dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## the information - important factor for the development

  
  
Title: Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business, and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.  
  
There are widely differing views on the issue of whether the information about science, business, or any other important research should be shared freely. Some people would suggest that some of research data are too valuable to be publish; however, I personally believe that it will be better that if people can share their information to the world. The reasons for my position are as follows.  
  
First of all, I believe that no matter technology, medical science or other major subjects are all improving in the world, and the reason that push them forward is that we use the the research data which someone had done before to make a whole new theory. For instance, some of cancer experts can look back to see what kinds of treatments had been used before so that they can avoid to make the same mistake and try some new treatments for their patient.s  
  
Secondly, some old information can be use for comparison. For example, the global warming is getting more and more serious recently, if we can use the data which someone had collected from the past time, and make a illustration to show people how the climate changed in these past few years, it will be a good warming to give people alarm.  
  
In summary, I once again reaffirm my position that it is good to share as much information as possible to the people in this world. the new ideas and creations always based on those researches that someone had referenced, if we share the information to others and keep updating what we got, in that way, the world can be quickly improved
Your approach to this discussion does not follow the required format. Therefore, your TA score will be failing. You are not using the 5 paragraph format for this discussion based on:  
  
Par. 1: Paraphrase + discussion instructions  
Par. 2: First public point of view (using third person pronouns) with an explanation of the public point of view  
Par. 3: Second public point of view (with third person pronouns) including an explanation of the public point of view  
Par. 4: Your personal opinion (using first person pronouns) + explanation (make sure to support one of the two public opinions)  
Par. 5: Summary conclusion  
  
You have shown me that you are totally unfamiliar with the discussion formats for the Task 2 essay. This means that you have no idea how to write the essays. You will get failing scores each time you do not format the essay according to the required discussion instructions. Before you continue to write other Task 2 essays, you have to familiarize yourself with the various writing patterns first. It would be in your best interest to review the other discussion samples here so you can learn how to approach the various discussion topics based on the errors and corrections of the work of previous test takers. As of now, I am nowhere near confident that you will be able to pass the IELTS test.
Hi everyone,  
  
Please help me review and give your feedback on my essay. Also provide your estimated score according IELTS band if you can.  
Thank you very much in advance.  
  
## Summarize information from the graph

  
  
**Question:**  
  
Please find it at the end of message  
  
**Answer:**  
The line graph compares the number of visitors who stayed on two different locations when visiting Caribbean island from 2010 to 2017.  
  
It is clear that over the 7-year period, there was a significant increase of tourists to this island. Unlike the year 2010, in the year 2017, the number of visitors staying on island overcame the number of those staying on cruise ships.  
  
In 2010, 0.25 millions of visitors travelled to Caribbean island chose cruise ships as a stayed place while the figures for staying on island was 0.75 millions of people. From 2010 to 2012, while the number of tourists staying on island increased to 1.25 millions, there was no change in the number of people staying on cruise ships. Besides that, the total of visitors to this island saw a 1.5 times rise in the same period.  
  
The number of visitors staying on cruise ships significantly increased and peaked at 1.5 millions of people in 2015 and then slightly dropped to 1.25 millions of people in 2016, before reaching 1.5 millions of visitors again in the year 2017. By contrast, the number of tourists staying on island continuously rose, surpassed the number of people staying on cruise ships in the middle of the year 2015, and finally ended up with 2 millions of visitors in 2017. These led to the steady increase of the total of tourists to Carribean island from 2010 to 2017.  
  
*   
*Line chart*
Again, it is better if you stop asking users to score your essay because when they do, the account of the person who scored your essay will be automatically suspended. You must sign up for our premium service or make the thread URGENT to get a professional scoring review from me, as a contributor. The general review of this task 1 essay follows below.  
  
The summary overview you have presented is incomplete. All of the sentences need to have 3 - 5 sentences in every paragraph. The summary overview must always present the basis information for your data. These data basis points include:  
  
- The title of the image (restated in your own words)  
- Inclusive dates of the survey (2010 -2017)  
- The source of information (cruise ships and visitors staying on the island)  
- The measurement type (millions of visitors)  
- Single graph trend (that you choose to present) , no more than one.  
  
