dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***Do you agree that money is the only motivation at work why people prefer working in the same company for many years?***  
  
Some might think money is the most common reason why people stay longer in one company; however this statement failed to explain the rest of people struggling into the same work every single day. I would totally disagree with this idea because comfortable working atmosphere and passion they have are the reason why the workers do so.  
  
It has become apparent in recent year that workers are no longer stay in one company for getting the salary offered by the company but because of the comfortable working atmosphere served by them. This statement stand on the actual event that workers prefer to work at a conducive place with minimum stress level, low-pressure of work, and friendlier partner. For example, the study conducted by Surveyor Indonesia in 2010 revealed that 57% of workers choose to have a duty at a comfortable workplace with small salary rather than to work in corporation with satisfying salary but having a high pressure. Therefore, it is true that the worker priority to stay in same work routine is changing from money oriented to the atmosphere of working place.  
  
It also cannot be denied many people recently choose to work based on their passionate hobby, such as art painter. They are doing their hobby not only for living but also for spreading their point of view. Research conducted in 2007 by Australia Social Researcher found as much as 23% of people choose to hang their life by doing their hobby for the entire life as the aim of their work is to spread the perspective they have rather than to gain much money. The people who choose their passionate hobby for living prefer to popularize their perspective than to get money.  
  
To conclude, the high salary that people earn at work is no longer the absolute reason of why they are still working at the same workplace for years. It is very obvious that worker staying at the same routine as the environment of the workplace and the passionate hobby that they have as a duty.
Hello kiki23! Here is my feedback as to your writing. Hopefully this will strengthen your paper later on.  
I will leave some points at the very bottom of this message to which you can refer in the future writing sessions.  
  
Green = My personal recommendation (optional)  
Red = Things you need to fix.  
  
Some (people/employees/individuals) ...  
however this statement ~~failed~~ (has failed/fails )...  
because comfortable working atmosphere and passion ~~they have~~ are the reasons why the workers do so...  
  
It has become apparent in recent years ...  
for ~~getting~~(You can either take this out or replace it with "receive") the salary offered by the company ~~but~~ because...  
This statement stands on the actual event that workers prefer ~~to~~ working at a conducive place with a minimum stress (...) friendlier partners ...  
... that the worker's priority ~~to stay in same work routine~~ is changing from ~~money oriented~~(the salary or money) to the atmosphere...  
  
It ~~also~~ cannot (also) ... on their passionate hobbies , such as an art painter...  
They are doing their hobbies not only for (...) their points of view...  
Research conducted in 2007... hobbies ...  
... their passionate hobbies for living prefer ~~to~~ popularizing their perspectives~~than to get money~~(to/over earning money) ...  
  
To conclude (or In conclusion) ...  
It is very obvious... the passionate hobbies ...  
  
**Some enhancements can be made by doing these following things below:**  
- Indefinite vs. Definite Articles. (To be honest, even I'm not good at this)  
- Singular and plural nouns. This is a minor problem that can be solved easily if you are just more careful with nouns you use.  
- "Prefer A to B". "Prefer ~ing A to ~ing B" or "Prefer ~ing A over ~ing B".  
Technically, "People prefer to popularize perspectives" might make sense to some writers but possibly decrease readability.  
So I believe it will be a wise practice to keep every verb within A and B in "~ing" forms.  
  
Ex)  
1. She prefers to play basketball "over/to" to play baseball.  
2. She prefers playing basketball "over/to" playing baseball.  
Even though I can hardly tell the difference between them, the second choice will be more useful to preserve readability.  
  
Except these, your writing in general is very good and well-constructed. I hope this feedback will be helpful.
***Do you agree that money is the only motivation at work why people prefer working in the same company for many years?***  
It cannot be denied that the main reason why workers work and stay for ages in a company is to earn much money. This essay would firmly disagree about this idea since co-workers as whom they work with and the atmosphere at workplace also hold big role in it.  
  
Workmen would stay within years in one company due to the fact that they have made a close relationship with the colleagues. As social beings, workers agree that having a break with fellows that they are comfortable with becomes other reason why they still work at the same workplace. It is a burden to build a new other relation when workers have to move to another company. A conducted research that has been done on a cosmetic company in Korea two years ago proves that the huge numbers of employees are loyal to their company because of their colleagues' roles. Thus, it is not true that income is the only one factor that makes workers stay longer.  
  
Furthermore, the situation in a workplace also has pivotal influence on how long employees work in a company. Having a pleasant atmosphere could determine the working quality of employees. Since people who work must have busy hours, the company's atmosphere could relax and refresh them. A writer or an illustrator in a magazine company, for example, needs to meet a quite quiet or even a fun atmosphere in their company. Therefore, money is just one of many factors that encourage workers to stay for couple years in the same company.  
  
