dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Modern communications mean that it's no longer necessary to write letters.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.**  
  
In the past, letter is the main way to communicate with each other before telephone exist. I strongly disagree that the invention of telephone is replacing the function of letter, instead it enhances the use of writing letter by providing immediate response from recipient and reduce the cost to deliver message as the letter is only use to address formal occasion these days.  
  
It is true that writing letters is not occurred these days, necessarily to submit formal purpose. Those official reasons require letters as the old-fashioned way is important to prove the document legally according to law. As a result, writing letter is still valuable even if the modernization in communication is exist. This has been proved by the research of documents related to authorization from president to cabinets since old days until present days, which use formal letter rather than letter typed with computers. Even though the occurrence of using letter is still present, I completely think that replacement to computerized communication take less time to receive answer during daily conversation with other people and the cost of delivery will be cut down drastically.  
  
With purpose of shifting the habit of writing letter to updated communication, there are two benefits of this change. The means of writing letter does not replace by modern communication, instead it is modified to increase efficiency of time consuming in waiting the response from recipient. Online chatting is one example which show how the message can be improved by narrowing time need responses, which is necessary to make fast decision, for instance, the conducting heart resuscitation by nurses when doctor is not in hospital can be done through phone call at that moment. Another thing that worth to upgrade the habit of writing letter is cutting fees of delivering the letter, which implement in modern communication. It is undeniable that price to send a letter is quite expensive compared to online chat. By improving it to online chat, the budget of sending letter can be drastically reduced even though the price of smartphone is costlier than sending letter. So, the means of writing letter gets modified to developed communication in terms of time required to send the message as well as the delivery cost.  
  
All in all, it is generally not acceptable that the means of writing has been changed in formal way, however it gets modified to efficiently decrease time required and money spent to send the message.
Fadhil, due to the gravity of the confusion caused by the way you developed your essay, I do not believe it would score anything higher than a 4 in an actual test setting. The flow of thought in your essay is hard to follow and does not seem to properly represent the prompt in some instances. This is an error that could have been forced by your responding in English in a manner similar to the way you would form the sentence in your vernacular language. Often, these simple translations can cause difficulties for the reader who has to try and figure out what you are trying to say.  
  
You concentrated on the telephone as the mode of communication replacing letter writing. This is an error on your part because the prompt was asking you to discuss modes of modern communication. So it isn't just about the telephone. It is also about emails, texting, tweeting, messaging, and other related communication methods. By concentrating on one mode of communication, you limited your discussion and ability to properly discuss the essay. The essay was expecting you to discuss the prompt in general, not in specific terms.
TOEFL TEST: **People can solve important problems by themselves or with the help from their family members, so there is no need for the government to help them.**  
  
Today with the help from technologies, people can solve more problems than they used to. However, the government's policies still play an important role in our life, so I tend to think that people still need the government's help.  
  
There are some problems that people cannot solve all by themselves. The power of individuals is weak, but they can be organized efficiently to obtain some huge ambitions through the arrangement of the government. For example, the air pollution problem is quite sever severe in China. Although people can make contributions to solve the problem through taking public transportation instead of driving their own cars, the main pollution source is the iron or coal factory, which normal people can do nothing about them. However, the government can put more stricter regulations to restrict factories to give off toxic pollutions pouring dusts into the air and punish or close the factories which violate the rules. Moreover, the authority can encourage the public to buy the products from the companies whose producing process is friendly to the environment. With people buying more products from the eco-friendly companies, the merchants will change their making processes. All these measures cannot be done by individuals.  
  
This is also true when people face medical problems. When a person gets a severe disease like cancer, even though the whole family members will try everything to help him out, they often cannot afford such large amount of money. At this time people need government to help them and that's the reason for a national medical care system.  
  
What's more, even people can solve some difficulties they meet in lives, they still need the government to make the things easier. For example, when the young people want to start their own companies, they often find it hard to find early investors to invest them some money. If they have to find investors all by themselves, they have to go to the invest companies one by one and receive receive hundreds of rejections, which will hurt their confidence. On the other hand, investors also find it hard to look up good programs to support. If the government can help to arrange an open meeting, both the entrepreneurs and the investors have a chance to get together to find the best match. It would save them a lot of energies.  
  
