dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**TED Summary: Forget Shopping. Soon You'll Download Your New Clothes.**  
  
Downloadable, printable clothing may be coming a closet near us. It start when designer Daniel Peleg's fashion school project turned into a collection of 3D printed clothes designs that have the strength and flexibility for everyday wear. She designed clothes on her computer and loaded the file on the printer. Then it just printed the pieces overnight.  
  
With 3D printing, the designers had freedom to make the dresses look exactly like they wanted, but still hard because of big and expensive industrial printers that were located in their studio.  
  
The main challenge for this 3D printings is the material that you feed the printer for printing clothes. The material is hard and breakable.  
Music was a very physical but nowadays it's become a digital thing which people just can download it. Fashion also a very physical thing, so the designers hope that clothes will be digital too. So there's no need many tool and machine for the designers to make the clothes like they wanted.
Hello Goldieu, I want to you obtain some suggestions from me.  
  
here we go:  
  
Downloadable~~**,**~~**and** printable clothing (...) near **by** us.  
  
**"near" is certain word which following by "by" word.**  
  
It start**s** when designer Daniel Peleg's ...  
  
**please be aware about Subject Singular + V+es/s**  
  
With **the** 3D printing, the designers had ...  
  
**in my opinion "3D printer" needs an articel in the front of word.**  
  
**Nowdays**, music was a very physical but ~~**nowadays**~~ it's become a digital thing ...  
  
**the "nowdays" word should in the front of sentence.**  
  
note: keep writing and go ahead.
Unlike most geckos thrive in tropical climates, the Atlas Day Gecko has adapted to life in the mountain tops through cold winters. Abdellah Bouazza and his colleagues at Cadi Ayyad University in Morocco have been investigating how cold-blood lizard id able to survive the freezing heights. The team found this lizard emerge in the morning to bask in the sun on exposed rocks, staying glued to a rock allowed geckos to warm up.  
  
Gecko is known to be territorial but living in a cold place seems to make them more social. Several animals are often found basking in the same spot and sharing the same shelter. Female communally lay eggs in warm crevices, which is not unique among geckos. Unfortunately, as temperature rises due to global warming, the atlas Day Gecko may no longer be the dominant species in the High Atlas
Hello Yonathan  
I have some advice to you  
  
how cold-blood lizard ~~id~~ able to survive the freezing heights  
**....wrong spelling, must be *is***  
  
The team found (that) this lizard emerge in the morning to bask in the sun on  
The team= subject  
found= verb  
this lizard= subject  
**.....you should use conj to combine subj+verb and subj+verb**
**IELTS Writing Summary TED: A visual history of social dance by Cammile A. Brown.**  
  
Dance is the language, and social dance is an expression that emerges from a community. A social dance is not choreographed by any one person. It cannot be traced to any one moment. Especialy in African-American social dances, see over 200 years of how African-American traditions influenced our history. Some experts believe that the present always contains the past, and the past shapes who they are and who they will be. There are some evoution of African-American dances year-by-year, firstly, The juba dance was born from enslaved African's experience of plantation. Slapping thighs, shuffling feet, and patting hands are ilk of this dance. Then, the Cake Walk are a dance that parodied mannerisms of Southern high society a way for the enslaved to throw shade at the masters. By 1920s, the Charleston was all about improvisation and musicality, making its way into lindy hop, swing dancing, and even the Kid n Play. Exoticly, it more be famous in South Carolina that permeated dance halls where young women suddenly the had freedom to kick their heels and move their legs. The next, is the Twist that can be traced back to the 18th century. Before the Civil Rights Movement, it is popilarized by Chubby Checker and Dick Clark. The story continues in the 1980s and '90s, hip hop is a social dance that took on even more visibiity, borrowing from its long past, shaping culture and being shaped by it. Today, these dances continue to evolve, grow adn spread.
Hello, Alamsyah Ismail!  
  
