dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
You did not properly deliver the restated prompt requirement. Although, you gave relevant reasoning topics in the discussion paragraph. Your paraphrase actually altered the discussion topic from the original as evidenced by:  
  
Discussion Question: what are your opinions on this?  
Response: it is international tourism that benefits the local community economically and socially.  
  
Your response is not aligned with the discussion topic which is:  
OT: Some feel International tourism this is a positive trend  
  
Truth be told, I found the discussion topic to be quite confusing. Almost as if this is not a true Task 2 question and you just made it up so you could write a practice essay. None of my source materials for the original prompt could provide me with any clarity on the original prompt presentation which you accidentally misinterpreted when you tried to express it in your own words as the discussion title of this essay. So I will be advising you with some caution as your essay topic is unclear and indicated 2 different discussion formats for this essay.  
  
Which is it? A personal opinion essay or an Advantage v disadvantage essay? Like I said, 2 different discussion formats. So I don't really know how to proceed with this. However, I will try to do something based on the work you presented.  
  
Your opinion should have indicated whether you see this topic as an advantage or disadvantage. You mentioned that in your first sentence, but then failed to present an opinion that indicates if you see this as an advantage or disadvantage to the community, which is different from a positive or negative trend. The actual response you presented then spoke of benefits for the local community both economically and socially. All of which sends the discussion all over the place, without an actual focus. You are not really discussing a real topic here, nor are you discussing in a proper format. The instructions are just too vague and confusing for a proper content review of this work.  
  
It will be wrong of me to review your grammar errors at this point. I do not even know if you are discussing the right topic in the right manner. Next time, do not fool around and try to restate the prompt in a shortcut form. Post the full prompt in the text box. Do not alter anything. That way I can give you proper advice based on the original discussion instructions.
## Having children later in life

  
  
Task 2: *I**n some countries, men and women are having children late in life. What are the reasons for this development? Do the advantages of this outweigh its disadvantages?***  
  
In this day and age, there's an increasing number of people who choose to delay childbirth due to several reasons. This trend would exert both positive and negative effects on families as well as society.  
  
The driving force behind this trend is changing employment patterns. In the past, men used to be the breadwinner in almost every family but that isn't the case for today's society. A large majority of women now choose to pursue education and enter the workforce and undertake imperative positions. This has led to the fact that they cannot maintain a work-life balance and therefore prioritize career over marriage. Another factor is that the cost of bringing up a child including food, clothes, and education is becoming increasingly expensive, causing people's hesitation to have a baby.  
  
Delaying childbirth could be beneficial to families. Since parents give birth to their children at an older age, they would be more experienced and financially stable to bring up and educate their offsprings. Hence, children could obtain a better family background and education, enabling them to become fully developed. In addition, parents would also reap benefits from this trend as their first working years are not interrupted by childcare tasks. However, when aged couples have a baby, the mother would suffer from various health problems such as diabetes and backache and the baby would run a higher risk of Down syndrome. Moreover, society would have to undergo the problem of an aging population due to the low rate of fertility, which triggers a lack of labor.  
  
In conclusion, there are causes such as career and financial concerns that drive people's decisions to have children later in life. This tendency would impact families and society in both advantageous and disadvantageous way.
The 2nd question was, do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? your essay responds only to the reasons aspect. You did not properly discuss the single opinion point of view based on the A/D discussion format. This was supposed to be comparative essay of 5 paragraphs covering:  
  
- Paraphrase + Reasons + Opinion outline  
- Reason1  
- Reason 2  
- Response to A/D question  
- Concluding summary  
  
You can only do a comparative reasoning discussion for the reasons as to the direct response to the A/D question, you cannot give an equal importance discussion because the choice is either it is an advantage or a disadvantage. You were not asked to justify why the reasons are both an advantage and disadvantage. You need to make a decision, pick a side and support it. Otherwise, your essay will be scored down for not having a clear point of view. Your current essay doesn't really have a solid justifiable side presented here, since you presented an equal opportunity discussion, which was not the point of the essay question. Your essay will not get a passing score because you committed a few errors in your presentation  
  
- You did not support a clear opinion / side for the discussion (advantage or disadvantage)  
- The essay remained unclear and under developed as you did present a response to the first question, but failed to clearly and properly discuss the second  
  
