dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Topic: Contrast people of your age with those of your parents' generation. Think about beliefs, values,  
goals, traditions, language, etc.**  
  
## New and Old Generation

  
  
English is the common language spoken in the US, but do all people from different ages speak the same language? What this means is does differently in generation creates a new language? Yes, it does. People of my generation and those of my parents have different beliefs, values, languages and life goals.  
  
One of the major differences between the two generations is the life goals and definition of success. Current generation defines life goals as having a successful career. They believe it is more important to be successful at work than thinking about the family. They even don't consider having a family unless making a big advancement in their career. On the other hand, old generation goals focus more on the family. They always see family as number one priority in their life. For example, my father was always keen to build a strong family connection between us by giving most of his time to spend it with us. Therefore, basically current and old generation are really different in their life goals.  
  
Another difference between the two generations of people is their language. The current generation is more exposed to various cultures with different languages. These young people learned new vocabulary and expressions that were not in the time of old generation. With the existence of the internet and satellites, every day the young generation introduce new vocabulary to the old language. However, old generation didn't have this exposure to the outside world. They used their language without introducing new expressions or words. They didn't have the current varieties of communication like internet and satellite. The current and old generation can't, sometimes, understand each other even if they speak the same language.  
  
Current and old generation are also different in life values. For example, current generation cares more about collecting precious stuff. They are more materialistic than the old generation. These young people always dream about having an expensive car, branded watch and up to date clothes. On the other hand, old generation's values were more into authenticity. They didn't consider possessing expensive stuff is essential for them. These old people care more about real person values. Current and old generation have a complete difference in definition of life values.  
  
To summarize, at some point all people are similar; however, the difference in generation create a difference in several aspects. People need to study these differences and to take the benefits from both generations.
Hi Ahmed, I believe you had made a mistake in typing the first paragraph as the first two sentences are most likely to be another IELTS task 2 question. Even if I disregard those two sentences, you would still fail for having a better score in the first paragraph as task 2 writing would require you to paraphrase the topic and indicate your intention of writing this essay whenever is necessary. Providing half of the original prompt to us, we cannot accurately review your essay in a proper manner. Apart from that, you have good reasonings. But I can see you repeated some phrases or words like 'on the other hand', maybe try to use 'in contrast' or 'on the contrary' etc to avoid this issue. Also, current generation is not the right word to use because current does not contrast to old, the more appropriate word would be 'new generation'.  
  
Hope that helps.
In addition to what Jimmy said, I would to point out the fact the essay is around 404 words. Remember quality over quantity. I have seen a myriad of essays which have less words than that and are still band 8 or even 9. I would say the optimal amount of words for this type of essay is between 270 to 280 words, much less than what you are presenting us here with; a 4-paragraph essay should be fine, no need to add another one.  
  
Also, I reckon asking question in this kind of essay is inappropriate, as your job is to answer questions, not asking them.  
I also notice the excessive use of abbreviations like don't instead of do not.  
Overall, this is certainly not a bad essay, some minor changes would be needed if you aim for a higher score.
Julia, you are right on the mark as per the essay. It is a descriptive essay. It does represent the descriptions of the setting and describes the details in an impressive manner. The problem is that you did not spend a small amount of time describing the characters in your short story. This made the essay monotonous to read. Were you told to be non-gender specific in the presentation? If so, then you should have cut the descriptive monotony by placing dialogues in strategic points in order to help the descriptions become more imaginative and descriptive. By the way, you need to describe the location or setting of the story. Is this located in a nuclear bomb shelter or somewhere less protected from the blast? Little details such as these help to add to the descriptive nature of your essay and also engages the imagination of the reader, which is the main purpose of a descriptive essay. For example, using a countdown to the final moments in the essay will add to the tension that you can describe within the essay. Descriptions are not always about so cut and dried, it can also be done in other manners such as describing the situation based on the events unfolding during a countdown. Try to vary the descriptions other than the specific mode that you use in this essay. Read other available descriptive essays online if you want to get ideas as to how you can shake up your presentation in this essay.
*Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other type of progress are equally important for a country.  
  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.*  
  
## an impact of progression

  
  
Economic growth is one of the key elements for a country which are agreed by many governments. Nevertheless, there are few more necessary factors that are affecting a country, including the progress of environment, health, wellness and public transportation infrastructure. I'll elaborate more in the following paragraph.  
  