Your essay is very good, but I would give a spelling correction in your essay  
  
1. ~~Especialy~~ (Especially ) in African-American social dances  
2. There are some ~~evoution~~ (evolution ) of African-American dances year-by-year  
3. it is ~~popilarized~~ (popularized ) by Chubby Checker and Dick Clark  
4. that took on even more ~~visibiity~~ (visibility )  
5. ... continue to evolve, grow ~~adn~~ (and ) spread  
  
Thank you
Joel Levine: Why we need to go back to Mars  
  
NASA has ambitious to prove is there a life on Mars? After dozens of research, revealed evidences that there is no liquid water on the surface of Mars today, it is important as water is the key ingredient in the evolution process and the origin of life on a planet. However, there is fascinating finding that in the early history of Mars, there was rivers and fast flowing water. They also have predicted that 4.6 billion years ago, Mars was liked-earth. Mars had rivers, lakes, but more important there were planetary-scale oceans, which crucial for living systems.  
  
In order to reveal the truth of these findings. NASA invited 10 of the top Mars Scientists, generated major question then we addressed on the board to find the best answer of those questions. Finally, the answer is robotic rocket-powered airplane called ARES. It is able to fly on Mars's surface such as mountains, volcanoes, impact craters, valleys, surface magnetism, polar caps, and subsurface water.
Hi, Abrahamlincoln!  
  
I would give you the corrections for your essay  
  
1. revealed ~~evidences~~ (evidence ) that there is no liquid ... It appears that evidences is an uncountable noun and should not be made plural.  
2. we addressed ~~on~~ the board to find the best answer ~~of~~ (to ) those questions. It appears that the preposition on is unnecessary. It appears that of is not the right preposition to use in this context.  
  
Thank you
The world getting old by degradation of land. The today's world has three major sectors which created factor of land degradation and they were mostly happening in three hemisphere areas of our world. The three of immense sector which created this world's problem are over-cultivation, over-grazing and logging massive tree from forest or in other word we called deforestation. Overall in around the world over-grazing has place in peak of this problem with more than a third of all numbers yet in Europe has had this sector in small number with compere with another sectors'. In the second place, deforestation was arriving in this place with less than a third per cent in overall world. Accordingly, in Europe, this sector was being massive thing than other's yet in North America deforestation not are major sector was making this problem in compere with over-cultivation. Over-cultivation was being the third of immense factors created degradation of land in worldwide with almost a third in concreate number is 28 per cent. By contras in Oceania, over-cultivation has had zero per cent in the report index of land degradation factors.
Hi Alfa,  
  
I think that you can learn from other people mistakes by posting clear image/picture/chart/diagram. I am afraid if you keep doing this in the next practice, the moderators of this forum are going to suspend your account. Please be more careful for the next essay practice. However, I am still going to give you some feedback related to paragraphing and essay structure. I hope you can follow through.  
  
First of all, I am sure that you have read some books related to IELTS, you are not going to blindly upload your writing here. In the book that you've read (whatever the book is), it is clear that you need to write in a clear format of paragraph. Writing like this would only drag your band score down to 4.0 due to "presents information and ideas but these are not arranged coherently and there is no clear progression in the response / inappropriate format'.  
  
Assuming that I am wrong about the book that you've read, I would like to give you a brief explanation about what to write in IELTS task 1. Please take a closer look on the descriptions below.  
  
- Write minimum THREE paragraphs or more.  
- Those three paragraphs consist of Introduction paragraph, the first body paragraph, and the second body paragraph.  
- In introduction paragraph you need to paraphrase the question and give clear overview about the chart/picture/diagram given.  
- In body paragraphs, you need to group the information clearly or separate it into half part. Write the first part of information in the first body paragraph, and write the second part of information in the second body paragraph.  
  
*My suggestion is that you need to know that "clarity" is a MUST. Do NOT try to write TOO long sentences. Too-long sentences need sufficient knowledge about grammar. If you don't have it, better write short or average sentence length. Try to use MS.Word spelling and grammar checker to help you, but do not rely on it. Somehow, if the sentence that you are writing are long and complicated, it doesn't really helpful.*  
  
Hope this helps :)
Hai Alfa  
**I have known the process of writing this post. However, you have to refer the explanation based on the given data.**  
  
The world getting old by degradation of land >> the world getting small  
  
Created factors of land degradation >> impacted on factors of land degradation  
  
The three of immense sector which created >> the three of immense sector  
  
this world's problem are over-cultivation, over-grazing and logging ... >> the factors which impacted land degradation are over-cultivation, over-grazing and logging massive
**Russia and MH 17 Brought to BUK**  
  
Malaysia Airlines was brought down by a Russian missile on July 17th 2014, 298 people on board are death. On September 28th, (JIT) the Dutch-led Joint Investigation Team consisted of several representatives from Australia, Belgium Malaysia and Ukraine carried out investigation and collected by myriad of photo, video and forensic findings, satellite and radar data, interviews with eyewitnesses. Those are called as "irrefutable".  
  
