dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
IELTS Book 8 Test 1 Task 2  
  
***Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.*  
  
## Discuss both your views and give your own opinion.**  
  
It is true that parents shoulder responsibility to teach children how to be good members of society. However, I argue that school is the main place where children learn and practice to be good members of society.  
  
In my opinion, schools allow students to understand the importance of being a good team player and obedient more effectively which are expected in society. It is well-known that school is regarded as the 'microcosm' of society, what schools require students to do is what society demands of. For instance, students comply with school rules showed they are obedient, while engaging in team activities indicated students are able to be a good team player. I believe these elements are vital for students' future career path and keep society to run smoothly. However, given that schools have large class sizes. I doubt whether teachers can access to every students' characters and personalities, and then squeeze time to teach students about these social core values- being a good team player and obedient.  
  
Alongside the influence of school, parents are also in charge to teach children to be good people of society. Eversince childhood, kids have been taught that they should be polite, humble and willing to share by parents through various taeching materials like story books and cartoons. When taking a closer sight at it, we can find that these teachings are all knowledge-based and these mean that they are not practical enough when compared to schools, since schools provide platform for true human interactions which is similar in society. Also, as children reach puberty, they are more susceptible to peer influence instead of parents, school then become the main stage for students to learn to be good members of society.  
  
In conclusion, while parents and schools are essential for children to gain social core values to be better person in society, I believe that school is way more effective and practical to achieve this aim.
You did not follow the prompt requirements. It appears that you thought that this essay was a single opinion presentation. It is actually a 3 point of view essay presentation as per the discussion instructions. You were asked to; "Discuss both points of view and present your own opinion". That made it a 3 opinion discussion presentation. However, you do not just present the opinions, you have to explain it as well.  
  
There are 2 public points of view that you have to explain in this essay before you present your own opinion:  
  
POV 1: Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society.  
POV 2: Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.  
POV 3: Whichever public POV you tend to support or, a totally different point of view if you so desire to discuss  
  
The essay that you wrote does not follow the expected format for the discussion. An alternative discussion presentation would have been:  
  
POV 1: Explain the public point of view, add your dis/agreement within the discussion and explain why.  
POV 2: Explain the next point of view, again add your dis/agreement towards the end of the paragraph and explain why.  
  
Between the two formats though, I would suggest that you use the first format, until you become fluent enough in discussions to be able to combine two differing points of view in one discussion paragraph.  
  
Do not misunderstand, you presented a pretty good discussion. It is the presentation format that was incorrect. The presentation format is always indicated in the discussion instructions of the original prompt. That is always formed either in the form of a question or, as opinion discussion instructions. Be cognizant of the discussion instructions so that your essay will always follow the correct presentation format.
## Oil annual consumption & oil employment/unemployment rate

  
  
**Chart A below shows the rate of oil consumption (in millions of barrels) in a small country from 1950 to 2010. Chart B shows the number of people employed in the oil industry in that country and the rate of unemployment throughout the country over the same time.**  
  
*Write a report summarizing the information. Select and describe the main features and make comparisons where relevant.*  
  
ANSWER  
The line graph gives information about the annual use of oil within a timespan of 60 years in a country, while the table illustrates oil employment and national employment in that country during the same period.  
  
Regarding the oil consumption, the figure registered 20 million barrels in 1950, and remained stable in the next two decades. Since then, the amount of consumed oil witnessed a nearly three- fold increase, peaking over 50 million barrels in 2010.  
  
This trend was also reflected in the number of workers in the oil industry. Fluctuating around 1000 people from 1950 to 1970, the number climbed significantly by three times, which reached 3100 at the end of the period.  
  
Turning to the national unemployment rate, around 4% of the population was jobless in between 1950 and 1970. However, there was a discernible improvement in the country's job situation, as the rate declined by over 2% in the following 40 years.  
  
Overall, there was a correlation in the consumption of oil per year and the number of oil industry workers. In the meantime, the unemployment rate also more than halved throughout the period.  
  
