dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**The graph shows in percentage terms the changing patterns of domestic access to modern technology in the UK.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
## access to the technology in United Kingdom from 1996 to 2003

  
  
My writing:  
  
The graph provides information about the private use of Internet, Cd player, mobile phone and home computer in the UK from 1996 to 2003.  
  
The general trend of the four elements was upward: Cd player had the highest percentage with approximately 60% among all in 1996/97 and rose gradually up to 80% over the next six years. The lowest percentage in 1996/97 belonged to internet access which experienced a significant rise to above 40% during the period.  
  
Between 1996 and 1999 mobile phone and Pc trends were going upward while just after 1999 there was a remarkable increase of the access to mobile phones to around 70%, compared to home computers use which rose gradually to nearly 60%.  
  
It is noticeable that the access to mobile phones experienced the biggest increase in terms of percentage, becoming the second technological device most used, after cd player, among households in the UK.  
  
*
Alessandro, you have to always remember that you will lose points for writing single sentences instead of complete paragraphs. In order to score higher in all 4 sections of scoring, you must make sure to write at least 200 words in the overall essay. Each paragraph must be comprised of 3 sentences each. If you don't write at least 3 sentences each, you will not be able to prove your command of the English language in a written sense since you will be writing only the simplest of sentences and will appear to not even be trying to develop complex sentences and paragraphs, which offer you a higher score consideration. While your essay accurately summarizes the graph, the analysis portion is lacking based on all considerations. The complex sentences would have come from the proper analysis of the more intricate points of the essay. There were no representations of the overlapping comparisons per year or year on year, which could have set up a more complex representation of the essay and allowed you to be considered for a higher score evaluation.
## Take risk or stay in place

  
  
It is hard to believe that the successful people have not taken any risk at any point of their lives.Search for their stories, we all will be amazed that they have taken extraordinary risks to follow their dreams.To achieve your goals, you have to stay focus, and calm. You need to be on your toes to attain your aim. I consider myself a risk taker, but the biggest risk I have taken was when I passed my high school. I followed my dreams and went against my parent's wish to become a doctor. I excelled in studies, so my parents wanted me to pursue my career in medical line.  
  
I had no interest in science, although I was good in it. I chose math as my major and told my parents about my decision. They were furious and worried about my future.They offered me financial help if I choose science, but I refused their offer. I was excited about my decision but also had second thought sometimes in my mind.  
  
It was really hard when I actually faced the real world . In the beginning, I had to face time management problems and the circumstances was not quite in my favor. I started regretting my decision. I had to work and study all by my own. Then I read many books on the struggle of the successful and famous people and that helped me a lot. I controlled myself and put my efforts in studies and work. I work even harder in my studies.  
  
Finally, I graduated from my college. I was in the toppers. I still remember, I called my parents about my achievement and they were happy and appreciated my hard work and concentration to achieve my aim.I felt so relaxed and proud that I can not explain in words .That was the best day of my life.I learnt valuable lesson of my life that risk taking seems hard but the lessons you can learn out of your struggle will make you a better person and a good human being.  
  
In conclusion, I would say nothing is impossible. All you have to do is take risks, set your goals, and stay focus.Hard work is key of success It is perfectly fine if you fail in your first attempt, just do not lose hope and keep trying. After ten years, you are only going to regret on the things you have not done instead of your failures.
Baljinder, this is a narrative form of essay writing. Therefore, there is no need to write such an academically formal concluding paragraph. The best point to have closed this essay would have been in the paragraph before the concluding paragraph that you wrote. It is important that you understand the kind of essay that you are being required to write before you write it because you need to make sure that your writing skills reflect the proper requirements of the essay type.  
  
Admittedly, your English grammar skills are nowhere near academically acceptable due to the numerous flaws that were pointed out previously. However, if you had managed to write the essay in the expected manner, then you would have at least, presented the proper format for the essay. For the opening statement, you did not need to create such a flowery introductory statement. Simply stating the expected discussion would have been enough. Remember, you are writing under a time constraint. This is not the time for creative writing presentations. A direct to the point narrative essay would be best in order to help you complete all 3 sections of the test within the allotted time.
## reasons to attend a British university

  
  
The two pie charts compare students' responses to a survey about fundamental reasons to go to a specific university in the UK in the years 1987 and 2007.  
  
