dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Hello, @Wilyaftika23 Let me give you some corrections :)**  
  
Some experts ~~are~~ often claim that ...  
This essay will first discuss ~~about~~ ability of people ...  
... to study about ~~other~~**another** language in primary school ...  
  
... people can find **[the]** weakness to recall ...  
..., people have **[the]** ability to store a new ...  
  
... guide their children to learn ~~other~~**another**language.  
... time to memorize and practice ~~about~~ new vocabulary ...  
According to**[the]**research of (...) in **[the]** UK in 2009, ...  
  
... to save lots of new ~~vocabulary~~ => **vocabularies**and they have much ...  
... to improve quickly about **[the]** new language.  
  
**Keep Writing :)**
**Finland set to become first country to ban coal use for energy**  
  
Based on Peter Lund, a researcher from university of Aalto, say Finland will become the first country in the world which prohibits coal usage for energy to anticipate climate change issues and change to the renewable energy such wind power. The Finland's council will more focus on developing of alternative energy and the council poured more than 80 million euro to enhance the capacity. It means that power plants use coal will close which provide only 8 percent from total amount of energy in Finland. Not only Finland as a pioneer, another country such as UK, Austria and Netherlands also ban coal as a raw material for their power plant in 2023. Their hope with that plan can reduce emissions and global warming.  
  
source: Newscientist
Dioba,  
Here's my analysis towards your article summary. I hope you can follow through.  
  
- ~~Based on~~ Peter Lund, a researcher from the U niversity of Aalto, ~~say~~said that Finland will become...  
- ~~The~~ Finland's council/officials will ~~more~~ focus more on developing ~~of~~ alternative energy, (comma needed) and the council ~~poured~~pours/spends more than 80...  
- It means that power plants that use **coal will close which provide only 8 percent from total amount of energy in Finland.**(I have no idea why this part is quite confusing. Try to simplify your sentence pattern.)  
  
- Not only is Finland as a pioneer, ~~another country~~the other countries such as UK, Austria ...  
- ~~Their~~They hope with that plan they can reduce ...  
  
As you can see, your summary suffered from grammatical issues. Some sentences are even difficult to understand. My suggestion is that try to write in a simple way possible that can easily be understood by others. Remember, clarity is a MUST. :)
The graph reveals information about the figures of commodities transported in the UK from 1974 until 2002 by using four kinds of transportation. Those transportations were the road, water, rail and pipeline. Overall, most of the goods transported via those transportation systems presented the upward trends which increased gradually for 28 years.  
  
Looking at the details, the highest amount of commodities transported was shown by land transportation which was around 70 million tonnes in 1974 to approximately 100 million tonnes in 2002. As a result, it can be stated as a vast improvement among other mentioned transportation. In the second place, there was water transportation which gained about 20 million tonnes of goods in the observed years.  
  
Furthermore, the fluctuation trend came from rail transportation. In 1974, the usage of the train for transporting goods was quite similar with water transportation about 40 million tonnes, however, during the following years, it gave a tiny increase. Inconstantly, the pipeline had been the lowest amount of supplies in 1974 which was around 10 million tonnes and just steadily inclined a bit of 20 million tonnes in 2002.  
  
(181 WORDS)  
  
*
**Summary TED (v) Jay Walker English mania**  
  
Every aspect in the world has its own universal language. The world has an aspect as the universal language in each subject. For instance, Mathematic is the language of science subject, music is language of emotions subject and English becoming the language of problem solving. Nowadays, every person in the world has studied English as a second language. Two billion people around the world study English in this era. This phenomenon spread widely around the world. Not only in Latin America, but also another hemisphere such as China, India and South East Asia also affected. For instance, China has become one of the countries which teach its young generation for studying. China has regulation for their young generation to start study English since primary school, particularly third grade. Jay Walker, as the speaker of TED, called this phenomenon as English mania. Jay walker also predicted that China will become the largest English speaking country. He concluded that English represents a hope for better future, as it becomes the common language to solve global problem.
Dioba,  
Here's my contributions towards your TED Video summary. I hope you can follow through.  
  
- **Every aspect**(unclear, what aspects?) in the...  
- ~~The world has an aspect as the universal language in each subject.~~(truly unclear)  
- For instance, mathematics is the language of science ~~subject~~ , music is language of emotions ~~subject~~ and English ~~becoming~~becomes the language of...  
- Nowadays, **every person**(are you sure about this? it seems you over-generalize an idea) in the world ~~has studied~~use English as a second language.  
  
- ...India and South East Asia are also affected.  
- ... young generation for studying English .  
  
