dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
*Are you writing this for a creative writing class?*  
You should always ensure that your language is articulated smoothly. **While your essay has content and attempts to write in a structured format, prose requires people to truly be descriptive in their tone**. You can do this through having more of a story-telling language rather than a muted, monotonous approach to the topic of the essay.  
  
You should also review your fundamentals of grammar **because there were instances wherein you had lapses or puny mistakes that could easily be fixed**.  
Let's take your first paragraph as an example. I would phrase this instead as:  
*I refuse to contact a person who would ghost me twice. This may be common in our easy-going society, however it doesn't mean it is correct.*  
  
Make sure that you compose your sentences as clear as possible through having more hold over the structure. Evade sentences that leave hanging questions.  
Like what I had mentioned in the beginning, you should also try to be more descriptive. Tell stories in relation to what you are stating. *What has she done in the past that qualifies her as a toxic partner? What was an instance that she showed disrespect to other people?*  
  
Your concluding remarks were also quite unclear. *Are you trying to say that you want to let this person go?*  
Like most essay writing, creative works should always aim to have a structured beginning and end (not unless you are attempting to use a different structure). Knit a story that would come out as believable.  
  
Best of luck.
The topic: Some people think that people who choose a job early and keep doing it are more likely to get a satisfying career life than those who frequently change jobs  
  
## Picking a Career

  
  
Choosing a job soon are more likely to get a satisfying career life than who usually change works is not true.  
  
The first thing, Millennial generation are different from Baby Boomers generation. Young people now does not want a normal job such as a civil servant which job always have to stay in the office, deal with so many paperwork which it's really boring. they prepare willing to switch their job. they are independent and don't afraid of unemployment. For instance, an older sister who I knew, she is skilled, pretty and literally confident in herself. she substituted cabin crew for her uninteresting job which she had stucked for a long time. Becoming a flight attendant is her dream.  
  
The second problem of changing jobs is a lot of question have to answer. "How long have you stayed with that job ?'". "Had you ever tried your best yet " I take the view that, we have to work at least 2 years in one job or maybe 1 year. you have to make an effort to complete your work. Trying to improve your skills and when you live you have more things than the first day. To conclusion, to find a good job it's very tough and search for a suitable job for yourself it's more difficult. Continue doing the jobs which you are uninspiring or be brave and challenge yourself with the new work. Everything depends on yourself.
@yoona\_crocodiles  
**Try to use simpler or less complex structures in your sentences to evade potential mistakes**. It's already quite difficult to keep track of the fundamental structures and grammar rules on their own. I would highly suggest that to keep minimum the mistakes, you should always try working with *shorter, concise sentences*. Doing this can enhance the overall flow of your essay because you would have more grasp over the direction of your content.  
  
**You should also try to avoid language that is quite informal. Always stick to an academic format of writing.**  
Let's take a look at your first paragraph. It is nice how you have incorporated more of a story-telling format in this portion. However, it would be appreciated if you could tone down your usage of informal words. For instance, I could revise your second line as:  
  
*Young people prefer staying away from desk jobs that require them to be in cubicles because of the monotonous nature of the work.*  
Notice how instead of mentioning normal job, I had opted to say desk jobs that require you to stay in cubicles because it sounds more formal and fluid. I also did not call the work boring - instead what I had done is mention that the nature of the work is repetitive. Learning this technique can be quite difficult at first; but for as long as you use your dictionary and thesaurus, you'll go a long way with improving the tone of your language.  
  
Apply these comments to the next paragraph as well.  
**You should also separate your conclusion from the second paragraph.** Watch out for your usage of preposition. It should be in conclusion - not to conclusion (not unless you want to say to conclude then it would be grammatically correct). In addition, you should also be more clear with your language here.  
  
Link back your conclusion to the overall context or theme of the essay. It's insufficient to just say that everything depends to the individual. **Mention how fulfilling this path is in comparison to moving too much between jobs.**  
  
Best of luck.
## children's financial responsibility

  
  
*Topic:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at young age. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.*  
  
Here is my answer:  
With the development of society, more and more people come to the idea that children should learn to manage their own money at young age.While,in my point of view,it's of little use for children to manage their money when they are young.  
  
