dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## What should a university offer?

  
  
When it comes to the main role of higher education, opinion is divided as to whether a college should concentrate on providing their students with useful knowledge and practical skills for their later jobs, or offering courses that best benefits the university. While I understand the reason of the former idea, I agree to a certain extent with the latter point of view.  
  
On one hand, colleges cannot offer all the necessary qualities to a specific jobs. Usually, requirements for different jobs are not the same. Not to mention that there are skills that cannot be learned at school but rather by real experience. Therefore, in the scale of a university, general knowledge should be prioritized. For students, instead of relying on what available at college, studetns should research more on their desired job and train themselves to fix their jobs.  
  
On the other hand, it is a college's responsiblity to equip their students with what employers look for. First of all, teaching job-related knowledge and skills increases the chance a student working in the field of their major at college. It is true that due to the lack of knowledge and skills, many students fail the struggle to find a job. Such students then have to take up a job that are not related to their major and usually low-paying to supply themselves. Secondly, with enough knowledge and skills, students can find a job as soon as their graduation. To be specific, useful knowledge and skills gained in college years can help students impress employers and thus they are more likely to land a job. Plus, these essential knowledge and skills make students more easily addapt to the working environment and increase their productivity. Not to mention the fact that students do not have to waste time to be trained to get used to the vacancy.  
  
To conclude, universities should create courses providing students with what they need for their future career.
I agree to a certain extent with the latter point of view.  
This is an empty response that does not offer an actual degree of agreement with the previous topic. In order for this response to be given a proper TA score, based on opinion clarity, the writer should state instead; *"I agree with this opinion to the extent that (reason 1) and (reason 2).* Doing so indicates an actual opinion rather than a vague reference that does not offer a measured response to the question.  
  
The reasoning for this essay does not support the correct single opinion presentation of the writer. The essay directly asks for a single defense of the writer's opinion. So the best way to prove the writer's opinion as correct would be to take an opinion that appears to be false then turn it around and show why it is a positive instead. Remember that the idea is to show the extent of the validity of the writer's opinion. In a spoken debate, this would be done by disproving the opposing side's opinion. Since this is a written debate, the same rules apply.
**The full title of the subject:** *You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.  
**Some people believe that capital punishment should not be used. Others, however, argue that it should be allowed for the most serious crimes.**  
## Discuss both views and give your opinion.

  
You should write at least 250 words.*  
  
Although it is sometimes thought that punishing capitally ought to be banned, other people believe that violating one of the most severe rules should receive a strong penalty. In my opinion, I consider that capital punishment helps decrease the violations' percentage in our world.  
  
On the one hand, penalizing someone compulsorily may affect one's mind. In other words, individuals can suffer from intense mental illnesses such as algophobia, depression, or even Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). For example, when a criminal heard his or her puissant punishment from a judge, that culprit might imagine tortures, negative ambiance (prison), or dreadful times. Furthermore, by thinking about appalling circumstances he or she can face, this miscreant may use execute methods in order to avoid atrocious sensations.  
  
On the other hand, it is often believed that concluding a forcible penalty on a person can make an illustration for other citizens about consequences when one contravenes one or manifold guidelines of a country. As people, we expect criminals ought to be punished accurately and be a warning for culprits that are still acting illegally. Without these disciplines, most of the violators will lack the ability to witness a real caution and are guaranteed to increase outlawed activities practically. Another reason for using extreme punishments on notorious wrongdoers is assisting that wrongdoer to improve themselves and overcome their atrocity or atrocities in order to elude from forceful retributions. This is an essential point to abate criminals to ameliorate the world.  
  
In conclusion, while people may vary in their options, I think that culprits can reduce and develop excellent civilians if they can earn sufficient penalties, both amounts, and levels. **Please mark a score for me from 1 to 9, thank you very much.**  
  
*
Scoring is done privately at this forum. We do not use automated scoring systems for your essays. These essays are reviewed by human beings based on proper scoring assessment guidelines. Please contact us privately for a detailed scoring of your essay.  
  
should receive a strong penalty.  
You are missing the word "instead" at the end of this sentence to show that you are offering an opposite punishment to capital punishment. The sentence is incorrectly structured although it does deliver a clear meaning to the reader. So there will be a slight GRA score deduction for this section based on the improper sentence structure.  
  
