dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
@october24 I think you forgot that there are English words that are pronounced the same, but are spelled differently and mean different things In your essay you used the word complement when it should have been compliment. The official explanation regarding the difference is as follows:  
  
*Complement and compliment, which are pronounced alike and originally shared some meanings, have become separate words with entirely different meanings. As a noun, complement means "something that completes or makes perfect": As a verb, complement means "to complete"; The verb compliment means "to pay a compliment to".*  
  
As you can see, the word sound can be a tricky thing to deal with. Just because it sounds the same, doesn't mean it was spelled the same. You need to be familiar with the difference regarding same sounding words.  
  
The main problem with your essay though, is that you did not properly paraphrase the discussion instructions, which led to a prompt deviation in your presentation. Let's illustrate the differences below:  
  
*Original prompt: Discuss both sides and give your opinion.  
Restatement: This essay will discuss why learning art is beneficial for children.*  
  
By changing the discussion instruction, you have essentially failed the test. You have proven that you do not understand the English language enough to follow simple instructions. However, your actual discussion does follow the original instructions to a certain extent. Therefore, you will lose points in the TA section for the inaccuracy of your restatement. This is the major scoring consideration for the essay so you may end up with a lower score than you would have if you had properly paraphrased the discussion instruction in the first paragraph.
## reasons of adults' study and how its cost should be shared

  
  
The bar chart and the pie chart give us information of the reasons why adults decide to study and how people think the costs of adult education should be shared.  
  
The bar chart shows that major reasons of adults' study are they want to learn a certain subject and gain qualifications which take 40 percent and 38 percent. Besides, study reasons as a tool for adults' job or to improve prospects of promotion or to simply enjoy learning also hold approximately 20 percent for each one. At last, reasons of having opportunity to change job and meeting people take only 12 percent and 9 percent.  
  
Next to the pie chart, the information is given that the main part of the costs of each course should be shared by individual, 40 percent. Taxpayer and employer should share with 25 percent and 35 percent in turn for this.  
  
Overall, the bar chart refers the main reason for adults' study is interest in subject and how the costs of each course should be shared by individual, taxpayer and employer by the pie chart.  
  
Thanks for reading, leave me a comment, please...  
  
*
Introduction: In my opinion, you need to do more paraphrase and write concisely;  
  
The bar chart ~~and the ... of~~ **lists** the reasons ... to ~~study~~ **pursue further education** ~~and how people think~~  **, while the pie chart illustrates adults' opinions on how to share the costs** of adult education  ~~should be shared~~.  
  
2nd paragraph: Adult education is actually a real word, so a paraphrase of it sounds odd to me. I fixed a couple places for this 2nd paragraph. I think your main problem is that you tend to write very complex sentences, which may lead to confusion. I know IELTS prefer complex sentences but be careful of overusing it. Your sentence which starts with Besides has problem with parallelism grammar. You used Noun and to-do verb together in a list. Also, for is used with N or V-ing only.  
  
The bar chart shows that ~~major~~ **the main** reasons of ~~adults' study~~ **adult education** are **that** they want ... qualifications**,** which take ... 38 percent**, respectively**. Besides, ~~study reasons as~~ **education is seen as** a tool for ~~adults' job~~ **improving work performance** ~~or to ... promotion~~, enhancing promotion prospects, or ~~to~~ simply ~~enjoy~~ for the love of learning**. These three reasons** ~~also~~  hold approximately 20 percent ~~for~~  each  ~~one~~. ... having **an** opportunity to change job and ~~meeting~~ **to meet** people ... 9 percent**, respectively**.  
  
I hope my feedback is helpful. If so, please improve the rest upon these feedback and I hope to help the remaining. Also, if you could help, please come to my thread and help my interview question out too. Thank you so much.
## changing jobs good for career?

  
  
Some people think it is better for people to change their career at least once in their life and do different kind of jobs. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?  
  
Nowadays, some believe that changing jobs at least one time to do something different is good for the people. I agree with this notion and believe that it will help us to improve our skills as well as help to develop a challenging attitude  
  
First of all shifting professions will help us to improve our qualities and skills. A person doing a designing job will always tend to be theoretical unless he gets some experience at the practical work. This not only will enrich his experience but also can make him a better designer. A new working environment can help us to get exposed to new techniques and practices available and can further enhance their productivity. For example, I came to know about the options available in Microsoft excel for data analysis from my new colleagues, which helped to save a considerable amount of time. If was continuing to work my old employer I would have never learned about it and probably doing the job in the same old fashioned way.  
  
