dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
*Topic:  
**There is disagreement on the impact of increased business and culture contact between the countries on the country's identity .***  
## What is your opinion

?  
  
Answer:  
Global integration has been carried out by the developed and developing nations throughout the world. This sparks public opinion whether countries would put their indigenous culture at risk or whether they could economical and cultural benefit from the closer relationship with the rest of the world. This issue could be viewed and analyzed among multiple perspectives.  
  
When it comes to international integration, there is no compelling evidences to be taken into account of the deterioration of nation's conventions. In other words, opening the border to the other parts of the world is considered an action boosting the reputation of the country among the worthy destinations thanks to the number of foreign visitors,who desire discovering different lifestyles as well as history. Furthermore, it should not be neglected that tourism has always exceeded the high proportion in the economy, supporting the preservation and protection to nation's features. Another benefit from integration that is avocated by the massive countries is participating international organization of cuture and history, the effective way to raise the fund for this purpose.  
  
Meanwhile the opponents grab their own viewpoints that to develop tourism sometimes at the expense of part of culture. It means once the others discover one's culture, the natives also approach and absorb the new traditions from those travellers with or without purpose. For a solid example, Vietnam is an Asian nation which is undertaken by strict rule, customs and taboos; specially in sex. Vietnamese are not allowed to discuss sex to each other as such issue is ban and shame, even it is not included in education system .  
  
Nevertheless, since western cultures arrived, the youngsters have had changed their mind set in many aspects, including sex. That seems acceptable in the contemporary life but the majority of juveniles and children are associated with it unconsciously, causing harms on traditions and breaking the time- honored convention. The degradation of nature and environmental, moreover, is an unavoidable subject if the number of visitors is out of supervision . Not only is Vietnam but also the rest of the world are dealing with it.  
  
Awareness, obviously, takes a key responsibility for the culture conservation when international integration is significantly contributing to the development of economy and culture in each nation.
Your response deviated from the discussion reason that was provided in the original prompt. The only perspective that you should be discussing in this essay is the one related to the reference of ; "on the country's identity ". That means, the discussion is not about the globalization of business but rather the "regionalization" of a business. The latter term is in reference to how global brands enter a country and, by virtue of their desire to be accepted by the country's national's, they adjust their global presence to suit the needs and tastes of the individual country.  
  
Your discussion is all over the place. You have taken into account all possible discussion angles except the one that really matters, which is the disappearance or pollution of the country's identity due to the increased business presence of a foreign company in the country. Possible discussion points here would have been why Dunkin', even though it is a popular brand across the world, could not find acceptance for the global brand in India. Or, why Starbucks is not succeeding in Vietnam, even though the country is known for having heavy coffee drinkers. Both businesses signify and increased international business in the country, but also, represents a distortion of the culture and identity of the country through the introduction of hybrid products that are meant to keep the global brand alive, while catering to local tastes.  
  
Had you focused on the true discussion point of the essay, you would have presented a clear discussion that paints a clear understanding of the discussion subject and provided discussion point. The way I see it, the essay is good, but not really focused on the required discussion point.
## Teaching children how to be good members of society

  
  
**Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, school is the place to learn this.  
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.**  
  
People have different views about teaching children to become a good citizen of the community. While some people argue that parents play an indispensable role in shaping children's personality traits, others claim that school is a right place for children to learn social values. I strongly believe that both parents and school are equally significant in this issue.  
  
On the one hand, it can be argued that parents have a tremendous influence on their children's behaviours. Parents are primary teachers and home is the first school for children from birth to preschool. Children imitate most of parents' actions, therefore, it is important for parents to set a good example for their child. It is also noticeable that the personality development of children initiate from home in the early stage. For example, in that period, children can be taught about good and bad concepts, how to respect elderly and how to treat people with proper attitudes.  
  
On the other hand, some people argue that school is also a main factor that affects the form of children's qualities. School is a small environment which equips children with a colossal of knowledge and teachers are considered as influencers who instil children with discipline and social responsibilities. Children spend an amount of time at school to learn essential skills to become independent and confident in the real world. For example, children would be taught about basic characteristics in a working environment such as punctuality, teamwork skill, and discipline which are necessary. Furthermore, in school, children could interact with their friends from diverse backgrounds and characteristics. Hence, they have the opportunity to show and build their own independence and self-reliance.  
  
In my honest opinion, both schooling and parenting are crucial to a child's development and they are not interchangeable. Therefore, children could perceive both moral values, knowledge and social skills.  
  
