dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Andika, the article actually came in 3 sections. The main discussion and the 2 sub topics related to the discovery that was discussed as the major discovery of the scientists. Why did you not represent the sub topics in the summary? In writing a summary, you must ensure that you present all of the topics being discussed, including the sub topics because they relate to the main discussion. Additional, supporting facts can be found in the sub topics and therefore, the only way you can present a completely informative summary is by reading the whole article and taking note of keywords, fact, and figures for inclusion in your summary. Without these additional data, the summary becomes informative but incomplete. What you are after, is a totally informative and complete essay. So you have to learn to read fast and note information in a chronological manner for presentation in the summary essay.
Walt Disney, as the largest animation studio company, released their newest animation titled Moana. The director, Ron Clements and John Musker, said that Moana comes from Motunui as a daughter of a mystical-Polynesian-island chief. The character of Moana is described as an obedient daughter who tried to ignore her strong desire. In this film, Moana has a conflict with herself regarding to what she will choose between listening to her father and following her heart. In a stark contrast to other Disney princess who has funny sidekick animal and an adventure, Moana's adventure happens because she creates her own fate. From Moana many life lessons can be learned by both adults and children.  
  
thejakartapost
Hi Nurul,  
  
1. The director, Ron Clements and John Musker, said that Moana comes from Motunui as a ...I think it is better if you mentioned who is Roy and John instead of who the director is.  
  
Ron Clements and John Musker, as directors, said that Moana comes...  
  
... as an obedient daughter who ~~tried~~tries to ignore ...  
... with herself regarding ~~to~~ what she will choose between ...  
In a stark contrast to this, other Disney princess ~~who has~~is funny sidekick animal ...
Nda, you should have made some mention about the conflict in the movie that led to the adventures of Moana. This was clearly explained and pointed out in the article that you read. Also, each character in the movie, important characters related to her adventure both on and off the island were mentioned. You should have detailed the supporting characters as well. More importantly, you did not mention the demigod who helped Moana during her adventure and also helped to present a lesson in the story. In order to properly depict the summary of the article, all of these elements need to have been present. You also need to pay attention to the plural form of words, anytime you mention 2 people who do the same work, such as the men who helmed this movie, you should use the plural form. Hence director should have been directors.
**Inventions and the education background**  
  
Recently, invention is the most popular thing in the world. It is because technology always developed rapidly. Many inventors try to discover new invention every day which is come from multi background education, even people said that inventors as doctor are not essential to civilisation. From this view I consider that background education is important aspect.  
  
Nowadays, many researchers come from low education, but they can prove that they eligible and can find new invention. On the other side, there is no regulation which is say that inventors should be doctor because every body has similar right in particular inventors. To instance, in Indonesia there are inventors come from less education people but in the reality their invention offers easiest to the human life. I can say that as common people think, their invention will be accepted in civilisation and will be acknowledged. As a result all people can be inventor.  
  
However, personally I consider that education is the most critical aspect should be inventors have. It is because education will leads inventor to conduct routinely research to find out new invention. In this case in particular are doctors. Usually doctors will give big impact to the society with their invention and knowledge. The doctors conduct research and give knowledge to the civilisation such as seminar, training, or coaching. Those are easy as doctors because the things are entirely appropriate with their profession.  
  
To sump up, background education in particular doctors is important to society because the invention should be find regularly and the society need knowledge from the inventors and the doctor is an appropriate people to do it.  
  
269 word.
**"All too often, companies hire outside consultants to suggest ways for the company to operate more efficiently. If companies were to spend more time listening to their own employees, such consultants would be unnecessary."**  
  
Now a days consultancies are increasing day by day. Their work is to provide consultations, advises, services and opinions to other company who hire their services. Though companies can not totally rely on consultancies for suggestions as they are outsiders, they must consult with their own employees because they know organization in a better way.  
  
As Consultancies are proficient in their fields and they provide services to various companies, so they have good experience in there field. Getting services from the consultancies is a good option and hiring them for better view points and suggestions are increasing day by day. A company which has no department or no experienced employee in a particular area than it is better to hire a consultant rather than wasting a time to hire a full time employee or to spend time in listening to their own employee who don't have prior experience about the matter.  
  
For Instance, a company have to deliver a project within short span of time but to complete the project, a company need pundit for the fulfillment of the project but they lack in experienced employee so they can't wait for their employees to be trained and then they will apply their knowledge to finish that task, In these scenarios, hiring proficient consultants from outside is better opinion. They will share their knowledge and experience and once task is delivered, they will leave the company. Hence in this way company will benefited by consultant.  
  