To sum up, being a loyal employee for a company does not always be determined by the amount of salary. Other factors such as works fellows and the atmosphere in the office can make workers cozy to work longer.
Ielts task 1 -difficulties in words usage and grammar  
  
I think my essay sounds a bit repeatable at times - and also have several mistakes.  
  
I will highly appreciate any kind of help in order to improve the essay and my overall writhing.  
  
The graph provides information about the amount of books, which have been read by  
men and women at Burnley library in the period between 2011 and 2014.  
  
In 2011, fifty thousand books have been read by women, which was nearly twice as much compared to the men, who have read only around 24 000 in this period. In the next year, the gap between woman and men have gone up by 20 000. Even though, an increase in the read books by males was experienced , it was far smaller, than the grow observed in the females sector.  
  
During 2013, after an enormous went up in the men interest in book, they were able to level the number scored by the women. In that year, males have read close to 50 000 books more than in the last year, which was a lot higher increase than the female one where the amount of read books exceeded by only 10 000. In the final year of the given period, the increasing trend in the males sector from the past year continued and by the end of the year, about 140 000 were read by them. The only decrease in the women number of read books was observed In 2014, where the amount of books diminished by 29 thousand, in order to became 70 00 or two times less than the men result.  
  
At the end of the day, both genres experienced an increase in the amount of books read throughout the given period. Overall, the went up in the male sector was significantly higher than the respective increase in the female one.
I think my essay sounds a bit repeatable at times - and also have several mistakes.  
  
I *will highly appreciate any kind of help* [i highly appreciate some kind of you in order to improve my essay and my overall ~~writhing~~ .writing  
  
... at Burnley library in the ~~period between~~ between 2011 to 2014.  
  
..., who read about *24 000 Book*in that time .  
  
In the final year ~~of the given period~~ , increased trend in the males ...  
... the books diminished by 29 ~~thousand,~~ 29000 in order to became ...  
  
your grammar is not good
Hello Lola12,  
  
just remind you to attach the picture or diagram  
  
... by males was experienced ,[need conjuction] it was far smaller, than ...  
  
In ~~that~~following year, males have read ...  
In the final year of the given period [need verb ], ~~the~~ increasing trend in the males ...  
~~The only decrease in~~ the women number decreased~~of~~ to read books which was observed In 2014...  
  
hope these help
hai lola  
here is my suggestions for you  
  
1. where is the graph ?  
  
2. In 2011, fifty thousand 500,000 (because only one word to transfrom from the number example, one - twenty)  
  
3.... who have read only around 24000 books in this period.  
  
4. using number without space or with comma such as 140,000 or 140000 do not use 140 000  
  
5. At the end of the day ?????? maybe directly to use In conclusion  
  
6. using dramatical, slightly, steadily, roughly, approximately to tell about the development in the graph (I recommended to read ielts advantage or ielts buddy)  
  
7. In the ~~final~~last year of the giventhis period, the increasing trend ...  
... diminished by 29 thousand, in order to became 70 00 or two times less than the men result. It is hard to me to give you about using the number **for example, the number of books increased dramatically to 3000 books**  
  
thank you
hi lola ^,^  
  
i would give you some feedback  
  
>>>put picture graph that you explain then readers can understand what you write  
  
>>>over a three-year period~~in the period between 2011 and 2014~~ . (try to paraphrase number or year in overview paragraph )  
  
>>> put coma among number you write such as (24,000 20,000 140,000)  
  
In 2011, ~~fifty thousand~~ (it is better to write with number ) 50,000 books have been read rather than twice time by women ~~was nearly twice as much~~ compared to men~~,~~ who have read ...  
  
... it was far smaller~~,~~(don not put coma between comparative) than the grow ...  
  
>>>~~At the end of the day~~choose transitional word indicating a conclusion such as ( in conclusion, to sum up, all in all etc..) but it is better to put an overview in the first paragraph as conclusion for writing task 1 and write in three paragraph  
  
hope it helps  
keep writing lola
***Do you agree that money is the only motivation at work why people prefer working in the same company for many years?***  
  
It is often said that salary of the particular company is one of contributing factors making the workers work in the same organisation. In my point of view, there are many other reasons for this trend, such as a comfortable feeling with the colleagues and executive, and the rule applied applied in that company.  
  
It is often accepted that being convenient with the co-workers and the boos is is one of main reasons the employees are loyal to work in the same place more than a decade. Working together with their partners helps them to reach their job prospect well. For instance, people who enjoy working in their workplace encourage them to reduce the great pressure on their work even though they face the huge problem. The present of loyal friends and understanding executive in the organisation is the virtual factor to create loyalty of the employees.  
  