(187 words)  
  
*
There is a 3 sentence minimum requirement for the task 1 essay. You should be writing between 3-5 sentences or 175-190 words overall. Even though you wrote less than 190 words, your report still lacks proper formatting due to the sentence requirement per paragraph. Next time, make sure to use more full stops (period) than commas in your presentation. Never present 2 different ideas in one sentence, using only a comma to separate the ideas. That is why you fall short of the sentence requirement and, you do not appropriately use various punctuation marks throughout your essay.  
  
When you write this type of essay, make sure to completely paraphrase the discussion. Avoid using phrases from the original prompt so that you can increase your LR score. In this case, you still used the phrase "in a country", which is too similar to the original. You should have instead said "in an unknown, limited sized country" to restate the phrase "in a small country". The word "unknown" indicates that no name for the country was given in the image and "limited sized" refers to the "small" size of the country.  
  
Overall, the problem of your presentation lies in the run-on sentences. Try to come up with a better mix of complex and simple sentences, without writing long sentences that do not properly represent the requirements of the GRA scoring considerations.
## resident's sum expenditure on goods

  
  
The two pie charts compare the percentage of resident's sum expenditure on six categories of goods and services in a European country over two separate years( 1958 and 2008).  
  
Overall, it is evident that the amount of money was allocated for all aspects, except clothing, changing quite significantly over a 50-year period.  
it can be seen from the charts, food accounted for the highest proportion of people's spending with 32% in 1958. However, this figure fell considerably to only 12% fifty years later. The opposite trend can be seen when we look at the luxury goods segment. The period from 1958 to 2008 saw substantial growth in the percentage of spending on this segment, becoming the second favorite item and having the same figure with the travel or transport sector.  
  
In addition, while the proportion of budget spent on housing rose dramatically from 22% to 32% in 2008, European people paid out for entertainment decreased nearly twofold, which took up only 6% at the same time.Turning to the remaining sector, over the five decades ensuing experienced a slight drop by 2% in the percentage of the money was used for clothing.  
  
*
I cannot review your work against the chart that you uploaded because the image you included for this report is the incorrect one. You are talking about expenditures but the image you uploaded indicated figures for library visit. In light of the wrong image that you uploaded. I will only be able to do a grammar review for your work. Please be careful next time. Double check the image you attached before you upload it with your paper.  
  
**(WARNING! STUDENTS MUST NOT UPLOAD THE IMAGE FOR THE OP !)**  
  
I would have to say that you wrote just the right amount of words for the report presentation. The presentation however, requires more work. The summary overview lacks information such as the outline of the data provided, measurement type, and a clearer trending statement. You should also make sure to separate your presentation into paragraphs, clear separations per paragraph. Additionally, make sure you always start your sentences with a capital letter.  
  
The comparative discussion should be completed within 2 paragraphs. The first paragraph is the summary overview and the next 2 paragraphs, should offer an extended discussion of the trending statement. The content of those 2 paragraphs should show the similarities and differences, or overlapping information points. I cannot truly determine the accuracy of your presentation due to the lack of the image. This is the best review that can be done for your work at this point.
## preservation of the wildlife creatures

  
  
Individuals opine the differing views in term of the preservation of the wildlife creatures. While some argues that the protection should be hold for all the animals which live in the natural habitats, others lay toward the point that human should only protect a few of them. From my personal perspective, I believe that people should protect some endangered species due to its necessary and the limitation of human resource.  
  
On the one hand, there are several main reasons to support the preservation of all creatures in the planet. Each living life is deserved to live freely and comfortably in the nature. However, because of the severe pollution and over exploitation caused by human activities, the natural habitat are destroyed and many species are in the brink of extinction. Also, the connection between all creatures reminds mankind to protect all of them in order to maintain the balanced ecosystem. However, I inclined this notion is a short-sighted view. It is clear that not all of animals are beneficial for both nature and human life. Take mosquito as an clear example, despite being the food of some insects, mosquito are responsible for the most animal-related deaths. Dengue fever, another mosquito-borne disease, has become a leading cause of hospitalization and death among children in some Asian and Latin-American countries.  
  
Therefore, it could be preposterous if people try to protect these animals.  
  
