dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***Topic:  
Nowadays, many families have both parents working. Some working parents believe other family members like grandparents can take care of their children, while others think childcare centres provide the best care.***  
  
## Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

  
  
In modern society, due to the desire to supplement family's current financial base, working-parents family are now becoming predominant. The prevalence of this family configuration leads to the increasing demand for child care. Opinions are divided into whether daycare centers or blood relatives such as elder adults provide better nurturing for children, but it is my firm conviction that the latter's upbringing is the best.  
  
On the one hand, childcare centers such as preschools or kindergartens seem appealing to couples who are inundated with dual working due to several reasons. Firstly, thanks to the convenience of these services, working parents save a lot of time; to be more specific, parents no longer need to juggle child care and career; thereby properly concentrating on their paid work. Secondly, daycare centers offer various extracurricular activities such as singing contests, storytelling competitions or weekly picnics, which are ideal opportunities for children to socially interact with people of different ages and genders. These merits contribute greatly to children's soft skills later in their life.  
  
on the other hand, I take the view that support from a relative by consanguinity is of tremendous value to the whole family. First, the grandparents' child care is such a balm to financially disadvantaged parents especially those who struggle to accommodate basic needs, not to mention afford their offspring costly care offered by daycare centers. secondly, routes of connecting between the elderly and their descendants, which tends to be rarely seen in modern society, can be easily created. By constantly giving their grandchildren both physical and mental care, the older adults simultaneously befriend and bond with them. This kinship relationship obviously does not exist if the children are care in the center.  
  
In conclusion, although it is undeniable that both parents and children benefits a lot from daycare centers, these services do not suit some families with poor socio-economic background and also sometimes minimize the chances to heal the distance between the elderly and the youth.
You have presented an opinion in the first sentence that is not part of the original prompt presentation. You are not required to give a reason in the restatement. Just repeat the facts as indicated. Do not alter the prompt requirement as that is a prompt deviation that will limit your TA score.  
  
This is a 3 reasoning paragraph presentation that focuses on the explanation of the public opinions in separate paragraphs:  
- Some working parents believe other family members like grandparents can take care of their children  
- others think childcare centres provide the best care.  
- the latter's upbringing is the best.  
  
Focus on the explanation of the 2 public opinions using 3rd person pronouns. Why should you do that? Well, that will help you clearly indicated whose opinion is being explained and what it is based on. The reason for that? The prompt uses the words "Some working parents" and "other thing", indicating a difference in public opinion presentation. Once you explain why the public might believe those individual reasons, you can present your own opinion in the 3rd reasoning paragraph using the first person point of view.
Wow! 496 words, way over the number of words that you can actually write within the 40 minute time frame if you truly take the time to analyze the question, draft a response, review the response, edit, proofread, and finalize the content. There is absolutely no way that you can do all of that, and write that many words within the given time allowance. Aim for 275-300 words alone. That is the number of written words that will help you focus on the quality of the work you are presenting. This length of essay writing often results in more presentation errors being made. You do not need to write too much, you just have to write the proper number of words that will allow the examiner to best assess your English comprehension and writing skills.  
  
This essay shows that you did not understand the discussion instruction. So you wrote an essay that will fail due to the format not being related to the task assigned. What is the task assigned? It is based on the following:  
  
OQ: Do the advantages of this outweigh its the disadvantages?  
Response: In my opinion this trend has both pros and cons in equal measures.  
  
The keyword here is "outweigh". The response cannot show an equality of reasoning due to that word. That specific word "outweigh" means that it is a single opinion essay based on a single supporting statement. Either the advantages weigh more than the disadvantages or the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. There is no other option. Therefore, this essay shall receive an overall failing score based on :  
  
- Improper format response  
- Lack of clear opinion in the overall presentation
A formally written essay / sentence never begins with the conjunction "because". That is due to the word more often than not being used as a connecting word between two connected thought presentations. You should come across that lesson in your English writing classes soon. The rest of the essay is acceptable for an ESL writer. The thoughts you are conveying have a clear subject, an understandable idea, and an easy to follow, although often grammatically incorrect sentence presentation. You are doing well enough so far. I am sure you will become more skilled in English writing grammar over time. Keep writing in English. Continue to read English only materials. I am sure you can only get better from here.
## switching jobs or not?

