dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The most obvious problem of the test taker emanates from the LR section. The writer is using the archaic term " millions" which has not been used in regular English writing since the 1800's. There are actually differences in writing the plural form of "million" in modern times. As a rule, S is not added in the following scenarios:  
  
- When following a definite number reference ( 1.5 million )  
- As a quantifier reference ( several million students )  
  
An S is only added at the end when a generic numerical reference is inferred ( millions of students ).  
  
The other grammar errors are minimal in nature, with the plural situation being the biggest concern as the error is repeated throughout the presentation. Not to worry though, the report remains highly understandable to the reader and provides the expected writing format.
Hi, I just want to give some feedback on your essay.  
1. In IELTS writing task 1, you should make your online as short and comprehensive as possible. (only one to two sentences to focus on the body).  
  
For example, in this graph, I will make a short outline like:  
- All countries have an upward trend except for Russia.  
- A reversed trend was seen in the beginning and ending of America and France. (or you can bring this to your body)  
2. In this sentence: **"... students studying abroad in America was nearly 1.5 millions, in comparison with France and Russia was 3.5 millions and 3 millions respectively"**  
In comparison with combines with a noun phrase, so combining with a clause seems inappropriate and the "millions" error is mentioned above.  
My recommendation is that you should replace "was" with "with" or add a connector.  
3. The word "whereas" you use is unusual. Its structure is "\_\_\_clause\_\_\_, whereas \_\_\_clause\_\_\_" (so using as an adverb sounds incorrect).  
4. The usage of "number" and "amount" is totally different and they are not interchangeable. Please be cautious!  
5. You overuse the word "number". It is not a good idea.  
  
There are also some mistakes that are minimal, so I won't talk about them. Hope this feedback will help you!
Percentage of cinema fans in the uk  
  
The graph below shows the percentage of people in the different age group who went to the cinema once a month in Great Britain.  
  
The line graph illustrates the proportion of people split by 4 age brackets who went to the theatre once a month in the UK from 1984 to 2000.  
  
Overall, there was an increase in the percentage of people going to the cinema, with the 15 to 24 age group witnessing the most dramatic rise. In addition, this group consistently were consistently the most frequent attendees of the cinema throughout the period.  
  
Approximately 18% of 15-24 years old people went to the cinema in 1984, with subsequent significant growth to around 55% in the next 5 years and reached a peak of nearly 60% in the last year of the period. Conversely, the figure for the 7-14 age group rose from 10% in the first year to around 38% in 1999, before declining moderately to just over 30% in 2000.  
  
The share of those aged 25 to 35 going to the cinema started at roughly 4%, after which it saw a gradual rise to 25% in the middle year of the period, before ending the period at the north of 30%. Meanwhile, the figure for the 35 and over age group increased from about 1% to 5% between 1984 and 1994 and kept rising to reach 15% in the final year.  
  
Please revise and correct my ielts task 1 essay. Thank you very much  
  
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There is a redundant word presentation in the essay that affects the clarity and GRA considerations. The word " consistently " was used twice in the same sentence. This error may be found in the second sentence of the trending presentation. This is a clear indicator that the writer did not even attempt to proofread the essay prior to submission. Most of the score lowering problems in this presentation are mostly correctable, had the writer just taken the time to do so.  
  
last year of the period  
- What periood is that ? Be specific by mentioning it since a" period" can refer to different time fframes. Vague references affect the C + C considerations.  
  
While all of the graphical data was used, the referencing in the paragraphs lack proper year indicators, leaving the reader with questions rather than answers. The writer falls short in terms of clear and informative paragraphs. Work less on the length, 175 words would be more than sufficient to get a passing score, provided the information clarity exists in the presentation.
## restoring or replacing old buildings?

  
  
In the present day, modern buildings are more popular than ever, because of that reason old buildings now have very little value. Some people begin to think that it is good to preserve old buildings whenever possible. Other people think that it is preferable to construct new buildings. Both ideas all have their advantages and disadvantages.  
  
In the first opinion, old buildings can be used for tourism, especially sightseeing. By exploring old structures we know more about our past, and it's also a good way to remind us about our culture. To illustrate, most of the results in many researches by historians, were found by investigating aged houses. At those places they figured out many vestiges about ancient generations. Thus, unmodern houses may not contain many stayable values but they have a lot of historical values. But besides that, they might waste too many places and money, which can be used to build modern buildings, the ones that really have physical values.  
  