It is clear that university course fitness was the most important concern in both years. While distance to parents' house was the least concerned in 1987, it had become the second most important reason to study at a UK college by 2007  
  
In 1987, 35% of students choosing a particular UK university rated suitable degree courses as their number-one-worry, which was considerably higher than the percentages of the two second most common concerns, quality of studying resources and provision of sport and social activities, 21% and 19% respectively. The quality of educational teaching came next at 15%, while just 10% of students who went to a UK tertiary education worried about the closeness to their parents' house.  
  
By 2007, the amount of students concerning university course suitability rose slightly by 2% to 37%. In contrast, the worries related to supporting for sport and other social activities saw a dramatic decrease to a mere 6%. There was a growing concern for the proximity to parental home with the figure reaching 22%, whereas the quality of available resources fell slightly by 3% and the teaching quality saw a small rise.  
  
(215 words)  
  
*
Darren, while you did a pretty good representation of the overall information in the essay, your summary statement lacks vital information that would have made it a considerably well developed overview of the information provided. While you are not advised to present actual information or figures in the opening paragraph, you could have outlined the upcoming discussion based upon the sections that needed to be represented in your comparison discussion. That means, the information that the percentages were based upon a specific criteria such as quality of resources and suitable degree courses, along with the other discussion points, should have been indicated in the opening statement. The inclusion of these information would have better prepared the reader for the forthcoming information presentation that you did very well in your succeeding discussion paragraphs.
**Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?  
Because modern life is very complex, it is essential for young people to have the ability to plan and organize.**  
  
## young people ability to manage and plan

  
  
Thanks for the advanced technology, it makes people's life more convenient and colorful. In other words, people now a day have to do a lot of choices, they have many goods to choice in each shopping, or they have many options to do at the same time.There is no doubt that modern life is more complicated than before; therefore, I believe that it is important for young people to have the ability to plan and organize.  
  
To begin with, the first ability that I think young people should have is managing the priority. Just mentioned in the former paragraph, human beings have to do lots of decisions per day, their schedules must be busy, so how to manage the priority is a quite basic issue to concern. Take me for example, I will save my schedule in the cell phone, so I will decide what I am going to do before that day. Moreover, the cell phone will remind me with the alarming system that I won't forget the important meeting or appointments.  
  
Secondly, making plain is always necessary because you usually do not have time to make a decision on that moment. Moreover, you are probably to make a mistake, so to avoid making such a stupid mistake, making a plan is a solution. Doing a schedule is similar to creating a plan, both need to think and then make a decision, so I consider that schedule is a helpful tool to help people to manage their life and make a plan.  
  
Last but not least, if the young people are unable to manage and plan they are in danger. This is because they may waste their time on trivial things, and they possibly forget to do the necessary tasks. Unfortunately, they might not accomplish anything, as the result of the trivial things distract their attention.  
  
In conclusion, the more sophisticated the world are, the more careful young people should be because the changes of the word is complex; however, if the young people cultivate the ability of planning and organizing they will not have to be scared, they can control their life well done.  
  
If someone could tell me how much score will I get, that would be so great!
Eric, let me score you on a point by point basis so that you can understand the parts of the TOEFL test that you will need to improve in order to get a better score. In the Task Accuracy portion, you made a mistake in the paraphrasing of the original prompt so that will gain you a score of 4 in the end. That is because you failed to properly format your final or topic sentence that should have instead said "I agree that because modern life is complex..." rather than saying "I believe that it is important..." A change in the mere format of the sentence totally changed the prompt discussion requirement which could lead the reviewer to assume that you are not very capable of understanding English instructions. It would also be best if you do not focus too much on the discussion of gadgets in the completion of daily activities since the gadgets are not mentioned as a part of the discussion requirements. Keeping that reference vague would have shown a clearer understanding of modern life without focusing on a particular topic. Now, as for the rest of the essay, from C&C, Lexical Resource, and GRA, I believe that you will score a consistent 5 in each section because your abilities reflect the expectations for that particular score. Basically, you did well in the discussion part. It is the paraphrasing, which proves English comprehension skills that you have a problem with. The introduction must properly reflect the restated prompt so you have to be sure that you understand what discussion requirements and topics for discussion are required in your essay and be sure to outline those in your opening statement.
**It is neither possible nor useful for all students to further education after graduation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## the vocational training courses for students

