dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Thuy, is this essay for a research paper, English class, or English test? Please let me know if this is an ordinary research paper or IELTS, TOEFL, or some other test and add the prompt for it as well. Right now, I'll just give you a general review of your problem points. You should make sure that your word usage is clear and relative to the meaning you wish to convey. For example, you confuse the reader when you say "women synonym". To a native English speaker, the phrase does not make sense. It causes stress because the reader cannot figure out what you want to say in the sentence. This affects the whole paragraph and, when the confusing term is repeatedly used, affects the overall message and understanding of the essay. Other examples of this problem in the essay are, "The economy have a little relative side to biology...", "Human distinct is going forward", to name a few more examples of the problem. You also should pay particular attention to your spelling, specially of historical names such as Madam Curie, not Cuty. The other grammar errors are negligible when you consider the more serious problems of the essay. I hope to see grammar improvements from you as you progress with your practice tests.
Hi..  
I would like give you suggestion for your essay.  
  
... female performance and it ~~unintentional~~ (unintentionally) creates a barrier for women and ~~limit~~ (limits) their ability.  
  
The adjective unintentional is modifying creates instead of a noun or pronoun. Use an adverb to modify a verb, adjective, or other adverb.  
  
It appears that the subject pronoun it and the verb limit are not in agreement. Consider changing the verb.  
  
Thank you
**These days, too many people maintain their health by relying doctors and medicines, rather than following a healthy lifestyle.  
to what extent do you agree with the statement ?**  
  
## be your own doctor

  
  
In the cutting-edge era, most people deem that it is better for themselves to maintain their healthy condition by implementing a healthy lifestyle than consulting with their doctors or consuming certain medicines. I hold an opinion that keeping fit needs a collaboration between medicine consumption and doctor's advice.  
  
It is undeniable that medical practitioners have a pivotal role for maintaining health in society. Albeit people could manage healthy by themselves, the advent of doctors is still important to give health supports for the patients. In fact, every single patient has certain unique conditions in which they have to consider an appropriate method of healthy lifestyle to be implemented. For instance, it could be harmful when someone who suffers anemia limiting red meats consumptions due to healthy lifestyle. The lifestyle instead deteriorates their body resulting in detrimental effects because of lack of irons and minerals. Irons is essential for human body especially for anemic people. Consulting a proper lifestyle first with a doctor will be paramount so that the people could know what a suitable diet instead of decreasing the amount of irons nutrients  
  
On the other hand, even though a healthy lifestyle could encourage people to be fit, the advent of non-essential vitamin, minerals, and other medicines is imperative for supporting health condition. Not all of healthy foods and beverages has a wide range of nutritions, instead the supplements could make a daily intake in balance way. it is known that a few vegetables contains vitamin B, furthermore, the people could consumpt the vitamin from other sources to meet a daily requirements. Consequently, a healthy lifestyle could be achieved optimally.  
  
In conclusion, it seems plausible that the people do not solely rely a healthy lifestyle to maintain their body to become health. The medical advice advice is still important to be considered for achieving a appropriate lifestyle owing to fact that each person has different means of healthy lifestyle. Moreover, consumpting supplements such as vitamins and minerals is indispensable dealing with shortage of nutrition
Reza, was the topic prompt that you provided complete? I mean, did you cut and paste the actual instructions or did you post a shortened version of the prompt when you submitted your essay for review? The reason that I ask is because the discussion that you followed for the essay does not meet the stated requirements of the prompt. You did a comparison essay when you should have been writing a one sided, opinion essay in response to the prompt. That is why I am not so sure that the prompt requirement that you submitted is complete. More so, that is also the reason why I feel confused by the way that you wrote your response. There are a number of aspects, such as the comparison between a healthy lifestyle compared to doctors and medicine that leave me questioning the validity of your prompt. As such, the essay that you wrote does not successfully represent a persuasive essay, which is the type of essay that you were expected to provide based upon the prompt requirements. If these are the actual prompt requirements that is. Please post the original prompt. Cut and paste it into the response window to satisfy my curiosity. I want to make sure that I give you the most accurate review of your essay based upon the prompt requirements. Thanks.
@rozhnaz  
Hi ! you have an amazing idea but also have problems.Firstly,t is undeniable that medical practitioners have a pivotal role for maintaining health in society. Albeit people could manage healthy by themselves, the advent of doctors is still important to give health supports for the patients. In fact, every single patient has certain unique conditions in which they have to consider an appropriate method of a healthy lifestyle to be implemented. For instance, it could be harmful when someone who suffers anemia limiting red meats consumptions due to a healthy lifestyle. The lifestyle instead deteriorates their body resulting in detrimental effects because of lack of irons and minerals. Irons is essential for human body, especially for anemic people. Consulting a proper lifestyle first with a doctor will be paramount so that the people could know what a suitable diet instead of decreasing a number of irons nutrients .i did correct for you so try another best work
Hi  
I would like give you suggestions for your essay  
  
