dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Tuong, there are several missing elements in your presentation that you need to address as a part of your next practice test. For starters, your summary overview is incomplete in terms of information presented and analysis. While you did present the purpose of the graph, you neglected to mention that the measurement used was percentages, the years being presented were on a year on year basis (1996/1997), and there is no indication of the outline for discussion such as the requirement for comparison points. Finally, you failed to identify what the 4 innovative technologies presented in the graph are. These are all part of the summarized or overview of information from the graph that comprise your summary overview.  
  
While I can see that you are trying to increase your vocabulary score by using descriptive measurement words rather than the actual measurements indicated, it would be better for your overall score if you opt to use the data coming directly from the graph instead. That means, you do not say "second in figure (70%)" but rather simply saying it comes in second at 70%. Using a parenthesis means information is optional and thus, unimportant. Which is not the case for these analytical essays so avoid using alternative depictions and also parenthesis. You need to be accurate in the representation of this task because the assumption is that the reader does not have a copy of the graph, hence your report will be only basis of the information, which needs to be data accurate as much as possible.  
  
The normal paragraph requirement for a well scored Task 1 essay is 4 paragraphs of up to 200 words. You only have 3 paragraphs so that means, while you did write more than the minimum amount of words, you are not properly separating the information presentation or you are lacking information presentation in your essay. In this case, you are missing the comparative paragraph at the end. Look at the graph. I am sure that you can see the intersecting points of information right? You have to report about those intersecting points as well because that is the required "comparison" point in the discussion. If it intersects, then there is a similarity in terms of sales or use for a given period and that should be included as additional data in the presentation.
**When designing a building, the intended use of the building should be taken into account rather than its outward appearance. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## **BUILDING AND ITS APPEARANCES**

  
  
In architecture, while it is important to design a building by it's purpose, the exterior should not be of concerned. I, however, disagree to this statement. The reasons will be explained further.  
  
Architects design building by their use. For example, a coffee shop should be cozy and comfortable-looking for the clients. Therefore, designers will create a look that is intended for coffee lovers. Aside from that, not only the interior will be full of art the exudes coffee but also the outside appearance of the shop.  
  
To attract costumers, it is important that the first line of business is appealing to the buyers. Thus, when people see a building that is well-thought out or creative and reflects what its purpose then it can help gain more clients. As a popular adage goes, first impression lasts.  
  
With than in mind, I believe that outward appearance is as significant as the inward appearance of a certain building. As a person, people judge a human being by his or her looks, hence, it also applies to the buildings we cee in the city. If a certain establishment is not pleasing to the eye, people will not go inside or check that place out but would rather tale a step back or walk away from it.  
  
Ultimately, the exterior of a building should not be set aside by the designers. Although the interior is essential in creating buildings, the design outside can also make or break the purpose of it. As it is the first thing that people see and appreciate.
@jalp HelloJae Chan. Hope you are doing good with your study. I have a few comments for your essay as below.  
First of all, your introduction is not clear enough to adress the prompt. Just lose the word "while" then you will have a good paraphase.  
  
For the body, you need to add some linking words to structure it better. Besides, you need to add more ideas to your essay, all 3 paragraphs you wrote only bring out one idea "appearance attracts more customers". You can have more ideas like "the design of a buiding needs to be harmonize with city it is situated". You can not errect a skycrapper in the middle of an ancient city for example.  
  
Your vocab and grammar is good, although there is some typo and odd expressions here and there  
Hope that helps
*IELTS TASK2: Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?*  
  
## language barrier

  
  
It is definetely a big challenge for a person to live in a country speaking with foreign language. I agree this statement, either communicate with others or doing practical stuffs will surely cause some serious problem.  
  
According to a socialist referred in her book" Human can not live without a group." That means people cannot stay alone for very long time, having some social activities with others is necessary. But let us image how if you are in a foreign country and it is hard to find even just one person talk in the same language as you? Furthermore, it is your also your first time to walk around this mysterious country land, will you not feel a little bit afraid?  
  
I suppose that for most of people step on a brand new land will get a great pressure, even if how brilliant their foreign language ability are. There are several reasons for this point, fist of all, the foreign language you have heard from a native speaker may have different accent, different ways of speaking and faster or slower talking speed. Sometimes you can hear very clearly to every word from he or she, but misunderstanding as a embarrassment status; moreover, due to a whole hard working day, you feel exhausted to concentrate on the information you have received.  
  
