dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The essay is too long for a 40 minute task. You should only aim to write between 275-290 words to allow you enough time to double check your presentation for errors, and have enough time to correct these. Yes, there are errors in your essay if you bother to review it. Your aim, as an exam taker, is to make as little to no mistakes as possible so that you can get the best possible writing score. The rule of thumb is, write no more than 3-5 sentences per paragraph for maximum scoring efficiency.  
  
You have not used the original information in your presentation. You have not properly rephrased the original statement nor properly outlined your reasons for the opinion you should have presented. These are required information based on the TA rule regarding the clarity of your opinion. The addition of the reasoning topics would help the examiner get a better overview / quick understanding of your opinion that should be in the succeeding presentation paragraphs.  
  
You should have simply indicated the paraphrase as:  
  
*The teachers of today are better appreciated than their predecessors were. This is the opinion that most people have, which I also support. My agreement with this statement comes from the way that teachers are now seen as influencers and how teachers are able to shape the future of their students based on their ability to influence young minds.*  
  
Now, while the example I gave above is still not in accordance with the presentation, as I tried to base it mostly on what you wrote, which is severely lacking in appropriate discussion topics, it is a close enough version of how the paraphrase section should have been presented. Your essay does not really discuss the appreciation aspect as required by the essay. You are more of describing the modern job of a teacher and how it is done. Which is not the point of the essay. Your concluding paraphrase is also inaccurate and useless. It should be written with at least 40 words and 2-3 sentences that properly restate the topic and your discussion points.  
  
Again, the length of the essay is useless when the content and presentation shows all you can do is type in English. You have to be able to show that you understood the topic being presented through a proper discussion of your supporting reasons within 2 paragraphs.
## AGREE OR DISAGREE?

  
  
There has been a debate about teaching children to play a musical instrument in school among people. In my opinion, I strongly agree with considering this subject in every school curriculum.  
  
There are many benefits that music can bring to children's social life. Firstly, By gathering and teaching kids to use instruments and perform their favorite songs in groups, new relationships can be established among students while enjoying the class. In fact, many renowned pianists and violinists have become best friends when they found each other in music class in primary school. Secondly, due to profound meanings implied in each music masterpiece, children can gain the ability to sympathy with people's emotions. For example, many psychologic studies found children who expose music soon in their life is easier to recognize their parents upset and find a way to mitigate that feeling.  
  
Besides, playing a musical instrument can boost children's study results and future careers. While learning to perform a song, students can recover and have fun with their friends after being stressed with books, thus enhance their endurance and creativity in studying. In some researches, groups of children who can use instruments, especially ones who have their instruments at home, almost have a better score compared to ones who are not. Teachers may discover children's talent while teaching them music. Because being talented at music is usually an innate ability, the sooner the talent is unveiled, the better the future for one is.  
  
In conclusion, all children should expose to a musical instrument as soon as possible in school to build a good personality and get a better education.
Your second sentence in the paraphrased section is incomplete. The subject is missing. What do you agree with? The given statement? Then say so (I strongly agree with the given statement considering...). Otherwise, you will immediately be scored down for an incomplete sentence presentation. It will appear that there is a lack of clarity in your opinion. Your reasoning topic has something to do with the school curriculum, but you failed to properly represent that. You need to make sure that your sentences always have a clear subject, reason, and meaning when you write it. Otherwise, your presentation is just confusing to the reader and will lower your GRA score.  
  
There is also an inaccurate discussion presentation as you have included a reference to the school curriculum and learning to play a musical instrument in school where none was referred to in the original presentation. You have altered the original topic and discussion format, thus you should expect to receive appropriate percentage deductions for these errors. Educationalists are not always teachers who are teaching in school with students. However, all teachers are educationalists. This exam tested your English vocabulary knowledge and you failed because you did not know the difference between an educationalist and a teacher.  
  
Good discussion, bad conclusion. You need at least 40 words or 2 sentences in that section. Personally, I instruct my students to write at least 3-5 sentences so that there can be a clear summary representation of the topic, reasons, and your restated opinion. By doing that, you effectively wrap up the discussion of your essay with an increase scoring potential overall.  
  
