dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hello. I'd like to give some of my opinions about your essay.  
Your opening is too simple, I guess. You should try to paraphrase it better. Also, I suggest you use the word "explain" instead of "explore".  
  
You mentioned two reasons for choosing airplanes in your opening. But as I can see, your essay has 3 reasons.  
I suggest you check your grammar carefully. To name a few grammar mistakes: "which is surrounded by seas", "... improves our diplomatic...", "...many ways (delete ~~some~~)
One of the delicious dishes that when coming to Vietnam every traveler should enjoy is Bun Bo Hue. Firstly, we go to find out the origin of this dish. This Vietnamese noodle soup originates from the central province of Vietnam in a city called Hue. Bun Bo Hue is greatly admired for its balance of spicy, salty and umami flavors. Next, we will go into the ingredients. The broth is the main ingredient that gives the soup its distinctive flavor. It's prepared by simmering beef bones and beef shank with lemongrass and then seasoned with fermented shrimp sauce and sugar for taste. Bun Bo Hue usually included thin slices of marinated and boiled beef, chunks of oxtail and pig's knuckles. Compared to Pho, the noodles are thicker and more chewy. Finally, the nutritional value. Bun Bo Hue is fully of nutrients and rich in vitamins that can provide you with an effective working session. People can treat this dish as a main meal and eat it at breakfast, lunch or dinner. This is a must- try when you visit Hue or Vietnam.
I think you do a good job of introducing your country's traditional food in the paragraph. When comparing your dish to pho, you should be a little more specific since you're comparing your traditional food to another that readers might not be familiar with.  
  
I have highlighted in green the grammatical error.  
  
Bun Bo Hue is full of nutrients ...  
Bun Bo Hue usually includes thin ...  
This is a must try when ...
## protecting animals from extinction

  
  
It is true that many animals are facing extinction in the wild, the number of them do not stop at here and always increases dramatically each day. There are lots of reasons why wild animals disappear and confront with the extinction in the near future.  
  
Firstly, if we destroy a large of natural forest to build up such as amusement parks, Villa, resort,... to exchange of developing economic, all animals have lived there will not nature place where life, birth and growing. Almost of the food, water resources, place will be completed vanish, they can not extend one's life because of so hungry, thirsty,... Besides, with the fast population growth, environment pollution and change climate contribute to mediate cause for will animals have been decreased because they don't stand under pressure about quickly change of natural.  
  
Nevertheless, all people must raise the knowledge which minimizes extinct wild animals by mean of taking part in club, campaign,... talk about protection them and environment. Besides, the government oblige to artice of law, policy in order to prevent people from hunting, defend,... a way of illegal. In addition, we should appeal to nongovernmental organization for investing zoo, nature reserve,... This place can be safer and few of dangerous for growing up of them.  
  
In conclusion, wild animals are a necessary part of natural existence, and I believe that protect them more important to raise variety species in the  
  
Earth.
Hi, there. I would like to give you some feedback about your writing.😁  
  
1. Use \*so on\* instead of \*....\*, it will make your writing become formal.  
  
2.introduction should be mentioned about not only the reasons why caused animal extinct and but also the ways to protect them.  
  
3.some of the descriptions are so redundant, (ex:Firstly, if.......and growing) try to make it simple.😁  
  
4. Your conclusion should restate the causes of the problem and remind the reader of possible solutions.  
  
Hope it would help !😁😁
Hi, I'd like to give you my opinions about your essay.  
First thing, I see you break your body into 2 paragraphs; the first one is about reasons; the second one is about measures. However, each paragraph's ideas are not very well-organized.  
  
Second, you should try to express your ideas with simple grammar structures since you have made quite many grammar mistakes. Also, be careful with verb tense. For example:  
  
"If we destroyed a vast area of natural forests in exchange for a growing economy, all animals would be extinct due to the loss of natural habitats."  
  
"Besides, governments should impose strict laws in order to prevent illegal actions cause harm to the forests."
Hi, there. I would rewrite your statement as below:  
  
There are different methods of advertisement are utilized in common media. Among them, some of are considered utterly controversial and misleading. I strongly agree that the criticism of promotion which was made by companies such as tobacco and fashion industry tries to disguise social aspect ts and give partial information. Furthermore, they tend to trigger emotion of people to lead to the wrong direction.  
  
Hope it would help.😁😁
## A factory nearby a community

  
  
**A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory? Explain your position.**  
  
A factory near a community will have an effect on the people and environment. Some people think that a factory will have the advantages for community such as economic advantages, but others believe otherwise. In my opinion, I believe that a factory near a community will have negative impacts on its surrounding ecosystem.  
  
