dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The establishing topic and discussion paragraphs must be presented over a 3 sentence paraphrase and discussion topic statement. The current first paragraph has a strong topic introduction but a very bad discussion focus. The lack of discussion reasoning topics weakened the opinion presentation. Next time, provide a clearer outline in relation to the topic opinion. Do not just repeat the discussion instructions as points are not awarded for that redundancy.  
  
There is no "on the other hand" to discuss. The wrong phrase was chosen for use. The phrase refers to a comparative discussion of an opposing presentation. Since these are related and both positive, a continuing cohesiveness reference should have been used.  
  
wanna  
You are not writing to someone from the ghetto. You are writing to an academic professional. Never use informal word references in any of there essays. There is no place in this writing for English slang.  
  
countries'  
The reference should be for a proprietorial country. Therefore the singular reference with 's should be used. The plural form of the word should not be used. This is incorrect grammar.  
  
The sudden addition of the ethnic reference at the end without proper development will cause an automatic failing score due to an open-ended rather than concluded essay.
## Playing a game is fun only when you win

  
  
A recent survey shows that while many people choose gaming as a healthy way of entertainment in their life, many other people believe that only when you win the game will you feel happy. I completely agree with those who have the first opinion. There are some advantages of playing games such as reducing stress, broadening knowledge and learning many skills.  
  
First of all, gaming is one of the effective ways to get rid of stress after tiring working hours. This is because people will focus on another space to make them temporarily forget the current fatigue. In addition, the increase in brain activity while playing the game also improves the player's mood. Entertainment games play the role of helping players feel more relaxed so that is the reason why playing games is very helpful for people.  
  
Secondly, people have the opportunity to acquire knowledge while playing the game. To explain, there are many learning games that bring a lot of knowledge to the participants. From my personal experience, my friend has become fluent in English reading and listening skills because the game he played was entirely in English. To be able to play this game, he had to work hard and get used to it. Therefore, playing games is a good choice for entertainment.  
  
Last but not least, improving many skills is one of the benefits of playing games. One reason for this is there are many games that require players to have a quick mind and ability to memorize. Players will be trained and challenged through many rounds so this will help their skills get better. In short, people can develop other skills when playing games.
2 things one has to remember about the first paragraph presentation. One has to do with English comprehension and restatement skills. The other, has to do with familiarity with IELTS discussion questions.  
  
1. This is the section that is scored in terms of task accuracy. It is based on the writer's ability to understand the question, stick to the discussion, and offer a relevant response or opinion based on the discussion instruction. Therefore, the writer should not make up any information just to make the paragraph longer. Some tasks have 2 sentence presentations. Other restatements can have up to 5 sentence representations. It all depends upon the original topic content and presentation. In this case, this should have been a 2 sentence restatement, without the "survey" representation since that is not a part of the original topic presentation. That created a topic misdirection which will result in a failing restatement score.  
  
2. There are 2 different types of agree or disagree presentations in an IELTS test. The first is the simple, agree or disagree response. The other is the extent of agreement or disagreement based on an emotional response. The response for this essay should be the simple one ( I agree with this statement because...) instead of the complex one (I completely...) based on the question provided. The response does not meet the expected response format and will result in a lower than expected response score because of the improper response format.  
  
These are the 2 reasons that the essay will start with a handicap score that will need to be overcome in the later paragraphs if the exam taker is to pass the test.  
  
From my personal experience,  
Owing to the fact that the experience is not something that happened to you but to a friend, the reference "experience" is incorrect and will confuse the reader. When referencing the experience of someone else, it is better to indicate "Based on my personal knowledge" to clearly indicate that the narration will be about someone else and not you;  
  
This is a 2 reasoning paragraph presentation. It does not require 2 reasons. What it does require is a concluding summary, which was not provided by the writer hence leaving an open ended essay. The lack of a concluding summary often pushes the examiners to give the essay an overall failing score because the writer showed an inability to present a properly formatted discussion.
***In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year finishing high school and starting university studies.***  
## Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this?

  
  
Nowadays, high school students in many nations are encouraged to take a gap year to travel or work before pursuing a higher educational degree. This trend could be a double-edged sword, and this essay will analyze the pros and cons of this issue.  
  
To begin with, a gap year is not a common and popular norm in many society because it's pretty risky. People typically take a year off to do things differently from usual for particular purposes, such as studying new knowledge or applying for scholarships. However, without a careful and thorough plan, it could be time-wasting. Besides, people may find it challenging returning to school after one year of doing what they love without restrictions and principles. This result can negatively affect their educational progress.  
  
