dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## eating chicken vs beef

  
  
**The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004.  
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
The graph compares the difference of consumption among chicken beef lamb and fish in a European country between 1979 and 2004.  
According to the graph,in 1979 the consumption of beef was almost 230 grams per person per week,which was the highest among the four kinds of meat.In the meantime, the consumption of chicken and lamb were almost the same with each other in 1979(approximately 150 grams per person per week).The consumption of fish was the lowest which was probably 60 grams per person per week.  
  
The consumption of fish barely changed during the twenty-five years,while the consumption of chicken has rose sharply to 250 grams per person per week in 2004.The consumption of beef and lamb dropped significant to 100 and 70 grams per person per week respectively in 2004.  
  
We can also see from the graph that before 1990 the consumption of beef was higher than chicken.After 1990 the situation had changed.Moreover,in 1990 the consumption of lamb was dropped to 60 grams,almost as low as the consumption of fish.  
  
In conclusion,people in the European country enjoyed eating chicken and beef between 1979 to 2004.  
  
*
Hi Jessie. Listen, there is actually a proper format to be followed for the opening presentation of a Task 1 essay. You don't normally jump into the analytical discussion right off the bat. There has to be a basis for the discussion presentation. You need an outline for the reader to use as a guide. The suggestion, and this is something you can choose to follow or not, is that you write the first paragraph this way:  
  
1. Present the topic for discussion  
2. Present the measurement unit used  
3. Indicate the inclusive years or other related information in terms of information gathering  
4. Present the trend (if required or possible)  
5. Present the discussion instruction as the thesis statement.  
  
Now, while the concluding statement is an optional part of the Task1 essay, a complete paragraph presentation is a requirement for each discussion presentation. That means, your presentation is short on the number of required sentences. Try to present at least 3 sentences per paragraph. Don't use connected thought presentations as that lessens your ability to show off your sentence development skills.  
  
Your analysis will also be better appreciated if you take the time to write more information in the essay. Look for cross reference points and similarities in the chart for your presentation. Be intricate. That results in a better and more complete presentation. There were times in this graph when chicken and beef crossed each other in the graph, that meant there was a point when the consumption was equal. That was not presented in the paper. Therefore, your comparison portion of the essay is not completely represented.
**Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matter that affect them.  
  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.**  
  
## giving freedom to your children

  
  
In today's world, we overcome obstacles on a daily basis. It is important to learn how to make important decisions for everyone. Nevertheless, there are people who think that if we give children the freedom to choose what to eat or what to wear, etc. , they become selfish. On the contrary, some people believe that it is necessary for children to make decisions about his/her actions. Two points of views shall be discussed. In addition, also my idea will be presented.  
  
On one hand, there are a group of peoples that think giving freedom of choice to children will be bad for the future of them. Because there will be a lot of persons in the society that doesn't respect others opinion and only care about their own feeling. For example, one of my friends has a child who only sits by himself at the parties and doesn't lend his toys to other kids, and cries if a person tries to touch them to play with him.  
  
On the other hand, nowadays also of people think it is great to teach kids how to make a decision, it makes them independent which is a very good characteristic. They think it makes them ready for future life. For example, while I was growing up, there were many kids in my age that have the freedom to do what they want, and they turned out fine.  
  
Lastly, in my opinion, it is crucial for children to learn how to make decisions. Becuase if they do not know, this will hunt them for the rest of their life. I have always admired my mother's attitude toward me. I was free to make a decision. But if it was wrong, she tried to talk me out of it or support me through the process to see the consequences myself.  
  
In conclusion, two types of thinking were discussed it my essay, and in the fourth paragraph, I presented my own thoughts on the subject. Overall it does not matter if you are scared to give freedom to your children, because it is also important to think about his/her future and believing that, your kid is capable of doing anything as long as he/she has your support.  
  
(378 Words)
Just\_writer, hi please see below  
  
**Overall comments:**  
1. I recommend to avoid these types of sentences in the last part of the introduction: **Two points of views shall be discussed. In addition, also my idea will be presented.** They are rather mechanical and represent little interest both to the reader and to the examiner. I believe it would be better to present your opinion on whether you agree or disagree straightaway. You may use something like " While both opinions have solid grounds, I believe we have to allow children to make their own decisions independently".  
  
