dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
@gribigribi  
First and foremost, it was such a good essay for writing task 1 IELTS, all the components have been fulfilled. Included:  
1.Introduction (Background and Overview)  
2.Main body 1 and 2  
In addition, the essay are well-ordered and you give such a full interpretation on the charts.  
However, you have to more tweak your essay and I would like to give my humble opinion on your enormous essay.  
Firstly, *"~~The pie charts presents~~ "* should be replace with **"The pie chart presents"** or **"The pie charts present"**, you have to more pay attention on tenses.  
  
Secondly, if you use superlative, you have to put "the.." in front of it, such as "The smallest" then your overall should sounds like "Overall, it is noticeable that both countries spent the smallest proportion...."  
  
Lastly, its better if you add some "connectors" in Body Paragraph 1 such as "Moving to a more details...," or "Looking at the figures.." to beautify your essay.  
  
Cheers,
## the Profit of a restaurant in October

  
  
Information about the sales during an ordinary October week at a small restaurant is presented in the following table.  
  
It is clear that the revenues during the dinners were significantly greater than at the lunches. The highest sales for the dinners were experienced on Fryday, whereas the highest profit during the lunches was observed on Wednesday.  
  
On Monday, the sales at lunch were for 2400$, while the dinner revenue was of approximately 3600$. The sale volumes for both dinner and lunch went up in the following day. The upward trend continue in the lunch's revenue on Wednesday, while a decrease was observed in the sales for the dinner in that day.  
  
The sale volumes for lunch on Thursday witnessed diminished, but then on Friday they went up again. In contrast, the dinner's revenue uplifted on Thursday and they the revenue skyrocketed on the next day, as sales for more than 4300$ were observed during that day. At the weekend the revenues for both types decreased dramatically, as on Sunday they hit their lowest points 1550$ and 2450$, resprectevely for the lunch and dinner.
Hi @krempetkov ,  
  
Based on what I know, had experienced, and what has been told many times to me about the IELTS test, I will help in providing some feedback for you to consider upon:  
  
First and foremost, please pay attention to your spelling. Spelling might look like a minor problem, however, IELTS is an exacting test where you have to spell **all** words correctly (I have taken IELTS prediction tests, watched IELTS video, and done many mini-IELTS seminars, workshops, and trials for at least 6 months, so, I can say these). I notice in paragraph 2, you wrote, "***Fryday***", while it should be "***Friday***". In paragraph 4 when you described about the degrading part of Sunday's sales revenue, it should be, "...***Respectively*** for the lunch and dinner," and not, "...***Resprectevely*** for the lunch and dinner,"  
  
Another thing is the way you write dollar: As far as I know, dollar symbols never got written at the back, instead, we write it in front of numbers. So, instead of writing 3600$, 2400$, and so on, will it be better if you change it into $3600, $2400, and so on? You can even add comma for every thousands, so, it'll be like: $3,600; $2,400; and so on.  
  
"The sale volumes" on paragraph 3 should be replaced with, "The volume of sales" or "The amount of lunch and dinner sold". Remember not to write the same phrase on different sentences/paragraphs to increase your coherence and cohesion, as told by the UQx on the EDX platform (edx.org/ ; in case you want to enrol on the course, the name of the course is: "IELTS Academic Test Preparation". Trust me, it's very useful :) I had jumped by 1-band in just 2-3 months.)  
  
Finally, I can't comment more on your essay's trend description (decreasing, increasing, etc) since there were no pictures provided. Do you still save the picture? If yes, I encourage you to show it to all of us, so that hopefully, all of us will be able to give more comprehensive feedback on your essay.  
  
As for other members and moderators, please do not hesitate to correct my feedback or add your own, should there be any. I promise it'll be so much helpful to both of us :)  
  
-blueknightiris
Question :  
**The graphs below provide information on global population figures and figures for urban populations in different world regions.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
Answer:  
The graphs compare the data on how fast world wide population growth in numbers and statistics of urban population in different world regions. It can be seen that international population experienced a gradual increasing in previous years while there will be a sharply expectation growth in the next years. Besides, there was a rapid increasing in developed urban. On the other hand, there will be predicted a stable growth in developed regions.  
  
The statistic of the world population was clearly pointing that the population growth in year 1800 to 1960 went up gradually between 1000 and roughly 2000 of population growth. Moreover, it will be predicted from around year 1960 to 2040 that population will be roughly 2000 to 8000. In contrary, along year 2040 to 2100 will go down steadly to be from 8000 to around 6000 population growth.  
  
Besides, there is an expectation that in 2015 to 2040 will be a significant growing of pupulation in urban developed which it becomes around 2000 to 4000 population growth. On the other hand, there will be a stable of population growth from 2015 to 2040.  
  
