dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## "Today many people are spending less and less time at home".

  
***What are the reasons and what are the effects of this trend on individuals and society?***  
  
In modern days of the era, people are spending more and more time outside of society instead of using those valuable time with family. In this essay, I will discuss the reasons and the influences of this phenomenon on the public and each person.  
  
On the one hand, this trend probably is rooted in two reasons. First and foremost, people nowadays have to face up with a huge amount of works that they have to complete and hence, working overtime is increasingly become popular among workforce especially, mechanic or white-collar workers. In addition, in terms of students, the extra curriculum is an issue when on average, in Vietnam, students have to study for 5 hours at school, as well as more than 3 hours taken extra lessons with teachers and foreign language centers, cram schools, or training institutions. As the result, spending more time at home becomes too much of a luxury.  
  
On the other hand, this phenomenon has some negative impacts on not only people but also society. First of all, with each individual, less time at residence is equivalent to less time for family. Therefore, the relationship between each member is disengagement which can lead to disagreement among domestic and if worse come worst divorce is unavoidable. Whist, because of more time outside, traffic volume increases dramatically leading to environmental pollution is increasingly serious. In Vietnam, air condition has been an alarming issue mainly because of emissions discharged from a huge amount of means of transport.  
  
In conclusion, people spending less time at home maybe because of occupation and this have created negative implications about citizen's health and family relationship.  
  
please help me with this essay.
The prompt restatement could use more clarity. The word choices and sentence structure are difficult to understand. It does not appear to be related to the orginal prompt in any way. The first version relates to people spending more time outside the home. The rewrite, says people spend more time outside of society. This is a statement that contradicts the ougenal topic and has changed the discussion focus. The writer failed to correctly rephrase the presentation as he did not bother to check his work after completing the draft. There was no topic comparison check completed.  
  
people nowadays  
Not everyone faces the same situation. Do not use general reference statements. This sort of pronouncement is an exaggeration that does not add to the validity of the argument. Use differentiation words such as " some people" or " most people."  
  
The writer does not coherently explain himself in the paragraphs. There is a clear lack of proper relationship development between the presented topics. References are unclear and the ideas are jumping from one focus to another without a smooth transition. This creates an illogical and confusing reasoning presentation. It does not work. The essay will fail.
***Film stars and celebrities often share their views on public matters that have little to do with their profession.  
## Is this a positive or negative development?***  
  
Public figures are usually seen to voice their opinion with respect to public issues beyond the scope of their expertise. From my perspective, potential drawbacks of this tendency are incomparable to its upsides.  
  
The fact that celebrities' viewpoints on a wide range of matters being publicized is indeed positive. Firstly, this could raise the public's awareness about the problem in question. Due to followers being predisposed to take what their idols concern into consideration, when well-known people share their ideas about a specific issue, it could instantly become the public's interest. Conversations featuring it might become prevalent, and numerous public members even do research, thus gain more insights of it. In addition, in some cases, consciousness of a matter brought up by famous individuals could translate into reforming initiatives in response. For instance, as an iconic figure raises her concern about the local environmental degradation, her admirers might be encouraged to organize campaigns for environment preservation, or simply think twice before littering in the park or discharging garbage into the river.  
  
Nonetheless, a negative aspect of the mentioned development is that if public figures' viewpoints regarding issues outside their domain involve inaccurate information, several members of the community could be left ignorant. Idolatry could sometimes cause followers to take their idols' false beliefs for granted without attempting comprehensive research. For instance, if a celebrity, due to his superficial knowledge, consider an aboriginal group as culprits behind the extinction of a species, many of his fans might unthinkingly develop an aversion for the group, who are innocent people. However, this negative effect is unlikely to be severely damaging and long-lasting, since sooner or later there tends to be specialists stepping in to correct mistaken notions and leading blind followers into enlightenment.  
  
To conclude, despite my recognition that celebrities voicing their views about a public matter beyond their profession is negative in some way, in general, it seems to me that this has more positive elements.
The writer has provided an inappropriate response to the discussion question which will result in a failing TA score due to an inappropriate prompt response. As the original discussion format is to be based on a positive or negative development, the choice to use an advantage v. disadvantage response format was incorrect. Positive and negative development prompts cannot be interchanged with an A/D discussion response format. By this point, the writer will be percieved by the examiner to be discussing a totally different topic. Was it an instruction comprehension error? Maybe. Whatever the reason, this sort of error can force a failing score in the first half of the presentation. Always respond as per the discussion suggested format.
## the modern technology in the children's neighbourhood

  
  
It is true that many fundemental changes in human society over the past century were initiated by the proliferation of technologies. However, a school of thought holds that technology has an impact on human's lifestyle, particularly how children spend their time. While this trend may bring about some merits, I would contend that they are eclipsed by the demerits.  
  
