dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## The most critical quality in teamwork

  
  
choose a quality that you think is most important when doing a team project  
1.being cooperative  
2.good at finishing  
3.inventive  
  
It is common for people to make a team to finish projects. There are some debates about which quality is most critical in teamwork . From my perspective , being cooperative is the indispensible quality in the team .  
  
Being cooperative helps to work productively and smoothly . In a team , people tend to break difficult tasks into certain parts and everyone is assigned specific tasks that match their ability and personalities and is held accountable which can make sure no one fall through the cracks. This enables people to complete assignments on time and take advantage of it .In this case, cooperation allows people to work efficiency . Moreover, when someone meet roadblocks , team members could lend a helping hand as soon as possible. Everyone may have new insights in copying with problems . By collecting and selecting , people could find a most suitable and practical solution to figure out problems. By cooperation , people tend to make concerted efforts and achieve same goals .This will in turn to boost mutual growth .  
  
It is really important to finish work in limited time .However, it can not be the crucial points. Working on time can not ensure the good quality of assignments . In order to complete assignments ,even if coworkers will meet problems, they just put it aside and use the most fast pace to finish . Without cooperation , people tend to feel helpless and lonely when they individually doing their works. Admittedly , creative people tend to come up with new ideas and help companies to push more and unique products on the market . But that personality can be a problem .Because these people like to stay alone and are not likely to communicate with others. Sometimes, they may blend to the rules and regulations . It is hard to ask them to obey leader's requirements . Therefore , creative people may bring some unawareness results to the company .  
  
In sum , considering the requirements of teamwork , Being cooperative can be the most suitable traits to teamwork .
You should not muddle the essay response by representing the other qualifications in your presentation. It takes away from your actual discussion topic, which is cooperation. You should be working only on strengthening the impression that a team project will benefit the most from focusing on cooperation. You did that for the most part in the essay. You have a tendency to discuss prompt specific topics, which tend to pull attention away from your actual point. Avoid doing that. You need to convince the examiner that your reasoning is correct. You cannot do that when you insert other topics within the discussion.  
  
Some corrections:  
  
Spelling:  
indispensible - indispensable  
coworkers - co-workers  
  
Grammar Rules:  
Never start a sentence with "because". You should not have a full stop before that word as it is used as a bridging word between two sentence ideas.  
  
Can not is spelled as one word "cannot".  
Do not capitalize a word after a comma. Capitalize a word only after a period or if referring to a proper noun within a sentence.  
  
Do not use informal phrases such as "come up with". The academic equivalent is "produce".  
  
Word Reference:  
Most fast = fastest  
  
You have written enough words to aim for a higher scoring TOEFL result. I do not normally score essays on the first run but I believe your work is good enough to warrant a scoring assessment. My assessment of your work is that you have written an essay response that could earn a score of 4. You need to work on your vocabulary. copying means to create an imitation or reproduction. While coping (the word you wanted to use) indicates an ability to handle a situation (as in the case of teamwork). Sentence creation exercises are also in order for you. While your presentation makes sense, the structure could be better so that you can avoid any errors in structure, word form or use of idiomatic language.
Please help me review my essay. Thank you very much!  
  
*GOVERNMENT SHOULD SPEND MORE MONEY ON MEDICAL RESEARCH TO PROTECT CITIZENS' HEALTH RATHER THAN ON PROTECTING THE ENVIRONMENT.*  
## DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?

  
  
It is said that government funding for the care of habitants' health should give preference to medical research over the protection of environment. From my opinion, I disagree with this view and would argue that people's health would be completely protected if government allocates the equal amount of money to both medical research and the protection of environment.  
  
To begin with, there are a number of reasons why government should spend money on medical research. Firstly, these days, there is an increase in human illnesses are caused by the infection with new virus species that people do not have not a clue about them, of which consequences could be unpredictable and unprecedented. For example, the covid-19 pandemic caused by novel coronavirus took a heavy toll on not only millions of people's health all over the world but also the global economy. Therefore, investing public money in medical research for the discovery of timely vaccines and cures for this new coronavirus disease is urgent in order for the situation not to worsen infinitely. Secondly, many dangerous diseases such as cancers, or strokes cause high death toll but there still fails to have optimal methods or effective drugs for the treatment of these illnesses. As a result, it is necessary to conduct more medical research on these diseases to improve human well-being and increase life expectancy of people.  
  
