dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
@kuan446697 your line of reasoning in the essay is faulty. You have not appropriately defended your first line of reasoning in the second paragraph because you indicated that the older people cannot satisfy the requirements based upon social experiments. You did not indicate what experiments these were, who conducted it, and what the results were. Therefore, your line of reasoning is incomplete. This will lower your C&C score tremendously. That is why it is of the utmost importance that only publicly known information be shared as evidence in these essays. When you do not have time to accurately defend a line of reason, you will lose in the C&C scoring section. You should not have included such a reference in order to have kept the paragraph strong. This also made your concluding statement hearsay and without merit. Hence, the essay will get a low score due to questionable arguments.
**At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?**  
  
## human population by age

  
  
According to census that in some countries, the population of young adults is much more than older people. In my opinion, I think this phenomenon brings more advantages than disadvantages and my reasons are following.  
  
Firstly, it benefits the economic. The youth can do more labor jobs than the old, especially in some physical-oriented industry. The number of young people illustrates the workforce and the larger number demonstrates the more productivity. Also, less old people means the lighten burden of young generation has to be responsible to. It can let young people concentrate on contributing to develop economic.  
  
The second advantage of more young people than old people is that the young generation absorb new knowledge efficiently. They born in internet era, which makes them get used to share and obtain information globally. They can get rid of tradition and bad policy easily. With fresh idea and high-tech, the youth creative progressed society.  
  
However, it cannot be denied that the contribution made by senior people with experience from life or professional. They are suitable to the position of decision maker. Therefore, they can pass their experience to the next generation, in order to create a brighter future.  
  
To sum up, although old people have their value to the country, young adults dedicate more energy and pour innovation into the society. That is why I think the advantages of this situation far outweigh the disadvantages.
Arlen, while your opening statement is a somewhat accurate depiction of the original prompt, it falls under the minimum sentence requirement for the complete paragraph by one sentence. So expect a lower C&C score in the overall consideration. Your first sentence should have been separated by a period instead of a comma.  
  
You have a problem with sentence clarity that will affect your C&C score as well. In the second paragraph, your last 2 sentences do not have a clear topic and meaning. It leaves the reader wondering about what you are trying to say. Your third paragraph has a missing connecting word between "They" and "born". The missing word is "are". This creates a stressful situation for the reader which will then lower your GRA score.  
  
Your concluding paragraph is acceptable and has accurately closed the essay. You managed to get the essence of the overall discussion into the final summary which shows that you know how to appropriately close these sorts of essay.
TOPIC:- **The international community should reduce or eliminate the debt of the world's poorest countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree.**  
  
## financial aid in terms of debt

  
  
Nowadays, it has been observed that the developed countries provide financial aid in terms of debt, to the under-developed nations. There is a proposal to either completely waive-off or lower down the debt given to these countries. I partially agree with the proposal.  
  
On one hand, completely writing-off or reducing the debt of the poorest countries will help in the growth and development of these countries. By taking financial aid from the developed nations, the underdeveloped countries are trapped in a vicious circle. They utilize this amount to improve the infrastructure of the country and in providing an efficient and advanced healthcare facility to its citizens. However, in order to pay back the loan amount along with huge interests, they end up utilizing their nations reserve. Henceforth, by waiving off the loan amount, they would concentrate on implementing measures on improving the economic conditions and the standard of living of the population instead of diverting their focus on exploring options of paying back the amount.  
  
On the other hand, lowering or nullifying the debt amount of the underdeveloped nations would create a negative impact on the developed countries. As per the international treaties, legal and ethical rules and regulations have been laid down to provide financial aid to these countries. Exempting the poor countries from financial liabilities will be considered, a biased approach. This would create negativity and may disturb the peace and harmony of the nations across the world.  
  
In my opinion, it is a good option to lower down the debt amount of the underdeveloped nations to boost their economy. However, the amount should not be completely waived-off. As these nations could take undue advantages in the future, by making it a practice. They could completely get dependant on these financial aids for the development of the nation.  
  
