dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
There is no need to attest to the reality of the topic provided for the discussion. There is no true or false question being asked so the writer need not respond to an unspoken or unwritten question. This is an unnecessary and score deductible part of the prompt restatement. If he had merely repeated the need to relocate for work without any additional opinions, then the restatement would have been based on the original presentation. It is important to understand that trying to increase the word count by altering the original topic presentation, in this instance by saying "indeed" when there was no need to reiterate a response since no question was being asked, will affect the score adversely and therefore, should not be done when restating a prompt. Respond only to clear questions being asked / included as a writing guide.  
  
The response paragraphs are incorrectly formatted. Since this is a single opinion presentation, a comparative discussion should  
be used to reinforce the writer's opinion over 2 paragraphs. That translates into the writer needing to disprove why benefits are actually drawbacks, or in this case, why an advantage is actually a disadvantage. The response format is:  
  
Sentence 1: Advantage  
Sentence 2: Supporting reason  
Sentence 3: Writer's point of view which is either supportive or opposing to the advantage presented  
Sentence 4: Supporting reason  
Sentence 5: Example to support the disadvantage  
  
Do this twice to create coherent and cohesive supporting discussion for the writer's opinion. Never deviate from the defense of the writer's point of view because that is the writing requirement. Do not compare and contrast 2 different reasons. Compare and contrast the reasons why one topic could be both and advantage and disadvantage instead. That is how this essay will receive the best major scoring considerations.  
  
It is recommended that  
This will be another major score deduction. Since the writer is not being asked to make recommendations for solutions, seeing as this is only a discussion and not a problem solving essay, he will be considered prompt deviant in the conclusion, which could very well lead to an automatic failing score since the writer has shown he is unable to follow the most basic writing instruction as provided in the original prompt and writing guide.
***Some education systems make student focus on certain subjects at the age of 15 while others require students to study a wide range of subjects until they leave school.  
  
## what are the benefits of each system? which is better?***  
  
Modern era has witnessed numerous innovations in education and myriads of attitudes towards it. Evidently, people arenow divergent whether specializing education systems or broader ones are better. Although both viewpoints maintain different justifications, concentrating on certain subjects is generally more benificial and necessary for students.  
  
Proponents of broad range of subjects may espouse the fostered comprehensive knowledge together with enhanced chances to find out desirable profession. To commence with, the exposure to a wide sphere of knowledge ranging from natural science to social one can inevitably engender students' profound information about various field. Therefore, they undoubtedly have better grasp of academic problems , yielding favorable outcomes for their future career. Another point is that, joining plentiful lessons of dissimilar subjects offer pupils opportunities to try out multitude of majors, enriching their choices in terms of suitable professions.  
  
Advocates of specialized education systems may argue for the enhanced social experience and boosted time to pursue future careers. To exemplify, fewer subjects are synomymous with fewer tests or exams, resulting in the students' more sacrifying time for other activities such as reading books, newspapers or play sport and expanding network circle. These non-academic activities tend to provides juveniles with large amount of precious social experience, rendering the increased ability to navigate social situations in future workplace. Additionally, with the more attention paid at preferred subjects realating to pursued career, students may lay themselves concrete foundation on their basic information of the field. Consequence includes potential capacity in terms of this pursuit can be considerably shaped at the early stage.  
  
In conclusion, I would prefer the specialized system due to the social experience and more time offered and claim that it relatively more essential and favorable for students.
Okay. The writer understands the subject of the discussion but did not provide the 3 explanatory statements as required by the presentation instruction. What makes it clear that this is a 3 paragraph essay? The following statement clearly indicates that need:   
  
what are the benefits of each system? which is better?  
There are 2 educational systems up for discussion at one explanatory paragraph each. The explanation of the writer's opinion is another separate explanatory paragraph. Each paragraph must be fully explained and convincing to the reader. With regards to the explanatory paragraphs for each system of education, the writer does not equally develop the explanation for each. The lack of discussion development usually presents itself with the second reason provided. It is sufficient to use only one reason or benefit explanation for each paragraph due to the number of paragraphs required. Just make sure to fully explain and support each reason presented.  
  
