dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Good discussion. The reasons are well developed. Proper examples via explanations are used, and the follow up explanations stay on point, creating a stronger reasoning paragraph with every presentation. However, the essay still has problems that need to be addressed.  
  
You are not showing any vocabulary range by constantly using the term "women" in the presentation. You should vary it by using other reference words such as ladies, gentlewoman, miss, or misses (plural of miss). Also, you need to recognize words that repeat meaning, these are called redundancies. Counter - intervention is an example of this redundancy. To counter means to alter or change. To intervene is to come between things to effect change. Change being the redundant meaning between the two words. Additionally, don't use the term "sex" to refer to the identity of the person. Use "gender" instead and follow up by using gender based pronouns in your presentation to help you score better in the GRA section.  
  
While your opening paraphrase meets the 3 sentence minimum requirement, you did not do the same thing for your concluding paragraph. It should also contain 3 sentences minimum in the presentation. The error there was that you decided to use a run-on sentence in the first sentence rather than separating it into 2 separate sentences, which is the proper format for that particular thought process presentation.
Hello friends.. Please kindly review my writing.  
  
## Increasing number of overweight people

  
  
**In some countries, the average of weight of people is increase and their level of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the cause of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?**  
  
Eating habit in many nations are the key factors of citizenry who are getting heavier. This affects on the low level of health issues. Rising tax for fast food and subsidies organic food are the governmental action, which might be the prominent solution to tackle the problem.  
  
More and more people in developing countries were deal with health crisis and improving the overweight case. Why would this happen? Undoubtedly, sedentary lifestyle, like consuming processed food becomes popular part of modern life due to affordable price and taste scrumptiously. Moreover, fresh food and vegetable were uneconomical. 55% of residents in Thailand cannot afford healthy food and they were gaining their weight because they consume high amount of innutritious diet, such as pizza. They do not only suffer from the obesity but also other malignant disease, like blood pressure and fatty liver disease.  
  
Imposing higher excise and lower the cost of healthy food are the best alternative to scheme unhealthy eating habit in society. In accordance with those scheme, people have a tendency to process their proper meals with organic ingredients because the price were lower and junk food becomes unaffordable. Moreover, they can guarantee the hygiene of the food. Most of wealthy country, like England and America were establish those regulation since a decade to encourage people start their healthy lifestyle. Therefore, in 2020, the number of obesity decreased dramatically in both countries.  
  
In conclusion, government should be able to implement a high tax along with inexpensive healthy diet to help people who cannot purchase fruits and vegetables in their life, and as an alternative, they only eat junk food in order to saturate their primary needs.
Please evaluate and give a band score to my essay. Thank you in advance.  
  
***The importance of biodiversity is being more widely recognised as increasing numbers of species come under threat.*  
What can be done to maintain biodiversity?**  
  
=======  
  
As the disappearance of numerous species has become quite alarming, many people are being aware of the current imbalanced biodiversity. The causes are many: overgrazing, logging, intensive farming and even strip mining. This leads to a serious question: what people should do to maintain a functioning ecosystem as it used to be? This essay will discuss possible solution to this problem.  
  
To begin with, one of the key factors that contributes to the biodiversity is the various of species themselves. By preserving their genetic diversity, people could study their attributes in order to design proper habitats and to protect them from predators or other impacts caused by climate change. In fact, many scientists and governments have implemented such projects namingly captive breeding and introducing endangered species to the wild. Many wildlife animals and plants have been saved from the edge of extinction thanks to this method. However, it requires modern technology, which could be a burden to under-developing and even developing countries.  
  
Another practical approach to this problem is that governments should pay proper attention to protecting wildlife species. Governments should enact policies regulating the exploitation and manufacturing process of companies that are making use of natural resources. In addition, restraining rules on the use of non-renewable should also be enforced so that degradation of natural resources could be preventable. Take the mangrove swamp in some tropical climate regions as an example. If it had not been for the governments' effort in stopping indiscriminate logging, these species could have been seriously damaged, which could lead to a serial consequence relating to both land and forest quantity and quality.  
  
