dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
It is true  
Since this is a personal opinion rather than a part of the original presentation, it should not be included in the topic restatement. The writer is not being asked about the validity of the claim being made in the topic. He should not be offering any information that does not adhere to the original presentation requirements as these will result in a TA scoredown for himself.  
  
This essay would attempt to cast light on the primary causes  
The writer was provided with 2 direct questions that would be used to assess his ability to deliver a 2 sentence response. One for each question. He is not being asked to restate the questions and how the essay should be discussed. These are considered irrelevant sentence presentations and will further lower the TA score which is based on the ability of the student to restate the prompt and offer direct opinions through topic sentence responses. The TA score is on track to receieve failing marks at this point.  
  
There are several reasons why the usage of bicycles today is less than in the past.  
However, several measures could be taken to encourage people to use this form of transport.  
Rather than restating what the discussion topic will be, provide an anchor topic sentence instead. Do not rely on empty fillers or sentence extenders as the examiners will score down those sentences. When you do not manage to deliver direct responses, the paragraph will be considered under developed in terms of discussion, reasoning, and example presentations.  
  
To conclude  
There are less than 40 words in this presentation. It should have at least 40 words and 2 sentences for it to be scored as a complete and accurate summary of the previous discussion. This is too short and will qualify as a fully developed conclusion. Aim to write at least 3 sentences for the concluding paragraph.
Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages ?  
  
It is believed that taking up another language since elementary school instead of secondary school is more beneficial. In my opinion, I am in agreement with this idea.  
  
In some cases, there are still people who think that beginning learning a foreign language at an early stage has a lot of drawbacks. For instance, they believe language acquisition might not be fun and too difficult for their kids since children at this age should only do the things they enjoy like playing, drawing or learning basic things. However, there are various ways to learn a new language these days such as: they can choose to learn through apps designed as video games so that they can play and study at the same time or just simply by singing interesting songs to learn new words. Therefore, I do not think letting the children learn new things early will address any remarkable problems.  
  
On top of that, teaching a foreing language will bring several advantages for the students. Firstly, children are like sponges, they absorb new information unconsciously which means the sooner they learn another language, the more effectively it will be. Secondly, if they have been studying this language since primary school, they will have a firm foundation which is really helpful when they study higher. Take myself as an example, I have studied English since I was five years old so now compared to some of my peers, I find it easier to catch up with this subject at school.  
  
In conclusion, not only is it diverse and helpful, language acquisition is also really fun and I think its positive effects obviously outweigh the negative one.
An opinion based on the author's point of view (disagreement) with the idea presented is not in question and therefore, should not be the opinion response in the restatement + opinion paragraph. The required response, that would have been in accordance with the expected format is the response that was provided in the concluding summary instead;  
  
I think its positive effects obviously outweigh the negative one.  
This opinion should have been mentioned twice in the essay. The first time within the restatement at the beginning and then again in the concluding summary at the end. By providing the required opinion at the end of the essay,. the writer has guaranteed the failing score of his essay based on an irrelevant response (I am in agreement with this idea.) within the topic restatement + opinion section of the essay.
## a healthier, happier life

  
  
Not all animals can make great pets, but some are truly wonderful pets. Dogs are the best pets anyone could desire.  
The connection between humans and dogs has been long acknowledged as one of the strongest bonds around. One reason dogs make great pets is that dogs are the perfect friends. Having a dog is like having a friend that will never leave, betray or gossip behind your back. Dogs are very loyal, friendly, and caring. Dogs return the love and care of their owners feel for them. So you should love and care for my dogs regularly.  
  
The second reason dogs are the best pet is that they help you be happier and relax. Dogs ownership can help people to recover from stress, sadness, and anything as hark work. When you arrive back from the office, your dog will be positively beside itself at your arrival. The dog wags its tail as soon as they see you go back home.  
  
The researchers show that people gain maximum benefit from their dogs. People's mental and physical health is affected by their pets. The children living in a family with dogs is the risk of asthma is more reduced than others. They help children strengthen their immunity against some common allergy viruses. The benefits go on and on. Getting a dog is one way to live a healthier, happier life.
The title of the article should be more focused on the actual pet being discussed, that is, the dog. Revise the title to indicate instead that "Dogs Make the Best Pets". The reason for the article title change is simple. When you refer to "The Best Pets", you need to discuss at least 3 common pet types. Since you are focused on only the dog discussion, therei s no reason to represent "pets" (plural form) in the title.  
  
