dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hello everyone!  
*I've never seen this topic before so it was difficult for me to write the essay due to lack of knowledge. Moreover, I usually make mistakes in grammar, so if there is anything wrong, please help me correct it. Thanks a lot for your help!*  
  
## Sports at school

  
  
**Some people believe that the best way to improve the general well-being of schoolchildren is to make physical education compulsory in all school. Others, however, think that this would have a little effect on overall health and that other measures are needed.  
  
Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
It is widely acknowledged that sports play a pivotal role in our lives. However, the impact of physical education on student health remains a polarizing topic. While a school of thought holds that making PE an obligatory subject is the optimal method in order to improve the general health of schoolchildren, others claim that this has just a small impact. Both views are justifiable, nevertheless, I am predisposed to agree with the latter view.  
  
It is understandable why some people advocate physical education to be mandatory at school. The key rationale in favor of this view is that sports have a tremendous benefit on students, not only on their health but also on their lifestyle. Moreover, this subject can also earn schoolchildren who excel in it praises, privileges and opportunities to engage in further sports competitions. However, this policy may have an adverse effect on the majority of students. The fact that schoolchildren nowadays have to study a host of subjects leads to a state of fatigue, especially in adolescents. Not only do they have to maintain good grades in the compulsory subjects, but also those which they are not fascinated in, namely PE, etc. As a result, they may lose incentive to study.  
  
Instead of the aforementioned approach, I hold a belief that physical education is not necessary for school since there are a lot more elements that determine whether an individual is healthy or not. Nowadays, young people tend to digest junk food which includes cholesterol, fat lipid, and harmful substances. Therefore, the school should offer some culinary nutrition courses and encourage students to get rid of the toxic food due to the long-term effects. If students do sports often at school but not having a balanced diet, then everything will be in vain. My school perfectly exemplifies this principle. It provides sports courses for students who are into this field and always rewards them after each course. Furthermore, nutrition courses are organized to change students' eating habits positively. Consequently, not only does this form relieve schoolchildren from exam worries, but it also guides them to a healthier lifestyle.  
  
In conclusion, while there are rationales to advocate the idea of making physical education obligatory, I am of the opinion that there are other ways to stay healthy rather than do exercises.
I can understand why you said that you were unfamiliar with the topic. You were unable to properly discuss the essay as per the discussion requirements which are:  
  
- Discuss both points of view  
- Give your opinion  
  
One of the ways that you could have discussed this essay effectively is:  
- Offer a topic restatement at the start of the reasoning paragraph. This will give you the topic sentence. Then, explain the topic based on your personal experience, but using a group pronoun approach. At the end of the explanation, you can present your personal opinion on the given paragraph topic. You can use this style for the 2 paragraphs and quickly conclude the essay.  
  
However, the more effective approach is to :  
  
Do a compare and contrast discussion of the topic in 2 separate paragraphs. Then present a personal opinion in the third paragraph, representing an analysis of the given topics. This format allows you to impress the examiner more with your GRA and C&C skills. The danger of the former format, is that you might not be able to fully explain yourself with the combined discussion paragraph. So for beginners, I suggest going with the 2 reasoning paragraph and one personal opinion paragraph presentation instead. It makes it easier for you to discuss the 2 topics, without cluttering the presentation with confusing statements.  
  
Your essay seems to just keep on repeating the original prompt, There is no clear discussion and there is a lack of proper referencing to discussion points. The whole essay is confusing to read and prevents the examiner from learning about your English writing skills. When you cannot really represent an explanation of the topics provided, your TA score may not reach a passing score and as such, prevent the whole essay from reaching the 5 band score.
## DISCUSS BOTH THE ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES OF THE INTERNET

  
  
Contemporarily, great technological advancements of the world have been witnessed. Among a myriad of innovations, the Internet is always considered to be one of the most crucial invention, which has a significant impact on its users. However, everything has both sides, and the Internet is no exception.  
  
On the one hand, there is no doubt that the Internet has positively changed our lives. First of all, it is undeniably the biggest source of information, which modern citizens are able to get access to and find answers to any questions they have. It is also the optimum tool to spread useful information. For instance, online movements have been created, such as the "Stay home" movement which reminds people of social distancing in the recent Covid-19 pandemic. In addition, the Internet connects the world together. With the Internet, people nowadays can bury the barriers and easily befriend with each other. This aids in promoting communication, breaking the conflicts or misunderstanding among the nations, cultures or religions and looking forward to a bright scenario in the future.  
  
