dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## the percentage of UK students gaining second class degrees or better at a major UK University

  
  
At a university in the uk, there are not only uk but also many international students attending and achieving second or even better class degrees. The bar chart clearly illustrates the percentage of the two groups of students.  
  
In some society-related subjects, there is obviously more uk students who take and get a higher education. In art history and sociology, the home students dominate with 5-10 percentage higher in comparision. In internation law and english literature, there is a much bigger gap. Whereas, the foreign students only make up around 50 percent, the local students account for up to 20 percent higher.  
  
The international students, however, also express their strengths at two subjects: electrical engineering and information technology. Espeacially, in it, there is only around three out of five home students compared to the 85 percent of the oversea ones.  
  
Moreover, there is also a equal percenage of the two sections of students continuing and gaining better degrees in nursing( over three quarters) and accountancy( exactly sixty percent).  
  
Overall, the column graph demonstrates the percentage of two kinds of students following higher education as well as gives us the perception that any of the two have their own strengths and weaknesses denoted in certain subjects.  
  
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uk  
Word capitalization warning. The UK is the name of a country in Europe, The United Kingdom. It is a proper noun and should be written as such.  
  
second or even better class degrees  
No change to the original keyword reference. This is a TA and LR problem. It shows a lack of English vocabulary in reference to synonym knowledge. Replace all of the keywords in the restatement.  
  
two groups of students.  
Where is the trending statement? If need not be a paragraph. A single sentence at the end of the summary overview is more than acceptable.  
  
This is a task 1 essay. A concluding paragraph that restates the summary is out of place. It is not necessary in this type of report presentation.
First of all, I would like to understand where this note was written. This is definitely not an article, essay, or a thesis. It looks like part of something. And as already indicated in the answers above - decide on the purpose of this work and build a clear structure: the problem (introduction), the solution to the problem, the conclusions. The year 2009 is indicated on the graph - is this an error or was this year analyzed? Then here you should indicate why this particular year or give a comparison with the current one.  
  
And for last: "gives us the perception that any of the two have their own strengths and weaknesses denoted in certain subjects." I am personally very interested in what strengths and weaknesses denoted in certain subjects.  
  
P.s. if I have a dead end in the formation of the structure of the article, I do not hesitate to use external resources such as proofreading-editing/#proofreading-editing.  
  
Moderator, I have not seen a ban on the publication of links, if that.
**Task 1**: ## The chart below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities.

  
  
The bar chart illustrates the habits of customers in five cities in Australia about using coffee and tea.  
  
Overall, it is immediately apparent that the percentage of people who went to the cafe for coffee or tea in the last 4 weeks were significantly higher than two others.  
  
Looking at the graph, the number of people drinking coffee and tea stood at nearly 65% in Melbourne. The figure was mostly similar for people in Sydney and Hobart. Adelaide and Brisbane witnessed a great number of drinking in cafes, at about 50% and 55% respectively. While consuming instant coffee in Hobart was nearly 55%, the figure for this purpose in Melbourne was noticeably lower, at more than 45%  
  
The proportion of people buying fresh coffee accounted for about 45% in Sydney and Melbourne. While the figure for Brisbane and Adelaide was approximately 35%, Hobart saw a gradual increase in consumers using fresh coffee, at more than 35%.
The summary overview is too short and lacking in short data reference. List the cities surveyed, the measurement used for the survey, and thin merge it smoothly into the trending statement.  
  
Looking at the graph  
If it a bar chart or a line graph? Those are 2 different image references. Be accurate at all times, do not confuse the leader with conflicting image references. It would be best not to refer to the image reference anymore after the initial identification in the summary overview. That will help avoid image confusion that can confuse the reader and lower the GRA score.  
  
Vary the vocabulary in reference the percentage. Don't just keep using the percent sign. change it up with alternatives like ratio, proportion, or rate. Use complex comparative sentences whenever you can.
## WRITING TASK 1 - VISIT ABROAD BY UK RESIDENTS

  
  
Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below  
  
You should write at least 150 words.  
  
The first chart provides the information of the UK residents' purposes of visit in 5 years (1994-1998) while the second chart tells the audience their destinations during the same period.  
  
Overall, the British visit abroad the most in 1998 which amounts 28,828 people. As seen on the second chart, Western Europe is the most wanted destination as opposed to North America as the least wanted.  
  
