dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
@liqiaoer This would have been a more profound essay on your part if you could have just remembered to use the right tense usage in the presentation. This essay must always use the past tense of the presentation discussion because these all occurred long ago, in the distant past. Hence the need to indicate the time frame as not being in the present. You seem to have improved your English reading capacity as of this time, however your writing talents leave a lot to be desired.  
  
That said, it is important that I let you know that your message comes across clearly even though your presentation has severe grammatical issues. It would be in your best interest to have this paper professionally proofread, perhaps through our SERVICES so that the errors and somewhat error filled parts of the presentation can be better presented, developed, and discussed in your paper.  
  
Overall, this is a good attempt at writing an essay based on the given topic. You may want to consider better developing your presentations explaining the quotes from the book. Your personal insights are either shallow or lacking in analysis most of the time. In order to get a better grade, you need to first develop a better discussion presentation for the topic provided. You did a pretty good job of representing your English writing skills though. It is clear in terms of presentation but lacking in grammatical and sentence structure efficiency. Try to concentrate on those weak points in order to get a better review next time. I look forward to reading your next practice essay.
Hello, this is my first time posting here. I would love to be corrected and later on, I would contribute to everyone's writing as well. Thank you.  
  
## plentiful financial provision for trained sportsmen

  
  
**Some people believe that the salaries paid to professional sportspeople are too high, while others argue that sports salaries are fair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
There is a widely held belief that specialized sport players' income is far too heavily invested in. Others opine that their salary is adequate. Personally, I would argue that both of these stances have their own plus and minus sides.  
  
On the one hand, to some extent, some sportspeople are paid more than what they deserve. Undoubtedly, sports are not the only occupation which requires high payments. Other professions indeed assert sufficient commissions as well, since they make as vital contributions to the society as sports do. Such people as meteorologists, astronomers and researchers all need ample funding to maintain their work conditions. Were sports to be prioritized in investment, other fields would not obtain their satisfactory budget. Hence, the society would suffer from fewer findings and discoveries.  
  
On the other hand, I believe the uplifted salaries spent on experts in sports are justifiable. To begin with, this line of work is a physically demanding and exhausting job. Footballers, boxers,.. are all in need of high salaries in compensation for all the protracted practice and endurance they experience. In addition, intensive sporting is unfailingly involved with occasional injuries. In order to make amends for these sprains as well as hospital cost implications, sport specialists are undoubtedly longing for superb paying conditions. Therefore, the high expenditure on expert sportdoers is understandable.  
  
All in all, I am in favor of the viewpoint that the plentiful financial provision for trained sportsmen is plausible due to their suffering from harsh physical compulsions and frequent body bruises.  
  
(252 words)
Nguyen, In this type of essay, you should be looking to discuss both points of view from a public perspective rather than a personal observation. While you are asked to discuss a personal opinion later on by the prompt, what is clear is that the two points of view must be coming from a public understanding of the issue. A combination of an understanding of the two points of view are what will then create your personal opinion on the matter.  
  
While your essay response is somewhat okay, the fact that the prompt restatement is incomplete and your discussion is lacking a proper public points of view discussion for the two opinions before your own drag down your presentation. Your TA score is based on your proper understanding of the original prompt and your ability to properly discuss this essay. So the more acceptable discussion presentation is:  
  
*There is a discussion as to whether or not professional athletes are paid too much money. While reasons why they are paid so highly do exist, there are still some considerations that lead other to opine that the salaries the athletes are paid should be considered sufficient for their work. A presentation of these two public discussion points should help me create an opinion regarding the topic.  
  
Athletes seem to be paid highly because...  
  
However, there are times when the salary seems to be just appropriate enough...  
  
Considering the two sides of the discussion, I believe that...  
  
Hence, a sector of the public believe that... However, another opinion is that... These two factors have led me to opine that...*  
  
You have not written enough words to gain a higher scoring consideration. By increasing the discussion to a 5 paragraph prompt of about 275-300 words should help you better display your English skills and bring you up for higher scoring points. Never write just a little over the required number of words, aim for the middle so that you can fully use the scoring considerations offered by the increased word count.  
  
