dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
mother is first school for everyone  
  
Arabian people said "mother is first school for everyone". This show that parents have a role to educate their children before going to school later. Does parents take their babies to school on the next day after just born to this world, to be taught everything including how to be a good members of society? The earliest babies will go to school may be 2 or 3 years later.  
  
When the babies has started to recognize their parents, their families, their friends, and also their environment, parents have to educate their children how to play well. For examples, parents educate their children to share their own food or drink to friends, lend their own toys to whoever wants to borrow it, say greetings when meet each others, say sorry when guilty, and much more. What the result if parents just rely on school? Does parents just feed their children, bathe, lull, give everything desire, and shut up when their children are crying, without educate socialization?  
  
When children have entered school, it doesn't mean that the role of parents in educate their children finished and then turn over to teachers in the school. No. Parents still have to educate their children. Precisely parents must to give more attention to their children. Why? At children's new world which is school, they meet more people and see anything new in the world, both at school or along the way to school and when return from school. So parents have to filter children development. It could be the children saw something bad or got bad treatment from their friends at school. If parents don't filter the children development, the children can to do bad treatment to other. Children who are controlled by their parents are not necessarily good. Children can be a good member in their family but be bad member out of home. Or vise versa. Children can be a good student in the school but be bad child at home. We don't know that. It mean that education is not enough only in the school. In fact, home is a place to filter self from anything new that we got outside. So role of parents to educate their children wouldn't be end.
Since you did not upload the prompt for the essay you wrote, I cannot accurately assume that you are discussing this based on the proper prompt requirements. The original version of this prompt that I know of, requires a comparative discussion between the role of parents and teachers in regard to teaching children to be good members of society. After which, your opinion, regarding which side you believe to be more responsible for that act, should be discussed.  
  
You have offered a single opinion discussion, with prompt deviating rhetorical questions in your essay. It does not, in my opinion, follow the previous prompt discussion requirements. Again, I am basing this on the standard prompt for this discussion. I would have been able to review this essay with more accuracy if you had provided a copy of the original prompt.  
  
The essay you have written, for a task 2 presentation is too long. You only have 40 minutes to write this paper in a relevant manner. That is why you are advised to write no more than 5 sentence per paragraph. You approach this as if you were writing a speech instead of a simple opinion paper. You are practically orating in this presentation. Only clear explanations, in quick but meaningful forms are required for this type of presentation. You will run out of time during the actual test if you try to write something this long. You will lose sight of the original discussion topic, which, I assume, is what happened in this presentation.
## The line chart illustrates how many books are borrowed from four libraries during a 4-month period.

  
  
Overall, there was a rising trend in the number of books borrowed from Western Eaton, Church Mount as well as Sutton Wood, while the quantity of books borrowed from Rye slip was dropping. In June, the number of books borrowed from Ryeslip is the most popular, which was replaced by Sutton Wood in July and September. Therefore, the books borrowed from Sutton Wood became the most popular in the final month.  
  
As for the number of books borrowed from Sutton Wood, at the beginning of period, there was an upward tendency in the number of books borrowed from Sutton Wood from 250 in June to about 260 in July, decreasing to 100 in August. Then it increased dramatically to 300 in September.  
  
Finally, the figure of books borrowed from Western Eaton was seen to increase from 50 to 150 during from June to September, overtaking the number of books borrowed from Church Mount in July.  
  
*
The report does not have comprehensive information. You have gone directly to the trending statement and information presentation. You totally avoided the Summary Overview which is almost half the total score for the essay. Do not expect to get a passing score when you have not completely met the writing requirements for the task. Your presentation must always start with the summary overview as that helps the reader create a mental image of the discussion you are presenting. Without it, the reader has no idea:  
  
- What the topic is about  
- What sort of image is presented  
- What data accompanies the analysis of the information  
  
An incomplete summary means that you did not really outline your presentation prior to writing. It means that your work is sloppy and not worth the time it took for you to type up. Even though you presented 155 words, that is no assurance that you have met all of the task requirements for the essay. Never take shortcuts. Always be informative. Start with a summary overview otherwise, your TA score will suffer immensely.  
  
