dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Ummu, there are a number of problems with your essay ranging from inaccurate prompt paraphrasing, lexical mistakes and grammar development presentations. Your desire to write the perfect essay is evident in the work but unfortunately, it falls short of the requirements and expectations for this sort of essay. I guess I have to walk you through this problem so let's get started.  
  
In terms of the opening paraphrase, you were way off base in your presentation because you were too focused on using as many complex English terms as you could rather than developing a proper presentation for your thoughts and reasoning. Let's see now, the correct prompt restatement would have been:  
  
*These days, people prefer to live in urban areas rather than a small community. It seems that they prefer to live in places where they do not really know their neighbors when compared to those living in a small community. In this essay, I shall present a discussion regarding the advantages and disadvantages of living in the small residential areas.*  
  
The opening paraphrase should be just that, a restatement of the prompt in your own understanding, which is what I presented above. I trust that you understand how to paraphrase because you had a pretty decent attempt at doing it in this essay. Please remember that there are certain keywords that need to be used in the opening statement, such as "advantage" and "disadvantage" in order to show that you understood the discussion requirements properly.  
  
You use some pretty impressive English words in this essay such as "hutment" and "burg". These are really old English / ancient English words that are not commonly used these days. Which tells me that you researched these words before using them in the essay. These are not part of your regular English vocabulary. You were out to get an unreasonably high score in the LR portion of your test. Unfortunately, this will backfire on you in the actual test because you won't have time to research impressive sounding words. Just speak naturally and used words that you are familiar with. It is best to be scored on the level for information you truly know rather than information that you researched.  
  
Finally, please make sure to double check for your punctuation placements. There were a few instances when you did not place a period at the end of a sentence leading into a new paragraph. That creates a hanging sentence which would affect your GRA score. Also, you need to provide at least 3 sentences in order to create an acceptable, minimum paragraph. You will lose points for writing less sentences as well. Just don't go over 5 sentences and your score will be acceptable in that area.
***The maps illustrate how Meadowside village and Fonton, which is a neighboring town, have developed over three different time periods (1962, 1985 and the present).  
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.***  
  
## transformation of Meadowside - analisys

  
  
Three maps are provided for analysis of the transformation in Meadowside village and the nearby town of Fonton. The time points chosen for the purpose are 1962, 1985 and the present. In this essay, I will summarize their developments in size and infrastructure, and make comparisons wherever relevant.  
  
Overall, Meadowside and Fonton alike have undergone immense changes. They used to be completely separate but merge together as they both expand far beyond their original size. Initially as a village, Meadowside is converted to a suburb where a range of facilities are created.  
  
In 1962, Meadowside was a small village in the west, located on a narrow road curving north to west. In contrast, Fonton was a town of modest size in the east end, situated on a railway winding north to east. This year, there was no transport route connecting Meadowside and Fonton, nor did any other facility exist.  
  
In 1985, there was considerable growth in the size of Meadowside and Fonton. The road intersecting Meadowside was upgraded to a broader one, from which a new road branched off east to communicate it with Fonton. Around the convergence of these roads sprung up a leisure complex, a housing estate and a supermarket.  
  
Currently, Meadowside, which is now a suburb, and Fonton have united as a result of further expansions. A new railway extends to the west where a station comes into existence. To its north is established a hotel; across the east-west road from the station lies a newly-built business park.  
  
**Though map comparison tasks are not common, I have to prepare for them that do appear the test. I try to develop my own style of map comparison writing.  
  
I would more appreciate it if you score my essay.**  
  
*
I'm also preparing for the test just like you, so my comment may not be very useful :)) However, here are some thoughts I have in mind after reading your essay:  
  
- Good points: the outline is clear, I can recognize what your essay and each paragraph is talking about. Your vocabulary is complex and varied.  
- Something you may want to improve:  
+ The introduction has some repeated phrases with the prompt. Maybe you want to paraphrase the prompt more.  
+ It seems to me that you did not focus on the change in size. A clearer description of how sizes of these two areas change over three time periods is recommended.  
  
