dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
This is an extremely well discussed opinion. In fact, it is so well discussed for the most part that it appears to have researched references already that are not generallty commonly known to the basic person. Such a reference to Adolf Hitler and Cosmocracy is one of the questionable references in this paper as it pertains to the commonality of the information presented. Another questionable reference is the genocide of the Jews. Both of these topics are referred to at the end of the discussion paragraphs, without any supporting explanations for the chosen examples. In these instances, such brief references should be avoided to prevent the essay paragraphs from being judged as little developed. Both discussion reasons were strong enough, without these seriously researched based references that removed the validity of the public historical references.  
  
While I can admire the effort the writer has placed into the development of this discussion, it is still, too long a presentation for a 40 minute task. The writer is over extending the discussion in an effort to gain a higher LR score through the use of complicated and advanced English words. In reality, the scores are better when the writer uses only conversational English word references. I am doubtful if the student can actually deliver the same caliber of writing during the actual test based on his performance in this practice essay.
## the proportion of total expenditure in a certain European country

  
  
The line graph demonstrates the percentage of money used for food, leisure, clothing, transport, and fuel in certain European countries from 1960 to 2000.  
Overall, almost all expenditure was decline. While people use the money for transport was rise.  
In 1960, money was spent on food was highest (34%), followed by leisure with 18%. Over the next 40 years, the figure for food and leisure fall dramatically and reach the lowest point each, 14% and 11% respectively. Money consumption for transport was sharp growth and overtook food as the first rank in 2000.  
  
Spending on clothing and fuel decrease slightly from 1960 to 1980. Over the whole 20-year period, both clothing and fuel stay unchanged around 5% and 4%.  
  
*
Automatic failing grade.The mere fact that the essay contains 120/150 words and does not follow the paragraph formation requirement of a Task 1 essay ensures the failing score. This will be so even with scores assigned to the vocabulary and grammar sections. A passing score cannot be awarded for the C + C section since the image is evidently under analyzed and little discussed in the report.  
  
An expanded presentation composed of 3 paragraphs is necessary for proper scoring. The exam taker was in a hurry to report on obvious data. He neglected to complete a proper analysis and comparison in the process. There should be 3 sentences per paragraph. The writer must review the content and formatting requirements for this task before his next practice session.
*Please give me some advice on my essay. Thank you so much!*  
  
Government should increase the cost of fuel.  
  
**People think that government should increase the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles to solve environmental problem. Give your opinion.**  
  
It is argued that the environmental issues could be alleviated by raising taxes on fossil fuels. Though I agree with this opinion, I believe that other feasible ways could produce more beneficial impacts on improve the quality of natural habitat.  
  
To begin with, there are some reasons why citizens believe that the government should increase the cost of fossil fuel. Firstly, the authorities play a vital role in environmental preservation. By putting the rise in natural gas prices into action, inhabitants tend to choose public transport for cost-savings rather than using their own vehicles, and as a result, a reduction in transportation and any kind of journeys running on road will be made. In addition, due to the cost rised, government should have investment policies to develop and expand public transport with a view to encouraging people to take buses or train in lieu of driving. Secondly, freight companies might switch to other ways to deliver merchandise, such as rail rather than trucks. Both of these measures would cut down emissions emitted from vehicles, alleviate the green house effect and recover the fresh air quality.  
  
In spite of the aforementioned arguments, I would concur with those who believe that some other potential measures can be added up to solve environmental issues. First and foremost, the government can introduce some policies to monitor the upcoming number of private car ownership. For example, Vietnam has proposed policies to raise taxes and urban road pricing for cars, with a plan to gradually increase the annual fee. Besides public transportation, the authorities should prioritize expenditure on environmentally friendly vehicles like bicycles, electric motorbikes or cars with a view to urging using green energy on citizens. As for the capital of Denmark, Copenhagen is considered one of the most renowned destinations for its cycling culture. Moreover, the increased use of alternative energy could reduce environmental degration from emissions produced from vehicles and assist in the endeavor to combat global warnming.  
  
