dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Each person would respond to the prompts differently. You have provided pretty logical responses to the early questions at this point. Most of which are personal in nature. That said, you should avoid crowd-sourcing the restof your responses to the remaining questions. Do not be afraid to open up to your professor if you would have accepted to graduate college at age 18 or not. It appears that you would not appreciate an early graduation. Explain why. Focus on your desire to improve in your weak learning areas. Reason out as to why a student should not be rushed out of the college learning process based on your current observations and experiences. You will be able to expand on the discussion points more if you use a personal point of view instead of general reference points.
*Please help to comment my essay. Thank you so much.*  
  
**Task:  
*Some people think that hosting an international sports event is good for the country, while some people think it is bad.***  
## Discuss both views and state your opinion.

  
  
It is often argued that organizing a worldwide sports event brings many good things for country, whilst others disagree and consider it is bad. In my opinion, having chance to held a international sports event helps the host country to get many benefits. This essay will discuss both points of view.  
  
Signing up to host a global sport event is an opportunity for country to gain reputation and develop economic. Sport activities are always received attention from everyone, therefore holding a sport event will attractive a lot of people from other countries come to visit as well as introduce the culture of the country to the world. For instance, an impressing performance on opening ceremony will make global friends to remember more about country. An increase in the number of visitors will contribute to the development of tourism.  
  
However, preparation for a big event also brings a lot of pressures for the host country. Firstly, every country which wants to be a host must invest tons of money in facility construction, such as FIFA standard stadium, athletics pool, accommodation for athletes. Secondly, during the event the host country has to effort to ensure security, this will take a large amount of labor and money. For example, organizing committee has to set up many CCTV both inside and outside the place where competitions are happening and designate a force to protect and coordinate participants.  
  
In conclusion, although hosting an international sport event can bring both good and bad things to the host country. I still believe that if a country take opportunity to held a global festival or competion in sport, it will receive a lot of benefits because the world's interest in that event is realy huge.
~~This essay will discuss both points of view.~~  
There is no need to repeat the discussion directions. You have already shown the examiner what the instructions are through the prompt restatements and the presentation of your personal opinion. The prompt restatement + s would get a better score without this sentence. It is non-scoring as it does not help to increase any scoring section in anyway.  
  
An increase in the number of visitors will contribute to the development of tourism.  
designate a force to protect and coordinate participants.  
For each public opinion, you can explain why you oppose or support the idea. That will prevent the need for you to use a stanst alone personal opinion paragraph. This current presentation is missing your personal opinion based on the 3 reasoning paragraph thesis statement at the start. A personal insight per paragraph would have helped you somewhat meet the personal discussion requirement. Opting to use response style 2 for this essay would have preserved your final score.  
  
Good job though. You would have been scored on 2 out of 3 required presentations.
## learning foreign languages and technology

  
  
In today's world, there are technological leaps that computers have the ability to convert the gross of languages in prompt and correct ways. Learning an external language is supposed to be time-consuming. In my pointview, I completely disapprove and this essay will analyse the negative perspectives for this issue.  
  
Technological devices are aimed to automatically run programs with precede arrangements. Computers just convert language to another language mechanically but not reflecting any particular circumstance such as emotions, feelings, accents, etc. Despite the instant results that they bring, where the differences of culture emerges, the exact meaning of speeches are required so as to avoid complexes or misunderstandings the automators can cause or in case the language is not available on programs. As a result of technical leaps, humans have a tendency to depend on translators so that they unconsciously refuse to comprehend new languages or even cultures. To assume, the major problems are the fact that the automatic translators hardly match any random situation and affecting people's logical thinking.  
  
The claim that studying any foreign languages is costly and unnecessary is totally false anyhow. According to people's reliance on computers being told, enrolling in a new language motivates us in researching its history as well as nations' cultures associated with. The more time you spend on jargon, the more enriched your knowledge is. In addition, translation mechanics are made with language base, without the base, these devices are not of any use. In general, language studying is urgent to improve yourself as a highly-educated individual that vouches for the development of civilization now and then.  
  
