dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The prompt restatement has become partially inaccurate due to the inclusion of information that is not mentioned in the original presentation. Rather than presenting an accurate restatement of only 2- 3 sentences, the writer created a partially deviant rephrasing with a missing reasoning statement. The writer failed to establish his discussion grounds to provide the clear extent of his partial opinion in a summarized form as needed for this discussion.This opening paragraph will not receive full marks credit due to these reasons.  
  
Both explanations lack full development. There are no examples provided in each instance to convince the reader to consider the points presented. Each reason could use better cohesive devices to better connect the sentence thoughts and paragraph relationships.  
  
Vocabulary misuse is also evident in the writing. A person cannot be renovated and restored. He can be rehabilitated though. Expect IR deductions due to the lack of proper vocabulary usage leading to GRA deductions caused by a lack of proper sentence structuring. Both of which will also reduce the C + C score as the reference lacks clarity and confuses the reader in relation to thought meaning.  
  
The concluding summary does not fulfill the scoring requirements of the reverse paraphrase either. It does not recap the reasons for the writer's given opinion. An important scoring element in this case it does not contain the menemum 40 word requirement either.  
  
Overall, the writer shows evidence of writing ability and comprehension skills but requires development and correction in the aforementioned areas. This essay is a slight improvement over the first attempt that I reviewed.
***It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.  
  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

  
What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?***  
  
Educational tactics play a pivotal role in forming a civilized world, hence orientating children to the right is indispensible. While an army of people believe that punishment could teach children to discriminate between right and wrong effectively, this essay will partly disagree with this opinion before outlining thư appropriate penalty.  
  
On the one hand, it is reasonable that punishment is more discouraging to a certain degree. First, the kids could suffer from obsession prompted by harsh retributions. In fact, the adults may abuse the children acting naughtily, which in turn could leave them highly susceptible to a wide range of both mental and physical conditions, such as depression or injuries on body. Another problem is unsuitable penalties could trigger mistaken actions. Undoubtedly, the youth is rather rebellious and sensitive in some contexts, thus if parents' incorrect handling, typically excessively take control on their child, constantly occurs, this might not only make the youngster desire to wrongdoings but also have an enormous influence on their manners, which is the root of one's personality.  
  
On the other hand, moderate-level punishment without insulting and violation should be taken into consideration to educate the boys and girls to be well-behaved. One efficacious punishment is not giving the misbehave what they are craving for. Particularly, if a young individual behaves in the wrong way, parents should explain how discourteous this action is for them or stop accommodating them their favorite objects or wishes such as purchasing toys, taking them to the theme park with the view to admonishing . Consequently, they might notice the adverse repercussion and then make a herculean effort not to be at fault again.  
  
To conclude, severe retribution could be more disadvantaged to some extent attributed to triggering excruciating feelings on the kids' bodies and memory, therefore mild punishment is recommended as a viable approach to differentiate right and wrong.
The writer has several errors in this essay that need to be addressed. He has tried his best to present an educated and logical discussion regarding the topic but, he has not adhered to the formatting requirements for the response. Without proper addressing of the questions, the logic of his essay will not meet the task accuracy requirements.  
  
A task 2 essay first paragraph is composed of the prompt restatement and personal opinion. That means, the paragraph should be composed of 3-5 sentences that present the writer's understanding of the topic. A basic representation of the discussion is required, but not a personal opinion at the start. The paraphrase should not indicate the writer's opinion in the first sentence. This must be properly blended into his opinion sentence via the correct reasoning thesis. When the writer presents an opinion at the start, he automatically circumvents the original topic foundation, leading to a prompt restatement inaccuracy and lower paragraph score.  
  
The writer's statement should not merely repeat the instructions and questions provided. Instead, he is expected to represent the full discussion paragraph presentations through a shortened or summarized opinion + thesis statement. The clarity of his opinion and the reasoning behind it will be scored in this section. Therefore, restating the instructions will mean he will not receive any points for that part of the paragraph. An opinion response without a direct question resonponse = Partial score for the writer's opinion.  
  
The phrases "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" are used only when discussing comparisons of the same topic, based on 2 different points of view. Since the writer is responding to 2 different questions in each paragraph, the phrases cannot be used as a cohesive tool. The essay is faulty when it comes to cohesive paragraph presentation because of this error.
## The map shows the changes in a museum between 1998 and 2008.