Apart from many disadvantages, a gap year also has positive impacts. Firstly, this is a valuable chance for youngsters to enhance their social knowledge and skills, which rarely be taught at school. Secondly, students can utilize this time to explore the passion they decide to pursue in university. Research conducted at Tsinghua university in China pointed out that 73% of university students lost interest in their chosen major after a short time and later started a career different from what they spent four years studying. A year for emerging into a real environment helps young people evaluate their own choice for certainty, therefore decreasing the liability of wasting time studying a major that leads them to regret later.  
  
In conclusion, having a year out of formal education before entering university may be a risky decision; however, there are undeniable advantages for youngsters' life and educational choices.
Please remember that the main score of this essay will be based on 2 important preliminary aspects that can be found in the prompt restatement and writer's opinion paragraph. These factors are:  
  
1. An accurate paraphrasing of the original topic and its discussion basis. This helps the examiner assess the writer's English comprehension skills.  
2. A correct personal opinion statement composed of 2 sentences (advantage and disadvantage) that directs the examiner towards a clear understanding of the writer's opinion as based on his personal knowledge and experience requirement.  
  
So what is missing in this presentation? Though not clearly stated in the instructions, it is important that the writer use a wide grammar range that showcases his personal opinion via first person pronoun use. What it does not need, is the reference to the university research which is not a requirement for scoring well in a task 2 essay. Yes, the information can be made up, but it must reference personal knowledge in the first person form. It must never be presented as a researched or general statement. That is what the TA and GRA scoring basis is all about. Proper grammar usage and knowledge of English writing rules.  
  
The essay should indicate that what is being provided is the writer's insight by starting the thesis statement with "I believe that the advantage is... while the disadvantage is..." Then every paragraph thereafter must indicate the writer's insight with anchors like "I have personally heard that this decision is not popular because..." Then indicate the opposite with "From my personal experience, my gap year taught me that..." The latter reference prevents the need to mention researched information or data.  
  
The conclusion is too short. It does not follow the required 40 word / 2 sentence concluding presentation. The recap is not properly offered to the examiner.
## Writing Task 2 - Polution and Solution essay

  
  
Deforestation caused by human activity is happening iss many parts of the world, with serious results of the environment. What do you think can be done to solve this problem?.  
  
Support your opinion with reasons and examples from your knowledge and experience.  
Write at least 250 words  
  
These days, more and more deforestation is happening with serve results caused by human activity. However, finding a solution can not be simple as it involves a lot of different countries and many political and economic factors. This essay will examine some of these problems in detail, and then propose some solution.  
  
One of the main causes of the problem is the increasing of the needs of using wood products. In other words, logging companies fell trees for these purposes such as making furniture, paper, house and so on. To solve this problem, we could reuse, recycle or reduce our use of them which would allow more people to limit waste. Paper products, in particular, often make opportunities for reusing, reducing, recycling our use of them.  
  
Another issue is the basic constructions. That is to say, we cut down of trees in forest to build roads or infrastructure. To tackle this problem, government should to less build unnecessary constructions so as to dwindle de forest.  
  
A third cause of the problem is the deforestation of illegal loggers to take forest products. As a consequence, forest cover can be diminished which could have negative impacts on habitat of animal as well as some problems relating to environment. The way forward could be to enhance forest manage or punish heavier illegal loggers. This would reduce deforestation.  
  
To sum up, I think although it is clean that forest have to be faced a range of problems, it is undoubtedly possible to start to tackle the issues, and protect environment. All have a role to play in tackling the problem, otherwise the environment will only get worse in the future.  
  
@Vink
The most severe problem with this essay is the lack of proper sentence development in relation to the discussion. The writer is incapable of writing coherent English sentences and paragraphs due to his lack of proper vocabulary usage, the result of his lack of English word knowledge. The essay will immediately fail in the GRA section because of the lack of proper sentence structure and confusing idea presentations.  
  
When these 2 problems arise, the essay will also automatically fail in the C+C section since the clarity of the discussion and its interconnection within sentences and paragraphs are faulty as well. There is no chance that this type of writing will get a passing score.  
  
