dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## barrels of oil produced

  
  
The bar chart illustrates the estimated amount of oil produced by 6 countries between 1990 and 2010, measured in million barrels per day.  
  
Looking at the chart, it is immediately obvious that oil production capacity exhibited an upward tendency in all nations. In addition, the figures for Saudi Arabia were considerably higher than any other countries, while the lowest production was recorded in Qatar.  
  
In 1990, there were more than 8 million barrels of oil in Saudi Arabia produced per day. By 2010, this figure dramatically increased to over 14 million barrels per day, an increase of 6 million during this 20-year period. In contrast, the smallest oil producer was Qatar. Although there was a slight rise in 2000, production in Qatar remained relatively stable less than 1 million barrels per day.  
  
At the beginning of the period, the amount of oil produced by Iran was 3 million barrels per day, compared with 2 million in 3 other countries. This figure then showed a steady rise before peaking at 4 million barrels per day in 2010. Similar tendencies were seen in the production of Iraq and Kuwait, which both registered nearly 4 million barrels per day. Although the production was stable in the UAE, from 1990 to 2000, the amount of oil then took a jump to almost 4 million barrels per day
I need to have my essay corrected :<  
Thank you a lot!  
  
## money for goods in some countries

  
  
The chart depicts the amount of money consumers use for six different items. The figures are taken in Germany, Italy, France and Britain.  
Looking at the graph, it is almost immediately obvious that British people spent significantly the largest amount of money on these six items, while German is reported to spend the least. Of the six categories, consumers paid the most money on photographic film.  
  
It is clear from the graph that Britain spent approximately 170 thousand pounds sterling on photographic film, which is the highest figure shown on the graph. Whereas, German paid the lowest amount of money, with roughly 150 thousand pounds sterling for all of the six items.  
  
It is also explicit that the money spent on toys were the same in both France and Italy. French people had the tendency to pay more for photographic film, toys and CDs than Italian. The Italian, on the other hand, pay more for personal stereos, tennis racquets and perfumes than the French. The sums of money France spent on tennis racquets and perfumes are nearly the same, at more or less than 150 thousand pounds.  
  
*   
*thats the question*
*The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem?*  
  
## eco-friendly world?

  
  
The increase of consumer goods has brought about a myriad of negative impacts on the natural environment. This essay will present the underlying cause and workable solutions to the problem.  
  
Obviously, there is no denying that overpopulation is the root of the problem. With over 7 billion people around the world, the demands for basic necessities like food, clothes and shelters have been on the inexorable rise. As a result, rainforests have been cleared, especially in developing countries, for industrial, residential and productive land. Factories, which emit harmful gases to the air and toxic wastes to water source, have been opened in every parts of the world to produce various kinds of food, drinks, clothes, etc. This has put unprecedented strains on our finely balanced ecosystem.  
  
In order to solve the problem, both government and individuals should take actions immediately. Firstly, government should put forward a stricter regulation to control the overpopulation issue. Secondly, individuals should adopt a more eco-friendly consumption habits. For example, people should buy biodegradable packaged products, support organic food or avoid overusing plastic bags. Another feasible action is that all industrial and domestic wastes like paper or glass should be sorted out and recycled. By taking all these actions, our living environment would become better and greener.  
  
In conclusion, overpopulation has created undesirable effects on the natural environment. It is the responsibility of both government and people living on the planet to protect it before it is too late.
Here you proposed overpopulation as the cause, but as I understand it, it is precisely the cause of increasing demand for consumer goods, rather than the cause the essay prompt is asking for. One can argue that even without the trend of overpopulation, increase of consumer goods will not be stopped because people's ever growing desire of a more comfortable, even luxury lifestyle, or other alternative prospects. Given the fact that the increase of consumer goods is a prerequisite, and so as the prompt indicates, you should think of optimizing the production procedures, strengthening regulations on pollution, or educating the public, etc. as ways to solve this problem.  
  
Actually, in the second half of your second paragraph, you did explain in what ways the increase of consumer goods damage the natural environment, thus I suggest you shift your focus to this part.
To, the task 2 essay should always have 5 paragraphs presented in it. The 5 paragraph presentation helps you to create highly developed discussions and relevant explanations in relation to the prompt that you have been provided to respond to. It is because you do not properly use the paragraph allotments that your presentation will be scored down in terms of C&C and GRA considerations.  
  
