dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**How to Stay Calm When you Know you'll be stressed by Daniel Levitin**  
  
Daniel Levitin is a neuroscientist, and he shared his experience when he cannot go into his house because the door is locked. He decided to break the window with a large rock and came into his house. His experience inspired him to share about how to figure out a problem before this problem happens or minimise the damage. The part of brain named hippocampus is responsible for tracking the locations of important things.  
  
Many peoples have decided about its life when a problem happened. For example, when someone had a bad disease, they must decide to live in shorter life and pain-free or longer life which has a great deal of pain towards the end. When our brain under stressed it released cortisol and make some part of the brain do not function normally, and the best you can do it is think rationally.
Hey yonathan, here are my comments.  
......... experience with a locked door. A day when he was not able to get into his home because of the lock. .He decided to break the window and get inside. This incident changed his perception of solving problems even before they occur. He revealed a part of our brain is responsible for tracking the locations of important things (*I did not get this line? )*.namely hippo-campus .  
  
Most of the people make decisions when difficulties knock on their door. ........  
You need to be more concrete in your sentences, the meaning is not clear and flow is missing. Plus too many repetitive words, I tried to sort out few sentences which will give you an idea hope this helps:)
**New forms of communication has had a negative effect on their social lives.**  
  
There is no doubt that modern forms of communication transformed people's thinks and their time spend seeing friends. Athought they have own jobs, they do not have more time. But it's not so certain negative effect on their social lives.  
  
In the past, people communicated by letter or phone. They used to meet & see friends when they have leisure time or discuss more jobs. Sometimes, they do not talk together who live in far distance. But i think It's do not influence their relationship.  
  
Nowadays, we can be contact all our friend with more form of communication. Beside letter, phone.. they can use social websites such as email, messaging.  
  
As a results, our relationship are much closer. For example, in my case, everyday i spend time adding & talking with friend. I can chat and send message with friend from all over the world by my phone or laptop. In the past, it's impossible.  
  
However, still the case, people add friends more and more just as social relationship, no feeling. We should not blame modern form of communication for everything .It's our mistake. New forms of communication have led to better jobs and as a result people work more effective.  
  
In conclusion, it's difficult to agure that new forms of communication has had a negative effect on their social lives.
Hi Thuytrang  
here some suggestions for your writing  
  
... has had a negative effect on theirthe social lives. (refers to?)  
  
communication transformed people's ~~thinks~~thought  
  
They used to meet & see friends ~~when they have~~in their leisure time ~~or~~to discuss more jobs. Sometimes,  
  
they ~~do~~ did not talk together withsomeone who live in far distance.  
  
Nowadays, we can ~~be~~ contact all our friend with many~~more~~ forms of communication.  
  
Beside letter~~,~~and phone.. they can use social websites such as email, ~~messaging.~~ (is not social media with website)  
  
As a results, our relationship ~~are~~is~~much~~ getting closer.  
  
people add friends ~~more and more~~  
  
forms of communication has had a negative effect ontheir social lives.  
  
PS: you still need to know how to arrange your paragraph well and support it with strong opinion. Furthermore, your tenses and S+V agreement should be written well  
  
Best Wishes
**IELTS Task 1 : Cement And Concrete Production**  
  
The diagrams display the tools and steps to create cement in the cement production, and how the concrete is produced using cement to build a building. We can see that there are 3 steps in making cement, while producing concrete only needs one step by mixing cement with others ingredients.  
  
The first step to produce cement is materials consisting of limestone and clay are crushed using crusher then it becomes powder. Following this, the powder is entered to a mixer then pass through rotating heater. The heater is come from another equipment which produce fire. Once it has been heated, the powder bring to a grinder so that it becomes cement and it is ready to pack in bags. After that, the cement are ready to sell.  
  
Another process of cement production is concrete production. Half of the ingredient is using gravel which is small stones. Other ingredients are cement for about 15 percent, water 10 percent and sand a quarter. Finally , All the material are mixed in the concrete mixer then it becomes concrete and ready to use for building process.  
  
*
Hi Faridadwi  
Here some suggestions to improve your writing  
  
~~We can see that~~ It is obviously seen that there are 3 steps  
  
cement with other~~s~~ ingredients.  
  
~~the~~ cement ~~are~~ is ready to sell.  
  
All the materials are mixed in  
  
and ready to be used for building process.  
  
