dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## obese, those with ideal weight and underweight people in Charlestown

  
  
*Writing task 1:Topic: You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The charts summarise the weigh...*  
  
The bar charts illustrate the rates of weight assessments of residents in Charlestown versus aging in 1955 and 2015.  
Overall, from 1955 to 2015,ideal and underweight experienced a downward trend in all age groups. Meanwhile, overweight and obese showed a strong upward trend.  
  
Regarding ideal criterion, it generally decreased with aging. In 1955, ideal weight hit the large-point around 70% in group 20-29 whilst other age ranges were lower and fluctuated roughly between 50% and 60%. Compared with 1955, the downward trend became more clearer in 2015. Specifically, the range 20-29 remained steadily about 70% and then saw a sharp decline especially in group 60-69 when it got approximately 5% which is only one tenth compared with it in 1955. Underweight also showed a similar trend which was went down with time but had fluctuations between age groups. It was worth noting that underweight in working age decreased and almost got 0% in 2015.  
  
In terms of obese, it is obviously seen that obese increased with high speed with both time and age. In 1955, obese did not exist at the age under 40 and only registered the biggest rate which was 10% in group 50-59 but it got 5 times as big as in the same age range in 2015. Similarly, overweight generally had an increase especially in three groups 30-39;40-49 and 60-69. They respectively got 20%; about 20% and about 5% in 1955 whilst in 2015, the results were 45%;roughly 35% and 25%. There was an exception for overweight rate in the age range 50-59 when it went up marginally.  
  
*   
*The chart*
## financial help for developing countries?

  
  
**Question:** Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
  
**Essay:** Nowadays it is usual practice for wealthy nations to offer financial aid to their poorer counterparts, but unfortunately, this proves an ineffective method in the combat against poverty. As a result, some would argue that said countries should offer other forms of assistance rather than money; and while this and my thoughts concur partially on the need to give various types of help, I firmly believe that they should also be accompanied by financial assistance.  
  
As a matter of fact, most of the money received in the aforementioned donations is initially distributed to many departments of the governments, prior to actually reaching the hands of poor families. The presence of corruption in developing countries, namely those in the Middle East, although covered by layers and layers of deception, is somewhat undeniable. Therefore it is vital to offer various types of assistance, including political analyzation of poor countries' governments and appropriate suggestions, to ensure an effective movement against poverty.  
  
However, without the appropriate funds for developing countries to make the necessary changes, other forms of help cannot be pushed to their limits. For instance, financial advice is of little value to those who have no money to spend. What's more, ensuring that the donated money actually reach poor families is undoubtedly pointless if there was no money available to distribute in the first place. Financial support might not be well spent by the recipient governments, but its nature will be best incorporated with other types of assistance.  
  
In conclusion, I admittedly believe that other forms of help are required of first world countries to offer to the poorer nations of the world, but I am also of the opinion that they should always be attended by financial aid in order to rid citizens of poor countries of their miserable conditions.  
  
*I know I had some serious reasoning issues with this essay, and I spent a little too much thinking time on this, which all resulted in more panic time for me. Please give me feedback on this and some suggestions for me to think faster and write a comprehensive plan in ielts writing task 2; I think I have some issues with thinking up points for the task and to support it appropriately.*
Hi hphuc123, sorry for my bad english, would you mind tell you are on which side (agree/disagree)? Is it because you find hard to generating the idea for either side so you choose the balancing approach?  
  
As I believe the IELTS writing test is aim to let us show the examiner the capability of using writing english to communicate, so there is not necessary to present an complicated ideas/points/facts/examples.  
  
Re the question you just post, what if:  
On the agree side - that save government reserves for local welfare purpose / the rich cannot fund/feed the poor forever / to create the job opportunities for the developing countries / cheap labour also beneficial to the host country...  
  
On the disagree side - less interfere on other countries ... sorry can't think any, maybe hints already there in the question "Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty." <- the question itself query about the effectiveness of just financial aid.
Hoang, the problem you have is that you tend to begin your discussion in the first paragraph when you should only be summarizing the prompt, based on your own understanding, in that particular paragraph. If you learn how to look for the keywords in the original discussion, you will begin to figure out how to write your prompt restatement in the shortest but clearest possible manner.  
  
