dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hey!  
You have some good ideas with respect to your essay.I have a few suggestions that I feel can help you.  
The major problem I feel is grammatical errors or errors in use of tense in certain places.  
Another thing I wanted to point out is the careful use of conjunctions. Make sure your sentences don't become unnecessarily long because of using too many and also don't start a sentence with one.  
  
It's also always better to organize your ideas and present them into discrete paragraphs before writing your essay.  
Para 1 - Introduction into the topic and which side appeases to you.  
Para 2 - Dive into the heart of the topic. The above IELTS task asks you to explore both sides. What advantages national media holds and then how does it vary from the international kind, the ill effects of both and how they compare, etc.  
  
Para 3 - You reiterate your reason for picking the side you choose in a simple sentence or two as your conclusion para.  
  
I am going to do a quick correction of your first 2 paragraphs.  
It is undeniable that news ~~keeps~~ has an important role in ~~daily life~~ our daily lives. ~~Whereas~~  While a handful of arguments state that national information should be paid attention to, others claim that it is essential to read worldwide news. In my opinion, I believe that it is better to prioritize national news over international ones.  
  
The most supported idea for focusing on worldwide information is that people need to know what happened abroad in other to either protect their country or show sympathy to other nations. (THE FOLLOWING SENTENCE IS THE ONE WHICH IS ABNORMALLY LONG)For example, by ~~updating news~~ knowing about the Covid-19 ~~epidemic~~ pandemic~~originated~~ originating in China beforehand, civilians in foreign countries ~~are~~ were able to not only keep ~~safe for both themselves and their nations by carefully doing the right things that can prevent the virus, but they can also give support to other countries being in danger, which really need to be empathized~~ themselves safe by being well informed on prevention but they were also able to offer support to other countries on a humanitarian basis. However, rarely does the world have such a devastating event to care about.  
  
An example of a better conclusion...  
While it is always important to keep ourselves updated with news of events happening around the world to be well informed, priority has to be given to local or national news which directly impacts our day to day lives and to which the person can contribute to.  
  
Your essay just needs a little more work to make it an excellent one.  
Practice makes perfect.  
Good Luck! :)
***The first car appeared on British roads in 1888. By the year 2000 there may be as many as 29 million vehicles on British roads.  
Alternative forms of transport should be encouraged and international laws introduced to control car ownership and use.  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?***  
  
Ever since cars were invented in late 19th century, they have become a popular way of transportation. With the number of cars owned growing rapidly, I strongly believe that the use of other methods to transport should be promoted and new stricter ownership laws should be passed internationally.  
  
Firstly, automobiles have been consuming huge amounts of fuel for the past decades producing smoke that pollutes the air everyone breaths. Regarding that governments should ban cars that consume a lot of petrol as well as restricting the buying of new cars apart from the ones which work on solar or electrical energy. Governments ought also raise the taxes for car owners to force people to switch to more environmentally friendly forms of travel. Bikes for example are a great alternative.  
  
Secondly, it has been proven that cities with neat networks of bus lines, trams and underground metros have less cars on roads than other cities with poorly designed or managed public transportation. Decently priced ticket fares attract far more people to shift to mass transit. A country like Canada has succeeded to double the figures of people using railways to commute since they reduce the price of annual passes by 25 percent.  
  
In conclusion. Cars are releasing toxic substances when burning petrol and to help making our planet less polluted we with the help of our governments need to drop the number of cars used today and stop using fuel consuming cars. Bicycles and rapid transit should be given more international attention.  
  
Any advice would be appreciated !
Hello!  
You have some good thoughts with your essay. Here are a few small suggestions I have for you.  
  
I think your essay would be a little better if you can include all the detrimental effects of increasing vehicles on roads. In your essay, the only problem highlighted is air pollution. If you add a few more things to support your perspective, that will better highlight why we need alternate modes of transport.  
  
Examples include- Air pollution, traffic congestion, noise pollution, finite nature of fossil fuels, global warming, etc and how these negatively impact human health and irrevocably damage the environment.  
  
After highlighting the problem with cars, move on to alternate solutions - Public transport, cycling or walking for short distances ( improves health by reducing obesity), solar or electric powered vehicles, increasing taxes with more than one vehicle per household, etc.  
  
This will make it a well balanced essay.  
The facts that you have given about better planning of cities and added an example of how Canada as a country tackled it's problem is very good.  
  
If you have any further queries, don't hesitate to ask.  
Good Luck! :)
In recent year, the proliferation of the Internet has certain effect on people life. This can result in many issues, which calls for possible solutions can be adopted.  
  
