dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Afaque, this is a direct answer single opinion essay. Therefore, you are supposed to pick only one side of the discussion to represent in the essay. Which side do you actually support? That is the main focus of your discussion and should be the overall content of the paper. You approach to the essay discussion is wrong. In addition to that, you are not following the required format for a Task 2 essay.  
  
Your first major mistake, was using a quote from an outside source. I am sure that you had to do research in order to come up with that quote. You relied on the existence of an internet connection in the computer you used. At the actual exam center, the computers will be locked down to a LAN connection. There is no internet available. So you should rely on using common sense and common information when doing the practice tests. This is not an exam about researched information anyway, it is a test of how well you can express yourself in the English language. Analytical thinking is a must, but researched information is not.  
  
By the way, your discussion paragraphs are considered under developed because you discussed more than one topic per paragraph. The strict ruling on that is one topic discussed over 5 sentences per paragraph, Any more than that and the opinion you are presenting is weak and not really impressive. Your explanations tend to become confusing to the reader when you impart information about 2 separate discussion topics in one paragraph. You have 3 body paragraphs, use it the way it was meant to be. As a one reason per paragraph discussion representation.  
  
Overall, this is a poorly developed and presented essay and I do not think you will get an impressive score with such a presentation in the actual test.
**Topic 1: Traditional food is undergoing great changes and being replaced by new diets. What do you think are the reasons and what do you think about this?**  
  
## more imported food, less local cuisine?

  
  
With the multicultural integration, foreign cuisine takes an essential role in contributing to the diversity of that of one nation. It is inevitable that there will be a tendency of home- country food losing common preference due to the appearance of other new diets.  
  
Initially, this trend is accelerating in the result of the alteration of residents' appetites. Conventional food has been attached to the history and culture - factors that define the character of a society - since the early age. More or less, it is getting mundane to have these dishes on frequent occasions, esp. national holiday,.. so revolutionary diets are in need no matter what. At the same time, new diets with an innovative style of cooking and absolute time - saving capture all appetites immediately. This dietary with flavourful taste is undoubtedly more preferable than complex traditional ones.  
  
As a matter of fact, imported cuisine from the outsiders enhances the variety of food culture of a continent. However, if people adopt these renovations without embracing the original cuisine of their country, it will rapidly sink into oblivion. Besides, foreign diets also introduce fast food which accounts for obesity and other severe diseases if being misused. Nowadays, according to its convenience and tasty flavor, junk food satisfies many people from the young to the adults, from students to workers who have irregular working hours.  
  
In a nutshell, imported food has its benefits and it is people that decide if conventional dishes are forgotten or not. People have to learn how to balance their diets between two types of food consumption, adore the beauty of other nations' cuisine and maintain the long-term value of conventional food.
I would like to provide little bit suggestion. To 2nd paragraph, the innovative style of food culture is saving all appetites and more preferable than complex traditional ones. But I suggest that you may also consider the cost of the food since it is another main reason why attracting the entrepreneur to open such type of restaurant, with catering the taste of the customers.  
  
To the 3rd paragraph, it also can mention more about the healthy diet trending which has been held nowadays, comparing the traditional one and the imported one. Which diet can be more attractive according to the lifestyle currently. This may make the article more persuasive due to the more perspective consideration.
Thanh, your essay does not sound like it has complete sentences. These seem more like signal phrases without the actual topic included in each line. The thought process you currently have is confusing to follow. I do not think you really outlined this essay before you started writing it. It is important that you outline your 5 paragraph topic sentences before you start writing otherwise you end up with incomplete presentations that will directly affect your C&C and GRA scoring potential. If you cannot clearly explain yourself in English, as proven in this essay, then you will not get a passing score in that section and thus, lower your overall final score to a point where it might not pass. More importantly, you should never abbreviate your spelling as you did in the word "especially" by saying "esp." That shows a lack of knowledge of academic English writing rules and will reduce your GRA score even further. While you have the potential to write a good essay, you will not be able to write an essay worthy of consideration of you do not work on improving your English thought process and presentation skills.
*Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real need of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?*  
  
## consumers and the advertising

  
  
It is true that great advertising might affect people's willing of purchasing. However, I do not agree that the public will buy useless products simply because they saw the fantastic advertisements.  
  
