dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Please provide feedback on the following argumentative essay that I have attempted in the given time frame of 30 minutes. Please comment especially in relation to whether I have fulfilled the task entailed in the prompt. Your insightful comments will be appreciated. Please refrain from pointing spelling or grammatical errors unless they are glaring. Thank you!  
  
## The memorandum from tv station

  
  
The memorandum from the television station states that to increase viewership, it should restore the time devoted to weather and local news to its former level. The argument stated in the memorandum does not make for a cogent case and is rife with assumptions not backed by solid evidence.  
  
First, nowhere in the memorandum, it is stated that since increasing time to national news and decreasing it to weather and local news, the viewership has decreased. The television station has received complaints from viewers regarding the coverage of weather and local news but it can not be inferred from this that some or many viewers stopped watching the late night program.  
  
Also, sufficient conclusion about the number of complaints can not be drawn from statement issued by the television station. It could be just a handful or many but we don't know from the statement alone. Also, the content of complaints is also not very clear from the statement. Whether the complainants disliked the brevity of weather and local news or its quality, we can not be sure. Further survey among the late night program viewers is required to know for sure they are really unhappy about the change of duration of the TV programs.  
  
Second, local businesses that cancelled the advertising contract with the television station did so because of increased time to national news, is not very clear from statement. The memorandum should have included statements from the local businesses themselves to arrive at this assumption. One can also not be sure of the number of contracts that were cancelled from this statement alone.  
  
In conclusion, strong evidence is needed to support the conclusion stated in the memorandum that time devoted to weather and local news should be restored to its former level. As it stands, the argument does not make for a persuasive case. The television station must also verify, if at all there has been a viewership decline. Only when such evidence is achieved through viewer surveys and interviews from local businesses can the argument stated in the memorandum be strengthened.
Hi Somya, this essay is a far cry from the first one that you wrote. This one shows a clear understanding of the article that you were given for analysis. Your comparison and discussion points were well on the mark. You displayed a clear analysis for every point delivered in the article and your opinions show that you took the time to consider the best method of discussion to prove your points. The representative arguments are enough to create holes in the original arguments. The reader will definitely find himself pondering the discussion presentations you made. This is a highly improved version of a GRE essay on your part. I would not have believed that this essay was written by the same person who made a mistake with the movie production discussion. Good work. Save for the imperfect grammar, which pulled your score down, I would rate this essay at least a 5. Keep up the good work. Focus on improving your sentence structure and vocabulary presentations in your succeeding practice tests.
## quality of life in the city

  
  
Maybe anyone of us also wants to develop the career in model cities right? It is the place where most of the companies that everyone targets it. Working on these companies mean that you will be able to learn many things and certainly will be paid a high salary and You will have a bright future. In addition, there are many entertainment places to serve the people after stressful working hours.  
  
when we study, we often think about the future, about later life. we try to study well to find opportunities in the big cities. Have you ever wonder why not looking for the opportunities at the countryside? In it, the air also fresh but why have to go to town.  
  
If we debate about this issue surely will not come to an end. Here I just want to express my personal views. When you working at the city, you will have chances learn new technologies and working with the foreigner and learn from their experiences. It will motivate you to improve yourself. And the result day of work hard you have a comfortable life. It is the reward you deserve.  
  
You also think about getting married and having children. Once your child reaches school age, you have to find a school that has a good education. You will have many choices in big towns.  
  
You expect the child get to achieve good results as you have. So from now, you have to equip them a solid foundation.  
There is also the opinion that life of the city is stuffy, bored and polluted. Each person a point of views, which has a negative and positive side.  
  
In short, I think living of the city will be much more positive. And do you think about the issues?
*Se7enkieu, as I began to edit your essay, I stopped abrupty. I don't think it's quite ready for the editing process here. Your ideas are good, but, if this essay is intended for an English audience (or similar), your writing will need some work first (and more than what a quick edit here can provide you). My best suggestion to you is to find a native English speaker with whom you can express the thoughts you wish to put into this essay. Then, have them talk through with you the words you should choose to craft the sentences in this essay. It is tedious to correct simple grammar mistakes in this online format, but will be quite simple to do when speaking in person.  
  
Don't be dismayed by this task - you are completely capable and with a bit more work, you'll end up with a stellar essay! Good Luck!*
Kieu, it is difficult to begin to assess your essay as you did not signify if this is for a research paper, a normal essay, or an English exam essay. Next time, please indicate what sort of reason you wrote the essay for so that you can be advised accordingly. Right now, I can spot some pretty obvious problems with your sentence development that I need to point out to you.  
  