Take your opening statement. You only have 2 sentences in the presentation when the minimum sentence presentation is 3. The lack of sentence presentation means you did not accurately paraphrase the prompt nor provide the correct outline for the discussion. Here is a sample of a more properly presented opening paraphrase:  
  
*Consumer goods are being produced at an alarming rate these days. The overproduction of these items has resulted in problems with regards to our natural environment. While there are several causes of this problem, this essay will focus on the discussion of only one cause of the situation. A simple solution presentation will also be made towards the end of the essay.*  
  
You need to utilize the 5 sentence maximum per paragraph, without using run - on sentences so that you can present a myriad of simple and complex sentences throughout the essay. By increasing your score in the GRA section, you may also end up further increasing your score in the other sections.  
  
By the way, the 3 body paragraph presentation of your essay is severely under developed in discussion presentation. That is because you tried to discuss more than one topic per paragraph. If you had fully presented the reasons for the single problem in the 2nd paragraph, then presented a full explanation of the possible government solution in the third, then a thorough explanation of the individual solution in the 4th paragraph, the essay would have scored much better on the C&C scale.
## why US citizens wanted to travel in 2009?

  
  
The bar and pie chart illustrate information about why US citizens wanted to travel and what travel problems they experiences in the year 2009.  
It is noticeable that commuting to and from work was stood at the first position in the reasons that Americans travelled in 2009. In the same year, the primary concern on travelling public of them was cost of travelling.  
  
Looking at the bar chart in more detail, we can see that in 2009, 49% of the trips made by US residents were for the purpose of commuting, followed by other personal reasons with 19% and 16% for shopping. By contrast, the proportion of the reasons for Americans had trips were social/creation and visit friends/relatives with under 11% in the same year.  
  
In terms of the pie chart, it is clear to see that in 2009, people in US had the key consideration for the travelling cost with 36%. Besides,safety concerns and agressive drivers stood at the second position with the percentage nearly one in five of the whole main issues, which were as half as in the first ranking. Finally, a total of 14% of those surveyed thought that access to public transportation and space for pedestrians were the most important travel issues.  
  
*
Hai, the only problem that exists in this otherwise well developed essay is the sentence structuring. You have a tendency to use long sentences as well as run on sentences in your paragraphs. This limits your ability to properly create simple and complex sentences. It would be best if you avoided using long sentences and instead, present each idea as a stand alone sentence idea in an interconnected paragraph. By presenting stand alone sentences in the paragraph, you will manage to create the necessary presentation requirements to improve your GRA score.  
  
You have shown a good analytical ability. The work you did in presenting the straightforward elements of the essay is admirable. However, the presentation lacks a more analytical presentation to it. Perhaps, in the future, you can do a comparison of the information from the chart in graph to related information in the chart? Yes, I believe that will show that you did a deeper analysis and comparison assessment of the chart before you wrote the report summary. This will result in an increase in your TA and C&8C scoring considerations.
## Television advertising toward young children

  
  
**Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.**  
  
Television ads targeted at young children have become increasingly common over the last few decades. The main channel used is television. In my opinion, those aggressive marketing campaigns compromise the development of young people. They ought to be strictly regulated.  
  
First of all, between the aged two to five, the brain of young children is in rapid growth. Everyday a huge amount of brain cells are created. Their brains work as giant sponge that record unconsciously external information around them. Therefore young children are extremely sensitive and should not be exposed to whatever content.  
  
Furthermore at such a young age critical reasoning does not exist. There is no critical distance between what is seen and heard on the television. A child is very candid and something told on TV must be true. If "Red Bull gives you wing" and I drink a Red Bull I will be able to fly. It is basic common sense. There is no filter.  
  
In other words, by exposition children at a young age to aggressive marketing ads not only do we jeopardize their brain development but we also turn them into mindless consumers. Regulating specific marketing campaign toward the young is a first step but is by far not enough. Parents should keep their children away from marketing content altogether (not just the one specifically addressed to the young). As long as fruits and vegetables are not advertised toward young children we should be careful with that kind of marketing. Otherwise the consumption of junk food and soda is going to be deeply ingrained in their behaviour.  
  
To conclude, strict regulation of television ads toward the young is better than nothing. Nonetheless parents also have a part to play and should keep their child away from marketing content on the whole.
@Louvy  
It is very important to understand that "Academic essay means OBJECTIVITY". You must avoid expressing, intentionally or unintentionally, any personal feeling, in other word "SUBJECTIVITY". This will cause you get a low score regardless of your writing abilities.  
  
