dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
*Do you agree or disagree:  
The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide.*  
  
## the best pleasure from traveling

  
  
It's true that the easiest way to go traveling is to leave all the planning work to a travel agency, and just sign in to a group tour led by a tour guide. However, I do have certain concerns, and personal experience as well, which support my belief that traveling in a group led by a tour guide is not the best way.  
  
First, it's much harder to get along very well with a group of people, because you may come from different age groups, and therefore have different interests in many aspects. Take myself for example, I once traveled in a group trip to Taiwan, and we had one schedule for buying some local specialties made of stones. I remember the five old ladies in my group was found of that arrangement, but my friend and I spent the whole afternoon playing games on our phones. Further, this difference of interests would lead to unpleasant situations. Think about it when you were admiring some beautiful art crafts in a museum, while some people in your group are busy taking pictures with their funny postures and talking aloud. How annoying would it be?  
  
On the other hand, the tour guide is another great concern about group trip. Aside from providing comprehensive background knowledge of the sites you are visiting, tour guide in reality often put many stress on their group members. In some extreme cases, tour guides even force their group members to buy things from some specified shops, in order to make much money! But if you think about it in another way that we are living in such a world where information is overwhelming, so we can conveniently get any description we want if we are really curious about the sites on our way. For example, many museums offer audio tour guides on a reasonable price, and you will be free to explore your journey follow your own pace.  
  
To put it in one word, I think group members as well as the tour guide both add restrictions which I want most to get rid of. That's why I don't think it's the best way to travel in a group led by a tour guide.  
  
Please help me with specific suggestions, like grammar mistakes or inappropriate use of words etc., and do I address this topic from an appropriate point of view. Thank you very much!
I hope i do not sound rude but I couldn't read past the second paragraph.  
  
The first thing that stood out for me is jumping between writing in first person and in second person. What do I mean by that could be explained by the following:  
  
"Further, this difference of interests would lead to ..." You were originally talking about yourself and suddenly you say "would lead" instead of "lead us" and later "you....".  
  
Another thing that made me jump out of my seat and directly type you back is the following:  
"Think about it when you **were admiring** some beautiful ~~art crafts~~ in a museum, ... your group **are** busy **taking** pictures with their funny ~~postures~~ and **talking** aloud. How annoying **would** it **be**?"  
  
You have managed to add the **past**, **present**, and **future** all at once! If you started with the past tense then definitely follow through with it at least for your example. On another note I crossed out "art crafts" as what the objects you see in a museum are called "artifacts". In addition, it is better to use "poses" instead of "postures" for picture taking.  
  
Also I am not sure of the grading system for the TOEFL exam. Thus, I am not sure if writing in the first person might actually decrease your score. You may need to check on that.  
  
I hope my comment turns out to be helpful in some way.
Tianyi, , this was a pretty good attempt at responding to a direct question essay. However, since you forgot to specify which test you are planning to take, I cannot really give you a specific assessment of your work based on the specific scoring criteria for each test. Please inform me next time about the test you will be taking so that the appropriate review can be provided. With regards to your discussion of this essay,  
  
What I can tell you is this, the last sentence of your first paragraph is a cut and paste of the original prompt phrase for that section. As such, whether it be a TOEFL or IELTS test, you will lose points. You need to use your own original words to describe the prompt and its discussion sentence. You cannot use the same words at all because that shows a limited vocabulary, but a good understanding of the English language on your part. So you will score up in one section and score down in another. That is not an equal balance and it will affect your overall score.  
  
All the English tests prefer that the explanations given by the exam takers be based either on personal experience or popular knowledge. So your reference to your travel experience is good. Offering questions in one paragraph then not responding to it? That's definitely bad. There is no place for rhetorical questions in any English test. Be consistent in your presentation and make sure you always remind the examiner that the information is based on your personal experience. Certain experiences, such as having the tour guide force the tourists to buy from a store is not the norm for most travelers and may be unique to your experience so you need to clarify that in order to use it as a positive reference to increase your scoring points.
## unhealthy lifestyle problems

  
  
TASK  
In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing.What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?  
  
ANSWER  
Nowadays, there is a trend that people are getting heavier than ever before with decreasing health and fitness in some countries. This is not a good sign for our next generation and the society, I think unhealthy lifestyle might be responsible for these problems.  
  
