dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Punishment for juvenile offenders

  
  
There is a view that juvenile delinquents should be tried jus as adult criminals. In my opinion, the punishments for such delinquents should be different from those for adults.  
  
There are some reasons why a juvenile committing a particular crime is different from an adult going so. This is because juvenile is immature, thus may not fully realize the risks and the consequences of their acts. For example, a teenager who steal money from someone in order to purchase their desired toys may not understand that they are violating the law and maybe sentenced into prison. By contrast, adults are legally presumed to be fully aware of what is right and wrong. I many cases, well - aware person still intentionally caused dangerous crimes, expose extremely dangerous to society. Hence, it's not fair that these two criminals are punished under the same penal code.  
  
I believe that there are better alternatives for juvenile offenders, the most effective of which is sending them the youth detention centers. The reason for this is such place provide services that allow young people in detention to develop relational and interpersonal skills. For instance, essential life skill classes such as non - violent communication skill, anger management could enable them to better interact to society, thus leads to a sense of self-control. Conversely, if juvenile are sentenced to adult prisons, they will constantly surrounded by dangerous adult criminals and brutal violence there. Such toxic environments are likely to increase the risk of reoffending upon release.  
  
In conclusion, it is my firm belief that juvenile offenders should not be tried as adults because of their immaturity and that they should benefit more from rehabilitation centers rather than adult prisons.
In my opinion, the punishments for such delinquents should be different from those for adults.  
While the opinion of the writer is required, the format used is incomplete. The extent of (dis) agreement must come before the thesis topic.  
  
There are some reasons  
Irrelevant discussion. Stick to the given question and offer 2 related and fully developed discussion reasons within the presentation. Discussion alterations such as these are not scored. The word count is reduced and a score is given based on an under-explained or defended opinion. The extent essay is a single opinion consideration rather than comparative. This error will reduce the coherence and cohesiveness of the presentation. Rather, indicate the opening in a way that relates it to the prompt:  
  
*My point of view is that juvenile delinquents cannot be tried as adults because...*  
  
Be factual using a properly framed topic sentence that does not alter the discussion instruction. Justead, it should the part of the explanation from the onset.  
  
I believe that there are better alternatives for juvenile offenders,  
Correct approach that should have had another supporting - before or after it to strengthen and completely explain the writer's opinion.
## Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree?

  
  
Nowadays, debate that many people are interested in is benefits of gap year for high school students can be argued that high income is far more essential than job happiness. However, I put forward the view that employees definitely succeed in life if they enjoy their jobs.  
  
To begin with, it is sometimes thought by some that well-paid jobs certainly bring higher standards of living. To illustrate this point, they mention that well-earned workers are able to pay for their everlasting needs. For example, it is obvious that with high salary, employees are likely to live in even more modern apartments, travel by luxurious cars, as well as they afford to pay for expensive holidays on palm beaches in other countries.  
  
However, it is more important for me to consider that being satisfied with our jobs is an extremely significant element to have a happy life. Undoubtedly, the most noticeable thing is that employees work more effectively providing that they enjoy what they do on daily basis. As a result, they are absolutely given both the promotion to higher positions, perks, and even regular increments or pension contributions together with medical insurance contributions.  
  
Secondly, a noticeable aspect of this is that as long as workers enjoy their jobs, they definitely work under less stress. This means that he or she feels free with industrial diseases or repetitive strain injury, which are popular on press these days with high income workers. As a consequence, workers spend time enjoying completely their lives with themselves or families.  
  
In conclusion, I completely disagree with the statement for above-mentioned reasons. As far as I am concerned, individuals should look for steady jobs with a lot of securities to maintain the life positively.
What does a gap year in high school have to do with the salary consideration topic? It appears the student has misrepresented the original promptand also, failed to respond to the discussion question. The TA score for this essay will be in the failing range due to the unrelated discussion presentation. There is no connection between a gap year and happiness based on salary. Was this a misunderstanding or did the student mix up the discussion prompts? Regardless, he already failed half of this essay test. Consider that the topic is :  
  
BIG SALARY IS MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THAN JOB SATISFACTION. DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?  
There you restate the topic and give a response of:  
  