Secondly, In an organization where they have to make a very big decision, lot of money is involved in the project. For successful completion of that project, they sometime need second opinions, profound suggestions from expertise in that area for that they hire a consultants from outside but a company on the other hand never neglect their employees. They do consider their own employees viewpoint and suggestions. As they very well understand their organization and they have spend years in the company. A company in this situation can't totally depend on outside person, though they take suggestions but they also welcome their own employee view point as well.  
  
So, it totally depend upon the situation whether existing employee efficacy is enough to deal with situation or not. If not they can hire consultants for transient, take expert opinion and get advantages from their services.
In terms of quality of ideas, you won't score more than a 2 because you offer conflicting ideas in your essay. In your opening statement, you take the side that the company should listen to their employees. Then throughout the body of your essay, you discuss the importance of hiring consultants for the company benefit in comparison with listening to the employees. You do not defend your stance that the company should listen to their employees opinion in any paragraph. Then, in your conclusion, you again change your mind and say that the idea of listening to a consultant should be on a case to case basis. You need to pick a side and make sure to develop the essay within the vein the prompt provides.  
  
Organization would clock in at a 3. Your discussion is poorly organized because you could not decide on which side you actually wished to support in your essay. Due to your confusion, your discussion suffered and could not reflect a proper flow of thought.  
  
The writing style and grammar would probably have to settle for a score of 1. You have not shown a solid writing style and the lack of properly worded sentences make it difficult for the reader to decipher your true intentions behind the paragraph.  
  
Your summary would score no higher than an A2 as your summary was affected by the way that you discussed the essay in totality. your summary doesn't reflect the kind of discussion that you are providing.  
  
BTW, next time, please include the complete and original prompt for our reference. That way we can more accurately score your essay. I did not score you in increments as there are some other criteria that the examiner will be considering or recognizing in your essay that I may have missed. I am just offering you a base score for each section of grading at this point.
Hi @KKmadan, I would like to suggest you some corrections.  
  
- Now a days ---> nowadays  
- ...they must consult with their ~~own~~ employees because ...  
- ...they have good experience in ~~there~~their field...  
- ... rather than wasting ~~a~~ time to hire a full-time employee or to spend ...  
- ... knowledge and experience, and once the/a task is delivered, ...  
Hence in this way the/a company will benefit~~ed~~ by the/a consultant.  
  
- ..lots of money is involved ...  
- ...they sometimes need second opinions, (...) that they hire ~~a~~ consultants from the outside but a ...  
- ...They do consider their ~~own~~ employees viewpoint and suggestions...  
-...So, it totally depends upon the situation (...) to deal with the/a situation or not...take a expert opinion and get ...
Hi, below through my advice for you.  
1.~~Now a days~~ consultancies are increasing day by day.----> Nowadays , consultant companies are increasing day by day.  
2.Though companies ~~can not~~cannot totally rely on ...  
3. A company which has no department or no experienced employee in a particular ...---> too long and makes you create many mistakes. my advice is divided by 2 sentences.  
  
4. so they have good experience in ~~there~~ field.---> their field  
5.day by day ---> repetition . try to change with as time goes on
Hello, let me give my correction for you  
  
~~Now a days~~ consultancies are increasing day by day Nowadays  
  
opinions to other ~~company~~companies who hire their services (other indicate the plural form so the word "company" must in plural form too)  
  
so they have good experience in the there field  
  
~~view points~~view point and suggestions  
  
wasting a time to hire a ~~full time~~full-time employee or (...) employee who ~~don't~~doesn't have prior experience ...  
  
they hire ~~a~~ consultants from the outside  
  
have ~~spend~~~~spent~~
**TOPIC: It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media. What do you think is the reason for a growth in the rate of juvenile crime? What solutions can you offer to deal with this situation?**  
  
Many people believe that the increasing number of youth crime is associated with the widely spread physical scenes in media. In my opinion, this is one of the causes among in many reasons, and I believe that good parenting and a stronger ***juvenile legal system*** can prevent minors from ***embarking on a life of crime***.  
  
In my view, there are two main reasons for the accelerating rate of ***youth violation***. Firstly, parents are too busy with work, which they are ***not being able to spend*** enough time with their children. Without the supervision and care, teenagers do not feel the need to stay at home , as a result, they end up **being** on the streets and entertain themselves in a way that can excite them , such as stealing. Secondly, the ***punitive measures*** for *adolescence* are not strong enough to stop them from committing crimes. The penalties for young individuals are totally different from adults when it is dealing with the same crime. In many countries, the sanctions for teenagers are considered to be warning rather than actual punishment.  
  
