dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## computer skills as a mandatory subject

  
  
**Writing, reading, and maths are the three major subjects. Some people think that computer skills should be added as a fourth subject. What extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
In the recent competitive market, to apply for a vacancy and to get a high salary, computer skills are considered to be one of the most vital keys in conjunction with writing, reading and maths to lead to success in one's career. As a consequence, computer skills should be emphasized at schools as well as universities as a compulsory subject. This viewpoint has my support.  
  
To commence with, computers skills are the core element for every individual who wishes to enter the workplace. It is undeniable that every task of most of the professions requires computer skills from typing to gathering information on the internet. For instance, the marketers need to utilize every source on the internet to seek their customers and to distribute customer-group segmentation. Without computer skills, all the tasks cannot be done in the nick of time and all the related duties, hence, will stagnate.  
  
Not only are computer skills a demand for all employees, but it is also compulsory for those who have an intention of pursuing higher education. As an educational environment has undergone significant changes over the past decades, all the lectures at the university are no longer textbooks and paper assignments. Instead of that, most of the lectures are performed by PowerPoint and students finish their assignments by software such as Word, Excel. In other word, students also need to get access to online materials as fundamental data for their researches due to online journals. In all likelihood, computer skill really plays a key role in stimulating and boosting one's study.  
  
In conclusion, it is essential that computer skills be included in school and university's curriculum for all the benefits to people. It is also crucial for those who intend to enter the modern workplace and the undergraduate to be equipped with.  
  
*(298 words)*
Khoa, your line of reasoning in the body paragraphs are highly applicable to the discussion. The problem, is that your paraphrasing is not aligned with the original prompt. You should have used the "emotional" consideration in line with the "extent" discussion. This means, you need to use a descriptive word to accompany your agreement with the subject. You have to do that because this is an "extent" essay discussion. You also need to understand that if you do not use the information located in the prompt discussion, your opening paragraph will create an unrelated discussion. You must only represent the original prompt discussion and outline in your paraphrase. Just as in the conclusion, you cannot present reasons for your discussion in the opening paragraph. Therefore, your essay will have immediately lost a significant scoring consideration in the task accuracy portion. The proper opening paraphrase should be:  
  
*The three core subjects taught in school these days are writing, reading, and math. While these subjects are truly important in the basic education of a child, there is a point of view that a 4th notable subject must be included in the curriculum. The 4th subject spoken of in this instance is the computer skills subject. I strongly agree that computer skills should be added as the 4th important subject being taught in school. In this essay, I will be presenting a number of reasons that help to support my opinion regarding this discussion topic.*  
  
With the correct prompt representation, your score increases immediately. Once you make a mistake in the opening paraphrase, your score is immediately lowered as well. English comprehension skills as represented in the opening paraphrase is one of the most important considerations towards your final score so make sure you get that part right the first time every time.  
  
Your conclusion is also faulty because it does not accurately represent the previous discussion presented. It continues to discuss the wrong prompt requirement as you presented it in the opening statement. That will cost you an even lower TA score in the end.
Topic:  
**As countries develop, their populations tend to live individually or in small family units.  
In your opinion, what is this cause and what are the effects on the society?**  
  
## individualism and nuclear families

  
  
It is true that nowadays, the more countries develop, the more their citizens tend to live individually or in nuclear families. This phenomenon has affected the society in various ways, and in my opinion, there are both positive and negative effects.  
  
There are a variety of reasons why members of modern society support this trend. Firstly, marriage might undergo some unexpected things such as divorce, domestic violence, and huge costs to bring children up, which creates fear of getting married amongst the young generation. Therefore, the youths lean toward the idea of individualism instead of collectivism. Another important factor that contributes to the trend is the generation gap. In other words, different opinions between the young and the old would be the main culprit of unnecessary conflict, which can act as a catalyst for stressful family environment.  
  
On the one hand, this development can be extremely positive. That there would be a decline in population growth rate will help to prevent fierce competition that is the breeding ground of social unrest and political instability. Furthermore, as living in small families, parents will take better care of their children who will be the future pillars of the nation. On the other hand, the shortage of young workforce is the negative consequence that can be anticipated. As a result, we will likely to witness an unsustainable growth in economic and general prosperity of the countries in the future.  
  
In conclusion, individualism and nuclear families have impacted many aspects of the society by both its benefits and drawbacks.  
  
