dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
TOPIC: **Private citizens, business and government play equally role in protecting environment**  
  
## preserving nature is everyone's duty

  
  
Answer:  
  
Environment plays such an important roe in human's life that no one can deny. However, according to anual environmental reports and through communications, there is the fact that environment has been seriously destroyed nowadays that one of the reasons causes this problem is human. Therefore, both citizens, business as well as government are major responsible for environmental improvement.  
  
It is true to say that government take a vital part in protecting environment. To be more specific, this is the one who is capable of controling and influencing the actions of citizen and other organizations in country. Thus, in order to do well-conserved our environment, authority need to raise people's awareness by popularizing the benefits of preserving nature as well as the consequences if the environment is devastated. Furthermore, it is essential to promulgate an environmental legislation which is applied for the general public and business as well so that government can exam and penalize those who have environmentally destructive behavior.  
  
Not only the government but also business and citizens take responsibility in environmental protection. There are many different ways to save out nature and each individual has its own task. Particularly, it is appreciated that companies correctly follw the rules issued by government. For instance, water resouces is seriously damaged due to the incorrectly solving waste water from factories which might lead to several bad effects on human's health. Therfore, if factories apply carefully a process of solving watse water, it might conduce to a better results to environment. In addition, citizen can take part in protecting environment from daily tiny activities such as waste classification, using recycle materials and saving natural resouces as much as possible.  
  
In conclusion, preserving nature is everyone's duty. It also means that we are saving our life because environment is home not only for every species in wildlife but also for human.
Thanh, what is the complete prompt requirement for this essay? You provided us with only a partial prompt that covers the topic for the discussion but not the discussion method. I can't really say if you did an appropriate job on this essay without the complete prompt. Your opening statement does not seem to follow the correct prompt topic that was given to you and the discussion method you are using does not seem appropriate for the topic presented. Normally, essays based on this topic only focus on the government responsibility and not the human responsibility. You need to double check your prompt and make sure that you did not change the prompt accidentally and in the process, changed the discussion format as well. If you did accidentally do that, then this essay automatically fails in terms of TA considerations.  
  
You did not bother to double check your grammar usage. There are misused terms in the essay that will lower your GRA score. Some of these mistakes are "save out nature", which should have been "save our natural..." Spelling errors also abound such as :  
  
anual - annual  
controling - controlling  
  
You need to learn to proof read your essay before submission. Pay particular attention to your spelling concerns because the misspelled words will force a lower LR score for your work. When all of your errors are combined, these can result in your essay getting a failing score when the overall scoring is considered.
## the town center will witness a few more improvements

  
  
**Question:** The maps below shows the center of a small town called Islip as it is now, and plans for its developments  
  
**Answer:**  
  
The diagrams illustrates some changes planned for the center of a place named Islip.  
  
It is clear that the town center will undergo significant renovations and five new features can be seen in the second diagram. The main developments are that people living in Islip's town center will benefit from more infrastructure and the transport will be more convenient.  
  
Looking at the maps in more detail, we can see that the shops in the north of the area are expected to be knocked down to make room for several new buildings including a bus station, a shopping center and a car park. Other physical features that will be added to the place are two housing complexes. One is anticipated to be built near the car park in the north-eastern area. The other will be constructed near the park which will be considerably narrowed.  
  
As well as the new developments mentioned above, the town center will witness a few more improvements. Specifically, the main road will serve pedestrians only. Besides, the residential area in the middle of Islip will be relocated to the south-west. Finally, the countryside will be erased to make way for a dual carriageway which will separate the area from the school and the accommodation infrastructure near it.  
  
------------------  
Please give comments based on 4 marking criteria. Thanks!  
  
*
Phuong, this is a compare and contrast reporting essay. Therefore, the essay should have come in with 4 paragraphs at the most using the following outline:  
  
1. Outline summary that includes the instructions for the discussion based upon the provided image and the trend that exists within the two diagrams.  
2. Description of image 1  
3. Description of image 2  
4. Comparison analysis  
  
When you are dealing with 2 images, always make sure to indicate which image you are referring to in the paragraph. You can say something as simple as "In the first image..." or "The top image..." to indicate the position of the image that you are writing about. This will also help the reader to keep track of the discussion you are presenting. If there are similar points to be found in the image, save that for the last part of the discussion so that you can create a more interesting and informative presentation for the reader.  
  