According to Russia media published that a Ukrainian jet shot MH17 down since they were willing to shoot down Mr Putin's plane but the missile crashed MH17 accidentally. However, it comes to the JIT's data reports that no other aircraft were flying in the vicinity of MH17. Meanwhile, the investigators revealed that the Russian army uses BUK warheads, but Ukraine's does not. However, Russia dispute the evidence and argued that the JIT's report based on speculations, inaccurate and entrusted data.
Hi @ Abrahamlincoln !  
  
Here are the mistakes I spotted in your piece :  
  
... 298 people on board were killed .  
... Joint Investigation Team consisting of several representatives (...) carried out an investigation and collected ...  
Those were found "irrefutable".  
  
According to the Russian media,~~published~~~~that~~an Ukrainian jet shot MH17 (...) down Mr Putin's plane, but the missile ...  
.., inaccurate and ~~entrusted~~ data.(wrong use of the word entrusted )
Hello, Abrahamlincoln!  
  
Your essay is good, but I would give you corrections  
  
1. Australia, Belgium Malaysia and Ukraine carried out investigation and collected by ~~myriad of photo~~ (a myriad of the photo ). The noun phrase myriad and photo seem to be missing a determiner before it.  
  
2. but ~~Ukraine's does~~ (Ukraine does ) not. It appears that the form of the verb does does not work with 's in this sentence.  
3. Russia ~~dispute~~ (disputes ) the evidence and argued.The plural verb dispute does not appear to agree with the singular subject Russia.  
  
Thank you
Barujari mount which is located in inside caldera of Rinjani, has revealed to the public by most volatile volcano. It has breathtaking caldera and volcano views, but also has high risk of being trapped, injured even killed by volcano erupts. Yesterday, 130-390 people were trapped caused by moderate explosive eruption. Recently, the PVMBG (Pusat Vulkanologi dan Mitigasi Bencana Geologi) has released the limitation to keep away from a radius of 3 kilometers due to increased eruptive activity and raised alert to level II while local authorities still evacuate and rescue remains tourist who trapped in the site.
Hello  
You've done well. However, there are inputs for you.  
  
Barujari mount ~~which is~~ located in inside caldera of Rinjani >> Barujari mountain located inside caldera of Rinjani maountain  
  
revealed to the public by most volatile volcano. >> ~~it is renowned by its volatile volcano~~  
  
..., but also has high risk of being trapped, injured ... >> ~~but also has challenging track such as being trapped, injured even killed caused by volcano views.~~  
  
Yesterday , 130-390 people were trapped caused ... >> (don't use "yesterday" I think, you have to clearly decide when it was happen precisely)  
  
released the limitation to keep away from a radius of ... >> release a set of restriction to keep away from a radius 3 kilometer to avoid increasing of  
  
keep writing....
The bar chart shows the numbers of men and women attending various evening courses at an adults education centre in the year 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants. Overall, it can be seen that women comprised the majority of the numbers of people who attending the courses and the ages of participants was highest for participants in 50 or over.  
  
The bar chart indicates that drama and language class the proportion of female students was twice the number of male pupils, 20 women against 10 men in the former, while 40 women in comparison with only 20 men in the latter. The number of women participants was also higher than the number of men joining the painting class, with figures at 30 for women and 25 for men. In contrast, the trend was reversed in people enrolling for sculpture course, the figure for men doubled than for women, respectively at 10 and 5.  
  
Turning to the pie chart the majority of people who took part in these courses was aged 50 or over. While the people who under 20 was the lowest proportion at 5%. The percentage of people who aged 40-49 was nearly double as high as those who was 20-29, respectively at 26% and 11%.  
  
