dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
I have to say, this is a very impressive task 1 presentation. It is almost totally accurate in representing the data. Almost totally accurate because you missed some information in the summary overview. You left the reader with lacking information when you said; " in the 3 food group products". What 3 food group products? You should have mentioned that as part of the information run-down in the same manner that you indicated: "..." That is definitely the way to go with the summary overview presentation. Letting the reader know about what information is presented in the chart early on helps the reader keep track of the information you will be providing and makes a self - explanatory understanding as to why the information needs to be presented and how.  
  
I have a question though, where did you get the reference to the consumer price index? It doesn't show up anywhere in the original image. Just wondering. If it wasn't part of the original discussion, you should not include it as it misrepresents the information you are giving the reader.  
  
When you write the plural form of vegetables and groups, and crops, you don't need to place an apostrophe at the end of it. You are representing the plural forms, not ownership forms of the words. Additionally, when referring to consumer indexes for the past 6 years, you don't need an apostrophe S at the end of the word index. Your spelling of the word is wrong and so that made the word usage wrong as well. You misused the punctuation marks in both instances, which will be GRA deductions based on improper punctuation usage. It will also result in lower LR scores because you improperly used the word representations.  
  
As per GRA considerations, you should not use the "word in the middle of dashes" either. That is not really an academic writing form. A comma used just before the word "just" would have sufficed to show a pause prior to continuous reading of the sentence.
What type of subjects at schools?  
  
I'm preparing IBToefl and has this question. I'm not sure whether my essay can get higher score or not. Therefore, I'm consulting someone who can provide me great advice.  
  
Question: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: "It is more important for students to study art and literature than it is to study math and science." Provide reasons and examples to support your opinion.  
  
Essay:  
There are tons of things to learn, but it's very important to put a barrier on what to study and what do not. One could compare the importance of art and literature or math and science. If I forced to choose, I disagree with this statement. It is my firm belief that studying math and science will bring greater benefit, and I will develop this idea in the subsequent paragraphs.  
  
After all, math and science can exploit the human brain by improving reasoning and decision-making. Through the subjects and pieces of training in math and science, a person can think neatly and confirm the cause and effects. Fast and good decision-making is one of the most important skills to master, as it will be used in our daily life. This skill is useful for both our professional and personal life. I have to admit that it is profoundly influenced by my own personal experience. Every work I have been doing until this day requires good decision-making skills. After improved my knowledge of technical reasoning, I can do faster and precise cost and benefit analysis, and this has improved my decision making drastically. If I haven't focused on them, I would never reach to today's position of senior economist at the central bank of the country.  
  
Moreover, the knowledge of math and science is considered more important than art and literature in the corporate world. Math and science knowledge is often evaluated during the job enrollment process, and even more many employers are putting requirements on these areas. They don't want to provide pieces of training on math and science subject and the job requirements are simply demanding the person to have such knowledge and skills. Looking back to my first job experience, the executive director of the company has admitted that my grades on statistics and economics were a crucial factor. He said, the writing skills can be improved through a short time, but the technical knowledge requires more time and effort.  
  
In light above-mentioned reasons, I am sure that math and science can push the student forward, and help him to find a strong spot in professional life.  
  
END  
  
Thank you very much for your time and guidance.
Hi! Firstly I think you have achieved the task response. Your big ideas are quite clear.  
However, I think the introduction is too simple and informal. You should make it more academic. You also make a grammar mistake in this part: "If I forced to choose, I disagree with this statement" -> "If I were forced...".  
  
In the next two paragraphs, you provide clear big idea, but the supporting ideas are too long and sometimes irrelevant. You should use more complex sentence as well as upgrade you vocabulary to reinforce your ideas.  
  
Good luck!
Always maintain an academic tone. Never use phrase such as "tons of" or " don't want to". "Tons" of" can be referred to as "Several" or "numerous". Go for academic equivalents. This is an academic paper so there is no room for casual English or conjunctions such as "don't" instead of the more proper "do not". You also need to pay attention to the way that you use the word "I" in present tense. That is always followed by the singular reference pronoun "am".  
  
