dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
I do not get a true sense of being motivated to study this course as a 2nd degree on your part. The writer needs to prove that there is an actual connection between Genetics and Bioengineering and Biological Data Analysis as it applies to Data science and Math. Being a fresh graduate, you should have had a clear opportunity to merge the 2 fields, even on an experimental basis at some point. Discuss that point clearly and then, explain how Biological Data Analysis will help you further your interests in the field. What doyou specifically want to learn about and why? How does it relate toa career goal? you touch very lightly on these aspects in this essay. Make these your only focus instead.
You can never cite yourself in an essay or any other witten work. Only other information references and people may be used as other data or opinion sources. Therefore, it is grammatically incorrect to say   
  
According to me  
. Only first person pronoun references can be used when stating a personal opinion, insight, or information gleaned from personal knowledge and / or experiences.  
  
Areas of the presentation neglect the use of the aforementioned pronouns as well. Thus, creating a confusing sentence. Who is the speaker? It is not difficult to keep track of whois speaking and referring to the person properly. That is the writers main concern in relation to written thought clarity.  
  
The sentences are not well developed in areas of subject-verb agreement as well. Though I can fill in the blanks being an English native speaker, an ESI will have difficulty understanding certain sentences in this paragraph / statement.
## As children become adults, their social behaviour changes in some ways

  
  
When children become adults, their social behavior is radically different compared to them in the past. While many people believe that these changes negatively affect their lives, I would argue that there are many positive influences it has on people's daily life.  
  
The features of children's attitudes that dramatically change when they grow up are their characteristics. As an adult, they will become more independent in their social life. During adolescence, teenagers gain many valuable experiences as well as master their skills in order to have a good occupation. Consequently, they don't have to rely on their parent's budget to live day by day in adulthood. Instead, they have the ability to earn a huge amount of money to cover their demands and to fulfill their filial duty. In addition, people will be more mature when they reach 18 years old, the age when people can think of marriage and a variety of big concerns unlike a spontaneous infant. Furthermore, as an adult, people will have responsibilities for their behaviors and what they do. For instance, a man at a vulnerable age is in charge of making profits for his family and his country. Conversely, a boy who only knows how to study and do housework is careless about surrounding people.  
  
There are many advantages that changes in social behavior have on people's lives.  
Firstly, it makes people become more reliable to surrounding friends. People gradually gain trust from their boss and colleagues and progressively play a pivotal role in their company compared to young workers. The best illustration for this is that many key positions in enormous companies are held by old and experienced people. Secondly, the way that society treats them is also modified. They are regarded as a part of the society and contribute to the developments of the country.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that when children grow older, their social attitudes also change considerably, therefore positively affecting their life and their position in the society.
The essay will automatically receive a failing score because it does not adhere to the provided discussion requirements which are:  
  
- What are the main differences between young children's social behavior and that of adults?  
- To what extent are the changes that take place good?  
  
While the restatement is aligned with the orginal, the thesis basis is unrelated to the orginal questions. These errors in response are what created the failing score scenario for this essay. The response format was very important in this case. Specific references to the changes and the positive extent statement based on a personal opinion, without a public opinion reference should have been directly represented. It was the lack of proper responses that made that section fail due to prompt alterations in the opinion response.  
  
Now, since the reasoning paragraphs are in accordance with the questions, these could help the essay achieve a base passing score but no more than that. The final score will also be affected by the lack of wordcount in the concluding summary.That paragraph needs at least 40 words or 2 sentences to meet the scoring requirement.
## different nationalities in Australia

  
  
The pie chart illustrates the percentage of people from five nations living in Australia while the table describes the distribution of people in rural and urban areas based on nationalities.  
  
In general, it can be said that the majority of Australia's population are Australian. Moreover, there are more residential areas established downtown than those in the countryside.  
  
According to the pie chart, Australians make up approximately three-fourth of the total population, which is significantly higher than those from other four nations. Dutch is the country which has the lowest citizens living in Australia, only 1 percent is recorded on the chart.  
  
As can be seen from the table, most Chinese people prefer to live downtown rather than in the countryside, followed by New Zealanders with 90 percent in the urban areas and 10 percent in the rural areas. On the contrary, the number of Australians living in the city takes the lowest position among five nationalities while the percentage in the countryside accounts for 20 percent, which ís the highest number of citizens compared to the four remaining nations.  
  
