dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Some people think that hard work and determination are the keys to success in life. Some, on the other hand, think that there are other factors behind a successful life. Give your opinion**  
  
A large number of factors which certain people say can make someone success while others think only hard work and trying hard are reasons for achieving a desire. Personally, I tremendously believe that people must give much effort to success besides our pray to the god for giving a successful life.  
  
To begin, humans are not able to reach their dream without do anything. If they have a high dream, they must give hard work to make it come true. Taking my friend as an example, his name is Irwan. He is one of the most successful students in my university because he got scholarship to continue his study in Hiroshima University Japan before he graduated from undergraduate program. Behind this, he put all of his energy to study hard and made my lecture promoted him to Japan government. Therefore, nothing is able to happen without hard work or determination. If people want to success, there is a large amount of sweat, tear, time and energy they put on it.  
  
However, many people do not realize that there is one main another factor. It is our destiny. We should never forget after much energy is given to raise a desire, after that pray to the God who creates a destiny. Only him who is able to help us, thus every step to success will feel easier. A numerous number of persons has felt the strongest of praying in their successful life. For instance is my father. He always prays to God thus his effort is answered with his dream becomes reality now. Finally, our destiny depends on our pray to God and our big effort to make a beautiful destiny.  
  
To sum up, I believe that determination and hard work are causes to raise success. Both factors, must be supported with always remember to the god and pray for a successful life.
Hello Miss Dioba :p, this just little suggestion for you:  
  
while others think only hard work and trying hard are reasons for achieving a desire  
You see that these blue word mean REPETITION. I suggest to you to change it into the synonym of hard : like this:  
  
while others think only hard work and **SERIOUSLY TRYING / TRYING TAXING /** are reasons for achieving a desire  
  
... people must give much effort (...) for giving a successful life.  
It is kind of repetition again although different form of verb. Why you don't change the second word with GETTING ? It looks like better.  
  
to continue his study in Hiroshima University (need comma here) Japan  
made my lecture promoted him to Japan government  
double verb 2. made ---> v2 + my lecture ---> noun + promoted ---> v2 again.  
  
In Cambridge Dictionary if you search "make" there is an example that it must be form like that :  
**made my lecture promotes / made my lecture promoting / made my lecture to promote**
The Africa's tallest tree has been found in an urban landform on the Mount Kilimanjaro, which has 81,5 meter. The previous tree-height record was found in Limpopo, South Africa, which died in 2006. However, the world's tallest trees were not naturally found in Africa, for instance a 116 meter tall sequoia tree was discovered in North America and a 100 meter tall eucalyptus in Australian. The most important factor that made all of the highest trees was exist come from the other plants which grow nearby them. But, the green giants have faced the threat from illegal logging activity which bothering their habitat. David Seaborg at the World Rainforest Fund in California stated that protecting the habitat of old plants were bringing benefit for all of species in the jungle land.  
  
newscientist
***Some people think that hard work and determination are the keys to success in life. Some, on the other hand, think that there are other factors behind a successful life. Give your opinion***  
  
There is an argument that says to become success in life, hard work and fighting spirit are the keys of that. On the other side, another opinion mentions that there are other factors that can support someone to be more success. In my view, it is important for people to keep hard work, whether there are many factors that also influence their future achievement such as quotient, surroundings, even just luck.  
  
As we already know that Einstein ever said in the past time that "The keys to be successful are determined by solely 1% Quotient, and 99% hard work. This statement actually true because it had already been proven in the real life. For instance, in the past time, the economics of China was below America, but these days, there is a fact that Chinese people have strong characteristic even well-known as the workhorse. As a result of their effort, China is able to defeat the United States of America in many business sectors.  
  
