dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Do not repeatedly refer to "The Bank" throughout the statement. Consider using other references in relation to the function of the bank. Reference such as financial instution and lenders may be used, depending upon the subject of the sentence. Not only will it remove the redundancy of the presentation, but it will also allow for the clear presentation of an additional banking facet in the presentation.  
  
Based on the target accomplishments in the first sentence, a mention of a workable timeframe for the completion of these tasks would have added a much more hopeful tone to an otherwise monotone presentation that lacks any anticipatory elements. It fails to excite and interest the reader in its current form.
**The graphs above give information about the money spent per month by British parents on their children's sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.  
  
## Write a report of at least 150 words reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevant.**  
  
The average amount of money that British parents expended monthly on their progeny's sports in a seven-year period is revealed by the first given graph while the second supplied chart gives data on how much children took part in football, athletics and swimming from 2008 to 2014.  
  
At the first glance, it is clear that the charge invested in children's sport increased steadily each year as well as the growth of participants in three common sports.  
  
In 2008, the levels on spending on children's sport activities stood at 20 pounds, after that this figure rose significantly over the rest six years and peaked at roughly 33 pounds in the year 2014.  
  
Turning to participation levels, football had drawn by far the largest attention during the period, specifically the quantity of participants was approximately 8 millions in 2008 and then went up to 9 millions in the last year. Although swimming experienced a same trend, the figure for this sport was much lower with 2 millions children participated in 2008 but then rose gradually at 3.5 millions in the year 2014. Finally, the number of kids joining athlentics leveled off at 1 millions over the first two-year period, nevertheless the amount of athlete witnessed a remarkable leap from 1 to 5 millions between 2010 and 2012 then declined slightly by 0.3 millions in 2014.  
  
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Always assume that the reader cannot see the image. That is why the writer is being asked to offer an accurate report. He is the only one who can see the image at the point of writing. The examiner is always assumed to be reading the report in a blind state. He is understood to not have a copy nor access to an electronic form of the image. These assumptions are the reasons why the writer should avoid mentioning any image position within the page. The position is not as important as the correct image type identification and accurate summary overview.  
  
There is a one sentence idea or description expectation per sentence. Avoid trying to explain everything in one long sentence. This will prevent a cohesive and coherent understanding of the sentence and paragraph presentations. There will be large GRA deductions when compressed discussions are used in place of properly developed individual sentences in the paragraphs.  
  
The report is incomplete in its presentation. The analysis needs to be fully explained within 3 reporting paragraphs, bringing the total presentation fo 4 paragraphs. The third paragraph is too short as the information is too compressed. Put extra effort into the analysis of the information presented.
## moving big businesses to remote areas

  
  
It is said that relocating large companies to rural areas offers changes for better. From my point of view, I claimed that it bring more backdraws than benefits.  
  
Undeniably, replacing large factories may yeild considerable merits. Firstly, that companies move to remote places contributes the promotion of living standards in rural areas.In particular, local people will be provided job opportunities which give them chances to boost their income and improvements of their life qualities. Additionally, the relocation of companies probably enhances the development of local economy. To be specific, buiding large factories always accompanies with the construction of infrastructure and profitable investment, significantly which stimulates the production and trade with other areas. Therefore, the local market is likely to be expanded and diversified as well as local budget and profit may be sizably increased, which facilitates the weath of communities in this areas, Bac Ninh city for example.  
  
However, the move of large companies have detrimental effects in many aspects. In term of environment, large factories and massive production will cause severe pollution. That factories release toxic pollutants in the air or dump poision in the water drastically devastates the ecological systems and causes serious health problems. In addition, they need to accept the higher cost of transportation which leads to the rise in products' price and relieve their strengths compared to enemies. To be particular, remote areas are deprived of materials and services utilizing in process and far from potential costumers ;therefore, it is necessary to arise expense for delivery to guarantee the production. Finally, this changes may distort the lifestyle of local people. For instance, the appearance of large factories sharply promote urbanization and mordernization which stimulates people to focus on high productivity and lucrative profit rather than the beauty of traditional customs.  
  
