dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## **What are the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad?**

  
*Use specific reasons to support your opinion*  
  
When we are talking about getting knowledge, it is clear that every once in a while, students need to go elsewhere in the world to find it, whether it is overseas, or some country in their region. But of course, everything has, and this has as well, plenty of advantages and disadvantages. So, our task is to set forth both sides of studying abroad.  
  
On the other hand, we can study abroad, which is appropriate for someone who wants to become more independent. There are plenty of reasons for that. It might be possible that in early life, as a kid, students were bullied by their parents and he or she just want to run from all the mess and try to find peace studying far away from his or her family, and it is quite possible and justified.  
  
In the majority of cases, people go somewhere else for better knowledge. It is well known that western countries such as France, the USA, UK, etc. have the best universities, professors which can enlarge student's working experience, and above all, become independent, self-esteemed...  
  
But it has got to be said, studying far away has some disadvantages. For instance, you grow up as a teenager without parents. Parents advice life. I know from my point of view, how much my dad's tips for success helped me in life.  
  
Besides that, studies are long term, and for four or five years you will become a stranger in your county, which is an absolute truth. Beyond all, parents are at the biggest loss, because they are losing their kids in which they sacrificed their lives and money, they just go away and never come back. Students usually, after finishing university, get a job, and if they are abroad, stay there, and don't want to repatriate.  
  
In conclusion, whichever decision students choose, studying at home or abroad has disadvantages and advantages. It is just an individual case. Sometimes it is good, and sometimes it is not, but it is on us to decide what to do with a time that is given to us.
Well, I would like to give you some of my thought about your writing.  
1st paragraph: instead of using "So,..", it is better to change into "Therefore,..." because "so" cannot be at the beginning of the sentence.  
2nd paragraph:- you can change "plenty of" into "numerous, a fair number of, various, a variety of,..." instead.  
- "in early life" is no sense -> "in the early age"  
- the following idea "in early life...." may be can rewrite better: "... so they just want to run from... and try to find their own independence by studying abroad."  
  
3rd paragraph: - "majority cases"  
4th paragraph: you shouldn't use "you" in your essay, it is informal and amateurish  
- "From my point of view, I am really pf the opinion that, Personally,..." Not use "I know..." as it is a speaking style.
349 words in 40 minutes? Not bad. However, are you sure that you kept within the prompt discussion parameters within all the paragraphs you wrote? This is a 4 paragraph essay.  
  
Your discussion is overboard. You are not focused on a simple explanation of the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad. Your GRA scores will suffer because you use connecting words like "because" to start your sentences. You offer confusing run-on sentences in several paragraphs which leave the reader wondering what you are trying to say, resulting in several readings of the same paragraph, which is stressful for the reader and will lower the GRA score even further. You do not rally develop all of the explanations in a believable and clear manner. You over discussed but accomplished nothing because your overall presentation does not have a clear point.  
  
The essay also separates from the original discussion topic several times. Specifically in paragraphs 4 and 5. These are irrelevant discussion points. You got so caught up in your writing that you forgot to ensure that your discussion stayed on track. As such, these paragraphs will not help to increase your score, it will only lower it. Focus on the clarity and relevance of your writing next time. Stay on track.
## **In some countries people spend long hours at work.**

  
*Why does this happen? Is it positive or negative development*  
Nowadays, the world is more and more rapidly developing, which leads to a busy life to devote to the process growth. People of some countries often have the trend of spending lots of hours working. Although this could bring many advantaged to society and development all over the world, there are various existences of disadvantages.  
  
At first, the reason is that people early recognize the importance of development, integration, potential opportunities, etc in the modern era. This can help them touch special dreams that I have never seen before. Everyone always has a desire to devote and set up a valuable world. Therefore, they try the best by working hard and spending more time.  
  
On the one hand, the harder and more productive people work, the more the living standard could be enhanced. They take a huge role to contribute to the improvement in plenty of sectors. For example, scientists usually work day and night to create useful inventions and innovations that help human's life become effortless to get access to the new world. Thereby, applying the achievement as a background, we can go further, the living standard would be no longer what people pass down from generation to another one.  
  