The writer must first build his English vocabulary and then, and only then, practice writing simple and complex English sentences. His word usage must be relevant to the discussion and the meaning should be applicable to the idea he is trying to present. Fail to accomplish these and he will be sure to fail the test.
## owning a home rather than renting one

  
  
Having a house is more popular rather than renting one is becoming more popular in some parts of the world. In my opinion, this dilemma can have both advantages and disadvantages in equal measure.  
  
On the one hand, owning a home can be beneficial for individuals. Firstly, they can design their home creatively on their own. To be more specific, young people are more likely to minimalism design, so affording a house by their money can help them to have an opportunity to renovate their house as home as they want. Secondly, when people own a house, they do not have to worry or pay about the renting expense per month. Therefore, they can have more money to save or to spend for other purposes.  
  
On the other hand, there are two main drawbacks of owning a house. To begin with, having a house means that a person especially young generation has to work more time and doing more jobs to earn enough money to afford a house. At a result, all the people who try to do that as fast as possible will always be in the exhausted condition. In addition, in some countries, the cost of buying a house is too expensive to handle for a person. This is because the price of a house is not only about construction, people also need to pay other stuffs such furniture, land.  
  
In conclusion, I think the fact that owning a home rather than renting one can have both upsides and downsides for people.
The discussion essay is presented in a format that does not conform with the response expectations in regards to the opinion question. A direct inquiry was made as to whether this is a positive or negative development. Rather than responding to the question in a relevant manner, the writer opted to change the reasoning presentation to an advantage and disadvantage comparative essay instead.  
  
The alteration in discussion focus shows a lack of English comprehension skills. He clearly did not understand the question, resulting in an incorrect response format. That means that the writer did not meet the task accuracy requirements. Failure to properly restate the discussion question via a relevant and related writer's opinion means the essay has failed the test, regardless of the remaining scores awarded to the essay.
## Writing Task 2 - Advantages and disadvantages essay

  
  
Deforestation caused by human activity is happening in many parts of the world, with serious results of the environment. Governments should ban it to make contribution to protect environment. What the advantages and disadvantages of this solution?  
  
Write an esay at least 250 words  
  
These days, there are more human deforestation activities caused serious results of the environment in many parts of the world. Some believe that governments should ban deforestation to solve this problem as well as make contribution to protect environment. There are both negatives and positives to decide in this solution. I will explore pros and cons of this problem and draw some conclusions.  
  
Let's start by looking at the advantaged of this method. One of the major positives of this suggestion is your not only dwindle deforestation but also can help to increase forest area including natural forest and artificial forest. That may reduce catastrophe such as storm, erosion and so on, and provide habitat for vegetation and terrestrial animals. Another advantage of this remedy is you can diminish emission which trees absorb in their photosynthesis. This can help to reduce green house gases. For example, trees absorb carbon dioxide and produce oxygen in their photosynthesis which may contribute to deplete carbon dioxide in the atmosphere, as the result of limiting climate change and global warming.  
  
Turning to the other side argument, this solution has also negatives. One of the biggest disadvantages of this remedy is it is possible to cause a shortage of resources for agriculture and industry. Another major drawback is do not have enough resources may be a reason for emergence of illegal resources.  
  
To sum up, there are both positives and negatives of this way. In spite of the fact that this solution can protect environment, it can also affect on economics. Personally, I think governments should take into account before making a decision.  
  
@Vink
The prompt restatement should never contain any repetition coming from the original prompt. Not a single sentence, phrase, or word should be seen in the writer's version because that will automatically result in a failing TA score for the restatement section. It shows the writer needs to use memorized words or cut and paste phrases to express himself. In other words, he has a limited vocabulary that hinders his ability to explain what the original prompt is about. This is a serious problem that can be found in the second sentence of the first paragraph.  
  
The writer's opinion is not clear since he does not present establishing A v. D discussion topics. Additionally, a statement was made that the writer will present a conclusion to the discussion. That is a prompt deviation since only a comparative discussion is required for the discussion essay.  
  
Based on the starting errors for the essay, the TA score will be based on preliminary non-passing score considerations. Making it more difficult for the writer to receive a passing mark. The main problem will be the presentation of a conclusion which altered the discussion requirements, proving the writer's inability to understand basic English writing instructions.  
  
Another problem the writer shows in the presentation is an inability to make himself understood in English. His sentences are mostly written in broken English that make it difficult or confusing to understand. Though his thoughts may sometime be understood, the lack of discussion development to prove his point creates less than accurate discussion presentations.  
  
