dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***People think that government should increase the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles to solve environmental problems.*  
## Give your opinion.**  
  
Nowadays, environmental issues are becoming serious and received much interest of people, a proposal is that the fuel price for every vehicle should be put up. As far as I consider, it might be a useful measure, however, there are more effective measures in particular.  
  
Firstly, a higher level of the fuel price could make the owners of vehicles carefully think about proper using cases as an emergency or there is no choice. Instead of driving their own cars, people would prefer public transports. Trains and buses would be used for daily demands at maximum, the delivery would alternate cars into trains because of cheaper freight. Thereby, the number of vehicles on the roads would reduce significantly as well as exhausting fume from vehicles would be limited. Therefore, the measure would bring an advantage to prevent the growth of the greenhouse effect.  
  
Besides, various methods could obtain effectiveness in response to the problems related to the environment. Congestion charges are a popular way and have been applied nearly entire the world but it really met our expectations. In fact, London has used money from the method in order to improve public transports, especially free buses and trains. Moreover, the government could raise point-collecting campaigns that give valuable awards to the most enthusiastic people in the environment- protecting activities as riding to the office, waking up early to take a bus, and so on. The methods could not only contribute to the environment in general but also create a good habit for everyone to have a balanced life.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that adding taxes on petrol could be a good measure but other measures could also bring a huge amount of advantages in protecting the environment.
I believe that you did not use the correct prompt for this essay. For a Task 2 test, the prompt for this topic goes like this:  
  
*Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve the growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement? What other measures do you think might be effective?*  
  
You uploaded a different prompt for your discussion, I will review the essay based upon that partially complete requirement. I will not review it based on the IELTS topic presentation because you did not indicate that this is for a Task 2 essay.  
  
What I can tell you is that your discussion presentation is not very well presented. Your opinion is clear, but your reasoning is not. This confusion boils down mostly to vocabulary choice and sentence structure issues in your essay. I believe you need to read up more on the tense usage rules, sentence formation, and vocabulary exercises. Focusing on these problem points during your lessons should help you to better develop your discussion presentations. You will learn to form clearer sentences, use proper time references, and, most specially, use the correct vocabulary in your presentations.  
  
I did not go part by part into the errors of your essay because there are too many of these to point out. However, I do not mind offering you a few examples of some errors.  
  
Grammar Errors:  
Use a comma between clauses : ...nearly the entire world, but ...  
Concise language uses creates clarity in sentence presentations: ... ~~in order~~ to improve public...  
Use a comma before the word "and" for clarity: ... especially free buses, and ...  
  
These are only a few of the existing errors in your essay. There are more to point out but you won't understand why the errors exist unless you understand the rudimentary requirements of writing in English.
## Some prefer to talk on the phone, but others prefer to text.

  
***Which manner of communication do you prefer? Use specific reasons to explain your opinion?***  
  
Without a doubt, technology massively impacts our lives. Communication has become an integral part of one's lifestyle. Some people tend to call their beloved ones, while others seek getting in touch through text messages. I personally find phone calls a better method of social interaction rather than using text messages, for the following reasons that will be demonstrated in this essay.  
  
To begin with, phone calls have various merits in favor of better communication. Concerning work field, people are usually tense and frustrated, but with the help of phone calls, this provides a great chance to get each other's point across in the middle of a conflict. In order to solve efficiently any crucial problem at work, giving a call is a step forward towards reaching an agreement between colleagues. In addition, to be able to catch on the intonation of someone, one will probably need phone calls, as people can say words that gives two different meanings which can be clarified just by their tone in speaking. For instance, if you ask a team in any company, when any clash between the team outrages? Colleagues tend to reply that texting starts off many clashes as people probably don't really get the intentions of their partners in a team right; however, phone calls can set these conflicts aside.  
  
On the other hand, text messages can drastically destroy skills needed for proper social interaction in the future. If people totally rely on communicating through messages, future generations will probably be more comfortable with minimal conversing between individuals. Not only face-to-face communication, but also phone calls may turn into rare methods for connecting with others, which in fact is quite disastrous. For example, youth face many social obstacles like having difficulty in getting along with new friends at school as they are unfamiliar with contacting people in real life. Thus, regarding all those drawbacks of text messaging, phone calls is obviously more beneficial to most individuals.  
  
