dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Please include the complete prompt for your essay. It is difficult to review when you have an incomplete topic.  
  
However, let me correct the things I have noticed in your essay.  
  
~~Needless to say~~ (is not a good start for introduction) , the forest plays a vital ...  
Your introduction is too long. Please make it short and direct just to give a clue to the reader of what you're going to discuss on your body paragraphs.  
  
*some people are of the opinion that governments and large companies*  
You repeated this phrase twice. Don't do it again. Rephrase or revise.  
  
*is undeniable ... to their existence namely the forests,*  
i did not understand this part.  
You mentioned paper and then you jumped to local communities, you must elaborate the recycle part then make another body paragraph for local communities.
## a large family has more benefits than downsides

  
  
The accelerate speed of modern life has brought about changes in traditional way. This is the reason why families have a tendency to be smaller than they used to be, which gives people different experience.  
  
A large family has a lot of advantages. Firstly, that younger brother could play football, play chess or study objects at school together helps them learn social skills from each other. Secondly, children helped in home that leads to the responsibility for their own action. Thirdly, grandparents could also look after their young kids with a particular care.  
  
However, a large family also brings disadvantages. The first reason is finance. One of parents needed to stay at home so as to take care of the young and the old, hence, they would earn less money. The financial problem prevented children from going to school and taking part in outdoor activities. The second one is parents's less attention to each kid because they had too much worry in their mind.  
  
I think a large family has more benefits than downsides. Although their family were lack of money, children didn't receive enough consciousness from parents, members in family could give help and support to each person, never felt lonely and were always happy.
I'm also practising writing. In my limited knowledge, I will give some comments on your essay. I think you are a bit off topic. It seems that you just discuss the large families issue in general but not that in the part. I also believe you should give the opposing attitude before giving the attitude you support. In the introduction, it seems that you havent address the task - there is not thesis statement. In the first paragraph of the body, you should give explanations and examples for each ideas. For example, what are social skills? (cooperating, communicating, etc). In addition each main idea should be clear simple sentence so that you can summarise main points in the conclusion. In the conclusion itself, you shouldnt provide new ideas (happy, lonely as in yours). As for vocabulary, I think disadvantages, a large family and advantages should be paraphrased because they have appeared in the question.
Chrissanth, I have no idea what prompt you are responding to with this essay and whether or not you responded to it properly in your discussion. What I did notice in your essay is that all of your discussions are not properly developed. Rather than developing the reasons for your discussion in single paragraph topic format, which is the required format for the Task 2 essay discussion, you are merely rattling off talking points, none of which are supported with proper evidence. That is why you sound like you are just writing for the sake of writing and nothing more. You just wanted to get through the test without really knowing how to properly present your discussion. As such, I cannot say that you properly wrote the response discussion. Kindly remember to post the complete instructions / prompt for the essay the next time you come here for an evaluation of your writing skills. Thanks.
## the downsizes of being left-handed

  
  
There are at least three downsizes of being left-handed which can be perceived. First of all, lefties face difficulties in routine. This is understandable because items or instruments are designed for being right-handed without a special order. For example, the structure of scissors with to distinct blades, in which one is designed for a thumb, is easy to become an exercise of frustration to left-handers because they are holding it upside down. For left-handed people, writing with a pen is a challenge because their hand runs through everything written. As a result, their notes are easy to look like a mess. In addition, there are limitations for lefties to shake hands. They naturally favour their dominant left hand to shake hands, and this is regarded as lack of social skills. For instance, the American culture considers it rude to shake hands with left hand and in some parts of Asia, shaking hands with left hand can be considered to be unpleasant.
This *That* is understandable ...  
  
... of scissors with ~~to~~ two distinct blades, ~~in which~~ one is designed for a thumb, (is easy to become an exercise of frustration to left-handers ...) #it\_isn't\_clear\_enough\_&\_i\_can't\_understand\_what\_u\_are\_wanting\_to\_write  
  
... their hands run~~s~~ through  
  
You dont have conclusion?
Tung, the disadvantages of being left handed is not referred as "downsized" but rather "down sides". There are two sides to every discussion, the up-side and the down-side. You are talking about the down-side in this paragraph. is this supposed to be a one paragraph essay only? It somehow feels like it should not have ended where it should. You need to develop a closing sentence for it so that it is not presented as an open ended paragraph. Your last sentence about handshakes should reflect how the other cultures view left handed handshakes in order to create a better description of the culture or tradition you are discussing. Remember, you need to develop a closing sentence to wrap up the paragraph. This is not a closed paragraph. A closing sentence for this essay would be as follows:  
  
