dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hallo reski.. after read your essay, i have some notes for you.  
  
1. You need to practice more to make compound sentence so your sentence will be better. For instance in this case :  
... must get income when THEY ARE called up for working. THUS, THEY ~~to~~ do maximal job because ...  
  
2. SUPERLATIVE ->  
... periods which have THE highest creativity, ...  
  
Work voluntarily is usually THEY do ~~them~~ because, they (...) get paid to communities, while their organization which teach them about other skills such as leadership, social life and so on. (i confuse with your sentence here. ~~But~~ YET it can make them ...  
  
This situation does not good to ~~improvement of communities~~ improve the communities, ...  
  
Good luck
**Adult youths are often called up for working for the development of communities. Do you think they should work voluntarily or should they get paid? Give your opinion**  
  
Nowadays, a job for developing communities has taken by adult youths. Some people believe that working for communities should be free while others think, they should get paid. Personally, I believe that all people want to work for their communities without salary, but for some people, it is hard since it cannot be denied, they need money to stay alive. This essay will first discuss about people who should work voluntary, and then talk about others that should get salary.  
  
Volunteerism, a term for defining a job in order to develop society without salary, is usually done by people with age group 18-30 years old. For people who have an occupation, they usually do this in their weekend or in the rest of their workday. Those people are the ones that do not take salary by working in societies. Even they routinely spend their expenditure with aim to communities and public needs.  
  
However, for some people, I agree that they have to give a reasonable paid for working in communities. For instance, the leaders of communities who spend most of their time and effort for better community, they should given a salary. Those people need money as well as other, also for their family. So, it is suitable for them to get some money from working in the communities.  
  
All in all, I believe that people want to work in their communities sincerely. But for people who the work as the main job, giving a salary is something that equitable for them.
... communities has taken mainly by adult youths  
  
... to develop society without ~~salary, is~~being paid, which usually ~~done by people with age group 18-30 years old~~has been executed by the people aged 18 to 30.  
  
For people (...) or in the rest of their workday. --- ... have an occupation, usually tend to do this during the weekends or after the end of their workdays.  
  
working ~~in~~for the societies  
  
Even they routinely spend their ... - They even routinely tend to spend fractions from their salaries with the aim to help/support the communities and the public. (I didn't quite catch what do you mean, by saying "spend their expenditure with aim to communities ").  
  
However, for some people, I agree ... - However, some people, think that they deserve a reasonable remuneration for their contribution to the communities.  
  
For instance,  
the leaders of communities who spend ... - the leaders of the communities, who spend most of their time in efforts to improve our communities, deserve a salary .  
  
These people need money just as all of us.  
  
So, it is suitable for them to get some money ... - You have already state that in the previous sentence - delete or rewrite.  
  
All in all, I believe that people want to ... -- In conclusion, i believe that most of the people want to play a part in the development of their communities, just for their own satisfaction. But for the people, occupated only in these areas, i think it is fair to receive some kind of a reward.  
  
My version of the conclusion part is not really good, so i suggest to just look for the ideas rather than for the grammatical part.  
  
Good luck and keep writing!
**Adult youths are often called up for working for the development of communities. Do you think they should work voluntarily or should they get paid? Give your opinion**  
  
Nowadays, lots of older people are often asked for working for the development of communities as a member of societies. Personally, I believe that they must get paid to complete their need in life. This essay will first discuss about people have the biggest motivation to work if they get well-paid job then talk about people need money to survive and continue their life.  
  
To begin with, owing to the fact that most of people want to work if they know that this job can give much salary for them. According to the latest research of WHO in 2013, 72 percent people have great motivation to work after a company explained about funded that they get and they have maximal skill in their job. As a result, people can show their performance in one job if they know they can get income. I think, if people work to develop their community just as work voluntary, they cannot maximal work. However, there are people in a small scale have high social mental to help their community just as voluntary.  
  
On the other hand, despite to the fact that to continue life need money. People work to get income to fulfill their family needed, such as education for children and they want to save money to them in oldest ages. With reference to the latest KTAMN research in Aberdeen in 2010, 67 percent people work because they need money to survive in their life and they do not want to work if they know, they just get pay with a minimum salary. As a consequence, many people work due to money because in modern era, many requirement of household are expensive and all of it must be completed to survive in normal life.  
  
All in all, as far as I am concerned, I think that people want to work hard, with their maximum perform if because they know that they can get high salary even though there are small scale groups of people want to work as voluntary to help their community to develop today.
Hallo wily.. here i try to give you some notes.. i hope it helps.  
  
... 72 percent people have great motivation to ...  
However, there are people in a small scale have high ...  
  