To sum up, communication has a vast influence on people's way of living, interactions. Calling someone is widely preferred than text messaging due to its numerous positive effects on society. Phone calling is essential to put conflicts aside and to know the true intentions of people. On top of that, calls help youngsters know how to interact and make new friends. Therefore, phone calling is a valuable way of communicating.
This essay asks you to take the first person approach to the discussion. Your examples and opinion should be based on your personal preferences for making phone calls. It should also contain the reasons why you, as an individual and a user, do not prefer to use text messaging. Your two paragraphs should represent one personal opinion for each. Why does this essay require your personal opinion and the use of first person pronouns in the discussion? Look at the discussion requirements:  
  
**Which manner of communication do you prefer?** Use specific reasons to explain your opinion  
  
The emphasis of the discussion is on the word YOU. It indicates that the essay needs to use personal experience, personal preference, and personal explanations. All using the first person reference. Do not focus on sweeping discussions such as the workplace for this essay. Bring it closer to home since it asks for your opinion. Your reasons and opinion should be based on your experience. What makes you dislike texting? Give an example. Why do you prefer to make phone calls? Explain how this served as an advantage for you in the past. These personal references would have made the explanations stronger and more informative as you will have provided a solid foundation (personal experience), causing your discussion to make more of an impact and most likely, bring up your scoring potential.  
  
Remember, you have to choose which communication method you prefer and base your explanations on that opinion.
## How to make children learn difference between right and wrong

  
  
**Topic:** *It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?  
What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?*  
**Essay:**Essay:  
It is some time argued that whether parents should apply punishments to their offspring as a way to teach them to distinguish between right and wrong. While this could be true in a certain extent, I believe that punishment plays an important role in educating children. However, not all punishment can take positive effects.  
  
Admittedly, controlling children's behavior when they are still in young age keep them in line and avoid social evils. This is because children are vulnerable to be affected by temptation from the surroundings such as electronic games, violent-contained videos or pornographic films. Certain punishments enable children to understand what behavior is beneficial to them and hence to stay away from bad doings. This is exemplified in the study undertaken by American professors. They indicated that kids lacking the control from their parents are more likely to become crimes rather than those getting a good education. Thus, it is completely plausible for parents to carry out punishments to protect their offspring from adverse effects.  
  
However, this is not to say that all punishments are good for children. Some parents today tend to use violent actions causing serious influences on physical and mental health of children. Instead of that, parents should use minor punishments associated with valuable lessons for children. For example, some parents asked their offspring to clear their room as a way to teach them to give up untidy habits. Besides, parents could talk with their offspring and give them significant advices if the mistake caused is unimportant.  
  
After discussing all the points mentioned above, I can conclude that punishment is necessary for teaching children. Parents should have considerations to choose the best educational measure to ensure children's development in the future.
This essay will get a failing score because it did not follow the required discussion format. Based on the original prompt, the following indicators should have shown up in the response discussion:  
  
*Topic: It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age  
Reason: Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.  
Question: To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?  
Additional Instruction: What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?*  
  
If you breakdown the original presentation in the above manner, you should be able to see when you veer away from the instructions or, if you have forgotten to address certain aspects of the discussion. In your case, the following can be seen:  
  
*Topic: parents should apply punishments to their offspring (Correct)  
Reason: teach them to distinguish between right and wrong ( Correct, but lacks the use of alternative words to represent the original keywords. You used the cut and paste phrase "between right and wrong this would affect your LR and GRA score.)  
  
Response: ... true in a certain extent (Lacking an emotional response and clear opinion. What do you really believe? Pick one side)  
Additional response: not all punishment can take positive effects. (Incorrect. You failed to represent a discussion of alternative punishments for teachers and parents)*  
  
Your essay, based on your given response outline clearly failed to address the last discussion instruction in the original presentation. This led you to alter the total, overall discussion and in the process, create an essay that did not fully address the prompt. You did not represent all of the required discussion instructions so your essay is only partially relevant and correct in addressing the requirements. It may be difficult for this work to get a passing score since there are also other grammar related errors that exist in the essay, which would have further lowered the final scoring consideration.  
  
