dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***Some people think young people are not suitable for important positions in the government, while other people think it is a good idea for young people to take on these positions.***  
  
## Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

  
  
Some individuals believe it is benificial when young people participate in vital local authorities' works, however, others think that they do not have the qualities to handle those essential positions. In this essay, I will discuss both sides of the view and elucidate why I agree with the latter.  
  
It is understandable why many people contend that it is a good idea for the young to take on paramount roles in the governments. First and foremost, young people are more up-to-date the old people. This is because they were wean on cutting edge electronic devices since early stages of their life while the elderly were not. Hence, through online current affairs, they can get many important news and problem faster, therefore allocate government's resources to solve those issues quicker.  
  
However, I contend that young people should not take on those essential positions in local authorities. Firstly, the young are not as wise as the elderly. This is because old people experienced more ups and downs throughout their life then young people. Thus, they are packed with a host of skills and knowledge. So when nations facing problems, the young can come up with solutions faster but the elderly will provide sounder and more efficient ideas.  
  
In conclusion, while many people think that young people should take on paramount roles in the governments, I contend that the young should not have parts in those essentials positions. They should start with small works in the governments and slowly gain experiences and skills to prepare for higher roles in the furture.
When restating the topic, always seperate the 2 ideas by using 2 individual sentences. While using a compressed sentence, seperated by punctuation marks also works, the more effective and clearer paraphrasing can be better gained by individual sentences as this will allow for more word usage, which in turn allows the paragraph to meet the minimum 3 sentence requirement. There must not be a restatement of the discussion instructions. Rather, the author will recieve a better scoring consideration for a proper personal statement opinion and responding in the proper format. More importantly, the whole paragraph gets a better restatement score for using the correct representation format in the paragraph.  
  
I contend  
Too soon. This is a 3 reasoning paragraph essay. So that means there have to be 3 paragraphs representing each of the public opinion explanations, based on popular opinion prior to the presentation of the personal opinion that supports a clear public opinion with personal reasons. This essay shall receive a score based on an incomplete discussion format since the author opted to use a 3 paragraph rather than 2 reasoning paragraph format presentation. Why did it become a 3 paragraph presentation? The author clearly stated in the first paragraph that:  
  
I will discuss both sides of the view and elucidate why I agree with the latter.  
. Had a compare and contrast format been used for the discussion paragraphs, then a 2 reasoning paragraph format would have been acceptable.
While the points you make are quite good, I believe it can be presented in a better way. At times it felt you are using 'difficult' words, when your sentence structures don't really match up to that. Be consistent, it's completely fine to use simple langauge to get your point across. You also should utilise another paragraph to discuss the disadvangtes, your opinion could've been stated in the conclusion instead.  
  
As a whole piece of writing, it's good but you can definitely improve it in terms of readibility more.
***Computers are becoming essential part of education.***  
## Discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give your opinion

  
  
Education has evolved a great deal since the introduction of computers to the students. Computers have given a lot of benefits both for teachers and students but there are also drawbacks to be taken into account.  
  
Firstly, one benefit of providing computers in education is that students can access a lot of valuable information for their study. With the help of computers connecting to the internet, students can find useful information about their projects, assignments and also can take useful help from other researchers as they store and organize their research materials in computers. Secondly, professors in colleges and teachers in schools take help of audio-visual techniques to prepare lesson plans for children. For this, they use Microsoft PowerPoint to prepare electronic presentations about their lectures. It is an interesting and simple method for students to learn.  
  
On the other hand, one problem of computers is that they take a toll on the health of students who spend too much time on it. This is because the monitors of computers reflect rays that could not only directly impact the eyes of pupils and in turn affect their vision but also indirectly influence their education. Another possible issue is that when computers are used in schools, students might rely too heavily on the computer to correct spelling and grammatical errors because most computer word processing programs include a spelling and grammar check.  
  
In conclusion, while students can benefit from using computers, it can also influence their health and study.
Education has evolved a great deal since the introduction of computers to the students.  
Understood but incorrect. Your focus is on the improvement of education due to computers. The original topic refers to the essential need for computers in education. You accidentally reversed the discussion topic.  
  
