dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
For male mosquitofish, bigger genitals mean more mating success, and surprisingly the development of male organs lead females to evolve their brain size, become larger, to escape from overeager mates. The mating system between males and females mosquitofish started when the males sneak up and attempt to copulate by force using a modified anal fin, called the gonopodium, in order to send sperm into females. Severine Buechel and colleagues conducted a research to test the notion that females develop bigger brains to defend against males, and males response it by evolve their brains too. The study found that there was no evidence that male brains got bigger at the same time as females. The mating system which is far from romantic among mosquitofish triggers many risks for females, and having a lager brain might help them to spot and get away from males. According to Buechel, brain development might be gone in different way, and it depends on adopted mating strategy.  
  
newscientist
Some suggestions for better clarity:  
"...bigger genitals means more mating success. Suprisingly..."  
"become larger and to escape from over eager males."  
in the second sentence started should be starts.  
"anal fin, called the gonopodium,..." omit the first comma.  
"and males response it by evolve their brains too. " change this to "and males responded by evolving their brains as well."  
  
I would change your second to last sentence to: "The mating system is far from romantic among mosquitofish poses many risks for females, and having a larger brain may help them to spot and get away from males."  
  
Just a couple questions about the content as well. I was confuse while reading, do male triggerfish's brains grow or not? The answer was not entirely clear.  
  
I like the content and the subject is interesting, it just needs so grammar fixes. Make sure you are writing the the correct tense. Read it out loud and that may help you with spoting some issues with clarity.
Some suggestions to help clean it up and bring more clarity:  
  
"it is undoubted that all early civilizations" this should be "nearly"  
  
In the 3rd sentence you could just start with "Ancient civilizations", you can omit the word "these."  
  
In the first sentence of the second paragraph you refer to ancient Egyptians in the present tense, say they were innovative thinkers, not are.  
  
Also pyramids should be plural as there are 3 of them in Egypt. "Egypt is well-known for their extraordinary Pyramid, which is one of the seven wonders of the modern world." You should say "Egypt is well known for its extraordinary pyramids which are one of the seven wonders of the world."  
  
"Egyptian's social structure is arranged" this should say "Egypt's social structure was arranged..."  
  
"Soldiers that protected the" should be "soldiers who protected..."  
  
"But, at the highest class comparing to Egypt as Pharaoh is the leader ..."  
This is a run on sentence and is not very clear, I had a hard time understanding what you were saying. You should never start a sentence with "but."  
  
Pretty good essay but needs a little work, I would suggest that you read it out loud, that may help you see any issues with clarity and grammar.
Chaos theory is a branch of physics and mathematics that focus on the alteration of dynamic variables. Initially, chaos theory was evolved when the scientist observed the movement of the planet and changes in environment. However, this theory can also be applied in economy field. For some economist, this theory can be used to forecasting and making a prediction of financial evidence. In 1990, the number of economist increased in the research involving chaos theory to seek out the model of forecasting. The basic ideas in making the model was by involving the pattern of change and development, and taking into account all viable variables. These notions made forecasting become over-challenging. The chaos theory, actually, change the linear system which is believed in the past, become non-linear system with involving the variables alterations. All we can learn from chaos theory is that it simply teaches about accepting uncertainty.  
  
source : IELTS Cambridge
**Q: some people say that the clothes people wear are the most important indication of what they are like. Others, however, say that people should not be judged by the clothes they wear.**  
  
Answer:  
In the last decade, there has been a considerable debate whether people can be judge from what they wear. It is undeniable to say that people can freely choose clothes they like while they cannot be assessed from their appearance. However, honestly I totally agree about that contention, because someone is eligible to choose clothes which they like.  
  
In fact, the majority of people in the world contend that their looks is pointing out their images, particularly their behavior and attitude. It can be happen because many of people often assumed of others according their appearance. However, in my opinion , everyone should be not doing that because someone has a unique style which is diverse with others. For instance, someone who admire a rock star would imitate how his idol looks like. Nevertheless, his personality is very different from his idol. While the person he like is violent, he does not. In short, we cannot judge people characteristic from their appearance.  
  
In addition, certain people also tend to wear clothes according colour, for example someone only like to wear blue t-shirt and blue jeans. Furthermore, some people like to wear anything clothes but it must comfortable to them. In my point of view, it is no matter to someone wearing anything, nevertheless the main important it must polite and suitable for occasion. For instance someone wear fence clothes when attend funeral occasion. I think is not suitable and very impolite.  
  