I really appreciate any help. Thank you.
Jun, in terms of grammatical presentation, you know just enough English vocabulary to create coherent, but not necessarily cohesive, sentences. Your ideas are presented in a manner that the reader can understand, even though the grammar is not perfect. The degree of English writing skill you display is intermediate, which is a good thing. The intermediate level means that you are able to present simple to complex sentences a few times in the essay. However, the fact that you are not focused on developing only one idea for representation in each paragraph means that you did not fully utilize these writing skills of yours.  
  
The lack of cohesiveness in the presentation, due to the numerous topics being discussed per paragraph, caused a faulty development of ideas. You did not manage to fully discuss and explain your line of reasoning per paragraph. It would be best if you focused less on informing the reader using numerous examples and instead, focus on fully developing one or two pieces of evidence in individual paragraphs. That way, the paragraph becomes both coherent and cohesive. You have 3 body paragraphs within which to do this so I suggest you fully utilize the opportunity to do so. Presenting a solidly developed 5 paragraph essay will be beneficial to you because such a presentation will garner you a higher final scoring consideration.  
  
In relation to that, I have to say that your first paragraph paraphrase needs more work. It is not a very accurate representation of all the instructions from the original prompt. It would have been better presented as:  
  
*Developing countries tend to have smaller family units these days. There is a tendency for people to live either alone or with a nucleus family instead. I believe that there are 2 major reasons for this development. In this essay, I will shed light on those 2 reasons, as well as the possible results that these new family units have on our society.*  
  
The above representation is more aligned with the original prompt discussion and allows the reader to get a better idea of what topics will be discussed, why it will be discussed, and how it will be discussed. This would indicate a higher level of English thinking and writing on your part.  
  
The concluding paragraph needs to be more than one sentence. Try to write at least 3 sentences in each paragraph because you are trying to impress the examiner with your English writing and grammar abilities. That is not well represented when you only write one sentence. The better you write in multiple short sentences, the better your chance of a better grammatical score.
## Line graph: Device Ownership

  
  
The line graph illustrates the portion of those who own devices by 4 different categories in Vietnam during 6-year period from 2006 to 2012. Overall, all types of ownership increased over the period, with the highest volume belonged to CD player and the least for Tablet.  
  
As can be inferred from the chart, the data of Table appeared from 2008 by only around 10% but soared cross the 2 next years to just under 32%. This rising trend continued and ended at 42 approximately in 2012. It is worth noting that CD player and Home computer almost increased constantly during the time from 2006 to 2012, with around 30% higher ratio by CD player. While Home computer stated at nearly 30% in 2016, after rising to over 55% in 2012, this figures for CD player were under 60% and 82% respectively. In contrast, there were some fluctuations in the development of Mobile phone. To be specific, the stage from 2009 to 2010 witnessed a level-off of 42%, 1 year later rising significantly by 22%. In addition, Mobile phone began just 18% lower than the number of Home computer but finished with the second highest of approximately 60% in 2012.  
  
Question:  
1) Can this essay get band 6.0?  
2) Do I have to separate the introduction and overview into 2 different paragraphs?
Huy, it is hard to tell the band score your essay can fetch because it is impossible to do a wholesome assessment of your write-up since you failed to post both the prompt and the line graph you are trying to describe. You need not separate the paraphrase of the prompt from the overview statement. However, based on its content, this essay cannot get up to 5 band. The first reason is your inability to adhere to rules of English grammar and improper use of tenses in some parts of the essay. Another obvious reason is that your essay lacks conclusion. The transition phrase 'in addition' does not depict a concluding statement, it only buttresses previous statements made in the preceding lines. Also, the first paragraph contain only 2 sentences, in which case it cannot be regarded as a paragraph because a typical paragraph is made up of at least 3 sentences. I cannot tell if you actually did a proper description of the information in the line graph because I need to look at the graph before I make such comment.
Gia, in response to your first question, there is now way that this essay can be accurately scored because of the missing image. Without the image, there is no way we can compare your report with the requirements of the analytical presentation. That said though, I can tell you that this essay is not going to score very well based upon its current form. That is because you did not create separate paragraph discussions for the information that you are presenting. A task 1 essay is expected to be anywhere from 3-4 paragraphs in length, composed of 5 sentences at the maximum, each. That formatting problem already created a problem for you in terms of the TA of your essay as it doesn't follow the required presentation format.  
  
