dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Writing Task 1: relationships at work (2005 and 2009)**  
  
The pie charts give information of survey result in 2005 and 2009 by asking employee about their relationshis with their manager and partner workers. Overall, the percentage of respon from relationship between workers and their supervisors also their workers experienced change with the different number.  
  
Relationships with manager in 2005 and 2009 have contrast variation about percentage of respon is very pleasure for working with the manager. Three of employee answer sample rise in a number percentage. The precentage in the amount of respon called very good is 61% and 65% in different years. Beside that the precentage is decrease in the amount of respon called good is 26% and 22%.  
  
On the other hand, Relationships with co-workers in 2005 and 2009 have slightly different about percentage of respon the question. Two of employee answer sample increase in a number percentage. The precentage in the amount of respon called very good is 63% and 70% in the first and last surveys. Meanwhile the percentage is drop in the amount of respon called good is 28% and 25%.  
  
*
Hi Andika.  
These are my thoughts for your writing  
  
about their relationshis  
THEIR RELATIONSHIPS (BE CAREFUL OF MISSPELLING)  
  
Overall, the percentage of respon from relationship between workers and their supervisors also their ...  
OVERALL, IT CAN BE SEEN THAT THE RELATIONSHIP AMONGST WORKERS HAD BEEN BETTER IN A 5-YEAR PERIOD. FURTHERMORE, AN INCREASE FOR THE LEVEL OF THE EMPLOYEES NOT HAVING THE SUPERVISOR IS MORE THAN FOR THE WORKER WITHOUT THE COLLEAGUE.  
  
(You should make 2 sentences for the overview)
**Hi andikaa. Here I left some suggestion for you. Hope it can help.**  
  
Overall, the percentage of respon from relationship between workers ...  
It should be:  
**==>**The pie chart compares the proportion of survey result by asking some employees about their relationships with their manager in 2005 and 2009. It is noticeable that, the percentage of response by some workers ....(Please pay attention to what the most interesting and important information. You can write down the highest or the lowest proportion based on the chart)  
  
Relationships with the manager in 2005 (...) percentage of ~~respon~~response is very pleasure for ...  
Three of employee answer sample rise in a number percentage. The ~~precentage~~percentage in the amount of ~~respon~~response called very good ...  
Beside that the ~~precentage~~percentage~~is decrease~~is decreased (It appears that the form of the verb 'decrease' doesn't work with is in this sentence) in the amount of ~~respon~~response called good ...  
  
note:  
- there are some vocabularies that misspelling in your writing. you have to check it first before you post it.  
- you miss some article in few words. please concern about this :)  
  
On the other hand, ~~R~~r elationships (who?) with co-workers in 2005 (...) about The percentage of ...  
Two of employee answer sample increase in ...  
The ~~precentage~~percentage in the amount of ~~respon~~response called very good ...  
Meanwhile, (remember to put the comma after transition) the percentage is drop in the amount of ~~respon~~response called good is 28% and 25% (you can use 'a quarter' for 25% and 'just over a quarter' for 28%)==> you have to mention who get the good percentage.  
  
Keep writing!!
There are some findings by Bill Gross about what makes companies succeed the most, what factors actually matter the most for startup success. There are 5 essential elements that lead to success such as Idea, Team, Business Model, Funding, and Timing. He did a survey of 100 idelab companies and 100 non-idealab companies to look what factors actually accounted the most for success and failure across all of these companies. The result is the number one thing was Timing. Timing was accounted for 42% of the difference between success and failure. Team came in second, the Idea actually came in third and the last two are Business Model and Funding. For example, one of the 100 non-idelab companies; Uber; came out with an incredible idea, business model, and great execution likewise the timing was so perfect for their need to get drivers into the system whose looking for extra money. The conclusion from this findings are for all startups that want to success have to do the best way to really assess Timing to really look at whether consumers are really ready for the companies have to offer them.
**These are my few suggestions for your summary**  
  
There are some ~~findings~~ INVENTIONS by Bill Gross about what makes companies ~~succeed~~ the most SUCCESSFUL, what factors ...  
He ~~did~~ CONDUCTED a survey of ~~100 idelab companies and~~ 100 non-idealab (...) what THE factors ... The result is the number one thing was Timing.*(You should rewrite this because it makes readers confused)*  
  
... 42% of the difference between THE success and failure. Team came in second, the Idea actuallycame(Keep in your mind that each sentence only has one main verb) in third and the last ...  
  
