dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
*Some people think that people who chose a job early and keep doing it are more likely to have a satisfying career life than those who frequently change jobs.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?*  
  
## one career path or experiencing different sectors?

  
  
Essay:  
Whether employees should regular switch their jobs or not has arose a strong controversy among concerning people. Despite the benefits of changing jobs, it is my opinion that having a long commitment within a field is more advantageous.  
  
On the one hand, there is a variety of reasons why staffs have a tendency of choosing to seek for new jobs. Firstly, it gives workers an easier access to master a wide range of vital soft skills. In deeds, the more job seekers start new jobs, the more different skills their learn from various working environments. For instance, some financial analysits who are extremely professional at analysing financial statements and economic trends, may find it interesting to learn presentation skill when they move to be spellbinders. Secondly, a number of seniors find suitable paths after failing at serveral first jobs. Let's take a Vietnamese businessman - Quoc Anh as a telling example, not until the age of over 40, after leaving some positions as manufactoring managers in many factories, did he become succesfull with starting-up a retail outlets chain.  
  
One the other hand, I believe that staying long in the same sector is beneficial in some ways. Initially, staffs are bestowed upon the chances to get fast-tracked promotion in their career laders. It is undeniable that with longer periods of dedication for the thriving of the organizations, employees are more highly appriciated. Besides, they also earn bigger remuneration package to meet their needs such as luxurious cars or houses. Further more, commiting with a job is conducive to strengthening the brandnames of employees. Irfferutably, on the ground of deeply understading about the companies they work for, staffs thoroughly aware of strengths and defficiencies of the businessese so that they could contribute valuable and crucious ideas to improve the productivity. As a result, they mark themselve on other's respect, leading to increase their job satisfaction.  
  
By the way of conclusion, although switching jobs time by time can be advantageous in their own ways, it seems to me that developing career path in the same sector bring more bright sights.
Dongz, I am not going to continue reading the content of your essay because you already made a mistake in the TA section of the scoring bracket. You did not respond properly to the discussion question, which means that your TA score will be 1. That indicates that your response is not in accordance with the prompt requirements. Such a score, added to the other GRA, C&C, and vocabulary problems of your presentation means that you will not be able to get the minimum score of 5 with this presentation. Respond properly to the TA section requirements and you are almost guaranteed to get at least a 5 or 5.5 in the final scoring presentation.  
  
The correct response to this, based on your remaining discussion would have been, "I partially agree with this statement." It is the response to the question " To what extent do you agree or disagree?" that provides the 2 paragraph reasoning discussion for this essay. You instead said; "It is my opinion..." You were not being asked for your opinion directly. You were being asked for the amount of agreement or disagreement that you have with the statement based upon a personal opinion. Those are 2 different presentations. Your approach was more of a direct response to a direct question approach. However, the approach for this essay was an explanatory opinion explanation in the body of paragraphs instead.  
  
It would do you well to read more sample essays from this forum in order to better familiarize yourself with the various questions and response methods for the Task 2 essay. By learning from the advice already given to others, you will speed up your learning process in terms of proper essay writing and response requirements because you will avoid certain mistakes immediately in your writing style.
Dear Holt,  
a great thanks to you! You give me extremely valuable comments. Would you mind giving me additional comment on this edited version (I just replace the introduction)  
  
Thanks!  
=====================  
It is true that some employees believe that commiting with one career path is the best way to gain advantages rather than regularly switching jobs. Personally, I agree with this perspective. The reasons for it are twofold.  
  
On the one hand...
Hi, everyone!  
I'm a new member here and I'm a IELTS beginner, so I really hope that you guys will help me to improve my writing skill. I'm very thankful if you point out my mistakes and give me as many as possible advices.  
  
## Fitness for Both Body and Mind at schools

  
  
***There are some people opine that students need to be emphasized on physical activities while others think it's better if let they complete the logic subjects at school.***  
  
Education in schools has become one of the most concerned issues in every country. As the result, students have been spending more and more times focusing on hitting the book than doing exercises. There are several reasons for this phenomenon, also a host of strategies with regard to encourage children to be more active.  
  