**1. Be careful if you want to make fake data, because you still need make the data appropriate. Most people know that WHO is one of united nation organization about world health thus if you put this fake data to support your statement about work motivation, it will improperly.  
  
2. Keep focus on complex sentence. After analyze your last sentence in this paragraph, you need to know that 2 verbs need 1 conjunction. So your sentence must be :**  
  
*"... people ... who have high social mental to help their community just as voluntary"*  
  
Good luck
A breakdown of the proportion of pupils who pass from final examination in their secondary school based on subjects and sexes during the period 2010-2011 is provided by bar graph. Overall, it can be seen that computer science was the easiest subject for the girls, and geography was the hardest one for them. Besides, the boys tended to get difficult in chemistry.  
  
Regarding to science program, the students who could pass the physics examination about 36.7% for boy students and for girl students, the graph showed quite little different proportion. Furthermore, the figure for mathematics demonstrated quite the same proportion for both of sexes. Meanwhile, the proportion of boy pupils who success in the chemistry examination was about 14.1%. whereas, the figure for computer science demonstrated about over than 42.1 % for both genders.  
  
On the other hand, in social science program, the percentage for the boys who success in history exam was about 22.9%, and this proportion was lower than the girls percentages in same case. Meanwhile, both of genders experienced quite the same proportion in foreign language subject, and in geography, the boys showed higher than the girls.
Hello pram i will give you some suggestion:  
  
**Regarding to science program, the students who could pass the physics examination about 36.7% for boy students and for girl students, the graph showed quite little different proportion. Furthermore, the figure for mathematics demonstrated quite the same proportion for both of sexes. Meanwhile, the proportion of boy pupils who success in the chemistry examination was about 14.1%. whereas, the figure for computer science demonstrated about over than 42.1 % for both genders.** ....>>> it will good if you make a main idea in the first sentence and then give explanation about that.  
  
Overall, your essay is good, but in lexical resource you use a limited range of vocabulary, but it is minimally adequate for the task. And there was repetitive because of lack of referencing and substitution,
Hello Pram!  
Allow me to give you some suggestions.  
  
... pupils who passed the final examination (...) subjects and sexes from 2010 to 2011, measured by percentage, is provided by bar graph.  
  
..., and geography was the hardest one for them.  
The easiest and the hardest?  
I am afraid that you get misunderstanding about the data.  
The percentage refers to the number of students. It doesn't relate to how difficult or easy the exam is.  
  
Keep better! Fighting :)
**Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?**  
  
In recent years, there are several pressures which come to children's life that contains from academic, social, and commercial sides. However, various causes which make those things happen and many solutions can decrease these problems. This essay will first discuss about getting high score, bullying, and buying new expensive gadget and then talk about changing point of view, choosing good friends, and focusing on studying which is the steps that children must do.  
  
To begin with, children's problem appear owing to many reasons. First of all, teens have to get high score in school which make them stress for being the best at all. This is a general problem in academic which the worst thing can make children get bad score while they cannot survive to fight the problem. Furthermore for special aspects, bullying will give bad impact and it can disturb children's future life. It is totally dangerous and needs to fix as soon as possible. Lastly, having expensive phone is a dream for children. They want to follow the era and always keep updating with gadget. According to the research which was done by UNICEF in 2012, children are the most significant condition in life, so whatever the problems need to anticipate immediately.  
  
On the other hand, there are many actions while can help children from this problem. Firstly, children have to change their purpose for studying. It is not about getting high score, but to acquire deep understanding. It is work if they do it seriously. Secondly, selecting good friends will avoid children from bad effect which can appear from their friends in school. Last but not least, children should focus on their main purpose. It is about studying and they do not need to get all new gadget. Refference to books by Andrew Smith, he said that every problem have their solutions and it is depend on how we act to solve the problem. It is true that reducing problem can be done if there is a will.  
  
To sum up, the causes of problems in children's life have the solutions as well. At least, if the problems cannot be solved, it can be reduced to minimize the negative effects which can grow bigger and hard to fix again.
Hello mardian:  
  
The topic discussion is somewhat progressive and connected within the paragraphs, the lack of transition paragraphs to connect the two unrelated essay topic discussions held back the effectiveness of your discussion, you have to focus on how to develop the idea coherently.  
  
your presents some main ideas but these are limited and not sufficiently developed, there may be irrelevant detail, address all parts of the task although some parts more fully covered than other.
**The bar chart below shows shares of expenditures for five major categories in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan in the year 2009.**  
  
A breakdown about the proportion of four states namely the United state, Canada, United Kingdom, and Japan which share of expenditures for five categories in 2009. It is presented in the bar chart. Overall, it can be seen that, health care were the smaller percentage than other categories, and housing was dominated in four countries.  
  
