dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Q)  
**Some people believe that Unites States places more importance on the sight and sound media (film, television, radio and so on) than on the printed word. Present your views, either agreeing or disagreeing that reading has become less significant to Americans.**  
  
A)  
With the advancement in technology, we have become accustomed towards sight and sound media i.e films,television, radio, etc but that doesn't means that the printed words hold less importance to people in United States. I agree, though the means of reading has changed but the number of readers has not decreased relatively. These days, people use emails over the old traditional way of writing letters and telegrams, e-news over newspapers, e- brochures over pamphlets and brochures, etc but they use the words for expression though in a new version.  
  
People prefer to read the content using the digital media like i pad, tablet, laptops, etc rather than the old traditional form like novels or newspapers. I agree to the fact that with the advancement in the digital media, prospective readers might have decreased as people find it much convenient to watch a movie instead of reading a novel. On the other hand, the novel limits a person's imagination whereas if a person reads same novel rather than watching the film, the readers have a very different perspective about the story than the viewers of the film. The reader is able to imagine the character and the acts according to his/her own imagination whereas the imagination of the viewers gets restricted. Reading is like an addiction to the people who like to read. People who have a habit of reading are committed to reading so much that they give first priority to reading over other things. I travel in Bart daily and I see most of the people have two things in hand, one is they have a cup of coffee and the other is a novel or a newspaper or a kindle or a tablet for reading. I feel that 90% of the people travelling through Bart utilize their traveling time by reading and enhancing their vocabulary and imagination. Even at the airport, one can see that every two person from five are reading. Another good example is of "Game of Thrones" (GoT). There are a series of television serials made from the books and their are many readers who first read the novel and then they watch the television series.  
  
Thus generalizing and believing that the people in United States pay more importance to visual and sound media will be very unfair for the people who still devote unconditional time to reading and writing.
... tablet, laptops, etc. rather than the old traditional ~~form~~ forms like ...  
  
... travelling through Bart ~~utilize~~ utilise their travelling time by reading ...  
~~Even~~ It is common to see (...) two persons ~~from~~out of five are reading. Another good example is ~~of~~ "Game of Thrones" (GoT).  
  
Thus, ~~generalizing~~ generalising and believing that ...
Kaur, when you write an opinion essay, you must always make sure that the opening paragraph of your work signifies or relates your opinion on the matter and then outlines the discussion topics that you will be presenting for the reviewer to take note of. What you are agreeing to in the essay however is not the same as the topic being presented in the prompt.  
  
The prompt is asking you to either agree or disagree with the theory that people in the U.S. pay less attention to the written word because they place more attention on sight and sound as the source of their information. You on the other hand are agreeing that the method of reading has changed but the number of readers has not decreased. The prompt is asking you to discuss the source of information while you decided to discuss the number of people who read instead. That is where the misunderstanding of the prompt lies for you.  
  
Do you see how you would score a 1 in the Task accuracy portion because you failed to understand the prompt requirement and thus, discussed the wrong topic in relation to the prompt? There is a clear discrepancy between the two so you have to write a new essay that will better sum up the prompt question and present a better discussion more related to the prompt requirements.
@Holt  
I have rewritten the essay. Can you please review it..  
  
I agree with the view that reading has become less significant to Americans with the emergence of sight and sound media. In earlier times reading was the only source of acquiring knowledge and for entertainment. People used to read newspapers, novels, comics and other books. The trends have changed with the advancement in technology as the source of attaining knowledge and entertainment has changed drastically.  
  
Now a days, there are some people who prefer reading over using sight and sound media. But the medium of reading has changed. People prefer reading on kindle, i pad, phone or laptops rather than reading books and newspapers. Many people think that there are other ways to get knowledge instead of reading books. These days people largely depend of sight and sound media. The technology has advanced so much that rather than reading a book on your own you can listen it. There are so many softwares and applications available where you can purchase audiobook and listen to it wherever and whenever you want. Surprisingly people prefer it more. My husband has purchased so many audiobooks of the novels and books he likes. He listens to it while driving to work or while coming back home. Since he doesn't have enough time to read but this way he is able to read it while not reading it physically.  
  