On the other hand, maintaining environmental sustainability should also be set the same government budget as medical research. It is evident that the environmental pollution is considered as the major culprit which poses a serious threat to people's health since a vast number of diseases of people results from living in polluted surroundings. For example, air or water pollution could lead to long-term health problems such as cancers, cardiovascular, or respiratory illness. Consequently, financing public money to the protection of environment such as developing waste treatment technology or conducting environmental awareness campaigns contributes to reducing the negative impacts of environmental pollution on people's health.  
  
In conclusion, I think that both medical research and the protection of environment play an equally important role in protecting citizens' health, and government should spend the equal budget on both of them.
You have 40 minutes to write a perfect version of this essay. While you may be able to write 363 words during that period of time, the one thing that you failed to do, was perfect the content. You took the quality and clarity of your writing for granted in favor of writing more words. The extra long essay did not help your presentation.  
  
You are writing using word fillers. Word filler sentences and phrases do not really help move your essay forward, but would definitely add to your word count. The extra large word count doesn't matter when the paragraphs are not clear and do not make sense immediately to the reader. Be concise. Clarity scores well, wordy essays never score well due to the forced errors that students end up making.  
  
Word filler samples:  
  
*To begin with, there are a number of reasons why government should spend money on medical research. Firstly, these days...*  
- Unnecessary introduction. All Task 2 essays must start with a clear topic sentence. The examiner does not care for the word fillers. If the vocabulary does not relate to the actual discussion, the extra words do not matter. It just means that you are not familiar enough with the topic to be able to write about it using relevant discussion sentences.  
  
Your second paragraph is a discussion deviation. Remember, you were asked a direct question, to which you disagreed with the discussion. This is not a comparative discussion essay. You are writing a direct, single opinion essay. The two discussion paragraphs should only offer information that proves your dis/agreement with the given statement. There is no middle ground. You cannot use a "maybe" for a response. Specially when you clearly stated a disagreement with the point of view presented. The main problem that will give this essay a failing score is the way that you created your own discussion topic, showing that you did not understand the discussion instructions for the topic provided. The argument you present runs counter to the discussion instruction you were given. This essay will not get a passing TA score because of it. Now, add the grammar and clarity issues of your paragraph to the scoring consideration and you will find that this type of writing will not get a passing score.  
  
Never change the discussion requirements. You are scored on your ability to discuss the essay in the required format. That is why you cannot use a "maybe" or "50/50" response in the discussion. You must always represent a clear position, based on the prompt choices, and support only that position throughout the discussion.
## The best place for watching movies

  
  
Although watching films in the cinema can bring a better experience about the sounds and graphics, I prefer to watching films at home.  
First, one of the biggest reasons is time problems. The cinema always has a movie schedule and I have to manage my works to be suitable for the schedule. Opposite, being home is more convenient and being freedom of myself because I can watch at my leisure or whenever I like. Otherwise, I frequently have to spend almost of my time studying therefore I just have more spare time at night, but my house is too far to go to the theater or cine box.  
  
Second, there are numerous types of films which have difficult details to understand quickly, and I need to watch again. Watching films at home can show the easy way to pause or replay. It helps me unwind instead of being consumed with a lot of questions.  
  
Third, home makes me more comfortable than the cinema. I'm not worried about being annoyed and freely comment about the characters. It's firmly an optimal measure when I want to eat fruit or snack but not corn like in the cinema. It sometime makes me tired after long time sitting to follow a long story in the cinema.  
  
Finally, watching films at home allows me to save my money because I just sign in an account and pay a fee to watch all of the films instead waste the same money to watch a movie in the cinema.
I am not sure if this is a practice IELTS or TOEFL test. Perhaps you are just practicing your English writing skills. Whatever the purpose of the essay, I'll just give you a grammar review since you did not provide a discussion or writing instruction for your presentation.  
  
You have sentence structure issues in your presentation. Mostly incorrect word usage such as:  
  
I prefer to watching films at home = I prefer to BE watching films at home  
or  
I prefer to WATCH films at home  
  
- It all depends upon whether you want to express it as a current action activity or a future action activity.  
  