Presenting the writer's preferred learning method in the concluding paragraph could result in a failing test score since the requirement for the concluding paragraph is to summarize and conclude the discussion. The writer cannot present and explain his opinion in this paragraph due to that requirement. This essay will be considered incomplete upon submission due to the lack of a properly presented conclusion. Normally, the lack of a concluding paragraph results in a failing score. Remember, the scores are based on proper response formats. Simply using keywords to indicate a conclusion is not the same as developing a correctly formatted reverse paraphrase / concluding summary.  
  
These are the main reasons that this essay could have scoring problems. I have not even gotten started on the punctuation and other grammar related problems of the presentation.
Please give me some feedback. Thanks a lot!  
  
**The most important consideration when choosing any career or jobs is having a high income. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
At least once in a lifetime, everyone has to face the problem of choosing what is a good job and what are the indicators of a good job. Some people believe that having a high salary is the most important factor when picking a job. In my perspective, high-income jobs are not always the best, other aspects such as working conditions and the purpose of the job also needed to be considered.  
  
With the progress of society, people are more concerned about the working conditions when they choose a job. If the job requires the employee to work overtime and even no weekend break, they will likely quit the job soon. For example, a report from VTV, the national broadcast tv of Vietnam, reported that a third of graduated students tend to quit their 9 to 5 jobs within 6 months of apprenticeship because of the overtime work  
  
On the other hand, the meaning of the job is also crucial. Only when we find the purpose of the job, then we can go far and do good at it. A friend of mine graduated from a prestigious university and worked for a big bank quit his job after 4 years of relentlessly working hard because he felt like he was working as a robot and found no meaningful in his job.  
  
In conclusion, while money is essential when choosing a job, other aspects such as working conditions and the purpose of the job also need to be considered.
Please check my writing. Thank you, guys!  
  
The pie charts visually describe the percentage of males and females arrested in the period of five years ending 1994, and the bar chart illustrates a variety of recent causes for the arrest.  
  
In general, the percentage of males being jailed was higher than that of females. Moreover, most people were arrested because of public drinking.  
  
In the five years ending in 1995, there was nearly a third percent of men (32%) being arrested in the total number of people who committed crimes, whereas the number for women was at a much lower, about three and a half times lower, 9%. Moving on to the reasons for the arrest, we can clearly see that public drinking was the main reason why people were captured, with more than 30% in both genders.  
  
Other reasons such as breach of order, assault, and theft were around 10 to 20 percent. Furthermore, the proportion of females apprehended by drink-driving was around 15%, and the figures for males roughly doubled that of females. Also, some crimes that had no answer were around 5 percent in both sexes. Lastly, other reason not mentioned had a percentage of just under 20%.  
  
*
I would like to focus my review primarily on the summary overview presentation as this represents a large portion, actually the passing portion, of the task score. It is imperative that the summarized information is properly formatted to meet TA and C+C requirements as this is the scannable paragraph of the overall report.  
  
First up, there are 2 different images that are provided for the review. Since both images offer differing information targets, these cannot be presented as a connected sentence in the summary. Rather, these should be presented as stand alone sentences that use the correct connecting phrases to bridge the 2 sentences. The writer could have also shown more varied skills if he had indicated the information as covering half a decade, then indicating the actual years presented in a parenthesis to help clarify his meaning. It creates a more advanced sentence structure.  
  
The trending statement could use more clarity as well. There should be a separation or proper indicator as to which image is related to what information. Remember, this is still part of the summary overview. So a clearer summary presentation format could have been:  
  
Sentence 1: Main subject introduction  
Sentence 2: Image identifier + Trending Information  
Sentence 3: Image identifier + Trending Information  
Sentence 4: Transition sentence into the actual report / analysis paragraphs  
  
The aforementioned presentation allows for a coherent and cohesive summary presentation.  
  
in the period of five years ending 1994  
In the five years ending in 1995  
Information inconsistencies are present in the reports that will create confusion for the reader. He did not bother to double check his information for accuracy leading to a confusing paragraph presentation. The paragraph should also have been anchored onto an image identifier introduction for the first sentence. By the way, the paragraph needs to have a minimum of 3 sentences to qualify as a proper paragraph.
Hi! I'm working on my Barnard essays, and I am afraid that my essay is trivial. Should I rewrite it? The prompt:  
  
***Pick one woman - a historical figure, fictitious character, or modern individual - to converse with for an hour and explain your choice.  
## Why does this person intrigue you? What would you talk about? What questions would you ask them?

