dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**The purpose of businesses is to make money and they should concentrate only on this. Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Having business has given more challenge for people how to manage the company. The most essential one is that people need to get as much as possible profits from their business. However, I tend to agree that the main purpose for doing business is money, so the company should focus on getting benefits.  
  
Company is built because people want get some advantages and can make the company still producing. The owner and the employee must give the best effort that they have and keep working without considering another aspect inside or outside the company. The consequences are they will stick to the purpose and much money that they have earned. For instance, mining company has earned tonnes of benefits in Indonesia because the company keep producing continuously. Hence, getting much money can be obtained by companies with hard-working and only focus on profits.  
  
However, company should consider another aspect to get more advantages in its company. The environment is the most significant side that need to think. If there is something bad happened in the environment and even they have get plenty of money, they have to pay fines for environmental damage. It will totally decrease their profits and sometimes the company will be bankrupt. For instance, nuclear companies that just contribute to get money, in 1992 they had to close the company because they did not consider the dangerous for people who lived surrounding the location. Therefore, simple thing can be more complicated if company do not want to think about it and just want to get much money.  
  
All in all, concentrate to get much money is essential for the company but they have to remember other factors that can be disaster if they underestimate it. In my opinion, I think people can get money easily if they make attention to the nature instead of profits.
Hai @Wilyaftika23, I got some advice for your writing:  
  
1. ... given more challenge(S) for people how ...  
  
2. ... people want (TO) get some advantages ...  
  
3. ... to get money, in 1992(,) ~~they~~ had to close the company  
  
4. ... if company do(ES) not want to think about it ...  
  
5. ... essential for the compan~~y~~ (IES) but they ...  
  
6. ...easily if they ~~make~~ (PAY) attention to ...
**In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it a valuable work experience, which is important for learning and taking responsibility. What is your opinion?**  
  
I will appreciate every kind of recommendation in order to improve my writing skills.  
  
Nowadays, we live in a world, with very competetive working environment. According to many people, kids shold be encouraged to work during their time in school in order gain experience and be able to cope with today's world requirments.On the other hand, others believe this approach is completely wrong, but in my opinion the children should be stimulated to work, because they will recieve valuable experience and at the same time, earn enough money, to become more independent from their parents.(I want to say that, this was one the worst introductions, that i have ever written.)  
  
First of all, If one kid really wants to succeedin today's world, it needs to learn how the world outside its school actually works. There is no better way to do that, than to dive in and spend some time "on the field". Moreover, the kid will learn how to be more responsible and independent for its own actions. Not at last, the experience gained at the workplace will make the child more attractive in front of its future employers.  
  
We all know that, if you want to be independent, you need to have a good amount of money in your bank account.Even though, it will be hard for a child to earn a lot of money, even the smallest amount will be a good foundation. With these savings, every kid will be able to live on their own and decide its own future, withour depending on its parents funding. In addition, the only way for the kids to understand the real value of the money is by actually having them.  
  
In conclusion, i think people should require from their kids to have at least basic experience in particular working area, before their graduation. This will make them not only more responsible and confident, but even more independent and prepared for the life after school.
Hi Ivan, I believe this is the first time I'm going to review your essay and I hope they are valuable to your revision and you follow through with the suggested modifications.  
  
As I read through the essay, I must say you have written a well managed essay, you have directed the prompt accordingly and you made sure that the words you choose are easy to comprehend, this also helps in making sure that your reader will understand the essay and the message that you are trying to send across to your readers.  
  
However, I have a few suggestions for the last part of your essay.  
  
- In conclusion, ~~i think people should require from their~~I believe kids should acquire the~~to have at least~~ basic experience ~~in particular~~of a working area,  
  
before ~~their~~ graduation. This will ~~make them not only~~encourage them to be more responsible and confident,  
~~but~~and be even more independent ...  
  
There you have Ivan, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision.
In our highly industrialized era, consumers have been intending to purchase numerous avoidable artificial products. Many of them consider that the development has a significance one, but I strongly disagree with the statement. This will discuss by analyzing both the over use of natural resources for avoidable goods and the imposing of cost of additional production on the whole civilization.  
  
The exploitation of innate resources for avoidable production has been growing these days. It is because people, who maybe influence by attractive advertisement, have an intention to collect such types of products. If they buy only necessary one, so they able to reserve more resources for next generation .For example, if I buy some unnecessary things, I am not helping others of my fellow citizens to enjoy resources in the future. Thus, this makes it clear why such product should be avoidable by all.  
  
