dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Wei-Yuan, the first problem with your essay is the biggest problem that it has. The fact is, you did not discuss the essay in the manner indicated by the prompt. This is an extent or emotional essay that requires a degree of measurement in the response thesis statement. That is the sentence located at the end of the paraphrase in the first paragraph. The problem lies in this confusion:  
  
Discussion Question: To what extent do you agree pr disagree with this opinion?  
Your Response: For my own perspective, it is true that we need to spare great efforts to preserve them, however, we gain enormous benefits from them.  
  
The question asks you to agree or disagree with the given statement. Nowhere in the presentation does it ask you to explain what benefits are gained from the preservation of the traditional ways. This creates a prompt deviation on your part that will fetch an automatic TA score of 1. The reason? Your answer does not respond to the task. The correct approach to an extent essay response uses any of the following (or similar) terms: partially, totally, wholeheartedly, completely, half, and other similar terms with the term agree or disagree immediately following it.  
  
Now, since you did not appropriately respond to the given instructions, it will be extremely difficult for you to be scored accurately in terms of the relevance of your discussion to the prompt because, there simply isn't any connection between the prompt you were provided and the discussion that you presented. In order for you to receive an appropriate score for the rest of the criteria, you first have to properly respond to the task you are provided with. The only way you can do that, is if you can prove that you understand the English discussion that you were given using an appropriate prompt paraphrase and a correct response to the discussion question. For example:  
  
*As technological advancements begin to overwhelm society, the old ways of life and conventional proficiencies start to lose its relevance. That is why some people believe that there is no reason to continue to promote these aspects of the traditional way of life. I partially agree with this opinion.  
  
There are some reasons that make it beneficial to use the new way of life...  
  
However, there are some benefits to be gained by continuing to promote the use of conventional systems such as ...  
  
In the end...*  
  
Had you presented this discussion in a similar manner to the one above, you would have gotten a more appropriate and perhaps passing score for the essay presentation. You must increase your English comprehension skills before you take the test.
## proportion of Internet usage

  
  
**The line graph shows the percentage of Internet users in three countries from 1999 to 2009**  
  
The line graph indicates the proportion of people who had access to the Internet in three countries during the period between 1999 and 2009.  
  
It is evident that the period from 1999 to 2009 saw a marked increase in the percentage of people using the Internet in each country. Overall, there was a much larger percentage of Americans and Canadians having Internet access compared to Mexicans, and the Canadians experienced the fastest rate of Internet usage growth.  
  
At the beginning of the observed period, the proportion of Americans who used the Internet was approximately 20%. Meanwhile, the figures for Canada and Mexico were lower, at 10% and 5% respectively. In 2005, the percentage of Americans and Canadians accessing the Internet was at the same level of nearly 70% whilst the figure for Mexicans reached just over 20%.  
  
In 2009, the highest proportion of Internet usage was in Canada with almost 100% of Canadians having access to the Internet in comparision with about 80% of Americans and only 40% of Mexicans.  
  
*
My, good work on the essay. You have covered all of the obvious and important points. Your essay is clear and easy to understand. You have a simple analysis of the chart as presented to you for reporting. These are the positive aspects of your report. Now for the points for improvement and notes for correction.  
  
First up, the opening summary. You indicated the type of illustration you were provided with and the fact that there are 3 countries presented for comparison. As part of the required data, you must also indicate the names of the countries as these are all part of the summarized information. In this instance, it was more important to mention the countries in the summary overview rather than in the trending statement. While the mention of the citizens of these countries helped your trending presentation, you should have first indicated the countries in the overview in order to give the reader an introduction to the upcoming discussion in a more appropriate manner. You should have transitioned into your trending statement that stated the citizenships of each country separately from the countries indicated in the graph since the citizenships were not really directly referred to. Instead, it was the country that was mentioned for each one.  
  
Next up, you overlooked certain comparison points in the essay. For example, overlapped in terms of growth in 2002 at approximately 25% growth (not an actual reference, just a sample statement). And in 2006, Canada and the USA touched on almost the same growth rate as well as the graph indicates touching lines, meaning the growth rate for these two countries were at par or similar to one another.  
  
