dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## The traditional vs popular tunes

  
  
**There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?  
  
Use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.**  
  
It is clear that music has become an important part of our lives. There are a number of reasons that has resulted in its wide acceptance. This essay will explore some of those reasons and explain why I believe traditional music is essential, regardless of the wide acceptance of international music.  
  
Out of all the important reasons to play music, most popular ones are relaxation and stress therapy. Research has show that listening to guitar and harmonic music for more than two-minutes helps body in releasing stress-buster hormones, which provide instant calmness, and release of tension in muscles. which is why most of the mental therapies includes a soulful music playing in the background. Furthermore, music has also proved to be a catalyst for concentration. A large number of successful people claim to have listening a slow harmonic melody to boost their focus after a long tiring day.  
  
With the recent growth in adoption of international music, a number of questions have been rose against the importance of traditional music. However, traditional music has always played an impeccable role in expressing cultural values and language. For instance, in every foreign's ambassador visit to India, they are always welcomed with spiritual music of Mohommad Rafi and many others famous royal singers. Not only this, whenever a nations achieves any success on any international stage, they are presented award with the native music in background. In contrast, international music is only famous among youngsters with a bleak reach to older generation. These values of traditional music will always set it a step higher than western music.  
  
In brief, wide adoption of music is contributed to a number of benefits, such as mental health and focus booster. Despite prevalent adoption of international music in teenagers, traditional music, because of its values, will always be considered one-step above it.
Your prompt paraphrase needs to outline your discussion points for the 2 reasoning paragraphs. This will help the examiner assess if you have a clear opinion in relation to the given discussion questions or not. It is imperative that you give the topics you will be discussing because you are being scored on the clarity of your opinion, based on your discussion outline. Do not give general reference responses as it does not help to assess your English comprehension skills in this test.  
  
Since the essay topics require information from your personal knowledge, experience, interest, and publicly known information, it would be better if you avoid making references to "research shows" and instead mention "publicly known information indicates..." That way you meet the discussion requirement without making reference to "research".  
  
There is no reference to the rise of the importance of traditional music in the original prompt. So this is not an accurate representation of that discussion portion. Rather, you should be indicating that there have been comparisons between the importance of international and traditional music. That way you could have done a clear comparison discussion between the two in the same paragraph. Your current discussion of the comparison appears to be under developed as you spent more time discussing traditional than international music. Try to deliver a balanced discussion next time.
## Summarize the information from the graph

  
  
Hi, I'm a beginner. Please give me some feedback. Thank you very much!!!  
  
**The graph below shows predictions about the number of people who will study three major world languages between 2020 and 2030.  
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
The graph illustrates anticipations about the number of students who will study three major languages in the world, over a decade between 2020 and 2030. The figures are given in millions.  
  
Overall, what stands out from the graph is that there will be steady upward trends in the number of students who study English, Spanish, and Mandarin. Another interesting point is that Mandarin will have been the second most popular language for students by 2028 instead of Spanish.  
  
In detail, as regards English, the number of students is likely to reach 550 million in 2020, then rising sharply to 700 million in 2024. Despite being estimated to experience a slight drop to 630 million in 2026, the figure will go up steadily to 750 million in 2030, being the peak level during the whole period.  
  
If we look at the number of students of Spanish, it is set to hit about 200 million in 2020. After that, there will be a remarkable rise to 500 million at the end of the period. The trend is predicted to be similar to Mandarin. The figure will reach around 100 million in 2020, which was the lowest number of three languages. Next, the number of students studying Mandarin will shoot up year-on-year, finishing at just under 600 million by 2030.  
  
*
You need to ensure that you do not write more than 190 words for the task 1 essay. You have written 217 words, which is within the Task 2 time writing range already. You should not take more than 20 minutes to write this essay because of the 150-190 word limit. You do not need to over write in this essay. It is just a direct report based on the visual information from the image. That does not take more than 190 words. Leave time for editing and polishing the content of the report. That is what you should be focused on.  
  
