dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
IT IS UNREALISTIC TO WORK FOR ONLY ONE COMPANY FOR YOUR WHOLE LIFE => AGREE OR DISAGREE  
  
## doing the same job permanently

  
  
Job decision is one of the most important decisions we make in our lives. Some people wish to have a permanent job and work under same company for their whole lives. Others just love to experience different positions in different places because they are fond of changes. Although I believe that changing job is an interesting idea, working for only one company year years is certainly not unrealistic.  
  
Firstly, it would be more secured if you do not change your job often. Nowadays, thousands of people lose their jobs or cannot find one. If you give up your current job without having got accepted to work for another company, you would probably bear the risk of being unemployed. In case that you have successful applied for a new job, it is still not certain that you could work well and adapt to the new environment. Therefore, lots of people are working under only one company in their lives because it is a safe option.  
  
Secondly, a number of companies adapt the seniority system, which means that they have special treatment for long term employees. For example, a higher rate of pension, higher salary or promotion every few years... In general, you will be given more advantages if you have more time working for the company. This type of reward is widely used in Asian countries, such as Japan, Korea. In Japan, people do not have the tendency to work for different companies because it is hard to find a job, and the benefit of seniority system is really significant.  
  
To look at the problem with a different perspective, one of the greatest disadvantages of working permanently in the same company is definitely boredom. After all, all decision is a trade-off. If you are looking for a long-term job, boredom is inevitable. If you always seek for opportunities to learn different things, do not hesitate to change.
Kim, when you write the opening statement, there will be a strong urge to begin discussing the facts of the essay immediately. Fight off that urge. Instead, use the opening statement for the purpose it was created, to prove your English comprehension skills. Just tell the reader what you understand of the original discussion instructions. That is the basis of the TA score and as such, is the most important scoring consideration for your test. Do not begin to present information not in the original prompt as those should be located in the body instead. This error on your part lowered your overall score consuderably. Most specially since you didn't close the statement with a proper agreement or disagreement of the original prompt. That prompt deviation, since you created your own discussion topic could have automatically failed your essay. However, since your line of reasoning still feel under the required discussion, you will most likely score a 4 because of the minimal task response and lack of a proper concluding statement.
1) Your introduction contains too many details that are not really necessary. Just paraphrase the topic and give your opinion.  
  
2) Although I believe that changing job is an interesting idea, working for only one company year years is certainly not unrealistic. => state directly your thought, do not you 'not unrealistic'. It is oblique and easily causes misunderstanding.  
  
3) Check your usage of conditional sentence and adverb.  
  
4) For example, a higher rate of pension, higher salary or promotion every few years... => attach examples to the previous sentence since this sentence is not complete.  
  
5) This type of reward is widely used in Asian countries, such as Japan, Korea => abundant information. You are supposed to discuss your idea further, not give subordinate details.  
  
6) Inappropriate conclusion. It is a must to paraphrase the topic again and restate your argument.  
  
7) Do not use 'firstly', 'secondly' in your essay.  
  
8) However, your view is clear and great in this work. Just need to practice more in terms of structures.
**topic: Students at universities often have a choice of places to live. They may choose to live in university dormitories, or they may choose to live in apartments in the community. Compare the advantages of living in university housing with the advantages of living in an apartment in the community. Where would you prefer to live?**  
  
## places to live for students

  
  
Student at university often choose to live in apartment in the community or live in university dormitories. I think both of these options have advantages, but I prefer to live in dormitory.  
  
on the one hand, living in apartment in the community also have a few benefits. you can have more privacy, you can do what you want in you apartment for example: cooking, arranging furniture or you can come home late without fear of disturbing others.  
  
on the other hand, unlike living in apartment, if you choose dormitory you have to share the room with others, your private space will be very small. Not only living in the collective but also you have to follow the rules of the dormitory for example: you must come dormitory before 11pm, do not cook, the security.  
  
however, I think there are many benefits when you choose to live in dormitory: first in the dormitory with high security, second live in dormitory is much cheaper in the apartment so you can save money, third that is the way of life and harmony in a collective. You can improve a lot of skills such as communication skills, teamwork skills, adaptive skills.  
  
overall, living in apartment in the community and dormitory in university has both advantages and disadvantages. if you like independence, freedom, you should choose in the apartment, and if you are a happy person, social and want to experience life in a collective, living in dormitory is the best choice for you. Living in the dormitory, I learn a lot that is why I prefer to stay in the dormitory.
@trongtuan441996 You have a problem when it comes to applying the rule of word capitalization in your essay. You are inconsistent when it comes to the use of capital letters. Please remember the most basic rule, The first word of every new sentence is capitalized in order to signify a new statement being made. The violation of this rule shows that you did not really pay attention to how you were writing and developing your statements. If you were practicing on a tablet or android phone, don't do that. Use a laptop or PC to practice so that you can apply the correct grammar rules to your essay.  
  
