dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Wasel, I hope that you are just writing this essay as an English writing practice activity because if you are writing this for either the TOEFL or IELTS test, it isn't going to work. The essay is very poorly written in the sense that it doesn't really provide an explanation as to how the available information on the internet can have an influence on today's world.  
  
For example, when you mentioned bad information as being bad news, you should have followed up on that discussion with supporting statements / reasons and examples of bad news that has a negative influence on the world. The same goes for the good benefits. Learn to be consisted with your discussion formats, You can't go from a single opinion essay in one paragraph to a comparison essay in the next. The discussion method needs to be consistent and relevant.  
  
This essay is rushed, does not really offer insightful information, and seems to have been written only to fulfill a word count. It is not an effective presentation of your English writing skills because of the mistakes indicated within your work.
IELTS writing task 2  
topic: *Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmers (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?*  
  
## compulsory community service for free at schools?

  
  
It is indisputable that some people demand that uncharged service which is for public be suitable to be a part of high school programs. While some might argue that it is not appropriate to the pupils' learnings, I personally would agree with the idea that uncharged service is beneficial to both society and individuals.  
  
In terms of the reasons why people turn down to the uncharged service conducted by children, it might attribute to the following factors. Firstly, with the limitation of time, it could be difficult for children to strike a balance between the charitable program and the assignments form schools. And then, because under-aged students do not know so well about how to tackle the problems appropriately, some community engagements could be hard to accomplish sometimes.  
  
Yet there are some advantages if the unpaid service for public has been done. For individuals, a student could acquire immense tasks through practical experience, in the meantime, they van thus cultivate the ability to deal with the difficulties. When I was volunteering to the animal shelter in my neighborhood, for instance, I ran into an earthquake. Whats worse the minute the earthquake hit, al the animals wet nuts. They thus fight with others. After that, I learned how to cope with animals' trauma from a peer volunteer. With this impressive experience, I am an expert at healing simple wounds of animals.  
  
To sum up, even there are shortcomings for this idea that a compulsory high school program for unpaid service, the advantages are outdo than the drawbacks. That is to say, it is in favor of children' developments through invaluable practical experience.
Wendy, the first mistake that you made in the writing of this essay is that your opening presentation did not include an emotional response to a single opinion, as the focus of your essay. As such, you failed to properly implement the expected Task Accuracy requirements. This created an essay that was only partially correct in responding to the question posed. The next problem with your essay, which will prevent it from receiving a passing mark is that you turned this into a "Discuss both points of view, the present a personal opinion discussion", which isn't what the prompt is asking for.  
  
All Task 2 essays, unless otherwise specified, must focus on only a single point of view to discuss, defend, and prove to be the correct opinion, within the essay. This is what all 3 paragraphs should be all about. Since you did not follow the correct discussion instructions, and your response is only partially correct, your essay may not receive a passing score. Most specially since you had examples that were so irrelevant to the discussion that it would fail your C&C scoring as well.  
  
There are several samples of properly written essays based on this prompt at this forum, I urge you to review those essays and learn from the advice given so that you can avoid future errors, such as these failing score causing mistakes, in the future.
## the high rate of crimes among teenagers

  
  
The increasingly high rate of teenage crimes currently is a controversial problem, resulting into massive drawback to our own society. There are main causes and the ways to decline this problem woud be presented in the essay.  
  
To begin with, due to the advance of information technology, the youth is more likely to view commercialized mass media such as violence, pornography or incorrect political viewpoint. Therefore, the teenagers have a tendency to immitate identical actions, which causes uncontrolled behaviours. For instance, with 14-year-old boy exposing Harhey (a kind of obsence books), he would be stimulated to take dangerous actions like murdering or fighting another one. Moreover, increasing single-parent families are also the major factor. Children in these families were taken guildance for granted because their parents have to struggle for providing a stable environment. Thus, the youngsters tend to have feelings of emotionally isolated and discriminated, leading to catch attention by coming to a number of vices. According to Norway's studies in 2015, the amount of teenagers taking drugs in this families doubled than that in traditional ones.  
  
Ultimately, there are several ways to prevent the youth committing crimes. First, schools are so benificial that give orientation of the Internet usage. Also, government should play a crucial role in imposing stricter cencorship on the undersirable materials to avoid low-quality ones. Secondly, parents have to attend teach- children course. With they registering this course, there are numerous ways of child-rearing and helping youth avoid the vices.  
  