On the other hand, the advantages of constructing new buildings is undeniable, they bring us a convenient, modern place. Present-day structures compare with earlier versions are more secure, steady and harder to decay. For instance, in the past the durability of old houses helped them be undestroyable by natural factors for 5 years, now a modern house can stand for 10 years. Contrasting with old buildings, new buildings have more physical use but less spiritual benefits.In the past, when globalization hadn't happened yet, every country had their own type of architecture, dissimilar features. But the world is different now, people always want the best version, so buildings are more and more similar. If we just focus on building new things, our traditional values will sink into oblivion over time.  
  
In conclusion, preserving old buildings have many immaterial meanings but nearly have no practical use and the benefits and drawbacks in constructing new buildings is converse. From my standpoint, whatever it is, conserving old things or building new things, the most important thing is we have to balance it, so that we not only can develop our architecture, but also maintain our traditional culture.
From my standpoint, whatever ... our traditional culture.  
This is the response to the question provided for the discussion. It should be in the restatement + personal opinion paragraph first, then repeated in the summary conclusion. This is a clearer personal opinion statement when compared to the restatement and opinion entry. This creates a more academically formatted thesis statement.  
  
Vocabulary building is a must for this student. He must avoid making up English words. Terms such as " unmodern" do not exist in any English dictionary version. It will lower the vocabulary score for the exam taker.  
  
in the second paragraph, the explanation suddenly changes from the value of old buildings to a reason why it should be torn down. This is an unexpected turn that reduced the clarity of that sentence. Unrelated points must be transitioned into and discussed in a seperate paragraph to preserve coherence in the discussion.  
  
The essay is actually proof of academic discussion skills on the part of the exam taker. Further improvement is required in specific sections to further boost his score in specific areas.
I just want to point out some problems (maybe not too serious) that you have made.  
1. You shouldn't use the short form of any words. (Ex: is not --> isn't). It makes your essay less academic.  
2. I just realized in most of the sample writing that some examiners really enjoy using a pair of "on the one hand" and "on the other hand". Therefore, it may not a good idea to use only "on the other hand".  
  
3. It seems like your essay is lack of some linking words in some sentences.  
Ex 1: the advantages of..., they bring us ... (you connect two clauses without connectors)  
Ex 2: ... by natural factors for 5 years, now a modern house ...(where is the connector?)  
4. Research is an uncountable noun, so using it as a countable one is inappropriate.  
5. You shouldn't overuse some words (ex: conserve). There are some alternatives that are interchangeable. And don't be confused between "conserve" and "preserve". They have the same meaning but their usage is totally different.  
  
Hope these pieces of advice will help you.
## THE ADVANTAGES AND DISAVANTAGES OF LIVING IN A MODERN WORLD

  
  
People born in the late past century has experienced a lot of social and technological changes, some might enjoy living in such today's modern era while others want to return to the simpler and less automated life of the past. Living in the modern world has certain advantages such as a high living standard or a variety of entertainments, but it also has some disadvantages, for examples, environment pollution and the weakening of human relationship.  
  
First of all, with the invention of electricity and computers, a great number of machines, devices, and appliances have been created to furnish people's lives. Housewives spends a shorter amount of time to do chores or prepare meals since they have vacuum cleaners, washing machines, instant pots and so on. Also, people working in different parts of the world can make use of various apps for online meetings, instead of traveling. Young people can have quick access to any music and movie platforms like Youtube or Netflix so as to enjoy their favourite pieces at any place, at any time.  
  
In spite of these benefits, the modern life copes with negatively environmental impacts due to the development of economics. As a matter of fact, big cities around the world are in need solutions to prevent toxic chemicals and polluted air from affecting the public health. Does not only the technology bring convenience to humans but also causes the loss of social interaction. It is usually seen that people keep looking at their mobile phones, spending too much time with computers without direct contact to one another. As a result, there are complaints that they do not have real friends or their families do not understand them.  
  
In conclusion, the modern world comes with both positive and negative outcomes. Learning all these points help us find a way to balance a physically and mentally healthy life.
The writer uses a unique hook that does not stray too much from the original. It still managed to stick to the original discussion points. The student tends to use redundancies though which affect the vocabulary score (e.g. late past). Over-emphasis is acceptable provided redundancies are avoided in the presentation.  
  
The over-generalization and lack of specific discussion focus does not provide the necessary discussion analysis and opinion presentation abilities of the student. Merely stating conveniences and inconveniences as an enumerated list does not satisfy the reasoning, supporting example, and opinion requirements of the task. The lack of clear support and developed discussion will adversely affect the final score.  
  
