dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
When asked to write an extent response, do your best to actually quantify your response with a type of emotional measurement. Do not use a basic dis/agree response because that in an incomplete response and will only be partially scored. Indicate a reference to a full, strong, or partial measurement to your dis/agreement to create a properly formatted openmon that will receive full scoring credits. That said, I have to commend the well written discussion short form. It shows the direction the reasoning paragraphs will be taking.  
  
Since the instruction does not include a comparison reference, you do not need to justify the opposing side. The examiner will base the C + C score of the essay on how well you defend your opinion using one or 2 reasons. The current explanation set up will be considered lacking in writer reasoning development. The opposing paragraph will not be considered in the scoring process. It will lower the C + C score.  
  
There are also punctuation lesage problems here. An apostrophe is not always needed when representing the plural form ofa word. Please familiarize yourself with punctuation usage rules overall to prevent future GRA deductions. Comma usage, run-on sentences (specially in the conclusion) , and other grammar problems also abound. This should be a major concern for you since this is a major scoring section in the test.
I am also studying for the IELTS, and I can hardly imagine a candidate who can write a 440 word essay in 40 minutes and give such a professional explanation (the type of explanation I can only see in research reports). I might not even spell 'cortisol' correctly in the real exam. In fact, the IELTS writing test does not measure your professional knowledge, it is an English language level test. You just need to have reasonable logic to justify your opinion, accurate data or relevant scientific research are not necessary.  
  
And there are a lot of grammatical mistakes in your paper. Although IELTS is allowed to make some grammatical errors, too many grammatical errors, especially low-level errors, will make your GRA (Grammatical Range and Accuracy) score very low.  
  
The most frequent ones to watch out for are misspelling, redundancy or confusion in articles, and errors in the use of parts of speech.  
  
Here are some examples of incorrect use of parts of speech. I hope you can understand.  
1. In the last sentence of paragraph 1, 'support' should use its gerund form, 'supporting'.  
2. In the second paragraph, you should use the adjective 'increasing' to describe noun phrases, not the adverb 'increasingly'  
  
At the same time, the spelling mistakes are also very noteworthy.  
In your paper, spell 'with' as' wth 'in the last sentence of the second paragraph. In the second sentence of the third paragraph, 'thinking' is spelled 'thingking'. In the fourth sentence of the third paragraph, if I understand correctly, you mean 'a sad love tragedy'. You wrote 'a sad love stragedy'. In the last sentence of paragraph 3, you spelled 'successfully' instead of 'sucessfully' and 'responsibility' instead of 'responsibilty'.  
  
Although some of these mistakes will not affect reading, they will lower your IELTS writing score.  
And compassion is an uncountable noun, it has no even form.  
  
I hope my reply can help you prepare for IELTS writing. Good luck!
## TASK II QUESTION

  
In some parts of the world it is becoming popular to research the history of one's own family. why might people want to do this? is it a positive or negative development?  
  
Conducting research regarding their own family is more popular as this can attract hereditary diseases from family members. I strongly believe that this information could bring benefit younger keenly aware of their health, decreasing congenital disease.  
  
Research on the past of family members is for attracting hereditary diseases, so the research would have information about families member who might have a certain disease. That is to say, the researcher will be gathering all information concerning the medical history of family members from past to present whereas they would analyze the information.  
  
The information from historical research on family is useful for younger who have the congenital disease for helping them more aware of their illness, so they begin to change their habits to a healthy lifestyle, taking care of healthy food. If the research is compiled information with comprehensive, the young generation with the congenital disease has a wide opportunity to live longer.  
  
In conclusion, the young generation has more opportunities to avoid the risk of congenital disease because of information that researchers had been attracted by the research history of medical families. If possible, the research should be done regularly to prevent new one of illnesses.
Since this a task 2 essay , it should meet the 250 minimum word requirement. Writing only 198 words will result in an overall failing score since the lacking word count will result in applicable task score reduction. The writer appears to be currently unfamiliar with Task 2 writing requirements so he should familiarize himself with these first.  
  
Serious grammar issues related to word usage and sentence formation have resulted in a difficult to understand writing piece. I literally found it difficult to understand his written thoughts. He fails to write with any clear sense most of the time. He will definitely fail in the C + C section. This is seriously a non-passing essay presentation. I strongly urge him to enroll in ESL classes to fix this specific problem.  
  
