dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## a government's core function

  
  
**Some people say that governments should pay for the public health care and education, while others say that it is not the government's responsibility. Please discuss both views and give your own opinion.**  
  
There has been a constant contention put forward that the governments should be responsible for public welfare. This essay discusses both sides of this argument, and then I will give my own perspective which is the governments should hold accountable for the public services as they must pay back to its taxpayers  
  
On the one hand, some people think that pouring money on the public health care and the education can reduce the national competition of one country. Both health care and education cost a huge amount of money to build schools and hospitals, and also long-term costs such as recruiting and operation will incurred. As a consequence, the governments have to invest more money on this public welfare, while other important sectors such as technological innovation will be underfunded, which weaken the competitive advantages of the whole country.  
  
On the one hand, some people think that pouring money on the public health care and the education can reduce the national competition of one country. Both health care and education cost a huge amount of money to build schools and hospitals, and also long-term costs such as recruiting and operation will incurred. As a consequence, the governments have to invest more money on this public welfare, while other important sectors such as technological innovation will be underfunded, which weaken the competitive advantages of the whole country.  
  
Personally, I believe the governments welfare services should be funded by governments, which is a way of paying back to the taxpayers. Governments collect tax revenue from people and invest money into various sectors to improve the quality of people's life, and this is the reason why the governments exist.  
  
In conclusion, although the public welfare imposes financial burdens on the governments, which may reduce the competitive advantage, I think it should be responsible for it, as this is the core function of a government and also a way of paying back to taxpayers  
  
Can any one give me a band score for this, thanks!
Zeng, you are using too many memorized phrases in this essay for it to be considered a piece of original work. You use the same template for each discussion paragraph and only change a few key phrases so that it represents one of each discussion points. Easy for you to write? Yes, good for your scoring? A big fat NO! You are proving to the examiner that you can only memorize key words in English but you are not capable of varying your presentations in order to prove a strong English vocabulary.  
  
Your opening paraphrase alone sounds like it has been memorized many times over from your book lessons rather than you learning how to properly develop original sentences. This essay is not presented in a manner that will get it a passing score because you did not put much effort into writing it. While your reasoning is good, the way you presented it shows that memory work was involved rather than analysis and thinking.  
  
This being your first essay here and due to the memorization feature of your presentation, I am not going to score this essay. You know what your possible score for this will be. I will score your next essay, the one that shows more variation in writing skills and other scoring considerations. This one, just shows a lot of memory work in your writing.
## **Physical Activity Survey**

  
  
*Your company blames some work-related accidents on employee's low level of physical fitness. The Human Resources Department of your company is surveying your opinion on how to promote a healthier lifestyle amongst its employees. The major question is whether the company should build a large gym facility on the company's premises, or pay employees to sign up for physical activities whether they choose.  
  
Option A: Company Gym: Large located in the company building. Employees will have 24-hour access to a large variety of fitness equipment and personal trainers  
  
Option B: Neighborhood Gym or Activity: Monthly cash allowance for any physical activity of their choice.  
What option that you prefer? Why do you prefer your choice? Explain the reasons for your choice. Write about 150-200 words.*  
  
I believe that doing exercise will enhance our physical and sanity health. However, building a large gymnasium in the company appears to be a non-profitable investment. Therefore, I think the recommendation of being a neighborhood with the fitness center is the better idea.  
  
The advantage of a monthly cash allowance, first of all, encourages individuals who wish to go to the gym without making any payments. They could have thought to participate in some physical activities, but the fee could be one of the elements that they avoided facing with. Also, providing cash in advanced is a useful method to boost the desire for those who want to achieve a healthier lifestyle. They could try to rearrange between work and physical exercise to attempt good health. Regarding the reports documented by The Human Resources Department, there were several accidents associated with physical fitness, this solution in some way could reduce the situation mentioned.  
  
To the contrary, building a large gymnasium require enormous expenses and does not guarantee that the entire employee will access the facilities. Therefore, option B contributes to the purpose of safety health and maintains the financial equilibrium.  
  
Eventually, I strongly agree with the allowance plan due to its benefits and its outcome toward our employee well-being.
Good question, both options have positive and negative side,  
  
Option A, requires large initial investment and kinda take a bit freedom but when you look on business side, its good option bz u will get payback and the company will save money from going out and gym will build more connection btn employees.  
  