Hope this helps. Good luck!
Gang, we are looking at another possible 8 score for this essay. Ever since you started developing your own writing style, I have noticed that your writing has improved to the point where you can now just focus on proper analysis of the information rather than the presentation of the information. Remember, I told you that when you become comfortable writing in your own way, the essays will fall into place on its own? It looks like you are well on your way to making writing these essays second nature to yourself. One point for revision though, when you are discussing a past year, never use the present tense of "This year..." to signify the place in time. You need to practice referring to past instances in various formats such as "During that year", "In the same year", or "Based upon information from the same year..." among other possible phrase presentations in reference to past time. I admire you for being extra prepared for the test. You obviously want to do your best so you are over preparing this early. Be careful though, you don't want to burn out before the actual test date comes. You might run out of steam and end up not doing so well in the actual test. Pace yourself with the exercises. Your exam isn't till next year. Take it easy and don't overdo the preparation.
@Holt  
Thank you. It is quite considerate of you to give me the advice. I would like to reassure you that my stamina will not flag.  
  
When I started to write IELTS essay a couple months ago, my goal was quite simple, that is, preparing the writing section, the most formidable challenge to the applicants in China mainland. My fellows excel at Listening and Reading, so much so that even a 9 for one of the sections are not uncommon in my country. However, when it comes to Writing, most of us can barely score a 6 or even lower. That is largely because there are myriad dubious gurus and misleading recommendations of the test in my country. As a non native English learner, I cannot make difference between good and bad, right and wrong. So frustrated and beguiled, I fell short of giving up the test.  
  
That's why I felt as if I found a new world when I went to the forum. Your authoritative and conscientious advice lighted my path, dispelled my misgivings and breathed confidence into my mind. I practiced writing accordingly and enjoyed every inch of progress. Fatigue rarely overtook me, as I was always in a buoyant mood.  
  
Furthermore, it dawned on me that writing practice is not merely preparation for IElTS, but an ideal way to learn English. In the process, I've strengthened my grasp of words and phrases that I superficially knew. For instance, by writing this essay, I've fully understood the usage of "to curve", "to wind", "to situate","to locate", "convergence","nor", etc. If I had not tried to use them myself, I would not have made the improvement in my English proficiency.  
  
So Thank you for your kindness. You thoughtfulness is a gift I will always treasure. But you might well not be worried about my steam. I will be more enthusiastic and spirited to see my advance, in both IETLS preparation and broader English skills.
Dear all!  
This is my essay for IELTS writting task 2. Could you please spend your time on reading and comment whether or not it is ok? thanks and I hope to receive your feedbacks and recommendations. Thank you :)  
  
Question:  
**Many people think that public celebrations (like national holidays, festivals, etc.) are a waste of money and that the government should spend these funds in a better way.  
  
Do you agree or disagree?  
Give reasons for your answer and examples from personal experience where appropriate.**  
  
## money for public celeberations

  
  
Essay:  
Nowaday, it is universally acknowledged that the expenditure goverments spent on public celeberations is enormous, which is due to the amount of funds for organizing and the loss in productivity as on these national holidays, employees are off from work. Therefore, many people think that these funds should be spent judiciouly on alternative ways instead of on these public holidays. Personally, I strongly disagree with this opinion.  
  
First and foremost, it is undeniable that the productivity is lost when employees are off freom work. However, that loss is incomparable with the amount and quality of work performed after they have a relaxing holidays with their families. It is obvious after some days away from work, worker get more energy, beter working spirit and morale, which are vital for the enterprise's development. For instance, in Vietnmam, due to the Labour Day, employees have relaxing time with their families and friends, thus, when being back to work, they are more energetic and work harder.  
  
Moreover, public holidays are the time for a country to consolidate the national spirit and they show the rememberance of the victory, or the important events of one nation in the past. Due to these public celeberations, every citizens of a country may feel prouder and stronger as they are united. For example, the Independent Day is when all Vietnamese citizens show their respect and gratitude to the sacred moment of victory. For these morale values, it is impossible to abolish the organization of the national holidays.  
  
To recapitulate, due to the relevant improvement in productivity and the morale values, the public celeberations must be remained and organized judiciously by the governments to ensure the mentioned outcomes.
Your essay is good to me. I have some suggestions to improve your essay:  
- In the introduction, you stated that public celebrations are considered a waste of money because of*"the amount of fund for organizing and the loss in productivity*, so you can outline your essay based on the two reasons, explain why each reason is not right.  
  