The change in title will also require a modification to the introductory paragraph. Again, the focus should be on the dogs alone, rather than a generalization of pet types. The first 2 sentences will need to be adjusted accordingly. Avoid general pet discussions / references throughout since you are focused on only the dog reference as being the best pet.
## the percentage of male and female teachers in six different types of education

  
  
The chart illustrates the proportion male and female tutors in six categories of educational setting in 2010.  
  
Overall,the patterns of Nursey ( pre- school ) and primary school chart have the biggest gap between the figure for male and female. Additional, the most common education setting of female teacher was nursery ( pre-school ) and that of male tutor was university. The percentage of male and female tutors in college was equal.  
  
First of all, nursery ( pre-school ), primary school and secondary school are three types of educational setting that the proportion of female tutors was higher than that of male. The figure for female teachers in nursery ( pre-school ) and primary school, at about 95% and 90% respectively, was significantly higger than that of male tutors, at approximately 5% and 10%. With secondary school , the male tutors' ratio was over 10% lower than the female ones.  
  
Secondly, turning to the educational setting that the proportion of male tutors was higher than that of female teachers ( private training institute and university ), males won in two those types of educational settings, by about 10% and 40% respectively. The percentage of the college teachers, both male and female, were equal, accounting for 50%.  
  
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The writer has gone overboard with his writing. He should not go over 200 words with this essay. It is only a 3, not 4 paragraph essay since there is only 1 image to review and report on. The writer has over stretched what was supposed to be a 175 word report. 175 being the ideal number of words to write in the report to get maximum scoring consideration and also, leave the writer with a pocket of editing time to perfect his presentation in terms of clarity, grammar and punctuation, as well as word spelling and usage corrections.  
  
He also makes a general reference to a chart, when he should have indicated a specific chart type (bar chart) to add to the accuracy of his summarized report. The summary is lacking in shortened information presentation for the benefit of the reader. The writer is leaving the reader with more questions than answers in the summarized presentation.
## Number of tourists visiting a Carribean island

  
  
The graph provides information related to how many tourists who visited a Carribean island for a 8 year period from 2010 to 2017.  
  
Conclusion based on the graph, visitors who staying on cruise ships, visitors who staying on the island, and the total visitors experienced a simmilar upward trend for the graph's period. Another intresting fact visitors who staying on the island indeed having an upward trend but it tend to increase steadily.  
  
At the beginning of first 4 year, the visitors who staying on the island witnessed a fluctuation trend, and after that it continuously increased for the next 4 year. Slightly diffrent with it, the total visitors also saw a significant rise in the first 4 year, then it dramatically rose the next 4 year.  
  
compared to the other 2 graph, in spite of increasing trend, the visitors who staying on the island trend tend to increased steadily.  
  
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The graph provides information  
Divide this long presentation into at least 2 sentences. By increasing the sentence count, the writer will provide a clear short version of the report. Do not forget to include a reference to the countries mentioned prior to the trending statement. Do not fail to include a reference as to how the guests were counted and presented in the graph (by the millions).  
  
Conclusion based on the graph  
Big mistake ! Never present a conclusion in any part of a Task 1 essay. This is only a reporting and assessment essay. It is not an opinion based essay. Only the task 2 essay will require the writer to conclude any of its opinion(s) within the presentation.  
  
first 4 year,  
Plural form presentation please.  
  
The last paragraph presentation will receive several GRA deductions ranging from word capitalization problems, lack of sentence development/ no control over sentence structuring. and a lack of cohesive and coherent thought presentation.
## The two maps below show road access to a city hospital in 2007 and in 2010.

  
***Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.***  
  
The figures illustrate the roads though which people can reach to the City Hospital in 2007 and the changes that have been made in 2010.  
  
In 2007, City Hospital was enclosed by a Ring Road. From the South of the Hospital, Hospital Road met the City Road, also located on the south. There are several bus stops alongside the Hospital Road. Public and staff parked their cars in the same parking space on the right side of Hospital Road which could be accessed through the Ring Road.  
  
