dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Seethal, while the examiner will accept US spelling for certain words, you are still taking a British English based test. There are several spelling differences between the two languages based on vowel positioning within the word. If you can familiarize yourself with British spelled words (e.g. centre, favour, behaviour) there will be a higher chance of your getting an above average LR score.  
  
When using plural implied sentences such as "Bangkok has one of the highest traffic congestion rate in the world", rate should be written in the plural form "rates" as per subject-verb agreement rules. Avoid using contractions in academic writing settings. Always spell out the whole word as in the case of "won't". The full word "Will not" must be used.  
  
When you write your response in the prompt paraphrase, there is no need to say "in my opinion" because your response will always start with the personal pronoun "I", indicating a personal point of view.
## numerous people nowadays suffer from insomnia

  
  
**people sleep less than before in many countries. why do people sleep less? what effects does it have on individuals and society?**  
  
In many regions around the world, people have less sleeping hours than before. This trend, which is mainly because of the presence of possible distractions and noise pollution in these countries, has serious impacts on individuals and the society.  
  
There are a number of reasons why people sleep less nowadays. Firstly, owing to the great advances being made in technology, many much more interesting options than sleeping have become available for a person to spend their free time. Most people currently prefer to spend their leisure time chatting with their friends using Facebook, for example, or playing video games rather than going to sleep. Some of them may become addicted to such activities, exacerbating the condition even more, leading to further decreasing of sleeping hours. Another factor is that elevated noise levels experienced by urban dwellers inevitably cause sleep deprivation. By upsurging the rates of construction works and traffic congestion in cities, residents find getting into sleep is much more difficult than before.  
  
This problem has drastic effects on individuals and society. By having less sleeping hours, people will lose their ability to relax and energize their body and mind, leading to psychiatric issues such as anxiety and extreme stress. This, as a result, undermines the victims' ability to communicate with others, disrupting their social relationships. Furthermore, staying awake for long periods affect people's mental concentration and, therefore, hinder their productivity. When a driver, for instance, has fewer sleeping hours than their actual body needs, they start working fatigued and demotivated, by which they will be dangerous to not only themselves, but also to other members in society.  
  
In conclusion, wasting people's free time on other activities rather than sleeping, and increasing noise levels in some countries are the main factors behind having less sleeping hours nowadays than before. This results in negatively affecting individuals' psychological wellbeing as well as decreasing their concentration and output.
Osha, the essay prompt is what is known as a direct question. That means, you have to offer your response within the prompt paraphrase. Now, you were able to properly deliver the topic restatement (paraphrase), the response to the first question, but not the second question. That is what left your paragraph short of the 3 sentence paragraph requirement. You did not refer to what effects it has on individuals and society.  
  
Your reasoning paragraphs are under developed. Your second paragraph focused on a clear explanation of the activities that prevent sleeping, but did not convincingly explain how noise pollution contributes to the lack of sleep. This paragraph should have had a better explanation if you had presented it in the following format:  
  
S1 - Topic sentence  
S2 - Reasoning example  
S3 - Transition sentence to the next related topic  
S4 - Reasoning example 2  
S5 - Transition sentence to the next paragraph  
  
By doing that, you would have offered a clear supporting statement for the 2 reasons regarding sleep deprivation. Please keep in mind that the maximum sentence requirement for each paragraph is 5, not 6. You did a better presentation of facts in the 2nd reasoning paragraph.  
  
Do not use future tense presentation for present tense situations such as " people will lose their..." The damage has been done. Therefore the phrase should have been "people have lost their..." Use proper time references because that affects your sentence development and presentation in relation to GRA requirements.  
  
The concluding paragraph is alright, but could have been better. The summary conclusion needs one more sentence to complete the presentation.  
  
I noticed that you wrote 315 words, a number that will be hard to achieve during the actual test, even if you use the computer based process. Use a timer when practicing to get a better idea of how many words you can actually write before time runs out for you. Consider the editing requirement before you pass the essay for scoring during this process so you will have a baseline for your next practice essays leading into the actual test.
Thanks for your extremely valuable feedback, but I have a couple of questions if you don't mind.  
  
Regarding my second paragraph, I thought that the causative relation between sleeping difficulty and elevated levels of noise is logical and doesn't need further explanation. In your opinion, how could I have explained it more?  
  
The third paragraph was reviewing the effects on individuals and the society, so I'd like to ask what was missing here in order to completely answer the question?  
  
My last question is about the additional sentence that is needed in my conclusion, do you mean a prediction for example or a recommendation? or something else?  
  
