I always tell my students to never write more than 1 essay per day for their home exercise. The reason behind the one essay task per day is because each and every essay that you write will contain several errors that need to be corrected. There may even be times when the student repeats the same error over several successive tasks. Learning time is wasted that way. Rather than correcting the mistakes of the student and leading them towards the correct writing path, the student ends up frustrated and angry because the essays that he wrote successively just do not meet the passing mark. In your case, you successively wrote essays and had several mistakes in each one. Rather than having a learning lesson from each mistake, you will be overwhelmed by your mistakes and find it difficult to overcome the errors you made. So from this point on, I want you to write only 1 essay task per day. Wait for the review, learn from the lessons you will be given, and apply it to your succeeding essays. Take is one essay at a time if you really want to learn how to write these essays properly.  
  
Your first sentence in the paraphrase section is just one confusing run on sentence. You actually managed to convey a mixed message statement instead of simply putting the original topic across to the examiner. Always go for clarity. So one idea per sentence. That way you can properly structure the sentence for clarity and comprehension value. Hence:  
  
*It is believed that the future of education lies in modern learning gadgets. Students will soon be using laptops, smart screens, for home lessons. This is a far cry from the conventional academic learning style at conventional teaching institutions. Personally, I would prefer to attend regular classes at standard academies. Mostly because there are more learning benefits to attending formal lessons. These formal lessons also provide more of a well rounded educational experience. Let me explain further below.*  
  
Now, while your response will be considered and scored by the examiner, I would like to point something out to you with regards to the information requirement for this essay. Use reasons and specific details for your choice. The examiner would like to be assured that you are informed of the current educational trends as it applies to students. Therefore, you should be discussing this essay from the current school from home situation of the worldwide student population. All the students are benefiting from studying at home. You should show that you are also abreast of the current events, specifically, about how Covic-19 has changed the educational landscape.  
  
Never use words that connote uncertainty in your statements. Either you believe that traditional schooling will contribute to a student's maturity or you don't. There is no maybe in the discussion. Show strong support for the point of view that you have chose. If you are uncertain about a particular reason, do not include it in the discussion as it will weaken your essay and show indecision on your part. That will affect your TA score.  
  
The concluding paraphrase is incomplete. You need to restate the original discussion points again, this time with your reasons, and opinion so that you can properly summarize the essay presentation. I know, it is repetitive. However, the examiner needs to see that you are not just writing using memorized words and phrases. The reverse summary allows you to do exactly that by giving you a chance to prove that you really understood the original prompt and you truly believe your discussion reasons.