*Having presented these reasons, it is clear to see why there are definite disadvantages to being a left handed person in a right handed world*.
*(IELTS task 1 aka the part of the test I'm most insecure in)*  
  
## Satisfaction Survey

  
  
***Question: The table below shows the results of a survey to find out what members of a city sports club think about the club's activities, facilities and opening hours.  
  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make any comparisons where relevant.***  
  
**Range of activitiesVery satisfiedSatisfiedNot satisfied**  
Female members 35% 35% 30%  
Male members 55% 40% 5%  
**Club facilities**  
Female members 64% 22% 14%  
Male members 63% 27% 10%  
**Opening hours**  
Female members 72% 25% 3%  
Male members 44% 19% 37%  
  
*Answer:*  
The table depicts the level of satisfaction among members of the city sports club regarding the club's activities, facilities and opening time. Results are divided by the respondents' gender, and are presented by percentage.  
  
Overall, the opinions of male and female members contrast with each other in a number of ways. The category of opening hours receives the most positive response from women and the most negative response from men, whilst the opposite applies to the range of activities. Details are given below.  
  
For female members of the club, the opening hours is the category in which the highest level of satisfaction is recorded, with 97% of the response being "Very satisfied" and "satisfied". The club's facilities also draws relatively optimistic reactions, with 86% of female members claining to be satisfied with this category. The range of activities, on the other hand, is the most dissatisfying category with 30% of the response being negative.  
  
From the male point of view, the opposite results are recorded. The club's activities - the category that receives the most negative response from women - achieves the highest degree of satisfaction from men with 95% of positive response. The category of opening hours also showcases a similar pattern - while receiving the most positive response from females, it is the most dissatisfying category among men with 37% of the response being "not satisfied". (225 words)
IELTS WRITING TASK 2: Check out my essay and give it the band score if possible. I'll appreciate it!  
  
**Some people think that universities should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills needed in the workplace. Others think that the true function of a university should be to give access to knowledge for its own sake, regardless of whether the course is useful to an employer, what is ur opinion?**  
  
## functional skills and practical knowledge in schools curriculums?

  
  
As there are so much changes in the qualifications and criteria needed in the workforce, many people are concerned about whether universities should apply business-like skills instead of providing theoretical knowledge in their curriculums. I firmly believe that it would be better off if universities provide their graduates with practical knowledge in the workplace.  
  
Firstly, it is obvious that the main reason high-school graduates going to university is to obtain specific knowledge and skills, which will enable them to acquire a promissing occupation. In fact, most enterprises when recruiting personel usually demand a certain experience on their candidates. This request might at some point be difficult for fresh-graduates to comply if they did not get exposured to the real working situations when in university. Therefore, by providing practical knowledge,universities are facilitating their students to cultivate their well-rounded mind and become more mature and thus acquire better job prospect in the future.  
  
Secondly, the curriculums in some universities are becoming old-designed and may be inappropriate as there are many alternative approaches. Students spending three of four years attending those classes may be a waste of their time, energy and money. If a university ultilize new modern teaching programmes, not only will its graduates be more competitive in the job market, but the university can itself keep pace with the technological developments and move forward.  
  
That is not to say university should neglect the pure scientific research. There are many students interested in theoretical subjects such as maths and philosophy, who choose to become scientists or scholars. Unfortunately, those people are few.  
  
In conclusion, i would argue that the advantages of universities applying functional skills and practical knowledge in their teaching programmes do outweigh the disadvantages.
Hi,  
I am pleased to read your essay.  
I just want to point out some mistakes in your passage because I am not a capable proofreader.  
  
As there are so ~~much~~ many changes ...  
  
... to acquire a ~~promissing~~ ~~occupation~~ promising occupations.  
... when recruiting ~~personel~~ personnels usually demand ...  
... they did not get ~~exposured~~ exposed to the real ...  
... universities ~~are facilitating~~ can help their students ...  
  
