dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## TO cultivate more brilliant people

  
  
TOPIC:  
**Some people think that all young people should be required to stay in full-time education until they are at least 18 years old.  
To what extend do you agree or disagree?**  
  
This is my answer:  
  
With the improvement of our social educational system, training more and more elite can bring stronger international competition to a certain country. Some people argue that every child should be educated till adulthood. Although education is very important to the development of society, accepting education should according to conditions of individual.  
  
On the one hand, it is national future to cultivate more brilliant people. Allowing every juveniles to obtain sufficient knowledge in order to reserve enough people to build our home. Due to one country need people with creative and intelligence who can contribute themselves to society, in this way, both the enterprises or national authorities will have more voice and competitiveness in the international stage. For example, the US have advanced education system, not only it serve to natives but it also appeal to amount of global students coming to America, which enable the USA have the most of creative companies in the world.  
  
On the other hand, not every children have enough talent to pass their courses. Because of the intelligence varied for different people, like comprehension, which prevent them to finish their studies. Furthermore, the gift to some kid maybe not in academics, but in the other aspects, which can allows them succeed in their own realm. For example, some people are stronger than others when they was born, so they can becoming a athletes, who are leave school and participate in physical training in their young age, although they might lack knowledge in academic, they still can make great achievements.  
  
In conclusion, sending children to school to obtain knowledge are beneficial to individual and our society, however, we should consider intelligence level of different people and we could send them to accept proper education.
Hello, i'll try my best to help you.  
  
Your essay is quite good, almost the idea are clear except for the introduction due to **the lack of thesis centences**. Because this is agurmentative essay, so you must add your own opinion about the problem. For instance, this topic asks "**To what extent do you agree or disagree**", you should write "In my opinion/From my point of view, despite the potential risks the pose, they does have many beneficial effects on individuals" or "I strongly agree/disagree with this statement". Thesis centences are very important for achieving higher Ielts score, especially in these kind of essay.  
  
Good luck!
@luminous  
Hi there.  
  
Welcome to the forum. Let me try to help you as well - and I hope that my feedback will be of value to you.  
  
Firstly, try to focus on creating a firmer academic tone in your writing by omitting the usage of techniques that do not benefit you. For instance, don't just mention that there are "more and more elite" - instead, use words such as *increasing amount* to add a better flow.  
  
Furthermore, the example in your third paragraph can be improved. Remember that examples are better if they are are based on concrete information instead of blatant words. Try to focus more on the usage of these information than anything else.  
  
Best of luck always in your writing endeavors.
Title: ## Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject.

  
*To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.*  
  
**My essay**  
  
In universities, the gender of the student is a hotly debated topic that divides opinions. Many people claim that we live in an age when we should strike a balance between the numbers of male and female students in every subject. But some others disagree that. In my view, I totally agree with this argument.  
  
First and foremost, we have to recognize the indispensable role of female students. The history suggests that men dominated the development of science, arts, politic, social... Despite this, we cannot deny the important contributions of women. For instance, Merry Curie was the first women scientist who received Nobel Prize for providing many scientific researches and radioactivities such as discovering of polonium, radium... Furthermore, there is an old saying:"Give me an educated mother and I will give you an educated nation". It is clear that a mother is much more emotionally attached to their children and friendlier to them than their fathers. Consequently, in family, a good woman who has high education certainly leads their kids to better study. Last but not least, the numbers of students in universities should be equally divided for male and female because this help to increase communication skills when it comes to having closer relationships with the opposite sex. In fact, research has shown that people have more chances of finding their partners to get married thankful to their university life.  
  
In conclusion, I think that male and female students should have an equal opportunity to participate in every subject in universities.
Hi @khoaminh!  
I`ll try my best to help you.  
First, your need to organise your essay in a logical way. My main suggestion is that you should write a plan beforehand. After stating your opinion, divide your reasons into at least two paragraphs with one main idea in each. This is a sample plan for your essay:  
  
Introduction: Give your opinion - Yes, they should have equal place in each subject.  
  
Paragraph 1: Main idea - Because women have been oppressed by men throughout the history.We should compensate this.  
  
Paragraph 2: Main idea - If promoted, women can make great contributions to science and other areas.  
  
Conclusion: Restate your opinion.
@khoaminh  
Hi there. Welcome to the forum. We hope that you find here the feedback you're looking for to improve your writing.  
  