Conciseness problem:  
I have to manage my works = I must manage my work schedule  
  
In formal academic writing, words are always fully spelled out (I'm = I am, It's = It is).  
  
Vocabulary usage in terms of adjective use ( use clearer words to add to the clarity of your discussion)  
... the easy way to pause or replay = ... the straightforward way...
@lamkhanh  
Hi,  
*and I have to manage my worksto be suitable for the schedule* I think you can use the word 'fit' (i have to manage my time to fit the schedule), it's more concise and sounds more natural  
  
*Opposite, being home is more convenient and being freedom of myself because I can watch at my leisure or whenever I like.* This part isn't clear at all.  
  
I guess you meant "Staying at home/ Watching movie at home is more convenient" and it gives you the sense of freedom since you can watch it whenever you like?  
  
*Watching films at home can show the easy way to pause or replay. It helps me unwindinstead of being consumed with a lot of questions.* - the word unwind seems not relevant at all.  
  
Hope that this may help! ~
I am not sure what the connection of aviation safety is to the CPA profession. I would have rather read a reference to "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" in relation to how you speak to your clients. The aviation reference doesn't connect well with the main topic. I can understand what you mean by referencing the Korean plan crashes that were caused by the submissiveness of the co-pilot to the pilot, as dictated by their culture. However, that has nothing to do with finance so the relevance will be lost on the reader. Try to use a book that is more relatable to those in the same field. That way you add information to the article, in an entertaining and educational manner.  
  
Why not consider writing this as an insight into how you are struggling to overcome the "natural" language of your family so that you can kick-start your career. A career that demands a confident, assuring voice every time you speak to a client. Explain the cultural war going on inside of you, and why the non Hong Kong side of your personality has to win in the end. You just may find some other CPA's suffering from the same situation who will reach out to you after the publication of your article.  
  
Start the article with a more interesting hook. Tell a story, a story of your day at the office when, because of your uncertain word usage, the client decided to release you from your job with his firm instead. That would be a more interesting take on the topic instead of mere mentions of the words that you use in your daily work life. It will also better explain what you mean by your culture being a problem when it comes to your career advancement. Talk about what steps you have taken to overcome this problem. How has it affected your career? Perhaps the changes have also helped you develop a stronger personality within your family? There are a lot of ways this article can actually go. The question is, "What do you really want to say about yourself, your profession, and your culture with this article?". Write about that.
Hi @Holt, thanks for such a thorough review!! Agreed on most counts. I did give some serious thoughts about putting an example or two in my article to highlight my story, but then I realized doing this would trigger some liability issues. My former employer(s) would think I was the reason why they lost certain clients. They might pursue legal actions. Sounds crazy, but they've pulled that card before. My current employer has a very dominant PR department that screens through everything that has the company's name on it. If I mentioned a story in a publication, they might think this would taint their "positive working culture image". This is why I kept it vague in my article (not mentioning any specific event) in hopes of avoiding any technical issue. In light of this, how should I go around it? What do you suggest?
## average annual expenditures on cell phone and residential phone

  
  
The line graph indicates the average yearly money spent on mobile phones and stationary phone services in UK during a 10-year period from 2001-2010.  
  
Overally, the trend was reserved with a dramatic rise seen in cell phone services as opposed to a sharp decline found in residential phone services during the surveyed period.  
  
In 2001, Americans spent roughly $700 on stationary phone services whereas the amount of money for cell phone services was left far behind with merely $200. However, the first five years witnessed a dramatic rise in consumption of mobile phone services by approximately $300 compared to a decline of near $200 recorded in that for landline phone services. In 2006, the figure for cell phone services overtook that for residential phone services at nearly $500, even surpassing to gain the unbeatable position with over $750, which is 2 times as large as that for residential phone services at the end of the given period.  
  
*Please take time and kindly give me some feedback. Can you suggest for me some words which are the synonyms for cell phone and residential phone?*  
  
**Thank you so much for your time!**  
  
*
Vocabulary:  
Overally = Overall (possible typing error)  
  
Writing Clarity: Learn to identify when a simpler word will help you get a better LR score. Using a simple word that better suits the meaning of the sentence works better than an obviously forced "big" English word meant to impress the examiner. You will get a better consideration if the sentence and paragraph sounds more academically natural.  
  