Thanks in advance for your time and effort.
In the second paragraph, you started off with a discussion regarding how social media keeps people awake. Then, without preparing the reader, you jumped to noise pollution without trying to connect the two through a transition sentence. A sentence along the lines of "Just as the blue light emitted by gadgets contributes to the lack of sleep of people, so does the noise emitted by his surroundings." That would have created a bridge between the first discussion and the second topic. The connecting sentence is very important because it helps to add to the clarity and understanding of the paragraph content.  
  
The third paragraph needs only 2 effects for the discussion. Again, it has to be related or connected in the presentation so that each topic will always have one explanatory sentence after the topic sentence is introduced. Always aim for clarity. Don't just provide discussion topics, always explain. If you have reasons, but cannot explain the reasons then the paragraph lacks cohesiveness and coherence.  
  
The concluding summary should include:  
1. A reverse paraphrase (repeat of the topic and reasons for discussion in a single sentence)  
2. A short, compressed version of the causes  
3. A quick indication of the effects  
4. Closing sentence  
  
By doing these things, you will be able to implement the advanced writing style that the direct question with multiple discussion essay requires.
## INCREASING PETROL PRICE

  
  
I'm going to take the IELTS test 1 month later. So I hope that my essay can be corrected by you guys. Thanks for spending time on my post.  
  
**Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. Do you think this way can work? What other measures do you think might be effective?**  
  
*ANSWER*  
  
Some people believe that a rising petrol price is the best way to deal with traffic and pollution, and I totally agree with this point of view. However, I would outline several practical solutions which could be applied.  
  
The most important reason why I believe the increase of petrol price would be the best solution for traffic and pollution problems is that it decreases the demand of fuel usage. Due to petrol price increased, many people consider if they should use public transport instead of self-driving, for saving the travel cost. For instance, car owners and motorists could turn to travel by bus or car sharing service such as Uber, so fewer private vehicles would make the traffic less heavy and reduce air pollution. Besides, the manufacturing factories would spend less gasoline causing carbon dioxide emission that may contribute to air pollution. Increasing the petrol price could reduce oil consumption of those mills and may result in less polluted atmostphere.  
  
Meanwhile, some other possible solutions can address this issue. Firstly, governments should concentrate on the implication of a policy to encourage the use of alternative and renewable fuel sources such as wind, solar energy and water power. This means that petrol would be no longer used and the air pollution from this factor would be cut down. Secondly, a modern and convenient system of public transportation could appeal to the majority of people to commute instead of using their own vehicles. Last but not least, authorities are making efforts to build car-free cities shown good results in coping with mounting matters of traffic and pollution.  
  
In conclusion, a broad spectrum of solutions is accessible to tackle escalating traffic and environmental pollution problems, also proposing a more expensive price of petrol can be a contributing factors to support.  
  
(Total: 270 words)
Please try to write a minimum of three sentences for your opening paraphrase and summary conclusion paragraphs. The 3 sentence ruling is used because a complete paragraph, as per IELTS instructions, must be composed of at least 3 sentences before it can appear to meet the C&C standards of the test. While your discussion paragraphs are within the maximum 5 sentence requirement, you do not really fully develop the discussion ideas and instead, only offer a listing of possible solutions and reasons why alternative solutions might work. To get a better C&C score, which leads to a better LR and GRA score, you need to fully develop the discussion by offering explanations and examples.  
  
That is why it would be best for you to discuss no more than 2 related topics per paragraph so you can use a transition sentence mid-paragraph which would help to increase the clarity and strength of your explanations. By the way, the essay is written in real time, that means the timeline is in the present, not in the past. Yet there were sections where you used past tense in the essay. Be conscious of the time frame you are writing about, it could affect your GRA scores.  
  
This is not a bad attempt at Task 2 writing. However, the problems with your presentation style are very obvious. Hopefully we can help you address those issues and polish your writing style to help you pass the test.
*I'm going to take the IELTS exam next month and I really appreciate if you guys can spend your time helping me with my writing task 2. Thank you so much for all your help.*  
  
***Advertisements are becoming more and more common in everyday life.  
## Is it a positive or negative development?***  
  
Advertising is becoming ubiquitous these days due to the rapid development of the economy and an increasing number of new business. From my perspective, such a development, although detrimental at some points, could be seen as an essential step forward.  
  