In conclusion, increasing the cost of fuel might be a useful stopgap measure in some circumstances, I personally believe that government should consider a long-term measure which could exert more beneficial effects on tackle environmental issues.
The writer does not use the correct replacements for certain keywords in the essay. Specifically, he uses "argued" as the alternative for the original " think". The synonym used is wrong because the 2 words have different, unrelated meanings:  
  
Think - Elementary level verb; meaning : to have or form in the mind as an idea, conception, etc. can this case, it refers to an opinion)  
  
Argued - Elementary level verb used with an object ; meaning : to state the reasons for or against (This cannot be confused with a thought / opinion )  
  
The essay actually works well as an opinion statement. However, the writer has problems with word usage in relation to vocabulary and tense usage.
**Topic:  
## New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?**  
  
People's way of living has been drastically changed, thanks to recent advancements of technology. This development also heavily affects what children nowadays spend their leisure time on. Despite some obvious benefits, this change, from my perspective, brings more harm than good to children's growth.  
  
On the one hand, new technologies encourage children to explore the world within their house using interactive apps or programs, which visualize different scenarios, provide practical information and create online space for cross-nation connection. It is far easier than ever for them to spend their free time learning skills or reading books online. With the rise of social media, children have countless opportunities to connect and make friends with people across the globe, leading to a more joined-up world for future generations, especially in the context of global pandemic.  
  
On the other hand, the more virtually connected children are, the more disconnected they get in reality. It is common to see a child gluing their eyes to the screen for long hours and become victims of addictive technologies. While relationships are believed to be best nurtured with face-to-face interactions, the majority of today's children spend more time in the cyber world. The addiction to technology is also closely associated with sedentary lifestyles and various health problems, namely eye-strain, headache or more severe issues like anti-social behaviour and depression. More recently, following the Covid-19 breakout, children practice school online, adding up to an average of 8 hours facing the screen a day, which makes the problem even worse.  
  
In conclusion, the mentioned advantages are not as significant as their disadvantages. It is more advisable for children to spend their leisure time being outdoors and sharing great memories with their loved ones. Technology is for people by people.
more harm than good  
The response is unrelated to the task. The focus is on  
  
DO THE ADVANTAGES OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES?  
not harm or good. The created response is a topic alteration that will result in a failed accuracy score. Synonym usage was improper in this case. The writer chose to use incorrect alternative words. The essay now starts with a failing Task score.  
  
The second paragraph does not disprove the opposing point of view as it should be doing. The writer himself fails to strongly support his own opinion. By using this equal discussion presentation, the essay fails to meet the "outweigh' requirement of the prompt. Only one side of the discussion should be highlighted. That should be related to the properly given . of the writer. This is a failing score essay.
## My gap year essay - Pandemic, work, struggles and social service

  
  
After my high school graduation, I needed to overcome series of struggles. Due to Covid-19, no one in my family had a job and I focused on work to support my family during the Brazilian Crises. Equally important I spent a huge time working on my well-being before I decided to go to college, I started my therapy to overcome a case of sexual harassment, which today is already being resolved and dealt with, by the authorities.  
  
Before my graduation, I was personally nominated by my technical teachers for a job position at X Enterprise, a bigger Italian distribution of solar energy. I've worked designing solar projects as a specialized renewable energy consultant. By working I could provide my family with a stable situation during the pandemic, at the same time I could pay for my own therapy.  
  
Further, I invested large energy in opportunities to develop what I am passionate about, and start a parallel business. I could direct and lead a Design Team on Y Initiative giving classes for youngs in marginalized communities and Design workshops for the board. The experience increased my thirst to make and understand human connections, I attend international programs at Northwestern University and Yale University. Also, I took time to improve my artist portfolio in visual arts and illustration and sports I used to practice in school, such as tennis.  
  
In the last year, overcoming a trauma, working harder, discovering my leadership, and making social service I become the person I would like to be 1 year ago. Confident, at peace with myself, and ready to take new challenges
Before my graduation,  
Further  
These do not refer to activities that you participated in during your gap year. The gap year references any and all activities you participated in after graduation but before enrolling in the next academic year. You should discuss activities during the academic year where you were not enrolled. The problem, is that there is a delicate topic that occurred during the off year. If you do not feel comfortable discussing it, then do not refer to it at all. Develop the way you spent a year in lock-down instract You will not be faulted for it.  
  
