dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## CAUSES AND SOLUTIONS OF THE RISING UNEMPLOYMENT RATE

  
  
The increase in the proportion of the unemployed, in automation and modernization age especially, is a formidable challenge to both job seekers and the society in general. This phenomenon is attributed to many related parties, such as the theoretical education systems, the discouraged economic policies,... There are, however, some practical solutions for dealing with this worrying question.  
  
To be honest, due to both subjective and objective reasons, the labour market is always in the lopsidedness. At the forefront of all, it is the theoretical education system that makes a thousand bachelors every year without employability skills. As if to exemplify, in almost colleges and universities, students are just taught in mere theory and take exams on paper so that they are less likely to conform themselves to real jobs' requirements. Beside that, the overpopulation, particularly in third countries, leads to a number of job seekers are far higher than that of available fobs. Last but not least, because of the development of science and technology such as automatic systems and artificial intelligence, which are being used to operate machines and producing processes, manual workers are more likely to lose their jobs. For example, robot taxi is presenting in some countries, which are developed such as, Japan, Dubai, Singapore, it predicts that taxi drivers will not available for human in several next years.  
  
There are some suggested solutions for tackling this problem. Firstly, administrators should reform the education system. School, especially vocational schools and universities, should give their students courses of career orientation and train them in reality working environment instead of theoretical learning. Additionally, governments, especially in third countries, should exert control on the rate of birth so that reducing the burden on their economies. Moreover, to decrease the percentage of jobless individuals, the management should make a chance and support finance to domestic skill employees to export for working abroad.  
  
To wrap things up, the rising unemployment rate is a crucial economic question that requires the collaboration of schools and governments for mitigating.
Mandy, are you writing an essay for an IELTS practice test or is this just meant to help you brush up on your English grammar and composition skills? There are a number of punctuation errors that can be found in your essay. For starters, you are using both a comma and ellipses in a single sentence. You cannot have both of those punctuation marks in a single sentence because these signify different sentence punctuation commands. A comma means that a connected sentence is going to be introduced while the ellipses are used to signify the omission of a word, line, or paragraph from a quoted statement or when space is made to avoid irrelevant context. That was not your intention in the essay since you started a new sentence after the mistaken punctuation marks.  
  
An essayist cannot say "As if to exemplify" because to say "as if" means you are asking a person to pretend and the word "exemplify" translates to "giving an example". One cannot say 'As if giving an example", which is what your phrase means. The proper wording would have been "Take for example" or "Consider as example", or other similar meaning phrases. If you are not sure about how to say something. I strongly suggest that you look up the proper presentation for the phrase first. Making such a mistake shows a lack of English language familiarity and word control. It reflects badly on your academic writing.  
  
Now, since you did not signify if this is a practice essay test, I will not delve into the possible problems that the essay contains in relation to any given English exam that you might be preparing for. If you are preparing for an exam, please make sure to notify me as to what kind of exam that is so that I can rate and consider the work that you are submitting accordingly.
@MandyTran  
Hi Tran, your essay impressed me with decent vocabulary in the introduction, but as I processed through the body paragraphs some problems became very noticeable:  
  
- Wrong uses of words.  
- Confusing sentence structures.  
I would also advise you to give out fewer points, along with more supporting detail. You included three causes and three solutions, thus making the essay 334 words while the conclusion was quite short and didn't "wrap up" your body paragraphs. I understand your intention to present as many ideas as you can, but you should rather prioritize and focus on the most important ones. I used to make the same mistake, but soon realized that it would leave little time for the conclusion.  
  
Here I provide some alternatives to your mistakes, bear in mind that this is based on my level, which is not advanced. I'm not English native anyway :/  
  
~~To be honest~~, due to both subjective and ...  
... system that makes ~~a thousand~~ *(you dont mean a specific number*) thousands of bachelors ...  
As if to exemplify, in ~~almost~~ most colleges and universities, (...) on paper so ~~that~~ they are less likely ...  
Beside that, ~~the~~ overpopulation, (...) of job seekers ~~which~~ are far higher...  
... to operate machines and producing processes *(???)*, manual workers ...  
For example, ~~robot taxi is presenting in some countries...[if/s] the dominance of robot taxis in countries such as Japan, Dubai and Singapore, has posed a threat to some drivers' professions in the upcoming time.   
  
... courses of career orientation and train them in reality working environment~~ provide on-the-job training instead of theoretical learning.  
... individuals, ~~the management should make a chance...~~ employers could offer opportunities and financial support for domestic employees to work abroad.  
  
