dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hai @nurul66, I got some suggestions for your writing:  
  
1. but they ~~don't~~ (DO NOT) know .. (in academic writing, you are prohibited to use contraction)  
  
2. ~~hot~~ (HOW) to get it or just...  
  
3. (THE) 5 rules are finding the mentor, (BEING) humble, ~~preserve~~ (PERSEVERANCE), reading a book, and thinking top enough.  
  
4. We can see and take ~~their~~ (HER or HIS) strategy~~/~~ (OR) knowledge to be a success person. **(According to your previous sentence, you use "mentor not mentors", so you should put her/his)**  
  
5. ... your mentor, like teacher(S), parents, or friend(S). **(pay attention on parallel structure)**
**Most people think that truth should be objective rather than subjective when it comes to the news.  
Do you think all news is true?  
What is the function of a newspaper?**  
  
Most information broadcasting in television, newspaper, and the Internet are prone to be added with a lot of writers' or companies' opinion. As far as I'm concerned, there are a plenty of hoax presented in newspapers or TV news programmes. However, news virtually reports credible facts rather than spreads subjective perspectives.  
  
Generally, news has become an effective weapon for most of politicians to influence broaden society with their visions. Therefore, it is no longer credible to serve a number of phenomena from real life condition. For instance, most Indonesian Presidential candidate in 2004 had some supported TV stations to create a good image for them, which was utilized to collect a huge number of votes. For this purpose, the media has to add some persuasive values to attract much more sympathy and appreciations from whole citizens.  
  
Indeed, reporting what was really occurred has to be the primary function of the printed media. It is irrefutable that most people such as businessmen and educators need factual information in order to support them doing their jobs. A company's CEO basically has to know about the real condition of World's stock price in order to make a right decision of his business every day. In addition, teacher needs daily news to give up-to date information related to his subject when he teaches is students.  
  
In conclusion, although the basic role of a newspaper is to share true conditions and information, not all news it contains tells the truth. I personally suggest that we have to be wiser as a member of huge society in order to consider which news we can trust.
hi ekalamarsyari, i'd like to correct this good article..  
  
Indonesian Presidential candidates  
in 2004 had some supported (from)  
TV stations to create a good image for them, which was (who is the subject?)  
  
A company's CEO (i think it's enough for you to write "a CEO")  
... needs daily news to give (an) up-to date information (...) he teaches h is students.  
  
... true conditions and informationS, - because you said "conditions in plural" before " and"  
, not all news ~~it~~ contains ~~tells~~ (tell) the truth.  
  
thank you very much  
^-^
WRITING TASK 2 (NOVEMBER 7, 2016)  
  
***In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.  
  
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.***  
Young aged is the critical periods in people live. The young people needs to improve their valuable experience in this stage. Choose to spend the time by searches something new life experience in work or do travel in a pastime during finishing study or starting new study life in university becomes one's confused desires of them.  
  
Related to the cases, looking for a new life ability through the work after graduated from senior high school would give individuals some advantages. The individual have gained more time for beginning their skills from zero levels. Besides that the individual also can earlier be independent in their financial matters rather than others who decided the studies is them priority before work. However, the choices should have other disadvantages. According to Prof. Dr., John Davidson as the Head of Industrial Psychology Departments at Queensland University argued that the young people who started works after graduates from schools usually trapped into the comfort zone of their works. They would be more underachievement in their jobs because it is unwilling in improves their knowledge in high education more if they have been satisfied with incomes of their jobs.  
  
In contrast, the individual who has chosen for traveled after studying or before starting to learn in the university should have several benefits. They will have more time for considering what the best step for continuing their life after graduated. They will get some experiences from any new people that they have met and that's would make them easily to create several comparisons of their references in study majors or work choices. Even though they need more time for beginning their study, but usually the people like this have mature plans about their futures.  
  
All in all, every choice that the young people have to decide will be related to their successfulness in the future. Work or spends time for preparing to continue study surely have plus and minus respectively, just depends on the individual decided of which the best chosen for their life.  
  
(336 words)
Young age~~d~~ is the critical periods in people**'s** live**s**. The young people need~~s~~ to improve their ...  
Choose to spend the time by ~~searches~~*searching* something new (...) or do**ing** travel in a pastime ...  
  