215 words within 20 minutes? It may not be a realistic word count during the actual test. The safest word count number is 150-190 words. Most specially since you are prone to creating errors which you do not correct, because you refuse to review and revise the content of your paper. I say refuse because this essay is the second evidence of your lack of care for the quality of your paper. The quality of which will be seen by the lack of or least number of errors in your presentation.  
  
The examiner knows how to recognize and reward exam takers who take care in the writing of their paper. Care and quality of writing is something you will have to learn over time. The length of your writing is less important than the accuracy of your writing in terms of pertinent information presentation, proper sentence and paragraph formatting, accuracy of word usage, among other scoring considerations.  
  
This essay shows several marked errors in spelling, grammar, and cohesiveness . These errors will lower your score in specific scoring areas, which you well know. There is no such thing as a small or irrelevant error. You will receive the appropriate scoring deductions for every error you make. Hence the importance of proofreading and error correction over word count.
Hi everyone,  
  
Please help me review my essay and give score corresponding to IELTS band if you can.  
  
Thank you very much in advance.  
  
**Question:**  
***In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

  
***Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.***  
  
**Answer:**  
People argue that the advantages of digital books or newspapers will lead to the disappearance of the traditional ones. I strongly agree with this opinion.  
  
The primary reason why nobody will purchase the printed books and newspapers is due to their negative effects on environment. Conventional books and newspapers are made from wood, and hence a plethora of trees has to be cut to provide materials for paper manufacturing process. This could exacerbate the deforestation which is a headache issue of all countries around the globe. To address this critical problem, many goverments have imposed higher taxes on wood-made products, and books or newspapers are one of the bypass products of woods. As a result, the price of books and newspapers shoots up and forces people think about another economic way to replace printed books and newspapers.  
  
On the other hands, there is a variety of advantages of electronic books and newspapers. Firstly, they do not need to be printed out on the papers so that they are very friendly to environment, and the manufacturing and printing of books and newspapers are significantly reduced. Therefore, their price is much cheaper than the printed books and newspapers, and people can afford to buy them. Secondly, people can easily update news or information anytime and anywhere as long as they have a smartphone connecting to wifi. This is an extraordinary benefit for busy people who has a limit of time per day. Finaly, the high quality and vivid image helps the digital books and newspapers outweigh the conventional ones.  
  
In my conclusion, the purchase of printed newspapers or books will be decreasingly dropped and people will prefer to buy digital ones due to their obvious advantages.
You will only receive a general review of your work. Scoring is a premium service that is provided to students who avail of our private review services or, those who make their posts URGENT. Any student who dares to score your work, will find his account suspended for violating forum rules as clearly indicated in the text box.  
  
You have written just the right length of an essay, but failed to edit your work for errors. When you have extra time after completing the draft, always go back to check for errors you can correct. That way, you lessen the errors and increase your chance at a higher final score. In this case, there are spelling, C&C, and grammar errors in the presentation.  
  
This is also a single opinion, not a comparative essay. The opening paraphrase does have a good 2 sentences in it. However, the strength of your opinion does not have an opinion to help support it in the first paragraph. The inclusion of the 2 discussion topics to support your opinion will help clarify the flow of your defense topics to the examiner. So the proper format would have been:  
  
*I strongly agree with this opinion based on the reasons that (1) and (2).*  
  
After which you can use an expanded version of the topics as the topic sentences to anchor every reasoning paragraph on. Remember, you are scored on the clarity of your opinion. The clarity is based on how well you can use reasoning and deduction in your paragraphs. Which is why this is never written as a comparison essay.  
  
The concluding paragraph needs to be summarized in 40 words or 2 -5 sentences. 3 sentences being the ideal because you will be able to properly restate the topic, your opinion, and the reasons you provided in the preceding discussion. Thus further strengthening your final opinion and giving you the opportunity to strengthen your closing presentation.
## the amounts of rain in Woodsville and Blacksboro

  
  
The given table provides information on the average precipitation in 12 months of the year in Woodsville and Blacksboro.  
  
Overall, it is clear that Woodsville has higher average rainfall level than Blacksboro does. Additionally, the driest month of both cities is July.  
  
Woodsville receives a relatively high rainfall record in January (5 inches). The figure then decreases gradually until July when it bottoms at the value of 0.75 inches. After that, the last 5 months witness a considerable rise in rainfall level with the highest records in November and December (6 and 5 inches, respectively).  
  
