dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
As an English writing exercise, you did not do a bad job. You actually have a coherent essay presentation although the grammar structure definitely needs some work. The good news, is that you know enough words to properly explain yourself. While some of the words used may be a stretch in terms of vocabulary usage, it still gets your idea across to the reader. Good job.  
  
However, you need to understand that an essay paragraph needs to have a complete explanation and presentation. Your explanations are a bit too short to really fully explain what you want to say. However, a partial explanation, as a part of English essay writing exercises, is totally acceptable. You are still learning how to write so we should appreciate the effort that you put into your writing.  
  
I would not worry so much about the structure or content of your essay. You got your basic discussion represented. You could have explained some of the sections better but, then again, you are just practicing. This isn't an IELTS essay topic yet. Now, if you had written an IELTS topic essay, I would have been extremely hard on your mistakes and highly analytical of your content.  
  
What I can see is that you are making the effort to learn how to properly structure your English sentences. You are getting there. This is a sample of acceptable beginner English sentence creations. These are mostly simple sentences, which is good. Do not aim to write complex sentences yet. You will get there, just not at this time. Take your time. Don't rush it. Nothing will come of you reaching for something you are not ready for yet.  
  
Keep writing. You are doing well and can only get better over time.
## The diagram shows how electricity is generated by a hydroelectric dam

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The diagrams illustrates the way in which a hydroelectric dam creates electricity.  
  
Overall, it is apparent that water, which is contained in the reservoir, is the key material for the process. Meanwhile, electricity is generated in the powerhouse.  
  
Initially, water flows through an intake to a chamber called penstock. After that, water follows the current and applies pressure to the turbine, forcing it to rotate in a circular movement. At the next stage, the turbine begins to creates energy. Energy is then supplied to the generator attached to the turbine. Following this, the generator converts energy into electricity in the powerhouse, and power lines are in charge of distributing electricity to distant areas through a machine.  
  
It is interesting to note that the dam is constructed on the river, and the bulk of the procedure happens underground. Besides, abundant water follows its current and ends up in the river. Then, it is renewable, and electricity is automatically generated again with the hydroelectric dam.  
  
*
There are only a few things I'd like to point out in your essay.  
The diagram illustrate**s**  
Furthermore, I don't think water is a material, just look it up in Cambridge Dictionary the definition :"*a type of physical thing, such as wood, stone, or plastic, having qualities that allow it to be used to make other things*" . Therefore, you should replace it by " *substance*" or "*source*"  
  
Otherwise, I think everything is very good. Good job !
## children spending time on electronic gadgets

  
  
Over the past decade, it is noticeable that the advent of modern technologies has led to changes in young children's recreational activities. While this tendency has several benefits, I strongly believe that they could never shadow the drawbacks for the following reasons.  
  
On the one hand, it is undeniable that there are some advantages to children spending their spare time to improve their cognitive development. For example, solving the puzzles may enrich their lexical ranges; meanwhile, strategic games that enquire players to be good at problem-solving to deal with unexpected situations may enhance children's logical thinking and problem-solving skills. Secondly, young people might benefit from early exposure to the internet. For instance, it is widely acknowledged that watching foreign movies without subtitles can invisibly improve viewers' proficiency in foreign languages.  
  
On the other hand, notwithstanding the above-mentioned benefits, I would argue that it will be a grave mistake to overlook some potential harms of excessive exposure to the latest technologies at an early age. One main drawback is that the addiction to the state-of-the-art may lead to a sedentary lifestyle. Scientific researchers have shown that children who spend successive hours on cable computers or smartphones are prone to lack physical activities, accountable for increasing the rate of overweight, obesity among children. In addition, another problem that should be taken into account is that unrestrained exposure to inappropriate information sources is likely to lead to the adoption of misguided beliefs. Statistics have pointed out that because of loose censorship, children who repeatedly exposed to violent content, brutal fighting scenes, obscene movies are inclined to be aggressive when solving conflicts with siblings or classmates and become juvenile delinquents later.  
  
In conclusion, although there are advantages of children spending time on advanced technologies, it is immature to ignore intangible problems as discussed above
Okay, the original prompt asks you to consider if the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. That means that your approach to this essay should be a 4 paragraph essay of no more than 5 sentences maximum per paragraph, using the following format:  
  
- Paraphrase  
- Consider the disadvantages  
- Refute the disadvantages as advantages  
- Summarize the salient discussion points to close the essay  
  
Your discussion does not properly develop the discussion topics for the essay. You do not provide coherent and cohesive discussion points because you are only discussing the advantages and disadvantages without properly developing the paragraph discussions. You have to learn how to use the discussion formats to your advantage.  
  
