dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
I cannot properly asses the validity and task appropriateness of your writing without the image to compare it to. Kindly remember to upload the image next time to get a more comprehensive review and assessment of your work from me. All I can provide now are general reviews since there is no image to compare your statements by.  
  
You have started off the presentation summary with a run on sentences. There are 3 different sets of information that you are providing. These are the type of image, the content of the image, and the measurement types. For clarity purposes (C&C) , each of these information should have been provided as individual sentences. The individual sentences would have helped the reader gain a better understanding of the information as you will have allowed a pause between information presentations for the reader to actually understand what is going on rather delivering a continuous reading that ends up confusing the reader.  
  
The run-on sentences seem to be the basic problem of your presentation. It exists in every paragraph, leaving you with a lower than expected GRA and C&C score overall. Remember, your explanations need to be clear and you have to show a range of punctuation and grammar presentation skills to get a good score in these sections. You failed to accomplish that in this presentation.
Topic:  
## In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough.

  
***What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?***  
  
Essay:  
In some countries, teenagers are taught that any goals can be achievable if they try their best. This essay will discuss both the pros and cons of this mindset.  
  
There are several advantages to be mentioned in this essay. First, hard work is considered as one of the key components in making individuals' dreams come true. For example, a 13-year-old boy from Indonesia lost over 100 kg in two years due to his low-fat diets and hard-working exercises. Without his persistence and effort, he could never lose a lot of weight to stay in shape. Other positive impact of this teaching is hope for children from disadvantaged backgrounds. A role model of this case is Nick Vujicic who was born without fully formed limbs. In spite of his own disability, he was not depend on others' help and became not only a successful person but also a motivational speaker. He gave encouraging talks to millions of young people to achieve their goals instead of staying frustrated in their passivity.  
  
However, the drawbacks of this approach cannot be denied. Firstly, it is responsible for a great deal of pressure on the young. In some situations, children study to the point of total exhaustion, which causes many suicides to escape from this burden in the adolescent. In addition, there is a complex interplay between effort, talent, luck and social connection required to produce great achievements. Therefore, only teaching children about working hard may mislead them to believe that they can be successful if they complete their work, which leads to their self-doubt and disillusion when they fail.  
  
In conclusion, while teaching children that hard work ensures achievement, adults ought to encourage a positive mindset with proper expectation.
When dealing with TA score considerations, you will notice that the score given is higher when the student provides a direct response to the given question. That is because the clarity of your understanding of the topic, as well as the validity of your opinion is clearly given. This method, the direct response method to be precise, also helps you better outline your discussions by helping you stay on track regarding the discussion. This type of presentation helps prove that you understood, analyzed, and outline the discussion format prior to writing, all of which can help you get a better TA score.  
  
Now, I will applaud you for presenting valid discussion points in every paragraph. You were able to use a transition sentence properly to connect the two discussion points. Although, the grammar of the transition sentence needs work in terms of proper sentence structuring. Regardless, it helped you combine the two differing topics in a manner that connected the discussion in the paragraph.  
  
As for the second reasoning paragraph, there is no sense in using numerical ordinals if you are not going to present a second and last reason within the paragraph. Try to avoid using these numerical ordinals in your presentations. Stick to transition sentences instead. The numerical ordinals do nothing to help your GRA and C&C scores. When you use transition sentences, you further prove your ability to write clearly in the English language, using a connected discussion manner that does not rely on a run-on sentence to present itself.  
  
As for the concluding summary, it is incomplete. You should use the more TA appropriate format that allows you to:  
- Restate the topic  
- Restate both your reasoning topics  
- Close with a summation of your points.  
  
The essay you wrote is alright. I may garner you a passing score. However, I believe that there are still a few points where you can improve your presentation based on scoring considerations.
Hello, I am preparing for CBEST. I am just at the beginning of practicing writing, so any feedback will be appreciated! Thank you!  
  
Prompt:  
## An important issue in today's world is improving our environment and preserving the planet.

  
**However, some people believe that individual efforts to combat pollution, global warming, and the depletion of natural resources are not likely to make a difference. *Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with this opinion, Support your opinion with specific reasons.***  
  
There's no doubt that protecting the planet and helping our environment is a major concern. Some people believe that even one person's contribution to preserving our planet is making a difference in the way we live our lives. Others believe that individual efforts to reduce pollution, fight global warming and avoid natural resources depletion are not going to change anything. I strongly agree that each of us can make a difference in saving our planet and environment.  
  
