dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere.  
  
To what extent do you agree with this view?  
  
Arts comprise of the forms of literature, theatre, museum and visual arts, which represent our cultural heritage. It is not uncommon to regard government's expenditure on arts is redundant in view of the urgent need of medical support, healthcare and infrastructure in society. Nonetheless, I strongly disagree with the provided statement and the government should allocate resources on the arts for its sustainable value.  
  
First and foremost, arts are vitally functional with their motivation, aesthetic and relaxational value in today' stressful world. Notwithstanding the fact that investment and maintenance fess on museums and art galleries is immensely costly, entertainment is of utmost importance for maintaining human's standard of living. Specifically, it is undoubted that appreciating historic artifacts and sculptures for free, or enjoying a marvellous opera show can be uplifting after a week's hectic work. Consequently, the availability of art forms helps to upkeep work-life balance in a city.  
  
Furthermore, employment opportunities are provided by arts industry. What individuals would like to see is a living place with ample choices of job. Had the government sponsored arts, more careers would be created. To exemplify, not only curators, performers and musicians, but also authors and artists are demanded to fill up the posts in countries such as Britain and France where the arts are highly supported by the states. Needless to say, cultural and creative art related careers necessarily boost the economy, in particular in developing countries demanding on the public purse.  
  
Viewed as a whole, having been furnished with government's sponsorship on the arts, a city is able to sustain a positive development mentally and economically. Ultimately, it is beneficial to continue the existing mode of art funding.  
  
*Please comment and estimate band score*
Hi @kmc,  
Your essay was so well-written with a wide range of complex lexical resources. I was like wow when I read yours. There are just a few minor mistakes in your essay that I found:  
  
1. It is not "allocate resources *on* the arts". The right preposition is "to"  
2. I think that you forgot the "s" in the phrase "in today' stressful world"  
Overall, great essay. I love the diverse vocabulary that you showed in this essay. I think that your band score for this essay is 7 - 7.5 (maybe 8 but I'm not sure about this).  
  
Let's share opinions on each other's essays in the future, shall we? It would be a pleasure to learn from you.
***The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children's sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.***  
  
The first chart illustrates the expense on British children's sport from 2008 to 2014. The second graph compares the number of children taking part in football, athletics and swimming in Britain during the same timescale.  
  
Overall, the money spent on children's sports experienced an increase between 2008 and 2014. It is also clear that football remained to be the most popular sport among Britain children during the same time.  
  
In 2008, British parents spent 20 pounds per month on their children's sport. Since then, this amount of money increased by 5 pounds every two years, with 25 pounds in 2010 and 30 pounds in 2012. This figure then peaked at 32 pounds at the final year of the period  
  
As can be seen from the second graph, the highest number of junior participants in sports was recorded in football. It stood approximately at 8.5 million in 2008 and rose to 9 in 2014. While swimming was second to football in terms of attendances in 2008 with 2.3 million participants, its figure was then overtaken by that of athletics in 2011. During a six-year period starting from 2008, athletics surged and reached 4.9 million in 2014.  
  
*I'm preparing for an IELTS test and this is my writing. I hope the contributor can give me some feedback and advice on improvement, and a suggested band score if possible*  
  
*
Hi, I'm not a native speaker but I'm glad to help you with your essay.  
Overall, your essay is well-structured and easy to understand. There are just a few mistakes such as:  
**the expense of**  
I think "of" is more correct.  
**British children's sports**  
You sometimes forget the "s".  
**This figure then peaked at 32 pounds...**  
I wouldn't use "peak" for the figure at the end of the period.  
**During a six-year period...**  
From 2008 to 2014, there are 7 years: 2008,2009,2010,2011,2012,2013,2014.
**## Happiness is considered very important in life.

  
Why is it difficult to define?  
What factors are important in achieving happiness?**  
  
It is true that happiness is extremely crucial to people's life, whereas it is an abstract ideal to be define. There are several basic methods to increase the levels of happiness.  
  
The state of happiness is abstract. People learn the ideal of being happy from media, books and academics, whereas it is difficult to define because it depends on people's goals, background and physical health conditions. For example, people living in a democratic country think that living in North Korea is a disaster. However, according to a recent survey, it revealed that North Korea citizens' the levels of happiness are higher than people living in a democratic country, such South Korea, because they fell satisfied. As a result, those reasons make it difficult to define.  
  
