dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
1) Punctuation error.  
2) Smooth but not impressive introduction.  
3) You misunderstood the prompt. It asked you to discuss both views before giving your opinion, so you have to state that you will explain those arguments fisrt, then say that you are going to point out your view.  
  
4) Becareful with plural words and uncountable ones.  
5) False expression, should choose words more carefully.  
6) You did not link sentences properly.  
7) Cumbersome and incorrect ways of expressing ideas.  
8) Irrelevant opinion (sometimes).  
9) You did explain further your ideas. However, I still feel not enough with your explanations, may be because they are not fully developed.  
10) Too many simple sentences. Remember to use a variety of structures in order to score higher.  
11) Paraphrasing the topic again is need in the conclusion. Your conclusion is too short to be considered a good end for your work.  
12) Lack of lexical resources.
**Creative artists should always be given the freedom to express their own ideas (in words, pictures, music, film) in whichever way they wish. There should be no public or government restrictions on what they do.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?**  
  
## Freedom in art.

  
  
Creativity is one of the most pivotal factors that artists need to create masterpieces. Nonetheless, there has been a debate whether those who perform art in various forms, such as movies, poems and so on, should be permitted to act in whatever way they want. Though I am mostly in favour of this reckon, it is my belief that the government still has the right to interfere.  
  
On the one hand, artists deserve freedom demonstrate what they want to express as limit in creativity brings out several drawbacks. Firstly, it lessens value of art, since many contents are considered inappropriate to the authorities, some countries even go far enough to ban products which contain these from being officially distributed. Take nudity as an example, it is regarded as mundane to many individuals, yet seems to be natural beauty in the eyes of who loves art. Furthermore, in the sense that the extent of content is limited, there would be a decrease in the number of people who take interest in this field. Secondly, performing under control may bore artists and make them lose interest in their career, as their ideas tend to be restricted by laws and policies. This can also be the main culprit that kills human creativity and development.  
  
On the other hand, limitation is never unimportant. This is because of the fact that not every work is appropriate to be introduced to the public. It is a must to censor the artists' contributions in the first place. For instance, responsible authorities ought to check the quality of products like movies or books before allowing them to be released in order to eliminate the possibilities of heavily violent or misleading details.  
  
In conclusion, I mostly agree with the idea of freedom in terms of art performance by virtue of the benefits downplaying the negative sides. Nevertheless, there also should be solutions to prevent the cons.
Tran, you need to learn that you are not supposed to create your own prompt question when writing an essay. The original prompt is not there for you to simply disregard so you can discuss a topic that you want in relation to the original prompt. When you show that you do not understand English instructions, you will not pass the test. Let me show you the correct paraphrase for this discussion:  
  
*Creative artists require the freedom to openly express their artistic concepts and ideas in a manner that they deem fit. This can be done by an artist through an artistic representation using words, pictures, music, film, or any alternative form of art. There are times when the public and the government tend to try and control these artistic declarations. Based upon the controlling actions of the public and government, there have been a number of people who have said that there is no room for public and government restrictions in art. I strongly disagree with this statement for reasons that I will be discussing below.*  
  
Do you see how different our opening statements are? Mine is more in line with the original prompt presentation. Yours, on the other hand, is nowhere near the original discussion instruction.  
  
This is a single opinion discussion essay that requires you to defend your stance. Why did you offer a comparison essay to the examiner? Please, do your best and try to learn the different types of IELTS Task 2 discussion essay formats. You need to pair up a particular discussion style with a particular discussion instruction. If you don't do that, you end up writing an essay that deviates from the prompt and will result in a failing score.
hay @tran14, i'm also not really good at writing, but i just want to share what i know.  
  
1. Better if you write down no more than 270 words because as many as word you write, many mistakes will appear and it will impact on your score.  
  
2. better if you reduce to use cohesive device, if i'm not mistaken there are 9 cohesive devices that you use in first paragraph and it is not really good i guess.
## stages of headland erosion

  
  
The stages of headland erosion are showed in diagram process. As it can be seen that 4 consecutive stages due to natural process become the one of reason for this cause.  
  