Firstly, incorporate writing techniques that will help you curate more substance by clearing out unnecessarily used space in your writing. Doing this will help you add more depth to your writing as you will be able to focus on the concrete flow of your text. For instance, in your first paragraph, mention that it should be: "Many people claim that our time relies on striking a gender balance in various subjects' students." This line has more of a flow than the one you initially had.  
  
Furthermore, try to also focus on creating a direct and straightforward writing approach. Doing so will save you space. What this means is omitting unnecessary fillers in your text.  
  
Your conclusion may also be extended by adding more of your personal thoughts. Evaluate what you have written and curate an opinion on its overall effectiveness.  
  
Best of luck as always.
## Care and support for the elderly

  
  
Some people believe that the government should take care of old people and provide financial support after they retire. Others say individuals should save during their working years to fund their own retirement. What is your opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your own experience.  
  
People have different views on how to treat the elders. For some of them, they should be provided with a pension, while others are against the government regulations and think that everyone should set some money aside for their retirement. In my opinion, the government should offer financial support to retirees.  
  
There are several reasons why old people should receive the government`s care. Firstly, if the elderly have worked and paid taxes before they retire, they deserve adequate public funding. They shouldn`t be just thrown away because of the lack of productivity. Secondly, saving for retirement is not an option for the vast majority of the world`s population. For instance, in my country, a large number of people who work for low wages barely afford their living expenses. Life can become unbearable for these people, as soon as they grow old. As a result of industrialization which has a negative effect on family values, more parents are seemed to be neglected by their children. It means that their help is also to be excluded. In such cases, the government support is a matter of life and death.  
  
On the other hand, some argue that the elders who haven`t saved for the retirement may be a heavy burden to country`s economy. They believe that the government can invest in more beneficial areas instead of financing the people unable to generate any profit. In other words, saving can help the government to balance its budget. Another reason why some people consider the retirement provision crucial is the concern about free market. In their opinion, it is better to reduce state intervention as much as possible in order to enable the market to create its own care mechanisms for the older people.  
  
In conclusion, although saving can have some advantages to it, I believe that the government should take care of the elderly.
... the government should offer financial support to retirees  
The reader might have already know the prompt already so you don't need to repeat it.  
... people, as soon as ... Remove the comma.  
As a result of industrialization ~~which has ... values~~, more ... neglected by their children. The sentence in red already says the effect is negative.  
  
You can add in the third paragraph why you disagree with the opinion of the other party. Or preferably, how the problem can be fixed.  
  
Overall, your content is great but the third paragraph might convince the reader to side against your opinion.
@solivagant  
Hello. I'll do my best to provide you with writing feedback that would hopefully help you.  
  
I think that, in general, you create quite lengthy sentences. While this is alright, it can interrupt the overall flow of your writing. This can make it difficult for you to comprehend your writing because you get lost in relaying the intended meaning of the text.  
  
Try to also be more specific when you're giving out examples. Instead of saying "in my country", simply mention your country when uttering in order to create more contextual clarity.  
  
The concluding remarks can also be enhanced if you add more of a summation. Cap this off with your personal take on the matter.  
  
Best of luck in your writing as always.
DEFORESTATION AND SOLUTIONS  
  
*Desforestation caused by human activity is happening in many parts of the world, with serious results for the environment. What do you think can be done to solve this problem? Support your oppinion with reasons and examples from your own knowledge and experience.*  
  
Here what I wrote:  
  
Humans are responsible for a variety of environmental problems, especially the logging industry has been making forests all over the world vanished quickly in recent years, which has been leading terrible impacts on our environment. Finding solutions to this will not be simple but together individuals can take steps to reduce the damage that we are causing to the planet.  
  
First, the demands of products made from wood such as paper bags, furnitures, etc. cause the felling of trees. With the increase of population, the logging industry has to extend to adapt people's needs. Therefore, there are more and more trees cut down legally or illegally. In order to minimize the deforestation, people can reuse paper products. For example, paper bags can be reused several times. Recycling is another important part of being less wasteful. By recycling household and office paper, people not only reduce the demands of paper products but also throw less garbage into the environment.  
  
Second, every country should have policy to limit the forests that are allowed to exploit and encourage citizens to plant as many trees as possible. The logging industry has been bringing important interests to global economics. That is why the governments cannot prohibit the exploitation of forests. However, by controlling deforestation and covering the planet with billions of trees, humans can preserve "green lungs" of the Earth.  
  
In conclusion, to solve the problem of deforestation and its harmful effects on our environment, both national governments and individuals must co-operate together. Everyone must understand clearly that protect forests is to protect humans' lives.
@ChristineNguyen  
Hi there!  
  
