dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
@ankit10  
Aside from some grammatical errors, you might want to reorganize the content.  
1. Related to your title, the content of your essay does explain about internet as an excellent source of information. But there is no part explaining about the difficulties of getting information (as suggested by some people)  
  
2. The paragraph that explains about book seems like a separated story, since you immediately mention about book in one paragraph and then move back to internet. And in the last paragraph you mention 'telephone, television, and so on'  
  
In general, you have to make sure that your essay sticks to the title.  
  
This might help:  
Paragraph 1: Introduction to internet, which some people suggest that it is hard to find information.  
Paragraph 2: Explains about internet importance, as well as its advantages.  
Paragraph 3: Explains about other source of information which tackles the problem in internet. Do not put in too much examples. Book is a good example.  
  
Paragraph 4: Write about your opinion on this topic. You might think that for you, internet is better, compared to book (do not suddenly explain about other source of information)  
  
Paragraph 5: Conclusion.  
  
Correct me if I am wrong..
@Eng Phin  
  
Thank you for the feedback, i agreed with all the points that you have mentioned.  
  
But, i would like to tell you that the actual question is this:  
It is generally believed that the internet is an excellent means of communication but some people suggest that it may not be the best place to find information.  
  
Can you please revert me back on the basis of the above question.  
  
Looking forward to hearing from you soon.
Hi @ankit10,  
  
After reading your essay, I recognize that your essay is writing task 2 of IELTS. It is pleased to read your essay because you already have delivered your best to make it, but unfortunately your length word is only 244 words in which for writing task 2 in IELTS it requires more than 250 words. Also, I got some mistakes on your essay, and here are those corrections:  
  
1. But, some people argued that,(no need comma here) other ~~mediums~~media(Medium is singular noun, and Media is plural noun) are also available for ...  
  
2. In addition ~~to~~ , books are the best friend and ...  
3. In my opinion, there is no doubt that ...  
4. Moreover, it always ~~update~~up-to-date you with ...  
  
Hope those all are useful for your next essay and keep writing :)
Hi. I've found some minor mistake .I hope it helps.  
  
1. But , some people argued that, never start your sentence with But: Try: however etc .  
2. you don not need comma after but .  
3. internet is now a need of an hour.=>nowadays, internet is ....  
4. Everyone is dependent on the internet  
5. ~~In my opinion,~~There is no doubt that the internet is the best way to access to the information .  
6. This is because~~,~~ it is easy, faster and reliable.  
7. ... commute with his distant friend  
  
Good job, keep it up
The pie charts illustrate the information about measurement of relationship of employees with supervisor and co-workers in 2005 and 2009. Overall, both of the percentage of relationship with manager and co-workers were in very good relationship, at more than a half.  
  
According to the first chart, the percentage of relationship employees with supervisor dominate by very good relationship, at 61% and 65%, it raised small by four percent. The second largest percentage came from good relationship was under 26% in 2005, it decreased slightly by four percent. Fair and poor relationship just were no more than eight percent in the two years. There was a slight rise of company that don't have a manager.  
  
The second chart shows that there was dramatic increase of very good relationship with co-employers, by seven percent. The percentage of good relationship fell modest from 28% to 25%. It same as well as fair relationship that decreased, by four percent. In 2009, the corporation that don't have employer rose very little, by one percent. Then, in the second survey there was no poor relationship with co-workers  
  
*
Hallo miss bada.. here my suggestion for you..  
  
I think i found some mistakes in this text. Let me try to give you my opinion about this..  
*...information about ~~measurement~~the percentage of relationship of (...) and co-workers between 2005 and 2009.*  
  
I switch measurement with percentage because you need to put the unit of your data. In this case the unit is percent. Thus i choose percentage that more proper for this. Another is about year.. it will be better if you use between YEAR and YEAR.  
  
I hope it helps you.. and good luck
***Some people say that the clothes people wear are the most important indication of what they are like. Others, however, say that people should not be judged by the clothes they wear. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.***  
  
Dress style have been changing recently. People follow development of clothes to having better appearance. Party of people argue that dress style people is influenced by interest what style they like. I think it is important to wear clothes that suitable with our passion, but we should not give a judgment to people based on their clothing.  
  
Some people feel comfort with their clothes that usually they wear. They will choose cloth and style which suit by their passion. For example, painters, mainly of they like wear casual clothes, or clothes that they love, such as T-shirts, jumpers, and jeans. Because, they feel happy and enjoy with wear it. Moreover, they feel comfort and it not bothers their occupants. Maybe some people feel unpleasant to see, because their look like is little messy. But, it is not problem as long as it not gives disadvantage to the people. However, by some people argue that those style is not good, but it is important to express what people like trough clothing style.  
  
