dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The discussion is not focused. It is lacking in brainstorming and proper reasoning development. Is the focus on the pollution problem or the beach pollution problem? You seem to be trying to focus on 2 different topics in the presentation, making it a bit confusing for the reader to keep track of. Is this discussion based on the Task 2 topic or, is this just an English language writing exercise? If it is for the task 2 test, then we have a problem.  
  
As a task 2 essay, there is no clear prompt restatement. The thesis statement is also missing from the presentation. The reference in the discussion does not represent the original discussion reference points. So that will be a very big problem right from the start. Then, the lack of focused discussion references create an incoherent presentation. It is not cohesive in the sense that the discussion is flying all over the place, without an effort on your part to connect the discussion paragraphs.  
  
I believe that you can do a better job than this in your next essay. Regardless of whether you are trying to discuss based on a simple writing task or, on a Task 2 essay topic, the problems that exist in your written presentation are the same. Maybe focus on a proper outlining of the discussion first? Brainstorm and ensure that you understand the focus of the discussion before you start writing the response. Use about 10 minutes for that task. Make sure everything connects before you start drafting your response.
## to what extent do you think laws are needed to make people recycle more of their waste?

  
  
Even though recycling has become a well - known definition for a lot of people, but it is clear that waste is not treated efficiently in most homes. There are opinions that the authority should pass laws to promote people actions on treating garbage environmentally. Personally, laws are not the only way to tackle the problems and there are more effective solutions.  
  
On the one hand, laws may affect people behaviour positively. The government can put punishments range from fine to community services. For those who still disobeying the rules, prison sentenced can be applied. The appropriate way to recycled from most houses is to separate them into different categories. This does not only make the streets cleaner but also offer lighter works for environment workers. In addition, money from punishments can be used to invest in treating wastes system as well as improve cities outlooks.  
  
However, there are other appropriate approaches to encourage house owners to recycle. First of all, environmental-related topics should be made compulsory in the education system. Teaching children from an early age helps to mould their behaviour later on. Secondly, people are more enthusiastic when being praised, not punished. Therefore, there should be awards for those who have been doing great for the environment. Prizes do not mean the latest technology devices or expensive, it can simply an appreciation post on social media. This way promotes people interacts with the environment.  
  
In conclusion, enacting laws on dumps treatment to the people might be too harsh, meanwhile, there are more effective solutions that still protect the environment and also encourage people positively.
Your first paragraph sentence opens with a confusing statement. That is due to the incorrect sentence formation. The inclusion of the word "but" caused the sentence to lack any proper meaning. If that word had not been included, then the sentence would have made proper sense. Consider doing more sentence building exercises to avoid making similar mistakes in the future.  
  
You provided your personal opinion and reason in the opening paragraph, but once again, you failed to properly format the sentence . Where is the extent response? The lack of it will affect the TA score based on the expected discussion format. Always double check your presentation for prompt adherence. oThat means. besure you have properly provided the discussion format and topics in the response final form you wrote.  
  
This is not to be formatted as a comparative discussion. Unless specified in the discussion, all task 2 essays require only 2 single opinion supporting paragraphs. your essay will therefore be read and scored based only on the single reasoning paragraph that supports your opinion. Then your essay may fall under the minimum 250 word count, leading to word count deductions, possibly, and finally resulting in a failing score when all the sectional errors are included and totalled to create your final score.  
  
Don't get me wrong, you understood the question. It is the discussion presentation that proved to be the weak point of your writing. I am confident though that since I have called your attention to your writing problem areas, that you will show improvements in these areas in your future presentations.
Hi Karlie, I have some comments for your writing. I find the two most significant things you need to improve in your answer are "task achievement" and "grammar".  
  
Personally, I find the way you express the ideas in the 2nd and 3rd paragraph is not strongly convincing.. even a bit confusing when you prove that laws may affect people behaviors positively by fining or putting them in prison... but the next paragraph you wrote .. better to be awarded not punished. Moreover, the conclusion seems not 100% to be in line with the body paragraphs... (the 2nd paragraph it seems you support the way that laws are impacting positively)/  
  
Second point is grammar, I found lots of grammatical mistakes (e.g put punishments range; who still disobeying; prison sentenced' etc.)  
Hope it help.
## *number of UK commuters travelling each day by car, bus or train*

  
  
The line graph compares figures for daily travel of employee by three different transports in UK over a period of 60 years, starting from 1970.  
Overall, the number of UK commuters travelling by car was most popular in three transports.Also, while the number of people using car and train rose remarkably, the opposite was true for bus in the period shown.  
  
