dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The summary overview is incorrectly written. Each image, though related to each other in content, is presented using different data representations. Therefore, each graph should have been presented in individual descriptive sentences. An example of this is:  
  
*2 related line graphs were presented for analysis. The first graph, measured the size of the Antarctic hole and was measured in square kilometers. The second graph presented, measured the production of damaging gases in the thousands of metric tons. The gases measured were Freon, NO2 , and H2O2. Both images represented a study from 1980-2000. The trend for the antarctic hole graph is... While the measured gases were inclined to represent...*  
  
It would be good for you to start the practice of at least 3 sentences per paragraph as required by the GRA scoring. Do not overuse the Oxford comma in your presentations. Instead,use a variety of punctuation marks such as a semicolon, colon, percent sign, etc. That way you can show an ability to properly use punctuation marks in relation to grammar range and accuracy, as well as cohesive and coherent paragraph presentations.  
  
Based on these observations, it is possible that the highest score you can receive will be within the 4-4.5 bracket.
## unhealthy diet and obesity

  
  
Nowadays, Western people 's health is getting terrible health problems due to an unhealthy diet. Some experts claim that they need to change their diet. From my point of view, I totally agree with this viewpoint.  
  
To begin with, obesity tends to be the biggest health problem in developed countries. Many people found that eating habits are a good way for them to get relaxed also reduce work or school pressure. As a result, many advertisers made a wealth of fortunes by targeting consumers' psychologies such as McDonald's, KFC, and Burger King. For example, my ex-classmate, a Danish girl who is a huge fan of Hamburgers, whenever she has free time, she often goes to some fast-food restaurants near her school, to have a burger, and to chill out with her friends after stressful school time. Therefore, she is now 88 kilograms because of her non-moderation eating plan. This story clearly illustrates how danger if we do not have a balanced diet.  
  
Moreover, Western people should follow how people in Asia plan their eating habits. As written above. The diet of some Eastern countries mostly is good for health so people in Asia often share equally amount nutrients of their meals, half is for soup, a fourth is for vegetables, and the rest is for fresh meat. Take my grandma as an example, she is really great at designing a balanced diet so her children like my mother and my uncle got in shape when they were young and they have learned a lots from my grandma until now.  
  
To sum up, I suppose that Western people should consider their diet carefully or perhaps the best solution is that they should alter their diet to make it more healthy, especially for people who have trouble with obesity.
It is difficult to review this essay because, while I know it is for an English exam, I am not sure if you are doing it for TOEFL or IELTS. I would have had a clue as to the type of test if you included the prompt with your post. Since there is no prompt and no test identifier, I can only give you a general grammar review for your essay. Here it goes.  
  
Avoid redundancies in your presentation. When you say " from my point of view", there is no need to end the sentence with "from my viewpoint". That is already clear to the reviewer from the first few words you used in the sentence.  
  
Use a specific time frame reference. Do not mix past and present references in a paragraph. It confuses the reader and makes your meaning difficult to keep track of and understand.  
  
You made excellent use of personal knowledge and familiar examples in this essay. It shows that you understood that the strength of the essay lies in how well you understood the discussion topic, instructions, and its applicability to your personal life.  
  
Good work as far as I can tell. I hope you can provide the prompt next time so I can give a more detailed review of your presentation.
## i enjoy English

  
  
I have a lot of tricks to learn English . I learn English at home ,by my self and also attend a English class too . There are a lot tricks to learn new word , I write it on the note and stick it on the wall so when I go into my room ,I can see it . And when I remember it , I take it off . I learn grammar by do a lot of English topic and write essays.I also learn another skills too .To speak English good, I talk with friends by English.To listening good, I listen to CDs and English cartoon. Sometimes ,I practise talking English with mom too .Practice English is very fun .
The space bar is your friend when typing. Remember to use it after a period in a sentence so that the next word presentation can be properly pronounced by the reader. When you fail to put a space between words of punctuation marks, it creates a difficulty in reading your text. Do not forget that you have to use use an adverb instead of an adjective when saying "listening good (well)". Also, myself is one word, not 2. The indefinite article "an" should be used in reference to your attending English class (I attend AN English class.) People also often confuse the words other and another in reference to skills. The correct sentence presentation is "I learn OTHER skills too.". In the noun phrase "There are a lot tricks", you should insert "of" between "lot" and "tricks".
You have to study more about grammar , vocabulary and structure sentences to start writing essay . I think your learning way to learn by heart new words is not actually effective . From my perspective, I usually write new words on a piece of paper and write its meaning on back side and then put them into the box . At least 20 words per day I can learn by disordering them and next day I continue to take the progress again and try memorise and relearn the word I learnt yesterday . This leading to remember new words longer.  
  