As shown on the second chart, the number of people went to Western Europe in 1998 is the highest for just over 25,000 among other destinations. Furthermore, compared to other areas and Western Europe, the number of people traveled to North America is the lowest.  
  
On the first chart, holiday is the purpose of visit for people traveled the most as opposed to other reasons (20,700 people in 1998 and 896 people in 1995, respectively). Business purpose holds the second rank in which people traveled the most for and the number increased every year. Following to that, the purpose of visits to friends and relative is placed in the third and other reasons in the forth ( 3,181 people in 1998 and 990 people in 1998 respectively).  
  
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Avoid the temptation of a run - on sentence when writing the summary overview. The rule of thumb is one reference point per sentence. All ideas in the sentence must be related. When referring to 2 different images covering different information, use seperate sentences.  
  
The first chart  
second chart tell  
These are both charts of different kinds. The first is an information table and the second, a bar chart. Familiarity with major image types and the corresponding sub- image categories will be necessary to increase the TA and C + C scores of the writer.  
  
~~which amounts 28,828 people~~  
Actual measurement data is not presented in a trending sentence. Only a general reference is made to the uptick or downtick of measurements.  
  
is the lowest  
At what measurement? You are providing data where it is not required and withholding information where it is necessary.
## IELTS Writing Task 1 - sales of fairtrade-labelled coffee and banaanas

  
  
A breakdown of the analysis regarding the income of coffee and bananas in five different areas between 1999 and 2004 is depicted in the table. Looking for an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that the sales of coffee saw an upward trend in all of countries while the revenue of bananas two of the three countries experienced a downward trend. The largest increase in coffee sales was by far in the UK, whereas the most significant rise in bananas' revenue was in Belgium.  
  
A more detailed look in the bar chart, the figure for coffee in the UK rose significantly, from 1.5 to 20 euros throughout the period, followed by Switzerland and Belgium increased slightly from 3 to 6 millions and 1 to 1,7 millions respectively. The remaining two countries remained unchanged the given five-year period.  
  
Apart from the previous comparison, the sales of bananas experienced a slight increase in Belgium and UK , from 0,6 to 4 millions and 1 to 5 millions respectively, followed by Switzerland increased nearly threefold over the period. In contrast, the figure for Sweden and Denmark witnessed a slight dip, more than halved in the end of period.  
  
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is depicted in the table  
Incorrect. There are 2 seperate tables presented for this report. This is automatically a 4 paragraph report due to the number of images involved.  
  
that the sales of coffee  
while the revenue of bananas  
What is the connection between the 2 different products? Why did the writer choose to present unrelated info in a single sentence? What is the commonality ? The analysis is incomplete and confusing.  
  
The remaining two countries  
Refer to these by name and offer some sort of comparative analysis to help the C + C score.  
  
more than halved  
Based on what figure? Where is the basis of this conclusion?  
  
The uniter is in a hurry to complete the task. He was watching the clock more than he was studying the figures. This led to several haphazard references in the presentation that affected the report clarity.
***Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child's development while others think that it is important for children to go to school.***  
  
## Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion.

  
  
**My essay:**  
  
There are conflicting views about the problem that what is the most appropriate place for children to study and develop, in a school or at home. In my opinion, each place would have their own perks but the advantages for studying at school are much greater than those for learning at home.  
  
On the one hand, it is the flexibility that makes teaching at home to be the first choice of several parents. People can base on academic performance and needs of their children to tailor the most suitable curriculum. This helps their offspring get opportunity to concentrate on developing their strengths. Moreover, when studying at home, if your children have to cancel a lesson, due to sickness, for instance, they can learn this lesson in another day.  
  
On the other hand, schooling is the best studying place for some following benefits. Obviously, school provides students an environment to build social relationships. There would be a lot of students taking part in a school so that your children have a chance to make friends. In addition, entering a school helps children improve their soft skills as communication ability and solving problems, which are really advantageous for them when coming in the real life. Although it is possible to teach children those skills at home, they can not practice while school is a small society where is a best place for them to develop soft skills.  
  
Although teaching children at home is a good method, I believe that school is the most appropriate place for comprehensive development of children.  
  
Please give me feedbacks and points. Thanks a lot.
The writer has a tendency to create sentences that show a lack of sentence development control. While the presentation needs work in terms of proper vocabulary usage, the writer still manages to make his thoughts and opinions understood, except in the first reasoning paragraph. The writing there was a bit spotty and lacking in a cohesive presentation. The topic should have centered on curriculum flexibility. The paragraph did not have the right focus though. So the presentation was not well developed nor clearly explained. The writer lost control of the discussion in that part. Always stick to topic sentence related references for the discussion.  
  