To sum up, briefly, regarding that issue, I would like to reiterate that every people do not eligible to judge others according their looks and style because clothes not certain determine people's behavior.
The important thing that is missing from your essay is a proper thesis statement and the outline of your thesis statement. These two elements are essential because they can help you achieving your desirable band score (6 or above). Thus, I would like to help you by rephrasing your introductory paragraph into a well-developed response towards the prompt. I hope you can follow through.  
  
~~In the last decade, there has been a considerable debate [...], because someone is eligible to choose clothes which they like.~~  
  
*These days, it is believed that people's quality can be seen from the outfits that they wear while some people think that clothes are not supposed to be the indicator to judge people. However, I would personally agree with the second view due to outfits cannot represent people's quality. This essay will discuss, first, how assuming people's images based on appearance is not justifiable and second, they have their own tendency to choose whatever clothes that they like.*
Aloha Kurnia, here are my thoughts for you;  
  
**(1) word choices**  
basically, it is absolutely crucial that you enrich your vocabulary because IELTS test is also about vocabulary test. So, let me share some vocabulary you can use to change yours such as;  
  
- people => persons, individuals, inhabitants, citizens, etc  
- in the last decade => in the meantime, these days, etc.  
- I totally agree => I am more likely to be in agreement, I tend to argue that this notion is the best choice, etc  
- I totally disagree => I am more likely to against this notion, I tend to be opponent with this notion, etc  
  
**(2) understanding question**  
I find your essay almost does not answer the question owing to the phrase **"what they are like"**. Let me explain, "what they are like" means "what they are similar" for instance, in my country, Indonesia, if you wear white clothes, you will appear similar to a nurse or a doctor. **"what they like"** means "what they enjoy or be fond of" for example, I like pastel clothes because I can be feel free when wearing this.  
  
**(3) taking an example**  
I suggest that when taking an example, you'd better provide readers with **your personal experience** or **the result of study** that you have ever read or listened to.  
  
I hope it can be helpful and I am waiting for your feedback
**Some people say that the clothes people wear are the most important indication of what they are like. Others, however, say that people should not be judged by the clothes they wear. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.**  
  
Nowadays, certain people say that appearance of people is one of the essential indication f what severe characteristics they are like while the others argue people have not to judge by their appearance. Personally, there are several factors affect people appearance such as age, culture and job.  
  
In several conditions, people should be obey of their company which make rules about the employees appearance because they are work in different work environment and they should adapt to their new work atmosphere. Their appearance will affect people impression for them and it have an important role in the process of work. For illustrate, someone work as a bank officer should be keep their appearance such as tidy and clean because they have to meet the bank costumers and occupants serve them with good attitude. Both of tidy and clean appearance and good attitude will make the costumers are comfortable.  
  
In the other side, some people view their appearance as parts of their passion while the others show their appearance as an identity of their age and their culture. They argue that appearance is not representing their real look like because they have several specific reasons such as their lifestyle, age or job. For illustrate, a field engineer should be work in land mining, they use wear-pack and safety helmet and sometimes they inspect systems in the mining make them dirty and stingy while others meet them and they do not know about the job, they will assess the occupant as a person unaware about cleanliness and appearance.  
  
All in all, age, culture and job are the several factors affect to people appearance and I tend to a statement that do not judge the book by its cover because every person has their personal background about their appearance decision.
Sorry to say that this essay might only reach either 4 or 5 due to unclear both views discussion. You are suggested to discuss the first view (about clothes represent characteristics) and the second view (about people cannot be judged based on their appearance), as simple as that. Then why did you jump up to quite unrelated answer? You're not being told to look for the factors that affect the appearance, but you might need to alter the word formation into the most appropriate one. For instance, instead of saying "there are several factors affect people appearance such as age, culture and job.", you can just say "people cannot be judged by their appearance because it doesn't represent what is the real quality of a person itself."  
  
Also, you need to learn more about grammar. It looks really messy and confusing for the reader. Try to come up with simple sentences first if you're not sure about what you're going to write. Remember, less accurate complex sentences would make your band score can only reach 5 in terms of grammatical range and accuracy.
hi dioba,  
  
> i found that your essay is not answer the task, because i think your idea it nor really clear.  
  
