dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Some people say that the clothes people wear are the most important indication of what they are like. Others, however, say that people should not be judged by the clothes they wear. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.**  
  
Some people said that the fabrics people wear are not always the matters to interpret what they are like. In contrary, others argue that someone can be easily evaluated from their appearance. Personally, I think people's clothes can be a method to judge their common character through it is not the only way. The most important thing can be used to assess people is from their behavior.  
  
First of all, people who work in the formal or service institution will always keep their looks in order to give others positive impression while their appropriate clothes can symbolize their good attitude, work ethic, and discipline in regard to the institution they work in. For the example, the teacher wears the formal uniform because it shows the identity of place where they work. Besides, common society can value that the teacher is good worker, discipline and bookish person.  
  
However, apart of people cover, there is another measurement of their personality which is their behavior, such as the communicate and management skill in their job. I will give simple example to illustrate this case, like the capability of someone which can finish the all of work is the most important things in the work field of only the fabric they wear. Another example, someone who wear casual clothes, such musician, is not always person who has not the best experiences in their work, but this performance has the main purpose to express their value. Finally, the really accurate things to judge someone is come from their behavior not from their clothes.  
  
All in all, the clothes which someone wears are easily indicator to interpret someone's personality, but the accurate way to assess it by their behavior.
The most important thing is it can be used to assess people is from their behavior...  
Whereas, common society can value the teacher as a good worker and also disciplined  
~~communicate~~ ...communication skills  
Another example, someone who wears casual clothes, such as muscians, cannot be judged as best experienced in their work by clothes, but their performance is the best way they can express their value. Finally, the really accurate things to judge someone is come from their behavior not from their clothes.
Do not create a 'hung' introduction paragraph if you want to reach band 6 or above. It should be clear from the very beginning that the first sentence of the introductory paragraph should be the paraphrase of the question. The second sentence should be your thesis statement. Then, the third sentence should be the OUTLINE of your thesis statement. This will indicate that you have written a clear overall progression within your essay and it is more likely that you will get more than 6 in terms of Task Response. Let me help you by rephrasing your introduction paragraph:  
  
~~Some people said that the fabrics people [...] important thing can be used to assess people is from their behavior.~~  
  
*It is believed that indicating people's personality can be taken from the clothes that they wear, but other people argue that judging the clothes that people wear is not appropriate. From my point of view, I think that assessing people's character is not only from their appearance, but their behaviour can also be taken into account. Thus, this essay will discuss, first, how formal jobs consider appearance the most and second, how behaviour can be used as a measurement.*
**TOPIC: Everyone should have a right to university education, so the government should make it free no matter what their financial background. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Nowadays, having a decent education for young people has attracted a lot of concern from government. Everyone expect to receive the best education however they do not afford to make a payment. It is said that education fee should not be charged for every student with different household budget. I partly agree with this opinion.  
  
This actions may give student opportunity to study well without worrying about finance available. For example, children in low-income families can have an opportunity to receive a decent. In addition, school fee put heavy toll on student lacking money, so If they do not have to pay all the cost of university, they do not need to have part-time job. Then they have more time to focus on their learning. By doing this, we can get more excellent undergraduate for a succeeding generation.  
  
However, this belief will bring about negative consequence. Firstly, if government divert all the budget to education, other sectors may be suffered such as health care, military. One example is in India, there are an acute shortage of medical staffs, thus this will be difficult for low-income household to manage. Secondly, making school fee unpaid may lead to waste of resources. The reason is that children have tendency to carry the burden of their money their parents earn to pay for their schooling. With no finance motivation, some students may not take all their efforts. Some may graduate with low academic results, then this hinders their employability. Therefore, government will lose a vast amount of money due to uncertainty in this type of investment.  
  
In conclusion, having considered both side of argument, I believe that government should not grant all cost of university education. I hope government can defer these costs or decrease them for student with special circumstance such as disability and poor ones in order to assist them overcome difficulties.  
  
