dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Many people believe that international tourism is a bad thing for their country. What are the reasons? Solutions to change negative attitudes.**  
  
Masses criticize international travelers due to dangerous they may affect, namely spoiling environment and custom of local countries. This issue can be overcome by adopting viable measures involving both government and tourist agencies.  
  
Many indigenous people assume that foreign travelers often deteriorate the environmental health. This is because visitors may contribute pollution towards to air, soil, and water. For instance, the demand for transports producing fume exhaust contaminating the air of tourist destination will increase. Besides, they always dirty surroundings by irresponsibly throwing their rubbish not directly into a trash. Therefore, local authorities should encourage holidaymakers to use public vehicles, such as a bus. Besides, they should campaign about how to maintain sanitary by giving a guidance of putting a warning in every holiday site. Moreover, fining litterbugs can be an effective method.  
  
Furthermore, many natives consider foreigners' unconscious behavior as disrespectful due to cultural differences. To illustrate, a traveler may touch a sacred statue, step a holy tomb, or make scratches of an ancient treasure. In addition, when enjoying their trip in a developing Southeast Asian country, western vacationers often only wear underwear inviting a lot of unwanted stares as it is impolite according to the local people. Hence, tourist agencies should inform holidaymakers regarding the regulation and custom of their hosts, such as how to behave and dress appropriately.  
  
To sum up, there are several reasons causing making a trip to other countries may cause hazards. However, providing that tourists are well-informed about how to avoid the dangerous, this issue can be addressed.
Ulfa, your opening statement is expressive but confusing to read due to your lack of English grammar knowledge. The word you should have used in the first sentence was "dangers" not "dangerous". You must read more English written material by native English speakers so that you will see and understand how the British form their sentences. It will also help you learn the rudiments of English writing in a manner that no English classes or IELTS tutoring ever can. Your whole essay will not get a very good Lexical Resource and GRA score. These are the 2 sections that are pulling down your score to a non-passing level.  
  
In addition to that, you failed to properly discuss the task using the 3 body paragraph presentation. If you notice, you were given a total of 3 topics to discuss in the body namely:  
  
1. Reasons people believe that tourism is bad for their country;  
2. One method that you suggest in order to change the negative attitude towards tourists;  
3. Example of an effective way of doing this.  
  
When you are given a specific discussion outline as in this case, always make sure to use the given outline as the topics for your body paragraphs. That is expected and that is what will make writing these sorts of essays easier for you to accomplish.  
  
You also need to have a uniform set of sentences based on the writing guidelines. That means, no less than 3 but no more than 5 sentences per paragraph. Needless to say, your opening and closing statements do not fall under the C&C requirements of the IELTS Task 2 test and as such, will be given a lower score because of the incomplete sentence structure.  
  
There are many examples of how to write proper opening and closing paragraphs here at EF. All you have to do is click on the similar discussions link in order to read those samples and the advice given to them for improvement in their written work. You might be able to pick up a few pointers from the mistakes of others as well.
*Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?*  
  
## a bad example for youngsters?

  
  
Given the fact that today's movie stars, notable musicians and singers are more well-known for their lavish lifestyles and material possessions, some people are of the opinion that this is adversely affecting the young's perception of the world around them by setting unacceptable role models.  
  
Personally, I agree with this viewpoint for several reasons. Firstly, I think because young people lack knowledge and experience, they are highly vulnerable to be influenced by these so-called role models. The youth tend to imitate their lifestyles regardless of their own financial situations or personal styles. The young tend to have a desire to possess what these famous stars have. As a result, they put a lot of pressure not only on themselves but also on their parents as they aspire to the lifestyles of their favourite stars. In extreme cases, some even resort to committing crimes like theft to achieve what they want overnight, where it would not otherwise be attainable.  
  