What are the 3 major languages indicated in the graph? Indicate that as a part of the summary overview. Additionally, you need to be extremely accurate in your image description. This is a line graph. There are several types of graphs so you should be specific about which type of image you are describing to the reader. Each paragraph will be scored on the GRA indicators so do your best to write without run-on sentences. Use a mix of simple and complex sentences, avoiding run-ons. All your paragraphs need 3-5 description sentences. Use as many punctuation marks as you can, not just commas. Use semi-colons, parenthesis, percentage marks, and other punctuation marks as applicable to your report.  
  
In the last paragraph, when you say "similar to Mandarin". Use an identifying reference in the next sentence ( The figure for mandarin indicates that will reach...) for clarity purposes. As long as you have at least 2 sentences establishing the reference point for the other language, you can skip constantly repeating the same language reference throughout the rest of the paragraph.
## **News editors decide what to broadcast on television and what to print in newspapers.**

  
*What factors do you think influence these decisions? Do we become used to bad news? Would it be better if more good news was reported?  
  
Use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.*  
  
There is no doubt that news being broadcast subject to biased opinions. There are a number of factors that influence it and this essay will outline some of those factors and explain the outcome if the news reported was transparent.  
  
Out of all the factors that induce the news, the most important one's are greed and perception. it is a natural behavior of most humans to support a viewpoint just out of greed. This is the reason due to which several times media editors report positive arguments for a particular political party even though the reported facts lack validation. Additionally, every individual whether it is a news media editor or writer has their own perception to grasp the news and respond accordingly. For instance. one reported might write optimistically about dowry-system, while others might be against dowry-system. Not only this, it has become prevalent these days for certain news editors to support issues that are not worthy of attention, just because of their greed and perception.  
  
Nevertheless, it has become common among people to absorb the false news because of their dependency on media leaving them as an easy target to be influenced. For instance, recently a young boy faced huge backlash from all the nation after he was wrongly accused as a rapist by a news platform, which was later clarified by police as a news broadcasted without validation by fact-checkers. Conversely, if the valid news was shown, it would have helped in curtailing such crimes. Since numerous crimes and injustice goes unnoticed due proliferation of false information.  
  
To recapitulate, diversity in perception and individual's greed has resulted in biased news being absorbed and acted upon by common citizens, I believe there would be a significant plummet in crimes if the valid and unbiased news gets written.
Please take note of the number of questions being asked in the original prompt. There are 3 questions:  
- What factors do you think influence these decisions?  
- Do we become used to bad news?  
- Would it be better if more good news was reported?  
  
The number of reasoning paragraphs are based on the number of direct questions that you have to respond to. So the questions provided changed the format of the essay from the standard 4 paragraph essay to the more complex 5 paragraph essay. Each of the questions need to have its own response paragraph so that you can provide a complete and fully developed response for each question.  
  
You should also remember to always outline your responses within the last 3 or 2 sentences of the prompt restatement. That way you give a direct response that helps show how accurate your response to the task will be. Make sure it has 3-5 sentences for maximum scoring potential. Avoid using run-on sentences or presenting a sentence separated only by a comma or several commas. You score better when you show individualized sentences of the complex or simple kind throughout the essay, specially in the paraphrase and concluding summary sections.  
  
Work on better developing the connection between your 2 topic sentences per paragraph. Show a direct relationship between the 2 subjects and use relevant examples and connected explanations. That will help add coherence and clarity to your paragraph. Right now, the paragraphs are not fully explained nor developed. The explanations are too short and lacking in a related example, one that reflects the reasons you present within the description of your example.
## problems in india

  
  
**Countries around the world will be facing significant challenges relating not only to the environment, but population and education as well.  
What problems will your country face in the next ten years?  
How can these problems be overcome?  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.**  
  
There is not doubt that the nations are facing new problems every year. This essay will outline some of issues that the country India might be facing in upcoming decade and propose some measures to mitigate them.  
  
Firstly, although India geographically enjoys a big landmass but with that it is also second highest populated country. This has resulted in number of critical problems that it will be facing in next decade, such as rise in environmental pollution, and limited availability of educational infrastructure. With regards to the former, it can be attributed to the rising transport on roads. therefore, more pollution generated every minute. As for limited educational infrastructure, the rising population will result in more children at home, which will lead to growth in students at educational institutions. Since the educational infrastructure is not growing at the same pace as the population, the time will come when getting admission to school will be highly competitive.  
  