Having a long essay that goes over 300 words presents potential failing reasons:  
- Discussion deviations  
- Misdirected discussion focus in relation to the topic  
- Under developed reasoning  
- LR and GRA errors that remain uncorrected  
- Lack of discussion clarity  
  
All these errors are present in this essay.
**IELTS TASK 2:  
*Experts believe that it is better for children to study foreign language in primary school rather than secondary school.*  
## Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantage?.**  
  
Recently, more emphasis has been put on when to commence teaching foreign language to children. To this end, many experts opine that it is better for children to learn foreign language during primary school's education program rather than secondary schools. While learning other languages in primary school has a certain drawbacks, I believe the benefits of this practice are more significant.  
  
Granted, students in primary level education are studying a plethora of different curriculums and placing another challenging subject such as foreign language into their daily routines could irrefutably be detrimental to their educational progress. In order to mature, a child needs to balance between recreational activities and educational programs. Implementing foreign languages will substitute children's playtime, subsequently, it will leave an adverse bearing to this new generation . Mexican children perfectly epitomizes this phenomenon, the majority of Mexican's children are usually forced to learn both English and Mexican at a young age in order to facilitate the process of attaining a job in the neighbor country, America. Without a proper childhood, these children often lack sympathy and common sense, thus leading to a life of perpetual menial works and almost no social connection.  
  
However, the aforementioned point cannot neglect the overall benefit that early language nurture entails. Young children are more inclined to adapt with a new language once they are taught. This phenomenon has been verified by scientists throughout the world. As the brain develops, informations and knowledge are easily acquired, therefore languages can be learnt insouciantly among the children. According to a recent study by the Peking University, children who commenced foreign language learning around the age range of 11 to 15 shown superiority in English compared to those who only started in their adulthood. Furthermore, the ability to fluently speak two languages are valued by international conglomerate, therefore starting at a young age is recommended.  
  
In conclusion, taking in another language during primary school can overwhelm students and negatively impacts their adulthood, yet the ability to adapt to the language quickly and job prospects are far more important.  
  
I'm trying to attain band 7.5 in Writing, please give me your feedbacks, i would appreciate it a lot!.
The writer needs to understand that using advanced English words that do not lend itself to everyday conversation does not help to increase the overall score. A task 2 essay is approached from an easy to read and understand reference point. Aim to explain to the everyday reader, not an academic or professional audience. Specialized writing in terms of terminology is (sometimes) used in Task 1 essays only as that is the essay that specifies an audience and field related terms. Do not overcomplicate the task 2 presentation. That is when the score tends to suffer the most.  
  
A better analysis of the topic presentation is required. The focus is on language learning in a classroom setting. A child's playtime is not relevant to the discussion. Inclusion of researched information with mention of the source does not mean it is public knowledge.That means it was researched. Made up information is acceptable and should be referred to without sources to stay within the discussion guidelines.  
  
The discussion presented is strong and shows a knowledge of current events. The writer must learn to use a natural sounding voice though rather than setting out to impress. Simplicity of discussion scores best because of the focus on discussion quality and ease of presentation.
## ***The diagram shows the evolution of the horse with particular emphasis on the changing of foot structure***

  
  
The diagram indicates the evolution of the horse, a mammal of the family Equidae, evolved from an Eohippus to the modern horse with reference to the changing of the foot structure.  
  
As can be seen from the diagram, changes in appearance and the internal bone structure were noticed in a 40-million-year period.  
  
Initially, the original version of the horse appeared 40 million years ago, called Eohippus, and can be recognized by its dog size and walked on four-toed feet. Eventually, in the next 10 million years, its size started to enlarge, the development of the mane was witnessed. During this stage, the fourth toe was completely disappeared, and the middle one became bigger. Finally, it evolved to Mesohippus.  
  
In the next 15-million-year period, the ancestor of modern Equus, Merychippus, continued to increase its size with the growth of thigh and the mane are more obvious; besides that, the reconstruction of bone shows that it had one more knuckle on each toe and the basic digital reduced while the middle became bigger, resembling into hooves. Over time, it had transformed into the horse we know today, with long finely mane, thick thighs, developed elbows, and ankle joints.  
  
Thank you for helping me!!!  
  
