dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Earth's Water contamination

  
  
It is a universal consensus that water, which is a vital part of our existence, is contaminated in some parts of our planet. Long-term polluting has its own negative impact on the environment.  
  
Probably there are many most noteworthy factors which damage marine habitat are relevant to humans' ignorance. Firstly, it is the spills or leaks from oil and chemical containers, and it leads to result in that the marine life is damaged and the ocean water is contaminated. Moreover, people tend to waste plastic goods in the seas, rivers, ocean or bury microplastics rubbish. They will lead to polluting sea, river, or even groundwater geyser. Besides, the sewages from industrial zones or run-off containing fertilizers and pesticides from farming areas into river water also contributes to water pollution. Also, rising temperatures due to global warming are a major concern in terms of water pollution. Global warming causes water temperatures to rise, which can kill aquatic animals. When big amounts of dead water occur, it is going to contaminate water sources, exacerbating the problem.  
  
Because of many negative effects to water resources if long-period pollution. We should have many achievable solutions. First of all, we should put the waste in the bin and sort garbage. Besides, we can recycle the garbage if we can. For instance, after using plastic bottles, we can cut and design them into pots, or pen and pencil holders. Furthermore, we should use many eco-friendly goods instead of many items which are unable to recycle or reuse as plastic, takeaway coffee cups, disposable nappies. Moreover, we can educate people to raise awareness in garbage handling and sorting through forms such as launching a painting competition and recycling trash contests. In addition, we should also report to the authorities if any industrial plants release untreated wastewater into the environment.  
  
In conclusion, contamination of water is the biggest issue that happens in some countries all over the world. And our duty is operating many preventative projects to reduce contamination.
Long-term polluting has its own negative impact on the environment.  
This is not a direct response to the reason and solution question presented. A lack of discussion topic outline in relation to the qquestions was necessary to show the writer's clear opinion and discussion process within the next 2 paragraphs.  
  
Probably  
Avoid words of uncertainty. Ensure that all words used contain an air of understanding, expertise, and clarity. Remember that such words reduce the clarity of opinion upon which certain scores are based.  
  
The reasoning discussion is so busy presenting reasons that the writer forgot to develop cohesive discussion points. The paragraph lacks clear idea development due to the wrong discussion focus.  
  
Because of many negative effects to water resources if long-period pollution.  
What is the point of this sentence? There is no logical thought present.  
  
Because  
And  
connecting words cannot be used to start a sentence. Remember that these are used to create a budge between 2 ideas in one sentence.
## ielts1 - changes in the layout of the ground floor

  
  
The two pictures illustrate how the layout of the ground floor in this house will be changed.  
  
Overall it can be seen that the ground floor undergoes a dramatic transformation with significant changes in interior construction.  
  
According to the existing floor layout, there are two internal doors in the top middle of this floor plan. However, two of them will be replaced by the bigger stair and will be moved to the bottom middle of this floor. Moreover, there will be no space for storage under stairs in future changes. Besides, the proposed kitchen will be set up with some kitchen furniture that does not exist in the current layout. One more major transformation is the internal wall. Two walls will be demolished to expand the size of the living room in the future.  
  
However, the layout of the two entrance doors is still remained unchanged in the proposed ground floor plan.  
  
*
The word presentation, though passing in minimum consideration, does not allow for a maximum scoring consideration. If the writer aims to write 175-200 words, his writing will be considered well-developed and more analyzed. Limiting the written words also places an early cap on the sectional scores. Do not overwrite, but do not write too little either. Just meeting the word requirement does not boost the possible score. Use a middle word count to achieve a better score.  
  
There should be 3 paragraphs of at least 3 sentences each. The discussion is not balanced. The analysis should have more depth. Something like:  
  
Paragraph 2: Analyze the original image  
Paragraph 3: Compare the changes or unchanged portions within the images.
***Some people think the best way to solve global environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree

  
  
Society has witnessed environmental degradation in recent years, and finding a way to protect our nature is being considered as a top priority across the globe. Among solutions put forth, it is argued that increasing the price of fuel is the optimal one. While I agree that this is a feasible measure to deal with the above-mentioned phenomenon, it should be combined with other methods to maximize the effectiveness.  
  
