dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
I think that you should combine some single sentences that will make your essay look more academically. For example, instead of writing:  
"The business models of .... Most of the big brands ..."  
you can change a bit into:  
"The business models ... have been changing rapidly by using online platforms, especially in big companies". This not only keeps the same meaning of your sentences but also avoids using 2 times of word "sell". Remember the simpler your sentences are, the more professional your essay is.
The discussion topic for this essay required you to agree or disagree with the given prompt. Since you did a comparative discussion explaining why shops and towns in cities will be closing. It is easy to understand why you will get a failing score for this essay. You are given a major score based on your understanding of the discussion instruction and how you present it in the essay. Since you did not properly respond to the question which was; "Do you agree or disagree?"  
  
You will lose a majority of your points for not providing a clear opinion on the topic. This non-response will force the examiner to score you lower than expected in the TA section. However, since your discussion shows an opinion slant, then he will score you positively on those sections. However, you will lose points again when it gets to the end where you say the situation is a win-win for the manufacturer. That was not the topic, nor the question posed, which will further reduce your TA score.  
  
Always pay attention to the discussion instructions. Make sure you understand what format your response has to be presented in. Stick to that response justification and discussion throughout your presentation. Do not deviate. That is how you fail the test.
## various perspectives on changing teacher regularly

  
  
Based on some opinion, unchanging teacher for a long studying period is significantly beneficial for students, while other people hold the belief that students could gain more advantages if they have their tutor changed every year. Personally judging, the merits which a familiar instructor can bring to learners outweigh those of new teacher, as students and tutor have a deep connection, which makes their academic process more efficient.  
  
Regarding the reason supporting for having teacher unchanged, they should be the same with their students because they have already known their students well, which benefits their process of knowledge accumulation. In detail, students have been used to the familiar teaching methodology that makes them comfortable to study, so it is easier and faster to comprehend the lessons. In contrast, due to the absolutely different teaching style that students have never witnessed before, to understand and get the hang of lectures, students have to spend extra time to start getting used to with new teachers and the very first lessons seem to be inefficient, which is time-consuming.  
  
Analyzing the remain reason that backs the favored option, since the old teacher and learners are associated with each other, the process of studying is unlimited in theory-oriented subjects. In fact, the teacher would like to share their practical experience as well as social knowledge in larger extended aspects of life that they have gained as a precedent. Therefore, whereas the teacher students know well would be reliable and worthy trusting, there is till some little suspicion of the new-comers' ability, who seemingly find it hard to create a vibrant learning atmosphere for students and is unlikely to open their heart when sharing personal helpful experience.  
  
In conclusion, people may have various perspectives to changing teacher regularly. However, the same intimate teacher would help students gain more progress in the process of knowledge acquisition.
You forgot to give me a sample of the discussion topic and instructions from the original assignment. Please remember to do that again when you post your next essay. Thanks.  
  
Based on this particular writing, you were able to highlight a connected discussion within your 2 discussion topics. This indicates both a cohesive and coherent discussion on your part. Although the grammar was not perfect, the fact that the discussion paragraphs supported your opinion and the reasons in each paragraph, even when reversed, means that you did an acceptable job of explaining your reasons.  
  
You were a bit over the suggested word count though. 309 means you type fast, but, that does not assure you of a high score. I would rather you write 275-290 words and spend the rest of the time paying attention to and correcting your grammar errors. That way you can increase your chances of getting a better, higher score overall.  
  
Spelling Errors:  
\* Please note that the UK and American English vocabulary spell words differently. Familiarize yourself with the UK spelling and use it whenever possible.  
Analyzing (US) - Analysing (UK)  
favored (US) - favoured (UK)  
  
Word Choice Error:  
... there is till some - ... still some...  
  
There were some times when you used complicated words in place of simpler, clearer words in the essay. However, I did not consider these errors as the words were used in the right manner and would help to increase your LR score due to the more advanced word presentation.
## dangerous advertisement

  
  
In today's fast-developed world, advertising has become one of the most effective methods to promote a new products.However some companies tend to advertise related to small children and some people think that it's unethical. From my point of view, I totally agree with the statement due to negative effects on the children's mental and physical health.  
  
First of all, a lot of items need children customer. They will be bankrupted because of them. For instance, chocolate and fast food industries depend greatly on teenager and teen because they sometimes don't have enough time to eat full breakfast in the morning,..Therefore, fast food is a good choice.  
  