In addition, more consuming produces more waste. This waste ends up in landfill sites, although people do not think about the consequences of dropping rubbish. Furthermore, consumer love to buy the newest fashions to follow the recent trend .This resulted in a boost in the expenditure which ultimately leads the social cost. For instance, a new mobile phone; buying new things because throwing away old but good things. Regrettably, this is something that lead more expenditure on individuals.  
  
To conclude, unnecessary products manufacturing means the misuse of natural assets which lead a certain cost on the public, but some of them are not realizing this unsavory problem. From this it become quite evident that everyone should become concerned about the future of human beings and our planet. One should think twice before buying things we do not need.  
  
Hello everyone,  
pls check my writing n give me ur valuable suggestion . I m going to attend IELTS next month . so my correction is urgent.  
  
Thanks dear friends for helping me in writing .
In our highly industrialized era, --- Nowadays, we live in highly industrialized era I think, the sentence sounds better writed like this  
with the that statement  
  
This essay will discuss by analyzing both the over use overuse  
  
It is becauseof the people, who are ]maybe influence d by the attractive advertisement, ...  
If they buy only necessary one, so they able to reserve more resources for next generation  
  
Furthermore, consumer loves to buy the newest fashions to and follow the recent latest trends  
buying new things because throwing away old but good things -- i understand, what do you mean, but you need to rewrite this sentence - it sounds too odd and hard for understanding
**The diagram below shows how heat is lost and energy wasted in a house because of air getting into and out of the house.**Writi  
  
The diagram provides about the process how air flow into and out of the house and make a heat loss in a house. Overall, it can be seen that air flow into a house from below side of the roof and flow out from roof.  
  
Firstly, air come from many places, such as dryer vent, outdoor faucet, kitchen fan vent, electrical outlet, window, and door. After that the air from bottom side or first floor flow to the second floor. And then, in second floor there is an air come from electrical outlet, kitchen fan vent, window, and door. Together with the air from first floor, it flows to the upside into the roof.  
  
However, heat loss happens on the roof. The process begin with the air entering the roof from second floor. After that, heat flow to the outside from bathroom fan velt and plumbing stack vent. Next, recessed lights make heat that will flow from the roof as well. In one hand, attic hatch through the chase from second floor and go outside to flow the heat.  
  
*   
*Question*
Hi Mardian,  
Overall, your writing is good but here is some suggestions for you.  
  
1)"... about the process of how air..."  
  
2) Remember that **air** is a singular, so the verb after it should be +s/es.  
"....that air flows into a house... "  
"....air comes from many places.."  
and so on  
  
3) Take a look the time connector that you use since time transition is a substantial thing to be noticed in writing a process diagram.  
  
4) I see that the sentence you use in your writing is a simple sentence. In order to get a higher score, it's better to use the complex one.  
  
Keep doing your best!  
Thanks.
**The diagram below shows how heat is lost and energy wasted in a house because of air getting into and out of the house.**  
  
The picture illustrates some parts of a house where air absorb and release. Then, how heat and energy is lost. Overall, it can be seen that leaking of air happened into and out the house.  
  
One of pathways that show air leaking into house is in dryer event which is located in basement. There are two ways of air to leaking into this room which are by pipe and ventilation. In the same floor, outdoor faucet also become one way to air enters. By the tap, air throughout and enters to the room. Move to the first floor, air leaking into three areas. First, in the bathroom by electrical outlet. Second, in the main room by window, door, and fireplace. The last is in the kitchen room where air leaking out by kitchen fan event and the window.  
  
Leaking out of air happen in the balcony part. Some of parts which are release heat are tan event and recessed lights in bathroom. The next part is plumbing stack vent which throughout from basement until the rooftop. Other part is attic hatch in the first floor middle room and the top of fireplace as well. Then, recessed lights in kitchen area.  
  
*
Hello, Aini :)  
Here are some additional suggestions for you.  
  
*Concerning on the first paragraph:  
It is always better if you can form complete sentence.  
Also, try to write two sentences in the overview which represent the main idea of the first and the second paragraphs.*  
*Pay more attention to passive sentences.*  
  
... parts of a house in where air is absorbed and releasedwhich cause lost of heat and energy.  
  
