dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***Some people think the government should invest more money in teaching science than other subjects in order for a country to develop and progress.***  
## To what extents to you agree or disagree?

  
  
"Knowledge is a power", Francis Bacon said long ago. Education, to some certain extent, is a driving factor forcing a nation's prime. People differ greatly as to the fact that the national budget should be allocated to science teaching for a country's property than arts. From my perspective, the government should place equal stress on both science and other subjects.  
  
Granted, plenty of evidence and arguments could be easily found to prove that it is advisable for the government to place a premium and subsidize science. For a start, science is a stimulating factor to develop the economy, which could inject a new life into a nation's affluence. Statistically, scientists and mathematicians, on a yearly basis, dedicate a myriad of valuable breakthroughs, which do wonders for human life. To illustrate this, owing to the electric light bulbs' advent, people's lives are facilitated than dating back centuries. On top of that, science would prompt citizens' critical thinking, given that science is based on facts, and being equipped with scientific horizons will make people be less likely to believe superstition and old wives' tales.  
  
On the flip side, it is rather superficial to simply say that a nation's financial investment should only be restricted to science compared to other certain sectors. The reason is that the might of a country involves a plethora of aspects and the cultivation of a citizen is to realize one's comprehensive development. Besides, learning of arts would become an indispensable element for most of the well-rounded citizens. Thanks to arts, especially civic education, people would be more merciful and diligent. In addition, the fandom of civic education would render people be compliant with the rules imposed on our nation, which leads to the fact that the crime rate would descend. On an educational level, gaining an insight into arts would be beneficial due to each subject's significant merit. For instance, literature strengthens one's cultural heritage, music molds one's temperament, physical education enhances one's health index, and so forth.  
  
All in all, on a governmental level, money should be invested in science-based subjects and other subjects. Notwithstanding the fact that science plays an important role in a country's wealth, arts still deserve significantly high regard owing to their valuable upside for any citizen's maturity.
The second sentence does not make any sense and does not relate to the original prompt topic. It will also be best to avoid citing the words of other authors in your presentation because those tend to alter the presentation information from the original. The first paragraph should accurately create a second version of the original presentation, without additional information or reference to other sources such as Francis Bacon. What exactly do you mean by a country's property? Did yo mean development and progress? Property does not refer to the same things. This is also an extent essay, not just a simple opinion essay. So your response presentation is incorrect. There is no equal stress in the presentation. Either you agree to a certain extent or you disagree to a certain extent.  
  
This is a single opinion essay. It is not a comparative essay because the instruction does not ask you to discuss both points of view and present your own opinion. You are asked to support only one of the two discussion options. When you say the stress is equal, then there is no clear opinion presented on your part. Why? The equality option does not exist in the discussion question option. Therefore, your response will be considered unrelated to the given discussion.
Task 2:  
***Many people are now spending more and more time travelling to work or school, some people believe that this has negative development while others think there are some benefits.***  
  
## Discuss both view and give your opinion

  
  
It is true that nowadays, people are spending much more time traveling for work or school. While some people argue that this is a negative trend, others believe that there are some advantages. In this essay, I am going to examine this question from both points of view and then give my perspective on this matter.  
  
On one side of this argument, people argue that people spend too much time traveling to work or school which leads to a negative development. Almost people choose to use their own car or motorbike to go to work, the demand of traveling for work increases which means the number of vehicles on the road also grows following this demand. As a result, it can be lead to traffic jams in rush hours. Moreover, when people stuck in traffic jams, sitting on the motorbike breathing in toxic fumes from other vehicles, which in long term can lead to several serious health issues. Additionally, the exhausted fumes from transports can cause environmental pollution.  
  
On the other hand, it can be argued that commuting to work has some advantages. These benefits are normally related to people who use public transports. First of all, it can allow people more time to finish things that they have not had enough time to complete. For example, students have a great chance to finish their homework and adults have more time to get their project done or check their schedule. In addition, people also have time to read books, listen to their favorite songs or even enjoy the beautiful scenery outside the window. Besides, it is a great opportunity for those who need to take a nap after burning might night oil to catch the deadline.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that both arguments have their merits. On balance, however, I feel that it still has some advantages that surpass its negative effect. It does not only save time it also gives people more great opportunities to relax or complete their work.
It is going to be better for your score if you do not make any attestations to the validity of any of the claims presented in the original presentation. Why? Well, the validity of the claim being made is not required, not a part of the discussion requirement. Therefore, you are including unnecessary information that runs counter to the discussion instructions.  
  
