dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Q:  
*Modern technology now allows rapid and uncontrolled access to and exchange of information. Far from being beneficial, this is a danger to our societies.*  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
*And here is my essay, please check it for me and score it out of 9. Thanks a lot!*  
  
The world is on the threshold of technological advancement, in which information can be disseminated and exchanged expeditiously. However, the opponents still maintain that state-of-the-art digital devices are an impending threat to our lives. From my perspective, I partially agree with the aforementioned point of view.  
  
On the one hand, the mushrooming of news sites with innumerable sources of information has corrosive effects on netizens. First, due to being overwhelmed with loads of uploaded content, unratified contents such as provocative films, violent scenes are slackly managed. For this reason, these evils can be accessed without age restrictions, which may abuse individuals' physical and mental health, namely aggressive behavior, reaching puberty earlier, and even addiction. To clarify, children who play violent games without supervision tend to act deviantly and audaciously, and an addicted one may risk their life on guns and swords as they frequently do in games. Moreover, kids watching provocative films are proven to reach puberty earlier than usual, as well as develop harmful paraphilia. Those detrimental consequences are not only limited to children but also stretch to adults. Second, a large part of online news is uncensored and unverified. Therefore, individuals may be exposed to misleading information, gradually leading to distorted views and attitudes.  
  
On the other hand, expeditious internet dissemination will be a fertile breeding ground for gaining knowledge if all the aforementioned threats are properly managed. First, with a sundry of news sites and shared documents available, people are able to keep abreast of the latest regularities and social shifts freely. Second, the digital world with information exchange facilitates online study courses to be available, make education accessible to rural students. For example, The Science of Well-Being of Yale University, which is one of the most popular online psychological courses, has inspired millions of desperate people and navigated them to a brighter outlook on life. Moreover, learning online encourages self-study and learning at an individual's own pace, which will gradually improve self-discipline if performed properly. Last but not least, information access diversifies teaching methods, from mundane speech to vivid videos and presentations. In this way, the quality of education can be improved.  
  
Having discussed both viewpoints, It is my conviction that overwhelming information dissemination poses a threat on our lives. Nevertheless, its wonderful impact on our gaining knowledge.
There are 2 errors that will result in a failing score for the prompt restatement. The incorrect portions are:  
1. The world is not on the "threshold of impending advancement", the world is already in the middle of technological advancements and shows no signs of slowing down. This is a slight misinterpretation of the original topic basis.  
  
2. Why is there a mention of "state of the art digital devices"? The original prompt left no word regarding these instruments of communication. Where did the writer get the idea that these should be mentioned as a part of the paraphrase? It's addition created a different discussion focus that will result in a failing interpretation score.  
  
As for the writer's opinion, his statement is incomplete. What would have completed it is the establishing sentence that he used in the concluding paragraph. The extent of his opinion as presented is really lacking since it does not establish the short reasons that would support his point of view.  
  
The discussion itself is also inappropriate. For this type of extent essay, the writer should stick to one opinion discussion. That means, both reasoning statements should take one topic that he can discuss based on:  
  
1. Why he agrees with it  
2. What reasons he has to also disagree with it / only partially support it.  
  
His current presentation does not establish these measured reasoning discussion points. So the essay is not as effective as it should be. It would have done the reasoning paragraphs better if he had paid attention to delivering the correct discussion format to show that he actually understood what the question was asking and how it should be discussed.  
  
There are problems with his discussion presentations as well. By presenting several reasons in the paragraph, but not appropriately developing the connecting discussions, he has created paragraphs that lack cohesiveness. He should focus on creating solid connections within 2 related reasons only, no more than that. Otherwise, he ends up with a paragraphs that lacks thought and reasoning development. He produces the current low scoring discussion paragraphs.
I got several misleading informations in the essay outside what have been corrected by Holt;  
  
1.*Moreover, kids watching provocative films **are proven** to reach puberty ...* what's the proof?  
2. *On the other hand, expeditious internet dissemination will be a fertile breeding ground for gaining knowledge **if all the aforementioned threats are properly managed.*** Meaning that if the threats are not managed well, people can not obtain knowledges from internet at all?  
  
The writer should be very careful for giving their opinion to avoid reader's misinterpretation
**Q:** ***People should follow customs and traditions when they start live in a new country.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
**A:**  
Many people assert that newcomers should adapt to the customs and traditions of their soon to be residence in other countries. In my opinion, I completely agree with this viewpoint because it can eliminate the cultural border.  
  
