dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Nataliia, the summary overview of your essay needs to be at least 3 sentences long. So instead of the single sentence that you have at the very beginning, you should have combined it with the next paragraph in order to create a proper overview of the information you were provided. The overview that you could have created would have been a perfect explanation of the illustration you were provided with. When writing this kind of summary, there is no need for you to present it in the first person as there is no required discussion coming from your end. No person references are necessary in this instance, only a reference to the illustrations. That said, the best reference for the discussion in the essay would have been, per paragraph "In the first map..." Rather than saying "I will focus..." Do not use the reference "them" in this essay because that refers to a direct or indirect object, usually referring to a group of people. In this case, you are using the term to refer to inanimate objects such as buildings, trees, and the like. These do not have genders and are not considered people, so the correct reference would have been to use the descriptive term directly. An example of this would be" ... After the footpath, the reception..." or "... One of these..." While you did write 180 plus words, the improper grammar development takes away from the interesting presentation that you have for the essay. I advise you to work on your connecting words and pronoun usage knowledge. Learn how to properly refer to inanimate objects in an essay. Overall though, you did a good job of describing the map illustrations. However, due to the existing problems of the essay, I think you can only score as high as a 6.
Hello guys , i wrote this task and dont know what band i can get ? please check it for me . many thanks <3  
  
## Margarine, Low fat & reduced spreads and Butter consumption

  
  
The graph below show the consumption of 3 spreads from 1981 to 2007  
  
The line graph illustrates Margarine , Low fat & reduced spreads and Butter 's consumptions over 16 years from 1981 to 2007 . As it shown in the graph , Margarine was highest around 160 grams at 1991 and 1996 , while Low fat & reduced spreads and Butter were most popular around 100 grams and 85 at 1986 and 2001 . Between 1991 and 1996 , Butter had went down on while Margarine still had a leveling out . By 1999 to the next few years , Low fat & reduced spreads had dramatically increased to peak but Margarine and Butter were falling down . In the last few years on the graph showed that the consumptions of three spreads had all fallen down , specifically Margarine , Low fat & reduced spreads and Butter respectively were around 40 , 70 and 50 at 2007 .  
  
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Ky, I am not going to score your essay at this point because it will not get a passing grade. I would like you to improve upon the problem parts of your essay first because it is obvious that, as your first post, you did not follow the suggested writing format for this task 1 essay. It would be unfair of me to fail you in this essay since you obviously lacked guidance in writing it.  
  
For starters, a Task 1 IELTS essay is supposed to have a minimum of 150 words, spread between 3-5 paragraphs. That means, each paragraph should contain anywhere from 3-5 sentences each. Your essay falls short of this mandatory format. Work on developing the required format in order to gain a chance at a higher task accuracy score.  
  
Now, since the essay needs to have at least 3 paragraphs in order to be considered a full essay, you will need to know how to develop each of the paragraphs in order to meet the required informative summary presentation. This is simple enough to do, provided you understand the graph that you were provided with.  
  
First up, in the opening statement, summarize the instructions that you were provided in the graph and offer a discussion outline. In this case, you could have said:  
  
*The line graph provided compares the number of grams that people consume per type of sandwich spread. The three types of spreads to be compared are Margarine, Low fat & reduced spreads, and butter. The comparisons are done using a 6 year gap per year starting in 1991 and ending in 2007.*  
  
At that point, you may compare the graph lines as you deem fit. Whatever style you use to discuss the second paragraph, just make sure that you complete your presentation in 5 sentences because that is the maximum sentence requirement.  
  
When you conclude the essay, you can just summarize the information you were provided by repeating what you feel is the most important information in the graph. Or, you can do comparisons of the points where information overlaps for some of the years and spread types.  
  
This is the pretty much standard format that you should always write your Task 1 essays in. Practice using this format in your upcoming practice tests and you should receive some pretty good scores. So the standards for you to remember are:  
  
1. Write at least 150 words in the completed essay.  
2. Write at least 3 sentences, maximum of 5 sentences per paragraph.  
3. Write at least 3 paragraphs for your presentation.  
  
The work that you did in this essay is good but does not follow the required format. That will result in severely lowered scores. I do not think that this essay will get a passing score so I will not score this one. I'll give you a pass since this is your first ever attempt at writing this sort of essay.
@mygoals  
Hello! Make sure that you have at least 150 words in your essay.  
Besides, there aren't any paragraphs. It is simply easier to recieve any information when text has a structure.  
  