Let me be clear, describing the image in the title does not equate to a summary overview.
Dear forum! Thank you in advance for some comments. I'm preparing for the IELTS exam and I would like to hear your feedback on my essay.  
  
## money spent on children's sport / participation in different disciplines

  
  
The first chart provides information about how much British parents spent on their children's sports every month and the second chart presents how many children took part in three sports from 2008 to 2014.  
  
Overall, the figure for average monthly spending experienced an upward trend. The number of participants in three sports saw an increase, albeit at different rates. However, football remained more popular than athletics and swimming.  
  
The figure for parents' spending stood at 20 pounds at the beginning of the recorded period. By then there was a gradual increase over the following six years, before this data climbed to over 30 pounds in 2014.  
  
Looking at the participation numbers, there were 7.5 million children who played football in 2008, while the number of swimmers was nearly 2.5 million and that of athletics participants was just less than 1 million.The following years witnessed a dramatic increase in the quantity of kids practicing athletics and swimming. In particular, the figure for swimming and athletics experienced a twofold and fivefold increase respectively. In the meanwhile, football just witnessed a slight rise but still remained as the highest figure over the time frame.  
  
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Learn to divide your statements in order to provide idea clarity. In the summary overview, you created a confusing run on sentence when the presentation should have been:  
  
Sentence 1: Types and number of images  
Sentence 2: Description of image 1  
Sentence 3: Description of image 2  
Sentence 4: Trend for image 1  
Sentence 5: Trend for image 2  
  
By separating the presentation information into individual sentences, the paragraph creates a clearer, more understandable, and completely developed discussion presentation. You do not score less for not writing in individual sentences. In fact, it can increase your score because you will have the chance to properly develop a simple and complex sentence presentation in every paragraph.  
  
It is also advisable to maintain at least a 3 sentence presentation per paragraph for idea development and explanation clarity. When you have only 2 sentences, the explanation comes across as incomplete. The data presentation should contain a completely analyzed information presentation, regardless of what information you opt to share in that paragraph. It is the clarity of the explanation, based on details, that create the C&C score.
## chart analysis task

  
  
Exercise 3: The chart shows the percentage of car manufacturer's total sales in North America, South America, Europe and Asia.  
  
The graph provides information about the proportion of total sales of car manufacturers in four continents over the course of 4 years, starting from 2006. Overall, there was an upward trend in the number of total car sales in Asia and Europe, as opposed to the data for South America and North America. The data for North America registered the lowest figures throughout the period, bottoming in 2008. In addition, South America displayed the greatest difference over the period.  
  
In 2006, almost 30% of Asians bought cars, which slightly increased to 33% in 2007. The data remained unchanged until 2008, before climbing to reach the highest value on record of 50% in 2010, making it the most popular car manufacturer in that year. In contrast, the proportion of cars traded in North America, with the figure standing at 10% of total sales of car manufacturers, witnessed a two-fold descend to 5% in 2009. This figure then recovered slightly to 11% in 2010.  
  
In the first year of the period, the percentage of total car sales of European car manufacturers and South American were approximately the same, at about 30%. The data for Europe exhibited a gradual growth of 8% to reach 38% in 2008, followed by a slight decline of 8% after 2 years. Likewise, the percentage of total car sales of South American car producers fell and remained unchanged at 21% in the next 2 years, before slightly descending to 9% in 2010.
I will be unable to review your paper accurately due to the lack of image in the presentation. You must always provide the image that accompanies the prompt because it is vital for me, as the educational consultant, when reviewing the work you have submitted. The image can spell the difference between my analyzing your work as having passed or failed the task. Upload the image next time for more accurate review of your work.  
  
You have gone beyond the word allotment for the 20 minute task. You should be able to keep your report short, within 175-190 words, while still being clear about the information being presented. Over analyzing the presentation will not be good for you because it will force you to cut into the 40 minute writing time for the Task 2 essay. Believe me, you want to keep that 40 minute writing allowance for the second task. You can write clearly, but in a shorter manner if you learn to draft your essay by noting specific information, and then writing the essay. That way you can quickly move on to the proof reading aspect, which can help you get a higher score in the final consideration.  
  
