dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
In the meantime  
The paraphrase cannot begin with this phrase. Since there is no previous discussion presentation, the connecting phrase does not perform its correct grammatical function. This problem will reduce the grammar related score of the essay. The response format does not fall under required guidelines instead. The comparative representation in relation to a personal opinion is incorrect. The mistake was caused by a measured response being used in an essay that does not require it. The task restatement and response is not related to the prompt requirements.  
  
There is no comparative discussion alongside a personal opinion.The writer failed to expand on the public opinion before the personal opinion. The miter did not use the expected response format for the discussion paragraphs. The presentation continues to be faulty throughout the discussion. The final score may be limited to a non-passing grade due to these discussion reference mistakes.
## teaching pupils to well judge and behave

  
  
In recent years, what teachers should educate their students has been a prominent issue in many parts of the world. While some people maintain that educators should play essential roles to direct their pupils to well judge and behave, I believe that they should teach their youngsters about academic curriculums at schools nowadays.  
  
On the one hand, raising pupil's awareness about their judgment and behaviour in the community, without any doubt, is a crucial responsibility of each teacher. According to experts, personality and characteristics of each person are built up soon when they are young. Therefore, educators should take up teaching them about judgment and behavior; which has resulted in establishing ethical fundamentals of good citizens' quality in later life. In terms of spending too much time on their schools, students mainly contact and interact with both their classmates and teachers. By observing and imitating those actions from relatives at schools, pupils might be affected and react towards other people in society, thus not only should their parents be responsible for this, but their teachers also would be well-typical examples for students.  
  
On the other hand, academic subjects at schools are carefully considered to teach students. When it comes to academic acknowledgment regarded as a human being's civilization of treasures, students should be enhanced to study and inherit them. To complete this great mission, hardly do other sources from community boost, educators are pioneers to transfer wonderful knowledge to pupils. Furthermore, broadening students' horizons when they are sitting at schools is an extremely crucial requirement for their living and society in future. For example, to seek decent jobs with fulfillment of satisfaction and healthy account banks when students are growing up after schooling, they need academic knowledge and other skills that are taught by teachers at schools.  
  
In conclusion, teachers should manage to teach students both judgment, behaviour and academic knowledge. I strongly support that all those will help foster students' development.
The first paragraph incompletely presents the original discussion. There is no reference to the other opinion that teachers should focus on the teaching of academic subjects only. It is a partially correct response format with an inaccurate reasoning paragraph presentation.  
  
It is obvious that the discussion paragraphs focus only the point of view of the author. The lack of public opinion explanation prior to the general opinion proved this. The author can very well offer a general opinion as a representation of his point of view, provided he first properly delivers the public opinion based on an active third person representation. It is only by comparing the public belief with the write's own point of view for each that the proper comparative discussion format can be delivered in the essay. Discuss both views means compare the opinions with your own. Balance the opinion presentation as best as possible.
***TOPIC: Online shopping is increasing dramatically.***  
## How could this trend affect our environment and the kinds of jobs required?

  
  
It is true that going shopping on the Internet is becoming considerably popular in modern society. This trend will inevitably have a significant positive and negative impact on the environment and on job opportunities.  
  
Online shopping can affect our environment in good and bad ways. People will drive less because they can now purchase products on websites. This will result in less pollution and a decrease in road congestion during rush hours. Furthermore, natural resources and fuel can be preserved owing to a reduction in the construction of new roads, buildings for supermarkets, or for selling products. However, more packaging is inevitable if more people order goods online. For instance, I bought a book online and when it was delivered, I was surprised to find three layers of wrappings around the book. Of course, the packaging is important for the protection of products but this will decidedly lead to an increase in paper and cardboard boxes being used.  
  
Career opportunities will also be affected greatly by the increasing popularity of online shopping. On the one hand, the unemployment rate may rise when shop workers such as cashiers, security guards, and sellers lose their jobs. On the other hand, more spots will be available for skilled IT workers such as web developers, web designers, and computer programmers. Moreover, the shipping business will thrive and create more jobs for employees if the need for products to be delivered to citizens' homes increase.  
  
In conclusion, shopping on the Internet has a huge effect on our environment and jobs. It is undeniable that online shopping has brought about many benefits as well as drawbacks to these two aspects of our society.  
  
