dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Okay, if this is the first essay you have ever written for the Task 2 portion of the test, then I can understand why the writing is confused and does not follow the required discussion parameters for the instructions provided. Kindly remember to time yourself while writing the practice essays. Set the timer to 40 minutes then write. You will find that between brainstorming, outlining, drafting, reviewing, and finally, editing the paper, you will not have time to write 346 words. The ideal is 250-300 words at all times. It is the magic number for the time provided.  
  
The one thing that you did right, although not in perfect English sentences, is the writing of the prompt restatement + writer's opinion. It was on track, provided an insight into the incoming discussion as it relates to the writer's opinion, and clearly represents the upcoming discussion. While the sentence structure and word usage has problems throughout the essay, I have to say that the writer was still able to provide explanations clearly, without confusing the reader.  
  
As for the problems in the writing, the scoring will be limited to that of an under developed essay presentation due to the incorrect discussion format used. Comparison essays are only used when the instruction is " Discuss both views" . It cannot be used anywhere else. For this particular discussion the writing should have focused on representing how disadvantages are actually advantages. The format is:  
  
Sentence 1: Disadvantage subject  
Sentence 2: Explain the disadvantage  
Sentence 3: Oppose the disadvantage  
Sentence 4: Explain why it is an advantage  
Sentence 5: Use a relevant example to close the paragraph.  
  
The same format may be used for an "advantage is a disadvantage" discussion as well. This is the format the examiner is looking for. This is the discussion that will be considered a fully developed presentation since there will be 2 paragraphs that discuss the topic in the same format. There will be a cohesive discussion present.  
  
The writer also needs to familiarize himself with the concluding summary presentation. A personal opinion in the final paragraph is considered a non-concluding presentation. The result of which will be failing overall score because the writer did not complete the test with the presentation of a concluding reverse paraphrase.  
  
Is there a chance the examinee can achieve his target score? Definitely. He shows a good grasp of the topic, which I hope will be the same for other topics in the test. By further developing his English sentence structure skills and working on providing the correct discussion format per essay instruction, he can slowly work his way towards meeting his ideal score.
## More and more people are becoming seriously overweight.

  
***Some people say that the price increase of fattening foods will solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?***  
  
Obesity rates around the world seems to be ever-increasing and some argue that by raising the amount of money people are having to pay for greasy fast food, the issue will be tackled. Personally, I totally disagree with this idea as little amount of change will be made and it may unneccesarily bring about a financial inconvenience for those who consider those types of foods as nice treatments at weekends.  
  
My belief is that if this idea is brought into effect, no pronounced difference will be experienced. People these days turn to fast food not just because of its appetizing look and good taste but also because of its fast nature. They are seriously caught up in the city rat race and there is basically too little time to make a home-cooked meal, especially after an exhausting day at work. Therefore, even if the number on price tag is made bigger, it is likely that purchasers still choose them, sacrificing a small proportion of their income for a significant amount of time saved from preparing a healthy meal.  
  
Furthermore, what should not be ignored is that there are many people who consume these foods as an indulgence occasionally will sustain this financial consequence because of other people's actions. This is extremely unfair because children from low-income families will be deterred from enjoying this small pleasure. When they turn into teenagers, socializing is essential and fast food is often consumed in those occasions. In this case, the price will unnecessarily constitute a challenge for them to make friends. It is common sense that no one should be deprived of happiness when a policy is released, therefore, it seems to me that such approach should not be the right one.  
  
In conclusion, I am totally opposed to this suggestion on the grounds that it would be ineffective given people's being fully occupied with work and the fairness it will definitely fail to achieve.
Do not overstate /exaggerate the discussion. Where in the original prompt does it make reference to a worldwide obesity trend? It is important that the original information is restated without changing the information provided. When infomation is added, the writer will lose points due to task inaccuracy violations. This first paragraph is definitely not going to help the essay start off with a passing score. It is a failing paragraph. The writer's opinion is improperly presented as well since it is a run on sentence. The thesis statement should cover 2 sentences since there are 2 unrelated ideas being used to support the writer's opinion. Do not try to circumvent the scoring considerations. That is why this essay is starting with a preliminary failing score from which it may not recover.  
  
The other reason this essay is not going to pass is the conclusion. It is another run on sentence that does not meet the 40 word requirement. The summary conclusion should be presented over 3 sentences at the most. These stated reasons are going to be the basis of the failing score of the essay. Even though the reasoning paragraphs contain good reasons but imperfect sentence representations, the writer may not receive a passing score.
## traditional newspapers or online media?

