dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hi, I agree that some graders do not want to see a single sentence paragraph, so I would try to expand your conclusion and at least divide that single sentence. Also, to me it is not clear which side of the argument you favor. The prompt asks whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, so make sure your answer to this question is clear and stated in the thesis as well as throughout the essay. Here are some other suggestions:  
  
... increasing number of [the younger generation] {there is still only one younger generation}  
  
The young tend to move out of their parents' house  
  
In spite of [the] above mentioned  
  
advantages of having [a larger] younger population  
  
In conclusion, although the problems [caused by] a larger ...
## problems with children education

  
  
How to educate children well is always a heated topic among masses, as the fate of the young generation is closely associated with the future of society. Along with rapid high-tech development, some people show their pessimism that children nowadays are more difficult to educate than that in previous times. However, personally speaking, I am convinced current children are in fact easier to educate.  
  
To start, we need to focus closely on how technology development plays a positive role in the growth path of children nowadays. The wide emerge of online resources provide children with more possibilities and choices to discover outside world. I still remember when I was a young child, limited resources around me made me hard to obtain enough accesses to know what the unknown world is, thus causing my narrow horizon toward the whole life. This disadvantageous effect comes along with me throughout my life, which impedes deeply the progress of my study and work. However, for children in current times, they are allowed to discover novelties and other unknown spheres just by tapping small buttons, which can bring them into the pool filled with abundant online resources. In this place, their desires for finding out facts and essences of bizarre items can be greatly met.  
  
Moreover, social networking can also make contributions to one child's growth. Human beings are social animals, which means we are more or less influenced by other people inevitably and implicitly. So, as long as the social network with which children get in touch is deliberately guided by parents, children can actually improve themselves by looking up to other exceptional peers who have well-designed schemes for the future. This is not easy to achieve in the past as children during that period had scarce sources to have contact with other people.  
  
Last but not least, the advancement of technology also brings about new chances for parents to update the way to educate their children. Compared to the previous time, when parents can only exchange the experience or skills concerning education with their neighborhoods or colleagues. The robust emergence of various kind of Apps, which mainly focus on building the community for gathering parents from everywhere, offering more opportunities for parents to absorb good sides from others and renovate their way of treating children. Along with this process, parents are able to reflect on their approaches to teaching their children and are more likely to make more scientific plans to educate them.  
  
Thus, my point is very clear: nowadays, along with the high-speed social development, the difficulty to educate children is lower than in previous times.
Ruslai0,  
Your essay is on the right direction. However, I do suggest that you look into shortening your sentences. If you can reread your essay and find that some portions can be divided into two separate sentences, please do so. This will make your writing easier to read, hence it will improve how comprehensible your essay is.  
  
I also noticed that your third paragraph is quite out of place. Perhaps if you switched your third and fourth paragraph, you can create a better structure as both the second and fourth paragraph discuss dynamics of technology and its correlation with teaching students. You can perhaps start off by discussing how technology paves way for the dissemination of information. Afterwards, you can discuss how progression of technology has also resulted to a new approach to education.  
  
I also suggest that you can add more flair to your essay by merging both social networking and technological advancement in relation to educating people. You may discuss here how technology can assist, for instance, students who are introverted and less outgoing to have more interpersonal skills development because of media-based networks.  
  
You may as well add more details to your conclusion to make it more comprehensive.  
Best of luck!
## longer prison sentences VS CRIME RATE

  
  
Topic:  
*Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.*  
  
It is true that prolonging prison sentences is considered as the best method of lowering crime rate. However, some individuals think that there are other potential alternatives to longer sentence periods. This essay will discuss both views and state my own position.  
  
On the one hand, longer prison sentences would serve as a deterrent for future offenders. There is no doubt that this solution would disseminate a fear of losing freedom among citizens, which obviously forces people to abandon their malevolence. Moreover, by imposing longer sentences on perpetrators, governments could give them more time to deeply reflect on their false preconceptions. For example, several criminals, who had not received formal education before, had been converted into model citizens after spending time in jail contemplating their crimes.  
  
