dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hi,  
I believe you have a wide range of knowledge about this topic or at least do careful research, no wonder you have a very informative essay as a result.  
  
For me, there are jut a few minor mistakes you should avoid next time such as singular and plural nouns. Another suggestion is to use more adjectives like harmful, contaminated, polluted in order to enhance your tones.  
  
In sum, keep up your good work!
## overwhelming stress in today's life

  
  
Our life is full of difficulties and challenges, which always make stress upon us. For students, it might be academic stress, and for adults, it would might about job. Although when having stress is not a good feeling, but because stress cannot be avoided, we have to find our own ways to deal with stress, or even get rid of it. There are some ways to deal with stress below. First, find the accounts you like to do. Everyone have hobbies, for example, some people like singing, another like reading, and the other like exercising. While you are doing the things you like, you could forget the stress temporarily and have time for relaxing. Second, find a replacement to relieve your stress. You can go boxing, imagining that the thing which make you disappoint is just in front of you, and then strike it with all your strength! Or you can just climb on a hill or a mountain, and shout out your troubles loudly. After doing this, you feel an obvious relief. Third, tell your annoyances to someone who you fully trust, it could be you families, your best friend, or even your pets. It is important to get rid of those bad emotions. The person you talk to should be patient and willingly to listen to your complaint. Last but not least, be sure to get enough sleep and relaxing. When you are under stress, you should not stay up late or put yourself to the extreme. Sufficient rest is necessary if you are in bad condition. There are still many various means to help us to deal with stress, the most important point is to find your way to fight against stress so that you can live on a challenging instead of stressful life.
Connie, the main problem that this piece of writing has is related to the format. You need to divide the presentation into paragraphs and make sure that you discuss your related topics per paragraph. By outlining the discussion in that manner, you will allow the reader to properly follow the flow of your thought and also lessen the stress on the eyes which is created by the extremely tight writing on the page.  
  
For the first paragraph, you need to develop a proper thesis statement to help introduce the reader to the discussion. Right now, there is no clear point to your writing. There are a few things that your opening statement has to clarify for the reader and that includes the following:  
  
1. What is the topic you are discussing?  
2. Why should I care about this topic?  
3. What is your opinion on the topic?  
4. How are you planning to discuss the topic?  
  
By representing a response to those questions in your opening statement, you will be able to properly develop and present a more interesting discussion of your essay topic. At the moment, this presentation is all over the place and doesn't really make a valid point that the reader might care about.
**SHOULD GOVERNMENT REGULATE THE FAST FOOD INDUSTRIES IN THE SAME WAY THAT REGULATES THE DRUG, ALCOHOL AND TOBACCO INDUSTRIES**  
  
The idea that the government should set restrict rules on fast food industries like any others such as drug, alcohol and tobacco has been controversial among people since people find out that these foods are harmful for humans. While few people find these set of rules beneficial for both individual and society others consider the idea impractical.  
  
Many hold opinion that fast foods should be regulated by government for instance, they should be restricted to be open in specific periods of time during day near schools or not to be allowed to have branches there, this led to changing of students eating habit fundamentally and they would be forced to have healthy diet.  
  
But on the other hand, too much government interference has been unpopular among people when it comes to their personal life and freedom of choice. The best approach which government are able to use is to running public health campaign explaining the danger of eating too much fast food or by TV advertisements showing long-term consequences of unhealthy diets. Despite that these solutions have some drawbacks, for instance, people could ignore the government advices or the effectiveness of such campaign is hard to measure but I think these are the steps which government are able to take to controlling eating habits.  
  
In contrast, The idea which fast food industries should be regulated by government , Could be resulted in both positive and negative effects but the disadvantage of this idea outweigh the advantages.in my view this solution is rather impractical for healthy nutritious and other solution which mentioned above should be found.
HI...when analyzing your essay, I have to say it is a nightmare for you. Despite less grammatical errors, your ability to response the prompt is far from what is expected, affecting you to have a low score in task achievement, which is the most vital one. If we look at carefully, actually this essay is an agree and disagree type. This actually asks you whether to the rule should be implemented or not, although you are still capable of explaining both positions. No mistakes you made is in the introductory paragraph as your position is clear enough. However, when it comes to the second and third body paragraph, then problems come across. The idea you should explore in the second body paragraph should be about the reason why the rules is beneficial , the explanation of what you mean and related example. Likewise, this format also should be addressed in the third body paragraph without explaining about some measures which should be taken to deal with problem. Writing this will make yours out of topic as no instruction is given in the prompt. Lastly, writing a phrase indicating a conclusion is more appropriate instead of writing (in contrast) in the last paragraph.
Hello, everyone. This is my first time to write the IELTS test.  
Can I have some feedback to this one, thank you very much.  
I know my writing is not good, but practice is make perfect.^^  
  
**Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?**  
  
## more support for train or for car industry?

  
  
Nowsday transportation also is more of important government job. So will increasing different option for government to choose which one is more necessary.  
And some of people think railways other people think is roads. Transport will bring the people convenience and effect. In my opinion is railways more important than roads, that have some reason:  
  
First of all, Recently we can see have own vehicle people more and more, when drive to work or travel is convenience but at the same time easy cause the traffic congestion. Secondly, during traffic congestion vehicle still working so emission increasing air pollution easy get people sick or feeling uncomfortable. Thirdly when thousand of cars driving will make noisy.  
  
In the other hand, The government improve the railways can enhance the people during traffic effect and at the same time reducing the traffic congestion because it is the public transport. Secondly reduce the noise and car accident happen chance, more convenience and improve quality of life for living in the side road people. Thirdly reduce air pollution and improve air quality of life also can help tourism come to your country to travel and can easy arrange their time to play.  
  
On consunded, government should spend more money on railways more than roads, because railways sell the ticket also is good way can drawback of money, and reuse the money to build up another basic construciton, improve our convenience of life and reduce air pollution, noise, traffic congestion and save money form privacy vehicle.
Halo Lin Yi, It seems that you still have a problem with grammatical understanding. Some sentences you made are difficult to understand. Prior deciding to write an IELTS essay, it will be better for you to improve your understanding on grammar.first This will not lead you to be stressful as your focus when writing is only on delivering a good idea. Although being placed as the last assessment point in IELTS band descriptor, Grammatical accuracy is an understanding which should not be overlooked as this aspect will determine the flow of your essay.
*The lives of fatally ill people should be ended  
  
Do you agree or disagree?*  
  
## **Fatally ill People's Choice**

  
  
These days, some diseases still do not have a medical cure. Patients with these diseases have two choices for their lives. Some people believe we should end the lives of fatally ill people. However, some oppose this view and think we should not end their lives. Today I will talk about why we should end the lives of fatally ill people, and my reasons are: to end suffering, to reduce the financial burden and to protect a patient's freedom of choice.  
  
Firstly, fatally ill patients are suffering in pain because of their disease, and they do not have a choice to ending (or end?) this suffering. The pain of illness generally (is generally unnecessary?) continues all the time and is cruel for the patient. Further, if a patient wants to end his/her life, we should be respectful of his/her choice because we cannot understand what he/she is feeling.  
  
Secondly, there are financial costs for families and governments. If we look at it from the government's point of view, taking care of patients is a burden. However, if a government reduces these costs, they can focus on improving other things such as health care for other people or new medical solutions for the fatally ill.Also, governments do not receive all the costs of taking care of a patient. If we look at it from the family's perspective, families should take credits if they do not have money for care as it affects the future for (for or of?) their life too.  
  
All of these points show that patients should have a choice for his or her own (is own unnecessary?) life and if the patient wants to end their life, we should have respect for their decision.  
  
The essay is for my university exam. It looks like IELTS 2. Thanks.
Without pain and suffering, there is no existence (not to mention 'no pain, no gain). Life is by design to be painful, so you may miss the point there. But you are right that for a government ill people who cannot produce anything and don't pay taxes are useless, so the sooner they are gone, the better. But think where it can lead - you may lose a leg in the future in an accident, but other than that you feel very well and want to live; still, since you cannot work, you are useless to a government, so you may expect a death panel to decide you should not live. Hopefully you like the choice of no-choice..
Question : **Nowadays, parents often let their children play a lot of with computers and tablets ini order to improve their technological skills. Do the advantages of the use of these devices from an early age outweight the disadvantages ?**  
  
## The Advantages of Technology

  
  
Answer :  
  
The advanced of technology influences children to depend on digital tools and learning previously in order to develop their capability to become technophile. Regarding to this reasons, I strongly believe that the eminence outweight the disadvantages. Analyzing about this will be written in this essay.  
  
Introducing technology from an early age on children encourage them expert to operate both software and hardware.  
A good example is shown when children master in software, they can use many application such as photoshop or coreldraw. It is useful for them to develop their ability in art, especially kids who have passion in design grafis. While when they able use hardware, it easily for these children to use many devices like printer without need a help from adult.  
  
