dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
This is not an extent essay. You should not have discussed it as such. An extent essay asks "To what extent do you agree or disagree?" This essay discussion instruction is asking you "do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages ?" There is a big difference in the response format for the two. Your TA section will lose points because you did not respond in the following manner:  
  
*I believe that this action by the governing councils have more benefits than problems. I will present some of the benefits in this essay to prove my point.*  
  
Your response was nowhere near the prompt requirement. For that you will be judged as having a response that is totally unrelated to the task. Hence, you will get one of the lowest TA section scores. That means, I do not even have to review the rest of the essay, if I were the examiner, you would have already failed due to your inability to properly respond to a question given to you.  
  
Although your body of paragraphs relate to the topic, your TA score is based on the relevance of your paraphrases and responses to the prompt, both of which you failed to properly address in the essay. Since the TA is more than half your score, properly discussing in the body of paragraphs, then having other errors in the remaining sections ensures that your essay will not reach a 5 band score.
**Some grammatical and spelling mistakes:**  
  
- I totally agree**.** **A**lthough ... money **ON** transportation ~~COST~~**,** ~~BUT~~ it will reduce **POLLUTANT** emissions ~~POLLUTION~~ in cities ~~AREAS~~.  
- ... factories to **THE** outside big city appears **THE** risk of ...  
- ... abundant ~~OF~~ money to distribute the product **TO** consumers.  
- ... distributes to **THE** public will need **TO** take much ... increase **THE** price of products.  
- ... price of **THE** product in **THE** market ...  
- ..., certain areas **ARE A** suitable place ... from **THE** society environment.  
- ... that those **WHO** live ... they **BREATHE** litter air every day.  
- **ANOTHER** positive effect **ON** society, ~~THE~~ companies ... in ~~THE~~ rural areas.  
- ... employees with ~~HAVE~~ low ...  
- ... gain **THE** risk of transportation but it **HAS** **A** ~~BIG~~ positive ...
## responsibility of dealing with children's weight and health

  
  
*Task 2: In some countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that it is the responsibility of governments to solve the problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?*  
  
Many people argue that the national authorities might be responsible for dealing with children's obesity issues. I completely disagree with this view.  
  
There are three main reasons why it is not responsibility of governments to cope with these problem mentioned above. Firstly, the federal budget should be spent on things such as state pensions, debt interest and public services (education, health care, military, public transport and so on). Thus, it would be an unnecessary burden on governments in terms of solving obesity among children, especially when countries have a budget deficit. Secondly, they might raise taxes, but it would be difficult to calculate the correct amount of tax increase for those families which have children with overweight and unhealthy. Finally, if political leaders pay public finance for this issue, it might be not equal in society because this case rarely happens in poor families.  
  
On the other hand, I believe that the main reason why children suffer from weight problems lies on how their parents take care of them. Parents nowadays spend less time on their children than before. They provide technology equipments such as smart phone, laptop for their children whenever they are busy or they do not have time to look after them. For instance, in Vietnam several mothers allow their children to use smart phone whole day, so they can do a host of household chores since they do both alone. In addition, the lack of doing exercise is also the reason. As I mentioned above, children tend to exposure to technology gadgets rather than play sports such as soccer, badminton, swimming and so on. So I think that parents should encourage their children to play lots of sports to lose weight.  
  
In conclusion, it seems to me that parents have responsibility of dealing with their children's weight and health, and I also do not believe that governments have to do anything for this issue.
There are grammar issues with your essay. "These" is the plural form of "this". Therefore, you cannot say "these problem". You have to say "these problems". The error is what is known as a noun phrase disagreement and must be corrected to get a good GRA score. Remember to use a comma after a conjunction (busy, or). By the way, there the plural form of "equipment" is still "equipment". That is because this word is not a mass noun.  
  
The prompt paraphrase and conclusion needs to have 3 sentences to be considered a paragraph. Although you did properly respond to the discussion question in the paraphrase and conclusion, the improper formatting of the topic and reason for discussion caused you to be short on sentences. You merged the two topics, which should have been in separate sentences for C&C purposes. Good job with the prompt rephrasing though. It was somewhat of a good job.  
  
Never use a parenthesis in an academic essay. Use only 2 topics at the most in one paragraph which are connected using a transition sentence. Use no more than 5 sentences per paragraph for clarity sake. You cannot just present reasons, you need to properly support the reasons as well, within the same paragraph. You can actually discuss up to 4 connected reasons within 2 paragraph. 2 topics supported by an example and explanation, with a transition sentence connecting the two ideas in the paragraph would be the way to discuss it.
*Ielts Writing Task 1:*  
## The amount of goods transported in the UK from 1974 to 2002

  
  
The line graph illustrates how many tonnes of goods (road,water,rail,pipeline) transported in the UK from 1974 to 2002. Overall, road was the most popular good shipped in the UK while pipeline was the least. The amount of water and rail delivered in this country began almost the same but at the end, this figure was higher with water.  
  
