dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## who's the most responsible for the decline in crime?

  
  
*Some people think that the government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe that it is the responsibility of the individual to protect themselves. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.*  
  
In consideration of the fact of crime rate have been rising at alarming rate, Some argued that self-prevention of individual is the most efficient way to defend against crime. while I agreed that though there is a necessity for each individual to learn some self-dense techniques, the role of government is more significant in preventing crime.  
  
On the one hand, each individual is certainly responsible for crime prevention. It is true that everyone of us cannot guarantee that police can be presented all the time. Hence, mastering certain techniques such as kungfu, karate, boxing can definitely help an individual protect themselves from an unforeseen incidence of criminal activity. In Japan, attempts to mandatorily implement such a self-defense training in school have been caught out and they have achieved a visible outcome since students are independent and responsible enough for crime prevention.  
  
On the other hand, there is a limit to what an individual can do on their own, as crime are getting more intense and are posing a more considerable threat to society nowadays. Only government can make crime rate in check by enforcing a stringent rule regarding offenders and ensuring police department is proactive enough. I believe these definitely constitute visible deterrents to those needy minds and help reduce crime rate to a great extent. For example, while India are suffering from a constant increase of crime rate due to its lenient law and loose police department, other places such as middle east who with harsh penalty are having the lowest crime rate.  
  
In conclusion, I believe while each member of society is held accountable for crime prevention, government has a major responsibility in preventing crime.  
  
thank you for your reading! i will be really appreciate if you are willing to feedback :D
Proper nouns such as Kungfu are always capitalized. Since this is being spelled in the British English language, there are differences between the American and British word spelling that need to be noted. One of these differences is in the way the word self - defense (American) is spelled self - defence (British). Kindly remember that you cannot use a capital letter after a comma, unless stating a proper noun. You made this mistake in the essay presentation. I think you made a mistake with your punctuation mark, which is why this error was created.  
  
This is a 5 paragraph comparison and personal opinion discussion essay. You did not reflect that in the original prompt and you did not use the proper public point of view reference words in your body paragraphs. The combination would have automatically failed this essay in the TA section, thus causing you to fail the whole test. The correct paraphrase is:  
  
*Crime prevention is seen by most citizens as being part of local community governance. However, there are some community members who opine that personal safety is an individual issue. Since I have concerns regarding this discussion, I thought it best to consider the points of each discussion so that I can come to a personal conclusion regarding it.*  
  
This type of essay follows a 5 paragraph format composed of:  
- Paraphrase  
- POV 1 (Community safety supporters explain that...)  
- POV 2 :Normally the side you support (self-defence advocates support the idea that...)  
- Personal opinion (I support the discussion that indicates...)  
- Concluding summary  
  
If you review successful Task 2 essays, you will note that their conclusions do not contain personal opinions but instead, summarizes the body paragraphs prior to closing the discussion. In this instance, your essay is not concluded, even though you said "In conclusion" because there was no summary presented. You have to build your personal opinion in a prior paragraph first.
You have already received a comment on your structure, so I shall point out grammar mistakes that I have found.  
There is an incorrect usage of "self-prevention of individual", maybe you mean protection?  
"In consideration of the fact of crime rate have been rising..." should be "In consideration of the fact that crime rate has been rising", because it is the third form of the present perfect continuous tense.  
  
"Some argued..." should be "some argue..." because the question prompt uses the present continuous tense, so should you. Same problem with "while I agreed" which should be "while I agree..."  
  
"everyone of us cannot guarantee..." you use the pronoun incorrectly. You can say "No one can be guaranteed the...".  
"...as crime are getting more..." should be "...as crime is getting more...", because this is present continuous, third form.  
"to society" requires an indefinite article and should be "to a society".  
"Only government can make crime rate in check..." should be "only government can keep the crime in check..." because the correct idiom is "to keep something in check", which means to keep someone or something under control.  
  
Again, "India are suffering..." should be "India is suffering", because India is a country, and a country is a singular noun. Same with Middle East. Should be "Middle East, which is having..."
## Food standards in education

  
  
*Scientists agree that many people eat too much junk food and it is damaging their health. Some people think that this problem can be solved by educating people, while others believe that education will not work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.*  
  
In recent years, there are a large number of people having obsessed with junk food, therefore, researchers believe that this phenomenon will result in health problems. Although some people argue that such issues can be addressed through education, others hold opposite perspective on it. In this essay, I will breakdown both thoughts and state my own view.  
  
