dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
@ifraanisa05  
~~Giving~~ Providing ~~the~~ education ~~for~~ to children can be ~~are~~ divided into two perspectives**:**Some people think (...) others believe that ~~children are necessary to go to school~~ it is beneficial for ...  
  
... that both ~~of the ways~~ can be advantageous ~~give the advantages~~ to children but ~~in different point of aspects~~ differently.  
... problem by themselves ~~whereas children~~ while those at school should ~~take the advantages~~ gain through (...) fostered there ~~which they will obtain there.~~  
  
I tried to improve your sentences grammatically and logically in just first para. You are getting too repetitive... like saying Children again and again. Pay attention to your syntax and structure and you can edit the other para's on your own. Last tip: don't use ALL IN ALL while concluding, it is boring way to conclude a sentence try stating your opinion as you mentioned in first para with some different words and avoid To conclude or Conclusively in the end.
88 % of the children at ...  
  
You've used the words "skills" and "communities" way too much at the secord para of you essay. Try to use synonymous like abilities and teams/clubs.  
  
feel the different way of advantages... - can experience different kind of advantages.  
  
the empty room - remove the "the"  
  
As zumbastrol have pointed out, your essay sounds too repeatable at times. Another thing that is worth mentioning is that, you've made a lot of mistakes with the usage of "the". Try to improve this part of your writing.
There is improving in the ability of google translate. Google Translate currently supports 103 languages and translates over 140 billion words every day. Now, it becomes smarter. It is because Google has extended its system so that it can handle multiple pairs - and it can translate between two languages when it hasn't been directly trained to do so or known as neural translation. Neural translation technology can already do a good job for simple texts. However, a good human translator understands the meaning of the source text, as well as its stylistic and lexical characteristics, and can use that knowledge to give a more accurate translation.
Hi Meireza, here's another one from my end.  
  
- There is ~~improving~~an improvement in the ability of google to translate language .  
- ~~Now, it becomes~~It became smarter.  
- Neural translation technology can ~~already~~ do a good job  
- ~~for~~from simple texts.  
  
There you have it Meireza, overall, this particular summary has been well composed, just a few modifications to be done as shown above and for future writing reference, try to practice this, read your sentences out loud and when you think or hear your sentences and something or some parts of the sentence doesn't seem to sound good, this means the re is something wrong with the construction and therefore, you have to take action, the best example for this is the first sentence in this summary and as you can see, it looks a lot better and it compliments the idea that you are trying to convey to the readers. Keep writing.
**Agree or disagree with the following statement .  
Standardizes tests like the TOEFL provide sufficient information to determine whether students should be admitted to a college or university.**  
  
Many students want to continue their education not only in their country but also in the international foreign universities and for this purpose they need to pass TOEFL, IELTS or some other examination. These are standardizes tests which help to ascertain where students can enter , universities or colleges . I agree with this statement because of the following reasons . it checks the essential four aspects of language , It is not only test of knowledge and it is real grades of your knowledge :  
  
First of all , this kind of tests assist to examine the four aspects - reading ,listening ,speaking and writing . It means that everyone , who passes the test, has to learn well t all the aspects . In my opinion, he four sections give enough information to determine whether students should study. If a student get a high score , hence he/she knows the language well .  
  
Secondly , There are people who are aware the foreign language very well , but during the exam they feel nervous and become confused . So in the end they receive lower score than they are expected . Tests like TOEFL not only check out the knowledge of students , but also examine the students` confidence . It is very important quality for student .  
  
Thirdly , When students recognize their score of tests like TOEFL , they can be sure that it is a real assessment of their knowledge . Because the test is checked by professional experts , who give them the result without any encouragement . As a rule many universities have almost the same grade scale to entire . Students when are admitted to university or college , get the same score at the period of their terms, as in the test.  
  
To sum up , I would like to highlight again that I strongly agree , these tests give sufficient information about the knowledge of student . Students who prefer to study in the foreign universities or colleges have to pass the standardizes tests to ascertain where to be admitted .In my point of view, It is very fair exam to everyone . We can verify our knowledge only due to one exam, because it includes the four significant perspectives . When we prepare to this test we not only increase our knowledge , but also strengthen our endurance.
**The changes in Lakeside in 2000 and 2009.**  
  
A breakdown of the changes in lakeside between 2000 and 2009 is revealed in the two diagrams. Overall, it can be seen that there were several improvements in the region around lakeside especially for lake while in 2009 lake was replaced with pond and building in the South of lakeside.  
  
