dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Feedbacks are very much appreciated. Thank you :)  
  
**A person's worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important.  
  
## To what extent do you agree and disagree with this opinion?**  
  
Unlike the old days, values have been replaced with social status and wealth in how people see others. Society tends to respect those with money rather than those with admirable attitude. While it is undeniable that social status and material possessions play a part in leveling up people's worth, I strongly disagree if those are the only aspects considered in judging people's worth. In my opinion, there is nothing which can replace someone's good deeds for how their worth in society.  
  
There are just too many cases where people with material possessions have it easy with everything. They can avoid law, get away with problems or have positions in government just by bribing the officials with big amount of money. Those are proofs that social status and material possession without values can lead into a toxic society. They may be seen as someone respectable for some people yet it will not last long. People will eventually leave when they have got what they want already.  
  
On the other hand, those who stay true with their roots, keep showing kindness, and respect other people can earn a long time respect from society. Even if the material they possess is not as much, people will see the good side and even if it takes a long time, they will slowly earn respect and people will judge their worth from what they have done not from what they have possessed.  
  
In conclusion, a person's worth may be judged by social status and material possession however it will not last long when it is not accompanied with great values. People with great values, however, can achieve a great worth even if the social status and material possessions are not owned.
I feel that most of your sentences are a direct translation from your native language. Most of your words are not accurate in their choice or order.  
  
Regarding your task response, I think you went off topic in paragraph 2. The question is not asking what is the importance of material possessions or how it would make the life easier >>> it's asking about whether they nowadays contribute to a peson's worth perceived by others or the old-fashioned values still have the upper hand in the perception of people's worth. That's what you should refer to in your response.
Fitri, please make sure that you always spell your words properly using the United Kingdom version of the word spelling. That way you show the examiner that you are familiar with the differences in word presentations between American and UK English. While the examiner will make allowances for the differences in spelling, using the native UK way of spelling words will always help to increase your LR score.  
  
Commas are always used after a conjunction but you failed to do that when you said "... for some people, yet it will not last long". The word long-time is always hyphenated. You omitted the hyphen in your presentation. Do not use an apostrophe S when you are indicating a plural form of a word rather than a reference to ownership. Indicate "peoples worth" to show plurality instead of "people's" which shows ownership. Avoid using informal presentations such as "have got". It is more academically proper to indicate "... they have what they want already."  
  
Since this is already a single opinion essay, there is no need for you to remind the reader by saying "In my opinion". Merely state the opinion in a straightforward manner. The prompt already indicates that this is a one point of view essay. Stick to formal language presentations as well.  
  
As for the presentation itself, your prompt paraphrase was correct up until you presented your formal opinion at the end of it. The paraphrase should have ended at the indication of your extent response. The formal opinion presentation should have been presented as the topic sentence for the second paragraph, which is the start of the reasoning discussion. Remember, you have only 5 sentences to completely explain yourself in a paragraph. The explanation of your opinion cannot be completed in the opening paraphrase, hence it cannot be presented in that section of the essay.  
  
The essay seems to focus only on wealth as the given topic. That could lower your TA score as you have 2 other topics to consider for the discussion. You should have used a 3 reasoning paragraph format for this essay so you could have properly discussed every topic contained in the original discussion. By the way, you also made a mistake when you presented a comparative discussion in your 3rd paragraph. This is a single opinion essay, not a comparison of points of view essay so a single focus on an opinion is required.  
  
Your concluding summary lacks a presentation of the original discussion topic and a reference to your personal opinion to complete the presentation. That should have been a 5 sentence paragraph presentation.
Please help with following IELTS writing task 2.I haven't attempted any exams.I want to check my current level in writing essay.I am writing this essay by going through different essays y different people.  
  
## Different strengths and weaknesses of men and women, and suitability to work

  
  
Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender?  
  
Difference in positive and negative aspects between male and female genders is popular.Discrimination on the basis of gender is a bad idea.Instead of this a professional should be selected according to their willingness to work and their skill set.  
  
Include people in profession considering the sill sets they have.Time and excellence in work is the key factor needed for a profession,so people should be given job if they have the ills required to do the job perfectly and in specified time.There are immense number of job in foreign counties.Job sites in Austria ask for only mastered skills,moreover they provide an option to skip the step which asks for gender. Otherwise people would not try out this website for jobs.  
  
