be main concern as fast and affordable public transportation linking the factory spot and worker's home has been provided in most cities.  
  
However, it is known that the traffic jam would be steadily fallen as well as clear of polluted gases in the city are truly worthwhile effect when the industrial buildings are moved away from city center. As the production of factories are depended on the flow of transportation from and to exchanges areas, such as, airport, harbor and train station, clearing a way is vitally required to prevent collision with offices and residential areas. Furthermore, the ease of fumes released by vehicles are at critical risk that need attention in close-up as the climate change is getting worsen. Therefore, the United Nation has taken a step to gather data related to beneficial effect in industrial development of developing countries that showed drastic improvement of highways and a downward trend of global warming after shifting factories to side way city. This means relocating factories and business center has many advantages and outweighs its drawbacks.  
  
To sum up, the troublesome for workers to go to work is not outweigh the beneficial of declining of number of traffic spot in the city and allowing fresh breeze flowing inside the city, which is free from fumes. I would personally suggest that transportation issue can be resolved by authorities as soon as workers agree to move the factories; Besides, it should not be obstacles for people anymore to have conducive environment in city.
@fadhil......find below the grammatical errors I found while going through your essay.  
  
1.) "Create of fresh air in the city" should be "creation of fresh air in the city.  
2.)"In the workers point of view the obstacle ..." should be " in the workers' point of view, the obstacle to reach the factories is the main concern".  
  
Moreover, I think you need to review the last two paragraphs for punctuations placement.
**Some people think that online computer games are useful for children, while others claim are bad. What are advantages and disadvantages of online computer games for children?**  
  
There are some people who believe that children should play online computer games as they gain a lot of benefits and less drawbacks, while some of them also hesitate to agree with the statement. Although some of the program in online pc games are meant for educational purpose with no erotic contents, the possibility of physiological effect, such as, addiction towards games and affection of game contents is still became the main drawback needed to be recognized by parents.  
  
Internet based games that contain few of inappropriate images, video and sounds are quite popular among children. As the technology of media has growth rapidly, the era of delivering knowledge shifted from text books to internet based games, which are relatively easy to access as well as understand by children at home. According to Australian researchers, the games connected to internet have big roles in children's brain development while learning new beneficial contents. Those contents are composed by tremendous vocabularies and mathematical patterns which somehow showed a significant increase in sending neurotransmitter in child brain that lead to activation of memory skills. Furthermore, they found that almost 75% of children these days in Australia have achieved good marks in their studies, especially subjects related to numeric and problem-solving. As the whole types of games are not dominated by inappropriate and uneducated contents, playing games are as safe as reading books if they seek new knowledge.  
  
However, most games, especially online game has strong affection towards children's behaviors and remote their awareness to play repeatedly. The reason is mainly as game maker who design the entire game create the system which cannot be done once, need to be finished several times to achieve rewards in the game, which often encourage children to be addicted. Besides, the hazardous scenes or violent language become another parental disfavor to allow playing online games. The researchers from University of Vancouver have questioned whether engaging in game for 24 hours for a week has similar impact physiologically than player who play for 3 hours for 2 a week. As a result, they found that most children are prone to eagerly redo the same game and memorized the harsh vocabularies, which are ensured by filling questionnaire of words that are said by the main character in the game. By this fact, it is strongly suggested that addiction towards game and become violently in speaking language are real.  
  
In summary, online games can be better choice to deliver essential information regarding education subjects, while psychological affection towards game and desire to play it repeatedly are undeniable drawbacks of playing them. it would be better if parents can limit the time exposure of their children to play games to earn the beneficial information as well as psychological effects.
Hey Fadhil, I really like the way you delivered your opinion in the essay. It had an accurate number of references that gave the discussion a high sense of credibility. Let's forget that your grammar usage has problems and there are times when your sentences are awkwardly developed. That didn't affect the way your opinion was expressed and received by the reader though. Somehow, you still came across as understandable. So I will applaud you and tell you that you have done a pretty good job in relation to responding to the prompt. In case you want to know what kind of score you would receive for this work in an actual test, I have a feeling that it would score somewhere between a 5 or 6. Not bad all for a practice test.
***More renewable energy sources are harnessed to generate electricity these days. What are disadvantages and advantages of this trend?***  
  
Today, many people rely on utilizing renewable energy in order to produce electricity. While this trend can reduce the number of CO2 released on the atmosphere, such trend also has limited energy production.  
  
