dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
@murph  
Hi there!  
  
Try adding more dynamism to your writing through incorporating a more structured and yet complex approach to writing. Instead of focusing on using words that are foreign and odd, try to focus more on how you are using these simpler words to elaborate the words that you're trying to mention or say. Having this approach will help you curate more meaningful content in the long-run.  
  
In addition, I find that your writing lacks more real-world grounding. Try incorporating more examples into the mixture, enabling you to have a firmer approach to writing. If you can make concrete your opinions and thoughts, it will be beneficial for you as you are adding more depth in your essay.  
  
Regarding your second to the last paragraph, you have to create a more logical or definitive linkage between your sentences. What precisely do you mean by the correlation of the emergence of newborn entrepreneurs alongside the blossoming of growth and development opportunities? In what instances are these things beneficial?  
  
Best of luck as always. Just try to take it one step at a time in your writing.
## SOLUTION FOR air traffic PROBLEM

  
  
It is believed that air traffic is one of the factors that brings about noise, pollution and problems of airport construction. To tackle these issues, many people reckon that a governmental interference by using higher tax system for aviation is quite necessary. From my perspective, however, I do not agree with this solution for a couple of reasons.  
  
It is commonly known that noise and pollution can take many forms. Noise can come from a variety of human activities such as driving, partying or holding festivals. Likewise, pollution does not only originate from airplanes but can take shape from other kinds of transportations. It is virtually irrational to impose heavy taxes on these daily activities in order to keep the issues in check. Additionally, a heavier tax system would impose more financial burden on residence unnecessarily.  
  
Secondly, higher taxation on aviation would bring about inequality among walks of life. Although the number of rich people is increasing, it does not mean that everyone can afford higher price of air tickets. As a matter of fact, this governmental movement would not impede the mobile needs of the upper class. In contrast, low income residence would induce the loss since higher air costs could reduce their chance of moving around.  
  
Last but not least, exorbitant taxes have a direct effect on tourism. A large number of visitors would change their plans for vacation and alternate their destinations to somewhere more affordable. The attempts of governments to attract tourists, therefore, would be in vain. Besides, when tourism becomes less lucrative, its consequence would be that thousands of people could lose their jobs.  
  
In a nutshell, it is true that air traffic has a detrimental effect on the environment. With the above reasons, governments should not increase the tax system in aviation but instead find some alternative measures to sort out the problem.
@Mikoliver  
Hello there!  
  
I see that you're new to the forum. Welcome! I hope that you find the feedback you are looking for here. Let me try my best to help you.  
  
Firstly, try to work on the construction of the flow and structure of your sentences. I have noticed that there were areas that needed work on in order to relay your information more smoothly. If you can focus on this primarily, you'll have a smarter overall flow in your writing. Having this approach entails that you can also maximize the space you have in your essay more because you're going to be trimming down the unnecessary portions of the text.  
  
Take a look at this revision:  
  
~~It is ... that n~~ Noise and pollution ... ...from ~~a variety of~~ human activities ... ... airplanes but ~~can take shape~~ from ... transportation as well.  
  
If you can recognize which portions are unnecessary and evade their usage, this will help you in the long-run to establish more essential and critical content to work with.  
  
It would also be beneficial for your content if you could extend your words through incorporating firmer examples. If you can, try to focus more on expounding with real-life to demonstrate how realistic your perceptions are of the topic.  
  
Best of luck in your writing as always.
## effects of the economic growth

  
  
Some people believe that the development of economy is the only solution to global issues of hunger and poverty. Others, however, argue that the environment is being threatened by economic growth, so it must be halted. I totally agree with the second viewpoint.  
  
On the one hand, it is beneficial for the poor to live in a country which has a thriving economy. Firstly, the more companies are established, the more opportunities for jobs would appear. Therefore, it is probably easy for poor people to find a job to meet their basic needs. Secondly, the government can support the starving and needy by supplemental income or constructing charitable accommodations.  
  
On the other hand, the increase of economy that is not unstainable may have a negative impact on the environment. For example, deforestation and over-exploiting natural resources in order to make profits without being based on meeting human needs would lead to biodiversity reduction, or even more severe natural disasters. In addition, using fossil fuels, which provide energy for growing industrialization, is causing global warming.  
  
In conclusion, while the economic growth plays an important role in bringing a better life, it seems to me that the environmental issues should also be taken into account to avoid resulting in serious consequences.
@Sun271  
Hi there!  
  
