dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
@Thangnguyen315  
Hi there!  
  
Firstly, I find that the majority of your writing is well-composed. Despite this, I suggest that you can benefit immensely from attempting to diversify your writing techniques. Optimizing your essay will always help you have more space for substantive writing. If you can trim down the unnecessary portions of your text, you'll be able to focus more on the overall depth that you have.  
  
Aside from that, your observations are quite on-point. The analytical perspective of your writing is well-established, making your essay critical at best when it comes to interpretation of the graph.  
  
Observe this proposed revision:  
  
... countries in ~~terms of~~ total costs ... ~~Overall, t~~ The total expenditure ... In addition, ~~in all ... countries,~~ students spent ...  
  
It can be beneficial if you can omit portions that are already quite well-known or established even without dwelling into the specifics. Say, for instance, there's no need for you to constantly mention repetitions, especially if you were already quite explicit in the beginning portions of your essay. Learning to distinguish would definitively help you.  
  
Having a structure that's more dynamic also would help you. Look at this portion for example:  
  
... C went ~~on~~ to books , ... higher than ~~that~~ of students ... and B~~, with the figure of~~ with 3% and 9% respectively. In terms of leisure ~~purpose~~, spending of students from country B ~~spending on this category~~ accounted for 23%, ~~which nearly ..., at 12%~~ doubling the figure from country C at 12%; this was ... than ~~the ones from~~ country A with ...  
  
Best of luck as always in your writing.
## the top priority function of a construction

  
  
*When designing a building, the most important factor is the intended use of the building, rather than its outward appearance. To what extent do you agree or disagree?*  
  
Many people contend that the expected function of a building is of top priority, over its exterior display. Although it is irrefutable that the building should be employed at its best potential, I believe focus on only the use of a building is by far the best way to design one.  
  
On the one way, a building is indeed planned out and constructed for a purpose, not just to look at. People seek for practical ways to utilize a space in the most reasonable expenditure, so in some cases outward appearance may be overlooked. For example, that a number of people migrate from hinter land and settle in urban areas does put a strain on city amenity and cause a lack of housing, so high-rise apartment and office blocks or multi-story car parks, though give a city a shabby and chaotic look, are effectively solutions.  
  
On the other hand, I believe architecture is a significant form of art, thus function should not be the primary consideration when designing a building. Architecture and city planning can modify the image of an area. Therefore, it is imperative that sufficient funding be allocated to enhance exterior outlook of buildings, constructing places of interest and facilitate general infrastructure so as to foster tourism. In fact, lots of iconic constructions like the Eiffel Tower or Pisa Tower serve only one purpose as an architect symbol. Furthermore, a fascinating appearance of a building can instill a sense of pleasure to people. For instance, a well-lit and cozy head-office, a colorful kindergarten, an antique bookstore or a fancy fashion boutique are likely to stimulate people's creation and boost up some energy.  
  
In conclusion, while I accept that intended use of a building are important when designing, external image should be equally ponder on.
Hi there,  
I have some opinions about your essays. I hope it helps  
  
1/ Grammar  
  
There are some mistakes relating to grammar mistakes as following:  
- On the one hand.......... On the other hand => Those linking device should come together like this  
- ....believe **that** focusing on or the/ a focus of  
-.... people seek ~~for~~ practical ways => we have a structure: seek sth (according to Cambridge Dictionary)  
- ~~effectively~~ solution => effective solutions.  
...and some other mistakes that you might want to have a look at it.  
  
2/ I think you failed to response the task since the question is: " To what extent do you agree or disagree?", it's an opinion essay and your answer is to discuss both sides of this view.
@manhmoc  
Hello!  
  
I'll try my best to provide a substantive feedback on your essay.  
  
In regards to content, I think you have sufficiently expounded on the points present. You were able to elaborate the thoughts you had, focusing on adding examples to create firmer and more established thoughts and opinions on the matter at hand.  
  
When you're writing, you should always ensure that your formatting would be academically appropriate. You can always refer back to your grammar and/or English reference books to help you regards to this. If there are better and more concise ways to put a particular line, opt to do that than having loose and baffling details spread all over your writing.  
  
For instance, take a look at these revisions:  
  
..., a building is ~~indeed~~ planned ~~out~~ and ..., not just ~~to look at~~ for its aesthetics. People seek ~~for~~ practical ways to utilize ~~a~~ space in ~~the most~~ a reasonable expenditure, so ~~in some~~ there are cases wherein ~~outward~~ appearances may be overlooked. For example, ~~tha~~t a number ... land ~~and~~ to settle in urban areas, putting a strain on city housing; this is to be resolved with the usage of high-rise apartments. ~~does put a strain ... solutions.~~  
  
In your third paragraph, you can opt to remove the last sentence as the previous example regarding the Eiffel Tower is already sufficient for a concrete example of the matter.  
  