Option B, Much freedom to employees but how you make sure employees will be committed and you spend money now you give them cash, are they going to spend buying burger or paying for a swim? ,I think you should focus on how you will ensure your employees are not going to waste that cash.
Han, there is a thoroughly confusing statement in your first paragraph. When you said; " I think the recommendation of being a neighborhood with the fitness center is the better idea.". A neighborhood with a fitness center? You are not talking about the place of residence of the employees, you are talking about their place of work. The proper term to use is "workplace with a fitness..." The workplace is where a person works while a neighborhood is where he lives.  
  
Paragraph 2 should have been spilt into 2 paragraphs. The first paragraph will be all about the benefits of option B. The second paragraph should address a justification as how Option B will help to reduce the accidents in the workplace. That part of the essay is severely under explained.  
  
Your concluding paragraph need not be a continued comparison of Option A and Option B. Rather, you should have simply indicated that due to the previous discussion paragraphs, you are strongly convinced that Option B is the best choice for the employees.
Han, this is still an opinion essay. That means you need to take only one stand and defend it. You don't need to make a comparison then explain your decision. The options are meant to help you make a decision based on the available information. So you should be discussing this from a singular point of view only. That way you won't find yourself running short on words based on the maximum word requirement. For example, I would have said:  
  
*My office tends to experience work related accidents which can be attributed to the lack of physical abilities of a person. The HR department believes that by promoting an interest in a healthy lifestyle, these accidents can be prevented. However, they are unsure as to whether to build a gym at the office or if the company should just pay for offsite gym memberships. I tend to support the latter choice.  
  
By paying for an employees gym membership the company...  
  
Finally, the company sponsored health club membership...*  
  
Focus on discussing what is important in the essay. That would be:  
1. The topic  
2. The reason  
3. Your decision  
4. Supporting statements for your decision  
  
These can be represented in 4 paragraphs at the most using a 5 sentence format per paragraph. Don't confuse yourself by trying to discuss the 2 POV's. That is why you ran out of words to use.
## technology effect on the communication among people

  
  
**Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology.  
In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships that people make? Has this been a positive or negative development?**  
  
Stepping into the 21st century, technology has appeared to develop strongly, which automatically impact on the relationship of human through many distinct ways. In my view, there are both positive and negative effects.  
  
The technology innovation has significant influences on various relationships. Social network and Internet devices allow people to contact with each other were it not for meeting. For typical example, Singapore professors organized an interview with my Vietnamese teacher via the skype software to decide whether he was gotten scholarship or not. In addition, the advanced technology is used to provide not only knowledge for students through several education websites of teachers without going to the tutorial center but also updated news or information over the world. Besides, many people add new friend or find people who they are able to relieve moods due to using social network such as Facebook, Twitter.  
  
State-of-the-art technology brings about both positive and negative effects. In the bright side, interacting by the form of social networks, like email, yahoo, and phone help people save time and travelling expenses, also the performance is not lower than face to face meeting. Instead of choosing a vehicle and a suitable dress, people can be at home and using the Internet to work even if they ignore whether. In the dark side, new communication technology can lead to isolating people and discouraging real interaction. Some people are immersed in the virtual world as well as making friend online rather than establishing real relationships.  
  
In conclusion, it is true that technology advancements play an important role in these days but we should not abuse using the Internet to get a healthy lifestyle.
## IELTS task 2: Internet vs newspapers

  
  
*Topic: Although more and more people read news on the Internet, newspapers will remain the most important source of news. Do you agree or disagree?*  
  
In this day and age, the number of people surfing the Internet to update news is becoming larger.While many argue that newspapers will not lose its status as the most significant source of news, I believe that the Internet will be as popolar as newspapers.  
  
On the one hand, I believe that newspapers persist in being a vital source of news. Firstly, there may still be individuals loyal to this traditional way to update news, particularly elderly people who have less chance to access the Internet and can spare time to devour a newspaper for seeking news. Secondly, newspapers will be able to remain a trustworthy source of news because it is written and edited by a professional unit of journalists.  
  
