dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Computer is one of among revolutionary inventions that changes the world. When was the first computer invented? According to science.howstuffworks," The device conceived and designed by British mathematician Charles Babbage between 1833 and 1871". And nowadays, computer becomes a means making our society better not only because of its convenient but also of its huge impact.  
  
A computer can be a source of information and improve your communication. With the power of the internet technology, this device can give you anything you need to know by using "Google" or many searching page on the internet. This is a big advantage for people who don't have time to find the information in library or witness themselves. In the past, we used to send letters to contact people that far away but with the computer we can communicate easily by using social network or even make friend with people around the world.  
  
There are various type of entertainment as the computer can be your best entertainment tool. Many forms of entertainment are created for computer by the high technology due to the demand of people. Home entertainment now is improved by music and video games. The device also helps develop the gaming industry with lots of tournaments by competed directly in game using computers played by team teams.  
  
But thing has good side also has the bad one. Computer can be used to create crime. Hackers use computer illegally to get personal information or the top secret one from a company, a organization or even the government for their own good. Programed carefully, computer can automatically create virus files that harm other computers.  
  
Computer is such a wonderful machine. I believe it will keep being developed with advance technology in the future. But for those who use computer should aware of the bad side of this device if they don't want to be a victim of computer crime.
Huy, you have mistakenly used coordinate connectors (but, and) as your cohesive device in some sentences in your essay. Those are coordinate connectors and are not supposed to be placed in the beginning of the sentence. In academic writing, placing them in the beginning of the sentence would make the essay becomes less formal or even can be inappropriate for a number of reasons. This is why you are obliged to give the prompt of your essay, so that we are able to match your essay with the given prompt. It is conducted in order to determine whether your essay has successfully answered the prompt or not. Those words can easily be replaced by some proper cohesive devices such as, However/Nevertheless (to replace 'but'), and Additionally/In addition/Furthermore/Moreover (to replace 'and'). These feedback might look simple but it would be really helpful if you pay more attention to it and try to NOT fall into the same mistake again.
In your essay, you mostly focused on the usage of computers using "the Internet". But before the Internet was available, computers had and still have a lot of benefits as well.  
  
You might want to talk about the following benefits which don't necessarily require the Internet:  
  
1-Storing data: A small computer can store billions of pages of documents which can fit only in a huge building.  
2-Quick access information: You can access the intended information in seconds while it could hours if it's on papers.  
3-Cost saving: A computer is capable of doing tasks in minutes which can manually be done by tens of people in days.
The given bar chart informs the comparisons about someland's main exports in 2005 and 2015 and projected exports in 2015. There are three exported products such as meat products, dairy products, and international tourism. It is noticeable that tourism sector contributed the most someland's income while the least earning was supplied by the meat products.  
  
Between 2005 and 2015, the dairy products increased dramatically from USD 4.5 billion to approximately USD 8 billion. During the same period, the tourism sector escalated gradually by around USD 1 billion while the bar chart of meat products showed a decrease to below USD 4 billion in 2015.  
  
By 2025, a number of projected meat products exports will continue its negative trend, it will shrink slightly to USD 3 billion. But the export amount of international tourism will twice as much as exported meat products. By contrast, dairy products will diminish slightly by USD 0.2 billion. (152 words)  
  
**note: drop your inputs followed by clear explanation**  
  
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Hi let me give you some grammar corrections and my suggestions:  
The given bar chart ~~informs the comparisons about~~compares someland's main...  
  
There are three exported products ~~such as~~: meat products,...  
  
~~It is noticeable that~~The tourism sector contributed the most ~~someland's income~~earning while the meat products supplied the least earning ~~was supplied by the meat products~~ .  
  
USD 1 billion while the ~~bar chart of~~ meat products ~~showed a~~ decrease to ~~below~~less than USD 4 billion in 2015.  
  
By 2025, it is expected that~~a~~the number of projected (...) its negative trend, ~~it will shrink~~shrinking to USD 3 billion.  
  
~~But the~~The export ~~amount~~ of international tourism will increase by twice as much ...  
~~By~~In contrast, dairy products ...  
  
First paragraph comments:  
The first paragraph is good in that it explains what you will talk about and summarizes the data overall well.  
  
Second paragraph comments:  
For this paragraph, I think you should talk in order, meaning talk about the meat products first then dairy then tourism because this is the order that the chart goes. Therefore, you might want to change up your conclusions accordingly.  
  
Third paragraph comments:  
In the third paragraph I see what you are trying to say and I would recommend that you refer to the future when you are talking about years like 2025. Examples of phrases include: "it is expected that..." "we can predict that..." or anything that you can come up with. I would not really use the phrase "it will..." because although the chart does show that prediction, we are still in the year 2016.  
  
