dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
@maria4506  
*Hello!*  
  
Welcome to the forum. *Let's take a look at your essay to help you.*  
  
Be cautious of the construction of your sentence structure. I notice that you have a tendency to create lengthy sentences that do not necessarily abide by academic/appropriate standards. If you can strip down and omit particular terms that are irrelevant to the overall content, I recommend that you do so. This technique will help you sharpen your writing.  
  
Use appropriate terms as well when you are writing. The issue is sometimes that we cannot determine the forms that we need to use for a specific word. When in doubt, it's always beneficial to double check with other people or reference materials. This will train you to proofread your own work with ease.  
  
In addition, don't capitalize the word earth - this is neither a pronoun nor a special word that requires this formatting.  
  
All of these comments are mostly tied to the essay's overall structure.  
  
**Let's revise a few portions of your essay.**  
  
It is evident nowadays that environmental degradation has become a global issue that needs to be urgently solved.\* To get through this obstacle, some people say that the government should take policy-based measures because individuals cannot have drastic impacts. However, I strongly disagree; I think we all hold the responsibility to protect our planet.  
  
*\*Notice how saying urgently instead of saying "to be solved as soon as possible" created more space in your essay. Using terms that will optimize your content will go a long way.*  
  
Apply these comments to your essay. *Best of luck as always!*
Topic:Computers are often argued to be the most important invention of the last hundred years. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?  
  
## the greatest invention of the last decades

  
  
My essay:  
There is an argument about whether computers are the best invention of all time or not. Some of them, included me, completely agree with the statement that computers are the greatest invention of the last decades.  
  
First of all, computers are regarded as the most useful tools to store information. With a small computer, you can save for more than thousands of documents, videos or photos as well. As everyone knows that inside every computer has installed a modern micro-chip which helps them to store anything the users want. In comparison with the traditional libraries which can just contain a certain number of books, novels... and one of the things makes it inferior to computers is that it is impossible for us to bring huge libraries whenever we prefer to read some books while traveling.  
  
In addition, intelligence is also another feature turns computers to be the most momentous invention up till now. With a computer from the oldest to the most modern ones, there is no problem for them to make hundreds of calculations no matter how difficult and complicated the equations are. Moreover, it gives us the most convenient service to relieve ourselves after a daily rat race thanks to its intelligence: chatting with distant relatives or friends no longer a hard point for us with the help of computers, for instance.  
  
On the other hand, not all that the computers bring to us are the best. Also, they have many other drawbacks that need us to consider. For example, because of its convenience, fast and usefulness, human now became more and more dependent on it. We often see the others keep concentrating on the screen, spend full time a day on computers, and even children now our desire to stay in front of the screen to glue their eyes to the computers instead of hanging out with friends.  
  
In conclusion, no one can deny the key role of computers in our life, as well as computers, are the most powerful invention as recognition. But in fact, we also should use it as a tool for lightening our work rather than become the servants for it.
@melanienguyen278  
*Hello!*  
  
First and foremost, I think that your essay is well-written! You were able to establish your thoughts and create a decent grounding for your facts and arguments. That being said, I would recommend that you try to be cautious of the structure of your sentences. I have noticed that often you stretch out your structure, making you incorporate irrelevant and unnecessary words in between. Straightforward always works best.  
  
Secondly, play around with your transitions. While I know that you are using conventional transitions (paragraph to paragraph, sentence to sentence), I recommend trying to create more organic approaches. Develop your own intuitive style to cultivate your writing techniques.  
  
Lastly, be cautious of the following: punctuation and preposition. You had minor grammatical slip-ups (albeit are easily correctable - no worries!) that can influence the overall output you have.  
  
**Let's revise a few parts of your essay to give you an example of what I mean by these.**  
  
There are debates on whether or not computers are the best invention of all time; I agree with this statement.\*  
  
*\*It is unnecessary and dragging for you to repeat that phrase after this clause.*  
  
First of all, computers are useful tools in storing information. With a small computer, you can save thousands of documents, videos, and photos. Modern micro-chips installed in computers help store these data for users. In comparison, traditional libraries are limited, making them inferior to computers. [...]  
  
Notice how I integrate together sentences; try this technique as well! This will go a long way with your writing.  
  
*Best of luck in your writing endeavors!*
## socializing online

  
  
Nowadays, people tend to chat with others online through social network and spend less time on real-life communication. Many think that this situation is good while others held the opposite opinion. However, i strongly agree with the increasing use of social network for several reasons.  
  
