dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
@Ekaputri17  
I think you've written a strong essay overall. I can only suggest that you don't need to put an answer directly to the first question in the introduction, instead, and an outlining sentence is enough. One more thing, I kinda can't understand your conclusion. My suggestion could be: In conclusion, while unlimited ambitions stop people from reaching full happiness, achieving small success every day will be the answer to their hunger of satisfaction.  
  
@Izzudinfarras  
This prompt gives a fact and 2 direct questions which do not require for personal position stating. I think you're mistaking for the agree or disagree type of question.
## supporting tuition by a government

  
  
**In some countries, students have to pay their own college and university fees, but in other countries, government pays this amount. Do the advantages of the government's spending their money on college and university fees for a student outweigh the disadvantages**  
  
People have different views about the advantages of the government's expenditure for student's university fees. While in some countries, government expend their money on college and university fees for a student, I personally think that this amount should be paid by students.  
  
On the one hand, I can understand that there are many benefits when government supports education costs for students. This will reduce the financial burden on students, student could only need to focus on learning. This also facilitates higher education's access for many students, especially underprivileged students. In short, government funding for university and college fees could help improve quality of education.  
  
On the other hand, in my view, it is unnecessary when tuition fees are paid by government for all students. When going to school is free, it leads students being lack of responsibility in studying. College students are mature enough to handle their own education costs. Instead of receiving passively government subsidies, they can earn their own money and instead of spending money on helping student's fees, government could provide student loans which will be compensated after graduation. In addition, the governments have more importance concerns. For example, beside education which accounts for a large of amount, the state budgets need to be spent on other areas such as: healthcare, infrastructure and security.  
  
In the final analysis, it is my opinion that the disadvantages of the government's spending their money on college and university fees for a student outweigh the advantages. The government should only support tuition for disadvantaged students, the others have to pay their own.
## IELTS Writing Task 2 Correction Support Request

  
  
Hi all,  
  
I am from Vietnam and I am studying to beat IELTS test. I find it difficult writing an essay which completely meets all the test's requirements. I hereby would like to ask for your help in correcting my essays as you are english native speakers who have different ways in expressing ideas from mine. I would love to learn a lot from you guys. Thanks. Here is my latest essay:  
  
Question: today, high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (write at least 250 words)  
  
My essay:  
  
These days, there are a lot of choices for consumers' spending, which are popularized by advertising. Yet there is an emerging notion that the high demand of one particular goods does not always directly correlate with the social actual needs. I would firmly affirm the likeliness of this topical issue, which may be attributed to some reasons, as shall now be discussed.  
  
The development of internet and social media networks is the main reason for the effective sale of non-necessary consumers goods. There are more and more people joining the social media networks everyday and their shopping habits as well as surfing activities are collected by algorithms designed by service providers. After that, internet users are grouped to specific consuming habits in order that business can advertise items fitting their habits constantly. As a result, they are tempted to buy such things regardless of their true needs for others.  
  
Another reason is that business is promoting their products increasingly by applying many marketing strategies, some of which are price deduction up to 50% for an exact purchased quatities, buy one get one free scheme or using famous people's endorsement. These activities consequently make commodities affordable and compelling to consumers. Therefore, the social demands for these types of items often exceed the actual necessity.  
  
To conclude, it is right that people these days buy stuffs that they do not virtually require for their living. The reasons for the high sales are attributed to effective social media networks' advertisement and marketing strategies of the business.
Hy @Leon2501  
  
Overall your ideas are good, you only need to make it simple and well-organized  
In my opinion:  
1. The first body is better starting talk about how the internet influences people to be more consumptive. For example:  
*Advertising on the internet tempt people to buy more items*  
2. The second body, simply your sentences by saying that many business sectors compete by organizing a big discount as a method to attract costumers  
3. Be aware of the subject-verb agreement. Please recheck again your writing
## prevention vs treatment

  
  
*Question: The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?*  
  
Essay: It is argued that preventing problems relevant to health is far more crucial than curing these problems. Basically, I side with this standpoint, however, the role of treatment can never be ignored.  
  
