dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Vittal, are you presenting the prompt in the first paragraph or is that part of your opening statement? Kindly provide a copy of the complete prompt requirement so that you can be better assessed in terms of the scoring band for this task. It is a bit difficult to decide on your task accuracy and grammar range scores due to the lack of prompt requirements. While the essay seems to be properly discussed, there are some grammatical issues and task accuracy questions that I have with regards to your writing. These questions that I have can only be clarified by the prompt requirements. I want to be fair in scoring you so I will withhold giving you final scores for the 4 sections until you can provide me with the accurate prompt. I will wait for it. Thanks.
Vittal, I would gladly show you how to reach a band score of 7 using this essay. However, I cannot do that if you do not provide me with the prompt that you are trying to respond to. The grading of the essay, per band section, is based upon the prompt requirements. I will not be able to show you how to improve this essay if you don't give me the instructions that you are being asked to follow in the discussion of the essay topic.  
  
Kindly provide me with the complete prompt requirement as soon as you can so that I can properly assess your essay discussion for prompt responsiveness and grammar issues. You have written an acceptable essay at this point. As an ordinary essay, without scoring and knowing the prompt, I would say you did a good job.  
  
The final verdict of the essay though, only comes after we analyze the way you presented your prompt discussion. Sorry about that. I'll wait for the prompt instructions that you were given then give you a score and advice as to how to reach a 7 band score.
Hi everyone, this is my first post.  
I would like to have some feedback on my practice essay for IELTS Writing Task 2.  
I am going to take the test next month and my target score is band 7, but I feel that I do really need to put some extra work into my writing skill.  
  
Thank you very much for sparing a few minutes of your time.  
  
Topic:  
## Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

  
  
Essay:  
Transportation is so vital that a country's progress can be observed just by looking at how developed the transportation system it has. There are two choices when it comes to land transportation, which are railways and roads. While there are advantages to both options, I mostly agree that governments should invest more on railways rather than roads. This is due to the fact that railways are more reliable and and efficient, which makes it a better long-term investment.  
  
With good maintenance and management, railways offer better reliability compared to roads. Take Japan for example, they have the most complicated railway system in the world while still being able to offer time precision on the order of seconds. On the other hand, roads are more susceptible to jamming when subjected to high volume of traffic.  
  
Reliability is one of the most important measure to see how worthy a transportation system is. Without reliability there is no certainty, which means people cannot plan ahead their schedules. That is a disaster for industries whose projects success rely on timing. Fresh food suppliers, for example, highly depend on the reliability of its distribution network to make sure their goods arrive at the hand of their customers timely.  
  
Other than being more reliable, railways are also more efficient compared to roads in the long run. Trains can transport more loads with less fuel and manpower which is better in economic and environmentally sense. This applies especially for electrical trains which power comes from renewable energy sources. Furthermore, considering the side effect of pollution that car brings in cities, railways are obviously the way to go for urban transportation.  
  
Roads are more suitable to connect destinations with less traffic. However, as the world population increases and people are becoming more concentrated in urban areas, I think governments should build more railways rather than roads in the future.
Ardian, you are more than ready to take the IELTS test. As amazing as it sounds, I do believe that you can score even higher than a 7 in the actual test. I will be a minimalist here and say that I would give you a score of 8 in the overall IELTS band score. While there were minimal problems with your grammar accuracy and lexical resource, it was so negligible that it did not detract from the essay at all. Your task accuracy was impeccable. You managed to create a more than accurate and impressive task accuracy presentation of the paraphrased prompt and also provided a highly intelligent discussion of the prompt. Your knowledge shows a clear understanding of the prompt and the evidence provides the clear realization that you have more than acceptable English comprehension skills. Give yourself a pat on the back. You are prepared to take the test.
## Worldwide market of hybrid vehicles

  
  
A breakdown of the information regarding globally trading of hybrid transportation in three different areas, a period of 4 years, started in 2006 is depicted in the bar chart. Overall, it is important to bear in mind that all of the figures had an upward trend. In any case, America tended to be the highest sales every period, except in the last period.  
  
Initially, the figure for selling fleets using both fuel and electricity in America stood at 250,000 sales. Having a gap of around 200,000 units, Japan' sales were higher than rest of figures, at roughly 50,000 sales. While both the proportion of Japan and other were a slightly increase in 2007, at 60,000 and 70,000 respectively, the figure for America was an enormously jump into 350,000 sales, breaking the record as the highest one.  
  
