dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Giang, one of the requirements for the review of the task 1 essay at this forum is that you have to upload the image along with your essay for review. The image will be the basis of our analysis of your written work and whether or not you appropriately represented all of the prompt instructions. Without the image, I cannot make a detailed review of your presentation. I hope you remember to upload the image the next time you post a Task 1 essay for review. For now, I will be giving you a generalized review of your essay.  
  
Based on the 190 word count, you obviously wrote more than enough words to meet the minimum 150 word requirement. However, that is not to say that you will score highly just because you wrote almost 200 words. Rather, the development of your word presentation shows that you need to focus on your sentence structure and development so that you will not miss out on key connecting words that help to create the meaning of your sentence. For example:  
  
*Next to houses on the left situated a large park* should instead be;  
  
*The houses on the left are located near a large park.*  
  
or  
  
*A large park is situated on the left of the houses.*  
  
Proper descriptions using appropriate connecting words and descriptive words help the reader to create a mental visualization of the area you are describing and thus, helps to accurately move your analysis forward in its presentation.
*Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school.  
Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?*  
  
## IELTS 9 - TASK 2 essay

  
  
It is undoubtedly the case that it may have lots of advantages for children to gain the bilingual ability as early as possible. While I accept this may be a good option for many parents, I believe that there are some disadvantages for learning at the period of primary school time.  
  
On the one hand, being a foreigner language learner at elementary school for children can make them have advantages when in competition with others. Since it has already an international society, there are so many opportunities to use a foreign in our daily life, it is better for pupils to learn a new language as soon as possible. Secondly, it is said that children who received a language training under certain age may learn more effectively than those who start to learn later as the former ones have more potential in memory things. If children begin learning a new language before entering secondary school, they may have more chances to link what they have learnt from the lesson with the daily life experiences.  
  
On the other hand, I believe that there are still some drawbacks if parents urge their children to learn another language at their primary school time. Firstly, children at primary school have just transferred their learning environment from last stage, facing lots of challenges they have not met before and trying to adapt everything new to them. With so many new tasks and the upcoming pressure on academic performance. Learning another new language may be stressful for some pupils. Secondly, the primary school time should be a period which pupils can explore their interests in different subjects. From my perspective, it would be better for children to learn a second language at secondary school. At then, children know about what they eager for and are able to deal the stress from their academic performance well.  
  
My conclusion is that there may be some good points to learn a second language at primary school. However more drawbacks come after that may result in influence of studying performance and the happy childhood.
Kristy, I don't think that you are familiar with the discussion requirements, per paragraph of the task 2 essay. The opening paragraph is used to score your TA abilities. That is why the first paragraph requires you to present your own understanding of the discussion topic, based on the original presentation, as well as your ability to follow English instructions. That is why you are supposed to paraphrase the first paragraph of the essay. The best way to have done this is something like this:  
  
*The education experts are convinced that unfamiliar languages should be taught to youngsters in elementary school. While other schooling authorities think that teaching foreign languages would be more effective when done in high school. I believe that it is disadvantageous to study the unfamiliar languages in primary school for a few reasons.*  
  
Remember, the first paragraph is all about proving your English comprehension skills. Which is why it has to be presented in a specific manner with clear requirements. The example I provided above is one of the various ways that you can develop for this sort of presentation.  
  
By the way, the prompt contains the word "or" in the portion about the advantage "or" disadvantage. The presence of that word indicates that you can only discuss one side of the essay topic using 3 separate reasons. Every reason gets its own paragraph. So in the second paragraph where you present a first and second reason, you should have presented only one reason per paragraph. That way, you fully utilize the body of paragraphs in the supporting evidence manner that it was meant to do. Each paragraph needs to be completed in 5 sentences that indicate a topic sentence, one reason, one supporting explanation, one example, then the transition sentence for the next paragraph. That is how you gain the maximum potential for each paragraph that you write.  
  
Another thing, please make sure that you do not continue the discussion of a new reason in your closing paragraph. That is meant to accomplish the following only:  
  
1. Restate the discussion topic  
2. Present your opinion in a new manner  
3. Summarize the reasons that you discussed in the essay (use 2 sentences if necessary)  
4. Deliver a closing sentence.  
  