In terms of social life, having an insight into the customs and traditions of other countries makes it much easier for you to make new friends and expand your network. This means that foreigners can avoid unfortunate mistakes concerning customs and traditions. For example, in Vietnam, people commonly take a nap at midday, so a meeting with indigenious neighbors occurring right after lunch may be considered as an inconvenience for the locals if newcomers do not acknowledge this particularly unique custom.  
  
As regards career, assimilating into a new culture can generally improve your working life. This is all attributed to the fact that new employees can better manipulate their daily actions towards their colleagues and leaders, who play an integral role in both their promotional opportunities and working environment, to their advantage. Consequently, they will appear to be much more professional and respectful at work. Moreover, in some specific careers relating to customer service, complying with the customs and traditions possibly help them better understand their clients so that they can provide them with the best service possible and evade further irritating already angry and irate customers.  
  
In conclusion, customs and traditions of a new country should be obeyed because it can bridge the cultural gap, resulting in advantages in both social and working life. However, people should also avoid abandoning their original culture for every culture should be well preserved.
This is a well thought out and properly developed essay. The prompt restatement and writer's opinion came in strong and well represented. It delivered on all scoring consideration points and will be given a very impressive preliminary score. It is specially strong in representing the discussion basis for the writer's opinion.  
  
Both aspects discussed as consideration factors are valid and deliver clear supporting reasons for the writer's previously stated opinion. The writer understood that the correct discussion format for this type of question is a single opinion defense presentation. This understanding helped to create a very cohesive and coherent discussion presentation. The paragraphs relate to one another and highlight aspects of the discussion that prove the validity of the writer's way of thinking.  
  
A slight error occurred in the summary conclusion though. While the presentation presented a solid summary within 2 sentences, the 3rd sentence is what forced the closing statement error. The error was caused by the sudden reference to an unrelated discussion point which resulted in the introduction of a new topic. Such a reference created an open ended essay and a prompt deviation at the same time. Needless to say, the paragraph will receive point deductions because of this last sentence but it may not cause the essay to receive a failing score in the end. The good performance early in the presentation worked to prevent that from happening.
## who is responsible for choosing education program for children

  
  
While some people argue that central authorities should decide the subjects that children are taught at schools, others think that teachers should be responsible to choose the program. This essay will discuss both points of view and give my personal opinion.  
  
On the one hand, central authorities should decide school subjects because of the following reasons. First of all, the government takes responsibility for guaranteeing the quality of the national education system. They can compare the programs of various schools and know deeply the strength and weaknesses each of education program. Therefore, they can decide on the standard of education levels and opt the effective programs.  
  
Secondly, the government has broad knowledge and experience in many different fields. Then they can decide the suitable curriculum to help students improve their knowledge and skills. In addition, the government has a high awareness of society's requirements, so that they can opt for the subjects of each education level to help students have great abilities in their future careers.  
  
On the other hand, teachers should be responsible to decide the curriculum. First of all, teachers have numerous experience in teaching students. They understand deeply what subjects are helpful for students. Teachers can sensibly arrange the order of the lessons in a subject and give useful advice to put what lessons suitably each level. They also can upgrade fast new methods or new information in teaching so that they know how to help students learn better. As a result, they tend to determine education materials based on student's favorite. Furthermore, if students are allowed to choose their favorite subjects, they will have much motivation to study. They will have more chance to enhance their strengths.  
  
In conclusion, both central authorities and teachers play an important role in opting for national education programs. In my opinion, central authorities should hold varied seminars between the government and teachers to select the best contributing opinions. Then, the government gives the sample program and opens the feedback from teachers before they decide official program. In addition, during using an educational system, they have to manage closely and upgrade it.
The topic restatement is well presented. It clearly separates the 2 public opinions in the presentation. However, the writer has not clearly presented his opinion in the appropriate sentence. The writer's opinion should clearly indicate which of the 2 topics he supports or, if he has a totally different opinion from what has been presented. This is the final preliminary TA score consideration that establishes the required opinion clarity.  
  
A problem arose with the discussion presentations. Since the writer is tested on his grammar accuracy, there is an expectation that he would know how to use pronouns to differentiate his personal opinion from the public opinion. The use of 3rd person pronouns in this essay is incorrect as it does not reflect a public opinion but rather, a reference to a plural subject (government). Pronouns should have been used to refer to the opinion source as the explanation basis instead.  
  