Firstly, online chat can bring people together. Since it enables us to connect with people all over the world, websites like Facebook are necessary in some cases. For example, if you want to talk with someone who is currently aboard, it is impossible to fly from here to there just to speak to him or her in person. Therefore, social media appears to be the only solution  
  
Secondly, by joining online community, people can show their true selves. Many people feel shy to communicate with others in real life. However, it is a completely different story when it comes to texting on the internet. While chatting, they don't have to reveal their faces, therefore, they feel more comfortable and confident to talk about their hobbies and habits. As a result, they can find people with the same interests more easily.  
  
It is also true that social media makes people less talk to others. A significant example is that when you come too a coffee shop, you will see a lot of people sitting in front of the others, using their phones without saying a word. However, i think that this is up to everyone's will to change. If they do want to speak to others, they should go to a non-internet cafe or force themselves to put their phones down.  
  
In conclusion, i think that using social network can do you good. Because thanks to them, we can have better connection with people.
@chiruha  
*Hello.*  
  
Some key points I would like to detail out:  
  
1. Be consistent with your usage of forms.  
2. Watch out for sentences that may lack/have excessive punctuation.  
3. Don't create overbearing sentences by adding too many words that are irrelevant to the content that you have.  
4. Integrate your thoughts and strategically curate your sentences. Doing this will let you use more techniques in writing that'll be beneficial for you to be more expressive and interpretative with your content.  
  
**Let's take a look at what you have in your essay and revise.**  
  
People nowadays chat with others online through social networks, causing them to spend less time on real-life communication. There are opposing opinions regarding this; I think it brings certain benefits.  
  
Firstly, online chat brings people together. It enables us to connect with people all over the world. Even if a person is residing overseas, we can have means to communicate. Social media sites like Facebook bridges people together.  
  
[...]  
  
If you can create a more organic flow with the transition between your sentences, this will be beneficial for your essay's structure.  
  
*Best of luck with your writing.*
some words I think you can change just to make your essay more informal ( a little bit :3 )  
-easily -> readily  
-like -> namely  
-impossible -> unfeasible  
Besides, you should not use your personal sentences in your body paragraphs "i think that this is up to everyone's will to change. If they do want to speak to others, they should go to a non-internet cafe or force themselves to put their phones down" and try to omit words "it is a completely different story" -> unnecessary
*Some people belived that the best way to improve road safety is to ban the teenagers from travelling on the street.  
To what extend do you argee or disagree? What is your opinion?*  
  
## Teens as the main threat on roads?

  
  
A few individual think that the government prohibit the adolescents commuting on the street on a regular basic is considered the ideal methods in order to limit effectively the increase of accidents. From my point of view, I partly agree with the above statement for a few reasons which i am about to mention in this eassay.  
  
First of all, I belived that a defficiency in awareness about traffic law of adolescent might breed a wide range of detrimental consequences. Teenagers who are regularly aggressive and even reckless do not adhere occationally traffic law, which witnessed in a listed action such as jaywalking, commuting on the street without helmet, crossing the red light and so on. If the autorities only allow citizens being complete mature as well as having silence commute on the street, it could make considerably a decrease in injury and fatality as a result of crash.  
  
Howerer, I personally say that it is not the most effective way to put the brake on the growth of accident due to having other hundreds even thousands of reasons could lead to happen a crash at a slight or serious level. They typically are diver drinking alcohol, poverished infrastructure of road or quantity of commuters on the street. In addition, everyone involving adolescents and aldults has the right to commute on the street which included in civil right. Therefore, there are plenty of direct methods to diminish serious accidents, for example, the government could impose a few strict ban on traffict as a fine for people who break the traffic law together with incentivizing residents using public transport in lieu of private vehicle.  
  
In conclusion, as I mentioned, adolescents are not the key factor causing the majority of crashes so that the goverment should ban reasonably laws in order to carry out possibly.  
  
Plz mark my essay and give me some feedbacks!
Hello, you raised a good argument of not fully being in support, but you had a few spelling errors.  
Some include:  
~~belived~~ should be believe  
a few individual = a few individual**s**  
basic =Basis  
methods = method  
eassay = Essay  
defficiency = deficiency  
Occationally traffic law = Occasionally to traffic law  
I suggest you use spelling and grammar checkers so as to use the correct one.
**THE PROBLEM OF AGING POPULATION**  
  
***In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of aging populations.***  
  
Today, people's average life span has vastly lengthened. The main problem this causes is a burden in national finances and the most viable solution is a public awareness campaign boosting young citizens' effort to ease this financial pressure.  
  
