dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Vy, your total essay is a mess of over reaching vocabulary, improperly structured sentences, confusing topic sentences, and basically, an extremely stressful read for the examiner. Your essay is difficult to make sense of because you are not properly developing your sentence presentations, have poor control over grammar (specifically the use of "a" and "an") along with the lack of proper transition sentences.  
  
Don't just use complicated English words such as "paradoxically" just because it sounds nice and applicable. You need to make sure that the "big" words you use are actually applicable to the sentence topic you are discussing. In this case, it wasn't and you could have chosen a simpler English word to represent what you wanted to say.  
  
The task 2 essay is not a test of English vocabulary. Nor it is a test of how many English words you know. This is a test of English proficiency. As long as you use proper words in a manner than properly explains what you are trying to say, the examiner will be able to score you properly. Confuse the examiner and write directionless statements such as the above and you will end up with a failing score.  
  
A word of advice, write in simple English sentences using basic vocabulary for now. You are not yet capable of using advanced English words in the proper manner. Your sentence development ability is only at the beginner stage at this point. Don't try to write anything beyond your actual English writing abilities. You will still get a good or even passing score when you write simple texts. What matters is that you are clearly understood. At this point, this essay clearly shows that you cannot easily be understood by a native English speaker and that, is bad for your final score.  
  
FYI, Batolle is a soccer player, not a soccer. Soccer is the sport. Soccer ball is the instrument of the game. A soccer player plays the game. See what I mean by you are not familiar enough with the English language to compose even a basic English sentence? That is the reason why you have a greater chance of failing rather than passing this test at this point.  
  
Practice simple English sentence writing before you continue to write practice essays. You need to do that if you want to stand a chance of even writing understandable simple English sentences at this point.
You mentioned only the drawback of athletes which is unfair. Secondly, in your last paragraph you have written "a conclusion ...". You'd better write " a conclusion that is hard for both sides".  
  
I am of the opinion that if teenagers lead healthy lifestyle ( like athletes and sportsmen do) they will always be in good physical condition.  
And finally, I have a question, which is also (somehow) an answer: If athletes do not follow regular lifestyle, take drugs e.t.c then why people look up to them? Why everyone tries to be, for example Mario Balotelli, or legendary player Cristiano Ronaldo ( who even works out gym underwater) ?
## Earth is being harmed by human activity

  
  
*Some people believe that the Earth is being harmed by human activity. Others feel that human activity makes the Earth a better place to live.*  
  
this thesis is one of the most well-known ones, but anyway i wanted to write something about it.  
  
I am of the opinion that humanity has had a negative effect on the planet.  
The quailty of human life has improved over the past years, but Earth is being damaged more and more by human activity. Meanwhile we develop technology, we use natural resources. with some types of of transport and factories we poluute environment and besides, destroy natural areas.  
  
To begin with, industrial development has caused major air pollution, which has a terrible effect on person's health ( for example: it increases chronic lung deseases) also human evolution has led to accumulation of trash, which spoils the beauty of the planet. Over and above, water is beint contiminated, which causes high risk of poisoning.  
  
Secondly, people act as if we had unlimited natural resources. Everyday we get oil, petrol from Earth and cut down trees. Earth is likely to human, if we bleed all the time we die. So we should utilize Earth's resources rationally.  
  
As urban populations grow, the cities expand too, taking over more and more land. On the land, that were once forests, resorts or just green territory, are now bulit houses offices, stores and some other kind of buildings.  
  
In conclusion, I strongly believe that human activity is causing the world changes at a rapid pace. By harming Earth, we put our lives in danger
Ana, regardless of the information and review that you received above, your essay will still get a failing score automatically. It is not because of the errors in your sentence structures or the discussion of the essay that caused this automatic negative score. It is the fact that you wrote less than the minimum amount of words. You wrote only 224 words when the minimum is 250 words. In a real test scenario, you won't even get the reviewer to read your essay, he is going to count the words first. Anything below the minimum and he won't even bother to read the essay. You will receive points deductions for the number of missing words in the essay and then be scored again with points deducted for the remainder of the errors based on the scoring criteria. Therefore, this essay will not have any chance of passing. Please remember to write the minimum of 250 words the next time you write a practice essay test.
*I've just started to practise IELTS writing task 2, and i would greatly appreciate it if you kindly give me some feedback on my writing in this post.*  
  
## ***MUST THE RISE OF TECHNOLOGY BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE DOWNFALL OF COMMUNICATION?***

  
  
**Today more and more people are using mobile phones and computers. Thus, people are losing the ability to communicate face to face. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
It is argued that the widespread use of computers and mobile phones is responsible for the loss of human ability to communicate face to face. While i accept that the prevalence of these modern devices may negatively affect people's communication skills, i believe that with proper use, this can benefit people in terms of personal communication.  
  
