dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**The table below gives information about changes in modes of travel in England between 1985 and 2000**  
  
A comparison of alteration in means of transport in England between 1985 and 2000 according to average distance of person per year in miles is shown in the table. Overall, a huge number of inhabitants spent their furthest travel by car in both years while journey which used taxi was the shortest distance in 1985.  
  
To begin with, transports which had car engine traveled 3705 miles in 1985. At that time, local bus trip was 429 miles, which was lower about six times than car. Meanwhile, other vehicles had journey not more than 55 miles. In 2000, taxi and local distance bus had a significant increase and car experienced the same. Taxi increased by 29 miles while local distance bus witnessed higher three times than it was in 1985. Lastly, local bus decreased to 274 miles in the latest year.  
  
The rest of modes of travel had a short distance. People had walked not more than 260 miles in both years and bicycle declined slightly by 10 miles in 2000. Then, train and other transports traveled 239 and 450 miles respectively in 1985. In the next following period, those transports inclined by more than 100 miles.  
  
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Hi Miss Meireza..  
These are a few corrections to finalize your writing.  
  
a huge number of inhabitants spent their furthest travel  
*Before you upload your writing, you should reread yours to check the meaning of your sentence. I am sure that you had the different meaning between what you write and what you mind. It is a correct grammatically, but it is more important for the meaning.  
  
A LARGE NUMBER OF INHABITANTS SPENT MOST OF THEIR TRAVELS.  
  
Based on the grammar, you are free of the major errors. However, there were some things which you have to enhance. Avoid repetition. You have used many times for some words. It will influence your score in the lexical resource. Besides that, I ever told you that the good paragraph consists of at least 3 sentences. You should make more effort to add your overview to fulfill the criteria.*  
  
car experienced the same  
*Evade making vague information. I got meaning of the same for that sentence. You cannot get the higher score if you create the vague information.  
  
I wanna suggest you the way to get the high score. You should present the first sentence in the overview about what you want to review in the first body paragraph. After that, the second sentence in the overview is what you explain in the next body paragraph. It will seem systematic. The examiner will think you have been able to construct the paragraphs systematically. That is also the way to keep coherence and cohesion.*  
  
I believe you only wait the time to master this skill.  
Keep Writing  
GOOD LUCK
People sometimes face some problems during driving a car such as they have to answer their phone, in which this case frequently caused crashes. Since then, in-car tech has done a little to help their eyes on the road. People can use smartphones and GPS systems. However, Navdy, a new smartphone-connected, dashboard-mounted heads up display (HUD). Navdy comes to help people in the way they drive a car. Navdy plugs into a vehicle's diagnostic attachment, which strengths the unit during supplying speed and engine information. Then it connects to Android or iPhone devices via an application, which it is able to show driving directions selected from Google Maps. When smartphone alerts like text messages arrive, they shift into the field of view concisely, allowing drivers to interact or ignore them. The concept of Navdy that simply flicking down to teleprompter like display is much safer than when people are turning their head to look car's dashboard or center console. Navdy is sold as much $799, which includes delivery and installation. However, it has preordered as much $6 million then is followed by more than $20 million in investment capital. 189w  
  
Source: time
Writing Task 1  
  
The table depicts the percentage of students attending four various of secondary school from 2000 to 2009. Overall, it can be seen that the specialist, grammar and voluntary-controlled schools plummeted in quantities of pupils, while the community schools became the biggest percentage of secondary school attendance during the same period.  
  
Between 2000 and 2009, the proportion of pupils in voluntary-controlled schools experienced drop from over half to one in five. Similarly, the number of children in grammar schools only bellow one quarter declined by half at the same period. Whereas for the specialist schools, the rate of students attending was relatively small this type of school at 12% also decreased but not significantly at 10%.  
  
In contrast, while the other three various of school dropped in the survey, the opposite was true in the case of community schools. In fact, only a few number of pupils at 12% were educated by 2000. Moreover, the figure significantly rose over half of all students by 2009.  
  
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Hello! I will give you some opinions about your essay.  
  
(1) ... students attending **in** four various of ...  
(2) Overall, it can be seen that the specialist, grammar and voluntary-controlled schools*(avoid mentioning three categories in one time)* plummeted in ...  
***Overall, apart from the community schools, other categories experienced a marked decline in quantities of pupils during the same period***  
  
(3) ... schools experienced **a** drop from over half ...  
(4) ... was relatively small **in** this type of school at 12%**,**~~also~~**although it** decreased ~~but not significantly~~**slightly** at 10%.
***The table below gives information about changes in modes of travel in England between 1985 and 2000.***  
  
A breakdown of the information about the annual distance pace per person (measured in miles) in some modes of transport in England from 1985 to 2000 is presented by the table. Overall, all transport passed the longest distance in 2000 except local bus, in which car took the first position during the period.  
  
