dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## More and more young people are leaving school but unable to find job (IELTS)

  
  
Nowaday unemployment rate is highly increasing and is ever-growing issue over the entire world, particularly among the young people. There are so many factors are closley linked to the matter of increasing the number of jobseekers. Lacking of academic qualification, absence of work experience and soft skills and having a great competition in the labour market are the main factors. I would like to enlighten each factors in the following paragraph.  
  
It is a matter of fact, those youngester that are coming out of schools or dropped out , they are having struggle in starting to find a secure job. It is clear, teenagers are in the stages of development, they do not have enough life skills , which are requirement for so many positions. Having soft skills, get on with other people, self\_confidence, self\_control or resillence are not enough seen in young people. As a result, the can not be successful in the interview of job vacancies.  
  
In addition, the labour market is very competitive. Getting employment or career will be so difficult without having any experience or academic qualification. However, the low skilled works are decreased in todays society, due to accelerating pace of life and technological advancement. Meanwhile, so many labor works are currently automated because of machinery development.Hence, need for human force are declined.  
  
Furthermore, absence of recruitment could have bad consequence on an individual and on the society as a whole. Increasing the rate of jobseekers and unemployment may leave bad impact on the community in long term. Rising the rate of crimes and violence are indirectly attributed to this issue. Where as, providing the young people with training courses and teaching them rquirement skills. As well as, They should be well prepared by the government via compulsory courses, by allocating specific budget for tackling this turmoil among the school leavers.  
  
In conclusion, unemployment is inevitable issue in the society, especially among school leavers. It can not be deeply rooted. The causes at least can be partially solved by the government and the authorities.
Rohznaz, you forgot to post the complete prompt requirements for this essay before you posted your response. I wish you had not forgotten to do that. That information would have helped me to better assess your essay in terms of quality and content. Now, I am reduced to giving only a general review of your essay. Please post the essay prompt as soon as you can so that I can give you more useful and relevant advice towards writing your next essay.  
  
If you did paraphrase the prompt requirements in your opening statement, that is not clear to the reader. The paragraph does not clearly explain the point of the essay, what you are expected to discuss, and how you are supposed to discuss it. That lack of clarity comes from the fact that I cannot access the complete prompt requirement.  
  
Why did you use an underscore when you wrote the term " self- confidence, self - control" ? As you can see, the proper way to write those terms was through the use of dash signs to signal a connected word. Don't use underscore signs in an academic essay. That is not something that is used in formal writing. Actually, the underscore is only used to underline words when using a typewriter. Since yo are using a computer to type the document, you will not need to use an underscore to underline important words.  
  
Your essay is really confusing at the moment. The grammar issues are very bad because the reader is left wondering about the point of your idea, sentiment, or discussion. Basically, without the prompt requirement to refer to, your essay does not make any sense in terms of discussion.  
  
It is pretty obvious that you were given a series of instructions that your discussion was supposed to be based upon. You need to provide the prompt requirement so that we can help you better develop your response essay.
@rozhnaz  
You made some grammar errors which, I feel, are very common among the members of this site. And it would be better if you had written the topic as it is given to you. 'More and more young people are leaving school but unable to find job(IELTS)'... from this one actually I didn't understant the type your task: if it is a problem-solving essay or one in which you are required to predict causes/effects of the issue. Also, pay attention to your spelling ( closley, youngester...). Never mind this suggestion if your mistakes are keyboard-related or have smth to do with typing.  
  
GOOD LUCK!
The main problem with your essay is the opening statement. It does not contain the correct information. The opening statement is supposed to do a number of things:  
  
1. Present a paraphrased version of the prompt for the benefit of the reader.  
2. Present the outline of your discussion without offering any actual information yet.  
3. Assure the reader that the essay will conform to the requirements of the discussion.  
  
What you did was, you presented immediate information in the opening statement. That is not how it is done. You can offer clues as to the discussion that is to take place, but not offer the actual topics for discussion yet. So you need to learn how to hold back some information when writing your opening statement. The rest of your essay delivers as best as it can in terms of the discussion. Grammar problems abound but do not cause too much undue stress on the reader. So I guess that the lowest grade this essay can get will be a 5.
Hy guys, I just posted my Task 2 English Writing Skill in order to take an Ielts test. Your positive and advice are needed. Sorry for a mistakes that i made, thank you.  
  
Question :  
**It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.  
  
To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?  
  
