dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Valentina, are you responding to an IELTS or TOEFL practice essay question? You need to indicate the type of test you are taking, as well as the question you are responding to in order to get an accurate review of your response essay. I do not feel like your opening statement is complete. It is only 2 sentences long when the average length of an opening statement is no less than 3 sentences, no more than 5. Since I not informed about what test you are taking, I cannot be more specific in my advice about that part of the paragraphs than what I just told you.  
  
All of your presented paragraphs do not discuss your given reasons. It merely lists them. So the discussion you present will be considered not fully developed and uninformative. This will lower the score for your essay as you do not show any ability to present English reasoning skills to the reader / examiner. You should focus on only one topic per paragraph, then fully explain your support for this reason, over 3 paragraphs. That is, one reason per paragraph.  
  
It appears that you only completed 4 of the required 5 paragraphs for an English test. That is why your personal opinion, placed in the 4th paragraph is faulty. You indicated a personal opinion as a closing statement, which is not acceptable in any form of English testing. The personal opinion must always be presented as an individual paragraph, separate from the closing statement. The closing statement, is most effective when it used to simply summarize the previous discussion and nothing more.
*Small businesses should avoid recruiting young women who do not have their own family in order to avoid paying maternity leave later on. To what extent do you agree or disagree?*  
  
## Pregnancy Discrimination in the Workplace

  
  
A pregnant female could take at least 10 weeks as a leave with actual payment. Such phenomenon leads to some suggest that without hiring those young females in the first place, small firms could avoid paying the pregnancy leave in the future. In this essay, I completely disagree with the statement and will provide my reasons as follows.  
  
One primary reason is that selectively recruit people out of unmarried females is a form of discrimination. In our modern society, males and females are equal in terms of seeking job positions. Females workplace skills and understandings are no less than men. When a company decides to choose a person simply based on their fertilities, it discriminates a large number of unmarried women. This inappropriate hiring process of a company might end up getting sued by many females eventually.  
  
Moreover, avoiding to hire young females as employees is a big loss to a firm as many of them are intelligent. Nowadays, many independent women are very successful in their lives such as Saoirse Ronan and Jennifer Lawrence. Their dedications to work are determined and motivated. When firms concentrate on the issue of maternity leave as a reason to not hire young females, these companies are missing to see a bigger picture. As female contributions could be significant.  
  
Finally, some laws protecting females from being sexist are existing. Take Poland for instance, a country is defined as an act of criminal when a firm hires a person is based on their genders rather than their educational backgrounds or work experiences. This law can definitely protect millions of women work opportunity. Especially to those women who have not had their own families yet.  
  
To recapitulate, man and woman have the same values in looking for occupational roles regardless their genders. By discarding a large proportional group of young females, companies would lose some of the most potentially valuable assets of staffs. A perfect example is Poland, a nation that tends to protect women from workplace discrimination by imposing a law as a prevention.  
  
*I wrote more than 330 words as I counted at the end, would that be acceptable in the actual test? It is a great hope that if you could score my essay. Thank you!*
SG, I don't advice writing more than 250 words in the essay because of the time constraint and the amount of work that you have to do as a test taker prior to submitting this for a score. You have to accomplish the following in no more than 40 minutes:  
  
1. Outline the discussion you will be presenting  
2. Draft the essay  
3. Review the essay for content relevance  
4. Revise the essay for content  
5. Edit any grammatical and spelling errors  
  
Those are the reasons why I believe that you should write more than 250 words during the test. That is already the equivalent of a full page and will accurately portray all the required skills that the test taker needs to show in the test.  
  
As you know, you should not be presenting any information that is not in the original prompt in your paraphrase. Yet you made that mistake in your current essay. The 10 weeks information is not in the original prompt and should therefore, be in the body of paragraphs as one of the reasons for the discussion. You know that you cannot develop the information that will support that statement in the opening paragraph so don't do it.  
  
You cannot use actors for an example in this essay because they are seasonal workers who can easily take as much time off as they need in order to accommodate pregnancy and raising a family. The examples in this essay need to be more striking such as doctors, lawyers, and teachers, women whose professions do not allow time to deal with a pregnancy or raising a family because their work is time sensitive.  
  