On the one hand, I believed that measures of avoidance are better than medicine in term of long-term benefits namely physical and mental health or economy. In general, using prevention not only help patient to avoid diseases or problems, but also enable them to reduce side-effect of drugs as well as incidental damages. Especially, operation in internal organs like brain or heart has a very high risk of disordering function of them in the future. Added to this is sense of disturbing for medicine user because vomiting and anorexia usually occur after taking pills. Furthermore, some kind of problem will require you to pay enormous expense if you are re-infected, meanwhile, vaccination has permanent effect.  
  
On the other hand, treatment has always been considered as an only choice when it comes to certain circumstances. Firstly, not every problem can be avoided with current technology. Taking "Yasuo" for example, it is known as an inborn disorder relevant to impairment of bones and the only way to prevent is fixing the original gens of human, a novel solution, therefore, studying medicine is more possible. Secondly, in fast-paced modern lifestyle, people are more incline to have poor diet and not to take periodical examination. As a result of lack of time and serious attention, avoidance is less effective than treatment, which is instantly powerful.  
  
In conclusion, government should invest money into both of prevention and medication due to the different of situation.
Hy @Huyngoc168  
my suggestion for your writing:  
1. do not forget to include funding government in the introduction paragraph.  
2. 'in term of long-term benefits: directly say ' in the long-term benefits'  
3. I see that your thesis statement and the third paragraph fully agree with the issue, so do not use 'on the other hand' as means of there are contrasted ideas.  
  
4. The conclusion should be a paraphrase from the thesis statement
Phan, you have not followed the discussion requirements for this essay. This happened because you went in a different direction for your discussion when compared to the original discussion instruction you were provided:  
  
*Original Instruction: To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
Response: Basically, I side with this standpoint, however, the role of treatment can never be ignored.*  
  
This is a single opinion extent essay. Yet your response represents a two point of view discussion. That runs counter to the instructions you were provided. Therefore, the TA section of this essay will be non-passing in consideration. You did not offer a response that reflects the discussion requirement of the original presentation. Therefore, the essay will fail a major part of the scoring process and most likely not be able to reach a passing score for the remaining considerations in the end.
Sydnea, what is the whole point of this paper? It is a highly informative research paper that failed to represent a purpose for its being within the first paragraph. There is no thesis presentation that can help the reader understand the topic, why it is important to discuss it, and what research and solutions might be proposed within the paper. The essay covers some highly valid discussion points and offers solutions to the nursing shortage problem. That is the main strength of this paper. The weakness, lies in how you failed to represent a thorough overview of the topic itself and the reasons why you feel compelled to to this research. If you will just fix the introduction and thesis statement part, the essay will be alright. Remember, the introduction must never contain a reference to a quoted source since this is the part where the essay is just kicking off. You are still explaining the importance of the research so factual data is not yet required.
## factors for crime determination

  
  
**Some people believe that there should be a fixed punishment for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment.  
  
Discuss both of views and give your own opinion.**  
  
Some would say that fixing penalty has to be implemented for each crime to deter crime rates and give fair justify for criminals. However, others argue that the motive and circumstances should be measured in terms of long period sentences given.  
  
The fixed punishment established by the state is the most viable way against perpetrator committing a crime, and this will ensure people receiving the same judgment in the legal system. As prison sentences make people suffering to live in the poor facilities and condition, criminals would pay more attention about the rules and thinking more to commit any offense. When the type of crime is the only aspect to determine the penalty, people experience doubling threat and believing reduce the number of offenders. For example, In Indonesia, before a severe penalty gives for drug abuse, this leaded an uncontrolled offenders between teenagers and adults who got the same penalty without discrimination. However, after long sentence launching for such crime, the news of drug abuse decrease significantly. If this policy is implemented fairly by the stakeholder, it could create a communities without any crime disrupting their life.  
  
On the other hand, there is a group of people that suggest to take consideration about the motivation and background problem before the criminals are punished. Economy crisis usually forces people to commit the crime as they need to fulfil their basic necessity to stay alive. Should this be given the same punishment with those who intentionally being criminals? To illustrate this, a grandmother who arrest for stealing food in the shop would be given at least 1 year and pay fine as much 5 million rupiah based on the agreed sentence, while she experience very poor condition and steal due to starvation in several days, and then Compared to them, doing such crime is for getting profit. If the two cases above get a similar prison sentences, this will not be called humanity. Therefore, I firmly believe that the offenders should be investigated properly before giving the penalty.  
  
