dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Does Attractiveness and wealth equate remedy for success?

  
  
**Some people believe that success in life depends upon hard work and determination, while others believe that other factors like money and personal appearance are important.  
  
Discuss both view and give your opinion?**  
  
Many people argue that appearance and wealth are directly linked to a success. Others believe that it can only depend on virtues like hard work and perseverance. My opinion is that success goes hand in hand with consistent work and determination.  
  
On one hand, money is seen as important, because it can provide us a good education. Since the childhood, we are constantly being told that attending a school and pursuing a secondary education are absolutely necessary in order to further succeed in life. Additionally, in our daily lives we are surrounded by advertisements promoting physical beauty, so that, unconsciously, we start associating success with physical attractiveness too.  
  
On the other hand, plenty of opportunities in the form of government subsidies and scholarships are provided today for students, who do not possess the means to pay for their higher education, but who have been doing working hard in their academics in high schools. This clearly shows that those who are determined and who work hard are judged by their merits and not by the amount of money they have.  
  
I strongly believe that there is a strong misconception that money and personal appearance are a path to success, because we live in a material world, where market economies demand us to consume more and more goods. However, although successful life might seem to depend on money and appearance, I believe that both of these factors are short-lasting and that only values like hard work and determination can lead to a successful life.  
  
Some people believe that success can be achieved through big pockets and personal looks. However, others rely on values such as hard work and determination. I believe that not everything can be bought and that strong efforts and true aspirations will always be required to achieve something worthy.
## animals are widely used in scientific research

  
  
**Some people say that it is necessary to use animals for testing the medicines intended for human beings, others however think it is cruel and unnecessary.  
  
Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
Many people argue that the usage of prescription drugs must be first tested on animals. Others believe that exploiting them in medical experiments is sadistic and can be avoided. While some animals' gene structure is similar to that of humans', I believe this should not be seen as a justification for their use as a laboratory material, because animals are our friends.  
  
On one hand, some people think it is necessary to use animals in order to test medicines, because DNA composition of some of them is very similar to humans'. Human life is priceless, so, in order to save the lives of millions, scientific research must be conducted on animals first. As a result, reaction to medicine and the death rate can be measured before the drug can be approved to treat sick people. For example, mice and rats are two well-known animals that have been frequently utilized to develop the cure for cancer.  
  
However, animals have always been an important part of our lives. We, as humans, cannot treat them as a means to an end, because it is unethical and unnecessary. It is true that there is no scientific evidence showing that animals can feel pain or suffer, but if we cannot put the price on human's life, then we cannot devalue the life of an animal either. Moreover, pharmaceutical corporations have substantial amounts of necessary resources that they can spend on paying those people who would agree to participate in a drug research.  
  
Although some people believe it is safer to use animals for testing drugs, others disagree by saying that it is unnecessary and cruel in nature. I reiterate my opinion by saying that animals are our smaller friends, which we need to protect, and paid drug tests can be conducted on people who give their consensual agreement to them.
Why do you constantly disregard the prompt discussion instruction in your prompt paraphrase? How many times do I have to tell you that the outline is strictly followed for the paraphrase? I sound like a broken record already. I am confused as to how you think you can give proper advice to the other students here when you cannot correct your own mistakes, regardless of how often these same mistakes are pointed out to you. It is difficult for others to follow the advice and examples of others who constantly make the same mistakes, even after a mirror is held up to them to show them how they keep making the same mistakes over and over again. Opening your textbook to give advice to other students is not the same as being able to properly write your essays to serve as positive examples to the others wanting and willing to learn from an exchange of information and observing how the mistakes of others can be properly corrected.  
  
Maybe you are ignoring my advice because you think you are better than a contributor and you are just coming here to show off. It seems you do not want to receive advice that can help you pass the test. There is no way I can help you if you constantly make the same mistakes. Then again, maybe you don't want my help. You just want to show off and have your ego stroked by having others tell you how good your work is, when it isn't. I am not in the practice of paying lip service to the students here. I call it as it is and I expect to see improvements in the work of students who repeatedly post here. Student's like yourself. When that doesn't happen, I have to issue an ultimatum.  
  
