dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## more images instead of words in media?

  
  
***News stories on TV and in newspapers are very often accompanied by pictures. Some people say that these pictures are more effective than words. What is your opinion about this?***  
  
Readers tend to exaggerate the role of pictures, which has occupied in most news on TV and newspapers. I do not agree that pictorial news can expose and determine the information better than words. To illustrate, I will first describe the prominent aspect of the pictures, and second, discuss its function as an illustration.  
  
It will be vast and unorganized information if all the news arises without distinction, and notable news could not be found even though it carries exclusive information that is worth reading. Therefore, photos or pictures have been becoming an interpretation, which intentionally bloats and distinguishes a story from the news surrounded, so readers manage to discover and read it first. For instance, in the Fox News or the New York Times, the stories contain pictures that always capture reader's consideration prededence the rest of the news.  
  
Besides, photos that included in the report are an adequate implication and explanation toward audiences. They might be able to infer and extrapolate data through illustration in a picture, so the content of the article could be understood prior to the entire story. Some editors or authors prefer to illustrate the content of the report by summarizing, and insert it into the picture as a short brief and introduction, which help them consolidate the prominent of the article.  
  
In conclusion, the images, not only do it expose the news but also encapsulates its content. However, its role is unable to replace words, which are the most inherent part of one story
Hi Han! I am not professional, thus you can take the advice partially.  
It is quite confusing since at the beginning you disagree with the proposed claim (do not agree that pictorial news can expose and determine the information better than words), but you continue elaborating the positive aspects of using photos through the ensuing two paragraphs. Nomarlly, If you want to dispute a claim, you should mainly stress the negative aspects of this claim. Even if you would like to illustrate the positive part, it should not occupy over 50% content of your essay. You may have to cite relevant examples to support your essay, or it is not convincing. I strongly advie rewrting this essay.
Han, your opening paragraph is very confusing to read. You have to remember that there is a difference between pictures published in newspapers and pictures used in the news reports. The prior is read while the latter listens to the news report that accompanies the picture. That difference should be clear in your presentation so that you can better explain the way that the news affects the people in different forms. Now, since this is a direct question essay. You should have stopped at the disagreement reference. The last line in your presentation indicates a prompt deviation because you did not focus on the correct discussion topic anymore.  
  
*Original Topic: Some people say that these pictures are more effective than words.  
Your Deviation: I will first describe the prominent aspect of the pictures, and second, discuss its function as an illustration.  
Your Actual Topic: I do not agree that pictorial news can expose and determine the information better than words.*  
  
You accidentally created a prompt deviation in your effort to try and create an impressive direct response. A simple and straightforward response is always the only think you have to present in a direct response essay. When you try to over do you presentation, there is a tendency for you to confuse the discussion, as you did in this essay.  
  
Please be careful with your vocabulary use. There is no such word as "prededence", You mean to say "precedence" which means the condition of being considered more important than someone or something else. Review your essay every time before submission and make sure you have double checked all the scoring requirements to avoid point deductions once your work is scored. Every mistake has an equivalent subtraction from your total score, which could result in your failing the test.
**Topic:  
## Governments should spend more money on railways rather than roads.

  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
*(extracted from Cambridge IELTS 11 Writing Test 1 Task 2)*  
  
Nowadays, to meet the basic needs for worldwide population explosion, public transportation, especially locomotives, play an important role in people's daily commute. The authority is expected to allocate more budget to railroads instead of motorways. In this essay, I will strongly support the given opinion, regarding to various advantages brought by trains.  
  
First of all, the growing population density is posing an alarming threat to the environment. On that account, train system could reduce the number of private means of transport and thus lower the amount of fumes emission into the atmosphere.  
  
Moreover, as trains run on the respective and particular routes, they could avoid traffic congestion and accidents that are common on the motorways. That being said, commuters can get to the venue in a shorter period of time rather than waste their time waiting idly on the road.  
  
Finally, since trains are already one of the safest ways of travelling, if they are well-invested, they could be more beneficial and profitable for not only the traffic purpose but also for many other fields. A proper example is Japan, a nation with highly innovated railway system. Despite the fact that the potential of railroads has long been exploited, some high-speed trains remain getting upgraded and are made to be luxurious travel tours. Not only do those bullet trains travel tours bring to the country both financial profit and social advantage, but they also helps to solve unemployment.  
  
