dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Science tells us about the activities which are good for our health and others which are bad. Millions of people all over the world knows this and still do unhealthy activities. Why do you think this is and what can be done to change it?**  
  
## BAD OR UNHEALTHY ACTIVITIES THAT PEOPLE NEED TO CHANGE.

  
  
With this modern day and age, most people still practice activities that are unhealthy despite the knowledge that these are bad for them, such as smoking and alcohol drinking. I believe that one of the reasons is because some bad things feel good that people cannot fight the temptation it brings.  
  
The most commong thing that people do even though it bad for their health and yet they keep doing is smoking. As a health care professional, I know that nicotine that comes with smoking can cause cancer, and yet most of my friends, who are also in medical field, are smokers. It is ironic that health advocates who advice that smoking is bad, are also doing the same thing. My colleagues tried to quit smoking but could not, as they have said, their bodies just crave the smell of nicotine and the high it brings to them.  
  
Another habit that people cannot stop doing is drinking alcohol. Stress is usually the cause of it. Although there is a study that a glass of wine or beer everyday can be considered healthy, millions of people consume more than that on a daily basis. Despite knowing that too much alcohol in our system can result to drunkenness that might lead tgem to actions they will regret, people still intake alcohol like it is water, because for them, beer tastes good and it is fun to get drunk.  
  
Those activities mentioned above are two of the most popular activities that most people do even when it it bad for them. Self-control, I believe, is the best way to avoid this. With that, discipline follows and it can help people to change or stop these bad habits.  
  
In addition, some countries put high prices on cigarettes and liquors as a way to help everyone in controlling the unhealthy activities they do. However, I believe that knowing that something is bad for you should also reflect to your actions and lifestyle. As the famous saying goes, change starts with you.  
  
*Thanks in advance for the future criticisms. I hope applied the corrections from my previous mistakes.*
Heyy Jalp, I liked your essay about unhealthy activities.  
Maybe you should also talk about replacing unhealthy activities, like smoking, with healthy ones, like jogging or idk any kind of sports.  
  
You should pay attention, some of your claims are factually wrong.  
(Nicotine does not cause cancer (the other substances in cigarettes do), the study that a glass of wine a day is healthy is also bogus, stress is not the cause of alcohol consumption)  
  
I did not check for spelling mistakes.  
  
With this modern day and age , most people ...  
(You should not be so critical at the beginning of the essay. I would not use "most people")  
(Recommendation: People always have had vices. Nowadays, even though people are informed about the negative side-effects of alcohol consumption and/or smoking, they continue practicing those unhealthy activities because of the feeling of fulfillment they bring with them.)  
  
(...who advice against smoking)  
(I like this sentence: It is ironic that health advocates who advice that smoking is bad, are also doing the same thing)  
  
(Another unhealthy habit of people is alcohol consumption. Most studies that have linked moderate alcohol consumption to a healthy diet have been disproven.  
Here you could also say: Societies link alcohol consumption with having a good time. At parties people who do not drink are ostracized. So, in order to feel like being a part of the group people consume alcohol even though it is not pleasurable to them. Sometimes high intakes of alcohol are linked to peer pressure, for example at college parties.)  
  
In addition, some countries put high prices ...  
(In addition some countries, like Germany and Sweden, decided to introduce a cigarette and alcohol tax, in order to steer the society towards a healthier lifestyle.)  
  
I feel like a conclusion is missing. Something like:  
To summarize, i believe people have enough information to discern if a certain activity is healthy or unhealthy. it all comes down to determination and the support of friends and family.  
  
Good luck!!  
  
Anca
Jea, you are not being asked for examples of the bad habits of people and what causes them to do these harmful activities. This is a direct question essay that asks you why you think people engage in bad activities in relation to their health and how it can be changed. As the question has a generalized tone, being specific to a few bad habits in your discussion runs counter to the original thesis statement.  
  
The more appropriate tone for this discussion would be general as well. A discussion that doesn't focus on specific illnesses or bad habits which can be discussed in general. For example. For the part asking why you think people do these then the thesis statement for this essay should be indicative of the "Why" and " how to change" discussion. So the thesis statement should appear as follows:  
  
*I think that people do engage in unhealthy activities because of a weak personality. Therefore, strengthening their personal resolve to follow what they know to be right for their health is a possible solution to this problem.*  
  
Remember, you are not being asked what you "believe", you are being asked what you "think". There is a difference between the two words that alters the discussion perception when presented to the reader. The body paragraphs should represent the following discussions:  
  
1. Why do you think that a weak personality causes the problem.  
2. An example that illustrates your line of thinking. (Use one general example for this such as heart disease. )  
3. How can it be changed?  
  