In conclusion, teaching children how to become a helpful person is an arduous task that both parents and schools have equal responsibility for.
First of all, the way you divide your argument into paragraphs is not completely logical. This is a " Discuss both views and your opinion essay". Of course, there would be different ways to separate paragraphs . In this particular situation, you divide your body into 3 paragraphs, in which the 1st and the 2nd discuss those 2 views in the prompt task ; the 3rd paragraph is your opinion. However your 3rd paragraph is too short although the half of the prompt task requires your personal opinion. Therefore, this would make you lose TA points. Personally, if you are out of ideas to continue your argument for the 3rd paragraph, you should simultaneously show your opinion during your discussing process. In detail, this means you can give your opinion on each viewpoint at the end of the 2 first paragraph. Or else, you can put it in the conclusion. Just don't make it a paragraph if you don't have 3 sentences or more  
  
In fact, in most cases, each paragraph should require at least 3 sentences . Therefore, we could see 1 more problem in your essay is the conclusion. It didn't paraphrase the prompt very well. You should always restate the prompt task and then restate your opinion in this kind of essay.
## interference of government to people' privacy

  
  
It is a common belief that the interference of government to people' privacy is unacceptable. However, i firmly believe that the government can infringe on people's freedom in order to protect them in serveral emergences and to make sure that safety regulations are obligated.  
  
To begin with, protecting individuals from danger is the first magnitude of government. That is because, nowadays, the crimes are more than before and that go with a lot of risks, which not only threaten to people's life but also influence badly to entire country. For example, in vietnam, there is a command that the traffic police can impose the doubting drivers to stop and check what they are bringing. Although that is intrusive and many people feel it is unnecessary, to control the risks, they have to do that.  
  
In addition, violating people's freedom right is to ensure the safety regulations are followed. Certain jobs can bring danger to each other if the employees do not act safely and responsibly. In this regard, it is important to ensure employees followed safety rules even if their right are intruded during the process. Take an example of the bus or plane driver cases. Their job expect enough responsibility and capacity. Therefore, requiring these people check medical tests is to make sure that are healthy and capable. This is essential to guarantee that these people are not putting lives of others in danger.  
  
To conclude, because the duty of government is to protect people, therefore, every person should understand and follow the government's safety regulation.
I am not sure if you wrote this as a part of a Task 2 essay writing practice or if you are just writing a general essay given a specific topic. Either way, the main problem that I see with your work has to do with the clarity of the discussion. You have to do more sentence completion exercises before you start to write essays. Most of your sentences are difficult to understand because of the improper word choices. It creates difficulty in understanding what you are trying to say. Here is a tip, don't write too much in a sentence. Keep it short. Work on using simple vocabulary for now. Don't over complicate your writing exercise. Focus on learning how to make yourself understood first. That start, with learning how to properly structure an English sentence. So work on English sentence exercises alongside your essay writing sessions. That would be the best way to improve the main problem with your writing style / skills.
## Pros and cons of studying an online course

  
  
**Task:** *In the last decade, there has been a great increase in the number and variety of online courses available to adults. This has been welcomed as a great opportunity by many students, however, other students see these courses as less effective than classroom teaching. What are the advantages and disadvantages of studying an online course?*  
  
The recent decade has witnessed a significant increase in the quantity and variety of courses on the Internet for adults, which are argued to be beneficial for some reasons. Nevertheless, other people claim that these courses are not able to replace the study in classroom. This essay will discuss some benefits and possible risks of this teaching method.  
  
On the one hand, online courses have several positive effects. One key benefit is its flexibility, which means that online classes allow learners to choose their favorite study time and place. This is extremely necessary for those who cannot go to classes due to far distance or their working schedule. Besides, studying on the Internet helps reduce the course fees as the location and facilities rental is saved. Taking moon.vn (a website organizing online courses for Vietnamese high school students) as an example, each month they save 40% more than average budget of other offline teaching centers, meaning that they have more to spend on enhancing their curriculum's quality.  
  
On the other hand, there are also some negative impacts which must be considered. One important issue is that there are currently hundreds of online courses, which are not easy for the government to verify their quality. Unreliable sources could be dangerous as they provide unprecise and subjective information. Furthermore, compared with traditional classes, there is less interaction between students and teachers and their peers. This makes it more difficult for learners to fully understand the lesson because they receive only little support from others. For instance, with lessons which are previously recorded and played back later on, learners cannot give questions straightly to teachers and the discussion with other students need hours or days to be responded.  
  
