dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Rosita, the choice of discussion comes with the word "or" separating the two opinions. That word indicates that this is a single opinion, not a dual opinion discussion essay. That said, your total approach to the essay discussion is not correct. You decided to discuss both points of view in the essay rather than the more appropriate single point of view presentation. In fact, your personal opinion was warranted / required as part of the opening statement paraphrase, By not indicating a singular point of view for discussion, you will have points deducted from your TA score.  
  
As a single opinion essay, there needs to be 3 strong reasons supporting it within your body of paragraphs. All Task 2 essays must have 5 paragraphs presented for maximum scoring consideration. Your 3 body paragraph should represent:  
  
1. Supporting reason 1  
2. Supporting reason 2  
3. Example discussion  
  
Your concluding paragraph is not representative of the correct discussion summary either. Therefore, it would not help you get a passing score for this test. This being your first time trying to write this sort of essay, I will not score you. However, I would like you to review the various discussion types required of the Task 2 essay and then, write a new essay accordingly. I can score you on that essay instead because you should already know the difference between an single opinion and multiple opinion essay presentation.
Hello everyone,  
I'll be taking the IELTS test in a fortnight's time.  
Since I've been self-studying all the time, it was not until recently that I realized there were lots of problems with my essays  
Thus, I truly hope to get my essays better with the kind helps from all of you. Every single comment/correction will be appreciated!  
  
Thank you for reading this and I hope you get a nice day :)  
~~I'm sorry for being quite hyped as this is the very first time I join an open forum and this exam is really important to me and there's nothing like 'it's just an exam not a life' because hell no it's an exam that will define my life ONCE AGAIN I'M SO SORRY~~  
  
===========  
## too old for study?

  
  
Some people say that all young people should have full-time education until they are 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?  
  
Nowadays, education plays an important role in people's lives as it can be considered as a major factor that decides the career one might take and the life one might lead. Contributing to the idea, it is said by many people that full-time education is an ideal type for people under 18 years old. This essay will strongly support the opposed concept, which believes students under 18 years old are not supposed to receive full-time education.  
  
Firstly, full-time education requires double the time one spends at school, thus will cause them to lack of time to improve other abilities and skills. Consequently, while people gain a great deal of knowledge, they have yet to comprehend general understandings an common sense, which is more necessary to their future career rather than academic knowledge.  
  
Additionally, people under 18 years old are still developing not only physically but also mentally. That said, spending much time on a full-time education program in which they barely have an outdoor activities might have negative impacts on their condition in both aspects. As a result, whilst people are still questioning whether the children could inherit the fruits of full-time education, it will be a high chance that they might face several health problems.  
  
There is also an argument saying the young should acquire education that takes full time. People supporting this viewpoint believe the larger amount of time a kid spends on studying at school, the better he or she can learn. This might be the outcome of a misleading idea that school is the best place to educate children. In fact, if one spends most of their time learning at school form time to time, they will gradually get bored with the environment and lack the interest in what they learn. Along with the shortage of social skills which only can be gained by hanging out often, staying at school for so long will bring about more troubles.  
  
To conclude, it can be seen clearly that there are obvious downfalls of the full-time education if they were applied to students under 18 years old. Therefore, full-time courses might be seen as a bad idea and should never be compulsory for the adolescents.  
  
Word counts: 366
The opening paragraph should not present an opinion coming from the writers, as you did, in the topic paragraph.The topic paragraph should come from the original prompt and should not indicate the need for a full discussion (yet). That should only be a retelling of the original prompt topic. The biggest mistake however, is that you did not use an emotional response to the question posed.  
  
Since this is a single opinion essay, you should not have discussed the opinion that you did not support. All opinion essays are based on a single point of view presentation unless otherwise stated by the prompt. The original discussion instruction called for only one fully supported opinion discussion within 3 body paragraphs. No less than 3 body paragraphs, as support for your opinion. That is what you should have presented instead of 2 paragraphs only.  
  