It is undeniable that raising fuel cost is beneficial to the environment to a certain extent in my opinion. With higher costs charged for petrol or oil, travelling by private vehicles might be discouraged, because commuters are now thinking more about their monthly expenditure when commuting with such automobiles and motorcycles. On that account, public transports might be considered as a substitute and are more likely to be chosen. With higher capacity, if public transport are packed with passengers, the amount of vehicles exhaust fumes released to the air could be significantly reduced and the air pollution might be mitigated, as a result.  
  
However, I believe that increasing the fuel price solely is not optimal and long lasting, unless it is taken with other measures simultaneously. Besides encouraging public transport, another measure that might also efficiently deploy the capacity of vehicles is promoting car-sharing programs, which could play a pivotal role in reducing the exhaust emissions as well. In addition, a limitation of carbon footprint per capita might be issued, so that global warming could be slowed down. Finally, the public's awareness towards environmental importance and responsibility should be raised. With a deeper understanding about our world, people's behaviors might be done with a higher respect for ecological criteria.  
  
In conclusion, through diminishing vehicles exhaust fumes, a higher cost for fuel might obviously exert a positive impact on the global environment. Nevertheless, this solution, from my perspective, should be implemented together with other methods to elevate the effectiveness.  
  
*I hope that you could give feedback and score for me. I really appreciate for your help. Thank you.*
The prompt restatement should never be over discussed. The topic presentation should not alter the original presentation by digressing from the original subject as presented. Reword it but do not add information not included in the first version. As for the opinion, "While I agree" is not the correct response format. A more acceptable response frame is " I agree with the statement to the extent that... " Such a response gives an advanced and more analytical opinion as it allows for a thesis based extent representation.  
  
[~~quote=nartarus2000]to a certain extent in my opinion[/quote]~~  
This is a highly confusing statement that does not add meaning to the paragraph. It is a repetition of the last sentence in the first paragraph.  
  
The essay is over. discussed without truly presenting a coherent explanation. Practice thought clarity within a maximum of 5 sentences per paragraph.  
  
\* Contact me privately for scoring services.
## IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - THE LINE GRAPH

  
  
**Task:** You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.  
  
The graph below shows the number of university graduates in Canada from 1992 to 2007.  
  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.  
  
You should write at least 150 words.  
  
**Answer:**  
  
The graph illustrates the number of students in both genders who graduated in Canada between 1992 and 2007. It is obvious that the statistics of university graduates have an upward trend in that period.  
  
Overall, it is clearly shown in the graph that the number of female graduates is dominated the number of male graduates. However, both female and male students who completed their course to get the degree at university is increased every year.  
  
Started in 1992, there are nearly 100,000 female students that became alumni of the university, while the number of male students who finish their study at university accounts for approximately 70,000 people.  
  
After that, it can be seen that the number of graduates from university increased rapidly year by year. Although the trend dropped slightly from 1996 to 2000, it goes back to its previous trend in the next following years. The number of female graduates reach its peak at about 150,000 students in 2006, meanwhile the number of male is less than female around 50,000 people.  
  
Please give me some advice for improvement in this writing. Many thank!  
  
*
The graph illustrates the number  
Identify the type of graph and numerical reference for the student count. What was said or implied in the orginal must be expanded upon in a clear manner within the overview. That is because of the TA scoring considerations for this task.  
  
is  
All data is from previously collated information. Use the proper past tense reference (Was). Trenal usage is a problem throughout the presentation.  
  
The paragraphs are mostly not properly formatted. Aside from the final paragraph, the early presentations do not meet the required 3-5 sentence presentation template. The long 2 sentence presentations are run- on in format. These lower the GRA score as the long sentences do not create a proper simple and complex sentence paragraph. Please learn to properly divide the thought presentations based on proper analytical considerations to avoid the same errors going forward.  
  
Sentence clarity is an issue in this presentation the sentence structures are weak due to improper time references and word usage. Improvements in these areas will help improve the scores in specific areas as well.
"It is obvious that the statistics ..." This sentence should be placed in the overview paragraph instead of the introduction one.  
  
In my opinion, the comparison between male and female graduates are still insufficient and unclear. You should make a more detail and clear comparison between the number of males and females graduating during the given period, instead of trying to demonstrate the increase of the total number of graduates. By this way, the relevance between them could be highlighted, which, in my viewpoint, could boost your TA score. In addition to that, each line should also be depicted more specifically so that the viewer might understand how the number of graduates from each gender change over time, particularly in the period between 1992 and 2000.
**TOPIC:  
*Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity.*  
## Discuss both views and give your own opinion.**  
  
People often have different views about whether dangerous sports such as hang gliding and car racing should be prohibited. Although there are good arguments in favor of this ban, I personally believe that it is better to give participants the right to follow the sports they want, as long as they are well-trained and fully aware of the safety guidelines.  
  
