dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
*Causes of Land Degradation in Worldwide and Some Regions*  
  
The pie chart gives information about causes of productivity agricultural land of worldwide. The table gives information about the number of land degradation three regions in the world with three reasons. Overall, it can be seen that there are main reasons which causes of agricultural land becomes less productive and the highest total land degradation for 3 regions are Europe.  
  
There is 35 percent of over-grazing which causes of less productivity of agricultural land. The second reasons which cause of worldwide land degradation is deforestation with the percentage is 30 percent. This factor places the second biggest factors after over-grazing. 28 percent is the percentage of over-cultivation, this becomes the third reason of agricultural band becomes less productive after over-grazing and deforestation.  
  
On the other hand, there was biggest percentage of total degradation in Europe during 1990s, which was 23 percent consist of 9.8 percent deforestation, 7.7 percent over-cultivation and 5.5 percent over-grazing. Afterwards, Oceania is the second region which have 13 percent the number of degradation, the highest factor is over-grazing 11.3 percent. The last region is North America Which was percentage of land degradation become the smaller than other region it was 5 percent. (196w)  
  
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hai reski  
I have some suggestions for you  
I hope it helps  
  
... agricultural land of worldwide, **while** The table gives information about (avoid repetition in one paragraph) illustrates the number of land degradation ...  
  
Overall, it can be seen that there ... <<< [b]( the complex sentence is followed by V1)[/b] cause~~s~~ of agricultural land become~~s~~ less productive (...) degradation for ~~3~~three regions are Europe.  
  
... over-grazing which is causes of less ...  
  
The second reasonswhere is the first reason ? which cause of worldwide...  
  
On the other hand, there was the biggest percentage of total .  
  
**there is so many which in your essay try to avoid using same words or we called it paraphrase**  
  
thanks  
good job  
keep writing
The given table shows information regarding the number of states tourist who travelled overseas during one decade from 1985 to 1995 years, measured in million. Overall, it is really important to notice that a high increase was experienced by Japanese tourists who visited other countries. While the number of Canada tourists plunged slightly in the last period.  
  
Initially, in the first year Australia's proportion became the largest one among another state which reached seven point one million of people. It was followed by Canada's figure started at 6 million. While Japanese's level had lower proportion nearly five million of people.  
  
Eventually, in the next following years Japanese's proportion abandoned the others which achieved 15 million. While the number of Australians who visited the other states experienced a stable level. In contrast, a slightly downward was seen in the number Canada's figure by five hundered thousand of people in the last year.  
  
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Hello @delvisyendra, I got some advice for your writing:  
  
number of states tourist(S) who travelled overseas ...  
...~~While~~ (, while) the number of Canada ...  
  
Initially, ~~in the first year~~ Australia's proportion became ...  
~~While~~ (, while) Japanese's level had ...  
  
Eventually, ~~in the next following years~~ Japanese's proportion ...  
~~While~~ (, while) the number of Australians who ...  
... Canada's figure by five ~~hundered~~ (HUNDRED) thousand of ...
The pie chart and the table illustrate information about the factors causing land degradation and how these reasons influenced three selected regions (North America, Europe, and Oceania) in the 1990s period. Overall, over-grazing was the highest factors making land less productive and Europe was the largest land which was degraded due to these factors.  
  
To begin with, over-grazing was the most factors make agricultural less productive, over a third of causes. The second cause is many trees were cut down to industry, so that 30 percent of deforestations caused degradation of farmland. Also, over-cultivation contributed much for this damaging although it was not as much as two factors earlier, just below 30 percent.  
  
On the other hand, Europe had the largest land which was damaged, 23 percent in total, and then deforestation was the key factors make its land harmful 9.8 percent of land degraded. A large group of island in south pacific and its vicinity was the second largest land degraded, 13 percent and overgrazing was the most contribution to damage this land, 11.3 percent.  
  
**(176 words)**  
  
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writing 1 land
Hello @ibe13, I got some suggestions for your writing:  
  
... table illustrate (THE) information about the factors ~~causing~~(CAUSED) land degradation ...  
  
... was the most factor~~s~~(WHICH MADE)~~make~~ agricultural less ...  
The second cause ~~is~~ (WAS) many trees were cut down ~~to~~(FOR) industry, so that 30 percent of deforestation~~s~~ caused ...  
  
... deforestation was the key factors ~~make~~(WHICH MADE) its land harmful ...  
A large group of island in ~~s~~(S) outh ~~p~~(P) acific and its vicinity ~~was~~(WERE) the second largest ...
**Topic:Some people think that man and woman have different qualities and so some jobs are suitable for men and some jobs are suitable for women.To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
(Please give me an appropriate band , tks )  
  
Nowadays , there is ample evidence indicating obvious discrepancy between genders . While some occupations allegedly are appropriate with men or women thanks to their respective personality and genetic inheritance ,personally , I am partly in accord with the aforementioned conception and will attempt to investigate several main reasons .  
  
