dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***Some people think that hosting an international sports event is good for the country, while some people think it is bad.***  
## Discuss both views and state your opinion.

  
  
Sports events, especially international ones, have always been attracting lots of attention worldwide. It is argued that these events can bring many benefits to the host country. Personally, I completely agree with this view and this essay will clarify my view further.  
  
First and foremost, a chance to host a global sports event can bring about a good opportunity to boost the local economy through tourism. Once a country has been chosen as the gathering place of an event, it will certainly become the centre of attraction. To be more specific, there will be more infrastructure built to meet the demand of visitors from all over the world. As a result, the living standards of the local will also be raised, and there is likely to be a dramatic development in the domestic economy. Take Russia for example. Their people and government gained a lot of money during the 2018 World Cup that took place there.  
  
In addition, a competition held in the native country can create a more relaxing environment for the local athletes. In particular, when they come out into the stadium, they know for sure that most of the audiences are supporting them through applause, slogans and yellings. That will obviously give them strength and motivation to play against the other team. Moreover, the host country will have the priority over others in terms of adding their favourable sports as well as eliminating disadvantageous ones.  
  
In conclusion, a country can benefit a lot from an international sports event through both material and spiritual aspects.
This is a multiple point of view and comparison discussion. It is unfortunate that youdid not use the required paragraph presentation. Your focus was only on your personal point of view when the requirement was to   
  
DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND STATE YOUR OPINION.  
So the presentation required a focus on the following, within 3 reasoning paragraphs:  
  
- hosting an international sports event is good for the country  
- some people think it is bad.  
- STATE YOUR OPINION.  
  
The first 2 paragraphs require an explanation ofthe public reasons based on assumed information on your end. Use of thirdand first person pronouns would be useful in increasing your GRA score.Your discussion is incomplete and doesn't offer the needed explanations based on the original requirements. The restatement is already a failure due to the inaccuracy of your paraphrasing. The selective discussion you chose to write about will result in a non-passing final score as your overall discussion is incomplete and therefore, not within minimum word requirements.
Thanks a lot for helping me guys  
  
Task 1:  
## The diagram shows how chocolate is produced.

  
***Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.***  
  
The diagram delineates the step-by-step production of chocolate.  
Overall, it is readily apparent that this linear, man-made procedure involves 10 steps, grouped into 4 main stages, starting with the harvesting, followed by raw processing, roasting and finalizing with the formation of the standard chocolate product.  
  
Looking at the first stage, one can see that red pods are riped from the cacao tree, which are grown mainly in South America, Africa, and Indonesia. After being harvested, the pods are cored, taking the white cocoa beans out for further processing. The beans are then fermented in large trays, which subsequently being spread in sun to dry out the moisture. Turning to the next phase, the beans are put in large sacks prior to being transported to the factory by train or lorry.  
  
In the next phases, the beans are roasted at 350 Celcius degrees, before being crushed to remove the outer shell. In the final stages, the inner part is pressed into liquid chocolate, which is the product that customers are commonly familiar with.  
  
*
Your summary overview had a good start but then, you dropped the ball when you tried to summarize the procedure. Rather than the continuous presentation, you should have inserted pauses in between. Instead of commas, you should have created a more informative overview by using clear sentence presentations instead. You didnot need to try and compress everything into one sentence. That creates a confusing presentation fear the reader, who has to track what you have written.  
  
Based on the series of related images, you should have used the 4 paragraph report. It would have allowed for a better and clearer explanation of the manufacturing proceeds. The better explained the process, the clearer itis to the reader. Don't rush. Always outline your discussion before writing the draft. Avoid passing off the draft as your final paper. Always review and improve the presentation first.
## Today many countries import food from different parts of the world. Is this a positive or negative development?

  
It is true that the global import of food is becoming a norm in various countries. Although there are certain benefits of such a trend, I would argue that this is a negative development.  
  
In my opinion, the rise in food imports could be seen as progress in some ways. When foods are being imported, there are a number of strict international standards to monitor the quality level of the products. This would surely ensure food safety because it encourages competition among food processing companies and only the best products end up on the market. At the same time, imports give people access to a wider range of choices and mitigate the likelihood of food shortages resulting from local production risks. For example, people in a country whose climate and land are unfavorable for the cultivation of fruits and vegetables still have fresh bananas, mangoes, tomatoes, or potatoes anytime they desire.  
  
