dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Siu, you need not worry so much in terms of the content of your essay. You were right on track and you did not misunderstand the prompt. In fact, you clearly discussed the topic and offered logical supporting evidence from, what I believe, is based on your personal experience or knowledge. While your discussion is sound and strong, there is a slight imbalance in the way you discussed the essay. If you had discussed this essay in an argumentative system, you would have been able to discuss both the the agreed and disagreed opinions in the essay. That way, when you discuss your personal opinion, it would have a stronger backing based upon the side that you chose to support in the essay.  
  
Please keep in mind that the thesis statement or introduction and the closing statement or conclusion of the essay always needs to have a minimum of 3 sentences each paragraph. If you do not portray the minimum number of sentences per paragraph, you will lose points in the final scoring, even if you are over the 250 minimum word count.  
  
Your sentence structures are logically developed and you showed a chronological discussion in your essay. So your fears regarding your sentence structure, grammar, and reasonableness of content are unwarranted. You did a pretty good job in the development of your essay discussion.
HI Wai, first of all, I would like to WELCOME you to the Essay Forum Family,it is with great appreciation that we welcome yet another member of this growing family. Here on EF, we strive to provide you with the most comprehensive feedback and accurate reviews to your articles in order for you to strengthen each writing project and be more confident in submitting your essay.  
  
Now, I believe you are having difficulty in understanding the prompt, so here's an explanation.  
  
- Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
  
Some people think that if small local businesses close, the communities will be heavily affected to the extent that it will bring them hardships in daily life. Do you agree or disagree with this view?  
  
There you have it Wai, as you can see, with the help of EF, you will be able to understand the prompt, therefore, you will be able to answer it properly and know the direct approach in which to follow in writing your essay.  
  
I will get back to you for the rest of the essay and should you need further insights after the review or feedback of EF contributors,feel free to write us back, we are here for you.
A breakdown of the information about both men and women who graduated in Canada over 15-year period is presented in the line graph. It is measured in the number of graduates every two years. Overall, the most significant facts to emerge are that both men and women had similar patterns and the figure of women led by far than men over the period shown.  
  
In 1992, the number of women graduates stood at just under 100,000, higher than men. Subsequently, there was an increase to roughly 105,000 graduates in 1995, which was followed by a slight fall in 1998. From 1998 to 2006, a dramatic growth is shown by female graduates, in which its figure hit a high of 148,000 people in the end of the period  
  
On the other hand, the initial figure for men was around 70,000 graduates. Then, its pattern showed a fluctuation until 2001. From 2001, men level rose gradually to hit at 95,000 graduates in 2006, lower than women in the end of the time frame shown.  
  
*
**Hello Mr. Amril  
These are my corrections to finalize your writing**  
  
in Canada over A 15-year period is...  
... facts to emerge are that ~~both men and women had similar patterns and ...~~ THE PROPORTION OF GRADUATED STUDENTS IN CANADA HAD TENDED A GRADUAL INCREASE. TURNING TO DIFFERENT GENRE, THE RATE OF GRADUATIONS FOR WOMEN ALWAYS HAD BEEN MORE THAN THE MALE STUDENTS.  
  
... of women graduates stood at ~~just under~~ APPROXIMATELY 100,000 GRADUATES, higher than men with THE DIFFERENT NUMBER BY AROUND 30,000 PEOPLE .  
  
... an increase to roughly 105,000 graduates in 1995, which was followed by a slight fall in 1998.  
You have to remeber that your job in the writing task 1 is to compare figures, not to describe separately. You really played safely, whereas there was a prompt supposed to compare. You cannot reach the high score if you can deal with the prompts relatively.  
  
Please, you read many example to find the sense of wiritng task 1  
Keep Writing  
GOOD LUCK
**TED Summary : How to make work-life balance**  
  
People work to make their life better and because of that, many people face the imbalance of their life and work-life. Nowadays, certain jobs and career choices are fundamentally incompatible with young family flexy time. To balance work-life we should acknowledge the real situation we are in. The workers, as individuals, should take control and responsibility for the type of life we want to live. If they do not design their life, someone else will design it for them and may not like their idea of balance. They will never find a quality of life in the other hand especially in the hand of the commercial corporations. To balance the work-life, the workers should balance their intellectual, emotion, and spiritual side.  
  
Source : youtube
Hello  
  
There are no major issues with your text. However, you should consider rewriting some parts of the sentences as suggested below. (This will make the text sound better).  
  