Concluding paragraphs need at least 2 sentences with a properly presented discussion summary. The current concluding paragraph is incomplete and only partially completed in terms of presentation considerations.
## Children's vs grown ups Education funds

  
  
Prospering citizen's life is one of the most severe missions of every nation's government. In order to achieve it, education couldn't be a lack in the campaign. It is considered that the government should use more money on lessening illiteracy first. Nonetheless, the fact that a lot of public money is invested in innovation projects of course books, school facilities, and teaching methods for the purpose of encouraging young learners with their studying is more proper to my point of view.  
  
It can not be denied that paying attention to educate students can benefit the economy. Since the global economy has grown by leaps and bounds in the 21st century, we need to prepare a higher qualified workforce, which is made of our young people, for the future labor market. According to the International Labour Organization, Vietnam is lacking high-skilled workers seriously, which makes the percentage of high-skilled jobs was lower compared to the global average. This means that offering more opportunities to renovate education among the young is the most advisable way to create more high-paid jobs in the country.  
  
Besides, investing money in developing young learners' abilities is a good bargain comparing to the expenditure on teaching words for illiterate adults. As mentioned above, the young contribute a lot in enhancing the wealth of Vietnam by being a part of the high-skilled labor force. Therefore, public money spent on nowadays generation of Vietnamese students is a returnable budget. In contrast, it doesn't seem like the investment in adults will be very profitable, regrettably.  
  
Furthermore, the young may assist their parents or other adults in learning to read and write by volunteering. History had proved that this idea is definitely possible. The "Battle illiteracy" campaign in Vietnam from 1945 to 1948 was so successful partly because of the positive attendance of the pupils who had been illiterate already. My grandmother, at that time, was taught how to read and write Vietnamese by my mother and my uncles. Moreover, learning the alphabet is not a really hard work, especially for adults that aware of its importance, so they can manage to learn it without support from the government.  
  
To sum up briefly, as what Vietnamese people assumed, children are as the baby bamboos, when they're grown up, they are totally greener and stronger than the old ones, and we must take care of them more carefully for the good of the nation in future. Hence, the nation's finance should be used to encouraging learning among the young instead of wasting a large amount of money on adult education.
The topic begs the writer to consider the importance of education based on the age of the learner. The reason is because of government funding for both educational sectors. Such considerations are not present in the restatement. Additionally, the opinion response as required by the direct question is not provided in the proper paragraph placement either. What is present, is a direct discussion opening. which should not be written about till the second paragraph. The prompt replacement + personal opinion paragraph as required by the TA score is non-existent so this part of the writing test has failed.  
  
can not  
This should be written as one word. seperately, the meaning of the phrase does not make sense, as one word though, the meaning is correct.  
  
According to the International Labour Organization  
No.researched information. Always use general references to indicate public knowledge.  
  
The essay is not on point when one considers the title of the essay and information consideration. Since the actual prompt was not provided ., I am not sure about how to redirect the response to better align with the discussion.
## the ability to maintain friendships with old friends vs. the ability to make new friends?

  
  
Friends play a prominent role in our life, so it is pivotal for everyone to have appropriate friends. Apart from that, keep continuing the relationship with old friends is another issue. As far as I am concerned, preserving friendships with our friends is a precious ability to be happy although they would be few. I feel this way for two main reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.  
  
To begin with, we could set up a deeper and closer connection with an old friend than with fresh friends. The more a relationship takes time, the more we can know our friends. As a result, you would realize different aspects of the personality of friends, which means you can trust them better. Furthermore, when we build a good perception of our friends, we can predict their reactions certainly. In this regard, we would have a better sense and happier times. For instance, ten years ago I get admission from the university that my old friend, Sam, was there. Even though I found many new friends, my most valuable incidents happened with Sam. Since we know each other completely, we knew what to do to make happy each other. On the contrary, it was hard for me to hang out with fresh friends because I did not know them and consequently could not trust them.  
  
Secondly, friends who know each other for a long time care about themselves better. Socialists liken the relationship to investment so that everything we do with our friends would turn back to us. Since people spend their best time with their friends, they expect their friends to give hand them when they get stuck in trouble. In contrast, people do not matter about the friends who do not them well for a long time. My personal example is a compelling example of this. I have a long friendship with my friend, Sam. Thanks to my job and my numerous travel, I find a new friend on every journey. I hang out with them, or I watch a TV show. However, my best and happier time is with Sam, for I think he will be with me for a long time, and we could contribute ourselves to improve the quality of life.  
  
