dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The diagram  
What sort of diagram ? Was it an illustration? A procedural drawing? Clarify. When indicating the image type because there are over a dozen types of images for this task. A clear identification helps the TA score. What is the most important aspect of the process that can represent the trending or highlight portion?  
  
The process explanation feels rushed. As if you skipped a few steps. Maybe you did or, maybe not. I can't really tell due to lacking information. You forgot to provide a copy of the image for my assessment of your writing. Without it, I cannot tell if the score you were given is correct, where your errors are, and how you can improve your writing for future use. Upload the image next time.  
  
\* Limited review provided due to lack of image for review reference.
## The line graph analysis

  
  
The given line graph provides the information about the growth of population in four different age in New Zealand over the period of 100 years starting from 1950.  
  
Overall, It is obvious that while the percentage of people from 25 to 37 years old, from 38 to 45 years old and under 65 years old are predicted to decrease in 2050, this figure for the age 0-14 years old are predicted to increase significantly in the year 2050.  
  
Starting at 1950, the rate of elderly in New Zealand accounted for 60%, 3 times as much as that in the people from 25 to 37 years old. Over the next 40 years, while the proportion of people between 25 and 37 was decreased dramatically to 10%, this figure for people over 65 years old witnessed a dramatic climb of 10%. This trend is predicted to fall in the future in general and in the year 2050 in particular. Specificially, the percentage of elderly and people from 25 to 37 years old will drop to around 55% and 1%, respectively.  
  
At around 25%, the proportion of people from 38 to 45 years old in New Zealand was 5 times as much as that of people between 0 and 14 years old in 1950. Five years later saw a sharp rise to 49% approximately in the figure for people from 38 to 45 years old. By contrast, this figure for the children seems like remained stable at the same time. In 2050, the percentage of people from 38 to 45 years old and the age 0-14 are predicted to increase to 40% and 20%, respectively.  
  
*
Your first sentence fails to clearly offer a summary overview. a clear summary overview is delivered over 5 sentences at the most, 3 in the least. That is because individual topic sentences allow you to clearly prove your ability to express yourself in simple and complex sentences. Your clarity of thought, in terms of delivering quick understanding of image information points in the first paragraph selves as an important C+C boost. sAn example of an unclear thought presentation in this paragraph is the reference to 100 years that started in a50. When does it end ? Based on the graph, it ends in 2050. When you state a stailing year, include the end year. this isa summary presentation. don't make the reader do the math. That is your job as the reporter.  
  
was decreased  
Redundant past time reference. Remove "was" since decreased already represents the past action reference. This is a GRA error.  
  
You are overcomplicating your presentation by over stating the facts. While writing long passages somewhat helpin a task 2 presentation, it creates a confusing and grammar error riddled task 1 presentation. These are the main score reducing problems in your current task presentation. Practice writing using quick information presentations. Pick your analysis and comparison paragraph topics in the draft. Use highlights and keep the information short. Anything between 175-190 words will limit your writing errors, keep the presentation clear, and allow you to maximize positive scoring opportunities.
## grammar knowledge review

  
  
First of all, the open-ended questions in the syntax course help me review basic grammar knowledge. I know my own grammatical mistakes, such as the number of words in English, their usage, and position in the sentence. When teaching foreign languages, I reinforce old knowledge for students, encouraging active learning.  
  
The second thing you learn from this course is that the rules of orderly association between words, phrases, and clauses in sentences make sentences meaningful. For example, the combination of the words "a, beautiful, girl" forms the noun phrase "a beautiful girl". When teaching foreign languages, I encourage students to combine and expand sentences in English to understand semantic relationships.  
  
Third, the syntax course helps me understand the analysis of complex sentence structures. Tree diagrams show the hierarchical and semantic relationships between word classes. When teaching, I incorporate other subjects into the lecture, trying to simplify the knowledge so that it is easy for students to understand and absorb.  
  
Finally, you learn the structure of a new language by comparing it with the structure of English. I know different and interesting rules in language. If "red shirt" is used in English, Spanish uses the phrase "shirt red". When teaching grammar, I will teach students how to distinguish English structures through analysis and comparison.
Refer to yourself throughout the essay. You may refer to yourself as I, me, myself. or variations thereof. Do not use the first person pronoun you because the paper does not reflect the learning of other people in the course. It refers only to your learning. Change all the you references to I, or other personal pronoun references. You should also change learning time references to past tense since you have already completed and learned from the course. Your thoughts with regards to what you learned in the course is understandable. You get your point across clearly enough. There are some points that could be cleaned up or better presented. Unfortunately, I am unable to edit those sections here.  
  
