dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## high street shops have gone out of business

  
  
A significant decrease in the number of high street shops has been witnessed lately. In my opinion, it is the rising popularity of online trading that contributes to the detriment of onsite shopping. This entails both positive and negative impacts which will be discussed below.  
  
There is an array of reasons why online shopping is becomingly dominating nowadays market. Firstly, it is way more convenient and time-consuming for buyers when purchasing something online is just a matter of minutes. While shops on high streets often offer a limited range of products, almost everything one can demand could be found via some smartphone trading applications or websites. To sellers' perspectives, running an online commercial is more cost-effective due to less tax and capital, fewer employees needed.  
  
The fact that many high street shops have gone out brings about many positive effects. More of these shops disappeared results in more room for other public areas. There could be more space for pedestrians in the streets and avenues since more pavements are freed. However, landholders would probably receive less income form shopping house renting. Less human resources needed could turn many people unemployed. In addition, some may feel unenjoyable as there are fewer places for them to reunite with relatives and friends. More importantly, the elder could face difficulties now that their go-to stores have been removed, while shopping online is no habit they are familiar with.  
  
In conclusion, the increasing buyers' and sellers' favor of online trading is considered the main cause of high street shop reduction. Alongside this tendency comes both positive and negative aspects.  
  
Hope to receive your feedback!
The main problem with the essay is, it is a single opinion essay. You are being asked to provide a clear point of view regarding the positive or negative consideration of the discussion. You cannot say that both have benefits and drawbacks because that is not the instruction for the discussion. The final question for this discussion was, "Do you think this is a positive or negative development?". The basis of your response to that question must relate to the reason that you think high street shops are on the decline. Based on your reason for the decline, you should be able to clearly offer an opinion regarding the "positive or negative" choice you were provided with. The 4 paragraph essay should be composed of:  
  
Par. 1: Topic paraphrase + question short responses  
Par. 2: Reason explanation  
Par. 3: Positive or negative based on the reason provided ( Pick one side to defend)  
Par. 4: Discussion summary  
  
In your 3rd paragraph, you provided an under developed explanation because you tried to defend both sides of the discussion. This resulted in a confusing representation of the discussion and a violation of the TA requirement that indicates "presents a clear opinion regarding the topic". As such, the essay will face scoring difficulties in an actual test.  
  
Due to the lack of coherence and cohesiveness in the presentation, caused by the confusing "positive or negative" discussion, the essay no longer carries a sense of clarity in the same way that a single reason, related opinion (positive or negative) could have. Without a clear opinion, your TA score will definitely prevent this essay from achieving a proper score.
***Some people say that staying in a hotel in a foreign country when on holiday is not the best way to get to know about the country and its people.***  
  
## Do you agree or disagree?

  
  
To some, staying at hotels when holidaying abroad is not the method to comprehend a nation and the people living in it. From my point of view, I consider myself in agreement with the statement.  
  
For a variety of reasons, it would be wrong to reckon that having an oversea holiday to learn about a country and its people is the best method. One of the main reasons is that hotels always offer tourists good and luxury services to confine them within the hotel zone to enjoy those services. It leads to the notion that quite a few tourists frequently be too lazy to discover the nation they are traveling just because of spending time on the services of the hotels. To make sense of that, for instance, quite a few hotels provide luxury meals and playing rooms to tourists so that they may take a whole day within the hotel zone.  
  
Another reason is that doing so causes tourists to fail to obtain the knowledge they want in an oversea country. Therefore, people cannot realize the local culture or even what happens outside the zone of the hotels when they are in that zone. Quite a few harmful impacts may place pressure on local tourism because of transferring the wrong information about the country by tourists. To several tourists, sharing wrongly the knowledge they know is frequently happen, because sometimes they do not realize the knowledge they obtained is the case or not.  
  
To conclude, my point is that if tourists want to comprehend more about a foreign country's culture and people, just go out of the comfortable zone and experience more so that they can know whatever they want. (281 words)  
  
Thank you for reading my essay, hope you to tell me what I need to improve my writing skill as well as what aspects that my essay needs to be corrected are.
You need to develop a better way of paraphrasing. Aim to produce 3-5 sentences for that presentation. For this prompt, I would have done it this way.  
  
