dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
*108. Critical judgment of work in any given field has little value unless it comes from someone who is an expert in that field.*  
  
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.  
  
## the opinions of others is important

  
  
[My article]  
The importance of critical judgement has been laid more and more emphasis by the public. Not only do we have to treat others' work with a dubious point of view, but we should also spare no effort to check the evidence and assumptions behind it. I agree insofar as that the judgement often considered valuable when it comes from experts in given fields. Nonetheless, those from ordinary people are also worthy of attention.  
  
There is an old saying goes that when we use copper as a mirror, we can see ourselves clearly , when regarding people as a mirror, on the other hand, we are able to discover the advantages and disadvantages that we normally neglected. Accordingly, when a work is done, critical judgement from others is required to help us find out our defects as well as acquiring what we are good at.  
  
Experts are the ones who have been digging in the field for several years, and they often see things in different ways from pedestrian people. For example, when we practice writing issues and arguments of GRE, it is always our teachers that we seek for help , rather than our classmates. The reason lies in that we believe the teachers' experience can do benefit to us, while it is of less possibility that our classmates can help.  
  
However, is this absolutely true under all circumstances? In my opinion, it's not always the case. People with less experience might provide unique point of view, which has long been neglected by experts due to their habits. Take myself as an example. I majored pharmacy in college, and we often need to make slides and present clinical cases to classmates and teachers. After searching for related literature, I usually present to some of my classmates prior to the formal presentation. It's because the information in my slides is from experts in our field, but it is of greater importance that I deliver them in a clear way. Since the professors are so familiar with the topic that they might feel everything reasonable, I turn to colleagues for help under this condition.  
  
To sum up, I admit that critical judgement of work from the experts in that field is of great value. However, the opinion from other people cannot be neglected, since various kind of viewpoints may help us to construct a better work.
There is a lack of clarity in some sentences that tend to hinder the message of the writer the first time this essay is read. The first sentence of the first paragraph is the most confusing part of this essay. A clearer presentation of your opinion could have been:  
  
*The public seems to appreciate a point of view or opinion more when it comes from a professional in the field. However, there are instances when non-professional ideas should also be deemed acceptable. I believe that the ordinary man's thoughts should also be considered acceptable to a minimum degree.*  
  
There needs to be a clearer restatement of the topic, along with a more defined response to the degree requirement at the end of the first paragraph. After all, the whole discussion will be based on your introduction of the topic.  
  
You successfully presented your point of view with supporting statements in the essay. That said, you still need to work on clarity, cohesiveness, and coherence when you write your paragraphs. Clear sentence structures will help tremendously in that aspect.  
  
You also forgot to think about the opposing ideas and how you might be able to present your counter argument successfully. For every discussion you present, such as: "my peers will have more questions for me as opposed to the experts." the counter argument will be; "the expert can see the mistakes in your research and point it out to you." That was a counter argument you did not consider and defend based on your evidence. Remember, the instruction is to expect counter arguments to your presented reasons and defend your side.  
  
The GRE requires you analyze all aspects of a given discussion, this essay somewhat does that. I expect that you will remember to expect the need to prepare rebuttals in your next practice essay.
*IELTS TASK 2:*  
## Learning foreign languages in elementary school

  
  
Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?  
  
In recent years , the question of whether students should start to learn a foreign language at elementary school or secondary school has been receiving a great deal of public attention . Although this trend is not without disavantages , the upsides will be far more significant .  
  
There are a number of reasons why children should not be taught a new language at primary school . First , since students at these ages begin to be taught to use their mother tongue , learning two languages at the same time seems to be difficult , esspecially to these ages . In fact, their native language is a bridge between learners and new languages so it is challenge to children to learn a foreign language with no fundamental language . Second , as children in primary school begin to accustom to many subjects , they are likely to be over workload and even exhausted if they have to learn too much subjects simultaneously. This means that they will be afraid of school at the first time , which leads to bad results at school down the road.  
  
Nevertheless , people must acknowledge that this trend also has it own advantages . First , by learning a foreign language as children are in elementary school , they are more likely to use that language fluently than others. It is apparent that learning another language is a long-term process, if a foreign language is taught for children, they will as soon as have their own fundamental knowledge, which can be beneficial for them down the road to get insight into that language . Second , since nowadays more scholarships are offered for students all over the world, being bilingual soon can be a strong point for students . This means that preparing a foreign language for children in elementary school can help them have more chances in the future .  
  
