dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Internet or printed news?

  
  
**Some people think that in the future, printed newspaper will still be the most important source of news. However, others think that news provided on the Internet will play the most important role. Discuss both views and give your opinions.**  
  
These days, opinions differ as to whether Internet or printed news will be the most crucial source of news. Some people believe printed format will retain its significance, while others think it will gradually be replaced by online news. From my standpoint, I tend to agree with the latter.  
  
It is understandable why people believe in the importance of printed format. The publishing industry has existed for hundreds of years employing millions of personnels all around the world. It is often depicted as "too big to fall" as the failure of such may leave some detrimental effects on any national economy. Besides, reading daily newspaper has so long been established as a die-hard habit for some. Such people adhere to the traditional form of news as they gain the distinctive joice flipping through the pages.  
  
However, I strongly believe it's the online news that makes the future of journalism. The speed of Internet is undeniably faster than ever before, facilitating live-stream coverage of sport events and music concerts. Moreover, the online multimedia platform equips journalists with ample ways to report news such as: infographics, animated videos or interactive discussion. Those creative methods can never be feasible on a printed format. Another reason to reinforce to the growth of online news is our over-reliant on the Internet. It is not an exxageration to say that we have been so inexorably linked to the Internet that it is hard to live without it. Online articles, news that spread through various platform of the Internet, will surely benefit from this trend.  
  
In conclusion, although there are evidences to suggest traditional newspaper is still favoured, I strongly believe online format will be the most important source of news in the future.
Hi Paul, here is my comment:  
1. ... to whether *the* Internet.  
2. ... believe *the* printed format  
3. ... reading daily newspaper => a daily newspaper/ daily newspapers  
4. ... of *the* Internet  
5. ... can never be feasible on in  
6. ... not an *exaggeration*  
  
Overall, I think this is a nice piece of writing with a good flow of ideas. However, there are still some minor mistakes about the article.
Phuong, your response automatically failed the Task Accuracy considerations. That means your essay is not properly addressing the prompt discussion requirements. What are the requirements for this discussion? Let's have a look shall we?  
  
*Discussion Instruction: Discuss both views and give your opinions.  
Response Action: I tend to agree with the latter.*  
  
Why are you agreeing with an opinion when the instruction is asking you to do a comparison discussion with a personal point of view presentation? This is an error in judgement on your part which will easily result in a failing score because your TA does not respond to the task you are given. This is an essay that is approached in the following format:  
  
1. Opening paraphrase - You did a good job with this part. Acceptable sentence structure and a clear representation of the discussion topic helped to make that presentation worthy if an average score. However, the wrong discussion instruction restatement was so severe that it created a prompt deviation that would lead to a failing score overall in the actual test.  
  
2. Public POV 1 - Not represented  
3. Public POV 2 - Not represented  
4. Personal POV - Represented but with a different response than what is expected.  
  
For your response sentence, all you had to say was; *"I shall offer an analysis of the 2 public points of view in a comparison manner and then discuss my opinion regarding the same topic."*  
  
The mistake you made is precisely why an exam taker is advised to not offer a clear opinion or response in the prompt paraphrase. It would have been better to simply restate the original prompt based on the actual presentation and then saved the discussion points for the 3 body paragraphs. That way, you would have had an opportunity to double check whether your response is correct or not.  
  
Here is an important piece of advice. As you write your essay, always refer back to the discussion instructions of the original prompt. Check off the required discussion points to be sure that you have represented the required discussion paragraphs and, most importantly, that you are still discussing the essay based on the original requirements. Students who fail to double check the prompt against their essay draft more often than not make the same mistake that you made in the discussion of this essay.
## CARING FOR CHILDREN requires proper education

  
  
*Caring for children is probably the most important job in any society. Because of this, all mothers and fathers should be required to take a course that prepares them to be good parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?*  
  
My essay :  
Nowadays, many people think that all the parents need to learn how to be skillful in looking after their children by going to a class. While i agree with people idea, i still argue that some parents do not have to take a course.  
  
On the one hand, learning how to be professional in caring kids by going to a class has some indisputable benefits. The reason is because some course have a good reputation so parents do not have to afraid of going to a "fake",unqualified class. Secondly, because of their famousity, they hardly deceive the parents and they will teach their best way to enhance their experience. Take my mom as an example. She is a shining example for other mother now because of going to a course which have great status. As a result, her son becomes a model citizen and ready to develop his country :). ( it bullsh :) )  
  
On the other hand, taking courses is not the smart choice for some parents. In fact, there are some parents that have a talent in teaching their children or from their grandparents. Therefore, if they have to learn more about those information, it is really time,money-consuming for the parents. Consequently, they can not do other works like making money or doing chores just because of going class. Thus, if they do not have enough budget, they hardly to buy many facilities for babies like milk,toys, or even baby carriage.  
  