Despite the positives mentioned above, I believe that the increased reliance of many countries on foreign food is negative in the long term. Firstly, the national food security will depend on the political, economic, and social stability in other countries elsewhere, and therefore are vulnerable and unsustainable. Secondly, food imports may have an adverse effect on local production since it could lead to lower prices that perhaps most local small-scale producers are not able to compete with. This means that many people would be discouraged or deprived of jobs, resulting in a decline in the domestic food industry. And finally, it also shifts demand towards foreign foodstuffs because tastes and preferences change as the locals get used to the non-traditional cuisine.  
  
In conclusion, while I recognize the possible positive aspects of the import of foods to a country, I consider it to be a negative trend overall.
~~It is true that~~ the global import of food is becoming a norm in various countries.  
This statement is unnecessary as it does not address a specific discussion requirement in the original prompt or discussion instruction. Note the portions I struck out of the sentence. the . portion was the only required presentation.  
  
a negative development.  
Based on what simplified reasoning presentation? The thesis statement requires the presentation of the discussion basis. Summarize the 2 upcoming discussion points in support of your opinion. It will create a clear task/ discussion flow.  
  
imports give people access to a wider range of choices  
This paragraph runs counter to your presented opinion. Therefore, it should not be discussed in this single opinion presentation. Once the word count for this section is disregarded, you could get an automatic failing score for coming in at less than 250 words. Always present, supporting only, unless otherwise specified.
## The graph shows the consumption of 3 spreads from 1981 to 2007

  
  
The line graph illustrates changes in the per capita consumption of margarine, low fat - reduced spreads, and butter between 1981 and 2007  
  
Overall, it is noticeable that butter was by far the most popular of the three types of spreads for the majority of the 26 - year period. However, a considerable rise can be seen in the consumption of low fat-reduced spreads, with figures eventually surpassing those for consumption.  
  
Between 1981 and 1986, butter consumption rose from around 140grams to a pick of 160 grams per year. During the same period, consumption of margarine stood at 85 grams and decreased significantly. Low fat-reduced spreads were by far the least most popular used.  
  
By 2007, the amount of butter had plummeted to around 50grams, by the consumption of low fat-reduced spreads reached the highest point, at 89grams in 2001 and declined slightly. By contrast, there was a hit the lowest point of 40 grams in the number of margarine.  
  
(171 words)  
  
*
For clarity purposes in the summary, separate the sentence presentations based on topic. The better format would be:  
  
Sen. 1 - Topic and image reference  
Sen. 2 - Listing of image sources and measurement reference  
Sen. 3 - Years of reference  
Sen. 4 - Trending sentence ( optional )  
  
When presenting the summary this way, you show a clear preliminary analysis as applied to the immediately observable and noticeable information. The increased TA score is applied to the complete and understandable presentation of this paragraph. The maximum score boost happens in this section.  
  
There is plenty of room for more analysis of the provided information. By using at least 3 sentences to represent the data, you allow for individualized topic focus. You will show a true comprehension of the data. One explanation per sentence. Do your best to create a grouped discussion for comparison points. Do not lump the topics into a single sentence . This essay needs to be scannable for information. so clear sentence references are a must for the presentation development.  
  
You overlooked the equal points reference in the image. This is the point where the measurements met or crossed paths. Those are also notable reference points in relation to market consumption. While you may discuss any points you wish, the equal points comparison helps show better analysis and in the process, task accuracy.
Task:  
## **Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?**

  
*Classmates are a more important influence than parents on a child's success at school.  
Write an essay of about 250 words to express your point of view on this topic.*  
  
My essay:  
"Oh no, our child is not the one he was anymore! It was all because of those bad friends! We hold no influences over them any more!", some parents probably, being overly dramatic at their child's performance at school. The truth is, the parents role is just as crucial as the child's classmates.  
  
Classmates, as known as people learning in the same class in a school, belong to the child's second social circle. During at least everyday's 8 most awaked hours, classmates learn, play, sleep, talk with others, helping each other through hard times and good times, affecting how healthy the learning environment is significantly. Moreover, because humans are social animals, many children would change the way they speak, act, think in order to fit in a group and have a sense of belonging. For students, the school is a miniature society where classmates is the majority. Our success depends heavily on how well we win the majority's hearts.  
  
However critical is the role of the classmates, it doesn't mean the parent's influences on the students' performances is any smaller. There are 3 reasons support this claim. First, no matter how much fun the children had outside, they still come home at the end of the day. Parents' unconditional love and care is their greatest shield and moral sword to conquer the dragon of knowledge. Second, the influences of the man and woman who have spent time with them for years and taught them the first lessons cannot disappear over the night. It lurks deep in our unconscious and subconscious mind, affecting all our choices in life, including our hobbies, world views and why we choose those friends. Lastly, parents still hold the greatest authority over the child, legally and culturally. This authority can be used to guide the child on the right path to success at school.  
  