In conclusion, with a great deal of possibility to develop and profit, the railroads deserve proper investment by the officials, regardless of developed countries or developing ones.  
  
\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_  
  
Hi everyone!  
I'm a newbie here and I long for your help with my essays focusing on IELTS Writing format. I look forward to and truly appreciate your kind help and instruction. Thank you in advance!
Yuu, since you are using various websites to study how to write the Task 2 essay, I will not change what you have learned about the formatting of the essay nor the way that you present it from those online sources. I do not want to confuse you when it comes to the learning process. I want you to write in the manner that is comfortable for you and reflects what you feel you have been taught by the online tutorials you so that you will not have to try to learn 2 writing styles. Instead, I will simply focus my advice on your grammar and related problems. That will still be helpful to you in the sense that you will learn why your scores might be low in the actual test.  
  
In this essay, you showed a problem in your writing skill with regards to subject - verb disagreements. You wrote "... but they also helps to solve..." when the correct reference in this instance should have been "but they also help solve". Helps refers to action done in the third person present format of the word while help is the actual verb form.  
  
You may also wish to consider building up your vocabulary of descriptive adjectives so that you can create better, more academic sounding essays. Rather than saying "an important role", use a higher vocabulary reference such as "a key role", "a significant role", or "a vital role", all of which help to heighten the impression of your vocabulary abilities with the examiner.  
  
Personally, I would have liked to see you offer a direct response to this question rather than reminding the examiner that you are writing an essay. He already knows that. A simple response of "I strongly support this statement due to the importance of locomotion..." would have been clearer and more cohesive in terms of paragraph presentation. Then again, if you are writing based on the sample from the book, then just ignore my advice and focus on the grammar issues alone. I don't want to confuse you during your learning process.
## PARENTS AND CHILDREN RELATIONSHIP

  
  
*TOPIC: In many countries, young people are granted certain privileges and responsibilities at the age of sixteen. Clearly parents have a responsibility to both care for and prepare their children as they approach this important milestone. To what degree should parents intervene in the lives of their 14-15-year-old children?*  
  
This is my essay:  
  
All citizen of a country are fair in law as they are entitled to do something when they old enough. If they are a child, they will be protected from danger by the government. In my opinion, there are two ways to ensure that the rights of young people are respected.  
  
Through school, mass media, people's rights are widely disseminated. By putting posters along the main roads, moreover, writing books, song and short films about halls of power as the main topic should be encouraged to produce and give free to students. In addition, the online social network is another way to convey the human rights to the young people. This could educate young people about the importance of their rights so that they seek to help to defend themselves.  
  
The government also has a responsibility to protect the young people's rights. Polices should take the interests of young people into account. In certain circumstance, they will appoint a young people's commissioner to sorority new legislation for compliance with the framework such as the Vietnam Convention on the Rights of the Young. This method results in ensuring young people are continuously represented in the hall of power.  
  
All in all, to ensure the youth rights, the whole society must give their hands. It is clear that respecting the youth rights is not just for benefits of the young, but also for highly security of society.
Through school **and** mass ...  
  
The government ~~also~~ has a ... the **young's** rights. Polices should take ~~the~~  interests ~~of~~ **to** young people....  
  
Notes :  
- Your writing is less than 250 words (only 235 words in total). For IELTS Writing Task 2, you must write 250 words  
- Add more your vocabulary  
- Try to write 3-5 sentences in one paragraph  
  
Good luck
Hi THI  
  
I think you are quite good at grammar and sentence structures. However, you are not answering the prompt, the discussion in your essay is a different topic compare to the question. Let's have a look.  
  
The prompt asked you: Should parents intervene in the lives of their 14-15-year-old children? => It means that should they care for and prepare for children before they reach the age of 16, their importance stage in life.  
  
