dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them lean this distinction.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishement should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?  
  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  
  
## the "appropriate" punishment

  
  
As we know, it is essential to let children understand and distinguish the good and bad behaviour in the early age. Some people hold the opinion that to facilitate the knowing of this distinction, punishment is necessary.  
  
In some areas, excessive physical punishment is wildly used in the home and schools by parents and teachers. The abuse of excessive punishment will cause some side effects. For instance, children is tend to be more violent in their whole life. These children who experienced excessive physical punishment will exert this punishment and violence to other people if they get a chance. In the worst scenaris, an extremely crime will be conducted by these people who suffered punishment in their childhood. Besides, exerting too much punishment on their children will be the barrier between the parents and children. this will deepen the gap and obstacle the comminication between parents and children. The consequence is the children will not trust their parents and teachers and as everyone know, trustworthy is hard to be rebuilt. Furthermore, excessive physical punishment is harmful for the health of children or even destroy the confidence of the young children.  
  
To make the children be aware of the right and wrong things, some mild punishment will be helpful. For example, giving the children farm work if they waster some food. This kind of punishment will teach them the hard working behind each rice. Or let them fix the toys if they intend to damage it. This sorts of punishment will guide them to the right direction in their life. It is easier for these children to accept this and acquire new skills. Moreover, this proper punishment will enhace the trustworthy and communication between parents, teachers and children.  
  
In conclusion, excessive punishment will go to the opposite direction for education, however, appropriate punishment is highly recommended to guide the children to the right behaviour.
Hi, I think you did a great job. You addressed the prompt correctly and your format is effective. Your writing is clear for the most part, but I do have some suggestions:  
  
... distinguish ~~the~~ good and bad behaviour [at an] early age. {You have not mentioned behaviour previously in your paragraph, so I would not use "the" here}  
  
... facilitate [learning] this distinction ... {this seems more concise and natural}  
  
... children ~~is~~ tend to be more violent in their whole life. {this is confusing - which children? and I think you mean "children who are punished in this fashion tend to be more violent later in their lives"}  
  
... exert this punishment and violence [on] other people ...  
  
... In the worst [scenarios], an [extreme] crime ...  
  
...on their children will [create a] barrier  
  
... gap and obstacle the [communication] {obstacle is a noun - you need a verb here}  
  
... and as everyone know[s ], [trust] is hard ...  
  
... health of children or [can] even destroy ...  
  
... aware of the right and wrong things, {try to avoid using things - be more specific. Here maybe "actions"}  
  
...farm work if they [waste] some food. ...  
  
.. teach them the hard [work] behind each [grain of] rice. ...  
  
... intend to damage [them]. [These] sorts of punishment ...  
  
... [enhance] the [trust] and communication ...  
  
... punishment will go to the opposite direction for education {this phrase sounds odd an unnatural}
**People believe that children's leisure time must be educational, otherwise they are complete waste of time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## controlling children activities

  
  
It is true that children frequently squander their spare time on worthless activities.Therefore, I completely agree with the idea that the majority part of children's free time should be instructive and enlightening, so that they would not spend their precious time in vain.  
  
First and most importantly, the lack of interest by parents in their children's free time activities' content may bring regrettable outcomes.They can be involved in unfavorable activities, such as juvenile delinquency, bullying or smoking. If their parents organized for them their free time plan and sent them to private tutorials or enlightening programs devoted to children, the levels of their knowledge and outlook could be significantly broadened. Therefore, I am inclined to deem instructive free time activities admirable for children's development. Otherwise, they can fall into the habit of squandering their free time from early ages, and as a result, we would have posterity of undisciplined people instead of erudite generation.  
  
Furthermore, in my opinion, there is also another reason regarding children's future careers supporting the idea that their free time activities should be instructive. Although many people can question my this idea, and consider that they are too young to commence thinking about their future jobs, it seems to me that creating childish programs making them aware of the diversity of professions with the help of games would prevent them from their future concerns in terms of the job selection. (Explain) For instance, there can be role plays in which children are educated for advantages as well as disadvantages of one particular job. (Example) Since these would be just games for them, they could be interested in them with great joy. This approach may arouse the curiosity about occupations in their souls.  
  
Overall, I fully support the view that children should be exposured to beneficial activities during their free time which in turn can educate them.
Hi,  
It's a great response. I hope my comment will assist you in writing the response.  
  
