dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## public vs private transportation

  
  
**The proliferation of private cars on the roads in many parts of the world has led to serious problems of pollution and may contribute to global warming. Some people think that governments should spend money for the development of public transportation systems in order to help alleviate this problem. Others think it is better to spend money for the development of electric and other types of cars that may cause less pollution.**  
  
**Do you think it is better for governments to spend money developing public transportation or developing new kinds of cars?**  
  
Enhancing number of cars currently becomes controversial problem. The phenomenon is considered as one of the main causes of climate change through pollution emitted. To deal with situation, there are several solutions, one arguments claim that government should develop a good quality public transportation, while others argue it can be done by substitution some new friendly environment cars. In my perspective, I hold the second option because it has high effectiveness to reduce harm gases. However, to build mass transportation is inappropriate ways because it still emits harmful pollution.  
  
To begin with, recently, many researches devote their best effort to engage a new kind of electrical cars. They believe this way can decrease effectively pollution which are produced by conventional cars, where electrical cars transform electricity to kinetically forces and do not emit remain gases. Moreover, creating eco-friendly it supports global vision to eliminate the threat of global warming, where some of national leader agreed to use renewable energy resources such as solar panel, wind turbines, as well as hydropower to produce electricity. Thus, I examine this method could be appreciated from global society because it uses sustainable energy resources which it does not disturb environment and create clean pollution.  
  
However, some environmentalists refuse another idea which it suggests stakeholders to create public transportation facilities, since it could not solve air pollution problems. In fact, public transportation still release immense gases because these use fossil fuel for mobility. In addition, this suggestion has low effect because not every owner who has felt comfortable with their cars will utilize public transportation to do their daily activities which generally are very crowded of passengers. Unfortunately, the cost allocated by government is counterproductive with main goal of project.  
  
To conclude, I believe that the new invention of eco-friendly transportation is the holistic way to minimize climate change effect because harmful pollution that create worst situation of environment is not transmitted by them.
@Ali20  
Hello there. Thanks for actively participating in the forum! I hope that my feedback gives you an idea on how to improve your writing.  
  
First and foremost, the first parts of the writing are a bit confusing. The introductory paragraph is a bit too spread out for its purpose of writing. I heavily recommend that you try to keep it more compartmentalized, especially if you're intending to expand it on the latter parts of the text. I would heavily suggest here omitting a huge part of the second sentence because you could have allocated this space instead for the body paragraphs. Being more balanced definitely counts here.  
  
Furthermore, your conclusion also has to be treated in the same light. That concluding remark still needs to be stretched out because it is (now) merely just about your personal opinion - instead of, for instance, providing an extended analysis on the paper itself. Be more specific in this regard.
Hi all! I'm practicing the writing task 2 (General training) on the following topic:  
  
***## In many countries, very few young people read newspapers or follow the news on TV.

  
What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.***  
  
Grateful for your comments and advise me the approach of writing a short conclusion in this type of topic. Many thanks in advance.  
  
=========================  
  
It is noticeable that there are fewer youngsters receiving news from newspapers and TV. Researchers and stakeholders in broadcasting sector are interested to seek the causes of the trend and explore any solution for this.  
  
In the age of information explosion, there are more sources of getting news online, especially live news could be easily broadcast with various online platforms. Thus, this may cause fewer viewers of newspapers and TV. In addition, the reading habit of young generation has been changed from reading long passages on papers to finding instant visually attractive posts from online platforms. Other than the shift of receiving channels, there is a specific reason for young people in my city not choosing newspapers and TV as reliable sources of news. The printed and broadcasting media in my city presents biased news very often while there are more perspectives of the news could be found online. Therefore, it affects the credibility of those media and fewer people are willing to trust these sources of news.  
  
In order to survive from the competition with internet, the media should have more investments on digital world, not only the e-marketing, but also live broadcasting on the internet, to reach the greater mass of the audience. One of the most successful online media in my region has invested a lot in manpower and hardware for live broadcasting. In this connection, that media is able to cover most of the immediate happenings in different locations in a very prompt way during this socially unrest moment. Furthermore, newspaper and TV channels could focus on the other approach that excels themselves from other online news platforms. If the media is unable to have extra resources on online platforms, it might be a good choice to reallocate the resources to focus on more in-depth analysis on specific topics. Live broadcasting and online visually attractive posts could only provide a glimpse of the events, but not the analysis of deep root cause. For example, 20/20 in the USA showcases how an excellent analysis type of news programme could survive in this furious competition.  
  