At 269 words presented, you should have a better chance at getting a higher score in the end. Pay attention to the areas for improvement that I pointed out. These should help you improve in your next presentation. I look forward to reading it.
## relationships via internet are common these days

  
  
As from the Internet was invented, lots of people started using social networks such as Facebook, Twitter... every day for the sake of working or entertainment. Quite a few teenagers are interested in those apps and gradually being emotionally affected by them from the internet to reality. Hence, many young people prefer socialising online to meeting face to face one another person due to the fact that it is easy to use a social app by a laptop or a phone while we just need to sit at home and relax. However, socialising online exerts devastating effects on young people in some ways. My essay will lighten up this issue.  
  
Firstly, using those electronic devices often to chat not only causes many eyes problems such as shortsightedness but also jeopardizes the thinking abilities of people, especially young people. Researches have shown that 4 out of 10 teenagers who use phones more than 3 hours per day have a lower IQ than others. Secondly, because of the fantastic internet world without realistic actions, people can easily create a perfect image of their own to show of it on purpose, which results in the frustration of both once they met in real life. For example, a girl that wants to be more attractive can use a different profile picture for a social app just to get the attention of other boys. Sadly, when they get to meet each other, there will be a surprise or even disappointment for both which can harm the real-life relationship. Moreover, taking the advantages of the internet, some swindlers may fool the naive teenagers while chatting online to get money, private information or some terrible things such as naked or pornographic photos.  
  
Fortunately, some measures can fight back to encourage teenagers to spend more time to meet people in person. Schools and youth centres should celebrate more and more outdoor activities for students such as camping, matching couple games, extracurricular activities... which enhances the real-life relationships of teenagers. Education plays a crucial roll in the awareness of young people if teachers can explain to them the negative effects of meeting online and also encourage teenagers to participate in realistic activities.  
  
In conclusion, using socialising online too much has some disadvantages which not only harm the real-life relationship but also the health of people. However, we still have a way to fight back.
The introduction section is too long. It should only contain 2 sentences, one for a general statement in which you paraphrase the question, and one for your opinion.  
  
The conclusion should be balanced with the introduction. Your first body is not balanced too, I do not see any support from your last 2 sentences of your first body.  
  
"Sadly" --> informal! --> Use "Unfortunately"  
Do not use "..." with "such as" --> remove "..."
You cannot write 395 words within 40 minutes. You are not leaving yourself any time, if you even manage to actually write the complete essay within that time frame, for proof reading. There are obvious and uncorrected LR, grammar, and word usage problems in the presentation. These make it obvious to the examiner that you did not edit the essay for errors and content, you only wanted to write more words, hoping that you will pass because of the length, rather than the lack of errors in your presentation.  
  
Your introduction is too long and does not serve the purpose of a topic restatement with reasoning topic presentation should be no more than 5 sentences, Only sentence 3 actually applies to the discussion from the original presentation:  
  
Why do you think this is the case? What measures could be taken to encourage teenagers to spend more time meeting one another in person?  
  
The paraphrase itself lends to a different discussion from the one required. Therefore, your essay has changed the topic for discussion and as such, will receive a failing score due to a discussion that is not related to the task requirement. You failed to explain why people prefer to socialize online instead of in person. There was no requirement to discuss health hazards or other research. This is purely a personal knowledge essay discussion .  
  
Your solution recommendations are in line with the original topic. However, the lack of reasons for in-person socialization proves to be the failing aspect of your presentation. You need to learn to understand the questions first. Improve your English comprehension skills. Write simpler essays for now. Do not use the complicated task 2 discussion points. Use the simple agree or disagree essays for now. Get a feel for the discussion patterns and learn how to approach these properly. Then your score should begin to improve in the practice tests.
***Computers today can quickly and accurately translate languages, therefore, it is a waste of time to learn a foreign language.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
-------------------- My work ---------------------  
In this modern era, computers have played a leading role in providing convenience in various aspects of life. Since it is faster and more precise to translate via computer programs, learning a new language seems time-consuming to many people. From my perpective, significant as the aid of computer-based translator, acquiring a different language cannot be considered inferior due to manifold reasons.  
  