2. You have a great structure. This is a huge plus. I feel your example in the first body paragraph does not relate to the argument. The link between the child not sharing his toys and not allowing him to make his decisions is not obvious. You should make this connection clear. Same is true with regard to your own example in the second body paragraph. "turned out fine" is rather a generalist conclusion. Examples should be more specific.  
  
3. In the conclusion you used the same structure as in the last sentences of your introduction. Please remove them and add something that is unique and interesting. And it is the conclusion where you need to reiterate your opinion on the topic (which is from what I understand "it is crucial for children to make decisions". The last sentence of the essay might begin with "I strongly believe that parents should not deprive their children of the opportunity to make their own decisions, however they have to support them".
You have properly represented the requirements of the Task Accuracy section of scoring. There is a clear representation of your understanding of the prompt requirements in line with the topic discussion presentation. Your outline, as required by the essay, is accurate and helpful in representing the upcoming discussion. So you can expect to get a decent score in that section for your presentation. Believe me when I tell this because I have been advising successful test takers at this forum for a number of years now. You can definitely take my word for it when I advice you regarding improvements to your essay development skills.  
  
The essay that you have written is actually very strong. In terms of presentation, your discussion considers all sides of the discussion and gives you the opportunity to fully develop the presentation. While some presentations, like the about the neighbors child is not fully developed, the reader tends to understand what it is that you are trying to say. You could safely say that there is very little stress on the part of the reader because your presentation is simple enough to be understood.  
  
I applaud you for knowing that you need to separate your opinion discussion from the concluding statement. Also, that you know well enough to not present it at the end of the opening statement of the IELTS test. You have written this essay by the book and it has helped you create an acceptable and passable essay. There are a number of problems with your essay though that relate to vocabulary (spelling) and word usage. One important reminder though, do not use the abbreviation "etc." in your essay. That is only used in informal English writing. Not in academic writing like this essay requires.  
  
In the essay, you misspelled the words "because" and you also used it to start a sentence. As a connecting word, "Because" should never be used to start a sentence as there is no though process to connect at the start of a sentence.  
  
Problem with the conclusion. You still continued the discussion after summarizing the presentation of facts from the essay. A conclusion should do just that, end a conversation. It is not meant to allow you to have an additional avenue to present more information. You don't have the time nor sentence count to do that in the conclusion. Please avoid doing that with your future essays in order to increase your scoring considerations.
**The diagram below shows how geothermal energy is used to produce electricity.  
  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
## generating electrical power with the help of geothermal energy

  
  
The diagram presents the process of generating electricity from geothermal energy in a power plant. I will walk through the steps that take to convert cold water to electricity. There are 3 main stages. First, changing cold water to steam, second, power the tubing with the steam, and lastly, the generator produces electricity.  
  
Firstly, the cold water pumped down 4.5 km distance into the earth, after that with the help of injection well, the water goes to the geothermal zone that heats up the water using hot rocks. Furthermore, with the help of production well, the hot water will be pumped up to the condenser, where the steam from the water is held.  
  
Secondly, the turbine continues its circular movement with the help of the steam. Lastly, the generator uses the energy from the turbine to produce electricity.  
  
In conclusion, the diagram demonstrated the process of generating electrical power with the help of geothermal energy, and what it takes from using cold water in power plants to using the electrical power in our homes.  
  
(172 Words)  
  
*
Your essay is not effective in reflecting the C&C and GRA considerations of your essay. All of your paragraphs are composed of run on sentences. You have a tendency to simply connect your explanations through the use of commas. That reduces the coherence and cohesiveness of your presentation. That is why you must use periods rather than commas in the writing of your paragraphs. It is better to have interconnected sentences than interconnected thought presentations. You score better in the GRA and C&C section when you do that.  
  
The aim of the essay must not be to write just enough words to make the minimum requirement. The aim is to present an essay that has enough words to prove that you are capable of writing complete English sentences in a manner that utilizes appropriate vocabulary and sentence development procedures. Make sure that complete paragraphs are presented because the 3-5 sentence requirement allows you to develop and present the appropriate English skills in written form.
## Wrting Task 2. Control Media

  
  
**Whoever controls the media also controls opinions and attitudes of the people and there is little can be done to rectify this.  
To what extend do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Over recent years the number of using media keep increase as the essential thing of human being. It is pretty evident that the media plays an important thing in society's life. However, a discourse for make any regulation by manage opinion has been concerned on many people. It is interested to examine this idea.  
  
