dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
*In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?*  
  
## higher taxes on fast foods?

  
  
In the Western World, the percentage of diseas caused by unhealthy food habits is constantly increasing. The development of fast food chains has worstened the situation, creating the need for governments to do something to solve the issue. Some people, for instance, believe that an increase in taxes for this type of food will help. However, I do not agree since there will be a scarce impact on fast food consumption.  
  
Firstly, it is necessary to analyse and identify which are the drivers that influence the choice between healthy food and fast food. For example, people often prefer to eat fast food to save time and not to save money. Consequently, an increase in price would not affect their choice. Instead, if people could find restaurants selling healthy food, such as vegetables and fruit salads, ready-to-eat and available for take-away, they would prefer this kind of food rather than hamburgers and fried chips.  
  
Secondly, an higher taxation on fast food would be perceived by only a small portion of population. A full lunch at McDonald, for example, costs around 8 euros in Europe and even if the government will increase the price of 20%, it will cost less than 10 euros. Also people with a low income will consider this price as affordable and in any case cheaper than the usual price for a lunch.  
  
To sum up, I do not believe that an higher taxation on fast food will help governments in decrease disease due to the scarce impact that the change in price would have on people's nutritional decisions.  
  
-----------------  
It would be helpful if you could give me some advice on this essay
Thank you for your help in my essay.  
  
the percentage of diseas ---If you are writing a IELTS test, you have to write full words  
  
has worstened worsened  
  
creating the need for governments to do something to solve the issue-- It's not an academic writing (to take measures)  
  
an increase in price would ... -- "To increase price" would be better  
  
even if the government ~~will~~ increase ...--- in if-clause expressing condition, use "will" in main clause only---not 100% sure  
  
Hope they are helpful :)
*A person's worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions.*  
  
## a vital character for a good person

  
  
Nowadays , many people impress with someone, who is a superrich man, and they believe that traditional values such as honor, trust and kindness is not necessary in modern life. I would like to express my contradiction to this view and my reason are explained below.  
  
I'd like to start by saying that traditional values still really important now, anyhow you are a student at a university or a person with high social status you must have that to connect with other people every time . If you broken or cheat someone just one time, you will receive disrespect. Facebook well know as a big technology worldwide, recently was discovered as they don't trust about protect their customer information and lied their customer .Immediately , Facebook is boycotted , a big proportion their customer don't use their app and now the highest manager must confession his fault , he also say sorry to all of their customer, and hope they will trust facebook again, but it is so difficult.  
  
Another point is that traditional values can link the everyone to close and help the world better. kindness is suitable to make it, a rich man help a poor man, or a development country help a poor country in difficult situation. It will rising up friendship between country . One of the most rich man around the world call Bill Gate was deducted most of his possession to charity, his active make everyone strongly impress .  
  
Of course , I admit that not all people treasure traditional values and still have someone successful , but I believe that values is one thing that people should prioritize to developed in our life .  
  
To sum up , I assert the traditional values is a vital character for anyone to becoming a good citizens and inspire for our children. It is very helpful for development a social .
Please write the prompt of the essay in the start.  
To be honest the complete essay appears to be random with no coherent flow of ideas. Furthermore, there are a lot of grammatical errors throughout the essay. What needs to be done is:  
  
i) KNOW the topic and demands of the essay.  
ii) DECIDE whether you want to defend the topic or go against it. Decision should be made on the basis of the strength of the arguments that you have for both the sides.  
  
iii) Jot down the main points for all the arguments.  
iv) Elaborate on each point separately and clearly without mixing them up, transitioning from one idea to the other in a smooth manner.  
v) Summarize all your arguments in the last paragraph.
## statistics of fitness activity in australia

  
  
The graph compares the proportion of males and females in six distinct age groups who regularly involved in physical exercise in Australia in the year of 2010.  
  
Overall, it is clear that women were more engaged in doing physical exercise in most of the age groups. Meanwhile, the participation rate was very close between males and females in the group of age 65 and over while there was a discrepancy in other age groups.  
  
The highest proportion of men who did workout on a regular basis with 52.8% was in the age group of 15 to 24 while there was only 47.7% in women. By contrast, 53.3% females who were more interested in physical activities, with more than 10% increased than males in the age group of 45 to 54. However, in the age group of 65 and over saw a close rate in men and women who did physical exercise regularly, with 46.7% and 47.1% respectively.  
  