On the one hand, it is said that technology have noteworthy positive effects. The most crucial advantage is that children have an amazing chance to be exposed to the outside world. This means that children can study new things like specialized knowledge, new languages, or other's coutries culture without ny limitations. For example, in the past, studying new languages was restriction to students since there was shortage of source of information and they could just absorb information through books or their teachers. However, in the contemporary world, with some electronic gadgets, students can find a myriad of videos and channels which teach them new languages.  
  
On the other hand, I am convinced that the growing trend towards excessively abused technology is going to have serious repurcussions on children. First, spending too much time on electronic devices impose a threat on mental and physical health. As a matter of fact, sitting for long hours may form a sedentary life which would have an adverse bearing on their welfares such asit may lead to the obesity of children. Moreover, there is no denying that there are violent scenes on the Internet that can have bad influence on behaviors.  
  
Second, children have an inclination to spend less time with their families or friends due to techonological devices.  
In conclusion, although I accepting that using techonogy too much may have advantages on finding new knowledge, I believe that the advantages are outweighed by the disadvantages.
It is true that many fundemental changes  
Refrain from changing the original topic presentation by offering a testimonial about the topic. Proving the veracity of the topic as provided will never be a task 2 scoring requirement. Rather, this will result in a score reduction due to an inaccurate topic paraphrasing. This deduction applies even as your s statement properly provides a response.  
  
Do not use a comparison statement in this presentation. Being a single opinion essay, your reasoning format must debate the advantage as a misperception, proving it is a disadvantage instead. Since the required discussion is provided in only one paragraph, the essay will be underdeveloped and only the supporting paragraph will recieve a score.  
  
The third paragraph is the most score reducing presentation being only one sentence long. Only a topic is presented without any further development. It should not have been presented at all.
## visitors going a Caribbean island

  
  
The line graph illustrates the number of tourists travelling to a Caribbean island during the period from 2010 to 2017. Overall, despite the fluctuation in the quantity of visitors staying on cruise and those staying on island, the total visitors consistently increased for seven years.  
  
From 2010 to 2012, the total visitors rose from 1 million to 1.5 million. During the period from 2010 to 2012, the quantity of visitors staying on the island remained stable 0.75 million at the first year before growing sharply at 1.25 in 2012, while the number of visitors staying on cruise ships only increased slightly at 0.5 million in 2011 and then decreased dramatically at 0.25 million in 2012.  
  
Throughout the period from 2012 to 2016, the total visitors increased considerably from 1.5 million to 2.75 million. Visitors staying on the island increased and stabilized at 1.5 million from 2013 to 2015 before showing a downward trend in 2016 which was at 1.25. In comparison, the quantity of visitors staying on cruise ships showed an upward trend from 0.25 million in 2012 to 1.5 million in 2016.  
  
From 2016 to 2017, the number of visitors staying on cruise ships climbed substantially to 2 million and higher than those staying on island although there was a slight increase of tourists on island making up from 1.25 million to 1.5 million.
The essay is over-analyzed at 127 words. With a writing time allowance of 20 minutes, this should have no more than 200 words in it. Actually, 175 words would be the mostideal presentation. The writer created a highly verbose essay that tends to over-extend what should be simple data and analysis statements. Since an image was not provided, I find it difficult to spot the areas for correction, improvement, reduction, or deletion. Reading this report though, it feels like the presentation should only have 3 paragraphs in it. The 4 paragraph presentation is a real stretch. Being q reporting essay, the writer should have been able to create the report clearly with lesser word usage.
***Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day.  
Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones.***  
## Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

  
  
A school of host hold that phones should be forbidden from youngsters during the school time. Yet, others argue that they should be eligible to use it. While both viewpoints are justifiably, personally I lean towards to the former.  
  
On the one hand, as claimed by a plethora of proponents in favor of freedom, children should have the liberty to make use of electronic devices, and justifiably so. First and foremost, phones has become the most optimal educational tool which provides unlimited range of knowledge and information. Thanks to the advancement of devices and the ever availability of the Internet these days, which offers an abundance freely accessible resources in enormous fields such as sciences, mathematics, technology, humanity, etc. Furthermore, students can also use their phone for recreation as socializing or playing games with their peers in break time, which can work wonders for their mental health after stressful lessons.  
  
