dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## it is not necessary to eat meat to be healthy

  
  
*Everyone should follow a vegetarianism diet because it is not necessary to eat meat to be healthy.  
Do you agree or disagree?*  
  
Vegetarianism has been praised by social media as a must-do for everyone. They claim that such a diet can provide sufficient nutrients for the body. However, I am more convinced of the opposite site and this essay will explain why.  
  
For a start, vegetarianism is considered to be unnatural. Archaeological evidence shows that eating meat is essential for human revolution for 2.3 million years. Since we are proved to be superior in the natural food chain, it would be illogical if we were restricted to being herbivores.  
  
Secondly, a meat-free diet does not provide sufficient nutrients for human, In a 2003 study published by American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, the ratio of vegetarian people suffering from vitamin B12 deficiency is 2 in 3, while that of meat eaters is 1 in 20. On top of that, vegetarians are shown to have a higher chance of anxiety and depression.  
  
Thirdly, vegetarianism is less practical in the regions where fresh plants are hard to grow or purchase. For example, in tundra regions, the tree growth is hindered by low temperature and short growing seasons, so it would be less likely for people there to survive on vegetarian diets. Moreover, the practice of abstaining from meat requires alternative sources of nutrients and developed nutrition science, which is less practical for those from developing countries.  
  
In conclusion, the claim of a healthy vegetarian diet is still far from reality and the choice of food should remain as fundamental liberty of humans.  
  
*   
*vegetarianism*
Don't you have to give references when you start using such facts and figures. I was under the impression that ILETS writing was based on life experience and knowledge not on facts and figures.  
  
Secondly, a meat-free diet does not provide sufficient nutrients for human, In a 2003 study published by American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, the ratio of vegetarian people suffering from vitamin B12 deficiency is 2 in 3, while that of meat eaters is 1 in 20. On top of that, vegetarians are shown to have a higher chance of anxiety and depression.  
  
This paragraph looks like it is been referred to someone else research
Nguyen, I have to point out the main problem with your work. You spent a tremendous amount of time researching the prompt information before you wrote the essay. The Task 2 essay only requires a personal knowledge or interpretation of the discussion as there is no time to research, nor will there be access to research information during the actual pen and paper test. As such, this essay is not a conclusive representation of your ability to write a topic centered essay, based on personal information, within a 40 minute period. That is why I cannot begin to review this essay, nor can I point out mistakes in your presentation. This is not the sort of Task 2 essay that can be done in an actual test center. Please write another essay, based on actual test center conditions (40 minute timer, personal knowledge or information only) to receive a proper review of your actual essay writing abilities in reference to Task 2 requirements.
## the power of will

  
  
*'Failure is proof that the desire wasn't strong enough'  
To what extent do you agree with this statement?  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  
You should write at least 250 words.*  
  
Most people spend their lives trying to achieve things, even when they are claiming the opposite. From getting high grades, impressing people, looking cool and unbothered, to getting a good job, we consciously or subconsciously put in some efforts to get or be what we want. Some believe that there is a strong correlation between the effort one dedicates to an objective and the outcome, and that failure to do something is the evidence of a person's lack of desire. Considering the essence of failure, I completely disagree with this opinion.  
  
First and foremost, as romanticized as it is, the power of will is not so universal that it can produce success despite all other factors. For tasks that are self-manageable, such as being nicer to other people, becoming more honest, or just adopting a more positive view in life, a person's desire to overcome a challenge can be the most significance component in deciding the outcome. However, most other ordeals involves numerous variables: supporters, opponents, finances, time, available resources, luck, et cetera. As we are just human beings, we cannot expect to control all of these component with our desire. For example, a swimmer, however desperately want a gold medal in the Olympics, is unlikely to achieve it after a traffic accident that leaves them with two limbs left. The best they can do is to participate in the Paralympics, as modern science cannot provide prothestic limbs that are efficient and fair for sports yet. To blame the athlete for "not wanting enough" in this case would be inconsiderate.  
  
Furthermore, failure is subjective and temporary. If a person really strive to achieve what they want, losing a few times along the way is normal, and not reflective of their powerful will. Failures are also what we make of them - an optimist may consider himself lucky and successful in an outcome, but a pessimist may believe the complete opposite. For example, Megadeth, one of the most successful metal bands that the world has witnessed, was founded by a guitarist who had been kicked off his previous band just at the doorstep of stardom. He worked day and night for his new band, which sold more than 120 million records a decade later. While it might be common sense to consider this guitarist a successful artist, at the end of his life he still pitifully looked at himself as a failure, as the band that kicked him out became Metallica, which sold 500 million records. A failure is not inherently a failure in itself, but rather something open to intepretation.  
  
