dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hi, I want to make some comments  
  
1. Becoming parents are biggest responsibility for keep their children ...  
You can use for + keeping or to + keep, to make good structure because it is going to be double verb  
  
2. One of working by parents teach ...  
maybe this is more suitable to make clear sentence  
One of parent's job is to teach their children to become ...  
  
3. ... school is one of place for children to get information ...  
You should add 'for' between place and children to make a connection  
  
Thank you
**Liberty moves north**  
  
It has been 2 decades since Canadian government happily admits immigrants. Even there are has been a proliferation of refugees more than 300,000 people a year, it is a trigger to welcomed more asylum-seekers which have reached 1% of its total population. It is a higher proportion than any other big, rich countries such America or Britain.  
  
There are two predominant reasons supporting Canadian's successful. Firstly, they not only invite them to come but helping them find employment and housing. They believe that "multicultural heritage" is beneficial aspects of creating prosperity and peaceful. Not every country is able to follow what Canada does since it pertains to the security system. Secondly, educate citizens to understand the financial issue. Canada has been managing its public finances conservatively and its prime minister has created a regulation to give a tax cut to the middle level and attain more and increased the higher tax to help for it.
... 300,000 people a year, it is a trigger to welcomed more asylum-seekers which have reached 1% of its total population.comparative==> so you need compare this with another else It is ~~a~~ THE higher proportion than any other big, THErich countries such ...  
  
RICH==> refer to certain group, so article "The" is needed  
... invite them to come but ALSO helping them find employment and housing [NOT ONLY ==> BUT ALSO].  
... understand the financial issue citizen education propose to understand the financial issue .
Hello, i will give you suggestion:  
Please check your tense using:  
Even there are ~~has been~~ a proliferation of refugees ...  
... proportion than any other ~~big~~ , rich countries ...  
  
... to follow what Canada does since it pertains to the security system .....>>> make it clear, reader will confuse to read your essay . Secondly, ~~educate citizens to understand ...~~The citizens will understand about the financial issue .
The proportion of citizen Bulgaria who wanted to immigrate based on the education level in three periods is provided by the graph. Overall it can be seen that the people who have middle education level showed the highest proportion in all periods. Besides, intelligence people and poor education persons have quite similar number in 2002 and 2006.  
  
First of all, the number of higher education people in 2002 was higher than two years later. Whereas, in 2008 it just has percentage about 9%.  
On the other hand, people who just study until secondary level of education and want to live in other country showed the lowest proportion in 2008. Even though, it just has a slight difference to the proportion in two years before.  
  
Meanwhile, percentage of citizen country who has the poorest education level and wants to live abroad in 2006 was 19%. It is quite higher than proportion in 2002, and lower than in the last period.  
  
*
Hello pramudia27. i think your essay is pretty good. but let me give you some suggestions.  
i like your writing style. i can understand easily and know the information about the graph with your explanation. but i think it too short. i know that it have qualified of the minimum words (at least 150 words), but be careful of your essay length, better you write more.  
  
1. The proportion of *citizen Bulgaria* who wanted to...  
i think you have to change--> Bulgarian citizen  
  
2. Whereas, in 2008 it just has percentage about 9%.  
numbers up to ten---> you should write as words (nine, five)  
numbers over ten ---> you should write as figures (2002/ 19 etc)  
percentage---> The percentage  
  
3. Meanwhile, the percentage of citizen country...  
  
i hope it will be useful
**Restricting air travel is the ony way to prevent air pollution.  
Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
In the modern era, demanding of aviation company increases dramaticaly. Some expert believe that this circumtance has to stop, because aviation makes lavish number of exhaust fumes. Personally i argue with this statement because there are several other condition that provide bad impact.  
  
According to some research, some people suggest to do not use air plane if we want to make a travel plan. It is because the research provides information that fumes of aviation can convey drawbacks for pollution. In addition, to make one flight, plane have to use lavish number of fuels. As we know, using a lot of fuels can increase global warming causes. It makes some people thinking to push the authority to make a policy which can stop flight permission.  
  
However, plane is just only one of several air pollution problems. One thing that always spring in mind is the result of World Health Organization (WHO) reseach which describes that emission of car is the predominant factor of air pollution. Taking Jakarta as an example, the air condition in Jakarta is totally bad, it is because the number of vehicles. Deforestation is also the big cause of global warming. Cutting trees in large area can vanish one main element in our earth that can produce oxygen. As i was illustrated above that not only air plane but also fumes of vehicles and deforestation are the cause of global warming.  
  
