dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**The task**  
You have just completed a cooking course. As part of the school's research and efforts to offer superior  
classes, they have asked you to write an evaluation of your experience as a student.  
Your report should discuss what you learned from the class and what you thought of the teachers and their instruction methods. Mention any ways you think the class could be improved and say whether you would or would not recommend the course to a friend or relative.  
  
## Write your report.

  
  
**Introduction**  
The aims of this report are to:  
1. give an overview of the cooking course in school 618  
2. comment on whether the program and teachers are well-qualified  
3. recommend some refinements  
**The quality of an educational programme**  
This three-month course contains a structured programme and comfortable schedule that allows a student to gain not only a theoretical knowledge but also many manual skills. Every lesson consists of two parts. At first one students observe a cookery masterclass, whilst during the second part they have the opportunity to cook themselves at the local canteen.  
  
Secondly, what seems vitally important is that the content of a program provides students with breadth of knowledge, ranging from gastronomy to cooking traditional dishes.  
  
**Methods of teaching**  
During the course I have been taught by five different teachers, who combine working at this course as tutors with their main job of chefs at the restaurants. Having been led by professionals, I must admit a student gets a great chance to acquire invaluable knowledge. All of the teachers have a wealth of teaching experience and demonstrate it by using a variety of educational methods such as game-based learning, kinesthetic classrooms etc.  
  
**Recommendations**  
By and large I would strongly recommend this cooking course to my friends. However, finishing such program wouldn't be substantial to those who desire working as chefs. With the intention of appealing more attendees, this course should be divided into two different courses. The first one ,which lasts three months, will aim at amateurs, whereas the second course should last at least a year and will aim at future chefs.
The format for your presentation is incorrect. You must present an essay report. Not a bulleted discussion per topic. The guide questions were only to help you know what to write in the essay. What you did was, you used it to create the titles for each reporting aspect. That is totally incorrect. You have to write 220-260 words in essay form. The essay needs to reflect a connected thought process that prioritizes the clear explanation of your class experience based on the writing guide provided. Your presentation is merely a series of ideas that you can use to properly develop the relevant paragraphs. These are only place holders. It is not a real essay as required by the task.
## the recommendation how to become a well-rounded individual

  
  
A person is said to be well-rounded when he has experience or knowledge in various fields. The author has recommended that in order to become well-rounded individuals, all college students should be required to take courses in which they read various types of literature like poetry, novels, mythology. This recommendation does seem believable at first, but having thought through is not convincing enough.  
  
The author recommends that all college students should be required to take courses that will help them to become well-rounded individuals. The best time to indulge such moral thoughts into the minds of children is at the tender age of 8 to 12 years, as it is easy for the teachers to mold the students at this age. For instance, in many countries, personality development courses are compulsory for students at the mid-level of their schooling. This is mainly because the personality of any grown-up college student is almost in developed-form and forcing to take these courses will not help him to become a well-rounded individual at the college level.  
  
Secondly, students already have a penchant for certain courses and want to explore more in them. Many students prefer courses in fields of management, engineering, business, finance, etc. These students will be more curious about those fields which they find interesting and hence would like to know about them in-depth. Thus, they wouldn't prefer to spend their time in studying literature. Therefore, making compulsion for taking these courses may even lose the interest of these students in studying. Thus, rather than becoming a well-rounded individual, they might end up being antipode of it.  
  
In addition to that, a well-rounded individual has an experience or a knowledge of different fields, and thus studying courses in which they have to read poetry, novels, mythology, and other types of imaginative literature will not be enough to become one. For instance, in a cricket team if there is a player who is a specialist in only batting then it will be incorrect to entitle him as an all-rounder player, instead, it is essential for a player to have expertise in other fields as well. Similarly, focusing only on literature will not make a person well-rounded, but also other skills like sports, communication, are important. Thus, taking courses that only include reading poetry, novels, mythology, and other types of imaginative literature is not sufficient to become well-rounded.  
  
To sum up, the author's recommendation is not agreeable as taking such courses by college students does not give surety of becoming a well-rounded individual.
Did you write this for a CBEST essay? It is difficult to review your work for appropriate content and arguments when I do not have access to the original article. Please remember to post it next time so that I can do a more proper review of your work. A general review will be all I can provide for now.  
  