However, a number of steps can be taken in order to mitigate aforementioned issues, not least among them is switching to electronic vehicles. This switch would certainly help in limiting pollution as damage done by electric vehicles on road to environment is almost fraction of conventional vehicles. Furthermore, it is important to implement birth-control so as to curtail the growth of population. Which will indirectly keep educational infrastructure from being overcrowded. Consequently, these mentioned issues would be contained.  
  
All things considered, Despite the enviromental. and over-exploitation of educational infrastructure problems that country India might face in upcoming decade, I believe implementing measure like motivating use of electric vehicles and educating birth control can help mitigate them to good extent.
For clarity in your discussion and a complete response to the prompt questions, you should present your discussion response topics in the later part of the paragraph. That is usually presented after the topic restatement. This helps to show the clarity of your understanding of the discussion requirements and the related responses that you will be highlighting in your discussion. Don't give a general non-statement response. It will not help to increase your TA score.  
  
Your first reasoning paragraph has a redundancy. It repeats the prompt statement for no reason. The first sentence of the reasoning paragraphs should always represent the discussion topic. Introduce the topic and proceed to an immediate discussion in the next sentence. There is no need to constantly repeat what the discussion topic is about. Since that is not related to the actual discussion, the examiner could decide to deduct that irrelevant word count from your total count, which could result in your essay falling under the word minimum, allowing for scoring percentage deductions to be performed on your overall score.  
  
Your solutions paragraph should follow the format of the previous paragraph. That means, you have to discuss it in the same order of presentation for C&C considerations. You have to present the population solution, then pollution, and so on. I have to point out though, that simply mentioning the topics, without an actual expanded explanation will result in your paragraphs being considered as under developed due to a lack of supporting explanations and examples. This will mean an overall low score for your essay.
## Lack of interpersonal skills. Causes and Solutions?

  
  
In recent decades, there has been a growing concern for lacking basic interactive skills in new graduated employees. Given that the trend has its potential for several negative impacts, identifying the reasons could definitely be the key to find solutions.  
  
There are a variety of reasons why interpersonal ability is not mastered by new employees. First, due to the knowledge-based education system in several nations, a huge amount of emphasis would be placed on delivering knowledge to students. Therefore, it would act as an incentive for excelling their major through theoretical subjects instead of those which require interpersonal skill, resulting in the shortage of that skill in numerous pupils after their universities graduates. Second, by putting high pressure and expectation about academic results measuring by personal performance, a number of students would tend to be shown the carrots of high wages and status to achieve top scores in their education process. According to a recent survey carried out by Vinh University, about 60% of interviewed students reported that achieving high grades in academic examination would be the most crucial factor leading to their employment in top-notch companies.  
  
Nevertheless, there are also a myriad of solutions in order to tackle with this issue. First, it is obvious that transforming the teaching approach could be an efficient way to provide teamwork-oriented skills to students. In particular, by focusing on developing employability skills, including interpersonal ability, as a priority, it could act as an incentive for students to acquire numerous teamwork skills through curriculums in their education process. Second, the interaction between universities and corporations should be improved, as pupils could be provided useful work experience placement before entering the workforce. For example, several companies have offered tuition for talented students in top-notch universities in Hanoi in order to ensure their accomplishments in examination, and therefore become employees in those corporations.  
  
In conclusion, the fact that theoretical education systems and high expectation on academic results could explain the pattern. By changing the teaching methods and strengthening the bond between universities and companies, the number of interpersonal ability-mastered employees could significantly increase.
There is a 290 word limit on the writing of this essay. I will grant that 250 is the minimum and there is no actual word limit indication for the exam, experienced examiners have noted that students, who wish to meet the full writing requirements for the task 2 essay do so when writing within 275-290 words. This is the count that allows you to not over discuss your presentation, stay within the 5 sentence requirement, and offer a clear explanation within your essay.  
  
