dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Nura, the essay asks you to do 2 specific movements in order to create a valid discussion. Discuss both points of you and then give your own opinion on the matter. In this current essay, you have only one point of view discussed at the start, you immediately move to your personal opinion after that. This particular discussion required 3 body paragraphs before your concluding statement, which by the way, was not developed properly. The 3 missing body discussions are as follows:  
  
1. The opposing side  
2. The supporting side  
3. Your personal opinion  
  
In any English exam, you can never and should never, pass off your personal opinion as a closing statement. The closing statement needs to only recap the given information and discussion. It is never used to offer a new opinion / personal opinion as the closing statement. That is because the closing statement does not have enough space to properly discuss a new reason before you offer a closing sentence.  
  
Overall Score: 4
The format that you used is wrong. In order to accurately represent the task that you are given for the discussion, you have to take note of the steps that the prompt is asking you to do. The second half of the prompt requirement always indicates the format, order, and representation of the discussion. This is the outline format that you should follow. In this instance, your discussion should have followed the following requirement:  
  
1. Prompt paraphrasing  
2. Opinion 1  
3. Opinion 2  
4. Personal Opinion  
5. Conclusion  
  
Even though you may share the same opinion as the one in the essay. Your justification must be different and should help to support the opinion that you agree with. This is to show that you understand the prompt you were provided and that you are capable of creating a line of reasoning that does not duplicate the prompt requirement. The personal opinion is a separate discussion as a method testing your English comprehension and reasoning skills.
## Globalization

 (I do not know how to make this paragraph understandable)  
  
Globalization is the process of International integration arising from the interchange of world views,products,ideas,and other aspects of culture.The process of globalization goes back to the year 1492 with Christopher Columbus stumbled on the Americas in search of spices and continues to the present in which it is taking an economic and cultural approach.Globalization in some way affects us all for example have you ever wondered where your clothes come from?Most of the clothes you wear come from another country which United States or your country has economic relations as I said before globalization affects us all in some way economically or culturally and also brings benefits and disadvantages for the country affected for it.
Hi @javiernilo2  
To be honest, i get confuse when i firstly read your whole writing. Since it has a poor punctuation and you less disorganize every sentence you have made. Thus, i suggest you to reorganize your sentence especially in the last sentence.  
  
Most of the clothes (...) economic relations (fulstop) As I said before (comma) globalization affects us ...  
  
You also need to notice more your grammatical error.  
  
Hope it helps you...
Globalization can trace its roots back to 1942, when Christoper Columbus first discovered the Americas during his expedition to discover and learn about new spices. Taking the spices to the Old World from the New World, he unconsciously began developing the idea of international trade. Something that brought about a new era of economic and cultural growth. These days, globalization has become synonymous with an international integration of world views, products, ideas, and various cultural platforms. Everything we come into contact with these days, from the clothes we wear to our social media interactions, all have a globalized touch surrounding it. International touches that can either be beneficial and advantageous or non beneficial and non advantageous to the world cultures that are now struggling for relevance in a a multi faceted cultural world.
***Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with.  
What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys?***  
  
## Children surrounded by toys

  
  
Toys are very good medium for children to learn many things. Certainly, parents will strive to facilitate their children by providing playthings so that their children can know new things through toys. However, it is often that parents tend to spoil their children by giving too many, even those which are not necessary.  
  
Apparently, we can not ignore the positive role of playthings. Children could recognize, differentiate, and learn how to use things. Some other times, they are not only as an entertainment article for kids but also as psychological development tool. Additionally, nowadays toys has an education function also. It means that children get both fun and educational with playing the toys.  
  
On the other hand, we can not deny if there are parents who desire to give their children all the latest and greatest things so that the children have a large number of playthings. They do not want their children lagging behind others. This things is not well anticipated by the parents sometimes that may have negative impacts on children. This habit could develop an unpredictable consumptive attitudes of the children. Children are taught to be greedy since they were young.  
  
Moreover, another negative effect is when a child becomes addicted to the playthings. This bad habit will form their characters that are difficult to control themselves and wasting their time and they can not be separated anymore from their toys in the next stage. Eventually, the parents are not able to handle their children and creates new problems, such as the children do not socialize with their friends or children to ignore to finish their homeworks.  
  