... the work after ~~graduated~~*graduating* from senior high school  
  
rather than others who decided ~~the studies is them priority before work~~*to study become their priority*  
  
... people who started ~~works~~*working* after ~~graduates~~*graduating* from schools (...) zone of their work~~s~~  
  
in ~~improves~~*improving*their knowledge in ~~high education more~~*higher education*if they have been satisfied with **the** incomes of their jobs.  
  
~~the individual~~*those*who ~~has~~*have* chosen for ~~traveled~~*travelling* after studying
Hello Sarlinda,  
maybe I can help you give many corrections for your essay, such as :  
  
I think must be there ~~are~~is international language ...  
  
The many languages can ~~confusing~~confuse other people  
  
so there are many languages in the world  
  
but not many languages must be learned. we can ~~learned~~learn "because modal + V1  
  
language ~~sertificate~~certificate is started"because after verb must V1 or V ing, not V1"  
  
thank you, keep on write :)
**Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumtances of an individual crime, and the motivation for commiting it, should be always taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.**  
  
Writing Task 2  
  
Execution punishments for cruel murderer have became a hot issue for debate in recent years. As society who think that every body has their own human right. The juridicy should find out more the information regarding to criminal history of the person and their motivation to commit it when decide the punishment.  
  
With regards to some people who agree with fixed punishment, I believe that they want to reduce crime rates which are getting worst and bring detrimental effects on societies. For example, according to a publication from Jakarta Post in 2016, Indonesian's President, Joko Widodo, has regulated a new regulation to give execution punishments for rapists due to the increasing of violations which happen to children under ages. As a result, news crime rates about sex crime decrease suddenly during the periode. Therefore, some citizens create a petition to the government to punish them with fixed punishments.  
  
However, concerning to other people, who still respect with someone's human right, are disagre with the notion. It is because the juridicy should get more detail information about defendant's pyschology. For example, there was a case which happened to a woman who murdered her husband. The woman should be punished for 20 years according to the regulation. On the other hand, she had strong argument to get a justice due to her husband was a person who wanted to shoot her with a gun. Hence, it is important to take an account about individual crime and the reason why they commit it.  
  
In conclusion, I would firmly agree that fixed punishment should be a further consideration on deciding the punishment, according to the defendant's background and their motivation. (276 words)
... murderer have became ~~a~~ hot issue for debate in recent years.  
The ~~juridicy~~juridic should find out more ...  
  
... crime rates which are getting ~~worst~~ worse [ worse=>comparative , worst==> superlative] and bring detrimental ...  
For example, according to ~~a~~ publication from Jakarta ...  
... decrease suddenly during the ~~periode~~period .  
... create a petition ~~to~~for the government to ...  
  
... human right, are ~~disagre~~ disagree with the notion. It is because the ~~juridicy~~juridic should get more (...) defendant's ~~pyschology~~psychology .  
... to get a justice due to the fact thatdue to= because of , due to the fact that= because her husband was a ...
Hello Septia  
You have a good summary  
I have some corrections for you  
  
**As a result, crime news rates related to sex crime was suddenly decrease during the period.**  
  
... the government to punish ~~them~~**the offenders** with fixed punishments.  
  
... who still respect with ~~someone's~~ human right, ~~are~~**were** disagre with the notion.  
  
... should get more detail**s****for** information about ...  
  
... punished for 20 years ~~according to~~**based on** the regulation.  
  
... strong argument to ~~get a justice~~**keep it** due to her husband ~~was a person who~~ wanted to shoot her with a gun.  
  
Thanks
***Children today play very violent games. This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities of the world.  
  
What are your opinion on this?***  
  
These days the number of violence and crime which young people involve is skyrocketing because of accessing video games easily. While children have the right of playing the games, adults should consider as growing up not to effect violently. I refer to the importance of regulation to violent games and means of protecting from violence in below.  
  
At first, it is tendency that children effect on the behavior of adult easily. What they discover trial and error in many experiences is necessary for their parents. In other view, they cannot recover former condition if they give the effect on these games. Adults have to take care of children and teach not to play the games.  
  