*Please give feedback on my essays. Thanks in advance!!!*
When there is no opinion validity question in the original prompt, the writer should refrain from offering such commentaries in the prompt restatement. Doing so means the paraphrase is no longer true to the original since an additional topic, not found in the original theme was presented. It reduces the interpretation accuracy. Additionally, specific responses in the form of topic outlines must be provided as direct responses. That is because the introduction paragraph lays the discussion foundation based on the task provided. The writer does not represent any of there in its opening paragraph.  
  
The reasoning paragraphs are developed in a coherent manner. The transition to the next related topic is also well-done. The writer makes good and proper use of transition words. Although, transition sentences receive better scoring considerations. The discussion is going to be well recieved by the examiner. While the problems of the first paragraph will produce deductions, the essay is still a strong contender for a passing score.
*In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport.  
  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.*  
  
Transportation plays a key role in the development of a country's economy. Currently, the problem of traffic congestion or accidents is an urgent need, encouraging people to have different opinions of how to upgrade the transport systems. While some people think that the money should be spent on boosting the quality of public transport, I believe it is more necessary to construct new railway lines.  
  
On the one hand, existing public transport need to be improved is an undeniable fact because they are the lifeline of the country. Public transport play a role to connect every corner of country and facilitates the transportation of goods and people. Moreover, public transports are affordable and accessible, so if government improve the frequency and reliability of buses and trains, they will reduce the traffic congestion and encourage the citizens use public transports instead of private vehicles.  
  
On the other hand, according to the current situation, the road system is overcrowded to keep increasing capacity. And the optimal solution to relieve the gridlock for the city center is the construction of new railway line to encourage people to use trains. This is not only benefits for people who work by trains, but it also reduces traffic congestion in rush hour and accidents. The best thing about this railway is that it will be implemented run by energy sources can be renewable. Therefor, the problem of environmental pollution will be minimized.  
  
To conclude, although upgrading public transport is necessary, I believe the installation of new railway lines is more importance.
Focus on the discussion instruction in totality. Do not focus on the last part of the discussion. It is the incorrect understanding of the discussion requirements that forced the error in the presentation. There are a series of significant errors that will force the failure of this essay. The errors are:  
  
- Incorrect paraphrase (there should be 2 public topics present aside from the personal opinion )  
- Error in response format. Reasoning paragraphs fail to explain the reason behind each public opinion. One per paragraph aside from the personal opinion.  
- Public opinions lack supporting comparative discussions using appropriate pronouns.  
- Lack of reverse paraphrase in the concluding summary.  
  
The writer chose which aspect of the prompt he believed he could discuss best and used that. He changed the discussion instructions. Inability to follow instructions will result in a failing score.
Hi @nguyen3899,  
I think your second body paragraph lacks a clear topic sentence. A topic sentence is a sentence that summarizes the main idea of a paragraph. In the 2nd body para, you write about the advantages of building new railway lines so you need a topic sentence at the beginning such as: *"On the other hand, spending money on new railway lines between cities may be more advantageous in such a crowded city these days."* Your first sentence: *"On the other hand, according to ..."* fails to summarize clearly the points you want to make in the 2nd body para.
***Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
In the age of rapid technological advances, games, movies, and other techniques prevail over traditional books for children's play and study. However, several people say that watching TV and playing games are not as beneficial as reading stories. From my point of view, I utterly agree with the statement that children gain more advantages when reading.  
  
Reading stories augments children's imagination and cultivates their minds. Books are filled with marvelous, beautiful stories helping children discover interesting things throughout single pages and broaden their minds and creativity. Moreover, those stories are touched and educative, which has optimistic impacts on children's mental health. It helps them to be more sympathetic and exquisite. Researchers have shown that reading allows children to train their brain muscles most effectively because when they read, they have to use more energy than they do in watching and playing games.  
  
On the other hand, watching TV or playing video games sometimes can cause additions and misbehaviors. Credulous children are not equipped with full awareness of the influences of games and movies on their minds. Moreover, there is a wide range of inappropriate films and games for children out of parents' control. As a result, those things bring devastating effects on children's health, such as obesity, depression, and even additions. Recent content analyses of children's acts show that children who frequently play fighting and shooting games having more tendency to develop violent behaviors and commit offenses than children who do not.  
  
In conclusion, reading boosts children's knowledge and teaches them great lessons. In contrast, films and games may lead them to wrong thoughts and actions or cause numerous diseases. Therefore, I support children with reading habits.
The paraphrase for this would have been an acceptable 2 sentences. The first half was an unrequired personal opinion presentation. It is important that the writer does not add information in this section as it deducts from the accuracy of the interpretation.  
  