Small but detailed comparison points can help you increase your TA score and offer you a better C&C, and GRA score as well. Coming in with a word count of 170 means that you will allow yourself some time to actually revise and edit the content of your essay. Try to stay within that word count range for your succeeding tests. Remember, writing a long essay will not get you a good score but writing a moderate length essay that offers valuable information will help you increase your overall score. It's not about the word count but rather the quality of the work submitted that will help you pass the test.
**Playing a musical instrument is one of the most important achievements for any child. To what extent do you agree with this statement?**  
  
## Learning how to play a music

  
  
The role of music in our life is widely debated, with some people claim that every child should master at least a music instrument. Personally, I agree with this viewpoint, and I will explain why in this essay.  
  
Firstly, playing music acts as a precursor to a child's mental development. It is true to argue that learning any musical instruments, let alone mastering one, is time-consuming, tedious and requires constant efforts. Hence, through the learning process, children may inadvertently acquire patience and diligence, making learning more complicated things such as subjects much easier. Secondly, playing musical instruments is a healthy way of entertainment. Compared to children who spend hours straining their eyes at computer or mobile phone screens, other who consider playing music a hobby are proved to rarely have to suffer from any types of eye disorders. Finally, strange as it may sound, when it comes to one's adolescence and adulthood, the ability of being master in any musical instruments can make him stand out of the crowd and draw admiration.  
  
I do understand the opposing view that getting a child to learn such tough thing as musical instruments from an early age may cause mental damages. Long tiring days of hard training with an instrument without any likelihoods that he would be able to master it may render loss in confidence and self-belief. However, this does not always happen and can be fixed by a loosened timetable or consistent encouragements from teachers and parents.  
  
To conclude, I believe that the ability of playing musical instruments is conducive to any child and should be acquire from an early age. Above all, though, I think that the learning instrument process needs to be a gradual process, based on careful support rather than undue pressure.
**Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. Do you disagree or agree?**  
  
## gender oriented education?

  
  
Gender quality has become such a hot topic in many civilized societies that its movements could be seen in almost all aspects of life, including education. Some people propose that universities should parcel out the same number of seats for both men and women in every subject. Although it sounds fair and justified, I do not think it is carefully contemplated.  
  
The ideal education is the education that nurtures and encourages students to pursue their own interests. Thus, the percentage of gender for each subject should be based upon the demand of applicants and their academic performances regardless of their genders. For example, it is usually assumed that girls tend to perform less rigorously at natural science subjects than boys, yet if a girl is interested in math and possess all the qualities required by the institution, she should stand an equal chance with other male applicants. The pivotal element here is the equality of chances, not seats.  
  
The intake number is also heavily dependent on gender orientation. Some subjects are extremely gender-specific in both academic requirements and career prospects. There would be many boys who are interested in literature or nursing, but for most of the cases, figure of female is dominant since female are better at caring and more attentive to details. This is not only the matter of equality but also the matter of biology and innate traits of each gender. School admission committees, therefore, should take into account a greater deal of factors to specify a decent number of male and female for each subject.  
  
Furthermore, things could be much more complicated if an equal number is given to only female and male since the spectrum of gender is now wider than ever with LGBT community. If universities provide male and female with equal number then they have to do the same for people with allegedly non-traditional genders such as homosexuals, bisexuals, etc,... This will complicate the situation and eventually fail to satisfy all parties.  
  
In conclusion, universities should abandon the policy since it is rather a sensitive and problematic matter. The best thing that universities should do, and many still do, is to evaluate candidates only on their wills, interests and academic achievements regardless of their sexes.  
  
Thanks in advance for your feedbacks!
Tran, your essay is not properly responding to the prompt question. The question posed before you is this: Do you disagree or agree?. It is a simple question that tells you choose between one of two responses. Somehow, you did not understand that instruction which is why your response was out of context. You responded: I do not think it is carefully contemplated. The correct thesis sentence answer was a simple, "I do not agree with the statement." You overcomplicated your response and in the process, changed the discussion parameters of the topic. You created a different prompt topic to respond to, which makes you fail the first part of the scoring considerations.  
  
