dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
*Film stars and music celebrities may earn a great deal of money and live in luxurious surroundings, but many of them lead unhappy lives. Do you agree?  
  
To what extent is this the price they pay for being famous?*  
  
## the real life of a vip

  
  
Many people these days wish to be famous, and many of them are willing to do anything to fulfill this wish. However, most of them are not aware of the fact that popularity comes at a price: although famous people may make a fortune, they pay a high price for being popular. Therefore, I agree with the statement regarding famous people being unsatisfied with their lives for two reasons: loneliness and privacy.  
  
First of all, it is extremely difficult for celebrities to befriend somebody, resulting in them being alone. This is not at all surprising, considering that most people who want to be their friends are most likely those that want to take advantage of them to become well-known themselves. The majority of celebrities know this and thus, they usually avoid making friends, which is depressing. A plethora of Korea K-pop stars, for example, have admitted suffering from depression several times on TV, but most of them try to hide it from their fans; otherwise, their fans may become too worried about their idols' lives.  
  
Apart from being lonely, their privacy is non-existent; no matter where they go, paparazzi will always stalk and harass them verbally. This is not a type of life in which anyone would want to live, including celebrities - a life without privacy. To illustrate, John, one of my friends who is known for his songs, constantly complains about his fans and paparazzi taking photos of him and his girlfriend indulging their meals together. Consequently, living as a famous person has its own drawbacks as well.  
  
It can be seen that living as a well-known person is certainly an arduous journey. These people pay a high price for being popular. These problems will haunt them for the rest of their lives. Hence, most celebrities definitely do not have a type of life that most individuals picture them to.  
  
In conclusion, despite the fact that they are earning a huge amount of money, their lives are not as perfect as most people think they are. Not only are their lives friendless, but they are also non-private, causing their lives to be undesirable to the vast majority of people. I therefore, agree that a number of celebrities is living a miserable life.
Peter, your opening paraphrase is not aligned with the original prompt even though the rest of your discussion is on point. This will result in a tangential discussion and lower your TA score, which means that you will pass this test, but not at an above average score. You will merely pass, that is all. Your prompt would have been more on the mark had you rephrased it as follows:  
  
*Popular personalities tend to amass a high degree of disposable income. Such wealth allows them to enjoy the high life. However, it is believed that their material wealth often causes them to live gloomy lives. I tend to agree with this statement. I will be pleased to discuss with you why these types of people tend to pay a high price for public adulation in the following paragraphs.*  
  
You may want to rethink using your friends as examples in this type of essay because your friends are not known to the examiner so their connection to the prompt will be lost on the examiner. It would be better to use more public figures such as Hollywood actors or commonly known pop singers and celebrities. Using K-Pop celebrities isn't as effective as the mainstream celebrities because K-Pop is a niche industry whose participants are not as internationally known as you might think.  
  
Since this is an opinion essay, you should be using a sense of ownership of the statements being made throughout the paper, not just in one paragraph. Use the first person pronouns as often as you can in each paragraph to remind the examiner that you are not discussing popular opinion or information but rather, your personal insight on the given topic.  
  
Your concluding paragraph is not an accurate summary of the preceding discussion so this will drag down your TA score. You should not continue discussing the topic in the concluding paragraph. Remember that. It appears that you did that in this instance even though you appropriately repeat your opinion at the end of the paragraph.
## Energy production and consumption

  
  
**Task 1: The graph below compares figures for the production and consumption of energy in the US from 1950 to 2000. It also predicts figures for 2025. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
The chart gives the changes in the amount of US energy production and consumption from 1950 to 2000, and a prediction till 2025. Overall, the amount of energy consumped outweighs the produced amount with the continuously increasing trend during the given period.  
  
The first period from 1950 to 1975 saw a proportional growth of both production and consumption with 30 units, and although the consumption was consistently higher, the difference was marginal during 20 years.  
  
While energy production was on the gradual increase in the next 20 years, the consumption of energy was more fluctuating and steeper with a double increase of 20 units, from 65 in 1975 to 90 in 2000, compared to 10 units increase of energy production. This forced the import to rise to keep up with the trend.  
  
