dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?**  
  
Children is the period to improve more skills like international language. People regard that studying a foreign language well when they are study in primary school than secondary school. Personally, I believe that learning at the first education in school for children brings more benefit than drawbacks. This essay will discuss the merit of learning at first education of child and then, explanation of negative effect if kids learn other language than their local language.  
  
Nowadays, system education has put international language in the lesson of students, especially primary schools. This regulation have positive effect to increase kids knowledge about another language. Besides, children who have 7-10 years more easy to pick up other languages than teenagers. Because their brain quickly accept information so, it is good way for teaching pupils when they are in primary schools. It is refers to explanation of Putra at Indonesia University, he said 65% children in Bogor elementary school more easy to understand and remember of vocabulary in foreign language than student in high school level. Because child have good ability to memorize in their brain than teenagers.  
  
On the other hand, knowing other language when begin to school more efficient to development career of kids, it directly makes them easy communicating with other from abroad. And when star for the next level education, kids will not get problem to study about international language because they good basic when primary school. However, it is good but there is advantages of this situation. Children will more respect a foreign language than their local language. But it will not have big problem as long as their environment always uses their mother language.  
  
In conclusion, learning other language in elementary school more effective to develop basic skill of kids, so they will not get problem when want to start study in secondary level. Although, it will make them do not more understand their local language.(318w).
Hallo riski.. here my suggestion toward your essay..  
  
~~Children~~**Childhood is the period**to improve more skills ...  
... the first education ~~in~~ of school for children ...  
This essay will discuss **the merit of learning at first education of child**and then, **explanation of negative effect if kids learn other language than their local language.**  
  
*riski.. i found something odd about your essay starting from your introduction. You have achieved to put what the advantages briefly in your introduction, however you did not make it outweigh than its drawbacks. You give same number of each benefit and disadvantage. Moreover, your drawbacks is not appropiate i guess. Perphaps your essay will be better if you explain the disadvantages of learn international languages since primary school not about comparison with local language. You must make your introduction attractive thus reader will continue to read on your body paragraph. Keep writing and Good Luck*
**The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead.  
  
To what extend do you agree or disagree?  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience**  
  
Nowadays, the daily lives and relationships of famous people such as artists and sport man are become news focus by the media while they should more spreading news of commoner life. Personally, I tremendously agree with the statement. There are several reasons to encourage my point of view.  
  
To begin, certain celebrities have glamour life bad lifestyle. They also become the centre of public attention without exception young generation which really easy is affected by bad habits of celebrities. They are unaware about the consequence if they follow celebrity habits as a role model. For illustrate, many cases about Indonesian artists which involve in drug case and live in jail as the consequence. For the result, the career of the artists will be disappear and their life worse in advance. Furthermore, hedonism lifestyle of celebrities causes adults more consumptive only for following the style of their idol and celebrities also causes adverse effects of their relationships which media used as a gossip and an entertainment for public.  
  
However, the media should be airing news about unknown people which have achievement and beneficial for their society. Many commoners give advantages for their environment such as a doctor which gives healthcare free for poor people and a farmer discover new method for irrigation which the media no pay attention to their dedication. For example, an aircraft pilot in Nusa Tenggara Barat, Indonesia, which invest all of his salary in orphan house and he take care more than 100 juveniles and toddlers life. Not only he nurtures the children, but also to teach and he pays full attention to them. As a result, in 2016 he got an award from international social organization because of his amazing dedication for society.  
  
Taking everything into consideration, reporting about common people lives should be become the centre of media attention rather than useless information about artist lives and relationships. In the other side, focus on common people lives gives widespread inspiration for society.
**Hi Mister Dioba..  
These are my thoughts towards your essay, but I only focus on your contents.**  
  
There are several reasons to encourage my point of view.  
*Actually, this can be categorized as the overview. However, if you wanna achieve a higher score, you should mention your reasons briefly to show general description what you are gonna review in the body paragraph. One or two words are used to inform your opinion.*  
  
For illustrate, many cases about Indonesian artists ...  
*You should focus on effects what will happen if the media concentrate on the life of artists such children will be easy to duplicate their behavior. There was a tendency that you explained some conditions of their life.*  
  
Turning to the second body paragraph, you are supposed to explain reasons what positive aspects present if the media broadcasts more about the usual people. However, you tended to display rewards got by people. You showed dedication for public, whereas the prompts asked you to give reason why their history is supposed to be appeared.  
  
