dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
In the summary overview, the information regarding the list of countries in relation to the years indicated should have been separated through the use of a comma. The reason? The information in the sentence is related but refers to different areas of connected information.  
  
With the trending statement, the writer creates a confusing time reference through the sentence set up referring to current movement, then suddenly shifting to past movement. This coherence error occurred twice in this presentation. These must consistently be presented in previous time reference settings since the years and actions have already taken place.  
  
The writer needs to learn more about punctuation usage in relation to grammar clarity. He often neglects to use a comma or period, or other forms of punctuation throughout the essay. Lack of proofreading left these errors in place where, in an actual test, the errors would result in direct GRA point deductions. Editing and finalizing the content after the first writing will often reduce these errors and deductions.
## The Blend of Traditional and Modern Medicine

  
  
It is true that there is an increasing number of people who endure various kinds of illnesses and many of which cannot be cured by contemporary medicines due to the modern lifestyle. Therefore, some people claim that it is time to shift towards traditional medicines. From my perspective, people should maintain the use of modern medicines.  
  
On the one hand, there are some reasons that traditional medicines can be beneficial to some extent. The main one is that most of the local drugs are much safer for people's well-being since they contain natural medicinal herbs. Recent research has shown that these medicines cause little or no side effects on patients thanks to their natural components. Traditional medicines are likely to effectively treat many different illnesses, however, it takes a relatively long period of time to recover completely. Thus, some people lose their patience to continue taking traditional medicines.  
  
On the other hand, it is undeniable that the fast-paced progression of modern medicine brings various advantages. Firstly, these medicines are always strictly censored by qualified people in National Agency for Food and Drug Administration and Control before hitting the market, meaning that people's health will be guaranteed based on clinical evidence and science. Secondly, contemporary medicines have the ability to cure some illnesses caused by a sedentary lifestyle. A person who suffers from obesity can use Orlistat for restraining their eating habits, which is one of the treatments recommended by FDA and other specialists, for example.  
  
In conclusion, while I agree with the view that traditional drugs are advantageous in some cases, I still maintain that the most effective way to fight illnesses should be modern medicines. In my opinion, it would be better if people combine treatment with both traditional and modern medicines as each remedy has its own merit.
Do not get into the habit of affirming statements within the opening sentence of of the restatement. It unnecessarily changes the discussion topic foundation as it is not a statement included in the first version. It creates a slight topic redirection and will cause deductions in the presentation. Stick to a restatement that does not offer a change in topic focus or foundation. For basic opinion idea rephrasing, use only 3 - 4 sentences:  
  
- Reword the idea  
- Give your opinion  
- State the 2 basis of your opinion separately  
  
The essay is problematic in the sense that the writer is opposing his own opinion in the 1st reasoning paragraph. As the topic covers a single opinion presentation, his defense of his belief must be based on I strongly supported and explained reasons. Beyond the idea of using specific linking words and other word usage considerations, the main scores will come from the clarity of the opinion as supported by cohesive paragraphs. The cohesiveness disappears when the discussion fails to link both explanatory paragraphs to the writers opinion through related discussion points and transition sentences/ words.  
  
In my opinion, it would be better if ...has its own merit  
This is a misplaced statement. Being an establishing opinion reason statement, it should be placed at the end of the prompt restatement + personal opinion paragraph as it greatly adds to the basis (clarity) of the writers opinion. It is a stronger and more convincing statement than the currently presented opinion presentation. IHad this thesis statement been used early on, the current comparative format would have been perfect for the discussion and produced a high score due to the avoidance of conflicting discussion points in the discussion paragraphs.
## allowing ex-prisoners talk with youth to prevent crime

  
  
It is true that offenders after rehabilitation could indeed be good citizens, and allowing these people to talk to teenagers is the best way to help students gather knowledge about the crime. While I agree with this opinion, I believe that there is still a better method to discourage young people from committing a crime  
  
In my opinion, ex-prisoner have a real experience of crime because are they underwent a long process from committing a crime to imprisonment and becoming free citizens. Therefore they had many experiences with the criminal lifestyle, how they became a criminal and how remorseful they are. While adolescents use to be reluctant to take advice from adults and tend to do the opposite. This method may educate students about the seriousness of crime so they can understand the hazards that are associated with crime.  
  
