dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## you need a time off, so write a letter to your manager

  
  
*You are studying for a qualification, and you would like some time off work to complete it.  
Write a letter to your manager. In your letter:  
·Ask for some time off to complete a qualification.  
·Suggest what you will do later at work if you have time off.  
·Say how the qualification helps your job or company.*  
  
Dear Sir,  
  
With due respect, I am writing to apply for 25 days leaves from work to attend my final semester sessions of Certified Public Accountant course from California University.  
  
At the onset, I would like to introduce myself, and I am Jennie Freud one the executives of accounts department having employee Id number A53390 and working under the supervision of Mr Allen Joy. I am expecting some time-off from 15th August 2019 to 10th September 2019 to finish my last session. As California University is strictly professional with their academic rules, therefore I cannot expect any adjustment from them. Hence, I am seeking the above-said furlough leaves from work to attend the tutorials along with exams as they are mandatory for the certification.  
  
Furthermore, Since I already closed the final accounts of the previous financial year with adjustment entries, thus all work had already submitted before the due dates. In order to complete the rest tasks, I will do overtime work after rejoining for at least two hours each day. With extended time strategy, both pending and the current job would be able to finish before next month deadlines. However, the tax deduction would be only constrained during my study leaves, reason being I have given complete notes to Mr Paul, one of the executives of the same department.  
  
Lastly, if you approve my sabbatical, our company would also get benefited in future, as I become authorized to certify international accounts. Additionally, we are also launching foreign accounts outsourcing this year, and fruitfully the human resource department would not require to hire the new applicant. It would cost-effective for our firm as the accounts department would be able to handle both accounting either domestic or overseas.  
  
I look forward to your prompt reply.  
  
Yours faithfully 16.08.2019  
Jennie Freud
@KAURNAVI  
Hello. It's nice to see people constantly coming back to the forum. I hope you find this feedback helpful as always.  
  
While I find that the general flow of composition is alright, the organization of thoughts can still be improved. If you, for instance, introduce yourself first before proceeding to writing extensively, you'll be able to have a firmer introductory paragraph.  
  
Furthermore, I would recommend working on the third paragraph. You appeared to have more run-on content due to how elaborate your writing is. Try to compose with more concise and simpler sentences instead of mashing everything altogether. This will help you write with more intention.  
  
I would recommend retaining as well your last paragraphs. They're sufficient as they are now.
## Writing task 1 of The Ielts exam

  
  
This is the report about ten nations dominating the world in the rice industry in thousands of tons (tot) in 1999.  
Overall, it is evident that on the global scale, 9 of 10 countries came from Asian, whereas there was only the USA. While China experienced the greatest amount of rice planted, the US truly stood at the lowest level.  
  
As is shown by the bar graph, the whole of the rice production in China and India accounted for extremely high degrees (192,971 and 122,244 tot respectively) in 1999. In descending order, such countries as Indonesia, Bangladesh, Viet Nam, Thailand, Malaysia and Japan, achieved figures on a scale from 12 to 47 tot.  
  
In addition to that, it is obvious to clarify Philipines produced nearly 2 tot more rice than the US in the year mentioned
@Hannah Trang  
Hello. Welcome to the forum. I hope you find the feedback helpful. And if you do, you can always come back for more.  
  
Please do note that it would be helpful if you can provide us with a photo of the graph to assist us assessing your written work.  
  
Remember to be consistent when writing academically. This is critical. It is essential that you write with ease by having proper transitions and appropriate pauses. If you do this, you'll immprove the overall flow of writing.  
  
The last paragraph also appears to be quite out of place. You can utilize this space to conclude your writing clearer. Doing so will help readers fully understand the context you're working with.
## summarise the information from the table

  
  
My Essay:  
The table provide data on the percentage of people taking part in 7 sports in a country of Europe over a period of 10 years  
  
It is clear that football is by far the most popular sport through out the period shown. Also, there was a gradually increase in the the proportion of people joining in 4 out of the 7 sports, namely Tennis, Swimming, Golf and Yoga  
  
In 1999, football took up the largest proportion , at 57% and decreased slightly from 2004 to 2009, at 52% and 48% respectively but it remained the first out of the 7 sports . In addition, There was a steadily fall in the percentage of basketball players, by 1% every 5 years  
  
Golf was the least popular sport in 1999, at 8% and Yoga was only 2% higher ,at 10%.However, the percentage of golf players rose to 13%,was 3% higher than Yoga over the following 5 years . It was noticeable that the figures of Golf and Yoga players rose to 17% and 13% in 2009 respectively but they were also the least favourite sports among 7 those names in the list over the 10-year period  
  
*
@ronaldocr9803  
Hi. Welcome to the forum! I hope you find this feedback helpful. If you do, you can come back for more.  
  
