dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
It is commonly accepted that the rapid development of modern technology has fundamentally changed our lives.Especially, the advent of social media has revolutionised the way people communicate and interact with each other. Today, Individuals spend more and more time on various social networks, like Facebook, twitter and text messaging. Although whether the common phenomenon is a boon or bane is still open to debate. in consideration of it's negative effect on people's social interaction and career, as I see it, overusing electronic means of communication might do more harm than good.  
  
One reason why indulging in social networking can adversely affect people is that it is gradually weakening our connection in the real world. for example, instead of spending time outdoors having face-to-face communications, many of my friends who I used to hang out with now spend more time in their home, browsing the social networking sites or using WeChat, a sort of instant messager, on their cellphones. Since it is harder than before to stay connected with my friends, I feel a growing sense of alienation between us. In fact, in modern society, it is more difficult for people to distinguish between the meaningful relationships we foster in the real world, and the numerous casual relationships formed through social media. It leads to a phenomenon that the more time we spend on social networks, the more lonely we feel.  
  
In addition to causing the weakness in social skills, excessive use of social media also has serious impact on our work and study. As important sources of entertainment, when people get addicted to them, computer and cellphone must cause unwanted distractions on daily routines. In fact, addicting to these devices will disrupt regular plans and schemes inevitably. Take myself for an example, when I was in high school, I indulged in the cellphone. I exchanged text messages with my friends frequently even in class. This caused that I can not concentrate on my studies. The result can be imagined, I did not get ideal marks in the fall exam at that term. Additionally, Long time to play mobile phones or sit in front of computer screens can cause health problems such as memory loss and disturbances. It will indirectly influence people's efficiency and productivity. All these factors could cause people are not qualified for their work or study.  
  
Admittedly, modern electronic means of communications bring convenience for living. People can stay in touch with their families and friends through new technology wherever they are; And can get help in case of an emergency. However, it is undeniable that these new methods exert seriously negative influence on individuals and society. In conclusion, social networking serves as a double-edged sword. Only if we make good use of it will it do the most good.
**Some people say that the clothes people wear are the most important indication of what they are like. Others, however, say that people should not be judged by the clothes they wear. Discuss both of these views by the clothes they wear.**  
  
It is commonly believed by some that the attires people wear outside reflect their characteristics inside while others argue the outfits cannot be justified to judge people. To some extent I am in favour of clothes indicating one's personality even though I believe it needs further consideration when it comes to assessing people. By this I mean, their thoughts about themselves should be taken into account.  
  
Those who support the idea of fashion as a statement of one's personality believe such clothes mirroring what people like doing in their lives. For example, in the midst 1960 in America, there were people named themselves as hippie people who love listening to rock music and wearing such an eccentric attire. Because of loving those kinds of things so much, hippie people imitated the fashion of their idols into their lives, wearing a headband, John Lennon's glasses, and colorful clothes as a symbol of simplicity and peace.  
  
However, I firmly believe people cannot be merely judged with regards to what they wear because sometimes it is only a mandatory outfit from their office. For instance, people who work in a company such as in Garuda Indonesia airlines will always be wearing batik uniform, a traditional uniform from javanesse people in Indonesia, so as to make a good first impression to their clients so that a fluid, good communication can be made. As such, it does not mean what they wear mirroring the characteristic of themselves, what they think about themselves is more matter.  
  
In light of what has been mentioned, I would argue, although fashion plays significant role for the first impression when people meet, it does not mean reflecting one's characteristic. Thus, people cannot be assessed only by their appearance, because they have their own version about themselves based on their thoughts. That is an excerpt saying "do not judge book from its covers" which means do not judge people only due to their appearance.
Hello! I will give you some opinions about your essay.  
  
Introduction:  
(1) It is commonly believed by some **people** that the attires **which is** people ~~wear~~**worn** outside...  
  
Body 1:  
*Your first body paragraph is so good, but I suggest to give more emphasize regarding to our idea in the last sentece before turning to the next opinion*  
  
Body 2:  
*You have to devide your sentence in the example, because it takes too long.*  
... be wearing batik uniform, **which is** a traditional (...) people in Indonesia, *(stop here)* so as to make (...) to their clients**, they cannot only depend on their outfit, but also their speaking ability.** so that a fluid, good communication can be made **to impress customers**.  
  
