dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
A personal opinion should not be presented int he introduction paraphrase because there isn't enough sentence space left for you to explain your opinion. The opinion is always presented as the first, second, or third body paragraph in the main discussion. If you compare the original prompt to your prompt response, you will see that you delivered an incomplete paraphrase of the discussion:  
  
*OP: Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.  
YP: I suggest that people should base on the situations they are facing with to decide which way they should solve it.*  
  
The correction presentation for this paraphrase section would be:  
  
*When faced with problematic developments in relation to finances or work activities, there are some people who will have a defeatist attitude and accept what they believe cannot be changed. While there will be those who believe that such circumstances can be positively resolved. It is important that I discuss both points of view in order to present my own assessment of the topic.*  
  
Note that the way I wrote the introduction properly paraphrased all of the important aspects of the prompt, while focusing on creating a GRA and LR boost through the use of synonyms in the introduction. These are very important to accomplish early on in the essay to boost your TA and overall score.  
  
If you are offering an opinion, then you cannot make a suggestion. Rather, you can offer an opinion based on your personal belief. So instead of "strongly suggest", you could instead say "I strongly believe" in support of your opinion.
## the knowledge about foreign culture

  
  
People today often use the Internet to learn about the culture of other countries. This means that it is not that important to travel to other countries. To what extent do you agree of disagree with this opinion?  
  
In recent decades, many people have started to learn a new culture from the Internet rather than through traveling. Although some traditional learners would oppose this studying method, the use of the Internet has brought various benefits for cultural learners.  
  
There are a number of reasons why studying culture online could benefit learners. First, since the performance of the Internet connection has been improved, this had led to the popularity in digital education. In fact, online courses could supply learners all source of knowledge from the basics to the advances, with a reasonable joining fee. Second, it is true that with the help of the Internet, global citizens have a great opportunity to get in touch together. Social media, for instance, is considered as a place for exploring other country's cultures since users can have a chance to communicate with foreigners, which can gain valuable information about it.  
  
Another reason that encourages people to move to online learning is because of the price and time. Compared to the traditional way, studying on the Internet seems to be less costly for individuals since the cost of electronic devices is affordable. Therefore, while traveling to experience a new culture is only suitable for a person who is financially in life, but a computer could provide learning opportunities for most people. Moreover, it is more flexible for learners to plan for their studying. If it is not for the Internet, learning for other cultures would be impossible for full-time workers since their timetable is limited.  
  
In conclusion, thanks to the innovation of the Internet, people have a sufficient way to study culture. By providing a wide range of materials, citizens will not need to travel to understand different cultures.  
  
286 words  
  
Can you guys help me out pls^^
Where is your response to the prompt requirement? I do not see it in the final sentence of your introduction. Without it, your TA score will be less than passing. In fact, you created your own prompt for discussion in the essay.  
  
OP: To what extent do you agree of disagree with this opinion?  
YP: ... the use of the Internet has brought various benefits for cultural learners.  
  
In this instance, you focused your body of paragraphs in discussing the academic side of learning rather the cultural side. That falls under the prompt requirement that you created, not the prompt as given by the test. As such, you have not discussed the essay in the manner required based on the topic provided. So this will get a failing TA score. Once you fail the TA score, you cannot possibly pass the test based only on the 3 remaining scoring considerations. You need to work on your English comprehension skills so that you can understand what the actual instruction for the discussion is in the essay.
## morals and safety guidance

  
  
Family especially parents have been regarded as the cornerstone of society. Today, there has been a controversial statement that children had better take their parents'advice; others claim this is not always right. I believe that children ought to obey them when they are young but they should become more independent when getting older.  
  
It can be undeniable that when children are in infant or toddler stage, they do not know the differences between right and wrong. Therefore, they need proper guidance from their parents who have been through ups and downs in their life. For instance, a young child does not know that it is definitely wrong to take things from others which do not belong to them. They also have no knowledge about how to stay safe as well as avoid dangers  
  
On the other hand, when children grow older, they should not become too reliant on their parents. That is, it would be a good idea for them to pay less attention to them Particularly when they go down in flames with their study or in daily life, parents should be outsider in order to raise their independence. If they are in the habit of asking their parents for choosing everything they will not be able to make not only their own decisions but also crucial ones.  
  
