dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## methods of employing compatible person for a job

  
  
In many parts of the world these days, more folk have been concentrated on jobs. It is deemed that people should utilize numerous methods of employing compatible person for a job. In lieu of finding employees via interviewing. This essay attempts to point out that this statement is convincible.  
  
There are some people who are in favor of this idea . It is quite unfair in some cases to sustain interview as a way of finding employees . This means that some interviewers usually judge interviewees via cognitive ability. So that some people who have adequate qualities, will probably be not approved owing to perceptions from interviewers. As highlight for this point, according to some surveys of USC university in VietNam, feelings of interviewers is practically the most crucial element which determine whether he or she is accepted. As a bonus, interviews trigger numerous obstacles for folk. It is apparently that people tend to lost there confidence so that they cannot perform well. A case in this point, following the CNN channel, people nearly do not render answers to questions from employers although they have abundant ideas on the matters. Aside from that, the innovations in ways of finding compatible jobs today can handle problems which interview has not abilities. Indeed, some enterprises entail that it is reluctant for employees to perform their techniques in a brief period on work beyond interviews. Then, firms would depend on the results or some required aspects before they render consequences. This is one of the steps which are common in some nations these days.  
  
Vice versa, some people go for the interview ways by understandable benefits. One of intriguing benefits is that interview is the best ways for people to communicate and corresponding. This means that they can discuss about jobs in details. Another possibility is that some jobs are compulsory to interviews. It can be understood that some jobs require numerous features of interactions, communication and the like . Such as teacher. In real, students after universities are all essential to experience a strict interviews before they get the jobs.  
  
In brief, it is perceived that people should modify the ways of finding suitable employees according to some persuadable elements. Aside from that, there are various undeniable hypothesis for sustaining interview
I am not sure if this was written as a Task 2 practice essay or as a simple English writing exercise with a definitive topic. Please remember to inform us about the type of task and provide the prompt for the discussion next time. It will help us give you a more directed review of your work and more relevant advice regarding points for improvement in your writing style and presentation. Thanks.  
  
What I do know is that I will be giving you a general grammar review based on the UK style of English writing. I believe that the UK is your target academic region right? So the advice given needs to be directed towards their grammar requirements and rules. Make sure that you familiarize yourself with the UK method of spelling which is different from the American English version. Normally, they are heavy on adding the letter U to their spelling of words such as favour, Also, Vietnam is spelled internationally as one word, nam is not capitalized. I am not sure why you capitalized it in your presentation.  
  
There are subject verb disagreements in the essay such as when using the plural form of a word. When you say "interviewers", that is the plural form of the word "interviewer". So the it should be "are" instead of "is". You need to learn to use the proper verb form of words. Use the time reference consideration when needed. people "lose" their confidence, not lost. Remember the action is ongoing. Also, it is "apparent", not "apparently". Learn the specifics of homophones, these are words that sound alike but are spelled differently. An example of this error in your essay is "There" when you meant to say "their".  
  
When writing a list of successive related words, always use the Oxford comma. This is a common mistake made by most beginner writers. It is something learned over time, with familiarity and by reading the writing styles of others. It is a punctuation mark that is often used in writing and is often the method by which a score increases of decreases in an English test.
## school uniforms are beneficial

  
  
Some people believe that wearing a school uniform is an old-fashioned and conservative school policy to restrict students' rights to express themselves. However, as I experienced in my childhood, I can say that school uniforms are beneficial for not only students but also their parents and school. Therefore, I insist that wearing school uniforms is necessary for students, especially teenagers.  
  
First, when students wear school uniforms instead of their outfit, they can save their time and efforts for their clothes. For instance, every morning, teenagers tend to spend a lot of time in front of their mirror to try make themselves look better than yesterday. It is a critical factor to their confidence for the day. If students wear school uniforms, they don't need to worry about what to wear every day. They don't need many clothes for the whole week. It means that they can save their money, too!  
  
Next, wearing school uniforms can solve the problems related to income inequality. Teenagers are sensitive to what they look like and prefer to dress in trend, because they feel comfortable with a similar look to their friends. On the other hand, some students who are in low income family wear the same cloth for a long period because they don't have many clothes. If school uniforms become a school policy, this uncomfortable problem will be solved.  
  
