dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## IELTS WRITING\_ TASK 2: Fashion trends

  
  
Task 2:  
Young people are now spending more and more time and money following fashion trends.  
What is your opinion?  
Is this a positive or negative development?  
  
These days, it is true that young generations are splashing out and devoting too much time to keep up with the latest fashion trends. From my perspective, this trend could have both positive and negative consequences in equal measure.  
  
On the one hand, there are several reasons why following chic items would be a positive aspect. First of all, teenagers are considered fashion to be a tool to define themselves. This is because many stylish and up-to-date clothes convey a lot of their personalities, tastes, and lifestyles. Hence, experimenting with new fashion trends enables the youth to try out different styles and make their appearance more distinguished. Another significant benefit is boosting their self-confidence. Young people who keep up with what is in vogue might get a lot of attention from their peers and like-minded people, compared to those who are outdated. Also, with a great sense of clothing, they could have a high chance to make good first impressions with others as well.  
  
On the other hand, the demerits of this tendency should never be ignored, and the main one is that the strong desire to stimulates overconsumption. By engrossing in high-items, young people must squander their time and money on shopping or searching for trendy clothes in magazines. As a result, they may neglect other important things such as studies, works, or even personal relationships. Another unfavorable effect of this trend is that it may drive young people to the edge of bankruptcy. If the world of fashion is always changing, more and more teenagers are willing to pour money into luxurious items. Things can even become worse, especially when unexpected things occur, such as accidents, or when the need to pay for tuition fees arises.  
  
In conclusion, although following fashion trends would be beneficial to some extent, I strongly believe that this can contribute to some drawbacks.
This essay does not accurately follow the prompt requirements as the student obviously changed the writing direction to one of his own choosing. The writer fails to address a single opinion choice as indicated. The essay is not to be written from a comparative standpoint but from a singular opinion instead. When the word "or" is included in a sentence, it offers the writer an option, either the first or second choice. There is no option to support both.  
  
By definition:  
  
Or - conjunction, used to connect words, phrases, or clauses representing alternatives. Ex. Is this a positive or negative development?  
  
Based on the definition and word usage, there is no room to choose both as a supportfor an alternative discussion is required in the presentation. The writing does not meet presentation requirements.
## the percentage of new zealand population from 1950 to 2050

  
  
The graph provides information about the percentage of four groups in the total population of New Zealand between 1950 to 2050. Overall, the population aged from 25 to 37 and over 65 is predicted to be on a decrease, while the opposite was seen in the other two groups. New Zealand's elderly people have been experiencing the dominance in total population.  
  
In 1950, the proportion of the population under 14 years old stood at about 5%, while, people aged over 65 is nearly 61%. Population aged from 25 to 37 and 38 to 45 stood at 20% and approximately 25% respectively, which is only 5% apart. Nevertheless, while the figure for those is adult, middle and retiree is tended to increase in 1960, the figure for children under 14 maintained stable for much this period.  
  
In the next 40 years, the two oldest groups reach a peak at 70% and about 50%, before falling to 55% and 40% respectively in 2050. While a sharp rise is predicted in the population under 14 years old, the proportion of the other group will experience a fall before the top out in 2050.  
  
*
There are several types of graphs involved in this writing test. A graph is a general reference to the image, which does not accurately inform the reader. A graph can never be mistaken for a live graph unless it is properly identified as such. The information sauce for the 4 age groups should also be listed in the summary for overview accuracy. The writer must not create only a partially accurate listing with a refference to "the other 2 groups". Completely listed information sources adds to the summary accuracy. The analysis could be more complete. 2 sentence presentations means the writer is reporting on easily seen data and skipping the deeper analysis pertaining to information equivalency in the graph.
**Topic:  
## Many students find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention at school

.  
*What are the reasons? What could be done to solve this problem?***  
  
It is true that there have been more students having difficulty staying focused in school in recent years. This issue stems from a number of causes from which several effects will be outlined in this essay.  
  
There are two primary reasons for why unfocused students have become commonplace. The main problem is electronic devices consumption inside classes. This is because of notifications from applications , students get distracted to check the phone for text messages and even play games when they feel bored in class. As a result, the grade of students using phones during class is lower than those who do not. Similarly, the outdated and rigid teaching method is considered a main culprit. The fact that students often learn in a one-way teaching environment causing boredom and losing attention in the class.  
  
