dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## **The pictures below show the changes that took place at Laguna Beach from 1950 to 1990.**

  
  
The maps illustrate the development of Laguna Beach from 1950 to 1990. Overall, it is clear that over the period given, more and more sophisticated facilities have been built there.  
  
In 1950, most of the areas were in a natural state. The laguna beach was located in the center of the area adjoining sand dunes in the northeast and woodland in the northwest. The only artificial facilities in Laguna Beach at that time were beach huts located in the north. Moreover, the huts and woodland were separated by a walking track.  
  
After 20 years, several areas have changed. The most significant change happened in the woodland area; the trees were cut then it was constructed to be a caravan park. Other developments were the huts that were replaced by villas and the path nearby was developed to be a road. However, the space of sand dunes and beach did not seem to have any transformation.  
  
In the final year, the facilities in Laguna Beach were more sophisticated. The villas were improved to become a hotel complete with a new pool alongside. Besides, the landscaped gardens were developed in the previous location of sand dunes, and a surf school was added to the beach area. Furthermore, the caravan park was reconstructed to be a car park.  
  
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When a task 1 essay is written, careful consideration should be given to the time allowance of 20 minutes in relation to the word count. That means, the number of words should never go over 200 words. The writer must know how to deliver information using concise sentences. This is not a vocabulary test. This is an English expression test. That means, the writer should have the ability to report and analyze using proper words, geared towards the proper audience, within a short span of time and writing space. The writer has shown an inability to do this in the essay. Some of the problems of this essay include:  
  
1. A lack of proper image representation through the division of map presentations.  
2. An insufficient time reference in the summary overview due to the incorrect image number / year representation  
3. Referencing information not acknowledge in the image (Laguna Beach? )  
4. Lack of clear year anchors per paragraph. Do not make the reader do the math. Use the years as provided  
  
These are but a few of the existing problems in the task presentation. The writer should work on improving his presentation based on these early presentation errors first. Fixing these should result in an improved written presentation in the next task. He should also make sure to use a timer when writing the practice test for word count considerations.
## The reasons why people moved to the capital city of a particular country

  
  
The line graph illustrated the reasons of migrate to capital g a particular country between 2000 and 2015.  
Overal, as can be seen from the graph that employement and study increased sharply in the decades from 2000 to 2010. However, whereas employment was a minimal drop, study was a dramatic rise by year the 2015. There were a slight growth in family / friends and adventure in 15 years.  
  
The figures of employment and study were an considerable increase aproximately 5000, 48000 in 2005, respectively. And then, in the next 5 years, the numbers of these two reasons continued to climbed just over 91,000 and 55000 respectively in 2010. By the 2015, while it was a gradual decrease in employment, the figures of study was a sharp upward trend. The number of both employment and study on this period were the same about 88000. During the period from 2000 to 2015, there was a steady rise by 5000 from 10000 to 15000 in adventure. It can be clear that family/friends went up moderately roughly 22000 in decades, and rose gradually by 1000 in 2015.
While the writer wrote more than the expected word count, he did not properly format the paragraph presentations. A task 1 essay is always composed of :  
  
Par. 1: Summary overview + trending statement  
Par. 2: Reporting analysis 1  
Par. 3: Reporting analysis 2  
  
What he should have done was properly group the discussion paragraphs based on the number of data for comparison. He essentially began his report where the trending statement should have been present, negating the actual function of that presentation section. He cannot receive a scoring consideration for the trend when it is not properly presented in the report.  
  
I need to point out the lack of care in writing this report as well. He has extra letters that mean nothing a sentence, a few misspelled words here and there, and incorrect punctuation or missing punctuation marks in a few places. This is a very badly written essay that shows the writer cannot receive a passing GRA score since he cannot be bothered to review and revise / edit his work for grammar accuracy. The formatting error and GRA problems alone are enough to guarantee a failing score for this essay.
## fruit and vegetables consumption

  
  
The given bar graph displays the amount of England who consumed five portions of fruit and vegetables in a day over the period from 2001 to 2008.  
  
Generally speaking, women's daily consumption amount of fruit and vegetables was the highest, followed by men and children respectively.  
  
