dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hi there, I would appreciated, if someone could help me giving some feedback about this essay.  
  
## funds on national problems vs wildlife issues

  
  
*Q: It is often said that governments spend too much money on projects to protect wildlife,  
while there are other problems that are more important?  
Do you agree or disagree?*  
  
Ans:  
It is sometimes argued that governments invest a considerable amount of money in preserving wild animals as opposed to other more serious issues existing in society. While I agree with this point of view to some extent, I believe that the monetary support to wildlife protection should not be neglected.  
  
On the one hand, governments would be likely to give priority to address the problems of economy, education, public health and social inequality instead of wildlife conservation as allocating financial resources. For instance, If the problem of an economic recession in certain countries is unable to be tackled, they do not have sufficient money to assist wild creatures. By spending a great deal of money on regenerating some natural habitats, such as regrowing trees or rainforests, there is a wide range of wildlife that can be saved. Furthermore, without making an endeavour to educate citizens that requires an increase in government funding, they would be less aware of environmental issue.  
  
On the other hand, the large proportion of governments expenditure on how to efficiently preserve wildlife should be maintained, otherwise humans may suffer irreversible damages. For example, the huge areas of forests are cleared leading to the disappearance of natural habitats, and that people exploit these lands as farming lands. This inappropriate behaviour breaks the food chain and causes an imbalanced ecological system. Therefore, governments should spend more money on this in case of losing unique species forever.  
  
In conclusion, it seems to me that governments should apportion the equal ratio of financial assistance between the national problems and wildlife issues so that we are able to peacefully coexist with the majority of creatures on Earth.
In my opinion, I suggest you need to be more straightforward with your answer whether you are agree or disagree with the statement because it will be confusing to the reader if you choose in-between. It's better to say yes I agree or no I don't agree with the statement and then you elaborate why do you agree/disagree with it. I reckoned this is a personal essay, so it's better to include your personal example as well. What I'm trying to say is pick a side and explain why. That's what I think what do you need to improve with your essay, I suggest that you also look for another resources as well. GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR TEST!
When you write the introduction, spend time in formulating the summary of the prompt. Avoid writing long sentence because that results in a confusing thought presentation. Always use one thought or reason per sentence. Never combine 2 thoughts in one sentence. Additionally, you should only mention your direct response to the question but not your opinion or reason for your opinion. That should be saved for the body of paragraphs. The conclusion should also summarize your discussion rather than add little developed reasoning discussions as you did here. Remember, you have to wrap-up and end the discussion within 5 paragraphs. That is why the last paragraph is called the concluding paragraph.
## Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed.

  
  
As we witness marketization and commodification of almost every part of our lives, thinking about whether should television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) be allowed or not could somehow seem anachronistic. Nevertheless, I still think regulations are necessary in that area. Several arguments can be employed to support aforementioned view on sensitive issues such as influence of marketing on children definitely is.  
  
First of all, I think we could all agree upon the fact that such young children are not capable of judging between good and bad in general and, furthermore, what is and what is not good for them. Having that in mind, advertising of different products to young children raises a question of ethics. Promoting, for example, a product to someone not able to take responsibility for oneself, their actions and decisions should also represent concern for consumer protection policy makers.  
  
Another reason why such marketing practice should not be allowed are numerous negative effects they may cause. Easily imagined problem is one that occurs in relation to food products advertising. Children could adopt bad or even dangerous eating habits as a result of no supervised advertisement of specific products as sweets. Another negative effect similar to latter is the development of consumeristic behavior since early age. Stimulating the urge to have certain items, toys etc. can have severe consequences on character development and can cause a variety of challenges for parents.  
  
Even if we can easily address different negative effects of uncontrolled advertisement to young children, the issue how to and which content to restrict and supervise is not the easy one. Creation of legislation and regulations regarding advertisement to vulnerable social groups as process should involve all kinds of experts and specialists - from psychologists, nutritionists, pediatricians, pedagogues, children attorneys etc. and should be based on results of specifically directed researches.  
  