\* Limited review provided. Contact me privately for editing services.
## Sahara, taklimakan and great basin desert data

  
  
These given charts provide information about five remarkable features of three deserts, including size, the amount of rain falling annually, average temperatures and highest or lowest temperatures recorded.  
  
A closer look at the tables reveals that Sahara desert is the most extensive one as it covers up 9 million square kilometres, followed by Taklimakan and Great Basin, which constitute 270000 square kilometres and 305,775 square kilometres respectively. However, Great Basin is considered as a desert that has the biggest distinction between the highest and lowest rainfall in an annual basis recorded as they are 5.1 and 51 cm, following by Sahara and Taklimakan.  
  
Turning to annual average temperatures, vegetation Sahara and Great Basin deserts thrive in the most scorching summer and frigid winter as the temperature can come to 30 Celsius degrees and the one of the winter in Great Basin amounts up to -8 Celsius degree. The heat in Sahara made it the hottest one due to the fact that its temperature extremes is 58 Celsius recorded. In the contrary, Taklimakan makes up -26.1 Celsius degrees in winter, making it the coldest one of three places.  
  
In conclusion, the condition of these environments is too harsh for people to inhabit.  
  
*
In the first paragraph. Aim to use the standard 3-5 sentence format to aid with the coherence of the paragraph. along sentence presenting several information tends to confuse the reader and could potentially lower your GRA score due to reader stress.  
  
These given charts  
You cannot use the plural indicative of this, which is these, without indicating the number of images provided first. This error will relate to LR , GRA, and C+C deduction scores. Indicate the seperate information as provided, per table. You neglected to inform the reader of the desert regions which was included in parenthesis along with the location information. Your essay only has partially correct data presentation as it omits several important references.  
  
In conclusion  
This report does not require a personal opinion. That is not a required nor indicated presentation information. Task 1 does not require a thesis statement which is what a personal opinion represents.
*Write about the following topic.*  
  
***Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular.  
## Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?

  
  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.***  
  
Moving towards the 21st century, it is believed that online shopping is becoming more and more popular due to its convenience and better prices. From my perspective, the advantages of purchasing things on the Internet outweighs its disadvantages and some main points will be addressed in the following paragraphs.  
  
To begin with, the most apparent benefit of shopping online is its convenience. It cannot be denied that there is no line to wait in or cashiers to track down the purchases and you can do your shopping in minutes. Shopping online gives us the opportunity to shop 24/7, and also reward us with a "no pollution" shopping experience. To be more exact, there is no better place to buy informational things like e-books, which are available to you instantly, as soon as the payment goes through. Downloadable items purchased online eliminate the need for any kind of physical material at all, as well, which is more environmentally-friendly.  
  
Some people assert that there are several risks of fraud in online shopping such as counterfeit products, credit card scam, etc. Fortunately, many e-commerce platforms which adopt credible purchase policies, namely Shoppe, Lazada, create favourable conditions for both sellers and buyers not to worry about this problem. Furthermore, if customers purchase things online frequently on these e-commerce platforms, they will offer you several vouchers, discount coupons, rebates and free delivery. Moreover, comparing and researching products and their prices is so much easier online. If you're shopping for appliances, for example, you can find consumer reviews and product comparisons for all the options on the market, with links to the best prices. We can research firsthand experience, ratings, and reviews for most products and retailers to make a more precise decision before purchasing something.  
  
In conclusion, the demerits of e-commerce trends are overshadowed by the merits resulting from modern technology. I am convinced that online shopping is one of the great innovations of people doing transactions as it reduces time and provides more benefits and options.
towards  
Not towards. We already exist in the 21st century. This is incorrect word choice as it relates to your LR score. You should have used the word "forward" to indicate active existence for the reader in the current / 21st century.  
  
outweighs its disadvantages  
Because? This was an excellent thesis foundation. Sally, rather than starting off witha strong discussion topic, you chose to open with a weak instruction restatement instead. You have limited your ability to get a high TA score with this presentation. You start off the essay with low scores in the TA and LR sections. Not a very good preliminary score.  
  
You must remember the discussion instruction / question:  
  
DO THE ADVANTAGES OF SHOPPING IN THIS WAY OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES?  
The problem with this presentation is that you do not really disprove that the advantage is really a disadvantage. Rather you have one paragraph explaining the advantage and one covering the disadvantage. Your formatneeds correction. The correct discussion approach, based on your essay could have been:  
  
*People say that online shopping saves people time because they don't have to go to the store. This practice actually has strong disadvantages because...  
  
