dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Vinh, your written work does not accurately represent the original prompt requirement. Kindly keep in mind that the C&C section of the test score consideration requires all the paragraphs to represent fully developed and well thought out discussions. These discussions cannot be less than 3 sentences, but no more than 5 sentences in length. What you have presented here are only 2 sentences with the discussion immediately starting in the second sentence. The opening statement is never a partial reasoning discussion. It can only be and will always be, a simply restatement of the original prompt discussion with an outline provided. I suggest that you refer to my representation of the original prompt requirement as a reference guide for your future essays:  
  
*Currently, the population of older people across the globe is proving to be less than the number of young adults. This discrepancy in the population number makes people think about the advantages of having more young people in the population. They wonder if there are more advantages than disadvantages to the current situation. This essay will discuss the population comparison concern for the benefit of the readers.*  
  
Do not begin the discussion at the end of the opening statement. A discussion can only be started in the opening statement in a TOEFL test, which you are not taking.  
  
Now, while your discussion is interesting in presentation, it would have been stronger if you had delved into a comparison discussion of the benefits of having a smaller elderly population in comparison to the younger generation. You did not discuss comparable statistics for your 2 topics in the paragraphs so the information you provided is somewhat inconclusive. A more accurate discussion of this would have been to use the same criteria considerations, such as job leadership in relation to work experience. Using the same consideration points makes for a more solid and better developed discussion as the real advantages and disadvantages can be discussed on the same level of logic and reasoning.  
  
For the changes in your concluding statement, please refer to discussion I gave for your opening statement presentation. The same advice applies due to the same mistakes that exist in the presentation.
@Holt  
I'm truly thankful for your remark.  
Regarding your advice on opening and concluding statements, I was following some tips from ielts-simon (such as ielts-simon./ielts-help-and-english-pr/2017/06/ielts-writing-task-2-homework-essay.html) . Now I got frustrated whether I must change this brief way of writing for the less important parts in the essay.  
  
Concerning incomparable aspects of the 2 views, I do totally agree with you that it would be better if I could contradict each of 2 body paragraphs to the other.  
  
Last but not least, please give me your overview opinions on the vocab usage as I'm not a native speaker and I'm focusing on improving my writing's naturalness.  
  
Thanks,  
Vinh
For a century, there has been taught in reading, writing and maths. With the given of computer technology, some people think that there would be fourth skill which should be taught as beneficial skill for children as school: computer skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
  
Just decades ago, literacy and numberacy play a vital role in the early stage of teaching for children. Nowadays, under the outbreak of the digital revolution, some people agrue that computer skills become beneficial skill for preschoolers. I completely agree with this view.  
  
There are important reasons why teaching children using the computer are essential. Firstly, being able to learn on a computer has opened up new ways for preschoolers to develop academically, especially those who struggle with a learning disorder. Countless website are created, which offer reading and math interventions for students with specific disabilities. Whereas, it take teachers long hours to find a method to help hard-to-reach children, the computer provides ready-man activities and interactive games to imtermediate use. A good example for this is Window eyes, which allows transfer text, numbers,... on the desktop to braiile using for the blind.  
  
On the other hand, it is a great benefit for children to study about other countries, their people and their culture enviroment, it is instills in them sense of comunication and tolerance. Because of computers and the Internet, our world is closely linked more than it has ever been in another century. Children are not only able to access to multi culture and countries, but they completely talk to friends in beyond the boundary by helpful tools namely: facebook, email, skype... For instance, children can also use computers to communicate with members of their extended family, and in case a move, kids can keep in touch with their old friends.  
  
In conclusion, I would agrue that computer skills become the fourth skill should be taught as beneficial skill for kids in preschool.  
  
[Word count: 277]
Hi wind0111,  
  
Is the essay requirement correct? In my opinion, there are basic grammar errors in this topic which then affect your essay...  
  
For example, I may rewrite some details in the introduction as followed: "Just decades ago, literacy and numberacy played a vital role in the early stage of teaching ~~for~~ children. Nowadays, under the outbreak of the digital revolution, some people agrue that computer skills have become a beneficial skill for ~~pre~~~~schoolers~~ schoolchildren. I completely agree with this view."  
  
You should pay attention to word choice and avoid grammar errors...  
  