  
  
In recent years, the methods to receive information have been a topic of debate in many parts of the world. While I am convinced that reading newspapers benefits readers, I also believe that other media are effective to people.  
  
On the one hand, although we are living in the age of the internet, newspapers are still a reliable source of information among readers. Firstly, newspapers always provided accurate information. Because, it is news sources of mainstream institutions, everything is censored before the information is published. Secondly, unlike newspapers, news on social media almost does not check which leads to providing incorrect information. That information distorts the reader's perceptions and makes confusion. That is exactly why people should stay alert to news online.  
  
On the other hand, the undeniable fact that learning news through social media is more popular. In a digital world, people can read news very easily and faster. Everyone has internet connected devices like smartphone, tablet or laptop thus users just surf social networks or websites to read many news immediately. Besides, because newspaper's propagate slower, the information does not break news toward readers. To have one newspaper it has to go through many steps such as check, edit, censor and print before it comes to everyone. Therefore, getting updates through other media is one of the top priorities, especially among young people.  
  
In conclusion, both newspapers and other media have advantages and disadvantages. Choosing the methods to receive news could depend on each person and the type of need.
The writer's discussion presentation does not follow the discussion requirements as originally stated. The first version indicated differening public opinions and a request to have the writer compare and contrast these opinions with his personal thoughts on the subject. The writer did not reflect these requirements in his prompt restatement + writer's opinion paragraph. Neither did he utilize the public v. personal comparison paragraphs in the reasoning presentation. The viewpoints are solely from a personal opinion, which does not offer a look into an opposing insight, thus allowing the reader to come to his own conclusion regarding the discussion. While the reasons presented are relevant and interesting to read about, the minute it did not use the correct discussion format, the essay already failed to get a passing score. Why? It only addressed one point of view where comparative public and personal POV's are required.
You followed the format of a "discuss both views and give your own opinion" instead of a "to what extent" essay. And I think that's why it is not bold enough to convince readers and leave something of a long-lasting impression.  
  
In this type of essay, I suggest you make the second body paragraph a counter-argument one if you want to make your essay stronger. But in this case in which you intend to write a balance essay, I think to emphasize your position using phrase like "partly agree" is essential as it makes clear and indicates that you are responding to the instruction.
***Some think that people should not change their jobs while others think they should because it brings advantages for themselves, company and society.***  
## Discuss and give opinion.

  
  
These days, owing to the development of technologies, namely the Internet, people have more opportunities in seeking jobs, which eventually culminates in the increasing rate of changing current occupations. It is thought by many individuals that this tendency should be encouraged more because of unrivaled benefits, while others opine the opposite. From my standpoint, I am in of tune with the former stand, and in this essay, I will discuss further my verdict.  
  
It is fathomable that moving on to a new appointment is not a favorable choice for many people. Standing behind this is the fact that it can affect the financial stability of a person. As a striking illustration, in Asian countries such as China or Vietnam, high school students are deliberately guided to choose their most fitting occupation, which constitutes perpetual, in vocational courses organized by the school. It is due to the belief that the time spent on finding a new job may be extended which can cause acute effects on the finance of an individual. Additionally, the lack of confidence to find a new, suitable job is also a plausible reason. Because of social prejudice toward people who are jobless, many individuals are disheartened to quit their current occupations. Thus, it is common sense that there are many adherents to the latter view.  
  
Nonetheless, on the other hand, proponents of the first view also have numerous rational reasons to fortify their opinion. One justification usually brought up is the fulfillment of working in the right place. There are many things that cause people to quit, and one of these is the detrimental working environment, such as negative coworkers, and boss, which can result in the apprehension and depression of an employee. Moreover, being employed in a more suitable position can create enthusiasm fostering people to work assiduously and persistently, which is not only beneficial to the workers themselves but also to the company or the business they are working for. Because of these above reasons, I am wholeheartedly on the side with the first view.  
  