Based on your stance in the paraphrase, you appear to support the idea that new technologies are advantageous to children based on how they spend their free time. So, the proper way to discuss this would have been to choose 2 connected disadvantages in one paragraph. They need to be related somehow because you need to focus on a cohesive and coherent discussion. 2 topics may be discussed in one paragraph, provided the reasons are related and can be supported by a single example in the same paragraph.  
  
Now, after you have presented the disadvantages, reverse the discussion. Think of how the negatives you presented can actually be flipped to become positives for the discussion. Once you disprove the disadvantages in the next paragraph discussion, you will have created a fully discussed, coherent, and cohesive discussion presentation. Right now the essay does not meet the proper formatting requirements for clarity and cohesiveness. However, your TA approach is somewhat acceptable as it manages to respond to the question posed in the original prompt. While it could have been better presented, you were able to indicate a solid opinion on the matter and supported it, although in a not so well developed manner, within the reasoning paragraphs.  
  
By the way, don't aim to write 300 words. Try to write between 275-290 words instead. That is the ideal number of words to write that will leave you with editing time for the essay. You actually over discussed the topic. You went over the maximum sentence count per paragraph which is 5. The general writing rule is Keep It Short Silly (KISS). Make sure you are understood by the examiner. The way that you explain yourself, how you are understood by the examiner is more important than the number of reasons you discuss. You are scored on your comprehension and clear explanation skills far more than your ability to discuss several reasons based on a given topic. Think of it this way:  
  
Confuse the examiner by offering more reasons than explanations in one paragraph = Low Score  
  
Give the examiner a clear explanation based on 2 related reasons in a single paragraph = High Score
## teaching methodologies

  
  
**Task: Some people believe online reading materials should only be used for a child to learn to read, whereas others believe only printed material should be used. Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
Recently, teaching methodologies is a contentious topic. Some people opine that online reading material should be only applied in teaching children to real whilst others argue that children are only allowed to use printed material. Both views have their own share of justifications, however, in my opinion, the latter is more reasonable.  
  
On the one hand, it is understandable why people believe in the applicability of e-books in teaching their kids. Firstly, e-books play a role in minimizing space and weight for users. Obviously, when they own a smartphone, it is possible for them to bring thousands of e-books to everywhere with ease without a big luggage. Secondly, online materials provide a remarkable convenience in accessing expeditiously to appropriate knowledge. For example, it is possible for kids to read immediately documents in terms of medical when they suffer injuries due to the search capabilities of online technology.  
  
On the other hand, others feel strongly that children should only use printed materials. Firstly, print books are friendly to the reader's health, especially kids. The fact is that these books seem to be safe for the vulnerable eyes of young children. To exemplify, electronic books usually cause screen fatigue which may lead to dryness and irritation for eyes while children do not have to worry about any of that when using print ones. Secondly, printed materials encourage children to concentrate highly on reading. To illustrate, the design of them creates favorable conditions for the child to highlight things, attach sticky notes and write down more information. These actions encourage children to grasp and comprehend fully the text.  
  
In conclusion, from my perspective, I would like to conclude that young children should only use printed materials because of practical benefits for eye health and concentration.
This is a 5 paragraph essay based on the discussion outline requirement which was provided in the original essay. Always look for the discussion outline instruction at the end of the original prompt. That is what will tell you how many paragraphs to write in the essay. Based on the instruction, which is: *Discuss both views and give your opinion.*, you were to discuss this in a 5 paragraph format:  
  
- Topic paraphrase  
- Online reading materials should be used to teach children to read  
- Printed material should be used  
- Personal opinion  
- Concluding summary  
  
Your topic paraphrase must never include your personal opinion yet. You have to simply outline what the discussion paragraphs will be about in that part of the paraphrase. So, it should be presented as:  
  
*Some people prefer to use electronic books and reference materials are more commonly used to assist in kids reading lessons. Others are simply old school, and believe that only paper and ink based texts should be used for such matters. It is important to assess the benefits of each teaching style in relation to the way children learn to read. Only upon proper consideration of each side of the discussion can I decide on a teaching style to support.*  
  