Finally, students feel freer from peer pressure when they wear school uniforms. Teenagers pay attention to other's fashion style. Some students who do not dress themselves decently, can be a target of judgment from others or get a stigma as a fashion loser. In this point, students can feel peer pressure from each other, even though no one directly pointed out or expressed rude gesture. Peer pressure is one of the most severe reasons that students avoid school and classmates. Wearing a school uniform can prevent this problem and make students feel unity as members of the same school.  
  
For these reasons, I firmly convinced that wearing school uniforms is a great advantage for all: students, parents, and school. We should try our best to provide comfortable environments for our students who are struggling and going through it. Let's make the right decision. We can prepare ourselves for this brilliant new school policy. Finally, the students who wear their new school uniforms, might be excited with this change in their school life.
Here is the thing, you only have 40 minutes to complete this essay presentation. So you should be focused on a quick but detailed explanation. That would take anywhere from 275-290 words to complete within the given time frame. You wrote 398 words for this essay. While your explanations are extremely detailed and, I applaud you for using 5 paragraphs to explain instead of the expected 4 paragraphs, you don't really follow the format for the discussion paragraphs.  
  
Unless you are asked to discuss both points of view and offer a personal opinion, you should limit yourself to only 4 paragraphs for the essay. That means you will use:  
  
- 1 opening paraphrase  
- 2 separate reasoning paragraph topics and explanations  
- One summary discussion / concluding paragraph.  
  
Your opening paraphrase could use some shortening. It is over presented. You always have to keep the time constraint in mind otherwise you will run out of time to properly format your presentation. A quicker way of rephrasing would have been:  
  
*Secondary school students find themselves required to wear the same attire at some educational institutions. Other academies prefer that their students be given the freedom to choose their style of dress. I believe that the latter is the better of the two learning institution regulations. I base this choice on my personal experience as a high school student.*  
  
The clarity of your presentation will be helped by using topic sentences at the start instead of numerical representations. Also, your cohesiveness would have been boosted had you used just the 2 related reasons from the first reasoning paragraph. By presenting the 2 related reasons as fully developed individual paragraphs, the essay would have scored highly in the C&C and GRA section. Your over writing did not help your score in this instance. Unless otherwise stated, you should stick to the 4 paragraph format just so you won't run out of time while writing, editing, and finalizing your presentation.  
  
While other tutors will tell you to just keep on writing to score higher, I would caution against it. Mostly because that practice is focused on increasing the LR score when there should be an overall increased scoring focus in the essay. So limiting the vocabulary to words you are comfortable using, and which you can use properly in a sentence to convey the true meaning of your paragraphs, will actually be of more service to your essay. Clarity and coherence, along with proper formatting through the use of correct punctuation marks and mixed sentence writing are what will help you pass the test. Not the number of reasons which are not properly explained, not the increased number of words.  
  
Good discussion though. You just had some major formatting problems that pulled back the potential of your essay to meet its maximum scoring potential.
## the sales of Fairtrade-labelled coffee and bananas

  
  
The table depicts the data about Fairtrade-labelled coffee and bananas' sales in 1994 and 2004 in UK, Switzerland, Denmark, Belgium and Sweden.  
  
Overall, the sales of Fairtrade-labelled coffee and bananas are increased in most of European countries in general, especially the sales of coffee. However, Sweden and Denmark's sale of bananas are declined.  
  
Firstly, the data of Fairtrade labelled coffee all are rose. UK's sales are significant skyrocketed, which 1.5 million of euros in 1999 to 20 million of euros in 2004. Then, Switzerland also are increased, which is 3 million to 6 million. Finally, Denmark, Belgium and Sweden are slightly increased, especially Sweden, Denmark, according to the table. However, Denmark is the highest in 1999, which is 1.8 million of euros.  
  
Secondly, Fairtrade-labelled bananas sales are increased in general, Switzerland is the highest sales of five European countries, no matter when in 1999 or 2004. 15 million of euros in 1999 to 47 million of euros in 2004. Other countries' sales are not over 10 million, especially UK and Belgium. However, the sales of Sweden and Denmark decreased, especially Denmark, which is 2 million of euros in 1999 to 0.9 million of euros in 2004.  
  
