dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
@bereadyforE  
Welcome to the forum. Here's my feedback on your writing.  
  
Firstly, when you're introducing the thesis statement such as the first sentence you have, try to be more concise with language usage. This is imperative because this will determine how well you will be received by the readers. If you're able to find a shorter alternative to the sentences you are writing, this will help you become more desirable and understandable for the readers. For instance, in the second sentence of your first paragraph, you could have just mentioned that *testing on animals is either perceived as unethical or justifiable depending on one's perception*. Having a shorter and less complex structure also will allow the readers to have a better discernment of what goes through in the write-up.  
  
Clarity is crucial when you are writing. In the second paragraph, for instance, the word *environment* and *chemicals* can't be treated as alternatives to each other in the context. This is most especially since they don't really have the same meaning. Hence, using them in your first sentence here doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Try to stick with one concept and expand from there. This will be much better than trying to squeeze in too many details that aren't really even that sensible.
@Maria  
Thank you so much for your feedback. It's so helpful to me. I always struggle to arrange my ideas so thanks to your feedback, I will try my best to improve my writing. I'm so sorry to bother you but would you mind if I asked you a question? Because I'm trying to get an IELTS Band 8.0, if I can fix the aforementioned problem, will this essay reach the requirement of band 8?  
  
Thank you so much for your insight.
## Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and LinkedIn

  
  
The average user engagement for four social networking sites is presented in the table and pie chart.  
  
Overall, Facebook and Twitter are two sites with the highest average visits and market shares in spite of the lowest daily usages. Meanwhile, Instagram and LinkedIn users spend the longest time on the sites but show the reverse.  
  
The figures clearly indicate that Facebook and Twitter users spend the least amount of time on the sites with 0,8 and 0,6 hours per day on average. However, the average daily visits for Facebook and Twitter are the highest among fours social networking sites. Furthermore, Facebook and Twitter have the biggest market shares with respective percentage of 50,25% and 19,96%.  
  
The average hours users spend everyday on Instagram and LinkedIn are 1,4 and 1,7 hours becoming the highest among four sites. By contrast, Instagram and LinkedIn show the lowest visits with averages of 16,6 and 7,2 times per day. The proportion of market controlled by these two sites are also the smallest, constituting 18,45% and 11,34%.  
  
*
@irsaqisthi  
Hi there. Thanks for coming to the forum! Here is my feedback on this writing.  
  
While I think that you had a sufficient amount of analysis incorporated into your writing, I find that the text itself still lacks that technically and academically appropriate level of appeal. For one, you need to focus more on the transition words you are using and the punctuation marks themselves. If you are able to integrate these two in a more seamless manner, it would make the writing superficially better.  
  
Packaging your words in a more productive way can also go a long way for you. For example, the second sentence of the second paragraph could have just said that Instagram and LinkedIn users show reserve results in spite of time spent on the sites. Notice how doing this makes it a lot more enhanced because you are using more complex and yet less dreaded formatting for the essay. Apply this throughout your essay.
## change in development terms following your study

  
  
Farming processes and food systems generate different kinds of wastes. Reducing environmental problems caused by inappropriate disposal of waste relies on sufficient utilization of agricultural waste. Nowadays, the use of this waste is a priority for sustainable development to be achieved. As part of my plan to study at the University of Newcastle, I plan to assess the application of eggshell waste as valuable products. Eggshell is a solid waste, with a production of several tons per day. Eggshell is mostly sent to landfills with high management cost. Nigeria is blessed with arable land for constant renewability and reuse of eggshell waste into biomaterial, fertilizers and biodiesel. Extensive application of eggshell waste will not only create job opportunities, but also enable rural communities to practice sustainable technologies to improve small farm holder's farming systems, output, productivity, and food and nutrition security in the communities. These will replace inorganic fertilizers and fossil fuels, as well as reducing agricultural waste generated. Also, the involvement of local communities to this innovative technology will enhance the livelihood and accelerate development. Eventually, public participation forms will seek to reinvent the government to open up to transparency and accountability.  
  
I intend to secure a position at the federal ministry of agriculture as a food security policy analyst expert. It will avail me the opportunity to collaborate with the UK based west Africa science and innovation network (SIN) and my matter, in developing cutting edge policies, and strategies for food and other agricultural waste for a fair, sustainable food system.
@rinxyaw  
Welcome to the forum. I hope that this feedback of mine gives you insight on how to improve this writing.  
  
As I constantly mention to people here, clarity is extremely important when you are writing. The easiest way to go around this would be to ensure that you are logically following through with information that you're introducing. For instance, take a look at your first sentence. You mentioned that there are *different kinds of wastes* - and yet, you were unable to expound on what these are specifically.  
  