In general, the score for this essay will be 4, regardless of the criteria. That is because you did not accurately summarize the report, there are inconsistencies in your reporting as you do not identify the illustrations you are discussing, and your sentences are simple enough to be understood, but not really complex enough to show off an advanced English writing skill.
**Question: When International media (including movies, fashion shows, advertisement and other TV programs) convey the sane messages to the global audience, people argue that the expansion of International media has negative impacts on cultural diversity. What is your opinion?  
  
## negative impact of international media

  
  
Answer:**  
  
Whether international media is an issue open to debate. A majority of people take the view that international media is a marvelous way to impact useful information to around the world; on the other hand, a sizeable percentage of people who strongly advocate that faster and faster enlargement of media results to many pessimistic consequences. From my personal viewpoint, international media plays an important part in globalization and culture homogeneity.  
  
There are many benefits from dominance of international media. First and foremost, nowadays, people on over the world have ability to update news and information day by day. In fact, a citizen in Viet Nam could know the latest news in any fields in any foreign countries on the world; the news that two popular singers get marriage in Korea has been announced in Korea, and as soon as shared to around the world through social network such as Facebook and online newspapers. Furthermore, apart from this point above, one further justification that should not be ignored here is that human could expand their knowledge in aspects they are interested in and what they have never heard before. For example, Thailand people use international media as a great method to advertise their food diversity as well as the culture of this nation. At a result, more and more people on around the world were impressed and come to Thailand to enjoy a lot of exciting things and foreigners experience what they have never done previously.  
  
On the contrary, international media has been asked to take responsibility for people's narrow sense ways of life. Indeed, most of people in many countries speaks English, wears Western-style jackets and is crazy about Western food such as fast food. Children are passionate about cartoons showed on Disney channel, the youth are captivated by Hollywood, fashion shows; to name a few, blockbuster movies, horror films, Victoria Secret fashion shows. The loss of media diversity lead to the contraction of culture diversity, in other words, each country loses the traditional values making them be unique, and in future, we could catch the same things though we move to a variety of nations on the world.  
  
As shown above, international media has some drawbacks; however, it makes an enormous contribution to progress of globalization and international integration. We cannot deny the important role of international media.
Pham, did you mean to say "same" not "sane"? "Same" means similar or no difference. "Sane" means not mentally ill. Always double check your original prompt postings to make sure that you did not misspell a word. Once you make a mistake in the original prompt, it will become difficult for me to review your essay for content and prompt responsiveness. I will assume, in this instance that you mean "same" and not "sane". The essay that you wrote doesn't really align itself with a cultural diversity discussion. You were more focused on a discussion of how international media now shares information quickly among various settings. Therefore, the essay doesn't really respond to the prompt in the proper manner. It appears that your discussion is totally different from the original prompt. In fact, I could not find a single reference to the original prompt in any of your paragraphs which, seem to be discussing its own prompt instead. I strongly believe that you misunderstood the prompt requirements and as such, could not accurately discuss the essay requirements. Therefore, this essay will get a failing score in the actual test.
Hallo, I wold like to shere my practice of writing essay to you, i hope you guys can help me to corect my mistake in comment section down bellow.  
  
## The benefit of internet

  
Internet was the example of the modern texnology taht maded by human. Internet was very helpfull for every sector in the world. In this era, Internet become a vital accomodation to everyone because almost every single work and actifities that we made need internet. Therefore, let's take a a look of the adventiges of the internet.  
  
Firsly, internet can help us to communicate to each other no matter wherever you are or whenevr you are, you always can conunicate to your family or friends every singgle time. Moreover, we can easily to interaction with our family just by sending massage or by email to shering our experience and telling about our condition or etc.  
  
Second, internet giving accommodation to increase and expand our knowledges to help us in social life. Information was provided on internet everyday so very easy to having a new information or news that happening not only in our country but olso in another country.  
  
Thridly, in modern era, everything is possible to do such marketing and treading. In the past, we need to come to the traditional market to sell our product or beverage, but in modern era such now, we could selling product at home without going to anywhere. You need just post you product into internet service like instagram or tweeter or maybe aplocation such buybuyonline or anything that internet vasilitated to you.  
  