To conclude, possible solutions suggested in this essay are preservation and protection and, above all, the latter seems to be more beneficial.
You have good understanding and able to present relevant solution, but In your introduction paragraph you mentioned several factors, which not all factors were describe in the body paragraph. I think it is better to mention 2 factors and 2 possible solutions related to the factors in your introduction paragraph to help reader simply understand the whole essay. Moreover, to make a better conclusion, u might try to paraphrase your introduction paragraph and as an optional choice, you are able to write any prediction or recommendation in your conclusion.
## Births and deaths - history and prediction for the future

  
  
**The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
The graph compares data in New Zealand in terms of the variation in the birth and death percentages in the years 1901 and 2101.  
  
Overall, the birth proportion increased dramatically from the beginning to the near middle of the period and declined gradually since then, while the death percentage showed a steady but significant rise almost over the period and will possibly outtake death rate.  
  
With only around 20% in 1901, the birth rate illustrated a rapid growth and hit a high-point of about 64%. It then experienced a relatively huge fluctuation until 2041. Finally, the birth rate is predicted to show a steady downward trend from 2061 to 2101.  
  
In the meantime, the percentage of death (around 9%) is lower than the birth (around 20%) in 1901. However, instead of demonstrating fluctuations, it underwent a distinct continued growth of 18% and will even jump from around 27% to almost 59% between 2021 and 2061. Moreover, it is estimated that it will only drop by 3% at the end of the period.  
  
**Hello Mr. Holt I wrote my Task 1 again and I did remember the mistakes that I have been told. Please let me know what are the mistakes that I should avoid while describing a line graph and is there any mistake with my writing skills that I should also avoid? Thank you.**  
  
*
You should not have written 207 words for this task. Since it is only a 20 minute task, the advisable word count is anywhere from 175-190 words. Focus on the editing of the content of the essay, not the length. If you focus on the length, you will make mistakes that will affect your final score or run out of time for editing. As it is, the main problem of this essay is the paragraph formatting. The basic requirement is 3-5 sentences per paragraph, without run-on sentences. Your paragraphs are mostly comprise of 1 or 2 sentences, well under the minimum requirement. That means each paragraph is grammatically incorrect as you are presenting run-on sentences instead of a mix of simple and complex sentences per paragraph.  
  
Additionally, long paragraphs tend to create difficult to follow explanation patterns as you are using more commas instead full stops to separate your thoughts per sentence. Use a mix of punctuation marks as well to kick up your scores. Showing your writing formality through the use of periods, commas, semi-colons, among other punctuation marks would help you do that. Read other writing samples to see how that is done.  
  
Word clarity is also important in your essay. So, rather than saying "instead of demonstrating...", the sentence would have been clearer with one simple word change, "instead of showing". Since you are doing a formal report based on accurate measurements, you should also avoid using probable terms such as "almost 59 percent" and "relatively huge". Just say what you mean, based on the verified information from the chart.  
  
You do not have a clear trending statement in the presentation. Learn to use verbal cues to indicate the clear start of a trending statement such as "The foreseeable trend is..." or "Based on the information, fluctuations in... show that the direction/movement/tendency..." , to show you but a few other verbal cues for "trending statement" in your presentation. You also forgot to indicate the measurement process in the summary overview (thousands). There is also the problem of your year reference, it should have indicated a "decade on decade measurement" starting from 1901, ending in 2001. Remember, the summary overview should also have at least 3 sentences. Just divide the overview of information presented in the chart to achieve that.  
  
Try to compress your presentation. This should only be a 3 paragraph presentation. 4 paragraph presentations are for the Task 2 essay discussions.
Hi, i have read your work and want to give you some feedback.  
  
- hit a high-point of about 64% => hit a peak/peaked at 64%  
- It then experienced a ... until 2041 => I think you should use future tense for this period since it's only 2020 ;)  
- instead of demonstrating fluctuations => the percentage of death does not demonstrate anything, it is demonstrated on the chart. You are using a wrong verb here  
  
Besides, when describing a trend, you can use different subject instead of repeating "the birth/death rate". Try: The period from X to Y witnessed a/an [adj] increase/decrease/fall/rise... in the birth/death rate, with its figure being Z%.  
  
Good luck
## Statistics on library borrowings

  
  
Question: The chart bellow gives information about library borrowing in UK public libraries during a 10-year period from 1995 to 2005.  
  
The bar chart illustrates the number of the library borrowing in United Kingdom communal libraries over ten year between 1995 and 2005.  
  