On the other hand, when the job takes too much time, the lack of balance would obviously appear. Some people even do not have free time for family, relatives, and themselves. Definitely, the relationships turn out to be out of side, out of mind. The emotion would be drought then people gradually become self-contained, avoid to have the communication with others. Besides, this can result in mental illness and damage deeply to the healthy. So, we should arrange a suitable time to equalize the life.  
  
In conclusion, because of the importance of the world development, people work day and night. Although this could improve the living standard, the imbalance in life is also a problem.  
  
I realized that my essay is now too long, can you give me a cure?
## The consequences of an economic progress

  
  
Nowadays, a lot of nations think that by using economic progress, they can reach their standard goal. However, while economies are developing, many life values are forgotten as a consequence. I believe there are more benefits than the drawbacks of this development.  
  
One of the main disadvantages is because sellers focus too much on profits, they tend to trade fake items with high prices for customers. Therefore, as we can see that people are taking the reliability from each other, covering our society of lies and dishonesty. Furthermore, families are also long-lasting affected. Employees including parents, sons, daughters may overlook the true value of family. They work for the income and the economy the whole year, but rarely get along with their family.  
  
Nevertheless, boosting economy can restore life quality. It can make a dramatic decrease in figures of unemployment, crime, illiteracy, etc, improve countries' infrastructure and facilities such as roads, schools, hospitals,... For example, Danish and Norwegian said that they were more delighted than others because their social welfare was awesome. Moreover, many environmental problems can be solved, if economies develop. Countries' budgets might grow, in other words, there may be more money to invest in environmental science projects. For instance, one government has sent an amount of money for the nation's laboratories. There, scientists have used it wisely to create materials and products which are friendly with the ecosystem.  
  
In conclusion, economic progress might expand the invisible wall between everyone, make this life full of treating and boring work. While this boosting can rebuild humans' lives and our lovely Earth. In my opinion, economic development has more positive results than negative consequences.
I would change a bit the wording of the sentences. To be more specific:  
...nation's think that economic progress can enable them to reach their goals  
...disadvantages is because sellers focus too much on-> is the fact that sellers...  
but rarely get along with their family-> and they rarely spend time with their family  
make a dramatic decrease in figures of unemployment-> it can dramatically decrease unemployment... ratesi  
infrastructure and facilities such as roads, schools, hospitals,-> I would omit the word facilities  
friendly with the ecosystem-> environmentally friendly
Without the exact original prompt I cannot judge your response for accuracy. Kindly remember to post the prompt next time for a more accurate review of your essay. I am not sure about the relevance of life values to the economic discussion. Is that a part of the original prompt? It does not appear to be a part of the original presentation. Or perhaps you forgot to represent it in the discussion outline? Again, the existence of the original prompt would have helped considerably in reviewing your work.  
  
One of the glaring punctuation errors that I see in this essay is your use of ellipses and a comma. You cannot use 2 punctuation marks successively. You can only use it one at a time. In this case, use a comma but not the ellipses. That is because the 3 successive dots are used only in casual English writing, never in academic writing. You need to better develop your paragraphs. Try to explain your examples in the paragraphs instead of just giving discussion topics with little explanation development.  
  
I am unable to further review your essay at this point due to the lack of prompt presentation. I am just giving you a simple review at this point as I am uncertain about how to treat this essay discussion. If you provide the prompt, I can give you a better review next time.
**In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough.  
What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?**  
  
There has been an ongoing debate in different cultures on the benefits ans drawbacks of the message telling children they can accomplish anything if they work hard enough. From my perspectives, everything has good and bad sides, but in this case, the advatages completely outweigh the disadvantages because this message could act as motivation the children.  
  
Regarding the merrits, this is considered a way to encourage our kids to be more confident and belief in their ability. In most situations, children tend to be afraid of failure, telling them this message will help them build more trust and work harder to make every effort in everything they do. Moreover, once children can achieve something they want ,they will possibly become more eager and try to aim at a bigger goal in the future. This motto will gradually become their mindset and help them to climb the ladder to success in their career in the latter life.  
  
