dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Why do so many teenagers abuse drugs?

  
Drug abuse is also known as addiction. Substance abuse in adolescents is a very serious and prominent problem today. There are many explanations for the causes of teen drug addiction, one of which is low self-esteem, lack of parental care and attention, and peer pressure.  
  
The first reason that puts young people on the road to addiction is their low self-esteem. Adolescents, who are between the ages of 10 and before 20 years old, have strong, aggressive reactions to everything, are sensitive, and always feel a lack of confidence. Many other young people feel that they are socially inept, unhelpful in life. Drugs are the savior that gives them power and confidence.  
  
An objective cause of this problem is the lack of attention and care of parents. In many families, because they are busy making money, too concerned about their career, both parents work outside the house, not spending much time caring, sharing, and talking with their children, who are in the middle of nowhere puberty, rebellion. In particular, inattentive parents may not be aware of the warning signs of drug abuse that their child is showing.  
  
On the other hand, pressure and pull from friends also cause teenagers to fall into drug abuse. The imposition and comparison of parents about the achievements and abilities of their children and friends also make them stressed, frustrated, and eventually turn to drugs for relief. In other circumstances, it is triumph, frivolity, and the desire to express themselves, to prove themselves as adults, drugs are the means for these young people to demonstrate their ego.  
  
Addiction and drugs abuse during adolescence have numerous major implications, altering the child's mental and developmental growth and producing poor consequences for their future.  
  
In conclusion, the problem of drug abuse among adolescents is a hot issue, of great interest today. With the development of society, there are many reasons for this problem, but the three most basic reasons are low self-esteem, parental concern, and peer pressure. To prevent this, close cooperation from the school and parents is essential; pay special attention to education for adolescents, especially their psychological needs.
one of which  
You cannot use this phrase when enumerating several other related outcomes. This phrase only applies to single reference points.  
  
between the ages of 10 and before 20 years old  
Incorrect. Adolescence comes in 2 phases. Early. adolescence is from 10-14 years and middle adolescence is from 15- 17. Young adurhood follows after that. Correct the reference.  
  
Drugs are the savior that gives them power and confidence.  
Why? The reference must be better developed to bring authority to the writer's claims.  
  
inattentive parents may not be aware of the warning signs of drug abuse that their child is showing.  
How does this relate to the power and confidence discussion? Relate the paragraphs.  
  
eventually turn to drugs for relief.  
Why? The writer is consistently presenting little to unsupported reasons. Each reason must come with a fully developed explanation.  
  
Addiction and drugs abuse during adolescence have numerous major implications  
This is the most undeveloped and senseless paragraph in the whole essay. You know how to fix it.
## famous individuals more financially rewarding than politicians

  
  
Some believe that famous people such as singers, actors, athletics ... are earning more than senior politicians. This phenomenon can easily be explained and in fact, it is bringing about an adverse progress to human's life.  
  
In the first view, it is reasonable for the current fact that well-known people get better paid than politicians. Firstly, artistic activities attract many more people in every field of life. In daily life, individuals are spending a large amount of money on amusing things to serve their mental life as life expectancy of amusement has grown up significantly in the modern era. Particularly, the theme of artistic life is more attractive and interesting than boring news about politics. Secondly, politicians receive monthly salaries from the country, which is the only source of money that they can be paid. Compared with celebrities, a statesman soley receives wages from the country bank while famous ones also make money from followers' gifts and even donate.  
  
On the contrary, this phenomenon can contribute to rough consequences. To begin with, less people will take up politics. Think of the case that they do not receive the suitable range of income despite the hard workload; that makes people consider not choosing to become a politician. Next, it is believed that politics plays a more important role in people's lives than artistic aspects. The president, prime minister, and other senior politicians have a set of responsibilities as the nation's leader as their decisions may have a significant influence on society. Whilst, a means of pleasure or delight does not actually affect one's life and can be replaced for example by several games and outdoor sports  
  
To summarize, it is clear that well-known people get better wages than statesmen in some countries. In order to stop this negative progress, the Government should take this problem into consideration and give out the best solutions.
athletics  
Word choice error leading to a lowered vocabulary score. The correct term is athletes. An athlete is a person trained or gifted in exercises or contests involving physical agility, stamina, or strength; a participant in a sport, exercise, or game requiring physical skill. While athletics refers to sports, as running, rowing, or boxing, or track and field.  
  