In conclusion, while fixing punishment succeed to reduce criminal cases, it should be important to measure motivation and circumstances as factors to determine prison time.  
  
(361 words)
Dear Ekaputri17,  
I would like to have some comments on your writing as follows:  
1) Strong points:  
You presented two views and used a variety of phrases and sentence beginnings. You are also good at academic words and transitional words in this essay. However, there are alot of grammar and spelling mistakes in your writing.  
  
2) Rooms for improvement.  
a) Word count: you should cut the word count to under 300 words.  
b) This is a discussion/opinion question, so, please clearly state your opinion in the introduction and also repeat it in the conclusion, otherwise it will hurt your task achievement.  
  
c) Please correct some grammar mistakes such as misusing passive and active verb, prepositions, noun and verb, verb tense and subject-verb agreement. Most of these mistakes can be corrected by spelling check in Winword.  
  
Some would say that ~~fixing~~ (fixed is different from fixing in meaning) penalty has to ... and ~~give~~ gives fair ~~justify~~ justification for criminals.  
  
Pay attention ~~about~~ to the rules  
For example, ~~In~~ (this should not be in captial letter) Indonesia, before a severe penalty ~~gives~~ (this should be in past tense) for drug abuse, this ~~leaded~~ (this should be in past perfect tense) an uncontrolled offenders ...  
  
~~Economy~~ Economic crisis  
... a grandmother who ~~arrest~~ (this should be a passive verb here) for stealing ...  
Please review the essay and find more similar mistakes as well as correct verb tenses.  
Thank you very much again for your comments on my essay.  
Happy writing!
## Youth and Creativity

  
  
In this day and age creativity is of considerable importance in the businesses to reach the determined objectives in the face of competition with competitors. As a result companies tend to hire more creative staffs. In my opinion, young people are more creative than olds. This essay will offer the reasons.  
  
Firstly, in term of synthesizing ideas from a wide variety of sources, young people are more capable. In dealing with hi-tech skills they are generally better educated and could surf the Internet and social media to find information and read articles in way that was unimaginable for earlier generation.  
  
In addition, young people are open to new ideas. Such ideas maybe pose failure in business sometimes. Old generations have fear of failure moreover they are conservative to try new ways so as not to be innovative. But young people have entrepreneurial spirits and try new ways and press on to achieve organizational goals.  
  
Finally, from the psychological perspective humans become prisoners of their own success. Sticking with what works makes them both more successful and less creative. So for achieving to success, a young person is more enthusiasts.  
  
To sum up, however young persons are less experienced to recognize which ides have significant potential to success, their creativity could be lead to entrepreneurship to run a new business or make the process more convenient to do.
**Hi @Sanazhemmati,  
I supposed you were writing a short essay for language tests like TOEFL or IELTS.  
Following this assumption, for your reference, I will give some humble suggestions.**  
green: suggestion  
red: grammatical error  
  
*First paragraph*  
  
~~In this day and age~~These days creativity is becoming ~~of~~  ~~considerable~~ more and more important in the competitive business~~es~~ industries. ~~to reach ... of competition~~ ~~with competitors.~~  
  
... more creative than ~~olds~~ the elderly. This essay will ~~offer~~ provide ~~the~~(Specific numbers like 3 or 4 help me to catch up with your point of view faster.) reasons below.
## Job Satisfaction (writing task 2)

  
  
**As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing.  
  
What factors contribute to job satisfaction?  
How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?**  
  
Satisfaction of employees has become the main determinant as full-time workers spending the most time in the workplace. Providing an optimal work environment and challenges for advancement are the way to achieve this, but the engagement of each worker cannot be made generally as a whole due to economic and skills background.  
  
Two elements that boost employees' satisfaction are conducive circumstances and the presences of higher career path. When people spend much time in the same places, the spacious room and good arrangement furniture hold an important part in creating pleasure which influences appraisal between employees and boss. When the companies also give a chance to enhance their skills and give a promotion for those who reach higher achievement on the job training, this will consider as feedback issues from employers to employees for their better career. To illustrate this, a good decorative restaurant will attract more visitors to stay for hours after eating, and there are meeting facilities that are always full booking. What drives them to enjoy gathering in such a place? From this illustration, it would give a similar condition if the workplace is established as convenient as this restaurant which results in the increased output. Then, what about the challenge? Majority of workers in India seek jobs to acquire new skills and promotion rather than salary motivation standing the lowest percentages among the options available.  
  