I think that culprits  
Okay, there are 2 problems with the reasoning presentations. The first, is the lack of clear public opinion presentation. The lack of 3rd person pronoun use in the first 2 paragraphs indicates that the writer is assessing the opinions from a personal aspect rather than considering the public discussion. This can be fixed by the usage of 3rd person references in the correct places within the sentences. The other problem, is that the personal opinion of the writer was placed in the concluding paragraph, where it will force a failure of the essay due to the lack of a concluding summary. The personal opinion should be presented in one of 2 ways in this type of discussion:  
  
1. By offering a counter argument from a first person point of view within the public opinion discussion paragraphs;  
2. By explaining the personal opinion in full detail within a stand alone 3rd reasoning paragraph.  
  
The conclusion will never be the right place for a personal opinion presentation. It is called a summary conclusion paragraph for a reason. You canniot offer an extended reasoning discussion in this paragraph. It will cause an open ended essay and result in a failing TA score being applied to the presentation paragraph. It could very well force a failing score for the writer in an actual test settin.
## IELTS 2: The Internet users as percentage of population

  
  
The given line graph illustrates the percentage of people in three countries who used the Internet over the course 10 years, starting from 1999.  
  
As can been seen from the graph, it is clearly evident that the proportion of Internet users to the USA, Canada, Mexico withnessed an upward trend over the period. Overall, a much larger percentage of Canadians and Americans had access to the Internet compared with Mexican.  
  
In 1999, the proportion of people using the Internet in the USA was roughly 20%. The figures for Canada and Mexico were lower, at aproximately 10% and 5%, respectively. In 2002, Internet usage in both the USA and Canada rose to around 40% of the population, while the figure for Mexico reached over 10 %. A similar trend could be seen in the proportion of Internet users to USA and Canada in 2005 as it increased significantly around 70% of the population, while the figure for Mexico reached just over 25 %.  
  
By 2009, the percentage of Internet users was highest in Canada. Almost 100% of Canadians used the Internet, compared to about 80% of Americans and only 40% of Mexicans.  
  
*   
*Line Graph*
The summary overview as provided will be considered a run on sentence, receiving a low TA and GRA score in the process. A clear and coherent paragraph is composed of single idea sentence presentations that allow the reader to individually reflect on the provided information. Each sentence must have only one piece of information to qualify as a properly developed paragraph. The sentence count of a proper paragraph is anywhere from 3-5 sentences.  
  
The trending statement is good but could have been less extended. Remember that there is only one image presented in the report. This indicates a 3 paragraph sentence. Meaning, the trend can and should be merged into the summary overview as a part of the concise presentation for that paragraph. It will help the writer meet the sentence requirement for the summary overview in a score boosting manner.  
  
The third paragraph is over extended. It should have been clear to the writer that the paragraphs need to be presented with at least 3 sentences in them to receive a proper scoring consideration. By compressing the information in the third paragraph, the last paragraph was left with very little reporting development, causing a lower C+C score. There was clearly some information in the previous paragraph that would have been more beneficial to the score had it been presented along with other data in the last paragraph.  
  
While the report is acceptable, the error points that exist in the essay will definitely be a scoring drawback for the exam taker. It will do his score better if he learns to spread out the information across various paragraphs in the future.
## money spent on organizing worldwide sports festivals

  
  
It is true that there are some conflicting views about the benefit of organizing worldwide sports festivals. While some argue that holding on to sports events is advantageous for countries, I agree with those who believe that money spent on those kinds of events should be used for other purposes instead.  
  
On the one hand, hosting international sports festivals can significantly develop the countries' economies. To explain, it is known that those events attract a huge amount of sports fans to attend, which means there will be a lot of visitors visiting the country for this reason. The more visitors come, the more beneficial that tourism and service industries are from those entertainment activities. For example, Korea witnessed a dramatic increase in its economy thanks to hosting the winter Olympic game in 2019  
  
On the other hand, there is an underlying assumption that those worldwide sports events could turn out to be a challenge to developing and poverty countries because they have to spend a lot of money and effort on unnecessary factors. In other words, it would be an enormous waste if the host country just focus on inventing sports infrastructures and equipment but forgot other important demands such as hospitals, schools, etc. For instance, the idea of building a worldwide-standard stadium in Vietnam was cancelled after receiving too much hate and against opinions from citizens due to its huge cost and little applicability.  
  
