dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hi.  
I think the your counter argument doesn't relate to the question at all. You should express that the drawback of such mobility make the workers have to handle the business after work hours forcefully, instead of saying the electronic services' companies (I think the term is wrong) workers cannot leave their workplace.  
  
And in the supporting paragraph, I think you repeat the same concept too may times. This may let the reader think your argument isn't strong enough.  
  
Hope it helps!
*Inner city traffic congestion is still a serious problem in many cities. Much of this congestion is caused by there being simply too many cars on our roads. What could be done to encourage people not to use their cars?  
  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.*  
  
## solution for the traffic congestion problem

  
  
Development in automobile industries are very popular nowadays in many countries, this led to traffic congestion issue that impact the pollution and many other factors eventually. The bright side of this surveys is it is not alone in facing the problem, in other countries in the region are also facing the same predicament. There are several measures which could be taken to reduce the current trends.  
  
There are many measures to tackle the following and reduce the current impact. Firstly, more development public transport that possible long term implication are and measures that need to emphasize on this. In addition such as increase more frequency hours for public transport, shorten the waiting time, development more option lines. This actions has to be address quickly and decisively in order to reduce the impact of congestion on the road.  
  
Secondly, government should provides more discount and rebate while traveling on public transport. For example, minimum of 10% discount when travelling more than few kilometers per day. This helps to reduce the dependency on cars which to be improving gradually not remained prone declines. Furthermore, government should take responsibilities to encourage the people in sharing cars. This action should be discerning enough to tell between pros and corns and lead them to a better environment circumstances.  
  
Furthermore, advertisement also lead a majority influences to people which lead to a better communication ways in telling them regarding the problem. Normally, younger generation was likely the majority trend to be related to this issue. For example, the development in automobile which targets them in many attractive bonus when they purchase the vehicle that readily affordable for their personal gratification. This issue will increase the buying percentage in cars therefore causes congestion on the road where they didn't realize it. Therefore, certain actions have to be taken to this group and develop a new plans to address the commitments.  
  
In conclusion, every option has its advantages and disadvantages on it, we need to look at the future and study it in order for us to make the right decision that suits the current situation. However, for these changes does not lead to a negative ways if certain and measures are taken.
Lee, the overall score for this essay will be a 5. There are a number of considerations that led to that score. One of the major considerations is that your English grammar is so weak at this point, that the reader cannot easily understand what you are trying to say. Even after a few repeat readings, the reader can only try to guess at the meaning of your sentence or paragraph. Your sentences do not really carry a coherent theme and the chronological presentation of your information isn't really as solid as it could be in the presentation. I also had to score you down because of the inaccurate prompt paraphrasing. You included information in the opening statement that was not included in the original prompt. This resulted in your essay containing inaccurate information and thus, misinforms the reader to a certain extent. It is because of these mistakes that I feel your essay cannot score higher than a 5.
Hello,  
I like your statement since you provided lots examples supporting it, however, the pity point is that they lack the coherence. It is like you try to throw some terrific ideas to attract readers, but after this fascinating magic, readers had kind of confusion that what is the purpose at beginning.  
  
In other word, too many examples make your articles lose the focus. Besides, your conclusion doesn't correspond the argument itself, so it makes the reader confused more.  
  
Hope it helps!
*New technologies and ways of buying and selling are transforming the lives of consumers .  
to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?*  
  
## improvements in different spheres of our life

  
  
New technologies have developed dramatically in the recent years. It touched many people lives and impacted them in so many ways, one of the affected parts is buying and selling. It got a major scope of attention causing distinctive change in lives of consumers. In this essay I'll discuss ideas behind this revolution .  
  
Firstly, no one denies the fact that new advanced technology inventions made our lives easier regarding advertising and commerce, making us connected to all new inventions as well as allowing us to transport goods easier, people are now more familiar with global companies and can follow new fashions, new cars' options created, cameras and every new technology developed regardless how far they are. However, many people still complain that lots of countries are transparent to that transformation as internet, that made this evolution possible, is restricted in their regions, even some of them don't know what internet is. So here the division is present and such generalization can not be made.  
  
Secondly, part of this outbreak was due to social network involvement in which people can communicate and market their products easier and cheaper at the same time, sellers can now make a direct contact with the clients to take feedbacks, suggestions and complains in order to maximize the satisfaction of consumers leading eventually to development of business markets. Nowadays, many companies have evolved and grown using mainly social networks as a main marketing tool to their products.  
  