PLEASE HELP ME TO FIX THIS ESSAY, THANK YOU!
There are many IELTS candidates that have the same mistake in deciding their position towards the essay. I believe that you are one of them. I would advice you to NOT partly agree with the prompt given. Partial agreement might only lead to a confusing and complicated essay structure. Therefore, you are not going to achieve more than 5 in terms of Task Response. If you want to achieve band 6 or above, you are suggested to write a Relevant position (band 6) or CLEAR position (band 7) towards the given task. To write either a relevant or clear position, you need to fully agree / disagree with the prompt. For instance, by disagreeing, your position would be clear that you reject the idea of free university education for all people because it is more likely to burden the budget of the country. Therefore, you can propose a solution from your disagreement by saying that it can be free for particular group of people as you mentioned above. As a result, your position towards the prompt can be considered as relevant or even clear.
Rahul, why is this essay getting longer and longer? It is not making sense anymore. I think that you have shown more than enough examples of how your silence has become a negative aspect of your life. Are you writing this for a college application or an English writing class? I would like to know exactly what you are supposed to write and please, provide the instructions, the original instructions for the development of this paper from your teacher because I want to make sure that the essay follows the direction and objectives that you were given. At this point, your essay is already going around in circles. It is becoming boring and uninteresting because you are just showing various ways of how your silence affected you negatively. At a certain point in this essay, your lessons learned should become evident, a change in your personality should occur, and a conclusion must be presented. At this rate, those depictions should have presented at least 2 paragraphs ago. The essay is too long already and doesn't make sense anymore.
Is Aaron still your best friend at this point? After this falling out, did the two of you become friends again? The reason is ask is because of the timeline continuity and tense usage in your essay. You are going from present to past tense in a matter of 3 sentences. Make sure that you use the correct time reference (past, present, future) in all your sentences referring to your relationship with Aaron.  
  
It seems to me that you have already effectively presented the required 3 scenarios pertaining to the effect of silence on your life. So if you have the space to do so, you should already look into wrapping up the essay with a concluding paragraph that tells the reader what lessons you have learned regarding the effect of silence in your life and if you are already making changes in yourself to help you let your voice be heard in instances when it is important that you do so. I assume that your teacher will expect you to close the essay on a "moral lesson" type of note so it is best that you start developing your closing statement at this point. All of the stories are already good enough to represent your situation at this point. There should be nothing more to add to it.
The pie charts reveal about the outcome of study which is conducted in 2005 and 2009 by interviewing the employees about their relationship with supervisor and partner job and it is measured by percentage. Overall, it can be seen that the pattern of both data were upward trend. In other word, the highest portion was relation with co-workers in 2009 and the lowest was relationship with supervisor in 2005, at very good category.  
  
According to the data, in 2005, workers response of relation with supervisor in very good aspect was slight over half at 61 percent and in the next year this aspect hit point at 65 % in 2009. Interestingly, in 2005 workers who have supervisor only 1 percent however in 2009 it was slight increased by 4 % from 1 percent.  
  
On the other hand, in the relationship with co-workers the majority sample said very good dominate at 63 percent and this aspect increased slightly at 70 % in 2009. In addition, in don't have co-workers and poor items had similar portion at 1 percent in 2005, but in the next period they vanish from list.  
  
*
Apart from grammatical errors in the first paragraph, I can see you misinterpreted the word "pattern" and "trend". These two words are essentially the same. When you mention an upward pattern, it also means an upward trend. It somehow conveys the similar meaning and therefore, mentioning both of them in a single sentence is not acceptable or redundant. Thus, I suggest you to choose one of them.  
  
Inaccurate cohesive device such as "however" that appears in the middle of the sentence would also bring detrimental effect towards your band score in terms of Coherence Cohesion. Also, it is obvious that you over-use them. If you take a closer look on your body 1 and body 2, you will see that each sentence has its own cohesive devices and this can be considered as over-use. Thus, you can only get 5 in the actual test.  
  
Additionally, overview is supposed to be the general aspects of the chart given. It is not just simply mentioning the highest and the lowest data. This can be considered as "no clear overview" and therefore, 5 is the maximum possible score for this type of essay. You can just write like this: *"the data indicated a very good relationship among workers either supervisor or co-workers, and even it increased significantly until the end of the period."* to create a clear overview of the chart given and possibly gain 6 or above in terms of Task Achievement.
The graph show about result of survey to employees regarding their activity involves with their supervisor and co-employees in 2005 and 2009. The most significant facts to emerge from the pie graph are that employees who answer very good become the biggest result according that survey, and there was a slight increase in 2005 and 2009.  
  
As can be clearly seen, that in 2005 employees who do not have a supervisor and also co-employees are equal only 1 percent. In addition, who answer fair has a few different. Moreover, in 2009 who answer do not have supervisor and co-employees increased slightly, otherwise who answer fair was dramatic fell.  
  