Secondly,while companies gain profit, children have to bear the losses. Why? Because they are too young to distinguish advertising whether it's good or bad. They just see an advertisement that has a funny poster suitable for their age, then they will be convinced that they really need to buy and ask for money from their parents. This only costs you more money.  
  
Lastly, probably the most sophisticated marketing for children is the exchange forward they can have after doing something. However, the gifts are often old-fashioned or expired. Children can turn into a sale promoters.  
  
In conclusion, the acts of advertising can be beneficial in some aspects but it still has some disadvantages that should correct.Parent also should take responsibility in taking care of children from dangerous advertisement
Unfortunately, you did not write enough words for this essay for the examiner to consider giving you a passing score. The reason you will have a hard time achieving the 5 band score is because you under wrote in the essay. You only have 234 words out of 250 words written. The percentage of point deductions for your essay in terms of TA considerations will be marked. It can prevent the essay from achieving a passing score.  
  
Aside from the point deductions for the missing words, you will also receive points deductions for the LR, GRA, plus C&C scoring sections. Always try to write at least 250 words to avoid being penalized for the word count. If you can avoid a word count penalty, you will have a better chance of achieving a passing score. Just make sure that your essay responds properly to the prompt requirement.  
  
By the way, I cannot assess your essay for prompt responsiveness because you did not provide the complete, original prompt for your response essay. I really need you to provide that next time so that I can give you a full review for your work. In the meantime, I will do what I can.  
  
Spelling:  
Always remember to separate your word presentations with the space bar. The system detects word form errors as incorrect spelling. That will affect your LR score, even in a manual scoring method.  
  
Do not use ellipses (...) in an academic essay. It creates a casual presentation in what should be an academic presentation.  
  
Grammar:  
No need for the connecting word "a" when a word is presented in plural form. The word "a" connotes a singular form. - ...a new products - ... new products...  
  
Use a comma after an introductory word : However, some companies...  
Singular - Plural word usage error: Children can turn into a sales promoter - ... can turn into sales promoters.  
  
These are but a few of the errors that I found in your essay. There are other errors existing but I believe these are the most important errors in your essay that need to be addressed.
## Boosting productivity and living standards

  
  
Concerning the issue of economic development, people hold different views. An army of people consider that economic growth helps standard of living to impro while others claim social value is lost as a result. This essay will discuss both views from multi aspects.  
  
First of all, I would like to mention about the benefits of expansation of economy. Facts indicate, economic boosting creates work for people to fufil their consumption and upgrade living standard. Moreover, it bring money to national budget. Hence, goverment has foundation to improve infrastructure such as hospital, school, road system to chang the ouut look of a country and meet the demand of citizens better. In addition, it supplies the plat form for other fields. For example : It helps invest in science and technology to invent new machines to modernize the society.  
  
Nonetheless, It is undeniabe that short comings of economic development need pondering. We should consider pollution of air and environment. For example : People exploit natuural resources and release a huge amount of garbage, exhaust gas to serve production. Besides, the more society develops, the busier people are. People pay attention to livelihood and they do not care about others such as neighborship or familyu sentiment.  
  
In conclusion, for all reasons mentioned aboved, it can be affirmed that economic development is an inevitable result of modern society. However, each person should live a positive life style and balance time for work and family.
Your essay will definitely receive notable percentage deductions due to the 10 missing words that would have allowed you meet the minimum 250 word requirement. Please remember that you have to meet the minimum word count so that your essay can receive proper scoring assessments for each criteria. Writing within the 275-290 word count is the ideal essay presentation. It will allow you to better present your writing skills based on the scoring considerations.  
  
Without the full and correct prompt, I cannot assess the content of your essay in terms of response requirements and proper response formatting. I find myself confused as to what the proper response approach would be for this discussion. That is something that becomes clear to me when I know the actual prompt. It will also allow me to give you the correct improvement suggestions for your writing shortcomings. Please remember to do that next time.  
  