In comclution, every singgle action that we made probably can not be detached from internet because internet helping in every sector in our life. Anyway, we have to thankfull everyone that finding internet.
... ~~texnology taht maded~~ technology that made  
...helpful ~~for~~ in every sector ...  
... an ~~vital accomodation~~ essential tool to everyone because ~~almost every single work~~ most of jobs and ~~actifities~~ activities ~~that we made need~~  involve in ...  
  
...~~adventiges~~ advantages ...  
  
~~Firsly~~Firstly,  
... ~~wherever you are or whenevr~~ where or when you are, you ~~always~~ can always ~~conunicate to~~keep in touch with your family or friends ~~every singgle~~at any time. ~~Moreover~~for example, we can easily ~~to interaction~~ talk with ...  
  
... sending ~~massage~~message or ~~by~~ email to ~~shering~~share our experience and ~~telling about~~ our conditions, ~~or~~ etc.  
  
Second, BY using the Internet, we could ~~Internet giving accommodation to~~ increase and expand our knowledges ~~to help us in social life~~.  
~~Information was provided on internet ...~~ Information is constantly updated on the Internet, therefore, we can get the latest news about what is happening in not only our country but also around the world   
  
Thirdly Finally, in modern ~~era~~world, ~~everything is possible to do such marketing and treading~~????.  
... sell our product ~~or beverage~~ but ~~in modern era such now~~nowadays, we could ~~selling~~sell our product ...  
... Internet ~~service~~ by using social networklike instagram or ~~tweeter~~ or ~~maybe aplocation~~apps such as buybuyonline or anything that the internet ...  
  
In ~~comclution~~conclusion, (...) that we ~~made~~take probably (...) because the Internet helps ...  
Anyway, we have to be ~~thankfull~~grateful ~~everyone~~people/person that ~~finding~~invent/create theInternet.
Ni, there are numerous grammatical errors in this essay. I cannot say that these errors were made by auto-correct and that you typed the essay on your mobile device. The errors are so serious that if I were your English teacher, I would send you back to the basic grammar lessons that includes how to spell basic words. There is a clear indication that you did not really try to apply yourself in terms of grammar accuracy because, when you use a decent document typing program, or even if you just typed directly into the text box of this forum, the numerous red lines that indicate misspelled words would have tipped you off as to the spelling problems in your essay. When your spelling is this inaccurate, it becomes stressful for the reader to continue assessing your work. In this instance, I stopped reading by the second paragraph but forced myself to finish reading your work because I need to give you an accurate review. My final word on your essay is this, your intentions and message gets lost in the severe grammar inaccuracies present. I can understand what you are trying to say, so that is good. The bad, is that your spelling is so atrocious that your essay would be given a failing mark in terms of lexical resources and grammar accuracy.
**Despite health warnings, a large number of people continue to smoke all over the world.  
Why should we be concerned about this?  
What solutions would you suggest?**  
  
## disastrous habit

  
  
Essay:  
Smoking is a horrible and expensive habit which costs smoker's finance and causes serious health risk, yet over 1.3 billion people or 18% of the world's population smoke. However, many people are still smoking regardless of its dangers. I vigorously advocate that appropriate education and restrictive politics against tobacco may create a shard downward trend in smoking.  
  
We cannot deny the fact that smoking definitely lead to thousand diseases and symptoms. Furthermore, there is a strong bound between smoking and cancers especially lungs cancers. Not only is the health condition's addicted person destroyed, but also people surrounding. Family, friends or even strangers who have individual contact with smokers can be influenced, that is also known as passive smoke. Although these ill effects of smoking are recognized, people are still getting addicted to this dangerous drug.  
  
However, smoking trend can be reduced by some efforts of everyone. To adopt laws and conduct education campaigns are considered as the must-way to solve this problem. The government should be cooperate tobacco factories to propagandize the bad effects of smoking throughout citizens by advertisements or campaigns. In addition, schools also take apart of responsibilities to teach and warn their students about that. Laws finally should be tighter to diminish produce operations of the tobacco companies.  
  
