H Anh, I believe that this is your first time writing an IELTS Task 2 essay for this forum right? In that case, I will not score your essay just yet. What I would like to do, is assist you in developing the proper format for this essay. As it is at the moment, there are a number of problems in relation to the formatting and discussion of your work. Let me explain things to you in a more detailed manner.  
  
Your Task Accuracy score will come from the first paragraph that you write. In this paragraph, you should not begin the discussion of the prompt. This is always allotted for your proof of English comprehension skills. So the main requirement is that you accurately restate the prompt topic and instructions within 5 sentences. Let me show you an example based upon this prompt:  
  
*Before people began to live in urban cities, they used to live in tightly knit, small communities. Due to the change in residential preference, from small to large, people now tend to not know who their neighbors are, when compared to the less populated towns. Each living style has its own advantages and disadvantages. I will present a discussion of both sides in this essay.*  
  
Notice how I did my best to stay as close to the original prompt presentation while using various versions of the keywords "small vllages" and "large cities"? This presentation has a purpose. I am trying to show the examiner that I not only understand what the topic for discussion is and how I am expected to discuss it, but also, that I have a wide range of English vocabulary that will allow me to vary my presentation while keeping the original meaning of the term. That is how you score better in the TA section.  
  
Since this is not an opinion essay but rather a general discussion presentation, there is no need to use personal phrases such as "In my view". The expectation is that you will present popular opinions and evidences in this discussion. So a personal connection to the statement being made is not required.  
  
More importantly, you must understand that you are scored considerably in the C&C and GRA section. These two sections are practically scored hand in hand. So you need to make sure that you offer the requirements of the paragraphs, without over doing it. That means, you only present one topic as the reason in the discussion, then follow it up with public opinion and general examples in order to support the argument you are presenting. With a 5 sentence maximum requirement per paragraph, you really do not have room to present more than one topic for discussion. The clarity of your explanation is more important than the number of reasons you provide in a single presentation.  
  
Do not use special characters such as ellipses (...) in the essay. That removes the academic tone of the presentation. Punctuation marks like that are used only in creative writing essays. Try to cut your sentences into short presentations instead of as run-on sentences divided only by commas. That causes undue stress on the reader and lowers your GRA score immensely.  
  
In the conclusion, you made a prompt deviation by saying "I think these disadvantages are outweigh advantages". The purpose of the closing statement is the same as the opening statement. Only this time, you restate the important discussion points from your presentation. It is still paraphrasing so you cannot continue the discussion nor create a prompt deviation in that paragraph. You will lose major points for that in the TA section.  
  
I decided to point out the problem points of your essay rather than reviewing the content and grammar problems of your work. That is not our major concern at this moment. What we have to make sure of right now, is that you learn how to properly develop this type of essay discussion for your scoring benefit.