dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hi nurainiyusuf16. Here are my suggestions for you.  
I hope it can be helpful for you  
  
1.  
  
The information goes back from 2001 to 2007 and covers english and french languange teachers  
when you write as it is written above, it means that "the teacher having a nationality of France, teaching a language". you should use the hyphen (French-language teachers) to make sure that the meaning of the sentence above is same as the question is.  
  
2. "Meanwhile" is using when a thing happens. here is an explanation from CALD  
until something expected happens, or while something else is happening  
Carl's starting college in September. Meanwhile, he's traveling around Europe.  
  
3. ~~The number of english and french languange~~the number of english-language and french-language teachers stood at the similar point.  
  
4. Generally, it can be seen that ~~demanded~~demanded for~~of~~ french languange teachers bigger than english teachers.  
  
5.  
  
The range of french teachers has remained fairly stable ...  
Use present perfect tense when you found that the graph shows the data to the present time. For example: the number of Indonesian people who study abroad from 2000 to 2016(until present) has increased significantly.  
  
Suggestion:  
some of your words are misspelled. before you finish your text, it would be better for you to check your words double.  
  
Goodluck !
Hi Aini.  
These are my thoughts towards your writing. please, review mine.  
^\_^  
  
~~The line graph gives information about...~~A BREAKDOWN OF PERCENTAGES FOR FOR FRESH TEACHERS GETTING A REGULER JOB IN ONTARIO FROM 2001 TO 2007, A 7-YEAR PERIOD IS PRESENTED IN THE LINE GRAPH. Overall, ~~a number of teachers who teach english ...~~ IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT THERE HAD BEEN WIDELY A GAP BETWEEN THE NUMBER OF EDUCATOR TEACHING BOTH ENGLISH AND FRENCH LANGUAGE . ~~Generally, it can be seen that demanded~~ MOREOVER, DEMAND of french languange teachers HAD BEEN bigger than english teachers.  
  
*Note: "Meanwhile" is a transitive word. It is put at the first sentence and used to merge two sentences bacause that is not a conjunction. Besides that, before you upload your writing, you should reread your to make you sure that what you write is what you mind.*  
  
INITIALLY, The number of english ...  
It was about 70 percent ~~in 2001~~ . F*or the following year, the number fell by 20 percent.*(You describe the data safely. remember your job in the writing task 1 that you have compare the figures.)  
  
*Turning to the body paragraph 2, you still described the data separately. Well, you can inform the data to readers, but it did not seem interesting. You are supposed to compare between the figures of french and English teachers. If you do not conduct like that, you cannot reach the score more than 6.  
  
On condition that you wanna find the sense of writing task 1, you should read the examples of writing task 1 as many as possible. After that, you have to provide more time to practice again and again.  
  
keep spirit  
GOOD LUCK*
Hi. this is my suggestion.  
1. The number of french teacher slightly rose and hit...  
i think you can use noun= "a slight rise" or verb="rose slightly  
i think it more suitable if you use "highest"  
  
... rose slightly and hit the highest point at ...  
  
2. The number of english and french languange stood ...  
don't forget write nation with properly rule. e.g: English and France  
there are many miss spellings, it should be like this:  
  
The number of English and French language stood at similar point. It was about 70 percent in 2001. For the following year, the number fell by 20 percent.  
  
3. there are many repetitive like when you notice "percent" may you can change with write in picture form like (%). so your serving information more attractive  
  
good luck
1. it can be seen that DEMAND of french language teachers HAD BEEN bigger than English teachers.  
(Be careful with grammatical sentence)  
2. The number of french teacher ROSE SLIGHTLY and hit a high ...  
( Be careful with simple past (subject+V2)  
3. ... and french language TEACHERS stood at similar point AT 70 percent in 2001.  
... the number OF BOTH OF THEM fell by 20 percent.
**Do you agree that money is the only motivation at work why people prefer working in the same company for many years?**  
  
Some people have a tendency to work at same company everyday only to earn money. This essay would deny with such an idea as except money, the working experience as well as the personal satisfaction are the reasons why they keep working all day in the same workplace.  
  