The essay was off to a fantastic reasoning presentation in support of the writer's opinion. It was coherent and relevant. Then, the discussion cohesion was lost in the 2nd paragraph as the first sentence failed to create a connected discussion transition in a relevant manner from the first paragraph to the second paragraph topic.  
  
The second topic no longer related to books in connection with the presented topic. The writer should have discussed how books and reading books can prevent there sorts of problems. The main discussion point must always remain the focus of the paragraph.
Books ~~are~~  filled with marvelous, beautiful stories help~~ing~~ children discover interesting things throughout every single page~~s~~ and broaden their minds ~~and~~  as well as boost their creativity.  
  
(single + singular N  
~~broaden~~ boost their creativity)  
  
Researchers have shown that reading....  
-> I think "researches" is more accurate.  
  
play ~~fighting and shooting~~ violent games
Hi @nguyethoang,  
"The main discussion point must always remain the focus of the paragraph." means that you have to support your opinion which is presented in the introduction, throughout all your body paragraphs. You believe that reading is more beneficial than playing games in the introduction so you have to write about the advantages of reading. You do this in the 1st body para, which is great, but in the 2nd para, you focus on the disadvantages of playing games instead. This is irrelevant to your opinion in the first place. Your discussion transition: "On the other hand" is used wrongly too. This transition is used to express your idea in a way that is different or in contrast with the first thing you mention. But your 2nd body paragraph doesn't contrast with the 1st body paragraph.  
  
I hope my feedback is useful to you. Have a good day!!!
## should man-made zoos be banned or not?

  
  
A few groups of people believe that man-made zoos shouldn't exist in the 21st century to avoid human abuse. There are many zoos in the world where animals are tortured and beaten. So, I agree that zoos should be banned.  
  
Animals in zoos are very poor. When the animals don't do what humans said, it will be beaten and starved like the elephant in India three months ago. The elephant can't stand human abuse and beating so it ran out of the zoo and was shot to death by the polices. Its blood eyes spoke up the cruelty of humans. The animals have stayed in the zoos for a long time, it will lose adaptability to the natural environment. When it's time, the animal caretakers will feed it so it is not necessary to think too much about food so the hunting ability is reduced and the animals in zoos will be lazier than the animals in the wild.  
  
The zoos are interesting places for visitors. Schools often organize zoo visits for students to learn about animals and plants. That's really useful knowledge for students. At the weekends or in their free time, families who have children will take them to the zoo to have a picnic or relax and see nature and animals. The zoo is also considered a place for protecting endangered species by bringing them into safe environments, protected from poachers, habitat loss, and starvation to avoid extinction. Currently, some animals are hunted in large numbers and are almost extinct, the zoo is a place to preserve them to avoid hunting.  
  
In conclusion, I agree that zoos should not exist in the 21st century because there are so many animal abuse problems. The rare animals are hunted, we can release them in a small forest with strict guards to avoid wild animal hunters.
There is no reference to any sort of abuse, torture, or animal beatings in the original presentation. These references are part of a personal opinion that should be part of the last sentence / thesis statement. The topic presentation should have been a proper restatement of the factual topic. The essay will lose points due to topic discussion deviations.  
  
The student must avoid the use of contractions as there are considered non-academic in presentation. The paper must follow formal English writing rules.  
  
The writer has also confused the discussion presentation. The first reason shows an explanation of why zoos should be banned. In the second, the need for yoos is given eason. Which is the actual supported reason? The essay fails to deliver a clear opinion in the explanations even though a clear opinion was given in the opinion sentence.
## Shifting from fossil fuels to alternative energy sources

  
  
***Fossil fuels are the main source of energy around the world. However, people are being encouraged to use alternative energy sources such as wind energy, solar energy, and so on. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Why?***  
  
Some people argue that fossil fuels are essential energy sources for economic development despite their high polluting potentials, while others encourage that alternative resources of energy such as wind energy, solar energy should replace fossil fuels. In my opinion, it is high time people used more clean fuels for long-term benefits.  
  