In this discussion, the keywords and phrases are: Rich countries, give money to poorer countries, does not solve poverty, developed countries, other types of help, rather than financial aid, extent, agree or disagree. Based on these keywords, the following restatement can be created:  
  
*Affluent nations support impoverished nations. However, the aid does not resolve the problem of destitution in the country. That is why a suggestion has been made that other types of assistance should be given to the poor nation to resolve the problem. I partially agree with this suggestion.*  
  
Now, in your essay, you don't really explain what sort of alternative solutions are being suggested that makes you think that such a move will not be able to help the indigents of the country. You over discuss the main topic. You need to make sure that you always refer back to the original prompt as a reference point. That will help you to not over discuss the topic or stray from the topic discussion. In this essay you strayed from the original discussion and you lost your focus in the presentation.  
  
The other way of thinking about this prompt would be: If you agree that there are other ways to help poor nations, how would you do it? Aside from financial aid, what other ways can be implemented to help poor nations?  
  
When you write your outline try to use the following format:  
  
Keywords / phrases  
My response  
Reason 1  
Reason 2  
Reason 3 (optional)  
Concluding summary  
  
Use only keywords in the outline. Think of what you want to say, but don't fully develop it yet. Just write the topic and related keywords that you want to discuss in that part of the paragraph. When you finish outlining, you can draft the paragraph bodies. That is when you write a more detailed version of the outline in complete sentences in a paragraph format. This should take no more than:  
  
10 minutes - Read and understand the original prompt, find keywords / phrases in the original discussion, outline discussion and reasons  
20 minutes - Write the draft essay (1 topic per paragraph, 4-5 paragraphs with 3-5 sentences each)  
10 minutes - Editing, proofreading, finalization  
  
Time total: 40 minutes  
  
This is the format I train my students to use and they always find great benefits in doing their work this way. Writing this paper will be difficult for ESL learners because it is pen and paper based so manual corrections have to be done in terms of having to manually erase your mistakes before correcting them. That is why you should use a pencil for this part of the test. If you can quickly outline your essay, you will be able to focus on giving thought to and writing a proper draft essay with enough time to do a quick edit before submission.
Hello,  
I'm on holydays and I am taking advantage of them practice English. Could you help me to check this writing, please?  
  
## WHY SCIENCE IS SO BORING AT SCHOOLS?

  
  
Nowadays we can watch students get bored during science lessons at school. If science lessons are more interesting, students will learn better science topics, they will be more interested in studies and they will love science lesson.  
  
If science lessons are interesting, students will be more concentrated, consequently they will learn better the science topics. That's very important because nowadays all most students study only to pass the exams and get a good exam note, but they aren't interested in learning the lessons to use them in the future. People know that students forget 80% of knowledges got in class, I think if lessons are more interesting students are going to remember better the lessons.  
  
If students learn correctly science lessons the country may achieve a high technological development soon. That's why it's important teachers do an effort to make science lessons more interesting. However, it's also important, students try to pay attention during class.  
  
When students are very motivated they want to learn new topics. Interesting science lessons could motivate students to study more and to find a passion for science.  
  
In conclusion, it's important science lessons are more interesting to motivate students to study sciences. We need to do that if we want a developed country.
Hi Alexis. I am happy to meet you at this forum and I admire your desire to improve your written English skills. You have the potential to write in a coherent manner at all times in the language, even though your vocabulary is not at strong as it should be at the moment. Don't worry though, familiarizing yourself with the language through constant reading and watching of English programming should help fix that problem for you.  
  
As far as this essay is concerned, it was interesting to read the later part. The earlier part lacks information to make me care or understand why this topic is important. One way to improve this essay would have been for you to present the reasons that you believe cause the students to find learning about science at school to be boring. What are the reasons they are bored by Science classes?  
  
Additionally, you should also make suggestions regarding how Science classes can be made more interesting for the student. What activities can they undertake? What should the teachers do to make the learning process more interesting to the student? More importantly, how can the teachers explain the importance of Science to students in a manner they will remember and understand?  
  
Overall, you have presented a good draft. It has room for improvement. When you write more practice essays, think about the arguments and opinions involved in the discussion of the topic. Use a few of those ideas when you develop your essay. Then come back here to have your work reviewed. It is the best way to develop your English writing skills.
## patients in emergency care hospital

  
  
**The chart below shows figures for attendances at hospital emergency care departments in Northern Ireland by age group in December 2016 and December 2017.**  
  
The bar chart depicts the number of patients, divided into 6 age groups, attending hospital emergency care departments in Nothern Ireland in December 2016 and December 2017.  
Overall, there were far more patients who need emergency care in the 75-and-over and under-5-year-old age groups compared to the other. It is also worth noticing that over a year, the quantity of attendances increased by an insignificant number.  
  