Good luck!
**Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?**  
  
Answer:  
  
In this competitive era, having capability in second language is a requirement. Some people argue that it is important to young generation to be able to speak in different language to prepare themselves in long-run. I do believe that language is the crucial tool to be able to communicate to others. It should be started from an early age, due to the fact that language is a habit and certainly takes a long time.  
  
Learning in childhood is like carve in the stone. It means that when children get particular knowledge especially foreign language, they can catch it faster and saved firmly in their memory. A 2010 physiological education study revealed that the early age child can faster understand a case by watching and imitating. In the learning foreign language's case, when the children get earlier, they have much time to imitate, rehears and practice. Moreover, it can develop their self-confidence and knowledge as well. By understanding other language, they can study more references and comprehensive.  
  
In addition, in the event that the children who study foreign language in the early years, it help them to get good career in the long-run when they are an adult. It is generally fact that, as the world becomes more global, many companies require for participant who can communicate in other language. It is very helpful if the children can start their study earlier to prepare themselves to meet the requirement.  
  
To conclude, it is obviously seen that the young students will get a great quantities of lucks when they learn and practice foreign language from early age.
Dear AdmadNashrab ! Here are my suggestions for you :  
  
... that it is important ~~to~~for~~young generation~~the young to be able to speak in a different language to ...  
... that language is ~~the crucial tool~~a main key to be able to ...  
  
Learning in childhood is like ~~carve~~carving in the stone.  
~~Rehears~~rehearse  
By understanding ~~other~~another language  
it ~~help~~helps them to get a good career  
~~It is generally fact that~~in fact  
... students will get ~~a~~ great quantities of ~~lucks~~lucky
Hello. this is my suggestion  
i think your essay is really good. but let me give you my opinions  
1. be careful, to avoid repetition in preposition usage "to" you can use other prepositions that more suitable  
it think like this:  
... in order to be able to speak in different language to prepare themselves in long-run.  
  
2. there is double verb. i think you can change "carve" verb--> noun, [gerund]--> "carving"  
e.g.: Learning in childhood is like carving in the stone  
  
3. be careful, S (singular) + verb s/es  
it help--> it helps  
e.g.: it helps them to get good ...  
  
4. don't forget to add (comma) when you use conjunction "and"--->[........., ........., and.......]  
e.g.: ... time to imitate, rehears, and practice.  
i hope it will be useful
**Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sport facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and other measures are required.Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
Health is one of the essential part in human lives. Nowadays, there are a couple of measures to enhance public awareness about healthy lifestyle. Some people argue that setting more sport facilities will support them to incline their health level, while others say that it is not always the most effective way to deal with it. This following essay will discuss in detail about both ideas.  
  
On the one hand, some individuals consider that the best way to improve public health level is by providing more sport amenities in the society. This is because it tends to raise public awareness in their healthy life and gives a convenient way to access public sport services. In Jakarta, the government has installed several additional sport facilities in many parks such as jogging tracks, athletic fields, and mini gym to support "Jakarta Sehat 2017" programme. By doing this, many inhabitants can be avoided from any diseases caused by unhealthy lifestyle or sedentary activities such as obesity and hearth attack. As a result, adding public sport facilities lead linear progression in healthy level.  
  
On the other hand, the opponent groups argue that increasing sport center contributes slight effects in public health as they think that there are more effective and important activities such as healthy programmes. Taking Senam Sehat Jakarta as an example. Many governmental institutions require their officers to participate this programme. More broadly, well-prepared healthy program will give more impacts for people to have healthy lifestyle.  
  
All in all, it is clear to me that the government plays a vital role to campaign about healthy awareness for public. So, by combining both healthy programmes and facilities are able to develop public health. (280 words)
**Hi Abul.  
These are my thoughts towards your essay. I have read this closely. In my point of view, you have shown the positive progress. You could build this systematically. However, let me give you a few suggestion to finalize yours.**  
  
that it is not always the most effective way  
*Actually, you have paraphrased the statement well. I really got the points what you mean, but there was a minor meaning. It is different between little effect and "not always the most effective. If I relate to your sentence, Improving the sports facilities sometimes become the best alternative. Be careful of the meaning of the sentences what you paraphrased.*  
  
This following essay will discuss in detail about both ideas.  
*Avoid the sentences like this. It seemed like the hackneyed sentence because a bunch of people uses it. I suggest you mention 1 or 2 words to describe your position on the matter.*  
  
~~On the one hand,~~*(You picked up the linking word inappropriately)* some individuals consider (...) by providing more sportS amenities in the society. This is because it tends to ~~raise~~ ENHANCE public awareness in (...) to access public sportS services.  
  