Furthermore,people who ave willingness to work will work in any circumstance.In other words,if a person is willing to work hard in a profession which he is not experienced,he will eventually master the profession and it might lead to a great career.In contrast,people who are selected according to gender and are not willing to do that job will cause problems to the work environment.For instance,people are made permanent in a job after checking their diligence rather than their gender in developed countries.  
  
In conclusion,a person is said to be apt for a job,if he is willing and also if he has particular skills require for this work.Getting into a profession on the grounds of gender is not at all acceptable.
Hi  
I'd like to comment on your punctuation. You should put a (space) after a coma and a full stop. This might sound simple but it will decrease your score. And also there are so many typos here, when you are in the real test, please spare time to recheck the spelling.  
  
For the content, you are not answering the prompt since there is no clear discussion about whether it is right to exclude males or females from certain professions. You just conclude everything at the start and what you explain in the paragraphs are the explanation of the conclusion.  
  
Hope it will help
Note, *I'm not an expert or a native speaker.*  
  
Your answer (238 words) is too short for task 2, your essay should be not less than 250 words.  
  
Difference ... is popular>> I think the difference itself is not popular, it is the **idea** of the presence of difference.  
  
a bad idea >> avoid using any informal or not academic expressions.  
  
Instead of this, a professional  
  
Includ~~e~~ing people in profession (either use the plural form "professions" or put an article " a profession" for the countable singular nouns) consider~~ing~~ should consider the skill sets they have.  
  
Time and excellence in work ~~is~~ are ( I think you mean here "good timing" or "good time management " as a skill not "time"  
key factors  
  
given job>> "hired" is more accurate here  
  
the skills required  
  
number of jobs  
  
foreign countries.  
moreover they >> the usage of moreover here is not accurate ; it should be in the beginning of the sentence (. Moreover, they)  
  
asks ~~for~~ aboutgender  
  
Otherwise, people  
  
who have  
  
any circumstances  
  
if a person ... which ~~he~~ they .. >> use singular they when talking in general without gender specification , or you can avoid this error by using the plural form ( *people* for example instead of *person*)  
  
skills required  
  
regarding your task response : it is not answering the question, try to enroll in an Ielts writing course to have a detailed explanation of the requirements of the task.  
  
Good luck!
Ramus, this essay will receive an automatic failing score because you have written less than the 250 minimum word count. You can write more than 250 words but never less than that. The reason that you fell under the word count is because you wrote only 2 sentences per paragraph when the minimum requirement, that will help you achieve the minimum 250 words is 3 sentences. The maximum is 5 sentences.  
  
All of your paragraph are composed of run-on sentences, which is the main reason why you fell under the word count. You need to separate each sentence presentation by using only one idea per sentence. Do not combine information, opinions, or examples into one sentence presentation. That will almost always result in failing presentation on the part of the test taker.  
  
Never rely on the constant use of commas to separate your thought process. Always use a full stop to indicate a complete thought to the reader. This is not only part of academic writing skills, but also has a direct relation on the coherence, cohesiveness, and GRA scoring of your essay.  
  
Needless to say, there is no part of this essay that would even come close to attaining a passing score, on an individualized bracket consideration basis at this point.
In cities and towns all over the world, the high volume of traffic is a problem. What are the causes of this and what actions can be taken to solve this problem?  
  
## the increased traffic problem

  
  
In past one decade, vehicles have increased by many folds on roads across the globe and this is becoming a major issue, specifically, in metro cities. The prime reason is the migration of job-seekers to urban cities and the secondary one is poor public transportation facility, however, these can be resolved with certain steps by authorities.  
  
To initiate with, the foremost reason for the increased traffic is the relocation of individuals to large cities in search of their employment. That is to say, first thing done by these immigrants is to arrange a convenient mode of transport for themselves when they move to a new place.A recent survey by Regional Transport office in Pune suggests that the number of cars have increased by 100 folds in last 5 years due to increase in migrated population. The second most prominent cause is the poor public transportation which forces inhabitants to buy a personal conveyance. Because of less frequency and unhygienic conditions, daily travelers hesitate to commute via public buses and trains and end up purchasing a convenient mode for themselves. Hence, it can be seen that both these conditions are contributing to the rapid increase in traffic.  
  
