dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hi Fadhil,  
  
I would like to give you some feedback related to grammatical range and accuracy because I think the content of your essay has already well-developed. I hope you can follow through.  
  
1st paragraph:  
- Overall, it can be seen that in the relation at work, there ~~are~~weredistinctions in data of all (...) the questionnaire ~~between 2005 and 2009,~~(comma is unnecessary if it wasn't for contrasting something) while the differences (...) recognized ~~in those years~~between 2005 and 2009.(I think that mentioning the year "twice" is redundant)  
  
2nd paragraph:  
- ...almost three ~~by four of~~of four employees ~~are~~were very satisfied in working (...) shown by the increase~~increasing~~ of ~~answer~~ "very good" answers from 61 percent to ...  
  
... was not present in the data. (stop here, new sentence)In consequence, there ~~would be~~was an increase in all categories of answers in 2009 for instance, "don't have supervisor" ~~increases~~increased from 1% to 5%. (Please, be more careful in composing "complex sentence". Complex sentence is not necessarily this long. This often leads to inaccuracies and confusing structure. This can possibly drag your band score down to 5.0.)  
  
As you can see, tenses inappropriateness still exist in your essay. By considering the above-mentioned feedback, I am sure that your writing will be better. Good luck for the next practice :)
Hi Fadhil  
Let me give you some correction  
  
... at work, there ~~are~~(is a) distinction in data of all (...) differences of replies also ~~recognize~~(recognise) in those years.  
  
... employees are very satisfied ~~in~~with working with their chief, which ~~were~~was shown by increasing of an ` answer "very good" ...  
.., the replies of 'no answer" ~~was~~were not present in the data...  
  
Thank you...
Tardigrades (Ramazzottius varieornatus),water bear, is the most toughest creatures on the planet, which can survive in extreme condition such as radiation-contaminated territory. Normally, the habitat of this animal is moss, yet surprisingly it also can survive in vacuum space either high pressure area such as trench or extreme temperature. Research nowadays has exposed the adequate justification related to that case. This because of remarkable genetic material property called bizzare protein (Damage suppressor) corresponds to the shields of Their DNA. The genetic-regulated Material would be incredibly secured by this element without disturbing the DNA it self. This shield will also mop up the DNA-harming chemicals. This research was conducted by Takekazu Kuneida and his team. Kuneida's teams have identified the proteins and were directly tested in term to prevent human kidney cells from X-ray radiation prior the proteins were also modified. Thus, this proteins sufficiently protect and improve the immunity of human body toward radioactivity.
...,water bear, is the ~~most~~ toughest creature~~s~~ on the planet, [NO NEED COMMA] which can survive in AN extreme condition such as IN radiation-contaminated territory.  
  
... of this animal is IN moss, yet surprisingly it also can survive ...  
~~Research nowadays~~ THE RECENT RESEARCH has exposed the adequate ...  
This IS because of remarkable genetic (...) (Damage suppressor) WHICH corresponds to the shields of Their DNA.  
~~This~~ THE RELATED research was conducted by Takekazu ...  
Kuneida's team~~s~~~~have~~ HAS identified the proteins ~~and were~~ WHILE directly tested in (...) radiation prior TO the proteins THAT were also modified. Thus, ~~this~~ THESE proteins sufficiently protect ...  
  
**OVERALL, despite of some mistakes, your writing has become better. Good luck**
A research in Denmark conducts a study for more than 1 million women and adolescent girls about their birth control. As the result, It shows that birth control has effect which is related with mood. Such as, pills and other types of contraception, which are potentially increasing the risk of depression. Furthermore, scientists from university of Copenhagen also have been performed a research for more than 1 million women ages between 15 and 34, based on two groups, users and nonusers of hormonal contraceptives. As the result, they found that women who using combination of contraception were likely to have been prescribed an antidepressant, so it makes the risk more high rather than nonusers. Therefore, this knowledge is important for women, in particular teenage girls to know about factors that related to this problem. And doctors also should have to socialize about this potential risk for their patient.
A research in Denmark conducts a study for more than 1 million women and adolescent girls about their birth control.  
A research institute in Denmark conducted a study involving more that 1 million women and adolescent girls about their birth control  
  
... that birth control has ~~effect which is related with mood~~ INFLUENCED BY MOOD. BESIDES, ~~Such as,~~ IT IS ALSO RELATED WITH pills (...) of contraception [NO NEED COMMA] which ~~are~~ potentially increasE the risk of depression.  
  
~~Furthermore~~ AT THE SAME TIME/IN ADDITION, scientists from university (...) have ~~been~~ performed a research ~~for~~ WITH more than 1 (...) between 15 and 34, ~~based~~ DIVIDED on two groups,(...) contraceptives, AS PARTICIPANTS. ~~As the result,~~ they found that women who usE A combination of (...), so it makes the risk ~~more high~~ HIGHER rather than nonusers.  
  
