dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Karen, when it comes to presenting the paraphrased discussion of the essay, I can say that you did a poor job on it. That is because you did not follow the rudimentary requirements of the opening statement which are:  
  
1. A proper paraphrasing of the prompt based upon your understanding of the discussion topic;  
2. The discussion requirement of the prompt;  
3. The type of discussion you are expected to present.  
  
An example is:  
  
*There is a school of thought that believes that children should study only mandatory subjects until the age of ten. However, there are some who believe that the students should be given the option to study only their selected favorite subjects. In this essay, I will be discussing my opinion regarding my opinion on the topic using supporting examples from my personal experience.*  
  
Now, in the essay body, you decided to discuss a compare and contrast essay instead of an opinion essay. That is not the correct approach. Based on the prompt instruction, you were only supposed to discuss your personal opinion from the very start, using the body paragraphs to support your opinion. Now, because you did not present the required discussion, the essay that you wrote will show that you did not understand the discussion instructions. Therefore, your essay will not get a passing score in the end. The minute you fail the task accuracy portion, that is based upon your ability to understand English instructions, there is no possibility that you can pass this test.
**Important truths begin as outrageous, or at least uncomfortable, attacks upon the accepted wisdom of the time.**  
  
## the painful truth

  
  
As a human being, we have a tendency to avoid truth because most of the time truth is appalling and it has a history attacking the accepted wisdom. Truth as it seems so simple but it has a deep and convoluted meaning hidden in it. Truth is never mollifying, it always causes a deep turmoil in an individual. As time passes, an individual unravels more about truth and it gets acerbic with time.  
  
To illustrate let us look at an example, there are many famous theories on the existence of nasal lines. These are the lines which can only be seen from universe and it was made 2000 years ago. There is this one famous theory which claims that these lines was developed by aliens so that they can see these lines from universe and land there. As we go deep in these theories we will unravel bit by bit small truth about these line and which is outrageous and not comforting.  
  
As a human being, we have a predilection to not hear acerbic truth, because it make us uncomfortable. We try to escape from the truth and when we confront them in future it is pretty obvious we will be outrageous.  
  
In addition, important truth is not always outrageous and attacks upon the accepted wisdom. Sometime, they support the experience and make us feel good about the truth.  
  
In conclusion, most of the time truth is caustic and unpleasant to hear, but it is important, for our development, to have better understanding of right conscience of right and wrong. Escaping from truth is inevitable and one should not avoid truth just for his comfort, no matter how much uncomfortable truth is one must accept it.
Bharti, I am not sure of the purpose of this written work. Are you responding to an IELTS or TOEFL prompt? Or are you just writing for the sake of practicing your writing skills in English. If the latter is the case, then I have to tell you that your writing is highly emotional and descriptive. However, if you mean this essay for a non-professional reader, then your line of reasoning will not be easily understood and, due to the depth of the example that you chose, may end up boring the average reader. Keep in mind that your writing must be easily understood by the average reader. Unless, you are writing for a professional journal or something similar. You also have a problem with your punctuation. You lack commas to indicate pauses in certain instances when it was necessary. You have hanging paragraphs that contain only 2 sentences. Having only 2 sentences does not help to strengthen your discussion. In an academically written paper, you need to write at least 5 sentences in order to create a coherent paragraph. You cannot expect to fully explain your intent in only 2 sentences. You also need to use more connecting words such as "a" and "the" in your essays. The lack of these connecting words make your written work difficult to read. The essay is interesting in terms of topic and your presentation. However, your presentation can use some improvements. Good effort though. Keep practicing.
**These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?**  
  
## changing roles of woman and men in the family

  
  
Nowadays, there is a small change in roles of mothers and fathers: instead of being primary caretakers of familial needs, women tend to find a worthy position in the workplace while their husbands tend to stay at home and do the majority of housework. Achievements in gender equality may place special responsibility for this tendency. However, for any reason whatsoever, this trend is indispensable to promote sustainable social development.  
  
The hidden reason behind this change should be related to sexual equality. Some success in women's fight for equal opportunities has changed their thoughts. They make up the majority of professional workers in many countries, even some areas in science and technology, traditionally considered to be man's domain, now belong to women. They earn higher salaries, are able to provide for family and as a result, they soon reject the traditional notion of women as stay-at-home mothers. In contrast, modern society also gives men more chance to be connected with family by sharing housework with their busy wives and even taking care of their children - the act which is not usually expected in traditional men.  
  