(347 words)
I liked the way you've written this answer, however in some places you could improve your grammar and sentecne structure. For instance  
  
This can be rewritten as  
  
"*In the age of information ~~explosion~~, there are more sources of ~~getting~~ news online, ~~especially~~ such as live news that could be easily broadcast ~~with~~ using various online platforms.*"  
  
Another one is  
  
This can be rewritten as  
  
"*... media in my city often present biased news, while there are more perspectives of the news available online*"  
  
This use of fewer words which provide the same meaning undoubtedly will improve your essay.
Hello @plforielts!  
  
these my comments about your writing, may it could enhance your quality.  
  
1. I see this sentence "*receiving news from newspapers and TV*" has unclear substance with question, and i suggest to alter with " It is noticeable that majority young people lack of willingness to get information from......"  
  
2. You should give general information about your answer that you will write in the next body paragraphs. because it helps examiner to find your arguments quickly also it encourages you to create conclusion
## Islip centre now and in the future

  
  
**TOPIC**  
**The maps below show the centre of a small town called Islip as it is now, and plans for its development.**  
  
**My Answer.**  
These diagrams illustrate the present layout of the center of a town named Islip and the future plan of it.  
  
It is clear that a dual carriageway will be built to surround the shops and the north shops will be modified into four different kinds of areas, like bus station, shopping center, car park and new housing.  
  
As you can see in the first picture, there is a main road between the both sides of shops, people can go shopping, park, school and houses by this main road. However, it will become a road for pedestrians only in the future. Instead of the main road, a new dual carriageway will be built to connect park, school, housing and so on.  
  
The shops on the north side of the town will be added other functions. The shops only retain the central part, both side of the shopping centre are bus station and car park respectively. New housing will be placed on the east side of the car park. Also, there will have another new housing on the west side of the park.  
  
*   
*I wrote article according to this picture*
@Yukison  
Hi there! Welcome to the forum. I hope that my feedback gives you an idea on how to improve your writing. Don't hesitate to ask if you have any more questions!  
  
Be more technical in writing, meaning focus a lot more on angles of writing that will benefit the appeal of your work. For instance, that first sentence can be reiterated and interpreted as: *These diagrams illustrate the Islip's present layout and future plans*. Notice how this version is much shorter and yet still relays the message you were trying to put out there. The same goes for the rest of your text.  
  
With regards the last paragraph, try to also be more dedicated when focusing on the entirety of the text. That last sentence should still be improved by being more concrete with the information that you're sharing.
Please help me with my essay! Many thanks! :)  
  
(This is my first try , not sure if I use this website correctly.)  
  
***Topic: Today, newspapers and televisions are giving detailed descriptions of crimes. Some people believe such a practice will cause bad consequences and thus media should be restricted. To what extent do you agree or disagree?***  
  
## news restriction

  
  
Nowadays, many news platforms are broadcasting details of criminal incidents; although detailed descriptions can bring more awareness of crimes, I am convinced it should be restricted since it would cause detrimental effects.  
  
Many medias delivered criminal scenes to audiences detailedly to make their news more attractive, people tend to be curious and would want to know it better. Since they pay attention on the news context, they would know what exactly the crimes were. This can make residents realize what kind of criminal might happen around them. As a result, local residents would be aware of similar conditions, and prevent themselves from being harm as the news described. For instance, last year in Taiwan, a secondary school student saved herself from a severe rubbery because she saw an informative news about the same kind of crime. However, I believe other methods can be applied to make citizens be more careful of local crimes, such as educating residents, rather than letting newspapers and televisions to tell the details of those tragics.  
  
While knowing a news in detail can bring up awareness to prevent some crime, several drawbacks cannot be forgotten. From my point of view, detrimental effects are significant if medias can describe any crime without discipline. Violence and other horrible photos on news should be restricted, because it may affect individual's mental health, which, by researches, would be extremely harmful to children. Except for people having fear, some are likely to learn and mimic the crime. Therefore, such context of news should be forbidden by governments, especially to families with children.  
  