On the one hand, advertisements bring several benefits to both customers and companies. Advertising informs people about the existence of a variety of products in the market before making a purchase. For instance, if someone wants to buy a watch, they can check out numerous advertisements, including both online and offline ads, to decide which one is the most appropriate product. Moreover, this marketing strategy also helps the companies build customer's loyalty and contributes to its reputation. It is clear that the popularity of advertising has paved the way for an incredible speed of economic growth.  
  
On the other hand, promoting advertising widespread is disadvantageous in some certain aspects. Firstly, customers can be misled and manipulated by the firms. In other words, different appealing advertisements in the supermarkets could affect buyers to make impulsive purchasers for unnecessary products. Furthermore, some companies make false claims to the customers by exaggerating the real quality of the products. As a result, people buy unqualified products have to bear all the costs such as money, time or even their health. Needless to say, advertising still obtains its own adverse ramifications, which people need to avoid.  
  
In conclusion, although there are some drawbacks of daily advertising, I believe this new term of marketing will revolutionary develop to the prosperity of the economy as well as people standard life.
Truc, this is not a comparison essay. This is a single opinion essay whose response is based upon one of the two choices provided to you in the original discussion prompt. Your approach to the essay used the comparison discussion approach instead which, although acceptable to a certain extent, will limit the actual high score your essay can achieve through a proper task response. Had you chosen to address the essay from one supporting angle, you would have scored better with this essay as it would have shown your ability to understand the given instructions and discuss it accordingly. Due to the comparison discussion that you used, the essay failed to totally and accurately respond to the prompt requirements. So I do not believe that this is an essay that can receive a passing score.
## traffic jam, air pollution, expenses

  
  
These days many people are becoming wealthier that's the reason why they can easily afford a car or even more than one, as a results it brings about many problems. Firstly, traffic jam may be the most headache problems with city planner, government and citizens who have do deal with it everyday, especially in the big cities. Take myself as an example, my home to school is only 4 km but i takes me 30 minutes to be present at school due to traffic jam. Secondly, air pollution is also problems causing by increasing the usage of care, everyday these cars emit a great amount of carbohydrate which devastates environment and harms to human's health. Moreover car also increases rate of road serious accident, because car's accidence causing more damage than other vehicles do. Finally a car also costs a lot of money for fixing and cooperating, car's owner also have to spend a lot of expenses like road taxes, insurance and many other spending. To sum up, car may be useful in some ways but we should use it in appropriate ways to reduce problems causing by car.  
  
Thanks so much for your checking !
Hi Quang. Since you did not specify whether this paragraph should be written UK or US English, I decided to go with the UK version since you are from Vietnam and will most likely by preparing for the IELTS test. Here is my review of your work.  
  
With regards to your sentence structure, you said the following:  
  
*...only 4 km but i takes me 30 minutes...*  
The correct word is "it" not "I". I is a first person pronoun that is used to refer to oneself in a discussion, it does not act as a reference to a procedure as you wrote in this sentence.  
  
Brush up on your comma usage. That is always used after an introductory element and a conjunction. You did not use the comma at all in those presentation points in this paragraph.  
  
Noun phrase rules are clear, "a" precedes a singular form of a word. So it is incorrect to say "as a results". Instead say "as a result".  
  
Word choice errors abound in this essay:  
  
... have do deal = ... have TO deal  
  
... deal with it everyday = ... it EVERY DAY  
  
Avoid using contractions such as "that's" when writing academic papers. Spell out the word as "That is".
## household savings as the percentage of income

  
  
Hi guys, could you guys please give me the feedback about this essay? I'm studying Ielts now and I need you guys to help me with the essay because I'm not sure it'd be okay or not. Thank you guys a lot!  
  
The question is reporting the main features of the graph.  
The graph shows household savings as the percentage of income for people living in Hong Kong.  
  
The given graph illustrates the information about how many percent of salary of residents living in Hong Kong was used as the money mostly saved in the banks from 1980 to 2002.  
  
It is overall that the decrease in percentage was the trend of the graph. In 1980, the first year reported, saving money's percentage was beginning at over 15 percent. However, in 2002, the last year reported, it took up around 7 percent.  
  
Although the trend of the percentage was the decrease from 1980 to 2002, the percentage still grew up to around 17 percent before dipping to about 12 percent in 1986. During a period of 10 years between 1986 and 1996, the percentage was gradually decreased, but it dramatically increased to exactly 10 percent in 1998 and went on decreasing to nearly 5 percent in 2001. In the last year, it unexpectedly grew up to around 7 percent.  
  