I will reserve further comments and observations about his writing problems at this point. It is already obvious that he did not do a good job with this essay. I have pointed out his major problem points. I hope he can address these before he tries to write another essay of any sort in relation to the IELTS test.
I'm not going to judge your performance in TA, LR and CC. Holt has already made a comprehensive assessment, and my understanding of the other three is not comprehensive. I will only talk about your grammar mistakes.  
  
1. You need to be aware of some formatting issues, including capitalizing the first letter of the first word of the sentence.  
  
2. In the second paragraph, you wrote 'families member'. I'm sorry this is a wrong expression, it's a fixed phrase 'family members'.  
  
3. In paragraph 4, you cannot say 'for younger who'. 'younger' is not a noun, it is an adjective and therefore cannot be the object of a sentence. Better to replace it with 'younger people who'.  
  
4. In paragraph 4, what do you mean by "If the research is compiled information with comprehensive"? If I understand you correctly, you probably mean 'If research compiles the information comprehensively'.  
  
5. At the end of paragraph 4 and at the beginning of paragraph 5, you wrote 'young generation'. The correct set phrase is' younger generation '.  
  
Also, I really have a hard time understanding what you're trying to say in your conclusion paragraph.  
  
I hope these suggestions will help you prepare better for IELTS writing. I'm looking forward to seeing your improvement in your next essay.  
  
Have a nice day!
***Nowadays, an increasing number of people with health problems are using alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their normal doctor.***  
## Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

  
  
In recent years, it has become far more normal for people with health problems not to visit their normal doctor as much as use alternative medicines and treatments. In my opinion, this trend has brought both benefits and drawbacks.  
  
The trend toward using medicines or kinds of cure is gaining in the light of several factors, chief of which is convenience and speed of solving health issues. Patients can look for information about their health problems and treatments on the Internet without wasting time, money to hospitals or clinics. For instance, only by clicking and tapping on the electronic devices, numerous results about health issues will be displayed, people easily find and choose suitable remedies and treatments. Furthermore, this is likely to make people become more active in following and swiftly solving their health issues.  
  
Besides the aforementioned advantages, I do believe that the rising popularity of using alternative medicines and cures rather than visiting doctors also has negative things. When patients go to hospital or private clinics, they can receive good professional advice from their doctor. If people find out about treatments by themselves or use functional products, they will be able to face up to risk. By contrast, there is hardly any risk in doctor's prescriptions. The quality of human's health will drop when myriad people with health issues who don't have major knowledge use alternative medicines and treatments by themselves.  
  
In short, the increase of people who have health problems using alternative medicines and treatments instead of going to clinics is not totally positive or negative.
The writer was on point with his topic rewording. It was close to the ouginal even though the sentence structure is incorrect. Never combine 2 sets of information in one sentence. That is definitely a deduction point. Then, the writer did not provide a clear single opinion for the presentation. Since the option given for the discussion was "or", it is a single opinion indicator. He may only discuss both options in response to a comparative writing instruction such as "discuss both views". As the actual prompt question was not properly responded to, the writer will be given a score based upon an unclear opinion.  
  
Partial scores will then be provided throughout because of the incorrect response format. A situation that will prevent the essay from possibly receiving a passing score. This is because the writer has shown evidence of poor English comprehension skills based upon the way he misunderstood and wrongly responded to the prompt question.  
  
These are worrisome reasons that require immediate attention. While his discussions are acceptable, there were not applicable to the discussion format. Familiarization with Task 2 writing prompts in necessary.
***Scientific research should be carried out by the governments rather than private companies***  
## agree or disagree?

  
  
Some people enunciate the idea that government should be supervised and handled by the authority rather than private companies. I concur with this opinion because the government can have profound positive impacts on the development of the project.  
  
On the other hand, the government makes the research project more stable and more controlled. For example, the government can cooperate with different countries to expand the plan. For instance, to find the radical solution of safety protection for experimental characters. Both countries will help each other to resolve the issues. A private company can't take care of them. Secondly, only the government can have the power to spend enormous financial assistance on various scientific projects and compensate pf damage.  
  
Another option could be that the goal of the government in conducting research is the benefits the people If the scientific project back by private enterprise. It just cares about the marketing strategies. It will do illegal research for their purpose.  
  
