dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
*Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adult. Discuss both these views and give your opinions.*  
  
## COOPERATION VS COMPETITION

  
  
While some are in favor of nourishing a competitive schooling environment, others hold the belief that children are more likely to be valuable team players when collaboration is cultivated. In my opinion, these skills are equally important and children will vastly benefit from sustaining a proper environment where both cooperation and competition are deliberately nurtured.  
  
On the one hand, being competitive could bring about a number of advantages. Firstly, it helps bring out the best in children. In spite of criticisms regarding its rather catastrophic consequences on children physical and mental development, competition is an indispensable trait for those who thirst for triumphs in both sport and scientific fields. For example, if inventors had been content to sustain the status quote, steam locomotives would have been the only mean of long-distant transportation. Secondly, children are prone to develop critical social skills through competing with other students. Regardless of the result which is either win or loss, they will be able to learn the value of hard-work, strengthen their self-esteem and tenacity. More importantly, they would acknowledge that life is a series of ups and downs, and failure will not be the end of the world.  
  
On the other hand, no one could deny the magnitude of cooperation. In addition to providing cooperative skills that are necessary later in their working lives, students also recognize that everybody has their own limitations. In other words, each of them is excellent in something but is dreadful at another thing and there is no mean to achieve success rather than working closely together. Moreover, collaborating helps ease pressure on kids, which is a major drawback caused by intense competition. A child who is lagged behind in math would benefit from the aid of their classmates in exchange for a free art lesson that he or she excels in. Consequently, students become more tolerant and proud of their aptitudes.  
  
In conclusion, cooperation and competition are imperative and children would be best benefited from mastering both of them to the extent that a proper setting is promoted.  
  
(341 words)  
  
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Please give me some pieces of advice and the band score I could reach
Kenzin, this essay had the potential to become a 7 band piece of work. Due to some specific mistakes on your part, in terms of the presentation of your discussion, that potentially high score went down to a 5. Let me explain why this happened. For starters, you are only to paraphrase, that is, state in your own words and understanding, what the original prompt topic and discussion requirements were. Under the development rules for the paraphrased statement, you are not allowed to present a full discussion of your opinion in this section. Mostly because the paraphrasing should be completed in 5 sentences, maximum, which does not allow you to properly develop the personal opinion in the essay. That is to be presented as an accurate and fully developed / discussed paragraph within the body of the essay. It should be located within one of the 3 body paragraphs. Not the opening statement. It is this mistake that totally brought down your score. Additionally, it would be in your best interest to not use idioms such as "status quo" if you are not sure about how it is spelled or used in a sentence. If you don't use the word properly then the "big" words and terms will pull down your score due to inaccurate use in a grammar setting. That is what happened in this essay. I hope you can avoid these mistakes in the future.
**ESSAY PROMPT:**  
**As the result of tourism and the increasing number of people travelling, there is an growing demand for more flights. What problem does this have on the environment? What measures could be taken to solve the problems?**  
  
Owing to the rise in number of travelers and tourists all over the world, more airplanes are providing service to meet the demand. This brings environmental problems like air pollution as well as over-exploitation of natural resources. There are a number of solutions which should be implemented to deal with the negative consequences.  
  
Firstly, the air quality will seriously be affected due to the pollutants emitted when the airplanes are flying. For instance, carbon dioxide will be released when the fuel oil is burnt to produce energy, which the amount given out is much higher than other transportations. Secondly, more natural resources will be extracted, which, when too much are taken away to provide crude oil for fuels, will result in resources becoming unsustainable. Obviously, this brings disadvantages to the environment.  
  
There are two effective key to the problem brought by the increase in number of flights. One way to tackle this is to tax short-distance travelers heavier as the gas emission charge. By doing this, the number of people travelling around by flight can be reduced, and people may be encouraged to choose other alternatives with lower emissions. Another method of dealing with the rise in number of flights is to ensure most planes are fully seated, since this can boost the energy efficacy - to provide service to most number of passengers using the same amount of energy. This solution would hopefully maximize the efficiency of an airplane.  
  
