dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level.***  
## Do you agree or disagree?

  
  
Some people believe that schools should ensure that equal attention is given to subjects of art, music and theatre as any other subject, especially during the early school years. I strongly agree with this statement as these areas of study stimulate creativity and enhance self-confidence in young minds and also opens the possibility of having a career in different performance arts.  
  
Firstly, elementary school students can benefit greatly from performance art in terms of improving their self-confidence and opening their minds to a world of imagination. An explanation for this is that children at a younger age have a great thirst for knowledge and are more susceptible to learning new skills. They are encouraged to apply their brains beyond textbooks, and instead practise their creativity to innovate and invent. Furthermore, often students learning music work in a team as part of a choir which helps develop their personality. For instance, children studying acting have to speak in front of large audiences and this helps them overcome fears of public speaking. Therefore, these subjects are important to create dynamic personalities.  
  
Secondly, by introducing and training children in these creative skills at the primary level sets them up for a potential career in one these fields. There are always students who have a natural talent for drawing or those who prefer to enhance their singing skills more than studying science and maths. This talent can be harnessed and the progenies may grow up to be successful if they are provided with an opportunity to study these subjects from a very young age.  
  
In conclusion, I believe performance art subjects deserve to be credited as important as all other subjects it is beneficial for future of the students. Art, music and drama assist in nurturing dynamic personalities as well as in paving a professional path for young children in these fields.
Being a simple agree or disagree essay, you do not need to offer an emotional or measured response to the prompt. This is a simple discussion that could have been better served, with a simple agreement statement supported by the outline of your discussion topics in the succeeding paragraphs. This essay covers 3 discussion topics:  
  
- Arts  
- Music  
- Drama  
  
Each reference topic from the original prompt should be discussed within its own paragraph, making this a 5 paragraph essay covering:  
  
- Discussion restatement and response  
- Arts discussion  
- Music discussion  
- Drama discussion  
  
By separating each topic into its own, specific paragraph, you can better thresh out your explanation in support of the importance of each category. Your first reasoning paragraph became highly confusing to read and follow. It has caused undue stress on the reader because you tried to connect 2 separate topics in one paragraph. This weakened the overall reasoning, explanation, and examples within the presentation. Always consider how many topics are required in the discussion (3 in this case) and allot individual paragraphs for the discussion to assure a fully developed and explained presentation for every category.  
  
Try to use 3 sentences in the concluding summary. Always refer to the original discussion topic as a separate sentence. It was this missing element that created an under developed concluding summary. Otherwise, you did an acceptable job of summarizing your essay content.
***Environmental problems around the world are now so severe that an individual can no longer make a positive difference**.*  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

  
  
It is believed that the global environment has deteriorated to such an extent that the efforts of a single person will not have any beneficial impacts anymore. I completely agree with this statement due to the environmentally un-friendly lifestyle of citizens and the ignorant attitudes of people in power.  
  
Firstly, the current mind-set of the general public has increasingly become extremely ignorant towards the severe impacts their lifestyle choice has on our eco-logical system. The world has become so comfortable in exhausting the same non-reusable and non-recyclable items that it is no longer possible for an individual to fight this menace. For instance, The Great Barrier Reef in Australia can longer be restored and the turtles within are dying in thousands due to the amount of plastic thrown out into the ocean. In spite of being aware of the various damaging effects of plastic and its non-recyclable properties, we continue to use and discard plastic in enormous quantities around the world. The only way to salvage this situation is to come together as a society and make the changes necessary to protect the environment.  
  
Secondly, the lack of support from influential and powerful people makes it challenging for individuals to make a significant difference. Recently a political world leader publicly discounted scientist's concerns regarding the alarming rate at which our climatic conditions are changing. Without the support of world leaders who have the financial capability and the ability to influence and sway the minds of millions, an individual alone cannot have any substantial impact.  
  
In conclusion, it is imperative we as a society change our non-sustainable habits to have any kind of noteworthy positive impact on the environment. Additionally, individual's efforts to save the mother nature will be fruitless without the support of powerful world leaders.
The overall discussion is sound. It is applicable to the given prompt requirement except, you offered solutions to the situation 3 times in the essay when none was required by the original prompt. Your discussion should not have veered past your complete agreement with the statement. If the essay does not instruct you to "provide possible solutions to the problem", you do not offer possible solutions anywhere within the essay. That is considered a prompt deviation, which creates an incorrect discussion format for the essay. Learn to read and understand the discussion requirements. Do not supply information that is not specified for inclusion in your discussion format. Doing so lowers your possible TA rating.  
  
