dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The personal opinion can be included in one of two ways:  
1. The writer may opt to give a point of view after each public opinion presentation, avoiding the need for a stand alone opinion paragraph. (4 paragraphs)  
  
2. The writer has the chance to write a stand alone paragraph after the public opinion explanation. A quick analysis and point of view for both discussion points will be required. Use a comparative paragraph with a clear supporting statement at the end. (5 paragraphs)  
  
The concluding paragraph summarizes the previous discussions. The personal opinion cannot be a part of this as it will cause an open ended, meaning no conclusion statement, which will not recieve a score. Rather, the essay can fail as there is no conclusion present.
## sharing home with parents at an adult age

  
  
In this day and age, many mature citizens prefer living with their parents to having their own life even graduating and finding well-paid occupations. From my perspective, I think that the negativities may contain, however, the benefits accompanying overperformed with those.  
  
On the one hand, it is undeniable that adults can reap enormous benefits from living under the same roof with their parents. In detail, they can have a great financial budget, which will be paid for many expenses like rent, personal activities, food if they have their own life. They in turn can utilize this money to enjoy life, or travel to tourism attractions. Furthermore, they may not bother to do the housework like cleaning, cooking, or taking care of other family members, they can spend all the time finding opportunities to enhance their careers. Consequently, those people's living will be more convenient than remaining people.  
  
On the other hand, continuing to living with parents even when having jobs also exist some drawbacks. First and foremost, because they get used to over-relying on their parents a long term, they may be lack financial management skills which will be extremely detrimental to themselves when they moved out and have their own life. Besides that, if the living with parents descends into private life, those people will get stuck in any trouble about the expenses or the way to handle the lifestyle, especially, they no longer have their durable shield as before to encourage or give words of wisdom when they fell down. As a result, the matures will have a lot of embarrassment with their own life.  
  
To conclude, although living with parents under the same roof still exist some drawbacks, those pale in comparison with the positivities. Personally, I completely endorse those mature people should continue to live with their parents because of the enormous benefits it brings.
The topic restatement was well developed and clearly offered to the reader. However, the opinion statement lost its focus and clarity to the point where it became almost incomprehensible to the leader. Several readings of the opinion sentence Was required to decipher the two sense of the statement. This will be a negative GRA preliminary scoring consideration at the start.  
  
The writer has not explained his reasons in the needed format. His already fuzzy opinion is further affected by his comparison reasoning in a single opinion essay. The prompt requires a 2 paragraph discussion of why his stated opinion is correct. As in a debate, the purpose is to prove the other side wrong. The writer lost focus and instead said "Both opinions are correct" instead of "My opinion is the only correct one in this arguement". Scores can only be provided for discussion paragraphs in support of the writers opinion statement.
I suggest some changes in bold as below. Hope this help:  
  
[i... having their own **lives**, even **after**graduating and **getting well-paying jobs**.  
  
**On one hand**, it is undeniable that adults...  
  
... financial budget **that will cover various costs such as** rent, personal activities, **and** food if they have their own **lives**.  
  
... all the time **looking for** opportunities to  
  
Consequently, those **people living with parents** will be more convenient than **those who don't.**  
  
... living with parents **while working** also **has** some drawbacks.[/i]
***IELTS Writing Task 2:  
In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in.***  
## What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

  
  
Answer:  
  
People in certain nations are getting more keen on discovering the stories and facts connected to the house or the building in which they reside. I assume that this trend happens more in the cases of ancient houses and areas that have a history. Firstly this essay will discuss what motivates people to make research, and secondly, how information can be figured out.  
  
There are several reasons that encourage people to do research. Some people take it serious to know the past of the place where they live because they will feel more connected to it. The story behind a house or a building can make people living in it feel proud, therefore using it to boast in a random conversation with friends. Finding facts about something also provide a chance to learn new things. For example, architect enthusiasts can study the house's ancient architectural style and the construction techniques that keep it standing through decades, or even centuries.  
  
Looking for information about the past of a certain construction is not as difficult as we may think. Data can be found in existing researches and related newspaper articles. The Internet now enables us to easily access such information with just a click at home without having to immerse ourselves in books and materials at libraries. Talking with the neighborhood can also be an effective way. The neighbors that have been living in the area for a long time can be the most lively books and may tell stories that cannot be found anywhere else.  
  
