dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Question: Many people use distance - learning programmes to study at home, but some people think that it cannot bring the same benefits of attending college or university. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?**  
  
In recent years, with the development of information technology, there are more and more websites opened to help students learn online lessons. However, whether people should accept distance education or follow traditional education has caused heated debate. In my view, i totally agree that attending class will bring more advantages to students than studying at home.  
  
Firts, there is no doubt that students are more interactive with others by going to school. When a student have questions or problems that he can't solve by himself, he can go and ask his professor directly. In case that the teacher is not there, he can ask his friends and they will find the solutions together. It's obvious that people are able to solve the problems faster when jointly thinking, rather than staying at home and thinking alone. While working together, students can improve their soft skills such as: team - work, social skills and widen relationship as well. In the meantime, distance learning puts learners in a one - way realationship and they have less chance to do so. Hardly will a person get these skills unless he attends university.  
  
In addition, attending class can help learners translate theory into practice. People always say "Practice makes perfect". So, if people keep learning at home, they almost have no chance to perform and show up their talents. Also, there are some subjects focus on communication such as marketing, human resource management, foreign language, which require learners to have discussion in group and work together. These activites benifit students to improve their critical thinking, problem - solving, etc and also raise the confidence in everyone. People are impossible to perform these skills competently without going to school.  
  
This is not to say that we completely ignore the advantages of using distance - learning programmes. Indeed, there are many people too busy earning a living and they can not attend class regularly. With these programmes, a person can learn lessons whenever he wants, thereby saving time as much as he can. There are also many people who live far from the university. By online learning, not only they can spare travelling expense but also save the expensive school fee which they can't afford. However, the benefits that students get when they go to school outweight the advantages of distance learning.  
  
In conclusion, it is a better way for students to attend university; meanwhile, we should not underestimate the advantages that distance education bring us. If university or college can combine two methods, this will bring more value to everyone
***Some parents think that childcare centers provide the best services for children of pre-school age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better cares for their kids. Discuss both views and give your opinion.***  
  
The childcare centers providing early educational system for children are believed by some working parents as the right place to keep their children. However, the rest assume grandparents or others family members will perform better to keep their children safe. Even tough family member is one of the trustworthy person that parents can rely on, I am more likely to stand that children should be safeguarded by the childcare centers because it has several system which are suitable for the children growth.  
  
It is commonly happened that some parents are depending to their parents to take care of their children while they are working. As grandparents are having the same experience for years, they believe grandparents will be more responsible and trustworthy to protect their children. The survey conducted by Australia Childcare Commission in 2010 showed that only 43% of parents nowadays trusting their parents to protect their children in working hours as they believe grandparents are become elder and not strong enough. It is can be seen from the survey that not even a half of the society relies on their parents to take care of their children.  
  
However, many people assume the childcare centers are providing best materials and services in nursing and babysitting their children. As the childcare centers is being paid, it is not only nursing and babysitting children in working hours but also giving them early education and nutritional meal during keeping time. The same survey conducted by Australia Childcare Commission in 2010 showed the reverse of trusting grandparents to treat their children, as much as 57% of parents prefer to choose childcare centers regarding to some advantages served by it. From the fact, it is clearly true most of people more likely to believe childcare centers to take care of their children in working hours.  
  
To sum up, both childcare centers and family member bring benefit for parents to take care of their children where some parents believe childcare centers will give their children pre-school education and the rest think grandparents as the most trustworthy person to babysit their children. Where possible, children not only should be taken care but also taught early.
Hi Risky, I have a few suggestions to enhance the last part of your essay;  
  
- ~~To sum up~~Overall , both childcare  
- centers and family member~~s can~~ bring benefit  
- ~~for~~to parents ~~to take~~in taking care of their children,  
- ~~where~~while some parents believe  
- ~~as~~are the most trustworthy person  
- to babysit and teach their children.  
- Where possible, children ~~not only~~ should not only be be taken cared of but also taught early.  
  