PS : Avoid repetition  
  
Cheers up
It is strongly believed that playing sports is beneficial for human life. First and foremost, playing sports every day is an effective way to keep your health. If you play sports regularly, you will have more resistance so you can avoid many diseases. For example, the scientists have proved that those who do exercises or play any sports have half as a risk to get the common cold as those who rarely do that. In addition, playing sports can help you keep fit. Playing basketball, volleyball or any sports that you must jump high, you can develop your height and consume an amount of calories so you never need to think of your weight. Last but not least, playing sports is a useful method to improve your mood. Indeed, playing football, badminton or another sport is helpful to reduce stressful for students. It also helps you have the positive emotion instead of negative emotion such as angry, boring, depressing,etc. In conclusion, playing sports is really good for our life.
Ho Chi Minh is the biggest and the most crowded city in Vietnam so at rush hours, traffic jam usually takes place, especially in the inner city. In 2015, the population of Ho Chi Minh City is 8,224 million people but its area is only 2,096 square kilometers. The rush hours in Ho Chi Minh city are about from 7am to 8am and from 5pm to 7pm. At that time, there are many motorbikes, cars, bicycles and a few of buses on the road. They travel slowly and lots of traffic police have to instruct them to travel right ways. But on the holidays, the roads are quiet and traffic jam hardly ever takes place at rush hours. The government always tries to find the best way to solve that problem but I think Ho Chi Minh City at the rush hours has become a familiar something with people live there.
Hi there Uliser...  
  
Your writing is good, but it will be much better to do some correction below..  
  
Ho Chi Minh is the biggest and the most crowded city in Vietnam. ( I prefer to separate this long sentence. )  
  
~~so at rush hours, traffic jam usually takes place, especially in the inner city.~~ People experience traffic jam at rush hours, especially in the inner city. ( a subject should be added to the second sentences, so it became like this.)  
  
... is 8,224 million people ~~but~~ its area is only ... ( I think it will be better to change "but" with "**while**")  
  
there are many {........} motorbikes, cars, bicycles and ~~a few of~~ buses on the road. ( It will be better if " vehicles such as " are added)  
  
Thanks.
The two Internet colossal collaborate to build advance capacity undersea fiber-optic cable between North America and Asia which is known as the Pacific Light Cable Network (PLCN). This cable will stretch 8,000 miles from Los Angeles to Hong Kong and will be operated in 2018. The aim of building this underwater network cable is to increase the total bandwidth available not just to the developer, but also for everyone else as well. However, Facebook and Google still have the right to control the infrastructure they depend on. As both companies grow and dominate the Internet, they are become more independent to develop their own infrastructure that actually defines it and evolving into networks that running under their control. The PLCN is the sixth undersea cable that Google has invested in.  
  
Source: wired by KLINT FINLEY
Hi Fauzan, here's another one from my end;  
  
- ~~The~~This two internet colossal  
- ~~collaborate~~collaboration to build advance  
- capacity ~~undersea~~underwater fiber-optic  
- available, not just to the developer,  
- but also for every~~one else~~single user as well.  
- they ~~are~~have become more independent to  
- actually defines it and evolving into networks that is running  
- The PLCN is the sixth ~~undersea~~underwater cable  
  
There you have it Fauzan, I hope the above remarks are still helpful to your revision. In this particular summary essay, you have managed to come up with a strong summary and you stick to the idea of the topic and this is very crucial to your essay, I hope to see more of your essays soon and keep writing.
**Advantages and disadvantages of Using Computers**  
  
A computer is a device that accepts information in the form of digitalized data and manipulates it for some result based on a program or sequence of instructions on how the data is to be processed. However, there are some advantages and disadvantages of using computers.  
  
One important advantage is that computer technology has contributed as a tool for medicine. Computers are being used to screen x-rays, enabling doctors see if patients suffer from any illness. For example, patients with brain illnesses can receive an implant that allows communication between their brain and a computer.  
  
Another benefit is that computers can be used as a great learning supporting tool. Students, for instance, can have access to all sorts of information, ranging from websites like online dictionaries to educational videos.  
  
However, computer appliance has also created some problems.  
  
These electronic brains have replaced many posts. As different tasks are performed automatically, the need for people is reduced and thus unemployment increases. This mainly happens in factories, where new machines and robots are used to solve different tasks. In those factories, computers are utilized to make products, manage companies´ budgets, do online business, and write mail.  
  
Another drawback is that their software can be affected by virtual viruses easily. There are some websites which are infected by malware and with only a click on a link the virus gets into the computer destroying not only the information stored but also the hard disk.  
  