If a university ~~ultilize~~ utilizes new ...
Hi, I think your ideas are quite nicely developed, but there are a lot of things to address. First of all, keep in mind that all your paragraphs should consist of more than 3 sentences. Your introduction and conclusion are below this quota. Also, I think the third paragraph of the body is unnecessary since it doesn't support your overall idea, and the paragraph itself isn't a strong one in terms of idea or language. It's better to just cross it out and invest your time in bettering other paragraphs. Hope this is helpful.
Quan, in addition to what Tran pointed out above, I would like to offer you a reminder when writing a direct response essay. You are never to address anything in the discussion except the opinion that you agree with. That is the standard discussion requirements of a Task 2 essay unless otherwise specified. Since you included an under developed opposing discussion, you turned the direct response into a compare and contrast discussion, which will have a direct effect on your final TA score.  
  
It is also better to not count off the statements in your paragraph. This shows that you are not really confident of your discussions and you are trying to buy time in order to think of what to write. Instead of counting off, you should practice using transition sentences at the end of each paragraph. The transitions sentence should serve to introduce the next topic you will be discussing in the following paragraph. So the topic sentence sets up the discussion and introduction of the topic sentence which is located at the start of every paragraph.
**Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems**  
  
## life overseas may be a challenge for everyone

  
  
There is a belief that if an individual lives in an oversea country which has local people using different language from their mother tongue, they might have intense social and practical problems. In my personal opinion, I completely agree with this point for some reasons that will be describe in this essay.  
  
Firstly, he or she cannot understand clearly about local traditions and may do some mistakes because they have a problem to communicate with local people, especially if they do not communicate in local languages. It can make the person's life been difficult in that society. For instance, in Thailand, people raise their thumbs to others if they desire to commend the other people. However, this expression is very impolite in Australia. If one person from Thailand who cannot speak english moves to live in Australia intend to admire local people who help him by doing this denotation whether he knows or not. It can cause dissatisfaction to the neighbors and may have an impact on his social life in Australia.  
  
Secondly, the individual will have trouble finding work when they live in abroad if he or she is not good in local language. It is tough to be accepted from local companies. The person may start with unwell-paid employment such as a washer in somewhere restaurant or a cleaner in houses. If he or she desire to work in other careers that earn more money, the person should learn the local language to be fluent and that make he to spend much money which may be used it to improve his living in other way such as buying healthy food.  
  
In conclusion, I firmly agree with the belief that the person may have problems such as communication problems that affect the individual's social life or does not find good work if he or she lives in abroad that differs language.
Thewin, try to avoid using the same phrases in the prompt restatement as was used in the original. Your lexical resource and ability to express yourself originally in the English language is first judged in the opening paraphrase. In addition to that, you also must ensure that you avoid writing overly long sentences or run-ons, as you did in the opening paragraph. Remember that there is a 3 sentence minimum for each paragraph. So the proper prompt restatement for this is:  
  
*A foreigner residing in a different country from his own is believed to suffer several types of adjustment problems pertaining to culture and everyday interactions. This is because he would not be fluent in the native language of the country and as such, would be hindered in his dealings with the locals. I completely agree with this statement based on a few considerations.*  
  
When you divide your sentences into short presentations such as the one above, you have a chance to better explain yourself / make yourself understood because each sentence has only one topic / subject for discussion. However, when combined into the paragraph, it creates a complete thought process, which is the basis of the coherence and cohesiveness scoring for the essay. The short presentations also make it clear to the examiner that you not only understood what the topic is about, but also how to discuss it. This increases your TA score immensely as well.  
  
You definitely show a problem in sentence structure and grammar usage in your essay. For example, you cannot say :  
  
It can make the person's life been difficult in that society.  
Been connotes something that happened in the past yet you are talking about the present. Therefore, you will be scored down in the GRA section as well because of the improper sentence development. Not only that, but this paragraph in particular was extremely difficult to understand due to improper sentence structure, incoherent statements, and problematic grammar use. Therefore, this section of your essay alone is enough basis for you to not get a passing score for this test. The proper sentence presentation should have been:  
  
*It can make a person's life difficult in ...*  
  
BTW, the default gender in American writing is male the pronoun. So you can use "I, he, him" in reference to the gender. If you want to be gender non-specific though, you may use the terms "them, they" or not mention any gender at all. As an English beginner though, you will do best to stick to the male pronouns when writing. You can go into the more complex gender references as you improve your English writing skills.  
  
As for your conclusion. One run on sentence as presented above, though complete in summary of the discussion, will pull down your score because each topic for discussion must be presented in the summary as a stand alone sentence. This is considered to be another prompt paraphrase presentation so it should still follow the sentence requirement of 3-5 sentences per paragraph in order to garner a better overall scoring consideration.
## The well-being of a society is enhanced when many of its people question authority

  
  
Is it necessary for people questioning the authority? It depends on the characteristic of the authority. The more the authority represent will of people, the less questions people need to raise about the authority's activities.  
  