Good Jobs.
I want to see all of your comments below the my essay . Thank for your response !!!! My target is band 6.0  
  
## the proportion of Australian males and females, doing exercises regularly

  
  
**The Topic : The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age group who did regular physical activity in 2010.**  
  
The given bar chart gives information about the proportion of males and females , doing exercise regularly according to six different age groups ( 15-24 ,25-34, 35-44 , 45-55 , 55-64 , 64-over ) in Australia in 2010.  
  
It is crystal clear that the percentage of both men and women who did regular physical activities are vary consistently throughout age groups.  
On the one hand , 15-24 year olds of men rate were the highest percentage of people usually taking part in physical activities and accounted for roughly 53% . The figures then declined slightly to 42,2% and hit a low of 39,5% for 35-44 year-old-man in the chart . Noticeably, there was an upward trend for those aged 45-54 , 55-64 and older ascent continually from 43,1% to 45% and 47,7% respectively.  
  
On the other hand , the number of women who did workout regularly aged 15to 24 increased slightly from 47,7% to 49% at the aged of 25-33 years old and then this figure also rose approximately 52,5% in the 35-44 age group . Furthermore , the data of those aged 45 to 54 reached the highest point of 53,3% in over year. However , the number of 55 to 64 year old women decreased slowly to 53% and were a corresponding drop in 47,1 at the 65 and over age group.  
  
*
There should be a comparative trending statement as a part of the summary overview presentation. That way, the explanation regarding the trend of male and female users are clearly presented to the reader. Your trending statement does not really stand out in this essay because you merged it with the discussion paragraphs. The trending statements are usually presented at the end of the summary, or as a stand alone sentence because the examiner needs to see how the trend relates to the given images. You did not really achieve that purpose in your current presentation.  
  
Don't forget to hyphenate the age references in your essay whenever possible. You should also indicate "vary consistently", not "are vary consistently". In relation to that, you wrote 219 words. A number of words that you cannot achieve in writing within the 20 minutes allotted for this task, Please use a timer next time so that you can get a better idea of how many words you can actually write within the given time frame. Aim to write no less that 175 words, no more than 190 words so that you will have editing and revision minutes to spare before moving on to the Task 2 essay.
I appreciate all your comment on my essay below:  
  
***Topic: Some people believe that there should be fixed punishment for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that circumstances of an individual crime and the motivation for committing it should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment**.  
  
## Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion*  
  
The level of flexibility in the judiciary has been a debatable topic for a long time. Should the same crime always be given the same punishment or should the judges consider how and why that crime is committed before making a decision?  
  
On the one hand, advocates of fixed punishment argue that in order to make sure that everyone is treated equally by the law, people committing the same crime must receive the same sanction. In addition, stating clearly the penalty for each crime also avoids creating grey areas in the law that criminals can lean on to escape from paying their price.  
  
On the other hand, other people think that the circumstance and motivation behind each crime must be taken into consideration when giving a sentence because these factors show the severity of each criminal case as well as the level of dangerous each criminal has to the society.  
  
I personally agree with the second opinion. I think that it is inhuman to automatically sentence a person to a fixed punishment without considering the situation and reason behind his actions. A man committing murder for self-defense or to protect someone must be given a lighter sentence than a murderer for money. Underage criminals have not been mature yet so they must also be given a second chance to realize that they were wrong and grow up to be good people.  
  
In conclusion, I support the opinion that the law should always take into account the motivation and circumstance of each individual crime to ensure that people who made mistake in the past can still lead a useful life in the future and contribute to the society. However, the legal system must be strict and specific enough so that it does not create any holes for criminals to take advantages of in order to avoid punishments.
Hi. I have some suggestions for your essay =)))):  
  
- I think it would be better if you write each paragraph with 3-5 sentences. Also, I suggest combining the 2 discussion paragraphs here into 1 single paragraph only. By doing so, your presentation would be much clearer and more concise.  
  
- I like your discussion here, something I usually find difficult to present. However, I think you should use some connective devices to make it less troubling to be followed. And if you have used the pronoun "I", then the word "personally" would be redundant  
  
- There is still something that is not sitting right with the fourth paragraph. I will paste it down here:  
  
*... and grow up to be good people.*  
  
You should replace "good" with other adjectives here. "Good" is general, it does not indicate much. It would be better if you substitute "good" with an adjective describing personality, such as "law-abiding".  
  