Firstly, car was recorded the most transport to be used by people. It was proved by the distance passed between 1985 and 2000 at 3199 and 4806 respectively. However, there was a slight increase in cycling and walking by 10 and 20 miles respectively in which walking's distance five times in size of cycling during the period.  
  
Meanwhile, public transportation had the long gap each other. Other modes were the highest achievement of driving, which showed a slight incline from 450 to 585. Local bus was the mode that experienced a declining from 429 to 274. It doubled of train's distance in 1985. However, train increased around 100 miles of distance. Taxi and local bus distance inclined three times and two times respectively from 1985 to 2000, which in the end, taxi was two times lower than local bus, at 42. All modes were recorded higher in 2000 by 1335 of gap.  
  
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***Modern technology is changing our world. This has advantages such as bringing people closer together through communication. It also has disadvantages such as destroying the differences between cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?***  
  
The development of technology has given some improvements in people's life. It can be seen that technology such as internet has connected people wherever they are. However, it becomes such attention since people argue that technology breaking the cultural differences. I totally agree with the first notion and take the reverse position in the second notion. This essay will discuss it further.  
  
Some people think that digital stuff gives bad impacts to the culture, since it may change the custom and heritage. From my point of view, technology can bring benefit to the cultures such as documenting the social life of culture, which future residents are able to watch that. This is backed up by the research from Kyoto University that some heritage and traditional people's life was recorded to be documenter movie. Some temples and statue were also preserved by using sophisticated technology during maintained the purity and were provided to tourists to know their culture.  
  
On the other hand developing of digital stuff has connected people, even they are separated by the continent. Since hand phone and internet have been a part of people's life, it can be a media of communication by using some applications. A study from Malaysian Tech Society resulted that a large number of overseas students in Malaysia barely felt lonely since they utilized phone apps like Skype and What's App to communicate with their family in their hometown every week. So, it proves that the latest technology has bring positive effect on citizen's life.  
  
To sum up, digital era has been changing our world. Even though people think that it disturbs the difference cultures. Nevertheless, I stand at the point to disagree with that notion and accept that technology make people close together by using some application to communicate without moving. 299w
**With the latest technological advancements, dating is now possible online. Would you recommend online dating for your single friends? What are the advantages and disadvantages of online dating? Site some examples to support your answer.**  
  
These days, by using the development of technology, people are able to date on the internet. However, it seems to me that I utterly against online dating owing to the fact that there are numerous bad strands that will turn out. This essay will first discuss the hardships to get sense of romantic and then talk about getting couple immediately, and the fact that people already have couple while they are using electronic dating.  
  
To begin with, I immensely disappoint if one of my acquaintances do online courting due to the fact that of course it is not real and there is nothing special on it. It just continues in short time and never survives until serious relation.  
  
First of all, there is a benefit for acquiring couple by using online procedure owing to the fact that, people are able to get lover instantly. They can do it in their home or wherever they are. For instance, findyourlove is one of hundreds dating online websites that everyone can access freely. My friend, Agus, only three days after using that site, he found new girlfriend. It is so amazing and very reachable in society.  
  
On the other hand, the drawback from online dating should be considered. Inhabitants can lie that they do not have couple while use electronic dating, because they never know their background and it is the first time that they meet. According to the story in the reality show TV program, Jubaidah, a participant, had been caught that she already had girlfriend when she was dating with Jono. The risk is extremely dangerous because the lack of information and never see before are the main problems from this relation.  
  
To sum up, in my view, I do not recommend my peers to try online dating, and the positive effect is that lonely inhabitants do need much time to get couple, and being tricked by someone is the consequences to use this program.
**Hello, Mr. Mardian Let me give you some Corrections :)**  
  
For instance, findyourlove is one of hundreds*=> missing article before noun {the hundreds}* dating online websites ...  
... after using that site, he found [the] new girlfriend.  
  
... while use electronic dating~~,~~ =>*unneccessary comma in complex sentence* because they never ...  
... that she already had [a] girlfriend when she was ...  
  
... someone is the consequences ~~to use this program.~~=> of using this program.  
  