*The second paragraph:  
You can use some discourse markers, which I could not found in this paragraph, in order to maintain the flow of your sentences.  
Ensure that you have used subject and verb in the appropriate way.*  
  
There are some pathways where the air leaks into the house. One of them is in the dryer event located in the basement in which the air passes through the pipe and ventilators. In the same floor, also, there a tap in the outdoor faucet which allows the air to enter the room. Move to the first floor, the air fills three different rooms via various leaking holes. Firstly, it comes to the bathroom by the electrical outlet, and then it fills the main room passing through the window, the door and the fireplace. The last is in the kitchen room where the air leaks out by kitchen fan event and another window.
**The internet has transformed the way information is shared and consumed, but it has also created problems that did not exist before.  
What are the most serious problems associated with the internet and what solutions can you suggest?**  
  
In modern digital era, the growth of advanced technology has revolutionized the way people to do everything. Internet as a product of sophisticated technology has many benefits in human life such as changing the way information to be shared and consumed by public, yet it also has appeared causes these days. Although internet has merits and demerits, personally I do believe that some viable solutions should be taken to tackle this problems.  
  
Needless to say, many people argue that internet damages culture. Firstly, by surfing to internet, everyone can find global information easily. They tend to be influenced by foreign cultures which serve different programmes without any filtration. For instance, internet provides many websites contained negative content which can be accessed for all aged groups. Secondly, internet can change people's lifestyle into sedentary lifestyle. It is really hazardous when children play online game in long period which tends to make them getting obesity. Another problem can be seen is many people utilize internet to do some digital crimes such as fraud and kid napping.  
  
The aforementioned evidence occurs multifaceted problems. To overcome this, I do believe that government, parents, and education institution should work together to tackle this problems. First of all, the government should be active to ban websites which contain negative content. In addition, they have to create a standard regulation to filter the websites. For example, Ministry of Technology and Information in Indonesia has campaigned "internet positive" programme by blocking several websites which are inappropriate with the standard. Moreover, parents and educational also should take a role to give the best education in order to protect children and people doing negative activities.  
  
All in all, multiple stakeholders play an essential role in making regulation to restrain irresponsible activities using internet. So, the predominant upside of using internet can be utilized broadly. **(304 words)**
Homeschooling is chosen by the most of families in United States approximately one million children. It can be found at Japan, Taiwan, and South Africa as well. Homeschooling is not a novel idea: in contrast, it is a relatively new practice enrolling the children to a conventional school. In this modern era, there are many rationales why parents opt to homeschooling for their child's education way: they live in rural area, children with exceptional talent in arts, disgruntled to school available. Other than that, differing educational philosophy regarding safety of the school environment and home-grown school cannot accommodate their child's education needs. Government in some regions avowed course of such study is mandated, whilst homeschooler perhaps required only follow common guidelines or even none at all. As a matter of fact, most of families keep their preferences on a formal school: similarly, homeschooling become another preference and it has more prevalent among parents.
Hi there, I have a few suggestions for your essay and I hope it is helpful.  
  
- Homeschooling is chosen by ~~the~~ most of families in the - United States at approximately one million children.  
- It ~~can be found at~~is practiced in Japan, Taiwan,  
- not a ~~novel~~noble idea:  
- ~~in contrast~~on the contrary ( contrast - is for colors / contrary - is for ideas ) ,  
- it is a relatively new practice of enrolling the  
- ~~homeschooling~~homeschool~~for~~ their child~~'s education way:~~especially if they live in rural area,  
- arts~~,~~are often disgruntled to ~~school~~ available school .  
- ~~home-grown~~national schools cannot  
- whilst homeschooler are perhaps required only to follow common guidelines  
- or ~~even none~~some who doesn't have any guidelines at all.  
- As a matter of fact, most ~~of~~ families keep their preferences  
- it ~~has~~is more prevalent among parents.  
  
There you have it, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and for future writing reference, mind the words that you use to associate in your sentences as this will have an impact in the overall outcome of the essay.
The internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are. On the other hand, it also isolates us and encourages people not to socialize.  
  
It is a fact that internet technology has helped people in connecting with their relatives and friends, but many think that it has made people become less socialized and more individualistic. I strognly is agree that the internet has a great influence in people's social life, this will be showed by analyzing both the positive function of the internet and the appropriate use of it .  
  
The internet has caused people to become more isolated socially. IT is because those spend more time on websites where have a variety of application software that allow them to do what they want for hours .As a result, their families are having communication problems these days due to they have less time for an eye to eye contact with other family members.  
  
The technology however; allow user to communicate better through the web in more different ways. Even It helps them to correspond with others more easily and in a convenient manner. Yahoo is a familiar example that has led all to be connected via their electronic devices. In addition, people who live in abroad can connect through the Internet via teleconference or Skype. It is clear from that user can handle it in convenient way to maintain social interaction.  
  