In conclusion, regardless of strengths of this tendency, adverse impacts of it are terrible and foreseeable
Kindly review the original prompt and compare it to the statement presented here. There are several points of difference between the original presentation and the restatement in terms of references, focus, and reason that have affected the current presentation. This should be at least a 3 sentence presentation if it were to properly restate the original and offer a personal opinion with an acceptable thesis reference. Comparing the original prompt with the restatement is essential if one wishes to receive a high baseline score for the test.  
  
The first paragraph will not receive a score as it does not support the personal opinion of the writer. Rather, is confuses the examiner who will wonder why the exam taker is defending the opposing opinion instead of using 2 strong reasons to support his own opinion. The idea behind the prompt is to prove that the advantages are actually disadvantages. It is a written debate based on 2 opposite reasons in each paragraph. That means the writing format is:  
  
Sentence 1: Advantage  
Sentence 2: Why?  
Sentence 3: Should it be considered a disadvantage?  
Sentence 4: Explain  
Sentence 5: Present a supporting example in transition sentence form.  
  
As only the 2nd paragraph will receive a score for supporting the presented opinion, the essay cannot be given a score based on a properly developed essay. It is definitely lacking in correct reasoning development. The under-worded concluding summary did not help either. It will result in even more point deductions in the end as it is not composed of at least 3 sentences that offer a summary of the previous discussion.
## **Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and polluion problems.**

  
*To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
What other measures do you think might be effective?*  
  
In the era of industrialization, more and more vehicles get in use and create environmental matters to societies. I utterly opposed the increase in the cost of petrol suggested as a solution to the problems above given that will impact all walks of life in one way or another, and there is a better alternative to this daunting task.  
  
To begin with, pumping up the price of petrol or gasoline tantamounts to greater chances of poor people becoming poorer. Logistics and supply chains will suffer from a divergence in price changing that makes all the costs from any products rise. For example, an industry that is close to any level of society like Food and Beverages will demonstrate an upward trend in the money that customers have to pay due to the increased fee in shipping by trains, trucks, or ships. As a result, the lower class will have to purchase their basic needs at a higher amount of money than usual.  
  
However, electric vehicles might be an ideal solution for the high traffic demand and the atmosphere. There is a breadth of means of transportation that do not require gasoline to be activated. One clear example is Tesla's products, the pioneer in producing and manufacturing electrical products in the United States with the ethical purpose of reducing the reliability of humans in petrol power and starting to endorse vehicles run by electrical power to save the environment. Sometimes, the decline in the frequency of searching and taking crude oil to produce gasoline might lead to environmental harms like oil spills. Therefore, laying off the usage of gasoline vehicles to one's used electricity is a better solution.  
  
In conclusion, with higher money paid for petrol, humans will suffer the most in every aspect of their lives, especially at the lower level in society. And, replacing traditional gasoline interdependence vehicles with electrical ones will significantly contribute to a cleaner environment.  
  
Hey there! Thanks for reading, please leave your comment below, your feedback will help me improve my writing skill.
The writer has not relayed an accurate prompt restatement based on the original prompt. He has offered a statement based on his own opinion, which is not related to the task, therefore, making his prompt restatement invalid. His opinion is also not very clearly specified as it does not connect to the information from the original presentation in an understandable manner. He has failed to make the prompt restatement + personal opinion coherent. Thereby failing in 2 sections of the test, within this paragraph, immediately.  
  
Now, while the reasoning paragraphs make better sense than the prompt restatement, the statements are over written. The 320 word count provided here cannot realistically be met during the actual test. The writing also shows that the exam taker is trying to pass the test using only word count instead of coherence and cohesiveness in the presentation. Over-explaining does not help because it causes run-on sentences, which will result in GRA deductions due to forced errors in the presentation. It is always better to write no more than 300 words, with a focus on clarity, rather than exaggerated but pointless references as the current presentation often ends up doing.
## Task 2: the advantages and disadvantages of living in a small community?

  
  
In the previous time, a range of people used to live in rural areas where they knew each other clearly. In spite of some drawbacks of living there, I strongly believe that its benefits outweighed the negative side.  
  
On the one hand, it cannot be denied that life in the countryside had some disadvantageous factors.To begin with, it was difficult for us to access modern and convenient living. We had to travel long distances to go to the supermarket, hospital or service center that were easily found in town or city. Moreover, due to the lack of companies and factories, the economy was also affected or developed slowly. As a result, we were limited in choosing jobs and expanding our social networks. However, there were also many advantages of living in small villages.  
  
