dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
@gabby12345 : I am also practising writing for the IELTS. There are some comments on your essay from my point of views, hope they can help.  
  
1. your topic sentence in the introduction mentioned that " you still believe that detaining criminals in jail is the most effective form of punishment." so I think that you should focus on protecting your topic sentences : 2-3 reasons why putting criminals in jail is the most effective one,  
  
2. your conclusion is some not clear out the topic sentence  
  
3. it's an academic essay so I think it is unsuitable to write something like as life has been given by the Lord, it is also up to Him to decide when and how to take it bad.  
  
4. On the other hand, you have used a wide range of vocabulary and grammatica structure. Good job then
Hi @gabby12345 , I have read your whole essay, as such there are several suggestion for you:  
1. Pay attention on grammar, in particular on article using. Even it is a little mistake, it could be reducing your score in gramatical range and accuracy.  
  
2. Try to avoid misspelling in your essay to make it perfect :  
will take time to be proved as something ~~effecient~~ **Efficient**  
  
3. Keep in your mind that the good paragraph has at least three sentences, that is why, you should applied it in the second paragraph in order to make it perfect.  
  
4. In conclussion, you need to paraphrase your thesis statement to figure out the conclusion. However, I personally think that your writing is good as you have got the basic pattern in writing the essay.
**Children in some parts of world have less responsibility compared to children in the past. Some people think this is a positive change. However others think of it as negative change. What is your opinion?**  
  
## less demands toward kids

  
  
It is undeniable that children's responsibility today decline rapidly compared to children in the past. Some people believe that this trend is positive change, while others argue that such trend is negative one. However, i strongly believe in the latter opinion who argue that the declining of children responsibility today is negative because it is important skill that student need in their live, whilst the declining of children' responsibility will bring negative impact on their country in the future.  
  
To begin with, the importance of responsibility for children in their earlier age is that it will make their life easy and well-organized. Responsibility is needed to organize their life in so many aspects such as in the school. As a student, children have to responsible in their assignment. Educationalists argue that students who have high responsibility have a better performance in the class than other who do not have that. They also tend to finish all their assignment punctually. By this judgment, it is clear that the responsibility will help children live.  
  
However, the alteration of responsibility in the children in several countries has risky impact for their country in the future. Irresponsible children today will become apathetic adult in the future. Since child irresponsible one has unorganized lifestyle. It is because they cannot manage their time and their responsibility well. In the future, if they keep such habit till they are adult, they will become crime agent. As a result, more crime will be faced by country and it will be more and more increase if the irresponsible people occupy it.  
  
All in all, in my point of view, there is no positive effect of children who lack of responsibility. It is because responsibility is considered as a predominant skill which can lead people become useful one in the future. I think if the parents do not emphasize the important of responsibility for their children, their children will bring harmful effect on their country and their selves.
Would you like to give me your correction for my essay?  
I highly need your help to find my mistake, not only grammar, but also the idea.  
Thank you so much :)  
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Further study most popular among graduates  
  
The diagram compares the numbers of UK's graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work after they had been graduated by university in 2008. The destination of these students, excluding full-time work, could be grouped as part-time work, voluntary work, further study, and unemployment.  
  
Generally, there is a significant difference among those four group in each kind of students. For graduate students, further study had the greatest quantity of students nearly 30.000 students, while voluntary work only ranked last, chosen by 3.500 students. Unemployment taken by 16.235 students was roughly as high as part-time work which was 17.735 students.  
  
Postgraduate students also selected further study as their most destination which took 2.725 students while part-time work was just below it, 2.535 students. Unemployment was in the third with 1.625 students meanwhile voluntary work ranked last, 345 students.  
  
There was a same pattern between graduate and postgraduate student destination in no full-time work that the order from the highest to the smallest destination was further study, part-time work, unemployment, and voluntary work, nevertheless, there was also a different thing. The quantity of part time work of graduate students was near to that of unemployment. For postgraduate students, the numbers of part-time work was just over smaller than that of further study.  
  
*
Hi, Ardy.  
  
There are two charts (diagrams) and they don't compare anything. You are the one who's comparing them, so I think "The diagram compares" in first paragraph needs to be revised.  
  
As for this sentence:  
  
"Generally, there is a significant difference among those four group in each kind of students."  
  