However, I believe there is still a better solution. One option would be to let police officers visit schools to talk about crime issues. If the policeman talks to students about the danger of breaking the law, teenagers are still knowledgeable about crime without being shocked by the reality. Another option would be to introduce crime as a subject at school. Criminology will be a credible source of information and through this subject, students can have a holistic view of crime. Finally, crime short films could help teenagers imagine the daily life of prisoners. Therefore they would be keen to see the reality of life in incarceration  
  
In conclusion, although people who undergo imprisonment could help to deter young people from committing crimes. I believe we should introduce criminology into the education curriculum  
  
- I need help with my Ielts writing task 2 this is the topic Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
  
Many thanks
The summary restatement is incorrect in format because the first sentence includes an attestation where it is not needed. The truth of the statement is not something that is required by the original discussion, nor is it a part of the original presentation. As this is a part of the writer's personal opinion, it should be included in the personal opinion sentence or, turned into a topic sentence for the reasoning paragraphs. The writer's personal opinion is also problematic as it does not respond using the required format. Rather than saying "while I agree..." the more appropriate format is:  
  
*I find that I am partially in support of this statement. That is because my personal analysis of the situation tells me that there is still a better method to discourage young people from committing a crime.*  
  
The aforementioned opinion accomplishes 2 things:  
- Offers the writer's extent response in a clear manner  
- Indicates the basis of the succeeding discussion paragraphs  
  
Both of these criteria will help the essay gain a better accuracy score since the opinion of the writer will have a strong foundation in terms of discussion paragraphs. His opinion is very clear to the writer in terms of extent and discussion presentation.  
  
There is no need to explain why having criminals talk to young people will work. The point of the essay is to successfully defend your extent response. That means, expanding on the need to introduce crime prevention in the curriculum and, why police officers should be one of the main speakers when it comes to explaining the repercussions of crime to teenagers. The discussion is lacking in proper focus and development since the first reason is not supportive of the writer's opinion. Only one of 2 reasoning paragraphs will receive scoring consideration in this case.  
  
These are the problems that will prove to be score reducing for the student. These could very well prevent him from receiving a passing score or, merely receiving a base passing score. Either way, the student needs to have more understanding of how the response format works in terms of scoring considerations.
***Being able to speak a foreign language is an advantage these days. Some people think that children should start learning a foreign language at primary school, while others think children should begin in secondary school.***  
  
## Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

  
  
Some experts think that the best time for young people to learn a new language is at primary school. While this could bring many benefits and drawbacks. I believe that the advantages are far more than the disadvantages.  
  
Learning a foreign language at primary could have some possible disadvantages. Firstly, it could be a waste of time since children need to focus on other subjects such as math, science, and their own mother tongue language, which they might need it more than the foreign one. Secondly, children may get confused because of learning many languages at the same time and this could have a negative impact on their development. For example, it is claimed that bilingual children develop the ability to talk more slowly than monolingual kids.  
  
On the other hand, I think that children learn faster at a young age because they are less self-conscious and shy. So they can easily pick up the right pronunciation and try to copy it. Furthermore, children enjoy practicing languages through games. Thus, learning and copying others could be fun in itself for them. In other words, for children learning languages is not a hard task as it is for adults. In addition, languages nowadays are as important as science and math. Acquiring an international language like English could be very important for young people to get better job opportunities in the future.  
  
In conclusion, it seems to me that the benefits of teaching children foreign languages as soon as possible outweigh the drawbacks.
The prompt restatement needs more accuracy. The exam taker is expected to rephrase the whole of the original discussion in his writing. It cannot be limited in scope as this will alter the original presentation and create a different discussion target as required. The student has created a selective prompt restatement which will lead to deductions in the score for the restatement section. Although he did present a personal opinion within the same paragraph, it is the lack of proper statement representation that will result on the preliminary score being based on an unrelated discussion. There are several missing key points from the restatement that affected the succeeding presentations in relation to the examiner expected discussion format. As such, the essay will only receive a score for the personal opinion provided. That is 1 out of 3 required discussion representations. This is not a passing score essay.  
  
The writer must familiarize himself with the 2 writing approaches to this type of essay. Either he discusses based on the public opinion + personal point of view or, he presents his opinion as a 3rd paragraph after explaining why the public supports each opinion. This type of discussion cannot be based on a personal opinion alone.  
  