Your concluding paragraph lost track of the original discussion. You presented the discussion points without reminding the reader of the topic for discussion. This going off track is what happens when you write more than 250 words. You become more focused on just talking about topics you think will help the essay instead of talking with a clear purpose for establishment in the essay. It is because of these mistakes that I feel you cannot score more than a 5.
## consumer goods effect on people

  
  
Markets and departmental stores are inundated with products ranging from food to household items necessary for everyday life. These articles plays a pivotal role in modern day life as it makes the life of an individual easier. It is believed that benefits of these items are far more than their demerits.  
  
Firstly, in order to keep up with the fast pace of modern day life, one has to make his daily routine life simple and easy. Nowadays, the idea behind all the items in departmental stores and supermarkets is to sell the product in a ready-made fashion. This will save the time of the consumer and he will not make an extra effort in daily routine tasks. For example, in the modern-day world one can easily get all kinds of prepared sauces, readymade washing powders and floor cleaners and quite surprisingly cooked frozen foods are also available in all markets. The importance of these disposable products can be determined by the sheer fact about their supply and demand.  
  
Secondly, these goods offer quality at cheap prices. Customers weigh the efficiency and quality at a reasonable price against the amount of time one needs to prepare the same quality product. People want to spend maximum and quality time with family and friends, and this is only possible if their time is not squandered in preparing items that are readily available in markets at affordable prices. For instance, it is commonly seen that refrigerators in the houses of even a middle-class family are flooded with readymade juices and sandwiches. Readymade tissue rolls, bedsheets and pillow covers come as no surprise. These modern-day usable items have allowed the family and friends to spend maximum time together.  
  
Certain side effects and disadvantages do come along with these easy and ready to use items but they are not alarming or overwhelming. These demerits do not shadow the vast spectrum of benefits these products offer.  
  
In conclusion, the idea behind manufacturing consumer goods which is quality at an affordable price is invincible. This is the reason more and more people are purchasing simple and easy to use products. Apart from the fact, that these goods have made people lives trouble free, they are shifting the balance from independence and self-reliance towards dependency and sluggishness.
JASEEM, what is the prompt that you are responding to with this prompt? I am unable to accurately review your essay because you did not provide the original prompt with your post. That prompt will be the basis of my review of your work. Kindly remember to post the prompt with your next essay. For this essay, I will just give you a general review of the obvious problems in the essay.  
  
The first problem of this essay is that it seems to not provide an accurate prompt restatement. I am not very clear about what the discussion topic is, the reason that I have to care about this discussion, and what the discussion method is going to be. It is not an effective prompt paraphrase. It can be more informative for the reader. It's too bad that I don't have access to the actual prompt so I can help you redirect the content. Oh well... maybe next time.  
  
Your third paragraph is over the maximum sentence requirement by one sentence. Your fourth paragraph is under the required sentence count of 5 sentences. You must always balance the discussion by presenting a uniform number of sentences per paragraph in order to gain the utmost scoring consideration for your essay. Your concluding paragraph is a continuation of the discussion which means it is not a conclusion but rather, a new discussion. A proper concluding paragraph must simply summarize the preceding discussion in order to be effective.  
  
The work you provided in this essay shows that you only need to be properly guided in the formatting and content of your essay. You have the potential to pass this test but you need to know how to properly respond to the essay prompts through the proper formatting of the paragraphs. I'll reserve the more detailed information for when you post another essay for review. This time, hopefully, you will provide the full original prompt to aid in the review of your work.
*If you could change something about your hometown, what you would change? Use specific reasons an examples to support your answer*  
  
## overcoming environmental issues

  
  
I'm from this city in X called Y. This place is very close to me as I was born and brought up here. I have fond memories associated with this place. However, just like every other city, my city also has some drawbacks, the major problem being the lack of attention paid towards environmental issues. This could be due to several factors such as lack of awareness among people, the rapid increase in population, etc.  
  
Air pollution is one of the major concerns of the city. The city is highly polluted which has severe impact on the people. For instance, due to the high population, the number of vehicles on the streets is also high, that is, each family uses their own mode of transportation mostly. The government should make a solid and better transportation system, by which people will find it easier to transport using public transport instead of private vehicles. They should also educate and bring about plans and agendas to make the public aware about the importance of sustainable development.  
  
Moreover, higher the number of vehicles, higher is the traffic and the noise on the streets. The incessant noise caused by these vehicles can seriously affect our system and cause long term effects.  
  