Another interesting thing is that you can watch television shows or movies based on the novels. These days people are so busy that they don't get time to read or to listen the novel. Therefore, they prefer watching movies over reading the book. They get to know the story as well as it serves as a break from monotonous daily routine. If we talk about the kids, they also like to watch cartoons and animated movies over reading books. I remember when I was a kid, I used to eagerly wait for my mother as we would read bedtime stories together. But now a days the trend has even changed in kids. They also prefer sight and sound media over reading books. Kids also find playing play stations and video games over going to park and playing with other kids. Video game due to its visual appeal keeps the interest of the kids intact in it.  
  
One can also watch or listen news on radio and television in lieu of reading the newspaper. The general trend has changed and it is for a betterment. We can enjoy our cultural shows, sports, serials as well on televisions. People who can't read but know spoken language are also benefited from the televisions. They can also stay up to date.  
  
Due to busy and hectic life of people now a days, printed words that holded utmost importance in earlier times are now losing it's importance. With so much advancement in technology, reading is losing it's importance and is getting diverted to sight and sound media.
Kaur, while you have written a prompt responsive essay this time, you made a glaring error in the grammar range and accuracy portion of the test. You failed to capitalize the words Kindle and Ipad in your essay. Since these are proper nouns. as they are the titular name of objects, you must capitalize them. These are titular names because the item carries the same brand name as the description of the item. Therefore, the capitalization rules apply. Always be conscious of the commonly known rules regarding grammar. These are the capitalization rules, punctuation guidelines, and pronoun usage. Once you use those 3 properly throughout your essay, you will increase your chances of improving your overall test score as well.
***Hi Kaur**, I have read your writing closely. I will offer a few correction for finalizing your writing.  
  
When you wanna start the writing, you should give an introduction at the beginning paragraph. There you directly show position in that matter. To make it more structural, you can paraphrase the statement given. After that, you include your position clearly between 2 views.  
  
Turning to your body paragraph, you explained widely although the prompt asks you to review why you agree or disagree about the opinion states that reading has become less significant for American people. This sentences below you said that readers tend to read through the kind od smartphone.  
  
People prefer reading on kindle, i pad, phone or laptops rather than reading books and newspapers  
Besides that, your flow is not good. When you want to move another topic, you immediately move without a linking word so that readers can be confused about your logic flow. Following this, you pay attention to spelling because there are a few misspelling. That matter can also reduce your score.  
  
he doesn't have enough  
they don't get time to read  
now losing it's importance  
Avoid using a contraction in the formal writing.  
  
I have found some statement repetitive. Your idea in the second paragraph is repeated in the next paragraph. You might use the different word to describe, but readers can know that both of that ideas are the same meaning. I really believe you can explore your idea deeply about this view. Following that, it is better you marge your the second and third paragraph to simple your review. Readers can also become bored if your writing is so long, but you explain the opinion repetitively.On the other hand, to finalize your writing, you are supposed to write a conclusion telling again about your perspective. That can strengthen your previous explanations.  
  
The key to master this skill is practicing more and more  
GOOD LUCK*
Here are my practice on IELTS task one writing.  
Hope you guys could give me a little help on it.  
  
**The map below is of the town of Garlsdon. A new supermarket (S) is planned for the town. The map shows two possible sites for the supermarket.  
  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
## the new shopping place for Garlsdon citizens

  
  
Answer:  
  
This figure illustrates the constructure of the town of Garlsdon in which the amount of people is 65000 and there are two main roads and a railway.  
  
As we can see, there are two supermarket in the town. The town is composed by 4 different region, countryside, housing, industry, and the town centre from outside to inside order.  
  
Looking at closely, there is one supermarket in the countryside which is the boarder of the two. The other supermarket is in the center of the town surrounded by the industry region. Finally, the housing parts are between the industry region and countryside.  
  
There are three town nearby, Hidon, Bransdon, and Cransdon. Hidon is 12 km far from Garlsdon in the west-norht. The town of Bransdon is 16 km far from Garlsdon in the west-south. In the end, ransdon is 25 km away from here in the west-north.  
  
*   
*The map*
Ho, the results of this essay could be no higher than a 3 for you. There are simply too much left over information in the map that you failed to represent in the essay. This map clearly required an analysis of how the creation of a second supermarket would benefit the community. That is why there was information related to the number of kilometers it would take for the residents of each town to get to each supermarket. While you did present the information about the road kilometers in the essay, you failed to analyze it properly in reference to the actual meaning of the drawings. Therefore, you only represented the information as it appeared in the illustration. The lack of analysis and further development of the presented information on your part held back the possible high score that you could have gotten for this essay.  
  
