dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## students should choose a subject they desire

  
  
**My Essay:**  
  
Opinions are divided on whether undergraduate need to research what they enjoy or just be able to learn beneficial matter for their later career, including science and technology topics. Personally, I do think both views are reasonable as each has its own merits.  
  
*It is certainly true that* newly-graduated students should have a job to support themselves. They must be in the know about certain subject to do a good job, *whereas* today many professions need the help of scientific and technological advances resulting from the GNR Revolution including genetics, nanotechnology, robotics and the industrial revolutions including personal computers, internet of things, cloud computing, intelligence artefact, big data, cyber-physical system, smart cities, etc. *So* they are recommended to explore these helpful things while they are in college.  
  
*However*, there are other benefits of doing what they love. First of all, science and technology are such difficult issues that not everyone can learn it. *Besides*, they need to ensure the balance among field of study for sustainable development goal because a complete and perfect man is a person that is generally good at a wide range of things, either in a sector or many, for example, an all-rounder is a learner who is good at math, science, history and English. *Moreover*, the fact that all successes in life do not come from natural talents but from the effort and hard-working that can only be achieved by passion. We can found it in the examples of celebrity in a number of areas from science & technology such as Albert Einstein, Steve Job, etc. to athletic such as Christiano Ronaldo, Lionel Messi, etc. *And last but not least*, they tend to be expert with something that is our knack.  
  
For the reasons mentioned above, while studying the topics that will be useful in the future, it seems to me that students are more likely to be successful in their careers if they choose the subject they desire.  
  
(324 words) Thank you all in advance!  
  
*
Students tend to wrongly focus on the number of words written for the Task 2 test instead of the quality of the words written. It is definitely alright to write an essay between 275-300 words. The reason being that the student requires time to review and perfect the essay. That means making sure that the student has checked all of the ticking points off before the time runs out to correct the errors. Writing 324 words prevents you from doing that. Which is why the essay has some errors that cannot be ignored.  
  
You used an unnecessary hyphen when writing "newly graduated". Those are two words not two connected words. "So" is an introductory element and is always followed by a comma when used at the start of a sentence. The verb auxiliary form of "found" is find as in "we can find examples..."  
  
Try to use more ownership phrases at the start of your paragraphs. This essay is actually a 5 paragraph essay because you should have represented the public points of view in 2 separate paragraphs before your own opinion. In this case, the essay carries the feel of a single opinion essay. Specially since you did not properly paraphrase the introductory paragraph with the proper discussion outline. This paraphrased paragraph should have been 5 sentences long because of the discussion elements involved.  
  
The writing is good but lacking in proper point of view references. More work needs to be done for you to be able to properly paraphrase and conclude these discussion essays. Remember, it's all about the restatement. It has to be complete each time. It has to be a proper summary of the discussion points, said in new and varied ways at the beginning and at the end.
## The two maps show an island, before and after the construction of some tourist facilities

  
  
The two maps indicate the change in structure of an island while the first one is before and the second one is after  
Overall, comparing two maps, there are lots of significant changes after this development. Many facilities are built on the island and sea near the island is used for tourist activities  
  
The island before construction was huge and void with several palm trees and the beach in the west . The total length of the island is approximately 250 meters  
  
After the period, the island is developed dramatically into an attractive tourist place. The most noticeable additions are the hotel rooms. There are 6 buildings surrounding some palm trees and 9 buildings on the centre of the island. Between two accommodation areas, a reception building and a restaurant has been developed . A pier has been built for sailing activities on the south of the island. The beach on the west has been used for swimming. However the east of the island hasn't been changed, it likes abandoning for a period.
You get some good ideas but you make several grammar and vocab mistakes.  
  
"The two maps ..."  
This is a run-on sentence, you should separate "The two maps indicate the change in structure of an island. The first one is before and the second one is after."  
  
"... and void with several palm trees ...". Don't use "void', it is very strained. I would fix "The island before construction was a huge wilderness with several palm trees and the beach in the west"  
  
"However the east of the island ...". You use non-existent word and depend on present perfect. I would write "However, the east of the island remained changed, it seemed to be abandoned for a period."  
  
Most important, I think past tense is suitable in maps and it may be risky to write in present tense.  
  