From the graph, as we know most of employees has tend to has good relationship with co-employees than supervisor, it was showed from answer which were resulted very good and good where co-employees was higher than supervisor in 2005 and 2009.
Hello Alfin, this is my correction for you  
  
The graph ~~show~~shows about the result  
  
result according to(remember, you miss the prepositionafter "according")  
  
otherwise who answer fair was dramatic ~~fell.~~fallor you can write fall dramatically  
  
... most of employees has ~~tend~~tended to (remember the past participle)  
  
answer which ~~were~~was resulted (the subject "answer" is singular noun)  
  
thank you
The missing picture of the task given would not help us in reading and checking the content of your report summary of IELTS task 1. I would suggest you to upload it next time or you might get suspended if you keep making the same mistake.  
  
However, with regards to your essay, I might say that it can only reach overall 4 or even worse in the actual test. First, it didn't answer the task properly. The task clearly tells you that you need to write at least 150 words but you wrote only 149 words. Thus, in terms of Task Response, you can just get 4. Second, only some of your sentences are accurate but errors are predominate. This is why you cannot go more than 4. For the other two criteria (Coherence and Cohesion, and Lexical Resource), you are also more likely to get only 4 due to repetitiveness are predominant and your word formations seem improperly placed.  
  
My suggestion is that you need to try to learn step by step. You can try to write an introduction paragraph first. After you master it, you can just move to the second paragraph and third paragraph. It is suggested for you to try to learn more on how to create accurate complex sentences. Most of them are still inaccurate.  
  
(@ika cahyo: be careful of making a "poor" post. Your account is going to be suspended if you only focus on grammatical errors)
DEAR ALFIN THESE ARE MY CORRECTION FOR HELP YOUR WRITING TASK ONE  
  
First, you should concern to your task question including all features such time signal, details data etc. It is essential because I saw that your answer and your task inappropriate in particular using of tenses. I saw the task shows past but you several answers with present tense. I regard that that is simple but fatal error.  
  
comments  
1.The graph show ... >>> the line charts reveal information about.....  
2. employees regarding their activities involves with their..  
3. employees who did not had a supervisor...  
4. also co-employees were equal only 1 percent....  
5. otherwise who answered fair ~~was~~ dramatic fell....
There are several mistakes in your summary.  
1.~~The graph~~**( it only singular, but i get the picture from other summaries that more than 3 pie charts)** show about ~~result of survey~~( too similar with the question)**( change with the outcome of examination of people opinions)**to employees regarding their activity...  
  
2. In Writing task I, you **SHOULD BE** write **AT LEAST 150 words**, your summary only 149 words.  
3.and there was a slight increase in 2005 and 2009. --> **all of aspects was increase?**. i think you give wrong information.  
4. Remember, you should use **PAST TENSE** in your summary,EXCEPTION the introduction sentence.  
2005 employees who ~~do~~ did not ~~have~~ had a supervisor  
~~are~~ were equal only 1 percent.  
who answer fair ~~has~~ had a few different.  
who answer ~~do not have~~ did not had  
5. In addition, who answer fair has a few different. Moreover, in 2009 ...  
  
From the graph, as we know most of employees has tend to has good relationship ... ---> **it looks like overview sentence as you are not give the percentage each parts and only give general statement without the number from the data.**  
  
*
**Modern forms of communication such as email and messaging have reduced amount of time people send...**  
  
In recent years, an appearance of the Internet has made significant changes in the way people's lives. I agree that this trend reduces a large amount of time that those spend with their friends. While I would believe that other factors, including email and messaging, should we blamed for adversely influencing people's lives. I partly agree with the given idea and believed that some other factors also impact life too.  
  
On the one hand, depending use of the Internet devices has made people more passive and lazier. In the past, to communicate with friends, people usually got together, which took a lot of time, though, helps to keep relations. Nowadays, with the tools such as email and SMS, people don't need to go out to meet each other. They just sit at home is being able to chat with friends. It is undeniable that the distance between people more and more distant.  
  
On the other hand, apart from the effects of the Internet which could not deny that it also brings many benefits to human life. It's been proven by experts, life is too busy if no email, Facebook that the people in the community more and farther. For example, if you are living in America where your family lives in Vietnam. While you like to meet to talk to his parents, the fastest way is through email and messaging, so email is the fastest way to get in touch with those at a distance.  
  