Starting around 20% of women ate five portions of fruit and vegetables every day in 2001, then this number rose steadily through continuous years until reached its peak at nearly 35% in 2006 and eventually declined slightly to over 30% at the end of the period.  
  
There was a similar trend in the proportion of men and children who ate five portions of fruit and vegetables per day in the UK between 2001 and 2008. The first three years 2001,2002 and 2003 of men's figures witnessed a relatively same percentage of 17%, then it increased to a summit of 28% in both years 2006 and 2007 and dropped marginally by 1% to 27% in 2008. Similarly, the children's numbers began with just 12% from 2001 to 2003, then jumped to the highest point at 26% in 2007, and finished at 24% in 2008.
It is quite obvious that the writer does not have proper training and control over the way he creates his sentence structures. He often creates run-on sentences in each paragraph, which prevents his sentences and paragraphs from developing a sense of discussion clarity. While the effort of the writer in the development of the analytical presentation will not be missed by the examiner, he will not be able to give a high score for all the major scoring sections of the essay. This is because the writer does not know how to properly reference English words in relation to what he wishes to indicate or describe.  
  
Part of the GRA problem is that the writer also lacks English sentence rules knowledge. He uses proprietary or ownership references in the presentation when his aim was actually to present the plural form of the word. The best thing for the student to do at this point is to go back to his writing basics. Learn how to write simple English sentences first and in the process, he can also work on building his proper English vocabulary knowledge. The correct words must be used to make proper references in these types of reports and analytical presentations.  
  
This review is based on my way of analyzing and teaching my students. As I know that this student is being mentored by a different online tutor, he will do best to go back to that website and have that mentor continue in developing his IELTS writing styles. It is not my professional policy to meddle where a student already has a teacher. That is the reason why the image was also deleted from this post. We do not allow for indirect advertising of competitor sites at this forum. Ask your mentor to review your next task essay to avoid confusing your learning style. That will be best for you.
In a period of time of 12 years, we have seen critical changes in the cost and source of fish that enters the US.  
  
Regarding the value in billions of dollars, we can clearly see that it increases with the pass of time; having a starting cost of 6.57 dollars in 1988 and increasing nearly $2 billion of dollars four years ahead in 1992. At a slower pace - the double of years - there is a growth of approximately $2 billion dollars by the 2000.  
  
There were also changes regarding the places of origin of the fish. Originally, in 1988, Canada was the main exporting country of fish with 60% of the amount, far from China that only exported the 13% of fish that was consumed in the US. From 1992 to 2000, we can observe that other countries different from Canada and China, started considerably rising the amount of exported fish, going from the 27% in 1988 to almost twice, meaning 42% in the 2000.  
  
Overall, we can conclude that there were clear increases not only in the price of such food but also, the countries that export fish to the US in a period of 12 years.  
  
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*This is the task*
This report presentation will immediately receive a failing score due to the incorrect response format. It is missing the correct first paragraph in the form of a summary overview. The image/s are not properly identified, what the images are being used for, the length of time the coverage represents, the type of measurement... These are but a few of the task information requirements necessary for a passing preliminary score. It can accurately be said that this essay does not have the correct summary overview + trending statement format and will not be qualified for a passing score.  
  
Due to the missing summary presentation, the reader, who will not have any capacity to see the image, will be highly confused by the report, resulting in failing scores for the C+C and GRA sections. The writer clearly does not have any knowledge of proper task 1 formatting which is why he has not delivered the expectations of this report test at all. He must learn more about the task requirements before he proceeds with another practice essay. He will do well to learn from the other posts regarding similar tasks at this forum.
## Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

  
***The rules that societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict.  
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.***  
  
Every society has its own set of rules for young people which are different from other societies' rules. However, most of the time, the similarity between these rules in different societies are much more than their differences. Many people believe that these rules are needed for young people and the improvement of society. However, my opinion differs from these people, and I believe that societies' rules are too strict in today's world for young people.  
  
