dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Aloha Sarlinda, I appreciate your essay. However, there are some thoughts I will share with you particularly understanding the question.  
  
... people who stay in overseas after graduated for continuing their studies in 2002, 2006 and 2008.  
this sentence is unsuccessful to paraphrase the question. Thus, you'd better pay more attention the question before starting to write your essay. Here is my sample paraphrasing;**The bar chart gives information about the percentage of Bulgarian who prefer migrating to another country in the three selected periods (2002, 2006, and 2008) according to their education level.**  
  
Levels of study program consist of elementary school or lower education, ...  
I think this sentence is not needed in your essay  
  
Overall, the Bulgarian ~~students who had graduated from junior high school~~people with secondary education are the highest ~~number~~ percentage of ~~students who~~people planning ~~study abroad than other graduates degree~~to live abroad during those time. ~~Then~~Also , ~~the~~ people who graduated...  
in this question, it can be seen that the subjects who want to live abroad are people according to education level not students who are graduated
The given chart presents the predominant causes why agriculture land becomes less productive and the provided table illustrates causes of land degradation in North America, Europe and Ocean during the 1990s. It is noticeable that Over-grazing was the most effected reason of worldwide land degradation. Meanwhile, European countries were the most affected on land degradation.  
  
According to the given data, over-grazing was the main problem for land degradation which was supplied more than a third and followed by deforestation as the second reasons at 30%. It is very surprising to notice that the over-cultivation at 2% less than the deforestation. By contrast, other was the least of effected reason at almost one in ten.  
  
By 1990s, Europe had land degraded almost a quarter and deforestation was its predominant trouble which was one in ten. While over-grazing as the most effected reason in the world only supplied 7.7%. Surprisingly, North America was only impacted one in twenty and the over-cultivation was the main reasons. By contrast, Oceania had land degradation almost less than a fifth and over-cultivation supplied zero impact.  
  
*
Dear writer  
Allow me to give little opinion about yours.  
  
... the predominant causes ~~why~~of agriculture land becom~~es~~ing less productive and (...) land degradation in (North America, Europe and Ocean) (you may also use: in three different areas) during the 1990s.  
  
.., over-grazing was the main problem ~~for~~of land degradation ~~which was~~ supplied ,supplying more than a third (...) reason~~s~~ at 30%. (It is very surprising to notice that)**(you also use: surprisingly,)** the over-cultivation at 2% ...  
  
By contrast, other (categories / or others)~~was~~were(or if it is only one category, you may use another category was) the least of effected ...  
  
overall, I love reading your writing. it is enough clear. good luck. keep writing
Hello Abraham, I want you gain some suggestion from me.  
  
here we go:  
  
... degradation in North America, Europe and ~~**Ocean**~~ Oceania during the 1990s.  
  
**Oceania means myriad island in Pasific area, some people think that a area and others think that a continetal, if you wrote "Ocean" it means sea not a Pasific Island area.**  
  
According to the ~~given data~~**data given**, over-grazing was (...) degradation which ~~was~~ supplied more than (...) reasons at 30% **[you can paraphrase that number with "three in ten"]** .  
  
By contrast **in** other **hamisphare**~~was~~**were** the least of effected ...  
  
note: keep writing and go ahead
Hello I will give you suggestion:  
I think, to avoid repetition of task you should make phrase, i think you introduction will good if you say like this:  
The pie chart and the table illustrate information about the factors causing land degradation and how these reasons influenced three selected regions (North America, Europe, and Oceania) in the 1990s period. Overall, over-grazing was the highest factors making land less productive and Europe was the largest land which was degraded due to these factors.  
  
Check again your to be (is, am are, was, were) it is simple but important
Hii, there is my advice for you:  
  
1. The given chart presents ~~the~~ predominant causes why agriculture land became less productive and the provided table illustratedthe cause of land degradation in ...  
  
