dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
When I got ready to move to the US, I've though I got everything as clothing, the new culture, new school, especially the vehicle. I searched online how to drive a car, what kind of car, and how to control the wheel. I also asked my cousin in the US about it, he just answered: "the best ways were you don't need to know about it, you would know it when you drive it". I didn't believe it. I was searching until I came to the US. At that time, there were four people in my family came to the US. "Everybody has to learn how to drive car," My cousin said. And he also said: "I counted on your ability, An".  
  
Step by step, we had to learn about the rule before we drove a car. The rule is different with everything that I searched. When we took the writing test, I failed - only me failed. I started disappointing about myself. After the test, other people were taught how to drive a car by the cousin. My mother gave me some idea to remember the rule and one sentence: "Don't give up, failure is mother of success". It was propelling me, and after one week, I decided to take the test again. I've passed since then. I couldn't learn to drive because it's not my turn. I had to wait for other people passing the road test. I always went together when they practiced driving. I always listened to my cousin's lesson. Everybody gradually passed the Driver license test. And then my turn is coming, at the first time, I had to sit on driver seat, I was really confusing, forgot every what I searched and heard before. I drove his car bump into the curb what in front of us. He-my cousin has lost his trust for me since then. He's always worried when I drove." You had to go ahead or back up so slowly" he yelled me. I drove the car slowly go ahead, the first intersection I met, I was really nervous, I didn't know how to control the front-wheel. Luckily, the light was in red. He continued yelled: "Braking the car, braking the car". His face looked like a monkey, he's scare, along with the wrath. Even though I did it as safely as I could. Since then, I gradually have driven the car better than before. Last recommend from him:" when you drive in the driver test, you'll be careful not to do any wrong things what it was made you fail". Finally, I have passed the test. I also realized that I had to learn more through the actual experience, it doesn't simply as knowledge.
An, your essay is very difficult to read because the grammar is not good at all. It makes the reader anxious while reading it because your expression is not being expressed in an understandable manner. This essay really needs a lot of work so let me help you by rewriting this essay for you. After I rewrite it, do not change anything. Just use the version I will be giving you. That is the best way to clean up your work at this point.  
  
*When I first arrived in the United States, I knew that I would have to drive a car in order to get around my community. However, I did not realize that there weere such strict rules in driving in the U.S.. So, what I thought would be a simple process of just getting behind the wheel and stepping on the gas then off I would be to my destinantion was incorrect. Turns out, I needed more preparation than just a willingness to drive before I could really get behind the wheel.  
  
My cousin, who had much faith in my potential to become a good driver, tried to help me learn the rules of the road before I took the written test for a student permit. While my other family members passed the test, I failed. My mother, trying to help me feel better after my failure told me that I mustn't give up because I would eventually succeed. She was right After a week, I retook and passed the test.  
  
Admittedly, my cousin lost his faith in me because I failed to pass the test my first time out. So he was very anxious when we started my driving lesson. He kept on yelling at me instead of instructing me. He scared me during our lessons so I did not do a good job the first few times. As soon as I got comfortable behind the wheel though, driving came almost naturally to me. My cousin was convinced I was going to fail the practical test because of his little faith in me, even when I showed him improvement. So, when I took the practical driving test and I passed on my first try, he was surprised. Yet, it somehow restored his faith in me.  
  
So, what was the lesson that I learned from my travails as a new driver? Don't let the lessons stress you out. If you want to succeed at something, you have to do it at your own pace. More importantly, it is important for me to keep believing and having faith in myself when everyone else around me has lost confidence in me. I will succeed as long as I believe in my abilities. The opinion of others, specially when it is negative, shouldn't matter to me.*
Hi An Luu,  
  
Related your writing, here some suggestions for you.  
  
..., I've though I got everything...  
..., I though I had already gotten everything...  
  
I searched online how to drive a car...  
I searched how to drive a car, what kind of car, and how to control the wheel on internet.  
  
the best ways were you don't ...  
the best way is you don't need to know about it,....  
  
before we driving a car.  
  
My mother gave me some idea**s** ...  
  
Good luck
The line chart gives information about a plenty of books which had been read by women and men from 2011 to 2014 at Burnaby Public Library. Overall, despite having an upward trend, both of them showed a different increasing rate.  
  
According to the chart, in 2011, more women read book at Burnaby Public Library with around 5,000 while a slight number at 3,000 was showed in men. This leads to a narrowed gap between them. On the other hand, in 2014 a number of books that has been read by male experienced a considerable increase by 11,000 whereas a less marked increase showed in the figure for female and therefore the gap between them was widened.  
  