He must also realize that when a discussion of both opinions and a personal opinion are required, the essay cannot use the A v. D approach because that is not the discussion format stated in the original. It is quite possible that the writer is not yet familiar with the various writing styles for the task 2 essay so more familiarity, through reading of various prompts and sample responses is definitely needed. He knows how to present his ideas. It is the way of presenting the ideas in relation to the instructions that prove to be faulty and the cause of the failure of his essay.
***Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible.***  
  
## Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

  
  
Stepping into the 21st century, not only does technological advance provided inexpensive and efforless to equip allow all sorts of employers access to distant working, but it also facilitates the young a virtual classroom approached from home. I believe that inhabitants all over the world benefit from advanced technologies.  
  
To commence, human beings effectively avoid the attack of risky infectious pleagues thanks to the use of technologies. Without daily touching and having a conversation to others, those who work and study at home hardly face up with the capacity of dangerous germs which live through lungs and kidneys in the vast majority. For instance, due to the outbreaking of Covid-19 pandemic, Vietnamese governing agencies have enacted the law for virtual education for both primary, secondary and high schools for a year to control the widespread in society. Students are forced to attend online classroom through Google Meeting or Zoom platform. They are more likely to have access to different teaching methods and visual learning styles. As the result, the percentage of young adolescents infected by Corona virus in 2021 was much lower than the old whilst their learning assessment was still retained.  
  
Moreover, only when staying at home and working by intelligient technologies do workers seize an opportunity to save their transportation expenditure. Because of the limitation of fossil fuels and high expenditure for gas taxes, distantly working from home provides employers with money-savings and they can use them for other special needs. For example, in March 2022, the world's inhabitants had to face up with the everyday increase in gas and fuel price because of the war between Ukraine and Russia. Therefore, IT workers or those who were working for a distant company are the most beneficial ones because they do not need to daily go out for their job. Furthermore, with the development of technology and Internet availability, customers of restaurant could distantly order their food whenever they have a demand. In short, both clients and business companies benefit from that because users are fulfilled their demands and restaurant owners would gain much money thanks to the additional fee of delivery.  
  
To recapitulate, innovation in technology provides human with loads and loads of beneficial features, especially, avoiding infectious diseases and money-savings in transportation.
When writing an opinion essay, the writer must realize that he has to target the completeness by which he presents his information. His opinion must be fully developed and supported by only one example and reason, unless otherwise specified by the writing instructions. Normally, for 2 questions, only one reason is needed and expanded upon in the 2 paragraphs. By concentrating on the development of the explanation, the writer avoids creating under developed reasoning presentationss.  
  
In this particular essay, the writer has a well developed student related reasoning paragraph. He focused on one topic, Covid-19 and its effects on learning, while developing the reasons that these proved to be beneficial in the end for students. The final explanation, using the outcome of the virtual classes was an excellent way to close the paragraph.  
  
The second reason did not fair as well as the first one though. That is because the writer got too busy with providing reasons, rather than providing solid explanations as he did the first time. By providing more than one reason in this paragraph, but not having enough room to fully expand on each discussion, the second discussion topic became superfluous and lacking in explanation development. That situation removed the cohesiveness of the presentation. Food delivery, as a consideration for workers does not really relate to the way that workers complete their jobs remotely. It is a reason that does not fit within the requirements and focus of the original discussion. It should not have been introduced in the paragraph. The focus should have remained work related.  
  
The concluding summary could have been better presented. The reasons provided should have been divided into 2 seperate sentences with a final repeat of the writer's opinion also present in the paragraph. A total of 3 sentences should be present in this paragraph to be considered a complete recap of the previous points.
***Nowadays more and more older people who are looking for work have to compete with younger people for the same jobs.***  
## What problems do this cause?What are some possible solutions?

  
  
Essay:  
  
It is true that the job market has become more competitive between young employees and old ones to apply for the same positions. There are a number of problems has resulted from this tendency and they should be resolve by a number of effective solutions.  
  
There are several of negative outcomes from such a competition between young job applicants and old ones. The first predictable consequence is the abundance of labor resources who are old-age pensioner. Even though there is no doubt the fact that the aging workforce is highly experienced, they seem to be less productive due to their health deterioration. This would negatively influence their job performance at a workplace. Another problem is that old job seekers could not compete with young people in certain fields that not only require great versatility and creativity like sales or marketing but also keep up - to - date with the latest/ changes of technology. Without adequate financial means .Without stable income to support their family and themselves, elderly people might have to live in poverty.  
  
