dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hi everyone. I am practicing writing to score around 7.0. I look forward to your comments and correction. Many thanks!  
  
**Task:  
## Explain some of the ways in which humans are damaging the environment.

  
*What can governments do to address these problems? What can individual people do?***  
  
Over the past decade, environmental issues have become a hotly debated topic among others since people constantly do harm to our living place. This essay will mention some ways which threaten our environment and some actions that countries and their citizens could take to tackle those issues.  
  
In order to achieve the convenience that human beings have today, we have made good use of the mainly natural resources which are fossil fuels. However, consuming coal, oil, gas for the world production and transportation has released a great amount of emissions, which cause air pollution and global warming. In addition, the availability of all kinds of products also encourages people to consume more, which lead to the overproduction of waste.  
  
Governments could certainly help improve this situation. The public transportation system should be facilitated and upgraded to be convenient, which will help attract much more people using it. When a lot of people use the public transport, the burden on the environment will be decreased. In terms of managing waste, more waste processing facilities should be built to effectively handle the waste.  
  
Each person can also join hands to save the environment by trying to use public transport like subway, bus or simply sharing vehicles with friends or neighbors. We could bring our own bags when going shopping and try to recycle as much as possible. Nowadays, a lot of stores provide consumers with sustainable packaging such as biodegradable or cloth bags and straws made from paper, wood or even flour.  
  
In conclusion, it is vital that each of us makes effort to protect our environment in every day activities.
Your presentation is uneven and incomplete. You are being asked for 2 ways that we damage the environment and suggestions as to how the public and the government can fix the problem. The discussion approach per paragraph should have been:  
  
Sentence 1: Method by which humans damage the environment  
Sentence 2: Why this damages the environment  
Sentence 3: What the government can do to solve the problem  
Sentence 4: What people can do to help the government solve the problem  
Sentence 5: Transition sentence (optional)  
  
Note that the discussion asks for plural reasons and solutions. Therefore, you should present 2 problems in the 2 reasoning paragraphs, properly developed to reflect the information I provided above. That is the presentation that will allow you to present a clear and related series of discussion sentences in every paragraph. That is the correct format for the discussion.
*IELTS Task 1:  
**The line graph gives information about the number of Iranian, Greek and Turkish students who enrolled at Sheffield University between 2005 and 2009.***  
## *Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.*

  
  
The line graph provided demonstrates how many students from Iran, Turkey and Greece were admitted to Sheffield University from 2005 to 2009. Overall, Greece and the other two countries diverged evidently in student enrollment. Greek students enrolled at a slower pace, while more and more Turkish and Iranian students entered the university.  
  
In 2005, Sheffield University enrolled much more Greek students than those from any other country listed, 180 to less than 40. However, Greek freshmen rapidly diminished to approximately 70 in 2007, by which Greece was overtaken by Iran and Turkey in enrollment. Afterwards, Greek student enrollment continued to slide, to about 30 in 2009.  
  
The enrollment of Iranian students growed in parallel with that of Turkish students by 2008, when the former began to soar. In 2009, Iran became the largest source country as 160 Sheffield University freshmen were Iranian, a striking rise from less than 40 in 2005. The number of Turkish students who enrolled in the university also saw a considerable increase, from around 20 in 2005 to over 120 in 2009.  
  
*
My suggestions might be wrong because I'm not a native english speaker, but i've been in the US for over 8 years so they are considerable.  
  
**--paragraph 1--**  
... Turkey**,** and Greece (you have to end with a ", and" because your descrbing a series)  
  
**--paragraph 2--**  
180 to less than 40. ----> according to the graph, the number is around 45  
  
Afterward~~s~~, ... (afterwards is not a word)  
  
**-- paragraph 3--**  
Iranian students growed -----> grown(sounds more appropriate)  
  
parallel with that of Turkish students by 2008 ----> according to the graph, Iranian and turkish are touching, but parallel means they are not touching. Also, "with that of" doesn't make sense.  
  
hopefully these will help.
In the summary overview, you could have avoided using the word "evidently" as the word "diverged" is clear enough. Do not over emphasize in your presentations as this could lead to incorrect grammar usage (e.g. diverged evidently), which may affect the GRA score for the task 1 essay. You should also avoid over used English phrases such as "more and more". Use a more academic term such as "continued to increase" or "continued to enter universities."  
  
