dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## donating percentage for charity

  
  
The bar graph below displays the percentage of British people donating for charity in 1990 and 2010 as they are categorized by age .  
  
Overall, it's noticeable that in most age categories, year 1990 had significant percentage in people donating than 2010. Also, year 1990 has peaked in the 36-50 age category while 2010 reached most donation percentage in the category 51-56 years old.  
  
It's noticeable that in 1990 the percentage is considerably high, especially between young adults. For example, between age of 18 to 25 it reached just above 15% compared to nearly 7% in 2010. On the other hand, in 2010 the percentage has flipped for ages 51 and more to be higher in comparison with the same category in 1990.  
  
Also in 1990, the significant majority of donation was for the people aging 35-50 years old to be nearly 43%. At the same time, the peak in 2010 was for the sake of older people that age between 51 and 65 years old  
  
*
***Hello Amal**, I have read your review in this writing. I found many improvements you need. Please, you meet my notes and deal with them.  
  
1. Be careful of picking a conjunction up. I think you make a mistake in delivering the conjunction at the first sentence. It's better you use the connector conjunction "and". Please, you double check your sentence to make sure that you write is what you mind. That really broke your sentence.  
  
2. I suggest you merge between the first and second paragraph to meet the requirement in writing a good paragraph. Keep in your mind that the good paragraph has at least three sentences. Following this, your overview is less strong to describe attractive trends in the bar chart.  
  
3. Avoid using a contraction (it's) in the formal writing. That is a minor error, but if you do more, it can reduce your score.  
  
4. Don't use the word "for example" because it seemed that you will give perception about the bar chart although it is prohibited in the writing task 1.  
  
5. Believe me that you cannot get the high score in this moment because you forgot one of the essential prompts. You are supposed to present comparisons in this writing. I only wanna remind that your job in the writing task 1 is to compare figures, not to describe separately. Make sure that your writing has had that sense.  
  
Hopefully, those can help you for finalizing this writing.*
## leaders must yield to public opinion

  
  
Some people believe that in order to be effective, political leaders must yield to public opinion and abandon principle for the sake of compromise. Others believe that the most essential quality of an effective leader is the ability to remain consistently committed to particular principles and objectives.  
  
Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.  
  
This topic raises the controversial issue of whether the most effective characteristics of political leader. Does he have to obey public opinions or to seek for specific goals and objectives. Indisputably, Obeying or yielding to public opinion gives this politician more popularity among people.  
  
Nevertheless, It may not going on the long-term goals that he seeks for. Thus, I generally disagree with the opinion that effective political leaders must yield to public opinions and would argue that he should have the ability to remain consistently to particular principles and objectives.  
  
First of all, good and effective leader have clear principle and goals. I would like to point out that having clear goals and objectives make it easy for those leaders to reach. To illustrate let us look at the example of the president of any country, he should have clear goals like providing his people with good health insurance and good education. In this circumstance, obviously that these goals are consistent to principle of making progress to his country. If he succeeded to achieve this, it would be effective. Consequently, it is pretty obvious that political effective leader have to remain consistent with objectives and goals.  
  
Furthermore, political leader who usually yields to public opinion is not good for all situation. Specially look at the area of court, if the judge is obeying and yielding to public opinions, he may have get a wrong judgment of some or particular case. Hence, all evidence above demonstrates that political leaders may yield to public opinions but not in all cases.  
  
Admittedly, yielding to public opinions gives the political leader sense of flexibility and to hear from others. This is true when it comes to general public affairs. In addition to, this affair would be useful to take general decision. However, the above statement stated in this way for yielding to public opinions is a must for political leaders is not supported or related to specific situations.  
  
In conclusion, Although an effective leader may yield to public opinions. But this is not a must and not in all situations. The good effective leader have to be consistent with principles and objectives.
**University students should have right about wheter they attend the classes or not?**  
  
## students' presence in a school

  
  
It seems to be true that higher education level is dominated by adult learners. As such, many claim that the students in university can choose to attend the classes or not because they have right to do so. Albeit the institution has their specific role regarding the student presence, I prefer to agree with this notion due to several justifications.  
  
First and and foremost, studying in university is different with studying in the school. This comparison can be seen from the curriculum they used. University's curriculum has designed to be more flexible based on each major's need. Likewise, the source of information that lecturer used is more variatif and sometimes can be found in internet. That is why, student can learn it outside the class. Hence, it proves that student can determine their presence or absentation in the class room.  
  