2. According to the ~~given~~ data...............  
  
3. By 1990s, Europe ~~had land~~ degraded almost a quarter and deforestation ...  
  
I think your writing is good, keep writing..
**Restricting on air travel will be the best solution to decline air pollution**  
  
Air travel is judged for the most cause that produces tons of pollution in the world. in my point of view, i totally disagree related to air travel is the most cause to generate big air pollution across the globe.  
  
Pollution is a problem that has to solve by individuals and government to make the world be better, the best way to prevent this case is restricting air travel. At this present era, plane for air traveling is so crowded so that it produces a big amount of pollutions probably, for example, years by years, not-government-organization like Garuda and Lion adds their air crafts so that it is able to produce pollution frequently. The other reasons, Aftur the name of fuel air travel is a hard substance that can warm air circumstance easily. As result, government and individuals should regulate to prevent the bad condition. Preventing can be conducted by restriction of air travel in order to prevent blooming of aircraft that cause warm of an environment.  
  
However, the individuals and government have to look other side condition wisely that causes of air pollution like vehicles or factories. Vehicles in the world years by years is increasing dramatically. People utilize vehicles to full fill their activities intensively. Does it make air pollution for worst ? for example, in developing countries, vehicles like a motorbike and car are blooming and it is not regulating correctly. As the result, air pollution becomes un-control and the air is not fresh again. Because of that reasons, the government should not restrict air travel, yet restriction has to be located in vehicles or factories that produce air pollution most of the time compared to air travel.  
  
To sum up, i totally disagree related to restriction of air pollution of air travel to prevent air pollution. The government has to look the other reason that causes pollution in our environment wisely.
hi bro hitam manis, i'd like to help you to correct this article  
  
... is judged for the most (big) cause that produces (...) related to air travel (that it) is the most cause ...  
  
Pollution is a problem that has to (be) solve (solved) by individuals ...  
At this present era, plane (as an) for air traveling (...) a big amount of pollution~~s~~ probably, for example, year~~s~~ by year~~s~~ , not-government-organization like Garuda and Lion add~~s~~ their air crafts so that (garuda and lion are plural) it is able to ...  
  
The other reasons, Aftur (avtur or aviation fuel) the name of fuel air ...  
  
... government have to look (at) other side condition wisely ...  
Vehicles (plural or singular?) in the world years by ...  
Does it make air pollution ~~for~~ worst ?  
... air pollution becomes un~~-~~ control and the air ...  
Because of that (those)reasons, the government should ...  
The government has to look (at) the other reason ...
**Restricting air travel is the only way to prevent air pollution. Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
In the last decades, air travel passengers have been increasing to a tremendous number. Some people think that air transportation use needs to be cut to descends air pollution. I firmly disagree with this view since aeroplane devotes many merits.  
  
There is no doubt that airplane's schedules today are more highly than before. This trend causes a bad effect on the air pollution, by the increasing of air travel, simultaneously air pollution is ascending that may contribute to global warming. For instance, plane's emission directly crashes the atmosphere. Consequently, earth atmosphere is damaged, makes a big hole that continuously expands which causes the increasing of earth's temperature. This means the government has to control air travel consumption to preserve the earth.  
  
However, even though plane's pollution ruin the atmosphere, aeroplane also helps a human in every business. Firstly, in this modern world, people have a tight bustle that forces them to move quickly. By using an airplane, they do not need more time to reach some places. This may cut corner society's time and make it more effective. Secondly, air travel opens up a huge number of occupations. This is helping the government to decrease the number of unemployment. Finally, a plane is not the only reason of gas pollution. America environment ministry declared that the most agent of air pollution came from motor vehicles like car and motorbike. By this means, the government has to focus on hamper the ascending of vehicle number.  
  
To conclude, air transportation contributes in the raising of air pollution nowadays, yet it really helps human. I disagree with the opinion that plane's schedule have to be decreased since the most causes that contribute to the pollution comes from car and motorcycle.
... use needs to be cut to ~~descends~~*curb the* air pollution.  
  