To conclude, making a rule to stop the aviation is a bad sollution. It is because there are lavish number of other problems that give demerit effect to our environment.
aloha @Mathew88  
  
overall, your essay has unclear idea. Therefore, I, as a reader, cannot fully understand what you want to explore on your essay. I suggest you to make a plan such as using brain-storming before writing an essay. There are many benefits in using brainstorming;  
  
(1) Collects Different Viewpoints  
(2) Encourages Critical Thinking  
(3) Gets You Out of Your Head  
In short, please try to use brainstorming. You can ask your tutor how to use brainstorming effectively...  
thank you, I hope it can be helpful
**Restricting air travel to prevent the air pollution? Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Nowadays, in globalization era, air transportations make long distance between one country to others become a short distance and time. Personally, I strongly disagree that in order to prevent the air pollution, we have to restrict the air travel because of several considerations.  
  
To begin, there is no doubt that air travel takes a part of responsibility to make the air pollution. This is for the reason that recently, there are huge number of air flight in a day in each country that utilize the fuel fossil, a pre-dominant material that causes the air pollution. For example, the data from Ministry of Transportation reveal that in Indonesia, every five minutes there is a air flight schedule, it can be seen that air travel also has big responsibility to create the air pollution with their massive number. As a result, the increasing of air flight in this cutting-edge era influence the increasing of the air pollution.  
  
However, air travels have several benefits in human life. Firstly, air travel can accommodate people to different area even to different country to go their destination. This means that people in this modern era have various necessity like family gathering or business meeting in another place that only can be reached by using plane. Secondly, air travel also can be used to transport the daily needs from one country to others that can not be found in their own country, because not all of countries can produce their own daily needs so they have to buy and that needs can be sent by using air travel. Finally, air travel is not the biggest producer of air pollution. This is because, motorcycle has the biggest proportion to create the air pollution rather than the air travel so restricting the air travel to prevent the air pollution is not the suitable decision.  
  
To conclude, although air travel has responsibility to create the air pollution but personally, I strongly disagree that air travel is restricted in order to reduce the air pollution. I consider about the massive impacts from this issue to the world's economy condition.
Hi Sasariri, I want you obtain some suggestions from me  
  
here we go  
  
... distance between one country ~~to~~**and** others become a short distance ~~and~~**also** time.  
... pollution, we have ~~to~~ restrict the air travel ...  
  
make sure your essay with colocation, "between" should follow by "and"  
  
... in each country that ~~utilize~~utilizing the ~~fuel fossil~~**fossil fuel** , a ~~pre-dominant~~**predominant** material that causes ...  
... of Transportation reveal ~~that~~ in Indonesia, ~~every~~**in** five minutes there ...  
  
To conclude, **although** air travel has (...) air pollution **but** personally,  
  
**althoughand but are not all in one sentence.**  
  
note: keep writing and go ahead
**Restricting air travel is the only way to prevent air pollution.  
Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Currently, some people think that traveling by air transportation can decrease the number of air pollution on the earth. Personally, I agree with the statement that the air travel is the only way to prevent the air pollution.  
  
For some people around the world, traveling by the air transportation can help the earth to cut the number of pollution. This is because the most of the air pollution problems have come from gas dismissal from human's activities on the earth. For example, the gas emission from vehicles exhaust and deforestation are the main problems of air pollution. As a result, there is not enough fresh air for human to breathe on earth and they prefer to travel using the air craft so they can avoid the bad impact of air pollution. There is no doubt that traveling by air planes is the best choices for human to protect them from air pollution problems.  
  
However, it does not mean that this transportation is not pulling out their gas emission from their muffler. The air crafts also use fuel oil that can produce the emission of carbon dioxide and pull them to the atmosphere have a negative impact on human's respiratory system. This incident is not directly affected to human because there is a long distance from airplane tracks to human's life on earth. And the effect of this event may be perceived by human in the future. There is no doubt that using air transportation can make people free from the air pollution problems.  
  
All in all, I agree with the statement that aircraft can make human avoid the impact of air pollution on the earth. However, it does not mean the air crafts are not pulling out their gas emission to the air although the effect is not perceived directly to humans.
**Hi Goldie..  
These are my view of point about your essay. Meet my notes and deal with them.**  
  
some people think that traveling by air transportation can decrease the number of air pollution on the earth  
*It is really different with the statement. You cannot include an opposite statement for the introduction paragraph.*  
  
the air travel is the only way to prevent the air pollution.  
*Your score can fall down because you did not paraphrase the statement. This matter relates to lexical resources in band descriptors. Please, call your attention to paraphrasing.*  
  
For some people around the world, traveling by the air transportation can help the earth to cut the number of pollution.  
*You really want to explain like that. Make you sure that what you write is what you mind. I think traveling by the air transportation can increase the percentage of pollution, not reverse.*  
  
There is no doubt that using air transportation can make people free from the air pollution problems.  
This is the same case. I think you have got the point of the question. It is so far of the prompts give. You have explained out of the topic.  
  
Please, you rewrite this question.  
  