I think that's all I want to comment here. In general, I really like your writing here. You have succeeded in doing something that I generally lack =)))))
Do not exaggerate the topic presentation in the paraphrase. You will lose points for not using proper translation terms for the keywords in the essay. In this case, the keyword was "Discussion". So the alternative words that could have been used are talks, opinions, conversation, dialogue, and discourse. Never use inflammatory descriptions in an essay response. The examiner will see the words and know that you are trying to impress him with vocabulary usage. However, instead of scoring up in the LR section, you will score down because you will be using a word that does not apply to the original keyword presentation. In the second paragraph, don't say "argue". A better replacement word would be "offer reasons" or "explain that". Again, no inflammatory word usage. It does not help the essay move upward in the scoring scale.  
  
You did not appropriately deliver the restatement of the paragraph. Instead, you offered a question that does not relate to the original prompt. This is considered an alteration of the original prompt. Such an alteration, which became the focus of your response, will lead to a lower TA score as you show that you did not understand how the discussion topic is to be approached.  
  
The TA section is a highly important part of the scoring. This is where your English comprehension skills are scored via your ability to explain a certain discussion using your own words, while still keeping the essence of the original presentation. Your essay failed to do this and as such, will receive a score that reflects your inability to properly restate a prompt. By posing a question instead of simply restating the facts, you have endangered more than half your total score.
## The tuition fees issue

  
  
University education should be free to everyone, *regardless of income. To what extent do you agree? 300-350 words.*  
  
There is currently a contentious argument over whether a zero cost of university tuition fees should be given to every students notwithstanding their income. From my point of view, I am not in favor of this opinion due to the two main reasons.  
  
To begin with, I believe that students are responsible of paying for their own acquisition of knowledge, especially for the precious lessons which they receive at universities. Consequently,they are also likely to be more appreciative and try to develop a methodical study approach. It is a common sense that every movements in life bring experience and have its value. In order to achieve it, a determined money and time investment is compelled. The aforementioned idea can be applied in this case.If undergraduates desire knowledge or experience, they have to pay a price.  
  
Another reason why I do not approve of the notion is that it may cause a deficit in the institutions' budget. Given that the school do not earn any profit from the tuition fees, the school board of managers can have a difficulty remunerating the teaching staff as well as the service workers, not to mention electricity and other facilities. In addition, some of the teachers might resign because of the low-paid salary. This eventually leads to the degradation of the university 's reputation and quality.  
  
In conclusion, I do not agree with the opinion that education at university should be free no matter how much they could afford. This can be put down to two rationales: the responsibility of students to pay for their pursuits and the lack of money in institutions. In this case, I highly recommend applying for a scholarship to lower the cost or searching for a part-time job to earn more money.  
  
P/S: Can u give me my band, contributors?
1. In the first paragraph, "**students**" should be singular.  
  
2. In the end of second paragraph, it should be "**pay the price**".  
  
3. In the third paragraph, I suppose what you are writing about was a possibility not reality, so the tone of the sentences should be adjusted a little:  
  
Given that the school do not earn any profit from the tuition fees, the school board of managers could have a difficulty remunerating the teaching staff as well as the service workers, not to mention electricity and other facilities.  
  
This eventually would lead to the degradation ...  
  
4. In the last paragraph, it would be better to mention "**students**" directly instead of "they". I also change the last part for a bit:  
This can be put down to two rationales: the responsibility of students to pay for their own pursuits and the possibility of lack of funding in institutions. In this case, ... a part-time job to ease the financial problem.
There was an incomplete response to the prompt discussion question. Since this is a measured response essay, it is imperative that you address the question with a degree of agreement or disagreement. Terms such as strongly, completely, wholly, fully, are a few of the terms that you can use to connote your measured response. You cannot say you equally support the statements because the essay clearly asks you to defend one side over the other in your reasoning paragraphs.  
  
Now, your reasoning is sound and obviously based on personal considerations of the aforementioned topics. While the grammar is not perfect, you managed to make yourself understood throughout the essay. I would like to warn you about your spelling though. Remember that you are taking a test that uses UK English. As such, you should make an effort to learn how to spell the words in the UK manner, rather than the US manner. You will score more LR points for spelling in the correct form of English for the test.  
  
You had a disagreement within the noun phrase "given to every students". Since every connotes a singular form of the word, then the subject should be in the singular reference as well. Hence "given to every student.".  
  
