dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Since you are writing this in a letter format, please make sure that you keep the format consistent until the end of the letter. That means, since you have a salutation as the opening of the letter, then you also need a closing salutation at the end. By the way, I think you used an android device to write this new letter because you wrote "Andrea" instead of and mother. Also, the word "mother" should be written in lower case since it is not accompanied by the name of a person as a title such as "Mother Teresa". Your tone is now consistent in terms of being concerned for your sister and comes across as the words of a sibling who wants to help a sister. The tone before was too academic because you did not have the proper format for the letter in place. This version though, does a very good job of accomplishing the task given to you to write about. While the grammar is not perfect, the sentences are understandable enough to allow proper comprehension of the message you want to get across to your sister / reader.
Okay. Here are some tips. When discussing in past tense, it is not always necessary to say the word "have". So in your first paragraph, you could have simply said "You mentioned in your letter..." That is because "have" connotes an action that is still taking place. In this case, it has already happened so it is no longer necessary to say "have". In the second paragraph, say "you do not have" instead of "did not have". Did not have connotes a past action while "Do not have" connotes an ongoing situation that still requires a solution. Third paragraph should say "where you spent your money". Again, this is all about the timeline in the letter. Most of your sisters actions have already occurred and as such, must take on the past form of presentation. Also, it is better to say "... you will reflect on your actions..." instead of "reflect on yourself". Basically, the mistakes in your grammar are so minimal and negligible since it does not alter the meaning of the sentence nor make the paragraph confusing to read. That is why I did not think the corrections were necessary. For an ESL, you are doing a very good job in expressing yourself in written English.
topic: **you recently went on a trip with a friend and you both took some photographs. write a letter to your friend. in your letter: ask your friend to send you on of the photographs, explain why you need that particular photograph; and tell your friend what happened to your copy of it.**  
  
---------------------------------  
## I need a favor from my friend

  
  
Dear Sarah,  
Hope all is well. Here, I need a big favor from you and hope you can help me out.  
  
I was in the midst of backing up all recent photos to my laptop and strangely some photos went missing during the data transferring process. While I've managed to retrieve some photos, there was one that went completely missing and could not be found. That photo had both of us in it and it was taken during our trip to Japan last summer! Do you remember which one? It was the one where we took together after we've successfully completed our first full marathon. It's so meaningful as it captured such a memorable event for both of us. It would be a shame if I could not have it back.  
  
I wonder if you could send me a copy of the photograph? I would like to print it out and frame it. I'm sure it will be a perfect decoration for my new house.  
  
Hope you can shed some lights over.  
  
Best,  
Jamie
Jessy, the letter is good. It delivers on all the prompt expectations except on one point. That is, you were asked to discuss a recent trip. So when you said "last summer" that is not considered recent. A recent trip would be something that you had about a few days ago. Anything over one month uses the term "last" which indicates a longer period of time. Recent means something:  
  
*having happened, begun, or been done not long ago or not long before; belonging to a past period of time comparatively close to the present.*  
  
Therefore, while your essay delivered on most of the requirements, the misunderstanding regarding the proper time frame of the event has resulted in a lower score for this essay. The score would probably be anywhere between a 3 (for failure to address the task properly) to a 4 (because you were able to address the task but missed a few important points such as the correct time frame). By the way, what did you mean by "Hope you can shed some light over"? That doesn't make sense to a native English speaker. Kindly explain what you mean.
There are a number of things that you could have done to turn this into an 8 essay. First of all, you should have gotten the time reference right. Then, you could have written a longer letter composed of about 3 paragraphs. That meant that the tone of the letter would have needed to be more cordial in order to have you write more English words that hopefully, would have translated into more complex sentences. Using English words or slang that is more commonly known to native English speakers would have also been helpful. When you use slang that is common only to your part of the world, you will lose the reviewer. So it is always best to either keep the slang to a minimum or not use it at all. A little bit more of English fluency, to the level of a native speaker would have been necessary to secure the final criteria that could have scored you an 8. It is very difficult to achieve an 8 but it can be done. With constant practice of both the written and spoken English language, you just might get to that level. That level of writing though, normally takes ESL students years, if not decades to achieve. Just keep practicing and you will eventually get to that level.
**In many countries, more and more young people are unable to find jobs after graduation.**  
  
## unemployed graduates

  
  
With the tendency that youth graduates find it difficult to find a job nowadays, youth unemployment is becoming a big issue in many countries in the world. This essay will point out some negative consequences as well as give some possible solution to remedy it.  
  
to begin with, the obvious affect is that jobless people cannot find the way to earn for living, thus they are incapable of supporting themselves and their family as well as covering the loans which they might have for education at university or college, (which really creates) creating a big pressure not only on them but also on their family financially and psychologically. Therefore, they may be haunted by depress and negative.  
  