On the other hand, there are other optimal solutions for this problem such as enhancing living conditions of the poor. It is undeniable that people tend to break the law when their basic needs are not satisfied so this method would significantly reduce the conviction rate. Another promising approach to the problem would be to concentrate on improving the quality of rehabilitation and reintegration process of inmates. In this way, authorities would not only promote humanity but also convert the perpetrators to decent civilians. For instance, Scandinavia has the world's lowest recidivism rate thanks to the implement of such methods.  
  
In conclusion, although certain merits of prolonging prison sentences could partially reduce the crime rate, I am convinced by the other aforementioned solutions because of their humanitarian traits. (254 words)
## plan of university sports centre

  
  
*Question:  
The plans below show the layout of a university's sports center now, and how it will look after redevelopment.  
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.*  
  
Essay:  
The following floor plans describe the current layout of a university's sports center and the future plan after renovation. Overall, the later has more indoor facilities and functional rooms than the former.  
  
It is clear that the existing layout has two outdoor courts located in the east and the west of the sports center. In the heart of the center lies a 25-meter pool which is lined with an existing changing room and a row of seats along its sides.  
  
Looking at the future plan, large-scale reconstruction has been planned to renovate the sport center substantially. Firstly, the eastern outdoor courts are going to be completely removed to make place for a new indoor sports hall. Next, two additional dance studios are planned to build next to the right of it. Furthermore, a new café and a second changing room are tentatively situated in the southeast in front of the sports hall. Secondly, there will be a new leisure pool constructed to replace the western outdoor courts. A third additional changing room and a sports shop are going to be built in the southwest of the center in front of the leisure pool. It is noticeable that the existing gym is expected to enlarge as almost double as its current size.  
  
(Word count: 211 words)  
  
*
Crystlho,  
  
I would suggest merging the first two paragraphs of your essay together because they seem to be simply hanging in terms of thought. Or perhaps, you can find a way to restructure your essay wherein your concluding remarks would fall after your comparison - not before. I have noticed that you the first paragraph was already making elucidations about the topic before explaining why the other plan has more facilities. I would also suggest expounding more about the details of the existing layout. You spent a huge part of the essay explaining the details of the new plan to the point that you had left behind the current layout.  
  
What you can also do is make a side-by-side comparison of each portion of the layout than simply describing both of the structures.
## Private Healthcare services analysis

  
  
[Question] *Some people think that good health is a basic human need, so the medical service should not be run by profit-making companies. Do you think the disadvantages of private health care outweighs the advantages ?*  
  
[Answer]  
It is irrefutable that having a good health is one of the fundamental rights of every human being. Therefore, the business on medical services should be banned. In my opinion, although there are some drawbacks of private heath care, I would argue that these are outweighed by the benefits.  
  
On the one hand, private medical treatment has its own negative impacts in some aspects. The biggest drawback to private-owned hospitals is that the fee for their services which includes treatment cost and prescription charges is remarkably high in comparison with the one in public hospitals. It is due to the fact that making money is always the top priority of private holding companies. Therefore, patients who choose to take medical treatment at these companies might suffer more from financial hardship. Furthermore, with the aim of maximizing profits, some private clinics not only impose higher treatment price but also minimize the labor cost by hiring low-skilled or even unqualified medical practitioners. This leads to the possibility of patients being wrongly diagnosed and receiving ineffective health cure.  
  
On the other hand, it seems to me that the governments should encourage private organizations to invest in medical systems because of some undeniable advantages. Firstly, it can help to lessen the burden on public health care system. For example, many public medical centers in Vietnam have been overloaded for a long period of time, resulting in the deterioration in the quality of health care. In order to deal with this situation, private clinics are widely established and provide people with more and better choices when seeking for medical care. Secondly, thanks to local private clinics, residents of rural or mountainous area can easily access to the primary health care without needing to take a long road to center hospital. As a result, people from minority groups might not hesitate in having a regular check-up, so that they are able to detect health problems at early stage and take preventive measures if necessary.  
  
In conclusion, despite the drawbacks of medical services being provided profit-making companies, I believe that they play an integral parts in improving the quality of medical systems.
Eren,  
  
On a personal note, I appreciate how the structure of your essay makes it comprehensible and understandable. I do have a couple of suggestions that will improve the flow of your narrative.  
  