The decision to create a combined introduction and overview or separate presentation of the two is actually something that is up to the writer. There is no right or wrong way of writing that part, only a more accurate way of doing so that will help the test taker to gain a better overall score. Although, combining the two sections into one paragraph usually results in a higher scoring consideration in the end.
hi@tan\_hao\_hcmut  
  
The line graph illustrates ~~the portion (...) different types~~ the proportion of ownership of devices in Vietnam during the 6-year period ... always introduction will be simple sentence and give main trend in here  
  
Overall, (...) over the ~~time in question~~~~time in question~~ period, with the (...) CD player and Tablet occupied least.  
  
... around 10% but ~~soared~~ this word is commonly used for significant changes like rise from 20% to 70% chant during the next 2 years to ...  
... figures for CD player were around 60% and just above 82% respectively.  
  
In contrast, there were ~~some fluctuations ...~~ a significant changes in the use of mobile in the timeline.
Tiffany, somehow, I feel like you only posted the topic for discussion in the GRE essay. You did not post the discussion instruction along with it. Without the discussion instruction, it becomes difficult to review your work for relevance and appropriateness with regards to the discussion. As it is, the essay that you wrote is most likely going to score no higher than a 3. Since the actual purpose of the discussion is not clearly outlined in your opening statement, neither is it made clearer in the bodies of paragraphs that you wrote, I am not convinced that this is a very good or strong essay. The use of North Korea as an example in this essay is out of place. The discussion should be based on general, not political terms. You discussed the situation in a political context without taking more serious and far more relevant considerations into the discussion presentation. The example you used is of questionable importance and as such, weakened the presentation of your argument. Next time, post the prompt with the discussion instruction. That way a more thorough review of your essay can be provided. At this point, I can only assess your essay based on certain, obvious parameters.
@Holt  
Thanks for your advice! and yes, it is a topic in GRE, the whole instruction is completed below.  
  
**Some people claim that you can tell whether a nation is great by looking at the achievements of its rulers, artists,or scientists. Others argue that the surest indicator of a great nation is, in fact, the general welfare of all its people.**  
  
*Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your  
reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views  
presented.*
**Question:** *Some people think a job not only provides income but also social life. Others think it is better to develop social life with people you do not work with. Discuss both views and give your opinion.*  
  
**Answer:**  
  
## social life inside or outside the workplace

  
  
Whether social life should be built inside or outside the workplace is questioned by many. While some claim that being friends with individuals they do not work with is a better choice. I would argue that the profession that a person chooses can offer them both financial support and countless opportunities to develop their social relationships.  
  
On the one hand, there are several reasons why a few individuals think that social life should be built with people who work in a different organization. Firstly, being acquaintances with ones working in other fields might broaden a person's knowledge that possibly help them resolve a number of their problems at work. For instance, a teacher can learn how to deal with disruptive kids effectively by asking for advice from a friend who is a child psychologist. Additionally, social relationships developed outside the workplace tend to last longer than those developed inside. In other words, since many employees have difficulties working in harmony with their workmates due to peer pressure, it is challenging for them to maintain purely true friendships. Therefore, by building social bonds with someone not employed by the same firm, people might avoid unexpected competition at work in terms of chances for promotion and distribution of responsibility.  
  
On the other hand, it is my belief that not only does an occupation bring people financial stability, it also allows them to benefit from the social contacts developed gradually overtime. To begin with, it is an indisputable fact that most individuals obtain financial security from working. In fact, the money that a person receives on a monthly basic enables them to cover their daily expenses as well as improving their living standard. What is more, workplace friendships can either enhance a person's working productivity or contribute positively to his career prospects. That is to say, as friends at work often know each other's strengths and weaknesses, they can provide feedback and even recommend them for more promising jobs at other corporations.  
  
In conclusion, while there are reasons why people should better have social life with ones outside their workplace, I believe that the job a person does can support them financially and more importantly, bring them fruitful relationships.  
  
----------  
Please give comments based on 4 marking criteria. Thanks so much!
While some claim that **making** ~~being~~ friends with individuals ~~they~~ **who** do not work (...) argue that ~~the profession that a~~ professional employee ~~person~~ **may** ~~chooses~~ choose ~~can~~  **to offer** ~~them~~  both financial ...  
  
