dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hi Arif,  
  
It is very nice to read your essay. I reckon that your essay has already well-written and well-developed. You were able to answer the prompt properly. The prompt actually has two important points that should be elaborated. The first one is How you meet this strong networking skills requirement by using clear examples of your networking skill. The second one is How you hope to use these skills in the future.  
  
You have developed a brief and clear introductory paragraph. It is followed by fully developed 2nd paragraph explaining about "how you meet the requirement of strong networking skills". Then, you have successfully mentioned your valuable experience in the third and fourth paragraph as a supportive explanation. Lastly, you have closed this essay by stating your hope to use the skills in the future in the last paragraph. This is an outstanding piece of work. I reckon that it should be ready to be submitted.  
  
Hope this helps :)
**The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
Several people have used electronic device to communicate with someone else, but sometimes it has mad bad impact in people's life. However, in my opinion, I tend to agree that electronic device has obviously caused drawback outweigh the positive effect.**  
  
Having a distance place make people want to have a talk with others. Thus, they always want to communicate with their friends, colleagues, and relatives. Because of electronic device, sometimes people do not want to go to their family and choose to stay at home. It makes inhabitants do not have good relationship because it is totally different between having a call and coming into someone's home. People do not feel that someone exist in their life and cannot touch or hug their family. For instance, when I was in university, I used to communicate by mobile phone rather than visit my family. As a result, the relationship between me and my relatives is decrease. That is why people need to go to their families's home.  
  
However, electronic device has supported people to communicate in their life. People can contact their family who live so far away or even in different country in the world. Also, they can call someone whenever and wherever they want by modern media. It does not takes long time to get access with someone else as well. For example, Maradona can ask where is the position of Messi directly by phone. Thus, electronic device is very helpful to make relationship closer than before.  
  
All in all, there are many bad effects instead of the advantages for people who use electronic media. In my opinion, I agree that electronic device give bad impact and people should make a limitation for using gadget and at least one time in a month come to visit their family.
Hello, Mr. Mardian :)  
Let me give you some corrections :)  
  
.....Because of **THE** electronic device, sometimes ...  
... do not have **A**good relationship because ...  
... between me and my relatives is ~~decrease~~**DECREASED**.  
... need to go to their ~~families's~~**FAMILIES'=>PLURAL POSSESSIVE OF THE NOUN** home.  
  
However, **THE** electronic device has ...  
... family who liveS so far away or even in **THE** different country ...  
  
Overall, I think you just less attention to your article usage :) be better next time good luck :)
Hey Debby, I noticed a few grammatical errors in your essay.  
  
1. Instead of "A true leader Inspire their surroundings," I think you might have meant to say "A true leader inspires their surroundings." Technically "their" is also grammatically incorrect... but there's no gender neutral pronoun other than "its". If the person reading this is nit-picky, just change "their" to "his" or "her."  
  
2. "People follow leaders not for the sake of that leader but for themselves, (...) the same belief ."  
3. "I believe that I am a leader since I was young" should be "I have been a leader since childhood."  
  
There are many other grammatical errors like this.
**DID CHINA DISCOVER AMERICA**  
  
The majority people argue that a Chinese Muslim, Zheng discovered America more than 70 years before Columbus. It is supported by the map, entitled "General chart of the integrated world" after he did seven voyages for 30 years. The map was bought from a local dealer by a Shanghai lawyer, Liu Gang. He argues it proves that Zheng traveled to the Americas, Australia, and the Mediterranean as well.  
  
The map contains detailed elements. It shows the two hemispheres of the world by both south and the north pole. America is described clearly, even the rivers are running from far inland is recognizable. However, it cannot prove anything since only Europeans dramatized the world this way. European travelers finished discovery like this over hundred of years, while Zheng only explored for 30 years. A lecturer of the University of British Columbia, Professor Timothy Brook stated that this map is absolute nonsense. He argues the map copied onto a European map.
Hi Lincoln,  
Here's my remarks towards your article summary.  
  