~~many people~~ [...] *they often face*... ~~of their life and work-life~~ [...] *betweern their private lives and their professional responsibilities.*  
type of ~~life we want to live~~ [...] *lifestyle that they want to pursue.*  
If they do not ~~design their life~~ [...] *make proper choices in life, it will prove rather challenging for them to aspire for social prominence.*  
They will never ~~find a quality~~ [...] *be able to enjoy life to its fullest.*  
workers should ~~balance~~ [...] *look into ensuring that their intellectual and emotional sides are balanced as well.*  
  
I hope this will help. Regards.
Dear yuri, here some advice for your writing and feel free to correct me too!  
  
The new invention dedicate**s** to build training ground ~~that is~~ to change the Honors ~~be~~**of** Regulars.  
  
... people to be lead **others** people and can be followed by ~~the other people~~**them**.  
  
~~Nowdays~~**Nowadays**, the school has **been** many systems, ~~like~~**for instance** homework, read textbook, ~~taking~~**take****a** test **that** are make stressful,...  
  
Regards
Hi Yuri, there some suggestions for you.  
1.The new invention ( the invention can dedicate?) dedicate to build ...  
2.the young ~~people~~ to be which lead people ---> repetition.  
3.~~Nowdays~~ ---> Nowadays (miss spelling word)  
~~trow~~ ---> miss spelling word  
4.Nowdays, the school has been many systems( delete the comma) like homework, read textbook and taking test are make stressful (stop in here, put dot)
Hi Yuri, as I go through the essay, I must say, this is a very short summary, I understand that it is supposed to be a summary, however, if the thought of the story is not there anymore and it is re-written as a summary, I believe this cannot be counted as a summary.  
  
Look, I believe you have what it takes to understand and to write an essay, the key to writing, however, is to make sure that your readers understand and gets the message that you are trying to convey to your readers.  
  
You see, with this summary, it lacks the contents or rather the essence of the essay, the message is not there, you still have to make sure that parts of the essay are still present. The introduction - very crucial, in order to let the reader know what you are talking about, the body of the essay - to make sure that you have supporting sentences and last but definitely not the least, the conclusion, this is the defining moment of the essay.  
  
While you're at it, I hope you will be able to re-work on the essay and when you do, post it here on EF so we can assist you further.
Nina, your summary is too brief. Try to aim for at least 5 - 10 sentences for your summary. 4 sentences in a single paragraph is going to be viewed as too short to have been able to deliver a concise summary of a video discussion. You need to make sure that you better develop your topic sentence and offer a little more meaning or reference to the experiments that were conducted by the scientists in order to better illustrate the point that Aderson is trying to make in his speech. While your essay truly conveys the topic and essence of the speech in a short and understandable manner, you need to lengthen your discussion in order to prove that you have a somewhat complex vocabulary and that you are able to explain, in layman's terms, the references to the experiments he noted in his talk. Those would all help to increase your score should this have been an actual test.
HI Nina, I'm not too sure if this particular summary will actually suffice what is asked of you to write, you see there is a line between a summary and writing a short story from the long one without capturing the essence or the idea that the story if trying to convey to you.  
  
Now, when you do your revision, make sure that it consist of the whole process of writing an essay, I understand its a summary but it is still an essay, therefore, you still should be able to have the introduction, the body of the article and the concluding part that will pretty much cover the entire process of essay writing.  
  
While you're at it, I hope you will follow through with the remarks made for this essay and should you need further assistance, you can write us here on EF and we will guide you through.
Chris Aderson presents that a simple question can carry out us of the edge of human knowledge. Columbus reveals the world is circular by only looking his shadow on well while his head blocking the sun and his ideas finish by Erasthones, the discoverer of Geography, find the diameter of the world by measuring the distance between Alexandria and Sweden. Furthermore, Arman F. finishes the speed calculation of light tried to discover by Galileo before. Overall, Chris shows we are not so different with inventors in the past, they are just a little bit more curious. If they can change the world, so do we.
Alrisky, I am unable to provide accurate feedback for your statement due to the lack of the url for the video. I need to watch it for myself in order to properly guide you in the development of your summary. What I do notice in your current work though, is that you do not have a cohesive line of thought and your coherence is non-existent. There is no point to your summary because the ideas are all disconnected and there are no connecting sentences, phrases, or keywords that could help to interconnect the discussion you are trying to present. I realize that you are trying to explain about how some simple ideas can lead to scientific discoveries. However, there should be a logical introduction, discussion, and concluding paragraph to the summary. Since that does not exist in your essay, it would appear to the reader that you are merely discussing ideas that do not have any relation and hence, no relevance to the original discussion that Chris Anderson presented. You should have referred to the method by which Anderson discussed the ideas in his essay, thus properly summarizing the context of his speech in your essay. Without the continuity factor, this essay just doesn't have the coherence and logical flow of discussion to pass in the actual test. Lengthening your summary discussion by adding information to it should have solved that problem.
Hi Risky, here's another one from my end.  
  