Regarding the patients who aged 75 or above, in December 2016, the number of their attendances at emergency care departments was roughly 65 per 1000-population. This grew to 70 people in the same month next year. The hospital visits from under-5-year-old children increased from about 50 in December 2016 to around 54 per 1000-population in December 2017. Both age groups had double cases compared to the remaining groups.  
  
With respect to people between the ages of 5 to 74 years old, it is clear that 5-to-15-year-old age range had the fewest cases at hospital emergency care departments. There were around 20 visits from this age group in December 2016, while in three other age groups, the quantities of sick people attendances were nearly the same, approximately 30 per 1000-population. These numbers experienced a minimal upturn of only 1 throughout the period.  
  
*   
*Attendances at emergency care departments per 1000-population*
Moon, there is absolutely no way that you will be able to write 222 words in the exam center. The most you can probably write is 175-200 words owing to the need to review, revise, and finalize the essay content. The editing process should take at least 5-10 minutes of the final part of the allotted essay writing time. If you write too many words, you will run out of time. While you did present only the important information from the chart, you need to learn to write shorter but more meaningful sentences in order to increase your TA, LR, and GRA scores.  
  
Your summary overview is not as complete as it can be. It should contain the following information:  
1. Illustration type - Bar chart  
2. Years for comparison - December 2016 & 2017  
3. Measurement type and other survey considerations - per 1000 population , divided into 6 age groups ranging from under 5 years to over the age of 75.  
4. Discussion instructions  
5. Trending statement - I do not think you mean to use the term insignificant because that term means too small or unimportant to be worth paying attention to. Perhaps you meant to say "significant" instead? That term means worth of notice or highly important. In which case, you should have given a numerical description of that significant number.  
  
As you can see from the listing, you are missing 3 parts in the presentation of the summary. I am also wondering as to where the information about the measurements coming from Northern Ireland comes from because there is nothing indicating a location in the chart. Therefore, a generic location should have been given as reference. An example of a generic location is "at an undisclosed / unnamed hospital". That makes better sense in terms of TA considerations rather than naming a location that is not in the chart. You are scored on accuracy so if the information is not in the chart, you should not mention it at all.  
  
In the portion where you said that there was an upturn of 1, you need to indicate what that number represents. The reader doesn't have a copy of the chart so you need to explain why you analyzed an upturn of 1. Where did that uptick come from? Complete the analysis of the information in that paragraph.
## COMPARISON OF TEAM AND INDIVIDUALS IN SPORT

  
  
It is the truth universally acknowledged that the beneficial of team sports are more than individual sports. While some people agree with this statement, others believe that individual sports are more benenificial than team sports. In this essay, both views are discussed.  
  
On the one hand, the manin advantage of participated in team sports is the development of team work skills. In other words,in the environment of team or group sports, each member of the team must co-operate together. The co-oparation is the best way to train team work or organization. In the fact that, in big companies or businesses, they train to staff by how to work together not independent . It is obvious that taking part in team sport are great lessons to learn team work.  
  
On the other hand , individual sports may also be beneficial becauce it can help players become self-confident and independent.When participating in individual sports such as swimming or tennis , people need more personal skills than collaboration with others. Therefore, people who play individual sports can easily built up leadership style. Obviously, becoming independent person is huge of benefit of playing personal sports.  
  
In summary, both team sports and individual sports can bring certain benefit to players. Accordingly, each peson is supposed for the kind of sport that is the most suitable and beneficial to players
Hi @bichnguyen, any chance to post the question as well? From your essay it seem that it is just discuss both views.  
  
Hope that I can help.  
  
<- if it is **universally acknowledged** then there is no point to make any debate I'm afraid... unless is it you to paraphrasing the question itself  
  
..., the manin (main) advantage of ... sports is this allow the development ... together to achieve goal.  
  
In the fact that (In fact), ..., they train ~~to~~ their staff ~~by~~ on how to work ...  
  
Therefore, people who play... (it sounds to me that playing as a team will get you skill on lead the members rather than the single)  
  
Obviously, becoming independent ... (do you mean the main advantage of playing personal sports is to make someone more independent person?)
**The number of old people are increasing in many countries. Some people think this cause problems, while other think old people play an important role. Discuss both views and give your opinion, include examples.**  
  
## more and more elder people around

  
  
In many countries, there is a significant increase on number of elder citizen. Some people raise their concern of that to bring negative impact to the society such as the increase of financial burden on tax payers. While others treat elder people's skills and experiences as a vital resource for many of startup companies. In my view, old people are still capable for many positions than just as the baby sitters at home.  
  