+ 2nd paragraph: expenditure on organizing these celebrations is an investment because we can gain money from tourist industry -> example: on Tet holiday people tend to spend more money, festivals can attract tourists from other countries blablabla :))  
  
+ 3rd paragraph: productivity is actually not lost because: people produce more goods for other people to buy on holidays/festivals/national celebrations -> boost the market. Other supporting ideas are already presented in your essay.  
  
+ there is nothing wrong with the idea*"to consolidate the national spirit"*, just keep it :D  
+ the conclusion is quite short. It is not a paragraph. You should restate the problem again, emphasize your answer and your reasons (according to my writing style :v).  
  
Hope this help. Good luck!
Helen, there are only 2 problems with the essay that you wrote. Both of which you can easily avoid in the future. The first problem, is that you began an immediate discussion of the essay prompt when the opening paragraph requires a prompt paraphrase, without an actual discussion instead. Therefore, your opening paragraph should have been like this:  
  
*With all of the government funded festivities that occur in a year, most people believe that the government is not spending tax funds in a proper manner. They believe that the government must be more responsible in spending the budget allotted to the government. I agree with this statement for several reasons. In this essay, I shall discuss a few of those reasons and support the presentation with my personal knowledge whenever possible.*  
  
The first rule of the Task 2 essay is, always properly restate the prompt requirements. If you fail to do that, as you did in this essay, there will be a great tendency for your TA score to be either low or failing in score. If you get the latter, then your whole essay automatically fails. Lucky for you that your succeeding paragraph discussions were right on the mark. More than the maximum allowable of 5 sentences per paragraph, but still, well thought out and developed. Just remember discuss the paragraph topics with less sentences next time.  
  
By the way, your concluding paragraph had the opposite problem. You came in with a run-on sentence instead. For scoring purposes, always use the minimum 3, maximum 5 sentence ruling. One long sentence will not increase your chances at a higher final score but 5 short but significant sentences will accomplish that.
## wheat exports 1985-1990

  
  
The graph compares the amount of wheat exported by Australia, Canada and European Community from 1885 to 1990.  
Overall, it can be seen that there was a fluctuation in the number by all three areas. However, after the middle of 1988, European Community overtook the others as the largest wheat exports.  
  
Turning to details, in 1985, 15 million tons is exported on wheat by Australia, which is the lowest amount in all areas. Regarding Canada and European Community, the figure were little similar, at about 17 million tons and 19 million tons, respectively. Despite some fluctuations, Canada's wheat exports continued to be higher than by others through three years. By 1986, it started to rise significantly and reached a peak at 25 million tons in 1988 while the figure for Australia and the other were only at over 12 million tons and 15 million tons respectively.  
  
After that, there was a dramatic change that the total number of wheat exported by Canada rapidly decreased and dropped to its lowest point in 1989, at under 15 million tons before increasing again. As for Australia, there was a similar trend when the figure continued to go down to around 11 million tons and remained at this point until 1990. In contrast, European Community's exports experienced a gradual increase and reached the highest point at over 20 million tons in 1990.  
  
*
Vu, you will be losing points for task accuracy with your presentation. Your summary overview at the beginning is incomplete. Without a proper overview or summary of the forthcoming discussion, you have created an essay that does not have a proper outline and also, does not accurately inform the reader of the information to come and who the target audience for the presentation is. Normally, the proper presentation for this outline would have been:  
  
*A graph has been presented for a summary report. The summarized information shall be presented to a university lecturer for his consideration. The data that was taken from the chart for presented include...*  
  
As you can see, a simple adjustment of the content of the statement you presented would have garnered you a higher TA score which, in the process, will also boost your remaining score considerations.
I'm practicing and preparing for TOEFL writing. I'll be so glad if any feedback is given on this essay! Thank you, I truly wish you luck. This essay is written regarding an agree-or-disagree topic. (Word Count: 406)  
  
## human civilization destruction because of internet?

  
  
The invention of the Internet has considerably changed the way we live now in the society. In the past, in order for women to cook properly, they had to visit certain places to acquire the knowledge of cooking from others who give lots of tips and skills. This method, however, is very time-consuming since people need to take huge amount of time and stamina to reach the places by walking or any other transportation means. After the arrival of the Internet, now everyone is able to learn how to cook at home from simply watching videos regarding countless recipes. In my perspective, I strongly disagree with the following statement that the Internet has had negative effects on human civilization. The internet provides a wide range of education as well as information.  
  