In conclusion, adjusting the taxation to a higher level and ensuring a well seating arrangement are effective in coping with this issue. If government implemented these measures, the environmental problems resulted would soon be solved.
Jason, avoid beginning your discussion of the given topic in the opening statement. That is because the opening statement is being used to judge the task accuracy aspect of your English skills. That is why you are only required to properly paraphrase the prompt and outline your upcoming discussion this paragraph. The main purpose of the opening statement is to prove to the examiner that you have a complete understanding of the given topic and the discussion method that is being required of you. The line of reasoning that you gave in your body paragraphs are excellent. You have managed to properly represent the discussion of the problems and possible solutions related to the increased number of flights. Your conclusion should have given a more definite repetition, in paraphrased form of the topic for discussion. By doing that, the minimum sentence requirement of 3 sentences would have been met. Other than these problems, your ability to properly discuss a given topic is clear in this exercise.
Hello Jason!  
  
I would just like to point out a few corrections.  
  
In the first paragraph, just start with the introduction of the topic. Focus mainly on the rising demands for flights and don't start the solutions yet.  
  
Your introduction could be made more interesting rather than simply stating facts.  
  
A suggestion for the Intro : During the turn of the century, owing to the rise of travelers and tourists all over the world, more airplanes are providing service to meet the demand. A seemingly harmless solution to an increasing demand may have such dire consequences that effect not only us but future generations as well. The brunt of this action will be on the environment causing pollution as well as over exploitation of natural resources.  
  
Your subsequent content and solutions are well written.  
  
Good Luck! :)
Jason,  
I think that your essay is really good and I love reading it. However, as far as I know about grammar , I think there are just three mistakes in this essay like:  
  
... burnt to produce energy, the amount of which given out is much ...  
..., which, when too many are taken away to ...  
  
because too many are, but too much is  
There are two effective keys to the problem brought ...  
  
I hope I can help you a bit to perfect your essay.  
Good luck!
**Topic: It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree ? (about 300 words)**  
  
## native and world history education

  
  
It is argued that national history plays a more vital role than other countries' history and therefore students should focus on their native history. As far as I am concerned, while local history lessons are crucial to children's development, world history could also benefit them a lot.  
  
There are many reasons why children are made to learn their national history. Firstly, teenagers can understand their indigenous history carefully such as significant historical events and famous heroes who protected their countries, which helps them adjust their behavior to fit the society they live in. For example, by learning native history, schoolchildren will respect their ancestors as well as express their gratitude toward their parents and grandparents. Another reason why national history is mandatory in schools is young generations can draw lessons from the process of protecting and constructing their countries of their ancestors. Using this knowledge, youngsters can deter their nations from making similar mistakes in the past and also make their countries prosper by experience collected from the past.  
  
On the other hand, young people can also gain many benefits from learning world history. It is an inevitable fact that by studying history, learners can acquire more knowledge about other nations in various aspects. Due to the close relation between history and indigenous cultures, teenagers can have a deeper insight into customs and traditions of other areas. As a result, a deep understanding of historical situations and cultures can prevent students from offending local values when travelling to other nations. Furthermore, studying world history can provide young people with experience to develop their countries. For example, the underdeveloped nations can imitate other prosperous countries such as following their educational curriculum or strategies to make their own nations flourish in an effective way.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that native history and world history should be taught all over the world because they are of the same importance.
Linh, why are you discussing a compare and contrast essay when you are being asked to represent your personal opinion on a specific matter? The prompt clearly states that you have to discuss your degree of agreement or disagreement with the given statement. This is not something that you were able to accomplish in the paraphrasing / opening statement. Neither did you successfully argue one side of the discussion , as required, within the body of paragraphs. Therefore, it is obvious that your lack of understanding of the prompt requirement has prevented you from properly addressing the prompt requirements.  
  
This essay cannot score higher than a 3. That score is based upon your failure to properly address the task that you were given for the essay. I am sad to give you that score but that is the reality of your work. Instead of a compare or contrast, you should have picked one side to defend in the essay by closing your opening paraphrase with ; *"While I believe that the learning of world and national history are of equal importance, more attention must be paid to the learning of national history to a larger extent based upon several reasons."*  
  
Based upon the mistakes you made in the overall discussion of the essay, your concluding statement also became flawed and improper. You even added new information in your concluding statement, which further showed that you are incapable of properly closing an essay. The proper close of this sort of essay should merely summarize the given topic, the discussion provided, and a repeat of your opinion, if required. Then the essay can close is complete. Saying "In conclusion, I would like to reiterate that..." would have been sufficient to have your concluding statement follow the necessary parameters of a properly developed essay discussion.
## the capacity of universities is limited

  
  
It is true that the number of universities are increasing to meet the high rate of youngsters after leaving school. While I agree that it is impossible, I consider that it is useful for the student.  
  
