dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
You have made a mistake int he wording of your task response. The error in response presentation is what will cause the TA score of your essay to fall under the failing mark. You did not respond to the question; "To what extent do you agree or disagree?". The answer you provided created a prompt deviation which changed the discussion topic and response to be different from what is required. Hence this essay will not achieve a passing score.  
  
While you provided an explanation for your sentiment in the discussion, the lack of direct response to the question, which is required for the prompt paraphrase is the main reason why this essay will be considered weak. Since your TA response is problematic, there is a question as to whether the essay actually responds to the prompt or not.  
  
The answer is that the essay response itself, along with the incorrect discussion question response will result in a failed essay test for you. This is a single opinion essay that asks you to represent the strength of your belief in the given discussion based on 2 fully explained reasons. Your response is a comparative presentation that indicates that you do not have a clear point of view for the discussion. It also represents a lack of English comprehension skills on your part. Both of which are additional reasons that this essay cannot get a passing score.  
  
You should review the sample essays at this forum before you write another practice test. You must familiarize yourself with the different discussion requirements. There is a need for you to understand when to use a comparative essay (Advantage v Disadvantage / Discuss both points of view) and when you should discuss only a single opinion (Agree or Disagree / Extent Essay). Once you can tell the difference between discussion formats based on the instructions provided, you should be able to present a more properly formatted essay response.
## Endangered animals protection

  
  
**Topic: Nowadays, many animal species are becoming extinct. Some people believe that countries and individuals must solve this problem, others believe that humans being are more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.**  
  
While the human world is becoming more and more developed, the world of animals is on the verge of extinction. There are 2 main arguments drawn: nations and individuals must take responsibility for this issue; others claim that human is the priority. In my opinion, I totally agree with the first one.  
  
Firstly, the extinction of animals should be obligated by countries and individuals because human life 's development has damaged the habitat of them for a long time. In order to improve living standards and meet the demands in many fields, people are always willing to destroy the forests and make advantages of wood. These lead to an imbalance in the ecosystem and they would die due to the lack of food, being hard to reproduction, etc. Therefore, I believe that people including countries and individuals should propose the solutions to prevent the issue.  
  
Secondly, some people prefer to the human than the extinction of animals. It means they only focus on the benefits they could obtain and all ignore the problems of their activities that might cause negative effects such as a huge number of animal species would be disappeared if they continued to cut down the forest and take a big amount of animal habitat. Thereby, the environment would be seriously harmed and then affect the sake of themselves. In my perspective, it is not good once people do not put their consideration enough for the extinction of animals.  
  
In conclusion, the extinction of many animal species should be cared much more and the countries and individuals should contribute to limit the issue.  
  
I'm very grateful if you can give me some comments!
hi , i have some comments for you:  
  
the habitat of them => their natural habitats  
  
to destroy the forests and make advantages of wood => to deforest for industrial/economical purpose  
  
These lead to an imbalance in the ecosystem and they would die ... => who are they? you mentioned people in the previous sentence, which means this they refers to them (human, not animal)  
  
Secondly, some people prefer to the human ... => not a good topic sentence, you need to be more specific  
  
... they could obtain and ~~all~~ ignore the problems ... => misuse of conditional sentence, you should have used type 1 since this is an assumption for the future.  
  
it is not good => you should try using other academic words  
  
what you should do in the last paragraph is paraphrase the prompt again and restate your opinion
## wasting money on the arts?

  
  
Hi, this is my first attempt to write an IELTS Writing Task 2.  
Can someone estimate the band score of this writing please?  
  
Thank you all!  
  
ART TOPIC: **Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere.  
To what extend do you agree or disagree?**  
  
*WORD COUNT: 253*  
  
------------  
It is thought by some individuals that the investments of many governments in the arts are pointless and should be reallocated to other beneficial sectors. I completely disagree with this point of view.  
  
Arts cultivate a society from the individual level. They have a magical ability to enrich a person's soul with various degrees of enjoyment. These exclusive personal experiences then have the power to evoke one's creativity and may become his/her inspirations and immense life motivation. In fact, an overwhelming majority of Nobel Prize winners share common interests in arts - from playing classical pianos to producing oil paintings in their leisure time. Consequently, it is evident to claim that by encouraging the positive development of arts, countries are educating decent citizens.  
  