On the other hand, appearance is necessary by mostly people. No rarely people critic the others because of their clothing. In fact, assess a person not only from the appearance, but also can be seen by the background. For example, Facebook founder, a man who love gray color, usually wear gray T-shirts and simple trouser. Because, he is a modest person and don't want be arrogant. Maybe people will judge that he is a poor man, because he wears simple clothes. Factually, he is one of rich man in his country. So, people cannot assess someone from the way of their dress style, because it cannot illustrate personality's person.  
  
In conclusion, dress style is necessary by some people, especially base on their interest. But, people cannot judge only from their views. I think there are other aspects to notice personality's someone, such as see from their background and occupant.
Hallo bada.. i try to give some notes for you.. let see!  
  
*People follow development of clothes to having better appearance*  
  
For grammatical side, i found that you have mistake when using to infinitive.. you said "to having". We know that to should meet with verb 1 so it must be *"to have"*  
  
For the content side.. hhm i think this statement do not have any connection with your question. I am not sure acctually because there is still in my mind to ask you, is it hook? Because most of us usually directly to paraphrase questions and give the thesis statement. I cannot judge that this is a mistake.. but i only suggest you to paraphrase question directly in your answer ...  
  
I hope it helps and good luck miss bada
**Question:  
  
It is pointless making children who lack artistic talent learn painting and drawing in Art classes at school. Instead, they should concentrate on other creative and practical subjects which they may have more aptitude. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Some people said teaching untalented children how to paint and draw in the class does not have any benefits for children's sake. Learning practical subject, more suitable to their interest is more acceptable instead. This essay would totally agree with this idea as learning how to paint or draw needs more time and children would be ready to face a real life when having been eposed to several practical subjects during the school program.  
  
It is generally believed that how to paint and draw by children is take longer time to study. The reason is in this subject contain a different material that not many children can do it. For example, survey from University of Houston stated that 65% of children who learn about art spending much time than in the  
  
others subject. It is true that by learning this subject children cannot focus on others subject.  
  
In addition, another activity such as doing some project in the school would make them find their talent. This is because in this subject provide an practical experiment that make them would learn many new knowledge. For instance, research from University of London stated that 70% of children doing some project and find new discovery was getting the achievement and new experience. It is acceptable that by this practical subject the children would increase their ability to face the next life.  
  
All in all, the art subject considered not really give effect for student that they should focus on studying another subjects doing projects. It would be better to concentrate on practical subjects as it provides more valuable material than art.
Some people ~~said~~*say* teaching untalented children ...  
Learning practical subject*,which is* more suitable to their interest*(,)* is more acceptable instead.  
... face a real life when ~~having been eposed~~*what do yo mean by this? your idea is not clear* to several practical ...  
  
... and draw by children is ~~take~~*taking* longer time ~~to~~*than* study. The reason is *that*in this subject contain**s** a different material that ~~not many children can do it~~*many children cannot do it*.  
  
... much time than in the other~~s~~ subject**s**.  
... cannot focus on other~~s~~ subject**s**.  
  
... this subject provide**s** an practical experiment that make**s** them ~~would~~ learn ~~many~~*much* new knowledge.  
... children doing some project**s** and ~~find~~*found that* new discovery was ...  
... ability to face the next life*next life is ambiguous, because for me it means as same as after life*.  
  
All in all, the art subject ~~considered~~*does*not really give *any* effect for student *so* that they should (...) another subject~~s~~ doing projects.  
  
*i noticed that you have problem with the use of other and another, subject+verb agreement. keep writing and practicing though, keep it up*
Hi andika08.  
  
It seems that you used many reduced forms of adjective clause and adverbial clause. However, it is acceptable in the IELTS test.  
But, I think it would be better if you variate into the normal form of the clause.  
  
1.  
  
when having been eposed to several ...  
Do you mean exposed?  
  
2. The reason is ~~in~~ that this subject ~~contain~~contains~~a~~ different materials that not many ...  
For example, the survey from University of (...) who learn about art ~~spending~~spend much time than in the ~~others~~~~subject~~other subjects .  
... learning this subject(,) children cannot focus on ~~others subject~~other subjects .  
  
This is because ~~in~~ this subject provide ~~an~~**a** practical experiment that make them ~~would~~ learn ~~many~~much new knowledge.  
... project and find new discovery ~~was~~were getting the great achievement and new experience.  
... this practical subject(,) the children (...) to face the next stages of life.  
  
Suggestion:You can add your personal statements in the conclusion to emphasise your state of this opinion.  
  
Goodluck.
Hello andika.  
actually your essay is really good. but let me give you some suggestions  
  
1. there is a misspelling in this sentence, be careful in spelling, because it is one of assessment elements in academic writing  
... be ready to face a real life when *having been exposed* to several practical subjects...  
  