All in all, computers have brought many hindrances in fields that affect human development. However, its extended use have helped people deal with many problems ranging from health issues to educational ones.
Hi Marcos, I hope my remarks and insights is not too late, well, before I do, I would like to WELCOME you to the forum, we a growing family and we are glad that you are part of this ever helpful and credible forum. We aim at providing you the most comprehensive and objective feedback, in order for you to enhance and get you essay ready for submission.  
  
Now, the physical presentation of your essay needs to enhanced, you can merge the 1st and 2nd paragraph, take the 3rd and 4th to be the body of your essay and strengthen the last paragraph, this will give your essay a clean cut and less confusing parts that is absolutely unnecessary to answer this prompt.  
  
Overall, you have managed to write a well written essay, your ideas are clear, straight to the point and is definitely geared towards answering the prompt. I hope to see more of your writing projects and I hope you follow through with the insights and suggestions given to enhance your essay.
The Bar chart shows the proportion of ageing population In UK in 1985 and cause forecast for 2035. Overall it can be seen despite some disparity, over the period as a whole the level of population by ageing in Great Britannia community in 1985 and prognosis in 2035.  
  
Information from bar chart in Wales 1985 completely occupier's nearly grasped 16% and in two other states England and UK proportion of Residents influence 15 %. In the same time Populace by ageing in Scotland attaining 13 %. Following this population by ageing in Northern Ireland declined sharply to 11 %.  
  
in 2035 the Bart chart give information Wales entire inhabitant's community almost reached 27 % and fewer than Scotland 25%. furthermore in three states England, Northern Ireland and UK equal total population reached 23 % .Finally the section quantity of ageing population in great Britain proliferation from 19985 while waiting for 2035
Hi Muhammad, I hope my remarks and corrections for your analysis essay is not too late.  
  
First stop, you have to make sure that when you write an analysis essay, you have to make sure that you include the graphic representation such as the diagram, the table or the chart, this will help us in providing you with a more comprehensive review. Anyhow,below are a few remarks and corrections following the English language usage.  
  
- The Bar chart shows the proportion of the ageing  
- population ~~In~~in the UK in 1985  
- and ~~cause~~the forecast for 2035.  
- Overall, don't forget to include your punctuation marks )  
- it can be seen that despite some disparity,  
- over the period as a whole, the level of the aging population  
- ~~by ageing~~ in Great Britannia community  
  
- The information from the bar chart  
- in Wales in 1985, completely  
- ~~occupier's~~occupies nearly ~~grasped~~ 16%  
- and in two other states England and UK the  
- proportion of the Residents  
  
Spell check  
ageing - aging  
  
- Following this aging population ~~by ageing~~  
  
There you have it Muhammad, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision.
**As the world becomes technologically advanced, modern machines are replacing more and more jobs**  
  
In the 20th and 21st century, thanks to the considerable development of technology and technique, robots and machines are gradually replacing to help people on their works. This replacement took a lot of benifits for human. It's easy to realize that the industies such as computer science, textile, heavy industry, medical,... or even agriculture had an excellent advancement. Its effects were undiniale.  
  
Types of intelligent robots are helping us a lot: agriculture gets higher productivity, kinds of goods are mass-produced. In medical, robotics in healthcare also impove our life: surgical procision, exoskeletons for the disable,...etc  
  
Beside the benifits it took, there were also shortcomings of its. At first, many traditional jobs as cashier, mechanic, typist,... are gradually dissappeared because the appearance of robots might replace them.  
  
It's quite hard to find a postman on the street currently. People over the world use E-mail because of the conveniences that it takes. I believe that anyone loooking at my post all own an E-mail. In my opinion, we lost something *traditional*, because we really got used to with the images of a postman roaming on the roads. Anyone who loves the king of sport: football, all knew the appearance of goal-line technology applied from 2014. It's a method used to determine when the ball has completely crossed the goal line or not. This assures for the fair between matches, but it is also lost something *humanity* from human-referees.  
  
We cannot deny the benefits of robots and developed-machines. But we have to also admit few consequences of its.
Chau, your essay tries to convey an analysis of a given topic which was not properly developed although properly understood by you. As such, the essay comes across as scatterbrained or lacking in focus. I believe that you wrote this essay using a timer so you just kept on typing without giving any though to the words that you were typing. So the misspelling of certain words ended up making your statements difficult to understand, leaving the reader to piece together that it is that you really want to say. For example that you did not mean to say "undiniale". You meant to say "undeniable." Do you see how your lack of focus on vocabulary use is a weakness when it comes to your writing? There are other similar mistakes that can be found throughout your essay.  
  
