dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Art classes should be compulsory in high school. Do you agree or disagree?

  
  
In my opinion, I totally agree with the statement that arts should be compulsory at school. There are two main reasons why I believe that arts are very useful in not only school but also daily life.  
  
First of all, studying arts at school can help children to enhance their imagination and creativity. When children learn arts, they are free to express their own perspectives and interpretation of their own lives. This will help them think more flexibly and creatively. Additionally, due to the daily observation of objects during drawing, the child's brain will be boosted by the ability to observe and enhance memory, thereby nurturing the imagination.  
  
Secondly, stress reduction is also a reason why arts should be made compulsory at school. Decades of studies have suggested that learning arts can help learners to be more relaxed. Moreover, art also helps children more in love with life when they see life through the eyes of the artist and let their souls into the painting.  
  
Thirdly, arts make our life more vivid. Learning arts can make our life more vibrant. When learning arts, we can gain new friends and relationships. And if you are a bit talented in art, you will be admired by a lot of people. Finishing a portrait or a landscape and use it as furniture in your house can make your life more light and full of spirit.  
  
In summary, I think that arts should be introduced as a compulsory subject at school
There are two main reasons why I believe that arts are very useful in not only school but also daily life.  
The formatting of this sentence should have been divided into 2. Rather than saying there are 2 main reasons, present the reasons individually in a manner that provides an overview of the topics within the school and personal settings. Such a presentation would have added clarity and coherence to the succeeding paragraphs. That said, I must commend the writer for the creative prompt restatement.  
  
Do not go beyond 2 reasons.The prompt isa standard 4 paragraph presentation, with a 2 paragraph reasoning allotment. It is the entry of the 3rd reason, which could have been easily merged with the second paragraph that led to the under discussed second paragraph. Without this error ,the essay would have been in a better place for a higher score since the essay only has negligible errors.  
  
P.S. Aim for a 2 sentence conclusion as required next time.
Is it your IELTS WRITING practice? If this is for IELTS, I believe that you should write four paragraphs for a writing.  
For the first paragraph, to begin with, paraphrasing the question is needed. In this case, **ART CLASSES SHOULD BE COMPULSORY IN HIGH SCHOOL**, you can rewrite it: **"There are different views on whether subjects related to art should be taught compulsorily in high school."** And then, you can write like you has just done.  
  
**Finishing a portrait or a landscape and USING it as furniture in our house can brighten/ lighten our life, full of spirit.**  
Try not to use "YOU, YOUR" in an IELTS writing or Academic Writing (My professor said so)  
  
Actually, you used the phrase "help sb (to) do sth" many times but it is not a really good phrase.  
First of all, studying arts at school can help ...  
**Studying arts at school can be a great way to enhance...**  
art also helps children ... can be rewritten: **thanks to art, children become more in love with life**  
  
Those are my recommendation, I wish it would help.
## IELTS WRITING TASK 2: Topic - health

  
  
Topic: Scientists tell us some activities are good for health and others are bad. Despite knowing that millions of people continue doing unhealthy activities. What are the causes and what are the solutions?  
  
Answer:  
It is true that many people keep repeating bad habits despite the fact that these habits could be detrimental to their health. While there are various reasons for this, the government can solve this problem by adjusting the law and promoting healthy activities.  
  
The reasons why people adopt unhealthy habits are largely due to lack of time and the availability of technological devices. Firstly, the fast pace of modern life, which requires people to spend more time at work than in the past, sets a limit to the time spending on pleasurable activities. A prominent example of this argument is that many people these days have chosen fast food as a solution for their limited time in spite of all the health warnings from nutritionists. Secondly, technology is also attributed to the sedentary lifestyle of modern people. It is the convenience of digital entertainment such as video games or social networks that discourages people from engaging in outdoor activities.  
  
Sticking to these harmful habits for a long time would lead to health deterioration. It is, therefore, urgent that the government take action to tackle this problem in the first place. The simplest measure is to impose heavy tax on unhealthy products including fast food, alcohol and tobacco whilst lifting that of organic food to encourage healthy eating patterns. Apart from that, the government can encourage citizens to get more exercise by placing sports facilities in populated areas or co-operate with educational institutions and organizations to hold more physical activities.  
  
In conclusion, unhealthy activities are attributable to the lack of time and the utility of electrical gadgets. It rests with the government to remedy the problem.
While there are various reasons for this, the government can solve this problem by adjusting the law and promoting healthy activities.  
Provide direct reasons. These reasons will help give your solution topic credibility in relation to the opinion response requirements.  
  