You need not mention you are a healthcare professional. That does not have any bearing on this case because you did not use a patient case as an example in the text. The examiner could care less about what your profession is. If you want to mention your profession, then use an example that will tie into the discussion.  
  
While your discussion is informative, it really veers off tangent in the first few paragraphs and doesn't come back into the proper discussion until the 4th paragraph. You should not use and "in addition" reference if you have already presented a possible solution. You should be working on the closing summary of your discussion instead. Remember, the 5th paragraph needs to be a concluding summary and nothing more.
@zajacfury  
Thank you very much for giving me ideas. Your sentences do sound better. Hope to see you around the thread so I can learn more. I agree that my conclusion is a bit odd or kind of lacking. Again, thank you and i appreciate the effort. ☺️  
  
@Holt  
Thank you for pointing that out, I clearly failed to answer the task question. I will try answering this again with your suggestions on how I represent the body paragraph, although I'm not sure if i'm allowed to do that or post my new essay again. Either way, I'm grateful for still giving me advices despite my poor previous essays. I like to believe that I'm slowly learning. Small steps but moving forward nonetheless. 👍🏼
## fast food consumption in the usa

  
  
The chart presents the proportion of frequency of American eating at fast food restaurant in 2003, 2006 and 2013.  
  
It is obvious that the data are defined in three groups. Most people pretend to eat fast food once a week or once or twice a month. In contrast, the options of 'Every day' and 'Never' have the lowest ratio. Camp are to the highest and lowest, others are in theirs average.  
  
Differ form other trends, the choices of 'once or twice a month' in 2013 surpassed the data in 2003 and 2006, which is around 32 per cent. This was the only time that the data in 2013 has higher than the 2003 and 2006.  
  
In 2006 and 2013, the options of 'every day', 'A few times a year' and 'never' have an identical porprotion, which were around 2.5, 15 and 4 per cent respectively. Other options have a clear distance between the different period of percentage.  
  
*
Joey, this is a very weak analytical report based on the chart you were provided. Several presentation problems occurred that resulted in this failed summarized report. These include lack of appropriate data in your presentation, comparison analysis, a proper trending statement, and a clear lack of grammar control when it comes to sentence development. Therefore, this essay will most likely not receive a passing score when it comes to the actual test.  
  
The first paragraph is the prompt paraphrase. For this essay, you need to present:  
1. The topic  
2. The type of graph - this is not a chart, this is a bar graph  
3. Measurements used- percentages  
4. Inclusive comparison dates - 2003,2006,2013  
5. Trending statement  
  
The above information would have helped you to create an accurate and properly representative paraphrase of the given information.  
  
Next, your paragraphs need to have a uniform number of required sentences in order to gain proper C&C scoring potential. Your sentences that have only 1 or 2 sentences in it do not really convey a clear explanation of the information being presented. The minimum sentence requirement for coherence purposes is 3 with a maximum of 5. 5 sentences shows clarity in the presentation to the utmost extent.  
  
As for your data presentation, you were given the measurements in terms of years and percentages, You need to have used all the percentage references in the yearly presentation and comparison because these are the most important and required information for your report analysis. Leaving out the digits means you are not accurately informing the reader. You need to show the up and down trends in the graph by making references to the percentage measurements per data consideration, per year. So the 3 sentence presentation is:  
  
1. Topic sentence / data consideration  
2. Year of analysis  
3. percentage of measurement  
4. data analysis from your understanding. (Use third person perspective)  
  
Try to write up to 200 words for this type of essay in order to gain the best possible scoring considerations all around. Also, work on your grammar as you have a problem using the correct English words. A specific example of this problem are as follows:  
  
Most people pretend to eat fast food  
- There is no pretending here because the information is based on factual collated information from a reputable source. Declare the facts as presented in the graph. Make no assumptions because that is when you make mistakes in your presentation of information.  
  
Camp are to the highest and lowest,  
- What is camp referring to?  
  
Differ form other trends  
- You mean, "different from other trends" or "Differing from other trends".  
- This shows where your problem with lexical resources will cause you to fail this exam.
## Cyber Security - how to stay secure?

