dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
*The chart below give information about the level of education of Bulgarian people who wanted to go and live in another country in 2002, 2006 and 2008.  
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.*  
  
The bar chart gives information about Bulgarian residents who wanted to move from Bulgaria in 2002, 2006, and 2008 based on three types of education degree. Overall, the secondary education was the highest number of people who planned to go abroad during three years. In general, it was a downward trend. The higher education was the lowest quantity. However, primary and lower educations were an upward trend even though they did not reach a high number.  
  
To begin with, Bulgarian people who was from higher education stood at 17 percent in 2002. In the following year, it increased gradually to 20%. Two years later, it decreased dramatically to 9 percent. The percentage of secondary education during the periods was decreased fourfold from 65 to 61. In 2008, middle education degree that planned to go overseas declined to 59 percent. Meanwhile, primary and lower educations were a slight rise from 18 to 19 percent. Next, it reached a peak at 32%. 160w  
  
*
hey,  
i read your essay, hope my corrections and suggestions will be helpful.  
  
the first paragraph seems good to me. just one correction :  
Overall, the secondary education was the highest number of people who planned to go abroad during **the** three years.  
  
in the 2nd paragraph i found the last sentence to be a bit confusing:  
(**In 2008, middle education degree ... Meanwhile, (...) were a slight rise from 18 to 19 percent. Next, it reached a peak at 32%. 160w**)  
  
since you were talking about the year 2008, but **after meanwhile**, u started talked about the previous years and then came back to 2008.
Hi Anna  
Let me correct your writing  
hopefully it.s useful  
  
anyway, you stated "....to go abroad during three years" (In fact, it starts from 2002 to 2008, it means it.s six year)  
  
your introductions is too long, I mean introduction need only paraphrasing and overall. overall means you need to pick up the clear trend, you do not need to explain the all the level's improvement. it is much better you improve it in Body 1 and 2.  
  
next, it is much better you arrange it in three paragraphs (add one body more)  
  
do your best  
thank you
hi anna i have feedback for your essay  
>> it is better to write writing task 1 consists of three paragraphs ( introduction with overview, body 1 and body 2)  
>> please try to avoid using the number in first paragraph such as( years 2002,2008) using paraphrase to make reader more understand about the topic)>> please read the question more carefully before starting to write a sentence (such as summarize and compare) it means you should summarize the significant issue and summarize about the trend in the chats  
  
... to move from Bulgaria ~~in 2002, 2006, and 2008~~ based on three types of education degree over the last seven-years of decade.  
... go abroad during three years (i think it was happened within seven years ).  
  
keep writing  
(^,^)
**Many employees may work at home with the modern technology. Some people claim that it can benefit only the workers, not the employers.  
  
*To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?***  
  
Raising a global technology has helped people to work most, It has created efficiency for the employees to complete their works at home. Some argue that it only becomes a benefit for workforce but not for the employer. This essay totally disagrees with the statement because of the benefit it brings to the workplace.  
  
There are several reasons why raising a high-tech should not be a problem for a company or employer. Primarily, it helps workforce to finish their tasks efficiently. This is mainly because the employee not required to come and spend their time to go to office and gets traffic in the public transportation. While working at home with apps they can finish the task by using their time that usually spent at public transport. For instance, a half of facebook's workforce spent their times in traffic in 2008 and it was affecting working hours to finish the task, a new regulation has been made to create efficient working hours along the period, and the regulations allow facebook's worker to complete their tasks at home by apps and the result, this collaboration creates more benefits related to marketing and sales performance of company.  
  
In addition, High-tech is able to reduce the burden of operational cost. This means, when a company is able to complete the task based on apps , it reduces the cost for operational such as electricity, monthly travel pass, internet, food & beverages, etc. This reduction occurs after a company allows their workers to finish the task at home by utilizing the high-tech.  
  
