dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Quoc, unfortunately, the Task 1 essay requires a minimum of 150 words for the presentation. Since you only wrote 136 words, the essay will get an automatic failing score. If you do not write the minimum number of words, the lacking word count will be deducted from your TA score and result in a failing score for that section. Thus preventing you from achieving a passing score with the remaining 3 scoring basis. Kindly remember to write at least 150 words next time to get full scoring considerations for your work. Writing less than that number automatically indicates a lack of analysis and reporting skills on the writer's part, which is what is being observed and scored in this essay task.  
  
The presentation would have achieved the higher word count have you dedicated one paragraph for every criteria listed in the chart for comparison purposes. You are not to summarize the information in the essay, but rather, analyze how the data for each category represents each country (with comparisons where required) for the proper assessment of the highs and lows of each category. Notice that there are 3 data comparison sections indicated, which would have resulted in the 3 paragraph comparison for the essay, allowing you to present the maximum 4 paragraph essay in the process. As it is, your essay is missing one paragraph. You could have created that paragraph in any manner that you saw fit for the presentation. The problem is that you neglected to do that. Hence the short word / discussion presentation as well.
*Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is better for children to choose jobs that are similar to their parents' jobs than to choose jobs that are very different from their parents' job. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. 390/2 hour*  
  
## parents' job for their kids in the future

  
  
These days, finding appropriate job has become one of the most vital concerns of all societies and this factor can influence many aspects of human's life. The question become more challenging when the impact of parents' job on children's future job and also their life is considered. A controversial question which is often raised regarding this idea is while some people maintain that it is more beneficial for children to follow their parents and choose jobs similar to theirs, there are others holding the view that it is better to be employed in a different job position. I strongly believe that jobs that are similar to parents' job are more convenient for people because not only can they learn easier from their parents, but also they can benefits from the network that they parents' have made during their career path. 135  
  
One of the primary causes is that parents can teach work instructions, methods and knowledge needed to their children more efficiently. Indeed parents can provide their children with valuable work experience that they earned by years of working and experiencing a variety of difficulties for less cost. In other words children can become professional workers and avoid gaining work experience that demands a lot of expenses for example time and money. Moreover, people can benefit from being under tutelage of their sympathetic and compassionate parents as their work instructors. People properly have knowledge of their children, their interests and they talents and as a result they can teach them in a well-wishing and convenient way. 115  
  
But there is a further more subtle point we must consider. By choosing similar jobs children can easily take advantage of having access to the network of people that their parents have made before. In another words it is substantial to consider the significant role of knowing and having connection with right people in work procedures. For example in different situations when a person know whom to contact, he can better fulfill his responsibilities. Apart from this, another important factor for any person to achieve work success is to find trustable people and to gain credit that make him trustworthy to others. In fact, it is essential to have a trustful working relationship with others and people cannot work with each other only based on rules and regulation. Indeed a successful business relationship needs to be more trustful than regulated. 140
Kartik, first of all, remove the "we" and references to time travel with your girlfriend. The reviewer wants only character in this essay, YOU. Don't include additional characters because you are writing an academic essay, not a creative short story. Next, forget creating any time travel rules of your own. This is just a simple essay that you are trying to over complicate in the hopes if impressing the reviewer who only wants you to answer a short question, "How would you spend one year of your life in the past? What year would that be? How would you spend your time enjoying that magical moment?" This is not about changing the past nor rewriting history. This is not about an extended date night with your girlfriend. This is one essay that violates all of the rules of common app essay writing. This is an essay that the reviewer will not finish reading and will not help your application because of how you wrote it.  
  
Write a new essay that deals with one specific moment in history, why you are interested in it and what you would do as a participant (without changing the course of events and history). No Game of Thrones, no change of cannon rules, no time travel theories, just a straightforward, interesting representation of what interests you about the history of man and why you believe that is a pivotal moment in the development of mankind that people should think of revisiting at present.
## IELTS Writing Task 2: Agree or Disagree Essay

  
  
Here is my latest essay on Writing Task 2. Please be free to leave your comments below. Thanks in advance.  
  