The instruction was to provide alternative punishments for parents and teachers to apply to the children. You only focused on the parent discussion. That means the essay is missing out on discussing specific, important points in the presentation. This will lead to a lower than expected TA score as well. This is an additional reason why I said it will be difficult for this essay to achieve a 5 band score.
## reasonable treatment for prisoners

  
  
Serious criminals deserve to be confined in jail for their wrongdoings, but I believe that providing education and training for prisoner is a reasonable treatment.  
  
On the one hand, imprisonment is a justifiable form of punishment for serious criminals. Firstly, serious affect the lives of innocent people; therefore, imprisonment is a way to ensure justice. In this way, incarcerating the criminals can punish criminals by depriving them of their freedom and basic rights, which leads them having to suffer because of their wrongdoing, thus warning other people against committing in society. Secondly, incarcerating the criminals can punish criminals by depriving them of their freedom and basic rights, which leads to having a criminal record, which means fewer job opportunities and social discrimination later on. Therefore, serious criminals have little chance to reintegrate in community after release and hence cannot escape the perpetual cycle of crime.  
  
However, I would argue that providing education for prisoners is of great benefit. Education and career training courses raise awareness of acceptable behaviour, which helps offenders to figure out the negative consequences that their family and victims suffer due to their mistakes, thus developing a sense of responsibility as well as equipping prisoners with employable skills. As a result, criminals can stand a higher chance of finding a suitable job when released, which allows them to be able to afford a decent life, thus being discouraged from recommitting crime. In this way, society would benefit from lower crime rate, making it reasonable to invest in education for prisoners.  
  
In conclusion, I am of the opinion that serious criminal who repeatedly re-offend must be jailed, but I believe that training courses and education certainly bring a range of benefits.
As you did not include the original discussion instruction for this essay, I will omit reviewing it based on any possible prompt discussions available. Instead, I will do a grammar review for you. Please make sure to upload a copy of the complete prompt next time. Either retype the prompt or upload a copy as an image using the image button above the text box. I will assume that you are perfecting your UK English writing style so I will be using the grammar rules specific to that English version for your grammar review.  
  
Sometimes, it is better to use a simpler word than a complicated one in a presentation. Simple references often add more clarity to the discussion presentation because it is better suited to the sentence being developed. As in the case of the following:  
  
... providing education for... - ... supplying education...  
... and social discrimination later on. - ... social discrimination later.  
  
For better developed paragraphs, you should use either a single topic sentence or 2 connected topic sentences, without the use of numerical ordinals. Use connecting sentences instead. In your first reasoning presentation, you did not fully develop the discussion for the 2 topics because of the redundant reasons you provided. Always use different but connected reasons in such presentations so that you have an opportunity to present new information and a new explanation. Avoid redundant explanations in a single paragraph.
## The position of women in society

  
  
In today's competitive era in every family, women have to stand solder to solder with men, and it is required to go on work to fulfill the daily requirements. The effects of this trend are the young one has not got enough time from parent and develop bed habits which lead them in a way of crime.it is because married women now give more time on work instead on a child. In my view at some point, this is true and I agree with the statement. In this essay, I shall give some suggestions to cope up with this situation.  
  
To begin with, the main problem is nuclear families. Because in the past people were lived in joint families and there were grandparents always there to keep watch on children but after families were separated and children get less attention from their parents as well as older people. Moreover, several decades ago only men preferred to go on work, and women always stay at home to do household chores. Due to that, they had enough time to monitored the activity of young people. That was helped to control children to do not develop any bad habit. Thus, at some point working women's culture affects the development of juveniles.  
  