First, wastes from the factory will have the pollution problems. A factory will produce wastes throughout the process of production in the factory. Waste management is one of the important part to reduce pollution effects on the environment. But in some country, weak control from authority will cause the waste management become inefficient. In Indonesia, some regional authorities are not regularly checking on factory's waste management. A factory with lack of conscience and weak supervision from the authority will cause pollution on environment.  
  
Second, process on clearing land and building a factory will have adverse effects on nearby ecosystem. Assembling a factory demands a tremendous process which involves heavy machinery and includes cutting down trees. These process will create a lot of noise, which can disturb surrounding animals. Clearing land will also diminish animal's habitat. All of these activities will threaten ecosystem's balance. Decrease plantation is also one of risk factors that can cause flood and landslide. Flood and landslide will further alter the ecosystem.  
  
In conclusion, a factory nearby a community will have devastating effects. Some people will earn benefits from a factory but in short and long term, it will do more harm to the community and its surrounding if it is not well planned and controlled.  
  
Hi, I have been practicing toefl writing. Please help me rate my writing. Thanks!
@ku3r  
Hi. Welcome to the forum. I'll be here to provide you with feedback on your writing. If you have more questions, don't hesitate to approach us again!  
  
First and foremost, your writing is well-crafted. However, I do find that its general flow can still be bettered. Consider trying to incorporate more transition lines to help you with writing. It would also be helpful to your readers if you will assist them in finding the logical link sin your writing. For instance, the first paragraph's first two lines appear to be rather disconnected from each other. I would suggest that you evade situations like this as it can affect the perception of your writing.  
  
Furthermore, the latter portions also need to be worked on. I heavily recommend double checking on the consistency of the form of writing you are using. Your tenses should also be aligned with each other, considering this is one massive chunk of text.
## the effects of technology for children

  
  
These days modern technology very common in our living social, in anywhere we also can see technologycal eqiupments. With that populary , now there are a lot of childs used it. But if childs were abused technology so much, it could influenced bad with kid's metal health. I have some reasons why it effect not good for them. First, when child used a lot of modern technology such as TV, laptop, ipad and smartphone. This can lead to be myopia and effect bad very much with their healthy,so its can make them more difficult to study and both daily living . Next, playing or watching for a long time it can lower their immune systerm which protect you from getting ill, also it causes metal health problems, especially it affect your energy levels, can make them feel tired grumpy. In conclusion, the childern shouldn't watch, play and use a lot of technology. childs should take part in activities overdoor instead of always use phone.
Hello, I'd like to give you my opinions about your essay.  
  
You have to check your essay carefully. I see you make lots of grammar, spelling, verb tense, and punctuation mistakes. Example:  
*... **is** very common in our **society.***  
*We can see **technological equipment** everywhere*  
*...lots of **children** **are using***  
***...effects badly to their health***  
...  
You need an article when using the word "child". Example: If a child spends much time playing video games.  
Your essay structure is not organized. I suggest you present your ideas in a more organizing way.
## the coexistence of big malls and the small shops

  
  
*Topic: In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centers or malls to do their shopping. Is this a negative or positive development?*  
  
In modern times, there has been a major shift in where to do the shopping, from local and medium-sized stores to mega malls and fancy shopping centers. In my opinion, this trend poses a host of issues as it can take away the ease of shopping near your house and even the jobs of many.  
  
People may have less access to nearby stores as they slowly disappear, causing them a lot of inconveniences. Commuting to shopping malls is mostly time-consuming as they are located in the suburb of the city. In contrast, small shops, which do not take up much space, are opened at every corner of a residential area, providing a sufficient range of products for various demands, instant or daily. Moreover, this might worsen big cities' dilemmas of air pollution and congestion as it requires more traveling by vehicles.  
  
Furthermore, housewives and retired seniors who benefit from selling groceries can find themselves short of the opportunity to earn more income. In developing countries, it is a common scene for the unemployed to establish a business out of selling daily groceries at their house. This helps to support their family financially and also cut down on a significant number of unemployment benefits from the governmental budget. Consequently, losing this flow of money makes them become the dependents in a household, shifting the burden onto other family members and society as a whole.  
  
In conclusion, however many choices a mall can offer at once, I think it is not worth the closure of many local shops, as they are better at satisfying instant needs and generating more job opportunities  
  
*Please give comment on my essay. I try to write within exam time duration so it's might not be good in terms of idea.*
@Lallity  
Welcome to the forum! I hope that this feedback becomes beneficial for your writing. Hopefully, this will enhance your chances of getting higher scores in the upcoming IELTS that you have!  
  