The conclusion from ~~this findings~~ THESE INVENTIONS are for all startups that WHEN THEY want to success, OWNERS have to do the best ...  
THAT METHOD IS HARNESSED to ~~really~~ look at whether (...) the companies SO THAT THEY have to offer them.
WRITING TASK II  
  
**Some suggest that young people should take a jo for few years between school and university.  
Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might for people who do this.  
Give a reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge of experience.**  
  
It is become apparent in recent years that many people recommend the teenagers to have a job before they enter in university. This essay aims to elaborate the benefits and drawbacks pertaining to experience the workplace before continuing study in the college.  
  
Young people who decide to work before come in university because they want to stand alone. The revenue that they got in their job can lighten their parent's financial to pay the university fund. The other advantage is improving skills, students will be independence and assertiveness, it supports them to learn about time management. In addition, skills that they have will lead them to get a better career in the years of come.  
  
On the other hand, teenagers should focus on studying in their age. Taking a part in a particular job, whether in voluntary or business that interests them will make them feel the comfort zone, a personal satisfaction of getting financial support, hence to make them not to continue their study anymore. The next downside is different sense of study. A student who keeps studying after senior high school to university is used to with the condition and situation of campus than a student who had postponed their education for a few years to work, they will need time to restart the feeling of being student. In addition, student who had felt a greater career before become a collegian enable them to think that education is not a priority anymore.  
  
In conclusion, teenager will be much better to continue their education in university than find a job. Due to the fact that they need the same sense of studying and avoid personal satisfaction if they had had a job before. Hence, make them believe that education is always number one.
Hi Chacha  
Let me give you some advice  
  
... decide to work before come ~~in~~(to) university because ...  
  
... restart the feeling of being (a) student. In addition, (a) student who (...) before become (becoming) a collegian enable them to ...  
  
In conclusion, (a) teenager will be much better ...  
  
Maybe if you add some concrete example or research this writing will be perfect  
Thank you...
WRITING TASK 1 : THE RESULTS OF SURVEYS ABOUT RELATIONSHIP IN WORKPLACE  
  
The charts show the outcome of observation about the relationship of employees with their manager and partnerships 2005 and 2009 and it measured is percent. Overall, workers have very good relationship with their supervisor and a few employees do not have a manager in 2005 and 2009. While, communication between labour and their friends in workplace shows same proportion as a relation with their leader.  
  
To begin, the highest percentage in the relationship between workers and manager at 61% in 2005. Then, 2009 experienced increased steadily to 65%. Besides, the lowest percentage at 1% of the respondent who did not have supervisor in 2005 while in 2009 the figure was rose slightly to 5%.  
  
On the other hand, in 2005, many respondents have very good relationship with partnerships in the workplace and it increased gradually by 7% in 2009, it takes place in the first position. There are at 63% in 2005, and in 2009, it increased slightly at seven in ten. The last position is employees who have a bad relationship with co-workers at 1 % in 2005, but the percentage is escalating to 2 percent in 2009.  
  
*
... about the relationship ~~of~~among employees with their manager and partnerships inboth year , 2005 and 2009 ~~and it~~which is measured ~~is~~in percent.  
  
... relationship with their supervisor,~~and~~while a few employees do ...  
~~While,~~ Communication between labour (...) shows the same proportion as ...  
  
... relationship between workers and manager ~~at~~is 61% *in 2005*(You may vary it by mentioning 'in the first period') . Then, 2009 experienced ~~increased steadily~~a steady increase to 65%.  
  