Moreover, the use of the internet totally depend on its user. If they spend their time to maintain network with others through the web rather than playing or watching online games and videos for hours. For example, Facebook can be used for sharing thoughts, experiences, ideas and feelings .Thus, may strengthen bond and create a smooth relation with each other  
  
In conclusion, although online technology has become a problem for some people's social life, if people use it wisely and appropriately then I do believe that it has enormous benefits for individuals and societies.
Hi Tanjin, I believe this is the first time that I'm giving you a review and I hope it will be valuable and even more so, useful to your revision. We aim to provide you the most accurate and credible feedback in order to modify and strengthen your essay.  
  
Having said that, as I go through the essay, I believe, the first thing that you have to do is to to make sure that the presentation of the paragraphs will not look like you are trying to make them longer by creating short paragraphs, you can merge the 1st two paragraphs and the 3rd and the 4th as well as the 5th and the 6th, this way you will create 3 paragraphs that are better presented than the one you have with shorter paragraphs.  
  
Overall, you have a well written essay, you managed to create a full standard writing, following the presentation of the introduction, the body and the conclusion. I do agree with you that the use of technology is accompanied with great responsibility.
Hi Tanjin. Here are my suggestions for you.  
  
*I will focus on your grammatical structure and give you suggestions for collocations .*  
  
1. It is a popular fact that the internet technology has (...), but many of them think that...  
  
~~I strognly is agree~~I strongly agree that the internet (...) social life~~,~~(.) this will be showed by ...  
  
2. ... application software that ~~allow~~allows them to do ...(you can add an example sentence before the result sentence.)  
  
3. The technology(,) however; allows user to communicate...  
Yahoo is a familiar ~~example~~platform that has led all ...  
  
4. It is clear ~~from~~ that user can handle it in a convenient way to ...  
  
*I hope it can be helpful for you.  
Goodluck.*
***Each year, the crime rate increases.  
What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?***  
  
*Answer*:  
  
Crime is an old phenomenon. Its rate has been growing significantly now-a-days. Actually, there are many reasons for that awful and miserable occurrence. These reason will be discuses to find out the effective actions in order to resolve the rising crime rate .  
  
The main source of crime, such as killing, stealing, robbing, kidnapping, rap etc, is the lack of social wellbeing. People often involve in unlawful activities because they didn't get enough care during childhood and adolescence or not married. For instant , In a recent study about crimes and their reasons, professor Kathy Mac James said that 85% gangsters joined gangs due to the shortage of social welfare. Consequently, people end up into criminal activities where they can do as their wish.  
  
A solution to worrying problem is insuring people's essential needs. If they had had enough money and other daily needs for themselves and their families; many criminals would not have become criminals, so we should take care of is the lack of necessary demands. Moreover, some people are psychiatric disordered and which in turn leads to violence. That is why we have to careful about our loved one's mental health condition ,so that we can take proper treatment of them on time. Furthermore, Some has intention to look at other peoples' properties and not pleased with what they have. And that, of course, leads to hatred and then lead to misdeeds, so we need to impart moral values when kids grow .Another one , government have to take steps providing essential need and to implement strict law against criminals .  
  
To conclude, although the ever-increasing of immoral actions, drive from mainly need. To resolve it, both the government and the individuals need to work together to halt the serious issue, and they should help the needy, not only with money but also psychological help and support.Thus, it will be possible to close down illegal practice .  
  
# plz give me feedback in details , I m novice. Thanx in advance .  
# plz check my punctuation
**The purpose of businesses is to make money and they should to concentrate only on this.  
Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
At present, businesses are one of sectors that have a big opportunity and profit. Some people argue businesses have to focus on making money and profit on what they produce. Personally, I tend to disagree with this view since I believe presence of businesses play an important role in society and making contribution to local community.  
  
Making money is the main part of what businesses do. They have to make profit to make their effort still stand out. Businesses also have to make income on what they produce so that the production processes do not stop.  
  
However, I think there are many roles that businesses have to do aside from produce profits. It related to the society. They have to make contribution to local community. For instance, open requirement in where are businesses located for job to local people as priority. By this requirement more people have a job, and surely affected to local community living standard. Presence of businesses also can make an area more popular if the business produces something that special from the local community. For example, there is a food namely "Dodol Garut" in Indonesia. It is so popular. Initially of this food is started in local area called Garut. It attracts other people in that place to produce it because of interesting profit. Until now, Dodol Garut have been produced and become unique food of that area. This is businesses role to increase a local community's name.  
  
All in all, I believe that presence of businesses not only for money or profit. It has an important role for society. Businesses also have to make contribution on local community.