dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## electricity production by fuel source in Australia and France

  
  
The pie charts below show units of electricity production by fuel source in Australia and France in 1980 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.  
  
The presented pie charts compare between Australia and France in terms of electricity production by different resources of fuel in 1980 and 2000.  
  
It can be seen that natural gas was no longer an essential source of electricity in Australia and France in 2000, Although it accounted for 20, 25 of the total electricity production respectively.  
  
Coal was considered by Australia to be a major asset to produce electricity. As in 1980, it made up 50% of total produced electricity. Furthermore, Australia chose to rely on it more in 2000 since it took up nearly three-quarters of the total production.  
  
France major fuel sources to generate electricity were coal and natural gas with 25 units by each. But in 2000, it made a considerable change by choosing nuclear power to be the essential source for electricity as it produced 126 out of 2000 units of electricity.  
  
Although oil was as an important source in France as it generated 25 units in 2000, In Australia, it was barely noticeable when in the same year it generated only 2 units of electricity.  
  
*
You have not given much thought to the analysis of the given information. These are all under developed paragraph presentations. You have not met the long and short sentence requirement of the essay. You have only written run-on sentences, which resulted in questionable, rather than clear, analytical presentations of the information from the image. You must always write at least 3 sentences per paragraph. Maximum of 5 sentences per paragraph. With only 180 words written, you still had the opportunity to further analyze and report on the given information. In other words, your report summary could have been better presented. Try to write at least 200 words next time to help increase your overall score. It isn't enough that you can present the data directly to the reader, you need to be able to better explain the information and expand on it where required as well.
Hello everyone, I hope you can provide me with your feedback.  
  
## IELTS TASK 1 Population in India and China since the year 2000

  
  
The line graph illustrates the amount of China and India's population from 2000 until now and the predicted number up to 2050. Overall, it is very clear that the population in both countries has been rising and will continue growing except Chinese population which will fall afterwards.  
  
At the beginning of the period, the number of Chinese people in China was more than India's population by being 1.200 and 1.000 billion respectively. The figures has been growing up to the moment by having almost 1.500 billion for china and nearly 1.350 billion for India.  
  
In the future, the graph expects that population will continue growing in both countries and it will become about 1.420 by 2030. After 2030, the number of people in China starts declining and it becomes almost 1.400 in 2050. But when it comes to India, the population will continue to grow even after 2030 which exceeds China in that respect. It is expected that India's population will reach almost 1.600 billion in 2050  
  
Note: 163 words  
  
*
There is an error in your topic summary. The information provided covers the year 2000 up to 2050. That means, the graph covers half a century of information. The more accurate explanation for your overview would have been:  
  
*A line graph comparison for the population growth of China and India has been presented. The information covers half a century time span beginning in the year 2000, ending in the year 2050. China is represented by the pink line graph and India, by the purple graph. The information was sourced from the UN population Division covering the medium variant for population growth based on the billions growth measurement. The trend based on the graph indicates that India will have a continuously growing population over the aforementioned time frame while China will experience a population decrease over the same period.*  
  
The first thing you should remember is that all of the information in the chart is there for a reason. It is there for the complete information of the reader. Therefore the summary must indicate the following:  
  
- The topic  
- The comparison points  
- Measurement points  
- Source of information  
- Trending measurement (Optional and may be located within any paragraph in the report summary)  
  
Do this effectively in the first paragraph and you will be sure to score the highest possible TA marks in the test. While your presentation is acceptable, you need to have a keener eye for information. Look for possible information that is not as obvious at first glance. For instance, the overlapping of information that shows how India and China will have an equal number of population count, 1400 billion by the year 2030. While your presentation for that year is acceptable, the overlapping information would have shown that you really took the time to study and observe the graph.  
  
There are no right or wrong approaches to writing the Task 1 essay. There are only more improved versions of writing it so don't worry. As long as you meet all the scoring requirements, you should be fine. Unless of course you write less than the minimum word count in which case, you may not pass the test.
Hi everyone,  
I'm taking the IELTS and I hope to improve my writing skill. Any reply or feedback of contributing purpose will be very meaningful.  
  
