dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hi @maiko tran  
Just as @Maria suggested, make sure you follow the common essay structure. It's equally important to pay attention to your grammar and vocab:  
- You wrote **first** in the first paragraph, so there must be **second** in the succeeding sentences  
- in the are of the digital world  
- That is a specific case for many others  
- Another reason is that... online chatting. - uncompleted sentence  
- maintain daily conversations with closers  
- The ideas in your last sentence somehow is not connected. You may separate them into different sentences with proper explanations.  
  
Try to replace informal words with academic ones so your essay sounds more "professional". This can be improved with regular practice.  
  
Keep working on your skills and good luck.
## IELTS1- pie chart compare

  
  
The diagrams illustrate the amount of electricity produced by different fuels in Australia and France beginning from 1980 to 2000.  
  
It is obvious that both countries experienced a huge increase in the production of electricity. In Australia, coal stood a vital percentage in producing electricity while in France nuclear power accounted for the highest percentage in 2000.  
  
The total production of electricity increased by 70% percent to 170 units in Australia over two separate years while the amount in France doubled to 180 units from 1980 to 2000. Comparing the total production between Australia and France, we can find that France produced less electricity than Australia in 1980 but outnumbered it 20 years later.  
  
Throughout the 20-year period in Australia, coal ranked the first on the contribution to produce electricity for more than 50%, while unclear power ranked second to account for about around 20%. In France, coal and natural gas contributed the most to electricity production in 1980 but nuclear power took first place in 2000, amounting to nearly 70%.  
  
*
@s410377088  
Hello there! I hope you're doing good. Let me provide you with writing feedback on this essay.  
  
First and foremost, try to maintain an academic tone throughout your writing. You can ensure this by removing and/or replacing words such as "obvious" in order to articulate your analysis in a more concise manner.  
  
I would also recommend looking into using appropriate punctuation for pauses. If you do this, you'll be able to manifest more effectively the right flow patterns that will allow you to effectively tackle the topic.  
  
Try to be cautious of the structure of your sentences. Transition words such as "but" and "while" typically recommend that you place a comma in the word before them.  
  
Best of luck as always.
Hey @s410377088  
Your writing consists of no information on **oil** and **hydro power**. Of course there's no need to stuff all the figures in your writing, but there should be some comparisons for these 2 categories of the charts between 1980 and 2000.  
  
The sentences are well-written. However, applying various different structures to them is definitely making them more impressive. Also use synonyms for repetitive words such as **produce**. Practice makes perfect.  
  
Hope my feedback helps!
## yearly salaries for doctors and other types of employees

  
  
**Topic: The chart below shows the annual pay (thousands of US dollars) for doctors and other workers in seven countries in 2004. Summarize the information and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
The bar chart demonstrates the yearly salaries for doctors and other types of employees in 7 nations in 2004. The figures are in thousands of US dollars.  
  
Overall, the pay for doctors was higher than for other workers in all 7 countries. In the United States both professions were paid the highest compared to other countries.  
  
Doctors in France and Switzerland received the same amount of money of 70 thousand dollars. There were minor differences among the income of doctors in Italy, Czech Republic and Germany (about 2 or 3 thousand). American doctors were paid exactly 120 thousand US dollars, nearly tripled the salary of Finnish doctors.  
  
For other members of the labor force, Italians, Czechs and Germans had the same wage of 20 thousand dollars. The number were 30 and 25 for workers in France and Finland respectively. In Switzerland they received 40 thousand per year, whereas employees in the States got 5 thousand more than the Swiss.  
  
*
@nimbus2k2  
Hello there! Thank you for being a constant supporter of the site. I hope you're doing well in your writing endeavors. Please do come back!  
  
First and foremost, consistency is very important when you're writing texts such as this. Ensure that you're adding more specific details to showcase that you have substantive depth in your writing. Remember to always retain that formal or educational tone all throughout. If you do this, you'll be able to showcase professionalism all throughout.  
  
I have noticed that you have issues sometimes when it comes to tenses. Review the particular rules that you have to follow here. If you're torn, remember that it's critical for you to use past tenses when making substantiating an analysis based from a graph.  
  
Best of luck as always.
## a convenient tool to make friends

  
  
*With the development of online communication, people will never be alone and will always be able to make new friends? To what extent do you agree?*  
  
The advent of online communication has made it easier to forge connections with people from all walks of life. Such method is thought to keep users from loneliness and provide endless possibility of establishing friendships. In my opinion, I completely agree with this statement for a number of reasons.  
  