In your essay: You discussed citizen right and young people right and did not mention the role of parents.  
Since you don't answer the prompt properly, I think it is hard to follow the flow of your essay and it confused readers.
Leaving the fact that you did not respond properly to the given task, which would result in an automatic score of 1 for the TA section, ensuring the failure of your essay, you also neglected to write the appropriate number of words for this task. You have written only 235 words out of the required 250. Therefore, the examiner will take one look at this essay, realize that it is under the word count, apply the correct word count penalty, and then review the remainder of the test. Based on the lack of word count plus your prompt deviation problem, there is no way that this essay will get a passing score. You failed to provide the 2 most important considerations; the minimum word count and a task responsive essay. Therefore, you cannot expect to pass the test.  
  
It is easy to write more than 250 words, but it is difficult for you to clearly understand the TA requirements if you do not understand how to properly write the essay. Reading the sample essays at this forum and gathering information from the advice provided for that student should help you develop a clearer understanding of what the various Task 2 essay topics and writing requirements are and how to best approach the task.
@THI  
  
I agree with Holt in that you didn't answer the question. You vaguely mentioned the rights that the youth should have, but what exactly are those rights? Rather than talking about police, or schools, you can link the rights to how ***parents*** should or should not intervene.  
  
I would rewrite the essay first to answer the question. I would recommend planning out the essay first before actually writing it. This way you can ensure it answers the question in a clear and concise manner. Then look back at your new essay and read it out loud. There were a lot of grammar mistakes in this version that made it difficult to follow what was being said.
## Sharing information: should or should not

  
  
*Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others belive that some impormation is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.  
  
Discuss both these view and give your own opinion.*  
  
People have different perspectives on whether imformation about scientific research, business and the academic world should be shared for free as much as posible or not for free because it is curial or to valuable. In my pinion, I think that it is depends both imfomation's value and infomation owner.  
  
Many people support the opinion that it would be better as information should be shared freely. This might be because the information is extremely helpful for every one to work, study or develop. Therefore, sharing for free information what will bring a lot of benefits such as reputation, respect and esteem both individual and orginasation is curial, especially study about science, business and academic world.  
  
On the other hand, others argue that many information should be charged because they are too important or great worth. For example, no candiadte who want to share their answers for other candidates in the college entrance examination want to enter university. It is clear that many exclusive informations of any organisation which has spent a lot of wealth and effort to create something and they think that they will sell thier information instead of sharing publicly.  
  
However, I think that there are two factors which has an influence on sharing or non-sharing information. Although the value of information plays a key role in the owner's consideration of selling or sharing, the factor which decides the destiny of ingormation is haman. Consequently, some liberal people are willing to share freely their information without caring the impotence or value of information.  
  
To sum up, sharing or non-sharing depends not only value but also holder of information but the exact imformation always useful for everyone so they should be shared for free as much as possible.
... it is **crucial**  
  
You need to rephrase this "I think that it is depends both imfomation's value and infomation owner."  
-would be better as information should be shared freely==>would be better if information is shared freely.  
-every one ==> everyone  
-Therefore, ~~sharing for~~ free information ~~what~~ will bring a lot of ...  
  
-reputation, respect and esteem ==> they are almost identical  
- great worth ==> valuable
Alicia, you once again misunderstood the prompt discussion instructions. This is a 5 paragraph discussion essay that highlights 2 differing public opinions along with your personal opinion. The format is:  
  
Par. 1: Paraphrased prompt  
Par. 2: Public POV 1  
Par. 3: Public POV 2  
Par. 4: Personal opinion  
Par. 5: Concluding summary  
  
The instruction rephrasing should have been something like:  
  
*There is a need to fully understand the two opposing points of view through information presentation for each. This is important because, as a writer, I cannot build my personal opinion for presentation to the reader without it. That is why this essay will compare the opposing publicly supported reasons before I create a personal opinion.*  
  
Your opening paragraph presented this essay as a total personal point of view essay. Which means your response is only partially correct. You will only receive a score for the personal opinion section of the discussion instruction. That means you will fall under the minimum word count of 250 words. After the points are deducted for the short essay word count, then we add the deductions for the other errors, you will find it difficult to meet the minimum passing score for this test.  
  
