dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Your opening paragraph is a bit on the serious, formal, and official side. Since this is a friendly letter, use a lighter, warmer tone that indicates friendship rather than an official explanation. The current opening tone is more geared towards office communication. Use the correct willing tone for each letter type.  
  
The third paragraph is a bit problematic in terms of punctuation usage. Comma usage and idea separation by sentence being the most noticeable problems that plague your writing. Such errors did not affect the clarity of your explanation though -, which will be good for your GRA score. It would still be better to use a clearer topic reference based on sentence structure though.  
  
This is a good effort that has minimal writing problems.It should get an average passing score in an actual setting.
## Women Business Leaders in three companies - table analysis

  
  
*The table below shows the percentage participation of women in senior management in three companies between 1975 and 2015.  
  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.*  
  
The table provided illustrates the promotion of women's participation on senior management in three different companies from 1975 to 2015. Overall, all of the companies have more women working on senior management over 40 years; Eldan Ltd has the biggest increment , and Finsbury Ltd has the least rise.  
  
Look into the graph for more detail, Eldan Ltd started from 3%, the lowest figure; however, the figure rocketed from to 28% between 1980 and 1990. Furthermore, it doubled again in 2000, reaching 64% at the end. In contrast, Bamforth Ltd grew relatively stable, 9% to 17&, from 1975 to 2000. Nonetheless, the data almost tripled in the last five years, ending up with 46%. Last but not least, Finsbury Ltd fluctuated in these four decades, It started from 16%, the highest percentage among three companies, but fell to 14 percent in next 5 years. The company ended up with 26%, which was only a 10% difference compared to the beginning.  
  
*
Eldan Ltd has the biggest increment , and Finsbury Ltd has the least rise.  
There are 3 companies. Why do you mentiononly 2 in the summary ? Present all 3 to complete the data presentation.  
  
You need 3 paragraphs in this presentation. You should not be compressing information into the 2nd paragraph. Always divide that into 2 informative paragraphs that represent:  
  
Par. 2: Report the main features  
Par. 3: Make comparisons where relevant  
  
You rushed through the presentation. There was no real focus on the discussion requirements beyond mere data reporting. A more thorough analysis was needed. If you had used the correct paragraph format, I do not doubt that all the reporting requirements would have been met.
## IELTS Writing task 2 : Technology

  
  
**Some people argue that technological inventions, such as mobile phones, are making people socially less interactive. Do you agree or disagree?**  
A school of thought holds that the advent of technological items, like smartphones, has a hugely negative impact on interaction among people in modern society. While I concur with this view, there are some advantages which need considering.  
  
On the one hand, technological developments greatly undermine the face to face interaction in the actual world. With the spread of technology, there are various convenient devices, such as smartphones, laptops, which have a multitude of interesting games appealing to both adults and children, which leads them to be glued to the screen all the time. Besides, phone users have a strong tendency to spend a large amount of time being immersed in the virtual life involving browsing social platforms and chatting, without paying much of their heed to people around. Undoubtedly, repercussions that technological intervention may have for people are reflected in the circumstance that verbal interaction among people will be greatly circumscribed, thus causing emotional contact to be attenuated.  
  
On the other hand, the advancements of technology give citizens more chances to cement mutual connections. Given the convenience of web-based platforms, such as messenger and zalo, everyone thereby could expand their social circle of friends all over the world without meeting each other directly. Another quintessential example associated with support of technology is that, in the covid-19 period, office workers, for instance, who are encouraged to work from home to limit widespread transmission of viruses, may hold the formal meetings and have a reciprocal arrangement in terms of task assignment via a myriad of softwares, such as Zoom or Microsoft Team, which helps to provide virtual discussion analogous to brick-and-mortar operation. Employees, therefore, may boost teamwork efficiency without being disrupted by pandemic.  
  
In conclusion, although technological availability may weaken the social interaction, people need to place strong emphasis on some positive aspects to some extent, especially the crucial role of technology in facilitating long-distance communication during the complicated outbreak of Covid-19.
Your discussion approach will result in the failure of this essay. You somehow managed to change the discussion requirement in your paraphrased presentation. To be clear:  
  
*Original Question: Do you agree or disagree?  
Response: While I concur with this view, there are some advantages which need ...  
Correct Response: I concur with this view based on a couple of reasons , The first reason is... and the second is...*  
  
There was no reference to an A/D discussion in the discussion instruction so that reference will be a prompt deviation that will deduct TA and word count percentage points. Overall, the comparison discussion will further reduce the TA score as this is not the correct discussion format for the prompt. It will be more than likely that you will recieve a failing score due to these presentation problems. The body of paragraphs should have used 2 reasons to support your opinion. That was the correct discussion development.
## lower and lower rate of living organisms

  
  
In this day and age, the decrease in the number of living organisms reaches an alarming rate all over the world. The reasons for this vary, but some solutions are available to tackle this issue.  
  