Computers have given a lot of benefits  
but there are also drawbacks  
When instructed to discuss the A and D, present 2 topic sentences for each focus. That means that a thesis statement is a required scoring element.  
  
and give your opinion  
Why did you add an instruction to the prompt? The Advantage V. Disadvantage instruction uses a comparative discussion that never requires a personal opinion. Did you notice how you did not give a personal opinion in the restatement paragraph? That is because you consciously knew that the last instruction was not a part of the orginal presentation.  
  
Try to avoid using numerical ordinals when transitioning from one related topic to the next. While numerical counts will recieve scores, the use of advanced transition pleases or sentences help to better boost certain scoring elements in relation to cohesiveness and grammar scoring.  
  
The conclusion is too brief. It lacks the 40 word minimum reference as represented by the discussion summary paraphrase. Always recap the previous points individually, over 5 sentences in the last paragraph.
## IELTS WRITING TASK 2 (LIFE EXPECTANCY)

  
  
In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing and there are a large number of people above the age of 65. What problems do these people usually face?  
  
Suggest some ways that the government can help people to better prepare for their old age  
  
It has become apparent in recent years that ageing population is becoming a serious issue. In this essay, the problems these elderly people are facing will be considered and some practical solutions will be outlined.  
  
To begin with, it is conceivable that elderly people do not have as steady a budget as middle-aged ones. If the elderly do not have children or their children cannot afford their expenses, the elderly at that time have no choice but to count on the pension benefits provided by the government as soon as they retire. In some developed countries, the old people still manage to live on their retirement benefits, whereas in developing countries, this could be a serious problem. For the reason that developing countries have to take care of different aspects within their limited budget, these countries probably cannot guarantee that every senior citizen receives sufficient pensions. As a consequence, the elderly's living standards are in decline and they may not be able to fend for themselves. One possible approach to alleviating this problem is that the government should encourage the young and middle-aged people to take a small amount from their every-month salaries and save it in the bank. Upon doing this, in the future, as they get older, they are bound to have enough money to live on their own.  
  
Moreover, as people age, they are more susceptible to age-related health issues. It is noticeable that people over the age of 65 are more prone to diseases such as cancer and diabetes mellitus. If the elderly do not take immediate action, these diseases will get worse and cause death. Since the elderly do not have enough money, they would rather stay at home than go to the hospital and medical clinic for treatment because healthcare could cost a fortune. One measure that could be taken to address this problem is to spur people to exercise from a young age and have a healthy diet. In a 2018 study, an international group of researchers led by scientists found that having a healthy diet and exercising at a moderate level could extend life expectancy by 14 years for women and by 12 years for men.  
  
To summarize, as people age, if they do not take good precautions, they will encounter loads of problems. To prevent these problems from happening, we should start taking actions by gradually saving money from our earnings, having a healthy balanced diet and taking exercises.
The prompt restatement is incomplete. The age of the elderly citizen must be mentioned in a new way as this is an integral part of the original topic information. It is not just a general elderly scenario. Additionally, there must be direct topic responses in terms of the connected problems these rapidly aging population pose and, 2 solutions that may be considered by the government. The solutions must be related in topic to the problem topics indicated.  
  
Your discussion style tends to be confusing to read as it flows away from the prescribed discussion topic most of the time. A focus on the problem and government solution is needed in a more precise paragraph. You only need 5 sentences to complete each topic paragraph presentation. A fully developed discussion paragraph will present:  
  
- The problem  
- Why it is a problem  
- Sugggested government solution  
- Why the solution will work  
  
The discussions you present are too busy and not fully relevant to the government responsibility aspect. The presentation of information does not consistently show a government solution based on their responsibility. Rather, it encourages personal solutions, removing the responsibility of the government, which is the basis of the solution discussion. The essay cannot get a passing score since the solution discussion is not in accordance with the discussion instructions.
I'll be taking the exam in 2 weeks. Please leave some feedback; I'd appreciate it!  
  
## ***Scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the governments rather than private companies.Do you agree or disagree?***

  
  
It is argued that the governments should be responsible for conducting scientific studies instead of private companies. To a certain extent, I think private companies are capable of carrying out their own investigation. However, I agree that it could be more beneficial if the states are in charge of organizing those research.  
  
From a business perspective, private companies have more motivation to invest in their research. They need evidence to show that their products or interventions could bring out the desired effects. The significant results from the company's findings could be the selling points of their products, which bring great profits for the company. As a result, private companies could gather a large amount of data, but they could also manipulate the data to benefit themselves. For example, a pharmaceutical company studying the effectiveness of the newly invented drug would never want to disseminate the results of their study if that drug does not work. They could possibly adjust the findings to make them more favorable.  
  