I don't see how your second and third paragraph explain this "significant difference".  
To me, they seem only stating the number of students for each destination.  
What is the difference exactly? I suggest to consider the similarities first, then find the differences. State the differences in concrete examples so that you can write paragraphs about each diffirences.
Rista, the comparison method that you used throughout the essay is the best presentation that I have seen so far of this essay topic. You have clearly analyze the information and presented it in a manner relevant to your chosen discussion within the paragraphs. I will say that though your grammar is not perfect, you did manage to make your presentation more understandable than most to the reader. I have a piece of advice for you. Do not us the term "nevertheless" in a continuing sentence. That term is always used to start a comparison presentation. In this instance, I did not see any comparison following the use of that word so it was misused in the essay. You also should never have a stand alone sentence as you do in this sentence. You must always present complete paragraphs of related discussions otherwise you will get marked down immensely for technical instead of content errors. Based upon this observation, I believe that your essay can be reviewed and considered for a score of 5 overall.
Hi @ardy\_rp , Hi @mandyduong , I have read your writing task carefully. This then several suggestions for you:  
1. Plis pay attention on article using because it can affect on your lexical resource also:  
work after they had been graduated ~~by~~ **from** university in 2008.  
  
2. Pay attention on the way you compose each sentence in a proper way. It seems to me that there are several sentence with inappropriate structure then makes me confuse as a reader. For instance in the first four sentence in paragraph 4 line 2-4.  
  
3. Keep in your mind that the good paragraph has at least three sentences, that is why, you should applied it in the second paragraph in order to make it perfect.  
  
4. Learn more about 'phrasal verb' to boost your score in lexical resource and use uncommon vocabulary to get a high score in this category.
**In general, people do not have such a close relationship with their neighbours as they did in the past.  
Why is this so, and what can be done to improve contact between neighbours?**  
  
## Bonds between people are not so tight like it was before

  
  
Neighbor plays an important role in our life, whereas a good neighbor can bring benefits and a bad one can make your life miserable. Having said that, in modern society, we have become more and more isolated, having far distance from the neighborhood. In the following essay, I am going to discuss the reasons and the alternative method to improve the relationship.  
  
One of the main reasons is that the change of family structure. In the past, an ordinary family usually includes three generations, from grandparents to grandchildren. However, with the low birth rate, the average population in a family in Taiwan, according to the latest demography, is less than three people. In such premise, the demand for the living place transfer from a house to an apartment. Therefore, the less amount of people live in a rather smaller place, making an isolated form of living.  
  
The other reason may cause the cold relationship between neighbors is the widespread use of high technology. Nowadays, technological gadgets are ubiquitous; people can communicate with others without face to face, by using the APP in mobile device, spending more time on virtual world than reality. Those high techs seem to bond the connection between people though, the real interaction are dying away.  
  
In order to improve the link between neighbors, I suppose that the administration of a community can often held various activities, not only festival celebrations but also some educational types, attracting the residents to participate in. Via these activities, whole community can strengthen the identify, and the concept of "neighbor" is not "the person who living next to you" anymore.  
  
The ignorance of neighbors reflects an indifferent society. By giving more concerned toward our neighborhoods, we can make a warm world.
Hello,  
I have read your essay and I think your writing is great and your ideas are logical  
However there are some parts that needs to be fixed.  
The first one is your conclusion which I found missing from your essay. Your conclusion should cover all the ideas more than what you have written in the end of your essay.  
  
The next one is in your second paragraph. I think it will be better if you explain more about the relation between living in apartment and isolated form of living. Because as we can see in this paragraph, you explain more about the relation of family structure and living in a smaller place, while the aim is to describe the reason why people are not close to their neighbor anymore or in your definition, isolated form of living.  
  
I think that is all, thank you. keep it up!
**More and more people prefer to read e-books rather than paper books. What are the reason for this? What problem can this cause for libraries?**  
  
## Issues with electronic paper

  
  
In this world where the technological advance is rampant, many people are extremely helped because it can make people easy to work. Taking E-book as example that people use and by time the star up to leave the printed book, I believe that it happen because is more simplicity use E-book than paper book, as an effect it can make the library lack of visitor and by time, it will be not useful for people.  
  
One of causes that people left the paper book and preferred to read e-book is the easier to access by people through the advanced modern communication technologies such us in gadget so it can opened wherever and whenever people want. For Example, Nimra is my friend who downloads many geographic e-books from Internet when she will go to overseas. She preferred to do it than bring her handbook which is heavier. This is the reason why people slightly overlook the printed book.  
  