Your grammar is faulty in the sense that you have an effective use of verbs, but you do not include subjects in the sentence so your presentations do not have any substance or meaning to it. When you only have descriptions for the actions (verb), but you do not have a reason for it (subject), then the sentence presentation becomes confusing and, if you are taking an English test, ends up giving you a very bad score in relation to grammar skills.  
  
Try to be cognizant of grammar rules at all times. That means, double check your presentations for capitalization issues and punctuation use. In the second paragraph, you kicked it off with a lower case starting topic sentence. Bad move. All first words in a sentence are always capitalized. That is a basic English writing rule.  
  
Next, your paragraphs, for English tests, regardless of the kind, it has to have a minimum of 3 sentences to qualify as a completely developed paragraph that can explain itself in a proper manner. You are inconsistent in your presentations throughout the essay. Also, in English test writing, you are not allowed to pose a question to the reader because, unlike in an English research paper where you are allowed to pose a question and an answer because you are not hindered by sentence maximum limitations.  
  
A concluding paragraph must always summarize your discussions. In this instance though, it did not do that and it even closed with a question. That makes is unsuitable as an English exam essay closing presentation.
I'd have to assume that this is for an academic essay because you didn't specify it. Or is it for an article?  
  
Either way, I think it's better not write the essay as if you're talking to a second person (the way you present this is like a dialogue of two, with 'you' being the reader) because normally in english we write in the third person perspective. Say "most people think.." or "it is common belief that people are..." rather than "you think.." :)  
  
good luck
Hi guys! I wish you have a nice day!  
I'm a non-native English speaker. Today I've written an essay and it is very appreciative of you to give me some feedback about my essay..  
  
Thanks very much in advance!  
  
Q: Write an essay (150 - 300 words) about this topic:  
  
*Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.*  
  
## online shopping evaluation

  
  
A:  
  
The internet has had a dramatic impact on the e-commercial in the last few years. More and more people are doing shopping online because they think that online trade has the advantages outnumbering its disadvantage. On my point of view, I totally agree with this notion for some of these reasons.  
  
Firstly, shopping online is extremely convenient - it saves up our time, energy, etc. Instead of wasting your time running around a shopping mall, airport; in search of your favorite commodity, ticket; the only thing you have to do is to register an account at a particular shopping online website, for example, and choose your suitable product among the diversity of blend. Some websites will categorize the product systematically, in terms of its prices, prevalence. Furthermore, the shipping method also makes it more prevailing as its flexibility and effectiveness.  
  
Secondly, the customer will be ensured for the product's quality and its price. Some people make an expenditure on jewelry, for instance, without taking consideration of it. As a consequence, they are, sometimes, be perceived by its ingenuity with low quality. However, this phenomenal will not happen again as you buy the product online from a prestigious and reliable bland with the quality assurance and reasonable price. Moreover, events or discounts on the product are more prevalent on an online shop than the offline one. This discount is considered to be lucrative to a customer whose budget is tough or they want to put by their money for other expenditures.  
  
In conclusion, I think buying things through the Internet is more expedient than the conventional one, and it is expected to be enlarged in the community.
Bau, when it comes to these English writing tests, it is not enough that you can write in English. You have to prove that you can, first and foremost, understand English instructions. That is why the opening paragraph requires you to give an understanding of the original prompt in your own words. Based upon your presentation of the prompt, it appears that you only have a partial understanding of the original prompt. You understand what the essay topic is about, but you do not understand the instructions that were given for the discussion. Let me point it out to you:  
  
Topic - Buying things on the Internet...  
Instruction - Do the advantages ... Give reasons for your answer...  
  
There are two main discussion points that you need to provide based upon the original prompt requirements. What you did was:  
Topic - More and more people are doing shopping online ...  
Instruction Response - I totally agree with this notion...  
  
Based on the two outlines above, I am sure that you can tell where the mistake is. It is highly obvious. The instruction was a discussion of advantage and disadvantage. You chose to "totally agree". There is a clear failure to understand and address the task provided for you to complete in the essay. Therefore, there is no other recourse but for this essay to receive a failing score.  
  