On the other hand, ~~in 2005~~(You may vary it by mentioning 'in the initial year') , many respondents ~~have~~ had very good relationship (...) in 2009, it ~~takes~~took place in the first position. There ~~are~~ were at 63% in 2005, and ...
Some people think the presence of ghost appears after the 20th century as the product of human trauma experienced by some people causing the negative energies phenomenon; such as heard untraceable noises, saw strange lights or shadow, and noticed some strange objects coming. However, the ghost cases already appear since the early 19th century and the story told with every single clear detail. For example the story of the haunted ship named HMS Asp sailed between 1850 and 1857 and be told by Captain G.M. Alldridge writing a long letter at February 1868. His letter reports about their sailing crew feared at night and facing died. In addition, it also tells about the ability of spirit to haunt particular location rather than a person. Meanwhile, the 20th spirit seems to have common quality of manifestation; such as noises, vague shape, and clear image of a person. The urban legend involves some common places haunting people, for example at the museum and the hotel. Moreover, people nowadays tend to talk about it more often even they are not experiencing it directly.
... by some people causing the negative ~~energies phenomenon~~energy phenomenons ; such as heard ...  
  
However, the ghost cases already ~~appear~~appeared since (...) and the story clearly told ~~with every single clear detail~~every single detail.  
  
His letter ~~reports~~reported about their sailing ...  
  
... haunt particular location rather than ~~a~~ person.  
.., vague shape, and clear image of ~~a~~ person.
Ielts writing TASK 2 - Word usage and sentence length problems!  
  
Many newspapers and magaziens feature stories about the private lives of famous people. We know what they eat, where the buy clothes and who they love. We also often see pictures of them in private situations.  
  
Is it appropritate for a magaziens or newspapers to give this kind of private information about people?  
  
I've always thought my writing is very bad, so i will be happy to read some suggestions and insights of my work. I am preparing for Ielts, so if you give me a sample bond, will be highly apreciate.I really need someone to indicate where are my mistakes and where i need to put more effort. Thank you in advance!!  
  
I think my main problems are in the sentences lenght and word usage.  
  
Nowadays, our world is driven by the thirst for profit and popularity, and our newspapers and magazines do not make an exception. Everyone of us, has seen a picture of celebrity in private situation and has read an internal(I think it's better to write personal) information about their lives. In my opinion, this attitude by the numerous newspapers is lacking of any kind of respect to the famous people and their families. Moreover this kind of approach restricts the free will of celebrities.  
  
Watching private photos of celebrities have become something completely ordinary in our lives. We all, want to know, what is in the backyard of our favorite TV stars, but if we really care about them, it is a must to give them at least a little more freedom in their personal lives. We can not even imagine the stress and anxiety when they are on the stage and now many magazines transfer those feelings into their homes. Famous people and their families now live in incessant fear of finding their own pictures in different magazines. In combine, they are plagued by photographs , even in their own houses - which shows extreme disrespect to their personal lives.  
  
Because of the continual threat of people following them, many celebrities have their changed their habits, altered their behaviors and sometimes locked themselves in to their own houses. They need to act like they are on the stage everywhere - because they know, only one unsuitable photo or video contrasting to their stage characters is able to disrupt their whole careers.  
  
At the end of the day, even though magazines and newspapers are always seeking for more attractive and profitable news about celebrities, they do not need to have an access to the personal life of famous people. This interruptive approach is capable of destroying the life of famous people and their families, in combine with restricting their own free will.
The free movement of goods across national borders has long been a controversial issue. Some people argue that it is necessary for economic growth, while others claim that it damages local industries.  
  
Discuss both views and give your own opinion. You should write at least 250 words.  
  
It is true that international free shipping policy has become a debatable matter for a long time among many countries in the world.This issue has raised many opinions that one side denies with the reason it will trigger enormous impediments for local business to expand, but I personally support the scheme as it is an essential process to escalate the economic rate for the country.  
  