First and foremost, I really appreciate the simplicity of your first paragraph. Because you were able to make the thesis statement and other details brief, you had quite a convincing pattern of writing. Keep this up!  
  
For the most part, I think that you can work a bit more on logical transitioning. For instance, the jump from the main thought of the second paragraph to the third appears to be rather baffling to say the least. Try to slowly dive into the main thought prior to writing everything out as you have right now.  
  
The conclusion can still be maximized if you focus more on the summary of the entirety of the messages. Try to also add a simple sentence stating why your perspective is a reputable one. Convincing the readers that the body paragraphs have contributed to your decision will certainly help.
@Irenekiki  
Welcome to the forum. Hopefully, this feedback is helpful for you. Please do come again if you have more questions on writing.  
  
First and foremost, that first paragraph is quite messy. The first sentence appears to be a forced concoction of three different thoughts. What I would suggest is having a more simplified approach to writing, especially because you're working with such a technical theoretical content.Try to also avoid clustering together repetitive content. If we take a look at the second and third sentence of that first paragraph, it's clear that there's no massive differentiation between the two. Try to merge ideas like this together instead of wasting a bit of space.  
  
Furthermore, the second paragraph needs to be worked on as well. Take a glance at how the last sentence here appears to be rather cluttered already. I recommend trimming down all of these unnecessary details to make your essay truly pop more.  
  
Again, merge similar thoughts and try to make your paragraphs more concise. Remove unnecessary information as much as possible.
## (CO2) emissions numbers

  
  
This line graph shows carbon dioxide emissions per person among four countries, covering the period from 1967 to 2007. Overall, it is clear to see that the United Kingdom had the largest/ greatest/highest CO2 emissions, followed by a steep dip, whereas there was a significant growth in Sweden before dropping dramatically. However, there were steady increases in Italy and Portugal.  
  
Looking at the line graph in more detail, the level of CO2 emission in the United Kingdom held steady at about 10.8 tonnes between 1967 and 1977, after that there was a slow decrease to 8.2 tonnes in the following years. Sweden released 8.2 tonnes of CO2 emissions in 1967 before reaching a high point of 10.2 tonnes in 1977, and it was then plummeting at 7 tonnes in 1987. Towards the end of the timeline, a gradual decline can be observed.  
  
Following a similar pattern, there was just over 4 tonnes of emissions in 1967 in Italy, after which experiencing a slight increase before growing steeply during 1977 to 1997 and remaining constant at nearly 8 tonnes between 1997 and 2007. Portugal's emission went up slightly until 1997 before stabilizing.
@DAN770320  
Hello! Welcome here. We appreciate new people coming in all the time. Next time, however, it would be great if you could include a photo of the graph to help evaluators and fellow learners have a better idea of what you're analyzing.  
  
Generally, I appreciate how you write. You have quite a smoother transition between sentences, making it easier to comprehend a good chunk of your content. What I do find baffling, however, is how you over extend your sentences, stretching them out too thin at times. If we take a look at the second paragraph's first sentence, this should have been sub-divided into two to three more portions given how much information is stuck here.
Hello! I'm glad I came across with this helpful forum for me to get feedbacks for my writing. Please evaluate my ielts part 1 essay below. I appreciate your feedback.  
  
***Description:*** ## The diagram shows the process of making coffee.

  
  
My Essay,  
The illustration gives information about the several steps on how to produce a coffee.  
  
As can be seen, the picture showed 11 stages that need to be accomplished before coffee is available for consumption. Beginning from harvesting the coffee beans from its source and ending at the packing stage.  
  
To begin with the process, the coffee beans are harvested by hand before being dried under the sun. The dried beans will then be roasted within a container which will be cooled down immediately afterwards to make the beans as hard as it can be. A grinding machine will then be used to break down the beans into smaller pieces before being mixed with hot water.  
  
The last part of the process will proceed by freezing the mixture after it was strained to remove excess deposits. The frozen liquid will be crushed into powdery substance by utilizing the grinding machine before placing it in a vacuum container to make it dry by removing any trace of water. The finished product will then go to the packing section to make coffee jars ready for sale.  
  
*
@chibib0  
Hi there! We're glad you found the forum too. For now, I'll provide you with an extensive feedback on your writing. Hopefully, this will somehow help you in your writing endeavors. Please do not hesitate to reach out to us for more information!  
  