However, it is far from private problems, it is actually a problem of entire society when the rate of social instability increases, and people with resentment and disappointment can much more easily form gangs or groups which can commit robbery, stole, pick-pocket or other more serious crimes.  
  
The solution should be discussed at both personal and government scales. It is high time that government allowance for the unemployed should be made policy in order to maintain social instability as well as give them a chance to have a better life. Besides, some people content that having a further education can give unemployed people more advantages. However, in my opinion, I do not totally agree with this idea, because it seems to delay the problem rather than solve it. A more crucial thing is that the young with unemployment should be taken into the consideration; they should lower their expectation or can accept the seemingly more fundamental works, maybe in their community or rural area. With the solutions mentioned above, I believe that the situation can be diminished.  
  
(can you help me to correct mistakes in this essay? Thank you very much)
Due to the unclear purpose of this thread, I am not sure about what should I do. Most essays that are posted here have their own specific prompt that should be followed. Since this is your first post, I won't judge further about the mistake that you did regarding to the rules of this forum. I just hope that the moderator here will not take a serious action such as banning or suspending your account.  
  
With regards to the essay, I can see that it is an argumentative essay. There are lots of types of argumentative essay but most of them do NOT have a VERY LONG concluding paragraph like what you have written in your thread. This is a wrong approach to write an argumentative essay. At first, try to write at least three sentences in your introductory paragraph because an introductory paragraph should consist of a topic sentence, a thesis statement, and the outline of the thesis statement. Then, when it comes to your body paragraph, you need to elaborate what you have written in the introductory paragraph, especially in the outline of your thesis statement. Additionally, in concluding paragraph, you just need to paraphrase your introductory paragraph and add a recommendation, hope, or fear of the future. Therefore, my suggestion is that to fully revise the whole essay based on the structural things that I have mentioned earlier.  
  
Hope this helps :)
Tram, I know that this is a topic for the IELTS Task 2. Now, I have an idea as to what the prompt you are trying to respond to is. However, unless I get the full prompt directly from you, I cannot be sure that what I have in mind is correct. I want to be sure that I analyze your band scores based on the proper prompt requirements. Please do me a favor and post the full prompt as it was provided to you so that I can better assess and score your work. Right now, I will offer you general comments on your obvious writing problems.  
  
The first problem that I see with your essay is the inconsistency in the way that you write the paragraphs. Sometimes you use a capital letter to start it, sometimes you don't. Be consistent, all paragraphs and sentences start with a capital letter for the first word. Don't forget that. all words after the opening word are written in lower case.  
  
Next, you need to make sure that your summary paraphrasing falls within the prompt requirement of 3 sentences minimum. Needless to say, the first paragraph is too short, along with the third paragraph. Both do not fall under the required minimum sentences. The final paragraph of your essay has the opposite problem. You should never have a concluding paragraph more than 5 sentences long. You are only supposed to reiterate the discussion made in the earlier paragraphs and that can be done in around 3 sentences, when presented properly.
Thank you for commending on my thread, and I am also sorry that i did not post full promt. Actually, the topic of this essay is "in many countries, more and more young people are unable to find jobs after graduation. What problems do you think youth unemployment will cause to the individual and society? What can be done to cope with this problem?"  
  
the minimum words are 250. I think that i need to rewrite that essay. Thank you so much for your help.
Tram, I am not going to score you on this essay for now. The reason that I will not do that is because I would like to focus on helping you to address the problem points of this essay rather than having you focus on the score that this essay will bring in. The score does not matter for now. What matters is that you understand the problem points of your work and how you can solve it in order to get you a better score.  
  
For starters, pay attention to the way that you type. Make sure that you capitalize the words that need to be capitalized. The first word of every sentence starts with a capital letter. Then, make sure that you have a properly formatted essay. Each paragraph, which includes the paraphrasing in the first paragraph and the conclusion in the last paragraph, all need to have at least 3 sentences in it for it to be considered at least a partially developed paragraph. The lack of sentences in any paragraph always results in an under developed presentation of your reasoning or evidence.  
  