It is true that many societies had suffering the problem of drop on revenues and raise on expenses which is the result of unbalancing of population of older and younger genders. As the number of old people increase, they will trigger the demand of government spending such as medical, retirement resubmissions and social welfare. This lead the taxpayers to pay more to maintain the healthy budget level. For example, in Hong Kong, as a cost of medical and social welfare had continually increased year by year, there is a voice on collect more tax from business sectors and workers to ensure the government to get sufficient earns to pay the debts.  
  
Instead of seeing elderly as a burden to the society, people are trying to explore the potential of the elder generation and successfully converting those to the beneficial effect of the business and country. It is no doubt that elderly got several identities that hardly found on the generation this day. For instance, the experiences of the industry they acquired in the past will be a good advice for many youngsters who work in the same business.  
  
In my opinion, elder and retired people can still be able to re-enter to the workforce in a different position such as consultancy or advisory. For example, in Hong Kong, a group of retired professionals form an organization aimed to provide numerous of services for the startup company. They called themselves the "company doctor" and they are helping significant of small to medium corporations on different areas such as financial, funding and marketing. And it is clearly the prime example of how vital to the country of having the contribution of old people.  
  
In conclusion, the increase of old people could be the burden to financial system to the city in a way that it raise up the spending on the government. However, elder generation still be the advantage to the society for their abilities which be of precious resources to amount of companies.
@smally01, while I admire your desire to write so many English words to help increase your LR and GRA score, writing 407 words is unrealistic in a pen and paper exam room setting. Specially when you only have 40 minutes to outline, draft, review, correct, and finalize the content of your paper before submission for scoring. You should not write more than 275-300 words for this essay. Personally, I have always told my students that writing 275 words at the most allows them to have enough time to apply edits and changes to the content at the end of the drafting process. The same should apply to you. Remember the most basic rules for successfully writing a task 2 essay:  
  
1. No more than 3 body paragraphs  
2. Do not discuss more than one topic per paragraph  
3. Do not write less than 3 but no more than 5 sentences per paragraph.  
4. Do not present new ideas for discussion in concluding paragraph. Just summarize the essay and present a closing sentence to end the discussion.  
  
Do not present information in the opening paraphrase that is not included in the original prompt such as  
  
Some people raise their concern of that to bring negative impact to the society such as the increase of financial burden on tax payers. While others treat elder people's skills and experiences as a vital resource for many of startup companies  
This is not a direct question essay. It is a comparison with personal opinion essay so the actual discussion of facts and reasons should only be done within the 3 body paragraphs. The opening paragraph should be used in the manner it is intended for which is the paraphrasing of the original prompt, without changing nor adding information to the discussion. The same rules apply to the mistake that you made in the concluding paragraph.
@Holt thank you very much for your comment. It is my bad on trying to tell readers what's on my mind, but eventually without having proper technique on handling the language make my sentences bulky... I underestimate the power of language and I can't handle it well (or even properly)  
  
It is so true that I will not have enough time if I were in the real exam with that question and giving such the answer... In fact I was by chance attended the IELTS exam. And to be frank I only get 5.5 for the writing (General Training). It sound to me it is impossible to do all (generating idea, forming outline, making draft, proofread it, correct it) in that 40 minutes time, especially you are sitting in the exam hall. Last time I was only hand out my works without and proofreading or correction...  
  
Anyway, thanks for your time and please be with us on that tough battle of english learning (to me it is too difficult).
**The chart illustrates the travel tendency in the winter in the United States between 1999 and 2003.**  
  
## trips in the winter season

  
  
It is noticeable that the American tend to travel fewer trips for work and more for relaxation in winter occasion. We also can see that the number of winter leisure travel is far more than that of winter business travel.  
  
In 1999, approximately 40 million people traveled in the winter with working purpose in the United State. The figure gradually fell to just over 30 million in 2001 and then remained stable until 2003. By contrast, winter leisure travel's numbers just stood at around 150 million in the first 2 years, before remarkably rose in three years after, reaching a peak at about 164 million person-trips in 2003.  
  
The gap between the number of winter trips for business and for relaxation was more and more widen over the period shown. In 1999, the number of winter leisure trips quadrupled that of business ones. Five years later, the gap significantly extended to be 5.5 times, corresponding with about 134 million trips.  
  
*