~~To wrap things up~~ In conclusion, the rising unemployment ...
Hello every, Can you help me to fix my essay?  
  
## How to improve public transport?

  
  
**Some people think that the best way to reduce the number of traffic jams is to improve public transport.How could public transport be improved and to what extent do you agree or disagree with those people?**  
  
Many people believe that the ultimate solution to minimise the number of traffic jams is to enhance vehicles communally. In my opinion, I agree with that because of many reasons.  
  
Frist and foremost, The spaces of the road are opened by improving public wheels, for example, one bus's size equal six motorbikes size but the bus can take 45 people however the motorbikes just can take 12 people. The amounts of traffic congestions are lessened by expanding blank of the street. Besides that, the society is developed by boost mutual transits due to we will talk more when we are on the buses, trains, and planes.  
  
Second of all, the air pollution is decreased by update communal transport by cause of reducing exhaust gas. We will have a better life because we can breathe in fresh air. Many people, who don't have enough money to buy personal transportation, are helped by modern public transport, which will be improved. We will be safer by using urban vehicles because they run slower and more careful.  
  
Finally, The way some country update their communal transport is not good, for example, in Viet Nam, we decided to build the subway in HCM city to solve traffic jams but I don't think it can help us because it so late to develop subway system in 21 century. We have to update our public transport by the right way because it will waste a lot of money to build something can't be used for all.  
  
To sum up, I think to improve public transport is the best way to solve traffic jams because we have more blank in roads, the better society, and the better emotionally.
Hi there, in my opinion the 4th paragraph is really confusing. It doesn't go with flow.....  
I mean  
- First you encourage using public transportation by mentioning the advantage of emptying the road  
- Then you continue to discuss with another advantage that support public transporting  
- Lastly, you criticize the way some country imprve their public transport which doesn't really go with the other two.  
I think a way to fix it is to replace the preposition *Finally*  
  
Furthermore, I don't really understand why building the subway in HCM is not solving the problem, I think you should go in to a little bit more detail  
  
Lastly, the conclusion paragraph of the essay doesn't have anything to do with the 4th paragraph which make it even more confusing as if the 4th paragraph was not meant to be there  
  
Hope I helped you a little bit.
Phuc, there are a number of serious problems with your essay that has affected the possible final score that it can receive. While I will not give you a score in order to not break your spirit, I would like to call your attention to the problem areas of your essay. I will offer you examples of the problems and possible solutions as to how you can fix the problem. Let's start with your opening statement.  
  
The opening statement is the method by which you are judged regarding your English comprehension skills. If you are unable to properly represent the given discussion and instructions, you will end up with a low level TA score. In your presentation, you did represent most of the discussion, but we need a complete representation. When you paraphrase, you need to make sure that all aspects of the original are reflect in your version. Therefore, your presentation should have looked like the one below:  
  
*With the traffic problem continuously growing everyday, there have been some ideas that if the public transport system can be improved, the traffic problem might be alleviated. This has led to a discussion regarding the best way to improve the existing public transit system. I totally agree that the public transport system needs to be improved in order to help lessen the traffic problem for a number of reasons.*  
  
Did you notice the mix of simple and complex sentences in my presentation? Note the varied vocabulary? I even used synonyms in the presentation. The design of the paragraph is meant to expand upon the presentation of my English comprehension, vocabulary, and analytical skills. Create the perfect opening statement and you will get a very high score in the TA section. Get a high score in the TA section and the rest of the criteria will also be scored on a better level.  
  
One of the biggest problems of your essay is that is focuses on the traffic problem in your city, which may not be familiar to the examiner. You reference motorcycles that carry up to 12 people while they carry only 2 people in most parts of the world. Try to use more popular and easily identifiable references in your essay. Don't use country specific recommendations or examples as that may have a tendency to confuse the examiner who will then consider lowering your score.  
  
Make sure that you use English words that everyone can understand. For example, I have no idea what you mean by a reference to "... expanding blank of the street." What did you mean by blank? Does that mean something in the Vietnamese language? Remember, you should not be transliterating the words because what sounds right in your language may not translate properly to the English language.  
  
I won't even mention the problems with your concluding paragraph at this point because you already have enough improvements to make that are more important to your passing the test. If I see improvements with your next practice test, I will then focus on helping you to improve your concluding statement presentation.
Importance of Public Transportation  
  
With technologic developments, automobiles are getting more and more cheaper every day. So that, people use cars a lot then past. Using a vehicle can be seen comfortable for people. However, it has various negative effects on us and our lives such as; automobiles destroy the environment harmfully and using public transportation is a safer way to commute than using cars.  
  