**essay**  
  
## exported product valuation

  
The chart illustrates the valuation of one country' exported product over the period of a year from 2015 to 2016.  
It's immediately obvious that most of the figures rose after a year. Additionally, petroleum products were the most valid ones.  
In 2015,exported petroleum products's worth was over 60 billion dollars which made it the most valuable product in the year. The second highest product whose value was just slightly less than the petroleum one is engineered products. Its exportation value was approximately 58 billion dollars. The Value of gem stood lower at relatively 40 billion. Agricultural products valuation was only a half of the petroleum products and the lowest was the textile products.  
  
In 2016, it can be noted that petroleum products experienced a slight increase by 3 percent whereas the engineered products's valuation rose pretty considerably by 8.5 percent . Gem products are the only exported products experienced a small decrease in valuation in this period with a decrease of 5.18 percent. While agricultural products almost stayed the same, the textile ones value significantly rose up to over 30 billion.  
  
*
A better approach to this summary report would have been to use the percentage values as the topic statement for each paragraph. That way, you could have written a more comprehensive comparative report within only 2 paragraphs that always included all of the required information. It would have shown a keener eye for detail and allowed you to create a more appropriate mix of long and short sentences as required by the GRA bracket. Your LR score needs improving as you could not use other similar words to the keywords provided in the graph. Being able to use synonyms will help increase your GRA scores as well. You have spelling errors as well. You used the ownership form of a word when you should have used the plural form (product's (ownership) - products (plural)). You also misused nouns where pronouns were required (ones=one's) and you failed to use a punctuation mark to separate sentences. There are several other correction points in this essay but I feel that it would be too overwhelming for you to hear about at this point. Let's start correcting the simple problems first.
## Birth Rates in China and the USA

  
  
Compare changes in the birth rates of China and the USA between 1920 and 2000. Overall, the graph provided illustrates some astonishingly similarities between the Chinese and the US birth rates during the period from 1920 to 2000. It is clear that both nations experienced significant fluctuations in fertility with lows during the 1940s and highs during 1950s.  
  
During the first two decades, there was a rise of 5 percent from 1920 to 1935 of China's birth rates, then it dramatically dropped to a low of just 5 percent in 1940, this was followed by a sustained growth which reached a peak of 10 percent in 1930. The latter half of the graph, however, brought a sustained declined in this figure.  
  
The US birth rate, mean while, fluctuated at somewhere between 11 and 13 percent prior to 1930, then declining to 5 percent in 1945. 5 years after that, it saw a marked rise in this rate, to somewhere in the vicinity of 15 percent in 1930, followed by a steady fall.  
  
It is worth noting that while the birth rates both countries were very similar until 1950, the gap between them made a distance after this time as fertility in China slid away.  
  
*
The essay is informative and uses the information from the graph in a comprehensive manner. However the first sentence of the summary paragraph appears to have been a cut and paste of the title of the graph. Try to come up with a better presentation next time. One that feels more descriptive in your own words. This one feels like you did not trust yourself to try to come up with a better summary description for the chart. There are word choice errors such as "mean while", which should have been spelled as one word (meanwhile). Don't use memorized words like "provided", go for a synonym like "supplied". Sentence formation errors abound in the essay such as "... astonishingly similarities" instead of "astonishing similarities", and so on. Basically, you have the right understanding and thought process for analyzing the information, it is the grammar accuracy and lexical resource which is flawed.
## IELTS Task 02 Special Talents

  
  
It's generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for music and sport, and others are not. However, it's sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.  
  
Some people believe that special talents are usually accompanied with people from the moment they were born while others support the idea that anyone can be trained to acquire special talents. This essay will discuss reasons behind both views.  
  
On the one hand, some children are noticed to have exceptional skills from a very young age although they were not exposed to any training. such as kids who draw paintings that are as beautiful as those of professional artists. Moreover, many kids show impressive mental skills such as fast problem solving. Such skills are hard to be gained as sharp as the gifted ones have by practice. To illustrate, when those kids compete with others who had distinct training, normally, the kids that were gifted from birth are the winners.  
  
On the other hand, many great talented people declared that hard work and persistence are the main reasons behind their success, Such as Mohammed Ali the professional boxer. Furthermore, most gifted people have mentors on their sides so they get the guidance needed to reach their full potentials and keep a healthy growth. For instance, many professional musicians practice consistently with their mentors to improve themselves and get the admiration of the audience. Additionally, some talented people might choose a path that their talents will not be of a great assistance to them in it and eventually make it for example, remarkable football players who change their careers after retirement and make it by developing new skills that fit their next step.  
  