On the one hand, advertising is a good chance to deliver the concept and the content of a product to its potential consumers. It provides opportunities for the audiences to have a better understanding of a product and to be able to visualize the experiences of using without taking a look at the shops even they have never use it before. This could save consumer's time and money to try different products therefore some people do purchase the goods after seeing the advertisements on TV, on the roads or in the newspaper.  
  
On the other hand, people are unlikely to buy every product they saw on interesting advertisements because of the limited budget. It is true that a few people might impulsive buying things after seeing the advertisements, yet most of people are rational. Advertisements may only enlarge their list of shopping, but could not alter the decision to buy practical goods. Another reason why advertising plays an unimportant role in consumers' shopping behavior is that most of people simply regard advertisements as the entertainments when they are waiting for buses or TV programs.  
  
In conclusion, advertising might has the chance to increase the possibility of purchasing behavior, yet the rational consumers would still regard the real needs as the most important thing when buying the products.
Hi, your writing is well-organized and you obviously have a pretty good command of English. That being said, I don't think you have addressed the prompt as directly as you should have. The prompt talks about "popular consumer goods" - I am thinking Iphones, Levi's jeans, Gucci bags, and whatever else is in style these days (sorry, I am old). So what explains the popularity of these consumer goods? Is it advertising? It is that people really need Gucci bags? So these are the types of questions I would expect your essay to answer. You have written about the benefits and limitations of advertising, which is pretty close to the topic presented, but I don't think it is exactly spot-on. Here are some specific suggestions I would make for your usage:  
  
It is true that great advertising might affect people's [willingness to purchase products].  
  
the content of a product {"the content of a product" sounds a bit odd to me}  
  
the experiences of using {I would add an object here - maybe "product" or "item" or just "it" } without  
  
even [though] they have never [used] it before.  
  
time and money [spent trying] different products  
  
advertisements on TV, on [roadside billboards] or in the newspaper.  
  
advertisements because of [their] limited [budgets].  
  
a few people might [impulsively buy] things  
  
yet most ~~of~~ people are rational.  
  
enlarge their [shopping list], but [will] not alter the decision to buy  
  
shopping behavior is that most ~~of~~ people simply regard  
  
advertisements as the [entertainment] {entertainment is uncountable}  
  
advertising might [have] the chance to
@TJLuschen  
  
Hi TJLuschen, I really appreciate your useful feedback! Thanks a lot :)  
And I have just re-written one based on your suggestion.  
==================================  
Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real need of the society in which they are sold.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
  
It is true that great advertising would affect people's willingness to purchase products. However, I do not agree that advertising ignore the real social need of the public.  
  
A sense of belonging is very important to human, especially to the teenagers. Young adults, as a result, are likely to buy the products which their peers have already had ones, such as Levi's jeans. Using or wearing identical products would help them to create a stronger bond with each other. Another social need, which plays an important role in fancy goods, is self-achievement. Take bags for example, the function of a bag is actually the same regardless of its brand, yet some people would rather buy a Gucci bag than simply buy one on the streets. It is a kind of a symbol shows that you have the ability to buy such an expensive product.  
  
The cost of shooting advertisements is very high, yet most people simply regard advertisements as the entertainment when they are waiting for buses or TV programs. Therefore, advertisers would definitely carefully consider the real needs of the public before releasing their advertisements on TV, on roadside billboards or in the newspaper. The concept of each advertisement is different based on its target customer. For example, advertisers would try to build an atmosphere to persuade teenagers that they would be popular among their friends if putting on that products.  
  
In conclusion, instead of ignoring, successful advertising catches people's real social needs, which results in the high sales of the popular consumer goods.
Hi LucyLucy, I am glad my comments were helpful. I liked your revision, you have some creative ideas. I think a stronger thesis statement would help - you need to stress that the high sales are driven by real psychological needs that advertisers simply accentuate. You also need to make sure you answer the explicit question given "to what extent do you agree?". Also, your introduction and conclusion are too short. It is important to make sure each paragraph has at least three sentences. Finally, a good topic sentence should give the main topic of its paragraph. See my comments about yours below:  
  
It is true that ~~great~~ [outstanding] {never pass up an opportunity to show off your vocabulary} advertising  
  
agree that advertising [ignores] the real social [needs] {I think people must have more than one need} of the public.  
  