Writing more than 250 words is not advisable for an ESL student for the reason that you will have written so many words that you will not have allotted more time to the review, editing, and perfecting of the content of your essay. You do not need a wordy essay, you need an understandable essay. Focus less on writing more than 250 words and more on the quality and content of your writing. That is also the best way to avoid the numerous grammatical errors on your part. The shorter but informative your complex sentence / paragraph is, the better off your score will be.
Hi guys, I was preparing for the IETLS, so I need to improve my writing skills. It will be really appreciate to you guys have a look of my articles, thanks again. :)  
  
Task 2:  
*Too much money is spent on looking after and repairing old bulidings. Some people think money should be spent on buliding new modern buildings. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?*  
  
## new architecture at the expense of historic and cultural values?

  
  
Nowadays, the rising brand new high buildings were filled in the cities, and the old ones be paid enough attention as well. Recently, there is a debet among the public that if it's worthy to spend more social resources on the new constructions.  
  
Those supporters regard that it would highly accord to a overall city program when we divided the areas with its fuction,such as commercial center, fitness center, with which provide more facilities to the citzens in their daily life. Besides, more new flats could alleviate the pressure of the house renting that urbanization brings. Meanwhile, it may be more atrractive to those investors.  
  
However, the new ones, in some way, have less historic and cultural values when campared to the buildings that withstand times, for countless museum were fund by this reason . Whats more, what we may paid in the new constractions is expensive, such as the environmental pollution and resource waste.  
  
In a word, In my opinion, making new buildings by destroying the old ones cannot resolve all the problems of urbanization. But the coexist may be a win-win choice.
Luna, the task 2 essay has a minimum word requirement of 25 words. You wrote only 184 words which means that this essay will not get a passing score. It will fail because you did not meet the minimum word count and as such, did not appropriately represent your skills based on the scoring criteria either. Therefore, you will not be considered for a passing score on any level by the examiner. It is important that you follow all of the requirements of the IELTS task 2 essay, specially with the word count and paragraph number presentation. The specifics are as follows and will never change regardless of the Task 2 prompt. These specifics are meant only for the Task 2 tests and does not apply to Task 1 essays. What you need to make sure that you always do is:  
  
1. Have an opening paragraph that accurately restates the prompt in terms of the topic for discussion, reason for discussion, discussion instruction, and thesis statement at the end.  
  
2. Write at least 250 words for the whole essay.  
3. Make sure the essay has 5 paragraphs covering the opening statement, 3 reason discussions, and a closing statement.  
4. Present at least 3 sentences, but no more than 5 sentences per paragraph in order to maximize your overall scoring rubic  
5. Make sure that you leave at least 5 minutes of the test time to review, revise, edit, and polish your essay presentation.  
  
This being your first submission to this forum, I will be light on you and not dwell on the numerous mistakes in the essay. Instead, I want to focus on helping you correct your presentation format. Once you have the right format in the next practice test, we can review it for more serious errors and corrections.
***Can you help me with my mistake ! Thank a lot btw !***  
  
## the non-city environment experience

  
  
Last year , i went to the countryside and it was an amazing experience i had ever had before.  
We woke up in the morning and had breakfast then we waited at the bus station. We departed at 6AM and arrived at 8AM. It was a warm sunny day and of course the air was so pure and peaceful. Surround us are some paddy fields which had a beautiful yellow color. We went to the shrine, we put some incenses in a large copper incense burner. As we were quite hungry and tired we decided to sit under the big old banyan tree to had rest and a small lunch to regened our energy so that we could go to another sights. After that, we drove bike to the village which was quite far but when we arrived we didn't feel tired at all because the wind made us so relax, the atmosphere is great , and didn't have any traffic jam . Then we saw a lot of ancient houses which reminded my dad about those old day when he was a kid. The last place , and which was the best sight in our trip is the beach. We enjoyed swimming among the crew of fishes , we play beach ball with others . In the end of the trip we took a bus and got home at 9 PM.  
  
It was such a great trip that I am never going to forget it
Hey!  
  
It's always better if you mention what this essay is for.... as in School essay ( Creative Writing) , Graduate essay, an Exam, etc.  
  
Organizing your essay is a very important thing. Spend a couple of minutes to jot down your ideas and content material and then give it an appropriate start and ending para.  
  
There is room for a lot of correction.  
  
Start the essay by mentioning the place. As in, you went to a particular place or village called \*\*\*\*\*.  
You have explained the content in a very stiff way, like just plain data. Use more words and show off your vocabulary instead of just directly describing an event. There are websites like Thesaurus which will help you with synonyms.  
  