To conclude, the former belief is totally compelling for me because of several factors such as the mental health caused by egregious workplaces and the contentment of working in the preferable job.
There is no platform indicated in the original prompt for the subject provided. The writer should not have indicated any basis for the reasoning in his presentation either. That is because doing so changed the viewpoint of the original prompt, resulting in an alter topic presentation and a non=passing restatement scoring consideration. The writer should always quickly restate the topic, without adding information that will alter the original discussion points. The total paragraph will actually make the essay receive a failing score due to prompt and opinion inaccuracies. The writer committed the biggest error in writing the task 2 essay. He actually began his discussion in the first paragraph. An action that is frowned upon since it does not provide the necessary prequalifying score criteria for the presentation. The essay has already failed and need not be reviewed further. The writer must learn to prevent himself from starting his reasoning discussions in the first paragraph. The reasoning summary can be provided but the full developed discussion needs to be found in the 2 public v. personal reasoning paragraphs instead.
## A family outing

  
  
During my recent holiday, I had a family outing in Binh Thuan, and I had a memorable experience there. I still remember it was very cool that night, so after eating dinner, my brother and I decided to stroll by motorbike. But we got lost because we were absorbed in enjoying the beautiful scenery here. Unfortunately, at that time, our motorbike was almost out of gas, and neither of us had a cell phone so we couldn't contact our parents. I felt very nervous. Fortunately, I found some money in my pocket, enough for us to fill up with gas to continue our way home. Moreover, we met a friendly policeman who lent me his phone and showed us the way home. At that time, I felt fortunate to have made it home and was very grateful to the policeman that day.
Try to better set the stage for the adventure. That can be accomplished by indicating the season, the year, or the holiday that was being celebrated. The year is not as important as the background of the story. The story is too dry and boring. It just states the facts as it happened. There is no part that would hold the interest of the reader. We need a multi-dimensional representation of the event and characters. Put some excitement into the narration. Add some dialogue. Heighten the worry and confusion that you and your brother may have felt at the time. Create a stronger sense of relief towards the end. The story has a good foundation. It is the narration that needs better development.
If this was a part 2 speaking, I think it will be too short to reach a 2-minute talk or else you have to speak very slow which will affect your fluency. You have a story but it leaves me no impression. Maybe you need to spice it up by exaggerating your experience a little bit, making it more dramatic and therefore more interesting. No one will penalize you for making up some details or if you wanna stick to the truth, you should try to describe more about every detail you mention:  
  
For example: "But we got lost because ..." After this sentence, you can tell the examiner about how beautiful it is like: in front of us was the breath-taking landscape in which mountains and the starry night sky blended to make a picturesque scene.  
  
Or when you mention that your vehicle ran out of gas and then you find some pocket money, it was too easy and forgettable as you weren't caught up in a really difficult situation. Try to alter it like you and your brother have to walk home and tow the motorbike along with. How tired and desperate you and your brother were until you met a police, which was a miracle!. You see? There will be more to speak about.
***The main aim of advertising campaign is to increase sales of a certain product, but people don't really need it.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
It is undeniable that advertisement was born to boost product sales and many people hold the opinion that advertisement serves the primary purpose of profit-making from dispensable merchandise. In my opinion, I totally disagree with this idea as commercial advertising helps us to make the right purchase decisions and what really affect the people's choice of products are spending power and their need.  
  
The first reason why advertising should not be deemed only profit-seeking is that it has constantly making people aware of the latest features of a new product. Through all kinds of advertisement presented everywhere, from the banner on a building to commercial breaks between shows on television, people are introduced to what is available now in the market, together with the information about the price range and new unique features. Based on this, customers will themselves decide whether they need it, not the advertisement will.  
  
Second, without advertisement, people virtually can not draw a comparison between different items that serve the same purpose. For example, when a technologically illiterate elderly go to buy a phone, it is likely that he will go for one advertised to be affordable and possess only basic features like texting and calling. In this case, advertising does a great job of providing insight into the product which then helps people make the right choice according to their needs and conditions.  
  
On the other hand, I understand those who argue that there are advertisements that aim to reach sales targets for some unnecessary commodities. There are those from high-end fashion brands, luxurious car brands or phone manufacturers that promote new models on a frequent basis. These types somehow prove to be successful due to people's desire to keep themselves up to date with the latest items. However, not all people are able to afford them, especially people below the middle class. They are very critical of their choice so, in effect, they only exert an impact on a small proportion of the upper-class population.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that advertising is much more than a tool to promote the sales of certain products as it allows smart shopping based on the information customers receive and also because the deciding element of each purchase is actually spending power and how important the product is to a buyer.
Stop over discussing the essays. The standard format requires only 4 paragraphs:  
  
Par 1: Restatement + Opinion + Thesis statement  
Par 2: Reasoning explanation 1  
Par 3: Reasoning explanation 2  
Par 4: Concuding summary  
  
There is no need for a 3 reasoning paragraph discussion unless one is discussing a compare and contrast with personal opinion essay. In which case, the 3rd paragraph representing the personal opinion is optional but acceptable. A 3rd paragraph is not necessary in the other discussion formats.  
  