Please feel free to comment and if so, you can give me a band score. Thx!  
  
*
Well, the good news is that you could probably achieve a 4.5 band score for this essay. The main problem with your presentation is that you are focused on simply delivering the information without the proper formatting of the sentences. There isn't enough of a mix of simple and complex sentences in your presentation for the GRA to propel your score to the 5 band. Your sentences are mostly run-on sentences which make it difficult for the reader to keep track of the information. Please remember that separate sentences with connected information will result in clearer presentations and better C&C scores. Long sentences composed of several information chains tend to create a difficulty for the reader when it comes to keeping track of the discussion.  
  
Since the items are separated in the chart, you should not be counting out the information per paragraph. Simply state the comparison points and differences in 2 separate paragraphs. Since you have 5 sentences per paragraph, each paragraph should be composed of:  
  
- Coffee information  
- explanation  
- transition sentence to banana  
- comparison point or related information  
- transition to the next paragraph information  
  
Such a presentation should help you achieve a 5 band score in the future.
## Factors contributing to job satisfaction

  
  
Topic: *As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing.  
What factors contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience*  
  
As an average worker spends nearly one-third of his life at workplace, whether he is satisfied with is job or not plays a critical role in deciding his overall happiness and health condition. In my opinion, elements that contribute to job satisfaction include salary and benefit, work-life balance and opportunity for growth.  
  
Firstly, most people go to work to earn money to support themselves and their family. As a result, high salary with periodic revision for increase, attractive benefit and reward system definitely makes workers happy. Secondly, the ability to fulfill the job requirements and other personal goals at the same time also leads to satisfaction at work. If a job is too stressful or time consuming, it will prevent people from enjoying recreating activities and maintaining their personal relationships. This, in turn, will adversely affect their personal life as well as their health. The third element that helps build the fulfillment of workers is the opportunity for self-development. A position that enables workers to learn new skills and knowledge every day, make achievements in their career and pursue their passion creates the intrinsic happiness and the feeling of control over their own life. It is probably the dream job of many people.  
  
Although the majority of employees want to enjoy their job, it is unrealistic to expect that all workers can get it. In fact, many people have to work in a job that does not suitable to their ability and interest for many reasons. Hard economic condition and lose control over the implementation of labor law also result in poor working condition in many job, making employees feel insecure and resentful.  
  
In conclusion, although job satisfaction for everyone is something hard to be achieved, it will be possible to improve overall job satisfaction if the three above mentioned factors are developed.  
  
*I would appreciate all your comments on my essay.*
Test takers often forget that there are some basic rules to follow when writing the task 2 essay:  
  
- You only have 40 minutes to complete your writing so aim for 275-290 words  
- You are scored on the clarity and connection of your explanations, not the number of reasons you provide in a paragraph. Each topic paragraph needs to cohesively transition to the next paragraph.  
  
- You need to write a maximum of 5 sentences per paragraph focused on a single topic sentence each.  
- Unless otherwise specified, all essays are 4 paragraphs long (paraphrase, 2 reasons, reverse paraphrase)  
  
You forgot all of these elements in your presentation. You overwrote (275-290 words maximum), did not proofread (Several spelling errors abound), and barely developed clear discussions, examples, and presentations for your paragraphs (clarity and conciseness situations are clear in the essay). Never, under any circumstance, discuss 3 topics in one paragraph. That creates an incoherent explanation and a non-cohesive discussion presentation. Explain the reason, don't just enumerate it. That is how you lose overall scoring considerations.  
  
Your reasoning paragraph should have been composed of 2 paragraphs alone. You should have picked 2 reasons that somehow relate to one another so that you could have properly transitioned from one topic to the next, creating a cohesive and coherent discussion presentation in the process. Right now, your second paragraph is just a big mess that does not help to increase your scoring consideration because none of the discussion ideas presented are justifiably explained.  
  