... several additional sportS facilities in many ...  
*(although you got the simple example, you can guide readers to understand your mind and related to the topic. Good Job)*  
  
Many governmental institutions require their officers to participate this programme.  
*Your explanation about the example is less strong. I have not found the logic flow of your explmanations. Please, you improve this section.*  
  
All in all, it is clear to me that the government plays a vital role ...  
*Really, this is out of the topic. I remember you that when you wanna create the conclusion, you relate to the thesis statement. That is very different.*
Hello! I will give you some opinions about your essay.  
  
*You did well in your introduction, but unfortunately your first body paragraph should not use 'on the other hand' for state your first sentence.  
'On the other hand' can be used when you state contradiction after explaining the opposite one*  
  
(1) ~~On the one hand~~ , some individuals (...) way to improve ~~public health~~**healthy lifestyle** level is by providing ...  
*Public health refers to "the science and art of preventing disease, prolonging life and promoting health through organized efforts and informed choices of society, organizations, public and private, communities and individuals."*  
  
(2) This is because ~~it tends to~~**these facilities can help to** raise public awareness ...  
  
(3) **For example or instance,** In Jakarta ....  
  
(4) All in all, it is clear ~~to me~~ that the government ...  
*Your conclusion start out of topic, because you do not have to mention about the government, but you should emphasize regarding to your idea about providing sport amenities and health programmes*
**In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?**  
  
Over decades, youngsters are lack of free time for their leisure activities in some countries in the world. Moreover, in the school, they have a lot of tasks or assignment from their teacher. Therefore, it is really important to know what the causes are and how to cope the notion.  
  
Most of parents send their children to the reputable school and expect their children to acquire acceptable education quality. They sometimes ask to the children to have additional studying in the course especially at difficult subject such as math and science. As a consequent, they spend their time for studying mostly and when weekend come they just want to take rest at home preparing for school in the following day without thinking again to take a holiday for refreshing. In addition, the government in some countries has increased the extent of study program in order to improve the educational level of young generation. Although, it would make them more productive, students have to work extremely hard so that they suffer from studying too much.  
  
In my opinion, there are some solutions that can solve those problems certainly. Firstly, parents should understand that learning too much is not good for children's health mentally or physically. They also need some break times to enjoy their hobbies or at least going to holiday with their peers. Secondly, education authorities should alter the study program to make it suitable for students. They should make sure whether the program that they have implemented to the schools is beneficial for the students in order to create acceptable quality of students or not.  
  
In conclusion, the clear communication between parents and children about studying schedule are required to make balance between their obligation about school and utilizing their leisure time for doing holiday or hobbies. Then, a support from the government makes perfect to solve the problems.
**Hi Miss Asma.  
These are a few suggestions to finalize your essay. hopefully, these can help you as well as possible.  
GOOD LUCK**  
  
Over decades, youngsters ~~are~~*(You have to remember that each sentence only has one main verb)*lack of free time ...  
  
Therefore, it is really important to know what ...  
*The thesis statement is supposed to include your opinion or view on the matter. Avoid the sentence like that above because it seemed like the hackneyed sentence. You should show your opinion about the causes and solutions although only one or 2 sentences represent.*  
  
the government in some countries has increased the ...  
*Actually, you successfully explain the cause of the problem. I got the points which you mean. However, for the second opinion, you still need developing yours. You have to add the supporting sentences to strengthen your view. Please, you do not show novelty if you cannot review deeply. It is better you focus on one idea.*  
  
Firstly, parents should understand that learning too much is not good for children's health mentally or physically  
I think this is not the solution. This tends to be a notice. You can offer like this "THE PARENTS REQUIRE MANAGE THE TIME OF THEIR CHILDREN BETWEEN STUDYING ADN PLAYING BY MAKING A CONSULTATION WITH A PSYCHOLOGY SO THAT THEY CAN EQUALIZE BETWEEN THOSE TOW ACTIVITIES.  
  