As you can see, unclear statement can lead to a confusion and misunderstanding. Try to write a clear and informative statement rather than taking the speakers' saying for granted. :)
**Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?**  
  
Learning foreign language at primary school has been believed by certain experts is better than starting it when secondary school. The benefits from study language of overseas in elementary school are outweigh its drawback, because in that time children fast in understanding and also still build up their language. Besides, if juvenile learn foreign language in early age, they will study longer than others who are starting to learn when secondary school. However, it needs a suitable teaching method for them as its drawback.  
  
Most children are difficult to put their concentration when study foreign languages thus they will become bored faster. Therefore, the appropriate method for them must be used by teachers to make them love with that subject. Yet, only a few teachers who are success teach children about language from another country by interesting way. Taking my aunty who an English teacher as an example. She was success use various methods when she teach English, to attract her student at primary school. In contrast, her friend feels hard to fascinate pupils for learning English.  
  
When teacher is able to package her learning method with fascinating way, children who learn other languages will get many advantages. It is because that, in the age of primary school student is the best time for their brain for understanding language with maximal. They still process to build up their language in that time. Moreover, when they starting learn International language in this earlier time, they will spend their studying time longer, thus they are going to get more knowledge of languages. Based on research of Van Smith, one of language lectures from University of Sydney in 2015, the best time for children to learn foreign languages when their age about 8 until 12 years-old. Therefore, children should start to learn other countries languages since elementary school.  
  
To sum up, the advantages of learning foreign languages at primary school are outweigh its drawback. Children can learn longer and maximal in that time although it must use some attractive teaching methods.
Meireza,  
Here's my contributions towards your essay. I hope you can gain some improvements by taking this feedback into account.  
  
- Learning foreign language ~~at~~since primary school ~~has been~~is believed by certain experts is better than ~~starting it when~~ secondary ~~school~~level .  
- The benefits ~~from~~of studying~~study~~foreign language ~~of overseas~~ in elementary ~~school~~level are outweighed/eclipsed its drawback. (stop here, new sentence)This is because ~~in that time~~ children ~~fast in understanding~~will rapidly understand and ~~also still~~ build ~~up~~ their language up .  
  
- ... study longer than ~~others~~those who ~~are starting~~startto learn foreign language since~~when~~ secondary school.  
  
- ... at primary school are outweighed/eclipsed(passive voice) its drawback. (but this sentence seems only RE-stating what you have said in the introduction, not an appropriate paraphrase)  
  
- Children can learn maximally longer ~~and maximal in~~at that time although it ~~must~~ is necessary to use some attractive/funforeign language teaching methods.  
  
There you have it Meireza, your essay still suffer from grammatical problems. I suggest you to read more or proofread the essay for 1-2 minutes at least to re-check all the grammatical features that you are used in this essay. Hope this helps :)
**Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?**  
  
Some profesionals say that children are better to learn a foreign language at primary school than secondary school. As far as I am concerned that the benefit in regards to this belief are outweighed its drawback.  
  
It is popularly believe that children should spend more time to exposure nature and to explore new experiences through playing. That is why some people argue that giving their children an education about foreign languages can occasionally cause them stressful. It is proved by a finding from cambridge University that 23% of children who were forced to take an additional course of Spanish languages fell depressed because they had not enough time to play with their peers. Consequently, they did not perform well at class due to loss concentration. Therefore, sometimes participating in a foreign class appears to reduce children's mood that lead into depression.  
  
Although it has an adverse impact for some children, it does not mean that learn another language at begginers is not important. One and the foremost advantage is children can brush up on linguistic skill in their golden age. they can adjust to read, speak, write and listen a foreign language as well as their mother tongue because they have practiced and learned since they were children. For example, a comparison of Indonesian people who started acquiring English language at 5-10 age group are performing better to speak or write than young adults aged 18-22. It is revealed by a researcher from University of Indonesia. As a result, these young adults cannot overcome the problem to speak well in English. Hence, it is inevitably true that practice a foreign language at primary school gives a good point.  
  
In conclusion, although there is a detrimental effect towards some children who feel stressful, I would strongly believe that they are outweighed by the advantage. (303)
Septia, I can notice that you didn't take my previous feedback seriously. I have told you earlier that you need to write an OUTLINE if you want to reach band 6 or above. Even, I gave you an example about how to write a proper outline in this thread https://essayforum.com/writing/teaching-children-home-best-child-74039/ .  
  
