dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## friendship skills quality

  
  
Any feedback would be appreciated!  
  
*Question: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The ability to maintain friendships with a small number of people over a long period of time is more important for happiness than the ability to make many new friends easily. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.*  
  
Social interactions and relationships with people have always played an important role in one's life and development. A varied array of relationships, such as what is mentioned in the question, may require different skills and can have different impacts on one's happiness. Although both types of relationships are crucial to one's well-being, I believe that the ability to maintain a small group of friends for a long time period is more important, due to the reasons in trust, support and interest.  
  
To start with, a small group of friends is more likely to form a tighter bond to develop trust. In other words, it is easier to communicate and share life problems of each other, without the concern that someone in the group may spread this to others. Take my life experience for an example. I used to share my confusion about long distance relationship with my best friend in high school, who gave me some suggestions from her perspective, and her words were very helpful to me.  
  
Furthermore, mutual support tends to be more effective in a small group of friends. This is because the large size creates a free rider effect, which means people are inclined to shy away from offering help with the presence of many other people, expecting someone else to do so. As a result, when there are a number of free riders in a large group of friends, mutual support becomes more challenging. A small group of friends, on the other hand, can overcome the free rider effect and it is easier to receive help and support.  
  
Last but not least, a small groups of friends may share more interests in common, thereby enjoy their life together. A large group of new friends may have various preferences and hobbies, thus making it difficult to arrange group activities, which hinders the development of friendship. In contrast, a small group of friends with can easily enjoy quality time together, from playing video games to forming a reading club, without having to compromise to avoid conflicts.  
  
In conclusion, the ability to maintain a small group of friends outweighs that to make a large group of new friends in a short time.
@yui meow  
Hello there. Welcome to the forum. I hope you find the feedback that you receive here to be helpful for your writing endeavors. If you have any more questions, please do not hesitate to approach us for more input. Again, I hope that this helps!  
  
First and foremost, I commend how put-together your essay is. Because you were able to integrate a lot of variation and dynamism into your writing, you were able to showcase how progressive your thoughts were throughout the writing. This makes it easy for the readers to understand the bulk of the text provided.  
  
Having said these positives, I do recommend that you try to have a more analytical point of view when it comes to writing. Focus on curating information with ease through adding more substantive details. Take a glance at the example you've provided in the second paragraph. While it was great that you were trying to incorporate more real-life examples from your viewpoint, it would not be sustainable in the long-run given how you need more concrete and external options to carry you further.  
  
Conclusion also needs a bit more work. Enhance this through adding more analysis by merging together your thoughts from all the paragraphs prior.
@yui meow  
Hey there,  
What I like about your essay is, how you structured the text. It is easy to follow your arguments. Another thing that I like is how you used linking words like "Furthermore", "To start with" or "Although".  
  
Because you are preparing for TOEFL, I do recommend that you try to extend your essay. Now you used 339 words. Try to make it 400-500.  
  
But all in all, a good essay as far as I can say.
@habebl  
Hi habebl, thank you for your advice! Yeah it's better to have a longer essay. I extended the second paragraph and the conclusion, and it has reached 400-500 words.  
  
@yui meow  
Version 2 with longer 2nd paragraph and conclusions  
  
... due to the reasons in communication, support and common interests.  
  
Furthermore, ...  
  
... of new friends in a short time, and this is because a small friend circle provide easier communication, more available support and more enjoyable group activities.
Hi, I am new here. May I ask someone to give me some advice about this typical TOFEL essay?  
  
## tight leash for youngsters

  
  
Nowadays, young people have to meet the strict and rigid rules in current society. Some people believe these rules and regulations actually restrain the development of young people. However, in my perspective, those strict rules in modern society help young people to develop better personalities and acquire more knowledge, for the following reasons.  
  
What should be prioritized is that strict rules of the working environment encourage young people to grasp good personalities and characteristics. To begin with, a lot of well-known companies set strict rules, which require young people to finish a large quantity of assignments including preparing different presentations, finishing piles of paper works and arranging numerous daily meetings in a short time. These rules actually encourage youngsters to always work hard because working hard can help them keep advanced. Moreover, those rules could push them to stand out of the comfort zones and therefore to achieve fame, prestige and wealth because young people are very likely to become lazy without the constraint of strict rules. Here is a concrete example. Jack Ma, the co-founder of Alibaba company, the richest person in China, used to be not very productive and diligent because the rules of the company he stayed in were not rigid and strict. So he deliberately switched his job to another company which had strict rules that required their employees to finish a tremendous number of assignments per day. Finally, these rigid rules help him to foster his favorable and precious personalities and characteristics like persistence, independence and working hard, which laid a solid foundation for his future success. Hence, never should we ignore the fact that strict rules of the working environment encourage young people to grasp good personalities and characteristics.  
  