In general, I find that your writing needs a little bit work in terms of structure. Notice how you lacked the proper utilization of punctuation marks throughout. I would recommend being cautious of appropriate pauses. Observe the second paragraph. The two sentences were insufficient to comprise a paragraph. Try to stretch it out.  
  
Your third paragraph had the same concerns. Remember that when you're connecting two sentences, you have to at least have a punctuation as a transitioner. Be cautious of this.  
  
You can improve your writing more by simplifying your structures.
## improve the existing public transportation before developing fast trains

  
  
Dear sir and miss, is it possible for me to get 6.5 from this essay ? or what should I have to improve to get to my target. Thank you.  
  
*Question: In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.*  
  
Answer : From thousand of years, transportation is an important role in human's life. Therefore, there are some debates whereas the government spend a large amount of money to build fast trains which connect two cities or improve existing public transport. From my perspective, I belives that the benefit by improving existing public outweigh fast trains.  
  
To start with improving existing public is a realistic way for the government to give back and respond to the community. As we know, people commute by public transportation on a regular basic. Developing public transportation, in other words, it means upgrades the condition of subway, buses which gives more comfortable for society. For example, as a Canadian student, I am satisfied with the bus system because it has a multitude of buses and bus stops to accomplish the best way for me.  
  
Another reason is public transportation tackles some issue problems such as traffic jam, overconsuming exhaust fume. Due to the numerous of people which the subway and bus carry like more 100 people and 20 people respectively, it reduces private cars are used . For this purpose, the government should expand it to attract more people to transport in this eco-friendly routine. This can be seen if more people go to work and school by bus, more cars which release exhaust fume will be reduced.  
  
On the other hand, fast-train between two cities have a positive impact on the tourist economy. Because of the convenience by train like beautiful landscapes, less noise, most visitors choose this to travel. Thus, building new fast-trains to link two cities will obtain a multitude of money and contribute to the tourist image of the country in the world by promoting new tourist vehicles. To illustrate, Canadian tourist companies have the program travel 4 days in the train from Toronto to Vancouver which has more than 1000 people interested in each summer.  
  
In conclusion, improving existing public transportation protects the environment and provides an efficient routine to commute while a massive amount of money could be invested by building fast trains. I strongly agree that the government must pay attention to improve the existing public transportation before developing fast trains.
Hi, your writing is enjoyable to read but some suggestions are as follows:  
  
1. A few grammatical corrections:  
1) ... transportation ~~is~~ **holds/plays** an important ...  
2) ... on a regular **basis**. ("Basic" is an adjective while "basis" is a noun.)  
3) ... in other words, ~~it~~  means.... ("Is" should be deleted because the sentence already has a subject, "Developing public transportation". )  
  
2. To make essays objective, avoid reference to personal experience and phrases such as "As we know" in academic writings.  
  
3. If I were you, I would explain more why the benefit of improving existing public transportation **overweights** that of developing super fast trains.  
For example:  
1) most people use trams and buses much more frequently than they take trains. So improving existing public transportation would benefit local community more.  
2) Upgrading existing public transport is less expensive than building high-tech trains. Thus with the same amount of money, improving existing public transport would have a greater effect.
## main environmental problem

  
  
I think that we are faced a lot of environmental problems in this generation. One of these troubles is lossing of specific species of plants and animals. But in my own view,it isn't the vital problem.The more important and main problem is climate changing.  
  
There are some people think that the main environmental problem is particular species of plants and animals decreasing.I have to admit it is actually a environmental problem and I think out some reason why these special plants and animals are important for us. If we loss these species like rainforest,we will increasing lack of oxygen which provides us to live.  
  
Some convince that there are more important environmental troubles than the last segment. They may figure out that climate changing is the most major problem in this generation.  
  
In my opinion,I also think that climate changing is more significant than the lossing species of plants and animals. If the temperature continuously increase that will cause sea level raising and we will loss the live space which is covered by sea. We should take some measures about this upcoming problem or we will extinct. Some expert said that we can turn off the light when we are not using,take more transport than drive our own car and reduce our smoking behavior that can decrease carbon dioxide emissions. If everyone can do the there things,we can save more time to professionals who may seek out solutions to solve climate changing.
@f22542727  
Hi! Welcome to the forum. I hope you find this feedback helpful for your writing endeavors. Keep coming back to us if you wish to!  
  
I firstly recommend revising the first sentence due to its lack of precision in text. It's noticeable how this portion appears to be quite forced to be there. I would suggest to create a firmer and stronger opening line through not using an opinion to open up your text. Rather, use a more distinctive written work that'll represent your thesis statement with a bit more creativeness than usual.  
  
