dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
A text composed of 190 words will find itself in a good position to receive positive scoring considerations based on the rubic requirements. The writer also need to be careful though because the number of words can also go the opposite way and force him to make avoidable grammar errors.  
  
The text did prove to be the shortcoming of this informative presentation. The sentence structures are incorrect and the punctuation usage is severely limited. Both problems will lead to a lowering of the GRA score due to limited punctuation usage and run-on sentence usage. Each paragraph should be at least 3 sentences long for starters, but no more than 5 sentences towards the end of the paragraph. This is to allow for the full and proper explanation development of the reporting paragraphs.  
  
There is a slight information error in the trending statement. This is supposed to be a general reference measurement sentence / paragraph so specific references such as age groups should not be mentioned at this point. Use a vague reference next time. It would also help if the writer enumerated the information included in the image so that the quick reference guide will be complete when reading it in short form.
## extracurricular activities positive effect to students

  
  
In this day and age, students not only acquire knowledge at school but also participate in extracurricular activities, which enables them to pursue their hobbies. In this essay, I will discuss the benefits of extracurricular activities to secondary school students.  
  
To begin with, extracurricular activities are chances for pupils to broaden their minds about social things, besides subjects and theoretical lessons. Sitting in the class is likely to cause boredom, lack of interest, and applications of that subject in reality. For instance, a field trip encourages students to make use of what they have learned from educators. Furthermore, students can also gain practical experiences, soft skills, interpersonal skills under their belt. One widely accepted advantage of learning outdoors is that pupils feel at ease during the time they input the knowledge. A classic example is that in History, students should make their way to relics, historic places, or in Biology, they could pay a visit to the rainforests, organic farms.  
  
On the other hand , nowadays, not only academic transcripts that vital but also the involvement of pupils in social work. Students are under pressure because there are high standards for them from there parents, instructors. Certificates awarded for enrolling in the campaigns, projects are what student these days are seeking for. The certificates show the abilities in different fields, students's passion, enthusiasm. This is in highly-demand in today modern world as everyone tries to become a global citizen. For example, at prestigious universities such as Havard, Stanford, Oxford,.. the authority assesses students profiles to have a look at their qualifications, degrees. It would be preferred if the students earn high scores on SAT, ACT or even have music certificates like Trinity, Ameb.  
  
In conclusion, I strongly believe that extracurricular activities have many positive effect to students. Schools should involve more activities in the curricula since it inevitably play a great role in students's studying.
The student has not understood the meaning of an extra curricular activity. He has focused incorrectly on outside learning activities as covered by school curriculum such as field trips and other types of certification. All of which fall under academic learning, regardless of location.  
  
An extra curricular activity is something that the student does for enjoyment that does not necessarily include formal learning as discussed in this essay. Examples of extra curricular activities are clubs, athletics, or hobbies. These are done outside of the school curriculum and are participated in during off school hourse such as weekends, holidays, or after school. Another term for extra curricular activities would be after school activities or any activity the person participates in that does not include any sort of school supervision or learning slant.  
  
Based on this definition of extra curricular activities, the examiner will immediately understand that the writer did not understand the true meaning of the word. The writer had a different concept of the word meaning that does not apply to the discussion. Therefore, there will no choice on the examiner's part but to give a failing score to this essay due to an irrelevant discussion presentation.
## changes in the birth rates - China vs USA

  
  
The given line graph illustrates data regarding how the rates of birth in China and the USA fluctuated from 1920 to 2000.  
  
Overall, while both nations witnessed a general downward trend, the USA's birth proportion was slightly higher than that of China over the provided period.  
  
In terms of the natality rate of America, although commencing at above 10% in 1920, the fertility percentage in this country took a dramatic plunge, hitting a low point at around 5% in 1945, then bouncing back to 15% for the following five years, at which point, the proportion showed a gradual decrease to roughly 7% in 2000.  
  
Likewise, the Chinese counterpart underwent a comparatively similar pattern. Particularly, the fertility rate of China started at 10% in 1920, then fluctuated to 15% in 1935 before declining sharply to a plateau from 1940 to 1945. It was at this time that the volume demonstrated significant growth, reaching a peak of 20% in 1950. Since then, it fell steadily to approximately 3% in 2000.  
  
*
The summary overview is too short. The summary overview should be at least 3 sentences long. That means the paragraph should refer to:  
  
Sentence 1: Type of image  
Sentence 2: Image reference  
Sentence 3: Measurement type used  
  
The trending summary should also be at least 3 sentences long if indicated as a stand alone paragraph. That is done when explaining a 2 or 3 image trend. In instances where that is not possible, the single trending sentence should be combined into the summary overview as sentence 4. This is done to help the paragraphs meet the academic requirement of 3-5 sentences per presentation section.  
  
