dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
I think your essay is good overall, but I think you should put clearer examples in two paragraphs in the middle. And I do not know what do you mean but in the first paragraph of the middle, you say "  
  
By way of illustrations, a variety of local businesses, such as hotels, restaurants will benefit from the increasing number of foreign travelers. Also, more job opportunities will be created, which will help to solve the question of unemployment." It does not concern anything about your second idea.
## living in a large city or in a small town

  
  
Nowadays, young people tend to focus on big cities to live and work. The difference in population density ratio between urban and rural areas is very high. This has resulted in the creation of many mega cities over 1000 people/km2. Why do big cities have such a special attraction?  
  
The first main reason definitely is convenience in public transportation system. In big cities, there are many bus stops and train stations in streets. The fees are cheap for people who don't afford to buy private vehicles to use. People can save money to spend on other things such as: buying houses, shopping, learning to improve themselves,... Moreover, public transportation system is safe enough for student to go to school without parents, so they can save time to do housework or any else.  
  
The another main reason that living in a large city is good is many kinds of entertainments for people to relax after hard working or studying. There are a lot of shopping centres and supermarket which can satisfy their shopping pasion. In this centres, various goods appear and are refilled everyday. Furthermore, people can join a lot of other activities such as: going to parks, going to cinemas, going to gym centres, .... They also hang out together in famous restaurant at weekend. It is interesting for young people to reduce stress.  
  
The final main reason is highly quality of life in large city. Because of development in finances of big cities, the government built many modern facilities such as: school or universities, hospitals, governments agencies, companies... People can access to fascinating job opportunities and the best educations. Children are studied in a good condition and have many dynamic environments to improve themselves.  
  
In conclusion, although living in a large city has some disadvantages, with these main reasons, this is still a good choice. However, more and more people move from rural to urban areas. We need to have some solutions to control this situation and we should join hands for better life.
Hmmm... Are you writing this essay in response to a Task 2 IELTS test? Or are you just writing an English exercise based on word familiarization? I am currently uncertain as to how to approach the review of your work because of the confusion as to the purpose of your writing. Kindly refer us to the original prompt next time and identify if this is for an English test so that the proper approach to reviewing your work can be done.  
  
If you are writing a Task 2 essay, you do not need to use researched information such as the number of people per square mile in a mega-city. Nor do you need to pose a question at the end of the paraphrase. You just need to restate the topic and the discussion instruction. However, if you are writing an English exercise, then, good work on producing relevant researched information.  
  
A research paper should be over 250 words. A Task 2 essay, needs to be between 275-290 words for maximum scoring potential. 250 is the bare word minimum. Adjust your presentation accordingly, depending upon which type of essay you are trying to present.  
  
Be careful of your spelling. The word is spelled "passion" not "pasion". When referring to a daily activity, use the description "every day", 2 words, not one. You cannot use ellipses after a comma. You must use only one applicable punctuation mark at a time. In academic writing, students are advised not to use ellipses. These are more often used to connote emotions in creative writing instead.  
  
Contractions are a big no-no in both academic and Task 2 writing styles. You know what I mean, don't = do not. Use formal English references at all times in a show of respect to your reader. Hence, hang out = spend time There are actually more errors to point out but I am already running too long with this piece of advice so I have to cut myself off here. I hope you can appreciate that advice I have given you. I look forward to reading your next paper, this time with the proper identification and/or prompt requirements for a more proper review.
## Students decide what they want to learn

  
  
Nowadays, the question of whether students should get themselves to decide what they want to learn or to be forced into useful subject at university has been a great deal of public attention. I believe that learner should make their choice to study courses.  
  
First, there are various good reasons why people study subjects that will be helpful for their future. Since to be trained in about specialized knowledge like science, technology, medical at university, students can be able to find a good career path, high salaries as well as improve quality of life after graduated. This mean, they can apply their understanding helping community in real life. Second, by making effort to lean subjects related to science and technology, students would invent more modern equipments such as smartphone, subway making life easier and more convenient.  
  