... should be built ~~with~~ **in** people who ...  
... help them **to** resolve ...  
... advice from ~~a friend who is a child psychologist~~ **(it seems weak)**.  
... employees ~~have~~ **difficult to work** in harmony (...), it **seems** challenging for them to maintain ~~purely~~ true friendships **purely**.  
... not employed **in** ~~by~~ the same firm, (...) unexpectedly ~~unexpected competition~~ at work ~~in terms of~~  **as to whether its**chances for ...
Phuong, in terms of Task Accuracy, you can only score a 4 with this essay. That is due to the fact that you only minimally responded to the task you were provided. There is a lack of understanding of the actual prompt for discussion and the manner of discussion your part. Your paraphrasing is faulty as the correct paraphrase should have been:  
  
*Some people believe that a job should provide both a method by which to become financially stable and make friends. Others believe that it would be best to not mix one's social life with work by making friends in the workplace. This essay will compare both points of view before I offer my personal opinion regarding the matter.*  
  
An accurate paraphrase as well as a proper outline of the discussion format required in the essay are considered of the utmost importance in the TA score because it shows how well you understand English based instructions. Your version did not accomplish this requirement as well as it should have. That is why you did not really present a thoroughly relevant discussion based on the original prompt instructions. The missing personal opinion is what further lowered your score in this criteria.  
  
In terms of Coherence and Cohesion, you can score between a 4-5 depending upon the more intricate considerations the examiner may have. I am scoring you within this bracket because I find your paragraphs to have too much information within it, but none of which are developed in a strong manner. You only have the simplest of explanations in single sentences to explain your reasoning, which results in under discussed and developed paragraphs. Try to create connecting sentences between your evidence, supporting discussion, and transition sentence into the next paragraph in order to improve your score in this area. Use only one idea for development whenever possible.  
  
Your lexical resource, in my opinion is a 6 because you used enough simple and advanced English words to make yourself understood. I admire how you tried to use less common English words like "child psychologist" and "financial stability" in a manner that is applicable to the sentence and thought process that you were developing for the discussion.  
  
When it comes to your GRA, I would give you a six as well because you avoided run-on sentences and did not cause undue stress on the reader. As far as I am concerned, you have enough of a mix of simple and complex sentences in the essay which, even though sometimes faulty in structure, does not hinder your communication with your reader.  
  
The essay suffers from a prompt deviation to a certain extent, which caused the essay to be scored on a lower scale. I will not give you an overall score for the essay because I do not know what other considerations an actual examiner may have for your essay in terms of scoring increments. I believe it is enough for you to know the score for your strong and weak points for now so you can improve upon them in your future essays.
Topic:  
**The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, how cement is used to produce concrete for building purpose.  
  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
Write at least 150 words  
  
## presentation of the cement-making process

  
  
Essay:  
The given diagrams depicts the process by which cement is produced for making concrete which is objective of construction.  
  
In general, both of cement and concrete are made by complex procedures; furthermore, the procedures need 5 and 1 kinds of machine in the complex procedures of cement and concrete, respectively. Aside from that, cement production needs merely 2 kinds of material, whereas concrete production need 4.  
  
In the first step of producing cement, there is the crush phase, in which limestone and clay use crusher making powder, the second being the powder mixing through the mixer. Then the third step using rotating heater to heat up all of the mixing powder. As the final step, all of materials through the grinder become the finished good of cement after heating.  
  
Regarding the second diagram of concrete production, there are 4 kinds of material with specific percentage. For example, gravel is the main material of concrete which occupies halt of percentage. Unlike gravel needs 50%, sand, cement and water which just meed 25%, 15% and 10%, respectively. Gathering all of the materials in the concrete mixer and the final product will be complete; what's more, this kind of merchandise will be applied on construction purpose.  
  
--------------------------FINISHED--------------------------  
  
I really appreciate any help. Thank you very much. :)))  
  
*   
*The given diagram*
I like the concise way you have put it.  
A few points where I felt you could be clearer:  
**THE GIVEN DIAGRAMS DEPICTS ...**. are you sure that this is the purpose of construction?  
  
It should be ' Limestone and clay are crushed into powder'  
  
**THE PROCEDURES NEED 5 AND 1 ...**  
It is better to form separate sentences as it makes reading and understanding easy.