In 2010, a roundabout has been constructed at the intersection of the hospital road and the Ring Road at the entrance to the City Hospital. Another roundabout has also been added at the intersection between city road and the hospital road. The bus stops which were alongside the hospital road have been removed and the two roundabouts have been connected by a bus station instead. Apart from that, public and staff parking area have been distinguished. A separate public parking space has been made just beside the Ring Road, toward East. The public can enter the parking space from the Ring Road.  
  
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The figures  
For clarity purposes, you must indicate the number of images and also, indicate if there is an image that is based on a revised presentation. That way you clearly lead the reader into the actual descriptive report in the later paragraphs.  
  
and the changes that have been made  
This reference makes it appear that physical changes, rather than route changes were made to the city hospital access. That is not the case. There were route designation changes made. Be clear when it comes to information referencing because errors in this part will tend to confuse the reader.  
  
Aside from a few clarity errors, the writer has pretty much explained the differences between the two maps quite well. Word usage could have been better in aid of clarity. The writer shows the potential to deliver a well developed report, provided he learns to use more descriptive words in the correct manner.
## required music class

  
  
I can remember one class that I enrolled in college that was the bain of my existence. Ironically, the course was designed to be guiding force in people's lives, offering them self-improvement. The course's title was "Concert band performance." As I was majoring in Theater Arts, I was required to take classes that were aligned with this study in order to graduate with a degree in Theater Arts. The instructor did not like to engage with her students and did not wish to be bothered with simple concerns like questions from her students. Oh, the irony of a teacher who was supposed to be offer a self-improvement course yet was unable to help others to do so! After I finished the semester, I thought to myself, "I would have liked to have had a better agreement with Ms. Smith."  
  
If my recollection is correct, I was required to take one music class; confusing, as I had skills in theater arts. I was on my way to Broadway! Ms. Smith was unaware of the fact that I was a theater arts student. She was assuming that I needed to improve my music skills by performing on stage. At the beginning of the semester, I found myself alone in the classroom, taking brief notes from my new instructor's lessons that she was giving. After I asked, "Where are all of the other students" she replied, "I don't have to worry about that" and all I need to have are good music reading skills." That entire semester, I was required to meet with Ms. Smith, who appeared military like, wearing an impeccable suit, standing tall and upright, with perfectly coiffed hair. Every day, she complained about my poor music skills and about her being tired of teaching music for many years. She also mentioned that she wanted to retire from teaching soon and to become a lawyer. I was thinking to myself, "When will this misery end?"  
  
I was afraid of failing the class because I was not a musical performer and in addition, Ms. Smith's disposition towards me was not one of my liking. I decided to bring my own instruments, a keyboard and a Saxaphone, think Bill Clinton (!), to my performance. At the final performance, I performed flawlessly, playing both the keyboard the saxophone. Ms. Smith looked perfect as she was the main performer and once again ignored commenting on everyone's work. One of the students complained about Ms. Smith not following the descriptions of the course in the college curriculum and that we would benefit by discussing our concerns with the dean of music.  
  
Even though I finished the course with a better than average grade, I wish that I would have better compliance with Ms. Smith. I did not o to see my classmates to have stage performances, I had to buy my own instruments and constantly hear an instructor negging about my work. Even though I heard many times that she wanted to be a lawyer, I wish I could have courage to say to her to become a preacher.
The writer shows an understanding of the central topic. The discussion itself is applicable although sentence structuring problems can be found in serveral places of writing. These affect the clarity of the presentation and show an inadequate grasp of English word usage. That is very bad news for a person seeking qualification to become an American school teacher. Some problem sentences include:  
  
Oh, the irony of a teacher who was supposed to be offer a self-improvement course yet was unable to help others to do so!  
The writer also tends to overgeneralize the discussion and focus on the class thoughts rather than sticking to the personal aspect of the discussion. Since the reference is to the writer's personal experience, there shouldn't be any reference to "we" in the essay,  
  
The overall essay lacks something important that teachers often provide to their students when narrating stories, that is, a lesson to be taken from the experience. It is not just all about disliking the situation and the person. It must also show a lesson learned from the experience that the reader can take from the presentation.
## Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender?

  
  
Nowadays, there are various jobs which are just suitable for one of two genders. However, in the modern era, a majority of work can be done by both males and females to have a better social life and to develop their kingdom. Some people gave an opinion that it is necessary to exclude males or females from several jobs. In my opinion, equality between males and females should be ameliorated.  
  
