dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The TOEFL test does not require a prompt paraphrase so do not bother to paraphrase the original discussion. For the TOEFL essay, you can actually just make a reference to the original topic and then start an immediate discussion of your reasons in the first paragraph. You should really try to limit your writing to 3 paragraphs so that you can focus on polishing your content in terms of grammar and explanation so that you can get a higher overall scoring consideration based on the TOEFL scoring requirements.  
  
There is however, a standard requirement for both the TOEFL and IELTS tests. That requirement is that a full paragraph presentation must be made in the introduction and concluding paragraph. You need to have at least 3 sentences in those presentation paragraphs. The introduction should properly introduce the topic and your direct response. The next paragraph, explains your opinion. Then the conclusion should neatly wrap up the discussion you just presented.  
  
Please remember that the length of your essay, is not as a important as making sure that you have a clean essay for scoring. By a clean essay, that means, you properly edited your essay for spelling, grammar, clarity, and conciseness issues. All of these essays are evident in your presentation and will sadly, prove to be the reason why your final score will not be as impressive as it could have been.
Please review my Ielts essay. Thank you very much!  
***Some people believe that it is more important to teach children the literature of their own country than other countries.***  
## Do you agree or disagree?

  
  
In recent years, teaching literature for children is a topic of interest that often divides opinion. While many people claim that children should be taught the local literarture instead of foreign literature, I believe that both types of literature play a crucial role in educating children.  
  
On the one hand, national written works give learners a great deal of benefits. To begin with, learning locally written works would help children understand and treasure culture of their country. When students learn literature from local resources, they have the opportunity to become familiar with their own traditional, historical heriatges and national values which has been passed down from generation to generation. Take Thanh Giong, which is one of Vietnamese tales helps students know more about the period fight against foreign invaders. As a result, they could natuarally develop a sense of national identity and patriotism as well as be aware of their own responsibilty in developing their country. Furthermore, learning local literarture helps children enrich their linguistic knowledge in using their mother tongue and gives children ways to use their own language such as articulation, flexibility in using the vocabulary as well as improve their social communication.  
  
On the other hand, studying foreign literature is also beneficial for students. Firstly, students will have a better overview of the world if they learn foreign literature and it brings students opportunities to exposure to cultures of other countries. For example, when reading The little Match-girl, the images of turkey, Christmas tree and candles bring students the image of atmosphere at Christmas night. Therefore, they would expand their horizons about exciting cultures all over the world. Secondly, it is an opportunity to prepare for children's ability to integrate into the outside world in order to avoid culture shock when studying and working with foreigners because it is necessary for children to develop in this era globalization.  
  
In conclusion, I firmly believe that it is necessary for children to learn both local and foreign literature that help them develop comprehensively.
Hello! This is your first essay but in my opinion, it's quite good. The essay shows that you have a logical thinking, the way you used phrase verbs and analysed your example is very clear.  
  
There are still some dictation mistakes you should notice and repeated words problem is obvious: from generation to generation=> from generation to another one. especially, when the words that were repeated are subjects, you completely alter the same meaning words such as they, it, the... or objects as them, her, him  
  
Furthermore, ... and gives **children** ways to use...
You did not respond to the question being asked. You changed the discussion requirements, resulting in a prompt deviation. You only have 2 choices in this essay. Either you agree or disagree. Since this is not an "extent" essay, you cannot use a middle ground response. You can only choose between the provided response choices. The clarity of your opinion will be based upon how well you explain your support of one of the given discussion responses. When you do a comparative essay response where none is required, your essay will not deliver a response related to the given discussion. That could result in a lower than expected score for your essay.
## parents should teach children how to be good members of society

  
  
It is considered by some people that parents should take responsibility for educating their children ways to be good citizens; while others believe that school is the best place to learn social values. In my opinion, both parents and teachers have an important part in raising good children.  
  
On the one hand, it is undeniable that father and mother are the primary mentors of children. From birth to preschool, children are usually under sole cusdoty of their parents. A lot of recent studies have shown that a child learns family values unconsciously by observing his or her parents' actions. If parents behave well, children will behave well and the opposite is also true. In addition, when children are taught a concept of good by their parents, they are unlikely to go astray when growing up. Therefore, parents should be obligated to develop their children's behaviors.  
  