As can be seen, men in the age group of 35 to 44 had the lowest involve rate in regular body building, with just under 40%, while there was over 52% in women counterpart, with a gap of nearly 13% difference. In the meantime, in the age group of 25 to 34 and 55 to 64, both had similar increase rate with just over 7% in females than males who did physical exercise on a regular basis.  
  
the total word is 234. I know it's way too much but had struggle shorten the essay. Any comment and suggestion will be highly appreciated!  
  
*
Hi, I'm not sure about the word count, but I do think that your report could have been a little more clear. There didn't seem to be enough structure to organize the report, so the main part of your report ended up just sounding like 6 sentences comparing the male and female participation rates in the 6 age groups. I think it would have been better if you had said something like: Only in the youngest group did male participation exceed the female participation rate. The results switched in the 25 to 34 group, with females exceeding males by 48.9 to 42.2. The gap got wider in the 35 to 44 group, with women out-participating men by 52.5% to 39.5%, but then difference between the two sexes gradually decreased as the ages got higher until at age 65 and over the rates were almost identical. See, if you give more of an overall feel for the data, then the reader will have a better idea of what the graph is showing.  
  
Here are some specific suggestions:  
  
age groups who were regularly involved  
  
Australia in the year ~~of~~ 2010. {or just "in 2010"}  
  
... men who worked out on a regular basis  
  
By contrast, 53.3% of the females ~~who~~ were ~~more~~ interested in physical activities, ~~with~~ more than 10% ~~increased~~ more than males ... However, ~~in~~  the age group  
  
saw a close rate between men and ...  
  
... had the lowest involvement rate in regular body building, {this regular body building sounds odd, like you are comparing it with irregular body building or something}  
  
... both had similar increase rate {"increase rate" is wrong here} with just over 7% more females than males
## The Military is a way of life, not a profession

  
  
From my childhood, I always used to listen a sentence time and again and that was 'The Military is a way of life, not a profession'. Sometimes I used to laugh at those words but eventually when I joined military I found the word was so true than anything else in the world. From my day-to-day job pattern I have discovered that military job is not confined to its arena but also it works for the betterment of the society. Many times military people are entrusted with such job for which they are not trained enough, but with their perseverance and hard work, they make the job perfect. That's why whenever the nation needs a major project to be accomplished with flawless finishing, it remembers military. That's why probably Bangladesh military people are so much respected. It is a fact that the money will not stay with the dead body but the respect will. The military profession also enhances the arena to learn about different cultures and people's in the home and abroad. Most of the military people are widely travelled for their job responsibility.
Hi, here are my suggestions:  
  
time and again and that stated, 'The Military  
  
... joined themilitary I found the words were more true than anything else  
  
I have discovered that a military ... but one also works for ...  
  
Many times military personnel are entrusted ... they are not adequately trained ~~enough~~  
  
... they make the job perfect. {"do the job perfectly" is what I think you mean}  
  
accomplished with flawless completion, it remembers the military. That's ~~why~~ probably why Bangladesh military people are so well respected.  
  
... the money earned will not stay with the dead body remain after one has passed away, but the respect will.  
... also enhances the arena {"enhances the arena" sounds vague and unclear} to learn  
  
different cultures and peoples at home and abroad. Most ~~of the~~ military ... travelled as part of their job responsibility.
**This is a practice of IELTS writing task.Thank you for your suggestions.**  
**Completed subject: Living in a country where you have to speak different language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. Agree or Disagree?**  
  
## living abroad and speaking a new language

  
  
Immigrating to another country or studying abroad where people speak different language is more widespread in recent years, and many countries become multicultural in this way. Some people argue that it will cause serious social and practical problems. However, as far as I am concerned, the country where lots of people come from different countries and speak different languages has many advantages rather than it is a problem- making issue.  
  
First of all, population diversity is definitely positive, and it makes the country active. People who are living in the country where he/she has to speak a new language would be more knowledgeable because the people know one more language skills and cultures. People like this usually bring fresh blood to the society, particularly they are valuable for many international businesses. For example, if Canadian companies are going to expand business to Thailand, they have to deeply understand the culture of Thailand. Thus, companies would like to welcome and hire people who are living in Canada but originally come from Thailand before they actually expand. Although culture conflict might be happened, the company or country can take advantage of diversity instead of escaping it.  
  
In addition, some people argue that living in a country where they have to speak a new language is one of the reasons of suffering discrimination which is another social problem all the time since they believe it seems soft aggression. However, it can be resolved by companies, governments, institutions and individuals by implementing serious policies, rules and anti-discrimination laws. For instance, in Canada, if an employer treats workers who has English accents differently with people who speak English frequently, it can be seen "Language Discrimination", and the employer will get punished as long as workers claim it.  
  