What is equally worthy discussing is that strict rules of educational institutions stimulate young people to acquire more knowledge. This is because students tend to allocate their time on relax including playing video games, extracurricular activities and chatting online, if they are not restrained by strict rules. So, rigid and demanding regulations in academic institutions help students to always focus on study and therefore to grasp more knowledge. Take my nephew Dylan as an example. His schools did not have strict rules to constrain students' behaviors. So, he always refused to attend some difficult but essential classes such as math and statistics due to the lack of rigid regulations, which caused his bad grade and insufficiency of quantitative knowledge which were critical and crucial to his personal development in the future. So, he only got a dissatisfying job now owing to the deficiency of proper rules when he was studying in school. Accordingly, it is strict rules of educational institutions that stimulate young people to acquire more knowledge.  
  
In conclusion, I strongly believe that strict rules help young people to develop better personalities and acquire more knowledge.
## Shortage of family time

  
  
Nowadays, the more the economy develops, the more hard-working people endeavor. Thereby, in various countries, people lack time with their family. This essay will examine the main cause of having not enough time with family and possible solutions of this problem  
  
The two main causes of this problem are people are so hectic and the dependence on electronic devices. First of all, people have to finish a tremendous workload, even some people work unsocial hours. For example, workers who work in a factory must leave home in the early morning and come back in the late evening. Consequently, they have not enough time to take care of carefully their children. Secondly, the dependence on technology has aggravated this issue. In today's technology-driven world, smartphones and laptops are indispensable devices of everyone. This leads to face-to-face conversations with family members become decreasing and makes a distance from ones.  
  
This alarming situation will make the sentimental value of family become worse and therefore needs drastic measures. For one thing, the government should enact the law about strict limiting overworking. People are permitted to work only eight hours a day. Another thing is parents ought to open more conversation with their children to teach and share interesting things in life with them. In addition, parents also organize trips regularly during the holiday time to have memorable memories.  
  
In conclusion, a family is an important factor of society and we need to solve problems which relate to family relationships. Shortage of family time is the main problem come from every member of the family. However, we can stop pursuing fame and fortune and take care who we love
*The line graph belows shows population figures for India and China since the year 2000 and predicted population growth up until 2050*  
  
Description of the graph given  
  
\***This is the first time I describe a graph, and the first time I prepare for the IELTS test, by the way. Thus, hope you guys will help me to correct it and give me the mark plz. tks**  
  
====  
  
The provided line graph illustrates how population grow in two different countries over the period of 50 years.  
Obviously, the habitants in China predictively decline, while in India the level of population dramatically increase.  
In 2000, the number of Chinese is around 1,25 billions, whereas, in India the population is lower 0,25 billion. At present, the rate of population in China slightly goes up over 1,4 billion. In contrast, India's population continuously rises (1,3 billion).  
  
According to the graph, from 2020 to 2050, the population growth between the two nations have different directions. While the figure of India soars to 1,6 billion, the population in China falls to 1,4 billions after approximate 25 years of rising.  
  
*
@hoangoanh0204  
Hi there. Welcome to the forum! I hope this feedback somehow enlightens and assists you in any way.  
  
Firstly, I would be cautious with the fundamentals that are necessary for you to be cautious of when writing. This pertains to, for instance, the usage of tenses when you are writing. Try to read up again on the rules of agreements for verbs and nouns to ensure that you are not straying away from this.  
  
Consistency is key when you are writing. It is critical that you retain a formal tone when writing. Notice how you had shifted to explicitly mentioning the numerical factors involved (see the third line) and to the usage of parenthesis to explain the detail. I would opt that you stick with the usage of smaller details instead of these to help you in the long-run establish a firmer tone.  
  
