dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## 1. Nowadays online shopping is extremely popular.

  
[b]*Discuss the impact of it on the environment and on people who lost their jobs because of it.*/b]  
  
The ubiquitous spread of online shopping has recently posed a large-scale threat to our society. While we could not deny the fact that this trend can reap insurmountable economic benefits, it is believed to have an overwhelming detrimental impact on the environment, not to mention the unemployment rate.  
  
To begin with, although online shopping per se has several so-called multifold advantages, its significant downsides to the environment cannot be excluded. With the spiraling of purchasing on the web, there exists a dire need for packaging materials to courier their goods. Therefore, a surge in plastic and paper usage for fulling such online orders is undoubtedly inevitable. This would negatively affect the green cover of the Earth with mounting wastes strewing all over, leading to several catastrophic environmental phenomena in the foreseeable future.  
  
Secondly, local shops which used to be the main supplies of goods, now facing a probability of shutting down their outlets. This is because the advent of online shopping enables customers to have infinite choices, which available in even inaccessible locations, whereas the traditional could only provide them limited products. Moreover, this superefficient shopping habit guaranteed that clienteles would own a similar quality product with lower prices in comparision with local goods, leading to numerous salesmen being unemployed and having to fight to justify their relevance in this hypermodern and advanced technological era.  
  
From the arguments given, I firmly believe that online shopping has a damaging effect on our planet along with the financial aspects of several employees and employers. Given the odd nature of our contemporary affair, we will have to create an ad hoc committee to propose solutions to the problem.
This essay will be deemed only partially responsive to the task. That is because this 4 paragraph essay is missing the loss of job discussion paragraph. The format is:  
  
- Paraphrase  
- Environmental impact  
- Loss of jobs  
- Concluding summary  
  
Your essay focused only the environmental aspect. You only mentioned the loss of jobs, without a discussion in the concluding part, which, by the way, doesn't follow the proper format for a concluding paragraph. So, without the concluding paragraph, the essay will be deemed to be open ended, which means you will lose considerable points due to 2 avoidable errors in the discussion presentation.  
  
Try to use topic sentences to kick off your paragraphs. Your presentations tend to be very long winded and almost senseless because you spend all the time introducing the topic instead of discussing the topic sentence reasons in the paragraph. Don't focus on just the vocabulary and word count, focus on the quality of the content and clarity of your explanation instead. One topic sentence = 4 justification sentences. That means a total of 5 related sentences in every paragraph.
## destructive to the younger generation?

  
  
***Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?***  
  
Social networking sites, for example Facebook, are considered by many people have had a destructive impact to the younger generation such as children and teenager, adult and also influence people in society. Even though, I believe that consuming too much social media will bring psychological damage to the human behavior, but for limited interaction, Facebook and other social networking sites will increase relationship between individual.  
  
Before social networking sites made available, it was hard to communicate if the range between individuals span too long. Social networking sites make the communication more effective and faster to connect between locations. Not only for communication media, social networking such as Facebook and Instagram can also be the new source of income as the sites enable people to sell and buy things. This new trend brings out also new occupation such as media influencer.  
  
However, accessing too much social media will bring effect to the brain's ability to perform. Performance of attention will be lowered as human is interested into notification, they will check their gadget immediately as soon as the ping ringing. Apart of that, from my own view, focusing ability of individual will also decrease when they keep turning their attention whenever the notification alert.  
  
On another side, due to high consumption on social media, people sometime neglecting other presents when gathering. They are more focus to interact using social media, than keep the conversation alive through direct conversation and discussion.  
  
In my personal view, I think that social networking sites bring more harm than good to individuals and society. Approaching the idea through brain function, spending too many hours on social networking sites, will lower the attention span of individuals. Many direct social interactions will also be depleted if people decided to connect more through online platform.
Where is your response to the question:  
  
*To what extent do you agree?*  
  
The response to this question should have been the last sentence in your prompt paraphrase. What I do read in your prompt paraphrase is that you changed the discussion of the essay. You went from an extent of agreement of disagreement to a reference to:  
  
*I believe that consuming too much social media will bring psychological damage to the human behavior, but for limited interaction, Facebook and other social networking sites will increase relationship between individual.* That is not the topic being discussed in the essay.  
  
