dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Some people think that governments should invest more in public services instead of wasting money on arts such as music and paintings.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
It is reckoned that more attention should be paid on investment in public services rather than in Arts. In my opinion, I do agree with it, in which most government investments should be spent on public services, but arts cannot be neglected by government entirely. This is because the arts can entertain most people in many ways.  
  
For some people, arts cannot be separated in human lives. People need the arts in order to get entertained while they are mired in low spirits or feel bored with daily activities. For example, several people go to music concert or attend painting exhibition with expectation these activities could be a consolation in the middle of their sorrow or busy lives. But, at the same time, people are not prepared when they have to pay high fares to attend some shows. That is the primary reason why some of government investments should continue in the arts, otherwise the arts may have to close and people will not get the entertainment they need. In addition, arts can also keep our history and culture alive for future generation.  
  
With regards to public services, I would argue most government budget should be spent on these ones. This is because public services serve human basic needs, such as health and education. For instance, investment in building some new hospitals or healthcare facilities as well as in schools which can be afforded by the needy would lead to the improvement in public health and education on the whole. As such, people will not be worried about their health and future education because government has already covered their basic needs.  
  
It is obvious that when it comes to government's outlay in arts and public services, both of which should be covered even though the priority is in public services. However, I believe spending money on arts is not a waste and should continue. A balance is required for maximizing people's happiness.
HI Miftah, below are my thoughts on your essay with the focus on correcting your sentence construction.  
  
- be paid on ~~investment~~investing in public services  
- ~~In my opinion,~~- this phrase is not necessary  
- be entirely neglected by the government ~~entirely~~ .  
- This is because ~~the~~ arts can entertain ~~most~~ people in many ways.  
  
- .. arts cannot be separated ~~in~~to human lives.  
- People need ~~the~~ arts ~~in order~~ to get entertained while  
- with the expectation that these activities  
- ~~But, at the same time~~However , people are not  
- prepared when they have to pay ~~high fares~~expensive tickets to attend some shows.  
- ~~That~~This is the primary reason  
- why some ~~of~~ government ~~investments~~ should continue investing in the arts,  
  
There you have it Miftah, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and should you need further assistance, do let us know so we can help you further.
@justivy03  
Justivy, Thank you for your insightful feedback! Yes, i think I need your further assistance because i am going to take an IELTS test on November 19. I will, at least write one writing - or two if i have much time- each day and any feedback, especially from contributor, on my writing will be much appreciated. In addition, I have always wanted to improve my writing, alas I do not have any tutor, so it would be nice if you could help me improving my writing skills. Thank you in advance
**The purpose of business is to make money and they should concentrate only on this. Do you agree of disagree?**  
  
People who conduct business should concentrate only to their aims to make money. I totally believe toward this notion, since getting money in business is for the prosperity of all parts of company including employer and employee. Besides, it also can accelerate the growth of business.  
  
The majority of entrepreneurs have the similar objective to get income from their businesses. The fund that they make, will give the welfare for people who take part in those businesses. Taking my father's company as an example. The predominant vision of his company is to make money from the high income. Thus, my father as an owner will share his company benefit to his employee. Besides, my father gets many advantages from his business concentration to make money. As the result, people who involve on that business become prosperous.  
  
Another reason to focus on getting money is high income can develop a larger business. Making money in a business, encourage businessman to expedite the development of their business in all sectors. For instance, Aburizal bakrie. His main purpose to get high income in his business causes him able to create other new business sectors. As the result, because of his concentration to make money on business, his businesses become more victorious. Even now, it becomes the biggest business kingdom in Indonesia.  
  
To sum up, the objectives on businesses which entrepreneurs should concentrate is to make money. It is recommended for the new entrepreneurs to always focus on this purpose when they running their businesses.
**Hi Meireza..  
These are my few corrections for your essay. Hopefully, they can help to finalize yours.**  
  
People who conduct business should ~~concentrate~~ FOCUS only ~~to~~ ON their aims to make money.  
  