Generally, I think a cluster of your issues stems from the fact that you need to generalize the writing a bit more. If we take into consideration, for instance, the second paragraph, it's quite pervasive that you should have divided that mid sentence into three more clusters. Doing this will give you more benefits in the long-run.  
  
Furthermore, you can also cut down the processes in your sentences a lot more. Considering that you were trying to do a pattern like this: step A will be step B, which is going to lead to step C. What you can do is opt for something that's easier to comprehend. Something along the lines of: step A leads to B. step C means D. Being more compartmentalized with the instructions can go a long way - believe me.
## healthy food consumption in the uk

  
  
The bar chart presents information about how many people who ate five times of fruit and vegetables a day over the period 2001 to 2008 in UK.  
  
Overall, we can see that the percentage who ate the health food of the highest women in 2006 and men in 2006 and 2007 whereas children in 2007. the low of women in 2001 and men and children in 2001 and 2002 and 2003.  
  
It is clear that women had the highest percentage of eating healthy food at around 35% in 2006 and low by about 20% in 2001. Men were at high level for ate fruit and vegetables by 27% in 2006 and 2007 and the minority of fruit and vegetables at 16% in 2001 and 2002 and 2003. Children were the most by 25% in 2007 and the lower than other groups with 14% in 2001 and 2002 and 2003.  
  
*
## benefits of computers invention

  
  
*Computers are often argued to be the most important invention of the last hundred years. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?  
  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.*  
  
I would need a feedback and corrections, thank you.  
  
Nowadays, people would consider the idea of living without technology devices unthinkable, because they are essential in any field of everyday life.  
Over the last hundred years, computer usage spread throughout society, becoming one of the most important ad useful electronic devices.  
Nevertheless, the invention of computer brought about positive and negative consequences.  
Positive features regard the improvement of working conditions and methods. In fact, computers are essential for workers to carry out any interaction with clients, because all data, files and information are saved and stored in hard disk, which is the memory of computers.  
  
Furthermore, computers are exploited in the field of education. For instance, many schools have already introduced digital books, available on computers for both students and teachers; some school also created a network, which enable the communication between students and teachers. Just think that many universities offer degree courses online!  
  
Moreover, thanks to the digital revolution, everything can be done by computer. For instance, it is possible to carry out money transactions, order food, book a plane ticket, speak to people from other countries and much more on by a computer, from our houses, while sitting on our couches.  
  
It is clear that computers highly raise the level of comforts in our lives: they improve and speed any kind of human interactions and overall, they facilitate every aspect of human life.  
  
By contrast, a constant utilization of computers bring about many negative aspects.  
The scientific community demonstrated that spending much time on computer undermines human sight and posture. Many research shows that the highest proportion of people working or studying on computer experience a huge drop of their sight and they have to wear glasses. Moreover, scientists have proved that people working and studying on computer, endure strong headaches and they have many health issued related to their posture.  
  
In conclusion, I agree on the importance of the invention of computers and on the rate of wellness it generated, but I think that people should be more aware of the negative consequences. In my opinion, the government should carry out a huge instructive campaign on the risk caused by computers.
Hi everyone, I am preparing for my IELTS test with Writing skill. I hope you can fix my essay and score it in IELTS band. Many thanks! (one at a time)  
  
Essay-1:  
New stories on TV and newspapers are very often accompanied by pictures. Some people say that these pictures are more effective than words.  
What is your opinion about this?  
  
Ans:  
It is a fact that pictures are accompanied by televisions and newspapers these days. Many people like this approach of presenting pictures about the stories. In my opinion, these are indeed helpful in describing the moral and thoughts of the stories. Also, it is more valuable than words.  
  
Pictures are so handy nowadays to present the stories in short. To elaborate this, it is a tendency of people to go through the drawings and pictures before go deep into the stories described in media. Also, these are always the point of attraction to all ages of the people. Every one of us always attracted towards the picture and try to understand the meaning behind it.  
  
Further, children are fond of looking at the fascinated drawings and pictures. They innate many thoughts and ideas looking at the pictures shown in newspapers or television. For them, picture is the first impression before the stories. Hence, this plays an important role in case of the youngsters. In addition to this, many writers and entrepreneurs agree with the viewpoint about the importance of a picture in real world. According to them, pictures carry many words and offer outlook of the story.  
  
To recapitulate, it is undeniable that pictures play key role behind the stories as it narrates the moral and sensitive details of the stories. According to me, words would be too lengthy and time consuming to elaborate the whole story; whereas through pictures one can explain the viewpoint of the story in short.