In 1974, UK transported about 70 tonnes of road, whereas other 3 goods were just 40 tonnes and under. After some plunges, it finally reached a peak at almost 100 tonnes in 2002. In contrast, starting with approximately 5 tonnes, pipeline experienced a slow growth by generally 10 more tonnes during 28 years given in the graph.  
  
With regards to water and rail, the number stood at nearly 40 tonnes for both in the first and second period. From 1982, UK transported more water (increased by 20 tonnes) and less rail (decreased by 10 tonnes). Apart from a slight fall of marginally 50 tonnes in 1998, the amount of water kept up to around 65 tonnes compared with more than 40 tonnes in rail.  
  
*
Let me start by saying that all essential information in the summary overview and other parts of the data report must be made as part of the paragraph. It is never enclosed in a parenthesis because the information is required for the data presentation. Only optional information is ever placed in a parenthesis. You also failed to use the space bar to create spaces between the connected words. Please be mindful of the spacing requirements in relation to GRA rules.  
  
The presentation does not have a clear trending statement. In addition to that the following sentence lacks clarity:  
  
*Overall, road was the most popular good shipped in the UK while pipeline was the least.*  
  
Roads are not shipped. That is a physical impossibility. However, goods can be shipped by road. The proper sentence structure is:  
  
*Overall, the roads were the most popular form of goods shipment method while the UK pipeline was the least popular method of moving supplies.*  
  
Next time, try to better formulate your trending sentences. Pay more attention to the clarity of your sentences in the next practice test. Make sure that you use all of the information without presenting a parenthesis. Remember, you score better when you showcase your actual writing abilities.
## E-BOOK VS PAPER BOOK

  
  
**In recent years, more and more people are choosing to read e-books rather than paper books. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages?**  
  
People nowadays are increasingly deciding to read digital books rather than handbooks. I strongly believe that using e-books will be beneficial to the readers due to its practicality as well as the environment, although some believe it comes along with a certain health issue.  
  
The development of technology introduces a new way of presenting literature known as an electronic book, which has two main benefits. Firstly, this method provides readers a more practical way of gathering information from books, allowing them to bring their books more easily. For example, students often find it hard to bring all of the paper resources they need, which is normally large and heavy, to attend the lecture. By using e-books, however, it is possible for them to bring countless books stored in a small electronic device, such as phone. Moreover, the change from paper to digital books will obviously decrease the paper usage and thus saving natural resources and protecting the world ecosystem.  
  
On the other hand, some view that reading an electronic book causes eye problems. The reason behind this is that it has a small display screen and emits a harmful radiation to the eye. That activity is not just the one to blame though. Reading a paper book excessively in the dark, for instance, also lead to the similar problem. With regards to this, as long as the reader maintain a good reading habit, the effect can be prevented, I suppose.  
  
To sum up, digital books bring positive impacts on both people and surroundings. People today have a chance to read books effectively without wasting any paper through e-books. Unfortunately, there is a speculation that reading e-books might be harmful, but I see that its effect is minor.  
  
(WORDS : 287)
*The corrections below focus on conciseness and grammar, not the strength of the argument:*  
  
People nowadays ~~are~~ increasingly ~~deciding~~ choose to read ...  
... e-books will be more beneficial to ... practicality, as well as to the environment~~, although some ... health issue~~. However, there are indications that e-books may have negative health effects.  
  
Firstly, ~~this method~~ ("method" is not a proper description for e-books) e-books provide~~s~~ readers with a more ... books, ~~allowing them to ... easily~~ making it portable and easier to access. ... to bring all ~~of~~  the paper resources they need~~, which is ... heavy,~~ to attend ~~the~~ lectures, due to the inconvenience of physical weight or volume. ... for them to bring (carry?) countless books ..., such as a phone. ... decrease ~~the~~ paper usage ~~and~~, thus saving ...  
  
On the other hand, ~~some view~~ there are indications that reading ... ... is that e-books have ~~it has~~ ("it" here sounds like you are referring to eye problems instead of e-books) a small display screen and emit~~s~~ a ...  
  
