dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
hi dio,i will try to correct of what you wrote  
  
In the fact, creativity (is) only unessential and not (to) become focus ...  
... prefer to focus on the ways (which without to) to produce professors and have a tendency to (get) more focus on exact subjects for (for + V-ing) prepare their student (students) to face (without in) in the future.  
  
... several subjects (...) science (are) always on the top of concern subjects.  
He (gave) gives an interesting example about ...  
..., the teacher (asked) ask about what the girl draw. She replies (replied) that she (was) trying to draw a God.  
School has (has + V3) killing the creativity ...  
  
If the speaker talked about so we use Verb 2 or pas tense  
  
thank you
An experiment revealed the social transfer of pain which is examined in mice. This studies explained the causes of phenomenon that most people feel pain without injury or well-known as an obvious medical cause. The result illustrated that the healthy mice experienced pain if they met other mice that injured and pain can develop social cues. The researchers argued that transferring pain in mice is delivered through secreted that is produced by the mice. This result is connected in human life that there is possibility to the healthy people who interact with the chronic patient can be infected, as a result, people who uncomfortable without clear reason is explained through this experiment.  
  
source : newscientist
Hi sari,  
I have some advice for you  
  
The result illustrated ~~that~~ the healthy mice **that** experienced pain (...) and **also** pain can develop social cues.  
... transferring pain in mice ~~is~~ delivered through ~~secreted~~**secretion** that is produced by the mice. This result is connected ~~in~~**to** human life that there is possibility ~~to~~**for**~~the~~ healthy people who ...  
  
Thank you  
Hope it helps and keep writing :D
**China plans launch the biggest space plane to carry 20 tourists**  
  
Even China can't resist the lure of space tourism. A state-backed firm is developing and design a gigantic space plane. The plane may one day fly up to the edge of space.  
  
The China Academy of Launch Vehicle Technology in Beijing has designed a simple, one-piece space plane whose design can be scaled up to carry more people, academy rocket scientist Lui Haiquang told the International Astronautical Congress in Guadalajara, Mexico, last week.  
  
The academy will have plenty of competition. Big companies such as Virgin Galactic, whose Space Ship Two space plane will offer six passengers trips and XCOR, whose proposed Lynx vehicle will fly a single passenger seated beside a pilot. Blue Origin's suborbital space capsule, New Shepard, aims to carry six tourists. But, academy team believe consumer demand will be high enough to build more higher capacity spacecraft.  
  
A large number of people are interested in the experience of space flight. This project will very attractive for some people such as bosses and businessmen.  
  
They have designed a winged rocket that takes off under its own power. That sets it apart from Space Ship Two, which must be carried to high altitude by an aircraft before firing its own rocket.
Hello Dioba  
There are some comments from me, hope it can help you  
  
developing and design  
**...pararell and have to combine both words that have equal position. developing(gerund) is unequal with design (verb)**  
  
Big companies ~~such as~~ Virgin Galactic  
**....using such as if you have more than one example. better if you use *like***  
  
~~But~~ , academy team believe ...  
**...but, do not used to begin a sentence. better if you use while, in the opposite, and other starting words**
**Sir Ken Robinson-Do Schools Kill Creativity**  
  
Sir Ken Robinson stated that every child born as a talented artist. Most of the people just forgot that as they were children, they had an extraordinary capacity for innovating. Children is remarkable due to their bravery, they do not even afraid to get wrong and this is important that if you are not getting wrong you will not come out with anything original. However, unfortunately, as the people growing up this sense of fearlessness to explore the world starts to fade away.  
  
As individuals become an adult, they start to be a rigid on thinking and less creative, this is something inevitable as it results from school processes. Nevertheless, it is generally realize that everybody has interest in educational issue. Along with that, the purpose of a study nowadays focuses on how the institutions produce university professors. There is also tendency to pay more attention to particular subject concern with math instead of arts, in case of the future preparation. Covering the issue, it is important to have a note that creativity also important in education as well as literacy.
i'd like to help you to correct your article  
  
... that every child (was) born as a talented artist.  
... extraordinary capacity for innovating (innovation). Children is (are) remarkable due to (...) not even afraid (of) to get wrong and ...  
However,(However is enough without unfortunately) unfortunately, as the people (...) to explore (that) the world ...  
  
As individuals (plural) become an adult, ...  
... realize that everybody has (an) interest in educational issue.  
There is also (a) tendency to pay more attention to particular subject (which) concern with ...  
... to have a note that creativity (is) also important in ...
Children nowadays are becoming overwhelm with numerous school activities and abundant pressure related their performance. This is indirectly demolishing their opportunity to develop creative thinking to explore their world and to discover their self. Children spend about eight hours per day on modern technology devices, besides the scheduled program that they have.  
  
