dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Some people believe that the only purpose of films is to entertain

  
  
In modern society, people are suffering from a lot of pressure at their workplace and school. There are varying views regarding the way to entertain and overcome stress. It is true that some people think that watching films should be just for entertainment benefits. However, others consider films should educate and bring various meaningful value. In my opinion, I strongly agree with the latter statement.  
  
On the one hand, there is no denying that people always watch movies as a recreational activity. There are genres of films to relieve stress such as comedy or action movies. These kinds of movies can make laugh, motivate their minds and escape them from the pressure. "Home alone", for example, is a comedy classic for entertainment purpose. It not only makes funny vide, but also helps audiences forget all the stress from the daily grind.  
  
On the other hand, although the purpose of films is to entertain, there are many advantages that films bring for us like educational value. Firstly, historical movies like "Titanic",... help audiences understand more about the past. Throughout this kind of movie, people, especially the youth can learn about history faster than reading events in history books. Secondly, watching movies helps people learn foreign languages because they can hear foreigners' pronounces and intimate the way the characters use their words.  
  
In conclusion, there is no doubt about the purpose of watching films is to relax, films play a significant role in teaching people educational values. I strongly believe that people watch films for different purposes like understanding the cultural countries as well as broadening their knowledge.
Accuracy is the name of the game when presenting the prompt paraphrase. You are unnecessarily including information not included in the original prompt. Additional information reference based on your own opinion does not need to be presented in that section. It should only be a complete and authoritative paraphrase of the original presentation. The first first 2 sentence are unnecessary. The reference to "It is true.." is also additional, unsupported information that should not be in the presentation as it is not included as a reference point or question in the original presentation. These errors shall pull down your TA score. The paraphrase should only include 4 sentences:  
  
Sentence 1: Topic  
Sentence 2: First point of view  
Sentence 3: Second point of view  
Sentence 4: Personal opinion  
  
Notice that every sentence presented is in reference to the original prompt, without additional information. That is how the paraphrase is developed.  
  
The overall presentation you have used in the reasoning discussion is also incorrect as these only refer to your point of view, without a comparison to the public point of view presented previously. You must present your opinion at the end of each reasoning paragraph based on the public point of view presentation. Do you agree or disagree with it? Explain. That is how the reasoning paragraphs work.  
  
By the way, you cannot use a comma and an ellipse at the same time. You may use only one punctuation mark at a time because each punctuation mark as a specific function in a given sentence presentation. The comma, means there is information to follow, the ellipses is used to indicate missing piece of text, or allows for a pause in writing. An ellipses is only used in creative writing to express hesitation, changes of mood, suspense, or thoughts trailing off. None of which exist in your sentence presentation.
## salary for specialists in different countries

  
  
*Please give me some advice for my essay, thank you in advance.*  
The bar charts illustrate the annual income earned by doctors and other workers from seven countries in the year of 2014. The units are measured in thousands of US dollars.  
  
Overall, the income of doctors and other workers in the US are highest among 7 countries. The country in which doctors and others generated the lowest amount of money was Italy.  
  
Looking at the chart in more detail, the US stood at the highest position in terms of the amount of money paid for doctors and other occupations, at 120 and around 45, respectively. Regarding Switzerland, the salaries of doctors ranked second, at approximately 70, about 30 higher than the figure for other workers. As for France, the income that doctors earned more than doubled that of other workers, 75 for the former and 30 for the latter.  
  
Concerning Italy, the annual income of doctors (60) was three times as much as that of other workers. In Finland, other workers earned higher income compared to those of Italy, however it was merely half of the payments for doctors of that country. Czech Republic also saw a significant gap between the amount of money doctors and others generate yearly, which is exactly 20 and roughly 62 respectively. The other occupations in Germany share the same salary received per annum with those in Czech Republic, while German doctors, standing at approximately 62, are three times as much as the figure for other jobs.
Hi! Advice I would give is maybe to clarify "doctors and other workers". Other specialized workers? Other medical workers? Specialized doctors? Maybe it's clarified with the graph, but it was a bit confusing for me.  
  
Also, it's typical to spell out numbers lower than ten, and represent the numerals for higher numbers such as 11. Some places only start using numerals as 20. I think the rules vary, but whatever rule you pick you should stick with. I see at one point you said "7 countries" and then later "three times more likely". I would change the 7 to a seven.
The summary overview is incomplete. You twice mentioned several cpunyries, but only mwntioned 2 in the summary. A comprehensive summary would have listed the 7 countries completely to assist in thw trending statement presentation.  
  