In addition, their skillfull to surf internet will increase tremendously because they often to spend much time for computers and gadget, and common with the well known website such as nationalgeographic, historytoday, newscientist and so on. Owing to this, there are many advantages which obtained by pupil when they learn the devices of technology an early age.  
  
One might argue, this activities Will bother their school-life because they hard to manage their schedule in order to discipline. Taken an example when these kids find the new interesting application to explore, they tend to forget their homework. Particularly when their parents give a full of reliance for them to use gadget with all their rights,privileges, and responsibilities. Moreover, the effect will change their opinion that school is not compulsory anymore and they prefer to focus on digital world.  
  
Associated with this, there is a consequences affect by the sophisticated technology for children, but the benefit biggest than the drawbacks.  
  
The aforementioned evidences reveal that the initial time for pupil to learn on digital equipment stimulate their talent master on software, hardware and surfing internet better, hence the advantages outweight the demerits.
It is usefull for them to develop their ability in art, especially kids who have passion in design grafis.  
  
I had been checking in Cambridge Advanced Learner's Dictionary - 4th Edition, you shall use **graphic design**, not to utilize ~~design grafis~~.  
  
Don't forget to put on Modifier + Head in a good position.  
  
Keep your best spirit, for IELTS 7.0!  
\^o^/
Hi ... Desy,  
let me give you some suggestions,  
  
The advance~~d~~ of technology influences ...  
Regarding to ~~this~~ these reasons, ... (see spelling) the disadvantages you may need one verb again. Analyzing about this will be written in this essay.  
... age on children encourages them expert ...  
they can use many applications such as ...  
While when they are able to use hardware, it ~~easily~~ is easy for these children ...  
like printer without ~~need~~ needing a help from adult  
their skillfull to surf the Internet will increase tremendeously (see spelling) because they often ~~to~~ spend much time ~~for~~ on computers and gadget, .....  
there is ~~a~~ consequences affect by (...), but the benefits ~~biggest~~ are bigger than the drawbacks.  
... digital equipment stimulates their talent (...) and surfing the internet better, (...) outweight (you may need a verb and see spelling) the demerits.  
Hope this helps,  
keep cheers,  
  
Moh. Jawahir
Nowaday, parents often let their children play a lot with computer and tablets in order to improve their technological skills. Do the advantages of the use of these device from an early age outweight the disadvantages.  
  
The usage of technology has influenced human's life, whilst it cannot be denied that has many benefit. These day, the vicinity of parents permit their children to use technology like computer or tablets in the long-time using with the reason that will be sophisticated children about technology. According to the reason, I tend to think that it may have a profits of their children, but the usage it should be cared by parents.  
  
First of all, The technology help to accelerate learning process for children. Indirectly, they will be easier to access the information relating their study which might help in their work as a student later. A good case in the recently years, the parents wish that children should be able to independent study, due to the majority of parents will be busy by their work in the work place. Therefore, the presence of computer completed by cutting-edge application providing study-online through the application such as educational web, Skype as well as the others. However, avoiding the appropriation of computer, the parent role is a very profound necessary, since parent should control tablet use of their children. Hence, children are able to use wisely and obtain a lot of feedback from it.  
  
Secondly, giving the chance to children to explore knowledge through available computer. Generally, in the childhood, they want to looking for new experience which is not knew by them. As a result, through utilizing of the gadget, they can build a new idea and experience only a click button's gadget. To show an example, Nowadays, many children have predominant pretension about outside of the world such the space, animal and plant world, whereas their parent do not understand about it. Hence, the vicinity of parents use tablet or computer to teach about it, commonly they utilize computer's application like You Tube, Google and the others providing videos and visual-graphics. As a result, many children prefer and more spirit to study.  
  