Next, governments and adults such as teachers and parents should consider means of regulating these games. First of all, the government must make the law preventing violence. This law aims to grow up children and many people agree with ease. Secondary, teachers have to tell students about the danger of violence. This attitude forbids on the law and gives people to trouble, so teachers need to tackle declining in the number of children concerning with violence and crime. At last, parent should teach their sons and daughters for good manners. When it comes to be better the manners, violence and crime are dropping all over the world.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that governments and adults ought to deal with improving manners and learning. Without right manners, children cannot raise good boys and girls and the rate of crime is increasing.(255 words)
*Hi Naoki, overall it is a good, well-written essay. However, here are some suggestion from me. Honestly, I am little bit hard to understand what you addressed in the second paragraph because It seems the flow does not fluid clearly. Keep it up!*  
  
... crime which young people ~~involve~~*get involved* is skyrocketing.  
adults should consider as ~~growing up~~*grown-ups*~~not to effect violently~~*that such games would not bring any adverse effects for children*  
  
I ~~refer~~*prefer* to the importance of ...*you can also write this way, i would argue that it is imperative to make regulations related to violent games as well as means of protecting in order to keep children safe.*  
  
it is tendency that children ~~effect on~~ could easily (...) of adult ~~easily.~~  
  
~~What~~*when* they discover trial and ...  
  
if they ~~give~~*get* the effect on these games  
  
Adults have to take care of *their* children and teach *them* not to play the games.  
  
This law aims to ~~grow up~~ children *in their infancy* and many ...
**T*he table above gives information on consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.***  
  
The percentage of types of things that were used and were spent by five regions in the world in 2002 is provided by the table. Overall, Turkey was the most country that spent three categories of items. Food, drink, and tobacco were the largest items, which were spent by five countries.  
  
At the beginning, Turkey plateaued at 32.14 percent in spending food items. Then, Ireland was the second larger country that consumed 28.91 percent at those things. It was followed by three other countries (Italy, Spain, and Sweden) consumed the things below 20%.  
  
Italy hit a highest number in using clothing or footwear at nine percent. Then, the percentage of Sweden was the lowest at 5.40. Next, Ireland, Spain and Turkey got the same number of wearing fashions at around six percent.  
  
The figure of Turkey in spending time for pleasure and education reached 4.35 percent. There were two countries got the same number at approximately 3.20 percent that were Italy and Sweden. This was followed by Ireland that stood at 2.2%. However, Spain spent the least time at 1.98% only. 181w  
  
*   
*table*
Nur, the prompt specifically asked you to summarize the important facts of the report. Therefore, the summary overview should have contained more information than what you have presented. You must always remember that a report can only be perceived as accurate when the opening statement accurately provides all avenues of discussion and the parties involved in the report development. That said, I am wondering as to why you neglected to give a rundown of the names of the countries whose consumer spending was going to be discussed in the essay? The rest of the essay would have benefited from your accurate summary because that opening statement carries a bit of weight in the final scoring system. The fact that you can properly summarize and present all pertinent data in the short form paragraph means that you are capable of understanding and presenting even more complicated discussions. Please aim to do that in the future.
The percentage of types of things ~~that~~ >> maybe "that" can you use not in here were used and ~~were~~ spent by (...) in 2002 that is provided by the table.  
  
... country that consumed at 28.91 percent ...  
  
... other countries (Italy, Spain, and Sweden) that "because there is two verb and we must use connector" consumed the ...  
  
my suggestion is :  
you can introduce about the name types of things in order to improve your amount of the words
**In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.**  
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.  
  
Working or traveling after finishing high school is usually doing by young people in the several countries. It happens because some reasons. But if teenagers are encourage to doing that before starting university studies. It will have positive and negative effect for their selves.  
  
Deciding work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies have advantages, which are young people have more experience and new knowledge than other, and then they will more understand what will they take to majority On University. It is caused young people know about their passion. Other than that, people who are traveling on the other Cities or counties will comprehend about the situation every place. It has positive effect for their life in societies before starting university studies. For example: A young people when studied in high school do not aware their ability or still confused to decide department that will take in university. But after having experience for a year they are finally understand and know what are their skill which is want to be developed.  
  