First and foremost, the international free trade program is a gambling for a nation to do. When the capability of domestic business has not been ready to face the global competition, this situation tends to wreak havoc on the economic stabilisation. For instance, there will be a deficit balance sheet in the country unable to compete. If the local products fail to excel the international brands then import commodities will dominate the local market. Eventually, it will eradicate the opportunity for local entrepreneurs to broaden the sales.  
  
However, the tight competition in the market benefits the consumers. It will emerge a high quality standard in order to persuade the purchasers. In fact, consumers will get the high grade goods with low-price purchase because the companies attempt to gain more in selling quantity. The essential staples, for example, are going to be cheaper for parents to buy because it has a sensitive price. If the producers do not lower the price, consumers will buy in the other places and other products more affordable. This occurrence is actually profitable for the country and the citizens because it has two boons in which the companies begin to realise about quality improvement that will cause enhancement of the equipment and finished goods as well as consumers take the advantage of the inexpensive price with good quality products.  
  
In conclusion, free trading for worldwide communities has both upsides and downsides toward a vast majority of people and I believe that this phenomena will encourage countries and society to get a better financial conditions.
hai Mr Suspend  
I have little advice for you  
I hope it helps  
  
... has become a debatable ~~matter~~issue(it is more suitable) for a long time among ...  
  
First ~~and foremost~~ , the international free trade program is ~~a~~ gambling for a nation to do.  
  
... this situation tends to ~~wreak havoc~~revenge on the economic stabilisation.  
  
... competition in the market benefits is the consumers.  
  
It will emerge a ~~high quality~~high-quality standard in order to ...  
  
In fact, consumers will get the ~~high grade~~high-grade goods with low-price purchase ...  
  
... communities has both of upsides and downsides toward a vast ...  
  
thanks
Do ever felt this world around in every sun goes up and down as a teacher for everything in our daily life? Language is and silent-totally without sound- are teacher too? Meklit Hadero who from Ethiopia and a singer-song writer in rhythm and beat (RnB) genre was talk about unexpected beauty of everyday sound around our daily activities. Firstly, she starts her magnificent presentation with some rhythm sounds like a church song and every audience pay attention about it. She told about that sound which a sound from a bird with artificial tempo by human but it still a majestic nature sound. Not only bird can make that premium sound, but also myriad animal, wind, water, even human breath are the teacher of real music.  
  
Secondly, she told about language-the truly human's heritage in modern world-created the great deal of meaning and cultures. She demonstrated some words from Ethiopian language with some accents which made natural sound and premium music. That's was amazing little thing. Last but not the least, she believed world around with music also musical in silent. It was words with much of meaning. Moreover, human life with heart-beat song and human breath system's sound. She was give us some philosophical thought about appreciate every sound which teach us to be aware also dolorous less.in the last words, she said there is no the end of inspiration, just if we keep listening.
Hi alfa7,  
I have some advice for you  
  
- Meklit Hadero ~~who~~ from Ethiopia ~~and~~**who** a singer-songwriter in (...) was talk**ed** about unexpected beauty of ...  
- ... heritage in modern world-created ~~the~~**a** great deal of ...  
- That~~'s~~ was **[an]** amazing ~~little~~ thing  
- She ~~was give~~**gave** us some philosophical thought about ~~appreciate~~**appreciating** every sound which teach**es** us to be aware also dolorous  
  
Hope it helps :)
Hi Alfa! Well done, this topic is interesting, but i found some errors in grammar. Hope this helps.  
  
Do you ever ~~felt~~ feel this world around in every ...  
  
Language is and silent -totally without sound- are teacher too? (i have no idea on this sentence, seems to be difficult to understand. It is better for you to simplify this)  
  
Meklit Hadero, ~~who from Ethiopia and~~ a song writer and RnB singer from Ethiopia ~~in rhythm and beat (RnB) genre~~~~was talk~~ talked about unexpected ...  
  
