dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**It is neither possible nor useful for a country to provide university places for a high proportion of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## tertiary education importance

  
  
**Essay:**  
Furnishing young generations with tertiary education is of paramount importance in government's policies. Some people, however, believe that it is not only unfeasible but also unuseful to offer higher education to a majority of youngsters. From my perspective, this idea is completely legitimate for the following reasons.  
  
First, it proves impossible for the government to accommodate a wide range of young people with university places in consequence of the cost for pursuing higher education. As a matter of fact, the exorbitant tuition fee acts as a deterrent against the chance to enter university of many students, particularly in underprivileged countries. For instance, appealing and prestigious as it is, Foreign Trade University in Vietnam could have never been within reach for excellent students from remote areas, has it not been for the government's subsidies. This grant, as a result, may exacerbate the financial burden on the national budget if the government desires to allocate tertiary schools to all young learners, because there are still other aspects of more significance to make investment in, like health care systems or transport infrastructure.  
  
Second, I find it rather ineffective to equip all young people with access to university. This is because there is no guarantee that all the graduates can make contribution to the prosperity of their country in the future. In this age of job competition, pursuing further education will no longer ensure people a job after graduation, leading to an escalation in the unemployment rate, hence the burden on the national economy. Additionally, if everyone could enroll in college, it might result in the imbalances of workforce as intellectual labours could outnumber manual ones, which is apparently detrimental to the economy.  
  
In conclusion, I believe the idea of providing the majority of young people with access to higher education is undoubtedly flawed.
Pham, there are points for correction in your opening statement. First of all, you were being asked to discuss the degree of either your agreement or disagreement with the prompt. Instead, you indicated that you would be discussing the legitimacy of the statement instead. That is a totally different prompt discussion topic from what was originally provided. Additionally, when you say "for the following reasons", the punctuation mark that comes after that is a colon, not a period as the phrase indicates a listing of information is to follow beneath the present statement. Since you are not offering a continued discussion that connects with the same paragraph, you cannot use that phrase in the paragraph. Instead, you should have indicated that you were going to "discuss several reasons in the succeeding paragraphs". That would have been the more acceptable discussion method sentence representation in your essay.  
  
The two body paragraphs offer solid reasons for your reasoning. However, since you made a mistake in the representation of the prompt requirements, you will lose a significant amount of points in the TA portion. Add to that the limited concluding discussion and your essay may not have a chance of passing the test. Always write in complete paragraphs. Do not write in 2 sentences because the GRA requirement asks you to create at least 3 simple or complex sentences within 5 completely developed and discussed paragraphs. Using only 2 sentences does not allow for such developments in the paragraph and will have a direct scoring down effect on your GRA and C&C scores.
***Topic: Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?***  
  
## state education system contribution

  
  
"Many believe that parents with children in private schools should not be liable to contribute to the state education system. I assume that citizens are responsible only for their corresponding choices made by them alone and therefore, I totally agree with this notion.  
  
The first reason for holding the belief mentioned above is that many families assume that private schools are more appropriate for their children and they do not receive benefits from the state education system. It is common sense that it would not be fair on them if they were required to pay for the public education expenditure. Therefore, tax exemptions should be allowed for these households. Some may assume that those being eligible for these tax deductions should also help to fund the national education budget but this statement is somehow fallacious because the state's expenses have already been reduced by their joining the private education system.  
  
Another significant point is that many families cannot afford to pay both private schools' expenses and to contribute to the state education system. It is a fact that the cost of private education is usually higher than the payment ability of parents with average income so that some have to ask for support which will eventually be a heavy burden on the government. For example, the total monthly tuition fees of a student in private high schools in developing countries is well above one thousand dollars which is worth a king's ransom if their parents are working in normal jobs such as workers or farmers. For this reason, I tend toward the viewpoint that financial concessions should be made to them.  
  
In conclusion, it seems to me that people have the right to pay only for the expenses of their children to follow suitable learning paths and for this reason, I entirely agree with the viewpoint that tax liability to support state education system is not reasonable for those who send their children to private schools."  
  