On the one hand, there are a variety of reasons why establishing too many universities is not possible. Firstly, the government will have to spend more on building universities. Furthermore, The cost of running and maintaining these schools to educate the students would be very high and the government does not receive benefit from this. Second, admission would be less competitive, as such, the standard of university would be lowered. For instance, various universities have opened in Vietnam recently with low entrance grade, which leads to many unemployed graduates.  
  
On the other hand, providing university education for (missing word) high proportion of young people is beneficial in some way. The first is studying at university helps youngsters to pursue higher education. Therefore, they will have more chances to get higher paying jobs than people who do not study at university. In addition, students have plenty of opportunities to enlarge their knowledge and nurture their essential skills in the areas they want. As a result, there will be an increase in the number of skilled workers.  
  
In conclusion, while it is clear to see that the countries can not provide access to university for high proportion of youngsters, I believe that establishing many universities in a suitable way is useful for youngsters.
Hi@dangvan  
When wroting essays, you introduce a new point in a paragraph. Example: Reasons for eating. In para 1,I will write, to eat. In para 2, to live and so on. You did not effect this in the forst paragraph. Here is the correction.  
  
On the one hand, there are a variety ...  
**Firstly**,  
Insert Firstly or First of all or To begin with in a new paragraph.
Dang, in all instances, please remember to post the original prompt requirement along with your response essay. That will help me to better asses your written work and its compliance with the scoring rubic for your test. As of now, the general review for your essay will be given, without taking compliance and relevance to the original discussion topic into consideration. Now, your discussion is well developed and presented. However, you failed to properly expand upon your personal opinion, a requirement of the essay when you represent a personal opinion in the opening statement. It is understood that you outlined the discussion in the opening / paraphrased statement and therefore, will be presenting expanded discussions in the body paragraphs. That is precisely the reason why you are not allowed to present even a partial discussion of your personal opinion in the opening paragraph. That is something best represented in the a stand alone paragraph. Now, bear in mind that all the paragraphs need to have a minimum of 3 sentences in order to be considered a well developed / discussed paragraph. Your paraphrased and concluding statement do not follow this criteria and as such, will result in a marked down score for your essay.
**Some people believe that a country will be able to be economically success and also have a clean environment. Some people disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.**  
  
## clean environment during fast development?

  
  
It is considered by some that a country can attain success in both economic development and environmental protection at the same time while there are others who believe that it is impossible to have the win-win situation. In my opinion, I believe while a country perform well economically, the environment must be harmed to a certain extent, so a country can only try to maintain a balance between the two areas.  
  
On the one hand, many think a country can enjoy clean environment even when it is developing rapidly in the business sectors, as it is believed that investment in environment protection can be made to ensure the natural habitats be protected. In other words, designing well urban planning by the government would be an effective way to maintain a nice and clean environment, in addition not hindering the development of a country.  
  
On the other hand, constructing more buildings and inventing more new technology are two fabric of an economically strong country, which these two actions will surely disturb the environment and emit many pollutants, consequently result in poor environment, namely poor air quality and terrifying water pollution. For example, the removal of trees to build roads as well as the burning of fossil fuels for electricity generation for the smooth climb up in economic areas of a country, will lead to a less clean environment.  
  
Finally, in my opinion, the environment will be harmed undoubtedly under the economic success of a country, but still the level of harmfulness of development can be minimised by carrying out different protection methods. For instance, introducing pollutants emission levy or taking actions in replantation of trees can reduce the disturbance to the natural environment, maintaining a balance between development and environment protection.  
  
In conclusion, destroying the environment cannot be avoided if a country wish to be economically success admittedly. However, protecting the environment by introducing various means can still be an achievable way to return the country a relative less unclean environment.
Jenny, you have written a very well discussed essay. The two opinions public opinions based upon the prompt requirement are some of the best that I have read in all my time as a contributor at this forum. You did very well in representing your personal opinion as well. Creating a stand alone paragraph for your personal opinion shows an advanced writing level on your part as you knew that the personal opinion needs to be presented as a separate but integrated part of the essay. The only problem that I have with your work is that you are not familiar with the sentence structure development rules yet. You tend to create run on sentences instead of using full stops which would have helped you to create simple to complex sentences that would have helped to boost your final score. This would also help you meet the proper paragraph sentence requirement of between 3-5 sentences. If you use full stops, you could create a properly developed paragraph. At the moment, your paragraphs are too long per sentence. Learn to divide the sentences and your paragraphs as part of your grammar accuracy exercises in your next essay. This is the main problem that I can see with your writing. It isn't anything major that can't be corrected over time. Try to accomplish these changes in your next practice test.
[R][i]Some people think a job not only provides income but also social life.Others think it is better to develop social life with people you do not work with. Discuss both views.  
  
