dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Practice：A second specialty

  
  
If you are required to obtain a second specialty to help better the job you apply for, what specialty would you like to study? Why?  
  
As the working condition transforms from generation to generation, it is more difficult to find a job than before. In such a technology-driven era, more and more people compete against others in a workplace with more than one skill for work. For instance, a salesperson can sell the goods with another language. A waiter with management skills or an accounter with computer skills is also usual in the society. Fostering the second specialty has become a trend and advantage for the employees nowadays. In my opinion, I am willing to study public relations as my second specialty.  
  
Living in a society with various people to confront and interact with, we are easy to encounter unwitting conflicts and even something worse. Sometimes we are forced to meet authorities, foreigners and people in other ages in a workplace, facing different social occasions in order to achieve our goal for work. The essential skill we required is an ability of conversation, which can be acquired from studying public relations. The second specialty will bring skills for learning how to interact with others after listening to and realizing what their intention is, and that's the crucial point related to the fact if we can have a decent conversation when we confront with others.  
  
However, there are numerous details which can be applied to many matters on the subject of public relations. In the political side, the government has to establish lasting and favorable relations with various departments in the society, so communication skills can be one of the significant abilities affecting the result. In the economic side, conglomerates will go to great lengths to get the best profits with outstanding performance for negotiation. Investors also monitor which conditions of companies look profitable for a stake. Not only interpersonal skills but a brilliant image in public are need to learn in public relations for political and economic territory, much more applications in the social side. For example, it is important to deal with conflicts in a smooth and decent way as we have different opinions from other supervisors in the workplace. In the society, how to overcome the stalemate with coworkers, customers or others in other territories is an inevitable subject that everyone will experience and learn.  
  
Overall, public relations can be widely applied in our life. No matter which works we choose, where we are striving for our own life goal, I believe that studying public relations will benefit on all our lifetime, because we live in groups, naturally causing interpersonal matters. Although public relations is an implicit skill, the merit of learning it enables us easier get along with the society.
Hey!!  
  
You have an overall well written material. I see one or two grammatical errors which I'm sure you are more than capable of correcting if you read through once more.  
  
The only problem I do find is that you have'nt spoken about your first specialty at all. The essay prompts you to talk about how it would benefit you as a person in terms of adding on to and complementing your first specialty. While you have spoken of the general benefits of "Public Relations" in various sectors, do highlight how you personally and professionally hope to grow.  
  
Good Luck! :)
Mia, consider that you are applying for a job and you are seen to be less skilled than possible in this area. Would you be willing to be instructed by your potential employer to study a second, related skill? If yes, then what skill would that be, hypothetically speaking? Present the information terms of responding to a job interview. How will a Public Relations degree help you perform your task better? Indicate your original undergraduate degree and then explain the relationship between the two. Focus on how a secondary speciality will make you more employable in the future.  
  
You should have indicated the keywords from the original prompt in your response. It should have indicated that "If required to, I would consider Public Relations as my second specialty." In addition to that presentation mistake, the essay also has a serious flaw in its pronoun presentation. Since this is a personal discussion narrative, the first person singular pronouns such as "I, me, and myself" should have been used. We is a plural first person plural pronoun so it should not be used at all in your response. These are the mistakes that marred your otherwise acceptable essay presentation. Please make sure you use the correct pronoun presentation and also, include some keywords from the original prompt in your succeeding tests in order to improve your discussion presentation skills.
## packaging waste problem

  
  
*Do you think consumers should avoid over packaged products or it is the responsibility of the producer to avoid extra packaging of products?" Give your views or any relevant example with your own experience.*  
  
Whether or not to shy away from over packaged products has always been a controversial topic. I personally believe that producers shall not take on the responsibility regarding over packaging and the consumers should continue buying this type of product. Therefore, I will be pleased to discuss two reasons behind this belief and then support them with my personal examples.  
  
First of all, most of packages these days are recyclable, therefore there is no point to stop purchasing overly packaged products. This is not at all surprising, considering that an increasing number of individual people attempt to promote sustainability; consequently, most packages can be recycled anyway. For example, when I walk into my grocery stores, most of the items that I end up purchasing always has a recycling symbol on them.  
  
Apart from products being recyclable, by over packaging a certain product, it will most likely be well protected which is what most consumers are looking for; no one wants their products to become defective due to lack of packaging. This is especially important to picky, detailed customers as most of them expect the products to be perfect and be delivered safely to their homes. For example, I always end up with defective items as the manufacturer does not package their products properly.  
  