To conclude, Advanced technology is not a limit or a problem for company, it has become benefits not only for workers but also companies.
Hello  
  
Most of your sentences need to be rewritten so that they sound better (stylistically) and make more sense. Here are some suggestions:  
  
~~Raising a~~ [...] *[i]The ongoing progress in the domain of global technology made it possible for people to spend their time much more wisely.*  
Some*people* argue [...]*that this mostly benefits employers and not the ordinary workers.*  
~~This essay~~ [...] *In this essay, I will argue that the mentioned idea does not make much sense.*  
~~why raising a high-tech~~ [...] *why the rise of hi-tech technologies...*  
~~This is mainly~~ [...] *The reason for this is that while taking full advantage of technology, employees are able to manage their time much more efficiently.*  
  
~~While working~~ [...] *For example, technology makes it possible for people to stay in constant touch with their friends and coworkers, without having to travel to see them in person.*  
  
I'm sure you'll be able to fix the rest of the text on your own. Try to make sentences shorter until you get a better hang of English. I hope this will help. Regards.
***The pie chart shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s***  
  
The pie chart provides information about some factors that caused production of agricultural field. The table informs how the regions were influenced by those causes during the 1990s. Overall, over-gazing was the largest factor that caused land degradation, and Europe was the largest region where land degradation had happened.  
  
Over-gazing was the main problem that made land degradation. It stood at 35%. The second factor was deforestation that contributed 30 percent. It had a slight different number with over-cultivation, which the percentage was 28. Other factors were mentioned that had degraded agricultural land.  
  
Land in North America was most affected by over-cultivation factor with 3.3%. Deforestation was the main caused that had affected Europe region in agricultural land by 9.8%. However, the amount case of over-gazing had degraded 11.3 percent land area in Oceania. It carried Oceania as the second larger region that had been degraded in agricultural field than North America with 5%. Nevertheless, Europe got the percentage of land degradation with 23%. 164w  
  
*   
*Causes of World Wide Land Degradation*
1. ... some factors that caused production of agricultural field  
better you add one of the keywords from the question---> degradation  
  
e.g.: The pie chart provides information about some factors that caused (degradation of) production of agricultural field  
  
2. ... had been degraded (...) North America with 5%.  
number more than ten ---> write as picture [1993/ 35/ 1000 etc]  
number below ten---> write as a word [four, two]  
North America with 5%.--> five percent  
  
good luck
**INTRODUCTION**  
  
*\*poorly paraphrased the question [giving incomplete sentence and inappropriate form on another]  
\*appropriately selected data as overview although poorly wrote it*  
  
The table informs how the regions were influenced*[the data given is in percentage, so you need to mention the unit of measurement of the data here, in this case in in proportion rate]* by those causes ...  
  
... and Europe was the largest region where land degradation had happened.[inappropriate data. It is not about whether the land is the largest or not, it is about the highest percentage]  
  
**BODY PARAGRAPH**  
  
*\*tend to make very simple sentences and less accurate complex ones  
\*although using comparison language in both body paragraphs, still moderate grouping. Indeed, the data given in the different pictures can be compared each other.  
\*consistent and appropriate tenses chosen according to question timeline  
\*no major errors in sentence structure despite of the fact that paragraphs written in unvaried style*
**The diagram below shows a possible future means of home energy production.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.** (I have attached picture to use in this essay already.)  
  
## energy from biomass

  
  
=======  
The diagram show a process for producing electricity for home use which is based biomass such a leaves, food scraps, etc. The fuel from this process is methane is know in part of natural gas. This system consists of gas generating, gas compressing, fuel combusting, electricity generating and electrical storage that would be able to fit into a provided space. In addition, each part is connected by pipes and cables.Electricity is produced using methane gas, created from fermentation between compost and water in a large steel tank. The gas has been collected before it is sent to compressor for increase concentration that enhancing combustion efficiency in the next part. Having been transferred to a combustion engine which in turn produces mechanical energy, it is then changed into electrical energy by generator. After this stage the electricity is stored in a battery, which is discharged to using when out of fuel source.
Hi Thirakorn,  
Welcome to EssayForum :)  
  
This is the right place for you to practice writing, particularly in IELTS writing. We are here to help you achieving a better result. The detailed descriptions below are my contributions towards your writing. I hope you can consider this as valuable guidance for your future practices.  
  
First of all, you need to know that in IELTS writing task 1, candidates are suggested to write in proper paragraph structures. Your essay has only a single paragraph which is inadequate to fulfill the requirement of band 6 or above. Even, I might say this essay can be 4.0. Thus, my suggestion is that you need to write at least 3 paragraphs in this type of essay. The first paragraph would be introductory paragraph, the second and third paragraph would be body paragraphs.  
  