However, the solution is not easy but it can work up to some level. Firstly, if possible to work part-time by anyone's mother or father than they should prefer to do that. For an instant, women go on work the same as a child goes to school. Secondly, father or mother should try to find a job which allows them to work from home it can allow then to give focus on both sides on a child and on work as well as without stopping cash flow. Moreover, if the child has any hobby then parents should engage them in that activity by providing extra class which allows parents to give extra time to work.  
  
To conclude, this essay argued that because of working women culture young people affect badly. But, there are some suggestions which can prevent this situation.  
  
*   
*ESSAY TOPIC*
As an extent essay, you have to focus your response on showcasing why the argument in support of the topic is incorrect. Your response to the question should be solidly placed on one side of the discussion, you cannot take the middle road. However, you could use an advanced discussion method to properly address each reason. For the question response, you should be using emotional terms such as strongly, fully, wholly, increasingly, emphatically, and other emotionally descriptive words in addition to your dis/agreement with the topic.  
  
From there, the reasoning paragraphs could use the following format:  
Sentence 1 : Topic  
Sentence 2: Reason this is supported by people  
Sentence 3: Reason you oppose or support the discussion point  
Sentence 4: Example to strengthen your explanation  
Sentence 5: Additional explanation in support of the example or transition sentence into the next topic  
  
By using the above format you will be able to strengthen the extent of your opinion because you can use additional emotional terms such as ; I vehemently oppose / support, I strongly urge the support / non-support, I adamantly dis/agree, to name but a few emotional phrases that you could use in this discussion that would help you better respond to the given discussion instruction. Part of the reason why you have to pick one side to support using emotional responses is because this will help the examiner assess you LR and GRA skills. Certain types of questions are used to assess specific writing skills in the exam takers. This essay question assesses these specific aspects of your writing and opinion development skills.
## discuss about a gap year between school and university

  
  
topic: Some people believe that a gap year between school and university is a good idea, while others disagree strongly. Consider both sides of this debate and present your own opinion.  
  
esssy:  
Whether to have a year to rest after high schools continues to be a controversial topic, and there are valid reasons on both sides. I will discuss it as follows.  
  
One the one hand, the supporters of a gap year before university may think that students should be given time to think in-depth about their lives through the real world. Their explanations may as follows. For one thing, it is widely agrees that a majority of youngsters have no specific idea about their future. In this case, they may get into trouble when they need to choose the majors that they will study for, which is considered to be an important decisions in people's life. However, spending time in voluntary work and other social activities may help them find their missions and the aim of university education. For another, they can broaden their horizons by experiencing different cultures, job positions, etc. by a variety of activities during the period of time.  
  
On the other hand, some parents points out the time wasting and safety issues if their children are encouraged to have a one-year free time after high schools and it might be the reasons why they are against the gap year. Evidence has shown that a large number of pupils may stay at home, playing computer games instead of stepping of their comfort zone to experience something new, which may led to the waste of their precious time in early adulthood. Furthermore, those young people who are not circumspect enough are possible to meet some problems such as robbery, drug addiction and so on, which threatens their lives.  
  
In summary, from my perspectives, even though there are some concerns about gap year, the benefits of it still outweigh the disadvantages considering the positive impacts on young people. In order to avoid the negative factors, it is better to help students foster time-management and self-protection skills.
Your discussion is good but lacking. This comparison, not A/D essay is always discussed using the 5 paragraph format. You cannot summarize the 2 points of view and then propose that as both your concluding sentence and opinion. The opinion is the 3rd paragraph within the reasoning presentation. The conclusion is a summary of the 3 discussion points and topic statement. You got confused in your presentation,which led to the formatting error. By the way, you are a single person, you have only 1 perspective. Perspectives refers to several points of view, coming from several persons. That is not the case here. Brush up on your singular and plural word form / usage. That is a clear GRA and LR error.  
  
This is an academic paper that does not require the use of word shortcuts. That means, you do not use the term "etc." in the presentation. Use a full stop instead. In terms of content, your reasoning focus so much on the examples, but not the justifications or supporting explanations for the examples. Therefore, these paragraphs will be deemed under developed and confusing in presentation. You must always provide one strong example, then use the remaining sentence allotments to help further explain why the examples support the earlier presented public opinion.