Accessing the Internet can lead to several problems. One problem could be that the personal information of users can be stolen by scammers. For example the Internet scam can steal the users' account bank when they log onto the non-reliable shopping websites. This has a negative effect on user security and lead to huge financial loss. Another problem could be that the participants may become the addicted of Internet.Because they spend a long periods time on the Internet and do not care everything around. As a result, they more and more lead to sedentary lifestyle and no longer have enough time to do their work.  
  
There are a number of measures which can be taken to solve this issues. One solutions could for the environment to introduce heavier laws which will improve the Internet security. This can be done by banning sites that are dangerous for citizens and punishing hacker and Internet frauds. Another solution could be for the Internet provider to reduce user online time which will help them not to use the Internet so much. To achieve this, they can advise the participants to not surf the Internet when they use it over three hours per day and encourage them to participate extracurricular activities.  
  
In conclusion, the development of the Internet can lead to a number of problem and there are several actions can be taken to address these issues.
Your restatement did not directly respond to the questions being asked. There are 2 questions that require you to outline your discussion topics in your response. The questions are:  
  
- What do you think are the main problems associated with the use of Internet? ( You should have provided 2 connected problems in response to this question)  
  
- What solutions can you suggest? ( Again, you should have directly responded with the 2 solution topics you would be discussing in the presentation)  
  
The lack of the direct response prevented you from creating a truly informative prompt paraphrase. Your first paragraph should have had 3-5 sentences in it. Your presentation would have been more thorough in that paragraph had you provided the discussion topic outline in direct response to the questions.  
  
Always start the paragraphs with a topic sentence. That way your essay presents a more precise discussion. Since your C&C score will be based on how well you connect 2 discussion topics in a single paragraph, you should use 2 related topics. For example, topic 1 could be about identity theft, and topic 2 could be about how people have a hard time proving that their identity was stolen online so any purchases made are not the real owner's to pay for.  
  
Rather than relying on the word "another" for your transitions, try to use transition sentences like, "A secondary problem in relation to identity theft is..." By the way, do not use the conjunction "because" at the start of the sentence because it is a word connector. It can only be used when connecting ideas, phrases, or words.  
  
The concluding paragraph is inefficient. It does not provide a proper reverse paraphrase of the previous discussion points. It should also be 3-5 sentences long.
Hi,  
I would like a feedback regarding my essay; grammar-wise, vocab use, context addressed, and analytical writing. Score estimates are also very welcome :)  
  
**Question**  
  
**## A NATION SHOULD REQUIRE ALL OF ITS STUDENTS TO STUDY THE SAME NATIONAL CURRICULUM UNTIL THEY ENTER COLLEGE.

  
  
Write a response in which you discuss your views on the policy and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy and explain how these consequences shape your position.**  
  
**Response**  
  
Having the same national curriculum for students until entering college seems to be a wonderful idea, as students will learn similar learning materials thus having same standing grounds before advancing to college. However, some problems need to be addressed before implementing same national curriculum throughout the nation.  
  
Colleges have a diversity of majors offered for prospective students. For example, there may be a college that is a favorite for engineering majors and a counterpart which specializes for pure science majors. Students that aim for these colleges will benefit heavily from a standardized curriculum. Subjects required for entering both colleges have similarities such as mathematics, physics, and biology. However it cannot be the same for colleges who offers social majors. Mostly physics are not necessary to enroll in a history or political major. Thus students who aim for social majors in college will be at a complete disadvantage if same national curriculum does not include their subjects required for their needs.  
  
Additionally, a group of students may have their potential restrained by learning the same curriculum. Majority of students need a specific guide for their learning curriculum. However there also exists certain group of students who are academically better compared to their counterparts. This specific group will not feel accomplished by learning the same curriculum, as they have talent that can understand advanced subjects. While same national curriculum will have positive effect for majority students, it will not create positive environment for exceptional talents.  
  
Another factor that should be addressed is about the feasibility of teachers to deliver the same curriculum. Teachers also have different capacities, such as students. There are teachers who can easily adapt to curriculum changes in a sam, while other may have a difficult time. It is difficult to expect all educator throughout the country to teach the same curriculum unless the government provides supervising assistance for them.  
  
Implementing same national curriculum for students until entering college may be a very appealing propostion. But unless the problems addressed above are met with feasible solutions, the government have to postpone the implementation.
"Having the same national curriculum for students **before**...".  
"as students will **have access to** similar ... having **common** ground ..."  
" ... same for colleges **which** offers social majors"  
  
There are many more grammatical errors which might have gone unnoticed.You need to work on it.  
Also, your stance is not very clearly defined and reasoned.Elaborate on it a bit more.Otherwise, i would say its finely written.  
  