Foremost , the prominent culprit catalyzes this perspective , as outlined previously , could be disparity in gender's faculty and innate trait . Under banner of female's position , they would significantly encounter numerous obstacles in accomplishing harsh tasks perfectly in some arduous fields , which potentially turns result in work attrition. Majority of citizens believe that household activities are appropriate with these people due to their inborn personality. In contrast , these situations,hence, would be main force of hindrance to male workers , who get used to being a breadwinners , fortifying budget and fostering family's prosperity . For instance , most of well-known companies's CEO are men due to the fact that this position requires stamina and decisiveness possession.  
  
However , the youth generations are given incentives to display their pursuits and respective thoughts to follow their dreaming occupations.Under several circumstances , the converse directions could be true with some special individuals.To exemplify , the German prime minister have outperformed , generated beneficial policies and brought many pragmatic value toward German inhabitants exponentially despite her gender.From my perspective , the innate talent, regardless of sex matters , could be regarded as precursor to enhance their prospective success possibilities.  
  
To sum up , to get pertinent works with their genders could be beneficial . However , citizens , especially adolescent inhabitants should be educated to pursue their dreams .
**Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.**  
  
Children are worldwide future. They have to learn how to be a good person as a part of community live. Some people argue, teach children become a good society member is parents obligation. Meanwhile, others think that school is place where children learn about a lot of things since children have many opportunities to meet people when they are in the school.  
  
In school time, which is started from kindergarten, school is children's second home. They will meet many people, such as teacher, headmaster, and their friends as well. It will make them feel meet with people get communication is common thing. Taking friends as an example, in first time they meet their friend they will get bit nervous but over time they will more confident as they do it every day. It makes them become confident to get communication in society.  
  
However, get networking is not only aspect of good society member since also includes our attitude, behaviour, and respect. All of these aspects are learn from our children time, in our home. For instance, discipline children is formed when they learn about daily habits, like eating rules. Children have been taught to wash their hand before eat and use their right hand to eat. It is a eat law. Frome these children can learn how to be discipline person by their daily activity.  
  
Personally, I believe that both parents and school are the place where children learn about now to be a good member of society. Parents teach them about be a good in individual so that they can be received by ordinary people. Then school teach the get communication to make relation each other.  
  
All in all, children have to be a good person in their local area no matter the place, since whether school and home become place children spent most of their time.
Hi Nuraini, it's a good essay. However, here is some of my thoughts for you.  
  
Some people argue, to teach children become (...) is parents' obligation.  
  
*It will make them **feel meet** with people **get** communication **is** common thing.*  
this sentence is confusing since it contains many verbs. you may say **It will make them feel that meeting people to have a communication is a common thing.**  
  
However, get networking is not the only one aspect of being a good society member sinceit also includes our attitude,...  
All of these aspects are learnt from our children ...  
For instance, ~~discipline children~~children's discipline is formed when they ...  
It is an eat law.  
  
... children learn about **k**now to be a ...  
  
*Parents teach them about be ...*  
**Simply, you may say**  
Parents teach them how to be a good individual in society while how to have a good communication towards others is school's turn.  
  
Keep Writing. Best Regards.
**TED sumary Do schools kill creativity? - Sir Ken Robinson**  
  
Creativity, recently, is as important in education as literacy. Every child has extraordinary capacity of creativity that can be obtained by having a will to be wrong. It does not mean that being wrong is the same thing as being creative. However, nearly all the schools, nowadays, teach the children how to be good at some subjects such as mathematics and science, not on art. This bears hierarchy in education systems and mainly because the education system was developed to fulfil job and industry demand. But, jobs now need not only high education or intelligence but also creativity.  
  
Based on Ken, there are 3 things people know about intelligence. Firstly, intelligence is diverse, it means that people think in many different ways - in sound, movement, visually. The second is dynamic, intelligence is amazingly interactive. From the interactive brain, original idea comes and leads to the creativity. The third is distinct, it means that people have their own way to do some activities.  
  
Ken recommends people to use their not only intelligences but also imaginations and creativities wisely to face uncertain problems in the future. People should rethink the fundamental principles in educating creativity to the children.
Hi Nurul.  
These are my thoughts towards your summary. Hopefully, these can help you to finalize yours  
  
Every child has AN extraordinary capacity (...) by having a willING to be wrong.  
... system was developed to fulfilL A job and industry demand. ~~But~~ HOWEVER, THE jobs now need not (...) but also THE creativity.  
  
Firstly, THE intelligence is diverse, (...) many different ways ~~-~~ SUCH AS in sound, movement, AND visually. The second is dynamic~~,~~ STATING THAT intelligence ...  
The third is distinct~~, it means~~ MEANING (I conduct reducing here) that people have ...  
  