*When on vacation, people tend to stay in paid lodgings. These inns are where the tourists often get to know the country. However, this is not seen by most people as the prime way of learning about the nation. I support this statement because hotels tend to make people stay in one place for their vacation.*  
  
Then from there, you can use other topic sentences , 2 topic sentences, one per paragraph to help explain your theory that hotels tend to keep the vacationers in one place so they do not really get to know the country and its people. Always connect the reasons to the hotel stay. In this instance Your two reasons are:  
  
- Hotels offer luxury services in a staged setting  
- This leads to people not learning about the country because they only see local tourism  
  
You did not write a concluding summary as required. You only repeated other supporting reasons for the concluding summary section. Therefore, the essay will be considered open ended, even if you wrote 281 words. You need to merely summarize by offering a short version of your discussion paragraphs and original topic in that portion to meet the required format.
## The number of animals disappearing is increasing at an alarming rate

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***This essay will discuss several main factors that cause this situation and suggest some solutions.***  
  
In my opinion, the growing rate of animal extinction was due to both on land and in sea reasons.  
  
First of all, on the ground, cutting down an enormous rain forest area leads to damage to wildlife habits. Therefore, animals will be put at a higher risk because they can not find home and face numerous difficulties adapting to the new living environment. Another factor that puts animals on the verge of extinction is that various human activities result in adverse impacts adversely on the marine environment. For example, waste discharged from factories and residents' houses and oil spills during extraction contaminate water, which poses a serious threat to marine species.  
  
Solving these problems requires the collaboration of Government, Business Company, and Residents. First of all, stricter punishment should be imposed on illegal logging, overexploitation, deforestation, and overfishing. Next, Businesses and Companies should install proper waste treatment systems to freshen wastewater before discharging it to land, river, and ocean. The government should also provide financial support to organizations fighting for environmental rights and action to run the campaign to raise people's environmental awareness. And lastly, the educational program should be adjusted to include more knowledge about the harmful consequence of the pollution for animals' existence.  
  
In conclusion, if there are no proper solutions, animals will suffer from a higher risk of extinction, which results in undesirable negative effects on the ecosystem.
Hi,  
  
Ideas used for this essay are quite good. But remember, IELTS does not mark you on the ideas, they mark you on your language skills. Hence focus on the four points shared below:  
  
1. **Task achievement** - Your essay should be a minimum of 250 words. What you have written is fine which is just 257. I would suggest you to aim for at least 270-290 words.  
  
2. **Coherence and cohesion (structure and flow)** - Putting you opinion statement in the intro would be a better idea presentationwise. Also be as clear and direct as possible. Instead of saying several factors write "two main reasons" that provides clarity which is an important element of your essay.  
  
3. **Lexical resource (vocabulary and accuracy)** - **leads to damage *to*wildlife *habits*** this would reduce you marks as you have spelled habitats incorrectly. Always proofread as it will make a huge difference. More importantly, try to use synonms wherever possible with accuracy. The word residents can be written as locals, citizens, people etc. Include linkers such as - Such as, Whereas, While, Although, However, Along with and others.  
  
4. **Grammar** - Correct use of tenses and a variety of sentence structures are essential. Try to maintain a single tense (depending on essay topics) and add a variety of sentences like simple, compound and complex to your essay. This will help boost your score.
Please help me to check this , thank you  
  
## Bar chart about university subjects chosen

  
  
This bar chart illutrates the people who decide on university subjects chosen in 2005. There are clear differences between male and female students  
  
It is evident that female chose languages and arts than male. In addition, humanities has the same learners  
  
Regarding social sciences, the number of female students have chose this subject, over 25 thounsands, which has higher than male students, about 15 thounsands. Morever, a lot of female students with languages chosen from the high number of nearly 20 thounsands while this subject is significantly lower in male, only under 5 thounsands  
  
When it comes to arts, not as many students chose this subject, only under 5 thounsands in male and nearly 10 thounsands in female  
  
Hope all of you reply this soon  
Thank you very much  
❤️❤️❤️  
  
*
There is a word requirement for the Task 1 essay that i believe you are not familiar with at this point. The word minimum is 150 with a suggested maximum of 190 words. You achieve that word count by making sure that you write a 3 paragraph essay that is composed of 3-5 sentences each. In this case, your summary overview is insufficient as it does not properly enumerate the short form of the information provided. That should include:  
  
- The image type (bar chart)  
- Measurement information (list of university subjects, male / female count by the thousands)  
- Year the measurement was taken  
- The trending statement  
  
All of these sentences will help you achieve a proper summary of information. In your presentation, you separated the trending sentence and forgot to place a period at the end. You consistently forget to use the period throughout your presentation which will lower your GRA score tremendously. Your last sentence is not even a comparison of the information, it is just hanging there, an incomplete sentence that does not have any follow through information.  
  
