dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers, or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
The media report and show much news about people who appear in the visual screen, like actors, singers, and footballers. As a result, mass media fulfill with their news. Even, it is good or bad. I tend to agree that media also should inform about common people's life that sometimes inspire and affect the others' life.  
  
People, news watchers, or TV audiences may do not know who has won gold medal in mathematics olympiad in overseas, if media never report it. That is why I think media should record the news about ordinary people, because they are more important as well as celebrities. Many ordinary people are inspirational persons. For instance, a girl who comes from poor family has gotten full scholarship in abroad. When media show this news to public, it will inspire many young people for struggling to get scholarship. In fact, it really has happened in my country. It has resulted that many fresh graduates are getting confident for hunting scholarship in overseas too. It can be seen that media affect the life of some people through the good news from common persons.  
  
Even though, media also still provide the news about famous persons who always perform in TV. Because audiences will always be waiting for their idol, in which they are actors, singers, or footballers. People will not get boring when they notice their idol's news. Even it had repeated many times or had shown for a long time. For example, Raffi Ahmad and Nagita Slavina's wedding had showed for 2 days in several hours a day. Some people say that it was not important to watch and to display in TV, but the rating and share rose and hit other TV shows. Therefore, media have prove their affection how people are getting happy by just watching their favorite celebrities on TV and media will get many benefits from this case.  
  
To sum up, media can spend more time to report celebrities' lives, but they also should provide much news about ordinary people's lives. Since, ordinary people frequently give inspiration for people's life and it can change how people stand out. Good news from ordinary people can balance the negative issue from celebrities. Media can do the way. 364w
Hi Anna. here are my suggestions for your essay  
  
... news about people who **have appeared**~~appear in~~**on** the visual screen, ...  
1. use simple perfect --> who have appeared  
2. proposition for appear + on  
  
As a result, mass media ~~fulfill~~**fulfil** with their news.  
... people's life that sometimes ~~inspire~~**inspires** and affect the others' life.  
  
... Nagita Slavina's wedding had ~~showed~~**shown** for 2 days in ...  
Therefore, media have ~~prove~~**proved** their affection how people ...
The line chart gives the percentage of new graduates who found jobs as teachers of English and French each year from 2001 to 2007. Overall, it can be seen that French teachers were more hired in Ontario than were English teachers although English teachers in 2001 were more than other language teachers at the same period.  
  
At the beginning of period, teachers of both languages had approximately a 70% success rate in finding jobs. However, the next two years saw a slight decrease in French teachers at about 55 percent, and then increased by almost 70 percent, compared to English teachers which went down sharply by 30% to 40%.  
  
2003 to 2005 experienced a stable rise in both French language teachers and English language teachers, from 68 to 70 percent and from 40 to 43 percent respectively. However, in the following year of graduation witnessed a significant difference between French teachers and English teachers who were hired. French teachers of 2007 were more finding jobs at over 70%, compared to English teachers which dropped sharply to below 30% in the same year.  
  
**(182 words)**  
  
*   
*student book 5-6 unit 3 writing 1*
Hi Ilham,  
  
Here's my analysis towards your report summary of IELTS task 1.  
  
1st paragraph:  
- The line ~~chart~~graph~~gives~~reveals/depicts/illustrates("gives" is okay, but the word level is too low. My alternative words would increase your band score in lexical resource part) the percentage of (...) English and French ~~each year~~ from 2001 to 2007 in Ontario .  
  
- Overall, it can be seen that the proportion of French teachers were ~~more hired~~higher~~in Ontario~~ than ~~were~~ English teachers. (stop here, new sentence)  
  
- However,~~although~~the percentage of English teachers ~~in 2001~~ were ~~more than other language~~surpassed French teachers ~~at the same~~in the end of the period. (be careful, mentioning a specific data *(year)* in the overview paragraph would not increase your band score to 6 or above)  
  
Your last paragraph is okay, but your second paragraph experience a problem with sentence structure. You need to remember that you need to write at least 3 sentences for each paragraph of your essay. The idea is to have you deliver a complete understanding of the graph you are given. By limiting yourself to only 2 sentences per paragraph, the examiner would not consider it as acceptable and therefore, your band score cannot reach 6 or above. I hope you can learn something and create a better essay in the next practice. Good luck :)
**The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree**  
  
Prominent people such as actors, singers or footballers are more prestige to become news objects than an ordinary person for the journalists. I tend to disagree with these notions. Whereas, celebrities are more important, but unwell-known citizens must be attention by media.  
  
