dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Population growth in two countries

  
  
topic:The graph below shows the population for India and China since the year 2000 and predicts population growth until 2050. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.  
  
The above line chart displays and predicts the changes of the population figures for India and China from 2000 to 2050. Units are measured in billions. Overall, the two countries will have an increase in population sizes, where India's growth is more rapidly than of China.  
  
Looking at the graph, in 2000, the populace of India started from 1000 billions and China from nearly 1300 billions people. Until now, 2020, the number of citizens of both countries have increased more than 100 billions, especially India with the growth of more than 300 billions in only 20 years.  
  
By 2030, the number of Indians will be equal to the Chinese. The number of Chinese will peak at 1450 billions in 2030, and start falling in the next decades. As China's statistic start to downturn, India's quick growth will help the country to surge ahead. It is estimated that India will have 1,600 billion people as compared to China with 1,400 billion in 2050.  
  
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The summary overview is incomplete. You need to include the source of the information as indicated in the image. The source of the information was the UN Population Division and the reference for the chart is the medium variant. Both needed to be included in the summary overview.  
  
The idea behind the task 1 essay is to see how well you can create a descriptive picture of the measurements, assuming the reader does not have a copy of the image. Therefore, you should not say "The image above". For all intents and purposes, the reader does not have a copy of the image. So you should assume that you need to give a perfectly imaginative description of the information for the reader to be able to create a mental picture of.  
  
The second paragraph is short by 1 sentence to meet the minimum 3 sentences per paragraph. You can avoid running short on the sentence presentation by avoiding using long or run-on sentences. Your second sentence in that presentation should have been better cut up into individual sentences.  
  
Your presentation is limited in terms of vocabulary use and punctuation marks. You need to vary your presentation to highlight your English language knowledge and also, your sentence presentation skills. Use a variety of punctuation marks. Don't just stick to using periods and commas.
Dear All, I hope everyone is fine here.  
I am working on my IELTS test preparation at 16th August now.  
  
So, I would like to ask for help from all of you to assess my IELTS Task 1.  
  
## Coffee and Tea Buying and Drinking Habits in Five Cities in Australia

  
  
A survey about people's consumption behavior of purchasing coffee and tea in several cities in Australia was conducted and the result is depicted through a bar chart. Overall, in the last 4 weeks, most of the people in every region preferred to eat out in a café for a coffee or tea rather than bought either fresh or instant coffee.  
  
It can be clearly seen that a slightly distinct trend is shown from Adelaide that most of the residents there (50%) purchased instant coffee, while around 1% lower percentage shown that people there bought instant coffee. In addition, consumers who choose to buy fresh coffee there only account for around 34%.  
  
Meanwhile, a similar trend is portrayed in the other four cities. Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, and Hobart demonstrate equal pattern: the inhabitants who live there have a preference to drink either coffee or tea in the shop directly, then it was followed by instant coffee, and lastly fresh coffee. Melbourne and Hobart positioned as the largest percentage of people who like to go to a café, about 63% of them. Then it was followed by Sydney and Brisbane, around 61% and 56% respectively. The most remarkable percentage of people who bought instant coffee is shown in Brisbane (around 53%), while the tiniest could be found in Sydney (46%). Both Brisbane and Adelaide highlight the lowest percentage at 34% of people who purchased fresh coffee, while Sydney, on the top of it (44%).  
  
*Total Words: 244 Words*  
  
Thank you very much  
  
*
Hi! Here are some suggestions for you:  
  
- "in the last 4 weeks" --> I think that you should change it to "over the 4-week period surveyed", because the timeline of the report ad our real time is different.  
  
- "most of the people in every region" --> wrong, because of the exception in Adelaide. You can change it to: "people in most regions"  
  
- "from Adelaide that most of the residents there (50%) purchased instant coffee, while around 1% lower percentage shown that people there bought instant coffee" --> wrong, you have mistaken the 2 graph bars.  
  
--> Please be very careful when reporting the data, or else you will have a low score.
You would have failed this test because you wrote too many words. The Task 1 essay only uses 150-190 words. It is never presented using 244 words. That is already a Task 2 essay presentation. You have only 20 minutes for this part of the test so do not overwrite. Just give a simple report of the given information. Analyze it, but do not over analyze to the point where you are cutting into the 40 minute time requirement of the Task 2 test. The summary overview requires you to present the 5 city names and the measurement used for the data. The per paragraph sentence maximum is 5 sentences so you have to learn to say things in a more concise manner. Try to do that by grouping your presentation. Your second paragraph is too short. It needs to have at least 3-5 sentences for the comparison discussion. You appear to have missed out on some comparison points from the bar chart.
## Subjects such as Art, Sport and Music are being dropped from the school

  
  
Classification of shooling subjects has always cast doubt on numerous educators, whether it is appropriate and effective. Not only do I hold that schools should have helped children skillfully touching life in many aspects but also looking as it is without limited perception from educational standpoints.  
  