... a bad effect*dire effect/adverse effect/detrimental effect**in* the air pollution  
  
... is damaged, ~~makes~~*making* a big hole that continuously expands ~~which causes~~*and causing*~~the increasing of~~ earth's temperature *increase*  
  
~~By this means~~*By this I mean*, the government has to focus on hamper**ing** the ascending ...
Working as an employee in industry or office has less attractive for certain people than becomes an employer. Although, there are some drawbacks to start own business, I believe that the convenience often outweigh any drawbacks.  
  
There are two main disadvantages to become an entrepreneur. The one that makes people avoid to starts their own business is vast capital. It depends on type of business that they want to start, higher quality of this business, more much money that they need as a capital. Another drawback is businessman must always innovative in developing of their companies thus, they not failing with other new entrepreneurs.  
  
On the other hand, Starting own business has many benefits. The main one is its convenience. People who have business will not be tied by office hours. Also, they can create job, and give job opportunity to other persons. Businessman have flexibel time to manage their companies and most of entrepreneurs enjoy do their business activities. Taking my experience as an example. I am a Business woman, and I really enjoy my profession. I can arrange my own schedule and put my creative ideas to develop my business. I also able to help other people with recruit them to work together. As a result, I get high income and I feel happy when doing this.  
  
To sum up, I think that the advantages of starting own business are greater than its disadvantages. It is recommended to people who want to start their business to put their hobbies as a foundation of their companies.
The one that makes people avoid ~~to starts~~*starting* their own business  
  
**The**higher quality of ~~this~~*their* business, ~~more much~~*The much more* money ~~that~~ they need as a capital.  
  
must always **be** innovative  
  
companies, thus they *will not fail[/i~~]with other new entrepreneurs.~~ [i]in a competitive climate*  
to other ~~persons~~*people*  
  
businessman ~~have~~*has*  
*businessmen have* flexibel time to manage their companies and ~~most of entrepreneurs~~*most of whom* enjoy ~~do~~*doing* their business activities  
  
I **am**also able to help other people with recruit them to work together. As a result, I get high income and I feel happy when doing this.
Hai hai beauty, here are my opinions about your essay :)  
  
... for certain people than becomes an *employer*.  
be careful when paraphrasing a word  
employer = a person or organization that employs people  
employs = provide job  
employee = someone who is paid to work for someone else  
you should use **'an employee'**  
  
I believe that the convenience often ~~outweigh~~**outweighs** any drawbacks.  
  
~~Businessman~~**Businessmen** have ~~flexibel~~**flexible** time to manage their...  
Goodluck beauty!
Hi beauty17, I want to make some comments  
  
1. ... people avoid to start~~s~~ their own business ...  
To + infinitive, so after to you should use 'start' without s  
  
2. they do not failing with ...  
There is no verb in this sentence, you can use 'do' for verb  
  
3. There is a error spelling  
flexibel ----> flexible  
  
4. I feel happy when 'I' doing this ...  
After conjunction 'when', it is followed by S+V  
So you can use 'I'  
  
Thank you
**Intro**  
Undoubtedly, with the evolution of mankind in several thousand years, man has made tremendous amount of progress in nearly all aspects of life. This advancements are mainly the result of actions performed by people who were courage enough to try new methods and things. In our modern society we always encounter the dilemma of practicing new stuff or merely following the previous approaches. Upon this question, a diversity of answers will be presented due to difference in characteristics, educational backgrounds, or even emotional concerns. However, this should not insinuate that I have an ambivalent feeling about the debated question. Personally, I, to a great extent, am on the belief that we should try out new and different methods in our daily life. In the following discussion I am going to address some reasons as considering them would enables us to acquire a better prospect.  
  