A more detailed look at the graph shows that, between 2012 and 2013 female readers increased slightly to 10,000, while a considerable growth showed in males in the same year, causing an intersection. Next, while a marked decrease was seen in female readers, the figure for men increased significantly to 14,000 at the end of the year, successfully overtaking woman figure and reaching its peak.  
  
*
Hi Edho..  
Actually, your writing is a good job. However, I give you a few corrections to enhance the quality of your writing.  
Please, meet my notes and deal with them.  
  
... information about A ~~plenty~~ NUMBER of books which had ...  
~~Overall, despite having an upward trend, both of them ...~~  
*Overall, all figures experienced significant changes in the number of books read. Eventually, men read more books than women.*  
**(Keep in your mind that each good paragraph has at least three sentences so that you should create 2 sentences for the overview)**  
  
..., more women read THE book at Burnaby Public (...) was showed ~~in~~ AS THE RATE OF ~~men~~ MALE READERS. This ~~leads~~ HAD LED to a narrowed ...  
  
... has been read by maleS experienced a ...  
  
... the graph shows that~~,~~ between 2012 and 2013 THE female readers HAD increased slightly ...  
~~Next~~ FOLLOWING A YEAR, while a marked decrease ...
**Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.  
  
Discuss both views and give your own opinion**  
  
It is generally held by some people that competitive climate amongst children should be supported while others assume collaboration with another student is more worthwhile in order to be useful grown-ups. Although, to some extent I agree that rivalry amongst students is good for children development, I firmly believe children who are preached to work collaboratively with one another will gain social skill and be more heedful to other people. This skill is absolutely helpful when children grow up and become a part of workforce.  
  
To begin with, a competitive sense would encourage children to believe in themselves. When students in earlier ages, their parents usually register them in many of contests, such as drawing, modeling, or child-related contests, so as to instill the sense of self-confident so that children believe that they could be better if they strive for it. It is immensely useful for child development, because at childhood, the most important thing is how to enhance the children's improvement even though it is merely beneficial for themselves. Nevertheless, collaboration should be taught as well so as to prevent children to be more selfish or self-centered.  
  
Regarding to the second idea, different situation happens when children become an adult, in which they should work together with other people. Therefore, the sense of working collaboratively with other students will helpfully improve children's social skills. For example, the children are given hard tasks which only can be finished if they work together. As such, students will realise they should be neck-and neck with other students, otherwise they will fail. Thus, they will know how to co-operate and be more sensitive with others. To work collaboratively with others is important, social skill when they are mature and entering job market.  
  
in light of what has been said, children should be taught both to co-operate and be a rival with other students. Both of which are good for children development because they are still in their infancy. However, more attention should be paid on how to co-operate with other people owing to be more worthwhile when they become grown-ups and enter job market.
***Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organization. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?***  
  
In the present, having a job is need by people. There are several kinds of job, such as working for a company or becoming independent business. Become employee, working man or having business are choose by people. They have some reasons to choose their job. But I argue that, having own company or start up have advantages for people rather than working for organization.  
  
However, we know that the advantages have work in a company are get fixed salary every month, and have the right time to work. But it is cannot help people to get highest income and just work for their boss. So, it is make people cannot increase their lifestyle because have salary particular. On the other hand, people who have independent business will easy to growth up their life. This is affected by some advantages. The first is less pressure or work under pressure, that situation will make human more creative than others who have high pressure in their company. They have responsibility to make their business develop rapidly. The second is open job opportunity, it will help other people get job and they have better life. The third is flexible time and highest income. This is caused they can manage their time and their self to do another job and directly it makes have additional income. Although, we know that if we become an entrepreneur, it will have high risk and need much time to developing own business.  
  
All in all, i think that there are many advantages, if we have own business or company, because can increase our lifestyle, personal quality and help people to get a job. However, there are competitor and vast capital.
In the present, having a job is ~~need~~needed by people.  
... company or becoming an independent ~~business~~businessman . ~~Become~~becoming employee, (...) business are ~~choose~~chosen by people.  
But I argue that ~~,~~ having own company or start up ~~have~~has many advantages ~~for people~~ rather than working for the organization.  
  
... that the advantages of having~~have~~ work in a company ...  
But it ~~is~~ cannot help people to get the highest income and just working for their boss. So, it ~~is~~ makes people that they cannot (...) because have salary particular (?) .  
  
some of your mistakes come from noun phrase. Here I attached some materials about noun phrase for you:  
learnenglish.britishcouncil.org/en/english-grammar/clause-phrase-and-sentence/noun-phrase  
  
I hope it can be useful.  
Goodluck!  
  