There's no secret that when we buy certain kinds of products, manufacturers produce more of them. The same rule works when we are buying more environmentally friendly products. For instance, when we buy more electric cars, using which is helping to reduce carbon dioxide emission, the market will produce more of these cars to satisfy the buyers' needs. Another example is when people are buying chemical sunscreens that contain no elements damaging coral reefs, which are one of the most valuable ecosystems on Earth. A few years ago you barely could find this type of sunscreens, however today they are becoming more popular each year and you easily can find them in-store and online.  
  
In addition to that, individual action is a part of the collective. While one person's impact will not have a huge effect on the environmental condition, if everyone takes up an environmentally friendly lifestyle, the result will help save the planet. When we choose to eat less meat, take shorter showers or take a bus instead of driving, we make a statement that our actions matter and spread awareness. Even one person can inspire other people around to do the same and normalize environmentally friendly behavior and habits.  
  
In conclusion, I would like to say, that individual actions have an impact on protecting our planet and improving the environment. While one person cannot save the world on their own, he or she might be a part of the solution. Even little changes can make a big difference if taken up by enough people.
I am just wondering why you are using an IELTS Task 2 essay prompt for the CBEST practice essay writing. The topics used and audience target for CBEST essays are not the same as the IELTS essays so I am afraid that you may be practicing in the wrong manner. The CBEST essay prompts are totally different from what you have used as the CBEST practice essays engage you in writing for a specific or target audience. This is not the same manner that an IELTS prompt is written in. There are free CBEST prompts available online, I suggest you use those instead of the IELTS practice prompts. Anyway, I will do my best to review your essay in a general manner as I cannot apply the CBEST criteria on this prompt. I will do that next time, when you use a CBEST prompt for your essay practice.  
  
This is a pretty good written discussion. It covers all the bases in proving that you strongly agree with the opposing discussion topic. You were able to clearly defend your stance, provide appropriate examples to support your claims, and make proper representations regarding why your opinion is acceptable to a large extent. That said, this would get an excellent score if you were taking an IELTS test. As for the CBEST, the scoring criteria is different so I cannot say the same for that test. You are not writing for a specific audience in this case, only yourself, so that is the biggest problem I have in reviewing this paper. The prompt failed to make you follow the CBEST writing standards.
## Why We Should Use Public Transport?

  
  
In this day and age, public vehicles are increasingly becoming a popular means of transport. Whereas they bring about a huge amount of benefits, there are also problems resulted from these vehicles. The following essay will discuss why we should use public transport more regularly and some issues to be overcome.  
  
On the upside, using public transport is environmentally friendly. In this hustle and bustle world, together with greenhouse effect and global warming caused by humans, the environment is polluted severely. For this reason, if we use public transports such as buses, taxis, ferries, undergrounds and so on, we can help reduce the amount of exhaust fumes and harmful gases released into the air by private vehicles, thus preventing air pollution effectively. Furthermore, public transport is also convenient for people who can't afford to buy their own car. We can take public transport and go to any destination at a low-cost price. Last but not least, as more and more people begin to use public transport, there will be more jobs offered to drivers, that way, the prospect of unemployment can be resolved partly. Besides, in our country, if you have a family member who is a driver, then you can take any public transport without paying.  
  
Turning to the other side of the argument, for many, these vehicles may be quite inconvenient. The first thing is that during rush hours, railway station, underground station or bus stop seem to get bustling, so it's quite uncomfortable when there isn't any seats available and some people have to stand for a long time before reaching their chosen destination. Another major drawback of public transport is that it's really dirty and has low quality, with full of tickets scattered on the floor and messy seats.  
  
All things considered, there are both pros and cons of using public transport. We have to weigh up not only the positive aspect of environmental friendliness, job opportunities but also the negative ones of inconvenience and quality. However, I believe that the advantages will outweigh the disadvantages in current state of the world when pollution is rising, and public transport can get better if the governments pay more attention to improve public transportation system.
The complete original prompt for this essay has given you the discussion topics you have to use in the 2 reasoning paragraphs, none of which you used. You did not even refer to the original prompt in your restatement, which means you failed to prove that you understood the topic and how it should be discussed in your written presentation. Going back to the topics you should have used for the reasoning paragraphs based on the original and complete prompt, these should have been:  
  
- Many people prefer to use public transportation while others say that personal cars are the best mode of transportation.  
- Excessive use of private cars is considered to be the main reason for the traffic jam in many cities and that's why the use of public transportation is encouraged.  
  