Few month ago, I went to London as a exchange student, while I took off the plane after fourteen hours long fight-haul, I felt really tired and have the problems to answer what customs asked for. Even the basic query as " Where are you going to start your course?" was a difficulty to me, fortunately, the customs is in a great patient, lowering her speaking speed and try to pronounce as an America accent, since for most of Chinese speaker as I am learned America English most of time, and it was hard to alternate to British English in a very few second.  
  
To summarize, I believe that trying to use a foreign language as a communicative tool in foreign country do have a lot of problems waiting to deal with, but it should bring some positive result at the same time, after you fight over the difficult time of getting used to foreign language.
There are many grammar mistakes in your writing, I think you should pay more attention to those:  
  
It is **definitely** a big challenge ... with **a** foreign language. I agree **to** this statement,... practical ~~stuffs~~ (it is advised that you should not use this informal kind of word like "stuff") will ... serious problem**s**.  
  
Human **cannot** live ... stay alone for **a** very long time/ *a long period of time*. But let us ~~image~~  imagine how if  
  
I suppose that for most of **the** people ... language ability ~~are~~ **is**.  
  
... this point, ~~fist~~ **first of all**, the foreign ... may have **a** different accent, ... from him or ~~she~~ her / *from someone*, but misunderstanding as **an** embarrassment ...  
  
Few month**s** ago, I went to London as **an** exchange student, ..  
fortunately, the customs  ~~is~~ are in a great patient,
Hi everyone, I am a newcomer, just finished my work and want to have some comments to improve my writing for the upcoming Ielts exam.  
  
Please leave comments, sincere thanks!  
  
## the power of advertising affects customer's behavior

  
  
**Topic**: Today the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  
  
**My essay:**  
  
In business world, one of the critical factors in boosting sales is advertisement. The big impact of advertising on sales leads to a strong belief that, the high sales is a result of powerful advertising, rather than of real social demands. I partly agree with the statement, which means, though sales revenue is affected by advertising, it still reflects the actual customer needs.  
  
Firstly, alluring advertisement greatly draws attention of audience, which encourages them to purchase more goods. In increasingly competitive industry, companies attempt to create inventive commercials to enhance customers' brand awareness. For example, knowing that public figures have a widespread impact, producers use their images as an effective way of advertising products. The audience tends to imitate their favorite idols, so they are willing to spend money on the advertised ones regardless of their actual needs.  
  
Secondly, good advertisers know well about human psychology in general and their interest in particular, thus enhancing sales. Take an advertisement of Channel perfume for instance, it is touted that, if men wear an aromatic perfume, they would have a high chance in seeking their beloved partners. Given that love is always a common interest, advertising agencies take that advantage to make their commercials more attractive than ever. Consequently, more people are tempted to buy items.  
  
However, some people might argue that, in the context of ubiquitous advertising, it is totally the consumer's decision of whether to buy those products. Admittedly, not every audience is attracted by captivating advertisement. In fact, when it comes to buying patterns, wise consumers still take into account their affordability first. Therefore, they would prefer allocate money for their basic needs than spend on advertised items to keep up with the latest trends. No matter how vibrant the advertisement is, the consumers could still be able to make their own buying decision.  
  
To conclude, the great effect of advertising is undeniable, but social needs also decide the sales revenue. It is true that power of advertising affects customer's behavior, but consumers should be wise enough to judge which items are indeed worth buying, thus making reasonable decision.
Hi, I have some suggestions for your essay.  
Overall, your essay is very good and easy to read. Your paragraph is well-structured and your essay have a lot of complex sentences as well as academic words, which are correctly used most of the time. You may get a high score in the real IELTS exam.  
  
As the person above states, you should use more phrases to express your opinion in the essay. Moreover, you don't need "I partly agree", just write:  
  
**Though sales revenue is strongly affected by advertising, it still reflects the actual customer needs.**  
  
There are just some small mistakes that I have found in your essay:  
  
In the business world  
  
strong belief that~~,~~ the  
  
I don't think that there should be a comma after **"that".**  
  
alluring advertisements greatly draw attention from audience[/R]  
  
In the increasingly ...  
  
high chance of finding their partners  
  
take ~~that~~ advantage of that  
  
how vibrant the advertisement is  
"Vibrant" is used when we want to describe a bright color or a strong sound. I wouldn't use it with advertisement.  
  
could still ~~be able to~~ make their own buying decisions  
"could" and "be able to" mean the same thing. You don't need both of them in a sentence.  
  
thus making reasonable decisions
It is thought by some that it is better to live in a city while others believe that life is better in the countryside.  
Discuss both the sides and give your opinion.  
  