In conclusion, researching the history behind a resident site can be amused to many individuals and the facts are approachable in different ways.
Do not make assumptions in the presentation as this indicates the writer is not confident of his opinion. The task 2 essay is an analytical opinion statement and must be stated with confidence in the facts provided. There are no right or wrong answers so there need not be an "on the fence" response. By the way, the essay requires discussion outlines, not repeated instructions. State the topic responses directly, without a discussion.  
  
The response paragraphs are clearly presented with proper samples. More transition words /sentence usage would have added scoring substance though. The writer needs to develop a better summary conclusion over 2-5 sentences for proper scoring application.
## Summarise the information from the charts

  
  
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.  
  
The charts show what Australian school leavers did immediately after leaving secondary school. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.  
  
You should write at least 150 words.  
  
MY ANSWER:  
The pie charts compare the state of Australian who graduated secondary school in 1980, 1990 and 2000.  
  
Overall, students who were employed witnessed an upward trend throughout the years. The reverse pattern is true for the those pursuing further education. Whereas, the proportion of the jobless is the smallest during the period.  
  
It can be seen from the charts that the percentage of students who received a job after graduation from secondary school gradually rose up by 15% in a 20-year timeline, which reached 1st position among all examined categories in the 2000. In contrast, the statistics of people who continually studied further took up the biggest majority in 1980, then had a moderate fall to 37% in 2000.  
  
On the other hand, the two decades saw a fluctuation in unemployment of students graduating secondary school. The figure commenced at 10% in 1980, then slightly increased to 12% in 1990 before having a drop to 8% in 2000. Despite volatile data, it always accounted for a tiny proportion in the three given years.  
  
*
The instructions must never be paraphrased in a task 1 essay due to the inaccuracy of the content. In this instance, the restatement was left unclear because there was no reference to the number of pie charts, what information each chart identified, and how the data was measured. The writer failed to give a proper summary of pie chart information leaving the summary overview less informative than it could have been.  
  
Despite the problematic summary, the comparison data provided shows a clear analysis of information. The writer obviously took care in developing the report, allowing him to avoid the common grammar and coherence errors in the final report.
## Population structure and ageing

  
  
The provided chart illustrates the percentage of people by three different age groups of a certain nation during 80 years, which started in 1960.  
  
As can be seen, the proportion of inhabitants aged 0-14 and 15-64 decreased gradually, while this figure of upper 64 age saw a dramatic upward trend. Although the percentage of people aged 65+ was the lowest out of three at the beginning, it will become the highest level, which is the same as that of 0-to 14-year-old children.  
  
At the beginning, the age group of 15-64 registered the highest of all three, standing at about 55%. Then this figure fluctuated slightly of approximately 4 percent each 10 years to 60 percent in 1990, before it saw a stead decline of 10 percent in 2020 and will be predicted to be continuously decreased to roughly 45 percent in 2040. Meanwhile, the percentage of citizens aged 0-14 stood at 30 percent, and then it kept observing a downward nonstop trend to 10 percent until 2040 excepting a stable pattern witnessed in the period from 1970 to 1980.  
  
Regarding the oldest age group, albeit the rate of people aged 65 or above stayed remained between 1960 and 1970 at about 15%. This number increased to around 35% in 2020 and is guessed to continue rising in the future.
The task one essay should be completed within 200 words. The writer has only 20 minutes to write the report, with 5 minutes allowance provided to correct writing errors. The writer needs to develop a short but informative writing style to meet the time limit.  
  
There is an incomplete image identification as to the type of chart provided. The writer still does not have accurate information regarding the measurement presentation. Since there is no image provided, the writer will lose points in terms of image accuracy. The writer should have completed this presentation in 3 paragraphs. Since only 1 image was provided, a trending sentence would have been more word count compliant when compared to a trending paragraph. The 3nd paragraph could have also been presented in a shorter report manner.
## WRITING TASK 1- BAR CHARTS

  
  
**Topic: The chart below shows global sales of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.**  
  
The given bar charts compare the sale of the five mobile phone brands over the world from 2009 to 2013.  
  
Overall, the proportion of global sales varied significantly across the various brands. It can be seen that Samsung had the biggest proportion over the period time. By contrast, ZTE took nearly the lowest point over the given time ( both of them excepted 2009)  
  
Samsung had the highest sale, over 200 million in 2009 rising to 450 million in 2013. In contrast, Apple had the lowest sale at the beginning of the period, approximately a quarter. By 2013, it had increased to 150 million. Both of them were the upward trends. ZTE still stayed stable over the period, with just around 50 million phones  
  
On the other hand, in 2009, Nokia sold just a little under 450 million. In 2011, Nokia kept the highest rank. However, by 2013, it had dropped sharply to 250 million. Similar to LG, it sold over 100 million in 2009 decreasing slightly to around 55 million in 2013. The given bar charts compare the sale of the five mobile phone brands over the world from 2009 to 2013.  
  