In addition to that, the system for garbage disposal should be improved. The public should have a sense of awareness and responsibility for proper disposal of waste. Most of the wastes that are thrown are burnt. This includes plastics as well, which further, causes air pollution. So a system has to be brought where people can differentiate between biodegradable and non- biodegradable waste and can ensure proper separation of the wastes so that they can prevent water, soil and air pollution.  
  
In conclusion, if the public and the government put enough effort on their side we can ensure that the issues can be resolved.
Hi  
first of all here are some errors  
in the first paragraph ( i have fond this place ....)  
this sentence is not clear according to language use and tense  
in the second paragraph ( that is)  
i am confused with using this ( that is) what do you mean by stating this in the middle of the sentence  
again the same problem in the fourth paragraph second line ( as well, which further) confusing  
  
overall  
your conclusion is not good because it is just one sentence whithin one paragraph  
you should write more sentences in one paragraph.
Hi, I am not native English speaker and I do not think my English is good enough to correct your essay. But here are some of my opinion as a reader to your writing:  
  
1/ I found that you'd used repeated words too much: The major...., Transport... in paragraph one and two.  
2/ Would it be able to find a word to replace in a sentence: "a solid and better transportation system" I suggest the word "Infrastructure"  
3/ The content of the essay is not connected very well. It makes me confused about what you are discussing. Is that talking about air pollution or traffic or the wastes or the harmful of human's system? And at the end of the inclusion, I barely realized what could you change to your hometown as the topic required.  
  
I general, I think that your grammar is good.
KGayatri, the prompt of this essay works on the principle of "pick battles small enough to win but big enough to matter". That means, you should pick a problem in your community that can be dealt with either on a personal or community level basis. That way you can make suggestions, recommendations, based on specific reasons, and supporting examples based upon your personal experience or community based action. The topic that you chose, is not uncommon to your city alone. In order for this essay to stand out, you have to choose something to change in your community that is unique to either your culture or way of living that you feel is a negative and should be improved upon in order to make it a more effective tool for your community to use. For example, composting of biodegradable waste material or giving children a curfew because they play in the streets. Little things that make a big difference in the community help to make the response to this prompt stand out.
***It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.***  
  
## truly gifted children?

  
  
It is commonly thought that there are two types of children in this world. A gifted children which is born with special ability as well as a talented children which is born to be learner if they eager to master particular talents such as sport and music. Both of them have their own strength which will be addressed in this essay.  
  
On the one hand, some people said that gifted children are the luckiest one. Naturally, it is happened due to particular ability adhere to them since they were born. Their development are often beyond their parents expectation. It might not surprise us, for instance, children who emerge in television with splendid talent in music playing arduous technique even they are still in pre-school age. Moreover, they obtain it spontaneously which is literally given by god to them, as a result they will conquer some talents without any frequently exercise.  
  
On the other hand, though, opponents of gifted children highlight the possibility of other children to have certain talents compared to gifted children. Firstly, children can be taught for mastery particular talent that they interested in, such as music and sport. Many research provide information regarding many children which are taught seriously will be expert in specific talent in the future. For instance, many famous musician and athlete have passed their long training times to master in music or sport. Secondly, birth ratio of gifted children are lower than talented children which means many children are talented person, as a result they were born to be a lifelong learner.  
  
In conclusion, I believe every children are born to be raising star but the way they attain it is completely different. It might be achieved by teaching them and giving continuous exercise, while others reach that due to their inborn talent. However, the deceive factors are still depended on their hard working.  
  
307 words
## Technology and Environmental Policy

  
  
Some are in favor of the view that solving environmental issues people should make simple life. By contrast, others disagree with this idea and believe that developing technology makes contribution on dealing with environment difficulties. This essay is going to discuss both views and clarify that the advantages of both opinions.  
  
To begin, there are some benefits when people live simple lives and independent on technology. Instead of using car go to the office we should walk or ride cycle every day. The current number of cars used is increasing, which causes the pollution air and climate change by exhaust fumes. In addition, it is time for individual should reduce consumption of electricity so that restricting exploits of the natural environment. For example, we can join light-off events annual or Earth hours.  
  
On the other hand, the advent of technology also make contribution to protect environment. Technology is able to recycle materials such as: glass, paper ... so we can deal with a large of number of toxic wastes. Besides we create renewable resources environmentally friendly, it allowed people to have a good environment life. As a result, people cope to man-made disaster such natural disaster, loss of habitat to lead being under threat.  
  
