dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Zhang, this is only a partial response to the essay topic. The reason it is only partial is because there is a focus on animal testing in the medical setting, but not in the product safety testing phase. Thus you discussed only one section of the essay prompt. Additionally, you are not discussing the essay in the 2 points of view then personal opinion presentation. This essay has the read and feel of a personal point of view presentation only. As such, you will not get a passing score in terms of task accuracy. The concluding paragraph is never to be used as a continuation of the essay discussion. It must only summarize the given discussion. This being your first essay presentation here, I can tell you that there is major room for improvement in your work. You need to understand how to write these essays through examples. Read the sample essays and advice given at this forum, you will be sure to learn about how to properly approach and discuss these essays from the advice given to the others here.
@Holt  
Thank you for your advice!  
  
So for this prompt, can i use the following structure:  
1. Paraphrase and give my own opinion  
2. Advantages  
3. Disadvantages  
4. My own opinion  
5. Conclusion  
  
@sfiza  
Yes, the paraphrasing in this essay is not clear at all. I will definitely manage to do that next time!
exam is coming soon.!! please help me  
*is it right format, which part i need to more develop to make it a very good letter*  
  
**Please evaluate my letter based on criteria with band score.**  
**Thanks very much for your time.**  
  
**Every year your company organizes a sports event for a local community, but this year they can't do it. Write a letter to your local newspaper about this. In your letter  
  
- Express your feelings about missing the sports event  
- Tell them about your plans for next year  
- Explain how this sports event is useful**.  
  
## Letter to my company

  
  
Dear Sir or Madam,  
  
I am writing to express my regret on behalf of STA Bank Limited that we are not going to arrange the local football competition this year because of unavoidable reason.  
  
The event is mainly organized to involve young people in sports as they really enjoy taking part in this . We are also proud of being part of this. Now we feel extremely regretful for our inability to continue with the annual competition.  
  
Due to facing financial obligations, we have decided not to support the event this year. Now we are committed to relaunch it in the next year. We have already allocated a healthy amount to plan the competition.  
  
The event is essential for young to keep sound health. Ultimately they will be the future leaders of our extended corporation as well as our nations.. If they are deprived from getting such opportunities, this might bring detrimental impact on their overall development. Thus, we will never get a charismatic leaders. That is why our company arranges this event considering such social benefits.  
  
I look forward to an exciting event next year.  
  
Yours' faithfully,  
  
Purba Hossain  
Senior Officer, STA Bank Limited
This is my first reply on this thread, therefore, kindly pardon me if my criticism and corrections and not up to the mark.  
As i was going through the letter I felt incoherence. It feels like you are jumping from being regretful for not being able to arrange the even and shedding light on the importance of the event.  
  
You can start the letter by writing something about how amazing last year's football even was, arranged by your company and then you can move onto describing the financial constraints keeping you from arranging this year's event. In my opinion starting a letter or any article with an outright negation does not look good, it puts the reader in a bad mood.  
  
Then you can move on to describe the importance of sports for youth and for the community, the sportsman spirit which it brings. Moreover, it gives the community a chance to sit together and enjoy some quality time in a healthy way. After this you can describe the steps which your company is taking to ensure the arrangements for next year's event.  
  
Regards
You need to stop putting a title for your letters. The IELTS test does not require you to give a title or essays that you write. Just start writing at once because titles will be deducted from your word count, which could affect the way that you present the essay or letter. Just begin the discussion, don't turn it into a class essay that requires a title. Next, you do not "write to express my regret" rather you "write to express the regret that STA Bank Limited will not be hosting its annual football competition this year." Nobody cares if you regret not hosting the event, it is the company that should be throwing it and you, as the representative of the company, should represent the collective, not individual regret. Learn to figure out the difference.  
  
In a company letter, is always the company speaking through a representative. You need not explain why the company is not hosting the event. Anything you say as the representative of the company will be a direct reflection of its image. When you quote financial concerns, the public might think the company is losing money and that will cause a pull out of investors. I cannot believe that you are so careless as to make such statements. Read the instructions as you write the letter. Do no place information that is not part of the instructions. You should have removed that statement in the letter because you were not instructed to write that.  
  
