dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## methods for making a great holiday

  
  
Holidays are important because they provide a break from our normal daily routine and the world of work. To make a great holiday, there are three following methods.  
  
Firstly, taking control of the planning progress by a detailed destination. Many people don't enjoy planning, but you're more likely to look forward to your trip if you're picking and choosing things that appeal to you. It's probably better to visit a place you've never been if you're looking for the best holiday ever. You're more likely to have memorable experiences if you aren't comparing your trip with other trips you've been on. It's best to start planning at least a month. This will give you enough time to research rates, sights, and book tickets.  
  
Secondly, do not skimp out on a possible great once in a lifetime experience for financial reasons. Money makes the world go round, and running out of it at an inappropriate moment could mess up your trip. Keeping a track of your money may be setting yourself a daily or weekly amount you are happy to spend, could help you avoid issues  
  
Last but not least, your holiday will be more interesting with companions. Choose travel companions that you know you'll have a blast with. If you plan on doing some partying, bring that crazy friend. If you want some philosophical conversation on the trip, take that friend working on their doctorate.
Regardless of the type of essay you are writing, the standard paragraph format is 3 sentences minimum. This is the number count that allows you to write a clearer representation of your thoughts. In the first paragraph, you should have summarized the 3 methods for making a great holiday. That way you would have clear discussion topics for the reader to refer to in case he forgets what he is reading about.  
  
Make sure that your paragraphs are of a similar length to assure the reader of comprehensive and coherent information. Look out for missing punctuation marks such as the period at the end of the second paragraph. Try to explain how the person can create a budget for his trip. Don't just say he has to save money otherwise he will have spending issues. Make the paragraph informative and useful.
## houses' cost in Britain

  
  
The bar chart elucidates the different houses' cost in Britain of each five years, meanwhile the pie charts illustrate the proportion of people who possess or rent accommodations or use those as homes in the period from 1980 to 2005.  
  
In 15 years since 1980, it witnessed a relative stability in the price of houses, which had a gradual augmentation from about 20.000$ to approximately 60.000$. In this period, the percentage of each people group was also kept nearly unchangeable that those having second home and owners respectively made up for about 8% and 35% when ones renting places to live outweigh the others.  
  
However, in the next ten years after 1995, the price underwent a dramatic increase, particularly around 100.000$ in 2000 and eventually fourfold in 2005. Furthermore, the tendency of utilizing houses changed considerably that most people, 53% of the total, personally possess a house and ones paying money to have a short-term place just contributed an extremely small amount, about 3%.  
  
I hope I can receive sincere and helpful feedbacks, because my writing is still very bad.  
Thank you for your comments.  
( every number i listed is 100% true, all i need is about vocabulary, grammar and other perspectives of ielts scoring :))
Hi! To be honest, it's quite difficult to imagine Task 1 without the illustration but I'll try.  
  
For the first paragraph:  
1. Meanwhile is used in the beginning of a sentence. You may use 'but' in the middle.  
2. I think you can use 'from ... to ...." without in the period.  
  
In the second paragraph, you may use this term 'In the ... years since ...' or just use 'Since ...'  
I'm unfamiliar with 'kept unchangeable' because usually I use 'remain stable' / 'keep constant'/ 'level off'.  
  
For the third paragraph, you may use 'in the next ... ' without 'after....' If the data is past, don't forget to use the past tense.  
  
All in all, for the context, since I could compare with the data, ensure that you inform the critical points only.  
  
Sorry if there are any mistakes and good luck for your test!
## Percentage of Australian men and women doing regular physical activity

  
  
The given bar chart demonstrates a brief view of the percentage of Australian men and women in various age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. It is obvious to see that the ratio between these two genders is consistent and does not have dramatic gap.  
  
Overall, the percentage of Australian females is higher than the males in most age groups, except for the group of 15 to 24 years old in which the ratio of females to males is 47.7 : 52.8. We can assume that after the age of 25, women in Australian are reported to do more regular physical activity than men.  
  
To be detailed, the most noticeable gap between the percentages of females and males in doing physical work regularly happens to be in the age group of 35 to 44 years old which is about 13%, making it the biggest gap. The smallest gap would be in the age group of over 65 years old, which is just 1%.  
  
To conclude, it can be said from the bar chart that the percentage of Australian men and women doing physical work regularly in 2010 is fairly even.  
  
