dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hi Yurike,  
I can still notice that your essay suffers from grammatical range and accuracy problems. These are the list of them. I hope that you can gain some improvements by considering one of the feedback below.  
  
- ~~The~~ English language is international tool~~s~~ of communication to ~~another~~other people in the W orld.  
- ... the words in English is ~~evolute too~~evolved to be new words.  
- ... word only to make ~~more easily~~it easier for our mind to understand.~~in understanding in our brain.~~  
- Firstly, one of them is~~the~~ stealing ~~of~~ other languages in the world.  
- For ~~the~~ example, ~~is~~those are languages from France, Japan, etc.  
- Secondly, the compounding skill is ~~sequishing~~squishing~~the~~ more than one word ...  
It~~is~~comes from two wordsi.e.~~that are~~ heart and ~~broke~~broken/break .  
- Thirdly, people blend the English word.  
- ~~fourtly~~Fourthly , the functional shift is ~~which by~~ changing the method on how they operate.
Hi Yurike, here is some suggestions for you  
  
~~The~~ English language is **an** international tool~~s~~ of communication to ...  
... the words in ~~e~~**E** nglish is evolute**d** to~~o~~ be new words.  
  
Secondly, the compounding skill is s~~e~~ quishing ~~the~~ more than one (...) come from two word ~~that are~~**,(comma)** heart and broke.  
Thirdly, blend the ~~e~~**E** nglish word, fourt**h**ly the functional shift is ...  
  
Best Regards
-~~The English language~~ ENGLISH is AN international tool~~s~~~~of~~ communication TOOL USED BY ~~to another~~ people ~~in~~ AROUND the world.  
-As far as world ~~revolutionary,~~ REVOLUTIONISED, the words in ~~english~~ ENGLISH [CAPITAL] ~~is evolute~~ EVOLVE to~~o~~~~be~~ PRESENT new words.  
-~~The making of~~ the new English wordS ~~only to~~ make THOSE more easil~~y~~~~in understanding in our brain~~ TO BE UNDERSTOOD  
  
-. ~~The establishment of new English word~~ THAT ESTABLISHMENT can be adopted ...  
-...~~For the example is~~ LIKE from France, Japan, etc.  
-Secondly, the compounding skill ~~is sequishing the~~ SEQUISHS more than one (...), such as heartbroken ~~is come~~ from two word ...  
-Another example ~~is~~ ARE bookworm and sandcastle.  
Thirdly, blendING the english word~~, fourtly~~ WHILE THE FOURTH IS the functional shift ~~is~~ IN which ~~by~~ changing how ~~they~~ THE WORD operate.  
-The ~~final~~ LAST way is to take the ...  
  
**PROBLEMS IN  
1)SINGULAR/PLURAL ISSUE  
2) WORD FORMATION  
3) CAPITALIZATION  
4) SENTENCE STRUCTURE  
5) SENTENCE MEANING**
*Hi Miss Mujadiddah.  
I have read you summary closely and found some which you should develop to show better progress. Please, you meet my notes and review them.  
  
Miss, when you wanna create a summary, you should display identity of your original video briefly. You can cover all in a sentence. For example, "THIS SUMMARY IS CREATED FROM A VIDEO ON TED'S WEBSITE, WHICH WAS FILLED BY ....... IN..... That explanation can introduce the orginal video which you extracted. Besides that, you fail showing key points of the summary. You should be able to cover all elements of the question (1H+5W). Unfortunately, you cannot make readers curious to watch the video because you can show its contents. It can seem like a meaningless paragraph. You have to have the main topic which you will review in the summary so that you do not move from a topic to another topic. Follwing that, dd not include supporting sentence to make them as untiy. Please, you can provide more time to work it so that you can show the better effort.  
  