To conclude, even though it seems almost impossible to restrict and control marketing strategies nowadays available, we should, as a society, still be doing as much as possible for the protection and well-being of those most vulnerable, and especially children.
It is not a question of whether more regulation is required when it comes to advertising to children, it is a question of whether you agree or disagree with the given statement. That is the Task assigned to this discussion and that is what you failed to respond to in your introduction statement. The task accuracy score will be heavily based on whether or not you properly responded to the question given at the start, with the body of discussions adding to the consideration of your score. Failing to say yes or no directly, in relation to the prompt topic will result in points deductions even if the rest of your essay does respond to the given topic. Your essay moved away from the simple yes or no discussion because towards the end, you began discussing the need for legislation, which was not part of the original discussion. You were only asked to provide reasons and examples for your dis/agreement with the statement. There was no call for you to discuss potential solutions. That results in further prompt deviations and a lowering of your final score.
QUESTION1:  
***Scientists tell us that some activities are good for health and others are bad.**  
**Despite knowing that, millions of people still continue doing unhealthy activities.***  
## What are the causes and what are the solutions for this?

  
  
ANSWER:  
Despite the fact that we all realise the lack of physical exercise or having unbalanced diet could lead to lots of chronic illnesses such as hypertension or life threatening diseases like myocardial infarction, many people still are reluctant to remain active and stay healthy. Some causes and solutions will be cited in this essay.  
  
In accordance with a recent survey conducted by a local university, there are some factors contributing to the above problem. To start with, people living in Hong Kong have inadequate time for sport playing due to long working or studying hours. Most of the time, long travelling hours are required to arrive their workplaces or schools, and they also need to do some household chores before bedtime. Therefore, the necessity of doing exercises is usually ignored. The second point is laziness. People may not be determined enough to quit unhealthy habits. For instance, they may not be able to reduce cigarette dependency because of its addictiveness. Another example is people continue to live with insufficient exercises on the simple grounds that they are not comfortable.  
  
In order to encourage people to avoid bad habits and increase physical exercise, some solutions are suggested. To being with, the government should impose heavy taxes on unhealthy products such as tobaccos, alcohols or fast food. Also, employers may consider offering incentives such as cash or coupons if their employees could reduce excessive weight or remain a normal body mass index. It is believed these methods may remind people to maintain a healthy lifestyle in order to get rid of medical problems.  
  
To conclude, people should aware of their health and break the destructive lifestyle in order to live longer and happier.  
  
One essay at once
The introduction must accurately summarize the content of the prompt in order for it to gain a proper TA score. In this instance, you did not properly paraphrase the said prompt. Rather, you paraphrased without providing the original information. That will definitely have an effect on your TA score as your paraphrase will only be partially correct. For this type of essay, you must focus on properly explaining only 2 problems, results, and solutions to the problem. One in every paragraph. That is because the essay suffers from little developed discussions, which means that you were not fully able to support your discussion with valid reasons. The paragraphs are simply a mix-match of ideas that could be clarified further. Using the one cause and solution paragraph discussion helps you to clarify your meaning. Your vocabulary has problems and will prove to lower both your LR and GRA scores because you are using words out of context. For example, you said being when you meant to say begin. Lack of proof reading will often result in disastrous scores for most test takers.
Hello everyone,  
I currently try to improve my writing skill. Could you please help me to check this essay and give me advices. Thank you in advance. Have a nice day.  
  
*Topic:  
**The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing.***  
## Do you agree or disagree?

  
  
We are now living in a 4.0 industrial revolution that allows us to purchase almost everything with just one click. Online shopping becomes popular as a global trend and some people might think that all the stores are going to disappear but as far as I concerned the store still have an irreplaceable role.  
  
First of all, online purchases can not replace the customer's experience. For example, when people buy clothes online, most of them might confuse about the quality that just can be felt by their hands. Sometimes, the color of the clothes when we see on the website might have a bit different compared to reality.  
  
Moreover, many companies or stores now already aware of customer's needs. They try to figure out their selling point, combine many convenience services for customers who come to the store like a promotion campaign or making a great experience. For example, some of the bookstores might include a coffee shop so people could meet up with their friends, reading books or self-study.  
  
Furthermore, as a marketing strategy, a store located in a favorable position could attract audiences and their brand will be recognized by huge target customers. It helps increase their profit and even their reputation.  
  
