dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Schools are spending more time teaching traditional subject such as history. Some people think they Should rather spend more time in teaching skills that can help student find a job. To what extend do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## teaching practical skills along with traditional subjects

  
  
Answer:  
  
There are two opinions frequently questioned by people, first, should school give the students more time learning traditional school subject, namely in history and mathematics or attending to trendy skill classes to encourage proficiency in a particular field for helping to gain a good career prospect in the future. I agree schools need to extend time in teaching skills with the following reasons below.  
  
Today, competition for getting job is more increasing firmly as global unemployment has risen since several years ago. International Labour Organization has predicted that joblessness will surpass by end of 2017. In developing country like Indonesia, it turns to be a serious problem caused many unskilled-people living there specifically at young people. This probably comes from their educational system in the past that teachers much prepared for students to master theory through memorizing without applying in practised-skill. To illustrate, in journalism courses, learners are only direct to note and listening to lecturer explanation how to produce creative writing but less practice, it will be pointless and make sure they will be hard to find a job.  
  
Additionally, having special skills for fresh graduate as the company needed is one big chance for them more likely to be accepted than people no have competence in that job specification. The majority of employers think that training an inexperienced-worker only waste their time and money, moreover, the position is urgent need of an expert to handle it immediately. An accounting student from a vocational high school who has completed the internship at corporation tax is more qualified than alumi of accounting major having less work experience in the same qualification owing to hardly ever practice the knowledge acquired.  
  
However, others said learning traditional subject could help students find a job also, all in all, the reasons why schools are expected teaching more skills than conventional lesson due to facing a challenging job ahead an to fulfil the skill required of company.  
  
Thanks for correcting!
Iis, if you review your paraphrased prompt in the first paragraph, you will notice that you did not completely represent the 2 sides are indicated in the original discussion presentation. Since you mentioned that there are two sides to the discussion, you should have presented the supporting and opposing discussions in the opening statement. After that, you should have represented your personal opinion by saying (using the keywords) "I tend to agree that... to a certain degree," Then you can explain your personal opinion, after you have presented the two opposing sides of discussion. By the way, you made a mistake in posting the original prompt requirement, the actual prompt asks for the "extent" of your agreement or disagreement. Extent means "the range, distance, or space that is covered or affected by something or included in something". While extend is explained to mean "to stretch out to the fullest length". The mistake in that single word representation, which totally changed the meaning of the essay prompt will result in a serious point deduction for your paper when it comes to task accuracy. While I can attribute this to your unfamiliarity of the language and allow you concessions for it, the examiner will not be as kind. That is why you have to make sure that you do not use the wrong vocabulary in your essay. If you are not sure of the meaning or application of a word, then do not use it. It is better to say something in a roundabout manner and be scored for it than to use the wrong word and lose points for it. The essay is not asking "To what extend do you agree or disagree?" It is asking "To what EXTENT do you agree or disagree?" This simple word mistake totally changed the method by which you approached the essay and how it was discussed. The prompt requirement was changed and as such, could result in an automatic failure of your essay test.
Well, when it comes to introductory statement, then your task is to simply state the background or the rubric presented in the question. Although you have successfully created an opening paragraph, it seems that you did not cover the essential point in such a paragraph. this word "should school give the students more time learning traditional school subject, namely in history" for example is you only copy and cut and therefore this brings no value. If I were you, then I'd like peruse the question more closely as to understand what's between the lines. From this, then I'd restate using my own words focusing on the keyword given. This way helps you improve your paragraphing skills. Not only this, the paragraph shown above has no outline as this is in conjunction with the following paragraph. Suggestion for this: mention your outline exactly upfront. The two topic sentences from the body paragraphs are side track. This happens perhaps you failed to understand what is being asked from the rubric. Suggestion this: study sample answer, and find a good teacher to help you bring off this matter. Hope this helps :D
**Some people say international sports events help in world peace. Agree or disagree?**  
  
## danger at multinational sport events

  
  
According to some, global athletics events will have a positive outcome in world peace. In my opinion, I disagree that international sports events have any effect on world peace as it's a great opportunity to terrorist and we cannot underestimate the losses impact which could be influenced by the displeasure people in the country.  
  