Your conclusion is also incorrect. You have not provided the minimum 3 sentence format that covers:  
-The discussion topic  
- Your opinion  
- Summarized reasons presentation  
- Closing sentence  
  
You changed the parameters of the discussion in your conclusion to focus on your final opinion regarding the topic. Never forget, the conclusion is used only to remind the reader of the discussion points. You cannot continue the discussion in the conclusion since that will create an open-ended essay rather than a concluded opinion paper.  
  
On a positive note, you did well in focusing the reasoning paragraphs on the defense of your sole opinion. That is the correct discussion format for this essay prompt. I am pleased that you knew to discuss only one point of view because most students accidentally / mistakenly use a comparative essay format, which is the incorrect format for this essay discussion instruction.
## Solving problem in education

  
  
From the past till present, education is always a top priority with development in many countries. Some countries' governments claim that they should encourage their own teaching and studying efficiently. Therefore, this is restricted in undeveloped countries. The bellow essay will give some problems and how to tackle those.  
  
It cannot deniable that schools are very few in many areas, especially the rural areas. The first thing we could see that lacking of the qualified teachers is a serious problem because they would not have any correct instructions. The second is the modern teaching equipments such as computers, experiments' facilities, Internet network, so on, which the student here are not exposed. These lead to most of children would not have enviroment to acquire knowledge. Moreovers, the big problem is that children have to work with many kinds from the early age. For example, in Africa, childrens who are from 8 ages ought to go out, find different jobs to make living and support for their family. Every work they do is use their physical, labouring by hand-leg.  
  
The solution of these problems is the mainly difficult thing in progress of improvement nations. There are several of methods to address for governments are given. Firstly, the developed countries can lend undeveloped ones a helping hand by subsidizing money for some actions. For example, they would invest to build schools where would occur study and play activities for childrens. Secondly, number of money could be contributed to install high-tech facilities that supports for teaching and studying. Finally, some of teachers should be sent to more developed countries in order to research, update the latest teaching methods, then returning, devoting for their own education. In addition to, governments should make education mandatory for all childrens, like encouraging their parents to let them go to school fro study instead of earning.  
  
In conclusion, education should boost in these nations because of its crucial role to promote nation. Governments should take it in consideration to broaden their childrens' horizon by some certain ways so that their country could develop more in general.
Your paragraphs do not truly discuss the related problems within a paragraph. Neither do you present related solutions in the solutions paragraph. When considering what topics to discuss in a problems and solutions essay, make sure that you discuss no more than 2 topics in the relevant paragraph. The only specification is that, due to coherence and cohesiveness requirements in the presentation, the two topics you choose to discuss must support each other in the discussion.  
  
In the first reasoning paragraph, the two related discussion points are:  
- schools are very few in many areas, especially the rural areas.  
- lacking of the qualified teachers  
  
The above problem presentation has a commonality involved in the discussion which is:  
- The lack of schools in rural areas means there are not enough qualified teachers to educate the students.  
- Teachers do not want to be assigned to rural areas because it is too far from their own homes.  
  
If you notice, your discussion does not create a cohesive explanation based on 2 properly related reasons. I was the one who supplied the proper reasons for you. You should avoid just listing the problems the problems, focusing only on the reasons, but not really explaining how these reasons relate to the given topic. Coherence, is scored based upon your ability to connect your discussion points per paragraph. You do this using:  
  
- The discussion topic(s)  
- Reasons that connect one problem to the next (lack of schools, no teachers due to distance of the schools from teacher homes)  
- A proper example that illustrates the point (new graduates refuse rural teaching positions because of distance)  
  
The same applies to the solution which is:  
- build more schools in the rural areas  
- Give teachers housing in the rural areas  
- Provide an example of why these suggested solutions would work (teachers would not need to travel far to go home and rest)  
  
Based on the discussion outline above, you can see why your essay cannot achieve a passing score, even though you wrote a very long essay. There is no sense to your presentation. The topics, solutions, and discussions simply do not connect properly. The essay is weak in all discussion areas. The examiner will also add the grammar range problems to the deductible points, in which case, the essay will not score higher than a 3.
Topic:  
***Some people think that instead of preventing climate change, we need to find a way to live with it.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
Climate change is a crisis which has an influence on human. It is for this reason why people think that instead of preventing climate change, we need to find a way to live with it. Personally, I complete disagree with this view because I believe that we still have time to tackle this issue and reduce the human impact on the Earth's climate.  
  