The first negative effect of using cars is that vehicles destroy the environment. Protect to nature is so important for our children's future. If we do not save the environment effectively, our children will not have the world to live. For instance, if everyone continues to use 1 or more cars, devastation of the atmosphere will be huge. The atmosphere will fall, and our children cannot live. However, if we use public transportation, emulation will decrease more than 20-30 times. So that, our kids will live in peace future.  
  
The second negative effect of using cars is that public transportation is a safer way to commute than using cars because it is lead to less traffics and fewer accidents naturally. The traffic problem is the huge issue for urban cities. If we use public transportation, the traffic problem will be solved. Another sad problem is accidents. The reason of accidents is generally associated with driver's mistakes. Of course, these mistakes will be solved with self-driving automobiles future. However, we can prevent so many accidents, if people use public transportation today.  
  
In conclusions, the number of who using cars is increasing. However, it is lead us some issues such as destroy the environment harmful, accidents and traffic. If we want to live with good or peace or give our children good future, we should use public transportation and should encourage others.
The first *negative* effect of using cars is their harm on the environment. ----- I think you should replace *negative* with st else to avoid repetition)  
  
Protecting the nature is extremely important to our children's future.  
  
*If we do not save the environment effectively, our children will not have the world to live. For instance, if everyone continues to use 1 or more cars, devastation of the atmosphere will be huge. The atmosphere will fall, and our children cannot live.* ----...I feel a little bit weird reading this but I'm not sure how to fix it...  
  
However, if we use public transportation, the *emulation* will decrease more than 20-30 times. ---- It's a little bit confusing 'cause I don't know what emulates what...  
  
As a result, our kids will live in a peaceful future.  
  
This is just my opinions, hope it helps
Emin, please remember to post the complete prompt discussion that you were given for the practice essay the next time you post here. I have no basis for my review of your essay at this point. I do not know if you are discussing the correct requirements in the manner that is expected. Your essay leaves me wondering about certain scoring elements that rely on a proper TA score at the start, before more scoring is done in the remaining aspects. Your opening statement does not properly outline the discussion elements for the essay. Nor does it identify the actual topic for the reader's reference.  
  
When the TA is this unclear, it is almost sure that the student will not get a passing TA score, which will then jeopardize the rest of the scoring criteria, which could result in you failing the entire essay test. Even your conclusion can be deemed faulty as it closes with a hanging sentence in the paragraph rather than a concluding statement. This was caused by the continued discussion that was included in the last paragraph. You should have closed the discussion instead.  
  
Additionally, for an essay that requires you to give your opinion, you do not take ownership of the points of view in the essay. Using the first person pronoun is a requirement in this type of essay as you are being asked to focus on your opinion alone. That is, provided the partial prompt requirement that you posted is reliable and accurate. The assessment that I gave your paper is selective because the guidelines for its assessment is not complete. I will be able to deliver a better review with your second essay provided you give me all of the requirements for the essay review first.
Hello  
  
I think you should change something:  
... industry, are getting ~~more and more~~ cheaper every day.  
  
~~Protect to nature is so important for our children's future~~ I think it not suitable. l the atmosphere will be huge..  
... kids will live in ~~peace~~  better future.  
  
...to commute than using ~~cars~~  vehicles because it is ...  
The traffic problems are the huge issue .., the traffic problems will be solved. Another ~~[R]sad[/R]~~ problem is accidents .  
  
~~Of course, these mistakes will be solved with self-driving automobiles future~~.  
  
I hope it can help you.  
  
Minh Phuc
Hi Emin, your essay appears to be of low level, thus low band score for the following reasons:  
- Frequent grammatical mistakes.  
- Limited sources of vocabulary ( notice how you repeat negative effect, using cars, is a safer way throughout your essay).  
- Lack of academic tone .  
- Conclusion statement is quite confusing and which leaves reader hanging in the air.  
  
Therefore it is advisable for you to start from the beginning, if you wish to improve your writing:  
- Learn basic grammar rules.  
- Increase your vocabulary, find out synonyms for words and phrases  
- Read academic papers in order to understand the way they are written, thus applying to your own.  
- Learn to analyse questions to know what you should cover in your essay.  
  