It can be seen that top audio visual material has the trend to increase dramatically from twenty-eight million to sixty million during the ten year. However, there is a tendency of children's books which is one hundred and seven million in 1995 slightly decreased ,which is one hundred and four million in 2005. Meanwhile, adult fiction which borrowed by three hundred and thirty in 1995, conspicuously fall by hundred million to two hundred and thirty million in this ten year period. Simultaneously, it happened that adult non-fiction plumps to merely one hundred and ten million ,which originally represented one thousand and one hundred thirteen million in 1995. In nutshell, overall it existed the large gap between the ten year that people who borrowed the stuffs from libraries are willing to borrow more in 1995 rather than in 2005.  
  
*
The format of your presentation is incorrect. You must present 3 paragraphs in a task 1 essay. The paragraphs are composed of the following:  
  
Par. 1: Summary overview = type of image, measurement type, information listing, trending statement  
Par. 2: Analysis paragraph - Comparison of information, similarities, progression of figures ( slant up / slant down), other information  
Par. 3: Trending analysis - mid-range trend (middle of the decade), final projection over the ten year period, reasons for this projection.  
  
When you are citing figures in the millions, use numerical presentations for ease of reading on the examiner's part. For lower figures in the double digits, use the word form. Once you reach the hundreds upward, use numbers instead.  
  
You have to separate your information into paragraph forms, as I showed you in the per paragraph format above. Make sure to have 3-5 sentences in the presentation. The content I provided you with can be discussed in any order within the paragraph. Just make sure to present the information as required.
Hello @VENESSA  
  
As an English learner, I just found some mistakes in your essay and would like to give you my comment.  
  
1. has the trend to increase dramatically Here you could write experienced an dramatically increasing trend instead.  
  
2. ... children's books which is one ... decreased ,which is one hundred ... I think the whole sentence is too long and you should separate them into different sentences.  
  
Good lucks,
## changes observed in the period of three years

  
  
Please evaluate my writing and give it a band score if possible. I'm aiming for band 8.0. Thank you in advance!  
  
The maps illustrate how the road leading to the city hospital changed after a 3-year period from 2007 to 2010.  
  
Overall, it can be observed from the maps that after only 3 years, the city hospital became more approachable than it was in the past since more facilitators including a bus station, two roundabouts and separate car parks were placed there. The Ring Road circling the hospital was the only infrastructure that remained unchanged over the investigated period.  
  
In 2007, citizens who commuted to the hospital by public means of transport could use six different bus stops standing along the Hospital Road which led straight to the hospital. Meanwhile, people travelling by private vehicles could make use of the car park on the East side of the Hospital Road.  
  
After 3 years, two roundabouts were constructed to connect the City Road, the Hospital Road and the Ring Road. The old bus stops were relocated to the West side of the Hospital Road and can be accessed via both roundabouts. In addition, instead of parking at a same site with other citizens, hospital laborers had their own parking lot, which took place on the right side of the Ring Road and right next to the hospital, while others still took advantage of the old one.  
  
*
Sadly, you are aiming too high with your scoring ambition. Your work is only good for a 4 because you are not accurately describing the contents of the illustrative diagram. You are incorrectly using terms, inaccurately describing positions, and not really focusing on proper descriptions for the two maps.  
  
For starters, these are not just maps. These are two illustrative maps. Be clear about the number of comparison images there are. There are no "facilitators" in the map. A facilitator is defined as; a person or persons who are responsible for leading or coordinating the work of a group, as one who leads a group discussion. Deduct a point for incorrect vocabulary usage under the LR score.  
  
In 2007, you claim that there are 6 bus stops, there are no bus stops available as per the map. Only parking areas exist at that time for the public and employee use. Therefore, there is no old bus stop to be relocated in the new presentation. Rather, a bus stop was finally added and the parking slots for public and employee use were separated.  
  
You have improperly analyzed the map from beginning to end. You also have other errors in this essay which will result in a low score. You are nowhere near ready for an 8 score at this point. Aim lower. Go for a 5 first. Then work your way up from there. The errors I presented here are the ones that will have a direct impact on your final score.  
  
You have also written too many words for a Task 1 essay. The aim is to write between 175-190 words only. You are being overly descriptive, which is why you made serious errors in the presentation. You will not be able to write 214 words within a 20 minute essay where you need to double check for reporting accuracy, proper word usage, sentence errors, and other content issues. You should be writing less but describing more. There should only be 3 paragraphs in this presentation, not 4. A 4 paragraph essay indicates a task 2 response. You are not writing an opinion essay, just a direct reporting paper. You do not need 200 plus words to do that.
Your feedback means a lot to me🙏  
  
Question :  
***Many people believe that we should protect all wild animals while others believe we should just protect some of them**.*  
## Discuss both views and give your opinion.