I hope that the above comment may help you.  
  
S
***Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists but not local people. Why is this the case and what can be done to attract more local people to visit these places?***  
  
## low rate of local visitors to museums

  
  
While museums and historical sites tend to draw scores of visitors, they have been largely ignored by locals. Although this phenomenon can be attributed to a host of factors, governments can adopt some viable solutions to restore people's interest in local historical attractions.  
  
There are two underlying reasons why people do not visit local museums. First, people tend to think that museums are boring and thus not worth visiting. This stems from the fact that history in generally perceived as tedious and things associated with history often fail to attract the attention of the masses. Another reason for the low number of visitors to local museums is their lack of appeal. These buildings typically do not have trained staff to educate visitors about the items on display, causing them to quickly lose interest after entering museums. In addition, the collection of exhibits in local museums tend to remain unaltered due to a meager budget for operation, rendering curators unable to purchase new exhibits. The Women's Museum in Hanoi perfectly exemplifies this situation. For years, the poorly curated exhibits have been the culprit of the low rate of local visitors to this museum.  
  
In order to increase the number of local visitors to museum, states must take the following feasible measures. First and foremost, the way that history is taught in school must be overhauled. For instance, graphic should be incorporated into history lectures in order to make them more vivid, which may kindle students' interest in history and encourage them to visit museums. Another solution is for governments to allocate more funding to museums. This investment can be used to finance the acquisition of exhibits and hire professional docents to take the visitors on a guided tour and this may dramatically boost the appeal of museums.  
  
In conclusion, the low rate of local visitors to museums can be ascribed to various reasons and the government should implement the proposed solutions to alleviate the situation.
Richard, this is a good essay with some slight problems. The first problem, is that you mentioned that there are 2 reasons that locals do not visit the museums. Don't discuss those reasons in just one paragraph. Give them separate paragraphs and extended discussions per paragraph so that you can give yourself a chance to create more complex sentences which will result in more advanced vocabulary use. These actions will increase your LR and GRA scores.  
  
The next problem is with regards to the paragraph regarding proposed solutions. Use only one strong suggestion in this case. It is important not to overwhelm your paragraphs with information. One proposed solution is enough. The second one actually, is much stronger than the first and seems more applicable to the situation.  
  
These essays are designed for single topic discussions per paragraph. Don't try to discuss two or more reasons in each paragraph, that is how you make mistakes and get lower score considerations.
## getting songs and books from internet

  
  
Every now and then, copyright has always a controversial topic of great public interests and concerns. In modern world, it even becomes more serious when people argue that it is illegal to download songs and books from the Internet. As far as I am concerned, I totally agree with this point of view because of these following essential reasons.  
  
First of all, it is absolutely worthy for musicians and authors to earn a large amount of money which is a reward for their dedication. As a result, the money they earn would be their great motivation to continue to compose more and more creative works. According to a recent report of Billboard News, 90 percent of musicians are struggling against websites contains free-download songs.  
  
Secondly, making a payment on intellectual products means that you esteem their owners. For example, after reading introductions about an e-book and finding it interesting, you may decide to buy it in order to show your gratitude to the writer who dedicate to such an excellent book for readers, including yourself. In contrast, you will become ungrateful because of reading unpaid e-books.  
  
Moreover, some people claim that releasing free songs and books may pave the way for drawing a great deal of listeners and readers' attraction effectively. Those who are not willing to pay even a little money for entertainment may freely download and share such works to the others. However, these people accidentally or intentionally show their disrespect to the writers and launch them on a path of giving up their career.  
  
In conclusion, Internet users that try to get songs and books without paying should be punished by laws because of copyright infringement. I always have a dream of a civilized society where the government take actions so that all composers are well-paid worthily.
Nguyen, this is a very well developed discussion of a controversial topic. Your statements have made a mark on the reader and you have successfully argued your point of view. However, your concluding statement still contains additional information and opinions regarding the issue that do not belong at the close of the essay. These additional information require more paragraph development and build-up and as such, cannot be passed off as a closing statement or paragraph to the examiner. These information require you to continue the discussion of the given topic in a separate paragraph. You have to remember that the academic rule regarding concluding statements stands in these essays. That means, no new information may be introduced at the close of an essay because you will not be able to accurately develop the additional information within the remaining paragraph requirement. A simple summary of the discussion is what is required to close the essay. When you do not meet this criteria, your TA score will be largely affected in the final consideration.
The given chart shows us the total of urban-living people in diverse countries between 1950 and 2007 and the forecast for future in 2050.  
  