**Topic: Some people believe that unpaid community work (for example, working for a charity, teaching sports to children) should become a compulsory part of the high school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
There is a common belief that unpaid community services should be made compulsory for high schoolers. In my opinion, I believe that making community services compulsory should not be exercised in school environment.  
  
Firstly, being forced in welfare works could result in more pressure to high schoolers. Community services often requires to pay a great amount of time, hence, when taking part in these activities, students are more likely to lose concentration on school assignments. This means that many young people, especially who are struggling with their study, might find it challenging to keep a good performance in their academic records. For majority of students, particularly who always desire to get a well-paid job in the future, this would not be a viable option.  
  
Another point to consider is the lack of efficiencies when high school pupils are forced into such kind of activities. It is obvious that young people also have the right and capability to make decision whether or not to contribute to the society. Therefore, unless high schoolers engage in community works with a proper attitude, they would not be willing to learn and do anything. This would eventually go against the school's expectations, which is helping its students foster a strong sense of community in their minds.  
  
In my opinion, instead of making this work mandatory, parents and teachers should encourage and provide their children with opportunities to contribute to the society. By doing this, they can expect these youngsters actually learn from experience of helping others out.  
  
To sum up, I believe that making welfare works compulsory is not a perfect way to equip students with the values that parents and teachers expect them to learn.
You misunderstood the prompt requirement. The discussion instruction asks you to respond to the question "To what extent do you agree or disagree with the given statement?". The response that you wrote speaks of your "belief" regarding compulsory community service. Those are two different responses based on 2 different prompt requirements. Therefore, your prompt paraphrase will result in a failing score for the TA section of your paper, which means the addition of your GRA and C&C problems will result in an overall failing score for your work. Once you make a mistake with the TA representation, there is no way the essay can receive a passing score. Based on this mistake, I will not review the rest of the problems with your essay because this essay has already failed the test.  
  
It would have been alright for you to use the term "believe" in the response sentence, provided that you had added a measurement of response to it. Some samples of these are ; "I totally believe that community service should not be compulsory..." or " I am of the belief that a total implementation of a compulsory community service..." When done in the method that still reflects the measured response requirement, your essay comes across as prompt responsive instead of prompt deviant.
## throwaway society

  
  
**Today people are living in a "throwaway society" where they use things for a short time and then throw it away. What are the causes? And what problems can it lead to?**  
  
In recent years people tend to possess things for a short period of time before getting rid of them. There are a number of reasons why is this the case, and it could have many undesirable consequences.  
  
People today live in a throwaway culture for three main reasons. Firstly, the flourish in the global economy has led to increasing the availability of new cutting-edge products at cheap prices; which encouraged people to buy new possessions and throw away the old ones conversely. Secondly, the humankind tendency of comparing and competing with others creates a culture of showing off and trying to possess the most sophisticated products. For example, people today replace their phones with the last version and their cars with the final model in spite the fact that the old ones can do the same purpose. Finally, the growth in the advertising industry affected people decisions on what to buy in a negative way.  
  
The development of a consumerism society could have a number of drawbacks. From an environmental perspective, throw away culture creates more waste and consumes more natural resource in order to produce them; all of which are harmful to the environment and could be damaging for the planet eco-system. From an individual point of view, this trend could affect one's financial security. When people spend most of their money on buying things they do not actually need, they will eventually sell thing they need. Moreover, the traditional value of sharing and borrowing things will disappear if everyone only relies on themselves and buy whatever they need.  
  