- ~~The majority people~~Most people argue that (...) than 70 years before Columbus did .  
- The map was bought from ~~a local dealer by~~ a Shanghai lawyer, Liu Gang who was also a local dealer .  
- He ~~argues it proves~~argued that it was the proof that Zheng traveled to ~~the Americas~~America , Australia...  
  
- ... hemispheres of the world ~~by~~i.e. both south and ...  
- However, **it cannot prove anything since only Europeans dramatized the world this way.**(It is a confusing sentence, perhaps you can simplify this one)  
- European travelers finished their~~discovery~~discoveries~~like this~~ over hundred of years, ~~while~~but Zheng only ~~explored for~~needs 30 years to explore .  
- He ~~argues~~argued that the map was copied from~~onto~~ a European map.  
  
Hope this helps :)
Hello! I will give you some opinions about your summary.  
  
I suggest that you have to use past tense in your summary, because you still use simple present time  
  
(1) ~~The majority~~**Most** people argue ...  
(2) It ~~is~~**was** supported by (...) world"**,** after he did ...  
(3) He ~~argues~~**argued that** it ~~proves~~**was a proof** that Zheng traveled to the America~~s~~ , Australia, and the ...  
(4) The map ~~contains~~**contained some** detaile~~d~~ elements.  
(5) It ~~shows~~**showed** the two hemispheres ...  
(6) America ~~is~~**was** described clearly, even the river~~s~~~~are~~**were** running from far inland ~~is~~**was** recognizable.  
(7) However, it ~~cannot~~**could not** prove anything since only Europeans ~~dramatized~~**who exaggerate** the world this way.  
(8) European travelers finished **their** discovery ~~like this~~ over hundred ...
Hi Lincoln.  
these are a few improvements for your summary.  
GOOD LUCK  
The majority OF people argue (...) before Columbus FOUND IT. It is supported by the map, entitled "General chart of the integrated world" after he ~~did~~ CONDUCTED seven voyages for 30 years.  
  
... by a Shanghai lawyer, NAMELY Liu Gang. He argue~~s~~ D it proves that Zheng ...  
  
... of the world ~~by~~ WITH both south and ...  
European travelers finished THE discovery like ...  
He argue~~s~~ D the map IS copied onto a European map.
**WRITING TASK 1 - NUMBER OF CHILDREN EVER BORN TO WOMEN 40-44 YEARS**  
  
The table presents the collected yearly data of kids who was born to women aged 40-44 years in Australia since 1981. Overall, it is clearly seen that proportion of women with three or more kids experienced downward trend, while the reverse proportion appeared to women with no kids or one and two kids.  
  
To began with, either percentage of women who had three kids or four kids above showed a downward trend since 1981 up to 2016. The percentage between the two categories had slight difference at first ; at 27.4 % and 27.6 % respectively. Yet, wide gap of percentage occured in both of categories in 2006. However, a sharp decline percentage experienced by women who had four or more kids.  
  
I  
n contrast, the three others categories experienced a upward trend. Either proportion of women with no kid or one kid increase gradually in almost twofold from former's percentage in 1981. However, women who had two children pierced the highest percentage over four other categories during 1981 to 2006.
Hai ainun, here are my thoughts for you  
  
**first of all, you need to upload the table and the question so that people can give you suggestions for your task response**  
  
... collected yearly data of ~~kids~~  
it will be safe in writing ielts if you use the word 'children'  
  
To began with, either **the** percentage of women ...  
... the two categories had **a** slight difference  
  
... others categories experienced ~~a~~**an** upward trend.  
i suggest you to put the trend in overview
**Some people say that in the modern world it is very difficult for people to have a healthy lifestyle. Others, however, say that it is easy for people to be healthy and fit if they want to be.**  
  
Nowadays, some society who lives in modern era get some difficulties to have a healthy lifestyle. Meanwhile, the other society think that they have no difficulties. In this essay, I will give my opinion about these views.  
  