To conclude, to attribute failure and success to mere desire would be a great mistake. While we cannot be successful in everything just through willpower, we still have the power of stop blaming, carrying on, and deciding the next step. The ultimate thing of significance is one's perspective.  
  
Thank you for your feedback!
Hi Hangtan, wow I really enjoyed reading your essay, and not just because I agree with it - ha! I heard the same Megadeath/Metallica anecdote on a podcast - I think it was Hidden Brain? Anyway, although your essay was amazing, I have a few comments. First, this essay is extremely long. I seriously doubt you could write an essay with this many words in the 40 minutes allotted and under IELTS test conditions. It is best to always write using a timer so you can mimic as closely as possible the conditions you will be writing under during the actual test. Second, please see my comment below about using "their" and "them" as singular pronouns. Soon this will be standard, but I am not sure we are there yet. By the way, did you know that 400 years ago "you" made the switch from being a plural only pronoun to one used both for the plural and singular? Anyway, here are a few other comments and suggestions:  
  
Most people spend their lives [focusing on achievements], even ... {I suggest avoiding using "things" in IELTS essays - it is often vague and sounds like you could not come up with a more suitable word}  
  
... Some believe that there is a strong correlation between ... {this statement seems very true, perhaps obvious, but does not reflect the prompt, which implies that failure is **only** dependent on will - you do state this in the next part of your sentence, but this first half might be misleading} and that failure to do something is the evidence of a person's lack of desire.  
  
... to control all of these [components] with our desire.  
  
... however desperately [wanting] {or "... desperately she wants a ..."} a gold medal.. a accident that leaves...{"leaves them missing two limbs" seems better here to me} {I have no problem with using "them" as a singular object as you have done. It seems like the best solution to me and I predict it will soon be standard. Still, it is not really standard yet and some IELTS graders may frown upon its use. It might be safer to stick with he or she or change the whole sentence to be plural}  
  
... as modern science cannot [yet] {I think the yet sounds better placed here} provide prothestic limbs that are efficient and fair for sports ~~yet~~. To blame the athlete for "not wanting enough" {I think most coaches would say "not wanting it enough"} in this case would be inconsiderate.  
  
... If a person really [strives] to achieve ...  
  
... and not reflective of their [weak] will. ... we make of them - an optimist ... {I would avoid using dashes in formal essays - stick to commas. Dashes in comments are fine though ;P }  
  
... the power [to] stop blaming [and] carrying on, and [instead decide our] next step. The ultimate[benchmark] of significance is ...
Great esaay Hangtan! I just have a few things to add:  
- Try to vary your sentence structures more. In the first 2 paragraphs, I'm only seeing long and longer-than-long sentences. While they may appear advanced, they can also bore the reader.  
  
- Find more synonyms for the keywords in your essay. For example: failure - loss - setback etc. Especially in the third paragraph.  
  
Oh and the guitarist you wrote about is Dave Mustaine! You can also read about Pete Best. He got kicked out of The Beatles, but his story ended better than Mustaine.
## Funds for the transport area

  
  
Whether national budget should go to railway or road construction when it comes to what determines a civilized society is an issue of broad interest. Along with different benefits of building roads, advantages of constructing railways are undeniable.  
  
On the one hand, state authorities should give financial support to roads contributing for several reasons. Firstly, it is believed that people could travel conveniently on roads. Particularly, road users could not only commute independently but also control the vehicles by themselves. In addition, roads are argued to be the national symbol of any country. In fact, when tourists come to foreign nations, it is easily to evaluate the host countries through their road system at the first side. Thus, roads need to be invested more by the governments.  
  
On the other hand, it is claimed that the funds should be allocated to railway system. In fact, railways are said to be more reasonable for the public than roads. For instance, car owners must pay large amounts of money on tax, fuel or car insurance, while train passengers only need to buy a ticket without any worries. Furthermore, public transport seems to be an environmental investment. This means it neither results in air pollution nor fuel consumption as much as private vehicles. Besides, traveling by trains is undoubtedly safer than commuting on roads thanks to the strictly high-technology system.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that while the two systems both need the financial aid of governments, the expenditure should be spent more on railways for the sustainable development in the future.
If it is for IELTS writing test, I think you use "On the other hand" twice, which you could change to something else like : "meanwhile".  
  