As there is a considerable risk of bias from private companies' research, I think the data quality could be better assured if the governments initiate those research. The states have fewer conflicts of interest that individual company. However, the governments have many focuses including economics, society, health, environment and more. If the research interest is not within the authorities' top priorities, it would take a long time for the research proposal to be approved and implemented. But once the researches are conducted, the findings will bring great benefits for the community and will help to inform the development of policy.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that government-sponsored scientific studies, rather than those conducted by private companies, can better ensure the quality of evidence and better inform policy-makers.
To a certain extent,  
However, I agree that  
You have provided a response sentence for 2 different discussion prompts in the task 2 essay. The former, is for the extent essay prompt. The latter, is the one that applies to this essay, without the "However" part. Kindly familiarize yourself with the response formats for each prompt type. You will lose points in this case because, by providing 2 thesis responses, you are telling the reviewer, quite clearly, that you did not understand the question and, are not sure about how to respond to the question. Hence, a failing score will have to be provided.  
  
It is argued that  
Please note that there is no argument or discussion provided in this essay so the word choice is incorrect. There is a single idea presented in the original topic which, should have been presented as a thought to the examiner, in order to follow the correct prompt restatement format. By arguing, you are again, showing incorrect interpretations and an additional deduction source for the LR section due to incorrect word usage.
## the tendency to online education

  
  
Nowadays, there is a likelihood that people prefer choosing to study online than taking part in traditional classroom learning.  
On the one hand, participating in online courses could bring about many sustainable advantages. The positive aspect of studying online is online ones offer a more flexible time to study. Students can schedule the time that suits for their schedule to learn, which means that they can handle study around other responsibilities, and study every time they want. Another positive effect of virtual classes is students can finalize their course from other comfort spaces instead of having to go to school or extra classes. This will minimize the cost of commuting while also reducing the financial burden on parents.  
  
On the other hand, online classes certainly have numerous disadvantages associated with them. To start with, one of the most indispensable things about traditional classes is the better interaction between teacher and student. Online schooling will lead to limit the social interaction between fellows and teachers. As a result, lack of interaction and competition will lead to the situation that to loss of motivation, easy boredom. In addition, if students spend too much time sticking their eyes on a screen, they will get some diseases like obesity, headache, or backache... Another consequence of studying online is students easily lose contraction because there are several attractive things such as phones or computer games. At the same time, teachers cannot control what they are doing during the lesson, which causes ineffective lessons.  
  
In conclusion, after analyzing both sides of the argument it is not hard to see that traditional learning and online learning have their merits and demerits. However, studying online can bring about some drawbacks, I firmly believe that regular classes can bring more benefits.
The essay clearly missing the prompt restatement + personal opinion paragraph. This is the first paragraph that is presented in the essay that covers the self-explanatory presentation. Any essay that is missing this paragraph will automatically receive a failing preliminary assessment score. That is because the writer showed that he is not knowledgable about how English response papers are written. The response paper being a basic and vital part of an English based college curriculum.  
  
Due to the incorrect formatting of the paragraphs, the essay cannot be awarded a passing score, even with the excessive number of words written. That is because the required paragraph representations are lacking or misdirected. When a whole paragraph is extreme importance to the presentation is missing, the examiner will not have a choice but to lower the overall marks for task requirement. It cannot be awarded a passing score.
Topic:  
## The pie chart below shows information about where coffee is produced, consumed and where is profit goes

  
  
The pie charts illustrate coffee production and consumption in different nations as well as places coffee's revenues are contributed to.  
  
Overall, while South America hold the greatest coffee production ratio, the main consumer is Central America. In addition, shippers enjoy the highest profit from coffee.  
  
In term of production, South America's proportion dominates over that of the rest with 44%, followed by Africa, Asia and Central America, whose ratio are 17%, 18% and 19% respectively, leaving Oceania behind with the rate of 2%.  
  
As for coffee consumption, Central America is the major consumer, taking over more than a half of the pie. Whereas Japan consume rate is the lowest, at 7%. Asia ranked second in utilizing coffee with 27% and 11% is that of South America.  
  