In conclusion , although learning a foreign language in primary school seems to be difficult for children , its benefits down the road are more significant . By learning a foreign language at elementary school , children can easier to take a deep insight into it and have more opportunities.
I really Enjoy the Introduction Paragraph, You add multiple perspectives and put the problem on table, It is a good presentation, The consequent paragraphs are well linked and defend your "neutral" position at the beggining, however conclusion isnt strong enough ( at least for me) I believe that you should talk a little bit more about opportunitues onnthe third paragraph in order to add that final to the essay, Moreover at the end it seems like you take a "with" position about learning a second language, Hence you should make a little thread in the second paragraph, that could lead us to your conclusion position
The essay shows that you have a good understanding of the English language and you are able to explain yourself clearly in the language. However, you weakened your reasoning paragraphs by presenting 2 ideas per paragraph. One idea fully developed, one idea under developed in the presentation paragraph. The best way to score highly in the C&C section will be to focus on explaining on only one reason per paragraph. So in this case, discuss one pro and one con or vice versa. By fully explaining one idea within 3-5 sentences, you create a cohesive and coherent discussion point. You can easily transition to the next discussion using a transition sentence at the end, which would result in an increased GRA score for you as well. When you write the essay, remember that clarity will always help increase your overall score. You don't need several reasons, just one that you can clearly explain to the examiner. He'll appreciate it more and score you accordingly.
***Some of the methods used in advertising are unethical and unacceptable in today's society.***  
  
## To what extent do you agree with this view?

  
  
In the modern era, companies tend to use any methods so they can outperform the market. Advertising is one of the essential tools that companies use to promote their products; however, some advertisements use unethical content which is against the social norms. This essay will discuss the reasons why some companies create negative advertisements and why they are considered to be unacceptable.  
  
Firstly, many companies especially the new ones aim to position their brands in the customers' minds in any possible way whether it is acceptable or not. Some may attack certain religions so they can push people to talk about them. To illustrate, a company in Israel attacked Muslim women in their advertisements. although many people were angry at the company, it became popular not only in Israel but also all around the world. hence, in this pragmatic world, many businesses care about profits only and give no attention to important values such as respect and diversity.  
  
Secondly, some products offer solutions to specific problems. So marketers tend to exaggerate these problems making people feel bad about themselves and try their product. For example, a gym might promote its services by making fun of obese people in their advertisements. Moreover, sometimes such advertisements target kids which results in serious self-esteem problems for both adults and kids. These advertisements might achieve their goals but they would cause serious problems in societies.  
  
To conclude, advertisements must never hurt people's feelings or ignore social principles. Governments should monitor all advertisements before they are launched and define strict rules to keep advertising entertaining. As the public should not be annoyed by companies' competitions.
Hey Martinmirror, I don't know what your word count is like, but I do not feel that your ideas are very developed. One of your main points is somewhat contradicting.  
  
*To illustrate, ... it became popular not only in ...*  
  
I don't think popular is a good word choice for this sentence, maybe use something like infamous. Also think you have to stear away from negative advertisements like the religion one because it contradicts your point of how companies are able to gain profits from unethical ads. If the company ended up losing money from the ad, it is not a very good example. Maybe instead you can talk about something like greenwashing, where companies portray the false impression or provide misleading information about how they are more environmentally friendly. Because people often don't see through these, you can talk about how companies are able to take advantage of this.
This essay will automatically a failing score under the TA section. You have created your own discussion requirements as opposed to discussing the essay as per the instructions provided. Your error can be clearly seen in the following:  
  
*OP: To what extent do you agree with this view?  
YP: This essay will discuss the reasons why some companies create negative advertisements and why they are considered to be unacceptable.*  
  
The instruction is not asking you to discuss the reasons why company create negative advertisements. It asking you if you agree or disagree with the statement:  
  
*Some of the methods used in advertising are unethical and unacceptable in today's society.*  
  
Due to the error in your Task Achievement, it will be impossible for your essay to achieve a passing score for this discussion essay. Regardless of how well you did in the other sections. The TA is what matters the most because it fully reflects your English understanding abilities which, in this case, is proven to be faulty.
## trends in US meat and poultry consumption

  
  
The line graph compares the intake of meat and poultry in the US from 1995 to 2012.  
  
At first glance, it is noticeable that beef was the most popular type of meats over most of the time frame. However, the most dramatic increase was seen in the broiler consumption.  
  