In conclusion, advantages of living in a country and speaking a new language are obviously more than disadvantages such as some possible social and practical problems. It will be dominant and reasonable once all individuals in the society, like employers and governments, take combined efforts on dealing with these problems due to the diversity.
Hi, @Ann777  
  
I'll try to give you some feedback, however consider that I am not an expert or a mother-tongue speaker, I am studying to do the IELTS too, in few months.  
  
that it this will cause ...  
  
the a country ... different countries (repetition of the same world in the same sentence, you could substitute with cultures)  
  
has many advantages rather than it is a problem- making issue (not clear the construction, you could simply say "has more advantages that disadvantages")  
  
... where he/she has to speak --> It is always also my doubt, anyone else in the forum who knows if there is a rule? Should we use "he", "she" or, as Ann has written, "he/she"?  
  
... conflict might be happened happen  
  
... accents differently with frompeople who speak  
  
In addition there are some passage that are not fully clear to me, e.g.,:  
- It makes the country active --> Active in doing what?  
- It will be dominant and reasonable --> What will be dominant and reasonable?  
- some people argue that living in a country where they ... --> It is difficult to follow the flow of the sentence. I would have written something as "... in a country in which they have to speak a new language has made them subject to social problems such as discrimination, considered like a soft aggression." --> Again do not take my suggestion as 100% correct, it could contain some mistakes too  
  
Hope it will be helpful, good luck with the study ;)
Hi, I am new here, I am repairing for my IELTS examination, I found it hard to practice writing skill without any feedbacks.  
I really appreciate your support!  
  
*## Smacking children is the best form of discipline.

  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?*  
  
Educational approaches are invariably a controversial topic. Some people are of the opinion that violent treatment is the best one to educate children. This essay will argue why using power over children is completely unnecessary.  
  
Some parents claim that it is justifiable to use power over their offsprings. It is obvious that children's behaviors would enhance immediately as a result of fear. Parents would gain the educational goals without much patient. In fact, this kind of approach is still common, especially in Asia. Contrary to the popular belief, it is a fact that violent punishment is an absolutely appropriate .  
  
People often claim that they possess the right to select their educational methods, however, the idea of using violent treatment as the main method is entirely preposterous. Children tend to be frightened by their parents, not to respect them. Additionally, there is scientific evidence that violence could potentially cause mental disorder. Indeed, individuals treated violently at their childhood period would tend to be more brutal than normal persons. People think that violent punishment is an effective way to reinforce children, but they could not be further from the truth.  
  
In conclusion, this essay argued why using power over children cannot be a major approach in order to reinforce the learning process of them. I firmly believe that there are a variety of better methods.
dear @rotlata01,  
try to vary your sentence structures more. you used the same pattern all over your writing so in my opinion, as a reader, I find it quite monotonous. Regarding the idea of your essay, it seems to be clashing. You should have a stronger argument in the second paragraph since you disagreed with the motion. However, the 'obvious' and 'absolutely' (oh and I think you need an article before this word or a noun after the word 'appropriate') words in your writing made your first paragraph sounded too sure that it beat your main view. It is good that you write the argument for both positions but still, one should dominate the other I suppose. Expand your idea, so that your writing can exceed the minimum word requirement and make your essay more alive. Your writing is good already, but a little adjustment here and there will make it better :)  
  
best regard.
Quang, this essay will receive an immediate failing score based on the prompt deviation that you created. The essay is an extent single opinion essay. It is not a cause and effect essay as you have discussed it discussed in your current writing. Compare the Discussion instruction with your response thesis statement:  
  
Discussion question: To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
Response Discussion: This essay will argue why using power over children is completely unnecessary.  
  
In addition to this mistake, you also indicate "power" rather than "spanking" in describing the topic of the essay. "Power" is different from "spanking". Power means"ability to act or produce an effect". While spanking in this instance means "to hit with force to cause pain or injury". Do you see how you will immediately get a failing score in the TA and LR section for this essay? You need to familiarize yourself with more English words and its meaning, along with variations of word usage in terms of words that are spelled differently but have the same meaning. These are called synonyms. You need to improve in these 2 aspects before you can even begin to try and write the practice essays. As of now, this essay is not capable of garnering an even close to passing score because of the problems I mentioned.
## an important person in history who you admire

  
  
*You are entering a writing competition in your local newspaper. You must write about an important person in history who you admire.  
  
