dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
It is unfortunate that your body of paragraphs, as well as your prompt restatement does not follow the required format for the response. Always count the discussion instructions. Those indicate how many paragraphs you have to write in the actual essay. If it asks "Do you agree or disagree?" or "To what extent do you agree or disagree?", then you should write 4 paragraphs (1 introduction, 2 reasoning, 1 concluding summary). When the essay instructs you to "discuss both points of view and give your own opinion", that means you should write a total of 5 paragraphs (1 introduction, 3 reasoning, 1 concluding summary). The proper format of the essay response counts towards your TA scoring considerations as well as the C&C and GRA scores.  
  
Each reason should have only 1 topic sentence. You included 2 topic statements in your 2nd paragraph. That created an under developed reasoning presentation. Which is another problem when it comes to the C&C scoring. When the paragraphs have more than 1 topic per paragraph, you do not fully explain the first topic. In the 5 paragraph essay, you need to do the following in separate paragraphs:  
  
- 1 topic sentence / reason on the agree side based on public opinion  
- 1 topic sentence / reason on the disagree side based on public opinion  
- 1 opinion explanation that supports one of the two discussions  
  
Your opinion should not be a part of the introduction paraphrase. You should not have an opinion presented as yet since you have not analyzed the two public opinions. You need to show a sense of analysis in this essay since you are asked to first present an explanation of the 2 public responses to the prompt and then, base your decision to support one side on that public opinion. In this essay, there was no differentiation between the public and private opinion. So it appears to be only a personal opinion presentation. That is why it will be considered only partially responsive to the task.  
  
The concluding paragraph is weak because you forgot to restate what the two public points of view are before you presented your personal opinion. Remember, every paragraph needs at least 3 sentences to be able to properly represent a clear paraphrase or explanation.  
  
Word choice errors exist:  
addiction = addition  
  
You forgot to use a comma after a conjunction:  
- identified , and...  
  
phrase presentation mistakes:  
they will be received people's encourage - the will receive people's encouragement  
  
There are other errors in the essay but I would like to refrain from correcting those since your formatting errors are more important to correct at this time.
## Best way of designing cities

  
  
People have different opinions about how cities should be designed to accommodate an ever increasing population in the world. While some people argue that cities should be expanded horizontally, I personally believe that vertical cities can be far more beneficial.  
  
There are two main reasons why some people prefer a horizontal city rather than a vertical one. Firstly, the structure of a horizontal city gives people a sense of security due to its safety. For instance, if an earthquake or a fire takes place, it will be less difficult to rescue and evacuate residents in a low-rise building than in a skycraper. Secondly, a horizontal city can offer plenty of room for outdoor spaces such as gardens or playgrounds. It also fosters social connectedness among dwellers and avoid the lack of community and social interaction that high-rise living often breeds.  
  
On the other hand, I am of the opinion that the trend towards building upward instead of outward brings more significant benefits, especially from environmental perspective. Residing in a megatower enhances living and working space, meaning that demand for land can be minimized. The wildlife habitats, therefore, would be preserved and deforestation would be reduced considerably. Another key benefit is that the exploitation of fossil fuel can be replaced by the use of renewable energy, which certainly contributes to the decline in carbon footprint and better air quality. This is because a high-rise building has a multitude of surface where solar panels could be installed. Also, their height and size make them ideal for wind turbines.  
  
In conclusion, the concept of the horizontal city can be fascinating and attractive to a number of people for some reasons. However, in my view, the advantages of life in a city with skyscrapers makes living in a vertical city the better choice.
This is a comparative essay discussion. The body of paragraphs should have been composed of 3 representations, in no particular order:  
- Public support for vertical living  
- Public support for horizontal living  
- Your point of view  
  
You only have 2 discussion paragraphs in this essay. The prompt discussion instructions always indicate how many paragraphs must be written for the reasoning portion. You were instructed to discuss both points of view individually, before presenting your opinion. Never take a short cut in your reasoning paragraphs. You need to follow the indicated number of discussion topics. So, you are short by 1 paragraph because you decided to compress your horizontal and vertical considerations in one paragraph. That means, you will lose points for improper formatting.  
  
Additionally, there will be lost points consideration with regards to the coherence and cohesiveness of your presentation. Without the 3 paragraph representation, the discussion feels rushed and under developed. You do not qualify these paragraphs as completely informative nor properly connected with one another. So points will be lost for GRA as well as C&C presentations.  
  