Now, you did a pretty good job of referring to the opinion of other people in the first reasoning paragraph. Your discussion subject is valid, well supported, and clear to the reader. However, the unnecessary inclusion of the second reason in that paragraph, which was only mentioned, but not really developed as well as the first part, created an under developed presentation for that topic, which would affect the overall C&C consideration for that section.  
  
For the second paragraph, you used a general presentation for the explanation, but failed to use the third person reference like you did in the previous paragraph. This made the discussion unclear to the reader. Whose opinion is being presented? Is this a personal or public opinion? That is why the use of pronouns in these comparative discussion presentations are important. The pronouns add to the clarity of the presentation.  
  
There should have been a third paragraph in this case, the explanation of your personal opinion based on the previously presented opinions and explanations. That is a stand alone paragraph that creates the personal opinion discussion. The current format of the essay shows an open ended essay because you used your personal opinion as the conclusion of the essay. The task 2 essay requires the use of summary conclusions. These are conclusions that are based on a summary of the public and personal opinion as a reminder of the discussion to the reader.  
  
This is not a bad first try at writing this task. You did well enough for a beginner and have room for improvement. Keep practicing and you should see improvements to your discussion approach over time.
## Cambridge IELTS 13 Test 1 Writing Task 1 - road network

  
  
Two given maps demonstrate the road network around a City Hospital in 2007 and in 2010. Overall, there were some new establishments and some facilities had been isolated or relocated.  
  
In 2007, the map illustrated there was only one parking area for both internal and external users. Besides, there were three bus stops on either side of Hospital Road.  
  
Significant changes had been made from 2007 to 2010. First, the parking lot was separated. The staff car park was in the original location and the public car park was on Ring Road which is located on the east of the hospital. Second, the bus stops on Hospital Road were demolished. A bus station was built on the south-west of the hospital. Third, two roundabouts were erected. One near the hospital, connect the bus station with Ring Road and Hospital Road. Another one was at the junction of Hospital Road and City Road.
***At this age, some people think that we are living in a consumer society which possessing and using have gained too importance.***  
## In what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
Some people believe that we are living in a society beset by consumerism culture, in which possessing materialistic properties and objects are exaggeratedly cherished. I completely agree with this idea, and I will discuss two main reasons for this phenomenon.  
  
I believe that the main reason for the existence of consumption-oriented social behaviors is due to destruction of the authentic role-models. Firstly, the most effective factor to shaping a society, which is the media, now is under the tight control of giant companies and business owners who have been seeking policies to convince people to procure their products more in order to maximize their wealth. While governmental surveillance systems on media are blown away by the sophisticated lobbies of those gigantic producers, the media and its predominant consuming-inclined advertising apparatus is spoiling people. Secondly, as ethical and society's true role-models are eliminated in this way, and are substituted with often immoral celebrities, we are convinced that by having a particular object like a car or fancy cellphones we would be happier. Finally, these factors have left society members vulnerable to be trapped under the bombardment of these wrong indications without an authentic role-model.  
  
On the other hand, in lack of enough social values, the educational systems do not have the effective curriculum to straighten these chaotic circumstances out. The educational and training purposes have always been defined by social values, whether or not they are correct; therefore, their modifying role would be frustrating. Furthermore, as this false propaganda forced us to work more to consume more, it left families desperate and time-poor, panic-stricken to be lagged in this race, hence there are unable to play their essential educational and training role. Moreover, by the prevalence of social media tools in the hand of new generations, it would be a backbreaking task, if not impossible, to revamp this wrong and detrimental approach, if youngsters are in the constant exposure of cherished celebrity upscale and luxurious lifestyle.  
  
In conclusion, my view is that our today's society is engaged in a problematic approach of consuming more, and is inclined to possess more, as true values of humanity are redefined by some opportunistic orientations.
Good restatement with the slight problem of you still using the phrase "which possessing" in the presentation. The best scored paraphrasing is always the one that avoids any word usage from the original. that is because it shows a high degree of vocabulary, English comprehension, and thought process. You have shown an ability to do this in the restatement section. So just work on further improving that skill by avoiding all original word usage.  
  