Then, there is the affordability of brandname products that turn out tobe counterfeit. Since the item cannot be examined online...*  
  
As you can see, the clarity of the discussion paragraph format as it aligns itself to the discussion question will increase the possibility of a higher C+C score. Something your format cannot achieve.
## Wealth disparity among countries in the world

  
  
The disparity between rich and poor nations has appeared for a long time, but now, this gap is getting more and more expansive. In this essay I will discuss some reasons of this disproportion and how it can be minimized.  
  
The most serious problem of poverty is the lack of education. Many poor family cannot afford for their children to go to school as they have to pay for tuition fees, learning tools and many other fees. Moreover, many young children have to go to work in order to improve the family economy. A good illustrate of this is that on many streets in my countries, we can see many poor kids hawking around from early morning to late evening. They spend most of their time earning money and donnot care much about study. Those family think that studies are not neccessary and waste time. However, without any education, these children would not find a better job and they would keep being poor. Another reason for this difference arise from illegal usury .The poors are entangled with loan sharks, leading to a pile of debt. In fact, people who go to the gangster to borrow money are often unable to repay. Thus, no matter how much they earn, they will be forced to into debt. Therefore they will become poorer and poorer.  
  
With the purpose of discrease the disparity, I would take a view that government should propagandize people to send their children to go to school. A policy on tuition fees exemption and reduction for students with difficult circumstances must be published to encourage all students to study. Also, goverment need to be serious in prohibiting illegal usury so that people are not scammed and piled up in debit. In addition, many charity organication should be open to help the poors to find a better job and improve their life.  
  
In summary, there are many reasons impact the increases of the disproportion between rich and poor nations. Goverment should take care of every people so that everyone can be equal to others and descrease the disparity between rich and poor.
In this essay I will discuss some reasons of this disproportion and how it can be minimized.  
While it is acceptable for you to take the easy road and simply restate the given questions, this doesn't really help increase your TA score to a great extent. showing you understood the question is one thing. Using an academic presentation via a thesis statement based on the given questions suits the assessment requirement for your English comprehension skills best increases your TA score based on the response format (content) consideration.  
  
A good illustrate  
Incorrect word usage. You were trying to use a synonym for explanation. To illustrate means to explain (e.g. Illustrate the procedure by...) Since you are using the active frame of the word, the synonym should be illustration, meaning " ongoing explanation or example ". The correct forum for the phrase presentation is, " a good illustration... ".  
  
.  
  
With the purpose ~~of~~ discrease the disparity  
...purpose TO decrease...  
You need to familiarize yourself with word usage based on sentence structure and referencing requirements. GRA score deductions will be applied each time related errors are found in your work.  
  
Goverment should take care ... rich and poor.  
There is no room for additional topic discussions in the concluding paragraph. Your essay has an open ending. That means it is not concluded based on the required concluding summary. This will bean additional TA deduction.
Topic:  
***Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible.***  
  
## Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

  
  
My answer:  
Around the world, many parents are working from home and children are beginning to study from home as well due to the development and easy access of technology. This means that they could work more easily and maybe work more efficiently than they do in workplace. Besides, working at home will also help people do not have to drive to work or school . As a result, the air pollution produced by vehicles of people going to work is likely to be reduced dramatically . Moreover, the innovation of education of studying at home rather than learn at school like a traditional way will probably change significantly the way student approach the lessons . By doing this, these student will not get fed up with the traditionally boring lessons . However, this could cause many problems. Take for example, people who work at home may be more lazy than usual since there are not many ways which guide you to work at home and so at first you will excitedly work in new method but gradually you will get a bored feelings. A good idea to tackle this issue is to sometimes find a new place in home to study or you can work in the garden of your house to change the work environment. The further problem is that work at home will hinder your social skills and your chance to enhance the ability of communicating with other people and behaving in a good way as well.  
  
In the summary , working at home not only gives you a positive development but provides you some negative issues as well . So, I think the most obvious measure to deal with it is combine these two method of working and studying . Consequently, you can gain the benefit from working at home and also improve your community skills.  
  