Firstly, youngsters have alarmingly suffered since society created unbalanced job opportunities. As can be seen easily from many educational systems, mental and physical dimensions are underestimated, such as sport, art, and music. And hence people are creating countless lawyers, doctors, and architects instead of monks or farmers. Paradoxically, prestigious jobs, politician as an example, has a much lower income than a footballer.  
  
On the other hand, children will not suffer from real-life experience; and vice versa, they may be miserable with any so-called subject such as Maths or Physics. Ironically, they might gather a vast amount of information in those subjects without knowing how to apply it to their real life. For example, a physicist probably does not know how to have a proper physical movement, or a techie may not understand how his biological computer as a mind functions at its best possibility instead of mastering virtual reality. Moreover, the most fulfilled individuals like sellers, healers, architects, artists, and leaders in the world mostly get real education from life experience. Therefore, the correlation between subjects and life dimensions plays a significant role in assisting children to experience a full-fledged life.  
  
In my perspective, if there were an educational revolution, educators should have transformed all the divisive subjects without discrimination and started to unify them with life both from inside to outside the children's minds.
Your overall essay does not properly respond to the prompt requirement which is:  
  
*Subjects such as Art, Sport and Music are being dropped from the school curriculum for subjects such as Information Technology. Many students suffer as a result of these changes. To what extent would you support or reject the idea of moving these subjects from school curriculum?*  
  
The point of the discussion is to have you defend whether it is right to remove certain classes in favor of more computer related subjects. You did not properly restate that in your introductory paragraph. Neither do you give an extent response as required by the discussion. It appears that you did not understand the prompt requirements and how to approach the discussion.  
  
This is not a comparison essay, it is a single opinion essay but you approached it as a comparative discussion presentation, which means you are totally off in terms of response formatting and presentation. The essay does not meet the discussion requirements to pass the test. You also failed to properly summarize the discussion in your concluding paragraph. Your perspective should have been built into the previous discussion points, it cannot be used as a conclusion because the conclusion requires a summary of the given discussion.
***Government should invest more money in science education rather than other subjects to develop the country.***  
## Do you agree or disagree?

  
  
These days, a large number of people are in favour of the idea that goverment should allocate more of its funding to science education rather than other disciplines for the country's development. From my point of view, I strongly disagree with this opinion because all subjects are equally essential in developing the country.  
  
To start with, it is argued that science education could make a greater contribution to society than other subjects as it has transformed several aspects of human's life with the invention of car, light bulb and the like. However, science is not the only subject that aids the society's advancement greatly.  
  
Throughout the history, other disciplines have also proved their enormous help in developing the country. Take literature for example, teaching people how to read and write is the key step to eliminating illiteracy. What's more. foreign language is also an integral subject that enables global communication among several countries.  
  
In conclusion, I would like to reaffirm that every subject has equal importance in advancing the society so goverment should spend money on them equally.
(goverNment check again your whole essay)  
  
aspects of human~~'s~~ life with the invention of carS, light bulbS and the like. ... that aids ~~the~~ society's ...  
  
Throughout  ~~the~~ history, ... TAKE LITERATURE AS AN EXAMPLE, ... ~~What's more~~ NO RHETORIC QUESTION IN this type of ESSAY. foreign language is ...  
  
In conclusion, ~~I would like~~ I WOULD HOLD/BELIEVE/REAFFIRM THAT  ~~I would like~~ that every subject ... in advancing ~~the~~ society, so THE ~~goverment~~ should ...  
  