To conclude, throwaway culture can be caused by a variety of reasons, and it might have a negative impact on both environment and individual life.
Mohammed, your prompt paraphrase is too close to the original one to be considered a personal version of the original prompt. You are even using specific phrases from the original prompt in your presentation, which shows a limited English vocabulary on your part and an inability to use alternate words for the presentation. A better rephrasing of the prompt would be as follows:  
  
*People these days tend to have disposable items at their fingertips. The tendency is for the items to be thrown away even if it has only been used for a limited amount of time or a few uses. This can be attributed to three reasons; increased availability of products at cheap prices, competition among manufacturers, and advertising pushes for these items. All of which can lead to potential environmental problems such as eco-system damage and various types of unrecyclable materials.*  
  
As a direct question essay, you must represent or outline your discussion reasons within the last sentence or response sentence within the prompt paraphrase. That way you immediately outline the upcoming discussion for the reader. Had you presented the paraphrase in the above manner, you would have been able to present a strong 3 paragraph reasoning line, which would have pushed your score higher in the end. The results of the reasons should also be indicated in a strong manner within the paraphrase.  
  
Learn to use proper transition sentences within your paragraph in order to connect the 3 reasons within a single paragraph. Keep in mind though that you have a 3-5 sentence requirement for each paragraph. Since you cannot discuss all 3 reasons in one paragraph in a coherent and cohesive manner, you will need to divide the presentation into related discussions (for transition sentence use) and then create a strong final transition sentence per paragraph to introduce the next topic. With 3 reasons, you can discuss 2 in one paragraph then transition to the third reasoning paragraph, from where you will transition into the drawbacks paragraph, resulting in a completely developed 3 reasoning paragraph discussion.  
  
Your drawbacks paragraph is inconsistent and confusing in presentation because it is only providing discussion points, but no actual discussion development with proper reasoning, examples, and supporting statements. Using 2 connected drawbacks (using transition sentences), would have allowed you to do that.
reasons to learn a foreign language  
  
"Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel or to work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reason why someone should learn a foreign language.  
  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion"  
  
People have different perspectives on whether working or traveling are the only reason for learning a foreign language or there are more than two reasons above in order to learn a language of a different country. In my opinion, i absolutely agree that learning a foreign language is certainly not only traveling or working but also liking or any constraint.  
  
On one hand, it is obvious that foreign language plays a vital role in helping people to live in abroad for both working and traveling. In more details, a foreign language enables people to work effectively in their areas. Thus, this will be apart of contributing factor influencing people's success as people have to expose to working environment abroad. In terms of traveling, there will be many benefits from knowing a foreign language. It is clear that it allows people communicate easily with local resident. In the same way, foreign language can help travelers in discovering many more interested places, some new dishs and a few new friends. Specifically, if traveler can speak a local language, they may not need to spend money to hire translators for a few trips.  
  
On the other hand, people learn a foreign language for a lot of reasons not only to work or to travel abroad. In actual fact, some people have a favorite which is studying the culture in the world. Therefore, knowing about language makes substantial contribution to understanding the beauty of culture of any country. As well as, college degree is also a reason to learn any foreign language. For example, in higher education, students must influence by English as a part of student's requirement in order to meet the highest quality standard of knowledge least 5.5 Ielts in academic score to enter university in Vietnam.  
  
To sum up, people have many reasons to learn a foreign language. And, each people should study one more foreign language because this will bring a lot of benefits for learner.
Nguyen, the essay is asking you to discuss both points of public view before you write your personal opinion. However, in the prompt paraphrase, you make it appear that the instruction is only asking you to discuss your personal opinion of the given topic. Your essay will then appear to be tangential in response and be scored with a failing score because you are not discussing the topic in the required method and also, word points will be deducted for the missing references to the public discussion. The public discussion represented by the reference phrases "Some people" and "Others say". So there are 3 discussion points for this 5 paragraph presentation.  
  
To find out what the required discussion method is, you have to first, learn how the proper instruction paraphrase should have been presented. It should have been reflected as:  
  
*There are humans who like to travel and as such, learn the language of the country they are going to so they can communicate with the locals. The other group, believes that there are more than just travel reasons to learn a new language. After carefully considering both public points of view, I hope to come up with a better understanding of the topic so I can present my own point of view regarding it.  
  
Tourists believe that learning the language of the country will... While this is a valid reason, other consider travel only one of the reasons to learn a language.  
  
Take for example linguists. The job of this person is to learn languages. A linguist does this because... Owing to that reason, one can understand how learning languages goes beyond travel.  
  