*
Hi  
1. ... having a job is need by people ...  
Passive form: to be + past participle  
Hence, is + needed  
  
2. ... ~~Become~~Becoming employee, (...) having business are ~~choose~~chosen by people ...  
Become = verb, it needs to be changed into adjective,  
Become -----> Becoming  
are choose it should be replaced by are chosen  
  
3. ... having own company or start up ~~have~~has advantages ,,,  
Because there is only one verb and it is singular, so have should be replaced by has  
  
Thank you, I hope it can help you  
Break a leg!
Writing IELTS Task 2  
Question :  
**Psychologists have known for many years that color can affect how people feel. For this reason, attention should be given to color schemes when decorating places such as offices and hospitals.  
  
How true is this statement? How far does color influence people's health and capacity for work?**  
  
It is essential to choose the right color to be applied in offices and hospitals decoration as a result of its effect for people's health and work capacity. Many psychologists claimed that certain colors can influence people's mood so I believe that colors have strong effect for people's health and work. Blue, green and white are the best colors to be applied in hospital because they have a healing effect to make the patients feeling calmness, while bright and attractive colors like light yellow or sky blue will increase the workers' creativity in the office.  
  
Most hospitals use white as the wall's color because it is believed that it can reduce the patients' pain while undergoing the treatment. Blue and green also give the same effect as white so that it is usually used in several rooms in the hospitals like in the consulting room and the bathroom. A survey conducted in Indonesia involving all patients in 20 hospitals results almost 90% of respondents choose white, blue and green as the colors in hospital's room that make them feel comfortable.  
  
Talking about working place, colors affect the employees' creativity as well. Certain colors like bright yellow or blue maximize the lighting in the office so it is good for the workers to finish their job. Some design companies in London also change the wall's color in their office annually which aims to raise the creativity and new idea from the workers.  
  
So, that is really clear that colors can influence people especially in health and creativity. It is important to use white, blue and green as the decoration in the hospitals due to creating the pleasant atmosphere. It also works for the offices which apply bright colors on the wall to increase the workers' creativity.
Hello! I will give you some opinions about your essay.  
  
Introduction:  
(1) ... its effect ~~for~~**on** people's health and ~~work capacity~~**work optimally**.  
(2) ... have strong effect ~~for~~**on** people's health and work. -> You have mentioned it in the first sentence  
(3) ... they have a healing effect **on**~~to make the~~ patients feeling **becoming** calmness,  
  
(4) ... pain while undergoing ~~the~~ treatment.  
(5) ... same effect as white so ~~that~~ it is usually used (...) in the hospitals ~~like~~**such as** in the consulting ...  
  
(6) ... place, colors **can also** affect the employees' ...  
(7) Certain colors ~~like~~ such as bright yellow or blue**, can** maximize the ...  
(8) ... to raise the creativity and **to increase** new idea from the workers. -> parallel structure  
  
So, that is ~~really~~ clear that colors can influence ...
The pictures provide information about producing electricity from wind and where it can be placed. Overall, it can be seen that the equipment that is needed for this process are wood blades or fiber-glass blades, wind speed and direction of detector, generator, steel power, and also computer. The generating electricity process will be gotten maximum result when it is located on the hill and in the sea. Furthermore, placed in the sea will not reduce view of this site.  
  
Firstly, before operating this machine, all tools should be roped. Next, the process of generating power is started from turned blades by wind that causes blades rotation. Then, the rotation will be detected by wind sensor, and it is delivered to computer. As a result, the electricity power can be generated.  
  
On the other hand, the amount of output from wind turbine mechanism is influenced by location. The turbine that is placed on the hill can be produced higher result than domestic turbine. While, proportion of output from the turbine which is located in the sea is received optimum power, and also this no give influence for sea landscape.  
  
*
Hi Pramudiana,  
  
Here's my analysis towards your IELTS writing task 1 essay.  
1st paragraph:  
- I assume that you've decided to use wrong tenses for this paragraph. The pictures clearly show what the turbine can do and its parts. If you use simple future form "will", I think it wasn't appropriate. This is related to the facts/general truth. I reckon that present tense is the most appropriate tenses that you can possibly use for this type of question/picture.  
  
2nd paragraph:  
- I appreciate the usage of passive voices in this paragraph. Most of them are okay. Yet, you still use several simple future tense which I think it wasn't appropriate.  
  