During the last years from 2000 to 2025, the imports of energy are projected to be on a dramatic rise when making a comparison between the consistently increasing figures of energy consumption, ranging from 90 units to 140 units and the modest amount of energy production increasing in this period.
Ann, what amazes me is that you were able to write 182 words in this essay and yet, you were not able to follow the proper paragraphing format for a task 1 essay. Sure you produced 4 paragraphs for the essay, but that doesn't assure you of a potentially high score because you disregarded the sentence and paragraph requirements for the IELTS Task 1 test. Remember, each paragraph, in order to gain maximum scoring consideration, must be composed of 3-5 sentences per paragraph. You have written only 2 sentences per paragraph, which tells the reviewer that your essay is nothing more than a series of run-on sentences. Additionally, you do not create a series of simple and complex sentences in the process. It is only by writing more sentences, not more words, that you accomplish the all too important C&C and GRA considerations for a higher score in the end. Due to the lack of the graph, I cannot assist you with advice regarding the content of the essay. What I can tell you, is that your opening sentence is missing the discussion instruction as well as the measurement type indicated in the graph. If you review your current essay, you will see that is most likely contains all the required information but lacks in comparison statements. You should divide your run-on sentences into short or mid-length sentences in order to create the complex sentence requirements of the scoring system.
## Agree or Disagree task

  
  
**WRITING TASK 2**  
*People should follow the customs and traditions when people start to live in a new country.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?*  
  
**Answer**  
Regarding to a common argument stating that foreigners should adapt the host country's customs and tradition when settling in, in my perspective, I completely agree with this view.  
  
On the one hand, new immigrants will certainly face extreme difficulties while behaving irrespectively toward host cultural values. Cultural values refer to core principles and beliefs upon which the entire community exists. Particularly, culture values are surely shown up through social norms, those have been formed for such a long time in a certain society. Hence, regardless of newcomers, those not conforming these social norms are likely to face with hostile attitudes by local residents. For instance, South East Asia residents will surely consider newcomers spoiled if their appearance is cover by full of tattoos.  
  
On the other hand, adapting social norms can be beneficial for newcomers in many perspectives. Firstly, regarding to those behave according to social norms, they are surely gain a richness of experiences from enjoying aspects of local customs and traditions. Culture conflicts generally results in social isolation, hence, establishing close relationships with the host community is considered as the top priority for majority of foreigners when living in a new society. Additionally, with the welcoming attitudes by local residents, in term of doing business, newcomers will definitely gain certain achievements. To illustrate, an entrepreneur will have a chance to maximize the profit if his products conform to the cultural values of local residents.  
  
By way of conclusion, with the purpose of being part of community as well as avoiding social isolation, it is truly essential for foreigners to behave respectively to the social norms of where they are living.
Hello vietduccan :)  
  
Here are my comments:  
  
1. Maybe you should prolong your introduction. You got the point about answering the question, but you need to explain a little bit more about the condition.  
  
2. Do not use the same phrase 'on the other hand'. You can use hence, additionally, besides, furthermore, etc.  
  
3. Please check your essay grammatically, such as "Culture conflicts generally result**s** ... "  
  
Good luck on your IELTS test!
Can, the main problem with your essay is not that you did not accurately represent the opening statement (I will get to that later). The biggest problem of your essay is that it clearly shows a lack of English comprehension skills because you did not discuss the essay according to the prompt instructions even though you properly responded to it in the thesis statement of your first paragraph presentation.  
  
This is an "emotional" essay that discusses the "extent", another term for it would be "degree", of your agreement or disagreement with a given topic. You used the word "strongly" to discuss your opinion on the topic provided. That is good. It is an appropriate response as it indicates a degree of support for one side of the discussion. One side of the discussion. That is where your essay fell apart.  
  
In a proper discussion of this essay, you would have used the 3 body paragraphs to present, explain, and offer an acceptable example in support of your reason within the 3 paragraphs. You would have represented each topic in one paragraph each. You would not have discussed two sides within the body because the instruction given was not "Discuss both points of view". You were clearly asked to pick one point of view to present and discuss based on the word "OR". The word "or" means there is an alternative response to be chosen. Therefore, pick only one and strongly discuss the side that you support. Not both.  
  
Going back to the problem of your opening statement. Each time that you opt to use a run-on sentence, as you did in this essay, to represent a discussion, you will lose points. Specifically, your GRA and C&C sections will suffer severely from this mistake. A proper paragraph is always at least 3 sentences short, 5 sentences long. It is not one long sentence like the one you wrote. So how should you have written that paragraph? Let me see...  
  