On the whole, the store provides not only the goods but also it bring us real experience. So we could say that people tend to shop online but stores might still be maintained and developt.
Your thesis statement is not complete. The failed to answer the question, do you agree or disagree? The last sentence of this essay should have reflected your response to the question. That is imperative since your TA score, which weighs heavily in the final scoring process, is all based upon the proof of your English comprehension skills. The thesis statement at the end of the introduction is the reflection of that assessment. While the rest of your essay is relevant to the prompt provided, you will still get a score mark down because of the incomplete prompt response at the start. You need to make sure that you clearly indicate your response to the question in the last sentence. Always review the essay prompt towards the end of your writing and make sure that your essay has responded to all the expectations of the prompt requirements.
## Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children.

  
***To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?***  
  
The media coverage of celebrities is believed to be having a negative on children. I totally agree with this opinion.  
On one hand, it has lots of drawbacks on parent's economy. Children will have the favorite celebrities in society media, which makes them think about buying many the same clothes, shoes, glasses, hats,... as famous people. However, they are too young to make a killing, they have parents to buy all things for themselves. If their family do not allow buying those, children might react negatively such as being angry, dropping out of school or swearing,...As can be seen from the reports that approximately sixty percent of this situation might have occured.  
  
On the other hand, it has negative impacts on children themselves. They might spend 4-5 hours per day surfing Internet without feeling bored or tired. Instead of studying hard, they become more and more lazy , the addition of creating a lot of habits. Unless the media coverage of celebrities is popular, the children will only concentrate on their study. For instance, they will take much time to study and hang out with their buddies. Therefore, they will become more sociable and creative if they are not neglected by media.  
  
In conclusion, with reasons above, I completely agree. Each parents should give the best advice for their children about the celebrities'effect.
Hi, I think it would be best if you could show/researched about recent studies about this kind of issue so your essay will not solely be based on your opinions alone. This way, you can have evidence or factual basis to back up what you believed in. For the grammatical purpose, you have to double-check before submitting it to your professors. I'm not a professional to give advice. This is just purely based on what I have read in your work :D Grammarly app is a huge help for me when it comes to grammar. You might want to check that out.
Hi there,  
I have some opinion about your essay. I hope it helps.  
  
1/ General comments  
  
- Your writing is considered as under length as it is only 225 words.  
- Your introduction is unclear and doesn't paraphrase the topic appropriately. You just repeated the topic instead, and you should not close the introduction with your opinion "agree or disagree". You ought to indicate **WHY** you agree/disagree because these ideas will be linked to the next paragraphs.  
  
- It's not hard to understand your opinions, however, your ideas are too general and you make it sound like you are discussing "advantages and disadvantages" essay than an opinion essay.  
  
- Your essay carries an informal tone.  
- The second main body paragraph is slightly off-topic, especially from "Unless the media.......with their buddies". It's very hard to understand your idea there.  
  
- Your conclusion doesn't conclude your ideas, but it starts a new idea: **parents' advice**  
- There are no connections between paragraphs and sentences  
- Your writing is not consistent because you sometimes show examples (main body paragraph 2), but sometimes you don't (main paragraph 1).  
- Your example should be specific and connect with the topic sentence of its paragraphs. For example (main paragraph 2)  
+ Your topic sentence: Negative impacts on children themselves => *Your example should be*: **certain figures for HOW** the topic negatively impact on a child.  
  
2/ Grammar  
  
You have some basic grammar mistakes such as spelling/ articles/ :  
+ Article: will have ~~the~~ favorite ...; surfing **the** Internet ... neglected by **the** media; etc.  
  
+ Spelling: ~~occured~~ => **occurred**, Spelling is important in all kind of tests, it will reduce your score.  
+ ~~more lazy~~  => lazier; social media  
+ **It** in the first sentence of the two main body paragraphs (it has lots of drawback/ it has negative..) should not be used here as we don't know to which "it" prefer. That's supposed to be an unclear pronoun.  
  
+ Lots of/ a lot of: informal and should not be used in academic writing.  
+ Children will ... celebrities ~~in society media~~~~, which~~  who make~~s~~ them think ... => I don't think you should use the relative "which" in this sentence because it makes the meaning different. Children will buy the same clothes as their favourite celebrities NOT the same as social media.  
  
