dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## IELTS WRITING TASK 2: HEALTHCARE

  
  
*Hello everyone. My name's Giang. I'm going to take IELTS exam next summer, so I really need your help to improve my writing skills.*  
  
[TOPIC]  
Advanced medical treatments are generally expensive. People's access to proper health care should not depend upon their level of income. All people have the right to access the best medicine available"  
  
[ESSAY]  
In more recent decades, the issue of whether the same quality of healthcare and treatment should be provided to every resident has remained a matter for debate. This essay will explain why the idea mentioned above should not be bring into reality.  
  
To begin with, there would be much more presure putting on the healthcare system if all indivisuals had access to the most advanced medical treatments. To take the National Health Service in the United Kingdom as a classic example, the state hospitals are difficult to run in spite of their extreme effords, because they always have very long waiting lists for operations and appointments. As an ineviable consequence, a lot of people may suffer from slow treatment. This example illustrates the current situation in which patients are being equally treated with the latest remedies.  
  
Another reason is that such ideal policy which guarantee people with the adequate health services may constrain the national development. First, because the government must invest a large amount of the tax money in healthcare, other areas such as education and environment will suffer from cutbacks and underfunding. Second, people may take the welfare state for granted, so they do not have to work hard but still be able to enjoy a reasonable quality of lives. In these ways, giving out the same level of treatment to every patient is capable of damaging the economy.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that we should not provide adequate healthcare to the public for our own interest as well as the whole nation.  
  
*Thank you for checking my work!*
Hello giang, i just want to point out spelling mistakes, in paragraph 2 line 1 indivisuals, and paragraph 2 line 2 effords. Although i am pretty sure those are just only typos you accidentally made.  
  
And about your conclusion i think you should point out one of your reasons there, for example:  
In conclusion, I believe that we should not provide adequate healthcare to the public for our own interest as well as the whole nation because it will take too much portion of the tax money.  
  
However since i am a newbie as well, please do not classify this as an expert opinion but rather peer input. Good luck!
Generally the essay is well written but there are a couple of errors you could correct.  
1. I now acknowledge how to write an academic essay using the 5-part outline, and how to cite and reference the sources applying.....this sentence has a problem. Replace the world acknowledge with know  
  
2. ~~Harvard style citing.~~.....Harvard citation style  
3. remove  ~~up-to~~  
4. is better said as//by making a ~~whole~~  short film from scratch  
5.  ~~to function the technical device ...~~ rephrase this to use the camera perhaps  
  
6. as ~~we~~ all footage  
7. ~~to rewind what did~~ to reflect about what we learned  
8. to represent~~s~~ a real life  
9. ~~as we are~~  Communication and Media student---on the process of being a Comm..  
10. ~~reflection paper ... reflection~~ rephrase this..you cannot use reflection twice  
  
Hope this helps
## doing the right thing

  
  
In the following recent year, there has been reported an increase in the population of homeless and street beggars. In my opinion, giving money to beggars, I think it is the right thing to do. And why I feel this way, I will explore in the following essay.  
  
The official report published by the world organization of homeless people and street beggars represents an increase in their number. The main reasons for street begging are a massive rise in unemployment. What' more is that now a day all the companies had the same requirements that require highly educated and experienced employees some people who are unable to meet these requirements often end up being unemployed due to which they are unable to pay their bills, taxes and housing rents etc  
  
Secondly, what is certainly true is that I think we should help people in need that is if they ask for money we should not refuse because they may need some money to buy their meal or feed their young ones. My own experience demonstrates this concept that one day after work on my way back home a street beggar come up to me and asked me for some money and she told me that she needed money so that she could buy some warm clothes from a nearby thrift store for her sick son who was freezing in cold. This shows our life is full of unexpected emergencies we don't know what come's next. After all, they are also humans giving them money could help them in fulfilling their daily small necessary needs.  
  
In conclusion, I strongly believe that helping people in need is the right thing to do.  
Because it could also fix their broken feelings about people who refuse to give any money to them and create a feeling of love between us.@ meme444
The essay should be longer to be more convincing and there a couple of grammatical errors you should correct. Here they are:  
  
~~In the following recent year,.~~.....should be....In recent years....  
  
 ~~now a day~~ ... should be.... nowadays  
  
~~daily small necessary needs.~~...should be..... small daily necessary needs.  
  
You should formulate a plan for essay then think it through. After writing re-read it and I'm sure you will come up with a splendid piece.
Hi there, please give me some advice about the essay below. Thanks!  
  
## Fear of crime

  
  
Many people are afraid to leave their homes because of their fear of crime. Some people believe that more actions should be taken to prevent crime, but ohters feel that little can be done. Dicuss both views and given your own opinion.  
  