Next, make sure that you understand the prompt requirements. Only when an essay specifically asks you to deliver a personal opinion as part of the discussion should you present any form of a personal opinion. You presented a personal opinion in this essay which was totally uncalled for. That prompt deviation would definitely have affected your task accuracy score in a major way. When your task accuracy score is low, it is hard to get higher marks for the remaining criteria.  
  
Finally, the minimum word requirement for the task 2 essay is 250 words. You wrote around 294. There is no need to revise the essay to meet the word count. You are in a very comfortable presentation level. Remember you cannot present less than 250, but you can present more than that in order to prove your GRA and LR abilities, which would help to increase your score, if done properly.
When you are asked to give a potential solution to the problem such as "What can be done to address this problem?" which is the question posed in this essay, you can give your own solution to the problem. The solution can be based on your personal approach to the problem and the solution you would apply to it. It does not have to be the perfect solution, nor does it have to be the correct solution. It just has to be a solution. There are no right or wrong answers to these essay questions. The questions are meant to test your English understanding and writing skills. It does not consider the validity of the answers based upon applicability such as if you were taking the GRE test. Just write the solution that you think will work for the problem in an understandable manner. Use simple English if you have to. It won't matter in the end as long as your solution falls within the prompt parameters.
## island transformation

  
  
The maps show the transformation of an island before and after the construction of some tourism facillities.  
  
Overall, the changes occurred on most parts of the island, about two third its length.  
The most dramatic changes happened on the west side and the center of the island with many bungalows built around the trees, which were there originally and remained intact after the construction. Also, a pier was built on the south coast.  
  
The beach in the far west was turned into a swimming area when more than half of the east side stayed unchanged. There is a vehicle track from the pier to the restaurant on the north side and the reception located at the center of the island. For accessing to the accommodations, footpaths are available all around each bungalow.  
  
*
Alice, due to the mechanical nature of your essay, you cannot score higher than a 5 with this work. The essay only represents the clear information from the illustrations provided. Your comparison is incomplete and does not provide a complete idea of how the transformations on the island occurred. It was important for your essay that you properly compared and contrasted the illustrations. An explanation of the before and after images would have been more than appropriate for this discussion. If you will recall the instructions for this prompt, you were to make comparisons where it was applicable. However, there was no comparison made in your essay. Instead of having the expected 4 paragraph discussion, you only have 2 paragraphs and one underdeveloped summary overview. It is because of the lack of proper discussion in the essay that you provided which led to the score of 5 in the overall consideration of your work.
Hai. @thien\_my  
  
You wrote only about 130 words on your essay which is too short for IELTS Writing Task 1. You need to write at least 150 words for task 1.  
  
There are some grammatical errors too such as : most dramatic changes happened on the west side and the center of the island with many bungalows *built* **(were built)** around the trees...  
  
Then, you need to use some cohesive devices in order to achieve best mark on your CC (coherence and cohesion). Afterwards, it will be better if you make a transitional word/sentence before moving to the third paragraph so you can show a smooth transition.  
  
I hope it can be useful, thanks!
***Hi Alice**, welcome to Essay Forum. This is a useful medium for improving your writing skill so that you harness this as well as possible.  
  
I have read your writing closely and found a few major mistaken. Firstly, you have missed one of essential requirements. Keep in your mind that you have to produce at least 150 words in the writing task 1. A penalty will be given in scoring this writing. I think you can explore more information about the diagram above. After that, you are supposed to arrange your paragraphs systematically. In the first paragraph, that is filled by the paraphrase of the question, and your summary about the information which you are gonna review in the body paragraph. Following this, I remind you that the good paragraph has at least three sentences. I hope you tackle those problems.  
  
Then, you should use the present tense for describing the data because there was a specific period so that this matter is considered as the fact. Turning the specific of your data in the body paragraph, I have met the sense of the writing task 1. As we know, our job in the writing task 1 is to compare two pictures. You have tended to describe the after condition solely although you have to include previous surface.  
  
Hopefully, those suggestions can help you. GOOD LUCK*
**Any new technological development in the recent years is a boon or curse for the society in general**  
  
## new technology - a blessing or a threat?

  
  
Science and technology have great influence on human life since their inception. A lot of technological enhancements have taken place in the developing society, and which are conspicuously affecting people's life. Considering this, some analysts argue that technology is improving our life, while, others think it is creating problems. This essay focuses on some pros and cons of technological advancements and asserts the appropriate conclusion.  
  