3rd paragraph:  
- You should be able to switch the usage of active and passive voice. It depends on the meaning itself. Try to refers back to your own language before writing this in English. What would it be? It seems quite odd isn't it? Let me give you an example that I took from this paragraph:  
  
- The turbine that **is placed** on top of the hill can ~~be produced~~generate/produce higher result than domestic turbine. (see? passive voice is okay, but when active is necessary, use that without any doubts.)  
  
Hope this helps :)
... process are wood ~~blades~~ or fiber-glass blades, (repetitve words here)  
  
~~wind speed and direction [s~~ ]of detector (detector/sensor of wind speed and direction ), generator, ~~steel power~~steel tower , and also computer.  
  
The generating electricity process ~~will be gotten~~produce maximum ~~result~~electricity when it is located ...  
  
Then, the rotation ~~will be~~is detected by wind sensor  
  
Hope it works! Good luck!
Hello pram, still remember me? hahaha  
here is my advice for your writing:  
  
1. ... information about ~~producing~~how to produce (it is better to change it pram ) electricity from ...  
  
2. ... for this process are ~~wood blades or fiber-glass blades~~blades , wind speed and direction of detector, generator, steel power, and also computer. (it makes repetition, you should change your sentence )  
  
3. The generating electricity process will be gotten maximum ... ( it should be " to generate maximum power of electricity, the power plant should be located....."..... )  
  
I think you did it well, good job!
**Some people think that online computer game is useful for children, while others claim is bad. What are advantages and disadvantages of online computer game for children?**  
  
Children playing online games will bring out drawback like children spending more time in front of computer, but they can increase their knowledge by harnessing such technology.  
  
Many children feel happy when they are playing game online so that they are ready to stay long time front of computer. Unfortunately, this activity brings some drawbacks for children because their time to study is spent on playing game and is less to communicate with their fellow, besides, this trend increases sense of individualism showed by children in their daily lives. It is true that playing games brings several demerits for children.  
  
On the other hand, many people argue that children playing game online will be smart and this activity will be able to enhance children knowledge. In fact in this era several children are smart because of the tendency to play online games. This is because online game provides many features educating and improving children brain to think smart and encourage imagination and creativity, as well as concentration, logical thinking and problem solving, all of which are useful skills outside the gaming context. For instance, in online game, there are some games like mathematics game, biology game, puzzle, which is often played by children. By using those game children can be learning by playing and they get many new things. As the result children can broaden their knowledge. This condition shows that online games have more benefits for increasing knowledge of children.  
  
To conclude, although game online decrease children's time to study but effect of game online really help children to enhance their knowledge.
hi raja I have feedback for your essay  
  
Children playing online games will bring out drawback like children spending ... ( it is better to mention others statements before you write your thesis statement as your background essay)  
  
... when they are playing ~~game~~ online games~~so that~~and they are ready to stay in~~long time~~ front of computer longer .  
... drawbacks for children because ~~their time to study is~~they spent much time to play~~ing~~game than studying and ~~is~~ less to communicate with their fellow~~,~~ besides,  
  
keep writing (^,^)
Hi, I'm trying to make some comments  
  
1. Children ~~playing online games~~who play online games will bring out drawback ~~like~~such as~~children~~ spending more time ...  
# It is better to use conjunction to make it complex sentence ----> Children who play online games  
# you have already mentioned 'children' in the beginning, so to reduce repetitive just delete the second 'children'  
  
2. Many children feel happy when they are playing game online so that they are ...  
It is better for you to use present perfect because the action happen in the past and still continue or there is an effect today.  
  
Thank you  
Hopefully it can useful
Hello Bekuk! I will give you some opinions about your essay.  
  
Introduction:  
(1) Children **who** playing online games will bring out drawback ***(a drawback or some drawbacks. You should give an emphasize)*** like children spending (...) increase their knowledge by *harnessing***using** such technology.  
  
Based on CALD : harness is to put a harness on a horse, or to connect a horse to a vehicle using a harness  
or control and make use of (natural resources), especially to produce energy.  
  
(2) ... provides many features **that can be** educating and improving children**'s** brain to think smart and **to** encourage **their** imagination and creativity... -> This sentence is too long. You should separate into two parts.  
  
(3) ... online game, there are *some games* like mathematics game, biology game, puzzle, which ~~is~~**are** often played by children. .  
  
Conclusion:  
To conclude, although game online **decrease children's time to study** but effect of...  
You give new opinion in your conclusion. You better mention your idea here and maybe give a solution