dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Topics: Many high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women.****To what extent do you agree?**  
  
## Women in the workforce

  
  
Some people may think that the high-level positions should not be filled by women. The reason behind that is there is a negative image of female that they are not able to competent the high-level position.However,I disagree.There are two reasons.Firstly,most female nowadays have high education level. Secondly,female are usually attentive and have good communication with others.  
  
Nowadays, both male and female can receive education and most of the female have excellent performance in their study.They have the ability to complete the work of the high-level positions.A fine example of this is there are lots of female professors in universities.Also the chief executive in Hong Kong is a female.This can show that female are able to work in high-level position.  
  
Additionally, female are more scrupulous and have better communication skills.Female are more likely to work in details work. According to the research done in the USA, female are sociable than male.That means female are able to have better communication and relationship with others.Also they have better leadership to lead the colleagues because of their communication skills.  
  
The reasons above can show that female have abilities to work in high-level positions.Therefore, companies should be required more female to these positions.
Ngai, you have inaccurately discussed the paraphrased statement. The opening statement needs to only deliver your understanding of the prompt topic plus the method of discussion prior to your agreement or disagreement of the topic. An example opening statement for this would be:  
  
*These days, men commonly hold positions of high responsibility in companies. This is the situation that exists even as most workplaces have come to be more dominated by women, who sometimes comprise 50 percent of the workforce in a company. This imbalance in the leadership role in offices has led to the debate regarding whether companies must be forced to hire a percentage of women for the high profile jobs. I actually agree that companies should hire more women in positions of responsibility for a number of reasons which will be discussed below.*  
  
You need to learn how to pick a strong line of reasoning and then developing the discussion thoroughly in the paragraph. It is best to not confuse things by presenting more than one supporting evidence or opposing evidence in a paragraph so that you can devote your time to delivering a proper discussion of the given reason in relation to the topic. At the moment all of your discussions are not thoroughly developed and therefore, creates a weak argument in support of your position. So, given the shortcomings of your essay, I believe that your essay might score a 4 in an actual setting.
**Topic: In many countries, people now wear Western clothes (suits, jeans) rather than traditional clothing. Why ? Is this a positive or negative development ?** (about 300 words)  
  
## jeans and suits - what to wear?

  
  
Clothes such as suits and jeans, which come from Western countries, have become a fad recently. Western clothes are also much more pervasive than traditional costumes. As far as I am concerned, I believe that there are a variety of reasons for the prevalence of Western clothes. From my perspective, this growth will have beneficial effects on many sides.  
  
There are certain primary causes entailing the popularity of Western clothes. The first reason is these modern clothes make people feel much more comfortable and satisfied. It is inevitable that jeans and suits are more convenient compared to conventional clothes. Jeans and suits are chosen because wearing them makes workers and students feel relieved and easy to perform many different tasks. For instance, if a Japanese employee wears a kimono to run a business, they may struggle with its huge size and encumbrances and therefore may not work effectively. Another reason is because these trendy clothes help people save money and time. Choosing clothes to put on is no longer time-consuming due to the flexibility of jeans and suits in many situations. These fashion-forward clothes also save consumers' money because of its durability to wear for many years.  
  
Moreover, regarding suits and jeans' popularity, I believe this development will give rise to some positive impacts. Because they can boost people's working and studying efficiency, these modern clothes also reduce the gap between cultures as well as social classes such as the rich and the poor. This phenomenon will become negative only if people wear modern clothes and underestimate their cultural identity and national values. On the contrary, if people still respect their traditional clothes and wear national clothes on special occasions such as "ao dai'' of Vietnam or "hanbok" of Korea, wearing jeans and suits is not a serious problem.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that jeans and suits are the best choices when people go to work or learn at schools as a result of their convenience and simplicity. Despite their benefits, citizens all over the world must respect their cultures and traditional values, including their national clothes.
Linh, I think this essay can score at least a 5 overall. One of the main reasons that I held back on giving you a higher score is the fact that the essay was asking you for a generalized opinion of the topic and you instead, gave a personal opinion. If the essay does not say "what is your opinion", then there is no need to personalize the opinion as what is required is a blanket, general opinion that is acceptable as an explanation to most people. The third person pronoun or terms such as most people, one, others, groups, and other similar terms, create a general perception of the opinion you are presenting, which would have been more in line with the discussion. While the essay that you wrote is strong, you show a clear understanding of the topic for discussion, and you managed to present convincing evidence, it is the personal opinion statement, and the improper sentence development that pulled down your score. One of the grammar problems in your essay is your use of the connecting word "because" at the start of the sentence. You cannot use a connecting word to start off a sentence in academic writing where the rules regarding the placement of connecting words in a sentence is precise and unchangeable.
## destination of UK graduate and postgraduate learners after finishing their study