  
  
Five hundred million dollars is scammed money every each year and climb up sharply over 2000% between 2015 and 2017, according to FBI investigate website. Scammed emails, links or websites are organized and cooperated organizations instead of a geek guy who we can imagine. We used to buy anti-virus programs before but almost are free now. There are three basic things we should do for not getting malware or hooked by scammers.  
  
First, Change passwords for every site. If Attacker or hacker cracks a one of using password, they are guessing around all websites with the one username and password. It might be a disaster if you have same username and password on each site. Second, don't click bad links or weird email if you are not sure. Most phishing scam starts on bad click on scammed links or emails. There are 250,000 malware and 30,000 infected web links created every day. Scammers want to steal identities, credit card information or anything else they want. Third, update patch your operating system. Updating security patches at the right time will greatly reduce security breaches of various kind of attacks. Unpatched systems are one of the easiest victims for attackers to gain access to corporate networks. If a system is not applied the newest patch, cybercriminals will open your cyber door.  
  
We still think cyber attackers not that much harmful nor effect on real life. Cybercrime refers to commit fraud, illegally traffic intellectual property, steal identities or violate privacy. Changing passwords every site, not clicking on bad links or emails and update patches will bring you peaceful cyber life and real life.
Jong, your first paragraph makes absolutely no sense because of the lack of proper connecting words, transitional words, and a working thesis statement. You need to review the grammar in that paragraph and decide what it is that you want to say. Consulting with an English native speaker will help you achieve a clarity in your statement that you have a difficult time achieving as an ESL.  
  
Your second paragraph is confusing to read because you do not really explain the suggestions you are making in a concise manner. Try to divide the 3 suggestions into 3 separate paragraph topics instead. It is important that you clearly explain the root or basis for the suggestion based on how it is used, how effectively phishers and hackers use the system, and the correct methods to avoid each trap. Right now, you are only delivering information about the hack, but not really informing the reader about how to avoid it in a clear manner. Expand your explanations for each suggested solution on a per paragraph basis.
## human responsibilities towards nature

  
  
Its completely true we as a human being are fully responsible for the disaster of our world and it is inclining day by day. Keeping ourself on the top of the organogram we have had no care for the bottom lines like plants and animals. Few individual believe that this impact will not changed while others having hope that with some steps improvement in the scenerio is possible. In my opinion, we still have a chance to improve our earth and make it comfortable for every creature of this world.  
  
We are considered now the most selfish creature of this world, as the technology is building we only cared for the modernization and our development. Global warming is one of the big example of the effect on environment. Eniveronmentalist are scared and warried about the future of this world the way it is going. Although some steps can be taken to improve the quality of life on earth for plants and animals as well, for an instance, building new trees and improving wild life in national parks, banned on cutting of trees and killing of animals.  
  
Human activities like industrial emission, building of new cities on forest areas, imbalancing the ecosystem has made this scenerio worst and now its most difficult to improve, although change is possible but with very slow rate.  
  
In conclusion, Some strict rules and regulations are required and to obey them to improve the quality of life for every creature of this earth. We still have a chance to minimize the negative impact of human activities on plants and animals.
Bhat, you treated this compare and contrast essay, with a personal opinion statement as a direct question essay. This turned the essay into a personal opinion declaration only. So you can expect to only get a partial score on this essay. The prompt requirement clearly states "Discuss both points of view and give your opinion". Therefore, this is a 5 paragraph essay composed of:  
  
1. Prompt restatement with thesis presentation at the end;  
2. First point of view with only 1 topic presented with justification / example;  
3. 2nd point of view also with 1 topic and justification  
4. Personal opinion with justification  
5. Summary statement.  
  
Your thesis statement was a direct response to the question being asked. It would have been a proper response for a direct question essay but not for a discussion essay. The proper thesis statement for this is similar to:  
  
*The human undertakings have been showing detrimental results upon the flora and fauna kingdom. While there is a belief that these effects can be altered, some believe that it is unchangeable. In this presentation, both points of view will be presented along with my personal opinion which will support the public belief that I believe to be true.*  
  
Consider that there are 2 points of view to be discussed before your personal opinion and you will see how your presentation is in error. You use the term "we" which connotes a personal opinion based on a public perception. In this essay, discussing the 2 points of view should be done in the 3rd person perspective with only your personal opinion being presented from the first person POV.  
  
