dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Question:**  
  
*Each year, the crime rate increases.  
  
What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?*  
  
**Answers:**  
  
Criminal activities were being popular according to crime rate index release by National Police institution. There are great deal of factors affect this fact in behind. Moreover, there are three approaches to drag this problem down with authority policy, education and self-awareness approaches.  
  
Criminal actions were not born yesterday. They lived in entire human history and at this moment, the crime rate has increaseing. one of the factors of this trend is decreasing of morality in our civilization. According to United Nation's wing organization, World Bank reports the data of criminal issues following by decreasing of morality issues in myriad places in this world. Moreover, internet and accessible technology was brought the criminal action in next level. For simple reason that now hacking is the popular criminal action. Everyone can steal the private or top secret information form societies or authority intelligent. Furthermore, not only about cyber-crime but also internet makes everybody more painless to share their thought. Yet at this moment, human being not only shares their notion but also with this manageable social networking, they share about hate-speech. In myriad state regulation in array of countries, it is a criminal.  
  
If we want to drag this problem down; we could act more action. In my opinion we should concern in three approaches to let up this trend. Firstly, there is political will form authority. Government should create more effective regulation to push it down. For example, with policy we make an impact in entire demography, it is advantage over we move solitary. Secondly, education should take a big part to make social-awareness. From it, we gain the neighborhood and feeling to help each other. With social-awareness we can increase our civilization's morality. Finally, the criminal will is not only come from other people, but also coming from our responsibility. We should keep our self-awareness in public area such as social medias and real-life facilities. Respect for one and another is essential behavior to tackle crime.  
  
All in all, crime rate is trend which we cannot avoid yet we can drag this problem down. we can decrease this trend by keeping our morality and our private information. We can push authority to overhaul the regulation more effective to press crime rate. With education approach, we can teach one and another to keep our social-awareness and neighborhood. Last, we keep our self-awareness and respect to another and be good person who uses this accessible information era. Criminal not only comes from other will but also from ourselves too.
Hi Alfa  
Let me give some correction  
  
There ~~are~~is a great deal of factors affect ...  
  
... the crime rate has ~~increaseing~~ increased.  
... morality in our civilization civilisation .  
... Nation's wing organization organisation , World Bank reports ...  
... accessible technology was were brought the criminal action in the next level.  
... or top secret information ~~form~~ from societies ...  
... internet makes everybody more painless to share their thought .  
In my opinion [fnt#FF0000](,) we should concern ...  
Firstly, there is political will form authority .  
For example, with a policy we make (...), it is an advantage over ...  
... self-awareness in public ~~area~~areas such as social medias ...  
... another is essential ~~behavior~~action to tackle crime.  
  
All in all, crime rate is a trend ~~which~~ we cannot avoid ...  
  
... respect to another and be a good person who...  
  
There are several confusing sentences such as more painless to share their thought or political will form authority  
using simple sentence is better, so your reader will easily understand  
thank you...
**Summary of History of Our World in 18 minutes by David Christian**  
  
In some opportunity on TED Talk, scientist David Christian talked about history of this universe. He called this History of Our World in 18 minutes, yet you could not spend 18 minutes to read this summary to understanding entire universe history. Let us look back when the Big Bang was kicked off in almost more of thirteen billion years ago. The exploding of Big Bang was created space, time and temperature; moreover, electro-magnetic and gravity were born combine the hydrogen and helium in almost four hundred year after Big Bang. Accordingly, this fundamental chemical was created a stellar system.  
  
Furthermore, when stars dead and be supernova the made the candidate of planet. One of the almost perfect ingredients and positions as planet is our earth now which stand still in very tiny solar system in entire galaxy. In 4 billion years before today, there is one of organism risen in deep ocean and evolution was happened, moreover. This organism is mother of genetic ourselves history system, as we known is DNA. When the evolution was happened, it created a great deal of species and mostly of them is extinction. While, more of 5 hundred years ago human risen in Africa and they built the civilization in entire place of the earth which they are migrated. Owe to in the fact that Human differs from other species in our earth, on account of in the fact that human is only species has intelligent brain to figure science out and they make the knowledges are legacy for their next generations. It is during to their DNA. Nowadays, there are 7 billion humans breath every moment in this planet.
A Comparison of information about the proportion of happiness from marital status according to their age and spouses that have not and have children is shown in the bar charts. Overall, the level of pleasure for people who married and single no more than half percent and marital status is not extremely affect for oldest people. Meanwhile, Having children under or more than 18 years old or even do not have any children is not tremendous important for happiness of married couples.  
  
