dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## changing family roles

  
  
It is obvious that family structure, along with the roles of family members has undergone several significant changes in recent decades. There exist some debates over this topic; however, from my perspective these alterations are undeniably positive.  
  
Some conventional family structures and roles have become obsolete. The upward trend for families with both parents working is among the most prominent revolutions. Women keep pursuing higher education and careers even after marriage instead of staying at home and becoming housewives. At the same time, husbands spend more time on domestic tasks which were once attributed to women. In addiction, people now are more inclined to nuclear family rather than extensive one. A recent survey in a high school has showed that only one in fifteen students live in a multigeneration household.  
  
These developments exert positive effects on individuals. Firstly, families with double incomes are more likely to have a high living-standard . It is clear that children gain access to prestigious schools for well-rounded education thanks to their parents' large budgets. As the results, they are well equipped with profound knowledge and survival skills to make their career path to prosperity. Also, the whole family stand a golden chance of experiencing good services in term of healthcare, transport or entertainment. Secondly, conflicts among family members can be minimized in nuclear families. People from different age groups and occupations in multigeneration families with contradictory ideas apparently trigger frequent arguments. However, smaller age gap in nuclear families makes it easier for parents to understand their children, which in turn reduce verbal quarrels.  
  
In brief, critics raise objections on the loss of traditional values in families, it is inevitable that practical alterations take place to meet the demand of the modern world.
Your prompt restatement is incomplete. You indicated the topic sentence, but not the reasons for the discussion. The reason for the discussion is because of the changing family roles. You forgot to note that in your presentation, creating an incomplete restatement of the original prompt. However, you did a good job in representing your opinion as required by the essay.  
  
There is no "upward" trend in this discussion. This is not a task 1 essay. You should make sure to use the correct reference word in the essay because your errors in word usage and vocabulary reference will result in LR deductions with every error made. It would have been better if you had said "The modern trend" instead. At least that refers to a general reference and time frame. You also said "In addiction", when you meant to say "In addition". Addiction means "the state of being compulsively committed to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming". While "addition" means to include something. Do you see now why word usage and vocabulary is very important? One single error in word usage changes the meaning of your sentence or, makes it difficult to understand.  
  
Your conclusion is less than 40 words. It is incomplete in terms of summarizing the previous discussion. Always restate the topic, the reasons, and your opinion (if required) in this section so that you can get a good score for your reverse paraphrase.
## The advantages of Internet

  
  
The Internet is known as one of the greatest inventions in the modern world as it is truly advantageous to human beings in every aspect of life. Despite its disadvantages, people still prefer it because of the following benefits.  
  
First of all, the Internet has changed how people communicate because the birth of emails and social networking applications such as Facebook, Whatsapp, Instagram .... have enabled people to contact each other faster and easier. Moreover, these applications are simple and convenient to use for people of all ages and backgrounds. Additionally, it is an enormous source of knowledge and information in all fields (life, work, study....). Also, it helps overcome geographical distance by offering learners online-course or applicants worldwide job sites. Last but not least, no one can not deny the amusement of it. Everyone, for example, just stays at home and enjoys the world through movies, music... which are easily found on the websites. Similarly, shopping online has reduced much customer's time and effort because of connected contribution and payment channels.  
  
In summary, The Internet has become an indispensable part of human life because of how it connects people and accompanies us in working, learning, and even entertaining. Therefore, we had better make effective use of it; otherwise, its disadvantages may outweigh the supposed advantages.
If you would still allow me to insert my review of your essay since you seem to have settled on unofficial review of a fellow student, I would like to present my opinion of your work. Of course you may choose to ignore my opinion since you already hold the review of a fellow, untrained student in high regard. You may take my advice or not. The choice is yours.  
  
It appears that you did not discuss the essay based on a proper restatement of the original prompt. I believe the original prompt was:  
  
*Some people say that the internet provides... Which view do you agree with?*  
  
So the original discussion is focused on the great amount of information the internet provides in comparison to the problems that the access to that information creates. Which view did you really agree with? That of the internet offering tremendous amounts of information or, that the access to this information is a bad thing? It was not about the disadvantages of the internet and the benefits it actually offers. I believe that you have discussed the wrong prompt and actually, given a wrong prompt restatement as well. That is because the original prompt, and other prompts similar to it, based on the same topic, all follow the same discussion instruction and format, which you totally altered in terms of content and approach in your presentation. This could result in a lower than expected TA score for you, which would be a disadvantage to your essay presentation.  
  