The principal problem associated with people living longer is that more national money is consumed to take care of aged citizens. This is to say that, with the increasing number of senior citizens, more elderly homes are needed to accommodate them sufficiently. To do this, the government has to spend a substantial amount of national revenues to build more retirement homes resulting in a huge financial problem. For example, the Korean government is facing extreme difficulty with its national budget after spending too much money on providing caring houses to old people.  
  
To tackle this problem, the government should launch a publicity campaign in the media and in schools to raise people's awareness about this issue and encourage young generations to work harder. When the young are aware that their parents are a part of financial burden to the country, they will likely oblige to work with extra efforts to help boost the country's economy and lighten such burden. Such an awareness campaign will shed some light on this situation and allow people to be more open and honest about it. For instance, many young citizens in Germany are working more than 8 hours per day to support governmental spending on housing the elderly.  
  
In conclusion, as people can now live longer than ever, the pressure in national money occurs when building elderly homes, however, the government's awareness campaign will be of great help to elevate this problem by motivating younger generations to work harder.
Hello!  
  
You have put forward a fair essay, but here are the drawbacks that I can find.  
I will try to offer a few suggestions.  
  
Firstly, always try and divide your essay into an introduction, a body and a conclusion paragraph.  
This will help you to put forward your ideas in a concise manner and it would also be easier for the examiner to go through it.  
  
Introduction means only to introduce the problem. Talk about the distribution and burden of the problem. DO NOT OFFER MEASURES TO REDUCE THE PROBLEMS WITH AGING HERE AS IT WILL BE PART OF YOUR ESSAY BODY.  
  
Your introduction paragraph here "The main problem this causes is a burden in national finances and the most viable solution is a public awareness campaign boosting young citizens' effort to ease this financial pressure.", according to me would have been a good body or conclusion/ending statement.  
  
Another issue I notice is that you have spoken only about financial burden as the problem and not highlighted any other issues.  
  
I would suggest you to think of what are the other problems associated with increasing life span -  
Example : Increasing burden on the health care system due to more cases of dementia, fractures from trivial falls. Poor quality of life of these aging individuals and so on.  
  
Introduction - All over the world, the average life span of individuals has been increasing due to the human development and higher standards of living. As the life span increases, it comes with it's own set of problems and burden to society.  
  
Body of Essay - This is where you talk about all the problems associated with increasing age. List all the problems you can think off and then offer suitable solutions.  
  
You can use your existing essay, but just add up points to it.  
  
Conclusion - Highlight the main idea and conclusion drawn from your essay.  
  
Good Luck!! :)
[b]I agree that children should have a pet. The first reason is that they will be responsibe when they have a pet beside . Because kids have to feed, bathe and bring them walking out. Therefore, children learn important skills to taking care of another living creture. Another reason is that kids do exercise more. Having a pet help children to get outdoor and cuddle a pet reduces stress, loneliness, anxiety. Moreover, playing with dogs may help them lower blood pressure. The last reason is that pets will be their friend or their sibling. Kids are the only one no have sibling, a pet helps them feel less lonely, bring joy and fullfillment. Children also learn how to " share" their parent's time and their own space. Kids are more respectful, more kind, and have a big love for the animal.  
  
p/s: please, help me check my grammar , my sencentes , and everything you feel unlogic. because my writting skill is not good.  
thank you so much.
@changcap  
Hi there!  
  
Be cautious of the forms of the words that you use in your essay. Watch out for the way that you transition between your sentences. You can do this through trying out more organic means. Imagine as though you are uttering the sentences, not necessarily writing everything. This will give you more of an idea of how naturally write. The progression of your transitions should also be relevant and appropriate to that of what would be the formatting of your overall text.  
  
Be wary of the punctuation and preposition that you have; all of these facets *would contribute to the formality of your essay*. This academic standard is critical in determining how your essay will flow.  
  
**Taking a look at what you have now, we can make the following revisions:**  
  
I agree that children should have pets. Firstly, once they are responsible enough, it will work out. As having pets require being responsible and proactive: feeding, bathing, and walking them out. Children are exposed to learning important taking care skills. Furthermore, they are also encouraged to exercise more with their pets. Having pets can also help reduce stress, loneliness, and anxiety; this can lower the overall blood pressure, relaxing the individual. [...]  
  
