dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## the changing patterns of domestic access to modern technology

  
  
The line graph illustrates the percentages of the access to technology devices in the UK household from 1996 to 2003.  
  
Overall, the CD player was by far the most accessible device throughout the period, while Internet usage started a little late but increased considerably towards the end of the timeframe. Computer access was higher than mobile phones for four years, but the latter overtook the former largely in the mid of 1999.  
  
At the beginning of the period, 60% of the British had the access to CD players, the most popular technology device, and it rose consistently to just over 80% by the end of the year. While the other three devices started in 1996, the Internet was just introduced in 1998, and there was only 10% of the population used it; however, about 43% of the UK residents had the Internet in their homes in 2003.  
  
Computer use at homes began the period with nearly 30% which was about 10% more than the mobile phone. Both of these technology appliances increased dramatically throughout the years, but the percentage of mobile phone users surpassed the home computer from the mid of 1999 to the end of the year, with the percentages of 70% and 56% respectively in 2003.
What the writer provided was not a trending statement but a comparative statement. A trend is a prevailing tendency that can be gleaned from a measurement provided. It is a singular statement that shows the high and low of a particular segment. In this case, the writer should have focused on delivering the highest point at the start, and the highest point at the end of the period, even if the product category changes. A trend may also show a replacement of an item over time. It is not a comparison of how well the products did or did not do over a certain period. That comparison should be done as a part of the report. A proper trend is normally presented as a single sentence that properly combines 2 measurements into one presentation.
## multitasking affects people

  
  
In today's busy world, everyone is obsessed with getting more done. Some people believed that the more they do diverse things, the closer they get to prosperity. However, others are of the opinion that engaging in different tasks, makes it difficult to handle all of them at one time. Personally speaking, I hold the view that doing so many tasks, causes distraction, hamper productivity, and as a result, it worsens overall performance.  
  
First of all, single-tasking results in higher concentration and lower stress level however multi-tasking is a focus-killer. Some people insisted on doing the different tasks in parallel to achieve all their goals simultaneously. However, in this way they cannot focus on one specific subject and put their all efforts to get the ideal result. There is no doubt that if you solely focus on something, it will definitely be ended up well. For instance, a friend of mine was going to guitar and violin classes at the same time. She practiced (rehearse) a lot but her expected result was not achieved because she couldn't concentrate completely on both classes. After one year of effort, she felt anxious and dissatisfied. While I think, had she chosen one instrument, she would definitely have made a lot of progress. Also, it seems multi-taskers are more distractible because every time they switch to a new task, they should re-focus which makes them more prone to distractions. Consequently, being focalized is the underlying factor of the process of becoming professional in any field.  
  
second, behind every success, there are years of persistence and hard work. As we all heard, it is quality rather than quantity that matters. It means what is counts is how well the tasks are done. Indeed, the more time we devote to a specific activity the more chance to succeed. By prioritizing our work, we can manage our day to spend adequate time on more important activities first, results in higher quality, results in more quickly. While when we divide our time between a large number of tasks, each of them progresses at a slow pace which reduces our productivity. In addition, doing so many different things may seem interesting at first but in long term, it leads to exhaustion. In the beginning, you may feel satisfied but abruptly, there comes a time when the pressure of doing all those tasks leads you to give up everything. It's important to bear in mind that flawless performance is achieved when reasonable time is spent on an activity.  
  
To put it in a nutshell, concentrating on diverse activities at the same time not only is confusing but is also traumatic. from my vantage point, in order for a task to be accomplished perfectly and yield results, appropriate time should be spent simultaneously with high concentration.
The writer is highly focused on the length of his essay. The unnecessary discussion length makes the opinion presentation feel more like a language exercise instead of a task 2 response. The task 2 essay requires the exam taker to present his full discussion in the quickest and shortest possible manner, hence the 40mminute writing allowance. Keeping the paragraphs short are necessary for the cohesiveness and coherence scoring bases. It also helps the writer avoid grammar errors.  
  
The longer the presentation, the more GRA mistakes are created. This essay is proof of that. That is why, even though the essay shows an understanding of the topic, the overall discussion approach will still recieve a lower scoring consideration. The writer commited the very error he was discussing in his essay. He tried to cover too many topics per paragraph.That is the written equivalent of inefficient multi-tasking.
## extended period of working hours

  
  
Some developing countries have been exploiting labour force in prolonged hours. There are a host of prosperous motives why this proposal is necessary. I take the view that it is a positive trend for everyone.  
  
