dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## a landscape oil painting with a bridge

  
  
Hubert Robert created a landscape oil painting with a bridge on the canvas at 1787. And that bridge vicinity the average on canvas is a famous bridge of South of France. Called Pont du Gard bridge. Hubert Robert just titled his painting in a similar way with the original architecture. Historically, Pont du Gard is a bridge that built during 1st century AD with three tiers of archways crosses the Gardon River in southern France. Pont du Gard is not only a bridge, but also being a part of the aqueduct system. Augustus wants to build up a convenient water system for the citizens. Because people live in that time period in the south of France, needs to walk for 50 kilometers away for taking water back Tunnel during from the time of Augustus until today is historically significant construction for France.  
  
There is not merely the landscape of the bridge in Robert's Pont du Garde. The 18 century's lifestyle is recorded on the left down corner. As the painting shows, people are activated nearby the Pont du Gard. Washing clothes or having a picnic on the riverside, boating the river. The main chiaroscuro shows from the top left corner to the bottom right, but the light is coming from the right side. All the arches from the three levels told us that the light resource goes directly on the bridge by the most contrast on the painting. Every single arch looks simple and similar, but actually, Hubert Robert handles the arches in different colors by a micro change. There is also the contrast of colors between green-blue and orange from the left side and right side of the bridge. The green-blue color on the sky still looks harmony in this painting even though the whole painting is in the warm yellow tone.  
  
The bridge is damaged after using for 17 century, Robert mark out this fact by putting the details on the construction line. The object that not perfect enough will make me feel the relative reality. The details of the brick are expressive forms and patterns for presenting the bridge.  
  
All the elements above that the contrast of chiaroscuro shows the perspective of the bridge. From left to right, upper to lower that space is shown.  
  
Robert uses different techniques to paint. Especially the diversity between the construction of the bridge and the sky. For example, there is obviously imprint that the bridge is painted by small brush and the clouds on the sky are using flat-brush. There are invisible lines of shape, but the construction is described by colors in different tone and hue.  
  
Like an oil painting from the 18 century, the style of Robert's Pont du Garde is more likely with the sculpture from the Augustus time period. To compare with the Rococo style, which is the main popular style in the eighteenth century, Robert's painting is more harmony.  
  
All in all, Hubert Robert's Pont du Garde present the original Pont du Gard bridge in a harmony way and balance the painting by his technique.
Jingwen, you may want to explain why Robert merely used the name of the bridge for his painting. There is always a deeper meaning attached to every painter's art and its title so you should develop that part of your discussion. It will be part of the deeper analysis of the painting itself.  
  
You seriously need to get a professional editor to proof read your paper. You are presenting the essay in a confusing blend of past and present references, which makes the paper extremely difficult to read, follow, and understand. The tense usage needs to be addressed in the essay so that your grammar will be better presented and easily understood by the reader. You can even use the bundled editing software in MS word to accomplish that, free of charge.  
  
This essay needs more editing and revising in terms of language presentation more than anything else so that it can be considered a properly written art analysis paper.
*Topic: Many children these day have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both school and parents are responsible for solving this problem.  
To what extent do you agree with this statement?*  
  
## the concern of kids health today

  
  
It is patently obvious that modern life has negative impacts on children's lifestyle which are mainly the way they spend their spare time and their poor eating habit. Personally, school and parents play important roles in tackling this issue.  
  
Firstly, both school and parents have a variety of methods to create a balanced diet. Limited amount of fast food and encourage children to eat more vegetable and fruit to the good way to set up a healthy diet. For example, adults should restrict children to eat fast food such as pizza and hamburger, and encourage them eat more fruit and vegetable like banana or salad. By this way, children are aware of what sort of food is good for their health and avoid eating less nutritional food.  
  
Secondly, school and parents should warn children about the important role of taking regular physical activity. Less taking exercise is an underlying cause leading obesity on children worldwide. Parents can encourage children do more exercise by organizing family's day or playing sports together. Besides, school can add regular exercise on their timetable and compulsory sports for students as well. As a result, children have a good habit and develop healthily.  
  
Last but not least, government and health organizations have to raise awareness of the public about active lifestyle. They can organize activities about how to set up a good lifestyle or training course for parent to bring up children healthily. By doing this, people will be more careful to raise their children.  
  
