dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Nope. This essay will automatically get a score of 1 in the TA section. Which means the essay will not get a passing score. There is no need for me to review any other mistakes in this essay because you already made a mistake in your prompt response and discussion. The actual prompt for this essay is:  
  
*Some movies are serious, designed to make the audience think. Other movies are designed primarily to amuse and entertain. Which type of movie do you prefer?*  
  
You totally changed the prompt topic and discussion format to:  
  
*This essay will discuss both sides of the argument in detail and provide evidence as to why movies should be used for educational purposes.*  
  
You turned a pure personal opinion / choice essay into a comparative discussion. You did not respond to the question in the paraphrase, which, by the way, is also so far off base in the restatement of the discussion topic that the essay truly does not connect in any way to the original presentation. It is because of the completely unrelated task response that this essay cannot get even close to a 4 band score.
Intially, you actually didn't give us the complete topic and its requirement. When it comes" to the first paragraph, your thesis statement is not really good; I suppose that you need to express your own ideas more. The sentence " This essay will discuss both sides of the argument in detail" sounds quite weird to an essay; specifically, you shouldn't mention " the essay" in your essay.  
  
- In the second paragraph, ideas are good. " at schools" should be replaced by " at school".  
- In the third paragraph, In a serie of sentences " However, movies...worth watching", you need to clarify the idea that educational values should be added to film or like that because I realise that your idea is not so lucid and strong. Besides, " help them to deal with.." need to change into " help them deal...".  
  
- Your conclusion is quite short; you need to make your conclusion at least include 2 sentences, which sounds better.  
Hopefully, these remarks are beneficial to you.
## *the combination of the government and our society*

  
  
***People are living in large cities today face many problems in their everyday life.  
What are these problems?  
Should government encourage people to move to a smaller regional towns?***  
  
The urban people, nowadays, have to cope with numerous challenges in their life. I believe there are three main problems associated with this situation, but also three remedies we can adopt.  
  
Perhaps the major problem of the urban life is the availability to obtain occupation. The majority of people living in developing cities come from poor and backward rural. It is very difficult for them to find suitable occupation as they lack of skills and do not accumulate enough experience. Consequently, it is inevitable they have to get daily-wage job to earn money. Another problem linked to the jobless is that a great deal people are homeless, which is drastically increasing in big cities. For instance, people, who are short of money, need to sleep on the sidewalks rather than cozy beds. Finally, we should take this problem into consideration. The quality of the air in many cities is declining dramatically day by day. This is because the smoke from factories and transportation increasing makes the air dirty. Homeless people sleeping outside have to breathe the unclean atmosphere, therefore, their respiratory system will be gradually destroyed.  
  
Turing to solutions, the biggest step would improve the level of life with regard to job, health. The government should encourage people to return back to their hometown. This can be possible if the media and the government raise rural people awareness of the abundance of natural's provision. Further step, the supervision should support to establish schools for specialize them more skills to exploit the diverse resources. Furthermore, to solve life's quality, we can help through raising fund and subsidize them allowing people to manage their life better.  
  
In conclusion, the key problems of this situation can be addressed through the combination of the government and our society.
While you wrote just the right number of words for this essay, the main problem with your presentation will be with regards to the coherence and cohesiveness of your presentation. There is a lack of clarity in your discussion presentations. I do not know if it is because you are transliterating the sentences from your native tongue to the English language or, if you really do not have a good grasp of the English sentence structures yet. You will definitely not get a passing score in 3 sections: LR, GRA, and C&C.  
  
There is an extreme difficulty on the part of the reader when it comes to trying to understand what you are trying to say in your sentences and paragraphs. You appear to have a problem with sentence structures and lack properly developed subject sentences. You have redundancies in your presentation (return back means the same thing. To return, means to go back) and you do not show an analytical ability in your sentence presentation.  
  
The analytical ability lies in the clarity of your explanation which, sad to say, are quite problematic in this presentation. I strongly urge you to learn how to write simple English sentences first. Do not use task 2 essays yet. Just write about simple subjects and topics. Try to keep writing until you learn how to properly structure English sentences using proper sentence formations and vocabulary. In fact, there are so many errors in this presentation that I do not know where to begin. Which is why I am focusing my advice on your biggest writing problem instead.  
  