Considering the disadvantages, this belief might grow our children's desire and greed bigger and make them want to strive for something out of their reach. Without considering carefully their ability, our children might struggle to accomplish and in the end fail to succeed, which discourages them to set a goal in the future. On the contrary, being told to work hard enough too many times ,especially the time when children fail to obtain satisfactory results, they might think of themselves as useless for not being able to do anything in right way. Therefore, they might feel the pressure to achieve something in order to content their parents.  
  
In conclusion, this message actually leaves positive effect on our children so this method shoul be included in parenting.
Hi @hangnguyenn,  
For my level as a learner, I found your ideas easy to follow and well-developed.  
However, I did realize some mistakes such as typos or grammatical issues. Here are some that I found.  
  
"the benefits **ans** drawbacks" -> and  
"the **advatages** completely outweigh the disadvantages" -> advantages  
"this message could act as **motivation the children**." -> motivation for the children  
"Regarding the **merrits**" -> merits  
"to encourage our kids to be more confident and **belief** in their ability" -> believe (v) instead of belief (n)  
" which discourages them **to set** a goal in the future" -> from setting (I think it is more appropriate)  
"for not being able to do anything **in right way**" -> the right way or right ways  
"in order to **content** their parents" -> sastify  
"this message actually leaves **positive effect** on our children so this method **shoul** be included in parenting" -> positive effects / should  
  
I think paying more attention to details will help you improve your score.
**Writing task 2:  
*Some people say that sports play an important role in society. Others, however, think that it is nothing more than a leisure activity.*  
## Discuss both views and give your own opinion.**  
  
From the beginning of civilization, sports already have been a symbol of physical power, intelligence, wisdom. While some people argue that sports play a pivotal role in our society, others believe that it is only daily activity. This essay will shed light on both sides of those arguments and provide my perspectives.  
  
On one level, for the long history of humans, sports are always the inherent part of a competition among people. In the ancient era, numerous sports contests were organized for people who want to get rewards. Those not only generate the golden opportunities for them to show off performance, create a reputation, but also attract the king who always wants to recruit the strongest army for empires. In the modern era, getting gold medal in an international contest also represents the power and image of the nation compared to other countries, especially in terms of football.  
  
From another angle, sports are leisure activities for several reasons. In the era in which technology, science become the most important, the role of sports no longer powerful compare to the past. Furthermore, nowadays, the evaluation system to judge the value of people also change lead to sports become low potential.  
  
In my opinion, Sports are beneficial for every people. First, an ordinary person who plays sports as a leisure activity could boost their health, refresh their mental health, and avoid various diseases. Second, organizing sports contests, particularly in king sport like football, is one of the optimal choices for organizers to earn profit.  
  
In conclusion, while vast myriads of views about the role of sport in our societies, I suppose that without the support from sports, the human being communities are lost an essential puzzle piece of their life.
Dear @jacky99, here are some of my comments on your essay. I hope it useful to you.  
  
For the second paragraph, I expect to see more perspectives which make sport held an significant role in society other than creating national images or showing off the power. For example, you can add its role as a tool to connect people who are fans of sports and to improve national solidarity and patriotism. I also feel confused about the part "but also attract the king who always wants to recruit the strongest army for empires" as there is no context for it.  
  
For the third paragraph, I think there is a problem with your topic sentence. The idea here is discussing "sport is **nothing more** than a leisure activity" so you should stick to that idea.  
  
About the part showing your opinions, I did not clearly see which ideas you support, the former or the later. I have the feeling that some of your points are off the topic.  
  
I hope my thoughts are useful to you. I am learning for the test too so I hope we all can improve our writing skills.
You are over reaching in your reasoning paragraphs. You need to stay within current events and explanations. While your knowledge of ancient history is admirable, you won't win any extra points for the unrelated discussion presentation. The sports discussion has nothing to do with ancient warrior selection so, it would be best to avoid such references. The second part of that paragraph is more relevant to the discussion and would have provided you with a better connection between that discussion paragraph and the next one. This is a consideration that examiners use under the C&C scoring consideration. How well do you connect reasoning 1 with reasoning 2? Is your transition sentence believable? The clearer and well developed your explanation, the better.  
  