Having discussed the importance of over packaging products, it can be concluded that both consumers and producers should not be against overly packaged products as they are recyclable and well protected. Consequently, I disagree with the statement above.
over packaged products  
I somewhat agree with you on that matter. Packaging really helps extend the shelf life of the products especially food items.  
As you've said, most packages these days are recyclable and biodegradable so it lessens the negative impact to our environment.  
However, over packaging food items which you can consume immediately is a bit annoying. Also, it's a waste of resources, and probably will add cost.  
  
Of course there are some exemptions. When shipping products to distant locations, I would prefer my product to arrive free from defects and spillage. So for me, it depends on the sensitivity of the items. I am not against over packaging. And for me, it is the responsibility of the producer because it's them who will do the packaging. If just packaging is enough to protect the product, then why over package?
Peter, you seem to have gotten a bit confused in your opening statement. You were unclear about simply having a package wrapped in recyclable materials as opposed to packages overwrapped for consumers. If you review the original prompt, there was no indication that the packages being mentioned were in recyclable wrapping. Yet your essay is solely focused on recycled, overwrapped products. You changed the prompt for the discussion. Since the focus of your essay is more on recycled products being overwrapped instead of simply overwrapped products, your answer will be considered selective in discussion topic and response. That means, you will get a lower than average score because of a certain degree of prompt deviation on your part.  
  
An example of an overwrapped product are athletic shoes. Consider how the item is wrapped. There is shrink plastic wrapping the box. The box is then shielded with clear paper on top. The shoes (in some instances) are inside a reusable bag inside the box. When you take the shoes out of the bag, the shoes itself are even contained in shape retaining holders then the shoes are filled with contouring cardboards in order to keep the shape of the foot opening. That is an example of an overwrapped product. Sure the materials used are recyclable, that isn't the issue. The is the fact that before you can even get to the actual product, you have to go through way too much packaging which, as you said is not environmentally friendly.  
  
Now, consider the case of fresh eggs. Eggs are not impact resistant and break if you even so much as place something heavy on top of the egg holder. Yet the eggs are only packaged in either plastic or cardboard containers that do very little to protect it. Shouldn't the producer bear responsibility for the packaging of this breakable item? The shoes aren't going to break and yet it is overprotected in packing. The egg, which breaks easily and has an important function in the sustenance of man, is given inferior packaging. Do you see where I am headed at here? Yes. You misunderstood the prompt to a certain degree.  
  
Consider the types of products sold in overwrapped packaging. Do you believe that all these products should be overwrapped? Maybe some do not need to be that wrapped as in the case of the shoes. You did not take the time to consider all types of packaging considerations for this direct question essay. That is why your answer is selective. Your response in this essay should have been comparative in nature.
*Some people think art is an essential subject while others think it's a waste of time.Discuss both sides and give your opinion?*  
  
## art should not be judged as a waste of time teaching

  
  
There is a discussion regarding whether the art can be seen as a fundamental curriculum for schoolchildren .Some believe that learning art at school is completely useless ,which I strongly disagree. This essay is going to present main reasons about this controversial topic.  
  
Undoubtedly , art has a significant and unparalleled reputation in our history for thousands years .We can see great works from carving on the rocks by ancient people to valuable paintings ,magnificent classical music ,well-known novels nowadays.We have to admit that our life is surround by ubiquitous a variety of art .therefore it is necessary for children to learn art at school .If we want to have a close look at how human beings use creativity ,how famous artists take advantage of anything available to make fascinating works ,how art has been changed our life and will continuously have an marked impact on us in future .  
  
However ,some believe that it is not worthwhile to teach children any art at school. unlike other subjects such as mathematics ,chemistry and biology ,art is not a specific and elementary subject but more like abstract and obscure language for children to grasp and master .furthermore ,teachers couldn't find precise comments to evaluate students,they may just say "you are gifted " .But how gifted ?what degree of it ?how can I feedback properly when teachers review artistic homework ?Obviously , it is easy to come up with scores if miscalculation made in math paper. So when the educational system of art between teachers and students couldn't work out functional like wheels and chains .people started to doubt the necessity of existence of art.  
  
Although art is different from other subjects,it should not be judged as a waste of time teaching .In fact ,learning art is meaningful. you are learning how to identify things from different perspective ,when you are listening to music teacher playing Mozart and he is explaining what the beauty behind the notes.  
  