You will do well to review the sample task 1 essays at this forum to help guide you through the development process of a task 1 essay. Learn from the errors of others so that you will be able to better write your Task 1 essay. Always remember though, you need to write more than 150 words to achieve a better scoring consideration overall.
## IELTS TASK 2 - TOPIC ANIMALS

  
  
**Topic: in the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals as food or other products, such as medicine and clothing. Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
At no time can the immense value of animals be denied due to their potential merits. However, it is said that in the civilized world, animal-based products, including food, medicine, and clothing are not highly demanding anymore. From my perspective, I strongly lean towards this viewpoint.  
  
In terms of its nutritious value, animals based products are thought to be inferior to vegetables. Obviously, consuming excessive amounts of pork or beef meat leads to serious diseases. Indeed, those who consuming animals' meat are more likely to suffer from obesity than vegetarians. Furthermore, there are alternative products processed from plants, which can replace animals' meat. Taking protein into consideration, protein can be absorbed from a variety of beans or margarine. More interestingly, females have a tendency on keeping fit these days. As a result, fewer and fewer people would opt for meant in their diet.  
  
Apropos of the medical and clothing field, employing animal-based products has witnessed a dramatic decrease because of humanitarianism. Specifically, it is believed that medical tests on white mice should be demolished and suggestions on alternative plant-based medicines received an eminent concurrence. Also, poaching animals illegally for their furs to make a coat or blanket is stringently punished. This is mainly because those actions result in the extinction of endangered animals.  
  
In conclusion, although animal products used to be highly demanding in terms of food, medicine, and clothing, they are now made a place for plant-based products due to the aforementioned reasons
The essay has 244/500 words. You are short on the required word count so word count penalties will be applied. It won't be a large penalty but, it is still marked enough to have a serious effect on your final overall score.  
  
Your first sentence in the paraphrase section is not informative of the original prompt. You need to use only information provided to you from the original. So you cannot use an opinion that is not based on the provided data. You also did not paraphrase the original keywords animals, food, medicine, and clothing. Other references could have been creatures or mammals (animals), sustenance (food), prescription drugs (medicine), apparel (clothes). A simple agreement with the statement would have sufficed since this is not an extent essay.  
  
You are not careful with the way you use words. You did not bother to spellcheck visually for errors. "Meant in their diet" obviously refers to "meat". Was it a spelling error or a mistaken word usage? Regardless, expect errors like that to result in LR deduction.  
  
Apropos? Really? You are trying to impress the examiner with "big" words that do not fit the natural sound sought for this discussion. You did not even use the word in the right context. Do not use complicated words just because it "sounds" right for the sentence. That usually turns out to be wrong. You will score better using everyday English words in the right way, rather than using archaic English words, which make the meaning of the sentence sound forced and unnatural.  
  
Your conclusion is incorrect. This is a run on that does not help to review and summarize the content in a manner that will serve as a helpful reminder to the reader. That is called a reverse paraphrase. Without it, your conclusion is just a run on disaster that will further lower your GRA score.
I highly appreciate your rigorous feedback. I will keep those in mind when writing.Because I have started approaching IELTS writing and learning it by myself, I do not have enough research for the requirement in the length. Moreover, I am not a native English speaker, so I have much difficulty in using the right word in the correct way. I would be grateful if you could suggest me the websites or the books that guide me how to use the word in the right context. Thank you for your time and contribution!
## writing task 1- ielts - Fish and meet consumption

  
  
The given line graph gives data on the amount of fish, lamb, beef, chicken consumed over a period of 15 years in a European country.  
  
It is clear that fish was always the lowest consumption during this time frame. In particular, the number of grams of beef and lamb fell, while the number of grams of chicken experienced a rise.  
  
In the first year, 1979, more than 200 grams of beef was used per capital on a weekly basis followed by chicken and lamb. The figures for fish needs stood at around one third of that amount. There was no significantly difference from chicken and lamb consumption which had reached approximately 150 grams.  
  
The year 2004 witnessed a growth of about 100 grams in the number of chicken use which was much higher than other categories. While the figure for beef ranked second with roughly 110 grams, a decrease compared to the 15 previous years. Lamb and fish made up the smaller share with just below 70 and 50 grams, respectively.  
  
*
Please limit your sentences to one thought process per presentation. Since the minimum sentence requirement for each of the 3-4 paragraphs is 3 sentences, no more than 5 sentences, you should aim for clarity in every sentence presentation. That is accomplished by creating a coherent paragraph. The coherent paragraph is based on the singular thought presentations per sentence in relation to the related topics for that paragraph.  
  