However, I think it is unable to reach the peak just only with powerful endeavor because there are many factors that also have great impact. First of all, is about quotient. We cannot lie that Intellectual Quotient is one of the foremost factor to make our way easier. For example, while people that have low IQ need to study hard for preparing exam, they, who have tremendous IQ just need a little preparation to memorize the materials. Secondly, is their surroundings. Good friends even neighborhood also have enormous effect that affect our future, so we must selective to decide where we should stay, what kind of people that become our closely partner, even the personality of our mates. It is because there was a research that was conducted by many psychologists that said "if people routinely gather with others that are already success, their positive energy will spread inside their mind, so the possibility to become success is increasing". Third, is just luck. It is clear that this factor is likely unimportant, but sometimes luckiness able to decide the final result of our work, so we must pray to our God as much as we can.  
  
All in all, albeit determination and hard work are the keys to become success, but there are still have other factors that look like have less impact, but sometimes there are able to specify the final result of our challenging struggle.
DEAR FAIZ.  
IT IS CLEARLY SHOWN THAT YOUR PARAGRAPH IS NOT BALANCE. YOU EXPLAIN MORE IN ONE ASPECT BUT LESS IN ANOTHER. YOU HAVE TO ADD SOME DETAILS OR EXPLANATIONS IN YOUR FIRST BODY.  
  
ALSO PAY MORE ATTENTION TO THE NOTION, IT STATES TWO FACTORS HARD WORK AND DETERMINATION. YOU HAVE TO EXPLAIN BOTH.  
  
This statement **IS** actually true because it ~~had~~**HAVE** already been proven ...  
WHEN WE STEP BACK INTO THE 90'S ERA, THE GROWTH OF CHINA'S ECONOMIC WAS FAR BELOW THE UNITED STATES'. HOWEVER, CHINA'S PEOPLE ARE KNOWN AS A HARD WORKERS WHO SPENT ALMOST THE ENTIRE OF THEIR 24 HOURS A DAY SOLELY FOR WORKING. BY DOING SO, IT IS NOT A HUGE SURPRISE IF NOW CHINA HAS SURPASSED THE AMERICAN ECONOMIC GROWTH. THEREFORE, IT CAN BE CONCLUDED UNDENIABLY THAT HARDWORKING PLAYS A SIGNIFICANT ROLE IN ELEVATING PEOPLE'S OR COUNTRIES' SITUATION.
**Some people think that hard work and determination are the keys to success in life. Some, on the other hand, think that there are other factors behind a successful life. Give your opinion.**  
  
There are several views of people on achieving the best results. Talking about hard work and determination, some people believe that these are the primary keys to success in life while others argue that other factors, such as luckiness is play a vital role behind a glory. This essay agree with the first notion since somebody are not able to rely their life only on luck.  
  
We are now living in a competition era where people compete with each other owing to monetary consideration. Some of them are getting a successful thanks to a lucky chance, but sometimes they actually have lack of experience or even knowledge. It is went to show according to The British Labour Association that reveals 74% of co-workers who passed the exam and became permanent employees due to a lucky factor, were not success to battle with their peers.  
  
On the contrary, the career path will be totally different with people who want to reach their dreams by scaling up their effort and trying so hard in every job. I take Japan as one of the best countries where the local people really appreciate these factors, and New York Times had highlight the great progress over a decade. The result shows that almost 82% of Japanese pupils in three distinct schools succeed to enter best universities in Japan, The United Kingdom, and The United States. Furthermore, the growing number reveals over the period reveals that these factors are more functional rather than a luck.  
  
All in all, I would firmly agree that people unable to only depend their successful life on something that has less probability, but they have to buld-up their self-conscious about hard work and determination. (283)
Hello sep, well writing n\_n and I must study to your style how to simplify the essay into a small number of words (not like me that always more 300 even 500 words T\_T ) . Just a little suggestion for you  
  
Furthermore, the growing number reveals over the period reveals that these factors ...  
In my opinion, albeit word "reveal" has B2 and C2 class in Cambridge, but you cannot place it in one sequence like that, because it kind of REPETITION. You can change to the other word such as illustrates / displays / shows / depicts or the other to avoid repetition.  
  