... in particular ~~teenage~~ YOUNG girls to know about factors ...  
And [AVOID STARTING SENTENCE WITH 'AND'] doctors also should have ...
**Internet-based social networking sites are designed to help bring people together. However, they have a negative effect on the way we communicate with one another.  
  
Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Social media on the Internet is getting improved so as to make most people around the world can communicate effectively. Having said that, it has an adverse impact on the adolescent communication pattern with one another such hating an actor and verbal bullying for them. I personally agree that social media brings negative effect on adolescent behavior such as lack of pupil's ability in face-to-face communication and increases the amount of verbal bullying in aged 14-18 years old.  
  
The most notoriety of social media is Facebook although such the Internet brings negative impact to pupil's ability in direct communication. Which is because many pupils using Facebook as a crutch to hide behind and feel more safety than talk directly. In 2015, Dargo Emily conducted research and published in the Elon Journal of Undergraduate Research in Communications. It suggested that the Internet such social media have decreased on both the quality and quantity of face-to-face communication. More than 62% of sample from students in the higher education agreed that they can make more conversation on the social media than talking directly. Which happened because they can hide behind the Facebook and express more emotion.  
  
In addition, using Instagram, increases the amount of verbal bullying in among the students. This is because many adolescent in higher education have occasion to hate such actors or their rivals, they would not dare to say their comments in social media due to their insecurities. They push down others to be more stressful and lower of self-esteem. In 2010, the psychologist found out that 50% on social media such as Facebook, Instagram, Twitter have many bullying contents which were caused by haters. The pupils who hate others by verbal violence came from the most students in higher education. It is very harassed because which is influenced the increasing of psychological symptoms.  
  
In conclusion, social media such as Facebook, Intagram, and others bring not only positive impact but also adverse effect. In particularly, drawbacks such Facebook brings many adolescents have lower ability to make face-to-face conversation than the past while others such an verbal bullying on Instagram have increased significantly.
Hi Fadhila  
Let me give you some correction  
  
... social media brings (a) negative effect on adolescent ~~behavior~~(behaviour) such as lack ...  
  
More than 62% of(the) sample from students in ...  
  
This is because of many ~~adolescent~~(adolescents) in higher education ...  
... found out that 50% ~~on~~of social media such as ...  
... media such as Facebook, ~~Intagram~~instagram , and others bring not ...  
... while others such ~~an~~a verbal bullying on Instagram have ...  
  
Thank you...
Economic controls the world. That first sentence in this summary perhaps only a sentence, yet some people believe that not only a sentence but also it is happened. In this April, the world was surprised by a company of media around the world which held the investigation about myriad firm which create tax pathology in economic anomaly. We called this terrible happening is Panama Papers. It was being biggest document investigation in modern human history with all data spend 2.6 TB, by compare with Wikileaks is more a houndred times. It is dreadful.  
  
Gerard Ryle, who leads this investigation, bite a fire and contact more than 76 medias in around 76 countries to join this investigation. He told us about how the journalist could change the system which controlled our world in TED. The company of media called themselves are The International Consortium Investigative Journalist or other word we called ICIJ. The ICIJ slated the investigation to from 2015 until 2016 in underneath of public.  
  
The Panama Papers leaking out myriad of public figures, businessman, footballers, and many public authorities that want to black out their tax doubt. It had massive impact in more than 76 countries. One of them is created wave of protest in Iceland taking into consideration the fact that the Prime Minister of Iceland whose have name in the file and hide he and his family tax in Panama's firm. Ryle labeling this as new era of journalism.
Hi alfa,  
I have some advice for you  
  
- ... a sentence but also it ~~is happened~~**happens**  
- ... myriad firm which create**s** tax pathology in **the** economic anomaly.  
- by ~~compare~~**comparing** with Wikileaks ~~is~~ more **than** a ~~houndred~~**hundred** times.  
- ... called themselves ~~are~~ The International (...) or other word**s** we called ICIJ.  
  
Hope it helps :)
Hello  
You have a good summary  
I have some corrections  
  
***Economic controls the world***. That first sentence (...) not only a sentence but also *~~it is~~ happened*. In ~~this~~ April, the world was surprised by a ~~company of~~ media around (...) myriad firm**.**~~which~~ It is create tax pathology ...  
  
It was being **the**biggest document investigation in (...) with Wikileaks is more a ~~houndred~~ hundred times.***It is dreadful.***  
  
You have explain the first sentence and last sentence in the first paragraph clearly and totally.  
You can added introduction in the first paragraph.
Speaking of trust, Pamela Meyer, an author of a book entitled *Lie Spotting: Proven Techniques to Detect Deception, presented some truth about lying*. According to her, *truth number one*is *lying is a cooperative act*, that a liar has no power towards the utterance, this might affect someone when he/she agrees to believe. People are willing to give everything for whatever they are eager to. Thus, the best way to avoid deception is by recognizing the blind side and establishing appropriate preventions due to the fact that a good liar knows exactly how to trap the victims.  
  