On the one hand, there are a variety of reasons why computers and mobile phones have to take responsibility for the downfall of face-to-face communication. One reason is that the excessive use of these devices discourages real interaction. Young people nowadays tend to spend a large proportion of their time on computer screens or their cell phones rather than with their family members and friends. For example, mealtimes when all the family used to get together are becoming a thing of the past. Furthermore, the misuse of personal electronic devices may bring about less time spent practising and developing communication skills that are essential when people want to express themselves cogently and with clarity. For instance, my close friend who is addicted to playing games on his cell phone had considerable difficulty in articulating his point of view when required to give a speech in front of the class.  
  
On the other hand, computers and mobile phones can bring benefits to people who want to communicate face to face more effectively in many ways. First, there are numerous tutorial videos on the Internet with regard to communication skills. Therefore, people can easily access such videos via mobile devices and gain valuable insights into how to have a good conversation. For example, by putting what he had learned from videos about job interviews on YouTube, my brother successfully landed his dream job at GSK, one of the world's largest pharmaceutical companies. In addition, the prevalence of mobile devices can give young people countless opportunities to develop their language skills. As a result, they will become more confident and find it much easier to have a conversation with native speakers when studying abroad.  
  
For the reasons mentioned above, it is true that the usage of computers and mobile phones can have a negative impact on people's ability to communicate face to face, but i believe that these modern tools can help to develop communication skills, if they are used wisely and properly.
Tuan, this being an extent essay, you must respond to the question being asked in the manner expected. This is not a simple opinion essay. This is a measured opinion essay. Therefore, to respond by simply saying that you believe in something related to the discussion topic is incorrect. You need to respond by not only paraphrasing the original prompt, but you must also mention the measurement of (dis)agreement with the statement. The thesis statement / prompt response for this essay, based upon what I read in your final paragraph, it appears that you agree with the given statement. However, you are not in total agreement with the statement either. This is where the problem with your essay comes in.  
  
You are actually delivering a confused statement here. You cannot be both in agreement and disagreement with the given statement. You need to pick one side for the discussion and stick to it or, make it clear from the very beginning that you do not fully agree by stating that; "I partially agree with the given statement due to a number of reasons." Without that extent statement of partial agreement, your total essay fails to make sense as it does not properly respond to the task requirements.  
  
Consider defending only one side of the discussion as part of your extent statement in order to avoid confusion next time. If you think about which side you truly support more, you can indicate that you strongly, totally, or unequivocally support a particular discussion side. This makes it easier for you to write the essay because you avoid the need to do a comparison discussion which, in your case, created the confusing point of view and lack of proper extent statement at the start of the discussion.  
  
Don't get me wrong, you show that you understood the prompt topic but not the discussion instruction. Your discussion paragraphs also show that you are capable  
  
of properly thinking of supporting explanations and appropriate examples for your statements. Those are the positive points that you can take from this particular exercise. The problem is that your unfamiliarity with the discussion style caused you to not respond to the prompt instructions in the expected manner. That is why this essay will most likely have a difficult time getting a passing score in an actual test setting.  
  
There are more than enough examples of extent essays at this forum that you can refer to in order to learn how to better address the various Task 2 essay prompts. I encourage you to read those essays along with the advice given for the correction so that you can learn and apply the lessons to your future work.
## the drama class

  
  
