dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Many foods are shipped from far away.

  
***Some people think that eating local foods is more environmentally and economically. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?***  
  
Various categories of foods are transported overseas, while a few individuals opine that consuming their regional food is not harmful to the environment and gain financial benefits. Despite some obvious cons of this trend, I believe that these are outweighed by the pros.  
  
On the one hand, there are a number of major drawbacks when consuming a wide range of local foods. The first drawback is that customers will be more fastidious because of the popularity of local flavor dishes. As a result, the food and beverage industry will face challenges in satisfying their local customers like changing the recipe, and ingredients,... it also means that this action will take time, and money also.  
  
On the other hand, I believe that the benefits are more significant than such drawbacks. there are several major benefits when consuming inter foods. The first advantage is that consumers can stimulate their nation's economy and save a budget that spending on food. This is because the price of local foods is always affordable due to the common ingredients of their country, and by purchasing a product of a restaurant, the customers are likely to create a working environment and raise income for the workers. The second reason is that consuming local foods is likely a solution to protect the environment. To be specific, it is clear that we can reduce the emissions from transportation like airplanes, ships, and railways,... due to their people's needs.  
  
In conclusion, I would argue that the appearance of local foods brings more benefits than drawbacks.
The opening sentence presents an opposite meaning from what the writer actually meant. The sentence indicates that the country exports food. He wanted to relate it to importation of food. This error shows that the writer is not used to thinking and writing in English. His LR problem is evident in the wong sentence implication. The second sentence is a hanging one as it does not have a fully developed thought process. It is indicative of a lack of sentence structure control. The writer needs to perfect his sentence writing abilities and develop correct vocabulary usage simultaneously. The only part he got right is the opinion response. That does not mean the essay will get a passing score though. Far from it.  
  
His discussion fformat is not correct either He is using a comparative discussion where the required format is a single opinion, 2 supporting reason paragraph. The non-writer opinion supporting paragraph will not be scored. The essay is going to be considered under-developed and will not receive a passing score.  
  
There are more problems visible in this essay that will cause a failing overall score. As this in the writer's first attempt, he cannot be expected to produce a passing score essay yet. He should be closer to a passing score, if notpassing already with his next test.
## The ancient outlooks

  
  
The older generations tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful and prepare younger generations for modern life. To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
  
Nowadays, globalization and technology development have changed almost every aspect of human life. As a result, it can be adopted that some traditional values are no longer accepted with the lifestyles of youngsters. While I agree that certain traditional ideas are outdated, I still believe that those views are still useful even in modern life.  
  
On the one hand, some of the ideas of older generations about lifestyle and human behaviors are becoming less suitable for youngsters. To cite an example, old people advised to have stability in working and marriage, those are considered as a success in life according to them. Meanwhile, younger generations have a tendency to choose freelance employment , which offers flexible workload and freedom of workspace. At the same time, being-single culture is becoming the measure of success instead of getting married. Additionally, the difference of - in social responsibility between two generations can be seen clearly in gender. Females are excelling in every profession such as politics, economy and medicine,etc.The traditional roles of men as breadwinners and women as housewives are not the case anymore.  
  
On the other hand, saving money and contingency costs are always the truth advised by the older generations. Opposed to the YOLO lifestyle of young people, the saving budgets can solve the emergency situations in human life. This viewpoint will be illustrated by Covid-19 disease, which affects the global finance and economy by joblessness, social distancing and the rise of medicine spendings. Meanwhile, almost all youngsters are getting into debt because of their overspending, the older people still overcome the disease without the lack of budget. As a result, financial safety is the traditional idea that should be maintained in this modern life.  
  
In conclusion, some of the ancient outlooks are becoming irrelevant in this new era. In spite of that, many traditional ideas still stand true, and should be kept, practiced by young generations.
There are 2 opposing points of view in the original prompt that refer to specific groups. These groups must be identified as a part of the prompt restatement. These missing references make the rewording unacceptable. It changed the discussion topic source but retained a portion of the theme. Meanwhile, the writer's opinion is not properly formatted and does not correctly answer the question provided. The extent response in not represented. The response preview further heightens the prompt disconnection of the paraphrasing to the point of a preliminary failing score.  
  
There are also GRA problems in relation to dash (-) usage. This seems to be one of the writer's favorite punctuation marks, but heis not familiar with when to (not) use it:  
  
1. Use to join independent clauses  
2. Indicate non-essential information  
3. Offset sentence lists  
4. Create sentence emphasis  
  
The dashes were not used in the above indicated scenarios and are therefore, punctuation errors.  
  