Although it is sometimes thought that it is better to dwell in metropolises, other people believe that living in rural areas is beneficial. In my opinion, I consider that living in an urban area is better owing to job opportunities and uber facilities.  
  
On the one hand, living in the countryside is better because of the peaceful environment and lesser stress, according to some. In other words, people who live in rural areas have less stressful lives because their needs are a minimal and consequently lesser struggle in day to day lives. Being close to nature also provides a peaceful environment. Another reason why people tend to think that the countryside is better because it offers healthier air and organic food. The environment in the rural areas have lesser pollution owing to a lesser crowd and they can have the food grown in their own farms.  
  
On the other hand, it is often believed that living in a city is better because it provides better job opportunities, basic facilities and I agree. All the multinational companies set up their offices in metro cities which ensure more employment and handsome perks for people working there. For example, all the Forbes top 100 companies have their offices in New York and obviously, this is the reason New York is one of the most populated cities in the world. Furthermore, it is quite evident that urban areas have better healthcare facilities, public transport, and infrastructure. As a result, more and more people prefer settling in urban areas, as it ensures an overall better life.  
  
In conclusion, while people may vary in their opinion, I think that urban areas provide better life as a result of exciting job opportunities, better health care, and lifestyle.  
  
Please review and provide your feedback, I am worried I have my exam on 18th-August, few days left to prepare :(
Hernant, you need to learn to analyze what number of paragraphs are expected in your presentation rather than automatically writing only a 4 paragraph essay. I teach my students that the reference to the number of paragraphs, which helps you learn immediately how fast you need to write, is found in the discussion instruction. In this case, you are looking at a 5 paragraph essay because the instruction indicates:  
  
Discuss both the sides and give your opinion.  
. So the format for the whole essay is as follows:  
  
1. Prompt paraphrase  
2. Public POV 1  
3. Public POV 2  
4. Personal Opinion  
5. Concluding summary.  
  
Only the extent and agree or disagree essays are written in the 4 paragraph format unless otherwise indicated. A 5 paragraph presentation in the agree or disagree and extent essays is optional, depending upon how well you understand and have knowledge about the topic. Those sorts of essays only become a 5 paragraph presentation when an example is presented and explained.  
  
The mistake that you made in this essay is that you placed your personal opinion in the opening paraphrase, which is never done. It is not done because of the 5 sentence limitation per paragraph which limits your ability to discuss your personal opinion. The reason for the limitation: The personal opinion requires the following elements of explanation per paragraph.  
  
1. Topic sentence  
2. Justification  
3. Additional reasoning  
4. Example (optional)  
5. Connection of the example to the topic (optional)  
  
Now, as far as your prompt paraphrasing is concerned, I feel that it has not been properly presented because you used one long sentence presentation for it when it should have been at least 3 sentences in order to meet the minimum 3, maximum 5 sentence allowance per paragraph. This has an effect on your GRA score as you are not really showing off your ability to write simple and complex sentences in the proper manner. I always advice my students to write short sentences that connect to the first sentence for the sake of clarity, cohesiveness, and GRA considerations. I would have written this as:  
  
*A discussion has come up regarding whether there is a higher quality of life in the city or the countryside. On the one hand, those who live in the city believe they have the better living options. On the other hand, the countryside residents believe their area where they live offers more living advantages. This essay shall present the public reasons supporting each point of view after which I shall present my personal opinion regarding the discussion.*  
  
Why should the public point of view be discussed from a public point of view? That is based on the reference point "It is thought by some", meaning the public, in the topic presentation of the prompt. Why should the personal point of view be presented separately as a paragraph? The original instruction requires the 3 body paragraph discussion format with the reference to "Discuss both points of view AND give your personal opinion". The word "AND" indicates a separate presentation for the personal point of view within the body of paragraphs.
I wrote an essay and I hope that you would help me to correct and assess my essay. Many thanks !  
  
Here is the question :  
  
Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems ,as well as practical problems . To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?  
  