... to use their not only THE intelligence~~s~~ but also THE imaginations and ...  
... principles in educating THE creativity to the children.  
  
Note:  
Actually, your summary is a good job because readers can get the points. However, you still improve your skill for writing. Please, you learn about linking words, reducing, and omitting.  
  
^\_^
Hi nda18. Here are my suggestions for you.  
  
... obtained by having a will ~~to be wrong~~to do unconventional things .  
However, nearly all ~~the~~ schools, nowadays, (...) to be good at ~~some~~ subjects such as ...  
... in education systems ~~and mainly~~ because the (...) developed to ~~fulfil~~fulfill job and industry demand.  
... not only high education title or intelligence ...  
  
..., there are 3 things that people should know about intelligence. Firstly, intelligence is diverse, and it means that ...  
... dynamic, intelligence is amazingly interactive *(where is your conjunction?)* .  
... way to do some activities (add one conjunction or use adjective clause) .  
  
... to use their not only ~~intelligences~~intelligence(uncountable) but also imaginations ...  
... the fundamental ~~principles~~principle in educating creativity to the children.  
  
I hope it can be helpful for you.  
Goodluck!
**Topic :  
Each year, the crime rate increases.  
What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?**  
  
The predominant problem the world face these day is the gradual increment of the crime rate. Several factors become the excuse why the delinquency rate increases. This essay will examine the motives why people commit a crime and discuss some possible solutions to tackle the rise in criminal activity.  
  
The main causes that lead people commit a crime, mostly, because of their social environment and the people they associate with. The social environment, especially the environment they grew up in, take a big role in influencing a person to do criminal activities. Taking the youngsters in Argentina as an example, the Argentina youngsters are growing up surrounded by people doing vice activities will drift them into major delinquencies such as using drugs and violent crimes. The poverty also becomes the chief cause of criminal activities. The poverty in Indonesia, for instance, which increases time-to-time makes the poor do illegal activities such as pickpocketing, fraud, and robbery in order to fulfil their daily urges. Ultimately, the reason people commit a crimes is likely a combination of many different individual situations.  
  
Nevertheless, there are several ways to prevent the increment of the crime rate, or at least reduce its probability. Firstly, the government need to reduce the poverty by giving a proper education to the poor for free. A good education will give them a chance to get a proper job or at least with a better education they can open their own vacancy. Providing more jobs will also reduce the possibility of the criminality. Designing a strict rule in a bad environment, giving severe punishment such as imprison them who commit more serious criminal offences, and intensifying the secure in some places can also prevent the criminal activities.  
  
To conclude, even though many different factors influence people to commit crimes but both governments and individuals can take many steps to combat crimes. If governments and individuals cooperate each other, the increment of the crime rate can be prevented.
Hi nda18. Here are my suggestions for you.  
  
The predominant problem the world face ~~these~~this day is the gradual increment of the crime rate.  
  
... that lead people to commit a crime,...  
  
... in order to ~~fulfil~~fulfill their daily urges.  
... people commit a ~~crimes~~crime is likely a combination ...  
  
... education to the ~~poor~~needy for free.  
  
... and individuals can take ~~many~~ steps to combat crime~~s~~ . If ~~governments~~government and individuals (...) the increment trend of the crime rate ...  
  
I hope it can be useful for you.  
Goodluck.
**Writing IELTS TASK 1 (WORLDWIDE LAND DEGRADATION)**  
  
A comparison of information about the percentage of the main factor agricultural land becomes degradation in the world in 1990s is shown in the pie chart, while the table shows the reasons of less productive farming land according to the some regions. Overall, the predominant factor of global degradation of land caused by over-grazing. Meanwhile, Europe was the worst because of agricultural land degradation.  
  
Some reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive were over-grazing, deforestation, over-cultivation, and others. The over-grazing stood at 35%. There had been declined of 5% in deforestation if it compares with over-grazing. Over-cultivation and other reasons did not give any significant influences in degradation of farming land, only 28% and 7% respectively.  
  
On the other hand, over-cultivation became the most problematic which effect on land degraded in North America at 3.3%. In contrast, the main reason that cause agricultural land in Europe degraded is 9.8% of its deforestation. Oceania land became less productive because of its deforestation and over-grazing, 1.7% and 1.3% subsequently while over-cultivation in this region did not give any problem.  
  
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***Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this.***  
  
Childhood is a condition when person experience changing of life stage. Many people think a parent has to learn children to be able to a party of society. However, the parent is most important sector to improve their social-relationship skill, but i believe that school also have responsibility to learn children about socializing.  
  