What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?**  
  
Answer :  
  
## only soft punishment is suitable for children

  
  
Some people think that through a punishment, children can realize what they must do; know whether is right and wrong. Unfortunately, it can harm and furthermore damage their mental or body. Those who disagree point out that in terms of educating the children we must give a good & moral approach rather that give a punishment. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss how to educate a children without treated a punishment and kind of punishment that appropriate for a children.  
  
To help children understand whether is right and wrong as a parents we must pay attention and give a guidance through their activity. For example, children who watched television don't know which program is suitable for their age. We can decided a program that appropriate like cartoon or educational games supported with parental guidance to support their growth.  
  
Another way we must do to educate an offspring instead of giving a punishment is through our habit. Children will differed and copied our habit as they saw it. For example, if we entering a room we always give a greeting for a whole family including the children. In the following moments, the children will practiced a same things and it can influence their behavior. Then they will realize which one is good and bad. Despite treating a punishment we got another choice to educate a children through a guidance, advice and providing a good example. It can accelerated their understand to do a right things.  
  
Nevertheless, punishment allowed only for a children who argued and break their limit or make a multiple mistakes. Even the punishment allowed, doesn't mean that we can do a harsh punishment. In terms of educating a children, a soft punishment is recommended rather than harsh punishment. Soft punishment only focusing to treat their habit and give an understand through a strict way. For example, if an offspring spend a whole day on their gadget and forgetting their responsibility, we can put away a gadget on a week day and allowed it on a week end. Suported with advice and positive activity. And harsh punishment can damaged their mental and body and affected their growth.  
  
To conclude with, in order to educate an offspring as a parent we can provide a whole attention and give a guidance through their activity. Punishment is allowed if they argued & make a mistake and only soft punishment is suitable for this age.
Riyan, this is a faulty discussion of the prompt. For starters, your paraphrased topic is not in line with the original prompt. You lack a personal opinion presentation and you did not clearly indicate which side yo will be supporting in the essay. In relation to that, this is not supposed to be written as a comparison essay. Which is what you wrote. The instruction of the prompt indicates that you are to pick one side that you agree with and base the whole essay discussion upon only 2 topics. The first topic will be the opinion you have regarding punishment based upon the provided information. The second topic, should be all about the kind of punishment that you believe children should be served for any wrong doing. One that will be appropriate enough to teach them a lesson. Then justify why you think this kind of punishment will work. As you can see, your essay does not follow this line of information presentation. It is actually performing a different task than the one assigned by the prompt. So this essay will not get a passing score in an actual test.
Did you write an outline before composing the whole paragraphs? I am concerned about the coherence and cohesion of your essay. Your paragraph development looks really scattered and not well-arranged. As suggested by Holt above, you have mistakenly chosen the wrong approach to write your essay. Needless to say that your grammatical range and accuracy also confuse the reader at this point. I suggest you to be really sure about the subject-verb agreement, singular-plural and any other aspects related to grammar before composing a single sentence. Try to practice step-by-step if you feel that it's really difficult to learn composing a whole essay at once. For instance, you can familiarize yourself with introduction and how to create an appropriate response without confusing the examiner. Let me show you some help for your introduction paragraph.  
  
~~Some people think that through (...) appropriate for a children.~~  
  
*Punishing the children in the process of learning the difference between right and wrong at an early age is really essential for children because it can educate them in understanding this difference. However, I personally agree with the notion due to the high possibility for them to be a good person in the future. This essay will discuss how reducing their pocket money and giving additional obligatory tasks can teach a good behavior later on.*
@Riyan Mudastsir  
'know whether is right and wrong' is grammatically incorrect because there is no subject. I believe you tried to mention smth like 'what is right and what is wrong'. Besides, I would suggest caring the usage of articles: 'to educate a children', 'a right things'. Indefinite article a plural noun? And you have other grammar errors such as 'can decided'. And as someone who is also preparing for the exam, I would advise to avoid using 'must' too much because it sounds a bit assertive. Instead, try using 'should' and phrases like 'It would be better'... Hope it will help you.
**people think that young people should be required to do unpaid work helping people in the community. Are disadvantages of this requirement greater than the benefits for the community and individuals?**  
  
## not only fun - youngsters at work

  
  
Voluntary work by young people has its own positive and negative aspects. In fact, studing is the main task of teenagers to prepareing their homwork. Being involved in unpaid work could have some influence on their academic performance negatively . Despite of having some drawbacks, it could have some advantages for the individual and the society as a whole. Before proposing my opnion, i would like to clarrify the multiview of this statement in the following argumentative paragraphe.  
  