- ... the first five years ~~witnessed~~ a dramatic rise... - five years **saw** a dramatic...  
  
Exaggerated Word Use:  
Unbeatable, dramatic, sharp, left far behind, - Simply state the data as provided in the graph. Do not make exaggerated assumptions or give opinions since you are not writing an opinion essay.  
  
The summary overview is not really a complete paragraph. While the trending statement can be a single stand alone sentence, the summary overview needs to provide the key information coming from the graph. Your summary should contain:  
  
- Image identification - provided  
- Measurement basis - provided  
- Type of measurement - not provided (measured in hundred dollar values)  
- Source of data - not provided  
- Years of survey- provided  
  
Your summary overview is also not in the proper format, Use individual sentences to represent the summary information as outlined above. That way you meet the minimum 3 sentence requirement per paragraph. Remember, if the information is included in the image, you have to include it in your report. Do not skip any key information that will prove the accuracy of your data.  
  
The essay is improperly formatted in the sense that you should have 3 complete paragraphs presented, you only have one long paragraph presented in the second part of the presentation. You should have divided that into:  
  
Par. 2 - cellphone information  
Par. 3 - Fixed landline information  
  
There was also a failure on your part to make a reference to the overlapping point for the cellphone and landline information. The overlapping information is for the crisscrossed amount of approximately $550 in 2006. Attention to the overlapping details can help boost the TA section of your score.  
  
Synonyms:  
  
Mobile phone - portable phone, pocket phone, cell phone, digital phone, cellular phone, cell telephone, android device  
Fixed Landline - corded telephone, static telephone, base phone, cordless phone
## Spendings on books in some European countries

  
  
Answer:  
  
The line graph compares the amount of money that people come from four separate countries paid for books in the period of 10 years from 1995 to 2005.  
  
As can be seen from the chart, the year 1999 witnessed a steady increase by 10 million dollars of Germany and Austria and 5 million dollars of the figure of France, with the exception of Italy. From 1999, while only Germany changed direction to downwards trend before hit the highest point of 91 million dollars in 2005, Italy saw a recovery back and reached the peak at the point of approximately 61 million dollars at the end of the period.  
  
The sequence of changes of France and Austria were by far positive. While France experienced a moderate going up until the end of the period, the figure of Austria remained at 40 million dollars for a year and then rocketed to 71 million dollars in 2005 before exceed Italy's in 2003.  
  
In summary, remarkable changes of the paying for books of German, French and Austrian were seen during the period with the acceleration of Austrian's. Otherwise, the figure of Italy was more stable increase then the others.  
  
(196 words- 22 minutes).  
  
Thanks a million!!
The main problem that students have often comes with the Task 1 summary presentation. You, just like the others did not completely outline the information that was presented. You should have included a listing of the countries, the measurement type, measurement source (where indicated), and the trending statement. You presented a run-on sentence that doesn't really indicate all the required information. Instead, it offers only part of the information, without really offering an insight into the need to know these information beforehand. The summary is to be considered the outline of the upcoming information presentation. It tells the reader the most important info beforehand, so that you can create a comparative report in the next 2 paragraphs.  
  
A chart is different from a line graph. Familiarize yourself with the various charts and graphs used in the task 2 essay. You have to be accurate in your descriptive information because the assumption is that the reader will not have a copy of the information and image you are describing. In reality, the examiner will have a copy of everything so he will know when your report becomes inaccurate and yes, it will affect your final score.  
  
You must present 3-5 sentences per paragraph. That is the standard format for these paragraphs and that represents the number of sentences you should be presenting in your essay as well. Avoid run-on sentences due to the reasons I stated in one of my previous paragraphs in this post.  
  
Without the copy of the image, I won't be able to assess your information presentation. Attach an image next time by hitting the [+] image link in the text box. So I will have to give you a general review instead.  
  
You have some unclear sentence presentations due to the improper use of word representations such as "recovery back". Recovery is the word that you want to use because it shows a bounce or return from a negative. I am sure that I could have given you a more proper review of your work if you had included the image. In the meantime, I think I have given you enough information to get you started in terms of improving your Task 1 essay approach.  
  
Note: You uploaded the image after I made my review. So I will give you a targeted review based on your next Task 1 essay.