dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Holiday to the beach or mountain

  
  
According to some person, go to mountain is the good choice for doing holiday. Meanwhile, another people think that joining friends to the beach have a good quality time for them. Generallly, I agree that both of them have some beneficial itself. For example, hiking to mountain have relaxing effect for individual and going to the beach give the best alternative to having fun with friends.  
  
It is important for people to consider about the leisure time with hiking to the mountain, because looking the mountain would give positive effect to relaxing mind and refreshing the eyes. For example camping to Rinjani Mountain in West Nusa Tenggara, we can see the amazing view of nature such as the lack, hill, cloud, and another awesome picture. By enjoying the best creature in this world, it can be result to increasing the positive energy that so powerful. It is clear that spending holiday in the mountain is the best consideration.  
  
It is important to someone who wants spending time with closest friends to going the beach, because in the beach we can doing fun activities with friends. For instance travelling to Raja Ampat beach in Papua, in there we can do some water sport such as banana boat, beach volleyball, and the other exciting activities. As a result, by having fun with friends in the beach give a great experience that unforgettable moment. It is clear that enjoying holiday with the friend to beach is a best choice.  
  
In conclusion, although spending holiday with hiking the mountain is the best activities for relaxing the body and mind, going to the beach with the friends is the best choice for having fun. It is suggested that people who want get a meaningful journey in the leisure time to go to the mountain
Please provide the complete prompt next time. It will help me better assess your work based on the discussion instructions and requirements. I will give a general review of your paper for now.  
  
You cannot use both a singular and plural reference in the same paragraph. The first paragraph has sentence grammar issues because, in the first sentence you refer to "some person" but in the next sentence address "another people". Be uniform in your numerical reference. Since the original prompt refers to the plural form, your alternate reference words should also be in the plural format.  
  
Do not start your paragraphs with redundant phrases such as "It is important ..." This shows a limited grammar range on your part and an incapacity to form original topic sentences. You clearly show an ability to use only memorized phrases, which will definitely have a direct effect on your TA and GRA score.
Writing Task  
Question:  
  
***Some people argue that going to mountain is considered to be the best time for holiday. However others believe that going to the beach can have a better time with friends.***  
  
## To what extend do you agree or disagree?

  
  
Answer:  
Vacation is a free time from all work activities. There are many activities that can be done during the holidays to get rid of boredom. Many people think going to the mountains and to the beach is the right solution to fill vacation time. The two activities are equally enjoyable and rewarding.  
  
It is important that going to the mountains is the best time for the holiday. Because they think that going to the mountains in addition to being fun and healthy for the body can also be a solution to calm yourself down and find inspiration, moreover going to the mountains can be a challenge for yourself and the bonus of being able to enjoy the beauty of an unusual universe. For an example, take part in a group of climbers so they can also find out more about knowledge about mountains or if it is more fun to go with family and friends. As a result, creates a feeling of peace, cultivates compassion for sentient beings, increases body strength, and will get used to working with teams. It is clear that going to the mountains is the best choice when on holiday because besides being fun there are also many other benefits.  
  
However, not only going to the mountains, some people believe that the Going to the beach can have a better time with friend. Because they think that going to the beach can create a feeling of peace and calm, more relax. For an example, swimming on the beach, playing volleyball on the beach, enjoying the beautiful blue sea. As a result, Eliminating fatigue, Enjoying the beautiful blue sea, sea water benefits the skin, and creating a feeling of happiness. It is clear that going on vacation is the best option.  
  
In conclusion, although going to the mountains on vacation is a great choice as a moment to win thoughts and many other benefits, going to the beach is also fun, can relieve fatigue and create a feeling of happiness. It is suggested that, many people believe that going to the beach is the best solution for going on a fun vacation without any hard effort.
The extent essay instruction asks you to give a measured response based on the given discussion. That means you have to clearly indicate an opinion that either agrees or disagrees with the given 2 opinions. You cannot have an "equal opinion" for both because that means you do not have an opinion at all. You are scored in the TA section based upon your opinion of the discussion topic. There are only 2 choices, either you agree or disagree to a measured extent, there is no "equal agreement and disagreement" with the given topic. The response must always indicate the reason for the extent of the response. This is not a comparative essay. It is still a single opinion essay. You give a measured response that should indicate:  
  
*I disagree with these statements due to the consideration that each activity ...  
  