In conclusion, it is necessary for both school and parents to solve children's unhealthy lifestyle. To tackle this problem, having a balanced diet, regular exercise and the concern of government and health organizations must be considered.  
  
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Please give me some comments, thank you so much!
Nguyne, this essay just failed to get a passing score in an actual test setting. Remember, the TA score relies on your English comprehension skills. You have to prove that you understood the topic presented and are capable of discussing the topic based on the instructions you were given. In this instance, the instruction you were asked to follow is to discuss:  
  
*To what extent do you agree with this statement?*  
  
This means you have to take a yes or no stance regarding the topic and then defend that side in the essay. It is clear that you misunderstood the instructions for the discussion because your response was:  
  
*Personally, school and parents play important roles in tackling this issue.*  
  
As you can see, your response is nowhere near the discussion instructions you were given. From a yes or no essay, you discussed a personal opinion, without giving a direct response to the question, which is the basis of the thesis statement of your prompt paraphrase.  
  
The correct response to this would have been:  
  
*I strongly agree that both the school and the parents have a direct hand in the creation the unhealthy lifestyle of children. I have based my opinion on a couple of reasons.*  
  
That is the response that I believe you should have given as your thesis statement at the end of the prompt paraphrase paragraph.  
  
Your 4th paragraph is a prompt deviation that will further reduce your ability to prove that you understood what the discussion topic requirements were. You were to focus on a 4 paragraph essay that has 2 reasoning paragraphs, one for teachers and one for parents. The government was never part of this discussion and as such, should not have been presented in this essay.
## media can be addictive which is affecting our life

  
  
Our day-to-day life is majorly impacted by all sorts of media. Mass media can be very useful if you use it correctly and for good purposes. This essay agrees that mass media and news resources impacts our lifestyles on a large scale. Firstly, this essay will discuss how media can be addictive and secondly, it will discuss how to incorporate media in our life.  
  
Mass media can be addictive and people can become obsessed with it. Nowadays people want to know everything what happens in the world and to get all the information as fast as possible. While it is important to know what is going on around you, it is also necessary to have critic view when consuming all the news. For example, people tend to use mass media to ignore their own problems instead of solving them.  
  
It is possible to use mass media in a healthy way and to not let it take over our lives. One of the things people should avoid is checking news recourses right when they wake up in the morning because it starts the day with a lot of negativity. By avoiding doing that you do not let mass media control your life. On the opposite of that, it is a good idea to manage the time you spend consuming material mass media provides.  
  
In conclusion, the information we get by absorbing news can affect our lifestyles differently and it only depends on how we use it.
First, please include the question in your post. I guess this is a task 2 essay in an IELTS test, so it is easier to give advice if the readers know what the question is.  
  
Second, I think your introduction is very long compared to the main paragraphs and contains lots of unnecessary information.  
You don't need the sentence "This essay agrees that mass ..." because it is a repetition of the first sentence in this paragraph. You should write only one or two sentences to introduce the topic and after that, directly answer the question.  
  
Third, your main paragraphs don't provide enough information and explain the concept clearly. Although there are many sentences, a lot of them are irrelevant to the topic of the paragraph or just repeat the topic without properly support it. For example:  
  
"By avoiding doing that you do not let..."  
"While it is important to know what is..." This sentence should be in the paragraph that provide information about how to use the media effectively. In the first main paragraph, you should write more about the consequences of excessive use of media. In the second paragraph, maybe you should give an example about how to manage the time you spend on social media.  
  
Finally, your essay has some mistakes about vocabulary, like "critic view".
It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?  
  
## the punishment lesson

  
  
One important stage in a child's growth is certainly the development of a conscience, which is related to the ability to tell right from wrong. The skills come from a period of time and good parenting. For me, parenting has not much to do with this, so I disagree most of the given statement.  
  
For one thing, the question depends on the age of the child. To punish a child is both wrong and foolish since the child wouldn't understand what is happening and why he or she is punished. If the child is old enough to understand, encouragement for good behaviors and discourage for mistakes would be better ways instead of harsh punishments, which might cause some negative situations.  
  