Best of luck as always!
Question:  
## When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration.

  
***To what extend do you agree or disagree?***  
  
There is a general thesis that salary is the most vital element of a job. Even though this opinion seems reasonable, however, to my own perspective, I partially concur with it.  
  
The magnitude of the salary is indisputable, as there are several benefits that a lucrative job could offer. Firstly, when choosing a well-paid job, people can purchase for their mandatory needs. Furthermore, not only can the high salary ensure workers a basic subsistence, but also provide them with disposable income. Therefore, people could take part in recreational activities by using that expenditure in order to recharge their battery. Apparently, having a remunerative job will raise people's living standard, as well as modify the working efficiency.  
  
However, despite the salary, there are other notable factors that should be taken into consideration, specifically, the number of holidays. Only when having numerous days off can employees recharge their battery after their hard work. If there is the insufficiency of holidays, the job will debilitate, as well as drain the workers. Consequently, due to a lack of holidays, people might experience some detrimental impacts on their health, such as stress, cardiovascular disease, and perhaps, death. For instance, it is reported that a significant majority of stakeholders in Japan and India commit suicide every year. Additionally, the stressful work, along with being lack in relaxation is convicted of mass suicide. Had it not been for the shortage of holidays, people's lives would not have been deprived.  
  
In conclusion, although the salary is an important factor in a job, its role is not exclusive. There are other factors, for example, the days off, which need us to take into account deliberately.
## the obligation to wear uniforms at a workplace

  
  
***Some companies have uniforms for their staffs, which must be worn at all times. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give your own opinion***  
  
Many businesses have required the staff to wear uniforms at all times. I think that while the primary benefit of the same garments is to promote a reputation, the increasing in forged uniforms to deceive people has been evaluated as the main drawback.  
  
The benefit of putting on uniforms is to produce a distinctive image in association with a company. Many businesses have formed their unique brand name through garments' colors and styles, which are worn by their staff at all time. As a result, the company becomes well-known and widespread as people recognize its uniforms. For example, most airline companies are famous for unique and formal uniforms wearing by its flight attendants, which distinguish one airline from the others. Despite this significant advantage, I believe that dressing in a company's apparel all the time would trigger some illegal activities in relation to fraud.  
  
With regard to criminal activities, forging uniforms concerning deceiving people are considered as adverse. Those who belong to business and wear its garments will provide opportunities for bad people to duplicate the clothes, and conduct a fraud, and this inevitable consequence contributes to the diminishing of cooperation's reputation. For instance, in 2017 in Vietnam, there was a case involving the Grab Bike Company that its uniforms were omnipresent which was unable to be distinctively, and people who wore these clothes tried to commit a crime such as a robbery. Therefore, I think that the staff ought to put on a company's garments only when they are on duty.  
  
In conclusion, although wearing uniforms can expand a firm's image, the adverse it would impact enormously on the company in terms of fraud; hence, uniforms are only suitable in the workplace.
@HanNguyen0510  
Hi there!  
  
Let me do my best to help you with your essay.  
  
First and foremost, I suggest the usage of more appropriate terminologies to help you establish firmer content. If you can, keep everything formal and informative. Doing this would enable you to have more of a directed focus in your content, creating more structure overall to work with. While opinions are generally acceptable in this level of writing, you should ensure that the delivery remains to be formal at the very best. Formality would help you curate more academically appropriate texts.  
  
Structure is also critical. Make sure that you abide by the formalities necessary to establish a grounded structure. This pertains to having smoother transitions between sentences/paragraphs, using the right sentence formats, and trying not to squeeze all of the information in small condensed patterns. Elaborate if you will - but try to maintain consistency.  
  
Observe the following revisions:  
  
~~The benefit of p~~ Putting on uniforms ~~is to~~ produces a distinctive ... ...formed their ~~unique~~ brand ~~name~~ through ... styles~~, which are~~ to be worn by their staff at all times. ... well-known ~~and widespread~~ as people ... ... for unique ~~and formal~~ uniforms ~~wearing~~ worn by its flight attendants, ~~which ... the others~~ distinguishing them from other airlines. Despite this ~~significant~~ advantage, ... apparel ~~all the time~~ would trigger ~~some~~ illegal activities ~~in relation~~ related to fraud.  
  