Husband and wives around 18 until 29 years old are the happiest at 45%. While, married couples between 50 and 64 years old have the lowest percentage at 40%. In contrast, unmarried people have level of pleasure only 21% from 18 until 29 years old and they feel happiest in the oldest age.  
  
On the other hand, there is no significant influence between having young children and do not have any children. Those percentages of blisfulness are 44% and 43% subsequently. However, spouses that have adult children have smallest proportion of happiness at 41%  
  
*
Hello,  
Hope you doing well, lemme give you some suggestion  
  
... single no more than (a) half percent and (...) extremely affect(ed) for oldest people.  
... not have any children is not ~~tremendous~~ important for (the) happiness of married couples.  
  
In contrast, unmarried people have (a) level of pleasure ...  
  
Those percentages of ~~blisfulness~~(blissfulness) are 44% and 43% subsequently.  
... have adult children have (the) smallest proportion ...  
  
\*writing task 1 is about the comparison, you have to compare the data clearly, not only mention the data. both of body 1 and 2 merely show the percentage.  
  
\*you can use "more than two-fifths (45%)" etc to replace percentage instead  
  
Good luck and keep writing :)
Oxehealth, accompany spun out from the University of Oxford, created a medical device software that can measure heart rate, respiration and blood oxygenation from a distance using camera data. This software has been installed and is being tested at Oxford's main teaching hospital, the John Radcliffe. They asked patients who need an intensive care after surgery to participate in the trial where oxehealth's cameras will monitor their vital signs in parallel with sensors. This software has also been running at London's Metropolitan Police Service and Broadmoor high-security psychiatric hospital in order to make sur someone is safe when they are in a secure room.  
  
This software watches the small changes in video frames as patient breath, for instance. It also tracks subtle changes the colour of patient skin using that to infer patient's pulse. The advantage of The Oxehealth software may come after patients are discharge because both doctors and patients their selves can monitor the illness from home.
Hi Nurul, I hope you can pick up some improvement pointers from the improved version of your essay that I am posting below:  
  
*University of Oxford based company Oxehealth has created a software based vital signs monitoring device. The device can keep track of a patient's heart rate, breathing, and blood oxygen levels through the use of camera data. Installed the John Radcliffe Hospital, Oxford's main teaching hospital, the device is used by intensive care surgery patients. The trial patient's recovery is monitored by cameras that use parallel sensors. The London Police Service and Broadmoor High Security Psychiatric Hospital is also testing the software for use within their secure rooms.  
  
The camera uses the software to track small changes in the video related to the patient's vital signs. It also monitors the patients for changes in skin appearance to help in tracking the patient's pulse. This software is advantageous because it also has a GPS connection that allows the patient's care taker at home, and the doctors, to remotely monitor the patient's progress at home.*
Hello nda18!  
Allow me to give you some suggestion.  
  
1. Typo  
..to make**sur** someone is safe when ...  
  
2. Spelling  
...Police Service and *Broadmoor* high-security psychiatric hospital in...  
You should write, broad moor  
  
3. Sentence structure  
frames as patient breath, *for instance.* It also tracks  
You do not need say for instance, since it is not clear explanation.  
  
I hope it can help you :)
Hi Nurul, I would like to share a few insights to your essay;  
  
- Oxehealth, ~~accompany spun~~a company that spunned out ~~from~~of the University of Oxford,  
- created a medical device, a software that  
- ~~in~~ parallel with sensors.  
- to make ~~sur~~sure~~someone~~it is safe when they ...  
  
- This software ~~watches~~surveys the small changes  
- It also tracks subtle changes in the ~~colour~~color  
- of the patients skin  
- and patients ~~their selves~~ can monitor it themselves in the comfort of their own~~the illness from~~ home.  
  
There you have it Nurul, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and should you need further assistance, do let us know. For future writing reference, mind your sentence construction and make sure that they are transpiring the idea that you are trying to convey to your readers.
**The charts below show the results of a survey on happiness rating for married and unmarried people in the US, and the effect of children on the overall ratings of married couples.**  
  
The charts give information about the percentage of a research on enjoyable ratings for people who have partner and do not have partner in the US and a happiness from married people when they have children or not. Overall, it can be seen that spouse have higher number of happiness at twice than single person. But, for all people, level of happiness is under 50 percent. Besides that, husbands and wives who have teenagers are happier than spouse have young adults.  
  