Like what I discussed above , art is an essential subject as equal as other basic curriculum .Children should be encouraged to know more about arts .
SU, you have a problematic opening paraphrase which will result in a low TA score. You had a proper presentation of the discussion topic and the reason for the discussion. The problem came when you had to represent the discussion instruction. Look at this :  
  
Original Instruction: Discuss both sides and give your opinion  
Your Instruction: I strongly disagree. This essay is going to present main reasons about this controversial topic.  
  
Based on the portions that affect the opening paraphrase statement, I know that you can see where you made the mistake. It is quite obvious. The proper presentation for this section would have been:  
  
*There are two schools of thought when it comes to art. The first, is that art is a subject that is important so it should be taught to children. The other, is that are is not an important topic so it is just a waste of time to teach it to kids. In this essay, I will discuss both points of view as well as offer my personal view on the this topic.*  
  
Please never neglect to proofread your essay for sentence structure, grammar mistakes, and punctuation errors. In this essay, there were instances when you failed to capitalize the first word in a new sentence. You do not want to lower your GRA score just because you forgot to proofread your essay. That would be a sad reason to fail the test.  
  
In your second paragraph, you placed the topic sentence towards the end of the essay instead of the start. The proper presentation for that paragraph is:  
  
*If we want to have a close look at how human beings use creativity ... Undoubtedly , art has a significant ... learn art at school .*  
  
By properly formatting your paragraph based upon the strongest possible sentence presentation, you would have created an extremely strong discussion for that paragraph.  
  
In an IELTS essay, it is best that you do not pose questions in any of your paragraphs because you will not be able to properly respond to the questions you posed. That is because responding to your personal questions will result in a prompt deviation, which will cause the failing score of your essay.  
  
You must use first person pronouns in the presentation of your personal opinion in order to show the point of the essay where you are discussing your personal opinion already. It is important that you take ownership of the paragraph because the personal opinion is the most important aspect of an opinion essay. It showcases your analytical and reasoning skills in the English language. These are the most important aspects that can prove your ability to succeed as an ESL student in an ENL school setting. You cannot say "Like what I discussed above" to represent your personal opinion. This needs to be a solidly developed stand alone paragraph. Neither can you use it as a concluding statement as that sort of presentation does not accurately summarize the preceding discussion. Which is the purpose of the closing statement.
I will assume that you followed the prompt.  
... is completely useless ,which I strongly disagree.  
  
Thesis statement has to be separate from other sentences.  
  
... life is surrounded by ...  
  
,how art has ~~been~~  changed our life this part looks incorrect.  
  
Although art is ...  
  
Like what I ...  
  
These two paragraphs are not good enough. You should elaborate these paragraphs more.
Writing Task 2- *Government investment in arts, such as music and theater, is a waste of money. Government must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?*  
  
## Art valuation

  
  
The perceptions among people for issues in pursuit of revenue made and equivocally invested in various sectors by the government of their country has always been au contraire. However, it is undoubtedly the affair of utmost significance and must be with all options, addressed and recognized. These convictions, at times, establish a propaganda that if not moderated can render the future for a social domain, bleak. The hypothesis based on these convictions proposes that art, such as music and theater, does not stand the rightful recipient of government expense as do other public services; such as health care, transportation, education, infrastructure et cetera. I vociferously disagree with the given statement.  
  
Some people have proven to be resourceful, tenacious with a commendable ability to convince others that their way is the right way, the way that needs to be followed, pursued despite the obvious repercussions such actions may incur. The primacy of these dominant yet dissimilar to the subjugated is undeniable. However, art in all its forms; be it music, theater, painting, is a constructive element of society. It cannot be disregarded in comparison to former. Music and entertainment provides people escape from the assiduous livelihood that they have fashioned for theirselves; consequently recuperating them for modus operandi. Government should remain the constituent pillar and should encourage all forms of art; for art is not only just a notion of luxury and delicacy, but the genesis of all cultures. The constitution of a country mandates the progress of bourgeoisie, thereby preservation of its cultural artifacts accentuates its merit and manifests the country as a positive contributor to the history.  
  
