dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***WRITING TASK 2 (November 5, 2016)  
  
Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
  
What other measures do you think might be effective?***  
  
The policy of the government in increasing the price of petrol can be the one's solutions of traffic improvements and emissions problems today especially in big cities. However, the traffic jam and highly emissions in the big cities had been already public crucial problems which should get right solutions immediately.  
  
In some things, traffic jam can be seriously obstacle for have been beginning some works in a timely. Moreover, the people needs for studying or working in time efficiently cannot happen if the traffic jam yet getting the solutions soon. For example, in Jakarta which as the capital of Indonesia, automatically make it had been the highest traffic's rate. As an impact, the people who have been staying in Jakarta should begin their day earlier than other people in other regions such as going to the office or school at 4 or 5 am for avoiding the traffic jam but should be arriving home in the night at 7 or 8 pm depends on their home distances. They have been passing these conditions in every day repeatedly as their routine activities. Not few people feel to be exhaust with their activities. For instance, the people have been experiencing psychological problems potentially such as become stressed or frustration, and the last results their productivities in works and studies had been influenced too.  
  
As a solution where the government has been increasing the price of the petrol can be used for makes the roadway becomes wider than recent or can to make some free-way roads such as building the monorail-way or bypass-way. Otherwise, the fund can be used for developing some green spots in the city center such as the greening actions for reduces emissions in the big cities.  
  
To sum up, undergo the raising of the petrol price, the problems of traffic jam and high emission produces in the cities will be declined.  
  
(313 words)
Hello,  
... price of petrol can be theone's (one of or just say one ) solutions of (...) and emission~~s~~ problems today especially in big cities.  
What other measures do you think might be effective? 《 emphasize this question  
  
Moreover, the people need~~s~~ for studying or ...  
..., automatically make it had (HAS) been the ...  
Not few people feelto be exhaust with their activities.  
... productivities in works and studies had been influenced too.  
  
... becomes wider than recent or can~~to~~make some ...  
... as the greening actions for reduces (reducing ) emissions in the big cities.  
Gluck
Hi sarlinda, I want to make some comments  
  
1. ... improvements and emission~~s~~ problems ...  
If there are two noun (emission and problem) and you want make it plural, you can add 's' on the last noun. So 'emissions problems' should be replaced by 'emission problems'.  
  
2. for have ~~been beginning~~begun some works in a timely ...  
It is better for you to present perfect for meaning this sentence.  
  
3. ... or working in time efficiently that cannot happen if ...  
You can use conjunction to make it easier to read because you have connection word between one phrase and the following phrase.  
  
Thank You  
Keep Writing  
Break a leg
It is universally accepted that there are a lot of causes of deforestation. First and foremost, population explosion all over the world is one of the major factors affecting deforestation. The birth rate has increased in a rapid way, whereas the death rate is declining. In other words, we need more food products to meet our demand. As a result, a huge amount of trees and plants are fell down in order to grow crops and cattle. In addition, over-population means that more lands are required to establish housing and settlements. If the crop produce is low, human beings have to cultivate more, which leads to further encroachment on forestland. The second point is involved in logging. That wood industries like paper or furniture demand a substantial amount of timber results in tree chopping as well. Furthermore, that loggers build roads to access more and more remote forests leads to further deforestation. Briefly stated, deforestation is the consequence of both population growth and unlimited logging.
Hi, and welcome to the EssayForum (EF), Yen! We are here to help all members to enhance their writing. Without further ado, let's have a look on your essay.  
  
Firstly, the above essay looks simple and readable. I like the way of how the ideas connected from one sentence to each other by using some transitional words. Be careful with using transitional words because improper and overly used the words impact to one's essay. To improve your writing further, you may consider the following notes:  
  
- "...trees and plants are ~~fell~~cut down in order to..."  
- "~~That~~W ood industries like paper or furniture..." *(It is inappropriate to start the sentence with word "That")*  
  
Hope this helps! Good luck with your practice!
Hi there, let me give some suggestion to you:  
First and foremost , population explosion(...) is one of the major factors affecting deforestation  
  
1) You doing REPETITION for emphasizing your idea. In the beginning you already said "foremost" and you said again with "major factors". So, i think it is enough to select one oft them.  
  
The birth ratehas increased in a rapid way, whereas the death rate is ~~declining~~has declined  
  
2) Look at the form, you already use present perfect, so it mus be followed by present perfect too  
  
3) REPETITION. You can change death rate into the level of death / the amount of people's death
**This three pie charts show the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school in 1981, 1991, and 2001**  
  
The three pie charts inform about the total cost which particular school in UK spent for its necessary during 30 years. Overall, teacher's wages were the highest school's money spent for, and insurance was the lowest funding by the school.  
  