It is known that a few vegetables ~~contains~~ (contain) vitamin B, furthermore, the people could ~~consumpt~~ (consume) the vitamin from other sources to meet ~~a daily requirements~~ (daily requirements).  
  
The singular verb contains does not appear to agree with the plural subject a few vegetables. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.  
  
The word consumpt is not in our dictionary. If you're sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.  
  
The indefinite article a may not be required with the plural noun requirements in this sentence. Consider removing the article, or changing the noun to singular.  
  
Thank you
IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - Hi! I am practicing on IELTS Writing.  
  
**Nowadays, people get information through news and papers, but meanwhile are uncertain about the truth of these news.**  
  
*Should we believe the journalists?  
  
What qualities should a good journalist or correspondent have?*  
  
## Legit and fake stories

  
  
Today, mass media provide a lot of information for society through newspapers and electronic news yet the validity is still doubted. This essay will discuss about how far people can trust the journalists and what credibility a journalist should have.  
  
It is undeniable that journalism activity has delivered a vast information to society. However, people should not totally believe the information or news that is delivered by journalists. It is because today there are a lot of competition among those journalistic workers to reach the best rating view or to be the fastest to provide news. Because of the competition, they then tend to do everything including manipulating the data to make the information sound more sensational or delivering the information as fast as they can without doing deep observation and interview to ensure the validity of the data. It results in the invalidity of the data and information they spread to people.  
  
Every kind of profession requires certain qualities, so does journalism. The fundamental characteristics that journalists should have are being neutral and independent. Journalistic workers should be neutral and should not take a side of any group. By doing so, they can cover both sides and looking at any angles of a phenomenon before presenting it into the news form. Moreover, they should be independent from any pressure and interest of any group so they can be free to report any occurance and fact as it is without intervense from any party.  
  
To conclude, people should clarify the rightness of an information and should not totally trust what journalists report. Furthermore, a good correspondent should have independency and neutrality in accomplishing their task.
@ainunazwaria  
In my opinion, you've already made clear task response in your introductory paragraph.  
But, moving into the second and the third paragraph, I think it is not strong enough to support your idea.  
My suggestion, you can example in the second paragraph based on the case that you've told.  
Then, before moving into the third paragrph, you can create a transitional sentence to deliver a smooth transition.  
  
PS: how much band score you want to get?
@ainunazwaria  
Well, maybe I can give you some suggestion:  
  
1. Since it's the 2 type questions, you can answer directly the first question on the second paragraph and the second question on the third paragraph. But, it will be better if you can make a good transition between the paragraph, remember it is an essay. The main purpose of essay is to persuade the reader.  
  
2. You can also improve your lexical resources/vocabularies. Try to use specific vocabularies for each topic. It will increase your band score on lexical resources. You can google it for specific vocabularies for each topic.  
  
3. Try to use more advance cohesive devices, if you notice the band 9 score on the band descriptor you'll see this criteria.  
  
Good luck.
Ainun, your opening statement would have been made stronger if you had immediately acknowledged your response to the question as to whether journalists should be trusted or not. After all, that was one of the main points for discussion presented in the prompt. So the overview of your response should have been included in the paraphrased question accompanied by the outline of your discussion in the opening statement. This would have made the rest of the discussion your essay stronger and better supported by the opening statement. In the qualities that a good journalist should have, you forgot to include the most important quality which is, journalists should be reliable when it comes to fact-checking their information before publication. Don't forget that the reports of journalists today are in question because of the advent of fake news so that would actually have been the strongest quality that could have been discussed in your essay. It would have also helped to increase your lexical resource score because you would have used the term "fact checking" in the correct manner in your essay.
@ainunazwaria  
  
Hi! I am learning IELTS too so I do not have so many experiences, but I can give you some advice. first of it ,you have grammatical problem  
  
It is undeniable that journalism activity has ...  
It was not it is  
  
Every kind of profession requires certain qualities, so does journalism not profession professional  
using more words is the best way to get maximum score. try to use consequently , therefore.
**TOPIC: Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## Huge chain stores vs small, local shops

  
  
It can be seen commonly in many parts of the world nowadays that rapid growth of super markets are affecting local businesses. Some people are of the opinion that this phenomenon would be a threat to the existence of local communities. While I agree that it would cause some level of damage to the existing domestic businesses and thus the local society, I also believe some would still be able to survive amid this increasing pressure.  
  