The lives of inhabitants should not be ignored by news hunter. It is because information about the condition of them will become a picture of community of citizens in a nation, and it will make other people know what problem that they have, and also what solution that able to give for them. For example, the improvement of quality life of inhabitants in Flores, Indonesia after media reported about clean water issue in that place. As a result, many donors help to build water transport system in Flores. Although, this information is important to know people conditions in other places, but celebrities news are more essential.  
  
Celebrity life is attractive news for citizens. Artists, singers, and football players are public figures for society.Thus, it more crucial to update about their recent information. It is because all of people know about them, and ordinary people also put their attention to those well-known persons. Taking Raffi Ahmad who an Indonesia artist as an example. The television program about his household and daily live has highest rating of viewer than other television shows. This is a proof that media and also viewer put much their attention to his live.  
  
To sum up, media never ignore information of famous celebrities like actors, singer, or footballers. I believe, news about them more fascinating than about ordinary people lives although it also important to report news about common inhabitants.
Hi Beauty17. Here are my suggestions for you  
  
I hope it can be helpful for you  
  
1. more prestige to become news ~~objects~~headline than an ordinary person ~~for the journalists~~  
  
2. ~~with these notions~~ this notion.  
  
3.  
  
Whereas, celebrities are more  
whereas is used to give a contrast information.  
  
Here is the explanation from CALD:  
  
compared with the fact that; but  
Example: He must be about sixty, whereas his wife looks about thirty.  
You eat a massive plate of food for lunch, whereas I have just a sandwich.  
  
4. many donors ~~help~~helped to build water transport  
  
5. to those well-known ~~persons~~people  
  
6. in other places, but celebrities news are more essential. actually, I think that your explanation in your first body is very strong. you provided the strong reason but you didn't provide the stronger reason in your second body paragraph. I suggest you making your reason in your second body paragraph stronger than the first one.  
  
To sum up, media never ignore information [...] news about common inhabitants.  
you can emphasize it from you main idea from each paragraph. It seems that your conclusion is not strong enough. and make sure that the conclusion has the same meaning as same as your overview.  
  
hope it can be helpful for you.  
Goodluck. :)
Write about the following topic:  
  
**Modern form of communication such as email and messaging have reduced the amount of time people spend seeing their friends. This has had a negative effect on their social lives:**  
  
Our social lives have changed since since electronic email and messaging have appear. However, it is not at all certain that our social lives are worse at the result. In many ways, they are better.  
  
In the past, people communicated with phone and letters us to see and meet our friends when we have time. Due to the busy life, often we did not have any occasion to have directly communication with our friends or relatives who stay away for months or years. As a consequence our relationship suffered.  
  
Nowadays, thank to the modern technologies we can contact with other people for work and daily activities through social websites and messages without get out. As a result, our social relationships are much better. For example, in my case, I and my closest friend stay in two different city far away from each other. By chatting on computer, we can know what she is thinking and how her life is going. In the past, this is impossible , as the result our friendship may be further.  
  
In conclusion, I disagree with the statement in the question and believe that modern communications have greatly improved people's social lives.
Hello Huynh Anh! I will give you some opinions about your essay.  
  
Firstly, you have to write your essay in 250 words, but you only have 196 words. So, keep writing :)  
  
Introduction:  
(1) Our social lives have changed ~~since~~ since *electronic email* and messaging have appear.  
*... changed since the **electronic mail** and messanger are already known*  
(2) However, **in my opinion,** it is not at all *certain***correct** that our social lives are **getting** worse ~~at~~**as** the result. In many ways, they are **precisely getting** better.  
  
*(certain means having no doubt or knowing exactly that something is true, or known to be true, correct, exact or effective)*  
  
Body 1:  
(1) In the past, people **used to** communicat~~ed~~~~with~~**by or via** phone and **sending us** letters ~~us~~ to **make an appointment to** see and meet our friends when we have **much** time.  
  
(2) Due to the busy life, ~~often~~ we **often** did not have (...) friends or relatives who *stay away* for *months or years*. --> *(stay for a miles away)*  
  
(3) As a consequence our relationship ~~suffered~~ . *have an impact*  
*(Give the real example and the result for the reason)*  
  
Body 2: There are no paragraph connector, such as 'on the other hand' or 'however'  
(4) Nowadays, thank to the modern technologies ...  
*On the other hand, there are some advantages from the emergence of technology, such as people enable to contact another easily by using social websites and people do not have to go out to call another by using public telephone*  
  
(5) ~~I and my closest friend~~**My closest friend and I** stay in two different ~~city~~**cities which seperate** far away ...  
(6) In the past, this ~~is~~**was** impossible , as the result our friendship may be ~~further~~**get better**. *(You have mentioned this sentence three times)*  
  
Conclusion: Poor conclusion. Try to paraphrase your idea :)
It is generally believe that advertisement has great influence in buyers' preferences. This has affected them to purchase many items that they are not really need. I personally agree with the initial statement because the advertisements are designed in very attractive form, and those present many advantages of the products.  
  