Advocates state that inculcating consumers with healthy dietary style is undoubtedly the best solution because of raising concerns on nutritional values. It is their view that a large proportion of customers ignores the fact that these unhealthy food is invariably high in sugar and salt. Nonetheless, with modest education, understanding the consequences of consuming an excessive amount of junk food can help them realise the importance of forming a wholesome dietary habit. As a result, they believe that consumers will ultimately alter their diet patterns by decreasing the frequencies of purchasing such merchandise or increasing the intake of greenery vegetables.  
  
However, opponents think that it is impossible to reduce individual's addiction to junk food merely by education. They believe that the vast majority of consumers clearly know the detrimental effects on health, however, because of its convenience and low cost, they cannot help being a slave to such products. In addition, they also insist that education will only have negligible effects if related national policies do not regulate the advertisements and promotions on junk food. For instance, government can pose higher taxations on these products and limit the content of junk food advertising, so that fewer customers will be attracted by relatively low prices and appealing marketing strategies.  
  
In conclusion, although education plays a significant role in ceasing people from overconsuming junk food, I firmly believe that it is inevitably never enough to resolve the issues. Concreted efforts should also be executed by national administrations.
You cannot include your opinion in the concluding paragraph because you are required to support your opinion with personal knowledge, experience, or public observations. In this case, you got the essay right for the first 3 presentations. Remember to count your paragraphs so that you will not forget to write a strong personal opinion. The essay requires two public opinion discussions, plus your point of view. So, if you add up everything you have to do with the essay, you end up with a 5 paragraph requirement. Each paragraph is represented as:  
  
- Paraphrase with restated discussion instructions  
- POV 1  
- POV 2  
- Personal opinion  
- Concluding restatement based on the preceding information.  
  
The last paragraph has to restate your opinion, provide a reminder of the 3 pov discussions by providing reworded topic sentences, then closing the essay with a tie-up sentence.  
  
Good job with your discussion though. It is clear even though there are still some grammar issues. It isn't too stressful for the reader to understand. You should keep practicing writing English sentences and watching English sub-titled movies to further improve your sentence development skills.
There are some problems with grammar:  
In your first sentence you used the perfect participle incorrectly, because this sentence should be describing the cause and the effect (which it is doing), and it should be the sentence where the subject is the same (which it is not doing since you changed the subject from a large number of people to researchers).  
  
Let me give you an example:  
Having finished dinner, the children were allowed to play.  
The perfect participle, "having finished" (having +V3), means "because and after they (children) finished dinner....". Therefore, you need to restructure this sentence based on correct grammar.  
  
"hold opposite perspective" requires an article and should be "hold an opposite perspective"  
"these unhealthy food" should either be "this unhealthy food" or "these unhealthy foods"  
"understanding the consequences" requires an article and should be "an understanding the consequences"  
"Realise" should be "realize"  
I believe what you mean by "they cannot help being a slave to such products" should be "they cannot help but be a slave to such products" which means "to have no choice except to do something".  
  
"Concreted efforts" should be "concrete efforts". I also think efforts cannot be executed. Maybe a better sentence "Concrete actions should be undertaken by national administrations".
## the comparison of three sectors of the economy

  
  
The bar chart compares different countries in terms of their employment rate among agriculture, services and industries from 1980 and the estimated figures until 2020  
  
Overall, the minority of job in agriculture is found in country A and C while country B makes up the highest figure in agriculture . The amount of job in services in all countries increase  
  
In 1980, about two-thirds of agriculture employment were from country B. Nearly 40% of industry job went to country C whereas the figures for country A and B were slightly lower. Regarding services, country C accounted for around seven in ten of job, which was twice times as much as that of country B  
  
In 2020, all countries are predicted to slowly rise in the amount of employment in services . By 2020, the propotion of agriculture job in country A and C will have remained unchanged, at roughtly 20% and just 5% respectively while country B is estimated to decrese by roughly 10% . The amount of industry job in country B is projected to grow to approximately 40% compared to 22% in country B. The figure for country A will decline from 30 to just over 20% in 2020  
  
*
Try to be more consistent with your time frame references. Since these measurements have already been completed, you are to present the information in the past tense mode. Creating confusion with regards to the time situation of the essay will create an incoherent and less cohesive paragraph and information presentation. So you will find yourself with severe GRA and LR points deductions in relation to this problem. The LR deductions will stem from the misrepresented meaning of the word being used (present instead of past tense).  
  