*
In your introduction, you should explain what information both graphs are presenting.  
  
The bar graph provides information about the..... , whereas the graph reveals.....  
  
It's good that you are giving overall information in your first paragraph, but it's better to stick with 1, maximum 2 sentences.  
  
It can be seen that international population experienced a gradual increasing in previous years while there will be a sharply expectation growth in the next years ------ ....experienced a gradual increase in the previous years, while a sharp growth is expected to be observed in the next years.  
  
During the period between 1800 and 1960 the world population had been increasing gradually and overall it went up from 1000(million) to ....  
  
Also, try to use variety of transition phrases - you have used Besides and On the other hand - twice in your report
Thank you for reading my topic, I'm so thankful if you check and correct my mistakes  
  
**Increasing travels between countries enable people to learn different cultures or to increase tension between people from different countries?**  
  
## broadening travelers' horizon and betterment of the local life

  
  
In recent years, globalization has been promoted throughout the world, accelerating international tourism. Many adopt a view that the hostility between local citizens and foreign tourists because of their distinct culture and notion; however, the benefits of international travel can be overshadowed the disadvantages.  
  
Firstly, it is popular that the oversea tourists usually show their respect to local cultures, although they are sometimes conflicting, opposing to their lifestyle conception. In fact, many arrivers feel interested when they discover local cultures helping visitors leave their prejudices toward these customs. As an saying goes: "When in Rome, do as Romans do", this old saying indicates that tourists traveling to other countries should comply with their cultures and this is a stepping-stone encouraging foreigners to understand locals more clearly. For example, wearing niqab in Arab nations is a mandatory because of teachings of Koran but it is a strange thing in Western countries, as a result of this people can gain a mutual understanding when they travel to each nation.  
  
Secondly, another justification for international tourism is that it can open up more opportunities for business activities throughout the world. Anecdotal evidence shows that investors are able to expand their company to foreign countries and run it better when international travel is boosted, after that, businessman can take full advantages of their experience. Besides, foreign investment also benefit to residents which help them earning handsome incomes through providing service materials for tourists. In other words, this commerce may result in enhancing their life, respecting their customs and increasing the hospitality, thereby reducing the enmity each other.  
  
In conclusion, not only does international travel curb cultural perceptive differences but also broaden travelers' horizon and improve local life, notwithstanding the lack of comprehension of a few people in modern community.
Well, there are a few problems with your Introduction paragraph.  
  
Your first sentence should paraphrase the question, while in your essay you are generalizing the whole topic. It's better to start writing straight foward to the topic.  
  
About your second sentence - you are not taking a position?  
  
Many adopt a view that the hostility between local citizens and foreign tourists because of their distinct culture and notion - WHAT VIEW?  
  
... a view that there is a hostility.  
  
I will suggest to use this strategy for your introductions -  
  
Paraphrase question  
Thesis statement  
Outline statement  
  
So first you start with paraphrasing the question. Then you state your point - "I think that most people can benefit from the traveling and it certainly help people to espouse new ways of thinking."(that is just an example - but the point is to show what is your opinion and to make a clear statement.)  
  
After that, write an Outline statement(what are your arguments.) "Firstly, i will explain how the travelling can help many people learn new languages and secondly, i will discuss how travelling can influence the way you see the world" (That is not a good example, but i hope you can get my point)
**In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment.  
What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, can/should be done about it?**  
  
After the economyc crysis in 2008, many countries are experiencing difficulties in the economic sector. Nowadays, in many parts of the world numerous students are facing problems finding themselves an approtiate job after the end of their university education. In my opinion, the lack of research before choosing an university degree, as well as the increasing value of experience are the main factors contributing to this problem.  
  
After graduation school, many students have no idea what to do with their lives. That leads to the moment, when many of them choose to apply for the most popular degrees at the moment, rather than seach for those, which will be valuable and successful for the future. That said, after 5 years of university education, the prevalent part of them realized that they have applied for a degree without proper perspectives for finding a well-paid job. Moreover, in tough economic environment like today's, many employers prefer to not take any risks, and do not assign people without sufficient experience in the job area.  
  
If we want to tackle this problem, we should educate our children that what is popular and in demand today, can be out of date tomorrow. Students need to have a vision for the future and apply for degrees that are likely to bring them success in long term. Furthermore, they need to find ways to implement and test the learned material into the real world. It is essential for the students to have experience "on the field" and they should be foster by the government to participate in work programs or spend time in a company thorugh different interships.  
  
