dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The response format of the essay does not relate to the orginal discussion topic or discussion instructions. The presentation is pretty much based on the writer's own discussion development. The essay will not be considered for a passing score because of this mistake. Once the prompt is altered, the essay cannot pass. Not even when minor scores are awarded in general sections. Here is an outline of the error:  
  
OT:Some people believe that an aging population is good for business, the economy, and society. Others disagree.  
YT: An aging population is one of the most alarming issues among the countries  
  
Discussion Instruction: DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION.  
Discussion Restatement: ...my opinion is that this trend does more harm than good in the long run  
  
See? Both the restatement presentations are off - course. The essay does not meet the requirements for a passing score. The opinion is not based an harm or good. It is based on whether an aging population is good for societal considerations. It is not an alarming issue either, merely a cause for concern.There is a difference in the terms used.
## investment IN A PROPERTY

  
  
Owning or renting a house is not only the decision of investment or choice of living style, but more involved with social psychology. Young people discuss this topic day by day, year by year when they are in the door of getting married or in the pressure of adult life. In some countries, mostly in Asia, residents are more inclined to own a house than renting one. This situation can be explained in 3 main reasons from my point of view.  
  
The world we live in now is full of the pressure of being successful. After decades, the words "I am gifted. So are you!" become a nightmare for the youth rather than an encouragement. Not all of us can be as talented as others with this kind of autosuggestion. But the extreme expectations of parents, especially Asia, on their children somehow lead to a stressful generation, who is living by social standards. One of those popular criteria to figure out a successful man is possessing a home. This implies a person has a high-salary stable job, money earning capability and of course, he is appreciated as gifted!  
  
Another insight of owning a home is the feeling of stability. Many people at the age of 25 - 35, who are in the process of purchasing an apartment or a house, confess that after years of experience changing accommodations, they desire to settle down at a place to avoid the remarkable drawback when renting one is the anxiety of moving when the contract expired.  
  
Moreover, satisfied emotion must be mentioned as a significant explanation why possessing a home is the majority's preference. As I mentioned in the second paragraph, social standard also forms a perception of happiness and success through owning property. A house is in the same figure of expensive stuff, which can bring human temporarily feeling of satisfy when obtained a target in life.  
  
Cannot come to conclusion whether putting effort into owning a home is negative or positive. But I stand by the notion that aiming to accumulate as much property as possible is a way of challenging our ability and ensuring our future.
The prompt restatement veers away from the orginal presentation because, rather than simply restating the topic, the writer has chosen to begin the discussion of his personal opinion at the very start of the paragraph. There are 2 areas in a Task 2 essay where the personal opinion should not be presented or discussed. These areas are:  
  
- Prompt restatement + personal opinion  
- Concluding summary  
  
Both areas should not deviate as these will affect the preliminary and final TA score. For the first paragraph, 3 sentences will be acceptable as long as it storyp close to the original discussion. For the concluding summary just repeat the topic, your opinion, and reasons. Failure to do that will result in a non-passing score.  
  
This essay is nowhere near delivering a prompt based discussion Since this essay has been covered several times at this forum, the writer should have read the previous submissions to give hum an idea of how to approach this writing task.
## **In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people.**

  
*Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?*  
  
The idea that people should have their own house instead of renting one remains a source of controversy. However, I hold the view that it is beneficial to renting house.  
  
It is indisputable that financial element plays the crucial role when renting a house. Instead of spending a huge of money on house, people can give payment each month or a period (half year, quarter) which is economical in total. Moreover, it is flexible to change the living depend on favorite or the distance to the workplace. For instance, people can experience living next to the beach due to its tranquil and fresh for a few years. Thus, people can use the redundant money from renting house for investment or trying to do the new things.  
  
Furthermore, the tenancy can give people numerous house's options. Houses' style is a case in point. While people have their own house expend tons of time and money for transform it, the tenants can easily choose their style of house ranging from classic, vintage to modern. Especially, almost apartment have full of interiors and convenient stuff namely stove, washing machine, TV, etc. It is more suitable for those who are frequently house moving. Besides, the utility services can be allowed to experience like sports space, swimming pool, park, convenient stores, library ...  
  
In conclusion, it is advisable to rent house rather than buying one in place. I believe that this picking is intelligent for not only the present life experience but also the future.
The writer clearly misunderstood the given discussion. He has provided a response that is not related to any of the discussion prompts. Let me outline the problems that led to the failure of this presentation.  
  
Original Topic: OWNING A HOME RATHER THAN RENTING ONE IS VERY IMPORTANT FOR PEOPLE.  
  
