dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## preserving wild animals

  
  
Wild animals are living around human beings. Whether wild animals are needed to be preserved or have no place in the 21st century's development is a topic of controversy. From my perspective, I strongly believe that it is crucial to place wild animals under close protection.  
  
Initially, wild animals play an essential role in our lives since they help protect the biodiversity and retain ecological balance. Specifically, each of them is one of the creatures in food chain, which means that they are the preys for larger animals as well as hunters to smaller ones. A practical example for this is the fact that the biodiversity of one African forest was severely damaged due to the lack of a number of tigers. Other animals was dying or developing so much and demanded the support by the government at that time. It might be too dangerous to let that issue happen again in the future.  
  
In addition, wild animals are likely to appear in geography as a subject at schools. This means students will learn about their living habits and environment; thereupon, it would be meaningless and unreasonable if they cannot go to observe animals in visual. Moreover, development does not mean that we should eliminate all land for our own land uses. In fact, it is humans that utilize every meter square of land for their own greedy purposes such as constructing enterprises, buildings, which poses a serious threat to wild animals' environment.  
  
In conclusion, from my point of view, preserving wild animals is an important mission of human beings due to their crucial roles in biodiversity, ecological balance and human lives. What every government should do is to implement some policies to protect animals from extinction.
Le, the essay is asking for you to agree or disagree with the previous statement. What it does not ask you is if you believe the animal needs protection. It is a given that the animals need protection. That is not the issue in this essay. The issue is if you think that protecting the animal is a waste of resources. There is nothing in your response that indicates that you understood what the prompt is asking you to discuss. If anything, you showed that your English comprehension skills are lacking because you did not accurately respond to the prompt on the basis of the information for consideration that you were given. The essay shows that you are responding to a question that is different from the prompt provided. In an actual test, this sort of prompt deviation will automatically result in a failing mark. I strongly suggest that you learn how to analyze the given prompts before you draft a response. Review the available prompt requirements on this forum and learn what the differences are between them. Prepare accordingly for the practice tests. The topics for discussion will not vary too much from the previous practice tests, so use those tests in order to familiarize yourself with the method of responding to various prompt requirements.
*Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening.  
  
Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  
You should write at least 250 words.*  
  
## our Electronics is Spying on us

  
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In this highly technical era, with the continuously developing of technology, it has given people such a perfect tool to monitor others no matter what they do and where they are. Although equipment gives us undeniable benefits, it also causes many problems by making all of us visible to everyone. I will present both pros and cons and evaluate if this progress is a good thing.  
  
First of all, it is obvious that being watched makes people feel safer as there will always have someone watching on you. If there is anything bad happens, people can call the police and give you valuable evidences if they are needed. Besides, security cameras make it easier to catch criminals because CCTVs are everywhere nowadays. As it is harder to hide than before, it will also be a good way to deterrent to criminals.  
  
However, some antisocial people seem to take advantage of these conveniences to conduct serious crimes like kidnappings or murder since they will be able to know mostly everything related to their victims such as their personal information and habits. Therefore, they can prepare and perpetrate right away when it is at the right time. Furthermore, some people do not even realize that they are being followed and totally lack their vigilance. Because of that, it will also lead to a growing number of cases of information theft such as stealing your social security, driver's license numbers or bank accounts to impersonate you to steal money and gain other benefits.  
  
To sum up, with those modern technologies, it gives us advantages in some exact situations. However, our freedom is high on the list of priorities. Although being watched is inevitable, I personally think that we need to be more alert and balance between its advantages and disadvantages.  
  