In conclusion, I agree with the idea of putting the scientific research carried out by the government so that success, accuracy, and applicability can be secured.
A task 2 essay assesses the everyday English vocabulary of the test taker. While having a wide vocabulary is good for the LR score, the use of advanced, profession specific vocabulary tends to lower the LR score so using   
  
enunciate  
and   
  
concur  
did not help the essay score. It does not feel natural to read these words in an everyday conversational essay. Ordinary word usage would have scored better. Never atsome that this is a vocabulary knowledge test because it is not. Other than that, the restatement and opinion presentation works well. The response format is correct.  
  
The use of  
  
On the other hand  
is only applicable when writing comparative essays. That is because the paired phrases (On the one hand) go hand in hand in individual paragraph development. It cannot be properly used in a single opinion essay. Regardless, the reasoning paragraphs are properly targeted and presented.  
  
can't  
Always spell out the whole word to avoid GRA scoredowns due to the use of contractions. An academically unacceptable writing practice.  
  
the conclusion would have worked better if it had followed the 2 sentence, 40 word format instead of this run-on sentence. It just doesn't allow for proper sentence style mixing for GRA benefits.
There are some grammatical mistakes in your paper:  
1.the article before the noun cannot be omitted, so it is better to put an article like 'the' before the noun 'government'.  
2.And in the last sentence of the second paragraph, perhaps accidentally, did this 'pf' mean 'for'?  
3.In the third paragraph, should it be 'scientific project' supported by 'private enterprise' instead of 'scientific project' supported 'private enterprise'? So the verb 'back' should be in the passive form 'be done', and it's better to change it to 'is backed'.  
  
4.this "the" in the last sentence of the third paragraph can be deleted. After all, you are not referring to a particular marketing strategy, and you cannot add the definite article if you are not referring to it.  
  
And your paper is too short. IELTS task 2 requires at least 250 words.  
  
In fact, your grammar mistakes are relatively few, you will become better after some preparation. Have a nice day!
## the transformation of shopping

  
***In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby.***  
  
In recent days, shopping is not considered as a responsibility anymore. Otherwise, it has increasingly become a leisure activity that people are really into. I do believe that this transformation has its pros and cons as two sides of a coin.  
  
There are many compelling reasons why shopping became ubiquitous pastime for people in all ages. Initially, this activity can cheer people up. It is undeniable that purchasing something new makes we feel blissful and fulfill. For example, spending money on shopping does wonders for our mood whenever we are down. Moreover, shopping time is quality time for family to gather every weekends. In fact, many people have to work from dusk till dawn to bring home bacon, resulting less together time with beloved ones. We can witness that there are numerous family or couples spend their weekends shopping around in shopping malls.  
  
On the other hand, shopping adversely affects people who are obsessed with shopping all over the world. It is true that shopping will be a positive habit if we can take its advantages. Nevertheless, it may cause us get into huge debt because of spending recklessly for inessentials. Another negative results of this tendency is the effect it has on youngsters, who spend time on shopping centers with their friends instead of in school or library, for instance. Shopping is a time as well as money consuming, so it will be better for them to try healthier habits such as learning a sport or travelling.  
  
In conclusion, while the potential advantages of shopping make it seem like a good idea, I suppose that this hobby does not completely benefit for consumers. We should mull over before purchasing things to avoid financially and mentally draining.
The essay will immediately receive a failing preliminary score. The writer has not followed the writing instruction as provided. He actually changed the writing instruction from the orginal single opinion essay to a comparative discussion instruction. While the writer did provide an opinion, it is not the correct or expected opinion presentation. Therefore, the writer has not fulfilled the major TA requirements. Receiving a non-passing score so early in the assessment process will definitely be a huge stumbling block to this essay receiving a passing score in the end.  
  
Also unhelpful to the overall incorrect discussion format is the incorrect concluding summary as well. The writer presented an uncertain opinion that does not relate at all to the original discussion. This created an additional unacceptable and incorrect discussion conclusion. I am afraid this essay will definitely get a failing score.  
  
In order to avoid future problems with response writing, the writer should learn the difference between the single opinion and comparative discussion prompts. That should be easy to identify using the following reminders:  
  
Single Opinion:  
- Do you agree or disagree  
- To what extent ...  
- Give your opinion and provide examples  
  
Comparison:  
- Discuss the advantage or disadvantage  
- What are the pros and cons  
- Discuss both views and give your opinion  
  
These are the more commonly used writing instructions that can help the writer tell the difference in response styles.
## percentage of deaths by gender due to the covid-19 disease

  
  
The bar chart visualizes Covid-19 diseases attack both sexes, and the majority of people dying because of it are men rather than women in several countries. Overall, men in Italy and Denmark are far higher dying than women due to Covid-19 diseases, while Danish women are the least ones dying compared to other countries in Europe and Asia.  
  