While I think that it was great that you were able to slightly incorporate in the first paragraph the specifics of what your application entails, the second paragraph was still a bit loose when it came to tying these concepts together in an academically planned structure. What I suggest is trying to make smoother the transition between the first and the second paragraphs through incorporating how Sin *directly* or *indirectly* correlates with the rest of your writing. Doing this will help you in the long-run have a more enhanced outlook on the topic.
***\* If you had to work on a project for school would you rather:*  
## a) work alone, b) work with classmates or c) work with a tutor.**  
  
We all have, at some time of our lives, had to make the choice of choosing how to work on a project. And particularly when it comes to school projects, students choose to work alone, in groups, or merely with the guidance of an experienced tutor. Personally, I would rather work with a group of classmates than alone or with a tutor for reasons related to the inefficiency of solo as well as supervised work.  
  
First of all, solo work can be boring and, frankly, one-sided, colorless and unimaginative in many ways. In fact, when we choose to isolate from people in projects, we automatically isolate ourselves from different perspectives, diverse experiences and new ideas. Moreover, encapsulating one's thinking can only lead to making it vulnerable and outdated as not only it is separated from the influence of other personalities, it is threatened with deterioration and perishing. Indeed, ideas should always be revised and enhanced.  
  
Furthermore, working with a tutor is, by all means, a threat to the improvisation and imagination of the young mind. Initially, we can all agree with the fact that a progressive and innovative project can only be achieved by having a horizontal relationship between the parties involved in its development. However, engaging a tutor in the work of a "student" can only be regarded as breaking the aforementioned rule. Thus, as crucial a tutor can be to accelerating and crafting any school work, it is also important to note that the importance of school projects lie in the effort put in not just the yield. If anything tutors can make projects effortless, hence, meaningless.  
  
Lastly, I would choose to work with a group of my classmates in a school project for the rich, diverse and sometimes unique perspectives they can all bring. And as awkward and messy group work can be, the discussions that students have, within or outside of the main ideas of the topic at hand, can be beneficial, awarding them a short-term success in the project and a long-term success in maturing and strengthening friendships. As a matter of fact, as socializing opportunities become rarer than ever for students, school projects can provide a time to catch up and converse within a homogeneous unit.  
  
Overall, school projects can be the perfect time to shape new perspectives on different topics, away from the usual, somewhat boring, homework routine. Thus, it is an opportunity to both learn and mature, and socialize. For that reason, regardless of the project, I would always choose to do it within a group of my cohort.  
  
**\* Please give it a grade out of 15.**
@Sunrise011  
Hello! Like the other paragraph, I would also grant this one an 8 out of 15.  
  
You struggle when it comes to placement of *approrpriate* punctuation marks. This makes it somehow harder to decipher portions of the writing that should have been easy to digest. What I recommend is that you focus more on actualizing the rules of grammar and writing instead of focusing too much on extending your arguments without a care for these types of write-ups. Doing this will definitely help you become more creative when it comes to the overall transition without risking being misunderstood by your readers.  
  
While I appreciate that you took time to explain everything one by one (the three concepts), you were still lacking in the comparative department - which, I believe, is the most important part of this portion because this is what's actually being asked from you in the prompt. Try to stick with this comparative viewpoint than merely describing everything.
## the choice how to spent gifted money

  
  
**\* You have been given a gift of money. Which would you rather spend it on: a) a piece of jewelry b) a pair of concert tickets c) an expensive meal.**  
  
When we consider the importance money has in people's lives, it is only logical to think about how to spend it in order to get a genuine value. Therefore, in this discussion, some would argue that food -healthy and varied- is a priority when it comes to spending money, while others would argue that expensive acquisitions such as jewelry are valued for their uniqueness and are a sign of prosperity. However, if I had the money, I would generally spend it on art.  
  
Personally, out of the options provided, a pair of concert tickets would be my go-to for a variety of reasons. Mainly, I find the other two options merely uninteresting; plus, I am an art-maniac.  
  
First of all, Jewelry are simply a symbol of wealth and do not offer any spiritual, mental or physical support to the owner. In fact, I would go as far as saying expensive materials such as silver, gold and diamonds are ways to show off and can even be an offense and a disrespectful way to undermine underprivileged people's worth. For instance, it is widely recognized that the use of expensive jewelry is accompanied with a change in attitude and the inclination towards self-importance and arrogance. And I do not want to be associated by any of these terrible depictions.  
  
