dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## coffee and tea buying and drinking habits

  
  
The chart states the features about the coffee and tea buying and drinking habits occur in five cities of Australia in the last 4 weeks.  
The numbers that stand out are mostly the number of people went to a café for coffee or tea, while the statics about people buying fresh coffee fluctuated blatantly and who bought instant coffee remained roughly balance.  
  
Melbourne has the largest number of people who are interested in drinking at a coffee shop about from 62% to 63% inferred from the chart. Following by two roughly equitable features in Sydney and Hobart which are 61% and 62% respectively. Otherwise, there are only over 55% a little bit pupils in Brisbane and approximately 50% Adelaide's citizens enjoy drinking at a shop. Moreover, apart from staying at a specific place, people seem to love buying instant coffee whose statics remain kind of the same fluctuated at 50% level. Obviously, Sydney had about 41% people buying instant coffee increased respectively to 46% in Melbourne, 53 % in Brisbane, about 50% in Adelaide and approximately 55% in Hobart.  
  
In additional, the rates of pupils are into fresh coffee tend to be low. The highest rate was nearly 45% occurred in Sydney, Melbourne took the second place as 43%, which let Hobart had the proportion of under 40% took in the third place, and the last two statistics in Brisbane and Adelaide had the similar rate around 34% both.  
  
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## US consumers' average annual expenditures on cell phone

  
  
The graph illustrates American consumers' average yearly expenses on moblie phone and landline phone services from 2001 to 2010. The main feature of the graph is two opposite trends in the amount of money allocated for these two types of service with the significant growth in the spending on cell phone services and the decline in that of residential phone services for a period of 10 years.  
  
Starting at $200 in 2001, the expenditures on mobile phone services are less than that on landline phone services by approximately $500. One year later, this situation changed with a sudden increase to $300 in the former while the latter had a tendency to drop at under $700. These two opposite trends occurred continuously for 4 years until they were in the same position ($550) in 2006. Then the money paid out for cell phone services continued to go up at over $600 whereas the other fall at under $500 in 2007. For the next 3 years, the situation was obviously similar to the situation in the period from 2003 to 2006. By 2010, the expenses on cell phone services are nearly twice as much as that on landline phone services.  
  
\* \*𝑃𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑚𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑠 𝑜𝑛 𝑚𝑦 𝑝𝑜𝑠𝑡 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑔𝑖𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑒 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑎𝑑𝑣𝑖𝑐𝑒, 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑘 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦 𝑚𝑢𝑐ℎ 𝑖𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑒𝑑!  
  
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You have improperly formatted the presentation. The normal presentation for this report falls under the 3 paragraph presentation comprised of:  
  
Group 1: Summary overview + trending statement  
Group 2: Immediate information presentation  
Group 3: Analyzed information + overlapping information presentation  
  
While I strongly advocate for the clarity that the 3 paragraph presentation allows for in this presentation, that is not to say that the 4 paragraph presentation is incorrect. However, I find that the 4 paragraph presentation forces the student to write more, without actually considering the clarity and relevance of the presentation, which is the focal point of scoring in the Task 1 essay.  
  
Writing more will never assure a student of getting a better score. That is clearly seen in your presentation where spelling, coherence, and cohesiveness issues remained in the presentation. A clear sign that you decided to meet the word count only, regardless of the quality of the presentation in relation to the scoring rubic.  
  
The information overview would have been more complete if you had taken the time to also add the source of the information. Kindly remember that if an information source is included in the image, that should be reported as well based on the accuracy of data requirement of the presentation. The source material reference can help create a better sense of validity for the information presentation.
## Charts about volunteers in various sectors

  
  
The given pie charts illustrate changes in the proportion of volunteers in six types of organization in 2008 and 2014.  
  
It is clear that while the percentage of people who volunteered in environmental, sport, and health care organizations rose considerably from 2008 to 2014, the opposite was true for other types of organizations. Additionally, the proportion of volunteer participants in health care was by far the lowest in both years.  
  
In 2008, volunteers in environmental projects accounted for 21%, three times that figure for health care, which was only 7 %. Over the next few years, in 2014, these figures witnessed marginal increases of 8% and 15% respectively. Likewise, starting at only 15% in 2008, the percentage of volunteer participants in sport rose almost double and made up for 25% in 2014.  
  
At the same time, the proportion of volunteers in art and educational organizations experienced considerable decreases of 6% and 7% respectively. Also, there was a significant drop in that figure for other types of organizations to only 9% in 2014.  
  
