dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## alternative healing methods are becoming more popular today

  
  
Today, there are many people who have problems with their health tend to use medicines and treatments without going to hospital. In my opinion, this trend is a negative development that people should not follow.  
  
There are many reasons that people should visit their doctor and limit use of unknown drugs and treatment. Firstly, people may use the wrong medicines and treatment. In the modern and technological society, people can easily look up information on the Internet and there is so much information that they can control and understand. Therefore, they may choose wrong drugs and treatments that can not only have a negative impact on their health but also make the disease worse.  
  
Secondly, many people can easily be taken advantage of and defrauded. There are a lot of scammers who sell poor quality, ineffective and non-healing drugs. It is easy for patients to trust the advertisements of these people and buy drugs of unknown origin leading to adverse health effects. Moreover, people who lack knowledge and information can use drugs and treatment with wrong dosage and method. For example, using more than the prescribed dose will lead to side effects of the drug, reduce the effectiveness of the drug and adversely affect health.  
  
In conclusion, many sick people choose to use drugs and medicines and do not visit their doctor. Personally, I think this is a negative issue that has a bad effect on patient's health because they may use wrong medicines and treatment, be tricked into buying poor quality drugs and use drugs with wrong dosage.  
  
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[~~quote=pttrang]there are[/quote]~~  
Use a direct statement in this portion. There is no need for this referencing phrase since the total statement develops a clearer discussion reference when this phrase is removed from the sentence.  
  
The writer's opinion was off to a good start. It clearly indicated his opinion as being opposed to the given statement. All that was missing were the 2 summarized reasoning topics to help add strength and logic to the opinion. By a dding the 2 reasons, the summarized discussion presentation will have been met and given additional points by the examiner.  
  
There are many reasons that people should visit their doctor and limit use of unknown drugs and treatment  
This could have been used as the thesis statement in the opinion presentation. It is unnecessary to present this additional opinion in the reasoning paragraph.  
  
Points will be deducted from the concluding summary because the writer went from an opinion of certainty to an uncertain opinion by adding the word "think" to the sentence. As such he has contradicted his previous presentation and created a less than accurate opinion discussion. Avoid all words of uncertainty and contradiction that will affect the final opinion presentation.
## Human risk-taking attitude

  
  
It is obvious that risk-taking is inevitable when making decisions but most people have a tendency not to take risks in their lives. In my opinion, despite taking hazards may have some negative aspects, I believe they are outweighed by the opportunities of taking risks.  
  
To begin with, when making risky decisions, several problems can be anticipated.  
The chance of loss should be considered because any risks can bring unexpected consequences in life. The reason is that not everyone has the ability to handle the arising issues after risking their property or time to achieve something. As a result, such failures can reduce motivation, wealth, and prestige. For example, employees quitting their positions attempt to set up their own enterprises but this may lead to various challenges. Therefore, it is inevitable to go out of business if they do not have enough expertise or financial prowess.  
  
On the other hand, it is obvious that risk-taking can materialize one's dream. Individuals being content with their positions in society usually lose the chance to actualize their potential. For example, accepting a more challenging job recommendation may lead to one's career advancement. The new position may acquire new knowledge and skills, but these are the main keys to contributing to one's personal growth. Obviously, the more ambitious the decision, the greater the rewards.  
  
Moreover, even when people can not achieve their goals after taking risks, failure will still be a valuable lesson for them to be able to cope with the upcoming challenges.  
  
In conclusion, risk-taking brings merits, albeit fifty-fifty percent of the success. I still hold my view that the potential hazards are outweighed by the upside.
The prompt restatement is inaccurate because it does not refer to the original discussion. Rather it offers an immediate discussion based on the writer's personal opinion. By indicating that something is "obvious" when it was not stated as such in the original prompt, the examiner will realize that the author has made an error in restating the topic, which led to the incorrect and failing interpretation of the original text. That will cause an accuracy failure in the preliminary score.  
  
As far as the actual response opinion, it is acceptable and direct to the point even though the grammar used is not very strong. However, it does not present the professional and personal benefit / advantage of taking risks as a part of the required short topic discussion presentation. The opinion presentation is incomplete which will not be good for the accuracy score of that section either.  
  