**Conclusion**  
All in all, there is no unanimity on the controversial subject of whether implementing new methods is good or bad among people. While there are numerous facets that can be enumerated, I purposefully elected three obvious reasons that justifies my standpoint. Needless to say, just as an English proverb goes: "a coin has two sides", the people holding the contradictory notion can proffer rational and sensible reasons as well. Accordingly, a closer scrutiny and a meticulous investigation of merits and demerits of each side of this contentious issue is needed so as to obtain a determined answer.
**Some people say that in the modern world it is very difficult for people to have a healthy lifestyle. Others, however, say that it is easy for people to be healthy and fit if they want to be. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.**  
  
Recent years, being healthy is quite hard for several persons. Meanwhile others have opposite perception, and it just is depend on their willingness. Busy time is the mean reason for this problem, but I believe that persons can have time to do sport if they give space time for it.  
  
First of all, people especially workers and employees are always busy every day. Actually they go to work in early morning and go home over night. This activity makes them too tired to do other activity like sport. Meanwhile, in the weekend, they always use it to take rest or make quality time with their family. For example, every weekday, my father always spends much time in his office and arrives at home when I have slept. Than in weekend he always takes a rest and watch movie together with me and my mom.  
  
On the other hand, somebody has told me that time will be free if we give them space. Though every person has their own activity, and most of them have busy time, they can do certain activity if they want it. For example, employees just work in weekday, and they have free time in weekend. So, they can use their holiday to do sport, or they can do physical exercise in their office even just push. All of these activities are reasonable, and it just is just depend on their willingness.  
  
Overall it can be seen that the healthy life come from their self. Furthermore if they want to give them free space of time, they also can make it happen.
Hello Pramudiana27. i think your essay is pretty good, but this is my suggestion.  
1. *Meanwhile*, others have opposite perception...  
i think in this sentence, you missed out to put a comma after conjunction "meanwhile"  
  
... people especially *workers and employees* are always ...  
i think the words between "workers" and "employees" are have same meaning. so you can write one of them. or if you want to use both, you should use conjunction "or"  
  
3. *Furthermore*, if they want to give them ...  
i think in this sentence, you missed out to put a comma after conjunction "furthermore"  
  
4. ~~Than~~Then in weekend he always...  
than --> used to explain the comparison. [......more.....than....]  
then---> adverb --> to mean "next"  
i think this sentence more suitable with use "then"  
  
i hope it will be useful. good luck
The given table shows the comparisons of the proportions of students attending in 4 different educational institutions are the specialist, grammar, voluntary-controlled and community, between 2000 and 2009. It is noticeable that in three educational institutions the total of presented students decreases over the time. By contrast, community school has a significant increase in students attending.  
  
To begin, voluntary was the dominance in pupils attending at 52%, compared by grammar which only stood at 24% while specialist and community had the equal number at 12%. During 2006, community markedly escalated by approximately 20%. By contrast, even voluntary was still the most attendance although it showed a slight decrease to 38% and followed by grammar which decreased to one in twenty while the specialist was the least decrease which only by 1%.  
  
By 2009, the lowest attendance was on specialist then followed by grammar which accounted less than a fifth. Meanwhile, community slightly increased to around 60% which was three times as much as voluntary schools which was around 20% of pupil's attendance.
Helo Abraham,  
Hope you doing well, let me give you some input.  
Please kindly check it out  
  
==> ... attending in 4 different educational institutions (.)(New sentence)are the specialist, grammar, voluntary-controlled ...(this sentence is too long, maybe you can make it short)  
==> ... educational institutions the total of present~~ed~~ students decreas~~es~~ (ed) over the time.  
==> By contrast, (school) community ~~school~~ has a significant increase ...  
  
==> ~~To begin~~ (First/ at the beginning), voluntary was the dominance in pupils attending at 52%(I'm sorry, I did not get what you mention) , compared by (the) grammar which ...  
  
==> ... although it showed a slight decrease(d) to 38% and followed by (the) grammar which (...) was the least ~~decrease which only by~~(at) 1%.  
  