Keep Writing and Good Luck :)
Methodically, a squad of robot patrols the muddy waters of Venice's lagoon. They use glide passed the gloom for seeking the quarry. Others are waiting for them on the settling floor to relay intel back to base. The robotic fasts them are developing are part of an effort to fissure one of the biggest challenges in the ocean: finding things. Learning from Malaysia Airlines flight MH370 that broke concisely after take-off in Kuala Lumpur airport in 2014 in which no one could not see the part of that crane underwater. That case may be headlines, but there are enormous reasons to improve the ability to search at the sea. Searching by human may face some problems and its causations. Robotic search could be the solution when the hard problem can be overcome first. They involved the sophisticated technology to explore Deep Ocean, in which they need human pilots and have to be regularly surface to broadcast their findings. Their scheme involves "mussel" robots that go down to the sea floor and act as a coordinating grid, staying afloat to the surface when they need to talk to a base station, then talk to the "fish" explorers among them to reduce the distance to allow signal travel. Then, the result is dynamic, slowly crawling, and seabed-exploring carpet. 216w
**The changes in Lakeside in 2000 and 2009.**  
  
A comparison of Lakeside circumstances in two different years, which are 2000 and 2009, is presented in the picture. On the whole, there were enormous changes in the Lakeside such as presence of new factories, education facilities, also the number of public accommodation. Meanwhile, the lake areas decreased until almost twofold smaller over those years.  
  
Starting from business need, in the initial year, the east side of lakeside was consists of industrial complex and inhabitants' resident, but for the following year, the number of factories inclined significantly and took over the residential area. Construction of shopping centre became the next improvement that also had to cut a plenty of people's home.  
  
In the north area, the number of residential area had not face changing. Meanwhile, art centre that usually used for entertaining people was replaced by cinema. During one decade, old town was destructed and for replacing it offices and educational place, a university, were built. Behind those areas, car park was constructed to replace derelict warehouse position. As the impact of the improvement, the lake changed to the pond because of decreasing zone, it saw approximately twice less than the initial survey.  
  
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*The changes in Lakeside in 2000 and 2009*
Hello,  
  
There is a little mistake i found in your essay, here they are;  
  
... industrial complex and inhabitants' resident >>  
based on the Cambridge Dictionary and Oxford Learner Thesaurus  
resident >> a person who lives or has their home in a place  
residence>> a house, especially a large or impressive one; the place where sb lives  
... of residential area had not face (face=V1; faced=V2 and V3 ) changing.  
  
Gluck^^~
The table reveals the percentages of scholars attending in four different methods of secondary schools from 2000 to 2009. Overall, it is immediately apparent that specialist, grammar, and voluntary-controlled schools decreased during following nine years, while community schools increased dramatically as the highest point of total students attending in 2009.  
  
Firstly, the proportions of specialist schools declined from 12% to one in ten from 2000 to 2009. Similarly, voluntary-controlled schools as the most favorite attendance-just over a half fell to a fifth in same period, and followed by grammar schools slightly below a quarter to became a small minority.  
  
On the other hand, community schools tended to be chosen by a majority of students more than a half in 2009, whereas only a small minority joined in this school in 2000.
helloo zlaf..  
**1. firstly please, attach your picture owing to the fact that nobody do know about your data if you do not do it  
2. try to write longer than now. at lease 150 word .. and yours just 131 word**  
  
... as the most ~~favorite~~favourite attendance-just ...  
  
... more than a half in 2009 while~~,~~~~whereas~~ only a small ...
Hi zlaf, here are my suggestion towards your essay  
  
**UNDERLENGTH**  
*in writing task 1, you have to create at least 150 words.*  
**UPLOAD THE DIAGRAM/TABLE**  
*people need to check your data, so you have to upload the diagram*.  
  
specialist, grammar, and voluntary-controlled ~~schools~~**school**  
*(.... and ......) before and after conjunction and must be equal*  
  
Firstly, the proportions of ~~specialist~~**specialise** schools  
*noun phrase. article+adj+noun*
**"In a recent citywide poll, 15 percent more residents said that they watch television programs about the visual arts than was the case in a poll conducted five years ago. During these past five years, the number of people visiting ..."**  
  
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument.  
  
The argument that the decrease in attendance at city's art museum results from corporate funding on public television omits some important concerns that must be addressed to substantiate the argument. When the corporate funding is threatened, the author anticipates the down-ward trend of visitors and proposes the method of reallocating fund to public television. This alone does not constitute a logical argument in favor of rising participants in city's art museum and it certainly does not provide support or proof of the main argument.  
  
To begin with, the author shows a close correlation between people viewing visual arts programs on television and people visiting art museums. This comparison is invalid. There is no evidence that the sample of participants surveyed on television program is the same like that in real museums. Those who attend the arts museum may not watch arts museum program before. And those who view television also may not visit the museum. Due to this reason, the above hypothesis makes the conclusion problematic.  
  