I am sure that governments and individuals can alter this situation, or at least minimize, climate change. Governments could carry out the law to reduce carbon emissions and greenhouse gas emissions because they are one of the leading cause of this. Using international cooperation on this global problem is also the best measure to resolve and they could join hand to invest in renewable energy production form solar, wind or water power.  
  
It is no longer possible to say that individuals activity does not affect weather conditions thus we should also try our best to limit our impact on climate change, by using bicycles and public transport, by classifying the rubbish...  
  
Evidence for climate change is provided ill-health human decreasing, floods and rainstorms is caused of rising temperature. Moreover, human has to face up with losing their homes and their jobs, increasing homelessness and poverty... There is no doubt that the potential for people suffering would be enormous.  
  
To summarise, generally speaking, finding a way to live with climate change is a bad opinion. It is obvious to me that we have to defeat it.
While you did a wonderful job in responding to the prompt question and staying on point with your reasoning paragraphs, you did a bad job at paraphrasing the original content. You used a direct cut and paste of the phrase: we need to find a way to live with it. As cut and paste portion, or a memorized representation of the original prompt, your TA score will suffer point deductions on a major scale.  
  
Another point to consider is, because the essay is lacking 2 words to meet the minimum word count, there will also be corresponding point deductions for the missing words. You have to write a minimum of 250 words, but no more than 290 words to allow for maximum scoring on your essay. It is important that you never use the same words, phrases, or sentences from the original prompt because this will show that you have a limited English vocabulary, which means your LR score will also be lower than you might expect.  
  
This is a 4 paragraph essay that could be expanded to 5 paragraphs, provided you have enough justifications, discussion points, reasons, and examples to support a 3 reasoning paragraph presentation. In this case, you do not. Your discussions are only topic presentations that lack proper supporting elements that would have better allowed it to support your disagreement with the given statement. A strong paragraph has:  
  
- A single discussion topic  
- A strong supporting reason  
- A properly explained example  
- A convincing supporting explanation for the example  
- An additional explanation or transition sentence  
  
Your paragraphs do not present these elements so the paragraphs cannot be considered as properly developed explanatory presentations.  
  
Avoid using ellipses in your presentation. Though a part of the English punctuation marks, these are not used in academic writing presentations. The use of the ellipse is mostly reserve for creative writing presentations as it indicates an unmentioned continued thought process.  
  
Your concluding paragraph is not a proper summary. It is only a single sentence long. You must provide at least 3 sentences that will restate the discussion elements previously presented:  
  
- Topic  
- Opinion  
- Reasons  
- Closing sentence or repeated solution suggestion if one is required by the discussion instructions.  
  
You have shown that you have the potential to write a properly developed essay. You just need to focus on presenting the proper discussion requirements in order to achieve that. Have confidence in knowing that you have the skills to write a passing essay once you become more familiar with the writing requirements of a Task 2 essay.
IELTS T2:  
## Advertising for food products should be banned.

  
***To what extent do you agree or disagree?***  
  
Topic: Researchers show that overeating is as harmful as smoking. Therefore, advertising for food products should be banned in the same way as the cigarette advertising is banned in many countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree.  
  
In recent years, many adopt a view that overeating is a detrimental problem which increases morbidity and mortality like smoking does, and the governments should accordingly take proactive actions. However, the issue as to whether some types of food advertisements should be prohibited remains controversial. In my opinion, although imposing bans on food commercials would be effective to some what extent, it is over-simplistic to say that such approach could address the problem.  
  
There is no point in denying that commercials can effect, change or even mold youngers' thoughts. Behavioral studies have indicated that in contemporary society, the more excessive exposure to advertisements, the stronger association between non-nutritious food advertisements and childhood obesity rate. This is attributed to the fact that most children at schooling ages are not cautious of information intendedly disseminated by advertisers; thereby, giving preferences to advertised food regardless of their ingredients. For instance, statics have shown that children who spend more than three hours on television with integrated unhealthy food advertisements are 50% more likely to be obese comparing to peers watching less than two hours. This example demonstrates that excessive exposure to advertisement somehow has stimulated the consumption of unhealthy food in children. Hence, legislators should institute restrictions on advertisements targeting at young viewers to protect this vulnerable group.  
  