I believe that some people who think that having a healthy lifestyle is very hard to be done, it because they have less time and less money to provide some things that they need. For example, someone have to spend much money to buy some organic fruits and vegetables. Furthermore, they have to take much time to prepare these food to be served. As result, they can be late to go to work or school. Thus, people think that a healthy lifestyle need much effort and money.  
  
On the other hand, some groups of society say that it is easy to get a healthy lifestyle. In my opinion, the main reason is they can change their habits by doing a simple activity. For instance, they can use stairs instead of lift or escalator, if they want to go to upstairs or downstrairs every morning. As result, they can be more fit than other people who always use convenient ways. So, it is actually easy for people who want to have a healthy lifestyle.  
  
Overall, it is not true that there are some difficulties to get a healthy lifestyle. People do not have to spend much money and provide much time, but they can change their bad habits into another good one to get it. (251 words)
Hello Septia  
You have a good summary  
I have some corrections for you  
  
... people who think about this conditions that having a healthy (...) to be done~~, it~~It is because they have less time and ~~less~~ money to provide some ~~things~~necessities of life that they need.  
  
... some groups of society ~~say~~said that it is easy to ...  
  
~~So~~Thus , it is actually easy for people ...  
  
For instance, they can use stairs instead of lift ... -->  
For instance, every morning people can use stairs instead, lift or escalator to go upstairs or downstairs their office.  
  
You can added your opinions in the last body 1 and 2 or make the new paragraph before the conclusion.
IELTS WRITING TASK 1 : CAMBRIDGE WORKBOOK 5.5 - 6.5 | UNIT 3 PAGE 23  
  
The table provides information about people's opinion related to communication ability that very useful for their occupation in 1997 and 2006. Overall, the average of external communication percentage is higher than internal. Besides that, dealing with people is the most important skill that will help people for doing work.  
  
It can be seen that all indicators of both internal and external only have less than ten percent change between 1997 and 2006. We can see in external sides, knowledge of product had the highest change about 6 percent from 35 percent in 1997 to 41 percent in 2006. However, even though it became the highest in external, it took the second position at all because listening skills to partners had a raise in 9 percent from 38 percent to 47 percent.  
  
In addition, listening carefully to work-pairs became the most essential skill inside the company at 47 percent. Furthermore, the labor ability to deal with others is the most important skills among all at 65 percent. (166 WORDS)  
  
*
**Hi Faiz.  
These are a few of corrections.**  
  
... related to communication ability ~~that~~*(If you wanna omit, you do totally)* very useful for their occupation in TWO DISTINCT YEARS; 1997 and 2006. Overall, ~~the average of external communication percentage is higher than internal~~ IT CAN BE OBVIOUSLY THAT THE EXTERNAL COMMUNICATION WAS MORE NEEDED THAT THE INTERNAL COMMUNICATION*(You should convert your data to reality information).*~~Besides that~~ APART FROM THAT, dealing with people is ...  
  
... and external only have CHANGES less than ten percent ...  
We can see in FACTORS OF THE external ~~sides~~ , knowledge of product had BY FAR the highest change ...  
  
Note: Based on the grammar, you have shown the positive progress. You only need improving your ability to group the data. I suggest you read the examples of the writing task 1.  
  
keep writing  
Happy writing
Please help me to correct my writing...thank you...  
  
Q:  
**Restricting air travel is the only way to prevent air pollution.  
Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
A:  
In recent years, air pollution become the main problem that people face. Some people think that the only way to tackle this problem is to stop air travel. In my point of view, I completely disagree with that statement because there are some ways to prevent air pollution.  
  
Although air travel becomes the easiest way for massive people to transport, it should be reduced by the government to reduce pollution especially in air pollution. A large number of air travel can increase air pollution. This is because air travel produces the emission of carbon dioxide that can make air pollution. For example if each day there are several air travels from place to place, the emission of CO2 will increase dramatically and as a result, it effects the weather. If this condition is repeated continuously, it can cause global warming. It is important to reduce air pollution by prohibiting air travel.  
  