Nowadays, debate that many people are interested in is benefits of **gap year for high school students** .... However, I put forward the view that employees definitely succeed in life if they enjoy their jobs.  
See the discrepancy? There is no related discussion point.
Hi, I would like to give some feedback on your essay.  
1. The first sentence of your introduction is lengthy and ambiguous. You should split it into simpler sentences.  
2. I don't think the word "everlasting" can match with "need". "long-term" is far better.  
3. **as well as ~~they~~ afford** --> redundant  
4. Nowadays is a cliché that shouldn't be used in your essay.  
Anyways, your grammar is actually fine. Hope you improve on your writing skills! ^^
## Should or should not allow salaries above a certain level

  
  
In many countries all around the world, some people think that extreme high income is good for a country. While others think that the authorities ought to limit individual salaries at a certain level. In my opinion, put a law to monthly income is necessary and the governments should enact the law to solve this problem.  
  
On the one hand, the main reason why some people have a maximum wage law is those are highly skilled or talented. They should be rewarded to high salaries and it is also incentive for others work harder. Some occupations are believed dangerous or unplesant, so high salaries is a sign of country's wealth. High salaries could deter skilled or talented employees from leaving a country.  
  
Despite the above arguements, the governments should ensure that wealths is evenly distributed throughout a country. It is believed that limiting high wages would bring more equality, especially reduce the pay gap between highest and lowest income, which can be dishearting for some to have a low-paid job, while others receive a high salary. The more important is capping high salaries will prevent rich people from corrupt or unfair control over a certain aspects of society.  
  
In conclusion, in spite of the dispute for a maximum wage cap, I believe governments should set a limit on the wages of highest earners as it would have positive impacts on whole economic and country.
In many countries all around the world  
This is a redundant reference. Many countries already implies a global coverage. simply place a comma at the end of " many countries" and proceed with the restatement presentation.  
  
put a law to monthly income is necessary and the governments should enact the law to solve this problem.  
There is no clarity to the opinion statement. What sort of law? A bill? A resolution? A senate Act? What is the content or subject of the law?  
  
At this point the task accuracy of the essay will have opinion clarity scoring issues. Specially since the opinion response does not answer the discussion gquestion. It does not ask if a law is needed . It asks if a cap should be placed on salaries. 2 different questions with only the latter needing a response in this presentation. The essay presentation is not related to the orginal presentation.
## The chart below show waste collection by a recycling centre from 2011 to 2015

  
  
The bar chart depicts data about how many tons of waste was collected by recycling centre between 2011 and 2015, namely in paper, glass, tins and garden.  
  
Overall, what stands out most from the graph is that waste of garden always ranked final position among four mentioned type of waste and all of waste consistently fluctuated over 4-year period.  
  
It can be clearly observed that in 2012 the number of tons of garden nearly halved about 15 tons to nearly 30 tons, compared to those of garden in 2011 and 2013. Following that the amount of paper in 2012 was roughly equal to those in 2014, at approximately 51 tons, whereas in 2015 the number of paper reached the highest point of 70 tons over the course of four year.  
  
It could be noticed that the number of tins remained almost constant from 2013 to 2015, but was higher than those of garden. There are some significant changes in amount of glass from 2011 to 2015 which hit low of 46 tons in 2014.  
  
Thanks for reading my essay^^  
  
*
between 2011 and 2015  
Not "between" but "from". Use "between" when referring to a 1:1 discussion. "From" indicates a wider discussion covering more than a 1:1 reference. This statement needs a wider comparison reference point based upon the image.  
  
tons of garden  
Garden what? Use more synonyms for garbage and waste. You are displaying a very weak vocabulary and grammar range at this point. The same applies to the other waste references. This type of essay is synonym usage intensive. Build a better vocabulary to accomplish this. Read more English print materials and watch more English films. Throw in vocabulary building exercises as well. The lack of synonym usage makes the presentation confusing and difficult to understand.
## railways vs new roads

  
  
People have different views about the funding of traffic system. Some people think that governments should pay out money on new roads, but from my perspective, paying more attention to railways is the best way, since it is more beneficial for communities.  
  
There are a variety of reasons why governments should spend much money on the construction of new roads. Some people think that expanding more road system could tackle congested roads. From this, there are existence of multiple roads that help people commute comfortably and save time. For instance, with proper roads, farmers would be able to take a shortcut to transport their goods from farms to the market in a shorter time. Governments choose methods of investing more money into new road, therefore, to deal with traffic congestions.  
  