It is clear in IELTS public band descriptors  
takeielts.britishcouncil.org/sites/default/files/IELTS\_task\_2\_Writing\_band\_descriptors.pdf  
that you need to write an overall progression (outline) if you want to reach band 6 in terms of Coherence and Cohesion. That is why this essay is worth only 5.0 if it is written in an actual test. My suggestion is that you need to read IELTS public band descriptors to help you achieving a better score. However, if your target score is only 5.0, I think it is another story. You can just keep writing like this in the actual test and you will definitely get 5.0 for your writing.
**Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?**  
  
In recent years, scientist takes the view that primary school is the best moment for studying another language instead of in secondary school. However, as far as I'm concerned, there are more benefits outweigh the negative sides for children to understand new language. This essay will first discuss about that it is already late to learn the other language in secondary school and then talk about primary school as the best time for studying a foreign country.  
  
To begin with, youngsters who want to comprehend new language in secondary school will face harder problem. This because they have to study other subjects that can make them confuse. In this case children should focus on one major to get new knowledge faster. According to the research by University of Columbia stated that studying language had the exact time to make it easier for understanding, and it happens in primary school. So, children still can learn new language in secondary school, while primary school is more appropriate. Up to a point, this is true but pupils can study whenever they want without the limitation of time.  
  
On the other hand, various advantages appear while teenagers are learning new language in secondary school. Firstly, it is an ideal time because their brain can process faster for new world. Also children do not have many problems at this age. Secondly, they can practice it while they are playing which make it simpler. For instance, a child who always move from one country to another while they are in primary school get better language school score than others because it is the exact time to learn new language.  
  
To sum up, the advantages for learning language outweigh the drawbacks while children study in primary school because it is the best time for children to learn new language where their brain can accept clearly a foreign language that have been taught.
Hi mardian!  
  
~~scientist takes~~ scientists take the view that ...  
*be careful, the task mention 'some experts'*  
  
However, as far as ~~I'm~~**i am** concerned  
**avoid to shorten the words in formal essay**  
  
In this case**,***(need comma)* children should focus ...  
  
a child who always ~~move~~**moves** from one country to another  
or  
a child who **is always moving** from one country to another  
*because there is adv always*  
  
To sum up, the advantages ~~for~~**of** learning language ...  
  
... clearly a foreign language that ~~have~~**has** been taught
**Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child's development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion.**  
  
Nowadays, the majority of people take the view that children who study at home have the best way for developing themselves, while the other people declare that children need to go to school for studying. However, as far as I am concerned, both of those methods have benefit to be implemented in children these days. This essay will first discuss about that children will get full attention due to studying at home and then talk about that socialize is very essential to be learnt which only exists at school.  
  
To begin with, there is a positive side for teenagers to study in their home. Youngsters will acquire full attention from their family owing to the fact that they can watch the process for studying directly. So, if there is something wrong with the activity, parents or other members in family can give advice and tell what children supposed to do. For instance, home schooling has been applied as the methods for studying, and still exists until now. It means that it is a better choice for learning. It is my firm belief that, it is good for family to give more effort an extra care for their lovely children in the nearest place (home).  
  
On the other hand, youngsters need to go to school to get better education. They can learn how to interact with other people and it is the most significant aspect for them to enter the real world in their life. According to a publication from UNICEF in 2007 said that eight from ten successful persons in London finished their education at school. It means that well educated can be achieved from school due to the fact that children will understand much knowledge rather than at home. Therefore, I think that school is the greatest place for studying because they can learn about how to solve social problems with other people.  
  
To sum up, family will give more attention while children are studying at home, but school give more advantages for children due to the experience by interacting with their friends, teachers, or officers.
Mardian,  
  
I can notice that you have successfully followed the appropriate format of an IELTS task 2. Yet, some improvements for the betterment of your essay are still needed. You can see them in the detailed descriptions below.  
  
- ~~Nowadays~~(Nowadays is less academic)These days , the majority of people ~~take the view~~think/believe that children... (no comma needed) while ~~the~~ other people **declare**(be careful in choosing the appropriate word. "Declare" means different from "mention/say/state") that children...  
  
- However, as far as I am concerned, both ~~of those~~ methods have some benefits to be implemented by parents for their~~in~~ children. ~~these days.~~  
  
- This essay will first discuss about ~~that~~~~will get~~children's full attention due to studying at home and then, talk about ~~that~~~~socialize is very~~the essential of socializing and learning together~~to be learnt which only exists~~ at school.  
  