Firstly, reconsider the phrasing and your general usage of some particular words. For instance, in the first paragraph, be clear by what you mean when you mention of the medical services sector being a form of business than a service. You can briefly explain how privatization and heavily monopolizing this can result to higher prices in services, making it inaccessible. Touching on these arguments can improve your essay's quality because it shows a long-term perception.  
  
Secondly, when you are using transition sentences, you can be more creative. You can, for instance, omit the "on the one hand" in your second paragraph; this can also eliminate the repetition from the words because you use a similar opener in your third paragraph.  
  
Lastly, I suggest that you add more details to your concluding remarks. You simply wrapped up the essay by mentioning how the drawbacks are proof that profit-making companies have no space in medical services. You can add flairs to your essay by, for instance, discussing how this can be better for people who are poor. You may also discuss why this sector has to cater to these people because it's a fundamental right of everyone.  
  
Best of luck to you.
## intelligent machines - opportunities vs risks

  
  
Artificial intelligence is believed to rapidly develop and exert tremendous effects on our future lives. However, some individual are concerned about the future in which smart machines outsmart human kind. While A.I has been improving and positively affecting our society, I would argue that it is possible that computer can probably be wiser than us.  
  
On the one hand, the invention of artificial intelligence has been significantly beneficial for human nowadays and undoubtedly in the near future. Firstly, smart robots programmed are commonly multitasking that I can do various work at once. Therefore, entrepreneurs can earn more profits by using intelligent machinery production system instead of recruiting employees. Secondly, computers could replace human in some severe work conditions. For example, scientists have sent thousands of smart devices to other planets in order to carry out various project that people can hardly do such as analysing the air or soil in there.  
  
On the other hand, computer's brilliance causes people's fear about the future human being. It is thought that unemployment rate, and job competitiveness would soar up if organizations reduce hiding worker and take advantage of machines instead. The ideal may be reasonable because computers have ability to work nonstop and hardly mistaken while some people may disqualified for their position . moreover, that modern citizens overuse and depend greatly on computers results in sedentary habit or even the degradation of human brain. So the development of those devices may pose a threat to human kind.  
  
As far as I am concerned, while intelligent machines would improve our lives in the future, the potential risks of such technologies should be taken into consideration.
In paragraph one - some individuals... A.I. ....I would argue that the computer can be wiser than humans.  
  
In paragraph two - beneficial for humans today...... commonly multitasking performing many tasks simulteneously. ... Secondly, computers could replace humans....various projects that people find challenging to include analysing the air or soil.  
  
In paragraph three - computer's intelligence causes people~~'s~~ to fear losing jobs. Remove the word up after soar....computers have the ability to work continually without making mistakes... after the word position place the punctuation of a period and capitalize the word moreover and remove the word that
## The relationship between pay and job satisfaction

  
  
Some people say that our priority when deciding on a career must be the salary. Personally, I disagree with this idea because I believe there are other equally important factors that we should also take into consideration.  
  
On the other hand, it is true that money is necessary to people as it helps them meet their basic needs. For example, everyone needs money to buy food, clothes and other facilities that make it possible for them to live comfortably. As a result, people having higher incomes are likely to easily satisfy their needs and be able to improve their standard of life higher than those with lower incomes. Moreover, it is clear that people choosing jobs depending solely on their interest do not always live a pleasant life if they are lack of money. For instance, not all singers or artists can live a luxurious life, in contrast, many of them have difficulty affording basic necessities. Therefore, it would be completely wrong to bypass the importance of salary when choosing a job.  
  
On the one hand, aside from money, there are other equally important elements that we should take into account. Firstly, I suggest we choose a career that suits our personalities, skills, and hobbies. The reason for this is that when we are passionate about our work, we tend to perform more productively and whole-heartedly, thus, leads to excellent results. Secondly, it is appreciable when our occupations can bring values to the community. If our work can serve greater purposes like making a positive difference in the world or contributing to our country's development, it is of invaluable meaning. When our job can meet these two factors, balancing work- life will be no longer an insurmountable issue.  
  
In conclusion, although salary plays a huge part in the job selection process, it is by no means the most significant element because of other equally requisite factors.  
  