With the increasing of the crime rate , there are some people that are afraid to leave their house . According to the situation , we have discussed whether it is possible to take more actions to obstruct crime . In my opinion , I believe that even implement some measures would have trouble , we still need to overcome these .  
  
Analyzing the main reasons why criminals would break the law , we can find that lots of factors of offenders circumstances , such as their personal behaviors , financial status and law awareness . As I mentioned these different factors , we are able to target to prevent crimes . For example , the juvenile delinquencies criminals disobeying the law is that it is rooted in their immaturity , even they do not think their behaviors have beyond the scope of the law . As for them , the school and communities have the responsibility to educate the young generation more law knowledge . In addition , the needy people that committed a crime just because they need money . Therefore , the most efficient action to prevent this type of crime is providing them financial support .  
  
However , some people argue that some offenders culprit the law by accident , which is unpredictable and unsolved . Regarding the unexpected situation that we can do is letting them know the consequences of committing a crime . As long as people fundamentally realize that obeying law is their obligations to a citizen , they would not disobey it easily . So our government and mass media all need to propagate more information about harm in crime , which strengthens their awareness of abiding the law .  
  
In conclusion , facing these predictable and unpredictable crime events , which we can take actions in different aspects , thus playing the role of crime prevention .
In my opinion, u have used a variety of vocabulary which is really good. However, in the third paragraph, the final reason is quite unconvincing, because the needy people need money doesn't mean we need to give them money, it cannot solve the problem of cut the root of the problem. I think you should write" the needy people that committed a crime just because they need money *and they cannot find a job*" which will sound more sensible :).  
  
And another problem which is quite big is I think u miss the **"personal opinion"**. U cannot just say your opinion in the introduction and done. U have to give the reasons, results, examples, blah blah blah... so in other words, u did not follow the prompt :)  
  
And that just all my ideas I give to u, I hope it can help u :) !
SOME COUNTRIES ENCOURAGE TEENAGERS TO HAVE A PART-TIME JOB AND SEE IT AS A GOOD THING WHILE OTHERS DISAGREE. GIVE YOUR OPINION AND EXPLAIN BOTH VIEWS.  
  
Many countries around the world stimulate adolescents to work in a part-time job because it is beneficial in many aspects. However, others think it is not necessary. In my view, I am neutral with both points of views and I will discuss more in this essay.  
  
On the one hand, myriads of people think that having a part-time job will restrain the efficient of the study in school. In fact, working will obviously take a lot of time, endurance and joy which will make the students exhausted and they will not have the opportunity to perform well in school. Furthermore, working maybe also creates pressures for the workers, which leads to stress, depression, and even sadness. Consequently, having a part-time job is not a suitable option for the students and they should spend their time enhancing their study.  
  
On the other hand, some of the groups think that a part-time job is really crucial for teenagers to have. First of all, a full or part-time job is not only provide salary, but experiences are actually the most valuable reward. In fact, studying is just a foundation to step forward to real life, but those priceless experiences are must-have if people want to succeed. For instance, learning those mathematically complicated formulas or those lengthy poems or even remember those events in the history is hardly open the gate of success. Knowing easy formulas like adding, subtracting, multiplying and dividing is essential, or maybe just little skills in communicating are enough for the foundation.  
  
In my opinion, both views are all needed for teenagers to manipulate into their life. However, I personally think that the way how people balance two activities is the most important factor. I mean they have to work in a part-time job and still study well at the same time which means they will also have the foundation and a little bit of the experiences. As a result, they could go far on their future.  
  
To recapitulate, having a part-time job could be a bright side or a dark side depend on how people arrange it at the right time which means it does not cost a lot of time, power, and do not create much pressure and stress.  
  
*(I'm sorry, the conclusion is quite not good I know :), can somebody fix it :( and make it better :) ! )*
Dear Khoa,  
  
... to work ~~in~~ a part-time job ...  
points of ~~views~~ view  
  
... and joy ~~which~~ so it will make ... well ~~in~~ at school.  
... pressures ~~for~~ on the workers, ... stress, depression, and even sadness (sadness<depression).  
  
... part-time job ~~is~~ does not only provide salary, but also experiences which are ... rewards.  
... forward to the real life, ...  
... learning those mathematical~~ly~~ complicated ...or even ~~remember~~  those events in the history ~~is~~ hardly open ...  
  
I mean (you're writing, not speaking) they have to work ~~in~~ a part-time ...  
  
To recapitulate, whether having ... could ~~be a~~ have bright side or ~~a~~ dark side ... arrange it ~~at the right time~~ which means it does not ..., and ~~do~~ does not create ...  
  