Please do review my Common Essay as well.Thank you!
For essays with such specific review demands, you may opt to use our paid private review service. Scoring services are not part of the free services provided. The email for inquiries about the private services can be found in our homepage. For now, only the free review services will be applied to your essay. Thanks.  
  
**Reminder: Students are not allowed to score essays. Student scoring = Suspension !**  
  
Did you hurriedly write this essay? It does not contain the same reflective understanding that your previous essays contained. Your discussion is all over the place. It is scatterbrained. There is no clear focus for your discussion. You have confused the reader. The point of the discussion was to consider the benefits of having the same curriculum for students until high school. So why did your reasoning paragraph start with college? It is not the college application that is important in this discussion, it is the benefit or drawback of having the same curriculum until college. You should have outlined your thoughts in the following manner:  
  
Same curriculum:  
- Standardized classes  
- Strong college foundation based on general subjects  
- Assists students in realizing the college interests  
- Helps students choose a college major based on grades in specific subjects  
- Does not require specialized teachers  
  
Non- Standardized Curriculum:  
- College major focused classes  
- Forces students to choose a college major early  
- Does not allow students to seek their full potential in learning through general subjects  
- Requires specialized teachers  
  
Always consider the pros and cons before you write. Do not think then write. Consider a personal written debate first based on the "possible consequences of implementing the policy" so that you can explain how these "consequences shape your position". By the way, you were not properly able to defend the latter requirement. Your consequences did not clearly explain your position because you seemed to be rattled and nervous while writing this paper.
For essays with such specific review demands, you may opt to use our paid private review service. Scoring services are not part of the free services provided. The email for inquiries about the private services can be found in our homepage. For now, only the free review services will be applied to your essay. Thanks.  
  
**Reminder: Students are not allowed to score essays. Student scoring = Suspension !**  
  
Rather than saying, "The argument above", give a proper summary of the previous discussion. This will help illustrate your analysis points from the start of the essay and throughout the discussion paragraphs. This will add to the knowledge of the reader whom, you should assume, has not read the prompt provisions for the writing of this response analysis.  
  
Always remember that when writing a formal essay, the connecting words "and, but, and because" are never used to start sentences. These are used only to connect 2 connected ideas within one sentences or to justify the reason for a given thought in the sentence. As word connectors, these can never used to anchor a sentence starting point.  
  
Some of your sentences lack clarity such as :  
It is unclear why ~~do~~ the business retract their contracts.  
The word "do" is unnecessary in this case because it is a verb used in the present singular. You are already talking of a previous action in this case.  
  
The essay is clear in terms of discussion points. It properly assessed the given memorandum and provided a clear series of considerations that need to be validated before the letter can be given any credence.
## Report the main features and make comparisons

  
  
The bar chart illustrates the percentage of profits made from seven most popular kinds of movies in US cinemas in 3 different years: 1995, 2000 and 2005 as the proportion of total ernings of American film industry.  
  
Overall, it appears that the profits came from seven genres of movies fluctuated, but adventure and drama seemed to experience many changes. Moreover, adventure, comedy, action and drama generated more profits than other genres.  
  
Looking at the graph more closely, one can see that in 1995 drama was the most lucrative kind of movie, accounted for one-third of the total earnings. Drama was followed by comedy, which generated 20 percent. Action was also favorite, which represented for roughly 17 percent. Ranked in the fourth place was adventure, which captured for about one-five of total. The figures for thriller, musicals and animation were considerably lower, accounting for about 7 percent, 5 percent and 3 percent. In 2000, comedy became the most profitable genre of music, surging significantly to 25 percent. The upward trend can be also seenin thriller, musicals and animation. By contrast, the percentages of profits came from adventure, action and drama started to decrease to 10 percent, 16 percent and 23 percent.  
  
At the last stage of the period, the proportion of profits made from comedy remained highest among 7 genres, increasing to 27 percent. A similar pattern can be seen in adventure and animation. One of which experienced the largest change, growing dramatically to almost 25 percent. Meanwhile, the figures for other genres such as action, drama, thriller and musicals all declined.  
  