  
  
Although some community supports that all wild animals should be preserved as to broaden human's knowledge, others argue not to preserve certain ones posing threat to humans.  
  
The proposition might claim that the protection of all wild animals could strengthen human's knowledge about the lives of such animals. This happens when all wild animals exist, human could understand each of this species' behaviour and the interaction to their kin, in which they can eventually exploit that insight to solve people's problems. A lion, the beast wild animals living in Forest, very often successfully catches their prey by working in a group, for example. Such behaviour could teach human about the advantage of solving problem together when being confronted with complex issue. Therefore, through conservation area, all of these wild animals could sustain their lives.  
  
However, the opposite would argue that society should exclude certain wild animals, posing threat to human's lives. That is to say that, unlike the species of wild herbivore having no interest to injure human or sometimes avoiding people to save their lives, the wild beast such as tiger considers human as their prey and potentially kill them due to its nature as a carnivore. Eventually, society would live under the fear of unwanted attack from such animals. A Local News in India reported that the male tiger from deep forest, entering the small village at night, killed the boy. Such incident occurred when the boy walked and suddenly the tiger pounced this boy from behind. Thus, there would be no use of protecting such animals due to its threat to human.  
  
In conclusion, I think that preserving all wild animals would be necessary, since there will be much useful insight being discovered once people study about their lives. However, society could improve the protection system to avoid such wild animal attack.
You should not avoid using personal pronouns in this type of essay. You should be using this opportunity to show the reviewer your GRA abilities by using personal singular and group pronouns in the appropriate places. That way you show the examiner that you are capable of properly using the English writing rules in your writing. In this case, the first and second public points of view must be represented by group pronouns to indicate whose opinion is being discussed in the paragraph.  
  
You failed to add your personal opinion as the 3rd reasoning paragraph in this essay. You must not be presenting it as a sentence in your concluding paragraph. That is never done. You should be fully explaining your opinion, based upon the proper consideration of the reasons presented by the previous 2 discussion points.  
  
You will definitely get a failing score in the TA section because you changed the original prompt discussion in your paraphrase. You changed the topic, the reasons, and other points because you decided to exaggerate on the given discussion by including reasons and discussion basis which were never part of the original. You will be seen as altering the original discussion so the total essay presentation is no longer connected to the original discussion presented. Hence, the failing TA score for this essay, which may result in an overall failing score for your presentation after all your other errors are considered.
## standardized English examinations

  
  
In the recent years,the number of school students decide on joining standardized English examinations like TOEFL, IELTS or TOEIC is on the increase.From my point of view,there are several reasons for this trend.  
  
First and foremost,beyond the shadow of the doubt,taking standardized English examinations may evaluate accurately your English proficiency.By virtue of comprising qualified and adequate tests of essential skills of learning English,students may find it easy to check their English proficiency in order to set their goal to improve the score.Besides,standardized English examinations like TOEFL, IELTS or TOEIC are objective and have a certain reliability.Therefore,there is no need to worry about the unfairness and cheating  
  
Another cause for this trend is that it is an important and necessary step in the process of applying for your study abroad.Nowadays,most of the universities all over the world require a certificate to verify students' English level.Consequently,having successfully taken standardized English examinations,students are able to apply to study in many international schools such as: Harvard,Oxford or Stanford.  
  
Last but not least,it will be an advantage when students apply for a job.It receives worldwide acclaim that English is one of the most popular language;therefore,It is indubitable that being able to speak English is clue to career success and considered to be a valuable asset to any job;which means that you are required to take standardized English examination.  
  
In conclusion,there is a variety of causes explained for the tendency of taking standardized English examination.It is important for students to take part in those English examination so as to achieve their goals in their life.
I think your last idea should be clarified more, taking a standardized test do not help you in your career but it is having a high score in those tests that does help you.  
  
Besides, in my opinion, some parts of your essay are wordy as if you wanted to showcase your vocab so you added as many fancy words and phrases as possible.  
  
There are some grammatical mistakes in your essay:  
- school students who decide  
- such as Harvard, Oxford and Stanford.  
- those English examinations