dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**To date, various nations in the world has open opportunities for women to participate in the armed force. Some individuals consider the trend beneficial due to its gender equity nature, while others disagree with such policy.  
  
To what extent do you agree with such a procedure?**  
  
## ladies in uniforms with guns

  
  
Nowadays, it is common to see more and more nations having opened opportunities for women to participate in the armed force. There is a great deal of controversy surrounding this issue for a long time.  
  
In the previous decades, women are usually considered helpless in our army. It is a discrimination. They are mainly given tremendous roles on their families rather than other things. It is their responsibilities to concentrate on family members. For instance, nature a child to be a productive adult.  
  
However, accompany by the women rights rising, women have been given multifunctional position. They could vote, teach, drive a taxi, capture criminals and so on.They could accomplish various things efficiently over our imagination, and also take good care on their families. Take Israel for example, there are massive riots and wars happened almost everyday. The demanding on armed force is necessary. They could feed their babies and fight for their country at the same time, it has been taken for granted in their culture. All residents should defend their country.  
  
Therefore, female could join the armed force has been a new trend all over the world. We should treat this issue in open-minded. It could happened that women be a part of our armed force members.
## broadcasting sports events and its impact on people

  
  
**in many parts of the world there is continuous coverage of sport on television. some people believe this discourages the young from taking part in any sport themselves. discuss this view and give your own opinion**  
  
Nowadays, technology brings big impact to all life aspects, include in sport. sport events are broadcast all over the world. some of them has purpose to give information about the match while the others only entertain the audience.  
  
the main reason why people watch sport event on television is because they do not have any time for coming to the arena to see their favorite team played. they were busy at work and got tired. so they think watch sport in television is the best way to relax. in addition, watching sport on tube is the best way to save money. instead of spent it to buy the ticket and the refreshment.  
  
therefore, this condition made the society, especially the youth lack of taking part in any sports themselves. for instance, after the audience watched football games, they only discussed it in social media while some people discussed with their office-mate in the next day.  
  
finally, in my opinion the purpose of broadcasting of sport event on television have deviated. it would be worse if some sport channel not make campaign to persuade the audience to taking part in the game
## Various cultural activities in Scotland

  
  
The given table depicts age-wise details of participation in terms of various cultural activities, which were taken from a survey of 6800 Scottish adults over the past year.  
  
Generally, the cultural pursuits in the provided table were grouped into 6 types with the most participants registering in performance, craft works, visual arts and cultural purchases of between 15-22% for all respondents. In contrast, writing and computer-assisted cultural activities generated a low level of interest, which varied between 6 and 7%.  
  
Looking at the specific demographic groups, the 16-24 year-olds were most likely to undertake performance and visual arts, at 35% and 30% respectively. The remaining cultural categories were less participated, whose recorded percentages were similar from 10 to 17%.  
  
For participants aged between 25 and 44 years old as well as the 45-75 year-olds, the cultural activities including engaging performance, craftworks, purchasing items of cultural interest and visual arts had the highest level of participation, ranging from 11 to 22% of all those surveyed. Writing and computer-based pursuits experienced less interest in these age groups at a comparatively small range of between 5-9%.  
  
*   
*Scottish cultural activities*
## Promotions based on seniority or performance

  
  
**In some organizations, promotions are based on seniority, while in other organizations, promotions are based on performance. Discuss the advantages of each position. Then indicate which position you think is best and why.**  
  
In some organizations, promotions are based on seniority and are based on performance. Each of this position has advantages.  
The advantages of promotions that based on seniority are the member of organization do not have to show high performance to their employer and there will be no competition to get a promotion. First, the more senior they are, the higher opportunity they get the promotion. The senior only wait for the promotion and they do not have to work hard or show high performance. They even do not think about competition with the junior who have better performance.  
  
On the other hand, promotions based on performance have several advantages. First, there is high organization productivity. This will make the members compete against each other to get the promotion. They will show high performance to the employer. This action motivates the member to be more productive. Therefore, it will give positive effect to the organization productivity. What people do is as good as they get. Those members with better performance are worthy. As a result, they may think that it is fair. Hence, the condition of the organization will be conducive, this is the second advantage.  
  
I think promotions based on performance is the best decision. Positive competition between members, high performance, and productivity of the members and conducive condition inside the organization will bring the organization bright future. The more productive the organization, the higher goal they can achieve.
"In some organizations, promotions are based on seniority and are based on performance" --> do not copy exactly words from your question. You should paraphrase, so that it has the same meaning, but with different words.  
  