This will be the final advice I will be giving you. Fail to correct your mistakes in your next posting and you will no longer receive advice from me. Which is probably what you would like to happen. You can wait to receive accolades from the other students, just like yourself, in this forum instead. Now, I will do my job and review your work, which has the same mistakes again, one more time.  
  
Again, the introduction and conclusion have the same mistakes I keep pointing out in the essays you have been writing. Just review the advice I gave (if you wish) on those essays to learn how to improve and correct those mistakes. The format for the discussion always needs ownership phrases within the topic sentences of each paragraph to indicate a clear discussion point and point of view. Without it, the discussion becomes only personal in approach. The total essay is only partially correct in discussion approach. TA deductions will follow suit due to the lack of representation for the first 2 required opinions. No matter how well you think you discussed the essay, your inability to follow the discussion instructions will cause your essay to receive a less than passing mark.
@Holt  
No, you are mistaken, and I really appreciate your feedback on my essays.  
I am making honest mistakes with my essays, but this is only because I wrote several during the day on the "discuss both views" topics. That's why the same mistake have repeatedly shown in several of my essays. I apologize for that.  
  
As for giving feedback to other students, I have been trying to help students with grammar only, but have been punished for giving "pointless comments''. In no way I am trying to show off, this is not in my character at all. I just want to help others in the way I can. It is very difficult.  
  
Again, thank you for your feedback. I will work on my essays more. I hope you do not give up on me.
## the evolution of communication and information searching methods

  
  
***The internet has dramatically altered our lives over the past few decades. Although some of these changes have been negative, the overall effect of this technology has been positive. What are your opinion on this?***  
  
As technology has become well-developed, the internet has brought numerous convenience to our lives. Although some people argue that these alterations will have detrimental effects, I believe that the benefits of such invention far outweigh its drawbacks. In this essay, there are two main reasons that I will explain why I think this way.  
  
One advantage is that internet has revolutionised the way of communication. In the past, mail deliveries needed to rely on postmen and citizens had to wait for a couple of days before receiving mails, not to mention the messages sent from abroad. In modern times, however, with various online chat applications (such as WhatsApp, Line, etc.) being developed, residents are available to communicate immediately. In addition, internet has diminished the impact of geographical distance. This significantly helps people who suffer from long-distance relationships to keep their updates and feel a sense of affection without any delays through either online messages or video chats.  
  
Obtaining a vast amount of information within few minutes is another benefit of the internet. Hundreds of thousands online resources can be easily assessed at a click of a button rather than wasting a substantial period of time on searching library shelves. Admittedly, a few educationalists will argue that not all of online information is reliable as some may have inappropriate and misunderstanding content. Nonetheless, I truly think that if we know how to identify and select suitable online materials , it undoubtedly results in saving more time and efforts.  
  
In conclusion, as I stated above, I firmly believe that the internet have had more positive impacts on our lives. This is because of its influence on the evolution of communication and information searching methods, leading to a cost-effective and advantageous society.
...numerous convenience {here the noun should be plural} to our lives.  
... I will explain why I think this way {In this essay there are two main reasons that will explain why I think this way}.  
  
... internet has ~~revolutionised~~ {revolutionized} ...  
... to rely on postmen, (comma missing) and ...  
... developed, residents (poor word choice?) are ...  
  
Hundreds of thousands {of} online resources can be easily assessed (poor word choice? Maybe you mean accessed) at a click ... on searching {the} library shelves. Admittedly, a few educationalists (poor word choice?) will argue ...  
  
... that the internet have {has} had ...
Aside from a slight discussion deviation, you were able to defend your opinion very well. Also, you should have used a synonym for "the internet" because that is still a direct keyword from the original presentation. Synonyms for "the internet" include cyberspace, world wide web, hyperspace, information superhighway, and online network. It is important to use synonyms in the essay to highlight your lexical resources in relation to the given topic.  
  