Your introduction is using a measured sense of time in the life of a person. Since no such reference was made in the original prompt, you should not have done that. However, you did good work in outlining the discussion reasons. Word to the wise though, always write 3 sentences at the least. That is the minimum sentence requirement for the presentation to be considered a complete paragraph. The same goes for your reverse paraphrase. It should have 3 sentences representing the original prompt, your reasons, your basic explanation, and the closing sentence / solution.
*I would appreciate your comment on my essay below:*  
  
## Average house price changes in 5 cities

  
  
The bar chart illustrates the percentage change in house price in five different urban areas in different countries from 1990 to 2002 in comparison with the average house price in 1989. As can be seen from the chart, house prices in the cities in question decreased or increased very slightly during the first six years while the second period from 1996 to 2002 saw an increase in most cities.  
  
In the first period from 1990 to 1995, three in five cities had negative rates of average house prices change namely Tokyo, London and New York. Tokyo and London both had a 7.5% drop while houses in New York were sold at 5% lower prices than in 1989. Madrid and Frankfurt experienced slight rise of approximately 2%.  
  
In the next 7 years, however, houses in most cities were sold at higher prices compared to 1989. Average house price change in London surged from -7.5% to 12%. Average amount of money spent on a house in New York, Madrid and Frankfurt increased 5%, 4% and 1.5% respectively compared to that in 1989. The reduction of house price in Tokyo also contracted to 5% compared to 7.5% in the previous period.  
  
*
Your time frame reference is incorrect as per chart representations. The chart indicates that measurements started in 1989, you claim it started in 1190. That made your overview summary inaccurate and as such, it improperly informs the reader. Your data is no longer accurate so your TA score will be affected. The overview summary should have included the names of the 5 countries included in the list as part of the reference material. It helps the reader to know what to expect from the discussion and what the reference points will be throughout the data paragraphs.  
  
Try to use less commonly used words in your presentation. Saying "... in the previous period" is already commonplace in these essays. Change it up to help increase your LR and GRA scores. You could say something like "in the earlier period" to show a more advanced sentence structure. Basically, the most score affecting mistake I have seen in your work is your lack of editing skills in terms of your content. Always double check your written information for accuracy. Make sure it is always the same as the information in the chart. Otherwise, you lose the accuracy of the presented information.
## The life cycle of the salmon

  
  
*The diagrams below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.*  
**My Essay:**  
The pictures illustrate the way in which the salmon passes from infant to adult during the natural process known as the life cycle.  
Overall, the process has different stages starting from a higher stream through a lower stream and eventually to the ocean.  
Beginning at the watercourse, which flows sluggishly, the salmon exists as an embryo in fertilized eggs, interspersed among pebbles right at reed stumps in the riverbed. About half a year later tiny fry, which are from one third to nearly 1 decimeter in size, leave the nest of gravel to prepare for a new life downstream.  
  
The second phase labelled "lower river" with the swift current lasts roughly 48 months until when they have grown to between 5 and 6 inches in smolt's body length.  
  
Finally, the juvenile fishes gather at river estuary to travel offshore and thenceforth they officially enter adulthood. They spend 5 birthdays before reaching the size of three-quarter meter to be able to swim against the current in the river where they were born and lay eggs there to reset a new cycle for the next generation.  
  
(215 words)  
  
*
The original prompt describes the image as a diagram. Therefore, you cannot call it a picture in your summary overview. There is a difference between the two. A diagram provides instructions while a picture is just a still life that does not depict a series of events in a manner similar to a diagram. Rather than saying "picture", you could have referred to an "illustrative presentation" instead. That is because that phrase refers to an image with instructions included.  
  
You used the term "decimeter" when the illustration referred to the measurements as "centimeters". You did not use the keyword upper river, yet you referred to the lower river in your report. That will cause confusion for the reader. You have a tendency to use your personal interpretation of the illustrative image rather than using the terms provided. You will score better in the LR section if you show that you can properly use the provided keywords in the data reporting.  
  
You need to make sure that you use the original keyword in the task 1 essay for clarity purposes. To avoid making descriptive mistakes, use only the reference words contained in the original. This needs to be keyword accurate because of the report you are making. The task 1 essay is heavy with factual data, so stick to the presented information. Do not change it.