It is generally believed that earning wages is not as satisfied as having experiences in different situations during office hours. The reason for this is that workers spend all-day in same workplaces to analyze any tasks, decide their solution and execute through actions based on their decision, which indirectly have exposed them to different challenges. For instance, there are almost 50% of workers out of 1000 workers who feel happy while working in the same office as they get numerous variations of experience even though they already have potential in solving some of them according to survey in well-known company. It is true that experience in unfamiliar workplace is as important as money needed to keep their lifestyle.  
  
Aside from what is explained above, personal joyfulness is more likely to be the reason why people do their job sincerely. This is because doing job over and over again seems bored to most officers who already have enough income and experiences. Therefore, they tend to enjoy either what they have chosen to work or unexpected occupation they had. In 2009, national survey that analyze the aim of people working showed most of old people aged 40 and above were working for emotionally fulfillment rather than having luxurious accommodation. It is undeniable for people working in the same place for personal satisfaction reason.  
  
To conclude, not only money-oriented officers who are generally occupying the total workers in the office, but also there are several people who like to achieve excellence in facing work tasks as well as feel enjoyment in their occupation. This is because learning the ways how to handle their jobs require effort even if they already understand them, while bored feelings towards work may change in a way how they should feel happy about it. In addition, it is predicted that other reasons, such as, insurances and pension are aimed by workers to do their job in similar company.
Hello,  
Hope you doing well, lemme give you some corrections  
  
==> ... tendency to work at (the) same company every ...  
==> This essay would deny with such an idea as except money, (tend to make me confuse)~~the~~ working experience(s)(,) as well as the (...) they keep working ~~all day in~~ (at) the same workplace.  
  
==> ... that workers spend all~~-~~ day (long)in same workplaces (try to paraphrase this word, "in the office") to analyze any tasks, (...) and execute ~~through~~ actions based on their decision  
  
==> For instance, ........................ potential in solving some of them (,) according to(the) survey in (a) well-known company. It is true that experience in (the) unfamiliar workplace is as important as money need~~ed~~ to keep their lifestyle(keep their life going well) . (you can complete your paragraph with a result from the instance)  
  
==> Aside from what is(has) explained above,  
==> This is because doing (a) job over (...) bored to most (of) officers who already ...  
==> In 2009, (a) national survey (from where? you can mention the place) that analyze the aim (...) showed most of (the) old people aged (...) working for emotional~~ly~~ fulfillment (fulfilment ) rather than ...  
  
==> ... and pension are aimed ~~by~~(at) workers to do their job in (the) similar company.  
  
\* you did not mention your statement, agree or disagree? you have to address it at the introduction and conclusion, so it will make your essay more clearly  
  
\* try to make multiple ideas  
  
you have done great  
good luck and keep writing :)
Fadhil, your conclusion is not properly developed. I do not know if you were taught this in class but, you are not allowed to present additional supporting or contradicting information in the conclusion. You are only supposed to provide a conclusion to the discussion presented. That said, You should go back and review your essay. Make sure that the facts you are presenting in the conclusion at the moment is given its own paragraph so that you can write a new and proper conclusion instead.  
  
I would score this a 4 on the IELTS band for a number of reasons. Your logical development is faulty and sometimes, does not have complete thoughts. Your grammar is sometimes not understandable so the reader cannot really identify what it is you are trying to say. Finally, you did not format the essay properly as I explained above.
**Writing Task 1 - The diagrams below show the design for a wind turbine and its location.**  
  
The diagrams show a turbine that can be moved by turbine and where it can be placed. The turbine consists of blades, wind sensor, generator, steel tower, and computer. Overall, it can be seen that wind turbines can be located in different places and it will give different output, benefit, and drawback.  
  
The process begins when a blade which is made by fiberglass or wood is pushed by wind; generator will turn and generates the electricity. It can produce 1.5 megawatts. Afterward, speed and direction of wind is controlled by wind sensor. Finally, computer is used to decide where the best direction for turbine to get optimal wind is.  
  