Initially, albeit just under a half of men in France experience death, Italian and Danish men remain the highest dying among other countries because of Covid-19 infection, accounting for 71%. While women in France dying have nearly the same huge percentage as the Iranian women, taking up well under fifty.  
  
Moreover, both men and women citizens in China have dying cases with similar trend data to Portugal at 64% and 36% respectively. Meanwhile, the rate of women in Italy and Denmark have the same dying cases at around 29%. This is also happening to women in Spain and Germany where they get Covid-19 symptoms until they die with approximately 35%  
  
*
While the word count was properly met in the presentation, the correct page formatting was not applied so formatting dedu,ctions will need to be reflected in the score. Sentence structuring is also off based on incorrect grammar, punctuation and confusing thought presentations. GRA deductions could very well result in an overall failing score for the essay at this point. Incomplete explanations and paragraph writing will have even higher Negative scoring effects. A paragraph is partially completed with 3 sentences. It is fully developed with 5 sentences.  
  
The writer has done his best to provide a proper analysis of the information. He has the ability to pick-out pertinent information for presentation. Based on this ability, he just needs to further develop his written discussion skills. He must strive to write 300 words to achieve his target band score or, get close to it. I look forward to guiding his progress over the coming days.
## Guitar Makes a Comeback to Pop Music

  
  
The guitar is making a comeback to popular music. As of recent, there have been many people learning guitar. Since the COVID-19 pandemic, people have picked up the guitar as a new hobby. And some are also starting to write songs. As of late, many songs in the charts today have a lot more guitar use in songs than ever in years. Genres in the past, such as rock and country, have a significant amount of guitar playing, but pop music has recently lacked guitars. However, more and more guitars have been used in many hit songs in the past couple of years.  
  
In the decades, the age of mainstream pop music dropped into two categories: guitar, sound, and bass groups or singers supported by the conventional orchestra. Since early in this period, it was common for pop producers, songwriters, and engineers to freely experiment with rhythmic structure, instrumentation, artificial reverb, and different sound effects. Some best-known instances are Phil Spector's wall of sound and Joe Meek's usage of homemade electronic results in performances like The Tornados. Simultaneously, pop music on the radio in American and British cinema went from sophisticated metal to more unconventional songwriting and integrated reverb-drenched rock guitar, symphonic strings, and trumpets played by groups of decently ordered and rehearsed working musicians.  
  
Sound has been around for some years, and it's not going out soon. You get sounds from The Beatles and The Who, and even their music is still equally warm today as it was back when it was first released. Still, there have also been some rappers and artists that get taken as "cheesy pop" today. Cheesy sound isn't as terrible as it sounds though it puts a lot into doubt when establishing sound as a challenging and excellent music style. Some popular music is reasonable and provides a lot, but worse. Some artists hit this mark in the music industry and made it the standout and standard field of music.  
  
Nevertheless, some artists have butchered this pop culture and haven't gotten the best of their talents. It occurs, but this doesn't wish to have pop music isn't great music because it is. Remember, sound's been about for decades, and it's growing stronger by this time. Therefore, there exist so many who see sound as the stable house of the music business.  
  
Three categories that I think can help my essay are attention to detail, coherency, and avoid repetition. Attention to detail helps to get my point across because I know that there are some details I am missing throughout the draft. But with some time, that can help immensely. Coherency because I know sometimes, I can write multiple lines and it would still be one sentence. I would say I should try to separate sentences or make smaller sentences instead of making one gargantuan sentence that wouldn't make sense in the end. And avoiding repetition would help a lot because I know that I repeat a lot of information, so avoiding it as much as I could help enormously.
The essay would also benefit from more popular song mentions in relation to guitar use a rhythm basis. You are assuming too much that the person reading this paper will have a music background. That may notalways be the case. Always consider the non-musician point of view who may need some hand holding or simpler explanations to understand the article. Try to use more recent popular composer references and song titles. That way the reader can pretty much hear what you are talking about in his head, leading to an easier understanding of your writing purpose. You already mentioned the technical aspects of writing you need to address so I do not need to repeat those mentions. What I can add, is that you need to better reference your source material in the sections were taken from other sources. The paper badly needs in-text citations and referencing based on the required writing style.