dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Writing Task I (November 3, 2016)**  
  
The charts describe the results of questionnaires about employee relationships with their managers and colleagues in workplace after five years gap in 2005 and 2009. Overall, both of pie charts show that "very good" is the most choices of employees as the description of their relationships towards their managers and peer-workers and had been slightly increased over the years in 2005 and 2009.  
  
Based on the grouping of pie charts first type which describes of relationships between employees and their managers had shown that there are less 10 % of employees who give answers "fair" and the employees who not have managers has been fewer in 2005 with 1% than in 2009 with 5 % after had increased by 4 %. Almost the answers of employees around on extremely "very good" choices which had been steadily above 60 % since in 2005 until 2009 %.  
  
Same conditions with the pie charts second type which provides information on relationships between employees and their colleagues had shown that there are less 3 % of employees who not have co-workers in their jobs. A closer look reveals that "very good" answers is the highest percentage of employees opinions about their co-workers with consistently above on 60 % after had increased significantly by 7 % from 2005 t0 2009.  
  
(215 words)  
  
*
Hai, @Sarlinda, I got some advice for your writing:  
  
... show that "very good" ~~is~~ (WAS) the most choices (...) and had ~~been~~ slightly increased over ...  
  
Based on the grouping of ~~pie charts first type~~ (THE FIRST PIE CHARTS), ~~which~~ (IT) ~~describes~~ (DESCRIBED) ~~of~~ (THE) relationships between employees (...) that there ~~are~~ (WAS) less 10 % of employees who ~~give~~ (GAVE) answers "fair" and (...) with 5 % after ~~had increased~~ (INCREASING) by 4 %.  
  
... of employees (WAS) around on extremely ...  
  
~~Same conditions with~~ (SIMILARLY, IT OCCURRED IN) the ~~pie charts second~~ (SECOND PIE CHARTS) type which provide~~s~~ (D) information on relationships (...) colleagues(. IT) had shown that there ~~are~~ (WAS) less 3 % of employees ...  
  
... "very good" answers ~~is~~ (HAD) the highest percentage (...) by 7 % from 2005 t~~0~~ (O) 2009.
HALLO,  
  
... after five years gap ~~in~~ [between ] 2005 and 2009.  
  
... of pie charts [punctuation mark here ] [the ] first type which describes [described ] of relationships (...) that there are [were ] less 10 % of employees who give [gave ] answers "fair" and the employees who [did ] not have managers ...  
  
... shown that there are [were ] less 3 % of employees who [did ] not have co-workers ...  
... that "very good" answers is [was ] the highest percentage ...  
  
GLUCK:D
... results of questionnaires about employee relationships with their (...) after five years gapin 2005 and 2009.  
-------> be careful with noun plural employee ------> employees  
--------> in: between  
  
... show that "very good" category was the most choices of staff members as the description of their relationships towards their bosses and workmates and had increased slightly over the years ...  
  
a. be careful with past tense  
b. be careful with repetitive  
workers-----> employees, staff members  
supervisors----> managers, bosses, directors  
co-workers---------> peers, workmates, colleagues  
  
... managers had shown that there ~~are~~were less at 10 % of employees who ~~give~~gave answers "fair" and ...  
Almost the answers of employees was around on extremely ...
Hi SarlindaDS\_27, let me give you comments  
  
1. ... had ~~been~~ slightly increased ...  
For the meaning, it is better to use active in this sentence instead of passive  
  
2. ... over the years in 2005 and 2009. ..  
You can say 'over the years' or over four-years period to make it simple  
  
3. ... who do not have managers ...  
You can give verb 'do' before not  
  
Thank you  
Break a leg
Hello Sarlinda!  
Allow me to give you some suggestion.  
  
managers and colleagues in workplace **after five years**gap in 2005 and 2009.  
This sentence will make people confused about this word, I guess. "After five years" sounds like the survey only done in 2009.  
It will be better if you say "managers and colleagues in workplace over 2005 and 2009 years.  
  
Consider with tenses.  
  
there were less 10 % of employees who gave answers "fair"  
  
after ~~had~~ increased by 4 %  
  
which had ~~been~~ steadily above 60 % since  
  
In this task, you have to use past tense since the time signal is clear.  
  