As it shown in the graph, ~~Margarine was highest around 160 grams at 1991 and 1996~~   
reached a peak in amount of 160 grams between 1991 and 1996  
  
The more you try, the better your score will be ^)
Tran, I think it will be best if I show you the scores you might get, per individual consideration for your writing so that you can effectively develop the problem points in order to ensure a higher score in the actual test. By giving you individual scores, you will be able to focus on developing your weak points in the upcoming practice tests. Let's start with your mastery level.  
  
Your mastery level should be around a 4. This score is based upon the way that you were able to present an argumentative essay using proper points, discussion considerations, and examples. For the ideas and analysis portion, you could score anywhere between a 4 and 5. The possible score is based upon paragraph 3 of your essay which truly discusses the reasons and considerations given for the C grade before being given a driver's license. I would like to advise you to divide paragraphs such as that into 2 though. The length of the paragraph showed that you discussed 2 points of view already. It is always best to separate the thought discussions so that the reader will be able to properly analyze the content you have written.  
  
Development and Support would be a 4. Your score in this section was the result of your clear explanation and use of examples in your essay to support your argument. Due to the number of reasons and supporting facts though, the essay tends to run too long and become too complicated. Try to keep the essay simple by providing only one strong argument in support of your reason. Multiple reasons tend to blur the discussion process.  
  
Your organization skills can garner you a score of 5 because you were able to create a chronological discussion for your essay. You had a focused discussion throughout your essay. However, your transitioning from one paragraph or discussion to another needs more work. Finally, for language use, you get a 4. Try to improve on your sentence structure and grammar use. Be more precise with the complex words that you opt to use. There are some words such as "overturesome" that do not make sense because you made up the word. Make sure you only use words that exist in the dictionary and are also easily understandable by the reader. Do not use profession specific words or words that only you know the meaning to because you made it up on the fly. While you are not scored for mistakes, you are scored on the accuracy of word usage.
## study reasons in various age

  
  
The bar charts exhibit information about what the main reason people study and how many supporting they receive by employeer based their age. Overall, both youngest people and oldest people have inversely proportion of reason for studying, and the more people get older the less support they obtain for studying.  
  
The first chart shows that there is a contradictory trend between the youngest people and the oldest people. Career is the key factor why youngest people are studying. It could be seen that the youngest people has 80% of reason for career, and it is decreasing as they get older. Meanwhile, the oldest people is more likely to choose interest as their reason for studying. It is seen that the oldest people have 70% of reason for interest. Interestingly, both the youngest and the oldest group have an equal percentage of 40% when they occupy 40-49 age.  
  
The second chart illustrtates that the youngest people receive more support by employer than the oldest people for studying. The youngest people get more than 60% of time off and fess for studying but it will be declining until they enter 30-39 age. In this period, they hit a low at under 40% but they will be raising again in the next age. Overall, a gap between the youngest age and the oldest age is by 20% of support.  
  
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Andi, how many times have I told you that one of the most important considerations in this summary essay writing is the data itself that is presented in the original charts? Every age group, every percentage point, every piece of information given in the chart must be reflected in words, not assumptions as you are so prone to do. If the figures show actual ages, then say the actual age group, do not say "as they progress in age" because that is not what is in the chart. This leads to an uninformed essay being written because you always choose to not use the actual figures and information in your essay. The reader will not come away are duly informed after reading your paper because you fill their head with figures and assumptions instead of facts and figures. The latter being the expected information in a summary essay. Due to the problems that were created by the lack of accurate use of information from the charts, your essay needs to be scored down. That is, even though you wrote a pretty good essay in terms of grammar. So the final score for this essay, in my opinion, cannot be any higher than a 4.
## channel one news popularity

  
  
The line chart illustrates the number of viewers for channel one news during 12 months. Overall, the most noticeable changes is seen in the average of viewer in August. Moreover, during one year all of features have different experiences.  
  
There are 3 programs at the beginning of the 12-month period, 6 pm news stand at around 5 million and it becomes the highest number of viewers. Moreover, it decreases slightly in the end of period. Likewise, 9.30 pm news programs also go down in the last period. Meanwhile, the 1 pm news programs maintained stable over the period, it accounted for around 1.5 million.  
  
A more detailed look at the chart reveals that the features experienced the additional news program. In May, The 11 pm news was introduced. In August, it reached a peak at 4 million viewers even though the other program like 9.30 pm news hit a low of 1 million viewers in the same month.  
  