In conclusion, it is untruthful to underestimate the appearance of language learners while technology is thiftingly advanced. Thus people should vitally be encouraged to research new languages on Earth with the help of computers.
Learning an external language is supposed to be time-consuming.  
The reference synonym for "children" was not indicated in the restatement. This led to an incorrect interpretation of the original discussion basis. The original reference point was that children no longer need to learn other foreign languages. This has affected the efficient restatement of the prompt. The response to the question is on point and should recieve full scoring consideration even as the prompt restatement faces some deductions due to the inaccurate interpretation of the original.  
  
etc.  
Avoid using abbreviations and non-academic word references. It will be better to use a full stop/ period instead.  
  
humans have a tendency to depend on translators  
There is a lack of topic cohesiveness in this paragraph. A transition sentence that connects the first topic to the nest would have resolved that. Scoring of the C + C is based on topic coherence within a paragraph, along with one paragraph to the next. Where transitions are not used, a scoring deduction will be applied.
***A person's worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important.***  
  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree.

  
  
Nowadays, there is a common belief that social positions, as well as the levels of wealth, can define a person with less consideration on other traditionally moral virtues. From my perspective, I do not advocate this point of view as differences between abstract and material values.  
  
On the one hand, it is undeniable that to some extend, people can gain higher respect and build up their reputation due to social status and their own property, especially in East Asia countries where the society was featured by hierarchy. People work, receive benefits and make friends based on their social classes. It's rare to witness a rich lady get along with poor children.  
  
On the other hand, good ancient values are still fundamental to building up a sustainable society. A person who is honest and kind can receive love from other people. Maybe he cannot live a luxurious life, but his mind is comfortable and full of happiness. Talent without virtue can be a danger to society. For example, in Vietnam, a KOL who is famous for either negative scandals or positive popularity could earn an enormous amount of money through their social media channel and advertisement. Temporarily, that man can buy friends, summon tons of privileges at will, and be considered as an idol in another's eyes. However, without a good moral personality, he may incidentally spread negative and wrong information widely which results in damaging effects and wrong actions of the viewer. As he lost his money, his false friends returned to him as impertinently.  
  
In summary, wealth or social status is not the key factor to define a person who is worth being a friend or admired. Talent and virtue should be combined to define a whole human being.
I do not advocate this point of view  
I understand this sentiment. However, the strength of this opinion is not indicated using an emotional measurement. Therefore, the response aspect of the restatement is only partially correct. There will be an accuracy score reduction because of the lack of "extent " response. It bothers me that you recieved a scoring penalty for an otherwise strong presentation just because of a technicality. I urge you to review your response next time, ensure that it properly and completely meets the writing requirements.  
  
On the one hand, it is undeniable  
This response would have been more acceptable if you had presented the degree of error, as you percieve the reason to have. Remember that the purpose of an extent essay is to prove a measurement of error for the public opinion. Without that discussion, the representation becomes incorrect as a comparative response when a single opinion is expected.
*PLEASE GIVE FEEDBACK FOR MY IELTS WRITING TASK 2. I REALLY APPRECIATE!*  
  
## **TOPIC: Companies use different ways to increase sales.**

  
*What different ways do companies use to increase sales? What is the most effective one?*  
  
During these days, enterprises have high demand for raising brand awareness and this trend has led to a variety of advertising strategies. Some of the most common ways are via visual illustration and word of mouth but celebrity endorsement is considered to bring the best result.  
  
To commence, advertising through visuals is synonymous with approaching customers by providing them numerous images and related information about the brands. Examples include banners and leaflets which are continuously distributed in public places or even large screens hung on high- rise buildings around crowded streets. As a result, consumers are gradually instilled with the products, facilitating their desires to possess them.  
  
Moreover, the technique of spreading the brand's reputation through word of mouth is also favored by many companies. Nowadays, people religiously chat with their relatives such as families and friends so that should anyone recommend a product even if it is not necessary, it could still win trust from others.  
  
Even though there are several ways to improve profit, affiliation with celebrities, especially young influencers, is being chosen by the majority. Along with the advancement of social platforms, the youth is easily affected by their idols. To be more specific, teenagers seem to buy things that create moments with famous people or choose the products shared by them. For example, from luxurious brands such as Channel to lower ones, they all have celebrities become their ambassadors, promoting their sales to a larger scale of customers thanks to their huge fans.  
  