To sum up, we are now more connected than ever, this has created an atmosphere that promotes creativity in the business activities that helped in improving it in so many ways. I believe that we are witnessing now a new era of buying and selling technology that will upgrade the way the consumer shops sharply.
@jason\_alan  
Hello, I think you should write your essay with topic sentences. This type of essay requires you to choose one opinion, you agree or disagree, and you have to express to defend your side. You need to express your personal opinion " I totally disagree with this point of view'' or '' I completely agree ...'' in the introduction. Then, you write the reasons why you agree or disagree and support it throughout your essay.  
  
I, personally, think that you need to have at least 3 sentences for your conclusion.
Jason your essay will recieved a failing score of 3. That is due to your obvious misunderstanding of the prompt instructions. You are expected to merely agree or disagree with the given statement, justifying it to the reader based upon your personal experience or popular knowledge. Your essay changed the prompt instructions when you said that you would instead be discussing the history of the trend. . Review the instructions and compare it with what you wrote. You wrote an essay counter to the instructions given. One you make a mistaken in the prompt paraphrasing, you end up writing the wrong essay. So, you cannot be scored for the rest of the criteria since your work doesn't apply to the original instructions. You need to be careful when establishing the task accuracy representation. Make a mistaken there and you will immediately fail the test.
Hello,  
To be honest, I think your structure is good and I can understand what you want to express. However, you did not choose a side, which is the article requesting, without doing this, your following article are meaningless. This mistake can let you be evaluated as failed.  
  
My suggestion, if it is hard to choose a side for you, it fine to stay in the middle. You have to reveal the statement that you agree this argument, but in certain situation, you disagree. Then discuss the advantage and disadvantage in following paragraphs. That will be a completed essay.  
  
Hope it helps!!
**The graph below shows the population change between 1940 and 2000 in three different counties in the U.S. state of Oregon.**  
  
## inhabitants numbers of the oregon state

  
  
The provided line chart describes the number of people who live in three counties from 1940 to 2000. The measurement is in thousands. In general trend, the population in three regions witnessed an upward trend. Meanwhile, the favorite territorial to live in was in Washington.  
  
At the beginning of the year, the highest population was in Washington while Colombia and Yamhill had less mark figure around 30 thousands. Moreover, there were wide gap between people who stayed in Washington and both of the countries.  
  
By 1970 until the end of period, the increasing populations had continued and changed significantly in all features. The ratio of initial Washington figure had had three times higher than the end of figure. Furthermore, Yamhill and Colombia figures had increased considerably by the same amount by just over 5 thousand. Interestingly, population of the latter had had same amount with the initial population in Washington. Finally, Washington had still become the favorite place than the others.  
  
*
Hermin, in order to create a proper overview summary of the line graph you were provided, you need to make sure that you summarize the points for discussion in it. The first step, would be to inform the reader about the names of the 3 states that are involved in the study. The next, would be the type of chart you are being asked to discuss, and finally, the type of information that you will be presenting. Your paragraphs tend to fall under the 3 sentence minimum requirement. In this essay, your last paragraph is too long. It could have been better formatted if you used some of the information in that paragraph in the previous one. I noticed that you did not use any of the actual figures that were indicated in the line graph. You also did not mention all of the years as indicated in the illustration. These summary essays need to be very precise in the presentation of information. That means that you need to use all of the references, specially the numerical references if you are to properly inform the reader regarding the prompt requirements. So, considering these problems with your essay, I think that you can expect to score no more than a 4.
**Topic: The society would benefit from a ban on all forms of advertising because it serves no useful purpose, and even be damaging. Do you agree or disagree ?**  
  
## Advertising should be more controlled and limited

  
  
In today's world, there are different categories of advertising, which have become more and more prevalent. Some people believe that if all advertising forms prohibited, citizens will be benefited in many ways due to its usefulness. From my perspective, I totally agree with this point of view because of a variety of reasons.  
  
First of all, advertisements are time-consuming and popular, which makes people feel dissatisfied and disturbed. As all we know, there are numerous types of advertisements, ranging from adverts on TV channels and product placements to promotional campaigns. Undoubtedly, residents have to confront with them on a daily basis, which may cause people feel exhausted and annoyed. For instance, when viewers are focusing on watching a gorgeous film, every five minutes, products are brought by actors or actress as a symbol of advertisements such as Samsung smartphones. These product placements exist everywhere in the films, which may make viewers have a sense of dissatisfaction and their concentration may be interrupted instantly. Therefore, if the authority curbs advertisements, people will certainly feel relieved without worrying about the over-popularity of adverts.  
  