Turning to another year where the survey conducted, in 2009, trading hybrid vehicles in America was 320,000 sales, considerably ahead of Japan (90,000) and other (110,000). Eventually, the biggest rise was seen in the Japan, by 280,000 units. However, apart from increasing in each year, the number of hybrid trading in America dropped into 280,000 units.  
  
*
*Overall, it is important (...) figures had an upward trend.*  
I think that this part should have a more descriptive tone (it can be observed that/the overall trend displayed is...)  
  
*... proportion of Japan and **other** were*  
*considerably ahead of Japan (90,000) and[/b]other[/b] (110,000).*  
Even though the word "other" is given in the chart, it would be more appropriate to describe it as "other countries" or "other nations" or "industries from other countries", for example.  
  
*Turning to another year where the survey conducted, in 2009*  
You can just write "in 2009". You are describing from the chart anyway so it must be part of the survey.
Hi NinaJoesuf25,  
  
As my opinion, your first sentence in the first paragraph is complex, just keep it simple.  
  
**...three different countries from 2006 to 2009 is depicted in the bar chart....**  
  
In the second sentence, you use the wrong meaning, the figures cannot have a trend. You may consider changing some words like below:  
**the chart shows a common upward trend/all mentioned countries saw a similar trend that sale rates increased throughout the period of 4 years.**  
  
Moreover, you should add some conjunction words, pronouns to make the paragraphs be more logical and smoothly, and using other tenses such as past present perfect rather than only using past tense. This may help in raising scores.  
  
Now you have it, all my opinions. Hope them help.
In the first paragraph, you cannot make a statement and then say that you will discuss it later in the essay. Each comment that you make must be immediately discussed with supporting facts in order to prove the validity of your claim. That is not to say that you cannot circle back later on in the essay, specifically when you reach the concluding statement, and reiterate the claim that you made in the previous paragraphs. Wrap up the review with a solid summary and final opinion of the overall paper.  
  
Since you discussed the essay in chronological order, the given understanding is that you have discussed the essay in a logical manner. After all, you did not deviate from the logical order of discussion as presented by the essay that you read. Therefore, your concern should not be with regards to the logic of your discussion but rather, the validity of the discussion that you are presenting as a criticism of Pollan's work. My opinion is that you have presented an acceptable discussion, when based upon the logical concept. The criticism, could have been better expanded at certain points, but that would actually depend upon the word limit your professor provided at the start of the essay.
**To solve the ever-increasing environmental hazards throughout the world, the best way is to increase the price of fuel.**  
  
What is your opinion on the above assumption?  
  
Plagiarized paragraphs removed.  
  
Recently, many institutions have showed a signs of interest in investing in alternative and environmentally-friendly energetic sources. An increase in the fuel's prices will provide additional incentives and better profit prospects for these companies, as everyone will have to search for alternatives of the traditional fuels. Furthermore, corporations which rely for more than the 50% of air pollution will have to cut their expenditures and expect lower margins, if they decide to stick with fuels, like coat and oil.  
  
In conclusion, i think that nowadays we are developed enough to completely replace the traditional polluting fuels and we only need to provide the business world with the right incentives in order to make the world cleaner and safer place. In my opinion, the increase in the fuel's prices is the most appropriate measure available and can really change human's future.
Hello everyone!  
  
Task:  
**Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school.**  
  
Last years, the value of foreign languages has substantially increased that has gained popularity of learning foreign languages by pupils. The more experts find out different benefits and drawbacks the more hard to choose the best period for learning a foreign language at school. In this essay, I will compare learning a foreign language at primary school and secondary school.  
  
To begin with, although many parents enroll their children in foreign language courses as early as possible, it can have detrimental effect on efficiency of learning process. If child begin the learning at primary school he or she will have less time for such essential subjects as mathematics, physics, and the native language. Thereby this pupil may have lower scores in these disciplines that lead to lower self-confidence.  
  
In spite of the above arguments, I agree with those who believe that learning a foreign language at primary school can be very useful for pupils who are willing to puts up with complicated and sometimes routine activity. In that case, young learners will have opportunity to learn English easier and more quickly and also to make foreign language vital part of their life. And when they overcome all challenges of learning process they will have great advantage over their peers in the labor market and capabilities to communicate with people from different country using their mother tongue.  
  
Thus, when we have considered comparing of learning a foreign language at primary school we can definitely figure out that all advantages outweigh the minor drawbacks.  
  