Well, Good writing, and I hope can follow your simple style n\_n
Since November 2016, the capital city of Papua, Jayapura, has experienced day-to-day of 4 to 6 hours blackouts because they only had electricity storage gap up to 15 megawatts per day. This routine blackouts were prompted by several technical problems, affecting 110,000 households in Jayapura. Even though Papua have a hydro power turbine which has an electricity capacity of 2 x 10 MW in Orya Genyem, it cannot solve the routine blackouts problem due to issues with a numerous components.  
  
thejakartapost
Aloha, below are thoughts;  
  
(1) [...] day-to-day of 4 to 6 hours of blackouts because **they**(refers to where?) only ~~had~~have(use simple tense to mention a habit of people in Papua getting the electricity every day) electricity storage gap up to 15 megawatts**per day**.  
  
(2) This routine blackouts ~~were~~are prompted by ~~several~~ technical problems, [...]  
(3) Even though Papua ~~have~~can obtain a hydro power turbine which ~~has~~can generate~~an~~the electricity with capacity [...] blackouts ~~problem~~issue due to issues ...
Hello nda, this is some advice from me:  
  
Since November 2016, ~~the capital city of Papua, Jayapura,~~**Jayapura, the capital city of Papua,** has experienced (...) because they ~~only~~ SOLELY had electricity storage ...  
1. In general, if you read many essay or article in English, you must mention the information before add some details that support your main information.  
  
Jayapura ---> the main information  
the capital city of Papua ---> details.  
  
2. Only ----> A1 Word (too common). So, i recommend to change into "Solely" (uncommon) ---> C1 words to boost your IELTS Score.  
  
Keep hard work !
(sorry, i cannot insert image of the graph because in my book)  
  
The educators who successfully accepted in enrollment with regular teaching occupations by graduation year in Ontario since 2011 to 2007 is shown in the line chart and is measured in percent. Overall, recruitment of French-language educator percentage has bigger than English-language teachers and although both of them start in near start point, French-language teachers reach a peak in 2007 while English-language educators bottomed in the same period.  
  
In 2001, both of French-language educators and English-language educators stood at almost the same percentage in a majority. In the next year shows both of them sharply decreased in more than a half. Furthermore, French-language teacher percentage has increased trend since 2002 to 2005 while English-language percentage still decreased to four-ten in 2003. There was a gradual increase since 2003 to 2005 by a small number.  
  
There was a slightly decreased French-language educator portion to approximately 68 percent while English-language educator percentage sharply decreased more than one-third. In the end of period, French-language teacher percentage reached a peak at more than 70 percent. On the contrary, English-language educators bottomed at approximately a quarter.
Hi dioba, let me give you some comments  
  
1. ... in Ontario since ~~2011~~2007 to ~~2007~~2011 ...  
You can make a sequence from smaller to higher  
  
2. ... educator percentage ~~has~~had bigger than ...  
Owing to the fact that the data tell in the past, you must use past tense form  
  
3. There was a ~~slightly~~slight~~decreased~~decrease French-language ...  
There is a verb 'was' in the sentence, so you can change slightly into slight and decreased to decrease  
  
Thank You  
Keep writing
Hi,  
  
... year in Ontario since2007 to 20011 is ~~shown~~ revealed (use less common word )in the line chart ...  
... French-language educator percentage had bigger than ...  
  
There was a ~~slightly~~use less common word decreased French-language (...) educator percentage ~~sharply decreased~~declineddecreased is repetitive word more than one-third.  
  
... educator experienced a trivial decreased to approximately 68 percent,( use a comma here) while English-language educator ...  
  
keep writing :)
Dear Dioba, here some advice for your writing and feel free to correct me too!  
  
...by graduation year in Ontario since ~~2011~~**2001** to 2007...  
  