For one thing,when they are young,they don't have enough knowledge about finance, they even have no idea whether it's correct to use their money in some ways.So,it's of great significance for parents to help children manage their money when they are young.  
  
If the parents help children to manage their money,they have the ability to use the money to buy several financial products,which will produce more money as a result.  
  
For another,if the children get the permission to manage money by themselves,they may develope a bad habit like using money arbitrarily,using the money to buy toys or other things they despire of,because they have no experience on making money,so they are unable to know how difficult and hard to make money.  
  
However,in order to develope children's financial responsibilities, there are some tips.  
First of all,parents can set several activities,through which children can earn a little money.During these activities,children will experience the hardness of making money,so they won't use money optionally.As for the money they earn by themselves,parents could set an account for them to store those money.
@yuanyinan  
Are you working with a specific word count? If you are, then I suggest that you **try to manage better your usage of words through removing unnecessary articles and synonymous terms to pave way for a more in-depth discussion**. If you are not, I suggest being more specific with the content that you have.  
  
**You should try to evade words that are quite informal.** For instance, in your first sentence, you mentioned that more and more people come to the idea whereas you should have phrased it as:  
  
Society's development has caused an increase in the amount of people who believe that children should manage their finances earlier.  
Aside from changing those three words, I had as well used more formal language and tone in my composition ("managing their finances earlier") to indicate a more structured format. **Doing this can elevate the overall strength of your writing.**  
  
I suggest that you also try to move around your paragraphs to create an inductive pattern for your reasoning. Your tips on how to develop children's financial management capabilities should be placed at least before you discuss why insufficient knowledge can lead to negative consequences. If you do this, your essay will have a more flared out effect to it.  
  
Try to play around with the structure and formatting. Make sure that you maintain a serious tone throughout your essay - and you will be alright.
**Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.  
  
Discuss both views  
  
## earlier money or more education

  
  
ANSWER:**  
When they finish school, one of the greatest difficulties faced by teenagers is the issue of whether to earn a living or continute their studies. From my view. I would argue that is better than to become a postgraduated student.  
  
The choice to start work right after high school is appealing for several reasons. Many adolesence would like to start earning money at the earliest. By doing so, they can be more mature and they will not rely on their family as well as start a new life with their lovers. Instead of studying their major, their decision may be progress more quickly. Simultaneously, they will also have the chance to learn practicial skills and gradually get more of pricey experience.  
  
On the other hand, I believe that it is more advantageous for students to continue their education. Firstly, training and studying at university or college create conditions and knowledge for better job search. For instance, an excellent degree are required in many job such as : teacher, doctor, policeman, etc. As a result, those degrees will help you acess to more and better job opportunities, and they will be given a significant salety per month and will be increased over time. Secondly, the job market is increasing considerably potential applicants. Especially, those applicants are sent to big companies. So, young people don't have good qualifications from a university or a college will not able to compete.  
  
For the reasons mentioned aboce, it clearly that students are more likely to conquer their dream job if thet continue their studies beyond school level.
both conditions are crucial for teenagers. whether they decide to make money first or continue their study, actually it is their choice fully. In my point of view, it is better to continue the study first rather than finding a job. there are several reasons such as when you continue your study to the highest level, you will increase your skill and knowledge that will help you to be a qualified job seeker. Also, by continuing your study, you will get an appropriate position in your future job based on your expertise.
@kwang\_ha  
**You should be more clear with your language.** From the get-go, it was quite unclear which position you wanted to take in as a perspective for your essay. While it became clear in your succeeding paragraphs, *it would be better for your essay's structure if you can introduce this concept earlier*.  
  
Let's have a look at what you have written. You merely mentioned that*"that is better than to become a postgraduate student"* whereas you could have already said:  
  
*From my perspective, I would argue that it is better to pursue postgraduate degrees.*  
You should watch out for your usage of particular words. If you look at your second paragraph, you had mentioned that there are many adolescence. This is an incorrect usage of the word adolescence because this noun does not pertain to the people themselves in the stage - *rather it only pertains to the stage itself of growth*. In the next sentence, *the thought process that you had was quite unclear as well*. How exactly does earning money make an individual more mature and independent? To what extent does financial independence help an individual grow? If you can tackle these issues, it would help facilitate your essay's thought process.  
  