I invested large energy in opportunities  
Did this happen during the gap year? If it did, then this alone will make for an excellent singular focus for your narration.
## FUND THE ARTS?

  
  
There are various opinions stating that the government's investments in arts wouldn't pay dividends. Personally, I completely agree with this point of view and the following passage would explain the reasons for this.  
  
It is understandable why nowadays some people still advocate the development of arts. They might argue that arts provoke creativity and inventiveness, especially in toddlers or infants, and would pay dividends to their development. However, given the scenario of a sophisticating and modern world being formed, having intelligent and logical minds would be of greater favor. This is as facilities would be of state-of-the-art qualities and gadgets would get even more sophisticated and cutting-edge in the future, the operation of them could require greater knowledge and pragmatism rather than creativity should be given priority in terms of employment.  
  
Furthermore, there are numerous aspects that would be beneficial and have a greater contribution to the well-being of a country than arts. For example, Vietnam was once an under-developing country but their shift of focus towards technological periodization and industrialization had been contributing greatly to the wealth of the South East Asian country. Botswana is also an exemplar in view of its policies to develop education and science rather than arts. As a result, the African country now possesses one of the fastest-growing economies in the world and is well respected by both regional and international neighbors.  
  
To sum up, instead of funding arts, the government should invest more in other industries in order to not waste their money.
and the following passage would explain the reasons for this.  
Presenting your 2 reasons in support of your opinion will serve as a score boost in the preliminary scoring stage. Do not waste the opportunity by simply presenting an empty thesis statement. Your logic and topic understanding in that sentence can help you get a higher overall score. Make sure every sentence used will move the essay forward with an intelligent discussion each time.  
  
Good job in refuting a positive perception in the second paragraph. You have shown a strong skill when it comes to presenting a cohesive and coherent discussion. This followed through in the next paragraph. However, the 3rd paragraph would have scored better with a fully developed Vietnam based discussion. The Botswana discussion was weak and hindered the discussion progress.  
  
For a better summary conclusion score, please use at least 40 words next time.
## **The two maps below show road access to a city hospital in 2007 and in 2010.**

  
  
The given maps illustrate the modifications that were made to a city hospital's transport infrastructure in the 2007-2010 period.  
  
Overall, it is apparent that there were some significant differences between the two layouts. These involved the intersection upgrade and the construction of bus and parking facilities.  
  
The most striking change was the appearance of the two new roundabouts. While the first one was erected at the three-way junction of Ring Road and Hospital Road, the other one was built at the southern end of Hospital Road. The main hospital building, which was encircled by Ring Road, remained unaltered throughout the period.  
  
Bus system and parking spaces also underwent some radical changes. In 2007, there were 3 bus stops on either side of Hospital Road. Three years later, these were obliterated to make way for a large bus station connected with the roundabouts. The parking area, which was once accessed by both the members of public and the staff, was later on separated as an exclusive public car park was added to the east side of Ring Road.  
  
*
in the 2007-2010 period.  
You misunderstood. The comparison does not cover successive years. These are 2 individual year changes. The reference comparison points should indicate the 2 years seperately.  
  
The discussion paragraphs should therefore be presented by year. Discuss the original image from 2007, with specific mention of the year for image reference clarity. You may indicate which areas will be undergoing changes, without specific mention of how yet. That may be the focus of the 2010 paragraph instead.  
  
It appears that you tend to use less analysis of the first image at all times. This lessened analysis also happened in your previous presentation. Aim for a balanced analysis for your C + C score benefit.
***IELTS Writing Task 2:  
Some people think students should study the science of food and how to prepare it. Others think students should spend time on other important subjects.***  
  
## DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION.

  
  
With regard to the enhancement of education, there is a great deal of submissions being made to the study program for students and the subjects included therein. While some argue that the science and preparation of food should be added into courses, others insist on giving priority to more important subjects. This essay will analyse both views and argue in favour of the latter.  
  
To begin with, the experiences which the science of food brings are valuable. Firstly, scientific knowledge about food encourages students to take a health-conscious approach to their dietary patterns. Because when students understand how food constituents like proteins, fats, carbohydrates, affect their physical condition, they may become more willing to adopt a balanced diet in preference to fast food. Moreover, possessing a solid understanding of food and cooking can ensure not only general well-being but also serve as a basic survival skill. Students who are proficient with culinary skills will be more capable of adjusting to living on their own. For instance, they can make their own food without either readily available dishes at homes or processed foods at convenience stores.  
  