First of all, there is no better place than the Internet to experience knowledge one has never seen in the past. For example, I play games on weekends because they are fun and relieve my stress accumulated in my brain. Suddenly I came up with an idea of making my own game. Because I did not know where to start, I asked people online to obtain better thoughts about my concerns. I finally made it reaching the point where I can start. After many practices and a trial and error, my rough but simple and small game was born. Without the help from people on the Internet, this task would never have been possible.  
  
Secondly, people search for information online almost every day. Living in the bottomless sea of information is never exaggerated. For instance, when people come up with a topic about current events from news, there could be at least some people who have never heard it earlier. Their next action is quite obvious. They immediately grab their phones and check news online. If the Internet did not exist, they could have left the communication due to boredom and sit for a while and continue listening to the topic they cannot understand at all.  
  
To sum up, the statement that the Internet is degrading human civilization is not really a truth. Individuals can easily learn something interesting at home without any help from others. Within few minutes, you very well aware of particular information or any topics. Thanks to these huge advantages, the society can care less about some negative effects of the Internet. What the Internet gives us should be more appreciated.
**First, there're some grammatical and spelling errors**  
- "acquire the knowledge of cooking ~~from~~ with others"  
- " take a huge amount of time"  
- "topic about current events from the news" - *'The' would be used either for the media, or for specific news, I guess*  
- "After the ~~arrival~~ appearance of the Internet"  
- " I play games on weekends because ~~they are~~ it's fun"  
  
**Your essay, generally, quiet good. However, you must find more evidence because in an essay, every point you make must be backed up with supporting evidence. I wish you would get a high grade for your TOELF writing.**
Kode, I need the full prompt that was originally provided to you for the proper assessment of your essay. You cannot just give me a partial reference to the prompt instructions. That is useless to me and will not allow me to help you improve your writing based upon problem points consideration. You have written this essay as a research paper instead of an agree - disagree essay. Your sentence count per paragraph should never go beyond the 5 sentences per paragraph limit. You do not have the time to write these extra long and detailed paragraphs in the actual test setting. I have a funny feeling that you did not time yourself when you wrote this essay. The content borders on being extra analytical. That means, you took the time to think about your response and develop it. That is why you came up with these extra long paragraphs. Believe me, in the actual setting, you will be hard pressed to complete your paragraphs within the given time frame. So you must practice with a timer and try to develop a better way of writing. One that allows you express yourself within 5 sentences, without creating run-on sentences in every paragraph. While this is a tremendously strong essay, there are a number of scoring considerations that I cannot use in the assessment of your work due to the lack of the original prompt. Since I can only give you one advice per essay, you will need to remember to give me the complete prompt when you post your next essay.
There is no doubt that projects play a key role in students' evaluation process at academic institutes such as schools or universities. Views differ when it comes to the issue of whether students should do projects collaboratively or not. Although some people may maintain the idea of working on projects separately, I firmly believe that students should work on projects together because not only will students get familiar with the key concept of cooperation which assists them in their future career, but also they will learn more about the subject of projects they are working on.  
  
The first reason coming into my mind at first is that students will be trained to work collaboratively and this training will bring them a promising future. As a matter of fact, doing projects as a group will provide them with an opportunity to learn more about collaboration which will benefit them in future. To be more specific, a student, who does a project with the assistance of other students, fortifies his communicational skills throughout these projects. Since he already has interacted with others about the ways they can implement the project. Even after graduation, when he tends to find a job, he can join teams which do projects together. In this way, he will not have any troubles. Because he already has experienced such a situations which he is supposed to work with other people.  
  
The second reason which should be stated here is that doing projects with friends, students will find an opportunity to learn more about the practical aspects of the course they work on project. Generally, the core idea of doing projects in a group is about getting familiar with the real-world applications of the courses which are offered in universities. Abstract concepts may not be completely understood until they come into reality. Moreover, studying textbooks all day long may disturbs students. As an illustration an electrical engineering student might know the concept of integral. However, he finds it useful when he knows that this concept is widely used in electrical circuits. Thus, by augmenting abstraction with reality, students will be flexible and innovative in coping with concepts which are merely presented in their textbooks.  
  
To wrap it up, it is my deep belief that projects should be done in groups rather than individually due to the aforementioned reasons including improving the sense of collaboration, and also being informed about the practical aspects of a course. Who can overlook the sheer advantageous results which are gained when students learn how to do projects with the help of each other?