Another justification comes from the fact that university students tend to get involved in many different organisations in order for improving their self-development. As a result, they can not stay in the class totally. Interrestingly, there a lot of cases that someone who is seldom following the class has a high achievement too. Taking my friend, vera, as instance. She is very active in her research organisation. Thus, she rare to involve class, but she usually learn her subject outside the class or lend her friend's book. Ultimately, she has a high score in her class and being the best graduate in her major. This example has proven that absenteeism is not the only one measurement to be glorious in university. More than that, the key word is how students managing their priority.  
  
In conclusion, although a fully presence is good for student, it seems to me that it will be wrong for obligating university's student for this rule. I personally prefer to saying that they have right to consider some decision whether they attend classes or vice versa. Furthermore, students in higher education need to develope their self with enrole in several organisations.
Sriwidayani, the first problem of this essay is that you did not include the original prompt requirement in the presentation of the essay instructions. A provided title does not us what we need to know about the requirements of the topic you are being asked to discuss. It is important that you always attach the original instructions when you as us to review your essay.  
  
The second problem with your essay has a lot to do with the first problem. The opening statement must always be a proper paraphrasing of the original prompt topic and required discussion instructions, prior to the presentation of your opinion. In this instance, your paraphrasing is not clear. It does not really tell the reader what the topic is about in an understandable manner and your outline for discussion is non-existent. So when you present your opinion to the reader, the question becomes "What is this person talking about?" These problems will result in a failing task accuracy score.  
  
Your lexical resource should never include localized language such as "variatif". It is imperative that you use only accurate American or British English words (depending upon the kind of test you are taking). When you use localized (English) slang, the examiner will most likely not know what you are talking about and consider this a lexical error, which will result in deducted points based upon unfamiliarity with the English language.  
  
When you speak of your friend Vera, make sure the capitalize her name as that is a proper noun. Your last sentence is incorrect because you used the term "keyword" which means one word that delivers the meaning of a sentence. In this sentence, you required a whole phrase to describe the subject of the sentence. So you should have said "Key words" or "Key Phrase" instead.
***Hi Sriwidayan**i, I have read your writing closely. Turning to a detailed description, I have found you have needed a few improvement.  
First, if you wanna get a high score, you are supposed to show clearly what you will explain in the body paragraph. I meant you included the keywords of your perspective in your thesis statement. Avoid using layman opinion such as "this essay will review several justifications". Honestly, you got a big problem for your explanation in the first body paragraph. Yours seemed explaining a different topic. That seemed you compared between school and university curricula. Please, you focus on the topic. Make sure that what you write is what you mind. Following that, you have still made a large number of minor errors grammatically. You still get confused clearly of usage of the article. There were problems of verb agreement. Well, those are minor errors, but they can reduce your score because you do it more.  
  
For your conclusion, your statement confuses reviewers. Actually, you only need to paraphrase your thesis statement to figure out the conclusion. However, I personally think that your progress is good because you have got the basic pattern in writing the essay.  
  
I believe you can master this section on condition that you wanna practice more and more*
**Topic: Some people think that economic growth is the only way to stop the poverty and hunger. To what extent do you agree or disagree ? (write approximately 300 words)**  
  
## Solutions to curb the poverty and starvation

  
  
It is believed that only economic progress can put a stop to the poverty and hunger. From my perspective, I disagree with this point of view. As far as I am concerned, there are many factors, which are more decisive and vital than economic development, can give rise to the decrease of the poverty and hunger in a country.  
  
First of all, In order to make a country become wealthier, an out-standing education system is a key factor. As we all know, education provides people many useful skills to develop and become talented. For instance, people are taught numerous moral lessons, which deters them from committing the crimes, and therefore become good residents for the societies. Additionally, well-educated people are also equipped with specialized knowledge. With know-how they have gained, people such as workers, doctors or engineers will have abilities to work efficiently as well as make great contributions to their countries.  
  
Another criterion to curb the poverty and starvation is the authority's policies. It is inevitable that the government's decisions will have tremendous impacts on the developments of the country. The authority's orders and plans are much more important than economic progress, simply because the leaders' strategies will lay the foundations for the nation's growth. If those in control focus on solving the starvation and allocating national budgets on supporting people who from low socio-economic background, the poverty and hunger will certainly decline. It is obvious that the authority is the root of every nation. The positive contributions of the responsible leaders will, therefore, lead to the country's prosperity and set a limit on hunger and poverty rate.  
  