> For 'both views' task, you should mention the given notion and discuss it, well, i would say that your first body should discuss about CLOTHES ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT INDICATION and your second body should discuss about the counter-argument : DO NOT JUDGE PEOPLE BY THEIR CLOTHES.  
  
> i also found that YOUR ESSAY IS LESS COHERENCE because you mention several factor that affect people, and i think you do not need them, just focus on both views albeit perhaps it would be needed for explanation.  
  
> the predominant issues for your essay are your grammar (it not quite good, there are many mistakes and leading to vague and confusing sentence ) and your complex sentence which are less accurate.  
  
> it would be better if you learn about linking verb.  
  
so these are my correction for your essay  
  
...certain people say that ~~appearance of people~~people appearance~~is~~becomes one of the essential indication....  
  
...of what severe characteristics they ~~are~~look like...  
  
while the others argue THAT people ~~have not to judge~~SHOULD NOT BE JUDGED by their appearance....  
  
...people ~~should be obey~~SHOULD OBEY~~of~~ their company...  
  
... because they ~~are~~ work in different ~~work~~ environment, and they should adapt to ~~their~~ new ~~work~~ atmosphere.... (REPETITION : WORK)..  
  
so dioba, that is my sample correction, i hope you can fix the rest of your essay..  
i hope it will help, keep writing and break a leg.  
  
regards.
A breakdown of the information about examination outcome of people opinion in 2005 and 2009 about employee relationships with their supervisors and partners are shown in the pie charts and measured in percent. Overall, very good relationship with their supervisors and partners is the highest percentage of relationship while poor relationships between occupants and supervisors in 2005 as equal as the percentage of relationships in 2009.  
  
The percentage of very good relations between occupants and supervisor had an increase slightly from 61 percent in 2005 to almost seven-ten after four years and the percentage of no answer disappeared in 2009 from a small number in 2005. Moreover, in 2005 and 2009, the percentage of poor relations remained constant in 2 percent.  
  
In the other hand, there was the percentage of poor relationship with co-workers in 1 percent in 2005 while in 2009 they disappeared. The percentage of relationship represents very good between workers and his partners in 2005 and 2009 had above 63 percent while poor relationship is the lowest percentage of relationships with partners.  
  
*
The percentage of " very good" relations between occupants and supervisor increased slightly from 61% in 2005 to almost 70% in 2009. The percentage of " no answer" disappeared in 2009 ...  
  
... relations remained constant at 2 percent.  
  
On the other hand, (...) relationship with co-workers: 1 percent in 2005 while none in 2009. The percentage of "very good" relationship between workers and his partners, in 2005 and 2009, was above 63 percent while that of "poor" relationships is the lowest of them among the relationships with partners.
Dear Dioba, here some advice for your writing and feel free to correct me too!  
  
...~~is~~**were** the highest percentage of ...  
  
...occupants and supervisor had ~~an~~ increase**d** slightly from 61 percent in 2005...  
  
**Moreover,** The percentage of relationship ~~represents~~**represented** very good between workers and his partners ~~in 2005 and 2009 had~~**at** above 63 percent...  
  
....while poor relationship ~~is~~**was** the lowest percentage ...  
  
***(Overall, you've a good skill in writing task 1 with compound and complex sentences, and several comparisons. However, take a notice regarding your grammar since i find several mistakes in your essay. And also don't forget about conjunction because it's crucial if you want to make a coherence in your writing.)***  
  
Regards
This is the topic:  
  
**Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.**  
  
It is needless to say that teaching children to be a good member of society is an important issue. However, where is the best place to for children to learn it? Is it family or school? I believe the answer goes to the former.  
  
Family is the first small society that children are exposed to. This is the vital period to develop their personalities. Children tend to imitate people around them because they are innocent. Therefore, it is crucial that other family members should be aware of their behaviors because they are the models for the children. Parents should not only avoid making bad examples but also teach their kids to tell rights from wrongs. This is the precious time to cultivate their values toward the society in the future.  
  
On the other hand, some people support the idea of that school is the right place to learn this concept instead of family. However, there are different kinds of students in the school. Children might be influenced by some bad classmates. If their parents have not taught them the right values in advance, they might not even know that they are making mistakes. For example, some kids might consider alcohol just another kind of beverage because they don't have enough knowledge to recognize the negative consequences behind. All their friends drink it so they follow. That is the potential problem if children are not taught before going to school.  
  
