dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Ayeshah, when you write a debate paper, you cannot just write the reasons that justify your claim. You must also present the opposing ideas and offer the reasons as to why their classrooms are wrong. Don't base the opposition on the obvious alone. Think of reasons that can be found to attack your reasoning. Expect the possible questions and immediately cut their possible opposition by informing the listeners about those possible questions through your expanded discussions. Have someone read what you have written and ask that person if he has any questions about cheerleading being a sport after reading your debate essay. Based upon the questions and reactions of that person, improve the content of your debate information. Bear in mind that a strong debate stance is one that doesn't allow the opposition a chance to proceed with their own debate because you preempted their discussion already. .
## for most of us it's crucial to finish an university

  
  
Going to a university is an important stage in our life. Because it is a place where we can cultivate knowledge and prepare essential skills to join the workforce. Many people argue that you don't have to go to a college or a university to get a job. But I don't believe that. In my opinion, entering university is an excellent decision for two important reasons.  
  
The main reason is that you need to enrich your knowledge. Because in high school, you only learn fundamental knowledge. You don't have chance to study it in depth. At a university, they have facilities and many talented professors who will support you and help you discover various subjects. One of my best friends, Tuan, is an industrious student. He learns Math at University of Science. He told me that thanks to his professor he now know that mathematic has countless applications in the real world. He said he didn't get it at high school but he actually ascertain it at university. Knowledge is powerful. You can't crave knowledge without attending a university.  
  
There is another reason that deserve some words here. Studying at a university enable us to prepare some crucial skills which you need to cope with problem in your life. You will learn how to interact with other people who have different backgrounds. You can also learn how to manage your finance, how to become independence... Those skills are very important for you to be a successful person in the future. As you can see, you only acquire those skills at a university where it is taught.  
  
In sum, though some may advocate some individuals such as Bill Gate who droped out Harvard University. I strongly believe that most of us will can't obtain enough knowledge or prepared skills if we don't go to a university. If you want to pursuit of your dream, I think the best way is to go to university.
Dao, in proper written grammar, you cannot use the words "Because" and "But" to start a sentence because it is a word that is used to connect two separate ideas in one sentence. It is a connecting word and as such, should never be placed at the start of a sentence since there are no words or thoughts to connect to one another in that instance. You must also avoid using ellipses, the 3 successive periods, in an academic essay. The ellipses are best used in creative writing in order to signify connected thoughts in an imaginative manner. This is an academic essay. Therefore, the writing must always be straightforward and as informative as possible. Although there are some major grammatical problems in your essay, the fact remains that the reasoning you wrote, specially the one based upon your friend's experience, has helped the essay discussion become informative and authoritative. It showed that you have a thorough understanding of the English prompt and how it is to be discussed. So I can safely say that you did a good job in developing this essay, even though thee are some grammar problems located within the essay. It did not take the focus of the reader away from the prompt discussion, even as it sometimes caused stress for the reader.
**In order for the world to be a greener place, punishment and fines for environmentally unfriendly acts committed by individuals need to be more severe.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.**  
  
## punishment and fines need to be more severe

  
  
With the rapid growth of population, many problems such as water shortages, waste of energy pollution are beginning to surface. These issues have lead to increasingly problem of environment trends. As for as I concerned, governments should sense a responsibility and take many factors into consideration.  
  
To some extent, the increasingly fierce social competition that forced the rapid development in industries. For example, factories, chemicals processing are part of the majority that involved in pollution. These sectors are contributing and improving our economic growth but there are arguments in both sides. This lead to negative effects on water and air pollution that related to an serious part in our health. As the proverbs goes to " Every coins have its both sides, No garden without the weeds.  
  
Furthermore, it is undoubtedly that human being keep abreast with the development of social status, therefore neglected the priority of the environment issue. For example, the younger generation prefer to have personal automobile in sense of convenience and gratification. These behaviors have lead to serious air pollution and furthermore road congestion. But they didn't notice the interest in the long run which health is more important than everything. In order to improve the current air conditions that we are facing now, certain effective measure need to be carried out which attach great importance to greener environment.  
  
In conclusion, a better environment is indirectly related to our health. Personally, the advantages of punishments is far outweigh than the disadvantages. Every options has its pro and corns and we will need decide which benefit us in the long term priority to our well being, all else comes second.  
  