Firstly, the action of humans in the forest is considered as the main culprit for the death of animals. In order to meet the need of industry, many trees are logged, which lead to the loss of animal's shelter as well as a source of food. Secondly, the weather is harsh day by day due to climax change. Thus, the living environment of animals and plants is destroyed.  
  
Governments and individuals should take steps to address these problems effectively. Firstly, it is a good idea to launch some campaigns to educate people about the importance of flora and fauna. As people aware of how much biodiversity crucial to our lives, they may act to protect and preserve it. Secondly, governments should introduce stricter laws on individuals or organizations by fining heavily and imprisoning those who destroy natural habitats. As a result, this can encourage people from habitat conservation.  
  
In conclusion, climax change and humans are two vital reasons for habitat destruction. So, appropriate steps need to be taken to deduce these problems, not only by the government but also by individuals.
216 words fails to meet the lowest word requirement for this presentation. To avoid percentage deductions related to the word count, never fail to provide an essay of at least 250 words. The lastthing you want is to geta failing preliminary score. Such a score could prevent you from receiving a basic passing score.  
  
living organisms  
The focus is on plants and animals. While these are considered living organisms, the word equivalent you chose is not specific to the prompt keywords. stis instead, a general description so this is incorrect word equivalency usage.  
  
The reasons for this vary, but some solutions are available to tackle this issue.  
There are direct questions related to the why the situation and what solutions can be done. Your provided response fails to develop a proper thesis statement as there are no actual responses presented. This lovers the TA score further as clear responses are required to create the sense of your opinion per question.  
  
You lack clear reasoning paragraphs in relation to the discussion questions. The failure of this discussion based on specific considerations will earn this presentation a failing score.
## animals in zoos or in the wild?

  
  
In this day and age, there are so many animals in threat of extinction that human beings must take a look at their behaviors towards the natural species. Therefore, it is suggested that zoos or other kinds of captivity should be called off properly. Paradoxically, it is also said that should mankind hold the animals in captivity, the benefits of that will apply to both sides.  
  
Regarding the school of thought holding the belief that the animals need to stay in their natural habitats, the most evident advantage of this is to avoid becoming a way of recreation for humans. For example, many endangered species have been captured to be a part of the performance in many circuses around the world. They have to engage in various dangerous actions involving such things like fire or swords, which may lead to death. Moreover, humans today are still capturing rare animals for various industrial purposes, namely making designers or following some unscientific medical recipes.  
  
On the other hand, the opposing debate which believes in the benefits gained from holding animals in captivity has been taken into account. In recent years, the number of natural habitats such as tropical forests or the ocean has been reduced due to global warming and other factors, thereby making many species lose their homes. Therefore, some countermeasures should be taken such as giving them artificial environments which have the same essences as their natural ones. In addition, some animals are way too weak to put up with other predators, let alone the newborn ones. As a result, these species must be held in captivity and receive care by specialists in order to survive.  
  
Overall, as far as I am concerned, there are some certain animals which are endangered and need to be kept in zoos so as not to be extinct. However, others should be in the wilderness, thus developing in their own way and not being in control of human beings.
called off properly  
What do you mean by this statement? The reference is not clear. Did you mean zoos should be closed? something got lost, the meaning of the sentence got lost in translation.  
  
some countermeasures should be taken  
This will not be considered by the examiner when scoring the essay. It is not part of the discussion requirements. The number of words this discussion used will be deducted from the current word count. If the result is less than 250 words, then word deductions will apply.  
  
as far as I am concerned,  
Where did this come from? The original prompt asks for 3 discussion paragraphs, inclusive of your personal opinion. Yet, you did not give a personal opinion in the thesis statement. Neither did you develop this as the required 3rd paragraph discussion. The examiner will not accept this presentation in the concluding summary. The discussion format is partially incorrect due to the erroneous placement of the personal opinion. This will lower the TA score of your presentation and affect the C+C score of your essay.
## world food and oil prices

  
  
The line graph compares the average price of a barel of oil with the food index from 2000 to 2011.  
Overall, the value of both oil and food witnessed upward trends over the eleven-year period. In addition, the changes of both commodities were relatively similar.  
  