In addition, teachers and parents should provide good modeling in their own behavior to help a child learn the difference between right and wrong. Then, if needed, the punishment should not be physical, it may send a message that it is acceptable for large people to hit the smaller ones, which results in the child starts to bully the others. Also, punishments should not be any way cruel. Instead, teachers and parents can use a variety of methods to deal with the child such as withdrawal of privileges or time-out. Making the punishment fit the crime is useful, the child would understand that being responsible for its mistake is important. For instance, pick up the rubbish they have dropped, clean up the area thay have messed or apologize to someone they have hurt.  
  
In these wats, responsibility is developed in the child, which leads to much better behavior than does punishment.  
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please feel free to give me advice, thanks a lot!
Ronia, your discussion went off tangent in the prompt paraphrase section. Look at the following errors in your presentation:  
  
*Original Topic: It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age.  
Your Topic: One important stage in a child's growth is certainly **the development of a conscience**, which is related to the ability to tell right from wrong.*  
  
In your topic presentation, the main discussion became the development of a conscience so that a child can learn to tell right from wrong. Right from wrong became the secondary rather than primary discussion topic. Bad move. You just changed the discussion topic for the essay.  
  
*Reasoning Sentence: Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.  
Your Reasoning: The skills come from a period of time and good parenting... parenting has not much to do with this...*  
  
The only part of the discussion that you got right in this presentation is the last part about the alternative punishment that can be used by teachers and parents.  
  
What does the series of above indicated problems show? It shows that your TA presentation will get a failing mark due to prompt deviation. What is the correct presentation for the opening paraphrase?  
  
*Children must learn the importance of right from wrong as soon as possible. In order to teach this lesson, it is believed that disciplinary actions must be taken when children do things perceived to be wrong. I mostly disagree with this statement due to several consideration factors.*  
  
The first paragraph is always a restatement of the original discussion. It is the part of the essay that introduces the discussion to the reader who does not know what the original prompt is about. That is why you need to be detailed, specific about the topic, reason, and response you will be giving. This serves as the outline for your discussion. Make a mistake here and you could lose up to 50% of your scoring consideration which means, the first paragraph alone can either help you pass or fail the test.  
  
While your 2 reasoning paragraphs have sound reasoning, the problem in the TA section immediately made it difficult for this essay to get a higher scoring consideration. Most specially since your final paragraph falls short of the required sentence presentation number and information which are:  
  
1. Restatement of the discussion topic  
2. Reasons for the discussion  
3. Restatement of your opinion  
4. Restatement of the alternative punishment  
5. Closing sentence  
  
You have the potential to get at least a 7.5 with your writing skills. You just need to do better work when it comes to certain presentation parts.
## steps to rising life standard of a regular citizen

  
  
The core of successful project is a good management. Therefore, some citizens believe that governments are responsible for major changes in communities, while some agree that individuals have an impact on society too. In my opinion, I believe that government is the main body which manipulate society to achieve its maximum potential to drive are able the country to one of the top nations.  
  
As a citizen, government changes are a concern to me personally, as well others living in the country. Few changes by government are able to convert our life standards dramatically.Decisions that are agreed upon to set the regulations and rules by the government, are the only decisions identified and well-known globally. Individuals would impact the society , however, at the end government have the rights to change individuals changes and only the changes will be recognized.  
  
Furthermore, the relationship between a government and its individuals is similar to the relationship of an organization to its stuff. Employers and employees may not have the ability to change and improve in the organization if the the management is not supporting their ideas. Without the higher management approval , individuals will not have the power or right to change. An example of my own experience is my country. Yemen is having a politic conflicts where government is blamed for causing the harm, although individuals are trying to end the tragedy, the dictator leader has the power to destroy the the country.  
  
Ultimately, governments are the only body who can drive the countries either on of the top countries or the worst. I think if the society is aiming for better future, it should start with voting to the right leader an the best management. I hope in future the peace and human rights will be the priority of all governments regardless their passion for power.
## subjects in higher education

  
  
**Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future such as those related to science and technology.  
  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.**  
  
Decision about subjects in higher education is individual choice. Although, some argue that futuristic subject like Science and Technology should only be taught by universities, others, including me, believe that matured students should be given chance to follow their dreams and study what they desire.  
  