First and most importantly, the lack of interest by parents ...  
I think the main idea of the paragraph is not match with the entire paragraph. You should focus on how children free time activities can result negative outcome as you mentioned not the lack of interest from their parents.  
  
Furthermore, ~~in my opinion~~, there ......  
... people can question my ~~this~~  idea......  
--> you can use either "this" or "my"  
  
that creating ~~childish~~  programs  
I think that is not an appropriate term. You can write "children programs/activities"  
  
Hope you find this helpful!!
**- With the pressures on today's young people to succeed academically, some people believe that non-academic subjects at school (eg: physical education and cookery) should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## the intense of student's study

  
  
Nowadays, people are concerning about the intense of student's study. Along with that, it is generally believed that getting into university is the best way for future's career. Therefore, they come up with the solution of getting rid of non-academic subjects such as physical education, music, cookery. On my point of view, this is a subjective idea, which can not wholly answer for this question.  
  
Admittedly, academic subjects are considered as major in school but in my opinion, it is as important as the non-academic ones. While theoretical disciplines increase the logical thinking, the other not only improve student's creative thinking but also their physical strength. It can be exemplified that physical education is very important with students. If alumnus is sedentary for a period of time without exercise, it may easily lead to degenerative spine and also many diseases related to bones.  
  
In addition, choosing to study academic or non-academic subjects depends on each student's future dream and career. You can not make a fish climb a tree. Each student have their own ability and also their own talent. For instant, a student who have the right brain developed and want to be an artist or singer usually don't prefer subjects like math, biology and also don't really use them later. So why they have to study all of the theoretical disciplines while their preference is not in syllabus?  
  
In conclusion, I myself think that the reasonable solution is not to remove any kind of subject but to free the students to choose their own subjects that they can take benefit in the future.
Hi..You got to know that essay question with agree and disagree type can be answered by five forms of answers. This all is fully agree, fully disagree, mostly agree, mostly disagree, or balance position. However, the way that you made your essay here is not one of them. In this case, actually you are only asked whether to agree with the idea or not, and the reasons confirming your preference should be addressed in the body paragraph. In addition, I noticed that the structure of your body paragraph is still far from what is expected. Thus, your thought is hard to follow. As refinement, I am going to tell you that body paragraph consists of three essential elements: topic sentence, supporting sentence, and conclusion. Those components can be broken down into Idea (the first reason why you choose your position (agree for example), explanation (a description of your idea), example (can be either academic reference or real example related to the idea), and semi conclusion (restatement of idea, along with its explanation).  
  
I hope this little suggestion can help you to improve your IELTS writing skills.  
Thanks :D
## tourists in brighton looking for fun

  
  
The line graph compares the proportion of visitors to England who went to four attractions in Brition in the period between 1980 and 2010.  
  
Overall, only the Pavilon and the Pier saw an increase in the number of tourist visiting them over the period of 30 years while the figures for the other attractions fell.  
  
It can be seen from the graph that in 1980,the Festival accounted for the highest number of visitors with exactly 30%. The percentage of tourists to the Pavilon and the Art Gallery were lower, both were roughly under 25%. However, the figure for Pier was the lowest, at only 10%.  
  
Over the 30-year period, Brighton witnessed a fluctuating increase to approximately 30% in the number of tourists to Pavilon. By contrast, there was a steady decrease to around 28% in the figure for Festival in 2010, but this was still higher than the one of the Pier which was roughly over 20%. Although the percentage visting the Art Gallery reached a peak of about 35% in 1985, this dropped significantly to just under 10% at the end of the period.  
  
*
Hi  
I think you have been working hard with pies/charts/diagrams. That's why your language use is good such as accounted for, proportions, reach a peak at... So keep up with your good work.  
  
On the other hand, I believe you can rephrase the introduction much better: The line graph compares the proportion ... e.g The figures/proportions of visitors to England who traveled to Art Gallery, Pavilon, Pier and Festival are depicted in the line chart. In my viewpoint, it makes your paraphrasing much different.  
  
Also, Brighton or Brition in the introduction?  
Best
**The desire of corporations to maximize profits creates conflict with the general welfare of the nation at large  
  
Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above. Support your views with reasons and/or examples from your own experience, observations or reading.**  
  
## hidden intensions of big corporations

  
  
Government corporations main aim is to work for the welfare of their people. Although sometimes they can desire to maximize the profit for increasing the revenue but if people are not satisfied by their works, then people revolt against the corporation creating resentment. The  
  
issue states that if corporations always aim of their profits without giving due consideration to development of nation then people are sure to revolt and create conflict. I totally agree with the statement assuming that corporation desire is only to maximize the profit and not welfare of nation.  
  