In Blacksboro, the rainiest months of the year are January and February with the average precipitation of 3 and 4 inches. Similar to Woodsville, the city enters dry season in the next 5 months and the rain level in July is measured just 0.01 inches. Then the figure grows slightly till the end of the year with the measurement of 2.5 inches in December.  
  
*
You have not changed enough of the keywords from the original discussion instructions for your presentation to not be considered a cut and paste or memorized presentation. You need to learn about word equivalents that you can use for the image reference (chart instead of table). You also forgot to mention that the measurement was done for cities. You cannot just present the location, you have to explain what sort of information that represents as well.  
  
The summary overview also lacks a reference to the given measurement type prior to presenting it in the actual report or trending statement. The measurement should be given its own presentation spot in the summary overview to create a full summary of the detailed information presented.  
  
There were certain parts of the report where the given data is the same for both cities yet you failed to present those as points of similarity in the essay. Where information is the same or overlaps, those need to be presented as unique discussion points. You should have presented that both cities had the same amount of rainfall in February as represented by 4 inches of rain, a common point for the two cities that often diverge in rainfall information. The lack of that presentation implies that you did not really analyze the image. Which is why you failed to present the most obvious similar point in the chart.
## the percentage of sodium, saturated fat and sugar in different american meals

  
  
**The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
Please review and give me feedback so that I could improve my personal writing skill.  
\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_  
The three pie charts give statistical information on how much each three unhealthy nutrients accounted for in three daily meals recorded in the USA. Sodium, saturated fat, and added sugar are widely known as highly unhealthy nutrients after largely consuming in daily meals.  
  
Generally speaking, Americans eat less sodium, saturated fat, and added sugar in their breakfast but consume a large proportion of them while eating lunch and dinner. The snacks also contain these nutrients in plenty.  
  
In detail, the amount of sodium that Americans consume mostly during dinner at 43%, following by lunch standing at 29% respectively. Breakfast and snacks are at the same ratio holding for 14%. The second unhealthy nutrient is saturated fat mostly found while eating dinner (37%). It is shown that fat is taken for an average amount during lunch and snack for 26% and 21%, whereas breakfast meal contains only 16%. On the other hand, snack meals are less likely to contain sodium and saturated fat but mainly with added sugar. Besides that, American people consume less sugar in their dinner (23%), lunch (19%), and breakfast (16%).  
  
*
As you are presenting a data report to the reader, you must never offer a personal opinion in the presentation. Yes, the information refers to unhealthy nutrients consumed. However, there is no information in the original image to refer to such claims in your presentation. That means you are altering the original chart information, which will lower your TA score due to prompt deviations or possible misunderstanding of the images provided. Always stick to the basics as profiled in the image. Do not add to it, do not change it. Just present it as it is but in your own words because that is all that matters in this presentation. Your TA score will suffer greatly in this case. Never do that again. Present the trending statement as a part of the summary overview as that is the best place to present it. Never create a single sentence presentation in the essay. That will be considered a run-on and lower your GRA score. Rather, aim to write a combination paragraph covering 3 sentences, or a 3 sentence trending statement. It is easier to do the former.
## the impact of parents' wealth on children's future

  
  
Title: Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents.  
  
There are widely differing views on the issue of whether children brought up by wealthy parents can be more prepared for their future life, compare with the children who brought up in families that do not have too much money. Some people would suggest that brought up in poor condition family is better for children; however, I personally believe that children who brought up in rich family will be better for children.  
  
First, with reference to get offered a job in the future, the reason why I disagree with the topic is that children who grown up in wealthy family are usually have higher education level. And that can make them find a job easier. Simply speaking, their family can support them to go to study in University, moreover, they might have enough money and ability let their children study abroad, on the other hands, they would have an amazing personal statement on their resume and have more possibility to get hired. Despite the majority may stick to the idea that it is all about the personal ability, this is a common sight that always happen in this society.  
  
Second, money is always the problem that people have to face when they grow up. For example, if their parents have enough money to invest children to create their own career, they don't need to borrow money from bank. Obviously, they don't need to carry a large number of debts and high risk for creating their business. As an illustration, they will have more time to think how to run their business; however, the children who own this advantage should be brought up by wealthy parents.  
  
