dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
*The table below presents the number of children ever born to women aged 40-44 years in Australia for each year the information was collected since 1981.*  
  
The table provides information about the percentage of babies in Australia born from mother aged 40 - 44 years during over two decades, from 1981 to 2006. Overall, the proportion of women without child, having one child and two children experiences an increase while the women giving birth to three and four children decrease continuously until the last period.  
  
According to the given data, mothers without child and having one child increased gradually with the percentage almost same in each period, from 8.5% and 7.6% to 15.9% and 13.2% respectively. By contrast, however, mothers giving birth to three or four children have high number in the first period in 1981 about over 27%, but both of them experienced a decline in the last period, 2006.  
  
Furthermore, women with two children were the highest percentage during 25 years at all periods. While it had nearly same percentage in 1981 between 27% and 29%, in the last period only mothers having two children experienced an increase significantly reaching 38.3%.  
  
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hi Asmaraj, here I have some suggestions for your writing  
  
... of women without a child, having (...) experienc~~es~~ed an increase while (...) children decreased continuously until ...  
  
... three or four children ~~have~~had high number ...  
  
... 25 years at all periods~~. While it~~which had nearly same (...) 27% and 29%.~~,~~Moreover, in the last period, only mothers (...) experienced an significant increase ~~significantly~~ reaching 38.3%
**WRITING TASK 1 - SLEEP PATTERNS OF PEOPLE IN FIVE DIFFERENTS OCCUPATION**  
  
The chart presents people's kip scheme among five professions based on Canadian research result. Overall, it can be seen clearly that business executive and student has a regularly kip scheme everyday, while three other profession categories shown an irregular sleep scheme.  
  
Regarding to the data, a regular kip scheme are experienced by student and business executive. Either student or business executive start to sleep at around 11-12pm. However, student have more sleep time than business executive. Student's daily bedtime is eight hours while business worker only have six hours bedtime in a day.  
  
In contrast with those two categories, an irregular sleep scheme appear on these three profession categories ; truck driver, full time mother and doctor. Meanwhile, truck driver and fulltime mother have the same bedtime pattern ; fulltime mother has to divide her sleep time into three different parts and truck driver's time sleep have to divide into two. However, doctor has the fewest bedtime with only five hours a day.
dear friend,  
You wrote: ... that business executive and student has a regularly kip ...  
  
The subject "executive and student" seems plural. Unless these two items are normally understood to be one unit, use a plural form of the verb: ''have''.  
  
You wrote: ... are experienced by student and business executive. Either student ...  
  
The article is missing before the noun: ''a student', 'the student'' or " students"  
  
... an irregular sleep scheme appears on these three ...
Hi ainunazwaria, is the goal of this writing task to analyze the chart and to use words to describe the sleep patterns of people in different occupations?  
  
If so, then I think you hit the content well, but I only see a few grammatical errors. For example, in the sentence beginning with "Overall, it can be seen.." you should say "the business executive" and "the student". The verb for that sentence should be "have" and not "has" as you are talking about two groups. Also in that sentence you should at a "the" before "three other". Every time before student or business executive, there should be the article "the", just for grammar's sake.  
  
This sentence: "Either student or business executive start to sleep at around 11-12pm." is slightly confusing to me as well. I do not know what that is meant to say, so please elaborate.  
  
Also, consider changing the sentence: "However, student have more sleep time ..." to "However, the student gets more hours of sleep than the business executive. The student sleeps for eight hours, while the business executive only gets six hours in a day."
Hi, ainunazwaria, I;m trying to give some comments  
  
1. You have a good structure sentence and have an easy flow to be read. But, it is better for you to insert the image to make the readers easy to understand about your essay.  
  
2. However, students have more sleep ...  
Because student is singular, hence, it must be followed by singular verb  
in this sentence students should be added 's'  
  
3. ... worker only have six hours ~~bedtime~~ in a day.  
To make it simple and do not have repetitive, eliminate the second 'bedtime' because you have already mentined before.  
  
Thank you  
Break a leg for you, keep writing
**Task 1 IELTS; The Number of People who travelled abroad**  
  
The table gives the information about the number of people in three different countries who visited abroad during a decade, started 1985 to 1995, it calculated by million. Overall, at the first glance, it is evident that the most dramatic increase occurred for Japanese people. In contrast, Canadian experienced a slight decrease, while the figure for Australian remained stable.  
  
Regarding the table, even though Japanese people had the smallest proportion to travel abroad, by 4.9 million in 1985, a dramatic increase occurred after a decade about three-fold in 1995. This phenomenon was contrasted when it was for Canadian tourists which as the second highest proportion in 1985, it experienced slight decrease precisely 5 million in the following given year, from 6 to 5.5 million.  
  