Firstly, learning biosciences is the major foundation for a child's growth. It is the initial step from which children gain their knowledge in particular areas such as environment, science, social life and so on. When they get older, it is important for them to hold a degree or a diploma so that they apply for jobs. The other reason for the increasing in studying subject at school is their obtaining achivements in the future may contribute to country's development, which the government cares about. Thus, an abundance of educational policies have carried out and schools have been raised in number.  
  
However, we should not take physical activities for granted. Doing exercises plays a pivotal role in our health. You are definitely unable to accomplish the task effectively without a good physical statement. The school board of managers should run more physical education classes as a part of their curriculum and take place as many as possible sports competitions. As well as, parents are suggested to stimulate their children to take part in outdoors playing when they were little. Finally young generations are able to set up their own public clubs or groups regarding to sport and draw others to join in.  
  
All in all, burning the midnight oil or engaging in sport, each has its own benefits, but if we know how to combine both properly, we will get the most effective solution and the better result.
Hi Phoenix, hope that I can help.  
  
I am sorry but I'm afraid you might be off topic. From the question you provide seems talking about two groups of people, one claimed physical activities is important while the other emphasized on logic/academic subjects. However from your respond on the introduction paragraph you stated nowadays student spend too much time on academic than that on physical.  
  
If it is a 2 sides plus opinion question, you may have to (i may be wrong, so it is only a suggestion, you are always welcome to show me your way):  
  
1. paraphrase the question + your opinion  
2. 1 side view  
3. the view of another side  
4. your opinion (some people like to put that to 3rd paragraph, is all up to you)  
5. Concluding paragraph, paraphrase of the question again + summary of the body paragraph + your opinion
Hi everyone, this is the first time I post my essay on this page, I really hope to receive help from someone. Thank you so much :))  
  
## collecting money from a job or focusing only on studying?

  
  
*Topic: Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university  
Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this.  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience*  
  
Answer:  
  
It is a big argument between have a part-time job while study at university or not. I think it is not necessary to take a job when we are studying.  
  
On the one hand, you will have more experience when working for a company or store,.. it will make you more mature and adapt to society easily when you graduate. It would be better if you have a work relates with you major what you're learning at college, as a result, your knowledge will expand and understand deeply what you learn not just theory, Furthermore, we can earn money from jobs. This money really useful for tuition fee, buy what we need. Especially we know more about the value of money and have more responsibility for using these. With a job, you can extend your relationship. It will have positive impacts on your future if you do with the right way.  
  
Everything always has 2 sides to it. Besides the advantages. It has some disadvantages we need to considerate. If you have a job, it means you need to spend a lot of time on this. Besides, you are a student in university, you come up against learning. It requires time and concentration to have a good result. Instead of working why don't you think about to join some communities to develop yourself and focus on learning to have a scholarship and an excellent certificate after graduated.  
  
In conclusion, while we study at university, it would be better for spend time learning or others thing than working.  
  
Thank you so much : ))
@lehuuquyen  
Hi! Your language is neat but I have a few suggestions.  
  
1. Make sure that the content of your essay is relevant to the prompt. You wrote about "taking a job *when we are studying*", while the topic should be whether to "take a job for a few years *between school and university*" (in other words, whether to work for some years after you graduate from senior high and before you enter uni".  
  
2. Focus on one or two ideas and explain them with more sentences. The first sentence of your second paragraph, for example, is about becoming more mature by working in a store. Your essay's logical line will be more clear if you could add a few sentences, explaining why working in a shop and having more experience would make a person more mature. My revision:  
  
*First, taking a job would help young people gain social experience. For example, high school graduates who work in a shop have to interact with customers with different occupations and social status. Exposed to a wide variety of people, these teenagers would have a more in-depth understanding of society before they enter university. They are thus likely to have better inter-personal communication skills and adapt to society easily.*  
  
3. You should add one or two examples from your own example, as is required in the topic.  
  
Keep up and good luck :)
Le, your response to the task does not respond to the discussion being asked. Your opening paraphrase is also incomplete as you are not introducing the reader to the discussion topic and reason for the discussion. What you did was a prompt deviation as evidenced by the following error:  
  
Instruction: Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this.  
Response: I think it is not necessary to take a job when we are studying.  
  