I agree with the statements because of the way that both activities...*
Hello everybody,  
Would you read it and give me some advice? What should I change or for what should I focus on. I will be thankful.  
  
## Are Pro Athletes Overpaid?

  
  
*In every country professional sport is important part of life inhabitants. They interested in sport achievements and private life of sport stars. Many funs following their profiles on social medias. However many people would say that sports stars earn too much.  
  
First, I'd like to put the argument against that salary of the sports stars is too high. They training almost all life, since they've been a child. If they haven't a talent they didn't achieved the success of sport. Their life is focuses on everyday training and making progress on sport discipline.  
  
On the other hand, many other professions like doctors or teachers are more responsible and less paid. They' ve been working since young age to be the best too. Most of them working every day helping unknown people.  
  
Another argument against that sports stars earn too much is fact that the biggest share of their salary comes from products ads. They are in commercial on TV.  
  
In my view sports stars earn much money, but they are famous because they' ve been working all life to achieve the highest results.*
You must avoid using informal English, specifically contractions in your presentation. Those will still count at two words in the eyes of the examiner, resulting in an over the top excessive word count in your essay. It is okay to be a few words over the limit, it is not okay to be excessively over the limit, which is the result of the use of contractions in your presentation.  
  
Although your grammar is not perfect, your ideas still come across clearly to the reader. However, you forgot to include the question you are responding to which has prevented me from providing you with a more intricate review of your work. I hope that you can provide the question, the complete question next time, so that I can review your response based on the proper writing considerations for an FCE essay.
## To succeed in a business, one needs to know maths. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
It is undeniable that Math is a fundamental subject and considerably relates to occupations to some extent. Some believe that people can gain success in business only when they excel in mathematical skill. I generally disagree with this opinion as there is also a wide range of factors that contribute to the final outcome.  
  
Admittedly, I do understand the point of view of those who say Math takes pride in place. It is true that an excellent arithmetic background would possibly formulate logical thinking ability. As a result, people with such advantage could accomplish a company task in a more straightforward way and then bring a faster outcome. Moreover, if an entrepreneur has a mathematical capability, he would be able to analyze and anticipate a market trend and make a lucrative decision on each project. Consequently, this could bring a substantial profit to a business.  
  
However, I am all for the opinion that one can lead a business successfully without an excellent numerical ability. In many cases, a company can hire high-qualified employees or financial consultants to take charge of accounting work. Therefore, a businessman could take time for other jobs like negotiating or inventing new products. Another reason for prosperous cooperation is the characters of an entrepreneur. There are many crucial elements outweighed calculation skill such as leadership and communication. For example, if a manager of a business lacks a vision of the leader, regardless of how excellent his mathematical skill is, he would probably fail in his career. Otherwise, an entrepreneur with great communication and leadership skill may know how to use people and inspire employees to establish an efficient company.  
  
To conclude, although Math is an important component of a company to flourish, it is not a prerequisite for a successful businessman.
It is undeniable  
- Anybody can deny this claim. There are successful business people who are not exactly the best and the brightest when it comes to Math. Do not make over reaching declarations. Specially, do not offer unsolicited opinions as the essay does not require additional information from you. It only requires a reframing of the original prompt in a manner as close to the original presentation as possible.  
  
considerably relates to occupations to some extent.  
- This an opinion that should have been presented as your thesis statement. You should not have presented this in the first sentence. As a direct question response, it should be contained in your response sentence at the end of the paragraph. Your current response is therefore insufficient as it does not reflect an actual extent response.  
  
Admittedly, I do understand the point of view of those who say Math takes pride in place  
- You have changed the discussion parameters, this will cause your essay to fail. Stick to the given discussion, related reasoning,and nothing more. Changing the discussion topic, by offering an opinion in an essay that does not ask you to change the discussion opinion of the presentation, will result in a failing score.
## Describe information in a map

  
  
Langley town has been flourished from 1910 to 1950. The town house along Jordan and Sherman street are removed, local people now live in the Flats in the left side of Jordan street. On the areas of old Factory, the Sherman Mansion was built. The new street connect Sherman street and the removable old Rail Way line was built name New Land. On the right side of New Land there are three new stores and the old store at Sherman street was destroyed. With the development the old Rail way and also the rail way worker cottages were removed. On that area they built the Sherman park which has the children's play areas on the New Lane side opposite to the stores. The café moved to the opposite, next to the Mansion on Sherman street. The Laundry was rebuilt behind the café. Within 40 years Langley town developed quickly from a countryside with a large wastes land due to factory to a modern town with more recreational facilities.  
  