In conclusion, although being a host nation can have beneficial influences on the country's economy, I agree with the opinion that it is not a wise decision to spend too much money on those events but ignore other needs of the country.
It is true that there are some conflicting views  
Avoid presenting your personal opinion right off the bat. It is important that you do not add any information, nor begin discussing the essay at this point since this is only the prompt restatement + personal opinion paragraph. That means, you must be true to the prompt as it was provided. Deliver only your understanding of the 2 public opinions, then state which opinion you support and why, or if you have an alternate opinion, present that as the discussion thesis for the essay in this paragraph. Presenting your personal opinion topic will not be deemed as a discussion provided the presentation is no more than a sentence long. You only need 3 sentences in this presentation comprised of public opinion 1 and 2, and the personal opinion. In this case, you only presented one public opinion and then your personal opinion. The paragraph is incomplete and does not provide an accurate representation of the original topic.  
  
Both opinion presentations cannot recieve passing scores as the general discussion presentation seems to come from the personal opinion of the writer. The GRA score, which considers the clarity of the presentation based on proper personal pronoun usage to show the 3rd person and first person discussion points are essential to this score.  
  
There should also be a 3rd paragraph that fully explains the personal opinion of the writer. The conclusion will recieve a failing score for being the part where the writer presented his personal opinion. It is an incorrect format as the concluding paragraph should only be a summary of the previous discussion points. The essay fails on so many presentation and grammar levels at this point.
Topic:  
## As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities.

  
***To what extent do you agree or disagree?***  
  
Nowadays, more and more businesses do not make efforts to seek profit but also contribute to society as one of their missions. I completely agree with the assertion that businesses should repay society through corporate social responsibilities.  
  
On the one hand, the business has existed as an economic entity characterized by activities aimed at making money which makes sense to agree profit is also a critical objective of any enterprise. Business needs money to cover its running costs for survival and growth. Paying operating fixed costs like Ground-Hired costs and variable costs like material, employee wage,... is the most basic requirement if you want to maintain your business. Besides, intense competition for companies to constantly innovate and refine their products and services as well as capture and meet customer insights. Moreover, employees need more training and fringe benefits encouraging them to work more effectively and efficiently, as a result, business performance increase. If a company is unable to ensure its normal run, all responsibilities are frivolous.  
  
On the other hand, companies should not be run with the sole aim of maximizing profit; they have a responsibility to contribute to a better society. Firstly, they should be concerned about their inside society, more specifically, employees. For example, they should pay a decent salary to ensure the standard quality of life for workers. Secondly, companies could use a proportion of profit helping people in difficult circumstances or improve the environment. This kind of activity not only better society but also be considered a way to upgrade brand image lead to increased sales thereby increasing profits. Business and society will be in a win-win relationship.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that in addition to profits, businesses should focus on social obligations which will create a win-win relationship for society and the company
Excellent work on the simple prompt restatement + personal opinion presentation. There is a clear understanding of the topic sentence, its basis, and the discussion instruction as provided in the original presentation.  
  
While the writer showed great promise in the first paragraph, his reasoning fell apart in the next paragraph where he decided to explain why the contrary opinion is correct alongside his own opinion. Being a single opinion essay, the writer should have been clued in by the discussion question in relation to his reasoning paragraphs. He should have defended only the relevant reasons to his opinion or, shown why the contrary opinion is incorrect when compared to other considerations for the same reason. That is done in the same paragraph using the format:  
  
- Contrary reason sentence  
- Contrary reason defense  
- Writer's opinion of said reason  
- Writer's explanation of the fault present in the contrary reason  
  
By using that format, the writer will have properly used both sides of the discussion to strongly defend his opinion. However, the writer used a different format that does not follow the correct discussion pattern. Therefore, the writter will only get a score for the 2nd reason that supported his opinion. This means that the essay might get a passing score, even though it will be considered to be less developed in reasoning than it could have been. Always remember, an agree or disagree essay is always discussed based on the defense of the writer's opinion alone.
## DIFFICULT WRITING TASK 1 IELTS

  
  
**The charts below show the results of a survey of adult education. The first chart show the reasons why adults decide to study. The pie chart shows how people think the costs of adult education should be shared. Write a report to a university lecturer, describing the information shown below.**  
  