Rules that are applied in the company are the other aspect that helps the jobholders find their soul to work in the same company. Many kinds of flexible law make the interested in their job, such as retirement funds and the free time or holiday. To illustrate, the organisation who gives their workers the constant holiday can be the way for the employees to spend more time with their family. The given clear regulations by the companies are the great motivation to make the workers comfortable with them.  
  
In conclusion, financial reward is not the only part to motivate the employee to be loyal. Humble executives, enjoyable work fellows, and the unburden laws are possible to be the other aspect encourages the people keep working in the same enterprise more than a decade.
Russel, you really are good at developing your reasons in support of a discussion. However, this strength of yours is held back by your improper grammar. Let me help you correct some of those below:  
  
It is often accepted that being ~~convenient~~ AT EASE  
- CONVENIENT MEANS SOMETHING IS EASY. YOUR SENTENCE WANTED TO SAY AT EASE WHICH MEANS RELAXED  
  
... co-workers and the ~~boos~~ BOSS  
- BOOS MEANS TO CREATE A SOUND THAT MEANS DISLIKE. A BOSS IS SOMEONE YOU WORK FOR OR HEADS YOUR DEPARTMENT.  
  
... are loyal to ~~work in~~ the same place FOR more than a decade.  
their partners helps them to reach their ~~job prospect~~~~well~~ FULL POTENTIAL.  
  
... their workplace ~~encourage them to reduce the great pressure on~~ FEEL LESS PRESSURE TO ~~their~~ work ...  
... face ~~the~~ A huge problem. The ~~present~~ PRESENCE of loyal friends and AN understanding ...  
... is the virtual factor ~~to~~ THAT createS loyal~~ty of the~~ employees.  
  
... that helps the ~~jobholders~~ WORKERS find their ~~soul~~ DESIRE to work in the same company.  
... flexible lawS make theM interested ... as retirement funds and ~~the free time or~~ holidayS.  
...organisation ~~who~~ gives their workers ~~the constant~~ holidayS can ~~be the way for~~ ALLOW the employees to ...  
~~The given clear regulations by the companies are the ...~~  
- THIS IS AN UNCLEAR SENTENCE THAT DOES NOT REALLY MAKE ANY SENSE IN THE DISCUSSION.  
  
... not the only part ~~to~~ THAT motivateS the employee ..., and the ~~unburden~~ RELAXED EMPLOYMENT laws are ~~possible to be~~ the other aspect THAT encourages the people TO keep working ...  
  
enterprise FOR more ...
**The colors of the clothes we wear, the colors of our possessions and the color that we decorate our homes say a lot about our personalities.  
  
How true is this statement?  
How far is color a direct reflection of personality?**  
  
The concepts of colors which we choose in our daily life resemble our personalities such as the colors of decoration in our house,the colors of possesions, and the colors of the clothing in which we wear. The opinion about every color has different effect on our psychology is slightly true.Colors tricks are used by experts to direct people's feelings.  
  
The appearance of color is connected with feeling and mood. This is because wavelengths of light may have some impacts in our brain. An author of a book "The Beginner's Guide to Color Psychology" said that colors have an effect of electro-magnetic radiation which can influence people's mood and behaviour. For instance, grey reflect a psychological neutrality so that Apple and Wikipedia use it in their logos to make people calm. Also, Red is a color of passion so that many women wear red to get their date heart racing.  
  
When people go to a place, they are influence by the walls or the furniture because human brain gets affected by the atmosphere of the place the person gets in. In the Color Emotion Book said that some architects use yellow to decorate a house so that the owners feel more cheerful and optimism. Despite this, not only colors which can affect people's feeling but also music also can change mood.  
  
Music can increase people's mood especially upbeat music since the rhythm and pitch of music are managed in some areas of the brain which is dealing with emotions and mood. A 2013 study in the Journal of Positive Psychology by Ferguson and Sheldon found that people who listened to upbeat music could improve their moods and boost their happiness in just two weeks.  
  
To conclude, color have an effect to influence people feelings and it is proven by some experts, but there is another item which affect feelings such a upbeat music.
Hi Farida  
here some suggestions to improve your writing  
  
Apple and Wikipedia use it in their logo~~s~~ (each of them has only one logo)  
  
You need to focus on your writing questions  
The colors of the clothes we wear  
the colors of our possessions  
the color that we decorate our homes  
(these are three parts that you need to explain deeply)  
  
you do not need to add information about music since it doesn't be asked, moreover you put it on your conclusion. it is to avoid out of topic  
  
in addition, your statements have not been strong enough to answer the second question  
  
Always do your Best  
Cheer up
**In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?**  
  
The giant cooperation is getting larger in the city cent re. One of the solutions given by the authority is to relocate their buildings outside the downtown. While this policy would cause several demerits in relocation point, I do believe that moving the industries to rural area has many advantages than disadvantages.  
  