I haven't pointed out your wrong word choices just in case you get overwhelming. However, I think you should improve your basic knowledge of grammar and understand how to answer the topic properly, and practise how to paraphrase a topic appropriately.
Points will be deducted for the missing 25 words. The TA assessment for this essay falls under a 4 at the very least. So based on the points deductions and low TA score, there is no way this work will get a passing score. You are using slang terms such as "killing" when you meant "no way to earn a living" or "do not have any money", which will show that you are not thinking in an academic manner. The overall presentation will not score well in terms of LR, C&C or GRA. Next time you write a practice essay, try to do so in an academic tone. Take the time to properly format your sentences, use proper vocabulary, and do not use special punctuation marks. Limit yourself to using periods and commas instead.
## People flocking to metropolitan regions

  
  
That people are increasingly flocking to metropolitan regions in search of appealing opportunities has driven urban areas to overpopulated zones. This trend is currently posing several distressful problems which should be identified and intervened by both goverments and individuals with specific measures.  
  
The most noticeable issue is environmental damage. As human population keeps accelerating, exhaustible natural resources continue to drop sharply. In fact, people recklessly chop down forests for wood to cater for the housing demands of a large population. Consequently, loss of trees leads to more floods which would be an obstacle for human day-to-day work. Furthermore, citizens have to face up with increased emergence of new epidemics and pandemics. Poor living conditions as well as inadequate healthcare are the conveniences for bacteria's growth and new dangerous diseases appear from then, namely cholera or respiratory infections.  
  
It is crucial that radical solutions be formulated to combat the aforementioned problems. Firstly, local authority should adopt harsher punishments for ones that deliberately do illegal logging activities. With tight policies, forests will be properly managed and protected from loggers. Another possibility is to encourage others to keep people's accommodation hygienic and make healthcare services accessible for even impoverished households. Typically, an infant definitely needs to receive sufficient vaccines to be resistant to several diseases.  
  
All in all, it is obvious that fast growing population in big cities in the world today has so far contributed to burning issues to society. Tough regulations together with healthcare services promotion are what governors and citizens can do to prevent overpopulation.
Your presentation is good but the ideas are little developed. It would be better if you learn to use the 2 body paragraphs in two ways. In this instance, you should present the topic sentence or problem as the opening sentence of the essay, then explain why this problem needs to be solved, and finally, explain what sort of solution can be presented to address the issue. You can use up to 5 sentences per paragraph to do that. Then go on to the 2nd body and do the same thing. That will allow you to present a well developed discussion for 2 example problems. You have to show a clarity of thought and understanding of the discussion through properly developed discussion paragraphs. What I am suggesting is the best way for you to approach that presentation.
Woah! The essay has way too many words in it for you to complete your response, with time to review and edit, within 40 minutes. Aim for 250 - 300 words. No more, no less if you want to be able to have time to proof read before submitting your essay for a grade. Believe me, the proof reading is imperative for ESL writers taking this test. You lack the topic statement or thesis statement at the end of your introduction. You should have indicated what your opinion will be in direct response to the prompt question. That would show that you clearly understood the topic and instructions for the essay, which in turn would boost your TA score. No more than 5 sentences for each paragraph if you please. You are not writing a research paper, you are under a time constraint here. Long essays will not guarantee a passing score because your essay still has to be scored based upon the rubic. It isn't just about vocabulary and sentence presentations. It's about how well you can quickly and properly express yourself in English.
*The internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are.  
On the other hand, it also isolates us and encourages people not to socialise.*  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree with these statements?

  
  
**IELTS Writing Task2**  
The internet provides us with connection to other people without the consideration of time or place. Conversely, it keeps the people apart from social relationship. I am convinced that the internet is an essential tool in modern life.  
  
First, the wild world web notably impacts on both education and social life. For example, using an email at school, universities, which is a way to contact between students and teachers. Students use this method of communication to send homework. Besides that, teachers use it to broadcast materials or any other things for their students. Similarly, in the business world, companies use the internet to build relationships with customers and other organisations.  
  
Secondly, the benefits of social media, networking over the internet, outweigh the drawbacks. It is evident that these websites help people to make new friends as well as keep in touch with their family whether they are near or far in the distance . in another word, they make the life more comfortable and convenient.  
  
Finally, the internet increases the opportunities for work and education in other countries. A good illustration of that, when we are looking for scholarships to complete higher education, smoothly we go to the internet and type on google what we want. Then, it brings all the available positions to us, and we can choose. Another example, when we are looking for a job, we do not need to go out and visit all the companies in the city. The only thing we do is subscribing the job websites on social media such as pages on Facebook, Instagram, Tweeter, and so on.  
  
To summerise, I can't entirely agree with this; the internet has numerous advantages and the disadvantage of it we can control by ourselves.