dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hi, everyone! I recently joined this forum as I planned to take IELTS test at the end of this month.  
I have written an IELTS essay and I would appreciate any comment. Thank you in advance.  
  
## Evaluation of information technology effects

  
  
**Q: In the last 20 years there have been significant developments in the field of information technology (IT), for example the World Wide Web and communication by email. However, these developments in IT are likely to have more negative effects than positive in the future. To what extent do you agree with this view?**  
  
Information technology (IT) is arguably one of the fields that has seen the biggest change in the last two decades. It would meet much bigger change as it is predicted that the recent technology of IT has shown that Artificial Intelligence (AI), technology that enables a machine to function like a human being, and automation, technology that makes things work automatically with very little input from people that use them, are ready to be put for use in a year or two. While both future technologies would offer great advantages to society, they are also predicted to have more drawbacks. This essay will explore both the positive effects and negative effects of the future IT development, specifically with the implementation of AI and Automation.  
  
With the use of AI and automation, IT would bring more benefits to society, not only on everyday life but also on business. Firstly, it would simplify the way people live. With these technologies ahead of us, we can expect automated self-driving cars where the drivers only need to tell them where to go and then relax. Next, it would provide effective and efficient solutions to corporations. For example, every company can aim to be high-performance by employing cheaper-than-human robots being programmed based on their best employees.  
  
However, the implementation of AI and automation also has negative impacts in the future. Examples being mentioned in the previous paragraph, self-driving cars and robot installation, have their own drawbacks in return. Technologies like cars being able to drive itself would make people lazy and dependent. As a result, they would create a society who needs constant help for everything. Also, the use of robots in workplace would likely eliminate jobs for humans in the future. If robots are proven to be cheaper and more productive than humans, there will be no reason to hire any more human workers in workplace.  
  
In conclusion, the future IT with the implementation of AI & automation would be beneficial to society, both on everyday life and on work-related stuff. However, it would also bring downsides in return.
You changed the prompt discussion instruction so this essay clearly does not meet the prompt discussion requirements. As you can see from the outline below, your mistake in understanding the discussion reason and discussion instruction is what created this problem.  
  
Discussion Topic: In the last 20 years there have been significant developments in the field of information technology (IT)  
Discussion Reason: these developments in IT are likely to have more negative effects than positive in the future  
Discussion Instruction: To what extent do you agree with this view?  
  
Your version was:  
Discussion Topic: Information technology (IT) is arguably one of the fields that has seen the biggest change in the last two decades.  
Discussion Reason: While both future technologies would offer great advantages to society, they are also predicted to have more drawbacks.  
Question Response: This essay will explore both the positive effects and negative effects of the future IT development, specifically with the implementation of AI and Automation.  
  
Your essay focuses on the wrong aspect of the discussion. AI is not the focus, the focus is on the rising negative effects of IT in the future. The response was to have to explain the extent of your agreement with the point of view. Funny, I believe that the instruction is for you to show your extent of agreement or disagreement, whatever. Regardless, your response is totally wring. Your discussion slant is incorrect. It does not follow the provided instructions and discussion topic focus. This is not an essay that will get a passing score.
Hii every one. I have writen an IELTS essay, and I really appreciate any comment!  
  
## the content of News media

  
  
Q:  
**Nowadays, there is a trend that reports of media focus on problems and emergencies rather than positive development. Some people think it is harmful to individuals and to society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Nowadays news, including various fields such as crime or technology, is more reported in comparison with the past because of developing news resources. To address to concentrate on difficulties and emergencies, however, has sometimes adverse effects on persons and the community, I strongly agree that reporting this news has its own benefits.  
  
To begin with, while watching and reading news about occasions that are unpleasant to people in which can depress them, obviously knowing about this kind of news gives them a sense of awareness. In fact, reporting news such as crime and offense people causes individuals' general knowledge to increase and definitely behave consciously. To exemplify this, illegal drugs trade and using these drugs by teenager helps parents be more careful of their children.  
  
Furthermore, actually, deal with problems that happened around persons and solving difficulties is another noticeable reason why focusing on crisis news is markable. When people and governments aware of a catastrophe that occurs in other location or even in other countries can aid to people who fall in trouble to solve their problems. For illustration, a rural area that can destroy by a natural disaster like an earthquake if broadcast globally in media, people across the world send their donation to rebuilding and feeding to that area people. A vivid example of this news and people helping is the Sarpolezahab earthquake, a region in the west of Iran in which experienced an extreme earthquake about two years ago.  
  