(275 words)
Tan, I don't know how to say this without hurting your feelings but, you have failed to properly discuss the prompt as per the topic given and the instructions provided. Therefore, there is no other score left for this essay except a 3. It seems you missed the keywords that indicated how the topic is to be addressed in the essay. The key terms were "Agree or Disagree" and "Give examples". The topic for the essay is *"punishment and fines for environmentally unfriendly acts committed by individuals need to be more severe."* None of these terms or instructions were addressed in your prompt paraphrasing and your succeeding discussion did not even come close to presenting the prompt discussion instruction. What you did was discuss a prompt that you made up, based upon what you understood of the original instructions. Unfortunately, your English comprehension skills failed you this time as you did not really understand what the topic was all about. Which is why you ended up discussing something totally different in the essay that you wrote. Nowhere in the essay did you even touch on the topic of a fining system in order to help prevent environmentally unfriendly acts. Neither did you agree or disagree with the statement, as required, in the opening statement. Overall, the essay was bound to fail because of your lack of thorough understanding of the prompt instructions and topic for discussion.
**Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of the society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.**  
  
## growing-up stages from different aspects

  
  
Being a good member in society is an important lesson for children, and who should take such responsibility, whether parents or school, becoming a worth discussing issue. I think both sides play equally important roles and reasons are following.  
  
Firstly, imitation is children's nature, and the way they learn to treat the world. Furthermore, their first models are usually their parents, who spent most of time with during the childhood. Kids copy parents' behavior, regarding the words they use, the attitude they toward others and the value they have. There is a Chinese saying that goes, like father like son, which means what kind of parents will have the same type of children.  
  
Secondly, after entering schools, where not only provide the educational opportunities, but also a place children start to learn how to cope with others. This is their step to socialize. Apart from the peer, teachers are model to the kids as well, since they replace the roles as parents in school life, who lead children explore the world. You can image a school as a small society, where the child will face many frustrations and joy, learning how to be a mature adult.  
  
To conclude, although people hold different views toward who should teach children be a great participant of society, whether parents or school, I suppose each roles are significant since these people will affect the children in many aspects during their growing-up stages.
Arlen, since the prompt instructions indicate that you have to discuss both sides of the issue and then offer your opinion, using examples from your life or popular information, I can accurately say that your essay did not meet the specific prompt requirements. You have turned the essay into a personal opinion paper alone, showing a disregard or misunderstanding of the prompt requirements. I am not sure if you just forgot the discussion format or you really did not understand what was expected of your essay. Whatever the reason, the grade for this essay will be a 3. Once you fail in the task accuracy portion, specifically because you did not properly present your response in accordance with the requirements, there is no way that your essay, regardless of how well written it is, can pass the test. Miss out on one or two instructions and your essay becomes a totally different discussion from the original. So you cannot be given a passing score in that instance.
## Channel one news - comparing statistics about numbers of viewers

  
  
The line chart exhibits information about the average of daily program Channel One News from January to December. The aired time could be divided in two groups as 1 pm and 6 pm figure, and 9:30 pm and 11 pm figure. Overall, all figures experience several changes, and the second group have the most contradictory changes.  
  
The first group has a slight changes on trend over a 12-month period. In the beginning of the year, 1 pm figure stood at above 1 million of viewers, and it stay constant until the end of period. Meanwhile, 6 pm figure has the biggest number of viewers, but it experiences downtrend during a year. However, the first group has significant difference in the first year and it is continuing until the end of period.  
  
The second group has a contradictory changes from May to December. Initially, 9:30 pm figure has about 3 million of viewers, and it peakes in May. Meanwhile, 11 pm figure was introduced in May, and it stood at under 1 million of viewers. Interestingly, 11 pm figure reach a peak at 4 million in August, whereas 9:30 pm figure hits a low of 1 million of viewers.  
  