To conclude, reducing or eliminating the loan amount of the poor countries can contribute to the overall growth of these nations. However, this could lead to unrest in different parts of the world. Henceforth, the proposal should be planned wisely before executing it.
Chinky, based upon the work that you have done in this practice essay, I do not doubt that you will score somewhere between a 6 and 7 had this been an actual test scenario. I am highly impressed by the way that you create your opening statements. It shows a clear understanding of the topic provided and an even more impressive command of synonym usage in your statement. This is the portion of the test that actually boosted your score. Overall, you have shown that you are capable of using the English language in an advanced manner. While your grammar is not perfect in structure and usage in all instances, these do not create any confusion for the reader and you still deliver understandable paragraphs. You should be proud of the work that you did. This shows your potential to pass the test at a possible 9 band score. You must now focus on improving your grammar skills and sentence presentation. Practice using fill in the blank exercises that can be found online or through English grammar exercise apps. Once you manage to improve your grammar presentation, your scores in other aspects will also be sure to improve.
Hi Chinky  
Your writing is brilliant! I saw you managed to write on spot with wide range lexical resource.  
Could you share how you prepare your writing, please? Like what practice did you take or how you learn these formal words? What is your routine to improve your English? Anything.  
  
I'm asking this because it seems like you are a self-learner like me. I've been studying English from youtube, mostly. And I do not turn to cram school because they only teach you how to score higher but not practical in our daily life.  
  
I would be very grateful if you could share your methods!
**Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives.**  
  
## independent youngsters today

  
  
The evolution of the world is quite rapidly, and the structure of society and lifestyle also change gradually, becoming more complex and more options. In the ancient Chinese society, it really limited to develop and follow own mind due to traditional custom. Therefore, in my opinion, I firmly agree with this statement that young people become more independent and can do decisions by themselves.  
  
To begin with, there are many different kinds of opportunities can young people choose. In modern, because of a prosperous life, more and more needed from people has emerged, as a result, others will provide services what they want. For instance, social media is common now, everybody can show themselves and ideas to the public through this way, also, people are attracted by that information. Youtuber which is a new type job is a good example, many people as youtuber can earn money to survive. In contrast, young people didn't have too much option to choose their work in past time, what they could do just being the officer or taking over the family business, so they always relied on their parents to provide money to study or work. But today there are various selections of work, so young people have the ability to choose what they want to do.  
  
Secondly, it is free to develop relationships between man and women. Women can meet others with no obstacle from her parents, and men also can marry the girl who he loved. Moreover, through social media, such as Facebook, Skype, and dating apps, people can meet different people from foreign countries. The means widen the range of making friends, also have more possibility to develop the relationship. On the other hand, young people in early Chinese society, they all had to listen to parents, who help them to decide who they can marry. Because there were many rules and old concepts which needed to be obeyed at that time. Thus, people now can choose their wife or husband by themselves, it is better for them to have own life, rather than depend on the family and lost values of self.  
  
Irrefutably, some people may say that today young people who have too much liberty decide what they want, it causes the society become competitive and the strait between elder and next generation. However, if young people can have a chance to determine their life, it means that they can take care of themselves. They can create any possibility as well, to make the society advance in the future.  
  
In short, due to many limitations in past time, most of the young people have to comply with parents, instead of having a chance to plan their life. Conversely, they are freer in the modern times, many advantages for them to arrange life, no matter to organize their family or work in a suitable position.
@vum  
Hope following recommendations are helpful:  
The opening sentence needs just one accepted fact related to the topic. Following the opening sentence, you should paraphrase the prompt.  
~~is~~ happened quite rapidly - An adverb needs a verb  
To begin with, ~~there are many different kinds of~~ more ... to young ~~people choose~~ generations.  
your third paragraph doesn't have a clear relationship with the prompt. You could have talked about the tendency of independence in young people or any limitation in the past.  
  
Since the prompt wanted you to take sides you don't need the fourth paragraph.  
  
You also add new reasons in conclusion without any discussion in body paragraphs. A conclusion wraps up previous information.  
  
I suggest you take a look at word forms(Adverbs, Verbs, Nouns, ...) and their place in the sentences. In addition, you can read other's essay to have an overall structure for your own essays.
Hi vum  
  
1.The paraphrasing you made in first paragraph is not accurate. you should try to use different words to describe the exact same meaning.  
The question prompt did not limited the reference to Chinese society, thus you should not wrote that in your first paragraph.  
2. "Therefore" should be used to conclude a discussion. It does not make sense to wrote in your opening paragraph.  
  
