dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## house husbands and breadwinners

  
  
*In recent years, the number of house husbands has been increasing dramatically while some mothers are becoming the breadwinners. There are some main reasons for this phenomenon, which I consider as a positive development for family roles.*  
  
Compared to the past, because of many social changes, more men and women swap traditional family roles. Gender equality gives females more opportunities to get access to advanced education and explore their full potential, which make them strong contenders in the job market. Mothers with high-profile jobs, which have better salaries than their husbands', decide to continue to climb the ladder of success while their husbands take on the role of a homemaker. Moreover, fathers who are home-base workers like painters, translators and designers can choose to stay home to work and look after their children at the same time.  
  
Overall, this shift in cultural gender roles benefits husbands and wives' relationship and their children's development. When men and women swap roles, the male homemakers will come to understand the difficulties of managing a household, while the female breadwinners learn to deal with stress from and social problems. This will lead to better understanding between two partners, thus deepen their love and strengthen their relationship. Furthermore, while stay-at-home fathers have more time to interact with their children to understand their needs and foster self-assurance and self-discipline in them, mothers as breadwinners usually do not neglect their children and can communicate with them on a daily basic, which is crucial to child development.  
  
In conclusion, owing to the enormous changes of modern society, househusbands become more common and this should be seen as progress.
Hi, in your first paragraph, I cannot understand what is your main point. It seems to me that you tried to use a lot of advanced words in order to impress examiners. In IELTS, you do not really need to add as much as you can the advanced words to get high score. The main difference between good sample and terrible sample is how a candidate organizes ideas logically. In your essay, I feel that there is no connection between ideas. In Task Response criteria, your band score would be very low as you did not show any relevant dicussion to the topic, which I could predict from your introduction.  
  
P/S Remember to write the topic before posting threads.
## modern city problems and opportunities

  
  
The large cities always tend to attract people from different areas looking for life-changing opportunities, and this trend have been causing citizens a lot of problems. In this essay, I would like to show some principal issue that people are facing daily and give my opinion about should they move to suburb.  
  
In most of hustle and bustle cities, people usually face various problems on the daily basic, and there are two of them I would present. Firstly, citizens have to cope with the rising of level of traffic jam. As a result, they have to move overtime on the short road and could easily have any traffic accidents which come from driving faster in order to be in time for work or school. Secondly, the overpopulation in large cities is extremely putting pressure to housing and works. In other words, low-skilled workers would be hardship to meet employment opportunities with high salary, and government also need solution to solve housing issue.  
  
I believe that government should have measures which work in short run to face such problem. For instance, to deal with traffic congestion, dweller should be encouraged to leave private vehicle and move faster to their destination by metro or rail services. This would be a better way because although people live in the outskirt, they continue to drive to downtown for work. In addition, city should be expanded to satisfy demand for accommodation. When there have a bigger city, there are more enterprises and residential area for all.  
  
In conclusion, modern city always appeal to people who are seeking for a well-paid job, but a large volume of population are causing many serious issue which need effective solution from government.
Hello everyone, I'm newbie. I'm practicing IELTS writing part 2, I'm so happy if you can give me some comments. Thank you so much!!  
  
## saving dying tongues

  
  
*Topic: As languages such as English, Spanish and Mandarin become more widely spoken, there is a fear that many minority languages may die out. Some countries have taken steps to protect minority languages*  
  
Essay:  
Many people predict that some minority languages are driven to the border of extinction because people often tend to learn common languages such as English, Spanish and Mandarin. This essay will give some solutions to this problem.  
  
The first approach is to improve studying condition for learners. Some people believe that there is still a group of people want to learn uncommon languages. However, it can be an impossible mission because they mostly cannot find a teacher and language materials are limited. For instance, one person wants to study Irish which is well-known as less popularity, he will find studying program and document. Nevertheless, there is not much useful information about this language. Therefore, he changes another language. That is reason why it is necessary to create a bigger environment learner to study.  
  
The second approach is to increase the benefit of learning minority. Nowadays, people usually choose popular languages because it gives them a chance to have a well-paid job. Therefore, when requiring more people speaking minority such as Irish or Tami, more people will learn these languages. For example, government will establish an international training for citizens who can speak Irish next year, it is patently obvious that there is a larger demand for learning this language.  
  
In conclusion, it is important to preserve the minority languages. Thereby studying conditional improvement and beneficial increasing, the number of endangered language will be lessened.  
  