Hope you will check and correct my essay . Thank you!!!
Are you self-studying ? I believe that is the case since your essay does not follow the required task 2 formatting requirement. Your essay is too long at 3OO + words. You do not present a prompt restatement and thesis statement. The 4 paragraph presentation is also missing. The 4 paragraphs represent:  
  
Par. 1 - prompt restatement + thesis sentence / question response  
Par. 2 - 1st reasoning paragraph  
Par. 3 - 2nd reasoning paragraph  
Par. 4 - (optional, when required) Personal opinion + Explanation  
Par. 5 - Reverse paraphrase  
  
I believe in giving self. study exam takers a second chance and I will do the same for you. Using a different topic , write a 250- 290 word essay using the format provided above. We will start your lessons then. That is, if you want to.
I think you did not actually follow the required outline of an essay as there was no introduction. You should paraphrase the given task and give an answer to the questions (is it a positive or negative development?) to form a standard introduction. Moreover, you should devide the body into 2 paragraphs, one will present the first reason for your opinion, and another one will present the second reason.  
  
There are some repetitions in your essay, for example, "This means that they could work more easily and maybe work more efficiently..."  
There are also some grammatical errors "Besides, working at home will also help people do not have to drive to work or school...". I think you should write "...working at home means that people do not have to drive to work...which help significantly reduce gas emission from vehicles..."  
  
Overall, your opinion has not been presented clearly and appropriately within the essay. You may need to read the outline of a correct essay and improve your grammar as well.  
  
Hope these comments will help you!
Around the word - in any part of the word (good phrase for you to apply)  
Many parents are working FROM HOME and children are beginning to study FROM HOME (repetition) - A number of parents and students had an upward trend to work from home  
  
Moreover, the innovation of education of studying at home rather than learn at school like a traditional way will probably change significantly the way student approach the lessons (mistakes in grammar)  
  
I think you should review the structure of Task 2 Writing, on youtube videos, for example, as well as enhance your grammar
**Could anyone please help me to revise my writing practice test? Any help would be really appreciated!!! Thank you in advance.**  
  
*1.  
**The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011.**  
  
## Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

  
  
You should write at least 150 words.*  
  
The graph provides the numer of inquiries that the Tourist Information Office received in a city throughout six-month period in 2011.  
  
Overall, most of the questions was sent in person and it kept increasing every month. Meanwhile, there was a downward trend of sending enquiries via email or letter.  
  
Looking into the details, in January, nearly 1000 enquiries was received by the office via telephhone whilst people whom came directly to the office was the lowest. However, in the next 6 months, people tended to come directly to the office for their inquiries and it continually increasing and reached its peak in June with 1900. Eventhough the proportion of phone calls made to the office diminished in Febuary and maintained the same in March and April with 1000 inquiries, it then raised again to 1600 in June. In contrast, emailing and sending letter seemed to be the least method used to make enquiries over the period, it experienced a noticably decrease from nearly 800 enquries down to lower than 400 enquiries in June.  
  
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There is a 1 topic per thread policy at this forum. I can only help you withthe task 1 presentation. You have to post the task 2 essay in a new thread or risk an account suspension sorry, but those are the rules and all the forum members must follow them.  
  
Although you wrote 173 words for the task, well over the minimum word representation , the presentation is not based on the required format, lacks a proper summary presentation, and does not represent a thorough analysis written for a specific audience.  
  
A properly presented summary overview focuses on indicating the important information sources, measurement presentation, and inclusive months, aside from the year reference. The image also contains overlapping comparative points that should have been presented. The long paragraph, based on the content, should have been separated into 2 analytical paragraphs. This work is forgivable for a first timer, but could result in a failure in the actual test.
## Riverdale Public School system graphs

  
  
These two bar graphs show how much money was spent per student by Riverdale Public School and the percentage of Riverdale Public School students who were getting the Reading and Math test passing grades. Based on the given information, not only did they spend less money, they also happened to achieve less number of students who were getting the passing grades for Reading and Math test.  
  
Every five years, from 2000 to 2015, the amount of money spent per student at the Riverdale Public School decreased gradually. In 2000, Riverdale Public School spent 12,000 USD per pupil, while in 2015, they only spent 8,000 USD per pupil, a 33% decrease over the span of 15 years.  
  
Within the same period of time, the percentage of students getting the passing grades for Reading and Math test also consistently declined over the years, though it was not too significant, approximately a 3% decrease over the span of 15 years. However, they were able to maintain the percentage above 80%.  
  
It is still unclear whether the amount of spending impacts the percentage of students getting passing grades. No data shows the correlation, nor the causation of these two pieces of information.  
  
*   
*Bar Graph*