In 1970, approximately 5 million employee travelled by car each day in UK while only around respective 4 million and 2 million commuters used bus and train. Over the 30 following years, the number of people driving to work by car rose 7 million additionally the number of commuting rail passengers reached 3 million. However, there was a gradual drop around 0.5 million in the number of buses users.  
  
By 2030, it's thought that the number of employee in UK driving to work will reach below 9 million and the figure for train is expected to rise, about 5 million. By contrast, buses are predicted to become a less popular choice, only 3 million people daily users.
Where is the image? It will be hard to assess the accuracy and quality of your work without it. Please provide that next time. When you write the summary overview , provide the listed comparison points before you useit in the trending presentation. That will help the reader create the mental image from the very start. There should only be 1 trending sentence, not 2. The other trend you presented would havebeen better used in the succeeding analysis and comparison paragraphs. You appear to not really understand when to use thesingular and plural form of words. Familiarize yourself with those terms. When a numerical reference is in the millions, the plural form ofthe subject is used. Therefore, itis employees not employee.
***topic:  
More and more people are migrating to cities in search of a better life, but city life can be extremely difficult. Explain some of the difficulties of living in a city.***  
  
## How can governments make urban life better for everyone?

  
  
It is often believed that cities to be ideal places of opportunities, but there are also some undeniable drawbacks of living in a large metropolis. In my opinion, the government could do much more to improve the quality of life for all urban dwellers.  
  
One of the main problems that city inhabitants have to deal with is the cost of living is likely to be much higher than it is in small villages or the countryside areas. They have to pay the higher cost for housing, transport, and even food. This will ultimately cause pressure on the shoulder for inhabitants who don't have a lucrative income. Another issue is that traffic congestion during rush hour. Increasing unproductive travel time not only causes stress but also decreases work productivity. City commuters often have to spend at least 30 minutes and even hours sitting in traffic on their way to and from work.  
  
However, there are various steps that governments could take to tackle these problems. Firstly, they could finance money in the building of affordable or social housing to reduce the cost of living. Secondly, it is necessary to improve public transport to make it more attractive to people. The problem of traffic would be effectively addressed if more people decided to use public transport instead of their private vehicles. The government could also consider charging peak-hour tolls to discourage drivers from traveling during peak periods.  
  
In conclusion, the government totally could implement a wide array of solutions or rules to improve a better life for all urban residents.
Your restatement needs work. There was a point in the first sentence when you began to deviate from the original discussion, but managed to work your way back. You should not be stating an opinion in this presentation as that is not required. You instead, failed to give an actual example and solution as a part of your discussion basis in relation to the discussion instructions. Your reasoning paragraphs do not make use of transition sentences when moving from one topic to the next. Not only do transitions help with your GRA scare, but it also increases your C and C potential as the discussion points show a clear relationship in the paragraph.  
  
The solutions are not well explained. You must provide convincing supporting reasons and examples for the solutions you provide. The current presentations need to be better developed and blended into a more convincing statement.
## money distribution analysis

  
  
The line graph illustrates changes in the distribution of average household income in the 50-year period from 1965 to 2015.  
Overall, the graph indicates that a large amount of money was redistributed from savings to other sections, mostly accommodation over the period given. Both savings and accommodation remained stable in the first 25 years, but after 1990 savings decreased while accommodation increased sharply. Others such as recreation, food, transport, gas/electricity and home improvement increased gradually with some minor fluctuations.  
  
As we can infer from the graph, the spending on accommodation started at about 11% and remained so until 1985 when it increased immensely to a peak of 17% in 2015. Savings were at a stable rate of 12% from 1965 to 1990 but dropped since and remained only less than 5% in 2015. Additionally, home improvements spending gradually increases from a non-existent rate to about 3% in the last year. Recreation, food, transport and gas/electricity spending almost doubled during the period
The lack of image will prevent me from giving your work a full review. Provide an image next lime to recieve a more thorough observation of your work. Let me start by indicating how your essay meets the minimum wordcount but does not satisfy the 3 paragraph information presentation/ format for the task. This leads to the assumption that not all the reporting requirements for the task were met or, barely met. Reading your work tells me that you rushed through the writing task. Several points could have been better compared and analyzed. However , the lack of image prevents me from pinpointing these sections. It isn't enough to just meet the word requirement. you also have to provethat you actually analyzed all of the data from the image.
## Every country has poor people and every country has different ways of dealing with the poor

  
  
There is no doubt that every nation has needy people and they are dealt with different ways as per the economies. In this essay, I will discuss the main factors that contribute to the poverty among people and necessary measures that can help plummet poverty.  
  