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The summary overview is incomplete in presentation. Always provide a run-down of the easily seen information such as the number of charts, the measurement type, and the volunteer fields provided in the original image. Having said that, you first sentence is not change enough to be considered a restatement of the original instruction. It is 99% similar to the original so this will directly affect your TA score. You need to add more information, as I specified here, to prove that you understood the original prompt and varied the presentation to the point of originality.  
  
Your 2014 review is not as complete as the 2008 chart. You spent too much time working on the trending statement, which should have been only a single sentence in the presentation. It is the improper focus on the trending presentation that caused your essay to be less informative than it should have been overall. Next time, try using the simple summary overview that produces the 3 paragraph essay instead. You should find that you end up presenting a clearer and better representative report than the 4 paragraph method that forces you to write more, but with less focus on the content, which is what you are primarily scored on on the Task 1 presentation.
***Task 2: Nowadays it is not only large companies that can make films. Digital technology enables anyone to produce films.  
## Do you think it is a positive or negative development?***  
  
Films production has been acknowledged as a costly investment, which can only be afforded by big firms. However, the rapid development of digital technology allows even individuals to make movies. I believe that the use of state-of-the-art technology in film making is a positive trend.  
  
Digital technology is beneficial to the film industry in various aspects. First and foremost, financial issues have been a great deterrent to filmmaking newbies. Yet cutting-edge technology involved in producing movies allows passionate youngsters to bring their ideas to the big screen with a micro-budget. In addition, the film crew will be given a scope for creativity without the concerns about revenue since hi-tech has helped to reduce the expenses. The film creators, therefore, can focus on contents and the messages conveyed in order to contribute valuable works of art to the world's heritage.  
  
Digital age opens up opportunities for small film production teams as well as talented actors and actresses to rise. Many blockbusters produced by large studios bombard audiences with visual effects and good-looking actors. Nonetheless, because of poor storyline and shallow messages, nothing remains in audiences' mind as soon as they leave the cinema. By contrast, low-budget indie films produced using simple equipments such as a camera and and a computer are attracting attention for their extraordinary plots. Competent actors and actresses nowadays also seek for these content-centered projects so as to flaunt their acting skills and gain public recognition.  
  
In conclusion, technological innovations open a new era which anyone can produce films. Since there are no limitations to human's creativity, numerous masterpieces will be made perpetually.  
  
(265 words)
The first paragraph needs to be better presented. It lacks proper discussion development in relation to how a micro budget, based on the current digital film making trend has become useful to film makers. Explain why this is so and how it happened. Justify your reason. That way the last 2 explanations you provide will be better anchored to the first part of the presentation. It will add to the clarity of the reasoning provided.  
  
Try not to open each paragraph with the same word (Digital) as there should be a clear presentation of alternative terms in the essay. Using the same word every time could limit your LR score as it will show a limited English range on your part. By the way, your second reasoning paragraph is far better explained than the first one. Try to aim for the same type of clarity in all your paragraphs next time.  
  
Your concluding paragraph fails to properly restate the preceding discussion. As such, it cannot be considered a proper recap of the presented topics. Use 3-5 paraphrased sentences, based on your reasoning presentation and the original topic, to accomplish this task next time.
## teaching moral education during children's growth

  
  
There exists a controversial debate about who are responsible to deliver moral principles to children. While some argue that it is essential for caregivers to teach the young these ethical lessons, others opine that these lessons should be taught at school. From my standpoint, both teachers and parents have the equal role in educating children ethnics.  
  
On the one hand, that parents teach children rights and wrongs is crucial. It is common knowledge that home is the first school of children because from birth to preschool, children are under the sole custody of parents. As children will imitate the behaviors of their caregivers, parents must be good example for them to follow. Obviously, children who are taught to distinguish between right and wrong from a young age are more likely to become disciplined citizens.  
  
On the other hand, there is no doubt that teachers and schools play an essential role in conveying ethical lessons for pupils. Not only do schools have responsibility to teach academic subjects but they also have to guide children's behaviors and keep them stay clear of wrongdoings, especially in modern days, when there are more and more working parents, which takes valuable time away from their child-caring responsibilities. Schools are often considered as microcosm of society, therefore, interacting with other schoolchildren of different character and family background will act as a way of forming their personalities. With the moral lessons and experience gained from schools, children can be well-educated citizen and contribute to society when they come of age.  
  