Where did you get the information that the ages of 8-12 will be more suitable for the recommendation of the author who said college age would be best? Your paragraphs fail to properly utilize a topic sentence at the start and a transition sentence at the end to introduce the next topic. Overall, the essay suffers when comparing the facts of the article with the reasoning of the writer. Again, this is just an assumption on my part since you failed to include the original article for comparison purposes.
## IELTS TASK 1: MIXED CHARTS

  
  
**Singapore**  
The bar chart compares average number of years males and females attended school and the pie chart illustrates levels of education attained by adults in Singapore between 2000 and 2010. Overall, there was an increase in the number of years spent at school for both males and females, and the figure for men was higher throughout the period. Also, the level of education in Singapore increased over 10 years.  
  
According to the bar chart, in 2000, the average number of years males attended school was around 9 years, which gradually rose to nearly 12 years in 2010. Meanwhile, females spent an average of 8 years at school in 2000. This figure remained stable until 2004 and slightly increased to reach 9 years in 2010.  
  
As can be seen from the pie charts, in 2000, nearly one-third of Singapore's population finished high school. The figures for primary and secondary schools were almost identical (with 30% for each), compared to nearly 8% studying for a master degree. However, after 10 years, the level of education people in Singapore achieved was significantly higher, with nearly 33% pursue tertiary education, and only 2% leaving after finishing primary school.  
  
(Word count: 190 words)  
  
* 
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Rather than saying "According to", use the phrase "Based on" instead. It is more academic sounding since you are reporting in factual information. Good work on analyzing the bar chart in relation to the 12 year presentation. You used the correct estimation representation for that figure which shows a proper analysis of the given image and measurements.  
  
There are time when a comma will be more effective than using the word "and" in a presentation. Remember that you are scored on proper punctuation mark usage so you get a better scoring consideration when you say; " This figure remained... until 2004 , slightly increasing to 9 ..." when compared to "... until 2004 and slightly increasing..."  
  
Always assume the reader will not have access to the pie images. That is why you are being asked to consider a target audience for a written report. Never refer the reader to the present image as in: " As can be seen...". The idea is to have you describe the images academically, in a manner that will create a written report that can be easily visualized by the reader.
**RUBRIC:  
## In some countries fast food is becoming cheaper and more widely available

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*Do the advantages of this outweigh the advantages?***  
  
Due to an immense role for being human's primitive energy sources, food has been consecutively diverted so as to meet the people's demand, ranging from tastes to products' expense. As a result, some countries have witnessed an increasing ubiquity of fast consumption for its such convenient cost. While benefits can be drawn out from this trend, there should be more significant demerits to concern.  
  
On the one hand, the seeming immediateness and affordability in price can be the benefits from having ready meals. Firstly, owing to increasing cutting-edge cooking techniques, fast food can be served not only in several types such as pizza and potato chips but also at a reasonable cost compared to domestic meals. Furthermore, this instant- pace service can be immensely critical for those who are having little recess during the day, since the fact that they will not have spent loads of time at home via processes from purchasing products to preparing food, a complete combo meal being ordered in less than 10 minutes will may leave them more free time for their persona activities.  
  
On the other hand, fast food does present a number of drawbacks, the most typical of which can be seen in human health issues. In order to handle myriads of customers on a daily basis, meals would undoubtedly have been prepared and stored for a long period of time, along with additional chemicals including oil and preservative to maintain any specific quality. Consequently, individuals can endure a huge range of long - term diseases from this regular junk food intake such as obesity and chronic illness in later life. Moreover, since, in my opinion, home-made meals do not entirely mean about food but rather connections within humans, the trend of fast consumption somewhat caused a detrimental impact on those relationships by depriving away the time where people can talk to each other.  
  
In conclusion, it is no astonishing for the ubiquity of ready meals because of its significant comfort in duration and cost for the society. Nevertheless, those demerits mentioned above can be more considerable to be inspected.
@giotinhsao  
I think one of your problems is that your sentences are too long.  
For example, "Furthermore, this instant- pace service can be immensely critical for those who are having little recess during the day, since the fact that they will not have spent loads of time at home via processes from purchasing products to preparing food, a complete combo meal being ordered in less than 10 minutes will may leave them more free time for their persona activities."  
  
Your essay should be more concise so that the structure is clear and easy to follow.
The maximum word count for this Task 2 essay is 290 words. You have written 347 words and not paid attention to the correction of your errors in the presentation. I have seen errors in vocabulary usage, coherence, and cohesiveness within your paragraphs. While these are seen as minimal errors in your presentation, you can still expect to receive small scoring deductions in the appropriate rubic. That means, your essay will have a lower possible, rather than higher possible score.  
  