In conclusion, I think that nowadays, the whole process of choosing an university degree is completely wrong. The government and school authorities should provide assistance and incentives to people from the younger generations for choosing degrees, which are going to be valuable and popular in the long-term.
**Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A zoo has no useful purpose.**  
  
## zoos make people care for animals

  
  
Nowadays, many people think that zoos are pointless and do not provide any real value to the society. This essay will disagree with this statement, as it will explain the positive sides from the existence of zoos. The essay will first focus on how zoos can protect endangered species and then will discuss how can zoos influence people and make them more responsible about the environment.  
  
Zoos are capable of preserving species that are facing extinction. Providing safe environment, as well as enough food and suitable shelter for the animals, these artificially created parks are able to save numerous animal species. Moreover, zoos can sustain the perfect conditions for propagation among animals, and by doing that they can increase the overall population of these endangered species. For example, in China 30 years ago, pandas were threaten from extinction, but then the government take most of the living pandas into zoos and now their population is constantly rising.  
  
Another positive given by zoos is that they foster people to take care of the animal kingdom and therefore makes them more environmentally conscious. If a child sees how beautiful and innocent one animal can be, it will instantly become more responsible about its actions related to the preserving of the environment. By presenting the wonders of the nature and how fascinating its creatures can be, governments could inspire the people to look after the environment. In addition to this, numerous foundations and clubs have been funded due to the influence exerted by zoos.  
  
In conclusion, I think that zoos could be a game-changer in the mission of changing people's attitude towards the environmental problems that we face today. Zoos are not only capable of preserving animals species that face extinction, but as a concomitant they can inspire the future generations to take care of the animal kingdom.
Hi, your grammar is very good. In your intro, I would not write "This essay will do this, this essay will do that" Just write your opinion as a statement - you are the one we want to hear from, not your essay. I would also add transitions like "First" "In addition" and so on to your body paragraphs. Otherwise, I think your structure is effective for an IELTS essay. Here are a few specific suggestions:  
  
... Providing safe environment[s ], as well as  
  
...animals, and by doing [so] they can increase the  
  
... pandas were threaten[ed by] ~~from~~ extinction, but then the government [took] most  
  
... animal kingdom and therefore [make] them more environmentally  
  
... related to the preserving {"preservation" is better} of the environment.
Please give me a feedback on this topic . I would be really grateful  
  
**Young people in the modern world seem to have more power and influence than any previous young generation.  
Why is this the case? What impact does this have on the relationship between old and young people?**  
  
## evaluation of young and old generation

  
  
It is undeniable that the youth today tends to be more powerful than every other generation in the past, which may effect on the relationship between the young and old people . The change happened due to many reasons connected with the technological development and an improvement in the educational programs.  
  
To begin with that the universities provide modern facilities so that the youth today has a wide variety of opportunities to discover new aspects of science . Moreover, another benefit can be taken from the internet network. By using it, modern kids can not only communicate with each other from the entire the world easily but they also, via internet gather useful information and keep them up to date about any subject they want. As a result of being more informed, social and familiar with technologies, young people seem to have more power and influence, while the majority of the previous generation cannot successfully cope with the raising innovations .  
  
Therefore, an increasing gap among young people and old people may occur because of not understanding each other's needs and underestimating the new technology. For example, using internet or some applications is considered from the older as a waste of time and definitely not an appropriate way to enlarge your knowledge.  
  
To sum up, today's generation is said to have more control due to being provided a wide range of facilities in time of a fast technological development. The previous offspring did not have such opportunities and experience with technique ,which sometime causes a negative impact on the relationship between old and young people due to misunderstanding. In my opinion, both have to make efforts to understand each other no matter the difference in their age.
Hello Anna,  
I am suggesting some correction. Hope it will helpful.  
  
It is undeniable that the youth today tends to be more powerful than ...  
(This sentence is unclear. make it simple and short.)  
  
Moreover, another benefit can be taken from the internet network.  
Does it mean that senior generation is not using the internet.Please state your point.  
  
By using it, modern kids can not only communicate with ...  
(This sentence confusing the reader and check the use of punctuation)  
  
To sum up, today's generation is said to ...  
(To sum up, young generation have wide range of new and advanced technology)  
  
your essay needs clarity.  
Hope it will help you.
Everyone need a coach to enhance our quality of doing something. Every people need a feedback, that is the way we improve . however, only a few group of people almost know a sistematically feedback to help them to do their job better. Trake teachers as the example, over 90 per cent teachers always give particular feedback in one word, "satisfactory".  
  
When the teachers say it was satisfactory, Bill Gates said that he had no hope to be better. Our teachers deverse better and how we can help teachers to ehance their skills and performance. C hina is the best rank in reading proficiency because they give a adequate feedback and measure properly to the teachers as well as, of course, the teachers give feedback to the students.  
  