On the one hand, banning dangerous sports might be reasonable given the safety of the participants and other people. Firstly, it can prevent possible injuries for the players, who might easily get hurt if they neglect the coach's guidance or when the equipment malfunctions. Besides that, making extreme sports illegal can minimize unnecessary casualties, not only for the player but also for the spectators who happen to be near the site. The fact that extreme sports might be dangerous and cost people's lives explains why many people urge the government to take drastic actions.  
  
On the other hand, I am convinced that that extreme sports should not be forbidden. First, people deserve to have the right and freedom to pursue whatever sports they want to. We are living in a democratic era where individual's interests should be respected as long as these choices are not against the law. Therefore, it would be improbable for the authority to ban dangerous sports - a leisure activity shared and enjoyed by many people. Second, the so-called notion of "dangerous sports" is actually not as dangerous and risky as people often assume. Participants usually have to go through some training beforehand to ensure that they know how to do the sports properly and safely, which can minimize accidents caused by participants' carelessness or negligence.  
  
For the reasons above, it seems to me that although there exist some safety-related concerns towards extreme sports, they should be made optional for people.
The first paragraph does not provide a restatement + opinion. Rather, the writer entered into a direct discussion in what should have been a mere paraphrasing paragraph. It does not accomplish the following:  
  
- Present an accurate representation of the orginal topic  
- Refer to the 2 public opinions individually  
- Create a comprehensive thesis opinion  
  
This misrepresentation is enough to make the test - taker fail the first half of the test, leading to an insurmountable low over all score. Please provide an accurate version of the orginal instead. When discussing the public opinions, present your point of view for each. Indicate why you do not support or, why you support the public opinion. That would be the most score efficient way to discuss the topic.
## IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - UNDERGROUND STATION PASSENGER NUMBERS IN LONDON

  
  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.  
You should write at least 150 words.  
  
This graph illustrates the amount of people take train at London Underground Station in a day for sixteen hours (6 am - 10 pm).  
  
Overall, people generally take train at the station starts from 6 am until 10 pm. The train has the most amount of passengers at 8 and 18 o'clock. The number of passengers reaches its lowest point at 6 am and 4 pm.  
  
At 8 o'clock, the amount of passengers is exactly 400. Following to 18 o'clock, there is a slight decrease in the number of passengers which is just under 400. Meanwhile, in the afternoon at 12 am, 13 pm and 14 pm, the number of passengers does not change much and increases slightly (from above 250 people to 300 people)  
  
At 6 am and 4 pm, people are less likely taking train to go to places. There are just 100 passengers at those two hours. After reaches its lowest point, the number of passengers gradually increases in the two hours (200 people and at/less than 400 people)  
  
*
The writer is trying to over extend the analysis into a 4 paragraph presentation when the provided image is good only for 3 paragraphs. The essay, due to the forced lengthening is leaning more towards under- analysis since there are only 2 sentences per paragraph rather than the better analyzed 3-5 sentence presentation. A 4 paragraph presentation works best when more than 2 images are analyzed and reported on.  
  
There is an overuse of parenthesis in the presentation. Using it once in a presentation is enough. Try to use other punctuation macks and be more analytical in the data presentation instead. Compare and contrast the data for maximum effect.
## long-lasting products vs low-cost items

  
  
The question of whether items ought to be produced with a long-term utilization or have an affordable price has been a matter of debate since the beginning of the twenty-first century. While there are some benefits of economical products, I would agree that it is better to possess a high-quality long-lasting products.  
  
Populous believe the advantages of long-term stocks are significantly greater than their disadvantages. The main reason is that good products may be used for a long time and the customer can receive returns from their extended use. It may also be said that the upkeep for such reliable things is comparably much less. Moreover, a remarkable illustration is that many people have higher quality furnishings so they don't have to modify the things. Consequently, superb items are always quite pricey.  
  
On the other hand, others think economic products are far superior, because everyone can purchase them. A large proportion of people live in impoverishment and cannot afford to purchase costly things. Additionally, it is commonly stated that an enormous proportion of the money we spend is spent to cover publicity, advertising and brand value rather than quality. People are of the idea because many people have felt the bitterness of advertising and marketing strategy. For instance, the toys shipped from China, the same manufacturer produces identical toys for many firms and the company charges significantly higher compared to others, with a large brand name.  
  