This also goes for the phrases you are using to describe the language. Take, for example, the paragraph. Instead of saying "*two nations have different directions*", you could have opted to say that they were diversifying from each other. Adding small quirks such as this would enhance the look of your writing from simplified to a more professional standard.
Hello everyone, this is the first time I have posted on this forum. can you help me to find mistakes? Thank you so much  
  
Topic:  
## new technologies have changed the way children spend their free time.

  
***Do advantages outweigh disadvantages?***  
  
These days, there is no doubt that the coming of state-to-the-art technology has significantly impacted on how youngsters use their recreational activities. Personally, the drawbacks of these changes are more outstanding than the benefits.  
  
On the one hand, the onset of the digital age has brought some certain values to the juveniles. Most importantly, they can have room to become well- rounded ones regarding the modern technological area. Particularly, playing some skilled-based games will help the adolescents brainstorm frequently which leads to the improvement of the mental faculties and enhancement of electronic skills. Provided that being competent at digital devices in the modern ages, the children would make a success of your future as well as earn a great deal. Therefore, this is an undeniable benefit for children that we all appreciate.  
  
On the other hand, the youngsters have to face some incredibly unavoidable minus points. Firstly, the children virtually stick their eyes on the computer screen instead of having shared-time with their family and friends. It is common that if exposed frequently, they can be addicted completely by some appealing games and online world causing the self- isolation from the whole society and the harmful habit. For instance, some children may harm dramatically their surrounding people by negative game-related activities and even be cured by psychological doctors. Furthermore, making use of modern facilities may lead to the deterioration of juveniles' health. One of them is an increasing number of eye-sighted kids because of making use of modern equipment, which can strike fear into the parents' heart. Such disadvantages can become concerns for many people.  
  
To sum up, although there are some benefits associated with technological evolution, I strongly believe that the minus points almost overshadow the plus ones. it is also important for everyone to keep these changes under control.
@Bich Ngoc 9898  
Hello there. Welcome to the forum! I hope you find the feedback you find here to be helpful for your writing endeavors in the long-run. If you have any follow-up questions, don't hesitate to approach us for more.  
  
First and foremost, I already appreciate the introductory paragraph of your essay. I find that your straightforward and yet creative approach to writing will bring you to places. Keep this up!  
  
In hindsight, I only suggest that you try to incorporate more concrete examples in your essay. It would be more beneficial if you would be able to expound more your thoughts through having real-world details incorporated throughout.  
  
Having said that, I also think that you need to work on adding more details to your concluding remarks. Notice how imbalanced your writing appears to be. The third paragraph needs to be trimmed down for you to have more space in the initial parts of your essay. Doing this would certainly go a long way for your writing.
## which professions need more appreciation?

  
  
*Doctors and nurses make a great contribution to society and should be paid more than entertainment and sports celebrities  
  
Do you agree or disagree?*  
  
Nowadays, with the evolution of media, it seems that idols and sports stars are paid largely more than those who contribute to society like health care workers and instructors. Many debates have been raised. Some believe that contributors should earn more than entertainers. I'm in line with this idea and would express my opinions below.  
  
First and foremost, the major rationale for providing well pays to doctors and nurses is that they are the one who has a considerable contribution to the public community. Every day and night, medical personnel make the best to take care of and cure the patients sent to hospitals. Always bearing heavy pressure on people's lives, medical workers are frustrated and tortured by every working day, including dealing with death. Furthermore, nurturing a doctor or a nurse takes much time. When a person decides to work in a hospital, at least 6 years are gone in life for more studies in school.  
  
Owing to lots of adversities which they would encounter and the contribution they make, I believe they should earn more money than other careers, especially entertainers like actors or singers who always receive a higher salary. Although others might think that idols can bring their fans much love and passions, especially when they feel desperate in life. That means, idols are kind of incentives for some people to be alive. However, I still believe that saving one's life needs more technical processes and knowledge.  
  
All in all, although I fully recognise the role superstars play to make people laugh and induce them to enjoy life, I reckon that medical workers deserve higher pays because of their work and contribution.
Hi there.  
  
Well-structure writing.👍👍  
  
However, I still would like to give you some of my opinions. Hope it would help.  
  