While the pace of life is constantly speeding up, people get accustomed to east fast food or order a take-out from restaurants to keep up with their work and study. And this might be the main reason for average weight increasing, because those junk food are rich in fats and high calories which are not only gain weight but also do harm to individual's health. Apart from that, working overtime and lack of physic exercises make the problem worse. For example, a person who is always busy with work will compress his leisure time of sleep or taking other activities, and these sedentary people are easily get some disease like cervical spondylosis or stoke compared with people who exercise regularly.  
  
To solve these problems, people need to change their unhealthy lifestyles. Firstly, they should get rid of the habit of eating fast food and start to add more fruits and vegetables in their daily diets. This would help them control the amount of salt and fats they use as well as keep a balanced diet. Then for those hard working groups, try to guarantee the sufficient sleep to recharge battery and do more sports activities if possible, thereby they will gradually improve their fitness and build up a strong body to support their jobs in return.  
  
In conclusion, a good lifestyle is crucial to our health. To keep a good figure and prevent form some diseases, we need to cut our every bad habit and eat a balanced and varied diet as well as do more exercises in daily life.
I'm not an expert but would like to suggest you some points.  
1-Word "heavier" is not correct . You can use word obese .  
2-You don't need to add high with calories as you have already written RICH in fats.  
3-Which are not only gain weight -> which do not only gain(increase would be better though) weight.  
4-these sedentary people is not correct.  
5-instead of "salt" use cholesterol as I don't think that salt has any role in weight gain.  
6- How sleep would be helpful to decrease the weight?
Vicki, you opening paraphrase is incorrect as it does not properly represent the discussion topics provided and the discussion instruction. You must always ensure that you prove your English comprehension abilities in the opening statement because that is how your Task Accuracy is scored. A bad TA score will result in a less than stellar performance in the actual exam. The proper paraphrase is:  
  
*There is a worldwide trend of increasing weight among people. This trend has resulted in lower health and fitness level among the heavyset population. There are several causes of this problem which will be discussed in this essay. Possible mitigating measures will also be presented within the discussion.*  
  
There is a reason that it is called the prompt restatement or paraphrase. This section of the test must prove your ability to be able to explain yourself in the English language, using various words (lexical resource) that have the same meaning. This proves that you are able to understand English instructions and, if asked to explain it to a person, you will be able to do so without changing the meaning of the discussion. The opening paragraph you presented did not properly accomplish that task. You were nowhere near a proper prompt restatement of similar meaning. Here is your mistake:  
  
Original Discussion Instruction: What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?  
Your Response: This is not a good sign for our next generation and the society, I think unhealthy lifestyle might be responsible for these problems.  
  
The reason that you made this mistake is simple. The instructions for the opening paraphrase in the Task 2 essay is clear. You are not allowed to present an actual opinion in this statement, only a restatement of instructions because there is no room for the full development of your presentation of opinion in that paragraph.  
  
In addition this problem, you have also shown a careless manner of writing because you did not bother to proof read, edit, and revise your essay when it came to grammar mistakes. You are using the wrong terms in English which will result in a failing LR score. Here are samples of your mistakes:  
  
1. east fast food - eat...  
2.... which are not only gain weight... - what does this even mean?  
3. physic exercises - physical  
4. compress his leisure time of sleep or taking other activities - What?  
5. salt and fats they use - these are consumed, not used.  
  
You were so careless in the development of your statements that all of your scores in the overall scoring considerations will not get a passing score. You need to be careful and build up a proper English vocabulary in order to pass this test.
*"WE COULD NEVER LEARN TO BE BRAVE AND PATIENT, IF THERE WERE ONLY JOY IN THE WORLD". HOW FAR DO YOU AGREE WITH THIS QUOTE? IN WHAT WAY IS OUR HAPPINESS LINKED TO OUR ABILITY TO OVERCOME OBSTACLES IN LIFE?*  
  
my work:  
  
## happiness versus obstacles in life

  
  
Everyone is bound to encounter ups and downs in life and life's greatest lessons are learned through hardships, and according to Helen Keller: "We could never learn to be brave and patient, if there were only joy in the world". I totally agree with this quote.  
  
From my perspective, the quote means that only by facing challenges do we gain bravery and patience and if life is always a bowl full of cherries, we may not improve ourselves. Patience is the ability to wait or continue doing despite difficulties. Bravery is defined as being courageous behavior and is the virtue that is hard to acquire. Tackling problems requires boldness to take actions and persistence in trying and even keeping faith. It also helps us gain more mental strength. If we are continually filled with happiness, life may seems so effortless and we will never be better at it. Joy can not teach us to be daring and calm nor get hold of our feelings.  
  