Turbines can be placed in three different places. Firstly, it can be put in the sea where it does not disturb the scenery. Secondly, domestic turbine was located near local home. It will give 100 kilowatts for electricity output. And the last, it can be placed on the hill where there is wind with highest power.  
  
*   
*Question*
Hi Mr. Mardian. Here are my corrections for your essay.  
  
The diagrams show a turbine that ...  
it should be: "The diagrams show a turbine having blades that can be moved by wind"  
  
... seen that the wind turbines can ...  
  
generator will turn and ~~generates~~generate the electricity  
  
... direction of wind ~~is~~are~~controlled~~ by wind sensor.  
(controlled or monitored?)  
  
I hope you it can be useful for you.  
  
Goodluck!
hallo.. here my suggestion for you  
  
... that can be moved by ~~turbine~~ (I think you have typo here.. because the turbine can not move turbine. I think wind is the most appropiate)  
  
The process begins when ~~a blade~~BLADES(ACCORDING TO THE PICTURES THERE ARE MORE THAN ONE BLADE IN ONE WIND TURBINE) which ~~is~~ARE made by fiberglass or wood ARE pushed by wind; generator will ...  
  
From the picture, there is sentence "landscape not spoiled". However, you did not put and explain this sentence. so be carefull..
The line chart shows the information about the percentage of the number of teacher who have regular jobs according to year of graduation. The graph illustrates the fluctuation of the number of English and French teachers in Ontario between 2001 and 2007.  
  
Overall, there was a downward trend of the number of French teachers. The highest number came from English teachers.  
  
According to the graph, there was a dramatic decline of the number English teachers, from 75% to 40% in the three-first years. In the next year, rose slightly to 45% in 2005. And reached bottomed at 28 percent in 2007.  
  
On the other hand, the number of French teachers fell by 17% in 2002. After that, there was a significant increase of 69%. In the four years later, there were a steady rise and fell again by 2 percent in 2006. After that reached a peak in the end year, at 73 percent.  
  
In conclusion, the number of French teachers larger than English teachers. And in the end of the year French teachers peaked, but the French teachers were opposite which bottomed below 30%.  
  
*
..., from 75% to 40% in ~~the three-first years~~**the first three years** . In the next year , **it** rose slightly to 45% in 2005 . And**it** reached ~~bottomed~~**bottom** at 28 percent in 2007.  
  
1. The first three years not the three first years  
2. In the next year..... in 2005 ---> REPETITION. You already mention the next year in the beginning, then mention 2005.  
3. Avoid to use "and" in the beginning because it is informal  
4. It reached ---> It (Subject) + reached (verb)  
5. bottomed ??? I don't see it in dictionary. Bottom ---> noun . Bottomed ???  
  
After that, there was a significant increase ~~of~~**to** 69%  
6. of : dari . to : ke  
  
After that, **it** reached a peak in the end **of the**year at 73 percent.  
7. It + reached ---> Subject + Verb  
8. the end year ---> end (noun) + year (noun) ???? add of the to separate it.  
  
~~And~~ in the end of the year, French teachers peaked, but the French teachers were opposite which bottomed below 30%.  
  
9. What your mean there ? French naik then french opposite ????
1. it is not necessary to add conclusion in your last paragraph because you had written it in the first paragraph  
2. it will be better if you divide it into 3 paragraph.  
3. you still confused about grouping the problem  
  
The highest number came from English teachers. (this is an unclear sentence. between 2001 and 2007, which one is the highest? or you should mention a trend)  
  
... from 75% to 40% in the ~~three-first~~**first three** years.  
And reached bottomed at 28 percent in 2007. (be consistent to write percent and %)  
  
~~In the four years later~~**between 2003 and 2006,** there were a ...  
  
And in the end of the year French teachers ...  
and is a conjunction which is connected 2 noun/gerund/or else. you cannot use it in the first sentence.
... of the number ofEnglish and French teachers in Ontario between ...  
  