  
  
It is widely believed that tertiary education plays such an important role, for it breeds young talents and these students after courses gain more chances to work with high-paid salary. However, I believe not all students should participate in these training programs  
  
At first, financial burden drives certain students away from furthering education. Students who are from poverty-stricken backgrounds face this problem, which induces them to rather opt for vocational programs and earn for a living with a less appealing income, compared to those gaining bright certificate and working for international corporations. Although certain universities provide financial aids but these can not live up to a large number of disadvantaged students. Therefore, these people are encouraged to rather become craftsmen or ordinary workers. I believe being responsible for any tasks regardless of any jobs is appreciative.  
  
Moving to the second reason, there is no guarantee for every students who have attended the tertiary vocational programs secure a job after completing. For example, in certain industrialized countries such as America or Singapore, agricultural major students who even gain the brightest certificate may not find appealing working positions. This leaves those ones to be unemployed and be a burden for society. Another case in this point is that not all students attending after-university programs study what they dream of yet other people, especially parents drive them to do and that these students become unmotivated and under pressure trying their best to live up to parents' expectations. Vietnam is a good example of this point. Therefore, tertiary education should not be for everyone but for real promising students pursuing their true passion.  
  
In conclusion, I reassure my points that the vocational training courses after graduation should not be for all students as they are either unaffordable or unsuitable for certain people.
Ethan, why did you focus on vocational training as the topic for discussion in this essay? There is nothing in the prompt requirements that indicates a specific focus on vocational schools. Rather, the discussion is general in tone and therefore covers everything from a simple work related seminar (continued professional education), masters degree (academic advancement for professional career growth), and PhD studies (executive position professional training). Since there was no focus on a specific after tertiary education academic undertaking, you should not have focused on vocational schooling as the main point of your discussion. You ultimately changed the prompt requirement by discussing a topic that you chose to discuss instead of presenting facts and reasons relating to the original topic presented to you. That said, the mistaken discussion that you made, though somewhat related to the topic on hand, will not get you a passing score in this test. The main reason for the failing score is that you deviated from the prompt requirement.
Any comments and corrections are deeply appreciated, thank you in advance !  
  
***The graph below shows radio and television audiences of United Kingdom throughout the day in the year 1992. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.***  
  
television viewers and radio listeners in UK  
  
The provided line graph depicts the daily audiences percentage of United Kingdom radio and television during October to December in 1992. As can be seen, both media has their peak point in the completely different time of the day. While radio has it during the morning, television has them when the night comes.  
  
Both line graphs started almost at the same percetage value with only a slight difference in number. Comes the morning, a dramatical change was occured in the graph representing the radio listeners. A rise to 25% made the chart in stark contrast to those of television audiences, which remained steady as its preceeding trend. It was not until around 9 AM that the television audiences percentage started to rose.  
  
From then on, the television viewer gradually inclined until 3 PM where it suddenly doubled, and reached a percentage of over 40% of viewers by 8PM. In contrast, the radio audiences percentage started to fall down by 9 AM and carried on until the end of the day.  
  
(170 words)  
  
*
Haiyin, you need to develop a more consistent presentation of your timeline in your English sentences. Try to familiarize yourself with the tense usage methods in order to help you understand and decide upon which proper tense should be used in your sentence development. You are confusing the reader because you are mixing present and past tenses in your sentences. Consistency in your timeline is necessary in a summary academic presentation. The information you presented discusses the more obvious graph representations and figures. So that shows that you consulted the graph while developing your essay. However, you failed to note that there are 2 points during the day when television and radio seem to share an equal audience number. Those are information that can only be gained from a thorough review of the more intricate details of the chart. Including such minute details in your academic summary will help help to increase your score.
## the new facilities in Tusk university

  
  
"Tusk university should build a new recreational facility, both to attract new students and to better serve the needs of our current student body. Tusk projects that enrollment will double over the next 10 years, based on current trends. The new school body is expected to reflect a much higher percentage of commuter students than we currently enroll. This will make the existing facilities inadequate. Moreover, the cost of health and recreation club membership in our community has increased rapidly in recent years. Thus, students will find it much more advantageous to make use of the facilities on campus. Finally, an attractive new recreation center would make prospective students, especially athletically gifted ones, more likely to enroll at Tusk"  
  
Write a response that examines this argument's unstated assumptions. Make sure you explain how  
this argument depends on those assumptions and what the implications are if the assumptions are  
wrong.  
  