*Every country has its own set of customs and traditions. Therefore, people who move to a new country in order to reside there must assimilate the new social culture they are living in. I strongly agree with this statement for a number of reasons.*  
  
While you did appropriately respond and represent the original prompt. Doing so in only one sentence meant that you did not pursue the possibility of gaining a higher TA, C&C, GRA, and LR score. Look at the obvious differences between your presentation and mine. Whose version offers the examiner an opportunity to get to know my English understanding abilities? Which paragraph represents a stronger grasp of English vocabulary use? Whose explanation of the discussion topic is clearer and stronger in presentation? Exactly. Always aim for a presentation that will fully utilize the available scoring criteria rather than going for the quick fix. The quick fix means you get the job done, but you don't get the maximum possible score out of it.
## australians on the go

  
  
The column chart gives information about the places visited by different people in Australia.  
  
For the people born in Australia, they like visiting cinema most. There are about 70% visitors from population born in Australia. The following group having interest in cinema is 63% new migrants born in English-speaking countries, and 50% new migrants born in other countries. The people come from non-English-speaking countries like visiting library most. However, new migrants from English-speaking countries have more interest in cinema.  
  
As we can see, Cinema is most popular place, and then is library. Zoo also is a popular choice for people from English-speaking countries. Theatre is not so popular like other places. There are just 10% new migrants born in non-English-speaking countries often visit it.  
  
Over, different background make people have different choices for visiting places. Cinema is most popular in all over the groups.  
  
*
Jon, this essay will receive an immediate failing score because it does not meet the minimum word requirement. You wrote only 144 words when the required number is at least 150. You could score well enough by presenting 200 words in 4 paragraphs though. That said, you already know that this essay is not going to pass the test. However, I can still assist you in better developing your paragraphs so that you can meet the minimum word requirement.  
  
While the summary overview of the essay can actually be placed anywhere within the essay, you are not required to use it as an opening paragraph. However, I have found that by placing the summary at the top, as the opening paragraph, you create a better chance of responding to the TA portion of the test. In the opening summary, mention the following:  
  
1. The topic presented for discussion  
2. Type of illustration and measurement involved  
3. Location  
4. Discussion instruction  
5. Trending statement  
  
For this analysis, the presentation could have been:  
  
*A bar chart has been provided that collates the places that various residents in Australia frequent. The chart is is divided into people born in Australia, new immigrants born in English speaking countries, and new immigrants born in other countries. The percentage is measured for the following locations: zoo, library, theater, and cinema. Aside from presenting the main features of the chart, I will also be making comparison whenever possible. At the moment, the current trend is that all 3 Australian groups prefer to visit the cinema.*  
  
Do you see how a comprehensive presentation of the summary overview brings you closer to the word requirement? Presenting 5 sentences per paragraph will definitely help you achieve that target. Just makes sure that each paragraph represents a specific analysis topic. In this instance, you have 4 areas for comparison purposes so you might even have ended up discussion 5 paragraphs, which would have delivered a tremendously high overall score if you had done so. Trying to develop a completely discussed 4 paragraph essay will also assure you of maximum scoring consideration based on the overall requirements. 4 paragraphs are ideal, 5 paragraphs are almost perfect, depending upon how you present the information.
## enjoy every second of a happy moment

  
  
Happiness has become a frequent subject of debate with strong arguments for and against. Some consider that bliss is something existing around us at this moment. From my point of view, I totally agree with this statement due to the following reasons.  
  
First of all, in this contemporary life, humans obtain a great chance to live independently without being concerned about aggressive wars. Previously, our ancestors had to struggle with a huge number of invaders who always desired to foster decisive battles. In contrast to the past, people nowadays are able to indulge themselves in the freedom and tranquility of life. As the consequence, we enjoy every single day without being at the mercy of some problematic conflicts. Therefore every moment currently is such tremendous bliss.  
  
Secondly, most of us are likely to be exposed to an ever increasing technology that can facilitate all what we demand for. For instance, when we get depressed or exhausted, we tend to turn on our phone and be willing to immerse in an abundance of entertaining films, songs or shows. Accordingly, our exhaustion and resentment may be gotten rid of and be replaced by happiness. That leads to bless us considerably  
  
Finally, people presently are offered an ideal opportunity to pursue the professional and systematic education and training programs. It is evident that people are capable of feeling blissfully happy when they have attained a great deal of success on their own. As the result, if we are well-informed about what is going on in our life, we will immediately perceive the happiness of life because we become more confident and mature to tackle everything emerging around us.  
  