Restatement : The idea that people should have their own house instead of renting one remains a source of controversy. (INCORRECT)  
  
Discussion Questions: Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?  
  
Response: I hold the view that it is beneficial to renting house.  
  
Then the writer goes on to discuss a topic in a form no longer in line with the original presentation. The essay will get a failing mark because the writer showed an inability to understand the topic and discuss as instructed in English
## Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming popular

  
  
Nowadays, there has been a school of thought holding the idea that one of the most increasingly ubiquitous trends is online shopping. From my perspective, i completely believe this merits overshadow the drawbacks.  
  
To begin with, on the one hand, the main downside of this approach is that consumers are likely to purchase low quality products. Since buyers could not be able to know exactly whether real shapes or qualitative features' commodities are comparable with ones in reality. According to online platforms, a bunch of images are a majority of information people get, as a result, It exerts adverse influence when more and more cheated sellers appear and buyers are highly prone to spending on fake goods.  
  
On the advantage hand, consumers can save significant time because of their convenience. It is undeniable that buying goods, groceries on the website reduces remarkable time spent moving to stores, lining, and coming back. Only by clicking on the internet can buyers choose then purchase products which they want to. Moreover, reading clearly comments on the website allows the user to know adjusting's previous buyers, which contributes to limiting mistakes later on. For instance, in the 2000s, books, articles, air tickets and groceries all have to be bought in traditional markets, storebooks, boxes but in 2020 Time New York surveyed and revealed that 69% citizens on the earth prioritizing online shopping method. Thus, this shows its popularity and appliances in market trends.  
  
In conclusion, although online shopping still has some disadvantages, I much more appreciate this benefits that it brings to human beings. Therefore, the advantages outweigh the demerits.
this merits overshadow the drawback  
- Merits and drawbacks are in plural form. Therefore the plural form of the pronoun "this" must be used. The plural form of the word is " these". Review S V. P writing rules.  
  
An A v. D discussion does not use a comparative discussion in the manner the writer has chosen to do so. Rather, the writer is tasked to disprove the perceived drawbacks as an actual advantage within 2 discussion paragraphs. For every disadvantage, explain its actual advantage. That is how to win the written debate.  
  
but in 2020 Time New York surveyed and revealed that 69% citizens on the earth prioritizing online shopping method  
Use public knowledge and personal insight. Those are the information requirements for the presentation as per the orginal prompt. Never used research referenced or cited work. You cannot do research during the actual test. Use measurement references if you want to. Make up information but, do not cite sources.
Write about the following topic:  
## Most people do not care enough about environmental issues. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

  
  
It is true that environmental problems are not received care enough from citizens. While there are some people who have attempted to save our environment, I believe these efforts are not enough to prevent disaster in the future. In the following essay, both these ideas will be discussed.  
  
On the one hand, environmental issues have not been tackled for a long period of time. There is a great deal of research into protecting our Earth which is widely discussed. However, it seems like people do not alarm how important these solutions are since some factors damaging the environment still continue every day. Industrial factories dump their waste into water and land; therefore, these environments become a place for throwing garbage. According to a recent survey, many beautiful rivers in the world turn into landfills. Not only factories but individuals also contaminate our habitat. For instance, instead of riding bicycle, people prefer to ride motorbike or drive a car to work and travel. The more cars they use, the more polluted the environment are.  
  
On the other hand, some people take responsibility for protecting our planet. Knowing environment play a vital key role in human life, people try to save our Earth as possible as they can. More organisations are found to raise funds for conservation program or to find solutions for environmental problems such as GEF, IPPC etc. In addition, environmental issues like global warming, greenhouse effect and so on are taught at school to raise children's awareness and encourage them to avoid affecting our environment.  
  
In conclusion, it is clear that people do not pay attention to these severe issues on a global scale. Nevertheless, if everyone makes an effort, the situation will change positively.
It is true that  
The writer is making a general statement a fact. A piece of writing that is unnecessary since such a statement does not exist and is not being asked within the original presentation. Such a statement will not increase the scoring consideration. Avoid making unfounded statements in the restatement in the future.  
  
In the following essay, both these ideas will be discussed  
The essay has automatically failed at this point. The opinion statement or discussion response is not in line with the discussion requirement. The writer has altered the discussion approach so much, it is no longer connected to the original presentation.  
  