While your second paragraph is the least problematic of your presentation, you failed to use connected discussion presentations in that paragraph. You needed only 2 connected topics in that presentation, properly connected by a transition sentence and containing information that helps to clarify how the problems are related and how the problems are related to the solutions you would be presenting next.  
  
Do not focus just on the word count. Nobody cares if you write a lot of English words when your sentences are not clearly explained and not easy to understand. Focus on clarity of your declarations. Your vocabulary and word count will come naturally from there.
## Huge money for some athletes

  
  
Topic: Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your opinion[/b]  
  
Many profitable and skillful sports players are paid a huge amount of money while others people working professionally in different fields. Some people agree with this situation while others are not. I believe that payment is reasonale.  
  
Firstly, plenty of famous professional footballers can get a contract worth several billion dollars which enough for their family to live the whole life. Not only is reward financed by club and donors of competition, but also his income comes from the advertisements of well-known label. For instance, giant properties of powerful David Beckham kicker make others admire. According statistics in 2007, he joined in LA Galaxy club with 250 million dollars contract in five years and his salary in that moment is 6.5 million dollars. That is the highest wage on the world until now. However, it is not just spoet players can earn a humongous amount of money, but a lot of employee in diverse and essential occupation can either. Clear example that is Bill Gates who is establisher of Microsoft obtains 33.3 million dollar per day. Therefore, if one person performs well their jobs, the boss will pay worthy of money for them, regardless of who.  
  
On the other hand, some people think that the remuneration of labour whoes profession are vital in society such as farmers, doctors, teachers is less than one of sports players, so this is unfair. Nevertheless, according career property, people playing sporst as occupation hold a great responsibility to bring prize and pride for country through severe competition. In addition, they need to exxperience high intensity of trainning and may suffer critical injuries which can dispossess their life. Indonesian Akli Fairio attacker of Persiraja club is a specific demonstration. He took a serious kick on his stomach when he pariticipanted in championship. After 6-day-treatment, he died at the age of 27.  
  
In conclusion, a great wage is paid for people efforting to finish perfectly thei work, it is not expect anyone. Some people may earn much money in a short time, but its is not unfair because they bet whole their life at this moment.
You misunderstood the discussion instruction. The original instruction for the triple topic presentation is:  
  
*OP: Discuss both these views and give your opinion*  
  
The discussion requirement is a 3 reasoning paragraph format comprised of:  
- Some people think this is fully justified  
- others think it is unfair.  
- Personal opinion  
  
You cannot present a personal opinion in the paraphrase section. That is impossible to do at that point since you have not completed the comparative discussion of the 2 reasons presented yet. You do not present your personal opinion in the paraphrase. You merely outline the discussion paragraphs in that case. The paraphrase should have been somewhat like this:  
  
*Paid athletes tend to earn more money than people who work in other notable occupations. While there are factions that support the large salary these financially compensated players receive, there are some groups that oppose the wages they receive because it is discriminatory towards other professions. I would like to develop and present my personal opinion on the topic after considering the supporting facts that both sides present.*  
  
Do not forget to use second and third person pronouns to represent the discussion for the public points of view. Use those in every paragraph except in the one that represents your personal point of view. That should be in the first person presentation. Without the extensive use of the second and third person pronouns in your essay, the discussion becomes one sided, a personal point of view alone. You need to use the pronouns properly as a part of the topic sentence per paragraph.  
  
Also, you have to remember that this type of discussion topic is always presented in the 5 paragraph format. Read the original prompt and then write down the discussion topics. The discussion topics will always correspond to the type of discussion instruction. In this case:  
  
Discussion topic: Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions  
  
Discussion instructions: Discuss both these views and give your opinion  
  
Points of view:  
1. Some people think this is fully justified  
2. others think it is unfair  
3. personal opinion  
  
Always outline the topic, discussion instruction, and topics for discussion before you start writing. That way you know exactly how many paragraphs you need to present and you will not accidentally misrepresent the discussion or format of the presentation.
THE FIRST ESSAY  
  
## water use worldwide and the water consumption

  
  
The graph illustrates water consumed on the world and the table compares water use between two countries namely Brazil, Democractic Republic of Congo.  
Overall, almost gobal water ulitized for agriculture, including Brazil and Democractic Republic of Congo, this increased in each sector. Moreover, the high population as Brazil absorbed more water than th nation which is less citizen as Congo.  
  