Out of all the factors that lead to poverty the most important is lack of education. This is because, education is the fundamental part of human's growth and the individuals who don't get it have no means to secure a job to pull them out of their circumstances. This leads to unemployment behind poverty. The uneducated people might not find a good job as they do not have essential skills required for a job. Instead, they can only perform menial jobs and earn merge salaries. It is impossible for them to improve their conditions.  
  
The government can play a pivotal role to eradicate poverty from society. Firstly, there should be appropriate policies to encourage the citizens eliminating illiteracy . In my point of view, free education should be provided to all generations regardless of their background ; some scholarships should be awarded for higher studies based on their lofty performances. Secondly, the government should create more jobs for the needy. If they are employed directly by the government, the poor get an opportunity to receive a constant income from a secured job .  
  
I think that my essay is not good enough so I hope that I can recieve your feedbacks about my essay
The essay is below the required minimum word count. The word percentage deductions tells me that you either did not know about the minimum word requirement or, you were hesitant in your writing due to a lack of knowledge on the topic or, a low English vocabulary level. Either reason is not good for your TA score as the low word count will mean TA score deductions based on the minimum word requirement. The essay has already failed the preliminary assesment even before the actual written content has been considered based on the 4 scoring sections.  
  
There is a topic presentation in the first paragraph but no thesis statements based on the 2 discussion targets. Providing the 2 thesis sentences provides a summary of your upcoming discussion and will show how well you understood the questions in relation to the overall discussion. These thesis sentences help to increase your TA score based on your related discussion points in relation to the provided topic and questions, which are the basis for your 2 expanded reasoning paragraphs.  
  
It is impossible for them to improve their conditions.  
Hyperbolic assessments and exaggerations should not be included in the discussion as it could create topic deviations in your presentation. For instance, there are success stories based on the way that little educated people manage to become rich, or at least, lead financially stable lives. Avoid over exaggerations as that is not the same as emphasizing a point.  
  
The reasoning paragraphs have an uneven explanation development. The causes paragraph is far better explained than the solutions portion. The second paragraph needs more explanations to support the solutions. I believe that it is the lack of discussion development in this paragraph that led to the lack of word count.  
  
You do not have a problem understanding the prompt. You have a problem discussing the topic for unknown reasons. By the way, never use contractions in an academic essay. Always use the full 2 words due to formal writing requirements.  
  
Next time, try to write more words. That is the only way you can meet minimum scoring requirements.
## many more people are choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past

  
  
In this modern world, there has been an increasing tendency for citizens in a number of countries to stay alone rather than engage themselves in any relationship. From my own perspective, this trend can lead to positive enhancement for both society in general and each individual in particular.  
  
The very initial benefit of this choice is that each person is able to spend more time on developing themselves, leading to more opportunities for successful career. Take a twenty-four-year-old youngster as an example. Instead of spending time on relationship, he may find himself more interested in the work he is doing, which ignites his passion for his job and encourages him to learn as well as to devote himself seriously. This then sharpens his potentials and broadens his knowledge in his desired field. There is no reason for a dedicated and eager individual not to acquire achievement and self-improvement after such hard work. Each excellent person will in turn contribute to a more advanced society.  
  
In addition, people are living in a world where they make decisions independently; therefore, staying alone is more like a choice of life rather than just a marital status. Being alone enables them to have more time for themselves and find their truly inner peace. This also allows a better connection between one's body and soul, leading to a status of healthier mental strength of each individual. Without mental illnesses, it is easier for everyone to perceive their innate value and ability, resulting in higher quality of the labor force for the society.  
  