There you have it Risky, with the first 3 paragraphs, there's not really a lot to enhance, however, upon proof reading your essay, I believe the final paragraph needs that improvement as you can see with the above remarks and corrections, I hope you follow through for the benefit of a well written essay. Keep writing.
***Some parents think that childcare centers provide the best services for children of pre-school age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better cares for their kids. Discuss both views and give your opinion.***  
  
Childcare centers are considered by some parents for their children to be entrusted while they are in busy hours. Some people agree about it while others believe that grandparents' role is much better. Although relatives inevitably educate these children well, I firmly believe that pre-school age children will obtain sociability skill in childcare centers and be educated by perfect services since professional and experienced people are involved.  
  
It is commonly found that there are many working parents out there who bring up their children by relatives' complicity believe that it is not a bad idea as relatives surely will be well-being through the nurture and it relieves parents. It is because parents have experienced it, consequently children growth would be as like them as possible. Besides, using other family members' service does not require high cost which can be used for children's next education needs. Lee Kwang Soo, an educator who teach in 4 renowned schools in Seoul, South Korea, states that children who are being nurtured by their grandparents behave well in school.  
  
Nevertheless, fact proves that it is not a small number of toddlers who spend their days in a playgroup in order to gain sophisticated education system. The reason for this is that there is no doubt that pediatric care centers offers professionals who are accomplished in nursing toddler. Besides, its contemporary method can lead pre-school age children to be well-prepared people facing the world because children naturally learn cognitive skills such as how to adapt with others and how to solve problem with peers. A researcher from University of South Korea studies toward triplets children where Song Dae Han and Song Min Guk are being nursed by their aunt while Song Man Se joins a pediatric care center. The study finds that the latter child is more energetic than the other two who tend to be calmer which means that who is in pediatric care center socialize better and faster compared to them who are nursed by relative .  
  
Moreover, I also assert that there are many childcare centers today who offer both conventional and modern method to nurse children. It is because people still believe that the way our ancestor raise children have many merits indeed. Thus, it can make children be better then.  
  
Overall, it is a good idea to have relatives' role in nursing children since their parents have busy days, but it would be great for children to be explored their skills while they are being nurtured as what is offered by pediatric care centers.
hello there,,  
here are some correction for me.  
  
1. Some people ~~agree about it~~*(agree with it)* while others believe that grandparents  
2. pediatric care centers ~~offers~~*(offer)* professionals  
3. ... who are accomplished in ~~nursing~~*(a or the nursing)* toddler.  
4. ... who are nursed by ~~relative~~*(the or a relative*) .  
  
may some corrections can help your writing...
Hi Husnul, I believe with over 6 essays that I have reviewed, this is one of those essays that does not necessarily need to be modified with a major enhancement. I believe this is a well managed essay, you were able to draw a clear picture of the idea that you are trying to convey to your readers and this is very good when you're writing.  
  
Should there be anything that I would recommend to be changed, it will be the appearance of the essay, I believe the 4th and 5th paragraph can be merged and it should present a more presentable final paragraph.  
  
Overall, you can continue doing this kind of essay and believe me, there are still a lot to learn but you are in the right track in developing your writing skills and you can also learn a few writing techniques along the way. Keep writing.
***In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion.***  
  
Several countries permit under-age children to work. This statement create the presence of two critical thinking, some assume it is as an unacceptable choice and the rest think it is as a beneficial experience.  
  
Even tough the under-age children should not be engaged further as a labour considered by their mental health that is not yet ready to work, I am more likely to stand that children still should be introduced to work life so they can think wider and perform wiser.  
  
As they are still young, the under-age children should not be involved in paid work. Some people assumed it is as an unacceptable choice since their mental health can be broken by doing activities that really not fit into them. Research conducted in 2012 by Committee on the Rights of the Child as one of the United Nations body for children showed as much as 35 percent of children engaged to paid work becomes mentally disturbed and ill-tempered. However, the percentage of the impact of paid work to children mental health presented by Committee on the Rights of the Child only represents the condition in some developing countries where children is more likely to consider to work than study.  
  
In contrast to the first statement, children who study and take part time job will be well-prepared as an adult rather than children who take one of it. The rest of society believe that children experiencing both study and work will think wider and perform wiser when they are mature. A current survey conducted by Australian Government towards this issue showed more than 63 percent of the employees having working experience when they are young are more productive and creative to solve problem in work and friendlier to their partner in workplace. By this fact, it is clear that the children who study and are introduced to work early will be well-prepared to face working life as an adult.  
  