Thank you for your attensions and feedbacks )))
@dianakelin  
The first paragraph needs a lot of work. You need to reorganize the whole passage and make it to the point.  
  
The rest is more to the point, but you made too many grammar errors in them.  
  
Make sure you use proper subject-verb agreement and try not to forget to use right articles as well.  
  
Also, the last sentence needs to be divided into two separate sentences with proper connectives; otherwise, it will be a run-on sentence.
John, this is a specialized type of essay writing that was designed to test your reasoning and logic skills. You have done well enough in that aspect of writing. The only problem that I can see with it is that you tend to bunch your discussion of the statements in pairs rather than offering individualized paragraphs first.  
  
In order for the examiner to determine the amount of understanding that you were able to develop based on the passages, it is important that you first, explain the passages individually in relation to the question provided then second, describe the differences in each line of reasoning in order to accurately portray the 2 specific sections required for the discussion. By doing this method of discussion, a clearer line of coherence and cohesiveness is created within the essay. Thus indicating your thorough understanding, analysis, and discussion of the topics provided.  
  
Now, you will notice that you have a few paragraphs that seem to be running long. Please create topic breaks in the paragraphs in order to relieve the stress on the eyes of the reader. The topic breaks are done by creating a new topic paragraph for the reader, based upon the change of discussion within an essay. You will need to create simple transition sentences between the topics in order to facilitate this slow, easing in of the reader into the next, related topic discussion.  
  
Over all though, the essay seems alright to me. I have not attended any of the classes for whatever subject this test is based on but I was able to understand what it is that you are discussing in the essay. Whenever that happens, that is a good thing for you as the test taker. It means that you have an ability to clearly represent the topic discussion points from the original prompt in the essay you created. I am not sure how the others here will view your essay so let me be clear that the aforementioned discussion is just based upon my personal point of view.
John, it would seem to me that you are already prepared to take the test. Now, keep in mind that I am not a professional who has an in-depth knowledge and understanding of this particular class. However, the discussion this time around is even clearer than your first because you have already clearly defined the discussion per passage. By the way, in the first paragraph you mention the first passage as "page" always refer to it as a passage because your keyword is important in the essay. That said, the third paragraph is running a bit long again. Always remember to divide the paragraphs into topics. That way the person reading the essay can easily follow the information being presented. I would have divided the paragraph at the point where you begin to discuss inequality. That is obviously a new topic for discussion so it should have a stand alone paragraph. That way the stress on the eyes of the reader is reduced as well.
@Holt  
I really appreciate your help Holt  
I was so lost preparing for this test, and your responses gave me directions that I needed.  
I think the word page was a typo. I fixed it and as you said, divided the third passage into three pieces of different sub topics  
  
Your responses really help me more than you might think. I think I will be writing at least one essay of this kind everyday for the next three days.  
  
Do you think you could be my mentor for those essays?
## economic progress is just a part of success

  
  
Economic development are thought by governments is their most significant aim (target) in modern world. However, in my opinion, while governments concentrate on economic progress they can overlook other not less important types of progress for a country.  
  
There are many various types of development which require for success of a country such as social or environmental. For instance, governments have to attempt to raise an amount of doctors per person in order to reduce the number of illnesses or deaths and eventually to increase life expectancy in a county. However the wages of the new doctors raise country costs and when any government considers economic progress as its main goal it will reject idea of hiring new doctors. So governments should pay attention on all sorts of development due to their equal vital roles.  
  
On the other hand government is only elected persons who have to implement goals of most people in a country. Consequently, when majority vote for improving economic conditions, it becomes the most significant aim of the country, while some people wish solving of different problems.  
  
To conclude, although economic progress achieving is very challenging goal, it also may distract people from other areas. And if we don't want to create imbalance in intensions of our governments we should to raise problems of other spheres.  
  
I look forward to hearing your feedbacks))
Dimitry, I am not sure about how to review your essay. That is because you used the full prompt for the title instead of giving a creative title to your essay and then placing the full prompt in the message box instead. So at this point, we have only a partial prompt in the title box, which doesn't offer us much guidance when it comes to reviewing your prompt for task accuracy. Without a proper assessment of your task accuracy, it will be next to impossible to accurately score your cohesiveness and cohesion, lexical resource, and grammar accuracy. Is there a chance that you can provide the complete prompt as soon as you can so that we can review your essay based on the prompt parameters? You can't expect an accurate review of your essay if we can't access the prompt requirements.
**Some believe advertisement is useful and informative. Others think it is false and only helps to raise prices. Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
People have different views about adverts. While some argue that advertisements are valuable, I believe that they are useless and only create demand for products.  
  