The increasing economy help business grows and creates more job opportunities, it also triggers the international trades by a globalizing world. For instance, Gogoro was a domestic company in Taiwan at first. By introducing the first mass production electronic motorcycles and receiving the assistance from the government, it becomes the leading corporation in this area, heading to the international markets like Howland and providing a hundred of employment contracts. Besides the economic growth, the living cost is gradually increasing. Government is responsible to solve the problems.  
  
On the other hand, others types of progress are also important for a country. Firstly, the protection of the environment is urgently required. Along with the rising economy, more and more pollutions were caused by industrial activities. The recent air pollution is one of the most severest issue we are facing. Secondly, health and wellness programs are not much organised and completed. In many countries, elderly retirement and beneficial mechanism are waiting to have further discussion. Lastly, the maintenance and new construction of public transportation is one of the indispensable elements. Following the climbing populations and various ways of trade, the basic and advanced distribution methods need to be kept improving.  
  
To sum up, I agree the economic progress is one of the essential elements for a country. However, environment, health, wellness and transportation are also the key factors which impact an overall progression of a country.
Ying, this essay is lacking a proper opening paraphrase of the original prompt, an accurate 3 body paragraph discussion, and a properly formatted summary conclusion paragraph. These problems account for more than half the passing consideration of your essay and your failure to provide these elements means that your essay will fail in the TA section. This will make it harder for you to get a passing score based on the remaining scoring elements.  
  
The proper paraphrase must indicate your understanding of the prompt as it was given to you. That means, you must deliver your own understanding of the following in the paragraph:  
  
1. Topic for discussion  
2. The mention of point of view 1  
3. Mention of point of view 2  
3. Thesis statement with a reference to your personal opinion as part of the discussion prior to the concluding statement.  
  
You did well in the first 2 body paragraphs but then failed to properly present an informative personal point of view because you discussed this as a closing statement with only 2 sentences within it. This created an open ended essay which means that your ability to discuss your point of view in a relevant manner was not accomplished. This also means that you have no conclusion to draw upon so that the discussion can be considered summarized and closed. A concluding statement does not present a continued discussion, as in a personal opinion, because this paragraph is meant to summarize the important points of the discussion as an information reminder for the reader's consideration.
## Online Business profit

  
  
The two graphs indicate the data concerning the online earnings in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013. Overall, we found that the most apparent figure was shown in travel since its number was the largest proportion, while it saw a decreasing trend over a ten-year period.  
  
In 2003, the largest proportion can be found in Travel, which occupied 36%, followed by clothes, taking up 24%. with regards to the remaining items, online shop made a similar amount of money on film and music and clothes, both of which accounted for roughly two fifths in total, the former accounted for 21% and the latter, 19%.  
  
However, 10 years later, money travel and clothes made mildly dropped by 7% and 8% respectively, both accounted for 29% and 16%. The opposite trend can be seen when we look at the earning for film and music and books. This account for a massive 33% of the online earning, but only 22% money made in books, which underwent a minimal change by 3%.  
  
In conclusion, New Zealanders appeared to spend more money on visual engagements via internet such as film, music and books over the given years.
weiling, aside from an incomplete summary overview, your essay also lacks a proper paragraph representation. You are prone to presenting run-on sentences instead of individual, related discussion sentences which can be used to form the required 3-5 sentences. As such, you will lose major points when the TA, GRA and C&C sections of your presentation are considered. The errors you made in these 3 sections are enough to create a non-passing score. Even though you wrote more than 150 words, it is not the number of words that you wrote which will be main consideration for your score. Rather, the score will be based upon the accuracy of your report and analysis of the illustration provided. Had you provided us with a copy of the image, I would have been able to show you a few methods by which you could improve your future writing. Sadly, I cannot do that at this point. Please remember to provide us with a copy of the image the next time you upload an essay for us to review.
*Today there is a great increase in anti-social behavior and lack of respect to others. What are the causes of this? What can be done to reduce it?*  
  
## addressing anti-social behavior

  
  
Currently, there are a large number of individuals who have anti-social behaviors and lack of respect to others, which could result from under too much pressure in their daily lives and eating too much processed food. For the possible solutions, one includes moral education. In this essay, I will breakdown the causes and suggest the solutions which could be adopted to solve the problem.  
  