You were being asked to discuss the essay based on a measured agreement or disagreement of the given statement. You decided to discuss damage to human behavior instead. So the reviewer will see this prompt deviation and consider the essay response totally unrelated to the task. Which means, the TA section of this essay will automatically receive a score of 1. Thus ending your quest to achieve a 5 minimum band score. I won't even have to review the other errors as presented in your essay because, those deductions will further lower your score to the point where you really can't go above the 1 band score consideration.
## Lowering the crime rate

  
  
Some people believe that in order to reduce crime, prisoners should be given longer prison sentence while some people think there are other alternative ways. Discuss the both viewpoints and give your opinion.?  
  
It is argued that to control offenses offenders should be confined in prison for a longer duration, while others believe that different options are available to tackle this problem. I believe that there are some criminal acts where offenders should be given severe punishment, however, rehabilitation is another way to help criminals become a productive member of the society.  
  
On the one hand, prison sentences should be determined after considering the nature of the crime. That is to say, offenders who perpetrated heinous crimes such as murder, rape, and kidnapping should be given longer custodial sentences, this will deter others who have the intent of committing the same vicious/horrendous criminal act. For instance, in the late nineteenth century, Michael garter was found guilty for murdering twenty women in London and was given a life sentence. This action reduced the number of serious crimes significantly in that city. Nevertheless, certain people who are engaged in horrific crimes should have a longer jail sentence, others can be given a chance to recuperate.  
  
On the other hand, criminals who commit petty crimes such as shoplifting, vandalism, and disorderly conduct, should be given the opportunity to reform themselves. Sending offenders who committed minor offenses to rehabilitation is a better option as it allows them to reflect on their actions and learn new skills that will help them to become a better person. For instance, a research conducted by the University of California found that that the trend of recommitting offense among people with minor felon decline by 40% after the state introduce rehab program to help prisoners reform themselves. Therefore, I believe that criminals should be given a chance to change their ways.  
  
In conclusion, although the term of imprisonment should be longer for offenders with terrible crimes, whereas rehabilitation people with minor crimes
Your restated prompt approach is incorrect. The proper presentation requires that you inform the reader of the two points of view and instructions for the discussion. To illustrate:  
  
*There is a discussion regarding the topic of how to lower the felonies being committed by the public. Certain advocates promote the thought that a lengthier stay in the penitentiary will help solve the problem. However, there are people who oppose this ideology because they believe that substitute punishment methods would have better results. I believe that both suggestions have certain merits that need to be considered. Based on these merits, I will be able to create a supporting opinion for one of the two suggested action methods.*  
  
You have to always restate the prompt topic, discussion points, and discussion instructions in every introduction. Do this using no less than 3 but no more than 5 sentences to get the maximum TA score for your work.  
  
This is a 5 paragraph essay based on the following paragraph format:  
- Paraphrase  
- POV 1  
- POV 2  
- Personal opinion  
- Summary of discussion / Conclusion  
  
You failed to use words that connote the public point of view per idea prior to your personal opinion being presented. Therefore, the essay changed from a comparative with opinion discussion to a personal point of view discussion. This will result in points deductions for the discussion areas not properly represented in your essay. Your concluding paragraph does not follow the above mentioned format for restating the discussion points towards the end of the essay. So you will not get a very high score for this essay. There are too many discussion elements missing for it to get maximum scoring consideration based on the 4 scoring criteria.
## "Aquaman - King of Atlantis"

  
  
"Aquaman- King of Atlantis" is a miraculous action film by James Wan director. The film is set in the Atlantic Ocean and tells a story about the adventure finding the throne of a man. Jason Momoa plays the lead roles as Aquaman, the hybrid child of ocean and land, the heir of Atlantis. Amber Heard is Mera, a strong and intelligent princess. And the villain of the film is Ocean Master- King Orm, acted by Patrick Wilson.  
  
When Aquaman was a child, he was grown up in the land by his father. As a teenager, he started to go to the sea and learn how to utilize his inner-power from the uncle in the ocean royal family. Under the ocean, King Orm falls in love with Mera princess. When Aquaman comes back to the ocean, Mera loves him at first sight. The film reaches the dramatic climax when the love and throne competition between Aquaman and King Orm starts. Finally, all the ocean citizens are persuaded to respect Aquaman as a King of Atlantis because he finds the way using the strongest power of the ocean- the loyal stick. The film gives prominence to family love and couple love. Besides, through the ocean war, the film also educates about the environment by showing the consequence of the angry nature.  
  
The cast is excellent, each scene in the film brings the opportunities for the players to show their act talents. The film is full of monumental scenes as undersea life. Besides, the music in the film is worth billions.  
  