*Truth number two*is *people are against lying but covertly for it*, since lying is a part of humans' history. A person starts lying in a very early age. Babies tend to fake a cry only for looking attention, while a one-year old learns to conceal a bluff. Then, a five-year old is able to manipulate the situation by flattering whereas a nineteen-year old can be a master of cover-up. This is continuously happened until the end of the world because everyone makes mistakes and utilizes almost the same techniques for covering. As a quote by Donald Rumsfeld, a former Secretary of Defense of the United States says: "There are known *unknowns*. That is to say, we know there are some things we do not know, but there are also unknown *unknowns*, the ones we do not know *we do not know*."
Hey There  
I am please to read this great essay, even so, i would like to give you some corrections, namely:  
  
According to her, ~~truth number oneis~~ one, truth number one; lying is a cooperative act (2 times be verbs [is] ), that a liar ...  
... and establishing appropriate prevention~~s~~ due to the fact that ... (Since this paragraph the next paragraph is the further explanation so it is better to combine it into one paragraph )  
  
Truth numbertwo is people are against lying but ~~covertly~~ cover (Once two words are linked by Or/but/and it should be in same structure ) ~~for~~ it, since lying is ...  
  
**Pay attention for sentence coherency, miss spelling**  
Thanks  
Hope it is useful  
Best Regard  
Ifan
The Hurricane Matthew, which categorize as 4 type storm swept away southwestern coast of Haiti on Tuesday. The wind went directly to north Cuba and eastern coast of Florida with the maximum speed of 145 mph, where bring about 15-25 inches of rain, announced by a meteorologist from U.S. National Hurricane Center in Miami. He predicted that the storm made the East Coast beaches in hazardous condition. This was officially proved by the people who observed the roaring winds and massive waves sweeping the coast beaches in Port Salut. In addition, there was a report victim of tornadoes at least three people.  
  
time..../4517725/hurricane-matthew-landfall-haiti/?xid=homepage  
Cited on: 2016 16 Oct
Hello Fadhil.  
when you summarize an article or a video, you should give an introduction sentence about resource where you take it.  
These are my thoughts for your summary  
  
The Hurricane Matthew~~, which~~ categorizeD as 4 type storm ...  
... maximum speed of 145 mph~~,~~ . FOLLOWING THAT, IT BRINGS ~~where bring~~ about 15-25 inches of rain...  
... made the East Coast beaches in A hazardous condition.  
... a report ABOUT victimS of tornadoes at least three people.
**Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school or university.  
Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this.  
Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.**  
  
There are advice that teenagers should reach a job before continuing to study in school or university. In my opinion, taking job for a few years before studying has possibility which is useful and disagreeable.  
  
It is clear that teenagers should reach a job before studying in school or university because it help them to have much experiences, increased ability and skill, even more creating money when they have receive a job before those continue to study. Base on my experience, teenagers will accept money and able to pay budgeting of education by their own money when they are working. Besides, they will be easy to look for job because those have already experience in working before.  
  
On the other hand, some teenagers will feel comfort when those have got a job. It does not good news for their education because they do not want to continue studying. Those all caused by their work which make them comfort to keep working and money which they obtain by work so that they feel do not to need to continue studying. It is also influence by their perspective that someone can earn money without high level education. Thus they argue that they will not continue to study while they have got a job because they have known how to earn money as well as most people say that we get high education for earning money.  
  
To conclude, some teenagers can have several benefit such as getting good experience, improving ability, and creating money by working but it should be remembered that those make them inattentive so that they feel not to need education.
Hello  
  
Your text will sound much more professionally written if you apply the following adjustments to it:  
  
~~There are~~ [...] *Some people believe that teenagers should apply for a job, before*...  
before studying [...] *should indeed prove very useful.*  
It is clear that [...] you should consider breaking this sentence in two to make it more intelligible.  
Base*d* on my experience [...] *teenagers will benefit in a number of different ways from being employed*.  
~~Besides~~ [...] *It will also make it much easier for them looking for a job in the future.*  
On the other hand [...] *being employed may cause teenagers to assume that there is no need for them to continue with their studies. In its turn, this will make it make harder for them to be able to attain social prominence when adults.*  
  
~~Those all~~ [...] there is no need for the next two sentences - they are redundant and poorly constructed .  
some teenagers [...]*will indeed be able to benefit from having a job...*  
  
I hope this will help. Regards.
## Social Interaction Through Social Networking

  
  
**Internet-based social networking sites are designed to help bring people together. However, they have a negative effect on the way we communicate with one another. Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
The way people communicate via the Internet is undoubtedly beneficial in which they can interact one another even in far distance. However, I would argue that this method is the primary factor of weakening social bond among people in their real lives and it can be a breakdown of several relationships.  
  