In conclusion, everything has a positive side, including toys. However, it is important to keep in mind, parents have to discipline themselves not to spoil their child which give negatice impacts in the future that can be anticipated since early stage, by buying toys that are appropriate for children as the functions and needs.
HI Sehat, your essay can get a score of at least 5 in my opinion. You accurately discussed the prompt requirements and presented some pretty good supporting evidence for it. However, you did not properly represent the prompt instructions in the opening statement. That is what led to the lower score for you in the end. The task accuracy score suffered because of the improper paraphrasing of the prompt. The proper paraphrasing would have been something like this:  
  
*These days children have access to various kinds of toys. That is why parents have a tendency to keep buying toys for their children, which result in the children having too many toys to play with. While there are some parents who believe that having a lot of toys is an advantage for their children, other parents believe that giving the children too many toys has a disadvantage. This essay will discuss both points of view.*  
  
A properly developed opening statement indicates the topic for discussion, the method of discussion, and the order in which it will be discussed in the essay. Note that my example delivers on all these points. If you can write an opening statement following the given format, then your task accuracy score will be increased because your essay will be better presented and developed.
Sehat due to the fact that I am a native English speaker and my opening statement covers all of the important points of the prompt, my Task accuracy score will not be less than a 9. The same goes for the question of "What if I wrote the essay?". Based upon overall considerations my essay would not score less than a 9 as well.  
  
The Task Accuracy is the most important part of the writing task because that is the portion that solidly proves your ability to understand instructions in English and also, explain yourself in English. Failing the task accuracy portion will severely limit the highest possible score that you can get.  
  
In response to your question about where you can find essays that fall under the 7 band score, just run a search using the IELTS information that you seek. You will see a number of 7 band score essays online for you to read and learn from .
IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - PARCELS DELIVERED BY FedEx and TNT MAIL SERVICES  
  
## FedEx vs TNT MAIL SERVICES

  
  
The line chart compares the data of package delivery distributed by two delivery service companies between 1920 and 2000. Overall, it is noticeable that both lines experience an upward trend. However, although FedEx was the most popular mail service at first, it was replaced by TNT through the end of the survey.  
  
In the first year, the highest came to FedEx with 15.000 parcels while TNT only a quarter of it. Both companies then experienced a growth in the following twenty years, yet the gap between FedEx and TNT have widened. Conversely, the former plummeted tremendously to approximately 120.000 while the latter saw a slight surge to 80.000 in 1950. Such gap then narrowed down and both figures nearly reached the same level in 1960.  
  
Afterw which, FedEx proportion saw a significant rise over the next 20 years before dipping steadily over the last given period. In contrast, the number of TNT parcels decrease minimally then the figure rocketed dramatically and reached a peak by 24.000 after overtaking the first position from its competitor.  
  
*
Ainun, there are some points in your presentation that could have been improved. For example. you should have led your opening statement with the indication of the name of the two companies that you will be comparing. Placing the information at the end of the paragraph leads the reader to wonder what companies you are talking about when you have already given so much relevant information in the earlier part of the statement.  
  
Then, there were points in the graph where the income of the companies overlapped. There should have been a clear discussion or representation of that overlapping point, accompanied by the figures and year indication because that shows a time when the income of the companies were tied for the same spot. These overlaps happened twice and yet you did not clearly indicate it any of your paragraphs.  
  
Never say "In the first year" when an accurate reference to the year is mentioned in the illustration. In order to best inform your reader, all of your data must be factual, and that includes references to years and any other digits. You this throughout your essay by merely indicating "years" instead of comparative years.  
  
Based upon the given considerations and the mistakes in the information presentation, I think that you will not be able to score higher than a 4 in this test.
***Hi Ainun**, Actually you can get a score more for your writing, but you have needed a few improvements.  
Firstly, if you wanna get the high score, you can impress the examiner through describing the thesis statement. You endeavor to convert the data to the meaningful sentence. You can represent the data smoother. For example,  
  
Overall, it is important to note that TNT successfully surpassed a domination of Federal Express in a delivering sector.  
Turning to the body paragraph, you have failed to present the proper information. The first sentence in the first body paragraph stated that TNT stood at a quarter of FedEx although it clearly seemed a third. Please, be careful of deciding the data because it can influence your score for the indicator "task achievement". Following that, you need to know when you harness the past tense or past perfect. There was the sentence which should be displayed in the past perfect like this sentence.  
  
then experienced a growth in the following twenty years  
then have experienced a growth....(it's better if you use the past perfect because that was a change in the fixed period)  
Honestly, both of your body paragraphs were unbalanced. It indicated that you have found confusion for grouping the data. I suggest you strengthen your ability in grouping because it can enhance your score.  
  