  
Overall, it can be seen that there are more recreational options for visiters and the garden has been used for some another purposes.  
In the center of the museum has a few changes, a part of the garden is served as siting area for the coffee shop nearby and there are some fountains are planted. To the north of the green area , the cafe is reduced in size and a toilet are built next to it. To the west, most rooms are used as permanent exhibition rooms. A new restaurant is located on the east-north edge of the museum. The shop and bags and clothing stalls are being built on the other side of the tickets entrance which still remains unchanged. The temporary display room now is more bigger and relocated to the east of the garden.  
  
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This sort of presentation is the type that would automatically get a failing score. The failure of the essay shall be based on specific reasons:  
  
1. Lack of word count (138/150). The minimum word requirement or more must be met at all times.  
2. Incorrect paragraph formatting. The essay did not present a summary overview. It went directly to the trending sentence. The minimum 3 paragraph summary + analysis paragraphs format are not present in the report.  
  
The writer made the most minimal of efforts to analyze the image. It was a half-hearted attempt at completing the task. Even if the student is self-studying, he surely has made efforts to review the sample presentations online. He should at least be familiar with the most basic of the task 1 presentation formats basedon the freely available samples online.
## how plastic bottles are recycled

  
  
The diagram illustrates the procedure for recycling of plastic bottles. Overall, it consists of 9 major steps, starting with throwing of plastic bottles in dustbins and finishes with converting them into various daily use products.  
  
When we throw plastic bottles and other things into dustbin, it is collected by a garbage truck. These trucks collect trash of all over the places and move them to recycling Centre. Here in the center garbage is sorted and plastic waste is separated. This plastic waste is converted into compression blocks, which makes further work easier.  
  
These blocks are crushed by passing them into the crushing machine and are washed. After this they are put into the machine, where they are turned into plastic pellets. In subsequent step pellets are exposed to heat in order to form raw material. Once the raw material is created it can be further use for development of other products. In the final step this raw material from plastic bottles can be used to make various products like clothes, bags, stationary even bottles and food containers.  
  
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There are 9 steps indicated. There is only 1 major step involved. There is an error in the trending analysis of the writer. The major step is always the halfway mark between the initial step and final product. Review the image again. This is a 3 sentence summary paragraph.  
  
Personal pronouns are unacceptable in a Task 1 essay, This is a general report on a procedure. Objectivity dictates that a personal or group point of view cannot be indicated due to bias concerns. Always use general references and do not include any personal opinion or insight in the presentation.  
  
In subsequent step  
The plural form of step must be used because there are several procedures indicated in the paragraph. Be aware of proper sentence stucturing and word references.
## Allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters

  
  
Please help me with my essay from writing task 2  
Thank you so much  
  
**Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes, and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them.  
  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.**  
  
*Answer:*  
There is an argument that youngsters should have their own decisions in daily life matters (such as food, clothes, and entertainment), which make them selfish, while others think that is essential for one's growth. In my point of view, children should have their own decisions with guidance from the elder people.  
  
On one hand, making their own choices will encourage them to be more responsible. This makes them understand the consequence of their own decisions, which makes children dignify their wishes more important than others. That may make them think they are the best. For example, when they are working in a group, children often think their view is the best solution for any situation without consideration. But that could be changed, especially when they have trouble and get some advice from the others for a routine.  
  
On the other side, decisions play a crucial role in children's lives, which help adolescents stand up from their failures and give them the knowledge to deal with their issues in some situations. There is a small percentage of youngsters who won't have any trouble in their life. For example, a child who has a better condition than others can have a better position or even finance in daily life. But other adolescents who don't have that chance push them to deal with their problems through their own experiences which they have learned from their failures many times. Take finance as an example, this makes youngsters have to consider or plan to use their own money logically.  
  
In conclusion, although there are some disadvantages, I believe that the advantages bring better benefits than its drawback. This may help adolescents adapt to any problems in the future.  
  
Word count: 283
There can be no aspect of the paraphrasing that is used in a cut and paste manner. The writer must state everything in his own words or risk score reduction based on a partial cut and paste reference. Word alternatives play an important role in the TA and LR scoring considerations. By not changing the parenthetical reference, the writer incurred point deductions in the paragraph presentation. The stated personal opinion is good and strong. but lacks the 2 supporting reasons sentence /s. These are the reasons why awarding of full points will not be possible in this section.  
  