  
  
The graphics on the pictures show about ratio of destination of UK graduate and postgraduate learners after finishing their study in campus in 2008.  
Generally, the academicians after passing from college will work or continuou their study. Those who choose to work, usually look for full-time, part-time, or voluntary work. Unfortunately, some of them cannot get the job. Based on the picture, the charts did not explain how many students who choose full-time work. Because of that, both of graph describe part-time and voluntary work, unemployment and further study.  
  
These data describe more 17.000 students have destination as part-time work for graduates and about 2500 learners for postgraduates. These is the most number of students who culling work. Differently with voluntary work, only 3500 masters and 345 doctors. These choice are the fewest number. Unhappily, there are many bachelors and masters still unemployment. On the other hand, those who are going to study about 29.000 students for graduates and 2.700 students for postgraduates.  
  
When the data between academicians choose the job and continuou the study are compared, the academician who pick out to work more many than those who carry out to study with details more 36.500 masters choose to work and no more 30.000 masters choose to further study. As well as, the numbers of doctor pick out to work more 4400 and about 2700 doctors pick out to continuou to study.  
  
* 
*
Afif, in the case of this essay, it would have been better if you combined the first sentence with the full paragraph beneath it in order to create your opening statement. Remember, the overview will be most effective when you can illustrate the provided information in a summary or recap form. That helps to increase the task accuracy score because the elements for discussion, as well as the method of discussion will be fully threshed out at the start of the essay.  
  
The overall presentation is sound and shows that you took a decent amount of time in considering the evidence presented on a deeper level than just what was on the paper. While you tried your best to use complex sentences, an obvious attempt at improving your GRA score, you were not as successful as you had hoped because the sentence structure became a bit confusing for the reader. While I applaud your attempt at the complex sentences, if done improperly, like in most instances in your essay, it ends up reducing instead of increasing your score. It is best to write simple sentences, which can best represent your thought process, and get a small increase in your score, than to try to be complex and reduce your scoring considerations. Overall, this is not a bad attempt at writing an essay that has the potential to score a 5 in the final consideration.
Please see my correction of some grammatical errors in the first two paragraphs.  
... show about the ratio of destination of UK ...  
  
Generally, after passing from college, the academicians ~~after passing from college~~ will work or continue their study.  
... cannot get ~~the~~a job. ~~Based on the picture, t~~  
~~Because of that~~For this reason, both of the graphs describe part-time and ...  
  
Sorry if I used the editing tools incorrectly.
Could you please correct my text for the question of "Many people have now a poor memory. What is probably the reason and what should we do to improve?"  
  
**"In the modern world, poor memory arises as a prevalent human condition. This essay will explore some probable causes for this brain degradation and its feasible solution.**  
  
## what affect our memorizing skills?

  
  
As the technology develops, people don't particularly need to memorise anything anymore. A human brain can no longer store as immerse data as a computer do. The technology makes it even easier when any social network like Facebook has now a function of reminding automatically the user of his friends' birthday or events. The dependence of technology weakens, therefore, human memory capacity.  
  
Besides, the increasing pollution makes this condition more universal. Research shows that people live in a heavily polluted area are more likely to struggle with memorising numbers and person's name than their peers in a purer region. Air pollution particles could attack anyone and happen to damage slowly brain functions.  
  
Solving these two main issues would be the key to recover intellectual health. While it is really difficult to change living area or individually mitigate environmental pollution, anyone can change their habit toward technology. Like physical body, the brain needs practice to function effectively. They should start with trying memorising important things like upcomming due dates or list of follows-up activities. Beside, finding a strategy to remember seems to be a long-term solution. Visualising the relationship between things could really facilitate the memorisation process.  
  
In brief, the modern life is seemingly creating a new generation of poor memory. However, with regular practice and an appropriate strategy, people would at least prevent themselves from the possible embarrassing situation where they would forget to celebrate their own birthday just due to Facebook disconnection."  
  