...  
Ellipses, as a punctuation mark is not used in academic writing. Use of this indicates an omission normally present in informal writing. This will lower the grammar accuracy of the presentation.  
  
donate  
word use error again. The celebrities recieve donations that add to their income. The student must improve his English language vocabulary with a focus on meaning and proper usage in sentences.  
  
On the contrary, this phenomenon can contribute to rough consequences.  
Why are you discussing consequences when the prompt only asks for reasons? Adding non prompt related discussions will result in a failing score due to an improperly developed discussion presentation.  
  
The summary conclusion does not reflect the previous discussion as required. Most of the reduced points will be in the IR section.
## first-year English-language teachers with regular teaching jobs

  
  
The line graph compares proportion of first-year English-language teachers and French-language teachers enrolled in Ontario between 2001 and 2007.  
Overall, the percentage of English-language teachers recruited was lower and fell gradually over the period shown.  
  
In 2001, 70% of English-language teachers had a regular job, which is the same as French-language teachers. The proportion of English-language teachers decreased significantly to 40% in 2003, while the figures for French-language teachers dipped in 2002 then returned to nearly 70% in 2003.  
  
There was a slight climb of 5% in the proportion of teachers teaching French recruited in 2005. This figure then declined gradually and hit a low of nearly 30% in 2007.From 2003, the percentage of French-language teachers enrolled remained fairly stable at around 70%, and reached a peak at 75% in 2007.  
  
*
The summary statement misrepresents the task purpose. You referred the data in the graph as being in reference to enrolled teachers for 2 language groups. The original indication is for the rate of hiring / recruitment of teachers. Enrollment is different from hiring. The word meaning does not support the original prompt. It has altered the task restatement accuracy and no longer suits the ouginal presentation. It has failed to achieve paraphrasing expectations. The overall analysis is incorrect mostly due to the inability of the writer to properly rephrase the supplied information. Take for instance the following reference:  
  
70% of English-language teachers had a regular job,  
The graph, as per image guidelines. explains that the end measurement, by graduation year, shows how many teachers were hired as regulars. So there is a clear misunderstanding of the presentation data through the writers interpretation. So the score will be low due to the problematic comprehension and restatement skills of the exam taker.
## Online school and children

  
  
In this day and age, distance classes are ubiquitous, mostly every student once experienced this type of learning. In fact, there are countless debates over whether elementary school students are suitable for online classes or not.  
  
On the one hand, many people support that online learning is suitable for primary school students because they are not only convenient but also appropriate to the actual situation. Indeed, the advocate argues that distance learning is advantageous for too young students, when these students attend online classes, they will be comfortable about their space and time of studying, which might promote their studying interests. Moreover, if primary school students have difficulties in learning online, the parents, siblings aids are available for them, these assistants are believed to make them study more efficiently.  
  
On the other hand, the opponent holds a belief that online classes are just a waste of time. People who are against studying online affirm that even if primary school students appear at traditional classes, the students' abilities to acquire lessons are still vague, so the critic believes that when too young students take part in online classes, the effectiveness is significantly decreased.  
  
To sum up, it is safe to assert that the students' studying effectiveness totally depends on themselves. The online or offline classes are just one of a range of factors to help them study efficiently.
The main reason the essay fails to meet formatting requirements is the word count. There are only 227 words written. Where less than 250 words are used in the discussion, a word count percentage penalty will apply. These deductions tend to be the main reason for score failures specially in the TA section. The prompt provided is incomplete. There are 2 ways this essay could have been discussed:  
  
- Discuss both views and give an opinion  
- Discuss your opinion.  
  
Based on the present format, it appears that the first format is what is required for the discussion. So, it is the personal opinion paragraph that is missing and, as such, is the reason why the word count was not met. The essay can therefore, only receive a score based on an incomplete reasoning presentation. Such types of scoring considerations do not result in a passing score.
## More money should be spent on researching other planets to live, such as Mars

  
  
As technology is increasing progressively, there is no doubt that in the future, we may have the opportunity to transfer to another planet. Some people hold an opinion that we should spend a considerable amount of money in order to uncover planets that could be a suitable accommodation, Mars, for instance, could be a possible home. This essay will discuss both advantages and disadvantages of this issue and explain why the writer does not opt for this argument and bring out some relevant examples.  
  