(after "about" it should be phrase not sentence)
During 5 days Moana, movies from Disney which estimated get revenue approximately $81.1 million. In other country, Moana earns $16.3 million particularly China, where it earns $12.3 million for the weekend. Its global cumulative stands at an estimated $97.4 million. In second place is Harry Potter: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, from Warner Bros company which has revenue estimated $45.1 million.
During 5 days **(NEED COMMA HERE)** Moana, movies from Disney which **IS** estimated get revenue approximately $81.1 million  
,,,,,, THEN WHAT IS THE REST OF THE SENTENCE ? YOU USE 'WHICH' THAT MEANS IT MUST CONTAIN MORE THAN ONE CLAUSE  
  
1. After time signals don't forget add comma  
  
2. WHICH + IS + ESTIMATED -------> PASSIVE FORM  
  
GENERAL SUGGESTION:  
  
PLEASE MAKE SUMMARY LONGER. GOOD SUMMARY MUST CONTAIN :  
1. INTRODUCTION  
2. BODY  
3. CONCLUSION  
  
AND I CAN'T FOUND IT IN YOUR ESSAY THAT STATES CLEARLY.!!!
**Speak like a leader**  
  
Simon Lancaster is TED speaker, he said that speaking like a leader was not hard, it was simple and easy learned. Recently, most of people in the several countries do not have good enough speaking, it was mainly because too difficult speaking in front of the audience and other reason was they do not know the way how to be a good speaker. On the other word, he said that there were six steps to learn speaking like a leader:  
  
The first was three breathless sentences. This way was often used by leader when they speaks in front of the public. Three breathless sentences mean that we speak 3 sentences or we use three words with good voice in one breath. The second was three repetitive sentences in the main points. It mean emphasing the important points of the topic to convince the audience. For example, I will create a new a good life, new idea, new concept and new freedom for this countries, in the future. Next was three balancing statements. Most of leaders in the world always use balancing statements when they speaking in the public. Their statement do not blaming in one topic or one object but they use the balancing data or real case. For illustrates, the leader speaks about nowadays so they are not only talk about present time but also speaking about past time and future time it was because several people that was interesting topic. After that was rhyme. It was one of the important part in speaking, more people cannot use it because too hard creating the rhyme in the speaking. The next tips was Exaggeration or art of speaking, we can make up the sentences with good word and avoid the negative word, eventhought that was fake. The last was Methapor. It was make an interesting speaking with good word like idiom.  
  
source: TEDx
Hello Bams, let me give you some suggestions...  
  
it was simple and easy learned (learning ). Recently, most of people in ~~the~~ several countries (...) mainly because (need subject+verb here ) too difficult speaking  
  
... by leader when they speaks (spoke ) in front of ~~the~~ public. Three breathless sentences mean that we speak 3 sentences or we use three words with ...  
  
It mean emphasing the important points ... 《it should be past tense in VERB TWO  
  
For example, I will create a new a good life...  
Their statement do not blaming in one topic or ...  
For illustrates, the leader speaks about nowadays so they are not only talk (...) but also speaking about past time ...  
..., more people cannot use it because too ...  
... art of speaking, we can make up the sentences ... 《 it should be in past tense too  
  
Keep writing and hope those help you  
  
Gluck ^^~
The graph illustrates about life's trouble when people decide to go abroad. From that graph as we know all people have equal trouble, consist of education, healthcare, and economy. Overall, the lowest problem for people when live in other country is finding education institution for their children.  
  
As can be clearly seen, people who sorting out finance when 18 to 34 years old is highest at approximately 33 percent. In contrast, between people who have old 35 until 54 and over 55 is sorting out healthcare.  
  
Aged of people who find school for children are increase extremely from 6 percent in 18-34 years old to 18 percent in 35-54 percent, and after that fell rapidly in over 55 years old by 15 percent. The percentage of sorting out healthcare become the highest in people who have old 35-54.  
  
From that figure we know that people who have more problems when 35 until 54 years old. Moreover, they has the highest percent in all problems.
Alfin, it is unfortunate that your overview is unclear because you didn't select the appropriate information of the chart given (if there is a chart, but actually there isn't) . Mentioning only the highest/lowest data would not help you achieving a better overview. Thus, you can only get 5 for task achievement.  
  
For coherence and cohesion, I might say that this can only reach 5 due to inadequate, inaccurate or over-use cohesive devices. For instance, you have accidentally addressed "overview" several times. Mentioning "as we all know, overall, as clearly be seen, we know that" would make your cohesive devices redundant and inaccurate or over-use. Also, some words repetitiveness such as "highest" and "sorting" also make this essay can only reach 5. You can substitute them by using synonyms and rephrase them by altering from active into a passive one.  
  
Without reading further, it is quite clear that this essay can only reach 5 or even worse if you keep making the same mistake in the next practice. Hope this would be helpful :)