P/S: I would appreciate any of your corrections on my essay. Thank you so much.
Your manner of writing is good. A lot of readers would appreciate how straightforward you are when it comes to approaching your argument. However, there are a couple of things I'd suggest.  
  
In your first paragraph, when you mention that there are other equally important factors, it would be better for you to introduce them already. If not, I suggest switching the second and third paragraph to create a better structure for your essay. If you were to move forward with this, I suggest altering the first sentence of the second (previously third) paragraph to make transition smoother.  
  
For instance, you can say:  
Aside from the monetary side, there are other elements such as suitability of career and alignment of values that both have to be considered when choosing a career.  
  
It would also be desirable if you revised the second sentence of your first paragraph into something like:  
Personally, I disagree with the idea because money is not the sole determinant of how fulfilling a career can be for an individual.  
  
If you did both revisions, it can make the flow of your essay more organic. Furthermore, I suggest extending your concluding remarks because the one that you currently have leaves the readers hanging. Why is it important to consider these factors on a personal level? Is this a more sustainable approach for people who are seeking long-term commitments in their career?  
  
Also, please review your essay once more. I have noticed that some portions have technical or grammatical-related (punctuation as well) issues. Watch out for run-on sentences.  
  
Take your second paragraph as an example; we could revise one of the lines at the end as:  
For instance, while singers or artists often have luxurious lives, there are a couple of cases wherein they can barely afford basic necessities.  
  
Just remember the three things I mentioned: restructure your essay to be more organic, ensure that you have your grammar is as professional as can be, and don't leave hanging remarks for readers by creating short paragraphs like your conclusion.
## lengthening humans' life span

  
  
***Science will soon make people live up to 100 or even 200 years. Some believe this is a good thing while others disagree.*  
DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION**  
  
Opinions differ as to whether or not the excessive extension of humans' life expectancy thanks to advanced science in the future is beneficial. This essay will examine two opposed sides and put forth a personal view.  
  
The massive prolong in the life span of people is a scientific breakthrough that helps keep multiple generations of families together. At the moment, a normal family only comprises of two to three generations which include grandparents, parents, and children. With the advancement of science technology, a future home will be able to gather members beyond the limit of grandparents. Some people consider this a positive impact because the more relatives alive, the more mutual support is available for each member.  
  
However, there are valid reasons to back those who oppose. Such a development will put more burden on the younger generations. In order to sufficiently take care of the growing number of senior citizens, the young workforce will have to excessively increase their workload to earn enough money to support their families. Eventually, workers will run out of stamina and reduce their productivity at work. In addition, an issue of housing will occur. More elder people alive means more retirement homes needed to be built. With the residential areas have now reached a limit, there will no longer be enough room to shelter senior citizens.  
  
In my opinion, helping people reach over 100 years old is not a good option unless they still have a 20-year-old man's energy. The world is already full of problems and therefore, putting more weigh on the shoulders of the younger citizens and consuming more living space seems to be unfavorable.  
  
In conclusion, while it helps generations of many families stay together longer, I believe the effects that lengthening humans' life span brings are seriously detrimental.
Coke,  
  
The direction of your essay is sufficient. I simply suggest extending the rationale of your explanations. For instance, you can extend the discussion of the mutual support through mentioning why this is better for the overall well-being of people in the family. Have a discussion about how this will enrich the family and ensure that members have heightened mental security. Talk about the impact of this to their lives; and talk about how this is better for the community itself.  
  
Regarding your second argument in your essay, I suggest backing it up with more substantial information - some data perhaps. You could put statistics on the correlation of an aging population with the levels of stress in a family. Think about case studies that display similar behavior such as Japan's situation. This can strengthen your points and make your case stronger to have more appeal.  
  
I also suggest looking into extending your argument in the opinion paragraph. It's not enough to talk about how the world has other issues - try expounding and tackling these issues on a grounded-approach to have more substantial information weighed in.  
  
Aside from that, when concluding, ensure that you utilize a criterion. This means you can talk about why the negative reasons weigh more than the plausible benefits. Why is it the after-effect of the lengthening of people's lives detrimental because of its burden? Does it not give sufficient return-of-investment for the people?  
  
Best of luck.