To begin, technology has made our life very comfortable. It is clear that computers these days are so efficient and easy to use for people that they become a part of their life. Furthermore, with the advent of electronic communication world has become a global village. For instance, VOIP technology helps people to do face-to-face conversation with their kin and kith anytime. Moreover, technology enhances the students interest and intimacy towards their studies. They can watch recorded video tutorials to clear their concepts in any field. Also, medical discoveries occur at a much more rapid rate; thanks to machines and computers that aid in the research process and allow for more intense educational research into medical matters.  
  
On the other hand, technology also brings some threats to people. Firstly, the inventions of weapons especially nuclear war gadgets are extremely dangerous for the existence of the entire life forms on the Earth. Secondly, an increased use of motor vehicles causes the contamination of the environment which eventually causes certain problems such as rise in a surface temperature and global warming. Lastly, companies that depend heavily on computer systems to conduct business can come to a virtual standstill if the system breaks down.  
  
To conclude, I pen down saying that, the advantages of technologies outweigh disadvantages. However, as every garden has some weeds, higher authorities must take appropriate steps to reduce its negative effects.
Prasanth, somehow I feel like the prompt that you provided is not complete. Surely there is more to the instructions you were provided than just the topic sentence. It is important that you provide me with the complete prompt instructions you were given for the proper assessment of your essay. Without it, all I can offer you will be an overview of the problems that your work currently presents.  
  
To begin with, you cannot end your opening statement by saying that you will assert a proper conclusion. When you assert something, you do that with a degree of verbal or written force. Why exactly are you doing that in this essay? Aren't you just supposed to discuss the possible outcome of technological enhancements? You do not have an enemy when writing this essay. There is no need to "assert" anything. Again, providing me with the complete prompt requirement will help me to advice you regarding the best way to develop your opening statement / paraphrasing.  
  
Next, nuclear warheads and other nuclear equipment are not considered gadgets. That is the wrong term to use. You probably meant to say "nuclear weapons" or "nuclear arsenal". Do not mistake nuclear weapons for technological enhancements at this point. The essay is asking you consider more basic things than the advanced nuclear instruments, which people do not have regular access to and most developing societies are not allowed to easily access due to the complexities of dealing with such instruments.  
  
Your conclusion is too wordy and confusing. Just state what you want to say in a direct manner. By the way, the conclusion should only repeat, in summary form, the information you already provided with a reiteration of your opinion on the matter. It does not have to be poetic. It just has to make sense to the reader immediately.
This essay focuses on some pros and cons of technological advancements and asserts the appropriate conclusion.  
Just be more careful in giving such response towards the prompt. That sentence can be categorized as an unclear outline of the thesis statement. Next time, try to be more precise or specific in what kind of pros and cons that you are going to deliver in the body paragraphs. You just need to mention the general idea of it, not the whole elaborated argument/assertion(s). Therefore, the appropriate or recommended response would be like this:  
  
This essay will first discuss **the efficiency of computers and medical discovery as its primary advantages** and second, **the dangerous invention of weapons and the increasing usage of motor vehicles as its drawbacks.**  
  
In addition, avoid making too short conclusion like what you have written. Remember to at least create a paragraph that consists of three sentences minimum. That is the characteristics of strong and well-developed paragraph.  
  
Hope this helps.
@ichanpants89  
Sorry for #OOT  
Dear Iksan, how could I quote like that, if I want to review someone writing? Thank you!  
  
@prasanthbab  
Dear Prasanth, I dont know what is the command on this writing. Because there are few types of IELTS Writing Task 2.  
Anyway, I'd like to suggest two things:  
- First, you use "thanks," which is informal phrase I think that we shoudn't use in formal writing like IELTS.  
- Second, in 3rd paragrah, after first setence, I think you need an explanation before you talk about "the kind of technology which bring bad impact." You can mention what is the kind of technology first. Then, when you explain the second setences, you do not jump and confusing reader.  
  
I hope it'll help you though a little.  
  
Fighting!
Early technological developments VS recent technological developments -- task 2 IELTS [3] ✓  
Hi Holt thanks for your prompt analysis on my essay writing.  
  
As per your conclusion if I can paraphrase my **introduction, Body 2 and conclusion** i can get good score . If possible can you give some tips to paraphrase these paragraphs that will be much helpful.@sehatdinati  
  
Thank you very much for your advise, I will follow your guidelines next time.