A typical academic essay is comprised of:  
  
1- Introduction: brief overview that give the reader the sense of the whole essay + thesis statement (the controlling idea of the essay).  
  
2- Paragraphs: topic statement (in your case, it should be one of the reasons) + supporting idea (a statement that emphasizes the topic statement) + examples. (each paragraph must consist of these components). Your paragraphs have topic statements and supporting ideas, but they lack of examples. Always make a list of examples for each reason (at least two) before you start writing, and remember you do not have to memorize or think deeply, just EXTEMPORIZE.  
  
3- Conclusion: It must summarize the whole essay; (restating the thesis and topic statements).  
sticking to the this structure with the objectivity on fulfilling the prompt will guarantee you a great score.  
  
All the best,
Louvy, the above advice doesn't really apply to your work if one considers the prompt requirements which does call for subjectivity in the presentation. This is not an academic essay per se. This is more of a test of your knowledge of the English language and how you can express yourself clearly in the language. This is not a research based academic paper. That is why the prompt is asking you to agree or disagree with the given statement using specific reasons and examples. In an English language test, using personal knowledge and experience gains you a higher score because it shows clear English comprehension skills / understanding of the instructions in a manner that adheres to the instructions you were provided. In this instance, you seem to have done academic research for your response, which is what will lower your score in the final consideration. There is no way you can research information for the essay prompt you will be provided in the actual test because the computer network is locked out of the internet. So the samples and reasoning need to come from the personal point of view.  
  
As for your grasp of the English language, I would say that you will be able to score well in the actual test, Probably above a mere passing score, based on the way you formed and presented the information in your essay. You have a good understanding of English vocabulary and these helped to propel your score to a mere than passing level. I look forward to reading your upcoming essays. I bet you will continue to show improvement with those work. There is very little to no correction required in this essay because you got your message across in every paragraph clearly. Good job!
*TOEFL Writing task  
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:  
Students are more influenced by their teachers than by their friends*  
  
## good teachers and friends as a treasure to cherish

  
  
It's true that a good teacher can benefit one's whole life. For instance, I can easily name several of my favorite teachers at middle school, those who drastically influenced my view toward the world and the meaning of life. However, when I asked the question, "What about my college teachers", my mind suddenly went blank. In fact, it is my friends in college that made up my most important memories of the more grown-up stage in life.  
  
Thus I believe that younger students are more likely to be influenced by their teachers than by friends, while senior students, in order words "young adults", tend to be more influenced by their friends.  
  
Teachers are in some way like an authority to young students, and pretty much an admirable one that students may value their approval so much. In the meantime, when disapproval is somehow emphasized, a student may feel deeply hurt. I have a middle school friend who was fat at that time but morbidly thin now, by keeping a diet never eating meat anymore. When we suggested her not to do so in such an extreme way and ask her the reason why, she recalled that our teacher even asked her to dress in boy's clothes because no dress we borrowed could fit her during our annual choir festival back at middle school, which badly hurt her feelings and made her wanted to lose weight desperately. Even though we all know that fat girls generally have pressure from many aspects, the one engraved in her mind was the reaction from our teacher.  
  
After admiration comes rebellion. Senior students at college who pass the adolescent rebellion period and form sort of independent personality will rely less on teacher's opinion, while opinions from the same generation begin to take control. Friends who sing well and encourage you to join in and have a try help you learn to sing and feel empowered, friends who express their understanding in an organized manner makes you want to have a deep discussion with him/her, and friends who have the same passion with you on a specific subject may even become your future business partner! Forget about the teachers!  
  
Though quite dramatic, I believe such change is in accordance with the natural process of individual development in personality. As for me, I personally value good teachers and good friends in my life both as treasures to cherish.
@Asphodel the discussion approach that you took to this essay prompt is wrong. You need to present a solid opinion based on one of the two points of view presented. Note that the prompt indicates that you must "disagree or agree" with the given topic. There is no middle of the road. In your essay, you refused to take a particular side. You wrote the essay without an actual opinion that is based on the prompt requirement. Therefore, you did not follow the discussion instructions and will more than likely fail the test because of it.  
  
You also did not properly write the thesis statement into the first paragraph. The thesis statement is always the last sentence in the first paragraph. You must never present that as a stand alone sentence because there is a specific sentence and paragraph requirement for the test. Altering that presentation affects your scoring considerations as well.  
  