*
Reza, the information that you provide in the summary is incomplete. The line graph information indicates the start of the 11 pm broadcast as being May 1 and yet you failed to mention such an important piece of information in the essay. There was also no need to group the viewing times into 2 because the essay called for each time slot to be discussed individually, as pairs, or as a group that had overlapping figures. The information that you provide in the essay is reliant only on the immediate facts presented. There is a lack of closer investigation and analysis regarding the viewership information per time slot. You cannot present selective figures in the essay when each time slot had clear viewership number presented per month. These mistakes have created an inaccurate information presentation in the essay. the reader cannot accurately assess the information you are providing due to the lacking information in your essay. It was necessary for you to always quote the month, time, and number of viewers for the news programs of the station. The information would have created an idea as to the effectiveness of the newscast and the interest of the viewers in the program. Due to the mechanical presentation of the obvious information and lack of analysis of the viewership numbers per month, the essay will possibly only score as high as a 5.
The prompt says:The graph shows the income of four cafes in Newyork over last year. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features. Make the comparisons where relevant  
  
## Internet Expenses

  
  
The line graph gives the breakdown of the profit in millions of dollar of the tea room, Wi-fi café, internet express and café cool in New York over the previous year. Overall, it is clear that while the profit of four café experienced some fluctuations, the general trend climbed, more than twice in a region of 250 million in January to 500 million in December. While the pay of Café cool, Internet Express and especially Wi-fi café jumped steadily, the tea room declined enormously.  
  
There was a dramatic rise in the income of Wi-fi café. Between January to December, there was more than fourfold, 50 million to 190 million, respectively, with peaking in September approximately 60 million of dollars. By contrast, the tendency of the tea room which was the only earnings was downwards, decreasing from160 million in January to nearly 50 million, a reduction of sixteen out of five.  
  
By comparison, the income of internet express experienced a smaller rise than Wifi café from January to December, an increase of seven out of six, 120million and 140 million, in turn. While the trend of four months between April and July was flat, approximately 80 million, the proportion in August started staging a recovery. Similarly, the tendency for café cool was moderately upwards, growing from 30 million of salary to 100 million, respectively, more than three in ten  
  
*
hi @Maitouyen282  
  
... in a region of 250 million in January to 500 million in December.  
I am not sure what figure you mention is, but i want to suggest that in summary of Writing task 1, you should avoid to include numbers.  
  
with peaking in September approximately 60 million of dollars.  
peaking? in fact, the line chart showed a dramatic decline in September.  
  
in turn  
you also are able to replace 'in turn' with respectively or consecutively.  
  
hope it helps you
hay....@Maitouyen282  
  
i have just read whole your essay. firstly, you wrote an overview clearly, unfortunately, it was very detail. As i know, we have to summarize the general trend or you can make a comparison by time or you compare each features. a slight problems also were found on your essay. sometimes you used past sentence and sometimes you write with past tense. make sure the time on the question first, and use the appropriate tenses.
To, let me start by pointing out the problems with the essay. First of all, the indication of the figures is given in the chart is in the hundreds of dollars, as represented by the chart explanation of "000s Dollars". 3 figures is in the hundreds, 4 figures, in the thousands, 6 figures, in the millions. I really cannot find any indication that the income provided is in the millions of dollars. You once again failed to properly summarize the prompt requirement for presentation in the summary overview. You still have the same problems with regards to your run on sentences which prevent you from completing the minimum 3 paragraph requirement. You neglected to properly capitalize the names of the businesses, which are all proper nouns. You did not place a period at the end of the final sentence in the closing paragraph, thus leaving the sentence hanging. These problems will crate major score deductions in terms of the GRA considerations. You also forgot to discuss the overlapping income of Internet Express and Wi-Fi Cafe. These small problems always have big repercussions when it comes to scoring you so that it seems that you cannot get a score much higher than a 4 or 5. Depending upon what other considerations the examiner might have when scoring your essay.
*Some say living in the city is more comfortable. Other however claim that city life is complicated.  
Discuss both views and give your opinion.*  
  
## where is the best place to live

  
  
There is contentious issue among citizen whether city life is convenient or not. While there are some benefits gained when deciding to live in the city, there might be some disadvantages should not be overlooked.  
  
On the one hand, those supporting that people are easy to do their activities when living in the city often claim that many public infrastructur can support various kind of activities done by them. For example, if someone wants to take an IELTS test, it will be much cheaper and more efficient to take an IELTS test if they live in the city. Accesible information is also better in the city than in the village. People who are living far from city sometimes get lack of information, the one and only news they got is just from radio station.  
  