Related this issue, the parents need to be more sensitive to realize how their children want to get free from all this rigid agendas. As the result of this kind of manner, children become passive in their leisure time, involved and engaged in passive entertainment by using their fingertip on the surface of tablet, instead of have time to dream and imagine. This is undeniable coming up with the parents desire, as they are very scare if their children not having an excellent in academic or other fields. Something important that the parents should take into account in which imagination needs free room and time to thrive, and this is absolutely based on their support. Therefore, as the parents want to develop their children imagination it is imperative that they give them space to have it.
Hi, let me give some advice, perhaps useful for you.  
1.Children nowadays are becoming overwhelm with ... ---> transition word (commonly for showing time), commonly in initial sentence.  
2. ~~rigid~~ agendas. -----> inappropriate using rigid to represent agendas. better use strict for agendas or schedule  
3. ... creative thinking ~~to~~ explore their world and to discover ~~their self.~~ ---->... creative thinking for explore their world and to discover themself.
***Why Uganda is a model for dealing with refugees***  
  
The EU countries committee to provide abodes for asylum-seekers even it has been a predominant trouble in a dozen of European countries for the last decade. Recently, French governments have eradicated a refugee camp in Calais which previously has been symbolic of Europe's policies. They argue that refugee has resulted in many social troubles such as increasing the crime rate and national security.  
  
Surprisingly, according to Oxford Refugees Studies Centre, Uganda is the most welcoming country in the world for asylum-seekers. Since 2006 lavish of refugees have been granted freedom, free of hostility and get equal access to health care and education. Those services convey numerous benefits. They have flourished in economic development and mitigate unemployment rate. Furthermore, the relationship between refugees and local people are generally peaceful.  
  
source: economist
Ken Robinson on his TED stage talk about education and creativity. Every education system on earth has the same composition of subjects. At the top there are mathematics, languages and at the bottom are the arts. Moreover, art and music are higher in schools than drama and dance. Dance lesson is also important, as important as math subject.  
  
The composition of education is split on two ideas. First, the most useful subjects for work are on the top. So they were probably conducted away from things at school when they were a child and things they liked are on the bottom that they would never get a job by doing that thing. The second is shcolastic ability, which has really come to control people aspect of intelligence. If people think of it, the whole system of public education around the world is a never-ending process of university admission and the result is that many highly-talented, brilliant, creative people think they are not, because the thing they were good at at school was not valued.
Hi Vinau...  
  
... his TED stage talked about education and creativity. Every education system on the earth has the same ~~composition~~proportion of subjects. At the top, there are mathematic~~s~~and language~~s~~while~~and~~ at the bottom ~~are~~is the art~~s~~ .  
  
Dance lesson is also important ~~as important~~ as math subject.  
  
... subjects for working are on the top.  
... school when they were ~~a child~~childrem and **things** they liked are on (...) by doing that **thing**you have to avoid using "thing" . The second is shcolastic ability~~,~~ which ~~has really come to~~~~come as the big~~ control toward people aspect of intelligence.  
  
..., because the **thing**they were good at ...
When we focus on something we usually do not notice our peripheral area, we may know there is something blurry around but we actually do not pay attention to it. Some people need to focus on the blur that surrounds where they stand on such as Athletes. They optimise their peripheral vision ability to see all around clearly.  
  
An athlete is trained to upgrade their visual ability to detecting and tracking what come around as much as he could. In a game, anything could show up suddenly but Athletes can catch their environment condition quickly although they move so fast without losing any concentration. The combination of good footwork, body position and peripheral vision will help improve viewing time and give the opportunity to foreknow what next.  
  
Athlete viewpoint is full of motion which means need to be skimmed but clear. Any object could emerge from any porous quickly, that compel the athlete to balance their head movement an eye motion to move faster in response. A volleyball player needs to stay in a position that ready to face the speed and angel of the direction of the ball and the other player movement.  
  
Contrasting court backgrounds, enlightening, the obvious divergence of uniform and less of-court motion could help the athlete to exacerbate their visual. It is strange to using a grey uniform while bright colours would help them to keep on eyes in each member.  
  