Your response to the prompt requirement is not developed in accordance with the question posed. The question was:  
  
*What are your opinion on this?*  
  
Based on the opinion:  
  
...*the overall effect of this technology has been positive*  
  
You changed the discussion direction by responding:  
  
*I believe that the benefits of such invention far outweigh its drawbacks. In this essay, there are two main reasons that I will explain why I think this way.*  
  
This is an opinion essay based on a specific statement given in the discussion prompt. You altered the positive benefits discussion by indicating a discussion by discussing drawbacks. The proper response would have been:  
  
*I believe that the existence of cyberspace in the everyday activities of people provides a beneficial influence. I base this opinion on 2 factors which will be discussed below.*  
  
Try not to alter the prompt response in the paraphrase so that you will not lose points in the TA section. Avoid using parenthesis in the essay. Always use full sentences and do not use "etc." in the presentation because this is an academic essay.
*In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport.  
  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion*  
  
## *task 2 IELTS - railway lines vs existing transport*

  
  
The public discourse has been of two viewpoints about the superior way to spend on public transportation, one of which holds a preference for constructing high-speed railway lines between cities, whereas the other is in favor of developing current public systems of vehicles. Engrained in this essay is my partial agreement on both views.  
  
There are a myriad of reasons why a multitude of people are convinced by directing large expenditure to construct high-speed railway lines. In Vietnam context, current public vehicles, for instance buses, do not satisfy mass requirements due to their poor and downgraded facilities, which have lasted for decades. Hence, it is high time that a new form of transportation should be adopted to attract majority's interests. High-speed trains not only meet this demand but also require a short amount of time and produces less pollution as well. However, this constructing progress requires an enormous amount of money and can be risky at the very first stages, therefore, takes a long time to be ready for mass application.  
  
Nevertheless, others are completely against and recommend improving existing transport. It is argued that these vehicles are inexpensive and beneficial for large scale usage by citizens. Furthermore, reconstructing these would still attract people's interests in a more reasonable way. In addition to affordability, this would encourage people to use public transportation. Yet these forms of travel would not be as conducive as high-speed trains in long-distance journey.  
  
In conclusion, spending a large amount of money whether on fast trains or existing transport both have merits and downsides. Having considered this, I firmly believe that the government should invest equally in the fast rail system and existing public transportation.
Your introduction is not very good. The first sentence is very long, very complicated, and somewhat confusing. I think it would be better to divide it into two separate sentences to keep it more clear. I wouldn't use the word "engrained" with the word "opinion" in the academic writing, it seems like it has been inappropriately used. For this given topic I would write an introduction like this:  
  
*"Many people believe substantial funds should be diverted to the construction of high-speed train tracks, while others say there should be more investment in the current public transportation. (paraphrase of the task sentence) While investing in faster trains would cut journey times (idea for paragraph 1), this essay believes (your opinion) that more of the population would benefit from expenditure on buses, trams, and underground rail (idea for paragraph 2)."*  
  
Also, I don't think that "systems of vehicles" is a synonym for "transport".  
  
Your conclusion has problems too, as it fails to paraphrase the task statement and to summarize the reasons of why you partially agree with both views.  
  
You also need to work on your grammar, there are many mistakes that need to be fixed.
Both of you addressed the essay in the wrong manner. A clear misunderstanding of the prompt requirement is indicated. Both your versions and both of you converted the essay from a public point of view consideration as the basis of your personal opinion, to a personal opinion (sometimes measured response) essay. Neither are correct because the prompt should have been restated using the following outline feature:  
  
*Citizens of several countries believe that the government budget should not be heavily spent on new train track construction. This is contradicted by others who support the idea that state funding should definitely be spent on the development of mass transit development. I would like to offer my opinion on the discussion after considering the reasoning for both publicly supported sides.*  
  
**Note:** Sentence 1 paraphrases the first pov, sentence 2, the second pov, then it summarizes the outline by providing the discussion outline in the body paragraphs. That is the standard format for the introduction paraphrase. Both of you created prompt deviations, both of you would have failed the TA section because of it.  
  
@xtunx, your essay suffers from the use of too many words to make your point. This results in long-winded sentences that do not have any meaning until you get to the end of the paragraph. It is incoherent and non-cohesive in presentation. Therefore, you should practice starting your paragraph with a sentence topic, then simply following that up with 2 or 3 supporting sentences before moving on to the next one. You need clarity in your presentation. You already showed that you can write in English and that you can be understood, with a little difficulty. The difficulty stems from the way you position you topic sentences as the end of the paragraphs.  
  