All things considered, I am of my belief that there are several causes affecting the people's life. As a result, people should much spend time with their friends, then use email and SMS.
Please give a clear title concerning on what kind of essay that you post in this thread. If this is an IELTS writing task 2 essay, it is not suggested to partially agree with the given task/prompt. Most of 'partial agree' essays lead to a confusing structure and idea development. Also, you need to consider IELTS band descriptors of task 2 as your guidance (if this is an IELTS essay). According to IELTS band descriptor, this essay would only worth 5.0 in terms of Task Response due to 'partially addressed the task'.  
  
In addition, your grammar also becomes a problem. You have major errors when composing complex sentences. This can also make your band score become 5 in terms of grammatical range and accuracy. My suggestion is that you need to learn more about how complex structures can be made. Let me show you one of your mistakes:  
  
~~They just sit at home is being able to chat with friends~~ .  
  
They just sit at home and chat with their friends .  
or  
They just sit at home and they can chat with their friends .  
  
Both options are acceptable.
The relationship between the supervisors and the co-employs in someone's working live is illustrated in two pie charts which are resulted on the survey in 2005 and 2009. Overall, these charts have the same pattern in the each of factors which be surveyed in 2005 and 2009 between these relationships.  
  
Firstly, the highest percentage in the relationship with supervisor survey at 61 percent in 2005 which it is indicate a very good. In the opposite, the poor relationship shows the percentage by 59 percent in the same year. In the four years later, the very good relationship with supervisor slightly increase by 4 percent, but the poor relationship has some value at 2 percent in 2009 as much as in 2005.  
  
Secondly, the relationship with co-workers in the survey in 2005 has the highest percentage at 63 percent as nine more as the fair relationship with co-employs. The lowest percentage is showed in the poor co-workers relationship and them who do not have co-workers in each at 1 percent. The percentage in 2009 almost increase in each factor, unless in the good relationship with co-employs at 25 percent which decreases than 4 years before. However, the highest percentage in very good co-workers relationship at 70 percent which it increased by 7 percent than in 2005.
Dear yuri  
these are my corrections  
  
firstly, you should attach the graph picture although it is simple thing but I regard that it is critical to assess your writing. Then, before you do the task you should notice the task question including details features. Make sure that task need is answered in your writing which is covered all aspects. In this case i saw that you do not considering about time signal therefore your writing is wrong tenses. Secondly is focus on meaning sentence and word formation because I read that your writing contains few mistakes related to the word formation or meaning sentence.  
  
1. The relationship between (...) in two pie charts which are conducted on the survey ...  
  
2. percent in 2005 which was indicate a very good  
  
3. the poor relationship shows in the percentage by 59 percent in one year.  
  
4. ... In the four years later, ~~the~~ very good relationship with supervisor WAS slightly increased by 4 percent, but the poor relationship has same value at 2 percent ...  
  
5. changes all your sentence with appropriate tenses (PAST TENSES)
**Being able to speak a foreign language is an advantage these days.  
Some people think that children should start learning a foreigner language at primary school, while others think children in the secondary school.  
Discuss both sides and give your opinion.**  
  
Nowadays, The ability to speak two or three languages is always a plus, and the fact that you will learn it at your childhood is perfect, and it will maximize your language skills in the future, so, many people argue about the perfect time that children have to start taking second language courses, some believes that it should be at the primary school while others think that secondary school is the best period to start. Personally, I reckon that modern languages should be taught at the secondary school and any earlier time will have adverse ramifications on children . This essay will discuss both views.  
  
Some parents believes the earlier we will teach our children a new language, the earlier they will learn it, and perhaps learn other languages after that. The reason behind that is some studies showed that a kid has a phenomenal memoir abilities, and they can learn quickly compared to an adult. For example adults can still remember the story that it has been telling them at their childhood and they can even still tell those stories to their kids too. So learning a modern language at primary school is mandatory.  
  
On the other hand, other people think that at primary school, kids start to discover what is education, how to write, read and manipulate numbers, children have to learn those basic things in their mother tongue language, start learning a new language is very unnecessary at this period, it will has just a negative consequences for the children's education future by disturbing them on focusing  
  
On basic mathematic or physic rules. Modern language is definitely a plus for kids but secondary school is the best time to learn it. I agree.  
  
To conclude, I believe that modern languages are very important to be taught the secondary school, at this period students just start to release what is important for them and what is not. The time period of giving courses to our children is crucial, we have to be careful with it.