Try look for other similar essays in this forum and analyze the structure they use in their essays, this will help you a lot.  
  
cheers
Vum, in an actual exam, the examiner would have taken one look at this essay and decided to give you a failing score. You would only get a 1 for this essay because it does not discuss anything in relation to the original prompt requirement. In fact, even your paraphrasing is not only inaccurate, but irrelevant. Look at the comparison below to understand why that happened:  
  
*Original Prompt:  
Topic: In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them  
Discussion Point: today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives.  
Discussion Instruction: Do you agree or disagree*  
  
*Your Paraphrase:  
Topic: In the ancient Chinese society, it really limited to develop and follow own mind due to traditional custom.  
Discussion Point: The evolution of the world is quite rapidly, and the structure of society and lifestyle also change gradually, becoming more complex and more options.  
  
Discussion Response: I firmly agree with this statement that young people become more independent and can do decisions by themselves.*  
  
What key element is missing in your discussion? Exactly. The topic is not about Chinese society and its traditions and customs in general. It is about the international concept of parents making decisions for their young offspring rather than allowing the maturing or adult offspring to decide for themselves. Your essay is nowhere near the requirements of the prompt in terms of topic or discussion. That is why it got a score of 1. Your answer was completely unrelated to the task provided.
This is my essay for IELTS Writing Task 1. I would be grateful if someone here sends me some comments.  
  
## ***IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - TABLE - AVERAGE MONTHLY RAINFALL***

  
  
The table shows the different rainfall on average in each month of the year in two cities. There is a significant difference in the amount of rain between Woodsville and Blacksboro among the year.  
  
In Woodsville, autumn is the season with the least rainfall amounts, with a little over 3 inches on average in total from July to September. In contrast, it rains much in the winter. November and December is the top two months with the highest rainfall, with an average of 6 inches and 5.5 inches, respectively. Rainfall is recorded to be decrease steadily from the beginning of the year - January - 5 inches on average until it reaches the lowest number in July, with an average of just under 1 inch.  
  
In Blacksboro, on the other hand, the amount of rain is much more smaller than in Woodsville. The rainfall is concentrated mostly in the spring, and February sees the biggest rain amounts, with an average of 4 inches. However, this number is just equal to two-thirds of the highest number of rainfall in Woodsville. Autumn is also the season in which the rain is not much, with only 0.3 inches on average in total of three years between July and September.  
  
Overall, Woodsville rains much in the winter, while spring in Blacksboro rains a lot. The average monthly rainfall in Woodsville is higher than that in Blacksboro in general.  
  
(232 words)  
  
*
John, the summary overview is incomplete. It does not indicate what work is to be done and why it has to be done prior to your trending statement. A more complete presentation would be:  
  
*The table provided indicated the comparison rates of rainfall per month. The data indicated are for the cities of Woodsville and Blackboro. It appears that there is a considerable difference in the rainfall received by the two cities throughout the year. This essay will analyze the presented data and compare points whenever required.*  
  
Now, the rest of the presentation is acceptable. However you have two trending statements within your essay when you need only one. Always include the trending statement in the overview rather than at the end because this essay does not require a concluding sentence or statement. You should also take note of the measurements that are similar within the two cities for presentation in the essay. You did not indicate that the two cities averaged the same amount of rain in February. That was an important comparison point for this essay that would have increased your score in terms of task accuracy.
Hello, here are my advises,  
  
I think the first paragraph should be like introduction, you shouldn't mention any "trend" inside, which should be revealed in overall view. I will revise the topic in another way in introduction, to enrich the capability of vocabulary.  
  
Then I think the overall view can be longer since the comparison is one of the requirements of IELTS test 1, and you should put that in your overall view.  
  
Hope it helps!
**The charts below show the protein and calorie intakes of people in different parts of the world.**  
  
## Protein and calorie intakes

  
  
Given are two bar graphs illustrate the average intakes of protein and calorie of people in 4 various regions of the world.  
  
It is noticeable that North America has the highest proportion of intakes of protein and calorie, while India has the least proportion of protein and calorie intakes.  
  
According to the first chart, the sum of animal and other sources of protein intake in North America is 80 units including 18 and 62 units for other sources and animal respectively. Meanwhile, the gap between North America and the region has the least intake of protein, India, is overwhelmingly more than 50 units. The proportion of protein intake from animal and other are almost equal which is 13 units for animal and 15 units for others.  
  