Your current discussion lacks in discussion development so your GRA and C&C scores will be affected. You do not really try to explain what it is you are trying to say. You are merely saying things, without explaining its points. This removes from the possible clarity that your essay could have presented in terms of meaning and discussion. Try to do only one topic at a time or learn to use connecting words, phrase, or sentences in order to better orient the reader about what the discussion paragraph is all about.  
  
Your word use can be improved. As you practice writing in English, you should find that your vocabulary will continue to develop and your sentence presentations will become far more complex than when you were first starting to write in the language. No rush with that. It just happens over time, without your noticing it. Just keep practicing in order to further develop your English writing skills.
## cherishing and teaching - ideal person for a child

  
  
it is true that the publishing affects on children's growth a lot. however, I would argue that the kids are more affected by their parents, siblings and relative.  
  
on the one hand, social media is dramatically developed nowadays, so the kids access to them is inevitable. from education, health services to politics, entertainments are available on television, news, internet. moreover, all of the online information is free as well as the access is not very strict, the children able to discover by themselves and might get several drawbacks. For instance, they learn from wrong information or unauthorized resources, which causes negative awareness. By contrast, if the kids acquire a great picture or generous activities, the shape of judicious things will come to their mind.  
  
on the other hand, there are many reasons why the family has an enormous impact on their children's mature process. Firstly, children spend almost of their childhood times with their parents, every first lesson which the adult teach them is vital. for example, if the infants are oriented to be a kind person, a generous person they will grow up in this way somehow. Secondly, the way a family treat them will be one of the important things how the children will become. for instance, a child is punished by hitting from their parents is more stubborn than the one who is amonished by a slight verbal explanation.  
  
in conclusion, from my point of view, the parents should be an ideal person for their children, cherishing and teaching them to be a nice person in the future
Please somebody helps me check my essay. I want to get 6.5+ in my writing  
  
**Fast food is now universally in most countries and is becoming increasingly popular. Some feel that this is a positive trend, while others do not. What are your opinions in this?**  
  
Food plays an essential role in our daily life. However, people today are quite busy and that is the reason why fast food is becoming more and more popular. It is believed that this is a good chance because of its convenience and low cost but I completely disapprove of this statement for two main reasons.  
  
First of all, processed food has an adverse effect on the long-term health of human beings. It is indisputable that fast food is a cheap and time-saving way to eat, but taking too much can lead to serious diseases such as high blood pressure, obesity, diabetes and heart disease. The reason is junk food contains a high calorie and cholesterol level, which affects considerably those who tends to overuse it. Moreover, food hygiene also poses threat to our health because many restaurants today use unclear origin food and food addictive. When eating these kinds of food regularly, we will be poisoned by toxic chemicals and suffered from cancer.  
  
Secondly, the strong development of fast food industry is ruining human's diet habit. In earlier times, family members used to prepare and have meals together in a cozy atmosphere but now, they often go to the fast food restaurants instead of going to the market to but food and cook meals, which may cause the loss of food recipes inherited from former generations. It is easily understandable that people these days have less time for themselves to cook and that is why more and more processed food restaurants appear. As for me, this is really a negative trend because it badly affects the quality of the time we spend with our beloved ones.  
  
To sum up, I once again reaffirm my opinion that fast food is a potential menace to our bodies. We need to restrict ourselves to unhealthy food and have a balanced diet.
Hello Nguyễn,  
  
There is a disconnect between your opening paragraph and the next one. In the first, you stated that the perceived reason for fast food popularity is busyness. If I understand your essay correctly, you are saying the convenience and low cost of fast food should not be enough reason for its continued consumption.  
  
I would suggest you acknowledge the virtue of those benefits and then present your health perspective (which is a fantastic one by the way), as a greater and opposing reason to stay away from fast food.  
  
Your second reason is very sentimental and indirect but I think it works. It is food after all!  
  
Your facts are there. They just need articulation.
## To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

  
***Give your own opinion and examples.***  
  
*Hi everyone,  
I'm a novice here.  
Please help me to revise my IELTS essays.  
I will really appreciate it .  
Thank you very much : )*  
  
It is true that family education plays a significant role in shaping children's personality. While I agree that equipping parents with good parenting skills is practical to lowering juvenile delinquency, I believe that virtuous companions and friends are the best way to deter them from committing crimes.  
  
