dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Buying things on the Internet

  
  
**Write about the following topic.  
Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular.  
Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  
You should write at least 250 words.**  
  
Essay:  
Nowadays, people are tending to purchasing stuff, for example, electronic devices, clothes and accessories, from online marketplaces. In my opinion, the merits outweigh the drawbacks.  
  
There are some considerable benefits to ordering products from shopping websites. For customers themselves they can easily access to a wide range of goods on online market platform. Furthermore, buyers can make comparisons of price, quality and customer services between similar products of many shops without driving to the stores one-by-one. Instead of that, they find it easier to scroll and switch tabs to find out which is the best for them. Another thing to concern is that online merchants do not have to pay the business premises rent (except for warehouse to store); as a result, the price of their products will be cut down and customers will find cheaper things on the Internet.  
  
However, there are some potential drawbacks to shopping online. One of them is risk of getting lower quality products than shops' descriptions. This is because just can judge the stuff they want through edited photos and catchy advertisements. Therefore, online marketplaces are the golden opportunities for fraud and scammers.  
  
In conclusion, online shopping can bring convenience to costumers, also it can ease the financial problems of both buyers and sellers. However, scams are the risks that customers should avoid from. In this situation, this can be dealt when seller platforms give a lot methods for buyers, such as shop rating, review boxes, refund-guaranteed products and whatnots. Therefore, in my viewpoint the merits surpass the demerits.
I am not master in writing, but I can see some points in your essay:  
  
The first thing I can see is your not balance layout. For example, your conclusion is longer than your body 2. This problem will make people know you don't have many ideas in your drawbacks opinion  
  
The second thing is your simple introduction with some mistakes. You wrote "for example" in the middle of the sentence, while it should be at the begining of the new sentence to show a detail example. In your case, you should write "such as" to list some information after that. Besides, What the merit is, what the drawback is, you should mention it generally
Being a single opinion essay, you need to ensure that you provide a defense only for the side that you support. You do that by using the The topic sentences for each paragraph to show the strength of your argument. For example, you can approach the essay with the following discussion:  
  
*Most people view online shopping as a convenient replacement for real-time shopping. However, hazards for this type of shopping prove to be one of the biggest disadvantages of online purchasing. There was this one time when I purchased a usb through online shopping and...  
  
My cousin also purchased a dress online and the size was wrong...*  
  
You have to make sure that the reviewer knows that you are basing the disadvantage on something you experienced because that is what the essay instructed. It says you have to base the reasons on personal experience and other knowledge. So, in no particular order, the reasons should be one first person pronoun paragraph, then a second person pronoun paragraph. You don't have to worry about information accuracy. You are not going to be scored on that. You can lie about the information if you want to. It is more important to use the pronouns implied in the essay for the GRA scoring considerations.
The phrase "many few" is a contradiction in terms. It is either there are many or there are few. You cannot refer to both. While it sounds creative, it does not create clarity in your sentence presentation. This is a major drawback for your writing skill. There is a missing reference to the discussion method proposed in the original prompt. You need to express a clear measurement of your agreement with topic as a part of the first paragraph. While the GRE allows you to begin an immediate discussion of your opinion, you first, need to clearly express that opinion within the opening statement.  
  
You are not offering a defensive argument against possible contradictions to your position. The essay requires you to anticipate any counter arguments and respond to them. The essay clearly lacks an analytical representation as you failed to present any possible debatable positions that you presented a defense for. Based on these observations, it is safe to say that your essay could probably score within the 3 range. Mostly because you presented a limited position and did not anticipate an expanded discussion based on additional, related topics.
## World's illiteracy numbers in 2000

  
  
*Can you help me check grammatical mistakes, give me advice and the overall? Thanks in advance.*  
**Part 1:**  
The chart illustrates the percentage of people who are uneducated by every area of the world and by each gender in 2000. It is evident that South Asia has the highest illiteracy rates in both men and women in this year, opposed to the developed countries.  
  
As can be seen on the chart, South Asia has a giant number of untutored people, whose men and women account for almost 55%, 32% respectively in the illiteracy level. It was followed by Arab States and Sub-Saharan Africa. Even though the number of uneducated women in Arab States overtakes Sub-Saharan Africa by about 3%, Sub-Saharan Africa exceeds Arab States by almost 1% in the number of illiterate men. East Asia and Latin America do not undergo any dramatic differences, ranging from 5% to 15%, excluding the figure by women in East Asia. Finally, Developed Countries are at its minimum, whose figures in male and female reach the lowest point.  
  