Regarding your third paragraph, you should expound more on the thoughts that you have for your essay. What I would recommend is that you expound more about what advanced education teaches students. **You can potentially discuss what specific skills this teaches people**. If you can tackle these ideas, then you would be able to go in-depth as to what truly goes on in this field.  
  
What you can do as well is contextualize your essay. If you can expound your ideas through perhaps focusing on a specific field. You were sporadically mentioning multiple career paths that could potentially be used. **But what would be helpful is if you could, for instance, just pay attention to one and curate a story of how this field plays out with advanced studies.**  
  
Just work on your content's substantiation - and you'll be fine. Best of luck.
## reading books is becoming less common

  
  
Answer:  
In recent years, there is a significant decrease in reading books of the young. This essay will discuss the main factors of reading less and possible solutions to this problem.  
  
To begin with, there are two main reasons why young people read few books. Firstly, they are too busy, so they do not have an excess of free time. Today, people are under pressure of earning money, face heavy load of work all day, even when going home. Therefore, they could be exhausted and do not want to do anything. If they need to search the information, they will surf the Internet instead of gaining from the books. Secondly, a lot of things are considered to be more interesting than reading books when technology develops. For instance, the youngster are attracted by kinds of entertainment tools such as games, films, social networks and so on. They spend much time enjoying these in place of reading books because they feel comfortable. As a result, the number of young readers gradually decrease significantly.  
  
Some possible solutions to this issue are raise awareness of readers and quality planning. Firstly, the youngster also should be educated about the aims and merits of reading books to undertake voluntarily. Because when they really understand the benefits of reading reads, they will change their habits to spend more time on this. They should build a perfect plan to save the free time such as: reading in bus, during short breaks and so on. Equally important, the schools, libraries should have several kinds of books which are suitable and charming to the teen. Moreover, finding a reading - friend is a good idea. They can read one book together and share knowledge which they have gained. In this way, reading books will become more meaningful and exciting.  
  
In conclusion, there are some reasons why reading books is becoming less common in today's world, and solutions should be done early to increase the number of readers come back with books.
**I would firstly recommend that you watch out for your usage of the definitive article the.** There were instances wherein you should have placed it but failed to do so - and, on the contrary, you were also placing it in places wherein you did not necessarily need to.  
  
In relation to this, I would revise your first paragraph as:  
*The recent years have witnessed a significant decrease of young people reading books. This essay will discuss the factors that led to this and the possible solutions to the problem.*  
  
**Notice how I had shifted around your wordings to have a better structure.** Furthermore, I had also ensured that your usage of articles is better through targeting which portions need a the and which portions do not. For formality purposes, I had placed a the before possible solutions. If you reread it, it should appear a bit more put-together than what you have previously constructed.  
  
**I would also recommend that you watch out for your usage of quantifiers or countable(s) (few, fewer, fewest)**. Notice how in your second paragraph, you were merely saying that young people read few books whereas the main issue of the essay wants you tackle the lessening (hence why it is supposed to be *fewer*) of the reading of said material. These small mistakes are mostly technical that have to be grasped.  
  
**You should also watch out for the formatting of your verbs.** When you are composing your texts, it is only right that you maintain the basic rules. For instance, when you're integrating multiple verbs in one sentence, you should always make sure that you implement the same format all throughout.  
  
Let's look at the third sentence of your second paragraph. We should instead phrase it as:  
*People nowadays are under the pressure to earn money, hence why they face heavy work load everyday even as they go home.*  
Doing this can give your essay more direction and structure *because it follows through with the conventions of writing*. Notice how I also altered specific parts such as putting everyday instead of all day to articulate in a more formal manner.  
  
**You should watch out for your usage verbs that do not quite fit with the structure of your essay.**  
We can observe this in the second sentence of your third paragraph wherein it should have been:  
Firstly, young people should be educated about the merits of reading books for them to voluntarily partake in it.  
Notice how instead of using the word youngster, I replaced it with a more formal word (young people). You can also observe how I had omitted aims considering that you had already mentioned a synonymous word (merits). Lastly, because undertake voluntarily seemed out of place in this text, I had replaced it with voluntarily partaking considering that a present participle is more warranted in this case.  
  