I totally believe toward this notion  
*You should display your position clearly. Agree or disagree..??*  
  
Turning to the first body paragraph, you can explain your opinion well. You have given your personal experience to support your statement. However, When I have learnt closely about your example, you did not review detailed. You said that the employees are more prosperous, but you did not mention indicators about that change. For example, that relates to their salary.  
  
Aburizal bakrie.  
*You should explain who that Aburizal Bakrie because Not all people know him.*  
  
To sum up, the objectives on businesses which entrepreneurs should concentrate is to make money  
*In the conclusion sentence, you should still show your position about that matter.*
British butterfly could be under threat from increasingly frequent episodes of extreme weather according to researcher data from the UK Butterfly Monitoring Scheme (UKBMS). The team found that rainfall level during the cocoon life stage affected more than a quarter of butterfly species in the UK. Aldina Franco from the University of East Anglia stated that this phenomenon comes out from over-wintering too early and subsequently be killed off by colder conditions.  
  
Again, Franco stated that "years with extreme warm summers and winters may have mixed effects" She conduct a study to demonstrated previously unknown sensitivities of UK butterflies to extreme climate events, which are becoming more frequent with climate change. Otherwise, some of the climate effects are undoubtedly putting future populations at risk, such as warm winters. However, we have seen that warm and even climatically extreme hot summers may actually benefit butterflies."
Hello! I will give you some opinions about your summary.  
  
(1) ... be under threat ~~from~~ increasingly **from** frequent episodes (...) according to **the** researcher data from ...  
(2) The team found that **the** rainfall level (...) life stage**,** affected more than ...  
(3) She conduct**ed** a study to demonstrated (...) of UK butterflies**,****in**to extreme climate events,  
(4) Otherwise, some ~~of the~~ climate effects are ...
Writing Task 1 page 35 cambridge 5.5-6.5  
  
The diagram illustrates the circulation of air entrance and exit from a house which cause heat lost and energy wasted. Overall, it can be seen that, air getting into the house from the parts of house that connected to the outside. Meanwhile, the heat lost in the air through the ceiling to get out from the top part of the house.  
  
The air leaking into the house in the first floor passes dryer vent, crawl space and windows above of washing machine. Crawl space between outdoor faucet and wall also the ways for the air entrance the house. In the second floor, the air getting into the house from electrical outlet, window, the crawl space at the door and from the kitchen fan vent.  
  
The heat exit to the outside house because it is pushed by the air. The heat lost in the air through the some crawl spaces. The heat leave out the house from crawl spaces such as leaking from bathroom fan vent, plumbing stack vent, attic hatch and the crawl space between two rooms. Besides, there is energy wasted on recessed light.  
  
*
1st paragraph:  
- The diagram illustrates the ~~circulation of air~~air circulation that waft through~~entrance and exit from~~ a house which cause **a heat lost and energy wasted.**(I am a little bit confused about this one)  
  
- Overall, it can be seen that, air ~~getting~~are blown into the house from ~~the~~any parts of house ...  
- Meanwhile, **the heat lost** in the air rise through the ceiling to ~~get~~leak out from the ~~top~~upper part of the house.  
  
2nd paragraph:  
- ... in the first floor pass~~es~~through dryer vent, crawl space and windows above ~~of~~ washing machine.  
- ... and wall also become the ways for the air ~~entrance the~~to enter the house.  
- In the second floor, the air ~~getting~~wafting into the house (...) space at the door, (comma is needed to be placed before "and" while you list the nouns) and from ...  
  
As you can see Ajeng, mind the word choices. You need to know that not all essay use common vocabularies. You need to use a proper synonym to use a word by checking it first whether the words are collocated properly or not. Inappropriate collocation would be dangerous towards your score.  
  
Hope this helps :)
**The pie chart shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s**  
  
The pie chart reveals information about four different types of factor that cause global land degradation in 1990. The tabel shows how much these factors influence three countries during the same period. Overall, the main factor that caused destruction of the land is over-grazing. Furthermore, Ocenia is a state where over-grazing causes a big impact of the land becomes less productive.  
  