I believe your used the shortened prompt, which does not really provide you with any specific writing points nor proper prompt restatement task requirements. That is why your discussion is not as effective as it would have been, had you used the complete prompt consideration for your writing.  
  
These are the topics you should have used to discuss the pros and cons of public transport. Remember that the original prompt will always supply you with the reasons to use as discussion topics in your reasoning paragraphs. You just have to expand on those reasons. In this case. You not only over wrote the essay (367 words), but you failed to consider the original prompt key points for your discussion. So you wrote a very long essay, but failed to address the prompt as expected.  
  
I would have to point out, just the same, that your cons for public transport is not as well developed as your pro discussion. By the way, try to write no more than 5 sentences per paragraph, that would mean that you would not run out of writing time based on the 40 minute time limit. You should be able to present concise discussions, without overstating information because, as you can see, writing a long essay that does not use any of the original prompt considerations could be problematic for your essay.
## Australia Trade Statistics

  
  
Link for the picture : ieltsvietop.vn/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/2007-768x447.jpg  
My Essay  
The line graph compares the proportion of Australian exports to four countries over 12 years course between 1990 to 2021.  
The general feeling from the graph is that, over the course of the whole period, China gradually has become the major export market, with the figure being the only one undergoing a steady upward trend among the four nations surveyed.  
  
In 1990, Australian exports to Japan amounted to around 26%. This figure subsequently experienced a sharp drop to 20 in 1995, followed by another drop, albeit milder, to about 18 percent over the next 17 years.  
  
While starting at a relatively low position of only 3%, the figure for China experienced a steady increase to 5% in the next 5 years and eventually hit an all-time high of 28% in 2012.  
  
Meanwhile, exports to the US fluctuated between 8 and 10% in the first 15 years of the period, down to 5% in 2010 and partially to 6% in 2012. Exports to India were close to zero in the first 10 years, but steadily increased to 7% in 2010 and eventually to 5% in 2012.
Due to security concerns, we refrain from accessing exterior images and advise fellow users not to access images that are located off our forum server. We will not be held liable for any ransomware, malware, adware, or viruses that might infect any users systems due to offline access of images or clicking of exterior links. I will assess your work based on what you have posted on our server alone. Please make the effort to upload the image with your post next time. Otherwise,you will receive an incomplete review of your work once again.  
  
Always give a complete summary overview. List the countries or other information listed in the graph whenever possible. In this case, you mentioned 4 countries, then China as one of them in the trending statement. This will lead the reader to ask early on, "What are the other 3 nations?" It will always be best for you to outline the information sources in the summary, that includes the listing of information, without including any actual data yet. However, the measurement type, be it percentage, a survey, or whatever, will always be appreciated by the reader as a part of a complete summary overview.  
  
The rest of your paragraph presentations are just long sentences. These do nothing for your GRA score. It does not represent a proper simple and complex sentence mix. Only a merging of separate ideas into 1 sentence, which does not help to add clarity to the presentation. If you are using only comma presentations to separate ideas, this does not prove that you have an actual knowledge of how to use various punctuation marks in a sentence. You need to show an ability to use more than just a period, comma, and percentage sign in the presentation. Additionally, it is always best to use the minimum 3 sentence presentation so that all the information you present will be clear and individualized for the reader's understanding.
free time activities among older generation  
  
The line graph gives information about kinds of free time activities that elderly people in Europe do from 1980s to 2010s. Overall, the rate of hiking increased significantly. On the other hand, playing sport remained the most stable compared to others.  
  
In the period between 1980s and 1990s, all activities increased considerably, only theatre dropped sharply, from 50% in 1980s to 30% in 1990s. Among five activities, playing sport is the most common one with the rate of more 60%. Mean while, surfing the Internet is the lowest with only around under 10% of the graph.  
  
Over the 20-year period, the rate of all five activities changed dramatically. In 2010s, the rate of hiking reached the highest point, at 80% and became the most popular activity. At the same time, surfing the Internet also had an impressive increasing, from only 10% in 1990s to 50% in 2010s. Additionally, the fluctuation of reading can be noticed when it reached the lowest point, at 20% in 2000s but grew immediately in the next 10 years with the rate of 60%. Even though the percentage of playing sport decreased in 2010s but not remarkable and theatre was thought to be the most stable among five activities.  
  
