dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The essay tries to delineate the opinion above  
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## The responsibilty to stay healthy

  
  
Many people believe that each individual is responsible for his or her own well-being and the governments play no role in this matter. However, while this opinion is correct to some extent, there is still some flaws in it and this essay will try to shed some light on it.  
  
First of all, it is undeniable that the major responsibility lies in the hands of the residents since health is greatly influence by every day activities. It depends on the diet and work-life habits of each person, which are entirely under the autonomy of each individual. Secondly, governments are incapable of interfering or preventing bad habits, as long as they do not violate the law. For example, if a person decides to work overtime and continuously skip meals, government has no power to stop he or she to engage in such toxic behaviour since it does not breach any regulations.  
  
On the other hand, human beings can be affected by their surrounding and living standards. Some negative factors of the overall society can badly influence health. These elements can hardly be changed by the effort of a single citizen and wiil require serious measures from the authorities to deal with them. Some evident instances can be pointed out are air pollution and the quality of the healthcare system. The former is quite common in urban cities, where dwellers suffer from various respiratory diseases due to the fumes and exhaustion from cars and industrial activities. As for the case of medical services, getting access to better healthcare system may help people get vaccinated and be immune to numerous diseases, or they can receive the right treatments once they need it and quickly recover.  
  
In conclusion, I do not agree with the appointed perspective. The responsibilty to stay healthy belongs to both the people and their government. Hence, there should be efforts from both sides to maintain the well-being of the overall society.
In order to properly write a task 2 essay, you must first, learn to understand what the essay requirements are. If you do not understand what you are expected to write about, you end up with your essay, an incorrect representation of the given discussion parameters. Writing a severely long essay, which does not respond to the prompt requirements will not result in a passing score. Focus less on the word count, more on the proper discussion paragraphs based on the prompt expectations.  
  
Analyze the prompt of the essay:  
Argument 1: Some people say that health care and education should be the responsibility of the government  
Argument 2: others think that it is the responsibility of the individuals themselves.  
Discussion Requirement: Discuss both views and give your opinion.  
  
After you dissect the prompt, brainstorm or outline your discussion points:  
Reasoning par. 1: Responsibility of the government because? (Second person or group pronouns)  
Reasoning par. 2: Individual responsibility because? (Second person or group pronouns)  
Personal Analysis: I support the belief that? (First person pronoun)  
  
Guess which of the above elements are missing in your presentation? Yup. The personal analysis portion is never presented in the recap section, which is what the concluding paragraph is all about. The personal analysis should show how you considered the positive and negative points of each discussion, in order to arrive at your personal support opinion / analysis.  
  
The missing element is what caused your essay to be considered under developed and not fully explained. By limiting your personal opinion to 2 sentences at the end of the essay, you do not fully utilize the benefits of an extended discussion. That is why this type of essay is more efficiently presented as a 5 paragraph essay.
Hi, I am a learner too, specifically for writing task 2. So, let's study together.  
  
From my opinion, overall is good, the words are over word count limit. Thats great!  
  
Okay, based on my correction, your essay should strongly show where the side of you, agree or disagree, without mentioning both side of views.  
You conclude it with strongly agree or strongly disagree then just close the statement.
Thank you both for your thorough feedbacks @holt @yulia.  
  
I tried to conclude in the last paragraph that I did not agree with the "appointed perspective", i.e: A person's health is their own responsibility rather than the government's responsibility, but giving it a second thought, a more firm and nuanced answer should be better!  
  
And also, thanks for the structure Holt, definitely a good tool to clearly cut it down and make sure that I fully address all key points.
## WHETHER TEENAGERS SHOULD HAVE PART-TIME JOBS OR NOT?

  
  
In many countries, teenagers are encouraged to find part-time jobs. Some think this is a good development while others disagree. Discuss both view and give your own opinion?  
  
In recent years, there has been a debatable issue about whether adolescents should work part-time or not. While many people argue that it helps young people to develope better, i believe that it has more disadvantages than that.  
  
On the one hand, it is true that nowadays, the world has progressed and the youth is 100% our future, which means that besides studying academically, mastering soft skills is also vital. Moreover, with the appearance of technological devices such as smartphone, computers and so so, many youngsters have a tendency of being lazy and totally depend on those devices so part-time jobs are the good opportunities for them to improve themselves. They have chances to manipulate knowledge into practise, know how to be responsible to what they are doing, manage their time better and be highly self-disciplined. For instance, when a high school student become a tutor, he has to study so hard to pass his academic knowledge on other people or when he becomes a waiter, he need to communicate effectively. Furthermore, by working with experienced people, teenagers will acquire more experience in life and appreciate the value of money, which in turn make them realize how hard working is and focus on studying.  
  
