dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Pierre, will you be allowed to present a copy of your painting with this statement? It is a bit hard to envision the presentation you are making because of the inconsistency in the presentation. I think you need to write a totally new essay that will better help the reader envision what you have painted. Maybe you can approach the presentation this way:  
  
*As an artist, I am influenced by my everyday surroundings. One of the everyday places I go to is the train station where I take the R train. Being intrigued by the colors of the train, the clothes of the people and the various emotions on their faces, I decided to put the unique scenery onto canvass. Specifically, the facial expression of one man whose image stuck in mind. Using oil, I began by using thick layers of paint on the canvass. After smearing the canvass with (name colors used), I outlined the images with my palette knife...*  
  
Try to establish the description of the image before you go into the description of the painting process. That should help you to better describe the painting process you underwent.
**Topic 2: Some people feel that healthcare provision should be free, while others believe that healthcare should be paid for by the individual. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.**  
  
## free healthcare service?

  
  
In these days, it is a matter of hot debate whether or not healthcare service should be provided free of charge. While many people argue that the government ought to cover all the necessary fees, there are others who voice their disapproval and say it is the citizens themselves who should settle the bill for such provision.  
  
It is undeniable that people who support the idea of free healthcare provision have sensible reasons to hold onto their belief. First of all, it is a matter of fact that people pay tax annually for social services. According to one research conducted in Canada, an adult there has to pay approximately 10% of his average income for healthcare insurance. Therefore, the government should use the money they have collected by taxes in order to supply free healthcare service. Secondly, this method serves a higher moral purpose as it provides an equal opportunity for everyone to be examined and treated. There will no longer be any discrimination between the rich and the poor. Moreover, this will benefit low-income families extensively because it widens the chance to be cured of diseases and be able to keep up with the normal life again for them.  
  
On the other hand, many people maintain that it is better to have healthcare provision paid by the individual. One of the most legitimate reasons for this is that it raises people's responsibility as well as awareness of the importance of their health. For instance, there are many people who do not take healthcare into serious consideration which results in their developing diseases and having to go to the hospital to seek advice and help from professional doctors. In this case, the fees they pay for such a service can be perceived as part of the consequence they have to bear for their negligence and underestimation of health. This will eventually make them come to the realization that by taking care of themselves properly, not only do they do better physically and mentally but they also save plenty of money, time and effort. Therefore, it will ultimately lead them to a healthier lifestyle.  
  
In short, both methods show different valuable advantages. While free healthcare service benefits people in terms of fees and equality, paying for it helps to develop a sense of duty and awareness. In my view, I believe that every citizen should pay for this service individually.  
  
*Can anyone give some comments and feedback on this piece of writing? Thank you so much!!*
Hello, i am not a professional writer but i have some contributions to your essay:  
~~It is undeniable that~~ people who ... ->On one hand, because you use On the other hand in para 2 so that in terms of coherence you should use " On one hand".  
  
**First of all, it is a matter of fact that** people ... In my opinion, you should use " In fact" simply because there are 250-270 words essay so that the conjunctions should be clear and to-the-point.  
  
This is great essay. Good luck.
Phuong, first up, you wrote too many words. You will not be able to write these many words during the actual test. Always practice using a timer so that you will know exactly how many words you are capable of writing within the allotted time and still have a little time left over for the proofreading of your paper. Aim to write between 250-300 words at the most. 275 would be the best number to aim for in this type of timed discussion presentation.  
  
Avoid redundant presentations that blur the discussion you are trying to present. Just say "Whether" rather than "Whether or not" because "Whether" is already indicative of a positive or negative choice to be made. Don't waste your word count with filler words such as "First of all" when simply saying "first" will be sufficient. Personally though, I would avoid counting out the reasons because these appear to be memorized reference words that will not help your score.  
  
With regards to your punctuation mistakes. Please remember that a comma always comes after a conjunction such as when saying "... mentally but". It should be "... mentally, but" to indicate a change in discussion reference.  
  
Your discussion is incomplete. You tried to pass of your personal point of view as a single line in the concluding paragraph. The personal point of view is always presented along with the public point of view discussion as the last paragraph before the concluding summary. Your personal point of view is under developed in terms of discussion presentation and as such, will pull down your C&C score as well as your TA considerations.  
  