It is a matter of debate that exposing young people to work enviroment could potentially have a unhealthy consequence on their behaviour. The possibilites of being exploited by the employers and possibly abused by other adult co-workers could leave serious impact on their personality. As well as, the youngsters are more vulnerable to be involved in the world of crime and drug abuse via interacting with other people out of their peer group. It is realistic, students have plenty of pressure of studing , having time for leisure activities and sport are needed to combat this type of stress.  
  
In addition, it is considered that involving young people in unpaid work would prevent them from learning bad habits such as smoking and drug addiction. However, students can hone crucial life skills , time managment skill and get the work placement experience, which is wholly beneficial for their future careers. Meanwhile, it is a great opportunity to make a choice among various kinds of works, and students can gradually improve their abilities in an indicating job , which they are interested in. These advantages could have advantages for the society on long term.  
  
To conclude, i consider that the young people should not be obliged to do unpaid work. The main option in their life should be their study and work hard to get academic achievement. Their sparetime should be advocated for entertaiment and sport activities.
There are lots of spelling mistakes. Take just second sentence from introduction as an example: In fact,~~studing~~ **studying** is the main task of teenagers ~~to~~ **for** ( to do something or for doing something) ~~prepareing~~ **preparing** their ~~homwork~~ **homework** Besides, this sentence and as well as most of other sentences are grammatically in correct. Additionally, your opening statement is long and repeat the same idea. First, you say that voluntary work has own its positive and negative aspects but after 2 sentences you repeats despite drawback it could have advantages. And this essay is advantage and disadvantage essay. You should analyse the benefits or drawbacks of something. You are not asked to agree o disagree or give a solution . For example, in conclusion statement, you shouldnot write I think it should not be compulsary. Intead you can write the drawbacks of compulsary unpaid works outweigh the benefits. And last thing, compulsary unpaid work does not mean voluntary work. ( How can voluntary work can be compulsary?)
Rozhnaz, apart from spelling and grammatical errors that have been mentioned by one of EssayForum members, I am sorry to say that this kind of essay might get only 4 or lower than that due to unrelated answer like what you have written above. You need to focus on what the question is about and how to answer that type of question. Please take a closer look on this prompt while I am analyzing your answer (introduction paragraph)  
  
People think that young people should be required to do unpaid work helping people in the community. Are disadvantages of this requirement **greater than the benefits for the community and individuals**?  
  
See? That is pretty obvious that the answer should be "Yes and why?" or "No and why?". Yet, the truth is that your answer is somehow circling around without having any clear stance on what side are you on. Choosing both sides equally might turn your essay away in the middle of nowhere. In the very last sentence of your introduction paragraph, you can just simply mention that *'This essay will discuss how crime related activities that are acquired from unpaid work can outweigh the benefits of having lots of experience.'*  
  
Hope this helps :)
Runaki, you have failed the overall task accuracy for this test. That is because you improperly represented the discussion in your paraphrasing / overview paragraph as well as in your conclusion. Let us not even begin to point out the haphazard way that you wrote this essay. The careless in your spelling, the way that you did not even bother to proof read for errors in your work, and the way that you just did not seem to care to pass this practice test by treating it like an actual exam, has resulted in an overall failure of your scores for this test.  
  
It is important Runaki, that you treat this test as you would the actual test because this is the only time you will have to make mistakes and perfect your possible score to the best of your abilities. This essay does not show any attempt on your part to achieve at least passing scores for most of the 4 criteria that you will be judged on. For your sake, I will not even tell you what possible score you can get for this work because I do not want to be unfair to you. I want to give you another chance to write the next practice test in the proper manner. Treat it like the real test. If you can pass the series of practice tests, your possibility of passing the actual test becomes better.
***Hello Rozhnaz***, I will try giving feedback for your writing. Hopefully, these can finalize yours better.  
Firstly, I wanna remind you that your job is writing task 2 of IELTS is to communicate with an examiner or readers, not to impress them. Honestly, I have found difficulty when I wanna follow your flow. You should construct your paragraph systematically. That was also aggravated by a large of misspellings. provide your time to double check your sentence. Believe me that can reduce your score when you conduct the real test of IELTS.  
  