I would highly appreciate if you could help me to revise the above essay. Thank you all in advance.
Sarah, your restated prompt is too close to the original to be considered an accurate retelling of the topic provided. You need to make sure that you totally change the way that you represent the prompt in your own words. If it is too similar to the original wording, as this one is, you will be marked down in terms of GRA and LR considerations. The GRA requires you to prove your ability to create complex sentences so having your statement sound too much like the original will not prove that ability on your part. Let me show you an example of a distant, but still related prompt restatement below:  
  
*These days, families that send their children to private schools still pay taxes that are pushed towards the support of the public school system. There is a belief among the parents of children attending non-government subsidized schools that they should be exempted from paying the educational tax since their children do not attend the state schools. In this essay, I will discuss the degree of my agreement with this opinion.*  
  
The reasons that you present in the body paragraphs are very well developed. Though the grammar problems do exist that prevent you from developing better simple sentences, you were able to make your opinion understood through statements that were easy to understand. Focus on creating more fluent simple sentence in your next practice test.  
  
For the concluding paragraph, you should have led in with another version of the original prompt discussion before presenting your impressive summary of discussion and personal opinion. This paragraph is good but could have been better.
@sarahna  
Hello, basically, I think your essay is really good, and you elaborated your point of view well after all.  
In my opinion, it may be a good choice if you can shorten some sentences. For instance, the second sentence of paragraph 3.  
Here is my way expressing the idea,  
  
->  
It is a fact (...) parents with average income, this phenomenon, as a result, makes some parents have to ask for support which will eventually be a heavy burden on the government.  
  
Well, this is my unprofessional view.  
Finally, once again, I consider your essay a good article.
**Topic: As the number of cars increases, more money has to spend on road systems. Some people think that the government should pay for this. Others, however, think that drivers should cover the costs. Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
## investments in road infrastructure

  
  
It is obvious that more money is to be spent on transport infrastructure due to an incremental increase in car ownership. While it can be argued that road system should be wholly financed by the government, I am of the opinion that road users should share the responsibility to subsidize road developments.  
  
There are several reasons why the government has to pay for the improvements of road systems. Firstly, improving citizens' living standards is one of the most crucial responsibilities of a government. State authorities need to raise the convenience and safety of commuting by paying for constructing and upgrading, as transportation is a basic need of each individual. Secondly, investments in infrastructure require a huge amount of money that exceeds inhabitants' financial capability. In fact, numerous major highway road constructions are financed by foreign loans, which need government commitment.  
  
On the other hand, car users' shared responsibility to cover road expenditure is not only beneficial to their own convenience but also to the social community as a whole. As the number of car owners takes up a large fraction of road space, they take great advantage of construction and maintenance on roads as they could save time traveling and increase safety. Moreover, a person who can afford a car is often more affluent than other people. Paying for road constructions, thus, is a kind of financial support for less fortunate people so that the whole community will enjoy a better life.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that government and citizens should join hands to increase investments in road infrastructure for the sake of society.
Cam, this is an improperly developed essay. You did not properly develop the opening statement, you did not discuss both points of view in the body, and you did not offer a complete discussion of your personal opinion on the matter either. It would appear that the whole essay was solely based on your point of view instead of being a "discuss both views plus personal opinion" essay. The opening statement that you wrote discussed your point of view immediately when that is not required in the opening statement. The point of view is always a part of the body of paragraphs. It is never provided in the outline statement, which is what the purpose of the opening statement is. Having said that, let me give you an idea as to how to approach this essay next time by giving you a sample below:  
  
*The number of cars using public roads increase every year. As such, a debate has slowly emerged regarding who should pay for the expenses related to the road systems. Others believe that the private vehicle owners should pay for this, while some, believe that this is the responsibility of the government. In this essay, I will be offering some insight into both points of view as well as my personal opinion on the matter.  
  