However, certain steps in the direction to resolve above mentioned issues can surely curtain the traffic congestion on roads. Firstly, small cities and rural areas need to be industrially developed so as to maintain the concentration of population across the cities which as a result can control the migration to main towns. Secondly, government should invest some funds to improvise the public transportation in order to make it comfortable for the users. With the introduction of Metro train in Delhi, 20% of the vehicles have reduced on road as the commuters find this mode of transport swift and economical. These steps towards development can definitely curb traffic on roads.  
  
To recapitulate, traffic is persistently rising in metro cities all over the world due to increase in relocation from countryside and vulnerable public transport in big cities. To guard this situation, government should take steps to establish industries in small cities and should also, plan to improve public transport.
Note: *I'm not an expert or a native speaker*  
  
past one decade >> I feel it's better to say in the last few decades ( although you should only paraphrase the prompt)  
  
this is becoming a major >>> has become  
  
poor public transportation facility>> either use the plural form ( facilities) or put an article for countable singular words  
  
with certain steps by authorities>> taken by / implemented by authorities or you could say ( steps which should be implemented by authorities)  
  
To initiate with, the foremost >>> remove to initiate with ( it's usage here is mechanical and gives no idea as long as you use " foremost")  
  
large cities in search of their employment >> to search for  
  
That is to say >> I feel that there is a grammatical error here but I can't specify.  
  
The first thing done by these  
  
in the last 5 years >> (regarding the example here, I'd prefer not to use any fake statistics, it's a language test so try to show your language ability instead. Say ,for example, a significant upsurge in their numbers.)  
  
resolve the above mentioned issues  
  
the cities, which , as a result , can control  
  
Secondly, governments should invest>>> again either use the plural form or put an article for countable singular words.  
  
To recapitulate,>> I'm not a native speaker myself but I read several native speakers' comments on this word : it's rarely used nowadays so it's better to use ( in conclusion , to conclude)  
  
and should also, plan to >> I think there is no comma after "also"  
  
\*\* your essay structure is great, you just need to extend your ideas a little more and be careful with articles; this systematic error would reduce your grammar score.  
  
Good luck!
Geetika, there is no such reference as "past one decade". The correct term is "past decade". A decade covers 10 years so you cannot say "in the past one ten years" as your phrase implies. That is improper grammar and vocabulary usage.  
  
You are writing a response to a direct question essay. As such, you are expected to outline the topics for your discussion within the opening paraphrase. You got the paraphrase right for the topic section, but you should have indicated 2 reasons for the traffic problem and, rather than implying a solution discussion, you should have offered 2 solutions to the problem within your response sentence. This error will cause you to receive a lower TA score than you should have actually received for that section.  
  
The direct response essay is the exception to the one topic per paragraph rule. In this instance, you can present 2 connected reasoning topics supported by one encompassing example. However, you are not to go beyond the 3-5 sentence rule per paragraph, which you did in this essay. You may also use up to 3 reasoning paragraphs in the body to better explain your opinion.  
  
Try to avoid using word fillers such as "to initiate" and "That is to say". Those are only used to meet the word requirement, which is unnecessary in an academic essay because each sentence needs to represent a topic or reason immediately due to the limited sentence requirement.  
  
Do not start a sentence with "because" since that is a connecting word used to connect discussion points in one sentence. Do not count out the discussion points either. Practice using transition phrases and sentences to increase your GRA score along with the C&C considerations. Avoid all word fillers so that you can produce an essay that allows you to maximize the LR potential in the scoring system. Use actual words related to the discussion instead of worthless fillers.
## the right approach to math

  
  
Some people think that mathematics is a difficult subject; however, if you know the effective ways I am sure that it will become easier and easier. First of all, you must practice mathematics as much as you can. Doing it day by day will help you improve a lot. Secondly, do not forget to be patient. It is the most important thing you need. When you have a complicated task, do not give up, just calm down, have a deep breath or take a rest and then do it again. Finally, make sure that you have someone to check out your mistakes. Maybe you can learn from them. It is helpful. I believe that you will find it simple to study mathematics whether you follow those steps.
Main, don't forget that when you are discussing two connected ideas in one sentence, you must use a comma after the transitional phrase. Therefore the following presentation required the use of a comma:  
  