Your paragraphs are too short. Try to work out on topic sentences carefully. you can search google on how to have better topic sentences.  
Your ideas are quite nice. Have a good day and enjoy doing what you love.
There is a minimum 250 word count on this essay. Due to the shortness of the essay, I am unable to review your work for accuracy and proper formatting. You do not really show your true English writing skills in this paper. It was a waste of your time because you did not even try to meet the word requirements. If you write this way in the actual test, you will more than likely receive a failing score due to the percentage deduction on the word count. Please do better next time and try to meet the 250 minimum word requirement, with 3-5 sentences per paragraph. Familiarize yourself with the writing demands of the various essay topics before you try to write another essay. You have more than enough examples at this forum for you to be able to do that. You do not need to Google it.
***Some people believe that all children should have a pet or an animal to look after. Other people disagree, however, saying that this depends on a child's circumstances.***  
  
## Consider these opposing views, and give your own opinion

  
  
Nowadays, it is a common opinion that domestic animals have many benefits for children. However, this is not a straightforward issue and there are many arguments against this idea. This essay will discuss both sides and give a conclusion.  
  
On the one hand, looking after a pet has some advantages for children. As an example, children may receive emotional support from pets, meaning that they will feel more secure and confident. In addition, children who do not have any siblings usually suffer from being alone at home and this feeling will become more significant when parents are overloaded with their work. For these children, adding a four-legged member to the family can be a good choice to entertain them and fill their leisure time. Another positive aspect is that children will learn how to become responsible while they should take care of their pets, be aware of feeding them, and raising them. Consequently, this will prepare them for bigger responsibilities in the future.  
  
Turning to the other side of the argument, taking care of pets will not be possible for all children because of various factors. Examples can be seen in families that are not able to afford the expense of maintaining a pet. You have to bear in mind that there are many financial requirements when it comes to owning a pet. Instead of expected costs, which include the cost of adoption, paperwork, and vaccination, you should prepare yourself for costs like food, grooming, medical expenses, and unpredicted illness and injuries. Likewise, some countries have laws that prohibit citizens from having tame animals. Further, it is not recommended for children with a special disease such as breathing difficulties or allergy to have a domestic animal.  
  
It is logical to conclude, although domesticated animals provide happiness and love in a home, the decision to keep pets depends on several factors such as child's interest, country laws, family circumstances, and children abilities, rather than a general view that "all children" should have a pet.  
  
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I would be glad if you could review my essay and give a score for it.
Hi! There's a wide range of vocabulary in your essay. Also, the reasons you give are pretty clear and persuasive.  
  
However, the word "you" should be avoided in the essay :  
" You have to bear in mind that " => this phrase creates an unpleasant feeling for those who read it  
" you should prepare yourself for costs like..."  
  
It's better to replace it by other words like : people, individual,....
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You only delivered 2 reasoning paragraphs in what should be a 5 paragraph essay. Where is your personal opinion? Do not mistake the instructions for this essay. When you are told to discuss both points of view, that means you do that from a general perspective. Your personal opinion should be a stand alone paragraph That delivers your understanding of both discussion points, with the addition of your support for one of the 2 public points of view.
Many thanks to those you commented on my previous writing. Hope to receive your opinions on this piece as well!  
Thank you to all!  
  
**TOPIC:  
## Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they released from prison

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*What do you think are the causes of this?  
What potential solutions can you suggest?***  
WORD COUNT: 294.  
  
The issue of criminals re-offence has always been concerning for the authorities. There are some possible reasons why one person still break the law after being in prison. In this essay, I will suggest some ways to help mitigate the problems.  
  
There is no doubt that having a criminal record can dramatically impact a person's life, especially from the personal finance and social perspectives. Coming out from prisons, many offenders are left behind from a fast-growing economy. The lack of trade skills and knowledge refrain ex-criminals from earning an adequate living. I think that low incomes is the major reason that push people to commit wrong doings. In addition, society tends to avoid connections to people with a troubled past, making these individuals a victim of isolation and discrimination. The feeling of bitterness may re-evoke their cognitive law-breaking patterns.  
  
From my perspective, both the government and the society can help to resolve these problems. To start off, the mental health of confined individuals must be well-cared about. There should be well-designed rehabilitation programs that teach them the rights and wrongs, and the responsibilities of a good citizens. With the right techniques, changing a person from his understanding is key to a powerful improvement in behaviors. Besides that, to ensure that criminals can be employed after the imprisonment, apprenticeship programs and safe community jobs can provide these people with skills and experiences. At the same time, we should have more generous view about offenders and encourage them to re-integrate into the community.  
  