Initially, the erosion of headland happens in faint spot-rock. The natural process like sea water become the main case of this problem that subsequently hit the body of headland. Because of this phenomenon, small and medium hole is made in a surface. As time goes by, the medium former cave transform into arch that connecting the other side of current wave and tend to like door or Dorset, while the small one getting bigger.  
  
Apart from the previous explanation, the successive waves knocking down the headland roof in moderate cave and leaving a stack that far from coastline. The previous little cave is also created and connected to both side of the cape. In the last stages, the headland come closer to the shore which neglect the stack and stump behind.  
  
*
Heru, since this is your first posting here at EF, I will allow you some leeway and not score this essay yet. Believe me, if I decided to score this essay, it would not have gotten anywhere near a passing mark. So, rather than focusing on the score, I would like you to focus on a number of problem points in this essay for your improvement in the next practice essay.  
  
The first problem of this essay is the fact that you did not accurately provide a summary overview for the diagram. The summary overview needs to contain the following information:  
  
1. The type of figure provided. In this case, it was a diagram. Good work on identifying that.  
2. The purpose of the diagram. You said it was to discuss soil erosion. That is correct. You failed to mention that it was for the erosion of a headland. This created an incomplete presentation of information for the purpose of the diagram.  
  
3. There are 4 stages that caused the erosion process. Another correct piece of information. This shows that you have an analytical mindset that can be developed to your benefit before the actual test.  
  
4. The instructions asked you to select and report on the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You did not mention that in your summary. Incomplete information was given and no clear discussion outline was create for the essay due to the missing information. Points will be deducted from your TA score.  
  
Sea water is not a natural process, that is an element of nature. Sea water hitting the rocks is a natural process. That is what you should have said instead. You cannot start an academic sentence with "because" due to the word being a connecting word. It doesn't connect any idea in a sentence when it is placed at the beginning so you will lose GRA points for this grammatical error.  
  
In terms of your cohesiveness and coherence, this essay lacks in so many aspects of grammar development that it will be next to impossible for you to get an sort of passing score in the LR, C&C, and GRA section. Those sections are scored simultaneously so if you are weak in one aspect, it is automatic that all the remaining sections will also be weak. In this instance, the lack of discussion clarity in all of your paragraphs immensely affected your C&C score, this problem dragged down the other 2 sections as well.  
  
Heru, I am sad to say that this essay is not good at all. However, since this is your first essay, you should not allow these comments to affect you. Instead, use these as your inspiration to do better in the next tests. This first essay allowed me to assess your writing abilities and I can see the potential in you to do very well in this test. The problem that you are facing now has to do more with grammar development than analytical thinking. Please try to do more grammar building exercises during your spare time so that you can begin to improve in this weak section of your writing skills.
Here is the topic:  
  
**Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.**  
  
Here is my answer:  
  
## people need money to survive

  
  
Nowadays, the economic play an important part in our life, it also makes the government put the economic progress as a first goal. However, some people think that other types of progress are equally important to compare to the economic progress. In this essay, I am going to discuss both of these views.  
  
The reason why the government put the economic progress at first goal is because money is the basic needed for people to survive. For instance, people need money to pay the food, bill or other fees. Furthermore, people can also use the money to enhance their life quality, such as buying a new car, house or having a travel. So it is very clear that money can increase people's satisfaction with life, and it might also enhance the satisfaction for the government.  
  
However, there are also have some people suggest that the government should also put other types of progress as a first goal because they are both important for the country development, for example, health care, education, or transport system are also fundamental development for a country. For instance, a full development country should keep these types of progress and economic progress in balance and create a friendly environment for people.  
  
Overall, I think it is very important to satisfy the people's basic needed of life and also enhance the life quality, these are all about the economic progress and they are all should be priority things for the government. On the other hand, it is also very hard to process the other types of progress if the government did not fully develop the economic progress first. Therefore, it is necessary that the government put the economic progress as the most important goal before other types of progress.  
  
Thanks for everyone who is willing to spend your time in my essay, because I am going to take the test in this Saturday, so I wonder about the score.  
  