From the second paragraph onwards, it's quite noticeable how your essay turned quite sour with the lack of proper punctuation and transitions. Because of this, your writing became a lot more informal. Try to avoid these situations at all times.
With the advent of technology, environmental problems affecting the earth inadequately. One of these troubles is the loss of ...  
But in my ~~own~~ view, ...  
The more critical and foremost issue is climate changing.  
  
~~There are~~ Some people ... is a particular species...  
I have to admit it is an ecological problem ... why these unique plants and animals are essential for us. If we lose these species like a rainforest, we will increase the lack of ...  
  
... there are more critical environmental ...  
They may figure out that climate-changing is the most significant problem in this generation.  
  
... that climate-changing ... than the losing ...  
...continuously increases ... level rising, and we will lose ... by the sea.  
... about this future problem, or we will be extinct.  
... that we could turn off ...  
If everyone can do their things...
## **how the MILK is being processed**

  
  
The diagram illustrates how to produce milk.  
It is clear that there are five main stages in the process, beginning with cow grazing and ending with the final products in shelves of supermarket.  
  
Looking at picture more details, in the initial of stages of the process, cows are fed on grass in grazing land. Fresh milk is collected by a milking machine twice a day before transporting to refrigeration storage. After that, tankers used for delivering refrigeneration mik to Dairy where milk - stable product and secondary products include cheese, cream, butter are produced. The next important step, milk will be pasteurized by high temperature and colled to kill harmful bacteria.  
  
The process finished with packing in bottles and delivering final milk products to supermarket or shops where people could buy them.  
  
*
*this is how I would correct(?) your writing.*  
  
Looking at **the diagram more closely** ~~picture more details~~, **you can see that** in the initial of stages of ...  
... before transporting **them** to **the** refrigeration storage. After that, tankers **are** used for delivering ~~refrigeneration~~ refrigerated milk...  
~~The next important step~~ **In the next procedure**, milk will be ...  
  
**Lastly,**the process **is** finished ~~with~~ **by storing the milk** in bottles and delivering **the** final milk ...  
  
*I'm sorry if there are incorrect parts ^^*
@zigzagboy001  
Hi. Seeing as you already received feedback that's quite technical, I hope to focus more on a general perception of your text to hopefully help you write better.  
  
I have noticed that a lot of your concerns exist within the realm of not knowing or being unsure about the transition of your words. I would recommend trying to simplify your language and attempting to use more concrete transition words to assist you. Words such as *therefore, hereafter, moreover* and alike are still helpful for writing in the long-run.  
  
You can omit unnecessary descriptions also to help you write with more precision. Remember that these words are not essential for your writing, considering that your text needs to be focused on writing with ease.
*The restoration of old buildings in major cities around the world costs enormous amounts of money. This money would be better spent on providing new housing and road development.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?*  
  
## is it worth to save those "ruins"?

  
  
Although proponents are of the notion that ancient buildings need bulk of funds to renovate it if instead of repairing the equal amount could be invested in enlarging upcoming infrastructure projects. I vehemently gainsay with the above assertion. Let us discuss it in detail in the subsequent paragraphs.  
  
Fire and foremost, if the country would demolish the well-designed structures, the history of that nation would lose. To elaborate, since antiquity is one of the indispensable subjects as it serves excellent knowledge along with numerous learning's to survive in future. Not only a new generation can grab the old techniques of making elegant buildings but also get inspiration from their hard work as elderly eminent has made them manually. For instance; Dr Sigmund Freud, a renowned psychologist in his study of human behavior and cognitive skills asserted that historical frameworks served as inspiration for the younger engineers to make incredible structures following their forefather's proficiency.  
  
Additionally, although the monuments are the cornerstone of tourism, the twofold of tourists would be discouraged in the absence of landmark buildings. To substantiate, the economy's huge earning is their globetrotters, they visit their nation to observe the famous antiques, castles and other radical designs to get new experience not only to get the idea of medieval period livelihood but also rejuvenate one's mind with peace and self-satisfaction. If the government would think to demolish ziggurats, the symbol of love and peace would also demise. To illustrate, research overseen by Oxford University over 2500 tourists, disclosed that 75% of tourism had come to perceive the history of that nation.  
  
However, antagonists reckon that the equal amount of renovation needs to save for the application of new infrastructural projects. To explain, since the population is rising with pace, therefore want new buildings and houses for the citizens. When countries have already sufficient funds to launch new facilities, they allocate the budget separately for upcoming amenities every year. Finally, there is no requirement to destroy heritage buildings in the presence of a planned economic forecast.  
  