ESL students always make the mistake of using the phrase "On the other hand" without first referring to "On the one hand". this is grammatically incorrect and confuses the reader, which will have a negative GRA effect. The writer tried to do a good job of explaining himself but his incorrect transition methods are what affected that score. The paragraph transitions cause confusion for the reader, which leads to several readings of unclear text.  
  
The stand alone 4th paragraph is unnecessary in this discussion as well. The standard format for an A/D essay is 4 paragraphs, not 5. 5 paragraphs compose the optional format of the discuss both views + personal opininion presentation. The writer shows that he does not have a clue about how to properly format Task 2 essays so he should work on that familarization early on. Response format correctness is vital to the final score of the task 2 essay.
## norbiton industrial area now and in the future

  
  
The maps illustrate an area industrialized with factories in the town of Norbiton and a design for future upgradation of the site. Overall, there is expected to be a construction of accommodations with other community facilities for villagers.  
  
To begin with, all the town factories are planned for demolishment to make place for the modification. The primary one is the development of the transportation system, which constructed extra road branches from the big roundabout to the east and north sigh of Norbiton town. In the north of Norbiton, there will be an erection of a bridge crossing the river, while a small roundabout will be built at the T-junction in the south of the town.  
  
Consequently, the construction of accommodations is planned to conduct along the road branches. Besides housing area in the internal, the town is predicted to have a dwelling area next to the farmland to the north of the river which is crossed by the north route. Additionally, a school at the end of the west route is planned to establish in the future development to serve students in the town. Between the river and the housing area on the west, there will be an establishment of a playground which is connected by a path from the west road. Finally, a shopping center and a medical center are predicted to be constructed to the southeast and southwest of the main roundabout respectively.  
  
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A task 1 essay cannot have more than 200 words written since there is a 20 minute writing limitation. This is the short writing task and should be completed in 180- 200 words. Use a timer to keep track next time. To score well in this test, he must beable to use specific descriptive words that can quickly be understood as an explanation by the reader. Each paragraph must be short but informative. Do not spend more than 20 minutes on the task since time will be deducted from the 40 minuter for the task 2 essay.  
  
The description is highly precise but too wordy. An essay can be descriptive by being more direct, avoiding unnecessary references or sentence lengthens when not necessary. Every sentence presented is unnecessarily long. The miter should practice editing his text to create instant clarity in the presentation.
This is my subject:  
***Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their freetime to help the local community.  
They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole.***  
## Do you agree or disagree?

  
  
Many people believe that it is essential for juveniles to involve in volunteering work for their local society as this might be beneficial to both teenagers and their community. From my perspective, I strongly agree with this statement for the following reasons.  
  
To begin with, taking part in volunteering work is likely to help youngsters enhance themselves. This includes providing them the fundamental soft skills they need for their own life. To illustrate, while working as volunteers, they can have a chance to cooperate with each other, which may develop their teambuilding and communication skills. Furthermore, doing voluntary job could also broaden teenagers' circle of friends. As long as there is enough time for working and supporting each other, the young could gradually grow a good relationship, which might last for quite long.  
  
Second of all, the whole community can gain many advantages of teenagers' doing unpaid work in their freetime. If many young people are engaged in these kinds of work, chances are that they may improve residents' living standards. For instance, when the young join hands in clearing the streets everyday after school, then the whole surrounding areas would be fresher and the level of pollution could be substantially reduced. Therefore, people in the neighboring zones may seize more opportunity to live in an environmentally-friendly livelihood.  
  
To conclude, I think that youngsters' doing voluntary work can boast their soft skills, increase mutual relationships with each other and make the community worth living.
Good work on the prompt restatement. It is simple in presentation but still changed enough to not make the examiner believe that a cut and paste presentation was used. The writer's opinion could have been strengthened by including the 2 topics that you consider to be the supporting reason. I advise that students do this whenever possible because the accuracy of the opinion will be scored based on the clarity of the reason. Therefore, an opinion should include a discussion outline to allow for clearer opinion referencing. Consider it a summarized discussion point that will benefit the final score.  
  