On the other hand, working part-time affects a person's education. Instead of studying, students may only concentrate on working in order to earn money, which makes them distracted and fall behind with their studies. Moreover, after a hard day studying, youngsters will be under enormous pressure when they have to work in lieu of relaxing. And many companies now do not take on employers who are still students as they are inexperienced and do not old enough bear responsibilities before the law. For me, the main duty of teenagers is studying. If they want to acquire soft skills, they can take part in outside activities or doing volunteer work, which are held by schools. Teachers and parents play an integral part in instilling their children the value of learning as well.  
  
In conclusion, part-time jobs be certainly beneficial, but i believe that they have more drawbacks than advantages.
It appears that you did not fully understand the discussion instruction for this essay. The instructions provided required you to discuss the essay in a compare and contrast method, followed by a presentation of your personal opinion. Your discussion is based instead on an advantage and disadvantage discussion. You did not discuss the essay in the correct manner. The examiner will look at the original prompt and your response to the prompt. He will realize that you misunderstood the discussion instructions and accidentally created your own discussion prompt. For clarity purposes, let me show you exactly how the mistake came about:  
  
OI: Discuss both view and give your own opinion?  
YR: i believe that it has more disadvantages than that.  
  
As you can see, your response cannot be considered prompt responsive because your response is unrelated to the task you were given in the original prompt instructions. So, your essay will fail a major scoring consideration, the Task Accuracy section.  
  
At this point, I will not continue to review the rest of your essay. It will be silly of me to do so because the overall errors in the essay, when combined with the failing TA score, will not result in a passing score for you anyway.  
  
I strongly advise you to stop writing Task 2 essays at this point. Instead, read up on example responses to various prompt statements. You will not lack for those at this forum. Learn to identify the proper discussion types, based on the prompt discussion instructions. Only when you understand the different topics, discussion types, and discussion approaches, will you be able to properly respond to a Task 2 essay. It is important that you never change the discussion format and that you do not change the discussion instructions so that you can pass the test.
## living in an extended family or not?

  
  
**Some commentators feel that grandparents should live together with their children and grandchildren,  
while others say that elderly people should be encouraged to live independently.  
Consider the possible arguments on both sides of this debate, and reach your own conclusion.**  
*Task*  
People have different views about the issue of whether living in an extended family or not. While there are benefits to grandparents live with their offspring, there are also good reasons why it might be beneficial to accommodate separately.  
  
On the one hand, the option of grandparents living with their children is attractive owing to several reasons. Firstly, the older grandparents are, the weaker they become, so sometimes, they can not take care of themselves. Therefore, the progeny should live with their parents to look after them, especially when they get sick or ill. Secondly, it not only helps households to increase the quality of life but also grandchildren living with grandparents can gain many experiences from seniors. Moreover, it is much cheaper than living in a nursing home.  
  
On the other hand, there are a variety of reasons why it is favorably helpful that grandparents should live separately. First of all, almost houses in the hustle and bustle city are not large enough for the three-generation family. Thus, it is quite narrow to live together. Furthermore, the elder may be feeling alone because in office hours, their offspring go to work and their grandchildren go to school, so it is quite boring to stay home alone. Last but not least, they will feel free to stay independent. They can do whatever they want without being grumbling or complaining.  
  
In conclusion, although both views certainly have some validity, it seems to me that it is better to live alone, provided that health and finances allow them to do this.
Your essay is confusing to read due to the lack of connecting words, proper sentence presentations, incoherent sentences, and little developed explanations. For debate essays, you must use the compare and contrast or advantage / disadvantage discussion. The way that you wrote this essay does not make it clear which of the two methods you used in your writing. It appears to be a mix of both.  
  
When I write debate essays, I prefer to use the A/D method of discussion because it is better suited to a debate. In a debate, you are supposed to defend your stand first, then look for its weak points second. Once you find the weak points, you must discuss that in the essay in a manner that will shut down your opponent should he decide to do a rebuttal focusing on the perceived weak point or reason of your presentation.  
  
You did not effectively think of potential questions that could be asked based on your presented advantage discussion points. You instead looked for other weak points to discuss in a separate paragraph. The focus of your discussion should have been on the defense/rebuttal side instead of the continuing pro and con reason discussion. Based on these considerations, I would have to say that you did not effectively defend your stance in the essay. There were several loopholes in your first discussion presentation that could have been defended effectively in the next paragraph instead of your creating other discussion questions based on the topic.  
  
