dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***Some people believe that all wild animals should be protected. Others say that few wild animals should be protected instead.  
## Discuss both views and give your opinion.

  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.***  
  
Animal annihilation is an alarming issue in our modern world. While some suggested that all species deserve to be given equal security, while others argued that the animal closest to extinction should be prioritized for protection. I will discuss both of the opinions from each group while strongly side with the fact that all fauna should be protected.  
  
For a number of reasons, many people believe that putting efforts to save the entire kingdom could lead us to overpopulation in which can be destructive for human survival. One cause is due to the natural behaviour and the survival instincts of wildlife that can be a life-risking threat to the human. In many cases, animals wander into urban areas and cause property damage and human injury. To exemplify, over 1 million deer were killed as they stroll on roads and highways according to the U.S. national wildlife organization.  
  
On the other hand, it is essential to put our attention to the other existing animals as they are the crucial component to the balance and stability of the ecosystem. In fact, the existence of diverse wildlife allows us to maintain the biodiversity of the environment. Without them, there will be a loophole in the ecological pyramid that will be disruptive to the whole ecosystem. For example, in the marine environment, if sharks, the dominant predator face extinction, then tuna which are the secondary predator will be overpopulated.  
  
In conclusion, although there are particular breeds of animal that require special protection given the lower numbers of their population existed, from my perspective, all animal deserves equal conservation due to their importance to our ecosystem.  
  
Please check this essay for me and give feedbacks. Thank you !
In the paraphrase, the word" While" is used incorrectly.  
  
While some suggested that all species deserve to be given equal security, while others argued  
In the first instance, the reason is missing from the presentation. A period should have divided the presentation rather than a comma since the ideas presented are different and not a continuing and related presentation.  
  
The discussion uses a general reference which does not offer the correct presentation format. The implication of the discussion is based on the writers opinion rather than the public opinion plus personal opinion type. The discussion is unclear in reference to the opinion voice. From the looks of it, pronoun usage would have helped with that. This presentation does not clearly say who is speaking in the paragraphs. The points of view are muddled.
## changes on an island after the development

  
  
The given maps illustrate the redevelopment plan of the island with various facilities for the tourists. There are drametic changes on that island after the development.  
  
According to first map, there was no accomodation for the visitor people. Also there was no development at sea-side and beach. There were only trees stood up with no man land.  
  
Second map clarifies that majority of development done on the island for tourist attraction. At the center of the new map of island reception building is there which is surrounded by the vehicle track which also connects to the restrurant. On the both side of reception, accomodation buildings made for the tourists and these all are connect with footpath. On the left side of the island tourist can go through footpath to the beach area for the swimming. Near the reception there is sea bay area which is used for the pier for the boats. Tourist can travel through boats and park their boats at pier area. Moreover, there is no cultivation of tree for this trimendous re-development of this island.  
  
In summary, this island changed to new tourist attraction with various facilities and activities for them. Though, it developed from the scratch and created very good trourist place. So that tourist can visit for the holidays and enjoy this island with excellent changes.  
  
*   
*IELTS 9 Test 1 Writing Task -1*
Let me start by saying that the with does not do a very good job of explaining himself in English. The sentence presentations show a weakness when it comes to using accurate descriptive words. This may be due to a severe lack of English vocabulary on the whilein part. The writer cannot control his sentence formation properly. He cannot form proper simple sentences. He must do more sentence exercises and grow his English vocabulary to overcome these problems. These are actually the main reasons that this essay will fail.  
  
The task 1 essay does not need a concluding summary. Such a presentation only exists for task 2 essays.
## Stats of cars numbers in Europe

  
  
The bar chart illustrates information about how many cars of each person in the total of 1000 people in five European countries in 2005, 2009 and 2015, in comparison with the average of these countries.  
  
Overall, there was an increase of the number of cars in Europe from 2005 to 2015, except country 3 and country 4. Another interesting point is that country 4 was the only country where there was no change in the number of cars in three yeas.  
  
Looking at the details, there were around 300 per 1000 people in country 1 in 2005. Then, the figure improved to 400 per 1000 people in 2009. However, it reduced again to about 200 per 1000 people in 2015. This figure was the lowest in bar chart. By contrast, the number of cars in country 5 was roughly 900 per 1000 people in 2005. Then, it went up to around 990 per 1000 people in 2015, higher than the average figure for Europe by roughly 200.  
  