*P/S: Thank you for spending time checking my essay as I really appreciate! I haven't write any Ielts essay for quite a long time so the quality is not very good. But if you are an Ielts examiner or were an Ielts examiner, may I ask if you can give me score to reflect on this essay so I can improve myself more? Thank you very much!*  
  
*
Hi, we used to offer scoring as a part of our free services. As of now, the scoring service is already part of our premium services. You may request for scoring when you avail of our private essay review service or when you make your thread URGENT. Any student who scores an essay for another student will find his account suspended. As of now, I can provide you with a complete free review service. Here we go:  
  
Your summary overview is too similar to the original prompt presentation. This will be deemed closer to a cut and paste or memorized representation of the prompt, which will result in score deductions for you. The information provided in the summary is incomplete as you did not include the age range as referred to in the chart. You could have indicated that the age range was from 15 to over 65 to help complete the summarized information.  
  
Do not make assumptions in the task 1 essay. You must only provide the actual information from the bar chart. Do not make assumptions in the presentation when these are presented as facts in the image. So the fact is, the percentage of women exercising increases after the age of 25. You will not score extra points for making assumptions where none is presented in the original image.  
  
This essay does not require a conclusion as it is a summarized report. Rather, you should be presenting your conclusion as the actual trending statement in your summary overview. Do not separate your presentation so much to meet a 4 paragraph requirement when the original prompt allows for only 3 paragraphs. Trying to lengthen the presentation for no reason isn't going to increase your scoring ability.
## job right away after high school or further study

  
  
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.  
  
Many students face the dilemma of whether studying higher education or getting a job after graduating from high school. I strongly believe that studying at university or college gives students better chances to promote themselves in their life.  
  
There are various compelling reasons why pupils should have a higher education. People who have bachelor's degrees are likely to attain a perfect job with a higher salary than non-graduate counterparts. With the development of business, the job market is becoming more and more competitive. Thus young people with lower or no degrees have no opportunities to compete with those who have a more educated workforce. For example, many jobs like doctor, lawyer... demand high qualification, experiences, and specialist knowledge  
  
On the other hand, I firmly hold the view that getting a job after graduating from high school makes students be more independent. Instead of wasting a lot of money on studying, they can afford to earn their living. They have enough conditions to share the burden of family expenses. Furthermore, they are likely to gain a wealth of experience and soft skills which attribute to promote their career prospects. With many years of experience, they could startup to gain more achievement like opening a restaurant or establishing a new company.  
  
In conclusion, I think that students should have a higher education to get a better chance for career prospects.
The prompt for this essay asks you to discuss 2 public points of view and then offer a personal opinion. Your restatement reflects a single, run-on sentence that does not consider the 3 instruction presentation requirement. Your restatement should, for this particular essay contain:  
  
- First public pov (university is the best way to get a career)  
- Second pov (it is better to work right after high school)  
- A reference to a personal point of view discussion.  
  
When you read your essay, you will see that the first paragraph was improperly formatted. I believe you accidentally pressed the enter key, causing a split between the paraphrase and your opinion indicator sentence. Always make sure that you write 3-5 sentences for both the opening and concluding paraphrase. Otherwise, your essay doesn't follow the required restatement requirement.  
  
Avoid the use of informal punctuation marks such as ellipses in your opinion essay. It removes the academic integrity of your presentation. Always double check your punctuation marks, You are missing a period in one sentence.  
  
The reasoning paragraphs need to have 3 presentations. You discussed only one combined discussion paragraph for the 2 public opinions. Each opinion needs to be fully developed in a 5 sentence, standalone paragraph to be considered fully developed and explained. Your personal opinion needs to be the 3rd paragraph in the presentation.
IELTS WRITING TASK 2 on building styles  
  
**Question:**  
***In many cities the constructions of new houses and office building is not controlled. This leads to people building in whatever style they want without thinking about design.***  
  
## Do the advantages of this trend outweigh disadvantages?

  
  
**Answer:**  
It is true that the government does lack the construction policy to manage the building activities intensively to erect the brand-new flats and high-end workspaces in the cities at the moment. While I understand that critics may see this as a considerable contribution into the national architectural flourish, I strongly believe that the disadvantages do outweigh the advantages.  
  
There are two main reasons why people might approve of uncontrollably raising new constructions in metropolitans. The first objection is that the massively estate-design syntonisation eliminates the main function of the architectural industry in human life. The industry clearly lasts along with the human's history and contributes largely into general achievements and developments of our species of humanity. The second argument supporting the freedom of constructing distinguished houses in the urban areas is that citizens spend their golden efforts and valuable youth in order to earn money and to possess their own properties. As a result, they are obviously able to build the house based on any personal design in their own desires in the sense of basic human rights.  
  