I guess this is your maps  
  
*
As I am not sure if the image supplied above is accurate and actually a part of the Task 1 essay that you wrote, I will not be referring to it in my review. It is your responsibility as the student, to post the image that accompanies your essay. It is not the responsibility of the people at this forum to supply you with that image. Kindly supply an image with your next posting should you decide to continue participating in this forum. In the meantime, let me give you a general review of your work. That is the best that can be done owing to your forgetting to upload the image with the post.  
  
Whenever you use an introductory element such as "However" and "So", you need to use a comma to separate the serious intonation of your statement from the actual information. The introductory element is used to hook the reader into the paragraph, so there needs to be a pause in order to allow the reader time to anticipate what the next discussion will be.  
  
Remember to use a comma when presenting a conjunction. That is because the conjunction is used to join together phrases or words within a sentence in a related manner. I am not sure if you should be using a word of uncertainty in this essay because the image normally gives a precise measurement. So you need to present the measurement as factual instead of uncertain in the report. Do not use contractions in the sentence such as "don't". This is a professional and academic report, keep the tone formal by spelling out the word. Do not use casual English references.
## Television viewing figures for sports by country, in millions

  
  
The table below gives information about the number of people who used television for sports in different countries.  
It is clear that the figure for tennis in 4 different countries was the highest, the opposite was true for Athletics. It is remarkable that the number of USA citizens viewing TV for sports was higher than the other countries.  
  
Looking at 2 leading sports, tennis and golf, both of them was the most watched by most of people in all 4 sports. While the number of inhabitants in 4 countries watching tennis was nearly the same height from 6 to 7 million people, the opposite was true for golf. It is remarkable that the number of USA citizens viewing golf on TV was the highest figure shown on the table, at exactly 11,2 million, by contrast, the figure for the others was under 4,5 million populations.  
  
Meanwhile the number of citizens viewing athletics in 4 specific countries was 16,9 million at about from 3 to 5,5 million people for each of the 4 countries, the figure for motor racing was the lowest number shown on the table, at 12,7 million inhabitants. It is noticeable that UK had the number of watching motor racing was the highest in 4 countries, with 6,4 million, while the figures for Australia, USA and Canada were only 3,7; 1,5; 1,1 million respectively.  
  
*
You have actually written too many words for this essay. The aim is to spend only 20 minutes on this task. The number of words that you wrote tells me you used 40 minutes to write it instead. Remember, you need to use more time for the Task 2 essay. The task 1 essay is just a simple report so the word count is anywhere from 150-175 words. 200 would be the highest maximum word count, but that means you won't be allotting time for your review and revision for the content of your work.  
  
Don't forget to use a comma after adverbials like million **,** respectively. You need to list the names of the countries in the chart as a part of the summary overview. It helps you to meet the required sentence count. It also forces you to use required information only instead of word fillers as you did in this essay. A long essay will not guarantee a high score, only a well written essay can do that.
## Explain a risk you have taken in your life. What did you learn from it?

  
  
Sometimes in life people take risks and in my case I changed my whole life because I fell in love with my now husband. In 2014, I met Stacey in Seattle while I was visiting the city, 6 months after we met he came to Spain to spend the summer at my house. After spending that summer together we decided to start a relationship and because I did not have a job at that time, Stacey and I decided that I should be the one moving to Seattle.  
  
Moving to another country 9 hours behind and with no family or friends was a risk for me, I was leaving everything I love in my town to start a new life with the man that I loved. Also, the risk was even bigger because we just knew each other for about a year and I did not know if our relationship was going to work out. Moreover, my family was sad and worried when I told them what was going to happen, specially my mother.She tried to change my mind and gave me many good reasons to stay at home.  
  
Luckily, moving to another country changed my life forever but in a good way and because of my decision, I have a wonderful life with my husband Stacey and I learned that even when the road is hard never give up because after the storm there is always a bright day. I am not going to lie, it was not easy but nowadays I can say that taking that risk gave me professional opportunities and chances to travel to my country at least twice a year.  
  