Moreover shifting jobs can help us to become more challenging and adventurous. Any job will become monotonous and mundane after a long period of time. Life becomes dull and boring in such circumstances. At that time a new job, a new responsibility or a new job can help to regain the excitement and colors in Life. My fatter after retirement started a small business and I find him active and passionate than ever before. Knowing that "I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep" will help us stay positive and active  
  
In short, shifting job can result in enhancement of one's skills as well as even improve the quality of life. So if anyone gets an opportunity for changing jobs he should consider it seriously
You can rephrase the general statement like this: Switching jobs once and opting different work is advantageous as per some of the population.I agree with this notion and believe it helps in improvement of skills and develop a challenging attitude.  
  
para 1: You have used the example in the second sentence. According to me you should use more general statement. Like: " People in a particular job tend to use a limited resource which is available there within, they need to explore more so that they can excel in their field."  
  
A new working .... This sentence can be written as ""A new working environment can help us in getting to learn new techniques and practices which are available, which can further enhance our productivity.""  
  
Their are grammatical mistakes in your sentences. You need to work on these.  
  
For example, I came ...  
For example, When i came to know about the option available in Microsoft Excel which i was unaware from my colleagues, i saved a considerable amount of time. Had i been working for the old employer i would have never learned about it and would still be working the old fashioned way.  
  
In second paragraph you should give one example also to support your reason.  
  
I am not a professional but here is my feedback. Hope it helps you achieve the target score. All the best and Thanks
Consider using more descriptive adjectives in your essay instead of simple words such as "a long period of time". That phrase is only a simple phrase composition which will not help to increase your LR and GRA score. You should be using more academic sounding and formal expressions to describe things. Phrases like "an extended period of time" would work towards increasing the LR and GRA potential of your presentation.  
  
Always double check your sentence presentations for any punctuation errors that might affect your GRA score. Remember that the word "so" when used at the start of a sentence, is considered an introductory element and must have a comma after the word. Also, words like "old fashioned" requires a hyphen to connect the two words of different meaning to create a new, united meaning for the seemingly unrelated words. Therefore, present it as "old-fashioned".  
  
There are other grammatical errors in the essay that could have easily been spotted and corrected had you taken the time to review the essay first. Don't always assume that the version you finish writing is the final form. That is just a draft. Always review and revise the essay to help boost your scoring chances in all fronts. Only after checking the essay twice can you consider it to be in final submission form.
## "flat world"

  
  
Topic: Some people say that the Internet is bringing people together by making the world smaller.  
Do you agree that the Internet is making it easier for people to communicate with one another?  
  
It is becoming increasingly common to hear people talk about the term "flat world" which means that the world today is easier for everyone to reach each other. I completely agree with the opinion that thanks to the internet, the world is getting smaller by connecting people.  
  
On an individual level, I believe that the internet has significantly contributed to the way people improve their social relationship. To take social media as an example, people nowadays are really familiar with some platforms such as Facebook, Instagram, Zalo and Twitter where anyone could share their own news and views and discuss them with other people. On top of these, Youtube would be the most effective one from which an individual could create a helpful source of information about a specific filed while everyone could contribute their ideas in the comment box. Therefore, a person could meet with her ideal models or someone in the same interests and might have a chance to connect with them through those social media channels.  
  
From a business perspective, the internet also has a vital role to play in term of building a relationship with customers. Many careers use the internet to reach their clients by providing their products or services and give a consultation promptly through their website. By doing this, except for the benefit of keeping in touch with potential customers, the quality of companies' service would be improved and satisfy the demand of their clients.  
  