Our happiness and ability to overcome obstacles in life are closely related. It is obvious that we will feel relief and happy whenever we manage to encounter barrier successfully. The pleasure motivates us to do more bravely in life and get more experience. And, when we fail once or twice, the happiness that we gained before also makes us resilient and start over. Happiness is about being able to make the most of the good times and to cope efficiently with the bad times as we are in a fixed mindset and connect closely with others.
Overall, to some extent I understood where you stood with respect to your agreement with the quote given. However, I had a difficulty reading through as there were several grammar mistakes here and there. This lead to some sentences being confusing.  
  
For instance:  
It is incorrect to say "being courageous behaviour"  
"and is the virtue that is hard to acquire" could be changed to "difficult virtue to acquire"  
  
Another example: "Tackling problems requires boldness to ..."  
I had a rough time comprehending what you were trying to convey with this sentence. You defined bravery and then you suddenly started talking about how to tackle problems. If you were attempting to give an example on how bravery helps or is important for tackling problems, then it would be better to add "For example,...". Another issue I had with this sentence is the lack of commas. With no commas, everything gets mixed together and the meaning of the sentence is lost.  
  
The sentence may be changed as follows:  
"For example, tackling problems requires the boldness, to take action, and the persistence, to try and keep faith, that come with bravery."  
  
I am in no means an expert, nonetheless I hope my comment turns out to be useful in some way.
1. One main issue of your essay is the lack of a conclusion.  
2. Your paragraphs are lacking some examples, some illustrations in order to support your arguments.  
3. Some ideas might not be clearly interpreted, some sentences are ambiguous, so here are some of my suggestions :  
  
... the ability to ~~wait~~  keep waiting or ~~continue doing~~ maintain an existing state of action despite difficulties.  
... as being ~~courageous behavior~~ behavioral courageous and is the virtue ...  
... in trying and ~~even~~ keeping faith.  
... be better at ~~it~~ handling challenges. Joy can not teach us to be daring ...(This sentence is simply wrong. If you are using or/nor, you must be careful. Suggestion: Joy can neither teach us to be calm and daring nor let us get hold of our feelings)  
  
... we manage to ~~encounter~~ overcome barriers successfully.  
... motivates us to ~~do~~ act more bravely ...  
And, (Remove comma) when we fail ... that we have gained before ...  
... to make the most out of the good ... and connected closely with each others.
Chau, the academic focus of your discussion is confusing because you have tried to explain a quote, without really understanding what it means on a personal basis. When responding to explanation essays, the focal point of the discussion must be on the applicability of the essay in your everyday life or a specific situation in your life. By explaining how the quote refers to you on a personal basis, the reader gains a more practical understanding of the quote. There is no need for you to restate the quote at the beginning nor indicate where the quote came from. That is just a word filler that the examiner will realize you have done because you lack a proper understanding of the text so you are hoping to simply fill the time and space with words that do not really offer a pointed explanation of the quote. This is a terribly developed essay because it doesn't deliver an actual and usable explanation of the quote. You tried to explain the superficial or shallow meaning of the quote when what is required, is a deep and insightful definition instead. Next time, approach this from a personal analytical point of view instead.
## activities of students after graduation

  
  
The bar charts represent data about graduate and post-graduate students in the UK. They did not work in full-time after they graduated from college. Both graduate and post graduate students were positions including the further study, past-time work, unemployment and, voluntary work.  
  
First, let's take a look at the graduate students in the UK .The highest number of students was the further study. It was 29,665 students which is a higher number of students than part time work. Moreover, it was double the size than the part time work. The lowest number of students was voluntary work. It was 3,500 students which is a lower number of students than the further study.  
  
Secondly, let's take a look at the students of postgraduates in the UK. The highest number of students was the further study. It was 2,723 students which is as same number of students as the part time work. It was 345 students and around 0.1 times of the further study.  
  
Thirdly, more the students of graduates than the students of postgraduates did not work in full-time. It was about 10 times over the year.
Iksticker, in my opinion, I'd suggest you should work on the main point(which usually comes as the first sentence of each paragraph) for each of your paragraphs. In essence, the main point tells your reader what to expect as he goes deeper into the body of your paragraph. "Make it sound interesting such that your reader would want to read more".  
  
Moreover, your essay fails to draw a conclusion. Concluding paragraphs are equally important as introductory ones, since they provide a summary of all the points made in the body of the essay.  
  