I'll provide you with writing feedback.  
  
I agree on what was previously aforementioned here. I think that your writing is put-together and well-done all in all. Most of my commentaries would be centered on improving the overall dynamism of your writing.  
  
Try to incorporate the usage of writing techniques that will help you curate more substance in your writing. This includes, for instance, trying to omit the usage of unnecessary and repetitive words. If you have to, use synonymous words to at least contribute in your writing's overall flow.  
  
Remember to always bear in mind your writing's fundamental grammar appropriateness to curate a level-headed approach to writing.  
  
Best of luck as always.
## Is gaming good for kids?

  
  
**Essay: Many parents complain that computers games have no value to their children's studies. On the contrary, those online games have produced a lot of negative effects on the mental and physical development. What is your opinion?**  
  
In the modern digital age, regardless of the widespread popularity among young teenagers, computer games have confronted numerous parents' criticism of seriously detrimental impacts on their kids' development including major problems like cognitive and physical impairments. From my viewpoint, I strongly agree with the advice on limiting children's access to those harmful online games.  
  
Beyond their main purpose for human relaxation and entertainment, the fact that game players incline to suffer from the overexposure to the virtual world of online games has proved their highly hazardous addiction. More particularly, that adolescents spend many straight hours sitting in front of computer screens could spark several health problems like short sightedness or headaches possibly caused by their untold harmful radiation, obesity due to the lack of sufficient exercise and being unsociable because of fewer hours for extracurricular activities. Furthermore, several games with sexual and violent scenes should be banned for those in early childhood.  
  
This may be true to some extent because the entertaining method through computers can be beneficial to the kids' mentality after schooling. However, the misleading way of excessively getting indulged in game missions has resulted in the children's neglect of their school assignments. That they usually fail to meet their exercise deadlines not only damages their study results and face the risk of losing such preciously social relationship like friendship but also leads to unnecessary worries and disappointment of their parents. Moreover, gamers are often possible victims of cyber-bullies when they join in such a virtual world with thousands of anonymous users.  
  
From the above evidences of physiological and psychological damages, I reach the final agreement with the idea that parents having a great concern about their young teenagers' health development had better discourage their children from gaining access to this dangerous software.
@huyhihung10A  
Hi there.  
  
Let me try to provide you with beneficial feedback on your writing.  
  
You have quite a good grasp of the language already. I would suggest focusing more on portions of your text that would permit you to have more substance by moving around and rearranging a few portions to curate a heavier inflow of thoughts.  
  
Furthermore, I would suggest laying far from the usage of lengthy sentences. The meaning often gets lost in translation here because of the lack of hold over the genuine structure of the text. Focus more on capitalizing on the text's value by having a straightforward approach. If you can separate a sentence into two, the better it would be.  
  
Best of luck as always.
Please provide a feedback  
  
## MANY PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT IN ORDER TO HAVE CLEAN AND TIDY STREETS IN THEIR NEIGHBOURHOODS, THIS SHOULD BE RESIDENT'S RESPONSIBILITY, WHILE OTHERS THINK IT SHOULD BE GOVERNMENT'S DUTY. WHAT IS YOUR OPINION?

  
  
An immaculate street is a healthy sign of a developing locality, and it also has far-flung effects on a nation's aesthetics. However, the body responsible to keep the lanes of an area is a contentious issue. Some say local natives should look after the cleanliness of their sorrounding area, others believe that the governing body should take charge of the same. This essay will argue why, I think, it is essential for the latter to be the controlling figure.  
  
To embark on, the government has the authority to implement a law restricting garbage disposal on the streets. A myriad of people lacks the enthusiasm to initiate the tidiness of their near-by area and instead of cleaning a pre-existing litter, many dispose their rubbish as well on the same spot making the condition even worse. Hence, the state can create a potential ripple that is constructive as well as encouraging by implementing few laws restricting garbage disposal on roads. To illustrate, the UK government has heavy penalty for disturbing the pristine conditions of the streets, and in order to avoid such fines, people help maintain these roads.  
  
Furthermore, it is the state's job to provide the basic facilities and utilities in order to have unspoiled roads, such as, public toilets and dustbins. Although these might seem as small necessities, they play a pivotal role in maintaining the locality's spotless condition. For instance, installing garbage bins at every few yards at a walkway, reduce a native's urge to throw rubbish on street as he/she spots a bin at a near distance.  
  