You also need to learn to use transition sentences in the final parts of every paragraph. If you do not ease your reader into the next paragraph topic, you end up with this kind of essay. Something that does not seem to have a clear direction in terms of discussion. Looking into how you can connect your paragraphs will help you create a more informative essay.
Hi Chau, as I go through the essay, I must say there is not doubt at all that you know how to write and address the prompt that you tasked to do, however, I noticed that the idea you are trying to send across to your readers did not really do well. To elaborate this observation, please find my corrections below;  
  
- In the 20th and 21st century, ~~thanks to the~~a  
- and technique~~,~~such as robots and machines  
- ~~are~~ gradually ~~replacing to help people on their works~~replace our manpower .  
- This replacement ~~took~~brought a lot of ~~benifits~~benefits to people~~for human~~ .  
- medical,~~... or~~ even agriculture had  
- an excellent use of this advancement.  
- ~~Its~~The effects were ~~undiniale~~undeniable .  
  
- ~~Types of~~The type of intelligence~~intelligent~~ robots - have are helping us a lot  
  
There you have it Chau, as you can see, there's a huge difference from the original essay to the corrected ones and I hope you follow through with the corrections.
**Do you agree or disagree with the following statement ? Children should begin learning a foreign language as soon as they start school. Use specific reasons and examples to support your idea.**  
  
Language is the key of modern world, we cannot develop only one language in nowadays. I personally agree that learning language is very useful for children when they start at school's time. In the following paragraphs I will list personal, academic and professional sides to support my idea.  
  
From the personal aspect, they faster recognize other countries' culture and they can obtain profitable experiences which they will need in life. For instance, the majority part of famous people started learning language very early as a result, they could gain their dreams and they have a lot of friends who live abroad.  
  
From the academic side, Learning language early is beneficial to increase knowledge of children. For example, one of my classmate had been learning English since the first class. In the eighth class, he was very intelligence and he could get advantageous information through the strange books. It is evident from these examples that children who know foreign language are known with their knowledge than other children.  
  
Coming to professional fact, Children can early absolve from their parents by earning money and they will easily find job if they know foreign languages. One particular decent example of this is that the majority part of employers require this type of youth. This example makes it clear that if children know foreign language, children will not have trouble on finding job.  
  
By way of conclusion, learning language in early age is very essential and it bring a lot of benefits for all these sides. I hope that every parents will have children learnt foreign language in the future as years pass.
Abdullah, your response does not make too much sense in terms of reasoning and logic. Your presentation of each reason does not really create a valid reason for your belief in the benefits of learning a language from an early age. Take for instance your discussion about learning about other cultures and gaining from that experience. I am not sure how to process your reason because you did not clearly explain how having friends in other countries or obtaining a profitable experience from this justifies early language learning. You need to better develop your reasoning skills. Even in the academic side, there is a sense of confusion when you use the term "strange books". What exactly are these books that you consider strange? I can understand how your classmate had an advantage over the others in a common sense way that does not relate to your line of reasoning. Your final reason though, is flawed as not all jobs require one to have knowledge of a foreign language in order to be employed. Unless you are seeking employment in a call center. So you should rethink that particular part of your essay and revise it as necessary. Your conclusion is acceptable enough though and is actually the only part of your essay that currently makes proper sense.
I am sad to say this but I would score you a 4 using the IELTS scoring band. The reason for such a low score as far as I am concerned, relates to your problems with developing the essay and presenting your thought process. You tried to discuss the task provided but you failed to do so in a relevant manner. It was confusing and inaccurate at some points. The ideas presented lacked coherency and a logical presentation as well. Most importantly, your lack of proper grammar made the essay difficult for me to understand as I read it. As I am sure that this is just one of your first tests, I would advise you not to worry about it. Just keep practicing and you should improve over time. Remember, gaining control or proper use of the English language happens over time. So you just need to be patient and not give up. You will definitely only get better from here.
[Correction] Language is key in the modern world, and we cannot develop ...  
Personally and i agree are basically talking about the same thing, i'd advice the use of "i strongly agree with the following statement that ..."  
  
I will give my own opinion not "i will list personal sides" and not "from the personal aspect", use "my opinion is..."  
  
be specific, don't just use "they" unless the reader wont know what exactly you are writing about.  
Languages don't recognize culture, Languages aid in identifying the culture of a person/ people form a certain country