"Much more" is redundant. Use "more" instead. Most of your errors in this presentation, as far as I can tell, have to do more with English fluency than anything else. You are over using English phrases which do not really apply to the presentation such as; "by which Greece was overtaken" ( correcty: in 2007, after which, Greece was over taken...). Another GRA error that screams on the page is "The enrollment of Iranian students growed (grew) in parallel to..."  
  
At this point, you need to focus on polishing your sentence structures and grammar. You need to sound natural. Don't over do the presentation by using the tired phrases and word references. Be careful in your tense usage as well. You can relax though, even with these errors, I am confident that you will get a higher than average passing score in the Task 1 test.
IELTS Writing Task 2:  
Topic:  
***The most effective way to solve the current traffic and pollution problems in cities is to encourage people to move from the suburbs or the countryside into the city centre.***  
  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
Answer:  
Traffic and pollution-related issues have been cited as one of the most complicated issues that require governments to impose strict measures to address. While it is believed that stimulating the influx of rural citizens to the innermost metropolitan areas is the ultimate solution to tackle the described problems above, I completely disagree with this view.  
  
On the one hand, the mentioned scheme above will deteriorate the existing gridlocked rush-hours traffic and pollution-related problems. Indeed, immigration will contribute to explosive growth in the number of city dwellers whose private cars will exert severe pressure on road capacity. Take Bangkok as a prime example, the year-on-year soar in the number of cars stemmed from immigrated rural citizens is exacerbating bottlenecks in the city centre, which forms a lengthy queue of cars at peak hours. Additionally, the migration of rural people to urban areas will exert detrimental impacts on the environment, especially air quality. The demand for car ownership of these people will put air quality at high risks of being severely polluted since the fossil fuels burning of private cars is likely to worsen air pollution, the main contributor to climate change.  
  
On the other hand, motivating rural citizens to urban areas might urge the government to embark on different schemes to enhance traffic infrastructure. In practice, yearly road expansion projects are implemented in developing countries to alleviate traffic congestion as well as traffic collisions triggered by the excessive increase in the number of suburbs citizens whose private cars will overwhelm road capacity. In tandem with this, the government might encourage commuters to use public transports, including sky trains and underground trains once immigration is encouraged, which will mitigate air pollution.  
  
In conclusion, I am not in favour of stimulating people from the countryside as well as suburbs to the innermost urban areas to tackle traffic and pollution-related problems though this scheme might bring about several advantages.
Do not leave your opening paraphrase hanging. You already said that you disagree with the point of view, so the next question is, why? You have 2 sentences in the opening paraphrase to state your supporting reasons as a part of the TA score. So, after you restate the topic and reasons, then providing your measured opinion, tell the examiner why. That way you can immediately use the topic sentences to start your reasoning paragraphs. This will keep the essay short, focused, and clear in discussion to the examiner.  
  
This is not a comparison essay. So you will only receive a score for the paragraphs that support your given opinion. The problem with that is, you will have word deductions for the paragraph that does not support your opinion explanation. This is why I caution students and ask them to avoid using comparative discussions in single opinion essay presentations. If you fall under the minimum word count, after the non-related discussion paragraph is removed, then you risk not getting a passing score in the overall scoring consideration.  
  
Kindly avoid writing long sentences that tend to compress various discussion topics into one sentence. That creates incoherent sentence presentations. Always maximize the 3-5 sentence allowance per paragraph. Using one idea per sentence helps to clarify the discussion and in the process, increase your C&C score as well.
## Memorising facts is the most important way to succeed in education.

  
***To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.***  
  
Some people hold an opinion that the most vital method to achieve the success in studying is learning everything by remembering related facts. From my perspective, I immensely disconcur with this point of view.  
  
First and foremost, education is a process, people will forget knowledge in long term when merely memorizing facts. A survey conducted demonstrates that people have the ability of keeping knowledge in their mind in a certain period of time for around 5 years. Afterward they have tendency to forget those things and leave the rooms to remember current facts. Admittedly, students who learn facts by rote before exams cannot complete their test efficiently because it is difficult to remember everything permanently.  
  