To begin with, there were two regions that was separated by river. Firstly, in 2009, there was no lake but it was changed by pond. Secondly, in 2000, in the south of lakeside there was industrial complex and behind this, there was residential area. But in 2009, these was replaced with the largest industrial complex while there were nine industrial building in there.  
  
On the other hand, in the right region of lakeside, there were numerous improvements. Firstly, derelict ware house in the north of region was changed with car park in 2009. Meanwhile, Behind of this building, there were offices and university in one complex which this building replaced old town. On the front of residential area which this did not change, there was art center in 2000 and it changed with cinema in 2009. In addition, school building was unchanged but behind of this was built shopping center when in 2000 this place was location of residential area.  
  
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*question*
Hi...I read your writing; here is some correction to improve your writing.  
  
~~~You have to write at least three sentence because it affect your score.  
  
~~~ ... especially for lake, put a comma here while in 2009 ...  
  
~~~ ~~Firstly~~ , unnecessary word in 2009, (...) it was changed ~~by~~into pond.  
  
~~~~~Secondly~~ , unnecessary word in 2000, in ...  
  
Keep writing :)
**The changes in Lakeside in 2000 and 2009.**  
  
The developments of Lakeside city between 2000 and 2009 are shown in the figure. Overall, it can be seen that housing became infrequent while industrial complex saw the largest number of developments.  
  
In 2000, the residential areas were located in the north-west, south-west, and south-east. However, after 9-year, housing became uncommon, indicated by a group of houses in the north-west was still available. Another location in south-west became shopping center while there was an enormous number of the industrial complex in south-east.  
  
The number of educational schools increased in 2009, taking over old town in 2000. Moreover, there was a change in entertainment center. At first, the art center in the west was located, but in the last of the period, it became the cinema. Furthermore, the car park was built in the north, changing derelict warehouse. The area of the lake which is located in the north-east also shrunk, and it changed to the pond during the end of the period.  
  
(162 Words)  
  
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Hi. I read your writing; here is some correction to improve your writing. it a good writing.  
  
~~~You have to write at least three sentence because it affect your score.  
  
~~~... are shown in the ~~figure~~diagrams  
  
~~~... housing became infrequent , ( put a comma) while industrial complex ...  
  
~~~A... became shopping center,( put a comma) while there was ...  
  
Keep writing :)
A breakdown of mechanism to produce electricity using wave is provided by the charts. Overall, it can be seen that electricity can be generated by moving air within column to rotate the turbine.  
  
First of all, using wave as source to generate power can be done by preparation the equipment at the first. The tools that are needed in this process are chamber, turbine, column, and lamp. After that, all of these tools are assembled on the cliff or sea wall that separate between land and sea , and the instrument is ready to be used.  
  
On one hand, generating electricity process is started by entered sea water into chamber that causes air within chamber moving up through column which can stir the turbine. This process can turn on the lamp. And then, when water go out from chamber, pressure within chamber increase. As a result, the air in the outer of column enter into chamber again trough column and rotate the turbine in same direction that can make lamp remain lit as indicator that electricity can be generated successfully.  
  
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Halllo diana..  
  
... process is started by entered sea water into (...) column which can stir the turbine. This process can turn on the lamp.  
... out from chamber, pressure within chamber increase .  
  
**1. By is preposition and after preposition must be followed by gerund  
2. Repetitive can, you have to change it with be able to  
3. Pressure within chamber increase when the water turning out, i think you have miss understood for this point. In my perspective when the water flow from outside the chamber, pressure in the chamber is lower than outside column thus air from outside is able to blow to the column and stir the turbine.**  
  
I hope it helps. Good Luck!
Hello Pram!  
Allow me to give you some suggestions.  
  
A breakdown of mechanism to produce ...  
It is really a short paragraph Pram, you should put at least 3 sentences here. You are able to add some information in your conclusion.  
  
On one hand, generating electricity process ...  
On one hand use for starting first idea, when it comes to another idea you have to say "on the other hand"  
  
Hope it helps you :)
Hello,  
  
... process is started by entered (entering ) sea water ...  
  
On one hand, generating electricity [...], pressure within chamber increase............................  
as the diagrams showed us, there are two ways you should compare, but your explanation is unclear whether you explain two different process to generate electricity. It is okay, if you combine the first and the second process, but you have to make additional explanation through them.  
  
Keep writing  
  
Gluck^^~
A breakdown of the changes in Lakeside between 2000 and 2009 is depicted in the two pictures. Overall, it can be seen that there were several improvements in industrial and facility sectors.  
  