One at a time.  
  
*   
*Task 1*
This isn't just a chart. It is a bar chart. Be specific about the type of image you see because every chart has a type. Bar, column, line graph, etc. The identity of the chart adds to your TA accuracy score as this is a required element of the summary overview. You need to list the countries as a part of the information recap. Again, this is because the countries indicated will allow the examiner to know what area of the world the measurements pertain to. The image does not indicate that the measurement is done by percentage.  
  
Do not make any assumptions regarding the information presented in the chart. It could misinform the reader. Instead, define the measurement as simply, a rate, standard, or comparison point. That section of the paragraph is the perfect spot for you to utilize your synonym knowledge and increase your LR score in the process.  
  
Learn when to start a new paragraph. The Task 1 essay has a minimum 3 paragraph requirement. This allows you to perfect show off your writing skills. Aim to write 175 words as 156 words are not enough to highlight your true English writing abilities. Just don't write more than 190 words in the process.
## Effects of study at home

  
  
Mr/Ms Holt, Thank you for your comment on my previous threat. After your comment, I found some ways to improve my opening and conclusion paragraph. In this threat, I hope to get your comment and show my improvement by this new essay.  
  
My outline opening paragraph:  
- Mention the prompt I am about to discuss  
- Mention all views  
- Mention my view with some reason  
  
My outline concluding paragraph:  
- Mention the contrast point  
- Confirm my view  
  
Please let me know if it is better and any error I should improve.  
  
**Some people believe that school children should not be given homework by their teachers, whereas other argue that homework plays an important role in the education of children. Discuss both of these views and give your opinion.**  
  
The perspective on setting homework to students is one of the most controversial schooling topics. Many people claimed that it is a positive development for children to be given homework. While other disagree with this idea, I believe it is a necessary aspect of education which supports students in improving their independent learning and problem solving skills  
  
On the one hand, it is believed that homework is an unnecessary burden on children. Children spend most of their time at school to study, thus doing further study at home will be a high pressure on them. In addition, they only concentrate on the way to finish homework without participate in any physical activities such as playing basketball, swimming, so forth, which negatively impacts on balance between children physical and mental improvement. Moreover, students in top international education countries where homework is not necessity, taking children in Finland as an example for this, still outperform peers in nations where setting homework is the norm.  
  
On the other hand, I argue in favour of the view that homework has an important role to play in the schooling children. There are two reasons supporting this idea. Firstly, it contributes to enhance self-learning skill. When doing homework, children will figure out an exercise that they cannot complete well by themselves. As this result, they will review lessons or search the way to complete it on the Internet. Secondly, students will find some solutions to fulfill a task such as discussing with teachers or their classmates then summarizing the problems in order to discover an answer. This process helps them improve issue tackling skill. Therefore, children would be more independent and dealing with challenges easily comparing with peers who do not practice these skills which bring great success into their adult life.  
  
To conclude, there are some adverse effects on having a further study at home. However, I strongly contended that if we minimize these negative consequences, giving out homework will be a major benefit to students
It is one way of discussing the essay topic. It is a good start though you have errors in your discussion approach. You only represented one public point of view before presenting your personal point of view discussion. You are short by one reasoning paragraph and could lose TA points and word count points because of that.  
  
The better format will be to withhold your comment / opinion on the topic until you have done a complete comparison discussion for the 2 opinions. The essay is testing your analytical skills and as such, should be formatted as follows:  
  
Par. 1 - Paraphrase (no opinion stated. Rather, indicate an opinion will be based on the comparison discussion)  
Par. 2: - 1st Public pov (2nd person / group pronoun usage)  
Par. 3 - 2nd public pov (2nd person / group pronoun usage)  
Par. 4 - Personal pov supporting one of the two public opinions (first person pronoun usage)  
Par. 5 - Reasoning paraphrase and closing sentence  
  
While you may offer a point of view immediately in the paraphrase as a part of the discussion outline, it is best to use the analytical method of discussion so that the reviewer will see some analysis related vocabulary that can help increase the TA, LR, and GRA scores.  
  