Now, you have a good grasp of the English language. You have used the vocabulary properly, as far as I can tell. However, the grammar perfection needs to be counter checked by the validity and accuracy of your image discussion. Something that I cannot check because of the lack of uploaded image. So do not pat yourself on the back just yet. There is in assurance that you did well in the writing portion.  
  
For one, you only mentioned a graph in your first sentence. You do know that there are several types of graphs right? Also, the original title says a chart was uploaded. A chart is different from a graph. Which is it? So, based on the inaccurate and questionable image identification alone, there is already a problem with the accuracy of your presentation. Maybe I can give you a better review next time. That is, if you remember to upload the image along with your report.
## Is Success Luck or Hard Work?

  
  
Some people believe that hard working is the only reason for success instead of luck, while others do not. From my perspective, I disagree with the statement that only working hard can make people succeed because of the following reasons.  
  
To begin with, I believe having a better growing environment is a kind of luck for people to succeed. For expample, my friend, Judy, who was born in a rich family, she got the great education since she was little and have all the resourses she want to help her pursue the life goal. She does not need to worry about the money because her family is wealthy and make her get the dream job easily. Meanwhile, people who are working hard but lack of finance support might need to spent more time and efforts to reach the goal. Hence, I believe having a nice backround is a luck that can make people quickly approach the success.  
  
Seconly, I think luck happens when we meet the right people. Take my sister as an example, it is her dream to open a coffee shop but she can not find any place in the city that is cheap and convenient. Until one day, she bounded into a man on a street who want to lend his place in low price because he needed some cash. My sister loved his place and rent it immediatly. Consequently, it was her luck to meet that guy at the right time, otherwise she will just continue searching for a place.  
  
The last but not least, it is lucky when people getting opportunies to reach their succed. We all know that opportuinites are for the people who are well-prepared. From my viewpoint, well-prepared is not enough, we need luck to meet these precious chances. For instance, if my father never get a chance to promote in his department,he would not know how capable he is to manage the company and bring the company to a bigger success. That is how opportunity gives your life an unexpected suprise.  
  
To sum up, because of the evironment which we growing up , the people we meet and opportunities we have, I believe that luck is an important element for people to succeed.
For the IELTS Writing test, I think you should use more formal language. You shouldn't use the examples of your friends and family because it would become informal a little bit, which could give you a lower score. (band 5.5 - 6)  
  
You have a lot of typos in this essay.  
... family, ~~she~~ got the great ... have all the resources she wants to ...  
... opportunities to reach their succeed"  
... of the environment which ... people we meet, and ...
Hello,  
I think your third idea ( the one about the lucky opportunity) is not convincing, particularly because of your example. You said that it is luck that your father gets promoted in his department but I think it is his competence or his ability to be a leader that turns him into a manager. Luck is only temporary and the head of the department would promote someone who he thinks is capable of managing a whole company( even when that employee doesn't know if he is capable of doing so) instead of a lucky person. Thus, I think you should change your third idea into something else.  
  
The rest of the essay is, in my opinion, logical and relevant to the topic but here are a few errors associated with your vocabulary and grammar that can cause you to lose points.  
  
In the first paragraph,  
"... that hard working is..." Hard working is an adj and in this sentence, you have to use a noun so use the word "hard word" instead.  
  
"... can make people ~~succeed~~ SUCCESSFUL..." ( Make sb + adj, ex: it makes me angry...)  
  
In the second paragraph,  
"For ~~expample~~ EXAMPLE, ... was born ~~in~~ INTO a rich family..."( Born into is a phrasal verb)  
"... but lack of ~~finance~~ FINANCIAL support..." ( You must use an adj before a noun in this sentence.)  
"... having a nice ~~backround~~ BACKGROUND is ~~a~~ luck that...( Luck is an uncountable noun so you should use a lucky thing or a stroke of luck instead.)  
  
That's all from me.
## when choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration

  
  
It is true that salary is a crucial factor for numerous people opting for a job. While I accept that this may fit a lot of job seekers, I do believe that they should ponder not only salary level but also other features.  
  