Discussion Question:  
  
TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH THIS STATEMENT?  
Response:  
  
In the following essay, both these ideas will be discussed.  
While some scores will be applied to the L R and G R A sections, as these are general score considerations, it will not be enough to gain a passing score. Why? The main scoring aspects in relation to logic and comprehension, namely the TA and C + C sections, as based on the original direction, have failed in the presentation.
Hi, I would like to point out your errors in your essay.  
1. The first grammatical mistake is noticeable in the first line of your introduction.  
not received **~~care enough~~** from citizens. → enough care/sufficient care  
2. Using the word "enough" one more time is not a good idea.  
3. ... both these ideas will be discussed. → You use as if it was a discussion essay. You should only show your agreement/disagreement.  
4. Some phrases are not really suitable to an academic context. (it seems like)  
5. people do not ~~alarm~~ how important... → using "alarm" makes its meaning weird. "be aware of" is better.  
6. You sometimes use "inappropriate" words.  
7. ... the more polluted the environment ~~are~~ IS.
*Thanks for your assessment in advance. Can you focus on my word choice, task achievement, grammar, coherence and cohesion?  
  
## IELTS TASK 1: ELECTRICITY GENERATION**The pie charts below show electricity generation by source in New Zealand and Germany in 1980 and 2010.*  
  
**MY ESSAY**  
The chart reveals information regarding the proportion of energy generated from five sources in New Zealand and Germany in 1980 and 2010. Generally, both countries experienced a marked increase in the total energy units and the most electricity was produced by coal in New Zealand and by nuclear in Germany.  
  
To commence, in New Zealand, the units of coal, reaching 56 units, exceeded those of the others in 1980. Meanwhile, figures of natural gas and hydro amounted to an identical number of 30 units, while that of petroleum was at its minimum of 11 units. In 2010, there was an upsurge in the electricity proportion of coal, accounting for three fourths of the total energy in New Zealand. In contrast, those of natural gas and petroleum dropped moderately to resembling 2 units, and the opposite pattern was seen in hydro. In Germany, during 1980, both natural gas and coal generated a similar highest number of 28 units, as opposed to that of hydro. It was subsequently followed by petroleum and nuclear, with 22 and 20 units respectively. Over 2010, Germany underwent a great boom to 155 units, when hydro and natural gas both fell into a trough of 2 units. In the meantime, that of petroleum was almost as large as of coal.  
  
*
Remember that the correct paragraph formatting for the task requires 3 -4 paragraphs. Anytime 2 or more images are presented, the report automatically needs 4 paragraphs to provide a complete analysis.  
  
The presentation should have done comparisons by year for the countries as a pair in each paragraph. A comparison and contrasting of the data, as per the provided measurement points would have shown the analytical abilities of the writer.  
  
A task 1 essay such as this is an advanced presentation. It highlights the advanced observational, thinking, and presentation skills of the writer. While some of these requirements were met, more work in the analysis area should have been completed.
You have just completed a cooking course. As part of the school's research and efforts to offer superior classes, they have asked you to write an evaluation of your experience as a student. Your report should discuss what you learned from the class and what you thought of the teachers and their instruction methods. Mention any ways you think the class could be improved and say whether you would or would not recommend the course to a friend or relative.  
  
To: The School of Cuisine.  
From: Isabel.  
## Subject: Evaluation of the 'International food' course.

  
Date: 9/9/2021  
  
The aim of this report is to evaluate the 'International food course' offered by the School of Cuisine, which I have completed.  
The first observation to make concerns the cooking techniques that I have learned during the course sessions. It was extremely valuable to learn how to improve simple cooking methods, such as frying and boiling. Specially, I have learned a Spanish frying system to fry vegetables with the specific oil measures so that, I can recognise when the fried elements are ready to be served.  
  
With regard to the teachers and the instruction methods they have satisfied my expectations. One of my teachers possesses some traditional gastronomy awards, i.e. The III National Competition of innovative typical dishes'. Concerning the instruction methods, since the trainers must cooperate with other professional chefs and their own classmates, the instruction methods are highly interactive and intuitive for the future culinarians.  
  
To improve the classes, it would be practical to use more spacious classrooms, so that the student would be more comfortable when practising cooking activities. Moreover, the cookery equipment should be renewed since they are a bit obsolete.  
  
Finally, I would strongly recommend taking this course to my friends because it can widen their scope of international dishes.  
  
In conclusion, multiple cooking techniques have been useful to cook on my own. The professional teachers and the interactive instruction methods are highly prestigious.However, as I commented above there are two aspects that should be improved in this course.
Observations should be either positive or negative. These are not references to what was learned in class. Such a reference falls under the student's learning experience. Thevword "observation" was incorrectly used as a reference point here.  
  
One cannot reference "finally" and "in conclusion" in the discussion as both indicate the end of the discussion. A discussion cannot be referred to as having ended twice. It can only end once. Choose which part is the real conclusion and stick to it. Reformat the non concluding presentation to still be a discussion statement.  
  
widen their scope of international dishes.  
... widen their skills in relation to cooking international dishes.  
  