The use of the YOLO reference without a translation for the reader makes it confusing to read for people not familiar with modern English parlance. Always give the acronym meaning first and place the acronym in a parenthesis.
At almost 500 words, this is no longer an IELTS essay but a class opinion paper. An IELTS task 2 essay should not number more than 300 words due to the limited time allowance for completing the response. That is what the writer should be focusing on, a simple, straightforward, easy to understand answer or opinion presentation. The one thing the Task 2 essay is not is an excessively worded opinion presentation. Keep it short, direct to the point, and understandable. That is all the task requires the writer to accomplish.  
  
In fact, this essay does not even follow the prompt requirements for the task. There is no prompt restatement and opinion presentation in the first paragraph. The writer followed an academic paper format rather than the comprehension skills presentation scoring consideration. The discussion for the task 2 essay does not start in the first paragraph. The writer is definitely unfamiliar with the writing requirements, format, and scoring considerations of the task. He overdid it to the point where the essay will not get a passing score because of the ignored demands of the exam.  
  
I will not review this work at this point since I cannot honestly comment on an essay that does not contain the correct writing needs of the task. I will await the next essay of this writer, which hopefully will follow the IELTS Task 2 writing standards, and review that paper honestly instead.
@anmolwrites  
I'm just informing in advance, I'm not a professional adviser. Just my opinion!!!  
  
From my point of view, I think you can shorten the first paragraph to at most three sentences according to sample essays I have read. First one would be paraphrasing the question. **Second** one would be your opinion, joining with your thesis statement which might be *your reasons* or **Second** sentence can be just comparing your opinion against the opposite. if so, the following paragraphs will be **1st** be opposite opinion **2nd**your choice  
  
And finally conclusion is usually one sentence of alternative paraphrasing of question again with a little of touch up.
## "wonderful experience"

  
  
In this modern era, humans -being have invented thousand of helpful inventions to improve the quality of our life. Creating a new invention or making our dreams come true, we have to work hard every day from the morning until night but the salary is still not increased more have a promotion, and that is the reason why we choose to explore the world more by taking extreme activities. They called it a "wonderful experience" to try at least once in our life. In addition, they feel bored since their work keeps repeated like a circulation, it does not have new ideas or fascinating points to make them feel enthusiastic to increase their productivity. Nowadays, we can see that there are plenty of companies that organize extreme activities for tourist who likes the thrilling experience. Unlike other sports, we just need to prepare some pieces of equipment, but they can be found in a sports shop and are very cheap to buy. In contrast, if we want to try mountain climbing, we need to have an expert or a guide to instruct us on which types of equipment to buy, how do we get to the destination and the most crucial thing is our safety. If we skip that step, an opportunity of having an accident is likely to happen more than ever.  
  
Even though it costs a much higher amount of money to try, it is an unforgettable experience for us. As far as I can tell, the number of people who want to try this is still not much like the other kinds of sports due to its price to maintain and the time we have to consume. Moreover, it is a good activity since it can give us the brave to do new things that we have never tried. For instance, artificial climbing mountain gives me a different feeling from other activities, I was hooked on it and spent nearly an hour satisfying my curiosity. In sum, adolescents or adults who are bored with their daily life should see this as a new experience to try.
Several formatting problems can immediately be seen even before the actual essay is read. This will prove to be scoring problems if left uncorrected.  
  
1. Almost 400 words written. The writer has not used a 40 minute timer when writing this essay. Such a word count cannot be achieved in an actual test setting.  
  
2. There is no real prompt restatement + personal opinion presentation at the start. An immediate discussion without a proper introduction was used instead.  
  
3. The response format in incorrect. The expected 4 paragraph discussion presentation was not used in the essay.  
  
There 3 mistakes alone are enough to ensure a failing score. I can't even go into the lexical resource and sentence presentation errors at this point. There are just too many negatives for a single review to complete. There is no passing merit for this essay.  
  