Finally, the other considerable result of lack of concentration to trouble news is increasing of the illegal act and delinquent persons in a society. In fact, when offenders do not introduce in news programs or newspapers, it may be encouraged persons who attend wrongdoing. For example, some lawbreakers shame that is on the headline of news and broadcasting the world, so do not focus on bad news increase the number of people who commit the crime.  
  
In conclusion, albeit the negative aspect of unpleasant news has some drawbacks in human life, in my opinion, the advantages of having information about bad events outweigh the drawbacks.
Hi, I believe you tried all your best to write this essay. It is quite obvious with topic sentences in each paragraph and shows your knowledge and ability to use vocabulary.  
  
However, in my opinion, it could be better if you focus on explaining your ideas clearer and more detailed. Sometimes, I just feel a little lack of persuasion as the body 1 & 3. And the essay might be too long, I just worry you would be lack of time in the real test.  
  
Hope that you will pass your exam! good luck
Your prompt restatement fails to present an understandable idea or representation of the original prompt. This is the most problematic part of your essay that will gain it a score of 1. While your response is properly formatted, the paraphrasing is unclear and does not deliver an explanation that is understandable to the reader.  
  
The rest of the response paragraphs suffer the same problem. Each paragraph is confusing to read. You not capable of developing cohesive ideas. You lack proper sentence structuring which proves that you do not have any organizational control over your thought process and writing (in English). This is clearly seen because you have a problem with controlling your word usage within sentences.  
  
The essay is not going to get a passing score mainly because the total presentation is incomprehensible. You need to better build your vocabulary and devote more time to simple sentence skills development first.
Hi everyone! I will really appreciate if you can leave some comments on this essay based on the marking criteria of IELTS.  
  
Can anyone please estimate the band score for this essay too? (e.g. should be above 5.5, etc)  
  
## The graph analysis task

  
  
**The graph below shows the proportions of workers in three different sectors in South Korea between 1981 and 2011.**  
  
*Word Count: 190*  
  
The line graph above shows the changes in South Korea's figures for 3 sectors of employment between 1981 and 2011. The units are in percentages.  
  
Overall, it is clear that there were great shifts in the employment rates of workers in the service and agriculture sectors, meanwhile, the industrial workforce remains relatively stable. Despite the changes, workers in the service sector always dominated South Korea's total workforce.  
  
Looking at the graph more closely, in 1981, the gaps between the 3 job sectors were minimal. The labor market's shares between service, agriculture, and industry were 39%, 33%, and 28% respectively. Between 1981 and 1991, small upward growths were seen in the service and industry sectors, each increased by 5%, whereas the other declined, down to 20%.  
  
In the next 20 years, service was the only employment sector to gain proportions. It surged dramatically and reached almost 70% of the total workforce in 2011. In contrast, the portion of agricultural workers plummeted rapidly and hit 7% by the end of the period. After 1991, the industry sector went through a downward trend and back near to its original starting point of 26%.  
  
*
Before I get started, I would to caution you against using any online grammar checker. These are not effective in detecting grammatical errors, neither are these capable of examining your work in the manner that an actual examiner may. Only a human being can do that. So using any grammar checker is not going to be good for you. Simply correcting grammar, without the advise of a human on the other end, will not be useful to you. Anybody who advises the use of a grammar checker is probably being paid by that company to advertise their service, which is not allowed at this forum and anybody who does that, automatically gets banned from using this forum.  
  
Whoever advises the use of a grammar checker does not have your best interests at heart.  
  
Your summary overview is short by 1 sentences. It does not list the areas being measured. It is because of that missing list that your paragraph does not meet the sentence requirement. Aside from the missing information though, the overview is complete enough. In other words, it is good, but can be better. Additionally, the task 1 essay is composed of no more than 3 paragraphs. So you need to learn to say more using less words. Compress your report via comparisons, and shortened information listings. The trending statement should be the last sentence of the summary overview. It is only 1 sentence, not a whole paragraph unto itself.  
  
You have too many run - on sentences in your presentation. You have to utilize the full stop more so that you can create proper comparison sentences and information listings. If you want to score better in the GRA section, show that you can also use other punctuation marks other than the period and comma. Use a semi-colon, a parenthesis, percentage marks, among other punctuation marks you can use in each paragraph.  
  