- Full of mistakes from grammar to vocab  
- You translated word by word from Vietnamese into English, didn't you?  
- It's an essay, not a speech.  
  
You should study hard and practice frequently.  
Have a good day!  
  
If "!!!" means "I'm angry", I'm so sorry. I'm studying to take Ielts exam and I frequently receive those kinds of feedback.
Hi, My name is Faza. Here i'm a beginner of english who want to study regarding IELTS.  
  
Please give me some feedbacks related to  
-Task Achievement  
-Lexical resource  
-Grammatical issue  
-Coherent cohesion  
  
Sincerly,  
  
## How to prevent the small business from collapse?

  
  
**Many small businesses are being forced to close because they are unable to compete with multinational corporations.  
What problem does this cause and how can those problems be solved?**  
  
the existence of unbeatable companies, selling their products internationally lead the number of smaller businesses to become bankrupt. Although increasing the level of poverty is the major problem of this cause, funding the start-up business properly could recovery their liquidity.  
  
Indeed, the high level of poverty is more likely to be an unavoidable problem, if small companies are powerless to survive with the multinational companies. The majority of people specifically in terms of low-income background would suffer from this cause because they lose their job. Taking the giant company in Asia "Astra" as an example, this company produces fuel-combustion vehicles and monopolize whole of small companies' consumers by fascinated feature and offer. Consequently, the small one collapse due to lacking profit and lots of people become jobless, the poverty level increase then. This results in people's welfare threatening, owing to the rising poverty's rate.  
  
How to prevent the small business from collapse? supplying the start-up companies with adequate investment would support the liquidity of the companies, avoid the possibility of poverty's increasing then. Some equity venture would be helpful for the companies' finance, if it manages the money appropriately for promoting purpose. The number of start-up businesses in America grows up significantly since it is funded by an organization gathered investors, so that the poverty's rate of America declines 0,4% each year because those companies open many job vacancies. Therefore, people's prosperity would incline.  
  
on the whole, although poverty's rate increase since collapsing small businesses would influence unemployment, investing in the start-up businesses could alleviate the problem jobless and reduce the poverty's level.
Hi, I think you did address the topic, but your essay was not very convincing and seemed quite unorganized and difficult for me to follow. It's unclear why having more large companies at the expense of smaller companies would result in higher poverty. Don't large companies hire as many workers? Don't large companies pay as much as small companies? Maybe not, but you need to examine these assumptions more clearly if you want your argument to be convincing. Furthermore, your example of Astra is not really the best. A truck or automobile company really has to be big. There are not really any small, "mom and pop" companies that produce cars and trucks because it takes so much capital to buy all the necessary machines and factories it takes to build such complicated products. Maybe a huge industrial bakery eliminating the local bread or donut shop would be a better example. And your solution seems very vague to me. Who would be in charge of this funding or investment? Why is this investment not already taking place? Don't big investors tend to invest in large, stable corporations? So maybe too much investment is the problem? Or at least the wrong type of investment? In any case, your solution is very vague and unclear to me. Here are some other specific suggestions.  
  
The existence of dominant {unbeatable sounds a bit odd in this context} companies, ... internationally,tends to lead to a number of smaller businesses going bankrupt.  
  
... is the major consequence of thisproblem ~~of this cause~~, funding ... could help them recover their liquidity. {"recover their liquidity" sounds pretty unnatural though}  
  
... to survive competition with the ...  
... specifically those with a low-income ... from this outcome because they would lose their job.  
  
... produces fuel-combustion {"fuel combustion" is wrong - maybe "internal combustion"} vehicles and monopolize ]the] whole of small companies' consumers... by offering exclusive features and offers. Consequently, the small corporations collapse due to a lack of profit ... jobless, thus increasing the poverty level ~~increase then~~.  
  
... welfare being threatened, owing to the rising rate of poverty.  
  
How to prevent the small businesses from collapsing?  
  
... the liquidity of these companies, avoiding the possibility of a resultant increase in poverty. Some equity venture {this is vague and unclear - why exactly do you mean?} would be ...  
  
... businesses in America has been growing significantly since they are funded by well-organized groups of investors, so that the poverty rate of America is declining 0,4% each ... Therefore, with a push for more investment in fledgling companies, people's ...  
  
On the whole, ... increase due to collapsing ...  
  
... the problem of joblessness and reduce the poverty level.
## taxes and tuition fees

  
  
Over the past decade, paying the taxes has become the forced for each citizen to develop society including parents of children who attend private schools or state education system. Although this may bring the unnecessary argument, paying taxes is the responsibility for individuals.  
  