First and foremost, societies expect young people to know what they want to do with the rest of their life early in life, and when they are still in school. If a young person changes majors or is not sure about what he wants to pursue as a career, society will look down on him. Since youngster has a lot of different options to choose from nowadays, it is harder for them to make a firm decision early in life, so I believe it is unfair to them to be looked down on if they are indecisive early in life and want to explore different options they have. I remember that my older brother was shamed for not knowing what he exactly wanted to do with his life when he was in his early 20s. Everybody would have compared him to his friend who decided to be a doctor early in life and had been working on his goal in his early 20s. Society's expectations put lots of pressure on my brother which led him to have depression for a long time.  
  
Secondly, because of the Internet and social media, societies compare young people to models and celebrities and expect them to look like them. This makes youngsters go through cosmetic surgery so they can meet social standards. Also, young people suffer from depression and social anxiety more than ever because of these pressures. Many of my classmates who are in their early 20s have been through cosmetic surgery, and most of them still feel that they are not enough which makes them depressed and anxious because they feel that they will not ever meet society's standards.  
  
In conclusion, in my opinion, societies' rules are too strict nowadays and expect a lot from young people. Societies expect young people to know what they want to do with their life and shame them if they are indecisive about their future goals. In addition, societies compare youngsters with models and celebrities and expect them to look like them, and this puts lots of pressure on young people.
Try to keep the writing to under 400 words. This should actually be completed within 300 words at the most since it does not need to be an overdiscussed or analyzed essay. Avoid the extreme word count by skipping the paraphrasing and opinion restatement paragraph. This is not an IELTS test so restating the topic before giving an opinion is not required. What is required is the immediate discussion presentation instead. Begin discussing the opinion in the first paragraph after establishing the first sentence as the opinion sentence.  
  
To show a more academically relevant set of writing skills, it would do the writer well to not use connectors such as first and foremost, secondly, and in conclusion. These are not score establishing references. The use of topic anchors for the opening, a direct topic sentence reference, allows the examiner to give better scores since the writer shows proper academic writing knowledge in his presentations.  
  
The examiner will still be looking for the exam taker's ability to connect his discussion paragraphs. That said, suddenly shifting to the effects of social media in the second discussion presentation creates a missing link between the two presentations. Note that the same paragraph circles back to depression in relation to society rules. That means depression is the cohesive link between the two paragraphs and should be the actual focus of both paragraphs. Once the connection between the strict rules and depresssion is created, the writer will have successfully argued his opinion in the presentation.  
  
Kindly review grammar rules as the writer shows a bit of a problem with punctuation usage. He needs to understand how to properly write plural word forms without an apostrophe after. That is because an apostrophe is only used when writing group ownership references. It is not used to indicate the plural form of a word. The plural form normally comes with a simple +S rather than +'S, which connotes ownership in all instances.
## kids and TV - pros & cons

  
  
Television is a device that can afford many attractions for people which can be easily accessed from home. As an advanced technology, many people believe that television accord a lot of benefits, while others also consider that it has some risks and challenges, as a result. Particularly for children, the effect of watching television can influence many aspects of their life such as their behavior, their health, and their way of thinking. In this paper, I would like to explain the merits of watching television for children compared to the drawbacks.  
  
Admittedly, television provides various interesting programs for children. Cartoons are a prime example of television programs that are in demand by kids. This kind of entertainment is relatively cheaper than the others. Moreover, television can also be a medium for education. Several channels present enlightening programs that are beneficial and insightful. For instance, Laptop si Unyil is a program from TransTV that gives information about science and technology. Children can learn about the utilization of science and technology in their surroundings by watching it. Additionally, the attraction served by television is beyond its limits. This is possible to show the circumstances under the sea, the space sightings, or the original creatures from far away, which is difficult for them to see in person. This opportunity can increase the imagination of kids.  
  
However, the risks of watching television must be considered. The most remarkable consequence is the health of the eyes. Because television emits UV radiation, watching it for a long time and close distance can cause several eye problems like minus and cylinder. Another challenge is the addiction effect. It is easy for kids to lose track of time when they watch television. As a result, they do not have time for other activities. Furthermore, if children spend almost all their spare time watching television, it affects their behavior. The opportunity to connect with other people is lost and children become individual people. It endangers their ability to make networking that is needed for the future. More dangerous, if children watch television without control, they can not select what they see. Children possibly imitate a bad attitude that is shown such as fighting and bullying.  
  