As you forgot to include the actual image, the conyributor review of your work cannot be completed. The image is necessary for my analysis of the accuracy of your report and spotting areas for improvement in your presentation.  
  
Was there a financial representation involved? What were the numerical figures for salary costs? How were these digures arrived at? What was it based on? The information you presented comes across as incomplete to me. Again, having the image on hand would have helped in this case.
Please give me some advice for my essay, thank you in advance.  
  
## changes in the structure of a cinema

  
  
The following diagrams illustrate several changes in the structure of a cinema in the period of 1980 up to now. In general, empty spaces in the cinema hall in 1980 are being reconstructed by adding more cinema. In detail, in 1980, the car park was located on the north side, behind the cinema. The ticket office, which can be seen on the first right after passing the entrance, stood next to the drinks area. Cinema 1, stayed at the bottom left corner, was smaller in size compared to Cinema 2 on the right. Until now, the old car park was replaced to expand the cinema acreages. Inside the cinema, the food & drinks area and relax room is being located in the area of old cinema 1. The DVD room now opens next to the ticket office. More cinemas are being added, which separate the hall into 2 parts with 2 on the left and others 3 on the right. And the toilet still remained its own position on the middle left of the cinema.  
  
*
Let us start with the format problem of the report. The task 1 essay follows a specific simple format for its basic presentation. This must have been presented in a 3 paragraph format. The paragraphs should have been divided into the following sections:  
  
Par 1 : Summary overview.  
Par. 2: 1980 information  
Par. 3: Present information  
  
There is also a lack of clarity regarding the number of images and the identity of the image presented. The indication should have shown 2 illustrations rather than simply the plural form of diagrams. These are illustrations or drawings that show differences. A diagram shows a series of instructions with regards to a process or procedure.
Here is the question, can someone feedback my essay below, need quick improvement! My test is due next week! Thanks guys  
***Nowadays, people change their appearance by dying hair, buying fashionable clothes, wearing make-ups and even undergoing plastic surgery.  
## What are the reasons?***  
## Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

  
  
Many people now place more importance on their appearances by coloring their hair, being fashionable, wearing make-up and even undergoing plastic surgery. This is down to the influences of the media and advertisement. In my view, this is a negative development.  
  
One of the factors influencing people to change their appearance is celebrity. People adore some famous personalities and thanks to the proliferation of internet, it makes even easier for people to access information about famous artist. They mostly have colored hair, put a heavy make-up and wear expensive clothes. Some celebrities, such as Korean, even undergo plastic surgery to gain more popularity. People as their fans want to look like them and therefore they follow their footsteps. Another impacting factor is advertisement. People are bombarded with many advertisements of cosmetic, fashion, and make up. This is unconsciously setting up a standard of beauty in their mind. As a result, they buy products to become the image of endorser in the ads.  
  
However, this is clearly a negative development. The image of beauty should not be influence by outside factor. All women are gorgeous as they already are with their natural hair color and without heavy make up. In Indonesia, a woman wearing a traditional costume with simple make up and black hair is considered as a natural beauty. Additionally, frequent heavy make-up could lead into various skin problems, namely pimple and skins breakout. Furthermore, plastic surgery needs a costly maintenance. If people could not afford it, then they will borrow some money and they could run up a debt.  
  
In conclusion, media reporting celebrities and advertisement are the reasons people change their look. However, make-up and plastic surgery potentially bring about many problems to many problems for this to be considered as positive development.
Good work on the response, bad job on the restatement. You used the memorized reference from the original prompt word for word instead of changing the presentation to suit your English vocabulary knowledge. The idea is to present the topic to the reader based on your own understanding and word usage. You cannot use the same words from the original as that will result in a failing score based on the use of cut and paste or memorized phrases. You will immediately have a non passing score in one scoring section which will make it difficult for you to get a passing score based on the overall scoring considerations. Good job on the direct response though. You have shown that you understood the topic and how to respond to it. It is sad that the score for that section will still be non passing because of the non revised presentation part.  
  
Good reasoning paragraphs. You clearly explained the 2 reasons why you believe this is a negative development. There are ample justifications and a properly developed discussion in each paragraph. However, the language is not perfect and still contains several GRA errors within the presentation that will affect that scoring section of your rubic.  
  