*
The format for the essay presentation is incorrect. You always need to present a minimum of 3 paragraphs for comparative image presentations. The 3 paragraphs have to cover:  
  
- The summary of the information provided in the original prompt  
- The first image discussion points  
- The second image comparison points in reference to the first image.  
  
Separating your presentation paragraphs will help add clarity to the presentation and also, make it easier for the reader to follow the discussion. The paragraphs create pauses for the reader, giving them time to assess your presentation for coherence and cohesiveness.  
  
The presentation contains several grammatical inaccuracies. These have to do with your ability to present the proper past tense reference points for your data. The 1910 description should not contain references to changes in the map yet. That should come when you discuss the comparison with the 1950 image.
## summarising and evaluating the key points from text provided

  
  
Please find attached the photo for the Task Question.  
  
Opinions greatly differ as to whether people should conform to or ignore socially accepted codes of etiquette. From a relatively collectivistic perspective, a societal edifice is comprised of individual bricks inexorably bound up to one another, and mutual understanding, especially among generations, is what cements the structure. Taking from a more polarized individualistic stance, however, some others are opposed to this idea, claiming that individuality is what a decent society should respect.  
  
Advocates of a highly independent, deliberately-ignorant-of-others way of life believe that caring too much about others' points of view is a potential hindrance to one person's zeal and creativity. An individual is mentally healthier, or so they thought, if they are able to resist social norms. However, this idea is flawed as it fails to take into account the very fact that we are not living separately in detached areas; together we build up a society in which every single act of ours has a casual link to one another. A selfish act of violating social distancing laws by strolling around in public places when the COVID-19 pandemic is still terrorizing every single entity on Earth is never a sign of positive individuality; it is a selfish, diabolical act that causes great sufferings to others.  
  
Instead, mutual understanding is what it takes for individuals to develop as a whole. Generational gap has been cited as one of the most significant concerns. Older people complain about young people paying too much attention to electronic devices, whereas we can also hear the young decrying their parents and grandparents for not spending enough time learning how to use those gadgets. Such trivial conflicts would be resolved if the older people put their prejudices aside to get to know the significance and the convenience of the devices, and vice versa, young people were able to know that their parents and grandparents were technological immigrants, and it takes time for them to get the hang of the basic functions of smartphones.  
  
In conclusion, a desirable society is one in which mutual understanding is cherished and individuality has yet to become selfishness.  
  
*   
*Task question*
You are too focused on showcasing the complex English words that you know. While that is something that is good for the presentation, it is also a drawback because it removes the common sense discussion that helps the layman understand what you are saying. When you write these essays, always consider the audience that you are writing for. In this case, you are not writing for a specific set of professionals. You are writing for the everyday person, both young and old, who may not be highly familiar with the references you will be using. Common examples will be easily understandable to the reader as opposed to the highly technical and difficult to comprehend at first glance:  
  
From a relatively collectivistic perspective, a societal edifice is comprised of individual bricks inexorably bound up to one another, and mutual understanding, especially among generations, is what cements the structure.  
Being unnecessarily high brow in your writing will not help with the clarity of the understanding of your work. You are making the presentation unnecessarily complex. You are also targeting the wrong audience with your presentation.
Dear everyone, now I have an essay topic about Film Production:  
  
***Films were produced by big companies in the past, but today people are able to make a film.***  
## Do you think this trend is positive or negative?

  
  
I have 2 versions of the essay samples, but I choose this one to show you guys. I'll be glad to receive any recommendations from everyone.  
  
"In the past, a film was a series of moving pictures, usually shown in a cinema or on television. The business of making films was responsible for vast companies, but at present, people are able to make films by mobile phones or media devices. In my opinion, I agree this tendency is positive.  
  