Ultimately, the utilizing of computer have an tremendous profit of the growth of children's knowledge that will be master about technology and science. Furthermore, parent play a part of gadget use, as a result they can avoid an appropriation of computer.
Hi ... Yokii ...  
let me give you some suggestions,  
  
... that has many benefits. These days, the vicinity of parents permits their children to use  
... that it may have ~~a~~ profits of (...) the usage of it should be ...  
The technology helps to accelerate learning ...  
... the information relating to their study which ...  
A good case in the recently years, the parents wish that ..., (you may lack an ordinary verb) ~~due to~~ (it needs because or etc) the majority of parents ...  
the presence of computer is completed by ...  
giving the chance to children to explore knowledge ... (you may lack one verb)  
hey want to ~~looking~~ look for new experience which is not ~~knew~~ known by them  
whereas their parents do not understand about it.  
the vicinity of parents uses tablet or computer (...) and the others ~~providing~~ provide videos ...  
Ultimately, the utilizing of computer ~~have~~ has ~~an~~ a tremendous profit of (...) knowledge that will ~~be~~ master ~~about~~ in technology and science. Furthermore, parents play a part ...  
Hope this helps,  
keep cheers,  
  
Moh. Jawahir
## IT era and kids

  
  
Technology has become an integral part of human life. Gadget can improve skill of children in the IT sector and support when they learn in the school because accessed easily. It agreed that if parent give the gadget to the children in early aged, this occurs because of specific reason.  
  
Children can use IT access every information with internet connection. There are many applications, the greatest example such as microsoft power point, excel, word, and others which can support their study when they have homework from the teacher. While more active and efficient. The other example are auto cad, corel draw, photoshop, and other application which can help in the art sector. In these days there are many competitions related to design using the application, children who using computer or laptop in early aged, it are more smart and professional in the IT.  
  
There are many informations can use to support when they study in the school. A good example is e-book, in the modern era it is more popular and overwhelming majority of children are more likely to use it, because it is accessed everytime and everywhere. The contents usually is more complete and the cost is more likely cheapest. The subjects such as physics, mathematics, biology, chemistry, and others can download in the computer or tablet.  
  
The aforementioned evidences related to this that using the electronic stuff such as computer, laptop, and tablet in the early aged can improve talent of children in IT sector. It is because more effective and efficient.
Hi... Ita Septiyani  
  
the school because accessed easily please see the pattern of sentence  
Children can use IT to access every ...  
While more active and efficient.(see panctuation) The other examples are auto cad, ...  
children ~~who~~ using computer or (...), it ~~are~~ more smart ...  
There are many informations = this is uncountable noun can use to support ...  
The contents usually ~~is~~ are more  
The subjects such as physics, (...) can download (it will be better to use passive voice to suit with your meaning) in the computer or tablet.  
It is because of more effective and efficient.  
hope this helps,  
keep cheers,  
  
Moh. Jawahir
Halo, Miss Ita!  
  
... or laptop in early aged, it are **more smart and professional** in the IT.  
  
Please pay attention in bold words, you would like to remember that smart has 1 syllabel and professional has 3 syllable.  
  
I think enough from me, because Mr. Jawahir had been giving you more correction in your essay.  
  
Keep your best spirit, get IELTS band score 7.0!  
\^o^/  
Best regards,  
  
Tri Lestari P.
## gadgets impact for communication skills on children

  
  
Nowadays, parents often let their children play a lot with computers and tablets in order to improve their technological skills. Do the advantages of the use of these devices from early age outweigh the disadvantage?  
  
In this modern era, sophisticated technology become the primary necessity for some people. A plenty of parents allow their children to spend more time in front of laptop and smartphonein tend to increase their technological skills. It is believed that this circumstance brings more drawbacks than the benefits. Analyzing the reason why it brings more disadvantages than advantages will be written in this essay.  
  
First of all, youngsters who use gadget in their leisure time will become more individual. They will prefer to stay in their room with gadget rather than having communication with other people. A prominent example relating to this case is when their friends come to their home after school, they will more focuss on their tablet than playing with them. This condition is occurred because in their point of view, playing with tablet is more joyful and more entertaining than their classmates.  
  
Moreover, spending a lot of time in front of computer makes children ignoring the situation around them. For example, when their parents are busy to prepare breakfast and dinner, these children will not help them because these kids just focuss on their computer or smartphones. Because of they get accustomed to play with electronic media, they become a gadget addict and it makes they do not have any respect to the others.  
  
Based on aforementioned points, make children less social with their friends and ignore the condition around them are the drawbacks of spending much time in front of electronic media. It means that the advantages outweigh the advantages.
A prominent example relating to this case is when their friends come to their home after school, they will more ~~focuss~~ on their tablet than playing with them.  
  
For example, when their parents are busy to prepare breakfast and dinner, these children will not help them because these kids just ~~focuss~~ on their computer or smartphones.  
  
I found two words "focuss" that it should be writing with "focus".  
I was checking in Cambridge Advanced Learner's Dictionary - 4th Edition.