A career is an important element in a person's life as it can decide whether one is successful or happy. Some consider that when people work, they do not only care about income but also create a good relationship with their colleagues. Others argue that it is better to widen your circle of friends with someone else besides people whom they do not work with. In my opinion, befriending with people outside the workplace is necessary but it is also important to keep a friendly environment in there.  
  
Making friends with colleagues is useful as it can help the working experience be a lot healthy and enjoyable. Firstly, the office is where people spend half of their day. Therefore, it would be very depressing and stressful when they do not talk or communicate with anyone in the working hour. Furthermore, only the people that they work with can understand profoundly what they have to go through so that together they can comfortably share or help one another. Networking in the workplace also help people climb higher in their career ladder, bring them many promotion opportunities.  
  
On the other hand, friends outside the workplace can put people out of their thoughts on work and help create a variety of relationships from different careers. People do not live all their life working after all. If their job becomes overwhelmed, it is only relaxing when they hang out and talk about other topics besides work with their friends. Also, making friends with different people with different jobs is indeed helpful. For instance, a person who is an engineer when sick can seek instant help from his acquaintance who is a doctor.  
  
In conclusion, friends who are either colleagues or not are great because they can be helpful in many situations related to work or personal life.
Hang, when you write the opening statement, you are instructed to only restate the topic for discussion and the discussion type within the paragraph. You are not allowed to present nor discuss your personal opinion in the essay. Therefore, your opening statement should have merely indicated that you would be discussing your personal opinion of the issue later on in the essay. That said, I did not see an accurately developed personal opinion in the essay. Are you sure you were being asked to present a personal opinion by the original prompt? I did not see such an instruction in the directions that you posted. If you write a personal opinion when it is not required, your essay will be scored down due to a lack of understanding of the essay instructions. So double check and make sure that you responded accurately based upon your copy of the instructions. Avoid any score mark downs as best as possible because you need to increase, not decrease your scores. Your discussions in the body paragraphs are solid and informative. It creates the opinion that you are familiar with the topic for discussion and that you are speaking from personal knowledge and perhaps, experience. The only problem I have is that you did not offer an expanded personal opinion discussion in the latter part of the essay. So I think there might be a misunderstanding regarding the prompt discussion instructions. Other than that, you did some pretty good work in discussing the provided topic.
The graph below shows information of employment rates across 6 countries in 1995 and 2005.  
  
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## Employed people in 6 countries - statistics

  
  
The graph displays the rates of employment in Australia, Switzerland, Iceland, UK, New Zealand, and USA in 1995 and 2005. The data is divided into male and female.  
  
In all six countries, male employment rates overcome those of female. One of the widest gaps was seen in Australia. Male rate went to almost 60 percent while female was less than 30 percent in 1995. The gap was still as wide in 2005, with the male reaching to almost 70 percent and the female to almost 40 percent. Iceland and New Zealand also showed considerable gap between female and male employment rates. On the other hand, the differences between the sexes in Switzerland, UK, and USA were not as notable.  
  
Overall, all countries experienced growth in employment rates, both for male and female. The amount of growth was similar for each countries. which was in the range of 10 to almost 20 percent. The highest in 1995 went to the male group in Iceland at 70 percent. Iceland continued to hold the record for the highest employment rate in 2005 with its male residents at over 80 percent.  
  
*
Hey Katya!  
  
It's written well overall.  
  
Start the description by speaking about the general picture : the rise in occupation among men and women in all countries where the survey was done. Then proceed with the specific and intricate changes in each country during the 20 year time gap while also providing comparison with the other countries.  
  
Instead of using the term 'male rates/female rates' over and over, try using other terms such as employment among men/ women or other sentences. This helps to avoid repetition of phrases and emphasizes on the fact that you have a wide vocabulary.  
  
Good Luck! :)