You need a more TOEFL centered approach to the essay. You accidentally mixed the IELTS approach to paragraph paraphrasing and outlining in your essay. The TOEFL essay requires you to immediately discuss your opinion in the first paragraph and, you must include an outline of the paragraph discussion topics to help give you some guidance while developing your paper. The TOEFL test focuses more on the clarity of your discussion than anything else so you need not concern yourself with the scoring rubic used for the IELTS test. The TOEFL is scored using a different set of considerations.
## The Table analysis, report

  
  
The table below gives information about the temperatures and hours of daylight in 2 cities in May 2007. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.  
  
The table shows the data of temperatures and daylight hours on three continuous days in May 2007 in Mumbai and Moscow cities.  
  
In general, the temperature in Mumbai was significantly higher than Moscow during the same period examined.  
  
While the minimum temperature in Mumbai was constant at 29°C throughout 3 days from Friday to Sunday of May 2007, the maximum temperature in Mumbai had a slight change. In which, the highest temperature was observed at 35°C on Saturday, and it was the same at 33°C on Friday and Sunday. The daytime was 10 hours in 3 days with the morning and evening started from 6 am and around 4 pm, respectively.  
  
In contrast to Mumbai, the minimum and maximum temperatures of Moscow were much lower with a temperature range from 3 to 10°C, and it was warmest on Saturday when the temperature reached 10°C and was stable for whole day. Whereas, the temperature of Friday and Sunday showed a slight fluctuation with 4-degree and 6-degree difference, respectively. On the other hand, the hours of sunlight were one and a half higher than that in Mumbai when the sun rises at about 5 am and goes down at 10 pm  
  
*
Excellent writing. You made proper comparison points and clearly stated the information provided using a proper mix of simple and complex sentences. However, there were a few grammatical issues in your presentation. The first problem, is that you use the phrase "In which" at the start of a sentence. The phrase you chose to start the sentence with is only used as a connecting phrase between two related ideas in a sentence. It signifies a continuing discussion based on additional information. That is why it can never be used as a sentence starter.  
  
In the last sentence, you indicted that the sunlight was higher. Actually, the sunlight measurement is never higher, it can only be longer or shorter. The heat of the sun can be measured in terms of highs and lows, but not the rate of sunlight.  
  
A word of advice, when actual data is provided, do not use words of estimation nor indicate counter data such as "about 5 am" Instead, use the actual time provided for information accuracy. You should avoid using uncertainty in your presentation whenever possible to help you gain a better TA plus C&C score.
## an effective and permanent help for poorer nations

  
  
**Topic**: Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
  
It can be regularly seen that more developed countries are used to giving out financial aids to assist poorer ones. However, I think that it is inefficient and developed countries should apply other types of help.  
  
On the one hand, money is not a long-term assistance but a temporary and immediate help. Developed countries can not provide money continously and when the poorer ones use up the fund, they will be back to the old situation. For example, if USA open an international institution in a underpriviledged country, the pressure of facilities, teaching quality as well as students' assurance may force the government to stop the institution whenver the foreign funds is gone. Moreover, giving out financial aids may make other countries dependent and they will find it challenging to solve their own problems.  
  
For that reason, I think priviledged countries should try out other types of help with the poorer ones with regard to their obstacles. For example, creating more job opportunities for the poor is a valuable and helpful assistance that appeals to almost all of poor countries. People can have the chance to improve their lives after attending the job center and learning about the jobs suitable for themselves. After graduating, they can choose to stay with the job center to be a tutor or leave and find their own jobs in their hometown. That way of helping will create a long-term and permanent labour resources for the country.  
  
Overall, money is not an effective and permanent help because it do not prove it efficiency in the long run. Therefore, the developed countries should consider other types of help such as engaging the poor in more job opportunities.  
  
(Please help me check this IELTS task 2 essay and give me a band score. Thank you so much!)
Hi! I'm grateful to be a part of this supportive community. Already got 7.5 for IELTS writing on my last attempt and I'm aiming for an 8 for writing this time. Please have a look at my essay and let me know what I can improve on. Really appreciate your input. Thank you very much!  
  