*The first chart answers the question of why adults choose to study. The two most popular reasons are because of their interests in the subject and their aims to gain qualification, respectively at 40% and 38%. Three other options are "helpful for current job", "to improve prospects of promotion", "enjoy learning/studying", all of which were chosen by roughly 20%. The next-to-last option is "to be able to change jobs" chosen by 12% of the interviewees. "To meet other people" are at the bottom of the graph with only 9%. The second chart expresses people's opinions on how to share adult learning fees. They think 40% of the fee should go to individuals and 35% go to employers while the rest should be the taxpayers'.*  
  
*   
*the graph*
The essay will receive an automatic failing score as it does not meet the 150 minimum word requirement. The writer has only written a single paragraph composed of 124 words, showing a lack of familiarity with the task 1 writing requirements. Since there are 2 images presented, the report and analysis should cover a total of 4 paragraphs. It is important that the writer does not go forward with his task 1 writing exercises until he becomes more familiar with the various formatting types and discussion expectations for this section of the IELTS test. The writer must learn how to write paragraphs covering analysis and comparison information, then paragraphs that report on the elements of each image presentation.
## **Internet Users as percentage of population**

  
  
The line graph compares the percentage of the Internet user in three North America countries over a 10 years period from 1999 to 2009.  
  
Overall, proportion of population who used the Internet in all three countries increased at a very high rate. At the end of period shown, the percentage of user grew to at least three times compared to what it was at the beginning. The lines representing USA and Canada are twisted together and always higher than the Mexico line. The gap between those two lines and Mexican line also became larger and larger over time, which suggested that USA and Canada grew at a higher rate.  
  
In 1999, the proportion of people using the Internet in USA was about 20%. Canada and Mexico was lower, at about 10% and 5% respectively. USA kept the highest position in 2 years. In 2002, Canada overtook USA, rose to the top and kept that position until the end of considered period.  
  
By 2005 USA caught up with Canada with the Internet user percentage rose to 70%, while the figure for Mexico was still low, just over 25%. By 2009, almost 100% of Canadians used the Internet, 80% of Americans and only 40% of Mexicans.  
  
*
in three North America countries  
The mention of the 3 countries in particular should have been done prior to the time frame reference. That will inform the reader regarding the comparison report basis. The mention of the countries may be repeated in the trending presentation if needed.  
  
The lines representing  
This is already part of the actual reporting paragraphs. It is not indicative of a trending statement, which is what this independent paragraph represents. Only the prior sentences adhere to trending information. You need not over reach with the trending statement. Any observations made should be part of the reporting paragraphs.  
  
The writer shows a keen observational talent in this writing. However, he tends to write run-on sentences rather than individual comparison sentences. It would be better if dual idea sentences are avoided to aid in the clarity of his comparison presentations.
## New Zealand's birth and death statistics

  
  
The line chart presents changes in the proportion of birth and death rates in NZ from 1901 to 2101.\  
  
In general, the birth rates tend to decrease in the future meanwhile the death trend can be increased significantly, which creates a huge gap between the two figures.  
  
Between 1901 and the present day, the birth rate has been continuously higher than the death rate. It stood at 20,000 at the first point and dramatically increase to a peak at 67,000 in 1964 after that it fluctuated from 50,000 to 63,000 at the end of the century. Since the first beginning of the century, a downward trend has been recorded from 49,000 to 45,000 and could befall in the next decade.  
  
On the other hand, the mortality rate was lower than the other one (around 10,000) in 1901. There is a moderate increase from 10,000 to nearly 30,000 before the 21st century but from that time the increase is predicted to be more rapid between 2021 to 2061 when the rate will probably remain stable at 60,000 and slowly go down in 2101
the death trend can be increased significantly  
Since this is a future projection, it should not be referred as a possibility. The graph shows a factual representation of the future measurement. Therefore "can" should be replaced with "will" to reflect the correct future measurement in terms of grammar accuracy.  
  
1964 after that  
There should be a period at this point. The word "after" reflects a new information sentence seperate from and not in comparison with the previous sentence. Therefore, a period is required to seperate the two sentence ideas. The seperation is needed to clearly present each measurement idea within an individual analysis presentation format.  
  
than the other one (around 10,000) in 1901  
Do not place important information in a parenthesis. Notice that if you used the actual information, the sentence would have had a clearer reference point and would have allowed for proper information inclusion in the report.  
  
The writer shows an ability to analyze the information provided in the image. His problem lies within his lack of sentence structure control. The lack of proper sentence formation prevents him from consistently representing cohesive and coherent sentence / paragraph presentations. Sentence development exercises can help reduce these types of errors.