Furthermore, this unrealistic expectation among the youth forces them to pressure their peers to think and feel the same way and try to look up to celebrities as well. This results in some youth who may personally oppose the vain lifestyles to also conform and give in. These youth often end up having no other option but to follow the trend to avoid ridicule or being ostracized by their friends. According to a study that was conducted in Japan on behavioral patterns of more than 2000 teenagers, they found that the number of teens who followed celebrities' way of life, solely because of peer pressure was alarming. The study looked at the effects of glamorous lifestyles of celebrities, and found that 26% of teenage boys and girls imitate celebrities only to satisfy their friend's requests.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that celebrities' lifestyles is of great importance to the youth and it impacts their culture a lot. If the youth don't follow the popular trend, they run the risk of being excluded from their peers which can be a big problem for them.
Jawad, this is an "emotional" opinion essay because it asks you to present the degree of your agreement or disagreement with the given topic. References to terms such as "strongly, immensely, partially, fully, totally, marginally" are used to represent the "extent" of your opinion. By the way, the opinion should form the end sentence of the opening statement as this represents the thesis statement of the essay. It should not be used as a topic sentence in the second paragraph.  
  
You only have 4 paragraphs presented for what is always a 5 paragraph essay. There are 3 body paragraphs that are meant to allow you to show off your English opinion writing skills in relation to your lexical resource and GRA abilities. Don't write just 4 paragraphs because that does not help you increase your scoring potential. It actually lessens it because you are not presenting the proper format for the essay and as such, you will have points deducted. '  
  
With regards to your discussion points, don't refer to research information in reference to your opinion. Don't make it a habit to use outside references because the testing center will be on WLAN lockdown. You won't have exterior internet access at that time. Additionally, this is a bad practice to have during the practice tests because you are wasting time looking up information to help your opinion. Time is of the essence in this sort of test so you should rely on your common sense and publicly known opinions for the defense of your stance instead. You are not being graded on the sources, you are being graded on your ability to use the English language to explain your personal opinion so focus on the actual testing consideration. This is not a college research paper, this is an English usage test.
**My answer:**  
  
## physically active Australians

  
  
The chart illustrates how many people, divided by gender and age groups, who did regular physical activity in Australia in 2010.  
  
Overall, the number of females who are physically active exceed that of males in the given period. Females from the age of 45 to 54 comprised of the highest number while the majority of men who spent their time doing physical activity was from the age of 15 to 24.  
  
There were five age groups in which females were more active than males. While 53.3% females aged 45 to 44 spent more time being active, the number of males from the same age group was 10.1% lower. In terms of females and males aged 55 to 64, the amount of females who exercised and played sports was 53.1% as opposed to 43.1% for their male counterparts. Similarly, in the age group of 35 to 44, more females exercised than males (52.5% and 39.5% respectively). Moreover, regarding to the age group of 25 to 34, there was 6.7% difference with more females doing physical activity than males. Lastly, merely 1% more of females than males who are 65 years old and above were physically active.  
  
With regards to the remaining age group, as many as 52.8% males in their youth (age 15 to 24) participated in sports and exercise compared to 47.7% of the females, making it the only age group where the majority of males were more physically active than females.  
  
*
Indrastiningtias, you developed an informative essay in the sense that you presented all of the relevant information in the chart. However, you did not present a summary overview prior to your trending sentence. So you did not accurately complete the TA requirements of the essay. The TA portion requires you to summarize the topic for discussion, reason for discussion, measurement metrics, and trending indication. That creates a complete summary overview that accurately allows the reader to analyze the information you will be presenting.  
  
By the way, avoid using parenthetical information. A parenthesis indicates optional information. There is no optional information in the essay so you should present those accurately integrated into the paragraph. I know you tried to use the parenthesis so you could include more information per sentence without creating a run-on. The problem with that presentation is that it disconnects the information from the rest of the paragraph information. It makes it optional and unimportant when it should not be.  
  
As for your paragraph formats, keep it uniform between 3-5 sentences regardless of whether it is the opening or closing presentation. Aim for 5 sentences per paragraph so that you can have a complete information presentation. It also allows you to fully show off your LR and GRA skills for maximum scoring effect.
*Many people believe that international tourism is a bad thing for their country. What are the reason? solutions to change negative attitude?*  
  
## foreign tourists and effect on a visited country

  
  
Nowadays, foreign tourists can cause a negative circumstance to the destined countries based on some argument from the countries' citizens. This essay will explain why it appear and how to tackle the issue.  
  
