dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## the best way to access information

  
  
It is true that news is of great importance in life. While I agree that newspapers are good sources of news despite an increase in the number of online readers, I believe that it is far from the best way to access information as will now be discussed.  
  
The reason why traditional newspapers tend to maintain their important position is that they provide readers with high-quality information. Before a newspaper is published, all news must be under a careful review to make sure that there are no problems of information such as plagiarism, spelling mistakes and unreliable news. In contrast, for online news, misspelling and copying articles from other websites without permission gain in popularity. For example, if readers search for news of Vietnamese celebrities, there is a colossal amount of identical news from numerous online pages, but the opposite is not true for traditional newspapers.  
  
On the other hand, I believe that reading online newspapers is a better way to obtain information. In terms of information, online news has more advantages compared with traditional newspapers because it enables readers to access a huge storage of news easily. Only with a smartphone or a computer connected to the Internet can every person know the latest news in the world. For instance, if audiences want to receive up-to-date information about Coronavirus, all they need is a portable device connected to the Internet, then they can search any news they want. In addition, there is a significant improvement in interaction with readers. They can give their feedback or perspectives on an article by leaving comments, reacting or sending emails to the editorial office, which is certainly time-consuming when it comes to traditional newspapers.  
  
In conclusion, although offline news is a good source of information, it is not the most important one.
This is an extent response essay and yet you are not giving a measured response to the question. Why is that? Did you misunderstand the prompt? Did you think that your response was accurate? It was not accurate in this case because your response gave a personal opinion, without answering the question first. You never responded to the question in the paraphrase, nor in the conclusion. So your essay will fail because you did not properly respond to the question asked. Your format is incorrect since you decided to change the discussion requirements from?  
  
OP: To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
YP: I believe that it is far from the best way to access information as will now be discussed.  
  
So there is a clear prompt deviation in your response which tells the reviewer that you did not understand the question. You also did not discuss the essay as expected because of this lack of understanding on your part. The question is not whether you believe the internet is the best way to access information. The topic was about whether newspapers will remain the most important source of news.  
  
You changed too much of the required discussion points for this essay to even be considered for a passing score. The lack of English comprehension skills on your part will be the reason that you will fail the test in an actual setting.
## Opinions about innovative developments

  
  
***Topic: Some people say that modern innovations bring a lot of problems than benefits, do you agree or disagree ?***  
  
The controversial consequences of innovative developments are recently under the spotlight of society. While there are some strong arguments that they affect our life in different negative ways, I support the view that the benefits of technological advances far outweigh their drawbacks.  
  
It is undeniable that technology breakthroughs, such as the manufacturing machines of next generation that installed in warehouses across the world, cause an increasing unemployment rate among blue collar workers. However, I would argue they accelerate the transformation of society and in turn improve the quality of life in the long term. Take the same example, sophisticated machinery perform much better than human in areas where the accuracy is the priority. Careless mistakes in calculation can be avoid, and at the same time, they save us from labour-intensive exercises and let us concentrate on essential creative tasks.  
  
Alongside advanced computational capabilities, innovations in the field of communication open a new world of opportunities. Thanks to modern connecting software pioneers like Slack and Zoom, a great number of employees manage to work remotely yet together and companies keep operating during the lockdown period. Another obvious example is the popularity of online learning, some first-class universities are able to offer online courses through Coursera with the help of communication and real-time date transmission technology. They triumph geological boundaries and encourage handicapped group and even full-time staff continue self-development anytime, anywhere.  
  
In conclusion, innovative technology certainly has a problematic aspect, I still believe that it is beneficial rather than bewildering from the perspective of humanity and society.
Why are you presenting a negative reason in your first reasoning paragraph? Your essay was doing well until you did that. Remember, you should pick one side, stick to it, and discuss only that side within the 2 reasoning paragraphs. Don't alter the discussion. It might send you off track discussion-wise, which means the essay cohesiveness and coherence will suffer the consequences.  
  
The word "However" connotes a counter representation. Do not use that word if you are trying to create a supporting sentence. Learn how to use words properly in the English language. The wrong word used in the wrong context will fail your LR score if done often enough.  
  