I think you could also change "In fact, when tourists come to foreign nations, it is easily to evaluate the host countries through their road system at the first side" to In fact it is easy to evaluate the host countries through their road system at the first side when tourists come to foreign nations."  
  
The "easily" in this statements doesn't feel right. It should change to "easier" or "easy".
Hanh, if I am not mistaken, the prompt you are responding to for this Task 2 essay is an "extent of agreement or disagreement" essay. As such, I can safely say that you did not respond to the essay properly. The prompt is asking you:  
  
*To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?*  
  
To which you responded:  
  
*benefits of building roads, advantages of constructing railways are undeniable.*  
  
This being the normal prompt for this topic, I hate to say this but, you actually would not get a passing score with this essay because you did not accurately respond to the discussion requirements. This is a measured single opinion essay which you discussed as a comparative essay instead. Your writing runs counter to the discussion instructions, which means you will get an automatic failing score for the TA section. As such, there is no possibility that you can pass the test because you showed a lack of English comprehension skills in relation to academic writing.  
  
I am judging your work based on previous experiences that I have had with this prompt. If you are responding to a different prompt then you should have included it with your posting. I can only advice you properly if you provide me with the review instructions for your paper. That is represented by the original prompt requirements as provided to you. Give us a copy of the discussion you will be writing about with your next essay should you decide to post it here. That way you can get relevant advice for your work.
Le, I am not going to give you a score for this essay because it is your first time writing such an exercise. As such, I expect to see only problems with your work that need to be addressed. There are several issues with your manner of writing that tell me exactly that.  
  
The first problem with your essay is that you created a redundant paraphrase. Both your first and second paragraphs respond to the questions provided in different ways. You only need to properly paraphrase the essay once. The next paragraph must already be a reasoning paragraph. In addition to that, the essay directly asks you to outline the reasoning statement your will be making in the later part of the essay by clearly stating, not implying, what alternative punishments teachers and parents should implement. So you should be indicating at least 2 alternatives in the prompt paraphrase and response. That will be one alternative for teachers, one for parents. That will bring the reasoning paragraphs to a total of 3 paragraphs composed of:  
  
1. An explanation of your partial agreement/disagreement  
2. Alternative for teachers  
3. alternative for parents.  
  
You have written too many words for this essay. You cannot handwrite this length during the actual test. Make sure to write at least 25 lines at the most to meet the minimum word requirement. That is 250 words within 25 lines, mo more than 300 words at 30 lines. Then you will have time to edit your paper and create a well discussed response presentation.
## one universal language for the mankind

  
  
*Topic: Scientists say that in the future humanity will speak the same language. Do you think this is a positive or negative social development?  
With the tremendous pace of globalization, it is expected that a universal language would be used as a means of communication. While the trend has advantages, I strongly believe that it would be seriously detrimental to humans being.*  
  
On the one hand, emergence of a global language brings benefits in terms of educational perspective. Universal language facilitates the exposure to knowledge constructed many countries in the world without barriers. In Vietnam, for example people could effortlessly broaden their horizon from technological advancements of developed nation like the United States through books and television because these information sources are used the same language. Furthermore, the phenomenon also accelerates the economic growth. In industrialization's era, a host of grant groups maximize their profit by carrying out trade strategies and expand investment in over the world. When people are beyond the language boundaries, it is easier for partnership to collaborate and exchange contracts and therefore increases their productivity for both host nations and foreign investors.  
  
On the other hand, the adoption of universal language inevitably triggers many serious problems. Firstly, language assimilation leads to the extinction of minority ones and trivialization of cultural identities which are attached to it. Dialect for instance, is a popular means of communication of some communities which symbolize origins and valuable traditional customs and the values were formed and developed over thousands of decade ago. If the language lost away, it is inevitable that the beauty of ancient culture would be faded into obscurity. In fact, the disappearance of indigenous languages affects adversely cultural diversity. Furthermore, historical values also put at stake as a consequence of this trend. It is clear that many written documentaries which recorded victories in the past only are preserved in museums instead of using as information to educate patriotism due to the fact later generations have not relevant knowledge of country's language.  
  