The proprietarial apostrophe is constantly misused in this essay. The writer is trying to reference the plural form of certain words. Adding an apostrophe does not create a plural form, it creates a proprietarial reference instead. That is incorrect punctuation usage in reference to grammar representation. For the plural form of words a +S is usually all that is required. Unless the word needs to be spelled differently to create the plural form (e.g. Goose = Geese).  
  
As far as connected discussion points, the points provided are well developed and show a connection between paragraphs. However, the cohesive phrases that should connect the paragraphs are incorrect. One must first say "First of all" before one can use the corresponding reference "Second of all".
Hi,  
I think that in your conclusion, using "**boast** their soft skills" is inappropriate. I checked the dictionary beforehand to see the meanings of the word "boast" and it said that "boast" has two meanings. Firstly, "boast" means speaking too proudly or happily about what you have done or what you own. Secondly, "boast" means having or owing something you are proud of. So using "boast their soft skills" is unsuitable. You should use "develop their soft skills", "sharpen their soft skills" or "boost their soft skills" instead because "develop", "sharpen" and "boost" all mean to improve something.  
  
I also think that using "**increase** mutual relationships" is unsuitable. It sounds more natural if you use "build", "develop", or "improve" with the word "relationship". Actually, I don't really know why this is the case. I just never see anyone or any sentence uses "increase the relationship". I guess that because "increase" means to make something become larger in amount or size but no one uses " a large relationship" or "a small relationship", so maybe that's why it's wrong to use "increase mutual relationships".  
  
I hope this helps. Keep up your good work.
## Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams

  
  
Taking part in sports has numerous benefits. However, there are two points of view are given about that. People argue about playing multiplayer sports like football or Individual sports such as swimming is better. In my opinion, I believe that both sports types can provide people with a variety of benefits and that they should choose the appropriate type of sport for them.  
  
On the one hand, an advantage of team sports is that they can develop interpersonal skills for individuals. For example, football allows people to better understand and communicate with each other, which benefits them in the workplace. In addition, improving the sense of unity, and friendship between teammates makes them more responsible, and more enthusiastic when working.  
  
On the other hand, playing individual sports like swimming or tennis also has its benefits. Individual sports provide more opportunities for people to improve their skills, such as emotion management or self-esteem. Because no one can assist single players during a match, they must work hard to overcome any setbacks they may face to achieve their goals. For instance, swimmers have to practice really hard to achieve high results like winning an Olympics medal.  
  
In conclusion, both team sports and single one have their own benefits, people should choose the sport they are most interested in playing.
The writer has not written enough words to merit a passing score. At 217 words where 250 is the minimum consideration, the writer has not provided enough samples of his writing skills, logical thinking, and discussion abilities to convince the examiner that he can function in an English academic setting. The lack of proper English grammar, sentence formation, and understandable (not confusing) English sentences are highly evident in this essay, all of which will add to the reasons that the writer cannot be considered for a base passaing score.  
  
The opening paraphrase alone contains several sentences of confusing thought presentations. My guess is, the writer is thinking in his native tongue and then translating it word for word in English, which is why some essential English words necessary for proper explanations are missing.  
  
As far as the actual discussion is concencerned, the writer does not completely develop the dual aspect of the viewpoints to help clarify the public and personal opinions He is only explaining based on his own perceptions of the topic. It is this lack of dual sided considerations that also prevented him from achieving the word count requirement. If only writes from only a personal opinion perspective, the essay will be considered under developed and lacking in substance. It means the writer did not understand what discussion format and topic opinions should be present in the task.  
  
The writer has good personal opinions but the essay demands more evidence of the validity of his opinion. Something that is achieved only be proving that the other side of the discussion, the public opinion as understood and explained by the writer, in comparison to his own. When a true comparison of opinions exist, the writing requirement has been met. That is not the situation in this case.
## The employment of first-year teachers

  
  
The line graph gives the information about the proportion of the employment of first-year teachers by year of graduation in Ontario from 2001 to 2007. Overall, the percentage of English-language teachers fell down dramatically, while the figure for French-language teachers fluctuated and hit the highest point in 2007. In addition, English-language instructors saw the greatest decrease over the period.  
  
As for teachers who taught English, the percentage of them had a sharp decrease from 73% to 40% in the period of 2001 - 2003. Since then to 2005, the number of new graduates who found jobs in teaching English slightly increased to approximately 43% (2005). However, it began to dip again to 32% and 28% in 2006 and 2007, respectively.  
  