  
(300 words max)***  
  
In the 1960s, Katherine Johnson started to work at NASA as a mathematician, becoming one of the first women of color in the agency. Being a woman and a black person, she had to deal with sexism and racism from her colleagues daily, who were skeptical of Johnson's work. However, being a strong, brave, and highly talented person who easily overcame difficulties, Johnson quickly climbed the career ladder. She made a considerable contribution to such programs as Apollo 11 and Mercury (including the missions of Alan Shepard and John Glenn) and left her significant mark on space exploration.  
  
Katherine Johnson inspired me as a person interested in STEM after watching the famous movie "Hidden Figures" and studying her exceptional biography, filled with the struggle in career and life, hard work, and outstanding achievements. If I had the opportunity to have a conversation with Katherine for an hour, I would ask how she was able to achieve such a position in her career and society despite the difficulties and public rejection that accompanied her as a woman in science. Also, walking along the corridors of NASA, we would brainstorm various strategies for improving the world's achievements in space exploration and try to elaborate on answers to space-related questions that scientists have been facing for decades. Ultimately, I would ask her for advice for me and other girls who dream of becoming successful scientists, working in the space industry, and being strong leaders in their communities.
My opinion is that this statement can do with some revisions. For starters, the first paragraph needs to be better blended as an insightful and self - inspiring introduction to your interest in space science through an admiration for this person. That way more attention can be paid to the discussion and time spent with this person. Set up the meeting prior to the discussion of the questions you will be asking. For example, you could go back in time to one of her more notable missions, pick the one you are most interested in. Then ask relevant questions that will accomplish 2 things:  
  
1. Further introduce this historical character to the reader  
2. Allow the reviewer to understand how your interests and potential success in this field directly ties in with this inspirational person.  
  
The first paragraph does not really focus the essay on the applicant, which poses a problem since the reviewer will learn more about the historical figure rather than the applicant in relation to the figure. So that became a problem for this presentation.
## taxation and pollution

  
  
**SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT INCREASING TAX ON VARIOUS INDUSTRIES WILL REDUCE POLLUTION, WHEREAS OTHERS BELIEVE THAT THERE ARE BETTER ALTERNATIVE WAYS. DISCUSS BOTH THE VIEW AND GIVE YOUR OPINION.**  
  
Nowadays, many argue that increasing tax can be a good way to protect environment, while some alternative methods are thought to be better. In my opinion, taxation is the better solution than others due to its effectiveness.  
  
The case for that there are still better ways is related to the growth of using green energy such as wind, water, solar. These renewable resources make quite impact on the industry especially production facilities so that they encourage the business to become a green industry. Tesla, for instance, with the government sponsorship tends to become an eco-friendly business. However, this is a limited solution when developed nations with high technological level have method of producing energy from these resources, but not for developing countries and others.  
  
On the other hand, heavy taxing on the industries prevent enterprises from dumping waste into nature. This solution seems to make the companies change their product method from current practices to cleaner energy practices. In European Union, this approach is useful when enterprises are taxed at higher rates, which reduces how much carbon footprints come. Additionally, that industries are greener gain the support from government and public and also friendly environment.  
  
In conclusion, taxation is an effective solution for current situation; moreover, both approaches can consider to be mixed together to become a greater way in the future. In addition to, environment should be a government priority along with the attention from residents.
The prompt restatement inaccurately represents the first version of the topic presentation. There are no arguments provided, merely differeing opinions. So the writer exaggerated the essence of the original topic. Nobody is arguing about the topic. Rather, there are 2 different opinions presented and these should have been reflected without exaggeration through the writer's interpretation. As for the writer's opinion, he clearly indicated the side that he supported, but forgot to give a short explanation as to why he supports that opinion. That would have increased the clarity of his opinion and the task accuracy score as well.  
  
Using the comparative opinion discussion per paragraph would have helped the writer achieve better coherence and cohesiveness in his explanations. These would have both been considered properly and fully developed in terms of scoring had he chosen to do 2 things:  
  
1. Explain the reasons why the public supports an opinion.  
2. Give the reasons why he opposes / also supports the given opinion.  
  