Your concluding paraphrase is also incorrect. It has to follow the format of the introduction. Only this time, it has to summarize the body of paragraphs and repeat your opinion based on the given topic.
## how to Get Past Tough Situations

  
  
*SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT IT IS BEST TO ACCEPT A BAD SITUATION, SUCH AS AN UNSASTIFACTORY JOB OR SHORTAGE OF MONEY. OTHERS ARGUE THAT IT IS BETTER TO TRY AND IMPROVE SUCH SITUATIONS.  
  
DISCUSS BOTH THESE VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION.*  
  
In this day and age, in terms of how to overcome an unexpected trouble, people are always wondering about whether we should admit the loss or we should put more effort in brainstorming how to tackle it. For me, I am leaning towards the latter manner.  
  
On the one hand, there are certain justifiable rationales that make this tendency appealing to the followers. First of all, this manner seems to be the most ideal way when we are on our beams-end and can not come up even a half measure. If we are in such a dilemma, there is nothing to do except for giving up and learn valuable lessons from the failure. On the contrary, if we still insist on involving in the difficulty, we may just confine to the loss and can not be able to move on. For example, Bill Gates ,before being one of the most wealthiest and successful people in the world , was loath to admit the fall of Traf-O-Data and many other failures.  
  
However, it would not be a sensible choice to give up when you are still capable of solving the situation. How can we make progress and move on the career ladder when we just accept the failure so easily? As long as we can still come up with initiative, we have to brainstorm and try our best to make our way to success or at least overcome the mishap. It is only when the situation is out of control that we need to give up. Hence, if we ,in the worst case , surrender, we will be likely to obtain more priceless lessons and will not ascribe the loss to our laziness. As an illustration, Nguyen Ngoc Ky ,a handicapped infant, whose desire was to have a normal life like his friend was so enormous that he practiced writing with his feet industriously and as a result, not only manage to write, he is now a teacher who is well-known for his beautiful handwriting.  
  
In conclusion, I argue that if you can not go further, you may surrender and draw a leson from that . Otherwises, do your best to tackle the issue.
**Introduction**  
You didn't do a good job on paraphrasing the original statement. "Admitting the loss" is not a paraphrase for "accepting a bad situation", because not all bad situations are necessarily losses. Also, "put more effort in brainstorming how to tackle it" is not a paraphrase for "improving such situations". Your introduction does not present the ideas you will talk about in your body paragraphs. You give your opinion, but again you do not provide reasons that would support it.  
  
**Body paragraphs**  
Your body paragraphs seem to be following the structure, but your topic sentence (which is the first sentence of you paragraph) should tell the reader what you will talk about in it and should contain concrete ideas. You only mention "justifiable rationales" and this is too broad and vague.  
  
Your usage of linking words is inappropriate, you cannot say "first of all..." and then not provide additional reasons, which would support and develop your topic sentence. I also failed to understand why you used "on the contrary...", because your writing lacks clarity and correct usage of grammar.  
  
Same problem with topic sentence of the second paragraph, the idea is too general and vague, when what you should be doing is presenting an idea, that you are going to develop further later.  
  
I would refrain from rhetorical questions in the academic essays, because you are supposed to be giving clear explanations to the reader and make them follow your line of thoughts. I could not find a clear idea in your second paragraph. A good example though.  
  
**Conclusion**  
Your conclusion is not good. It did not paraphrase the task statement, did not reiterate reasons and your opinion is not supported by proper arguments.  
  
There are many grammatical mistakes throughout your essay.  
  
My suggestion is to make sure you use the words that you are 100% sure of. They might be simple, but they will convey your message in a much better and clear way.
This essay has directly disregarded the prompt instruction for a comparative discussion of the 2 points of view before the personal opinion. As such, the examiner will clearly see that you do not have very good English comprehension instructions. You will not get a passing mark for this test because you responded to only the last part of the essay, the personal opinion. There are two other sections that need to be discussed and represented in the essay. Failure to do so means the examiner will have no choice but to score you only on the part you responded to, deducting points for the possible word count that should have applied to the missing 2 opinions. Therefore, this essay, though able to represent your personal opinion, will not get a passing mark.