Hope it helps you :)
**Writing Task 2 IELTS (Cambridge IELTS book Unit 8D page 52)**  
  
**Some people say that the clothes people wear are the most important indication of what they are like. Others, however, say that people should not be judged by the clothes they wear.  
  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.**  
  
Nowadays, the innovations of fashion styles have rapidly changed, Every people as a part of fashions marketing targets certainly have any perspectives for their outfit looks. The fashion styles of people are depending on their favorable fashion trends. But, the judges of others who seeing the people by his covers seemingly have contradictive views.  
  
Firstly, based on people views that have given evaluations the person just by his clothes. There are many people who have typically like this and usually use this way to giving interpretations for other social groups. Ordinary people who have narrow perspectives often use some attributes of the person as tools for makes classification states. They had made the standard criteria for separated people class by their fashion styles. For example, the society that come from high economic class have been identified by their clothes styles that includes any luxury or branded things, such as branded clothes, luxurious watches, original leather things, branded shoes and another high-level class things and this standard automatically applied towards them with lower class background as their measurement social class. Even though this way is not usually ensured people real backgrounds but it has affected many people perspectives today.  
  
On the other hand, secondly, views come from the people who have the contrary perspective or disagree with the statement and have a principle for never judge people by his covers. Actually, the people who have opinions like this usually wiser than others and also have a wider perspective than generals in giving a label or a judge towards other. For instance, they do not directly judge the people by his outfit looks but outweigh giving evaluations from the people personality characters. However, they probably do not look people in their luxury dresses, casual clothes, originals branded or imitation brands that people wear before known the people personality and the clothes is not tools for them measure other personalities.  
  
To sum up, every people have difference views depend on their standard criteria in judging people by clothes wear. However, the appearance of people from outside is not always shown their exact personalities.  
  
**(348 words)**
Hi Sarlinda. here I have some suggestion for your writing  
  
... have rapidly changed~~,~~. Every people as a part of fashion~~s~~ marketing targets ...  
  
... person as tools for make~~s~~ing classification states  
  
... the standard of criteria for separated the people's class by ...  
  
the society that comes from high economic class ~~have~~can be~~en~~ identified by their clothes styles that include~~s~~ any luxury or branded ~~things~~product , such as branded clothes, (...) another high-level class ~~things~~goods and this standard automatically ...
Hellooooo Sarlinda!  
Allow me to give you some suggestion.  
  
Nowadays, the innovations of fashion styles have rapidly changed,  
Nowadays, the innovations of fashion styles have changed rapidly.  
Change -> verb  
Rapidly -> Adverb  
Verb+adverb  
  
Nowadays, the innovations of fashion styles have rapidly changed, Every people ...  
I guess that it is not clear introduction paragraph sarlinda :)  
Look at the prompt below:  
Some people say that the **clothes people wear** are the **most important indication of what they are like**. Others, however, say that **people should not be judged by the clothes they wear**.  
  
Those are three keyword which you should put in your introduction. At least, you have to mention them.  
It will better to put your statement here. It helps you to answer the prompt about your own opinion.  
Please kindly to check example that I have put below.  
*At present, the way people look and their dress become an identity for them. Some people argue the fabrics that people wear is the most important indication of what they are like. Due to people who use a suit cloth is seen as an executive while people who use casual clothes is judged as less education people. Others say that it is not fair to judge people by the way they look. Personally, I believe that people clothing is one way to predict how people do like but it is not the best*  
  
I found a good flow in your body paragraph. Keep practice.  
  
Hope it helps you, keep writing honey :)
***To learn effectively, children need to eat healthy meal at school. How true is this statement? Whose responsibility is it to provide food for school children?***  
  
In school, there are many kinds of food provided, which student can choose to eat. However, to maximize of learning, health food is the recommended meal for children to consume. Then, I think both parents and school have responsibility to control and supervise children's food.  
  