"Aquaman- King of Atlantis" is a film well worth seeing. This is a great attractive and satisfying film about superhuman.
IELTS does not do film review essays. The exam takers will not necessarily have all seen the movie prior to the test so the IELTS team limits its exam questions to listening or visual tests based on short TED talks, news paper reports or opinions, and other similar conferences and seminars. You made a mistake with your choice of review format. Next time, listen to a TED talk instead. That type of test will be for IELTS Task 1. I cannot score you on a test that does not have a proper set of instructions based on an actual IELTS test setting. I will however, correct some grammar mistakes in your work.  
  
Remember, use proper Task 1 and Task 2 prompts for your review. Don't make your own topics up. That is not the proper way to review because you do not know how to format the questions for such tests. You will not learn anything if you do not follow the proper way of writing essay practice tests.  
  
The main problem with your sentences will be in the faulty grammar range and sentence structures. It would be in your best interest to begin writing English sentences, without any essay prompts for now. Just do sentence structure and grammar range exercises for the time being. Unless you learn to properly format these sentences and use the proper vocabulary for the sentences, you will end up losing major points in the GRA, LR, and C&C sections.  
  
An IELTS test is never a narrative of a movie. It is always an analysis of data, a letter, a listening summary, an opinion paper, or an assessment presentation, to name but a few types of IELTS tests. It will never be a movie review.
## Vacations in luxury resorts

  
  
It can be demonstrated by recent survey that nowadays, many vacationers tend to have a holiday in luxury resorts rather than traveling around to experience about the culture. Meanwhile, from 1960s to 1970s, tourists was interested in broadening their knowledges about culture where they went. There are multiple reasons to explain this trend, and there are significant changes between tourists nowadays and tourists in the past.  
  
There are some reasons why holidaymakers like staying in hotel. However,the first answer is about their safety.In lieu of going everywhere with many dangers around, vacationers like enjoying in the resorts because they are protected by the security services. For example, when travelling,you can get in the trouble with tourist traps such as virtual ticket that make many people lose money or you can face the risk of robbery,chopping price, having an accident,etc.Moreover,exploring culture is not suitable for family vacation because it is too dangerous for children and old people.  
  
The second reason is that tourists want to relax, not explore.At the moment, holidaymakers just want to get away from the city to chill out after working hard so the convenience of the luxury hotel is the best choice for them to loosen up their tension.Luxury resorts can meet all criteria of the vacationers..About food,they have amazing in-house restaurants and bars. Because of that, you don't have to go far for food and save time for doing another activities. Especially,hotels have lots of amenities like TV,spacious desk,minibar,towels,slippers,etc.Because of that, you do not have to prepare anything except clothes and money . Also its convenience and material adequacy make customer feel like at home and they do not to go outside.  
  
In the past, people used many kind of transportation that were very cheap like bus, steam train. It would take people a lot of time to get there, especially when you travel very far.After a long day of travelling by public transport, everyone tend to feel tired and is not fine enough to enjoy their vacation anymore.About fees , the fee of a tour that you have to pay is actually cheaper than at the moment , because it did not comprise some well-done services to provide you a perfect trip like now such as accommodation,insurance fee,transportation fees,meals,visa,... also known as package tour. However,the prices maybe increase if you travel by yourself.Moreover,since the increasing of global tourism affected the economic prosperity,people have created many amazing inventions ,espeacially e-commerce websites liken Agoda,Tripvisor,etc so you can booking rooms online. Life and travelling at this moment is more modern and convenient than the past .  
  
In my conclusion,the result from increased tourism partly changed the travelling style of resident.Because of that, there are many differences between the past and now.
Since this is your first essay for the Task 2 portion of the IELTS test, I will assume that you do not know that there is a 40 minute time limit for completing this task. As such, you cannot write 400 plus words for this given prompt. You should be writing only between 250-290 words or. About 15-20 sentences for the 4 paragraph structured essay, no more than 25 sentences for the 5 paragraph structure. That means, you write no more than 5 sentences per paragraph.  
  
You over-analyzed the topic for this discussion instead of following the normal format as provided for this test. To be clear, the format is:  
  
Introduction  
- Prompt rephrasing of the discussion topic  
- Reasons for the discussion ( sometimes requires 2 sentences)  
- Your direct response to the prompt without offering specific opinions yet.  
  