Some feasible solutions can be implemented to remedy this pressing issue. Firstly, teachers should be active in class. For instance, teachers can walk around the classroom while teaching, thus students will have less opportunity to use their phone or allow students to use educational learning applications. Another measure worth mentioning is that schools should apply different teaching methods to the student's curriculum. As an example, since the internet is full of high quality material related to the courses, students can do a research paper on the lesson through the internet and with the help of the teachers.  
  
In conclusion, cell phone consumption and old teaching methods are two main reasons for why many students pay less attention to their lessons at school, however, this problem can be solved by changing the way in teaching.  
  
Hello everyone, this is my first IELTS essay posted on this forum. Could you please spare a few minutes and give me feedbacks on this work? Sincere thanks for your assistance
When 2 direct questions are provided in the original prompt, the writer is expected to give topic related responses to the questions. The topic response outlines the 2 paragraph topic basis for the reasoning discussion. Such a presentation is required in that section to help show the writer's flow of thought and clear thinking / opinion as required in the scoring criteria.  
  
The student clearly knows what should be said in the essay but is not familiar enough with the English vocabulary to use the right words. The reference to consumption is improper as phone apps are not consumed but rather, used by a person which can lead to distraction. Such errors will affect the clarity and meaning of a statement and lower the LR, C + C, and GRA scores in relation to sentence structure and meaning/ accuracy.  
  
The solutions introduction sentence is redundant in presentation. A solution means the same as a remedy. Repeated word usage will have a word usage score deduction as wwell. Avoid saying the same thing twice in a sentence. That does not add to the C + C score.  
  
Closing with a run-on sentence is a definite GRA deduction. summarize the previous discussion properly. Avoid long sentences that do not properly meet the complex sentence structure in the presentation.
Dear Mya223,  
  
Although I have no experience with the IELTS, I do have some feedback.  
  
1. You should give a bit more background as to why this is a pressing issue. It is important and you can always refer back to it throughout the rest of the essay/  
  
2. You can summarize sentence 2-4. Instead of saying, "This issue stems from several affects" you should instead say "Students find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention in school because electronic device consumption during class sessions and outdated and rigid teaching methods." From there, you can make two separate paragraphs and go into detail from there.  
  
3. As @Holt mentioned, there is a lot of redundancy in your essay. Try to summarize. Always try to keep it simple when writing in English; it often conveys the information better.
***Some people argue job satisfaction is more important than job security. Others believe a permanent job is more important***.  
## Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

  
  
There have been different viewpoints regarding the question of whether job gratification or job security is of greater importance. From my perspective, both should be equally considered as they have several impacts on different aspects.  
  
To begin with, I would say that job satisfaction is more crucial than job security in some respects regarding firms' value and job commitment. To be more specific, once workers are provided with such compensation as competitive allowances, a healthy workplace environment, and recognition, it is likely that they will be incentivized to contribute more to the company. From that, firms can witness flourishing outcomes which come from the dedication of satisfied individuals. In addition, lucrative offerings can be a competitive advantage for a company to develop a strong sense of commitment among its personnel. To further explain, the job market now is stunningly dynamic, so companies with better compensations and benefits will have lower turnover rates, which is a concerning issue of human resource management. To sum up, satisfied workers can generate better value for their company and have a stronger job commitment.  
  
However, the importance of a permanent occupation should not be overlooked, especially for those who are in their mid-thirties, when they need to start making home. The reason is that at this stage of life, most people tend to pursue a stable job with a high pay rate to facilitate their living as well as their family. To elaborate, people in this age group have more pressure and responsibilities apart from themselves, which include schooling for their offspring and personal savings and investment. Therefore, having a lasting job can help early millennials control their financial status and take good care of their own family.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that job satisfaction is necessary to make employees engaged and happy during work, however, job security is also of paramount importance when it comes to a certain age group who are entering another stage of life.
The essay shows that the writer misunderstood the writing requirement for the topic. While the reasoning presented is somewhat on point, the writing presentation does not meet the prompt discussion requirement of discussing then topics based on the public opinion first. The writer has completed the essay solely froma solid personal point of view only. The score of the essay will only be useful to one of the 3 required writing paragraphs.  
  
