dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***Extreme sports such as skydiving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

  
  
It is believed that daredevil sports, such as skydiving or skiing, should be restricted because of the threats they pose to players. I disagree with this viewpoint because imposing a ban on these sports may create some repercussions.  
  
Admittedly, if people are prevented from playing extreme sports, they can better protect their lives. Every year, hundreds of people die while engaging in activities such as bungee jumping or skydiving. This happens because they do not adhere to safety precautions or lack life-saving equipment. Even if they have had proper preparation before participating in these games, the risk of serious injuries is still considerably high. Owing to these reasons, a ban needs to be implemented on these types of sports, so that people can stay safe and avoid severe damage to their bodies.  
  
However, I believe that the banning decision is unwise since it might result in some disadvantages. It first renders many people lose their livelihoods. For example, athletes in extreme sports would be unable to participate in relevant professional competitions, thus not earning the prize money that helps sustain their livings. Store owners who sell gears such as helmets, parachutes, or safety gloves also have to stop running their businesses, thereby losing substantial profits. Second, many individuals can no longer practice their habits of playing daredevil sports to relieve stress or to satisfy their adventurous nature. This may lead to widespread disappointment and a series of negative feelings that cannot be appeased. Apparently, the community would not be benefited if extreme sports were not allowed to be played.  
  
In conclusion, I do not concur with the proposed statement. Although a prohibition of participation in such sports enables people to escape grave dangers to their lives, it should not be put into practice because of the adverse impacts it causes.
I disagree with this viewpoint  
The question was "To what extent?". A simple disagreement does not suit the question response. The format for the presentation must state the strength by which the writer believes in his personal opinion. Is it an unwavering belief? A strong disagreement?A vehement opposition? That is the "extent" of your response. Good work on the preliminary reason presentation though. You clearly showed an understanding of the topic and its related discussion point (s).  
  
The essay will be considered under explained. The first reasoning paragraph is not related to the writer's opinion whereas the second paragraph, clearly supports his opinion. So the previous paragraph will not receieve a score due to irrelevance. The second paragraph is well developed, but needs another supporting reason to show that the writer has the ability to present a cohesive discussion, which, right now, is missing due to the unrelated first paragraph discussion.  
  
I do not concur  
The writer's strength of conviction is missing again. That has to be restated in the conclusion as a part of the summary recap.
@Holt  
Anyway, this is a re-edited version, is it better than the original one?  
  
It is believed that daredevil sports such as skydiving and skiing should be restricted because of their dangerous nature. Although I agree that these sports pose considerable risks to players, I think they should not be banned at all.  
  
Admittedly, extreme sports are truly perilous and may threaten the lives of any participants. They mostly involve life-threatening physical maneuvers such as jumping off from high altitude or traveling at tremendously high speed. If players are careless or lack some of the protective gears such as helmets or body armors while performing them, they might face the risk of being seriously injured or losing their lives. Because of these reasons, there are many warning signs at every extreme sports site to remind people of the dangers they can suffer from. Apparently, that playing extreme sports is unsafe is a widely acknowledged one.  
  
However, I believe that a banning decision on these types of sports should not be implemented because of these following reasons. First, they are not as risky as they might seem. This is because there are several ways to mitigate their danger. For example, people can have special training sessions with the professionals before engaging in extreme sports, and their entire playing process must be placed under strict supervision by the safety staff. Second, supposed the government proceeds to prohibit these sports, it may face rigorous public opposition. Such waves of protest are mainly from people who consider playing extreme sports a way to satisfy their thirst for adventure, and they would view the prohibition as a violation of their human rights. Thus, it would be unwise to make extreme sports against the rules.  
  
In conclusion, though I subscribe to the viewpoint that extreme sports are hazardous, I think there is no need to enact a ban on them because of the reasons mentioned above.
## Television and children

  
  
It is true that both films and movies are the common features of every individuals, especially children. Consequently, most of things on it can be useful for the future of them.  
  
There are many lessons what children can learn from watching films, and one of which is language . In fact, it can appear in most film, which is performed by subtitles. Thus, children can learn about most common of its such as accent, vocabulary, specific of language. For example, some student who want to learn English often find a film having an English subtitle. Moreover, each film has their own characters, which had their own back ground. Thus, they will know about any features of culture in the foreign countries such as the way they eat and behave with others character.  
  