In conclusion, it can be seen that the invention of the internet has made an outstanding breakthrough which gives people more chance to get close together.
It is better to not get too creative with your terms used in the essay. While you will be impressing the examiner with the term "flat world", you will also be creating a prompt deviation as you have to explain what the word means to the reader. Just stick to the basic paraphrasing of the original topic along the lines of:  
  
*The world is constantly drawing people into a smaller social circle through technology. It is said that this trend helps people better talk to one another. I agree that technology, such as the internet does help to make contacting one another much simpler.*  
  
It is more important to use your own words in restating the prompt topic and reason for discussion than it is to introduce a topic, such as "flat world" that could end up taking over the whole essay by changing the restatement. Stick to using English words that will impress by sticking to the original requirements of the task. Don't try to over explain things. Just keep it simple. You only have 40 minutes for this task.  
  
While you wrote just the right number of words for the test, your essay tends to be composed of run-on sentences in the second paragraph. Try to keep the sentences short, using transition phrases whenever possible. You don't need to offer too many examples of social media services The most popular reference would have sufficed. You are not being tested on your knowledge of the topic, just your ability to discuss the topic in English. Don't overdo the information to the point of wanting to become an authority on the issue. Your objective is to explain the essay topic to someone who is a native English speaker, in your own way, using your own words.  
  
Your essay is really informative and you show an admirable ability to use the English language. Based on this writing, I have no doubt that you will pass the test. You just have to bring your writing skills down a notch to fit the test requirements.
**In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.  
  
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this.**  
  
## work, travel and the choice of education

  
  
As a teenager one must have a clear understanding of one's career goal. One might ask, "What is the right age to decide this"? Well, the best time is the time after passing your high school and before deciding on what stream to choose in university. Although a lot of kids decide their path by getting influenced by their older siblings, a few countries believes that the best way to decide is by gaining your own experience by picking up some job or by travelling. This essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this approach.  
  
Firstly, a workplace teaches you how to take responsibilities and complete your task with utmost commitment. Later in life when a student will pick up a subject in the university, he will try to complete it with persistence. Secondly, they will also be able to save some money to finance their university fees. We have also observed that most of the high school kids behave with immaturity and irresponsibility. This may be due to their dependence on their parents for all their daily chores. This is the reason why they need to travel for a while and live on their own. When they will have to manage their day-to-day activities on their own in a foreign land, they will learn to be more self-reliant and decisive. Therefore, in is very important to encourage them to work or travel.  
  
Although income will help them in some ways, but what job will a high school qualified get in the market? Not better than a waiter in a restaurant or a security guard. A constant source of income, even if it is a low, brings with it a reluctance to stop it. The person will start losing focus and will not even try to return to his studies. At the same time when we look at the burgeoning cost of education in most of the countries, it will be criminal to burden parents, already grappling to fulfil the daily needs, with additional cost of travel. So, it is better that a student completes his university studies as soon as possible and get a better job with a better qualification.  
  
After looking at both the sides of the grass, I think that work and travel does give perspective to your choice of education. But, at the same time one also need to take into account the financial situation of one's family to decide over that.
Sunil, you have to practice timed writing of these essays. There is absolutely no way you can write over 400 words for a Task 2 essay. That is impossible, You are only supposed to write 25 lines of text, the equivalent of 250 words for this test. A little more than that maxes out at 300. 275 being the ideal essay word length. All of these word safeguards are in place to give you a chance to improve upon the essay content within the allotted time. You over wrote in this essay.  
  
You also failed to use an academic tone / formal presentation for this essay. You are not allowed to use a casual writing tone as you did here when addressing the Task 2 prompts. You are being scored on your ability to use academic English, not casual conversation English. So terms such as "reason why" should only be "reason". You must also use the proper descriptive adverb when using terms such as "very important". Either use a descriptive adverb or remove the adverb.  
  
Your prompt paraphrase is incorrect. You are offering an opinion in the paraphrase which is not allowed. The proper paraphrase for this essay, using an academic tone is:  
  
*There is a global growth in high school graduates who are enticed to seek a year of employment or travel prior to entering college. While there is an advantage to these practices, there are also disadvantages to this trend. Students have to decide which of the two options is right for them.*  
  
After properly introducing the discussion topic and instructions in your own words, you can then proceed with the formal discussion within the next 2 reasoning paragraphs. You may use up to 3 paragraphs for the reasoning aspect. Do not place questions within your essay discussion because that alters the task response and could to a prompt deviation on your part. In this essay, you did exactly that and that changed the discussion focus for that paragraph. It was no longer aligned with the discussion topic provided.  
  