This is a comparison essay, not a single opinion discussion. It must discuss:  
1. Advantages  
2. Disadvantages  
3. Justifications / examples  
  
Each paragraph should refer to 2 reasons which can be merged into a completed 5 sentence discussion. For example:  
  
*There are two advantages that can be experienced by people who work before attending college. A person can gain intellectual maturity during this period of time because he will most likely be working in a line of work that is of interest to him or is related to his potential college major. By experiencing the work before deciding on a major, the future student will be able to decide whether or not he actually wants to pursue this line of study in relation to a future career. This intellectual maturity allows the student the student an opportunity to truly consider his college degree options, without having to change majors as a currently enrolled student. He may opt to change his college major prior to actually beginning his formal academic lessons in the university.  
  
In as much as the above is a strong advantage, there is also a considerable disadvantage to working between studies. That is, the student, who will be earning a salary may decide to keep delaying his college studies. Eventually he may decide to not go to college anymore. In which case, he limits his professional growth and chances for job promotions and other career related advancements.*  
  
You do not need to present a series of advantages or disadvantages, you need to present connected discussions of the reasons as I did above. Only by presenting a comprehensive discussion, that connects 2 reasons in one fluid discussion can you truly represent proper advantages and disadvantages in an essay.  
  
Please practice developing your opening paraphrase and concluding summary in 3-5 sentences. You can read other samples here to help you learn how to do that. The 3-5 sentence structure is the best chance you have of gaining a better C7C and GRA score.
## The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at Queen Mary Hospital since its construct

  
  
The provided maps indicate the modifications Queen Mary Hospital has undergone since its establishment in 1960. Generally speaking, as can be observed, Queen Mary Hospital was becoming much more functional over the period of four decades.  
  
To specify, in 1960, the area was surrounded by a myriad of the shopping centre, hospital, farmland, and car park. After 20 years, in 1980, the shopping area was demolished to pave way for the cancer centre and pharmacy. Simultaneously, farmland was replaced by nursing school, whereas next to it, the car park remained unchanged.  
  
It is interesting to note that the year of 2000 witnessed numerous significant changes. The cancer centre was expanded considerably from the northwest along to the south of Queen Mary Hospital. In contrast, the nursing school shrank and the same situation was noticed in the car park behind the hospital. Finally, the hospital was staying put from 1960 to 2000.  
  
*   
*The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at Queen Mary Hospital since its construct*
Duc, you have not written enough words to get a higher scoring consideration. You wrote only 1 word over the minimum requirement which is good, but limits your ability to portray a clear analysis of the image you were provided. You need to write at the most, 175 words in order to better your scoring considerations using the 4 scoring considerations. It would be best if you aim to write the standard 4 paragraph Task 1 essay in order to achieve the best scoring probability with your task 1 essays.  
  
By the way, this is not a map, it is listed as a diagram in the original prompt so you should have described it as such. This is a keyword that you cannot change from the original prompt because this is an analysis essay. When it comes to the summary overview, stick to the keywords from the original and then change up the words using synonyms in the body of paragraphs instead.  
  
The summary overview is incomplete and does not have the minimum requirement of 3 sentences. It only has the topic sentence and a trending statement. It is missing the mention of the years given for comparison, which would have given the reader a clue as to how the discussion will be outlined and presented in the 3 body paragraphs.  
  
Now, as far as your trending statement is concerned, there are two things of note that you could have mentioned, the first, as you mentioned is the functional development of the area. The other, is that the main road remained unchanged and a consistent part of the developments over the specified years.
## Environmental problems

  
  
*Topic: Some people think that environmental problems should be solved on a global scale while others believe it is better to deal with them nationally. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.*  
  
Nowadays, issues related to environment have grabbed many people's attentions. While some people believe there will be more efficient if countries integrate into solving this problem, others think that each country is more likely to find its own causes and apply appropriate measures. To my way of thinking, I realize that it will be better to solve environmental problems on both global and national scale.  
  
On the one hand, it is undeniable that it will be necessary for all of countries to explore their own methods reducing negative effects on our surroundings for various reasons. Firstly, each country currently has been facing its own environmental issues which may be different from others. Therefore, it is probably more convenient if countries, in a way, search for their own causes thus implementing some policies to alleviate certain problems. To some extent, dealing with detrimental impacts on environment independently, more or less, helps governmental offices manage and control more easily. Hence, the government can also contribute to spread a plenty of campaigns about environmental protection.  
  