In all, today people still have some problems that cannot solved by themselves or with the help of family members. As a result, we still need government to help people and make our life easier.
HI Fanceen, listen, I love the essay that you wrote. However, I don't think you provided the complete prompt instructions for us to read so I am not sure if you are properly representing your response in line with the prompt expectations. I will just assume that you are meeting the prompt requirements and judge the essay from there.  
  
As an examiner, I would rate this essay a 4 based on the writing rubic. The reason for that is that there is a clear understanding of the prompt represented in the essay introduction. You have managed to present acceptable reasons for your position. Most of which are displayed in a logical and understandable manner. Now, watch out for your redundancies or words that that you use which do not have a connection to the rest of the paragraph (e.g. sever severe). Although there is a generally clear representation of your discussion which makes the essay pleasant to read.  
  
There is a slight problem with your conclusion as it was too short. You need a minimum of 3 sentences in every paragraph, be it an introduction, body, or concluding paragraph. Regardless of the essay prompt. So far, these are the problems that I can see which would bring down your score in the actual test.
Achmad, I guess one of the things that you have to learn about essay writing is that you must pose a question as a hypothesis before you decide to write an explanatory essay. What is the reason behind your desire to write this paper? Who is your target audience? What do you hope to have the reader understand when they finish reading the paper. These are considerations you have to present in your thesis statement, which comprises the first paragraph.  
  
The thesis statement will actually help you organize your paragraph discussions by offering your a chance to divide the paragraphs into topic statements. At the moment, your essay is very good in delivering information but you need to better organize your thoughts in a coherent manner. That should also be presented in a chronological manner in the essay.  
  
At the moment, you have room to do that in your essay. However, you should know how to divide your paragraphs because right now, the essay is quite difficult to read since your thoughts are all strung together in one continuous read. That makes it difficult for the reader to track your thoughts and the important matters you are presenting. Try to improve this essay using the suggestions I have made for you. I am sure it will help you with your essay development somehow.
**Some countries have come to rely on tourism as their major source of income. However, many people believe that the problems caused by tourism are more serious than those it has solved. Discuss both views. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.**  
  
Tourism, one of the leading industry in most of the countries, has direct impact on the socio-economic condition of the people living in that country. But also, it has negative impact on the cultural, religious and environmental sectors as it tends to change the uniqueness of the countries where they visit.  
  
Tourism industry has great advantage in improving the lifestyle of the local people and hence it improves the quality of life. It also helps in the modernization and because of the tourism, the development of the rural areas, introduction of newer technologies can be possible.  
  
Despite the few advantages, tourism has brought numerous negative repercussions in its religious, cultural and linguistic aspects.Moreover, it has degraded the nature by polluting the nature. For example, in the route of Mt. Everest , once there has been recorded huge collection almost 1 ton of rubbish due to the haphazard spreading fo waste by tourists. A perfect example of cultural and religious deterioration was took place in the southern part of Thailand because of tourists. Similarly in Nepal, we can easily see that the clout of the western culture and religion is slowly spreading over time. The people are unnecessarily quibbling in trivial matters such as religion, language, culture and customs and so on that ultimately disturbing the unity of the people living here. In similar fashion, tourists even can bring violence in the country. Some tourists commute others intending to harm such as spreading some noisome scandals that can hamper the serenity of the country. Even some tourists can involve in criminal activities like girls trafficking, drugs dealing and decimating activities. Once in Nepal, there found 3 tourists who were actively participating in the revolutionary campaign. Therefore, tourism has greater negative effects than its counterparts.  
  