To sum up, children engaged in paid work has not only the advantage impact that is they will face work life better since they know the work system early but also the drawback as they will easily get ill-tempered considered by their mental health that not yet ready to work.
Alrisky, if I were the examiner reviewing your written exam, I would be scoring this as a 4. While the essay is well written and presents coherent ideas. The main problem with the essay is that it did not cover all of the prompt requirements. You successfully argued both sides of the issue but, you failed to build a discussion regarding your personal opinion on the given prompt. If you will review the prompt, you will notice that you were expected to provide specific information in each paragraph:  
  
Paragraph 1 - Overview of the prompt and a statement of your opinion.  
Paragraph 2 - Supporting discussion with evidence.  
Paragraph 3 - Opposing discussion with evidence.  
Paragraph 4 - Your personal opinion as an expanded discussion  
Paragraph 5 - Conclusion  
  
Your grammar use lacks complexity so that also affected the final score that I believe, could be given to your essay. Don't let this review tear you down though. I know that you will continue to show improvement over the coming days and your score will improve alongside it.
Hello there,,  
let me give some corrections for your writing,  
  
Here are my Corrections :  
1. This statement ~~create~~*(creates)* the presence of two  
2. some assume ~~it is as~~ (as) an unacceptable choice ...  
3. children should not be engaged further as a ~~labour~~*(labor)*considered  
4.creative to solve ~~problem~~**( the problem)** in work and friendlier to their partner in ~~workplace~~*(the workplace)*  
  
may some corrections are useful for your writing..
Hi risky, as I review your essay it is very easy to understand that every person has their own opinion,I say this because it has been 6 essays that I have reviewed and most of them are of different opinions, some would be on the positive and some are on the negative side. Now, of course in every writing that you have, all you have to do is be very objective towards the answer to the prompt, this way you will have a neutral side of the essay.  
  
Now, as I go through the essay, I must say, I don't see major enhancement needed in the essay, however, in proofreading, there a few corrections that can be done to strengthen the essay, this are minor ones such as your comma, linking verbs, verb tenses and a few word forms that are very easy to change and correct.  
  
Overall, it was a well versed essay, the presentation however can also be enhanced, you can merge the first and second paragraph and leave the rest of the essay as it is, this will give you 3 solid paragraphs to work with and this will also enhance the appearance of the essay and the ease of reading.
***In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?***  
  
The ministries in some countries are recommending industries and businesses to be relocated in suburb area rather than in rural area. Even though the movements of industries and businesses directed to outskirt area is a good idea to reduce the number of people moving to city. The disadvantage of traffic congestion and flood encountered in the relocation point far outweigh any benefits  
  
It is often said that the order to move industrial and business buildings to suburb area is to draw up the population density in the city. As industries and businesses offers work field, the numbers of citizens who migrate to rural area keep increasing. Besides, Industries like shopping centers also provide entertainments which then attract inhabitants to move in the countryside. South Korea citizens proves it where there are 2,5 million people are habituated to live for a while in Busan or Incheon, beside Seoul as its capital city, in order to work. However, this seems to create another density population in the countryside as more people migrate to this place.  
  
Nevertheless, reallocating industries and businesses out of rural area makes it bears urban areas' common problems such as pollutions and flood. It is because moving those buildings do not only bring themselves but all of the things involved like employees and congestions also move. Likewise, having big number of industrial and business buildings triggers flood because there only a small number of lands that can be functioned as landfills. A lecturer from Al-Azhar University conducted a study that examine the merits and demerits of moving industries from Cairo to Alexandria presents that now Alexandria becomes Cairo's twin. This means that its advantage should more concerned and therefore it outnumbers its benefits  
  
In brief, it is undeniable that through the policy to move manufacturers is one effective way to solve population density in rural area, but this idea bring demerits for outskirt as the movement target. Hence, I believe that this policy has greater drawback than its merit.
hello miss Didah,,  
let me give some corrections. this may help your writing...  
  