All in all, even though economic growth is crucial to the development of a nation, I personally think that an excellent education system and the responsible government are much more important in reducing the poverty and hunger.
Hi Linh, I think that you can easily score a 6 with this essay. I base that score upon the method by which you presented the paraphrased opening statement and the overall discussion presentation. You were able to develop acceptable discussions that, although sometimes flawed, produced some cohesive and coherent paragraphs in support of your statement. There are some notable mistakes in your evidence presentation though. One instance of faulty evidence is your use of the term "moral lesson". A moral lesson is not something that is taught in school. That lesson is learned through life experience. So a school education is not really something that should be related to such a reference. This is a minimal mistake that is made by those who are native English speakers. However, the sense of what you are trying to imply can be clearly seen so the reader was not stressed out in trying to understand what you are trying to say.  
  
Your conclusion should have been presented in individual sentence forms instead of the continuous sentence presentation seen here. Remember, you need at least 3 sentences to qualify what you have written as a complete paragraph. Minimal mark downs will be made in the scoring for these types of simple mistakes.  
  
The discussion overall is strong with some minimal faults in sentence development, evidence presentation, and grammar inaccuracies. At the same time, you have also shown marked development in your essay writing skills. So I am very proud of your accomplishments in that field. I hope to continuously monitor and see your writing improvements over the coming days. You are slowly becoming better prepared to take the test.
## social relationships issue

  
  
The advent of communication tools has turned our world into a global village, where citizens from all parts of the globe can make contacts with one another in less than no time. While the positive effects of such technological advances cannot be overlooked, they are not without their share of problems, especially in terms of social relationships. In this essay, I would like to examine the downsides of these life-changing technologies in more detail.  
  
To commence with, the most alarming issue posed by overdependence on communication gadgets is social isolation. The emergence of computers and smartphones in the modern age has enabled people to make phone calls or text messages within the matter of a second, eliminating the need to travel a long distance in order to visit friends or relatives. Convenient as this may seem, communication by such a way often loosens the strong bond between family members. Moreover, many people become so absorbed in the visual world with its many attractive features that they neglect the importance of socialising with other individuals, imprisoning themselves in the world of their own. A youngster, for example, may not be able to hang out with his peers or share the school day experience with his parents due to the enormous amount of time that he allocated to the Internet.  
  
Secondly, technological advances can wreck the nature of friendship. Since communication tools offer unlimited access to the outer world, people can easily make online friends by means of social networks such as facebook or twitter. The need to find friends in the real world which often requires time, efforts and patience will, therefore, be reduced. However, unlike friends that we make from regular contacts, visual friends are highly unreliable and thus unlikely to offer us help and comforts in times of difficulty. We cannot confide in them our secrets and expect them to share ups and downs with us. Life would become rather dull and unmotivating without someone we can count on.  
  
To sum up, although the technology proves to be advantageous in some ways, they are far from being flawless as long as social relationships are concerned. In the end, it all boils down to people's awareness to make proper use of communicative devices.
Nguyen, the ability that you showed in writing this essay will no doubt garner you the highest possible score of 7. That is because you showed a clear understanding of the prompt, provided ample examples based upon personal experience and knowledge, and limited the mistakes in your grammar structure to the most minimal of errors. There was no stress at all for the me, as the reader, as I perused your work. Your paragraphs are understandable and your effort to use complex sentences int he proper manner is evident. Good work with this essay. If you keep this kind of work consistent in all your practice tests, I do not doubt that you will pass the actual test. A word of advice though, try to make your conclusion stronger by simply wrapping up the previous details in the presentation. There is no need to hurriedly discuss other explanations or opinions that you have in the conclusion. That part is meant only to deliver a summarized discussion of your previous and important discussion points. Basically, you paraphrased the prompt at the start and then you paraphrase yourself at the end. That is how these types of essays are best written.
Hi @muathuthattuyet  
I have read your essay closely. I think it is a good essay since your writing is so flow. Moreover, you have used some specific vocabulary and still easy to understand. To make it flawless, it is important to explain your example more detail in body paragraph 1, such as what the more spesific effect by that condition.  
  