The second reasoning paragraph is very little developed. It is confusing to read, does not offer a clear connected discussion from the previous paragraph to the next, and does not offer an expanded explanation of the second point of view. The same situation also exists in your personal opinion paragraph. You need to learn to develop balanced and related discussion topics within 3 presentation paragraphs. Your conclusion is the worst. It does not follow the 3-5 sentence reverse paraphrase format. It is only a clear run on sentence that does not consider the previous discussion points seriously before concluding the essay. It seems like you suddenly realized you ran out of time while writing and wrapped up the essay presentation in a rush. Give the same thought and care to the concluding presentation as you did the discussion paragraphs. That is another way to increase your score in the end.
## Couple global or multiple local languages?

  
  
**Learning English at school is often seen as more important than local languages.If these are not taught, many are at risk of dying out.  
  
In your opinion, is it important for everyone to learn English? Should we try to ensure the survival of local languages and, if so, how?**  
  
Recently, there has been an on going debate on whether learning English is as important as learning local languages and should we make effort to preserve the existence of local languages. From my perspectives, English as well as local languages plays a crucial part in many aspects in the near future.  
  
English has its own reason to become a compulsory subject at school. Mastering English, students can increase their chances of further education as they wish to study aboard. It can also improve students' job opportunities in the future career. Moverover, English plays an important role in globalization. In the near future, sections such as the world's economy or cultural exchange will mainly used English as a means of communication between countries.  
  
However, it does not mean that local languages are no longer necessary to learn. We should ensure the survival of these languages to maintain cultural diversity.. Additionally, these languages are still part of some community in the world. In order to save these languages from extinction, we could publish books or make documentaries about the local languages and the government should make these languages a compulsory subject at school too.  
  
In conclusion, English and local languages have the same importance in the language education as well as cultural diveristy and globalization
Firstly, i'm not sure that 2 points are given to debate or discuss, they seem to be to find out the solutions for this issue. And in your opinion, you should express your idea specifically for both the questions required. In the second paragraph, the topic sentence claimed something quite different from the importance of learning English and definitely not related to the requirement.  
  
Moreover, your examples that you use to convince seem to be failed because after you give them, you did not explain their advantages or interpret obviously.  
  
Additionally, your vocabulary and grammar are also needed to improve.  
Hope that you will try harder to get the goal.
It will not be useful for me to review your paper beyond your prompt paraphrase errors. The essay isn't going to get a passing score anyway. Why? The minimum word requirement for the Task 2 essay is 250 words. You wrote only 213 words. That will result in a significant word percentage deduction that will prevent you from achieving a proper passing score overall for this presentation.  
  
Your prompt paraphrase did not accurately respond to the discussion questions outline. You were asked if it was important for everyone to learn English, you did not respond to that question. You were also asked if the survival of other local languages should be ensured and how it should be done. You did not respond to that question either. Yes, you provided a response to 2 questions in your restatement. Unfortunately, these were the wrong answers because you were not answering the right questions. You created a prompt deviation for the 2 questions, which would result in your response being unrelated to the task in the TA section. This error would further ensure a failing score for your presentation.
Topic:  
  
***The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer.  
The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English home.***  
  
## Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

  
  
My essay:  
  
The line graph compares the daily amount of electricity was used in winter and in summer of England, and the pie chart illustrates how four different uses of electric power are used in a typical English home. The pie chart illustrates how electricity power was used for four different ways in a typical English home.  
  
It is clear that more power was used in winter than in summer. The electricity used for heating rooms and water is the highest among all of the four categories. The daily electricity demand for winter, about 30,000 to 45,000 units, is approximately twice as that for summer, which is between 10,000 and 20,000 units.  
  
According to the line graph, in winter, English uses the most power, reaching over 40,000 units, on 22nd hour. While in summer, the line reaches its peak barely at 20,000 units, which is on its 14th hours. However, the lowest units for winter are slightly over 30,000 units and for summer are about 14,000 units, and both of them fall on similar hours, 8th and 9th respectively.  
  
Looking at the pie chart, in an average English home, we can see that they used over half of the electricity, 52.5%, on heating rooms and water. The other uses are all for electrical devices, 17.5% of power using are for kitchen facilities, such as ovens, kettles, and washing machines, and 15% for each of the other two categories: lighting, TV, and radio, and vacuum cleaners, food mixers, and electric tools.  
  
*   
*line graph*
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*pie chart*