1. It would be better to state your opinion in the first paragraph, which means you agree or disagree.(Not just said that you will illustrate your opinions below)  
  
2. For paragraph 2 and 3, it would be better to raise up some examples to support your ideas.  
  
Best of luck for your future writing.
## IELTS - the content of Museums and art galleries

  
  
***Museums and art galleries should concertrate on local works rather than showing the cultures and artworks from other countries.  
To what extent do you argee or disagree?***  
  
As the fast-growing development of technological devices and the digital natives, or been known as Generation Z at the moment are increasingly not engrossing of directly visiting those places. In my point of view, I disagree completely the assumption above and would be reasoning meticulously in both sides.  
  
The first imperative feature when it comes to a local museum is regrading its popularity it gains throughout the time. Firstly, by vastly broadcasting online of those local places in mainstream and alternative media might intentionally capture people attention about the magnitude of knowing history as well as stimulate the natural curiosity of children to go the museums. Secondly, logically, in the purpose of gaining the significant amount of subsidy from top philanthropists affects directly and vitally to jobs of people work there. As far as I know that many museums are no longer available in many developing countries for their financial suffering.  
  
Next, it is necessary to stage several plays annually to assimilate the spirit of national figures who painfully sacrificed for the liberty and freedom of that nation. Because every province dignifies its heroes and soldiers, the pupils of all ages ought to learn to appreciate the aftermath gifts that they got. Finally, the cultural existence would always be passed down to future generations to continuously operate those historical places. Then, for the long-term benefits of the museum itself, it should be wildly comprehended that the belief of embracing those moral values by the youngsters is utterly significant.  
  
In conclusion, I wholeheartedly respect the uniqueness of each local museum even when those places might be shut down for any particular justifications, owing to all the reasons that I have stated above.
**Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?**  
  
## adaptation to the foreign reality

  
  
In this globalized society, many people migrate to foreign country. They may feel challenging with speaking foreign language. While I do admit that this could be a problem for the first few weeks, in my opinion, however, their ability will be improved by putting a lot of efforts.  
  
There is no doubt in my mind that it would be difficult for people to converse with locals without using their mother tongue. Meanings expression correctly is a worry, besides, language misunderstanding is also a problem. Apart from this, work is another salient issue. If people are in a lack of the language, most of the situations is that they cannot apply high-paid jobs. Those problems can further influence mental health, including heavy stress and depression.  
  
Nevertheless, I do believe that foreign language can be learnt as long as putting effort. In addition, when people stay in an environment full of the language, it can force them to learn it quickly. The reason is that people are scared when they are in an unfamiliar place, so they would tend to adapt in the new environment quickly. This would give them a motivation learning foreign language. Furthermore, there are over 70% people can speak English in the world. Even when you are in the countries that are less people use English, such as Japan, China or Korea. You can still find people who can speak and even express what they want to say in English. As a result, there is no need to worry about those problems in a long term.  
  
In conclusion, I only partly agree with the statement in question. Although people would face some problems when they are using foreign language in other countries, but if they try hard to learn, they can overcome those difficulties.
@chloeyyy123  
Hello there. Welcome here! We're always glad to see new people coming around. I hope that you find this feedback to be somehow beneficial for your writing endeavors.  
  
Firstly, while it was great that you have smaller chunks of text sprinkled as blocks throughout, it would be of much help to the readers if you are able to properly compartmentalize your writing in accordance to what is necessary. Take, for example, the latter chunks of text that you have in the third paragraph. You were already including a lot of inessential information by the last sentences. Because of this, I recommend that you try your best to prioritize which information would be necessary (and which ones you can put in the bin for now).  
  
The concluding remarks also lack a bit of emphasis. I suggest adding more of a follow-up analysis on this portion to ensure that readers are able to understand the duties and responsibilities ahead of them.
## number of people who owned a car in the uk

  
  
The line graph illustrates domestic car possession in terms of four distinct categories in the UK over a 36-year period.  
It can be concluded from the graph that the number of British owning at least one car rose substantially over the period surveyed with the most significant increase can be seen in the two cars sector.  
  
In 1971 people who have no car took up nearly half of the population while two-car owners accounted for only around 7%. Interestingly, 36 years later, the no car sector saw a dramatic fall to 25%, opposing to a sharp growth by 15% to 25% in the two car sector.  
  
Regarding one car ownership, it experienced a period of stability at about 45% of the population overall while there was a gradual climb in the three or more cars category which reach the peak of nearly 7% at the end of the period surveyed.