You need to work on your English comprehension skills. If you don't understand the question, don't write just because you need to write. That is how you fail the test. Instead, since you are still practicing, ask someone who understands and speaks fluent English to explain the topic of the prompt to you. That way you can understand what the different instructions mean. Don't get me wrong, you still need to understand what the topic sentence is all about. However, if you can understand how you are supposed to discuss the topic, then maybe, you can develop a simple understanding of what the prompt is all about as well. Then you can properly discuss the prompt in a simple manner within the essay.
## low-cost airline tickets

  
  
**Some people think that the cheap air flight gives ordinary people freedom. However, others think the cheap air flight should be banned because it pollutes the air and brings many other problems. Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
Selling low-cost airline tickets has been a controversial issue. While it can be argued that common people is given more independent choices, I believe that government should exert a blunt prohibition to ban this prevailing trend.  
  
On the one hand, discount tickets are opportunities to go to overseas for everyone. It means that enables intercultural exchanges between countries. For example, Vietnamese exchange students will have better understanding of countries such as United Kingdom, Japan, etc, where they use to be unfamiliar. Moreover, small businessman who always be busy oneself working their jobs have propered because of the ease of travel.  
  
On the other hand, the development of science and technology leads to large-scale aeroplanes are becoming expanded, so that aircrafts consume a vast amount of oil and gas emission and this has a huge impact on the environment. Besides, whenever the cheap airline has the interruption without announcement, passengers will be inconvenient if they cannot modify their schedules.  
  
To sum up, I am convinced that giving people the freedom to travel is essential, but at the same time people should be made aware of avoiding unnecessary travel.
@hanhhnhii your opening paraphrase is inaccurate and does not apply to the original prompt. Your sentence number per paragraph is inconsistent. Sometimes you have the minimum 3 sentence requirement, most of the time though, you don't. You also discussed your personal opinion in the closing statement which runs counter to the expected information in that paragraph. These are the main problems with your response.  
  
Here's a sample of a more accurate paraphrase and opening statements for the body paragraphs:  
  
*A number of air travelers are appreciative of low priced airfare because of the freedom to travel that it gives. There are those who oppose this point of view though. They say that budget flights need to be permanently restricted because of the environmental problems, such as pollution, that it brings. This essay will discuss both points of view prior to the statement of my opinion towards the end of the essay.  
  
Those who support the economy flights do so because of the freedom it gives them. For example....  
  
However, some people, such as environmentalists, believe that these discounted fares result in increased air pollution and other problems such as... That is why they believe these flights should be banned.  
  
My opinion, is that these flights...  
  
Therefore...*  
  
Following the format for the discussion above, you should be able to properly discuss the essay in a manner that can garner you a higher final score.
## popularity of electronic books phenomenon

  
  
*With the rise of e-books comes the decline in paper books. Some people see this as a good step forward while others do not. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?*  
  
As we are in the age of technology, some see it as a positive outcome when the upraising electronic books are substituting the traditional books. Which leads to other strongly disagree. In this essay, I will present the advantages of the topic and also the drawbacks below.  
  
One positive outcome to the upraising electronic books replacing the traditional books is that it could save our environment. Because electronic books do not need an enormous amount of trees in order to produce sufficient distribution. Instead, it merely requires computer and electricity. Furthermore, it could save a lot of space too. Take library for example, by substituting those physical books to electronic books, it would save so much space for other uses such as more chairs and tables for people to read.  
  
However, there are some downsides in regard to substitution of electronic books to traditional books. One negative impact is that the long hours of staring at the electronic screen would lead to certain eye diseases. Macular degeneration for instance, it would cause by looking at the phone or computer its screen intensively over a certain amount of time. Moreover, e-book users have to pay more comparing the physical books in purchasing from the service via the internet because of the convenience gimmick, thus, before the price becomes cheaper and universal, it is a step of backward to us.  
  
To conclude, some people consider that it is a step forward regarding the popularity of electronic books in contrast to the traditional books. While it is beneficial in saving the environment and reduce its space capacity. The eye diseases might occur by constantly looking at its screen and the expensive price for its e-books should also be taken into consideration.  
  
Words: 290  
  
Thanks!  
  
CJ
Not a bad piece of essay writing CJ. You were able to depict the paraphrased statement in a manner that, although a bit confusing at first, the reader ends up eventually understanding. It did not cause too much stress for the reader. Your approach was appropriate and the message was there although a bit hard to find at first. I have to remind you though of the grammar writing rules with regards to connecting words such as "because". A connecting word cannot be used to start a sentence because there is no previous thought process to connect within the next sentence. Therefore, all connecting words cannot be used to start a sentence. Your paragraphs are highly informative and shows off your analytical skills. The essay is a very good presentation coming from someone who was not this well equipped a few days ago. Keep up the good work, you are well on your way to total improvement in terms of your writing skills.
**Some people believe that it is a good idea to continue to work at their old age. To what extent do you agree or disagree**  
  
**the writing topic of 20171102 China mainland IELTS test**  
  
## elderly people at work

  
  
Some people think it a good idea to stay in their jobs when they grow old. Personally, I strongly disagree with them on this matter. I will elaborate my arguments as follows.  
  