He got an award from international ...  
Taking everything into consideration  
*Avoid odd words to point out you wrote the conclusion. It is sufficient to write " In conclusion/ to conclude/ to sum up"*.
Hallo dioba.. i want to give you some suggestion..  
  
*There are several reasons to encourage my point of view*. **You are able to put your reason why you agree toward this notion here. It will be better and can increase your score in this section.**. **However, in another part, you already success to paraphrase the question by using some sophisticated words.**  
  
... attention without exception **FOR** young generation which really easy ~~is affected~~**INFLUENCE**by bad habits of celebrities. They are unaware about the consequence if they follow celebrity ...  
  
... live in jail as the consequence . For the result, ~~the~~ career of ~~the~~ artists will be disappear ...  
  
GOOD LUCK!
***Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantage***s?  
  
Some linguists think that children should start practicing a foreign language at primary school instead of secondary school. Since they will gather many advantages such as at that age, new knowledge is more easily to gain and they have much time to master it further. However, sometimes they will face hesitation because of language mixed. So, this essay will discuss benefits outweighed drawback.  
  
Some people encouraged children to learn foreign language at primary school, because it is a golden age, which children can be more facile catch the new words and sounds then imitate it precisely. Besides, they can prepare themselves to practice more in language stages such as grammar in the next step of their life. Oxford University have conducted study to compare language mastering of international primary school students and general high school students and resulted that their managing language of primary students were almost the same as high school students in vocabulary mastering. It proved that children gain as much as vocabulary with the older people who did not intend to learn language. So, if they continue to learn they will master the language.  
  
Nevertheless, learning non-mother language sometimes trigger non-fluency of children in talk using mother language. Take my cousin as an example. He is studying in international school where he had to speak English. He is very fluency in English, but when I talked to him with Indonesian language, he will speak doubting as he has just learned bahasa, even his mother language is Indonesian language.  
  
All in all, the language expertise may be true that children have to learn foreign language at primary school since they will be easy to gather or remember words and applying it. Then, it is saving time to learn more at secondary school in next steps even though they may experience some hesitation in mixed language. This essay has already revealed the excellence outweighed weakness. 313w
Nur, in terms of overall task accuracy, you will definitely get a 5. That is when your overall discussion, as well as your paraphrasing of the prompt are considered for the final score in that scoring bracket. Your cohesion and cohesiveness will most likely follow in the same vein and score another 5 because you were able to present a logical, although sometimes confusing discussion of the prompt using somewhat proper cohesive devices. Lexical resource proves to be your weakest point though because of the way that you are using improper terms for describing your thoughts or explaining your positions. Due to the problems that the poor vocabulary choices creates for your essay, the lexical resource will score no higher than a 3. Finally, grammar range and accuracy leaves me scoring you with a 4. The errors that your sentence development creates normally makes it difficult for the reviewer to grasp your discussion. Sometimes, I find myself second guessing your meaning or I really just get confused by your grammar presentation. Overall though, you have a pretty good attempt at explaining the essay. I only wish you can pay more attention to developing your grammar and vocabulary so that you can get a higher score in your next practice test. You need to score higher than a 5 in all sections to get a decent score.
**Task 2 - Universities should accept the equal numbers of male and female students in every subject**  
  
Nowadays, with the evolution in educational system, the amounts of boy and girl learners have been reaching the peak. Numerous people believe that these numbers should be equivalent for each subject while others are against that idea. In my opinion, due to the different interests between men and women as well as the variety in requirements of every subjects, it is not possible to have the equal amounts of male and female students.  
  
It is not doubtful that male and female leaners possess completely different interests due to their personality and nature gaps. According to recent studies, almost men would rather study subjects related to logic thinking while women prefer to study subjects related to languages. That completely affects to their decision when choosing their majors in University; therefore, the amounts of male and female students probably do not equal in every subject.  
  
Moreover, because of the fact that every subject requires specific skill sets whose usually belongs to either male or female, it is not possible to have the equivalent numbers between two kinds of learners. For instance, technical subjects which men refer to require resolving skills and researching skills, whereas, social subjects which women refer to require an excellent memory and relevant language skills. That explains why the total numbers of men and women are not equal.  
  