The essay asked you to consider your own conclusion based on the comparative discussion of the A/D of having grandparents live with their children. It would have been difficult to come to an opinion about it when you have different reasons to consider, but not the alternatives to the discussion points that you already presented.  
  
Your discussion points are actually badly explained and not really developed as debate points. So the presentation is confusing to the reader. You are also using advanced words such as progeny, which did not really flow naturally with the presentation. In an actual English test setting, the examiner will look at your use of English words, in the correct manner. That means, the words you choose to use in the essay need to feel like it belongs in the sentence or paragraph rather than you just trying to show off the "big" word that you came across while you were looking for words to use in the writing of your essay. Using advanced vocabulary, in the incorrect method will not be helpful to your scoring considerations.
## Which Type of education is best for students?

  
  
These days there are various perspectives on the question of whether secondary schools should provide students with a wide range of subjects or a narrow scope of subjects related a particular career. While I accept that the former education system brings many merits, benefits of particular subjects should not be overlooked.  
  
On the one hand, students can significantly benefit from a system of education which offers various different subjects. First, exposing themselves to many areas of knowledge, students can find out their field of interest and strengths. In fact, students at this age might not know exactly what they really want to become in the future or their future orientation, so the education of various subjects could help students to determine their career paths. Second, different subjects facilitate children's well-rounded development, which would be essentially beneficial for them when embarking on their careers in the future.  
  
On the other hand, there are certain advantages for students if they are provided an education system with employment-based subjects. First, students who study a particular group of subjects may have more time and concentration on skill as well as requirements to become exceptionally excellent at a particular job. As a result, having a profound insight into to a specific field endows students with prominent advantages over others in the current competitive labour market. Second, since not devoting to subjects irrelevant to their future occupations, students would have more time to participate in extra-curricular activities after schools, which builds up their soft skills and enhances stamina.  
  
In conclusion, from my perspective, the benefits of both types of education should be equally considered to bring students the best academic environment.
Based on the original prompt for this essay, you cannot take the middle stand and say that both methods of teaching have benefits that should not be overlooked. The prompt instruction requires you to pick one of the two educational systems to provide support for in your reasoning discussion. This is the method by which you are to write the essay based on the following instruction:  
  
*For today's world, which system is appropriate?*  
  
Based on the aforementioned instruction, the method by which you are to approach the task discussion is the singular opinion approach. The supporting reasons, should be based on your personal learning experience. Your personal learning experience, discussed in a general manner, without particular pronoun use, should help to explain why you feel that one particular method of teaching is more relevant in the 21st century teaching field. The discussion instruction does not leave any room for a comparative form of discussion as you have presented here.  
  
Your essay will suffer in the TA scoring section because you failed to make a decision that reflects a clear opinion within the reasoning paragraphs. Yes, it is important that you pick only one side of the educational method to discuss. That is because the essay is asking you to present a personal preference for the educational method. You cannot prefer to study in both teaching styles. Even actual schools have only one teaching method that they use to teach their students. So you have to choose one teaching method also.  
  
Due to your inability to present an actual position in relation to the discussion topic, I do not believe that your TA score will be more than a 3. You must present a clear position in the task when one is required, such as in this essay. With such a low TA score, you cannot expect to reach the 5 band consideration for the overall scoring result. That is because the reasoning paragraphs are under developed. You are presenting more than one reason per paragraph, which leaves you with a little explained second reason in the same paragraph. This leads to unclear explanations and non-cohesive paragraph presentations.
## SPENDING ON CONSUMER GOODS IN FRANCE AND THE UK

  
  
The bar chart compares the amount of money which France and UK spent on five types of consumer goods in 2010.  
Overall,it is clear that UK spent more time on these goods. UK spent more money than France on Cars, books and cameras than France but less money on all the other household tasks  
  
Expenditure on cars was the highest in the consumer with 450000 pounds on UK compared with 400000 pounds on France. There was a significant difference in term of cameras. UK spent 350000 pounds, which was more than 2 times figure of France. The amount of money for books was almost 400000 for UK and 300000 for US.  
  
There were only two tasks on which France spent more than UK. However, the difference was relatively small, at about 370000 and 350000 pounds for France and UK respectively on computers. The figure on perfume was 200000 pounds for France, a little more than UK, which had just below 150000 pounds.  
  