A good reason to international sports events cannot help in world peace is that any large international event is being targeted by terrorism in the past fifteen years. In other words, the global sports event is a good chance to gather people together and celebrating their favourite athlete and country. However, it is also a great potential risk to citizens as terrorists are aiming crowded places to attack proving their existence and superiority.  
  
Another point on the global sports events are not influencing a better world is that losses can be difficult to some people who loved their beloved country. According to research, about 85 percent of people who being violence after a sports event are the supporters of the loss team. Moreover, they cannot accept the result and then would engage violent to local shops and harm the citizens to satisfy their anger. Consequently, it would escalate the violation up to a national security challenge.  
  
Finally, international sports events can be horrifying even in celebration. Particularly, alcoholics are easy to get offended or emotional by the conversation or the vibe. Therefore, a normal chat can turn into a tragic incident. As a result, police will get involve and arrest them.  
  
In conclusion, International sports events can lead to radical people violate the laws and more importantly, there is a great risk of being attack by terrorist.  
  
Word: 281  
  
Thanks in advance!
CJ, you have the potential to become a good essayist. You have a good handle on the background of international sports events and why it is a bad idea to mount such things these days. The only problem is that you are unable to coherently and cohesively present your reasoning. This is more than evident in the opening statement where you were doing a good job of introducing the topic until you wore the last part starting from " by the displeasure of the people of the country." Prior to saying that you need to establish the reason why the people would be displeased in the first place. So a lack of subject in the sentence created a scattered thought process in your introduction. While I realize that you tried to meet the maximum 5 paragraph requirement of the essay, you failed to develop a complete 4th and 5th paragraph in this instance. You took shortcuts in discussing the ideas that you presented which resulted in an incomplete thought process and presentation yet again. This is clearly seen in paragraph 4 where you did not clarify the discussion you presented with the basis of the action that people would be taking. Remember, each paragraph needs to present a cause and effect in this type of essay. Finally, the concluding statement doesn't work at all because it does not properly sum up the previous discussion, which is all that is expected of a concluding paragraph in these cause and effect type of essay.
## you must be adult enough to drive

  
  
It is universally believed that the rise of the legal driving age for drivers and motorists is the optimal method in an attempt to ameliorate the traffic security. According to what I believe, I myself partly with the statement for several following reasons.  
  
The adolescents typically show a rich variety of their negative behaviours when driving on the streets. They are regularly aggressive, immature and even reckless, therefore, there is no surprise when they commit violation such as crossing the red light, no using helmet as well as exceeding the speed limit. As a consequence, these activities are the precursors to fatal collisions. Nevertheless, misadventures are not the matter of age but of awareness and attitudes. To exemplify, according to the final report of survey results and polls on May 2016 conducted by DanTri Newspaper which is one of the top newspapers in VietNam, 70 percent of the accidents that took place in VietNam were attributed to the senior citizens.  
  
I would argue that there are a large number of better measures for ensuring road safety. The first one is that governmental leaders should enforce more stringent laws and suspend the driving license long-term. For instance, people who break traffic rule must be required to pay huge fines or be bar them from commuting on the streets. As a result, traffic crashed will be sprung down and commuters will likely respect the law. Another solution is to invest more money in transport infrastructures and construct overhead bridges. It broadens roadways and of course catalyzes to decrease the traffic congestion.  
  
In conclusion, although I believe that apart from increasing the legal age for driving, I am in favor of the fact that there are a lot of positive ways to safeguard inhabitants travelling on the streets everyday.
Bao, this is one of the most confusing essays I have read on this forum. Your opening statement identifies your stance o the matter but does not properly represent a thought or analytical process that helped you arrive at that conclusion towards the end of the paragraph. I believe that this is because you only wrote the essay but did not bother to proof read and edit the content before you submitted it. When you do not appropriately represent your discussion at the very beginning of the essay, you can already expect to get a very low score on the work that you did. If you review your opening statement, you will see that while you were being asked to agree or disagree with the statement, you did not provide a response along that line towards the end of your opening statement. Since you will be writing this essay under time constraint and without the aid of external internet sources, please keep your discussion to the more obvious and popular information for sharing in the essay. You are not expected to impress the examiner with the data you present. You must impress him with your ability to express yourself in the English language. Which is something that you did not do very well in this essay.  
  