There is a confusing portion in your concluding summary that will further affect the coherence of your presentation. This part is difficult to understand as the meaning is unclear:  
  
make-up and plastic surgery potentially bring about many problems to many problems for this to be considered as positive development.  
Did you accidentally repeat the phrase "many problems"? If so, then you need to make sure to avoid those types of mistakes in the future. Always proof read your work to ensure the high written quality of your presentation. Correct all errors that could lower your score. I am sure you will do well when you rewrite certain portions that you may think could be unclear to the reader. Revising is always beneficial to the exam taker.
**Question**:  
***Students should pay the full cost for their own study because university education benefits individuals rather than society.***  
## To what extent do you agree?

  
  
**Answer:**  
  
Some people think that university tuition should be paid by students since higher education brings advantages for individuals rather than society. Nevertheless, I believe that the government should help students cover tertiary education.  
  
Firstly, paying full tuition could reduce the opportunities for students from disadvantaged backgrounds to get higher education. Due to not being able to afford tuition, some students would choose to work after finishing high school. Without higher education, it's hard for them to get decent jobs. They may end up getting low-paid jobs or being unemployed, which is not good for the progress of society. Thus, free tertiary education would lift the financial burden from many students, empower them to fulfill their potential, and generate social mobility.  
  
Secondly, offering free education can benefit the country in the long term. If higher education was subsidized, more and more people would opt to study for university degrees. A well-educated workforce would no doubt boost the productivity of the nation, contribute more to tax revenue, and reduce the unemployment rate. Moreover, these skilled workers could come up with solutions to tackle social problems and bring about innovations in lots of aspects of life. Society would indeed become better with a large population of skilled workers.  
  
In conclusion, I am convinced that providing free education would be a smart step for the government to take because higher education is the key factor that drives the development of individuals and the nation.
There are 2 problems with your presentation. The first problem has to do with the paraphrasing of the original topic. The second problem, is related to your response format. Both of which can lower your TA score in the actual test.  
  
The paraphrasing is problematic because you did not change enough of the keywords from the original prompt to convince the examiner that you did not a mere cut and paste job in the presentation. Your LR score is based on your ability to use synonyms within your paraphrasing. So, what phrase should you have rephrased to avoid that error? You should have replaced , "individuals rather than society". If you had said, "to the person ( or graduate) rather than the community." That would been a direct rephrasing of the original phrase and eliminate the cut and paste possibility in the mind of the examiner.  
  
Next, you were asked for an extent response. Yet, the response you gave did not respond to the question as there was no measurement indicated nor a related response topic. Compare:  
  
OQ: To what extent do you agree?  
R: I believe that the government should help students cover tertiary education.  
  
If you notice, you had changed the discussion from:  
OT: Students should pay the full cost for their own study  
  
to:  
  
YT: the government should help students cover tertiary education.  
  
Your TA score will be based on an unrelated response presentation. You changed the prompt instructions and caused a prompt deviation, which will earn you a failing TA score even if the reasoning paragraphs are on topic. The reasoning paragraphs are scored on a different consideration basis.  
  
Your concluding paragraph will not help your TA score because the response you presented is based on the altered discussion presentation that you used in your paraphrasing, further resulting in a low TA percentage score. I am not convinced that you can manage to get a passing score based only on the reasoning discussion as you have other GRA errors in those sections as well.
*Hi guys, I'm a new member there and I'm so excited to be fixed and hope to give useful comments on others' threads.  
  
Here's my essay*  
  
IELTS WRITING TASK 2  
***Some people think that good health is very important to every person, so medical services should not be run by profit-making companies.*  
## Do the advantages of private health care outweigh the disadvantages?**  
  
Healthcare is one of the most important things in human society, many people still have to cope with poor medical services due to indigent conditions regardless of improved healthcare. This leads to a proposal that clinical services should not be directed by profitable organizations. However, in my opinion, the opposite might be more reasonable for a sustainable development of the community.  
  
Though the past few decades have witnessed a great effort of governments and global leading experts into ameliorating public health conditions as well as medical services, people living in poverty still have a restricted access to proper healthcare. This is because the medical costs have risen significantly due to reconstruction for modern infrastructures. Yet this adversely has placed a great burden on the entrance to appropriate medical services of deprived households. For example, in developed countries, reports indicate that healthcare fees increased as twice as worker wages. It is even more serious in developing countries cause a general physical examination could cost an average monthly salary of a lower-middle family, which hit badly their meager income.  
  
