dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
You need to better reference your restatement of the 2 ideas that were provided. Long sentences such as these lack clarity and are difficult for the reader to follow. Where 2 topics are provided, use 2 seperate sentences to allow for a better understanding of the written text. One for each idea. As for your agreement with the latter view, an establishment of your supporting reason /s is /are necessary for a strong thesis presentation.  
  
accepted the same-sex marriage and premarital cohabitation  
This is not relevant to the business and cultural contacts discussion. You need to further expand the discussion to create a connection or use a simple and easily relevant example instead.  
  
I am of opinion tha  
You immediately jumped to your personal opinion, avoiding a paragraph explaining the public point of view regarding national identity You will only receive a partial score due to an incomplete discussion presentation. This may pull your score down to a failing level.
## becoming a teacher

  
  
Since I was a child, I have been dreaming of becoming a teacher. I have got the enthusiasm to be a teacher from my father, who is a teacher too. Being a teacher means that I can have the chance to widen my knowledge to give my student the best information. To become a well-qualified teacher, I need to improve my presentation skills so that my students understand what I am teaching them. Furthermore, I must acquire some essential skills such as patience, diligence and good qualification in education. I am still improving my skills day by day to pursue my dream. To sum up, I want to be a professional teacher by the time I have grown up.
You do not really prove that your father's occupation and your exposure to it influenced you to become a teacher. You speak of your ambition in a nonchalant manner. There is no real interest development or enthusiasm for the job. It is almost as if you just researched information about the job and required training the wrote about it. The writing is boring and you appear distanced from the work choice. As if you were influenced in your decision and told what to write. This is not a convincing statement at all. It is empty in terms of a personal connection with you. It does not appear to be your true occupational calling in life.
I have never taken any IELTS exam before. Plz drop comments into my essay. Many  
  
***Topic:  
In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough.***  
## What are the advantages and disavantages of giving children this message?

  
  
In our life, the target of each person is totally different. However, the predominant factors are how your effort is and how long you maintain your perseverance. From the social point of view, it is said that children are able to get their goals if they try their best to do it. From my point of view, this message has both advantages and disadvantages.  
  
On the one hand, this message is like encouragement to boost our motivation. It is crucial to keep a good motivation during doing any plans because it will decide your perseverance to success. The more effort you invest, the earlier target you complete. For instance, in Viet Nam, the university entrance exam is crucial and miserably to come over. To get the chance to pass this exam, the students must have a long plan and try to practice it every day within the high school year. The students who are patient in following their aim having a higher success rate than others who give up their choice.  
  
On the other hand, this opinion has some disadvantages for children, especially teenager's thinking. It is accepted that you could complete your plans if you try hard enough, but it does not mean that you could not achieve your goals because you are an indolent person and lack effort. It is not true thinking. When a person makes an effort to do something, it is dramatically miracle. The adult should give him encouragement and good comments instead of focussing on his result. It is dangerous if children or teenagers have a negative understanding of this message. In recent decades, many suicides in this age involve wrong thinking of many reasons, especially not disappointing results. Although they spent hourly to repair for exams, they failed. As a result, they lost their mind. Finally, they opted for dead before releasing the value of their effort.  
  
In conclusion, the best way to achieve your goal is based on your determination. No pain no gain. Both adults and children should understand carefully the negative and positive effects that are mentioned in this essay.
The first 2 sentences in your restatement paragraph do not reflect a version of the original. Rather, it is an unwarranted personal opinion that will affect your TA score negatively. If the info is not part of the original prompt, it will cause scaring deductions due to improper topic representation. This is a comprehension evil.  
  
social point of view,  
This is not the same as a cultural point of view. Refer instead to traditional beliefs. This highlights improper LR usage and lack of English comprehension skills.  
  
this message has both advantages and disadvantages.  
Refer directly to you topics for the A/D paragraphs. Don't just repeat the discussion instruction. Create a basis for it in relation to comprehension needs in the score.  
  
On the one hand,  
On the other hand,  
Use direct references to the discussion to establish the correct paragraph target in relation to cohesivenesss and clarity. for example:  
  
*Par. 2 - A noticeable advantage is...  
Par. 3 - However, this may also be deemed a disadvantage owing to ...*  
  
That is the type of paragraph cohesion and cohrence that you should be aiming for in this essay.  
  