On the other hand, some endangered species should be urgently protected. The world witnessed the disappearance of millions wildlife animal king due to the catastrophic environmental contamination through daily activities. It is easy to read plenty of updated news about the deaths of half population of blue whales because of the plastic intake or only 30 African Native Rhinos has left in the world. Those animals are the paramount importance in the natural process, without them, many other species would suffer the negative impacts which eventually lead to the die-out. Moreover, biological and scientific research could be insufficient in the invaluable genes from them which aim to produce the medicines for human treatments. Another cause is that human do not have enough funding and supports to protect all species because there are many compelling issues such as overpopulation, high unemployment rate or extreme poverty needed to be addressed. Therefore, it could put financial pressure for government which ultimately lead to the tax rise.  
  
To sum up, although it could be beneficial if human might be capable to protect all kind of species due to its equal rights and values, however, I strongly believe that the a few animals in the red book need to be protected necessarily.
Woah! You are practicing for an IELTS test, you are not writing an academic paper. Why would you type up 436 words for a 20 minute task? You do realize that there is no way you can write that many words during the actual test right? Even if you were taking the computer based test, you would still need to allot at least 10 minutes for the review of the essay you have written. You have to learn to allot time properly to complete the task with review, editing, and revision included.  
  
You should be dividing the time as follows for task:  
  
10 minutes to outline the paper  
20 minutes to draft the paper  
10 minutes to revise the paper  
  
You have made several errors within the task that would truly limit your ability to pass the test. Do not over write. Overwriting is just as bad as underwriting because you make more errors when you focus on length instead of clarity and quality of writing. Stay within the suggested 275-290 words for the total essay. You cannot go wrong by writing just the right number of words in your essay.  
  
You tried to show off your vocabulary in the essay, which led to the under development of the discussion topics you presented. Even though you presented a tremendous amount of information per paragraph, you did not clearly explain your reasons, examples, and justifications for your examples in your paragraphs. You should not be using more than 2 inter connected topics per paragraph. Ideally, you should be using only one topic sentence per paragraph so that you can focus on the clarity of your presentation.  
  
You are not scored on the word count. You are not scored on your knowledge, you are not scored on your vocabulary alone. You should be showing your ability to write comprehensively in English with a mix of simple and complex sentences. The writing should be well developed, clear, and concise. All of the latter traits are missing in your current work.  
  
Errors:  
  
Singular v. Plural presentation:  
... the natural habitat are - the natural habitat is (habitat is singular)  
  
Indefinite article usage:  
mosquito as an clear ... - ... as a clear (a before consonant sounds, an before vowel sounds)  
  
Comma usage:  
... natural habitat is destroyed , and many species  
  
There are several more errors in your writing that need to be addressed. However, this post will become too long if I address all of the errors you made. The errors I pointed out, along with my review of the mistakes in your presentation should help you get started on doing your work properly the next time around.
Hello, please help me check my IELTS writing task 2. Thank you in advance for your feedback.  
  
***Schools concentrate far too much on traditional subjects which do not adequately prepare students for the realistic demands of the modern working world*.  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Creating a proper curriculum for school is always a matter of many educators. There is an existing idea that a great concentration is made on traditional subjects, which is supposed to be no longer adequate to equip job-orientated skills for students. While many people find feasible subjects lucrative, others insist on the benefits of long-established ones. Pondering upon this issue, I hold a strong interest on the later perception.  
  
First and foremost, a more secured success in recruitment is what I put in my priority. What students expected to gain after school is high skill of knowledge acquisition, which is highly likely to guarantee successful employment in the future. It cannot be denied that academic basis provided by schools is inevitably pivotal in the modern society. Thanks to schools' priority in primarily focusing on theoretical subjects, students will inaugurate the skills, theories they gain during study progress into practice. For instance, based on different types of writing styles pupils learn at school, they have high skills of writing CV. Therefore, students are offered a great chance of recruitment and become qualified employees.  
  