Based on all of the information above, both schools and parents need to focus on their children behaviours in life. To prevent guilty actions as practically it happen, listening to children stories and understanding their emotions could enable parents to give them some helpful advices to escape from troubles which could impact harmfully on cognitive procceses
Topic: **Computer is becoming an essential part of education. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of computer use in education and give your own opinion.**  
  
## benefits or drawbacks of computers

  
  
Computer is being used more and more popular in every field, especially in education. This tool has become an essential part of learning and teaching. There are some advantages and disadvantages of this trend.  
  
The use of computer in learning helps learners get access to a huge amount of information thanks to internet. It is easy to search for whatever you want quickly and accurately by using Google - a encyclopedia without using the books. In addition, computer can enhance liveliness and efficiency in teaching with a variety of visual aids because visual aids are tools that help to make an issue or lesson clearer or easier to understand and know such as pictures, models, etc.  
  
On the other hand, there are some drawbacks of computer use. When you use computer, you have to deal with technical problems such as data less and information stealing. For example, if your computer has not install security software, all the data on the computer can be stolen from hacker or virus inflection. Moreover, students can use computers to cheat in writing. These days, most students use plagiarism software on test for their laziness.  
  
Overall, education gain benefits from the development of computer as the process of applying technology advances in class. Beside, the uses and abuses of computer will bring many disadvantages in thinking and studying.  
  
In conclusion, computer can bring benefits or drawbacks depending on using computer of each person.
Truc, the minimum word requirement for the Task 2 IELTS essay is 250 words delivered in a 5 paragraph format. The presentation should be composed of the prompt paraphrase, 3 body paragraphs, and a concluding summary of the discussion. Your essay does not meet the minimum word requirement and will thus receive an automatic failing score. You cannot expect to pass when you cannot meet the minimum requirements of the essay prompt.  
  
In your opening paraphrase, you failed to introduce the complete prompt instructions which includes the presentation of a personal opinion in the discussion. Neither did you discuss your personal opinion as required in the essay as a separate body paragraph. These are even more serious mistakes in your writing and presentation process which will definitely prevent the essay from getting a passing score.  
  
The main problem, as I see it in your essay is that you only partially understood the prompt discussion instruction. Which makes your essay an incomplete presentation of the required discussion. It will be considered tangential in response and will probably receive a final score of about 4.
@bultmlisaj when you write an academic research paper, do the writing from the third person point of view. You should not be using first person references because this is not an opinion essay. The research much be presented from a third person point of view because you have to remain impartial in the presentation of facts. Avoid using exclamation points in your research presentation. That punctuation mark indicates a writer who is "shouting" at the reader. Being an academic paper, this must use an even, academic, relaxed, and analytical tone at all times. You will have to double check your punctuation marks. I noticed that you missed a few periods in the research. While you can forget about those while developing your draft, you should not forget to do a final proof read for the possible grammar, punctuation, and research information errors that you may have missed the first few times you scanned the paper during the earlier review process. Overall though, this is a well referenced paper that has an easy reading presentation. I would love to proof the final paper for you once you complete the research.
## The graph shows Underground Station passenger numbers in London.

  
  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.  
  
My answer:  
  
The graphs shows the number of passengers in the London Underground Station per hour, from 6 a.m to 10 p.m. It is easy to see that there is quite e great variability of passengers' flows.  
  
During the day, there are two peak of affluency, at 8 a.m and at 6 p.m, where the number of passengers is around 400 per hour. On the opposite side, it is possible to identify the lowest levels, with only 100 passengers, at the beginning of the underground service at 6 a.m and at 4 p.m. Moreover, looking at central hours of the day, from 9 a.m to 3 p.m, the numbers of passenger fluctuates between 200 and 300. Finally in the evening, after 8 p.m, flows are stable between 100 and 150.  
  
To sum up, the number of passengers at the London Underground Station varies, on average, during the opening hours, from 100 to 400, with some peakes related to office-hours.  
  
*
Sil, there are 2 mistakes in this essay. The first, is that Your opening and closing paragraphs are run on sentences. Always aim for the 3 sentence minimum. Try to add one paragraph as well since the Task 1 essay gets a better score with a 4 paragraph essay. The increase in paragraph number shows a better analysis of the percentage graph you were presented with. The other mistake, was that you changed the timing reference from 24 hour to 12 hour references. The 24 hour reference is what was used in the graph so, for accuracy purposes, you need to use the same time reference in your essay. Good work on presenting the low and peak hours. Though. There is a vocabulary problem present in the essay. Affluency refers to the "financial capacity" of a person or the amount of money a person has. It cannot refer to the number of people who ride the train. Remember, the LR score will be affected by the wrong use of English terminology. Words used in the wrong context, due to the word meaning will result in points deductions which will result in either a low or not passing score.
In some countries, many more people are choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?  
  