In conclusion, parents and classmates play critical role on how well students do at school. Lacking one factor and our chance to success will decrease dramatically.  
  
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Sorry, I kinda give up in the conclusion part. Thank you for your feed backs.
Your approach to writing this essay is not in an appropriate task 2 format. I therefore, have to ask, are you writing this for the IELTS task 2 test or for a totally different, perhaps national English test in you country? I wish you had clarified that for me. Just so I could apply the relevant review to your written work. Well, I'll do my best based on what you have written here. I hope my advice can help.  
  
The first paragraph is normally a formal representation of the original using your own words. It normally avoids a creative writing presentation using dialogue as that is not considered an academic writing approach. These essays do not require " hooks" in the manner you have done. It is understood that the paragraph is used to represent your formal understanding of the topic and reason through your originally worded explanation and opinion. I do not believe your opening approach is correct. At least, not based on formal, academic English writing.  
  
Due to your justification paragraph supporting the importance of the influence of classmates, you have contradicted your opinion indicating the sole importance of the parental influence. This confuses the total presentation, proving that you failed to understand the single opinion discussion instruction and, that you do not a really have a supported opinion. If this were a task 2 essay, you would have already gotten a failed TA score.  
  
The conclusion is only one of the many ewars in this essay. There are serious GRA concerns throughout each paragraph. From singular V. plural, sentence formation, and punctuation errors, we have our work cut-out for us. Do not worry though. I am willing to work with you. That is, if you want to work with me. We can start by you telling me what English test you are preparing for in your next post.
***The table shows the Proportions of Pupils Attending Four Secondary School Types Between Between 2000 and 2009.***  
  
## Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

  
  
Answer :  
  
The table indicates the number of students attending four kinds of secondary school from 2000 to 2009.  
  
Generally, there was a notable decline in the number of students who applied for Voluntary-controlled schools, as well as in specialist schools, and grammar school. In contrast, the percent of students studying in community schools rose significantly over the period.  
  
Firstly, as taking a closer look at the number of voluntary-controlled school attendants, it is apparent that the percentage made up more than a half of the total number of students at 52% in 2000, but then decreased prominently to 38% in 2005 and reached its bottom at 20% in 2009. Meanwhile, number of attendants in community schools which just accounted for a small part of 12% at the beginning of the period increased greatly to 32% in 2005 and became the majority of the school attendants for 58% in 2009.  
  
On the other hand, similar to voluntary-controlled schools, the amount of specialist schools and grammar schools students also decreased gradually through time, as the percentage of specialist schools pupils slightly dropped from 12% to 10% in 2009 and grammar schools' fell a bit faster from 24% to 12% in the period.  
  
*
Give a more defined description of the table. Indicate the number of rows and columns as these will help with the creation of the mental picture of the provided image. Do not rely on an over statement, rather than trending statement to make up the summary over view. Start the comparisons in the second paragraph. Based on the info provided, this should be completed asa 4 paragraph report. That means, you should combine the trending statement in the summary overview. That type of presentation will help you meet the 3 sentence per paragraph.  
  
As for the rest of your paragraphs, you do not really have an analysis presented in each. Rather, you created run-on sentences of data. The presentations do not have a clear analysis presented as the focus was only on quick information dissemination as opposed to a thorough comparison per year for each section. This presentation nor resulted in missing punctuation marks, which means several GRA deductions will be made along with C&C reductions.  
  
This a good effort. You know how to present information but, you need to work on the clear analysis part since that is a major skill requirement for higher studies in the US, UK, Australia, and other parts of the Western and European hemisphere.
## music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together

  
  
It is often said that that songs help to connect others around the world. Personally, I totally agree that it would be a good idea and the reasons are as follows.  
  
On the one hand, there are a variety of songs written about the phenomena and events of our planet that would attract people of different countries and ages. Firstly, the lyrics of these songs represent the same spirit of humanity. It makes us have the same views of everything around our life and brings people together. Secondly, most of these songs usually have catchy melodies and easy-understood lyrics to sing along to. This can be illustrated by the song named "Waka-waka", the theme song of World Cup 2014 competition. Not only did it make people sway along to "Waka-waka" but it also showed the spirit of sporty lovers on this planet.  
  