Finally, when making transitions from one paragraph to another, avoid transition words like "firstly", "secondly", "thirdly" etc. You can opt for words such as Moreover, Furthermore, In addition, However(for transition into a paragraph which opposes the main idea of a preceding paragraph).
## money spent for watching movies in cinemas

  
  
Given: *The graph below shows the number of movie tickets sold around the world each year from 1980 to 2010. Ticket sales, according to genre, are presented in millions.  
  
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.*  
  
This is my answer (177 words):  
  
The line graph presented illustrates the sum of money, in millions, spent on movie tickets, from 1980 to 2010. The movie ticket sales are grouped according to movie type. The movie types include comedy, action/adventure, documentary, horror, and comedy.  
  
Overall, the sales, with respect to most of the movie types, have increased over the past 20 years. The sales of comedy movie tickets failed to follow this trend, as they presented an overall drop in sales. Past the year 2000, the action/adventure and animation movie tickets showcase the steepest increase in sales.  
  
In terms of sales, action/adventure and animation movies yielded the most in the year 2010 (around 1500 million and 1200 million respectively). Documenary and horror movies also presented an increase in sales however, at a much steady pace.  
  
On the other hand, the sales of comedy movie tickets were gradually dropping from the year 1980 till 2000. In 2010, there was a rebound (from around 390 million to around 590 million). Nonetheless, this rebound in sales was still less than the sales generated in 1980 (around 620 million).  
  
ps. I would really appreciate a rough band score. This is my first attempt and I would like to see were I stand.  
  
*   
*The graph given*
Serena, you could probably score around a 6 in the official band score for this test. Your presentation is clear but constantly in summary rather than reporting form. Your clarity is acceptable except when you indicate information a parenthesis for 2 different items in the report. I tis best to use the given numerical information at all times because an analytical report essay relies heavily on the factual numerical data given by the original report. Summary reporting does not effectively work in a Task 1 essay. You must make sure that you are constantly double checking the information you are presenting. Be factually accurate and take note of minute / minor details such as the overlapping instances in the graph. This refers to the "comparisons" part of the instruction When certain parts of the graph overlap, that means, there is similar information shared by the graph and this should be reported in the analysis as well. Doing so indicates that you took the time to truly compare and contrast the information given. Overall, good work. You wrote enough words to be above the minimum word count and, more importantly, you have enough simple and complex sentences presented in the essay. You need to improve your vocabulary use but I would not worry about it so much because the mistakes in that area don't really affect the meaning of the sentence nor change the topic of the paragraph. Good job. Keep it up. I know you will do very well. in the actual test.
## Why do you think people attend the colleges or university?

  
  
Each year, they enrolled a thousand students with many countries. However, some students do not know why they should choose to learn in universities or colleges because of wasting time. They can have many ways to be successful but universities or colleges is the shortest way to become that and they can learn or improve some skills which they have known before.  
  
If people want to succeed fast, they should attend universities. In the universities, people can learn lots of knowledge that had researched. After students completed their program, they should get the certification which proves of your knowledge have enough to work in companies. Not only students can learn knowledge, but also they can learn more benefit experience of the older people. Therefore, they use these experience in their work and their life.  
  
Besides students can learn lectures and experiences, they will get some skills. In the university, students make some small groups which work specific activities such as dance group, social group, communicate group, etc. These groups usually perform some activities likely going camping to improve the soft skills in students or work in groups to perform the event, that is the way to help people make the experience in their major or another, they will improve the working group which the important skill in the future. The presentation is also the good method to improve the soft skills. It helps the student to become a convenience, and know how to show their selves.  
  
University and college is not the only one method the make the success, but it the best method to make success shortest and fast. Because of the knowledge, experience and skills learned in the university, they can apply there for the job easily.
## Aviation in the New York metropolitan area

  
  
The bart graph illustrates information about the performance of travellers using three major airports in New york city from 1995 to 2000. Overall, over the period there was a fluctuation in the number of passengers who travelled via JohnF kennedy while both LaGuardia and Newark airports experienced an upward trend.The number of airport has inclined dramatically from approximately 35 millions in 1995 to almost 48 millions in 1997. Furthermore this trend has growth to 32 millions at the last year. From 1995 to 1999 LaGuardia airport using visitors has dramatically increased from almost 35m to 50m. Now the highest visitors peaked to 70 m.on the other hand newark airport passengers from 15m in 1995 to 42m in 1998. Now this position from 1998 to 1999 the trend remained same at 42m and increased slightly at43m in 2000.