dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
HI Dioba, here's another one from my end.  
  
- Nowadays,the Republic of China  
- A state-backed up a firm that is developing a gigantic space ~~plane~~ship .  
- This space ~~plane~~ship can fly ~~up to~~ more than 20 passengers  
- to the sky ~~space~~ -  
- spaceflight ~~firm has~~ever pledged ~~to fly~~ to date.  
- Before its realization~~realized~~ ,  
- because almost all of the engineering tests ~~have~~has been finished  
- The ~~China~~Chinese Academy  
- space ~~plane~~ship whose design can be scaled  
- ~~up~~ to carry more people.  
- offer six passenger~~s~~ trips to ~~near-~~ space, and XCOR,  
  
There you have it Dioba, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and should you need further assistance do let us know, we are here for you.
**MESMERIZED BY YOUR OUTSTANDING VOCABULARY AND STRUCTURE ON YOUR SUMMARY, I TYPE THESE SENTENCES ON GOOGLE AND, GOTCHA, I FOUND MANY ARTICLES WITH VERY SIMILAR SENTENCES WITH YOURS. THUS, YOU NEED TO SHOW MORE EFFORT ON PARAPHRASING OR AT LEAST DO NOT JUST COPY PASTE IT. WE KNOW IT.**  
  
A state-backed firm is [...] firm has pledged to fly to date.  
The China Academy of Launch Vehicle ...  
Then, I have nothing to do with your essay since I realized that actually this is not 'yours'. Paraphrasing is really beneficial for you, ultimately on IELTS, so practice more to do it well. Need to understand first what you read before you can paraphrase it since paraphrasing means you rewrite the sentences using your own vocabulary without alter the meaning or the real intention of the sentences. Good luck on your study
***Happiness is considered very important in life.  
Why is it difficult to define?  
What factors are important in achieving happiness?***  
  
Happiness is one of the essential factors in life. Some people want to just happy in their entire life. However, there is an opinion that it is quite difficult to define the happiness. There are some reasons why the happiness is hard to be explained. Some factors will influence the way to grab the living satisfaction.  
  
It is so difficult to be explained because there is no standard level of happiness. Some people might think that leisure, for instance, is the key to happiness while others say that wealthy level is more important. This is because every people are different in the way that they define the satisfaction. Also, feeling is one of the keys that will lead someone to the happiness. If you do not have the great feeling on the thing that you say that it would make you happy, you will not get the happiness. For example, you love watching TV and you believe that this will give you an enjoyment. But if you have a un-mood feeling, you will not find the happiness on watching TV.  
  
Even though it is difficult to give a definition of happiness, some factors are important in order to achieve happiness. The most important are your environment. You will get an enjoyment if you stay at the place where you have a positive surrounding. People you want to share your happiness is important as well. Psychologically, it will make you happier than before.  
  
All in all, for the points that I mentioned before, it is clear that happiness is hard to be explained. However, other factors can also accelerate the way to get the happiness such as our surrounding and the object that we can share our happiness with others.  
  
(289 Words)  
  
*Any corrections and suggestions will be appreciated.*
Ivan, as an examiner, I would give this a passing score of 5. Based on some specific factors. There are some inconsistencies in the way that you present your evidence which lead to either incomplete thought development or an inability to produce a coherent sentence. While your line of reasoning is sound, there is a problem with the words that you have chosen to use which tend to lessen the understanding of a sentence. For example, when you said "un-mood feeling" I am sure that what you meant to say was either "Not in the mood" or "unhappy". Either term would have better expressed the meaning of your sentence. Instead, the reader will find himself trying to figure out what you mean by the term you used because it doesn't exactly exist in the English language.
Hi Mr Ivan, these are my correction to your essay  
  
1. Some people ~~want to just happy~~ want just to **be** happy in their entire life.  
2. But if you have a un-mood feeling.  
[ i think you should find another similar word to replace this word, you can use unhappy feeling for an instance.]  
3. You will get an enjoyment if you stay at the place *where you have a positive surrounding*  
4. ...as our ~~surrounding~~surroundings ...  
[personally, to prevent the misunderstanding meaning, you can also write : **the place where you are surrounded by positive people** because i think that 'surrounding' is an adjective, if you want to write it as a noun you should write in in plural form 'surroundings' ]  
  
my suggestion is you should emphasize you explanation to make the essay more clear and understandable.  
goodluck.
Dear Ivan, here some advice for your writing and feel free to correct me too!  
  
Some people want to **be** just happy in ...  
  
... influence the way ~~to~~**for** grab**bing** the living satisfaction.  
  
It is ~~so~~ difficult to be explained ...  
  
..., is the key ~~to~~**of** happiness while others say that **the** wealthy level ...  
  
... that will lead someone to **be** the happiness.  
  
... to give a definition ~~of~~**about** happiness,....  
  