There are two main causes which contribute to this anti-social problem. To begin with, citizens are under too much pressure from their jobs and schools nowadays. According to the statements of medical experts, they could feel distressed and frustrated by having such high pressure. Hence, they could contract emotional diseases, which could also lead to having anti-social behavours. Secondly, eating too much processed food could be a cause. The food could contain a wide variety of toxic materials, such as some chemicals. Therefore, their mental health could be impacted and have some anti-social behavours.  
  
To solve the situation, there are two solutions that we can take. First of all, governments can arrange some moral education to the public. They could improve their thinking patterns mental health. Additionally, governments could provide some laws to prevent citizens from acting anti-social behaviors. The public could afraid of the punishments and try to self-improve their behaviours.  
  
Although people have too much pressure could be severe, eating too much processed food can be more serious. The possible solutions, such as providing moral education, is one that have the most positive influence on our society.
Hey Kuan!  
  
Break down your essay into three paragrahs. Introduction, body and conclusion/ending paragraph.  
When you get a question, always spend a few minutes to get all your ideas for the essay and jot it down somewhere. After you have sufficient material, you need to organize and present it well. Even if you have some amazing ideas and points in your essay, it is likely to be unnoticed or missed out if the reader finds the material presented haphazardly.  
  
So based on this suggestion, your starting paragraph will address only the problem at hand and the magnitude of the problem, and not mention the cause or your solution to it.  
  
Your second paragraph is your content paragraph where you describe the problem in detail. Here you will elaborate what you think are the causes for the rise in Anti social behaviour ( ie. Stress and processed food consumption according to you ). You can speak more about the stress ( as in, why is school or work stressful. Eg - Multiple exams in schools and less focus on extra curricula activities, Bad economy and people afraid of losing their jobs, excess working hours, etc ).  
  
In the final paragraph, you will offer the strategies you think can tackle this situation effectively and how they can do so.  
  
Focus in your sentence framework and grammar as well. Don't forget to mention the word limit next time.  
  
Keep practising!!  
Good Luck! :)
Hi Kuan,  
  
For the two questions type of essay, I agree with your current paragraph structure.  
-Introduction  
-Main paragraph: for first question  
-Main paragraph: for second question  
-Conclusion  
  
The only thing I'd suggest you can improve is in your conclusion session. Using "In conclusion", "to sum up" or other ending phrases and adding the summary in this session will give more overall picture for your article.
## essay about consumer expenditure

  
  
The chart illustrates the percentage of consumer expenditure by category in Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden and Turkey in the year 2002.  
Looking at the graph, it is immediately obvious that the amount of money paid out on food, drinks and tobacco in five nations registered the highest among three sections . By contrast, the figure for leisure and education expenditure was the lowest out of three categories.  
  
In 2002, the highest percentage of national customer expenditure was in Turkey, at 32.14 %. It was a bit higher than that figure in Ireland, at 28.91%. The proportion of people in Ireland and Turkey spending money on clothes and shoes showed a similar distribution, which was 6.43% and 6.63 % respectively.  
  
In term of leisure and education, Spanish spent the lowest amount of their income on this section. That figure in Italy and Sweden was slightly larger, at 3.20% and 3,22% respectively. Among these three countries, the expenditure of Italian consumers on clothing and footwear was the highest, which accounted for 9.00%.
Hello Kien!  
  
It's very hard to judge your work without the graph/chart for analysis. Make sure you upload it the next time.  
  
It's always best to present your findings in a more systematic and comprehensive manner.  
In your introduction paragraph, while you spoke about the countries involved, you failed to mention the 3 categories under which the study was done. ( Which only after reading the whole essay I'm guessing to be 1: Food, drinks and Tobacco 2: Leisure and education 3: clothing and footwear. )  
  
Your next paragraphs should be the detailed analysis of the graph. You have also presented very little numerical data, but then again, I can't be sure without the graph.  
  