In conclusion, in my opinion, the capability of retaining a long relationship with an old friend is more precious and brings about more happiness for us than the ability to make a new friend. This is because a long relationship causes deeper and valuable connections, and aged friends with a long history in friendship care about each other better and more.
Well, the writer definitely makes a convincing arguement for keeping old friends and its importance to the social development and life skills of a person. I have to wonder though, rather than the long- winded response, why did the miter not simply say " I agree" then indicate the reasons why for further expansion in the upcoming paragraphs?  
  
The writer has a problem with word usage though. A socialist is a supporter of socialism. A social expert is a professional who specializes in the study of people within a social setting. Proper terminology and word usage are essential to the increase of the writer's final score. word exercises should help the writer in this aspect. Time frame or Word tense references are also off in this presentation. Further studies in proper word formation basedon tense usage is a must.
## financial crime

  
  
With the strongly development of the Internet, identify theft has been increasing in many countries. There are 2 reasons and 3 solutions given below.  
The fundamental reason is that there is a big amount of money which earning from a grant source of information on the Internet as nowadays. People all over the world, currently access to technology more and probably provide individual information on the Internet, especially on the social media applications such as Facebook, Instagram, Twwitter. With them, people can connect, communicate with everyone and easily find useful documents on platforms, therefore, the bulk of users are leaving a big database of customers which the theft are attacking to have it. Moreover, there are many need for buying identify of customers to seek people who company want to approach so as to maybe advertise and sell their goods.  
  
However, it is illegal to steal identity. It has some negative effects on the victims involved. Customer do not want to be intruded into private life. One of the solution given is to raise awareness of citizen to take precautions of provide individual information with stranger. People should carefully consider to join in a group, platforms or websides in the Internet. If have any doubt, contact with the neareast local police. Furthermore, the government should issue stricter rule to prevent theft from financial crime. Law on cyber security should be published to ensure social order and safety in cyberspace; and the responsibilities of agencies, organizations and individuals involved  
  
In conclusion, financial crime should be extruded to protect civilians from dangerous attacking
While the essay meets the word requirement, it does not meet the paragraph / response format scoring expectations. This is a 4 paragraph essay presentation of 3 - 5 sentences each. The restatement should be composed of 3 sentences or 2 full written lines composed of:  
  
- topic restatement  
- Cause or reason for identity theft  
- Effect of identity theft  
  
The above TA expectations are missing from the first paragraph.  
  
The writer is focused on identity theft in relation to technology. However, there are other, simpler forms of identity theft which were not mentioned in the orginal prompt. Therefore, a general discussion focus is more advisable as a discussion approach. The outcome of the causes would therefore, be more properly developed in the discussion. The effect would be the same, regardless of the causes.
SUMMARY OF THE PRODUCTS EXPORT TABLE  
  
The table gives information about the amount of money generated from the exporting of different products in the two years 2009 and 2010.  
It can be seen that total export values increased, despite some forward trends in categories of clothing and manufacturing. The most significant change came in the metals category.  
  
In 2009, equipment made up nearly one third of total export value, at 10.3 billion HK dollars, which ranked first among all products. However, with an increase of 61% in the value of goods sent to foreign countries, telecommunity products made the largest contribution to total value, with 12.7 billion HK dollars in 2010. 2010 also witnessed the most significant change in money coming from exporting metals, by 122%, from 2.3 billion to 5.1 billion.  
  
The amount of money received from exporting clothing and manufacturing decreased 17% and 27% respectively. As a result, clothing and manufacturing contributed less to the total value of exports in 2010 compared to the year before.  
  
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The writer did not refer to the comparison changes that were indicated in the chart for both years. The percentage of data changes year on year shows the trending growth or shrinkage of each sector. This information is a must for the presentation within the trending paragraph. I sense that the writer did not include it in the presentation due to an uncertainty about how to use the changes report. The changes should be presented last. As a comparison final sentence for the years indicated. The report is incomplete without the reference /analysis of the degree of changes. Always present an equal number of sentences per paragraph. An academic paragraph is always composed of 3-5 sentences. The 3rd paragraph does not represent a valid academic analysis as it is short in sentence count.