dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
... type of devices which ~~be~~**ARE** operated as wind turbine *(need comma here)* and the location where it can be ~~applicated~~**APPLIED** in the environment  
1. BE ---> ARE. use kind of be : are  
  
2. before and, it should be added comma if the information / structure of the sentence is not balance  
  
3. applicated ---> not found in english dictionary . APPLIED ---> THE CORRECT ONE  
  
verall, the wind turbine has the same design in many (...) also this device has the same natural resource, ...  
4. REPETITION : YOU CAN CHANGE LIKE THAT :  
**Overall, the wind turbine has the same design in many locations, such as in the sea, lower mainland, or high place. Moreover, that devices are similar in the kind of resource that is utilized for switching on it, by using wind as the natural source.**
**Hi Miss Yurike.  
These are my few corrections through your writing.**  
  
The pictures illustrate about ...  
THE DIAGRAMS REVEALS HOW A WIND TURBINE WORKS WITH INCLUDING ITS COMPONENTS AND LOCATIONS OF THE TURBINE TO GENERATE ELECTRICITY EFFECTIVELY.  
  
**I am gonna offer the alternative overview:**  
OVERALL, IT CAN BE SEEN OBVIOUSLY THAT THE WIND TURBINE CONSISTS OF FIVEPRIMARY ELEMENTS. IN ANY CASE, WHILE THE TECHNOLOGY IS LOCATED ON THE AREA HIGHER, THE POWER OF WIND WILL BE STRONGER SO THAT IT CAN PRODUCE MORE ELECTRICITY.  
  
blades which made from fiberglass r wood  
*make sure that what you write is like in your mind. There was the passive sentence, but you make active. Actually, that can describe if you omit the word "which".  
  
Honestly, I cannot get the points of your writing task 1 in the body paragraph because you did not place signs of commas and periods appropriately. It made your flow worse. You are supposed to harness the proper linking words to make your move smoother from a topic to another topic. Besides that, learn about reducing and omitting as there were the sentences which you omitted or reduced.  
  
I suggest you to read more example to find the sense of the writing task 1.  
keep writing  
GOOD LUCK*
**Television is Challenging Hollywood**  
  
For years, watching Hollywood was supposed lower. Even though, things begin to change. At the moment, it is praised for its smart writing and talented actor. Television appears depend on well-crafted characters than well-known actors. Many people assumed The Sopranos is the biggest TV series in 1990. This series told about the life of the Italian-American mobster. In addition, some people are fans of Frank Darabond The Walking Dead, this is about gore and zombies. People tried to stay alive and stay with human in harmful world. On the other hand, the popular drama is Breaking Bad. It is about a chemistry teacher who has cancer and selling a medicine to pay his medical bills. Walter White was the main character. This movie won wide range of awards. These are several television appears which are challenging Hollywood. Only 90 minutes cannot be done to the movie.  
  
readitenglish
Hi Miss Maliha.  
  
*I have read your summary closely. Honestly, there was a large number of improvement you need. That is so messy. I could not get the point what you meant because you did not build your sentences systematically. You are supposed to harness linking words appropriately to make your flow better. I was confused to understand your sentences because you move from a topic another topic without the transitive words. I had to jump to the other topic without seeing signs. Sometimes I had to reread or pause to obtain the essential points and logic flow you gave. Please, you control your topic so that you can keep coherence and cohesion of your summary. Turning to the grammar, you have been confused about using conjunctions. Actually, there was the linking word, but you presented the conjunction. Besides that, you still fall in the mistakes of verb agreement.*  
  
who has cancer and selling a medicine to pay  
That should be consistent to use the present tense.  
  