Despite knowing that millions of people continue doing unhealthy activities.  
The paraphrase of this reference is missing in the restatement. Always review your work for complete restatement content. Any missing reference will alter the original focus. Your essay is guilty of this alteration.  
  
for their limited time  
In relation to what activity? Complete the sentence reference to clearly connect to the mutationist reference at the end.  
  
alcohol and tobacco  
This was not referred to in the earlier discussion so do not mention it here. These references lessen the cohesiveness between paragraphs.  
  
to hold more physical activities  
How does this relate to the videogame problem? It does not. The solutions must always relate to the causes or problems in the previous paragraph for coherence purposes.
***The best way to ensure the growth of children is to make parents take parenting courses.***  
## Do you agree or disagree?

  
  
Some people argue that undertaking parental courses is the most effective way to promote children's growth. From my perspective, I entirely agree with that point of view for many reasons.  
  
On the one hand, many parents now still depend on their instinct to nurture their children. However, that approach, in most cases, is counterproductive. One of the most notable examples is that many children are forced to materialize their parent's dreams but not theirs. As a result, they gradually lose incentives in life and are more likely to develop mental diseases, especially depression. Inevitably, their academic performance and social life will be severely affected.  
  
On the other hand, with support from parental courses, both parents and children gain significant benefits. One notable outcome is that the gap between parents and their children becomes more tightened. With knowledge equipped from those programs, parents could have a clearer understanding of their children's thoughts. In this way, parents could deal with conflicts between two sides radically, especially the obedient ones. Furthermore, because teenagers may feel isolated from peers and the community due to their distinctive dreams and characteristics, encouragement from parents could give them the inner support to overcome such pressures, thereby reinforcing trust and mental connection between the two sides. Fortunately, such skills are provided in the parental courses.  
  
In conclusion, with unparalleled benefits from parental courses for both children's development and the family's relation, there does exist no reason why I do not give them a favor.
I entirely agree  
Do not use an extent response when not required to do so. Learn to identify the expected response format and provide it as required. While the exaggerated response looks good, points will actually be lost due to improper formatting.  
  
On the one hand  
On the other hand  
Wrong reasoning format. The discussion does not ask for a comparative discussion format in the original prompt. Therefore, it should not be used in the reasoning paragraphs. Only opinion supporting reasons will be scored. So, when you said,  
  
many reasons  
, you are expected to present 2 reasons that support this claim.  
  
As an under explained opinion presentation, it will be difficult to say that it will get a passing score. With a less than minimum word count as the opposing view paragraph will not be considered, plus other scoring deductions , this essay has insurmountable scoring problems.
## **IELTS TASK 1****The chart shows the number of international students in the USA by subject and country**

  
*(I wrote only first chart so there is no information about subject)*  
  
The chart illustrates the amount of international students in the USA and from where they came during the period of four years.  
  
Overall, the amount of Indian students is the highest whereas the amount of students from Mexico, Turkey and Thailand and Indonesia is the lowest and have not experienced any changes.  
  
In 2000 USA saw large increase in the amount of students from India whidh overtook both Korean and Chinese students reaching 80.000 from 40.000 in four years. The figure for students from Japan and Taiwan declined with 10.000 less students in the end for both countries respectively.  
  
Other counties including Thailand, Mexico, Turkey and Indonesia stayed the same with the exception of students from Korea where it saw tangible rise from 40.000 to 52.000 approximately.  
  
*
This report cannot be properly reviewed. There are several reasons for this:  
- Insufficient word count at 127 out of 150  
- Improper report format. Ther comparison of charts are required for the presentation. The student cannot do a selective presentation. That is an automatic failing grade.  
  
- Improper summary presentation  
  
Basically. the writers because he opted not to follow the report presentation instructions has proven an inability to adhere to academic requirements. A major reason to fail the test. The foreign students in the UK and other English speaking countries are expected to follow directions as provided. Failure to do so in the language test means the student does not have the qualities they are looking for in potential students.
**Question:**  
## Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

  
***Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.***  
  
Most people believes that children should be given to free access,on their own will . Nevertheless I believe that television advertisement should be restricted and I have my own reasons for such notion.  
  