My all time favorite class in elementary school was the drama class. Mr. Jaffery is the best theatre artist/teacher I have ever met till date. He always entered class dressed up as a particular character like Batman, Fireman or a zombie. We used to have drama class once a week every Tuesday just before we left for home. After a full day of studying life cycles of animals and location of states on the map etc, drama class was refreshing and I used to look forward to that class. The most memorable class was just before the Christmas break. Mr. Jaffery entered class disguised as an elf and asked us to go to the garden area. We all stood in a circle in the garden and he asked us to imagine ourselves as any character we would like to be in the upcoming activity. After pondering over the various characters, I chose my self to be little red riding hood. After a couple of minutes, Mr. Jaffery read out a small paragraph from a book and paused halfway through the story. He then told us to get into our respective characters and continue the story with every student saying one dialogue each with respect to their character. The story which started as a fantasy, went on to become a thriller, then mystery and soon a comedy element was brought in with some adventure taking place side by side and finally after some action sequence it ended as a fairy tale. The entire activity had left us in splits. The dialogues and expressions used were mind-blowing. Soon as we entered class after the activity, we were informed that our entire class was video recorded and was later shown to us on the projector screen. The video got us giggling and chortling. The copy of the video was soon sent to our parents and till today every time I see that video, I remember the entire storyline with the dialogues that was created during that activity.
Kushboo, one particular activity in this class is not enough to make it a favorite class. Memorable? Yes. Favorite? No. A favorite class should be related to a subject that was taught in it that inspired your ambitions for your future. So, if you liked drama class, then that means you are trying to become a theater major right? There should be a relationship like that being told in your story.  
  
I learned more about Mr. Jaffery in this essay than I did about why it became your favorite class. Don't describe the one activity that you enjoyed very much. Explain why the class was something you enjoyed. Aside from it being an academic ice-breaker, why else did you look forward to this class? Did it offer some sort of avenue of release for you in relation to academic stress? Did it signify the start of your down time from academics to extra curricular activities? What? The story you told doesn't really describe why this could have become your favorite class. I can understand why it would be a class you still remember today, but your narration doesn't explain why this would be a favorite class for you. There is a missing central theme/topic/realization/inspiration to the story.
*I've just stared practicing IELTS Writing Task so I hope that everyone can take a look at my writing and give me as many as feedback as possible. Thank you very much!!!*  
  
***The charts below show how selected age groups bought concert, cinema and theatre tickets online over the first three months of 2013 in three countries and how the Internet was accessed. Summarize the information ...***  
  
## different ways of buying tickets

  
  
The charts presented how two different ranges of age used the internet and which type of devices were mostly used in order to buy concert, cinema and theatre tickets in the first quarter of 2013 in Australia, UK and Malaysia.  
  
It was clear that in UK and Australia there were more young people (age of 25-44) bought tickets on the internet than the older group (age of 65 and above), approximately 55%. In contrast, both groups in Malaysia had about 45% of tickets were bought online and the older group was slightly higher than the young one.  
  
In term of internet accessing devices, desktop computer was the most popular, with over 60%. Following by laptop with nearly 45% in Australia and Malaysia and about 30% in UK. And lastly, mobile phone was the least common devices with only 30% in Malaysia and lower in Australia and UK.  
  
In conclusion, most of young people buy tickets online and desktop computer was the device that was used most.  
  
*
Ly, the first thing you have to remember is that there is a big difference in writing the Task 2 and Task 1 essays. Task 2 essays require a conclusion at the end because you are being asked to deliver an opinion regarding a discussion topic. Task 1 essays do not require a conclusion because you are not discussing an opinion. Rather, Task 1 essays require a trending statement as the images supplied require you to explain the end result of the measured study of the image presented. Next time you write a Task 1 essay, remember, use a trending statement, not a conclusion.  
  
Your overview information is incomplete and thus, inaccurate. You neglected to mention the following:  
1. Type of illustration - Bar graph not chart  
2. 2 sets of age ranges - 25-44 and 65+  
3. Countries for comparison  
4. Measurements conducted - Age of people who buy concert, cinema, theater tickets online and most common means of ticket access  
5. Trending statement  
  
You are inconsistent in your information presentation. For every age group, a specific measurement was made but you did not compare these data. In fact, you even placed the age groups in a parenthesis when it should be part of the complete presentation. A parenthesis means information is optional, which in this case, isn't. Actual measurements were used in the graphs and yet you rarely referred to these information in your writing. When presented with measurements, mention them. That is the best way to accurately summarize your discussion.
## London's accommodation used by 25-year-olds

  
  
*Task: The pie charts and the table show the types of living accommodation occupied by 25-year-olds in London during the 1990s and the 2010s, and the availability of different types of accommodation in London during the same two periods.  
  