*
When writing the summary overview it is important that the information prounded in individualized. It must never be a part of a run on sentence. The word "and" cannot be used as a transition word when dealing with or indicating 2 different sets of information as in those related to a table and pie chart. Though related by topic, these are not related by information. Hence, the need to separate the image presentations.  
  
The general trend as presented only focused on the highs. While acceptable ,the most accurate representation in this paragraph would be a general reference to the highs and lows of each image. This to show a summarized analysis on the part of the writer.  
  
The reporting paragraphs show a lack of sentence development skills in his writing. He has mistaken run-on sentences for complex sentences. The paragraphs are mostly compressed idea presentations that cannot qualify as simple or complex. There should be at least 3 sentence presentations per paragraph. These paragraphs do not come across as trely analyzed due to the sentence format situation.
***Nowadays it is more important to plant trees in open spaces in towns and cities than building houses.  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree***  
  
The controversy of whether humans should prioritize planting trees in open spaces in towns and cities rather than building houses recently provokes heated debate among citizens. From my perspective, I partly agree with this former statement since both planting trees and housing play crucial roles in our daily lives.  
  
On the one hand, it is universally acknowledged that planting trees bring huge benefits to city dwellers. First, they give assistance to improve air quality, especially in metropolitan cities. With the advent of industry and technology, the environment is gradually contaminated by enormous amounts of CO2 emissions. Subsequently, trees play a pivotal role in absorbing those toxic fumes and releasing O2 that contributes to the improvement of air quality, which can reduce respiratory issues among people who live in cities. Furthermore, trees create shade and a peaceful atmosphere that enable citizens to take part in outside activities. Therefore, stress and other mental problems can be limited, leading to the fact that the living standard of city dwellers is increasing in the long term. A study conducted by Cambridge University students suggests that looking at the green of tree leaves for 30 minutes per day can significantly soothe one's mind and recharge their battery after a hectic working day.  
  
On the other hand, housing is believed to contribute greatly to the process of ensuring habitants' living standards. Initially, the increasing population poses a threat to the governments to solve the issue of affordable housing for citizens. Consequently, more trees have been cut down to make room for new houses with a view to meet the demand of city dwellers. For instance, in metropolises such as Beijing or Shanghai, housing comes out at the top due to the excessive number of people. Another justification is that without enough homes, people in such big cities are likely to be homeless, leading to a high crime rate that involves drug addiction or violence. This phenomenon could be detrimental to any countries' development; therefore, prioritizing housing can partly tackle this issue and ensure the quality of life for citizens.  
  
In conclusion, planting trees and building houses both have significant impacts on city dwellers. Governments and authorities should have feasible measures to strike a balance between these two factors so that the living standard of habitats will be improved in the future.
There are clear problem points in the opening restatement. The first problem is that the writer is exaggerating the statement from the original by using inflammatory words such as "controversy" and "provokes heated debate". Neither claim is referenced in the original so the restatement has become inaccurate. An idea was presented so, an idea should be restated. Second among the other problems of this essay are the use of the original reference topic   
  
in open spaces in towns and cities rather than building houses  
. The writer did not even try to restate the information in a different way. As such the restatement will fail due to the cut and paste / memorized reference. However, the miter provided a well established opinion + thesis statement. That reduced the amount of deductions in that paragraph.  
  
The next problem that will cause additional deductions is the inclusion of a solution in the summary conclusion. As there is no requirement indicated for such a statement, this will be seen as a prompt alteration and relevant discussion. This section must only contain a paraphrasing of previous discussion points.
## the production of instant noodles

  
  
The given diagram depicts the process in which the instant noodles are manufactured. There are distinctly 8 different steps, from the initial storage silos to the eventual labeling and sealing.  
  
Looking at the first stages, the number of flour is contained in storage capacity before mixing with water and oi to convert a solid form. Following that, the rollers transfer the mixture to the machine system. During the next step, the mixture is spread into equal dough sheets and then divided into straight strips.  
  
At the fifth step, the manufactured chain continuously separates the noodles into each disc with the standard weight. Moving on to the next stage, the noodles are cooked with oil and dried to put into the cups. From this, packing the vegetables and special spices is the main factor that makes different flavors between the brands. The mechanism of chain ends completing the canned noodles with the labeling and sealing.
Avoid redundancies in word usage. Distinct and different are similar in reference in this case as there are 8 different, thus distinct, steps in the manufacturing procedure. This may have an adverse effect on the LR scoring considerations. The trending statement is also missing in this presentation. That should be a strong and obvious reference towards the end of the summary. Reviewing the text again, it appears that the writer will benefit from further separating his summary sentences into individual topic references so that he can properly word the trending statement. As of now, that is clearly missing from the reference. The lack of image upload prevents me from showing the writer an example of how this can be done.  
  