On the other hand, some people explore and make friends in other cultures by listening to music. Undoubtedly, songs in each country have their own characteristics, including: rhythm, language and meaning of lyrics. After understanding other nations through the music, listeners can easily visualize their citizens. People create relationships with foreign friends, who have the same favorite music as well as they understand a part of that person's personality. However, some songs that are contrary to the traditions would make a bad impression of people in other countries.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that an easy way to come closer, even with cultural or age differences, is through music.
Essays in this task that have at least 275-300 words in it tend to get better scoring considerations overall as it highlights better developed or explained paragraphs. It provides more clarity to the discussion hence, a higher score in each section.  
  
and the reasons are as follows.  
You will have a much clearer opinion presentation and TA score if you present the 2 supporting topics beforehand. It will set the tone of your opinion and allow a proper overview of the discussion paragraphs.  
  
Avoid making comparative discussions within essays that ask for a single opinion for the presentation. The test requires you to prove that you can defend your opinion based on acceptable reasons. If the essay instruction does not indicate any of the following, then it is not a comparative essay :  
  
Compare and contrast  
Discuss both the advantage and disadvantage  
Discuss both views  
  
The reasoning development should only be in a single point of view for all prompts that do not provide the above discussion format/requirement.
First of all, you should check your writing thoroughly so that you won't lose marks on Grammatical Range and Accuracy:  
*It is often said that ~~that~~ songs help to ...*  
*... make a bad impression ~~of~~  **on** people ...*  
Secondly, you mentioned this piece of argument in your paragraph:  
***However, some songs that are contrary to the traditions would ...***  
I strongly advise you not to do this because it goes against your initial point of views in your essay. You could only mention it when you want to create a counter-argument as a way to strengthen your argument or when the instructions require you to make a comparative essay  
  
Thirdly, some of your arguments seem a little bit off and vague:  
**In conclusion, I believe that an easy way to come closer, even ...**  
Do you mean that *an easy way to connect people of different cultures and ages is through music*?  
And finally, I suggest you write an essay that has 275 and above words since I believe that it would make your essay to be more precise and persuasive.
***Climate change is a phenomenon that affects countries all over the world.  
## Many peopLE STRONGLY BELIEVE THAT IT IS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF INDIVIDUALS, RATHER THAN CORPORATIONS AND GOVERNMENTS, TO DEAL WITH THIS PROBLEM.

  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?***  
  
Many people claim that individuals need to take responsibility in lieu of corporations and governments, to cope with the problem of climate change. While I agree that everyone has to take the pulse of climate action, I personally believe that it is unwise to downplay the role of the aforementioned organizations.  
  
On the one hand, if every citizen explores their possibilities for action and showcase solutions to environmental protection, they will mitigate the effects of climate change and keep a livable planet. One such example of this is that Ha Anh Tuan, who is a famous singer in Vietnam, spent his own money planting trees in Danang and Lamdong, an activity as part of the 'Forest of Vietnam' project he initiated. This action will reduce flood risk and absorb carbon dioxide in these central provinces where are battered by inevitable natural disasters every year. Hence, if individuals exert themselves at full bore for solving serious climate change and environmental degradation, humans may avoid such problems and have a better world.  
  
On the other hand, the role of governments in general and enterprises in particular is very important. In other words, they have the ability to affect large systemic changes in many ways. For example, China's government is on the way to launching carbon emissions trading scheme, which is expected to drive down overall carbon dioxide. Furthermore, corporations are positively contributing to curb climate change. Nowadays, social enterprises' actions produce a ripple effect with many other benefits such as eco-friendly and recycled products. Therefore, the onus of organizations can profoundly affect climate action.  
  
In conclusion, I believe although each person has to muster up the strength to save the world from climate change, governments and corporations still play an important role in this issue.
While I agree ... I personally believe that it ...organizations.  
Good response and thesis statement but, it is still missing the element of the measured response (to what extent ? ). Represent that with a descriptive emotional word or phrase:  
  
I could not agree more  
I strongly support  
I need to emphasize my support for  
  
Are a few examples of phrases that would have helped you meet the discussion requirement. While the response will be scored as is, you missed out on the higher scoring consideration by not offering the correct extent response.  
  
Skip the comparison discussion as you already said the government should be in charge (organizations). Defend that position using 2 relevantreasons. Remember, you will not be scored on paragraphs that do not relate to your opinion. In fact, your word count may go under the minimum due to the non-related discussion and create word percentage deductions due to your failure to then meet the minimum 250 word count.