So, based on the paraphrase I created, you can clearly see how the discussion paragraphs should go. There are 3 comparison paragraphs covering:  
  
- Electronic books  
- Printed material  
- My personal choice  
  
Your personal choice needs to be allocated its own paragraph because you need to justify your decision based on the discussion of the 2 public considerations. It is not a part of the conclusion because the conclusion should serve as a wrap up of the discussion. The concluding paragraph should:  
  
- Repeat the topic for the discussion  
- Repeat the support for electronic books in a single sentence  
- Repeat the support for printed books in a single sentence  
- Repeat your point of view  
- Close the discussion  
  
The concluding paragraph is a paraphrase of the previous discussion. It is similar to the original paraphrase since it mentions the original topic, but changes the slant to restate the reasoning paragraphs you created instead of simply repeating the content of the original prompt.  
  
Limit yourself to one topic per discussion paragraph. Complete the explanation of your reason within 5 sentences. Do not use 2 reasons per paragraph. It creates an under developed explanation and provides a lack of cohesiveness and coherence in the paragraph presentation. This is why it is important to outline your discussion before you start writing the draft of the essay. You only have 40 minutes, focus on clarity, not number of reasons, that will not increase your band score. In fact, the number of reasons are not even part of the band scoring considerations. Your score will be assessed mostly on the way by which you format the paper and the clarity of your explanations.
***There are more workers to work from home and more students to study from home. This is because computer technology is more and more easily accessible and cheaper.***  
  
## Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

  
  
Nowadays, thanks to the incessant development of technology and telecommunications, workers and students can take advantage of the opportunity to fulfil their duties from the comfort of their homes. Even though I perceive that the trend is conducive, I would concede that the drawbacks are also considerable.  
  
Firstly, it is incontrovertible that distance learning and telecommuting offer people a flexible schedule and work-life balance. Consequently, not only can students and employees easily take a break whenever their brains reach a saturation point but they can also spend quality time with their families. Neuroscientists at Harvard University have proved that this can boost productivity by 35% since their brains are adequately supplied with positive neurotransmitters, guaranteeing well-being and eventually, satisfying academic outcomes and great company's projects. Indeed, in 2018, 65% of disciplined remote workers of Facebook reported performing astonishingly more effectively than they would have done if they had been framed in an office space.  
  
On the other hand, despite all of the benefits, studying or working from home requires great discipline. Although technological breakthroughs allow for unprecedented convenience, they are often accompanied by many distractions such as social media and online games. For many people, not until they finish the latest episode of Itaewon class on Netflix or a League of Legends match can they start to work or study seriously. Besides, many studies from Oxford University have proved that even when they are working, their attention can also be split between distractions and duties, leading to worse performance. Therefore, never should anyone choose to work from home unless they are mentally strong.  
  
To recapitulate, opting to work or study from home is double-edged, depending on the attitude of each person. If they can reject Internet temptation, distance-learning or telecommuting is a great opportunity and vice versa
Don't you find it difficult to write an essay that does not take a solid stance on the given topic? I am just wondering about that because, aside from the fact that not having a solid opinion on the topic, when one is required will automatically get you a TA score of 2, it is also difficult to discuss 2 different topics within 2 reasoning paragraphs in this essay. It is difficult to score highly in the cohesiveness and coherence section when you are discussing 2 unrelated paragraphs in a 4 paragraph essay. Unless the essay is clearly an A/D or 2 opinion with personal point of view essay, you do not need to take a non-stance in the discussion presentation. The requirement is one opinion, properly supported in 2 reasoning paragraphs. It is never a comparison essay discussion.  
  
Your essay will not score well because you did not properly respond to the prompt requirement. The discussion format is incorrect in the reasoning paragraphs. You are not saying that you believe this is a positive development. Neither are you saying that this is a negative development. What you are saying is that the topic is both a positive and negative development. Your response is a maybe. You cannot use maybe as a reason because you only have Yes or No to choose from, positive or negative. That is what the examiner will expect you to respond with in your prompt paraphrase. As such, your essay is inconclusive in terms of discussion and, due to the other existing grammar and punctuation problems, will have a difficulty in achieving a passing band score.
## Being right and being kind

  
  
"Medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for." *- Dead Poet Society,1989 -*  
  
Being right and being kind are equivalently essential to the prosperity of humankind. While being right implies one's sense of righteousness and his awareness of universal laws and morals, being kind reflects his ability to sympathize and harmonize with other individuals.  
  