A sense of belonging is very important ... {I think your topic sentence needs to be broader. Your topic sentence should summarize the main point of the paragraph - here your main point is, "often social factors play the key role in the consumption of trendy products "}  
  
important to human, {it would be "humans", but generally only use humans when talking about biology or comparing humans to animals. Here you could say "important to every member or society"} especially to the teenagers.  
  
... buy the products [that] their peers [already have] ~~have already had ones~~, {or better, "peers have previously purchased" to emphasize that they are following a trend} such as  
  
plays an important role in [the widespread demand for] fancy goods  
  
Take bags for example[;] the function  
  
buy a Gucci bag than simply buy [an off-brand] one on the streets.  
  
a symbol [that] shows  
  
The cost of ... buses or TV programs. {once again, I think a more effective topic sentence would make your argument more clear. This seems like an abrupt shift that does not clearly connect with the previous paragraph. Maybe something like "Savvy advertisers are well-versed in these psychological needs that play such a key role in purchasing decisions and tap into them when crafting their messages."}  
  
popular among their friends if putting on that products. {"if putting on that products" sounds awkward}  
  
In conclusion, instead of ignoring [them], successful advertising catches {"acknowledges" might be better, or "highlights"} people's real social needs,
HI LUCY,  
  
Your essay actually seems fine with advanced vocabulary as well as approriate organization that follow Ielts format.  
My recommendation is that you had better add some examples in order to demonstrate each of your viewpoint clearly and make your essay more convincing.  
  
For my experience, you can find out more information to use in writing by reading newspaper. Nevertheless, in special circumstances, you are able to give an example from your daily life or somehow just create it on your own as long as it is logical enough.  
  
Goodluck. Im preparing for my Ielts too :)))
Could anyone give me some feedback about my essay? Thank you and have a good day!  
  
## reducing stress at work

  
  
As a large number of employees have worked in highly competitive companies, several problems of workplace stress can be anticipated. Although the excessive stress from the workplace is seen as negative for psychological reasons, there are several ways to reduce the workplace stress. This essay will evaluate viable solutions to the problem of workplace stress. It will examine useful methods including flexible working arrangements and creating anti-harassment department.  
  
Employees are able to reduce stress coming from the workplace through flexible working arrangements. Companies should implement flexible working programs so that workers are able to decide the locations of work. In addition, employees can change the working hours from day shift to night shift if they need to take care of their children or family in the morning. As a result, the method of flexible working arrangements help employees alleviate the stress from workplace. One possible drawback of the working arrangements is that supervisors may find it difficult to manage employees. However, companies can ask employees to report work progress weekly. Therefore, the workplace stress is likely to be alleviated due to using the method of flexible working arrangements.  
  
Another possible strategy to reduce workplace stress is to create an anti-harassment department. Companies should create an independent department which would regulate strict policies to help workers prevent office harassment. Those who do not follow the policies would be dismissed by companies. In addition, the independent department would protect victims' privacy so the victims are more likely to be willing to take action. Therefore, the workplace stress resulting from office harassment can be reduced due to implementing the anti-harassment department. Nevertheless, it could be argued that companies should cost amount of money to make sure the department running as usual. However, it is believed that the anti-harassment department can make a positive contribution to companies in the long run because workers are likely to pay more attention to their jobs instead of being afraid of stress from office harassment.  
  
In conclusion, the priority of any companies should be to implement several useful methods to deal with the problems of workplace stress and assist employees to focus on their work as well. Useful strategies should include flexible working arrangements and creating the anti-harassment department. It is believed that these methods are able to alleviate many workplace issues. Instead of maximising their profits, companies should find out several potential reasons why employees are under heavy workplace stress.
Topic: *Some people fail in school, but end up being successful in life. Why do you think that is the case? What is the most important thing to succeed in life?*  
  
## Are Grades Important In Schools?

  
  
In our academic stage, most adults and elders told us the academic result was so important to our life, that affects which career we carry on in the future, that affects the salary scale what we have. However, when we follow the pace of our growth and enter the real society, the fact is totally different. Many questions have been asked by our young. In this essay, I would like to make some analysis to explain the reason what is going on.  
  