*
The presentation is good. However, in your desire to finish the task within the time limit, you failed to accurately report information in certain instances. To be specific:  
  
- In the summary overview, you said there were 5 comparison points, but you only enumerated 4. You have to report all 5.  
- In paragraph 2, you mentioned that the UK spent 2 times more than France, but you forgot to mention what the figure for France was to prove your data presentation.  
  
- When you write a topic sentence, make sure you indicate the 2 sets of information you will be presenting:  
  
*There were only two tasks on which France spent more than UK. These tasks were related to computers and perfume sales.*  
  
By making a clear topic sentence, it will be easier for the reader to keep track of the information in your report, even if you change the positions of the data presentation.
## Revenue sources and expenditures of a USA charity

  
  
The charts illustrate the annual income and expense of a US charity organization in 2016.  
Overall, the entity spent less money than they accumulated. The primary source of revenue was donated food and program service, and the majority of expenditures came from program service.  
  
In regard to the revenue sources, donated food and community contributions accounted for exactly 97% of the money this entity accumulated ( donated food comprised of 86.6% and community contributions represented 10.4%). The remaining sources of revenue was program revenue (2.2%), investment income (0.2%), government grant (0.2%) and other income (0.4%). And the total revenue for the year was 53,561,580$.  
  
In terms of expenditures, program service took the most significant part of total expenses the entity spent in 2016, which comprised of 95.8%. Beside that, the organization paid for fundraising activities (2.6%) and management and general (1.6%). And the total expenditure for the year was 53,224,896$  
  
*
You need to learn to properly format the Task 1 reporting presentation. Based on the information presentation requirements, you need to have presented the following:  
  
- Summarize the main information  
- Select and report the main features  
- Make comparisons where relevant  
  
When you summarize the main features, you need to use a 3-5 sentence format for the paragraph. You need to make sure that you present more than just the topic and image type. By the way, you should have identified this as a pie chart. There are several types of charts so you need to be specific about it for information accuracy in your presentation. What was missing from your presentation are:  
  
- The method by which each chart was divided between the two pie charts  
- Method of measurement  
- A singular trending statement  
  
The worst thing you can do in a chart report is to rely on the use of parenthesis throughout your presentation. Using a parenthesis throughout means you are unable to fulfill 2 of the reporting requirements:  
  
- You failed to properly report the main features  
- You failed to make comparisons in the discussion  
  
The essay format is actually a 4 part paragraph presentation even though there are 3 instructions to be fulfilled:  
  
Par. 1: Overview and trending statement  
Par. 2: Revenue sources  
Par. 3: Expenditures  
Par. 4: Comparisons  
  
The comparison discussion should have been represented by a report presenting the following information:  
  
- Investment income  
- Fundraising  
- Management and general  
  
The aforementioned reporting approaches / formats would have helped you present a clear, comparative, and informative pie chart report.
Topic:  
## Explain some of the ways in which humans are damaging the environment

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***What can governments do to address these problems? What can individual people do?***  
  
Human actions have done tremendous damage on the ecosystem in recent decades. Solutions to this serious problem call for both governmental and individual participation.  
There are many contributors to the deterioration of the climate. The first is fossil fuel consumption that is a leading cause of air pollution, posing a significant threat to the ozone layer. For example, millions of tons of hazardous gas emissions are released directly into the atmosphere from various industrial parks each month, exacerbating the polluted air - one of the leading causes of global warming. Second, deforestation has a detrimental impact on ecological balance. To illustrate further, illegal logging and clearing of trees, which are the key causes of habitat destruction, putting various animal species in great danger due to shelter and food scarcity.  
  
Various steps should be taken by the national governments and individuals to resolve these severe problems. Firstly, with the position of national leaders, governments should enforce tougher penalties on factories with unsuitable gas disposal systems. In turn, policymakers would promote the use of environmentally sustainable sources of energy, such as solar, wind and water, to make room for the burning of fossil fuels in the fight against global warming for environmental conservation purposes. The governments could then improve the management of forests and enforce more stringent laws to make forest thieves and forest destruction preventive to keep the natural environment secure.  
  
As individuals, we could help to improve the "forest" on Earth by engaging in local environmental conservation activities, such as "no littering," "planting trees". In addition, we should purchase more energy-saving home appliances to reduce people's reliance on fossil fuels. Furthermore, to eradicate deforestation and guarantee the natural habitat of humans and animals, each citizen must comply with the government regulations.  
  
In conclusion, as described above, both national governments and individuals will play their part in making every possible effort to protect the environment on Earth in the fight against serious environmental problems.