Students at tertiary education level should have freedom to deciding their course which, in fact, is beneficial for the individuals and society at large. Firstly, it is better to give every single student a chance to explore their interest. In fact, if students are forced to study complex subjects as STEM, their overall performance will fall and ultimately their career might be destroyed. For example, I marginally passed few compulsory subjects in m Bachelor's degree like Chemistry which, I promised to myself, to never study again. Finally, subjects like Politics and Economics are as important, if not more, as science for deciding advancement and functioning of society as a whole. I don't think a scientist is well suited to run for a president!  
  
On the other hand, research and innovation through science and technology is necessary for advancement of society. Even though demand for scientist and engineers are always on a rise, if every student is forced to read them, due to high supply of work force, demands and value might fall drastically. Secondly, although society needs explorer and engineers to explore new frontiers and rapid progress, it definitely needs lawyers and politicians to check and shape the direction of growth. For instance, genetic engineering is now into unexplored realm. Now, it is even possible to clone a human being. So, there is always a ethical and moral issue associated which should be properly discussed among fellow human being and rightly regulated.  
  
In conclusion, on the light of above discussed reasons, I truly believe that every candidates should get chance to decide the subjects they study which is beneficial for both the individual and society as a whole.  
  
one essay at one time please
Suraj, there is a lack of clarity in the essay that you presented. That is because you are not representing the public discussion of the two points of view in the essay. You have created a singular personal point of view discussion even as you have been told in the instructions to present a discussion of the 2 public points of view prior to a stand alone paragraph discussion of your personal opinion. It is not a one liner, it needs to be a complete paragraph.  
  
When you discussed the two points of view, a reference to the public reference of discussion is required. That way the reader knows that you are representing POV 1 then POV 2 before your personal point of view. This is done by referring to phrases such as "The group that believes that..." "When the public considers the discussion that...". Both of these sample phrases show ownership at the start of the paragraph which clarifies who is talking and in the process, indicates what type of point of view is discussed. This type of clarity will help to increase your scoring potential because the essay discussion becomes clearer to everyone reading the essay.  
  
Your reasoning is acceptable but is mostly presented as run-on sentences, Don't muddle the presentation with a series of reasons, one reason is sufficient, Just properly develop the explanation to make your words clear in meaning to the reader. Fully develop a single reason. It will score better than several under explained reasons in a single paragraph. Use simple sentences that have a clear meaning. Don't try to connect different ideas in one sentence presentation. That blurs the actual topic and meaning of the sentence and affects the clarity and coherence of your essay, as well as the GRA considerations when it comes to sentence structure and grammar considerations.
## Are famous people treated unfairly by the media?

  
***Should they be given more privacy, or is the price of their fame an invasion into their private lives?***  
  
Celebrities' privacy has long been a scorchingly debated issue in the public, and a majority of them feel that their personal life is being too much exposed and invaded by the media. From my viewpoint, though it may be unfair, being in the public eye is an inevitable part of the lifestyle they sign up for.  
  
First of all, it is unfair for the social media to penetrate deeply into well-known individuals' private lives. Specifically, with the increasing popularity of internet users, the press nowadays dominates various types of social network such as e-newspaper, TV, or Facebook. For example, a news about a celebrity's private love affair can go viral within seconds and attract more attention than any news of their temporary masterpiece. However, public figures want the public to pay more attention to their social life, current workpieces or the prestigious awards in the field they have been working at. They are ordinary people in terms of private life, and they have the basic human right to keep it as a secret as anyone else. Therefore, being exposed to public criticism for their personal affairs seems to be inappropriate and offensive. Moreover, rising to stardom means a celeb has to undergo enormous mental stress as they always have to be alert of paparazzis or stalkers, who are eager to find an opportunity to damage their public image and push them into hardship . Just a moment of carelessness can make their entire career vanish completely.  
  
However, I agree that living in a celebrity world has its price, which is a loss of privacy. Firstly, famous people are presented with a valuable gift of society's love, respect and attention, which decent people never have a chance to receive. The line between being focused on and being invaded is often murky, and sometimes their private life exposure by the media is something unavoidable. Secondly, it is celebrity's responsibility to maintain their image in front of the public, so leading an exemplary and innocent life is a way of responding love towards their fans and supporters. Therefore, compared to all the fame, love and materials celebrities achieve, having their personal lives exposed to the public can be considered a trivial downside.  
  
All in all, I believe that even though people with fame may be annoyed by the media revelation of their private affairs, it is no doubt a trade-off for being popular.