Social networking is the leading cause why individuals become lack of interaction among family members. This is because people who are addicted to surfing on social media canals such as Facebook, Twitter or Telegram become more insensitive in the reality. Obviously, Bong Seon Hwa, a young Korean mother, had a tragic accident last year when she was enjoyable to chat with her friends in Facebook but she forgot to take care of her baby. This resulted in the daughter falling from the bed and suffering serious fracture on his backbone. However, a number of overseas students use video conference to keep in touch with their families intensively.  
  
There are cohort married couples getting misunderstandings related to statements submitted in the social networking. The reason is there is not facial expression or gestures which can confirm their definite feelings and intentions. A 2010 survey by Pew Research Center reveals that 65 percent of American couples using digital applications to communicate each other acknowledged that posting photos with colleagues in Instagram can drive in jealous and long-standing dispute with their partners. It is clearly that social networking can ruin harmonious relationships.  
  
In conclusion, while it is generally true that social networking facilitate people to interact with their far relatives more easily, but it can cause considerable disruptions in their relationships. Hopefully, citizens use the Internet wisely to communicate both with their virtual and real lives.
Hi Ilmy.  
I am pleased to read your essay because you have understood about the systematic of the essay.  
In this moment, I focus on contents of your essay. Meet my notes and deal with them.  
  
the Internet is undoubtedly beneficial in which they can interact one  
the Internet is undoubtedly beneficial BECAUSE they can  
*(Use proper words to describe what you mind)*  
  
You forget to paraphrase the statement that Internet-based social networking sites have a detrimental mental. A closer look at your essay reveals you directly enter in the thesis statement, whereas it is one of edges in the topic.  
  
more insensitive in the reality. Obviously, Bong Seon Hwa, a young Korean mother,  
This has a bad flow. You should finalize your sentence to make it smoother.  
MORE INSENSITIVE IN THE REALITY. THE EFFECT CAN BE OBVIOUSLY SEEN IN AN ACCIDENT IN KOREA WHERE BONG SEON HWA AS A YOUNG MOTHER.....  
Make sure yourself that it is like in your mind  
  
However, a number of overseas students use video conference ...  
HOWEVER, THE SOCIAL NETWORKING WEBSITES ARE HARNESSED BY A LARGE NUMBER OF STUDENTS TO MAKE A VIDEO CONFERENCE SO THAT THEY CAN KEEP IN TOUCH WITH THEIR FAMILIES EASILY.  
  
heir far relatives more easily, but it can cause considerable disruptions in their relationships  
You should mention the disruptions what you meant and explained in the body paragraph although those are only describe by one-two words.  
  
OVERALL, IT IS A GOOD JOB
**Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university.  
Discuss what advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this.  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.**  
  
Teenagers get advices by older people to have job before entering university, which does have benefits and drawbacks to their life. The experience of working and store money for the higher education are the major benefits that can be obtained by them, while the competition in getting job and irrelevant salary are the cons.  
  
After the graduation from high school, the students have obligation either to directly go to work or continue to higher education in university. Meanwhile, they should searching and gaining experience before proceed to advanced education which can only be afforded by getting to work. In addition, by prioritizing the work before continue to next level of their education, they can save a lot of money which in turned to be used to pay their studies. It is not a wrong decision to work before their studies, hence it may support their studies later on.  
  
On the contrary, they should also consider the consequences of getting early employment, competition between qualified candidates for job and unfair salaries among employees. As they just finish their high school and search for job, the probability of having occupation become narrow down in consequence of tight qualification. Furthermore, the amount of salary are not equal between them and qualified job seekers. Thus, the number of experiences as well as the educational background are determination of this problem.  
  
In summary, the students who decide to work earlier have to consider the competitors between job hunters and unequal amount of salary they may received later, even though they can still get many job experiences and keep the money for their next stages of education. After all, it is their decision to make.
Hi Fadhil  
Let me give you some correction  
  
Teenagers get ~~advices~~(piece of advice) by older people to have (a) job before entering ...  
... while the competition in getting(a) job and irrelevant ...  
  
... the students have (an) obligation either to ...  
Meanwhile, they should ~~searching~~(search) and gaining experience ...  
In addition, by ~~prioritizing~~(prioritising) the work before ~~continue~~(continuing) to next level ...  
  
...between qualified candidates for (a) job and unfair ...  
... and search for (a) job, the probability ...  
Furthermore, the amount of salary ~~are~~(is) not equal between ...  
... the educational background are (the) determination of this problem.  
  
...unequal amount of salary they may (be) received later.  
  
Thank you...