Firstly, she ~~starts~~ started her magnificent (...) and every audience ~~pay~~ paid attention about it.  
  
She ~~told about that sound which~~ explained a sound (...) but it **was**still a majestic nature sound.  
  
... heritage in modern world- **that**created the great deal of ...  
  
... with some accents which **were** made natural sound and premium music. (passive voice)  
  
~~That's~~ That was amazing little thing. Last but not ~~the~~ least, she believed world around with music **was** also musical in silent.  
  
*Moreover, human life with heart-beat song and human breath system's sound.* (where is the main verb?)  
  
She ~~was give~~ gave us some philosophical thought about ~~appreciate~~ appreciation in every sound which ~~teach~~ taught us to be aware also dolorous less.  
  
In the last words, she said there ~~is~~ was no the end of inspiration, just if we ~~keep~~ kept listening. (indirect speech)
Hi Alfa...Hopefully the followings will help  
  
There are some major errors in the use of simple past tense, such as:  
  
... writer in rhythm and beat (RnB) genre ( was talk: talked) about unexpected beauty of ...  
  
She (told: talked/presented/showed) about/ that sound...  
  
She (was give: gave) us some.....  
  
confusing sentences:  
Do ever felt this world around in every sun goes up and down ...  
  
Language is and silent-totally without ...  
  
Keep writing, thanks.
The pie chart gives information about the results of surveys in 2005 and 2009 asking workers about their relationships with their supervisors and their colleagues. Overall, the percentage of relationships with supervisor has a good condition in 2009 higher than 2005. And also the percentage of personal relation with co-workers has good condition in 2009 higher than 2005.  
  
At 2005, survey of relationships with supervisor shows that worker have a very good relation with their boss, which is 61%. The other result of this research found that 26% officers have a good correlation with their supervisor and just 2% have a bad perception about their bosses. At 2009, the percentage of very good relation with supervisor increase 4% than 2005, which shows 65%. Furthermore, just 2% on this year shows that workers have a bad relationship with their leader.  
  
On the other hand at 2005, research of personal relation with colleagues show that employees have a very good relationship with their co-workers, which is 63% and just 1% have a worst perception with other employees. The other result at 2009 found that 70% workers have a very good correlation with their teammates. However, in this year survey, there are no-one officers have a bad relation with other workers.  
  
*
~~At~~**IN** 2005, ~~survey of relationships with supervisor shows that~~**61 percent****of** worker**S**~~have~~**had** a very good relation with their **bosses**. ~~which is 61%~~**While**~~The other result of this research found that~~ 26% officers (...) with their supervisor**S**, ~~and~~ just 2% **of whom had**~~have~~ a bad perception ...  
  
~~At~~**IN** 2009, the percentage of **officers with a** very good relation with supervisor **increased by** 4% ~~than~~ in 2005, ~~which shows 65%.~~  
  
*Note :*  
*- consistent with your word options, such as if you mention supervisorS, then you have to use bossES and leaderS in the next sentence  
- pay more attention on past events, subject verb agreement  
- distinguish whether using at or in for time signals*
The given pie charts provide information about the percentage of the workmen's relations with the chiefs and colleagues. The surveys is conducted in 2005 and 2009. Overall, it is seen that working men tend to maintain very good relationship to their leaders and colleagues.  
  
The data presents that in 2005, there were 61% workmen stated that their relation with their boss was completely good and so was with their co-workers which took 63%. Meanwhile, 26% and 28% of workers felt that they kept a good relationship with leaders and colleagues respectively. Then, the rest of the percentage showed that workers had fair or even poor relationship with them.  
  
Besides, the next four years, the survey's result have no significant difference. Employees keep their relationship with supervisors and co-workers on very good level, where there were 65% of workers had it with their boss and 70% kept it with their colleagues. Next, 22% of working men were having a good relation to their leaders and 25% of work men owned a good link to their co-workers. A poor and fair relations, that were addressed to supervisors and co-workers, took only less than 10%.