All of your discussion points are over the 5 sentence maximum. You are under discussing all of your presentations because you are using the 2 reasoning per paragraph format, which does not work very well for this sort of essay that has a 5 sentence maximum. A single topic per paragraph with a transition sentence at the end introducing the next reason would have helped your essay better because it would have helped increase your GRA score. Instead, you are presenting paragraphs that lack clarity in the discussion reasoning consideration. Aim for clarity in all your presentations. That is why you are told to use one topic per paragraph which you can explain in 3-5 sentences. That is the reason for it, clarity and cohesiveness in the discussion are required in order to pass this test.
## EVERYONE SHOULD BECOME VEGETARIAN

  
***BECAUSE THEY DO NOT NEED MEAT TO HAVE A HEALTHY DIET.**  
**DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?***  
  
It has been advisable that people should go vegan and the idea of eating meat is rapidly diminishing. Personally, I strongly disagree with this current trend.  
  
There are two serious mistakes that the supporters of this view has. Firstly, it is scientifically proven that a healthy diet has to contain meat. Dietary meals with solely fruits and vegetables do not guarantee optimal eating plan for people. Each kind of food provide a certain substance needed for the body and the lack of even one of these nutrients would result in a a great number of diseases for human body. I believe a good diet is the one that balances the amount of all nutritions and eats according to the nutritional demands of the body.  
  
Another compelling reason that makes me turn down this idea is that meat plays a vital role for human life. Since meat include a large amount of protein, this could be beneficial to the body due to the need for it. Protein contributes to the internal activities of the body such as the repair and building the body tissues as well as the production of antibodies that would protect the body from injections, thus strengthening the immune system. Lack of meat could cause to a wide range of problem to people, especially children. For instance, children from low-income background that are not provided tend to have malnutrition and poor health condition. In addition, vegetarians are more likely to lack of vitamins and minerals which meat-eaters rarely do.  
  
To conclude, it is obvious that people should not reject meat from their daily meals since a diet without meat would not provide a heated lifestyle and it even causes some of the health problems due to meat lack.
Lan, look out for the subject - verb agreement contradictions in your essay. The proper term to use when referring to the supporters, is "have" not "has" because you are speaking in terms of the present, not the past. You also should show that you have a strong opinion in the essay by using words such as "must have meat" rather than "has to have meat". The former being the more authoritative and active voice in the discussion. Remember to proofread your work before submission. Simple mistakes such as a repeated word like "a a" could have an effect on your GRA score if done repeatedly in the essay. You also need to familiarize yourself with the singular-plural form of words. There are some words like "nutrition" that have the same word form when indicating both the plural and singular references of the term. Just adding an S at the end of a word does not immediately make it plural. Such a mistake will reflect badly on your grammar abilities.  
  
The first sentence in your first reasoning paragraph should have been merged with your thesis statement at the start of the essay. That is because it lays out the foundation for the overall discussion. The thesis response should have been:  
  
*I disagree with this trend because of what I believe are two mistakes that the supporters of this view have.*  
  
Since this is not an extent essay, it does not ask "to what degree do you agree or disagree", then there is no need to use an emotional response such as "I strongly disagree". A simple response is all that is required.  
  
Please remember the 3-5 sentence ruling per paragraph. Do not go beyond that mandated format. Your opening paraphrase and concluding summary are both incomplete and do not offer the required elements for the discussion. If you review the sample essays here, you will clearly see that the number of sentences for both paragraphs have a clear bearing on your TA and C&C scores.  
  
While you did write a good number of words at 290, avoid writing more than the 5 sentence maximum per paragraph as you did in your second to the last paragraph. The additional information at the end was totally unnecessary and created an under developed presentation that would have an effect on your C&C score because each paragraph is supposed to have only one topic per paragraph unless properly transitioned within the paragraph with a transition sentence. The included subject must also be fully developed in the same paragraph otherwise it creates an unclear and non-cohesive discussion in that presentation.
Can you give me some feedback? How much is its rate you think?  
  
Can you see any improvements from my first essay?  
  
## passion for learning and a free choice

  
  
My essay is about:  
*"Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.''*  
  
People hold different views about what type of subject should be educated at the university. While some argue that it would be better for students to be forced into subjects which will prepare them well for future, I believe that everybody should be able to study the course of his choice and this is also beneficial.  
  