You are showing an increasing lack of ability to follow English based instructions in this letter with that tremendous mistake of yours. Had this been an actual company letter, you could have lost your job. Then, you did not really explain how the event will come back even better next year. You could have used that explanation as the omission of this year's game instead. That would have been more upbeat and positive, thus helping the company image, not destroying it.
## antibiotics, airplane, or computers? the crucial invention

  
  
You will have 20 minutes to plan, write and revise an essay about the topic below. Your response will be judge on how well you develop a position, organize your ideas, present supporting details, and control the elements of standard written English. You should write 200-300 words.  
  
*What do you think is the most important invention for the past 100 years; antibiotics, airplane, or computers? And why?*  
  
In the 21st century, a number of inventions have been released and all of them play a vital role in societies. However, the advent of computers appears to be of paramount importance as they allow mankind to stay in touch with one another and decompress through playing video games. Consequently, I am truly of opinion that computers are the most pivotal inventions for the last 100 years and therefore will be pleased to discuss reasons behind this opinion.  
  
To begin with, computers like mobile devices provide people with an ongoing opportunity to stay in touch with their friends and relatives, resulting in them being less lonely and depressed. This is not at all surprising, considering the fact most individuals are preoccupied with their own affairs in real life which mean the only way for them to actually socialize is through their electronics. For example, a survey conducted at the University of Sydney found a positive correlation between the use of electronic devices for socializing and participants' happiness levels. As a result, computers are the most important inventions in this world.  
  
Furthermore, these electronics allow their users to decompress through playing computer games which can be beneficial for those who would like to relax. This is quite understandable as video games have proved to be one of the most effective medicine for stress. For instance, a group of researchers conducted an experiment only to find out that playing games can lead to reduced stress levels. Hence, computers are probably the greatest invention for the last decade.  
  
In conclusion, having discussed the significance of computers, it can be firmly concluded that they are the best instruments that world's scientists have invented so far. As a corollary, I maintain that computers are the best inventions due to their significant health benefits.  
  
My target is 79
Hi Peter,  
The quality of an academic essay is measured by its complexity; how cogent and concrete are the ideas and supporting examples presented.  
Your ideas are simple, and I believe that you can come up with more important ones, about the benefits of computers.  
Avoid repeating the same ideas, and if you could not, then, rephrase them with other words.  
Do not mention reasons in the first paragraph, instead try to focus on developing your position; give a general overview about the latest inventions, and how they affect our life in many aspects, and then mention your position. Keep the reasons for the essay's body.  
  
In the conclusion, restate your reasons and position.  
Finally, revise your conjunctions and punctuation book.  
  
All the best,
*Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days a week for shorter hours. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.*  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
## the system of work

  
  
Working hours is always a hot issue regarding the labor law. It can change people's lifestyle and how people perceive it. Some people argue that work three days a week for long hours is more preferable than working straight five days for shorter time frame while others assert differently. In my opinion, I disagree with the statement that working for shorter days but relatively longer hours could be enjoyable.  
  
First, people can do limited wise and effective decisions per day. Working three days but long hours means making critical calls frequently within a short time. According to a scientific research, one can make only a certain amount of smart decisions within a day because people have limited energy to consume. Once exceed that amount, those problems one has to solve might not get the best results and no one wants bad consequences especially for whom has to deal with business. Take Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook's CEO, as an example. He has to make up to hundreds of decisions every day and most of it is tied to the future of Facebook. He also knows this rules, saving the effort for the real matters matters, so he wears the same outfit every day for work, helping him focuses on the important problems from the beginning of the day. Considering the fact that Facebook is the major market player in the social platform, Mark Zuckerberg is doing well along the way. This example proves that long working hours is not preferable.  
  
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This is my very first post and all comments are welcomed. The reason why I am here is that I didn't reach my target score in TOEFL writing and really want to improve writing skills through your help and comments. Thank you.
Dear,  
you are welcomed.  
  
Working hours is always  ~~a hot issue~~ informalword for academic test regarding the labor law.  
( poor introduction)  
  
first of all, you need to understand the prompt. Then you have to paraphrase it with the help of synonyms or different structures of sentences making.Finally you give your pinion about it. you write body para 2 or 3 body instead of only one. then it would be reader friendly as well as proper format of writing.  
  