The lack of 2 public opinion explanation prevents the full scoring consideration for this essay. The personal opinion should have been based on a comparative discussion of the 2 public supporting reasons. There are no right or wrong opinions here. Only an analytical support for a side that the writer believes is more aligned with his beliefs. That cannot be accurately presented unless a clear understanding of the public reasons is delivered first.
## in spite of the advances made in agriculture many people still go hungry

  
  
It is a fact that although agriculture is increasingly developing nowadays, however, starvation still occurs in some of the countries around the world. This essay will first analyze some of the main reasons and then suggest possible solutions to this matter.  
  
The starvation in the world can be explained by a combination of reasons. First and foremost, because of the prices of food products in these countries. The prices of foodstuff are higher than citizens' income, in addition, the taxes are sometimes too heavy. People who are living in poverty are hard to get access to the source of food. Another compelling reason is that the geographical conditions also can lead to this problem. For example, it is difficult to grow or breed in deserts or places where have prolonged drought. The severe weather conditions not only affected to the crop yields but also become the barrier of providing food.  
  
Some measures should be taken into consideration to deal with the problem. An effective way is that increasing the standard of living of citizens. Improving the income of people, as well as, a ban should be put into raising the taxes and price of food products. Another possible method is that Government should give supports to farmers on both sides of finance and technology. Providing modern agricultural machinery and guiding farmers to improve productivity can reduce the lack of food.  
  
In conclusion, the price of food products and environmental conditions are to blame for the hunger in some countries. However, some solutions made by Government can be efficient and should be taken into account.
The prompt restatement retains too much of the original discussion keywords for it to be considered the c interpretation of the miter. This indicates an inability to interpret English thoughts coming from other people. It is a negative representation of the writer's abilities in terms of English synonym knowledge. The lack of direct response to the questions provided is also a problem as it fails to lay the foundation for the writers opinion in both discussion scenarios. There is no opinion or point of well provided which weakens the expected task response.  
  
The first reasoning paragraph is too vague, since there are no countries mentioned in the original prompt " these countries" does not make a direct reference to countit's for the discussion basis. A specific mention of say, the writeris country and the high prices of food there would have been a score increasing reference. That is due to the personal experience and knowledge requirement of the information presentation. Preciseness in writing is scored, vagueness is not.  
  
The solutions paragraph should not only list solution ideas. These ideas should be properly explained and supported. The paragraph lacks these developments because the writer chose to just mention solutions without really explaining how it can benefit the people. I solution presentations with proper discussion development would have worked better. Again,vague writing did not benefit the writing score. Further lowering the possibility of a passing grade.
## The maps illustrate how the layout of small-scaled theatre has transformed throughout the years 2010 and 2012.

  
  
Overall, it is clearly seen that the floor footage of the theatre had increased in 2012. Specifically, some facilities were either relocated or resized as well as the addition of some new amenities during the given period.  
  
Walking by the main entrance, the former coffee shop on the right was taken by the ticket office. Although remaining on the left, the administration office was demolished and reconstructed at the top corner; the western space was expanded in size to make space for the new restaurant. Meanwhile, the auditorium also met some significant changes. While the audience area kept unchanged with the same seating capacity, the stage was conspicuously enlarged to the back. As a result, the backstage became a narrow hallway, connecting the relocated storage on the right and the new-built media room with a shower situated on the left.  
  
*   
*The maps show the changes of a small theater in 2010 and 2012*
The essay only covers 140 / 150 words. There is no reference to a summary overview. The writing starts off at the trending statement instead. So the lack of a proper summary overview will affect the overall comparison report. This should be represented in a comparison of 3-4 paragraphs. The accidental mrging of the third paragraph into the second is what caused this error.The third paragraph should have started at "meanwhile". The paragraph presentations need more descriptive content. Each paragraph should have 3-5 sentences for better scoring considerations. The current paragraph presentations are too brief and could use more content. The most worrisome part of this presentation though is the lack of a summary overview.  
  