Notice how I had tried to incorporate various techniques in the process of writing. Doing this will enable you to have your best foot forward.  
  
Best of luck in your writing endeavors!
## Crime rate and technologic solutions

  
  
The crime rate nowadays is decreasing compared to the past due to advance technology which can prevent and solve crime. Do you agree or disagree?  
  
(can you check for my writing as well as helping me understand when to use the crime, a crime, the crimes, crimes)  
  
It is often argued that people nowadays have been witnessed a dramatic decline in the number of offenders compared to the past. Although I believe that technological improvements have been positively contributed to this phenomenon, I partly think, as the technological evolution, the crimes are also evolving to other sophisticated forms which are harder to prevent.  
  
On the one hand, the incidence of crime is significantly decreasing with the assistance of high tech. Nowadays, the availability of developed technologies is helping citizens and authorities to easily detect unusual activities and protect themselves as well as their property from the robbery. To be more specific, from public to private places such as streets, center malls, shops and houses have security systems installed; for example, the surveillance cameras. These useful equipment benefits to hindering the possible thefts and to identify the stealers. DNA testing and fingerprinting are also supportive tools for the police tracing the culprits. However, most of the crimes which show a descent in number are likely to be the traditional crimes whose active areas can be quickly specified such as fraud, theft, blackmail, forgery,...  
  
On the other hand, we are living in the era of internet; everyone is relying on it for most of activities ranging from chatting to friends to transferring money. This vast network is an appealing target for illegal activities. As a result, the traditional crimes are shifting over to the new form of crime which is cyber crimes. This crime emerged along with the rapid development of the hi-tech; cyber crimes use the internet as a tool to steal information in the individual and nation level, negatively effect on one's reputation and risk the nation finance's health as well. Therefore, the diminishing of the traditional crime can be the sign of the rising of a more dangerous one, cybercrime.  
  
In conclusion, it is true that advanced technology assists in reduce a considerable number of traditional-offenders, there is still challenging to arrest the new high - profile cybercrime whose damage can be within a large scale.
@Krystal318  
*First and foremost*, the usage of the word would be depending on the context. You can mention the crime if you are talking about a specific instance. You can say a crime if it's in a broader sense. Really, this is all about trying to figure out the specifications of the details you wish to portray.  
  
In addition to this, I think that your sentences are quite stretched thin in some instances. This means that you should try to be as straightforward as possible to ensure that you do not get lost in translation. Now, having said that, I suggest approaching your writing this way to have more an organic form.  
  
**Let's revise a few parts of your essay in accordance.**  
  
There has been a dramatic decline in the number of offenders compared to the past. Although I believe that technological improvements have contributed to this, crimes are also evolving into more complicated forms. This has made them harder to prevent.  
  
[...] Nowadays, the availability of technology has helped citizens and authorities detect unusual activities to protect their properties from robbery. Specifically, the installation of surveillance cameras for security purposes has made public and private spaces safer. [...]  
  
Try to avoid being repetitive with your words. This will not benefit you in the long-run because you'll end up not optimizing the space you have in your essay.  
  
*Best of luck as always!*
## governments should pay more attention to this matter

  
  
To control environmental damage and global warming caused by the air travel industry, the governments worldwide agree to extend the cost of flying in hope that people will fly less and reduce the carbon dioxide released to the atmosphere. I agree with the plans however, the governments should pay more consideration on the drawbacks raised along with the plans' progression.  
  
The price of flying tickets increases would consequently lead to a lower demand for air traveling. The air companies should consider to reduce the number of flights and plains in general. Moreover, the higher flying free would be an incentive for both the airline organizations and plains producer that higher technology released less air pollution should be invented. Because nowadays, people are more aware of the environmental effect of their machinery. For example, if they can choose between a normal car and an eco-friendly car, most people will decide to buy the second one.  
  
On the other hand, the price-increasing plans also have some weaknesses. First, instead of using airline traveling, people's choices turn into train, car, board, ... that are time-consuming and furthermore, the amount of pollution would increase as the longer time that the travel needed. It is likely that the more vehicles used individually, the more trafic jam and carbon dioxide released. The governments had better prepare plans for alternative public transportation before pricing higher flying free.  
  
In summary, decreasing the number of air traveling is a good idea for lower the environmental damage. However, the governments should fulfill the plans by including further consideration in alternative vehicles.