*
The summary overview should have responded to the following qquestions to qualify as a complete quick-rundown:  
- What brands are being compared? (In relation to the trending statement)  
- Indicate the units of measurement for sold units  
- comparative years (It is not a continous graph measurement.That representation is incorrect)  
  
The writer stated the measurement topic twice in the presentation. This is proof of lack of editing and proofreading of the essay. While the comparison paragraphs are acceptable, the repeated line will cause TA and C + C deductions of a minimal kind. Precise presentations all a must even in practice tests as these assements help the writer prepare for actual test scoring.
## Goverments should spend money on railways rather roads. Agree or disagree?

  
  
Nowadays, government focus on improving quality of life which has brought a lot benefit for citizens, such as education, health care and transportation. Some people believe that the authorities should spend money on building railways rather than building road. This essay will argue why building railways is entirely necessary instead of roads.  
  
Building roads has become increasingly unpopular for many years because of some risks of roads. Most of people have to suffer from the traffic jams everyday to go to the office or go to school. In rush hour, traffic jams is not stranger on key routes such as Cong Hoa, Truong Chinh, etc. which makes us become tired after the hour on the road and then we have to go to work. Moreover, amount of transportation has been increasingly become day by day which become endanger to the environment. The more transportations are on the road, the more emissions increase. These few instances have bolstered decision of government about building roads is completely preposterous.  
  
Because of some risks of spending money on roads, people believe that spending money on improving railways is entirely necessary. In many developed countries such as Japan and China, they spend a lot of money on developing the railway system therefore their daily commute is not only effective but also safe. For example, if people travel by train, people will have time to relax, to read some news or listen to music which make them feel comfortable before we arrive the office and start their jobs. Moreover, travel by train can reduce the amount of air pollution that help decrease the greenhouse effect. Overall, the idea that spending money on railways is more useful than roads is entirely justified, because of the advantages of building railways.  
  
This essay argued that government should pay more money to improve and build more railway which lead to develop quality of life and economic. In my opinion, building railways is an absolute imperative despite its high cost.
The writer has totally disregarded the discussion format for this essay. The response was supposed to respond to the question, "to what extent do you agree or disagree ?". The writer created his own discussion topic based on "railways are more necessary than roads". As such, the task accuracy of the essay is now unrelated to the discussion provided. The topic slant and reasoning requirements have changed and do not reflect the original concerns anymore. The essay has received a failing score even before the full scoring assessment could be applied. Even though the reasoning paragraphs relate to the original topic in away, the previous inaccuracies may have made it difficult for the writer to each a passing score.  
  
The writer basically provided a thesis statement without first answering the qquestion. That in where the restatement error , response inaccuracy, and format confusion stems from.
Hi @ngocbich1204,  
Because you wrote that building railways is more necessary than building roads in your introduction, you should have list the reasons and points to support your opinion. In other words, you should have focus on the advantages of building railways instead of the disadvantages of building roads in your first body paragraph. Your second body paragraph meets the requirement but I think your point and reasons are not quite convincing. You believe that *" if people travel by train, people will have time to relax, to read some news or listen to music..."*but I would argue that people can do so even when using road public transportation such as buses. Using buses can also save the environment too.  
  
I hope my feedback is useful to you. Have a good day !
## The provided chart illustrates the rate of male and female who played 9 kinds of sports in New Zealand in 2002.

  
Overall, netball was the most popular sport with women while that of men was soccer. Besides, the number of men who joined in sports activities was much more than women.  
  
Starting with girls, it is obvious that they did not participate much in cricket with only 2 percent of people. Similarly with men, netball followed that trend with the same proportion. Next, athletics ,material arts and soccer were not embarked by lots of women with regard to approximately 5% each. A similar pattern was evident in basketball and tennis with around 6% and 9% respectively in both genders.  
  
In contrast, the highest percentages of men were in soccer with estimately a quarter of all. That was followed by other sports and swimming with the rate in the period from 13 to 25% while that of girls was similar with the higher rate in water sport. In addition, cricket was threefold with athletics at about 12%.  
  