In conclusion, going to a class has some advantages for the parents. However, it is not suitable for all the parents who are not wealthy or having enough money to adapt buying stuff. ( Hope u guys like my essay, im new btw :) )
Hi Tung, here is my comment:  
1. skil~~l~~ful  
2. ... of their famousity => *famous* only  
3. shining example for other mothers  
4. a course which has  
5. just because of going to class  
6. they hardly to buy => I think you should rewrite it as: They can hardly buy...  
7. to adapt to buying stuff (stuff is also informal in IETLS writing)  
  
Overall, I think that you had some ideas but you didn't fully express and develop them enough, you also didn't use a wide range vocabluary and stuctures. Still, nice job.
Hi Tung, it's nice to see you make the first attempt to post your essay here. In my opinion, however, it is not a well-written essay, i'm afraid.  
  
1. Task response: You did not address the question fully: Do you agree or disagree? My advice is that in this type of essay. You can write I'm totally agree with the idea in the Introduction then the two following paragraphs below can be used to present the reasons for your support. This will help you think straight and avoid presenting a weak argument like in the first paragraph of the body.  
  
2. Lexical resource: Try to widen your vocabulary a little bit more. There is no such word as "famousity", instead you can use reputation or renowned.  
  
3. Cohesion: I can see you use some linking devices so it is the bright point of the essay.  
  
4. Grammar: You mostly use simple sentences, please try to use complex sentence with relative clauses and combine vocabulary as well and you will be fine  
  
For example, if I may, I will reproduce one of your arguments as below:  
  
*Despite its necessity, coercing young parents into a training course can impose more economic burdens in their shoulder. In a developing country like ours, some family can barely feed their hungry children. A course, therefore, no matter how useful it will be, is not feasible for them. Moreover, taking part in a mandatory training also take away their working or leisure time after work. This is counter-effective as they will enter the class with a tired mind and fatigued body making it difficult to absorb whatever taught in the class.*  
  
This is just my suggestion only. You can based on it to create a more well-developed essay.  
Have fun studying!
Hi TungfromVN, hope that I can help  
  
So I guess you are taking the balancing approach. It is something that I barely to handle so most of the time I will just stick with either side.  
  
I guess maybe you can focus on telling reader how good it is to take the course, as from your paragraph it sounds to me that you put some irrelevant information (e.g. the reputation and famousity of the courses, fake courses, etc) in there. If the topic sentence of your 2nd paragraph is to tell reader the advantage(s) of taking course, it would be good to put some effort to support your argument (reasoning), and would be perfect together with some examples.  
  
In the 3rd paragraph, I believe you would like to express:  
1. it is waste of time and money to take course if one already know how to do it  
2. if they do not have enough budget, they might unable to get enough facilities for the baby...  
  
It seems one of the above would be the reason and one be the possible result, so if they can be re-arrange with better order it would make us (reader) easier to understand the correlation.
**Some people think that printed books are no longer necessary in this digital era as all writing can be stored electronically. Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
## conventional books being replaced by digital publications?

  
  
The novelty development of technology in this century has made people believe that conventional books are being replaced by digitalised publish. In this essay, I shall put forth my argument to analyze both standpoints and give my own impartial view on the topic.  
  
It is, first of all, without a doubt that books have and are still playing an essential roles in the spreading of knowledge for thousands of year. It is a reliable and available source of wisdom that is suitable for everyone, even for those who are computer-illiterate with limitted access to the Internet. Besides, some people gain such a distinctive joice fllipping through the pages that they can't never obtain by scrolling through the line in the computer screen.  
  
Digitalised book, on the other hand, is believed to be the future of publishing. The first advantage of storing written materials online is that it can preserve the content inside perpetually. The book can now shun damages from natural disaster, fires and immenurable causes. Not only does this benefit us but the future generation will be gratified to inherit the intact valuable knowledge from the past. The cloud computing, furthermore, facilitates the establishment of online library. Such development will save spaces and energy, which could have been consumed in a physical library.  
  
As a conclusion, in my opinion, digitalise book is an inevitable development trend. I also believe, however, in the lasting existence of printed book as it provides a fair chance to acquire knowledge for all people.
About the question, you can choose one side to support or partially agree as long as your opinion is clear. In your introduction, you should make your opinion clearer.  
  