On the one hand, spending money on researching planets that could be another home besides the Earth could be of immense help. Firstly, the Earth is suffering from global warming, requiring another place to live. It is clearly seen that the air is severely polluted, the ice bergs are melting on the planet, resulting in the deaths of myriads of terrestrial and marine animals and the imbalance of ecosystem. The Earth is being damaged, thus, people should move to another place such as Mars. Therefore, the governments need to invest an amount of money in detecting for planets that could accommodate seven billions of people from the Earth. Secondly, searching for another planet besides the Earth can be a back-up situation in case of the Earth is suffered from severe natural disasters, or even apocalypse.  
  
On the other hand, I strongly believe that there is unecessary to invest in looking for another planet besides the Earth for many reasons. Firstly, the blame for the most recent mass extinction and environmental degradation is not natural catastrophe - it is human. There is no doubt that human is the main culprit of the global warming and other environmental issues. Therefore, to address this problem, the governments should levy exorbitant fines on devastating behaviours such as littering, illegal dumping or other environmental offences to raise the public awareness about this issue. Thus, this problem may be ameliorated and moving to another planets is unecessary. In addition, the authorities can save an appropriate amount of money to distribute to other important sectors such as education and healthcare. Secondly, the amount of money for researching another planets besides the Earth is too expensive and costly. For example, the construction for rockets may cost millions of dollars. This huge amount of money should be allocated to more significant sectors such as education or environment instead of searching for another planets.  
  
In conclusion, while there are some merits in recovering for different planets besides the Earth, I strongly believe that this is an unecessary searching for the aforementioned reasons.
why the writer does not opt for this argument  
You are the writer. This is your opinion. You are not analyzing the point of view of someone else. Refer to yourself in this paragraph via first person pronoun usage. The opinion requirement is for your personal point of view. This is a reference opinion waccuracy and will be marked down inthe preliminary score.  
  
This essay will discuss both advantages and disadvantages of this issue and explain why the writer does not opt for this argument  
Did you make up the topic on your own? It would appear so since the A/D discussion does not ask for the writer's personal opinion. Only the "Discuss both views" requires that. You have created a prompt for yourself that will never be applied to an actual task 2 topic. You will not learn anything applicable to task 2 writing with this exercise so I will not be evaluating it.
## positive effects of physical activity

  
  
Doing exercise regularly brings about many noteworthy positive effects on people's health including physical health and mental health. Firstly, exercise on a daily basis plays an important role in enhancing control of their weight. In fact, more and more people get overweight due to sedentary lifestyle or lack of exercise, which exerts detrimental impact on physical health. Therefore, it is necessary to participate in physical activities, not only to burn calories but also to maintain a slim figure. Secondly, regular physical activity aids in treatment of a various health problems and disorders. There are many serious diseases, which people often get, for example, cardiovascular disease, stroke, type two diabetes. Although it is really difficult to treat these diseases successfully, people can reduce the risk even further by engaging in physical activity. Finally, when people enhance physical fitness with daily exercise, they tend to feel better, and more relaxed. It can be seen that people have to face a range of difficulties and carry a great burden of responsibility, relationship, financial problems, which result in a variety of mental health problems, such as depression, anxiety, stress. According to some researchers, exercise is an effective method to improve the ability of sleep and lift people's mood. The reason is that focusing on their own bodies while doing exercise help people forget worries for a while and have more positive thoughts. In conclusion, it is beneficial to take part in physical activities regularly due to its advantages in promoting better health.
The content of the presentation is strong when it comes to topic presentations. However, it is weak in terms of discussion development. Without knowing what the writing instructions are, I would have to say that the problems of this presentation refer to:  
  
- Presentation formatting  
- Discussion development  
  
consider the 2 problem points as inter-related. Solving the formatting mistake will fix the discussion development. By providing seperate paragraphs anchored on various benefit topics, the writer will be able to better develop the provided reasons based on an expanded discussion format. There are different topics presented that need individual paragraph development. some of these topics are:  
  
Doing exercise regularly brings about many noteworthy positive effects on people's health including physical health and mental health.  
- A stronger expanded introduction would create more interest for the reader  
  
exercise on a daily basis plays an important role in enhancing control of their weight.  
-This is a properly developed paragraph but loses clarity because of the jumbled format.  
  
The writer can pretty much assess the topic sentences for himself, then separating and developing each paragraph.
## which system is more appropriate?

  
  
n some countries, secondary schools aim to provide a general education across a wide range of subjects. In others, children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career. For today's world, which system is appropriate?  
  
There is no denying the paramount importance of education on society. In light of this, there are various curriculums in order to maximize the effects of the learning process. In some nations, students can access various subjects at secondary schools. Meanwhile, others prefer vocational education that orient students to a career in the future. While the latter system is not without certain drawbacks, I am convinced that it is generally more suitable for both students and society as well.  
  