(234 words)
Nguyen, actually, you will not get a very low score for this essay, you will automatically get a failing score for writing under the word count because points will be deducted for each word that is lacking from the maximum. When that is added to the other problems within the scoring brackets, you will not have enough point considerations left over to win you a passing score.  
  
Now, I am unable to decipher whether or not your discussion method is relevant to the prompt because of the missing prompt discussion instruction. Please remember to provide that the next time you post asking for a review. I cannot assess the true quality of your work based on the prompt and scoring requirements without it. As of now, I would like you to focus on increasing your word count to the proper number so that you can at least have a chance of getting a passing score. At the moment, it is useless to review your work because of the word count problem.
## It's mountain Jade

  
  
I would like to describe a beautiful place to visit in Taiwan. It's mountain Jade. Taiwan has more than 100 mountains over 3000 kilometers and the highest one is Mountain Jade, which has 3952 kilometers. It is located in the middle of Taiwan, Nantou.  
  
I visited there around 3 years ago. I took the train from Taipei to Nantou train station and stayed at Nantou city one night. The next day morning, I woke up at 7 to take the bus to the foot of the mountain at 10. Therefore, I started trekking for 5 hours to arrive at the mountainside. We had dinner and saw the thousands of stars in the sky. In addition, I was very lucky to see the galaxy and meteor shower at that night. On the third day, I woke up at 3 o'clock to achieve the peak and wait for sunrise.  
  
The reasons that I recommended this place are it is the highest mountain in Taiwan and has the complete facilities. Moreover, you can see varied vegetations along the mountain.
@yiyunm6 this is not a very good descriptive essay. All you did was instruct the reader regarding how to get to Mount Jade. You did not actually entice the reader to visit the place because there was nothing in your description that captured the imagination of the reader. Your descriptions were mostly flat and one dimensional. You need to learn to create more vivid descriptions of the place. Don't make the experience sound like yo just copied it out of a tourist guide book. Convince the reader that you were actually at that place. Talk about what you enjoyed doing there and why. What made this a personal experience for you? What does the visit create a memorable vacation spot that you would recommend to others? Don't just tell the reader how to get there. Don't just give a brief description of the place that sounds like it came out of Wikipedia. Engage the imagination of the reader. Beg him to transport his thoughts to the place as you describe it. Make him want to experience the place. Only then will your recommendation be useful and properly descriptive in presentation.
Dear @yiyunm6,  
  
In describing a place, we need to encourage readers to feel the same as ours. As a reader, I need to know how the detail I can see at Mountain Jade. Is there any mountains in the surrounding? Or what kind of trees or flowers I can see on the top of the mountain? How about the weather? Can I see a clear blue sky from there? and so many other questions that can help you describe the place in a better way.  
  
Good luck!
Hi, I want someone to mark my essay and give me feedback so that I can know what is my current level and how much I have to work to achieve my target: 6-6.5. Thank you.  
  
*Topic: Some universities offer online courses as an alternative to classes delivered on campus. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?*  
  
## the revolutionary education system

  
  
Online courses are becoming popular due to a huge amount of using the Internet. Many universities around the world also follow this trend so they now make lots of course available for people to study. In my opinion, this development brings benefits more than it's potential drawbacks.  
  
At the first point, this way of learning creates a convenient environment for self-studying. Distance now is not a matter because learners can access to the course's resources quickly by the Internet. Moreover, online courses are not strict about study hour so they create a flexible schedule which is the main advantage over traditional learning. For instance, learners sometimes are too busy with their real life works so picking online courses would be an efficient choice for their additional learning because of optional study time.  
  
On the other hand, the variety of categories of online courses allows people to learn anything which is suitable for their abilities. For example, Stanford university has uploaded all of their courses materials to a website so learners from any countries can experience well-quality courses from famous universities. In addition, it requires lower prices for enrolling an online course. Typically, the largest online learning system, Coursera, provides financial aid policy which is helpful for learners from poor conditional countries.  
  
Last but not least, learning through online platform not only helps people to enhance their skills but also gives them a good chance for their career path. For instance, name or certificate of top universities would be a strong point in CV when applying for job position.  
  
In conclusion, I strongly believe that online learning is revolutionary of modern education systems.
Dear @QuyenPham,  
  
I have a few advices to your essay. Hope it helps.  
  