On the other hand, drawbacks of the Internet must be taken into account. Overusing the Internet results in serious outcomes, one of which is health problems. This often occur with the youth, who uses the Internet on a regular basis. Not only does the exposure to electrical appliances affect the physical health like aggravating eyesight, but it also worsens the mental health, particularly the brain, according to experts. Furthermore, due to the appealing Internet, a lot of teenagers today have a tendency to live too virtually. They gradually lose touch with their flesh and blood, friends and the whole society and refuse to live in their real lives. For inexperienced users, being assaulted online is also a consequence that a lot people have encountered, some even commited suicide due to the online stress.  
  
In conclusion, the good points of the Internet are obvious, but its negative aspects emerge as well. Therefore, from my point of view, the Internet is actually a two-edged sword, which can be smartly utilized or unwisely exploited by the users.
What is the original prompt for this essay? Is it an A/D discussion with personal opinion or just a simple A/D discussion presentation? You have to include the prompt when you post the essay so that I can have a solid handle on how to properly review the essay you are presenting. Right now, I'll focus on the general and obvious errors of your presentation. That's the best that can be done considering there is no prompt available to aid in the assessment of your work.  
  
The prompt restatement does not properly represent the original prompt. The main factor that is considered here is how you best represent the original discussion topics in your own words. Then, using your own presentation, outline the upcoming discussion and accompanying topics towards the end. This will help the examiner consider whether your understood the discussion instructions or not.  
  
The first reasoning paragraph has a very strong advantage discussion. However, you included a second topic, which is never done because adding a topic that does not relate to the previous discussion creates an incoherent passage. It lowers the C&C score because one topic will end up under explained when compared to the firs topic. So a one topic per discussion rule always works best. Notice, your paragraph was doing great, until you threw in the second topic, which ended abruptly  
  
The disadvantage discussion should not include a reference to the research of someone else. A task 2 essay always uses information from the writer's personal experience or observations. Referring to research is not normally used because the examiner wants to know how well you understood the topic and can write about it, based on original information (not taken from other sources). That is how they test your ability to express yourself in English.  
  
If you are required to present your personal point of view, then you should not include it in the concluding paragraph. That is either a stand alone paragraph or. the last 2 sentences of the A/D paragraphs. The conclusion is a mere retelling, in short form, of the original discussion, the A/D reasons. and your personal opinion.
## Many languages are endangered by extinction

  
  
**Several languages are in danger of extinction because they are spoken by very small numbers of people. Some people say that governments should spend public money on saving these languages, while others believe that would be a waste of money.  
  
Discuss both these views and give your opinion.**  
  
Numbers of languages are endangered by extinction, due to lacking the speakers. Although some people believe that the authority should allocate money for preservation, others think this act merely as a waste of money. This essay will discuss both sides of opinion and the reason I support to preserve languages.  
  
Some people think saving these languages is a wasteful action because these languages are spoken by a small group of people. If governments want to maintain these languages, they need to educate more people to learn these. However, people nowadays tend to learn the language which can interact more people, such as English. Tn fact, they think governments should pay attention to other important aspects instead of the minority group, for instance, education or health care.  
  
Despite the above arguments, I believe that it is necessary to preserve these threatened languages spoken by minority people. One of the primary factors is that language contributed to the heritage of cultures, passing the ancestors' wisdom and ethnic uniqueness down generation after generation. If these languages are extinct, every individual becomes to speak a single language and share the same culture, and there will be no difference among countries. As a result, governments should allocate money for preserving and maintaining cultural diversity that is the nation's characteristics.  
  
In conclusion, it might cost a large expense on protection and preservation, but it still is necessary to protect every cultural heritage and identity. Therefore, governments should take some efforts in maintaining these endangered languages and prevent them from extinction.
This is a 5 paragraph essay that should represent the following:  
  
- Paraphrase  
- Government should spend to save the language  
- Government should not spend  
- Personal opinion  
- Reverse paraphrase  
  
Since the original prompt uses the word "extinction", you should avoid using it in your restatement. Try to use a synonym for the word such as destruction, annihilation, elimination, or obsolescence / obsolete. Try to avoid using the exact words as the original because that shows a limited English vocabulary which will affect your LR score.  
  