In certain cases, righteousness might prove to be of higher value than kindness and vice versa. Situations that require accuracy such as a calculation in math, a prescription for a disease or an installation of parts in engineering, kindness is of no assistance since an error might render consequences as dire as the student's failing an exam or the patients' death or the collapse of a whole system of machinery. However, when it comes to social interaction, to indoctrinate one's stance is often perceived as a domineering act that might result in dissonance or the partition of the group. The reason for such negative consequences is that each person has his very distinctive, exclusive set of disciplines that might apply only to himself. In most cases, people are so rigid with their disciplines that it is of insurmountable hardship for them to compromise with others.  
  
But what if a face-deformed child is in sight? Should a person be straightforward and tell the child that he has a distasteful face or should the person show him sympathy? This is actually the case depicted in the book Wonder by R.J.Palacio - a book about the incredible journey of a boy with a face deformation, who had every reason to be furious at the world that showed him contempt but learnt to love himself and other people accordant to his mother's indefatigable love, the undying sympathy of his friends and his sister, all of which are acts of kindness. As kindness made its way around, it shatters hope, trust and love. In certain cases, kindness might be regarded as the nobler state of righteousness for knowing when to act kind is when the person is fully aware of social disciplines yet recognizes when to tolerate circumstances that go against his morals.  
  
Conclusively, righteousness and kindness are not two adversaries but rather allies who take turns to utilize moments in a human's life. After all, it is the harmony of the mind and the heart that holds the key to the sustenance and the prosperity of the human's community and its individuals.
If you want this essay to be more effective, do not start with the reference to Dead Poet's Society. Instead, start with a quote from the book that you read. Based upon the quote that you chose, try to find a common example that you can use. One that is kind of a double edged sword. When being kind might force the person to be wrong. Or when being right may result in a person being mean. Or any scenario that may result thereof. That way, you better illustrate the theme and meaning of the book. Your current presentation is so far removed from the book reference that when you finally got around to the book part, you had already come to the end of the essay, without further room to explain the book, its relevance to the theme you chose to discuss, and how the presentation of the novel affected your perception of which is more important to you, being right, or being kind. Try to bring the discussion presentation full circle. That means, start with a reference to the book, discuss the book in the essay, then discuss how the book affected your decision in the end. A full circle discussion regarding the themes and merit of information coming from the book. That would then be a more relevant and insightful essay to read about.
Hey, this is my first time to submit essay on this website. It quite hard for me to improve writing skill so i hope i can learn from you guys. Thank you! And here is the topic:  
  
***Nowadays many people have access to computers and a large number of children enjoy playing video games  
## What are the advantages and disadvantages of playing video games for children?***  
  
As the world adjusts its sails to the winds of the Fourth Industrial Revolution, computers have become a huge breakthrough in human life, which has led to a debatable issue - more and more offspring are using computers as a way to entertain themselves. Playing digital games would certainly provide many benefits but it's important to pay attention to any possible drawbacks.  
  
On the one hand, the positive aspects of gaming could go far beyond finding a sense of enjoyment. First, playing video games is a key strategy for coping with stress that can help children to manage negative feelings like anger and misery. To be specific, players could accomplish attainable objectives in the game, which help create feelings of gratification. Second, contrary to conventional beliefs that playing video games is intellectually lazy and sedating, it turns out that playing these games promotes cognitive abilities, among which action and 3D games are typical examples. A recent study by Cambridge University found that gamers exhibit a better range of analogy, processing speed, and mathematical intelligence than non-gamers do.  
  
On the other hand, there are some negative impacts when offspring devote much of their free time to playing digital games. Like other media, video games have been the subject of objections for depictions of violence and criminal activities. There is ample evidence to show that young people who have had greater exposure to violence while gaming ended up behaving more aggressively towards people in the social environment. Moreover, being so enthralled in the fantasy world of games for hours could lead to game addiction, which might harm children's health. For example, addicted minors will often avoid sleeping or eating proper meals to continue gaming, which could eventually lead to a sleep disorder or diet-related health issues.  
  
In conclusion, although people have different perspectives on the utilization of computers in entertainment for children, it is worth considering that this advancement has its own merits and demerits.