  
  
Nowadays, there is the wide variety of available jobs. It is becoming more and more common for people to change their job frequently. Besides some positive effects, this also contains some drawbacks. In this essay, I will look at both sides and try to draw my conclusion.  
  
Let's start by looking at the advantages of changing career. One of the greatest benefits of switching your job is that people can find their suited occupation. For many adults,it may be difficult to analyse a job that fit their capacity and hobby. Changing different jobs can help them to find out their dream job. Another major advantages of deciding to change career is that employees can gain much knowledge in different strategies. Working in more than one environment broadens person's horizons. This can make you more rounded as a person.  
  
Turning to the other side of the argument, people who change their career frequently often face some difficulties at their work, such as lack of skills and experiences. In the majority of cases, a job requires some specialized qualifications. Thus, the person have to take the time to study the subject in order to prepare himself for the job. Another issue is that major employees can find it hard to immerse themselves in the new working environment. This often happens when people change to a work which is too different from the previous one.  
  
To sum up, there are clearly both pros and cons to changing the occupation. While switching career can be a good way to find a fitted job and gain more knowledge, for many people there are too many differences to cope with. In my opinion, if you go with the right attitude, the benefits of changing career can outweigh any negatives.
No. The discussion approach, based on the thesis statement is incorrect. The discussion for this essay is centered on:  
  
What are the advantages and disadvantages of changing career? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  
  
Nowhere in that discussion instruction are you being asked to give an opinion or come to a conclusion regarding the discussion. It is only to be presented as a 2 reasoning paragraph discussion, without conclusions made. That is a prompt deviation that will affect your TA score due to improper discussion format. The personal opinion is not required and will pose a severe percentage deduction in your TA and final score.
**Topic:  
## In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing.

  
*What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations***  
  
There is a fact that residents of industrialized nations are having longer life expectancy than ever before. As this trend continues, in the future, the number of old people will be more greater than the young; therefore, the rest of the world population would have to shoulder much more responsibilities. However, societies' actions to mitigate these problems are still possible.  
  
Due to aging population in developed countries, many pressures will be placed on the whole world. The major issue is both governments and businesses have to pay more retirement pensions and health care costs, since the number of people who are eligible to receive the money is increasing considerably in the near future. It means the tax-payers will bear a serious financial burden and the young workforce has to work harder to care for the elderly. Furthermore, lack of young labour resources would cause stagnation not only for the growth of individual internal businesses, but also the global economy. As a result, many first world countries whose proportion of senior citizens is higher than the junior, such as Japan, are already suffering these negative consequences of longer life expectancy.  
  
Nonetheless, there are some steps that governments and societies could consider to resolve this issue. Firstly, simple solution would be to extend the standard retirement age from 60 - 65 years old to 75 years old, since the old nowadays can still lead a productive working life, especially those have career at educational institutions. This way would reduce social welfare budget for the pension. On the other hand, the heads of societies should also provide a subsidy for the young people when they plan to buy a house besides encouraging citizens to have more children.  
  
In conclusion, various measures can be used to tackle to the problems which are certained to the aging population in developed world.  
  
*Thank you for reading and correction! I really appreciate your help ❤*
In the restatement sentence, do not mention "fact" since there is no reference to such in the original prompt. You do not need to verify the truthfulness of the topic since it is not being asked for in the original presentation. You don't have to exaggerate the discussion since that will most likely change the presentation focus and format. Just do a simple retelling of the original topic to avoid any confusion in the presentation, which is what happened in this case. Good work on the thesis statement. However, a more specific solution topic was required in response to the second instruction. All of these would have helped to create a proper prompt restatement and thesis presentation on your part, resulting in a higher TA score.  
  
You wrote too much in the first 3 paragraphs, while you underwrote in the summary conclusion. You should be writing a total of 300 words, with at least 40 words allotted to the reverse paraphrase in the concluding section. That is to help increase your TA score to show the examiner how well you remembered the original topic, your reasons, and solutions, and are able to present a short form to the reader just as a reminder of the previous discussion points.
## In some cities and towns all over the world, the high volume of traffic is a problem

  
  
In contemporary life, air pollution acting as one of the most severe issues which is recently concerned by community mainly results from amount of commuter transportation. It is common knowledge that there are several reasons leading to this problem and we need to take action to reduce the harmful features.  
  