It is generally known that a latest method to produce electricity will not contribute to be one of global warming causes. Compared to the unrenewable energy that should be burned first, this energy does not require the technic that hostile environment as it utilizes energy generated by natural resources. A conducted research in United State shows that due to there are many countries that are using this trend, the level of erosion ozone layer decrease 4% during the last 3 semester. Hence, it is clear that by using natural resources, CO2's number that destroy ozone layers are declining.  
  
However, as this is still a developing trend then it only produce less than what conventional system has. The reason for this because renewable energy relies on dynamic weathers that results fickle volume of energy. Besides, there is still lack of experiences how to generate those natural resources that limits people to utilize it well. China has taken advantages through wind power, a national researcher then states that Chinese who live in countryside are still struggling in generating electricity through this method as they have no idea what to do when the wind power ran down. Thus, it proves that this trend still needs to be developed.  
  
In brief, it is a good idea to utilize natural resources besides it can save the earth, it will not be finished as well. However, the disadvantage like small volume production is still faced.
**Global warming is one of the biggest threats human face in the 21st century and sea levels are continuing to rise at alarming rate. What problems are associated with this and what are some possible solutions?**  
  
In the 21th century, climate change is one of the biggest problem that people face which makes amount of water in the sea increase and even surpass the limit. Consequently, it makes several areas near by the sea experiences flood and humans have to built dam or canal to reduce amount of water.  
  
It is generally believed that when sea levels increase and through the limit rate, flood in coastal area is hard to avoid. Flood occurs as several areas are covered by the large amount of water. The result for this is that people cannot do their daily activities and also a plenty of diseases are coming to strike the citizens. Research from University of Tokyo in 2011 found that 65% of flood areas through the world have a lot of infection such as malaria.  
  
However, these problems can be solved by building dam alongside the shoreline. A dam is a barrier that prevents water from going into the land area. The benefits of this are not only suppress floods but also provide water for human activities such as irrigation and alternative resources. A good example to illustrate this is that Netherland use dam for providing water since 1905 and it makes their country becomes the best agricultural systems across the world.  
  
All in all, it is acceptable that people have to build dam in the shore side as a consequence of flooding in several areas around the sea. And also the government has to allocate their fund for supporting such an idea.
Hello  
  
I have a few remarks, regarding your text:  
  
1. Many of your sentences are little too long. You should consider breaking them in half - this will make your writing much more comprehensible.  
2. The word 'human/humans' is mostly used in biological contexts, like when we talk about how people have evolved from monkeys, for example. You should avoid using this word in social contexts (~~humans have to built dam~~ '. Instead, you should consider using such words as 'people', 'persons', individuals', citizens', 'residents', etc.  
  
3. Your text contains many poorly constructed sentences, like the following: '~~several areas are covered by the large amount of water~~ . 'Amount' is an abstract term - you can use it when describing something, but not when establishing a cause-effect context.  
  
4. You should do a better job ensuring smooth transitions between the parts of your sentences.  
  
Other than that, the text is easy to understand. Good job. I hope this will help. Regards.
So the supplemental essay for emerson which I'm applying to is, **"Much of the work that students do at Emerson College is a form of storytelling. If you were to write the story of your life until now, what would you title it and why? Please be brief (100-200 words)."**  
  
I wrote two different versions, I need help as to which you think is better/more creative. The first one is pretty standard, the second is in a story form 3rd person, I'm not sure if they would like it or not? I thought it might be creative but I don't know. Please help thank you!!  
  
First one: If I were to write the story of my life, I'd title it, "Time: The Story of How I Found It". Every week someone asks me, "How do you find the time??". This is because I managed to play varsity soccer, work two jobs, get all of my school homework done, spend time with friends and family, finish a variety of tv shows, books, and movies (I do love a good story), study for the SAT's, and get all of my college applications done in three months. I'd love to say that I pride myself on my extraordinary multitasking capabilities, but that would be a lie. It's time management. Time management and I have grown considerably close these past few years (first name basis and everything!). I've really learned to value every hour of every day. I believe it will help immensely in college, getting all my work done as soon as possible, never waiting until the last minute, and always saving time to relax and spend time with friends. Learning to spend my time efficiently has helped prepare me for whatever these next four years throw my way, (the ten extra arms and legs I have won't hurt either).  
  