... for instance, could also lead to a ~~the~~ similar problem. ... the negative health effect can be prevented, ~~I suppose~~. (You are presenting an argument. "I suppose" indicates lack of confidence)  
  
To sum up, digital books ~~bring~~ have strong positive ...
While your line of reasoning is correct in the essay, your response to the prompt question is improper. You see, this is a comparative analysis essay. However, the comparison comes with a specific instruction that you choose a specific side to support in the 2 body reasoning paragraphs. You were asked if you believe that the advantages of eBooks outweigh the disadvantages. So the response should have been:  
  
*Based on 2 comparative factors, I believe that the help offered by the eBooks are greater than the problems that using it poses.*  
  
What you said was: *I strongly believe that using e-books will be beneficial to the readers due to its practicality as well as the environment, although some believe it comes along with a certain health issue.*  
  
Since this is not a degree of dis/agreement essay, your response will be considered incorrect as it shows that you did not understand the correct format for the response. Points will be deducted from the TA score because of this error. Remember, in the paraphrase, your restate the prompt and answer the question. Nothing more is required from you. At that point, your English comprehension skills are being tested, so prove that you understand English instructions and that you are capable of explaining English discussion points in your own words. Your own words have to reflect the correct topic and reason for discussion elements. That is why you only have 5 sentences to use in the paragraph. The actual discussion starts after the comprehension skills test.  
  
Never use terms of uncertainty in this essay. "I suppose" indicates that you do not really believe what you are saying. It creates a tangential response which could adversely affect your TA score.
***Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold.*  
  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
In the intensely competitive business environment nowadays, advertising is such a powerful weapon enormously influencing our consumer habits. Much effective as it is, it seems one-sided without considering another important one to be the cause: our demand. Therefore, I only partly agree with the idea that advertising, instead of the society's needs, is playing the main role in deciding what we buy.  
  
Because of the rapid development of businesses and corporations, we are now overwhelmed with the diversity of different products. Therefore, advertisement is the key factor which makes a product stand out, or attract us more than others. Advertising obviously boosts the advantages of the goods and centers on our psychological aspects, with the only aim to raise its trading volume. For example, most of the time we go shopping, we tend to pick up more than expected, or buy goods that later turns out unnecessary. That is because, we are easily attracted by goods that are advertised everywhere, or by what the sellers say about their products. We also like to buy products of well-known brands more than ones with no fame, which can be stated as a clear example of the economic power of advertisement.  
  
However, a popular consumer product will not become a household name if it is not what we need. Advertisement has the power to influence what we buy, but if we use and find out it is not at all like what they say about the product, and we cannot use it, then we will not buy it again. Only products that meet our society's real needs will stay long with us and become popular. Otherwise, it will only be the trend for a short time, and then replaced by others. For example, each time a new smartphone is released and widely advertised, it is considered fashionable and modern to have one, so people follow the trend and buy it. But sooner or later, another new smartphone will steal the show, and the old one has now become out of fashion.  
  
In conclusion, it is undeniable that advertisement is extremely advantageous for companies to sell their products, but what the society truly need is also a crucial factor to take into consideration.
Take into account the 40 minute time frame to write this essay. Now, get your mobile phone and go to the clock. Find the timer icon. Set the timer for 40 minutes, Start writing the essay. The timer goes off. Time's up ! 40 minutes have gone by to fast. Check the word count, how many words did you write? Less than 369 right? Did you remember to spellcheck before the timer ended? You didn't? Oops, you have just lost valuable scoring points because you used up all your time writing and filling the page with words instead of focusing on the proper paraphrase of the discussion and a direct discussion, with appropriate topic sentences per paragraph for the essay. Use no more than 5 sentences per essay so that you will have time to self-check your essay before the time ends and you have to submit the essay already.  
  
You seem to have forgotten the general rule, that the first paragraph is always the paraphrased outline of the discussion topic and style based on the original prompt. You instead began discussing your opinion in the essay. The TA score will consider how you did not properly rephrase the prompt and deduct points for that. It will give you points for appropriately responding to the prompt question though. Just do a direct paraphrase in your next essay. Don't start the discussion there. Remember, you only have 5 sentences with which to prove to the reviewer that you understood what the topic is about and how you are supposed to discuss it. Outline the essay first. Don't discuss in the first paragraph.  
  
As far as I can tell, you have at least 3 errors in this essay based on spelling, grammar, and vocabulary. The spelling error is simple to explain. You just spelled the British English word "centre" in the American English form of "center". Familiarize yourself with the eccentricities of the British English language. They spell some words far differently from the American English users. They also have stranger reference words such as "lift" for an elevator and "loo" for the bathroom. Little differences in the language I know, but knowing these differences would help increase your LR score and impress the examiner. As for the grammar, you made just a slight error by using a comma with a conjunction. That is not done. just say it straight (out or instead of out, or). Your essay could also use more descriptive adjectives such as "a brief time" instead of "a short time". Formal sounding words score better when you are writing an academic essay such as the one in the task 2 test.
It's a great essay and you did really well. However, I want to point out some trivial mistakes.  
  