First, people can do limited wise ... unclear topic sentence  
Working three days ~~but~~ withlong hours means ... just write your thought clearly.  
... certain amount of ~~smart~~ less formal word decisions within ... its too long , break it in two sentences.  
~~Take~~ Mark ~~Zuckerberg, Facebook's CEO~~, ~~as~~ an example. ~~He~~  Zuckerberg, Facebook's CEO has ~~to~~ ~~make~~ made up to ...  
  
you need to read a lots to know how a essay develop.  
  
keep writing :)
Ling, the weakness of your TOEFL essay starts with your first paragraph. The introduction of the discussion topic and your thesis statement, which should include a strong reference to a preliminary supporting fact for your opinion, needs to be presented. Right now, you are presenting this like an IELTS tests instead of a TOEFL test. Though these exams are both for the English language, these have different approaches to essay writing. The similarities only being that each paragraph needs to be 3-5 sentences long and it has to be composed of 5 paragraphs. The difference? The discussion of the opinion starts in the strongest manner within the first paragraph. A stronger introduction to this topic could be:  
  
*The normal work week is composed of a minimum of 40 hours per week, 5 working days a week. Now, some people believe that it would be nicer to work only 3 days out of the week for a longer period of time daily rather than working for 5 days for 8 hours per day. I believe that it would be better to stick the 40 hour work week instead. There are several reasons that I support this opinion.  
  
My first reason is that... .*  
  
Try to write at least 250 words covering 5 paragraphs, with one fully developed reasoning in every paragraph. That stronger and clearer your explanation, the higher the possible score. You have a pretty decent grasp of the English language. The problem, is that you are limiting your paragraph presentations and trying to discuss everything in one paragraph. What you should be doing is expanding your paragraph presentations instead through the use of the one topic per paragraph rule of thumb.
## recycling on a bigger scale is required

  
  
***Some people claim that not enough of the waste from homes is recycled. They say that the only way to increase recycling is for governments to make it a legal requirement. To what extent do you think laws are needed to make people recycle more of their waste.***  
  
Here is my essay. I am wondering whether I can get 6.0/6.5 out of 9.0 with respect to this essay. Thank you.  
  
Coincidence with the improvement of living standard, more and more waste is produced in daily life. Some are in favour of the view that legislation is the only method to increase recycling which is still not enough today. From my perspective, although laws are beneficial to the increase of recycling in some cases, other measures are also of necessity.  
  
The first point to make is that the process of recycling at home is still not convenient enough. In other words, there are still difficulties in recycling for some people like children and the old. At present, the most significat and tiring part of recycling is to divide waste from home into several categories. This requires not only a certain amount of time but also knowledge of recycling which is not compulsory course in school. Therefore when substantial progress is made in this respect in the future, the rate of recycling at home is likely to rise remarkably.  
  
Another possible measure is the introduction of reward for recycling. This is because laws only force citizens to recycle wast. In many cases, what legislation requires is against people's natural willing. For example, it is humans's nature to enjoy benefits without taking responsibilities. This mechanism is the cause of establishment of many laws. However, reward is probably more helpful in this regard since people are more probable to cultivate the habit of recycling when reward like exemption of taxes is introduced.  
  
On the other hand, hardly can anyone deny that laws have positive effects on people to some extent. Without any doubt, after a long time recycling will gradually become more a part of life than a requirement because of laws. Recycling in Japan is a case in point. After several decades since the laws about recycling, nowadays many Japanese have already adopted to recycling.  
  
In conclusion, despite the positive impacts of laws on raising people's awareness of recycling, other measure such as improvement of recycling technology and introduction of reward are also needed and can be more effective in some cases.
I noticed that you have missed incidentally some commas Therefore,when substantial ...  
  
Also, the question is asking you the extent to which you agree with the statement, so I believe you should directly answer the prompt.  
For example, you could just say that you agree with the statement claiming that laws should be introduced for recycling to some extent as.... your reasons  
  
I do not think you need a 5 paragraph essay to be honest, especially when you are aiming for about 6 to 6.5. You will be better off elaborating on your ideas in writing.
## unhealthy products for consumption

  
  
Junk food plays an important role in today's world.People of all ages consume a considerable amount of eating junk food.Many people eat junk food regularly and the eat of junk food are increasing especially among teenagers.Some argue that eating junk food are delicious for teenagers while others claim that it harmful teenagers.I personally believe that junk food is harmful to teenagers because it might lead to health problems and make local dishes.  
  
First of all, junk food is harmful to teenagers because it might lead to a variety of health problems.Many teenagers who eat too much junk food when start taking serious weight gain.What is more, teenagers who eat junk food regularly tend to be still.They do not eat a lot of healthy dishes.As a result, they develop problems such as obesity.Therefore, junk food is harmful to teenagers.  
  
