dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Dear, All friends  
  
Now i 'm preparing write my essay to apply the scholarship on the abroad, so i would like need help all friends internet lead me to check my essay to gather.  
  
the specific i would like to check the grammar, vocabulary, sentence and structural so scenery please edit with me because this 's essay my first essay  
  
i hope all friends to advice better idea with me.  
  
Thank you  
Pan,  
  
## How have you contributed to solving a challenge and to implementing change or reform?

  
  
When I was work with the company private in the past, I have applied my skills and knowledge to data survey and research in local area in my country. Which my position is responsibility of file work supervision and training of trainer to the project also in 2018, I was training of trainer the one project BNC (Be quale Non-Governmental Organization Consortium) also besides this project survey focus groups people poor with Student of parents in communication in my country. We are talk about how to improve social life, economic and Comment on the primary education system in community. We are random about 8 provincial in my country and we want to identify 4 provincial of south and 4 province of north. We are spent on the time about one month. After we are finished our data survey and we have data analyst of expert, after that the results I opinion to result about the condition challenged us to resolve the inefficiencies of education skills for the student and economic of parents for the society in the community.  
  
Prior to the community practice, I carried out an Internet research on articles and journals, I used my experience from skills and save more knowledge areas facing similar challenges. I want to design a handbook about teaching skill children for classroom 1 to classroom 3, so this a handbook have Mathematics and playing activities to basic children skills for relax. This my handbook I will have teachers from the national university and staff at the Ministry of Education and Sports was consulted together.The moment then success is endorsed by the Ministry of Education and Sports, after that it will Printing and distribution will be carried out outside in community in 2022.
I am afraid that there is no way your essay can be edited on this forum. The essay passed through a translator program which did a tremendously bad job of translating your original text. Honestly, I have never seen a translator botch a translation to this point. The whole essay does not make any sense to the reader. If a native English speaker reviews this essay, it will be put in the reject pile after the first 2 sentences are read. There is no chance to fix this essay. You will need professional help to develop a proper response essay. Editing this essay on the forum is just impossible. It is not the job of the contributor to rewrite this whole essay in proper English, if a contributor would even be willing to do so. Like I said, the whole essay just does not make any sense to the reader. It is unusable. Seek professional writing help for your essay. That is the only way you might be able to properly explain your response to the prompt.
## Increase fuel cost to tackle environmental problems

  
  
**TOPIC**: People think that government should increase the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles to solve environmental problems. Give your opinion.  
  
Protecting the ecosystem is the authorities' top priority mission these days. While other people think that raising taxes on petrol is the most effective solution, I would argue that there are other better ways to combat the issue.  
  
To begin with, fuel being increased in cost alone does not bring huge changes in the usage of cars and other fuel-based vehicles. At recent, there are little choice of transport so people have to drive their personal vehicles for daily activities. If the cost goes up, they still do not have alternative transport and keep using petrol-based ones. Moreover, in some countries lacking of developed public transport system and citizens continue to travel by private cars, when the fuel fee rises, they are forced to spend more money on it and reduce budget for other eco-friendly products such as glass containers or cloth bags and using free plastic instead which is another pressing pollution.  
  
In addition, the government should invest more money to upgrade the public transport provision which plays a pivotal role in tackling the problem. As the service on buses and underground trains does not meet the standard quality, people are less willing to try public vehicles. For example, in comparison with Vietnam, Australia has a more efficient transport system that becomes an indispensable part of people life. Thus, the quantity of private cars and motors dramatically decline. The air quality in Australia is much fresher and safer for its netizen thanks to the fact that less vehicles produce less gases and traffic congestion occurring as well.  
  
In conclusion, the idea of raising fuel cost is not suitable for today situation and improving public transport quality is considered to be more effective. The national authorities should allocate more fund in traffic in order to preserve the planet's environment.
You do not have the correct prompt for this essay. The correct prompt is:  
  
*The best way to solve the world's environmental problem is to increase the price of fuel.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?*  
  
While your personal opinion is what should be discussed in this essay because it requires your personal point of view in support of, or not in support of the statement, your response is only partially correct at this point. The mistake is that you did not give the measured response as required by the original question. You cannot just directly give an opinion in these task 2 essays. You always need to provide a response to a given question. The given question helps the writer to frame the discussion paragraphs of the essay. So the proper paraphrase for this essay, based on your existing response is:  
  
*People would like to consider lowering the price of gasoline. This action is believed to be the most proper way to address the nature related dilemmas that currently exist. I am in full disagreement with this point of view. I base my opposition to the discussion on two key points.  
  