When describing current actions, use present tense language. Hence; "... sophisticated machinery workS much better..." . Don't forget to use a comma after a conjunction like "together , and companies..." Also, beware of the way you use technical jargon. It is not "real time date", it is "real time DATA". Again, a grave LR error.  
  
You must improve your English vocabulary. Make sure you understand the meaning of words before you use it in the essay. Too many point deductions can occur when you do not use the words properly in a sentence.
Please rate and give comments on my essay. Thank you so much!  
  
## Are profit-oriented hospitals better?

  
  
**Topic: Health services are the basic necessity for a person. Private companies have made the health services quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages?**  
  
Essay:  
It is commonly believed that the extravagant price of health care has been attributed to the involvement of private enterprises, despite it being a fundamental need of every resident. The principle advantage of private health hospitals is that they offer better facilities than state-own institutions, while the main disadvantage is their high treatment cost making ordinary people impossible to access the healthcare services they need. This essay agrees that its demerit outweigh the merit.  
  
To begin with, providing high-grade equipment and labour force are the principle advantage of private medical care. This is because a private company makes enormous profits from the treatment fee of its patients, which is relatively higher than that in public hospitals. Consequently, a big proportion of this profit is invested back in equipping more advanced medical machines and facilities, as well as hiring and training top-notch specialists to serve its clients. For instance, in 2018, MedCare company allocated almost 55% of its profit to purchase MRI machines and building new treatment rooms for its patients.  
  
However, the main disadvantage of the private healthcare system is the high price itself. To be more specific, only the affluent have enough money to pay for the examination and operation which are conducted in private hospitals, while a person with low salaries may struggle to pay for medical bills. For example, a survey in 2019 indicates that an ordinary office worker would need up to one year to compensate for the money spent on one visit to a private hospital for general health examination. As a result, such poor people would not have equal access to the services in profit-making hospitals, despite receiving medical treatment is a basic necessity.  
  
In conclusion, although profit-oriented hospitals may offer equipments with higher quality than government-owned clinics, their high medical costs still outweigh this merit. If the private sector offers a supportive policy to lower the treatment fee, more people would have equal access to its state-of-the-art facilities which it provides.
You misunderstood the prompt requirement. This essay is not instructed to be written as an A/D essay. This essay asks an opinion question that you have to respond to:  
  
*Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages?* Pick one side to defend in the essay. Why should you pick only one side to discuss when the question asks "do the advantages... its advantages?" The answer to that question lies in the discussion instruction itself. Had the prompt asked you to accomplish the following: *"Discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give a personal opinion"*, then you should have definitely done the A/D format discussion. Since the question asked you to pick one side, then this is a single opinion essay, not a comparison essay. So your TA approach is all wrong for the essay and will definitely pull you back from achieving a 5 band score.  
  
Since you gave a direct response to the question, which shows you have a given opinion on the topic, the examiner will score your essay based only on the part that you wrote, which supports the stance you provided in the paraphrase. Therefore, your essay will fall under the minimum 250 word count and suffer points deductions for that. You have to learn to decipher what kind of essay you have to write in response to the given instruction or discussion recommendation. There are several ways of discussing this topic, but only one approach to the discussion question. That is the singular opinion approach.  
  
Based on the error in your approach, I will refrain from scoring this essay. It will not achieve a satisfactory band score. I would rather score your next essay, which I hope, will show a better understanding and approach to the given discussion topic.
## Climate change - shall we get use to it?

  
  
Some people think that instead of preventing climate change, we need to find a way to live with it. To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
  
In recent decades, global warming has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although the idea of coexisting with climate change appears attractive, the disadvantages will be far more significant.  
  
There are a number of reasons why people are inclined to live with climate change. First, since the impacts of global warming are noticeable, combating it is in vain. For instance, coastal areas, especially the Philippines and Japan, annually suffer from tsunamis, earthquakes because of geographical locations, thus people are not strong enough to resist nature. Second, by applying state - of - the - art technology, people can find it easy to predict natural disasters. For example, AI technology can forecast earthquakes faster, more accurate so that people can be better prepared to deal with them, saving millions of lives.  
  