It can not be denied that the use of media already influent denizen in many perspective of their life. Admittedly it can be affected the way people think and act. For these case, government already provide regulation by the use of those media to make balance between right and responsible. Due to the fact that people are not allow to respond many thing in the free way. For instance, inhabitant can not post the thing such a negative thing that can lead to the schism, it is good that the way people give comment will be more polite that can make the word much more valuable.  
  
However, every people need information from others to make compare in some of the thing. It is important because those people can manage what they desire. For example, in advertising side costumer will not believe directly in the picture by what they want to buy. They need some of opinion by other people who already know about their product. Despite the fact that people seldom use a negative word to give any comment in one product.  
  
To conclude, it is already discuss two perspective about an issue which is about management idea. I personally believe that control media by the government already exist and society also should support it by use the media properly.
Hi Ummu, I'm sorry, but your writing is very difficult to understand. You have so many grammar and usage errors that it is hard for me to even know what you are trying to say. From the little that I do understand, it sounds like you are off topic on this essay. The prompt is talking about controlling the opinions of the people, but your essay seems to talk about whether the media is properly controlled. I think maybe your third paragraph is talking about how people are not controlled by advertising, so that is a little more on target, but as I said before, these sentences are very hard for me to figure out.
Umu, here is what I took from an analysis of your essay presentation. You did understand what the prompt is asking you to discuss. The problem, is that you do not even have a basic knowledge of the English language upon which you could have built a simple discussion of the essay topic. Knowing this, you did the next best thing, you used an online translator to respond to the essay. You typed in your native tongue then had the translator do the work of turning your mother tongue into the English language. Which is why you have the worst kind of presentation possible for your essay staring at us now. Based on this presentation, I would say that your score would be broken down as follows:  
  
TA - 2 - You tried to present some ideas but had no idea how to develop the statement  
C&C - 1 - You failed to convey any message in your statements.  
LR - 2 - You show no control over word formation  
GRA - 3 - You attempt to form sentences but there is no meaning behind the developed sentence presentation.  
  
Your overall score will not be higher than a 2. This is a failed attempt at Task 2 essay writing.
hi Ummu, glad to read your essay. your essay is not bad, you wrote more than 250 words and sometimes you used well tenses. on the other hand you have mistakes such as :  
  
- It is **interested**to examine this idea (interesting)  
- in the free way (you have to write "freeway", I think merely miswritten)  
- concerned on (concerned with)  
- and others.  
the last in your conclusion, make it vivid I mean your conclusion has to describe all your essay.  
  
I hope it helps
Hi all,  
  
Please feel free to comment my writing for this prompt:  
**Many people believe that international tourism is a bad thing for their country. What are the reasons? Solutions to change negative attitudes.**  
  
## International tourism

  
  
There is a concern that international tourism brings negative consequences for visited countries. This essay will analyze several reasons for this belief and suggest the solutions that could be carried out to improve the situation.  
  
One possible cause of the problem is that foreign tourists may accidentally spead severe diseases into the country they visit. A typical example is H1N1 flu virus, which is dangerously spreat due to the travelling of people around the world. Moreover, since the political situation is not quite secured, tourism can be used as a tool for making terrorist attacks. As a result, the security of that country will be threatened. Another reason why international tourism is not a good thing is that the government may too focus on the development of this industry that they take less care of the enviroment. For instance, natural lands are being turned into hotels, resorts and villas as well as forests and oceans are polluted with the garbages left by tourists.  
  
An obvious solution for the government to solve the problem is to tighten security and health controls at airports and docks. The second solution is that the authorities and the government should have policies to limit the amount of garbarge coming from the foreigners. For example, the campains of collecting rubbish on the beach should be held with the participation of foreign visitors. In addition, international tourists must be provided information about traditions and customs of their destination through holiday brochure to help them understand and have right behaviors.  
  
In conclusion, international tourism brings many benefits related to economical development. However, it also causes problems regarding infectious diseases, threatened security and polluted enviroment. The government should take both sides into consideration so that the citizens can be satisfied.  
  