I can see that you're new here. Welcome to the forum! I hope that you joining us here would bring you positive benefits in the long-run as you are learning the language.  
  
Firstly, I find that your writing has grammatical lapses that can easily be resolved. Ensure that you are able to get a grasp of the overall structure that you're working with. Never stretch your sentences too thin that you're unable to dissect the information wisely. Try to always be thorough and yet maintain a sense of self as you are writing. Once you have passed through this, you'll be able to fortify a simplified and yet put-together language that'll give you more of a dynamic writing style.  
  
For instance, take a look at your second to the last paragraph. The second sentence appears to be overstretched and unnecessarily long. Try to minimize the usage of filler words - or the usage of phrases that make you appear as though you are merely mumbling than adding anything substantial to the text. Bear this in mind at all times.  
  
Furthermore, I would also suggest that you try to add more diversification in your writing by evading synonymous words altogether.  
  
Take a look at your second paragraph. Try this revision:  
  
... to live in an economically thriving country ~~which has a thriving economy~~. Firstly, the ~~more ... appear~~ there are more job opportunities where there's an emergence of companies. Therefore, it is ~~probably easy~~ easier for poor ...  
  
Best of luck in your writing as always!
Hello @Sun241  
I hope my feedback will be useful for you  
you should try to avoid repetition as much as possible.  
  
~~On the one hand~~ *To start with*, it is beneficial...  
  
~~On the other hand~~ *However/Nevertheless/Nonetheless*, the increase in *an*economy that is not ~~unstainable~~ *unattainable* may have ...  
..., which *provides* energy for developing industrialization, ~~is causing~~ *causes/results* global warming.  
  
... the economic growth plays an...
## the way to hospital in 2007 and 2010

  
  
The road access to the city hospital has been renewed due to the government's new regulation. Though the main roads remained unrepaired, we may see many changes among the map.  
  
First, six bus stops, which used to locate at both sides of the Hospital Road, were removed and replaced by an organized bus station. Despite optimization to the public transportation, conditions private vehicles used to face were also under consideration. Linked with the bus station are two roundabouts, which were established in order to decline heavy traffic. In the other hand, the public car park was separated from the staff car park and newly built on the east side to the hospital, which provides both staff and citizens sufficient parking spaces as well as individual pathways to enter the hospital.  
  
* 
*
I've revised my writing. I'll appreciate a lot of anyone will like to give me some advice.  
\_\_\_\_\_  
  
The two maps show the renovation of the structures around the city hospital from 2007 to 2010.  
  
Overall, the main roads to the city hospital remained basically the same in the 3 year period. However, there were several new constructions aimed to improve the traffic condition.  
  
To be more precise, the six bus stops, which used to locate at both sides of the Hospital Road, were removed and replaced by an organized bus station set to the north of the hospital. The structure provided passengers a more straightforward direction to take public transportations. What's more, speak to private vehicles, linked with the bus station are two roundabouts, which were established in order to decline heavy traffics.  
  
In the other hand, there were often reports from citizens about hospital staff occupying parking spaces since public and staff car parks were combined initially. To solve the problem, in 2010, the public car park was separated from one of the staff and was newly built on the east side of the hospital. The new facility provides both staff of the hospital and citizens sufficient parking spaces as well as individual pathways to enter the hospital.
**Every year several languages die out Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?**  
  
## we must save dying tonges

  
  
Since long time ago, English has became the most important language in the world, no matter where you are, you can communicate with others in English. But all the other languages are also important, although it may not spread far away or even die out.  
  
Firstly, if this country or region have their own language that means they have their own culture also means they live a place which can not connect other places well. For young people, they may have chance to learn a new language, which may be the popular language, but for old people, it's difficult for them to learn a new language and if their own language die out, they will be inconvenient to live. It's unnecessary for old people to learn a new language and let their own language die out. We have to protect their own language to make their old people live convenient.  
  
Secondly, language is an important part of the human culture, all the languages record human history and life, even the languages die out also have this ability, languages are all important, we have to protect all of them to make sure all the cultures have been recorded, it can help future humans to understand us.  
  
Thirdly, we need to admit that popular language in the world is necessary, it will make our connect with the world connection closer, meanwhile, we also should protect the rare languages to protect our human culture.  
  