It appears that in reality, there exist diverse professions that correspond to male or female. As an illustration, the gender of most nurses in the hospital is nearly all-female because of their care and thoroughness towards the patient. Conversely, construction site jobs are really only suitable for men in view of the fact that the transportation of bricks, sand, and cement is quite difficult for women because of their heavyweight.  
  
Although this may be true, various works are suitable for both males and females. As evidence, the cooking chef in the restaurant could be a woman because she is scrupulous with the decoration of the food. On the other hand, a man can become a professor thanks to his knowledge. For example, math teachers should be male because men are usually sensitive to numbers, so they can teach this subject better than women.  
  
In brief, equality in the profession is necessary and it has to be encouraged more day by day. Everyone has the right to choose their favorite profession, regardless of whether it is for men or women.
The frist 2 sentences of the prompt restatement are contradicting each other. The writer claimes that these days there are jobs that are gender specific, but in the modern era, both genders can perform any job. That is where the contradiction lies. "Nowadays" refers to the same "modern era". So the writer has confused the reader due to his misuse of English terms. That is definitely an LR and GRA failure.  
  
better social life and to develop their kingdom  
The writer has definitely failed in the prompt restatement portion. He is introducing topics that are not contained within the original prompt. The references are irrelevant and alter the discussion focus. He has already failed the test even though the primary scoring considerations have not been brought forth yet. All because he chose to discuss personal opinions unrelated to the task in the TA section.
Some people say that schools should concentrate on teaching students academic subjects that will be useful for their future careers. Other people say that subjects such as music and sports are also necessary.  
  
Discuss both views and give your opinion.  
  
Decent education undoubtedly acts as a precursor to successful careers later on. Therefore, which subjects should be incorporated into school's curricula is a controversial topic. While some people believe that schools should focus on core subjects, others say that music and sports are also indispensable. I agree with the latter view.  
  
On the one hand, academic subjects are already a must part of the timetable of all schools. Students need to learn those courses in order to have good grades to pass the university entrance exam, which is a crucial milestone in almost every students's life. It could be said that the foremost goal of people who attend school is to have a good occupation with a handsome pay after they finish. To this end, the curriculum should mostly comprise core subjects like math, science and language, as the performance of these subjects is placed heavy emphasis by universities and employers. Those compulsory disciplines are the main factor for students to get their qualifications - which are pivotal because just as clothing is to first impressions. Recruiters tend to check that piece of paper before looking at an individual's experiences. Therefore, it seems understandable that schools should underline such subjects in the curriculum.  
  
On the other hand, subjects like sports and music cannot be completely ignored. Today, firms attach great importance to not only expertise and qualifications of applicants but also their soft skills. These skills are considered better cultivated in experiences like playing music or competing in team sports than in academic lessons. Plus, a qualification somehow does not signal whether a person possesses personal traits, indicate in any way how a person will function in the real world. Moreover, schools may have chances to explore students's untapped potential. For example, many high schools in Hanoi have organized some sport and art activities, or field trips to certain places such as exhibitions or stadiums and encouraged students to engage in, which helps them develop creativity, and collaborative skills. By teaching those subjects like sports and music, students could become a well-rounded individuals, thus, they will be more confident and active. Therefore, students may find it easier to adapt to professional work environment in the future.  
  
In conclusion, there is no doubt that academic subjects should be given precedence to in schools, but it is also important that students should be taught other courses like sports or music.
Decent education undoubtedly acts as a precursor to successful careers later on  
The personal opinion of the writer should not be discussed in the first paragraph and is not considered to be a part of the prompt restatement + personal opinion. This particular restatement paragraph covers, at the most, only 3 sentences, without the unnecessary statement at the start. Any representations that are not part of the original statement or response question representation will result in points deductions for the writer. Stick to the original prompt and respond the the question being asked in the first paragraph.  
  
The writer has provided a strong 2 paragraph reasoning presentation based solely on a personal opinion. So the essay will be scored as having responded to only 1 of the 3 prompt instructions. When asked to discuss both views, the paragraphs must compare and contrast the public opinion with the writer's point of view in relation to the public reasoning. This is not what was represented in this essay due to the missing use of third and first person pronouns. So the essay cannot be scored beyond a first person general opinion basis. It is lacking in correct discussion representation.