dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
@bluepen0311  
Use more appropriate terminologies when you are trying to explain things. For instance, you do not extend the cost of flying - instead what you do is increase the cost of flying. Extending has a different meaning than increasing. Knowing these differentiations would benefit you in the long-run because you'll have more substantive content.  
  
Try to be more specific and straightforward when you are writing as well. Doing this will enable you to have more hold over the meaning and the content of your essay. If you can accomplish this, you'll be able to generate more optimized sentences that would benefit you in the long-run.  
  
Having a more structured academic essay will serve you well. Once you are able to construct your sentences in a more effective manner (restructuring, using more academic/appropriate/formal language, omitting lines that are unnecessary), you'll find that writing can benefit you tremendously.  
  
**Let's revise a few lines for your essay.**  
  
To mitigate the negative effects caused by the air travel industry, governments agree to increase the costs of flights; this is predicted to make people fly less to reduce carbon emissions to the atmosphere. I agree with these plans, however the government should consider plausible drawbacks of the situation.  
  
[...]  
  
Ensuring that you have clarity in your language is key. *For instance, don't just say that the higher fees would be an incentive for airlines to produce less pollution; instead, you can mention that having these said fees would increase the budget which could possibly make airlines dedicate more of their finances to funding ecological research and development*. Being specific (ie. mentioning it's for ecological research and development) and having a step-by-step approach are both key incentives for you to learn more.  
  
*Keep these in mind as you are writing. And best of luck as always!*
## world's problems caused by overpopulation

  
  
Could you give me some feedback and comments for my essay, and have a guess about which the band I am, I'm about to take Ielts test this September. Thank you a lot! I really hope you can help me since I do not know where to begin with writing skill.  
  
Topic: Most of the world's problems are caused by overpopulation. Do you agree or disagree?  
My essay:  
It is a well-established fact that people round the world are facing numerous pressing problems. Personally, I side with the statement that most of the head-aching issues are attributed to the population explosion, and I will clear out my arguments in this essay.  
  
To begin with, there is no denying that our environment is in big trouble, and it is obvious that over-population is blamed for this. To explain, more people means more products are consumed, not only does this result in a sharp decline in raw materials, but also bring a huge amount of pollutants to our surroundings. Take Beijing, a home of thousands of people, as an example. Their citizens are threaten dangerously by black fumes belched out from industrial zones and thousands of private cars, making the city densely-populated.  
  
Secondly, it is the stressful life that should be mentioned here. In fact, more and more people flock to major metropolises in search of better jobs, and citizens actually are being shouldered a higher pressure, since they have to struggle in a more competitive job markets and afford exorbitant bills daily.  
  
Last but not least, it is the high rate of crime that is also rooted from the non-stop growth of population. To explain, life is getting more difficult, with people having less chance exported to good education as well as finding a job, therefore they enter the criminal path on ground that they have family members to raise. Ho Chi Minh city, for instance, is breeding ground for crime as there are a lot of people, and the poor easily commit a crime to stole money from the better ones.  
  
In conclusion, although there are other problems that do not come from population bomb such as child-sexual abuse, it seems to me that most of the world problems are resulted from the drastical increase of inhabitants.
@suong1510  
Try to minimize the number of unnecessary terms in your essay; this will help you optimize your essay in the long-run because you'll have more space for substantive content.  
  
Additionally, try to be cautious of lengthy sentences that do not serve you well. Ensure that when you are writing, you are attempting to be as straightforward as possible. This will enable you to curate a more organic approach to writing.  
  
While I do think that these areas are for your improvement, I think that, in terms of content, your essay is quite in-depth and was able to expound on the fundamental areas that needed to have discussion.  
  
**Having said that, let's revise a few portions of your essay.**  
  
There has been the emergence of numerous pressing issues in the world. One of the most troublesome ones include the rapid rise of population; this essay will expound on this.  
  
To begin with, it is undeniable that our environment is in trouble; and it is obvious that over-population is to be blamed. [...]  
  
*When you can construct more concise sentences through using specific terms, opt to do this (ie. saying that it is undeniable instead of saying that there is no denying that this issue exists). Having grasp of this technique will enable you to have hold over the output that you have.*  
  
Consistency in content and form is key when writing.  
  