My Essay :  
  
## Ielts writing task 2 : Language barrier

  
  
These days , going abroad is increasingly commonplace and many people move to a community in which they have to communicate via languages that are not their mother languages . While it is argued by some that these immigrants would have to deal with a number of undesirable issues when trying to adapt with the society , I still believe that this would bring these people certain benefits in some cases.  
  
There are various undeniable problems that immigrants may face with . Firstly , these people may be totally isolated from the society that they are trying to adapt .A host of settlers will find it reproachful to communicate with others in such a society as they concern that they can be teased at when they can not naturally speak the society's main language . They , consequently , will not practice speaking this language in such ideal environments and will find it hard to make relationships with the native .Secondly , this may have a detrimental impact on immigrants' communicating ability as they may bashfully talk to others speaking the same language when they come back to their home countries . As reported by the University of Vietnam , thousands of Vietnamese students learning abroad can not speak fluently Vietnamese with their family and their friends when they come back to the country . Such unexpected effect happened because these people barely have a discussion with other individuals in the society where they are residing due to the language barrier.  
  
Despite the aforementioned arguments , speaking a foreign language when dwelling in a country still offers some certain values . The first benefit stems from the environment . To people who are proactive and studious , such environments are a superbly ideal for them to practice and learn speaking new languages .Furthermore , this would be valuable for international businesses . If a chief executive officer ,for example , is able to communicate with his partner from a foreign corporation by the partner's mother language , the contract that they are yearning would be easily done because they find a mutual sympathy through the same language .  
  
In conclusion , although speaking a foreign language when going abroad may yield a plethora of problems , this still offers several desirable benefits in some certain respects .  
  
Hoping for your feedback .
Hello @zhongruansg, good to see you  
I have a few feedbacks, hope that helps  
  
1) Task response: For the "what extent agree do you agree/disagree part" you just need to support one idea. It will be clearer for the examniner to see your idea. This essay did not address the question fairly, I'm afraid, as the idea you support has not been developed in depth. It is even shorter than the opposing idea. You may lose your mark here. Also some of the idea is not fully developed which make it hard for the reader to keep track (e.g.: the prompt is about speaking a foreign language but in one of your sentences you mentioned they can barely speak their own language, which is quite unrealted to the topic without further explanation. Shouldn't they be more comfortable speaking their own language if they have difficulty speaking a foreign one? Instead, you can say it create a detrimental effects to their mind and eventually lead to depressions, making them unable to share their ideas with others, even if they are his people)  
  
2) Cohesion: I can see you use linking devices so that's the bright point.  
  
3) Lexical Resource & Grammar: Your vocabulary is wide and a lot of grammar structures were used. You may try to improve by learning collocation related to the subject to increase your band
*Hi everyone, I am a newcomer, just finished my work and want to have some comments to improve my writing for the upcoming Ielts exam.  
  
Please leave comments, sincere thanks!*  
  
## very high wages of some individuals

  
  
**In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn.** Discuss both views and give your opinion.  
  
The questions of whether people should be paid excessive wages is controversial issue in the world. Some countries held this idea that it has beneficial effect on country where people earn a lot of money, others advocate this approach that salaries must be supervised and restricted by government. However, In my opinion, high salaries can create some financial difficulties for governments benefetis in terms of economy and social issues exceed detrimental sides.  
  
There is thought that if governments are willing to make strong their countries they have to provide opportunity their citizens for job satisfication and to make a lot of money. The power of countries rely on citizens' social and economic status which in turn vary from person to person due to financial conditions of people. When human being could be well-worthy they spent their money entertainmet issues and purchase other goods as well as food stuffs, hence, it bring about to evolve other industrial fields and enhance general living standarts. For example, comparing superior and poor countries, the amount of money people gain is not hindrance to develop economy and being one of the the most affluent countries.  
  
On the other hand, one of the policies what makes nations great is restraining people's salaries that is adopted by some countries. They strive to obstruct citizens to get high wages,as a result of this, people do not squander more money redundant things and governments are not forced to have more obligation. For me, taxing authorities could assert their power to impose high tax on unnecessary things and conduct campaign that people allocate their money in sensible way, rather than intruding their salaries. Greece had to experience crisis in last decade which was arised from people's high salaries but the main reason is not high salaries, is people get more money than they deserved.  
  
To conclude, while citizens who get high wages are one of the main reason behind being strong nation, unconscious payments to people also could lead to being undebted country. Government do not think how they can prevent people from excessive salaries, they have to assume role to avoid problems related-wasting money issues.