The primary reason that the elderly should retire is that they are physically fragile. Their immunity is certain to deteriorate with age, so that they are more vulnerable to illness. For them, the likelihood is extraordinarily high of falling ill under the stress in the workplace. When struck by disease, they also have difficulties in recovering readily, and thus, the conditions can be chronic. Considering the potential risk of healthy problems, it is unwise for them to continue working.  
  
Furthermore, even though a few people maintain robust health at their old age, they should withdraw from their occupation too - because it is a painful struggle for them to keep up with the times. In the age of technological innovation, many job sectors have undergone disruptive change, forcing professionals in these fields to learn from scratch and explore the unknown. This is just the serious weak point of the elderly, who tend to be conservative and not open to novelties. They usually stick to existing tools or solutions, reluctant to exercise their creativity. For this reason, the best option for them is to simply bow out of the employment market.  
  
To recapitulate, infirmity due to age proves a major hurdle to the career development of older people. The era of technological revolution also poses formidable challenges to them. Therefore, they should withdraw from their occputation at a ripe old age, despite their eagerness to continue their professional pursuit.  
  
*This time, I tried to make some improvements accordingly. Hope it works. I would more appreciate it if you score my essay.  
I used the term "strongly disagree", so I just laid out my disagreements rather than wrote a comparative essay. I placed the transition sentence "Furthermore, even though ..." in the opening of the third paragraph.*
Gang, I am impressed by your network. These essay prompts are normally as heavily guarded as the US president. How did you manage to get a copy of an active question from the testing center? Don't answer that. I don't really need to know. As always, I expect nothing lower than a score of 8 from you. The only thing really holding you back from that elusive 9 is the fluency problem and wrong use of collocations at times. For this essay, I want to focus on the mistakes that gave away the fact that you are not an ENL or English Native Language Speaker yet in terms of discussion development skills.  
  
... the potential risk of healthy problems...  
- ... risk of HEALTH problems  
  
...robust health at their old age...  
- ... health IN their...  
  
their occupation ~~too -~~ because it...  
This is ~~just~~ the serious weak...  
  
Your concluding paragraph is strong but missing one element. Can you tell what it is? You forgot to reiterate your strong disagreement with the statement in the end. That's alright the concluding paragraph was already an acceptable conclusion anyway.
Hi, everyone! As a non-native speaker, I would very appreciate any messages about my grammar mistakes. Thank you for reading!  
  
## how movies or television affect people?

  
  
In the following essay, I would like to express my opinion in regard to the question how movies or television affect people's behaviour. There is a tidal wave of concerns about negative charge which is carried by television programmes and movies. Some people believe that instead of providing young generation with socially accepted images of prominent figures and authorities and foster teenagers, television conversely corrupts moral of its spectators.  
  
According to this view, producers and directors of TV production are socially responsible for the content of their programmes. According to statistics, an average teenager spends up to 4 hours a day watching TV. The ubiquitousness of personal computers and the internet has only worsened the situation, as nowadays spectators have access to billions of movies. Moreover, some movies deliberately break the rules of moralities and widely accepted social conventions in the attempt to gather attention and attract a shocked spectator by the taste novelty. There are some cartoons such as "The Simpsons" and "Family Guy" which constantly and intentionally satirizes the core values of our society. No wonder that the rising generation which for years has been exposed to images of lazy and careless father Homer Simpson and his naughty and mischievous child Bart Simpson (from 'The Simpsons' cartoon) can pick up their mindset and thought patterns.  
  
However, it is well worth noticing that this point of view does not take the following reasoning into account. Television programmes and movies do not have to directly teach their viewers some moral laws and obligation, not least because in that TV production would morph into lifeless and tedious notations instead of entertainment. However, they indeed can mirror the society and reflect its moral flaws and misdeeds to spectators. Such reflections, for example, made in mentioned above cartoons, can make the viewer think about moral dilemmas much more efficiently than straight notations.  
  
To conclude, I believe that influence of television programmes and movies on people behaviour is negligible and people can not justify their misdeeds by the negative influence of TV.