My point of view is that....*  
  
Your discussion paragraphs are supportive of your point of view. You just failed to properly outline the prompt paraphrase so you will lose some points for that. Always remember to address the full prompt. Never address the prompt partially so that you can fully utilize the scoring potential for each section. Strengthen your conclusion by delivering a proper body of paragraphs paraphrase, that way you will prove to the examiner that you understood the instructions and are capable of presenting your discussion in 2 different ways.
## writing letter to the tour operator

  
  
**You saw a brochure for a one-week walking tour in the mountains. You're very interested in taking part, but you're not very fit and are worried you wouldn't be able to keep up. Write to the tour operator. In your letter:  
  
· Explain why you're interested in the tour.  
  
· Ask for information about dates and prices.  
  
· Express your concerns about your fitness level.**  
  
Dear Sir or Madam,  
  
I am writing with regard to a one-week hiking tour in the mountains, recently advertised in one of your brochures. Years ago, I used to go walking daily, having this exercise as my favourite hobby. However, what grabbed my attention to take part in this adventure was the possibility of enjoying spectacular sceneries as well as making new friends.  
  
Your leaflet provided me with precise details about the tour, congratulations on the excellent work. Nevertheless, I could not find the dates that the hiking will take place and the range of packages available, including their prices. Hence, I would be delighted if you could send me this information.  
  
I also have a concern about my physical condition. I have been leading a sedentary lifestyle, and although I am not obese, I am quite overweight. Therefore, I would like to check if there are any restrictions about the participants' fitness level that might impede myself to participate in the walking.  
  
I look forward to hearing from you.  
  
Yours faithfully,  
  
Gaucho.
When you indicate the range of packages, there is no need to indicate that you need price information. The package automatically includes a price reference. There is no need to congratulate the reader on the excellent work as your letter will not be sent to the PR team that created the brochure. As for your health reference, the proper question to have asked is whether or not a medical clearance is required for every person participating in the walk. This would have been indicated after you mentioned your health concerns. While you did cover all the bases as per the required information, your letter still could have been presented in a better manner. You need to focus on the C&C part of your writing skills for this type of essay.  
  
You continue to show improvements in your writing. For this essay, I will be a bit conservative and score you a 6.5. There is still work to be done on the way that you present your thoughts in the presentation. Try to make sure that you group your thoughts into related paragraphs. For this essay. After you mentioned your walking hobby, you should have already included information about wanting to know about the health requirements of the participants. By presenting related information in the paragraphs, you will be able to improve your C&C score which, at the moment is the biggest scoring factor holding you back.
## utilization of energy in the USA

  
  
**question:  
The graph below gives information from a 2008 report about consumption of energy in the USA since 1980 with projections until 2030.**  
  
The graph compares the utilization of energy in the USA since 1980 and also gives a projection of it till year 2030.  
  
It is clear that petrol, oil and coal accounted as high units of fuel consumption over the given years as opposed to Nuclear,solar/wind and hydropower.  
  
Now turning to the details, about 35 quadrillion units of petrol and oil was consumed in 1980 which fluctuated and then the figure surged to 40 quadrillion units in 2005 which will move upto 48 quadrillion units in 2030. coal and natural gas will follow the same trend starting at about 16 and 20 quadrillion units respectively in 1980 and crisscrossing each other over the years till 2015 when both reach 25 quadrillion units. The projections show coal will gradually increase to above 30 quadrillion units in 2030 whereas natural gas will level out at 25 quadrillion units.  
  
On the contrary, Nuclear and solar/wind energy's consumption figures rise up in tiny amounts from under 5 quadrillion units in 1980 to between 5-10 quadrillion units in 2030. whereas hydropower energy consumption remains same (about 4 quadrillion units) over the whole period.  
  