First of all, academic result and achievement are just one part of the consideration for the employers. The successful staffs and workers depend on a lot of part in their workplace, such as the working attitude, communication skills, leadership, discipline and show on. The academic result probably reflects how hard work and smart the candidates are, however it can't tell what attitude and harmony they are.  
  
Furthermore, the graduates came from their school to the workplace, most likely need to be further training and support. The employed company required to spend their time and spirit to teach them even if the 1st class honor student in the university. That's why the academic achievement would only be a portion to weigh the availability of the employees.  
  
To discuss the things influencing success in life, many persons would define success is how rich you are and position of your career. To my concept, I would like to introduce which should be reinforced on the foundation of basic economy and money. Those can let you chase your dream life and take care your family member as well as yourself. Based on this economic foundation, is your lifestyle and career you desire? That would be another deeper question of being successful in life. If we can gain satisfactory in terms of achievement in our career, it probably would be one of the successes in our life. If we can comply what we thought and action, it may be enjoying a delicious meal with parents, shopping on the street with friends and feeling free to have some sports with brothers and sisters. Those may be another one success in our life. To be honest, it depends on how you define the successful life to generate lots of achievements and tasks in your mind that you need to step by step to complete each one.  
  
In conclusion, people fail in school doesn't mean that they miss the chance to possess success in their life since it just becomes one part of the score to be considered by the employers. The most important thing to succeed which depends on what your goals and satisfaction in life.
Hello, friends, thank you for watching my essay and I wrote this IELTS writing task in 40 minutes, i think there are some errors, please help me to correct it, I appropriate it.  
  
Topic:  
  
**DO you agree or disagree with the following statement? Children should be required to help with household task as soon as they are able.**  
  
## not much duties, just lovely time

  
  
The given topic show a statement, that some parents require their children to give a help during the household task since they are old enough. This statement sounds very good! But I would like to say, please stop doing that! I would like to illustrate my opinions as follow.  
  
Courage young generations work into the house cleaning could cause some dangerous incidents, that could not be imaged by their parents in advance. Today, the electricity facilities and devices are easy found in the house such as fridge, dishwasher, air condition and television. All of these require electric power, the young children may be injured by the leaked high voltage during the cleaning process. Moreover, insufficient working protect stuff let the children under dangerous, increased the possible of the children's safety problems.  
  
Another disadvantage is toxin issue. The toxic elements are include in some cleaning products, which are harm for children's eyes, lungs even their skin. As far as I know, many cleaning powder contains high level chemical toxin inside, in order to gain a good cleaning quality. when children are helping their patents by using this products, the toxin must be attached with children and breathed in, thus, cause the children cough and harmfully effect for healthy.  
  
In addition, for the children in this period, healthy growing and happy playing should be the subjects of them. Nobody wants their young children to handle the heavy, dirty and dangerous housekeeping work. Their parents have to supply a lovely and sweet home rather than require them to do this even they are enable.  
  
In conclusion, I suggest all the parents stopping require their sweets to join the household task. Just let them growing healthy and safety. Wish young generations could have a lovely memory with their childhood.
[ This is IELTS (Task2) practice ]  
  
Topic:  
*Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language.  
  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.*  
  
## foreign language knowledge is a big plus

  
  
Many people would face a question that why we should learn second language, and some people argue that learning foreign languages can help for traveling or work, despite others disagreed. In my opinion, we should not just focus on what we can use by foreign language, and that should think what we can acquire except real benefit from learning second language.  
  
First, some people recognize why we do not use the foreign language then need to learn. In my viewpoint, we study hard and increase our knowledge that not only enhance our culture quality but also transfrom our aspect. If we study others language, we can directly read about those reference and receive a lot of special information without translating.  
  
Second, you can make a lot of foreign friends, and exchange communication about your background. I deeply think that this experience is priceless and why you can say that it is useless before you really do it. Third, when we learn a foreign language, it does not only learn a " language ". Actually we would get more and more difference interesting influence, for instance, we will require to learning their culture and tradition because the language must merge into their own humanity.  
  
In conclusion, I assert that people should learn foreign language and go outside to open your eyes. As you can receive achievement from using it, you will appreicate yourself that doing a correct thing.  
  
Thanks for your reading.