The second instructional paragraph seems to be missing some information. While flour is mentioned as having a specific number, he did not refer to the actual measurement which I assume was referenced in the original presentation. The lack of complete information makes the sentence incomplete and difficult to understand.  
  
Why is there a sudden reference to canned noodles? The original simply said instant noodles. If these were to be canned, then that reference should have been indicated in the summary to create a proper and complete overview of the process from beginning to end. Such sudden appearances of information will tend to confuse the reader.
## Visiting Japan

  
  
If I have an opportunity I want to live in Japan. This country has many wonderful things that surprised me. Firstly, the quality of the food is very tasty. I used to eat an apple in Japan and I could not forget. Secondly, Japan had mountain scenery, I spent a long day taking many photos. Every place was beautiful. Finally, the culture in Japan is very special, have a unique point of view, for example, Japanese is patient, they can stand in line for about an hour to get the ticket but they do not feel uncomfortable about that. Moreover, when they eat, I am aware of their lips moving no sound. They are very polite and be afraid to bother others or make trouble. As a result, they will bring more burden and pain of life. I can spend a long day talking about Japan. I wish I can visit again.
The instruction asks the writer to talk about a country that he would like to visit repeatedly. That is totally the opposite of what the statement contains. The work is in error as it discusses a country where the author wants to live. That incorrect representation totally changes the information focus.  
  
Grammatical errors in relation to sentence formatting are also present. There seems to be a confusion as to when the writer should use "is or "are". He must review the verb usage rules for the aforementioned words. He should also review the rules for past and present tense usage. More importantly, he must avoid hanging sentence presentations in the statement. Not all of his sentences have clear subject- verb agreements either.
**TASK 2:  
*Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country.***  
  
## Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

  
  
- It is true that in the contemporary world, governments tend to gravitate towards developing the economy only, people, wheraeas, hold a belief that it would be better if the investment could be spent equally for other industries such as education and healthcare. Personally, I am in the flavor of the latter for several reasons.  
  
- It is obvious that the economy plays an important role in the development of each nation. A country with the potential economic ability is able to limit the residents' poverty. By investing more in the economy, the government could offer a variety of employment for local people, which leads to a reduction in joblessness. From there, that country would not be suffered from financial burden from unemployed individuals. Moreover, the economy is also considered as a ruler to measure one nation's development In fact, when looking at a specific country, the first and criteria would be judged is GDP (Gross Domestic Product). According to the Administration Office, 2021 Vietnam's GDP was recorded at around 271 billion USD, which is considered as a strong developing nation.  
  
On the other hand, besides the economy, I believe that the government should pay more attention to different industries to become a totally-developed country. Firstly, governments should allocate resources to education. It cannot deny that education is crucial to a nation's future. If the children are not well-educated, they would get into illegal activities and become juvenile crimes, which would be a big problem for every country. Secondly, healthcare also should be invested. The government is ought to enhance the life quality of residents by building more hospitals and improving the welfare system. Once people are fully-supplied, they will devote themselves to their country, which would push the development of the economy.  
  
In conclusion, the economy is vital to all nations around the world, though, governments should spend resources equally in other indutries to develop comprehensively.
The writer has written more than the required wordcount, but failed to proofread, edit, and discuss the given topic in the assigned format. From spelling errors, incorrect word usage, and disconnected reasoning paragraphs, the writer could have avoided these scoring deductions if he did not prioritize the word count over the quality of the presentation. I need not point out these obvious errors. The student should be able to easily spot these avoidable mistakes if he takes the time to review the paper now.  
  
The writer even goes so far as to alter the topic foundation by offering his personal opinion in the first sentence of the restatement. A big no - no that always results in point deductions. The opinion is always at the end of that paragraph, consolidated with the thesis statement.  
  
The provided discussions do not assess the public s against the writer's previously given statement. To presenta cohesive discussion, the public opinion must be considered along with his apposition or support in the paragraph. General discussions like these are seen as personal opinion alone in most cases. Without the paragraph comparisons, these will only be scored in a limited manner.
*Full topic:  
**Nowadays artificial intelligence is being used to drive car.***  
## Why is it happening ? Is it positive or negative development ?