On the other hand, school is where children spend more of their time in later stages. When in school, they have to follow the rules and the regulations set by the school in order to lead a disciplined life both inside and outside the school vicinity. School brings students not only academic knowledge but also life lessons which make them well-rounded individuals. It is beneficial for them to learn how to co-operate with their peers and teachers and cope with situations, which would lead to their considerable contributions to the community in the future.  
  
In conclusion, I think either parents or educators are responsible for improving young people's characteristics to be valuable members of society. Although their roles are different, they are complementary to each other in educating children to be the most desirable characters of the social system.
The instruction for this essay is to discuss both public points of view, based on commonly used reasons, and then present your point of view based on the public discussion. What I see in this essay is a general discussion of both points of view, but no personal opinion on your part. It appears that you forgot to add it towards the end of the public discussion or, as a stand alone paragraph within the essay. So the presentation becomes incomplete and only partially correct in the discussion approach. The essay will only be partially scored due to the lack of clarity with regards to the points of view discussion. You gave your personal point of view at the end of the paraphrase, but failed to illustrate the differences in the actual discussion paragraphs. That is what posed the confusion within your discussion presentation.
***It is a common aspiration among many young people to run their own business, rather than work for an employer.***  
## Do you think the advantages of working for yourself outweigh the drawbacks?

  
  
Nowadays many young people seem to have aspiration after running their own business instead of working for a company. This essay strongly believes the advantages of working for yourself can't not outweigh its drawbacks because if they don't have enough experience, they won't be able to conflict with risks and challenges.  
  
One of the prime evidences supporting my idea is the lack of experiences of youngsters. Clearly, being an entrepreneur requires a lot of tactics and personal skill to either confront problems or develop their company and obviously, those, who haven't worked anywhere, don't have this ability. For instance, working for a period of time for a company firstly will help pupils not only learn managing skills from their bosses, get used to the pressures but also comprehend multiple knowledges in a specific domain. Therefore, there will be fewer risks and un-wanted circumstances when they decide to be self-employment.  
  
Although, running an entrepreneur gives them the opportunities to do whatever they want and also create a sense of autonomy rather than following rules, this may cause severe damages. Solemnly, they may be involved in to rivalry with other associations with no capability to compete against due to not having enough competence for facing burden and a wide vision. For example, in Vietnam, there are a vast number of people who want to be affluence by opening coffee shops, restaurants or buying stocks, but apparently, majorities of them have gone down the drain or even failed at the last hurdle just because they can't excel their opponents.  
  
To conclude, running a private company brings lots of dangers and uncertain potentialities. In spite of giving you independence and large amount of income, it could make you be insolvent and indigent. Ergo, it is encouraged for youngsters to contemplate gravely before venturing on staring up.
Please review my Toefl essay. Thank you!  
  
## ***DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH THE FOLLOWING STATEMENT?***

  
Life today is easier and more comfortable than it was when your grandparents were children.  
  
The growing speed of innovation and development of modern technology has made human life easier in many ways. Therefore, I believe that life today is much more accessible and comfortable in comparison to the past. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following paragraphs.  
  
Firstly, medical improvements enabled humans to combat harmful viruses as well as fatal diseases, saving thousands of lives. This was almost impossible when our grandparents were kids. Back in the old days, people have limited ways to achieve optimum treatment, and thus they are prone to life-threatening diseases. However, today, we have more chance to shed light on illnesses. thanks to the advancement in technology, modern devices and machines can aid in treatment and surgeries, keeping people alive for much longer. As human life expectancy is increasing by the day, older people now can spend more time with their families and fully enjoy their lives.  
  