On the other hand, it is more likely that the Internet will be equated with newspaper for two major reasons. One important reason is that the Internet is a convenient and fast source of news. In fact, anywhere one go, only with a smartphone connected with the Internet, he or she can update news in the country or around the world easily just by surfing and tapping. Another reason is sharing news capacity of the Internet. With Internet applications such as Facebook and Youtube, every individual can not only read a certain piece of news but they can also share it to friends and others so that those people are aware of, make comments and express their own attitudes towards the news. As a result, there may be much more interaction among readers rather than reading newspapers alone.  
  
In conclusion, I do not agree with the opinion that newspapers will remain the most important source of news, but I believe that the Internet will play an equal role to newspapers.
Tran, you are being asked a question, "Do you agree or disagree?" You are not being asked "Do you think newspapers will survive the internet?" Why did you change the topic for the discussion? Did you not understand the question? The prompt instruction is answerable by agree/disagree and should only be discussed from a single point of view. This is not a dual POV essay that allows you to have "maybe" for a response.  
  
Not convinced that you made a mistake yet? Let's go into details then:  
  
*Original Instruction: Do you agree or disagree?  
Response: I believe that the Internet will be as popolar as newspapers.*  
  
BTW, the term is "popular" not "popolar". Be very conscious of the terms you use and how you spell it. Several spelling errors will mean greater LR deductions due to a lack of proper English vocabulary use and understanding. You already bungled this essay with the incorrect TA action, try to limit your mistakes to at least lessen your overall deductions and leave you at least closer to a passing mark.  
  
Your concluding statement, where you placed your response to the prompt is incorrect. That is an integral response that is required as part of the thesis statement in the opening paragraph. Simply put, you were asked a question at the start of the essay and therefore, you should also respond to the question at the start of the essay. The body paragraphs should only be used to provide your reasons and supporting statements for your response. You cannot discuss your disagreement as a dual sided discussion. If you say you disagree, then that is the only point of view you should discuss within the 3 body paragraphs that allow you to reason out based on your POV for the essay. This is not an extent essay that allows you to "partially" support both sides. The concluding paragraph should merely sum up the discussions you presented in the body of paragraphs with a repeat of your direct opinion as an agree/disagree sentence to remind the reader about what the discussion is all about.
## efficient teaching by punishment?

  
  
*It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at the early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn the distinction.  
  
To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?*  
  
Many people believe that punishment could be a significant tool which helps children realize the difference between right and wrong things. I totally agree with this opinion.  
  
It is clear that the children who are at early age do not have a fulfil comprehensive awareness. Hence, it is too difficult for them to distinguish what is should or should not. For example, there are a brunch of cases of fighting among students when happening conflict. As the result, their teachers usually require them to write a paper to self-judge on their activities and announce to their parents.  
  
The other reason what I suppose that should have punishment is that assist the children grow further. On the ground of that when they are punished within their mistake which help them make clear that they need to be responsible for what they did.  
  
However, what kind of punishments should adults use to teach children? In my opinion, I reckon that all punishments could be accepted excluding both mental and physical violence. On the ground of that violence just bring only fear, self-conscious to them instead of the firstly goal of using punishment.  
  
In conclusion, I completely agree with this opinion which supposes the efficient teaching method within punishment on children, except using mental and physical violence
Minh, this essay will get an automatic failing score during the actual test due to the lack of words written. The requirement is that you write a minimum of 250 words for the essay. You only wrote 214 words. There are points deducted for each missing word leading up to the minimum word count. The lack of word count on your part indicates the following:  
  
1. A lack of ability to write in English  
2. A lack of familiarity with English words and its meanings  
3. A need to improve your English sentence structuring skill  
4. A need for you to do more practice exercises in terms of improving your English writing skills.  
  
The main problem with your writing is that you are always writing less than the required minimum number of sentences per paragraph. Had you written at least 3 sentences per paragraph, you would have been guaranteed at least 250 written words and as such, could have had your essay considered for higher scoring consideration covering all 4 brackets.  
  
The paragraphs lack proper topic foundations and supporting sentences. Adding examples based on personal experience of public knowledge would have also helped push this essay towards a passing mark at the very least. Please remember not to pose a question in these essays. Offer responses in each paragraph instead in order to avoid redundancies. Irrelevant details such as repeated questions tend to affect the overall clarity of the presentation. This is to be written in an opinion discussion format. Therefore, no questions should be posed, only responses to the questions provided. The examiner already knows what the questions you need to respond to are.
Hi Kacee,  
  
You did a nice job with your essay. Good intro, solid conclusion, and you had plenty of citations and data.  
  