We can find many advertisements of a product or a service wherever: in the Internet, streets, televisions, and newspapers. One of the most common is the electronic advertisements showed in televisions. In Indonesia, Indomie, a noodle product advertising in tv has become very popular. It is due to the fact that it serves attractive and persuasive videos in their advertisement. Ordinary people are likely to choose this product than others which are not advertised well.  
  
Advertisements have also succeeded to changes what people want to buy indeed. This usually happens when some go to a super market to buy their monthly needs. They may purchase extra items which are not includes in the list just because those get big sales or due to the promised advantages from such unnecessary products. Despite the negative effects of the advertising products, many of them may help consumers to be easy to find out such new products they are looking for.  
  
In conclusion, the power of advertising can make a product very popular, and it can encourage buyers to waste extra budget to get such attractive products. However, it depends on the consumers their selves so that every of them should be wise to spend their money on what they need and not just what they want.
Hi ekalamarsyari11. Here are my suggestions for you. I hope it can be useful for you.  
  
It is generally believed  
they ~~are~~do not really need  
super market  
It should be -> supermarket  
  
... items which are not includes in the  
It should be -> which are not included  
  
advertisement has great influence in buyers' preferences  
the proper preposition for influence is "on". you can check it from CALD.  
  
in televisions  
the most usual preposition to use with television is on :  
Don't say 'in/at television', you can say "on television"  
  
Indomie, a noodle product ...  
for comma appositive, do not forget to close your additional information with comma.  
it should be: Indomie, a noodle product advertising on tv(,) has become  
  
Ordinary people are likely  
I think it would be better if you change to this.  
because of fascinating commercial, ordinary people tend to choose the product than the .... (it will emphasize the meaning of the sentence)  
  
Suggestion:  
you can change some words to avoid any repetitive sentence such as advertisement, product, etc.  
  
I hope it can be valuable for you.  
Goodluck :)
Lexicographer job is to write the words in a dictionary. Assignment to determine words are others too. Language is one part important of communicative. A group of people who decided to understand each other. Sometimes people do not have a reason to determine good and bad word. Sometimes people speak for grammar.  
  
There are two types of grammar. There are already permanent grammar in the brain. And the person who is the native speaker or speakers who are proficient.  
  
There are several ways to make a word in the English language. The first is to intergrated the two words commonly called combination. Furthermore, combining the words but there are some missing or commonly known shorten words.For example, "brunch" is an a bland of "breakfast" and "lunch". There are also other ways of making words by changing the function commonly called panning function. Another way to eliminate its extension and shortened slightly. The latter is, shorten the word by taking the words at the beginning in order to become a new word.  
  
Everyone should make the words for this opportunity to express and convey messages and also as communication.
Hello Att98! I will give you some opinions about your summary.  
  
Paragraph 1:  
  
*Lexicographer is a job which to write a list of words in a dictionary, also to determine the word*  
Language is one ~~part~~ important **part** of ~~communicative~~**communication, which** A group of people ~~who~~ decided to ...  
... a reason to determine **a** good and **a** bad word.  
  
Paragraph 2: Too short, try to make a better paragraph  
  
*There are two types of grammar which usually people do. Firstly, the grammar is already on their head which actually come from their brain. Secondly, the grammar comes from the native speaker who are already proficient with the word*  
  
*(You have to search in Google about FANBOY which cannot put it in the first sentence)*  
  
Paragraph 3:  
  
... the two words **which** commonly called **as** combination.  
Furthermore, ~~combining~~**the combination of** the words but there ...  
*Furthermore, the combination of the words has its drawback which is always some missing words or shorten words*  
There are also **the** other ways of (...) the function **which** commonly called panning function.  
  
Paragraph 4: Too short, take a brief conclusion to make it longer.
***The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?***  
  
Up to the present time, most of media prefer preaching well-known people such as actors and sports players. Although some people argue media should pay more attention to report common people, I am more likely to against this notion because celebrities are more interesting than are ordinary people.  
  