Even though was a hard decision, I thought that I needed to discover by myself if my life with Stacey in Seattle was going to work out. I strongly believe that people should face this type of situations in life where they need to make a hard decision, because what may be risky one day it could be the best choice in life.
Hello andreita89pp, here are some feedbacks for your essay  
- You should add a comma after these words: **in life, in my case, after we meet, that summer together.** Some sentence with have the words**"and", but", " never",**you should put a comma before them.  
  
- especially  
-In the last paragraph, the subject is missing  
-this type of situation~~s~~  
Hope you find these comment useful.Thank you so much.
hi!  
here are my comments:  
- my now husband -> my current husband  
- "In 2014, I met Stacey in Seattle while I was visiting the city, 6 months after we met he came to Spain to spend the summer at my house" -> not natural. I think you can say: " In 2014, I met Stacey in Seattle in my visit to this city. 6 months later, he came to Spain and spent the summer with me. Since then, we decided to start a relationship,...."
I strongly suggest that you do not mention any identifying names in your test essay, should the opportunity arise. Protect your privacy. Do not mention any identifying information. Keep your privacy protected. You don't really discuss lessons that you have learned in life. You just speak of the way that your relationship developed and how much you enjoy it. There is no conflict from which you should have learned a lesson. Instead, you make it seem like your life was not really challenged by the move that you made. While this is a simple essay, I don't think it scores well enough in terms of representing the discussion prompt. This is still a 3 scoring essay.
***Colour is a powerful tool that is used to great effect by manufacturers and retail companies when they try to sell us something. In fact, many of the purchasing decisions we make are partly or largely influenced by colour.*  
  
## How true is this statement? How much does colour influence us when we buy something?**  
  
In recent years, color has been considered to be one of the most effective marketing strategies in many businesses. Besides the product quality, the color partly affects consumer choices when they want to buy something.  
  
Through some market surveys, it is obvious that the company can increase profits by taking advantage of color, which affects buyer behavior in different ways. First, one must be aware that the color has a significant impact on the consumer's psychology. For example, in order to evoke the feeling of youthful and optimistic from shoppers, the company can design a trademark with a yellow background that catches many teenager's eyes. Second, in the competitive market, many manufacturers and retail companies use the color to increase brand recognition. Through color design, they can draw the consumer's attention, enhance consumer confidence, and clarify the characteristic of a product or service.  
  
The use of color is a vital step in the process of creating an effective sales plan, but it cannot completely dominate the buyer's choice. Due to the difference in the personal economy, the budget is an inevitable factor that leads the consumer to buy a good. In fact, the shopper won't buy overpriced footwear, which they cannot afford although it has perfect color. In addition, cultural diversity has affected shopping habits from country to country. For instance, the females in West Bengal or Assam would prefer buying sarees as compared to Westerns.  
  
In conclusion, the color is a critical component in advertising the product to the customer and make a good impression on the company brand.
Hello,  
Besides is an adverb. You put it at the beginning so that a comma should follow this word, not a noun (Besides,...)  
"~~Through~~ According to some market surveys"  
First is an adjective, use Firstly,... or if this statement is significant, you should use First and foremost,...  
Second -> Secondly or you can use "In addition,..." to add a further supporting argument to a previous point.
Your discussion approach to this essay is not entirely correct. You were asked "How true is this statement? How much does colour influence us when we buy something?" Based on the question provided, the response to this essay was not to be based on research or a market survey but rather, a personal opinion which is based on personal experience. That part of the instruction was omitted in the prompt because this is an advanced essay writing question. That means, the examiner is assuming that you have an advanced English analytical ability and will be able to determine how to properly discuss the essay. You did not really approach the essay properly since you based the information on a market review instead of a personal experience.  
  
The pronoun to be used in this essay is first person. While you can avoid using pronouns, the fact that you are being asked about the truth of the statement indicates the need to use the first person pronoun. The conclusion is even more problematic. You only presented one sentence. It should be at least 3 sentences representative of a reasoning discussion summary.
**Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reduce traffic accidents. Others, however believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both views give your own opinion**.  
  
People have different views when they are looking for a method to ensure the safety of vehicles and pedestrians. I believe that the answer for this question should be the combination of punishments and range of measures.  
  