I think that the ***incidence of youth crime*** can be reduced through good parenting and a strengthen juvenile legal system. Parents play an important role **in** the growth of teenagers. If parents spend more time to connect with their children and get to know their friends, teenagers are unlikely to feel bored and isolated from family. Meanwhile, strict penalties should be introduced ***aimed at*** punishing young offenders, in particular, the repeat offenders, as I believe that this will be an effective way to minimise and deter the crime intention of young people.  
  
To conclude, the increasing number of youth offenders are driven by the **lenient** juvenile legal rules and distance relationship between young individuals and parents, good parenting and deterrent penalty are the key solutions to solve this problem.  
  
#####  
Hi all,  
  
Those words with word effect are self-correcting after look up online for better expressions and grammar corrections.  
Any better expression for sentences in red color please?  
  
Any recommendations would be appreciated. Thank you very much :)
Siu, I am going to caution you against looking up better word terms and grammar correction online during your practice tests. Do not fall into this habit because you will not have the opportunity to do these activities when you take the actual test. In fact, the computer will not be connected to the internet in the way that you think it will be. It will have severely limited access and will only allow you to access the test server and nothing more.  
  
Therefore, you should write this essay in the way that your natural grammar, sentence structure, lexicon, and task achievement will be reflected and actually graded. All practice tests as designed to discover the problem areas of your English skills. If you cheat the system by looking up the words and grammar in an effort to try and improve your practice score, you will not be fooling anyone but yourself. Come time for the actual test, you will most likely freeze and be unable to write because you already got used to perfecting your essays through online help.  
  
Remember this, you do not need to present a grammatically perfect essay. You just need to present the best essay that your English abilities will allow you to. You will be graded fairly based upon your skills. Cheating yourself during the practice test will not help you at all. You can improve your writing skills outside of the practice tests based upon our suggestions for your improvement.  
  
At this point, I will refuse to grade the test and even review it for content because this is not who you really are on paper. You are not reflecting your true abilities in this essay and as such, I cannot properly guide you towards the improvement of your English writing skills. I am sorry about that but I feel that is the only fair thing to do. Now, if you will rewrite this essay in your own words and allow us to accurately judge you based on your real writing abilities, then I will offer you the best possible advice to help you hone your skills.
**WRITING TASK 1 : How cement is used to produce concrete**  
  
The diagram shows the information about the stages in the cement to use for concrete production. Overall, the process was divided into 2 ways people made linear process. The first step was put raw materials and end results in concrete mixer.  
  
The first stage of cement production was insert the limestone and clay into the crusher until became powder. Afterwards, the powder passed through the mixer for several minutes. Next, it passed the small pipe. Moreover, the combination of rotating heater and heat will produce source of cement. Another steps, the material was grinded by grinder and can produce cement. In the end, the cement was packed in the bags and can continue to the another steps.  
  
Turning to the concrete production, the measure about the several materials such as the cement (15%), water (10%), sand (25%) and gravel (50%) was included in concrete mixer. More broadly, the machine will mix the materials and the it will produce the concrete.  
  
*
Dear Andika, here some advice for your writing and feel free to correct me too!...  
  
the process ~~was~~**is**~~divided~~**dividing** into 2 ways people ...  
  
The first step ~~was put~~**is putting****several** raw materials and ...  
  
... cement production ~~was~~**is that** insert**s** the limestone and (...) until ~~became~~**it becomes** powder.  
  
...the powder ~~passed~~**passes** through the mixer ...  
  
Next, it ~~passed~~**passes** the small pipe.  
  
Another steps, the material ~~was~~**is** grinded by grinder ...  
  
In the end, the cement ~~was~~**is** packed in the bags and ...  
  
...~~was~~**is** included in concrete mixer.  
  
Regards
Hello, let me give my correction for you  
  
results in the concrete mixer (the word "concrete mixer" need an article "the")  
  
... cement production was ~~insert~~inserted (because the both of was and insert are verbs, and two verbs must be separated by connector)  
  
~~Afterwards~~afterward , the powder  
  
Another ~~steps~~ step, ("another" is indicate the singular form)  
  
will produce the source of cement.  
  
the material was ~~grinded~~ground by grinder (ground is verb 3 of grind not grinded)  
  
~~the~~ it will produce the concrete  
  
thank you
**Hi Andika..  
here are a few corrections for your writing task 1. Hopefully, those can help you to improve your skill.**  
  
The diagram shows the information about the stages in the cement to use for concrete production  
If you mentioned that the diagrams only describe producing cement, it would seem you review partially. You should wrote  
*THE DIAGRAMS ILLUSTRATE A WAY TO PRODUCE CEMENT AND HOW COMPOSITION OF THE CEMENT AND OTHER MATERIALS TO MAKE CONCRETE.*  
  
Overall, the process was divided into 2 ways people made linear process.  
I have not got the point of what you meant. You might be gonna say  
OVERALL, THE PROCESS WAS DIVIDED INTO 2 WAYS TO PRODUCE THE HIGH QUALITY CONCRETE.  
  