Keep Writing  
GOOD LUCK*
There is an interesting topic about earthquake. Earthquake typically caused by the movement of the Earth's crust. It happen in New Zealand with the power of stress 7.5. By this condition, it can continue to increase the major risk of the earthquake that had been found by John Ristau and their team. Also, there were two people became the victim of this situation. Moreover, it could sign for another disaster such as Tsunami but it not occured. Besides, New Zealand can get the another effect from fault near the interface of the Australian and Pacific tectonic plates. The new earthquake that caused in Autralian and Pacific plates, namely Alpine Fault can make big damage for the states said by Kevin McCue in Central Queensland University. All in all, the latest earthquake is not related to the Alpine Fault that had been state by Ristau.  
  
Source : newscientist
hai dika  
I have some suggestions for you  
hope it helps  
  
~~Earthquake~~it occurs typically (...) of the Earth's crust~~. It happens~~and also it take place in New Zealand with the power of stress is 7.5.  
  
~~Also,~~then, there were two people ...  
  
Moreover, it could be give a sign for another disaster such a~~s~~ Tsunami but it not ~~occured~~occurred .  
  
... fault near the interface of ~~the~~ Australian and ...  
  
... that caused in ~~Autralian~~Australia and Pacific plates, namely Alpine Fault which is can make big (...) by Kevin McCue in the Central Queensland University.  
  
... that had been ~~state~~stating by Ristau.  
  
thanks
**Hi Andika.  
These are my thoughts to fin alize your summary**  
  
*Note: You should reread your summary so that you can find the better flow or sense before you display for readers. Honestly, you sometimes make the readers pause to get points of your summary because you suddenly move to another topic. Besides that, you are supposed to pick up proper lingking words to guide the readers.  
  
Keep Writing  
GOOD LUCK*
**Some people claim that not enough of the waste from homes is recycled.  
They say the only way to increase recycling is for governments to make it a legal requirement.  
To what extent do you think laws are needed to make people recycle more of their waste?**  
  
Recycling domestic waste has become controversial issue among people. Most argued that there should be more plastics or papers processed in recycled machine than it was recently. Thus, all we need is stringent measures to encourage citizens to get involved in this attempt. However, I personally disagree with this initiative issue since the role of education is more essential in order to engage people recycling the garbage.  
  
It is often believed that the power of laws can drive citizens to obey desired attitudes in the society. This is because whoever neglects the rules will be punished, either by paying fines or putting in the jail. For instance, a car driver passing 3 in 1 lines has to ensure that he picks up at least 3 passengers. If they do not so, they are going to be prisoned or to pay $3,000. However, it is undeniable that office workers who are in a hurry hire others to accompany them during the journey. Clearly, establishing an official obligation is not effective to encourage citizens in the term of recycling process.  
  
Educated young people about environmental science in the formal institution is a worth idea to raise awareness of the importance of recycling. As a matter of fact, students will realize why it is significant to modify old things, and they can learn how to reuse those. In addition, students who are going to be adults in the immediate future will bring the household rubbish to the recycling centre without any force, having their own initiatives. Furthermore, young people can introduce this way to other family members.  
  
To sum up, the majority of people think that official statements have affords to tackle the recycling problem. Meanwhile I have a tendency to think that it is better to educate young people because they will bring greater impacts on the environment. Hopefully, citizens are going to welcome this idea.
Nurul, the prompt is asking you about laws regarding the implementation of recycling in communities. You are supposed to be discussing the possibility or necessity of implementing more laws in order to get people to recycle more materials. I cannot understand why you are discussing education instead in your essay. The prompt doesn't ask you anything about educating the people so it is clear that you did not understand the prompt requirements for this essay. There is no clear discussion regarding the extent or necessity of laws that could encourage people to increase their recycling. So if I were the examiner, it will be clear to me that you did not understand the prompt requirements, which led to the wrong discussion in your essay. I will not grade this essay for you because it will not have a passing grade. I will however, encourage you to revise your essay in order to give you another chance to fully understand the prompt and properly discuss the material. You will not get the same chance in a real test so I suggest that you work on your English comprehension skills in order to ensure that you will not only understand the prompt, but that you will also be able to discuss it properly.
Andika, when you write a summary, don't forget to present a proper summary of the discussion. For example, in this essay, you should have presented an explanation regarding the topic, which is Mania, how it started, where it has spread, and sufficient reasons as to explain why English is a mania that shows no signs of stopping. Your opening sentence does not really inform the reader about anything. Actually, the sentence makes it sound like you are starting the essay at the middle instead of at a proper start point that offered some information about the forthcoming summary. There are no supporting statements regarding the reason why English became the global language either. So this summary is definitely going to have problems when it comes to scoring it for content, relevance, cohesion, and grammar. You need to practice note taking in a better manner in order to properly summarize video reports.
I WAS WODERING WHO IS THE SPEAKER ??  
  
