dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## harsher driving penalties

  
  
The only way to improve road safety is to give much stricter punishments on driving offenses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
  
Over the past decades, the issues about enhancing road safety have never ceased to draw the attentions from public. One of the most common method is stricter punishments on motorists. While I argue that this tendency will deter many traffic participants from many accidents or dangerous situation, I concur that there are alternative ways for this trend.  
  
On the one hand, it is crystal clear that these punishments will be act as a deterrent, so that it may make them think twice before commuting on the street. It could be recognized that the commuters breaking the regulations are seemed to be offenders. Hence, the host of laws should be applied to the participants such as heavy fines, revoking driving licenses... The letter of the law must be used as an optimal way as well as banning perpetrators from the road so they will be no longer danger to road users, including pedestrians. For example, in Singapore, people who drive while intoxicated should be served a prison sentence for the above reasons  
  
Besides some tough penalties for offenders are imposed by government agency, there are other steps to tackle with issues related to road safety. First and foremost, setting speed cameras in the traffic lights location make a contribution to improving the awareness of offenders. Many countries have paid off about applying this method. Secondly, it is necessary to adopt a policy of conducting regular vehicle inspections to avoid accidents caused by mechanical malfunction. Eventually, some campaigns about disadvantages such as overspeed or no use helmet.  
  
In conclusion it is not enough to be tough on traffic crimes by punishing more harshly those who violate the law. A range of road safety measures should accompany harsher driving penalties.  
  
Thanks for reading. I am very pleasurable seeing some comments about my essay.
In your intro, u said "While I argue that this tendency will deter many traffic participants from many accidents or dangerous situation, I concur that there are alternative ways for this trend." what are you concurring about? The question doesn't say anything relating to any alternative ways, so the word "concur" is not appropriate.  
  
Firstly or first, no foremost. "Setting speed cameras in the traffic lights location make a contribution to improving the awareness of offenders. Many countries have paid off about applying this method" and then for what? why is it improving awareness of offenders? Must clarify this idea more!  
  
Others seems good and fine to me.  
Hope u do well in the future :).
@rainhoang  
Hello there! Welcome to the forum. I hope to provide you with writing feedback that would be substantial for your essay in the long-run.  
  
I think that you have quite a strong grasp of the language. Because of this, I heavily suggest that you focus more on the depth and overall content of your essay. Notice how you still lack concrete examples to expound your thoughts and opinions. Incorporating these would enable you to build your essay's information.  
  
Secondly, I also recommend trying to omit unnecessary words in your writing. This would include, for instance, filler words that are unnecessary and inappropriate. Make more concise sentences.  
  
Best of luck as always.
**The topic: Some people believe that children learn better when they are placed in classes with children of similar abilities. Others believe that children learn better when they are in classes with children representing a diverse range of academic abilities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
## learning environment for a child

  
  
Some people suppose that the most effective learning way for children is to collaborate with many children of the similar academic levels. Others believe that it is more productive for children to learn with others having a broad diversity of knowledge, which I immensely concur with.  
  
The collaboration with superior friends brings many benefits to children's learing process. They can accquire more knowledge from various fields, which helps advance their self development accademically. As children study with smart peers, they can be able to explore what they are truly concerned about, which is completely good for their future orientation. Additionally, staying in such that good environment will push each kid forward, which is the tremendous source of motivation.  
  
Besides, such a cooperation with other children of the same levels aslo ripes some benefits. Since they stay in a normal environment like others, they will have an easier understanding about what their friends say. Therefore, they might not feel overwhelmed and confused by complicated things. Plus, the curriculum is not very difficult ;so, they do not feel under pressure much. Moreover, they will pick up new things with the ease.  
  
However, I believe that the non-pressure environment does not create many good children. This means that they might not get a large range of knowledge if they are not pressured or motivated by the environment. They can not be the best versions of themselves in academic aspects.  
  
In conclusion, learning in any environment is still good and brings some specific benefits for children. Nevertheless, whether they can be good children or not mostly depends on patience and determination that they put on their learning process.  
  
I hope you guys will help me correct my writing. Thank you so much!
@JackieMahamn  
Hello,  
I have some suggestions for you:  
- make sure to spell the words correctly such as acquire, academically  
- I don't think "people suppose" really fits in this context. You should use "say" or "think" instead  
- "having a broad diversity of knowledge" doesn't mean "representing a diverse range of academic abilities" (as in the prompt). Maybe you can change it to "different levels of learning capability"  
  
- such ~~that~~ a good environment  
- ..very difficult so they don't feel ...  
- ~~with the ease~~ -> at ease  
- they put ~~on~~ in their learning...
@JackieMahamn  
Hello there! I see that you're new here. Welcome to the forum! I hope you find this feedback beneficial; I also hope that you keep coming back to us for feedback on your writing.  
  