A major examination of the GRA skills of the writer will be done by the examiner for this essay. The reason being that he does not complete paragraph presentations, only run-on sentences. Run-on sentences will result in an overall failing score because the information presentation is too compressed and leads to a confusing explanation. The writer also shows limited sentence structuring abilities, a lack of punctuation usage knowledge, and an inability to clearly explain his thoughts to the reader.  
  
These are the main reasons why, even though the writing meets the minimum word requirements, it will not receive a passing score.
## **Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to success**

.  
*What is the reason for doing this? Is this a negative or positive development?*  
  
In these modern days, children are the one who are hoped to be successful by parents so parents have to push hard on their children. In this essay, I will first explain the reason for doing this and secondly will evaluate if this can lead to a good development.  
  
There are various causes to put pressure on children, yet two of them will be explained. At the begining, in the young ages, youngsters often cannot focus on their main work, such as studying, and can easily get distracted by any games. The Scientists have stated that there are a numerous rate children who choose playing rather than studying. So that parents have to put their eyes on their children to make sure that kids will not get distracted. Furthermore, succeed is the only thing people fight for, the same as the caregivers, they want their youngsters to have the good position in society. For example, Asian parents will take their kids to many academic centers to learn at extra classes, thus they win with flying colors and be a good leader. Therefore, children have more pressure by their parents.  
  
Many people believe this prespective lead to a positive development because ancientors have once said pressure can make a diamond. For instance, if a young child is put enough pressure by his caregivers, definitely oneday that child will have a lot of social positions. As a result, not only the child prouds of himself or herself but also he or she become the good example for many people.  
  
In conclusion, as fas as I concern, chidren can be in their better version within the parents' pressure and this sould be encouraged more. I suggest parents should put pressure on their children in the right method so that advoided children being stressed.
The first paragraph is the writer's restatement and opnion presentation. This is based on the original discussion directive. It is a direct restatement of the original topic. It should not included writer's opinion in the opening presentation. In this instance, the writer's opinion   
  
children are the one who are hoped to be successful by parents  
should not be a part of the restatement. It can however, be integrated into the direct response for the writer's opinion.  
  
The writer's opinion should directly respond to the questions being asked by presenting a summarized form of his reasoning paragraphs. That means, the writer should not restate the discussion instructions because he will not receive a TA score for that. The TA score is based at the start on the writer's direct responses to the provided questions. Known as the thesis statement, it helps establish the discussion path of the essay in the succeeding paragraphs.  
  
The reasoning paragraph division is incorrect in this presentation. While the second paragraph or first reasoning paragraph establishes the reasons behind the pressure and equally establishes the evidence for this claim, The positive or negative opinion was not clearly explained in the next paragraph as expected. Rather, the writer incorrectly used it as a concluding statement for the essay, which would lead to an automatic failing score. The automatic failing score will be due to the lack of proper summarized conclusion based on the preceding discussion. The positive or negative opinion should have been a stand alone third paragraph or second reasoning paragraph because it requires a completely developed discussion and evidence presentation similar to the causes paragraph. This is only a 4 paragraph discussion based on the provided discussion topics. The questions will always dictate the number of reasoning paragraphs, which will range between 2 - 3 paragraphs. The rule of thumb is:  
  
1 question = 2 reasoning paragraphs  
2 questions = 2 reasoning paragraphs  
3 questions = 3 reasoning paragraphs  
  
An additional error in the concluding statement is that the writer indicated a possible solution or suggestion to the situation. This is a statement that is not a part of the discussion development instruction. It led to a prompt change as it is an additional topic. Additionally, it left the essay without a proper concluding summary presentation. The lack of a proper summary conclusion will always result in a failing score for the essay.
... are the ~~one~~ones who are ... (this sentence is too complicated, i reckon you should put 2 clauses in 1 sentence). In this essay, I will ... (How about this: My essay will give explanations of this before my own justification is given.)  
  
... At the begining, **in the young ages, youngsters** (i think you should choose one of them to avoid duplication) often cannot focus ... get distracted by ~~any~~ games. The Scientists have stated that there are a numerous rate children who choose playing rather than studying. *(this example is unreliable)***(this example is unreliable)** So that parents ... kids will not get distracted. Furthermore, ... For example, ... centers to learn ~~at~~ extra classes (learn sth), thus they ~~win~~ could pass the exams with flying colors ...  
  