The writer does not show an ability to pass the test at this point due to the problems previously mentioned. He needs to do better in his ESL classes overall if he is even come close to a base passing score by the time he takes the test.
## pressurizing children at schools

  
  
In today's scenario, an unbearable constellation of subjects is being encumbered on the shoulders of a young child because their parents think that a multifaceted preparation would earn their child a good place in the office, especially in nowadays competitive environment. However, in most cases, the pressure has become nightmares for the children.  
  
To commence with, the pressure issued is nowhere as near as a development since something is considered a development when it is better than its antecedents in a positive and productive way. However, in this case, the pressure only executes as a motivation mechanism which only shows efficiency with an inconsiderable number of students while others face stress, anxiety and depression. A testimony to this is the increasing phenomenon of suicidal in Vietnam recently which claimed the responsibility to the horrendous pressure at school.  
  
Moreover, though it is said that "pressure makes diamonds", I believe that diamonds are not the only thing that are valuable in this life and not all people want to become a diamond. It would be a malicious decision to withdraw the right to be happy from anybody so that they could accomplish the success that they don't even want. Furthermore, The good intentions in the first place could cause a reverse reaction and play havoc to the whole education system if the child decides to rebel and counteract the oppression.  
  
All in all, overly pressurizing children implicits both tangible and intangible outcomes that could cause the child many severe mental illnesses and exhaustion. Therefore, it would be a retrograde decision to utilize it as a tool to push the children to improvement.
Kindly remember that the direct question to be responded to it "Do you think this is a positive or negative development?" Deliver a clear opinion response that uses one of the two keywords from the question. Using the correct keyword will result in meeting the writer's clear opinion statement requirement in the TA section.  
  
While flowerly language is good in creative writing, it does not help a student trying to gain a high LR IELTS score. That is because these creative word usage and references result in confusing statements. The writer is expected to deliver this discussion using everyday English words in the correct context. For example a "constellation" will not be used in daily conversation for any topic unless one is taking an astronomy class or speaking with an astronomer. The word is used without proper consideration of its actual application to the idea being presented. While the writer uses several advanced English words in the presentation, these only served to lower the LR score as these do not properly apply to the expected conversation.  
  
Based on my observation of the writer's skills, he understands the topic, is capable of discussing the same, but is trying too hard to impress using incorrect vocabulary and references. It creates an exaggerated discussion that overemphasizes to the point of confusing the reader. Which will result in GRA deductions as well.
***Even though organic fruits and vegetables are more expensive than conventional fruits and vegetables they are worth the extra cost.***  
## Do you agree or disagree?

  
  
Natural and traditional foods are one of the most controversial types of food people nowadays argue about. Although the cost of organic food is more expensive than the conventional one, its benefits are worth every penny. In my opinion, I strongly agree with this notion.  
  
Organic food has become increasingly popular in today's society. This means, if people consume organic food instead of traditional food, it will probably reflect positively on their health. For instance, a group of dietitians at Stanford University looked into the effect of natural foods on people's health. They found that people who consume this kind of food will probably be less vulnerable to many diseases, such as cancer and obesity, than people who eat conventional food. As a result, wisely, I believe that individuals should avoid eating unhealthy food and look for their health needs.  
  
Furthermore, many individuals nowadays are shifting toward natural resources for food. This indicates that these people think about their health in a beneficial way leading them to a much more healthy life. For example, a recent report from the World Health Organization showed that conventional food could cause numerous diseases such as cancer and diabetes. Thus, the more people shift toward healthy food, the more they get rid of chemicals caused by man-made food.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that everyone should consider the importance of our health. Eating healthy food and avoiding traditional food as much as possible is the key to living a healthy life. Instilling this concept in people will lead to a future of a much healthier generation.
Three errors in the prompt restatement section. All having to do with discussions that are not represented in the first presentation.  
  
1. This is not referenced as a controversial type of food.  
2. There is no representing argument statement  
3. There is no emotional response requirement. A simple opinion statement would have sufficed.  
  
These mistakes in task representation could very well result in a preliminary failing score since the restatement and opinion requirements were not properly met.  
  
The writer did an excellentjob of defending his (incorrectly overstated) opinion. The discussion is both cohesive and coherent, which could offset the early failing score a bit.  
  
As far as the concluding paraphrase is concerned, the writer did not provide one. Instead, a continuing discussion was provided, leaving the essay open ended. Simply saying " In conclusion" but not providing the correct type of conclusion means no closing summary was provided as required.