According to the chart, the percentage of land degradation which was caused by over-grazing reached 35% and it was followed by deforestration at 30%. Meanwhile, the number of over-cultivation and other factores have almost the same ratio with 28% and 27% respectivelly.  
  
On the other hand, Europe had the largest total land degraded with 23% which was caused mainly by deforestration and over-cultivation, with 9,8% and 7,7% respectively. Ocenia had no impact with over-cultivation, but had deforestration problem with 1,7%. In contrast North America was the state that had less impact from land degradation with total land degraded only 5%. (161 words)  
  
*
Hello... Good Morning Miss Septi :)  
Let me tell you my opinions about your summary :)  
  
Actually, I think your summary has been perfect ^\_^ because you can success to present the data by clearly grouping and correctly comparison which easily to be understand :) I'm sorry if I can't give you some corrections in this time, due to I really enjoy your summary and I can't found your other mistakes in grammars, sentences structures or tenses uses :) Hmm..Just one, you have been typo in here "~~factores~~ " and I'm sure you can correct it by yourself ..wkwkwkwk :D  
  
So Keep Practice Miss, I hope you can do the best in your real test later :)
**INTRODUCTION**  
  
**\*successfully paraphrased the question  
\*presented an overview, but did not cover all the main trends**  
Thetabel shows how much ...  
... that caused destruction of the land is over-grazing. Furthermore, Ocenia is a state where over-grazing causes a big impact of the landbecomes less productive.[/i]  
  
**BODY PARAGRAPH**  
  
**\*presented information in some organisation**  
\*less accurate complex sentences  
\*moderate lexical resources but adequate for the task  
  
... and it was followed by deforestration at 30%.  
... over-cultivation and other factores~~have~~ almost the same ratio with 28% and 27% respectivelly.  
  
On the other hand, Europe had the largest total land degraded with 23% which was caused mainly by deforestration and over-cultivation, ...  
..., but had deforestration problem with 1,7%.
There are two figures which are provide data about the degradation of land in 1990s. While the pie chart displays all countries information in general, the table divide it into some regions. Overall, over-grazing become the most influenced factor that caused land degradation in all countries. In additions, Europe had the biggest problem in land, while North America just a little percentage  
  
It can be seen that animal farms brought the highest percentage at 35 percent. It was followed by deforestation at 30 percent, and over-cultivation in the third place at 28 percent. Then, other factor had the lowest value at 7 percent.  
  
Based on the table, each region had different biggest problem. In Oceania, over-grazing reach top among the others regional problem at 11.3 percent, totally different with their cultivation problem that had zero percent. Forest cut-down tree problem was the most tremendous in Europe at 9.8 percent while over-planting became the most outweight in North America. However, in sum of all, Europe has 23 percent while North America only 5 percent.  
  
*
**INTRODUCTION**  
  
**\*tenses and sentence form (active-passive), subject+verb agreement errors  
\*appropriately selected information to be presented as overview although the way its developed/delivered is inadequate**  
  
... figures which are provide data about the ...  
Overall, over-grazing become the most influenced ...  
In additions, Europe had the biggest problem in land, while North America just a little percentage [/i] e.g. EUROPE WAS THE MOST AFFECTED  
  
**BODY PARAGRAPH**  
  
**\*presented data in some organisation**  
\*tenses inconsistencies  
\*lack of a major keyword in the first body [did not mention that those figure/percentage related to land degradation]  
  
In Oceania, over-grazing reach top among the (...) totally different with their cultivation problem ...  
Forest cut-down treeREDUNDANT/UNCLEAR problem was the (...) while over-planting became the most outweight in North America.  
... Europe has[HAD WHAT] 23 percent while North America only 5 percent.[/i]
***The purpose of business is to make money and they should concentrate only on this. Do you agree of disagree?***  
  
Some opinions mention that the main goal of entrepreneurship is to produce money without looking others and keeping focus to this. In my view, I totally disagree because business is not just talking about the money.  
  