Everybody starts somewhere! ^.^
## Oscar winners by genre film

  
  
The pie charts show the changes in the share of Oscar winners by genre film for 2003 and 2008.In general, thriller is the genre film that spent the most percentage of the proportion of Oscar winners in 2003 and 2008. But this genre got a significant decrease in the number of Oscar winners from almost half to a third of total Oscar winners. The least amount of the proportion of Oscar winners is comedy film at about 5 percent and in the same for 2003 and 2008.  
  
The action film is the genre that got a second position of the number of Oscar winners but it's has a steadily went up from 20 percent to approximately a third in 2008. The horror film had a slight decrease from 7 percent to over 5 percent in 2008.  
  
The other differences were Romance, Documentary and Science Fiction had a slight increase in 2008.  
  
*
Kien, your essay is missing the most important part, the summary overview. While there is no specific spot for you to place this overview statement, it is important that you place it in an obvious part of the paragraph setting. My advice is to place it at the start of the essay. The overview must contain specific elements which will help you meet the task accuracy requirement. The paragraph must contain:  
  
1. The topic for discussion  
2. The illustration provided  
3. The measurement criteria inclusive of the audience being recorded  
4. The discussion instructions  
  
These comprise the required outline discussion that will help the reviewer keep his place while reading your essay. What I outlined will need to be presented in sentence format within 3-5 sentences. The final sentence, should be a transition into the actual discussion. Only after this presentation should the paragraph that had specific information be presented.  
  
Create longer presentations in your essay. It has to be at least 3 sentences per paragraph. When your paragraphs amount to only single sentences, it signifies that you did not bother to truly analyze the image presented and you are just "winging it" in terms of presenting the obvious information. The task 1 essay is more analytical in presentation. So you need to make sure that you provide accurate information to the reader, who will have no idea what the image actually contains. So you need to be accurate at all times.  
  
I am wondering where you got the specific numerical figures for the essay because there is no indication of numerical data in the pie chart. You only have letter representations which you should have used in your essay. If the information is not in the graph, chart, or whatever, it should not be in your presentation because that makes your summary inaccurate in presentation. That is, unless you did not provide the complete information for review with your essay? Which will explain why you have specific numbers to refer to but I cannot see it in the file so I cannot assess the accuracy of your factual data.
## Wise choice of a job after study

  
  
Having a job right after graduation is one of the most significant achievements of every school leavers. However, it is not easy to seek for a job which meets their personal interests and needs, so policymakers have introduced methods to tackle such problem, assisting students to enjoy their jobs in a foreseeable future.  
  
On one side, introducing some mature-related courses is considered as a possible approach to help teenagers grasp the basics. These short-term courses will be taken by the experienced people. Then after the classes, youngsters will have a clear goal of the workforce and also receive a certificate to prove that they have fully accomplished. However, the length of the course might be short as cost should be kept at their minimum, thus students find it difficult to decide whether they like their future jobs or not.  
  
Another side is that being consulted before finishing education system is absolutely necessary for the graduates. To some extent, the adolescence finds it is hard to open their heart to strangers so asking for advice from people who they know well is more favorable. For example, students may ask their families or even the teachers to have a clear view about future jobs. Nevertheless, these people may not have enough experience to consult or give the suitable advice for teenagers, thus, this leads to time-consuming and ineffective.  
  
In conclusion, although the method of career advice sounds good, the headmasters had better conduct more practical courses and qualifications to let students be well-equipped before facing the difficulty in finding their ideal jobs.
Hanh, since this CAE test comes with a suggested discussion introduction, it would be best for you to present the complete discussion suggestion with your next essay. That way I can better assist you when it comes to creating your topic presentation and enhanced talking points within the written essay. As far as this essay is concerned, it would have been better if you had managed to pose a question at the start of the first paragraph which could have been used to offer your own prompt requirement for response in the essay.  
  
You have to work on developing your English vocabulary for use in this type of writing. While you did maintain an academic tone throughout, your essay has too many grammar problems for your presentation to be considered at a level higher than that of an intermediate user. In order to pass this test, you need to have a stronger vocabulary, more cohesive presentations, and an interesting topic for discussion.  
  
The work you created is a bit dry and not really interesting to read. The discussion points need to be more fluid, interconnected, and relevant to the reader. There is more room for development in your work. However, without the original presentation, I cannot show you how to do that. I promise to help you improve in that aspect starting with your next practice essay. That is, provided that you supply the complete information for the creation of the essay.