In 1999, school must give as much 40% of total fund to pay teacher's salaries. The second larger was other worker's salaries of 18%. However, resources and furniture had the same cost as to be paid by 15 percent. Then, insurance was disbursed just below 2%.  
  
Ten years later, fund allocation for teacher's salaries increased to 50%. However, the percentage of other employee's commissions fell to 20. Then, necessity of books rose by 5%. Furniture and insurance only paid for fewer than 5 percent from total of money.  
  
In the following year, school must pay the fees of teachers and other employees were lower than before by declining around 5 percent. Resources like books dramatically decreased to 9%. Nevertheless, furniture and insurance needed 23 and 6 percent of funding respectively. 169w  
  
*   
*pie charts*
Hello miss Anna.  
  
1. in academic writing, numbers up to ten you should write as words (four, five) and numbers over ten you should write as pictures (15, 2000)  
  
e.g. ... rose by five percent. ... fewer than five percent ...  
  
2. Verb (decreased) + Adj (dramatically)  
you can use percent as symbol % when write numbers as figures  
  
e.g. Resources like books ~~dramatically~~ decreased dramatically to ~~9%~~ (nine percent).  
... insurance needed 23% and nine percent of ...  
  
overall well done. good luck
Hi there.. Your writing is great, but there are some correction to make it better..  
  
spent for its ~~necessary~~(necessity) during 30 years.  
  
In ~~1999~~ , school must give --> there is no 1999 mention in the opening  
  
However, resources and furniture(s ) had the same cost ...  
  
In the following year , ---> you need to specified which year ?  
  
Thanks.
**Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
What other measures do you think might be effective?**  
  
The big problem that is faced by the most cities now is traffic crowded and the existence of vehicles induced pollution problems. Both of the problems give bad effect to society and our world. Therefore, some people say that increasing the price of petrol is the best solution to reduce the problems. I totally disagree about the notion, since I think that increasing the cost of tax to ownership vehicle is a better solution.  
  
The expensive of petrol cost do not answer the problem of traffic jam and emission in the city by that will encourage inhabitant desiring for buying private transport. Because improving fuel cost will improve the cost of public transport, which people prefer thinking to buy private vehicles to reduce the amount of money they have to spend. For instance, in my city, every improvement the amount of fuel, the amount of cost public transportation will improve. That case does not reduce the number of transportation that affect the crowded on the road. A month later, most motorcycle with new license numbers enliven the road. So, I think there is another way to solve this problem.  
  
In my view, increasing of tax is more effective than increasing the fuel cost. Because it will make people thinking twice before they buy a vehicle. People, who do not have transportation tools, do not involve paying tax. So, it is expected to urge people use public transportation than private transportation. The impact is the number of vehicles in the roadway lower than before, and it affects the amount of greenhouse gases that is produced by transportation.  
  
All in all, improving the amount of tax which people have to pay is more effective than increasing the cost of fuel. Since, the expensive of petrol incite people to buy private car/motorcycle that will be more increase the compactness clogging and the higher vehicles; the higher emission will be yielded to cause pollution. 320w
Aloha here are my thoughts;  
  
(1) The big problem ~~that is~~(omitting of adjective clause) faced by the most ...  
(2) Both of the problems ~~give~~bring~~bad~~negative effect ~~to society and our world~~for our society and the world. .  
(3) Therefore, some people ~~say~~argue that increasing (...) is the best ~~solution~~way to ~~reduce~~tackle//solve the problems.  
(4) however, I totally disagree (...), since ~~I think that~~ increasing the cost of ...  
(5) ~~The expensive of petrol cost do not answer the problem of ...~~(straight to the point by explaining your reasons)  
(6) ~~Because~~first of all, improving fuel (...) of public transport, in which people prefer ~~thinking~~ to buy private vehicles to ...  
(7) For instance, in my city, every ~~improvement~~increasing(**improvement** is appropriate for something grow or developed) the amount of fuel,(...) transportation will ~~improve~~be more costly .  
  
(8) thus, That case does not ...  
(9) ~~So, I think there is another way to solve this problem.~~  
(10) In my view, increasing ~~of~~ tax is more effective ...  
(11) it is Because it will make (...) they buy a private vehicle.  
(12) ~~So~~Therefore , it is expected to ...  
  
I am waiting for your feedback, thank you and keep writing ^^
These three pie charts show the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school in 1981, 1991, and 2001  
  
The pie charts give the information about outcome aspects in the one of school in the UK according in 1981, 1991, and 2001. Overall, The highest spending money was paid for teachers' salaries in the three different years. Most of the aspects fluctuated even there were an increase and decrease trends in insurance and salaries of other employees.  
  
In 1981, The school spending money to pay teachers' salaries and resources at 40 percent and 15 percent. By the next ten years there was an increased by 10 percent and 5 percent. In 2001, the percentage went down at 45 percent and 9 percent. Payment of furniture and equipment fluctuated In 1981 and 1991 slightly from 15 percent to 5 percent but increased by 18 percent in 2001.  
  