After careful consideration of each reason, my belief is that...  
  
Considering.... In the end, the clear understanding is that...*  
  
Do you see the difference between the two presentations? Based on the format above, the mistakes you made become self-explanatory. You can understand why your essay cannot be scored the same as if it had been presented in the format above. You also went over the maximum sentence presentation count per paragraph, which carries a minimum of 3 sentences and a maximum of 5 sentences per presentation. Since this is your first posting here, I will not score this paper nor point out the GRA mistakes. I want you to focus on better understanding the required discussion presentations instead. Review the examples available at this forum to help you become more familiar with the discussion types and how to present the discussions.
## airplanes - speed and safety

  
  
Transportation has considerably developed for the last 200 years. From my point of view, the most important innovation is the invention of the airplane for the following two main reasons: speed and safety. In this essay, the former and the latter will be discussed respectively.  
  
Firstly, with regard to speed, planes have facilitated people's life by allowing them to move quickly from one place to another. Previously, it used to take a long time to travel by train, bus, ship, and subway, in fact, it was almost impossible for overseas. Thanks to aircraft, it has become much easier to travel around the world than it used to be before. In today's fast-paced world, moreover, this innovation has made education or business abroad accessible.  
  
Secondly, to my mind most importantly, safer traveling is the other benefit of this invention. Airline journey is the safest way to travel by far of the others; such as railway, motorway, and seaway journeys because only a competent person is allowed to fly a plane and its line is always under watch by a control tower. Plenty of research shows that the aircraft accident rates are fifty percent lower than that of the other vehicles. The proportion of the reduction in the accidents cannot be underestimated.  
  
To sum up, this essay argued why the invention of the plane is the most significant invention in recent centuries and why airline traveling has advantages over the other ways of traveling. I consider that airplanes are more efficient since it is faster and safer compared to other vehicles mentioned earlier.
I am not entirely sure whether this essay was supposed to be a creative writting work or an argumentative essay. If this was an argumentative essay then it sure does seem like a proper drafts which requires only a few minor tweaks here and there. However, as a creative writting piece one may call it rather dull. Perhaps a way to make it more indulging would be to contrast a dark gritty world which doesn't have airplanes with the fast paced modern world and elaborate on the societal impacts which this particular invention has had apart from more efficient economies and safety.
## buying imported products

  
  
*in some countries, it is now possible for people to buy products made in other countries. to what extent do the benefits of this development outweigh the problem?*  
  
People these days are able to buy goods made by other countries. From a personal view, I believe this is a positive trend in a large extent, although it may cause adverse impacts as well.  
  
Having access to other countries' products enables people to lead a happy life because it can improve their living standers. Due to the geometric limitations, some products are not able to grow in other countries, such as cherries, which are native to North America but can hardly grow in Thailand. If people can taste things from another side of the world, they are likely to enjoy more in their life. In addition, some products are also cheaper to buy from other nations than from the local. It will decline people's living cost and save money to tackle other urgent problems.  
  
Another benefit of this progress is that it can contribute to culture communication between countries. Products from other areas, especially those containing certain local features, can usually convey traditional culture. For example, if people from Europe purchase china, they are likely willing to know more about Chinese culture. In this way, the misunderstanding between two different culture will reduce.  
  
Despite the advantages mentioned above, purchasing other countries' products will have a negative influence on local companies' development. As people tend to buy things which are not made by the local companies, native companies can hardly make profits from the customers. As a result, these companies may not survive the intense competition brought by foreigner products.  
  
In conclusion, it cannot be prevented from people buying imported products. I believe it is a good trend as it contributes to people's life quality as well as culture communication.  
  
(280 words) Thanks for your advice ;)
Nicely illustrated but I'm here for only two corrections :  
1. You made 5 paragraphs to bulid your essay but i think 4 paragraphs will be the classic and best to give a legitimate look. One is for introduction. One is for discussing the merits. Thr next one is for demerits and last one is for conclusion  
  
2. Few word corrections  
... people from Europe purchase ~~china~~: Chinese products ( from china)