Please, you review my notes to diminish your fault.  
Keep Writing  
GOOD LUCK
hai andi  
I have some advice for you  
hope it helps  
  
**please put your attention in conjunction since it is rarely.**  
  
For years, watching Hollywood was ...  
***over following years, Hollywood movie should take a lower price, even though it will change as time goes on***  
  
Television appears depend on ...  
***television will appear when it comes to well-crafted characters than well-known actors***  
  
These are several television appears ...  
***there are several televisions appear which are challenging Hollywood***  
  
thanks
**Percentage of first-year teachers with regular teaching jobs by year of graduation**  
  
The graph illustrates about the percentage of the process finding English and French Language Educator in Ontario each year of graduation between 2001 and 2007. Overall, the recruitment process of French-language teachers is bigger than English-language teachers, and also the French-language teachers show the up trend of the line graph, it means the line graph of English-language teachers shows the opposite. However, two line graphs have the same amount of starting point.  
  
Firstly, the line graph of English-language teachers has starting point about 70 percent in 2001, the fall dramatically in two next years. For two next years again, the graph slightly increases and have the peak at between 40 percent and 50 percent in 2005. Finally, the line decreases again and has the smallest percentage at below 30 percent in 2007.  
  
Secondly, the another line graph is French-language teachers has the same starting point in 2001 about 70 percent, then the line decreases by almost 20 percent in 2002 and also it is the smallest percentage of this graph. However, the line graph increases again in one next year, then it has the slight increase between 2003 and 2005, but the line graph decreases at below 70 percent and finally the line increases again and it means that it has the highest percentage at over 70 percent in 2007.
Hi, there are several mistakes i found in your summary.  
  
1.~~he graph~~(what types of graph? bar, line, pie?) illustrates about the percentage ...  
2. the French-language teachers showed the upward trend of the line graph  
3. ...trend of the line graph~~, it means~~ while( conjunction to make contrast something) the line graph...  
4. Too many repetitions in your summary talk about the line graph.  
5.You have a problem with tenses. you should be explain in past tenses (exception introduction sentence)  
6. It looks like monotone if you are always represent the amount with the number. try to use paraphrase the number ( ex: 25% = a quarter, 70% = seven-ten, 50% = a half)  
  
Keep writing and break a leg!
Dear Yurike, here some advice for your writing and feel free to correct me too!  
  
... French-language teachers ~~is~~**was** bigger than English-language teachers,...  
  
... teachers show**ed** the up trend ~~of~~**in** the line graph,...  
  
...it means **that** the line graph (...) teachers ~~shows~~**showed** the opposite **proportion**.  
  
...two line graphs ~~have~~**had** the same amount ~~of~~**in the** starting point.  
  
...teachers ~~has~~**had**~~starting~~**started** point about 70 percent in 2001,...  
  
...~~the~~**and it**~~fall~~**fell** dramatically in two next years.  
  
...the graph **increased** slightly ~~increases~~ and ~~have the~~**reached its** peak at...  
  
...the line ~~decreases~~**decreased** again and ~~has~~**had** the smallest percentage at...  
  
...French-language teachers **which**~~has~~**had** the same ~~starting~~**started** point in 2001 about 70 percent,...  
  
...then the line ~~decreases~~**decreased** by almost (...) and also it ~~is~~**was** the smallest ...  
  
However, the line graph ~~increases~~**increased** again in one next year, then it ~~has~~**had**~~the~~**a** slight increase ...  
  
Regards
Taiwan council stated that their nation will increase investment in Indonesia regarding economic policy underlying of President Joko Widodo's management. Taiwanese authority met the President and some cabinet members on Wednesday to speak regarding investment consideration in Indonesia, especially in electronics, manufacturing, renewable energy and fisheries areas. The president claimed that the new regulations between both nations will attract Taiwan companies to give more investment in Indonesia, with creating mutual agreement toward these countries. A current data carried out by Investment Coordinating Board (BKPM) in Indonesia discovered that between January and September, the investment from Taiwan industries showed a massive number by $ 118,45 million. However, it was not followed by bilateral trade which plunged sharply at 31,87 percent from 2011 to $8,22 billion in 2015. To attract Taiwanese industries give their investment in Indonesia, Industry Minister of Indonesia, Airlangga Hartanto, said that the local council will try to make easier to plan semiconductor industries in Indonesia. The massive investment from Taiwan will boost exports activities in Indonesia, particularly on semi completed machinery and goods sectors.  
  
thejakartapost
Taiwan council stated that their nation will increase investment in Indonesia regarding ...  
> word order = their nation investment will increase in Indonesia.  
  