What are you arguing in the essay? You are not being asked to argue, you are being asked to defend the side that you support in the discussion. So you are to present only one side of the argument and then support that with evidence that proves your belief is the correct one. By the way, regarding your grammar structure, that is the biggest problem that you have with this essay. Please make sure that all of your sentences have complete thoughts and represent a properly developed thought process. One of your mistakes in this essay is as follows:  
  
They are regularly aggressive, immature and even reckless, therefore,  
-There should be a period between "reckless" and "therefore" because those are already two different thoughts and as such, represent two different sentences.  
  
You also cannot say  
  
According to what I believe  
because "According to" means that the information is coming from a secondary instead of direct source. You could instead say "I believe that..."  
  
Now, considering the major problems with your essay, specially in the relation to the misunderstood instructions, I believe that you cannot score higher than a 3 overall.
**People who make decisions based on emotion and justify those decisions with logic afterwards are poor decision makers.**  
  
*Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.*  
  
## emotions reduces our capability to analyse

  
  
I agree with author's observation here. Emotion based decisions will have high tendency to be wrong as compared to the decisions taken with free mind or irrespective of any emotions. And later justifying these decisions with logic remains just as a formality.  
  
Emotions will bias a persons thought process. Focus will be more on the emotinally supported points and their benefits. Focus on negativity of the same view will be lost. For reference if I want to make a decison on fighting between two kids. One of them is my brother. I I'll think emotionally it has high propensity for me to be in favour of my brother. Cause emotions will make my brothers point of view more strong and important. I'll not be able to see what wrong he did. It's very much important to see the both positive nad negative sides before making a decision.  
  
It'll also eclipse the facts to which emotions doesn't support. Here we'll be missing the good or positive side of the emotionally unsupported view. It will result in partial thinking or a very restricted thinking. Same way here if I take the previously mentioned example in this scenario, other kid's faults will seems to me very bad but his innocuousness I'll not be able to see those will be eclipsed by the emotional state.  
  
In both of the cases I'm not htinking frrely with an empty mind, so to speak. A mind free fro preconceptions and has a ability to acoomodate new thoughts, new facts and analyze them upto full strength.  
  
One more point hwich should be discussed, is that emotions are very key part of any persons which makes a person a human a living thing. If we go with the emotional apprach rather then a logical approach there is very less chance to get confused and it gives us more strength. Later anyway logical analysis will be done on the decision.  
  
In short emotions reduces our capability to analyse all possiblle view honestly. Just taking one view supported by our emotion and analyzing it is not suffice. A decision based on partial thinking has a high probability of failing or being wrong. And justifying the decision with logic just becomes a mere formality. Hence it makes a decision maker poor.
Jayati, I have a few points of major concern in your essay. The first of which is the incomplete representation of the prompt requirement. The accurate paraphrasing of a given topic is essential to any discussion because it forms the basis for the discussion and the outline of the succeeding discussion in the forthcoming paragraphs. While your representation of your reasoning is sound, it lacks the informative value that could have come from a more accurate portrayal of the discussion topic.  
  
You must also be made aware of the fact that you did not complete your thought process in the example paragraph you presented. That would be paragraph 2. It is important that you collectively present the discussion in this paragraph in order to create a stronger presentation of facts. When you separate the discussion into two parts, you divide the attention of the reader and thus, cause them to review your earlier paragraph relating to the topic. Don't force a thought process deviation in your essay. That will tend to confuse the reader and take time away from the complete reading of your essay. Remember, the examiners have only a limited amount of time to read your work, so use that unknown amount of time efficiently. Do not make them go back and forth in reading your document. Show a cohesive and coherent thought process at all times.  
  
The next concern that I have is really very trivial in nature. You should have caught on to the spelling error mistakes, which cause a great deal of stress on the part of the reader. Your misspelled words show a lack of care for the final presentation of your essay. I cannot stress enough how important it is that you always maintain proper lexical use and spelling within your essay, regardless of the exam type that you are taking. When you do not edit and proof read yourself, you show a disrespect towards the exam and the examiner. Always present a clean essay to the reader. You can never proof read and edit your thoughts enough. If possible, do not submit your document early . Make sure to review it 3 times before you submit it. That gives you enough time to catch and errors you may have missed your first time reviewing your essay.
## Life today is easier and more comfortable

  
  
Life today is easier and more comfortable because of technological progress and globalization. Technological progress involved nearly all aspects of daily life: phones and internet are making communication easier; washing machines and dishwashers are helping in household; cars, trains, planes and ships are useful in traveling. Globalization makes communication easier by using the same language and it took's the same product on global market that makes this product cheaper.  
  