On the other hand, the opponents of city life argue that the stressful thing living in the city is mostly because of their traffic congestion. People sometimes take some breakfast and even working on the way they go to work in the early morning due to avoiding the traffic congestion. Living in the city also makes the community life is more individual. People close their door all the day, go to work in the morning and are back home in the evening. Moreover, people in the city mostly have a big fence of house so, it is impossible to talk with their neighbour.  
  
In conclusion, while living in the city is in favour with some advantages given, I also believe that there should be a measure taken to cope with problems which might appear when becoming a city-settler.
Rodiah, the essay clearly states that you are supposed to discuss both public views before your discuss your personal opinion in the essay. There is no indication in your essay of a discussion of both opinions prior to your point of view. That is because you did not properly restate the prompt topic and instructions in your opening statement. Considering that there are a few missing sentences in your opening statement, it is clear that you either forgot the instructions, so it did not reflect in the essay paraphrased statement or, you did not understand the instructions. Since the essay did not represent the prompt requirements in the discussion, as you only discussed one part of the essay requirements, the score for your essay will not be higher than a 4. If you wish to score higher than this in your next practice test, make sure that you properly assess the prompt requirements and then develop the discussion properly in your essay. Do not bother to rewrite this essay for this prompt. Once you have been scored, that grade is final. You do not get to repeat the IELTS test so you don't get to repeat your practice essays either. This is a real time assessment of your work and the score is final. By the way, the essay has some misspellings and also problems with grammar development. While the grammar is not very good, there are allowances given for that in the scoring system. As long as you are understood by the reader, then your score in that aspect could be passing. It is problem with the prompt requirement and subsequent discussion that really pulled down your score.
**Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace (e.g at home, when travelling, etc). Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadventages?**  
  
## Today's technology improvements

  
  
It goes without saying that technology improvement has bring a ripple effect on human life, especially when it comes to talk about employment flexibility. As such, it has allowed many workers to finish their task wherever they want to. Personally, I also think that the merits of this improvement outweight the drawbacks.  
  
The information-technology impovement has influenced the flexibility of workers, especially on the way they complete their job. Obviously, this also relates to their productivity. Furthermore, some jobs in particular art company did not need to compel the workers to stay in office all the time. That is why they will get a huge benefits from this simplicity. This is because the artist can complete their painting in the other places, such as home, field, or in tourism places. Moreover, this mobility has influenced on how people arrange their time to work and to relax based on their own self. Additionally, the another benefit of this is relating to how the company has to reduce their outcome, due to the fact that, the office should not be operate 24 hours per day.  
  
On the other hand, we can not deny that this technology improvement has some drawbacks too, owing to the fact that there also a job which force the labour to accomplish work in the office, in particular for a big company. For more detail, lets take an example on electronic services' companies. They tend to entire their time in the workplace because it it impossible to doing their job on the other places. That is why, I could say that the disadventages of this mobility are regarding to the effectiveness of workers time to make the problem clear.  
  
Clearly, there are some benefits from technology advances since it can makes some particular work became more flexible and highly producing. However, it also has brought a drawbacks as the work became disorganise.
halo miss @Anhy chan  
  
I have read your essay and I found mistaken spelling.  
Outweight = should be "outweight"  
Impovement= should be "improvement"  
  
You also have to learn how to combine two noun into adjective. Such as "art company" should be "art-company"  
You also should pay attention to subject verb agreement.  
....This is because the artist can complete their painting in the other places, such as home, field, or in tourism places.... = you should write the artists and their paintings (in plural)
Sriwidayani, your essay is very weak. It does not really offer any solid evidence that the benefits of IT outweigh its disadvantages. You did present a discussion, but the evidence to support it was mostly general in nature instead of specific. In order to promote the idea that IT has more advantages, there needed to have been a specific mention of the IT methods or gadgets that make telecommuting a more advantageous method of working when compared to commuting to the office in order to perform work related tasks. You were supposed to also concentrate on technological innovations and not occupations such as painting. That does not require technology for its performance. That is not a telecommuting job that relies on technology.  
  
In your second paragraph, you assumed that the person will still need to go to the office to do work even with the gadgets available. Your discussion in this aspect is a prompt deviation and as such, forces your score to become even lower. The discussion in that paragraph is wrong because the given topic centers on only one premise which is *"Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace"*. As such, you have proven that you did not understand the prompt and you do not have enough knowledge with which to properly discuss the topic. These are the reasons why I do not think you can score higher than a 3.