By the way of inclusion, moral education plays an indispensible part in children's personal development and future prospect. Consequently, both schools and parents should take concerted effort in developing good manners among children during their personality- building period.
There are actually several prompts that relate to your given topic. As such, I cannot be sure as to the discussion approach you have chosen to take. You need to provide a better version of the original prompt the next time you ask us to review your essay. Just as your response needs to be accurate, so does our review of your work. That can only be accomplished when we know what we need to review in your paper.  
  
Avoid making exaggerated comments in your essay. Examiners do not like it when you use over statements such as "controversial debate" in the presentation. These essays always opine or discuss but never "debate". You should also use more appropriate alternative terms in your essay. There is a difference between a caregiver, who is someone tasked with the personal care of another person, and a teacher, who is an educator or a person in charge of teaching younger people about certain life and educational requirements.  
  
Saying "By way of inclusion" is incorrect for a concluding statement. Perhaps you meant to say "In conclusion". Work on your vocabulary skills and commonly used English phrases. It appears you are still confused as to English word usage and meaning at this point. More reading materials in English, as well as more dictionary references in relation to word meaning before usage should help you in that department.
## Crime appears to be rising in most countries in the world, especially among young people.

  
***Identify the possible causes of this trend, and propose some solutions you think would be effective.***  
  
Recently, the number of criminals has been climbing up all around the world. The roots for this issue seem to be focused on 3 areas. Some methods to address these problems seem to be clear to us.  
  
The major cause, perhaps, comes from the lack of suitable punishments of the authority. For example, the punishments for criminals usually aim at causing mental or physical damages without being educative and directing them to be a better person. Another visual cause is from poverty. It is obvious that most people choose to become criminals because they cannot afford their life. It is easy to understand since no one originally wants to commit crimes unless they are urged by their survival instinct. Last but not least, family life can substantially affect a child to become a criminal in the future. It appears in some cases that criminals' parents used to commit crimes in the past  
  
Turning to possible remedies for these problems, the main role may come from the authority. Instead of torturing criminals' mentality and physicality. They should implement some activities that help enhance the awareness of being a better person of the crime committer. The state also needs to focus on the poors and make sure that economy develops equally. Another solution is to provide homeless people with subsidy. To reduce the crime rate, parents should consider the most efficient way to raise child regardless of who they were in the past since everyone has a past and they need to acknowledge that they have learn the lesson and they should teach their children not to step on their foot print.  
  
In summary, the main causes come from penalties, economy and education. Authority can help by providing subsidy and changing the punishments while each parent should try their best to give proper education to their children contribute to the reduction of crimes.
The general focus of your essay is incorrect. The topic surrounds the discussion of the rise in crime among young people. You did not identify the age group within the prompt paraphrase as it was indicated in the original discussion. You also did not paraphrase enough words in the first sentence to prove that you did not use memorized words and phrases in the restated presentation. There is also no clear outline of the discussion topics in relation to the causes and solutions you will be presenting, as it relates to the young adults discussion.  
  
You lack proper topic development and explanation in all the relevant sections of the essay. You only mention topics with a slight explanation but no justification. The justification of your discussion is what creates the cohesiveness and coherence in the essay. Otherwise, it is nothing but simply stated topics, which leads to little or no discussion development as evidenced in this presentation.
## the population by age groups who rode bicycles

  
  
Answer:  
The given chart presents data regarding population structure by age and gender riding bicycles in a particular town in 2011.  
  
Overall, the 0-9 group made up the largest proportion while those in middle-aged became the least to take part in this activity. The major percentage in the male section was approximately as high as one in females.  
  
Concerning females, children under 10 years old accounted for 51.4 percent. The second rank was the juvenile group, with the rate 42.2 percent and then the proportion of cyclists reaching adulthood was 17.1 percent. Also, 18.5 percent is the portion for the senior class. The left number of people under 60 years old was the lowest, accounting for more than one-tenth in total.  
  
Among males, the percentage of boys younger than 10 years old was slightly lower than girls at the same age and reached about 50.3 percent. Next, the teenagers from 10-17 years old attain the same rank as its counterpart but just under a quarter of this sex cycled in this age while it was nearly half of girls who engaged in this outdoor activity. When it came to the older group, it could be seen that adults were not active in cycling, at about 9.7 percent. Similar to women at the same age, 40-59-year-old group was deemed the lowest proportion, with 8 percent; besides, seniors achieved only 13.2 percent respectively.  
  