Look at these sentence samples. Compare the clarity of these sentences with your presentation:  
  
*The line graph image provided data for the consumption of fish, lamb, beef, and chicken. The measurements were taken over a 15 year period. The information provided did not indicate any country in particular as the source of the information.*  
  
*Based on the starting measurements from 1979, it appeared that beef was the most consumed at 200 grams per week. This was quickly followed by chicken and lamb at ... respectively. Fish, on the other hand...*  
  
Note the clearer presentation in the above examples when compared to your presentation. You need to find a uniform way of presenting the information to help keep a standard discussion format in your paper that focuses on clarity rather than the quantity of words. Note the crossover points in the graph where chicken and beef intersected and report on that as will be the comparison point of note in the presentation.
@qdark  
Hello qdark. Although I just got a moderate ielts band score, I have some comment on your work  
You can combined first two para because I think you are splitting too small your idea. The intro of task 1 can conclude the paraphrase of the question sentence and an overview sentence. My teacher said that is the best way to start a task 1 essay  
  
For the body structure, I suggest another approach, that you can have the first para for the items have upward trend, and the second for the category with the opposite trend  
  
You made some spelling and word choice mistakes too, check it again by some tools on the internet  
Good luck with your ielts practicing time.
***Some people think that it is better to raise children in the countryside than in the city.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree with this point?

  
  
Contemporarily, some people deem that children should be brought up in a rural area than the city. From my point of view, I partly have the same ideal with that statement.  
  
First of all, rural areas are surrounded by the nature with many local things themselves. Kids living in rural areas often have a strong connection with places where they live. For instance, they often have a thing for protecting the environment not only in their town but also the other places. One more important example of that is that children will realize the true significance of nature. If children live in cities, to a certain extent, they may not realize how vital the environment gives them.  
  
The other reason that raising in the countryside is better than the city for kids is that they will know the real things happening in their lives by their eyes, not by any documentary movies or books. To make sense of that, for instance, many children living in cities know many sorts of trees or birds by reading schooling books or watching films, yet they do not know how to distinct grass and rice in the fields. Students leading their lives in rural areas will learn things naturally themselves, not by any hard-touching things in books.  
  
On the other hand, raising children in the city also has some beneficial effects. One important of them is the overall education. Quite a few cities have a mountain of places that kids can take part in to educate themselves not only on the subjects they are learning at school but also soft skills. Children can emerge themself in English by talking with foreigners walking in the park which is those living in rural areas cannot. It means that studying new and modern things seem to be easy for city-children.  
  
To conclude, many reasons can prove that children raised in the countryside will gain much more beneficial effects than in the city, although still exist some things that rural areas have yet to satisfy.  
  
(I hope that I can get your feedback about my writing and your score for the essay)
Hi,im currently a learner so pls ignore if i make mistakes  
Try to keep everything short and simple(From my point of view->From my perspective,In my opinion.First of all->Firstly)  
Try to avoid such words like can,will,must because you cant make sure things will happen as you said(there are exceptions of course :))  
  
Try to paraphrase the word kids(which is informal) as young people,next generation,offsprings(where related to parents)  
You gave too much examples,it is better to develop an essay with one example in each paragraph to leave some room for explanations.  
You did not use a wide range of vocabs  
Thankyou for reading!!!!
Rather than saying that you partly agree, you should instead frame the response in the manner of an extent response such as:  
  
*I consider myself in agreement with this point of view up to the point that...*  
  
The phrase "up to the point that..." indicates the extent of your agreement and also gives the outline for your discussion paragraphs. By the way, you need to use a different term for "city" as it was already used in the original prompt. You could have said "urbanized areas" instead (as a sample synonym). Additionally, you are short in that paragraph presentation by 1 sentence. The minimum sentence requirement per paragraph is 3, mo more than 5. The ideal writing is 275-290 words.  
  
What should not have been included in this discussion presentation? The "on the other hand" discussion was not necessary as you were not asked to make a comparative discussion. You were only asked for your opinion, which you were expected to defend within 2 reasoning paragraphs / 2 reasoning subjects. This is only a 4 paragraph format essay. So your format presentation is off in this instance. Where a comparison discussion is not required, none should be provided. That will be deducted from your word count due to irrelevance to the discussion. That means. your word count goes down from 337 words to 247 relevant words for the essay. You now fall under the minimum word count of 250, resulting in word penalties for your essay.  
  
This is why you have to be careful. Always provide the information required. Do not include unnecessary information. Make sure you keep track of your word count by simply writing the minimum to maximum number of sentences. That is the sure fire way of always meeting the word count. Always double check your content against the writing instructions. Do not deviate from the discussion, do not add non-required information either. These are the common errors that often slip up the students.