Nevertheless, the root-cause of binge eating is mainly derived from subjective factors rather than objective ones like advertisements. Psychological researches have pointed that those who are struggling with stress, anxiety, depression or frustration are prone to food over-consumption, because some food can arouse brain to release endorphin which is a naturally produced opioid in the body to enhance excitement, boost pleasure, relieve stress and kill pain. Furthermore, since eating could give the feeling of euphoria, neuroscientists have determined over-eating as a psychological disease of eating disorder, commonly found among those contracting mental problem resulted from fast-pace of life or fierce working environment. Therefore, at the heart of this matter is the personally internal elements of managing stress and balancing life.  
  
In conclusion, emphasizing on forbidding food advertisement may not completely solve the problem. Given that some of subjective factors are in need of being taken into account, the authorities should thoughtfully re-consider before taking appropriate actions.  
  
370 words.  
Thank you!
## Fare-free public transport

  
  
*Topic: The best way for government to solve the problem of traffic congestion is providing free public transport in 24 hours per day, and seven days a week. To what extent do you agree/disagree?*  
  
Fare-free public transport is often assumed as the best way of reducing car use and tackle congestion problems. In my view, I consider that might not be the best measure for some reasons mentioned below.  
  
On the one hand, free public transport program has little impact on car drivers' behavior. The behavior of motorists and the transport mode they choose depend little on public transport fares. Researchers found that when zero-fare public transports were applied, only a small number of people who previously traveled by car made the switch. Furthermore, a vast amount of passengers attracted by it tends to be cyclists and pedestrians rather than car users. This proved the ineffectiveness of the given policy and traffic congestion would stay unsolved.  
  
At the same time, the success of the free public transport movement also has a link to the quality of the service and city infrastructure. For example, in some parts of the world, commuter lines are overcrowded in rush hour. The low or adequate quality of city infrastructure could cause traffic delays and thus would makes more inconvenient to stay in public buses for a long time rather than private cars. Beside that, the quality of many public transport can not compete to the good points of cars and other vehicles. Comfort, reliability and cleanness are the motivating factors that make cars dominant over free bus service.  
  
In conclusion, free public transport initiative may not be effective for mitigating congestion issues on its own and combining multipronged approaches should be implemented by government to address traffic jams.  
  
293 words  
Thank you!
The essay asked you to deliver an extent or measured agreement or disagreement with the given topic. Based on your first paragraph, it appears that you disagree with the idea of government subsidized transport. However, you neglected to clearly respond to the question posed. Then upon reading the reasoning paragraphs, you used the comparative discussion for the presentation. These are the 3 main reasons why your essay does not meet the requirements for a passing score based on the prompt requirements.  
  
The measured response (ex. I strongly, I totally, I wholly, I primarily) is the personal point of view that will establish your response to the question and also, identify the discussion slant of the essay. That is, to support only one side of the discussion, proving your assertions within 2 related, coherent, and cohesive paragraphs. The minute you used the comparative essay format, you went against the expected discussion format. When you did not indicate a measured response, you changed the prompt discussion instruction. Both errors will not only pull down you overall score, but result in the failing score of your essay.  
  
So what is the format for this discussion? This is a 4 paragraph essay utilizing 3-5 sentences per paragraph so it should go something like this:  
  
Par. 1: Prompt paraphrase with response: There has been some deliberation regarding having the state wholly subsidize the national transit system. The question posed is "would the total gratuity be a good move in resolving the road gridlock problem?". My response to this inquiry is this, I am in total opposition to the idea. A total free transport system is not the solution to the problem.  
  
Par. 2: Offer a single reason to support your claim. Use your personal observation or opinion. Do not refer to research results or anything of the sort. The essay relies on your personal knowledge, observation, and experience for its discussion presentation.  
  
Par. 3: Offer a solid example of why your reason is correct. A single reason is all that is needed because you are defending your opinion with supporting examples. You are not writing a comparative essay. The direct opinion question is never responded to as a comparative essay discussion.  
  
Par. 4: Recap the first 3 discussion point. The topic, your opinion, and your example. Then use a closing sentence to end the essay. The last paragraph is just meant to summarize the discussion and that is all you have to do. Show that you can restate your discussion points effectively to bring the essay full circle.  
  
Remember, read the instructions. Figure out what the discussion format should be first and write the essay in the expected format. That way you can be sure of meeting all the task and writing requirements. While you might make some grammar mistakes, if you follow the format I suggest above, your essay should reach at least a 5 band score.