It could be seen noticeably that the total of urban area recidents virtually tended to double in all countries over a 57-year period, except the projection to the future will decrease significantly in Oceania.  
  
From 1950 to 2007, The North America was responsible for thet urban-living people at just over 50%, following by Latin America and Europe, ranging from 50 to 76. However, the total of recidents in those countries reached the peak in 2007 at around 70. Conversely, Asia and Africa had a similar level of urban-living people at just under a half over the period shown, with Asia as the lowest level.  
  
Moving to the projection in 2050, there are two countries will be the most popular for urban-living recidents, North America, Latin America and Europe with just above 80%. In the other hand, The Oceania, Asia and Africa will be at around 67, from 62 to 76 with Africa as the least level.  
  
To sum up, the data gives the information that for those living in urban area grew up between 1950 and 2007 and are still going to incline in 2050.  
  
Somebody.. please help to correct my writing task 1.. Thanks in advance..  
  
*
1) In the introduction, you have to mention the type of the chart.  
2) between 1950 and 2007 => in 1950 and 2007, not between. This can cause misunderstanding.  
3) Check where to put adv in your sentence.  
4) Your overview gives incorrect information.  
5) 'urban living people' is repeated several times. Change the word or the score would definitely be lowered.  
6) From 1950 to 2007 => you do not know whether the rate dropped in the middle of the 2 years or not, so use 'in' instead.  
7) Your way of describing data is not appropriate. Ex: 79% is not 'just over 50%'.  
8) following => followed.  
9) There is wrong information  
10) False spelling
Yulia, there are number of problems with your essay that indicate a possible failing score for it in an actual setting. These problems need to be addressed and corrected in your next essay if you are to begin to improve your writing skills to the point where you can possibly pass the test.  
  
The first problem with your essay is the lack of analytical skill in the summary overview presentation. You did not spend enough time analyzing the information that you were provided so the summary was incomplete and this affected the overall essay presentation. The proper summary overview for the essay should be:  
  
*The bar chart provides information regarding the percentage of urban population. The urban populations in Africa, Asia, Europe, Latin America / Carribean, North America, and Oceana were the basis of the survey results. The survey was taken across various time frames namely in the 1950's and 2007, with a projection indicated for the year 2050. This essay will summarize the important points of the chart and deliver comparative information whenever possible.*  
  
Based upon the example above, you can clearly see where your first paragraph problems are located. You did not identify the type of illustration you were provided, what countries were included in the discussion, and what sort of discussion is forthcoming in the essay. Your trending statement should have been expanded to cover at least 2 more sentences in order to meet the minimum 3 sentence C&C requirement of the essay as well.  
  
With regards to your information presentation, since the graphs include accurate percentage figures at the top of the bar charts, you need not use presumptive statements or references in the essay. When actual figures are given, factual statements should be applied. Rather than presumptive phrases, comparative phrases should have been used in order to depict a comparative analysis of the provided data.  
  
You did your best to present the analyzed information from the essay. The problems that exist though became drawbacks for your work. These are obstacles that you will need to overcome in your next practice test. I am highly confident that you will be able to do that and I am looking forward to reviewing your next essay because of it.
Hi, I've just finished this essay. Please help me by pointing out my mistakes. Thank you.  
  
Topic: **In some part of the world, it is increasingly popular to research the history of one's own family. Why do people want to do this? Is it a positive or negative development?**  
  
## People are interested in their ancestry

  
  
Searching family history is increasing in popularity in some regions. There could be several reasons for this and I consider it to be both positive and negative trend.  
  
There are two reasons why people grow great interest in finding their family roots. First, the availability of several family searching websites has encouraged more people to do genealogy. These websites allow them to create family trees and find long distant relatives, which fascinate those who are inquisitive in their ancestors' origin. Tracking medical history is another reason. Some chronic diseases can be diagnosed in advance if people are aware of their family background. For example, by doing research on family history, ones not only prevent genetic disorders during their pregnancy but also have healthier babies.  
  