2. be careful with uncountable noun.. you should use (much or amount etc)  
~~many~~ new knowledge. ----->much new knowledge.  
this subject provide(S)  
don't forget to add comma when you use conjunction [because, but, such as]  
e.g.:This is because in this subject ...  
but overall, you have good essay. i can understand your essay well. good luck.
***Some people say that in the modern world it is very difficult for people to have a healthy lifestyle. Other, however, say that it is easy for people to be healthy and fit they want to be.***  
  
This day, in a modern era, many people have a problem with their health. For instance, a lack to do some exercises. Some people say that exercising is uneasy activity, but other people argue that a healthy lifestyle in this matter is an exercise, is simple and easy to apply it.  
  
The workers usually spend a lot of time in their offices. They do their jobs from the morning until the evening. It condition makes they rarely to go to the sport center for their healthy need. Because, they spent leisure time in the weekend just to stay in home or got to the shop. So, it will difficult to having sport. If, they continue this behaviour may they will experience decreasing of health standard. For example a cardiovascular diseases, because they have no time to make their body more fit.  
  
On the other hand, people argue that healthy lifestyle is easy to apply in their lives. For example, the employee in the office with rush and many deadline tasks, they can use opportunities such as like walking to go to the office. They can keep their condition in fit. If, they walking routinely. Many benefits from walking. They can burn their calories and their muscle feet became stronger. So, it is good for their healthy. The study discovered that walking 1000 steps every day can increase the immune and make the person's bone stronger, so it very useful and suitable for busy employee who want to improve their healthy.  
  
There are many issues about a healthy lifestyle recently. People think that healthy lifestyle is difficult because a reason. But it will easier with do a simple activity that possible to do. But, very useful for healthy. I believe that everyone can improve their habit to healthy, whatever their job, with do simple activity but routine.
Hi Bada, Let me give some comments  
  
1. In my opinion, you should give general statement in introduction instead of giving an example. You can explain more about your ideas, reason, and example to support your main idea in each paragraf.  
  
2. It better for you to use present perfect or present perfect continuous in introduction because the action has already happened and the results could be seen today. Also, it will give you various tenses in your writing.  
  
3. They do their jobs from in the morning until in the evening ...  
It is preferable to use a preposition before time information  
  
Thank you  
Break a leg and keep writing
Hi ms bada, here are my suggestions for you  
  
Your introductory paragraph:  
For instance, a lack ...  
*In the first paragraph, you have to write your general view about those statements instead of giving an example. you can change for example --> **such as**  
  
add your paragraph one into 3 sentences so that it will be appropriate*  
  
a lack to do some exercises  
instead of using to+inf, using gerund would be better --> **a lack of doing some exercises**  
  
So, it is good for their ~~healthy~~**health**  
*healthy is an adjective. you need a noun after pronoun 'their'*
Hello Bada!  
Allow me to give you some suggestion.  
  
1. Punctuation; If  
  
If, they continue this behaviour may they will experience decreasing of health standard.  
If refers to probably, so do not have to add "may"  
*If they continue this behaviour, they will experience decreasing of health standard*  
  
2. Proper word  
  
So, it is good for their healthy.  
Healthy -> Adjective  
Health -> Noun  
Pronoun + noun  
*So, it is good for their health.*  
  
Hope it helps you :)
***The charts below show the results of surveys in 2005 and 2009 asking workers about their relationships with their supervisors and their co-workers.***  
  
The pie charts inform the survey conducted in 2005 and 2009, interviewing employee about their relationship with supervisor and colleagues. Overall, they were very satisfied with the relationship with the supervisor and the co-workers.  
  
Between 2005 and 2009, the employees were very satisfied with the relationship with supervisor, indicated by the highest level at very good level. There was a slight increase from 61 percent to 65 percent while the percentage of people having fairly good decreased significantly from 34 percent to 28 percent. However, the workers who did not have a supervisor and want to answer increased slightly from 3 percent to 5 percent.  
  
For the relationship with co-workers, they were very satisfied with the relationship with their colleagues, indicated by the very good state increased from 63 percent to 70 percent. There was a significant decrease in the percentage of employee thinking that they had a fairly good relationship between 35 percent and 28 percent.  
  
(157 Words)  
  
*
Aloha Ivan, here are my thoughts;  
  
(1) ... conducted in 2005 and 2009, ~~interviewing employee~~(it is wasting words I think) about ~~their~~employees' relationship with ...  
(2) Overall, they were **very satisfied with the relationship**(is it the same between satisfaction of relationship and good relationship?) with the supervisor...  
(3) ..., indicated by the highest ~~level~~percentage(it is different between level and percentage) at very good level.
***Some people say that the clothes people wear are the most important indication of what they are like. Others, however, say that people should not be judged by the clothes they wear. Discuss both of these views by the clothes they wear.***  
  
There are some arguments that say people dress style is indicate the characteristics of someone. In contrast, there also some opinions mention that we cannot judge the book from its cover. Based on my experience, it is ultimately true that fabric cannot become the indicators of what people are like, because it just physical appearance.  
  