In addition, for the purpose of Australian people who spent their time to travel abroad, they broke the record of the highest one. Yet, its trend showed stable which increased very slightly, from 7.1 to 7.2 million between 1985 and 1995 respectively.
Hello ahmad Nashran  
  
... during a decade, started **from** 1985 to 1995, it ...  
  
Don't forget usually ---> from ..... to..... or between .... and.....  
  
For the next, I suggest you must upload the figures, so i can look at the figures and correct some your mistakes related not only the grammar but also the data.  
  
Overall good writing and keep fighting !
Hello! I will give you some opinions about your essay.  
  
(1) ... started **from** 1985 to 1995  
(2) Regarding the table, ~~even though~~**although** Japanese people had ...  
(3) ... contrasted when ~~it was for~~ Canadian tourists ~~which as~~**reached** the second highest ...  
(4) ... decrease precisely **by** 5 million in the ...
**Writing Task 1, Number of children ever born, women aged 40-44 years old.**  
  
The given table shows the information regarding number of children ever born to women aged 40-44 years old in Australia during twenty five years from 1981 to 2006, measured by percentage. Overall, it is really important to notice that marginally women tend to have two children instead of more or less, while none of kids' proportion always experienced a upward trend over these period.  
  
Initially, in the first two years, a slight plummet was seen in the bar of four or more children and three children which stood at similar level aroud 27 %. It was followed by none and one child which increased slowly about one percent. The highest appeared to be true which comes from almost less than a third then reached 35 % in the next following year.  
  
Eventually, the former' bar far left the other that had proportion nearly two-fifths. While the percentage of women who ever gave birth three and four or more children experienced a decrease slighly. Interestingly, an upward trend dramatic were sustained by the other categories in the last year.  
  
*
**Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society.  
Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion**  
  
People needs other people since they born until they are grow up and die. People is the social human. So, since a child, they must have lesson about life for their parents and after they school, teachers have responsibility to teach students about life. I think, parents and teachers in the school is very essential to help children learning about how to be a good in the environment.  
  
Parents is the first teacher from a child. Since they are babies, children's already have learned how to communicate with other people. Such as, mother teach their child to speak polite with their brother when they want to play together. Then, what their mother said to them, it was used by them in life until they become members of citizens. Before they school, parents have responsibility to teach their children about skills when they are adapt with other, such as how to be good in relation with partner, communication with oldest people or become a leader in the future. As a results, parents is very significant to teach children about life, because childrens and parents have a strong relationship and they are spend long time with parents in the home.  
  
After children are school, teachers have responsibility to students to teach about how build relation with society. For instance, children learn about social materials. In there, they can learn more about environment and population than parents learn to them. As a results, teachers is very essential for help children become social human.  
  
To sum up, people learn about life from there are babies until they oldest. Parents and teachers in the school have very essential responsibility for children do development skills them in the around. Personally, I believe, without them children cannot have more knowledge about how to be the best in social life.
**INTRODUCTION  
  
OVERALL, I LIKE THE WAY YOU PRESENT YOUR INTRODUCTION AND GIVING DETAILS OR GENERAL STATEMENT RELATING TO THE TOPIC. IT IS SHORT AND EFFECTIVE DESPITE OF SENTENCE STRUCTURE ISSUE THAT MAY CAUSE PEOPLE GET DIFFICULTY TO CATCH YOUR IDEA. HERE I TRY TO REVISE YOUR PARAGRAPH WITHOUT CHANGE YOUR OWN IDEA:  
  
People needs ~~other people~~OTHERS since they born until they are ~~grow up~~FULLY GROWN UP/MATURE and die. [b]OR***people will always need others during they are growing up till the last breath*  
  
*People is the social human. So, since a child, they must have lesson about life for their parents and after they school, teachers have responsibility to teach students about life.* = People is a social creature, so since a child they must get lesson about life for their parents and teachers at school.  
  
*I think, parents and teachers in the school is very essential to help children learning about how to be a good in the environment.*  
= I believe that both parents and teachers are responsible for this issue and are very essential to help children learn how to become a good citizen.  
  
**As I mentioned before, this is an effective brief introduction. Thus, keep your performance to always make a good, simple, and effective introduction like this while enhance your writing skill, particularly in producing error-free sentences.**
**Task 1 IELTS; Information on Global Population Figures and Figures for Urban Populations**  
  
The line graph and bar chart give the information about the growth rates of global population and the prediction of population number in two different areas. For the purpose of world population growth, it is seen during three centuries started 1800 to the prediction in 2100, while the number of people who live in developed and developing areas will be predicted started 2015 to 2040. Overall, it can be seen that the global population increased gradually until 2000 and forecasted continually rise during four decades before will decline to last period, while the majority of people predicted will live in developing country with increasing gradually.  
  