Secondly, technology also has a positive impact on our lives. The invention of electronic devices such as computers, smartphones, tablets and so on has contributed to enhancing communication between people. In this digital age, we can stay at home and still be able to exchange information with others through the Internet. Take my own experience as an example, one time I and my classmate were assigned to work on a project regarding global warming in a geography class. We needed to complete this assignment within a week, which is a short period of time. At first, we find it extremely difficult to work together as our homes are way too far from each other to have a face-to-face meeting. In addition, our schedules conflict, I am busy during the day and only have time in the evening, but she is not available at that time as she worked the night shift for a coffee shop in town. Nevertheless, we eventually manage to successfully finish our projects by discussing and sending messages and through emails and social media. It was highly effective and convenient because all we need is a computer with access to the internet.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that life today has been greatly improved compared to the days our grandparents were children. This is because modern technology has increased people's life expectancy and enhance communication between people.
Hi, I would like to give you some comments.  
Firstly, in term of grammar, I think you have a problem while using relative clause: "I feel this way for two reasons, which I will ..." there should not be a comma before "which" just because it was used for "two reasons", not for the whole clause. (can you check it, please?)  
  
At the second paragraph, your example would be more suitable and convinced if you put a comparison to the past, even an imagination. I just feel a lack of something.
This is a TOEFL essay. It is totally different from the IELTS essay. You need not take great pains to separate your restatement from your reasoning sentence. In fact, you can write only 3 paragraphs for this essay and end up with a well developed presentation. There is something you have to be sure of when you write the introduction paragraph though. Make sure you directly answer the question. In your current presentation, you already deliver a reason for your response, but you failed to actually say "I disagree with the statement because..." Once you state your disagreement, include the 2 reasons for it to lay the foundation for the succeeding discussions. You need to mention the keywords in the original presentation in a synonym form. Therefore, grandparents = kinsperson, clansperson, previous family generation, or any variation thereof. You also do not offer a restatement of the comparison between the past and current life as indicated in the original prompt. You did not do a very good job at the original topic reference. Try to provide a closer restatement next time.  
  
The first reasoning paragraph has nothing to do with comfort and ease of life. That should not have been included in the discussion as it refers to health issues and how it was treated in the past. We are talking about creature comforts here. Cinema sized TV sets, game consoles, microwaves, induction stoves, things that make everyday life easier and more enjoyable would have been the more proper focus.
***TOPIC: some people believe that team sports are very important for children to succeed in their career, others disagree.***  
## Discuss both views and give your opinion.

  
  
ANSWER  
Nowadays,team sports are a prevailing problem all over the world. Some think that team sports are crucial for the success of children in their career. Meanwhile, other people disagree. I think both opinions have several reasons. This essay will explain them.  
  
On the one hand, team sports are a suitable way to approach thinking skills of children which relate to the success of their career. Team sports support and inspire a deeper knowledge about thinking skills and logical strategies.Therefore, children can bring things which they learn in their team as meaningful experiences in order to achieve their goal. It is obvious that Vietnamese government always encourage children to participate in team sports which help children strengthen the development of thinking skills which are acquired their success. Children have many chances to have a bright future.  
  
However, apart from the benefits of team sports, this have some disadvantage which parents wanna prevent. It is true that Children are not old enough to handle severe problem in their team. Team sports do not always have a cooperation and harmony among members. Therefore, It leads to the competition and discussion of team. Moreover, most children can spend time-consuming task and filter out ideas on their thinking skill to apply for the success of their career. For example, Vietnamese scientists investigated a football team that most member who are children gain a bit experiences and misunderstand together without the guidance of adult.  
  
In conclusion, team sports play important role for the knowledge which serve the success of children in their career. However, this way have some drawback for them.
You introduction paraphrase is not exactly accurate, it does not convey the same meaning. Try to paraphrase the question statement for example you could say: While team sports are considered by many to be imperative for better career prospects for children, others consider them to be insignificant.  
  
Your language seems inaccurate in developing you idea ... for instance ✘ approach thinking skills.. ✔ develop cognitive abilities  
You need to improve your idea development and mention more relevant and specific examples  
You need to show your opinion more clearly in the introduction and the conclusion
overall, your essay reached a proper length, however, I think that it has a structure problem. According to Holt (he gave me lots of comments and one of them might be reasonable right now), DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION means you need to interpret 2 sides of the issue in 2 body paragraph and then next to a paragraph that show off your idea. The 2 former paragraphs should be explained in the objective position.  
  