In my view, it is better for parents, especially mother to make food supply for their children bringing at school. It is good for children's health and as a guarantee to avoid children getting stomachache at school. Since we know, some snacks at canteen may be harmful and be sensitive to children who have allergic symptoms. It will disturb children's focus. For instance, a son who has itchy allergic symptoms to egg and are not aware to eat food containing egg, such as bread egg sandwich will not focus when learning process is running due to he feel itchy and take time to just focus on removing his itching. Therefore, it is important to bring a food supply that mother knows suitable for her children.  
  
In the other hand, I think school can play a role to provide a healthy food for students. It can be communicated to parents, if many parents of that school are workers who do not have time to make a food supply for their children or cannot supervise their children's food every time. School can hold lunchtime which student can eat together. For simple idea, school can filter the food that harmful to children's health. When school manages the notion to provide lunch and food filter, it will reduce and remove a factor that disturb student learn less effective. So, their teacher also does not worry again about their meal.  
  
To sum up, parents, especially mother, and school have to be responsible to provide a healthy meal at school. Mother can provide food supply that appropriate to children and lunchtime can be held at school. Hence, there is no worry again to children's health that can concentrate study at school. 330w
which student**s** can choose to eat.  
health**y** food is the *most* recommended meal ...  
  
especially mother*, put a comma*  
  
and ~~are~~*is* not aware to eat food ~~containing~~*stuffed with* egg, such as bread egg sandwich(,) will not focus ~~when~~*on* learning process ~~is running~~~~due to~~*because* he feel**s** itchy and takes (...) removing his itch~~ing~~  
  
~~In~~*on* the other hand, I think school  
  
School can hold lunchtime *in* which student**s** can eat together.  
  
When school manages **to**the notion ~~to~~~~provide~~*of providing* lunch and food filter,  
  
... a factor that disturb**s** student**s***from learning* less effective.  
  
So, their teacher**s** also ~~does~~*do* not worry again about their meal**s**.  
  
responsible ~~to~~~~provide~~*for providing*
Hai anna, here are my thoughts  
  
In school, there are many kinds ...  
***considering to add one more sentence in your introductory paragraph. at least 3 sentences***  
  
... symptoms to egg and ~~are~~**is** not aware ~~to eat~~**of eating****(gerund)** food containing egg, (...) is running due to ~~he~~~~feel~~**feeling** itchy and take ...  
  
~~In~~**On** the other hand  
  
For **a** simple idea  
  
... remove a factor that ~~disturb~~**disturbs** student learn less effective
Hello  
You have a good summary  
I have some corrections for you  
  
... especially mother to ~~make food supply~~provide nutrition foods for their children as they can bring~~ing~~~~at~~ to school. It is good for children's health ~~and~~ as a guarantee to ...  
  
... at canteen may be contain harmful substance and be sensitive to children ...  
Then the effect~~It~~~~will~~would disturb children's focus.  
... symptoms to egg and ~~are not aware~~avoid~~to eat~~ food containing egg, such as bread egg sandwich ~~will~~would not focus ~~when~~for learning process.  
  
... I think school can ~~play a~~have responsibility to provide a healthy (...) if many parents of ~~that school~~the students are workers who ...  
... school can ~~filter~~choose the food that...  
~~So~~Thus , their teacher also does ...  
  
Thanks
Hi Nur, please find my thoughts and suggested modifications below;  
  
- ~~In school, there~~There are many kinds of food provided at school , which student can...  
-However, to maximize ~~of~~ learning,  
- healthy food is the recommended meal ...  
- ~~Then, I think~~Having said that, both parents  
- and school official have the responsibility to control and supervise the children's food.  
  
- ... parents, especially mothers to  
- ~~make food~~ supply food for their children to bring to~~bringing at~~ school.  
- some snacks at a canteen may be harmful  
- may have allergic ~~symptoms~~reactions to certain food .  
  
There you have it Nur, I believe the above remarks will not only strengthen your essay but will also make sure that you have a better idea on how to approach a prompt such as this one above.
Hallo.. i just try to give you some notes. Here is mine..  
  
The question was  
  
1. To learn effectively, children need to eat healthy meal at school. (Notion in question)  
2. How true is this statement? (Question 1)  
3. Whose responsibility is it to provide food for school children? (Question 2)  
  
Thus your introductory must paraphrase the notion and answer the questions.  
  