On the other hand, prohibiting air travel is not a good idea, because air travel provides people to travel easier than before and spend a few time if they want to go far away. There are another ways to prevent air pollution. Firstly, the government should reduce the amount of vehicles such as private car and motorbike. Actually, those vehicles produce large amount of CO2 especially in urban areas. In addition, it is important for citizen to use air conditioner wisely, because by using AC, it can increase the air pollution too. The most importance, inhabitant should protect natural habitat from deforestation.  
  
In brief, although prohibiting air travel can reduce air pollution, there are some alternative ways to save environment. It is imperative that government should find the best way to solve air pollution without restricting air travel.
Hi Gigih  
Let me give you some correction  
  
In recent years, air pollution ~~become~~becomes the main problem ...  
  
A large ~~number~~amount of air travel can ...  
For example (,) if each day there are (...) and as a result, it ~~effects~~affects the weather....  
  
There are ~~another~~other ways to ...  
Actually, those vehicles produce a large amount of CO2...  
  
... some alternative ways to save the environment.  
The type of question is agree or disagree  
it is mean that in the body you write about one or some idea WHY you agree or disagree  
For example:  
  
Body 1  
I agree because  
  
Body 2  
I disagree because  
  
in body 2 you write about solution which is not correct  
  
Thank you...
HI Gigih, as I go on and review your essay, I believe you managed to write a well written one, the ideas are in the right logical order, this is very important in order for the essay to remain true to its purpose and not to be jammed everywhere in the essay. The order of the ideas will also help you pick up the pace of the essay and bring you to the contents and the ideas that you might have left, this way you will also be able to make sure that you are leaning towards the right path where the essay goes.  
  
However, as much as I love the order of the essay, I must say you have some difficulty in your sentence construction and this affected the overall outcome of the essay, to elaborate this observation, please find samples below;  
  
- ~~become~~became the main problem  
- that, ( don't forget your punctuation marks ) the only way  
- ~~that~~this statement  
  
- Although air travel ~~becomes~~is the easiest way  
- ~~for massive people~~ to transport more people ,  
- it should be ~~reduced~~regulated by the government  
- to reduce pollution especially in the air ~~pollution~~ .  
- ~~the~~ emission of carbon dioxide that can ~~make~~create air pollution.  
- For example, if ~~each day there are several~~we lessen air travel~~s~~ from place to place on a daily basis ,  
  
There you have it Gigih, I hope the above remarks help in your revision.
Hello Gigih12!  
Allow me to give you some suggestion.  
  
air pollution ~~become~~ become (...) that people ~~face~~ faced.  
... to tackle this problem is ~~to~~ stop air travel.  
... disagree with that statement ~~because~~ since there are ...  
  
... it should be reduced by the government to ~~reduce~~ decrease pollution ...  
This is ~~because air travel produces~~ caused by air travel ...  
  
Review:  
Sentence structure  
Subject verb agreement  
Passive voice  
  
Hope it helps you, break a leg :)
**The chart below give information about the level of education of Bulgarian people who wanted to go and live in another country in 2002, 2006 and 2008.  
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
The chart gives information about the percentage of Bulgarians who have different education categories and having plan to continue their live in other country in 2002, 2006, and 2008. Overall, it can be seen that, people with secondary education have the highest percentage in 2002, 2006, and 2008 to leave Bulgaria. Although, there is small decrease in the percentage every category of years.  
  
In 2002, people who have the biggest percentage to go in another country is secondary education which is 65 percent. This is become the higher one than other level in 2002, 2006, and 2008. For the higher education, there is fluctuation and become the smallest percentage in 2008 which is just 9 percent. Although, we can see that in 2006 the percentage reaches 20 percent.  
  
Primary and lower education is the category which have gradual rise between 2002 and 2006. In 2002 stood at 18 percent and it increases at 19 percent. Afterwards, there is dramatically increase in the number of level education by 13 percent in 2008. However, the primary and lower education is always rise between 2002, 2006, and 2008, but secondary education which have the bigger percentage than other, which is in 2002, 2006, and 2008 at 65 percent, 61 percent and 59 percent.  
  