To start with, in order to make business more useful, it must look at social impact. It can be seen that when someone starting his own business, he also creates job opportunities for other people. In addition, there are many companies that built near the resident area. Furthermore, they can recruit people that previously unemployment around the industries. So, the aim of the business not just to make profit, but even they can increase the society welfare of inhabitants that stay around the company.  
  
Moreover, enterprises should spend some of their profits to collaborate with government for national building purpose. Taken example of that, in my countries, many industries create programs that related to some aspects. First, educational aspect. They give a lot of scholarships usually for students in the university. Even they give chance for their awardee to do internship program and they also provide monthly salary. Second, social aspect. It is proven by some corporate social responsibility (CSR) programs that has already launched to help society. For instance, green environment programs that have aim to reduce global warming, entrepreneur training that usually teach social society to become entrepreneur, and others.  
  
In conclusion, it is totally wrong if businesses only for money purposes, because there are many kinds of impactful activities that can be held by industries such as for education, social welfare, and others.
Hi Faizuna, you have a nice essay though. however here is some corrections for you  
  
... goal of entrepreneurship is ~~to produce~~ money without ...  
It is essential to understand about diction. in this case, proper verbs related to money are **'to earn', 'to collect', 'to get', 'to make', or 'to receive'.** you may vary your writing through it.  
  
... I totally disagree because business is not just talking about the money.  
you have stated your reason why you do not support the idea but it needs a strong reason indeed.  
~~"If business is not always about money, then what else?...~~**you may mention other factors in simple way that will be explained further on your body paragraph.**Stating it in the introduction section will lead you to have a well-structured essay.  
  
Keep Writing. Best regards
*Aloha Faiz, here are my thoughts;*  
  
(1) ... goal of entrepreneurship is to ~~produce~~get/earn/collect money ("produce" is not collocated with "money") without looking at others and keeping focus ~~to~~on this.  
  
(2)... I totally disagree because ~~business is not just talking about the money~~(your reason is not too strong to draw people to read more your essay) .  
  
(3) ... it is totally wrong ~~if~~that businesses only for money ~~purposes~~purpose , because there are many kinds of ~~impactful~~impact activities that can (...), social welfare, **and others.**(avoid this word)
**Topic: Nowaday, overeating becomes a serious problem for the wealthy nations, a problem that is greater than hunger to other. Why is this happening? What can be the solution?**  
  
Eating habit has been always the main concern of people in today 's society from the poor to the rich. It is said that overeating in some prosperous countries has been more serious than lack of food issue in the improving nation. This problem results from several reasons and should be tackled by some immediate solutions.  
  
There are many reasons which are responsible for this alarming issue. One is that the high - living standard in developed cities adversely affects modern citizens' eating habit. More specific, people of wealthy nations are living in the most convenient condition, which allows them to get a delicious meal easier and faster than ever. For example, surrounding by numerous restaurant and shopping malls which not only sells traditional food but also specialties from other culture, they are compelled to eat more and enjoy the best in the world. Another underlying reason could be that people being inundated with various advertisements about food on TV, which appeal them to purchase and try new taste of snacks or sweet or any kind of food.  
  
To avoid this problem increasing, the following viable measures should be carried out. The government should raise public awareness about some diseases such as diabetes, obesity causing by overeating habit. Beside that, bad advertisement, which allures consumers to buy unhealthy food, shoud be banned. Eventually, the ultimate solution lies on individuals, each person should balanced their life, resist temptation from ready-to-use food and spare time to have a proper meal.  
  
In conclusion, overeating is now more harmful than the famine in some countiries. It is caused by some social reason and should be solved by plausible solutions.  
  
**(274 words)**
Dear Jessi, here some advices from me and feel free to correct me too!  
  
More specific, people ~~of~~**in** wealthy nations are ... to get a delicious meal ~~easier~~**more easy** and faster than ever.  
  