On the other hand, I would argue that the use of mobile phones do more harm than good and schools should restrict it. Letting the young to use the phones in class could take a heavy toll on their performances. In other words, without any restrictions, they are more inclined to get addicted to phones; hence, their productivity can be adversely affected since they get distracted and neglect on their studies. This means instead of engaging in physical activities during the break time, students are gravitated towards video games, which results in exerting several consequences on their well-beings, both physically and mentally. This is a testament of an uptick in problematic behavior in academic environment.  
  
To conclude, although there are humongous benefits derived from mobile phones, I am convinced that it is better to limits the use of it.
A school of host  
A school of thought. Do not use English expressions unless you are sure you are properly presenting it. This error marks down 2 clarity scoring sections at once.  
  
I lean towards to the former.  
Why? Describe your reasoning topic to provide your thesis statement.  
  
On the other hand, I would argue  
No. You cannot argue or present your opinion yet. The opposing public opinion must be explained first. As that discussion topic is missing, the essay will be scored on 2 out of 3 topic discussions. That is because the student opted to use the 3 reasoning paragraph discussion. The essay is now, under developed and lacking in discussion development for the public openon aspect.  
  
The conclusion is a failure as well since it is less than 40 words/2 sentences.
***In some countries, some criminal trials in law courts are shown on television so that the general public can watch.  
## Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?***  
  
The community in several countries is occasionally allowed access to footage showing real criminals tried in law courts, as these events sometimes go on the air. From my own perspective, the drawbacks of this are incomparable to its upsides.  
  
Publicized trials are beneficial in certain ways. To begin with, the complex nature of legal procedures can be further understood by ordinary people, which may result in them having greater confidence on their nation's legal system. To be specific, observing a transparent, organized and step-by-step process of how witnesses are inquired, how testimonies are given under oath, as well as how a verdict is reached with deliberation renders the public convinced that the country's judiciary is indeed effective and trustworthy, on which they can rely for legal protection. In other words, people are inclined to believe in and approve of what they comprehend adequately well; so is the case of complicated judicial processes clarified through televised trials.  
  
Another prominent benefit is that the publicity of trials could have crime rates decreased. That is to say, the sight of criminals being properly sentenced for their offenses gives people a prospect as to how severe punishments would be if they themselves commit crimes. Comparable to the concept of Hell awaiting malefactors - an idea constructed by some religions to warn people off wrong deeds, watching the uncompromising enforcement of laws in specific details on television could serve as a deterrent to people's potential law-breaking intentions. Therefore, it is likely that broadcast trials assist in bringing down the number of illegal acts.  
  
On the other hand, a notable downside of making a guilty person's ordeal in law court publicly aired is that offenders could face difficulties in social re-integration after serving their sentence. Since ex-criminals are usually prone to skeptical attitude from local people, they are predisposed to start a new life in another locality where they are barely known. Nonetheless, if the footage of them being tried circulates across the country, these people become nationally recognizable, and nasty criticism against them may continue to prevail in the new neighborhood. In worse scenarios, the potential prevalence of cynical views wherever these individuals relocate to can result in them being unemployed and excluded from social activities, thereby finding themselves a burden to their family and the community. Although it seems to me that former inmates' life being forced to such extreme due to the influence of televised trials is not highly possible, this negative aspect should still be taken into consideration.  
  
To conclude, my personal conviction is that broadcasts of criminals standing trial are rather positive than negative; however, its prospective drawback should not be omitted.
There is only 1 5 paragraph essay discussion in a task 2 presentation. That is done only when asked to "discuss both views and give your opinion". For all other essays. specially the general opinion presentations such as this one, a 4 paragraph format will suffice. The only thing you have to prove, is that you can cohesively discuss 2 related reasons in one paragraph. The questions provided here focus on your cohesiveness and coherence abilities. There is no need to overpresent your discussion / body paragraphs. There is a need to prove your writing abilities as expected though.  
  
The writing and logic skills are present, but misdirected. Learn to express yourself within a 5 sentence limitation. The over-writing can prove to be a failing point during the actual 40 minute test where proof- reading, content improvement, and editing time count within the actual test time. Time is never a friend to the examinee.  
  