To sum up, without a doubt, every single second that we are enjoying is excessively joyful, precious thing. Therefore we have to treasure it no matter what happens
Nguyễn, the only problem with your essay is the manner that you presented your opening statement and concluding paragraph. The way you reasoned out in the essay is good. You were clear, understandable, and did not cause any stress on the reader because you have enough of a grasp of the English vocabulary to create coherent and cohesive sentences / explanations. You are not scored on the strength of your answers so you don't need to worry about that. You are however, scored heavily on your English language abilities. That is what you should focus on and that is what you did well in this essay.  
  
That said, your opening statement lacks some informative points. While it does meet the sentence minimum of 3 sentences, you need to be clear about what the facts are based on the original prompt. From your presentation, it appears that there are two points of view being mentioned in the original prompt. While this is an emotional, extent essay, you must include a description of both points of view before you indicate the strength of the opinion that you support in the essay. That will show that you were analytical in your approach and will also increase the Task Accuracy score since you covered all of the important information for presentation in the essay.  
  
The fact that you knew to stick to one topic as the overall body of paragraphs discussion is a feather in your cap. You actually understood the requirements of the discussion and delivered accordingly. Good job. I will not fault any of your reasons because these are to be based on your own opinion and therefore, is not included in the scoring consideration. What you were scored on instead, was your ability to make yourself understood to the reader. Something that you did with aplomb.  
  
Now, never go for the simple paragraph presentation in the conclusion. The conclusion is a strong part of the TA scoring consideration and is your last chance to impress the reviewer. Therefore, do not go for the run-on single sentences as others mostly advice. My students have always scored highly in their own tests because they always use the maximum 5 sentence allowance per paragraph in their opening and closing statements. That is their final chance to show off the fact that they can use a variety of English sentence structures and also provide the final instance of grammar ability in their essay. So don't squander it by writing just one long summary sentence. Use it to its full potential. Properly summarize the discussion by doing the following:  
  
1. Restating the prompt  
2. Summarizing the important reasoning points from the body of paragraphs  
3. Close the statement  
  
From this list of 3, you will find that, appropriately written, you will easily cover the 5 sentence maximum requirement.
## punishment is needed but...

  
  
Telling right and wrong is one of important things that children must have to know on the early age. On the way in teaching difference, one useful mean is punishing them.  
  
I believe that punishment works on forbidding little boys and girls from doing wrong. After decision they made, people could realize that is a false if punishment follow with it. From that on, painful experience become a reminder to themselves, and stop them to do it again.  
  
Violence is one kind of familiar and widespread choice in penalization. Even it comes with a significant effect, a reflection will company with that children will copy violent behaviour. For example, person who born in family which has domestic violence problem has high possibilities becoming aggressive in school, like hurting other classmates.  
  
Consequence from actions they made is a good lesson to kids. How to penalize would influence person's personality in future. Therefore, teens need to understand the consequence if someone behave same thing to them on their own. Like criticizing on somebody only by his or her outlook, parent or teacher can force children to be on a side which reluctantly receiving criticization they said before. First, they might feel uncomfortable about the words, then be sad that no one wants to know they really are and turn to be unconfident. After all, adult should tell them the reason why they been punished and why they did is unacceptable.  
  
In other words, punishment is needed for teach distinction, although, we need to choose better methods to execute penalization.
Gina, the lack of original prompt reference in this essay has made it extremely difficult for me to review your essay. Your title does not tell me anything substantial that I can use to review your content. The content, which, at this point, is highly confusing and lacking on all coherence and cohesiveness fronts. This essay is extremely weak in presentation. You show a lack of basic English sentence structure knowledge and you also lack a grasp of simple English vocabulary, which makes the essay even more troublesome to read.  
  
The opening paragraph is not very good because it does not properly explain to the reader what the original discussion topic is, the reason the topic is being discussed, and what the discussion instruction is. The opening statement that you wrote only covers 2 of the required elements for presentation, which makes it incomplete. I am not sure how violence works into this essay but I believe that you were mistaken in using that term. The other form of punishment is "corporal punishment" which includes spanking. That is not exactly considered violent. Your use of the term "violence" makes it seem like there are catastrophic punishments being meted to children. I wish I had the original prompt to compare this discussion toy. I want to know if you are exaggerating your terms or if you are simply not using the correct descriptive terms.  
  
Your closing statement does not follow the proper format for a closing paragraph. It also does not appropriately summarize the discussion you presented. So the concluding statement is not going to help increase your score at this point.  
  
Please remember to present the original prompt along with your essay next time so that you can get a more definitive review and advice for your next essay. For this essay, I can only go this far in terms of advising you due to the missing prompt requirements.