Taiwanese authority met the President and some cabinet members on Wednesday to speak regarding investment ...  
I suggest if you want to mention more than one item you should use such as because especially is only use to specific one.  
  
... Taiwan companies to give moreinvestment(plural issue investments) in Indonesia, with creating ...  
  
To attract Taiwanese(avoid TO in the beginning sentence) industries give their ...
The most modern breakthrough tends to be a simple technology. Astonishingly, McDonalds, the fast food company, will engage in improving its system to become more advanced technology. The reason why is perfectly plain that this business wants to compete for drawing customer to purchase its product instead of taking other items into consideration. As a result, roughly 500 companies in the United States also make advanced in their innovation to garner more attention from prospective buyers so as to generate revenue from them.  
  
time
Nina, you did not write a summary of the article. You wrote an opinion paper. The information for the summary should have included the information that McDonalds will be launching their ordering mobile app in 2017. Making mention of the markets that would be part of the launch should have been a key part of the summary, as well as the recently launched ordering kiosks in their restaurants. Mention of the 500 stores of the 14,000 would have been the best way to conclude the essay because that would inform the reader that they can wait for the technology to become a regular part of their favorite branch's service operations. Overall, this is a very weak and uninformative essay. It does not present any proper information from the original article and as such, doesn't do its job as a summary version of the original work.
hi, these are my thought towards your summary  
  
the most modern breakthrough tend to be a simple technology, Astonishingly, McDonalds, as the one of famous fast food company, will DEPLOY more advanced technology in order to improve McD's system. This kind of business compete for drawing customer into purchasing their products instead of taking other items into consideration. As a result, around 500 companies in US also involve advanced innovation to garner *( AmE )* more prospective-buyers attention so as to generate revenue for them.  
  
Thank you
**Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university.  
Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this.  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.**  
  
Certain advice represent that an occupation should be taken for a few years in the gap between graduated from secondary school and higher education institution. Personally, I believe several benefits such as new experience of work and earn money by them self and the negative impacts such as too focus on job and less general knowledge are exist related to this issues.  
  
Enrich work experience and financial matters are the merits of the issue. For wealthy young people, they will easy to enroll in their favorite campus and they can continue their study in there while the others get an obstacle to reach more higher education and prefer to prepare by work. Steward and shopkeeper are the common jobs which they can get apply based on their abilities. From those occupations, adolescent can get more work experience such as how to manage financial, income and outcome of the shop. Furthermore, they get monthly or weekly salary which they get from their effort. For illustrate, adolescent work as a shopkeeper know how to serve the consumers which wide range of characteristics, so he can know how to handle what consumer needs.  
  
However, work in the gap time between school and university also have several demerits for adolescent such as spend their full time and energy to work and they are stagnant in less academic knowledge while some young people work and prepare to gain higher education at the same time. Adolescent too focus earning much revenue and they have a tendency forget about their initial purpose in which they study in university. Based on my personal experience, Ali, my friend, forget his initial aim to gain higher education because her passion to earning much income and he also try to develop his career. He satisfy with what he got from his occupation and he more close-minded because stagnant in his basic knowledge.  
  
To sum up, although work at gap time between after graduated from secondary school and university has certain advantages, the negative impacts more give effect to the adolescent.
Dioba,  
Here's my feedback focusing on the first and the second paragraph of your essay.  
  
1st paragraph:  
- **Certain advice represent that**(from who?I think it needs a clear subject) an occupation (...) for a few years ~~in the gap~~(mentioning "between" has already indicated a "gap". This is redundant) between ~~graduated from~~ secondary school graduation and higher education study~~institution~~ .  
  