On the one hand, salary is essential for everyone to survive. We all need money in order to afford our living standards such as housing, food, bills, and so on. Hence, without salary, you could pay for none of your basic demands. Moreover, this aspect is also a great motivation for us to pursue our dream. Being paid reasonably can make you feel satisfied with your work and have enough money to carry on your desire. For instance, an artist needs a good payment to purchase drawing equipment to paint gorgeous articles.  
  
On the other hand, some other categories need to be considered when selecting a career. First, the working condition is an extremely important thing to be noticed. The state of the facilities, environment, or even your colleagues. Obviously, we are unable to work in a place with noise from vehicles or machines. Moreover, being in a building having a shortage of amenities like air- conditioner, computer, or working with uncooperative, indolent colleagues prevent you from concentrating. As a result, your productivity will easily decline significantly. Furthermore, many people tend to choose a stable job. The reason why a large number of employees do not want to alter their occupation is the lack of ability to adapt new environment. For example, some people might feel problematic to move to a different area or make friends.  
  
In conclusion, there is no doubt that money is fundamental for various people when opting for their career, however, there are more aspects which are as valuable as salary in the job decision.  
  
\*\*\* Can someone mark this essay, and tell me how to improve it? \*\*\*  
Thank you
Nobody should mark your essay here. A student who dares to mark your essay will find his account suspended. Scoring or, as you call it, marking, is part of our premium services which you have to acquire privately from us.  
  
This is an extent essay. Therefore, stating information in the first sentence as "true" creates a prompt deviation on your part. The first deviation, is offering an opinion as a fact when it is not required and second, you do not offer a measured response in relation to the original prompt. Compare the original presentation to the one you have in this post and you will easily understand why your essay will receive a non passing score for this presentation:  
  
Original Topic: When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. ( No claim of truthfulness or validity is being made, only a statement of the topic)  
  
Your Topic: It is true that salary is a crucial factor for numerous people opting for a job. ( Factual statement is claimed which runs counter to the mere statement originally offered.)  
  
Discussion Question: To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
Response: While I accept that this may fit a lot of job seekers, I do believe that they should ponder not only salary level but also other features. (Reasoning statement is provided without a measured response indicated.)  
  
There is a lack of clarity in your response as there is no clear opinion presented based upon the measured response requirement. There is no midway point in this presentation that will allow you to agree and disagree with both implied sides of the discussion. Which is it? It appears that you disagree with the statement based on the reason you provided. You should have indicated a disagreement in response to the question, then added the reason for your disagreement as having other consideration points other than simply the salary a job offers. It is that point of view that will require 2 supporting reasons in the discussion presentation.
## In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people.

  
***Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?***  
  
In some nations, home ownership becomes increasingly prominent role for people compared to rent home. In my opinion, although this tendency stems from the concerns of privacy of people, it is feasibly prone to advantageous position  
  
There are many contributions lead to this situation but the chief motivation is definitely the deprivation of privacy. When people live in a rent house, it is apparent that many strangers reside together and likely to cope with the risk of criminal, especially in apartment. Hence in some places are lack of security, people may endeavor to get private information with regard to the person they require by hiring detective or observing secretly. Not only this action violates illegally the rights of individual, it can also make the victims become isolated from society and result in mental issues. Reportedly, in fact, because of being exploited individual information, people have to deal with immoderate amount of pressure and unreasonable disreputation from other inhabitants who live nearby them  
  
Otherwise, individual house is regarded as an advantageous trend owing to its benefits for the liver as a whole. By living in their own houses, they may sense relax more effectively since they are not easily disturbed by strangers and tantamount to an incentive for increasing productivity in the workplace and improving optimism in order to improve quality of working. By contrast, frequently, some tenements or blocks of flats for renting have extremely noise pollution and detrimental for families have children as well  
  
In conclusion, base on the convenience, people are more likely to buy houses in some nations as they don't want to be deprived of privacy and be more productive. While rented house often remain draw back such as its noise  
  
++Please tell me about grammar, vocabulary and coherence