Firstly, online communication centres around helping users to easily connect with each other regardless of geographical distances. Today's social media platforms gear towards user-friendly interfaces in which online friends are recommended based on users' profile information. This facilitates friend-making process without having to leave one's comfort zone. In addition, such means of communication ensures that one will be constantly provided with friend suggestions as a way to enhance online experience. For instance, Tinder - an online dating application - matches users with common shared interests, supplying them with multiple potential individuals with whom they can interact.  
  
Secondly, the online world is a vast pool of people from different backgrounds. As an indication of trendiness, more and more people feel the need to join the digital world. This creates a sense of collectivity and togetherness in that users are safe in the knowledge that there will always be people they can reach out to. This sense is further enhanced by insights they are given into others' personal lives and interests. For example, each Facebook user has what is called a 'newsfeed' - a news bulletin with updates on what their friends share and their activities.  
  
In conclusion, the large number of online users and ease of connection have made online communication a convenient tool to make friends and avoid loneliness.
@barryha2705  
Hello there! I'll provide you with writing feedback on your essay.  
  
First and foremost, I recommend that you try to enhance the overall tone of your essay. Try to, for instance, change the way you transition between your sentences. Doing this will definitely help you incorporate more depth in your writing.  
  
I would also heavily suggest incorporating more concrete examples on the essay. If you are able to add these, it would definitely improve the outlook that you currently have.  
  
Try to be clearer and more straightforward with your text. The second body paragraph appears to be quite vague in the direction that it wishes to partake in.  
  
Your conclusion should also be improved. Add more summation to create more detail.  
  
Best of luck as always.
## The reason of learning a foreign language

  
  
*Write about the following topic:  
Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language.  
  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.*  
  
In recent years, more and more parents make their children start to learn a foreign language since their children are young. There are many benefits of being able to speak a foreign language. As a result, the reason of studying a foreign language has been widely discussed.  
  
Some people believed that the only reason for learning a foreign language is to travel or to work in a foreign country. Language is always useful, especially when it comes to traveling and doing business. In other words, working and traveling cover 80% chances and needs of speaking a foreign language. In this modern era, it's easy for people to travel around and work in different countries. Therefore, traveling and working in other country is the reason why people need to know a foreign language.  
  
On the other hand, people disagree with the view of learning a foreign language is only for traveling and business. There are many other reasons for picking up a language other than mother tongue. For example, learning the culture of another country. If you know a foreign language, you can read the first-hand material of a certain topic or research without translations. In fact, sometimes misunderstanding happens over translation. Moreover, learning a foreign language can be merely an interest. It's interesting to know the way of people speaking in a country by learning their language. For example, Japanese are always polite to each other, and this are shown in their language.  
  
In my opinion, I think traveling and working in a different country can be the main reason for people to study another language, however, it's not always the whole story. I started learning English when I was in the first grade of primary school, and English has helped me a lot on traveling and studying abroad. Nevertheless, I started learning Korean two years ago because I enjoy watching Korean TV series and I want to watch it without waiting for Chinese subtitles. To sum up, language is useful in many aspects, especially in traveling and working, but that's not the only reason to learn a foreign language.
## the amount of unfit persons in australia

  
  
The diagram illustrates the proportion of people who excess weight for both genders in detail between 1980 and 2010 in Australia. Overally, it shows that the proportion of men who are overweight has been more than women in the 10 years. Moreover, it is recognizable that the number of female with the same attitude has been raising while males had a drop between 2000 and 2010.  
  
The proportion of overweighed men started with 40 percent and reached to near 50 percent in 1990 and eventually make it to 65 percent in 2000.After this excess time, this proportion number went down to 60 percent in 2010. In comparison, the proportion of over weighted women has been always growing about 15 percent every 10 years from 1980 to 2000 and after that had a steady record for 10 years. As it can be seen, female unfit proportion number started with 30 percent in 1980 and reached to 55 percent in 2010.  
  
In conclusion, it can be resulted that the amount of unfit women has moderately enlarged while men's record reveals a growth between 1980 to 2000 and a reducing trend in the next 10 years.  
  
*
@tinapakshad1  
Hi there. I'll provide you with feedback on your writing.  
  