In particular, in the year 2000, food price index was around 20 points, while oil cost roughly 20$ per barrel. Thereafter, there were insignificant rises in both figures to about 110 points for the former and 30$ for the latter. In the next four years, a sharp increase was observed in food price index which doubled to over 220 points. A similar tendency could be seen in that of oil, which soared and peaked at approximately 130$ at the same point.  
  
In 2009, oil price crashed to around 40$, at which it bounced back to under 100$ after a three-year period. Whereas, the worth of food also registered a suden fall to 100 points. Subsequently,there was growth its price, which reached a peak of 240 points at the end of the period.  
  
*
Did you see the correlation listed in red within the image presentation? Why didn't you include it? Being listed in red means this is important data that must be highlighted as the tending sentence in the report summary and within the presentation paragraphs.  
  
barel  
LR concern: Wrong spelling. You need to avoid spelling e56ors to avoid LR deductions.  
  
The rest of the essay is good enough. You presented a basic understanding of the image and graph movement. The reader can create an interesting mental picture of the report based on your simple reporting style. The presentation is worthy of an averagepassing score at this point. Like I said, there was a missing important trending information presentation that was overlooked but it won't have a grave negative effect on your final score.
## losing weight just by dieting

  
  
**WRITING TASK 2: dieting to lose weight has become increasingly prevalent in the developed world. Why do you think people nowadays are so concerned with body shape and size?**  
  
These days, an increasing number of people are concerned about their body shapes and losing weight by dieting has gained popularity across the updated world. From my perspective, modern citizens are practically apprehensive of overweight appearance and there is a variety of reasons for focusing on their personal shapes.  
  
First, it is undeniable that in the modern society, possessing good-looking appearances is a strong advantage for people in workplaces. Evidently, everyone desires to apply for prestigious companies but the recruiters have a tendency to give attractive employees chance to work with them. Moreover, it is also easier for these employees to expand their social circle and receive respect from coworkers and authority. Therefore, slim body shape is a big plus if people want to have a successful career path so they have to pay attention to their figures.  
  
Second, it is obvious that advertisements tend to encourage people to value slim figures. In commercial area, several desirable consumer products are predominantly displayed alongside trim models, particularly cosmetics and fashion industry. As a result, there is a perception on consumers' minds that skinny figure is one of the beauty standards nowadays and numbers of people getting thinner are rising considerably. For example, advertisements of fashion brands (such as H&M, Prada and Forever21) always show their fashionable clothing beside slender stars who look most gorgeous in these outfits, not plump models.  
  
In sum, bothering about overweight figures and starting diets to stay fit are very popular nowadays because of the social beauty criteria in workplaces and advertisements as well. However, there is still no precise confirmation pointing out that slimness is the only beauty trait or chubby people are unaccepted in this community. So, we should make sure not to be unconfident or become malnourished by over dieting.
updated world  
You are not talking about an app. There is no " updated" world to speak of. However, there is a " constantly modernizing" world or "image conscious " world.  
  
variety of reasons for focusing on their personal shapes.  
This is not a discussion statement . Use 2 sentences. 1 reason for shape and 1 for size . Direct reasons create clear topic foundations for the body of paragraphs and proves you understood the discussion instructions.  
  
to expand their social circle and receive respect from coworkers and authority.  
This is underdeveloped reason. Consider adding a supporting reason along with an example to justify it. You need to make sure that each reason is fully explained to help boost the C+C score.  
  
commercial area  
Wrong phrase reference. You are talking about fashion in relation to your discussion. Yes, it has to do with sales, but it is not a common type of commerce. This is market specific.  
  
However, there is still no ... by over dieting.  
What is this? What made you decide to add this unrelated information in the end? you were doing quite well till you made this discussion change at the worstpossible point.
Task:  
Write an essay of about 250 words to express your point of view in this topic.  
***Most Vietnamese people have so far cherished the tradition of spending Tet holiday with their family and relatives in their hometown. However, recently some people have chosen to take a holiday trip away from home to other provinces or even to other countries on this occasion. What do you think of this trend?***  
  
My essay:  
While celebrating Lunar New Year alongside family and relatives in the hometown has long since been the fundamental tradition in Viet Nam, recent years have witnessed an increasing trend of people travelling far and wide during this special occasion. As far as I know, I do not have any opposition to the phenomenon.  
  