In contrast, in 1981 and 1991, the percentage of other workers' salaries fell by 6 percent while insurance payment rose by 1 percent. In the next decade, there was a slight decrease from 22 percent to 15 percent in salaries of other employees while insurance went up at 8 percent
**Hi Ifra.  
These are my thoughts towards your writing. Please, you provide your time to review my notes. Hopefully, those can help you.  
GOOD LUCK**  
  
... give the information about ~~outcome aspects in the one...~~ THE PERCENTAGE OF BUDGET ALLOCATED BY A SCHOOL IN UK FOR SOME ASPECTS IN THREE DIFFERENT YEARS; 1981, 1991, and 2001.  
  
Overall, The highest spending money was paid for teachers' ...  
To get the high score, you can directly demonstrate your ability to compare figures.  
***Overall, it is important to note that the school's management always had prioritized to allocate most of incomes for salaries of teachers, while the cost of insurance in the school had become the lowest expenditure.***  
  
In 1981, The school spending money to pay teachers' ...  
**Honestly, your body paragraph was less interesting. You have to be braver to show off. I mean you compare the figures. For example:**  
***Initially, the salaries for teachers successfully had become the highest spending in the school with the percentage at two-fifths. Meanwhile, the fund for the insurance broke a record as the lowest expenditure in the same year, regarding at 2%. Besides that, while two aspects, the learning resources and equipment, were the same level at 15%, the salaries for other workers started the second highest spending representing at almost twice as much in 1981,***
Hello miss ifra.  
let me give you some suggestion.  
  
1.number up to ten you should write as words (ten, five)  
  
2. to make your essay more interesting in writing numbers you can use percent as symbol %.  
  
3. preposition --> according to  
... of school in the UK ~~according in~~ during 1981, 1991, and 2001  
  
overall well done. good luck
**Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollutions problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
What other measures do you think might be effective?**  
  
In the recent years, many people prefer to using car to travel around. It will cause the congestion and pollution so that increasing petrol price is the best way to solve those problems. I believe that way can decrease the number of cars but the are cons in our society  
  
When the number of cars decline because of increment petrol price, inhabitants will protest to the government. Although people cannot buy the petrol, they do not have any comfortable choice to travel around the cities. For instance, increasing petrol which happened in 2015 made a confrontation from people because they cannot buy a petrol but government did not provide the feasible public transport. That is the reason why increasing petrol is not only the way to reduce the emission and congestion in many cities.  
  
On the other hand, traffic jam and pollution can be reduced by building the public facilitation. It will be more effective than only increasing the fuels. For example, Japan has shinkansen trains which are comfortable and fast kind of vehicle. Japan's inhabitant are always using that public transport to travel them everywhere. The impact of fascinating facilities in Japan provides the people comfortable in using that facilitation. As a result, it proved that building a convenience public transportation can reduce the utilization of cars.  
  
To sum up, increasing the fuels prices is not only way to reduce the pollution and gas emissions. Building convenience public transportation can reduce the use of cars. Inhabitants can automatically leaving their cars at home and changing their model of transportation. Hopefully, the other countries can solve their own problems with Japan as an inspiration.
Hello,  
  
...the number of cars butthe ???  
  
... from people because they cannot (could not) buy a petrol but ...  
That is the reason why increasing petrol is not only the way to reduce the emission and congestion in many cities.  
  
On the other hand, traffic jam and pollution... (contrast with your introduction, why you did not add this at the introduction )  
Japan's inhabitant(S) are always using ...  
  
..., increasing the fuels prices is not only way to ...  
  
gluck:D
**This three pie charts show the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school in 1981, 1991, and 2001.**  
  
The pie charts compare the number of spending in 1981, 1991 and 2001 at particular UK school. Overall, it can be seen that the total spending of teacher salary, furniture and equipment fluctuated in 3 years period, although there was small rose from 1991 to 2001. Spending for other workers salary and resources were decrease. And the total of spending insurance was gradual increase.  
  
In 1981, the percentage of spending teacher salary stood at 40 percent, buying books were began 15 percent, insurance 2 percent , furniture and equipment as much as 15 percent and salary of other workers was 28 percent.  
  
There was a large rise in total of spending teacher salary and resources like books in 1991 as much as 50% and 20%. However, this percentage was bigger than I 2001, where was the percentage slight rise 45 and 9. While spending of insurance rose 3 percent and this percentage smaller than 2001, where was 8 percent. On the other hand, buying furniture and equipment saw a dramatic jump from 1991 to 2001 at 5% to 23%. And then in 3 years period declined gradually between 1991 and 2001, where was 28 percent to 23 percent and the end 15 percent.  
  