Pollution is one of the drawbacks when some industries move to remote area. Innumerable vehicles surely will pass outside the city and the high risk of cars and motorcycles pollution makes the quality of fresh air is hard to be found. The increase of population is another demerit of this issue, and the gradual problem will be the increase of crime rate in rural area same as happened in metropolis. Finally pollution and population will be the possible effects if relocation of business and industries dislocated outside the downtown.  
  
Despite this, there are several advantages of moving the giant corporations to remote area. One of the prominent/major benefits is the infrastructure will be developed in regional area such as public transportation and gas station. In addition, displacing big industries to backwater will add many job opportunities for the inhabitants. To illustrate, the local dwellers can apply for a job in the particular organisation that had moved to their place, or even they can make their own job field such as building restaurants and mini markets. Moreover, by taking policy to dislocate industries outside the city centre by the government will ease unbalanced population between the downtown and remote area.  
  
All in all, I do believe that the policy maker should displace such a giant industries to regional zones which it can enhance the living standard of the rural inhabitants and increase the economical earnings of those areas.
Russel, you actually crafted your essay in a manner that shows an understanding of the prompt. You were able to discuss, in your own way, the advantages and disadvantages of relocating giant industries. Your reasons are logical and commonly known. However, the paragraphs would have created a better discussion if you had managed to offer more than just an overview of the advantages and disadvantages through a more thorough discussion of the topics you presented. Maybe offering at least 3 discussion sentences as part of each reason. Like i said though, the essay is good enough as it stands, but it could have been better.  
  
Also, when you present the essay content, remember to follow the format that the prompt provides it in. Therefore, the advantages should have been presented before the disadvantages. That is because the disadvantage discussion is the main focus of the essay. Being the actual topic means that the disadvantage discussion should have been presented as the stronger discussion towards the middle of the essay. That way your concluding paragraph is better helped by the previous statement.  
  
Your conclusion is also too short. Try to make it longer next time by doing an actual summary of the prompt before restating your facts and closing sentence. That is the normal format for a conclusion that should always be followed.
***Some people think that online computer game is useful for children, while others claim is bad. What are advantages and disadvantages of online computer game for children?***  
  
The number of children playing games through internet has increased slightly over the years. While such games can wander children concentration in studying, this also helps students improve their cognitive skills.  
  
Playing games causes the children spend much of their time in front of the computer or smartphone and as the result they neglect their homework. Children or even teenager who addict in playing online games will ignore their subject which should be their top priority. It can be noticed that children spend at least two hour in finishing their games which actually they can spend those time to review their materials. In addition, playing games can be such a bad role model for them. Many games contented with bad actions like destroying and fighting, hence it is worried children can imitate it in their daily life.  
  
On the other hand, games also can be an alternative to train children brain. Due to the reason that games are full of strategies to be finished. Playing games can enhance the working of children's brain and teach them to be more creative through problem solving case. Besides, games are the fun way for children to learn foreign language. Most of online games using international language thus force them to understand the language indirectly. Additionally, games influences the way children understand about the enhancement of technology which they do not get in the school.  
  
To recapitulate, online games make the children do not focus totally on their study and imitate the action showed on the games. However, playing games can give a great deal in brain development language acquisition of children.
DRAW YOUR FUTURE  
  
BY PATTY DOBROWOLSKI  
  
Drawing your future is one way show that you take control of your life. By illustrating your own future life will create movement, pull it your hearts, and unite nation. All you need to do is drawing; even you do not know how to draw well. Draw your life now and your life will be then put on the colours and emotions to make you feel that it will be real someday. Everyday when you wake up, you see your picture and you feel hypnotize to do something better, it trains your brain to believe it. As we know that left brain thinks about critics and right brain thinks about imagination, thus you need to see your picture of your currently condition and sent the critics to your left brain hence your right brain attract to imagine something to be more creative. Your brain knows you perfectly well, but you need to guide it by yourself to be straight with your wish.  
  
Three workable steps that lead your wish to be in reality are look at your picture, then believe it that it is surely will happen, and act on it
Hi Cachaaaaaaaa, it's a nice and valuable writing then. However, I have some suggestions for you.  
  
All you need to do is drawing~~;~~ even if you do not know ...  
... and your life will be ??? (what is going to be?) then put on the colours ...  
..., picture and you feel to be hypnotized to do something better, ...  
..., thus you need to see ~~your picture of your currently condition~~your current condition picture and sent the critics ...  
  
Best regards