The opening paraphrase is confusing. What does "primitive energy sources" have to do with food become cheaper and more accessible to people? Why are you referring to information that is not in the original prompt? A prompt restatement means you have to accurately use your own words to explain the original topic and discussion requirements. You cannot add or change the content to suit your perceived discussion needs. That is considered a prompt alteration and will have a direct effect on your TA score.  
  
When you say that there are more demerits, then stick to the defense of that opinion. That means, you need to give 2 valid reasons that will prove how a perceived merit, is truly a demerit, within the same paragraph. The format should be:  
  
Sentence 1: Merit  
Sentence 2: Why is it a merit?  
Sentence 3: Reason it is a demerit  
Sentence 4: Evidence of demerit  
Sentence 5: Explanation of demerit example  
  
Use the correct formatting for the discussion so that you can pull down your word count and stay within the expected discussion presentation. The shorter and better explained the essay, the better your score. Stay within the minimum and maximum word requirement at all times.
## the rate of workers in two towns

  
  
The graphs illustrate how the proportion of people worked for three distinct sectors in town A and B changed after a 50-year period from 1960.  
Overall, the majority of workers in town B were employed to perform sales-related jobs in both 1960 and 2010. While this was true for town A in 1960, this town had manufacturing as the biggest employer in 2010.  
  
In 1960, sales attracted the most employees in both town A and B with the figures of 41% and 72% respectively. The rate of people worked in services in town A was almost one third of the total rate at 30%, 10% higher than that in town B. Town B had the modest proportion of workers for manufacturing with 8%, while that of town A was over three times higher, at 29%.  
  
In 2010, the rate of manufacturing workers in town A accounted for the majority of the total rate, at 64%. By contrast, the equivalent figure for town B was only 24% and sales was the hugest employer with the statistic of 54%. The figures for the services sector in town A and B were 16% and 22% respectively.  
  
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1. I got quite confused with the second sentence in paragraph 2. I think you should restate it more clearly.  
2. You might have some inappropriate word choice. eg: "the hugest" sounds uncommon as "huge" itself is an absolute adjective. Also, "the rate of people" should be changed into "the proportion of people" or :the number of people".  
  
I'm still a learner and my feedback might be incorrect, so please correct me if I'm wrong. Thank you!
You are presenting information from 4 pie charts. You must accurately identify the type of image and number of images when required to do so. You should also identify which is chart A and Chart B based on its positioning in the page. When mentioning the proportion, mention the measurement type as well to assist in the visualization of the proportion. It will help complete the summary overview and make it accurate in data presentation. Good work on the data presentation. However, you haven't really shown a wide range of punctuation mark usage in relation to your grammar range. It is limited to only an alternating of period and comma usage. Try to present more complex sentences that use a mix of a semi-colon, colon, among other punctuation marks,
***Task：  
The best way for the government to solve traffic congestion is to provide free public transport 24 hours a day and 7 days a week.  
## Do you agree or disagree?***  
  
(Note: i realized i have written too long for this essay, but since i just start practicing, i hope i could keep the first version of my work as a reference for my further study of writing. )  
  
Nowadays, more and more cities, especially big cities are facing traffic congestion problems very badly. In order to ease such issues, some people proposed to provide free public transportation all the time. It seems like a good way to solve this problem, but from my point of view, only temporally.  
  
People who regard free public transport as the solution to traffic congestion are taking the transport cost and traffic condition as a cause and effect relationship incorrectly. They think with a higher public transportation price, people tend to drive their own cars, thus causing the street to become more and more crowded. If there is no cost when taking public transportation, people will convert to commute by bus or metro.  
  
The bigger holes of the inference above is that the cost of driving a private car is higher than that of public transportation sometimes, considering gas expenses, car insurance, parking fee, and etc. People who are used to driving a car to commute won't choose to take a bus instead suddenly only if the bus is free.  
  
In fact, public transport does help to release traffic congestion pressure to some extent, but not in the way of how much it takes, but the public transport environment as well as its service.  
  
Firstly, we should be more aware of why people are willing to pay more to drive their car than save money by taking a bus. Private car is cleaner, though it costs more than public transport. Meanwhile, driving their own car could avoid crowded people especially during peak hours. For example, Japan's railways, also known as Shinkansen, are one of the main ways for people to commute. Every weekday morning, thousands of people enter the cabin and stand like the Sardine in a can. If one person among them has the ability to afford a private car, he or she would definitely not take the railway to go to the office anymore.  
  