Regards
***Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should be always taken into account when deciding on the punishment.***  
  
In all parts of the world, the criminal matter is the problem making the controversy topic for people around the world. Some people think that the fixed punishments for all crimes are the must. However, I believe that the reason and motivation of crime that is done by people should be considered to decide on the punishment.  
  
Fixed punishment for certain crime is very helpful for the small level of criminal. It can be a brilliant idea for the nations which have the high-criminality rates. In Indonesia, for instance, all cases have to be decided in the court, from the light level to the high level, so that sometimes, the court is too hard to be decided. This idea can reduce the problem of the court and the court's overload can be reduced.  
  
However, including the reason and the fact of the cases is more important. Each people have the presumption of innocence. How about the person having murdered the criminal sneaking to the house and threatening the family's life? If we are thinking that fixed punishment is better, then we will punish the person murdered. But how about the principle of fairness? is it fair for them? No. The facts in the field and the circumstances should be included in order to give the equality of law for all of the people.  
  
All in all, I believe that before we decided the person is guilty or not, we should involve the facts and the motivation why the people did. Although fixed punishment is a good idea, it will be better to provide the equality of law to all of the people around the world.  
  
(275 Words)
Ivan, you are supposed to accurately discuss both sides of the issue prior to presenting your opinion on the matter. That doesn't seem to be what happened in your essay. It seems that you decided to immediately defend your opinion on the topic. I realize that you did not provide the complete prompt to us for reference but thanks to the others who wrote this prompt before you, I already know what to expect in terms of the discussion you are instructed to present. Due to the mistake in your presentation, the essay no longer follows the instructions and therefore, does not properly respond to the prompt requirements. So this essay will not score well in the actual test. Please remember to refer to the prompt as you develop your essay so that you can be sure that you are following and providing the complete requirements in your essay response.
Hi Mr Ivan, these are my correction toward your essay  
  
1. making the controversy topic for people around the world  
[ i think it will be better if you use its adjective and write ' the controversial topic' instead ]  
2. ...the court is too hard to be decided...  
[ the court is hard to decide (the punishment) ]  
  
suggestion :  
1. in your first body paragraph, you should give the example(s) for "small level criminal" to make it more clear.  
2. i think you should read and understand the topic and in this kind of essay, you should explain both opinion instead of yours.  
goodluck
**Hundreds More Species than We Thought Might Be Endangered**  
  
The velvet-purple coronet, iridescent hummingbird, is found in parts of Colombia and Ecuador, and is almost extinct. According to satellite data of elevation and forest cover to approach suitable habitats, the teams advise to rethink in classifying the populations. With elevation models and data from Landsat satellites, they can identify at 586 bird species from Asia, the Americas and Madagascar. They refined the potential habitat for each species, and then examined the changes in forest cover in those areas. According to email from the teams about velvet-purple coronet classification, there are contrast notions between the teams, in which Ocampo-Peńuela's team says its approach is accurate, but the IUCN said the teams were difficult to understand the result of IUCN criteria, which the classification was incorrect about many species in their research.  
  
Source: newscientist.com/article/2112244-hundreds-more-species-than-we-thought-might-be-endangered/
Dear Asmawati, here some advice for your writing and feel free to correct me too!  
  
...iridescent hummingbird, ~~is~~**was** found in parts (...), and **it was**~~is~~ almost extinct.  
  
....they can identify ~~at~~**with** 586 bird species ...  
  
....there ~~are~~**were** contrast notions...  
  
....in which Ocampo-Peńuela's team ~~says~~**said** its approach ~~is~~**was** accurate,...  
  
Regards
Hi Asmawati, below are my thoughts for your summary essay.  
  
- is found in most parts of Colombia and Ecuador,  
- and ~~is~~it's almost extinct.  
- According to the satellite data of elevation  
- advise is to rethink in classifying the populations.  
- then examined the changes in the forest covering in those areas.  
- According to the email from the teams about  
- there are ~~contrast~~contrary notions between the teams,  
- ~~which~~where the classification was incorrect  
  
There you have it Asmawati, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision, for future writing reference, you have to strengthen your sentences and make sure that you have your ideas alined and as this is a summary essay, focus on the details of the essay, be careful in collaborating and summarizing ideas, make sure that you don't sacrifice the idea and the message of the essay, keep your sentences clear and your words simple as you can, in order to ensure clarity and understanding and should you need additional help, we are here for you.
Donald Trump who is selected as president on America's election. It will trigger the alteration about the regulation of environment especially in climate change and also replace Obama's rule. He forces to humankind to reduce their greenhouse gas emissions. The reason for this is the effect of this trend widespread immediately if human still wastes their emissions to the ozone layer. For instance, human-influenced such the burning of fossil fuels also has a big role. Donald Trump realizes this disaster is a huge treat for a human being. Thus, he makes several rules about to tackle this situation such an against tax credits so that it easier to enterprise who have the wind and solar power industries to boost their production. As a result, he wants to extend relation between all countries to utilize all types of alternative energy and it also reducing fossil fuels even though he believes this holocaust maybe gives a big effect until a couple hundred years later.  
  