Why it was so important? Because there are so many factors, teachers has their asses and evaluate their tudents to give a feedback to set up the best curriculume as methods in teaching.
Mohammad, I am not sure about how to review your essay. That is because you failed to provide the prompt requirement that accompanied the response that you wrote. Is this something that belong to an IELTS, TOEFL, or any other educational qualifying exam practice test? Or are you responding to a specific college application prompt? My response and advice to what you have written will depend upon the kind of purpose that this essay was written for. That, depends upon the prompt you have been given.  
  
I feel like there is much more to Bill Gate's representation in the essay than what you have here at the moment. Is this supposed to be an article summary? If so, please provide the link. Your essay doesn't reflect the kind of discussion that your chosen title implied the reader would have learned if he had opted to read your essay from beginning to end. Please provide the additional information soon so that a more relevant review of your essay can be made.
The graphs show the data about the people who live in the world and also the people who live in the areas. Overall, the number of world population developed from 1800 to 2050 before was predicted to decrease in 2100. The citizen who live in the developing areas had an increase number of the population.  
  
Nevertheless, the citizen who live in the developed areas has an unchanging number of the population.  
In 1800, the number of the world population were 1000 million people, and the number were gradually grown approximately 3000 million of the people in 1960, and it increased dramatically at 8000 in 2040. It was projected to decline enormously to 6000 in 2100.  
  
In contrast, the number of the citizen who lived in the developed areas was above 1000 million of the people in 2015 which has an unchanging number of the population until 2040. While, the citizen who lived in developing areas had an increase number of the population above 2000 in 2015. The number of citizen in developing areas will increase dramatically to 4000 in 2040.  
  
*
@ayrahumairah  
Hallo Ms. Ayra  
Good Evenings......  
I will try to correct your writing. I am not really good in a writing actually, so I hope we can discuss.  
  
In the introdoction you write :  
The graphs show the data about the people **who live in the world and also the people who live in the areas.**,  
In this introduction, I think you not clearly describe information about graph, whereas it is important before you continue to overview. Maybe, you can change to : The graphs show the data about the people who live in theglobal world and also the people who live in the areas.  
  
In the body your write :  
Nevertheless, the citizen who live ...  
  
I think, you dont need to use the enter button. You can delete the enter.  
  
In the body at the second line you write:  
In 1800, the number of the world population ...  
  
Please You write adverb after verb and You must be careful about spelling. Spelling is important, because if You not write one alphabets maybe You can lose the meaning.  
  
You can change :  
In 1800, the number of the global world population stood at 1000 *millions*people, and grown gradually arround 3000 *millions* of the people in 1960,  
  
Above, I changes some world to be effectively and clearly sentences, such as :  
the number of the world population ~~were 1000 *million* people~~ became, the number of the global world population stood at 1000  
gradually grown approximately 3000 *million* of the people in 1960 became grown gradually arround 3000 *millions* of the people in 1960,
**Writing Task 1- The Figures of World Population Growth and Figures for Urban Populations**  
  
The graphs exhibit the information on world population growth from 1800 to 2100 and the number of urban populations in different world regions. Overall, it can be seen from the graph that the world population growth increased slightly from 1800 to 1940 and increased significantly from 1940 to 2040. Whereas, the world population growth decreased sharply between 2060 and 2100.  
  
It is apparent from the figures that developing regions jumped significantly every five years. While, developed regions remained stable from 2015 to 2040. Furthermore, the number of people in developing regions increased sharply to 4000 millions in 2040. In contras to this, the number of populations in developed regions stayed the same about 1000 millions from 2015 to 2040.  
  
In addition, the number of populations growth around 2500 millions in 1940. Then, the number of populations jumped dramatically around 8000 millions from 1960 to 2040. Hence, the world population growth reached a peak in 2040. And, the population growth declined steeply to 6000 millions in 2100.
hi Liha, Good Evening!! here i want to give you some suggestions...  
  
The graphs exhibit the information on world population growth from 1800 to 2100 and the number of urban populations in different world regions.  
you need to paraphrase the introduction,then you didn't mention the second graph clearly, because you only put the year not the regions, so make it clear please...  
  
thank you, have a nice weeekend!!
Hello Liha  
I have some advice for you:  
  
It can see from your writing that you mention a prediction (when you write 2040, 2060 and 2100). So you need to use future tense.  
For example, "Whereas, the world population is predicted will decrease sharply ..."  
  
And there are also some mistakes in your body paragraph.  
  
I hope it can assist you Ms!