In conclusion, the clear communication between parents ...  
*You should remember that the conclusion relates to the thesis statement.*
**The charts below show the result of surveys in 2005 and 2009 asking workers about their relationships with their supervisors and their co-workers.**  
  
The pie charts show the connection between the employees' supervisors and co-workers from survey which is held in two different years. Overall, most of employees have a very good relationship between their senior and junior in their workplace. Relationship was getting higher in 2005 and 2009.  
  
In 2005, there was 61 percent of employees had a very good relationship with their supervisors. In the next four years survey, that relationship was stronger about 65 percent. In contrast, good and fair connection decreased by 4 percent and 2 percent. Unfortunately, from twice surveys, there was 2 percent of employees had poor relationships with their supervisors  
  
From two different years surveys, very good relationships between employees and co-workers increased from 63 percent to 70 percent. However, there was a slight decrease in good and fair connection by 3 percent and 4 percent. In 2009, none of the employees had a poor relationship with their co-workers even they still had a fair relationship about 3 percent with their co-workers.  
  
*   
*Pie Charts*
... the employees' supervisors and co-workers from ...  
... the employees' managers and peers from surveys which was held in ...  
a. be careful with past tense  
b. be careful with noun plural  
c paraphrase question and avoid repetitive word  
you can change :  
supervisors ----------> bosses , managers , directors  
co-workers --------> peers, workmates , colleagues  
  
... 61 percent of employees had a category "very good" relationship with their supervisors.
**Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?**  
  
In globalized era, children have to be able to speak in any foreign languages to communicate with the outside world. Some experts argue if children these days should learn a foreign language as soon as they start school. While I believe that this idea has advantages and disadvantages, yet I personally argue that it has more positive effects instead of the negatives.  
  
First of all, if ones wants to get outcome soon, they have to start sooner. The early children who learn a foreign language in their golden age tend to be a fast learner. This is because in the early ages, their brain has a sensitive nerve cell to memorize everything quickly. According to Anna Maria's research, an educational experts found that around 95% of the brain growth is in the first or second ages. As a result, it is the best occasion for children to recognize words so that they are able to speak more than one language in the early stage. More broadly, children who learn a foreign language in their early years are more likely to achieve high result, as they do not worry to be afraid about mistakes when they start to speak. A study of this topic in 1998 reported that the early children do not afraid of making grammatical errors on their speaking. Hence, they have a better chance to get right pronunciation or accent of a language through their repetition words and sentences.  
  
However, the drawback of this is in their native language developments. Although they are able to speak and write in a foreign language frequently, they tend to develop their mother tongue. This is because they just focus on memorizing foreign words and implementing them into their routine communication with their peers or relatives. Taking Indonesian students as an example. When they take international schools as their formal education, they are forced to speak and write in English every day. Then, Bahasa as their native language is not performed well in their daily activities.  
  
Overall, I think that it is really essential for children to learn a foreign language in their early stages due to its benefits in their life. Therefore, I firmly believe that learning a foreign language at primary schools is the best time for children to develop and gain more knowledge. (384 words)
Being healthy is a right for all societies all over the world. Some of the inhabitants utter that enhance the proportion of sports facilities are the best way to develop public health: in contrast, another side reveals it would give a slight impact to public health and need more other actions. These statements are valid; it depends on of our effort and support on both sides.  
  
In the first place, societies have an assumption that public health assisted by increasing of sports facilities. I do really believe that people really supports the aforesaid statement. In 2015, there were many public sports fields all over housing in east Jakarta constructed by the government of Jakarta. It makes the resident of housing more productive with doing some exercises such aerobic, playing badminton, or football. Thus, it was very helpful to maintain public health.  
  
Apart from the previous discussion, other inhabitants state opposite statement that sports facilities affect the public health slightly. I agree with the aforementioned pronouncement as well, due to the fact that it must be supported by others proceeding. According to Kompas.com, there are many types of research that disclose public health. Apart from sports facilities, inhabitants necessitate many actions such as encourage a healthy lifestyle and establish few sports group to accommodate people that have enormous desire for being healthy.  
  
The evidence shows that the rise of public sports facilities boosts up awareness of public health. Nevertheless, it should be supported by others real action. The fusion of both aspects could improve public health.