Avoid making attestations in the prompt restatement. A testimony is not a requirement in any task 2 essay because it is not indicative of the original topic presentation. If one wishes to uses it, then it must be integrated into the writer's statement as his personal belief or opinion. It should never be blended into the prompt restatement.
***Countries should try to produce all the food and import as little food as possible.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
Many people say that every food produced should be made in the country's border and foreign imports should be avoided as much as possible. In my opinion, I completely disagree with this idea because of the potential lack of nutrition as well as hindered economic growth if people are concentrated to fulfill the need for self-reliance of food.  
  
It seems to me that if a country only consumes the types of food available to its region, people's demand for a wide range of nutrition can not be met, especially in a country with an extreme climate. For example, countries with continental climate like Russia can not grow staple crops like rice and need to import a large amount each year if they want to have it in their daily meal. Therefore, minimizing the food imported from other countries may be an extreme choice.  
  
Moreover, due to the disparity in technological resources, weather and geographical conditions, enormous manpower may be required to produce enough food. Many countries are not favoured with conducive factors for food production and this will result in a lack of human resources for other industries. Therefore, a deteriorating economy predicating on agriculture is anticipated.  
  
I understand those who argue that food transportation is a huge carbon burden. However, if a country wants to supply itself, it is likely that deforestation will expand to make way for agricultural land. In this case, there is no big difference regarding environmental cost and the farming practices per se also release a whopping amount of greenhouse gases. Take livestock farming as an example, enteric fermentation produces methane during digestion in ruminant animals like cows and this has done great harm to the environment.  
  
In conclusion, I completely disagree with the idea that a country should be independent of food due to the possibility of malnutrition, potential economic failure and the fact that it makes no big difference if we clear forests, conduct farming and transport food by plane.
Good work on the prompt restatement and writer's opinion paragraph. It is well developed and follows the expected format for the rewording of the original topic and thesis statement. The essay is definitely off to a good start and strong preliminary score.  
  
As for the reasoning statements, it is important that the writer understand the discussion basis. It is based on a 2 reasoning discussion paragraph format. One paragraph for each thesis reason. The writer over extended the discussion. It could have been easily completed within 2 paragraphs based upon how short the third paragraph actually is. The use of concise paragraphs will always help the C+C score. It does not need to be a lengthy discussion, just a strong discussion.  
  
Good work on the use of personal pronouns in the essay. It helps to add to the strength of the discussion and will definitely help increase the GRA score since it removes any confusion about who is speaking in the essay. The sentences are well developed and understandable as well. The sentences are not perfect, but that is not the aim of the test. As long as the writer can produce sentences that help the reader understand his opinion, then the sentence and paragraph will have succeeded in accomplishing its task.
## parents and schools play a huge part in a child's healthy lifestyle

  
  
Most youngsters today do not live a healthy lifestyle because they would rather eat fast food than nutritious food and play games or watch TV shows than exercise. It is the responsibility of both parents and schools to deal with this situation. I absolutely agree on this point. I feel that parents and schools should work together to overcome this problem by adopting new behaviors.  
  
Children go to school to receive an education, and they spend the majority of their time there. Therefore, I think that schools play a significant role in helping students develop healthy behaviors. To encourage kids to have a nutritious meal, it is recommended that they provide them with healthy lunches and snacks in addition to banning junk food from the cafeteria. Additionally, schools may begin a new phase of instruction. Teachers should support learners in forming new habits by creating academic materials that call for exercise to support brain function. Children might exercise their bodies more frequently in this way, reducing obesity and other ailments brought on by an unhealthy lifestyle.  
  
It is nevertheless crucial for parents to model a healthy lifestyle for their children in the meantime. Despite being busy at work or with other engagements, parents should spend more time with their kids. As a consequence, relationships between parents and children will be strong. So even when their kids don't like it, they can demand them do everything they say. For instance, they may work out together once or twice each week and serve nutritious breakfasts each morning before the kids leave for school. However, parents may offer their kids any cheat day off within the healthy living program so they won't become exhausted.  
  
To summarise, parents and schools play a huge part in a child's healthy lifestyle, and they have a variety of strategies at their disposal to address the issue.  
  
Thanks for watching