The discussion paragraphs only represent the writer's opinion for both topics. This is an improper approach as it does not properly use the comparative analytical discussion format. The writer must first state the basis for the acceptability of the public opinion via group pronouns,before comparing these to his personal dialagreement with the said point of view. This essay will receive nminimal scoring due to the underdeveloped discussion.  
  
The public perception was not properly represented so scoring will only be applied to the personal opinion, leading to a 1 out of 3 scoring consideration. Discussing the reasons behind the public opinion creates the basis of the personal opinion. Correct pronoun usage is needed.
**Topic:**  
***Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool.  
Others, however, believe that video games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them.***  
## In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

  
  
Essay:  
  
In recent times, the playing video games considered to bring harmless joy and a utile education tool. Meanwhile, many people assert that video games bring negative effects on players. This presents both pros and cons, however, in my opinion, its drawbacks are much more significant than the benefits.  
  
Firstly, one reason why playing games is advantageous is that can help to reduce stress after the rest of hardworking or study time. For example, the players can enjoy the stories, music throughout the game, or even chat with their friends. This not only help gamers forgets the work pressure but also improve player's mood, promote relaxation and ward off anxiety. Furthermore, one further justification which should not be ignored here is that this activity could be used in education as a useful training method. This means that these games encourage imagination and creativity, as well as concentration, logical thinking, and problem solving, all of which are useful skills in real life.  
  
However, I would argue that these drawbacks are outweighed by the benefits. It is important to remember that gamers are extremely competitive. In other words, the users usually want themselves to constantly get higher score, new targets, and frequent rewards to keep them playing. Many children now spend hours each day trying to win their friends or reach the best of high score table. As a result of getting lost for hours in a game, the gamers start to get not enough sleep, lack exercise, or lack time for real life relationships.  
  
In conclusion, although video games exerts some adverse aspects, the disadvantages can justify these. In my point of view, playing games gain the potential dangers more than the possible benefits.  
  
---  
Please give me feedbacks and corrections on my essay, thank you.
While "utile" is a middle school level word, it is not an everyday English word that can be used to define "useful". I realize that the student has chosen to use an uncommon word in the hopes of impressing the examiner, and gaining a higher LR score. However, the opposite will happen when the word is used out of context, like in this case. The examiner is not looking for impressive sounding advanced English words. He is looking for everyday conversational words that easily fit in normal conversations or writing. Keep it simple. The higher LR score will come from the proper use of words, not simply from the advanced level of words used.  
  
The writer has offered an opinion statement that leans towards one side of the essay. As such, he is expected to fully explain his reason for supporting this idea within 2 paragraphs. As he is not asked to discuss both views and give an opinion, the actual discussion should only be with regards to his actual opinion. This is not represented as a comparative essay in the original presentation.  
  
That said, the only paragraph that will receive a score is the one related to the actual opinion. Then the essay will develop scoring problems as the presentation will not fall under the minimum word count. It will be deemed under developed and will be scored based on an incomplete defense or explanation of the given opinion.
***Some people believe that we have too many choices.***  
## Do you agree or disagree?

  
  
These days, with the enhancement of new technologies, there are a variety of choices available to facilitate human's life. I completely agree with this point of view.  
  
Firstly, with regards to education, students have more than one option to choose from in modern society. In former days, it was compulsory for learners to fully attend offline classes to gain a solid understanding of the studies. However, in digital era, aside from registering for face-to-face studying sessions, students are able to learn from their home with a laptop of a smartphone connected with the Internet. Thus, the development of the latest technologies has offered learners at any ages a wide range of studying methods.  
  
Secondly, it is evident that there has been more means of transports manufactured to meet individuals' traveling demands. Taking Vietnam as an example, to travel on their regular basis, workers are free to choose different kinds of vehicles, such as buses, motorbikes, planes or even electric ones, based on the affordability or convenience. In the past, the old generations have fewer options regarding commuting in distance because of undeveloped technologies. For instance, some people went on foot, or rode a bike to pay a visit to their relatives, which was challenging in long distances. Therefore, thanks to the numerous availability of transportations, individuals have the freedom to choose better alternatives serving their purposes.  
  