source : news.nationalgeographic.com/2016/11/president-trump-global-climate-change-denial-environment/
Aloha Riandi, here is my thought;  
  
(1) ~~Donald Trumpwho is selected as president on America's election.~~(your sentence need one more main verb to make it complex)  
(2) **It**(I don't understand where "it" is referred to) will trigger the alteration about the regulation of environment especially in climate change and also replace Obama's rule.  
  
(3) He forces ~~to humankind~~citizens to reduce their ~~greenhouse gas emissions.~~(choose greenhouse gasses or emissions)  
(4) The reason for this is the effect of this trend widespread immediately if ~~human still wastes~~individuals still generate their emissions to the ozone layer.  
  
(5) ~~For instance, human-influenced such the burning of fossil fuels also has a big role.~~  
(6) Donald Trump realizes this disaster is a huge treat for ~~a human being~~habitat .  
(7) Thus, he makes several rules ~~about~~ to tackle this situation such an against tax credits so that it is easier to enterprise ~~who have the wind and solar power industries to boost their production.~~
**The Line Chart : The Number of Visitors on Two New Music Website**  
  
A breakdown of the information about the number of visits on the two new music websites is illustrated in the line chart. Overall, despite having an upward trend, pop parade music site becomes the highest visits by people.  
  
According to the chart, in the first day, pop parade music site has higher proportion than music choice site which shows 120,000 and 40,000 respectively. After that during the second to seventh days, the rate of pop parade music decreases gradually and shows the least proportion at around 20,000. However, the music choice site illustrates a fluctuated level during the days. It also shows narrows gaps down with others figure in the seventh day.  
  
A more detailed look at the graph reveals that during eighth to eleventh days, the number of visitors' pop parade music site increases dramatically to around 140,000 while the proportion of music choice website still shows a fluctuated rate. However, in the twelfth day, the number of visitors on music choice web shows a significant increase and overtakes the place of the highest one at 120,000. Finally, in the fifteenth day, the proportion of pop parade music site overtakes the place and reaches a peak, while music choice site shows a decrease rates in this day.  
  
*
Aloha, here is my thoughts;  
  
(1) A breakdown of the information about ~~the number of visits on the two new music websites~~(please paraphrase this by your own words) is illustrated in the line chart. (add your information about timeframe and measurement of this essay)  
  
(2) Overall, ~~despite having an (...) the highest visits by people.~~(Actually it is hard to understand, so I suggest that your overview should cover all of general trend given)  
  
(3) According to the chart, ~~in the first day, pop parade music site ...~~initially, the proportion of Pop Parade Music starts at 120 thousand which is three times more than Music Choice  
  
(4) ~~After that during the second to seventh days~~from day 2 to day 7 , the rate of pop ...  
(5) ~~However~~in contrast , the music choice site illustrates ...  
  
I hope it can be helpful and I am waiting for your feedback
Donald trump becomes a polemic after winning the election of the president in the USA. All of the politicians got stunning when they heard related to the decision of the election. Donald Trump becomes controversy after he proclaimed to against Moslem and spoke rudely in the campaign. According to economist.com said, Donald trump has won the election because their parties (republican and independent) were voting trump to become president that peaked at more or less 85 % compared to Clinton was supported by democratic that just peaked at 23%. The other reasons. All of the white people voted trump due to the fact that Trump will uplift the white people.
hello hitam manis  
I think it is a good summary  
but let me give you some advice  
hope it works  
  
**1. you should input the address of the website that you visited  
2. repetition of the name of 'Trump'**  
  
~~According to economist.com said~~ , Donald trump has won (...) president that was peaked at ~~more or less~~ 85 % compared to Clinton who was supported by democratic ~~that just~~which have~~peaked~~ at roughly 23%.  
  
The other reasons~~.~~(without dot) all of the white (...) the fact that ~~Trump~~ he will be uplift them~~white people.~~  
  
thanks
A breakdown of the information about the comparison in the amount of guests in two genres of music on the internet over 15-day is showed in the line chart. Overall, it is noticeable that the proportion of both music choice and pop parade illustrates an upward trend. While, the highest position is occupied by a pop parade at the end of the period.  
  
Initially, the figures show a widen up the gap between the level of music choice at 40,000 and pop parade at 120,000. It is followed by 7-day, a fluctuation is showed by visitors visiting music choice sites at 20,000, whereas the number of pop parade decreased dramatically to 40,000, and it represents the gap between lines is narrow down. Then, on 8-day, both of figures a gradual increase to 42,000 and 40,000 respectively. Then, from 9-day until 11-day, a remarkable increase occurs in the level of the pop parade to 150,000, yet the number of music choice decreased slightly by 18,000.  
  