Firstly,young ones are very sensitive towards outer sphere.They can be easily influenced by their surroundings and in other hand,television advertisement provides appealing feature to the viewers despite the fact that ,many contents of them were not justified.Young children may imagine the fantasy of pictorial world into their real life .Let's take an example for further clarification.Children who saw ghost to killing the people may had severe mental impact in the brain of children.The fear of death can be deeply embedded in their mind,which is difficult to take it off even in their later life.  
  
Another reason for the restriction of the advertisement is due to the curiosity of the children.Every kids are very eager to know to every details in their early age and sometimes they even try by themselves which is more dangerous.For instance,children may learn improper language shown in the advertisement which is quite embrassing even for the parents.Recent findings of University of California has proved that ,many children learn around 60% of the words they spell from outer world than from family.Among of them,15% of the information they retrieved is from the television and 5% is from advertisement.  
  
There are many programs which recommend the parental guidance for the viewers to subside it's consequences to some extent. However,every parents are unable to look their children due to their busy schedule and some even ,allow to look such ad videos to get distracted from child as they are exhausted by naggy behavious of children. If the media authority do not censor the content and unable to discern the fact that,contents were generally for entertainment purposes than applying in real life,it will have haphazard impacts .Some researchers even claim that,excessive exposure of television to the children have two major results.One is ,it enable to visualise what television depicted .Another factor is very prime ,as it further states that early exposure of advertisement may lead towards the short term pleasure seeking activating the serotonin hormone in a faster rate .Consequently,it lasted for a longer time than we normally anticipates .  
  
Concluding,above argument must hold water as the reasons for restriction for the television advertisement is enough.
The writer provided a confusing paraphrase of the original topic. The paraphrase does not refer to advertising or the age range as the topic. The reader will be left confused and wondering about the personal opinion presented. This is a failing paraphrase as it leaves the reader stressed about the discussion focus.  
  
The writer does not have visible control over sentence structuring and word usage. The discussions are presented in a transliterated manner or a word for word translation of a vernacular sentence. This lack of proper English vocabulary and grammar skills negatively affected the Task Accuracy and C + c presentation of the discussion. There is no way this essay will geta passing mack.  
  
The student must focus on vocabulary building and simple sentence development excercises for the time being. He should not try to write essays at the moment. He is incapable of writing coherently at this time.
**Topic:  
*In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in.***  
## What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

  
  
My writing  
  
In several nations in the world, as people move around the countries as work's demand, people increasingly feel interested in discovering the history of the building or a house where they live.  
  
Nowadays, people tend to find more information about where they live because of some reason. For example, it might have a historical value that they want to understand more and feel proud of where they live. In Vietnam, some houses that used to be a base for the military's secret meetings in the war in 1954 and the tools, furniture, antiques are still kept until today in order to display for guests who feel interested in discovering. By contrast, people find information about the buildings or the apartments might be because of safety reasons or in rare cases because of spiritual belief. For instance, in America, there are some houses that used to have a crime like suicide or even worse like murder, people tend to feel scared and afraid to move in as they want to avoid any supernatural events that might occur in their houses in the near future. Another reason might be because of safety reasons such as the facilities in the old building like the pumps, the fire staircases, or fire alarm system.  
  
People who feel interested in discovering the history of the house can find information from several trustworthy sources. For example, they can look for the data from the real estate agencies which provide them the information about when did the houses were built, how many owners it has, or even how many times that the houses were rent or bought. Especially in America, there is a famous agency name Zillow, this one is providing this kind of information for all their clients. In addition, the internet is the easiest source to access for any kind of information or easier that they can just talk to their neighbors.  
  
To conclude, there are several reasons that people want to find data about where they live, it might be because of safety reasons or avoid the buildings which have a lot of rumors about the supernatural events. People can look for information on the internet, their neighbors, and real estate agencies, or even the community libraries.
The prompt restatement has deviated from the original topic, eason for the topic, and opinion statement. It has not properly related to the paraphrasing requirements and response format expectations. The essay has begun as a failing presentation in terms of task requirements. It will be difficult to achieve a passing score at this point.  
  
Nowadays, people tend to find more information about where they live because of some reason.  
Avoid constantly repeating the discussion topic. It should only be stated twice. Once in the paraphrase then again in the concluding summary.  
  
in order to display for guests  
Wrong discussion point. The essay speaks of a residence or place where people actually live ) not historic sites or museums. The writer has problems understanding the target topic. A clear failure of English comprehension skills. The essay will recieve an overall failing score due to this.
*Please help me better my writing by giving your feedbacks on my structure, grammar, vocabulary and idea. I will really appreciate it. Thank for reading!*  
  
***Some people say that the main environmentalproblem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say there are more important environmental problems.  
  