English and French teachers==>recruitment==> miss-understanding  
  
The line chart shows the information about the percentage of the number of teacher who ...  
The graph illustrates the fluctuation of the number of English and ...  
pay attention on your essay and question, and both of them have difference meaning  
  
year of graduation ==>year when the teacher graduate from their student.
... who have regular jobs ~~according to year of graduation~~**based on the graduation years**.  
  
... downward trend of the ~~number~~**rate** of French teachers.  
  
..., there was a dramatic ~~decline~~**declining** of the ~~number~~**total** English teachers, from 75% to 40% ~~in~~**within** the three-first years. In the next year, **it** rose slightly to 45% in 2005~~. And~~**and** reached bottomed at ...  
  
... a significant ~~increase~~**improvement** of 69%.
Hi badafebriani17. Here are my suggestions for you.  
  
... the percentage of the number of ~~teacher~~teachers who have regular jobs ...  
  
Overall, there was a downward trend ... The highest number came ...  
according to the data, you didn't specify the year of the statement "The highest number came from English teachers". let's see in 2007, you will see that the percentage of French teacher is the highest.  
  
... decline of the number of the English teachers,  
After that, it reached a peak in ... ==> don't forget to write the complete sentence.  
  
also, don't rewrite the conclusion because you wrote your overview in your first paragraph to avoid repetitive sentence.  
  
Goodluck!
The diagrams illustrate turbine by using wind to produce electricity and where it is usually located to gain electricity. Overall, it can be seen that while it is a simple method to produce electricity by using wind, its installation will be difficult in some extent related to places.  
  
It is clear that a wind turbine consists of two main parts, blades and tower. Blades are usually made from fiberglass or wood. Also blades are also added with wind sensor connected to computer which is close to tower to adjust direction and angel of blades. Another main part of blades is generator producing energy power up to 1.5 megawatts.  
  
To get maximum energy, the turbine can be installed in two different locations. On the one hand, the wind turbine can be located on the top of mountain where wind blows with maximum strength. In contrast, another turbine can be set up close by coast line. Although wind in the sea is not as strong as in the mountains, a wind turbine in coast line has landscape which is not spoiled. Another location which can be set up is near residents, called the domestic turbine, but it can just generate a little harnessing power, 100 kilowatts.  
  
**(204 words)**  
  
*   
*writing 1 turbine*
The ~~diagrams~~**figures** illustrate turbine (...) electricity ~~and where it is usually located~~**which aimed at**~~to gain~~**gaining** electricity.  
... in some extent related to **the**places.  
  
.. of two main parts, **namely** blades and tower.  
~~Also blades are~~**It is** also added with (...) computer which ~~is~~ close to tower to ...  
  
To get maximum energy, ~~the~~**a** turbine can be...  
~~In contrast~~**While the other one**~~another turbine~~ can be set up ...
Hello,  
Hope you doing well, lemme give you some corrections  
  
==> The diagrams illustrate turbine by using (the) wind to produce electricity  
==> Overall, ............... to produce electricity by using (the) wind (you can use another word for using wind such as "windmill" instead) , its installation will be difficult in (to) some extent ...  
  
==> Blades are usually made from fiberglass (fibreglass) or wood.  
==> ~~Also blades are also added~~(Blades also added) with wind sensor connected to (a) computer which is close to (the) tower to adjust (the) direction and angel of blades. Another main part of blades is (a) generator (that) producing energy ...  
  
==> ... be located on the top of (the) mountain where (the) wind (you can use air instead) blows with maximum strength.  
==> ... be set up close ~~by~~(to) coast line.  
==> Although (the) wind in the sea is ...  
  
You have done great  
Good luck and keep writing :)
***The diagrams below show the design for a wind turbine and its location.***  
  
The pictures illustrate the design of machine which is used for generating electricity from a wind and its proper location. The turbine consist of blades, steel tower, wind sensor, generator, computers, and wind as the energy source. Overall, each of locations offer different advantages and disadvantages based on wind strengths and scenery look.  
  
The process is will be started when the turbine get signal from sensor adjusts bladed about direction and angle of wind. Following this, blades which are made by fibreglass or timber will spin automatically. The speed and direction of this movement is set by wind sensor and passes into generator. At the same time as the generator reach maximum pressure, it will produce 1,5 megawatts electricity.  
  