You are over explaining in the presentation. You have to work within a 250-300 word frame only. That is because of the 40 minute time limit for the presentation. I understand that you have an extensive English vocabulary and you want to show the examiner your English skills as thoroughly as possible. However, the aim of this test is to have you show that you can explain your understanding, opinion, and dis/agreement with a given topic as quickly and clearly as you can. Do not get me wrong, you did a thorough job of explaining yourself. The problem, is that the examiner needs to be able to quickly read the presentation, hence the word allowance.
This is a very timely essay. However, it tends to get confusing to read because of the constantly diverting focus from healthcare to consumerism in relation to capitalism. You may want to give the reader a better version of this essay that allows them to concentrate on the actual topic. When discussing capitalism, do so in the manner that focuses on how capitalism has become a negative for healthcare stemming from doctor fees all the way to the emergency care for a simple sprained ankle. Since you are discussing healthcare, the inclusion of capitalism in the form of consumerism tends to muddle the presentation. While I understand how capitalism fits int he discussion, try to avoid consumerism discussions as these are hard to apply to a medical setting. The health insurance set up is totally different in terms of consumerism so you have to create a more relatable examples series in your presentation. The rest of the essay is informative though and works very well in terms of discussion, opinion, and outlook.
## gap year in university

  
  
The period which student are devised to travel or experience for a year is known as gap year. It can be said that gap year is really popular in the world. Thus,there are strongness and weakness if a student decide to have a gap year.  
  
After graduated in highschool means student have gone through a pressure time and need more activities to relax. When choosing in stopping transient study course,young people can take part in of social activities as build up more relationship.In addition, they can give a try to apply some jobs,which has vacancies,for having more knowledge on each field.Moreover,travelling is one of common choices that virtual graduated student want to try. During gap year,student almost get extra realistic knowledge, which may not be taught in school. Additionally,they can get cristic complainment if they are in probationary period. Sometimes,it make the youth can not put up with anymore but they can be given preciate lessons.  
  
On the other view,many student have no interest in putting one year for free and relax. They decide to study in university immediately after high school instead of spending time for gap year. By their thoughts,having gotten bachelor of university earlier than student who do gap year at least one year is totally possible.They do not go along with opinion that gap year can bring more experience because they also can get jobs or social skill on outside activities during university time.  
  
Personally,I prefer getting gap year to starting university studies.Although it can bring to me both pros and cons,I think it have many amazing things for my new adventure.
Be careful with your vocabulary. Using the wrong word in a sentence will result in LR deductions. For example, in the first sentence of the first paragraph, you said  
  
"student are devised to travel"  
  
The correct phrase formation is:  
  
"...students are advised to travel..."  
  
That is based on the difference in word meaning:  
  
Devise - to form a plan  
  
Advised - informed  
  
Making a recommendation to a student to travel is along the lines of "advisement". There are several other LR problems in your presentation that would actually take up all of my time if I were to give you a vocabulary lesson throughout this essay. Let us put it this way, you need to better understand English word meaning and how to properly use these in a sentence. The word usage problem is proving to be a big one for you in this presentation.  
  
The paragraphs also lack a sense of clarity and meaning. Thus failing to provide cohesive and coherent discussion topics. I believe that this is being caused by the transliteration of your presentation from Vietnamese thoughts to English words. It is important that you begin practicing thinking and writing only in English. That is the only way you can solve the problem of clarity in your written presentations.  
  
Based on this essay, I can say that you are not yet prepared to write Task 2 essays. You should start by writing general essays instead. Ones that will focus on word usage, sentence formation, and clarity of presentation more than anything else. You may contact me privately if you wish to receive guidance regarding building your writing skills.
## number of graduates in Canada

  
  
*The graph below shows the number of university graduates in Canada from 1992 to 2007.*  
  
The given line graph displays the number of alumni in Canada within 15 years starting from 1992. It can be discerned that the number of female graduates was all-time higher than that of male graduates, and both figures shared an identical growth pattern.  
  
In 1992, there were roughly 100.000 female alumni in Canada. This number steadily increased over 3 years before slowly declining by the same margin for the same amount of time. Starting in 1998, the number of female graduates experienced an upward spiral within the remaining period, reaching up to 150.000 in 2007, a roughly 50% increase compared to the original amount.  
  
The number of male graduates at the beginning of the period was 30% lower compared to the female's. The former's growth pattern is quite similar to the latter, whereas it fluctuated for 9 years before growing stably, resulting in an increase of roughly 25.000 at the end of the period.  
  