On a bigger scale, arts conserve and promote a nation's cultural traditions and heritages. Different forms of artwork together reflect the length of history of society; hence, they are invaluable assets. Even more, with appropriate advertising strategies, a country can promote its unique cultural identity to the world to develop tourism. Every year, millions of K-pop fans travel to Korea to attend concerts and movie-lovers come to see the beauty of the country after watching unforgettable scenes onscreen. Korea has made wise and strong investments into its music and movie industries and the success has been tremendous such that its economy arguably relies on the arts now.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that arts have beneficial influences on a country from different levels and aspects, and should receive adequate financing to support.
You presented solid reasoning paragraphs. Each paragraph has an applicable topic sentence, is well supported by the discussion, and has the convincing power to win over the reader to your side of the discussion. However, you are under representing your writing skills by not writing at least 275 words for this essay. I would like you to practice writing between 275-290 words. This is the magic word count that helps you write the proper number of words to score higher overall.  
  
In this essay, you referenced his/her in the discussion. You should only pick one default gender reference for your presentation. The normally default gender is male for most countries so "his" would have been the more appropriate choice for this discussion. Always be decisive in your references, do not show uncertainty in your presentation as it could affect your grammar range and accuracy score.  
  
The opening paragraph and closing summary should both be composed of 3-5 sentences. That means, you need to divide each discussion point in the presentation. One for each reason. Your final score should be anywhere from a 5.5 to a 6. I base this score on the accuracy of your discussion in relation to the prompt requirement, the errors in sentence presentations, and the development of your discussion points.
***Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest time of most people's lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibility.***  
  
## Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

  
  
Answer:  
Some think that youth is the best time of their lives, while others argue old age was the happiest. While it is more acceptable due to exploring themselves by trying new experiences at school and career, I believe in adults enjoying life as a result of their hard work.  
  
The happiness of youth striving for education and career is something memorable towards a successful future. Youth struggle especially with colleagues is certainly an unforgettable beautiful moment, however it will be remembered as pleasant moments for everyone. An Indonesian successful lawyer always remembers his youth as the happiest moment. During his master's and doctoral education in Australia was unforgettable moments, especially when he had challenging case projects with his colleagues such as the joyful moments when they had successfully completed it as his first international experience. I believe behind someone's success there must be the happiest moment that can't be seen by others, the struggle of youth is one of them.  
  
The satisfaction and financial adequacy were valued strong reasons to enjoy life in old age, especially to face greater responsibilities as parents. A successful future was actually the happiest goal after the hard effort they had, failure in youth is a reason for success in the future. For instance, an Indonesian businessman namely Rico Huang got his success after several failures. Rico started his business by selling various foods, but due to limited knowledge in the culinary, finally he lost even up to 15 million in just 4 days. But then he switched to mobile phone businesses and selling them through various social media. Finally, this marketing strategy gets a positive response from market demand and ensures his old age to be a happier life.  
  
In conclusion, many youngster enjoy their time to encourage themselves to be great people, while receiving income and enjoying old age quietly will bring more happiness. However, joyful moments depend on what makes us comfortable and happy, sometimes it doesn't matter what age it is.
Hi!  
- I think that you should replace "..." with "while others argue old ages bring the most joy"  
  
- "While it is more acceptable due to ..."  
--> Personally, I will write it as: "While exploring new things at a young age can be amusing, I believe that a person may enjoy life more as an adult through achievements in his/her career."  
  
- "is certainly an unforgettable beautiful moment, however ..."  
--> beautiful moment = pleasant moment, therefore "however" is a wrong linking word.  
  
I think that overall, you should practice generating more logical and persuasive arguments.  
  
Best regards.
The justification paragraphs are not properly formatted. While you did good work in referencing second person pronouns, you should not have attached a single liner personal opinion at the end. Your personal opinion should be presented in one of two formats:  
  
1. As a strongly developed part of the public point of view discussion ;  
2. As a separate paragraph composing the 3rd presentation in the essay.  
  
It is always better to present that personal point of view as a stand alone paragraph so that you can clearly and completely support your point of view with valid reasons and example presentations. Based on the complete reading of your essay, it appears that you did not fully explain nor present your personal opinion. Since that completely developed presentation is missing, you will have a reduced score as you failed to completely develop all discussion points as indicated in the original prompt.
## Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists but not by local people.