There was no need to include the LGBT paragraph in this statement. The focus of the discussion was only 2 genders. Regardless of your stance on the gender issues, you should not have further changed the prompt discussion by inserting the gender argument into it. You also should not use special characters such as ellipses (...) in an academic discussion. Furthermore, ellipses cannot be used after a comma. The ellipses indicate a somewhat ended but continuing discussion of a given statement. A comma indicates a continuation of the discussion in with a changing topic or additional ideas.  
  
Your essay has an open ending. This indicates that you continued to present new ideas and discussions within the 5 paragraph format which will lower your TA score because you failed to properly summarize the reasons. paraphrase the discussion again, and present your closing statement in order to end the discussion.
## benefits of a gap year

  
  
**Some students take one year off between finishing school and going to university in order to travel or to work. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?**  
  
It is common these days that many high school leavers choose to start their work or go on a trip before going to university. While a gap year can bring immediate drawbacks, I am convinced that it is more likely to have long-term benefits for their lives.  
  
Looking at the disadvantages of taking a year off, that school leavers may find difficult to integrate into the university life due to the different environment and learning method is the main point most worth discussing. It can be understandable that students spare the time for revision in the gap year, but the teaching methodology can be unfamiliar with the way they perceive in high school causing many obstacles to absorb the new knowledge. It takes a high pressure on gap-year takers. Besides, the life out of university is mentally and physically overwhelming to inexperienced school leavers. They need a good preparation in order to avoid being exploited at work and dealing with potential dangers on the trip.  
  
On the other hand, I would argue that the disadvantages are outweighed by the positive effects. A gap year is an ideal opportunity for students to clarify their future path. The modern society brings either benefits or challenges to youngsters, so they find arduous to choose the dilemma of pursuing their dreams. It is advisable to consider this decision vigorously by travelling or working. The practical lessons from the trips and the jobs will sharpen thoughts and help students become more mature. Moreover, when it comes to applying for a position in a company, the employer has a tendency to recruit the candidate who possess an intensive experience in life and occupation.  
  
In conclusion, despite the negative effects, it seems to me that the benefits of a gap year are more significant for the reasons mentioned.
@vendetta  
  
Your first body paragraph got me a bit confused. I think you have the right idea but the sentences were all over the place.  
  
The question is, if the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, and your answer is 'there are more pros than cons'. Basing on that, I think this is how you should arrange your ideas.  
  
1. Rephrase of the topic and your answer.  
2. Yours have mentioned the disadvantages(yet not clearly), but, I think you should explain one advantage that outweighs the disadvantage that you have mentioned. If you get what i mean. Then, another sentence for example.  
  
3. Another advantage and example.  
4. Your opinion  
5. Summary  
  
I hope this helps.
Vi, your discussion is only partially correct. Only your third paragraph responds to the prompt in a correct manner. Your prompt paraphrase also confused the discussion because you used the terms drawbacks and long term benefits, both of which forced a prompt deviation on your part. It is important that you use appropriate synonym words that can help you stay on track with the discussion. The correct terms to use, for reference , would have been adverse for disadvantages and favorable for advantages.  
  
Due to the prompt deviation on your part, the essay can only be given a score for the sections that meet the prompt requirements. Since the essay will then fall under the minimum word requirement, you can't expect to get a passing score for this essay based on the remaining criteria.
## shopping is the favorite pastime for most of the young people.

  
why do you think is that?  
do you think they should be encouraged to do some other useful activities?  
  
There is one activity that teenager like the most recently, it is purchasing of goods from stores without consider of usage of goods they bought. this phenomenon is caused by psychological factor. this essay will describe youngster should use their time and money to decent things such as joining art class or doing some sports.  
  