Include:  
  
information about who the person is and their early life  
what the person did that made them famous  
why you admire this person*  
  
The general born on August 25th, 1911, in Quang Binh province of Viet Nam. He is the first general of Vietnamese army and the outstanding student of president Ho Chi Minh. As a history teacher at the original time, general Giap was assessed as genial military leader of the 20th century and for all Vietnamese people, "Anh Van" is the Vietnamese national hero forever. The appearance of a significant event in 1927 which generated the turning point of his life was the first time general Giap heard the name of president Ho Chi Minh. He read an essay of Nguyen Ai Quoc thrillingly and exclaimed: "The essay of Nguyen Ai Quoc cause us a wrath as the shockwave". The event was the first link of General Giap and Ho Chi Minh, created the platform of the Vietnamese revolution.  
  
In the entire his career, general Giap has mighty victories which the world known as impossibles missions and the best known is Dien Bien Phu strategy. In 1954, French with the financial and human backing of American had built a military conglomerate which had been supposed unbeatable at Dien Bien Phu. General Giap circumspectly assessed the practical situation, propounded the right strategic direction attack. The conglomerate was equipped most modern weapons at that time and assembled more than 16.200 soldiers. However, the defeat of French was inevitable, they faced a united force under the excellent conductor of general Vo Nguyen Giap. In a desperate effort to counteract Vietnamese troops, the French accepted a pathetic failure. That victory of Viet Nam opened the revolutionary path of downtrodden nations.  
  
Although known as an inbred leader of the century, he had a homely life. Vietnamese people admired him because of his beautiful lifestyle. General Giap has the dearness with children and he wished Vietnamese children could be merry. He taught the next generation must be modest. With all due respect and love, Vietnamese people remembered general Vo Nguyen Giap as a respected father.
Loc, this essay indicates information that covers only the reason why this person became famous. It does not give an autobiographical representation of his life from early childhood. It also does not inform the reader as to why you admire the person. You gave general information about why he is admired, but no personal reason for your having chosen him for this essay as a personal inspiration. The personal inspiration aspect should be depicted in the essay via a comparison with your own life, values, and goals. It should reflect how he lived his life in a manner that inspired others to live in the same way. This does not accomplish the task of the essay in a very good manner. Like I said, you only responded to one aspect of the guide prompts so this is not an essay that be entered into the contest. The grammar is a bit confusing to read at times, but the reader can still figure out what you are trying to say. It is just too bad that it really doesn't allow the reader to get to know the general, in terms of why he inspired your choice. By the way, be careful of your capitalization. The term "general", when used in accordance with a name is always capitalized.
**The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
The bar chart indicates the proportion of Australian men and women in different age stages who exercised regularly in 2010.  
It is clear that female did more regular physical activity than male in most of the age groups of women, except for the age of 15-24.  
  
It is significant that women in the age of 45-54 exercised the most, with 53.3%, while 52.8% of male between the age 15-24 exercised considerably. On the other hand, men in 35-44 seldom exercised, with 39.5%, compared to women 65 and over, which is the least exercise age group has a greater percentage of doing physical activity regularly than men, with 47.1%. Moreover, there was a notable difference at the age of 35-44 between male and female on working out consistently, with 13%.  
  
**Please give me your sugguestion in order to let me improve my writing skill  
I really need your help.  
Thank you**  
  
*
Dorothy, this analytical essay will receive an automatic failing score due to the lack of word count. You failed to meet the minimum word requirement of 150 words. The total count for your essay is only 129. When you do not meet the minimum word count, the essay will be considered as having failed to achieve the task requirements and is incomplete in terms of task accuracy considerations, Hence, the analytical report essay cannot receive a passing mark. In order to achieve this, you have to write at least 5 lines of sentences per paragraph in this 4 paragraph requirement essay. This can be achieved by doing the following:  
  
1. Properly summarize the information in your first paragraph, inclusive of the discussion method, trending statement, and illustration type.  
2. Make sure that you do the appropriate discussion using one paragraph to present the main data, another for comparison discussion, and the last one for any data similarities found in the chart.  
  
Since this is a Task 1 analytical essay, only 4 paragraphs composed of 150 words, 200 at the most, is required. Writing 150 words will give you time to review, edit,revise, and finalize your content. 200 words won't allow for much editing time. Remember, clarity if more important than wordiness. If your essay makes sense to the examiner, then you have achieved your task.  
  
Read the other samples here for more ideas and advice on how to improve your Task 1 writing skills.