This is the image: drive.google.com/file/d/13G\_VoVZLmF7NKVzn\_j7\_3tW2AySmSu1d/view?usp=sharing  
  
Thank you very much!
## Training for work is far more important than providing a broad-based education.

  
***to what extent do you agree or disagree?***  
  
Nowadays, people believe that training for future employment is of greater significance than the provision of broad-based education. I firmly disagree to this notion, and believe that having a broad-based education is of equal importance.  
  
People who believe that a wider educational content has similar significance with employment training claim that an individual's life has a lot of aspects and does not only evolve around work. People need to have practical skills and knowledge that they can use in their everyday lives like cooking, baking, physical education, and sanitation. Although these skills, in a lot of professions, are not used in their line of work, they are utilized everyday and are essential to sustain a safe and healthy life.  
  
In addition, having a broader body of knowledge not only focused to an aspired future job enables an individual to have more options for employment. This is especially true to individuals who decide to shift courses or career. They will not have to start from scratch since most likely they already have a background knowledge and adequate skills for the career they will be shifting to; albeit, not proficiently as those who had an in-depth training for the job.  
  
In conclusion, I strongly disagree that training for future employment is more important than a broad based education since life is not just about a person's career, and a wider body of knowledge is always an advantage for anyone.
**IELTS TASK 2: COins and paper money will soon be replaced by credit and back cards. DO you agree or disagree that eventually we will have a cashless society which will be safer and more convenient for everyone?** Please proofread my essay  
  
## credit/debit cards instead of coins and bills?

  
  
The issue of having a cashless society wherein coins and bills are replaced by the use of credit cards and debit cards continues to be a controversial topic nowadays. I disagree to the notion that using credit cards and debit cards is safer for all people.  
  
The existence of thieves and hackers all over the globe makes it risky to just rely on the use of these credit and debit cards. It would be a much easier job for thieves since they will only need to get a single card in order to access all of the person's money. In addition, these criminals could do all the stealing in the comforts of their homes, which will make it a lot more difficult for policemen to mitigate and detect.  
  
Furthermore, the use of credit and debit cards entail the use of mobile apps for online banking and monitoring. However, there are still a lot of people who are not computer literate and are not knowledgeable of recent technologies. In effect, this will make it inconvenient for these people since they will have to learn to operate these apps in order to monitor their money and bank transactions. This is especially true in a lot of developing countries like the Philippines.  
  
In conclusion, I disagree that the use of credit and debit cards will be safer and convenient for everyone since not all people in the world are technologically updated and literate thereby making it hard for them to secure and monitor their finances.
## number of students per class - COMPARISON

  
  
The bar chart illustrates the comparison between the average number of students per class in six countries and in over the world. Overall, South Korea had a majority of class size, whereas, the proportion of students in Iceland is the lowest in six countries.  
  
Looking at the details, South Korea had the highest percentage of pupils, around 35% is the percentage of 5- to 12-year-old students studying in primary school. This figure was slightly higher than the global average primary's children. It is followed by Japan and Mexico, pupils went to primary school at about 27% and 20% respectively. In the UK and Denmark show similar patterns of use. In both countries, around 21% to 23% of children went to primary school, whereas, Iceland had the least percentage of students, precisely 15%.  
  
On the other hand, South Korea accounted for the highest lower secondary's student in 6 countries and the world, at over 35%. It is followed by Mexico, 33% of 13-to 16-year-old students in lower secondary school. This duration in Japan was a rough increase ( 32%) in the number of students.In UK and Denmark, students went to lower secondary school, at about 22% and 19%, respectively which was lower than the global average. Iceland continues remained the lowest percentage of students in lower secondary school ( approximately 17%).  
  
*
Hello!  
I like the fact that you have an introduction paragraph before you jump into the bar graph details, but as said in the above comment you have repeated the data in rough figures only but have failed to compare and contrast the same.  
  
I also feel like some word structures, grammar and tense usage is incorrect and would ask you to focus more in these areas as well.  
  
I've done a quick review and will show you some errors that I have noted.  
  
... and ~~in over~~~~in over~~ the world averag. Overall, South Korea ~~had~~ holds a majority ~~of~~  inclass size, ... the lowest ~~in~~ among the six countries.  
  
... the global average ~~primary's children~~ of children in primary school.  
.., pupils ~~went to~~ attended primary school ...  
... show similar patterns ~~of use~~ .  
  
This ~~duration~~ (incorrect word usage - "duration" is not apt) in Japan was ...  
  
You have done a decent job in putting forth this essay. There is much room for improvement though.  
Good Luck! :)