Let us not forget, you will also receive additional deductions due to your inability to use proper punctuation marks throughout your essay. You failed to use a full stop, also known as a period in several places within your presentation. Further LR deductions will be applied to the 3 misspelled words in your presentation (propotion = proportion, roughtly= roughly, decrese = decrease).  
  
These problems with your scores occurred because of one reason alone, you did not review, revise, and edit the paper you wrote. Always make it a practice to self-edit prior to the submission of your paper. You will kick yourself if you fail the test based on errors that could have been spotted and corrected prior to submitting the essay. Always leave at 3-5 minutes to do that. Your score will always be better for it.
## analysis of indian turtles population

  
  
The line graph illustrates the number of varied turtle types in India from 1980 to 2012. Unit is measured in index.  
  
Overall, during 32 years since 1980, there was a dramatic drop in the number of Leatherback Turtles. Olive Ridley Turtles in contrast, increased significantly in figures. The other two types of turtles (Green Turtles and all species) had their index fluctuated over the period.  
  
With regard to Leatherback Turtles, their population reached a peak of about 110 in 1987. Likewise, all species of turtle number had the same trend in this period. However, while the amount of all species turtle still remained nearly 110 in 2012, this index in Leatherback Turtles was a free fall (generally 60).  
  
Meanwhile, Olive Ridley Turtles population far exceeded to marginally 140 in 1997 until it reduced to relatively 130. In addition, the statistics of Green Turtles experienced a slight decrease recorded at 90 in the last year.  
  
*
Your paragraphs need to be consisted with at least 3 sentences to be considered full paragraphs. You have some presentations with only 2 sentences. That misses the minimum sentence mark. You have not written enough words to be accurately judged for the rest of the scoring requirements as well. With only 154 words, you wrote only 4 words over the minimum requirement. That limits your scoring potential based on all scoring considerations to only the slimmest passing potential. Try to write at least 175 words so that you will have a better chance of getting a passing mark or above passing mark on your next practice essay.  
  
You did a good job in presenting the basic information from the line graph. Though the grammar is faulty at times, your report is still understandable. However, you did not do comparison discussions where you could have to help increase your word count. The comparative discussions stem from the years when the populations for certain turtle species overlapped. That is the kind of information that helps you write more and highlight your ability to develop a coherent and cohesive report presentation. Try to do that next time.
## newspapers or internet as a source of information

  
  
Nowadays, Information technology are more and more developing as a source of information and studying. Thank for information technology, human life become better about standard and awareness. Many people read the news on the internet but some people think that the main source of the news will be remained for the majority of people by the newspaper. I completely agree with this idea.  
  
First of all, almost big newspapers are allowed by government. This big newspapers have editorial office, license and have the best reporters to gain the highest results in work. Therefore, newspapers supply many information are exact, sure, fast and convenient for everyone leaning and reading .  
  
Secondly, although internet transmit information faster than newspaper but in a newspaper ,amount information consist all aspects of daily life and all trades in society as financial sector, service industry, agriculture, entertainment,... While the news on the internet are divided many spices and have many sources different, unknown. This can cheat user on the internet so newspaper are more reputation and truster than the news on the internet.  
  
Finally, some people are very poor in our society. They don't have enough money to buy a smart phone, laptop or computer to access internet for reading news. This is difficult for everyone can enrich their knowledge and creates inequality among people about academic level.  
  
To sum up, everyone in society need be empharsised on newspaper to have more and more knowledge, awareness and conscious. It makes our country will be developed about all aspects and among people will be existed friendly atmosphere. I believe newspaper which the easiest for everyone follow to reading.
There is a great degree of difficulty in relation to understanding the text of the paragraphs you have written. The problem comes from how you structured the English sentences and the type of words / vocabulary that you used in the creation of the presentation. I believe that you have this problem because you tried to use equivalent words in English from your native language. In addition to that, you do not have enough English vocabulary knowledge to know when you are not using the correct translated word in the sentence. One of the most confusing presentations in your essay is:  
  
*While the news on the internet are divided many spices and have many sources different, unknown.*  
  
This is a hanging sentence that is lacking a secondary subject. The word "While" is often used to connect 2 related but different discussions. It is best not to use it at the start of a sentence or paragraph because it creates a confusing sentence presentation.  
  