1. In school, there are many kinds of food provided, ... ->>> HOOK  
  
2. However, to maximize of learning, health food is the ... ->>> paraphrase statement in the questions  
  
3. Then, I think both parents and school have responsibility ... ->>> answer for the last questions  
  
I think you have not answer for the second question. Actually you can put this statement :  
  
That is true.... (put the reason why it was true)  
  
Good luck
Hello Anna94,  
Here is my point of view. You can refer.  
... food provided, which students can choose to eat. However, to maximize ~~of~~ learning, health food is recommended to serve for children at mealtime .  
  
..., especially mother to prepare nutrient food for their children in order to bring to school. It is not only good for children's health but also make sure that their children do not suffering from stomachache at school.  
  
... snacks at canteen may contain allergen or toxic which can harm to our children .  
For instance, a son who has itchy known as allergic reaction to egg and do not know that the food he eat is made from egg such as bread egg sandwich, will not focus during learning process. Because he always feels itchy and takes time to remove his itching. As a result , it is important to bring ~~a~~ food ~~supply~~ that mother knows it is suitable for her children.  
  
They should communicate to parents if many parents ~~of that school~~ are workers who (...) for their children or can not supervise their ...  
... school can avoid the food that is harmless to children's health.  
... and food filter, it can reduce and even remove a factor that affect the quality of student's learning . Therefore, their teachers~~also~~ do~~es~~ not worry again about their meal else .  
  
Mother should provide food supply that appropriate to children as well as lunchtime can ...  
~~Hence, there is no worry again about children's health that can concentrate on study at school.~~  
Sincerely!
Hello Anna!  
Allow me to give you a suggestion.  
I have found that you did not put one keyword in your body paragraphs. Look at the prompt below.  
  
**To learn effectively**, **children need to eat healthy meal at school**. How true is this statement? **Whose responsibility** is it to **provide food for school children**?  
  
Those are three keywords that should you put in your body paragraph.  
*1. What the relation between learn effectively and ealthy meal?  
2. are children need to eat healthy meal at school?  
3. What your opinion about this prompt?  
4. Whose responsibility to provide food for school children? parents, school, or other people?*  
At least, you have to answer the question above.  
  
Hope it helps you :)
**To learn effectively, children need to eat healthy meal at school. How true is this statemment? Whose responsibility is it to provide food for school children?**  
  
Children have to get good food nutrition for supporting their body to grow up and learn effectively. That is why some people argue that children need to eat a healthy dishes at school. Personally, I strongly believe with this statement.  
  
For supporting children healthy lifestyle which is related to their developing time, they have to eat a healthy meals at school. Especially, for their learning process. Children have a golden time for their brain development. It happens in their schools time. They need nutrition, vitamin and mineral for highest performance of their brain. It is caused they have to eat a healthy food at school where place they spent much time aside from their home.  
  
However, school is not the only one who takes responsibility of this problem. More than over, parents are children's guide which most of children's time is spend with them. School should have a way to prevent their students to eat unhealthy food by limiting food stall that come to school for sell their food since most of them offer junk food which is not good for children's body. School have to filter kinds of food which have bad impact to the students. For parents, they have to aware about this problem by introducing some of bad and good food to prevent them from eating unhealthy food. If children can differentiate the healthy one and the bad one, even the parents not there they will still choose healthy food, wherever they are. Better way to prevent children from unhealthy food is give them a box of food when they go to school so they do not need buy something in the school.  
  
All in all, a healthy food is children's necessary. They have to eat a good nutrition and hygiene food for support their optimal development. Include in their body and brain.
**Hi Miss @Anna94 ^\_^  
Allow me to give you some corrections :)**  
  
... healthy lifestyle which ~~is~~ => ARE related to their developing time, they have to eat ~~a healthy meals=~~ > HEALTHY MEALS at school.  
  