Technology innovation is an opportunity for individuals who can create video films following their creation. Today, our online habits are transforming the way we consume video content and film, whether in blockbuster productions or the advertising industry. The disadvantage of film productions in vast companies is related to budget, the money which was purchased to watch a professional film is higher than other films made by individuals. Besides that, a shift from traditional broadcasting such as theaters (always depend on film production companies) to extensive distribution across global networks such as Facebook, website, Netflix, Amazon, and Pact having equivalent production quality standards is also the competitive advantage of personal films.  
  
The critical thing is that movies are made by professional production enterprises would not be affected by other personal film productions. The truth is the most cinematographic products were supported by the large financial and latest technical assistance, this can not occur in the case of individuals. Thus, this film making tendency would not affect huge production companies. In addition to that, a person who has talent is the potential workforce for professional production organizations can exploit and promote.  
  
In conclusion, making video or film content is a beneficial tendency. The assistance of technology and online movie viewing platform was encouraging the development of film production."
The first sentence seems more like a definition that you took out of a dictionary rather than a personal insight into film making. The reviewer may view this as a memorized presentation in an actual test. Bear in mind that you will not have access to additional writing materials at the testing center when you take the test. So always use personal definitions or understanding of a term when describing it.  
  
This discussion does not sound like a personal original piece of writing to me. I have read something highly similar online by another student who will be taking the test. Are you sure you did not plagiarize the work of another student instead? The information contained in this essay represents more of a synonym writing exercise on your part, rather than an originally written piece. Restating the facts from another writer is not a good way to practice writing the task 2 essays.
@Holt  
  
Thanks for your comment.  
  
In the beginning, the first sentence is the definition that I got from the dictionary and the second one did not. It was my presentation because I have some research about film making and maybe that information was similar to your knowledge. I did not use or restart other essays, as you said that it is not the right way to improve my writing skills and I can know your consideration.  
  
I will focus on your suggestion in the next essays.  
  
Anyway, you are very detailed in each comment, thanks a lot for your patience.
## Problematic smartphone use

  
  
Because of advanced technology, the high addiction to 3C products has been regarded as a universal issue. Taiwanese government also started to establish systematic road signs as a reminder.  
  
For modern people, it is impossible to get rid of this habit by using smartphones. People can immediately access all of the information from all over the world. The documents have been within numerical terms. Even after thirty decades, artificial intelligence might have been well-developed, smartphones will be used to manage production by entrepreneurs in the businesses.  
  
In recent years, learning languages and school subjects, a variety of platforms have been established on the internet, including YouTube, TED Talk, CNN, or BBC news. It is convenient to study for those who were born in a poor family. The existence of smartphones can shorten the big discrepancy between rich and destitution. In the part of disadvantage, it is unavoidable to cause short-sightedness. At the same time, the human brain will be impacted by a strong electromagnetic force.  
  
The usage of anything needs to be treated with a timely rigor of the surveillance. The parents and teachers play important roles in the issue which educate their children and parents to be good self-management for smartphones.
An academic essay must follow specific grammar rules, that includes specific guidelines regarding when and how to use conjunctions such as "because". As a connecting word, "because" is used to connect 2 related ideas in one sentence to create a fluid thought process. It cannot be used at the start of a sentence or paragraph presentation without a statement or thought presentation preceding it.  
  
The first paragraph does not establish the actual topic, reason, and thesis statement for the discussion. There is no connection between the use of 3C products at the start and why the Taiwanese government decided to use road signs. There needs to be a middle presentation that will connect the two topics to create a coherent paragraph. There are several pieces of information missing in that paragraph which could have accomplished that.  
  
The second paragraph fails to make any sense to the reader. You said that the habit of people "by using smartphones" cannot be gotten rid of. There is a mistake in the sentence structure. Did you mean "of" rather than "by" using smartphones instead? There is again, a lack of a clear subject or topic sentence and ill developed discussion presentation in that paragraph.  
  
The same problems persist throughout your succeeding paragraphs. There is no common sense or logical sense to your presentation. The subject and reason for the discussion paragraphs are always missing, confusing, or not very well explained. The opinion paper, as presented, is not good at all. An English native speaker will not be able to make sense of what the point of your presentation actually is. There are too many avenues for discussion presented, yet not a single one is central or integral to the discussion being presented.