Many people argue that children need education in social life from their parent. Parent is the closest person to children. So, parent has a big responsibility to grow their child as a human social who can contribute in society. Because parent know well about their child personality and having an emotional relationship, so it will easier to approach children and it will give an effective way to learn them to be a person who more sensitive in knowing their social lives. However, parent is vital to improving social ability's children, but there are other sectors that have responsibility to teach schoolchildren such as school.  
  
School is place where children spend a lot of time. They study with their teacher. Some people say a teacher has responsibility to teach schoolchildren about ho to socialize with the others. Even, parent is necessary in this matter but school has an important role to increase their life capacity, because a teacher usually to be a role mode. The children may think that the resource of knowledge comes from their teacher. For example, when they are in the school, when they will ask to their teacher about everything. Then they had bad experience because of their classmate. The first person who they asked for help is a teacher. So, school is suitable place for the children to learn about socialize in a society.  
  
To sum up, there are sectors who have responsibility to improve the children's sense of community, such as parent. Although, parent is important person but school also necessary to grow up children's ability in socializing.
Hello Good Morning Miss Bada :)  
  
*Let me give you some suggestions :)  
Actually, I enjoy and easily understand your main idea in your introduction, but I think there are some parts you try to give more explanation but usually you just repeat again your main idea, So I feel those can spends your time in writing. Well, let's discuss about it :)*  
  
--"*Childhood is a condition when person experience changing of life stage*"=> It's better if your adds more this sentences to make it more clearly, due to I think this not yet to cover your general introduction, because "Childhood" is not the one stage which changes in person live.  
  
-- ... a parent has to ~~learn~~*teach* children to be able to ~~a party~~*participation*of society  
  
-- **So,**parent has a big (...) child as a ~~human social~~*social humanity* who can contribute**S** in society.  
... an emotional relationship, **so** it will + **be**easier to approach (...) effective way to ~~learn~~ ]teach[/i][/b] them*how*to be a person who ...  
**However**, parent is vital to improving ~~social ability's children~~***the child's social ability***, but there are other (...) to teach ~~schoolchildren~~***the child*** such as school. => *(I think the main causes of your problem is related to your conjunction, because sometimes you like wanna give more statements on other statements but not against exactly and cause you can seems more stressing your last idea)*  
  
Okay miss Bada, I think you have a nice effort to make it better next time :) Good luck dear :\*
Hello Bada!  
Allow me to give you some suggestion.  
  
Many people think that parents have responsibility to teach their children become a party of society  
In the task, parents -> mother and father  
  
However, the parents is the most important sector to improve children social-relationship skill, but I believe that school also have responsibility to teach children about get networking.  
  
To sum up, there are sectors who have responsibility to improve children's ability to get networking with community, such as parents.  
  
I hope it can help you :)
Hello Fanceen,  
  
I hope these would help you improve your essay!  
  
We often talk about that leadership plays a ...  
  
... to do what he asks  
  
... to do what she likes  
  
She always lets Tim, her boy, to make decisions like ~~learn~~ what kind of instrument he would like to learn or choos~~e~~ing~~where as~~ their family's vacation place.  
  
They won't just listen to ~~the people who is the same age as them~~their peers.  
  
If he does that, who will choose ~~he~~him as the president next time?  
... what kind of competition we will hold~~?~~ .  
  
... especially the one who cares  
  
... boss ~~is~~was such a nice person  
  
it~~'s~~was like his baby. On the contrary,  
  
Soon he quitted the job
The bar chart depicts the visitors who come from four different countries in Japan over 20 year-period and is measured by the number of people. Overall, the main fact that stands out is United States of America led by far than Australia, United Kingdom, and South Africa. Moreover, over the timeframe shown, USA showed a gradual increase while the others fluctuated.  
  
In 1990, the sum of people from USA stood at roughly 45,000. Then, it rose steadily to around 48,000 in 2000 and reached above 50,000 people, which was the highest than three other countries by the end of the period. UK, on the other side, experienced a fluctuation from time to time.  
  
On the other hand, Australia and South Africa had a similar pattern, which increased in the first ten years, but then dropped in the end of the period. Firstly, from 1990 to 2000, Australia grew gradually, which hit more or less 25,000 people, yet it was followed by a dramatic fall to approximately 12,000 in 2010 whereas South Africa initially stood at 10,000 people but then fluctuated to end around 11,000 people, the least than other countries.  
  
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**Hello... Good Morning Mr. Amrillah :)**  
**Let me tell you my opinion about your summary :)  
  
Actually, I think your summary has been perfect ^\_^ because you can success to explore the data by clearly grouping and correctly comparison which easily to be understand and I argue your summary is really informative or rich quality information of the data :) I'm sorry if I can't give you some corrections in this time, due to I really enjoy your summary and I can't found your other mistakes in grammars, sentences structures or tenses uses :)  
  
So Keep Practice Mr. Amrillah, I hope you can do the best in your real test later :)**