However, it has two reason why argued that these lesson is very efficient for each chilldren. Firstly, due to these subtitles on its, children will reduce the time to learn a second language, that's make these individuals can reduce their times to master it. According to the recent research, children who master the second language will not only have the high level of IQ but also easy to communicate with the others. Secondly, each film has their own behavior and the manner of characteristic and they will broaden their knowledge about every factors of social and culture. Thus, it will get a huge effect for each youngster on their future.  
  
To conclude, both civilization and foreign language is the lesson that children is able to learn throughout films and movies. Consequently, I strongly believe that films or movie can bring up many positive impact for most youngsters. Personally, I strongly believe that it brings more positive impact to each children.
It is true that  
This paragraph does not make sense to a native English reader. That means, the prompt restatement + opinion is not clear to the reader due to a lack of control over sentence structure and word usage. The first paragraph will receive a failing TA score. This will practically ensure that the essay is not going to get an overall passing score.  
  
The essay will receive a failing score, even though the writer shows great effort in doing his best respond to the prompt. The lack of control over sentence structure, the lack of coherence in the paragraphs, the lack of clarity in thought presentation, the highly limited grammar range, all add up to the lowest possible scores, based on the scoring rubic for this exam taker.
## change of culture and traditional values

  
  
Over the past decades, there has been a remarkable change in life of the Vietnamese people. While it is argued that change has decreased the quality of many traditional values and practices, I totally disagree with this view. The purpose of this essay is to explain why I disagree with it.  
  
The first supporting point is that the fashion industry is growing rapidly. Vietnamese costumes are also known all over the world, including Ao Dai, or Vietnamese traditional costumes. Nowadays, many designs of Ao Dai have been innovated to match the style of young people. Notwithstanding, what makes these designs unique is that they not only maintain traditional beauty but also enhance a woman's grace. In that way, Ao Dai is always the pride of the Vietnamese people.  
  
Another compelling example is that Tet holiday which is regarded as a huge and deeply rooted tradition in Vietnam. Tet is an occasion for people to reunite and visit relatives and friends. In the current pandemic situation, Tet is even more meaningful so that people who are far away from their families can reunite after a long time apart. In other words, thanks to Tet holiday, the relationship between people becomes closer and closer.  
  
Moreover, Vietnamese authors are dramatically successful thanks to the development of reading culture in today's society. Whether it is a paper book or an e-book, it provides everybody with in-depth knowledge about the cultural and traditional values of different parts of our country.  
  
In conclusion, changes in Vietnamese society help Vietnam develop in all aspects, such as economy and tourism, but still maintain the traditional values of our country.
I am not sure why you are focused on Vietnam for this discussion. The original prompt references a general trend in the change of culture and traditional values. It is not solely focused on Vietnam. Did you create your own prompt requirement for this? If yes, then you should have included your original prompt so that I can properly review your essay. Please provide that next time.  
  
The purpose of this essa  
The examiner is not interested in a restatement of the purpose of the essay. You should have already accomplished that in the prompt restatement sentence. This section should only represent your opinion, along with the simple basis of your opinion, which will be expanded upon in the next paragraphs. There is no need to restate what is obvious to the examiner. Large percentage points will be lost that way.
## traditonal cultures will be lost as technology develops

  
  
Nowadays, the advance in technology brings several benefits for people, it plays an important role in our daily life. Some people believe that high-technical stuff has a bad influence on traditional cultures., traditional habits could be replaced by advancements. For me, I don't agree with this assertion, technological tendency and traditional habits can co-exist.  
  
At first look, technological advancements may make work easier, but traditional cultures are time-honored traditions that represent a country's beauty culture. Handmade items, such as traditional handicrafts, are popular tourist attractions in Vietnam. Another example is Mochi, traditional Japanese cuisine that is prepared in a traditional manner by an expert chef in order to bring good fortune in the next year.  
  
Second, traditional handcrafted items have grown popular as a result of the rise of social media. Based on the growth of technology, there are many convenient ways for us to make a journey to natural landscapes. People nowadays enjoy spending their vacations in the countryside, which helps them to be more relaxed and peaceful. For instance, since Tiktok became popular, people have known more about traditional vacation customs around the world.  
  