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Ok, so the first problem i noticed is in your over view. Please say "0-9 year-old group" instead of 0-9 group.  
The other thing you can fix is your transitional phrases, right now they are too simple, consider : "moreover, additionally, furthermore,...."  
Also, you don't have to give the detailed number percentage on everything, it makes it really boring for the reader, try paraphrasing it, like: one-third, one-tenth, half, a minute amount of, the majority of,....  
  
Other than that you essay seems pretty solid
## **Is it positive or negative development?**

  
  
In developed countries, most citizents investing a lot of time in work to contribute to companies. In my opinion, this problem has its advantages and disadvantages.  
  
First of all, people can advance quickly at work. When they work hard, they can increase professional products and be appriciated higher than others. In addition, working overtime contributes development, rises gross domestic product of countries. For instant, Japanese residents spending their time at workplace help GDP of Japan to increase to 40% each year. Beside that, working a lot also help people avoid society's vices such as getting drunk, adultery,...  
  
In constract, doing overtime at workplace makes emplouees suffer many diseases related to bones and eyes. People have to work with computer all day and sit in wrong posture, this will lead to humpback and weak eyes. Moreover, people won't have much time for their relationship like family, friends and so on. For example, employees working all day can be tired and dod not have time to share with their wife or husband, thiswill break people's relationship.  
  
As a freshman, I find although people spending too much time for their work earn a lot of money, they don't have time for themselves. As a freshman, I am going to find a part-time job but I will keep balance between my studying and my job.  
  
In a nutshell, I personally believe people should manage time for both working and relaxing.
I am not sure why you wrote an essay of only 239 words. Perhaps you were not informed of the 250 word minimum for the Task 2 essay? You have to be conscious of your word count because not providing the minimum count will result in points deductions that can affect your final score. By not providing a complete presentation for the restatement and a clear response to the question in the first paragraph, you have already handicapped your presentation with the lowest possible starting score instead of the highest possible starting score. When you are asked to decide between one of 2 possible responses, pick one. Never say you agree with both. That shows indecision and you will be scored based on a lack of a clear opinion regarding the given discussion topic. You should never use a comma and ellipses one after another in a given sentence. You should only use one punctuation mark at a time. This error, which can be found in your first paragraph will result in a low GRA score as it shows your inability to properly use punctuation marks in a sentence. You also have other errors covering spelling, LR, GRA, and coherence issues in your presentation. Your paper was too rushed. You did not even bother to review it for content. Worse, you failed to review and edit the grammar mistakes in your presentation as well. There is no way that this type of writing will result in passing base score. It is going to fail due to the issues with grammar rules, sentence development, clarity, and academic presentation.
@Holt  
Firstly, thank you so much for such a detailed reply!  
I am still completely new to the IELTS essay and this is my first post here. Your reply has been so helpful and I have learnt a lot reading it. I am looking forward to improving my writing skill. Finding out this forum and getting advice from people like you is the best thing that happened to me lately.  
  
Again, I am very much grateful!
## effect of multinational tourism

  
  
Nowadays, traveling abroad is becoming popular in modern life. While it may be disliked by some people, but foreign trips are becoming affordable than before and more countries wide-open doors for explorers. It is a debatable issue of whether international travels are good or bad. My essay is going to discuss both sides of the issue.  
  
There are many advantages of outbound travel, to begin with, tourism contributes to an increased national economy. Many countries around the world, tourism becoming key economic sectors for long-standing about 40% to 60% proportion of the national economy. It also promotes the development of foreign trading industries.  
  
Besides that, tourism is a media vehicle to advertise for host countries like cuisine, culture, society...The development of tourism abroad is important for international economic relations such as exchange contracts between host countries, travel agencies, oversea tourism organizations.  
  
Over than that, tourism creates opportunities for employment solutions. Tourism promotes the growth of small and large businesses or family-owned: transportation services, souvenir shops, restaurants, tour guide agencies ...and relevant industries.  
  
However, there are disadvantages to this issue. The development of tourism has badly impacted our environment: heavy traffic, tourist activities, construction infrastructures... it directly impacts the quality life of humans and wildlife. Moreover, the host country's traditional culture may be devalued. Society becomes more complex.  
  
In summary, I would concede that international travel does come with some harmful effects. Even though the benefits created by it far outweigh the disadvantages. Overall, I am convinced that we should promote international tourism and meanwhile the host country's government should take action to well control bad effects.