Your discussion presentation is also ill effective as it does not accurately develop a sense of information presentation in a manner that carries an acceptable comparison argument or opinion regarding the statements you are making. Therefore the essay becomes a clutter of not very well connected thoughts instead of a representation of a connected thought process.  
  
Overall, you did good work in the presentation of ideas but it may not be enough to garner you a passing score in the actual TOEFL test. It would benefit you to remember the mistakes that you made in this essay as I pointed them out and then improve upon those in your next practice tests. I hope to see improvement the that indicates you are trying your best to correct these errors.
That was my edited post, thank you for your comments  
  
**places to live for students**  
  
Students at university often choose to live [....]  
  
On the one hand, if you choose dormitory you have to share the room with others, your private space will be very small. Not only living in the collective but also you have to follow the rules of the dormitory for example: you must come dormitory before 11pm, do not cook, the security.  
  
On the other hand, unlike living in dormitory, living in apartments in the community also have a few benefits. You can have more privacy, you can do what you want in you apartment for example: cooking, arranging furniture or you can come home late without fear of disturbing others.  
  
However, I think there are many benefits when you choose to live in dormitory: first in the dormitory with high security, second live in dormitory is much cheaper in the apartment so it helps students save some money, third that is the way of life and harmony in a collective, fourth live in dormitory you can connect with your classmates. Not only improving a lot of skills such as communication skills, teamwork skills, adaptive skills but also living in a dormitory helps students to become more sociable and good team-players and gain new knowledge and experience by using libraries and group discussion.  
  
Overall, living in apartment in [....]  
Living in the dormitory, I learned a lot thing that's reason I choose to live in the dormitory
check my essay about grammar or how to use vocabulary  
  
## self-presentation essay

  
  
I have just graduated from Hue University of Education with my major is Physic Teaching. I am a curious person who have profound passion about creativity and explore new things around me. I've learned physics lessons from basic physical phenomenon such as the magnetic attraction from some metals when I was in Grade 6. This subject requires logical thinking, the capacity of collecting and analyzing phenomenon instantly and precisely. We study and acknowledge the world through phenomenal analysis skills and practical applications.  
  
In addition, Physic plays an important role in daily life. It is necessary for everyone to use it in concrete situations like knowing how to avoid electrocution because of wires which is put in the water and unsound household electrical installation. Therefore, this basic knowledge can make our life become more convenient and decrease tremendous risks.  
  
Besides, I am extremely interested in carrying out physics experiments lesson at school. We have a chance to put the theories which I've learned at school into practice. However, my school is not equipped with modern facilities to serve the experiment but I always get high score on Physics and Biology because of my profound passion and interest spent on them. I got the second runner up in the school's Biology gifted completion when I studied in Grade 10 and Grade 11. My dream job is Electronic engineering. However, my parents want me to become a teacher because it is suitable career for a girl like me.
@Tran Trinh the subject is Physics, with an S at the end, not Physic as you mistakenly spell it throughout this essay. Always write the term in capital letters because it is a proper noun, being the name of a subject in school and a field of science. Do not say "concrete" situations. Instead say "actual' situations. "Concrete" means existing in a physical form while "actual" means existing in fact or current, which is what you meant to say in that sentence.  
  
Your essay is actually very interesting to read and is understandable even though your English grammar is not perfect and there are some sentence structure errors in the narrative. I would suggest though, that you do not discuss how your parents have a different dream for your future occupation. Since you did not mention that early on in the essay, there is no sense in suddenly mentioning it at the end without any further explanation. Just like in all other essays, it is important that you do not introduce new information at the close of the presentation because you are not able to further develop an explanation or discussion for the additional information.
**the quantities of goods transported in the UK between 1974 and 2002 by four different modes of transportation**  
  
## The quantities of products shipped by road, rail, water and pipeline

  
  
The line graph demonstrates how many tonnes of goods transported in the UK over a 28-year period starting in 1974 by four different modes of transport, namely road, water, rail, and pipeline.  
  