Firstly, the sentence "... important one to be the cause: our demand."  
You use "one" when you haven't mention about anything related to "our demand" before. I think "factor" is an alternative.  
  
Secondly, "the diversity of different products", "diversity" is similar to "different". Two of them appear simultaneously is abundant, this will deteriorate your score because judge will think you can not use the language well.  
  
Thirdly, "Advertising obviously boosts ... ", the word "boost" is so strained in this case when advertising can only show the advantages. I would use " Advertising obviously uncover the outstanding advantages of the goods".  
  
Moreover, "it is not at all like what ...", "not at all" is meaningless here and should only used in spoken language. "not almost like" is another choice.  
  
"it is considered fashionable ...". This is not a right phrase. The only phrase is " It is considered (that) + Clause". In this case, you should use "people" instead of "it".  
  
One important thing is you should not use idioms like " steal the show". It is informal, so it isn't worth in writing. You also have some mistake in subject verb agreement like missing "s", you should reduce the length of your essay to have time to reread and figure out these.
## The Problem With Single-Use Plastics

  
  
Today single-use products are still very common. What are the problems associated with this? What are some possible solutions?  
  
These days, it's still apparent that single-use items are popular in the global market. Using these products is most of the time costly and has negative effects on the environment due to increased waste production, however, there are things that could be done to mitigate these effects, which will be discussed further in this essay.  
  
To begin with, the consumption of one-time use products brings more costs and it has a negative effect on the environment. In other words, when someone consumes a single-use item after it served its purpose, it's no longer useful thus, it will be left as a waste product. For instance, disposable bottles containing water or other beverages, after consumption is disposed of, then left, which increases waste accumulated in the surroundings. This scenario is common in metropolitan areas because of the number of people and the popularity of drinking beverages. Most of the time, buyers are not aware that they are spending more money on these products when they could save by drinking refill in their own liquid containers.  
  
Undoubtedly, this issue regarding cost and wastage of single-use items can be solved or mitigated. First, companies, manufacturers, and the government could implement a program or laws where products could be reused or recycled. One example is when all shopping malls use eco-friendly bags instead of plastic bags. Another example is implementing laws that restaurants should not serve single-use plastic straws and cups, instead, people are encouraged to bring their own reusable straws and tumblers. Second is recycling these single-use items to another useful product. Recycling is encouraged in items such as water bottles because they could be used as plant pots and other decorative materials. Eventually, people will get used to adhering to these environmentally friendly activities with constant promotion and encouragement from authorities.  
  
All in all, it will be hard to totally eradicate the use of single-use products but there are ways to lessen its wastage and with public awareness, people will be encouraged to reuse and recycle.
Realistically, you can only write a total of 300 words for this essay. You are writing without timing yourself for this 40 minute task. You are also not allowing yourself time to review, revise, and perfect your essay within the given time frame. There is no sense in writing so many words when you do not even have time to check your work for possible mistakes.  
  
Remember, it is not about the amount of words that you write. It is the quality of the words used, sentence types that you develop, clarity of thought, and grammar rule knowledge that will count towards a strong finishing score at the end of the test. Wordy essays are usually the ones that examiners hate to read because the student takes too long to get to the point, if they eventually get to the point.  
  
There is a very important rule to follow when writing the task 2 essay: KISS it.  
  
Keep It Short Silly !  
  
The shorter but well developed the essay is, the more targeted the response, the higher the overall rubic score. This essay served only one purpose for you. You wanted to show off your knowledge of the English language. You did not care about the clarity of your sentences and paragraphs anymore. You did not even realize that this is an academic essay and yet you used conjunctions every chance you got. You know very well you will lose points for using conjunctions because it shows a lack of English grammar knowledge.  
  
You constantly used word fillers instead of topic sentences, you added information to the prompt paraphrase instead of simply outlining the conversation as required. Here is a sample of the correct paraphrase:  
  
*People continue to patronize non recyclable products. While there are several complications connected with this practice, there are a couple of ways to dissuade people from using these commodities. Through this essay, I hope to present some complications related to this situation and propose applicable fixes to the problem.*  
  
Always outline the topic, reason, and discussion format as implied in the original prompt. Do not add information such as:  
  
*Using these products is most of the time costly and has negative effects on the environment due to increased waste production,*  
  
Since you are paraphrasing the information, you have to remember, if it's not in the original prompt, it doesn't go into the paraphrase. Additionally, you never start the discussion in the paraphrase. You start that in the second paragraph.