In the case of the opinion he supports, he could have added personal insight after the public explanation, using the correct first person pronouns to help him achieve a better score in terms of C+C considerations. In this case, the essay is under developed and a bit confusing the understand since there are no correct pronouns being used in the essay. The lack of pronouns makes it difficult to understand if the writer is explaining a public opinion or, if he presenting his personal views of the given topic. The lack of pronoun consideration could very well affect his GRA score negatively.
You seems to overlook the clarity of your points. In the second parapraph, "these renewable...green industry" => in which way renewable resources can impact upon the industry. The example following the viewpoint is also repeats the preoccupying idea thus it creates the same issue, how government encourages Tesla become more eco-friendly ? You should add more support for these views by saying something like "With the authorities providing incentives and imposing enlightened policies, businesses are able to generate more profit and relived of the budern of potential legal issues.  
  
If you find the comment is helpful, please give me a like, wish you the best and achieve your bandscore !
## **The two maps below show an island, before and after the construction of some tourist facilities.**

  
*Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.*  
  
The two maps present an overview on how the island has changed in the aspect tourist facilities.  
Overall, it can be deducted from a quick glance that a lot of tourist facilities, ranging from accommodation, operational buildings like a restaurant or a reception have popped up. Despite all of the man-made changes, a good job of preserving the natural features is noticeable.  
  
The first thing that can be taken from the two maps is an enormous change in on-land buildings. Forming in groups in the left and middle part of the island are tourist housing. Between them lies a restaurant and a reception.  
  
Footpaths and vehicle tracks form around those main buildings provide ways of traveling around the island. A pier has also been built in the small bay just on the bottom of the island  
  
Third of all, besides from the beach being purposed as a swimming spot, the rest of the island, considering nature, remains unchanged.  
  
*   
*the two maps*
The immediate thing that hit me upon scanning this report is that the writer does not know how to count. He went from "The first thing" to "Third of all" without having passed through second. What happened there? I have not even considered the icorrect grammar references to the chronological order of the presentations at this point. That is another severe writing mistake that this writer cannot overcome. Was it a case of not proof reading the document before considering it final? This is why it is imperative that the writer's get into the habit of reviewing and editing their work before submission. Do not use all 20 minutes just writing, nor should one use less than 20 minutes and submit without reviewing the paper. These are the main reasons why the papers tend to get automatic failing scores. Some shortcomings in the presentation are just too obvious to ignore so proper deductions have to be applied.  
  
The writer also does not use complete paragraphs for the later presentations. There are only 2 sentences written for some sections, which cannot be considered complete paragraphs since these do not have the mandatory 3-5 sentence requirement present. All combined, the essay is weakly written and shows that the writer is not capable of properly writing an academic paper in English.
## pros and cons of uniforms at schools

  
  
In the contemporary decades, there were controversies about the students' dress code when going to school. Meanwhile, several schools have rigidity in wearing uniforms, others have loose surveillance about it. In general, this regulation brings about both merits and demerits and this essay will discuss these aspects.  
  
To begin with, it can be seen that there are numerous benefits of compliance with school outfits. Firstly, The specific dress code may diminish the wealth gap and promote general equality. Living in an epoch where social positions constantly intertwine, uniforms will standardize all in a certain framework. This can make rich pupils not follow expensive brand-name clothes, and simultaneously, students who are in impoverished circumstances don't feel self-deprecating. Secondly, school uniforms can create an identity and make it easier to recognize. Institutions can readily manage their pupils through their uniforms. For instance, if strangers go to the school with negative intentions, staff will easily recognize and prevent them, or in a chaotic crowd of competition, uniforms will become the signature for identifying certain participants coming from what institution. Besides that, school clothes not only can create formality in school but also avoid cases in that students wear inappropriate costumes: short skirts, tight tops, or bright-colored hairstyles.  
  
On the contrary, adopting rigorous regulations results in students can't express their own styles. Following strict attire rules will make pupils not have the right to select their favorite outfits or show their aesthetic tastes. As a consequence, plenty of them will feel frustrated because of not being in freedom of choice. What is more, some uniforms can lead to inconvenience to the pupils since a number of school outfits are unsuitable for outdoor activities. A noteworthy example is the "ao dai" - a traditional costume of VietNam and also uniforms of every high school female - occasionally causes discomfort when moving, and at the same time, danger when driving.  
  
In conclusion, regardless of the disadvantages of uniforms' obligations in some schools, I strongly believe that the pros of dress code surpass its cons.