By the way, do not present an opinion in the prompt paraphrase. As a rule, you should not have an opinion presented when you have completed the comparison paragraphs yet. You should simply indicate that your opinion will be based on what you believe to be the stronger discussion representation.  
  
You should have done a better job with regards to the opening and closing paraphrases. You need at least one more sentence to complete the paragraph minimum of 3 sentences. Never compress the discussion. Always do it between 3-5 sentences for maximum GRA scoring points.
## Whose role in protecting the environment?

  
  
*Topic: Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians not individuals as individuals can do to little. Do you agree or disagree?*  
  
Some people believe it is the politicians that have responsibilities to protect the environment not individuals' little effort. Personally, I disagree with this statement, and will outline my reasons in the following essay  
  
On the one hand, it cannot be rejected that the politicians need to be responsible for addressing environment-related problems. To begin with, they can suggest the government enacting new laws and regulations that make sure people have the proper actions towards the environment. For instance, stricter laws that impose heavier financial punishment or long-term imprisonment can be implemented, which making citizens become more conscious of their actions. Apart from that, politicians can propose putting higher environmental tax on petrol, which makes petrol price increase. This discourages people from using their private vehicles as they will be reluctant to pay a huge amount of money for their daily travel. As a result, the more people restrict their traveling demand by private cars or motorbikes, the more CO2 emission into the atmosphere will decline  
  
However, I strongly believe that there are numerous things that ordinary people can do to protect the environment, which still have equal impacts as those of the politicians. First, people are the main participants of any environment protection campaigns launched by the government. If all people get together and give a hand, the effect will become much larger, and the problems related to environment can therefore be tackled quickly. Second, people can contribute to improving the environment through their daily activities such as disposing garbage properly, or collecting trash in their neighborhood. These actions, despite being minor, still help reduce the humans' impact on nature and make it become cleaner.  
  
All things considered, I strongly believe that all of the individuals regardless of their social status have an equal role in protecting the environment.
Your prompt paraphrase is not changed enough from the original prompt to qualify as a new rendition of the original discussion presentation. Additionally, you used a memorized sentence in the response to the direct question. You should not say that you will outline your reasons in the essay. That is the memorized part. Try to figure out an original way of saying that. Something like: There are several factors that have influenced my decision to disagree with this statement.  
  
Never do a comparison discussion when you are asked to take a stance in the response. Always use 2 strong reasons to depict the reasons why the original discussion is in error. You could actually use the reasoning sentences from the original prompt, write it as the topic sentence for the paragraph, then explain why that line of reasoning is wrong.  
  
Using the 2 given topics for discussion in the essay (government responsibility, individual responsibility), you should be able to write 2 reasoning paragraphs that support your stance. By the way, the original paraphrase needs at least 1 more sentence to qualify as a complete paragraph. Your concluding paragraph has the same problem. It is not qualified as a complete paragraph and does not represent the restated discussion requirements that create the concluding paragraph.  
  
Overall, the presentation could have been better. Next time, pick one side to defend, think of the defensive reasons, and discuss those reasons in the body of paragraphs.
## The optimism level in the world today

  
  
Subject: Many people are optimistic about the 21st century and see it as an opportunity to make positive changes to the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree with their optimism? What changes would you like to see in the new century ?  
  
Recent years have seen intense debates on optimism in worldwide. In 21st century, most people is becoming optimistic who have more opportunities and modify in not only their own life but also the society around them. In my own perspective, I completely agree with their optimism.  
  
There are many crucial factors which impact on modified life. In fact, good mental health is the key to people's well-being. In term of emotion, when people can reveal everything inside who could feel better due to understanding, maintaining good mind-set can help people to have the positive thinking whenever having trouble such as in career. Besides that, taking pleasure in mind somehow brings more opportunities and professional growth. Instead of giving up because of problems, it brings lots of experiences for optimism, when people think that everything will be fine, at that time, it is true that they are modifying their life. Let's take something as a typical example an employer get both the positive and negative feedback from manager in working, who thinks about the merits more than the drawbacks to get the experiences. Thus, it is an ideal consideration to have the positive chances as a factor of keeping good mental health.  
  
In regard to world change, most people have the positive outlook in new era, it brings many benefits between people and people and reduces the competition with rival. Having the good quality of living and working, people reduce the negative outlook who would have the better emotion that it effects on career, communication and relationship. The best mental health is indispensable in life, people are able to work with full of energy by its. Due to developing city, people's awareness is essential to make positive changes to the world. Imagine if between people and people always think about the adverse way and live in the always nervious think, they would never get the opportunities from society.  
  