- that a simple question can carry ~~out us of the edge of~~the human knowledge out of the edge .  
- Columbus ~~reveals~~revealed that the world  
- by only looking at his shadow on a well  
- head is just blocking the sun and  
- his ideas was followed and finished by Erasthones,  
- the discoverery of Geography,  
- finding the diameter of the world  
- the calculation of the speed ~~calculation~~ of light  
- ~~tried to~~was discovered by Galileo ~~before~~ .  
- Overall, Chris shows that we are not  
  
There you have it Risky, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and for future writing reference, mind the minor verbs that are missing in your sentences such as the linking verbs and if you should take the singular or the plural form of the verb or not.
**How Simple Ideas Led to Scientific Discoveries**  
  
In this TED video, Chris Aderson explained about the research from previous generation. First of all, he mentioned Richard that had been done with insertion research, used wagon as their item. Next, the speaker said about Erastothenes who carried out the diameter of earth by made a calculation way from Sweden to Alexandria. Moreover, he told Galileo research about speed of light and it had been continuing by Armand F. with light beam research. All in all, the speaker said that if someone wanted to do discover about anything, they can look at the previous research by the old Scientifics to broaden their horizon and also in order to make their research appeared to be true.
Mohamed, the first thing I noticed upon reading your version of the video is that there is no point to the scientific experiments that you mentioned. What is the connection of the previous research to present day science or modern day man? Next, you need to make sure that you always use the correct term in reference to the discussion you are presenting. The person involved in science is called a "scientist" not a "scientific". That mistake in your vocabulary alone will ensure that your vocabulary score will be lower than passing. Since you are still practicing for the test at this rate, try to use a dictionary before you use a technical term in order to make sure that you are not using the wrong word description in your essay. It is better to use simple terms and get a good score, then to try and use complex words and get a low or failing score. There is also a lack of clarity in your discussion. What exactly do you mean by "... in order to make their research appeared to be true"? If the experiment has not happened yet, how can it be true? I am not sure what you mean by that reference. Can you clarify it for me? Sadly, these mistakes could all add up for you towards a less than passing score in the actual test. It is never good when the reader cannot understand or connect with the meaning of what you are trying to relay in the summary.
Hi Muhamad, below are my thoughts for this summary essay.  
  
- First of all, he mentioned Richard, he's~~that~~~~had~~  
- ~~been~~ done with insertion research,  
-they used a wagon as their item.  
- ~~said~~spoke about Erastothenes  
- who carried out the diameter of the earth by  
- ~~made~~ a calculation made~~way~~ from Sweden to Alexandria.  
- Moreover, he told Galileo research about the speed of light - and it ~~had been continuing~~' been continued by Armand F. ...  
- ~~All in~~Over all, the speaker said  
- research ~~by the~~from old ~~Scientifics~~scientists to  
- research appeare~~d~~ to be true.  
  
There you have it Muhamad, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and for future writing reference, mind the association of words well as the position of the words in your sentences.
**Visa regulation should be relaxed for overseas students.  
Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Due to the growth of international communication, there are more and more exchanged students now. However, the first barrier these overseas students encounter is the visa applying. Some people believe that the government should loose the restriction of applying visa for these students yet I state the opposite view that the government should not treat these students different than the others, and my statement are following.  
  
First of all, the main reason people support to relax the visa limitation is their identities-students. Compare to other applicants such as immigrants and businessmen, students seem much simpler. They visit for studying or researching and most of them will not stay for a long time. Secondly, it can encourage the exchanges between different countries in terms of academic, sporty and art. In order to improve the diversity, it is a good way to attract different aspects students from worldwide.  
  
On the other hand, I believe the biggest concerned about visa restriction is safety. Although the purpose of these overseas students visiting is studying, it is hard to supervise all the students' life. For instance, there are several cases that some girls from poor countries will pretend as students to those developed countries to do the sexual business which can earn the money in very short period. I suppose the government should treat all the applicants the same so as to prevent such situations.  
  