I won't focus on your language issues as the moment because you were not able to present an accurate discussion based on the prompt requirements anyway. I would like you to first focus on understanding the various methods that the Task 2 essays ask the test takers to discuss the prompts. You can do that by reading the various examples of these essays on this forum. Once you understand what each prompt requires you to discuss and how, then we can focus on improving your English written language skills.
## carbon dioxide emanation

  
  
The line graph illustrates changes in carbon dioxide emissions in four different countries, UK, Sweden, Italy and Portugal from 1967 to 2007. Overall, carbon dioxide emissions were increased per person in Italy and Portugal and declined in the United Kingdom and Sweden in 2007.  
  
In 1967 people exhausted around 11 tonnes of carbon dioxide in the UK.It remained a gradually downward trend for 40 years. Although it had a dramatic rise around two tonnes in Sweden in 1977, it dropped significantly to five tonnes in 2007.  
  
However, it had a different trend in Italy and Portugal.By 1967, carbon dioxide emissions per person were approximately four and two tonnes in Italy and Portugal.Sweden was overtaken by Italy which had a slight rise from four to eight tonnes between 1967 and 2007. As well as Portugal increased markedly to around fivefold emissions.  
  
To conclude, there are two countries, Sweden and Portugal that had an obvious difference even though they differ eight-fold tonnes in 1967 while carbon dioxide emissions in Sweden and Portugal that had similar tonnes in 2007.
Luo, where is the line graph illustration? You should have uploaded it with this essay in order for me to be able to review your response in relation to the provided information. I cannot accurately review your topic, based on the scoring criteria, without the drawing. Since I can only give you one free advice, I am really sad that you wasted the opportunity for you to receive a professional review for your work. Please remember to upload the image next time otherwise, you can't expect to get advice that can actually help you improve your work in the Task 1 essay presentation.  
  
The most obvious problem of your essay is the way that your paragraphs are not really paragraphs which are threshed out and developed in presentation and explanation. You only have 2 sentences per paragraph which is one sentence below the minimum 3 sentence requirement (maximum is 5). That indicates that you have created a series of run on sentences within the essay. This constant run- on presentation will result in a failing score in the GRA section, as well as the C&C section because you failed to show your ability to write your sentences in a simple and/or complex variety per paragraph. That is the biggest problem with this essay at this point.
## IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - Pie charts

  
  
The pie charts given illustrate the countries where they have coffee harvest and coffee consumption. The figures also mention the economic outcome from coffee in different stages of production. Overall, the place with the high rate of coffee produced was not equivalent to a high rate of using or making a profit.  
  
South America was responsible for the greatest rate of coffee production, 44% to be precise, while that only reached to nearly a half with 17% in Central America. Interestingly, when combined, the figure for South America still beat those for the remaining nations by 5%. In terms of consumption, it was reported that Europe had the first rank of spending on coffee at 55%, whereas, only 27% of that was contributed by other country, followed by North America and Japan, 11% and 7% respectively.  
  
Interestingly, according to the last figure, total earning for the producer and explorer just was under a half of the seller, which reached to 25%. Nevertheless, the shipper by far accounted for the highest proportion of total profits among these states with 55%.  
  
*
ThaoNhi, your essay needs to produce a 4 paragraph essay in order to be considered fro a qualifying score. With only 3 paragraphs indicated, this shows that there are portions of the essay information that you neglected to cover in your report. That is why, even though you wrote 179 words, there will be a question as to whether or not this essay will be able to gain a proper, passing score in an actual setting.  
  
For starters, the essay presents a summary overview but it is an incomplete overview because of certain important, but omitted information in the paragraph. You failed to mention that the information was collated from various around the world, collated into 3 regions. Each region had it share of comparison notes and that these comparison notes were never the same for any region and therefore, will not be compared for similarities as the prompt requests. The inclusion of this minute information would have created a stronger and higher TA score for this sort of essay. It would have also, helped you create the required 4 paragraph discussion.  
  
Next, Since there are 3 pie charts presented, and you required a 4 paragraph essay, then each pie chart information, per region, should have been presented as a separate paragraph. After all, the individualized presentations will have helped to make it clear that there are no comparison points for any of the same criteria per country due to the clearly varying percentages presented for the 3 report topics.  
  