Foreigner visitors in tourism object in certain country moderately contribute to decreasing traditional culture in the area. It occurs as almost all of the tourists build interaction with aboriginal inhabitants especially for longer duration of tourism. Morever, the most influential of the its decleaning is that a lot of the traveller do not understand about the local tradition. Because of that, many different life styles from outside easily mix with the local tradition. For instance, in Yogyakarta in two decades ago, the fundamentality of its natural culture was so significant influencing all of the people, but a decline of quality of natural life style occured about 8 years ago because of the location becoming popular and millions of international traveller visiting the area. To solve the problem, the government should try implying culture education for the visitors before they interact with local people. Because of that, the understanding and method to approach all of the part of the location can be implied by the foreigner.  
  
Furthermore, the internatinal tourism can also influence on a increasing of polution area because of not enough information about activities restriction in the pleace given by the autority. In Kerinci which is one of the most incredble tourism objects in Sumatere island for example, the pollution caused by tourist wastes rises dramatically especially after big festivals held in the Kerinci lake and in Kayu Aro plant tea which is one of the largest tea plant in the world. the best solution for this issue is government should coorporate with original inhabitant for notifying the tourists to also contribute to taking care of lean environtment.  
  
In conclution, Even though there are negative thing caused of international visitors such as decreasing quality of natural culture and rising of pollution, Culture education and collaboration work between governments and local inhabitant are potentially be able to handle that problem.
Hi Sanufal, I have read your essay closer and found a few suggestions for improving yours.  
In the first paragraph, you successfully rephrase the statement and question. Following that, you have shown what you will elucidate in the body paragraph serving in the last sentence of the introductory paragraph. However, you still made minor errors grammatically. Pay attention to the subject-verb agreement especially the third singular person.  
  
Turning to your body paragraph, you actually can deliver your idea with full explanation supported by strong sentences.However, your logic flow didn't attend well there.  
  
Morever, the most influential of the its decleaning is that a lot of the traveller do not understand about the local tradition. Because of that, many different life styles from outside easily mix with the local tradition.  
Those explanations couldn't support each other. In fact, those should still relate to the first idea. You didn't review what happens if foreigners do not conceive the inhabitant rules. You offer an idea,but you were reviewing another idea. If you do continuously, your score for coherent will fall down. Keep your idea so that you present the idea and let the first become vague.  
  
Besides, you use the same linking words many times although there are a variety of transitive words. Also, you are supposed to pick the appropriate linking words to produce move smoother.  
  
Hopefully, my notes can help you and are always remembered for improvement next term.  
GOOD LUCK
My grammar is not good, give me your comment about my statement below.  
  
## How Technology Has Changed Our Lives?

  
  
11/2/2018  
17 years ago, I was a young little girl. But now, I'm an adult. Time changes everything and my country also become more different than the past.  
  
In the past, my country was a poor country. We didn't have electricity, internet or television. We used the oil lamp to bright at night, cooked by wooden and took water from lakes, streams or usually wells.  
  
The main media communication was the letters, which were used popular like the messenger to inbox to another people. It was fantastic when once I found a lot of romantic letters from my aunt ( she was 20 years old at that time) to her boyfriend. I read it all but I didn't really understand all content in these letters.  
  
Moreover, transportation didn't develop as modern as now. For example, in my village, bicycles were mainly the method of transport for individuals. If we wanted to go far away, trains would help us.  
  
Nowadays, some families still keep the ancient objects in the past such as pots or oil lamps. But they are not to be used anymore. The reason because of electricity. Since the 2000s, we started to live in another life with a bright light inside every home by neon light. We also use gas energy to cook and take water from the wells because of water machines.  
  
Especially, due to the improvement of technology, we have internet. There are very easier to access the internet and connect with a stranger and make them be our friend. Facebook, twitter, skype or whatapps... are the best apps to help me contact in the social network.  
  
It's not so hard if you want to visit another country or any places in the world because of the airplane. Some people, who have the strong income can buy an automobile and motorbike, which are faster and more save time than bicycles.  
  
Although my country develops in a positive way it still can't avoid the harmful that modern life brings. For instance, the environment is more terrible than the past. The children are lazier and more concentrated to online games or lack realistic to the life.  
  
Finally, the differences help us declare that we are in the right ways to take the good things from global and everyone have a well-being life.
Since you are not confident of your grammars, I will try to help you with that first.  
  
I will list some of these below:  
  
... my country also become more different ... You should use present perfect here, so it should be has become.  
  