## the increase of single living

  
  
In recent years, it has been becoming increasingly common that people tend to live alone. In my opinion, this trend could give rise to both disadvantages and advantages.  
  
On the one hand, if there are more people chose to live individually, this trend can gain some benefits. As living individually, a person could become more mature and may have more useful skills for the future. A worker lives alone far away from home, for instance, no longer receives money support from his parents, he is able to gain money management skill to control his expenditure. Besides, the worker can learn how to protect his possessions from thieves. For example, living alone means that he cannot constrain the stealers from sneaking in his home during the time he is at his working time at company. Therefore, he has to find a careful way to keep his asset safe.  
  
On the other hand, there are several disadvantages for this tendency. As living alone, the individual has not helps from his roommate. For instance, if the worker was sick and nobody was beside him, he could go to pharmacy to buy some pills by his own foots. It must be a hard for a sick person. Besides, the worker can encounter serious danger when a thieve suddenly come in his house with a knife. It is absolutely obvious that the worker cannot do anything because of living alone; therefore he not also gets any help from roommate but also is not able to scream out loud for help.  
  
In conclusion, the increase of living alone may have both beneficial and detrimental effects on individual. Therefore, there must be a careful consideration between living alone and living with friends.
@Toantranchauquoc please refer below comments.  
  
First of all, essay topic is asking you for your opinion and you are stating advantages and disadvantages. You will lose your point on Task Achievement as you are not answering the question. You can recognize Opinion question by keywords "Do you think this is a positive or negative development?" In this case, you need to clearly state your opinion and provide supporting examples of your view. Please stay away from the partial opinion as it confuses the reader. ( at least in the case of IELTS Writing task 2)  
  
Following feedback is assuming this is Advantage and Disadvantage essay. This example question for this will like below;  
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In some countries, many more people are choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past. Discuss advantages and disadvantages for people staying alone.  
  
In Introduction, try to state what is advantage and disadvantage? Statement - "this trend could give rise to both disadvantages and advantages" doesn't provide any new information. Instead, you can write like "One of the advantages of living alone is, it assists with personal growth, and a person can become more mature and financially independent" Similarly, you should state disadvantage in the Introduction as well. This will provide a reader an idea of what you are going to talk in this essay and makes reading smooth. You can try introduction structure like Paraphrase Question, State advantage, State Disadvantage.  
  
Similarly, sentences like "On the one hand, if there are more people chose to live individually, this trend can gain some benefits" and "On the other hand, there are several disadvantages for this tendency" do not supply any new information and boring. Try to state paragraph first sentence like "On the other hand, staying alone means you have to manage through even in the case of the emergency like sickness or theft and you are on your own." You can also utilize following structure for Paragraphs 2 and 3 State advantage, Explanation, and Examples.  
  
Also, try to use more complex sentence structure by combing one or more sentences and using various vocabularies. Hope this help.  
  
If you can provide feedback on my essay that will help.
Nguyen, this is a single opinion essay that you opted to discuss as a double point of view. That is the main reason why you will fail this essay. That, along with the fact that you were asked to discuss a positive or negative development and you instead, opted to discuss advantages and disadvantages, means that you did not understand the prompt requirement for the discussion. Let's outline the requirement so you can better see how you made a mistake:  
  
Original Instruction: Do you think this is a positive or negative development?  
  
Your Response: this trend could give rise to both disadvantages and advantages.  
  
While some will say that advantages and disadvantages could be used as an alternative term for positive and negative, when it comes to the Task 2 essay, it is always best to use the obvious keywords in the paraphrasing of the opening statement. That way, the examiner will clearly see that you understood the important question being asked and that you knew how to properly use it in a sentence.  
  