Finally, your final paragraph is just one long run on sentence. Remember, you are scored on your ability to create complete paragraphs until the end of the essay. That means, you should not suddenly feel a need to just get it over with in terms of data presentation so you just write 2 extremely long sentences when the correct presentation would have been to break it up into 3 up to 5 sentences in order to assist you in the creation of simple and complex sentence presentations in the essay.
*Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree?*  
  
## job satisfaction is more vital, money is less significant

  
  
In the modern era, money has become an essential part of everyday life. There are those who say that the worker should choose a job with high wage, however others believe that people who is seeking an occupation should think about job satisfaction. This essay will examine both sides of the argument and provide an overall opinion. Generally speaking, there are is a wide range of reasons why people believe that big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Perhaps the main reason why people are favour of this ideas is because money in very crucial and necessary for survival and make people lead a happy life. This is because everybody needs money to pay for cost of living and money also helps quality of people life is better and happier. In addition, when people have a job with a high salary, it makes them feel satisfied and they do not care anymore what kind of job they do. As a result, people can enjoy their life.  
  
Despite these arguments, there is also a case for the idea that job satisfaction is more vital than the work which is a big salary. Perhaps the main reason why people think that it keeps people motivated and people can promote at work. As a result, people have a chance to lead a career growth and going to set up own company. Moreover, money does not matter as people do the work they love. For example, a lot of famous people around the world say they choose their job because of passion such as Henry Miller, a famous writer.  
  
In conclusion, this is a topic which is very relevant to modern society. I am of the opinion that job satisfaction is more important than high salary because if people can do the job that they love, they not only earn money, they also live with it. Everybody has its own strengths so discover them.
Phạm, the minute that you changed the discussion format for this essay, you already assured yourself of a failing score. When you proved that you could not appropriately address the prompt requirements as outlined in the Task Accuracy section, the examiner already made up his mind to fail you in this essay. Why did he decide on that? The reason is simple, you were asked to agree or disagree with the statement instead, you opted to examine both sides and offer a personal opinion. 2 sets of instructions that is not included in the original prompt. Let me show you exactly how you made this mistake:  
  
*Original Discussion Instruction: Do you agree or disagree?  
Your Discussion Instruction: This essay will examine both sides of the argument and provide an overall opinion.*  
  
See the difference? The original requirement was a single sided opinion discussion. Your version, creates a comparative analysis essay with a personal opinion to boot. This is definitely not what the original instruction is about. Hence, the automatic failing score.  
  
Regardless of how you discussed the rest of the essay, which by the way, is short of the 5 paragraph requirement and also does not follow the maximum 5 sentence requirement per paragraph (even more reason to fail the essay in terms of C&C and GRA considerations), it does not erase the fact that you showed a lack of understanding of the English language when it comes to following instructions. That is why this essay is not going to get you a passing score in terms of any major scoring considerations.
I believe this is an academic essay and thus, you should avoid using words such as there are there is a lot of etc  
~~There are~~ those who say ...  
  
... favour of this ideas is because money ...  
  
It should be idea instead of ideas,  
This is because everybody needs money to pay for cost of living and money also helps quality of people life is better and happier.  
This sentence is a bit confusing, especially the last part,  
This is because everybody has to cover their cost of living and that money improves the quality of people's life.  
Your vocabulary is quite simple as well.
Hellooo Natalia..., I have read your response and please allow me to give you valuable feedback for the essay in order that you can achieve better improvements for the next writing. Let me start with the question as you are being asked to discuss opinion whether you are pros or cons towards the case for "high salary is by far more essential than job satisfaction". As we can see from your thesis statement, it seems that such statement fails to raise the issue. This is because you attempt to discuss both views, while the rubric asks you stand in one sided opinion (see the word "OR"). If you do this in the real exam, then this leads to score lower. For the next improvement, it is always better to peruse the question more closely prior to starting writing this essay. By doing so, you thoroughly know what to write, and this helps you score better.  
  
Opening paragraph:  
One easy way to tackle this is to paraphrase the rubric and state your claim. If you could, then starting with general ideas as to introduce the topic is one of the best approaches to do. Let me give you an example of this:  
  
- *The number one reason people stay working in the same company for years is the huge amount of money they earn. While this is true to some extent, it is claimed that the other factor like job satisfaction should be taken into consideration. For my perspective, I would agree with the former notion because amount of money given fulfills workers' needs, and if this happens continuously, then this leads to a happy life.*  
  
As it can be seen from the example above, I develop my opening paragraph into three sentences, which consist of background information, the introduction of the topic, and the claim.  
  
Body paragraphs:  
- Leave one line every time you write a new paragraph. From the essay, it seems that you forget to skip a space in paragraph 1. As a result, such part looks too bulky> Starting to introduce your claim as the first thing to do when it comes to body paragraph. This can be done easily by restating your thesis statement. Here are you being tested in paraphrasing skills. Let me give you an example:  
  
Claim: amount of money given fulfills workers' needs  
Topic sentence in para 1: Although salary is only one part of compensation, a few extra amount of which can be used to pay the need for expenses is what more workers tend to achieve.  
  