Turning to the day 12 until 13, both the figures experiences an intersection so that the level of music choice predominated the trend. In the next following day, the proportion of pop parade dominates, with rocketing to approximately 160,000.At the same time, the level of music choice illustrates an increase as well to roughly 120,000. Eventually, the number of visitors on pop parade sites reaches a peak at 170,000, while a slight decrease to around 75,000 is recorded in the level of music choice.  
  
*
**Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology.**  
  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion  
  
The debatable issue whether or not students should learn whatever they fond of still occurs presently. It is believed by some people that students should merely study about science and technology in the university because such subjects will be more worthwhile in the years to come, while others assume that it depends on what subjects students like the most. My position is that I am in favor of students should be permitted to learn whatever they are keen on owing to numerous reasons, such as educational cause and passion.  
  
With regards to learning science and technology, the supporters of this notion believe these courses will be more useful due to being easier to land a job when they are mature. This is because in the years to come, it is expected that a chance for getting an occupation from these fields will be higher than other fields of studies. This is also supported by an evidence, in which the advancement of technology are still progressing in the current circumtances.  
  
However, I would argue that the purpose of education is not only to get a job, but also to educate people. Thus, when university only focuses on producing workers, then it is not education at all. As such, the freedom for taking decision to study should be given to students, because the students have rights to create their own future. I also believe whatever subjects students choose, it will be useful in the future. Taking my friend named Anggita as an example, she was forced by her parents to take a major in technology-related subject, which is computer science, and she did not like about it. What happened next was that she rarely attended the class and preferred for attending another class that she loved because her passion was in art. She decided to leave computer science and changed her subjects to art studies. In fact, she currently becomes one of the most favorite actress in Indonesia.  
  
To sum up, the students have rights to opt what subjects they are interested in, because whatever major they take, I personally believe that it will be useful in the future. In fact, the progress of science occurs due to freedom of expression, in which everyone is free to conduct its life as his wanted.
Hi Amrillah, here is some suggestions for you  
  
... on what subjects **that** students like the most.  
  
With regards to learn~~ing~~ science and technology, ...  
This is because in the ~~years to come~~(you've already used those words, it may be varied by**future**,  
  
... progressing in the current ~~circumtances~~**circumstances**.  
  
Best Regards
**(Summary Article) Donald Trump wins the presidential election**  
  
As we know, Before Donald Trump winning the election to became president of United States of America, Many pundits in the world predicted the rival of him, Hillary Clinton will winning the election. Perhaps we still remembered regarding the statement from Donald Trump that he will prohibit to moslem people for came to America. Because he afraid of terorism. Because his statement made many people angry to him. But, the result of election made surprised many people. Mr Trump had been voted from Iowa, Ohio and Wisconsin, and Pennsylvania which last always votes for republican. He had 273 electoral vote, and his rival Hillary Clinton just have 218 electoral vote. Whereas, The rules in america to winning election must get 270 electoral vote. All people hope to him can make america better than now, and his statement regarding prohibition for moslem to came amarica will not happen.
Dear Alfin, Here is some suggestions for you  
  
As we know, ~~B~~**b**efore Donald Trump win~~ning~~**s** the election to be~~came~~**a** president of United States ~~of America~~ , ~~M~~**m**any pundits in the world predicted ~~the rival of him~~**his rival**, Hillary Clinton will win~~ning~~ the election. Perhaps we still remembered ~~regarding~~ the statement from (...) to moslem people ~~for came~~**to come** to America. Because he afraid of ~~terorism~~**terrorism**.  
  
... made many people angry ~~to~~ him.  
Angry is always paired by "about" or "with" [/b]  
**This clause needs one independent clause since you put 'because' in it.**  
  
... of election made ~~surprised~~ many people **surprised**.  
He had 273 electoral vote, ~~and~~**while** his rival**comma(,)** Hillary Clinton just ...  
~~Whereas~~**Meanwhile**, The rules in america to win~~ning~~ election **is that candidate** must get ...  
  
Best Regards
Hi @alfinkurnia,  
  
Here some corrections on your summary:  
  
As we know, ~~B~~ before Donald Trump (...) of America, ~~M~~ many pundits in the world predicted ~~the rival of him~~that his rival , Hillary Clinton, will win~~ning~~ the election.  
  
... he will prohibit to ~~m~~ Moslem people ~~for came~~to come to America~~. Because~~because he afraid of terorism. ~~Because~~~~h~~ His statement (...) angry to him~~. But,~~ , but the result ...  
  
... statement regarding prohibition for ~~m~~ Moslem to ~~came~~come~~a~~ Amarica will not happen.