The main reason of my opinion, is because inner beauty more important than outer beauty, means that we can see the real personality of people from their heart. It is true that sometimes clothes show the people look like. Some girls Moslem show their faith to the god with their hair cover. But actually, is not true. It is proven by this kind of example, that nowadays hijab become one of fashion trends in Indonesia, and it makes many women that previously do not wear it. They compete each other for showing their beauty. Unfortunately, although they cover all of the body with hijab, their attitude still same with the previously like hedonism lifestyle, missing pray time, and others. In contrast, some men that have street performer appearance showed by their lot of tattoos, punk hairstyles, sometimes doing performance for charity purposes. They donate all of the money that they earned to many non-governmental organizations. These two examples prove that clothes are inappropriate indicators for showing the real people characteristics.  
  
Besides that, clothes are just symbol and sometimes people lie with things that they wear. Taken example of that, in many retailers that owned by Chinese people, usually they have poor fashion style. Every day we often see that they like to wear only short and T-shirt, and look like it is already old. However, actually they are wealthy people. Otherwise, in many supermarkets that have many sales promotion girl, they use luxury clothes, high heels, and even "celebrity" hairstyle, but they actually get smaller salaries than the entrepreneur.  
  
To sum up, it is totally wrong if person's fashion style placed as one of indication of what people like. This is because outer appearance is not as important as inner heart that show who the real men and women are.
Hi Mr. Faiz. Here are my suggestions towards your essay.  
  
(1.)  
  
There are some arguments that say ...  
there are some arguments that ***people's dress style indicates*** OR you can say: there are some arguments that the ***people's dressing indicates***  
  
(2.)  
  
there also some opinions mention ...  
there **are** also some opinions **which** mention that we cannot judge the book **by** its cover.  
  
(3.)  
  
it is ultimately true that fabric cannot ...  
change the "fabric" into clothes  
  
(4.)  
  
Some girls Moslem show their faith to the god  
**some Moslem girls**show their faith to the **God** (word "God" is always written with capital words.)  
  
(5.)  
  
But actually, is not true.  
it is not true (don't forget to place your subject.)  
  
(6.)  
  
that nowadays hijab become one of fashion ...  
and it makes many women that previously do not wear it **want to wear it.**  
  
(7.)  
  
, their attitude still same ...  
their attitude **is** still same with  
  
(8.)  
  
Taken example of that,...  
taken **an** example of many retailers usually owned by Chinese people, they have unattractive fashion style.  
  
I hope it can be useful for you.  
Goodluck and Keep Spirited.
**Writing IELTS Task 1- DEGRADATION LAND**  
  
Proportion of factor why production of farmland decrease in 1990s based on main causes and in universe and region is provided by graph table. Overall it can be seen that the biggest factor of declining of agricultural production is caused by overgrazing, and Europe has the widest degradation of land.  
  
First of all, the deforestation causes about 30% of all land degradation in worldwide. This proportion is less than overgrazing factor about 35%. Beside, over cultivate have proportion over first-quarter of reasons.  
  
On the other hand, North America has the smallest land degradation in three regions. Furthermore, proportion of over cultivate just about 3.3 %. This is higher than in south pacific which is no over cultivation. Meanwhile, Europa has deforestation factor about 9.8%, and also this area has land degradation about 23%. Whereas, ocean pacific has a bad land which causes of degradation about 13% of all this region include Australia and new Zealand.  
  
*
Good Night Miss Pram :)  
Let me give you my suggestions :)  
  
Actually, I can follow and enjoy your summary. But, I have some notes for you :) I hope it will be help you be better next time :)Here are ..  
  
---I think you must begin your introduction paragraph with make some paraphrasing of the question or clue that has given to you. Because I don't found you rewrite it on your introduction above. Better if you start with give one sentences paraphrasing of the question and next give your overview and explanations on the body of your summary :)  
  
--- *farmland +HAS decreaseD in 1990s* => You can use present perfect tense for type of question like this.  
  
---~~and in universe and region is provided by graph table~~ ==> I think you don't give clear explanation about your paraphrasing.  
  
---~~First of al~~ l==> Better if you use other conjunctions such as "Based on the data" or "Although" than "First of all", because you are not explains about a process of something.  
  
Okay , Pram.. I hope you can keep practice and be better next time and good luck dear :\*