In the conclusion you failed to refer back to the cultural belief in relation to the summarized reasons which, are not clearly related to the original prompt. This is another presentation error. This is actually one of the main negatives in your presentation. You refer to social pressure, which is a totally different topic from cultural beliefs. I doubt this essay will pass due to the prompt deviation.
note: I'm aiming for a 7.5-8.0 writing so please comment and show me every mistake that I made or anything I could have done better; and what band my writing is. thank you  
  
Q:  
  
***Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening.  
  
## Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

  
  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.***  
  
You should write at least 250 words.  
  
A:  
  
Nowadays, technologies such as CCTVs, cell phone tracking and spywares are constantly being used to monitor what people are doing, saying, sometimes even thinking. Most of the time, people are unawared of their privacy being neglected. In my perspective, the action of monitoring people comes with many consequences, some as positive results but many of them turn out to be harmful.  
  
On one side, people are arguing as follow: "If you don't do anything illegal, you have nothing to be afraid of". That is a reasonable argument to justify for the monitoring from governments to track and intercept criminal activities, sometimes even before it had a chance to happen. Governmental monitorizations has saved billions of dollars and thousands of people every year.  
  
But on the other side, not only governments are monitoring and tracking people, companies and criminals have also been doing that. Technology giants such as Google or Facebook has been tracking their users' location, spying on their messages and phone calls since the early days of the new borned industry. Their personal information (also known as data), often times synthesized into folders or profiles, consists of the user's name, ID, hobbies, in some cases, even social security numbers. These data are then sold to the marketing companies better target their potential customers and advertise more effectively. These companies' actions may benefit themselves and advertisers but it is very unethical to sell people free products (Google search, Facebook is free) and then use them as the product to monetize. Not only does this severely violate users' privacy rights, it also encourages illegal activities targeted to individuals such as scams, blackmailing, even manipulate their activities and mindset using buy-able data sets leaked on the internet.  
  
All in all, despite some positive effects that the use of technologies to monitor people has done to the community, the overall result is that the disadvantages have completely out-runned the advantages. Actions should be taken as soon as possible to limit the ability to monitor people and protect citizens' civil rights to have their own privacy and not under surveilance without the evidence of possible crime activities
unawared  
No such word. The word is simply "unaware", specially when describing an ongoing action.  
  
neglected  
Wrong word usage. Neglected means to pay no attention or too little attention to; disregard or slight. Rather their privacy is violated, surveilled, spied on, to name but a fun proper synonyms for what you are trying to say.  
  
\* LR problem is evident. Vocabulary familiarity should be improved.  
  
On one side,  
But on the other side  
Improper discussion format ' English comprehension skills are failing in terms of understanding the writing instruction :  
  
DO YOU THINK THE ADVANTAGES OF THIS DEVELOPMENT OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES?  
You wrote a comparative essay for a single opinion presentation. Agreement with both sides is not an option. Either you fully support and explain the advantages or disadvantages. There is no comparison cue (discuss both paints of view) in the instruction so it is a singular belief explanation essay.  
  
\* Contact me privately for premium review services which are inclusive of scoring.
***Many people feel it is a waste of money to try to save endangered animal species, for example the tiger or the blue whale.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

  
  
People have different views about whether it is necessary for using money to attempt to protect threatened animal species. To a certain extent, I agree that spending money to preserve these kinds of animal is totally worth it. However, I also think that there are other existed issues in the world need to be solved.  
  
First of all, wild creatures play a significant role in maintaining the balance of the ecosystem. The loss of ecosystem balance may cause huge impacts in many fields of the globe such as economy, education or science. For example, it can create a lot of catastrophe like a thunderstorm or tsunami which destroy any financial center and cause economic collapse. Secondly, younger generations may lack knowledge about some kinds of species and lose the chance to analyze them. Just imagine how bad it is if our next generations have no clue about panda when they see a picture. Lastly, the planet needs the diversity of species and animals all depend upon each other for survival.  
  