If you could give me a general score that will be very nice, thank you so much and I will keep learning my writing skill.
Chou, you still need to work on your opening paraphrase. While you show the ability to understand and restate English statements, you still have a lacking degree of accuracy in your method of paraphrasing. You have to be exactly on topic from the very beginning. Your first sentence created a slight prompt deviation that can easily be fixed. Please refer to my example below:  
  
*Most countries are run by governments that believe that the economic progress of the country is their primary goal. This is an opinion that differs from the public opinion that there are other goals of equal importance for the country. In this essay, I will discuss these two viewpoints and then offer my personal insight on the matter.*  
  
When you opened your essay with; "The reason why..." you immediately began a discussion without offering an overview of what the discussion is supposed to be about. Since the opening statement is meant to serve as the outline of the forthcoming discussion, you are not permitted to present an immediate discussion in the first paragraph. That would be like starting a conversation from the middle instead of at the beginning. Without a proper topic presentation and discussion outline, the opening statement, which the TA score is based on, will not get a strong opening score.  
  
The second weakness of your essay is that you do not indicate which point of view is being discussed in the paragraph prior to your supporting discussion presentation. You need to use terms like "Based on government data indicators..." or "The economic factors that the government considers..." or any other form of introduction that indicates what the topic for discussion in that paragraph will be. This will clearly show that you are developing a chronological discussion for your essay.  
  
Another problem with your essay is that you do not fully develop your paragraph presentations because, rather than focusing on the discussion of singular facts, which is all the time that you have to present in the actual test, you are focusing more on just providing relevant information without an accurate explanation. Such actions on your part create paragraphs that clearly lack the cohesiveness and coherence that these essays require. If you cannot properly develop a strain of thought in a single paragraph, you will score poorly in this section. That is why you need to focus on only one topic per paragraph for presentation development. Prioritize the quality of your discussion over the quantity of information you are presenting.  
  
Finally, your personal opinion is not meant to be the closing paragraph of the essay. The personal opinion, is a fully developed presentation of your understanding of the topic in relation to the given information. That requires a 5 sentence presentation at the maximum. The concluding paragraph, should not be discussing new information as it is meant to end a discussion instead of continue it. The discussion must be completed only within 3 paragraphs after the opening statement. The 5th paragraph, is the closing presentation or concluding paragraph.  
  
In my opinion, the score for this essay will be no higher than a 5.
//It is the first time I write TOEFL essay. If you can point out the mistakes and polish it up, I will be really grateful.  
  
## DIY your trip

  
  
Tremendous number of people have affinity to travelling, which is the best way to relax with the beloved ones, and explore new possibilities on one's own. However, disputes on the perfect way to travel has never ceased. Someone prefer looking for travel agencies to get a well-planned trip in group with an experienced guide, while others who always want to try new things, will choose a self-designed tour. To my extent, I am fond of quieter, more seclude and less famous sites. Thus I prefer not to go with a group of people, some of which I have barely know before, and not with a guide as well.  
  
It is certain the preparation and the whole journey will be less stressing and tiring if you pay your money to the agency or to a tour guide. Nevertheless, in my opinion, you also pay the interesting part to them as well. You may know some knowledge from the tour guide during your packed visit to most sites, but if you design your trip on your own, you will gain much more knowledge than that. Besides, without a talkative guide, your trip will be purer, rendering your concentration on the beauty you are about to see.  
  
Another reason is that your schedule will be flexible if you are not in a group. You will never know what will happen during your journey. Sometimes, a random talk with local people may open a new gate to you. Some hidden scene that will be breathtaking, some special events you happen to participate in, all of these you must not want to miss, especially for a scenic guy like me. You can reschedule your route as your will as long as you are off the group. Without the bound of other people, you can set your own suitable pace.  
  
The last lies in the freedom to choose places to visit. You can taste the most authentic food in a fabulous restaurant, or you can live in a local people's house to make friends. You can even ignore those popular sites which says "Never miss" or something like that. Sometimes, you may encounter with some wonderful sight by just aimless wandering on the street. A cozy afternoon with a book you long for reading in a café is never a bad choice. You can have whatever you want in a different place. What I always do is to live like a local people, having breakfast by the street, wandering by the sea, appreciating the sunset and the starry night. All of these are nearly impossible if you go with a group. I have to admit it is fun as well, however, I will stick to my way to travel by myself.  
  