"The advantages of promotions that based on seniority are the member ..." --> your sentence has three main verbs "are", "do", "will be". It is not acceptable. You should use a relative pronoun ( who, that, which, whose and whom) to introduce a defining relative clause. Personally, I will fix the sentence like this: "The advantages of seniority-based promotions are the fact that members of organization do not have to show high performance to their employers, as a result, there will be no competition to get a promotion."
Hi @vinusi, you could have done a better job of discussing the matter related to promotions based on seniority or performance platform.  
First of all, in my opinions, your paraphrasing sentences is quite simple and not really accurate. Personally, I could write this one as follows:  
"In some organizations, there have been two ways based on seniority or performance to promote employees for their contributions to the company, but these generate a controversy in the midst of two viewpoints".  
  
Then you have to answer the questions of this topic in introduction passage: "Then indicate which position you think is best and why".  
"midst of two viewpoints...Personally, before getting a higher position, the employees have to experience working hours long enough and demonstrate their competence to managers from fair level or higher. But the most crucial element is still performance dedicating profit for that firm."  
  
In the first detail block, you should demonstrate the advantages of promotion based on seniority instead of giving its drawbacks. It does not focus on the requirement of the topic.  
  
all for now, but i think you should use more academic words to rise up their band score.  
Thanks
## SCHOOL AFTER SCHOOL

  
  
Task: **Letter to the editor, 2 reasons if school should allow the public to use school sport facilities after school time**  
  
Dear editor,  
  
I am writing to lodge 2 reasons on why schools should allow the public to use school sports facilities after school time.  
  
First and foremost, due to the limited public venues provided by the government, it is hard for the government to encourage the public to do more sports only by launching a series of health education and promotion. On the contrary, the government can provide more opportunities for the citizens to do sports by opening up school sports facilities to the public.  
  
On the other hand, not only does the public gain more chances to use sports facilities in doing particular sports-related activities,  
the government can also utilise less public resources in making the same effect as they can open up more sports facilities instead of building new ones. And I believe the government, as a key stakeholder concerning citizens' health, has a vital role in promoting healthy lifestyles among citizens. This would likely result in an increase in the efficiency of workers hence the economic growth would be driven up.  
  
Some schools may argue that opening up the venue would have potential safety issues for the users. Nevertheless, other government venues would also carry the same, equal risk. To minimise the potential risks, the government can publish brochures with guidelines on how to use the equipment and stretch properly. In addition to this, the government can offer more well-trained and experienced equipment-checkers to scrutinised the equipment from wearing down.  
  
Health is of paramount importance to every citzens and schools should allow the public to use school sports facilities after school time in order to help the government to build up a healthy lifestyle. Therefore, wih the suggestion mentioned above, I hope schools can take it into practice in due course.  
  
Yours faithfully,  
Chris Wong (signature)  
Chris Wong
And I believe the government, as a key ...  
I think it would be way better to say: I believe the government, in terms of citizens' health, plays a vital role in promoting healthy lifestyles....  
  
This would likely result in an increase in ...  
would be more likely to lead to an...  
  
andschools should allow (...) school time in order to help the government to ...  
Therefore, wih the suggestion ...  
and --> So/Hence/Therefore  
in order to help --> coordinating  
Therefore ---> Finally/In a word/In conclusion...  
Hope my advice can help you.
**It is necessary for parents to attend parenting course to bring their children up.  
  
Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## the knowledge how to raise a child

  
  
One of the most noticeable factors which influence on children achievement is parents' knowledge. this is why some people argue that, it is good if parents join to parenting training course while the others say that it is unnecessary to follow. Personally, I think that parents should enroll the parenting training course since it has many advantages not only for them but also for their children.  
  
Parents are the key factor which determines children's achievement. Parents are responsible to educate their children due to the fact that parents have to get involved to parenting course. By following that programme, parents could learn many things which connect with children improvement. For example, when they are merging that programme, they will be provided much information regarding common problem is related with children difficulty like learning process, then they also will learn about how to tackle that problem so that they will be easy to recognize their children problem, and they know what the best solution for that. As a result, children will get a proper result and good performance in the class.  
  
However, for workers parents, it is difficult to join in parenting training course for they have no much time for that. They tend to concern on their work so that almost all their time is spent on working. Furthermore, they are more likely to hand over their children to school as school are responsible to educate the children due to the fact it is unnecessary for them to join the parenting course training.  
  