The reason that some people believe that the government should pay for the systems is based on...  
  
Those who believe that the private transport owners should pay for the road system explain that...  
  
In my opinion ...  
  
It is therefore safe to conclude that...*  
  
The above format is one of the many discussion formats that can be used for this essay. I hope that you will consider using this more proper format when you receive a similar instruction with your upcoming practice tests.
1) Both 'incremental' and 'increase' mean rising, it is unnatural to use these next to each other.  
2) Because this is an discuss - both - views essay, your overview must include your statement of discussing both of them, I think you should delay your own perspective and put it in the conclusion.  
  
3) However, your paraphrasing of the topic sentence is excellent.  
4) You have lexical resources. Your usage of words is great and appropriate. You also use many types of structures well.  
5) Your ideas are well organised, very clear. Good job!
**Q. The proportion of elder people in many countries is growing. Do you think it is a positive or negative thing?**  
  
## aging population of the world recently

  
  
As the aging population is always an important and controversial issue all over the world, an increasing number of people discuss whether it is a positive trend or not. In my view, I consider this aging population issue as a negative impact on the world, and, in this essay, I will be presenting the supporting facts for each side before finally elaborating my personal opinion regarding the matter.  
  
There is no doubt that older people can make contributions to the society in many ways. Firstly, as a general rule, when most of the elder people are more likely mature than the younger generation, older people are less inclined to commit crimes. That is to say, the aging population can reduce the rate of committing crimes. Next, older people tend to play a crucial role in supporting and maintaining social networks, especially between communities and families. This is due to the fact that they provide childcare, financial, emotional, and practical assistance to family members including helping people outside household with the tasks of daily living, when people, in this day and age, seem to prefer to interact with computers and smart phones more. Last but not least, when the proportion of elder people is growing, the job opportunities of looking after older people, such as long-term care, increase.  
  
However, there are several reasons why I consider the aging population as a negative global issue. The main one is financial problems. Most people over the age of 65 in my country are retired, I believe that it because the productivity of those people is no longer surpass the ability to consume. Thereafter, most of these people rely on pensions and subsidies offered by the government to live without making contributions to our society. This phenomenon can bring a huge financial burden to our country. Also, the elder people are more vulnerable than the young, which means that older people may cause more spending in health services. And, sometimes, the significant expenditure on health care could be detrimental to a family.  
  
To conclude, a discussion has been ongoing regarding aging population of the world recently. I believe this is a problematic and negative trend.
Hi Johnny, it is highly unfortunate that your essay, though well written would not get a passing score as a Task 2 essay. The failure of your essay once again, comes in the form of your discussion. It does not follow the required prompt requirement. You were only supposed to discuss one personal opinion. That of the negative, as indicated in your final sentence. There was no instruction to discuss both sides or compare both sides in the essay. The prompt just asked you if this was a positive or negative development. Again, the presence of the word "or" means pick a side, one side, for expanded discussion in the essay. While your essay discussion has improved somewhat, until you can learn to understand what the prompt requirement is for the discussion, it will be hard for you to get a passing grade on the essay. Do me a favor, click on the "Similar Discussions" link on this page and read the other essays written on a similar topic in this forum. Pay attention to the way they wrote their essays and learn from the advice given to them. You are a good writer, you just need to make sure that you understand the kind of discussion required for different essay discussion instructions.
**In some countries, an increasing number of people are suffering form health problems as a result off eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## government policy toward health care

  
  
An opinion is put forward whether raising tax for fast food should be implemented in order to minimize potential health risks related to this kind of food. This essay firmly agrees with the government's policy on levying a tariff on junk food as it not only brings better health for fast food consumers but also improves domestic health care system and public's awareness about fast food.  
  
To begin with, consumers' health will be better when they eat less fast food. As buyers might reconsider buying fast food at a higher price, there is likely to be a decline in junk food consumption. The number of people suffering from diseases associated with fast food will gradually decrease. To clarify, people will have little possibility of suffering from such health concerns like diabetes, obesity and cancer as they no longer pose a threat to fast food consumers' health.  
  