Firstly, I recommend revising your first paragraph to focus more on the structure of your composition. Your transition was not well executed because of the lack of general direction in writing. I heavily suggest incorporating more punctuation and pauses to ensure clarity of speech.  
  
While your second paragraph (and third) are both decent, you can work on enhancing the tone to a more academic standard.  
  
You can merge the fourth and last paragraph together to ensure that you have a more substantive overview of your summation of text.  
  
Best of luck as always!
## MY 21TH SURPRISE BIRTHDAY

  
  
It was my 21th birthday and I was looking forward to seeing my friends. We were meeting at my friend's motel room. This motel room have 4 people who was my classmates. And I was excited and got to the motel room at exactly 7 o'clock the time we had arranged to meet. I was looking for a familiar face, but no one had arrived yet so I decided to wait in front of the motel room and stood patiently in the hot evening sunshine.  
  
The darkness dropped quickly, but no one here. 'Where are they' I thought. At half past seven I was still waiting outside the motel room. So I called my best friend Thuy. 'Why she does answer her phone' I asked myself. Then I called My, Tuyet, Hau, but they didn't answer either. 'What going on' I wondered.  
  
At 8 o'clock, my friends had forgotten my birthday and I felt lonely and miserable so I decided to come back my room. At this moment my friends opened the front door and jumped up. All of them shouted 'Surprise' with the big birthday cake I have never saw it befor, 'Thai make a wish' my friends shouted. After I had made a wish we came in the room and turned on the lights. We together eta big birthday cake, biscuits and drank a big bottle of coca cola. I drank too much coca cola and in the end it was the best birthday I have ever had.
@Thai nguyen  
Hello there. Welcome to the forum! I hope you find all of this feedback helpful for your writing endeavors.  
  
While I adore the presence of elaborate detailing in your essay, I would heavily suggest trying to structure your paragraphs a little bit more. For instance, you lacked transition words and appropriate punctuation (and/or pauses) throughout your first paragraph. I suggest trying to look into areas where you can incorporate this in order to assist you in writing.  
  
Furthermore, it would be beneficial for you to incorporate more descriptive words throughout your writing. If you are able to do this, you'll be able to focus more on adding essential details that would evoke emotion among the readers.  
  
Best of luck as always.
## internet not always useful

  
  
*With the development of online communication, people will never be alone and will always be able to make new friends?  
To what extend do you agree?*  
  
In the few past decades ago, online communicating methods were born to be the bridge to connect many people around the world just by one click or typing on the key board in front of the computer. This invention helps people to be easy on making new friends and talking together without any footprints from one place to another place. But actually, many people in this recently modern world are still alone and being harder to get into a real relationship, this essay will give some specific reasons why we have this trouble in the modern life.  
  
Social network was born to help many people from the very far different distances can meet and talk together easily, what they just need to do is turn on the computer connecting with the Internet and sit there in front of the computer desk from day time to night time for talking and seeing each other through video call. This thing partly dispels the current loneliness, for instance, someone on their business trip so far from their home calling to their family members to solve their instant homesickness or a couple from different countries can talk and meet each other daily through the support of online tools. But it just can help them solve the temporary problem, as flesh and flood human, we all desire to reveal our love to our loved ones by kisses, or hugs ... those actions are only completed by touch from skin to skin. This brings many physical values as well as the scientific evidence.  
  
With invention of the Internet, making new friends have been become the fastest and easiest action than ever before, we can send the friend request to someone new just by one click on the "friend request" button on Facebook or Writter interface, then, we and that stranger become friends, we thought that, is it really simple as we imagine? So it depends on the conception of friendship of every individual. However, in my view friendship means the strong bond between two or many specifics we have interaction, we give our friend a hand when catastrophe comes or we can share everything even our own secrets. Hence, the friendship are happening on the social network nowadays can be called virtual companionship.  
  
All in all, we can not refuse all the amazing benefits which the internet brings for the recent society, but in some paticular aspects the internet could not be useful as well as it have ever been.
@Ann\_Ng  
Hello there! Welcome back to the forum. I hope you find this feedback beneficial for your long-term learning.  
  