- The lack of clear opinion means you did not actually discuss the "outweigh" section of the prompt
Hi guys, please tell me your ideas about my answer. I'm really both happy and grateful for all of comments  
## Describe a job you would not like to do in the future

  
  
Answer:  
Well, a job I would not like to do in the future is singer. There are many reasons why I would not like to do this job. First of all, beginner singers have to practice enough to be comfortable singing in front of people. They have to take care of their vocal cords to make sure their voice is as good as it can be. Honestly, I really feel sick and tired of practising my voice every day.The weapon of singer's success in my view, is good looks and charisma combined with catchy songs along with a good marketing team. In fact, I don't have anything of them. Additionally, I am overwhelmed by the massive crowds and I feel claustrophobic in crowds of people.  
  
Furthermore, loud music made my hearts beat faster and blood pressure go up. When A famous singer decide to hold a concert in a region and it quickly become a major news story, covered in all of our media from newspapers to TV, and most radio channels.  
  
Actually, I don't like to be famous person because the negative news about me on news channels and in newspapers has a negative influence. I always think of it to be stressful and pressurizing .As a matter of fact, I personally never had keen interest in the musical field.  
  
In conlusion, I also think that such stressful jobs are not meant for everyone as it will also affect one's personal life. The negative environment at the work place can also alter one's psyche. Therefore, a profession that would be my last choice would certainly not be the job of a well-known singer.
Hi, here are my suggestions:  
- Beginner singers have to practice "enough" to be ... => should be "a lot", enough doesn't seem right to me in this context  
- Subject Verb Agreement: blood pressure "go" up => should be "goes"; When A famous singer "decide" => should be "decides" and many more.  
- Furthermore, loud music made ... When A famous singer decide ... => I don't think your second sentence has anything related to the first one. Why did you put them in a same paragraph?  
  
- Article: I don't like to be **a** famous person  
Hope you find this useful ^^!
The job is called singing, and the person doing the job of singing is called a singer. Use the correct descriptive words to add accuracy to your work. Try to be more creative in your approach regarding the opening statement. Don't be so direct to the point when writing a creative piece. You could have opened with:  
  
*Someone once asked me if there was any job that I would never do. I thought about it for a bit and decided that the work I could never see myself doing would have to be singing. I know, there are people who would do anything for such a high profile job. However, I have some really personal reasons for not wanting to participate in singing industry.*  
  
Give the reader a hook. Make sure you catch his interest before you start discussing your reasons. The hook is what should make him interested in the story you have to tell. Deliver an interesting scenario first, then present the topic. Don't just jump into it without building a foundation first. All essays require the presentation of a backstory, before you present the actual discussion. It makes for an effective essay,  
  
Your explanation paragraphs are not very good. You have to focus on fully explaining each reason before launching into a second one. If you want to discuss the vocal chords, then offer a paragraph about that. Then, another paragraph for the good looks, then another one about loud music, and so on and so forth.  
  
Your discussion went off topic when you discussed becoming a famous person. Not all singers are famous. Some are not celebrities, some are not YouTube sensations, some are just singing for the job. Do not mix them up. You are talking about a person whose job is to sing. Not a celebrity who is a singer. There is a big difference between the two occupations.
## IELTS WRITING TASK 1 BAR CHART

  
  
The chart below shows the sales revenue in dollars at three branches of a bank in the first quarter of 2010  
  
The bar chart compares the number of turnovers in dollar of three different bank branches in the first three months of 2010  
  
Overall, with the exception of Seaford bank, two other ones managed successfully to raise their sale revenues with the more pronounced increase being seen in the Brighton branch.  
  
As can be seen from the chart, Brighton bank 's earnings stood at nearly 25,000 dollars in January prior to a sudden drop to around 15,000 dollars, which was lower than Newhaven branch with 20,000 dollars in February. However, Brighton bank made an unexpected recovery by skyrocketing its income to 40,000 dollars, which was the highest revenue among the three branches, a month later. Similarly, Newhaven bank's turnover went up to precisely 35,000 dollars in the same given month.  
  