To conclude, although many people might be born with special talents, practice is the key to perfection. Thus I believe that by passion, hard work, and persistence we can create miracles.
I think that you did use many savvy words such as persistence, declared, miracles and they are great.  
However, you have to rephrase more, use more highly academical words and avoid from reusing 1 word :  
  
"Some people believe that special talents are usually ..." >>>>>> While some individuals advocate that unique talents are frequently accompanied with innate, special abilities, the others oppose that everyone can be trained to absorb the savvy, sophisticated talents.  
  
=> the word 'special' is used twice  
  
You should give more explanation for your examples such as :  
Mohammed Ali, the professional boxer, who had to endure many difficulties in life, for instance.  
Do not give an example and change to the new one without explanation  
  
Besides, you wrote 331 words. For me, this number is quite high. Great one is approximately 260.
This is another example of a 5 paragraph essay that became tangential in response because of a misrepresentation of the original prompt. The instruction is as follows:  
  
*OP: Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.  
YP: This essay will discuss reasons behind both views.*  
  
You turned the 3 body paragraph discussion into a 2 paragraph discussion because you discussed both points of view from your private perspective. That private perspective was implied because you said you would discuss both points of view. You never said you would offer your own opinion after the required comparison discussion. The personal point of view cannot be included as a single sentence in the conclusion since the conclusion is the reverse summary of the body of paragraphs. Unfortunately, that is what you did in this essay, so the essay will have several mark downs all around.
## personal information during work recrutation

  
  
*Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interest, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.*  
  
Nowadays, more and more employers require interviewees to fill in their personal information, which includes hobbies and even relationship status in the job application form. Some people think it is unnecessary and useless, but I believe that it will benefits to the company in some extent, and employers should not make it compulsory.  
  
In some circumstances, data collection do have vantage to the business. Managers can get some basic ideas of what the new employee like or dislike from the application form. For instance, a welcome lunch with vegan food is prepared for a vegetarian fresher. Besides of daily communication level, unnecessary conflict could be avoided if employers are more familiar with their employees. A better job allocation, such as emergency duties may cause over working time are distributed to staff who do not come home on time to take care their children. Lastly, employers may conduct some group activities to staff according to their interest, a friendly and relaxing working environment benefit for both parties.  
  
However, although data collection shows many pros, some people dislike to disclosure their personal information to employers. They argue that such information is irrelevant and useless to their job duties, and it is purely personal things which is very privately. Most of them, especially for woman who does not willing to discover their martial status, what they want to do in their leisure time to someone who not familiar with.  
  
In conclusion, providing personal date may bring profits to the company development and also the staff, but employers should make it as optional for the applicants who decide their own choice.
The paraphrasing in the first paragraph is incomplete. You omitted the paraphrase of the original instruction, which made your essay tangential in response. A more appropriate paraphrase would have been:  
  
*Personal data is now part of the information gathered from job applicants. This information is believed by some to be necessary in the future should the applicant be hired by the company. However, others oppose the collection of such data and believe it should be an optional part of the candidate's information sheet. . By analyzing both public points of view, I hope to form my own opinion regarding the usability of the said material.*  
  
From there, the body of paragraphs discussion should have been (in no particular order for the pro and con discussion) :  
  
Body 1 - Pro  
Body 2 - Con  
Body 3 - Personal point of view  
Conclusion  
  
This is a 5 paragraph essay as per the instructions so more than 250 words should be written. At least 300 words will be needed to discuss should a prompt instruction.
***Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations.*  
  
## Discuss both views.**  
  
People have been for years pondering whether it is better to put up with or struggle to find out solutions for problems without reaching any definite conclusion. As far as I am concerned, we should consider the pros and cons of both ways and decide depending on particular situation.  
  
On the one hand, when people face with unsatisfactory situations like losing interests at workplace, they apparently opt for giving up that job. This is often because their working purpose is happiness but not money so they find no need to stay at that company anymore. In reality, sometimes knowing when to stop helps people feel calmer and more prepared for new coming opportunities. Otherwise, they might get even more upset and depressed if a lot of efforts in a second try still fail.  
  