The is an interesting topic about mania. ( CONFUSING SENTENCE) ~~In this day~~ TODAY/RIGHT NOW/ NOWADAYS, many people trying to learn english (NEED VERB).  
  
IT SHOWS THAT YOU REALLY NEED TO REVISE YOUR WRITING AND GIVE THE CONJUNCTION TO MAKE FLOW YOUR WRITING.  
  
KEEP SPIRIT!
**Hello everyone,  
My name is Hang. I am a newcomer.Below is my essay. I am appreciate every your comment and feedback.  
Thank you in advance.**  
  
The sad fact is that in many places where dog meat is consumed, the dogs raised for food commonly endure a lifetime of abuse and often are slaughtered in a manner that is nightmarish in its brutality. There are many places ate dog meat such as: Europe, Russia, Africa, Latin America, China, the Philippines, and South Korea, Viet Nam. Now i will show you two places in particular where often eat dog meat is the South Korea and Viet Nam.  
  
plagiarized content removed  
  
Have you ever ask the question : '' Why we should not eat dog meat?"  
  
Absolutely, Dogs are really friendly and lovely . They will play with you and stay by your side when you are sad or lonely. In addition, Dogs is one of the most loyal pet who never betray you, follow you everywhere, protect you , and dont ask for much in return. Alos, Dogs are great family members and have the above-mentioned positive effects on the whole family. Your dog might not be dangerous, but by simply barking he can keep away a burglar who might think of entering your house.  
  
Now i want to tell you a true story about a little dog. You know, My neighbours raised a little dog. Unfortunately, his life was as a nightmare. He is beaten, kept outsides. Even , the owner just feed him when they like and throw away food on the ground. One day, I heard that they want to kill him for meat. Immediately, i think i have to save him by any means after an unsuccessful conversation with them. I decide to steal him and give my best friend to adopt him. I know that it is not a good method and my behaviour may be wrong, but i dont know what is better to do for him and i can not see him die like that. So i dont advise you to act as me, but i want to say that Dogs are friends not meat. Dont hesitate to recuse them when dogs are in danger with the most suitable ways.  
  
Finally, i want to shows the tips to keep dogs safe. You should not keep your pet outsides at night. Besides, Dont let your pet go out alone at night. The more important tip is that You have to keep an eye on your dog everytime, Thats mean you should lock gate when you go out. Also, Dont let your pet eat food from strangers. This will become a danger for your precious dog. Moreover, you should know how to do first aid when your dog eat food from poisoning the theft. What is more, you should hold many campaigns from stopping eating dog and raise people's awareness about loving animal.  
  
For all those reason, i strongly recommend that we should act to protect dogs- our beloved friends. . I still remember the quote like that : " Such short little lives our pet have to spend with us, and they spend most of it waiting for us to come home each day." So Dogs are friends, not food.
Hang, I am not sure about the format that you have written your essay in. I have not come across an essay before where the prompt is placed in the middle of the essay. It is normally placed within the first paragraph of the essay because you are supposed to inform the reader about the topic of the essay before you progress further in the discussion. I sense a separation from your original topic towards the latter part of your essay. You went from the topic of eating dog meat to the safe keeping of dogs. I believe that you are trying to discuss too many topics related to protecting your dog without really knowing how to do it. So here is my suggestion. Outline your plan of writing for your essay. Make sure that you follow a logical introduction of the topics you want to discuss so that each paragraph relates to and properly introduces the next topic to the reader. By doing that, you will allow the reader to get a clearer idea of what it is you want to discuss. Most importantly, you will need to develop a proper thesis for your essay at the start. Explain the topic you will be talking about, why you believe it is important to learn about this, and what your conclusion might be. That way you present the order of discussion to your reader before he begins to read your work.  
  