To sum up, it is good to have many overseas students to visit. However, under no circumstance should we scarify our safety only for welcoming these students.
Arlen, while your argument is sound, the example that you gave in support of your stand on the need to be stricter about visa requirements for overseas students is weak. You should opt for a stronger example such as the need to vet the applicants better in case they pose a danger to the citizens of a particular country. Normally, the possibility of allowing a terrorist into a country based on a student visa is the actual fear that grips the nations in terms of admitting foreign students. So such an example would better prove your ability to analyze the possible supporting evidence for your argument and also prove that you are up to date when it comes to the current socio-political discussions. Now, I noticed that you used the term "scarify" towards the end of your essay. Just for your information, the correct term is "sacrifice". You need to be careful about the way you spell the English words. The wrong spelling could either change the meaning of your word or, as in this case, make the sentence nonsensical because the term you used doesn't exist in the language. Save for these comments and corrections, your work on this essay is quite good. Grammar problems aside, you really showed that you are capable of discussing such a complicated topic in your own intermediate manner. Not bad at all.
The New Zealand island is surrounded by ocean and consist of many coastal areas, like Kaikoura town where there are almost thousand tourists and habitants. The next disaster has been occurred in New Zealand, mainly in Northern Canterbury and southern Marlborough regions that are consist of 313 quakes in 13 hours and caused soil erosion approximately 100,000. The local business owner, Nick Shewring, talked about the Wellington, the capital of this country, ensued earthquake and flooding too. The others can predict that after 30 days the earthquake, there is the earthquake with bigger than before, almost 7.5 tremblor. Furthermore, the coastal area habitants have to evacuate to safety another place. Meanwhile, the scientist talked that this prediction not true thoroughly because it unconnected with week's supermoon phenomenon.  
  
Source : TIME
... by ocean and consists of many coastal areas  
  
The next disaster has ~~been~~ occurred in New Zealand *actually, i dont get this part due to you say it is next disaster, but already happened*, mainly in Northern (...) regions that ~~are~~ consist of 313 quakes ...  
  
~~The~~ others can predict (...), there is ~~the~~*an* earthquake with bigger ...  
  
... that this prediction is not true thoroughly because it is unconnected with ...
Hi Yuri, there are several advice for you.  
1. ... thousand tourists and ~~habitants.~~ ( habitans?)---> i think you want to write inhabitants  
2.The next disaster (?) has been occurred in New Zealand --> in the first sentence, you not mention anything about disasters and suddenly mentionthe next disaster ?  
  
3.ha~~s~~ d been  
4.caused soil erosion approximately 100,000 ---> give the measurement  
5.Furthermore, the coastal area ~~habitants~~ (i think you means inhabitants ) ~~have to evacuate~~ (make the sentence passive) to ~~safety~~ ( to+ V1/ bare ) another safe place.
**TED Summary : How simple ideas led to scientific discovery**  
  
There was an explanation about several sciences experiment by Chris Aderson. Firstly, Richard discovers about the Inertia. It was an experience when he was child that about a ball to the back of wagen. Secondly, Erastothenes measures the distance between Sweden and Alexandria to find out the diameter of Earth. Thridly, Galileo sets up an experience about light, he calculates the speed of light by a piece of equipment. However, he cannot get the result as it was too fast. Moreover, Armand F. finishes the previously discovery. All in all, with the invention by scientist , it would change the worlds.
HI, let me gives several suggestions for you.  
1.There was an explanation about several ~~sciences~~ ( science is uncountable) experiments ( you should put s,plural) by Chris Aderson.  
2. Firstly, Richard discovers about the Inertia. It was an experience when he was child ~~that~~ about a ball to the back of wagen  
3.~~Thridly~~ ---> miss spelling word  
4.you need to put some conjunction words to make the flow smoothly. Personally, it looks like you put so many main idea without supporting sentence andan example to make the reader view's clear about your summary.  
  
Keep writing and break a leg!
Andika, here is a tip for when you are writing these sorts of essays, always use the full name of the person you are referring to because that helps to better identify the person and use the name recall for the readers who may know what you are talking about. It would add to their interest in learning more about what you are summarizing. Also, when you say that Chris Aderson is explaining several science experiments, make sure that you involve him throughout the summary by using terms such as "Aderson first referred to the experiment by Richard who...". Then say "He also called attention to the experiment of Erasthones that measured...". Conclude by saying "Finally, Aderson also made mention of Galileo whose experiment with..." You need to make sure that Aderson constantly connects the summary discussion in order to help the reader keep track of the topic. By the way, the term is "wagon" not "wagen". You also need to clarify what that experiment is all about because the way you explain it is difficult for the reader to understand. Remember, anytime the reader is stressed by what you wrote, you will lose points for it. Your conclusion specially needs cleaning up. What you meant to say is that " Scientific inventions would change the world." Pay attention to the way you develop your sentences. Make sure it is always clear and understandable to the reader.
**Drawings that show the beauty and fragility of earth**  
  
Zaria Forman has dedicated herself to preserve indefensible places which are projected will be extinct by climate change. It cannot be a dispute that there has been a proliferation of global warming over the last decades, therefore, she wants to witness changes in those sites until the time goes on. Her hope is to inform people to slow climate change. In addition, she has a tendency to persuade people to do so through art, it is because she believes that this easily touch people's feeling.  
  
source: youtube