Undoubtedly, parents should possess fundamental parenting skills to teach their children distinguishing right from wrong, fostering proper moral values, and guaranteeing fairness and justice. Moreover, because children always learn from what their parents do, whether it is good or not, I am definitely convinced that the more positive examples parents impart, the fewer crimes children commit. For instance, the polite children who can yield their seats and join the queue are attributed to the upbringing of civilized parents.  
  
However, the circles of society is a critical factor to affecting behaviors of adolescents.The young often reckon that friendship is important to them, and sometimes even ambitious brotherhood is reduced to criminality due to unconditionally supporting their friends. From my own experience for instance, poor store performance led my well-mannered cousins to embezzle money to help his best friend, for which he ultimately spent one year in jail.  
  
In conclusion, while bad upbringing will cause youth crime, in my opinion, bad company is the main culprit of juvenile delinquency over parenting. Adolescents sometimes go astray because of so-called friendship. However, while I don't deny the important of friendship, we should recognize that to watch the friends we keep is more significant.
MingChin, your discussion in this essay is partially correct. The reason that I say it is partially correct is because you are still on point with your reasoning although, your response to the task is incorrect. Why is it incorrect? Let's outline it for a clearer picture:  
  
Question: To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?  
Wrong Response: I believe that virtuous companions and friends are the best way to deter them from committing crimes.  
Correct Response: I am definitely convinced ...  
  
See what I mean? You had the correct idea, just in the wrong place within the essay. Always make sure that you provide the correct response within the paraphrased paragraph because that is where it will most help your score in terms of TA considerations.  
  
Now, the next problem with your essay is that the example that you used in reference to your cousins isn't really complete in discussion and presentation. The point of that example was not made clear to the reader. How does this example relate to parenting lessons? There is no clear connection between your example and the prompt topic.  
  
You have a pretty good idea with regards to discussion presentations. What you need to work on at this point is your understanding of the prompt requirements and how to present your response in a manner that reflects the prompt requirements. Seeing how well you can understand the English language and how you can use it to a great extent in your writing, you should be able to correct that problem with your succeeding essays.
Dear @AsgardSheol  
  
Iam impressed with your good control of English. However, I have a few advise to your writing.  
To make your essay more organized, especially in writing the body paragraph where you explain your arguments, you can use this one of potential ways:  
  
-main idea  
\*main point 1  
\*example 1  
\*main point 2  
\*example 2  
  
Good luck!
## statistics about the numbers of students choosing some university subjects

  
  
*Task 1: The bar chart below shows the number of students who chose certain university subjects in 2005. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant*  
  
My writing:  
This analytical report will deal with the statistics about the numbers of students choosing some university subjects in 2005 mentioned in the given bar chart. Each subject was considered as a group to be described, and they were also divided by gender. It can be read from the chart how many thousands of male and female students choose a particular subject.  
  
The interests of students in mentioned subjects were not the same. Each subject received the different number of choosing students in the two genders.  
As for male students, their levels of interest in different subjects were different. The subjects which had the least numbers of male participants were Languages and the Arts, with the number were about two thousands and three thousands, respectively. The subjects received the greatest interest of males are sciences and mathematics, each of them would be attended by about twenty thousand males. The four remain subjects, which were Humanities, Social Sciences, Literature and Law, seemed to bring quite good enjoyments to male students; from more than ten thousand to more than fifteen thousand of men would take part in classes of each of those subjects.  
  
The levels of interest of female students in the subjects were diverse but different from the male students. Being opposite to the very small of males choosing to study Languages, it was the second most popular subject to be chosen by females, with about eighteen thousand attendants, that was about nine-time larger than the one of males. Social sciences seemed to be the most interesting subject for females, with nearly 25 thousand females studying. While Mathematics ranked the second in the top of interested subjects by males, this subject received the least interest by females when only less than five thousand of them choosing it.  
  
There was one subject having the similar number of male and female attendants, which is Humanities. There were more than ten thousand of students in each gender choosing to study it.  
  
P/S: This is my writing for IELTs Task 1. I hope you can give me some comments and help me to estimate my score. Thank you very much.  
  