In contrast, a reverse trend was seen in the Seaford branch's revenue. This bank stood at nearly 15,000 dollars revenues before gaining 12,000 dollars, around 27,000 dollars, to become the most profited one in February. However, a remarkable fall to 11,000 dollars in its earning was recorded, resulting in its turnovers being the extremely lower compared to two other banks in the next month.  
  
p/s: wish can get a lot of comments from all of you. I'm a newbie to ielts so please, don't judge me too hard.  
  
*
Where did you get the bank name? It appears that you made it up? It wasn't included in the chart you provided and the instructions you gave indicated a general reference to a bank, no specific name. If there was no specific name in the image provided, you do not need to make one up. You can simply say "unnamed bank". That happens sometimes. Do not feel the need to make up information where none is provided. It makes the information presentation inaccurate. Since this is a data report, you need to present precise, accurate data. That means, do not include information not found in the chart.  
  
The summary overview is not really complete. You should be presenting the information about the branch names, the value used for the turnover, and the trending statement. Your trending statement will be most useful in increasing your score if you combine it with the summary overview since the trending statement creates a concluding presentation for the overall observed information.  
  
Do not say "As can be seen" because your mindset has to be that the examiner will not have access to the image, so your report should create a mental picture of the information you are presenting. Be more imaginative than "As can be seen". Say something about the chart movement in relation to the information you want to say, is it a downward, upward, or stagnant presentation? Does it fluctuate in results? Consider using more imaginative descriptive words. By the way, the names I mistook for bank names? Those are actually bank branches. So do not refer to it as a bank name. Use alternatives to branch such as: arm, chapter, office, section, or wing. There are other possible references that you can figure out later on.  
  
Good work with the information presentation. It is relatively clear considering you had to write this within 20 minutes only. Your work is informative and highlights the comparison discussion based on facts. You stayed on track with the sentence requirements. You may try to aim for 5 sentences per paragraph next time, just to increase your scoring potential. I know you can do it. I see the evidence in front of me.  
  
I believe you can score well in this writing section. You just need practice and proper guidance. I hope I can do that for you. I hope I wasn't too harsh with my critique of your work. I am here to help you and sometimes, students don't want to hear what is wrong with their work. They just want to hear what they did right, which isn't going to help them improve. I try to balance my advice between the positives of the essay and the negatives.
@Holt  
thank you so much! Your review has been really helpful to me since you not only corrected me but also motivated me to work harder. I will pay more attention to what you have said. ヾ(・ω・)メ(・ω・)ノ  
  
By the way, you weren't critical at all ! In contrast, you seem to be a gentle and kind teacher who also has a wide knowledge in your field.
**## Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians

.  
*What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?***  
  
With the rapid development of Internet, lifestyle of entertainment stars is now profoundly shaping the preference and interest of general public. Commercial brands now tend to invest on these celebrities which make these celebrities gain more income than politicians. I do believe this is a negative trend for the society. Two of the principal reasons are explained as follows.  
  
Firstly, politicians are usually with higher education background and reputation. On the contrary, there is a relatively lower requirement for singers or actors. If a celebrity who is not even college-graduated can earn more than a well-educated politician, it definitely spreads a wrong message to the youngsters that studying is not necessarily the key to success. The fact can be proved by the increasing number of teenagers giving up university study to join singing contest, which also reflects their tendency to take shortcut to be famous and rich, instead of equipping themselves with knowledge.  
  
Further and more importantly, celebrities getting too much economic power can be a threat to our political development. For instance, current US President Donald Trump was once a renowned host of TV show. Taking advantage of his popularity, he became the most powerful man in the Status for the past years. However, the way he leads the country is widely criticized due to the lack of political mindset and knowledge. So I believe these important role should be reserved for well trained politicians.  
  
In conclusion, income earned by politicians should remain high enough to encourage capable candidates to contribute and improve the society. It is undoubtedly a negative trend to have entertainment stars takeover the superior status of politicians in our community.
FYI, Pres. Donald Trump is a graduate of the Wharton School of Business. He is not just a celebrity. Before he became a celebrity, He was a military school graduate, and a college graduate. As a professional, he was a hugely successful businessman who led the Trump Organization for decades until he divested himself in favor of his children. He dealt with politicians and celebrities as a real estate mogul long before he became a TV host. So he is not the right person to use as an example in this instance. He has political knowledge and a politician's mindset, it is just not of the common political kind.  
  