In conclusion, while online courses can benefit the study of learners thanks to their flexibility and savings, they also have some obstacles compared with traditional classes.  
  
Please help me review my essay. Thank you!
There is a slight error in your discussion instruction paraphrase. You are not going to discuss the advantages and possible risks, you are to discuss the advantages and disadvantages of the proposed learning methods. A risk is defined as exposure to the chance of injury or loss; a hazard or dangerous chance, while a disadvantage is ; the state or an instance of being in an unfavorable circumstance or condition. Based on the definition, I am sure you can understand why your response is in error when considered in the original context of the discussion. this is a D/A discussion essay.  
  
Still in reference to your opening paraphrase, you did not fully rephrase the presentation to show a clear knowledge of the English language. You are still using keywords from the original presentation. A totally new presentation would have been:  
  
*Over the past 10 years, grownups have been attending an assortment of virtual classes. Learners have seen the advent of this situation as a good fortune for themselves. The problem, is that some pupils still believe that nothing can replace a lecture hall. Both learning styles offer positives and negatives for students. Let us have a look at one of each discussion point.*  
  
While your grammar is not perfect, there is a sense of simple clarity and cohesion in your reasoning presentations. You did a good job discussing the talking points. I guess the earlier errors were caused by your lack of English vocabulary and understanding. Brush up on your vocabulary. Always make sure to use the right descriptive term or you could lose LR points in the actual test.
Prompt:  
## Many museums charge for admission while others are free.

  
***Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?***  
  
My answer:  
In many countries, payment of entrance fee is a requisite for admission to museums. As a history fanatic, I suppose this place is for cultural and historical education. Therefore, I believe that asking for a charge here could bring more harm than good.  
  
Understandably, museums need financial support to be fully operational. Businesses usually acknowledge that without a sufficient fund, they would not be able to pay for the renovation, preservation of expensive artefacts or just the employees working there. It is also true that many a time visitors come in groups, they tend to make noise, which can be disruptive to others inside. Because of this, a substantial amount of available budget might be shared for security services, and admission fee might supply that sum of money.  
  
However, this should not be prioritized over the importance that museum attaches to the society. Firstly, it could be discouraging for low-income families to pay the required fee for entrance, and their children might not have access to witnessing history at hand, which might have helped for their education. This further raises the issue related to educational inequality. Moreover, it should be realized that taxpayers money can also suffice for the operation of museums. Later on, this amount can allow businesses to afford and enhance their security services, thus render museums more attractive and pleasing to visitors.  
  
In conclusion, I am convinced that charging for entry to museum is more detrimental than beneficial. In other words, if admission is free of charge, it could somehow bridge the educational disparity. Even though museums might be cut off from a source of financial assistance, they can ask for funding from taxpayers and therefore, use it wisely to attract more visitors.
Never use words of uncertainty in a Task 2 test. The essay is calling for a precise description of your opinion on the topic. A precise opinion is what will bring clarity and coherence to your discussion. You cannot be on the fence about the discussion. Make a decision and stick to it. Support your decision in the reasoning paragraphs. Don't try to stay in the middle aisle. You have to be clear from the get go. Do you suppose or are you certain? Make a decision and clearly state it in the response to the question. Assumptions and suppositions have no place in this task discussion.  
  
Use the 2 reasoning paragraphs to support only one side. Do not do a comparison essay where it is not indicated that you have to do so. Remember, you are scored on the cohesiveness of your presentation. Therefore, the 2 reasoning paragraphs need to be connected to your original opinion. It cannot be cohesive if it tries to represent 2 different discussion points. It can be coherent, if you clearly explain yourself in the paragraphs, but definitely not cohesive because the relationship between the two discussion points are on opposite ends. The discussion has to take only one side of the discussion and stick to it with a clear, strong, and valid supporting argument.  
  
You cannot say "I supposed" somewhere at the start then say "I am convinced" at the end of the same paragraph. That creates a lack of clarity in your discussion and strength of your opinions. You changed direction mid-discussion. Also, do not start a reasoning countdown (firstly), then not go on with it. There is never a reason to count down in your presentation. Only reasons are important and the explanation, even more important.  
  