**You can apply these techniques all throughout your essay.**  
Best of luck.
## Teenagers to do unpaid work

  
  
**Topic** Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree?  
  
Voluntary work creates opportunities for the young to develop social skills as well as work wonders for their neighborhood. Although some consider that it had been better make unpaid work obligatory for adolescents I would argue that young people should be allowed to make their own decision about taking part in social activities.  
  
Firstly, becoming a volunteer might have a negative effect on teenagers' health. In adolescent period, people could easily absorb necessary nutrition in order to stay in shape and boost brain growth. However, the young would have no time for themselves as unpaid work requires them to work full time. For example, they might have to eat junk food but not family meals while working that not provides enough energy and does harm to their body and mind.  
  
Secondly, working without any payments steals the young chances to make money for their own goals. Teenagers can take part-time jobs or enroll in a course preparing for their future career. For instance, Mark Zuckerberg started programming when he was only 11. Thanks to his early training, the Facebook CEO became a millionaire at the age 22. It is clear that society seems to exploit the labor of teenagers if they force the young serve the community for free while they have the ability to run their own business.  
  
In conclusion, I disagree that teenagers lose their time and effort for unpaid labor. The community should encourage the young to build better living environment by participating in social work in place of making it compulsory.
*Are you working with a maximum word count?* This can significantly change my perception of the entirety of the essay considering its current length and content. Regardless, **I would say that what is lacking from your essay is primarily more in-depth discussions on your points**.  
  
I'll provide you with a couple of questions that can help guide you.  
1. What specific social skills do you believe should be prioritized for teenagers? Do you believe that this is the age that should focus on honing these skills?  
  
2. Even if the work to be done is not full-time, would you still not recommend it for teenagers?  
3. What are the other mental and emotional risks involved with this voluntary work? Will this not help teenagers become better in stress management for the reduction of future risks?  
  
4. What are these other options for the youth to make money?  
5. What are the comparative long-term versus short-term results of this proposal?  
You should as well **expound more on the your concluding remarks**. *How do you propose that the community should encourage the youth to build their network through a better social environment? What would you implement to help in this task?*  
  
You should always focus on **balancing your arguments to make sure that the essay follows through with its potential**.  
Best of luck.
***For centuries, important parts of education have remained such as reading, writing, and math. With the advent of computers, some people think that computer skills be made as the fourth skill to the list. To what extent do you agree?***  
  
**SHOULD INCLUDE COMPUTER SKILLS IN EDUCATION**  
  
Answer:  
  
Since older times, education has focused upon developing and enhancing students' reading, writing and math skills. These skills build up students' foundation of knowledge thus prepare them for more complicated subjects. To uphold this purpose of education, some people propose the idea of including computer skills into the table as computers are dominating the modern world. I strongly agree with this point of view.  
  
Computers have made our lives easier and more efficient in a lot of aspects. As in the aspect of education, computer implement encourages students to use its applications and websites to support learning. For instance, My English Lab is a website that enables students to create an account and practice appropriate English exercises. This website also gives teachers an interface to track the progress of each student based on exercises completed by them. All these helpful functions of the web can only be exploited if students know how to use a computer.  
  
As in the aspect of work, computers have become one of the main mediums for working and communicating at work. For working, computers provide us a wide range of useful applications which made our jobs easier and done faster such as MS Office, Photoshop. For the latter department, computers make e-mails available. This tool sends messages and files to receivers in an instant. Thus, it is now a standard for official communication. Because of these reasons, companies usually seek individuals with qualified knowledge of computer skills.  
  
After having discussed the most relevant advantages of computers in our modern life, it can be clearly seen that the addition of computer skills in education will benefit students in the long run.
Hello minhtung97  
I agree with the reasons given in your writing. You should make it clearer at the topic sentence in the body paragraphs.  
In body 2, you should state that students should improve computer skills along with literacy and numeracy as companies are prioritizing computer-literate candidates in today's job market. Then you can continue elaborate with your points.  
  
I don't know whether calling 'English Lab' is correct or not, but it sounds kinda odds. The word 'laboratory' usually refers to scientific research location. So maybe think of using other substitution such as institution or school.