All in all, I think that parents should be actively involved in particular course such the parenting training course since it could extent their knowledge about children improvement. They play big role to determine their children's achievement.
Hidayat, you need to know that Thesis Statement in body introduction is a general answer of the given question. This part also determines your way of describing the issues. Once saying that you ' I PERSONALLY ARGUE THAT PARENTS SHOULD ENROLL THE PROGRAM, it indicates your in full agreement with the PROMPT. For this reason, your body paragraph either one or two should confirm your position. Addressing both sides does not fit with your thesis and therefore you are failed to meet the task achievement. Let me correct your Thesis statement.  
  
*This essay argues that while the limitation of time will make parents difficult to follow the training program, I tend to believe that it should be attended by them as they are the closest party with their children.*
***Hi Reza**, I reckon you have needed improvements for finalizing your essay. Please meet my notes and review them so that you don't fall in the same mistakes.  
  
1. Pay attention to delivering proper words. Besides, you have to know how to put the verb. For example, if you wanna use the word "join", you don't need preposition like "parents join to parenting training course". Well, you might wanna evade repetition, but you are supposed to consider the context of using those words. Keep in your mind that the lexical resource is the essential point, but you don't make another hole in using improper words.  
  
2. For your thesis statement, you directly mentioned many advantages which you mean so that you can briefly describe what you will explain in the body paragraphs. You only required underline of those.  
  
3. Be careful of using the conjunction because that can change the meaning. Make sure what you write is what you mind. In the second sentence of the first paragraph, you should pick up the word "so that", not to present "due to". Please, double check your sentences so that you can lessen your mistakes.  
  
4. You created the compound sentences, but you forgot to place the conjunction. Besides, you made the so long sentence in the fourth sentence of the first body. Avoid that in order to make the good flow.  
  
5. Actually, your big problem is your position. I have not found your position clearly in the essay. It's better if you state whether you agree or disagree. Focus on the question because that influences the task response.  
  
Hopefully, those can help you to enhance your ability  
GOOD LUCK*
**Learning would be improved through the extensive use of computers in the classroom. This would reduce the number of teachers required, which would be an advantage. Discuss.**  
  
## Can technology replace teachers?

  
  
Nowadays, with the immense advances of modern science and technology, computers are widely used in classrooms to improve the teaching and learning quality. This may lead to the decline in the number of teachers required. In my opinion, this phenomenon either brings about many benefits and maintains a number of drawbacks.  
  
First and foremost, most of computers in schools are now access to the high-speed Internet, which helps student approach a variety of learning materials around the world in different fields ranging from science or biology to geography or history. These materials can help students obtain general knowledge and increase level of cognitive achievement. Additionally, making use of computers will assist teachers in preparing for lessons and help them save much time and provide students with high-quality lectures.  
  
However, there are some disadvantages when utilising computers in classrooms. Firstly, schools equipped with modern technology hardly sidestep an issue of funding and financial resources. As a result, many schools in developing countries still remains traditional classes with poor-quality facilities and equipments. Secondly, human contact is of great importance so it is necessary for students to practice teamwork skills and communication skills. Finally, teachers play an integral part in evaluating student's progress and acknowledging their deficiencies.  
  
In summary, it is beneficial to use computers in classrooms; yet, teachers are still on demand and their roles are considered important.
***Hi Vu**, I will try giving you a few suggestions for finalizing this essay. Please, you meet my notes and deal with them.  
First, you have missed one of the essential points in writing. The number of your words is less than 250 words. Keep in your mind that you are supposed to meet the requirement if you wanna get a high score. Your score will fall down due to this matter. Then, for your introductory paragraph, you successfully paraphrased the statement given. However, you needed to make your thesis statement clearer. I meant that you should mention underlining of points what you would explain in the body paragraph. This is very important to describe briefly.  
  
For your body paragraphs, you actually had great ideas elucidating the issue, but you required to expand your idea. You are supposed to strengthen your opinion with adding examples. Those can be extracted from personal experiences, articles or scientific facts. I really believe you can get the high score in the task responses on condition that you wanna sharpen your view. In the second body paragraph, it is clear that you had the good opinion about the matter, but you have to add extra supporting ideas in two opinions.  
  
In the conclusion, I hope you add suggestions for the issue so that you can complete the paragraph. I remind that the good paragraph has at least three sentences. Hopefully, those my suggestion can help you ti improve your skill.  
  