It is beyond doubt that the alarming rate usage of fossil fuels has detrimentally affected the environment. Firstly, it causes climate change. The emissions released from burning fossil fuels have negative effects on our planet. For example, carbon dioxide pollutes the earth's atmosphere, leading to a continuous rise in global temperatures. This phenomenon can also cause natural habitat destruction or life-taking diseases. Secondly, fossil fuels are non-renewable sources of energy. Fossil fuels can not be replenished immediately, it takes ages. However, with the current rate of usage, fossil fuels will soon run out if there is no reduction in consumption or alternative resources.  
  
On the other hand, making the switch to clean energy does good for people and the environment. Renewable energy sources like solar or wind make smaller or no environmental impact. They are considered environmentally friendly as they emit zero toxic gases. Moreover, over-reliance on fossil fuels can be solved by clean fuels. Powerful winds, sun heat, moving water cost none but they generate a huge yet economical energy supply to nations. Finally, it leads to job creation. The dramatic exploitation will give rise to employment opportunities. More new and stable jobs in manufacturing or installation will be added. Hence, it increases economic development.  
  
In conclusion, I think that the encouragement of using clean energy is very suitable for the earth's condition. Shifting from fossil fuels to alternative energy sources is one of the vital ways to protect our planet.
The prompt restatement of the writer is not true to the original topic. Too much additional data that was not part of the original was included. The topic for discussion and its basis was totally replaced. The question response of the writer was not based on a positive or negative response. The writer failed to address the task requirements based on provided points. This proves a severe lack of English comprehension skills. The writer was unable to present a response statement aligned with the original presentation. The writer has already failed the first half of the test.  
  
The reasoning paragraphs continue to show that the essay does not provide even an iota of relationship with the discussion choices. There is no single defense provided for a singular opinion. Therefore, there is no choice left but to apply a failing score to the essay.
@Holt  
  
Thank you so much for evaluating my essay. I have some questions, I wish you could answer it.  
I have realized that the introduction was terrible due to the wrong replacement of words and the wrong grasp of the topic. In order to fix it, should I just only rephrase the topic sentence with synonyms?  
  
Moreover, I do not really understand what you mean by "The reasoning paragraphs continue to show that the essay does not provide even an iota of relationship with the discussion choices. There is no single defense provided for a singular opinion.". I do not get it, I hope you can point out what you meant in the essay.  
  
It would be so nice of you to do that. Thank you in advance!
## Academic vs Vocational Schools

  
  
**In some countries at secondary or high school, there may be two streams of study: acadmic or vocation. What are the advantages for students and society of putting students into two streams at the age of fifteen?**  
  
Academic and practice-based school are the option for pupils to continue studying in certain countries. Both of scheme bring prime benefit for students and society such as creating better workforce for nation and increasing society wealth in underdeveloped cities.  
  
The increasing number of academic and vocational school in some countries, especially at Asian region could make a better skill in labor demography. Since some of juvenile are not interested in academic schools, they prefer to choose internship or learning under company under school regulation, resulting better distribution of labor. Additionally, it could rise the number of investments by multinational company to country so It establish job field for the nation. For instance, Indonesia, which is categorized as one the most populated countries, implemented both of these school to provide different characteristics student since 40 years ago. if this programm consistently held by local government, it will increase the amount of capital flow to Indonesia by doubled.  
  
Due to some issue inequality in new industrial country, government build vocational school to solve this problem. This is supported by the capable of this school to create hard skill and soft skill for the youngster, making a better-off condition for village in term of skill full labor. For example, Gunung Kidul government, which is established village-owned enterprise, has successfully collaborated between local academy and enterprise institution to create real-practice studies for underprivileged society in the past 2010. From the research conducted by the host universities in 2019, showed the increasing of disposable income received by pupil after four years studying in this collaboration.  
  
The widely spread of theory and practice-based school in certain region are beneficial for the improvement of productivity and rising the rate of income for isolated cities. Where possibly, Government should increase their expenditure to create better education in vocational school especially for developing countries to equalize both on teacher.
The student put forth an excellent representation of the original presentation. The response and thesis statement is also well presented. The vocabulary used is acceptable for an intermediate ESL writer. It is a strong introduction paragraph. The actual problem lies in the explanation paragraphs.  
  
There are 2 lines of reasoning to be presented: academic and vocational. Now, the writer laid out reasons for the existence of rach, but focused only on the vocational discussion throughout the presentation. Such an viror in discussion created an inbalance and lack of proper s development. The academic defense is nowhere to be found.  
  
The discussion is only partially responsive and will only recieve a partial score due to missing discussion references.