Another reason is product-images on advertisements are quite distinct from the conditions of real items. It is inevitable that producers have to afford a huge amount of money to pay for adverts. They, as a result, have to lower the quality of the real items to make higher profits. Many companies take advantage of the luxury of the promotions to boost the conditions of their products. Customers are easily deceived by eye-catching appearances of goods on advertisements even though the real items are unqualified. As a result of advertising appeal, consumers will totally trust producers and purchase their goods without concerning about its true colours. Consequently, residents may use low-quality products, which might be made of chemicals or preservatives. It is obvious that those promotional campaigns introduces people misleading information of products while people always want to buy something have positive influences on their health. Consequently, advertisements should be forbidden due to its damage.  
  
All in all, although all forms of advertising provides consumers general know-how about what they are pronch to buy, I personally think that those in control should limit them due to its detrimental impacts on people's life, including their emotions and their health.
Linh, a quick point of correction in the paraphrased opening statement. You contradicted yourself when you said that you agree that all forms of advertising need to be banned, but then state this should be done because of its usefulness. The term you should have used needed to be similar to the the original prompt which was "non-usefulness". Using the term "usefulness" contradicted the prompt statement. If you believe the ads are useful then you should have disagreed, not agreed with the statement given in the prompt. Your conclusion should not have tried to continue the discussion with new information either. A simple essay discussion summary restatement would have sufficed. The overall reasoning was good even though the grammar not as smooth as it should've been. Based upon this current work. Your score would probably be 4 due to the wrong paraphrasing but effective reasons that you provided and could have better developed.
**The graph below shows the population change between 1940 and 2000 in three different counties in the U.S state of Oregon.**  
  
## the population had rocketed significantly

  
  
The line chart displays the information about the alteration of Oregon's inhabitant number from 1940 to 2000 which is compared in three different counties. At the first glance, all features indicated an upward trend, while Washington became the most populous city.  
  
Intially, the most density area was seen in Washington, as such it placed by 75 thousands people in 1940 while the other two cities just stood at around 30 thousands. Following this, all features witnessed a gradual decrease until 1970. Interrestingly, Columbia and Yamhill has a similar pattern, therefore both of them stayed almost in same position, which is appoximately 45.000 society.  
  
By 2000, Washington's population had rocketed significantly up to two fold from the former. As a result, it reached a peak at this period. On the other side, Columbia and Yamhill went grow up about twice. Eventually, the final population rate of Columbia was equal with Washington in the first period.  
  
*
Sriwidayani, I am not sure if your tutor had told you this but, one of the scoring considerations in the task 1 essay is the accuracy with which you present and use the data supplied to you. You weren't able to really do that in this essay. Probably because you were not arrear of that rule. So in the overview, you should have indicated the names of the towns being compared along with the years of comparison. You can any just present selective information in the overview, you must represent the information to be presented in greater detail within the essay. The information presentation in the rest of the essay is acceptable but could have been more precise and analytical in presentation. Based on these observations, your essay would probably be scored wiring the 4-5 range, depending on other scoring considerations.
**The graph below shows the population change between 1940 and 2000in three different counties in the U.S state Oregon.**  
  
## Oregon Population During Different Periods

  
  
The line chart exhibits the information about the number of population in three parts of Oregon which showed every 30 years starting from 1940 to 2000. At the first glance, Washington is the most crowded county whose population increase sharply during a 60-year period. However, the less favorite part for living in Oregon was Colombia.  
  
At the beginning of year, the Oregon preferred to live in Washington. Its population was twice as much as Colombia and Yamhill. This trend was continuing during the period and the gap between Washington and Yamhill became bigger and bigger. It is because the Washington population was rocket sharply.  
  
A more detail looked to the chart reveals that Colombia and Yamhill have under a third of Oregon population. They increased slowly to almost 90 thousand, but Yamhill slightly above Colombia. Furthermore, in 1940-to-1970 period, Colombia and Yamhill witnessed slower increase then 1970-to-2000 period. And it can be seen that Yamhill more favorite to stay than Colombia.  
  
*
Hi,  
  
A few changes you can make are:  
At a first glance, Washington is the most crowded county whose population increased sharply during a 60-year period.  
The less favorable region of living was Colombia.  
  
Due to the sharp increase of population in Washington, there was a continuously widening gap between Washington and Yamhill.  
  