## The impact of living in different places on children

  
  
**Essay Type:** *Advantages & Disadvantages*  
**Topic:** *The nuclear family is well adapted to move geographical due to its size. Do you think children benefit in any way from moving? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?*  
  
It is perceived that the traveling lifestyle fits conjugal families well because of their convenient size. This essay will argue that the benefits of this outweigh the drawbacks. This essay will first demonstrate how the experience of moving enhances children's understanding of the world as well as their problem-solving skills, followed by an analysis of how the primary disadvantage, namely the disruption of a child's education can be tackled by the homeschooling option.  
  
Firstly, the crucial advantage of moving geographically for people at an early age is the understanding and appreciating of cultural differences. Through living in different countries, they learn to immerse themselves in new cultures, get exposed to various religious traditions, and communicate to people with different points of view. As a result, they will be more likely to become the true citizens of the world and can adapt well to life in any country they choose to live. For example, a new study showed that children who traveled with their parents from a young age have developed better cultural sensitivity than those who did not, thus being able to connect and expand their network easily. Living in different countries also forces the kids to cope with a variety of new challenges: making new friends, learning new languages, eating new foods....These experiences turn them into excellent problem solvers in all aspects of their lives. For instance, recent research in America also pointed out that people who traveled a lot when they were young have found more success in their careers thanks to their exceptional problem-solving skills.  
  
Those opposed to this say that moving frequently disrupts the children's education when they have to keep on adjusting to a new school every time their parents move to a new place. However, this can be solved by the homeschooling alternative. Thanks to the continuous rapid innovation of technology, now parents can equip their children with cutting-edge knowledge through online study courses and resources.  
  
On balance, the fact that living in different places from an early age develops the children's awareness of the world around them and their decision-making skills clearly outweighs the concern regarding the children's study.
I find it hard to believe that you scored a 7.5 in your first take of the test. Not with the way that this essay is written all over the place and without an actual focus on the discussion prompt instructions. Not only that, but you wrote 375 words. You, an experienced test taker should know the hand written limitation of writing within the 40 minute time frame. Do not try to deceive me. You did not get that score on the test that you took. You are a test retaker, nothing more. By the way. you are far from getting an 8 with this presentation. Don't try to psych out the people here. You are not telling the truth about your test score or your writing abilities.  
  
The sentence limit is 5 sentences per paragraph. You are again, showing how you are trying to lie to people here by over writing in your paragraphs. You are to write on point, in the quickest way possible. You are writing an academic opinion paper with preset parameters. Stick with the guidelines. Do not think yourself extra special. You do not have a place here if you already scored that well in your first attempt. Just do what you did the first time and you will score an 8. Or so you think.  
  
You do not need help. You are trying to show off for no reason. The mere fact that you changed the prompt discussion requirements already shows that you failed the first test. Otherwise your English comprehension skills would have been at the point where you knew exactly what the essay is asking you to discuss and how, without going overboard.  
  
It will be difficult to advise you because I know you are not here to learn. Go and take the test. You probably think you will pass this time anyway.
To @Holt: First of all, thank you for taking your time to give me feedback. However, I find it very inappropriate to frame someone you barely know with "lying" by your subjective opinion and use personal attacks like "Do not think yourself extra special"... I came here with the intention to learn but it seems like I came to the wrong place. To be honest, if you have so much hate to put out into the world and you think everyone is pretentious, you may need to work with yourself first before giving people feedback.
## gender prejudices and media impact

  
  
In this day and age, in light of the significant changes in technology, human beings have profoundly been influenced by new media accompanied by people's perceptions shaped in the world. Some people are of the opinion that dozens of press are lessening the inequity in gender, whereas others are in the view that mass media activities aggravate gender prejudices. It is my firm belief we take both viewpoints into consideration.  
  
To begin with, without doubt, the media is partly responsible for gender inequality. A typical example is the film industry, women are almost always victims sensitive information leaking (personal photos, dialogs, paperworks and documents). Regarding this issue, some parts of the public are sympathetic and condemn those who spread the private materials. While others are more curious, judging and, in some cases, even body-shaming.  
  