Now, this essay is facing a failing score due to a missing summary conclusion. By integrating his personal opinion into the conclusion, he created an open ended discussion. The result of which is an automatic failing score. The personal opinion should either be integrated into the public opinion assessment or, as a stand alone 3rd reasoning paragraph.
## The average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories

  
  
The bar graph compares married women and married men in terms of the median hours spent on housework, childcare or gardening per week in 3 sectors.  
  
In general, the amount of time that women spend doing unpaid work is considerably more than men. It is noticeable that the wives need to do more work when they have more children, while there is a reverse trend in the husband's cases.  
  
It can be seen from the graph that women without children spend 30 hours working on weekly housework or gardening. By contrast, families with 1-2 children consumed more wife's hours per week, at approximately 51 hours, 21 hours higher than who have no children. The figure for those who have three or more kids even higher, at 60 hours.  
  
On the other hand, unpaid work doesn't cost much time of married men with nearly same amount of hours for categories of no children and 1-2 children, at around 19 hours. Furthermore, the amount of work done by husbands slightly fells by 2 hours when they have more than 3 kids.  
  
*
in 3 sectors.  
The 3 sectors should have been listed as the 2nd sentence requirement of this paragraph. A basic paragraph is composed of at least 2 sentences covering 40 words mimumin. An academic paragraph is composed of at least 3 sentences, with a maximum of 5 sentences per paragraph. The choice as to the paragraph sentence number depends upon the exam taker. Aim for at least 2 sentences next time to complete the summary overview. The more sentences you list, the better for the summarized information. Just make sure it is relevant to the shortened information presentation.  
  
women  
husband's  
If one is referring to husbands, then the women should be referred to as the married women, wives, or mothers. Whichever descriptive word best suits the information presentation. Improve the word usage in reference to alternative references.  
  
It can be seen  
Do not refer to something seen in the graph because it appears that the writer is asking the reader to look at the graph. This is something that cannot be done since the idea is to use creative descriptions, without exaggerations to create the analytical report.  
  
doesn't  
Avoid the use of contractions since the GRA score is based on academic writing knowledge considerations. Write the full words to show a stronger and more extended English writing ability.
## more and more people are going to other countries for significant period of time, either to find job or to study

  
  
In this day and age, the number of people who have a tendency to go abroad for studying and working purposes is on the rise. It is undisputed that this trend can bring certain benefits while living abroad might also be a challenging period of time. This essay will discuss both the pros and cón related to this issue.  
  
On the one hand, there are numerous advantages which can be reaped from staying abroad.  
Firstly, heading overseas might be a chance to broaden people's horizons. In other words, there is a great opportunity to contact the multicultural community so they will be more open-minded and adaptive as well as have a great deal of experience in life. Moreover, working or seeking jobs abroad can potentially lead to a better quality of life. This is because  
  
foreign countries not only provide up-to-date teaching methods that help students absorb knowledge as much as possible but also more job opportunities with high salaries and better perks.  
  
On the other hand, despite several merits, living abroad can also have demerits that are worth mentioning. Firstly, studying abroad requires a great deal of money for tuition fees and living expenses which are extortionately expensive. Therefore, the family might suffer from a financial burden that is beyond their ability. People not only face financial problems but also other challenges and difficulties such as language barriers, feeling of loneliness, and isolation. To be more specific, language barriers make people get into trouble with communicating and understanding their friends or colleagues. Furthermore, they could also encounter culture shock including the difference in lifestyle, and cuisine. This can result in feeling homesick and isolated in a new environment. Those hardships could have a detrimental impact on their mental health.  
  
To sum up, studying or working in different countries could be beneficial and harmful in various aspects. From my perspective, I suppose people should take them into careful consideration to find their own way
I believe that the writer has confused the topic focus of the essay by indicating both studying and working as the topic focus. Since there is no reference to this in both the old and new IELTS task 2 questions list, it is possible that the writer tried to makeup his own prompt. This led to the confusing combined topic reference that makes this essay impossible to discuss accurately since the 2 reference subjects have differing discussion targets. He must post the original prompt next time to act as a review guide for his essay.  
  