The recommendarion reason was not properly presented in that section.
## leisure time by age

  
  
In the following chart, the statistics of using leisure time between different ages of people are illustrated and we can see younger are more fascinated to work with computers and middle-aged people are more fascinated with doing sports activities. In opposite, people of older ages are more interested in passive activities like reading books. In this essay, I will explain more about the chart and will give some summarized information.  
  
To begin with, It's quite obvious the amount of spent time reading books among 13-19-year-old people is significantly low at 5 minutes at weekends. but, 75 minutes at weekends allocated in computer usages for leisure purposes which are over than average usage between the other groups. Furthermore, it is good to be known 20-65-year-old people have special attention to health and well-being and 120 minutes of a weekend spent for doing exercise and going for sports which is dramatically high in comparison with other groups. And finally, time spent for reading in the 66 and more year-old group is two times higher than 20-65-year people at 1 hour time a weekend, however, it is quite a passive activity and it is shown that sports activities times are fewer in comparison with the other groups at 20 minutes a weekend.  
  
In conclusion, it's quite shown, youngers put more time in passive pastimes like computers and middle-aged prefer to put their times having exercise and older are more interested to study which count as a passive activity.  
  
> bar graph's link :  
drive.google.com/file/d/1cBdK0sVPLzMJrqaLG3CuK43\_kWeDTt8f/view?usp=sharing  
  
Please tell me my mistakes and how well this essay is? what's its band score?
The writer used a topic restatement + opinion presentation for the first paragraph. A discussion format exclusive to the task 2 essay. The task 1 essay uses a summary overview with trending statement in place of the restatement and opinion paragraph. This will result in a failing TA score in terms of restatement considerations.  
  
The 3 paragraph analytical report is missing from this essay. There is no accurate analysis and data presentation. The writer has failed to deliver on the task requirements because the task 2 format was used throughout the essay. Proving the writer's unfamiliarity with task 1 writing. This is a failing presentation.  
  
The writer must read the task 1 writing samples at this forum to get a better idea of how to properly approach and develop a task 1 essay presentation.
***Tittle :  
The dangers of smoking are well known, yet many people continue with this habit.***  
## What are the causes of this? How can we reduce smoking in society?

  
  
Smoking has become omnipresent these days. Yet the harm of this behaviour is unpredictable as well as uncontrollable, it is not hard to find people smoking in public places. This problem is largely attributed to these following reasons.  
  
The main reason the leads people to using cigarettes is social pressure. Some people started smoking since they were teenagers just because they are scared to be "the others" and isolated, so they do it to fit in the group. Furthermore, cigars contain poisonous chemicals that bring addiction to who smoke and make giving it up beyond the bounds  
  
The next one to be named in this blacklist is "low price". Since being put on the map, cigarettes have been made cheaper than ever. Subsequently, consumers get more and more accessible to smoking. In any convenient store, it might not be be hard to see a plenty of kind of cigarettes, being on sale with the price under 5 dollars - a tiny number to any employed grown-ups.  
  
From the aforementioned factors ,we can make significant improvements to put paid to this lamentable reality. Noticeably, the first thing to do appears to be putting up a higher price. This help lowering the accessibility to cigarettes and will indubitably play a crucial role in reducing the number of consumers . Moreover, more rehabs should be put into use in order to give people hoping to quit smoking a hand. Laws about being charged of smoking in public should also be brought in advance to deter people from it.  
  
To cut the long story short, it is evidentially obvious that there are innumerable reasons for people keeping smoking in public and steps need to be taken to tackle this problem. It is not enough to provide information only about health risks and diseases, it is also important to inform people about how harmful this habit can be to the environment
The paraphrase does not restate the original topic, nor any responses to the direct questions. The prompt restatement + question response presentation are both incorrect and inaccurate. So lacking is this paragraph, that it only restates one of the two direct questions provided, rather than both questions. This shows that the writer has a problem with explaining topics based on his own wording. This is a TA problem.  
  
Properly connecting reasons in a paragraph presentation is also a problem. There is no proper connection indicated between peer pressure and poisonous chemicals that cause addiction to cigarettes.  
  
As this is a causes and solutions essay, only one paragraph for connected causes is needed. The next paragraph should have been a solution presentation already. This is still a 4 paragraph format essay.  
  
The first sentence of the solution paragraph is confusing and does not make sense to a native English speaker. Try to keep yhe presentation easy to understand by using simple worded presentations. Do not translate word for word from the vernacular.