Do correct the grammatical errors.
**University lecturers are now able to put their lecturers on the internet for students to read and so the importance face to face lecturers has been reduced.  
  
Do you believe the use of the internet in formal education is a good idea?  
What future effects will the internet have on academic study?**  
  
## The Effect of the Internet Use on Students

  
  
The technology has changed the different ways of studying. One of them is using the internet for holding lecturers without going to the universities. There are mixed ideas about the Internet has a positive influence on the formal education. And the internet will change the style of academic learning.  
  
The internet has changed the style of academic leaning and teaching. The bachelor and postgraduate students do not use as many text book as the students used to do. Because, now students use the internet and the online journals and books for their researches. And for the report they do not give the lecturer hand writing report. They type their final researches. Also in the future, they will just stay in their houses or work places and follow their seminars and lectures with high speed internet. Therefore, they do not speed time on journey from houses to universities.  
  
On the other hand, using the internet has many disadvantages. The communications among the students will be disappeared. Therefore, there will be no information exchanging among these students and they could not evaluate themselves in comparison with other students during a term. So, they do not have huge among of motivation to study hard. Also, studying is a scenery activity which needs considerable time to be alone. If the students do not need to go to the campus, they will face some mental diseases or they will become depressed.  
  
In conclusion, the internet has positive influence on omitted the extra time and money which spend on going to the universities. But, being in the campus can help students to have high level of social connections.
Thanks for sending your essay here. Please allow me to give you some valuable feedback towards the essay posted. Well, let's start with the opening paragraph. In IELTS, you are being tested on how good you paraphrase the keywords from the question. As it can be seen from your intro, you have not fully covered this skill as you still leave more rooms for improvement. Let me give an example of this:  
  
*The rise in the Internet has changed the way people study. Today, it is commonly to see that more lectures send their teaching materials into such media, and therefore this helps students study the lesson easily. Although this brings a profound merit, plagiarism is one of the drawbacks that should be taken into consideration if students rely too much on the Internet*  
  
The second and third body paragraphs are not arranged in a proper way. I did not see any strong examples as your details to support your topic sentences. To create a very good example, it is always good to include a 5W/1H question. Also, you need to pay particular attention to how you use linking words. In IELTS, starting with "But', or placing this in the first of the sentence is the BIG mistake ever.  
  
Hope this helps :D
**An increasing number of professionals, Such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problem does this cause? What can be done to deal with this situation?**  
  
Educated, skilled people' choice to move abroad  
  
More and more professionals from developing and impoverished countries are choosing to live and work in rich countries. This trend has resulted in adverse effects on the quality of service in most of the underdeveloped nations. This essay will suggest government encouragement to the professionals to live and work in their own country as a better solution to tackle this matter.  
  
The foremost problem faced by developing nations due to the professional migration is the lack of skilled workers for improving the quality and care of their service-oriented fields such as medicine and education. Due to the shortage of the professionals, the government has to struggle to ensure the quality and stability of their community services. As an example, having not enough professionals in education field can result in low literacy rate of the nation and inherently affect the social development of the country as well.  
  
Encourage professionals to work and live in their origin country is an effective solution to cope with this matter. Most of the well-educated people are migrating because of the unreasonable wages and poor living qualities of the developing countries. Therefore, the government can consider the attractive salaries and benefits to reassure the living conditions of professionals. For instance, recently Sri Lankan government has initiated a tax deduction schema for specific professional groups to motivate and appreciate their service.  
  
In conclusion, Brain drain is a leading problem for many developing nations. This situation has caused unfavourable impacts on the quality of services of many underdeveloped countries. Government encouragement to the professionals by facilitating more benefits and providing reasonable salaries can tackle this issue.  
  
PS:  
Number of words: 267  
  
\* I stated only one problem and a solution. Will it be enough? If I put more than one problem, it will exceed the word count.  
  