To support my viewpoint on the issue, let me give an example currently very trending in India. The corporation of Mumbai dreams to build the tallest statue of the great king Shivaji in Mumbai coast. The budget of the project is more than 3000 crores of Rupees. Though the project seems to be appealing but there is lot of opposition from the people. Citizens opined that such large amount of money can be instead diverted for the problems Mumbai is facing like the sanitation, road development, poverty, slum rehabilitation. If the corporation uses that money efficiently then people will not conflict and be grateful to the corporation.  
  
While maximizing the profit, corporations should understand the views of the public. They should also consider the suggestions stated by the public. In India, the corporation aimed to construct the nuclear power plant in Jaitapur without considering the public opinion. Though project offers a lot of opportunity to the residents nearby, but still the project is suffering the opposition only because it could not fathom the general sentiments of the public. The land was confiscated without taking the due consideration of the owners and thus they raised conflicts against the project.  
  
Though many times the corporation's want to be lucrative consequently leads to welfare of nation, the corporation should assimilate and acquiesce the public's view if possible and contemplate their opinions. They should have a balanced approach and giving equal weight to both profit as well as welfare of nation.
**The main aim of** government corporations is to work for the welfare of their people.  
  
Although sometimes they can desire to maximize the profit for increasing the revenue, **people revolt against them creating resentment if not satisfied by their works.**  
  
without giving due consideration to **the** development of nation  
  
... assuming that corporation**'s** desire is only to (...) and not **for the** welfare of nation.  
... let me give an example ~~currently very trending~~ **which is now trending** in India.  
  
... to be appealing, ~~but~~ there is**a**lot of oppositions ...  
..., road development, poverty, **and** slum rehabilitation  
  
Though **the** project offers a lot of opportunit**ies** to the residents nearby, ~~but~~ still **it** ~~the project is suffering~~ **gains** t~~he opposition~~ n**egative criticisms** only because it could ...
Hi guys, can you help me evaluate my essay?  
Thank you in advance.  
It is for IELTS writing task 2.  
===========================  
**People listen to music for different reasons and at different times. Why is music important to many people? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.**  
  
## Why is music important to many people?

  
  
Music has grown with humans beings from its creation to the actual time and seems that the phenomenon is not going to stop.  
It has always been a part of a culture, used for traditional rite in the ancient communities. Today it has developed as a natural habit to relax or in others particular circumstances of people's life. Men and women find in music a friend, support and an instrument to release all the stress accumulated during that period. There are lots of reasons why someone listens to music and also the kind of music preferred is strictly personal.  
  
In the middle ages it has been used, I mean music, to improve the confidence of the soldiers for a fight. Nowadays it is used, by part of the population, to study better or to concentrate before a test.  
  
There are some people that can perform in the same way, or even better, without music support. Those are rare though.  
Music is also adopted for important events, like marriage or birthday's parties.  
I, personally speaking, find in music a way to silence all the noise produced by the modern society. That noise sometimes does not let you think properly, distracting your brain from the real goals that you want to achieve.  
  
In conclusion, music is an important aspect of the humans' life and as we can see from the past it will never disappear, although it will change in accord with the times, mutating itself to meet people's desire.
Write a more powerful introduction:  
  
"Humans have been listening and appreciating music for eons for various reasons ranging from participating in cultural activities to de-stressing."  
  
It is important to mention reasons in introduction and explain it in following paragraphs.  
  
Problem with your answer: IELTS demands clear structure in writing section. I can't see that in your answer. (I'm an online IELTS trainer)  
  
Let me propose a structure and perhaps you'll prefer to rewrite:  
  
Introduction  
Body Para 1: Reason 1, Example 1  
Body Para 2: Reason 2, Example 2  
Conclusion  
  
Example 1 must relate to reason 1. Example 2 must relate to reason 2.  
  
Best Wishes.
**Nowadays it is possible to use computers and mobile phones for automatic language translation, and there is no need for human translators and interpreters. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?**  
  
## automatic translation technology

  
  
People have different views about the effective way of translating local language for the foreigner. While some people convinced that using mobile phones and computers to translate language automatically is a better way than renting translators. I totally disagree with this statement, as I strongly believe that human is an indispensable factor in this case and machines cannot understand all meaning of the text.  
  