Furthermore, food, particularly expensive meals bought at top-notch restaurants, is attainable at the lowest of prices if we want to indulge in the magic of cooking. Indeed, I would rather spend a couple of hours to prepare my favorite dishes and look up recipes online than go out to a restaurant where I would probably feel uncomfortable around people that might not be friendly just to get something in a really high price and away from the coziness of home. And as much as I have the best regards for famous restaurants and cooks for their clean and neat work places, I do not see myself spending much money on such an activity.  
  
Lastly, my choice of the pair of concert tickets does not just stem from the inconvenience of the other two options, but is also inspired by my admiration for art. The thing is, in my everyday life, I do not have the money to witness my favorite singer in action or watch the premiere of an anticipated movie because of the pricey tickets or the expensive prices of trips. Thus, having this gift money will allow me to take my mother -the person that I share my favorite songs and artists with- to see my favorite my band, regardless of the money needed.  
  
Overall, my choice is based on critical thinking, observation and passion. An expensive meal or piece of jewelry, as tempting as they may be, do not convince me to spend large amounts of money. However, going to a concert I wouldn't normally have the resources to go to fits the bill. Nonetheless, to be fair, there is no right choice as it all depends on preference and lifestyle.  
  
**\*\*\* Please give it a grade out of 15.**
@Sunrise011  
Out of a grade of 15, I would grant this an 8. The reasons are as follows:  
1. The packaging of your sentences are a bit confusing at times. You could have gotten away with using simpler structures and content to create more concise meaning; however, you still did not implement this throughout the writing. It would have helped you immensely when it comes to trying to not be lost in the sea of words.  
  
2. The flow of writing is a bit imbalanced. The hanging "paragraph" that's currently your second paragraph seems a bit off. It wasn't really necessary given that you could have incorporated this into the first paragraph. Doing that would have made a whole lot more sense.  
  
3. Small mistakes throughout the writing were prevalent. This goes from punctuation to capitalization. I have noticed that you struggle a bit when it comes to the placement of commas. Just try to remember a simple rule: if you find yourself needing to pause when you are verbalizing a sentence, then the written version would naturally need to have a comma as well.
Hi! This piece of writing is for IELTS Writing Task 1. Comments/criticism/suggestions please!  
  
## Summarise the information from the provided table

  
  
**Prompt**: The table below shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two periods.  
  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.  
  
**Essay:** The table gives information about the amounts of visitors received by Ashdown Museum during the years before and after its renovation. The chart indicates visitors' degrees of satisfaction during the two periods.  
  
Overall, after refurbishment, the museum received more visitors and provided better visit experience. The museum saw a significant reduction in the share of visitors who reported "dissatisfaction".  
  
Visitor numbers rose from 74,000 to 92,000 after renovation, a significant increase by almost a quarter. Another remarkable gain that can be observed is the percentage of visitors who felt "satisfied" or "very satisfied". This proportion has been less than half before refurbishment, but soared to 75% during the year after refurbishment, with 40% being "satisfied" and 35% feeling "very satisfied".  
  
Negative feedbacks, on the other hand, shrank after renovation. 40% of the visitors had rated their experience as dissatisfactory and another 10% had felt worse during the year before the museum was renovated. After the renovation, dissatisfaction levels slumped to 15% while the percentage of visitors feeling very dissatisfied dropped to 5%.  
  
*
@TriceLiu  
Hi again! Here's my feedback on your writing.  
  
Be extra mindful of the prepositions you are using throughout as using the wrong ones can negatively impact your writing. You can have absolutely substantiated content - however, if you are unable to properly relay all of this data in the grammatically right manner, it can all be useless. Take, for instance, the first paragraph. What you should have used is *on* and not *about*.  
  
Articles also go a long when you're properly incorporating them to your writing. For example, in the second paragraph, you needed to say that they provide *a* *better visit experience* since you were trying to relay it for each individual person who approaches/enters the museum.  
  
Quotation mark should be placed after the period if you intend to use it on the very end of a sentence. This is the more formal approach to writing, especially if you review regulations and rules on APA writing - which is often considered as the standard for a lot of write-ups.
Hey guys,  
I'll try to give you some feedback related to your writing.  
  
Your introduction covers all the elements related to those cited in the questions, so I would say that it is good intro.  
Well, When it comes to your overview, I'd probably say it is quite good as well.  
i can really easy read your essay without any map. se let me give you score based on the band descriptors.  
  
Note :  
  
... slumped to 15%, while ... (you need to put comma before while)  
  
Task Achievement : 7  
Coheren and Cohesion : 7  
Lexical Recource : 7  
Grammatical range and accuracy: 7
## social networking sites popularity trends

  
  
The bar chart illustrates the number of social networking sites people used in Canada in 2015 and 2014. Overall, in 2015, people tend to use more than one social networking site than in 2014  
  
It's noticeable that the percentages of people using one site are the highest in both 2014 and 2015, with 36% in 2014 and 28% in 2015. However, during one year, the number of people who used one site and no sites has declined, especially there is a sharply decrease in the group which people are reported using one social network. For more details, from 22% to 21% in 2014, from 36% to 28% in 2015.  
  