  
***Why is this the case and what can be done to attract more local people to visit these places?***  
  
It is undeniable that the local people tend to travel internationally or nationally, they barely choose their local attractions to explore. This phenomenon is supposed to result from several reasons. To tackle this matter, solutions should be applied to change the situation in a positive way.  
  
To begin with, the main cause originated in lacking of knowledge. The local people don't comprehend about their region history leading to unaware of the importance of attractions. They seem to amuse visiting places overseas or famous monuments that promoted on the Internet. They prefer traveling to strange places to visiting in their town, despite without knowledge about local places.  
  
To address this, the government needs to encourage people to acquire local understanding as educating in school as well as organize knowledge competitions locally. The second key to deal with is that the government gives more incentives for local people to visit local attractions. For example, Ba Đen mountain is one of the most sacred places that lots of both international and national visitors. In recently, the government has promoted to local people by making discount for the people having local identification, I think it is considered to be an ingenious advertisement campaign.  
  
In conclusion, the best way to increase the number of tourists evenly in local places by making sure that both sides have equal benefits. Not only the promotion and encouragement from local will help the town 's famous sights become well-known but also the tourism and economy will thrive.
In my opinion in the introduction paragraph (paragraph 1) you should mention the ideas about the cause of the problem and the solution, then develop it in the following paragraph. Here is my own version for the first paragraph:  
  
... tend to travel abroad than choose their local attractions to explore. While it is more acceptable due to the lack of information about local destinations, I believe the role of the government is certainly needed to promote their local tourism in order to increase the appeal of the community.
Hi. You might want to reorganize your introduction paragraph to include also the general overview of the problem and solution, perhaps something like :  
  
"... be caused by several reasons such as **(you can fill the reason(s) here).** ... problem can be easily tackled by **(here's the big picture of your solution(s))**"  
  
... main cause ~~originated in lacking of knowledge~~ --> originates from the lack of knowledge.  
Since your main cause is due to the lack of knowledge of the locals, i think you should focus on developing this idea such as elaborating why do the locals have a only a minimum knowledge rather than jumping to a promotion reason. This also applies to the solution paragraph. Rather than writing about incentives and also the examples that i think is unrelated to your problem at all (because your example is more on a promotion (again) rather than knowledge broadening (which is your main reason)), why not provide an explanation on the effect of your solutions on the locals instead.  
  
A tip to be on the safer side, provide a solution and example related only to the cause you presented to keep it coherence.  
  
Hopefully this can somehow helps you. Cheers :)
Your second and third paragraphs need more development. The second paragraph should focus on the reason why people from the country do not visit their own tourist destinations. You should not refer to the international tourists in that section. Just explain the reason why the locals don't go to that place. For clarity, use a specific example from your personal knowledge. That helps clarify your point in the paragraph.  
  
The third paragraph, uses too many reasons without any solid justification. Just use one suggest solution. Fully explain your reason for this suggestion. Indicate what you base your suggestion on (example). Then support the example with information about how the local tourists came and helped the area become more popular among the citizens of the country.  
  
Expanding on your explanations should help you better meet the word count and also, allow you to deliver completely developed paragraphs.
**## Globalization has both advantages and disadvantages.

  
*Discuss both and give your opinion.***  
  
In the society with advanced technology, the world becomes closer and globalization brings many benefits in the economy and other fields, but also some drawbacks. In my opinion, I believe globalization has its own disadvantages besides its advantages, but globalization is the key to developing the international economy and improving the quality of life for people worldwide.  
  
One economic benefit to having globalization is that it would give more opportunities for trading. Free trade makes the world smaller, which means there are more exchanging goods between countries. In other words, the global market will be more flourishing and competitive, which is beneficial for the customers to have lower costs of products. Another advantage is that there is the spread of technology and innovation which is a good chance for local companies to access brand new technology from all over the world, so there are more job opportunities.  
  
On the other hand, there are some obvious disadvantages from globalization. Firstly, in an open market today, people are easily vulnerable to infectious diseases that can affect numerous people in a short time. Secondly, growing society based on globalization negatively impacts the environment when people destroy forests because of the need for more spaces for manufacturing and housing. Transport systems and goods production lead to air and water pollution. Lastly, the job market will be more competitive that may cause losing local jobs and more people will be unemployed if they stop learning and catching up with the world.  
  