In addition, the figures of country 3 and country 4 were similar, approximately 700. However, the figure of country 3 went down to around 690 in 2005 while the figure of country 4 did not change in three years.
The summary overview does not present a clear restatement. Since the writer did not upload the image , I am limited in presenting a solution to this problem. All I can say is that the reader will definitely feel confusion and irritation after several assessment readings of this line. The GRA score will be non-passing in this instance. The writer must make more of an effort to write comprehensive sentences by separating the sentence information.  
  
Information basis appears to be questionable. The writer mentions Europe in the essay but then uses numerical ordinances for the other countries. Again,the writer did not succeed in creating a mental picture of the image for the reader. The essay writer needs to learn how the create a descriptive report essay. Unfortunately, I can advise on how to accomplish that due to the lack of image.
## Writing task 2: Globalisation

  
  
**Task 2: It has been said that the world is becoming a global village in which there are no boundaries to trade and communication.  
*Do the benefits of globalisation outweigh the drawbacks?***  
  
Over the past few decades, the world has been morphing into the era of globalisation where there are no limitations regarding trade and communication. Many people claim that this phenomenon can lead to a manifold of advantages, while others argue that it may result in numerous undesirable effects. From my perspective, globalisation does more harm than good and this essay will elaborate the aforementioned idea.  
  
On the one hand, it is qualitative for some people to believe that globalisation poses positive impacts on people's lives. Evidently, via cooperation and integration, humans stand a good chance of broadening their knowledge. It is beyond-disputed that by communicating with friends all over the world, people can have an insight into not only their languages but also their cultures. However, there is a growing number of social media as well as websites that would enable them to learn about other countries and visualize their daily lives.  
  
On the other hand, globalisation may trigger cultural assimilation. Since many traditions are rapidly imported into the country, all of which are extremely appealing and novel, people's curiosity will be stimulated. As a consequence, in order to keep track of these trends, people, especially youngsters may flock into using foreign products, listening to foreign songs regardless of their qualities. Subsequently, an enormous number of traditional customs will be eradicated.  
  
Moreover, this tendency will badly affect the living standard of indigenous residents. Due to mass tourism, the government may be incapable of controlling the massive immigration of people from other countries. It is irrefutable that many fatal diseases are attributed to this consequence. For example, during the Covid-19 pandemic, citizens in England have been contracted to the virus variants due to a group of immigrants coming from Nigeria. Therefore, if the authority has not been well-prepared for the unexpected aftermaths, trade and communication must be limited.  
  
To recapitulate, the drawbacks of globalisation are prone to prevail over its benefits. Therefore, each country should be equipped with strict regulations along with careful supervision so as to monitor this controversial inclination.
In the restatement paragraph, the original words trade and communication were not replaced by the writer. Synonyms should have been used ( e.g. trade= business, communication = correspondence) to show some vocabulary range. In the opinion presentation, there is no need to specify, "and this essay will elaborate the aforementioned idea." since that is already known to the reader. Only an opinion sentence should be found in that paragraph.  
  
If using a comparative discussion, the 2 paragraphs should use the following format:  
  
Sentence 1 - Topic representing a benefit  
Sentence 2 - Reason it is believed to be a benefit  
Sentence 3 - Reason it is a drawback  
Sentence 4 - Example of the drawback  
Sentence 5 - Additional explanation or transition to next paragraph.  
  
The idea is to disprove the benefits to prove the writer's opinion as correct both times.
## Internet Users as percentage of population

  
  
The graph details the proportion of Internet users in three different nations from 1999 to 2009. Overall, it is readily apparent that the figures of Internet users had a relative increase in all the USA, Canada, Mexico, regarding Mexico recorded as the lowest growth among three throughout the examined period.  
  
Looking first at Mexico, the number of users accessing the Internet in Mexico started with about 8 percent, which was almost three times decrease in the USA. There was stability in 2001 before had a steady rise in 2005. Internet users in Mexico almost remained again at the same level at the end of the period.  
  
In contrast, American and Canadian users commanded a drastic growth over the period. Particularly, the number of users in the USA and Canada stood at around 25 % and 12% in 1999, almost three times and 1/3 higher than Mexico, respectively. Looking back at Canadian users, the figures were ranked after the USA in 1999 before overtaken this country with almost 15% higher in 2003. Next two years, the USA rebounded with 75%, which was the same level as Canada, and was led again by Canada in 2009.  
  
*
In the summary overview, the writer mistakenly used a comma instead of a period whe presenting his trending sentence. This created a clear grammatical eror in the form of a run-on sentence. This will result in a GRA score reduction. Remember, form one idea per sentence to avoid GRA and C + C problems.  
  