Moreover, I suggest you that after you give an example, you should conclude what you draw from it or at least try to make it clearer. I was confused when I read and try to understand your idea.
The discussion instructions are to compare the 2 public points of view, explain it to the reader, then offer a personal opinion in relation to each viewpoint. Your essay neither identifies a personal or public point of view in the presentation. Yes, there is an existing comparison, however, it is generalized in presentation. There are no clear demarcations between the public pronoun usage and the first person pronoun usage. Each of which is used to clarify the comparison discussion in every paragraph. Without it, the essay does not follow the proper discussion format nor does it present the points of view in a manner that is reflective of the discussion requirements.  
  
"Think" is a term that indicates you are not sure of the opinion you are presenting in the discussion. This means, you do not have a clear opinion to provide based on a personal point of view. Expect to lose points for your lack of clarity in that particular scoring consideration. The conclusion is problematic. It fails to reflect the previous discussion points and reiterate your personal point of view. It should have at least 3 sentences in it to properly reflect the required elements.
## pros and cons of social media

  
  
Some people argue that the flourishment of social media entails several repercussions on both individuals and society. In my opinion, besides the disadvantages this matter brings about, this may also be a positive trend.  
  
On the one hand, there are numerous reasons explaining why cyber space is not an ideal environment for users. Firstly, the existence of communication technologies may result in the isolation of people and exacerbate their communication skills in real life. As people become rely on social media, they have a proclivity of making online friends instead of going out to interact with real people and these virtual relationships has nothing to do with real friendship. Secondly, people may have a risk of losing personal information as they access these social websites on Internet. Taking Facebook as an example, a year ago, this most prevailing social networking site was accused of revealing a humongous number of users' profiles. The hackers may take revelation as an advantage to log in people's bank account and take money.  
  
On the other hand, it is irrefutable that cyber spaces brings about several merits to their users. Thanks to the social networking sites such as Facebook, Instagram or Twitter, people have an opportunity to connect with other peers from different regions. Business people regardless of geographical areas can interact and enter into a fruitful relation. Therefore, they have an ability to expand their market to foreign nations all around the world.  
  
In conclusion, despite a social network entails several demerits such as information insecurity and communication skill deterioration, it is still a platform worth using for its advantages of connecting people.
## investing in successful sportsmen, promising for future

  
  
Some governments spend a lot of public money training individuals to be successful in international sporting events. Some people believe that this money should be spent on things that will benefit the general public instead.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  
  
Many countries expend a tranche of their national budgets on training athletes to become strong nominees to win in different worldwide sports competitions. In my opinion, the benefits of these investments are eclipsed by the drawbacks in the sense that there are several priorities which this money should be spent on.  
  
Initially, winning international competitions does not reflect directly on the tax-payers who are supposedly paying these taxes for the improvement of health care and education. Squandering money on such an insignificant investment can be an unrealistic choice. For example, a country like Cameroon has many high-tier athletes in individual sports such as running nevertheless, their conditions are not improved due to this fact and it reflects insignificantly on their people.  
  
Obviously, health care and education quality which has a tremendous effect on people should be prioritized by the government. This will lead to better general public health and a highly educated generation that can contribute immensely to the development of the country and be in the core interests of their own people.  
  
Admittedly, investing in successful athletes can provide role models for the people to follow, however, this reason can not be enough to dedicate some of the public money to it.  
  
In conclusion, while many consider investing in successful sportsmen to be prudent, I believe that its advantages are overshadowed by the disadvantages. Having weighed the pros and cons, I am convinced that the public money should be spent on fields that directly affect the people and the quality of their lives such as health care and education.
You used a comparative essay response for this essay. You based your response on the advantage/disadvantage discussion presentation. That is a clear deviation from the original discussion prompt. The original discussion is asking you to present a measured response based upon the degree of your agreement or disagreement/ support or non-support of the given topic. Therefore, the essay failed to follow the required discussion format, resulting in a failed TA score on your part. Your discussion response does not deliver the correct / expected response presentation. So you cannot expect to receive a passing score for this essay. You clearly did not understand the discussion instruction. You did not represent the proper response format in the final section of the prompt restatement. The total approach you took to the discussion is incorrect. You may review the other extent essay samples here to better understand how you can approach this discussion and what other response formats are acceptable for this type of discussion.