To master this skill, you are supposed to read examples and practice more and more.  
Hopefully, those can help you Ainun.  
GOOD LUCK*
Hi @ainunazwaria  
  
Some suggestions come to me are firstly writing task one's overview that should be followed the year time, meaning that in your essay it has to be past tense.  
  
Overall, it is noticeable that both lines experience an upward trend  
You cannot say both trends had an upward trends because a dramatic decline seems happen in FedEX, it was likely a fluctuated trend. There was a spot, where those companies met. I highly suggest you to mention that figure. Because it was also a vital figure that can help you to group figures.  
  
hope it helps you...
**Alternative energy sources that use natural power of the wind, waves and sun are too expensive and complicated to replace the coal, oil, and gas that we use to power our cities and transport.  
  
*To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?***  
  
## wind/water/solar power instead of fossil fuels?

  
  
It is inevitable for finding alternative energy resources to replace fossil fuel usage such as wind power, wave power station, and solar power. However, some people argue that those are too costly and highly complex to afford. Privately, I agree to use non-fossil fuel even though those alternative powers are expensive, they are likely to change the needs of fuel from gas and oil to power our city and transport by eco-friendly electrical sources.  
  
The evidence of high pricey and complexity of establishing natural powers lead to be unaffordable for many countries. Because government should find and collect particular materials to construct them, the party also should manage to generate efficient electricity that requires a great deal of effort from expertise. According to TIMES (2014), Japan is a country that has implemented solar power. It has to spend five years to construct this energy source, and it has allocated a far amount of money to run such power. Some technicians also were called on contributing this purpose. Therefore, construction of natural powers highly requires profound contribution material, time, and human endeavor.  
  
Nevertheless, the way to diminish pollutions and drawbacks of vehicles' fumes is to apply natural power as far. Much research has conducted and some countries have run the alternative energy for city lighting and for driving cars. A 2015 The Economist magazine had published article said that one third of developing countries have applied natural resources as their electricity generator for lives. They have taken advantage of such sources and have recouped substantial amount of money by an Eco-friendly fuel. The emissions have declined threefold compared to the conventional energy usage. Hence, it drives many benefits to those countries, especially for environment condition.  
  
To sum up, although alternative energy may expense much budget of government, the result gains sometimes fulfill the expectations either for people or for surrounding. Hence, many years later it should carry out experiment to optimize natural power using in worldwide. (371 words)
Nur, I believe that this essay might be able to score a 5 in an actual setting. That is even though your essay is a bit confusing to understand at times and causes the reader some stress. A repeated reading of the material somewhat clarifies the message of your paragraph. The main drawback, or problem of your essay at the moment though, relates to the information that you are providing. You need to remove your reliance on researched information for your essay. Use only commonly known information or examples from your personal experience in order to create valid discussion points. You have to remember that you are not going to be allowed to do any research when you do the actual test. Therefore, writing a practice essay that even cites sources with dates of publication is something that you will not have the opportunity to do in the testing center. The computer systems will be locked to only the local network. So practice writing essays using only available information from your life experiences and current popular knowledge. If you do not practice it that way, you may not be prepared for the actual exam setting when the time comes.
***Hi Nur**, you have shown the good method for paraphrasing the statement. However, your last sentence in the introductory paragraph confused readers. I did not find your reason why you place that sentence. I think that seemed like the redundant sentence. Please, you pay attention to sentences which you deliver to describe what you mind.  
  
Turning to the body paragraph, you successfully answer the task response in the first body. However, you have fallen into a different topic in the next paragraph. You experienced the way to reduce the pollution in the first sentence. Actually, you had guided readers to understanding this well, but you elucidated the topic inappropriately. You have to focus on edges of the prompts given to obtain the high score. Severely, the whole second body exactly concentrated on the solution for diminishing the pollution.  
  
I am supposed to admit that your vocabulary is good. It indicates you can the high score in the indicator "the lexical resource". However, keep in your mind that the paramount thing is to deal with the task responses.  
  