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The writer has an incorrect image identification in the summary paragraph. Rather than a diagram, a physical illustration was provided for analysis and reporting. A diagram is defined as a figure, usually consisting of a line drawing, made to accompany and illustrate a geometrical theorem, mathematical demonstration. A physical illustration though is based on the rootword "illustrates"," meaning to furnish (a book, magazine, etc.) with drawings, pictures, or other artwork intended for explanation, elucidation, or adornment. Correct word usage is critical to the LR and TA score in this task. The reference words used must be precise. Never use the description or image name in the original presentation. That is part of the vocabulary and analysis test. The rest of the descriptive presentation is acceptable and falls under scoring considerations and should recieve satisfactory scores.
***Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible.***  
  
## Do you think this is a positive or negative development? (IELTS writing task 2)

  
  
In the new era of globalization, whether working and studying away from home due to affordable and available technology is a positive or negative development remains controversial. In my perspective, I believe it plays a crucial role in the advancement of both students and office workers.  
  
To begin with, there is a bevy of advantages of working from home, including flexible working hours. Employees can decide their own working hours, which means they can work when they feel most productive. Additionally, remote employees can prepare for their own food every single day, which helps them eat fresh and healthy do not depend on food at their offices. For instance, a study confirmed that more than 42% of remote workers eat healthier when working at home.  
  
When regarding the benefits of remote students, the convenience of place is an obvious advantage due to its significant role in studying and grasping topics. Hence, students can choose and decorate their own studying rooms as long as they feel comfortable. Moreover, students can manage time to study and review classes effectively. Since virtual classes have a record function, students can record classes and revisit whenever they have doubts regarding to topics. To exemplify, students of a particular high school learning online with their teachers through Microsoft Teams, which allows people to record the classes.  
  
In conclusion, working and studying from home has a wide range of benefits for workers and students. While workers can get to work in their own rhythm and be healthier, students can study more effectively due to the convenience of place and time to study.  
  
Thank you so much!!!!!
"Is" refers to a third person indicative reference. Person refers to singular reference. The phrase " bevy of advantages" is in plural form and reference. " Is " should therefore be replaced with "are" which is a present indicative plural and more appropriate for use in this particular statement.  
  
I believe it plays a crucial role in the advancement of both students and office workers.  
Insert a variation of the word positive (positively believe) to attain the keyword reference synonym that would still keep the response clearly related to the response format expectation. Do the same in the concluding summary.  
  
Overall it is a good discussion. The reference points are easily understood even though some grammar issues can be found in the presentation. A review of pronoun usage guidelines should help the student gain a better score in the future.
***Parents of obese children should be punished for making them fat.***  
## Do you agree or disagree?

  
  
It is argued that parents ought to be heavily punished for prompting their offspring to be fat. This essay totally agrees with this statement. It is due to the fact that without parents' regulation in diet, obesity will occur in children, causing health issues in them and also prompting them to be obsessed with their appearance.  
  
Children being overweight is a consequence caused by parents' lack of control over their diet, and this will lead to many health problems happening to their body. To be more detailed, having too much fat than average may restrict their movement, resulting in lack of exercise. Therefore, children will get fatter and fatter until more serious illnesses occur. A dangerous and well-known of them could be Hyperlipidemia which is when a substantial amount of fat becomes a blockage in the artery. Patients with this disease may possess a high chance of stroke, heart attack and sometimes, the need for amputation would be the worst.  
  
Another noticeable consequence would be the shame about appearance that obese children have to undergo. It is obvious that having a round and corpulent shape is unpleasant and can sometimes bring trauma to the young patients. They may start to close themselves from the world, reduce the time to socialize and get stuck in this circumstance for a long period. Overtime, children who are traumatic may develop with a low self-esteem and it would be extremely hard to recover.  
  
To conclude, I believe that parents have to receive punishment for prompting their offspring's obese since health problems and shame about appearance may drag their children out of their bright future unless parents attempt to regulate their children diet.
The first reasoning paragraph is obviously researched and does not meet the public knowledge or personal insight into the topic. The examiner will identify this entry as such and not include it in the scoring consideration. Provided that the student will have access to exterior sites at the testing center which, he won't. The exam taker must be capable of logic and reasoning as a part of the C + C requirements. These 2 aspects do not require research. Personal observations will do.  
  
The writer fails to prove that obesity is the fault of the parents. There are no references to the action of the parents that can cause this. Evidence should be provided in relation to the parents decision making with regards to any of the following: food intake, choices, and lifestyle. The general reference used fails to consider genetics and congenital illnesses that do not relate to unhealthy lifestyle choices or parental neglect.