*
Hi Goldvina,  
Welcome to EssayForum :)  
  
The detailed descriptions below are my contributions towards your report summary of IELTS task 1. I hope this would be helpful.  
  
1st paragraph:  
- I believe this is already well-written introduction paragraph. I only notice minor grammatical mistakes such as the absence of article "the" in *was the highest for participants in 50 or over.* and *women comprised the majority ~~of the~~ numbers of people who ...* This is a good start to reach a high band score in writing. Clear and well-developed overview would make your band score can possibly reach 6 or above.  
  
2nd paragraph:  
- The bar chart indicates that ~~drama and language class~~ the proportion of female students in drama and language class was twice the number of male pupils, particularly 20 women against 10 men...  
  
- ....the painting class, ~~with figures~~ at 30 participants for women and 25 for men.  
- ... in people enrolling for sculpture course. (stop, new sentence) The figure for men doubled ~~than for~~compared to women, ~~respectively~~ at 10 and 5 respectively.  
  
As you can see, some structure problems still exist in your essay. By considering the above-mentioned feedback, I hope you can compose a better essay. Good luck for the next practice :)
"Happiness is just around the corner" was a perfect sentence to describe the luxurious life of Ryan Nicodemus, the moment when he had a bright career, sophisticated cars, and a fancy house. Unfortunately, the joyful he wished for had never been there. In contrary, he felt stressful, anxious, stagnant, and depressed. He started questioning the meaning of happiness and success. Luckily, Joshua Fields Millburn, whom then becomes his partner in running a website named theminimalists.com, did him a favor by introducing the concept of 'simplifying life', meaning that living with less stuff, less stress, fewer distraction, more time, more meaningful relationships, more growth and contributions. Not a perfect life as defined by the most of people as making much more money, purchasing more stuff, driving a bigger car and wearing a top designer's outfit, but an intentional life.  
  
Furthermore, he began his life's reformation with a 'packing party' by putting his belongings which he managed to have over the last decades, into some huge boxes, then unpacked later only some items he needs for daily purposes. This finally woke him up, that how useless the rest of goods which supposed to make him happier.  
  
Realizing the importance of his life experiences, he then decided to start writing on a blog with Joshua. Their first visitors were 52 people, and then turned into 500 users, and now over two million readers. From an ordinary blog to an extraordinary website which is intentionally designed to discover people who are rich in different ways, the ones who are willing to contribute to their communities, to encourage everyone to make life's priorities such as health, relationship, growth, and contribution to public rather than checking social media or shopping online, simply to buy worthless items.  
  
Source: ...  
By Ryan Nicodemus and Joshua Fields Millburn
Hello FItri12  
i have some advice, attrack your attention if you wish  
i hope it can help you  
  
the moment (verb) when he had a bright career,  
**.....i think this sentence needs a verb to complite it, like *begin* or *began*. Depend on the time**  
  
then unpacked later only some items (conj) he needs for daily purposes.  
**.....i think to combine two sentences, you should write conj like *that* or *which***
Hi,  
hope you doing well, lemme give you some suggestion  
  
==> Unfortunately, the joyful he wished ~~for had~~ never ~~been~~~~there~~ (happened).  
==> Luckily, Joshua Fields Millburn, who~~m~~~~then~~ become~~s~~ his partner in running a ...  
==> ~~did~~ (gave) him a favor by introducing the concept of 'simplifying life', (introducing the) meaning (of) ~~that~~ living with less stuff, less stress, ~~fewer~~ --> for countable (less) distraction--> uncountable, you cannot use few ,  
  
==> more time, ~~more~~ meaningful relationships, ~~more~~ growth, and contributions. Not a perfect life as defined by ~~the~~ most of people (such) as making much ...  
  
==> Furthermore, ............. belongings which ~~he~~ managed to have over ...  
==> then unpacked later for daily purpose that he needs ~~only some items he needs for daily purposes~~ .  
==> This (is) finally woke him up, that how useless the rest of goods which supposed to make him happier. --> that the rest of goods ...  
  