On the other hand, the satisfaction is often neglected by employees due to their financial and poor skills. Some workers will remain in their work as they need money for fulfilling life necessities, and especially if they are unskilled, this forces them continuing as blue-collar workers for a long time. For example, a security guard even remains in this position for more than 30 years as he has to feed their family and pay school payment. Because he does not have a good qualification, the bosses will not offer promotion as a staff in those companies.  
  
In conclusion, job satisfaction can be ensured by providing good circumstances to work or discuss and training program holds the vital element to be more satisfied while this expectation is not a major demand for certain employees.  
  
(362 WORDS)
## IELTS writing task 2 - Criminals would commit crimes again when set free

  
  
Question:  
*Research suggest that the majority of criminals who are sent to prison would commit crimes when set free.  
What are the reasons? What can be done to solve the problem?*  
  
Essay:  
It is true that a large number of ex-offenders who have been set free are likely to offend again. This essay will explore two of the main reasons that lead to their recidivism and propose measures that may address them.  
  
One of the main reasons is that most of ex-convicts usually face difficulties re-entrying into the society because of their losing all their social connections after incarceration. For instance, their former co-workers often feel unwilling to socialize with ex-prisoners, thus making them feel marginalized. Furthermore, stigmatization by their neighbors also limits their ability to lead a normal life. As a result, they usually make friends with ex-inmates who always welcome them to the world of crimes. To tackle this problem, local government and social community service bodies should create a network of supporters who can help these ex-offenders to build up their healthy social connections.  
  
Another reason is that they cannot find good jobs. To successfully integrate back into society, these people need to be financially independent. However, their chance of applying for a good job is nearly impossible because ex-employers usually do not want to re-employ them and new employers tend to ignore their conspicuous resumes. This is likely to increase the rate of recidivism since they fail to earn a livelihood to support their own living cost. If the government had policies to train them some work skills when they were in prisons, they would have better chances to find good jobs after being released.  
  
In conclusion, although rehabilitation programs in prisons try to improve offenders' behaviors but if the government do not have post-release programs to help ex-offenders to re-entry into the society, the rate of re-conviction may be high since they are isolated by society and unable to apply for decent jobs.
Hy @crystlho  
  
In my opinion, your solutions do not tackle the causes of the problems which you are captured. In paragraph 2, the problem lies in an unwilling society to socialize with the ex-criminals and this should be tackled from acceptable of people. also, in the last body, you should provide solutions that ex-offenders can be hired by the companies. How to make this happen.If you mention training skills as if you describe that the ex-criminals do not have skills enough. The problem is about their status not from their capability
*It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science subjects. What are causes? And wat will be effects on society?*  
  
## Exploring declining science study enrollments

  
  
In recent years, in some parts of the world, science subjects have been witnessed declines in attracting the interest of students who have just graduated from high school. This essay will outline the potential causes of this phenomenon and its social impacts.  
  
The difficulty of studying science has been widely regarded as the primary reason. Students often complain about a great deal of time and effort they have to devote to studying complex definitions and abstract knowledge involved in scientific subjects. Therefore, these subjects are exclusively suitable for those who are highly committed and talented.  
  
Unfortunately, the majority of these students often highlight their concerns about the financial pressure of working in science. In many parts of the globe, especially in developing countries, many individual scientists spend their time not only conducting scientific research, but also applying for funding. However, the role of science has been often undervalued, thus, it is difficult for them to receive endowments from the public. As a result, most brilliant students tend to pursue well-paid occupations, such as finance, IT, or marketing instead of study science subjects.  
  
It is undeniable that if governments do not intervene immediately, the shortage of professionals in the field of science can occur in the not-too-distant future. It is no wonder that this will slow down the pace of technological and scientific advancement. In particular, fewer technical innovations would occur each year, and existing scientific programs would be terminated. For example, the process of developing new vaccines would be decelerated due to the lack of medical professionals, which adversely impacts the treatment of millions of patients around the world.  
  
In conclusion, according to the above analysis, the difficulty of science subjects and financial burdens are two predominant causes of the declines in science enrollments experienced in many countries. Without the intervention from governments, this trend will have numerous negative effects on the society.