In conclusion, while people think that they should live simple life to improve environment. In my opinion, a good environment benefit from technology development if we apply technology wisely
Quynh, this essay will get an automatic failing score because you did not meet the minimum word count requirement of 250 words. That is one full page or 5 paragraphs composed of 5 sentences each. Truth be told, since I saw that your word count was under the minimum, I thought that I should not follow through in additional advice for your essay anymore. However, that would be a disservice to you so I should at least point out what the problems with the essay are and how you can improve it.  
  
Unfortunately, you did not provide me with a copy of the original prompt that you are responding to so I cannot be sure if you have actually written an essay that aligns itself with the prompt expectations and requirements. So I will just give you advice based on the problems that I see in the essay.  
  
You have a tendency to just keep on giving multiple reasons per paragraph in your essay, without really explaining or building upon the facts you have presented. As a standard rule, you should only present one reason per paragraph in order to give you a chance to clearly explain your reason and offer acceptable supporting examples for it. With only 5 sentences per paragraph, you really don't have enough room to fully explain all the reasons you present in one paragraph. That is why you were given 3 evidentiary discussion paragraphs. That is the purpose of the body of paragraphs, to present evidence of the discussions you are instructed to present. However, multiple presentations come across as confusing to the reader. So one reason per paragraph is the most acceptable format for the essay presentation.  
  
You made the mistake of using your opinion as the closing paragraph of this essay. That will result in a major loss of points for you because the essay should close with a summary of the discussion, not a personal opinion. the summarized discussion helps to close the essay because it wraps up the discussion in a manner that reiterates your personal point of view in the essay.  
  
I feel like something is off in your discussion though. Normally, a discussion of the advantage and disadvantages does not include a personal opinion. I wish I had the original prompt by which to judge your work by. Please don't forget to upload the original prompt with your next essay. That is, should you decide to seek more advice from us at this forum.
... advent of technology ~~also make contribution~~  contributes to **protecting** **the** environment.  
  
... should live **a** simple life to improve **the** environment. ... environment **benefits** from ... wisely**.**  
  
Instead of using**a** car ~~go~~  to the office ... or ride **a** cycle every day. ... which causes ~~the~~ ~~pollution~~ air **pollution** and climate ... time for **an** individual ...
Topic: *These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Do you think it is a positive or a negative development?*  
  
## family model evolution

  
  
Traditional parental roles, in the few recent decades, have witnessed their own transformation with numerous women taking the role of the breadwinners and their spouses as stay-at-home dads. This phenomenon obviously takes root in several premises, some of which will be clarified hereinafter with particular emphasis on its positive impacts on blood-related relationships and the society at large.  
  
The transforming roles can be substantially attributed to the current job market requirements and the mindset changes as well.The mentioned changes in commonly-posted job description mean, thanks to the accelerated technological advances, the contracted number of physical-challenging job positions and the ample chances for intellectual jobs, more available job opportunities for qualified women. The current working conditions, at the same time, favour women with the sufficient benefit packages such as extended maternal leaves and insurance to guarantee the productivity rates. The second worth-mentioning factor lies in the lessened stereotypes of fixed gender roles with a hard-working husband and a household wife. To be more specific, if the whole family is supported wholly by the mother, the 21-century husband need not suffer from the embarrassment or stressful judgements as those in the past. The modern open-minded society, in light of the women's empowerment success, also accepts women at higher positions not to mention the crucial political roles, for example, Theresa Mary May as the Prime Minister of the U.K.  
  
This equal status of both genders in family, stemming from aforementioned causes, has been benefiting the family life and the society as well. Firstly, the trend yields the tremendous merits to the young generation with fairly balanced supports from their parents. To illustrate, the career-oriented fathers who, in the old days, often devoted his lifetime for career prospects now can allocate his time for child-rearing, thus developing the positive male traits, such as strength and determination for his children. At the same time, the caring mother can still play a undeniable role despite the tight working schedule. Secondly, on the society ground, with the best of both genders increasing their potential capacity at work, the workplace performance and the overall development would be heightened. The feasible creativity from the other half of the world could bring more life-changing innovations for business, with more attempts to contribute to gender equality campaigns.  
  
In conclusion, several timely catalysts have been changing the family roles as analyzed above, with considerably advantageous influences on the family and also on the worldwide scale.