In a nutshell, parents need to give their young advice on morals and safety, but let them do at their own peace when they are older
One of the first things that the examiner will check for with your essay is the word count. You wrote only 245 of the required 250 word minimum. That means points deductions will be made based on the missing word count which, in this case, is 5 words. Why is it important to write at least 250-300 words? The explanation lies in the remaining 3 scoring considerations.  
  
The C&C score relies on your ability to clearly explain yourself in the English language. That requires more than 245 words to accomplish. The LR score, relies on your ability to properly use English terms in the proper context. While the GRA relies on your ability to write English sentences using proper English writing rules. All of which will be affected by your limited written words. Aside from that, there is no proper response to the prompt question in your introduction which is:  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?  
  
Your response was "I believe..." which does not imply the extent of your dis/agreement with the given topic for discussion. As such your essay will be considered to have failed in the task achievement section since you failed to address the prompt requirements.
## the support of state for senior citizens

  
  
People have different views about whether or not governments should help senior citizens. Although I accept that we all have the responsibility to save money for retirement, I disagree with the idea that elderly people should receive no support from the state.  
  
There are several reasons why people should save money for their retirement age. Firstly, many people find it hard to live on a basic pension plan. It is often said that today's retiree receives less than half their income from Social Security, and the rest will need to come from other sources, for example, personal savings. Secondly, when you save in a retirement plan, your money can grow faster because earnings that could have been taxed get reinvested and earn even more. Finally, having to live with the kids because you cannot afford to live independently is not how most of us want to spend our retirement years.  
  
However, I believe governments should provide care and give benefits to all senior citizens. The elderly are usually infirm and weak segment of the population and, therefore, need someone to look after them. Some citizens may even have failed to take out a pension during their working years or did not have the resources to pay into a pension because of unemployment. I would also argue that governments are responsible for creating problems such as housing crisis and inflation that stripped senior citizens of having any retirement. Now, it is for the state to take the lead on not only fixing it, but also taking care of those who were victimized in the process.  
  
In conclusion, while everyone needs to have retirement plans, I believe that providing economic support and welfare for senior citizens is one major responsibility of governments.
Your task response is incorrect. The method by which you discussed the essay shows that you only partially agree with the given prompt statement. However, your explanation in the introduction implies that you have a full disagreement with the given prompt. The mistake stemmed from your inability to recognize that the prompt is an "extent" prompt and therefore, requires a measured response of "fully, totally, or partially", to name but a few measured emotional extent words that you could have used. As such, you will not get a very high TA score. There is also the problem of your addiction to comma usage. Learn to use a mix of short and long sentences for a better GRA score. Avoid using commas to connect ideas and thoughts in a sentence whenever possible. Overuse of the comma can adversely affect the GRA score.
## global warming and human activities

  
  
**There is growing evidence that man-made activities are making global temperatures higher.  
What might be the man-made causes of temperatures rising? How should we deal with this problem?**  
  
It is proved that human activities lead to global warming, and the cause of this phenomena is mostly the emission of greenhouse gas. To solve the problem of rising temperature, we have to lessen the emission of greenhouse gas, especially CO2, and there are two aspects to consider: government and individual.  
  
Since industrialisation, the emission of CO2 has been getting higher and higher, and thus the global temperature is risen to the extent that climate change is threatening all countries. Factories and transportations are two main sources of greenhouse gas. The other industry that generate a huge amount of greenhouse gas is livestocks since human beings become more craving for meat and dairy products. In short, the human needs cause those industries to happen, and there is no limit to their development so that human beings and all the other animals are suffering from the destroyed environment.  
  
It is impossible to stop all factories and transportations. Instead, the government should invest in green energy that does not require petrol and other resources and thus generate CO2. A stricter regulation on how much greenhouse gas is allowed to be emitted by factories should also be considered. While the government is making new policy, we as individuals can change our lifestyle to lessen the greenhouse footprints: eating less meat and taking public transportation. Boycotting companies that are not willing to devote to solve global warming is another effective way everyone can do.  
  
In conclusion, human activities are very likely to generate greenhouse gas and therefore make global temperature higher. Government should take the lead to solve the problem, and we as individuals should also put efforts to prevent it from getting more serious.
Your body of paragraphs are acceptable. But there is a problem with your introduction and conclusion. Neither properly paraphrase the given discussion. Let me show you an example of how this can be done more properly:  
  
Introduction:  
It is said that there is Increasing proof that the activities created and participated in by man have had an impact on the international climate. There are several reasons that this has happened. This essay will present a few of the reasons for the increasing global weather conditions and suggest some easily accomplished solutions to the situation.  
  