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Syiamsiah, the best way to have analyzed this line graph would have been on a quarterly treating basis. By grouping the time slots with similar audience viewership numbers, a more accurate comparison would have been reached. Note that the ratings information was provided on a monthly basis so the similarities and over lapping viewer information for various slots could have been better represented as well. As such, you would've offered the reader a better assessment of the time to watch the news. You should've also led into the second paragraph with information regarding the launch of the 11 p.m. news broadcast in order to create a more chronological representation of the time slots. Given the time frame with which you have to analyze the graph, draft the essay and proof read your work, at least 10 minutes should be allotted for the first half of the task. The finalization should come only after you are sure that you have completely represented all of the possibly required information in the essay. Be proud in the knowledge that even though the essay has room for improvement, your work can score around a 5 at the most.
hay syamsiahRahim  
i have read your essay, in the beginning paragraph, your introduction is too similar with the question. if you want to improve your score, you suppose to paraphrase well the question with your own language. your overview is too general and it did not coverage your paragraph 2 and three. turning to the second paragraph, you have to narrow down the programs, you may say there are three news programs. there is misinterpret data, for example: .... 9.30 pm news programs also go down in the last period, i think the go down trend is its viewers. i think you have mention it in the first paragraph.
**'Everybody should donate a fixed amount of their income to support charity'. How far do you share this viewpoint?**  
  
## charity donation

  
  
Answer:  
The issue of donation continues to be widely debated, and giving fixed amount of income is accepted as dominated international thinking. While it is considered by some that charity supporting could be from other sectors, I personally agree with the idea that workers should afford some money for charity.  
  
Firstly, it seems advisable that charity prompts a chance for people as doing good deeds. As we can see, this supports the others by providing aids such as meal distribution, school uniform allocation, or running fine-tuned social programme. In Indonesia, for instance, people tend to do public dues with fixed amount of money for every month owing to a social movement called Indonesia Mengajar -- a charity providing teachers for rural village schools in many regions of Indonesia. In addition, it might be seen that one major benefit of continuing supporting charity is occuring more stable financial condition for charity. In spite of merely small amount of money, workers invoke larger financial support thanks to doing it together for considerably significant impact. Lastly, it is logical to said that through donating their income, people more attach with others helped by them for more empathize.  
  
I do appreciate that some people think differently, saying that financial income for charity can be afforded by sponsorship from companies, and donation is not workers' duty. However, I believe that this proportion could be unwise, considering the variety of advantages that donating fixed amount of income might create.  
  
To conclude, it seems for me that giving our income as donation is the wiser option, not solely for chance of doing positive things, but also for charities' stable financial income and encouraging positive attachment.
Lizara, when you are asked to discuss how far you share a point of view, your opening statement should indicate that prompt requirement by saying exactly that. By indicating that "I share this point of view to a certain extent", you allow yourself the freedom to discuss the pro and con side of the provided discussion. Within the essay that you wrote, I sensed the degree of your agreement with the statement. However, the essay does not ask you to totally agree with the given discussion. You should have also discussed why you don't agree with the statement, to a certain level, as well. That way, you deliver a balanced and informative discussion to the reader while allowing the reader to develop his own opinion without too much influence from your personal point of view.  
  
Offering a personal opinion rather than the explanation of the public opinion in paragraph 3 would have been best in representing the disagreement that you have with the statement. After all, the essay is not asking you to discuss the public opinions and then your personal opinion. You were being requested to present your personal outlook alone as the agreeing and disagreeing factors in the essay. Further development of the personal opinion that you presented in that part of the essay was necessary.  
  
Another problem with the essay is the way that you do not take ownership of the statements provided. The first person pronoun was badly needed in the essay. Rather than saying "we", it should have been "I" because the essay requires your personal point of view throughout the essay. Make sure to use the correct pronoun in the essay because that will not only show English comprehension skills, but also add to the authoritative voice of the essay as you wrote it. The prompt is asking you to represent yourself in written form based upon the instructions so your active voice must be used whenever possible in the development of the essay arguments.  
  
With regards to your formatting, please remember that there is a 3 sentence minimum requirement for your paragraphs. Of the 4 paragraphs you wrote, only one paragraph, the second one, adheres to this prompt requirement. By limiting the sentences that you presented in the other paragraphs, you also limited the possibility that you might get a higher final score based upon your lexical resource and grammar accuracy considerations. Having said that, I believe that the most accurate score for this type of essay from you would be a 4. It would have gone up to a 5 if you had properly discussed the length of your agreement and opposition to the point of view as well.
## statistics of unemployed women in England

  
  
The graph below shows female unemployment rates in each country of the United Kingdom in 2013 and 2014.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.  
  