This is my essay on pros and cons of being monitored. I'd be very appreciate it if you guys can correct my essay and maybe score it ;)
Jennie, you used the wrong representation in the final sentence of you opening paraphrase. It is important that you accurately depict the discussion instruction of the essay in this instance. Therefore, your final line should have read as follows:  
  
*While there are some disadvantages to the the fact that people are easily watched these days, the advantages of constant surveillance cannot be ignored. This essay will discuss the reasons why the advantages of being watched outweigh its disadvantages.*  
  
While I will grant that your succeeding paragraphs are well within the parameters of the required discussion, the final paragraph, the closing summary statement, should not have continued the discussion. Since that is what you did in this instance, then the essay will lose points for not properly representing a closing statement in terms of GRA considerations. Your closing statement should have indicated:  
  
*In conclusion, the above information proves that although there are some negatives for consideration when it comes to the constant surveillance of the public, there are still more advantages to the watchful eye of the cameras. While privacy may be lost in the process of protecting people, a clear sense of security is gained from the existence of the CCTV cameras. Therefore, the advantages of constantly being watched far outweigh its disadvantages.*  
  
Taking these errors into consideration when assessing your work, I believe that you could probably score up to a 5 with this essay. It carries valid discussion points, may have some grammar problems that do not impede the understanding of your message, and requires a bit of proofreading, the thought process that was involved in its development is clearly seen and therefore, allowed you to be considered for a better score.
**Some employers reward members of staff for their exceptional contribution to the company by giving them extra money. this practice can act as an incentive for some but may also have a negative impact on others. To what extent is this style of management effective? Are there better ways of encouraging employees to work hard?**  
  
## praising company staff by giving them extra sum money

  
  
There are some recruiters who reckon that giving extra salary is a perfect way to thank the staff for working hard. Much as this policy is efficient, its demerits should not be neglected. In this essay, I will explain the beneficial extent of this practice as well as suggesting mre options of praising workers.  
  
There is no doubt that paying extra material value is an effective movement of managing at work since most people appreciate the presence of money. By giving more money to employees, employers can successfully encourage their staff members to continuously devote themselves to the overall business. In the sense that these members can use the exceptional amount of page to improve their daily standard of living as well as spend it on various sorts of recreation, the status of them can be promoted, hence affects positively the quality of their job. Simultaneously, this act also provoke the competing environment at workplace, thus motivate more individuals to work extraordinarily and eventually bring out a huge sum of income for the company.  
  
However, this style of management can result in drawbacks as well. As the office becomes more competitive, those who cannot deal with working under pressure may not be able to maitain comfortable and can finally quit job. Furthermore, so as to overcome other collegues, some may cheat or even worse, commit crimes either on small or large scale in secret.  
  
To prevent the concerned negative impacts from taking place, ther forms of reward can be introduced and adapted. One of them is holding holiday tours to either domestic famous spots or foreign tourist attractions for excellent workers. Another alternative is giving special presents that could be anything other than money to hard - working members. And if employers want to be really practical, they can even promote their staff to a higher position, which is as welcomed by workers as extra salary.  
  
In conclusion, it seems that praising company staff by giving them an extra sum of money can be simultaneously positive and negative. To eliminate possiblilities of bad deeds at work, there should be alternatives replacing this action.  
  
**Please score my essay as well.**
Tran, I think that you can score as high as a 6 with this essay. You have really taken great pains to try and represent the discussion in a coherent and cohesive manner. Unfortunately, this attempt was marred by your lack of proofreading. There are numerous spelling mistakes in this essay which could have been avoided if you had bothered to double check yourself before submission. Your attempt to use complex words also backfired as you did not accurately use the word "page" in the essay. In fact, I have no idea what you mean by using the term "page" in the essay. It did not fit nor make any sense in the sentence / paragraph that the word was located in. There are also a few run-on sentences in the essay that created extra long sentences when it should have been divided into 2 sentences in the second paragraph. You did not do a bad job in writing this essay. The only problem I could find is that you did not really think to pay attention to your sentence development and grammar structure. That adversely affected your work and thus, lowered your final score when, if written properly, you could have easily reached a 7 with this essay.
**Topic:** *Many people believe that formal 'pen and paper' examinations are not the best method of assessing educational achievement. What is your view of examinations?*  
  
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## 'pen and paper' examinations?

  
  
Examinations have always been one of the most familiar methods of measuring learning in educational settings throughout the world. At virtually every stage of studying process, students need to take exams to verify whether they are qualified to move on to the next level. In my view, I believed that there are some points of traditional examinations should be reconsidered.  
  