Your essay discusses only 2 out of 3 points of view required by the discussion instruction which is:  
-Discuss both points of view and give your opinion  
  
You selectively discussed the prompt requirements, for which there will be appropriate scoring deductions for under developed and/or selective discussion presentations in your essay. This will prevent you from achieving a passing score in the overall scoring consideration phase.
Thank you for reading my essay! I want to enhance my writing skill, i hope you guys can help me to fix it and give me your prediction about my score.  
  
## The proportion of Australians who continued to study

  
  
Topic: The charts show what Australian school leavers did immediately after leaving secondary school. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.  
  
The pie charts give information about the proportions of Australian students what they did directly after leaving educational institution in the years 1980, 1990 and 2000.  
  
It is noticeable that half of Australian people continued to study after secondary school in 1980 but it declined in twenty years later. Proportionally, we can also see an increase in the proportion of unemployed and employed leavers within 2-decade period.  
  
In 1980, almost 50% of Australian student studied further education but 40% of the rest of students got jobs immediately.However, the figure for advanced level had an sharp decrease and were much less percentage on average than that of the employed people ( with 38% and 50% respectively ) in ten years later.  
  
The proportion of Australians who continued to study had an slight decline by only 1%, while, there was a rise of 5% in the percentage of those who were the employees, from 50% to 55%, in 2000. Unemployed people see rose between 10% in 1980 and 12% in 1990, but that had a twofold decrease in next ten years later.  
  
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Your summary overview is confusing to read. It does not make sense. It is not a clear paraphrase of the original prompt and it lacks vital information for the summary overview. Here is an example of how to do this:  
  
*Three pie charts are provided for data measurements. The images represent the percentage of activities that Australian high school graduates enter into. There are 3 categories that were considered for the percentage measurements. The sections provided are: employed, unemployed, and further education. Overall, most of them prefer to continue on to higher education.*  
  
Note the 5 sentence representation of the overall information from the pie charts, including the trending statement at the end.  
  
You misuse connecting words throughout the essay:  
  
declined ~~in~~ twenty years later  
  
within A 2-decade period.  
  
the figure for THE advanced level  
  
This error goes on and on for several sentences. Please practice or learn more about when to use or not use connecting words in a sentence.  
  
had ~~an~~ slight decline - had A slight decline (A is used for words starting with consonants, an is used when the word starts with a vowel)
Hi everyone, I'm new in IELTS and here is my writing task 1. Please kindly help me to check. I post it in two versions.  
  
## Graph analysis task

  
  
TOPIC: The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors (in thousands) to three different areas in a European country between 1987 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.  
  
**Version 1**  
The given chart illustrates the figures of foreign visitors to three different holiday destinations in a European nation from 1987 to 2007.  
  
As can be seen, the coast was the most interesting place, with the figure witnessing the highest number of visitors during this period, except in 2002, when the lakes overtook its leading position and became the most popular tourist attraction.  
  
In 1987-2007, the number of visitors to the coast increased by varying degrees, and then it rose significantly until 2007 to reach its peak of 75,000. There was a dramatic rise in the figure for the lakes from 10,000 in 1987 to 40,000 in 1997, before hitting its peak of about 75,000 in 2002, followed by a sudden drop to 50,000 5 years later. By contrast, the number of overseas visitors to the mountains fluctuated between 20,000 and 30,000 from 1987 to 1997 and then rose slightly to 35,000 in 2007.  
  
One version at a time.  
  
*
You should write 4 paragraphs  
The number of foreign tourists **to three tourist spots in a European country** => in three regions of a European nation.  
Overall, the figure- ~~It is clear that~~ the coast: just use either in overall graph.  
Ex: Overall, the number of visitors increase in each place between 1987 to 2007.The lakes are expected to see the dramatic changes in its overseas visitors.  
  
In 1987, the coast, the mountains and the lakes had about 40,000, 20,000 and 10,000 visitors respectively. => In 1987, the coast was visited by 40,000 visitors, compared to 20,000 people of the mountains and 10,000 tourists of the lakes.  
  
You should choose the oustanding ideas to write and refer to the ielts documents on the Internet.
## Nowadays, there are more opportunities for women than there were in the past

  
***Some people think this situation has caused more problems than it has solved.  
  
What are your opinions on this?***  
  
It is undoubtful that this modern life has provided more opportunities for female to take a part in many sectors than in the past. While some people believe that this will bring many problems, I personally think that this trend will provide more benefits for societies and women.  
  