You tried your best to provide a response to the essay based on your point of view. Unfortunately, the discussion you presented is not what the topic instruction required. So I am not sure if you can pass the TOEFL test with such a large prompt deviation based on the instructions provided.
*Merged:*  ## (totally rewrite) TOEFL-Students are more influenced by their teachers than by their friends

  
  
*TOEFL Writing task  
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:  
Students are more influenced by their teachers than by their friends*  
  
It's true that good teachers give us valuable knowledge and lessons for live, however it is our friends who give us each and every bit of advice on almost everything. Typically as a student, having the precious chance of making as many friends as possible, friends surely influence us more than teaches do.  
  
First and foremost, we spend a lot more time with friends than with teachers as a student. As the saying goes, no man is an island. We naturally spend a huge amount of time with our friends out of social demand, either at school or in spare time, even without noticing. For example, not only bad students have the experience of chattering with their voice down during class with a close friend, enjoying the little cleverness not being caught by the teachers, we may all have. Whereas teachers rather focus on delivering knowledge to students, instead of purely sharing interests with joyfulness. As a result, we tend to draw more attention to what leaves us with deep impression, and in most of the cases that refers to friends' words.  
  
More importantly, we share a lot in common with our friends because we are from the same generation. Leaving in a rapidly advancing world as it is nowadays, the more excitement we have to share with our peers, the more difficult for our teachers to keep up with us students. Take an extreme case, the way of learning is drastically changed compared with a decade ago - we can almost search for anything we want to learn on the internet now, and interact with our peers even living in a faraway country! Can our teachers understand that we may not even need for them? Whereas a friend who also study say, programming, on his own through the internet, can help you speed up with your learning just by offering you a code sharing website! That way friends give us really constructive influences.  
  
In a word, friends possess more characteristics to influence us than teachers. They are available, closely related to our delights and problems, thus easier to communicate emotions with or earn practical suggestions from.
*Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Sometimes people think nowadays the media (TV, newspaper, Internet) are less concerned about the accuracy of news than in the past, and the incorrect information may cause more problem to the public.*  
  
## the quality of media content is deteriorating

  
  
Nowadays, there are a diverse range of media such as TV, newspaper, Internet, to name but a few, which people could get access to a great deal of information from. Although some people may consider the media are less concerned about the accuracy of news compared to the past, I maintain that the media always take the accuracy of news into account and not being tolerate to any fake information.  
  
First of all, the media would get into trouble if they don't report the truth to their audience, hence, the media definitely put emphasis on the accuracy of news. For example, my friend, Lisa, who is a journalist. She once told me that two years ago, when she tried to attract more readers of her newspaper, she wrote her article in an exaggerated way and made up some stories to make her content look more appealing. Unfortunately, someone disclosed Lisa's immoral behavior, and also reported the company where Lisa worked in. Consequently, the company was severely fined about 100,000,000 NT dollars and Lisa didn't get paid from the company in that period. Since then, the company has really taken the accuracy of every news into account. After all, the company couldn't stand for another huge punishment again.  
  
Secondly, the media care about reputation, and only being concerned about the accuracy of the news can help the media earn a lot of credit from their audience.  
  
For instance, CNN news, a renown news TV program that people usually spend lots of time watching it. The main reason that people continually watching CNN news is because the program always reports the truth to audience. To be more specific, there is a supervisor system in CNN news to make sure that the TV program reports correct detail of all news, and to ensure that the content is clear not ambiguous. Eventually, through a thorough and comprehensive supervisor system, CNN program always and only produces correct information to people, therefore, it creates a lot of loyal audience and win a lot of applause from them.  
  
In conclusion, the media press certainly put endeavor to make sure they release the accuracy information to their audience. After all, they don't want to get into trouble and also they care about their reputation.
@Elain1997  
Except some minor mistakes and the conclusion, this is well written essay. The first three paragraphs are very good except: " fined about ~~100,000,000 NT~~" when writing an amount of money try to use the words, in the worst cases do not write much of zeros; 100 million NT will work, won't it?  
  
In "~~supervisor~~ system", instead use supervising systems.  
".....release ~~the accuracy~~ information to.....", instead (accurate information).  
.  
Adding another small paragraph before the conclusion about the other side, reasons that let the people think the media present inaccurate information, and refute them will make this essay excellent.  
  
Regarding the conclusion, you must assert your position and restate your reasons (the topic sentence of each paragraph).  
  
All the best,