## Discuss both theses views and give your own opinion.

  
  
Write at least 250 words***  
  
Over the last several decades, human society has been experienced the most rapid development ever with the powerful hand of scientific and technological advancement. In spite of making people's life much more convenient and enjoyable, this, more dangerously, causes serious harm to our environmental health.  
  
Some people think that the main problem we are facing now is the loss of wide range of animals and plants, which is obviously explainable: the more the society grows, the more resources we need to satisfy our increasing demands. The global population has reached around 9 billion which is much more than that of the last century. As there are more people, we expand our territory further for both living and exploiting natural resources. As a result, the land we are using briskly overlap that of fauna and flora, which cause natural vegetation to disappear and all animals living in it to have no place to hide. If this continues to happen, those plants and animals may stand in the brink of extintion and in fact, many of them are.  
  
In addition, there are also numerous other environmental issues we need to be aware of such as plastic waste or air pollution, etc. The single-use consumerism is quickly becoming prevailing in the present time while people use a lot of disposable cups, straws, boxes for just one time, which day by day piles up in our ocean poisoning marine species. Furthermore, the birth of new affordable bikes, cars and other means of transportation put more of them on the road, which emits tons of released gas every year. Undoutedly, the air we are breathing is contanminated in a blink of an eye.  
  
In my point of view, there are lots of environmental problems including those above need to be concerned by both governments and public so that we can join hands and protect our living habitat, keep it safe and clean for our descendants.
The first paragraph should be composed of the prompt restatement and personal opinion. The writer does not present a proper paraphrasing of the 2 public opinions.In fact, the statement is not related to the 2 original topics at all. Neither does the writer provide an appropriate personal opinion as a response to the "give your own opinion" portion of the discussion instruction. The presentation has failed half the test at this point.  
  
Providing an explanation of the 2 public opinions is a must in this essay. The writer did not accomplish that writing instruction. The overall discussion approach is one that the writer created for himself. It does not adhere to the given discussion requirements. It cannot pass due to the obvious disregard for writing instructions. Is this evidence ofa lack of English comprehension skills in reference to the original instructions? It appears so. Will that be the cause of a failed score? Yes.
In the introduction, you havent presented either the task' issue or your own opinion. Moreover, there are also some grammatical errors as well as some spelling mistakes that I think you should revise after finishing your writing. Moreover, in the body paragraphs, you have already expressed thouroughly your view of supporting the first sentence of the task, which is good. However, you lacked the other side of issue that the task requires as well: "others say there are more important environmental problems.".  
  
That's my opinion. Maybe it is not that perfect but I hope it is useful to u
"Over the last several decades..."  
  
I think your introduction is not specific enough. You just give lots of background information without talking or comparing two opinions which are the loss of animals and other issues. You may figure it out by adding a thesis statement to specify the given question.  
  
"The global population ... As there are more ..."  
  
I think we can combine these two sentences above."Due to the increasing global population, reaching 9 billion, we have to expand our...natural resources."  
  
Another thing I want to share with you is that in academic writing, try not to use ETC, LOTS OF, A LOT OF because they are informal words/ phrases.
@Holt  
Thank you so much for your feedback!!  
Now I see my lack of prompt restatement and personal opinion as required in the Introduction part which is crucial. I will keep it in mind in my writing.  
  
In term of inappropriate approach to 2 given public opinions, I would love to hear from you on how to do it appropriately if possible.  
  
I really appreciate your comments.  
  
Best regards,  
  
@gianggiangvn  
  
Thank Giang for your precious comments, I acknowlege all the shortcomings in the Introduction, sentence connection and informal words now.  
I truly appreciate it! :))  
  
Thanks and best regards,  
  
Ranee  
  
@megazetz  
  
Thank @megazetz for poiting out those grammatical mistakes. I will pay more attention to them in my future writings.  
  
Thank a lot for your comments :))  
  
@tintiah  
  
Yes, I see those shortcomings in my writing, I try to will improve them.  
  
Thank you so much, I really appreciate your feedback :))  
  
@isamj  
  
Thank you, @isamj. It's great to hear your comment.  
I'm grateful for that :))