I only get a 6.5 score in writing, and if I were you, I prefer to organize this kind of prompt by this way:  
  
Paragraph 1 : introduction (the debate on positive and negative side of online courses in public) + my opinion  
Paragraph 2 : body paragraph --> explain the argument that opposite with mine  
Paragraph 3 : body paragraph --> explain my opinion, strengthen with some examples  
Paragraph 4 : Conclusion  
  
With that organization, I think I am able to give a full construction of ideas that strengthen my standing point.  
In the last paragraph, you also have to build a solid conclusion that should be more than 2 sentences.  
  
Best of luck!
## the use of animals for scientific purposes

  
  
**"Nowadays animal experiments are widely used to develop new medicines and to test the safety of other products. Some people argue that these experiments should be banned because it is morally wrong to cause animals to suffer, while others are in favour of them because of their benefits to humanity.  
  
Discuss both views and give your own opinion."**  
  
In this day and age, animal experiment plays a pivotal role in the production of new medicines as well as their safety checking. While it is often stated that animal testing is morally wrong, I still lean towards a limited use of experimental animals for the sake of medical development.  
  
On the one hand, take innocent creatures like mice or rabbits as the subject of research violates their rights. Life of all beings should be equally respected and human cannot judge or decide which one need to sacrifice for those experiments. Instead of carrying out such ruthless things, scientist had better seek for alternatives method without detriment to alive animals. Examining newly dead specimens or using computation to test or check the effectiveness of new drugs might be more humanitarian.  
  
On the other hand, there are also supporters for the use of animal in medical purpose. Firstly, neither analyzing how lifeless bodies react to drugs nor evaluating through computers give out accurate result. In addition, experiments on animals is now implemented properly; therefore, not all of them suffer from death or serious diseases. Thanks to those being tested, new effective medicines are released and able to secure life of both human and other creatures. Moreover, if animals were exempted from being sacrificial victims, human would have no choice but devote themselves for experimentation, which might not be less cruel.  
  
To conclude, although there are ethical argument against animal testing, I maintain my original position that the use of these species for medical purpose at a limited level should be accepted as a life-saving method.  
  
Please check this essay for me following 4 criteria in IELTS WRITING. Thanks a lot !!!
@trangmuel your opening paraphrase lacks a reference to the discussion instruction. What you did was give your opinion at the very end, which is not the right place for it because the prompt paraphrase part, the first paragraph, only allows for a restatement of the original discussion. Your opinion should be in the reasoning paragraphs because you need to develop your explanation upon presentation of your opinion. With the 5 sentence maximum sentence per paragraph, you cannot do that in the prompt paraphrase. Each body paragraph should have only one topic for discussion development. That is not done in the first paragraph. The last sentence of your paragraph should be:  
  
*As there are two points of view to this issue, I would like to examine these factors and build my opinion of the topic.*  
  
The example I made above shows you how to properly restate the discussion instruction without using memorized phrases. Speaking of memorized phrases, that is a clear problem in your body of paragraphs.  
  
Your two reasoning paragraphs use the memorized phrases "One the one hand" and " On the other hand". Try to use clear topic sentences as the first line your new paragraph instead. That way you clearly indicate what the paragraph will discuss, giving the reader a better understanding of what you wish to say in the paragraph. I would have opened the paragraphs as follows:  
  
*Society admits that innocent creatures like mice and rabbits have what is called animal rights. That right is violated when experiments are performed on them... However, there are admitted medical advantages to experimenting on animals and rodents.  
  
One of these advantages is that animals and rodents are known to have similar structures to human beings... That is why it is easy to understand the need to experiment in animals.  
  
It is this need to medically test procedures for human use that leads me to believe that animal experimentation has benefits in terms of human health remedies...  
  
Therefore, while... life saving method.*  
  
Again, using non-memorized phrases and transition sentences have more LR and GRA scoring advantages for the writer. It is better to show off your English comprehension and vocabulary skills in a manner that shows a clear understanding of the language as opposed to lines that you memorized in a class or from books and online sources.  
  
I will not score you at the moment because this is your first post here. I always reserve the first post for correction advice which I hope to see applied in the second practice essay, which I will then score. This first essay is always used as an assessment of your skills and nothing more.
**In many countries today, parents are able to choose to send their children to single-sex schools or co-educational schools. Some people think that children going to single-sex schools have disadvantages later in life. To what extend do you agree or disagree.**  
  
## Gender differences in the classroom

  
  
Today for the time being this is an undeniable fact that schools is a marker status of modern society.  
We must acknowledge that single sex educational schools are not too much popular because have negative effects on children. For example, the result of quiz - "would you send your children to single sex schools?", by magazine Time in American society, is 22% said - yes, I would, while 26% said - maybe would however the rest of parents answered - no. in addition, graduates of such kind of schools are facing with difficulties in the future to adapt university or work life. As a result that is clearly seen that single-sex education are not welcoming by parent and has more cons.  
  