In conclusion, people are beneficial from a life a being alone as this way of life make positive contributions to self-enhancement and a more developing economy.
The essay was on track for the most part. oThe restatement, the discussion were all good and remained related tothe prompt, Discussion points had convincing examples and are based on sound logic and common sense. However, an example based upon your own experience rather thana generic person would have helped the coherenceand cohesiveness score a lot more as it would have helped show and advanced English comprehension skill on your part. Regardless, that does not remove the strength and validity of your discussion. an expanded summary conclusion would have also helped advance you C&C score as you would have shown a better summary skill based on pertinent data presentation. still, you did good work here. I am sure it would have gotten a high scoring consideration.
Many professors  
Use the descriptive term "educators" rather than - "professors". The more generic reference allows you to generally discuss the teaching profession. Elementary and high school educators are called "teachers", while higher education level educators are referred to as " professor." Such word usage errors show a limited vocabulary understanding on your part and affects the authority of your discussion. Note that the prompt refers toa teacher, in reference to the lower educational level being referred to in the discussion. I am afraid this word reference error may indicate a lack of advanced English comprehension skills required of ESL learned educators in an American ENL school.  
  
In my opinion, t  
This personal opinion should be presented in the opening paragraph rather than the and because it contains your direct - regarding the topic discussion question.  
  
While you do show an understanding of the topic, the examples, had these been based on yourpersonal experience , would have made for a far more convincing supporting discussion presentation.  
  
As a future educator, you are also expected to know how to properly construct English sentences. Yet, this essay shows a lack of proper simple and complex sentence structure along with problematic punctuation mark usage. These are quite obvious in your final paragraph presentation. Based on these observations, you can deduce which sections you should focus onfor future writing improvement.
## Description of an island - before and after development

  
  
Two maps depict an island and compare the two points in time before and after the construction of several tourist facilities.  
Before construction, the expansive island was pristine with a few trees and nothing else. There is a small beach next to the island, but it does not meet safety standards for swimming.  
  
After the construction of some tourist facilities, the island has considerable change. They rearrange some trees due to make vacant land for the construction. Many accommodations are structured and arranged in a circle to facilitate travel by foot. There is a reception and a large restaurant to welcome and serve visitors. The visitors can swim on the beach because, after construction, the beach meets the safety standard for swimming. Tourist facilities also build a pier that connects the island with sailboats in the sea. The transportation system is quite convenient with footpath and vehicle tracking.  
  
In conclusion, there are many changes after construction. It helps the island attracts visitors to visit and relax.  
  
*
The task 1 essay does not require an analysis nor a conclusion. Therefore, the reference to safety standards should not be mentioned. The conclusion at the end of your writing Is not required. So your essay has 2 format errors that will immediately reduce your TA score. The summary overview is also problematic as the information sounds too much like a cut and paste of the image description from the original presentation.That will be an additional TA deduction as well. at this rate, your TA errors alone will be enough to possibly fail your final score.  
  
You failed to also use the standard and required 3 paragraph presentation for the analysis. The reason this happened is because you did not provide the before renovation description of the island. That was supposed to have been the 2nd paragraph. It would have come after the summary overview. The 3 paragraph format should have been:  
  
Par.1- Summary overview  
Par.2 - Description of image 1  
Par.3 - Description of image 2 with simple comparisons to image 1.  
  
No conclusions or personal opinion needs be presented in this task as it is only a data reporting essay.
## number of Olympic medals won - statistics

  
  
**The chart below shows the total number of Olympic medals won by twelve different countries.  
  
Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below.  
  
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
The graph compares twelve countries in terms of the amount of Olympic medals they have won.  
  
It can be seen from the chart that the USA by far won the largest number of medals. According to the chart, the figures for gold, silver and bronze seem to be fairly similar.  
  
The USA have won nearly 2,500 medals in total, with approximately 900 gold medals, 750 silver and 600 bronze. The Soviet Union stood at second place with just over 1,000 medals.  
  
Only four other countries, namely the UK, France, Germany and Italy, have won more than 500 medals, all with alike proportions of each colour of medal. It is also clear that China is the only other country with a noticeably high proportions of gold medals compared to silver and bronze.  
  
*Thank you for your evaluation!*  
  
*
This paper doesn't have a good chance of receiving a passing score since the word count is only 130 words. It is severely under the 150 word minimum. Word count deductions shall heavily apply to the pre-scoring TA score. The lack of word count in the result of under analyzed paragraphs. A properly analyzed paragraph will always have an extended discussion format of 3-5 - sentences. Your paragraphs average 2 sentences per paragraph. This shows a lack of discussion outlining and brainstorming during the drafting process. improve the analysis presentation for a better overall scoring consideration. This is a good start. Now, try to write more words based on data analysis and comparisons. I will not point out other scoring problems at this point since I do not know ifthe errors can be avoided when you write at least 150 words. 175- 190 would be a good word target range for any task 1 presentation.