To sum up, the benefits and risks of watching television will always be debated. But personally, I believe that the disadvantages of it are more so the parents need to strictly monitor their kids when they watch television.
As there are several practice essays related to the topic of television and its effect on children, it would have helped if the writer included the specific prompt that was being addressed by this essay. That is the only way for me to be sure that the correct response is being provided for the given topic and that no misinterpretation occurred in the response development. Without that, I will offer a general review of the work, without considering the appropriateness of the provided response.  
  
For starters, the essay is definitely overwritten and would not be possible to complete within the 40 minute time frame in an actual test setting. While being able to write 400 words in English is indeed admirable, the time allocation allows for no more than 300 words to be impressive to the examiner. The provided sentences are too long and do not properly represent the correct sentence mix as required for the test. The writer also uses limits his punctuation usage to mere exchanges of commas and periods, which show a limited sentence structure understanding and an inability to create other types of sentences using other punctuation marks. There are scoring considerations to be reflected in the writing, not just a word count. These other scoring elements are what will either increase or decrease the test results. The writer must utilize a 40 minute timer the next time he writes his practice essay.  
  
When the prompt asks the writer to discuss the benefits and merits of watching television, the last thing the writer should do is provide a personal opinion within the actual response presentation. In fact, the writer's opinion in this essay is not clear since he did not establish a summary outline of the benefit and drawback topics through a properly developed thesis statement. The first paragraph is lacking when it comes to meeting the accuracy requirements. For all its wordiness, it misses out on several key points for a concise and complete rundown paragraph.  
  
The writer included a personal opinion in the conclusion when it was not required by the discussion requirement. This has created a failing concluding paragraph because a new topic was introduced for discussion, but it was not fully developed in the actual essay. Additionally, the new topic created a prompt deviation as a personal opinion and suggestions are not necessary in this discussion. Hence, the essay closed without a proper summary conclusion and could automatically receive a failing mark due to the incorrect concluding statement format. The essay is missing the discussion recap as required in the reverse paraphrase conclusion.
***IELTS WRITING TASK 1***  
## UK acid rain emissions

  
  
The line graph gives data about four sectors in terms of the amount of acid rain emissions that were produced in the UK over a period of 17 years.  
  
It is clear that the amount of acid rain emissions in the UK went down dramatically from 1990 to 2007. The most significant decrease was witnessed in the Electricity, Gas and Water supply sector.  
  
In 1990, around 3.3 million tonnes of acid rain emissions came from Electricity, Gas and Water supply. The Transport and Communication sector was responsible for 0.7 million tonnes of emissions while the Domestic sector produced about 0.6 million tonnes. Just over 2 million tonnes of acid rain gases came from Other Industries.  
  
Emissions from Electricity, Gas and Water supply fell considerably to only 0.5 million tonnes in 2007, a decline of almost 3 million tonnes. Whereas acid rain gases from the Domestic and Other Industries sector fell slightly, the Transport and Communication sector saw a modestly increase in emissions, hit a record-high of 1 million tonnes in 2005.  
  
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The writer uses long sentences with combined information presentations too often in this essay. It creates a cluttered presentation that does not really inform the reader in a useful manner. Instead, the writer presents forgettable information since each sentence overpresents it. Every sentence should only refer to one or 2 connected information bits. Never throw in all of the information into a single sentence due to the possibility of being given a failing preliminary GRA score. Every paragraph in this task will do well with a 3-5 sentence presentation as advised by most IELTS experts who come from the native speaker realm.  
  
The trending statement should not have mentioned only 3 out of 4 in the list. It became an incomplete enumeration in the process. Rather, the writer should only have used 2 sentences in this section by choosing to report only on a single high (the hightest) and low (the lowest) point, rather than saying that all 3 have the same trend. That is not a trending statement but a reporting sentence. Learn the difference in the presentation structure.  
  
A statement of fact cannot be be used in this presentation because the line graphs depict varying measurement levels that play within a specific range. Instead of stating information as factual, the writer should use an estimation for the presentation instead. That will help show that the line graph measurements were not definite in portrayal but rather, fluctuating in reference.