When writing a personal opinion paper, as indicated by this prompt, you MUST use first person pronouns in the presentation to indicate ownership of the discussion points. The essay clearly indicates that you are to give a measured response based on your personal knowledge of the issue. In any prompt that uses the reference "you", the expectation of the examiner will be to hear directly from you. Therefore, the first person pronouns must be used in smatterings within your essay discussion.  
  
Try to keep your essay short but informative. Writing over 300 words means you will not be leaving enough time for the editing of your response prior to submission. A 275-300 word paper is always more than sufficient to maximize the scoring potential of your paper. In this case, you wrote a little too much, which could affect the essay in a negative manner just the same. Use a timer to get a better idea of the number of words you could potentially write, without having to watch the clock.  
  
You have not used enough various word representations in the essay to convince the reviewer that you did not just cut and paste or use memorized phrases from the original prompt. You should have looked for alternative words to the terms anti-social and banned in certain places. Those come directly from the original prompt without changes. Therefore you will lose points in the GRA section.  
  
By the way, as a measured response with personal opinion essay, you cannot simply say *"While I agree that the use of mobile phones has some harmful effects, I am also for the idea that it is unnecessary to prohibit mobile phones.*" That is because it does not follow the expected format for the response in this type of prompt. You could have worded your response in the following manner instead:  
  
*[i]I partly disagree with this statement due to several reasons.*[/i]  
  
Partly means that you have a 50/50 stance with regards to the discussion. Your next paragraphs should reflect that divided opinion on your end. The discussion points you presented are numerous but not fully explained. Hence the cohesiveness and coherence of your discussion was affected, causing confusion for the reader and an under developed discussion path for your presentation. That is too bad because the essay presents good reasons. The problem was the lack of explanation for your reasons.  
  
The last problem for this essay is the lack of proper conclusion. The conclusion should be seen as a summary of your personal discussion points and a reiteration of your stance. The concluding portion was only a run-on sentence, which reflects badly upon your English writing skills.  
  
Possible Score: 5  
  
Reason:  
Based on these observations and the requirements of the rubic, it appears that your writing skills consistently fall under the 5 mark. That means the work is acceptable but could use improvement. In order to reach the 6 score, you need to focus on a better discussion ability. Develop your explanations based on a singular or 2 connected reasons in a paragraph. That way you create cohesiveness and coherence in your presentation. That is where your improvement should begin. Learn how to present clearer discussions for your paragraph presentations through the use of topic sentences.