On the other hand, in my view, students should make decision on choosing courses of their choice. If they learn about what they want to do in the future like art, music, they will be success. This mean, when someone effort to pursue their passion, they improve creative thinking skills and work productivity.  
  
In conclusion, although it might seem sensible for universities to focus only on the most useful subjects, I personally prefer the current system in which people have the right to study whatever they like.
This is a comparative discussion with a personal opinion essay. The one thing this is not is a personal opinion alone essay. Since you have already made that discussion topic mistake, your essay will receive points deductions for being only partially responsive to the prompt. It will receive additional points deductions for being under the minimum word count (223 out of 250 words) and, will also receive appropriate word count deductions representative of the missing discussion requirements. Based on these problems with the task presentation alone, it will be safe to say that this is not a 5 band score essay. You need to make sure that you meet the minimum word count and also, discuss the essay in the required format. The format for the discussion is always indicated after the discussion question is posed in this presentation, the discussion format was:  
  
*Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.*  
  
It will be in your best interest to read the other sample essays here first. Familiarize yourself with the various discussion formats for the Task 2 essay. Make sure you understand how the presentation format is expected be represented in your paper. Make sure you understand the different types of discussion formats before you write another practice test.
**Task 2:** *## ADVERTISEMENTS ARE BECOMING MORE AND MORE COMMON IN OUR EVERYDAY LIFE.

  
DO YOU THINK IT IS A POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE DEVELOPMENT?*  
  
There is a substantial amount of advertisements amongst the globalizing society as if they are turning to be a regular basis. Notwithstanding the fact that it can consist of both the merits and demerits, I would say the advertising projects are doing great jobs by looking at their original targets. This essay will take the beneficial elements and the drawbacks of advertisements into detailed considerations.  
  
On the first hand, publicity campaigns have fulfilled their prestigious missions up until now. There is no doubt that those organizations using the innovating methods to approach their consumers have witnessed a significant surge of interest and reputations. Conversely, consumers also gain many advantages to their buying habits. For instance, a person can find his or her product of the finest quality based on the marketing campaign of a trustworthy provider. In return, that retailer will have more people using their products and services, hence that company can smoothly strengthen its value and create more profits. Advertisements can play a crucial role in connecting the consumers and spread out useful pieces of information.  
  
However, due to the tremendous quantity of advertisements, people can be easily misguided by fake information. Spectacular words and colorful images on a commercial project have no difficulties in catching peoples' attention, therefore, those people can be abused or tricked to pay for unnecessary products or poor qualified manufacturing outcomes. That unspeakable misdirection must not be accepted and has to be boycotted at all costs.  
  
In general, advertising campaigns are created in order to influence the commercial transactions of the society and further develop the wealth of people. But every wellbeing must pay attention not to be exploited.
The discussion approach for this essay is a single opinion based defense of your opinion. That means, you respond to the question by choosing one opinion to defend. You do not need to compare the pros and cons because the essay is asking you to make a specific decision. Either you view this as a positive OR negative development. You cannot view it as both. Since you are not being asked to do a comparison discussion, a clear stand on the given topic must be made. Otherwise, you will score no higher than a 2 in the TA section based on not having a clear opinion on the topic. As such, you will pull down your overall scoring potential. It isn't wise to change the discussion parameters by doing a comparative discussion when the instructions clearly state that you must pick one side only to present as your discussion basis in the 2 reasoning paragraphs of your opinion essay.
## Environment, human life and government's role

  
  
please mention to any mistakes regarding the grammer , vocublary or sentence structure ?  
  
Governments should spend as much as possible on protecting environments, and adequate money should also be spent on other things such as education and health care.  
  
Protection of the environment has become more urgent nowadays than before, noting other changes such as climate change and other natural disasters where a person cannot abolish such damage, but only reducing it. Therefore, the protection of environments must be our top priority, in addition to the importance of education and health care because educated and healthy people will be a good investment because they will protect the environment instead of destroying it, so there is a great responsibility on the people and governments to help in this cause.  
  
