dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?  
In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives.  
  
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.**  
  
Over the last few decades, many things in the world have changed which have greatly impacted our lives such that our current lifestyle differs from the lifestyle of our parents in many aspects. One of the paramount aspects is independence that many people believe that today's young people are not much dependent on their parents like the past and they make important decisions by themselves. I strongly agree with this statement due to two points which I will explain in the following essay.  
  
To begin with, in recent years, educational systems have changed a lot and try to prepare children for real life. One of the utmost important topics that children learn about in schools is independence. Children are taught how to make decisions while they consider positive and negative aspects of their decisions. The result of such training is evident in increasing the number of youngsters that choose to live alone or even immigrate to a foreign country. Certainly, parents of many of them have disagreed with their decisions due to various reasons, however, since youngsters are now more independent, they have followed their own decisions to make their dreams true.  
  
Additionally, self-confidence is another prominent factor which makes people feel positive about themselves and take risks on their lives by making their own decisions. I am of the opinion that today's young people are more self-confident than previous due to two reasons. First, current parents have let young people make their own decisions when they were kids. For instance, all of the current young people have chosen the color of their clothes since they were teenagers or even smaller. Second, by the development of technologies, there are many resources available which help people to be aware of their surroundings. Having much information helps persons to be more self-confident and consequently be more independent. As an example, when I was about to choose my major in university I searched about different majors and listed all advantages and disadvantages of various majors, afterward, I declared my decision to my parents. Although my parents liked to see me educating in another major, they supported me and agreed with my decision.  
  
To sum up, in my point of view, today's youngsters are more independent that youngsters were in the past which is the result of the quality of education they received as well as their high self-confidence.
Samira, you have presented some very solid arguments in your essay that show a clear understanding of the prompt and an analysis of the possible answers in support of your position. The essay is good in the sense that you have a clear flow of thought and your discussion is based on common sense and logical reasons. There is a clear command of English even though some of your sentence structure is not as solid as it can be. The grammar mistakes are not so severe that it affects your declarations. Everything about your essay shows that you are capable of passing the TOEFL exam once you take it. However, you need to further improve your skill in writing your conclusions. It is supposed to be at least 3 sentences long at all times. You only presented one very long sentence that could have been very easily split into 3 parts. Learn how to modify your sentences or thought process in order to meet the sentence requirements.
**Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances ...**  
  
Nowadays, many types of crime can we find in the center city. Government or particularly organisation must improve the punishment for each kind of crime. To make punishment effectively, society argue that condition of individual crime and reason why people do it must be considered. Personally, I believe that with considering all of aspect government can build good system of punishment and make criminal do not want to repeat again.  
  
To build city safety, government especially police must decide distinct rule for each type of crime, for instance prisoner for people who corrupt, such as member of government must be harder than people who thieve hand phone in the traditional market, because if they corrupt money of country, it became damage for all people in the country. But if they just thieve a telephone, it just damage one person. In fact, in Indonesia punishment to member of government who corrupt fewer than ordinary people. So, it is needed certain regulation of each type of wickedness to build cleaner system.  
  
On the other hand, societies argue that when deciding of punishment, government or relevant organisation must be considered about the condition of an individual crime or level of crime, for instance, there are three levels of crimes, such as very danger, danger, and no danger for people's life. If the criminal who have very dangerous for victims, such as leave soul of human, the punishment must be harder than the criminal who no danger for victims, such as thieve food without injure other people. Besides that, relevant organisation should be considered with motivation why people do a crime. For instance, people thieve a food in the supermarket because they do not have much money to buy some food for their family, the punishment should be lower than people who thieve food because of business competitor. All of them must be reviewed by government.  
  
All in all, to build a good system of prisoner must be consider from many aspect. It can decrease a number of criminal because they know hard punishment if they do crime. In my opinion, to make fix it punishment in one country, government must improving several system in their country, such as, financial of human, politic, and they must give instruction for ordinary people about the punishment which will be given.
Hi tika, here are my suggestions for you  
  
*First of all, you need to lessen your essay, because i think 384 words were too long and you difficult to maintain your coherence  
  
be careful for misspelling*  
... we find in the ~~center~~**centre** city.  
  
... people who thieve ~~hand phone~~ in the traditional market,  
*choice of words is important in essay, using 'smartphone' is better*  
  
...a telephone, it just ~~damage~~**damages** one person.  
  
... punishment to **a** member of government who corrupt ...  
  