On the other hand, unyielding as modern humans are, finding ways to overcome disappointing conditions is considered to be more effective. Although attempt does not guarantee success, it makes people feel like they have tried their utmost and would not regret rather than doing nothing. They can also learn from mistakes and get experience from this process. People are being forced to think and get out of their comfort zones. For example, Thomas Edison ultimately managed to invent light bulb after more than 1000 times trying. If he had given up just after one or two first attempts, the world we live today would not exist. Moreover, succeeding in difficult tasks after making great efforts gives people sense of accomplishment. That will become a huge motivation for the next chances they come across in the future.  
  
In conclusion, both has its own advantages but I tend to gravitate towards striving to change the situation. Not only does it help people explore their ability but it also enhances problem-solving skills.
You have not properly discussed the given topic. Neither did you properly respond to the task requirements. Look at the following:  
  
*OP: Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations.  
  
YP: People have been for years pondering whether it is better to put up with or struggle to find out solutions for problems without reaching any definite conclusion.*  
  
In this instance, your paraphrase of the given topic is incorrect. Next, we should compare the discussion instructions:  
  
*OP: Discuss both views.  
  
YP: ... we should consider the pros and cons of both ways and decide depending on particular situation.*  
  
The discussion you should have presented, based on the original prompt should have been based on the ideas presented in the essay. Nowhere in the OP were you asked to discuss the pros and cons, nor were you asked to give a personal opinion. When asked to present both views, the body of paragraphs should only use 2 paragraphs representing:  
  
*1. Should a person simply accept a bad situation. If yes/no, why?  
2. Should a person try to improve a bad situation? If yes, how? If no, why?*  
  
The TA score will rely heavily on your English comprehension skills. Fail to understand what the prompt requires of you and you will risk getting a low mark in the test.
## benefits and drawbacks of gaming

  
  
**Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that video games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?**  
  
Many people, especially children, are really into video games. While some people argue that these kind of game are harmless and just for fun, or even can be used for educational purposes, I still hold the belief that the advantages of video games are overshadowed by their disadvantages.  
  
On the one hand, it is true that a lot of children play computer games in their free time for the reason that they are more interesting and attractive than real-life recreational activities. From educational perspective, through playing video games, gamers or users can promote their imagination, creativity, as well as concentration, logical thinking and problem solving, all of which are extremely beneficial for them outside of the gaming context. Besides, some computer simulation games that require gamers to drive a car or ride a motorbike are likely to help them to be more confident and competent when doing so in the real life.  
  
On the other hand, I still believe that the drawbacks video games bring to the users outweigh their benefits as mentioned above. One of the most common disadvantages related to these games is the high level of addiction. Computer games usually provide people with scores, tasks and even rewards to keep them playing. Therefore, it is common to see that people, especially children, spend hours in the virtual world, trying to play more and more, to get higher scores than their friends. This can eventually lead to the lack of sleep and serious problems at school, as homework is sacrificed for a few more hours on the computer. Besides, sitting for a long time in front of a screen and being lack of exercise may result in particular health issues. These days, there has been a rapid increase in the number of children who are suffering from obesity and other health problems related to computer games.  
  
In conclusion, although video games do bring some benefits to the gamers, I still agree that their potential drawbacks outweigh their good effects.
Try to never repeat keywords from the original prompt in your paraphrase. The reason behind that is that you want to increase your LR score by using synonyms to express yourself, Using the same keywords, such as harmless and fun, even if used in different areas of the same paragraph can be considered memorized words or phrases, which will have a direct effect on the lowering of your LR and GRA scores. You must also try to avoid the overuse of the comma to increase your C&C score. Your reliance on commas instead of periods to separate your thoughts and discussions will lower your C&C and GRA scores. Show the examiner that you can explain yourself clearly using a mix of long and short sentences. Avoid run-on sentences so that you can get a better scoring consideration for the aforementioned scoring sections.
I think you should avoid from using the phrases '' as mentioned above" or "into something'' because i find them quite informal and you can easily find the synonymous phrases which are more formal and academical.  
  
furthermore, you should mention more specific examples( optional) because you can easily use highly sophisticated words by giving fake information.  
For example, according to Times magazine's statistic, 65% video game addicts cannot receive graduating certificate and 2% of them are illiterate