There is no doubt the news about celebrities entertains more than people in common. It is because the famous has a unique sense which makes watchers more comfortable. Taking an example, Rafii Ahmad, one of the famous presenters in Indonesia, has more views compared to others. Most of television channels in Indonesia broadcasted his daily activities. As a result, over 3 million viewers watch this every single cast, according to survey. In short, owing to more entertainment, well-known persons should be reported.  
  
In addition, another main reason why media has to prefer reporting celebrities is the famous such as footballers can be a role model for followers to be success as well. It is because media can facilitate celebrity-lovers to be as what they want. For instance, a football-lover has to watch more superstars in football. Thus, he or she can easily imitate how footballers practice more and how to be a successful player. Admittedly, people can be influenced by well-known individuals owing to media.  
  
To sum up, compared to reporting the lives of ordinary persons, the news of how to actors, singers, and sports players live and be success is far more fascinating to be known. However I suggest that people should also consider which one is good for them.  
  
**(259 words)**
Hello  
  
There are a few stylistic mishaps in your text. It will sound much better if you apply the following adjustments to it:  
  
~~Up to the present time~~ [...] *Nowadays.*..  
media ~~prefer preaching~~ [...] *tend to praise*...  
~~report~~ [...] no need for this word.  
~~I am more likely to against this notion~~ [...] *I do not quite agree..*.  
~~entertains more than people in common~~ [...] this part doesn't make much sense.  
~~It is because~~ [...] *The reason for this is that*...  
~~has~~ [...] *have*...  
a unique sense [...] sense of what?  
Most ~~of~~ television...  
owing ~~to more entertainment,~~ [...]*to the considerations of enterntainment..*.  
another ~~main~~ reason...  
media ~~has to~~*should* prefer...  
is *that**famous individuals can be role models...*  
~~It is because~~ [...] it's better to remove this sentence... it's redundant and poorly constructed.  
  
The rest seems Ok more or less. I hope this will help. Regards.
**Writing Task 1 - Percentage of first-year teachers with regular teaching jobs by year of graduation**  
  
The graph shows the information about the percentage of english and french first-year teacher from 2001 to 2007 based on graduation year in Ontario. Overall, it can be see that there was a gradual downward trend in the percentage of english teachers, but the number of french teachers increased slightly. And then, the percentage of french teachers dominates over a six-year period.  
  
According to the graph, there was a dramatic fall in the wide range of english teachers, while plenty of french teachers went up and down between 2001 and 2003.  
  
From 2003 to 2005, english and french teachers have same graphic, there were a gradual rise from 40 percent to 45 percent and 68 percent to 70 percent in english and french teachers respectively.  
  
2005 saw an extreme fall in the number of english teachers, whereas the number of french teachers fluctuated. In 2007, plenty of english teachers hit a high point at 74 percent.  
  
*   
*Question*
Hi Mardian,  
  
Here's my analysis towards your report summary of IELTS task 1. I hope this would be helpful.  
  
... about the percentage of ~~english and french~~English and French first-year teachers from 2001 to 2007...  
... trend in the percentage of ~~english~~English teachers, but the number of ~~french~~French teachers increased slightly.  
~~And then~~Then, the percentage of ~~french teachers dominates~~French teachers (...) dominated the trend~~over a six-year~~in the end of the period.  
  
As you can see, your essay suffered from punctuation and capitalization problems. It might look simple but punctuation and capitalization also one of the essential criteria in IELTS band descriptors from IELTS.org. I hope you can learn from your mistake and compose a better essay next time. Good luck :)
***The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They shoud spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead.***  
  
Nowadays, media give so much attention to celebrities, such as their lives or relationships. Some people argue, the media should report more about ordinary people lives than celebrities. I tend to disagree with the second statement since I think both of them are important, but celebrities are more important.  
  
Ordinary people lives are common things. They talk about surrounding such as people activity, occupation, or crime that happens in society. Media should show this news, so people can know about what have happened in their local area. As in rush-hours, people will busy with their work or their family, a TV program that shows ordinary people will help people them so much to know a particular thing in their area.  
  
However, celebrities' news are more important. Actors, singer, or footballers are as example of famous person. Their lives were usually reported as an extraordinary thing. It is true since they have unusual live. Only certain people can be like them. Taking a footballer as an example, so many people can play football in this world but not many of them can survive and be the professional one. so many things that we can learn from them such as hard-working, never give up, or polite. Something that really hard to do, but they can do it. It is not easy to tackle obstacle than reach their dream. That is why we have to learn from them and media should be pay more attention for them.  
  
To sum up, I believe that both of news are necessary for people but I think celebrities news more important than ordinary people. Due to they have unusual life that make us inspired.