==> Realizing the importance of his life experiences, ~~he then~~ (then he) decided to start ...  
Their first visitors were 52 people, and then ~~turned~~ (increased) ~~in~~ to 500 users,..  
  
Good luck and keep writing :)
It is argued that luck is the most crucial element of success. While many people agree with this idea, I complete disagree  
On the other hand, there are several reasons why success do not depend mainly on luck. First of all, achievers who is always hard-working and demonstrate persistence usually attain their goals. For example, the effort of Steve jobs into coding and experimenting more time which entail a vast amount of hours lead to the advent of Iphone that we utilize widely nowadays. Secondly, passion is considered a motivational element encouraging people to obtain their aims, especially when they encounter obstacles or failures. If children are very enthusiastic about drawing picture and admire famous artists, they may spend most of their time staying in the room and creating their own masterpieces. This make their dream to become a famous artist easily come true  
  
On the other hand, luck is only a small factor in determining achievements. One reason is that people who is merely dependent on luck rather than being industrious can hardly become successful. For instance, most of students spending a lot of hours studying and preparing carefully for exams are usually more confident and acquire higher scores than those who do not. Furthermore, good fortune only lead people to short- term achievements because there is nothing to ascertain that it would continue to exist in the long run. As a result, this could prevent people who hinge on luck from obtaining their life- long aims  
  
In conclusion, for the reasons I have mentioned above, I strongly believe that in  
order to achieve objectives in life, one must be extremely determined and hard-working to follow his or her passion till the end.
Hello, neikneu!  
  
Your essay is very good, but I would give you the corrections for your essay  
  
1. While many people agree with this idea, I complete ~~disagree~~ (disagreeing ). The verb disagree is usually in the gerund form when following the word complete. Consider replacing it with the -ing form.  
  
2. ... reasons why success ~~do~~ (does ) not depend mainly on luck. The plural verb do does not appear to agree with the singular subject success.  
  
3. First of all, achievers who ~~is~~ (are ) always hard-working and demonstrate ... The singular verb is does not appear to agree with the plural subject achievers.  
  
Thank you
Sub-crater of Mount Rinjani in Lombok Island, Indonesia, well-known as Barujari Mount started the eruption on Tuesday afternoon. It made people who around in that area in panic situations. A thousand tourist were evacuated by Emergency volunteer to the nearby safety place. National Park Officials released the number of tourist, according to the announcement, there were 398 people while most of them were overseas tourist and local tourist were less than 30%. It was noticeable that no one injured. The erupting Barujari Mount did not made a huge impact daily activities in Lombok, for example to the flight companies. As usual, Lombok Airports were functioning whereas two companies canceled their schedule and the other flights schedule were delay. Indonesia is an country which has massive volcanoes, interestingly it made people from around the world spend their vacation in Indonesia. An breathtaking scenery is the most reason that people enjoy to visit Barujari Mountain.
Hi Sasariri, in my perspective you have good writing, however there are still several mistake. Let me give you some suggestions:  
  
... as Barujari Mount, started the eruption ... Pay attention to the punctuation because the subject is Sub-crater of Mount Rinjani in Lombok Island whereas well-known as Barujari Mount is adverb.  
  
It made people who were still ~~around in that area~~there in panic situations. After "who/which" you have to put verb or be.  
  
It was noticeable that is no one injured. Still, after "that/who/which" you must to put verb or be.  
  
AnA breathtaking scenery is the most ... Using article A/an is grammatically error.  
  
Keep writing as it can make your skill improve.
Grammatical Issues  
  
It made people who were around in that area in panic situations.  
A thousand tourist were  
I'm not sure with this. Read a good grammar book.  
  
the number of tourist  
The number of tourists  
This is the common mistake when you write writting ielts task 1, please pay more attention for this.  
  
overseas tourist and local tourist  
Tourist is countable noun.  
  
As usual , Lombok Airports were functioning ...  
Find the other chunking words.  
  
Indonesia is ~~an~~ a country which has massive volcanoes~~,~~ . Interestingly, it made people ...  
The original sentence is fragment sentence. It will be better the clary of sentence instead of the complex sentence which is wrong structure.