In short, it is not reasonable to expect equal numbers of two types of students for each subjects due to the variety of student interests and the difference of subject demands.
Ho Nguyen,  
  
- ~~Nowadays~~(Nowadays is less academic)These days , with the evolution in educational system, the ~~amounts~~number of boy and girl learners have ~~been reaching~~reached~~the~~its peak. (inappropriate time signal for present perfect continuous.)  
  
- ... variety in requirements of every ~~subjects~~subject , it is not...  
  
- ~~It is not doubtful that~~Undoubtedly, male and female ~~leaners~~learners possess completely different...  
- According to recent studies (unclear) , almost men would rather...  
- ~~That~~This completely affects ~~to~~ their decision (...) in University and therefore, the amounts (...) probably ~~do not equal~~cannot be equal in every subject.  
  
As you can see, some grammatical issues still exist in your essay. I hope you can consider the above-mentioned feedback and gain some improvements in the next practice :)
Dear, honguyen  
  
This my advice for you, I hope it can help you.  
  
**First, remember you must write at least 250 till 265 words. and ensure you using uncommon words or vocabulary. second, caution your grammatical error. and don't write repetitive words, and last if you know idioms you can using it, it can increased your band rapidly.**  
  
and this is my correction for you:  
..., the amounts of boy and girl learners have been reaching the peak. >> when you introduce your sentence you must show your explanation, I mean you must decide if you agree or no
The cholera is one of disease that is caused by water contaminated. The previous device to test water contaminated has many disadvantages, like after it changes, the picture of condition on the ground will be obtained and for implementation need very expensive cost. The alternative device is water canary with many advantages like it is fast because use light for the chemical reaction to take place, also it is cheap device because no need to use reagents that can run out, and finally it no need expert person to get actionable information about water contaminated. The working step to test water is inserted a water sample and within second, the device will display either the light which the red light indicate the contaminated water or the green light that indicate safety sample. Everyone can collect life-saving information and can monitor water quality condition. This device integrates with wireless networking by GPS and GSM which can read automatically transmitted to servers to be mapped in real time, so this way can prevent the contaminated water before it becomes emergencies  
  
Source : TED
Hi, there are several mistake i found in your summary.  
1,The cholera is one of ~~disease~~diseases(plural/singular issues) that is caused ...  
2. ... with many advantages ~~like it is~~such as fast because use (...) can run out, and ~~finally it~~ do not need an expert ~~person~~ to get actionable information ...  
  
3. like after it changes ---> The change refer to? device?  
Keep writing Yuri.
The cholera is one of ~~disease~~diseases ( plural singular issue, on of always followed by plural) that is caused by water contaminated.  
  
The previous device to test water contaminated has many disadvantages  
I think that this is little confusing sentence did you mean a result of previous test shows that many disadvantages....  
  
~~like~~"such as" you can use this word if you want mention many kinds of objects/noun/steps etc after it changes, ...
Hi. Here are my suggestions towards your essay.  
  
The cholera is one of disease that is caused ...  
if you want to tell the water which is contaminated, you can try to use "contaminated water rather than water contaminated."  
  
The previous device to test water contaminated ...  
The device to test contaminated water or the device to test the water containing harmful materials.  
  
disadvantages, like after ...  
"like" is not conjunctions.  
  
for implementation need very expensive cost.  
**Prepositional phrase is not able to be the subject of sentence.**  
  
because use light for the chemical reaction to take place, also it is cheap ...  
where is your subject here?  
  
when you are using the conjunctions, make sure that **(the number of conjunctions = the number of sentence +1)**  
  
light which the red light indicate the contaminated water  
You cannot use this adverbial clause here. try to use Noun Clause.  
  
I hope it can be useful for you.  
Goodluck and Keep Spirited.
please help to know my mistake and mark in 4 criterion in writing task 2: task achievement, coherence and cohesion, lexical resource, grammatical range and accuracy. If i want get 7 plus band ...what to do in this writing.  
  
**Bar chart shows the different modes of transport used to travel to and from work in one European city in 1960, 1980 and 2000.**  
  
A breakdown of information about the changing patterns of transport use in a European city in forty years from 1960 to 2000 is presented in bar chart. Overall, it is important to note that a significant increase was in the use of the car as a means of transport, while the popularity of bike use and walking habit decreased, and the use of bus experienced a fluctuation during the period.  
  
In 1960, the proportion of use of motor car was least with only about 7% , but this use rocketed to 23 percent in 1980. It then continued to finally reach about 37% 2000, a massive 5-fold increase in use in forty years.  
  