On the other hand, the students are dedicated to the formal majors selected by governments and institutions that carry advantages. The primary goal of school education should be to prepare students for one pivotal end that is the university entrance exam. This means placing more emphasis on compulsory subjects like Math, Literature and English, which are practical subjects for evaluating students' performance. Furthermore, the academic subjects can provide an individual with the foundational knowledge to smoothly transit into a professional working environment. For example, logical thinking acquired during math lessons and critical thinking fostered by literature are prerequisites to nuanced problem-solving skills.  
  
Overall, despite the several benefits offered by the incorporation of food science into students' curriculum, I am in favour of the opinion that students should devote their time mainly to core subjects.
argue in favour of the latter.  
A properly structured restatement + opinion paragraph does not need to repeat the discussion instruction. Rather, it will provide a direct response in accordance with the 3rd requirement of the presentation, your personal opinion. You already indicated that both views will be discussed when you restated both sides of the discussion. So all that is left to comply with the task accuracy section is the statement of your opinion. You lose points when you do not directly address the prompt discussion requirements.  
  
am in favour  
Since you used the 3 paragraph format for this discussion, as you did not agree or disagree immediately with the public opinion, this statement must have been presented as the 3rd paragraph of the discussion. It must contain the same fully developed explanation as you presented with the public opinion to properly explain how you developed your supported side. It is not given a score when made a part of the concluding summary. The concluding summary is a recap of the 3 discussion paragraphs. It does not recieve a score when it contains a new topic that requires further discussion development such as, your personal opinion.
## **write an essay against banning smartphones in public.**

  
  
Using smartphones today is a common phenomenon with everyone all around the world. Everything always has advantages and disadvantages, and there are some people have an idea that is banning smartphones in public because of its bad influence such as using phone to listen to music while driving a vehicle can make a bad accident or using cell phone to call someone in library is too annoying, and so on. Those reasons are not totally wrong but I still believe in advantages of smartphones in public. Therefore, I personally think there is no need to ban smartphones in public.  
  
Firstly, using smartphones in public still have a big advantage that may relates to live or dead. For example, if someone is in dangerous and in the verge of death that means that person is in emergency and need help, he/she can use a phone to ask for helping from his/her family or someone he/she trust. If banning using phones in public, that person in the example is hard to survive. Therefore, smartphones can be saviours of people in some situations.  
  
Secondly, sharing something interesting by smartphones can connect people with people to be more friendly, not only talking together simply. It is imaginable that some friends are meeting and gathering in a coffee house for celebrating some successful events. Those friends did events successfully and definitely took some funny and happy photographs while preparing for events. And now, they can talk about that time and open pictures taken before to recollect some exciting activities they did. That can make the meeting more impressive and happier. Smartphones can help people more united in public place.  
  
In conclusion, because using smartphones in public still have such a lot of advantages, I think we should not ban them. The point here is the person who use it with which consciousness he/she has. Smartphones do not have faults.
common phenomenon  
You cannot refer to the regular usage of an item as a common phenomenon because those are 2 contrasting word meanings:  
  
Common - widespread, general, or universal  
Phenomenon - an occurence of an extraordinary observable nature  
  
So, if the usage of mobile phones are considered common, it cannot be considered a phenomena. Kindly check the word meaning against the way you want to use it next time. Make sure the words you use in combination refer to the same or improved meaning of the idea you wish to convey.  
  
listen to music while driving a vehicle  
This is a private act, not a public act. If one is driving a vehicle as in a private car, then the reference is incorrect. If one is driving a taxi, bus, or specified form of public transport then it is a public action. There is again, a problem with the way the writer references the words. He shows a lack of word meaning and inability to properly use the word references.  
  
Let us put is this way, the writer has the right ideas, but is unable to properly form word and sentence structures to convey what he wishes to say. Language development exercises with regards to grammar structure are in order. The essay has the correct meaning but fails to deliver properly when it comes to GRA requirements.