**Please evaluate and suggest what needs improving. Thanks!**  
  
*
In the trending statement, you should mention the year when the women had the highest number of graduates. The images cannot share an identical growth pattern if the women graduated at a higher rate than men at the end. When you say there is an identical growth pattern, that means the increases in the male graduates are commensurate to the female graduates. It would be better not to use 2 different trending references in these essays. Just use one as there is a possibility for confusion to be created in the presentation, such as what happened in your current writing.  
  
You should try to write at least 175 words for this presentation. That is so that you can get a better scoring consideration for each section. Another sentence or two in the final paragraph should helped fix that problem. Rather than using the run-on presentation in the last sentence, you should have used 2 sentence presentations instead to help with the clarity of the information presentation and GRA considerations.
I am practicing writing as an English test is coming. Looking forward to your constructive suggestions. Thank youuu.  
  
***Some high schools have a requirement that students must complete a certain amount of volunteer work in order to graduate.***  
## What do you think about this type of requirement? Give details to support your opinion.(Para)

  
  
Given the fact that universities and employer's requirements for students' contribution to the community are accumulatively inscreasing, students in some high school are obliged to do volunteer work for their graduation. However, I totally disagree with this type of requirement. Firstly, students should be the decision-maker of whether or not they want to participate in any volunteer work. As different people have their own future plans, volunteer work may benefit some students, but it may not be suitable for the others. Additionally, asking students to do volunteer jobs for graduation is, sometimes, putting them under greater stress since they have already undergone an extreme amount of it during their daily life. Forcing students to volunteer is obviously against the meaningful voluntary purpose of those work. Secondly, as volunteering becomes obliged, it will be a rising negative trend among the new generation. Rather than focusing on further developing themselves and creating valuable community programs, students will do volunteer to join a race for profile and fame. Myriad promising community-contributed programs being set up and abandoned soon after their host graduated is gradually becoming a commonplace in modern society. The new generation, through superficial education, will propel this world towards a future in which even contributing to society is done purposively. To conclude, schools should not always expect students to fulfill their "voluntary duties" as requirements will lead to students' opposition and potential consequences in the future.
In order to properly write the response paragraph, you first have to understand what response method you have to use. In this case, you are being asked for your opinion on the topic. So you should have discussed if this is necessary or unnecessary. Instead, you chose to disagree with the presented discussion topic. If you are not being asked to agree or disagree, then you should be presenting an opinion based on the topic instead. You could have said; "I do not think this requirement is fair to the students because..." or "I believe that this is an acceptable requirement for high school students since it will..."  
  
What I am giving you is just a general idea as to how you can better write this essay. Since you said you are taking an English test and not the IELTS or TOEFL tests, I did not apply the writing qualifications of those exams to your presentation. Please let me know next time if you are prepping for an official English language test so that I can apply the correct review procedure on your work.
## Some people think that instead of preventing climate change, we need to find a way to live with it.

  
  
In an ever-changing world, preventing climate changes is an alarming problem that humans have to face. Some people assume that instead of finding measures to solve this problem we should find some ways to live with it. I totally disagree with this idea.  
  
On the one hand, human life quality would become worse if we accept to live with climate changing. It is without controversy that natural resources are irreplaceable parts of our life notwithstanding how modern people are. For a clear example, natural energy resources such as oil, coal, sun still contribute the largest energy percentage of the whole world. Moreover, people's life expectancy almost sticks to the quality of the surrounding environment. Climate change can cause many disasters such as floods, storms, volcanoes, these fierce phenomenons can damage facilities immeasurably and even make people die.  
  
On the other hand, live with climate change is just a reason that people give out to hide their lack of responsibilities to the environment. To prevent climate-changing people have to obey various rules and they decline their profits. For example, to decrease the amount of carbon dioxide in polluted air, factories would have to update their systems that require a huge financial resource. Therefore, companies usually ignore this method. Besides, people do not have the exact knowledge as well as behaviors to prevent the fast-changing climate. They usually blame for the busy life and their convenience that ignore the environment. For example, the way that people use private transportation is increasing dramatically this totally cause the air quality to become worse at an alarming rate.  
  
In conclusion, find a way to live with climate-changing is totally not a holistic measure for our life. I entirely think that humans should improve the alarming situation instead.