As for some problems I found in your essay:  
  
Spelling:  
aboved - above  
expansation - expansion  
fufil - fulfill  
goverment - government  
chang- change  
ouut - out  
undeniabe - undeniable  
natuural - natural  
familyu - family  
  
Word usage:  
life style - lifestyle  
bring - brings  
out look - outlook  
  
Writing Rules:  
Do not capitalize the letter I unless used in first person pronoun form in a sentence or, when used to indicate a proper noun  
  
These are the errors that I noticed in your essay. I did not look into your presentation as, like I previously indicated, the essay does not meet the minimum word count so it will have points deductions for that, along with other deductions, per scoring consideration, based on the scoring criteria. It is not going to achieve a passing score anyway.
## The ways of dealing with crime

  
  
It is true that prison is a general solution of dealing with crime. However, some people believe that the more effective way is to provide better education for citizens. I disagree with this opinion.  
  
On the one side, it is obvious that prison is such an effective way to cope with crime as a whole. Firstly, a policy of zero tolerance definitely  
  
helps to deter a large numbers of criminals with tough punishment. For example, in some countries, murderers have to serve a long prison sentence or even be sentenced to capital punishment which would raise people‟s awareness of serious consequence of committing crime. Secondly, offenders who are in prison do not have ability to harm the society. As a result, innocent people will feel more safer, and can completely concentrate on their work.  
  
On the other side, education is also a factor contributing to the effort of reducing crime. Students who have full perception of legislation are not prone to fall fouls of the law. For example youngsters who participate in some course of driving laws in school would understand the importance of safety in driving more thoroughly. Furthermore, education in prison is an alternative/ effective way to help criminal reintegrate back into society after serving prison sentences. They, therefore, will be given a chance of rehabilitation to embark on something fresh, and avoid the risk of making mistakes again in the future.  
  
In conclusion, I disagree that education is better than prison in solving the problem of crime. However, both solutions have their own advantages and they are equally important.
Since this is a simple agree or disagree essay, you should not use the comparison format for the discussion. The only side that must be discussed here is your disagreement. You have to use 2 related reasons for your disagreement. The 2 related reasons should be presented within 2 separate paragraphs. That means, you use one topic per paragraph. Each paragraph must be fully explained and supported by an example in order to be considered clear and fully developed by the examiner.  
  
Your essay conclusion is incorrect as you offered a restatement of the prompt and your opinion, but then inserted a reference to an advantage comparative discussion which altered your response. Your answer now went from a disagreement to a comparative discussion that indicated the importance of both discussion responses (Agree / Disagree). The concluding paragraph should have instead, just repeated the topic sentence, your opinion, and your 2 related reasons.  
  
Your essay cannot receive a passing score when your overall presentation tends to present a confusing opinion. If you cannot present a solid opinion and offer supporting information for it, then the examiner will score you based on the fact that you do not have a clear opinion presented.
## part-time job for teenagers

  
  
Topic:In some places, teenagers are encouraged to get part-time jobs while they are still in school.  
Do the advantages of teenagers working outweigh the disadvantages?  
  
I am going to take the ielts exam at the end of this month.So I really want you to help me correct this essay.Thanks in advance.  
  
Here is my essay:  
  
It is true that these days more part-time jobs are stimulated for adolescents to pick up while they are still in school in many places. Despite some obvious advantages of this issue, I would argue that these are outweighed by the disadvantages.  
  
On the one hand, there are two major benefits when teenagers take a part-time work. Firstly, starting to work at a young age prepares children more adequately for adult life. It teaches them how to react and behave in situations they would not encounter at home or at school. For example, many teenagers with a part-time job can easily adapt to life compare to the others. Secondly, children often have to work part-time to help their parents make end meet which also makes them appreciate the value of hard work and money.  
  
On the other hand, I believe that the drawbacks are more than such advantages. One reason for this view is that children could not possibly do a job with school duties and extracurricular activities. If teenagers have to work part-time, their study could not be totally concentrated which leads to a poor academic result later. Besides, having to work and go to school at the same time would greatly reduce the amount of time children can spend with their parents or their friends. Another reason is that adolescents are vulnerable and can be easily exploited by employers. In some developing countries, children do manual labour under terrible conditions that can be a severe problem to their health.  
  
In conclusion, it seems to me that the disadvantages of part-time job for teenagers are more significant the the advantages.
You clearly understood the topic for discussion. You also knew exactly how to format your essay based on the discussion instruction. Your use of the A/D discussion was the correct format for this essay. However, you should have paid more attention to developing your discussion points. Since the essay calls for an A/D on the plural side, you should have used 2 A/D discussions in the following format:  
  
- 1 Topic sentence (A or D). Use group pronouns to signify that you do / do not support this statement.  
- One reasoning sentence in support / non-support of the discussion  
- One opposing sentence (A or D). Make sure to use first person pronouns to clearly indicate you are in favor of / not in favor of this discussion topic and not the former.  
  