It is true that some criminals repeat their mistakes in the past. To me, reasons may varies from financial hardships to the failure to create desirable social relationships. To tackle these issues, governments should provide supportive rehabilitation programs and people in the community should also change their attitudes toward ex-criminals.
Outline the response to the questions. The format is :  
Restatement + Response  
  
State the original prompt in your own words, then offer the causes and solutions. The outline will help you keep track of what you have to discuss in the discussion paragraphs. 2 connected causes in one paragraph, 2 connected solutions in the next paragraph for this 4 paragraph essay.  
  
Stop saying "There is no doubt" in your essay because, while you may not doubt your discussion, others have their doubts. So do not be so matter of fact in your presentation. Use general references, avoid giving personal opinions when not required, such as in this instance.  
  
Your paragraphs are under developed. Use less topics, more explanations that support and connect them. To repeat, use only 2 connected topics per paragraph. 2 topics allows you to properly explain and discuss, 3 means all topics are not properly explained, given an example, and completed with proper reasoning.
## Computer vs human

  
  
*I hope that I got the discussion essay structure correct this time! Thank you in advance for your feedback, everyone!  
A band score estimation will be helpful too.*  
  
**Some scientists believe that in the future computers will be more intelligence than human beings. While some see this as a positive development others worry about the negative consequences.  
  
Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
WORD COUNT: 287.  
  
There is no doubt that the advancement of computers is happening rapidly. While I share the concern with people who worry about the detrimental effects of this trend, I am on the side with the ones that are fascinated by its potential implications.  
  
On the one hand, the fear of intelligence machines is not radical. Many programs, nowadays, deeply analyze the users' behavior patterns and can make an impact on human lives in various ways. One clear example is the daily recommendations of music, next destinations, or suggestions on who to contacts that are provided by smartphones. They can accurately reflect the user's preference and even predict the next decisions. Opponents to the technology development claim that future machines can have increasing controls on human by giving such delicate guidance.  
  
On the other hand, computers are invented and enhanced to serve for a better living experience. Modern people can enjoy the ease of living without the need of doing many household chores. Floors are cleaned by automated vacuum robots, dishes become spotless by the work of the dishwashers. Above all, these works are programmed by humans; we hold firmly the control over these computers. People who support the modernization point out that if the computing engineers design the computers to have narrow specializations, such as the cleaning robots, the fear of the aforementioned opponent is minimized. I think that technology is the future, hence we should take proactive actions to ensure our sustainable prospect, and not to neglect its benefits.  
  
In conclusion, the impact of technology is profound. The worry that computers will overtake humans is reasonable, however, engineers can strictly limit the computer's capability. Overall, I strongly believe that technological advancement will improve human living quality.
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You did not accurately restate the prompt. You need to use only the information provided. That means, you have to refer to the scientists in your version of the discussion rather than indicating an opinion (There is no doubt...) because the opinion should be presented within the reasoning paragraphs. You only present the 2 sides of the discussion, not your opinion. This is an incorrect restatement + response to the instruction. It is not correct.  
  
Do not refer to one hand and the other, refer to the gender free groups of people for each discussion point. For the scientists, you may refer to "technological minds", for the opponents, they may be called "anti technology supporters".  
  
You turned the whole discussion into a general discussion without any clear reference to the groups that are speaking. You also neglected to present and defend your personal opinion as the 3rd reasoning presentation. The essay is not good. It does not deliver on the expected formatting, reference, and discussion requirements.
Topic:  
***In some countries, more people are choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past.***  
## Do you think this is positive or negative development?

  
  
These days, the number of people who opt to live alone are increasing in many countries around the world. However, there are both pros and cons to deciding to do this. From my point of view, I believe that being single brings more negatives as compared to positives and I will discuss some of the reasons below.  
  
Firstly, it is undeniable that freedom can be considered as the greatest benefit of going solo. Almost, people can reach their decisions by their own without being hindered or disturbing by someone. For example, people are completely free in decorating their spaces, creating their daily routine, and selecting attire, even dawdling outside all night and coming home at wee hours without complaint.  
  
Despite the advantages above, I suppose the main disadvantage of monotone lifestyle is isolation and loneliness. Without advice and support from family or roommate, many adults find hard when coping with challenges since people are not master in all concerns. It is believed that connections with friends and family are important for people's health and emotional well-being. If people maintain their solo lifestyle for a long time, they may forget how to well behave or appease the others. Also, many adults may be propelled to crime if there is no consultation or encouragement provided by their family.  
  
In conclusion, there are both positives and negatives of living alone. But I suppose it has more ill effects than merits. Living with the others may be difficult in some situation, but people should consider about it rather than living alone due to the reasons I discussed above.