Familiarize yourself with American idioms before you use it. You are confusing the reader. The correct reference is " After looking at both sides of the story". By the way, you can't use a personal opinion to close the essay. You can only present a concluding summary that reiterates the topic, the discussion points you presented, and a final statement on the matter. Your essay has a hanging conclusion because it does not have a real concluding statement at the end of it.
## Why we need music?

  
  
*Topic: There are many different types music in the world today. Why we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?*  
  
Nowadays, when the human world is developing, the demand of enjoying our life increases significantly. Music is seemed to be a necessary for relaxing and has various kinds to choose. Traditional music or International music is equally important.  
  
At first, music can bring so many advantages for human's life. It depends on what kind of music we choose, which makes us have a sense of freshness, satisfaction or excitation. For instance, sleepiness always stays with you even though you had an 8-hour sleep at last night. In case, if you hear a heavy-metal song, you will wake up and feel full of energy to start a new day. So, let's imagine that how do you feel after a long day with work? It must be tired and uncomfortable and a melodic song can help you... therefore, music becomes a part of our life.  
  
In each country, we have own traditional music which is precious and preserved as our own culture but it doesn't mean that this kind of music is more important than the International music. The first reason is about choices of each individual. In some countries, when we are young, we often listen pop and EDM songs instead of traditional things as jazz, classical music in the old age. Besides, the international music is developing variously day by day to meet up the using demand of human. It can satisfy any choosy person with different unique melodies, which traditional music doesn't have because of old and boring melodies.  
  
In conclusion, it'll be a pity if our life has a lack of music. The traditional music takes an important position, so does the international music.  
  
thanks for reading!!! give me some comments, please...
Hi, I think you have addressed the prompt correctly, but much of your writing sounded somewhat awkward or unnatural. Also, strive for a more academic tone. For instance, avoid the use of the second person "you" in IELTS essays. Here are some other suggestions:  
  
... different types [of] music ... Why [do] we need music? ...  
  
Nowadays,[as] the human world {"human world" sounds very odd - what would be the human world? Are you contrasting this with the natural world?} is developing, the demand [to enjoy] life [has been increasing] significantly. Music [seems] to be ~~a~~ necessary for relaxing {This is a reason. Try not to give reasons in your introduciton, wait until you body paragraphs. In the introduction you should just be restating the prompt and offering general answers to the question the prompt is asking} and [there are] various kinds to choose [from]. Traditional music [and] International music [are] equally important.  
  
At first, {this is not a correct transition here - maybe "To begin, ..." - "at first" means how something began before it changed - "at first, all music was acoustic, but now there are electronic instruments"} music can ... advantages [to a] human's life. {"human" sounds odd unless you are talking about biology or comparing humans to animals. So here it sounds like you are saying "humans love music, but dogs and cats, not so much" :) }  
  
... a sense of freshness, {ESL students often use "fresh" to describe how someone feels, but it is usually odd sounding. Maybe you would feel "fresh" after taking a shower when you had been all sweaty, but that is about the only time it would sound natural} satisfaction or [excitement]. For instance, [sometimes you may feel drowsy] even though ... sleep [the previous] night. In [this] case,  
  
... and feel full of [the] energy [needed] to start a new day. So, let's imagine ~~that~~ how ~~do~~ you feel after a long day [of] work[.] [You] must be tired ... song can help you...{Avoid using ellipses in formal essays. A period would be better here} therefore, music ...  
  
{I think you need a transition to show that you are now addressing the second part of the prompt} In each country, we ... preserved as [part] our own culture but it doesn't {avoid contractions in formal essays} mean that ...  
  
... The first reason is about ... {this sounds vague to me - don't say what the reason "is about", say exactly what the reason is} ... we often listen [to] pop and EDM songs instead of traditional [genres] [like] jazz [or] classical music [as they did in previous times]. ... music is developing variously {"developing variously" sounds odd and unclear - maybe "is always introducing brand new songs"} day by day to meet [the rising demand of music aficionados]. ... have because of [its] old and ...  
  
In conclusion,[it would] be a pity if our life [had] a lack of music. ... important position,[but] so does ...