On other hand technological progress has already caused rising pollution's level and some of research results are used on battlefield. Globalization also has some disadvantages such as destroying human's individuality and it also brings some local businesses to bankruptcy.  
  
In conclusion we can say that today life is easier, but it also has disadvantages.  
  
(max-130 words)  
  
Thank you for helping!
Nickoloz, when you write these essays, make sure to always use the present tense because you are speaking of something that is ongoing and continually changing. Hence the need to say "involves" instead of "involved", "make" instead of "making", "communicating" rather than "communication". Be careful with your plurality as well. That means "washing machines" and "dishwashers" signify plural form so the description should also be plural for "households". When you start in plural form, end in plural form. In the sentence about globalization, say "it took" not "it took's" The apostrophe S is wrong in this instance as the word does not connote ownership. A point of correction as well: "... it took the product to a global market which made the product cheaper". That whole sentence should be in past tense because it speaks of something that already happened.  
  
With regards to the second paragraph, the correct term is "On THE other hand..." Along with that, you should say; "rising pollution levels". The word pollution is the same in singular and plural form. You should also use the singular form and say "human individuality" since you used a singular description "individuality" in the sentence. You forgot to use a comma after the term "conclusion" in your final sentence. The comma is used to signify a pause in the reading, which makes it easier to understand what you have to say.  
  
Don't get me wrong, you did some pretty good writing here. The mistakes you made are easily caught and won't really affect the final score of your statement. Your message is understandable and shows an impressive command of the English language and sentence development just the same.
## Age structure of people in Yemen and Italy (2000 and 2050)

  
  
The pie charts compare the age group distribution between Yemen and Italy in 2000 and in 2050.  
  
It is clear that the population in the age group of below sixty years old is the majority in both countries in year 2000. But based on the projection, the population of sixty years old and above will rise to 42.3% in Italy whereas their counterpart in Yemen is expected to stay at a similar level of 5.7% in total population.  
  
Looking at the age group of 15-59 years old, this two countries represents very distinctive trends. In Italy, the population of 15-59 years decline to 46.2% from 61.6%, whereas their counterpart rose to 57.3% from 46.3%. In the meantime, the population of age group 0-14 years went down in 2050 projection, in Italy it slightly declines to 11.5% from 14.3% while in Yemen its counterpart drops significantly to 37.0% from 50.1%.  
  
Apart from the changes in age groups under sixty years, the variation of population of sixty years old or more is also quite dissimilar between this two countries. In Italy, the population of sixty years old and above is estimated to raise by around 18% to 42.3%. By contrast, that of Yemen is only expected to increase by around 2% to 5.7%.  
  
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Jade, you can improve upon your opening statement in order to get a better task accuracy score. At the moment, it doesn't really provide a good overview summary because you wrote only a single sentence for it. The introduction needs to represent the overview of the content and outline your discussion. In your opening statement, you should have represented the age groups involved as well. The information should have been presented in individual sentences in order to meet the 3 sentence minimum requirement, which you successfully did in the succeeding paragraphs. Think of the test like a series of sound bites. The more you say in shorter sentences, the better the possibility of a higher score. Separating each fact bit in a sentence helps you to meet the word requirement and also, show off the way that you use English in a written context. Which is what the examiner is looking for in every essay he grades.
The flow chart below illustrates ## the three main stages of recycling glass bottle

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At stage one, the bottles are being gathered into a collection point which then will be pick up by a truck. The truck after collect all the bottles will bring them to the cleaning plant. At stage two, the bottles in the cleaning plant will be cleanse carefully and then divided into three group: brown bottles, green bottles and clear bottle. These bottles will then be transfer to the recycling plant. In there, they are going to put into a furnace and get melt down into recycled liquid glass which will be shape into new glass bottle. At stage 3, which is the final stage, the new glass bottle will be transfer to the customer and the supermarket.  
  
To sum up, the process could be simply describe as collect, recycle and re-use.  
  
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