Nevertheless, there are several compelling reasons why humans should fight against global warming in lieu of coexisting with it. First, if people are not responsible for what they cause, the result is big losses. In fact, climate change is largely shaped by human activities rather than nature itself, like fossil fuel depletion, exhaust fumes from vehicles and deforestation, which leaves carbon footprint into the air excessively and leads to greenhouse effects. Second, natural disasters such as typhoons, earthquakes and droughts will destroy biodiversity, including human life. Plenty of evidence suggests that climate change will push animals on the verge of extinction and endanger many species, leading to lacking foods for people and other animals.  
  
In conclusion, the disadvantages of coexisting with climate change are far more significant. By investing in producing eco - friendly alternatives and being highly conscious of environmental protection, people will make the Earth be the better place to live down the road.
This is not an essay that will achieve a passing score. You did not properly respond to the prompt. In fact, you totally changed the discussion instructions. You did not even come close to responding to the discussion question in the discussion paraphrase.  
  
*OP: To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
YR: the disadvantages will be far more significant.*  
  
There is nothing in the original prompt topic that could have been used to discuss an advantage or disadvantage. So where did that come from in your representation? Your obviously understood what the discussion topic was because you did the following:  
  
*OT: Some people think ... find a way to live with it  
YT: Although the idea of coexisting with climate change appears attractive...*  
  
Yet, your question response went off the road. It did not relate to the original discussion at all. Why was that? More importantly, why did you not double check the original question against your prompt paraphrase before you decided that this would be the final copy of the essay? These are the reasons why your response will be considered unrelated to the given discussion topic and achieve a low score in the end.
## mandatory arts subjects at Schools?

  
  
Artistic subjects and other lessons which do not require examinations are believed to be obligatory in secondary level of education, according to some educational specialists, since improved learning results can be seen . For personal opinion, I totally concur on this belief because of two reasons.  
  
First of all, the betterment of academic transcript of a student is linked to the intervention of non-scientific subjects through the. Relating to practical findings, students who are given exposure to music, art and drama are able to perform twice as well as the others in class. It can be explained that the neurons are stimulated to work more efficiently with the harmonious combination of science and arts in education. Therefore, these extra-curriculum will support the overall development of brains, leading to the outstanding in-class performance of students.  
  
The second reason is the equilibrium in the average scores of all subjects. In fact, if optional and non-exam lessons following as art, drama or drawing are made unimportant, the students have the tendency to ignore it and pay more attention to other required ones namely Mathematics, Physics and Chemistry and hence, higher points can only be recorded in these subjects rather than extra activities. For this reason, an equilibrium in study is essential for comprehensive improvement in all school subjects.  
  
In brief, my view is to make every subject in the curriculum be mandatory, especially ones relating to art. I hope that this viable method will be applied by the Minister of Education and better average scores can be seen in the transcript of each student.
I found this to be a very confusing essay to read. Most likely because the first reason does not make any sense and the second reason was just a practice in using big words that do not make sense in the overall essay presentation. Hence the lack of clarity and cohesion in both paragraph discussions. When the examiner cannot make sense of what you have written, you will find that your score will suffer in the end.  
  
You missed the opportunity to create an impression in this essay because you did not use topic sentences to start your paragraphs. You chose to use ordinals instead, which led to you forgetting what you were talking about. This can be clearly seen as a problem in the following presentation:  
  
*First of all, the betterment of academic transcript ... through the. Relating to practical findings...*  
  
Do you see what I mean? You forgot what you were talking about in the previous sentence. You left it unfinished. Since you did not bother to double check your work when you completed it, you neglected to see the problem sentence and correct it. These are the types of errors that force the failure of an essay.  
  
Next, you had an undue focus on the use of the word equilibrium. A word that did not make much sense in relation to the given discussion. It feels like you discovered a new English "big" word and could not wait to keep using it in a sentence. An examiner will realize that the use of the word is forced in the sentence and understand that you are not trying to write a clear essay, just a word impressive essay. That will work against your score in the end.  
  
Always remember to read the work you just finished. Try to catch the explanation errors and replace any words that you used which feel forced in usage. The essay is academic but requires a conversational tone. It has to have a natural feel to it when read.
## Changes in the birth rates 1920-2000

  
  
The chart illustrates the birth rates shifts between 2 developed countries namely China and the USA from 1920 to 2000.  
The overarching trend is that both nations experienced a gradual decrease over the course of 20 years, in which there was a less substantial change in weight occur in the USA.  
  