*
I don't know u are using "seem" which is usually not okay in any IELTS writing :) because I've heard that "seem" is an informal word. Secondly, in IELTS Task 1, "seem" is considered as a "showing-expression" word :) ( idk if I use that word correctly :) ) which are showing feeling expressions and of course that is not okay :) in the IELTS task 1  
  
So that what I know :) !
I can tell that you took great pains to write this essay clearly so that you came up with 327 words. While you did manage to increase your scoring potential through clarity in the presentation, I am worried that in an actual test, when you have to write this on a pen and paper basis, plus the need to review, revise, and edit your essay on the spot, you may not be able to perform this well.  
  
There is a reason that you need to be able to write a complete analysis within 275 - 300 words. Like I said, you need to consider the actual writing environment when doing the practice tests. I dare you to write 327 words for a Task 1 essay within 20 minutes the way you did with this essay. If you can do it, then go ahead and keep writing long essays. I know for a fact you did not use a timer when you wrote this essay and you did not review and revise your written work before submission because the errors in direct relation to the GRA scoring considerations are clear in the essay. You did not manage to spot and correct these errors.  
  
While this type of presentation, without consideration of time constraints and word count would garner you at least a 6.5 in scoring potential, I am not going to score this essay based on the existing scoring criteria because I know this is an unrealistic presentation of the illustration analysis on your part. You did not follow the required time format for writing this essay. This type of writing is good for written language practice, not good for an IELTS essay. You need to practice under the correct exam setting or you will not be able to properly perform during the actual exam date.
I took the TOEFL and the GRE a few days ago, and I don't have much of an idea as to how the IELTS is graded, but based on the sample essays which I have viewed so far, which have received perfect scores, the essays typically have the following format:  
  
1. Your opening paragraph should state what the question asks and what your essay is going to be about.  
2. The next paragraph should contain your analysis. Break up your analysis into three points. In each of your analysis do the following:  
a. State the trends which you observe. Be as clear and concise as you can with this.  
b. Mention the exact figures, like percentages or values, which are mentioned in the text or passage or image. Spend a line or two per figure.  
  
c. [Optional. Do this only if they ask you to] Come up with reasons for the observation in Step 2.a.  
3. Conclude with a paragraph which restates all the trends.  
  
This will easily help you reach the word limit within the given time constraints.
@Dang Khoa  
I don't think "seem" is unusable in IELTS writing.  
- "seem" is an informal word: I suspect it as many example essays contain it, and it even appears in some expressions like "it seems to me that".  
  
- showing feeling expressions: I'm not sure but I don't think there is any problem with this because it can be used to describe a trend that is shown in the graph (similarly to when we use "tend to").
***Topic:  
## Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in man countries.

  
Explain the main causes and effects of this problem, and suggest some possible solutions***  
  
Here is my writing. This is my first completed writing task 2, please help and give me any suggestion to improve it. Thank you.  
  
*Nowadays, obesity is becoming a global disease, cause many related pathology and serious complications. There are many reason lead to this outbreak and several action have been proposed to solve these issues.  
  
It is likely that one of the most prominent cause giving rise to this problem is abuse of junk food, sugary soft drink and others food which are high in calorie, cholesterol and unhealthy fat while at the same time lack necessary vitamin , mineral and protein and these factors are taking a toll on our health.. Additionally, lack of physical activity and laziness are also considered as important cause of obesity, especially for those who work in office and spend most of their time on computer playing game, website suffering. Finally, except external factor mentioned above, obesity can also result from genetic factors, many research show that some specified genes influence the formation of obesity.  
  
The consequences of obesity can be manifested externally as weight gain or potential internal dangers such as high blood pressure, high blood cholesterol. Excessive body weight is associated with various diseases and conditions, particularly cardiovascular diseases, diabetes mellitus type 2, obstructive sleep apnea, certain types of cancer, osteoarthritis,and asthma. As a result, obesity has been found to reduce life expectancy.  
  
Many solution have been proposed and recommended to reduce the risk of obesity. By establishing a healthy diet, eating enough of the essential nutrients, limiting high calorie and fatty foods, it is better to use a nutrition pyramid to build a appropriate diet. In addition, regular exercise and sports are indispensable, take at least 30 minutes per day if possible. Moreover, the contribution of govenrment is also important in limit fast food advertisements, putting a ban on unhealthy items specially prepared keeping in mind to children and controlling commercially available foods.  
  
To conclude, although many countries are now a days falling prey to unhealthy diet but we can fight and defeat this menace with strong will power and taking some preventive actions as described above.*