The government should educate people to be environmentally friendly , encourage them to use the recycling of paper, glass and other products by giving them incentives, reusing jars , using biodegradable packaging, applying heavy fines to factories that produce more smoke by burning fossils or discharging their waste in the wrong way , working to grow more Trees to absorb carbon dioxide from the air, establish a stricter rule for people who cut down trees and keep the green belt around the city clear of buildings to prevent deforestation and encourage people to use upgraded cars and impose taxes and also prevent bad models from taking a license .  
  
cooperate with environmentalists and give them the support and funds to involve more people in conversation programs to safeguard more forests and hold more summits to increase the people awareness.  
  
with more government help and people awareness to control their natural behavior we could reduce the damage a little bit and save millions of people around the world from dying from expecting drought and flooding affected by human damages and pollution and save millions of tree and many endangered species and this cause should be a first priority for all human-being.
This writing is a combination of 2 different Task 2 essay topics. As such, it will be difficult to review it for proper discussion approach and paragraph content. So I will do as you asked and simply limit my review to your grammar issues. Next time, please provide the original prompt along with your discussion for a more accurate review of your work.  
  
For a task 2 essay, you should be writing only 275-290 words. That is the ideal number of words to write within 40 minutes. Any more than that and you are risking one of two things: (1) not finishing the essay on time and scoring low because of it or , (2) not being able to review, revise, and edit the essay for a higher possible overall score. Either way would mean a bad result for your final score.  
  
Remember that your paragraphs will be considered incomplete and representing a run-on sentence, not a complex sentence, when you have less than 3 sentences presented. In this case, your opening paraphrase is a run-on sentence. Based on what you wrote, it would have easily met the 3 sentence requirement for simple and complex sentences if you had only separated the presentations into single sentences instead of one long sentence. Upon further review, your presentation did not improve throughout the essay, the same mistake exists in every "paragraph" presentation.  
  
You have punctuation errors in the presentation as well. Do not place a period within the middle of a sentence. A period indicates the end of a sentence and the start of another one. The word after a period is always capitalized. You made that error in this essay at least twice.
## good degrees equal a good job

  
  
For the time being modernised, having a sustainable work is really important for everyone when dealing with job market especially these guarantees. Therefore, many people believe that if guarantees want to have good job, they certainly need to finish their course in university. However, there is also a slight disagreement that it isn't very essential because some fields do not need university's degrees. In my opinion, it is really vital for guarantees to attend university and earn degrees because of its benefits.  
  
Firstly, there is a variety of job which require students to have certifications and specific knowledge such as: doctors, nurses, police.....If they choose one of those, it means they will try their best to study at university and finish perfectly to receive degrees. Guarantees can't learn those by themselves at home or work outside to accumulate experience. In this case, they certainly get many troubles because nobody can hire an untechnical doctor or engineer to work. What if, there is a range of serious results that declines the development of society dramatically.  
  
Secondly, having degrees is actually important for everyone to get the jobs. As we know, there are many companies built with a view to developing significantly ever overpowering market in status quo. Unsurprisingly, they certainly require guarantees to have full of degrees when applying to. For example, high language proficiency level is really vital when working in language's field or programming and controlling computer skills for information technology field. In this case, having many good degrees is the only way that helps students to prove that they have ability and mandatory skills to take over this job. As a result, their promoting chance won't be out of reach and not only do they work in a company but they also receive many offers of other companies.  
  
Thirdly, starting work after school is quite risky and challenging. The job's chance is really limited because they can just become mechanic or business workers and something like that. However, if they don't finish their job well, they won't make any progress, seriously, having difficulties in ensuring their income to support their life. Nevertheless, we can deny that there are many people who have a lot of valuable skills without any degrees become unexpectedly successful. They are so extraordinary but they are minority of people who don't attend universities. How about us? What if when we belong to the rest.  
  
In short, earning degrees is absolutely essential for guarantees when living in this modern age. Therefore, it wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that "good degrees" means "having good chance to get good jobs"
Do you actually think that you can write 434 words during the actual test? Did you even bother to set the timer when you started this practice test to make sure you could write a proper essay with proof reading, editing, and content finalization within 40 minutes? Or, did you just decide to keep writing, not considering the required writing parameters for this essay? You were given information about the time limit for a reason, you were given a reasoning paragraph discussion outline for a purpose, both of which you disregarded in relation to this essay presentation.  
  