To summarize, both technology and old cultures will be necessary for our future lives. They are able to co-exist and supply our core values in many ways. The balanced development in both aspects is a trending of the future.
I don't agree with this assertio  
The question is, to what degree? So the response format is not proper. The degree of disagreement should be presented in a way that merges the measurement with the thesis statement. The prompt restatement + personal opinion will receive markdowns for the incomplete response statement.  
  
Another example is Mochi,  
Use the examples as a second paragraph. For the first reasoning paragraph, merge the 2 related reasons for the explanation so that the C+C score will get a better consideration.  
  
Based on the growth of  
This is the actual topic sentence for this paragraph, this is where the paragraph should start. Using the sentence and then providing examples within would have created an engaging and highly infomative discussion presentation.  
  
To summarize,  
Good recap. However, you forgot to reiterate your personal opinion in the form of a paraphrased measured response. So the conclusion will have to receive minimal points deductions, just like the prompt restatement paragraph.
## Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar

  
  
Nowadays, various mass-produced food and beverage which are loaded with sugar and other concerning preservatives are claimed to be responsible for the significant surge in health-associated problems. Therefore, many suggest that imposing a heavy tax on such products can discourage potential consumers. From my perspective, I believe that this solution can be sufficient.  
  
First of all, the introduction of said law will expectedly be a heated debate. Since most economical goods available in the current market fall under the "unhealthy" category, with such a tremendous tax increase, the majority of the population would not be able to afford such luxury. However, it is not certain that the price of the more health-beneficial products will be deducted. Therefore, inflation will assumingly take place, leading to public controversy.  
  
On the other hand, it is crucial that government funding is allocated to the production of less health-deleterious food as well as the promotion of sustainable consumerism. It is likely that once an individual is committed to a healthy lifestyle and fully acknowledges the perks of the alteration, they will be willing to maintain such practice in the long run. Besides, if health-conscious diets are broadcasted, the related illness would be curbed. As a consequence, the global health care system will be elated and may switch its focus to more innovative developments.  
  
In conclusion, the initial adaption to such a drastically different diet may cause unease. However, a sharp rise in tax imposition on junk as well as the promotion of sufficient eating habits food should be proficient at disregarding people from self-damaging.
and other concerning preservatives  
Do not add information to the presentation. Doing so alters the original content presentation and reduces the accuracy score for the restatement.  
  
I believe that this solution can be sufficient.  
The discussion instruction is not asking if you think the solution is acceptable. It is asking you to think about whether you support the solution presented by (dis)agreeing with the statement. The response format is incorrect and not applicable as a response to the original question. The response must cleary represent the keyword response to the question.  
  
The reasoning paragraphs have not focused on the soda tax discussion alone. The alterations range from:  
  
it is not certain that the price of the more health-beneficial products will be deducted. Therefore, inflation will assumingly take place  
The second reason is so off-base, there is noway it can recieve a partial score. A partial score is all the previous paragraph will recieve. So, while this is a heavily worded essay, it will not receive a passing score. It is just too far from the discussion expectations.
## rebuilding relationship with father

  
  
As a child, I believed that my father was my hero, the first man who would embrace and love me regardless of my flaws. He was a hero to me. He spends most of his time away from us to provide us with a brighter future. In everything I do, I do it to make him and mama proud. I thought our life was perfect, that is, my father was the best, but everything changed in an instant when I found out about my father's infidelity.  
  
Days before my mom's birthday, I found out that my father was having an affair with his first love. That revelation shattered me, my sister but most especially my mom. After that, life was not as exciting and happy as I remember it was. I wake up every day feeling unworthy, knowing that the first man I ever loved might abandon us. There are times when I don't even want to talk to my friends. I never told anyone about this because I didn't want to be a burden to anyone. I was scared that they might see my father the wrong way; he's still my father after all. I once thought that I was not good at anything, but now I realize that I'm good at hiding the pain I'm feeling. What broke me was seeing my mother doing her best to smile despite the heartbreak. My admiration and love for my mother have grown as I observe how she keeps her head up and fights through the pain for my sister and me while bearing the most brutal pain of her life. In the end, my father asked for our forgiveness which we all accepted, hoping that he would change not just for us but for himself. I'm hoping that he will become a better father, especially the best husband that my mama deserves.  
  