When people actually leave the paper book, it can make some affect for library, one of them reduced the visitor in the library as result it become extremely quiet place. A 2008 survey result that the member of library has gone down 85% each year after many e-books is published in the internet. Seeing this fact, it really damage for library in the future. I personally believe that it is bad news for Library in the world.  
  
In conclusion, even though the simplicity of e-book make many people tend to be used it than conventional book it make demerit effect for library which lost their visitor. I predict that if the Library does not get solution to solve this problem, it will make the library missing it function and only memories in the future.
I have read your essay and I think it is easy to understand. it also has a good flow for readers. however there are some sentences that will be better if used correctly due to the grammar and its effectiveness  
  
- I believe that it happen because is more simplicity use E-book (I believe that it is happened due to its simplicity for using Ebook)  
- so it can opened wherever (so it can be opened wherever)  
- even though the simplicity of e-book make many people tend to be used it than conventional book it make demerit effect for library which lost their visitor (Even though the simplicity of Ebook makes people tend to use it more than conventional book, it brings demerit for library which is losing their visitors)  
  
I think that is all, I believe you can do better next time. keep it up!
**Children in some part of the world have less responsibility compared to children in the past. Some people think this is as a positive change, however others think of it as a negative change.**  
  
## Difference in requirements for children

  
  
In the past, children have several responsibilities to do, they do not only focus to study but also they must help their parents to earn money in order to fulfill their necessity. In contrast, children today do not have responsibility as much as they did in the past. In my point of view, this is a positive change as children will focuse to only study in their childhood.  
  
Ideally, children have responsibility to build up their knowledge when they were children. This is because they have to looking for their own self, in particular their strength and and weakness. By reducing responsibility, it will provide a wide time for them for finding their own interest and talent to improve in the next time. I will be emphasize that study is not just about learn in cognitive way, but also in psycomotoric and afective aspect too.  
  
Another reason regarding this, is relating the fact that reduction of children activity indicates that their parents have done their own responsibility for covering the necessary of their family in all aspect, either on financial, or social aspect. As such, It is true that this condition is a positive change for children.  
  
Taking everything into consideration, less responsibility of children can make student focuse to their study because they did not have any distrubtion to ignore their lesson. This also appears the fact that parent has done their job in a proper way. Moreover, student just use this chance to benefit their self by ensuring that they are realy study in the whole of time provided.
@Anhy  
I will give you some feedback  
  
in particular their strength and ~~and~~ weakness  
study is not just about learn in cognitive way, but also in ~~psycomotoric~~  and ~~afective~~ *psychomotor and affective*  
.....children will ~~focuse~~ to only study in their childhood. ........ less responsibility of children can make student ~~focuse~~ **(focus)**  
  
they did not have any ~~distrubtion~~ **(distrubtion)** to ignore their lesson  
they are ~~realy~~**(really)** study in the whole of time provided  
  
*pay attention with your spelling*  
  
a ~~wide~~ time ("wide" is not collocation with "time", you can use long time)
***More and more people prefer to read eBooks rather than paper books.  
What are the reasons for this?  
What problems can this cause for libraries?***  
  
## Libraries versus technology

  
  
In this advancement technological era, we can do everything easily, including accessing electronic-based information. One of trends today is people tend to red electronic book rather than printed one. This is because the accessibility provided by eBooks is easier than another one. Unfortunately, such trend bring demerit to the library which is rare to visit now.  
  
Accessibility is the major reason why people more likely to use electronic book. Readers can easily access and read the book by hand-held devices such as laptop, mobile device, or gadget wherever and whenever they want. I see my friend who is a nerd, and he prefer read electronic novel throughout his gadget. He told has ever told me that the way he read is cheaper than buy paper book. He feels more convenient with that reading habit since he can bring the books without any space and bag, but only bring in his phone. Even If has leisure time, he will immediately read his electronic book. From my friend's story, it is clear that easy access is the predominant factor of eBook trend.  
  
However, the electronic book trend leads readers to be far from the library. Most readers in getting their favorite book rely on the library in the past, but they can access directly now by the phone if the publisher provide eBook version. So if it happens, the reader will stay on their room and read the electronic one rather than printed book. The lest survey in Habibi Library, one of the biggest libraries in my cities, reveals that since eBook were introduced several years ago, the number of visitors in this library become less and less. The librarian also said that, visitors only come there if they look for a book that did not publish with electronic version. So then, the popularity of library become more and more reduce in the public.  
  