To recapitulate, tourism can be the most important source of income generating activities of one country, but one must analyze its negative aspects. The government officials must be meticulous whether its positive aspects is greater or not.
Utsav, the first problem of your essay lies in the formatting. You have not managed to properly divide your essay into paragraphs that would have made it easier for the reader to follow. This error is specially evident in your third paragraph which is extremely long and contains 2 topics for discussion. Keep in mind that each paragraph should only house one topic at a time. That way it becomes easier for the reader to keep track of the discussion and you gain an opportunity to better discuss your topics. In this case, remember that the enter key is your friend. It can help you better format the paragraphs by creating line breaks in between paragraphs. Believe me, your essay format will become better because of it. Aside from the formatting problem, the essay seems to be highly informative. Regardless of the grammar problems, you manage to convey your opinion using effective examples to illustrate your point. Just one slight point of discussion though. It would seem that you are only discussing one side of the matter instead of discussing the 2 opinions stated in the prompt requirements.You need to balance the discussion by properly representing the prompt instructions. Otherwise, you will lose points in an actual test for non-compliance of the prompt requirements.
hi..  
I have some suggestions for you..  
  
... Does toursim ~~has~~[have] greater advantages?  
  
... has direct impactS on the socio-economic condition of the people living in that [the] country.  
(...) of the countries where *they* [who is 'they' referred to? it is a little bit infuriating] visit.  
  
I hope it helps..  
keep writing..
**Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness?**  
  
Nowadays, some people say that happiness considered as one of the essential positive feeling in our life. Unfortunately, to reach happiness is not ease and every person has different ways to define about happiness. There are several reasons why people difficult to define happiness.  
  
Firstly, hapiness consisted of different meaning and elements. Prosperity, success and achievement are common criteria used by people to measure about happiness, particularly in our society. To illustrate, people will more appreciate if we have a luxury car and apartment, we will reach new standard of live and hone our prestige rather than we achieve academic rewards such as winner of math or physic competition.  
  
Secondly, every person has different views about happiness. Some people argue that happiness come from their hearth and soul while the adherent of matrealistic says that wealth and money can bring happiness for the owner. For illustrate, a husband will extremely happy have a child from his wife and happy to wait for his children born, a student will very happy if they can get reward in their school because their achievement and a couple very happy to celebrate their anniversary every year.  
  
To reach happiness, people should be combine with several predominant factor to reach happines such as heart satisfaction and sense of gratitude to god. First, we still can satisfaction every single happiness moment in our life. Health and chance for instance. Secondly, sense of gratitude to God makes us not greedy about wealth and money  
  
To sum up, it is difficult to explain about happiness. However, there are some essential factors which usually able to make people happy.
Ajeng, I have read through your essay. I found that the above essay is good. To make it better, you may consider the following notes:  
  
1st Paragraph:  
- ...some people ~~say that~~consider happiness ~~considered~~ as one of (...) feelings .  
- ...to reach happiness is not ~~ease~~easy ...  
  
2nd Paragraph:  
- Firstly, happiness consists~~ed~~ of...  
- Prosperity, success, and achievement...  
  
3rd Paragraph:  
- ... come from their heart~~h~~  
- For ~~illustrate~~example , a husband will extremely happy to have a child (...), a student will be very happy if they ...  
  
4th Paragraph:  
- To reach happiness, people should ~~be~~ combine ~~with~~ several predominant factors ...  
- Health and chance ~~for instance~~are the examples .  
  
Good luck with your writing practice!
**Hi Meireza..  
Here are my corrections towards your essay**  
  
that happiness considered  
THAT HAPPINESS IS CONSIDERED  
  
happiness is not ease  
HAPPINESS IS NOT EASY  
*(Please, make sure what you write is what in your mind)*  
  
There are several reasons why people difficult to define happiness.  
*I think you only focus on the first question, whereas there were two questions. You should show briefly about factors to reach the happiness. Your score will fall down because you only describe the prompts partially. Before you work the essay, you are supposed to create brainstorming.*  
  
Prosperity, success and achievement are common criteria used by people ...  
*Please, you concentrate on the prompts. your explanations widened. Really, you have to connect your sentence to another sentence so that readers can get points what you mind. Honestly, your sentences make me pause to get your meaning. You have to remember that in the essay you should communicate with the readers, not to impress them.*  
  
several predominant factor to reach happines such as heart satisfaction ...  
*This is the essay which you have to build systematically. I mean you have to explain what you state in the body paragraph. Those seemed like the layman's opinions because you list your view solely, but you did not include supporting sentences.*  
  
To sum up, it is difficult to explain about happiness  
this can be not defined as the conclusion sentences. Keep in your mind, the conclusion is written from your the thesis statement.  
  