The writer just kept writing hoping that the length will be enough to pass the test. Unless the discussion follows the scoring requirements, the essay will fail regardles of the word count. He simply did not understand the writing instructions as provided. He wrote what he wanted instead, which will lead to a final failing score. Write what you are told to write about next time. Make an effort to read and understand the topic + discussion directions.
**Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things.  
Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it.  
## Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.**  
*Write at least 250 words*  
  
In recent years, the exponential growth of e-commerce and entertainment online platforms leading to an exponentially flourishing advertisement industry is particularly effective at influencing consumers purchasing decisions. Therefore, while some argue that advertisements have become so commonplace that customers are no longer affected by them, I agree with those who believe that advertising nowadays is still exceedingly powerful.  
  
On the one hand, it is true that social media platforms bombard users with tremendous amounts of advertising. The most noticeable aspect of the appearance of these advertisements is that it is based on extraordinary marketing strategies of marketing companies. For example, if we search for a bag on Google, we will see constantly repeated commercials about bags on our Facebook page. The administrators of social media networks are continuously observing us via our touchpoints and internet searches and provide relevant adverts based on this information, promoting clients' purchasing decisions. That is why commercializing products through the media and other billboards continues to be a common attract public attention. Hence, I absolutely agree with the advertising' overwhelming in influencing us to buy.  
  
On the other hand, it could be argued that the magical power of advertising has begun to fade through a negative attitude of individuals since they have been aware of the unreliableness of ads. Some brand marketers generally tend to polish the sales message to attract and motivate customers to purchase their products. Unfortunately, customers cannot experience usage and file complaints on social networking sites or entertainment online platforms such as Tiktok. Because of the constant growth and pervasiveness of social media, individuals believe these feedbacks and lose faith in commercials, especially in the cosmetics industry.  
  
To conclude, while ordinary citizens are likely to have a negative perspective toward advertising, advertisers are nevertheless able to discover potential buyers because of the massive data they have. As the result, I feed it still productive since it develops a desire in people to purchase products.
Never place the thesis statement at the start of the essay. It creates a prompt deviation when incorrectly placed in the paragraph. The information contained should follow the format below:  
  
Topic  
POV 1  
POV 2  
Personal Opinion  
Reason/ Thesis statement  
  
The above format ensures both task accuracy and a better preliminary score for the essay. This shows a clear writer's opinion using a sound reasoning basis.  
  
There is an incorrect pronoun usage in the paragraphs. The public opinion discussion always uses the third person reference. This is because the writer should be presenting an unbias analysis of the public perception first. When using his,personal opinion the only acceptable personal pronoun is in the first person singular since it is a direct reference to the writer's point of view.  
  
The error in discussion format is what will prevent a passing score. The discussion does not clearly divide the public from the private opinion presentation for each viewpoint.
***Due to the popularity of photo sharing websites, it's no longer necessary to have framed pictures or printed photo albums.  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?**  
**Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.***  
  
In this day and age, with the craze for photo sharing websites, printed photo albums or framed pictures have taken a back seat and are deemed as obsolete. From my perspective, though these tangible memories are nowhere near as convenient or popular as their counterparts, classic photo albums still play an indispensable role and have irrefutable meanings in our lives.  
  
To commence with, photo albums stir up a sense of nostalgia and act as meaningful presents. Just imagine you are parents of an inquisitive four-year-old child, an album is probably the best thing you can show them. A long-lasting album is not a mere object but a key witness to our changes in lives from newborn's first moments to family reunion or university graduation. Were you to feel lonely or desperate in life, a printed album would pave the way for a chance to reminisce about the good old days. Moreover, not only does it generate the feeling of nostalgia, it is also a thoughtful gift that will stand the test of time and together celebrate memorable moments. How great would it be if there were a soulmate accompanying us in our lives.  
  
Lastly, printed photo albums outdo the social sharing sites in terms of credibility and longevity. It is common for the conventional community to regard photo sharing websites as forever. While there is some truth to this claim, we also need to prepare for the worst scenario and consider the likelihood of these websites' changing their retention settings or being hacked. Technology is evolving day by day but the photo album will be there forever, it will not disappear out of nowhere unless you destroy or do not take good care of it.  
  
In short, the classic printed photo album has promising benefits such as longevity, credibility and a past witness. Therefore, it is nonsensical to underestimate its value and stop using it due to the popularity of photo sharing websites.
Do not focus on over-explaining the reasoning paragraphs. Remember that the 40 minute task only allows foI the following time breakdown:  
  
10 minutes - question analysis  
10 minutes - brainstorming and discussion paragraph outline  
10 minutes - draft writing  
10 minutes - editing, proofreading, final copy preparation  
  
One cannot simply wing it and keep writing without giving thought to the score increasing writing actions. The time allotment above focuses on those considerations.  
  