Other than that it looks great!  
  
Please give feedback to my essays as well thanks!
Agus, you cannot score higher than a 4 with this essay because of a number of reasons. The first, is that the essay does not accurately use the information in the graph that you were provided. When you write a summary essay, specially one based on factual data, you must always use the numbers provided. That means, the year, the values, and any other comparison data that you analyzed in the chart. Without these information, the essay, such as the one that you wrote does not inform the reader of anything important. It becomes almost hearsay in approach and makes the words that you write worthless. If it cannot educate the reader, then the essay is not useful to them. This essay is meant to inform, you work did not do that. Also, please familiarize yourself with the states / provinces of the United States. Oregon and Washington are locations of the states, therefore the location of Oregon cannot move to the location of Washington. However, the people who reside in these states can move from one state to another. Next time, explain that the people from Oregon are the ones moving to Washington. Not Oregon moving to Washington. That will never happen.
***The three pie charts below show the changes in annual spending by local authorities in Someland in 1980, 1990 and 2000***  
  
## spendings fluctuation

  
  
The provided charts illustrate about the comparison of local government expenditure in each category in Someland. The measurement is percentage. In general trend, there were categories which experienced fluctuation of annual spending. Meanwhile, feature which dominated was higher education. According to the data, there were majority proportion and minority proportion which will be explained in this following essay.  
  
To begin, there were majority data such as higher education, transportation and K-12 education in three decades. Higher education witnessed a fluctuation over a three-decade. Meanwhile, K-12 education decreased slowly by 7 percent in 3 periods. However, government spending in transportation also fluctuated.  
  
On the other hand, there were also minority figure from each feature because the percentage was below 20 percent such as environmental services, health and human resources and other. A more detail, look at the graph reveals that the proportion of health and human resources in annual spending fluctuated. Then, the proportion of environmental services in annual outgoings continuous and steady rose. Last feature, other, fell steeply in three decades.  
  
*
***Hi Tam**i, I have read your writing closely. Following this, I found a few things you have to fix for finalizing this writing task 1.  
Firstly, there were some unclear sentences. Your job in the writing is to communicate so that you don't make reviewers confused to understand your writing. You said that the figure dominated. What did the figure dominate? That is a vague information. Besides, the last sentence of the first paragraph seemed like layman's sentence. It is meaningless, so that can not give useful information for readers.  
  
Turning to the body paragraph, keep in your mind that you have to mention the detailed information there. Well, exactly we do not need to deliver all figures, only the interesting data. However, when you order that data, you are supposed to include the percentage. You cannot say that the figure experienced the fluctuation because you entered in the body paragraph. I suggest you read more examples of writing task 1 and review them to get the sense of the writing task 1. Your score is gonna fall down especially the task achievement because you did not display the proper data. Please, pay attention to this matter. Lastly, you are used to being aware of use of articles. It is a minor error, but that can reduce your score if that occurs many times.  
  
Hopefully, those can help you. The key to master this section is practicing more and more.  
Happy writing  
^\_^*
*It is generally believed that the internet is an excellent means of communication, but some people suggest that it may not be the best place to find information.*  
  
## Internet and Web Security

  
  
There is no doubt that today Internet is the need of every individual. Some people believed that the internet is an eminent source of communication while the other argues that it is not the best place to find information. In my opinion, the Internet is the boon for the society if used in an efficient manner. I will discuss both views in my essay.  
  
On the one hand, people who believe that the Internet is not the place where one can get facts and figures might argue that there are lots of web scam happening these days. This is because there are websites which look like genuine, however, in actual they have been operated by hackers to hack the computers and try to steal some information from our computer. For instance, one newspaper gave an evidence that each day, at least 10% population around the world gets hacked on the network. The vulnerability of computers can be suppressed if one should aware about the security of our computer. As a result, the Internet will be the safest place to surf and find the information.  
  
On the other hand, in my view if internet is used in an efficient manner, there is hardly anything which it cannot answer. The reason for this is in the contemporary world for students it is the primary source of information as they get the answer of any question on it. For example, in a recent survey, it is observed that the numbers of students taking tuitions are subsequently decreased and they have started learning through the Internet. As a consequence of this, they are able to more deep thrive the topics they study. Therefore, it depends on the individuals that how they take advantage of the network source available to them.  
  
In conclusion, despite the danger of web security which Internet can create, this is my firm belief that if used in the befitting manner it can be a real asset for the society.