**Please, review my notes so that you do not make the same mistakes.**
***Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness?***  
  
Everyone have willingness to be happy in their life. Some people say that life happily is important for their quality of life, but to know the true definition of happiness is still difficult to figure it out. There are some factors that necessary to achieve the happiness.  
  
First of all, happiness have vary of definition of each person. There are state that happiness is related to high level of people who occupant, wealthy, and popularity, for instance a celebrity. She or he will be happy when achieved famous and got a lot of money. In contrast, i believe that happiness is bout how to build good relationship with friends and family. In my case, happy can be resulted from how we make our parent to proud and always caring them. Then, how to keep in touch with our friends and give them our best support.  
  
On the other hand, there are some factors that influenced of happiness. Some people say that money is the most important factor to be happy in the life. For example, they can be happy with money because they can buy luxury products such as car, jewelry, and branded clothes. But, i believe that time and love are important factors to live happily. If we have enough time we can spend time with family and we can give love to them and get happy life.  
  
In a nutshell, happiness is the most vital part of our life. Which we have to improve and keep the factor that linked with it, such as time and love. If we use time wisely and give our love to the others happiness will there in our live.
Hi Miss Bada..  
I have read your essay closely. I have held a few which you have to improve. Please, you follow patches I gave.  
  
Some people say that life happily is important for their quality of life, but to know ...  
*This is far from indicators as a thesis statement. It seemed as paraphrase of the question. If you wanna reach the high score, you are supposed to mention about your view about those matters. You can write two or three words to show your opinion at the thesis statement. However, those are supposed to have the same discussion in the body paragraph.*  
  
*Turning to the first body paragraph, you tended to review definitions of the happiness from some perspectives, whereas the question asks you to explain why the happiness is difficult to define.You have to remember that your first job in the writing task 2 is to brainstorm what you wanna write in your essay. The question should be understood deeply because it is the edge of what you will explain. Please, keep this alarm in your mind.*  
  
*In the second body paragraph, you created contradiction sentences, whereas the prompts only asked to show important factors to achieve the happiness. You only tell those factors to readers with explanations or supporting sentences.*  
  
But, i believe that time and love are important [...] and we can give love to them and get happy life.  
Please, you pay attention to the prompts.  
  
In a nutshell,  
*Avoid to use it. That is used in the informal writing. You should harness (In conclusion, to conclude, or to Sum up)*
For decades, we have seen a number of disputes in this world only because of ideology.  
  
First of all, I would separate between ideology and science in order to be easy to understand in this paper. Ideology is the way of human being to achieve their purpose. It is also the rule of acts what is a good and what is a bad. Sketchily, ideology is a reference how to life in universal view. In the contrary, science is just related to particular view which just happens in nature. So, we can make simple that ideology is a philosophical view, and science is a empirical view.  
  
Thus, why have many ideologies in this world? From where those are coming from?  
  
If you are asking to someone why we should do this, and why we cannot do that? They will answer with their worldview. Worldview is a theoretical philosophy, and ideology is a practical philosophy. Worldview is discussing about our outlook about human being, society, nature, and history. We could say that worldview is foundation of ideology.  
  
Afterwards, how worldview could be different in each human being? The answer is because of epistemology. The way of human being gets knowledge. Sometimes, they have differences such as source of knowledge, method, and so on.  
  
My conclusion is better for us to learn about philosophy especially the epistemology in order we can be open minded to address diversity nowadays.  
  
I open to respond negative. This is my first writing. Thank you.
Hasan, your grammar is quite inconsistent in this essay. By inconsistent, I mean that your sentences are not easy to read because of the problem with word usage and sentence structure. There is a tendency for you to say things in reverse. So when you say; *"Afterwards, how worldview could be different in each human being?"*, the proper sentence structure for that statement would have been: *"How could the worldview be different for each human being?"* Do you see how the statement gains more clarity when the proper sentence structure is used? Next, I am wondering about the actual prompt or thesis statement that is supposed to be guiding this essay of yours. I wish I knew what the actual topic you were trying to discuss was. That way, I would be able to offer you more solid comments regarding the content and grammar usage of your research paper.