There are some proper location for wind turbines which is near from house, by the sea, and in the mountain. If the machine is located near from place to live, the turbine will produce lesser energy about 100 kilowatts but it does not decrease landscape view. The second place is in the mountain, as a consequence the turbine will produce maximum electricity due to the big of wind strength. But, it is not good since the scenery is spoiled. The last place is by the sea which is one place where the turbine gets maximum wind, does not ruin the landscape, but it is render difficult when the turbin gets touble as people need more time to reach the location.  
  
*   
*The design for a wind turbine and its location*
Hi Aini,  
These are a few suggestion to finalize your writing. Please, meet my notes and deal with them  
  
The pictures illustrate the design of ~~machine~~ A TURBINE (You should avoid paraphrasing if it has different meaning)~~which is~~ used for generating electricity from wind and its proper location. OVERALL, IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT The turbine consistsS of ~~blades, steel tower, wind sensor, generator, computers, and wind as the energy source~~ FIVE PRIMARY ELEMENT (The detailed information is supposed to be displayed in the body paragraph). ~~Overall~~ IN ANY CASE, each ~~of locations~~ LOCATION offerS different advantages and ..  
  
... when the turbine getS A signal from THE sensor WHICH adjusts bladed (...) angle of THE wind. Following this, THE blades ~~which are~~(It is able to be reduced) made by fibreglass ...  
  
... of this movement ~~is~~ ARE set by THE wind sensor and passes into A generator.  
... maximum pressure, it will ~~produce~~ GENERATE 1,5 megawatts electricity.  
  
... proper locationS ~~for~~ WHICH PLACING wind turbines ~~which is~~ ARE near from house...  
... is located near ~~from place to live~~ RESIDENTS, the turbine will produce ...  
The second place is ~~in~~ ON (Please, pay attention to collocation) the (...) the turbine will ~~produce~~ GENERATE(Avoid repetition) maximum electricity due ...  
~~But~~ HOWEVER, it is ~~not good~~ BAD LOCATION since the scenery is spoiled.  
... turbine gets maximum wind~~,~~ AND does not ruin the landscape, but it ~~is~~ renderS difficultY when the turbinE gets tRouble as people need ...  
  
Note: Avoid misspelling...  
  
Keep spirit  
GOOD LUCK
Hello Aini, i will give you some suggestion :  
**The turbine consist of blades, steel tower, wind sensor, generator, computers, and wind as the energy source**  
  
1. Wind is not part of the turbine -\_\_\_\_-  
  
2. The process ~~is will be started~~will be started / is started when the turbine get ...  
  
is will be ??? it's not proper  
  
... get signal from sensor **that**adjusts ~~bladed~~blade about direction and angle of wind  
  
4. the turbine (subject) + get (verb) + signal from sensor (object ) + **must be followed by that** + adjust (verb)  
  
5. Bladed ? what is the meaning of bladed ?  
  
6. direction and angle ---> it has same meaning . What about the speed ? Have you mentioned it ?
*The diagrams below show the design for a wind turbine and its location. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.*  
  
The figures inform the design for a machine that can produce electricity from wind power and the appropriate location to be placed. Overall, it can be seen that placing the turbine in the sea may not destroy the pleasure of the landscape while the turbine on the hill produces maximum electricity.  
  
The equipment of wind turbine consists of blades created by wood or fiberglass material, wind sensor to detect speed and direction, the generator which can produce 1,5 megawatts power, steel tower, and computer to receive the data and adjust the direction and angle of blades. The process starts when the blades are forced by the wind and the force is converted to electricity by the generator. The direction and blades angle is adjusted by wind sensor and the computer.  
  
The machine can be installed on the hill and in this case, it can be also installed in the sea. Placing wind turbine in the sea may not spoil the landscape while the turbine placed on the hill can maximally produce electricity because of maximum wind strengths. However, the domestic turbine can only produce 100 kilowatts of power.  
  
*