\* If you can see any grammar mistakes, please state one/ two example sentences so it will help me to identify my issues.  
\* Please let me know your reviews and possible band for this essay.
thilini, one problem and one solution, fully developed within the 3 body paragraph is more than sufficient for this type of essay. You do not have the space nor the time to discuss more than number anyway. Going over the 250 word minimum is fine provided you do not hit 300 words or more because you will most likely run out of editing time for your essay. If you don't have the time to edit your work, then you could suffer some avoidable downgrading of points if only you had the time to edit.  
  
The first problem that I found in this essay is in the opening paragraph. Your first sentence is still too similar to the original so that it sounds almost like a cut and paste of the original. You also presented your immediate opinion of the problem and proposed the solution in the succeeding paragraphs. The opening paragraph is always used to only represent your English comprehension skills or understanding of the original prompt. The actual topics for discussion are saved for the actual 3 body of paragraphs.  
  
You need to have a discussion consistency in this instance. That means, when you have chosen to represent the medical field in your discussion, you cannot suddenly change the example of the problem from medical to educational. That creates a confusion for the reader because you set up a different tone for the discussion at the start then presented a totally different supporting example for it. It is like telling a person that you will serve orange juice then suddenly, without informing the person, serve him a soda instead. There will be a sense of shock and wonder at the sudden change in discussion presentation.  
  
Your essay is short by one body of paragraphs in the discussion. Remember, you always score higher when you present a complete 5 paragraph essay because you have room to further develop your discussion and prove your skills in the 4 scoring criteria. The next paragraph should have explained Why encouraging workers to stay in their own country to work is a possible solution to the problem. Then the third paragraph could have been a more thorough explanation of how the government can successfully implement such a solution.  
  
The conclusion is acceptable. However, the title of your essay is not. Read up on the rules for writing essay titles. Every word of the title, including proper nouns but not connecting words must be capitalized. Overall, I think you can score a 6 with this essay.
*In some countries people think women should have equality with men, in particular equal rights to work as police officers or serve in the Army. Others think women are not suitable for such jobs.  
  
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.*  
  
## Women in the military

  
  
The dispute over gender equality has not be settled yet. It is argued by some that women should have the same right as men in order to work as military or police officers. However, others believe women are not fit for these jobs. As far as I am concerned, I advocate the latter viewpoint.  
  
With regard to equality, some people, especially those in western societies, deem it unacceptable and unfair to limit individual's career options in the name of gender. They believe if women are not allowed to hold jobs in police and military services, their career opportunities will become limited, which is against the values of modern societies, based on which everyone should has the same chance of success. From social aspect, there would also be some negative impacts as result of the limitation. In fact, it negatively affects young female's mentality when they think about their career options. In other words, the restriction in their career choices adversely affects their mindset as they might assume they would face other form of discrimination elsewhere. Consequently, they may not put as much as effort into climbing career ladders even in other professions.  
  
On the other hand, there are more compelling reasons why women are not considered suitable for these formidable tasks. Firstly, it is scientifically proven that women's physiology is not fit for the physically demanding duties of police or military officers. For example, in combat ground, officers are expected to run fast, fight with criminals in which men are more well-suited. In addition, because women shoulder the very crucial responsibility of motherhood, working as a militant or police officer make it hard for them to strike a balance between their duties and parenthood. To explain it, there would be some occasions on which they are required to be away from their homes and their children for months in order to carry out missions. Consequently, as women are emotionally attached to their children, not only does it undermine the effectiveness of their missions, but also would lead to poor upbringing practices.  
  
In conclusion, although it will be more civilized if women are allowed to work in these fields, I believe women should not take these jobs as it negatively affects the very important role of motherhood.
Hey Jawad.  
  
You certainly have some interesting ideas for the essay.  
The errors that I find are mainly grammatical. Sort that out and you have in your hands a good essay.  
Keep reading more books and other written material. That will help you with sentence construction and appropriate grammar use.  
  
I'll correct Para 1 for you -  
... equality has not ~~be settled yet~~ yet been settled OR been settled yet.  
... have the same rights as men ...  
  
Para 2 -  
... to limit an individual's career  
... They believe that if women (...) everyone should ~~has~~ have ...  
... affects young ~~female's~~ girl/ woman's mentality when ...  
  
Some sentences are too long as well. You could always split them up. No need to keep adding commas and prolonging it.  
  
Just keep practicing.  
  
Good Luck! :)