In conclusion, globalization has both its benefits and challenges in the long run. Except from the drawbacks of globalization, I think globalization is a necessary step for international economic development and better life quality for people.
Be careful with articles, society does not have "the"  
  
You may say Globalisation is a double sword in terms of economy and society.  
"On the other hand" should come along with "On one hand" You should not use either of it alone  
We usually say vulnerable to infectious disease is enough, you dont have to add easily  
  
Overall, the ideas are fine but you the linkage of ideas is not enough. Be careful with your grammer!  
Good luck :)
There is something incorrect about the prompt you presented. A comparative or advantage disadvantage essay is never paired with a personal opinion presentation. The personal opinion is, by regular standards, always part of a public opinion comparative discussion of 2 separate points of view. I do not believe that this is the correct prompt for this essay. You created your own prompt, which is not in accordance with the regular IELTS essay requirements. Do not create your own prompts for this task, you should only be using the proper and advised practice prompts.  
  
Based on this discussion instruction though, I can tell you that you are not supposed to give an opinion within the prompt restatement. The opinion is not given in that portion because the personal point of view is based on the strength of your belief in the reasoning of the comparative discussion. As such, you first need to discuss both the advantage and disadvantage, creating a personal opinion as a 3rd to the last paragraph. Your presentation comes across as a generalized discussion that does not have a personal point of view presented. This is due to the lack of 1st person pronoun usage throughout the essay. Discuss both views should have had group pronoun usage of the 2nd reference kind to show the differences in discussion presentations of the advantage and disadvantage before your personal point of view.
***It is neither possible nor useful to provide university places for a high proportion of young people.*  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Thanks to the rapid development of the economy, attending higher education in most countries seems to be quite popular. However, some people remain skeptical about the possibility and practical benefits of arranging adequate university institutions for the use of numerous students. In my perspective, I strongly disagree with that idea and will discuss all reasons in this essay.  
  
To begin with, it is practical to provide almost all young adults with access to tertiary education. It is sensible that some people believe that the more educational institutes built, the more financial burden will be put on citizens. However, this problem could be tackled by properly and economically locating schools. For example, in Vietnam, instead of gathering all universities in some big cities, the Vietnamese government has encouraged several schools to implement their branches in some smaller cities. Thanks to this, the number of students attending these local educational places has increased noticeably. This also reduces financial burden on learners since they are able to cut expenditure on renting accommodation, food, and utilities.  
  
Looking on the other side of the problem, the idea that the availability of universities is unhelpful is completely disagreed because of the fact that formal qualifications have a vital role in the future of young people. Therefore, if a student opts for pursuing tertiary education, he will be likelier to not only have opportunities to broaden his theoretical knowledge but also expand his social network and acquire practical skills by participating in extracurricular activities. This will be in his favour and differentiate him from other peers who choose to opt out higher education when both being considered by employers.  
  
In conclusion, perceiving that giving access to higher education for a large number of young adults is not entirely impossible or worthless for two major reasons which are the sensible of schools' locations and the significance of pursuing university to students, I strongly believe that people should pay attention to this matter more carefully.
You did not need to include irrelevant information in the opening paraphrase. Use only the information located in the original prompt to retain the essence and subjectivity of the original presentation. To extend the response to the 5 sentence maximum, outline your 2 discussion topics after you present your extent opinion in the paragraph. That will help you score better because you will prove your ability to properly restate the prompt and also, outline your discussion points in a manner that helps the reader understand the flow of the presentation (cohesiveness).  
  
In paragraph 2, you should have stopped after the justification of how the increased number of schools in smaller cities has helped increase student attendance. The topic of food, utilities and rent was not developed and as such, created a problem in the presentation. You were not able to justify that evidence presentation. So the paragraph became under developed and under explained. Without that extra topic, the paragraph was fully developed.  
  
As for the 3rd paragraph, you should not have said that you are looking at the other side of the problem because you were still focused on the same evidentiary discussion. That of proving your point of view to be correct. That opening presentation in the 3rd paragraph threw the presentation off and would have affected the C&C score of your essay. To say you are looking at the other side of the problem means you will be presenting a opposing point of view discussion, which isn't what you did in that paragraph.  
  
Good job on creating a concluding summary. Bad job in the discussion presentation. Do not use a run-on sentence. You need to present it in individualized sentences with one topic per sentence. You still need to meet the 3-5 sentence requirement for that paragraph.