To start with the origin of dense vehicles stream, thanks to the development of technology and machines, residents tend to misuse the private transportations. In fact, it is reported that there are at least one to two cars on average in a whole family, so that they cause traffic congestion in the rush hour. In addition, the high volume of traffic depends on the human need such as convenience, safety, so on. Citizens always want to have their own means to get to work or shopping easily, so private cars function as a fundamental requirement in their life. Therefore, the number of cars, motorbike are increasing significantly.  
  
To handle this problem, governments had better to either boost the price of cars or encourage commuters to make use of communal transports like trains, buses. Furthermore, administration should raise spirit to walk for a while instead of travel by motorbikes which may be a chance to exercise and keep fit. Last but not least, it is certainly necessary to both construct , enlarge more roads, bridges to separate lane of heavy vehicle to diminish unpredictable accidents.  
  
In conclusion, to lessen the high volume of traffic not only governments have to bring solution out but human also should think about the benefits of using public vehicles and limit utilisation of personal cars.
In your desire to immediately respond to the question, you changed the discussion topic from:  
  
OT: In cities and towns all over the world, the high volume of traffic is a problem.  
  
to  
  
YT: air pollution acting as one of the most severe issues which is recently concerned by community  
  
So you ended up changing the discussion slant in totality. Your response is not in alignment with the original prompt which will result in a failing TA score, which will contribute to the overall failure of your test due to evident lack of English comprehension skills. For this presentation, you always have to do the following in the first paragraph:  
  
- Restate the prompt topic  
- Give the reason for the discussion  
- Offer a direct response to the questions or give reasons / causes / solutions are indicated by the original discussion instruction / questions  
  
You failed to properly represent these in the first paragraph which is known as the prompt restatement. In fact, your statement about air pollution did not factor into the rest of the discussion aside from the first statement that you made, which really shows a disconnection between your understanding of the prompt and how it should be discussed. While your reasons and solutions relate to the original prompt, the mistake in the restatement may prove to be the reason why your score will be limited and possibly, not passing in this test.
## obesity and health crisis

  
  
In recent years, there are some growing problems that the average weight of people is rising, whereas, their qualities of health and fitness tend to go down. This essay will examine the main causes and possible solutions to deal with these problems.  
  
The two main causes of these contrast changes are toxic lifestyle and a poor diet. When it comes to the lifestyle, because of hustle and bustle life, with higher demands, people are forced to choose a sedentary life in order to meet such demands. As a result, we are prone to serious diseases which directly affect our levels of heath. Also, a busy life takes responsibility for a poor diet, as well as the second main reason. To afford high living costs, a majority of people are on the treadmill of working and working. Thus, instead of self preparing a square meal, they take fast food including high calories of fat into their diet. Consequently, their weight rapidly increases but their body becomes overweight and is likely to suffer from obesity.  
  
Hence, not only should individual take action but also the community should join hand to address these problems. As for individuals, we must break bad habits to live an organised life. For instance, we ought to organise time sensibly then start with participating outdoor activities and adding more vegetables into our diet. By this way, our health will resume a healthy status. For the community, it is high time established public events with an aim to raising awareness of keeping fit. For example, it is a good idea to hold a cycling race annually or pride with encouraging posters of being in good shape.  
  
To conclude, we are confronting the problem of gaining weight but worsening levels of health which result form two main reasons namely toxic lifestyle and a poor diet. However, if we, both ourselves and the whole community, make a big effort, these problems will soon be eradicated.
Presenting 324 words may prove to be a problem for you during the actual test that only allows for 40 minutes of writing, proofreading, and final version creation. Based on the amount of time required to ensure that you submit a grammatically perfected essay, you should not be writing more than 300 words. In fact, the essay has several problem points that you were unable to spot because you focused on length rather than quality.  
  
For starters, the thesis statement is missing in the first paragraph. You need to provide a summary of the upcoming discussion, by offering the upcoming topics for discussion to clearly show how well you understood the prompt and the requirements. You do not have to discuss those subjects in that paragraph, but you should not waste the TA score by simply repeating the writing instructions either.  
  
The causes paragraph is clear at the start, but then becomes confusing to read when it gets to the second discussion topic. Instead of saying:  
  
Also, a busy life takes responsibility for a poor diet, as well as the second main reason.  
Go directly to the point and indicate that this is the second reason. Clarity in the sentence is required to help keep the cohesive and coherent presentation of the paragraph. One mistake in the sentence formatting results in confusion for the reader. Which is one of the reasons why you have to focus on quality rather than quantity when writing these essays.
## Uk - immigration and migration statistics

  
  
The given charts demonstrate the percentage of different reasons for immigration and emigration in England in the year 2007.  
  