*Best of luck as always!*
## Delaying studying for one year

  
  
Hello everyone,  
  
My name is Dat, I'm a new member and this is my first post, just discovered this amazingly helpful forum, so I decided to post an essay here, I'm preparing for the IELTS test btw. Please give me feedbacks and a band score if possible, I've never taken the test before.  
  
The essay was written by me in approximately 23 minutes. Feel free to comment.  
  
***Topic: In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.  
Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?***  
  
Presently, there has been a surge in popularity of high school graduates choosing to take a gap year before entering universities, mainly for working or traveling purposes. While some may think this procrastination is time-wasting and disruptive for the academic progress of youngsters, it would be unfounded to say this tendency does not bring any benefits whatsoever.  
  
To begin with, advocates of the mentioned idea of taking a gap year suggest that as long as the skipped time between high school and college is well-spent, it can actually be valuable for newly-grads. To illustrate, if one decides to apply for an actual job at a company, he or she may develop awareness of what a genuine working experience is like and therefore, come up with a better decision of which major should he or she choose when enrolling in tertiary education. For instance, one year of practicum in a highly-interactive job such as a sale agent can help a student whose original aim was to study Information Technology to discover which job suits him or her best. In other words, it is undoubted that delaying college can actually be good for young people in terms of completing their perspectives.  
  
Nevertheless, antagonists of the above idea claim that a year spent without any formal education is a total waste of time and can detrimentally affect students' learning process. According to them, when being away from an educational environment for a long period, students might fail to recall the academic knowledge that they have acquired previously, which inhibits their capacity when attending universities. However, this idea is not applicable to all cases, as many students, including those who travel during their gap year, are exposed to various new aspects of knowledge, from languages to practical skills at work like presentation or team-working, which assist them greatly in college. Thence, if the gap year is not squandered for pointless purpose, it will actually bring more merits to youngsters than demerits.  
  
All in all, given the fact that a gap year is a relatively long span for students if they choose not to proceed to college immediately after high school, some hold belief that the drawbacks incurred from this are obvious. I am, however, inclined to the idea that this decision tends to create more favorable outcomes for students as long as they spend this time wisely. (393 words)  
  
Thank you sincerely!!  
Dat Nguyen
@datngn09  
*Hi there, Dat!*  
  
Welcome to the forum. Let me help you work through your essay.  
  
For the amount of time you had poured into writing, the essay is quite well-written. I would only say that you should try to evade unnecessary lines that can drag your essay down. What this means is you should try to only include texts that would be beneficial for you. Try to evade confusing lines at all costs. Being straightforward would help you in the process.  
  
**Let's try to optimize your content to make your essay more effective.**  
  
There has been a surge in popularity of high school graduates who have chosen to take gap years before entering universities, mainly for work or travel purposes. While most think that this is time wasting and disruptive of the academic progress for young people, there are still benefits.  
  
[...]  
  
While you may think that adding a lot of words would help you have more complexity and engagement in your content, long-form sentences can also discourage/prevent you from developing more depth in your writing. Use these words instead to allocate more substantive content that'll help you develop your essay's meaning. For instance, in your second to the last paragraph, you spent a good chunk of this repeating that there are more unforeseen benefits when a person travels or does other non-educational activities during their gap year. It would be beneficial if you could expound on this said potential.  
  
*Best of luck as always!*
***ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENT AND THE THREAT TO HUMANKIND***  
  
Hello everyone. My name is Trang. I'm preparing for my IELTS exam so I hope to get some advices from you guys.  
  
Here is a question: **Some people believe that developments in the field of artificial intelligence will have a positive impact on our lives in the near future. Others, by contrast, are worried that we are not prepared for a world in which computers are more intelligent than humans. To what extend do you agree or disagree?**  
  
And here is my essay:  
  
Artificial Intelligence has made a significant contribution to human life. While I believe that the advanced in Artificial Intelligence brings a range of benefits in a foreseeable future, I also agree that people are not equipped with essential skills and experiences in order to negotiate computers or other technological devices which are smarter than us.  
  
On the one hand, Artificial Intelligence may become so bright that they can easily govern human. Machines benefit enormously from many technological's changes, not only the improvement of engines and the expansion of electrical system but also by enriching knowledges, which is a contributing factor influencing their determinations without any individuals' instruction. By having their own desires, they will be able to overthrow our dominance and turn us into slaves. This prospect is a catalyst of the bloody and frightening war between humankind and machines, which is a serious hazard to our peaceful world.  
  