First and foremost, I would recommend trying to change the tone of language of your essay. For instance, the first paragraph appears to be rather informal. It would be nicer to have more dynamism with a straightforward approach. If you do this, you'll be able to focus more on curating content with ease.  
  
Furthermore, ensure that you have a structured approach to writing. Try to organize your thoughts with more of a logical sequencing than anything else.  
  
Evade the usage of descriptive terms when you're trying to establish formal lines. Remember to bear this in mind.  
  
Best of luck as always.
@Ann\_Ng  
Hello, I also have some feedbacks for your writing.  
- "Social network was born to help ..." is wrong grammatically. It might become" social network helps ....distances meet...easily".  
  
- " turn on...video call" becomes " to turn on...video call".  
- " calling to.." should become " call or can call".  
- "flesh and flood human" makes no sense in this case.  
- Between" for instance" should be placed between semicolon and comma.  
- " This brings many physical values as ..." is fairly confusing. I actually don't get it.  
-" making friends has been.."  
- " Then" should be between" ;" and",".  
- "catastrophe" is not suitable in this case; instead, you can use "difficulty" or something like that.  
- The third paragraph is pretty confusing.  
\* In sum, You should review your grammar, punctuation usage in coordinators and subordinators such as however, or...  
Actually, this correction just based on my opinion might make some mistakes.  
I hope that you find it useful for your writing.
## Work/Life balance

  
  
MANY PEOPLE FIND IT DIFFICULT TO BALANCE THEIR RESPONSIBILITY AT HOME AND IN THE WORKPLACE. WHAT, IN YOUR OPINION, IS THE REASON FOR THIS? HOW CAN BE BALANCED?  
  
Balancing between work and life duty has been a topic of concern in today's society. It is hard for numerous workers trying to achieve an equilibrium between work time and family time. Personally, serious problems have arisen as a result of this, and the solution needs to be adopted to combat the issue.  
  
There are two primary roots of this trend. First and foremost, facing the number of tight work schedules daily must be taken into consideration. In particular, after working over-8-hour-a-day, the workers also have to burn the midnight oil to tackle some tasks and assignments which must be completed totally before meeting the deadline. It could result in stress and poor health. Additionally, workaholics may neglect their families and friends, which causes breaking off their relationship around them.  
  
One further cause could be the parental roles in sharing their household responsibilities. As I came up previously, recently, almost both parents often work. Thus, they find it difficult to establish the time sensibly to assume childcare responsibilities. It causes the issue of lacking closeness in families. Also, they must pay attention to reduce the heavy workload and make a fair division.  
  
There are several plausible remedies which can mitigate the issue. Firstly, firms should reduce the hectic schedules of their workers and increase the day-off for them to take some regular holidays. This guarantees their health perfectively and working effectively. Secondly, the employee must balance between work time and family time by making a wisely timetable. Lastly, they should be free to leave their jobs to assume childcare responsibilities and spend more time on their home.  
  
In conclusion, the lack of flexibility to take on the duty in their home and the workplace is the main reason, which triggers the crisis. Nevertheless, some measures can be taken to deal with the problem. It is in my opinion that people just work to make ends meet and spend almost the time to rejoice with their families in the beautiful land of life.
Hi, @ Thich Thong Luc  
I would like to suggest some ways that can improve your essay. Hope this may come in useful.  
  
1) The question asks you to identify the reasons and solutions to the problem mentioned, so it is necessary to address briefly these parts in your opening. For example, in the third sentence of your opening, based on your arguments, I suggest rewriting the sentence into something like this: *In my opinion, such problem stems from hectic working schedules and unequal share of household responsibilities, hence the need for sensible solutions to tackle the issue.*  
  
---> This will give examiners brief info on what you are going to justify in your essay.  
  
2) As regards the first paragraph of the body, I think it lacks connection and sounds a bit unnatural because of your vocabulary choice. Here is my suggestion on how you can rewrite it:  
  
- .*... First and foremost, it should be taken into consideration that many workers nowadays face tight working schedules on a daily basis. Particularly, in addition to an 8-hour working day, they must burn the midnight oil to complete more tasks before deadlines. This can result in stress, poor health and negligence of families and friends, thus negatively affecting their personal lives and relationships.*  
  
3) In the second paragraph of the body, I suggest you omit the phrase "As I came up previously" because I think it is unnecessary and in the previous paragraph, you only mention 'the workers' in general but not the specifics (Parents). Furthermore, this paragraph lacks connective words, which makes it hard for me to understand your thread of arguments. Here is my suggestion on how to rewrite this part:  
  
- *One further cause............ Due to increased workload in modern times, many parents find it hard to manage their time spent on childcaring/ to pay much attention to childcaring. This can lead to inadequate bonding between family members...*  
  
\* I don't get the last line of the paragraph, so I cannot suggest where to put it correctly.  
  