...~~has~~**had****a** bigger **proportion** than English-language teachers...  
  
... teachers reach**ed**~~a~~**its** peak in 2007 while English-language ...  
  
...~~shows~~**showed** both of them **decreased** sharply ~~decreased~~ in more than a half.  
  
... teacher percentage ~~has~~**had** increased ~~trend~~ since 2002 to 2005..  
  
There was a slightly decrease~~d~~**in** French-language educator portion...  
  
... educator percentage **decreased** sharply ~~decreased~~**at** more than one-third.  
  
Regards
People want to maintain their healthy with consume some diet drinks. In some cases, one of the refreshment contain the artificial sweetener aspartame. Latest experiment suggested the aspartame was crucial interfering human body with an enzyme. The enzyme was called intestinal alkaline phosphatase (IAP). IAP worked neutralization the lipopolysaccharides, bacterial toxins that irritate the gut lining. However, according to Hodin and his colleagues from Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston experiment showed that when it mixed with the sugary drink, it does not react. In addition, it evidenced with using extra IAP such as pill or supplement will possible treat for chronic diseases such as metabolic syndrome and diabetes. Furthermore, when the aspartame was consumed in combination with a fatty diet, it would lead to increase weight gain.  
  
Source : newscientist
Hello! I will give you some opinions about your summary.  
  
(1) ... maintain their healthy **lifestyle***(You need to put a noun)* with consume ...  
(2) ..., one of the refreshment**s** contain the artificial ...  
(3) ... was crucial interfering **for** human body with an enzyme.  
(4) IAP worked **as** neutralization the lipopolysaccharides,...  
(5) In addition, ~~it evidenced~~**This evidence is proved that** with using extra IAP ...
Based on Pollster Charta Politika as surveyor reveals that the highest proportion candidate of governor in Jakarta is occupied by Agus Harimurti. This is followed by Ahok, while Anis Baswedan takes in the last position. The specification survey is 29.5 % for the highest one, whereas Ahok at approximately 28.9 percent. Then, 26.7% is owned by Anis. According to the Yunarto as executive director of this survey institute said that it will occur the second round election since the candidate does not reach more than a half plus one vote.  
  
thejakartapost
Hello Ryan!  
I have re-write your summary, I put some correction there.  
  
... that the highest proportion of governor in Jakarta was occupied by Agus Harimurti, at 29,5 %. This was followed by Ahok, at approximately 28.9 percent. Then, Anis Baswedan took the last position, solely at 26.7%. According to the Yunarto (...) said that~~,~~ it would occur (...) since the candidate did not reach more than ...  
  
I think it will be better if you use past tense since you describe about survey that have been done.  
  
Hope it helps you :)
Hello Ibe!  
Allow me to give you some suggestion.  
  
One of the modern designs of houses (You may use "accomodation" to avoid almost same word in a sentence) is underground house, (You have to put comma here) where it is designed ...  
  
Some believe that this (You may say "The design", it refers to the professional's) design has many advantages such as price low (Low price) and friendly environment.  
  
Hope it helps you :)
aloha Nda18 and nurainiyusuf16, thanks for your suggestion, yet there are some I have to explain according to my knowledge;  
  
(1) price low VS low price  
I write "price low" because I want to mention "price which is low", and then I try to make reducing adjective clause. Therefore, price ~~which is~~ low can be price low  
  
(2)  
  
(You have to put comma here) where it is  
as far as I am concerned, conjunction "where" can use whether comma or not  
  
Overall, I appreciate your thoughts
Nowadays, we cannot deny that in our life there is a separation by our power or capability that is called social status. A studying in America has already shown that social status such as wealthy and poor it influence to health and welfare of people, even for monkeys.  
  
Furthermore, a research at the Yerkes National Primate Research Centre at Emory University regarding rhesus monkeys has found that high-rank monkeys tended to have more better of natural killer cells. In the other words, it is mean that monkeys which have higher rank in their group have more better resistance against viruses than monkeys which have lower rank.  
  