There are clearly certain advantages of exams. They guarantee the equality by enforcing the same condition on all the candidates. Moreover, they have the comparatively abundant types of exam questions, for instance, multiple choice questions or essay tasks can test different sorts of capability. However, examinations still have drawbacks. With the growth in cram school, students tend to be test-wise rather than to truly learn. Although this kind of student does not have the fundamental knowledge or skills, they still acquire the good result. In contrast, some test-takers perform poorly simply because of nervousness. Furthermore, some teachers and students only focus on those aspects of the curriculum that are liable to be tested, or those repetitive ones, thus excluding the unnecessary parts.  
  
A number of measures should be carried out to tackle the defects. Wherever possible, exams should properly reflect the educational program. Exam tasks should be comprehensively varied in term of theory in order to completely assess throughout various of knowledge and skills. Moreover, other types of evaluation should also be considered, for example, independent studying, research skills or teamwork ability.  
  
In spite of its shortcomings, exams still play an important role in assuring the appropriate, objective assessment. Nevertheless, to gain more advantages, it should be carefully designed and supplement with other types of assessment.
1) The introduction is clear enough, your ideas for the essay are great and performed in a way that people can easily track.  
  
2) In my view, I believe~~d~~ that there are ...  
  
3) 'abundant' has negative meaning that does not fit your opinion.  
  
4) Although this kind of student does not ... => These 2 do not really match. Though I can understand what you are getting at, you should change the way you write it.  
  
5) thus exclud~~ing~~ the unnecessary parts.  
  
6) The topic ask for your opinions, not solutions, so the third paragraph seem to be abundant.  
  
7) Your essay is kinda short due to the fact that you gather the pros and cons in just one body paragraph. Instead, you actually ought to divide the ideas into 2 body paragraphs, 1 for the advantages, 1 for the others. In each one, you have to introduce your topic sentence first, which means giving your opinion in general, then explain further and give examples. Your current work is lack of order.  
  
8) For the conclusion part, you need to paraphrase the topic again and then can suggest some solutions.
Nguyen, you are only being asked for your opinion about exams. Therefore, there was no requirement for you to have presented those alternatives to exams in the essay. That is, unless you did not provide the complete prompt for me to consider? In which case, the advice I will give you will either be incomplete, irrelevant, or simply wrong. In the essay that you wrote, you should have simply separated the various topics that you chose to discuss in little developed sentences in the second paragraph. You had more than enough information in there to be able to complete the 3 body of paragraphs required for the essay. Don't forget, you only get 5 sentences per paragraph. So when you discuss more than 5 sentences using various topics in one paragraph, you are ensuring that you get the lowest possible cohesiveness and cohesion score that you can get. That is not what you want to do. Aim to discuss each topic in a separate paragraph in order to gain a higher possible score for the relevant portions of the test. Basically, this is a half-baked essay that would not get you a very good score in the end.
TOPIC : AS WELL AS MAKING MONEY, BUSINESSES ALSO HAVE SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITIES. DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE  
  
## business and social responsibility

  
  
There is a spreading belief that besides making money, whether enterprises should also have public responsibilities or not is becoming a controversial question. In my opinion, I agree that while generating profits is a top priority, companies also need to conduct their business in a socially responsible manner.  
  
On the one hand, the effort of companies to maximize their profits brings some benefits in a whole society. Firstly, the higher money earned by enterprises, the more taxes that they pay to governments. As a result, authorities can spend those taxes on constructing hospitals or schools, therefore enhancing the living standards for citizens. Secondly, by earning huge profits, enterprises have a chance to develop their production and create for people more job opportunities, which can lessen the unemployment rate in their countries.  
  
On the other hand, there are essential reasons explaining why enterprises have to accept their social responsibilities to the common community. The first reason is that their activities have an effect on the environment. Without controls, their productions will cause some serious environmental degradation, such as global warming stemming from the factory emissions or irresponsible waste disposal. For example, if companies install waste treatment system instead of discharging the industrial wastes into rivers, the pollution can be limited and controlled. Another reason is that big corporations should help other small enterprises because they have enough money to do so. To more clarify, Vinamilk - which is a reputable corporation that improving their public image to consumers by philanthropic actions such as providing scholarships and giving the charitable donations.  
  