- ... benefits such as new ~~experience of work~~work experience and ~~earn money by them self~~self-earning capability~~and~~while the negative impacts... (You need to remember the rule of parallel, either noun, adj, or verb. Your idea should be in "phrase" not a sentence. Therefore, two phrases are needed.)  
  
2nd paragraph:  
- Enriching work experience and financial matters ~~are~~is the ~~merits~~merit of...  
- ...they will ~~easy to~~easily enroll in their favorite campus...  
- ...jobs which they can ~~get~~ apply based on their abilities.  
- ... how to manage financial, either income or~~and~~ outcome of the ~~shop~~company .  
- ~~For~~To illustrate, ~~adolescent~~when they work as a shopkeeper, they will know how (...) which have wide range of characteristics. As a result,~~so~~~~he~~they can know how...  
  
As you can see, grammatical range and accuracy still become the major issues that you need to overcome. I hope the above-mentioned feedback would be helpful towards your writing skill, especially IELTS writing task 2. :)
Dear Brother  
Let me give you some inputs  
  
Certain advice represents that an occupation should be taken by adolescent for a few years ... (who should take a job?)  
  
... benefits such as get new experience of work ...  
  
Enrich working experience and financial ...  
  
they can continue their study ~~in~~(over) there  
  
... obstacle to reach ~~more~~ higher education and prefer to prepare for working ~~by work~~ .  
  
... jobs which they can ~~get~~ apply based on their abilities.  
  
... how to manage financial report , and company profit. ~~income and outcome of the shop.~~  
  
Good luck, see you on next thread
although work ~~at~~IN THE gap time between ~~after graduated from secondary school and university~~**GRADUATION TIME AND UNIVERSITY ENROLLMENT** has certain advantages, the negative impacts ~~more give effect~~ GIVE MORE EFFECT to the adolescent.  
1. Dioba, please study again about the different of usage : IN, AT, ON . Because it really different. At usually use for the time that really detail.  
  
2. between + after ---> I don't know, but i think this kind of form is inappropriate, and inconvenient to hear.  
  
3. more give effect ---> give more effect ---> make the correct sequence of your word.  
  
Good luck broh
This summary will tell us regarding the information about the demographic implosion. In the japan, even though the expectation of life reaches 85 years old, the majority people do not want to fertility because they too busy and shy to procreate. It is clear with the evidence that there are only 1.4 children per woman. The rates number of fertility is two children per woman across the globe. Then, several countries from the Europe and the east of Asia shows that solely at less than 1.5 children. Nowadays, the population in the world always increase since the prediction will reach 9 billion because of high fertility in Afrika. The United Nations make predictions about this situation that it will rise again until 11.2 billion in 2100. Nevertheless, there is no country which can recover regarding fertility due to the demographic doldrums. Furthermore , the expertise of demographic believes that will exist the global crash in 2076. Moreover, Singapore Government preserves their fertility in the lowest proportion.  
  
newscientist
Dear Riandi, here some advice for your writing and feel free to correct me too!  
  
...they **are** too busy and shy to procreate. *(Don't forget about 'to be')*  
  
... and the east of Asia show~~s~~ that **the** solely at less than 1.5 children.  
  
...the population in the world ~~always~~**has** increase**d** since the...  
  
...that **it** will exist the global crash in 2076. *(Don't forget about 'SV agreement')*  
  
Regards
Alfin, your essay is constantly changing from present to past to present tense. That really makes it very hard to read because you do not have an accurate timeline reference for the reader to go by. Since you have already viewed the video and are writing the summary, you must completely use the past tense references throughout the summary statement. By the way, the statement could be longer and more informative if you had opted to take more notes regarding the presentation.  
  