Never use ellipses in a formal, academic essay. It is not good to leave the reader wondering about what you have to say. That punctuation mark is only useful in creative writing essays. Using the bracket is acceptable in the essay, but do not use it more than once. Repeating the use of brackets will limit your GRA score. Use several sentence structures and presentation variations throughout to increase your scoring potential. Make sure you use the different presentation formats properly though, avoid repetitions so that your GRA score will not be negatively affected in the end.
@Holt  
I appreciate your comment on my punctuation marks as well as sentence structures. I'll keep that in mind.  
  
About the wrong prompt you pointed out, I just want to say that this is only a part of essay to show how I arrange ideas for advantages of the Internet and that's the reason why not the whole essay to give clear disscusion between the good and the bad sides of it. Also, I know the openinng and the concluding paragraph is a bit ambiguous.  
  
So Can you give your feedback on the coherence and cohesion of my ideas about the advantages?  
  
Thanks
***Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy thing. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it.***  
  
## Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

  
  
My essay, my goal is 7.0 at least:  
  
Nowadays, advertising has become a part of our life regardless of viewers' opinions on it. Whereas some people are convinced that advertising can entice viewers to buy things, others believe that advertising is not successful in doing so because it is so common. I am of the opinion that advertising is useless and increases cost for the company without bringing in any benefit.  
  
First, some people think that advertising can push viewers into action because constant bombardment of information can somehow manipulate human's mind. They believe that if a message is repeated again and again, it becomes the truth in someone's mind. For example, if BMW's commercial shows that drivers of BMW are successful, intelligent and good looking, then that image is imprinted into the minds of the viewers. Then, the viewers will become customers of BMW because their conjecture is that buying the car will make them successful, intelligent and good looking just like the drivers in BMW's commercial.  
  
On the contrary, some people believe that the more a commercial is shown, the less effective it is. People are so tired of seeing the same thing over and over again that they do not care anymore and do not retain any information from it. To them, advertisements of cars, toys, or food look all the same - they do not even know what they are watching. The moment a commercial ends is the moment they forget about it.  
  
In my view, advertising is useless not only because people do not pay attention to it but also because they have the option to switch the channel (if they are watching television) or change the website (if they are using the internet). If people do not like something, then bombarding them with that thing will make them hate it even more and they will just turn away whenever they see it.  
  
To conclude, advertising is not so useful nowadays not only because people have become resistant to it due to its commonplace but also because people have the choice to get rid of it using multiple methods.  
  
Thank you!
There are 40 minutes provided for the complete writing of this essay. That means 40 minutes needs to be divided into the draft, review, rewriting, review, and finalization of your presentation. Though you may be able to type fast enough to cover 346 words, you cannot type fast enough to complete the scoring worthy version of the essay presentation. Keep your essay simple. Offer 250-290 words only. That will allow you to present a clear and properly edited final version to the examiner.  
  
You do not need to over discuss the topic. You will not achieve a 7 band score just because you can type a mountain of English words at a fast pace. You are scored on the clarity of your presentation, lack of grammar and lexical errors, and a proper discussion presentation based on the required format. Those are the sections that dictate your high or low score. The number of words, provided you do not over write, does not really matter very much in the scoring presentation. The word count only matters in the writing aspect. Write less than 250 words, percentage points are deducted for the missing words. Write more than 290 and you open yourself up to more GRA, LR, plus C&C errors.
You have interesting points, but you did not explain why you find advertisement useless enough. You spent an entire paragraph on one example of advertisement persuasion, but you did not give one example for why it is useless. Since the test is timed, for this question, you can stick with the BMW example and explain why it is succeeds on one hand and why it fails on the other hand, or you can write about two **short** examples, one for each view. Try to keep your discussions balanced when you need to discuss multiple views.
## youthful demographic

  
  
In these days and age, several nations recorded changes in their demographic proportion as the number of young people has dominated. This trend has proven to offer both opportunities such as plentiful manpower and tax base; as well as shortcomings like worsen living standard and overpopulation.  
  
On the one hand, having a youthful population brings many benefits. Firstly, this trend provides countries with a considerable amount of productive workforce. This is due to the fact that most youngsters possess competent physical health, creativity and enthusiam, which meets the evergrowing demand for laborious blue collar jobs along with white collar jobs. Secondly, having more young working citizens equals to a sufficient tax base. To be specific, taxes paid by workers not only contribute to the development of the countries' economy but can also be invested in the advancement of social services like education and healthcare.  
  