Always discuss the essay in the manner instructed in the original prompt. Use the correct reference phrases that clearly show you are discussing the public points of view first. You need to understand that reference words help your score because it clarifies the discussion points and references. I believe that I already explained how you can do that in your previous essay. Seeing this mistake repeated in this essay makes me feel disappointed and afraid for you. I can't even bring myself to review your other errors in this essay because you did not discuss the requirements in the expected manner. I would like to give you the opportunity to present a properly represented essay. That way I will be able to properly assess your writing strengths and weaknesses.  
  
English comprehension skills and your ability to follow the instructions are very important for a person who wishes to study in an English academic environment. That is the very first thing that is scored in this test. When you don't properly repeat what the original discussion instructions are, which makes you discuss the essay in either the wrong or, as in this case, an incomplete manner, the examiner will not be confident that you have what it takes to survive in an English curriculum based learning facility.  
  
Let's work on your comprehension skills first, then worry about the other parts later :-) I am sure you can do this.
**## People living in large cities have to face many problems in everyday life.

  
*What are those problems? Should the government encourage people to move regional towns?***  
  
Today, humans who are staying in big towns must be confronted with lots of challenge. The major cause is pollution that produce from air, noise, and water. Consequently, people must be faced the congestion on the highway in every single day. Therefore, the governance should be considered about displacing the residents to regional areas, however, it will not always be a great solution to solve this matter.  
  
First of all, the increasing of total number in vehicles and the air and noise pollution are interrelated and inseparable problems. The low price and the necessity of private transport growth significantly every year. Following this, the government should be deliberated an attempt to diminishing the individual's vehicles. Adding more public transports with adequate facilities is one of the best solution for this issue. The human can breath more fresh air and avoid the noise because the pollution become lower. Besides, the jamming that usually occur on the road can be evaded.  
  
Generally, the water pollution is delivered from the household and the factory which is exist in big cities. People throw the household waste to the river that outraging the water. If individuals consume the polluted water, they will be poisoned. Besides, several companies also dispose the garbage to the stream without processing. Regarding to this, the governance should arrange the regulation of garbage disposing with some penalties that will punish the offenders.  
  
In conclusion, an individual who living in huge towns have to through a lot of problems, namely the pollution (air, water, and noise) and the road stagnation. Hence, the government should create some plans to break the problem, except transfer the citizen to the regional city.
Annatha, when you start a statement using the plural form, you should continue that throughout the sentence. You cannot start with the plural form then suddenly switch to the singular form as you did in the following sentence:  
  
Adding more public transports with adequate facilities is one of the best solution for this issue...  
  
Transports is the plural form of transport. Therefore the word "solution" should also be in plural form as in "solutions". Most specially since you use the plural form of the word "facility" in the sentence in the form of "facilities". Consistency is important in your presentation due to the GRA plus C&C considerations.  
  
Be careful with your vocabulary choices. Breath is the process of breathing while breathe means to inhale and exhale. You need to be sure that you use the word with the correct meaning in your sentence. If you are unsure about the meaning, it would be best not to use the word, just to avoid lowering your LR score. Try to use an alternative word or explanation instead. There are some commonly confused words, such as the ones referred to here, that often cause those sorts of problems. Try to familiarize yourself with more English words, its variations, and word meaning. There is a difference between "growth" and grow.  
  
Try to write with a sense of confidence in your paragraphs, Avoid starting your sentences with words that connote a sense of general opinion in your meaning. Use a topic sentence instead of a general reference term to kick off the sentence. It is important to simply state the facts rather than trying to present word fillers like "Generally" to present your discussion. You also lack transition sentences that help to move your essay clearly from one topic to another. Try to keep your discussions within the 3-5 sentences per paragraph format.  
  
You have a long way to go when it comes to clearly discussing your reasoning paragraphs. As a beginner, I can see that you have the potential to properly discuss your future essays. You can start by using one topic per sentence, then work your way up to using transition phrases to help you connect 2 related topics in one discussion, then finally, learn how to apply transition sentences at the end of your paragraphs to further boost your GRA skills and scoring.  
  
Read the samples here. You will learn a lot about how to improve based on the mistakes of others and the advice they have received. You can apply the advice to your own writing exercises and see an immediate improvement in your writing skill. Don't give up. You can do this. I have faith in you.