The restatement is difficult to follow based on the aforementioned reasons. It becomes further confusing to decipher the discussion track due to missing opinion and thesis statement. It is also noticeable that the focus of the discussion is only on the study aspect with little to no reference to the work aspect. This is further evidence of an incorrect essay prompt. I am afraid I cannot proceed with reviewing this essay without knowing what the real prompt is about.
## IELTS WRITING TASK 2 : OWNING A HOME

  
  
**In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people.  
Why might this be the case?  
Do you think is a positive or negative situation?**  
  
In modern society, the house is a crucial necessity that should be accomplished to live in. Many people believe that it is prominent to buy people's own house rather than rent. In my view, this comes from the need of feeling safe; and I think it is positive. I would like to explain more details about my opinion by giving some reasons.  
  
Why are people supposed to buy a house? One reason is that by owning a house, people will live in a permanent place without any threats that force them to move or even cause homeless. Compared to renting a house, they are risked by many possible situations that can negatively impact people's lives, such as having problems with the landlord and raising the cost. Therefore, having a house is vital to making life safe and comfortable. Another reason for owning a house is that people are possible to live in better financial conditions. Even though purchasing a house is very expensive the first time, people can manage their expenditures better after that. The fact is, When renting a house, the hirer should pay the cost every month so they are limited to allocate the income for other beneficial aspects, for example, pursuing an education. Thus, it will be hard for people to make a big step in their life.  
  
Based on the given information, I believe that the condition when people prefer to have their own house rather than rent one is positive. This is mainly because by owning a house, people will have a more stable life so they can focus more on developing careers or education. Moreover, this situation can also lead to a decrease in homeless people.  
  
To sum up, people have the desire of owning a house because they want to have a secure life and better finances. This situation affects positively since the house owner is likely to have a better life and possibly create a better society.
I cannot help but wonder if this user is even listening to me when I make observations and corrections, as well giving advice for the improvement of the essay presentations. The problems remain the same, meaning the writer has disregarded previously given improvement references. Additional problems have even shown up in this essay that further prove that the writer is not even trying to improve his vocabulary and sentence development skills. Several words are incorrectly used in the essay which create confusing and non-understandable sentence/paragraph ideas.  
  
A clear writer's opinion is not provided since he only "think(s)" that the provided opinion might be correct. So he failed that task requirement immediately. The writer is also fond of using empty sentences and rhetorical questions, both of which unnecessarily lengthen the essay. There is a time consideration to keep note of that should be followed without fail. These are actions that will ensure once again, that the writer will not produce a passing score essay. The essay has too many problems for this writer / exam taker to actually know what he is supposed to be doing and how he is supposed to be discussing these essays. With all of the example essays available here, that come with free advice for improvement based on previous writer errors, I am really puzzled as to why this writer cannot improve his practice essay presentations for review.  
  
I do not see any way of helping this student going forward since he appears to be incapable of understanding the observations made with regards to his previous writing problems. He is not capable of taking advice or learning from freely given advice either. This being his 3rd essay for review, marked improvements rather than increasing writing problems should be seen. Due to his lack of improvement and increasing writing problems based on word usage and sentence formation, among other problems, this will be the last consultation I will be giving this student. His lack of ability to improve his writing skills cannot be blamed on me since I keep repeating the same advice, with additional observations and improvement references for new problems with every essay he presents here for review.
The map potrays the development of a town from 1990 to 2005.  
  
Overall, from 1990 to 2005 the city centre show impressive developments in businesss sector, accomodation, and transportation.  
  
An airport was built next to a school in the northeast town, while the southeast development saw a new ferry port linked to a new railway from the east to the west town. The goverment demolished the houses and developed the three apartment blocks in the southwest. In the northwest, there were three apartement bulidings at the edge of the lake, replacing a big house. Two houses were developed in the northeast town near the hospital.  
  
When it came to other developments, in terms business sites the supermarket in southwest was extended after demolishing the houses and some trees. Other changes showed the factory in the southeast was costructed after removing houses and green areas around railway station. School and hospital remained stable in a 15-year period.
The map potrays the development  
a town from 1990 to 2005.  
- This is an incorrect summary in the sense that the number of maps indicated are not equivalent to the years indicated. There will be at least 2 maps present in this report. These maps should be separated as reference images in the summary based on the year reference. That will help the paragraph meet the 2 sentence summary qualifier.  
  
I will commend the writer for trying to achieve the proper comparison balance in this report through the use of old and new infrastructure references in each paragraph. Though the grammar is not perfect, it is understandable and achieves the aim of this essay which is to provide a clear before and after urban design development for the city. Good job !