In spite of these above arguments, several individuals also propose that railway system should be funded by governments. Firstly, rails can carry hundreds of people and several hundred tonnes of goods at the same time. Thus they are more convenient than other transport. Furthermore, many items could be convey in the safest and fastest way because there is no rush over there. Secondly, in modern days, some people are contributing to help the environment abolish pollution such as air contamination by using trains rather than other road transport. Spending money on improving railways, henceforth, is the leading way authorities are concentrating on for the future strategy.  
  
In conclusion, although the fact that there are several reasons for new roads constructions, I firmly believe that railways have more benefits not only for communities, but also for the environment.
The extent response is missing in the essay. The degree of (dis) agreement with the statement should have been presented prior to the reasoning topics.The writer neglected to present the required discussion format in the required sentence structure in the first paragraph, weakening the paragraph discussion restatement. Although the proper format was used in the reverse paraphrase, the score increasing function for the response happens in the first paraphrase presentation. The thesis statement however, gave an idea as to the actual opinion of the writer. A more direct approach would be better next time.  
  
The reasoning paragraphs further add to the failure of the presentation to provide clear supporting opinions for the writer's point of new. There should be 2 supporting paragraph presentations . A comparative discussion format is not acceptable in this single opinion essay. scores will be deducted from non-supporting paragraphs. Specifically in the word count section.
**IF COUNTRIES ARE SERIOUS ABOUT SOLVING TRAFFIC PROBLEMS, THEY SHOULD TAX PRIVATE CARS VERY HEAVILY AND USE THE MONEY TO PROVIDE FREE OR VERY CHEAP RAIL TRAVEL.**  
  
**TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH THIS STATEMENT?**  
  
Traffic concerns are likely to cause a burden on many countries in recent times, which lead to some ideas about raising taxes on individual automobiles and using these funds for developing low-cost rail services. From my perspective, I completely agree with this solution due to these two main reasons below.  
  
The first one is that the increase in taxation, to some extent, could reduce the number of vehicles on the roads, which results from the lack of capability of paying vehicle fees. Having paid a large amount of taxes, which brings out great convenience, seems impossible for most people. Instead, car drivers will tend to switch to another public transport and traffic trouble can gradually be accomplished.  
  
Besides, taking advantage of public services while cutting down personal cars makes conditions for environmental improvement. As a result, there is less gas emission released into the air and people will have chances to enjoy fresher atmosphere surroundings. For instance, the greenhouse effect has a notable minimize after COVID-19 because of the vehicle lessen.  
  
On the whole, high taxes on vehicles and upgrading the public transport system are some solutions that could maintain both countries' economy and environment. Therefore, the government should raise the people's awareness of these issues if they want to achieve any significant developments.
The statement made in the orginal prompt is not a final solution. The sentence should have been presented as a "suggestion" or "suggested solution". The word "suggestion" makes a big difference in the meaning and emotion of the sentence. It creates a pure restatement rather than an altered paraphrase. The first reason presented is relevant to the "traffic" situation that is central to the discussion. However, the second paragraph focuses on the environment, which did not connect to the traffic concern of the statement That paragraph is a non-scoring presentation as it is a prompt topic deviation. As this paragraph will not recieve a score, the essay is lacking one relevant topic discussion. It will score less due to under-development.
Your essay lack of words. This task need at least 250 so you should add more ideas or making clearer your ideas.  
  
So the topic ask you agree or disagree with the former statement. The second paragraph should write about the benefit of 'TAX PRIVATE CARS VERY HEAVILY AND USE THE MONEY TO PROVIDE FREE OR VERY CHEAP RAIL TRAVEL'.  
  
Example, because of the free rail travel (underground network free for children and the elder) so it can limited the quantities of people using private transport.
## is Advertising successful or not?

  
  
***Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion***  
  
When mentioning advertising, some folks assumed that it is a compelling tool at convincing people to expense whatever is airing, whereas the others realized the opposite side that they are no longer impressed by them due to the prevalent appearance of ads in the commonplace. In my view, I would believe that publicity campaigns still hold a remarkable position in fascinating humans' purchases of products in the current world.  
  