The prompt restatement is accurate. It is creatively developed. No problem there. It is the extent response format that was not met due to the lack of a measured response. Good job on the reasoning basis presentation though. Too bad that deductions need to be applied because of the incorrect response format.  
  
Use topic sentences to anchor the paragraphs. That will clearly present the paragraph focus and add to the C + C considerations overall.
## **As major cities in the world are growing today, so do their problems.**

  
*What are the problems for young people who are living in the cities as the result of continued growth? What are the solutions for these problems?*  
  
It is common these days for young dwellers, particularly those living in metropolitan areas, to overcome plenty of issues. This tendency leads to the youngster in such areas experiencing some mental health problems and an increasing unemployment rate. However, each school and individual can take to address these problems.  
  
Some young people will have some mental health problems when live in urban cities. The people who in rural areas want to pursue higher education or work in urban cities so they may live alone in strange places. Therefore youngsters may experience feelings of loneliness, isolation and worry. In addition, young people could bear the weight of paying all household bills and responsibilities because of the higher cost of living but miss out on emotional support from families or companions. These can contribute to being linked to mental health and other health problems.  
  
Regarding fresh graduates, ones can meet difficulties in seeking a decent job without experience and facing intensive competitiveness. Others struggle with working in a professional work environment where never exposure before. This can result in an increasing natural unemployment rate which deprives (the) economy.  
  
These problems can be tackled by two measures. Considering the first issue, there is a need for young people to take part in extracurricular activities to widen ones' network and horizons. Another measure that young people should stay connected on social media is by joining social platforms which connect strangers and share photos and stories, such as Omegle, Facebook, Tinder, etc. The second problem can be addressed thanks to schools. With organizing practical training classes in public. In this sense, final-year students can get exposure to teachers with practical experiences. These facilities to children have an overview in reality.  
  
In conclusion, although the trend towards constant development in metropolitans leads to posing a threat to young people's mental health and job prospects. It is essential for each individual to keep up with other on social platform. There is a need for schools to arrange a practical classes for senior students.
This is an essay was written without the benefit of time constraints. Had the writer practiced with a timer present, he would have discovered that this word count cannot be achieved when quality checks are performed on the draft copy. The essay needs to be clear in message but less verbose.  
  
The above advice will only work if the discussion presented is on topic, containing coherent discussion points, and a convincing series of reasons. So, what is the biggest problem of this essay? It went off topic the minute the incoherent prompt restatement was written. It ended with a discussion regarding social media and social connections. Topics that never figured in the original presentation. This will definitely receive a failing score.
## People have different views on whether we should pursue one job or not.

  
***This essay will look into both sides of the matter before my final conclusion is drawn.***  
  
On the one hand, doing one job derives numerous merits, the most notable of which is the higher work productivity. Having only one post entitles us to focus more on that job, which considerably contributes to occupation proficiency. Furthermore, doing more than one job means you need excellent time management skills to fulfill all jobs well. To illustrate, when I was an undergraduate, I used to work as a receptionist while having a part-time job at a local restaurant. Lack of efficient management ability made me incapable of balancing my two occupations, which led to an inefficient working performance.  
  
On the other hand, it is justifiable for some to pursue several jobs at the same time, mainly due to the higher income. As some people choose to do their dream job regardless of its low salary, having another job is a must if they want to pay for living expenses as well as satisfy their needs. For instance, many teenagers nowadays are taking advantage of multiple jobs to earn extra income to please their leisure and personal interests. This not only improves their living standard but also boosts their motivation to work harder.  
  
In conclusion, although only one occupation may seem beneficial, having several jobs is worth considering. It is my conviction that we should consider thoroughly in order to find the optimal type of work.
The writer needs to provide a more detailed prompt restatement and personal opinion presentation. This first paragraph does not meet all of the paraphrasing and opinion requirements. The summarized discussion points are not worthy of full scoring. The discussion outline is missing.  
  
The personal opinion was first established when it should have been the last presentation. The general public perception discussion for the 2 public opinions are not present as required by the discussion prompt. This is an inefficient discussion presentation that may not receive passing requirements.  
  
Even the reverse paraphrase in the concluding paragraph does not meet the necessary guidelines. The writer has not provided a format responsive essay. It will be difficult for this type of work to get a passing score.