In spite of the benefits mentioned above, I truly believe that the promulgation and administration of the liberal terms in the construction law to the estate-raising activities in towns is a negative measure. They key point in this issue is that negatively huge impacts of uncontrolled building activities will bring constructions an existence, which are fundamentally not guaranteed in terms of safety and hygienic conditions. For instance, the landlord or the owners of business premises would always prefer to invade the pavement, and it's not only in the land base but it's also in the upper space in order to take advantage of the extra area of land. As a result, people, who stroll on the sidewalk, definitely take risks of accidents due to the collapse of the long and large balcony above. By contrast, due to the baby-boomer era of Vietnam at the moment, massive demand of housing increases rapidly in the recent background of the policies and standards, and the risky flats and houses, which are just pieces of tiny space without any inner fire fighting and prevention system, will surely endanger the lives of local residents as the visible result.  
  
In conclusion, it seems to me that we lose more than we gain from the self-monitored infrastructure that the uncontrolled constructions bring to our cities.
Your prompt restatement includes information that was not presented in the original prompt. As such, your restatement will be deemed inaccurate and offering a personal opinion even though you were not instructed to do so. The restatement must be a clear representation of the original, without any added information or opinions. This could have been better presented as:  
  
*The architecture of commercial establishments and homes do not have any clear guidelines to follow. This has resulted in non-uniform design styles. There has been a failure to think about the design concepts. I believe that this has resulted in more disadvantages than advantages. My opinion is based on the the reasons that (1) and (2).*  
  
If you can manage to mention your 2 reasons in the discussion outline towards the end of the paraphrase, the clarity of your opinion can be better considered and scored by the examiner. As of now, your paraphrase does not follow the expected response format and contains irrelevant opinions. These will not result in a good TA score for you.  
  
You should mention that there are two reasons for your opinion in the outline, not in the reasoning paragraphs. The reasoning paragraphs should focus only on topic sentences at the start. Avoid using 2 reasons in 1 paragraph. These lead to confusing discussions and under developed paragraph presentations. For these types of essays it would be better for you to use a single paragraph to disprove an advantage as a disadvantage. The format can be:  
  
Sentence 1: Advantage  
Sentence 2: Explanation of advantage  
Sentence 3: Explain why this is a disadvantage  
Sentence 4: Give an example to support your disadvantage opinion  
Sentence 5: Add a supporting explanation for your disadvantage based on the advantage opinion  
  
By using 2 paragraphs that utilizes this format, you will not have to waste word count and presentation space. Your discussion will be coherent and cohesive because you focus on a single topic for 2 discussion presentations. Proving that you have the C&C, as well as GRA skills to pull off a combined opinion presentation. You can quite possible get better marks overall when using the combined discussion method.  
  
Never present a personal opinion where it is not required. This essay never asked for your personal opinion so presenting it in the closing paragraph will only help to reduce, rather than increase your overall score. Always follow the discussion requirements as indicated in the prompt. Use the closing paragraph to summarize the discussion, without giving a personal opinion since it is not included as an instruction in the original discussion.
**Q**:  
*## Films were produced by big companies in the past, but today people are able to make a film

.  
**Do you think this trend is positive or negative?***  
  
**A**:  
In recent decades, there has been a growing trend in the number of films made by ordinary people. Although films produced by giant companies usually get a large investment and high quality, the ability to make a film for amateurs could carry a positive impact on the film industry.  
  
There are many great opportunities for a non-professional filmmaker. Firstly, when recording footage does not require a high budget, anyone could easily produce a film that is to convey their idea to audiences. For example, with the expansion and popularity of online video broadcasting platform, there is a myriad of daily uploaded video in which the creators perform their creativity in various ways, such as vlog and experiment. Secondly, if the creator's production becomes well-known globally and reaches the attention of big film companies, which could enhance their career or even turn their life into a new chapter. For example, a film named Paranormal Activity was made by an amateur within an extremely low budget and this film became a box office phenomenon which then attracted large investments from many big companies to make its spin-off series.  
  
In addition, this trend could be generally good for the audience. Since there are films from various concepts, audiences like us could have many options to choose ones that suit our taste. For instance, even if an audience's taste is comedy, horror, or action film, YouTube always provides or recommends videos containing relevant content for its audience. By easily delivering the idea of the creator's trouble solution into a film, some audiences may find an escape when they are in the same trouble. In an online interview with a 23-year-old depression patient, she felt relieved after she watched a video that her mother gave, and finally that video brings joy back to her life.  
  