On the other hand, settling in the countryside brought a great deal of benefits. Firstly, thanks to the peaceful and fresh atmosphere, our health was ensured well. The reason for this was the low rate of transportation that directly exhausted fumes and smoke. Secondly, the spirit of community was enhanced and promoted. In any hard situation, the residents willingly helped and supported each other regardless of poverty or wealth such as fire, ill or boring stories. Finally, due to the small population, the local government could keep control of the security and maintain the safety for life of inhabitants.  
  
In conclusion, despite some disadvantages, living in the small community was preferable because of its positive sides.
The minimum word requirement for the task 2 essay is 250 words. There are only 249 words provided in this essay. Though it is only one word short of the minimum, the examiner is still going to apply a minute deduction to the essay as the writer still wrote less than the minimum word requirement. Bear in mind that there are preliminary deductions that can be applied to the score, and these usually relate to word count. While it may not cause a failing score in this case, the exam taker would still wish to avoid any sort of deduction that may have a score lowering effect in the overall consideration.  
  
This is not an opinion essay so the writer is not supposed to offer an opinion within the thesis statement. Rather, the essay asks the writer to merely offer a general insight into the advantages and disadvantages of the topic, without adding a personal opinion to it. Why? This is one of the general discussion types of essays that is offered in the task 2 test. Though the exam taker will not surely be given a similar topic in the actual test, it is best that he learn to write in various forms, just to be prepared. The format that was used for this essay is not acceptable as it does not meet the original prompt requirements. There is a prompt redirection due to the personal opinion presented.  
  
Additionally, the concluding summary requirements are not properly referenced in this essay either. There is no summary and the paragraph is less than the 40 word requirement.
## Task 1 - a survey

  
  
***The pie charts show the results of a survey conducted by a university on the opinions of full-time and part-time students about its services***  
  
The two diagrams give information about the rate of students' pleasure of some supported-studying services in a university.  
Overall, most students in that school rate very pleased with the two mentioned services, yet, only the support of technology was reported just roughly happy by students.  
  
In terms of the supplement of electrical devices, more than a half of full-time students rates super impressed, while the figure for those who study part-time courses just account for 20%. For the average rates for just little happy, there are 45% of the part-time students, who are higher than the full-time ones by 30%. And for the unhappy rates, it was seen nearly similar amount in both students studying full-time and part-time class with 31% and 35% respectively.  
  
Moving to the expansion of study hours, there are both considerable percentages in two groups of students, who are highly appreciate with this service, with 87% and 72% for full-time and part-time pupils one by one. However, the number of people who report little pleasure in full-time classes stands for just nearly 12%, which is fewer than studying part-time by 11%. The last dislikes this service, barely account for a tiny fraction.  
  
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Actually, the image reference used is not appropriate. There is no diagram presented. Rather, 4 pie charts have been provided for the report. That means, there should be a total of 4 paragraphs presented. Each paired image gets one reporting and analysis paragraph each. The word count should total no more than 200 in this case since there are only 20 minutes provided to write the complete essay. Kindly be careful when identifying the image as that is a part of the task accuracy requirement. The wrong image identification will immediately cause an error in the information presentation that will affect the truthfulness of the presentation. The report must not mislead nor misinform the reader. It will be a cause to fail the test.  
  
The essay also suffers in terms of word accuracy. The terms used are either not referred to in the image or, incorrectly identify parts of the report. These repeated errors will further add to the definite failing score of the essay. The writer should focus on his vocabulary at this point. Though the effort is identifiable in the writing, effort is not scored in this test. This is a failing essay.
## chosen activities in two countries

  
  
The bar chart illustrates the percentage of youth's favorite pursuits in two nations in 2007. Overall, the children in Australia spent more time in outdoor activities, while New Zeleander were supposed to prefer indoor activities.  
  
There are approximately 28% of playing sports, which activity was mostly loved by Australian. Next, more than 10% of Australians are delighted in visiting parks. The third most popular hobbies were DVDs and playing computer games, which both are equal at 15%. The least pursuits were reading book, and art and craft, which accounted for about 10% and nearly 8%, respectively.  
  