Secondly, there are many ways to improve the revenue of arts museum, not just the sole solution of reallocating fund to public television. The author does not present any proof of decreased attendance of museum due to limited investment in television programs. It is just anticipation. In order to attract many visitors to arts museum, services should be developed and interesting activities can be advertised on the Internet instead of only living art shows on television. Because of these reasons, the given method is not persuasive.  
  
Finally, according to statement given, the funding supporting visual programs comes from corporate parties, whereas state or non-profit organizations are not mentioned. The severe cut on corporate funding may not be large enough to affect the art broadcast. The author lacks a general view of current matter and just focus on only aspect of that. It puts forwards to an unconvincing assumption.  
  
Because the argument leaves out several key issues, it is not sound or persuasive. If it included the items discussed above instead of solely suggesting a solution based on flawed reasons, the argument would have been more thorough and convincing.
Quach, I know that the GMAT essays as scored in increments. However, I would rather just use the baseline scoring system for your work because I am not privy to the other considerations that the professional reviewers have when considering the final essay score. In my honest opinion, I believe that your essay would score with a baseline score of 3 but still lower than a 4. That is because the essay you developed has certain marked flaws that showed a problem in your ability to review the instant information that was delivered to you. What are your major problem points?  
  
For starters, you have to remember to use all of the key points that are delivered for your use in the prompt. In this instance, you were provided with actual figures regarding the attendance at museums and yet, you failed to properly utilize that information in the essay. The constant use of unsubstantiated references in your own discussion, while the references ti support some of your claims existed in the original discussion presentation is one of the weakest points of your analysis.  
  
Due to the weak analysis of the data provided, you were limited in your ability to develop a logical and organized method of presenting your ideas. This led to opinions and analysis that had little value in the overall consideration of your discussion. Adding the problems with sentence structure and variety further lowered the accuracy of your discussion. There were also issues regarding the grammar use in the essay. For example, using the term "living art shows" when you meant "watching art shows" changes the meaning of the sentence and the logic behind your statement.
A breakdown of the inhabitants' average distance of the transportation modes in England between 1985 and 2000 is depicted by using a table that is measured in miles. Overall, car was presented as the highest value, while the lowest was taxi. In general, it can be divided into three categories, there are vehicles that had tremendous, moderate, and tiny changes.  
  
To begin with, the most enormous change was shown by taxi that rose more than three times than before, from 13 to 42. Then, private car, which had the foremost number went up to more than 50%, from 3199 to 4806. It was followed by train and local distance bus, both had around similar raise.  
  
The second division were local bus and other which had distinct trend, although their change was moderate. While the local coach deteriorated moderately by 155 in 2000, other kinds of transportation mode went upward from 450 to 585.  
  
Lastly, it was represented by walking and bicycle. It can be seen that pedestrian only had different 18 miles in those two years, while less distance was shown by cycler that solely at 51 in 1985, and had the tiniest drop among all by 10 miles.  
  
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**Hi Faiz..  
I am gonna offer my thoughts to finalize your writing. Please, you review my notes.**  
  
car was presented as the highest value  
*Avoid describing the data like this. Briefly, it seemed meaningless. You should convert the data to words what have the meaning.  
THE CAR WAS THE MOST POPULAR VEHICLE USED BY CITIZENS IN THOSE TWO DISTINCT YEARS.*  
  
there are vehicles that had tremendous, moderate, and tiny changes.  
*I do not know why you categorize the kinds of vehicles to those categories whereas you did not review in the body paragraph. It did not matter if you divided those. However, you have a responsibility to explain your clusters in the body paragraph. Actually, there were a large number of trends which can become the general or interesting trend.*  
  
*Turning to the first body paragraph, I have not found the sentences which described comparisons. You failed to tackle the prompts entirely. I remember you again that our job in the writing task 1 is to compare the figures, not to display the data separately. It seemed uninteresting information. Besides that, you actually can make your body paragraph become tow parts, but you created three bodies. Keep in your mind that the good paragraph consists of at least 3 sentences. I suggest you provide more time to group. I believe you can describe the data more attractive if you wanna pay attention more to grouping. You can be easier to the construct sentence by sentence if you have had the clear group. It will become guide for you to make good flow as well. As many as you read the writing task 1, you will find the sense of writing and master this skill. You also prioritize to transfer the data the real circumstance so that it seems interesting to be read.  
  
Please, you review those so that you do not make the same mistake grammatically and contently.  
Keep Writing  
GOOD LUCK*