In contrast, there are upward trends in the number of Canadian users connected to more than only one site. For example, in 2014, the percentages of three sites social networking users is 12% and after one year, it has increased to 16%. Similarly, the proportion of four sites Canadian visitors has risen 3% for 1 years, from 5% in 2014 to 8% in 2015.  
  
*
Hi,  
I have some comments on your essay as follow:  
1. "..." should be change to " a sharp~~ly~~ decrease";  
2. In my opinion, when I take a glance at your second paragraph, it quite hard to recognize the link between the second sentence and the third one. The third one make me quite confused. I think they should be made clearer.  
  
3. You might not mention directly "Group Five". It might be mentioned as Group five accounts for the lowest proportion compared to others or something like that.  
  
I hope they might be beneficial for you!  
Best regards,  
Hung
Hello there..  
  
Let me give you some comments:  
  
**Firstly,** it is about your introduction. I found you did not paraphrase the question. It will be better if you write:  
  
The bar chart illustrates the percentage use of multiple social networking sites in ...  
  
**or**  
  
The bar chart illustrates the percentage of people using multiple social networking sites in ...  
  
you can also change it into passive sentence. For example:  
  
**The percentage use of multiple social networking sites by Canadian in two different years, 2014 and 2015, is illustrated in the chart.**  
  
As it can be seen, it is specifically discuss about the percentage of the use or the people, either for those who do not have any social networking accounts, or use one or even more.  
  
**Next,** When it comes to the overall, you only put one trend which for me, it is too specific. Try to write the general trend while including the language of comparison and changes to your overall. If I were you, I will write at least two sentences.  
  
Let me give you an example:  
  
Overall, majority people in Canada tend to use one social media site compared to the other preferences, and this significantly contrasted to the percentage of people with 5 social sites, which was the lowest one. Also, the figure of users with more than one online social platforms experienced a slight increase in the following year.  
  
Hopefully. those might be beneficial for you.  
  
Best Regard,  
  
WaddahHamzah
## the most preferred Fast Food Inns

  
  
The pie charts present the percentages of the three most preferred Fast Food Inns by youngers in Vietnam and Indonesia, in 2017 and 2027.  
  
Overall, most teenagers in Vietnam and Indonesia took McDonald's as their favorite, while Burger King and KFC are the least preferred ones respectively in those countries. In any case, KFC is predicted to successfully gain more attention from teenagers.  
  
In 2017, most teenagers in Vietnam tended to eat fast food in Burger King with a percentage of 52.8%, whereas it became the lowest in Indonesia. While KFC was the least favored restaurant in Vietnam with only 4.1%, this was different in Indonesia since this held the second-biggest percentage. McDonald's ranked first in Indonesia with 60,8% but second in Vietnam.  
  
Apart from the previous comparison, by 2027, In Vietnam, the figures for McDonalds and KFC are forecasted to rise by 14.3% and 2.2%, however, Burger King is predicted to show the reverse. In Indonesia, the tendency of teenagers to choose McDonald's and Burger King is predicted to plummet to 39.2% and 12.3%. Otherwise, the proportion of teenagers choosing KFC will be doubled to 48.5%.
**Task Achievement:**  
  
Let me start with the introduction. You have successfully paraphrased the rubric, but you need to pay attention to the words chosen, since not all words in the rubric have close meanings, like the word **"Inns"**that cannot be used to replace restaurants.  
  
The overview you wrote did not cover all the feature, since you missed the tenses. In this report, you have two different time frames: past and future. However, I do not see you use appropriate tenses for this report. See this:  
  
Burger King and KFC are  
**Coherence and Cohesion:**  
It seems you have no problem at all in the way you develop the sentence to sentence agreement, but some linking words you use are **inaccurate**. To avoid making repetitive, you need to use more references as to replace the ones you have mentioned.  
  
**Lexical Resource:**  
When it comes to the vocabulary, two-three word combinations are needed as to show the examiner that you can use a natural set phrase being closely. However, some of which you used are not colloquial, like ***held the second-biggest percentage***; ***the tendency of***;***are forecasted to***; ***gain more attention from***; ***respectively***  
  
**Grammatical Range and Accuracy**  
This is the area you need to concern more. Comma splices more often occur in your sentences, although they do not affect the communication. The misuse of however and otherwise appear there.  
  
Hope this helps