Likewise, the average intake of calorie in North America is 3500 units which is the highest as well. The average intake of calorie in North America is 500 units more than the ideal calorie intake. In contrast, the calorie intake in India is significantly less than the ideal calorie, the difference is 1000 units and the calorie intake of people in India is just 2000 unit.  
  
194 words, 19 mins  
  
*
Lin, your opening summary is incomplete. The various regions on the world should have been enumerated in the second sentence, along with the two types of protein that was consumed. Then the trending statement should have been added to the overview because that would have delivered an accurate outline for your discussion. As of now, the explanation / summary is incomplete and does not effectively inform the reader.  
  
At the start of each paragraph, you must indicate what sort of chart you will be describing. This will be your topic sentence. So in presenting the first chart, you should have said *"The Average Protein Intake per region indicates a degree of differences between countries..."* and the second chart introduction would have been better stated as *"The second chart indicates that the average intake of calories per country..."*  
  
There was no need for you to total the North American intake for the analysis. I always repeat to the students, repeat only the information found in the illustration. Do not make assumptions regarding information not present, unless that is a logical conclusion easily arrived at by a simple glance at the provided information. If you have to compute something, you will most likely make a mistake due to your unfamiliarity with the method by which the information was collected. So do not compute information. Just present the obvious measurements. India and East Africa had the same other protein intake, you did not mention that in your report. 13 and 18 should have been individual reports.
Please check out my essay! Thank you in advance!  
*Modern communications mean that it's no longer necessary to write a letter. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?*  
  
## Letter Writing Still Matters

  
  
Whether we should remain writing a letter despite the appearance of technological tools is an on-going debate. There is a thought that handwriting letters should be abolished as it is unnecessary anymore. I myself hold a strong belief that while this idea may be justifiable, there are several aspects which should be taken into consideration.  
  
In terms of hi-tech communications, there are a number of reasons why advanced technology can take over the traditional way of communication. First of all, thanks to electrical devices such as laptops, smart phones, and tablets which are connected to the Internet, it is much user-friendly to contact each other despite a long distance. For example, some social networks such as Facebook,or Instagramallow users to keep in touch with their friends and family all the time. Secondly, modern tools help people save time and energy due to the speed of sending information and receiving messages. In the past, people used to wait about 2 to 5 days or even a week until a letter was delivered, but now online messaging is an good example which demonstrates how faster it is to receive a message response after a few minutes.  
  
However, people can not get rid of writing habits with ease for three following reasons.The first reason why this idea is supported is that writing letters is a means of documentation and proofs which scientiests merely base on to do research on many fields. Another motivation for this stance is that writing letters plays an important role in big events such as wedding parties or bussiness meetings because letters are continuously used in invitations to express sincerity and fomality. Lastly, people may evaluate parts of their personality via observing their handwriting letters.  
  
In conclusion, I am fully behind the view that comtemporary communications and writing letters are equally essential as both of them have beneficial effects on individuals and societies.
Tuan, your score for this essay will be failing. The reason? You did not accurately discuss the essay within the prompt parameters. Your opening statement was not a proper paraphrase, the discussion method was not in accordance with the discussion instruction, the list of mistakes in this essay go on and on. These problems all stemmed from the fact that you did not understand what the discussion instruction was. While you did understand what the topic for discussion is, the method of discussion is the more important factor in the scoring considerations. Due to the problematic paraphrase, the whole essay ended up not delivering on the required elements. The correct paraphrase is:  
  
*Modern communications now rely on technology rather than the primitive pen and paper style. That is what these days, it is believed that people no longer need to write letters. I am in total agreement with this statement for several reasons.*  
  
This is not a comparison essay but rather a single opinion essay. That is why your discussion method is unacceptable. You chose to do a discussion of both sides, without an actual presentation of a point of view coming from you. The proper discussion would have been a 3 body paragraph presenting only your point of view in the following manner:  
  
Paragraph 2 - Extended personal opinion explanation (based on personal experience)  
Paragraph 3- Supporting evidence presentation  
Paragraph 4 - Example to support the evidence (additional personal experience or some other popular example)  
  
Done in the proper manner, you could have gotten a pretty high score with this essay. You show a good grasp of English language usage. Unfortunately, that does not translate in an ability to understand English. You first need to be able to understand English before you can accurately discuss it. Maybe you just got confused as to how to discuss this essay. Maybe you will do better next time. I look forward to reading it.