To begin with, numerous differences were occurred in the northwest side of the images. Firstly, in 2000 there was derelic warehouse, nevertheless it was changed into car park in 2009. Furthermore old town had been shifted into offices and university in 2009 which was located in the north side of school. Afterwards, in 2000 experienced an art centre, while in 2009 showed cinema, and the school still existed in both two years, while one of the residential areas is deleted. Lastly, shopping centre was built in the southwest of the school.  
  
On the other hand, some difference happened in the southeast of the river. First of all, lake disappeared into pond in 2009. Moreover, industrial complex was larger in 2009 rather than in 2000. Last but not least, residential area which was situated behind industrial complex in 2000 was removed in 2009.  
  
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*Question*
Hi Mardian, below are a few direct suggestions to strengthen your essay.  
  
- two ~~pictures~~diagrams .  
- in the industrial and facility sectors.  
  
- To begin with, numerous differences ~~were~~ occurred in the northwest  
- side of the ~~images~~landscape .  
- First~~ly~~ , in 2000 ~~there~~it was a derelic warehouse,  
- nevertheless it was changed into a car park in 2009.  
- Furthermore, the old town had been ~~shifted~~converted  
- into offices and university in 2009  
- which was located in the north side of the school.  
- ~~Afterwards, in~~In 2000,  
- ~~experienced~~ an art centre was built , while in 2009 showed cinema,  
- ~~is deleted~~was destroyed .  
- Lastly, a shopping centre was ...  
  
There you have it Mardian, this direct correction approach is done in order for you to see and change the sentences and strengthen them before you submit the analysis.
**The changes in Lakeside in 2000 and 2009.**  
  
A comparison of the changes in Lakeside between 2000 and 2009 is depicted in the two maps. Overall, there are several changes in an industrial complex, an artificial lake, and public places.  
  
First of all, there was a significant alter in the south east of Lakeside where the industrial complex had been expanded in 2009, and replacing an residential area that existed in 2000. This industrial complex was located alongside the river that flow into the lake before it already swifted into a pond that based in the north east of Lakeside.  
  
The other change was a derelic warehouse which was right to a residential area had altered into a parking area for cars. Across the car park, there were an office buliding and a university that replaced an old town. Then, move to the eat, where an art centre was built next to school had swifted into a movie theatre. Meanwhile, a residential area in the south west of Lakeside was also changed into a shopping centre. (168)  
  
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Hi Septia, here's another one from my end.  
  
- A comparison of the changes in the Lakeside  
- in ~~an~~the industrial complex, an artificial lake,  
  
- and replacing ~~an~~a residential area  
- ~~was~~is located alongside the river  
- that flows into the lake before  
- it ~~already swifted into a~~shifts to the pond that based  
  
- a residential area and had altered into a parking  
- there ~~were~~was an office buliding and  
- ~~Then, move to the eat, where an~~Moving forward to the art centre which was built next to school  
- had ~~swifted~~been shifted into a movie theatre.  
- was also ~~changed~~converted into a shopping centre.  
  
There you have it Septia, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and I left the last paragraph for you to practice your editing skills, I hope you follow though.
A comparison of lakeside between 2000 and 2009 is portrayed by using two illustrations. Overall, there were several changes that led the place into more modern city, that was represented by the appearance of facilities such as car park, offices, university, shopping center, and widening the size of Industrial area.  
  
To begin with, started with the building in the northwest of the lake. In 2000, we can see derelict warehouse and old town besides the resident's area. Then, those two was demolished to construct parking area, new workplaces, and college in 2009. In addition, while the art center was converted to become cinema, the school and the housing in the top still similar in the both years. Moreover, shopping area was built in 2009, to replace the residential area in the previous nine years.  
  
Next, we are going to the southeast of the river. It can be seen that residential area was disappeared in 2009 to broaden the Industrial complex. In contrast, the size of the water area was narrowed since the lake was changed solely into the pond.  
  
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Hi faiz, let me give you some comments.  
  
1. ... led the place into more modern city  
On the grounds that there is no 'modern' word in the picture, you have to be careful for using your opinion  
  
2. In 2000, we can see ~~derelict~~derelic warehouse  
As you can see on the question, the name of the house you mention is 'derelic warehouse  
  
3. Then, those two ~~was~~were demolished to be~~construct~~constructed parking area.  
Those two is plural and you write in passive form about parking area  
  
Thank you  
Keep writing
***The diagrams show a structure that is used to generate electricity from wave power***  
  
A breakdown of the information about how the wave strength is utilized to yield current is revealed by the two diagrams. Overall, it can be seen that electricity can be generated by two way of process using air from wave sea direction and air from the atmosphere to sea direction.  
  