The introduction should merely paraphrase the following:  
1. The topic for discussion  
2. The reason for the discussion  
3. The instruction for the discussion  
  
After that, the conclusion summarizes the content of the essay by presenting the following:  
1. A restatement of the discussion problem  
2. Summary of reasons and solutions  
3. Closing sentence  
  
Conclusion:  
Based on the aforementioned presentations, it is easy to see how the climate is directly affected by the movement of society. As such, certain steps can be taken to help alleviate the situation such as ... Once these solutions are put into place, the increasing worldwide thermal reading can be decreased.
Hello everyone, I really need your help, so I will be extremely happy if I receive your feedback.  
## **the average household expenditures in Japan and Malay**

  
  
The pie charts describe the proportion of household expenditures between Japan and Malaysia in the same year 2010.  
At first glance, it is clear that other goods and services contributed the most to the household expenditure of Japan, while housing was the largest segment of Malaysia's household expenditure. It is also noticeable that health care was the least significant part of the household expenditure both in Japan and Malaysia  
  
The proportion of other goods and services accounted for 29% of Japan's expenditure. Meanwhile, there was a slight decrease that of Malaysia to 26%. Standing at 20%, the figure for the transport of Japan's expenditure was 10 times as much as that of Malaysia. In the same year, health care was at 6% and 3% of Japan and Malaysia respectively.  
  
Housing, which comprised nearly a quarter of Japan's expenditure, grew significantly to 34% of Malaysia's expenditure. Whereas the proportion of food made up 24% and 27% in Japan and Malaysia respectively, a difference of 3%  
  
*
Since the pie charts are color coded, an explanation of the color codes, in relation to the breakdown of content should have been provided. That would have added accuracy to your reporting and also increased your word count for GRA and LR considerations. The report has a strong trending statement that would have been further helped had you actually listed what the comparisons were based on within the summary paragraph. Since there are actual figures presented in the chart, you must use the numerical references provided instead of uncertain word descriptors such as "10 times that of..." . This is a formal report, numerical figures are the key to your report accuracy. Proofread your work. You neglected the period at the end of the last paragraph sentence. That left the sentence open ended and the total essay incomplete in presentation. There are grammatical errors in your essay but these do not impede the understanding of the reader so much that it would have a severe adverse effect on your final scoring consideration.
## information of telephone calls in the UK

  
  
Hello, everyone. I need some help on correcting IELTS writing. I appreciate your feedback :)  
  
The bar chart indicates the information of telephone calls in the UK from 1995-2002, categorized into three types, local fixed line, national and international fixed line, and mobiles.  
  
Overall, the total number of minutes of local fixed line had been the highest among theses three categories while mobile had been the lowest. It is noticeable that the amount of calls by using local fixed line fell in 2000. The other two types of telephone calls had gradually increased in eight years.  
  
Most UK people called by using local fixed line during 1995-2002. The total number of minutes was approximately 70 billion in 1995, and it reached its highest 90 billion in 1999. However, the number had dropped since 2000, and continuously decreased till about 70 billion in 2002.  
  
On the other hand, the number of minutes of national and international fixed line and mobiles had steadily risen in eight years. The number of national and international fixed line was nearly 35 billion in 1995, and in 2002, the number was more than 60 billion. The number of minutes of telephone calls by mobile had significantly increased from about 3 billion in 1995 to nearly 45 billion in 2002, which had the greatest progress in eight years.  
  
*
You have a word choice error in the essay. There is no such term as "theses" in plural form representation. "These" is the plural form of "this". Since the graph shows a value higher than 70 billion, the proper term to use would have been "over 70 billion", not "about 70 billion". It is alright to use terms that indicate uncertainty since the bar graph does not give a perfect figure to refer to in your summary. However, you need to make sure that you use the correct reference term when indicating uncertainty in your presentation. Don't just throw in values without identifying what these values connote. Indicate "the years covering" in reference to the time frame from the report. Your report is strong and has a good word count. The only problem you must address if the word choice situation.
## technological revolution effect

  
  
There is no doubt that modern technology have advanced immensely and profoundly affected every aspect of human life. Being invented in technological revolution, computers play a crucial role in our daily life. Nevertheless, there is no denying that computers also have its double-edged sword. Notwithstanding its gigantic benefits to the human life, the utilization of the computers must be restrained promptly in the light of being fatally influenced on people's health and changing their thoughts or characteristics.  
  