In 1800, the number of people stood at 1 billion which followed by a gradual increase during one and a half centuries up to 6 billion. After this period, the number predicted will continually grow and reach a peak at approximately 8 billion people. However, in the next period, the trend will decline down to about 6 billion in the last given year.  
  
Furthermore, it is obvious that in the future time, the people will tend to live in the developing country. It is clear regarding the bar chart that there will be a gradual increase in every five years and 2040 forecasted will break the record of the highest one, about 4 billion people. By contrast, they who stay alive in a developed country will have stable figures in the whole of the given years.
Hallo.. here my suggestion for you.. i hope it works!  
  
... rates of global population from 1800 to 2100 and the prediction (...) different areas between 2015 and 2040  
~~For the purpose of (...) will be predicted started 2015 to 2040.~~  
... before will decline to THE last period. Meanwhile the majority of people predicted will live in developing country ...  
  
It looks like strong introductory especially in your overview. However, you made to long sentence in your overview. You can devide it becomes two sentences.  
  
1st Overall...  
2nd Meanwhile...  
  
Good luck
***Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.***  
  
To be nice people, children might be taught earlier. Some people argue parents have responsibility to teach them while others have another arguments in which school is the best place to train children better. In my perspective, both parents and school have each contribution to develop children's attitudes.  
  
Admittedly, children have more time to learn how to be good person with their parents. This is because parents have closest relationship with them. Therefore, kids can make their parents as good role model how to behave more polite to others. Taking my experience as an example, when I was a child, my father used to invite me to join some meetings whose participants are the famous people in my hometown. As a result, I personally feel more confident to meet people even they are from in the famous because I used to make a conversation with them.  
  
On the other hand, school also has an important contribution to make children sociable. It is because school is the second place where school-ages spend their time. Thus, school has big opportunity to teach and control them how to socialize with their friends. For instance, 60 percent of school in Indonesia utilize curriculum based on "gotong royong" where all subjects in school should be integrated about how to children improve their social skills such as how to be more polite with the elder and their friends. In short, school also has to encourage students to be more successful in their environment.  
  
To sum up, I believe children cannot change their bad habits unless they gain more lessons from both their parents and school. Therefore, both of them should collaborate to find the way how to educate their kids effectively because without paying attention from both, children will be impolite person in their future.  
  
**(299 words)**
**INTRODUCTION**  
  
overall, it well developed. you introduced both notions and then wrote your own opinion related to those.  
  
..., children might be NEED TO BE taught earlier.  
... while others have another argument~~s~~ in which school .....  
  
**BODY PARAGRAPH**  
1st paragraph: Appropriate idea and explanation, but giving inadequate example. less developed idea  
  
... to learn how to be good person ~~with~~FROM their parents. This is because parents have THE closest relationship with them.  
... parents as good role models ON how to behave ...  
Taking my experience as an example, when I was a child, my father used to invite me to join some meetings whose participants are the famous people in my hometown. As a result, I personally feel more confident to meet people even they are from in the famous because I used to make a conversation with them.FEEL CONFIDENT TO TALK WITH RENOWNED PERSONS IS NOT AN ADEQUATE EXAMPLE OF GOOD ATTITUDE.  
  
2nd paragraph:  
... where school-ages spend MOST their time. Thus, school has big opportunity to teach and control them how to socialize with their friends.HOW IMPORTANT SOCIALIZING WITH FRIENDS IN ORDER TO BUILD WELL CHARACTER IN CHILDREN FOR THE FUTURE?  
  
... encourage students to be more successful in their environment.WHY IT IS IMPORTANT FOR SCHOOL TO DO THIS??  
  
CONCLUSION  
  
... kids effectively because without ~~paying~~GETTING attention from both, children will be impolite personWHY ONLY IMPOLITE BEHAVIOUR IS ASSOCIATED WITH GOOD MEMBERS OF SOCIETY HERE? in their future.  
**OVERALL, YOU ADDRESSED THE TASK RESPONSE WELL ALTHOUGH YOU PRESENTED YOUR IDEAS POORLY..**
The table gives the information about the percentage of women aged 40-44 years gave birth to the different of children's number during 25 years, started 1981 to 2006. Overall, it can be seen that the highest proportion was the mothers who were born 2 children inthe the whole of the given years. Then, it followed by three children in the same period.  
  
According to the table, the majority of women aged 40-44 years gave birth to 2 children which there was slight growth in each provided years, namely more than a quarter to almost two-fifth in 1981 until 2006. While three children dominated the second level with average approximately a quarter. Yet, it seemed a declining trend.  
  
In the same condition, decreasing figure was also experienced by the aged mothers who had four or more children, by 27.6% in 1981 down to about one in ten. On the other hand, the rest number such as none and one child rose gradually with an average increase of about 3% in each year.
***The table below presents the number of children ever born to women aged 40-44 years in Australia for each year the information was collected since 1981.***  
  
The given table reveals regarding the percentage of juvenile ever born to women aged 40-44 in Australia in 1981, 1986, 1996, and 2006. Overall, it can be seen that after 1980's women with three or more children has declined and there were noticeably rise for women had not children at all.  
  