To sum up, I once again reaffirm my position that compare with wealthy family, the family who don't have that much money their children are not better prepared to deal with the problem of adult life. Surely, some children who grown up in wealthy family are also not prepared for the adult problem in the future, but the undeniable thing is they have more possibility to solve those problems
You have not done a very good job on this essay. Mostly because you failed to properly respond to the prompt discussion instruction which is; "To what extent do you agree or disagree?" Prior to providing your reasons, you need to give your measured response first. So you cannot just personally believe in the statement, you need to provide the discussion requirements which are: measured response + reasons.  
  
Now, you have also over written in this essay. The expectation is a simple essay of 275-290 words. You have provided 344 words. While I admire your typing speed, I do not admire the errors you made in the essay because of your desire to impress the reviewer solely by your knowledge of English words. That is the worst thing you can do in this essay. You will score better with a short, but clearly explained essay.  
  
Your presentation is too full of word fillers. Every other sentence is a filler phrase or sentence that does not really help clearly explain your essay opinion to the examiner. You also tend to use conjunctions like "and" to start sentences when you know that cannot be done because it is used to connect thoughts in a sentence. You also have several misused punctuation marks such as semi-colons in the essay. You make the error of capitalizing words that are not nouns like "university", all of which will combine to lower your GRA score.  
  
So between the improperly formatted discussion presentation, the errors in writing and grammar, and the lack of formality in your writing (due to contractions), the length of your essay is not going to assure you of getting a passing score in this case. The length did not help you score better, it only allowed you to make more mistakes. Which is why you should write a short but clear essay, to avoid the possibility of making more mistakes, which could lead to a non-passing score on your part.
## Working and studying from home - Positive or negative development?

  
  
Nowadays, people live in the era of technology. Because the smart devices become cheaper and easier to access, we are tending to work and study online more usually. In my opinion, doing things from home brings us a lot of benefits.  
  
Firstly, working and studying from home helps us save the time. We do not need to wake up too soon, get ready and go to the office or school. Instead, we can dress what ever we like, do several things at the same time. Some online jobs offer you a chance to manage your time do that you can work flexibly, even at the evening. In addition, people can save money.  
  
Secondly, online studying and working is also a good way to communicate. We stay at one place, but still can meet a lot of people around the world. Especially at this time, although we have to do social-distancing due to Covid-19, students can still see the teacher, workers can still do the meetings.  
  
Thirdly, working and studying from home may provides better environment for our jobs. As we are not disturbed by anyone, we can focus on the work. We can work independently without the supervision, that reduces the stress and the misunderstanding.  
  
In conclusion, the trend of working and studying from home is a good development. It is so convenient and suitable for our society nowadays. At some aspects, doing things from home may be not as good as working at the office or studying at school, but we can learn to make advantages of it.
The word "because" is a conjunction that needs to be used before a noun, adjective, interjection, or verb. It is an informal word that is not used at the start of any sentence because it is "connecting" word. If there is no word to describe the information about "because", then the word usage does not have any purpose in the sentence. This is why the second sentence in your first paragraph is going to pull down your GRA score. The use of the word at the start of the sentence shows that you are unfamiliar with English writing rules so, the appropriate scoring deductions will be made to that section of the presentation. The last sentence is incomplete. You need to make reference to original discussion instruction / question which is "positive or negative? So the correct presentation would have been:  
  
*In my opinion, though there are some negative aspects to working and studying from home, there are still more positive gains to these practices.*  
  
This is only a 2 reasoning paragraph essay. You only use 3 reasoning paragraphs for the 2 public point of view + personal opinion presentation. So the third reasoning in this essay is a throw away. Unnecessary and not useful to the presentation or explanations provided. For this essay, there should be 2 reasoning paragraphs formatted in the following manner:  
  
Par. 2: A reason studying from home should be seen as positive. (just 1 reason fully developed)]  
Par. 3: A reason working from home is a positive development (one reason fully developed)  
  
Try to further develop the reasoning process, on which you are scored heavily, in a manner that helps you write 275-290 words. The shorter your essay, the lesser your chance of a higher overall score. The more you write though, the more prone to errors your writing will be. Writing within this suggested length will help you stay in the center, with a balanced presentation that tends to highlight your writing skills by giving you a better chance at a higher individual and overall scoring consideration.