2nd one: "Mature"  
  
Emily was sinking through an hourglass. Her feet being pulled into a dense abrasive sand. The air around her thinned. Encumbered by a glass reality, she sank. She could distinguish voices below her, somewhere through the sandy void in which she was about to fall. The voices sounded older. Above her, she heard laughing; young voices. Down she went. Everything went dark until she was spit out onto warm pillowy sand. Her mother was there, as well as other adults she was close with. Surrounded by elders, she realized something. She was pulled down by time, forced to mature before any of her friends, the young voices she heard on the other side. Living with her brother, Matthew, and his debilitating illness, made her see that growing up early was just fate for her and it's a vital part of who she is. Living with her brother has taught her the value of hard work, patience, and acceptance of everyone. Though the journey through the "sands of time" was at times unpleasant, she would never trade what it has taught her for anything. In an ironic way 'sinking down' had her rising up to a new level of maturity.
Emily, I sincerely feel that you should use the second version of your essay for the application. It is exactly what the prompt is asking for. However, I would change the point of view to first person so that you can add more emotion and a sense of personalized story telling. By using the first person POV, you allow yourself the freedom to get as creative and as imaginative as you wish to be in telling your story. Try to include a simple description of your mother to add another dimension to the story. Maybe a short indication of what your relationship with her is like. Create a launching point before you say that you were forced to mature before your friends and relatives. The maturing is the result of a previous catalyst. Was it the illness of your brother? If so, then mention your brother before your sense of maturity. You are a very imaginative writer and it has helped you develop a very involving and informative essay response. Remember, my vote is for the second version of the essay. Good luck!
You have to revise the whole essay in order to accomplish what I suggest. Here is a 158 or so word sample of how I would revise this paper, I hope it helps you with your revision:  
  
*My exhaustion left me feeling like I was sinking into an hourglass as I drifted off to sleep. My feet were being absorbed by the abrasive sand. Air thinning around me, I was losing consciousness as the voices of those important to me filled my head. My mother's voice filled with loving care and advice, my elders telling me that I would need to mature soon, then the image of my brother Matthew. His debilitating illness was all too real in this dream. He needed my help. I need to be mature and patient with him. I needed to accept that my role in the family had changed to one of responsibility for my mother and brother. The dream was becoming more unpleasant for me. I learned more about myself through my dream, I woke, knowing that I now had a clearer understanding of who I am and the maturity to deal with my life challenges.*
Global warming is one of the biggest threats humans face in the 21st Century and sea levels are continuing to rise at alarming rates. What problems are associated with this and what are some possible solutions?  
  
In 21th century, human is confronted with the most menacing issue of greenhouse gasses, affecting the increase of sea level that undoubtedly frightened everyone. Reducing the size of continent lands is the major problem related to this phenomenon. however, controlling human populated in city as well as managing water flow are the possible solutions to be taken.  
  
Erosion of land by sea waters is at alarm stage which mainly resulted from the decrease size of ice continents and lack of plant absorbing water. The climate change increase the temperature in artic region which consequently increase amount of seawater of ocean. Then, seawater will overcome the seashores level and take away inch by inch every day. besides, the plants that hold the seawater on beach sides are outnumbered with body amount of water which keep flush away the lands. These have been demonstrated in artificial event in computer and have been lively recorded in decreasing of total size of land by scientist since early of this phenomenon.  
  
Therefore, all stakeholders in every corner of the world while attending General summit of G20 have offered 2 possible solutions, which are categorized as immediate plan to prevent the total loss of continents. Taking over the human congested in every city, which means as dividing the people equally in every city, not focusing people in particular cities only. For example, Jakarta, the most congested city of Indonesia, need to be managed on its human resources so that stabilizing land capacity would be done to reach its maximum limit. Besides, water management, such as, building dam and build reservoir across every city in the world, would be outstanding if it combines with human management. Most scientists from university of Harvard also agree that planning and executing to build water management should be involved in human management, which have been agreed by correspondence of their numerous researches regarding the most effective way to overcome the water rising caused by climate change.  
  
In conclusion, decrease size of lands is rising alert all over the world, while managing human resources as well as water are major solutions so far. It would be better if the cutting down of carbon emission is implemented to cut the cycle of global warming