On the one hand, I accept that commercial announcements tend to be powerless because of their overwhelming coverage. First of all, adverts progressively bombarded the community as well as a heavily ubiquitous presence in every corner of life. For example, persons could encounter it like a daily regular part on enormous billboards on the streets, pop-up posters on the Internet, or cherish television programs' break time, which forms an unfavorable perspective toward these. As a result, this eventually creates a negative attitude that almost individuals would avoid and neglect pieces of information about sale notices they see. Moreover, viewers are likely more active and conscientious when selecting items, no longer based on repeated promotions. In reality, they have a distrust of overstating the truth about posting commercial products, thus, they prefer their experience of examining cautious quality and functions whenever making buying decisions.  
  
On the other hand, I would argue that in the continuously innovating world, merchandising marketing is a far more valuable and stronger scheme to attract individual-motivation purchasing. To begin with, by constantly exposing the same images and sales messages, they play a psychological game. Initially, even if people do not care, creative and aesthetically pleasing ads through sounds and concepts subconsciously penetrate their minds as well as make them considerably more familiar with these brands, which gradually influence future buying determination. Furthermore, numerous companies invest a great amount of money to exponentially broaden and enhance their strategies. In fact, the marketing team builds up precisely targeted announcements by analyzing demographics and planning efficiency procedures thanks to massive data available to approach accurately the market and connect to potential shoppers. Hence, I believe that commercials would have further worthwhile persuasive effects to motivate and encourage consumers than in the past.  
  
In conclusion, although a majority of people think advertisements are exaggerated ways to polish the labels and no longer have an impact on them, I am of the opinion that it would accomplish dramatic success in appealing to customers to purchase in present-day even more time-ahead.
assumed  
The discussion is presented in current time form, not past time reference. Use the correct tense as indicated in the prompt. A task 2 essay will never use past tense refences.  
  
expense  
Word usage error. An expense is a noun that refers to a cause or occasion of spending. The word reference you are looking for is " buy", a verb indicating the act of acquiring the possession of something or a purchase.  
  
I accept  
I would argue  
Incorrect discussion format. Discuss both views indicates an analysis of the reasons supporting the public opinions. This is completed in 3rd person, group reference form. After the discussion, the writer is then allowed to formulate his personal opinion in relation to the comparative discussion.
## Ielts Task 2 about studying a foreign language at primary school

  
  
*Because there is not enough space for me to write the whole title, I would rewrite it here:* **Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?**  
  
*Thank you for checking my essay. And what band score I could get? Thanks*  
  
These days, it is believed that children should start learning a foreign language at primary schools rather than junior high schools. While this is disadvantageous to a certain extent, the advantages are much more significant.  
  
On the one hand, studying an overseas language at primary schools could make children suffer from language disorders. Although they are not sure about their mother tongue, they have to learn another new language, causing the fact that they may not control both languages and easily be misunderstood by other people. As a result, it may affect the children's development in terms of language.  
  
However, the disadvantages of studying another language might be eclipsed by its benefits. Children are young; hence, they find it easy to absorb a foreign language in primary schools. Therefore, they are more likely to become bilingual faster than those who begin learning another language in their later age. A recent survey by Cambridge University found that chidren studying another language in their early age tend to be multilingual than others. Another merit is that children could use time wisely when studying an overseas language. In primary schools, there may be very little things or tasks for children to do; hence, it is better to give children a task or a lesson about learning a new language, which may prevent them from doing other detrimental activities, such as watching screens or playing video games.  
  
In conclusion, there are some disadvantages of learning another language at primary schools. However, these drawbacks are outweighed by the abovementioned benefits.
While this is disadvantageous to a certain extent,  
This response is meant for an extent of agreement or disagreement essay. It is improperly used in this opinion statement. Only the last part is relevant to the discussion presentation. A reformatting of the response is required. The restatement part does not fully change all the keywords so those will be scored low as cutand paste phrases.  
  
On the one hand  
This is not a comparative essay. Present only reasons that support your opinion. This paragraph becomes the basis of a failing TA score as you have just confused the reader about your actual opinion.  
  
might be eclipsed  
Another failing score source based on TA reasons. The TA is scared based on the clear support of your opinion. This connotes uncertainty and lack of opinion clarity in a manner that will make the overall essay recieve a failing overall score, regardless of the remaining scoring aspects.  
  
\* Contact me privately for individual scoring.