Since such issues are serious, the governments should take steps immediately to address these problems. The first solution is that providing greater job market for senior citizens and utilize both young generations and old ones to train each other. It is government responsibility to invest in creating job opportunities and employ the elderly who are skilled and experienced so as to train younger counterparts. A second measure would be offer training courses for old people in order to boost their technological knowledge. This will reduce the level of competition for the same jobs between two groups of applicants and empower them to increase their chances of getting their wanted positions.  
  
In conclusion, although there are various potential consequences of competing between older people and young ones for the same type of occupations, appropriate steps could be taken to tackle these issues. Therefore, both groups should help each other to improve their weaknesses and provide more job opportunities in society.
Avoid a personal opinion presentation about the truth of a statement in the opening sentence. That isan unnecessary and prompt altering statement that will lower the accuracy score. Any personal news should be stated at the end of the paragraph as an integrated personal statement. The first paragraph is extremely weak as it does not provide a proper discussion basis as required through straight responses to the questions listed.  
  
The first response paragraph is nothing more than a paraphrasing of existing reasons from already existing essays. The same can also be said of the solutions paragraph. Therefore, the writer has not presented original ideas. He has used this essay as a paraphrasing exercise instead. I cannot accurately judge his writing abilities and personal responses in this case.
TASK 2: SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE ONE OF THE BEST WAYS TO SOLVE ENVIRONMENTAL PROBLEMS IS INCREASING THE COST OF FUEL FOR CARS AND OTHER VEHICLES.  
## ***To what extend do you agree?***

  
  
In the modern century, there have been growing concerns from the citizens about environment. This has led to the question whether rising price of fuel is the best solution to environmental issue. This essay will analyze and give the reason why I partly disagree with that point of view.  
  
From one side, one argument put forward in favour of increasing the cost of fuel for vehicles. That is to say, when the price of fuel, namely petroleum, rise significantly, population will tend to cut down the frequency of using cars and other vehicles for saving money. Moreover, this phenomenon will create favorable conditions to promote citizens to use various vehicles which are close to nature including bicycles. By this way, the environment will be decreased the amount of air pollution.  
  
From my point of view, there are a number of arguments in favour of opinion that rising the fuel price to tackle environmental problems will bring more disadvantages. First, this will affect to economy of country. In fact, the price of goods and services will be increased, which can lead to the decrease in the quality of population, especially poor people. In addition, a large number of industries depend on fuel therefor rising cost of this will bring more negatives for society. For instance, tourism and transport industries can be damaged or be force to grow service prices.  
  
In conclusion, although there are arguments of both sides, it is my genuine belief that increasing the cost of fuel is not a good idea for environmental protection
Avoid merely repeating the discussion instructions in the personal opinion presentation. To further add to the strength of your claim, make it a point to include the summarized reasons. These will add clarity to the discussion aim and also prove that the writer's opinion has a simplified but valid basis. The result? Increased accuracy scores.  
  
The writer does a good job of putting forth the reasons why people may support a rise in fuel prices. It is simple, grammatically flawed, but in proper reference to the discussion. However, he should have used more sentences in the presentation to increase the GRA score. One sentence per idea always works best.  
  
The first sentence of the second paragraph is confusing due to its length. It should be stated more directly since it is a topic sentence. Hence:  
  
*From my point of view, there are more disadvantages attached to these advantages.*  
  
Done. Clear and concise. The way the topic sentence should be.  
  
The essay has syntax and sentence structure issues that will affect the final score. The writer needs to make sure to improve in these areas going forward.
## The diagram below show how leather goods are produced

  
  
The provided illustration depicts the information about the making of leather products.  
  
From an overall perspective, the process consists mainly of 11 different steps. Animal skin is being processed through various stages like washing, shocking, flattering and polishing before it gets manufacturing the leather goods out of it.  
  
Initially, animal skin hangs outside to dry it completely where after it gets transported to the factory.  
Here, the animal skin is washed with water and lime composition to wash away all the stains and impurities in the skin. Moreover, the skin again dips inside the lime solution, whereafter it gets through the flattening process with the help of a giant roller, it results in the thin flat skin. After that, this skin gets soaked with water and vegetable matter before getting through the polishing process.  
  
Once the polishing is done, this skin is transported to a firm where leather goods such as shoes, handbags, and balls are made out of this processed animal skin.