On the other hand, there is mounting evidence that solving problems about environment on global scale possibly brings more merits for countries. In our fast-changing world, there are many developed nations launching programs to stimulate interest in keeping the environment from harm as leaders. As a consequence of those campaigns, others probably follow and learn more about numerous methods to apply for their own countries. Furthermore, co-operation among many countries around the world may trigger to internationally environmental workshops. Those seminars focusing on young generations have been giving them more chance to enhance their abilities and be aware of global concerns thus gradually creating a strong network of handling environmental problems.  
  
In conclusion, based on what I have analyzed, I believe that countries all over the world should have a hand in preventing as well as protecting the environment.
Chu, this is a 5 paragraph essay based on the 2 points of view plus personal opinion discussion requirement. That means, you need to present 3 bodies of paragraph / discussion reasons covering the following aspects:  
  
1. Point of view 1 - make this the side you don't support, but base the presentation on the required public opinion  
2. Point of view 2 - This should be the side you support, but the discussion should still be referred to from the public point of view.  
  
3. Personal opinion - tie in your reason with a supporting statement for the previous paragraph  
  
Why should the two points of view have a reference to the public statement in its ownership of the discussion? That is because the essay clearly indicates "Some people think..." which refers to the public opinion or general impression regarding a given topic. As such you should use more specific terms like "The parties that say the environmental problems..." and "While the other public sectors say..." so that you can lead into " that is why my opinion is that..." Making for a clear, concise, and coherent discussion per paragraph presentation.  
  
The personal opinion is never included in the concluding statement. That is because it is a specific prompt discussion requirement. As such, it is to be given its own 3-5 sentence paragraph presentation just before the concluding summary. Your concluding summary should only restate the original discussion topic, summarize the reasons for the 2 points of view, offer your personal opinion in a new manner, then close the discussion. The format for the concluding summary is similar to:  
  
1. Topic sentence  
2. Opinion 1  
3. Opinion 2  
4. Personal opinion  
5. Closing sentence  
  
By fully utilizing the 5 paragraph requirement of this prompt and properly presenting your concluding summary, you will gain the chance to have the highest possible scoring considerations for each criteria. I can see your potential to score highly in a Task 2 essay. Your explanations, though not grammatically perfect, are clear and understandable. I was not confused nor frustrated while reading it.  
  
As final note, since this is not a direct question essay, you cannot offer your personal opinion at the end of the paraphrase. That is because of the aforementioned full paragraph explanation requirement of the essay. You should have merely stated the discussion instructions instead as part of the discussion outline presentation and thesis statement in the final sentence of the paragraph.
I think some sentences in your essay are unclear so I suggest some amendments on them. For example:  
  
1. "Those seminars focusing on young generations ..." -> Young generations of countries will have more chances to attend those seminars, so they can together contribute and share their new ideas as well as experiences of the environment protection and raise awareness about the same for their communities. Therefore, a network of handling environmental problems can be strongly created between countries.  
  
2. ... a hand in preventing the degradation of the environment as well as protecting the environment.
## women's fertility rate in the uk

  
  
The line graph illustrates the fertility rate of females in 6 various age groups in the UK over a period of 15 years, starting from 1973.  
  
Overall, while the birth rate of 35-to 39-year-olds recorded the highest figure, the opposite was true for people who aged 40 and above.  
  
In 1973, over 80% of females between 35 and 39 years old gave childbirth, 10% higher than that of women in the first half of their thirties. This was followed by people who fell into the 25 to 30 age group with under 60%. The proportion of females giving birth under 20 and between 20 and 25 was relatively equal, around 35%, over threefold higher than the smallest figure for the 40-and-above age group.  
  
From that time onwards, despite some declines to under 70%, the 39largest birth rate still belonged to 35-to 39-year-olds, compared to a significant decrease to just under 40% of women aged 30 to 35. In contrast, after a slight drop by approximately 5%, the percentage of 25-to 35-year-old and under 20 age groups increased to above 35% and precisely 30% respectively. In comparison, women aged 20 to 25 and 40 and above shared the same stability.  
  
*
The second brilliant task 1 answer i've encountered today! The amount of information contained in the chart was so abundant that i got a little lost myself, but you made your structure very clear. You made some typos while writing (39largest), and i'm worried about your punctuation (35-to 39-year-olds) because i don't know if that's correct or not. Also women aged 20 to 25 did not share a stability; rather a slight drop from just under 40% to 30%.