In total, paragraph 3 is the only one which is against immigration, and paragraphs 4, 5, 6 , and 7 all support immigration. Maybe condense paragraphs 6, 7, and 8 into just two paragraphs, and add another paragraph which describes the opposing view against immigration. Maybe address issues such as violence, overpopulation, or language barriers (sorry, I'm personally not too educated on the subject). Anything to offer more sympathy to the opposing side, as this shows a more balanced and well-thought-out argument.  
  
Also, you said the RAISE Act proposes things which have already been proposed before. Maybe go into detail into the other pieces of legislation which propose these things and which administration enacted them.  
  
Also, maybe cite a famous economist and share their take on immigration to give your essay that much more credibility. Maybe Milton Friedman, Richard Freeman, or Thomas Friedman (he's a journalist, but has a lot of credibility with economics).  
  
And if this is a personal issue for you, maybe share a personal experience you had which demonstrates the positive side of immigration (unless this makes your essay too long).  
  
You have great organization and understanding of the content. Other than that, there were a few nit-picky editing corrections which I'll list. Great job!  
  
Editing:  
Paragraph 3:  
-"Economist" should be "Economists"  
  
Paragraph 4:  
-"toi" should be "to"  
-"...productivity. (Immigrants)."; no period before citation  
-"jobs" should be "job"  
-"However, it has ^been proven otherwise."  
-"...welfare. (Immigrants)."; no period before citation  
-"views" should be "view's"  
  
Paragraph 5:  
-"Even though, it ..."; no comma  
-"believe" should be "believed"  
-"Those who have viewed have also ..."; revise this sentence for clarity  
  
Paragraph 6:  
-"there is higher..."; "is" should be "are"  
-no comma after "states"  
-"in concerns with..."; change "concerns" to "relation"  
-"there is positive ..."; "is" should be "are"  
  
Paragraph 7:  
-"than not what Americans would rather do.", do you mean "what Americans would rather not do"?  
  
Paragraph 8:  
-"solely hear to"; "hear" should be "here"  
-revise the final sentence for clarity
**Topic: Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree.**  
  
Nowadays, more and more people attend higher education. In my opinion, I strongly agree that both genders are equally provided with the opportunities to study in each major.  
  
To begin with, balance in the number of students in different genders make the classes become incredibly lively. It has been regarded as a lesion participated by the equivalence of males and females that is really interesting for them to absorb knowledge. With a very high competitiveness of showing opinions between men and women, students are encouraged to be more active in learning as well as more social to share their own ideas with friends. A ton of amazing concepts might be invented and developed ranging from academic understandings to personal lifestyle, which results from equal attendees of both genders. Students additionally learn from their friends of different sex about their thought, perception; moreover, they can easily mutually respect each other and create deeply networking later time.  
  
Additionally, students get more chances to find their proper careers. For instant, there is a prejudice that IT or technology are generally considered to be suitable for males, which somehow reduce the opportunities for female students to study in these subjects. Providing that universities accept both men and women in the same rate, they help society to find the most favorable and qualified future labor force since student have the similar permit to study to pursuit their dreams.  
  
By way of conclusion, I reaffirm that students should be equally selected into universities regardless of their gender.
Nguyen, you have a TA response problem in your prompt paraphrase. The question is not whether the university should provide equal opportunities to study in each major. The question is whether an equal number of genders should be admitted in each course. There is a difference between equal number of students and equally provided opportunities. One refers to people and the latter, refers to the courses. The question refers to the number of people per gender in each course.  
  
Major LR problems as well, a lesion is a region in an organ or tissue which has suffered damage through injury or disease, such as a wound, ulcer, abscess, or tumor. You are referring to a lesson which is an amount of teaching given at one time; a period of learning or teaching.  
  
Your overall discussion is not in accordance with the prompt requirements. Your discussion is way off base. It is incorrect and, due to the severe errors in all 4 aspects of scoring consideration, what you have here is a failing piece of essay writing. It will not get a passing score in an actual test. Why? Your essay does not begin to properly respond to the prompt requirement until the 3rd paragraph. Which means you have written an essay that is also lacking in the required word count because most of your discussion is unrelated to the task.