Secondly, junk food is harmful to teenagers because it can make us forget about traditional food.People who are constantly out of are always trying to get some junk food.They usually do not eat nice and tasty food at home for those who have eaten outside so they forget the taste of many traditional, regional dishes As a result, junk food has a negative impact on teenagers.  
  
In conclusıon, whether junk food is harmful to teenagers or not is a controversial issue.There are different opinions on this issue.However, I believe that junk food is very harmful to teenagers because it might damage their health and it is being forgotten local food.In order to prevent such problems, ıt is important to limit the teenagers' food.  
  
Will appreciate all feedbacks:)
You need to explain why junk food has an important role. Example: Junk food help people to fulfill their meal quickly. they help busy people to get their food without waiting to long. You need to tell more the composition of junk food that made it harmful. Maybe you can say that junk food is unhealthy because they made from unknown ingredients and usually contents so much fat because it is fried.  
  
The point is I think you need more scientific base for this essay. for the second paragraph I advise you to see it more from psychology view of point too.  
  
I hope this help you.
Dear, first of all you need to provide the prompt, so we can evaluate your writing properly, to evaluate this we have to know which types of essay you really write.  
  
Anyway i have read your essay, it seem to me unorganized essay. if is it a essay for IELTS task2, then you need to know proper format for this. otherwise you are not able to meet the requirements. my guideline for your this writing is that prompt will be paraphrased so that you can give the idea that you understand what they ask. after that you have to develop bodies with clear topic sentences. finally conclusion with summary.  
  
hope it help you
You need to make good points of reasoning to support your stand in the topic. "Make local dishes" is a vague reasoning and is hard to understand.  
  
Your introduction contains a lot of ideas and I think you could use cohesive devices to link these ideas. What is better is to just paraphrase the prompt given.  
  
Your concluding sentence for paragraph two is just a complete restatement of your topic sentence. Try to summarize it in a different way.  
  
You should also be firm on your stand in the conclusion. There is no need to mention that it is a controversial issue. Be firm to increase your conclusion's strength.  
  
Hope the helps.  
PS: I am no expert.
Hello everyone  
  
Would you mind helping me please, how well is this essay? what do I have to improve?  
  
waiting to hear from you  
  
## Child labor

  
  
Have you ever asked yourself why there so many children out there working instead of going to school? Well, there are some many reasons. One of the most popular reason is that children lack resource or do not have a family. Some people believe that child labor is a normal issue; however, child labor is harmful. Child labor takes advantage of children and affects children future  
  
Child labor is harmful because children are exposed daily to work in risky situations and in hard conditions. For example, They have to work as home builders, lift heavy weights or in other occupations. In other words, they are obligated to work as well as possible, even though if they have never been trained for.  
  
Secondly, child labor takes advantages of children by paying them a low salary. what does it mean? It means that children have to work more hours to earn a decent salary to help those they care. For instance, In some poor countries, children have to work from 12 to 14 hours to earn the regular day income. In other words, some companies take advantage and abuse of those children who are in need by paying what they want.  
  
Finally, child labor affects their future, By working or being exposed to work all day long children lost part of their life working instead of going to school.Therefore, those children will lack education, as a result, they will not have the same opportunities as a regular citizen has in the future.  
  
Summarizing, Child labor is unsafe because children are exposed to different work situations, child labor takes advantage of those in need and affects children future. In my opinion, Governments and onu should work together to help those children who are in need to improve and make a better world for everyone.
Joze, are you writing this for an English test or just for an English writing class? I am going to assume the latter and base my opinion of your essay on that. You need to learn how to use the connecting word "the" in your sentences because without it, the sentence does not come across as properly developed and sometimes, has a distorted meaning. You also need to learn how to properly present your discussions in a paragraph topic format so that you can expand on your discussion explanations. That means, you discuss only one topic per paragraph. Focus on making sure your content is clear and the idea you are representing comes across clearly if not in the discussion, then in the examples you present. Most of your discussions are under developed and severely lacking in supporting information or data. Be careful when you type. Review the English writing rules in order to keep yourself reminded as to when capitalization must be used or not used. You capitalized in the wrong places in certain portions of this essay. Overall though, this is a pretty decent attempt at English writing. It is understandable for the most part but lacking in development. Good job so far.