In conclusion, people should be optimistic to have more opportunities and make positive changes to the world. Always maintain mental heath and positive outlook are the main factors for them in new century.
The first 2 sentences in your prompt paraphrase are really difficult to understand. It isn't a very good re-framing of the original discussion. You need to work on the clarity of your sentence presentations. The subject of the sentence is really unclear. I can't even figure out what the cause-effect reference actually is. Good work on the direct response to the question though. Although, you forgot to tell the reader what changes you would like to see in the new century.  
  
The prompt paraphrase servers as the outline of the discussion paragraphs. It is a guide for the reader to follow and refer to when reading your body of paragraphs. Your explanations should be clear and the discussion pattern will presented for the reader's consideration. At the moment, that paragraph is difficult to understand and incomplete in its response presentation.  
  
Try your best not to use overstatement references in your essay. Examiners would rather not read those types of misleading references in the essays. Instead of "intense debates" which connotes something negative, while the discussion is more on a positive note, you should consider more positive references such as "hopeful discussions" or "optimistic outlooks" or something similar. Nothing inflammatory.  
  
Your reasoning paragraphs, though 3 in count, do not cover the correct the discussion topics based on the original prompt requirements. These discussion topics are:  
- An explanation of your opinion (extent of dis/agreement)  
- 21st century change 1  
- 21st century change 2  
  
The total will be 3 discussion body presentations for a total of 5 paragraphs. Your essay doesn't really follow the required format for the discussion so you will have points reduced in the TA score for that. You have one spelling error (nervios = nervous), word choice problems (heath - health), and subject-verb problems (most people is - most people are; based on singular - plural references). You also use contractions (let's - let us), which should be avoided in these academic presentation papers.  
  
There are other grammar errors in your essay but these are the more noticeable ones that I want to deal with. Please take note and adjust your writing style based on the suggestions in the next essay.  
  
By the way, you wrote more words than you would actually write within 40 minutes at the testing center. Aim for only 275-290 words that present a clear explanation in every sentence and paragraph. Right now, your essay, though very long, has a problem with clarity and conciseness, which will lead to extra scoring deductions in your final score.
## talent's impact on somebody's success

  
  
People have various assumptions regarding what makes an individual a good demonstrator. Some people contend that they are born to inherit these sports of music skills. In the same context, they believe that with good teaching and dedication, they can become an expert in something. From my perspective, I partly agree with both of these views.  
  
On the one hand, people believe that some children are cut out to be a sportsmen or a musician. It is their genetic origin that they inherit those skills from their parents. Meanwhile, the ability to sing or play different instruments runs in their blood. It seems that these people are lucky to receive the natural gift from God. For example, Trong Nhan, living in Vietnam, knows how to play drums at a very young age without much guidance from her teacher or parents.  
  
On the other hand, certain talents can be attained when people are provided with good guidance and encouragement, as well as their dedication. Some children may have a specific passion for a kind of sport or music. It is their parents'part to realize and identify it. Then, they will send them to a specific school or institutions which are specialized in it to develop and nourish their skills. In other words, a person can pursue his dream to become a good sports person or musician if he assists with hard work and proper practice.  
  
Personally thinking, it cannot be denied that some people in this world own certain talents that the others do not have. However, only 1% of genius constitutes success in our life. I believe that people who have a love for something and be accompanied by appropriate guidance and diligence can excel in it.  
  
In conclusion, talent only plays a minor role in helping a person become successful. Through hard work, determination and dedication, people can easily fulfill their desires.
Your discussion approach to the essay is incorrect. The format of your response is based on a measured extent essay. However, the original prompt is based on a compare/contrast/personal opinion format for discussion. Therefore, the TA score will find deductions made due to errors in response formatting. To be clear:  
  
*OP: It's generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for music and sport, and others are not. However, it's sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.Discuss both ideas by giving your opinion.Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.*  
  
*YP: From my perspective, I partly agree with both of these views.*  
  
Once you change your response to the original discussion instruction, the TA score will automatically be affected and, since this section is the highest scoring consideration for your work, a mistake here could mean a failure in the final score. This was not an agree or disagree essay. This is an explanatory personal opinion discussion of both topics.  
  