William Shakespeare, Van Gogh, Leonardo da Vinci, Ludwig van Beethoven and many others in the ambit have delivered art ne plus ultra which, till Armageddon exists reverenced. So conclusively, foregrounding other domains that seem substantial, with the capital meant for art is not legitimate.
Inderjeet, this essay sounds like you used a dictionary to write it all throughout. I sincerely doubt that you will be using this kind of old English language in writing the test in a formal exam setting. With over 300 words written, there is absolutely no way you are allowing yourself enough time within the 40 minute time frame to correct yourself in case or errors in your presentation. You have to remember that this is not a test of English vocabulary knowledge. This is a test of English comprehension and everyday language discussion skills. English words that you would normally use when interacting with people or when writing your research papers. You are not trying to replace William Shakespeare or Julius Ceasar here. Your use of ancient English and foreign words in the essay will not help your score either. It will drag it down because this is a test of English language skills. Not ancient English, not artistic English, not Shakespearan English, just regular everyday English. Even though you wrote a very interesting essay, the lack of format adherence is what will make this essay fail. You often veer off context because of your desire to show off your English vocabulary and use of high brow words. That is not how you will pass this test. Read the examples of the Task 2 essays available for your reference here. Learn from these more appropriately presented examples and follow the format. That is the way you will pass this test.
@Holt  
I sincerely appreciate your thorough analysis in regard my format; and in your words "ancient English". I would indeed take it as a compliment. I am constantly in search of a manner of writing that would forthwith advance the composition desired by myself. I not long ago discovered this website and the very first piece of article I read was bettered by your insightfulness. I would very much appreciate if I could have the pleasure of you aiding me on my venture to comprehend the language. You have already established that I successfully fail at the attempt to mimic Shakespeare and the fact that I am very influenced by him. I plead if you would be so kind as to guide me to perfection.  
  
Hope to read your response.
1) I reckon you would be better off with 4 paragraphs or even 5 instead of 3 if you are aiming for a higher score.  
2) The hypothesis based on these ...  
This sentence seems a bit off to me in that you used a semicolon before such as and used the word et cetera. I believe using words such as and similar or and others would be more appropriate in this test.  
  
Also, semicolons are used too often throughout your essay; perhaps it would be better if you tried to connect your sentences with colon, dash and others to vary your sentence structures a bit more.  
  
Overall, from what I see, you are capable of writing a great essay, and it wont take you long to master it.
*In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care.  
  
Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.(250 words)*  
  
## financing long-term care for older people

  
  
The elders are believed to live in a residential home where they could have efficiency medical cares. From my point of view, the Government should only pay for this care to help old people who are in urgent need. The other elders in Britain had better live with their family and let them pay for the medical cares.  
  
The old people need to be taken care of by their family rather than nurses in the residential houses. Therefore the family should have been in charge of the payment. It will help reduce the percentage of the lonely old people in Britain. Although the Government's policy on residential homes is quite good, it is increasing the lack of care and concern for their parents or grandparents, from young people. More than five million old people in Britain whose main friend is television which should be their child or grandchild, according to the research from telegraph website.  
  
The investment in the residential care should only for the old who are in urgent needs such as homeless old people or old people without children or relative to take care of them. Being this way, the Government could cut off cost for welfare and build a quantity residential homes rather than create a lot of unqualify ones which increase the low standard and mistreatment in care homes. This research is also indicated on Telegraph website.  
  
In conclusion, it depends on the situation that should the Government or the family pay for the cares. But I strongly recommend that the family should be the main one who gives the care of their old people in the family. That is the indirect way to teach the kids how to take care and respect the old people.  
  
Please help me with the grammar and the words used
Han, you have a problem when it comes to noun usage. You keep capitalizing the word government in the essay when it is not meant to be capitalized. That is, unless the word is used at the beginning of a sentence. In this case however, you keep using it mid-sentence, which means it is not to be written with a capital letter. It does not indicate a proper noun, person, place, or thing. The government is an idealistic entity and as such, is simply a normal word. It does not exist in a formal form as defined by the noun usage rules. This mistake will have a strong effect on your final GRA score.  
  
You must also use a thesaurus to vary your word usage. You keep using the term elderly and elders in the essay which, at times, can be politically incorrect to use. Some other terms you could have used are "senior citizens" , advanced age people, aging, and retired, among some other terms that you could have used to vary up the presentation of your essay. Using varied descriptions for the same word can help to increase your lexical score.  
  
Do not use connecting words such as "but" and "because" to start your sentences. As the description of the word implies, it is used to connect 2 thoughts in one sentence. Since that is not the method by which you are using the word, you are showing a lack of sentence development rules knowledge. Thus further decreasing your GRA score.