To begin with, undoubtedly , large scale multi-national supermarkets pose a great threat to livelihood of many community businesses. Firstly, many people , nowadays, opt for buying products and services from super markets due to their attractive marketing strategies, better customer care services and appealing outlook of the products. Consequently, many local markets are losing many of their regular customers as they are unable to face this increased competition.  
  
Secondly, many locals are finding new employment opportunities at large industries with attractive salary and many other benefits. This also causes much damage to the local product manufacturers as they are unable to find skilled labor to run their businesses.  
  
However, some small scale industries have been able to survive despite the pressure being created by large scale businesses. The most important reason is that many native people still prefer to buy locally made products owing to their high quality and low price. And they have been using these product for a long time and thus they are well aware about usability and durability etc. For instance, many Sri Lankan made costumes are still the best choice among Sri Lankan community as they are made of high quality materials and to suit the weather conditions in Sri Lanka. The other reasons is that local product sellers are finding easy marketing methods on the internet which can reach much wider audience for a low price. For instance , many community business are now using Facebook, Twitter, Google to raise people's understanding about various local product offerings , their prices and quality . As a result, those industries are now attracting more and more local and international customers than they did before.  
  
In conclusion, although it is true that growth of supermarkets are increasingly becoming a threat to the domestic markets , some local industries are still in existence owing to new cheap marketing strategies and strong local customer base. Therefore , I am not convinced that growth of big business would bring about the extinction of local business and the community.
Kapila, when you are asked to write this sort of essay, it is important that you follow the prompt. That is, you either have to agree or disagree with the statement. You cannot be in agreement with both sides. This essay instruction is quite clear about it, only one side must be presented in the discussion throughout. So this means that while you mention both sides in the paraphrased introduction, you will need to end that paragraph with a clear statement about your agreement or disagreement with the presentation. From that point, the essay should only justify your opinion of the matter. The succeeding paragraphs need to present a clear line of thinking and relevant evidence either from personal experience or knowledge, that will help to further strengthen your stance. Remember, this sort of essay is meant to test you analytical discussion skills. That is why you are being asked to take one side of the issue to defend. Therefore, your essay does not meet the prompt requirements and as such, would not get a passing task accuracy score. That in turn, will endanger the possibility of you passing the test. Your current essay discussion would only work in a discuss both opinions with personal opinion statement, which this is not.
**These days, too many people maintain their health by relying on doctors and medicine, rather than by following a healthy lifestyle.  
To what extent do you agree with this statement?  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.**  
  
## People are too lazy to be healthy

  
  
Nowadays, people tend to ignore the way of healthy life and both medical treatments and practitioners are used by them to manage their health. Personally, I agree with the former statement because nowadays people occupations are mostly worker which are very busy with their businesses and choose the easiest way for their daily life such as consume fast food and lack of exercise, so it is clearly that the dependency of people to the doctors and medicine is increase rather than following the way of healthy life.  
  
Focusing on the job is one of the crucial factors that causing people does not have much time to maintain their daily routines such as food consumption and less exercise and it becomes a new bad habit for them. Consuming fast food is chosen as the best alternative because the simplicity and they can consume anywhere and anytime while sitting for several hours to finish their job. Consequently, they suffer some serious illnesses such as diabetes because the accumulation of saturation fat on fast food and lack of exercise.  
  
To overcome the problems, doctors and medical treatments are the best solution for them to manage even cure their illnesses. What the common fact they do is hire nutritionists to maintain their food while they still lack of exercise. People also go to the doctor if they will suffer and get prescription to buy some medicine to make their body fit.  
  
Taking everything into consideration, albeit doctors and medical treatments help people who suffer illnesses and help them to maintain their lifestyle such as food and keep body health, avoid unhealthy lifestyle is the most important preventive action to cope up with health problems.
For me, your ideas look like scattered all over the place. You are in dire need of an improvement, particularly in terms of structuring your paragraph into a proper and appropriate format. First, composing a bulky paragraph should be avoided in order to make your essay as clear as possible. Take your introduction paragraph as an example, Don't you realize that it was ONLY 2 sentences with very-long-and-confusing statement? Avoid making a very-long-but-inaccurate sentence to improve the clarity of your essay. You need to remember that clarity is a MUST. Let me help you fixing your introduction paragraph in the detailed descriptions below.  
  