At the same time, in addition to protecting the endangered creature, I also believe that our Earth has many other problems that we need to work on. For example, with Covid-19 pandemic, the world needs to deal with a lot of problems: loss of human life, economic and social disruption, employment and labor issues and every single problem is in a state of emergency. The Government and authorities need to consider what is the most essential issues at the moment, so that money can be used rationally not only for animals but also for people in the world.  
  
In conclusion, while I disagree with those who claim that it is a wastage of money when using for preserving wildlife, I also think that there are other concerns that need to be solved. If we can work on these logically, we can improve the world generally.
However, I also think that there are other existed issues in the world need to be solved.  
This creates an unclear opinion. Read the question again. It asks you to pick one side to defend in your discussion. The instruction provided does not allow for a comparative discussion. Your TA score,and the whole essay for that matter, will be prone to a failing mark due to lack of opinion quality. The other error your essay shows is an incorrect response format. Your extent response is invalid as there is no clear opinion and your are depending both sides instead of a single opinion. Which side do you really support and why? Right now, you don't have a true opinion along the required lines.  
  
It is highly obvious that you are unfamiliar with the discussion requirements. You must read more examples of various writing formats before you write another practice essay. That will help you avoid incorrect response statements and incorrect discussion formats.
To a certain extent, I agree that spending money to preserve these kinds of animal is totally worth it.  
Please try to re-read the statement, "Many people feel it is a waste of money to try to save endangered animal species, for example the tiger or the blue whale." It would be better if you say: I totally disagree with the idea that spending money to protect threatened species is worthless + your reason/s.  
  
However, I also think that there are other existed issues in the world need to be solved.  
You have to answer the question; therefore, you have to clearly state your side whether you agree or disagree. Likewise, the idea in this sentence is too broad and irrelevant in connection to the given statement.
## IELTS writing task 2: advertising

  
  
Topic: Some people say that advertising has positive economic effects. Others think it has negative social effects because it will make people feel dissatisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.  
  
These days, commercial advertisements are ubiquitous in our daily life. While some people believe they are conducive to economic development, others contend they may exert adverse influences. Personally, I am convinced that advertisements are a double-edged sword.  
  
On the one hand, a number of individuals support the spread of advertisements for several reasons. The first one is that they can stimulate consumption. It is through commercials that consumers obtain information about products. Buyers, attracted by the quality and utility of these commodities, may be persuaded into purchasing them, therefore making contributions to the economy. Besides, advertising offers job opportunities. Advertising industry employs a great number of employees and enables them to earn their daily bread. As a result, the rate of unemployment can be maintained below a certain level and thus will not give rise to social problems.  
  
However, some people are opposed to advertisements. This is mainly because they are likely to pose unfavourable impacts on consumers. To be specific, commercials tend to associate luxury brands with a relatively high social status. Influenced by the exaggerative claim, those who long for fame and wealth will be dissatisfied with their ordinary possessions and endeavour to acquire advertised products despite their limited means. This will certainly impose financial burdens on them. In addition, advertisements may cause anxiety to those people mentioned above. Commercials mislead them into creating a relationship between consumption and well-being. If they fail to afford advertised products, they may feel inferior to the better off and discontented about their status quo, which will affect their self-identification.  
  
In conclusion, I maintain that both opinions are justifiable and that advertisements have benefits and drawbacks. Therefore, I suggest that limitations should be placed on them so as to give full play to their merits.
the rate of unemployment can be maintained below  
Be clear. The rate of unemployment in the advertising industry . Their rate of unemployment will have little effect on the national unemployment rate, which is implied in this section All the information you have must be related to and on topic.  
  
Besides  
Rather than besides, increase your C + C by relating the previous sentence to the nest. For, instance you can,connect these by saying  
  
*Advertising clearly affects the economy by employing thousands of people in advertising agencies, commercial production houses, and other related industries. In turn, it lowers ...*  
  
they are ~~likely to pose~~  
Remove the phrase of uncertainty as the opinion writethe clarityof your point of view must never be suspect. Be definite in your opinion development and presentation.  
  
To be specific,  
Unnecessary word filler. Since you have only 40 minutes to write this task, always be precise and subjective in every sentence, focus on discussion clarity rather than phrase pauses that don't help move the opinion presentation forward.  
  