In summary, all the languages are important to us, we have to protect all of them to make sure our culture been recorded.  
  
PS: My Writing skill is horrible I think, at latest Ielts test I did was only 5 score, hope you can give me some helpful advice, thanks!
Hello there @ naomi1993  
I see that you're new here and haven't got any experiences so I'll give you some feedbacks about your essay.  
The most important is that the introduction is not mentioned about your opinion since the question is **"To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?"** I think you should include your view point in the introduction to make clear what you'll say next.  
  
*Ex: In my opinion/In my perspective, while I accept that it might be easier for human to have less languages, I would argue that other unpopular dialects are also important.*  
  
Furthermore, since this essay is asking about two sides of the idea so you should have at least two paragraphs to state each sides: one for your agreement and one for the others.  
  
Well that's all I got for you, make sure that you'll try your best to improve writing skill  
*Good lucks, good days ^^*
Dear @naomi1993  
I can see that you are still unfamiliar with the concept of academic writing, as there are several basic mistakes.  
For example:  
1. The first paragraph should be where you restate the opinion in the topic in you way, which is called "paraphrase". Next, carefully read the question, it asked "to what extent do you agree or disagree", that means it expects from you your point of view: strongly agree, agree, disagree or strongly disagree. Don't wander into "how important languages are".  
  
2. There are still grammatical mistakes, "if this country or region have their ..."  
  
3. DON'T ever use the shortened form of the verbs in an essay. "It is", not "it's".  
I think you still have a lot to do, but don't be disappointed when reading these. I have been there. We also have to be critical to improve.  
  
We stand by you.
Hi there :). Honestly, if i was u, i would find more information bout writting in IELTS, there are many forms and complicated, but all have a formula. When you have acknowledge that formula, u will have the ability to write an essay without going the wrong side with the prompt. I think you are new here so my suggestions would be the best for you :). Just come here and write to take professional suggestions u know like from 6.0 to higher. But when you dont have the background... i think you should build it :D. So good luck and hope you do better in writting :)!
@naomi1993  
HI there Naomi!  
  
Your writing is not horrible. There's always room for you to grow in your writing. Just keep going!  
  
I'll try to provide a comprehensive feedback for your essay.  
  
First and foremost, evade rambling when you are writing. Having a structure and following through with it is quite essential when you are writing, considering that it would help you establish more directed meaning that'll add critical depth and analysis to your writing. Doing this will help you have more balanced content that'll help you when you are writing.  
  
Having said that, let me revise a small portion of your essay.  
  
Firstly, if ~~this~~ a country ~~or region~~ has ~~have~~ their own language, they would have hold of their own culture. ~~that means ... places well~~. ..., they ~~may~~ have chance ... language~~,~~; ~~but~~ for old people, it's difficult ~~for them~~ to learn a new language ~~and if their own ... to live~~. ... new language ~~and~~ to let their own ~~language~~ die out. We have to protect ~~their~~ our own language to ~~make their ... convenient.~~ add convenience to peoples' lives.  
  
I think that the overall direction of your thesis statement can be improved. If you are able to focus more on defining the extent of your content, you'll have more of a patterned structure to follow  
  
Best of luck as always in your writing endeavors!
Hi,  
  
I would like to give you my personal opinion about your essay.  
  
First of all, this is the agree or disagree type, hence you have to put your own opinion in the first paragraph.  
You can focus on the points you have made into two main points. The first is to maintain the culture of each nation. The second is other issues that can affect when changing your mother tongue as the life of the elderly, etc.  
  
Let's try to practice more everyday!  
Hope you will advance your skill.
## The diagram demonstrates the process of making chocolate.

  
Overall, The process has ten parts which is begun from the growing of the cocoa and culminated in the production of chocolate.  
First and foremost, Cocoa beans in three countries South America, Africa, Indonesia are planted until their pods become ripe and red, then they harvest and separate pods and white cocoa beans. Afterward, The beans are placed in a large tray to ferment, after the fermentation the cocoa beans will be spread under the sun so they will be dried. Next, they put these beans in a large sacks and transported them to factory by train or lorry. Later, the beans will be roasted at 350C by grain machine, after which the beans move to another machine and that machine will crush the beans to remove the outer shell. In the final stage, the inner part will be pressed to produce liquid chocolate
## Who's responsible for tackling climate change?