~~Nowadays, people tend to ignore the way of healthy life (...) lack of exercise, so it is clearly that the dependency of people to the doctors and medicine is increase rather than following the way of healthy life.~~  
  
*These days, people have a tendency to ignore a healthy lifestyle, and they prefer to depend on health specialists and medicines to maintain their health. However, I firmly agree with the notion because of the annually increasing obesity rate in the world proves it. This essay will discuss how majority of occupations and lack of exercises can cause this problem to occur.*
Reza, your opening statement is confusing because you did not structure the first sentence coherently. You should have used the words "in favor of" when referring to the choice of people to go to doctors and take medicines instead of changing their lifestyle. Sometimes, all it takes is the correct phrase to clear up any confusion in a sentence. That is the case with your opening statement. If you set the opening sentence properly, then the confusion could have been easily avoided. Personally, I understood what you had to say in the successive paragraphs because, while there was a little stress in reading your paragraphs, you somehow got the message across to the reader. Like I said, it was only your opening statement that created the confusion. The rest of the essay really came very close to providing coherent and cohesive details of your opinion. This is not a bad first attempt at writing a Task 2 essay. Keep practicing and we will keep helping you improve your writing skills.
Please help me to asses my writing, thank you  
  
## 3D technology during 2005 to 2012

  
  
The given line graph illustrates the number of screen especially 3D cinema while the bar chart depicts the number of movies that release (live action and animation) during 2005 to 2012. At the first glance, the increase in 3D screens worldwide are marked by the raise of 3D film releases and both of them have an upward trend.  
  
It can be seen clearly that the number of screens especially 3D cinema stood at approximately below 1,000 in the end of 2005 and was going to increase gradually to just over 2,000 in the last 2008. The most interesting fact is that between 2009 and 2011, there was a sharp increase in 3D screens from 5,000 to almost 40,000 and they reached a peak at the end of 2012.  
  
Moreover, the trend of bar graph had a similar trend with the line graph. Animation films in 3D began at 2005 which had 2 films release until 2007. Between 2008 and 2012, the animation started to increase gradually from 5 to just over 20 movies release. On the other hand, 3D live action film became well-known during 2009 to 2012 and these were soaring from 20 to just over 70 respectively.  
  
*
The details below are the assessment of your essay. Please take a closer look on them.  
  
**Task Achievement**  
- It is quite unfortunate that you haven't written the appropriate overview for the task and therefore, you can only obtain 5 for this part. Grammatical error (it should be in past form) since the overview sentence and 'too general' information by simply stating 'an increase' and 'upward trend' also take a part in dragging down your score. It is also unfortunate that you forgot to mention 'Live action' eventually surpassed 'animation'. This is I think the information that is essential and should be written in the overview/introduction part.  
  
**Coherence and Cohesion**  
- I assume that this part also only get 5.0 because of several reasons. Firstly, your essay lack of a proper overall progression (overview). Secondly, you wrote inaccurate cohesive devices within the paragraph. For instance, when you wrote "it can be seen clearly that...", "the most interesting fact is that...", it was mistakenly wrong. That should be cohesive devices that are appropriate for the overview because you should explain the general trend. There are many possible cohesive devices that are accurate for this. Instead of those, you can simply write 'To begin with,..", "In addition,...", or many other possible cohesive devices except the ones that you have written above.  
  
Overall, assessing 2 parts is already adequate to assume that the overall score for this writing is 5.0 or even lower. It has already represented 50% of the assessment and usually it doesn't fall far away from that range. Try to focus on creating an appropriate overview first to boost your score later on.  
  
Hope this helps :)
Gigih, I believe that there was a better way to write this essay which would have improved your overall scores. That would have been to write a comparison of the information stated within the bar and line graphs. In every paragraph, you could have done a year by year analysis or quarterly analysis of the provided information which would have resulted in a more accurate and interesting comparison report in your summary. By writing the summary in your format, you ended up omitting the proper comparison angle as indicated in the prompt. That is also why your essay ended up being so short when it came to presenting detailed information. When you have two charts provided, it is always best to do a year by year or quarterly comparison of the information so that the reader can obtain the most related information in the most coherent and cohesive manner. I hope that you can implement that writing style in your next practice test that provides 2 types of graph for comparison reporting.