Note: I suggest you provide the time for 5-10 minutes to understand the question and conduct brainstorming.  
  
Keep writing  
GOOD LUCK  
:D
**Some people say that public libraries are an important public resource and should be free, others say that they are just a waste of public money.  
  
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.**  
  
## Keeping public libraries open

  
  
It is commonly believed that libraries are essential public places and therefore should be no charge for people when entering these locations while some argue they only squander public money. In my opinion, government should continue to spend money on public libraries so as to ensure the distribution of knowledge for all people.  
  
Opponents who assume funding public libraries are kind of wasting money because they only see few people coming to these places. For example, Aksara library, state-owned library located in south Jakarta, opens from Monday to Saturday at 10a.m - 5p.m. But, the average number of people who come is merely 40 to 60 per week, which is very few people coming. As a result, they believe that it does not give any significant impact and solely squanders government's money.  
  
However, I would argue public libraries must be preserved regardless whether or not they waste public money. The problem is not about squandering money, but how government improving the interest of reading due to the fact knowledge is rights for people. By preserving public libraries and improving reading interest, it will vouch the equality in education for all people and generate many well-educated people that will be useful for the future government or country itself. In addition, if government does not support public libraries, it maybe causes such places have to close and government keeps struggling with the same issue, which is educational equity.  
  
To sum up, I do not believe spending money on public libraries is a waste. Therefore, another measure, such as enhancing reading interest, should be implemented in order to create educated people. Keeping public libraries remain available to all is the most appropriate course of action to maintain rights of people in education.
A comparison of the information about the proportion of Bulgarians education levels who have plan to emigrate to overseas for three periods between 2002 and 2008 is shown in the bar chart. Overall, Bulgarian people who have secondary education level were the highest proportion during three years although it had downward trend. Meanwhile, Bulgarians with primary and lower education were increase gradually.  
  
The percentage of people in Bulgaria who have a higher education stood at 17%. There was a slight increase by 3% to 20% for this section in 2006. In contrast, it declined significantly in 2008 with small proportion only 9%.  
  
2002 experienced as the greatest percentage of secondary education level of Bulgaria inhabitants at 65%. Then, it decreased slightly to the lowest level at 59 % in 2008. People of Bulgaria who have primary and lower education level stood at 18% in 2002. Next, there was a slight rise to 19% in 2006. This section hit to the peak at 32% in 2008.  
  
*
Aloha Meireza  
  
(1) **"who have" looks common on your essay. You'd better say; "with"//"in"//"having" to change that phrase,** for example, Bulgarians education levels ~~who have~~having plan to emigrate // Bulgarian people ~~who have~~with secondary education level // people in Bulgaria ~~who have~~in a higher education  
  
(2) **overall, I do not find something you compared. Thus, it is like illustrate up and down of data.**  
(3) **be careful using "stood at" in bar chart because this phrase will be suitable if you mention it to explain line chart**  
  
I hope it can be helpful
**Some people say that in the modern world it is very difficult for people to have a healthy lifestyle. Others, however, say that it is easy for people to be healthy and fit if they want to be.**  
  
At present, a healthy life style have become precious thing for most of people. It is too difficult to have a way of life which is healthy. Others argue it is so easy for society if they want to be fit and health only if they want, it depends on their self.  
  
Work, obligation, and plenty of activities have made some people get health problem. For instance, worker who require to sit prolonged time made them harder to get some exercise. In rush-hour time and deadline, they will choose sit all along day and do not have time to break for taking sport time. It makes some diseases follow them.  
  
However, there are many things that we can do to have a healthy life style by small activities. For example, get some walk before go to office, about 15 to 30 minutes. A researcher from Colombia University has discovered employee who obligated to work at desk all day can increase death risk but it can be eliminated by exercise or walking in earlier morning, in lunch time, or in dinner. If the distance of the workplace and the home is not really far, get walk or bicycle will much better to get healthy body.  
  
Personally, I believe that it is hard for worker people to get healthy life style since they have a lot of activities but it is not impossible. What people need are more effort and be smart time regulator. There are some daily sport people can do, which do not take a long time and much money as well.  
  
All in all, healthy lifestyle is easy for people want to be. It depends on ourselves, how much effort that we do to be fit and healthy.
After reading repeatedly I realized that you are trying to partly agree and disagree.  
Your introduction did not show that. Instead, it looks like you are trying to give explanation why it is hard to get healthier life and giving diseases examples.  
  
It is important to make the introduction very clearly, since it is the gateway to understand your whole essay.  
  
I see your effort to put a single paragraph for your own opinion.  
However I think that it is better to combine the third and fourth paragraph to make the conclusion stronger.
Hi ms. Nuraini. Here are my suggestions towards your essay:  
  
At present, a healthy ~~life style~~lifestyle~~have~~has become a precious thing for most of the people. It is too difficult to have ~~a way of life which is healthy~~(it is redundancy. you can say "a way of healthy life) .  
  