In your conclusion, it is better for including some suggestion or recomendation regarding the prompt.
**Some people believe that government funding of the arts is necessary to ensure that the arts can flourish and be available to all people. Others believe that government funding of the arts threatens the integrity of the arts.**  
  
My response:  
  
## funds for arts

  
  
This topic raises the controversial issue of whether the arts have to be governmental funded for flourishing or not to be threaten by those funds. Indisputably, arts may be oriented in some ways by governments. Nevertheless, without governmental funds to arts may disappear in many fields. Thus, I generally disagree with the opinion that governmental funding of the arts threatens the integrity of arts and would argue that they are very important to ensure the arts can flourish.  
  
First of all, arts have to be supported not only by money but also by good programs to continue and to be available for all people. I would like to point out that this is a big responsibility of the government to supervise these programs. To illustrate let us look at the example of old traditions arts of specific country. Usually like these arts is mark land for some countries. In this circumstance, obviously, It may be disappeared if there is no governmental funding source. So, governmental funding of this arts warrantee the integrity of old and new arts. Consequently, it is pretty obvious that the arts governmental funding is helping to flourish arts.  
  
Furthermore, many arts can be ignored without governmental funding. Specially, when there is no interest from a wide range of people. Some arts may flourish by other source of funding but may be oriented and available for specific people depending on the type of that funding. Personal experience has told me the funded arts are not provided to all people. Hence, all the above evidence demonstrates that governmental funding for arts will not threatens arts.  
  
Admittedly, some specific arts are funded from other sources. This is true when it comes to specific profitable arts. However, the above argument doesn't constitute a sufficient support to claim that governmental funding threatens arts.  
  
In conclusion, although governmental funding may not be enough in some arts but it will not threaten the integrity of arts. It helps the arts to flourish and be available for all people.
Elsayed, you can only get a 3 in terms of the final score for your GRE essay because of a number of reasons. For starters, your discussion development needs to be improved. There are a number of instances when your presentation is not clear and does not solidly connect with the discussion prompt. This is the result of a lack of grammar control on your part. Due to the problematic sentence developments, your essay presentation is flawed and does not accurately represent an understandable line of reasoning in your presentation. This creates vague references in the essay which makes it difficult for the reader to analyze your paragraphs. While your essay has a strong voice of conviction, you need to take your time when writing your essay so you can be sure that you do not deliver improper thoughts or under developed thoughts. You also need to make sure that each paragraph you present has a minimum of 3 sentences per paragraph in order to assure yourself that you have done your best when it comes to delivering a coherent and cohesive paragraph presentation. You have plenty of room for improvement in your essay. I am sure that these problems will be slowly addressed with your upcoming practice tests. I look forward to seeing your progress over the coming days.
*Traffic congestion is becoming a huge problem for many major cities. Suggest some measure that could be taken to reduce traffic in big cities.*  
  
Please give me some comments on my work and the band score I may achieve. Thanks a lot.  
  
## review and solution to the traffic problem

  
  
Nowadays, it is obvious that traffic jam is a regular occurrence as cities are becoming busier. In my opinion, this global issue can be tackled by improving public transport system and imposing higher tax on cars' price.  
  
Firstly, current public transportation has been failed to address the demands of cities' dwellers. When the city infrastructure was not designed to handle such excessive traffic, a better transport system would discourage people from riding their own vehicles. A complete reform in bus system, like introducing new buses with better services, comfortable seats, punctuality, bus schedule applications and opening new routes that connect outlying areas with the city center, will be a turning point in people prejudices against buses in general and therefore, attract more commuters to use public transportation. In addition, building metro system, that is capable of carrying greater number of passengers, will definitely reduce traffic burden on the roads. For example, the majority of Singaporeans are taking bus and MRT to work instead of driving cars.  
  
Another solution to the traffic problem is to increase car cost. Higher tax on car increases car price makes cars so expensive to acquire that people abandon them for other means of transport. For example, special consumption tax to go into effect in Vietnam has doubled or tripled cars' original value, making Vietnam among the highest prices for automobile globally. As a result, people are more likely to use taxi or Grab car for business or short-distance travel. In other words, cars will decline greatly in number, which allow traffic to move more easily, thus reduce pressure on traffic on narrow streets as well as in the inner city.  
  
To conclude, the measures mentioned above will play key role in alleviating traffic congestion and its aggravating effects on the cities' residents.