In this case, maybe you can give the table, it will help to correct your work  
  
Good luck and keep fighting  
Best regards, Tami :)
Hello I will give you suggestion:  
1. Please check your sentence using  
2. Be careful preposition and conjunction using  
3. Be careful article (a, an, the) using  
  
The given table shows the comparisons of ...  
It will be good if you say:  
  
The table gives information about the comparison of proportion students which is attend in different institutions between 2002 to 2009. The educational institutions consist of the specialist, grammar, voluntary-controlled and community, .....................................
***Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this.***  
  
Becoming parents are biggest responsibility for keep their children. One of working by parents teach their children become useful for citizens, good member and friendly with the other. On the other hand, school is one of place children to get information and knowledge how to be good people which can help other people. Some people argue that, parents should teach children how to be good member of society and other say school is the place to learn about this. In my view, parents and school are the place of children to get knowledge and habbit become friendly in society.  
  
Parents are good teacher after study in the school. Behavior of parents are the key of children to be good people. Children will imitate the habbit their mother and father. Because of this situation, parent become teacher for their children. Parent must teach their children how to be good members for society, they must give good example and explanation the benefit to be useful for other human. For example, if there are people get problem such as their neighboar, parents will help and give explanation to their children about helping of people is important because you live always need other people. People cannot life without other people, so become good members bring advantages for life. So, parent are the first teacher in the world.  
  
However, school is the place of children to get new experience. It will become place of children to show their ability, how to help other people, especially for their school environment. For example, if there are friend do not understand about the lesson, indirectly children must teach to help their friend to understand about the lesson or when teacher give task, they can learn together and become useful friend.  
  
In conclusion, parents are the first teacher for children to get good behavior and school is the place to get other information how to become good members and in the school are place to applicate their habbit and behavior which give their parent. So, parents and school place of children to get knowledge and applicate becom friendly human.
**INTRODUCTION**  
  
overall, I can catch your idea here, but the way you presented your sentence causes difficulty for the readers to comprehend your paragraph.  
  
*NEED TO ENHANCE YOUR LEXICAL RESOURCE. AVOID REPETITION, NOT ONLY ABOUT FOR THE IDEAS BUT ALSO THE WORDS*  
  
Becoming parents are a big~~gest~~ responsibility, ESPECIALLY for ~~keep~~RAISING their children WELL . One of ~~working by parents~~PARENTS DUTIES IS TO teach their children HOW TO become useful ~~for~~ citizens, (...) with the otherS . On the ~~other~~ONE hand, school is ~~one of~~A place FOR children to get information and knowledge OF how to be A good people which ...  
  
ALTHOUGH Some people argue that, parents ARE THE ONES THAT should teach children (...) of society ~~and~~ WHILE other say school is the BEST place to learn (...) get knowledge and habbit become friendly in society.  
  
**BODY PARAGRAPH**  
  
body 1:  
  
Behavior of parents are the key of children to be good .........................give good example and explanation the benefit to be useful for other human.  
THIS IS AN ADEQUATE IDEA AND EXPLANATION. ON THIS THREE SENTENCES, YOUR IDEA IS DEVELOPED WELL. HOWEVER, THE FIRST SENTENCE AND THE EXAMPLE TILL THE LAST SENTENCE IS INAPPROPRIATE.***Another important thing that I need to emerge and keep remind to you is to fix the way you produce sentence well. Even the best idea ever will not score high since your grammatical issue affect the coherence and cohesion of your writing. GOOD LUCK***  
  
body 2:  
  
However, school is ALSO the place of children to get new experience  
TAKE THIS AS YOUR MAIN IDEA AND THEN YOUR TASK IS DEVELOP IT WELL. HONESTLY, YOU GET THE IDEA OF THE QUESTION AND YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED TO WRITE, BUT THE WAY YOU PUT EXPLANATION AND EXAMPLE IS THE ONE THAT RUIN YOUR ESSAY  
  
**CONCLUSION:**  
REVISE IT, SHORTLY THIS IS A GOOD CONCLUSION SINCE YOU BRIEFLY MENTION YOU MAIN IDEAS HERE. THE ONLY PROBLEM IS YOUR SENTENCE STRUCTURE, FUNCTION, AND MEANING  
  
GOOD LUCK