In conclusion, for the reasons above, despite it can make people more aware of crime, I believe it may be preferable to restrict that overdetailed news.
@expmphp  
Hi there! Welcome to the site. I hope my feedback gives you an idea on how to improve your writing. Don't hesitate to approach us if you have any other questions.  
  
First and foremost, while I think that the first paragraph is alright, you need to work on establishing first that background information before anything else. From the get-go, that first sentence needed to have additional supplementary information fin order to make it more effective. The transition also from your thoughts regarding how detailed broadcasted information are when reporting incidents to the awareness was also quite weak in general. I heavily suggest working on a better introduction as this can definitely drag your essay.  
  
Balancing the conclusion is also a critical part in essays, which I feel like is often forgotten by others. Your conclusion still needs to be sharpened and improved if you truly want to be able to show the readers that you have complete grasp over the subject at hand.
## the old vs modern way of thinking

  
  
**The older generations tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think, and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful in preparing younger generations for modern life.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?**  
  
One more useless thread title = ban  
  
It is true that many older people believe in traditional values with the old way of thinking, however, many of these are not suitable young generations. While I agree that some traditional points of view are out-to-date, I completely believe that they still have been valuable for the young to have better lives in modern society.  
  
On the one hand, it is evident that some traditional views from elder people have become less useful and suitable for the young to apply for their lives these days. The first unreasonable view is that sexual discrimination between man and women. In the past, for example, many people always had the desire for giving birth boys, who can maintain family lineage. Nevertheless, nowadays this traditional tendency has disappeared gradually due to contemporary society has dismissal the gender discrimination. Second, definitions about LGBT are becoming more popular in the modern era, whereas these are not accepted by those who have very traditional ideas. Because these traditional opinions can limit the right of people in LGBT, leading to inappropriateness in modern society.  
  
On the other hand, although older generations have some outdated ideas which are unlikely to exist in the contemporary world, there are still some values and traditions that are useful to young people. Many characteristics of the elderly are likely to be essential for the young to learn and apply. A good example is that some values such as honesty, hard work, respecting everyone are meaningful lessons taught by previous generations and they should be inherited. Furthermore, there is a great deal of useful knowledge from the experiences of previous generations conveyed to youngsters. For example, in Vietnam, after giving birth many women will be looked after effectively by traditional methods, which was used for many years ago.  
  
In conclusion, for the reason I have mentioned above, I believe that we should not dismiss all of the traditional opinions of the elderly, instead of that the young should learn the most feasible and suitable viewpoints.
@thuylinh050900  
Welcome to the site! I hope that this feedback of mine will give you a better idea on how to improve your writing in totality. If you are able to do this, please don't hesitate to approach and ask me for additional details.  
  
The first paragraph can still be improved if you are able to be more technical with your manner of writing. For instance, that first sentence should be divided into two different ones to create more organization in your writing. Afterwards, try to be more specific with what information you're trying to introduce. For instance, what are these *traditional points of view* that you were trying to reiterate? If you are more descriptive and specific, it would help a lot with your writing.  
  
The same concepts should be applied everywhere else in your writing. If we take a look at your current third paragraph, it clear how you were still unable to relay information properly. The third sentence, for instance, still needs to be heavily improved. Be more consistent with the formatting that you're using in your words, especially when working with bulky content. This will tremendously help in creating that formal imagery that people are typically seeking for when they are writing.
@puppy1111  
Hi there. Thanks for coming to the forum! I hope my feedback gives you an idea on how to improve your writing.  
  
Firstly, the introductory can still be improved if you focused a lot more on briefing the readers before jumping straight onto the facts. It is almost never recommended to introduce information from the get-go without clarifying first what the content of the writing would be about, especially because you will be risking merely writing things without a purpose/direction.  
  
Furthermore, when you have already introduced an acronym, it would be unnecessary to repeatedly mention it. For instance, after the first time you mentioned that genetically modified foods are GMOs, then the next times that you expound on GMOs, you would only need to write out GMOs without needing to expand it again. This generally should make your writing a lot clearer.  
  
Be concise as well with the formatting of your citations. From what I can tell, putting out "*as cited in*" is not really necessary (there's no type of citation in which this will fall under). If you're trying to stick with APA, then just*stick with that format.*
## the best policy to gain public health

  
  
***Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.*  
  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.**  
  
Question: if I cannot finish my writing in a timely manner (40 minutes), what would you suggest me to do ? (For example, jump into conclusion directly or still need to finish at least one point of views ? Giving up to think synonyms ?)  
  