According to the reasons above, I strongly agree with that parents should start to help their children to realize how to be a good member in society rather than let them learn it in school which is too late. After all, it is hard to predict what kinds of friends the children will meet in the future.  
  
I'm going to take IELTS tomorrow OMG!!!!!  
Please help me with my writing~~~~~  
If it's possible please give a score you think this essay deserves from IELTS standards.  
Thank you very much if you're reading this!!  
  
**Is it TOO DIFFICULT for you to grasp the concept of proper thread title?**
First of all, I do not think your introduction is appropriate for the exam. I will suggest to use this rule :  
  
- A background sentence giving some background information on the essay topic.  
- A more detailed sentence linking the background sentence to the thesis.  
- A thesis that presents your point of view on your given topic.  
- An outline sentence declaring the 2 points you are going to use to support your thesis.  
  
Even though, follow this pattern is not a must, it will definitely win you additional points.  
  
Give you opinion at the Introduction, because this really easy the process of reading. Try to not ask questions in this part of your writing.  
  
About your second paragraph, i belive it would be better to combine some of the sentences - in your variant, they are way too short and seem relatively easy - try using conective world, like "which", "that" ...  
  
Also I think you have made several mistakes, but hopefully someone more advanced will be able to help you with that.  
  
3-rd paragraph - again your sentences are from one type and don't look complicated enough. I don't think you expressed your thoughts in the best possible way and they are hard to be followed.  
  
Good luck tomorrow and hopefully you will achieved your needed band.
**Dutch investigators strike blow against Russian fact free politics brought BUK**  
  
After Malaysia airlines shutting down by Russian missile on 17 July 2014, 298 people were killed in such incident. While Russia media reported that it was caused by Ukrainian rocket who actually wanted to shot Putin's plane, the Dutch-led Joint Investigation team argued the airline felt due to BUK warhead utilizing by the Russian army. Albeit, it was assumed as speculation and there was no abundant evidence.  
  
Source: economist
Lincoln, I am sure that this is too short for an article summary. You are suggested to write more than 4-5 sentences in a paragraph. It would be approximately consist of 100 words minimum.  
  
Aside from grammatical feedback, I would say that the content of your summary seems a bit jumpy. After stating that this happened either because of Ukranian rocket or Russian army warhead, you just directly jumped to the fact that this is only a speculation due to lack of evidence. I reckon that you need to explain why they eventually say that this is a speculation while they claim that this is a new investigation. You need to underline that investigation is far more different than speculation. How can a new investigation jumped to speculation? This is what you need to explore.
**The table below gives information about changes in modes of travel in England between 1985 and 2000.**  
  
A breakdown of the average distance in miles how people move to somewhere else in England from 1985 to 2000, is depicted in the table. Overall, it can be seen that car experienced the most favorite transportation in both years, while taxi recorded the smallest in the first category year and bicycle in the rest year.  
  
To begin with, the majority of transportation mode in 2000 was higher than in 1985. Firstly, car showed the highest distance of people at 4,806, while bicycle was the least popular at 41 in 2000. After that, taxi in 1985 showed at 13, while in 2000 recorded above three times higher in 2000.  
  
On the other hand, there were a decrease in the number of transportation mode between 1985 and 2000. First of all, local bus appeared at 429 in 1985, while it was smaller at 274 in 2000. There was a drop in the distance of bicycle by 10 at 41, while local bus had the greatest drop by 155 in 2000.  
  
*   
*Question*
Mardian, apart from the above-mentioned feedback from one of EF contributors, I would like to focus on your content. However, I might say that your content seems not strong enough to cover all the necessary information that is given. This is because your paragraphing structure might lack of sentence(s). You need to bear in mind that each paragraph for either IELTS task 1 or task 2 needs to have at least three sentences per each. The idea is to have you present a complete thought and understanding of the chart given and possibly describe all the necessary information without missing any of it. Format your opening paragraph this way:  
  
A breakdown of... (1st sentence)  
Overall, it can be... (2nd sentence)  
Additionally, there is... (3rd sentence)  
  
Also, you need to know that an overview sentence is not simply consisted of the largest and the lowest data. You need to analyze the stage or possibly a general comparison instead of only mentioning the largest and lowest. This would be dangerous towards your band score if your overview sentence doesn't adequately cover the general information that is needed. In terms of Task Achievement, this essay would only worth 5 because of unclear overview sentence.