*... however, if you know the effective ways **,** I am sure that it will become easier and easier...*  
  
You have a few difficulties with punctuation use in this essay. When indicating a series of connected information, please remember to use an Oxford comma whenever you present a list more than 3 references long. Thus:  
  
*When you have a complicated task, do not give up, just calm down, have a deep breath**,** or take a rest and then do it again.*  
  
The essay is simple enough for a beginner to present. The thought process is clear. You come across as someone who is truly wanting to help his reader. Your work is relatively error free save for the oversights that I saw. These errors were made due to some grammar rules that you either do not know about or forgot to apply in the essay.
**Some people think that high salary is important when choosing a company to work for, while others think that a good working atmosphere is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
## labour conditions are more important than an income

  
  
While some consider that a worthwhile job should be highly remunerative, others hold the opinion that working under favourable conditions is an even much more valuable factor in job selection. This essay will examine both of these points and will support the idea of the importance of a positive working environment because this is what affects both employee's health and working efficiency.  
  
On the one hand, money is widely known as a prime motivating factor for any potential worker in order to afford a decent way of living both for himself and his family. In other words, the higher income a person gets the better living conditions he lives in, the fancier things he may allow to acquire, and the more travelling opportunities he could seize. These material benefits, in turn, bring a sense of personal fulfilment and high self-esteem. For example, the research collected by the National Academy of Sciences found that the emotional welfare of a well-paid individual rises by 40% along with pay increment.  
  
On the other hand, it can be argued that working in a healthy work environment is something that must be taken into consideration as a matter of priority. In fact, I do support this idea because, if an employee is put under adverse working conditions, this is likely to make him feel dissatisfied with his job, which might result in reducing working productivity. Instead of doing his best at the workplace, a person will be concerned about coping with a dead-end job. Furthermore, positive atmosphere at work may have a beneficial effect on human health. Several studies of the World Health Organization showed that this factor diminishes the possibility of such health problems as depression, overstress, or sick building syndrome.  
  
To sum up, despite the fact that high income is considered to be extremely vital for picking a decent workplace, I personally agree with the idea that pleasant labour conditions are an even more major aspect since it enables to prevent health issues and lead to outstanding performance at the workplace.
Anna, you have not properly paraphrased the essay. You are not allowed to begin the discussion, nor present evidence of your personal opinion, within the prompt paraphrase. Not unless you are discussing a direct question essay which, in this case, you are not doing. You should only restate the topic and instructions in your own words within the first paragraph of the essay. Proof of this can be seen below:  
  
*Original Instruction: Discuss both views and give your opinion.  
Your Response Action: This essay will examine both of these points and will support the idea of the importance of a positive working environment because this is what affects both employee's health and working efficiency.  
  
Proper Response Action: I shall be presenting my personal opinion regarding this topic after I analyze the 2 public discussion points.*  
  
In order to write an essay that does not fall back on using memorized phrases, you have to get used to creating a topic sentence for the beginning of every paragraph. An example of an effective topic sentence would be if you had not said "On the one hand" and instead beginning with the topic itself as "The public view that proper monetary compensation is a factor to consider..." This topic sentence offers 2 strong points that will increase your essay score. The first increase, comes from a proper representation of the task, which is to discuss a point of view in every paragraph. The second increase, comes from the C&C section as the discussion clearly focuses on a single topic which does not use word fillers so your sentence structure score has a tendency to increase as well.  
  
The final paragraph, the concluding summary is incorrect. This should not only represent your personal opinion but should also represent the other 2 points of view. If you wish, you may offer that statement within 3 sentences that interconnect as a summary of the previous discussion.
2nd paragraph :  
For himself and his family >> use singular they if you talking about someone in general without gender specification  
You should say instead :  
For themselves and their families.  
  
The same in the following sentences when you are talking about a person  
I'd try to avoid this mess and use the pleural form instead ( workers , people ...etc)  
  
In your example , I'd avoid using any fake statistics, this doesn't add anything to your argument. It's a language test not a university essay so try to use precise expressions instead :  
  
Paraphrasing your example >>> the emotional welfare rates has shown" a significant increase" in several studies conducted by ....  
  
Paragraph 3:  
The same issue of " him , he"