... it depends on ~~their self~~themselves .  
  
For instance, worker who ~~require~~requires to sit prolonged time ...  
  
... can do to have a healthy ~~life style~~lifestyle by small activities. For example, you should get some walk ...  
... exercise or walking in earlier morning, especially~~in~~at lunch time, or in dinner.  
... home is not really far, ~~get walk or bicycle~~walking or bicycling will much better to get an healthy body.  
  
suggestion: in your first body paragraph, try to make the reason after you introduced your main idea. so it can emphasize the idea in your paragraph.  
  
I hope it will be useful for you.  
Goodluck!
Firstly, this is their social responsibilities.The government needs a lot of money to build infrastructures such as schools and hospitals ~~and they have money~~ . As we know, money cannot ~~own~~ EARN by a few of people.  
  
If that happens, the society will stop TO develop~~ing~~ . THE Rich people become richer, however, THE poor people become poorer.  
... motivation to achieve their dreams ~~or they don't have any dreams.~~  
THE Rich people give money away ~~to~~ FOR the weakest people to ...  
  
RICH/POOR ==>refer to certain group ==> so, article "THE" is needed  
  
The government's responsibility is ~~to~~ firstly TO ensure its citizens having ...
Beau Lotto, as the TED speaker, begin his speech with a game. The results of the game show that colors enable us to see the similarities and differences between surfaces depend on the full spectrum of light that they reflect. For instance, the light that falls into eyes is determined by multiple things in the world. Not only the color of an object, but also the color of their illumination. The color of the space between us and object also has important role in this phenomenon. Numerous of aspects can change the color of the light that falls onto eyes. It can become a problem if the same image has an infinite number of possible real-life resources. For instance, he gave some example such as an object with similar shape, size and he content. The totally difference between both of them is there are come from completely different sources. From the example, he told us that sensory information is meaningless because it is mean literally anything. Our brain evolved the mechanisms for finding patterns and finding some relationships in information. Furthermore, brain associating those relationships with behavioral meaning.
Hi Dioba  
Let me give you some correction  
  
... game show that ~~colors~~Colours enable us to see ...  
..., but also the ~~color~~colour of their illumination. The ~~color~~colour of the space (...) also has an important role in ...  
... can change the ~~color~~colour of the light that ...  
... such as an object with the similar shape, ...  
... those relationships with ~~behaviora~~behavioural meaning.  
  
Thank you...
Hi Dioba, below are my thoughts on your essay.  
  
- Beau Lotto, ~~as~~ the TED speaker, ~~begin~~began his speech with a game.  
- between surfaces depending on the full  
- the light that falls into the eyes is  
- Not only that the color of an object,  
- between us and the object  
- also has an important role in this phenomenon.  
- Numerous ~~of~~ aspects can change the  
- color of the light that falls onto the eyes.  
- The total~~ly~~ difference between both of them is that  
- because it is means literally anything.  
- Our brain evolved in the mechanisms  
- Furthermore, the brain ~~associating~~associated in those relationships with behavioral meaning.  
  
There you have it Dioba, I hope the above remarks are helpful and do follow through with the corrections suggested.
hi dioba ^,^  
  
i have feedback for your summary and i hope it helps  
  
Beau Lotto, ~~as~~ the TED speaker, begin his speech with a game.  
  
It is Not only the color of an object~~,~~ but also the color of ~~their~~ illumination.  
  
The color of ~~the~~ space between ~~us~~human and object also has ...  
  
... color of the light that falls ~~o~~i nto eyes.  
  
~~For instance,~~ he gave some example (...), size and ~~he~~ content. ~~The~~this totally difference between both of them ~~is~~that there are completely came from ~~completely~~ different sources.  
  
... is meaningless because it ~~is~~ means literally anything.  
  
keep writing ^,^
The breakdown of information about the junk food eaten by young people from Australia over 25-year period is depicted in the line graph. It is measured by the number of times consumed every year. Overall, the main fact that stands out is that Pizza and Hamburgers showed a dramatic growth while Fish and Chips dropped dramatically over the timeframe shown.  
  
Initially, Pizza and Hamburgers began at fairly similar levels, which stood at around 15 and 13 respectively. Both of them then increased significantly to 82 for Pizza and 100 for Hamburgers in 1995. From 1995, Pizza then leveled off whilst Hamburgers rose slightly in the end of the period.  
  
On the other hand, Fish and Chips started at 100 consumption of fast food in 1975, the highest than two other snacks. Subsequently, it experienced a fluctuation until 1985, and it was followed by a sharp fall, which hit a low of just under 40, the lowest in the end of the timespan.  
  
*