These are my suggestions and comments. Should you have any other questions I can assist you.
**QUESTION:**  
The graph below shows the number of university graduates of university in Canada from 1992 to 2007  
  
**ANSWER:**  
  
The graph illustrates an overview about the number of graduated scholars from a third level of education in Canada, over the last fifteen years. Overall, the both sex learners who graduated in the first two-years were declined slightly. However the female students reached a peak over the last five years.  
  
Initially, the female proportion broke the record as the highest one. This was followed by male level with roughly 70,000. By the next year the quantities of females were decreased slowly in 100,000 within three years and increased steadily by 1,000 graduates in 2000 while the proportion of male was decreased and increased gradually within six years.  
  
Eventually, the largest number of Canadian learners who were graduated from the third level of education was females. Between 2000 and 2006 males were increased approximately by 25,000 of graduates yet the Canadian females were climbed to reach a peak by 45,000 graduates.  
  
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I can see some grammatical errors that need addressing.  
  
"The graph illustrates an overview [...] a peak over the last five years. "  
  
This could be improved as follows:  
  
"The graph illustrates the number of graduates of a third level of education in Canada, over the last 15 years. The graduation rate of both sexes initially declined. However, from around 2001 onwards, the number of female students rose dramatically, reaching a peak in 2006."  
  
Hope this helps.
**The information technology devices have many drawbacks on personal relationship between people.** In my view, I tend to agree with the statement as several negative impacts exist, although I do also deliver positive effect of electronic media on personal relation.  
  
First of all, the elctronic media have advantage in the communication which we can use interesting features like facebook, twitter, and whatsapp application which available in information devices and very easily we use because it only touch the screen and we can keep in touch with our friends in social networking without the limitation of distance and times. However, this positive impact can become negative impact to our direct communication in real life.  
  
The electronic media give some disadvantages in the relation, for the example, if we usually use the media because the interesting features on social medias, someone will ignore to their environment which it is caused by the utilizing of these media that give some comfortable using such as flexible place and efficient time when we use. Finally, many people tend to enjoyable interact with their friends in social networking than in real life and the responsibility of someone will decrease also will create the individual life in the society.  
  
In my conclusion, the information technology devices have more disadvantage in the direct communication in their real social life than advantage which they get. I suggest that the using of electronic media must be controlled and must remember the purpose to increase communication with other people in large range without ignore in the social life where they live.
Hello  
You have a good summary  
I have some corrections for you  
  
... negative impacts exist **far outweigh than positive**, although I do also (...) media on **personal relation**.  
*(i think it is better for you to add your notions in the introduction)*  
  
First of all, the ~~elctronic~~**electronic** media have advantage in the communication which we can use interesting (...) whatsapp application**.**which**It**available in information devices and very easily**.**~~we use~~**The reason for this that**~~because~~~~it only~~**the feature provide to just** touch the screen ...  
  
*(the sentence is too long to read, you can separate it into several parts for making readers can get your point)*  
... impact can become **the** negative impact to ...  
  
... disadvantages in the **relation**, for the example, ...  
~~that~~**It** give some comfortable (...) time when we use **the tools**.  
~~also~~**In addition, it** will create **alteration in** the individual life in the society.  
  
In ~~my~~ conclusion, the information technology devices have more disadvantage ...*(i think it is better you state again your notions after this sentence)*  
I suggest that the using of electronic media must be controlled and must remember the purpose to ~~increase~~**stay** communication with other people ~~in large range~~ without ignore in ...  
  
*Overall, you give the explanation clear as you mention the benefit first and the drawback in the body II of paragraph*  
  
Thanks
hi yika,  
  
> the first think that i realize from your essay is your essay does not well structured. it would be better if you put or mention your idea in your introduction paragraph.  
  
> secondly, your body paragraph is not well structured also. it should contain several aspect :  
1. Your MAIN IDEA  
2. EXPLANATION  
3. EXAMPLE  
4. RESULT  
5. CONCLUSION  
> when it come to CC (coherence and cohesion), i think your ideas were great, but it lack of coherence, example does not match with main idea.  
  
> another main issue is grammar and lexical resource, sometimes you use disorganize structure, leading to some vague sentences, so here are my correction for you  
  
...although I do also deliver positive effect of...  
( .. although i do also believe that there are positive effect of ...)  
  