**"give my own impartial view on the topic"** is too vague. If I were you, I would express my opinion like in your conclusion:  
  
**"I believe that in this modern world, while digital books are becoming more popular as they are more accessible, conventional books are irreplaceable for book lovers and computer illiterate people"**  
  
I find it hard to fully understand your essay because you misuses a lot of words, phrases and tenses. For example:  
**an essential role**  
**thousands of years**  
**digitalised publish** --> digital publications  
**even for those who are computer...** --> **especially computer illiterate people or people with limited access to the Internet.**  
  
**they can~~'t~~ never**  
**the lines on the computer screen**
*Some people claim that not enough of the waste form homes is recycled. They say that the only way to increase recycling is for governments to make it a legal requirement. To what extent do you think laws are needed to make people recycle more of their waste?*  
  
## recycling is beneficial

  
  
Below my IELTS essay  
There is a large volume of published studies describing the role of recycling. It is definite that, reccyled products have become an essential part of our life. Today people are beginning to realize that, insuficient litters are recycled in our society and it is government's obligation to make it a legal requirement. Personally, I totally agree with this statement, in the following essay I will demonstrate points.  
  
Frist of all, it is well known that, process of recycling consumes less energy and save a raw material. What I mean is, to increase recycling products government should adjust to make it legal. For example, statistic shows that, in Australia plastic bottles, paper and cans are recycled about 80% in comprison with other countries and they spend less energy and effort to produce products again. What is more, all for this process government in charge in order to rise efficiency of recycled goods. Therefore, useless materials can be helpful and productive for residents as well as governments.  
  
On the other hand, it can be argued that, increasing of recycling products may have poor-quality. To explain it further, product which is recycled several times might lose some special materials in order to be as initial phase. For instance, researchers in China confirm that, glasss which is recycled second time can lose first quality and can be more fragile. In this case, government no need to make it compulsory amongst people.  
  
In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account in our final analysis we can say that, recycling is beneficial and has many advantages and government can be infuencial in order to grow productivity of recycling process.
Hi Nurislam, hope you are studing well.  
I have some comments on this essay, firstly, pay close attention to the words (frist - first, comprison - comparison, glasss- glasses, reccycled - recycled). It is such a pity if your point get dedcuted for errors like that  
  
- Task response: if you are totally agree with the idea, you don't have to state the disadvantages of the trend.  
- Grammar: You can adjust some phrase to be more formal (What I mean is - In my opinion/From my standpoint etc..What is more - In addition, Furthermore, all for this process government in charge in order to ... - this process also play a key role in raising the efficiency of recycle goods.). My advice is that you should try to use complex sentence by combining several into ones using relative clauses. Connection devices (in addition, fu is also a great tools to express ideas clearer  
  
- Lexical resource: You could diversify your choice of word by learning more vocab on the topic.
Nurislam, an extent essay is normally written from a single point of view because you are to defend only the stance that you agree with in the essay. That comprises a 4 paragraph essay. However, in your presentation, you decided to portray a partial agreement and disagreement with the given prompt. So you cannot say that you totally agree with the statement. Instead, your response should have been "I partially agree" in order to allow yourself to develop a 4-5 paragraph essay that does a comparison discussion of the given topic.  
  
I have to caution you though that when it comes to writing a "partial agreement" essay, you could lose time trying to think of reasons as to why you partially agree with the statement owing to how you need to defend both stances / opinions in the essay. With a limited time allotment for the development of your response, a direct single opinion essay is usually the best bet in terms of giving you the opportunity to perfect your content before submitting the essay. That is because you only need to think in a one-track minded way where you focus only on the defense of a single opinion. Which is where the time management issues come in.  
  
BTW, in your concluding summary, you should have indicated a repeat of your opinion and a clear statement that says the government is responsible for making sure that laws are enacted to coax more people to recycle their home waste products.
*More and more animal species are becoming extince by human activies in land and sea. What are the reasons and solutions?*  
  
## saving endangered species

  
  
Nowadays, a variety of animals is killed by people so they are standing in danger of extinction. The essay below will analyze some major reasons for this stituation, and measures to tackle this problem will be presented.  
  
One of the main causes of this problem is that people have the demans of using animal's parts for many different purposes such as producing medication, cooking the nutrious meals or manufacturing luxury products, etc. This leads negative effects on wildlife, making them stand in danger of extinction. For example, every year in Japan, a big amount of whales is killed to serve luxury restaurants. Hundreds of elephans or rhinors are hunted and taken ivory or horn to produce jewellery such as rings, or medication. In addition, strong development of sea tourism also makes sea environment become seriously pollute. In particular, visitor who could threw away litter into the sea and oil released from boats carrying them are also the other reasons of the extinction of marine animals.  
  