On the one hand, paying taxes is unequal for parents who send their children to the private schools. In fact, the parents of children attend the public schools just pay the little tuition in comparison with that parents having children study in the private school. Such studying in independent schools, the tuition is usually sky-high while students in these school are not received any fund of the government. Besides, in spite of supporting the state education system, students in the public schools or universities are not forced to return to work for these after graduating. It would be to understand if these families should not be required to pay taxes when students of two education systems have same career opportunities, working conditions, etc.  
  
On the other hand, there are certain issues people need to consider. Firstly, calculating the correct amount taxes is difficult for government. With the complex process, determining exactly people' income as well as the tuition they invest in their children would violate personal rights. Also, people pay taxes not only for the education system but also public services such as calling the police or fire brigade and each citizen has responsibilities for common ground. In addition, if the wealthy families were given a tax discount for sending their children to the private schools, the poorer has to pay higher taxes than the rich.  
  
In conclusion, paying taxes is responsibility for individuals to promote society development notwithstanding the parents who send their children to private schools or families have children study in public ones. Depending on financial condition, people could choose the appropriate education system for their children.
Esther, I believe that you have done enough work in this essay to score around a 4 with it in an actual setting. The reason that I believe that this would be the score for this work lies in the way that you formatted the essay. The paragraph presentations are lacking transition sentences from the end of one paragraph to the start of the other. This limits the fluidity of the discussion and creates a choppy presentation.  
  
The discussion that you presented shows that you truly did your best to understand the full extent of the prompt you were given. Most of your discussions are on the mark in most instances except in the concluding paragraph. Rather than repeating your inquiries, you should be stating these questions as facts that require a proper response. For example, I would have said:  
  
*In the end, it is difficult to support the claim that the lessening of water usage in the apartment complex has resulted in lower water usage and better monthly bill costing for the developer. Unless the previous, current, and future water usage data can be compared, a solid claim based on this idea cannot be made. There also needs to be an observation period of at least 6 months when it comes to water usage in order to determine the actual water usage trend in the first 3 buildings....*  
  
I think that it is in this part of the presentation that yo have the most difficulty so you should consider paying more attention to and practicing the way that you write your concluding analysis of the GRE topics you use for practice.
## some child can become criminal in the future

  
  
***Topic: Scientists believe that by studying behaviour of 3 years old children, we can predict if that child can become criminal in the future. To what extent is crime a product of human nature? Is it possible to stop children from growing to be a criminal?***  
  
There has been some claims made by scientists that whether a child might commit the crime in the future or not can be predicted through analysing his behaviour. I totally disagree with this idea and I believe that measures can be taken to avoid children growing to be offenders.  
  
On the one hand, since human nature changes through the time along with the development of people awareness, wrongdoings cannot be attributed to one's personality. For example, a mischevous child could show unacceptable behaviour in his childhood but with guidance and education from family and school, he can become a paragon of virtue and a low-abiding citizen. Consequently, it is impossible for scientists to make accurate assumption. What is more, living conditions and environmental factors play a major role in deciding one's characters and how children may grow up. There is a correlation between crime and poverty. A child from poor family with constant exposure to violence is likely to conduct illegal acts.  
  
On the other hand, it is feasible to stop this problem. This can firstly be done by encouraging parents to spend more time with their offsprings, pay more attention to take care of their children properly. For example, parents can teach their children to distinguish between benevolence and malevolence. Secondly, shools should make crime education mandatory. Crime prevention should be added to regular lessons. Therefore, children will be aware of the bad consquences of misdoings and avoid them at all cost. Another solution is posing stricter punishments. As a result, children would abstain from any intention of illegal acts when being conscious of severe punishments.  
  
To conclude, I believe that crime is not by nature so scientists cannot jump to any conclusion when studying children's behaviour and actions can be taken to prevent children from growing into a criminal.  
  
*Please correct my essay  
Thank you so much*
You saw the word "extent" in the prompt instructions an immediately jumped to the conclusion that this is an extent essay. Never jump to conclusions. Read the full instruction sentence before you write your response. Had you read the instructions to the end, you would have learned that this is a direct response essay. As such, you are required to present single sentence responses to the two questions provided. The responses you indicate will outline the type of discussion presentation that is to follow in the reasoning paragraphs.  
  
Save for that mistake, your reasoning presentations are sound and shows that you have a thorough understanding of the topic and the background of the discussion. The references you made in your paragraphs show that you are capable of explaining yourself in English. While grammatically imperfect, the message of the paragraph comes across. Therefore, if you work on developing your English grammar skills, you should be able to show improvement over time. Improving your sentence grammar and presentation will definitely help to increase your overall score in the end.