On the other hand, although having advantages when work or travel before starting university studies, but this situation have negative effect. Whereas, when young people have worked and gotten income, they will enjoy and decide to still work and they do not to continue their study. If this happen, will cause some countries just have teenagers who have low education. Having low education can cause lack of economic growth in a country and this situation impact on young people's own.  
  
Based on that, it can be conclude that teenagers are decide to work or travel for a year after finishing high school must know their priority and what are they want after doing that. Because of this have advantages and disadvantages for their abilities and decision, before starting university studies.
Reski, I don't think that you can score higher than a 4 with this essay. It is just too stressful for the reader to try and comprehend what you are trying to say. The lack of grammar and proper vocabulary usage has made the overall essay highly difficult for a person reading it to make sense of. Your line of reasoning lacks proper development and does not always deliver a clear idea as to the message that you are trying to convey. I know that in your mind, you are thinking in your native tongue and then using a very basic mode of translation to write those thoughts in English. It doesn't work that way. You have to learn how to properly develop your thoughts in English by starting out with simple sentence development and grammar structures within your thoughts. That basic skill is what you can use to write a somewhat coherent paper. This, over time, will turn into a smoother version of your thought and writing process in English.
Other than that, people ~~who are traveling on~~ the other Cities ...>>... people who travel to the other Cities  
is better i think, hope it helps.  
  
Reski, I think your essay is good, in my opinion someone if he want to become success must finished his education before to work. because in this world many bad people who can drop and deceive you, if you don't have knowledge. you will failed to become success. And I suggest you don't forget to study hard and pray. I have recommendation movie, you must watch 3 idiots (indian movie). That movie about someone who study hard and he can become sucess without certificate of university. because the intellegence of human divided 3 type, IQ EQ SQ. if you just have IQ and don't have EQ and SQ, probably your probabilty to sucess is lower than people have all of them. In conclusion, if you want to sucess is better you prepare your study before work, because you need knowledge.
**The table above gives information on consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002.  
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
The table compares the amount of different items which spending by consumer in five different countries in 2002. Overall it can be seen that food/drink/tobacco were the higher percentage than other items which was bought of consumer, while leisure/education were the smallest items to bought.  
  
Meals were favorite items for costumer from five countries which was the percentage over 15. And the less favorite items were Leisure/education which was under 5 percent. Consumer from Sweden were the larger percentage to bought diets and cost free time/study than others as much as 32.14 and 4.35. Swede was the lowest percentage for two items, whereas consumer spending on foods just 15.77 and 5.40 for clothing/footwear.  
  
On the other hand, costumers from Italy enjoy to spending of clothing/footwear. This country becomes the biggest percentage as much as 9.00 than other country just under 7.00. And then, become the fourth state which like to bough food/drink/tobacco.  
  
*
Reski, when you write the overview, you have to read the chart right? As you read the chart, you come across the names of the countries that are required along with the information right? Don't you think that the names of the countries are an important factor to present in the overview along with the summary of the chart content? The prompt asks you to include all the important information in the essay. So, I would assume that the countries names are an important part of this portion of the report? It would make sense to include the names just to let the reader know about the concentration of the essay content. You can just do a run down in the opening statement if you wish. Say something like "The chart concentrates on presenting the data taken from the following countries, X, XX, XXX, XXXX, and XXXXX in relation to..." That simple, additional line makes the first paragraph of the essay strong and highly informative. The rest of the essay works out just fine. I really noticed that your main problem in this writing task centers upon how to effectively write an overview. I hope that you can improve that aspect with practice. Take note of my suggestions as I believe it can be of help to you in the next series of practice tests.
hi..  
I have some views about your essay..  
  
The table compares the ~~amount~~[number] [amount is for uncountable noun] of different items which spending[are spent][you want to mention ...  
... that food/drink/tobacco were ~~the~~ higher ~~percentage~~ than other items which was bought ~~of~~ [by] consumer, while (...) items ~~to bought~~ .  
Meals were [a] favorite item~~s~~ for costumer (...) which ~~was~~ the percentage [was] over 15.  
  
I hope it helps..