Regarding revenue generated from coffee, shippers benefit greatly from it, occupies 55% of the total profit five times that of producer with 11%. Standing at the second place is seller with 27% of profit being generated form coffee products, nearly 4 times that of explorer.  
  
*
For the summary information, try to use specifics for the pie charts. At least mention how many pie charts are involved so that when you mention the information per chart, the reader will have a better idea of how to apply the pie chart information in relation to individual data. The trending paragraph is acceptable since it focuses on a major part of each pie chart. It shows the flow of the images in terms of information dominance.  
  
The main problem in the presentation is the lack of properly developed simple and complex sentences in the paragraphs. The ideas are mostly presented as run-on or compressed sentences, instead of following a proper compare and contrast format for the information, By dividing the ideas into related sentences in the remaining paragraphs, the report will be much clearer and be easier to follow for the reader. The grammar range and accuracy score is limited in the overall presentation because of the run-on sentences.
## advantage and disadvantage of online communicating

  
  
Due to a myriad of ups and downs triggered by the pandemic, it is not serpentine that virtual conversations be more likely to be popularized rather than direct communication in a wide range of companies. A ubiquitous though just arising question about whether this is a down-to-earth resolution for this circumstance will be. distinctively analyzed in this piece of writing.  
  
When it comes to the efficiency, online communication is indeed by far the best approach during quarantine time, in which an eclectic mix of companies are put on the back burner. This enables workers seemingly have more freedom to speak rather than that when they have face to face conversations, which results in the diversity of ideas and enterprises contributed by the staff. It is the case that some are distracted in the workplaces by nostalgia virtually the whole day, leading to not fully developed yield when compared to the boss's expectation. Thus, when working at home, no longer do they feel homesick, as a consequence, there is no hindrance, no ceiling, the sky's the limits.  
  
Yet, this idea has come in for a great deal of criticisms from the public with regards to security. Cyber-crimes are a ubiquitous phenomenon now in this modern context. Some confidential data thereby can be stolen, owing to the code crackers hired by the rival, or be leaked out, this has such unforeseen impacts on the company, perhaps the bankruptcy. Furthermore, what if the employees sit and stick their eyes on the laptop or phone screens day in day out? Health decline of course is the striking features in this aspect. Their eye's sights are shrinking dramatically. And the second nightmare which is insomnia is just bound to come in terms of meeting deadlines.  
  
Long story short, this thorny issue is a doubled-edged sword and quite dependent on the people's adaption as it has significant repercussions on ones' health if they do not get used to it well. But still, to certain extent, the upsides outweigh the downsides.
You just confused the examiner with your first paragraph statement. It looks like a dictionary vomited on the paragraph with your use of advanced English words which, rather than improving your score, will force a failure based on LR incapacities. It is easy to open a dictionary when you are practicing the test, and choose the most impressive sounding advanced English words to create your paragraph. Nothing wrong with that. The problem, is that the words you have chosen to use throughout the essay are nothing more than a misguided attempt to impress the examiner with a non-existent knowledge of advanced English language and word usage. The test is not about vocabulary usage, it is about how well you use basic, simple, everyday English words to compose an understandable English paragraph. When you use advanced words out of context, you fail to achieve that target. Write another essay, this time, do not use a dictionary when writing. Use your actual knowledge of basic or intermediate English words to express yourself. Then I will be able to properly assess your writing abilities and comprehension skills. Right now though, you have just failed the writing test.
## leaving home or city for better education or a job

  
  
One of the conspicuous trends of todays world is that people are migrating to other city to fulfill their requirement. There is a widespread worry about related to this situation. however, good things are always followed by bed things as well. In this essay I will going to prove my point.  
  
In this modern world many people are in hurry to grave their chance and for this they need to go out of their home place. There are many village or place where students can not found proper situation to study, so they need to go for other city. Further more, student get chance to learn many things like they will do each and every things themselves and it help them to become independence. To illustrate this, many students come in Kathmandu to study or to find job from village area and they need to search room themselves and job as well which give them experience about it.  
  
On the other hand, there are many people who leave their house for study or job may caught by bad people or bad company. There are other many pressure to leave in new place, which is hard to handle by teenager, so bad people can easily brainwash them. According to survey held by education department maximum percent of drug addicted people was comes from teenage people.  
  
In the view of the argument outline above, leaving home or city for getting higher education or in search of job will give many positive advantage whereas, there are number of people who get manipulated by bad company and forget their aim of life.