In conclusion, although making money is a fundamental principle of every business, however, I would argue that they should have a profound understanding of their social responsibilities.  
  
Thanks for all your help.
Bui, here is something that you need to know about the prompt requirements. Unless the instruction says "Discuss both points of view" you do not need to use the compare and contrast essay discussion that you used in this essay. The correct format to use is the "opinion" discussion method because the instruction asks you to do a specific thing, discuss either your agreement or disagreement with the given statement. "OR" indicates that you have to make a choice in the discussion. Only one opinion should be represented in the essay, not both. Additionally, you presented a personal opinion, without proper justification in the concluding sentence of your essay. The personal opinion, if one is required separately from the rest of the discussion, must always be given its own paragraph for discussion and reasoning. In this instance, the whole essay is supposed to be a personal opinion essay so all you had to do was use first person pronouns in the discussion. That would have more than created a better scoring essay than this one. The mistake in your discussion approach really cost you a passing score in this instance.
## which academic subjects are desired for the future?

  
  
Many people believed that concentrating on teaching the academic subjects related to the future job in school considers as an effective strategy rather than physically-developing lessons such as art, music, or sports. While I totally agree that both the school's curriculum should be built in the balance of both those subjects to ensure entirely the students' growth because of some advantages of art and sports I will discuss below.  
  
On the one hand, physically-developing subjects instead of expanding the wisdom of children about natural phenomena, about sustainable development, or about economic innovations could teach them to improve their mental health. According to educational specialists, mental growth is one of the key factors controlling the survival and development of children. Through a music lesson, students are introduced the peaceful and beautiful life occurred in a gentle song's lyric which could strongly support the love of country, relatives and so on, drive their feeling into the positive directions. The other example is about sports, the attractive syllabus, lessons and effective guide from teachers, students shall be learnt to play a sport like football, volleyball or swimming which not only help them keep fit and protect physical health but also encourage children participating social activities. Moreover, team-playing sports are sufficient practice in learning teamwork, self-management skills which are extremely useful in the future career.  
  
On the other hand, art or sports lessons are considered as the relaxing time after being on the go at some academic lessons. The balance created in learning help student easily escaping from stress even depression. An example at Vietnamese secondary school of student's one-day timetable shows that they always have a music or physical education lesson after studying three in-class lessons of science, math, or literature.Many students feel excited and get more energy in the next lessons that is a necessary factor to keep their attention in the lecture. Besides, studying arts and sports subjects at school especially primary and secondary schools are of great importance to discover talent students in the field of being an athletics, a singer or a musician.  
  
In conclusion, physically-developing lessons are making a lot of contributions in the educational process, so schools need to assess the effective teaching strategies so that students would not miss the boat to grow sustainably.
Thu, your opening statement is absolutely not understandable. There is no clear representation of the original prompt requirements, the opinion you are presenting does not make sense, and the whole paragraph, well, it just doesn't do anything for you that would indicate that it could get a task accuracy score higher than a 3.  
  
I can't even begin to advice you regarding where the other mistakes of your essay may be and how you can improve upon them in the future because you did not present the complete original prompt / instructions prior to posting your response essay. The whole discussion is confusing and causes the reader to give up reading mid-essay because it is simply impossible for a reader to try and piece together what you are trying to say.  
  
There is a severe problem with your Coherence and Cohesiveness, as well as your Grammar Range development. This is not a test that will pass in an actual setting. I think that you were thinking in your native language and trying to translate it to English, which is why the sentences came out confused and incomprehensible.  
  
You need to develop your English vocabulary and practice writing understandable simple English sentences before you can even begin to try and respond to simple prompt requirements in a Task 2 IELTS essay.
Hello Hang,  
  
In your essay have some mistakes such as:  
  
1. ~~Entirely the students' growth~~ => the students' growth entirely  
2. ~~While I totally~~ agree that => In my opinion  
3. .. to play ~~a~~  sport like ...  
4. Next lessons that ~~is~~ a necessary ... => are  
  
I hope it can help you.  
  
Minh Phuc