In contrast, as transport mode, Bicycle and foot had been experienced a downward trend. Foot was the trendiest means of transport with 35% in 1960, but this plummeted to a low of 9% during the period. Likewise,bicycle use fell from a high of about 27% in 1960 to just 7% in 2000. However, the figure for bus use went up, by 8% from the 1960 figure of 19% before falling back to about 18% in 2000.  
  
thanks in advance.. :)  
  
*
... is presented in bar chart and is measured in percent . Overall, it is important to note that ...---> introduction sentence consist of paraphrase the question, the measurement of the graph and your overview.  
  
... and walking habit decreased, ~~and the use of bus experienced a fluctuation during the period.~~ ---> the bus is not fluctuate, you need more than 2 upward points and 2 downward points so you can say it fluctuate  
  
to get score 7, you need to present a clear overview of main trends,differences, or stages(based on band descriptor)  
  
you should paraphrase the percentage, so your summary not looks like monotonous. (ex: 25% = a quarter, 7,8,9%= a minority)  
  
to boost your score, you have to use less common vocabularies.  
  
Keep writing and break a leg.
Hi Dioba,Thanks for correction. **please see it , here is corrected one.**  
  
A breakdown of information about the shifting patterns of using transportation ...  
  
\*\*please help to know my mistake and mark in 4 criterion in writing task 2: task achievement, coherence and cohesion, lexical resource, grammatical range and accuracy. If i want get 7 plus band ...what to do in this writing.\*\*
Syeda, apart from the above-mentioned feedback, you need to complete the way that you present the information in the overview / introduction of your essay. It is unfortunate that you created only two sentences in what was otherwise a very strong start to your essay. Your mistake was compressing the information into the two sentences you presented. If you want to get 7 in the actual test, format your opening statement into at least three sentences this way:  
  
*A breakdown of the information... (1st sentence)  
The values are measured... (2nd sentence)  
Overall, it is important to note that... (3rd sentence)*  
  
The first body of your essay also has the same problem. If you don't serve up the information from the chart in the proper way within the essay, you will badly damage your final grade in the essay. I suggest that you approach the first body in the following manner:  
  
*In 1960, the proportion... (1st sentence)  
It then continued... (2nd sentence)  
In addition,... (3rd sentence)*  
  
Keep in mind that each paragraph of your essay needs to have at least 3 sentences in each before it can even be considered acceptable by the examiner. The idea is to have you present a complete thought and understanding of all the aspects of the chart you were provided. By limiting yourself to only 2 sentences per paragraph, you fail to display your ability to express yourself in the English language, which is a major component of the scoring system.  
  
Hope this helps :)
**Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?**  
  
Nowadays, many countries decide that children must begin learning a foreign language at primary school. Some experts are often claim that it is better than they must start learning at secondary school. Personally, I believe that benefits outweigh drawback. This essay will first discuss about ability of people to remember something new, such as new vocabulary decrease analogously with age increasingly then talk about easily to attract children to learn about foreign language in early age and children can easily to study about other language in primary school because they have not many activities.  
  
To begin with, owing to the fact that people can find weakness to recall about something new, such as vocabulary collateral with age increasingly. According to the latest research in Tokyo University, people have ability to store a new vocabulary at five until seven years old, when it is phase that children study in preliminary school. As a result, in the earliest school children more advisable to accept material about foreign language than in the secondary school. However, compulsion children to learn more about new language also not good for their development because it can take much time to them to practice and memorize also in the age until seven years old children must be able to equal about playing and studying.  
  
On the other hand, at a child, people can easily to be influenced because with reference to Children and Education System Research in Queensland in 2010, 87 percent children at age until seven years old will abreast what parents and teachers say to them. Thus, parents can be effortless to guide their children to learn other language. Besides, when children study at first school, they have not many activities in daily. They are just studying and playing. Consequently, they have much time to memorize and practice about new vocabulary that they get in school. According to research of Foreign Language for Children in UK in 2009, 74 percent of children can improve quickly about foreign language because more than ten hours in day can they use to practice. As a result, actually that true that children who study in primary school can study new language better than they learn in secondary school.  
  
All in all, it is my firm belief that learning a foreign language in primary school can give many positive impacts for children because they have ability to save lots of new vocabulary and they have much time to keep practice. Then it can aid them to improve quickly about new language.