In 1955, over 55 pounds of beef were consumed by the avreage American, compared to 15 pounds of broilers. Over the following two decades, both beef and broilers showed a similar pattern, with the amount of the former reaching its peak of 90 pounds per person in 1976. However, this advance was followed by a downfall as beef intakes fell to just above 50 pounds in 2012. Meanwhile, the figure for broilers witnessed a steady growth to a level of 55 pounds per capita in the final year, surpassed the amount of beef eaten and became the most favored type of meat.  
  
By contrast, the quantities of pork and turkey were quite stable throughout the period. The trend for pork consumption was downward with some mild fluctuations varying from 40 to 50 pounds before finishing the period at around 43 pounds every person, whereas the pork was the least popular meat as its statistic only remained round 10 pounds despite a slow growth in its intake.  
  
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While this presentation is good enough to help assess your English writing and comprehension abilities, you should have considered how you will make your comparisons more accurate for the reader. Since the chart shows that the comparisons are beef and pork, chicken and turkey, you should have done your comparison in the same manner. Compare meats by type otherwise, the information presentation does not make sense.  
  
Comparisons are done for similar, not different items. It is difficult to explain why you are comparing non-related items. It is better to do the comparison by pair or grouping. Therefore, the comparisons, though acceptable, would have made more sense if you had done the proper meat type comparisons, beef vs. pork, and turkey vs. chicken. It would have made for a far more interesting comparison discussion as well.  
  
Again, there are no wrong presentations for this essay. However, highlighting the discussions as per the prompt suggestions would help increase your TA score. It shows your ability to properly analyze and discuss the given chart in relation to implied discussion standards.
## cinema visitors' statistics in the uk

  
  
The chart presents the visitors' proportion in the UK cinema by age group from 1990 to 2010.  
  
Overall, visiting the UK cinema was more popular for elderly people rather than other age groups during the whole period, however, the proportion's gap among the four age group had been wider by the end of the period.  
  
Initially, the majority of cinema visitors in the UK was adults aged 44-54 and 34-44, accounting for 36% and 37% subsequently. It was uncommon for youngsters to watch cinema with around 14% of them falling to this category.  
  
Apart from the previous comparison, overall changes saw an upward trend with some fluctuations, and its lowest point stood in the year 2000. Another biggest change was that the gap for overall categories had been wider. Surprisingly, the UK cinema visitors' proportion was as the same as the initial year, even though much higher, where it was dominated by elderly people, leading at 51% people of the group while the gap between this group and people aged 34-44 had been larger, ending at 6% in 2010. The number of the UK cinema's visitor from adolescents and teenagers shared the same trend, falling by 5% and 3% respectively before increasing, and then this prevailed static in the end period with a wider gap compared to the initial period.  
  
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The summary overview is incomplete. It does not include the age group representation which is necessary to complete the overview. The summary should be at least 3 sentences long with the trending statement attached at the end for a more increased TA score.  
  
Your essay tends to use only long sentences instead of a balanced mix of long and short sentences. Such sentence presentations in each paragraph would help to increase the GRA score. The C&C score is also affected by the constant use of commas to connect various information in one sentence. You will score better if you use stand alone sentences instead of commas which are often indicative or run-on sentences. These affect the clarity of thought in your sentence presentations and could tend to confuse the reader. Don't be afraid to use up to 4 paragraphs for this essay for clarity sake.  
  
"Subsequently" means to occurring later or coming after. You meant to say "respectively" which refers to the order in which information is provided. Mistakes in vocabulary usage will lower your LR score. If you are not sure of the meaning of a word you want to use, then try to say what you mean in another way. Don't risk using the wrong term as even a single wrong word will deduct points from your final score.
***Topic:***  
## The graph below shows the quantities of goods transported in the UK between 1974 and 2002 by four different modes of transport.

  
  
The line graph compare four modes of transport in terms of the amounts of goods they conveyed in the UK from 1974 to 2002  
  
At first glance, it is noticeable that the quantities of goods transported by nearly all means of transport witnessed an increase over the time frame with the exception of rail. Also, road registered the highest amount of goods throughout the period.  
  
In 1974, about 70 million tonnes of goods were transported by road, compared to 39 million tonnes carried via waterways. While the trend for road was upward with some fluctuations and a mild growth to 95% in 2002, the good transport by water was consistently below 60 million tonnes until 1998, before rising to around 65 million tonnes in the final year.  
  