(...)  
  
In conclusion, ... and this sould be encouraged more. I suggest ... the right method so that ~~advoided~~ children being stressed. (my recommendation: in order to prevent children from being stressed)
## proportion of time spent with phones and tablets

  
  
The graphics compare information about the duration which people use for smartphones and tablets.  
  
It can be clearly seen that the proportions of games and social networking account for the largest part on both devices. Whereas, news and utilities take up the least on smartphones and tablets respectively.  
  
Playing games makes up over a third of total time spent on smartphones (35%). Besides, the time of spending on the same on smartphones is more than a half (57%). Then, the second largest percentage of time spent on both devices is still similar, that is social networking. But they use it on smartphones almost twice as much time than they use it on tablets.  
  
When it comes to news, on average people spend the least time on it, just 3% on smartphones and 4% on tablets. Meanwhile, the proportion of time spent on utilities on smartphones (20%) is nearly sevenfold on tablets (3%). In addition, there is not much difference between 2 devices in time consumed on music, videos and other uses.  
  
*
The word "graphics" could indicate numerous image types. It is not specific enough to describe a task 1 image. The type and number of images must always be properly indicated in the summary overview. Otherwise, the summary will only serve to confuse the reader and lower the C+C and GRA preliminary scores for this report.  
  
By having a stand alone trending reference, the essay misses out on the proper formatting for this analytical presentation. The trend should be folded into the summary overview and then 3 reporting paragraphs should be presented for the reporting analysis. The 3 paragraph format should be used for the report since this is a 2 image reference study.  
  
As far as the grammar of the writer, he must remember that an English sentence should not start with the transition words "because", "but, or "and" because these are conjunctions which are used to connect related ideas within a single sentence. As such, it cannot be used at the start of a sentence since there is no information to connect at that point.
***Some people say that the elderly ought to live at senior homes. Others think that they should live with their family members.***  
## Do you agree or disagree?

  
  
It is a common belief that nursing homes are the best place for the elderly. However, I firmly believe that they should live with their blood relatives because family members are responsible for taking care of them and they will live happier when living with their relatives for the rest of their life.  
  
To begin with, family members must be responsible for caring for their parents and grandparents. In childhood, children were nurtured and educated by their parents, and parents devoted their time, effort, and even youth to bringing kids up. When parents get older, children must have an obligation to look after them back. For example, there are numerous extended families in Vietnam where multi generations live together under the same roof and it is a chance for family members to show love and care for their parents and grandparents.  
  
On top of that, the elderly will live happier when living with their family members. When living with their blood relatives, bonds and relationships among members make them feel positive and peaceful. While living at senior homes, the old get lonely and feel abandoned which raises the high rate of experiencing sickness in their old age. According to a recent survey, the elderly tend to have higher life expectancy when they live with their blood relatives and are treated well. This demonstrates how essential relationships with family members are to help the old live happier.  
  
To sum up, family members should have responsibility for caring for their parents and grandparents and the old will live happier when living with their relatives. For these reasons, it is clear that the elderly should live with their blood relatives for the rest of their life.
The writer has misrepresented the original discussion topic in the prompt restatement section. Since there are actually 2 points of view being explained in the first version, it is not proper to say that the idea is a "common belief". He cannot interpret only one of the 2 provided ideas. He must restate each idea individually in the restatement. Otherwise, the accuracy of the restatement is faulty and will not meet the maximum positive scoring requirements for that particular section. He also forgot to respond directly to the question before offering his thesis statement. Although his reasoning sentence does indicated which side of the discussion he supports, the examiner still expects to read a direct response to the question as integrated into the thesis statement. The response should have been:  
  
I disagree with the idea that the elderly should live in homes because...  
  
Always blend the direct response with the reasoning summary to help meet the clear opinion statement requirement.  
  
Save for this particular shortcoming, the essay actually carries sound discussion points and properly stays on track with the single opinion defense response in both reasoning paragraphs. Good word on the explanation development. Even with the error at the start, I sense that this essay should receive at least a base passing score.
## Do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

  
  
In these days, with the light of proliferation of technology, many people, and children in particular, are passionate about playing games on digital devices. Even though some people argue that these games can play positive role in daily lives, I firmly convince that it can have potentially negative long-term effects on users.  
  