The further point holds no less importance in my argument is all-round development of students. Needless to say, traditional subjects play a fundamental role in imparting academic and professional knowledge. First of all, in the process of learning science subjects, such as Mathematics, Physics, Chemistry, Biology, critical, analytical thinking skills which are valuable experiences and make individuals dominant in workplace will be promoted. Moreover, studying History will broaden one's horizons on different ancient civilizations motivate them to explore diverse cultures. Similarly, while reading pages in Literature, both vocabulary and imagination will scale up and enhance. By and large, those who attain academic knowledge have irrefutable advantages in the modern working world.  
  
In conclusion, success in future recruitment and all-round development are tenable reason for my preference. Taking my analysis into meticulous consideration, I believe that students whose have learning spirits will stand more opportunity to glorify their future.
Please remember that this 40 minute task has to be edited and finalized in terms of content. Do not focus on the length of the essay because you run out of time to edit the paper. The mere length will not assure you of an overall passing consideration. You need to leave at least 5 minutes to make sure that there are no spelling errors, no incorrect vocabulary usage, no unclear sentences or paragraphs. You have all of those problems existing in this essay. Had you written an essay between 275-290 words in length, you would have avoided those errors and also allowed yourself some time to perfect the essay content.  
  
For starters, you did not really respond to the extent question in the essay. What you gave as a response was:  
  
*Pondering upon this issue, I hold a strong interest on the later perception.*  
  
What is the latter perception? Did you even realize that your total paragraph, because of your unreasonable focus on trying to impress the reviewer with your vocabulary, you failed to properly paraphrase the original prompt? You did not express a clear thought in the prompt paraphrase. Your paraphrase even contains information not included in the original prompt. The more appropriate paraphrase would have been:  
  
*Educational institutions tend to focus on conventional learning courses. It is commonly believed that these forms of learning are no longer capable of equipping learners for modern occupational conditions. I strongly agree with this belief for various reasons.*  
  
You have to clearly rephrase the original topic and reason. After that, you give a clear, pointed response to the question posed. That is how you properly paraphrase the original presentation. Your presentation was nowhere near a proper paraphrase because you veered away from the original discussion through the reference to the question of curriculum creation, which wasn't the discussion focus of the essay at all. Hence the improper paraphrase and the confusing response to the question that you created.  
  
Your discussion topics are incorrect. The ability to write a proper resume has nothing to do with the preparedness of an individual to perform his job. Rather, it is the proper practical training that should be the focus of your discussion at that point. Your second reasoning paragraph is even further off the discussion topic. Your reasons would have probably been more applicable had you provided proper discussion examples and supporting explanations. Right now, all your paragraphs lack clarity and coherence. Which will be main reasons why it will get a low score in the end.
## pursuing tertiary education - is it still worthy?

  
  
**(Please help me with my ielts writing essay below. Thank you ! )**  
In recent days, pursuing tertiary education is one of the ideal ways to succeed. In other words, the certifications gained from university can be a passport to apply for any job placements easier. However, I suppose that this trend could have both positive and negative consequences for our society.  
  
It can be seen that nowadays, going to the colleges or universities will be a strength to seek for jobs easier, especially for fresh graduate students because almost employers from small companies to international incorporations always feel more favorable with candidates who have an excellent educational background rather than people who do not. Besides, more and more people pursuing higher education can contribute positively to boost the economy of their nation. For instance, once people got a graduate degree from university or college, they can open the door to better employment prospects and can earn lucrative money to improve their quality of life. In this way, the state budget to pay for the cost of living of impoverished families could be reduced and the money will be used for other purposes such as improving infrastructure and constructing public amenities.  
  
Nevertheless, pursuing tertiary education is likely to have some certain drawbacks that affect directly to our society. One of the main problems is the lack of workforce in manual works. In the UK, for example, people nowadays are interested in office work or noble careers such as doctors, teachers, and professors that lead to a shortage of numbers of manual workers like plumbers. As a result, the services are therefore had to be paid with the exorbitant price. The second issue is that people pursuing higher education nowadays are tend to focus only on academic knowledge but forgot to gain hand-on experiences, which is probably as important as specialized knowledge to apply for better jobs in the future.  
  
In conclusion, while going to university is the ideal way that leads people to success, I think that this option also has drawbacks in some circumstances.