That said, being a dog lover myself, I appreciate the work that you have placed in this paper and the suggestions that you have made. I too do not agree with the consumption of dog meat. They are pets and are not groomed as cattle. There is room for improvement in the essay so I hope that you will come back with a revised version of your work.
**Jay Walker: The world's English mania**  
  
Learning English has been a basic need for better life around the world. It is because English is always used for obtaining job opportunity and getting higher education. In addition, a forth of references is based on English. For instance, in China, the largest country learning English, the government implements regulation for people learning English started in the third grade by law. Therefore, English cannot take over the native language, yet English is the second language connecting each other easily around the world.  
  
*source: ted*
Ilham,  
  
I am not quite sure whether this is an acceptable summary or not due to its short explanation. This summary doesn't even reach 100 words. Perhaps, adding 1 or 2 sentences would be adequately covered the necessity of a summary itself. However, if you were told to sum the information that is below 100 words, you can just simply ignore my suggestion above.  
  
With regards to the sentence structure, I can see that some of them are influenced by your native language. It doesn't sound English at all. Therefore, paraphrasing your sentences would be beneficial towards the future summary practices. You can see them in the detailed descriptions below.  
  
- It is because English is ~~always~~mostly used for obtaining job opportunity and ~~getting~~ higher education. (the meaning is quite similar, mention them in a single sentence would be redundant I guess. Also, when you mention "always", I think it is an over-generalized statement. Not all job vacancies need English as one of the requirements.)  
  
- In addition, ~~a forth of~~lots of references ~~is~~are~~based on~~written in English.  
- For instance, ~~in~~ China is the largest country that learn~~ing~~ English. (stop here, new sentence) The government implements a regulation for people ~~learning~~to learn English~~started~~since~~in~~ the third grade. ~~by law.~~(regulation is already official, no need to mention "law" again. It would be redundant.)
Hi Bung, I believe this is the first time that I will review your essay and with that I would like to WELCOME you to the Essay Forum Family, it is great to welcome yet another member of this growing family. Here on EF, we aim to provide you with the most accurate feedback and comprehensive input, in order to strengthen your essay and be confident in your submission.  
  
Having said that, please find a few suggestions below;  
  
- It is because with English, we will be able to obtain jobs,~~is always used for obtaining job~~ opportunity  
- and get~~ting~~ higher education.  
- In addition, ~~a forth of~~ references is based on English.  
- the government ~~implements~~implemented a regulation  
- for people learning English ~~started~~to start in the third grade and this is in accordance to the~~by~~ law.  
- the second language ~~connecting~~that will connect each other easily ...  
  
There you have it Bung, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and as you can see, there's still quiet a lot of work to be done in your writing and the good thing is, you can still enhance and develop this skill and one way to get better at it is by practicing to write as often as you can.
Mania can be good, alarmingly, and unfortunately deadly. Needless to say, there is a novel kind of mania in the word, learning English. Surprisingly, 2 billion people eager to learn English with the largest proportion comes to China. The reason why is crucial to learn this linguistic science is because we can get better life through this language such as obtaining a job and also enrolling favorite school. With studying English, we can discuss regarding hunger, poverty and disease with a vast range of people in the world.
Hi Nina, below are my thoughts on your essay.  
  
- Mania can be good,however, alarmingly, and unfortunately deadly.  
- in the worl d, learning English.  
- Surprisingly, 2 billion people are eager to learn English  
- with the largest proportion ~~comes to~~coming from China.  
- The reason why it is crucial to learn this  
- ~~such as obtaining~~and obtain a job and  
- ~~also enrolling favorite school~~acquire admission in a sought after institution .  
- ~~With~~In studying English,  
- disease together with a ~~vast range~~lot of people in the world.  
  