Further review of this presentation shows that the summary overview may have been incorrectly formatted. The student, for some reason, presented it in instruction rather than discussion format. The latter being the more appropriate structure for the presentation. A summary overview uses normal upper and lowercase letters, is not highlighted, and presented as a merged part of the trending statement. Additionally, the comparisons cover 2010 and 2012. It is not a series of continuing changes since there are 2 images covering specific years provided.
Hi everyone, this is my first IELTS essay posted on this forum. Could you please give me some feedbacks on this work? Sincere thanks for your help.  
  
***Topic:  
Some people think that the main purpose of school and university education should be to prepare people for work. Others, however, think that the true role of education is to make us better citizens**.*  
  
## Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

  
  
It is often argued that school and higher education should play a role in teaching individuals to be ready for careers, while others feel it is more essential to teach students how to be upstanding members of the community. This essay will discuss both these points of view and argue in favor of the latter.  
  
There are several reasons why students need to develop job-related skills and qualifications in schools and colleges. To begin with, if individuals can gain work qualifications before graduating, they will have more opportunities to meet the demand of employers. As a result, pupils are more likely to acquire job offers after graduation, which enables them to earn salaries to support themselves. Furthermore, some professional careers need graduates with work qualifications from universities. Take a doctor as an example, a person must complete a bachelor's degree as well as attend medical school for many years to become a fully qualified doctor.  
  
In contrast, education should not be limited to a strict focus on preparation for work; instead, young individuals should also learn to engage in society. First of all, school is the best place to acquire the concept of citizenship. The reason is that the relationship with classmates and teachers is similar to the interaction with different members of a community. Through learning to interact with classmates, students can easily build relationships with other citizens after graduation, which is benefical to their life when they need guidance. Additionally, assisting students with developing effective citizenship can benefit society in the long term. For instance,  
  
research has shown that youth who are engaged in their communities are less likely to use drugs and alcohol, less likely to drop out of school, and less likely to be involved in criminal behaviour.  
  
In conclusion, although it is undeniable that education should prepare young people for work, I believe educating them how to be active members of society is equally necessary.  
  
Thank you very much!
The prompt restatement is good. There is a good transition presentation from one opinion to the next that keeps the ideas connected, yet seperate just the same. The problem is in the discussion representation. Yes, it represented the both views discussion but, it created an argument as opposed to the personal opinion of the writer. The latter being the actual prompt discussion instruction.  
  
The general discussion representation lacks the use of 3rd person group pronouns representative of the point of view being discussed. Thus offering the idea that the writer disobeyed the instructions by writing based on personal insight alone. In fact both discussions reflect the personal sentiment of the writer rather than explanations as to why there are differing points of view. This essay doesn't represent the discussions properly.  
  
I am afraid that the promise the winter showed in the topic estatement was lost when it came to the actual discussion format. This presentation will not work to the benefit of the student in the actual test.
## charity activities

  
  
Nowadays, many people tend to take part in charity activities to support people who are facing difficulty in their life such as poor people, homeless people or people with disability. They have different views about what is the best way to help these types of classes. While there are some benefits if we help them directly. I would argue that there are more advantages of donating money to national or privately owned charity organizations.  
  
On the one hand, there are several reasons why help and supporting should be provided directly. First of all, this is the quick way to help people who have faced with problems. For example, we meet a homeless people on the street, and we give them money, so they can use this money to buy food or drink. If throughout any organizations, this fund must be gone through many steps to contribute to them and it takes a long time, so they cannot receive our help immediately. Secondly, the factor should be taken into account is that there are some organizations which use the donation of community for the wrong purpose or even go to the pocket of corrupt authorities instead of helping people. Therefore, to avoid this issue, majority people tend to help others directly.  
  
On the other hand, giving money to the national or private charity brings many merits. The first advantage is that these organizations can use this donation in the effective way or even in the large scale. For instance, they can build houses for homeless people or contribute our support to distant places such as desert, remote areas which we might not have ability and free time to reach. The other factor why donors should give money to non-profit organizations is that their name might be mentioned on TV channels or online newspapers. This creates more effort to encourage people enroll charity activities.  
  
To conclude, although giving help and supporting directly bring some benefits to some extent. I believe that funders should donate money to national organizations.