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.*  
  
My writing:  
  
Looking at the chart and the table mentioned, it's can be obviously seen London's accomodation types used by 25-year-olds and available during the periods 1990s and 2010s.  
  
As for the occupied accommodation types of 25-year-old Londoners, the rate of shared house and shared flat in the 2010s was higher than the one in 1990s. Young residents have trended to move out of parents' houses and together with other people rent and share an accomodation but chose less to live alone.  
  
There was also changes in the available housing in London in 1990s and 2010 onwards. In the both two mentioned periods, 3-(or-4)-bedroom accommodations were more available than 1-(or-2)-bedroom houses or flats. Flats and houses had the similar number of usable ones in both periods. However, since 2010, the number of available 1-(or-2)-bedroom housing has been much smaller than the larger accommodations. The number has been also less than the number in 1990s. The reason for this can be the trend to live in smaller accommodations instead of the larger ones.  
  
According those information, the data about available and occupied housing has some changes. Understanding those changes and finding out the rules can have benefits for the parties involved.  
  
P/S: This is my writing for IELTS Writing Task 1. For me, this is always the hard part because of the time limit and the difficulty in selecting information to describe.  
  
Hope you can give me some comments and tell me the score I may received. Thank you for any help.  
  
*
Hang, there are major problems with your presentation because you failed to identify the proper information for presentation in your opening summary. The opening summary is the outline of the discussion that you will be presenting in the 3 body paragraphs. part of the requirement for the opening summary is an identification of the information that you will be discussing. Assuming that the reader will not have any access to the illustration, since you are writing a report about the images you were presented, then the information to be presented in the first paragraph are as follows:  
  
1. Type of image or images presented  
2. Measurements used  
3. Measurement representations  
4. Discussion purpose  
5. Trending statement  
  
The 5 subjects listed above can be mentioned in the essay in no particular order. Let me show a sample of how I would have presented these information for a more effective opening summary:  
  
*This analytical report will deal with the measurements representing 2 surveys regarding the living arrangements of 25 year old people in London during the years 1190 and 2010. A comparison analysis of the pie charts will be done representing those whose residential status is either alone or shared in a house, flat, or with parents. A chart has also been provided to compare the available housing in the same area starting from the 1190's - 2010 onwards. These are measured as 1-2 and 3-4 bedroom houses.  
  
There are 2 trends to be derived from the presented measurements. For the 25 year old's residing in London, the 1990's and 2010's showed that more of them lived alone in flats. As for the available housing, both the 1990's and 2010's showed that more people lived in 3-4 bedroom homes.*  
  
The main problem with your writing is that you are still in Task 2 writing mode. Meaning you are trying to create an opinion and discuss it within the essay instead of simply reporting the facts as they come from the images provided. That is why you are finding it difficult to create the Task 1 essay. This is actually the simplest essay to write because all of the information you need to present and how it should be presented is given to you in the instructions. You just have to take the obvious data and present it in this instance.  
  
I hope my example above can help you develop a better writing style for yourself with your next essay. I do not feel a need to score this essay for now because you did not do a good job at it and I want to give you a chance to show me your actual Task 1 writing abilities now that you have an example of how to write this essay.  
  
Remember, the summary tells you how to write the body. That is the only guide you will need. The instructions already tell you what information to report about based on the images. Just write about what you see, don't try to form an opinion, but you can analyze the information for comparison purposes when such things can be done.
Nechee, this is a very timely piece of writing here. Your personal insight into the life of a police officer and what the job entails is enlightening and allows us to see the job from the other side. I wish you had included some insight into how police officers handle the current refusal of service and pigs in a blanket scenarios. Being on the inside, it would have been a learning experience for the reader to learn how the police officers feel and what they think about the ongoing harassment of police officers. Even without those parts though, this is one essay that you must be extremely proud to have written.  
  
Aside from some grammatical errors that any word processing program can detect and automatically detect for you. I do not see any need to revise the content of your essay.  
  
However, I do not really see a personal response from you regarding whether you believe that saving someone else's life as a law enforcement official is worth it. I heard from every one else and even got a nice quote at the end, but I never did hear what you personally think about putting your life on the line everyday for complete strangers and their safety. Maybe you can still add a sentence or two that reflects your personal take on that question?  
  
Let me close by telling you something that I hope you hear everyday while you work to keep the community safe, "Thank you for your service."