Nowadays, some families ... ... be used anymore.  
  
These two sentences can be joined together. Nowadays, some families still keep the ancient objects in the past such as pots or oil lamps, but they are not to be used anymore.  
  
The reason because of electricity  
The reasons is?  
  
The children are lazier and more concentrated ...  
The word choice does not sound right. substitute concentrated to for interested in
（I don't know why I can't upload the image of the bar chart, I have tried..., so there is only the description uploaded, hope it works.）  
  
## working out the body in Australia

  
  
The diagram illustrates how often Australia men and women in different age groups exercise regularly in 2010.  
  
Overall, the highest percentage which worked out regularly for the women was age 45 to 54, though no matter how old Australian women are, from age 15 to 65 above, the numbers all stayed between more than 45% to 55%. However, the number of men of different age groups fluctuated more than women in Australia. Another interesting point is that the number of the age group from 65 and over was almost the same both for men and women in Australia.  
  
Looking at the details, the women aged between 45 and 54 exercised the most at 53.3%, age of 55 to 64 comes the close second at 53%, and the women from 35 to 44 years old also worked out quite often, with 52.5%. The female age from 65 above did physical activities the least.  
  
As for male groups, the highest number was the men who are between 15 and 24 years old at 52.8%, and then the second was surprisingly the group of 65 and above, though the number dropped to only a bit more than 45%. The men who worked out the least was from the age of 35 to 44, with less than 40%.  
  
*
Hung, the reason you cannot upload the file is probably because you are trying to upload an image association file that is not accepted by the system. Problems occur when students try to upload .png files. It is best to use .jpg or .jpeg files in this instance as the system easily recognizes those associated extensions and allows for an upload of the image without any problems.  
  
Your information cannot be judged as accurate or not because of the lack of image. Therefore, I cannot comment on the accuracy or improvements to be made in that aspect. Since I am not sure if the image that Saad uploaded to the system (which by the way does not qualify as advice) is the one that is required for this exercise, I cannot base any content comments on that either. Next time, try to upload a complete scan of the image instead of separating the instructions from the actual image. Everyone else here does their image uploading in the same way. Don't forget, you can also ask for help from the admin with regards to the image uploading problem the next time you encounter it.  
  
I will tell you this about your essay, you need to create a uniform set of information presentation for the 4 paragraphs. Each paragraph is 3-5 sentences long only, without run-on sentences. Extra long sentences connected by commas create C&C plus GRA issues that eventually end up lowering your score to the lowest level possible for both considerations.  
  
You also did not create a proper summary overview for presentation in any part of the essay, which is a TA scoring deduction. So between the 3 possible major scoring deductions for your essay, it doesn't look like you will get a very good score for this paper had this been an actual test. The summary overview should summarize the topic, reason for the discussion, measurement metrics, trending sentence, and instruction for discussion. These information can't be found anywhere in the essay that you wrote.
Thanks for the reminder, I just starting using this forum so good to know. I have also tried to upload a complete scan but still doesn't work. I will try to do something else next time.  
  
Thanks for the advice, I just start preparing IELTS, indeed I didn't plan each paragraph well enough before writing it. I will pay extra attention next time. And by the way what Saad uploaded was the graph of this one, though I don't see it now.
@Holt  
I have re-written it as below, hope to have some feedbacks on this one. Or any other welcome.  
  
The bar graph illustrates how often Australia men and women in different age groups exercise regularly in 2010. It can be noted that women active physically more than men.  
  
First of all, what stands out from the graph is that there was a upward trend in the number of women who stay physically active from 15 to 54 years old, the highest percentage shown in the female group between age of 45 to 54 at 53.3%. Despite dropping marginally at the age group of 55 to 64 and it declined continuously after they were 65 years old at 47.1%, women still exercise more than men.  
  
If we look at men, having been physically active more than women between 15 to 24 years old, a sudden decrease appeared when men reached their last twenties and it went down to less than 40 % of the male at their early thirties. Although there was a slight increase to more than 40% after they are 45 years old, the percentage was still much lower than women.  
  
Another interesting point is that there was very little difference in the number of both men and women when they reached after 65 years old. More than two-thirds of both genders in Australia who did regular exercise in 2010.