On the one hand, it can be understandable that computer games prompt the players to entertain and study. Initially, there are a wide range of games are equipped with detailed instruction teaching fundamental attributes to players. For instance, Cooking Mama game bring an opportunity for players to know more recipes and gradually sharpen their cooking skills. Therefore, gaming applications are likely to accumulate the user's knowledge as well as skills, which is possibly necessary to become the fully participating members of society in the future. Furthermore, games designed with catchy tune, fascinating plot and beautiful characters also unwind the gaming players after a stressful week of work.  
  
Notwithstanding all aforementioned merits, there are several incentives surrounding my outlook. First and foremost, there is a tendency that video games not only affect user's study adversely but also accompany with their health. In this day and age, users are constantly given scores, a new targets and frequent rewards to keep them playing. Nowadays, people may consider amusements as " must-have company" and glue to the smart gadgets whenever and wherever they can. As a results, sooner or later, they would be contracted with various illness and study downfall. To illustrate, in the statistics in my hometown recently, the majority of eye-weaken people, ranging from young to adult, spend at least 3 hours playing amusing app.  
  
In conclusion, it may be desirable that although playing computer games broaden the horizon of gamers, in my perspective, potential dangers of these games are more significant than possible upsides.
The writer clearly understands what the discussion topic is about. However, his approach to the discussion does not follow the single opinion format as required. The examiner will fully expect the writer to strongly defend his opinion within the 2 discussion paragraphs. That means, the writer must follow the compare and contrast format for the response presentation. The format is:  
  
Why is it a positive? State the reasons that would convince the reader it is truly a positive factor. Be as convincing as possible. Then, think about the same reasons and why it would be a negative. In this essay, the writer indicated that these games would sharpen the skills of the player. Yes, it enhances visual acuity, but it does not sharpen the real time, physical, practical skills of the player in terms of cooking. That is where the actual drawback of the benefit lies. The reason of the writer is then based on a proper explanation of the misunderstanding regarding skills development within a video game. This is only an example of the type of explanation that the examiner would tend to score more highly than the version the writer decided to use.  
  
Remember that the clue to the discussion topics are presented in the original prompt. The keywords that represent the correct discussion are:  
  
Video games  
Harmless fun  
useful educational tools  
Adverse effect  
  
These are the reflection points the writer must use during his outlining and drafting stage to allow for a prompt directed discussion leading to a balanced opinion presentation. By pairing the keywords for use in each discussion paragraph, the writer will reflect a fully developed discussion as expected by the examiner. He should present paragraphs that focus on:  
  
Reason 1: Video games are harmful fun - health issues, lack of physical exercise, etc. may be considered for the discussion  
Reason 2: Has an adverse effect as an educational tool - Lack of proper physical skills development in relation to the game being played. (e.g. Cooking Mama - physical knife skills, ability to properly use kitchen equipment, etc.)
## energy usage in an average Australian household

  
  
The pie charts compare the proportions of energy use in an average Australian household through six activities, and the percentage of the greenhouse gas emissions from those actions.  
  
Overall, it can be seen that heating contains the largest proportion of energy use, while the opposite is true for cooling. Additionally, water heating has the largest percentage of gas emission out of six aspects. Furthermore, cooling has the lowest amount of gas exhaust.  
  
Regarding the first chart, the percentage of consumed energy is highest in heating, at 42%, followed by water heating and other appliances, with 30% and 15% respectively. 7% of energy is expensed in refrigeration, whilst powders in lighting account for 4%. Besides, energy consumed in cooling was the least, at only 2%.  
  
In terms of the second chart, 32% of gas emission is created by water heating, similar to that of other actions, at 28%. Heating contains 15%, which is 1% higher than the figure for refrigeration. The amount of gas exhaust in lighting is much lower, at 8%, while cooling only almost half of that, at 3%.
When developing the summary overview, separate the image identifiers and the respective image content. That is to clearly indicate how the division of information is set out, even without giving the actual number of images provided. Remove the confusion about which image informs about what. It is always clearer to say :  
  
"*Pie Chart A indicates the proportion of energy used... Pie chart B supports this information by indicating information related to..."*  
  
The trending paragraph would also benefit from a much clearer reference that clearly relates the image, the information and the trend. Just format the presentation to something similar to the example above. These clarified presentations will allow the exam taker to gain a higher preliminary TA score.  
  
Overall, the information sharing is acceptable throughout the presentation. However, the way the images relate to the information remain confusing and unclear to the reader. A major factor for the reduction in the C+C and GRA score of this essay. Learn to create clearer sentences that prioritize clarity for scoring purposes over the quickness by which the information is shared. Every paragraph is allowed up to 5 sentences or 200 words (whichever comes first) anyway.