Even though happiness is hard to define, there are various basic factors to get happy. Firstly, a healthy body usually contributes to a healthy mind, so doing exercise is one of the ways to achieve happiness. According to the recent study from Harvard University, it revealed that people who do vigorous exercise every day tend to have low chance to suffer mental problems, comparing to people who live a sedentary lifestyle. Secondly, having emotional support and daily conversation with families or friends is other factors. People are social animals, if they do not fit in certain groups they would like to, they are inclined to feel isolated and loneliness. The feelings of those will lead people to be unhappy. Finally, finding something you love is also important to achieve happiness because you can get satisfaction and sense of confidence from them; thus, you will be happy.  
  
In conclusion, while the state of happy is an abstract idea, there still are several ways to get happy. (290)
Tapir, a direct response essay tests your current events and exposure to popular opinion and information. It is not an essay that will be scored well when you always say "according to a recent survey" or "according to a recent study from Harvard University". You do realize that you will not be able to do research at the testing center right? There will not be a computer that you can use to do that. That's why you have to rely on your personal insight, understanding, and definition of what happiness is all about and how to achieve it. Just all the other essay tests, this is a single personal opinion essay. So you will score downward because of your reliance on researched information that, in one instance, doesn't even have an actual source.  
  
Now remember, the opening paraphrase still relies on the 3-5 sentence format for the paragraph in order to help increase, not decrease your TA and C&C score. You failed to do that in the opening and closing paragraph of this essay so expect points deductions for improper paraphrasing on both ends for your essay. Keep in mind that the concluding summary is expected to repeat the important reasons or discussions in your essay as a closing presentation to the reader. It should never be only 1-2 sentences long in either instance.
Hi Okapi99,  
Overall, I think that your essay is quite well-written with a wide range of vocabulary related to the topics. There are some minor parts in your essay I would like to comment:  
  
1. "As a result, those reasons make it difficult to define." -> "As a result, those reasons make *happiness* *complex* to define."  
In your sentence, I think that "it" is not quite clear, so that's why I suggest that you use a specific noun there. Also, I think that you can elevate the word "difficult" to a higher level word like "complex" so that you can avoid using the high-frequency words in your essay.  
  
2. Instead of using "something that you love", try "passion".  
3. I think you can use other phrases other than "get happy" like "find your state of happiness" or so. It would sound much more academic.  
  
I'm not an expert teacher, but I hope that my comment can help you somehow.  
Good luck.
*Research shows that business meetings, discussions and training are happening online nowadays. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?*  
  
## Online work activities

  
  
This is my essay  
In recent decades, among the development of technology, there has been a growing trend of calling a meeting, discussing or even training online by some companies. Although the trend is not without disadvantages, the upsides can justify these.  
  
There are a number of reasons why working online can have broad-based benefits for the company. First, calling a meeting or discussing online enables people to save more time and to work with more comfort. For example, a meeting can be delayed due to the terrible traffic jam which makes people going to the workplace late, especially the meeting is called overseas. Second, training online not only help individuals to save time but also to save money. It should be noted that some large companies organize a training in an area which trainers have to spend a budget on either living or ticket airlines, especially the international corporation.  
  
On the other hand, working online does pose certain disadvantages. It should be acknowledged that the quality of the internet connection has an imperative role in the online discussion. Therefore, it can be implied that if the internet connection is interrupted, the discussion can be delayed or even the secretary have to rearrange this discussion. In addition, since discussion happening online, there would be some misunderstandings between people due to the indirect meeting which means there would be no face-to-face encounter. In fact, studies have shown that when a problem occurs, people tend to notice either the gesture or the motion of the opponent in order to get their thinking and therefore, the problem can be solved easily.  
  
In conclusion, since the disadvantages can be managed, calling a meet or training online are too overwhelming compared to they are otherwise. This benefits not only the companies but also the efficiency of the employees  
  
I'm practicing writing and this is my third essay. I have an IELTS test in two month, so it would be very helpful for me if you can spend a little time on looking for mistakes in my essay. Thank you very much
Trung, since this is your first posting here, I will assume that this is the first essay that you have ever tried to write for a Task 2 test. It will help to explain the series of errors in your presentation, the confusing discussion in some aspects, and the way that you have not properly constructed the sentences in most instances.  
  