To encapsulate, it can be concluded that history is paramount for every nation to learn, follow and inspiration from iconic old designs. Rather than considering them insignificant, the administrator should verify the strength of the historic buildings to provide them with a long life.
@KAURNAVI  
Hello. It's great to see how enthusiastic you have been with all of this. I hope you find the feedback to be helpful for your writing endeavors!  
  
I find that the first paragraph is too bulky. I heavily recommend adding in more structure by incorporating a lot of pauses through the usage of punctuation marks. If you do this, you'll be able to structure and pattern your writing with more ease and clarity. Remember that delivery is essential.  
  
I also do not recommend having a lengthy introductory paragraph as this portion should evade clarity to make readers truly understand what is meant by the text. Once you have gotten this out of the way, you'll be able to construct with more ease.
You have seen an advertisement for a community college that needs teachers for night classes.  
  
## Write a letter to the community college.

  
*In your letter:  
  
say which advertisement you are answering  
describe which course(s) you want to teach, and what it/they would be about  
explain why you would be a suitable teacher*  
  
Dear Sir,  
  
With due respect, I am writing this letter to reveal my interest in your advertisement for the post of teacher in the Dome Community College.  
  
At the onset, I saw the vacancy in The Washington Newspaper under the classified section which published on Saturday, 10th August 2019. As per your requirements, I have done Bachelor of Science with eight years of experience from Xavier College, Fremont, California. Since you need a candidate who can join the graveyard sessions along with immediate joining after 18th August 2017, meanwhile I am under notice period which is going to complete on 14th August 2019. Thus, I can join for the vacant position in your prescribed period.  
  
However, you have mentioned vacancy for two posts, one for Bio-Medical course last for two years and another for Botanic Specialist duration for just six months. Furthermore, though I am a veteran in the science field, I would like to apply for Botanic specialist teacher as part of my experience is in research and methodology of plants and seeds. I have seen the prospectus of your college to clarify my doubts before applying for this job, and I am glad to see the assessment bifurcation, which includes 70% practical and 30% theory. I felt excited about the division of syllabus as this subject demands more practical study.  
  
Lastly, I assert that I am entirely appropriate for this work as I am not only fulfilling all the essential traits but also being specialised in a particular practical aspect of this subject. Apart from this, I had achieved the rank in the city's top ten Botanic teachers in 2018 from Edward Award Committee. Moreover, your college is nearby my home, which means night classes would not be a constraint for you to pick and drop facility. In addition to this, I have already submitted all documents online along with appreciation certificates as an additional one. I hope you find my resume interested.  
  
I look forward to hearing from you.  
  
Yours faithfully, 12.08.2019  
Jennie Freud
@KAURNAVI  
Hi. Thanks for returning here! I hope to provide you with writing feedback for your essay.  
  
The introductory paragraph of your essay is sufficient, I would say. You were able to elaborate with confidence and distinctiveness all of the necessary lines. Because of this, transitioning to the major bulk of your essay became easier in the long-run.  
  
There were a few technical issues in the second paragraph still. You were unable to articulate with ease due to the delivery and construction of your sentences. I would heavily recommend trying to curate your details in a more sophisticated and put-together manner in order to assist you in the long-run.  
  
Moreover, I also recommend taking your words step by step to make the process smoother. This means curating simpler sentences to assist you in writing with more clarity.
## four kinds of meat production

  
  
The line chart illustrates the number of four kinds of meat production in million tons around the world from 1950 to 1990. Overall, the production of Pork, Beef/Buffalo, and Poultry increased noticeably, while Sheep/Goats were produced steadily over the period.  
  
In the beginning of the period, Pork and Beef/Buffalo started just below 20 million tons and Poultry stood at 5 million tons. By 1960, there was a significant growth of Beef/Buffalo until finally it overtook Pork's position for around 40 million tons in 1970. However, Pork's production went up sharply, leaving Beef/Buffalo under and reached the highest amount of production in 1990 by 60 million tons. Moreover, Poultry production had a moderately rise in the first 30 years and it climb dramatically in the last decade for approximately 30 million tons.  
  
The different trend has been show by Sheep/Goat's production, which it stood at 5 million tons in 1950 and remained stable during first 30 years. Futhermore, there was a slight growth for around 1 million ton in the last 10 years.  
  
*
the way you have compiled you answer is good and there is no significant error in it but i spotted a few grammar mistakes  
1- 2 nd para 3rd line you write "leaving beef/buffalo under" although "BEHIND" would be a better word in place of "under"  
2- 2nd para 4th line, "had a moderate rise" is correct instead of "had a moderately rise"  
3- Again in the same line "climbed" is correct instead of "climb" as you are writing in the past tense