Secondly, in the essay, you have to explain your opinion detailed. You cannot throw the opinion, but there were not the supporting sentences.  
it is considered that involving young people in unpaid work would prevent them from learning bad habits such as smoking and drug addiction  
  
You were supposed to present the sentence strengthening your view about the matter.  
Turning to the prompts given, you should elucidate the drawbacks for individual and community. However, you only bear to the individual solely. Actually, you review a few things which did not include in the prompt.I suggest you make brainstorming so that your explanation is sharp. After that, you should rewrite your conclusion. There is actually paraphrasing the thesis statement which had reviewed previously. Don't add the new topic in your conclusion because it can seem vague.  
  
I really believe you can improve your ability on condition that you wanna practice again and again after you have review your mistakes.  
Happy Writing, Good Luck
**Writing IELTS Task 1\_Causes of Worldwide Land Degradation**  
  
## soil quality is decreasing

  
  
The pie chart described the degradation of agricultural land productivity in the worldwide. Coverage areas are North America, Europe, and Oceania. In the world, Over-grazing became the biggest cause, it contributes 35% of total causes. The cutting or burning of the tree (deforestation) caused three-tenth of degradation. Twenty-eight percent has caused by over-cultivation. There was just 7% by others.  
  
Five percent land of North America has decreased the quality of the soil. Over-cultivation was a major role, that was equal to 3.3%. Other causes were 1.5% from over-grazing and 0.2% from deforestation. Almost one-fourth of total land in Europe has degraded. Europe had the biggest percent of land degradation. Approximately 10% (exactly 9.8%) land degraded by cutting or burning of the tree. Over-cultivation and over-grazing are each 7.7% and 5.5%. The last region is Oceania, including Australia and New Zealand. In this region, just deforestation and over-grazing, each amount of 11,3% and 1,7%.  
  
*
Anabel, while you did write a little over 150 words, you failed to produce at least 3 paragraphs for this essay. So there is a structural problem in terms of the way that you developed the discussion. The minimum paragraph requirement is 3 paragraphs. So you would score lower in terms of grammar range and accuracy. You may also score less in terms of task accuracy in this case because of the shortness of the discussion. It delivers the impression that you were mechanical in terms of writing this essay. You did not really bother to try to expand on the presentation to try and improve your lexical resource along with the coherence and cohesiveness of your essay. While all of the information that you were given was represented in the essay, I don't think that you can score higher than a 5 with this particular essay. I base that score on the problems that I mentioned earlier in my comments. There are also notable grammar problems that created sentence structure problems.  
  
Examples of the sentence problem include, but is not limited to;  
  
*"... land productivity in the worldwide."*  
  
the proper presentation of that sentence should have omitted the part that says "in the" it should only be *"... productivity worldwide."*  
  
That said, you did not do a bad job of representing the information in the essay. So you would probably get a passing score for this work, even with the existing problems of the essay.
Avoid making mistake in the beginning part of the essay because that is the place for you to impress the examiner or possibly earn a high score. It is really unfortunate that you picked the wrong grammatical tense in the first sentence. The paraphrase of the question must be in the form of present and not in past form. This is because you give a factual report what the graph/chart mentions/describes. Also, this essay might only reach 4 or even lower due to the absence of 'overview' sentence. You are not suggested to directly mention the data without mentioning the general trend or the overview of the graph / chart given.  
  
Furthermore, it is also required for an IELTS writing task 1 to have an appropriate grouping. It seems obvious that you missed them. Take the diagram that you've uploaded in this forum, you can simply classify/split the information into 2 equal parts. Therefore, the first body paragraph should be about the pie chart and the second body paragraph should explain about the data from the table. Before making body paragraphs, do not forget to write an appropriate introduction paragraph which consists of 'question's paraphrase', 'possible measurement (x and y axis)', and 'the overview sentence'.  
  
Hope this helps :)
## Live is a challenge

  
  
Life is adventure, and andveture is challenge. There are a lot of challenge in our life that must be faced. Every morning i wake up at 6.00 am and open my eyes than thinked about plans, i goes to bathroom and singing my favorit a songs and than wear a right clothes, I look myself on the mirror and convince myslef that all in accordance. I goes to campus at 9.00 am and folloing class until time the runs out, some time i feel so bored in the class but no matter because i can listen a song on my headset, probably it's not good but i think as impose as not better.  
  
After time to study have run out, i goes to grocery for just enjoy of coffee with my friends and share a lot of leasson of study or just do task. In this place many students of unversity that different program like a broadchasting, advertising, design interior, accountan and many other. Sometime when i feel bored, i plays billiard with some firends in neraby the billiard place. i plays billiard for 2 or 3 hour.