The bar chart illustrates the percentage of women unemplyed in the UK between 2013 and 2014.  
From an overall perspective, women out of job in both countries Wales and the Northern Ireland had smaller figure while in England and Scotland women without jobs increased respectively from 2013 to 2014.  
  
According to the bar charts, in 2013, women out of job makes up 5.4% in Wales while the figure for women unemloyed in the Northern Ireland, with 5.6% respectively. Howerver, in the Northern Ireland women unemployed fell 1% and in Wales fell to 0.4% in 2014.  
  
Looking more details, the percentage of unemployed women in England hold the greatest bad indiviual position, with 6.8% in 2013, but in 2014 the female without jobs descreased to 0.3%. Furthermore, in terms of women out of jobs in Scotland reflected against comparison rates for which form of bad conditions lives pushed more unemployed women rates in two years and increased from 6.1% to 6.7% respectively.  
  
Plz help me some advise about this task.  
  
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Emma, I would have approached the comparison presentation of the bar chart in a different manner. I would have done it either in a progressive (lowest to highest) or regressive (highest to lowest) percentage presentation based upon the year of the information. The country in the UK would properly represented anyway as I presented the bar information. By doing it that way, the mechanical nature of the presentation, caused by the obvious choice of just comparing the digits as it was presented, would have been avoided. It would have also allowed for a better analysis on my part, as the writer, of the information provided so I would have been able to present some additional information that might have been overlooked using your current presentation. By presenting the information per paragraph using the yearly basis, the essay would have also been easier to follow as it does not confuse the reader by combining the year comparison in the same area. Dividing the yearly presentation would have made it easier for the reader to recall the information as well.  
  
The major problem of your essay is that you did not write enough sentences to qualify your statements as paragraphs. All of the presentations have only 2 sentences rather than the required 3 sentence (minimum) presentation. This mistake will definitely drag down your overall score, regardless of the strength of your discussion. You were also a bit careless and sloppy in your presentation because you did not use periods to create logical schools of thought within your paragraphs. Instead, you just created long run on sentences through the constant use of commas. Learn to use the period. That is a writers best friend and will always help to increase your scores far better than these run on sentences can.  
  
Based on the aforementioned issues, I think your final score for this essay will be no more than a 4.
## Debate Essay - Is Cheer-leading a Sport?

  
  
Some people say that cheerleading isn't a sport, some people say it is. When people think of cheerleading, the first thing that comes to mind is a sideline cheerleader, their main goal is to entertain a crowd and lead them with team cheers, which shouldn't be considered a sport. On the other hand, competitive cheerleading is a sport because it meets all three laws of defining something as a sport, it's a physical activity that involves propelling a mass through space or overcoming the resistance of a mass, you compete against another opponent, and it is governed by rules that define the time, space, purpose, and conditions under which a winner is declared.  
  
Cheerleading is a sport because it is a physical activity that involves propelling a mass through space. A huge part of cheerleading is stunting. A stunt is a moved performed by a group of people the group consists of a flyer, two bases, a back spot, and sometimes a front spot. A flyer is the person being put in the air, the bases are lifting her, the spots watch the flyer to make sure she doesn't fall and sometimes helps out with the stunt. The spot is rarely ever allowed to touch the flyer. During practice, the athletes are required to lift weights and bench-press. Weight lifting is required by the IASF (International All-Stars Federation).  
  
In cheerleading you also compete against other opponents. There are three different types of competitions. Small competitions, Large competitions, and Bid competitions. Small competitions are local competitions in which you compete against teams in your own province or state. Large competitions are competitions where you travel around your continent and compete against teams on your coast. Bid competitions are competitions you get invited to from large competitions.  
  
It is governed by rules that define the time, space, purpose and conditions under which a winner is declared. In cheerleading there is a time limit of 2:30 min. In that time you have to cover dance, jumps, tumbling, stunts, pyramids, and tosses. They have a regulation mat size of 42' by 54', with a two foot border. Each competition has a different scoresheet based on the six components of cheerleading.  
  
In conclusion, cheerleading is a sport because it meets all of the laws stating that is a sport. It is a physical activity that involves propelling a mss through the air, you compete against another opponent and it is governed by rules that define the time, space, purpose, and conditions under which a winner is declared.