... of cement production ~~was insert~~*(you should use the present tense because you explained the fact)* IS MIXING the limestone (...) until ~~became~~ BECOMING powder.  
... passed through the MACHINE OF mixer for several minutes~~. Next,~~ PRIOR TO it passed the small pipe.  
... will produce sourceS of cement. Another ~~steps,~~ IS THAT the material ~~was~~ IS grinded by grinder and ~~can produce~~ IS PRODUCED IN THE FORM OF THE cement. In the end, the cement ~~was~~ IS packed in the bags and ~~can continue to the another steps.~~ READY TO BE TRANSPORTED.  
  
... and gravel (50%) ~~was~~ ARE ~~included~~ BLENDED in ~~concrete~~ THE mixer OF CONCRETE.  
... will mix ~~the~~ ALL materials and ~~the it~~ will produce the concrete.
She was the selected Democratic candidate  
It's a good point (she was indeed *selected* by DNC to be a nominee, not *elected*, despite the fact she had less support than Bernie). So you should probably spend another sentence on that.  
  
Regarding experience, you suggest that more experience = better. If that was the case, M. Jordan, if he was still playing, would be the best MVP candidate? Probably not.  
  
You mention her experience as a wife of a president.. you may also ask a question - if she was not married to B. Clinton, would she have a chance to be selected as a congresswoman?  
  
Hillary Clinton has proven, with her years after years in office, that she can handle these permissions in a trustworthy and responsible manner.  
Yes, and should also mention the FBI investigation to an illegal server.  
  
You mention president Obama and how Mrs. Clinton would 'build on his success.' But are people really better off today than they were 8 years ago? Would they want to continue the same path?  
  
Finally, you may know that economy was among the most important issues in this year's presidential elections. But you only mention forcing 'equal pay' - forgetting that if there are high taxes and high regulations, like in the past 8 years, there are chances there would be no pay to share (businesses would either move to low-tax countries or would do nothing and join the millions who wait for the government to send them a paycheck).  
  
I think you focus too much on social issues which mean nothing in times of no economic growth; you may want to devote at least an additional paragraph to: economic struggles during the Obama administration, bad (not only good) sides of illegal immigration, and external threats / how to prevent them (terrorism etc.). Plus, you put too much emphasis on what somebody SAID (Trump) versus what somebody DID (or DID NOT do).  
  
Overall, this essay is very well written and constructed, but the points need to be more objective and stronger (again, focus more on hard-core issues, not social ones).
The topic talked about handedness, a speaker took example from Mathew who has artikel about music and sports. To begin with many different sports that gave beneficial not only for sport, also to identify strategy in the game. Moreover, how important handedness was people can focus on their flexibility in one situation. Another research stated that mix handedness will increase their capacity on occupation. Moving to the another several different sports that the most player tend to use hand, feet and eye. For example, hocky and tennis sports, more needed the mix handed have significant chance as to be more confident than the single handed. In stark contast with playing instrument music such as a violinist with using one hand reaching the high of level handedness.
Hi Andika, my thoughts goes first to the fact that not all or not a lot of readers are actually familiar to the word, "handedness", I for one actually have to look it up and I must say it is one of those words that you fear or you worry to be included in such sentence, however, should you have the right sentence and the right idea or message to associate your word to, it's actually a very fun word to use.  
  
Having said that, I have a few more suggestions for this summary essay.  
- ~~a~~the speaker took ~~example from~~ Mathew as an example  
- who has artikel about music and sports. - I'm not sure what you mean by this phrase.  
  
- To begin with,being handy in many different sports  
- ~~that~~~~gave~~has proven to be beneficial  
- not only for sports ,  
- Moreover, ~~how important~~ handedness ~~was~~is important so people can focus  
- capacity ~~on~~in finding their occupation.  
  
There you have it Andika, I left a few sentences for you to practice your editing and proof reading skills and for future writing reference, I suggest that you focus on the proper construction of your sentences as it can be sometimes confusing.