Although there are some imperfect sentence presentations, these did not deter the writer from creating clear reports. There is no need for repeated readings of the paragraph to understand the content. There was an efficient data restatement. The analysis is also well developed and presented. This essay will get more than just the average passing score.
## The graph - wheat exports

  
  
The line graph illustrates how many tones of wheat were exported in five years of Australia, Canada, and the European Community.  
Overall, there was an upward trend in the amount of wheat that Canada and The European Community exported. On the other hand, a downward trend was the main point worth noticing in Australia.  
  
In the first three years, the tones of Canadian wheat declined slightly from nearly 20 million to more than 15 million and go up gradually to over 21 million tonnes right after one year. It seems like The European Community had the most stable exportation when it just fell steadily for a little in 1986 then had a minimal increase in 1987, 15 million tonnes. Australia had a little rose between 1985 and 1986 but fell one year later to almost 15 million tonnes.  
  
As the graph shows in last 2 years, Canada reached the peak of 25 million tonnes in 1988 then dropped sharply to less than 15 million tonnes in 1989 got recovery a couple of million tonnes in the next year. After the increase, the tone of wheat that The European Community exported had kept instant at 15 million between 1987 and 1989 before rose again and peaked at 20 million in the last two years. Australia continues to go down slowly and hit the lowest number from 1988 to 1990.  
  
*
The writer has used a Task 2 under-word count for a Task 1 essay. There should only be 200 words present in this essay. That count is representative of a 20 minute writing allowance. He must use a timer next time and, there is a need for him to learn how to write driect reports. indicative of image data. References to a personal opinion such as " It seems" must not be used in this report because personal opinions are not a requirement for this type of writing. The analysis references must use general comparison methods instead. The summary needs to cite the years of measurement to complete the overview data. The writer must focus on clear content rather unnecessary sentence and paragraph lengthening.
***In some countries owning a home rather than renting one is considered very important.***  
## Why might this be the case? Is this a positive or negative development?

  
  
Whether people should possess a home or rent one still depending on each individual's using purpose. It is, however, pivotal to have their own ones in several countries.  
  
Firstly, owning a home brings us the feeling of stability, safety, and comfortable because has already been yours so you do not need to think of an accommodation to live in. Furthermore, we will have the whole entitle to decorate, modify all the household appliances. Last but not least, this is also a way to invest when they might pick a good site so that in case they wanted to leave, the value of the home sometimes could even raise up enormously. The thing is, we all know that it is a bit severe when we must have a far great deal of money in a certain time to afford that real estate.  
  
On the other hand, renting a house has some particular difficulties on the grounds that it is hard to find an absolutely satisfactory place. In addition, renters could have some difficulties in negotiating contracts with the landlord. The biggest advantage of this that is has a much lower price compared to the first option. However, to some people, for the features of their job, etc. they have to live not in a certain place so renting is also a good way to solve the living problems.  
  
To conclude, buying owning a home is more suitable for those who have financial capability and they need a permanent accommodation. In this case, it can be seen that a positive. Yet, it could change to negative when a person is out of budget to maintain paying the loan.  
  
*Can I ask which Ielts score would I have for this essay.*
The essay will immediately start with a failing score. While the topic paraphrase is related to the original one, the writer provided an unrelated response to the 2 direct questions as can be seen below:  
  
Questions: WHY MIGHT THIS BE THE CASE? IS THIS A POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE DEVELOPMENT?  
Response: It is, however, pivotal to have their own ones in several countries.  
  
The writer did not present a response in the expected format. Rather than providing discussion reasons, a personal opinion was stated instead. This is a prompt deviation that will result in a failed TA score. There is no recovering to a passing score when the interpretation and response presentation is deemed incorrect and given a corresponding score.  
  
The writer chose to use a comparison discussion in the body of paragraphs. This is another clear failure on the part of the writer. He has shown an inability to respond in the indicated format (single opinion). He cannot be awarded a passing score.  
  
The writer finally decided to present a related response in the conclusion, but the essay will still fail for 2 reasons:  
- No clear opinion provided. This is not a comparison essay  
- No proper concluding summary is provided. The opinion is part of the reasoning paragraphs, never the concluding summary.
## products profits analysis

  
  
The bar chart illustrates the amount of money which was earned by three different products over three years, starting in 2000.  
  
Broadly speaking, it can be seen that sales of three products increased during the period given with an exception of CDs sales, which dropped between 2000 and 2003.  
  