To begin with, housing and transportation were the higher percentage than others. It showed above 15% in the five countries, where in United State, housing was the most popular as much as approximately 26%. However, Japan have 10% in transportation categories but other foreign more than that proportion. On the other hand, Canada and United Kingdom experienced share expenditures never under of 15% and above 25% in both of categories.  
  
Secondly, Health care and clothing were the smallest proportion for all of countries. It witnessed no more than 6% and Japan just around 2% for health care. However, in the United state showed shares of expenditures in Health care as much as almost 8% bigger than clothing under 5%. On the contrary, food was the highest percentage then health care and clothing. It showed for four countries the proportion more than 10% and Japan was the highest at approximately 23%.(206w).
Hello Reski!  
Allow me to give you some suggestions.  
  
..., health care were the smaller  
smaller -> comparison  
The smallest -> superlative  
  
... were the higher percentage than others.  
higher-> comparison  
The highest -> superlative  
  
However, Japan ~~have~~had 10% in transportation categories ...  
PAST TENSE  
  
On the contrary, food ~~was the highest~~took higher percentage tha n health care and clothing.  
Instead of using those words repetitively, I suggest you these similar words.  
Food = Groceries  
Housing = Accommodation  
Clothing = Dress needs  
  
Hope it helps you :)
***The bar chart below shows shares of expenditures for five major categories in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan in the year 2009***  
  
A breakdown of the percentages of people's consumption in four necessities in four different countries in 2009 is presented by the bar chart. Overall, housing was the most things United States spent much money. While healthcare was the lowest important thing for life demands, especially for United Kingdom.  
  
Firstly, two countries in America continent, United States and Canada had almost the same percentage of spending money for food at around 15%. However, Canada spent much money than United States. In transportation and clothing, Canada overtook the top position of those expenditures by around 2.5%. Nevertheless, US expended one in twenty larger in housing and around 2.5% in healthcare respectively than Canada did.  
  
Meanwhile, United Kingdom and Japan had the largest point in transportation expenditures. However, UK spent 5% larger than Japan did, at less than a fifth. UK expended much money for housing and it reversed in food, in which they had 2.5% of difference. Both countries subsidized money less than 5% in clothing and healthcare. 166w  
  
*   
*bar chart*
Hello Anna!  
Allow me to give you some suggestion :)  
  
... in four necessities for four different countries ...  
  
Overall, housing was the most things ...  
You may use accommodation for paraphrasing housing  
  
US expended one in twenty larger ...  
Unclear sentence, I guess you put wrong data here  
US expended one in twenty larger in housing and around 2.5% in healthcare respectively than Canada did  
US in housing = almost 25 percent  
One in twenty = 5 percent  
  
United Kingdom and Japan had the largest ...  
Wrong data again here!  
US = 17.5%  
UK = 15%  
Canada = 20%  
Japan = 10%  
The United States and Japan had the largest point in transportation expenditures.  
  
Honestly, I couldn't find a clear grouping in your task.  
May your next task will be better. Fighting!
A breakdown about the proportion of pupils in high school who passed their exams based on lesson and sex, during the period 2010-2011. Overall, it can be seen that, computer science is dominated by girls and chemistry is the less percentage than others subject which finished by boys.  
  
There are three subjects that have bigger proportion than others. It experiences more than 40%, foreign languages are 47.4% by female and 46.8% by male. Both of them smaller than mathematics which shows the number of students who passed exams is 48.4% by boys and 49.2% by girls. However, that percentage nearly 50% but computer science is the highest proportion as much as 56.3% by girls. It becomes the most popular by female students but just 42.1% by male students.  
  
On the other hand, in exact subject, chemistry and geography are the smallest percentage than others. It can be seen that just under of 15% for boys who passed chemistry subject and 20.1% for geography by girls. Besides, physics above 30% by both sexes, while history shows 25.6% for girls and 22.9% for boys. (I81w).
Hello Reski!  
Allow me to give you some suggestion.  
  
Remember to use PAST Tense  
... computer science was dominated by girls and chemistry was the less percentage ...  
  
There were three subjects that have ...  
  
foreign languages **were** at 47.4% by ...  
  
~~that~~ the percentage nearly 50% ...  
  
it became the most popular by female ...  
  