*
In the summary overview, the sentence prior to your trending statement should have been the enumeration of the 6 activities listed in the graph. This will be the earlier mention of the activities, which will help the reader better understand what information is contained in the graph and how it relates to the trending statement that you presented.  
  
The second paragraph is acceptable in terms of delivering a summarized highlight report of the graph. However, there are not enough comparison points to refer to the portions of the graph where there are overlapping information or meeting points for similar measurements. At least one reference to that point would have helped you better meet the "make comparisons where relevant" requirement.  
  
The report itself is already worthy of a passing score on all counts. It meets most of the requirements of the task 1 essay. One concern of mine though, is that you have written 203 words for an essay that requires only 175-190 words. The essay itself must be completed within 20 minutes which is why the more conservative word count is always advised. You always should leave a pocket of time, at least 10 minutes, to review the essay for improvement points, corrections, and deletions (if required). Although you may be able to type fast, it is not the number of words that will get you a better score in the task 1 essay. It is the better analysis of the data and, lack of errors as per each scoring consideration that can help you do that. You can achieve that through proof reading your essay prior to submission. Hence the time allowance for editing the essay content.
## Hosting an international sports events

  
  
***Write about the following topic:  
Some people think that hosting an international sports event is good for the country, while some people think it is bad.  
Discuss both views and state your opinion.  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.***  
*You should write at least 250 words*.  
  
Hosting an international sports events has become more and more popular in many countries in today world. While the host nation governments has enjoyed the undeniable economy prosperity that it brought, it should be stress that this well-known trend has two aspect needs to be consider carefully.  
  
It should be started with the commendable feature that this trend brought to the world economy in general, the host countries in particular. Firstly, when it comes to international sports, many people might prefer to travel abroad to watch the events live, which could lead to spending money on means of transport and tourism is the industry could directly receive the huge income that these visitors brought to. For example, the WorldCup sport event hold in different contry every four years, and when it occured, huge number of spectators gathered at the host country. Then, they would need a place for staying. This is when the tourism industry jumps in and offer them place and provided them with enough information they need for their journey.  
  
On the other hand, even if the trend has given the host nation and the tourism industry a gigantic amount of income, the fact that the trend has its imperfect points is undeniable. First of all, welcoming a large number of outsiders can endangered the security of a country due to the raise of crime rate. Importing visitors from around the world could create an opportunity in a life time for criminals sneaking out of their country and entered new country, causing an increasing in number of criminal in the host country. Secondly, opening gate for tourists from world wide might be an action of exposing the environment of the home countries to a great danger of destruction, damaging the ecosystem by littering and increasing air pollutions.  
  
To recapitulate, although the overall impact of hosting an international sports event raised tough challenges. Howerver, I hold the believe that with effective method of management from the authorities the benefits of this trend could far outweigh its imperfections.
Hi everyone. I'm a student from Vietnam and I'm looking for help. I need someone to fix this essay for me because I cannot go out to meet my teacher in the pandemic time TvT. I'm not good at English. Please take care of me! Thank you very much. **\*showing gratitude to everyone\***  
  
## Can e-learning be a substitute for the classroom?

  
  
In recent years, the Internet's rapid development has been revolutionizing the way people study and teach. Some universities and colleges have started sharing their courses online on the Internet for everyone's use. Therefore, many individuals contend that distance learning will be the alternative to classroom teaching-learning. Personally, I completely disagree with this opinion.  
  
For a variety of reasons, it would be wrong to think that online learning is more beneficial than direct learning. Firstly, spending too much time staring at the screen is detrimental to students' health. The evidence is a lot of students have eye diseases, such as short-sightedness and blindness caused by the blue light of electrical devices' screens. Besides, an improper learning position can influence learners' spine and skeletal system. The abnormal growth of bones makes people feel hurt and move difficultly.  
  
Secondly, a face-to-face classroom offers opportunities for individuals to practice what has been learned. For instance, students can conduct experiments mentioned in chemistry and biology textbooks. Consequently, students can easily accumulate knowledge. Finally, there are more people-interactions in the classical forms of learning. For instance, teachers can keep students' behavior under control, pupils can also engage with classmates. Furthermore, learners can also develop some supportive skills such as communication and teamwork skills.  
  
In conclusion, although people believe that e-learning is an alternative to real classes, I am not in favor of that opinion. In my opinion, online classes still remain some disadvantages to our health and do not include the interaction between teachers and students. It should only be used in special situations (for example if there were a pandemic).