Regarding new graduates who worked as French teachers, the proportion of them was 70% which lower than that of English teachers recruitment in 2001. There was a decrease in the percentage of the employment of new French teachers in 2002, about 53%. The number of French new graduate teachers then surpassed the number of English teachers after 2002 and fluctuated between 2003 and 2006. In 2007, the highest figure was recorded for French instructors with nearly 73%.  
  
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The summary could use some clarification points. For starters, there should be an indicator of 2 lines running through the graph, which represent different measurement focus. It should also represent the information that the data presented is in relation to permanent jobs for the teachers. This is an important point that was highlighted in the description and should therefore, be given special attention in the report. If possible, indicate the line graph color differentiations as well.  
  
As for  
The paragraph cannot start with this reference since there was no previous comparison point for the presentation. There are certain opening phrases that can only be used after a previous presentation. The writer should become familiar with these phrases and use it properly next time.
***The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and ammount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019.***  
  
## Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

  
  
The line graphs demonstrate not only the proportion of possessing various tools powered by electricity but also how long it took people in a nation to do chores throughout a century long duration from 1920. Overall, it is depicted in the first picture all three figures grew, and most equipments had been fulfilled in houses other than the laundry device. Meanwhile, via the second one, a downward trend could be witnessed in the amount of housework time.  
  
In terms of electical appliances, washing machines were previously the most popular equipment among all and doubled their statistic in the end, but they were outnumbered by the other two in 2019. This increment was too minimal compared with those of the vacuum washer and the fridge which both had rocketed and reached 100% in 1980 and 20 years later, respectively. Noticeably, this had yet been obtained by the laundry property.  
  
Glancing at the second chart, it is highlighted that surveyees had been taking a smaller part in accomplishing chores. Their number of working hours spent a week had plummeted by more than half from 50 hours until 1960 when the changes were not as significantly as before, and the data was kept quite stable between 10 and 20 for the next 5 decades. (209)  
  
I am wondering if my grammar structure is comprehensive enough because sometimes I feel I overwrite sentences. I will also be very grateful for your feedback!  
  
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How many line graphs were presented? Identify the number early on. When referencing the trends in the specific statement, use a shortened reference to the actual images instead of saying "First" and "Second" image. That does not inform the reader clearly. Identify the use of the image then the pertinent information. Keep in mind that the reader will not have a copy of the image so being specific about particular information is a must.  
  
Never ask the reader to look at the image for any reason. This is related to the reason I previously mentioned. They cannot see the image for themselves. This essay is all about how quick but informative the writer can be. Overwriting is caused by the focus of the student on proving his English vocabulary instead of the clear information delivery. Focus on the latter and avoid trying to fill the word count with non-essential references.
## renewable energy usage numbers

  
  
Presented for consideration is a line graph illustrating the usage of total sustainable energy in 6 countries between 1971 and 2006.  
  
From an overall perspective, there was an increase in the use of renewable energy in almost all countries except for Finland, with the US witnessing the most dramatic rise. Despite this, the UK consistently had the lowest use throughout the period.  
  
Looking at the graph in more detail, the usage of sustainable energy in Denmark commenced the period at 15%, after which it saw a slight rise to about 17, 5% in 2011. Similar change, but to lesser extents, which grew from 8% to almost 15% and from only 1% to around 6% respectively.  
  
The usage in energy which could be inexhaustible had a significant jump to exceed France and Denmark prior to reaching a peak at nearly 18% at the end of the period. Meanwhile, Finland had experienced a downward tendency until it went up again in 1991 and consistently was the highest use of all countries.  
  
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When indicating the summary overview, never forget to list the complete names of information sources. In this case, indicate all 6 countries to help create an understandable trending statement. The current presentation had the potential to be an effective descriptive summary if not for that small oversight.  
  
The writer made sure to accurately report on all of the obvious points in the essay. That is good and will be well scored. However, the analysis aspect is missing from the discussion. Reviewing the graph will show that there are overlapping areas or areas where the measurements are almost equal because the lines touch but do not overlap. These are the analysis presentations that should have been present to achieve the highest possible C+C score.