Overall, over this span of 28 years, road was a transport that shipped the largest amount of goods. On the other hand, the quantity of goods shipped by pipeline was just one fourth compared to that of road.  
  
From 1974 to 1982, the numbers of tonnes of goods transferred by water and pipeline were both rose, but that of water grew with the higher speed. Over the next 8-year period, the quantity of products shipped by water and pipeline remained relatively constant. In the last 12-year span, tonnes of goods transported by pipeline increased slightly to more than 20 million tonnes, whereas that of water declined steadily and then rose sharply to about 60 million tonnes.  
  
The quantities of products shipped by road and rail had many fluctuations. The amount of goods which was transferred by road reached the lowest point at around 70 million tonnes in 1982 and it hit a peak at just under 100 million tonnes in 2002. on the other hand, that of rail also reached the highest point at nearly 40 million tonnes in the last year.  
  
*
Anh, the presentation has a number of minor problems that need to be addressed. For the summary overview, you need to present at least 3 sentences for that portion so you could resolve that problem by offering the data for summary, instructions for the discussion and an assumption of the trend to be discussed. The other parts of the essay are acceptable and informative.  
  
There is a part in the analysis when you said that there was a fluctuation in the graph. Since those fluctuations have an assumed numerical value in the chart, you should have noted the value and the dates of fluctuation in the paragraph. That way the analytical essay would have more accurate and informative in presentation. Use actual figures or assumed figures whenever possible. Don't say "one fourth", assume the closest figure in the graph and then say "is assumed to be..." or something similar. In relation to that, when you note a steady decline in something, mention the figure that starts the decline, then the lowest point of decline that started the upward trend thereafter.  
  
These problems do not indicate any real problems with your presentation development. These just mean that you are good at analyzing the data but can be even better. So work on the "even better" part so that you can get the best possible scoring considerations in the actual test.
**What historical event in your country has had a major effect on your country?**  
  
## Chinese Civil War influence on the Taiwanese people

  
  
Major historical events have powerful impact to people. These events change the direction of things originally might be, affecting families, causing injuries and deaths, producing happiness and sadness. To me, Chinese Civil War in 1949 had most immense affection of People in Taiwan. There are several reasons I feel this way.  
  
First, the war separated Republic of China (Taiwan) and PRC. The dispute of which country can represent "China" continued until PRC successfully replaced ROC's position in UN in 1979. Till now, the tension between two sides and the unclear status of ROC (Taiwan) trouble foreign and economic policy in Taiwan. For example, former President Ma Ying Jio had formed an economic development policy and ease tension in order to facilitate the trade exchange on both sides. However, his predecessor, President Tsai Ying Wen, tried to keep Taiwan's independence, and develop the "Southern Development Policy," which tried to reconstruct the relations with Southeast Asia countries. Politics is not always predictable, but the vague status of Taiwan worsen the situation.  
  
Second, the war kept people in PRC and Taiwan separated and leaded different life. PRC is a communism country, while Taiwan is capitalism; PRC is Autocratic, while Taiwan is democracy. Some soilders followed the KMT army flee to Taiwan in 1949, but they never thought they couldn't go back their homeland again. Most of them get married again, and raised their children like an exiled person. For example, my grandfather is one of these old soilders. When I was a kid, I often see him sit silent and look out of the window, sapping with tears. He told me he misses his family in Mainland. The war not only affect my grandfather, according to the statics from Taiwan government, there are over 5,000,000 KMT soilders moved into Taiwan because of the war.  
  
War itself is a tragedy. We are lucky persons to live in a peace time. Hope this kind of historical event would not happen once again.
Liu, this is not a bad essay. While the English is not perfect by any means, it has an interesting story to tell and is highly informative. It shows that you have a clear understanding of what the discussion given to you requires and you managed to accomplish the task in a very good manner. However, the discussion tends to be a bit repetitive as you focused too much on the politics of the separation rather than delivering a 3 pronged approach to the essay. That means, you should have chosen 3 different topics to discuss in the essay such as (in no particular order); 1 political, on social, one economic. Discussing each one in a separate paragraph would have allowed you to better explain yourself rather than the combined discussions that you did in the essay. While it did show a great deal of knowledge on your part about your chosen topic, you did not really fully thresh out, develop, and represent each discussion. All we got as readers were overviews instead of actual information. Don't just do an introduction, do a whole summarized presentation of facts as best as you can.
**Do you agree/disagree that teenagers should work part time job?**  
  
## benefits of working while studying

  
  
Working while studying may be a reluctant choice for some budget limited students. To me, on the contrary, it can not only larger people's life, but also strengthen people's personalities. My views are mainly based on several reasons below.  
  