1.the number of people moving to ~~city~~*( the city, because this is noun)*  
2.**Even though the movements of industries and businesses directed to outskirt area**~~is~~ (are) a good idea  
3.As **industries and businesses**~~offers~~*(offer)* work field  
4.South Korea citizens ~~proves~~*(prove)* it where there are 2,5 million  
5.**reallocating industries and businesses out of rural area**~~makes~~~~(make)~~ it bears urban areas'  
  
thank you ...
Hi Husnul, I believe in this particular essay, you started very strong, you managed to create a well written essay, you have incorporated simple words that is very essential when it comes to writing, this will not only ensure that your readers understand your essay but more importantly, this will let you know that what you wrote is worth a read and very easy to the eyes as well, not too long and not so short.  
  
Now, as much as I notice the strength of the first two paragraphs, I must say, the last one did not stand as much, having said that, below are my thoughts to enhance your essay;  
  
- ~~In brief~~Overall , it is undeniable that ~~through~~though the policy to (...) way to solve the population density in the rural areas , ~~but~~ this idea bring demerits ~~for outskirt~~in the urban areas as the movement target.  
  
There you have Husnul, I hope the above revision and insights help in your revision and should you need further assistance, do let us know, we will be here for you.
Topic: **what do you think were the advantages and disadvantages of living in a small community ?**  
  
Nowadays, the more modern the life become, the more people tend to prefer living in large cities. There are advantages and disadvantages to living in a small community.  
  
I believe there were three main benefits. Firstly, the atmostphere was always fresh, spaceful and relaxed, because there were many trees, fields and rivers. Also there were no industry, factories and crowded traffic. Secondly, in small community, everyone knew and understood their neighborhoods, so when someone got troubles, the others were willing to support and help. As the result, the local people were not feel sad and lonely. Also the crime was seldom occur, so people could be comfortable to work and enjoy life, especially children were able to grow up happily and peacefully.  
  
However there were disadvantages considerably. Firstly, students did not have opportunities to follow the advanced education programs because lacking of facilities and accessing latest teaching methods. Also there were no universities, students who wanted to study further have to move away to a certain city and few parents could support their children. Secondly, the healthcare services were not quality. People who got hard diseases had to take to the city in order to being offered good treatments. Also for serious accidents, people may die on the way to hospital. In my view the biggest problem was that the young generation was not ambitious, because most parents worked as farmers, so they tended to want to be a farmer more than other jobs.  
  
In my opinion, the disadvantages of living in a small community were greater than the advantages. The pace of life was slow leading people to be lazy and not to give much effort in life. Also people had little chance to contact with variety of aspects in order to find out their passions and learn themselves
hello bea  
  
Nowadays, the more modern the life become, the more people tend to ...  
  
I think that's better if you use to simple present to explain this essay because this case has been happening until now.  
  
I believe there ~~were~~ are three main benefits. Firstly, the atmostphere ~~was~~is always fresh, (...), because there ~~were~~are many trees, ...  
~~Also there were~~The better is no industr~~y~~ies , factories and ~~crowded~~ traffic jam .  
.., everyone kn~~ew~~ows, and understood (...) when someone g~~ot~~et troubles, the others ~~were~~are willing to support and help. As the result, the local people ~~were~~are not feel sad and lonely. Also the crime ~~was~~ seldom occurs , so people could be (...) especially children ~~were~~are to be able to ...  
  
your writing is still too much repetitive and simple sentence, perhaps better is if you try to use complex sentence
Hi Nguyen, I believe this is my first review for your essay and so far, your essays are looking good. You see, when you're writing, you have to understand what you are writing about, the prompt should be internalized and you should create a mental presentation of how your essay will sound like when you read it out loud. This is very important, simply because, you will not be able to create a well written essay if you don't have the right idea and the right approach and if you yourself does not understand what you wrote.  
  
Furthermore, as much as you can, review the rules of the language, make sure that you are abreast of the latest updates of the language rules, this will be very essential when you write and hopefully, when you get accustomed to writing you will be able to get the habit of writing a good one.  
  
Moreover, as mentioned, you have a good start in writing, however, this should not stop here, you should be able to develop your writing skills and be sure to practice writing more often and read a lot too