Please learn from my sample. Now it is your task to accomplish the second topic sentence of body paragraph 2.  
  
Closing paragraph:  
I cannot even see any overall progression in this paragraph. It is suggested that you wrap up the main ideas from two body paragraphs, and then leave you personal view towards the issue. By doing so, your conclusion sounds more convinced.  
  
Good luck. Hope this helps  
- Eddy Suaib :)
## eco-awareness in energy industry

  
  
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*Solar energy is becoming more and more popular as a source of household energy in many countries around the world. Why is this? What are the advantages and disadvantages of solar system?*  
  
When it comes to the power resources, fossil fuels, coal and nuclear power play the important role in today's world. However, they all have their own limitations, for instance, fossil fuels emits carbon to the atmosphere, accelerating global warming and as it is consumed, it gone forever. As for nuclear power, we are concerned about the safety issue and how to deal with the radioactive pollutions. As the result, many governments and experts start to find other alternative sources of energy.  
  
With its renewable, abundant, sustainable qualities, solar system starts to gain its influence on the world stage. It's definitely a better energy resource compared with traditional resources. Firstly, we don't have to worry about one day the energy resource will be run out, because the sunlight is unlimited. Secondly, there are no noise impact, because there are no moving parts in the devices, which has advantages over other green-techs such as wind turbines. Lastly, the most importance is there is no contaminations and toxic chemicals to pollute the environment.  
  
On the contrary, expensive devices, such as the solar panel on the roof and solar cell are a big amount of money for average families and governments should also plan an large budget on the constructions, like solar storage. Besides, we know that the sunlight is limited in certain time and it's alway difficult to predict nature rhythm, in this case, its intermittence also brings some inconveniences.  
  
To sum up, with the growing of eco-awareness, i would prefer that people should expand the usage of solar system in view of the environmental friendly aspect. However, in order to promote the using of solar system, governments should give more financial support on the basic constructions at the same time.
*Some people say that in all levels of education, from primary schools to universities, too much time is spent on learning facts and not enough on practical skills.  
  
Do you agree or disagree?*  
  
## the point is an useful knowledge

  
  
There is no doubt that pedagogy has evolved constantly weeding out and incorporating a multitude of aspects.Whilst some advocate that these changes are beneficial taking into account the factual information grasped by the pupils, others argue that these are incapable to supplement the essential skills required. Personally, I am inclined to the view that schools - from primary to tertiary - must not take the required skills for granted as it could be detrimental to their career growth.  
  
The main reason for studying practical skill is to increase the employability of a job aspirant. Clearly, researchers of All India Council for Technical Education (AICTE) say that only 15% of the total engineers in India are capable of an engineering career.This explains why there are numerous potential engineers unemployed particularly in India. What is more, spoon feeding - giving all information rather than encouraging to find them - spoils the student as they incapable search for required information or improvise their method on their own. Obviously, This could prove fatal in case of physicians where mere textbook facts are not enough to deal with the complications they face with the patients such as a bizarre surgery outcome.  
  
Secondly, in spite of mugging up a lot of information, pupils are unable to apply them. This is particularly disadvantageous for a technically sound person who cannot express his ideas due to a communication problem. Furthermore, lack of morale could even cause catastrophic results: aeroplane accident caused by the pilot in 2005 in France due to inappropriate coordination - pilot could not effectively communicate with ground staff when the fuel was low which claimed 312 lives.  
  
In conclusion, I would like to reiterate that grasping chunks of knowledge with no basis to apply them anywhere is useless. It is recommended that all young people should be trained well with technical and soft skills needed to thrive in their lives.
Whenever you are writing an essay that requires you to take a position such as this(agree/disagree), you must to clearly state your position. you should agree or disagree or partially agree/disagree to the statement, in which case you must concisely gave reasons for taking that position. However, your essay have not really demonstrated that in anyway.  
  
Secondly, you must revised, in it entirety, your second paragraph in order for it meaning to be understood. presently the paragraph is vague, with a lot of grammatical and typographical errors, and lacking logical connection that hampers it overall meaning.  
  
Lastly, its based on the points/reasons you states in your essay, you will come to conclusion. conclusion mostly summarize your points and reemphasize your position you took.  
  
therefore, I suggest you go through the essay allover again and make corrections.  
  
I hope you find this helpful.