(261 words)  
  
*
261 words means that you took at least 40 minutes to write this task. You over wrote the reporting essay. You should only have 175-190 words presented here. There are only 20 minutes allotted for this task completion. You cut into the writing time of your Task 2 essay. So, you may end up not having enough time to complete the writing requirements of the next essay, which needs 40 minutes to complete the task. Practice writing with a timer next time. That way you will know exactly how many words you can write within 20 minutes. You have to make sure you properly allot your time to allow for editing after you draft the report.  
  
In the summary overview, you forgot to enumerate the top 7 movie genres as a part of the most popular kinds of movies reference. You also presented a run on sentence. Always provide at least 3 sentences per paragraph. Never deliver all the information just in one sentence. That will limit and lower your GRA score. Your aim is to show versatility in your writing. That is done through different types of sentence presentation and punctuation usage. So do not limit your presentation to the short cut method of reporting the data.
## Writing Task 2 - Broading school

  
  
Some people feel that boarding schools (where students or pupils live at the school during the term) are an excellent option for children, while other people disagree for a number of reasons.  
  
Consider both sides of this debate and reach a conclusion.  
  
It is often said that boarding school is a great environment for children to develop. However, the issue is not entirely straightforward, and arguments can also be made against the idea. The essay will discuss the debate and give a concluding outlook.  
  
On the one hand, those who support boarding school cite that living in the school all of term's time can form the principle in children which is ruined by various distractor sources. These sources range from the smartphone addiction, to noisy spaces and lack of parents' control. Meanwhile, other argument is that living far from home would make those students form the independent and confident, which are essential factors in the flat world. To a certain extent, attending boarding school can be a good stepping stone for students who want to study abroad in the future because its environment partially simulates the oversea environment.  
  
On the other hand, opponents of this view point out that the restricted environment would be curtails the development of children, especially those in formative years. For instance, the students who are in school all of the time cannot have much outside opportunities like attending events, visiting heritages compared to the other counterparts. Moreover, it would seem that the generation gap would be extended due to less family time, which is quite large in this technology era. This issue can lead to endless conflicts between children and their parents in the coming times. Finally, it must be said that not all children are suited to study in boarding school, because of their own situation.  
  
Overall, it seems advisable that the decision to put the children to boarding school should be considered seriously via their own interest, ability and family circumstances, rather than on the general view that it is an excellent option.
I believe that you just made up the prompt for this essay. Why do I say that? The prompt does not make sense. The reasoning for the discussion in the original prompt is incomplete. There is only one reason provided for why the student should live in boarding schools, but no reason for the disagreeing side. Yet, you are being asked to consider both sides of the debate and reach a conclusion? Nope. There is no way that discussion will work. There is only one side for consideration so a debate and conclusion cannot be reached. Perhaps you did not post the original prompt? Maybe you accidentally tried to rephrase the presentation for posting here? Whatever your reason, it will be difficult to judge your essay based on an incomplete and/ or inaccurate prompt.  
  
Your essay, based on the given prompt requirements, should have 3 discussion paragraphs to provide clarity regarding your topic sentences:  
Par. 2: Pro boarding school  
Par. 3: Anti boarding school  
Par. 4: Conclusion  
Par. 5: Summary conclusion  
  
Your current paragraph presentations have way too many topic sentences, not enough developed discussions based on the topic sentences. Provide only one ore two connected topic sentences per paragraph, do not overstate reasons because you will fail to justify the reasons and its connections. Your paragraph will come across as under developed and weak in terms of explanations and supporting reasons.
## are Sportsmen more entertaining than sportswomen?

  
  
While sport channels are widely spread all over the world, men's participation are more likely to show up on television rather than women due to interest . Personally, i do feel this is understandable and i will explain why in this essay.  
  
On the one hand , as we can see ,television is consumed as an entertainment device, that is why the directors critically focus on the content of the channels in order to absorb the attention of viewers. Man sports acquire suspense moments, amazing skills,strength and violent actions which may attract countless male viewers. For instance, in a football match, male playground frequently witness plot twist, versatility and drama, whereas female seems to be rarely have these factors and underperformance. Thus , in spectators perspective , it is less pleasant . If the reaction was different lead to the unequal in profit and investment, it could impact on the outcome of selection in content .  
  
On the other hand,i do believe that women attempt in sports illustrate enormous potential of skills in manifold match. it should not always be men priority if the quality of the match is obviously better. Nevertheless, in terms of sport channels, it is not only about the gender equality, but also about the people needs which need concern in many aspects.  
  
In conclusion , i strongly advocate the former option rather than the later because of a wider audience watching men's sports channels. It is about how much it influence on people as spectators and producers, in entertainment and profits, there is nothing involved in gender equability