Please remember that unless explicitly asked to compare two points of view, all Task 2 essays are discussed from a single point of view. That is why your essay cannot receive a high score in this instance. You lost major points in the TA section mostly because of the prompt deviation in your response. Aside from that, the C&C section scoring of the essay asks that all paragraphs be developed with no more than 5 sentences per paragraph, you developed each paragraph with either 6 sentence of 2 sentences. The 2 sentences are short of the 3 sentence minimum for the presentation. The short paragraphs immediately indicate run on sentences in your presentation. However, most of your body paragraphs are also composed of run on sentences, all of which, when combined, will reduce the GRA and C&C score to less than passing marks. When combined, all of the 4 scoring considerations will tally into a failing score for your test.
## the lack of healthy food and physical exercises

  
  
Hi everyone, I am practising writing IELTS writing task 2 and I hope you all help me improve my writing skills.  
Here is the task:  
  
*Obesity is an increasing public health problem in some parts of the world. Explain some possible reasons for this problem and suggest some solutions.  
Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.*  
  
Here is my answer:  
  
It is true that obesity has been a serious health issue in many developed countries. There are several causes of this problem, but there are also solutions. One cause is a poor diet. Another cause is lack of physical activity. People should try to have healthier meals and take regular exercises.  
  
The first reason for obesity is that most people do not have a balanced diet. Specifically, they prefer eating out at restaurants that serve fast foods such as fried chicken and hamburgers. These kinds of food contain a great amount of unhealthy fat and calories which make people who consume them gain weight. Besides, many of them have late night dinners, which, according to scientists, may increase the risk of obesity because the body does not have an opportunity to burn the calories.  
  
The second reason is that obese people do not take regular exercises. As a result of the fast pace of modern life, these people tend to have a sedentary lifestyle. In simpler terms, they often sit long hours at their offices and spend less time for outdoor activities. Moreover, the harder they work, the more stress that places on them, which can also encourage a passive lifestyle. In other words, stressed people tend to eat and sleep more and feel lazy to take physical activities.  
  
In order to curb the obesity epidemic, it is important that people have healthy eating patterns that contain less fat and sugar. Instead of eating too much junk food, they can try to spend more time cooking healthy food at home and try to consume less meat and more vegetables. Furthermore, they should exercise on a daily basis as well. By this way, people not only reduce the risk of getting obese but also prevent many other dangerous diseases like diabetes and heart disease.  
  
In conclusion, there are two main reasons for the rising rate of obesity in many western countries, which are the lack of healthy food and physical exercises. However, this issue could be tackled by making appropriate changes to our lifestyle and eating habits.
@David Please refer below comments.  
  
In Introduction, try to use more complex sentence and the sentence like "There are several causes of this problem, but there are also solutions" is simple rephrasing question, and doesn't provide any new information. Instead of that you can write like "There are several causes of this problem, and one of them is people having a poor diet. If people can consume healthier meals and do regular exercise, then it solves health issue"  
  
Also, try to elaborate solution for lack of exercise, like "if a workplace provides fitness center facility, or if Government creates awareness among people about physical fitness, then people gets more motivated to do workouts. In many cities, Government organizes fundraising events like Biking, Half Marathons, and it benefits to gathering fund, as well as people, get encouraged to do physical activities. "  
  
Furthermore, if you can improve the structure of the essay, then it helps the reader. For example, you can do follow -> Para 1 - Intro, Para 2 - Problems, Para 3 - Solution, Para 4- Conclusion.  
  
Overall the essay has the minimum to none grammar and spelling mistakes, and to the point.  
  
If you can provide feedback on my essay, that would be great.
David, the main problem with your essay is that you began the discussion of the given topic in the opening paragraph instead of on the second paragraph. The first paragraph must always remain vague about the upcoming discussion as that is how the paraphrase requirement is best presented. Direct discussions may only be done in the first paragraph in the direct question essay of the Task 2 test. Unless you have a direct question essay, avoid beginning the discussion in the first paragraph because that paragraph is meant to test your ability to restate information in the English language.  
  
When you discuss the body of paragraphs. Do not use a counting system of indicating your thoughts. This shows a weak sentence development ability because, rather than using transition sentences and topic sentences to showcase your English writing abilities, you are relying on an outline format for the discussion, which limits your ability to prove that you have the vocabulary and grammar skills to academically express yourself in English.  
  
Avoid presenting long sentences. Do not use run-on sentences because there is a 3 sentence minimum requirement for each paragraph. By using run on sentences, you will automatically lower your GRA score as you do not properly show the examiner that you are able to write a mix of simple and complex sentences in each paragraph.  
  
Basically, the reasoning in your essay is sound, but the execution is faulty. Unfortunately, your scores will be diminished by the formatting and sentence development mistakes. So you may not get an impressive score for this essay in the actual setting.