You did not discuss the essay in the required format for the reasoning paragraphs:  
- Need college to get a good job  
- Don't need college to get a good job  
- Personal opinion  
  
I know, you will say, "I did just that!" and, I will not contradict you. However, you did just that, based on your personal opinion, rather than a public point of view comparison discussion. Why did you end up making that mistake? Well, when you decided that you would present a personal opinion as the last sentence in the paraphrase paragraph, which is a no-no, you forced yourself to make that error in the discussion format. So what format should the discussion have been in? Definitely not a numerical paragraph listing. It should have used POV reference words as topic sentence openers in the paragraphs. That means the discussion format should have been:  
  
*Based on an analysis of the reasons why people support the discussion that a college degree will result in a good job for the graduate, it appears that...Traditionally...  
  
However, there are non-college graduates who have been successful in getting jobs based on their own merits or skills. People such as ... are not college graduates and yet... That is why they advocate...  
  
Comparing both the aforementioned reasons, I have been led to support the point of view that... From my personal observations...*  
  
Remember, you cannot present a point of view at the start since you have not done a comparison discussion of the two public points of view yet. The formula for this writing is:  
  
POV 1 + POV2 = Analysis of the discussion topic  
Analysis + Personal knowledge = Personal opinion
## Moving industries into rural area

  
  
**Task 2** : *In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities.  
Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?*  
  
By virtue of massive industrialization, a myriad of businesses and firms are being set up all over the world. As a matter of fact, in recent decades, many governors have established deliberate policies to encourage these to relocate from metropolitans to regional areas. Although this phenomenon has some drawbacks, I believe that it would bring more benefits to not only employees but also those nations.  
  
On the one hand, relocating businesses and firms to regional area does have some negative effects. One of them is the lack of availability of skilled workers fitting the job description. In fact, most of labor in these areas only have experience in agriculture-related work, meanwhile, employees in the city of often have experience with industrial working environments. The other disadvantage is companies based in regional areas are further from their clients, providers and other contacts. Therefore, the transportation process would cost more expenditure required, resulting in higher price of products.  
  
On the other hand, the cons as discussed above are eclipsed by the pros. Despite higher transportation costs, businesses can take advantage of lower price required to set up big factories on the outskirts. Furthermore, in the domain of urban planning, this trend would help to attract labor from overcrowded metropolitans, balancing the proportion of urban residents and rural ones as well as well as alleviating environmental problems. In addition, this relocating process would provide thousands of jobs for citizens, reducing the unemployment rate of the countries.  
  
In conclusion, in spite of the lack of effective workers and higher transportation costs, moving businesses and firms from big cities to rural areas would be more auspicious for setting up big factories, provide jobs and avoid further overcrowding in cities. In light of aforementioned evidence, it could be argued that this trend has more merits than downsides, therefore, should be continued to encouraged by governors.
This is not a comparison essay. The question demands that you pick one side to advocate for in the essay. You cannot use a middle ground opinion because this is not a contrast essay topic. Therefore, the 2 reasoning paragraphs should only be used to strengthen the discussion you are presenting. The side that you support must win by using the following format:  
  
- Topic sentence must indicate the adverse reason as a topic sentence. The remaining 4 sentences should disprove that claim using a reason, a supporting example, and a supporting reason for the examples. Use a transition sentence that will relate this present reason with the next discussion paragraph.  
  
- Another adverse reason. Same thing, disprove this idea based on the side you support. Same sentence indicators apply.  
  
The strength of the essay discussion, the relevance of the discussion, the coherence of the paragraphs, will all come from the way that you discuss your point of view in a manner that weakens the opposition. You cannot create a strong point of view in relation to the Task Accuracy requirements if you do not pick a side to discuss and support as per the original prompt talking points instructions. Once you discuss the essay properly, all of the other scoring requirements will have a boost in scoring considerations.