Based on these observations, I believe that you could get the following score, per section:  
  
TA - 5 due to the improper prompt response  
C&C - 6 because of the problem with your use of cohesive devices  
LR - 6 Vocabulary is adequate for the task  
GRA - 6. Your sentence formation is proper enough to not confuse the reader of make your references difficult to understand.
## continuing study or get a job?

  
  
After graduating from high school, we always have two options: some students want to continue their education at university or college for a better job and somes want to get a job straight after school. While there are benefits to who wants to study at university (college), there are also good reasons why it might be beneficial to who has a job after being a high school student.  
  
First, let's talk about how the university would become one of the shortest way to have a good job. If you want to have a successful career, you need to have well-qualification, meanwhile, the university is a place which can help you to achieve that. At university, there are many high-quality teachers and good facilities that you will need for your future. Besides, studying in an educational environment can create some relationships that are on good terms with classmates, lecturers, professors may help us in the future. Furthermore, before having an actual job, the university will have a program called "internship". There, we can practice in a very professional environment. We do not afraid of making mistakes because it is one of the ways we gain experience which helps us not to be too surprised about what we are going to do in reality. Moreover, people having a university degree usually get a higher chance than people who do not.  
  
On the contrary, there are variety reasons why many students choose to take a job right after high school graduation. As I said before,the university is one of the shortest way to have a good job, but it is not the only way leading to a successful career. With some people who have a bravery personality, they can stand on their own without educating at university. Instead of that, they choose to be a "start-up" running their own business. In addition, when working early in young age, we always have more experience than anyone else's. The more challenges, difficulties we choose to face with, the more mature we are.  
  
In conclusion, it seems evident that both studying at university and going to work after school advantageous in their own ways
Since you did not post the full prompt, I cannot properly review your essay. The topic you chose to write about seems to be a mix of 2 different IELTS prompts so I would need to read the actual prompt to be sure about how I should analyze the content and presentation of your essay. So I'll focus on the format instead.  
  
There is a 5 sentence limitation for all the paragraphs. You must also make sure to present a proper mix of simple and complex sentences in your paragraphs. It appears that you have mistaken run-on sentences for complex sentences. Long sentences do not mean it is a complex sentence. However, it does mean that it is a confusing sentence to read as it becomes difficult to keep track of your discussion topics and presentation. Avoid overwriting, but do not underwrite either.  
  
The concluding paragraph is not presented in the reverse paraphrase format. It is also too short. You need to familiarize yourself with the proper rephrasing requirements for those 2 sections. You can read examples of how to properly format those paragraphs at this forum through the reading of previous sample works.
Hi, I am doing the task 2 writing of IELTS exam practices. I have attached the full task requirement in the picture below. Thanks for your help!  
  
## the most critical environmental problems

  
  
Views often differ on whether the reduction of the floral and fauna is more vital or there are more crucial environmental concerns. Personally, I would argue that environmental problems is an umbrella term which includes several issues, not only plants and animals.  
  
The first group of people believe that the dominant current natural problems of our time is the decreased amount of plants and animals. There are a lot of polar bears are facing the death because of being starved, when there is insufficient food in the two poles of the globe. Many forests are devastated by droughts, floods or fires and they can not survive. A lot of species are at the near extinction.  
  
However, I would be inclined to argue against this as I think the reasons that leads to those consequences are the climate change and pollution problems. The global temperature is getting higher and higher everyday. It melts the ice in two poles, it causes many forest fires and these contribute to severed destruction of many plants and animals' living habitats. Human is not in the exception when being impacted substantially by air, water, soil, even noise pollutions. Polluted rivers, atmosphere, or non-biodegradeable plastics are buried underneath the ground are also significant matters. Thus, we should prioritize the the climate change and pollution concerns over their consequences.  
  
To sum up, apart from the mass extinction of natural species, we should also pay attention to the climate and pollution problems. Facing this challenging obstacles, all humanity should cut down on economic benefits and be more eco-friendly.  
  
*   
*This is the task requirement*
It is highly possible that your essay would only get a 4 maximum scoring bracket. There are several reasons for this possible score:  
  
- The prompt paraphrase is incomplete as it does not represent the two points of view in the paraphrase.  
- An opinion was provided for the discussion in the prompt paraphrase when no comparison of the points of view were done yet.  
- The reasoning paragraphs only cover one public point of view and a persona point of view. The second point of view was not discussed in a separate paragraph as required by the prompt instructions.  
  
- The conclusion is not a reasoning summary. Instead it offers a continuing discussion of reasons within the essay. This is an open ended essay.  
  
When the spelling and grammar issues are considered along with the TA errors, it appears that there cannot be a higher score than 4 for this type of presentation.