One the one hand, there are several reasons why advertisements can be seen as helpful. The main reason is that commercials inform us of new commodities. Without adverts it would be difficult for people to know about cutting-edge, useful products on the market, and it also might be challenging for companies to tell customers about their products. Another key benefit is that advertising creates massive job opportunities. In other words, advertising is a creative industry that employs many people. A final point to consider is that advertising is considered to be a form of modern art.  
  
In spite of the above arguments, I agree with those who believe that adverts are false and useless. Firstly, advertising manipulates people in a negative way. In other words, it aims to persuade people that buying a product will make them happier. Secondly, children can easily be attracted by advertisements. As a result, they put pressure on their parents to buy them things that are very expensive, useless or even harmful. Finally, adverts market unhealthy and dangerous products in an attractive way. Energy drinks, for example, are advertised as being able to boost your energy and make you feel alert, while the reality is that their side effects are downright damaging.  
  
In conclusion, it seems to me that advertisements are more likely to be deceptive rather than informative.
Mohammed, I am of the opinion that you are very well prepared to take the IELTS at this point. Why do I say that? I base that comment on the fact that, even with the minimal grammatical errors in your current essay, you have managed to present an overall ability in all 4 basis for the scores to land only the second 7 score that I have ever given to an IELTS reviewer at this forum. In all honesty, you can score a 7 in each aspect of the scoring rubic if you continue to present such impressive essays. I have only one criticism of your current essay though. You have a tendency to use English slang in a formal essay set up. Always use the full term for a word, do not use the slang reference or shortcuts. The word I am specifically referring to in this essay is the word advertisement which you constantly shorten to the term advert. Don't do that in formal academic writing it shows laziness on your part when it comes to using proper lexical sources.
I agree with Holt that you are well prepared to take the IELTS, but I would also like to point out some features that can be improved (I got 8.0 overall)  
  
1. Hedging: In formal essays, being too absolute may not be good (you can see that I'm hedging unconsciously). Instead of strong words like "useless" and "downright damaging", try to find other, less intense synonyms and employ words such as "may", "could", "probably", etc.  
  
2. The opening paragraph: When people read it they should have a rough idea of what you're going to say. I see that you consider both the "helpful" and "false" side of advertisements, so you should state that in the thesis statement  
  
*While some argue that advertisements are valuable, I believe that they are useless and only create demand for products  
While some argue that advertisements are valuable, I believe that their uselessness and purpose outweigh their merits*  
By saying it like this, for example, you acknowledge their merits, so you can address them in the second paragraph.
I believe that the cooperative learning method is a great way to learn, especially in English learning because it's makes learning more fun, and understanding. Students have been asked to problem solve, work with a small group or partners in many subjects. I find that co-operation in English learning has many advantages are we speak a lot.  
  
In some subject such as Writing, Reading, Grammar, we learn to labor together toward common goals, we can share our knowledge with others, and we can complete the assignment faster. In Oral English, we not only accountable for speaking but also for helping our friends in speaking. We listen to our friends, ask some topics to practice skills about oral. Co-operative learning builds learning communities as we grow to be experienced at how to increase skills to speak English. Thanks to this, it encourages we to engage in high-level thinking skills and helps us get higher scores on tests.  
  
Moreover, in co-operative learning, we can get to speak at the same time. We are confident to say what we want to say and I can ask something which I don't understand because teacher and friend can correct the fault for me. Thus, cooperative learning increases opportunities for us to produce and comprehend language.  
  
In summary, co-operative learning seems to be an effective learning method.It helps me develops social skills similar to those needed in the world outside school. So, I especially like the aspect that learning together of relying on co-operation can be motivation to succeed.
it's makes learning more fun - it makes the learning process funnier...  
  
Students have been asked to problem solve, work with a small group or partners in many subjects -- You should rewrite this sentence, as i was not able to understand what do you mean.  
  
Many students have been asking for solution of the problem and they started working with small groups and partners in many of the school subjects.  
  
many advantages are we speak a lot. - Again, the idea is not clearly expressed - as we use it a lot?  
  
some subject - subjects  
  
we not - we are not  
  
Co-operative learning builds learning communities as we grow to be experienced at how to increase skills to speak English. - ...learning communities and as we grow and become more experienced, we start to improve our English speaking skills.