In 1981 and 1986, for women who with no children, one and two children proportion increased progressively at 9.7%, 8.7% and 35.6% in 1986 respectively; in contrast, women were more likely to have had three or more children markedly drop into 27.0% from 27.4% and 18.9% from 27.6% in 1986.  
  
In 1996 and 2006, all number of children that ever born had similar trend with the former years. There were significant jump the women were childless (12.8% and 15.9%) and only had one child (11.3% and 13.2%) in 1996 and 2006 from 1996 and 2006. Women aged in their early forties were had given birth two child had a very slight increase from 38.2% in 1996 to 38.3% in 2006. Moreover, the proportion who had three child and more were decline from 24.6% to 21.5% and 13.1% to 11% respectively.  
  
**(191 words)**  
  
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Hi wasisha..  
These are my corrections for your writing. Please, meet my notes and review them.  
^\_^  
... aged 40-44 in Australia in FOUR DIFFERENT YEARS; 1981, 1986, 1996, and 2006. Overall, it can be seen that MOST OF WOMEN IN THAT CATEGORY HAD TWO CHILDREN. INA ANY CASE, after 1980's, THE PERCENTAGE OF women with three or more children ~~has~~ HAD declined ~~and~~ , WHILE there were noticeably riseS for women WHICH had not children at all.  
  
**(Make you sure that each good paragraph has at least 3 sentences. Therefore, you should create 2 sentences for the overview)**  
  
~~In~~ BETWEEN1981 and 1986, for women (...) children proportion HAD increased progressively BY 1.2%, 1.1%, AND 6.6% ~~at~~~~9.7%, 8.7% and 35.6%~~~~in 1986~~(you should harnesS the past perfect here so that you display difference between two years) respectively; in contrast, women ~~were~~(Actually, here are whO and were, but I omit them) more likely to (...) markedly dropPED ~~in~~ to 27.0% from 27.4% ...  
  
(Pay attention to consitency of the tense)  
  
... that ever born had A similar trend ...  
There ~~were~~ WAS (Verb Agreement and articles are essential factors) A significant jump FOR THE RATE OF the women ~~were~~ childless ~~(~~ FROM 12.8% ~~and~~ TO 15.9%~~)~~ , and THE LEVELS OF WOMEN WHO only had one child WERE ~~(~~ IN11.3%(1996) and 13.2% (2006)~~)~~~~in 1996 and 2006 from 1996 and 2006~~
Topic : **in many countries, women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security that marriage can bring. To what your extent do you agree?**  
  
Have you ever heard about this sentence " Marriage is the grave of love"? There are many real stories about this. Nowadays, in many countries, women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security that marriage can bring. For me, I am a woman, I agree with this matter.  
  
In the past, when economy depended on agriculture, many families depended on the strength of men, husbands. Women rarely went to school or went outside to work, they usually stayed home, and did households. Their missions were to take care of children and to have more babies. Their lives depended hugely on their husbands, their sons. However, nowadays, when inventions about modern machines are applied to production that changes greatly in all of the aspects of lives. Conceptions also are renewed to fit better in life. Women have more opportunities, they can go to school, go to work, communicate with more people in society. Therefore, they improve themselves, they are not inferior to men, they can earn their own money for their needs and do not depend on men. The marriage is no longer a critical issue for them anymore.  
  
In the modern life, a conception is "to live what a true you are " or " be yourself" is popular, so the marriage is a string to make people feel no freedom. For some women, if they are lucky to have good husbands with nice kids, it is a perfect family that every woman wants to keep it forever. However, for some women, if they have bad husbands who usually leave houses, do not care for children or do not have to any job. This marriage is the hardest punishment to live with, so modern women do not want to live a life like this, they change themselves, maybe they just want to have babies but they do not want to get married.  
  
On the whole, women nowadays show more how good they are, how independent they are, they can do all things that men can do, they do not need the benefits could be brought from the marriage.
Sydney, your opening statement requires yo to completely spell out your opinion on the topic. What you wrote is an incomplete sentence because you did not specifically inform the reader as to what you are agreeing to. You can do this by revising your second sentence from being a general statement to your personal opinion instead. The third sentence should then be an assurance that a more complete discussion is coming up in the next few paragraphs.  
  
I think you are sharing a translation of your country's beliefs about marriage. Not everyone is going to be familiar with it and in this case, it does not really offer a clear meaning or sentiment to the reader. My advice, is to only use sayings, adages, and proverbs that are more commonly known and understood by a majority of the population. Otherwise, sayings like what you have in the last paragraph sense nonsensical to the reader.