(267 words)  
  
Any advice is really welcomed.  
Thank you very much.
Plan, you need to improve upon your opening statement. The way you have it written now isn't really reflective of the prompt topic and the instructions for your discussion. In order to develop a better opening statement, it would be best to allot one sentence per prompt indication. That would be one for the topic, another for the reasons, and the lady one for the methods by which one can improve his memory. If you write it that way, your task accuracy score will be increased.  
  
There is a problem in your sentence structure for paragraph two sentence three. The proper structure for the sentence would have been as follows:  
  
*Therefore, the dependence on technology weakens the human memory capacity.*  
  
In relation to this, your conclusion is inappropriate as it doesn't accurately summarize the discussion provided and your proposed solutions. As such, you will recieved a severe markdown in the task accuracy section because of the mistakes in your opening statement and closing paragraph. All of these components will , in my opinion, combine in a resulting score of 4 overall.
@Holt  
Thank you very much for your comments. My text actually lacks the opening graph (I don't know why, I remember have posted all). The following is my full text with adjustment based on your comments. What will you score it?  
  
"In the modern world, poor memory arises as a prevalent human condition. This essay will explore some probable causes for this brain degradation and its feasible solution.  
  
As the technology develops, people don't particularly need to memorise ...
Hello Link,  
  
1. Be aware of the tone. Do not use "don't" in the essay for it sounds informal.  
  
2. The structure might need some adjustment. It is suggested that some background sentences can be added in the first paragraph.  
  
3. There are also some places where the essay fails to segue into the next sentences. Sentences like "Like physical body, the brain needs ... Theyshould start with trying memorising ..." and "Beside, finding a strategy to remember seems to be a long-term solution. Visualising the relationship ..." are awkward.  
  
I believe that this essay will lose some marks on Coherence and Cohesion.  
  
4. In the second paragraph in which the essay tried to prove the correlation between pollution and people's poor memory, whilst the evidence correctly responses to the statement, it is too weak and blur to support the idea.  
  
5. Some grammar mistakes like " a computer do","Research shows" may lose some points on grammar.
Sawsan, it is difficult for anybody here to translate this essay for you for a number of reasons. The first, is that most of the sentences that you wrote do not make any sense in English. This essay sounds more like you used an online translator to write the essay in English coming from your mother tongue. That is the main reason why this essay doesn't make sense. The best thing for you to do at this point is write the essay again. This time, do not use a translator, if necessary, use a Turkish - English dictionary for writing the essay. Not the online translator. I know you are out of practice when it comes to writing in English but using the translator is not the way to fix the problem. You need to apply yourself and work on improving your English skills the hard way. Right now, I am sure that the essay makes sense in Turkish, but you cannot transliterate from Turkish to English. If the English sentence development and structure is not followed, what you end up with, is this mangled, incomprehensible bunch of words. Believe me, I would help you to fix this essay if it were possible and simple enough to do so. It just isn't easy to do when the essay is in such disarray like yours is. Try to write a new essay. This time, use only simple English words instead of trying to be creative and dramatic. Just speak in a natural manner. Keep your English presentation simple. That would be the best way to get back into the practice of writing in English.
@Sawsana  
we can not help you translate somethinh without having the original text (or video) . And looking at your sentences and structures, it really needs a lot of work, you made a lot of mistakes, almost everything is wrong. The only solution I guess is to ask someone you know, who is good at English, this will be really helpfull, or you can maybe post the link of your video here, you may get help . ( but check if you are allowed to post video links here first, so that you won't have any problems :) )  
  
I hope this was useful :)
## This decision will influence your future

  
  
To study in your own country versus studying abroad is always the most difficult decision to make. Studying abroad is always a highlight in any curriculum vitae, but leaving home for a long period of time is not everyone's cup of tea. Furthermore, Studying in a foreign country can bring about many benefits and also studying in your home country can have some advantages, too. Both options have their pros and cons, but in the end you know what the right thing is for you.  
  
Studying abroad is the one way to shape your life for a better future. Studying abroad can give not only mastering language, but also the study of culture of another country. We can learn about foreign culture and customs. Studying abroad may adversely affect our own culture and native language. People who study long or live in another country sometimes get homesick, and communicating with friends and family at home can be very difficult. Moreover, studying abroad is not so easy, you have to keep in mind the costs of studying abroad. Sometimes tuition fees are quite high, and the cost of living may be different from what you are used to at home.  
  