These are no doubt unknown errors in your part which need to be corrected in your next essay. Remember that the essay must always refer to the instructions required. Use ownership statements that make it clear to the reader that you are presenting a public point of view and not a personal one. Read the examples here in order to learn how to properly refer to the various points of view in the paragraphs. It isn't hard. My suggestion is to say phrases like:  
  
"Some groups say"  
  
"Others believe that"  
  
"Referring to the point of view of"  
  
These are just some of the terms you can use to refer to the 3rd person reference.  
  
You really developed a good essay. The problem is just the presentation. The presentation will pull down your TA score because of the lack of 2 point of view presentation. Always remember to double check your statement against the original instructions. Make sure that keyword references are included that make the point of view discussion clear to the examiner is included. Don't forget to use transitional sentences at the end of each paragraph to connect each essay for the improvement of your C&C and GRA scores as well.
## Employability competencies

  
  
**Accountability**  
To the extent to which an individual works independently and take initiative to work beyond the minimum requirement.  
  
**Customer Focus**  
The capacity to understand customer's need and recognize the benefit of our products which could bring to our clients.  
  
**Efficiency**  
To the extent to which a deliverable is submitted in a timing manner: within the given deadline or without any delay. Providing flexibility by adjusting schedule in accordance with priorities. Any necessary communication/ action should be taken to avoid any delay of submission.  
  
**Quality**  
The completeness of a deliverable which provides all required information accurately with full coverage. The required information should be presented in a clear and structured format without any uncertainly. The deliverable should include all stated criterion without any missing information.  
  
**Innovation**  
The ability to explore alternative solution with curiosity and suggest practical recommendation which is applicable to related projects. The recommendation will have a positive impact to the business by increasing project's efficiency in time reduction and improving deliverable's quality with value-added elements.  
  
**Partnership**  
The ability to work in a team by offering full cooperation to complete task in a positive attitude.
I am not really sure what it is that you want help with in regards to this presentation. If it is only simple grammar checking and correction, MS Word and online free grammar checking tools can help you do that. If it is about the content of the document, I can tell you that the statements you made are too short to be considered an informative sentence. Each objective presented needs to be supported by a definition and example presentation in order to help the reader better understand the meaning of your words.  
  
These sentences all seem to start in the middle of the presentation rather than the start. Which is what to me, makes this presentation difficult to read, understand, and keep track of. There are no transition sentences towards the end of the presentations that could better prepare the reader for the next objective presentation. For example:  
  
*A is important because of... This culminates in a better response to B.*  
  
Then the next skill explanation could say:  
  
*B responds better to A because B ...*  
  
By clearly defining the present discussion in preparation for the next presentation, the definition and examples gain clarity and allow the reader to expect the next set of information.
## our neighbor today: a Stranger, an Acquaintance or a Friend?

  
  
Today the composition of modern community is far more different than it is in the past, the lifestyles and pace of society also impact intimated relationship among neighbor in the past. Is it possible and valuable that this close bond in society be recovered today?  
  
In previous period of time, neighbors formed their community based on the same religion, race or related blood origin. Those foundation tie one another together tightly and closely. As advanced technology and the Internet develop, people get easily to move into one region from different backgrounds and hometowns without common grounds. The difference among one another arises distance and unfamiliarity in the community. Furthermore, most people are busy in handling their daily chores in today's hustling and busy society, the working hours are far longer than previous and make their leisure time shortened and precious. It is common for exhausted people to spend their personal time through scrolling and watching on their technological gadgets. Those factors isolate people 's relationship with their neighbors, which results in more isolation and misunderstanding among one another.  
  
However, if the association of community manage its role in promoting interactions among neighbors, the benefits of intimated social networks in modern society can prevent today's society from conflicts and isolation. The association of community can hold some activities around its living areas to create more chances of connection among one another. Take celebration in some specific holidays for instance, holding a night party of performing and gift exchanging in a traditional festival within neighborhood can draw people's interest to join and be familiar with one another. When people start to know their neighbors much more and meet together more frequently, the misconceptions and related conflicts are possible to be eliminated which are the key to inclusive and peaceful society in our nation.  
  
In conclusion, I think that the close and friendly connection in community decides one's mental health in life and establish the safer networks in our future society. Therefore, we should pay more concern about retrieve the intimated relationship among neighbors occurring in the past.