Keep in mind these comments as you are writing. Best of luck as always!
## Ielts essay about transportation task 2

  
  
**Topic: " Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads - To what extent do you agree or disagree?"**  
  
It is widely accepted that transportation plays a vital role in the development of a nation. Different governments have different approaches when it comes to investing in building transport facility. Some people may think that it would be better to spend national funding on railroads than on the streets, as they are more essential. While I agree that it is necessary to focus more on railways, I believe that governments should also pay some attention to roads as well.  
  
On the one hand, I think that railways are necessary to develop a country sustainably, especially electrical railroads. As they use less emissive energy and can carry a large number of people at a time, it can reduce the amount of pollution emitted into the air, and hence, save the environment. For instance, in Singapore, which is one of the top 10 cleanest capital cities in the world, 60% of its citizen uses the electric subway every day and the number of private vehicles is reduced as much as possible. Moreover, railways need only one-fourth of the space needed to build an average road, which means more houses, buildings, and even tree parks can be built.  
  
On the other hand, I believe that building roads is no less important, although less concern is needed to be paid. Even when the railway system is huge, it is still impossible to reach every corner of the city. Since roads are smaller and are easier to build, more people choose them for short routes. Additionally, roads are still needed as most products are transported in this way, including agricultural products and industrial products.  
  
To sum up, it is important to develop both kinds of transportation because of their own superiorities. However, railways should be prioritized in major cities because of its advantages, including saving the environment and the fewer space needed.
Hello, i have some comments and hope that it's useful to you  
In my opinion, i see that your introduction is quite long and maybe, it's unnecessary that you can focus more on the body.  
In the second paragraph, you give points, examples in a persuaded way but when i read the next paragraph, it's seemed like a shortfall.  
  
I suggest you should give an detailed example in a certain place to illustrate that using railways are not always convenient  
For example, in developing countries as Vietnam, there are many places that have not enough eligible roads for citizens...
Hi there,  
Your grammar and word usage are quite proper. However, there are some points that I found in your essay is inappropriate.  
  
1/ You don't need the first two sentences in your introduction paragraph since it makes your essay is too long (over 300 words), and it doesn't add any ideas.  
  
2/ This is an opinion essay, "Do you agree or not when...". Your answer is a discussion essay when you discuss both sides of the point of view, which failed you in answering the question correctly.  
  
3/ I think you should have stated an example in both the body paragraph, not just the first one.
## Tourists to England - LINE GRAPH (ACADEMIC WRITING)

  
  
*The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.*  
The graph demonstrates the proportion of people visiting 4 destinations in Brighton during the period of 1980 and 2010  
As can be seen from the graph,it is clearly evident that the patterns greatly differed over the time frame.While the number of tourists visit pavilion as well as pier tended to increase,that of festival and art galley had an downward trend.  
  
The percentage of visitors to pavilion went up steadily by 30% from more than 20% to nearly 50% between 1980 and 1995. But later this pattern dove steeply to around 35% and gradually declined to 30% in 2010.The percentage of people go to pier had some slight fluctuations then after 2000 there was a dramatic upward to more than 20% in 2010.  
  
An opposite pattern could be observed in the number of visitors to art gallery.As it reached a peak of about 40% in 1985 ,moreover the years 1995 and 2010 experienced a nonstop drop to approximately 10% .  
  
The proportion of tourists to festival remained relatively unchanged around 30%.  
( SOME QUESTIONS:  
-How can i make a comparision in this  
-Are there any word to use instead of "Proportion" or "percentage"?  
- Is it okay to use the phrase " the number of " in the "%" essay ?  
  
*
## is it better to have many jobs in life or not?

  
  
**The idea of having a single career is becoming an old fashioned one. The new fashion will be to have several careers or ways of earning money and further education will be something that countries throughout life.**  
  
Nowadays, having many jobs in life is seemed to be a trend while having only one job is something old-fashioned. However, some people give some different arguments to this problem.  
  
On the one hand, receiving several careers brings many advantages about experience, money and even soft skills. In the world with quick growth speed, dynamic and energetic young generation has motivation to explore new experience in many fields. Besides, they also get some lessons to support their fledging ability as community, time-management,... It's obvious that money is the biggest thing people care about. The more careers you change, of course, the more knowledge you have to choose which job's salary is better.  
  