Despite of all this it should not be forgotten that the ways of perception of information is different for both genders. For instance, Michael Hardy, scientist of project called International Issues of Education, claims that boys are more interested in exact science while girls prefer humanitarian. More over temperature preference for both genders are different too, such as girls prefer warmer places whilst boys are better learning in cooler temperatures. As a consequence, that is apparent that single sex schools constructed related to preferences of genders.  
  
On the other hand, this schools give an opportunity to concentrate on lessons. Such as, based on the reviews of teacher of mixed schools, students after age of 13-14 begin to be distracted by opposite gender. Furthermore boys and girls have different preferences since boys interested in physical activities whereas girls prefer more interaction with peers. Consequently that is undeniable that single sex classes much better that mixed.
Fuad, why did you write a research paper for a Task 2 essay? This paper is supposed to be based on personal opinion and experience along with a public prospect whenever indicated. For this essay, the prompt clearly indicates a personal opinion presentation. This is a serious error that will get you a score of 1 because what you wrote is not in line with any of the prompt requirements.  
  
For this essay, the instruction indicated that you were to write your response in the form of an "extent" essay. That is why you were asked the question; "To what extent do you agree or disagree?" There was a statement given that you need to simply show a measurement of agreeing or disagreeing with. Measured responses include "I partially agree, I completely agree, I disagree to a small extent, I agree with reservations, etc." These are some of the variations of measured responses that you could have given for this essay. The problem is that you totally did not understand the prompt and therefore, could not respond in the proper manner.  
  
There was no need to do such complex research nor impressive citations. In the actual pen and paper test setting, you will not be able to do research online, which is why you are asked to use personal knowledge for the response regardless of task assignment.  
  
It is obvious that you do not have any background in Task 2 writing nor do you have a good understanding of how to respond to the given Task 2 requirements. For your sake, you must review the various task 2 essay samples at this forum so that you can get a better understanding of what each task asks the writer to respond to and how. You will not only learn how to respond to the task, but you will also pick up additional advice and information regarding task response writing improvements based on the errors of the previous exam takers. Please do read the samples before you proceed with another practice test in order to avoid getting another failing score with your practice essay.
*Hi everyone, I am a newbie here. I want to improve my writing skill for the IELTS test, therefore would love to hear from you who are experienced and possess an advanced level of English. For my below piece of writing, I hope to hear feedback on my word choice, how appropriate my examples are, grammar and vocabulary accuracy, coherence, cohesion and lexical resource.  
  
Thank you very much!*  
  
## how old must be a person to stop being a worker?

  
  
**Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably.  
To what extent to you agree or disagree?**  
  
With human beings' improved longevity, the age at which a general civil should stop working has remained a controversy. While some argue there is no need for any change to be implemented, I personally think it is crucial to raise the retiring age proportionately to how much longer a person can live nowadays.  
  
To begin with, raising the retiring age benefits the society as a whole. With individuals spending more of their lifetime working, more products and service could be produced. To be more specific, there will be more teachers staying at school to educate children, more workers to manufacture iPhones, more doctors in hospitals to save lives, and the list goes on. Additionally, the more time people devote to work, the less government has to pay for pension. For example, in Japan, government is concerned about the fast aging population, one of the reasons behind which is the elderly could become a great financial burden on their shoulders. Therefore, it is obvious to see working longer will not only bring more income but also reduce expenditure, in other words, boost a society's economy.  
  
The second reason why I support extending a person's working years is the implementation of it is also beneficial directly to individuals themselves. First, people would have more years to earn money and feed their families. They definitely could have pension when retiring but the amount of it is far behind from what flows into their pocket monthly as working salary. Second, the more years people work, the less years they have to suffer from depression. My father's case could offer an example. Ever since he stopped working, though having told himself about the possible psychological disorder and empty feeling it might come, he could not help collapsing and falling right into a severe depression. The illness has lasted for many years and has yet to stop presently despite signs that he is recovering. My father is not alone, there are a great number of cases where retiring individuals go through the same problem which affects not only themselves but also their families. This has lead me to the conclusion that we can reduce the years of enduring post-retirement psychological trauma by replacing them with years of working.  
  
All in all, with the pros that working longer presents to both society and people themselves, I am convinced that government should impose a new law regarding raising the retiring age now that human's longevity is greatly improved.