Generally, people who, works on overtime job, are prone to health complications. As long as you work at office job you may suffer from the deleterious effects of stress and depression. In this case, several companies are grappling with demands of working hour regulations. Coca-cola company, for instance, has restricted overtime works in order for workers to relieve their healthy lifestyle.  
  
Further, working in limited hours enables individuals to acheive wor-life balance. In other words, they can spend fair enough time with family. As a concequence, family life give a fabulous opportunity to mitigate the pycological conditions of human. With the wisdom of hindsight, 30-working hours in weekdays are off the ground in some developed countries, thereby improving the productivity of companies. That is to say, people can recharge their energy by dint of normal duty hours. In paticular, employees who do not have sufficient time to unwind and sleep, which leads to spend mor money on medical treatments. In addition, people who cut their performance hours, will tend to represent full potency of job.  
  
‌To conclude, it is extremely probably that extended period of working hours results in detremental effects of health condition whilst limiting working hours can be feasible approach for employees as well as employers.  
  
‌254 words
The student was off to a good start with a strong restatement + opinion response. It is fairly obvious that the writer understood the writing topic and requirements for the discussion. However, the same cannot be said for the reasoning and opinion paragraphs in the body of the presentation. The writer has English sentence formation issues. He also has several spelling issues in the presentation that, when combined with the sentence problems, led to a totally incoherent explanation in the required discussion paragraphs. It is impossible for the exam taker to gain a passing score beyond the TA section. He can only recieve failing scores in the remaining sections, specially in the C + C and GRA sections.  
  
Spelling Issue Samples:  
concequence - consequence  
pycological - psychological  
  
Clarity Problem:  
  
As a concequence, family life give a fabulous opportunity to mitigate the pycological conditions of human  
- As a RESULT, family... PSYCHOLOGICAL conditions...  
  
Punctuation and Grammar Error:  
Generally, people who~~,~~ work~~s~~ ~~on~~ overtime job~~,~~ are prone to health complications.
## dating sites ARE POPULAR THESE DAYS

  
  
In contemporary society, technology has gained in popularity in great a number of ways. A plethora of convenient websites has been designed in order to accommodate people's demands. Nowadays, individuals are even able to find their second halves through the Internet. From my personal perspective, I strongly believe that belong to sites has numerous advantages over few drawbacks. Both the aspects are demystified in ensuring paragraphs. To commence with, there is no disputing the fact that people have a tendency to have their eyes glued to the screen. With a vast array of teenagers engaging in social media, especially dating apps, would become easier for them to expand their circle of friends. Intelligent functions in certain websites do favors for updating user's profiles to find a suitable soulmate with regard to the interests such as preferences, culinary art, and pets. Tinder, the pervasive application among teenagers where 90% of its users have found their perfect match, by means of illustration. Moreover, people will have various options to figure out the compatible partner for prenuptial agreements, which is by far more convenient than the conventional way of dating. By contrast, there are a number of bad repercussions due to the existence of such applications. It is universally acknowledged that users are not able to feel real emotions during taking part in dating sites. Therefore, it is restrictive for individuals to share their feelings and genuine personalities. In addition, there is a boatload of tactics that cyber-criminals can delude users into some escalating perils. Public information can simply be stolen on account of not having reliable security infrastructures, which is a precursor to some dire consequences. To recapitulate, whether to engage in a dating site or not is an individual decision. It is true that dating app has played an integral role in gathering people closer, however, there are some drawbacks such as cheating and fraud. In my point of view, such applications have a strong influence over the current generation and have so many pros than cons.
The writer must learn to use the appropriate paragraph format for the task 2 essay presentations. That is, an essay composed of seperate paragraphs inclusive of:  
  
- Restatement + opinion  
- Reason 1  
- Reason 2  
- Summary conclusion  
  
Unless the proper formatting requirements are met, the whiter will have a problem with his TA and GRA scores.  
  
The writer is asked to write an opinion regarding "does this do more harm than good?" The writer must opt to explain his support of a single point of new. Either it has positive results or not. The writer cannot use a comparative discussion as it alters the original opinion provided thus, creating an unclear opinion later on. The essay response is only correct when it comes to the areas where it agrees with the writers opinion. So the essay is only partially scorable in this case. It is not going to be a passing score due to under-supported opinion reasons.
## gas emissions worldwide

  
  
The pie charts give the information about gas emissions worldwide in the past 2002 and compare to future data in 2030, while the column chart illustrates the amount of carbon footprint by sectors, namely waste contribution, transportation, consumer, industry in the same period.  
  
In general, it can be seen that the proportion of emissions in developing countries tends to increase remarkably, which is projected to become the biggest slice of total. Moreover, industry will be responsible for the highest amount of CO2 emissions.  
  