I ran out of my time to finish this writing task 2. Some of ideas I really want to go through details but I did not have enough time to do so....  
  
Nowadays, the issue of whether the best policy to gain public health is by establishing some of fitness or not is certainly a controversial topic to discuss. Some people believe that by doing so it must work efficiently. However, others,including me, believe that this may have few feedbacks on public health and that other means are essential to achieve. The following essay will illustrate my both point of views and give the reason why I support the latter one.  
  
Building the numerous sports facilities will make citizens have more intentions to do the exercise. By doing so, some people may acquire not only healthy bodies but also fresh minds. However, from my perspective, without other ways to encourage people to do the exercise, some people may feel lazy after two or three months. Because nothing can motivate them to use the sports facilities, three or four years later, the public sports' space will become empty houses and no one use them anymore.  
  
Therefore, if the government establishes some more benefits to encourage people to utilize the facilities, then rising the health of public is easy to achieve. For example, publishing the details of rewards that if citizens have visited public fitness more than six times a month, they can have 15% reduction of tax. In my own opinion, it is an active way to promote people to do the sport rather than just increasing the amount of sports facilities and do nothing.  
  
In summary , I would therefore reaffirm my position that even though some people claimed that adding some of public sports facilities may improve public health ; Nevertheless, I still believe that they should have some other ways to motivate them to use facilities such as the tax reduction.
@roswita116  
Hi. Thanks for your continuous participation in the forum! I hope my feedback gives you an idea on how to improve this essay of yours. Don't hesitate to approach and ask if you have any more questions.  
  
Be cautious of the technical angle in writing. The punctuation, spacing, and the general practicality of your essay writing should all be accounted for when you are writing. Try to be more formal with your language and manner of composition. For example, the last sentence of the first paragraph is still incredibly informal because of the manner of writing. Be more inclined to use more complex and *academic-sounding* words throughout to ensure that you will be received well by the readers.  
  
Be cautious as well of run-on sentences that should be treated with ease. If we take a look at your third paragraph's second sentence, for example, it is clear that it should be instead two to three shorter sentences to create a more concise writing approach.  
  
The last paragraph should be the merging of the summation and conclusion. While you have provided the summary, the conclusion part of this paragraph is still lacking because it is insufficient to merely make mention of things in this manner.
## Age Structure in two different countries

  
  
**The charts below give information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.**  
  
**Here I have a question:  
May I rephrase "aged 0 to 15" into " teenagers"  
"aged 15 to 59" into "adults" and "aged 60+" into "elderly"?**  
  
The pie charts illustrate the total amount of all ages citizens between Yemen and Italy in 2000 and the comparison of projections for 2050.  
  
Overall, it is exceedingly evident that the group of adults from aged 15 to 59 accounted for the majority proportion not only in populations but also projections in both countries. However, the age from 60 plus stood at the least percentage in population and projection of Yemen while the aged from 0 to 14 occupied the least ratio in population and projection of Italy in 2000 and 2050,respectively.  
  
Taking a closer look, the differentiation of percentage between 15 to 59 years old of populations and projections in Yemen and Italy are quite slight in 2000 and 2050. Only 15.3% and 11.1%, respectively. In addition, the group of aged 60 plus accounted for almost half of pie chart of projections in Italy while it stood at the least in Yemen. There is 36.6% differentiation between both countries.  
  
*
@roswita116  
Hi there. Thanks for your continuous participation in the site! I hope my feedback gives you clarity.  
  
To answer your question, the word teenagers doesn't necessarily pertain to that age range, considering that 0 to 15 is a mixture of infancy and teenage years. I wouldn't necessarily recommend changing the phrasing of this because it might just cause confusion in the minds of the readers. However, the other changed in formatting (aged 15 - 56 as adults and aged 60+ as elderly) can still be doable.  
  
Looking into your writing, I suggest working on creating more specific delineations in your writing. For instance, that second paragraph's first sentence should have had a couple of punctuation marks throughout because it was spilling with numerous phrases throughout. Try to be more concise with the placement of these punctuation marks to create a softer transition. Implement this recommendation to the last paragraph of your writing as well.