First of all, the law and policy based on justice which is compitable for woman will massively be created. This happens as without being restricted, female are able to get involved in the political sectors. Thus, they are able to represent woman in order to make and determine some beneficial and friendly policies for woman. Another benefit is the woman contribution for country' development through some particular fields. This is as a result of female participation in the such sectors in which they are used to unable to prove their prticular skills or talents. For instance, many female contribute and enhance the productivity in education, healthcare, science. technology and even economic sectors.  
  
Looking at another perspective, it is true that woman participation in many sector can discourage their role in educating and supervising children at home. Thus, their children will inevitably commit the deliquent activities. However, I believe thet both male and female have the same-essential role in handling and educating the children, and balancing the role in the workplace and domestic should become responsibillities for both parents.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that the wide-ranged chances for female to contribute in many sectors can be good news for all individuals because not only this trend is compitable with human right in equality but also this will bring many merits for the country.
You are being asked to present 2 opinions on the given matter. You are not being asked to discuss the benefits of the topic in the essay. After presenting a prompt restatement, your final 2 sentences should have presented an outline of the discussion topic. You should have presented 2 separate sentences that indicated the opinions you would have discussed in the reasoning paragraphs. So your implementation of the discussion instructions is incorrect. This is a direct opinion essay that requires you to outline your discussion for the benefit of the examiner, who can judge your English comprehension and GRA skills at this point, and yours, as it allows you to keep a reference point for your discussion presentation. It will prevent you from discussing non-related information in the essay.  
  
An apostrophe is only used either with an S ('S) to represent ownership. However, an apostrophe may also be used when a word ends with an S originally, also indicating ownership. It is never used without the letter S present. So saying "country' " in this essay will be seen as a grammar issue and lower your score.  
  
There is a problem with the clarity of your declarations in the essay. The sentences are not capable of reflecting an understandable English thought process. Your English presentation in this essay is beginner at best, failing to actually represent what you want to say, which was probably understandable in your native language, but not in English. These coherence and cohesiveness problems are the main reason that the essay will not achieve a passing score. I can see that you have an opinion, you just aren't explaining it clearly or properly in the presentation.
- Check your spelling carefully: particular skills  
- I do not see a necessary correlation between your sentences and your body paragraphs, each of your sentence and paragraph must be linked in some way to show the examiner that your essay is organized logically.  
  
- Their are many sentences that I am not sure I understand. Using a variety of complex sentence structures may boost your score but make sure the examiner understand fully your sentence cause they are probably do not read it twice and try to figure out what you wrote.
## collecting and treating rainwater in Australia

  
  
**Topic: The diagram shows how rainwater is collected for the use of drinking water in an Australian town.**  
  
The diagram illustrates the process of collecting and treating rainwater so that it can be used as drinking water in households of a town in Australia.  
  
Generally, rainwater is collected through a gutter and drain system. It is then filtered and treated using chemical and distributed to each household as drinking water through pipes.  
  
Each house in the town has gutters installing to its roof. Those gutters are connected with pipes along the side of the house that brings water to the drain underneath. When it rains, rainwater from the roofs is collected into the gutters. It follows the gutters to the pipes and goes down to the drain below.  
  
From the drain, water is brought through a filter to remove any impurities before going to a storage tank. Then, it runs along a pipe to the water treatment system. Here, chemicals are used to process rainwater and the output is drinkable water which is distributed to each household for consumption via another pipe system.  
  
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Use more synonyms in the presentation. You still used the original word "town" in the presentation. Alternative words are community, municipality, township, among others. You need to be a wide reader and highly familiar with the English language and how it uses alternative descriptive words in order to do this. Using a thesaurus should help. Use it only during your practice test. You cannot take that to the testing center with you. Try to memorize it if you can.  
  
There is a word choice error when compared to the original. The original said "chemicals", plural form. You said "chemical", singular form. This shows a lack of accuracy in your reporting. Also, you could have used an alternate word such as "cleaning additives". over time, you should be able to identify when your essay score will benefit from a synonym usage in terms of LR considerations. The gutters are already existing so the correct term is "installed". Installing means it is still being attached to the house. Work on your word / action progression knowledge (install, installing, installed).  
  
Ideally, you will score better with 175 words. So increase the word count by writing a maximum of 5 sentences. Never write just 2 sentences per paragraph. While you will meet the minimum word requirement, you won't get a scoring boost from simply meeting the word count or going just a few words over it.