Thank you so much!
Linh, I admire the effort that you placed into writing this essay. It is analytical and does it best to create a knowledgeable image for you on screen. However, there are a number of mistakes in your discussion development that did not affect the message of the essay but unfortunately still ended up being points deductions because it created errors in your presentation.  
  
For starters, the standard format for all the paragraphs is a minimum of 3 sentences per paragraph. It can never only be 2 sentences. When you write 2 sentences as you did in the opening statement, you will lose C&C as well as TA points. A typical representation of a 3 sentence opening paragraph is as follows:  
  
*There are a number of people in the world that have this idea that international tourism is not a good thing for any country. These people have based this belief on several ideas, two of which, will be discussed in this essay. I hope to be able to propose movements at the end of this essay, that will help to remove this negative belief about international tourism.*  
  
If you avoid creating long sentences, you will easily meet the minimum sentence requirement per paragraph. Don't write more than 5 sentences per paragraph though, that is another violation of the aforementioned rules. So its minimum of 3 , maximum of 5 sentences. Remember that.  
  
It would be best for your essay if you discuss one topic per paragraph in order to create a more coherent and cohesive paragraph that will best show off your English writing skills. The content of each paragraph should be as follows:  
  
1. Topic sentence  
2. Supporting discussion  
3. Proposed solution  
  
The above suggested format meets the minimum requirement per paragraph and offers you a chance to truly develop your discussion of a particular topic. You are being judged in the accuracy and completeness of each paragraph, not on the number of information you can provide per paragraph. So the better you explain yourself, the higher your score will be. If you read your current work, you will find that all of your presentations are not accurately explained to the reader. This will again, affect your C&C score in the final tally.  
  
Since there is a minimum 3 paragraph requirement per essay, it is up to you if you want to write 3, 4, or 5 paragraphs for the given topic. If you find you have very little to say, then do your best to write an effective 3 paragraph essay. However, a 4 paragraph essay is normally what brings in the passing score in most instances.
hello, glad to read your essay. you wrote more than 250 words and you used well grammar but you have mistakes in your essay. for the first stage, your introduction you have to make it vivid, because in your introduction has to describe your all essay. and then you have to make at least 3 sentences for one paragraph actually. secondly, in your conclusion make it can delegate for all your essay and give a suggestion from it.  
  
I hope it helps.
## library's experience

  
  
I went through the big doors of our library, which were new to me. As I walk in, I felt the carpet that was made thick but comfy. This made the people deaf for not hearing my footsteps.The wooden furnitures with different purposes are the first things you'll see when entering. The big windows let the light enter which then make it easier for students to read. The librarian was so busy, probably listing the names of the books. The students have their own groups. Some are not reading but are just sleeping, listening to music, and talking with each other. The books are arranged into two sections, the fiction and non-fiction.The former are arranged alphabetically, while the latter are arranged according to the "Dewey Decimal System".  
  
Please help me to edit this composition and also making it more beautiful.Thanks!
Sam, here is a sample of how you can improve the grammar and presentation of your statement. I hope you can use it to model your own original work after. Good luck with your grammar and usage practice essay. Actually what you wrote was not bad. It just wasn't imaginative / creative enough for the required title / prompt.  
  
*Walking through the enormous library doors for the first time, the carpet felt thick under my feet. Thick, but soft, it made me feel comfortable as I stepped into the room. The carpet wasn't there for comfort though, it was there to muffle the footsteps of people in the library. After all, silence was of the utmost importance in this hall of study, where dedicated and devoted students hung out after classes in order to continue their studious manners. The wooden furniture caught my eyes along with the wide windows that allowed natural lighting into the room, making it easier for students to read their materials. I noticed the librarian was busy, perhaps jotting down important library business. I noticed that the students were divided into groups, funny enough, they were not studying but sleeping, listening to music, or chatting in low voices. As I walked the library halls to familiarize myself with the room, I noticed that the books were divided into fiction and non-fiction sections, in an alphabetical manner, using the "Dewey Decimal System". As I came across a group of students, one of them, who was in my English class waved to me, asking me to join them and relax while studying. I did not need much coaxing to join them. I was happy to hang out with my schoolmates after class.*