Moreover, in introductory paragraph, you need to write at least 3 sentences. It consists of paraphrase of the question (1st sentence), and overview of the general views / main features in the essay (2nd and 3rd sentences). This can possibly become a strong introductory paragraph. Then, in body paragraphs, you need to use a proper grouping. You need to separate / split / divide the information into some parts (preferably 2 parts). Therefore, you can write the first part of the information in the second paragraph, and the second part of the information as the third paragraph.  
  
However, an optional way to write an overview is by putting it either in the introduction paragraph or the last paragraph. My suggestion is that it is better to put in in the beginning of the paragraph. This is suggested to avoid ruining your time management. You need to remember that you also need 40 minutes to work on IELTS task 2.  
  
Hope this helps :)
**The use of electronic media has negative effects on personal relationships between people.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
In the past, electronic media is one of things which do not much to find. People just communicate with send a letter by pos. But now, electronic media becomes important thing for their life. In this time, electronic media consist of many programs such as email, messenger, what's app, line, instagram, BBM, and other. This situation make people easy to communicate which other people. But others have view that, using electronic media can destroy their personal relationship in their life.  
  
In my view, I totally disagree about that, I think electronic media helps people to more close with other, especially personal relationship. Because when we do not time to meet with other, we just send a text into our electronic media and we can make another meeting in another time. Electronic media have good effect for activities of people between another people. Some people can make lots of friend in social networking sites, it will affect for their career, because many colleagues from other aspects can find in social networking, directly affect for their personal relationship.  
  
However, people do not speak to each other face or sometimes, people send massages without thinking first. But this is situation make people have many friends and close with other in other place or other jobs. Human can make other schedule if they want to meet in particular place. Without send a letter by post and it needs long time.  
  
All in all, I believe that electronic media do not has negative effect on personal relationships between people, but it is help people more close because many application can use, if one of them is busy or in abroad, they can use video call application and can face to face through media electronic.
**HELLO MISS RESKI :)  
MAY I GIVE YOU SOME CORRECTIONS :)  
HERE ARE FEW OF MY COMMENTS :)**  
  
This situation **make=>MAKES** people easy to ...  
But others **have + ARTICLE 'a'**view **that, (don't put comma)** using electronic media ...  
  
... make lots of friend **in=>ON social** networking sites, it will affect**~~for~~ =>(UNNECESSARY)**their career, because (...) directly affect ~~for~~ their personal relationship.  
  
... sometimes, people send **massages=> MESSAGES** without thinking first.  
  
... electronic media do not **has => HAVE THE** negative effect on (...) is help people more **close=> CLOSER** because many application ...  
  
**KEEP WRITING :) GOOD LUCK :)**
Hi Reski, here's another one from my end;  
  
- In the past, electronic media is one of the things  
- ~~which do not much~~that is hard to find.  
- People just communicate ~~with send a~~by sending letter  
- ~~by pos~~through post .  
- ~~But now~~Nowadays , electronic media becomes an  
- important ~~thing for their~~part of our life.  
- ~~In this time, electronic media~~It consist of many  
- and others .  
- This situation ~~make people~~makes it easy to  
- communicate ~~which~~with other people.  
- ~~But~~However, others have a view that,  
- relationship ~~in their life~~ .  
  
There you have it Reski, as you can see, there's still a lot of modifications to be done in your essay and I hope you follow through with the corrections and for future writing reference, mind the format or the sentence construction that you compose in your essay as this will affect the overall outcome.
Have you ever thought the world would be better if people should speak the same language instead of speaking many different languages? For me, I do not think the world would be better, I think it would be more boring like when you see some black and white movies and no sounds. I am sure most of us like to watch colorful movies with dynamic sounds. In the modern world, some people are multilingual, possibly because they come from multicultural families or because they are gifted in languages, while others speak only one language. Some people who can speak more than one language have more opportunities in communities.  
  
There are a lot of people wish to live in plural communities. In these communities, opportunities to communicate with some kinds of people are very many. For example, in the United States, the country has fifty states and many of the races live in together. This is the biggest community for every ethnic, every nation, every culture comes from over the world. They assimilate into one general culture and live in peace. Many descendants are bilingualism and biculturalism. This is a good thing because when they grow up, they learn about how to understand cultural diversities, how to respect other races, how to be tolerant of the differences of other lives. Therefore, they can easily increase their knowledge, their skills to deal with other people in plural communities.  
  