(187 words)  
  
*
Your second paragraph is running too long. You should be focusing on the separation of information in the essay as well as the presentation of information. Try to avoid using run on sentences. Sure, the information is connected in the graph. But you can present those by grouped statements. For example, You can group the information by decade in your presentation. So, the information for 1980-1999 go into one paragraph, 2000-2020 in another, then 2021-2030 in the last. You can still have up to 5 paragraphs for the Task 1 essay if it will help you present a clearer report to the reader. The information for 2021-2030 should be a stand alone paragraph as best as possible since that is a future projection and not a part of the summarized data from previous years. So your last paragraph is a good start, but lacking in information. All 2021-2030 projections should have been in that paragraph instead.
## the negative impact of buying over the internet

  
  
People's ways of purchasing goods and products have changed significantly in recent years: that shopping online gradually substituting for traditional retail is a prominent testimony. Although shopping online is of great convenience, as you just need a click on the product you want and put it in your "virtual" basket, it has many effects on the environment. In my view, the negative impact is likely to outweigh the positive counterpart.  
  
On the one hand, the environment now can be beneficial from online shopping. First of all, this shopping habit helps to diminish the amount of carbon footprint. Traditionally, people will have to drive their cars to different shops to purchase products. However, with the help of delivery service, we can reduce the number of cars as well as the extent of CO2 gas eliminating. For example, it is better to deliver four orders using one car instead of having four customers go out and shop on their own. Furthermore, people's choices of purchasing goods online are accounted for online shopping's convenience, simplicity and diversity. As a consequence, it is a compelling evidence that online shopping helps prevent traffic congestion as consumers just stay at home and get their products.  
  
On the other hand, online shopping is gradually destroying our planet. Firstly, it triggers a problem with wrapping material. As all products must be packed carefully so as not to be broken during the delivery process, they are out in plastic boxes or wrapped by paper. Obviously, all of these wrappers will be thrown out leading to air or water pollution, which are attributed to rubbish problems. Additionally, due to the fact that it is very easy to purchase things online, the demands for more products go up, which allows the need to make them rise, too. This is definitely detrimental to the environment in many ways. It uses up land and natural resources such as fuel, electricity, wool, so on in order to build more manufacturing companies. In other words, this shopping habit can cause deforestation and accelerate climate change.  
  
To conclude, online shopping does contribute to lessening the effects of environmental issue. However, we should take into consideration its negative impact on Earth. The future of our planet also depends on our ways of purchasing.
Since you did not specify if this is for an English test and what type of English test you will be taking, I will assume that this essay is more for English class and you are practicing how to write an essay. My essay will be a general review of your work based on the American standards for the English language. Your essay has several conciseness problems in the presentation. Those sorts of mistakes are negligible since you are still learning to write in English.  
  
You should learn to write using better vocabulary over time and with constant practice. You have a few grammatical errors in your presentation that could have been spotted if you had used the grammar check system of your word program. Sometimes, those auto-correct features really do come in handy when trying to spot mistakes in your writing.  
  
The clarity of your though process is clear. You used punctuation marks properly. Your complex sentence presentations would have been better if you had not made conciseness errors. Not a bad presentation. You should be proud of yourself. Please remember to provide more instructions next time for your essay so that a more targeted review of your work can be completed.
## [IELTS ACADEMIC-WRITING TASK 2] PUNISHMENT

  
  
**It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?**  
  
Educating children has always been a tough task that challenges almost all parents and teachers these days. It is thought that children should be the taught to distinguish two different sides of a problem at a young age, and giving them penalty is essential. This essay will discuss why the belief given above is completely acceptable and provide some forms of discipline that could be used to control the young's behavior  
  
I concur that forming a child's personality from an early age by teaching the right and wrong is absolutely crucial. If children are able to recognize what should do and what should not do, they would have a strong determination to resolve a problem properly. Besides, this educational strategy has functions to enhance juvenile's critical thinking, which is useful for their future development, especially in their academic performance. Punishment is compatible with children's process of achieving this distinction. Parent or teaching staffs could impose a mild penalty on children's wrongdoing so that they would remember to eliminate their inappropriate behavior.  
  
In terms of penalty methods, I opine that both parent and teachers should avoid harsh punishments. Mentally abusing, smacking, hitting, etc could potentially leave children psychologically damaged. Instead, it is recommended that the young should be given constructive penalty which enable them to realize their mistakes. For examples, taking away a child's favorite toy for a day if there has been any misbehavior, he or she will remember not to repeat that mistake  
  
In conclusion, I believe that shaping children's personality through constructive punishment is imperative for the social sustainable development.
The essay is short in terms of discussion requirements. The body of paragraphs should have been composed of your POV regarding the 3 main topics in the essay which are:  
  
Par. 1 : The parents and their responsibility in applying discipline to their children. Ending in a suggestion for a non-corporal punishment.  
Par. 2 : The responsibility of educators as teachers in instilling discipline in a child and what sort of punishment the teacher and school can give. Base the solution on your own school's punishment system.  
  