"In conclusion" is a memorized phrase. Try to change it. You need to show the examiner that you have a varied vocabulary that can help you summarize the discussion points. You could say "To wrap up the discussion", "All things considered", "The justification of the discussion is", or other similar concluding kick-off phrases.
## convenience foods emerging rapidly

  
  
The rise of convenience foods has helped people keep up with the speed of modern life style. What are the advantages and disadvantages? Do the advantges outweigh the disadvantages?  
  
There is an increasing number of people opting for convenience for in response to fast-paced modern lifestyle. This way, it makes a big change in companies and consumers alike. Although this phenomenon brings both advantages and disadvantages, the advantages absolutely outweigh the disadvantages.  
  
The two main advantages of this trend are offering opportunities for busy people and creating a novel industry for many corporations. First of all, business, who have to engross themselves in their work, stand a good chance to reduce the time for eating and prioritise their business. For example, most of the employees can only spend a few minutes for lunchtime, so convenience foods are reasonable options. Moreover, convenience foods emerging rapidly lead to the establishment of many companies. The demands for these foods are high, and many companies make a fortune with regard to this trend. For instance, convenience stores like Circle K and KFC become prevalent brands due to the increase of these foods.  
  
However, obesity and addiction to convenience foods are definitely alarming issues. It is undeniable that these foods contain unhealthy substances and lacking nutrients, which increase the rate of obese people. Furthermore, convenience foods deprive the ability of cooking from people. Needless to say, people are more dependent on these foods than the past, and at the same time the consuming of junk foods is going up. It can clearly be seen that young people in some countries are unable to cook meals for themselves, and hamburgers are widely chosen for breakfast. Nevertheless, if junk foods were consumed moderately, there would be no need to concern.  
  
In conclusion, although convenience foods leads to obesity and addiction, it has an extremely positive impact on busy people and market. I believe that its benefits definitely outweigh its drawbacks.
Hi @THC1310vn, even if the prompt already said that the topic is about convenience food, I think you still need to state it clearly in your introduction paragraph instead of just writing "opting for convenience" as it sounds too general. I'll opt to put it this way for a safer measure :  
  
*The fast pace in which the modern lifestyle is taking turn now makes the existence of convenience foods become a blessing. It is able to help people to have a quick meal in the middle of their busy life. The handiness of it in assisting people to get through their day results in a high demand of this product, which can also be beneficial for food companies. Despite some negative views such as its health value, I personally think that convenience foods bring more advantages rather than drawbacks in helping people keeping up with their life today.*  
  
"First of all, business, who have to ..." --> I think the "business" here should be "businessman" as business can't really engross themselves in works. In my point of view as a reader, I feel like your statement of disadvantages is stronger here compared to your stance. The dangers seem to be more prominent here rather than the advantages, despite the last sentence in the second paragraph.  
  
I'm no professional and still very much learning, but I hope that this can still help you even just a little bit. Good luck and cheers :-)
## escalation of tourism around the world

  
  
Over the past few decades, by virtue of highly-developed means of transport, there has an escalation of tourism around the world. This paradigm shift is often believed to have more merits than demerits. However, is this always the case? Does it really result in a better world for our human beings? Let's delve into the pros and cons of increased tourism.  
  
To commence with, it is mandatory to take into consideration the upsides of this tendency. Firstly, supporters of international tourism would argue that the more opportunities people have to travel, the broader knowledge and experience they acquire. That is to say, they no longer have to depend on books and movies to watch the world, instead now they can genuinely experience the magnificence of our planet. In the second place, the tourism can attract a sheer volume of tourists from many places, contributing to the development of a nation's economy. By way of illustrations, a variety of local businesses, such as hotels, restaurants will benefit from the increasing number of foreign travelers. Also, more job opportunities will be created, which will help to solve the question of unemployment. Hence, many countries now are eagerly disseminating their own unique attractions.  
  
These benefits, on the contrary, truly pale into insignificance when compared to the conundrums of this change. To begin with, as more and more people turn to travelling with reasonable prices, environmental problems triggered by transportation are inevitable. As a matter of fact, there has been significant degradation in air quality when an accelerating number of people opt for air travel. Furthermore, since most places of interest are constructed in the past and their quality could not meet today's standards, exploitation of these sites may result in damage or even destruction. This will heavily affect its nation's culture and history. Following by this, chances are that local living conditions and lifestyle are disturbed and the environment are degraded due to the fact that floods of travelers pour into the once serene places and bring in rubbish and noise.  
  
All in all, albeit some obvious advantages of this trend, I would believe that these are outweighed by the disadvantages.