A general rule for the essay writing test is that you must avoid writing run-on sentences. What is a run-on sentence? It is a sentence that is composed of several ideas, separated by a comma rather than a period. The run-on sentence is a sentence that, due to the lack of a proper sentence topic / subject, becomes confusing to understand as the sentence does not make a definite point or have a clear discussion supporting it. For example, the opening paraphrase of this essay is a run-on sentence. While it covers most of the information from the original paraphrase, it is difficult for the reader to remember. That is because it does not accurately represent a prompt restatement. A clearer sample of a prompt restatement and discussion for this topic follows:  
  
*There has been a shift from meetings, consultations, and skill enhancements being done in a face to face manner to technology based counterparts. This development can be seen as a positive trend. However, it does have disadvantages as well. This essay will discuss whether the advantages of this professional development is more advantageous rather than disadvantageous.  
  
One reason that this method is considered advantageous is that...  
  
However, this method also has drawbacks. One drawback is that...  
  
In the end technology has provided...  
  
To conclude...*  
  
Clarity is of the utmost importance in your sentence discussions. When you present confusing sentences such as;  
  
since the disadvantages can be managed, calling a meet or training online are too overwhelming compared to they are otherwise.  
- What do you mean by "compared to they are otherwise"? It doesn't make sense. Information is missing in this instance.  
  
Also, you neglected to consider that if a meeting is overseas, a traffic jam will not matter. A traffic jam only matters when reporting to work within the same country. Also, all business meetings are done via video conferencing for international business meetings these days. Therefore, the meetings are done face to face and misunderstandings are easily avoided.  
  
Being a comparison essay discussion, you were on the right track with your discussion presentation when the prompt discussion instruction is considered. Let's begin your improvement by noting your mistakes in this essay and having you avoid those in your next practice essay. As you progress, your errors will be corrected and your writing will improve in the process.
Some parents do not want their children to work part time while in school so that they can concentrate on their studies. Other parents believe their kids should learn to manage study and work duties as this teaches them certain skills they cannot learn at school and therefore better prepares them for the real world  
  
Discuss adv and dis of both views  
  
## Part time job during study or not

  
  
Some parents are unwilling to let their children work during their studies saying the school should be their sole focus, while others encourage their children to balance their studies with work. Both perspectives have their merits and drawback as this essay will demonstrate.  
  
Having a job is beneficial for developing some useful tools such as time management, networking and multitasking skills which are essential for one's career , regardless of the occupational goals. In this way , children learn to balamce their studies and work schedules and will be able to manage career and home live in the future as a result. Take for example working mothers, they do their tasks professionally and still have time to bring up children.  
  
Conversely, focused students are likely to achieve better academic results, thereby securing admission to higher-tier schools. It is because abilities to focus on one thing at time will reflect the ability to complete the task at a higher level of proficiency. Some argued tgat the modern workplaces now demand soft skills, where these children might come up short , unlike their peers who may develop these skills through their interaction with a great variety of people.Yet, as career become increasing specialized, the ability to hone particular skills may ultimately trump sociability.  
  
With the above in mind, it is clear both approaches have positive and negative aspects. While the part time workers may gain multitasking skills, the academic students benefit from a better focus on their task.
Su, the reference point in your essay is off. You need make various references within the paragraphs to the parental line of reasoning. That is because each reason must come from the parents pov. Your current presentation doesn't make that clear. The simple reference to parents reminds the reader about who is speaking or being discussed throughout the essay.  
  
Do your best to avoid mere restatements of the prompt reasoning as you do in your current presentation. Boost the restatement with additional information that supports the pov being discussed. While you do a good job of restating the reasons provided, you always stop short of giving a full explanation based on the sample you provided. A sample must always be explained. Limit your paraphrase to 2 sentences, using the remaining 3 sentence allotment to better explain the meaning of the sample.  
  
Your concluding paragraph deviates from the prompt. There is no mention of the parental point of view, discussion reasons presented, and a proper closing sentence. These would help to increase your TA score as you better showcase your English comprehension skills based on your given discussion.  
  
In relation to this, your opening paragraph has a run on sentence in the opening presentation. Split the sentence with a period instead of a comma. 3 clear sentences are better scored than a single run on sentence in terms of gra scoring.  
  