*
The summary overview would be better presented if the writer included a run-down of the 9 sports, measurement type, and only one trend in the presentation. The trend is created by a single reference unless a trending paragraph of 3 sentences can be presented. The summary is acceptable, but will not bring in a high preliminary see because it is too short in terms of presentation.  
  
The actual reporting paragraphs are too confusing to follow because the writer is combining various information for both genders in a single paragraph. This tends to be stressful to the reader. The way the graph is laid out, it is important that the reports be laid out by gender in the paragraphs. That makes it easier to follow the report highlights on the part of the reader.
## the phenomenon of the online work and study

  
  
In these days, a massive number of adults and adolescents are starting to work as well as study from their homes due to the low cost together with the accessibility of technology. From my perspective, this is totally a benefit growth for the following reasons.  
  
There are several reasons to explain why this is such a useful improvement for us in the modern world. Initially, working or study at home will help to prevent us from the terrible air pollution which is one of the hottest issues worldwide. Because of the overpopulation, the means of transport has currently appeared more and more on the roads which will lead to air pollution on account of carbon dioxide that vehicles emitted. Due to this, stay at your own home to work or study will be a great idea to not only stop the congestion but also protect us from air pollution. In Viet Nam, the company called "Vingroup" has encouraged employees working at home to decrease the number of vehicles on the streets to protect the environment and stop the congestion happen as much as possible. Among them, 90% of people agree with this encouragement as technology prices have become much reasonable in addition to the convenience when they work.  
  
Furthermore, working or studying at home also helps us work and study more conveniently, in addition, to stay away from the crowds. Due to the congestion, people always get stuck when driving at rush hour which will make them late from work and study. On account of that, working or studying at home will be much more comfortable as they do not need to worry about being on time. Besides, it also prevents us from crowds to protect our health especially when we now have to face with COVID-19 pandemic. In the USA, 80% of residents are lean towards working and studying at home due to the convenience, technology prices, and also the pandemic that certainly affects their lives a lot.  
  
To sum up, adults and teenagers in this day and age prefer to work and study at home owing to the reasonable prices of technology. In my opinion, this is an absolutely positive change not only to protect us from air pollution, epidemic and make us more convenient with work, study but also help us to get on well with this modern worldwide today.
The writer could be considered an intermediate level English learner. The sentence presentations are mostly clear, logical, and relevant to the topic. The writer shows an analytical ability that is required of higher education students in the English speaking countries. Though not fluent yet, the writer manages to deliver almost properly structured sentences with a proper simple and complex sentence mix.  
  
The writer tends to use filler sentences though. This lessens the impact of the paragraph because an empty introduction to the topic is used. A sample sentence filler is,  
  
There are several reasons to explain why this is such a useful improvement for us in the modern world.  
Such statements are more useful as a part of the thesis presentation sentence, prior to the discussion topic listing. For example:  
  
*There are several reasons to explain why this is such a useful improvement for us in the modern world. These reasons include...*
## women in uniformed services

  
  
In the meantime, the wave of feminism is being strongly stimulated. Saying because there is gender equality, some people believe that women should play the same role as men in the police and military. Even though this statement is discussed heatedly every day, I strongly believe that women are more suitable for their own roles at first.  
  
First, not all women are suitable for being in the police and military. These roles require high physical strength. To take part in these fields, a person also needs sacrifice, braveness, and body flexibility, which usually can be found in a man. In most situations, women are being claimed to be weaker than men. They have a smaller body and are hard to gain muscles. Getting trained to be in the police or military, a person has to go through strict health censorship. Because of that, not every woman can pass that test. Being the physically weaker gender, women will have to face a lot of disadvantages if they follow these paths.  
  
Secondly, women are doing great at their job. We all know that the strength of a woman is usually about the mind. They have a creative mindset, high emotional intelligence, and sentimental soul. A girl can get their development in her mind better than a boy. No wonder why the proportion of women novelists are getting higher and higher each year. For example, J.K. Rowling is a particular "rags to riches life". She is the author of the famous novel series "Harry Potter". She not only has already finished completely her first mission: giving birth and taking care of her child but also being recognized as the world's first billionaire author by Forbes.  
  
In conclusion, there is no limitation for a woman's strength. It is undeniable that today, women are becoming stronger and stronger than before. They can totally choose to join the police or military if they are able. There is no forcing. Women always know how to use their strength to get successful and balance the world.