The argument that Tusk university should build a new recreational facility to attract new students and better serve current ones as a result of projections about probable increase in enrollment due to current trends sounds true and valid at first glance. However, on critical evaluation, it appears the suggestion lacks evidence of substance.  
  
The writer suggests that Tusk should build a new facility to better serve current students but stops short at providing evidence that the student body really needs the facility. Evidence has not been provided to suggest that an opinion poll has been conducted to know the students' needs. What if their need is a better management of the existing facility? A new library perhaps? First knowing their pulse about the issue would have been a better idea. Moreover, it would account to waste of valuable resources if the projection that enrollment would increase based on current trends were wrong.  
  
The writer assumes that the new facilities would encourage athletically gifted students to opt for Tusk ahead of other universities. However, she failed to provide evidence to prove that neighbouring universities lack these facilities. She did not investigate if neighbouring universities have Olympic standard recreation facility capable of crippling those at Tusk.  
  
The claim that cost of recreation and health clubs would better make Tusk facility advantageous to students lack concrete evidence, as she failed to report that students patronise these health clubs.  
  
(Truncated by time constraint. Stopped​ when the 30 minute alloted ran out. Kindly review and state your observations)
Sodiq, basing the result of your work on the 30 minute time constraint, I am confident that you can get a score of 4 with this essay. You could have gotten a 5 or higher if you had enough time to do extra editing work on the essay that you developed. That is not a bad score considering that you were able to cover most of the important discussions of the implied reasons within the previous essay. I would like to advise you not to use questions in your essay because the presentation of questions implies that you will be delivering a response to those questions. The essay prompt should be more than enough to help you create a pointed discussion in your essay. If you place your own questions and have to respond to it in order to keep the flow going, you will end up changing the overall discussion. So, to avoid and down scoring on your part, just stick to the given discussion sans any questions on your part.
Topic: **Some people argue that modern technology is increasing the gap between the rich and the poor. To what extent do you disagree or agree.**  
  
## modern technology and financial inequality

  
  
Modern science and technology have benefited humans meanwhile led to changes in society. It is believed that the development of technology results growing inequality. From my perspective, technological advancement generally improves all humans' quality of life but also widens the wealth gap significantly.  
  
Modern technology has contributed to the increase of economic inequality. Not only does automatic control technology result in lower production costs but also raise the unemployment rate as workers replaced by machines, which means that factory owners could earn more profits than before, but in the meanwhile, the economic condition of workers, especially blue-collar workers, become worse. Secondly, the wider gap is also due to globalization, which stems from advanced information technology and modern transport system. By using the modern means of transportation and communication, firms are able to invest, manage and market overseas, which leads to increasing monopoly powers and an exploding wealth of these business owners and senior managers who are already rich. As the contrast, the wage level of workers has unchanged even shrunk since factories migrated to low-wage countries.  
  
On the other hand, technology has positive effects on both wealth and poor people and creates many opportunities such as doing small business online. However, that is not likely to reverse the general trend that the demand for blue-collar workers has been declining. Improvement of technology shall be more beneficial to people who with the expertise and creativity to use these advances, which drives income inequality: well-educated workers could have a higher income, but workers with less education and expertise fall behind.  
  
To sum up, the wealth gap has becoming widened due to modern technology. As a necessary factor of inequality, the effect of scientific technology to the social structure should have drawn widespread attention because only when people faced up to this problem can it be solved.
Chen, consider the prompt instructions. It is clear threat you are being asked to defend only one side of the issue instead of both because of the word "OR" in the final sentence of the prompt directions. Therefore, you should have declared the extent of your agreement to the statement in your opening paragraph. The last sentence you should have written should have read "I fully agree with this statement for a number of reasons" and then proceeded to outline and discuss these reasons for at least 2 paragraphs before summing up the discussion in the closing paragraph. As of now, this essay partially responds to the prompt requirements. It would not get a passing score because of the wrong discussion format you provided. Only one fully developed opinion was required instead of 2 underdeveloped and different reason presentations. You need to learn how to decipher the type of discussion required by properly understanding the instruction line of the prompt provided.