According to the pie charts, the largest share of emissions in 2002 was OECD at 52%, but it is estimated to have lost its lead to developing countries with 48%, along with the projected figures in 2030. In spite of the rising trend of developing countries, over the period of prediction, the opposite will beis true for countries with transition economics declining by 1% and OECD dropping from 52% down to 43%.  
  
Looking at the bar chart in more detail, industry will continue to be the major producer of carbon footprint with more than 10 billion tons for this sector. Consumer, becoming the second highest sector, is likely to two-fold increase from less than 4 billion to over 8 billion tons. The period will witness a significant rise in transportation, growing to 6 billion, triple the amount in 2002, making it become the third largest producer. By comparison, waste contribution and other sectors are on the list as well, but produce a smaller amount of emissions.
The student has some major issues with regards to grammar usage. He does not know how to seperate his thoughts into clear and individual sentences to create a coherent paragraph. Long sentences in this presentation prove to make the statements difficult to follow. These lead to confusion on the part of the reader. He must remember that clarity is a key scoring point that cannot be achieved in run-on presentations. His current format will result in failing C + C and G R A scores.  
  
Vocabulary is another shortcoming of this student. More lessons in similar word usage is necessary. Certain words such as " amount " and " number" may be similar in reference, but tend to be used differently in sentence presentations. It all depends on the word connotation.
## contribution of three selected economy sectors

  
  
The visuals present three examined indicators, agriculture, manufacturing and business and financial, contributing in percentage terms to the UK's economy within 100 years.  
  
It is easily seen that agriculture was ranked the most favored in the first 50 years, however, it has experienced a dramatic drop since 1950. Likewise, there was a mild decrease in manufacturing considered as the second preferred sector over time. Conversely, Business and financial saw a steady increase throughout the period from 1950 to 2000. In 1900, the contribution rate of agriculture gained the most as compared to others, at 48 percent, and slightly rose to the peak of 50 percent in 1950. Alternatively, after the climax, agriculture's proportions drastically leveled off and contributed below 5 percent, seen as the least recorded in 2000. Whilst, despite a modest starting point in early times, business and financial, gradually leveling up and surpassing other two sectors to reach the most contributed rate in 2000, at over 35 percent much larger than manufacturing and agriculture, 18 percent and 2 percent respectively. Additionally, manufacturing shared the similar trend with agriculture that its latest figure plummeted roughly by half in comparison to that in 1900. It is evident from the chart that business and financial areas have been massively focused of late, meanwhile, less concentration on the other two are blatant.  
  
*   
*bar chart*
Limit the task 1 essay to 200 words provided within 3 reporting paragraphs. This is the first obvious problem of this presentation. It is not scannable for data. The summary overview is a run- on, that led to a confusing short data presentation. Strive for summary clarity through the use of seperate information sentences. The score for this section is based on clear and quick references, not compressed data.  
  
While the measurement is based on the keyword pucent or percentage, the miter should not have used the singular ten throughout the report. The LR score was limited by the lack of comparative wordusage such as ratio, proportio, and rate. Words that would indicated more sentence variety and English vocabulary knowledge.
Tittle :  
***Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones.***  
  
## Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

.  
  
Thanks to the overdevelopment of information technology, smartphones have never been as accessible as they are these days. Every grown-up has their phone for work, for getting online, for chatting and so do the children. Since the success of the first phone invented, they have been increasingly seen in schools, used by students. Some people believe that this should be stopped due to the bad effects, but there also others who claim the opposite.  
  
The fact that smartphones are supportive in both learning and teaching is undeniable. In many schools in different countries in the world, students have the permission to use their phones on educational purposes. When the teachers and parents are not around, if the child are struggling their appointment, they could go online for the solutions or even have a tutor who helps them via websites and applications. For the introvert ones, this is a great thing. Because they tend to keep themselves to themselves, they surely find it hard to ask for some help in the middle of the class with lots of students. And that is when phones take its effect. Phones make students independent from teachers since they are able to help themselves within a few minutes on the Internet. Furthermore, when pupils can't catch up in classes, they can go online to find documents and practice tests to improve themselves.  
  
However, every coin has two sides. Although phones are beneficial in education, they also have remarkable pifalls. Students do not only have documents in their gadget, they also have games and social media - what draws their attention away from their class. When teachers and unaware, students can hide their phones in bags and use them to do things at are irrelevant to the lesson ongoing. They might not be caught, but this has a totally detrimental effect on their perfomances. Since they are inattentive to the lecture, when it comes to the important part, they will be completely uninformed and soon be left behind.  
  