It is clear that 500 km3 water was used for irrigated sector in 1900. After on hundred years, this increased six times as much as one in 1900. Industry and domesticity were consumed less than 100 km3 water in 1900: however, there were rose 1000km3 and 250 km3 water repectively in 2000.  
  
According to the data, Brazil's popoulation is 176 million and 26500km2 land was spent for cultivating and breeding. One person living in Brazil wasted 359 m3 water while 8 m3 water was a number of a citizen in Congo where was the inhabitant of 5.2 million people and 100 km2 land in here was irrigated land used in 2000.  
  
*   
*The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and the water consumption*
**almost global**  
rose -> **rise**.  
this increased six times ... -> **this number/figure increased six....**.  
Brazil's popoulation ~~is~~  >>**was**176 million and 26500km2 land was spent for cultivating and breeding.  
You got lots of mistake grammars and wrong spellings in your essay. I think you should try to focus on 1 essay and look back carefully to improve that. And you can consult other's essays.  
  
Anyway, try to provide a 3 sentence minimum per paragraph.
***Films were produced by big companies in the past, but today people are able to make a film.*  
## Do you think this trend is positive or negative?**  
  
It is true that these days making a film is growing popularity with everyone while only large companies could do in the past. Personally, I believe that this trend has both positive and negative effects in equal measure.  
  
On the one hand, this trend has several positive ramifications. Firstly, this creates great opportunities in which creative ideas can grow. When cameras are accessible and films are easy to make, normal people have a chance to show their imagination through videos and films. Especially, this trend is beneficial to the youth and children who need to determine their own passion, and making films might be some children's latent talent. Secondly, some of the related industries reap the benefits of the trend. Demands for filming are becoming so popular that related industries such as cameras and video making software are producing more and more to meet the needs of costumers.  
  
On the other hand, it is wrong to reject the drawbacks of the trend. The first drawback is that it is a huge opportunity for bad and low-quality videos reach viewers. In the modern world, thousands of videos are creating in a day so that they can not all be censored. Many of them could be harmful to people, especially children. Secondly, big filming companies might see a significant decrease in their revenue. When everyone can make their own films, the big companies lose their exclusive access to costumers. For instance, people today are not excited when a new film is released as they did before because films are available every day.  
  
In conclusion, the fact that people these days can easily make films is attributable to several factors. I personally believe that this trend has benefits and drawbacks at the same time.
This is not a comparative essay or advantage/disadvantage conversation. It is a single opinion essay that requires you to choose one side to fully justify within 2 reasoning paragraphs. There is no middle ground in this presentation. You are tasked to present a clear position on the given topic otherwise you risk getting a 3 TA score. The 3 TA score us automatic when you fail to choose one side to defend in the presentation. Failure to pick one side could actually result in the failure of your paper since the TA consideration scores you down for not having a clear position in the paper. A clear position is signified by a solid support for one of the two options provided.  
  
You know that this is not a comparative essay because it contains the word OR in it. OR is used to refer to words that represent alternatives. You cannot choose both when faced with an alternative. You can only opt for one, not both since an alternative is a choice between two or more things with the option to choose only one of the two.
## Who is responsible for reducing global environmental hazards?

  
  
In this day and age, it goes without saying that global warming is a hot topic that people have concerned. In addition, it is believed that governments should take responsibilities for minimizing the bad effects of global warming. However, it is believed that people can mitigate environmental damage. From my part of views, I support this view with arguments in the following paragraphs.  
  
To begin with, governments should introduce laws to limit emissions from factories. Moreover, they can reuse energy as solar, water snd wind power. Actually, they can work out with the organization to protect green house emissions to make atmosphere cleaner and healthier.  
  
It is certainly that if governments and individuals should work together. Governments mitigate the problem of over consuming and reduce the fossil fuel usage and people ought to launch eco products to safeguard environment. Last but not least, governments have to punish strong penalty those destroying the forest .  
  
On the other hand, saving electricity is needed as it saves a thousand pounds of carbon dioxide a year. Apart from that, people need to plant trees and drive less as possible as they can. Next, they will have a awarness how to preserve our mother nature and they may take part in Earth day which is a meaningful event to preserve environment  
  
All things considered, global warming is a main threat to human, wildlife and ecosystem of the planet. Both governments and individuals are responsible for reducing global environmental hazards .
This is a single opinion essay. As a single opinion essay, you are not allowed to support both sides of the discussion. You can only support one of the two sides presented, using the measured response method. Since you did not follow the required paragraph response format, you will not be able to get a passing score for this essay. The TA section requires you to pick a side to support because the essay is asking you; "To what extent do you agree or disagree?". Since you did not offer a clear position on the given topic, by choosing one of the two sides to support in your discussion, your TA score will most likely be 3. The score of 3 represent the fact that you did not express a position even though one was required in the essay.  
  