In my opinion, I totally agree with this development. This does not mean our notions of men's and women's role will be changed completely in the future. Men are still providers and protectors, women are still nurturers, however, nobody can prohibit a man from taking care of children and a women from helping her husband to earn money. This tendency gives all people, regardless of their sexes, the same opportunities to develop their own abilities. Moreover, this trend breaks all backward notions and makes both men and women to be more responsibility for their families.  
  
Overall, change in women's and men's roles in family is essential for social development. There are many reasons to explain this tendency, however, gender equality is the major part. We should encourage this because of all advantages in raising the human rights and creating a better society.
Quan, excellent reasoning discussion. Bad opening statement. You almost had the opening statement perfected, except that you fouled up the presentation of the discussion instruction and the opinion presentation. The discussion sentence of the opening statement should have read:  
  
*... This essay will discuss the reasons for this development as well as my thoughts as to whether this is a positive or negative development.*  
  
Then the first paragraph should have opened with:  
  
*I think that the trend of having the father stay at home is a positive event because...*  
  
Since your discussion of the positive or negative development of having father's stay at home is the central theme of the essay, you must present that at the very start. That will be anchor of the whole discussion that you will be presenting so the reader needs to know that opinion from the second paragraph onward.  
  
Your conclusion is also not in accordance with the requirements. It should have said:  
  
*The trend of having fathers stay home while the mothers work is not a negative development. This is something that proves the equality of the sexes. As such, it should be deemed a positive development for our society.*  
  
Always remember, the conclusion is not a continuation of the discussion. It is the ending of the topic presentation. So the fact that you continued the discussion instead of summarizing the content in order to end it means that you did not follow the appropriate parameters for the essay development.
Topic: **Beside the internet's advantages, some people think that the internet brings bad effects. To what extent, do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## essay about effect of internet on our life

  
  
The role of the internet is today debated, with some claiming that it is really harmless beside its advantages. So I do entirely accept this, and I will explain why in this essay.  
  
Firstly, I must consider the potential disadvantage of the internet's lure in modern society. For example, the relationship among most of the people in a society has become much more distant than in the past because a digital device with internet seem to be concerned as the best friend taken with them all the time. We can see this in a family whose members are no longer willing to compliment each other or in a group whose people are too busy using internet instead talking with each other. Furthermore, there are numerous examples of tension between digital devices and the internet, ranging from computer to laptop, ipad and smartphone. In these cases, the internet definitely leads to an emotionless world.  
  
Another reason to be wary of this idea is the information. It is sometimes said that the internet is a source bringing people the large number of information in a huge range of fields. In reality, however, it is definitely not to be a reliable source because there are various drugging and corruption or unreal information from images to news or music is likely to damage a whole generation of the young. This causes social issues such as violence, evil, ,mental disorder increasingly common. We leave with the impression that internet appears to be a cunning demon eating human's heart as well as mind.  
  
It is not to say that the internet is entirely bad, of course. There are some benefits in terms of fostering acquisition of knowledge. But to say that its force in society development is to ignore various problems it causes.
Gia, your opening statement does not accurately represent a paraphrase of the original content. Please allow me to show you a more proper approach to the given statement;  
  
*The internet is said to offer numerous advantages. Yet, there are some people who believe that the same technology brings negative effects. I tend to agree with the people who believe in the negative contribution of the internet to a certain degree.  
  
I agree with the statement that the internet offers negative effects to the extent that it affect our social and family interaction...*  
  
Using the above example, you will see that there is an accurate paraphrasing of the 3 discussion aspects within the original statement. These are :  
  
1. The topic for discussion;  
2. The reason for the discussion;  
3. The side of the discussion that I support.  
  
Those are the standard information that is required in the opening statement of any essay. As for the body, you did a very good job of discussing related information. However, the conclusion, did not accurately sum up the discussion as it appears that you included new information in it. New information requires another paragraph for discussion and is not considered to ever be a closing statement. The closing statement is only a representation of the previous discussion. So the content has to be:  
  
1. A restatement of the prompt;  
2. Discussion points;  
3. Closing sentence that repeats your position.  
  
So your closing sentence should have been:  
  
*Even as there are reasons to believe in the advantages of the internet, there is truth to the reasoning that it also has negative effects. It continues to reduce physical interaction among friends and family members, causing negative developments in these relationships. . There are also proven moments of misinformation coming from internet sources. Therefore, the extent of my agreement regarding the negative effects of the internet are based upon these information.*
Well done, you have answered the prompt thoroughly although some areas in terms of paragraph development need more rooms for improvements. Lets talk about the opening paragraph. In this part, it is always good to build background sentences linked to the topic, but sadly you have failed to do so. As seen, some phrases like today debate and really harmless are sidetrack. Not only this, the former phrase is commonly used in Students' essay, and thus is too fake for examiners. I suggest rewriting or omitting this.  
  