In the first line of your last para, it has to be Spain spent the lowest OR the Spanish people. ( Spain is the country while spanish apllies to the people or language )  
  
Keep on practicing and you will get better in no time.  
Good Luck! :)
***The table shows forested land in millions of hectares in different parts of the world. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.***  
  
## changes in the wooden areas

  
  
The table gives information referring the area of forests measured in hectares of various places in the world over the fifteen- year period from 1990 to 2005. Generally speaking, over the period as a whole, Europe had the largest forest area (1001 ha in 2005) associated with an obvious upward trend, in contrast to Oceania's figure (197 ha in 2005 with a slightly downward trend).  
  
It is clear from the table that Europe and Asia were the only places of which the forest area were increasing. The figure of Europe came out first, 989 ha in the beginning of the period and maintained its position until 2005 (1001 ha). However, Asia witnessed a rise at a slower pace from 576 ha to 584 ha in 2005, only half of that of European.  
  
To turn to the remaining regions, Africa and South America experienced a more significant decrease in comparison to Oceania and North America. Grouping Africa and South America together, it can be seen from the table that the South American figure was ahead of the African figure by a large margin throughout the period, 882 ha for the former versus 691 ha for the latter. North American figure went down insignificantly by 3 ha in 2000, and stood at that level until the end of the period, as opposed to the Ocieanian figure which hovering around 198 ha from 1990 to 2005.  
  
*
Tra, your essay is missing an appropriate summary overview, that should have been the first paragraph of this essay. The total number of paragraphs for this Task 1 essay is 4 paragraphs. Each paragraph needs to have a uniform number of sentences between 3-5. You have a tendency to use run on sentences in repeated paragraphs. You will lose C&C and GRA points because of that. Run-on sentences prevent you from properly developing a clear presentation of the information and the ability to create more complex sentence structures. Do not place relevant information in parenthesis. In fact, don't use a parenthesis in your presentation at all because it creates confusion for the reader as you are inserting information rather than providing connected information in individual sentences. You did cover all of the information presented in the chart though. So if you had a proper summary overview, the essay might have had a chance of improving its score by just a little bit.
## unpaid community service as a compulsory program

  
  
**Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Masses consider that non-profit society activities should be implemented at the senior high school level. In my opinion, it is a good idea since it can educate them about social life and give them occasions to apply their knowledge.  
  
Voluntary activities can be mandatory in the high school programs because involving teenagers in charity programs will enable them to socialize and build a strong relationship among inhabitants. It is a must since promoting society is one of the main duties of an educated person. To illustrate, by donating fund and food for orphans and homeless people, it will educate them about how to behave good manner toward others. Eventually, they will have empathy and self-conscious to always care people in their surroundings. Therefore, by integrating this activity into the curriculum, students' interpersonal skills can be developed.  
  
Moreover, adopting voluntarism will assist students to learn in depth through practice. It is generally known that studying pure subjects, such as mathematics, civic education, languages, and so on will be meaningless without spreading or real applications. Therefore, students can be employed to do several simple projects with teachers' control. For instance, they can teach street children in their neighborhood about mathematics. Besides, they can try their language comprehension by guiding international tourists in a vacation site. Accordingly, this program can enhance students' skills and be advantageous for other people at the same time.  
  
To sum up, by guiding students to unpaid community service as a compulsory program, many merits can be gained by students. Therefore, the authority in the education sector can consider this to enhance students' ability.  
  
From mod = one more useless advice = ban
Hey!!  
  
You have a well written essay. I have a few suggestions to improve on your material.  
It's always better to write your essay in three paragraphs.  
  
Your first para is the "Introduction" - Here you just introduce the topic. It can be just a brief introduction ( Basically reemphasizing the question statement ). This will help you to add more material to your next paragraph which is the main content/body of the essay.  
  
Whenever I write an essay, I start on an unbiased and impartial note and then talk about the side I support. For example - Masses consider that non-profit society activities should be implemented at the senior high school level. While most people consider this an important component in a well rounded education of a good human being, others consider this as a useless front and even call it child abuse. Personally I believe it is a very good idea.  
  
Second Para - Emphasize and write in detail what people on both sides of the argument might be thinking.  
  
Third Para - This is your conclusion statement, where you write at the end of your analysis, why you chose to support your viewpoint based on the merits.  
  
This will present your ideas in a more systematic way. Also, just read through your essay and correct grammatical errors.  
  
Good Luck! :)