  
  
***Some people think that developed countries have a higher responsibility to combat climate change than developing countries. Others believe that all countries should have the same responsibilities towards protecting the environment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Write at least 250 words. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.***  
  
With the environmental issues being disregarded in the past few decades, they start to bring plenty of significantly and unexpectedly negative impacts on our daily life. Therefore, human beings begin to raise the awareness of issues, such as sustainable developments and carbon emissions, and governors discuss solutions on international conferences officially. The question of what each country can do to protect the environment has become more and more prominent. However, some people believe that all countries around the world are equally responsible when it comes to combating climate change while others think that developed countries have a greater responsibility than developing countries.  
  
Apparently, there's no doubt that climate change is a universal, global problem; thus, solutions are necessary to be a global scale, too. In my point of view, developed countries should be the first responders to deal with climate change issue than developing countries since they possess more resources and professional knowledge. In addition, developed nations are obviously more capable of leading other nations to find proper solutions and take actions to solve this severe global issue. Another reason is that all kinds of pollutions that had been caused by developed countries in the past decade are destroying Earth continuingly nowadays, they should take the first action to prevent our planet from walking at the edge of dying.  
  
On the other hand, developing countries should also combat climate change by following developed nations' instructions. Although they have a limitation on providing professional advice, they still can cooperate with developed nations, improve the carbon footprints and do their best to protect the mother nature.  
  
In conclusion, combating climate change isn't the issue only for developed countries to concern about but for every nation on Earth. Perhaps, developed countries seem to take more actions than developing countries, but in fact, developing countries should take responsibilities as much as developed countries do. Overall, in order to maintain our life quality, I firmly believe that all nations should stay in positive attitudes towards not only the aspect of coping with climate change but also the environment around the world.
@Katherine\_Tu1101  
Hello there.  
  
First and foremost, there's a general observation that you focused more on curating content that's for the background of the topic. You had evaded answering the fundamental question. While you were able to reiterate and give out substantial information as to the progression of environmental concerns, you were unable to answer who specifically should be responsible for these changes. I suggest trying to revise the overall content in relation to this commentary.  
  
Overall, your writing style is quite impressive. There is dynamic pacing in your writing, making your structure useful when it comes to showcasing how you can curate long-form content. You had smooth transitions between your lines and had an effective tone spread throughout.  
  
Having said that, focusing more on the depth is critical when you are writing. Try to elaborate more on the topic and focus specifically on that. Afterwards, we can discuss how you can improve your writing through creating more concise sentences.  
  
Best of luck as always.
## Bread price history

  
  
The line graph illustrates the price of 800 grams of four kinds of bread in a particular European national over the period 2001-2005  
  
Looking at the graph, it is immediately obvious that the price of wholegrain stay underchanged while the brown and white bread increased sharply and the rye bread rase slowly over the period  
  
In 2001, the price of wholegrain was highest at 0.8 euros for 800 grams. There was a reach the highest point of 1.8 euros in 2002 then went down significantly to 0.8 euros in 2005. The rye bread underwent a slow rise from 0.6 to 0.7 euros over the period 2001-2005.  
  
It is noticeable that the white and brown bread only cost 0.6 euros each in 2001.The brown bread rase shaply from 0.6 euros in 2001 until surpass the price of wholegrain in 2002 then becam highest at 1.6 euros in 2005. There was a sustainable climb in white bread to 1.3 in 2005.
@Sangdoan  
Hello there!  
  
Welcome to the forum.  
  
Firstly, try to use words that would help you compress the language and your articulation in general. It is quite noticeable how there were instances wherein you should have opted to change up the formatting in order for you to save up space. Remember that, in writing interpretative and analytical content, it is critical that you are able to maximize the space you have as you are working with smaller chunks of text.  
  
Having said that, observe these revisions I will make:  
  
The~~re was a reach the~~ highest point ~~of~~ was 1.8 euros ...  
  
Notice how a small change like that can simplify your language even more so.  
  
Try incorporating similar techniques in the process.  
  
I have also observed how you had small mistakes in terms of grammatical composition.  
  
Observe the following changes:  
  
The brown bread ~~rase shaply~~ rose from ... until it surpassed ~~the price of~~ wholegrain in 2002 ~~then~~  before ~~becam~~ becoming the highest at 1.6 euros ~~in~~ by 2005.  
  
Review your fundamental grammatical rules.  
  
Best of luck in your writing as always!