If the criminal who have very dangerous for victims, such ...  
*There is no verb in your subclause  
human is not a proper word. use people/inhabitants/member of society*
**Studying abroad has all benefits and disadvantages**  
  
In recent decades, many students decide to exchange study in both short-term courses and whole courses in foreign countries, which leads to a new trend in study orientation. Although some educators believe that studying abroad benefits every single student, the drawback it brings to nations should be taken into account.  
  
On the one hand, studying abroad is conducive to students' efforts and their future careers. In reality, adapting to strange lifestyle in foreign countries forces students to get out of their comfort zones and strengthen their skills. According to scientists, living alone is the key for human to maturity through struggles. In addition, with soft skills learnt through language burden and culture burden, students become more self-esteem, which allows them to get higher positions in their future careers. For example, currently, since many companies, especially the multinational corporations, require foreign languages and international communication skills, exchange-studying graduates will have more opportunities compared to domestic labors.  
  
On the other hand, studying abroad also acts as a deterrent for the governments and national companies for graduates remaining to stay in foreign countries. First, numbers of students leaves their own countries for higher job satisfaction, which benefits the countries oversea. For example, that many Vietnamese students become citizens for developed countries leads to a shortage of talented labors. Second, the oversea tuition fees contribute to loss of their national taxes. Particularly, it is accounted by the latest survey that people spend ten times their money to afford for oversea studying, which means the huge taxes are given to the foreign countries at the expense of their own nations.  
  
In conclusion, although studying abroad appears to benefit students by ensuring their efforts and future, it is likely to cause severe damages to their own countries due to the loss of taxes and effective labors. In order to have reasonable choices, the pros and cons should be thoroughly measured.
... that studying abroad **GIVES**benefits every ~~single~~ student, the drawback ~~it brings to~~ nations should be...  
every single student==> spoken language=> informal  
  
... living alone is the key for ~~human~~people [human==> it can be used if we compare with animal or plant ==> people==>other people/social live to maturity through struggles.  
  
... learnt through language ~~burden and culture burden~~cultural shock , students become ...  
For example, ~~currently,~~ since many companies, (...) compared to domestic ~~labors~~labours .  
  
~~First~~firstly , numbers of students ...  
... a shortage of talented l~~abors~~labours . ~~Second~~Secondly , the oversea tuition ...  
  
... to cause severe damages ~~to~~ for their own (...) and effective ~~labors~~labours .
**These three pie charts show the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school in 1981, 1991, and 2001.**  
  
The three pie charts gives the information about the percentage of change amount of money that spent by particular school in 1981, 19991, and 2001. Overall, there was an upward trend of teachers' salaries. There was a downward trend of other employees' salaries.  
  
Based on the pie charts, the largest number came from teachers' salaries, at 50% in 1991, it incresed dramatically by ten percent from 1981 to 1991. Besides, the second largest is other workers' salaries, at 28% in 1981, but it dropped sharply by six percent from 28% to 22%.  
  
Not only books, but also furniture and equipment experienced an up and down trend which furniture fell sharply by ten percent in 1991 but resources such as books inclined five percent in the same year. The least number is insurance that just reaced up to eight percent which there was a slight rise by five percent in 2001. (150w)
Hello Ba'da, here some suggestion for you  
  
These three pie charts show the changes in annual spending by a...  
1) DON'T COPY PASTE THE QUESTION. You must PARAPHRASE it. If you don't know the synonym of the world, minimum you can CHANGE THE FORM from POSITIVE to NEGATIVE sentence  
  
... trend of teachers' salaries. **In contrast / However / Despite / Whereas** There was a downward trend ...  
2) USE CONJUNCTION to CONNECT YOUR IDEA.  
  
Based on the pie charts, the largest number came ...  
3) TOO FEW EXPLANATION. You can explore it to be more details. That indicators also has change and data in 2001, but you did not mention ANYONE.
Hi bada, let me give you some comment  
  
1. ...there was an upward trend of teachers' salaries ...  
The charts show in pie shape and do figuring in graph. So you cannot use upward or downward trend because it is only about changing, nothing continues. It is better for you to tell about 'there is an increase or decrease'  
  
2. Because one of the purposes of writing task 1 is comparing the data. It is better for you to make comparison. It will increase your score in writing task 1  
  
Thank you  
keep writing
It is a fact; people have eagerness to experience with new thing like new museums and town halls. Although many have intention to see new one, I prefer to pay visit old ones because those places have historical value as well economical values.  
  