Admitted that advantages of a general education are evidenced. The key benefit is that children can be exposed to distinct majors, and hence they can choose the most appropriate major for themselves based on their interest and abilities after experiencing all subjects. Simultaneously, diversity of knowledge may pave the way for adolescents to have a complete development in the future since they are equipped with sufficient information in all fields. However, the aforementioned advantages pale into significance when compared to glaring drawbacks. Firstly, this system may spell trouble for students because of a hectic learning schedule before exams of numerous subjects that make students exhausted. This is compounded by the problem that children have to acquire so much knowledge that they are prone to put up with stress because of being overloaded no matter how much information they can apply to the practice in the future.  
  
Meanwhile, it is justifiable for some to not extol the vocational system. The main rationale is that this curriculum may limit the abilities and skills of students in a particular specialization. Nevertheless, this thinking is flawed since this system brings many glamour benefits. Children can attain essential knowledge and skill sets related to their future jobs from an early age. This development is a boon to their career opportunities because they may be versed in their field after a long time of focused training without being distracted by other subjects. In addition to this, the less irrelevant subjects children study, the more time they have for their major subjects; therefore, they can harmonize theoretical and practical education to have a bulk of job experience in the future. Not only students but organizations are also positively affected by this education system. A narrow range of subjects related to a certain major may help juveniles become a seasoned professional after graduating. As a result, enterprises can save a colossal amount of money on training new employees in terms of major knowledge and skills.  
  
In conclusion, although each system has its own merits and demerits, I strongly deem that the vocational system should be adopted in lieu of a general education for the sake of students as well as companies.
The discussion format is the main reasons why this essay may avoid a passing score. Based on the task requirement, the discussion is to focus solely on one type of educational system. The 2 reasons involved must be angled towards the applicability of the learning style to today's world. While the writer chose a particular academic style for the opinion presentation, there was a failure to properly defend, via applicable discussion points, the writers point of view.  
  
For some reason, the writer opted to use a comparative discussion presentation. Effectively saying that both styles have strong suits even as attention is called to drawbacks. The whole point of the essay was simply to justify why her educational style choice in most applicable to today's world. Rather than having 2 supporting paragraphs, there is only 1. So the discussion has 2 Task lowering errors:  
  
- Incorrect response presentation  
- Under developed reasoning discussion  
  
The discussion pointh presented are clear and logical for the intentions of the writer. The problem, is that only 1 out of 2 paragraphs addresses the discussion requirement.
## Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time

  
  
Owing to the reality that teenagers usually have more leisure time than adults, there are some argue that such adolescents' free time must be spent on doing unpaid work for the community. However, I completely disagree with this opinion, and I believe that the young themselves should feel free to choose their ways of spending free time.  
  
The first reason in favor of my argument is that the teenagers have had enough pressure in their lives, so they deserve having free time for themselves notwithstanding being forced to do more voluntary works. Since schools require their students to strive their best every day in order to get good grades, students are believed to be put under many kinds of pressure including peer pressure, which may even cause serious mental health issues. Therefore, whenever teenagers have free time, methods to encourage them to take part in sport activities or other positive entertainment should be implemented instead of those unpaid works.  
  
Another reason supporting my view is that forcing others to do anything is against the human's right and value of volunteering. Since no one has the right to tell others live the life they want, forcing teenagers to do unpaid work for the community is an inapplicable and absurd idea. Moreover, unpaid work for the community should only stem from one's heart and it is only meaningful if it is done in a voluntarily way, therefore we should only encourage the young to do it but not forcing them.  
  
In conclusion, despite the arguments for asking the young to do voluntary work in their leisure time, I would argue that the choice of what to do with the young's free time should be in their hands.
I completely disagree  
The exaggerated response is uncalled for. Use this type of response presentation only for "extent" requirement essays. For this prompt, a simple and straightforward disagreement is sufficient. Remember that to are scored or response accuracy. That includes the expected response format presentation. some deductions will apply to your response format.  
  
to do more voluntary works.  
This seems incorrect. The implication of your reason is that the youth already do voluntary use youth service without a mandate to do so. Therefore, the discussion presented is pointless. The use of the word "more" is what misdirected the sentence focus.  
  
The concluding summary is not properly formatted. This should be done using 2 sentences of at least 20 words each. It should contain a summary discussion of at least 40 words to be acceptable for scoring.