Overall, your writing is put-together. I would suggest being more wary of small mistakes that may hinder the overall quality of your writing. This can vary from spelling mistakes to puny grammatical mishaps. Just try to reread and ensure that everything is in place.  
  
In addition, I would suggest evading the usage of complex and lengthy sentences. Try to create simpler structures, mixing up the dyanism of the content through ensuring that your essay is properly coordinated.  
  
Furthermore, make certain that you are consistent with your usage of words. Try to use particularly academically appropriate words throughout.  
  
Best of luck.
**## First impressions are important

  
*Some people think that doing well in interviews is the key to securing a good job.  
Agree?***  
  
It is commonly thought that the first perception people have on a person in an interview decide whether the employer will provide the job or not.However,I firmly believe that first impression should not be what defines a successful employee,and certainly must not be used to judge if the person deserves a job.  
  
To begin with, first impressions are often inaccurate as people want others to see what they want them to see.Consequently,interviewee exhibit their optimal image during the job interview and usually answer untruthfully.In other words,people might fall for others manipulation ,but after some time the employees show their unenthusiastic true selves which bring the business down.Another reason to consider that the first glimpse on personality in job interview should not be the sole way to employ a person is because it is extremely demanding for someone to justify himself in a very short period of time.To illustrate, It is totally unfair that merely because a person has social skills and can act friendly does not make him stand in a good stead among others  
  
Furthermore,there are more qualities that should be put into consideration before the first impression.For instance, work experience , certificate from prestigious universities and good morals such as honesty are all more sensible measure for the capability of a person ,that is due to the fact that a person must work hard and apply himself into studies and prove his knowledge to gain such qualities.That is why ,an employer should look for more than just the first impression in order to choose the right person.  
  
In conclusion,although it can psychologically challenging not to judge a person by their first impression,but I believe it is extremely crucial to know that impressions in the first sight might be wrong and undoubtedly discriminatory  
  
Feedback please
@Mennamoni  
Hello there! Welcome to the forum. I hope you find this feedback helpful for your writing endeavors.  
  
Firstly, I heavily recommend that you try to create more concise sentences throughout your writing. While I think that the first paragraph was quite creative, I also think that it lacks a bit of definition with the usage of a more specific structure fit for this content. I suggest trying to, for instance, create smaller chunks of text rather than bigger ones. Doing this will help you elaborate with more intention.  
  
The second paragraph appears to be quite cluttered as well. I recommend that you try to utilize transition words more to enhance the way you move between your sentences.  
  
Best of luck as always.
## state position towards huge earning

  
  
In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both views and give your opinion.  
  
Many of us think that earning lots of money will bring a mutiltude of different benefits and give them the sense of financial freedom, they could affort the things they would like to possess without any hindrance or restraint. While another group perceive that paying higher taxes for the government and being secured for the unforeseen risks such as unemployment or illness is the best choice. This essay will discuss both views as well as giving the pros & cons of the issue.  
  
On one hand, the government should encourage the citizens work hard to create money as well as let them free to manage their salaries by low tax collection. These things could enhance the total assets of the country which will determine where the power of a nation is in the rankings of the world. When the people feel freely to use the amount of money they earn they would like to put more effort in making more money, in order to do this thing they have to try more on getting higher education and compete to achieve the highest position in the society. Those are better for any countries, but one more disadvantage about this is that will create the big gap between the rich & the poor.  
  
On the other hand, some countries in which the citizens who have to pay higher taxes for the government will get more benefits from the taxes they pay for. Such as, the financial ministry will make sure to support a certain amount of money for someone who is fired from their job until they have chances to get a new job, or free education for children under 18 year old, and universal health care to all citizens. These things will secure for all people to maintain their life if something wrong happens in their unforeseen future. However, everything has two sides of it, if government makes sure for all of the basic needs of a citizen, this thing will let the people feel so secure and they will be more lazy to compete for their determined attempt. It creates some people lazy to work because they can take something for granted from the government, besides, the hard-work people feel more unfair because the money they earn is used for the wrong purposes through paying the higher taxes.  
  
All in all, it has a little inclination of agreement on letting people making more money and freely to manage their finance through the low tax collection.
Hey @Ann\_Ng, you have done quite well on this essay. However, pay attention to your grammar and vocab:  
- the ~~unforeseen~~ unforeseeable risks  
- On the one hand  
- The phrase **let them free to manage their salaries by low tax collection** seems confusing because of your word choice  
- ~~support~~ provide a certain amount of money for someone  
- 18 year olds  
- ~~makes sure for~~ guarantees all of the basic needs  
- hard-working people  
  
Use a variety of conjunctions and sentence structures so your essay appears less plain. In the last sentence of the introduction, **discuss both views** and **giving the pros & cons** are the same. In addition, you didn't state your opinion while it is required for this essay type.  
  