In additionally, people who can speak two or more languages will have many lucky chances when they live in a society. For example, two students who just graduated from school, they had the same degree. They went together to interview one company, but a company just wanted to hire one person, and they decided to choose the student who could speak two languages: English and Spanish. As we can see, speaking two or more languages brings a lot of benefits to help people in life. More and more parents want their children can speak at least two languages. They want them to have more opportunities when they go out and live independence themselves. Thus, learning other languages becomes a very important and essential thing for teenagers and young people, nowadays.  
  
In conclusion, living in the plural communities, people can have a lot of chances to experience new information, new lives, new situations, new cultures, and to meet a lot of kinds of people. It will be enjoyable and real experiences more than just reading books, newspapers, or watching television.
Hi sydneynguyen, overall this is a good essay. First person is good when it is used sparingly. You can still voice your opinion without saying "I think" the words in your response are clearly your words, and thus your opinion on the subject. Thus instead of saying  
  
"Have you ever thought the world [...] and white movies and no sounds" you can say "Have you ever thought the world would be better if people spoke the same language instead of speaking many languages? The world would not be better, but more boring, just like black and white movies with no sounds."  
  
This has good content, just has a few grammatical mistakes. "In additionally" should be "in addition". Consider changing this sentence to be: "There are a lot of people who wish to live in plural communities. In these communities, people have great opportunities to communicate with people of many different cultures and ethnicities. For example, the United States, a country founded on immigration and embraces its plurality, is a melting pot of many of many different races and ethnicities."
Topic : **getting promotion is one of the biggest drives for people to apply themselves and work hard in the modern workplace. Why do you think people are so driven to get promotion? What other factors influence people to work hard?**  
  
There are a lot of reasons that people have to try their best to work hard, to get a success; and one of them is getting the promotion. Getting promotion is one of the biggest drives for people to apply themselves and work hard in the modern workplace and it also is a higher and better position in career.  
  
Employees and workers always try their best abilities to succeed in the competitive market as a company. The purpose of getting the promotion is to let employees reach and catch better opportunities to challenge themselves. For example, for some of the people, they go to work to earn money, to pay for the needs of themselves, so getting the promotion means they have a chance to earn more money, to have much more than enough. Or, for some of the others, they go to work to satisfy their dreams, to improve their skills, and to learn newer experiences, thus getting the promotion is a good step to let them do the things that they want to see. These reasons are efforts that make human always does not stop trying to gain the promotion. This also means people always have more responsibilities for the job they do. However, the getting promotion is always the best and happiest news to all of the employees.  
  
There are many other factors that influence people to work hard such as transportation, house, relationship, love...and in particular luck is gained thirty percent in a road to get an achievement. There is a story about the French emperor Napoleon said to one of his generators " I know he is good, but is he lucky?" Luck means here people catch opportunities at the right time, use these skills in the right places. Opportunities very often depend on luck, but it does not explain the success comes totally from luck, work hard can invite luck. Life is not rosy. If each person does not work hard to get success, they only lose a battle. Nothing can replace the work hard and when people are working hard at the same time they are preparing themselves more opportunities knock on their doors.  
  
Overall, the getting promotion is a good step to improve the quality of peoples' lives. We should set a goal and try our best abilities to gain it. The getting promotion is a good purpose and also a bright challenge and in life these challenges create some enjoyable things.
Dear sydneynguyen, here some advices for your writing and feel free for correcting me too!  
  
.....it ~~also is~~is also a higher and better ...  
  
Employees ~~and workers~~ always try their (...) market ~~as a~~ company.  
  
The purpose of getting the promotion is that to let employees (...) opportunities ~~to challenge~~for challenging themselves.  
  
~~For example, for some of the people, they go ...~~  
**For example, some people need money to buy their neccessities and getting the promotion made them a chance to save more money.**  
  
~~Or, for some of the others, they go to work to ...~~  
**On the other hand, getting the promotion is a good step for them to reach their own targets.**  
  
These reasons are ~~efforts that~~~~make human~~**making workers**~~always~~ does not stop ~~trying~~ to gain the promotion.  
  
Regards
*Aloha, here are my thoughts;*  
  
There are a lot of reasons that people [....] higher and better position in career.  
**(your introduction is hard to be understood, so you should more practice to make your introduction more clearly. Let me share with you the components of introduction; 1) make introduction of task or usually some writers just paraphrase the question, 2) specify your position about this essay)**  
  
*I hope it can be helpful*