I maintain that both opinions are justifiable  
Your opinion as it is, needs to be developed as a seperate paragraph. Remember the format requirement is 2 paragraphs for each general opinion then, a thorough insight into your opinion The conclusion should only state a recap of the 3 reasoning sentences. In this case, your improper personal opinion placement will cancel out the scoring contribution it could have made to your essay.
## Newspapers are the best way to learn news - is it true?

  
  
It is sometimes argued that newspapers are an optimal way to learn news. While there might be some reasons to support that idea, I believe that other media are also better at updating news for everyone.  
  
On the one hand, the option to read newspapers is attractive for several reasons. Firstly, newspapers' content is pledged. It is happening because it is always heavily censored before publishing. As a result, readers could avoid misleading information which is rife on the Internet. Secondly, academic writing style is written in newspapers by professional reporters so people can enhance and broaden their vocabulary as well as language proficiency.  
  
On the other hand, media platforms are apparently convenient to learn news. These days, with the development of technology, everyone is able to access the news on user-friendly websites which provide up-and-coming information by using a laptop or a smartphone. Moreover, readers do not wait days or weeks for newspaper publication compared to social media which deliver news in a matter of minutes. In addition, besides traditional newspapers, other media offer various sources of information. Therefore, readers are provided diversity information with multiple perspectives instead of one-way newspapers.  
  
In conclusion, in my opinion, although there are some advantages of newspapers, it is advisable that people should learn news from different sources to enrich knowledge.
I cannot accurately review your paper as you wrote less than the 250 word requirement. Presenting an examiner with only 218 words will result in an appropriate word percentage deduction. When you get large preliminary deductions based on the word count, the end result is always anon-passing essay because of other scoring deductions being added up for your overall score.  
  
Is this appears to be your first attempt at writing a task 2 essay, I will give you a chance to write a proper length essay before I review it. That way I can get an accurate picture of your English comprehension skills, grammar usage knowledge, and other writing abilities. Can you do that for me? You won't reget it
## Writing Task 2 - Topic: Money

  
  
Question: People think that money is the most important factor in promoting happiness? Do you think people can be happy without money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?  
  
Solution:  
It is widely believed that money is the key to happiness. Others, however, argue that one can still feel happy regardless of being rich. Personally, I maintain that money does play a vital part but other factors can play a more significant role in bringing happiness.  
  
To begin with, some people believe that the fulfillment of materialistic things can bring them happiness. Admittedly, money brings much comfort and confidence through fulfilling the daily necessities and expensive activities which create happiness for a specific period of life. For instance, rich people can afford any future medical expenses for their family members. Besides, in the era of materialism, an individual is usually judged through their assets. Hence, for a few, their happiness is spending money on luxury items, branded clothes, having expensive dining, and travelling to exotic places.  
  
On the flip side, others do not believe that money is absolutely necessary for happiness, but the people who love and support them. For them, inner peace and meaningful satisfaction, which was brought by the people they care for, is more important than monetary possession. Moreover, some people can realize happiness through the charity of helping others. Some students, for example, do unpaid volunteer work for the reward of helping and bringing joy to others, and that creates their own happiness. Finally, excepted being rich, being surrounded by loving and sharing people is more precious than any amount of money.  
  
In conclusion, for some people, money is truly crucial. However, I believe it is not the only vital factor in creating happiness. The world would be a better place if people realized that family and love give true happiness which can not be bought by money.
other factors  
Name 2 specific factors as required by the 2nd direct question. Your response to each question must stand alone in a sentence for clarity and response seperation purposes. Your combined presentation misses on the C + C mark. Prove your topic outline relates to the topic and discussion requirements. Do not use vague answers as those neglect to help your score increase based on the scoring guides.  
  
You need not explain why and how money brings happiness. That was not part of the discussion questions provided in the original prompt.you made a punctuation mistake when you retyped the topic,which led to the irrelevant discussion paragh. This then led you to not respond to the first and second questions properly. The result? An inadequate response that may result in a failed essay due to 2 reasons:  
  
1. An irrelevant topic discussion  
2. Failure to meet the 250 word requirement due to the word deduction caused by the incorrectly presented paragraph.  
  
You failed because you neglected to review you developed discussion against the guide questions. You did not realize your discussion was not on point due to lack of proofreading.