First, people always say "knowledge is power", but we cannot learn everything in the class. When working in a coffee shop, students can be trained to be a coffee master. For example, one of my high school classmates loves surfing. He worked in a surf club on summer vacation. He was trained to be a surfing coach and got a license. Now he becomes a professional surfing athlete.  
  
Second, students can make new friends and have a little deposit through part time jobs. Friend made when working would have the same interest in one area. That is, they could be ideal partners if students want to start a business after graduation. Furthermore, the money they earned can be a foundation of their career.  
  
Consequently, the benefit of working while studying is quite obvious. Thus, I can't agree more with students should work part jobs.
@toseanliu  
hello,  
in the third para, it would be better expend with example for the last supporting sentence.  
  
and I am not sure that it is acceptable not to include concluding signal in concluding para.  
  
in addition, the last sentence in the last para is quite deviated from your discussions mentioned above; "*I cannot agree more*".  
  
it is better to avoid short form in academic writing like "can't".
Liu, it would be in your best interest to always post the complete prompt and not just the discussion question provided. That way I can accurately assess and advice you regarding the proper way to develop and improve your writing style for this particular test.  
  
Your paragraph restatement is confusing. It does not properly represent what the original prompt requirement for discussion is and the method by which it should be approached. As I read your opening statement, I found myself wondering about what you meant by "only larger people's life." Please remember that you are scored heavily on the coherence of your sentences. That means, if your writing does not make sense to the examiner, he will deduct points in your LR, C&C, and GRA scores. Based upon the work that you did in this essay, there will be a tremendous amount of points deduction in those sections for you.  
  
Your concluding statement is also incomplete. It does not accurately represent a complete paragraph that sums up the discussion. You only repeated your opinion but did not restate, in a summarized form, the discussions in relation to your restated opinion.
Hello everyone, Can you help me fit it?  
  
## Ban for promoting fast foods

  
  
A number of the population believe that the optimal solution to stop children getting fat is to cancel advertisements of fast food and other bad cuisines. In my opinion, this method is not the best way.  
  
Parents ban the advertising of unhealthy products is help their children to stop approach toxic food by visible ways. The images display very interestingly so it super attractive. Thế audios are amusing and easy to remember. The products always are brand-new, so they stimulate the appetite of kids. Charming ideas connected factors in videos or papers. Other ways of advertisement are trial foods, gifts, games which are also very powerful to put children become obesity. By stopping news we stop a lot of reasons to help children become more healthy especially remove obesity.  
  
Ban infomercial harmful products are not the best way because the main reasons are related to children metal. So mothers and fathers should teach their children what is bad from eating unhealthy foods. Children need have more activity outside for relax and explore than play games in the house because they will have a better physical to help them have positive thinking about life included their diet. Children should have less homework for they can have more time to care their metal. A family should eat together as frequently as possible. Determine what food is offered and when, and let the child decide whether and how much to eat. Mental is very important to help children avoid obesity especially overcome it.  
  
To sum up, I think that the best way to prevent obesity in children is to compile ways especially metal ways don't just only extremely focus on one participate way.  
  
Thanks,  
Minh Phuc
@minhphuccttv  
hello,  
in the first para, there should be three sentences, but in your intro, it only has two which lacks opening sentence (more generalised idea)  
  
in the second para, there is lack of linking between ideas and some sentences are hard to understand for me.  
  
the presentation in the third para become more smoth compared to the second one although linking words are absent.  
  
the last para should have two sentences.  
  
I am curious that "metal ways" and "participate way" could be used coz I really don't know those as I am still a learner.
Phuc, did you use an online translator for your essay? It sounds that bad. There is no way that the examiner can read your essay and come away with something useful and understandable from what you wrote. I think that you are transliterating the text from your mother tongue to English. This has become very clear because you keep on referring to "metal" in the written text. The term does not fit in any of the sentences and it does not make sense. Why would children have to take care of their metal? If this is the writing level of English that you have, you must delay taking the test. Your GRA score will be failing so your overall score will not pass. Do not take the test until you can at least, compose simple English sentences in the proper grammar and sentence structure format. Develop your English thinking and writing skills first. This essay is not good at all. You need to broaden your English vocabulary and you can only do that by reading in English and learning the meaning of the words, then memorizing it. Try to speak and write in English as often as you can so that you can improve in all aspects related to the test.