In conclusion, it is clear that eBooks have become popular since its appearance and allow people to access it easily. It becomes popular trend for the reader today due to its easy access. Sadly, the popularity of library in the public is degraded by eBooks.
Hello again mr @agus\_mono  
Overall you conducted passage was good. But in some part for using vocabulary not appropriate such as more likely >> high likely.  
Second this sentence **He told has ever told me**that the way he read is cheaper than buy paper book. >> he believed e-book is cheaper than printed books.  
  
Every each paragraph you clearly put good pattern an give coherence example which is good.  
Less grammatically wrong and i believe you may get by over 6.5 :)  
Good luck
## Bricks for build purpose - manufacturing process

  
  
The diagram describes how bricks are created by manufacture industries. This process consists of six steps, which the main material such as clay were taken from nature and all process help by machines. As result the brick is ready to deliver and can be apply for building structure.  
  
In the beginning clay was collected by digger and sent in trough metal grid in purpose to separated undesirable materials and fall direct to roller. Secondly clean clay being mixture by added sand and water to produce wet dough of clay. Next steps dough size is measured by using wire cutter, after it to give the brick's shade, dough was pressed inside mold.  
  
Move to further steps the wet bricks are placed into drying oven for maximum three days. After half dried it move to kiln room for set the brick. There are including three stages, the first one with moderate temperature, second the highest degree between 870o - 1300o C and last but not least bricks are placed at cooling chamber for minimum a couple day or 48 - 72 hours. When the brick set they move into packaging and ready deliver to destination.  
  
*
@Diahkn93  
several problems relating to grammatical error were found after reading your essay. you have to pay more attention on it. firstly, i cant found your overview, it may as you did not use adverb which emphasize your overview. 'overall' is a common word to show your overview. it is important because you can not get more than five if you don not so.  
  
turning to the body paragraph one and two, i think there is over-use of connector, so sometimes the reader can not follow your flow. you may need more practice in this such question.
**More and more people prefer to read eBooks rather than paper books. What are the reason for this? What problem can this cause for libraries?**  
  
## Different ways to read

  
  
It goes without saying that the improvement of technology has influenced on people live. Thus, it also relating to the recent condition that preference of people to read electronic books has been raising by the time. This then reducing the number of reader on using printed books. Based on the flexibility reason, I tend to support this notion. However, the lack of visitors can affect on libraries.  
  
People tend to search the more accessible way to fulfill their necessity. Likewise on the way people getting an information through reading nowadays. E-books as a new sort of reading information is very flexible in use because people can use it in every condition, everywhere, and everytime as long as the devices to suppot it still avalaible. Thereby, people do not need to bring the printed book in their bag to search information they need.  
  
However, the most obvious problem appears to this condition is the lack of libraries visitors. This gap is inevitable on almost libraries. The recent research in 2017 shows that the number of visitor in big five libraries in Malaysia reckons a significant decrease by 40 %, this is because readers tend to read ebooks rather than spend their time in library. Moreover, this decreasing number of visitors affecting to the reducing number of books lent by them.  
  
All in all, E-books offers the flexibility for readers. That is why people tend to search information on this form frequently rather than paper books. Nevertheless, this condition has affected om the reducing number of libraries visitors.
@Anhy  
  
Thus, it also relating to the recent condition **that** preference (...) books has been ~~raising~~ (risen) by the time. (pay attention with Subject & verb agreement)  
  
devices to suppot it still avalaible. (be careful with spelling)  
  
Moreover, this decreasing number of visitors affecting to ...(pay attention with Subject & verb agreement) *I think in this sentence there is not verb*  
  
E-books ~~offers~~ (offer)
I have read our essay clearly and still found several mistakes.  
you have pay attention on using inappropriate word, for example'*improvement of technology*', it is correct grammatically but better if you said '*the advancement of of technology'*. Several problems is also found on your structure, like in the second sentence of the first paragraph, there is no verb there. so you may focus on your sentence structure if you want to use complex or compound sentence. finally, you have to pay attention on your grammatical accuracy to boost your score.  
  
*E-books as a new sort of reading information*, pay more attention in this sentence, in my perspective, it difficult to understand. i think eBook si not method of reading but one of media. *you may say reading trend.*