Hopefully, you are able to aware of your topic so that you do not lose the score. Practice more and more Miss...  
^\_^*
**All education and health care should be funded by the government and free for everyone  
*To what extent do you agree and disagree with this opinion?***  
  
## citizens' lives is at stake

  
  
Some important aspects of citizens' lives should get attention from government such as education and health care. Some people claim that those things should be financed by authority and every one gets free access. I totally disagree about that notion since education and health center should be halved funding by the government and that is also free just for the poor.  
  
For a start, education and a sort of health care are authority's responsibility, but those should be halved in supporting of financial rather than fully funded. Because other aspects need to be financed to help societies lives. Take South Korea as an example of one country, which allocates its money to human development and renewable energy besides education and health care. As a results, South Korea successfully builds its country by balancing supporting finance and gets its desiring purpose such as equality of sharing fund and inhabitants take advantages of this.  
  
Moreover, education and health care should not be free for every one. People, which are funded by government, should be undergone by poor people only. A 2015 Munich studies reveal that one third financed by authority object to those who are in poverty so that they are able to school without thinking about the educational cost. Also, hospital is not the luxury thing for those who suffer from particular diseases. Because of this, the poor will be easy to access the two aspects mentioned above. In other side, the rich are still able to study at school and get medical treatment by their money. As a result, this will bring equality of life to all members of communities.  
  
To conclude, I stand at the idea that education and health center halved funding only by stakeholder to help the poor so that they also get a free access to those facilities. The counterpart should pay for those facilities because they have considerable money that does not need to be depended on the authority. To be predicted, this condition will bring notions to a better condition if money appropriately allocates to the necessity facilities and groups. (343 words)
Nur, while your language development and presentation leaves a lot to be desired, that does not detract from the line of reasoning that you are presenting to the reader. The stress of having to analyze your statements exists, but it does not create too severe a problem for the reader. Therefore, you were somewhat successful in delivering a well developed and discussed essay to the reader. The strengths of your essay lie in your clear understanding of the prompt requirements. Your TA scored highly due to the accuracy of your paraphrased opening statement. The GRA was also given better consideration because of the accurately placed examples that you have in your essay. Writing more than 250 words also benefited the essay because you were able to better explain yourself in the essay. It is my belief that the best score this essay could get in an actual setting could be a maximum of 6.
Hi, I just want you to dig deeper the reason why you agree that education and health center halved funding only by stakeholder to help the poor. If you can give the explanation that give strong reason you agree with it like real example, side effect if not, or regulation.  
  
*In other side, the rich are still able to study at school and get medical treatment by their money. As a result, this will bring equality of life to all members of communities.* It is strong enough i think.
***Hi Nur**, I really like reading your essay because you wrote this systematically. However, I have found there needed a few improvements for finalizing your essay.  
  
Firstly, you met a misconception in the first body paragraph. Turning to the second sentence, you said that the authority should locate the fund into other sectors. You cannot mention that because there was not a statement that the government only locate budget for both those aspects. Your view is unreasonable to argue the statement.  
  
Following that, you tended to review why the poor family is more suitable for obtaining the fund. Honestly, it's better if you elucidate why the rich family does not get the subsidy. That was only represented at the last two sentences in the second body.  
  
However, I admit that you have shown your ability in the vocabulary. You have been free of repetition and your flow is good. You only need to analyze more so that you can write effectively and efficiently. You have written much vocabulary, but there were a few sentences which did not relate to the topic.  
  
GOOD LUCK for the next writing*
## advantages of the modern life

  
  
Nowadays our lifestyle is different than past. Translation has improved, Medical sciences developed constantly, communication facilities has blast evolved. Our life is more various and better than it was 100 years ago.  
  
Now we can take an air plant to go every country to enjoy the local food, it is difficult to do in hundred years ago. Even the empire or king has not done that in their whole life. Everyone can life as a king now.  
  
By the Medical improved, Most of disease can be cured and treated. Our life can be have more hope and comfortable than before. For example: when I catch a cold and have a fever. There has a instance medicine can let me rapid recovery. If this situation is in the past 100 years ago, maybe I would die or become idiot.  
  
People can use communication facilities to easy connect a person who living in other part of world. The cost is cheaper than it was a hundred years ago.  
  
Now, I am enjoyed these convenient and used to this modern life, I can't image to go back in the past of 100 years ago.