The error in your version is that you only focused on one public point of view instead of 2. Where did the other public point of view go? You seem to have focused only on one public point of view instead of both before discussing your personal point of view. That is not the way to write this essay. 3 points of view are required by the prompt so 2 reasoning paragraphs must be found in your presentation.
*Please rate and give comments on this essay. (word usage/structure/coherence)*  
  
## The impact of technology on societies

  
  
Technology has become a big part in our daily life. We can see technology everywhere around us. However, there are always arguments on whether technology is positive or negative to the society. People think technology is negative because it could be distracting, for example, people are looking at their phones every day in their life. On the other hand, people with positive opinions upon technology think technology is great because of the improvements it brings to us. In my opinion, I think the contribution of technology has made to modern life has been more positive. With technology, education, work and daily life have all become easier and more convenient to us.  
  
Technology made education more accessible. Nowadays, there are plenty of online educational resources that people could access from anywhere in the world. The online education benefits people who could not be in the classroom in person for reasons. For example, some colleges offer online degree which all lessons will be taught through the online platform. In this way, people don't have to come to the university in order to get the education, which greatly reduce the costs of college. Thus, education is more convenient and more accessible to people because of the technology.  
  
Technology brings flexibility and mobility to our work. Nowadays, people don't have to come to their office to get their work done especially those people in the tech field. People's work becomes more flexible because of the use of technology. Some people wasted a long time on transportation could now spend extra time at their home working on projects with the help of remote work technology system, such as employee portal and Zoom for online conferences.  
  
Life becomes more convenience with technology. Technology allows people to have a lighter and more convenient life. For example, as we notice that in some countries, especially in China, people don't have to bring their wallets when they go out for shopping, and everything they need is their phone. They could simply scan their QR code for checkout at the counter. In addition, people don't have to bring a lot of paper records to the doctors because every record can be accessed online. In general, technology makes our life easier because we don't have to worry about paper records since everything can be stored online nowadays.  
  
In conclusion, technology has more positive impacts on education, work and life. Without technology, we might find it difficult to access information and perform necessary activities efficiently. I think as the technology is improving, our life will become more and more convenient over time.
You forgot to upload the prompt for this essay along with your written work. I won't be able to assess your work based on the scoring criteria without it. I need the question so that I will know what points to focus on in your response. I would specifically need to focus on whether or not your narrative aligns itself with the prompt instructions. The best I can do for now is just give you a grammar review. You can always write another essay, upload the prompt with the essay at this forum, and receive a complete review from me then.  
  
Like most essay writers, you decided to take a casual tone to your presentation. You decided to use conjunctions in your presentation. As a future educator, you should know that using conjunctions is a big no-no in academic writing. It is never don't, it is "do not". This is really a very common error among all exam takers, regardless of the type of exam so don't beat yourself up about it. Just make sure you do not make the same mistake going forward.  
  
Grammar corrections:  
  
some colleges offer online degree which all lessons - online degreeS where all lessons...  
  
You started with the plural form of college so you have to stick with the plural representations throughout. The degree is taught online so it is not "which" but "where" indicating the location.  
  
People do not "come to the university", they "go to the university".  
  
Several other sentence structure errors exist in this essay which I can only correct if I rewrite the whole essay. Which, I am not allowed to do per forum policies. Sorry about that. I promise to give you a more comprehensive review of your second essay though. Just remember to provide the prompt so I can do that.
## discipline and creativity

  
  
*Write an essay on the following topic:  
Some people believe that discipline hinders creativity. However, others think creativity without discipline will not bring success.  
Discuss both views and give your opinion.*  
  
Creativity is considered to be one of the most fundamental and magical abilities that differentiates humankind from other animals. Also, it expresses the true color of a human being without the influences of rules, laws or limits,.. However, there are many of us who think otherwise. They think that no matter how creative we are, we should maintain discipline. From my own perspectives, I agree that discipline and creativity should always go together.  
  
To begin with, discipline is thought to hinder people in being creative. Keeping ourselves under rules sometimes prevent us from showing ourselves freely and accurately. As a result, everyone is the same as we all have the same standards of behaving, working, socializing,... and we fear for acting differently. The world in which we are living then starts moving backwards.  
  
On the other hand, being creative does not mean that we can break the rules, do what we want, including ignore the moralities. In some cases, discipline draws us the line and help us know where and when we should stop our imagination from running riot. Imagine that scientists, being creative and intellectual as they are, make an advance on the world but additionally destroy the environment. Discipline is not a barrier for creativity, it helps to shape our creativity and make our ideas new, different but morally accepted.  
  