When it comes to thesis statement, this essay leaves readers for nothing. A good thesis statement should guide the readers what will be discussed in the following body paragraphs. The phrases: I will explain why in this essay will not help a lot. For this reason, you'd better omit it.  
  
The body paragraphs above are too bulky since they contain overwhelming information. Focus on one idea for one paragraph. You might start with a topic sentence followed by a simple reason to defend your claim and create an example by using journalis questions (5W 1 H).  
  
What makes your essay different from the others is the way you present supporting details. Remember this. Hopefully this helps :)
Eric, in terms of research this is very well done. However, in terms of presentation, it does not follow academic guidelines. As you perhaps can recall, the actual presentation of information cannot be made in the opening statement of your research paper. Instead, you have to present an opening "hook" and a thesis statement at its end. I strongly suggest that you open with the statement about your mother being ill and your becoming a donor. Then at the end of the story, present the thesis statement that your research paper will be responding to. I have no problem with the research itself as it is informative and up to date. The only portion that you have to fix is the statement of research objectives / opening statement. You will better interest the reader by opening with the personal story and then transitioning into the research information presentation. If you can hold on to the interest of the reader, you will be able to gain a better score. I also noticed that you have a paragraph composed of only 2 lines. You have to integrate it into either the prior or later paragraph because that hanging presentation is not considered to be completely informative. Always present your information in complete paragraphs.
Many people think that the government should spent money on developing and improving road system. Others think that car drivers should pay the cost for it. Discuss both views and give your opinions  
  
............................................................................................................................................................  
Please give me advices and score  
............................................................................................................................................................  
  
## crowded cars on the roads

  
  
In this era, public facilities of transportation become important thing people need to support their activities, especially in urban area. All people either machine based trasportation driver or cycler have a right for enjoying the facilities, one of which is road. Reality these days, trend of car is increasing in all regions. This is reason why some people argue that car drivers should pay the cost of developing and improving road system. Yet, others believe that the cost is a part of regulations the government concern. In the following essay I will explain arguments from both sides and my own opinion.  
  
In some metropolitan cities such as Jakarta and Beijing, have huge number of people. Except toll road used by car drivers only, some roads are always crowded --even in weekend-- by many kinds of vehicle. Compared to other vehicle, car waste more space of road. It makes sense, normally car has 8 spaces of seat, although at the moment it is used by just one person. With the increased trend, it can says that car drivers are king of road.  
  
In the other hand, all roads can enjoyed by all people and all drivers of vehicle. As a user, people have to pay tax used for maintaining road system. All tax managed by the government is a source of annual budgeting of country. Road is public facilities getting attention of budgeting of country and tax is a responsiblity for all people as citizen, regardless majority road usage is by car drivers and there are many persons do not use the road. Indirectly, developing and improving road system is the government's task as a regulator.  
  
All in all, in these days trend of car is inclining and trigger traffic crowded in roads. But I say that road is a public facilities of country and the budget of maintaining road come from tax paid by people as a responsility for each citizen. And as regulator, the government have to manage tax and create programme, such as maintaining road system.
@ghazali  
  
~~In s~~Some metropolitan cities (...) Beijing~~,~~ have a huge ~~number of people~~ population.  
  
~~In~~On the other hand, all roads ~~can~~should be (...) and all drivers ~~of vehicle~~.  
  
Your structure is clear but there are some grammar mistakes that makes the essay difficult to understand. I suggest using some grammar checking and proofreading websites first, for example 1checker or grammarly
Muhammad, your score will not be very good for this essay. I do not think that it can score higher than a 4 for a number of reasons. I'll explain my reasons in full detail below.  
  