On one hand, learning useful subjects helps students become qualified employees. The advocates of this explain that these subjects provide students with the essential knowledge which is the basic foundation of their future career. For example, a banker has to learn about currency, finance, taxation and so on since he was an undergraduate student. He will not manage his work well if he lacks this knowledge. They also demonstrate a number of companies these days have asked the candidates to have at least one computer science certificate which show their expert level in using the office software. As a result, the student equipped with these technology skills will be more competitive in the job market.  
  
On the other hand, pursuing passionate areas of study is the right of the student and can benefit them in unpredictable ways. Supporters of this argue that forcing students to learn what they do not want and preventing them from their interested subjects is trespassing the human right of liberty. In my opinion, learning with no interest is boring, stressful and a waste of time regardless of how useful that subject can be. Moreover, no one can assure whether one subject is useful or not. For instance, a medical learner will appreciate the time he spends on studying economics, marketing, business and so on as it has practically supported him on setting up his own medical company. Youngsters have become more and more active, desire to explore new challenges, acquire new skills which will turn them into multitasking individuals. This advantage may impress the headhunters or be useful for them to start their own business.  
  
In conclusion, it seems to me that however useful a subject can be, passion for learning is the most important and student should be free to choose their preferred areas of study.
Dam, I do not think that you wrote this essay using a timer. If you did, you would have found out that you cannot write 358 words for this essay. You can only write about 250-300 words. With 275 being the ideal word count because that will allow you to score well using all 4 considerations while giving you enough time at the end of the drafting process to proofread your work. The proofreading is something you have to work on owing to the existing mistakes in your essay.  
  
Work towards always using clear words in your essay. Avoid redundancies such as "basic foundation" because the "basis" which is the root word of "basic" already refers to a start or "foundation". Therefore using both terms successively is a redundancy. Learn to use forceful words when stating such as "must" instead of "has to". That way the statement you are making comes from a sense of understanding of the given topic. Remember, your ability to come across as a person who has a good grasp of English sentence structures will be able to do well in the GRA section of the essay. Losing the redundancies will also help you create more coherent paragraph presentations.  
  
Your prompt paraphrase is incomplete. The prompt indicates "Discuss both points of view and give your opinion." So the thesis paraphrase should be similar to:  
  
*There are two schools of thought when it comes to university studies. One group of people believes that students must be given the freedom to learn about any topic they want to study. Others promote the idea that college students should focus their learning efforts only on subjects that will prove beneficial to their future careers. These subjects, as per this group, relates to Science and Technology subjects only. I have specific opinion that I would like to share after I have discussed these two public points of view.*  
  
The glaring mistake in your essay is that you turned a 3 reasoning paragraph essay into a 2 reasoning presentation, totally skipping your personal point of view presentation paragraph. You instead merged your personal point of view into the concluding paragraph. The personal point of view, which is a critical analysis of the two points of view that allowed you to come to your own conclusion should be written as a 5 sentence paragraph before the concluding summary. Therefore, your discussion presentation is only partially correct at this point and you will be scored only partially, based on the areas of the prompt that you did provide an accurate response to, which would be only 2 rather than 3 reasoning paragraphs.  
  
Basically, new problems in your essay writing have come up because you are dealing with a different prompt instruction this time. You need time to familiarize yourself with the different discussion styles required of the Task 2 essay so that you will know what type of approach to use for each instruction. Read the sample essays here. I am sure those will help you better understand how to approach each discussion instruction.
## School Grades: Helpful or Harmful?

  
  
Nowadays, some people believe that our current academic grading plays an important role in school and this is a useful tool to help students improve their performances. In my opinion, I strongly agree with that point of view.  
  
First of all, the fact that grades are very good indicators of knowledge. This indicator shows students' knowledge and how they did in their exam. The test and grading may force a student to comprehend a concept. If the student fails in the test and receive a poor grade, that means they didn't understand the concept properly. As a result, they may experience with learning how to improve their test- taking skills. Besides, teacher can know the current level and the problems of each students in order to find solutions for them.  
  
On the other hand, I believe that current academic grading is helpful in improving students' performances. The threat of a bad grade may make a student try to comprehend the concept in her or his test. It leads to they should have a better preparation such as an extra revision or trying to show their best performances to get the higher marks on the incoming exam. Moreover, grading is also one of requirement of higher education's entrance like college and university. As a consequence, students have to strengthen their grades by enhancing their performance.  
  