As can be seen from the pie charts, it is obviously evident that while the most popular cause for residents arriving from and to the UK was their occupation, the immigration for no reason as well as the emigration for studying abroad were the lowest proportion.  
  
As the illustration suggests, the definite job reason for both migrations represented the majority of total, equivalent to about a third. The allocation of formal study cause accounted for 26%, which was higher than the accompany reason nearly a half figure. Seeking jobs and other reasons were the fourth rates, made up similarly the allocation of 12%. This number was obviously double that of no reason stated for British people moving to this country.  
  
According to the emigration chart, looking for work and no reason stated occupied 22% and 18% respectively. An interesting notice is that the proportions of joining reason as well as others constituted approximately 13%, which tripled that of formal study.  
  
*
Remember that you are reporting based on an image that the reader will not be able to see. Therefore, you need to be specific about certain aspects of the prompt summary. These include, but are not limited to:  
  
- The type of image  
- Number of images  
- Overview of each image section/content  
- Trending statement for each image  
  
Your summary overview is, in my opinion, lacking in the required details and does not properly help the reader create a mental picture of the information you are providing. I mean, sure, you identified the pie charts, but you did not give the number of images and what these represent as a part of the summary, which would have helped create the mental picture I was telling you about earlier.
## PROTECTING WILD ANIMALS

  
  
***Topic:*** Wild animals have no place in the 21st century, so protecting them is a waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
  
Some people believe the idea that it is pointless to spend money on protecting wild animals because it doesn't give us any benefits. To me, I completely disagree with this point of view.  
  
From my perspective, it is unreasonable to say that wild animal has no place in the 21st century. I completely do not agree that the planet Earth was created only for the benefits of humans, and it is absurd to allow the extinction of any species in the world. Overmore, there is no certain reason why we should let animals die out. We do not need to destroy every square metre of land in order to feed or satisfy us; there are many other possible solutions to exists side by side with wild animals - this is our aim.  
  
I also disagree with the idea that protecting wild animals wastes lots of resources. It is the protection of natural habitats and ensures the wild animals' survival. Furthermore, many scientists agree that nature has very important standing in human life. For example, forests produce oxygen, stabilizing the Earth's climate. If we destroy these lands, the costs that we will receive is very sky-high! No oxygen. No stable climate. We can not keep humans survive safely. By protecting wild animals and their habitats, we would maintain the survival of all life on Earth.  
  
In a nutshell, we have no right to decide whether or not wild animals should exist, and I strongly believe that we should do everything we can to protect the wild animals and their habitats.  
  
(259 words)  
  
Please help me with my writing because I really want to improve my writing skill. My aim is 6.5 since I need it for my study, I think. If you can, please also give me a score to know my ability in IELTS.  
  
**Thank you very much!**
**Please contact us privately for scoring services. Student Scoring = Ban !**  
  
Your prompt restatement is totally incorrect. It does not refer to the information from the original prompt. You should have written this in a manner similar to the following:  
  
*There is an idea that free roaming animals have no relevance in the new millenia. Therefore, animal conservation in this instance is an inappropriate use of reserves. I completely disagree with this point of view owing to the reason that....*  
  
The second reasoning paragraph is more concise and coherent when compared to the first reasoning paragraph. The problem with the first reasoning paragraph is that you focused on the reasons, but neglected to develop the explanations. Which is why the 2 reasons did not nothing but present an under develop, non-cohesive, and little coherent explanation for the reasons. It is a paragraph that does not work to help your score because it lacks clarity.
Hi! I would like to have some feedbacks on your writing.  
  
1/ You should never write about others' opinion in an opinion essay: "Furthermore, ~~many scientists agree that~~ nature has ...". In doing so, you are at risk of giving an irrelevant response to the prompt. You had better change it into something like: "*Furthermore, I also believe that nature has a very important standing in human life.*"  
  
2/ You should avoid sentences like this: "~~No oxygen. No stable climate~~." if you would like to improve your C&C score. It should have been: "*Destroying these lands will have a huge negative impact on the natural environment, as it would be very likely to result in a lack of oxygen and climate instability*."  
  
3/ This is an formal essay and an exclamation mark **(!)** should not be used.