Everything that brings out distraction while they are in focus will carry pause moment. Pause moment will convey a blurred view during visual tracking error. Even, every single of blinking may occur interferes. Human blinking is about two or a half seconds every minute and it will be more if people under anxiety attack. This occurs prompt blurs while eyes motion in and out of focus on particular objects. Athlete trained to be able to anticipate and outgrow all non-visual moment.
Hi fauziyah,  
  
Here some suggestions for you.  
  
... there is something blurry around but weactually do not pay attention to it.  
This is clear that the individuals cannot pay attention on something blurry. You may can modify this part become: When we focus on something we usually do not notice our peripheral area, as this area blurry around in which it is hard to pay attention on it.  
  
An athlete is trained to upgrade their visual ability to detect~~ing~~ and to track~~ing~~ ...  
  
... it will be more if people under anxiety attack.  
For correction, there is no anxiety attack on psychological terms, there is only panic attack.  
  
Good luck
Hi, let me give some advice, perhaps useful for you  
1.~~to detecting~~ ----> to detect. **Remember, to infinitive. To should be follow by v1/bare infinitive**  
So, it should be : to detect and track  
2.do not pay attention ~~to~~ it. -----> about  
3.to balance their head movement ~~an~~ and eye motion to ...---.> missspeling word
A recent research results in the number of wild animal population have fallen by an average of 58%. Zoological Society of London (ZSL) and WWF have conducted The Living Planet Assessment that suggests the decline of wildlife population could reach two-thirds among vertebrates by 2020 and the animals living in the lakes, rivers, and wetlands are suffering the biggest losses.  
  
This result, however, becomes debatable when several experts opine that the data have many gaps. The input data are massively taken from Western Europe and there is not much from regions such as South America, tropical Africa and other tropical areas.  
  
To conclude, the most necessary point to gain in this statistic is this trend is about declining and it is not extinction to the animals in wildlife populations. Hence, there is an opportunity to do the effective way to preserve the condition to become worse.
**Summary TED: Do School kill creativity**  
  
The speaker name is Sir Ken Robinson, at that time they talk about the real human creativity. Robinson is a person who is fascinated to education, he said it is because education can bring people to know other aspect like religion, economic and technology.  
  
Nowadays there is condition that is obstructing the progress of education. It is because almost all area in the intercontinental have same system education such subject in their curriculum. They give extra attention for mathematics and language, while humanity has position in the bottom. He said the predominant problem is there is no specific colleges. The specific colleges mean school or university that convey materials to their student partially. This university provides all subjects with same proportion one and another. For example, student who want to be a musician, they just teach about guitar, piano, drum and other equipment that have correlation between their job in the future. He firmly trust with his sentiment could growth the inspiration of the scholar.
Hi Mathew8..  
  
... Ken Robinson, at that time **they**(it does not refer to anything, since you never mention it before) talk about ...  
Robinson is a person who ~~is~~ fascinated to education, ~~he said it is~~ because education can ...  
  
He said the predominant problem is ~~there is no~~the absence of specific colleges. The specific colleges mean the school or the university that convey ...  
  
... all subjects with the same proportion ...  
For example, students who want to be a musician, (...) and other equipments that have correlation ...  
  
Good Job
**TED Talk Summary; Do Schools Kill Creativity?**  
  
Every child has their own tremendous talent to be more creative. Education system, therefore, should treat creativity as the same status as other academic subjects. However, academic ability taught at school is always about useful subject for work and academic ability which has been ready to come to dominate our intelligent. Every education system on earth has the same hierarchy subjects in which the top is mathematics and languages and the bottom is humanity as well as arts.  
  
Moreover, the system of education in the world is frankly protecting the process of university entrance that may results in failing to accept the real highly talented, brilliant and creative people.  
  
In the future, education system should adopt a new conception of human ecology that renew conception of human capacity. The system should rethink the fundamental principles on what we are educating our children now and realise that creativity is as imperative as academic and formal education.
This year is an election year in The United Stated of America. Two of the major party, Republic and Democrat, released their candidate to obtain position as president of that super-power federal state. There are Hilary Clinton from democrat side and Donald Trump as Republican side. The USA is a liberal country with regulation about freedom of speak; accordingly, making this election with campaign calendar was so high tension. The last presidential debate slated to from October 19th 2016 in The USA time area makes Clinton so enough with word-attacks from Trump. Clinton's deleted mails is one of the ingredients of Trump's speak in debate; he, moreover, urges Clinton about what really the mails about. In before, Clinton delates myriad mails on her mail box and array of them had laid out by Wikileaks. Furthermore, Clinton claimed about new federal intelligence repot and she added Russia as culprit of this cyber-crime. In same time, Clinton pressed Trump to lay out his tax report; there is indication about Trump has a illegal will to hide his tax report.
***Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organisation. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?***  
  
At present, many people have chosen to become an entrepreneur than decide to be an employee. Some society argue, it will much better if they start their own business and other think become worker-force is better. I tend to stand out for first statement since I believe that the advantages of becoming an entrepreneur stronger than the disadvantages.  
  