*
**Hi Miss Rezki.  
Here are my few corrections to finalize your writing.**  
  
Overall, it can be seen...  
*Keep in your mind that the overview of writing task 1 is really essential so that you should analyze conditions of figures well. I am gonna offer you the alternative overview, and I really hope you can understand steps which I do to get that.*  
  
***Overall, it can be obviously seen that the management of the school always had prioritized to allocate most of the budget for salaries of teachers, while the cost of insurance in the school had become the lowest expenditure. Based on changes in the figures, only the percentage of the insurance had experienced movement significantly and regularly.***  
  
I have read your body paragraph closely, but there was an odd thing. Its reason is because you make this like listing the data. You have to remember your job in the writing task 1 is to compare the figures, not to describe separately. Please, you review the example I give.  
  
In 1981, the percentage of spending teacher salary ...  
***Initially, the salaries of teachers commanded the highest spending in the school with the percentage at two-fifths. Meanwhile, the budget for the insurance broke a record as the lowest expenditure in the same period, representing at 2%.***  
  
I really hope those can help to get the key points of the writing task 1. As many as you read the examples, you can find the sense of the writing task 1. Trust me, you can master this skill on condition that you wanna practice more and more.  
  
Keep writing  
GOOD LUCK
The charts illustrate about the modifying of detail expenditures which relatives by a certain UK school during three decades started from 1981 to 2001. Overall, all of the features had been gradually increased step by step during three decades, where the teachers' salaries had been the highest percentages of the school expenditures in each decade.  
  
Among to the next decades in 1981, 1991 until 2001, the expenditure of features had been changed inconsistently where the insurance budget's had been gradually increased by 1 % until reached 6 % in 2001. Contrast with other features that had been changed in every decade where others staff's salaries had been declined gradually with fair significant by 13 % in 2001 than in 1981. But the book's provided, school's necessary and teacher's salaries had been fluctuated trends with up and down expenditures during decades where the books provided had been dropped to 9 % and the school's equipment had been jumped to 23 % otherwise the teacher's salaries had been dropped to 45 % in 2001 after had been declined by 5 % since in 1991 but still had been the highest percentage of all the expenditure features over the decades.  
  
(197 words)
Hello miss Sarlinda this is my suggestion  
  
1. V [Increased] + Adj [gradually]  
... features had been ~~gradually~~ increased (gradually) step by step (...) the highest percentage~~s~~ of the school ...  
  
2. numbers up to ten should write as words [six, one] and numbers over ten should write as pictures [2001, 75]  
... next decades in 1981, 1991 until 2001, (...) budget's had been ~~gradually~~ increased (gradually) by ~~1 %~~ (one percent) until reached ~~6 %~~ (at) (six percent) in 2001.  
  
3. than--> explaining there is a comparison. [bigger......than....]  
... had been declined gradually with fair significant by 13 % in 2001 (which is bigger) than in 1981  
  
overall good job
Q: **Some people spend a lot of time watching sports programs on TV or following their favorite sports teams. Does this have a negative influence on the lives of these people?**  
  
People have their own entertainments to perform in their leisure time and these hobbies usually make them fresh and joyful. Among entertainments, following favorite sports teams is one the most popular activities which youngsters enjoy it a lot and do it along with their peers. Even though some people believe that following a favorite team can be worthwhile, I, personally, believe that this activity has several negative influences on the lives of people and change their behaviors badly over time. I feel this way due to two reasons which I will explore in the following paragraphs.  
  
To begin with, as I have witnessed, when people are watching a live contest, they scream, shout, and cry loudly and it does not matter where they watch the match, either at home or a club. In this situation, they make lots of noise which sometimes bother the other people who are present near to them. In my own experience, when I was a senior in high school, my brother, who is 4 years older than me, was watching a live soccer game which was an important match between local teams. As I remember, he shouted and cried all 90 minutes of the match such that I could not study even one page of my mathematics course during the match. It really annoyed me because I had an exam the next day and I needed a silent zone to focus on my course.  
  
Secondly, when their team wins, the people are happy and so excited and when their team loses, they are angry. In this way, their extraordinary happiness or anger can negatively affect their lives. For instance, I have an uncle who is an actual fan of a Volleyball team and always follows its matches. Two years ago, his team had a very important match in the world league and he was really excited thanks to the match. Fortunately, his team won the game and at the time my uncle was very joyful about it. As his wife told us, after the game, he had started to call many of his friends and invited all of them to a luxury restaurant. He had paid much money, virtually half of his salary in a month, to show his happiness to his friends! Or in another example, his wife told us after a match, which his favorite team had lost the game, he had become very angry and upset, afterward, his behavior with his wife and his children had been awful for 3-4 days!  
  
To sum up, although having something to follow can be entertaining, sometimes they negatively influence the lives of people. People should be strongly careful about the effects of being a fan of sports teams. They must watch their own behavior during and after the matches.