The old museums and town halls have significance on visitors. The rise in the number of visitors helps to expand the tourism industry that contributes the support of the economy. For instance, the Great Wall of China signifies their long-lasting history that also has economic value as many tourists pay visit and subsequently spend money there. Thus, the earnings add to the economy of china. The old buildings have historical and cultural significance as well as economic value. If those are not preserved well, we may lose some certain advantage from them.  
  
In addition, the historical places impart the cultural values, believe, norms to the young generation. Young can not only earn immense benefits but also learn knowledge and information visiting these places, whereas they might not get such the things from new one. Furthermore, visiting those places they may come to know an important function in history and some are even the nations' pride. New buildings; however, may have helped both economically and developmentally, but old ones provide knowledge with young to develop their personality.  
  
To conclude, the generating economical value and the convey of manner of past generation from the historical places which have brought tangible and intangible benefits to us.That's why; I strongly consider that old buildings should not be replaced due to their contribution to the nation and due to the fact that it doesn't hinder progress.  
  
Dear friends,  
I m confusion in using punctuation ... in some case like It is a fact; and That's why; ..i m useing (; ) here . is it correct or not .  
  
pls say about task response and collocation and coherence in writing .
Dear @SYDA, it is INCORRECT to use the semi-colon (;) as the way you did.  
  
It is a fact; people have eagerness ... => It is a fact that people are willing to experience more trendy things such as new museums and town halls . Remember the structure "experience something" not "experience with something".  
  
The old museums and town halls ... => You should add some linking word at the beginning of thesis statement. For instance "On one hand".  
  
The old museums ... The rise in the number of visitors ... =>you should write at least one support sentence after each one. These two seem to be irrelevant because the first one is not clarified yet.  
  
The old buildings have historical and cultural ... => you should put them in the conclusion.  
  
the historical places impart the cultural ... => by visiting historical destinations, many youngsters can learn more about their cultural values including norms, belief, religion...  
  
they may come to know an important function [...] with young to develop their personality. => visiting those places can raise the pride inside them and teach them to respect traditional value.  
  
Dear SYDA, I can partly absorb your main ideas but you should try to put them follow a logic so the examiner can consider your essay as "well-structured" and "easy to follow".  
  
Try to eliminate or reduce some spoken words finally. Good luck !!
**The diagrams show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.  
  
Writing Task 1**  
  
The diagrams reveal the information regarding to some steps and tools that are used to produce cement and concrete for building purposes. Overall, it is noticable that, cement production needs more equipment and complex stages than concrete production does. In addition, concrete cannot be produced before cement-making process is finished.  
  
To begin with, there are two main materials which should be prepared for producing cement, that are limestone and clay. First step, these materials are crushed by crusher untill the material sizes powder. Secondly, after being mixed, it will be rotated with certain temperature to heat it in rotating heater. Thirdly, the material needs to be processed in grinder to produce cement. Fourthly, cement can be packed by using large bags.  
  
After cement being produced, concrete-making process can be started. To create it needs 15% of cement, 25% of sand, 10% of water, and a half of stone with small size. The first step is that pour these materials into concrete mixer. After being poured, mixed together by rotating the tool. Finally, concrete can be already used. (177 words)  
  
*
**Hi Miss Septia.  
I have read your writing closely. In this moment, I concentrate on contents in this writing. Please, you review my notes so that you will not make the same mistakes.**  
  
Overall, it is noticable that, cement production needs ...  
Why I correct your overview is because that is really essential in writing task 1. Honestly, your sentences in the overview tended as the hackneyed sentence. Generally, people have known the process of cement production needs more equipment. It happened at the last sentence in the overview. I am gonna demonstrate making the overview.  
  
***"Overall, it is important to note that there are four primary steps passed in the production process of the cement before it is utilized. Meanwhile, the process of concrete production only needs one step, but this is supposed to mix four essential sources."***  
  
To begin with, ~~there are two main materials which should ...~~ TWO MATERIALS HAS TO BE PROVIDED BEFORE STARTING THE PROCESS. ~~that~~ THOSE are limestone and clay. THE First step~~,~~ IS THAT ~~these~~ THE materials are crushed by crusher ~~untill~~ UNTIL the material sizes powder.  
  
... to heat it in THE rotating heater.  
... needs to be processed in THE grinder to ~~produce cement~~ MAKE THAT BECOMES THE CEMENT POWDER.  
(Actually, you denied the mixed process. you only mentioned "  
  
after being mixed  
')  
  
..., THE concrete-making process can be started.  
The first step is ~~that pour~~ POURING these materials into THE concrete mixer.  
Finally, THE concrete can ...  
  