As the impact of modern era, there are so many big companies are built. Surely, it needs many employees to work there. This becomes gold chance for job-seeker or fresh graduate who want to improve their self or just get income by working. They can work in company or organization and apply their knowledge from college. For instance, people who study about finance. They will choose to working in companies that relate with their study, such as bank, pawnshop, or in government. It sounds good since they can apply their knowledge, learn new knowledge by work-experience, which is affect to company income as well.  
  
However, working for a company make us do not innovative. In a company, people only ask to do something, what company want and what they have to do. They do not have any chance to improve their personal skills. Taking a design interior as an example. They only do what company ask to do. How to design something, what is designed, all of that are set by company. They cannot make their own style since they have to follow company rules. People become close minded, and over time they will lose their natural ability. Meanwhile, start up make their chance to work independent bigger than be employee.  
  
All in all, be a worker force can make us learn from the big company which have through the hardness of start new business but it makes people become less creative since all of people activity is set by company.
Hi Nurainiyusuf16, I want you obtain some suggestions from me  
  
here we go  
  
At present, many people have many chosen to become ...  
Some society argue that , it will much better ...  
  
... are so many big companies ~~are~~ built.  
... employees to work in there. ~~This~~It becomes gold chance ...  
... company or organization and **[you need a gerund or sunject in here]** apply their ...  
  
... a company makes us do not innovative.  
They only do what the company ask to do.  
... since they have to follow the company rules. [you need some conjunction in here] People become close minded, and over time they will lose their natural ability [this santance is too bias ]. M  
  
note: keep writing and go ahead
Hi Nuraini,  
I have some advice for you  
  
- Some society ~~argue,~~**argued that** it will much better if ...  
- They will choose to ~~working~~**work** in companies that relate ~~with~~**to** their study, such as ...  
- ... what company ~~want~~**wants** and what they have to do.  
- Meanwhile, ~~start up~~**start-up** make their chance (...) than be **an** employee.  
- ... the big company which ~~have~~**has**~~through~~ the hardness of ...  
  
Thank you  
Hope it helps :D
Hello Nuraini,  
I think that you didn't answer the principal question about advantages and disadvantages of self-employment  
-In both body paragraphs you talk about big companies  
-Although, this sentence could be a good beginning for further development and the evidence of the second opinion  
Meanwhile, start up make their chance to work independent bigger than be employee.  
-some ~~society~~societies  
-~~their self~~ themselves  
- and apply their knowledge from college~~. F~~, f or instance, people who study ~~about~~ finance.  
- They will choose to work~~ing~~  
-such as a bank, a pawnshop, or ~~in~~ government.  
- they can apply their knowledge, ~~learn new knowledge~~ ... their knowledge, gain new experience.  
-which ~~is~~ affects~~to~~ company income as well.  
- However, working for a company ~~make us do not innovative.~~doesn't make us innovative  
- skills~~. T~~, t aking a design interior as an example.  
- all ~~of~~ that are set by a company  
- a start up makes their chance to work independentlymore than to be an employee.  
  
Bye-bye.
hai aini, here are my suggestions for your essay  
  
Some ~~society~~**societies** argue, it will ~~much~~**be** better if they start their ...  
  
*You are good in explanation ainiii  
but in my opinion, your essay is out of topic  
the question is 'do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?'  
we have to focus about the advantages and disadvantages of enterpreneurship but you compared becoming an employee and becoming an enterpreneur*  
  
hope it will be helpful
**TED Summary : Do Schools Kill Creativity?**  
  
Sir Ken Robinson, in his presentation on TED Talk, discussed the issue about education that kills creativity. It was evident that there were a lot of extraordinary human creativity in world. He narrowed down about education systems in world that have hierarchy with the range of subject like in first position there are mathematics and language, the second place is social and sciences and the last is arts. He did not agree with educational systems that think being wrong as a worst matter, while it was initial step to be a creative. In addition, in this modern era, people have tendency to enrol school to find a job, not to receive knowledge and parents give too much pressure to children in order to make bright future for their children. He also mentioned diverse, dynamic and distinct as three main parts about intelligence. In his conclusion, they invited audience to re-clarify the education systems to let children grow belongs to their age and their ability although future is not predictable.