Secondly, remembering facts turns out to be an adverse effect in learning when people cannot comprehend those facts. That is to say, people will hardly utilize those facts they only memorized without understanding to apply them in practice. Therefore they cannot be successful when being educated to merely learn something by heart, whereas they must be encouraged to spend time learning facts and arranging them in a logical system over and over. For instance, learning history is never easy if people just keep numbers and facts in their mind, on the top of that, they ought to explain the reason why those facts happens and their significance to the history.  
  
In conclusion, I strongly disapprove that people will be successful in studying by learning facts when not understanding the core of the information because education is an extremely sophisticated process.
First up, there is no such word as "disconcur". Either you concur or you "do not concur", do not make up words because your LR score will receive major point deductions for it. Next, always make sure that you have the 3-5 sentence format represented in each paragraph. Do not rely on long sentences for your presentations. Longer sentences mean more GRA errors. Keep it short and informative. One idea per sentence. For example:  
  
*Academic accomplishments are better achieved by committing information to memory. This is the belief held by some people. I completely do not agree with this statement. My reason for this is based on 2 factors: ... and ....*  
  
Now, you are asked to provide information based on your knowledge or experience. So if you had said that you have trouble remembering data you just memorized, that would have scored you better in the C&C section rather than when you said "A survey conducted", which refers to researched information rather than personal knowledge or publicly known facts.
## information about immigration to the United States

  
  
The data illustrate that migration to the United State from 1850 to 1930.  
  
First of all, there was a fluctuate from 1850 to 1870, and then increase dramatically from 1870 to 1880 and from 1890 to 1990. What is more it reached a peak in 1990.  
  
Secondly, it declined steadily from 1880 to 1890 and from 1910 to 1920. Furthermore, it decreased sharply from 1900 to 1910 and from 1920 to 1930.  
  
Thirdly, in 1882 Other European were the largest country to immigrate into the USA, and then Non-European were the smallest part of immigration into the USA. In addition Germany and Ireland were almost in the same proportion.  
  
Finally, in 1907 Austria-Hungary, Italy and Russia were three proportions in the same percentage. In fact there were the majority of immigration to the USA. In addition, Other European were in the forth which immigrated to the USA fell drastically. Last, Non-European remained the smallest one.  
  
*
You did not identify the type of images provided, which became the source of your data. It is important to identify the type of image prior to giving the information because the reader needs to create a mental picture of the data indicated. The source of information should also signify the type of information provided in each image. Your summary overview is therefore incomplete. It failed to identify the 3 images provided and what information is provided in each image, which would be the basis of your comparison information within your reporting essay.  
  
You should also show a uniformity in your paragraph presentations, the most minimum number of sentences would be 3, with a maximum of 5. Without it, you are not properly reporting the essay information. You are also lowering your GRA score by relying in long sentences instead of analytical sentences within the presentation.
Hi, I think your analysis of the line graph is a bit confusing. Below in my thought. I hope it's helpful.  
  
-- **No more than 3 million people immigrated to America ever decade from the 1850s to the 1870s, but the figure swung up to a record high of near 9 million in the 1900s.**  
  
I think that it would be better to list information in time sequence.
## IELTS TASK 2 - TECHNOLOGY AND TRAVEL

  
  
*Topic: Internet technology means people do not need to travel to foregin countries to understand how others live. To what extent do you agree or disagree?*  
  
It is believed by some that people can easily apprehend oversea life with the development of internet and technology without traveling to those countries. While I agree that internet technology has several benefits in gaining knowledge about other countries, I would argue that traveling is more likely to be a practical method to completely experience foreign life.  
  
On the one hand, it is unquestionable that advance technology including internet has some sorts of imformation. Internet and technology development makes it more accessable to all the information that people want to know through available searching tools like Google. Therefore, it is easier for them to imagine the oversea life and cultures through documents like photos, videos and films. Moreover, internet provides people with all sources of available information with no cost, so they can save time and money but still can study about another local customs.  
  
However, I believe that travelling play a crucial role in order to acquire knowledge about different territories. It is obvious that the majority of internet information is all about the bright side of a country instead of the dark side; therefore, those untested information can not help people completely, fully learn about one different country like learning themselves by listening and seeing directly. Besides, destining to another king dom not only gains people's knowledge geographically but also aprehend and experience about their heritage which is not available on the internet. Thus, travelling is essential to know about oversea countries and their people.  
  