In conclusion, I think both arguments are valid. However, I believe that long-lasting commodities have an advantage over low-cost items because long-lasting products may be used for a long time without requiring further maintenance.
The prompt restatement fails to provide the previously stated reasons for each public opinion prior to the personal opinion. The restatement is inaccurate. The idea presentation for each is incomplete and without basis.  
  
Populous  
Incorrectly used word reference. While it is an advanced word,the writer does not realize it does not accurately refer to people within the meaning of the sentence. Words must be used to refer to the correct sentence meaning.  
  
I think both arguments are valid  
This is a personal opinion that should be developed in a single paragraph. This cannot be introduced in the conclusion as new topics cannot be introduced in this section. While the phrase "In conclusion" was used, there was no real conclusion presented. Mere use of the please, without presenting the appropriate information does not create a conclusion.
## Many teenagers these days prefer socialising online to meeting one another in person

  
  
In contemporary time, researchers have found that lots of teenagers in the modern world would rather socialize online than communicate in person. This issue creates tons of consequences for youngster all over the world. However, any difficult problems always have solutions if we make enough efforts. This issue will be discussed in this essay along with some possible solutions that may be implemented to cope with the problem.  
  
The first serious consequence caused by communicating through Internet is to ruin your eyes. In modern days, most of the youth, especially ones coming from developed countries are digital natives, so for that logic, theirs eyes were affected harmfully since they were little. There are so many evidences to prove this problem. For example, it is easy to see that nearly 90% students in every primary school in Vietnam have to wear glasses, due to the fact that their focal length is much shorter than normal ones. The next obstacle is the high rate in autistic adolescent due to not meeting people in person. The reason being that youngster wasting their time on chatting with friends on social media such as Facebook, Instagram, etc. , so for this reason, they just have a small round of friends and do not know how to express their ideas in real life. For instance, in recent days, there is numerous newspaper writing about using Internet too much make people become crazy and autistic.  
  
However, fortunately, we can solve this issue by making enough efforts. Parents should not allow their children using smart phones when they are too young, or cut off the amount of time for children to socializing through Internet. Besides that, it is better if schools organize outdoor activities for their students. Moreover, government need to heavily taxes on game company for the purpose of reducing the introduce of new games.  
  
In conclusion, there is big trouble facing people all over the world by virtue of socializing online. Nevertheless, it is absolutely possible to iron out this issue.
In contemporary tim  
in the modern world  
Repetitive word meaning. Both refer to the 21st century. Use one reference only. There is no need to say it twice.  
  
tons  
Non-academic word choice. Use formal academic words only.  
  
youngster all over the world  
Plural form of youngster should be used since "all over the world" is a plural phrase.  
  
any difficult problems always have solutions  
The question was" what are the reasons for this ?" The writer did not respond to the question.  
  
some possible solutions  
Again, this is not the correct response to the query" how can they be encouraged to meet in person?"  
  
\* The writer failed to create a proper thesis statement both times.  
  
people  
Not people. Just the youth. Do not change the topic focus.  
  
iron out this issue  
What issue ?  
  
Parents should not allow  
This does not explain how teenagers can be encouraged tomeet in puson than online.  
  
The summary conclusion does not properly recap the previous discussion points. The essay has failed to address the task properly.
Without putting people's health and well-being at the centre of public policy, we won't be able to realize our healthy future. A person's economic prospects are harmed by poor health throughout their life. Poor health impairs the potential of early babies and children to build human capital; ill-health affects the quality of life and labour market results of adults, and disadvantage accumulates over time. Many of the circumstances necessary for transformation are in place. There is abundant evidence, for example, that investment in public health and primary prevention pays off in terms of both health and economic returns. Similarly, digital technology has made various services and goods across many industries secure, quick, and seamless.
This is not an acceptable statement response. Consider the focus of the prompt which is building a health care system then compare it to the paragraph and one will only find a long. winded and relevant introduction to the topic. Where is the reference to the question? Where is the thesis sentence? What Wewant topics are to be presented? none of the expected preliminary presentations are there. This is a half-baked draft. The writer has not considered the given topic for discussions. Rather, reasons to develop a healthcare system were provided ) which is a totally different discussion topic. As the statement is off the mark, this representation is not an accurate response or instructional outline.