  
  
Nowadays it is very often to see the advertisement of automobile's self-navigating system everywhere. Obviously, people shift to habit of automatic car driving gradually under assistance of artificial intelligence. This is a positive development that technology accomplishments contribute to daily life.  
  
We are living in an era which humans witness remarkable achievements on technology or computer science. It is true that all these advantages bring many benefits and one of these is using artificial intelligence in car driving. Majority of us find troublesome in driving our own cars everyday due to various distractions ,so we need a solution for this matter. Artificial intelligence is developed to tackle this question by integrating with the automobile's navigating system to give instructions to drivers. We take Tesla car as an example: driver gives order by voice or input by hands to the system the details of destination, then the system automatically figure out the route and give directions to driver. Hence, we will not fear or confuse whenever we start driving car anymore.  
  
In addition, Utilizing artificial intelligence in driving car is a positive improvement because it helps to predict the possible circumstances as: congestion area, traffic accidents or peak time . According to recent researches, there is a significant decrease on accidents on road after numerous automobile company started applying the artificial intelligence to control the driving process. Therefore, it is advisable that artificial intelligence technology should be an unseparated part of the automobile globally.  
  
In general, we ought to popularize the application of artificial intelligence in car driving to public in order that everyone understands the its benefits and accept to use it universally, and we educate the young generation to innovate the artificial intelligence to be far better in future.
The prompt paraphrase and direct question responses that comprise the personal opinion are all incorrect. The prompt restatement is nowhere near the original as it changed the topic from artificial intelligence driving cars to advertisements for self driving cars. Those are 2 immensely different topic focuses that only have artificially driven cars as a commonality. The subjects of the discussion are correct, but the topic reference is incorrect. The reference point is how articial intelligence is now being used to drive cars. As for the personal opinion, there are no direct reference topics that can be perceived as answers to the question provided. The writer did an inefficient job in the first paragraph and these will reflect in the low TA score for that section.  
  
The writer tends to go off topic when introducing his discussion points. He must lose the habit of creating long but irrelevant introductions and instead, go directly to the topic of his discussion. Use topic sentences as an introduction to create efficient paragraph presentations. This can be specifically seen in the first reasoning paragraph where it took him 2 sentences to get to the point. The paragraph was disconnected between the first 2 sentences and the succeeding presentation in the paragraph.  
  
If the writer will refocus his writing skills properly, he will be able to pass the test. He has shown that he can (sometimes) stick to the point and fully discuss a given question. However, he needs to learn to stop being distracted by side discussions that he accidentally (or intentionally) presents. Those will lower his overall score.
## bar chart report (four countries expenditures)

  
  
The given bar chart illustrates the proportion of five major categories of expenditures shared in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan during the 2009s.  
  
From an overall perspective, it is clear that housing was the most common expenditure shared by the people in the three countries, except for the other country, Japan. Health care and clothing were the two lowest categories of sharing spending in all four countries.  
  
In terms of housing sharing expenditure, while the figures for United States and United Kingdom people were almost the same, at 26% and 24% respectively, the percentage of people spending reached 22% in Japan.Canada had the lowest housing share at 21%.  
  
Notwithstanding, one in every five people in Canada shared the spending in transportation, followed by 17% of Americans and 15% of people in the UK. Reaching the lowest point of about one out of ten in the sharing of transportation in Japan.  
  
However, Japan had the largest food share of all four countries at 23%. The United Kingdom had the second-highest share at 20%, the proportion of people who shared food expenditures in Canada was slightly higher than in the US, the same level as the UK was in transportation, at 15% and 14% respectively.  
  
*
A task 1 essay containing one image should be completed in only 3 paragraphs, with less than 200 words. Time your writing and editing practices within the 20 minute test as these are inclusive during the actual test. Failure to do so could lead to a lower than expected score.  
  
Enhance the vocabulary usage in the presentation to at leasta consistent high school level of writing. "Excluding" should have received a better score than "except" in this case as it shows a bit more advanced vocabulary and sentence development skill.  
  
For a better overall score, it is imperative that the writer provide 3-5 sentences per paragraph. By individuallying the sentence content, he will create a tbetter balance of simple and complex sentences for scoring. Using only 2 sentences does not accomplish that task and leads to less scoring increases.