On the other hand, the media also plays a crucial role in curtailing gender discrimination. With the rapid development of technology, communication, social networks, women nowadays have ample means to raise their voices to protect their rights. For instance, if a short video or an audio recording with discriminatory content is spreaded on the media, almost immediately, the victim will be protected by public opinion. The noteworthyscandal of abusement of actresses, female singers in Korea or the abuse of actresses inHollywood are typical examples. These will never be brought to light without the involvement of the media.  
  
In conclusion, it is undeniable that media has both merits and demerits. However, I do reckon that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks due to the aforementioned reasons.
I am not sure what English test you are practicing for or what prompt you are responding to . Therefore, the best advice that I can give you for this practice essay will be related only to the grammar issues of your writing. You may want to provide the prompt and test type next time you post an essay here so that your work can be better reviewed. Thanks.  
  
Try to use concise language at all times. Avoid using overly used phrases such as "In this day and age". It will be better for your writing to use simple words that convey a deeper meaning such as currently, now, or today. "Aforementioned reasons" could just as well have been effective had you simply said "reasons". Or "considering" in place of "In light of". Use descriptive words that actually describe what you are trying to say. Saying "... that dozens of press..." doesn't make as much sense as "... dozens of press people", which is what you were referring to in the statement. Know the difference between the ownership and plural form of a word. "Victims" is the plural form of "victim" while "victim's" describes ownership. It is the latter word that you wanted to use in this essay.  
  
Since you are discussing your opinion in this essay, it is not advisable to use words of uncertainty that would show an indecisiveness on your part. "Almost always" should therefore be "always" in the presentation. Use an active voice in the essay. Don't use the passive , "... the victim will be protected by public opinion". Be active by saying "public opinion will protect the victim."
## children's educational investment

  
  
Task 2: Children's education is expensive. In some countries, the government pay some of or all of the costs. Do the advantages outweigh its disadvantages?  
  
In current years, governments allocate their state budgets for supporting partly or totally children's education due to its expensive fees in some corners of the globe. While I accept that this has negative effects on individuals and governments. This is more likely to have outstanding influences  
  
On the one hand, spending a great deal of money on children's education will affect either economy or society. Focusing on children's instruction impact directly on the expenditure on other important aspects. For instance, the healthcare system or infrastructure are not concerned by the government, which is held back from development owing to the lack of attractive investments. Families without children feel unfair when this taxpayers contribute a lot of money for national budgets, which links to social instability.  
  
On the other hand, the above demerits are outweighed by merits. Children's education brings well-educated citizens because children are nurtured in great conditions. Children are encouraged to engage in other fields such as musical instruments, art, dance, ...which help children comprehensive development both physically and mentally. The government creates favourble condition for poorer backgrounds being able to attend to schools equality. In addition to that, parents' s financial burdens are relieved that they can have more money to spend on food, medical care for them. As a result, illiteracy rate will be reduced, and it may significantly contribute to the development of the country due to better workforce.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that the advantages of children's educational investment are more considerable than the possible disadvantages.(250 words)
You should not aim to write only the minimum number of words. You have to write at least 275 words so that you an ensure an increased scoring potential overall. When you write only the exact number, you will meet only the minimum requirements for scoring. You want to score more than a 5 right? So write over the minimum requirement. That way you can allow the examiner to fully assess your writing skills pertaining to the scoring rubic.  
  
Your approach to the discussion lacks a focused and partnered approach. Case in point, each of your paragraphs have connected A/D discussions, but you tend to insert unrelated information within, which makes the essay less focused in its presentation. The connected discussions per reasoning paragraph are:  
  
Par. 2: spending a great deal of money on children's education will affect either economy or society. Families without children feel unfair when this taxpayers contribute a lot of money for national budgets, which links to social instability.  
  
Par. 3: The government creates favourble condition for poorer backgrounds being able to attend to schools equality. As a result, illiteracy rate will be reduced, and it may significantly contribute to the development of the country due to better workforce.  
  
Had you developed the essay using these related topics, your C&C score would have definitely been boosted to at least a 5 band score, meaning the overall essay could score better than just a passing score. Your reverse paraphrase is missing from the concluding paragraph. You need a repeated explanation regarding the topic, reasons, and suggestion at the end to properly close the essay.