In conclusion, allowing a normal person to make a film will bring a positive influence on film industry in many aspects.
You should add a personal linking word such as From my perspective, From my point of view... because it will make your introduction clearer and task-responding. An introduction paragraph should include 2-3 sentences: hooked sentence, paraphrase and thesis statement (show your opinion), don't write in such an ambiguous way.  
  
The last sentence in body 2 seems to lack a linking word so it is not coherent.  
You should add a final comment in the conclusion.
It is important that you outline your discussion points in the opening paragraph. As you restate the topic, you must immediately respond to the question provided because of the "clear opinion" requirement in the TA section. As you give your opinion. Outline the reasons you will be using to support your opinion as well. This will help create a coherent summary of your upcoming discussion points. It will also serve as the respond guide for your 2 reasoning paragraphs. Never leave your opinion for the conclusion because the concluding summary, sans any opinions, are what is located in that presentation. Placing your opinion in the concluding paragraph will result in deductions for you, rather than point credits.  
  
Your explanations are not complete. You have an opportunity to use one fully developed discussion topic per paragraph. Write the presentation that way. One topic, one full explanation will get you a better score when compared to 2 reasons in one paragraph that leaves the reader with more questions than answers with regards to your reasoning presentation.
## the figures for imprisonment in five countries between 1930 and 1980

  
  
The graph illustrates the number of prisoner in five nations throughout 50 years, from 1930 to 1980.  
  
Regarding the bar graph, United State and Canada are two countries with the highest number in imprisonment within five countries. In United State, the number of criminal in 1980 outnumbered those in the previous years amounted to 140 thousand people while those in 1970 had just 90 thousand people. With respect to Canada, the number of prisoner had gradually decreasing within 40 years with the highest number in 1930 as 120 thousand people and the lowest number in 1970 as 85 thousand people. However, there was a light increase from 1970 to 1980 at a ratio of 130 to 85 thousand Canadian criminals.  
  
Looking specifically to the others, all of those had the lower number of prisoners than those in United State and Canada. There was a gradual increase in the number of prisoners of Great Britain from 30.000 in 1930 to 80.000 in 1980. The number of Australia fell rapidly from 1930 to 1950, increase gradually to 1970 and then reduce sharply in 1980. To figures for New Zealand, the number of criminals decreases dramatically in 1950 at a ratio of 50.000, then rises considerably to 90.000 in 1980.  
  
Generally speaking, between 1930 and 1980, the number of prisoners in United Stated and Canada outnumbered the others. Most of year, United Stated had the highest number of imprisonment with the exception of in 1930 and 1950, the number of Canadian prisoners reach the top quantity of 5 countries.  
  
*
1.For the summary paragraph, you don't have to include the specific year in sentence, e.g. with the exception of in 1930 and 1950. Just focus on the starting and the ending point for the overall trend. Also this sentence should be with the exception ~~of in~~ of the year or of 1930 and 1950.  
  
2. For the second and the third paragraph, it would be better if you compare the figures, rather than describing each data separately.  
3. Since the period ranging from 1930 to 1980, you should write in past tense in describing data  
.  
These are my opinion for your writing. I'm still a leaner so please correct me if I get wrong
This is a Task 1 essay, not a task 2 essay. Therefore, you have written too many words for this task. The allotment is only 150-190 words. You wrote 256 words, which means you have just written an opinion essay. Or, you have cut into the 40 minute time allowance for the Task 2 essay. Either way, you took more than 20 minutes to complete the data reporting.  
  
Use the 3 paragraph presentation for maximum scoring effect. Identify the image in the first sentence, then proceed to give an overview of the information provided. Definitely mention the inclusive years provided, even after presentation the decade on decade reference ( 50 years). This will help show your LR range in terms of time references.  
  
Always accurately mention the name of the countries (United StateS not State). The summary overview is incomplete as it does not contain the run down of countries, measurement used, and trending statement. The summary overview, which is part of the TA score, is not complete and will therefore contain deductions that will pull down the overall score.  
  
You have singular v. plural usage errors in the paragraphs. There is a consistent error in terms of this presentation covering 3 paragraphs. Expect heavy GRA points reductions because of these mistakes. Be careful next time. Remind yourself of the plural and singular word usage rules next time.