*NOTE: Please, reread your writing before you upload so that you can avoid misspellings.*
These three pie charts show **the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school in 1981, 1991 and 2001.**  
  
According to the charts, it can be seen the variability of the annual expenses by a school in the United Kingdom in 1981, 1991, and 2001. Overall, it is apparent from the graph that the total school spending in salaries was the biggest expense from the year given, while the second largest cost was infrastructure such as resources, and furniture and equipment.  
  
Started in 1981, salaries that had been given by school started at 66 percent. In the next decade, the salaries rose significantly to a half of the total school spending for teachers' salaries. But unfortunately, the percentage of other workers' salaries decreased by 4 percent to 22 percent. There was a slight decrease for salaries to 60 percent of school's expenses in the next decade.  
  
Infrastructure such as resources and equipment took the second highest expenditures. Started in 1981, almost one-third school spending had been allocated to this sector. Then, in the next 10-year, there was a slight decrease for infrastructure allocations by 5 percent while the furniture and equipment reach a low point at 5 percent. However, in reverse, the spending for resources bottomed out at 9 percent meanwhile there was a significant increase for furniture and equipment to 23 percent. Insurance had the percentage below 9 percent all the data given.  
  
(215 Words)  
  
*
Well, a nice idea for grouping Ivan, I'd never thought like that before. But here is some little correction from me to you.  
  
Started in 1981 , salaries that had ...  
  
Started in 1981 , almost one-third school ...  
However, in reverse, the spending for resources ...  
1) REPETITION . It is better for you to PARAPHRASE it. For example **In the first year / Began at 1981**  
  
2) REPETITION MEANING ---> However, in reverse --------> contradiction meaning.
Hi Mr Ivan, these are my thoughts towards your essay  
  
1. ... largest cost was infrastructures such as resources...  
2. ... for infrastructure allocations by **5 percent** while the furniture (...) a low point at **5 percent**  
[i think it will be better i you use 'a twentieth' rather than 5 percent]  
  
overall, your essay is well explained the data, however, it would be better if you avoid the use of percentage numbers such as 5 percent, 23 percent, etc, and paraphrase instead.  
  
thanks and goodluck
**These three pie charts show the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school in 1981, 1991, and 2001**  
  
The pie charts give the information about the percentage of money outcome because several factors by particularly UK school. Data covered in 1981, 1991, and 2001. Overall, it can be seen that the biggest outcome by a school was 'Teachers Salaries' category and over a three-year period this percentage was above 40 percent.  
  
The percentage of 'teacher salaries' category was a dramatic rise of 10 percent in 1991, but in 2001 this number fell gradually to 45 percent. Besides that, over three- years period the percentage of 'insurance' category was lower than others and this always rose by 1 and 5 percent in 1991 and 2001 respectively. From 1981 to 2001, the percentage of 'other workers salaries' category decreased extremely by 6 and 7 percent particularly.  
  
In 1981, the percentage of 'resources e.g books' category was same at 15 percent. Besides that, in 1991 the percentage of 'resources e.g books' category was greater than 'furniture and equipment' category 20 and 5 percent respectively. In contrass, in 2001 this category was lower than 'furniture and equipment' category at 9 and 23 percent particularly.
Dear @Wilyaftika23, these are my correction and advices for your work:  
  
The pie charts give the information about the percentage of money outcome because of several factors by particularly UK school with data collected in 1981, 1991, and 2001.  
  
Overall, it can be seen that (...) this percentage was above 40 percent. => you should not add specific numbers to the overview sentence.  
  
The percentage of 'teacher salaries' category was ... => There was a dramatic rise in the percentage of 'teacher salaries' category by 10 percent in 1991.  
  
Besides that => "Besides" or "In addition to that" or "In addition" only  
  
Besides that, over three- years period the percentage ... => You should rewrite this sentence to make it clearer. Sorry, I don't know your question so can't clarify it immediately.  
  
Generally, you should avoid repeating the same word many times, such as "category" or "besides that". Try to diversify your expression. Good luck !
...and over a three-year period this percentage was ...  
1) THREE YEAR OR THIRTY YEAR ? Be careful of this.  
  
... category was lower than **THE** others and this...  
2) ARTICLE "THE"  
  
In 1981, the percentage of'resources e.g books' category was same at 15 percent.  
Besides that, in 1991 the percentage of 'resources e.g books' category was greater than 'furniture and equipment' category 20 and ...  
In ~~contrass~~**contrast**, in 2001 this category was lower than 'furniture and equipment' category at 9 and ...  
3) REPETITION. You should AVOID THIS !  
  
4) TYPO . contrass ---> CONTRAST