To my way of thinking, it is ideal to put discipline and creative together. There are many reasons that make me believe this. Firstly, we are responsible for our creativity and moralities should be prior.. Suppose we make a break-through invention but that invention goes against the safety, social standards of humankind. Then, the world will be destroyed. Secondly, a creation that is new but serves the needs and rights of human, will certainly become a break-through and even a milestone in the development of the world. If we create and maintain discipline at the same time, we are being progressive instead of going backwards.  
  
In conclusion, there are arguments on the opinion of whether discipline hinders creativity or not. However, I strongly believe that discipline is not a limitation for creativity but it guides us to create more but in a more legal, human way.
@yeeeeeenvo  
I like your style of writing. You presented some thoughtful ideas. However, I still have some comments on improvement.  
  
Your first two sentences did not paraphrase the same idea as the first view in the question. I think you should revise them so that they means exactly the same as in the question. Your second paragraph said that creativity should go hand in hand with discipline in order to keep the idea morally accepted. However, what the question say is about being successful so I think that you may go a little bit off topic.  
  
I aslo spotted a grammatical error in your fourth paragraph: creative -> creativity, you must use a noun here.
@yeeeeeenvo  
Your essay is long. You should limit the words you use.  
  
"Creativity is considered to be one of the most ..."  
This sentence is wrong because you weren't told to write something on the differences between humans and other animals so there is no need to mention this at all.  
  
It should be 'including ignoring the moralities'  
  
In your fourth paragraph, 'creative' should be ' creativity'.  
  
Also the essay you wrote did not relate much to the question you were asked. It was "creativity without discipline will not bring success". Instead of discussing success you discussed disasters which is the complete opposite.
## is art an essential subject for children at schools?

  
  
Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time  
discuss both sides and give your own opinion  
  
Nowadays , all the children in the world go to school , the education of each country is different but all of them are knowledge . Although that , some parents still think art is a "waste of time" subject while others say it is an essential lesson . So I will discuss both sides and give my own opinion.  
  
In this modern world art isn't a popular job , all parents always want to orientation their kids to work on business , technology , doctor , ... and art is not a job where people can make money . To do this job , kids have to have talent when they were young and must learn this from very soon  
  
. At school , the teacher doesn't teach all the knowledge about art so all the kids got talent have to learn at school that depth about art or come to art center.That is the reasons why parents think that learn art in school is a waste of time.  
  
In the other hand , we have to know that art is including music , painting , drawing . All this skill is very necessary for your life . At details art will help you get better in your creative , imagination , it also improve your performance , make you more confident . In a work environment , show yourself and make friends is very important , music can help by the performance in every party . As a results , art will help you create a social relations.  
  
For me , I'm not going to go on an artistic work so it not very appropriate with me but I still need these skills in my life . It helps me make friends , make me more confident and more than that art help me make my life easier.
In the opening paraphrase, do not use a cut and paste for the phrase "waste of time". Even if you enclose it in quotation marks, the examiner will still see that you did not change the original words used and consider that part a "memorized phrase" and deduct points for it. You need to totally change that part of the presentation. As you know, you will lose points for lack of originality in your presentation. Which is why you have to use as many synonyms as you can in your prompt restatement paragraph.  
  
There is a subject - verb disagreement in the presentation "it also improve your performance". It has to be "... improves..." It has to be in an active voice. Do not use special punctuation marks such as ellipses. That is never used in academic writing, which is what you are doing here. Use the period, comma, semi-colon, colon as your primary punctuation marks. Those are the punctuation marks normally used in academic writing. In the third paragraph, why is there a period before the start of the paragraph? The examiner could see that and deduct points under the GRA considerations.  
  
The essay has some solid reasons presented but lacks proper discussion development. You did not justify the reasons you presented in a manner that would be convincing to the examiner. Work on improving your reasoning discussions in the next practice essay. The essay abruptly ended. There is no closing paraphrase to signify the end of the discussion. You created an open ended essay. Point deductions will be applied due to the inappropriate discussion format towards the end of the presentation.
"... want to orientation their kids"  
You should have used 'orientate' instead of 'orientation'.  
"To do this job , kids have to have talent ..."  
I think you should rewrite this sentence because it is never important to know art from a young age.  
"... teacher doesn't teach all ..."  
You should write 'does not' and not 'doesn't'. Also in this sentence, ' all the kids got talent' should be written as ' all the kids who have got the talent'.  
  
In the end this will be written as,  
" At school, the teacher does not teach all the knowledge about art so all the kids who have gotten the talent for art have to learn at school that depth about art or come to an art center."