**my personal conviction is that**  
There is no requirement for a personal opinion. Do not present one when not asked to do so. Adding this to the conclusion creates an open-ended and failing essay due to a prompt deviation and non-concluded essay presentation. It could cause an automatic failure in an actual setting.
## NEW MARKETING TECHNIQUES

  
  
It is true that there is an increasing number of techniques which enhance the procurement of their merchandise and help those businesses earn huge profits annually.  
  
It is possibly said that advertisement plays a vital role in contributing to the development and reputation of the company. Firstly, in a mobile and fast-paced society, the internet and high-edge technologies take over other media platforms, more and more people seek for products through ads which are displayed on TV or on You Tube. Moreover, TV commercials usually feature well-known actors, singers, or sports stars with the aim to persuade their fan to buy products as people are more likely to believe that those merchandises are endorsed by famous people. For instance, Dior-a lavish brand was revealed that their sales reached an all-time high when they announced Jisoo as their global ambassador, the turnover increased twice as much last year.  
  
On the other hand, online marketing has the propensity for promoting its products to a more ordinary people, those who have an average income. Many companies spend billions dollar on running ads and marketing through social media app. This helps them approach to customers easily and widely as people often surf the internet in their free time, which increase the covet of buying things. Furthermore, consumers tend to be persuaded with truly review which are experienced by customers not KOLs.  
  
In conclusion, each business has their own marketing scheme which can exerted their product popular. Therefore, the power of social media is unpredictable, it is the most convenient and effective tool that can get access to millions of people all over the world.
The first paragraph is called the prompt restatement + opinion for a reason. It has to accomplish 2 things:  
  
- Give the author's version of the original topic based on his own understanding. no embellishments such as attestations should be found in this paragraph  
  
- Give direct responses to the provided questions in the form of an opinion.  
  
The author has failed to meet these requirements this paragraph will recieve a failing score in terms of accuracy since move of the expectations were met in the presentation.  
  
The essay completely fails to answer the 2nd question in relation to which method the author feels is the most effective way to promote a product and why. The response to this question should be the main focus of the 2nd paragraph. Each gquestion requirement is part of the discussion body. It is never a part of the conclusion Making the response a part of the conclusion will cause this essay to recieve a failing score due to formatting non-compliance.
## Some people think that instead of preventing climate change, we need to find a way to live with it

  
  
Many people argue that rather than reducing climate change, we should find a way to adapt to it. I completely disagree with this statement and I believe that there are several solutions to tackle this problem.  
  
Government and individuals can take some measures to address this problem. Firstly, using renewable resources include wind energy, hydropower, biomass energy, solar panel, so on instead of fossil fuels would be an effective way to contribute to reducing climate change. These types of energy do not emit carbon dioxide or other gases which cause global warming and a lot of harmful impacts on our life. Secondly, the government should take into consideration encouraging residents to use public transportation such as buses, taxis, subways, etc. By doing this, we can mitigate the amount of energy consumption as well as environmental greenhouse gas emissions.  
  
Unless we prevent climate change, we must face a huge amount of dangerous impacts. Firstly, climate change poses a threat to people's health. Climate change leads to the increase of infectious diseases such as malaria and dengue fever, as well as serious ailments such as heart and respiratory disorders because of the rise of air temperature and variable precipitation. Furthermore, climate change causes the rising of sea level as well as many extreme weather events like drought, tsunami, flood, storm, so on. These things would destroy residents' houses, medical facilities, affect the production of crops and livestock, even submerge several coastal areas that demolish the civilization of these cities.  
  
In conclusion, addressing climate change is an essential mission for both individuals and authorities, not adapting to it.
so on  
etc.  
The first phrase reference is meant to indicate additional unsaid information. Similar in use to the word "etc.", this is a non-academic reference used in non-formal or casual writing. Do not use these 2 references going forward as the task 2 essays are formal and academic papers. Good work in the reasoning paragraphs though. The discussion is well supported and uses ample transition words.  
  
Unless we prevent  
we must face  
The first reference implies we have yet to prevent climate change . The second reference makes it appear that we are compelled to face something. This is a sentence structure error. As we are currently dealing with the effects you pointed out, statement should reflect that. The more appropriate structure is "...we will continue to face... ". This indicates the current effects we are trying to change /alter.  
  
The concluding statement is too short a summary presentation. Use at least 2 sentences. One for the topic and one or 2 more for the reasoning topic quick versions.