There are some problem sentence presentations but these do not create a problem in understanding what you are saying. The main problem, is that you are not separating your information presentations, which make it difficult to follow your train of thought and explanation. Based on these observations, I will give you a score of 5. I base this score on the following information:  
  
- The essay is clear but the presentations could use further development.  
- There is no comparison presentation for the overlapping information in the chart  
- You appear to have 2 trending statements when there should only be one.  
- There is a problem with the sentence count and structure that affects the paragraph formatting overall.
@Holt  
Thank you so much for providing me the detailed comments on my essay. I am really grateful for your recommendation of writing strategies. Actually I have written the essay by hand and re-type the essay for the sake of uploading online, but I have completed the two writing tasks within the one-hour time limit. Concerning the corrections, it is true that I didn't leave time for proof-reading. After reading your comments, I think I have written too much for the essay and I should spare some time for self-editing and proof-reading. My pre-writing strategy is a bit immature as well probably because this is the first time I did the writing tasks.  
  
However, I have two more follow-up questions concerning your comments.  
  
There is one aspect in your comments where I am confused. You said that I should include the reason for the discussion, but what does it mean actually? Does it mean that I should explain for the reasons why the discussion is important? E.g. Given the fact that immigration has become more common due to globalization, Ones should consider whether they are competent enough to speak a second language in order to survive in a foreign country?  
  
Also, you have mentioned that a rephrased topic is needed. Does it mean that a topic is always required for task 2?  
  
Thank you again for your comments. They are really useful and I will improve my writing through this directions.
## Computers - the most important invention of the last hundred years

  
  
It is argued that computers have been the most crucial invention for the last centuries. Anyway, I totally agree with this opinion because computers have a lot of these positive aspects.  
  
Firstly, computers are used for many leisure activities. Nowadays, people have to work and study a lot, so they become more stressed than in the past. As a result, their demands of doing leisure activities like watching the film, listening to music, ... are increasing. These activities also need computers, we do these activities by computers.  
  
Secondly, computers help us a lot in work and study because it is useful. For example, you have to report something and send it to your school or your company, you can send them by many social media like Facebook, Zalo, .... without meeting face-to-face. Or you have to do a thesis but you do not have any knowledge about that field and you could not go to many places to receive information for your writing, you can search on computers for many ideas for your dissertation.  
  
Thirdly, computers are capable of storing and accessing huge amounts of information; for example, a computer's software like eBook readers can store hundreds or thousands of books, given enough storage capacity. By being able to store books, documents, movies, pictures, and songs digitally, you can quickly find what you need with a search and share information between devices, so it eliminates the need for paper and plastics used to make non-digital versions of the media.  
  
To sum up, in my opinion, computers have a lot of good aspects that we can explore. Computers are the most important invention of the last hundred years.  
  
*
... invention ~~for~~ of the last centuries. ~~Anyway,~~ I totally agree ... have a lot of ~~these~~ positive aspects.  
  
... their demands of ~~doing leisure activities~~ entertainment like watching ~~the~~ film, listening to music~~, ...~~ are increasing. These activities ~~also need computers, we do these activities~~ are mainly performed on ~~by~~ computers.  
  
...and study ~~because it is useful~~. For example, you can ~~have to~~ ~~report something and~~ send ~~it~~ reports to ... company~~, you can send them~~ ~~by many~~ via social media like Facebook, Zalo~~, ....~~ without ... ~~Or~~ you have to do a ... and you ~~could~~ cannot go to many places to ~~receive~~ collect information for ... search on ~~computers~~ the internet for ~~many~~  ideas ~~for your dissertation~~.  
  
... can store ~~hundreds or~~ thousands of books, given ~~enough~~  its vast ...  
... between devices~~, so~~ . This ~~it~~ eliminates ... ~~and plastics used to ... of the media~~ in storage.  
  
... aspects that ~~we can explore~~ benefit people. Therefore, Computers are ...  
  
Recommendation  
- Work more on your opening and closing paragraph. A proper introduction should include background sentence, detailed background sentence, thesis and outline. A conclusion should include a summary and restatement of thesis.  
  
- Avoid using first-person pronouns which make your essay sound less objective.  
- Work more on grammar and punctuation.  
- Avoid informal language and replace "..." by "just to name a few".
1.It might be better to state brief and clear explanation about what kind of positive aspect of computer as to make your reader understand your idea. Two ideas with well developed body paragraph is more preferable than you give three ideas.  
  