On the one hand, taking a holiday trip away does not ruin tradition. By definition, Tet was one period when farmers could rest from their work in the fields, show gratitude to ancestors and Gods, wishing for a great new year with bumper crops. Nowadays, although the country is no longer agriculture-dominated, the meaning of Tet is continued to be preserved, including being the period of relaxation. Therefore, having a journey far away from home is not a disgrace to thousand-year traditions as lots of people complained. The way those travellers try to take care of themselves after a year of stressful working is just a little different, shifting from playing around villages to playing around provinces or countries with the help of technologies.  
  
On the other hand, travellers use their own money and stimulate economic - tourism growth without causing real harm to anyone or anything. Moreover, people who bring the whole family along on the holiday or feel homesick on the way are prime evidence for the fact that this trend is neither expanding the generation gap nor damaging family relationships. Thus, "a day on the road gets you a sieve-worth of wisdom". Holiday trips are not only recreational but also provide people new experiences and knowledge about local regions. Last but not least, despite the rise in the number of individuals choosing to celebrate Tet faraway, gathering in their hometown is still and will always be the majority so it is quite unreasonable to be anxious about that recent trend.  
  
In conclusion, with cultural, economic, individual benefits far outweigh the risks, "a Tet away from home" in my opinion is not worth ~~making a fuss~~ worrying about and should be allowed to grow naturally.  
  
Note: This task is also from a semester/inspection test in a high school for gifted students and we still need to write it like an IELTS task 2.  
  
I have failed to meet the Task Requirements for words quantity again....... It sure is hard to arrange the ideas....  
Thank you for your feedback, I will write them down and try not to repeat the mistakes
phenomenon  
It is not a phenomenon. It is a personal lifestyle choice. Improve your English vocabulary meaning and usage skills. In relation to this presentation, do not write long sentences combining several ideas. These run on sentences often force GRA errors. Use 3-5 sentences per paragraph instead.  
  
I do not have any opposition  
The question is related to how you see or view this developing habit or lifestyle. You either agree or disagree with the presentation. You cannot avoid having a specific opinion about it because it is required of your discussion presentation. This is a single personal opinion response. This is not a comparative discussion. The response format is incorrect.  
  
I highly urge you to familiarize yourself with the IELTS discussion types before writing any more essays. It will help you learn how to correctly respond to prompts and meet word requirements. You can start by learning to outline your discussion points before drafting your response. That can help you better organize your ideas in preparation for drafting your response.
## wheat exports analysis

  
  
The graph illustrates the differences in wheat exports among Australia, Canada and European Community from 1985 to 1990. Overall, it is clear that there were three different trends over this period: upward, downward and fluctuation.  
  
Looking at the details, European Community, with starting point at 15 million tons of wheat in 1985, had experienced a dip in 1986 at nearly 15 million tons. Subsequently, having been stay the same between 1987 and 1988, European exported wheats increased substantially at over 20 million tons, and remained the dominant increasing trend. In contrast, in Australia, the figure was slightly rose to 15 million tons in 1986, followed by a gradual decrease approximately 11 million tons 4 years later.  
  
In Canada, there was a considerable fluctuation over the period. In 1985, Canada was the highest position in wheat exports roughly 20 million tons. Then, from a minimal decline in 1986, Canada had reached its peak at 25 million tons. Following this, having been decreased exponentially of under 15 million tons in 1989, Canada had bounced back at around 20 million tons in a next year.  
  
*
Your summary is over summarized to the point where no relevant data or proper trending statement is provided. It lacks accurate image identification, measurement reference, and a singular . tend you want to call attention to for comparison purposes. your summary indicates nothing of importance or information to the reader. The summary overview needs an actual reference to . capsules of relevant information.  
  
While the presentation is acceptable, there is a lack of connecting information in the second paragraph. Where is the commonality as indicated by the aligned points in the graph? Deeper analysis is required for this graph based on 1986 data. This is a specific comparison point that better illustrates how you studied the data.
In the first paragraph, called intro, where you paraphrase the graph's title, you can use place, time, unit, subject and chart type to make the paraphrase easier. example: use "between 1985 and 1990" instead of from 1985 to 1990"  
  
The second paragraph consists of the overview of the graph by mentioning the highest (peak), the lowest and unique and noticeable data. I can't see the overview of your work. Maybe this is "Overall, it is clear (...) and fluctuation" I think this needs more explanation.  
  
The third and fourth paragraph is consist of the main body where you explain the data. Since this graph shows a dynamic: multiple time frame, it is better to explain it chronologically.  
  
This is just based on my experience of learning, and I hope it helps you.