Par. 3: Your own point of view. Explain and support with examples. Close the paragraph with your suggested form of non-corporal punishment as meted out by your parents and teachers.  
  
The score you might get for this essay in an actual setting is around a 5. The main problems lie in the way that you did not properly respond to the task question, limited explanation development, and inappropriate discussion of the task topics provided. The template above for a 5 paragraph essay should have been followed in the body of paragraphs. As for the mistake in your response to the task question, while you gave a measured response, you indicated that "This essay will discuss" rather than responding to the question of "To what extent do **YOU**...". Since there is a reference to the need to use a personal pronoun by pointing out that "**YOU**" have to discuss the essay, then you should have said "In this essay, **I** will be discussing this topic based on the point of view of the teachers and parents prior to offering my own ideas and suggestions."  
  
Your concluding paragraph is faulty. It does not contain the required reverse summary of the body of paragraphs and prompt statement. The conclusion is always 3 sentences long at a minimum.
***IELTS WRITING TASK 2**  
**Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of the society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.  
  
## Discuss both views and give your opinion.*** Please help me, thank you so much!  
  
Practically, there are certain groups of those who still completely believed that children should devote all of their first lifetimes at school to gain the best academic performance. From my own viewpoint, this would more or less affect the comprehensive development and future career of their offspring.  
  
It is undeniable that schooling institutions play the key role towards children's integration, it generates the appropriate environment where children could communicate with others, respect and obey the rules of their school in particular as a community in general. Through the academic environment, a child could easily identify their strength, enhance their value and share it for the surrounding. Besides that, facilitating early social skills, which is taught in school, boosts a child's confidence level to confront obstacles outside society. It is also essential to support them acclimatize themselves to different conditions and become more independent.  
  
On the other hand, schools cannot entirely replace the role and responsibility of parents. Individually, family is considered as the society in miniature that we interact most ever since we were born. Children start shaping their awareness by imitating behaviors and gestures of their family members throughout the first years of life, which shapes the child's personality and characteristic in the future. Parents will also certainly be the first to help their offsprings learn how to show kindness to others, what is important in life, differentiate between right and wrong as well as encourage them to believe in themselves so they can stand on their own feet.  
  
In conclusion, children are in need of being educated, but they have also to be left to educate themselves. The harmonious combination between school and family will give the most efficient orientation for the development of children's consciousness, then they could continue their studies with no support.
The prompt paraphrase has to outline the discussion instruction as provided in the original prompt. In this rephrasing, you failed to identify the discussion instruction. The instruction is to discuss both points of view and your your opinion based on personal knowledge and experience. You turned this into a personal point of view response, which means you will lose points for having only a partially correct response to the prompt instruction and, there will be points deducted for the words that should have gone to discussing both points of view as well. That means your essay will be considered under the word count and as such, will have great difficulty in achieving a passing score.
***In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and business to move to regional areas outside the big cities.*  
## do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?**  
  
Government motivate companies to relocate industries and business from urban to outlying in some countries. I totally agree although companies will spend amount of money to transportation cost but it will reduce emissions pollution in cities areas.  
  
On the one hand, relocating business and factories to outside big city appears risk of transportation because distributing product takes further distance. Companies would spend abundant of money to distribute the product for consumers. For instance, product distributes to public will need take much time and fuel to transportation so that companies should increase price of products. Consequence, the price of product in market increase from the first price to cover transportation cost.  
  
On the other hand, certain areas is suitable place to build companies because it is further from society environment. Moving out industrial area will minimize emission pollution in the city atmosphere. For example industrial always produce emissions, which harm to individuals physical health. Some research institutes have proved that those live close to the industrial zones within 10 kilometers have a much higher risk of getting cancers because they breath litter air every day. Other positive effect for society, the companies give job opportunities to society in the rural areas. The factory can recruit employees with have low economics around regional areas so that improving their living standard.  
  
To sum up, relocating industry in regional zones gain risk of transportation but it have big positive impact on society in healthy. I believe as time goes the factory will develop in production although further from public areas.  
  
(words 256)