2.Body Paragraph :  
- learn again about how to make simple sentence, complex sentence, and compound complex sentences.  
- to make clear and well develop body paragraph, you can follow this structure: 1) state your topic sentence, 2) give your reason, 3) the implication of your idea 4) example that comprise 5W+1H  
  
3.Conclusion :  
Lear about how to make good pharaphrase from the introduction paragraph and giving short opinion/ suggestion about this topic as to avoid the repetition
You should have presented the reason as to why the computers are considered the most important invention of the last century. All of the original prompts include the following:  
  
- Topic  
- Reason  
- Discussion instruction  
  
You provided only the topic and response to the question. The reason is missing. Which is why the paragraph did not meet the 3 -5 sentence requirement. The prompt paraphrase you presented is incomplete as per the scoring requirements.  
  
When you form these sentences, always keep an academic tone. Using the word "anyway" connotes a casual discussion rather than an academic discussion. Never use words that connote casualness and uncertainty in your presentation. You are expected to write a response similar to a classroom based response paper, so do not use casual references in your sentences. Maintain a formal tone throughout.  
  
The essay should have only 2 reasoning discussions to create a 4 paragraph essay. A 5 paragraph essay is used only in comparison with personal point of view discussions. As such, you have really too many words, which resulted in more than several errors in grammar and sentence development. The increased word count focus, rather than the appropriate word count forced uncorrected errors in your presentation. Always concentrate on a clear discussion with a cleaned up word presentation rather than an extremely long but error filled essay. You should do well enough writing only 275-290 words.  
  
The concluding summary should be longer than a single sentence. The expectation is that you will present the following previous information in that section:  
- Restate the topic  
- Deliver reason 1  
- Address reason 2  
- Repeat your opinion as the closing line.
## WRITING LETTER TO THE TOUR OPERATOR

  
  
You saw a brochure for a one-week walking tour in the mountains. You're very interested in taking part, but you're not very fit and are worried you wouldn't be able to keep up. Write to the tour operator. In your letter:  
  
· Explain why you're interested in the tour.  
· Ask for information about dates and prices.  
· Express your concerns about your fitness level.  
  
Dear Sir or Madam,  
  
I am writing to you to express my interest to participate in the upcoming one-week walking the company you represent has arranged.  
I would like to ask you for further details concerning the tour and the requirements physical fitness level participants should meet.  
  
I am passionate about outdoor activities, therefore since the first time I saw about this one-week hiking in the mountains  
I thought it would represent an excellent opportunity to undertake one of my main passions.  
  
Although the information in the brochure was clear, I could see neither prices nor dates. Ergo, I would appreciate the sending of this information.  
  
In addition, I would like to let you know, my current physical condition is not the best. So, Is there any requirement which can impede me to participate in the trekking?  
  
I would appreciate your reply at your earliest convenience.  
  
Yours Sincerely  
Sandro Aldave
Truth be told, the letter that you wrote is not effective because, even though it hits all the required content marks, it does not show your writing abilities in the true sense. You are not writing in complete paragraphs. 2-3 paragraphs are required for this letter, 3-5 sentences each. You have a problem using connecting words to add clarity to your statements, and your formatting all wrong. You are using a poetical format / stanza format when you should be writing complete sentences in proper paragraph form. This is not an essay that could score highly because:  
  
- You wrote only the minimum number of words  
- Your sentences are not very clear in terms of meaning  
- The format is not in paragraph form.  
  
You are also using Latin terms (ergo) in a letter that should be business like or semi-casual in presentation.
Task 2  
Topic:  
***In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport.***  
  
## Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

  
  
Some countries nowadays has spent a number of money on building new railway lines for very fast trains. While some people believe that it is advantageous, others are of the opinion that they should spend money on improving existing public transport. This essay will analyse both sides of the argument before arriving at a reasoned conclusion.  
  
There are certainly several benefits to constructing high-speed railway lines. First, it would make travelling between cities much easier. For example, in Taiwan thanks to the high-speed rail we can travel from the north to almost the south of Taiwan just in 2 hours. Moreover, because of this convenient and fast public transportation, it will attract more tourists from other countries, which can lead to the economic growth. However, the cost of building a long distance train system is usually very high and some people believe that it can be used in a more effective way .  
  
Therefore, this leads to the idea that using the money to advance current public transportation. For example, if a country tries to improve it poor and old bus system , its citizens can truly benefit a lot. The residents can go to school or go to work in a fast way, and moreover, it can reduce the harmful emissions which are emitted by private cars. Those inhabitants would prefer to take public transportation which is more environmentally friendly .  
  
To sum up, the high-speed rail system is a great way to connect one city to another city and it will also benefit in its economic system. On the other hand, improving the existing public transport can help local citizens to go through their country much more convenient. Therefore , I think a country should think thoroughly before taking the decision .