The idea was to respond in the following manner:  
  
*Both suggestions carry a sense of truth. My opinion based explanation of these topics should help to further clarify this discussion.*  
  
When using popular examples. Go for less regional and more international references. For example, you could have used the same explanation based on Justin Bieber. Same history, same skills, just a more well known personality used in the presentation. This will show that you are abreast of current events and popular culture references / information. By the way, when showing ownership, use an apostrophe s ('s) instead of an apostrophe at the end of a word.  
  
Your concluding sentences are good, yet these lack the prompt restatement and reasons for the discussion. Those should have been the first 2 sentences of your concluding paragraph, closing with the current presentation that you have.
## Silk production in two countries

  
  
The supplied table illustrates the quantity of employees and factories which produced silk in both England and Wales from 1851 to 1901.  
  
It is evident that the number of employees has a tremendous down-ward tendency to compare with the data of factories which was likely to go up significantly. Moreover, in the particular staff, there were more women workers than man' ones.  
  
In 1851, there were 272 factories in both areas with 130.750 total employees, in which female has more than a half about 10.000 employees. After 10 years, the number of factories was reported to reach its peak with the higher above 3-times as opposed to the data in 1851. By contrast, the figure of total employees was seen a considerable decrease at around 10.000 employees in each gender.  
  
From 1861 to 1901, after experiencing the progressive fluctuation of the number of factories, the data was shown about 623 factories, higher nearly two-fold than 50 year ago. On the contrary, employees witnessed a sharp decline to be lower approximately 4-time than in 1851, in which the data of female was as twice as male.
please showing your table by clicking the word "[+] image" the next time  
  
Ok, you know how to write, but there are still some trivial mistakes.  
  
"down-ward tendency to compare with...", there is no such phrase. "in comparison with" or "compared to' are right phrase.  
  
"reach its peak with the higher ...". I think it is grammatically wrong, so I would fix "the number of factories was reported to reach its peak which was three times higher, as opposed to the data in 1851. Remember to have a comma, otherwise it will degrade your grammar score.  
  
"in which the data of female was as twice as male.". You should write "male's", you were talking about the "data of male"  
  
*
Your trending statement does not completely represent a complete trending observation. You should have also provided the numerical data from the chart that led you to that observation. Remember, a trending statement indicates the upward and downward trend in a presentation. So you have to present the downward measurement along with the upward measurement in the trend. That means you cannot just say there is a downward tendency and a measurement that goes up significantly. Present the facts. This is a data report after all.  
  
@THC1310vn - Do not post images for the students. That is their job. You might upload the wrong image in the process and deliver the wrong advice to the students. If they do not provide the image, you do not post it for them. Is that understood? Do I make myself clear? Do you really want to risk an account suspension? Do not disregard forum rules! You have been warned privately and now, you have forced me to warn you publicly. Do not post an image for a student again! Understood? If not, you know what comes next.
## music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together

  
  
Nowdays, music is belived that being benifical to bring people of other cultures and generation together. I totally agree with it.  
People like music of a other contry, they can get deeper insight into culture of this nation.. In fact, mucsic can touch on our soul without undersanding about a song. It makes us love music of this contry, so people tend to learn about language, residents or history of this culture. For Example when you like KPOP, thanks for the song you can understand more about faction and language of Korea.  
  
Only by music can people in diffirent generations are closer. people listen the same type music can organize the meet to share their collections of this. It make opportunities for peole in other generations connecting. For example, who people love war music are 20 years old, that make easy to talk with people who are 50 years old.  
  
In conclusion, music is good way to close different cultures and genertions.
~~Nowdays~~ Nowadays, music is ~~belived~~  believed ~~that being benifical~~  to be beneficial to bring people of ~~other~~  various cultures and generation together. People who like the music of ~~a other~~ another ~~contry~~ country,....  
  
....For example, ~~who people~~ people who love....  
  
@meoubeolu I noticed there are quite a lot of spelling mistakes and some grammatical errors there that you need to work on. Be careful when choosing the words for paraphrasing as it is able to divert the original meaning of the sentence if you pick it wrong. Elaborating more of your idea will help the reader to understand your points better, for example you can explain more about why people might get an insight of a country whose song they listen to and then move on to connect it to their culture. I think it will be better if you provide a relevant example with a bit of explanation. In my point of view as a reader, the examples you provided above are too straightforward that I found it hardly relevant with your previous sentences. As I've said before, adding a little bit of short explanation following the example can boost your statement there.  
  
I hope it helps even just a tiny bit. Wishing you a good time in your learning and cheers!