First, you do not clearly express yourself in the essay. Your desire to use as many English words as possible, without consideration for what you truly want to say in the essay has caused your paragraphs to become very confusing. The confusion your paragraphs create causes stress on the reader who cannot really decipher what you have to say. Do not aim to write complex sentences when you know that you are still unable to do so. Keeping your sentences simple and clear will score better than creating difficult to understand paragraphs.  
  
Second, take for example your second paragraph, you said a lot of things, but you did not justify the line of reasoning that the car owners should be made to pay for the cost of maintaining and creation of new roads. Your lack of justification and information proceeds into the 3rd paragraph as well.  
  
Finally, you also neglected to create a proper concluding paragraph for the essay. Your personal opinion is never acceptable as a concluding statement simply because a concluding statement does not contain new information. It is merely a summation of the discussion you created based upon the topic and instructions you were originally provided.
## Office vs factory workers

  
  
Society have two kinds of worker that are employer and employee. Among employee, office workers and factory workers are much more popular. Both have many similarities, but their differences are more striking.  
  
Office workers have a few common feature with factory worker. First, like office workers, factory workers do their work 8 hours a day. They begin their work at 7 am and end at 5pm ( take a break from 11am to 1 pm). Both of them work overtime when the boss request. if they don't complete their worker in their work time, they will do overtime. Office workers resemble factory workers, both may do repetitive work, office workers do with the computer all day and factory workers work in a production line in a factory or in a section of a warehouse.  
  
However, the differences are even more remarkable. Office workers are people who work by their brain while factory workers are people who work by hand. In fact, office workers do not usually do any physical labor, they are often more concerned with mental activities such as balancing an account, making a sale, or writing a report while factory workers usually stand or are physically active all day. Unlike office workers, factory workers must wear uniforms and safety gear such as gloves or protective eye wear. Office workers do not wear uniforms, they usually wear polite clothes which are suitable for an office. Lastly, office worker have a higher salary than factory workers. Factory workers are the persons who have few skills and a little educations so they aren't payed high salary.  
  
All in all, although there are many differences between office workers and factory workers, they have some similarities points. Office workers or factory workers are people who work and earn money by themselves.
Phuong, if you are writing this essay for an IELTS Task 2 practice test, then you have done a very good job. Although you tended to go beyond the maximum 5 sentence requirement, the additional sentence did not stray for the original discussion so it actually helped to increase the potential of your essay. The language you used is clear and easily understood. However, you have a problem with the plural version of words so you need to brush up on that aspect of your English writing skills. For example, the word in this instance, since it refers to numerous workers would be "employees" instead of "employee" which is the singular version of the word. Also, the term is "similar points" not "similarities points". Additionally, do not present any information in a parenthesis. You must always include it as a regular sentence. However, in this case, you could have omitted the information in the parenthesis because it does not have a direct relationship with the discussion you are providing. The break time that the employees get is irrelevant in this discussion. In your conclusion, you made a simple error by closing the sentence with additional new information. Always be conscious that the concluding statement cannot contain new information because a development of the discussion cannot be done within a concluding paragraph. You should have replaced it with a sentence that better summed up the original prompt instead. By the way, your conclusion could have done with better complex sentence development by adding another sentence. That way your score could have seen an even greater consideration than the 7 that I believe it can get.
## methods for evaluating students

  
  
Although many schools have used examinations as a way of measuring their students' performances, some people suggest that they should supersede it by some form of continuous assessment. Personally I think no one method that applies to all educational systems.  
  
On the one hand, exams can be both encouraging and academic. Taking exams is the best way of stimulating learners to compete with others to get better grades, and those of who are the best will be awarded. An additional point is that exams can evaluate how good and flexible a student is when he tackles a number of questions requiring all of what has been studied for a long time. Furthermore, students will be motivated to strengthen their information processing skills which can be a valuable experience for their own lives.  
  
However, there are some arguments that this traditional method does not test students' knowledge but how much they can remember in few days. And it is unfair for those who always study hard but have a poor memory for facts and figures. Moreover, students will be under too much pressure to spend most of the their time cramming for exercises to satisfy their thirsts for being the best. Lastly, using overall assessment of the whole period of study can prove a great deal of efforts of students from the beginning.  
  
In conclusion, while continuous assessment may be fairer to some extent, exams also play a crucial part in evaluating one's abilities. It is reasonable to use both methods so that students can deserve a reward for their abilities or hard work.