In conclusion, to my mind, students having their phone at school is a good thing. The Internet is information-laden and will be every student's best assistant in learning if they use it wisely and appropriately. However, restrictions are also required to make sure they use their gadgets for the right purpose.
In the opening statement, the author over presented the introduction to the point of straying from the original content.This paragraph needed only 3 sentences:  
  
- Public opinion 1  
- Public opinion 2  
- Personal insight  
  
The complicated background was unnecessary as it was never a part of the orginal presentation. It was irrelevant in a paragraph that only requires a restatement + opinion.  
  
The personal opinion is in the incorrect spot in the essay. It should, as per the outline above, be the 3rd reasoning paragraph. It must be fully developed prior to the concluding paragraph.The last paragraph is the discussion summary. This essay is open ended and could fail to achieve a passing score because of it.
***Everyone should become vegetarian because they do not need to eat meat to have a healthy diet.***  
## Do you agree or disagree?

  
  
Some people think that it is more advantageous for everyone to become vegetarian because a balanced diet that does wonders for health does not require meat to be part of it. I partly agree with this statement and I think that although perhaps eating only plant foods can provide us a healthy diet, I do not believe that everyone should stop eating meat to enjoy good health.  
  
On the one hand, it is impossible to deny the beneficial effects of vegetarian and plant foods for health. There are different kinds of plant-based foods that contain more valuable and necessary nutrients than animal source foods to support our bodies. For instance, protein animals that are richer in fat and cholesterol than protein plant foods can lead to several dangerous chronic diseases such as obesity, cardiovascular disease, diabetes, etc. in the case of overuse of this kind of foods. Therefore, numerous specialists advise people to reduce consumption of meat and take vegetables as a replacement source.  
  
On the other hand, I believe that the merits of ceasing consumption of meals or any type of animal source foods may be overweighed by its disadvantages. Firstly, it is obvious that some essential nutrients only are found in meat. A clear case of it is vitamin B12, this substance prevents our brain from some mental diseases and plays an essential role in regulating blood circulation. The only food sources of vitamin B12 are foods of animal origin, including meat, fish, and eggs. Secondly, stop eating meat dishes may cause some harmful effects on a large number of people's life. For example, in some countries where people mainly survive by consuming and producing animal-based foods, the fact that everyone is vegetarian may decrease these countries' economic growth.  
  
In conclusion, although it is a good idea to encourage consumers to eat more plant foods, meat is still considered to be an indispensable food source that helps them achieve a balanced and healthy diet.
The writer's response is in the incorrect format. As this is not an extent essay, he is not allowed to "partly" agree or disagree. Such a response can only be used in a measured response essay since that type of response allows for a comparative discussion. The single opinion essay, of which this is, allows only for a 2 paragraph defense of a solid single opinion. The writer has not taken a clear opinion as the prompt requires. His TA score will be problematic. While scores will be applied over all, the lack of properly formatted response paragraphs , based on the discussion question is what will prevent this essay from achieving a passing score. Respond as required.
Please helps me to check this essay! thanks in advance.  
  
***IELTS Writing Task 2:  
Some people say that economic growth is the only way to end world poverty and hunger. Others say that economic growth is damaging the environment and should stop.***  
  
## Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

  
  
One of the growing trends that have gained popularity worldwide is economic development due to its apparent human and social benefits. Although it ensures that the country is out of starvation and poverty in society, others claim that this would have detrimental effects on the environment and should not be perpetuated.  
  
On the one hand, solid economic progress is an optimal way for tackling hunger and poverty. First, the government has enough national budgets to allocate food security and raise living standards, requiring more resources from authorities. In fact, the government increases the national output by collecting more taxes through incentive policies to grow the business to maximise profits. Second, economic prosperity also contributes to significantly reducing the unemployment rate, thus creating more employment opportunities. This means that people make income to afford the basic needs of living things by their abilities.  
  
On the other hand, environmental degradation can arise from investing in the economy. First, factories pollute the air by releasing gas emissions into the atmosphere, or sewage is being discharged into rivers, lakes. If enterprises show concerns for environmental consequences, they would be willing to invest in environmentally friendly technology in order to maximise environmental consequences. Second, the ignorance of the government on allowing enormous projects regardless of ensuring the environment since its benefits, which provide more jobs and pay more taxes for local authorities. The asking of strict regulations to suitable environments acts as a deterrent for attracting the projects or getting development target quickly.  
  
In conclusion, although economic growth is vital to some, protecting the environment is crucial for most. Depending on the conditions and abilities, countries should be able to find their best mix.