On the other hand, I believe that the society can gain benefits from the Artificial Intelligent's progression. With modern equipments and the ability to handle and analyze a large amount of data informations, machines can now assist people in making the most possible solution and foreshadow many important issues. For example, satellite technologies and spacecrafts are capable of predicting the portent of hidden problems such as hurricane, tsunami or earthquake. Based on specific results from their devices, experts and scientists can prevent or reduce damage of natural disaster, which is a menace to creatures' life on Earth.  
  
In conclusion, despite of some people's belief about the threats of Artificial Intelligent, I still believe that their advancement will make a good effect on supporting human to create a modern and better world.
Hey!!  
  
It's a fairly good essay.  
  
There's a good progression from the introduction to highlighting about the drawbacks and then the advantages of technology in the lives of humans in the future.  
  
What I felt is that while you did put in a lot of content and even include "a possible war between humans and machines" , the advantages fell short in comparison somewhere, especially considering that in the end you were in favour of technological advancement.  
  
Even your introduction paragraph led me to believe that you supported that we as humans were not well equipped to handle the situation.  
You can either add more points or ideas in favour of the advantages or maybe strengthen up the conclusion statement.  
  
I've done a quick grammatical and word sentence framework check.  
  
While I believe that the ~~advanced~~ advancement in Artificial ... in order to negotiate with computers ... which ~~are~~ could end up being smarter than us.  
  
On ~~the~~ one hand, ... can easily govern human (instead of govern human - easily overthrow humans using their superior intelligence.).  
... from many technological~~'s~~ changes, ... but also by enriching knowledge~~s~~, ... influencing their determination~~s~~ without ...  
By having their own desires or will, they will be ...  
... a catalyst of the possible ~~bloody and frightening~~ (Bloody and frightening sounds a bit inappropriate) horrendous war between...  
  
... the society can gain a multitude of benefits ...  
... amount of data information~~s~~, machines ... people in ~~making~~ ~~finding the solutions to most problems~~ ~~the most possible solution~~ and ...  
... tsunami or earthquakes.  
... damage of anatural disaster, which is a menace to ~~creatures' life on Earth~~ all life on earth.  
  
In conclusion, despite ~~of~~ some people's ... their advancement ~~will make a good effect~~ will have a much more positive influence on supporting human life to create a modern, safe and better world.  
  
Remember to always stick with the word limit.  
  
Good Luck! :)
## How to learn about the culture of a foreign country

  
  
**It is not necessary for people to travel to other places to learn about the culture. We can learn as much as from books, films, and the internet. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
The idea of learning the culture of other countries has become an interesting issue in this decades. A certain school of thought is of the opinion that there are many ways to learn different cultures from books, movie or the websites. In this essay, I will describe both of views and say how I agree with this statement.  
  
First of all, I strongly believe that people could learn lots of cultures without spending time to visit other nations to understand their cultures. There are numerous of resources can be found in the library or the internet. Interestingly, the British Council of Culture has published a website in 2015, it has contained the cultures all over the world we knew to this day. Additionally, some countries will not suitable to live and discover the culture especially for foreigners because the place may have wars. Therefore, I think that is enough to learn a different culture form those resources I noted above.  
  
On the other hand, those with a contrasting view opine that lived in different countries is the best method to understand the culture of place rather than study on the books only. The supporters of this view said that communicate with local people are able to know their cultures and spirits deeply. There are number of things cannot be found on the books. For example, Taiwanese have a great human taste but people cannot really understand what is that means. The only way to know that is living in Taiwan and keep in touch with local people.  
  
To summarized, I acknowledge that people could travel to other countries to learn a local culture but the important thing is that those countries are safety and suitable for foreigners to live. Furthermore, other resources will be helpful to understand a new culture.
@yuxian719  
Be wary of the forms of the verbs that you are using. Always make sure that you are using appropriate ones depending on the context/what is called for in the situation. In addition to this, I also recommend that you try to create more concise sentences through omitting lines/terms/phrases that do not substantiate your thoughts. Once you are able to trim down your thoughts into the relevant ones, you'll have more direction in your writing; and you'll be able to construct more in-depth content.  
  
**Let's revise a few portions of your essay.**  
  
Learning cultures aside from your own is an interesting topic. There are numerous ways to learn whether it's through books, movies, or other digital means. In this essay, I will describe views related to this and a personal take on the statement.  
  