To start with, the speedy work of translating applications on phones can offer their users a range of merits, however, overshadowed by the natures of a language speaker. For instance, travellers who find it hard to learn or pronounce certain languages can resort to quick translations from apps for urgent questions about directions in case they get lost. On the other hand, while tourists using auto-translating softwares can find their ways to aspired destinations, language learners can build new relationships by having deeper conversations in a more human manner with local people. Furthermore, although massive in vocabulary storage, the mechanical voice from apps cannot convey aspects of emotions. Unlike the emotionless verbal recordings, human speech can deliver feelings and moods that add authenticity and trustworthiness to communication.  
  
Another strength of translating programs lies in their high accuracy in interpretation which, however, cannot outweigh the drawbacks it brings. It is not surprising nowadays to see more and more apps that not only offer precise translations but also pay meticulous attention to grammatical errors. Capitalizing this miraculous function, many students are able to achieve considerably high grades when dealing with writing homework. While they keep obtaining remarkable scores with hand-in assignments, they simultaneously fail to achieve the same excellence when it comes to real-time writing tests where the use of technological devices is prohibited. This way of learning is alarmingly detrimental as they may grow more and more dependent on computers, and consequently, become lazy thinkers.  
  
In conclusion, advantageous as the lingual shortcuts computers provide us, they should only be treated as assistance not replacement for conventional language acquisition. The reasons for this vary from the lack of deep messages and genuine emotions to being banned in test rooms and causing adverse impacts on students' way of learning.
... computers ~~have played~~ play a leading role in providing convenience in various aspects of to life. ... seems time-consuming ~~to many people~~. From my perspective, significant as the aid ...  
  
~~To start with,~~ the ~~speedy work~~ merits of translating ... can offer ~~their users a range of merits, however, overshadowed by~~ overshadow the natures ... For instance, travelers who find it ...  
  
... auto-translating software can find their ways to ~~aspired~~ destinations, ... Furthermore, ~~although massive in vocabulary storage,~~ the mechanical voice ... convey ~~aspects of~~ emotions.  
  
... in interpretation which~~, however,~~ cannot outweigh ... Capitalizing on this miraculous ...  
  
~~In conclusion,~~ advantageous as ... as assistance not a replacement for ...  
A bit abrupt of an ending, maybe instead of this last sentence, dedicate 2 sentences (1 for each point) to reiterate your points. You could wrap this up with an open-ended sentence that prompts your audience to think. Like.... "where translation fails to compare with speech shows what makes learning languages important"....or something like that  
  
The way I answer "to what extent" questions is to acknowledge the opposing argument first before refuting with my argument, for every body paragraph. I make it my rule to keep opposing arguments out of the topic sentences. It's up to you if you want it there, but I think it clouds your argument. I also think emphasizing where your points are with phrases like "Firstly" , "Finally", "To end, " is essay practice, because it seems that your points are so hard to find that you need to show the reader where it is.
Are you a native speaker? Because this looks very well written.  
Apart from a few omissions of prepositions that I can see, your essay is good to go. Below, I will insert brackets where corrections should be made.  
  
"[as] significant as the aid of ..."  
  
"To start with, [though] the speedy work of ... merits,[this is] however overshadowed by ..."  
  
Remove however in the opening sentence of the third paragraph.  
  
" Capitalizing [on] this miraculous function"  
  
" In conclusion, [as] advantageous as the lingual shortcuts"
You have presented an extremely long discussion that never answered the question, "To what extent do you agree or disagree?" You wrote an epic of a paper at 357 words. A number of words that cannot be written within the 40 minute time frame if you consider that you still need to proof read the essay prior to submission. Regardless of the number of words that you wrote, and the reasons you presented, since you did not respond to the question asked and, you changed the discussion topic in the process, you will not get a passing score for this essay. You failed to understand the discussion requirement and format as indicated in the prompt. You included information in your paraphrase that are not part of the original discussion, you failed to show that you understand questions when given in English. Your actual response is not related to the given discussion at all.  
  
Here is a simple comparison of the original and your response:  
  
OQ: To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
Response: From my perpective, significant as the aid of computer-based translator, acquiring a different language cannot be considered inferior due to manifold reasons.  
  