I just can't let the grammar problems of your essay go at this point because I know that you have failed the grammar range and accuracy portion of this test. Please allow me to clean up the last sentence of your paragraph because that is the most problematic sentence in your statement. So, for you for your future reference:  
  
*He has indicated that the future versions of the robot will have the ability for speech and feel recognition, as well as creating relationships with humans.*
Hi, here are my thoughts  
  
... designer who has **an** opportunity to ~~shows~~**show** his invention.  
  
He ~~present~~**presents** a video (...) which has ~~truly~~**true** emotion like human.  
  
It also can ~~responded~~**respond** and ~~recognized~~**recognise** people surrounding.  
  
Although, there are many developed *(......) missing noun*  
  
to make **a** robot like that.  
  
He ~~believe~~**believes** in the future, robot will ~~has~~**have** ability to understand ...
Hello David!  
Allow me to give you some suggestions.  
  
I think you want to make a complex sentence here but I think it doesn't complete. Notice also that there are two Subject-Verb combinations. This will always be the case with complex sentences as there are two clauses.  
  
You should write like this.  
David Hanson as (...) his invention present a video to introduced a robot which has truly emotion like human.  
Or change it into common sentence (s+v):  
David Hanson as a robotic designer has opportunity to shows his invention,  
  
It can give various expression such as smile, angry, and sad.  
  
It also can respond~~ed~~ and recognize~~d~~ people surrounding.  
Remember **modals + v1**  
  
... many developed ways to make robot like that.  
  
Hope it helps you :)
... designer who ~~has~~had opportunity to ~~shows~~show his invention. He ~~present~~presented a video ~~to introduced~~for introducing a robot which ~~has~~had truly emotion like human. It can give various ~~expression~~expressions like smile, angry, and sad' feelings . It also can ~~responded~~respond and ~~recognized~~recognizeto people surrounding.  
  
... many developed (developed what?) to make robot like that. He believed in the future, robot will has an ability to (...) and feeling~~, and even can~~ . What's more it can make relationship with human.
hi alfin, these are my thought towards your summary  
  
David Hanson, as a (...) show his invention, presented a video to introduce~~d~~ a robot having true emotion like humans . The robot can give various facial expressions such as smile (happiness) , anger and sadness . It also can response and recognize~~d~~ people surrounding it . Although there are many development in order to make the robot ~~like that~~ . David believe that in the future, this robot will has an ability to understand human speech and (...) can make a relationship with human.  
  
Thank you
The Indonesia government is designing an initiative to certify vocational school students with multiple skill certificates after finishing several specific syllabuses. This plan is developed to improve vocational school system in order to accelerate the personnel recruitment process after receiving diplomas. According to Manpower Ministry, Hanif Dhakiri, SMK programmes would be divided into several levels, each of which involves a specific courses. To bring this plan into reality, the memorandum of understanding (MoU) has been signed by five ministries.  
  
source :  
thejakartapost
Nda, your summary is very good. It offers almost all of the important key points that were discussed in the essay and offered a clear overview of the reason why this development is important to the vocational students. The only critique that I have is that you did not offer examples of the courses or job departments that would benefit from this accelerated certification. As these were mentioned in the closing moments of the original article, it was important for you to have presented that information as well. Your readers would have wanted to know what courses, for example, would be best for them to take in the vocational schools if they wished to find employment based on their trained abilities. That would have increased the length of your essay and made it more adherent to the requirements for this summary test. Save for that lacking information, the essay is an acceptable and informative summary of the original article.
Hello Alvin, we meet again, waw, it was so amazing that you create new account, i hope it don't because your previous account was suspended right ? hehe.  
  
~~What is~~**WHY** only wealthy kids can ...  
1. You place inappropriate kind of question. What is ? or Why ? It has different meaning. I think based on your TED it explain the reason, so you must place "Why"  
  
if you must borrow money to pay for collegechoose to work than take ...  
PAY : VERB  
FOR : Linking Word  
COLLEGE : NOUN  
  
CHOOSE : VERB  
TO : LINKING  
WORK : NOUN  
  
2. You cannot make the sentence just like that. Bad Structure.