In conclusion, although a universal language has several benefits, the drawbacks are far more significant.
Tran, you cannot say "thousand of decade ago". A decade is equal to 10 years, which is a singular form of the word as it represents 1 decade. When you say "thousands" you are referring to the plural form of decade so it should be written as "thousands of decades..." with an S to signify the plural form of the word. This is a noun phrase disagreement that you should be conscious of.  
  
By the way, you wrote too many words. You cannot handwrite 322 words within 40 minutes during the test. It cannot be done. You can only write between 250-275 words, leaving some minutes for the editing of your work. If you write 300 or more, you will not be able to edit your paper before submitting it and the errors you made will remain and be considered when scoring your paper. You need to write only the right number of words so that you can present a proof read paper at the very least.  
  
This is also a single opinion, not a comparison paper. By asking you; *"Do you think this is a positive or negative social development?"*, the discussion indicates that you are to choose one side of the discussion to support in your reasoning paragraphs using at least 2 supporting reasons/examples. Your essay is doing a comparison format discussion which runs counter to your indicated opinion of; *"I strongly believe that it would be seriously detrimental to humans being."* Therefore the essay will only be scored for the discussion that falls under the proper TA response that you presented in your paraphrase.  
  
Your concluding sentence is unacceptable. That has to be in the form of a reverse paraphrase. It must indicate the topic for discussion, your opinion, supporting reasons, and a closing sentence. It must be composed of at least 3 sentences to be considered a complete paragraph. This is the same mistake that you made with your original prompt paraphrase so that it also fell under the minimum sentence requirement.
## helping hand to students from a low-income families

  
  
It is a fact that students who come from low-income families and remote areas find some difficulties to enter to higher education. Many people believe that it is high time for universities to take action to help these students. In my opinion, I totally agree with this idea to some extent.  
  
First of all, higher education posses a tough situation on rural students. The main reason for that is the low quality of lower education such as high school and secondary school. In some areas, teachers are people who graduated from some local schools without any special valuable training. As the result, rural students do not gain enough knowledge to compete other pupils when they participate in the registration test for entering university . In some case, thier families could not afford the university's fees and expenses due to poor financial condition. Since the shortage of financial resources, many people have to give up study and start working after graduating high school.  
  
Secondly, there are some reasons that university should open a chance for poor and rural students. the first explanation is the equality for all people who have desire for learning. For example, people who lack of financial condition might be subsidized by some scholarships while those suffered low- quality education might be plus 1 or 2 grade on thier entrance tests. As a result, these actions of university would encourage traditional fondness of learning.moreover,it is proven that succesful oppotunities in career of individuals who followed tertiary education is incredibly higher than those who did not. These intelecture workers could invaluably help their country to gain a competitive edge over other countries.  
  
In conclusion, because of some difficulties that student's from low background economy and remote areas have to be suffered, i am of the the idea that some easier pathways for these students should be established by university
Lien, please remember to time yourself during the pencil practice test. Always allot at least 10 minutes of editing time towards the end to polish and perfect your essay presentation. This current version is over 300 words, which is unrealistic when you consider the amount of time allotted to complete this test. Do not write more than 275 words if you want to be sure that you can properly edit and revise your essay. Why am I focusing on this in relation to your work? Well, you have writing mistakes that, as far as I can tell, could have been avoided or corrected if you had allotted editing time to your work prior to submission. Your mistakes mostly affect your LR and GRA scores in this essay. Since you did not share the actual discussion topic and instruction (prompt) with us, I cannot comment on the appropriateness of your response and its presentation format. Please provide complete discussion instructions next time you post here to receive a more comprehensive review of your work.
## TV is not worth devoting kids' time

  
  
Undoubtedly, watching TV is a recreational activity that almost everyone loves, especially children nowadays. However, I believe that it is such a waste of time for children to watch TV because of some reasons below. First of all, it's not good for our health. It is one of the main causes leads to obesity and eye-sightedness. Second, watching TV doesn't bring much benefits. I agree that a lot of channels or programmes are highly educational but the great number of children prefer something funny, entertaining or relating to fighting. Moreover, there might appear violence and hot scenes, which are very harmful for their mind and not realistic. Last but not least, instead of spending all the time looking at the TV screen, children can do loads of things useful for their future. For a clear example, they should join outdoor activities and go outside to discover the real world, communicate with people to gain social skills. All in all, parents shouldn't let their children watch TV too much because it's not worth devoting time.