The happiest people who have partner is 18-29 years old at 45 percent. But for the single person that has age group 65 and more is 34 percent. Furthermore, spouse in 50-64 age group have the lowest percentage of happiness at 40 percent, and unmarried people in the same group-ages and in 18-29 age group at 21 percent.  
  
Husbands and wives who have teenagers have higher ratings at 44 percent for happiness than who have young adults at 41 percent. The second happiest is spouse who have not children at 43 percent. For happiness level in married people who have and do not have children is not much different.  
  
*   
*question*
**Hi Wily..  
I hope these can finalize your writing.  
GOOD LUCK**  
  
who have partner and do not have partner  
*Be careful of paraphrasing. Actually, in the technic of paraphrasing, you must not paraphrase one by one word. When you change structure of the sentence, it is also paraphrasing. be careful of ordering the word. Partner has different meaning with married couple.*  
  
spouse have higher number of happiness at twice than single person  
Happiness is the uncountable noun. Don't use the higher number for the uncountable noun. This is an alternative sentence for your overview.  
*Overall, it can be obviously seen that the married couple in the USA feels happier than the unmarried person.*  
  
But for the single person  
HOWEVER,........  
*You have to remember distinguishing between the conjunction and transitive word. There needs the transitive word after a period.*  
  
at 44 percent for happiness than who have  
at 44 percent for happiness, WHILE THE MARRIED COUPLES have
Hello wil iwiwill wkwkwkwk...  
  
... research on enjoyable ratings for people who have partner and do not have partner  
  
1. Please be careful with the meaning of this. Partner has a wider meaning, not same as the spouse or wife or husband.  
  
For happiness level in married people who have and ...  
2. It is better you add some connector that make it looks more connect with previous sentence because IELTS writing will be better if your idea linked each other. For instance you can add this :  
  
Based on the data happiness level...... // So.... happiness level //// etc  
  
Overall is good, less grammatical error Wil. Keep fighting !!!
Hello willy!  
Allow me to give you some suggestion.  
  
...people **who have partner and do not have partner** in the US and a happiness...  
It is so risk when you use these words to paraphrase, since "partner" have so large mean.  
  
*Besides that, husbands and wives who have teenagers are happier than spouse have young adults.*  
It is not clear conclusion, you have to mention married people who do not have children for full comparison  
  
Keep practice for make it perfect :)
Hi Wily, below are my thoughts on your analysis essay;  
  
- percentage of a research on ~~enjoyable~~enjoyment ratings  
- for people who have partner and those who does not have a partner  
- in the US and ~~a~~the happiness  
- that a spouse have higher number of  
- happiness,~~at~~ twice than a single person.  
- ~~But~~However , for all people,the  
- Besides ~~that~~ , husbands and wives who  
- than the spouse who have young adults.  
  
- The happiest people who ~~have~~has partner  
- ~~But for~~For the single person  
- that has age group 65 and more it is 34 percent. - Furthermore, spouses in 50-64 age group  
- and unmarried people in the same ~~group-ages~~age group and in 18-29 age group at 21 percent.  
  
There you have it Wily, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and should you need further assistance do let us know, we will be here for you.
**Can you give me all your suggestions about this essay and the average score, please.**  
  
From the bar graph, we can see the levels of participation in education and science in poor and rich countries in 1980 and 1990.  
  
Overall, the duration of schooling grew up. In developing countries, the endurance of education increased in 1 year over the decade. As for industrialised ones, it rose from 8 to almost 11 years respectively over the same period.  
  
According to the second graph, the number of Scientist and Technician was much higher in developed countries than the developing countries. The ratio of Scientist and Technician in developing countries per 1000 people both in 1980 and 1990 was below 20, while this increased in 20 rates over the same span in developed countries.  
  
Finally, the third graph represents that the amount spent on Research and Development in reach countries was much higher than the spending in developing countries. In 1980 the spending was around 50 billion US dollars in developing countries while this amount was more than 150 billion US dollars in developed countries. The most noticeable fact is that after 10 years the spending in Research and Development in developed countries was doubled while that amount halved in developing countries.  
  
*
Hi Maximklopunov99, I want you obtain some suggestion from me, here we go  
  
~~From~~According to the bar graph which reporting ~~we can see~~ the levels of participation in ...  
  
... of schooling grew up. moreover, In developing countries,...  
As ~~for~~the industrialised ones, it rose from 8 to ...  
  
futhermore , According to the second graph, (...) and Technician ~~was~~were~~much~~more higher in developed countries ...  
... both in 1980 and 1990 ~~was~~were below 20, while this increased ...  
  
be careful about countable and uncountable phrase  
make sure your grammar, both...and... following by plural.  
  