On the other hand, there are a lot of reasons that make people chose having only one job in their life. Firstly, the job settles down their life with a stable salary or increasing gradually from period one. Secondly, as status quote bias in economics, they have no interest in changing their work environment their relationships around, even though the benefits are clear. In developing countries, ancient conception said that women should find a fixed career for their whole life to spend time taking care of the family and children.  
  
In my opinion, I believe that experiencing various careers in our life helps ourselves realize what is really suitable for us besides benefits we can get above. In conclusion, it depends on private views whether a single career or several careers is better but each one has own special feature for people to consider.  
  
Thanks for reading, please give some comments to support me. I'm so grateful
Hi there,  
I have some opinion about your essay, and I hope it helps.  
  
1/ Grammar  
...having many jobs in life seems to.... => Avoid using passive voice when it is unnecessary  
- the dynamic, the motivation,... => perhaps you want to have a look at articles in your essay  
- ....chose ~~having~~.... => to choose + Obj + To - Inf; To choose sth/sb from/ between sth/sb.  
  
2/ The content of the essay  
  
- Introduction: Not sure about your introduction since you didn't write the question of the topic (Discuss both views, or advantages and disadvantages)  
- I think you convey so many opinions in your paragraph and none of them is fully developed. For example, you mention experiences, money, soft skills, time-management, etc. You have plenty of ideas, and I think you should select one only and develop it by giving more detail about the information.  
  
- You need to include examples in your writing to demonstrate your ideas, too.  
- I don't think it's a good idea to put the opinion and conclusion in the same paragraph.
Remember that u should write the prompt of the essay so the readers can easily check and correct it for u. But as i can see from your essay, they could be " discuss ".  
  
First, the layout is so wrong, your opinion should not be placed in the conclusion.  
The intro is also wrong too, if this question is bout discuss and give your opinion, i think u should restate it in your introduction, i once have Maria fixed this so i always write like this when i meet this kind of question: "This essay will discuss both perspectives and give my own commentary", i think this is a good one because it is so brief, short, and simple but full of contents!  
  
That's not all, your selection of choosing words for this essay is poor, there might some good words when u add in the example, but there are some words u dont fully understand it and u use it in your essay which make the readers confused like "receiving" and more.  
  
DO NOT WRITE THIS WORD, EVER, NEVER WRITE THE WORD "thing", your score will be struck down so hard that even BIGGER than my capital words :), because it is BELOW than informal u know :V.  
  
And if u want to achieve higher score, instead of using " a lot of ", "lots of", try some thing new and find it on Internet because what i gonna show u is not really qualified :): "tons of", "myriads", "many", "numerous" and so on.  
  
Sorry if u feel too strict this in comment :), i was doing that for fun and of course TO MAKE U REMEMBER :V :D. Hope u do well in the next essay :).
## Writing Bio/Profile for the Web

  
  
Write your profile for the website of a club you belong to. Write three sentences. Write about:  
  
Your name and age  
Your work or studies  
Your interests  
  
My name is Nguyen Minh Quan and me 18 age  
I am a student studying at Quy Nhon University, foreign language department, English studies.  
I like playing football in the afternoon daily  
I very want to join everyone's club.
## internet instead of books

  
  
**In the past, knowledge was stored on books. Now, knowledge is stored on the internet. Do you think its advantages outweight disadvantages?**  
  
Nowadays, lore is kept in the internet instead books as before. In my opinion, this statement bring more benefits than drawbacks.  
  
First of all, maintaining the lore on the World Wide Web would be better to store for new generations in the future. It is undeniable that the internet has the huge storage capacity that can save the knowledge in a long time while the books are damaged over the time and the writing on them may be faded. For examples, documents from the past dynasties have been damaged and omitted a lot. In contrast, the innovation of modern technology makes web sites grow up but it will be hard to lose. Large and long-term storage capacity of the Net is a great help for mankind.  
  
In addition, people have extremely diverse sources of knowledge and cost savings thanks to the storage of knowledge on the Web. In particular, the cost of a book may be more expensive than internet access in a month but the content of the books usually only includes characters and images. Moreover, knowledge sources on the internet include videos and records with a full range of life areas such as economy, culture, politics and society, so on. With regard to exclusive books, today's readers can buy directly by creating a separate account on the publisher's website. This makes storage and usage significantly improved because people do not need to bring many bulky books to school or work, just bring their laptops and smartphones.  
  
To sum up, the advent of computer network helps to store large amounts of knowledge effectively without relying on traditional paper books. This not only makes it easier for people to access knowledge, but also saves the cost of buying paper books.  
  
P/s: Hope to hear your opinion about my essay! Many thanks my friends.