According to the survey which is released by university, 8 of 10 juvenile feel happy after they bought something, they said this make their stress relieved. research said that shopping can bring happiness to those doing this activity, but it has continue effect, shoppping lead people get more tension because they feel guilty because what they bought actually is not useful.  
  
Whereas, there are a lot of thing that youngster can do to relieved their Anxiety. for instance, doing sport or joining an art class. with those activities, they not only invest in money, but also invest in skill which they got can useful in the future, moreover they will get income if the want to share their skill.  
  
to sum up, the reason why young people do shopping is to relieve their anxiety about school or work. in fact, the goods that already bought is not actually necessary, on the other hand, teenager should do useful activities such as join art class, or sport.
Dimas, this essay shows that you have a problem when it comes to properly developing the sentence structure, punctuation, and English vocabulary when composing sentences and/or paragraphs. Your grammatical errors are such that the essay becomes so difficult to read that the reader finds himself unable to truly understand what it is you are trying to say within each sentence, more so with each paragraph. You need to practice developing English sentences in a simple form before you continue with your practice tests. This essay in particular is quite difficult to comprehend because of your lack of control over sentence development.  
  
You also make reference in the essay to some sort of survey and research information which is not properly cited. Therefore, this cannot be considered an accurate piece of information. The Task 2 test requires you to use only popular knowledge and personal experience or information when discussing the topics. That is because you cannot waste time doing research for a given topic, nor will you have time to look for a computer to do research on. This is a pencil based test. Remember that.You definitely will not have access to any research materials at the testing center so don't refer to research in your succeeding practice essays.
Topic: Some people think that museums should be enjoyable places to entertain people, while others believe that the purpose of museums is to educate. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.  
  
## Museums purposes

  
  
Essay: People have been for ages pondering the main role of museums. While some say that museums should create an entertaining atmosphere for visitors, others believe that museums should only be used to educate people. This essay will delve into both viewpoints and voice my personal opinions.  
  
It can be argued that people should use museums for educational purposes. Well-performed scholars attend the museums to expand their arsenals of knowledge on a regular basis. Moreover, the curriculum which is conducted in museums also advocates young children to study about historical values easily. This can be seen in the US where exhibitions provide visitors with information about national victories, artifacts, weapons, etc. As a result, it is relevant to say museums should be accompanied by educational goals.  
  
Conversely, I strongly believe that museums should pertain joy for the aim of satisfying tourists. Museums are widely considered as national tourist attractions. If museums are capable of creating an entertaining atmosphere, visitors will unlikely to resist this kind of entertainment, especially youngsters who prefer amusement to education. Additionally, the trend which museums with humorous, funny theme are spring up with a fast pace in these days. For instance, chocolate museum in Belgium, or video game museum in America, etc. Subsequently, education can actually be acquired through enjoyment. It is said that because visitors will inculcate historical stories, mythology which perceive national values rapidly rather than just a conventional lecture.  
  
In conclusion, I reckon that each kind has its own merits and museums should develop equally both aspects mentioned.  
  
Can you help me to check my essay? and a suggested band score if possible. thanks a lot.
Minh, the essay that you wrote does not completely cover the task requirements. The prompt instructions clearly request you to provide a discussion of both points of view as well as a personal opinion at the end. What you wrote covers only one point of view and then a personal opinion. This indicates a lack of discussion accuracy on your part which means you failed to accurately meet the task requirements. If you review your thesis sentence at the end of the paraphrase, you indicated a 2 point of view and a personal opinion discussion. That is what you were expected to present but failed to do so.  
  
Your concluding statement is too short to be considered a full summary of the previous discussion. It should contain a reverse of the prompt paraphrase in the presentation. So it should indicate:  
  
1. A repeat of the prompt paraphrase  
2. A summary of the discussion points  
3. Repeat of the personal opinion  
4. Closing sentence  
  
This essay is not very well presented nor developed. Based on the criteria for scoring, this may only score anywhere between a 4-5 in an actual test. You have time and room for improvement. Don't be disheartened. Read the sample here and continue to practice. I'll help you improve your writing style and guide you towards increasing your score over the series of practice essays that you will be writing.