In conclusion, there is no doubt that academic grading encourages students to learn, gain more knowledge and improve their performances. Moreover, they will feel more self- confident with some small victories that leads to win and succeed in the future.
Hi Julia  
I have some opinions for your essay. I hope it would help you  
  
1/ There are some grammar mistakes like missing an article (a/the teacher); I think after "Lead to" should be an Object or phrase but not a clause as you wrote in the 3rd paragraph, the 3rd sentence  
  
2/ In the introduction paragraph, I thought that you have to indicate both views: harmful or helpful before showing your opinion?  
  
3/ The word "comprehend" is overused in the test.  
  
Overall, I think your essay is quite good and the connection between paragraphs is good as well.
Would you please rate this essay?  
  
*26:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?  
"It is better for children to choose jobs that are similar to their parents' jobs than to choose jobs that are very different from their parents' job"*  
  
## Following in a Parent's Footsteps

  
  
It is undeniable that we live in a world in which people have to choose a job to earn their livelihoods. The issue of whether or not people should choose jobs similar to their parents' arouses much controversy among people with different backgrounds and perspectives. When it comes to me, I, at least for two reasons, go with those who believe that choosing jobs similar to our parents' jobs is better for us. In what follows, I make my reasons clear.  
  
First of all, going with jobs similar to our parents', we can become professional faster. As parents have been dealing with their jobs for a long time, they are experienced and professional in their jobs. as a result, if we choose a job similar to their jobs, they can teach their knowledge about the job to us and make us professional and experienced very soon. For the purpose of illustration, take my personal experience as an example. Two years ago, when I was seeking for a job, I chose petroleum engineering for my career, which my father is profession in. In this recent two years, I could learn all things regarding my career from my father, and currently, I am the best engineer in the company. If I had not chosen a similar job with my father's, I would have never been professional this soon.  
  
Secondly, going with jobs similar to our parents' jobs prevents us from facing big problems and catastrophes. It goes without saying that in doing any job, we can face with unpredictable problems, which can lead us to become defeated and lose our money. However, by going with a job which our parents know many things about, they can make us aware of those potential problems and suggest good ways to eliminate facing of them. For instance, When I started my job as a petroleum engineer, my father advised me that every two hours I should check the pressure gauges which mounted on top of streamlines. Even though my boss had forgotten to tell me that tip, I did my job perfectly and prevented any problems from occurring.  
  
According to reasons mentioned above, I strongly believe that children should choose jobs that are similar to their parents', because not only can the parents help them to become professional very soon, but also they can eliminate the possibility for occurring any serious problem in our career life.  
  
Word count: 400  
@Holt  
Is it better than the earlier essay? I am supposed to take my test on Friday, how much is its rate you think?
Saeed, first up, there is absolutely no way that you can write 400+ words during the actual exam. You will only have time to write 300 words at the most and that will even be cutting it close in terms of editing, revising, and finalizing your essay presentation for scoring. Remember, this is a pen and paper test. That alone limits your writing potential during the allotted time frame. Write less words that have more meaning and improves your explanation instead of a long essay. A long essay will not translate to higher scores. That is guaranteed. In fact, long essays more often than not receive low scores due to the tendency to make more grammar mistakes in the presentation.  
  
Take your care for instance. Your paragraphs often lack clarity because you are more focused on the English words you want to use instead of the meaning of the paragraph. You have pronoun usage problems in the essay (e.g. parents' = parents) due to your inability to use the correct plural form of a word. These errors will force the lowering of your overall scoring considerations. The lack of clarity, mistake in pronoun usage, run-on sentences, all of these will combine to pull down your final overall score because you will not score well based on the individual scores for consideration.  
  
My opinion is that this essay is not an improvement over the first essay because you made similar mistakes and this time, filled the essay with run-on sentences, which cannot result in a passing GRA consideration. Neither does this mean that your essays are clear and understandable, which means your essay will not pass the C&C consideration. I will not give this essay a score because that will not help you at this point. Just remember the mistakes I pointed out here, write another essay, make sure you don't make the same mistakes (a third time), then post the new essay as a new thread for another review.  
  
Hopefully we can get you close to being prepared to take the test by Friday. I am willing to work with you on a daily basis, using multiple essay posts (as new threads) until Wednesday. You must take Thursday to rest your mind and relax. Coming into the exam center all scared, stressed-out, and burned out will not help you. I always ask my students to take the day before the exam to rest and relax. That way you come into the exam center refreshed, rested, and ready to take the test.