You are also using memorized phrases that examiners consider very old and disappointing to read. "In this day and age" isn't really a phrase that sits well with the examiner. It is not a phrase that helps present your opinion, nor does it help to move the essay discussion forward. Hence, the examiners dislike reading such memorized phrases in the exam essays.  
  
Another reason that this essay will fail is because it lacks the minimum word count. The minimum count is 250 words, you wrote 246. Points will be deducted for not meeting the minimum word requirement. So, overall, the essay failed to deliver on the most important parts and as such, will not meet the minimum requirements for a passing score.
## mixed opinions regarding the change of the world

  
  
Essay topic: Some people believe that the world is changing for the better. Some argue that things are changing for the worse. Which statement do you agree with?  
  
Opinions are mixed regarding the change of the world. Some people claim that it is changing for the better day by day. Some assert the reverse that the world itself is getting down. Personally, I find the second idea more convincing.  
  
Initially, in our fast-paced and highly integrated world, technology has been revolutionising with a great amount of cutting-edge equipment. However, this leads to the fact that the Internet actually set people far apart, we communicate through screens. Additionally, our children or friends could get abused not only face-to-face but also cyber bully. Furthermore, the age of people who can get access to the Internet is getting younger than ever before. Uncensored or inappropriate content might be seen by children. For instance, some Youtube channels with a numerous number of subscribers such as 5-minute craft or Troom Troom have made a myriad of videos about daily life tricks but most of them are incorrect and even harmful as well not to mention some detrimental games like the Blue Whale challenge or Momo challenge.  
  
Another point to consider is that the industrialised revolution has seriously damaged the environment. Some of the main reasons can be named as the overuse of non-renewable fossil fuels and the excessive emissions of greenhouse gases like CO2 or CFC. This will eventually lead to the destruction of the ozone layer, greenhouse effect and the extinction of many species. All of the problems above will definitely cause the loss of biodiversity. Imagine one day human beings no longer exist since the destruction of ourselves to the world that we are living in. The Australia bushfires could be a good example. It caused the deaths of thousands of Koalas, which is a third of the number of this species in Australia.  
  
All things considered, it is my strong belief that the world with human domination is deteriorating. Although our living standard has reached a far better condition, but we cannot deny the fact that most aspects of our lives saw a foreseeable degradation.
By writing 355 words, you have shown that you can type fast, but, can you hand write just as fast within 40 minutes? I don't think so. Always practice by setting your timer and using a practice booklet. Hand write the essay as you would at the testing center. If you do not practice using the actual test setting, you will find yourself lacking for time and being unable to complete the essay in the handwritten form on the actual test day. Use the actual test setting when practicing so you there won't be any surprises for you come test day.  
  
Your response to the prompt is unclear. What exactly do you mean by: *Some assert the reverse that the world itself is getting down.*  
  
Getting down is English slang for one of two things: (1) Going to a dance floor or (2) to be cool with something. Neither of which apply to what I think you want to say. Remember, you have to be clear in your statements otherwise you will lose points for coherence. If something is unclear to the examiner, he will definitely score you downward for it. Additionally, you are not being asked about whether you are convinced by the statement. You are being asked if you agree or disagree with it. So your response isn't aligned with the discussion question and will cost you more deductions in the TA section.  
  
You should only be writing a maximum of 5 sentences that have a topic sentence to start with, followed by a reasoning explanation, an example, then a supporting justification for the example, and finally, a transition sentence into the next paragraph. All you did was present reason after reason, without a justified explanation, so your ideas are all under developed and will not score well when it comes to cohesiveness and coherence.  
  
Basically the content and presentation of this essay is problematic. It is not going to achieve a 5 band score because of the lack of clarity in the discussion along with the lack of explanations and justifications for the reasons presented. Don't just keep presenting reasons, you need to be able to justify the reasons as well. 2 reasons in 2 connected paragraphs would suffice for this type of 4 paragraph essay.