Studying in your own country and familiarity with your environment allows you to focus on school instead of dealing with culture shock or language barriers. You don't necessarily need to go abroad to improve your language skills and interact with internationals. On the other hand, Studying in your own country is often a smart financial decision. You're more likely to leave college with less debt than a student who borrowed heavily to study. And in addition, you can work at a job in your own country to help pay for college and gain valuable work experience that will look good on your résumé.  
  
In a nutshell, taking account of all above factors, we can infer that both options have their cons and pro and the decision to study in your own country versus studying abroad depends on your values, finances, career goals and personal preferences.
Saman, you need to learn how to practice sentence variations. Try not to always start your sentences with the same phrase. In this case, "Studying abroad" and "Studying in your country" was used at least 3 times to start a new sentence. That is considered a form of redundancy and shows that you have a limited ability to form English sentences of the complex kind. You present some pretty convincing reasons in your compare and contrast essay with regards to both topics. Your conclusion however, needs more work. It is the weakest part of your essay that does not close the essay on a strong note. It is somewhat simplistic in approach and does not really summarize the discussion to the point where an implied opinion is present. Perhaps that is because you did not present a personal opinion paragraph in the essay. If the instructions allowed you to use a personal opinion, the essay would have been stronger overall. This is not a bad attempt at writing the essay though. You show an analytical ability that can serve you well in English essay writing in the future.
You have very good ideas, but you really need you really need to work more on the best way to organize them. There is also the use of and, do not use it a lot to link your ideas, there arealways better ways to link them. Ex: (Furthermore, Studying in a foreign country can bring about many benefits and also studying in your home country can have some advantages, too.) I think it's better to say:  
  
- studying in both foreing and home country can bring some advantages.  
\*\*I'm not a native, but I hope you got my idea and  
That I was helpful :)
## Causes of Worldwide Land Degradation

  
  
This chart illustrates the causes of agricultural land productivity including three areas in 1990s.  
The vast land degradation mainly caused by over-grazing with using 35% of the worldwide land. A third of the land was deforestation, and more than a quarter was for cultivating. The largest degraded land was happen in the Europe with 23% of the total land. Europe land degradation mainly caused by deforestation. In the oceania (including Australia and New Zealand), total degradated land was 13%, with 11,3% of the land using for grazing and 1,7 due to deforestation, none of the land was using for cultivation in this region. On the other hand, degradation in North America due to over-caltivation (with 3,3% of total tand).  
  
Overall, the worldwide degradation land in 1990 mainly cause d by over-grazing, and the region with the vastest degradation land was in Europe. In contrast, the fewest degradation land was in the North America.
hay Rahma vety,  
i have read your essay, i just focus on your grammar because you did not upload the picture and the question. we need both of them to make sure the data that you wrote. i hope in the next essay you do it.  
  
....... ~~caused by over-grazing~~ : it is good because you used past tense, but make sure your sentence whether passive or active. passive form Be+V3  
....~~was happen in~~ : happened  
  
but, i think you have potential to write better if you practice harder.
Feti, it is unfortunate that even without the chart that you were provided with for the essay, your formatting and presentation is so inadequate that it cannot score any more than a 4. This is a score that I based upon your immediate presentation of information and problems regarding discussion formats and information dissemination to the reader. For starters, your opening summary is totally unacceptable because you did not really inform the reader about the overview information from the chart. That should have included the topic for discussion, type of chart presented, summarized comparison points, and any other important overview information that could have comprised the discussion outline.  
  
Your actual paragraph discussion is in need of proper formatting because you discussed more than one topic in a single paragraph. You need to learn how to decipher the discussion topics so that you can group the related information together and then use the grouping for the paragraph presentations. You have to also learn to use a full stop in the paragraphs instead of comma's because a full stop will help you meet the required sentence count per paragraph. As opposed to a comma which only creates a pause in the reading.  
  
In the concluding statement, try to come up with some additional analytical information that you might have missed in the essay for presentation. Do it in such a manner that will allow you to create at least 3 sentences in conclusion of the essay. Right now, the conclusion that you developed does not really do a good job of closing the discussion.  
  
Some final reminders:  
1. This essay must have at least 150 words distributed among (at least) 3 - 5 (maximum) paragraphs.  
2. A discussion outline will help increase your TA score in the opening paraphrase.  
3. The conclusion should help to wrap up the discussion in the 3 sentence minimum manner. It should never be a single sentence alone.