Though there are some financial drawbacks that hinder some from the appropriate clinical services, eliminating commercial organizations from types of hospital might not be considered a beneficial decision in the long run. First, private medical centres generally offer outstanding medical staff and cutting-edge equipment for top-notch patient care because of larger investments. Lucrative clinical corporations normally pay decent salaries to attract skilled human resources from public health establishments. Second, history of human development has shown that competition is essential because it leads to a healthier economy. It means that enhanced or multifunctional products will cost less to meet clients' needs among a free market. Similarly, if states monopolize the supply of remedial treatments, they could set the price at will, creating potential inflation which adversely affects those in the lower class.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that community care should be contributed by various clinical systems for citizens benefiting the most.  
  
*Thanks for reading and please give me your thoughts* 🤗
Your prompt paraphrase includes information that offers your opinion of the given topic, which is not required when stating the topic for discussion. The reference to, "...many people still have to cope with poor medical services due to indigent conditions regardless of improved healthcare." should be removed from the restatement. It's removal will make the presentation more prompt adherent with regards to your providing your own take of the topic for the discussion and its reasons.  
  
The next error in this presentation, which will result in a score based on an unrelated discussion topic is as follows: "in my opinion, the opposite might be more reasonable for a sustainable development of the community." This is incorrect and unrelated to the topic being presented because the original discussion question is: "Do the advantages of private health care outweigh the disadvantages?" Therefore, your response is totally unrelated to the task. It does not even refer to a related discussion or information from the original question provided. In effect, you created your own prompt to respond to which will cost you a passing score in this presentation.  
  
Your concluding statement will be another reason for this essay to fail. You wrote less than 40 words in that section, indicating that you did not complete a proper summary restatement in that section.
## giving kids the whole autonomy

  
  
In modern society, parents are becoming more and more accommodating and give their children the freedom to do whatever they want. They loosely impose their children on following set of regulations. This essay will argue that it is an unwise method to raise children by giving them the whole autonomy  
  
When it comes to giving children the whole freedom, it brings about a great deal of disadvantages. To illustrate, in term of choosing place to hang out with friends or the kind of food that they consume, this is actually not a good method to raise children. Due to the fact that the spots on which young people want to hold an entertainment might be full of danger, for instance many innocent children tend to play on the street and put themselves on the edge of risky accidents. In addition, parents ought to put some set of restrictions on their children when choosing food to eat in order to make sure that children consume enough nutrients and grow well.  
  
The next adverse effect when young young people have the whole autonomy is lower grades and unbearable behaviours. Because of the indifference and the laziness to study, young people have no aspiration for education as they did in the last century. Consequently, they will end up with poor grades. Parents must spend more time caring for their children's study for the sake of them in future. Apart from disciplines on study, aldults also need to set some regulations on their children's demeanours. In recent years, young people tend to behave unacceptably, they have no respect for others. Adults have to regulate those behaviours by some restrictions in order to keep them grounded, help them pay more respects to others and become a better citizen  
  
In conclusion, adults ought to set rules and boundaries on children's autonomy. The young should not be autonomous to everything in order to make sure for their sufficient growing as long as their study. On the other hand, if adults impose basic levels of disciplines on their children, they tend to end up with poor behaviours and unsuccessfulness in future.
It appears to me that you did not accurately restate the original topic and its supporting reasons. It does not make sense to say that parents are accommodating their children but then also claim that they are loosely imposing regulations on their children. Kindly remember that you need to post the original prompt along with your essay so that the people here can give you proper and relevant advise. As of now, your restatement does not make sense and the examiner will score you partly based on that along with a failing score for not discussing the essay in the appropriate format. You are being asked to respond to an extent single opinion essay. You responded to the prompt by instead arguing that the method of raising the children is unwise. Compare the two to see your error with full clarity:  
  
OT: "Young people should do just what they like". To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
Response: This essay will argue that it is an unwise method to raise children by giving them the whole autonomy  
  
An extent response was required in the form of:  
  
*I completely disagree with this opinion based on two specific reasons. First... Second...*  
  
Due to the lack of proper discussion information, I cannot review your essay beyond this point. There is no original prompt for me to refer to with regards to the content, discussion process, and other requirements. I can only refer to the previously mentioned problems and errors based only on the incomplete title you used for this thread. It will not be right for me to hazard any guesses regarding your writing and content because I am not sure if the advice I will be giving will be correct or relevant to your current presentation. Kindly remember to provide a copy of the original prompt next time. Thanks.