Meanwhile, when the monkeys were resorted, at the moment the low-rank monkeys were moved into the high-rank group, and the research found that it very affected to their immune bodies. Their immune bodies which low at the past became more better as their enjoyed their life with their new members in the high-rank group.  
  
source : newscientist
Dedy, let's start with the problem of your topic sentence at the start of your summary. Your paraphrasing or restatement of the topic that the article discussed is all wrong. Since the article dealt with the study of popularity and its health ramifications on monkeys, then you should have presented the same topic in your thesis statement or topic sentence. After all, all of the information you should be presenting must relate to the original information from the article. So you need to further develop and correct the content of that opening paragraph which, by the way, is too short to be considered a proper paragraph length.  
  
Your summary should be at least 3 paragraphs in length because you needed to devote one paragraph to an explanation or summary of the study done on the Rhesus Monkeys. The whole premise of your second paragraph can only understood if you properly summarize and present the social experiment that the scientists did on the monkeys. Without that connecting paragraph, the whole summary becomes confusing and difficult to understand.  
  
When you write a summary essay, always remember to take note of key words and information that you should include in your summary. Any procedures, such as the experiments done on the social hierarchy of the monkeys present key and vital information regarding the results of the study. So when you are presenting a scientific study, it is imperative that you always present a summary of how the experiment was conducted before you present the results. This makes your summary informative, authoritative, and acceptable as fact to the reader. More importantly. It shows that you have adequate English comprehension skills that can assist you in your studies when the time comes.
hi, these are my thought towards your summary  
  
Nowadays, we cannotbe deny that in our life, there is a separation ~~by our~~of power or capability ~~that is~~ called social status.  
A ~~studying~~study in America has already (...) wealthy and poor ~~it~~ influence to health ...  
  
Furthermore, a research ~~at~~from the Yerkes National Primate (...) rhesus monkeys, has found that ...  
In the other words, it ~~is~~ means that monkeys (...) have ~~more~~ better resistance against viruses than low rank monkeys ~~which have lower rank~~ .  
  
... into the high-rank group, ~~and~~ the research found that it very affected ~~to~~ their immune bodies.  
  
Thank you
**What Your Social Media Profile Photo Says About Your Personality**  
  
Social media has become need everyone in the world. People upload profile photo in social media and it will describe their personality. There are an attempt to match the profile pictures about 66,000 Twitter users with their personality traits. Preoţiuc-Pietro and his colleagues analysed each person's 3200 most recent tweets. It is done to quickly categorize the personalities of thousands of Twitter users. On the other hand, from the group of 66,000 only 434 which completed a traditional psychological survey. extraversion, agreeableness, openness, conscientiousness and neuroticism were big five personality traits which scored by users. The research showed a correlation relationship between test results and the features of each profile picture. Nevertheless, Mandy Jennifer Golbeck at the University of Maryland want to see in profile pictures from other platforms such as Facebook. Meanwhile, said David Stillwell at the University of Cambridge that analysis of the profile pictures are not enough to replace a personality. There are several methods to describe a person's personality by combine the analysis of the profile photo and status of social media users.  
  
newscientist
Andi, while the grammar and sentence structure problems abound in your essay, it does not remove from the meaning of your summary. Your information is complete and accurate enough to authoritatively inform the reader about the data that you gleaned from the original article. There are proper references to the key aspects of the essay such as the other studies that relate to the study of a person's social media profile that will be sure to increase your final score in the actual test. That said, I have to point out the problem aspect of the essay though. The only problem that I can see relates to your first sentence in your opening. The meaning is lost. It doesn't really make sense because the full thought development of the sentence is not completed. There is no topic phrase or keyword that could have helped to give that sentence more meaning in relation to the rest of the summary. Aside from that sentence problem, the rest of the essay did very well in terms of task accuracy.