Conclusively, DIY your trip without the help of a guide may be demanding but worth trying. The freedom you gained is much more precious than you can imagine.
Carl, when you post your essay for review at this forum, you are required to post the original prompt requirement along with your essay. That is because I will be unable to properly review your essay without it. The original prompt contains the scoring considerations required for the essay discussion. Since you were not able to provide the original prompt here, I cannot give you an accurate review of your discussion. I can only review the most obvious parts and mistakes instead.  
  
Your general discussion is engaging and informative. It implies that you have personally done this activity before in the manner that you are discussing. Since the TOEFL test usually considers personal experience and examples as better evidence or supporting reason in its essays, you may have done very well in this essay. You would have created a more impressive presentation if you had used the first person pronouns throughout the essay because it is obvious that you have considered such situations before and dealt with is successfully. My only concern, has to do with the prompt requirements.  
  
While I am highly impressed by your discussion format, unless I see the prompt requirement, I cannot be sure if this is an essay that will pass the test or not. It is too late for you to present the prompt requirement now. I can only give you one free advice per thread. This is a wasted chance. I hope that you will remember to post the prompt with your next essay for a more thorough review of that essay.
**The topic:** ***Some people believe that a gap year between school and university is a good idea, while  
others disagree strongly. Consider both sides of this debate and present your own opinion.***  
  
**My answer:**  
  
## a gap year - is it a good idea or not?

  
  
Nowadays, there is an accelerating trend of taking a gap year amongst young people. However, whether it benefits students or not has caused a heated debate and I will discuss these both sides now.  
  
On the one hand, going on a gap year may be unsafe for young people. This is because they are still immature person who do not have enough essential knowledge as well as strong nerves to dealt with problematic situation like kid napping or robbing. Moreover, some students without physical strength may be overwhelmed by harsh working conditions. Another issue against taking a gap year is the financial problem. The cost of travelling as well as accommodation is indeed noticeable so that students have to pay a large amount of money which is mainly from their parent's budget.  
  
On the other hand, it is obvious that for most students, the main purpose of going on a gap year is to acquire more actual experiences as well as soft skills which are barely gained at school. This is because these fruits may result in success in the future career of students who will enter the workplace and earn a living. Moreover, taking a gap year can also benefit the society. For example, many young people join voluntary campaign for undeveloped countries, especially those in Africa, to support the residents there. This action is not only a chance for students to experience real-life difficulties but also a rewarding contribution to improve the low living condition of poor people in other nations.  
  
In conclusion, I feel that it is very useful to go on a gap year because of the benefits it brings to students and maybe the society. Meanwhile, this should be done with careful plan to avoid risks that may happen.  
  
Thank you for reading my essay, please give me some comments and the score for this. ^^
Tran, your paraphrase is a bit short on the required sentence count. You should have divided the presentation into individual sentences that would have helped you meet the minimum word count. This could have been accomplished by presenting each side of the discussion as an individual sentence rather than a collective representation as you did in this essay.  
  
The presentation of your discussion is lacking. You discussed both sides of the issue as evidenced in the two body paragraphs in the essay, but there was no representation of your personal opinion. This was supposed to be the third paragraph in the presentation before your concluding remarks. With that missing paragraph, the essay may not be good enough to gain a passing score. The TA section of the essay will be severely affected in terms of scoring.  
  
By the way, double check the English words that you use. The correct term is "kidnapping" (one word) and "robbery" ( the act of being robbed. Robbing is the action the criminal is doing.)
I'm quite confused with some words. I'm not sure but you can check once again.  
1.*"whether it benefits students or not.... has caused,"* i think there is a missing word there.  
2.*"This is because they are still immature person"* i though it should be "people"  
3. *"especially those in Africa~~**,**~~ to support the residents there "*  
If I'm wrong, please disregard this comment
Hellp hao,  
  
In my opinion, you should change your introduction to be open.  
  
for example: *Young people always want to be success so they consistently try new things so sometimes they learn sometimes win, there is an accelerating trend of taking a gap year amongst young people. However, whether it benefits students or not has caused a heated debate and I will discuss these both sides now.*  
  
I hope it can help you  
  
Minh Phuc