On the one hand, doing genealogy can be extremely positive. As people gain insights into their ancestors' lives, they also learn about family's traditions and contributions, which helps to preserve family history. Additionally, family background awareness is of benefit to later generation because it can bridge the generation gap and form a stronger unity. On the other hand, the search of family history also results in negative consequences. There are some cultural practices that are better not knowing since they are inappropriate in present days. Should people to find out the dark sides of their family members, it can cause embarrassment or resentment. For example, many people find it hard to accept the fact that their ancestors were slave owners although the practice used to be legal in some countries.  
  
In conclusion, the accessible of family related websites and medical purposes are the main reasons that lead to the rise of family history tracing. Genealogy certainly benefits family members; however, it also does harm to the ties of kinship.  
  
291 words
Searching family history is  ~~increasing in~~  gaining popularity  
~~on the one hand, doing~~  Genealogy...  
...bridge the generational gap...  
Stronger unity=stronger bond  
...the  ~~accessible~~  accessibility...  
  
From your second paragraph, last sentence, it's not clear as to what you're trying to say. If what you're saying is that knowing your roots prevents genetic disorders during pregnancy then you'll need to provide facts, I'm not sure how just knowing your family history can do that. Again you stated that there are two reasons why people research their families' history which contradicts your earlier statement in paragraph one which says there are several reasons.  
  
I hope you find this useful
Hello!  
  
You've done a fairly good job on the essay. There are certainly many interesting ideas.  
While most of the essay to it's entirety talk about the benefits of of this trend, the arguments you have put forward for the negative impact does'nt seem that powerful to me.  
  
I would suggest that you talk in favor of the trend, but it's always well to show what the shortcomings are because it shows that you are flexible in your thinking.  
  
My suggestion for the same para - Searching for our roots can sometimes lead to more anguish than joy. The hurtful practices of the past such as slave trade and racial discrimination of people practiced by many affluent families is one such example. While learning about the family history may dig up a few skeletons along the way, it surely lets future generations learn from this mistake and lead better lives. ( In the above statement I have spoken about the same shortcomings that you have put above but in addition I have added how it benefits the present generation as well. This helps it again in favor of the trend)  
  
There are a few grammatical errors as well. I suggest you analyze the essay again and do the needful.  
The conclusion paragraph can be a bit longer or presented in a better way.  
  
Good Luck! :)
@Danstand  
Thank you for your word choice corrections. I'll fix those mistakes in my second draft. Hope you can correct my essay again if possible.  
  
@DoctorWho  
Thank you so much for your corrections, especially the sample paragraph. I'll apply the technique in my second draft and my next essay if possible.  
  
@Holt  
As a self-learner, I highly appreciate your constructive and detailed feedback. I'll work on those mistakes. Hope you can correct my second draft for this topic.
**Compare the advantages and disadvantages of three of the following as media for communicating information. State which three you consider the most effective.  
  
Comic  
Books  
Radio  
Television  
Film  
Theater**  
  
Along with the improvements of our fast - paced society, more and more means of media are born in order to provide human with both domestic and foreign information on a large scale. In this essay, I will discuss the pros and cons of book, television and film as well as draw a conclusion of the most efficient one.  
  
On the one hand, these are effective by virtue of their popularity among customers. As for books, they are well - known as one of the most common, useful and portable form of spreading and receiving data from all sources. Meanwhile, televisions and films are of the most highlighted contributors in terms of transferring information since they are enjoyed by a huge number of global population and can easily approach to all types and ranges of age of audience.  
  
On the other hand, the negative points of them cannot be ignored. At times, youngsters are not in favour of books as they always have to read boring material at school. Additionally, not everyone has enough patience to continue reading till the last page if the book is too thick for them. Therefore, books hardly reach many sorts of user. Unlike books, televisions and films lead to problems due to the fact that they are costly to be produced. What is more is that they sometimes give incorrect news and features in the sense that manufacturers focus mainly on profit. In other words, they have a tendency to show what people want to see, no matter whether it is true or not.  
  
In conclusion, books, televisions and films bring out not only advantages but also drawbacks to us. From my perspective, televisions seem to be the most outstanding media form of all, hence should be invested more.  
  
**Please mark my essay as well.**