First of all, to generate current, it needs column, turbine, chamber, and lamp as the equipment. There are two ways to produce current by using these tools. Initially, all the tools are constructed between cliff and sea body, which chamber will let the sea wave enter. The air that is contained by the waves will flow up to the turbine and rotate it among column. That process will make the lamp turning on as the evidence that it produced electricity.  
  
On the other hand, current are also able to yield by using air from the atmosphere to be flown to the sea wave. Firstly, air is allowed in to the column and it will activate the turbine to rotate at the same direction, which it will turn the lamp on as the result of current is yielded. The air residue will go down to the sea through the chamber. 198w  
  
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*diagrams*
Hi Nur, as I go through the analysis, I noticed that you are playful with the words that you associate in your analysis and most of your essays too, this actually brings a lot of advances to you and your writing, however, as good as it seems, make sure that the focus of the essay or the analysis in this matter, should still be in the main frame or the idea.  
  
Having said that, I have a few suggestions to further modify your essay.  
  
- A breakdown of the information ~~about how~~on the wave  
- revealed ~~by~~in the two diagrams.  
- generated ~~by~~in a two way of process  
- using air from ~~wave~~ sea waves direction and  
  
- ..., it needs a column, turbine, chamber,  
- and a lamp as the equipment.  
- between a cliff and ~~sea~~the body of the sea ,  
  
There you have it Nur, I hope you continue to evolve in your writing and never be afraid to discover different approach in writing.
**Article Summary  
  
Space telescope duo will showcase the solar system in 3D  
By: Marcus Woo (October 31, 2016)**  
  
Along with the development of modern technology that increasingly sophisticated, it is not impossible for a scientist in the field of astronomy to create an observer incredible space tool . After all, had long since people are so curious about the landscape space. Therefore, scientists continue to try to create a solar telescope tool which capable of providing a space standpoint sharper, vivid and clear like being in space. According to latest news, the tool will be released in 2019 next to the name of James Webb Space Telescope (JWST), which will collaborate with the tool was first released that the Hubble Space Telescope, which has been operating for 26 years in space, through the combination of the sophistication of the two types of telescopes, then scientists or inventors are confident will be able to create a visualization of three-dimensional images which would be amazing. So, people would not curious anymore with the real picture of the nature of space. It will be able to give lessons and new knowledge to the public that the activity of the space that so fascinating to watch. Soon people will be really watching how natural the beauty of sky where the planet rotates each other in orbit, the comet was gliding with shiny tail and the atmospheric dust hovering over the planet Mars, all of it, of course, is fabulous.  
  
newscientist
Hi Sarlinda, I hope the suggested revisions below will help out.  
  
- that is increasingly sophisticated,  
- After all,it had been long since  
- people are so curious about the ~~landscape~~ space.  
- tool which is capable of providing  
- a space standpoint that is sharper, vivid and clear  
- According to the latest news,  
- ~~with~~ the tool ~~was first~~ released that (...), are - confident that we will be able to create  
- not be curious anymore with the real picture  
- of ~~the nature of~~our space.  
- space ~~that so~~is fascinating ~~to watch~~and interesting to learn .  
  
There you have it Sarlinda, I hope the above remarks are valuable to your revision.For future writing reference, mind the linking verbs as you tend to miss them in your sentences.
A comparison of changes in the lakeside between 2000 and 2009 is shown in the two pictures. Overall, the number of residential areas experienced a decrease in 2009.  
  
It can be seen that, there were some improvements of public facilities in 2009. Art centre which was located at west side of the river became a cinema at that time, while school still in similar condition as same as in 2000. However, increasing of higher level education facility was clearly seen. Old town was replaced by complex of university and offices tower. Residential area in the south west was altered to be a shopping centre while north west residential area still can be found. In contrast, the derelic house was switched to car park in 2009.  
  
On the other hand, the significant alteration was able to be seen in the south east of lake. There was developing of industrial complex to become larger and did away with housing area. Lastly, size of lake was reducing and became pond in 2009.  
  
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Hi, let me give you some comments.  
  
1. .. while school was still in similar ...  
You need a verb in that clause. On the grounds that it is happen in the past and the subject is singular, the verb that have to use is 'was'.  
  
2. Residential area in the ~~south west~~southwest was altered  
You do need space to write 'northwest'  
  
3. ... while ~~north west~~north west residential area ...  
  
4. There is unbalance paragraph which is in the second paragraph you write much more rather than in the third  
  
Thank you  
Keep writing