First of all, well-being of society is improved by questioning authority that doesn't have legitimacy. Because illegal authority normally doesn't try to improve lives of people. Their major concern is maintaining their power. In this situation, people cannot expect the authority would take responsibility of improving people's well-being. For example, Korean people protested authoritarian regime for their legitimate rights and well-being in the 1970s. They demand political rights such as making political parties and so on. Through struggles, they could gather people's attention on the problem and finally attained political democracy. Under the democratic political order, people's well-being was significantly improved comparing with that under authoritarian regime. Without their questioning the authority, their well-being could not be enhanced.  
  
Secondly, the authority could betray well-being of people even if it has legitimacy in some extent. Because the authority could be vulnerable to strong interest groups such as big business owners. Economical moguls can give enormous political funding to political power. Then the political power would be likely to represent not people's general will but will of several powerful persons. In this situation, people need to question the authority and enforce political power to represent their interests. Of course, the easier way of making politicians represent the general people's will is voting for alternative politicians. However, this strategy is not always effective. If we consider politicians and political parities under a democratic political system such as U.S., U.K., etc. we can know how the strategy is not enough for political power to represent general will of people. Questioning the authority and protesting for their well-being, they could gather people's attention and form public opinion that is favorable for alternative political power that represents people's well-being. For example, U.S. citizens succeeded in making major political power legislate regulation of excessive financial institutions after protests in the late 2000s.  
  
In the last place, people need to trust the authority and political process when political parties try to improve people's well-being. In this situation, raising excessive question to the authority could delay a proper compromise and consequence for enhancing people's well-being.  
  
In conclusion, questioning the authority is available to improve their well-being, which contributes to make political power represent people's general will insofar as it's not too excessive to delay the appropriate political process.
Jihun, the score for this GRE essay will not be higher than a 2 because you totally disregarded the discussion instructions. The aim of this essay is to have you provide a response that either agrees or disagrees with the statement you were provided. Since you were asked to agree or disagree with the statement and provide supporting reasons, as well as present counter arguments to weaken any opposing point of view, based on analytical reasoning, you did not properly develop the response essay. What should have been an analytical and logical analysis was instead written from a personal perspective / point of view. Which is not what the GRE test is all about.  
  
It is important that you provide a clear thesis statement based upon the given instructions in your opening statement. Since you neither agreed nor disagreed with the discussion points provided, and your reasoning was not aligned with the original prompt information, your whole response to the essay became irrelevant and seriously flawed.
Hi, your essay has some very interesting points that showcase your background knowledge upon this matter (if you're Korean, as I suppose, then this topic is especially relevant to you isn't it?). However, as Mary Rose said, your development is not as clear and objective as it should be, and will likely give the examiners a hard time reviewing your essay.  
  
That's why I think I'll propose my own approach to this question. I'm not an expert of any kind but I think this can be of helpful reference for you.  
  
First of all, I would rephrase the statement and claim that I fully agree with it (according to my experience, your essay always appears stronger and more straightforward at the start if you choose only one view).  
  
My first point would be: It is for the society's benefits that every single one of its member actively participate in the operation of their own community, and they can do so firstly by paying attention to the authority's work and speak out their inquiries. (I would develop this with reasons such as the authority might make mistakes, and they need opinions from people to make better decisions etc)  
  
After I develop that idea, the following one would be: It is not exceptional for governments to be corrupted and disregard the well-being of their people (true though, all governments are corrupted to some degree). Such cases are where the people's criticalness proves crucial as people need to realize the the authority's wrong-doings and stand up for their community. This is where the example of the Korean protest slips in, but I wouldn't make it more than 1 sentence long though.  
  
Then the counter-argument kicks in: Those disapproving this idea may argue that too much questioning towards the authority may create a toxic environment among the community, and that people need to have trust in their authority. However, this argument is invalid because the matter lies in the way people's "questioning" is carried out. This questioning could be in the form of friendly inquiries and constructive criticism, which in no way will create a toxic environment...  
  
And finally, I would conclude by summarizing my presented ideas.  
  
Hope this is helpful for you!  
  
And @Holt could you review this outline please? I'm afraid I might give some bad advice for the OP =))