... and Development in reach countries ~~was~~**were**~~much~~more higher than the spending...  
The most noticeable fact is ~~that~~ after 10 years the spending in (...) in developed countries ~~was~~**were** doubled while that ...  
  
please be careful about "was" for singular subject and "were" for plural subject
IELTS Writing Task 1 : Cambridge Book 5.5 - 6.5 TASK 1 UNIT 7 PAGE 76  
  
These two bar charts provide information about happiness degree in percent related to relationship status and the effect of children appearance in the spouse life in United States. Overall, both of them don't reach fifty percent. It is also shown that connubial people have double happiness than unmarried except 65 and other that don' reach two times.  
  
It is already illustrated that youngest people who already married, have the highest happiness rating at 45 percent. In contrast, 50-64 years old have the lowest value at 40 percent. Both 30-49 and 65 over have the same place at 44 percent. In addition, nonmarital people have almost half exaltation compared with wedded people, except the oldest people that have 34 percent.  
  
There are only slight different of marital people who have pupils or not, so we can conclude that children have little effect to make them happy. It divided into three groups; teenagers under 18, children 18+, and no children. Their percentage are 44 percent, 41 percent, and 43% respectively.  
  
*   
*Image*
**Hi Faiz..  
These are my corrections to finalize yours.**  
  
... about happiness degreeS in percentAGE related to relationship (...) the spouse life in United State~~s~~ . Overall, both of them **don't** DO NOT (Never ever use contraction in the formal writing) reachfifty percent.*(Avoid mentioning detailed information in the overview)* It is also shown that connubial ...  
  
... people who already married~~,~~ have the highest happiness ...  
... people have almost half AS MUCH exaltation compared ...  
  
... people who have **pupils**(Be careful of paraphrasing. Don't change meaning) or not, so we can ...  
  
**Note: You are supposed to reread before you upload. make you sure that what you write is what you mind, especially paraphrasing.**
*please give me your advice to improve my writing..thank you...*  
Q:  
  
**Each year, the crime rate increases.  
What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?**  
A:  
  
The increase of criminal action in some places is one of the most serious problem that people is facing in recent years. This essay will explain the reasons why people tend to do criminal action and discuss some solutions to prevent the rise of it.  
  
There are several predominant factors of crime that usually happen in the middle of society. Firstly, over populated in some urban areas. This is because, villagers who live in countryside want to improve their life by moving to the cities. The villagers usually lack of education and they can not compete with the citizen who have better education. As a result, some people become job less and tend to do everything such as criminal action to full fill their needs there. In addition, bad environment take a major role for making crime. For instance, people who live in bad environment usually make a friend with bad people too, so they can be affected by bad people and tent to do crime. By having so, crime is made by people who have bad habit in their daily life.  
  
On the other hand, there are several steps that government should do to prevent the increase of crime. The first step to prevent this problem is by using transmigration. It means that government should move people who do not have job in that place to a new area. As a result, the population of people in urban area is decreasing and the crime is decreasing too. Secondly, the government should provide more job field in urban areas, so there are no more crime actions in that place. In addition, government should give training to unemployment people to develop their skills. By using that ways, the crime can be reduced well.  
  
In conclusion, although there are several reasons why crime is increasing nowadays, the government has better ways to prevent this problem. It is imperative that people who live in urban areas should support the government, so the crime can be reduced significantly.
is one of the most serious problem**s** that people ~~is~~ facing in recent years.  
  
why people tend to ~~do~~*commit*  
  
The villagers **are** usually lack of education and they ~~can not~~*cannot* compete with the citizen**s** who have better education  
  
~~criminal action~~*you use too many criminal action, use crime instead*  
  
bad environment take**s** a major role for ~~making~~*wrong collocation, committing* crime  
  
and ~~tent~~*tent* to ~~do~~ perpetrate crime
The increase of criminal action ... This essay will explain the reasons why people ..to make better essay, give your thesis statement and write your opinion about what the cause of crime and about the solution.  
  
let me analyze your body paragraph 1:  
over populated (idea) ---> villagers move to the city (is it your reason?) --> villagers lack of education (or this is the main reason why overpopulated make crimes?) ---> job less (effect). your idea is hard to follow as you describe it too rambling.  
  
For instance, people who live in bad [...] have bad habit in their daily life. --> you give illustration here but it does't have any relation to your idea. you mention before that the cause is education/villagers move to the city but in your example you describe that friends or bad people is the cause of crime .