It is also believed that authorities' decision on imposing higher tax enhances the country's health care policy and people's perception about junk food. The money gained from taxes go straight to the government's budget. That revenue will be spent to establish medical programs, voluntary charities to support victims having health concerns regarding to ready-to-use food. Campaigns against the use of convenience food could be an effective way to raise people understanding on how it can adversely affect our health.  
  
All things considered, the governmental bodies should work towards this policy due to its effectivess in reducing health concerns, strengthening health care structure and raising public awareness in terms of fast food.  
  
*(243 words)*
Thao, your opening statement would have been acceptable only if it did not contain a tremendously long run-on sentence, as well as a mistaken discussion statement. The opening statement should have at least 3 sentences in it that introduce the topic, give the discussion instructions, and introduces the method of discussion of the essay. Hence:  
  
*There are some countries that have seen a rise in health problems due to its population's increasing amount of fast-food intake. This is fast becoming a problem for governments. In order to curb this problem, it has been suggested that the government must impose a fast-food tax. I am in total agreement with this opinion and the reasons why I support it will be discussed below.*  
  
The essay cannot agree with the statement because the essay is not writing itself. You are writing the essay. Therefore, it is your opinion that needs to be stated. Don't be afraid to use first person pronouns in that instance.  
  
In the first paragraph, the correct formation of the word is consumers not consumers'. You are using the plural form of the word so adding an S at the end is all that is required. Additionally, your clarification served to only confuse the readers. Stick to one reason and fully develop it, do not change discussions midstream. That is not going to help your score. You did not accurately explain your meaning when you added that information at the end of the paragraph.  
  
The final paragraph, the concluding statement, is discussing additional information. Don't do that. The closing statement should merely restate the discussion topic, repeat your opinion, and then summarize the discussion points in order to remind the reader of the overall discussion. That will serve as the closing statement for the essay. No information should be discussed because you are only allowed 3 body paragraphs with which to discuss information related to the topic. You cannot go beyond that number of paragraphs for reasoning in a Task 2 essay.
## treating or preventing?

  
  
It is a common trend to some nations to distribute a huge proportion of its health budget to education and measures of prevention rather than cure. While distributing a significant amount to health education and prevention is of great importance, treatment is a better investment.  
  
Firstly, serious illness are unavoidable. For instance, cancer can randomly affect anyone, including people who has the most intensive knowledge on health and the healthiest lifeste. Therefore, it would be pointless to divert a bigger fund to health education if such diseases exists.  
  
Secondly, the society is already aware of what and what not to avoid. Basic hygiene and a healthy lifestyle have already been embedded to them growing up. It is a matter in which a person will follow it or not.  
  
Finally, the price of treatment is much expensive than health education and prevention. Therefore, if budget would be limited, treatment would definitely be compromised, since funds will run out faster.  
  
In conclusion, a country's budget on health can greatly affect the population. Though both health related education and treatment needs funds, it cannot be denied that the latter is the better choice ldue to the statements provided above.
John, this essay does not follow the required parameters of an IELTS Task 2 essay. All of your paragraphs do not fall under the required minimum 3 sentences in order to qualify as a full paragraph under the C&C scoring criteria. The opening paraphrase is incomplete (Btw, you are required to give us a copy of the original prompt for our analysis and comparison with your work. Please do that with your next essay) . All of your paragraphs have under developed discussion statements and do not really inform the reader in a complete manner. Your essay does not feel like you thoroughly analyzed the given prompt because all of your responses are short summaries. It is almost as if you are afraid to develop your discussions into a full length form. This is not the kind of essay that would pass in an actual test setting. Since this is your first essay, you have room for improvement. It is important that you learn how to properly develop your opening statement, your discussion process, and your concluding paragraph. Looking at and reading the examples for various IELTS Task 2 essays that are posted here will help you familiarize yourself with the essay requirements.