To conclusion, following the emerging technologies, there are a range of choices for human beings to select, which makes our life easier and more enjoyable.
The writer should not have focused on technology as the basis of his topic restatement. This is because the original prompt did not imply reference point to that effect. It created an altered topic statement that will cause deductions to be applied to that section. Though the opinion presented is relevant to the original statement, the irrelevant discussion point addition cannot be ignored. The lack of a thesis statement to support the opinion is also going to affect the preliminary score. The upcoming discussion topics should have had a summary outline to complete the scoring requirements.  
  
Please note that the essay lost cohesiveness the minute the writing indicated a focus on technology then suddenly moved on to the transport sector without a proper connecting transition. As this topic was not mentioned earlier, it will cause a lowering of the score due to lack of proper connecting and transition words. This is why a general topic focus would have been best.  
  
The concluding summary is less than 2 sentences and 40 words. It is not a proper recap of the discussion. It will score less than expected as well.  
  
The writer understood the question and delivered a focused single - discussion. However, his eifors in the restatement, lack of thesis presentation, incorrect discussion focus, and incomplete summary conclusion worked against his final score.
## Reply for Mono Bookshop email

  
  
Your local bookshop has invited members of the public to recommend a guest speaker for an upcoming event that will include a series of talks from well-known people.  
  
Dear Mono bookshop,  
  
I have receive your email about the upcoming event in our town and Mono want to invite a guest speaker as well-known people. Therefore I have a suggest about a person whom I know is one of the face popular, Mr. Kim Namjoon also know as RM leader of BTS.  
  
At first, to explain why I have a highly recommend about this man because he IQ is 148 point. Next, he already speak at many the interviews and the awards ceremony such Unicef, Grammy... This can prove that he have a great experience of talking and communicating. This could be a key point for this event.  
  
Furthermore, his private Instagram owned more than 33 millions followers and it is increasing everyday. If he join the event it could be an outburst for Mono bookshop in this time. Besides, he is a person whom have a lot of interest in book and knowledge hence Mono can invite him by the book name 'The Mystery of Mono'.  
  
That is my idea for the upcoming event. I hope this can help Mono Bookshop a hand. Thank you for reading this email and have a nice day.
The letter cannot make a recommendation for a book speaker without indicating a theme for the event. Since the person being suggested is part of K-Pop, then the theme should be related to Korean entertainment. Otherwise, only legitimate book authors can be recommended.  
  
The guest speakers are invited based on their popularity as a writer. Their established popular books are part of the consideration. The reference to IQ and international speeches delivered do not matter unless it is relevant to the theme and suggestion criteria. There were not mentioned in the letter while it is an important reference for the validity of the suggestion.  
  
The essay shows that the writer knows what he wants to sayin English. He has made great efforts to express himself in English. The problem is that his vocabulary is too limited to allow for clear thought sharing. Due to his word usage problem, he exhibits weak sentence structuring / writing as well. He must focus his review classes on strengthening his grammar skills to improve in these 2 areas where his skills are weakest.  
  
This is a good attempt at letter writing. The writer shows promise and should improve over time with more lessons and regular practice.
The diagram illustrates step wise process of extracting sugar from sugarcane. Overall, there are 7 steps clearly depicted ,but the process starts with growing sugarcane in the farms and finishes with drying and cooling sugar syrup in large open containers.  
  
The starting step of sugar making process begins with growing sugarcane ,which takes around 12 to 18 months. This is followed by harvesting them ,that can be done using 2 methods, one is manually cutting sugarcane or by using big vehicles, which have choppers attach to them.  
  
In subsequent stage sugarcane is crushed by using crushing machine into sugarcane juice. This juice is further purified using limestone filter.It is then passes through an evaporator, which is constantly supplied by heat. Here sugarcane juice is converted into syrup. The next step is centrifuging the syrup to separate it from sugar crystals. The last and the final step is drying and cooling ,which turns sugar syrup into sugar.  
  
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The first paragraph sentence contains a redundant process reference. It also uses a conjunction that does not suit the sentence structure as there is no opposing process to speak of in the reference. These are errors that show a greater need to develop the writer's ability to with proper English sentences. While the sentence may read clearly in meaning, grammatical structure errors are evident in the presentation.  
  
The paragraphs are acceptable in cases of informal writing, but not in an academic or formal report presentation. Each paragraph must meet the standard 3-5 sentence requirement to receive proper scoring within 3 sectional considerations. This is achieved by separating the sentence or procedural references into individual sentence presentations.