....which appeal them ~~to purchase~~**purchasing** and try**ing** new taste of snacks ~~or sweet~~ or any kind of food**s**.  
  
Beside ~~that,~~**the** bad advertisement~~,~~ which allures (...) unhealthy food~~,~~ shoud be banned. *(do not use commas)*  
  
*(For conclusion, it is better for you to mention the problems and solutions that you written in body 1 and 2)*  
  
Regards
Hello  
You have a good summary  
I have some corrections for you  
  
Eating habit has been always the main concern ... -->  
The main concern of people today society is eating habit from the poor to the rich people.  
  
This problem results from several reasons and ... -->  
This reason comes from the result of several reasons and should be tackled by some immediate solutions.  
  
Another underlying reason that possible was people being inundated with various advertisements about food on TV, which appeal them to purchase and try new taste of snacks or sweet or any kind of foods.  
  
First~~one~~ is that the high - living standard ...  
  
thanks
hai here are my suggestion for your essay  
  
This problem results from several reasons and should be tackled ...  
*i suggest to emphasise your sentence and give your clear position in your introductory paragraph*  
*this is still unclear position*  
  
... than the famine in some ~~countiries~~**countries**. It is caused by ...  
*i suggest to write down the paraphrase of your introductory paragraph and emphasise it with suggestion it will boost your score in writing*
hai jessi  
I think it is a good essay  
let me give you some advice  
  
Eating habit has been always the main concern of people in ...  
**nowadays, habits problem in eating is one of the main concerns in society.**  
  
~~One is that~~**first**, the high - living standard in ...  
For example, ~~surrounding~~it is surrounded by numerous restaurant (...) also specialties from other cultures , they are compelled ...  
Another ~~underlying~~ reason could be that ...  
  
Besides~~that~~ , bad advertisement, (...) unhealthy food, it~~shoud~~should be banned. Eventually, the ultimate solution ~~lies~~depends on individuals, each person should be balanced their life, ...  
  
thanks  
good job  
keep writing
IELTS WRITING TASK 1 : CAMBRIDGE WORKBOOK 5.5 - 6.5 | UNIT 3 PAGE 35  
  
The figure illustrates the process of heat lost and energy wasted that caused by air circulation of the house. Overall, while air that leaking is coming from every ventilation both in the underground and in the upper floor, air that is going out only occurs in the first floor, exactly in the roof.  
  
The process is started when fresh air come from the outside through some holes. There are crawl space, kitchen fan vent, windows and door in the center room, vent in the drying room, and electrical outlet in the toilet. Since the rooms contains holes that connected to the outer of the home, it makes air enters to the house both in the underground floor and in the up floor.  
  
Next, when the fresh air is already situated inside the home for replacing the heat air, so the warm air leaking out through recessed lights, attic hatch, bathroom fan vent plumbing stack vent, and chase. As a result, it makes the rooms temperature in the house become stable.  
  
*
Hi.  
here are a few corrections for your writing.  
  
... the process of RELEASING heat ~~lost~~ and energy FLOWING INTO THE HOUSE ~~wasted that caused by~~ THROUGH THE air circulation ~~of the house~~ .  
... in the underground and ~~in~~ the upper floor, (...) only occurs ~~in~~ FROM the first floor, ...  
... when fresh air comeS from the outside ...  
Since the rooms ~~contains~~ HAVE holes that connected (...) floor and ~~in~~ the up floor.  
  
Next, when the fresh air ~~is~~ already ~~situated~~ FLOWS inside the home for replacing the heatED air, so the warm air leakS~~ing~~ out through recessed lights, ...  
  
As a result, ~~it~~ THOSE make~~s~~~~the rooms~~ temperature OF ALL ROOMS in the house become stable.  
  
Note:  
1. make sure what you write.  
2. Pay attention to plural and singular  
3. Order the preposition appropriately