Initially, it should be borne in mind that our health are directly poisoned by many atrocious habits caused by human computers' misapplication. For instance, gazing at screen of a computer, people easily suffer from eye strain without any suitable unwinding. Furthermore, the electro-magnetic waves from computers diametrically affect people's nervous systems, which is the reason why people have some unendurable headache after exerting it for a long time. Simultaneously, sitting one place and lacking of doing exercise due to computers, osteoarthritis and obesity are the dire consequences people may roundly condemn.  
  
Another special consideration in this case is that there is an incredible, adverse alteration in human discernment, especially in their peculiarity. Primarily, that individuals uncontrollably utilize the PC for a long time can become a chief motivation which spur them to be indolent, not willing to do any outdoor activities. Likewise, we cannot eliminate the risk of approaching malicious information such as violent actions, sexual videos which impart negative thoughts and even inappropriate for some certain ages. Hence, they will be affected by these factors and form abhorrent personalities toward the society they are living in.  
  
[i]P/s: In this essay, I don't write a conclusion. Please just mark the introduction and the body and leave a IELTS band score you think this essay should recieve.[i]
Hello,  
  
I think your point of view in the essay is clear. However, you should use collocation to express ideas correctly, avoid words which have the too strong meaning and arrange ideas more reasonably.  
  
I have tried to paraphrase some sentences in your essay in the simpler way for your reference, and hope it is useful for you.  
  
Best regards.  
  
There is no doubt that the rapid advance of science and technology, typically such as a computer, results in beneficial changes to people's life. Nevertheless, I would argue that it should limit the access to computers in the light of its negative influences on people's health and thoughts or characteristics.  
  
On the one hand, it should be borne in mind that people's health may be severely ruined by their misapplication of computers. Firstly, gazing at screen of a computer for hours may cause people to get eye problems such as eye strain, myopia. Secondly, the electromagnetic waves emitted from computers may diametrically affect people's ... why some people have unendurable headache after ... Furthermore, lack of doing exercise due to sitting still in front of a computer screen can put you at risk of osteoarthritis and obesity.  
  
On the other hand, using the computer uncontrollably exerts negative impacts on people's thoughts and personality. The first reason is that the overuse of computer can make people indolent, not willing ... Likewise, the internet is fraught with malicious information such ..., which imparts negative thoughts and inappropriate actions to youngsters. Hence, they will be badly affected by these factors, which forms abhorrent ...
For the TA score, due to the lack of proper response to the given prompt, this will most likely score a 4. C&C would be a 3 due to the overwhelmingly confusing sentence structures and idea presentation. The LR score will be anywhere between a 2 and 3 due to the lack of word formation skills. Unfortunately, the GRA score will also fall under the band score of 3 because the grammatical errors have made the sentences extremely difficult for a native English reader to understand. This means that the overall score will most likely fall under the 3 bracket. You have to focus on simplifying your explanations and making sure that you offer a clear prompt paraphrase with your next essay. Those corrections should help improve your score.
## high-speed, stressful lifestyle

  
  
Nowadays, people have become wealthier than before. However, people also confront the high-speed lifestyle at the same time, which is an extreme stressful lifestyle. In this essay I will discuss some of the causes of this stress and how it could be alleviated.  
  
In this generation, people work hard for a high quality lifestyle; however, some of whom turn out to be a workaholic to be able to cope with their occupations, which has become social issue. Take Taiwan for instance, after economic depression, around 10 years ago, many people were unemployed, so they needed to fight for their positions in case of losing the job they just had. They accepted an excessive workload without any complaints. However, a few years later, there were many incidents about overloaded employee's deaths, and people were starting to consider about their rights and thinking about the lifestyles they had. Now, in these few years, high-tech replacements are also changing people workstyle, and the work environment has become much more competitive. People should find the balance between their jobs and lives; because the job environment has been changing and will be continuing.  
  
In order to achieve their life ambitions and being competent workers, people work under stress. I believe that they need to take time slowly sometimes to think about the future life they want and learn more about loving. People only focus on jobs, and ignore family and friends, and even become selfish who only have money without people's accompany. I think that although they look rich, they are poor in mind. Learning to share and care about people and society will be a good start.  
  
In conclusion, nowadays, people are making an effort at being accepted workers to be hired and to acquire their goals in thier occupations. However, as time goes fast, people should take break as a demand for their healthy and balanced lifestyles. If it is ignored, people might be regret it after they have lost. it.