- One example sentence  
- One supporting explanation to strengthen the opposing sentence and example  
  
Do that twice for the reasoning paragraphs. In order to create a properly developed and clear paragraph presentation. You should use only one topic sentence per paragraph. Otherwise, you leave the second reason presented in the same paragraph little developed. It requires more explanation but you have already run out of space to develop that particular discussion topic.  
  
That is the reason why you have to use only one topic per paragraph. You can use up to 6 sentences to clearly explain one topic. However, presenting a second discussion within the same paragraph will make the format hard to read. So separate the second reason. It will give you more room to properly explain the second reason and will help you better address the plurality requirements of the discussion.  
  
You should really try to write at least 275 - 290 words for this essay. It will help you better present your writing abilities and increase your overall scoring consideration. If you make sure to write 3-5 sentences for the paraphrase and another 3-5 for the concluding paraphrase, you will meet that suggested word requirement. It will make a big difference in your scoring potential.
Task 2:  
***Modern lifestyle means that many parents have little time for their children. Many children suffer because they do not get as much attention from their parents as children did in the past.  
  
## Do you agree or disagree?***  
  
In recent decades, the rapid increase in labor force participation has dramatically affected the child-care time of parents. Although some argue that this tendency causes disadvantages to children, there are a large number of benefits that children receive from this trade-off.  
  
It is clear that less time with children acts as an incentive for child development. First, if parents spend quality and meaningful time playing with their kids instead of quantity of time, they are likely to value the time and do not take children for granted. In fact, this not only benefits close relationships with children but also enhances unconditional love of parents, especially fathers. Second, since children do not put up with strong leadership of parents, they have a tendency to be more independent and intrinsically creative, which will be conducive to either their social life or work in the future. This means that being less reliant on others when tackling small issues such as homework or games ensures children not to be susceptible to big troubles in real life.  
  
Also, reducing time for children contributes to a better quality of life. First, by determining to work long hours, parents are likely to earn more money at the expense of child-care time, which provides children with good nutrition and health care. In fact, without working hard to earn a living, parents have to cut back on their spending of food to ensure stability in a rocky economic environment. Second, in order to afford expensive and luxury holidays for children, it requires extensive work hours for parents. As a result, children feel happier when having joyful time with their parents rather than daily schedules at home.  
  
In conclusion, less time but intensive care of parents not only brings children good development but also improves the quality of their entire life.
Your approach to the essay discussion is not based on the required format. You have made a mistake in understanding the discussion requirements. That is why you made a mistake in your discussion approach to the essay. Please look at the comparison points below to further understand how you made the mistake.  
  
*Discussion Question: Do you agree or disagree?  
Response: Although some argue that this tendency causes disadvantages to children, there are a large number of benefits that children receive from this trade-off.*  
  
As you can see, the discussion instruction asks you to base your response on the "agree or disagree" question. You responded in an advantage v. disadvantage format. You did not respond in the expected format. The examiner will see this error and understand that you did not understand the discussion instructions. That is why you did not properly respond to the question provided and you did not base your response on the suggested approach either.  
  
Again, you used a comparison discussion for a single opinion defense essay. That is why the essay will not get a passing score. You failed to properly understand the discussion requirement (agree or disagree) and discussion format (single opinion reasoning). Luckily, this is your first practice essay and we caught your weakness early on. There is still time to correct your error.  
  
I would advise you to not write another Task 2 essay until you have familiarized yourself with the various discussion formats and approaches that the test requires. Once you are familiar with the proper approaches, then you can try to write another essay. You don't have to go far, just read the Similar Discussions [+] thread above. That will get you started on the familiarization road.  
  
I know that you are capable of writing a large amount of English words. However, if you not responding in the correct manner to the discussion presentation, then that ability will not be able to help you pass the test. Long essays are never an assurance of a passing score. So forget the length, focus on a proper response approach first. As long as you write at least 250 words, you will stand a better chance of passing the test. It is your ability to follow instructions that will be scored, not your ability to type hundreds of words within 40 minutes.