With regard to New Zeleanders, the highest rate of children prefer art and craft, up to 25%. The following activities were books and watching videos, which both accounted for about 17%. A quarter of young people enjoyed playing computer games. The least popular were going to the park and sport roughly at 13%.  
  
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Beware of spelling errors most specially when it comes to the citizenship reference. The examiner will be deducting points for every spelling error of any sort. It is evidence that a draft was submitted for scoring since no proofreading was undertaken. Remember that failing is scoring sections can result in an overall failing score in the end.  
  
Whe indicating the measurement ratios, always remember to indicate who it refers to first. This brings the sentences into proper structures based on information clarity. The subject always comes before the verb.  
  
Descriptive wordssuch as "are delighted" should be avoided as that is a personal assumption and is not part of the actual image presentation. Straightforward reporting without opinions or alterations are best.
## ***The diagrams below show the design for a wave-energy machine and its location.***

  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevant.  
You should write at least 150 words.  
  
The given diagram shows how a wave-energy machine is designed and where it can be located. Overall, the wave-energy machine is used to generate electricity and the location options are different due to its cost and output.  
  
As can be seen from the diagram, this machine includes 2 main chambers. The wave first travels into the lower chamber of the machine causing the water level to rise and then create an airflow. This airflow goes to the upper chamber and makes the turbine begin spinning. At the same time, another turbine is rotated because the air from the outside flows into the chamber and puts atmospheric pressure on the water. This process generates electricity for people on the land.  
  
The location of the machine depends on the cost and output. The nearer machine to the land is installed in an area having a small output which also requires a lower cost to install, while a machine located in a high output place needs a high installation cost  
  
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The given diagram  
This is a singular reference to an image. Yet, you describe 2 images in the summary, creating a an irregularity in the singular versus plural reference. Please note that you wrote:  
  
shows how a wave-energy machine is designed and where it can be located  
Therefore, the numerical reference of your opening sentence should be in plural form (diagrams) or in numerical form (2 differing images). You cannot open with a singular reference and close with a plural reference.  
  
That said, you did an acceptable job of referencing a trend for both images though.  
  
As can be seen from the diagram  
Which diagram? This is precisely why you need to clearly identify the differences in image references and use these as a part of the anchor sentence of the reporting paragraph. This unclear reference will cause confusion for the reader who has to read further to get a clear idea of what you are speaking of. You could have said "*In relation to the procedular diagram (image 1)"* and offered true clarity to your image reference.
## benefits of electronic devices to the learning process

  
  
Students can derive substantial benefits from the application of electronic devices to the learning process. One of the most viable advantages is the financial benefits. In other words, with the assistance of electronic devices, the expenses of studying can be reduced. This is because electronic gadgets such as smartphones, laptops, computers, and so on are now crucial tools to access the Internet. By accessing the Internet, students may exploit various sources of information without charge. To exemplify, free online dictionaries such as Oxford Learner's Dictionary or Cambridge Dictionary have been widely used in recent years. Another benefit worth mentioning is that electronic devices can help facilitate the transmission of knowledge. Thanks to the aid of advanced electronic devices, many innovative methods of teaching have been created. Compared to the obsolete use of blackboard and chalk, modern technology-based lessons are more enchanting to students. For instance, using computers and projectors in class may give provide students with better illustrations of the lesson, hence better memorization and comprehension. In conclusion, with the help of electronic devices, students cannot only save their money but also improve their performances.
When speaking of electronic devices in relation to learning, it will be best for the writer to specify what these gadgets are and these are useful to or help enhance the learning process. The general descriptive word can be used in the introduction, but specific references should follow.  
  
Though there is a word limitation when it comes to writing, that does not negate the need to use paragraphs in the presentation. Paragraphs are part of English writing fundamentals due to the ease it brings to writing where clarity of thought and explanation focus are essential.  
  
The learning discussion based on electronic devices was eventually lost in favor of the use of the internet in learning. Those are 2 different discussion aspects. It removed the focus from the electronic learning instrument discussion. However, the blackboard explanation is an essential part of the discussion. It was right to give it a specific mention.