Your presentations are too over written. The Task 2 essay needs you to present the discussions in a direct manner. That means, the first sentence of each reasoning paragraph needs to be a topic sentence. You do not need to use an introduction for every paragraph. You just need the topic sentence and a transition sentence as the 3rd presentation in the paragraph to connect your first and second reasons or solutions. Using numerical ordinals will not help your GRA score. The use of transition sentences are the most helpful when it comes to increasing your GRA score. That is because it shows that you have the ability to use connecting sentences in a manner that further heightens your writing skills in the eyes of the reader. The paragraphs do not need more than 5 sentences to accomplish that task within any given topic.
The following is my report, please give me some feedback, thank you very much!!!  
  
## These two maps illustrate some changes in the Stokeford village which took placed in 1930 and 2010.

  
  
It is clear that compare with the map in 1930, the village Stokeford village in 2010 had more houses. In addition, the layout of the road became more complex. The utilize of the land also had been modified. Also, there were some different on the size of primary school.  
  
In 2010, the shops were located in the north of the village were replaced by the fork road, and the other fork road was diagonally across from it. Both of them were surrounded by the houses. For the gardens and large house in the east of the village, the garden disappeared and the large house expanded to a retirement home. A new road linked the retirement home and new houses area to the main road.  
  
The farmland disappeared in 2010. The primary school only had one building initially, but it had three buildings in total when time went on 2010. Besides these changes, the post office in the centre and the bridge in the north were still remained.  
  
*   
*topic*
You launched into an immediate discussion of the comparison points of the image. You totally failed to comply with the summary overview and trending statement requirement of this essay. Your report is going to be considered incomplete in terms of information presentation as the run-down of important information in relation to the trend of the development is missing. That is the 1st paragraph of the Task 1 essay and, that paragraph also carries a very high scoring consideration, so you should not miss out on presenting that information for any reason. So your essay, though complete in information presentation, is lacking an all too important paragraph. You could have completed this essay in 3 paragraphs just the same, if you had only delivered the summary overview first and then combined the remainder of the information within 2 comparison paragraphs. I am not saying your presentation is wrong, what I am saying, is that there would have been a better way to deliver the information. A delivery that would have allowed you to get a better overall score for this presentation.
## practice and training versus talent

  
  
*It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sports or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.*  
  
It is a controversial argument that whether inborn talent of children can decide their performance in a particular field or their ability can be acquired from training. My essay will clarify the two opinions and state my point of view  
  
On the one hand, people with natural aptitudes are believed to perform in a specific field better than others. People who are born with talents such as drawing or writing can learn skills in these fields effectively with less effort. It is not difficult to see that many outstanding artists or scientists showed their talents since their childhood. And the inborn ability of a person is something that cannot be taught or learned in any school.  
  
On the other hand, people having no special talents can also make achievement. It is said that practice makes perfect, children can learn how to play sports or play musical instruments in their schools, and if they practice what they learn regularly, they can gain more experience than other children, which makes their performance more professional. However, if those with natural ability do not spend time practicing and training, their talents cannot develop fully.  
  
In my opinion, a performance of a person is a combination of talents and practice. Because without those without aptitudes can hardly be as excellent as those who own one, moreover, their practice cannot be as productive as others. However, I also believe that without special training, talented children cannot learn how to reach the highest level of their potential  
  
In conclusion, practice and training does make a great contribution to the perfomances of children. Nevertheless, if a child wants to be excel in a particular field, inborn talents are of greater significance.
Your prompt restatement should indicate each point of view as an individual sentence. That will help you show your range of grammar skills and also, help you meet the 3-5 sentence requirement. You created a run-on sentence in your first sentence as you only used commas in that presentation. The constant use of commas does not create a mix of simple and complex sentences. You need to use various sentence formats and punctuation marks to achieve that.  
  
Rather than saying "on the one hand" and "on the other hand", you should be stating the point of view from a public perspective instead. For GRA scoring purposes. The way you have your essay presented now, you are discussing only personal angles, with references to the public instead of representing the public point of view in the paragraph. You have to represent first then present your opinion.  
  
Avoid using conjunctions like "because" at the start of a sentence. It is not grouping or connecting words or phrases at the start of a sentence so that misuse of words will lower your GRA and LR score.