While your work was good and shows a degree of high scoring potential. There is still room for improvement based on small errors and omissions in your work presentation.
**The table below shows  
## the monthly expenditure of an average Australian family

  
in 1991 and 2001**  
  
The given table demonstrates the expense on a monthly basis of a typical household in Australia in two years, 1991 and 2001. In general, there was witnessing an increasing amount of money expending on almost all sectors, except for clothing and transport.  
  
In particular, the expense of food was rising moderately from 155 dollars per month to 160 dollars per month. Likewise, the average Australian family had expended approximately 95 dollars monthly by 1991 on housing. This figure rose minimally to 100 dollars per month in 2001. In term of electricity and water, there was a nearly doubled in the quality of money which cost 120 dollars per month in 2001.  
  
In contrast, clothing and transporting were two sectors that typical household in Australia had a tendency to expend less on over the period of 10 years. While it is noticeable to note that the expenditure on clothing was declining slightly from 30 dollars per month to 20 dollars per month, there was less than halving money expending on transport on a monthly basis, falling dramatically to 45 dollars per month  
  
*   
*the table below shows the monthly expenditure of an average Australian family in 1991 and 2001*
Duc, you missed presenting a 4th paragraph in relation to other expenses presented in the chart. A task 1 essay always scores the highest when it presents a 4 paragraph analysis and report of the given information. It also helps you meet the minimum word count using only important words and information instead of filler words. 4 paragraphs means you did not miss any information for presentation in your report paraphrasing. No conclusion is required in an analysis essay.  
  
Your opening summary would have also been more complete if you outlined the given information as a listing summary in the opening paragraph. That is because the opening summary must create the outline of your discussion presentation for the reader. Likewise with the currency identification as it was clearly indicated in the graph. That clarity is required work regards to the currency as there are various dollar denominations available internationally. In this case, the table represents the Australian dollar currency a fact of great importance to the report.  
  
Overall, this is a well developed report that lacks certain information that would have helped to boost your general scoring considerations.
*Topic: The two pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Canada in 2005 and 2010.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.  
  
Write at least 150 words.*  
  
*My essay*:  
The two pie charts give information about the proportion of four retail sectors in Canada in 2005 and 2010. It is clear to see that, over five years there were a significant changes in their proportion of online transactions.  
  
In 2005 the most significant online sale was Ellectronics and Appliance which accounted 35% , but this percentage dropped to 30% in 2010. Over the same five-years period, there was a significant increased in Food and Beverage from 22% to 32% that made this became the largest amount of online sales for retail sectors in Canada.  
  
With the regards to the remaining to methods of selling. There was an approximate 5% growth in Video G ames online sales from 18% to 23%. Home Furnishings in 2005 was a good proportion. But over five years in 2010 this figure decreased noticeablely in sale from 25% to 15%, making it the retail sector with the least overall proportion of the online market.  
  
*
Minh this is a pretty solid analysis of the pie chart. You covered all of the bases for presentation except 2 parts. In the first paragraph / summary overview, you failed to indicate the 4 retail sectors as part of the required information. So the electronics and appliance, food and beverage, home furnishings, and video games should have been included in that outline.  
  
You also do not have a clear trending statement at the end that indicates how, over the 5 year period, the growing trend was an increase in the sales of food and beverages in the online retail sector. It would have been alright to repeat the information in more specific detail in the next paragraph because the first paragraph is only a summary of the information to be presented anyway. You could have even offered a comparison trending statement that informed the reader that the trend was a growth in the F&B sector and a decline in home furnishing sales over the 5 year period.
## The changing rates of crime in the inner city from 2003 to 2012

  
  
The line graph illustrates how many crime-related incidents is occurred in the inner Newport city over the course of 10 years starting in 2003. 3 categories of crime, namely burglary, car theft and robbery.  
  
Looking at the chart, it is immediately obvious that, from 2003 to 2012, the amount of robbery and car theft cases experience a remain relatively unchanged trends, with the exception of a downward trend in burglary rate.  
  
The robbery was not a popular crime in Newport city center during the period of 2003 to 2012, due to the number was fluctuated between 500 to 1000 cases in those years. With the same movement, the rate of car theft crimes was recorded in keeping to change under 3000 and hit a low at 2000 incidents in 2006.  
  
The number of burglary incidents saw a decreasing by more than 2 times in the 10-year period from 2003. The crime stood at nearly 3500 burglary cases in 2003 before reached a peak at around 3750 cases in 1 year later.  
  
*   
*The chart below shows the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in Newport City*