Anyway this essay is a big improvement compared to your last one. Congrats! Hope you keep doing well in the future.
@Ann\_Ng  
Hello! I'll provide you with writing feedback on your essay.  
  
Firstly, try to ensure that you have clarity when you're writing. You can do this through creating more thorough and smaller chunks of text to assist you in writing. For instance, in your first paragraph, try to simplify the second sentence because it appears to be quite rambling and messy. Minimize cluttered language as this makes your essay appear to be disorganized more than anything.  
  
Furthermore, try to evade the usage of repetitive language when you're writing. If you have mentioned a particular line or something synonymous to it, then try to focus on expounding it rather than merely mentioning everything all over again.  
  
Make sure that you also have an academic tone.  
  
Best of luck as always.
## Are Internet friends real friends?

  
  
*Nowadays people make new friends through social networks and internet chat groups. Some people think this is good. Others think that face-to-face interaction is essential. Discuss both views and give your opinion*  
  
It is a belief that meeting new people and building friendship with them is a risky way to make friends.in contrast there is another theory that disagrees with that and illustrates it is a good convenient way to encounter and be friend with people.in my view, virtual friends are the gifts of the electronic era we live in and we should use this opportunity well to gain more friendships in life.  
  
In one hand, the only knowledge we know about people in social medium is the profile they have chosen to show us.so there is a good chance that many of that would be not true and people can easily manipulate us. There has been a lot of crimes committed with this virtual profiles and many people has been betrayed robbed and fooled. Therefore, it can be said that trusting people in the social networks is a risky choice and should be avoided.  
  
In the other hand, it can be seen that in many cases virtual friends had made better friends in comparison to real ones. There are more available to chat and sometimes the chance of meeting a person that can understand us completely in real life is much lower than virtual world because of its availability and achievability .for example in a case that our person lives in another country that in real life we would never meet each other, by social medium we can be easily connected and spend time with each other.  
  
In my point of view, not attending a task just because it is risky or not that much trust-able is not a good excuse. We can make good friends on the social network while we are looking after ourselves and be careful not to be fooled or betrayed.  
  
In conclusion, it can be said that, although trusting people on the internet is a dangerous choice due to lack of trustworthy information about them, we can still make good friends and in my view we should never take this chance away ourselves.
Hi @tinapakshad1! I will try to provide you with a helpful feedback.  
First, you used some words and phrases inappropriately, which I think is a strong reason for strengthening your lexical resource. For example, "..while we are looking after ourselves and be careful not to be fooled or betrayed." Look after yourself is not a good choise in this case. You could have used " be cautious" instead.  
  
Then, in the introduction, you haven't paraphrased the actual question. Instead of different opinions on making friends in general, you should specifically describe online friendships and the approaches to it. I suppose you just missed the word "online" there. But, remember it makes great difference.  
  
Finally, the essay's structure is good. You have managed to organize your essay logically. I didn't have any problems with understanding your whole point. But, it was hard to catch the individual sentences. So, as I have mentioned before you should improve your vocabulary and grammar.  
  
Best of luck to you!
Try to paraphrase the question better in the introduction. When the question is mentioning the two groups, you don't need to do the same!  
  
For example,  
  
With the rise of social media, personal, real-time interactions have decreased dramatically. Friendships have turned into encounters through social media and internet. Although some individuals believe this to be beneficial in the long run, there are people who still insist on the importance of direct, in-person contact.  
  
Also I don't understand YOUR point of view exactly. So it is good or do we need in-person interactions?
@tinapakshad1  
Hello there! While you already had quite a lot of feedback, I hope to provide you with something that would somehow be beneficial for you in the long-run. I want to focus primarily on the overall flow of your essay.  
  
Firstly, I recommend that you try to incorporate more of a structured approach to writing. This means using vastly and with more precision things such as pauses and punctuation to create more dynamism in your writing. If you do this, you can incorporate more writing in your text.  
  
Furthermore, I also recommend that you create simpler sentences. Remember that clarity is critical when writing because this determines the flow of your text and how well it would be received by people.