As I was writing this memoir, I recalled a conversation with a friend long ago. She asked about the most challenging situation in my life. I told her that God had not given me one because he knew I couldn't handle it, but now I realize God gave me one because he knows I can take it. Sometimes, I would still cry alone at night and get reminded about that moment, but I'm slowly rebuilding my relationship with my father, myself, and God. Right now, I don't care about the reason it happened and choose to enjoy the moment and be grateful for the things I have, especially my mom and my sister
The writer keeps confusing the timeline of his memoir presentation. He cannot make up his mind as to whether to present this in present or past tense. Since this is a memoir, it is reflection of the writer based on past events. The keyword being "past". So the time references in the essay need to be in past form. The iconcistent time reference is what is most irritating about this memoir. The writer needs to realize that a memoir is based on "memories" and therefore, must be highlighted in presentation from a hindsight look.  
  
As this should be a balanced memoir, the writer should focus on presenting an aspect of how the father's relationship with his children changed as well. Not just from the fear of the children, but from the actual interaction with him to help depict how the family dynamic truly changed for them. That includes how the sister reacted and how that relationship changed between her and their father, and between the siblings as well.
## IELTS writing task 1 pie charts

  
  
The pie charts illustrate the proportion of six categories of average household expenditures in 1950 and 2010.  
  
Overall, the money spent on housing made up the majority of household expenditures in 1950 as opposed to food expenses in 2010. The percentage of health care expenditure was the least in both years. While the proportion for food, health care, transportation and other expenses increased, that for housing and education dropped during the period given.  
  
Regarding the categories of expenditures that grew, the percentage of money spent on transportation in 2010 (14%) was over 4 times higher than that in 1950 (3.3%) compared to the figure for health care expenses which only doubled over the years (from 2.4% to 4.5%). Significant growth in expenditure could be seen in the food category, which had increased by 22.8% since 1950 and accounted for 34% of the average household expenditure in 2010.  
  
On the other hand, the percentage of housing expenditure went down considerably, from almost three-fourths to around one-fifth of the total expenses, while the figure for education remained relatively stable, at around 6.5%.  
  
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*2 pie charts*
The pie charts  
How many charts? How would you clearly differentiate the representations of each chart? How are these titled in the original presentation?  
  
the proportion of six categories  
Make the actual proportion measurement clear to the reader as this is clearly indicated in the actual image. Include a quick run-down of the 6 listed identifiers prior to its inclusion in the trending paragraph. The enumeration will allow the reader to quickly understand, remember, and consider the information coming from the trending paragraph.  
  
The writer must consider using more sentences within the paragraph presentations. The requirement is for 3-5 comparative sentences, which do not represent run-on sentences. The simple and complex sentence presentations can use improvement. Avoid using only single or 2 sentence run-on presentations as presented in this report.
## what can be done to encourage people to use bicycles more?

  
  
It is true that the number of bike users is significantly decreasing in the modern era due to the development of advanced vehicles such as cars, motorbikes. This essay would attempt to cast light on the primary causes of this situation before outlining some viable solutions to motivate them to spend their time on cycling.  
  
There are several reasons why the usage of bicycles today is less than in the past. First and foremost, in the 4.0 era, people are getting busier with their jobs. Thus, individuals have a tendency to use modern transport such as automobiles, motorbikes or public transport which are obviously faster than bicycles. In addition, in some countries, including Vietnam, there are few cycling lanes, not even. Therefore, cyclists could witness some difficulty in traffic.  
  
However, several measures could be taken to encourage people to use this form of transport. The first solution is that the governments should increase taxes on motorbikes or cars. In Australia, for example, the authorities have raised taxes on gasoline to stimulate their citizens to use environmentally-friendly means of transport. Simultaneously, reducing air pollution which is caused by the emission of transport using petrol. Furthermore, governments should spend money in the state budget on expanding cycling lanes and impose the rules of those lanes. This will urge individuals to utilize bicycles. Finally, the price of bicycles should be decreased by bike companies to help inhabitants buy those items easier.  
  
To conclude, there are various reasons for the use of bicycles going down, and appropriate steps need to be taken to tackle this problem.  
  
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*Question*