... who takes responsibility ~~of~~ => FOR this problem.  
... guide which most of THE children's time is ~~spend~~ => SPENT with them.  
... to prevent their students ~~to eat~~ =>FROM EATING unhealthy food by limiting food stall that ~~come~~ =>COMES to school for ...  
School ~~have~~ =>HAS to filter kinds of (...) bad impact ~~to~~ =>ON the students.  
THE Better way to prevent children from unhealthy food ~~is give~~ =>TO GIVE them a box of (...) so they do not need+TO buy something in the school.  
  
**Keep Spirit and Good Night :)**
Hi aini, here are my comments  
  
That is **the reason** why some people argue ...  
  
they have to eat ~~a~~ healthy meals at school.  
  
... who takes responsibility ~~of~~**for** this problem.  
  
... most of children's time is ~~spend~~**spent** with them.  
*(passive form)*  
  
... way to prevent their students ~~to eat~~**from eating***(using gerund)* unhealthy food (...) that ~~come~~**comes** to school for sell their food  
  
... which have bad impact ~~to~~**on** the students.  
  
**the** better way to prevent children from unhealthy food ~~is~~ give them a box (...) they do not need **to**buy something ...
**The chart and table below show customer satisfaction levels in the US with airlines and aspects of air travel in 1999, 2000, and 2007.**  
  
The bar chart show the level of satisfactory costumer in the US when travelled with airplanes and the table gives information about the percentage of satisfactory aspect in flying experience at surveys in 1999, 2000, and 2007. Overall, most of costumer was fascinated when flying with airplanes which had an upward trend by the following survey years. The reason why people attracted in flying experience was the courtesy of flight attendants  
  
In 1999, 65 percent of correspondent was satisfied in the nation's major airlines was doing. By the next survey, the percentage increased slightly from 69 percent to 72 percent. In contrast, costumer who dissatisfied was a downward trend. Begins at 32 percent in 1999, the percentage went down gradually by 3 percent in the next survey. The last year of survey, the satisfaction levels dipped to 24 percent  
  
The specific aspects of the experiences using airplane was a slight increase among three different years. The ability of flight attendant was the most important aspects for costumer about 92 percent. Flight schedule and courtesy of gate agents became the next important matters for costumer about 88 percent and 79 percent. Prices of tickets was a slight difference from the percentage of schedule's airplane. However, under 47 percent of costumer thought that the seat comfort made them satisfied.
Hi @Beauty17 ^\_^  
Allow me to give you some corrections :)  
  
The bar chart ~~show~~=> SHOWS the level of satisfactory ~~costumer~~=>CUSTOMER in the US when ~~travelled~~=>TRAVELED with airplanes and the ...  
Overall, most of ~~costumer~~=>CUSTOMER was fascinated when ...  
  
In contrast, ~~costumer~~=>CUSTOMER who dissatisfied was ...  
  
... airplane was a slight increase among=> IN three different years.  
... most important aspects for ~~costumer~~ =>CUSTOMER about 92 percent.  
... the next important matters for ~~costumer~~ =>CUSTOMER about 88 percent and 79 percent.  
However, under 47 percent of ~~costumer~~ =>CUSTOMER thought that ...  
  
**Overall you can give your best in your essay but I think it should be better if you don't too much using repetition words such as "customers", use other similar words like passengers or users :)**  
  
KEEP WRITING :)
Hi Ifra, before I give you a few suggestions to modify and strengthen your essay, I must remind you of the importance of including the graph or the representation of the analysis, this will make sure that the review is accurate and also a proof of the analysis draft that you made so we can exhaust all there is to enhance your analysis.  
  
- The bar chart shows the level of  
- ~~satisfactory~~satisfied costumer in the US when  
- ~~travelled with~~traveling on an airplane~~s~~ and the  
- table gives information ~~about~~on the percentage  
- of ~~satisfactory~~satisfaction aspect in flying experience  
- ~~at surveys in~~during 1999, 2000, and 2007.  
- Overall, most ~~of~~ costumers~~was~~are fascinated when ...  
- ~~which~~that experienced~~had~~ an upward trend  
- by the following ~~survey~~ years.  
- The reason why people are attracted in flying experience  
- ~~was~~is the courtesy ~~of~~from flight attendants  
  
there you have it Ifra, I hope the above remarks and helpful to your revision.