You should be able to clearly see where your mistake lies and why you changed the discussion topic of the essay right? Thus leading to an overall failing TA score. Now, add to this your LR, C&C, and other problems / errors in the presentation. All of these elements will add up to your failing overall score. You will do well to first review the work of others when it comes to addressing the Task 2 topic. You can review the presentations here. These should help you do a better job in your next practice test. As of now, this is an impossibly hopeless essay that cannot get a passing score.
## solution for the traffic jams

  
  
The best way for governments to solve the problem of traffic congestion is providing free public transport in 24 hours per day, and seven days a week. To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
  
It is argue that the multiple choice for national leaders to resolve the issue of traffic jam is allowing their inhabitants to access public transport free of charge in every time. In my opinion, I strongly disagree with this view.  
  
It is understandable why some might hold the view that free public transport could deal with the difficulties of traffic congestion. Their rationale is that when people do not have to pay to use these types of transport, they would use it more frequently and traffic congestion would no longer appear and as a consequence, this action could reduce heavy traffic in rush hours when the number of private vehicles is rising. However, I believe that this is a shortsighted view. In fact, this could lead to a shortage of public transport and buses and trains would become overcrowded. Thus, the government would have to channel their money into upgrade these means of transport, which could be a financial constraint for them because there are many sectors such as healthcare or education need this budget.  
  
In addition, I am definitely convinced that traffic jam could be resolved if the authorities can ban several types of transports such as large trucks in certain time frames. Consequently, the number of vehicles on roads would be controlled effectively, which will ease the traffic flow. Another solution might be that the government should improve road systems by building roads wider and more flyovers, which could allow more vehicles to travel and help curb traffic jams.  
  
In conclusion, there are sufficient grounds to reject the view that providing free public transport could resolve traffic jams. It is my genuine belief that a better option is to improve the road traffic.
The prompt paraphrase needs work. It is confusing to read and does not follow the original theme of the presentation. I am not sure where you got the idea that this is an argument (it is a discussion) and that there is a multiple choice of solutions (there aren't). You did get the extent response right though so, good work on that. However, your extent response is lacking. There should have been 2 topics outlined as to why you disagree with the view.  
  
In the reasoning paragraphs, the solution that you presented is out of place. That is not a discussion requirement and as such, will result in a word deduction on your part. You will only be scored for the parts that you wrote which coincide with the discussion requirements as presented. So, rather than having a score based on 285 words, you will have a score based on 209 words instead. That means, your essay is now under the word count and appropriate word percentage deductions will be applied. Needless to say, the deduction will result in an immediate failing score on your part. It will be difficult to recover from that type of penalty as you even have spelling, grammar, along with C&C errors in the presentation, that will also result in points deductions.  
  
Further review of your work shows me that you have only 1 actual reasoning discussion based on your actual opinion. The first half, is an explanation of the public point of view which is unnecessary. There should have been a 2nd related succeeding paragraph presentation to complete the 2 reasoning paragraph requirement for the extent essay. The examiner only wants to know the 2 reasons you do not support the given statement. He doesn't need you to explain the topic to him. He is already familiar with it.
***In some countries , young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finish highschool and starting University.***  
## Discuss both advantages and disadvantages.

  
  
In some countries , nowadays , young people tend to go travelling or go for a part-time job for one year instead of attending University immediately after finishing high school. I belive that it will pay divedents for them . However , it still has some drawbacks.  
  
Firstly , people who have a part time job before studying in University will have more experience than who don't. It is believed that people who has experience will perfome better in University because , in some cases , they can use their experience to prepare for subjects which they are going to take next year. For example , working at the restaurant or a hotel can give you useful practical knowledge in Hospitality subject.  
  
Moreover , some students decide to go travelling after completing their studies in highschool. They believe that going travel is the best way to relax after a long , stressful time preparing for final exam in highschool. They will feel more comfortable and less stressful. And the more you feel comfortable , the better your perfomance in University will be. They can choose to visit their relatives who live apart from them for a year. After that , they will spend a hundred percent of their mind as well as time on studying.  
  
Nevertheless, stop studying for a year can be a disadvantage and slowdonwn your studying process which will lead to late graduation. This means that students can graduate and have a full time job one year later than standard.Therefore , your goals in the future will be effected . For instance , they can waste a lot of opportunities in one year. Meanwhile , their friends are doing a good job , having more relationships and you are studying at University.  
  
In conclusion, although going travelling and having a part time job can help you to relax and earn more experience in order to prepare for your next step of studying , it will cause some disadvantages such as late graduation.