Your opening paraphrase does not reflect the original prompt. You used information that does not exist in the original presentation. It need to stick to the original topic representation. You could have said:  
  
*Superstars have a greater earning power than politicians these days. The reason for the reverse in income for these 2 occupations are caused by (present 2 connected reasons). Thinking about these reasons, I am convinced that this trend should be seen as a negative occurrence.*  
  
Your second reasoning paragraph totally disconnects from the given discussion instruction. The focus on Donald Trump doesn't make sense. He was already rich before he became a celebrity. Your opinion in that paragraph does not connect to the reason why celebrities earn more than politicians or vice versa. Always double check the original prompt against your draft discussion. Make sure you stay on track, do not deviate, you will receive points deductions for that in the TA and word count section. If your essay, without the irrelevant paragraph falls under the minimum word count, your essay score will be in trouble in the end.
@keithkwan14  
Personally, I think your topic sentence for the second paragraph doesn't give a clear overview: *Firstly, politicians are usually with higher education background and reputation.* Since main idea in this paragraph is that the injustice in recognizing politicians who gain higher education of the public will lead to false perceptions among young people, it's better to integrate 3 first sentences together.  
  
Moreover, as there are two questions in the task, I think you should answer both of them. I see that, in your essay, you just explained negative effects, and mentioned the 1st question (what....) in just one sentence.  
  
I hope these things can be useful for you.
Question:  
## Creativity should be used as the only true measure of intelligence.

  
  
***Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to addres the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.***  
  
Essay:  
Creativity has always paved the way of life. People are always encouraged to think creatively, think out of the box to provide better and elegant solutions to the most compelling problems faced by people in day to day lives. Without such creative thinking, all the technological developments that made life easy and convenient for us wouldn't exist. As such, I agree that creativity is a measure of intelligence but is not the only true measure. Intelligence of a person is not just defined by creativity  
  
but a variety of factors. Even if a person doesn't provide a novel solution, to even replicate a current solution requires some form of intelligence and expertise. And knowledge is one key factor that contributes to one's intelligence. I believe that creativity and knowledge together can account for the maximum part in measuring the intelligence of a person.  
  
There have been a ton of new inventions in the past decade which has revolutionized the lives of people. One such invention is smartphones. A small hand held device without which people are completely lost. To create such a small device with so many functionalities is definitely a great invention and many leading companies are still working on ways to improve user experience by coming up with novel designs. The person who came up with the idea to create a smart phone is creative but is he intelligent? If the person was not able to make this device in practice, then it would have been just and idea and people come up with ideas many a time but to actually implement a idea portrays true intelligence.  
  
On the other hand, creativity doesn't just imply coming up with new ideas. Artists are creative people. One great example would be Leonardo Da Vinci, an eminent artist of his time, painted many famous portraits such as 'Mona Lisa'. His creativity was revealed in his paintings and the significance that was tied to each of his painting. Moreover, there are many films that are novel in nature but that doesn't show or prove intelligence.  
  
There are people who strongly agree with the prompt and say that creativity is the one that makes the world better and many sophistications would not have reached people if not for creative thinking. I agree with this and hence I say that creativity is one part of intelligence but is not the only part. To measure a  
  
person's intelligence, multiple factors need to be attributed for and together they indicate it.
You discussed this essay from a singular point of view. You focused only on the defense of your position / opinion throughout the essay. You failed to use a compare and contrast format for the discussion. For every positive reason you present, you should be able to find a negative reason within it, or a counterargument. The counterargument is a required part of your discussion presentation. The instruction after all is to:  
  
*...be sure to addres the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.*  
  
If you review your essay, you will see that you failed to include a challenging discussion to your position. The essay lacks clarity because you did not try to challenge your own position. The discussion you presented actually just went around in circles. It did not really establish the strength of your opinion. A position that would have been established if you had analyzed your own position for possible flaws in your reasoning.  
  
You need to remember to use the compare and contrast format the next time you discuss a topic similar to this one. You may be able to use the following format next time:  
  
- Topic sentence  
- Reason you support the discussion  
- Opposing discussion related to the topic sentence  
- Reason why the opposition topic is supported by some  
- Explanation why the opposition is incorrect  
  
These content guides should help you write better reasoning paragraphs next time. These should help you get started on developing proper discussion paragraphs for topics such as these.