*
Hello Reskiamadani88  
i have some advice to you, hope it can help you  
  
continue their live in other ~~country~~ countries in 2002, 2006, and 2008  
  
Although, there is small decrease in the ...  
**... if you use conj (although), you have to make two subjects and verbs.**  
  
people who have (...) in another country ~~is~~ are secondary education which ~~is~~ are 65 percent  
**...the real subject is people (plural pronoun), so you should to use *are***
HELLO, here my suggestions for you  
  
Although, there ~~is~~[was a] small decrease in the percentage [in] every category of years.  
  
In 2002, people who ~~have~~ [had ] the biggest percentage to go in another country ~~is~~ [were] secondary education which ~~is~~ [was ] 65 percent. This ~~is~~~~become~~ [became ] the higher one than ...  
  
For the higher education, there ~~is~~ [was a] fluctuation and ~~become~~ [became] the smallest percentage in 2008 which ~~is~~ [was ] just 9 percent.  
... in 2006 the percentage ~~reaches~~ [reached[ or reached a peak at /font]] 20 percent.  
  
Primary and lower education ~~is~~ [ was ] the category which ~~have~~ [had ] gradual rise between ...  
Afterwards, there ~~is~~ [was ] dramatically increase ...  
  
Notice that you must use "past tense" in your essay because the data refer to past situation in 2002, 2006, and 2008.  
  
GLUCK:D
The most common questions that people always ask are how succesfull you would be if you just work in a company, how much money you have nowadays, and how happy and healthy you would be today if you wake up and do personal exercice like a gym. The answer is the same: it is a 50:50 chance.  
  
In modern era, there are some people who have enormous number of money. They believe that money cannot buy anything with it. Interestingly, althought they can purchase some luxuries such as a car, a huge expensive house or a travel around the world, they cannot fell so happy with all they have.  
  
This condition have been happening in the speaker's daily life, but now he can solve the problem. He believes that to solve this problem, the people who have much money have to spend a third of their time on helping poor people. It is because sometimes this activity can give them positive feedback which leads to happiness.
Hi Matthew.  
These are a few correction and suggestions to finalize your summary. Actually, yours is a good job. You only need to make this smoother when you explain from a topic to another topic. You are supposed to order the transitive words appropriately.  
  
Overall, good job  
GOOD LUCK to next writing  
  
The most common questions ~~that~~ people always ask are how succesSfull you would be (....) wake up and do personal ~~exercice~~ EXERCISE like a gym.  
  
In THIS modern era, there are some people who have ~~enormous~~~~number~~ PLENTY of money. They believe that THE money cannot ...  
Interestingly, ~~althought~~ ALTHOUGH they can purchase ...  
  
This condition ~~have~~ HAS been happening (...), but now he ~~can~~ COULD HAVE solveD the problem.  
... give them positive feedback ~~which leads~~ LEADING (You should conduct reducing here) to happiness.
Dear friend,  
  
You wrote: ... In modern era, there are some ...  
The article is missing before the noun: ''a modern era', 'the modern era''.  
  
there are some people who have enormous ~~number~~amount of money  
  
You wrote: ... expensive house or a travel around the world, ...  
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply ''travel'' or use the countable alternative ''a trip''  
  
they cannot ~~fell~~feel so happy with ...  
  
You wrote: ...This condition have been happening in ...  
Conjugate your verb for the third person singular or use a past form: ''This condition has''.
Hello, i will give you some suggestion:  
1. Be careful with your spelling  
  
and do personal ~~exercice~~**exercise** like a gym.  
~~althought~~**although** they can purchase some ...  
  
they cannot ~~fell~~**fall** so happy with ...  
  
2. Check your tense using  
  
This condition ~~have~~ Has been happening (...), but now he ~~can~~could solved their problem.