The internet is not divided into "spices". It is divided into spaces or sections. Spices are used in cooking. What exactly did you mean by "... sources different, unknown." ? The correct sentence structure, represented with clarity is: News on the internet is divided into many sections, it also has many different and unknown sources.  
  
There are several other problems with your essay but I thought it best to focus on the main problem that will make you fail the test. In my observation, you require additional English comprehension exercises and grammar exercises before you can go back to trying to write essays. If you cannot construct proper English sentences, you will end up failing the test. Right now, your English is at the beginner level, which means you have a long way to go before you can properly express yourself in English.
## households in owned and rented accommodation in England and Wales

  
  
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of English and Welsh households with and without accommodation from 1981 to 2001.  
  
Overall, it is noticed that households in temporary accommodation is significantly higher than households in owned accommodation on the first half of the period. However, on the second half of the timescale, owned accommodation replaced rented one to become preference of family in England and Wales.  
  
With regard to households in rented accommodation, they accounted for around 75% in 1918, this proportion then dropped dramatically to 50% in 1971 before reaching the bottom of just over 30% in 2001. Despite the drop, it managed to slightly recover to 35% 10 years after 1971.  
  
On the other hand, initially families living in owned house were minorities, at around 22% in 1918. This trend generally rose for the next 53 years with the year 1918 when with-accommodation households overtook households living in rented accommodation in percentage terms, at 60% and 40% respectively.  
  
*
Do not use terms of uncertainty in an essay that requires you to be precise with your data presentation. Remember, this essay is based on a measured bar graph, with actual numerical references, use those details only. Don't create uncertainty when there is no need to to so. Each paragraph should be composed of at least 3 sentences. That is the minimum sentence requirement per paragraph, with a maximum of 5. You could have easily achieved a higher word count and a better GRA score if you had use the 3 sentence presentation for the paragraphs. Instead, you opted to go the run-on sentence route, which created cohesiveness and coherence problems in your presentation.  
  
Using one sentence topic per paragraph, explained using connected data will always give more chances for your writing to be considered on a higher score bracket for the scoring considerations. In this instance, you lost points instead. Practice using periods in place of commas. You will see that when you use a period, you create a break in the presentation that helps enhance the clarity of the discussion, and also allows the reader to better understand what you have to read. By creating a page skimming friendly presentation, you could very well boost your overall scores.
## The charts below show local government expenditure in 2010 and 2015.

  
***Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.  
Write at least 150 words.***  
  
The given pie chart makes a comparison of the government's spending on nine various areas between 2010 and 2015.  
  
It is clear that, while education accounted for the majority of the expenditure, others contained the lowest percentage in both years.  
  
As can be seen from the chart, the four most enormous fields that the government spent were as follows: education, healthcare, pensions, and defence. Almost a quarter of expenditure was for education in 2010 and about one - fifth in 2015. The most striking point to note is that the figure for pensions was remained steady, at 19% in the following five years. At the same time, defence experienced a considerable drop from 17% to 14%.  
  
Out of the nine areas, the proportion of welfare and interest on borrowing was the only which saw a dramatic rise, by exactly 5% from 8% and 5% respectively. On the other hand, transport, culture and leisure and other took up 6% of the expenditure in total in 2010, as doubled as the figure in the next five years.  
  
*
Your summary overview does not contain complete information. The 9 areas of comparison in relation to the comparison years should be presented. You also did not reference the measurement type in the summary, which is a required presentation. There is no clear trending statement indicated in your presentation as well. You have at least two run on sentences in this presentation. Some of your presentations do not complete the 3 sentence minimum requirement for each paragraph. You are using words of uncertainty in the essay when each measurement is given precisely in the pie charts. Your presentation could have been better and, contrary to the above scoring assumption, students are not allowed to score fellow students at this forum because students are not qualified nor trained to score these essays, you did not write an above average scoring essay.