As is seen from the chart, it is noticeable that a high amount of money was earned by CDs products, at over 35 billion dollars in 2000. The figure had a slow decrease of approximately 33 billion dollars in 2001. Sales of CDs gradually fall to just above 30 million dollars in 2002 and this figure maintained the same level at the end of the shown period. Conversely, sales of DVD or videos were less over 10 billion dollars compared to CD sales steeply rose from around 25 billion dollars to 30 billion dollars in 2003, which was almost the same as the value of CD sales.  
  
Similarly, the amount of money which was gained by sales of games software stood at approximately 15 billion dollars in 2000. After that there was a consistent raise of 15 billion dollars in 2002. In 2003,near 18 billion dollars were attained by sales of games software.  
  
*
The writer neglected to give a complete rundown of the chart items in the summary presentation. There is also a hyper-focus on CD sales in the presentation. This caused an inefficient comparison and analysis presentation of the remaining 2 items.  
  
The topic of the graph is also improperly presented. The review says the image relates to amount earned, but the graph clearly says the images present figures in relation to the change in global sales of the 3 items. The task is now an inaccurate report. It is now providing incorrect data representation. That error can lead to a failing TA score related to restatement inaccuracy.
## IELTS Writing Task 2 - Taking a gap year

  
  
*Task 2:*  
**In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this.**  
  
In this day and age, it is true that taking a gap year is not a strange topic. More and more people, especially young people are supported to work or take long journeys between graduating from high school and entering tertiary. In this essay, I will point out some benefits and drawbacks of this idea.  
  
There are many prominent advantages of taking a gap year before becoming a new student at college or university. Firstly, spending free time after a long time studying hard is an advisable way to unwind because students have to learn toughly during twelve years at school. Moreover, working and traveling also provide young people with a lot of precious experiences that help them a lot with their studies or the jobs in the future. During the time going outside, they have chances to meet different kinds of people, they get opportunities to explore more about this life so they can figure out some knowledge which they can hardly get from the formal training at school.  
  
On the other hand, spending time working or traveling before joining a higher level of education is still opposed by some individuals, especially the elderly because of its disadvantages. It is said that taking a gap year makes young people lose their passion for studies. After having a long holiday, they get bored and tired of accepting new knowledge from the learning environment and they can also forget a large number of lessons they received at high school. Another point to consider is that if they work outside for a year with their high school diploma to get personal experiences, they may get difficulties in finding suitable jobs relating to their hobbies and abilities because jobs' requirements nowadays are rigorous.  
  
All in all, though there are some arguments about the upsides and downsides of taking a year off after finishing studies at school, I do believe that young people are wise enough to make the right decision whether or not they should have a gap year.
Overwriting an essay is just as bad as underwriting one. When an essay is overwritten , in terms of word count during practice, it stands to reason that the writer will fail to meet the 40 minute writing limit during the actual test. There is a suggested 300 word limit for the discussion precisely because of time considerations.  
  
The tendency ofa wordy essay is to be discussion filler focused rather than concise content presentations. The current essay proves this as the first 2 sentences of each paragraph presented are not topic sentences but sentence fillers. While the writer makes strong presentations, he takes too long to get to the point. Remember the time limit at all times. This mistake affects the C + C and GRA scores of the essay.
## getting a job or continuing education

  
  
Graduating from High School, a lot of teenagers find it difficult to choose between getting a job or continuing their education. Even though there are some benefits of working straight from after school, I believe that going to universities or colleges will be the better choice.  
  
On the one hand, having a job at the early time will help young people saving large sums, which should have been spent on studying. They can deliver money and have a sooner start-up than peers. Besides, teenagers can also accumulate experience and knowledge, improving quality of life.  
  
On the other hand, higher education may cost time and money, but it will give you better degree for a better-paid job. Nowadays, qualification plays an important role in a person's career. This can be demonstrated by a survey of nearly 100 universities and colleges in America, most of whom guarantee job opportunities for their students up to 90%. Secondly, continuing academic career can also give teenagers time and experience orientate accurately their further job. This can base on interests and strengths, which demonstrated through subjects. To give a clear example, a recent study by Queen's University found that their students can find suitable jobs by doing internships and part-time jobs since 2nd years of university.  
  
For the above reason, it seems to me that students with higher academic background are likely to be more successful in pursuing their dream jobs.
The writer was not informed of the repercussions connected with writing an essay comprised of less than 250 words. A significant portion of the TA score will recieve preliminary scoring deductions before other scoring considerations are reviewed. The percentage of deductions are quite notable since such an error will almost assure the writer of a failing score. Why? The essay will automatically be considered lacking in discussion development, leading to a failing C + C score. The first reason is lacking in terms of example discussion and support. Making it the least developed paragraph in the discussion. Neither does it properly transition to the next paragraph.