On the one hand, strict punishments can certainly help to ensure to drive more safely. Harsh penalties for careless driver prevent them from repeating their offences again. The most serious penalty could be prison sentence of up to 5 years. The aims of these punishment is to warn dangerous drivers against breaking the rule, furthermore, raise their driving habits. As a result drivers would be more careful behind the wheel and more disciplined.  
  
On the other hand, safe driving can be better in different ways without the need of punishing drivers. I believe that government should spend more money on upgrading public transportation which might lead to fewer people travel by cars. One thing that is noticeable about children is that they can be easily educated than adults, traffic law should be added as a part of education sectors in primary school to raise the road safety awareness. This is significant that traffic signs should be placed along the road in order to give drivers adequate time to respond to the command.  
  
In conclusion, while punishments can prevent bad driving and make drivers worry about payment. other road safety measures should be conducted into reality. It would be more effectively if we put them together to make a huge effect on road safety.
You have misunderstood the information in the prompt. There are 2 points of view being supplied:  
  
- strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reduce traffic accidents  
- other measures would be more effective in improving road safety  
  
Based on these 2 discussion points, a collective set of instructions were provided:  
- Discuss both views give your own opinion.  
  
Count the number of topics to be discussed; 2 public points of view plus one personal opinion. 3 Reasoning paragraphs required. Count the parts of the essay:  
  
- Paraphrase statement  
- First public point of view discussion  
- Second public point of view discussion  
- Personal opinion presentation  
- Concluding summary  
  
There are a total of 5 paragraphs to be presented. You only presented 4 paragraphs in your essay. Each paragraph does not use an ownership reference to the opinion being discussed to represent the 2 public discussion points. Therefore, both reasoning paragraphs will be seen as personal opinions. You will lose TA and word count points for this error. The essay will be deemed under the word count because you are discussing only your personal opinion. Ownership words you could start the sentences with are "The people support the punishment point of view because, The alternative punishment supporters say that, I compared the two opinions and decided that...These discussion points should be considered well because..."  
  
Subject - verb agreement problems showed up when you said "The aims of these punishment is", Aims is plural so it should be "The aims of these punishmentS ARE." When using an introductory element in "As a result drivers", place a comma after the phrase "As a result, " The concluding summary should be divided into more sentences. This is a run-on presentation.
## lack of housing in most of the big cities

  
  
In recent years, the majority of people living in cities are facing a severe problem of lacking accommodation. Although this problem can be contributed to a whole host of reasons, some feasible solutions have been offered to address this.  
  
There are several seasons of housing shortage in large cities. Firstly, since the population in the world is soared rapidly, the demand for accommodations increased as it is in direct ratio with the number of residents in cities. For example, the capital of Finland has the same area to Beijing in China, but the housing shortage of Beijing is receiving more attention from people because the number of residents in this city is by far higher than that of the capital of Finland. Additionally, as a result of inequitable development between many cities, today, more and more young people go to cities to find a good job with a higher salary than they can earn in their villages, especially in big cities or industrialization areas. Consequently, the population density in those cities will increase, which leads to a severe shortage of housing.  
  
However, to deal with this noticeable issue the authorities can consider some solutions. Firstly, a feasible solution but not novel, by demolishing former buildings to make space for skyscrapers, governments can increase the number of housing with the same areas. For example, an old with litter apartments can be replaced by a fashion building with hundred of flats, which means that more accommodations are created so the lack of housing can be addressed. Moreover, if the governments allocate national budgets equitably to remote areas, the economy in that area will develop and create more jobs for residents. This means that those people in that countryside no longer need to go to big cities to make a living, as a result, the number of people in big cities will be dispersed in other areas. Then, the population in large cities will decrease and the housing shortage is solved.  
  
In conclusion, the lack of housing in the majority of big cities in the world can be attributed to several seasons. By building more skyscrapers or allocating budgets for remote areas, the governments can put this problem under control.
You made some spelling and grammatical mistakes:  
  
Paragraph 2:  
"reasons" not "seasons";  
The population of the world is SOARING rapidly, the demand for accommodation is increasing/increases  
  
Paragraph 3:  
"Firstly, a feasible solution but not ... " this sentence need to be revised : "a feasible but not novel solution is demolishing..." . I think you should write two sentences in stead of one like this to avoid making mistake.