Taking a closer look at the graph, one can see that American birth percentage fluctuated around 12% in the first 20 years before hitting the low at less than 5% in 1945. Then there was a significant recovery, reaching to 15% in 1945, followed by a consistent decline to over 5% in 2000. In the case of China, its birth rate varied more dramatically than that of the USA over the same period. After dropping to 5% and remained stable from 1940 to 1945, it recovered and reached the highest points of 20% in 1950. Following that, the China's birth rate halved in 1955 and the downward pattern carried on to roughly 2% in the next 45 years.  
  
Your comments and feedbacks are highly appreciated. Thank you!  
  
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## Each fresh crisis we encounter is an opportunity in disguise

  
  
A 'fresh crisis' is probably a hardship or an obstacle that we have to overcome but this is what we think if we look at the negative point of view. From a positive perspective it could be said that instead of thinking of it as a hardship think of it as an opportunity. Of course when one is in the middle of a problem they might not be able to think this but there always is something good about it.  
  
To prove this my example will be the new crisis that came upon the world 'COVID-19'. Everyone is stressed upon the fact that they might die or lose their family and friends. Nobody goes outside anymore. Everyone stays home from fear and anxiety. People say things like ' what good can this virus bring' or ' how can we look at the positive side at such a time' and I might agree with them but I won't because I realized that there are opportunities even in this crisis.  
  
For example, the fact that the children didn't talk to their parents, uninterested in family affairs and were total freeloaders got the opportunity of becoming closer to their parents. Another example would be the decreasing of environmental pollution; animals came out of their homes, the sky and sea are much more clear and the ozone layer is healing. People would say that the ozone layer would never heal but now it is healing.  
  
It's hard to believe in this statement but the harder we think the faster we will realize that it is true.
What I immediately noticed with your essay is the creative title that you gave it. Never lose that gift. It is the title that will first catch the reader's eye and, if found to be interesting enough, will be the most useful hook that the essay can give the reader. Excellent word choice. It is simple, but effective. Try to kick up your English vocabulary a notch. Aim for intermediate word usage so you can grow you simplistic vocabulary to a step above.  
  
You have to learn when to use commas to help create a more readable sentence. A comma is often used:  
-After an introductory element (So, To prove this)  
- When writing a series of connected words as a successive list (Oxford comma)  
  
Properly placed in sentence usage, it can be effectively used to create effective pauses in a sentence:  
-*For example, the fact that the children didn't talk to their parents, uninterested in family affairs, and were total freeloaders, got the...*  
- .*..sea are much more clear , and the ozone layer ...*  
  
The above examples use an Oxford comma.  
  
Do not use a semi-colon in the part that indicates: ... environmental pollution; animals... That should use a colon instead.  
  
The following are questions, not things people said. These are things people asked and should use a question mark at the end of every sentence:  
  
- what good can this virus bring  
- how can we look at the positive side at such a time  
  
What and how connote questions. You cannot agree with questions. However, you can ask the same questions or, you can give responses to the hypothetical questions.  
  
When a person thinks, he will not have a "faster" truth. Rather, he will have a "realization" only. You can instead say, "... the more we will realize..." More connotes an addition of realization.
## changes in the birth rates of China and The USA

  
  
The line graph compares the proportions of fertility in China and The USA from 1920 to 2000.  
It's clear that this research period witnessed significant fluctuations in the birth rates of both China and The USA, with lows during the 1940s and highs during the 1950s.  
  
In the year 1920, the percentage of the birth in China was exactly 10%, while the figure for The USA was slightly higher, at over 10%. The period from the first year to 1935 experienced moderate increases in China and The USA, making up for around 15% and 13% respectively.  
  
There were noticeable oscillations over the following 15 years. The proportion in fertility in The USA hit the bottom in 1945, at about 5% before reaching a peak of 15% after 5 years later. Meanwhile, the birth rate in China also touched the lowest point, at about 5% in 1940 and remained stable for 5 years. Between the next year and 2000, the percentage of the birth declined in two countries, with a plummet for China and a gradual drop for The USA.  
  
*