In the meantime, the initial quantity of goods conveyed through pipeline were 5 million tonnes. Over the following 8 years, there was an upsurge in its figure to 25%, followed a period of stability and then a downfall, falling back to 20 million tonnes. By contrast, the good conveyance via railways proved quite erratic, with its figure varying between 30 and 40 million tonnes over the timescale.  
  
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While this presentation covers most of the discussion points, the main problem that I see with this presentation is that all of the paragraphs fall under the classification of run-on sentences. That means, you do not show enough variety in your sentence structure to show that you have a good grasp of how to structure proper sentences in English. The lack of simple and complex sentence presentations means you are not considering the way that the reader will understand your presentation. Long sentences make for confusing discussion presentations. In this instance, you are trying to complete all of the information in one sentence. Use up to 5 sentences to properly present the sentences. What do you get in exchange for more sentences per paragraph? You will get increased LR, C&C, and GRA scores. All of which, when added to a proper information summary and trending sentence, will result in a passing score. At this point, your presentation will tend to lower your scoring consideration for all those other points.
## The Health Effects of Overweight

  
  
*Topic: In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing, and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. Do you agree or disagree?*  
  
While many people in poor countries are vastly underweight as a result of poverty, others are suffering from another problem - obesity, as a consequence of improved living conditions. A recent research has shown that the latter problem has become an epidemic, as obese people increase alarmingly. Personally, I believe that there are several factors responsible for this increase.  
  
The first reason is the poor diet. Nowadays, as people face fierce competition and suffer from high pressure, they have to devote more time and energy to their work. Consequently, fast food has been gaining in popularity at an amazing rate. Although it is time-saving, fast food lacks nutritive value. Moreover, some researches reveal that consuming to much fast food will result in an excessive intake of calories, salt and sugar, which contribute much to being overweight.  
  
There is not only a question about what we eat, but also a matter of lifestyles. TV and the internet have produced a sedentary lifestyle. In other words, those who watch TV passively or spend hours every day using computers simply do not get enough physical exercise. Besides, it is no denying that people more and more rely on private cars or motorbikes but ignoring walking and using bicycles. This tendency leads to the lack of activities which obviously linked to obesity.  
  
In view of the seriousness of the problem, effective measures must be taken before things get worse. In the first place, a proper diet consisting of more vetgetable and fewer fatty foods may assist. In the second place, it is of great importance that people participate in different sports including swimming, running and cycling.
There are 2 problems points in your presentation as I see it. The introduction paraphrase and the concluding statement. Your paraphrase does not exist. Which means you will get a low TA score. Rather than paraphrasing the topic for discussion, you began the discussion at that point. You did not introduce the topic as expected. You are not to begin the discussion in the first paragraph because that is only meant for the paraphrase. With only 5 sentences maximum per paragraph, there is not enough room for you to present the paraphrase and a proper reasoning discussion right from the start.  
  
The essay also asks you to merely agree or disagree with the presentation. Your concluding paragraph offered solutions to the problem instead, causing an open-ended essay. You were never asked to suggest solutions to the problem. Therefore, your TA score will not be under a high bracket. Why? You clearly show an inability to understand the discussion requirements so points will be deducted accordingly. The good news is that you have strong reasoning presentations in the body paragraphs. That should help increase the overall score a bit. There will still be marked deductions in the TA section though, which can heavily lower your final score.
## goods transported in the UK

  
  
**The graph below shows the quantities of goods transported in the UK between 1974 and 2002 by four different modes of transport. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
The presented graph compares four types of transport in terms of the amount of goods transported by each type in the United Kingdome from 1974 to 2002. Overall, it is clear that the most quantity of goods was transported by roads, while the lowest one was transported by pipelines.  
  
The number of goods transported by water and rail was nearly 40 million tonnes from 1974 to 1978. After that, the figures for goods transported by mail registered a fluctuation until it reached almost 41 million tonnes in 2002. However, the count of goods transported by water had increased to almost 55 million tonnes in 1981. Later, it remained almost constant until 1998, when it decreased slightly before reaching its peak at 65 million tonnes in 2002.  
  
Merchandise transferred by road accounted for the highest number all over the given period. Since the number was 70 million tonnes in 1974, then it showed some slight fluctuations until it almost reached 90 million tonnes in 2002. Conversely, merchandise that was moved by pipeline continued to have the lowest number with almost 1 million tonnes in 1974. After that, it showed an impressive increase as it reached nearly 22 million tonnes in 1995 and remained stable with this figure until 2002.  
  
*