> your first body has very long sentence, it would be better if you cut it. here my correction for you  
First of all, the electronic medias have advantage in the communication. It is because we can use interesting features like facebook, twitter, and whatsapp application which available in information devices. It also easy to use because we just only touch the screen and we can keep in touch with our friends in social networking without the limitation of distance and times. NEED EXAMPLE HERE However, this positive impact can become negative impact to our direct communication in real life.  
  
you can continue to fix your essay, i hope my suggestion will help.  
thank you, keep writing and break a leg.
A breakdown of the number of wasting output in several countries from 1980 to 2000, a 20-year periods presented in table. Overall, the amount of waste producing increased gradually. In any case, America saw the highest waste production, while the figure for Portugal and Ireland showed reverse.  
  
It is noticeable that US was by far the most popular of waste output for the majority of twenty years period. However, there was a dramatic rose from 1980 to 2000 by 61 over the year. Compared to Portugal and Ireland stood at under 2, by 2000, the number of waste producing in both countries grew minimally to 5, which was the low level of waste production.  
  
By contrast, in 1980 waste production in Japan was representing at 28, while in Poland just at 4. Interestingly though, Korea produced none waste in the beginning of period, but it had upwards trend over following 20 years at 19. As the same way, the waste output in Japan and Poland rose gradually to 53 (Japan) and 6.6 (Poland).  
  
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Hello let me give you my grammar suggestions:  
  
in several countries from 1980 to 2000~~, a 20-year periods~~is presented in table.  
  
~~In any case~~The figure shows that America saw the highest waste production, while ~~the figure for~~ Portugal and Ireland ~~showed reverse~~saw the lowest .  
  
However, there was a dramatic ~~rose~~increase from 1980 to 2000 by 61 over the ~~year~~years .  
  
... Japan was ~~representing~~represented at 28, while in Poland just at 4.  
  
Interestingly ~~though~~ , Korea did not produce waste~~produced none waste~~ in the beginning of period, but it had ~~upwards~~an upward trend over the following 20 years at 19. ~~As the same way~~Likewise , the waste output in Japan ...  
  
This is a solid piece of interpretation for the figure. My only advice for you is that you may want to word things a little bit differently. And use google for any phrases in your writing. For instance, use likewise instead of as the same way . Just look up transition words and phrases that will fit into your writing. In this way, you will find your writing flowing smoothly. If you finish your revision I can look at it again, if you would like.
**In some countries it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Almost every country thinks smoking in public areas as a detrimental issue. The government has enacted some rules regarding this action. I would agree that this way can prevent non-smokers from serious disease. The other is that the authority has built some smoking areas which can reduce this activity.  
  
Banning smokers to smoke in public areas such as hospital, school, or bus should be undertaken as non-smokers are hard to breathe near them. This is because there will be bad effects on their health and some disease can occur to them even though they do not smoke. A report from World Health Organisasion experts said that more than 600,000 people including 165,000 children die every year because they stay around people who smoke. Despite this, people should avoid going to places where many smokers stay there.  
  
There are also some countries which provide smoking license and allow smoking in some public building. This is because the government has built certain rooms or smoking area that makes smokers can stay in that place without disturbing another people. For instance, Abu Dhabi International Airport terminals are non-smoking buildings which are enclosed smoking lounges and booths in each of the terminals where smokers can enjoy exceptional air quality while having a cigarette there. This results in non-smoking people not be mingled with the active ones.  
  
To sum up, providing the law about the limitation of smoke area should be encouraged since it can reduce the harmful effects especially for the people around smokers. To make this happen, the government should provide special rooms for people who smoke since it will not affect the others.
Nur, your task accuracy score is 3. Yes, it is a failing score. Why did you fail? Consider the prompt requirements. The final instruction for you is to discuss whether you agree or disagree that is it fair to have smokers leave a building when they feel the urge to smoke. You did not represent that topic in the opening statement which is supposed to be a paraphrasing and summary of the original instructions given to you for the essay. That is the main focus of the task accuracy requirement. That shows your ability to understand English instructions and you failed to prove that you can do that.  
  
You chose to discuss laws that banning smoking in buildings and other facilities rather than presenting your opinion on the topic provided. Failure to properly understand the task requirements has resulted in an overall failure of your essay to comply with all 3 remaining scoring brackets. Therefore, there is no way that this essay would have passed in an actual exam setting. You will have failed this particular portion of the overall test requirements.
## Stress - an integral part of modern life

  
  
Stress is not a new phenomenon. It was caused among our daily life activities. When stressed, there will be lots of negative emotions which may affect badly to our heath. In my opinion, there are three main factors leading to stress. They are working environment, financial condition and family issue.  
  
In a certain age, people will have to work in order to earn their living which means they have to face a new environment in the working place. When working during long hours or having a heavy workload, you will feel stressful every time going to work. Even your leader and teammate sometime don't cooperate with you. Under that circumstance, stress comes will be a matter of time.  
  