[...] Interestingly, the British Council of Culture published a website in 2015 containing various cultures. This shows the variety and complexity of other living situations that are affected as well by their political and economic standing. These resources pave way for a discussion.  
  
Notice how in the second paragraph, I tried to create more rational and logical linkages between the sentences. Doing this will sharpen your essay's content because you'll be able to transition and have more progression in your thoughts.  
  
*Try to apply these as you are writing. Best of luck!*
## Life in a metropoly

  
  
People who live in large cities face a range of problems in their daily life  
What are the main problems people in cities face, and how can these problems be tackled?  
  
Citizens who live in big cities are facing a lot of troubles every day. This problem is caused by some factors, and it should be dealt with by some effective solutions.  
  
There are some reasons why people now have to face serious risks when they live in a large city. Firstly, due to the atmosphere of big cities is so polluted. The number of emissions released from vehicles such as cars, light motorcycles may be inhaled by drivers who might face the danger of respiratory diseases when they are in traffic. Secondly, the high cost of living is a serious problem in big cities, especially capitals. Monthly rent prices in metropolises are much higher than in other cities. For example, my brother staying in the inner-city of Ha Noi has to pay a huge amount of money to rent an apartment that is mainly expensive than their counterparts in the Ha Noi'suburb.  
  
Feasible solutions should be implemented to tackle these aforementioned problems. The first measure would be to develop new public transports that can minimize air pollution. Emissions from private cars are a major cause of air pollution as they contain a relatively high proportion of pollutants. If citizens get used to public service vehicles, it will reduce exhaust fumes from the private automobiles. Additionally, there are a lot of houses which can help renters split the costs of accommodations. Homestay is a great example where everyone shares electric bills, rent.  
  
In conclusion, there are some reasons why living in big cities faces many issues, and some measures could be taken to solve this problem.
Line one is missing punctuation and is too broad a statement. Lines 1-4 need to list specific reasons for your statement that it is problematic to live in large cities. Also, when stating effective solutions are needed, give a brief overview of your ideas of what would constitute an effective solution.  
  
"Firstly, due to the atmosphere of big cities is so polluted." Try rewording this statement and give more detail. Reading what you have written out loud can give you a better idea of how you sound to an audience.  
  
Line 2, 3rd paragraph, replace the comma with the word "and", or think of another motor vehicle that puts out large amounts of emissions and punctuate accordingly.  
  
Last line, 3rd paragraph, can you give examples of the amount of money for both rents to give detail and credibility to your statement?  
Paragraph 4 is very good, just take out the comma and insert the word "and" before "rent".  
  
Last paragraph, restate the problems and the solutions in one or 2 sentences.
## amount of petroleum produced

  
  
The bar chart compares seven distinct areas in terms of the amount of petroleum that they produced and consumed in the period of 2002.  
Overall, 4 out of 7 surveyed regions used their products in a higher level that they produced. Besides, Middle East was the biggest petroleum producer, while Europe's petroleum usage was the highest.  
  
In 2002, Europe and Middle East provided the same amount of petroleum at nearly 7 million barrels on a daily basis. However, the former consumed around 25 million barrels per day, which was nearly 10 times as high as that of the latter. The United State's petroleum products were above 10 million barrels, less than the figure for its usage, at 16 million barrels per day.  
  
The amount of petroleum spent in Australia and Asia was 7 and 11 million barrels per day, respectively, though, they both generated just over 4 million barrels. By contrast, Latin America's and Africa's product statistics exceeded their usage ones. The difference in Latin was insignificant, whereas figures for its counterpart were 6 million barrels produced and 3 million barrels used.  
  
*
@grace412  
*Hi there!*  
  
When writing interpretative data, try to be cautious of the sentences that you have. Baffling structures can turn out negatively. Being as straightforward as you possibly can be will take you a long way.  
  
**Let's take a look at your essay and revise a few lines.**  
  
The bar chart compares the amount of petroleum consumed and produced in seven distinct areas in 2002. Overall, four out of the seven regions used more than they produced. Middle East was the biggest producer, whereas Europe had the highest usage.  
  
In 2002, Europe and Middle East provided the same amount of petroleum at nearly 7 million barrels daily. [...]  
  
Notice how removing lines would go a long way because you have more space. Having lengthy sentences would not necessary indicate more depth in your content - keep these in mind at all costs.  
  
*Keep these in mind as you are writing. Best of luck as always!*