Secondly, a reasonable route design and interval will attract more people to take public transport. One of the best services of metro is Hong Kong MTR, which is famous for its on-time approach and departure. MTR provides a massive schedule during the peak hour, so that it could even only take half or one minute to get on the next train if you miss the last train. Besides, MTR's coverage is wide and well-designed that no matter where you live, you could reach your destination within one hour.  
  
All in all, I don't agree to provide free public transport only for solving traffic congestion. Improving public transpor's environment and service is the key to this problem.  
  
(440 words)
***Some people believe that community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example: working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports for younger children).***  
  
## To what extend do you agree or disagree?

  
  
It is suggested that social service should be included in curriculum of high schoolers. I strongly disagree with this idea as I believe this would put young people under pressure and make them become easy targets for ulterior motives of scam charitable organizations.  
  
Three years of high school are one of the most crucial phases of a person's life. First, it is the important stage for students to lay foundations for their future, which directly affects their success later in life. They are surely engrossed in their hectic study schedule both at school and at home; therefore, as expected, not every teenager at that age has ability to balance schooling and charity work. As a result, doing community service would soon turn into burden to them whereas it is supposed to be voluntary work filled with willingness and generosity.  
  
At the same time, obligatory unpaid work raises concerns about using underaged labour. The number of volunteer organizations has increased roughly but lack of government's control can lead to serious consequences. It is a familiar scene on the internet where posts of disadvantaged children, degraded schools in remote areas,...are used to seek for support. However, not all of them are legal. Some take advantage of innocent and inexperienced youngsters to look for free workforce. For the sake of children, what we should do when young people have free time is to encourage them to relax after hours of studying.  
  
In conclusion, in my opinion, putting community service into high school programmes may have negative effects on the well-being of children.
**Topic: Some students like to take distance-learning course by computer. Other students prefer to study in traditional classroom settings with a teacher. Discuss advantages of both opinions, and state your opinion about how students should organize their schedules.  
  
## Distance or traditional education?

  
  
Answer:**  
Some of students nowadays advocate the distance-learning courses due to the benefits that development of technology brings about while others remain skeptical about this trend and still raise their strong voice to the traditional teaching method which involves in teachers and classroom. This essay will discuss the merits of both arguments and point out my personal view about the way of putting a balance among children's daily activities.  
  
On the one hand, students will reap great benefits when choosing distance education. Firstly, online courses often differ in a wide range of majors and sorts of degree from educational instituitions all over the globe. Besides, they also provide learners with a plenty of time slots so that we can fit our study around the work and home life. Consequently, this modern method brings about convenience and flexibility to us. Secondly, online learning facilitates us to participate whenever and wherever without moving. As a result, it does cost less time and money in movement.  
  
On the other hand, traditional classroom is deemed unalternative for most of students. First and foremost, many of them consider conventional form of class a more efficient way of learning and improving social skills. For people who learn better through cooperative activities and group work, the possibility of asking questions and receiving immediate answers is important. Another advantage of traditional classroom learning is that it provides students with a fixed schedule and specific periods dedicated exclusively to learning. Most adults immerse in the fast-paced lives these days, whether they have a demanding job or children in school. Thus, going to school appears to be indispenable for children.  
  
In conclusion, considering aforementioned reasons, it is belived that each approach offers certain merits for students. Personally, I suppose that learners should combine all of them; for example, they can take part in extra online classes after school time or at weekends in case of preparing for important exams. Having proper schedule will utterly boost their learning productivity.  
  
(327 words)
I am not sure why you are over writing in the Task 2 essay. You should be focusing on polishing your content instead of the word count. You see, when you write long essays, beyond the 275-290 words, there is a greater tendency for you to not be able to spot and correct your errors. In this essay, you have several spelling errors, unclear statements, and lexical resource issues. Having read your essay thoroughly, I believe that the reason you failed to spot the errors is that you thought writing a long essay would make up for the possible scoring errors. Nothing could be further from the truth. If your teacher is telling you to write more words to score better then your teacher is doing you a disservice. You need a teacher who will help you score better by considering the rubic sections and enhancing your capabilities in writing based on those scoring considerations.  
  
You have an open ended essay. You cannot "conclude" an essay, which is a summary of the previous discussion, then present a personal opinion within the paragraph. You do not end up summarizing your discussion points at that point, you merely continue the discussion, and create an improper paragraph format in the process. The opinion should be a stand alone paragraph before the concluding summary.