Some measures are suggested to mitigate the stituation. That is the government should further provide strict punisment to prevent the illegal hunting and trading of animals. In addition, it should have many educational programs to heighten individual's awareness in the protection of animals. For examples, people should be taught about how to protect sea and land environment and animal species living there when they were children. As a result, they can understand about the importance of animal species and have a better awareness to preserve the natural environment.  
  
In conclusion, the risk of the extinction of a variety of animals is current urgent problems so that people needs to have effective measures to protect them.  
  
PS: I am learning writting skill for IELTS. Please help me check and review. Thank you very much.
Nice essay, Bui! Your essay structure is very clear and easy to follow. Just a few suggestions:  
  
1. ... and ~~measures to tackle this ...~~ present several measures to tackle this problem. Converting passive voice into active one will make your essay less tame and more clear. More important, you should use the same voice in two phrases connected by "and".  
  
2. Be careful in spelling. For example, people have the ~~demans~~ demands of..., ~~nutrious~~ nutritious meals, Hundreds of ~~elephans~~ elephants.  
  
3. Pay attention to collocations. Some words are used together to convey a certain meaning, and none of them should be replaced individually by other words. For example, better to say "This exerts/has a negative effect on wildlife" than to say "This leads negative effects"; Better to say "impose strict punishments" rather than "provide strict punishments". When unsure of whether a phrase sounds natural, you may check it in COCA, a corpus based on contemporary American newspapers, academic works and the like. You can then see whether the phrase is frequently used by native writers. I have found it quite helpful.  
  
Good luck with your IELTS!
Bui, this is a direct response essay. The opening paragraph should have represented the prompt as follows:  
  
*Certain types of animals have been facing obsolescence. The animals are being eliminated in order to help man survive by killing the animals for food, medicine, and clothes. One way of solving this problem is by better educating the people about the ecosystem balance required for the survival of people, animals, and the planet.*  
  
From that point on, you should use the 3 body paragraphs to write an extended discussion covering the following paragraph topic discussions:  
1. Why man needs to kill animals in order to survive  
2. Examples of how man uses animals to survive and why there is no other choice except to kill the animals.  
3. Suggestions as to how the further promotion of animal live preservation can be promoted.  
  
Based on the original prompt, my assessment is that the question requires a 3 body paragraph discussion that includes a presentation of examples prior to the suggestion for solving the problem.  
  
Your discussion is not very coherent nor concise in presentation. The mistakes, as pointed out by @TriceLiuare are accurate. You need to focus less on reviewing for the essay test and build your sentence structure and grammar skills first. If you cannot properly develop sentences and make yourself understood in the essay presentation, then it will be impossible for you to pass the test.
@HoaBui There is a missing element in your research presentation. You have covered the existing problems and the suggested solutions to the situation. However, this being a research paper, you need to balance the discussion with a presentation of the currently existing solutions that the governments of these nations have been enacting The way that your research presentation is set up, it appears that you have not thoroughly looked into the existing situation regarding slum areas in these countries. You can bet that the governments, both local and national, have been doing their best to address these issues.  
  
That is why it is important that you balance the discussion with a presentation of government slum rehab programs with your suggestions. Make sure to indicate which programs worked and what didn't. Explain why those programs did not work and then suggest an alternative solution. That will make your essay appear to be more authoritative and insightful throughout the presentation.  
  
Somehow, I do not think you are writing a research paper here but a response to a Task 2 essay instead. However, since you did not provide a prompt for the discussion and you have references in the presentation as well as a bibliography, I am offering you advice based on a research paper style of writing.
Hi everybody, I hope you guys can spend a little time to help me check my Ielts writing task 1. Thank you very much !  
  
## water for households and for industry

  
  
*Topic : The chart below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.*  
  
The pie charts below describes how six regions in the world utilized water with unalike purpose.  
  
At first glance it is clear that countries from Africa, South America and Asia used water mostly for agriculture purpose while a very large majority of water in North America and Europe were used for industrial needs.  
  
As can be seen from given pie charts, in North America and Europe, water was used mainly for industry which account for 48% and 53%; compare with a small amount of areas in Africa and Asia. More than 80% water in Africa and Asian regions went in agricultural field while this percentage was only 32% and 39% in North American parts and Europe. Percentage of water use for household in South America higher than other regions at 19%, whereas a very small number of people in Africa and Asia areas use water for personal use at home.  
  
*