There you have it Nina, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and though this essay might be short, it suffice the idea that is asked of you to write.
**TED Summary : English Manias**  
  
Being manias somehow can be good, alarmingly and even can be deathly. Recently, the world has new kinds of mania, mania for learning new languages, especially English. There are billions people learning English worldwide such India, Southeast Asia, and China - the largest English speaking country. English is consider to be a single opportunity for better life and jobs, and even to get a better food served in the table. Like mathematics and music, English is a language to solve problem and with English, people can have a comfortable conversation about global problems. English also represents hope for a better future where the world has a common language to solve its common problems.  
  
Source : TED.com
Hi Nda,  
Among thousands of TED Talks videos, why did most of the members here choose this video? Is it an obligation or something? However, these are my remarks anyway. Hopefully, it would be helpful.  
  
- ..., alarming~~ly~~ and even can be ~~deathly~~deadly . (remember the rule of parallel nouns/verbs/adverbs/adjectives)  
- There are billions of people who~~learning~~learn English worldwide (...), and China, (comma) the largest ...  
- English is considered to be an ~~single~~essential language to look for opportunity for better life, ~~and~~ jobs, and even...  
- English also represents a hope for a (...) the world has a ~~common~~shared/universal language to solve...  
  
Hope this helps :)
Mujja, your summary is short and distinct. You definitely presented the sole important information, with an acceptable explanation of daylight savings time in the essay. However, you could have added some other important information to make the summary more informative. Information like the fact that the twins have a 2 year old sister, this was the first time that such a birth happened at the hospital, and that the parents actually tweeted about the confusing birth. By the way, the name of the hospital should have been included in the summary since that is where the twins were born. That said, I have to tell you that you used such a lighthearted manner of writing the summary that I almost did not want to call your attention to the missing and weak data that you have in the essay. Always make sure that you note the important information before you write your summary. You have enough time during the test to make sure that you don't miss out on anything that can affect your final score.
Mujaddidah,  
  
I am not really sure whether this is an acceptable a summary or not. It might quite different from others and I think it is too short. Thus, I recommend you to write more than this one. Adding one or two sentences would be adequate to fulfill the necessary information that you want to describe.  
  
Also, my suggestion is that you need to avoid writing a long-but-complicated-and-inaccurate sentence like this ~~"Fact said that Samuel was born at ..."~~ It is better to split them into two sentences like this. *In fact, Samuel was born on the sixth of November at 1.39 a.m.. In 31 minutes later, his twin brother followed him at approximately 1.10 a.m.*  
  
Hope this helps :)
Bung, you rushed through the process of summarizing your article. You did not read the essay in its totality. There were two aspects of the article that needed to be represented in your summary. These are the infections and child birth parts. Both of which seem to have a direct relation with gender equality throughout history. Your summary is actually very poor and wanting in information. You were not able to properly assess and note the important information that could have made your summary quite a complete an informative one. Did you read the whole article or not? If you did, was the reason your summary was too weak because you could not express yourself properly? Or did you just run out of time while you were developing the summary ? These are all reasons that could contribute to your failing this particular test. I want you to try and better apply yourself in your next practice run by trying to really create a balanced and informed summary. I suggest that you try to rewrite this summary when you have the time. This time, base your summary on the suggestions I provided here.
The article from newscientist.com explained about the special event that occurred on Monday Night, 14 November where the full moon would be the closest to the Earth. This phenomenon which occurred once in around 70-year period called a supermoon, means the moon was a bit bigger and brighter than it normally appears. A full moon happens when the sun, the Earth and the moon are all lined up in a row which is called a syzygy. When the full moon is at the point in its closest point to the Earth, supermoon occurs. This particular phenomenon, the supermoon, would be 356,511 kilometres from Earth - the closest it has come since 1984. Supermoons are approximately a third larger in area and 30 percent bright than the full moon in the furthest orbit. This phenomenon will occur again in 16 October and 14 December 2016.  
  
newscientist