The Reasoning / body of paragraphs are composed of 2-3 paragraphs depending on the discussion requirement. The standard format is:  
- Topic sentence  
- Explanation 1  
- Example  
- Explanation 2  
- Transition Sentence  
  
The concluding paragraph is composed of:  
- A new restatement of the discussion topic  
- A compressed discussion of reasons  
- A restatement of your opinion  
- Closing sentence or restatement of proposed solutions  
  
This essay is good, but does not follow the proper format and discussion guidelines. You would have run out of time in the actual test setting. Try to work with a timer next time. For now, I will not review this for content or mistakes since it did not follow the instructions and, it is your first time writing such an essay. I'll give you a pass this time. I hope to see another essay from you that follows the protocols for writing so I can give you a proper review of your work.
## entrepreneurs concern for society's issues

  
  
It is not deniable that making profit is a vital factor for all of entrepreneurs. While they seem to almost concern about their sale figures, I would ague that they need to responsible for society's issues.  
  
It has been clear that profit increasing is an indirect way to contribute for society. Firstly, It is the best way to resolves unemployment problems in the local community. Industry companies which make more money will need more laborers to work in their factories. It is an evident that Samsung corporation have hired more than fifty percent normal employees to expand their mass production in Bacninh provice. Furthermore, these big companies with high their profit will also contributed to increase economy of community where they are located. Because a part of their profit must be paid income tax for government, these might use to improve local infracturer like schools, public clinics or social welfares.  
  
However, I also believe that businesses should spend a mount of their budget to solve society's problems. Take environment for an example, manufacturers could spend their money to build water treatment before releasing to nature. It not only help the environment around areas became more fresh, but also help these companies develop sustanablely. In addition, they should have a funding to support poor-excellent students in education. Giving them opportunities an apprenticeship in their company could advertise their image to society, and provide available high-quality-labors for manufacturing in the local community.  
  
In conclusion, it is true that the business's aim is making more profit, but it would have been brought more value for them if they had responsible for socical issues.
The question is based on agree or disagree, why are you arguing? Examiners hate it when the exam taker uses exaggerated language in the essay. It tells them that you understood the essay question but, you are trying to impress them with your knowledge of English words. Just provide a straightforward response to the question being asked. So, do you agree or disagree? The response is as simple as "I agree that businesses should consider their social responsibilities because of a few factors." You don't have to argue, all these essays are mere "discussions". Do not use exaggerated words. It is not required and is instead, frowned upon.  
  
Never start a sentence with "because". The word "because" is a connecting word. It is used to connect 2 related discussions in one sentence. It is never used to start a sentence because there is no topic previous to it since there is a period preceding it. The period indicates the end, instead of a continuation of the sentence. As such, there is no previous topic to connect to the last discussion presentation in the sentence.  
  
Now, for this type of essay, you should not be doing a comparison discussion. It must be a single discussion that defends your stand on the matter. The essay does not ask you to "compare both ideas and give an opinion" so do not compare the ideas. Just stick to your personal opinion of the given topic and use first person pronouns throughout the essay to show that you are discussing things from a personal perspective.  
  
The conclusion could have been better. It could have been longer if you had properly summarized your reasoning paragraphs aside from just the portions you wanted to present as a concluding fact.
## similarities between nations

  
  
***My Essay:***  
It is a fact that there are increasingly many similarities between nations for the reason that any person can purchase equivalent merchandise from around the globe. This phenomenon, as know as globalization, has been becoming a trend thanks to its practical economic benefits. Nevertheless, almost everything has its price, it's difficult to avoid the potential risk behind it.  
  
It is clear that internationalization facilitates economic and trade cooperation, hence promote competition between industries in all countries. For example, someone can buy cars from every brand such as Toyota, Mercedes, etc. right in their homeland without import tax and don't need to travel to the distant countries of manufacture. Consequently, either domestic or foreign car-makers must incessantly change and improve its design as well as technology in order to enhance competitiveness from which we can get better choices of products with higher quality as well as in affordable price.  
  
Furthermore, it promotes cultural exchange, thus it improves the mental life of people. For instance, everyone can wear any types of fashion style, eat any traditional dishes from other countries right in their fatherland.  
  
In contrast, universalization is not without consequences. It can cause a loss of cultural identity and diversity, in particular the confusion between cultures. To illustrate, there many building in my country draped in a mess of architecture style, such as a hybrid of old and new, western and eastern, etc.  
  
Besides, as we have been experiencing, the difficult-to-control spread of COVID-19 being causing the hundreds of thousands of casualty over the world is to some degree due to globalisation. So, we need to have a measure to ensure epidemiological safety, even applying the closed-door policy for a while if necessary.  
  
Altogether, globalisation has been making life more comfortable than in the past, although there are some issues to resolve. So, I hope this trend will progressively be accepted by everyone soon.  
  
*(312 words)*  
  
*