4) As for the third part of the body, although it is sensibly structured, I think there may be some misused words such as 'perfectively', 'home' or 'wisely timetable' and redundancy ('increase the day-off for them to take regular holidays'). I also think you may need to change the phrase 'reduce the hectic schedules of....' because oftentimes, 'reduce' means 'make something less or smaller in size, quantity, price, etc.' (Oxford Dictionary), which suggests the word itself usually goes with something that is quantifiable (e.g. the number, the amount,....). Here is my suggestion of one way to rewrite this part:  
  
- .... Firstly, firms should *reduce the amount of workload* and increase *days off for workers*. This guarantees improved/perfect health and effective work. Secondly, employees must *maintain balance between work and family (maintain work-life balance)* by making a *wise* timetable. Lastly, they should be free to leave their jobs to assume childcare responsibilities and spend more time *on their family/with their family*.
@Thich Thong Luc  
Hello there! Welcome to the forum. I hope that you find the previous writing feedbacks to contain the necessary information for you to improve. If you will, I'd like to add in more information from my end to hopefully help you once more.  
  
First and foremost, try to curate more concise sentences. The first step to doing this would be through removing repetitions throughout. This includes, for instance, synonyms that are quite unnecessary. For example, in your first paragraph, you could have omitted the first "time" in the second sentence. While these are small steps, they would certainly help you in the long-run.  
  
While I think that you had quite substantive input on the essay, I would heavily suggest trying to add firmer, concrete examples sprinkled all throughout. Doing this would certainly help you.
@cmedwards  
Hello there! Welcome to this forum. I hope you find this writing feedback beneficial for your endeavors in the future. I'll do my best to help you - and I hope you find this useful. Please do keep coming back to us!  
  
I agree that your text is quite well-written in that you were able to integrate being informative with ensuring that your text has the appropriate written tone to it. I would only suggest trying to incorporate writing techniques that will help you elevate the tone of the essay. For instance, try to not repeatedly mention the word cancer too much regardless of the necessity. Try replacing it with adjectives or other forms of words to ensure that you have more dynamism in your text.  
  
Evade lengthy and hefty sentence structures as well. If you do this, you'll be able to curate information with more ease.  
  
Best of luck as always.
## choice of learning method

  
  
*Essay topics: Some people believe that students in schools learn better when they study in groups. Others say school students learn better when they study on their own. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.*  
  
Nowadays, many believe that group learning will be more effective than individual learning for students, whereas, there is a contradictory notion about the superiority of individual learning. In this essay, will explore both sides of the debate and give my opinion.  
  
To begin with, individual learning enhances the concentration of students. This is because learning alone will prevent pupils from distraction from their teammate's discussion. Especially, to a lot of students who are introverts, it is onerous for them to come up with an idea when they are in crowd. Furthermore, studying by their own will improve the ability of working independently. A group include a lot of students in different levels and some are more talented than others will increase the possibility of develop the habit of just relying on these talented students. When they work alone without support from other, they learn by themselves; hence, their other soft skills like researching, seeking, also improve.  
  
On the other hand, group learning has is own benefits. Several students with different strengths and weaknesses can make up for each other. Specifically, if one person gives an idea and other will develop and nourish it, make it to become the best version of this group by giving their perspectives. Human being usually finds hard to realize their own mistakes so working together is a good way to take improve myself by objective and friendly judgment from teammates. Besides, it will improve teamwork skills of students. Even if you detest working with others but in our modern society, it is unavoidable. Therefore, it will give the students the best preparation for the working environment in the future.  
  
To sum up, two types of learning method have their own pros and cons. In educational environment we can combine these and use them flexibly in particular period of learning as well as in specific students.
@ththao\_99  
Hello there! Welcome to the forum! I'm an active contributor here; and I hope you find all of the feedback helpful for your writing endeavors! We'd be happy if you came back for more. I wish to cover areas that others may have not yet.  
  
First and foremost, while I think that your essay is put-together, I would heavily recommend trying to create more personalized assessments and analyses. Doing this will help you have more depth in your writing.  
  
The lack of concrete (and/or firm) examples is also to be noticed in the text. Some portions lacked substantiation because of this. I recommend focusing on this protion of the text.