GOOD LUCK*
**It has been suggested that everyone in the world wants to own a car, a TV and a fridge. Do you think disadvantages of such a development outweigh advantages?**  
  
## the evolution of human needs

  
  
The desire of having own items is human nature. With the boost of economic development and the growing number of advertisement, raise the desire of having more and more products. Whether owing a car, a TV, even a fridge is essential or not, I think the drawbacks are by far than the benefits for following reasons.  
  
First of all, these kinds of products are certainly not necessary. I suppose the first thing people should consider before purchasing is that are they must to have? Since people are easily manipulated by ubiquitous media, which persuade people to buy the goods they actually do not require. Moreover, some people consume beyond they can afford, inevitably causing the debt they have no ability to pay.  
  
The second reason for the negative influence of this development is that it widens the gap between rich and poor people. The encouragement of having own vehicle, entertainment and electronic appliances raise the desire which can only fulfill by the wealthy instead of the poor. Under such situation, jealousness, unfairness and anger emerge.  
  
Some people may argue that the purchasing stimulates the economic. It can be partial right, however, the reasonable consumption id limited in an affordable range, which means, the over-budget consumption generate the bad consequence, dragging the economic dramatically.  
  
To sum up, the over-chasing of owing products is not encouraged. People should evaluate their financial condition and think twice before action.
@Arlen  
You have already presented your opinion quite clearly. The reader can easily understand that from your point of view, the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.  
  
However, to make your essay looks even better, you might need to add a body paragraph containing the advantages. Seems like I cannot find it. Basically, to make your argument valid, you have to look at both sides, and then give a conclusion in the form of your opinion.  
  
Some tips for you:  
- For the body paragraph, put the points that is opposite to your argument first, and then explain the points you support at the next paragraph. This way, the writing will be stronger.  
  
- Put more points on the opinion that you support, and less on the opposite. For example, 3 disadvantages to 2 advantages.  
- At the conclusion paragraph, give an even more obvious argument, such as "Even though there are some advantages, however, I would argue that they are outweighed by the disadvantages."  
  
Hope this helps.
## enjoying a life in an urban place or on distant, rural areas?

  
  
MORE AND MORE PEOPLE ARE MIGRATING TO CITIES IN SEARCH OF A BETTER LIFE, BUT CITY LIFE CAN BE EXTREMELY DIFFICULT. EXPLAIN SOME OF THE DIFFICULTIES OF LIVING IN A CITY. HOW CAN GOVERNMENTS MAKE URBAN LIFE BETTER FOR EVERYONE?  
  
Essay:  
  
*From the beginning of the industrialization to today's world, urbanization has appeared and always been an enormous issue for the human beings since it is totally demanding for governments to manage such populous cities. In my opinion, there are various difficulties of living in a large city and governments have certain solutions to make urban life better.  
  
To begin with, it is apparent that cities are normally overcrowded, which may cause numerous serious problems such as high crime and poverty rates or making them more vulnerable to terrorist attacks. For instance, with the population at millions, Paris, New York City and Brussels were suffered bloody terrorist attacks, causing billions of dollars in property and infrastructure damage and thousands of deaths. The second difficulty could be that the environment, particularly the air quality in cities, is exceedingly poor. To illustrate, there was an experiment made by walking on streets in Beijing with a vacuum cleaner and using it to suck up the air for a few hours per day throughout a week. After 7 days, they got a 4 kilograms cube of metal. In addition, it is absurd to disregard the high cost of living for the urban inhabitants. Citizens have to pay expensive prices for housing, transportation and food. Consequently, the city life these days is obviously hard, unhealthy and even insecure.  
  
To tackle those complicated issues, I believe governments have several measures to take. Firstly, removing industrial zones to rural areas would be the perfect solution. People tend to move to large metropolises on account of their attractiveness for job opportunities, hence this strategy could help to decrease the overcrowding, pollution and traffic congestion in cities and also balance the urban and rural areas in population and economy. Secondly, governments should invest more and more money for affordable and social housing, which could help to raise the standard of living, especially for the less well off. Furthermore, in order to counter crime and terrorist attacks, increasing security forces and controlling immigrants seem to be the sole ways. Frankly, these are just partial measures for this worry, a permanent solution is still out of reach.  
  
In conclusion, it is undoubted that city life is not simply easy. Nevertheless, it is believed that governments have enough ability and power to solve those issues, notwithstanding the existing entanglements.*