Each part of the essay should have been mentioned in relation to the number of residents, the distance of the first supermarket from each town, and an analysis as to whether or not the creation of a second supermarket would have been beneficial to the residents of the towns indicated. Keep in mind that the second supermarket is still being planned. In your essay, you make it sound as if the supermarket is already in existence. So you misunderstood the instructions, as well as the map illustrations.
@MH\_tw  
  
Dear Deng, other than you miss many information from the figure, your words is only 146 though.  
I think it will lower your score more. Pay attention on it next time.  
  
You can practice in the "real answer sheet" and count how many words usually you wrote in one line.  
It will help you at the real test, just by counting the line.  
  
Keep it up!
## energy from Carbohydrates

  
  
I would like some help on advice on the writing, language and give some suggestions for improvement and paraphrasing a bit more on the introduction of a literature review on effect of pre-exercise carbohydrate feeding on endurance performance.  
  
Here is the introduction:  
  
Carbohydrates are one of the main fuel sources of energy. Carbohydrates are made of carbon, hydrogen and oxygen molecules part of the hydroxyl group. Carbohydrates can be classified as monosaccharides: glucose and fructose, disaccharides: sucrose and polysaccharides. Energy is required for muscle contraction and ATP is the molecule that enables muscle contraction (Baker et al, 2010). Carbohydrates are the best use of ergogenic aid by athletes when reported by carbohydrate reserves (Cemark & Loon, 2013; Pochmuller et al, 2016). Carbohydrates are important in metabolism ...... Research has clarified that carbohydrate ingestion before exercise can improve exercise performance and delay fatigue.  
  
Studies from Cemark & Loon (2013) and Temaris et al (2011) reported that carbohydrate ingestion during exercise focused on pre-exercise feeding on a few hours before endurance exercise. kerebeth (2010) & Jeukendrup & Keller (2010) limited their focus on short duration >10 mins, high intensity exercise activities- muscle glycogen depletion will not be limiting during exercise (Burke et al, 2011) lasting longer than 60 mins.  
  
Feeding carbohydrates before 30 minutes result in improved high-intensity exercise compared with feeding 2 hours before exercise that size reflect pre-exercise glucose synthesis.  
  
Review focuses in background on carbohydrate feeding on performance, pre exercise carbohydrate feeding, previous literature on carbohydrate feedings at timings of 30 mins, 1 hr and 2 hours. Possibly explore the oral carbohydrate sensing will be discussed.
Hello! I recommend that you use more pronouns like "they" and "it" (to make the essay more concise) because the word carbohydrates is repeated a lot at the beginning of consecutive sentences. Another example is this sentence:  
  
Energy is required for muscle contraction and ATP is ...  
It sounds kind of redundant because of how muscle contraction is repeated. Maybe change it to "Energy is required for muscle contraction which is enabled by ATP"  
  
Hope this helps :D
Amanda, make the second paragraph the first paragraph instead. The actual topic paragraph is located in the second paragraph. So that should be the opening statement of this literature review. If you reverse the positions of the current first and second paragraphs, you will create a stronger review. Another option to improve this review is if you totally remove the first paragraph from the presentation.  
  
You don't have to define what makes up carbohydrates because the readers of the article are more than familiar with the components that create it. Focus instead on the effects of Carbohydrates on exercise performance. If you use just paragraphs 2,3, and 4, the literature overview becomes more interesting. Just expand upon the information in the short paragraphs in relation to your understanding of the overview in order to create a more concise literature review.  
  
Right now, paragraphs 3 and 4 falls short in terms of delivering on information from the original article. Try to find more relevant information in the original article to include in the literature review. I have not read the original source but it seems to me that there is still more information to be taken from the original work for presentation in the literature overview. The more information you present, the less redundancies and need for paraphrasing you will have.  
  
Unfortunately, what you are asking us to do for you is the partial research content for your paper. Which is not what we do here. As you can see, we have already offered you advice as to how you can best reformat the paper to suit your needs. That is what we do. We offer advice and guidance. We do not offer topic sentences to complete your work or any other area of writing that serves to make us do the work for you. We are not a writing service. If that is the service that you need then you are at the wrong place / forum. We are here to help you make your writing better and we do it for free. That means you still do the legwork in terms of research and actual writing. We merely help you improve what you have already done or correct any mistakes you made.  
  