In conclusion, to victory these issues do everything to reduce the number of smokers in society. I strongly believe that it is not the governments or tobacco companies responsibilities, it is all people duties to cooperate to enhance people's awareness in smoking habit.
Thuong, if not for the mistake that you made in the opening paraphrase and the improper concluding statement at the end, the essay would have been perfect. The body paragraphs that you presented for the discussion of the problem causes and the possible solutions was quite acceptable. Those parts showed a clear understanding of the topic and that you had some pretty good ideas in terms of causes and solutions. That is why I was very disappointed to read the faulty opening statement and concluding paragraph. Let me show you an example of a properly developed opening statement:  
  
*Smokers all over the world refuse to stop smoking even though there have been countless health warnings regarding the dangers of the said activity. There are several reasons as to why we should be concerned about this alarming trend. This essay will look at the reasons that smoking continues to be a popular activity across the world and what possible solutions might be presented in order to curb the smoking epidemic.*  
  
In your version, you actually did some research and presented figures relating to the epidemic. These are unnecessary in this sort of essay. You should only present an opening statement based upon the previously supplied facts from the original prompt. Just explain the essay topic and discussion type in your own understanding. It doesn't need to be perfect, but it needs to be closer to the original at all cost.  
  
The concluding statement contains both additional information and your personal opinion regarding the topic. These are not parts of a concluding paragraph. Rather, these are parts of a new paragraph discussion. The closing statement must only present a summary presentation of the discussion that you presented and the solution that you propose, nothing more.
## online languages populations

  
  
A comparison of various languages due to a survey in 2001 to its growing-population per year is illustrated in the chart and on the table.  
Overall, English dominated online network while only a minority of all users communicated verbally through 3 different other European languages. Moreover, the total number of world-wide user grew significantly over 4 year-period.  
  
In 2001, surveyed-people accounted for more than 40% using English to share information via internet, while Portuguese, Dutch, and French were only hovering at around 2 to 3% of all population.Although the number of the user in Korean languages were about 4.5% , other Asian languages- Japanese, calculated less than two fold and Chinese was close behind. A more detail, both Spanish and German is used at approximately 6.5% and the rest proportion was the figure of other languages.  
  
A part from previous comparison, only 1.8% of world population was using internet as their communication media in the initial year, in 1997.This number increased dramatically over the following five year to more than 8% in August 2001. Up to this point, online-connection had had around 500 (in million) users globally.In addition to this, the first one year-period was the fastest growing number of total population, it was twice as many as its user in 1997.  
  
Please kindly review this writing.  
Thank you.  
  
*
Hi Dian. There are a few grammatical mistakes in the essay, and these need to be sorted. For example, it should be "all the population". Please take care of pronouns, articles and singular/plurals (should be **users**). It shouldn't be "due to a survey". Rather you can use "A survey conducted on 2001 shows/highlights the comparison.....". The use of adverbs (dramatically, significantly) is very important, and you have used them appropriately.
Dian, this essay severely lacks the proper format for an IELTS Task 1 essay. You do not have any summary overview indicated in the essay and believe me, I checked for it at the start, in the middle, and at the end of the essay because, as you should know, the summary overview can be located in any part of the essay. Yet your essay did not have it. Therefore, the presentation of the summarized information is faulty. The information that was given to you before the graph and chart contained the overview information that should have been first presented in order to create your discussion outline. The format of your summary overview, which would have been scored as part of the TA section is as follows:  
  
*There are two illustrations provided for analysis. The first, is a pie chart that indicates the number of people online who use various languages. While the table shows how many people are online on a yearly basis. This essay will examine both sets of information and present it to the reader. The information presented will be based upon the presentation of the main features of the pie chart and table. Along with these information, similarities will also be discussed whenever appropriate.*  
  
Based on the previous prompt instructions, the method of discussion and information to be presented is clear. Your essay does not create any separation between the table and the pie chart information, which should have been clearly indicated at the start of each paragraph. There are also missing comparison notes based upon the similarities of the two illustrations. More importantly, you failed to indicate the date that the information was collected which was in December 2001. Any missing information creates an inaccurate report summary on your part and provides faulty information to the reader. Based on these two problem points alone it will be impossible for your essay to get a passing score.