To reiterate, I believe that it is the state's responsibility to keep the city spike and span. This can be achieved by taking two simple measures involving implementing a no-litter on streets law and provision of garbage collecting containers and public restrooms
@Jipsa Jadwani  
Hello there. I'll provide you with feedback on your writing.  
  
First and foremost, try to not over-bloat your sentences by adding too many filler descriptions. If you can omit these unnecessary words, you'll save tremendous amount of space in your writing.  
  
In addition, try to also incorporate more straightforward writing to create a clearer and definitive approach to your composition. Try to, for instance, in the second to last paragraph, evade linking together synonymous words as they do not add value to your writing. Try to add more dimension to your writing by focusing on substance than anything else.  
  
Best of luck with writing.
## role of museums in today's world

  
  
**Some people think museums should be enjoyable places to attract and entertain young people. Others think the purpose of museums is to educate, not to entertain. Discuss both two views and give your own opinion**  
  
In modern world, there has been much discussion revolving around the issue of whether the local authorities had better refine the initially educational function of the museums by means of additionally recreational purpose. From my perspective, I think a combination of both preferences will absolutely facilitate the youngsters' enlightenment.  
  
To begin with, museums with tremendous collection of variously historical pieces of arts, culture, science and geology as well preserved and exhibited to general public has played such an importantly everlasting role of reminiscence in historic events to disseminate human civilization and experience towards today generations. Visiting the museums, the young can not only gain educational acknowledgement with historical records but also encourage their patriotism and respect for the liberty and sovereignty the previous generation protected by scrutinizing a wide range of relics and several devastated exhibits in wartime considered as the witness of history.  
  
This may be true to some extent because museums should concentrate on representing their educational aims. However, in regard to the regretful lack of sufficient visits museums are believed to organize additionally entertaining sightseeing so as to either arouse teenagers' attention and curiosity or depict the ancient time authentically and interestingly rather than displaying antiquities boringly.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that a blend of educational and entertaining purpose will improve the indispensable role of museums in current society.
@huyhihung10A  
Hello!  
  
I'll provide you with writing feedback.  
  
Firstly, be cautious of the formatting of your words. Try to focus on enhancing the overall structure of your writing by using appropriate tenses, punctuation and preposition in your writing. Remember that these fundamentals are essential as building blocks of your writing to add more definition.  
  
Try to also not exaggerate your descriptions. Remember that this would appear more as a filler than adding depth to your writing. Focus on incorporating more terms that have substance as opposed to merely writing out. For instance, your paragraph on museums for preservation can be improved by omitting the general descriptions in the first parts to pave way for discussions in the latter parts.  
  
Keep these in mind when you write.  
  
Best of luck.
## many types of food on the market

  
  
**People can eat a wide variety of food that can be grown in other areas. As a result, people can eat more food produced in other regions than local food. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?**  
  
With more developed transports, people now can try numerous specialties from other places within a short time. This trend brings in benefits as well as drawbacks to both products and consumers.  
  
There is no denying that people can now eat many types of food, fruits, and vegetables grown from far-away regions. This helps to vary the flavor of meals. Moreover, food which is produced on farms is absolutely fresh, delicious, and has a unique flavor from those areas. Besides, consuming food from the poor countryside is a way to support their financial development. On the other hand, the disadvantages of this trend can easily be seen in the cost of food. Imported food have higher costs due to transportation fees, storage fees, and packaging fees. One more weak point is the difficulty in the storage process. Food in the transport process is in danger of being damaged.  
  
In general, both advantages and disadvantages can be pointed out from this phenomenon. However, which one has higher effects depends on your purpose of uses. It will be beneficial if you focus on the original tastes. In contrast, if what you are concerned about is staying on budget, cheap-priced food with similar quality is the best choice.  
  
To conclude, whether using food produced from your regions or other places both have good and bad sides. Depending on your usage, you will choose a way to maximize the benefits.
@Krystal318  
Hi there.  
  
I hope you are doing well with your writing. Let me provide you with feedback on this composition.  
  
Try to be cautious of the tenses of verbs. Focus on utilizing more advanced techniques when it comes to verbalizing your opinions. Try to expound your thoughts in a well-mannered way wherein you are able to incorporate a significant amount of depth in your writing.  
  
Try to also use techniques that will allow you to curate thoughts with more substance. For instance, in your second paragraph, you could say: "It is indubitable..." - this formatting paves way to save space on your writing.  
  
Best of luck as always.