In conclusion, it is evident that there are a number of ways to increase sales and collaboration with famous influencers might be the most ultimate one.
The discussion presentation meets all of the required prompt points. It has accurately presented a restatement and, a clear direct response to the questions. Creating an excellent discussion guideline / thesis statement for the examiner to consider. Very good work on the most important aspect of this exam. Always address all the succeeding essays this way. You are going to have a tremendously high preliminary score for sure.  
  
However, the discussion paragraphs could use a bit more work. When it comes to the family influence regarding advertising, the discussion feels too brief. Try to add more supporting elements to the discussion. Aim for a 3-5 sentence discussion per paragraph to fully achieve the scoring potential of each idea presentation. When indicating that celebrity endorsements do the best work, you should mention a few of them. The Kardashians could be one of the examples of social media influencers and celebrity endorsers who deliver increased sales of various products that they endorse. Examples are important because that is a "suggested" discussion slant by the original prompt. The same can also be applied, if you wish, to any family influencing reference. Just to add to the supporting discussion and example element.  
  
Overall, not a bad job. The essay is sure to recieve high marks overall since there are very negligible errors in relation to GRA and LR use. The most important aspects of TA and C+C scores are well established in your writing.
## Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

  
  
The concept of renting a house or actually buying it is one of the most controversial topics to be talked about when it comes to making decisions in finding a settled place for many households. In my outlook, I think owning a house will be a beneficial decision to make, but it still depends on some of the situations and types of circumstances each family is dealing with.  
  
First of all, it is clear that owning a house genuinely brings on a lot more benefits instead of renting one. Finance is one of the severe issues if you can not pay the rent bill of your house, because nowadays it is harder to have a decent income for your family, so it will reduce the amount of outcome if you can afford a house from the beginning. Moreover, you are able to freely utilize all the spaces on the wall of your house, this might not be applied if you live in a rented house, many owners of it will definitely not be happy if you leave something firmly on their walls after you left the house.  
  
But on the other hand, there are still lots of families which are not able to purchase a decent house as their shelter. Consequently, the typical temporary choice of them would be to find a good house that comes with a handy renting price. It is not a bad thing to do if finance is one of your biggest issues, but it also comes with many drawbacks. The impoverished environment is one the biggest disadvantages that you have to face with, the space will not always be enough for you to do the daily routine, as a result in inconvenience of your own place where you have to live for a long period. It is not easy to find a niche place to live when you search for it by yourself, the advertisement of the place will not let you know what it is actually going to be looked like. So that you might end up in the kind of places where your privacy will not be respected or got surrounded by many bad behavior neighbors.  
  
To summarize, Owning something will always be the best choice to make if you have the chance to afford it. And to be clarified, it is nothing negative about renting a short-term shelter if your family can not derive too many outcomes when it comes to a payment day.  
  
*   
*Prompt*
most controversial topics  
It is not a controversial topic. It is, as per the orginal presentation, an important one. The writer chose the wrong synonym to use lbased on word meaning. Please note the difference:  
  
Important - of much or great significance or consequence  
controversy - a prolonged public dispute, debate, or contention; disputation concerning a matter of opinion.  
  
The keyword in the prompt is "important". so the alternate pleases that carry the same reference /meaning are; "essential consideration" , " critical need", or, " pressing matter ". alternate words of the same or similar meaning must be used to avoid altering the thought presentation or reasoning behind the original topic. There is no matter of ( presented but a fact for most countries There are no opposing views present in the ouginal, which could be the basis of controversy. The writer misunderstood the topic.  
  
I think  
As you are graded on the clarity of your opinion, this phrase shows an undecided way of thinking, resulting in an uncleon opinion. This is not a comparison essay. neither is it an extent essay. Had it been one of the 2 aforementioned discussion types ,then your response would have been acceptable. The response format is improper. The initial presentation fell short of the correct discussion requirements. This makes it difficult to get a passing score even if minimal scores are awarded throughout.
@Holt  
Thank you so much for your feedback, they mean a lot to me. I am struggling to do the IELTS writing test and I know that I am a bad writer even with my tongue language. So I start to post my writing in many forums in order to know what a proper writing test is like and then improve my English writing skill. I took note of all your advice to ensure not to make the same mistakes again. I will post my writings more frequently. Please feel free to leave your thoughts, I really appreciate it. Again thanks for your thorough comments
Essay- IELTS writing task 2  
***In many countries the level of crime is increasing and crimes are becoming more violent.**  
## Why do you think this is and what can be done about it?