To begin with, translated machines have some limitations which can lead people misunderstanding the meaning of language. Firstly, the electronic translators have limited database, which just contained popular words of all languages and some phrases cannot be translated by these devices. For example, when foreigners use slangs or idioms in speaking, people cannot understand without having experienced or an interpreter beside. In some cases, computer and mobile may be effective in translating the single word or short phrases, but it is not flexible with the long sentences. Translated programs tend to transform complicated sentences to word by word, so that reader cannot apprehend fully the meaning. Therefore, translated devices just found a good use among children to define the meaning of words.  
  
Further emphasizing on my point of view, a human interpreter is much more useful than any computer or mobile devices. A translator may communicate with foreigner frequently without any trouble, for using mobile to translate, it is impossible if they do not have internet network. For example, when you enjoy a trip in a foreign country, interpreter helps you not only communicate with local citizens but also get you experience and knowledge about culture, manner, and custom... So that, a human translator is much more convenient than any electronic devices.  
  
In conclusion, the advancement of technology is undeniable, however, the automatic program should use on searching vocabulary or short word. I believe that human translator sources are integral in the world and do not have any machines can replace them.
## early visit

  
  
It's Sunday, I got up so early, because I'll go to see my nephew.  
I've had breakfast before seven o'clock.Then I went to train station on foot.  
It's only one kilometre form the home to the train station, so I arrived just spent about two minutes.  
It's only takes two hours by train form my city to my nephew's city, and the view along the road are beautiful, so I don't felt boring at all.  
  
After two hours, I went out of the train station and went to my nephew's home.  
I called him on the way, after a few seconds, he answered.  
I said "I've just arrived by train, I'm coming to see you!"  
"But I'm still having breakfast." he said.  
"What are you doing?" I said loudly and surprisingly.  
"I'm still having breakfast." he repeated.  
"Dear me!" I said. "Do you always get up so late? It's one o'clock!"
Sam, this sounds like the middle of a short story instead of being the short story itself. Consider that a short story can be completed in one page, using one scene, multiple dialogues, and descriptive sentences. This narration falls short on all counts. The first thing that you have to do is create the purpose for the story. Why does the aunt need to visit her nephew? What is the purpose of the actions to be shown in the story? Where is the aunt coming from? Describe your opening scene first. Anything about 3-5 sentences long will suffice. That means you have to describe the setting or location of the aunt first. Then include dialogue that will help the story along. What was her thought process? Add some action to the thought process to make it more interesting. When she gets to the train station, do the same thing. The story is boring and pointless because it does not engage the imagination of the reader. Most importantly, the ending doesn't make any sense at all. So, before you revise the story, try to outline the process of the story telling first. Make sure to create a relevant and engaging ending for the reader to close the story by. It will be in the best interest of your story if you write a totally new one. One that is better outlined and developed in all aspects of story telling. By the way, make sure to write 250 words for the story. One full page of story is short enough. Remember, you need a purpose, a middle, and and end to the narration in order to qualify as a complete story.
## pollution of the environment

  
  
Recently, our environment has been in the limelight and have aroused wide concern for the negative impacts on human's survival associated with them. As a consequence, many people argue that living in a big city can result seriously on their health. Personally, I totally agree with this point of view.  
  
We have nearly exhausted natural resource and left a big carbon footprint on a fragile planet. Undoubtedly, it may lead to a bad effect on our life, particularly in the city. Firstly, more and more company and industrial zones have been discharging chemical waste into the river, causing death to many fish and aquatic life, and without control, production processes may result in environmental degradation such as global warming stemming from factory emissions and the irresponsible disposal of industrial waste. Secondly, our activities are increasing the greenhouse effect, making the earth hotter and endangering not only mankind but also all life on the planet. For instance, the food we eat every day is almost covering by contaminated ingredients that have higher risk of developing several chronic illnesses such as heart disease, diabetes, some form of cancer and obesity  
  
While there have been numerous international conferences to warn of the danger, many governments have refused to take an action. We are, therefore, can assist in the effort to alleviate the environmental problems in the local community through simple actions such as planting trees in the garden, recycling waste and enhancing awareness of people. Furthermore, we can reduce our carbon footprint by flying less and reduce food miles by buying local produce. People should also make aware of the need to cut down on emissions from their cars if we are to reduce air pollution. This way can help to bring us a fresh life.  
  
In sum, no effort is too small when we are protecting the environment. Meanwhile, both local authorities and citizens must shoulder responsibilities in order to have a good health. Only by doing so, we can assure that we could hand this beautiful planet to our generation and the next generation after.