In conclusion, internet technology can give people information about some aspects of a different country but it can not compare with real experience through tourism  
  
(272 words)
There is an error in your task accuracy rendition within the prompt restatement. The question is: To what extent do you agree or disagree? Your response was that of an agreement, based on a comparative discussion since you agree but disagree with the given statement. This is only a single opinion essay, so you need to pick the extent of your support to one of the given opinions. Either you agree (to a certain extent) with the statement or you disagree (using a measured response) with the thought provided. You cannot discuss both opinions because you are provided with a single opinion choice through the word "or".  
  
As such, your overall response format is incorrect. Like I said, this is not a comparative discussion, which is what you did. Therefore, your discussion does not provide a clear opinion, as required by the single opinion discussion requirement. You will lose tremendous TA percentage scores because of that lack of clarity in your discussion. Pick one side and discuss it. Otherwise, you could end up failing the test.  
  
I am predicting a test failure for you with this essay because, aside from the incorrect response format, you also have other errors in the presentation. A quick scan of your visible errors include LR and GRA errors. All of which will combine with your low TA score, resulting in a lower than expected overall score.
Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.  
  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.  
  
It would be argued by some that rising the number of sports centres positively affect  
social health. In my opinion, however, this would have limited benefit to people's health and other methods need to be applied.  
On the one hand, there are a number of reasons why some think that the more outdoor and indoor games centers are constructed, the more public health is improved. The first reason is that playing sport and doing exercise  
  
is one of the best way to stay in the good condition of physical and mental health. For instance, having a football match with friends everyday help us keep fit and relax after a long busy day. The second reason is that if there are many novel sports amenities built, there will more and more kind of amenities that suit each age and gender groups. So everybody will have good place which is appropriate for them to exercice and play games  
  
On the other hand, I would argue that growing the number of sports facilities would not have to much effect on health of society and other approaches need to be incorporated. Firstly, although there are now comparatively a range of games facilities with some different types, the proportion of people attend to the amenities is still inadequate. People seem to underestimate the significant of the practicing sports and doing exercise. So instead of only construct the games facilities, we should also increase the awareness of people about the important of the sport via educating at school and mast communication. Secondly, we ought to develop the health centers and the sports coach systems. Which will help people avoid the risk of suffering the injuries during exercise and improve health in the most optimal way  
  
In conclusions, though some people think that only developing the sports centres system would help rise the social health. I personally believe that this restrictedly benefit to public health and some the other certain methods should be applied.
Dear Peterpen! your writing is good and you will get the best band in your test, but here are some points that may you consider while you write an essay. Firstly, just focus on your essay structure for example there is no a clear thesis statement so when a reader read your essay in the fist paragraph can understand what it is about. Secondly, in this kind of essay at the beginning generally write a bout both side and finally your opinion should be just about oneside as the question required.
## advantage and disadvantage of studying abroad

  
  
Could you please give me some advice on this essay? Can you tell me ho­w much band score can I get? thank you  
Topic: In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad.  
  
What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?  
  
Nowadays, when the quality of life improves remarkably, despite finding a job in the hometown, the trend of studying abroad of young people who graduated from universities increases dramatically. In this essay, I will discuss both the benefits and drawbacks of this problem.  
  
On the one hand, there are several reasons why adolescents usually have partialities study in different countries. The first reason is they can have more opportunities to improve their language skills. For example, my friend has learned in Korea for 2 years, thus she had more chance to talk to a lot of native speakers so her ability to speak and listen boots substantially. In addition, studying abroad is actually an interesting experience for foreign students to study and meet lots of different people from all over the world. For instance, from each year, the universities in the united states always welcome a thousand of international students from many places in the world, so foreign students can make new friends, and research into the latest culture, broaden their common knowledge, know more about things that they could not find them on books or television shows.  
  
On the other hand, there are a number of disadvantages of studying abroad that people can take into consideration. Firstly, a lot of foreign students underwent cultural shock. They feel lonely in a distant place , no friends, no family, there are too many strange things they have never know before and they do not know how to overcome these difficulties. Secondly, studying abroad is extremely expensive. in order to learn in other country, a student needs financial resources, It a big trouble for many students want to live and study abroad.  
  
In conclusion, studying abroad has both pros and cons, then a foreign student need to think carefully before make a decision to study abroad or not