So as far as your topical sentences and the rest of your essay goes, you have to do that yourself because you are the only one who knows the background of your research, its related information, and the ultimate outcome of your research. As such, you should not find it difficult to deliver personally on the topical sentences because this is all part of the preliminary research that you did when you chose this literature to review.
## Moving out means losing friends?

  
  
Based on their personal beliefs, some people might say that we should not move to a new city or country because we will lose our old friendships. However, I strongly believe that if you move to a new city, you can maintain your friendships and make them stronger. Let me explain why.  
  
Firstly, living away from your friends is a great opportunity for your friendships to grow. We can think about the relationship sincerely when we are apart from each other. Often, distance makes the heart grow fonder. For example, when I stayed with my girlfriend in Vancouver, I used to happily recall the good times that I spent with my old friends from middle school and high school. My friends also experienced the same thing. So, we tried to talk and care for each other more often.  
  
Secondly, distance can help a relationship grow stronger. This is because there are a lot of things that we can share with each other, such as politics and culture. If we stay in one city our entire life, we may not have anything fun or interesting to share. Also, we can inform each other about current events. For example, if one of my friends is curious about the reaction regarding the prime minister of Canada, then, I can accurately inform them right away. So it's more beneficial for us. According to the study conducted by Harvard University, the more people who move to another city or country, the more their relationships with old friends become stronger.It reveals that distance is not an important factor to maintain or make our friendships stronger.  
  
In conclusion, moving to a new city or country allows us to not only maintain our old friendships, but also gives us the opportunity to deepen our relationships by making our friendships stronger.
Asol, please make sure that you post the complete prompt for your TOEFL practice test for our reference. Do not use the prompt as a title for your essay. Repeated violations of the title rule will result in your account suspension. Anyway, I believe that this is an agree or disagree essay so I will score it accordingly. If you wish to, you may also post the complete prompt people for scoring adjustments if any.  
  
In all honesty, you could have scored a 5 on this essay had you not missed one very important point in the development of your opening statement. Your prompt restatement because inaccurate because you were unable to declare your disagreement with the statement provided at the start of the prompt. That is important because your essay discussion will be based upon the opinion that you started at the essay. Since the prompt restatement was incomplete, I had to deduct points for it. The overall essay is well developed though and allows for an understandable discussion of the prompt requirement. You used ample examples to support your stance and really made a very strong series of points that enlightened the reviewer towards your point of view. The score I was forced to give your essay is a 4 instead. Sorry about that. Points really had to be deducted as I explained earlier.
The full prompt for the essay dictates that you either agree or disagree with the statement provided. Therefore, you have to consider which side of the statement you believe to be true and choose to discuss that. Keep in mind that you need to be able to provide examples or reasons that are valid for your decision to either agree or disagree so pick the side that you can best discuss. There is no need to add an opposing point of view in the discussion because that is not required by the prompt instructions. Just provide the information being asked for. Do not add information that is not required because that will result in points deduction for you. The TOEFL test is very specific when it comes to its requirements and the points deductions are massive in the end so one simple mistake in the presentation of information, such as presenting information not required, could have unexpected consequences for your final score.
**The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people.**  
  
## the prestige of fame

  
  
Some people argue that the opinions of celebrities are more important to younger people than there are to older people. this is because they tend to follow celebrities. Others assert that is not true because affect of opinions of celebrities are equal to young people and older people because they are both independent existences to judge. However, I think opinions of celebrities are more important to younger people who haven't decided their major and haven't enough knowledge to criticize celebrities's opinion. Let me explain in details.  
  
First, the opinions of celebrities can affect to young people who haven't decide their major. This is because their appearance and opinion are really powerful specifically to young people. For example, when I was a high school student at the time many celebrities mentioned how cook is so cool job and how amazing job it is. Also, a lot of them acclaim the cooks who made fabulous dishes in a Television. So, I decided to major in cooking asian food and in hindsight, the reason that I chose was the affect of the opinions of celebrities.  
  
Second, young people aren't enough to able to criticize opinions of celebrities. They tend to believe and follow socially renowned and familiar celebrities. A study was conducted by Tim Rath, the professor, Harvard Social Psychology Behavior Department to understand why many young people follow celebrities than others. The result says that more than 70percentage of the subject who are teenagers follow celebrities. This is because they have a tendency to believe the people they all know. Also, They rely on the people who are familiar like celebrities. These play a vital role for young people to trust mentions of renowned people.  
  
In conclusion, affects of opinions of celebrities are powerful for young people who haven't decided their major and haven't enough background to criticize.