  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience*  
  
The crime rate has been on the rise and the extent of severity for each offense is also escalating. The causes behind crimes are complex. Thus, to prevent crime, it is obligatory to have an understanding of its roots. This essay will discuss why the crime rate has increased and what can be done about it.  
  
The main reason for crime is the environment that people live in. I believe poverty is what drives most people to crimes. Poverty manifests itself in a lack of educational opportunities, poor housing. Without proper education, unemployment is what happens next to these people. Hence, they have small and unstable incomes and often struggle to afford shelter, food, and other basic needs. As a result, they commit crimes like pickpocketing, burglary, or even murder to feed their family. In addition, living in poverty causes people to stress. As a result, there is a great temptation to turn to drugs and alcohol use which also has an extremely close connection with crime and violence. Another factor comes from overexposure to violent images, whether from tv, video games as a means of recreation which may cause crimes to become more violent or in real-life like domestic violence can set a negative pattern on a person's mindset.  
  
To address these problems, we should make education available to more people in need and inform people about the consequences of crimes. We also need to raise awareness about drug and alcohol addiction. Besides, Government should create job opportunities for poor people to help them earn an adequate income. A war on poverty is also a war on crime. I believe, in doing so, the living standard of the poor will improve. Hence, it will bring down the crime rate as people are less likely to commit crimes for their basic needs.  
  
In conclusion, more people are living in poverty as the population continues to rise. And as long as there is poverty, the crime rate will increase. A practical approach to this problem will help reduce crime. Perhaps focusing on improving the poor's living conditions. We can do that through education and by creating more job opportunities.
The essay failed to provide a relevant example based on the knowledge and experience of the student. This is a somewhat personal opinion essay based on the current crime status of one's country. In this case, the crime status in Vietnam should have been the full basis for the discussion and representation in the reasoning paragraphs. These general discussion points are good and could well apply to any country. However, the prompt discussion indicates that the writer must write from relevant examples and experiences. This is the only missing reference in the presentation. This information could have been made up by the writer, as long as he mentioned a country (such as Vietnam) as the basis of the discussion.
*Please check and give feedbacks on my essay!*  
## **Should the world have only one government or a national government for each country?**

  
The responsibility for ruling nations has long been assigned to governments, and such controlling systems are adopted by almost every country around the world. However, there is a belief that establishing a world government is better than having each nation represented by its own governing body. I, nevertheless, deprecate the notion owing to the two demerits of a global government as follows.  
  
To begin with, finding ideal leaders of the world's governing body proves extremely challenging. Since conducting elections simultaneously on a global scale with varying opinions about innumerable candidates is impractical, selected leading individuals risk being prone to strong opposition among a large number of ordinary people worldwide. Leading a global government also demands in-depth and well-rounded knowledge , besides the ability to deal with an enormous workload as well as to propose a rightful way of developing the world, and few people are able to meet all of these criteria.  
  
Additionally, ruling the world with only one government causes international problems to be addressed largely ineffectively. To be more specific, really long period of time is required so as for the universal government to be fully informed of global issues in numerous areas and decide conclusively which problems need prioritising before any practical actions are allowed to be taken. During such delayed time, risks of the exacerbation of maladies are totally inevitable. More seriously, when worldwide issues are approached erroneously by this utmost powerful governing body, there is no other administrative organisation legally eligible to question the leading individuals' decision, resulting in the whole world suffering the aftermaths. This consequence is exemplified by the predictable decimation of the Jewish and escalation of racism in the case Adolf Hitler had successfully adopted cosmocracy.  
  
In conclusion, I regard a world government as extremely disadvantageous rather than beneficial due to great difficulties in choosing well-deserved leaders and unproductive solutions to global maladies. Therefore, it is advisable that today's system of national governing bodies be maintained and cooperate responsibly with international organisations like UN, UNESCO or WHO to facilitate the development of the world as well as of each nation in stead of forming a new global government with inevitable downsides.