Each of us has different finance to worry about. Successfully settling financial problems let us stay away from pressure. However, if you fail in managing your own finance, it will lead you in a state of stress. For example, you don't have enough money to pay bills or your salary is not enough to feed your family and even an unexpected accident happens to you taking away lots of money... When those things happen, stress comes.  
  
Finally, I want to mention about stress occur in family issue. A familiar condition leading to stress can be an argument or a conflict with your family member. After that you will have a short-term stress and this kind of stress is easily to pass. But if things become tensions such as a divorce, it will impact on all the family members and creates a long-term stress which may have a serious effect especially on children.  
  
Stress always happens in our life. In my point of view, stress is just a challenge. Some people lets themselves under control, others try their best to get through stress in order to have a happier life. You want to be a victim under stress or you want to be a survivor, I think you already have the answer.
Hi,  
  
Although I can see your main points about stress, I believe your writing would benefit if you did not refer directly to the reader. Because your writing sounds more like a conversation than a formal writing. Do not use "you" in your essays unless you have to. For instance instead of saying, "...you will feel stressful.." say something like "one/a person can feel stressful..." Once you change up your writing and write it formally I will look at it again. But for now, I think you should focus on changing this.  
  
I'll look at your writing once it is fixed up.
A breakdown of the information regarding how many total minutes of telephone calls in Britain consisting of three different types, a period of 8 years, started in 1995 and measured in billions is depicted in the line graphs. Overall, it can be seen that local - fixed line broke the record as the highest one over the period whereas a converse appeared to be true in other figures.  
  
A more detailed look in the graph, the number of minutes spent on local calls was a slight oscillation over the period, with standing at 75 billion, initially. This was by far followed by fixed line in the case of national and international calls, around 43 billion minutes. Having a gap by around 41 billion, the figure for national and international calls was higher than mobiles calls.  
  
Apart from peaking at roughly 90 minutes billion in 1999, the figure for local calls plummeted to over 70 billion minutes in 2002. However, rest of categories had an upward trend until the end of period. Eventually, the proportion of national and international calls was approximately 62 minutes, still considerably ahead of mobiles calls with 43 billion. In any case, the figures for mobile and local calls performed a narrow down.  
  
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Be careful in providing false descriptions because it wasn't a line graph, yet it is a bar chart. Also, you need to know that an overview is not that simple. You just stated the highest data and it's done. It wasn't like that. It is indeed more than that. You are suggested to create a general statement despite the highest, perhaps there are some stages or comparison that can be explained. If you examine it carefully, you will notice that there are two variables that increase gradually over the period, while the highest data experience a fluctuated trend. Then, it would be beneficial in improving your band score.  
  
Just be more careful (again) in mentioning "upward trend until the end of the period", this can be considered as an overview and therefore it needs to be changed. "Trend" is supposed to be explained either in the very beginning part of your essay or in the very last. Avoid creating multiple "overview" in a single essay. This can possibly lead to a confusion and it would badly damage the final grading of your essay itself.
The graph reveals the information in regard to the ownership rates of both, mobile phones and landlines in seven countries. Overall, the mobile phones were in greated proportion in four of the countries, whereas the landlines were more commonly used in 3 of them.  
  
In Canada, approximately 62 of every 100 people have used landlines, while the number of mobile users was significantly lower. The difference between the amount of mobile phones and alndlines in US was to the Canada's, although the proportions of the both methods of communication were slightly bigger. The highest number of landline users was experienced in Denmark, where more than 85 people per every 100 had a landline.  
  
In Italy was observed the biggest gap between the number of people who have mobile phones and landlines. About 40% of the people had landlines, whereas more than twice as much were the owners of mobile phones. In contrast to Italy, in Germany the difference was not as significant and 70% percent of the german residents owned a mobile phone, while about 60% of them had a landline. In both Sweden and UK around 85 % of the inhabitans used mobile phones, while the usage of landlines was dramatically lower - close to 60% in Uk and nearly 70 in Sweden.
Hello! I will give you some opinions about your essay.  
  
(1) Overall, the mobile phones ~~were in~~**had a** great~~ed~~ proportion in four ~~of the~~ countries, whereas the landlines were*(there is no time frame)* more commonly used in 3 of them.  
  
(2) ... number of mobile users was ~~significantly~~ lower.  
(3) The difference between the ~~amount~~**number** of mobile phones ... *(why? what happened with the differences?)*was to the Canada's**?**, although the proportion~~s~~ of ~~the~~ both methods ...  
  
(4) In Italy**, there** was ~~observed~~ the biggest gap ...  
(5) About 40% of ~~the~~ people had landlines, (...) twice as ~~much~~**many as**~~were~~ the owners of mobile phones.