Hope it helps you :)
**The bar chart below shows the percentage of students who passed their high school competency exams, by subject and gender, during the period 2010-2011.**  
  
A breakdown of the proportion of schoolchild who finished their high school competency exam by type materials and sexes, covered by percent between 2010 and 2011 is revealed in the bar chart. Overall, it can be seen that the girls who finished computer science was the highest proportion at over than 50 percent and the percentage of boys who finished "chemistry" category was smaller than others at 14.1 percent.  
  
To begin with, there were three subjects that students had percentage at above 40 percent. Firstly, the proportion of females who finished "foreign languages" and "mathematics" categories was always one percent higher than for males at 47.4 and 49.2 percent respectively. After that, the proportion of females who finished "computer science" subject was greater than males at 56.3 percent.  
  
On the other hand, there were four type materials that students had proportion at under 40 percent. Firstly, the percentage of boys who finished "physics" and "history" materials was always two until three percent smaller than for the girls at 34.6 and 22.9 percent particularly. Besides, the proportion of females who finished "chemistry" material was twice bigger than for the males (14.1%). Differently, for "geography" material boys more dominated than girls at 30.4 and 20.1 % respectively.  
  
*   
*question*
Hello Willy!  
Allow me to give you some suggestions!  
  
Percent must follow by number  
It should be "covered by percentage between 2010 and 2011 is revealed in the bar chart"  
  
Firstly, the proportion of ...  
Firstly, the percentage of ...  
Avoid to explain something by using same style of sentences.  
  
one percent higher than the males at 47.4 ...  
  
...was twice bigger than ~~for~~ the males (14.1%).  
Hope it helps you :)
**Adult youths are often called up for working for the development of communities. Do you think they should work voluntarily or should they get paid? Give your opinion**  
  
Nowadays, youngsters sometimes are needed for helping to improve the communities. However, as far as I am concerned, teenagers have to be paid for their contribution instead of do not get salary. This essay will first discuss teenagers which need money to survive and then talk about getting perfect results which need professional way for hiring people, especially accepting salary.  
  
To begin with, adult youths have to get income if they are working in a community owing to the fact that they already have spent their time. If they do not get money, they should move to another activity that can give more benefits to them. It is happen because young people need money to buy food, clothes, etc. For instance, an organisation in Indonesia called Pemuda Pemudi is not existed yet today due to the fact that it doesn't give salary for the team to support the program in that organisation. So, it is very significant to make a community or organisation can exist for a long time. Up to a point, it is true but actually the community does not have source of money, so it is normal for the crew that never get income.  
  
On the other hand, to make a community as professional, it is needed to pay young adults who have joined to the community. They will work with all of their efforts and obviously better result will be achieved to support the development of a community. Besides, they will feel happy and full of spirit to contribute because they get money for doing this. In Denmark, a social community change into big company because the workers was paid as a professional employer. The consequences is that the community will get more benefits rather than just a little outcome to pay the workers. The contrary, it is an obligation to pay a worker but worker (young adult) should think that they can give their kindness for helping community without salary.  
  
To sum up, teenagers can contribute for helping community for free, but to achieve better results, the community have to pay to show the seriousness for getting glory results because the workers need money to fulfill their necessity and to give maximum efforts that they can give.
Hello mardian:  
Overall your essay is good but your presents some main ideas but these are limited and not sufficiently developed, there may be irrelevant detail, address all parts of the task although some parts more fully coveredf than other.  
  
Coherence and cohesions: makes inadequate, over-use of cohesive devices, presents information with some organisation but there are a lack overall progression.  
  
Grammatical range and accuracy: you make some errors in grammar and punctuation but rarely reduce communication
In the globalisation era, children are pushed to be ready for their future live, and this reason causes more pressure for students from academics, social, and also trade perspective. In my view, the main problem of this pressure is that youths should prepare their self to survive in their future live and giving suggestion that it can be solved easily by children is the best way for reducing pressure In young generations perspective.  
  
First of all, in the modern era, the human needs always grow by the time, and people are pushed to be more ready for all changing in their future life. furthermore, children are the first people that should prepare about it. Hutama from Nancy university say that 20 years later, this world will be totally different from right now. If young generation do not prepare it, they cannot survive in that time. this reason put the youths in the pressure circumstance from economy, academic, and also social perspective.  
  
On the other hand, this pressure can be reduced if students enjoy when prepare it. Syukon from Uppsala university say that if people do something that they love, they do not get pressure even just a little. Thanks to this statement, reducing this pressure in students can be solved by giving suggestion that they can prepare it for their future live, and it is their necessity. Moreover, children should be given motivation about that and also inspiration from previous people.  
  
All in all, pressuring children from academics, social and economic perspective is caused by children needs for their future life. suggestion that they can prepare it easily is the best ways to reduce the pressure about it.