On the other hand, such proportion of population poses a number of threats to the countries. Firstly, overcrowding young population put strain on available social services. For instance, enlarging workforce usually associates with either food, water and accommodation defficiency or counter-productive consumerism. Thus, dwellers may undergo poor living standard and a widening gap between the rich and the poor. Secondly, further subsequent drawbacks of overpopulation might occur as the consequence of the aformentioned trend. Competitive working environment and the constant demand for lucrative, high-paid jobs are likely to result in unemployment, hence the expected increase in crime rate, especially juvenile delinquency; poverty, illiteracy and so on.  
  
In conclusion, while a youthful demographic portion provides countries with economic potential; it deprives many people of standard living condition. From my perspective, the disadvantage hardly outweight the advantages in this situation.
## The decision on owning a home rather than renting one

  
  
**In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative situation?**  
  
It is believed in several nations that renting a home is not as important as owning one. Reasons behind this belief can be traced down to several. However, whichever reason it is, this situation can be either positive or negative.  
  
One of the reasons can be the concept of a home has a very special meaning to many communities around the globe. Under one roof, family members, from the older generations to the younger generations, share the memories and help the younger grow. In some cultures, owning a home and having several generations living there is a sentimental belief, as memories fill every place in the home.  
  
Owning a home may bring benefits, especially for the mental purposes. Having a stable place to live means that people do not have to worry about the possibility that the landlord asks them to move out. With that relieved thought, they consider home as a place to release stress and escape from the busty city. Another pro of owning a home can be the creating a happier and more fulfilled childhood for the children. Moving away a lot can cast doubt on a child's thought of what truly a home is.  
  
However, there are certain types of people who are not comfortable with buying and owning a home. Young students after graduating from university tend to rent an apartment or share a house with others as they have not made enough money to buy a house. Internship and jobs can last for just a period of time so they jump from company to company. Many even enjoy traveling and exploring various new cities. Thus they just stay in one place and then fly to the others. It can be said that renting a home would be a more preferable choice for them.  
  
In conclusion, there are a number of reasons leading to one's decision on owning a home rather than renting one. However, depending on each person's lifestyle and life purpose, both owning and renting a house can bring benefits and drawbacks.  
  
Thank you for reviewing! As task 2 is one of my weaknesses, please give me a lot of feedbacks so I can improve more.
1st paragraph: Too short for introduction. You need provide some background about what you will talk about later, and then introduce your main points in a thesis statement.  
  
2nd paragraph: You should explain what memories are made in a home that you cannot make when you are renting. You talked about how some cultures think owning a home has sentimental value because "memories fill every place in the home". Give examples of "memories" and explain why owning a home can create them.  
  
3rd paragraph: You described three different reasons to own a home, and you should not try to group all of them under "mental benefits". Pick one of the three examples you gave, and explain in more words why that is a benefit. For example, you can focus on the "not getting kicked out by landlord" benefit, and explain why that is good.  
  
4th paragraph: [*However, ~~there are~~ certain types of people ~~who~~ are not comfortable with buying and owning a home.* ] You have two reasons to not buy a home, and they are both good reasons. You need to talk more about "young people not making enough money to buy a house" and explain why that is. The other reason about traveling often is well-written.  
  
5th paragraph: The conclusion should summarize the main points of your essay without repeating the same words. Mention briefly the points you wrote about so that someone reading the essay can get the main ideas just by reading the conclusion.
**TOPIC: *New parents should attend parenting courses to bring up their children well.*  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
People's opinions differ as to whether or not new parents should take classes on child-rearing. Although these courses are sometimes considered unnecessary, I completely agree with the idea that those who become parents for the first time should attend parenting classes due to several reasons below.  
  
To begin with, a great deal of advocates are inclined towards the fact that taking up classes is a good option to be well-prepared. Firstly, this would help them to overcome the anxiety of dealing with a child as they master the basics of parenting skills. For example, a woman who hasn't changed diapers or breastfed a newborn baby before would definitely feel worried about whether she can do it or not. Secondly, parenting classes could help them be ready for any emergency situations that might happen, such as choking or breathing issues. Consequently, parents will deal with their child in a composed manner and avoid making errors. Furthermore, taking courses could be the best way to create a new support system as new parents will interact with those who share similar dilemmas.  
  
In addition, taking up childcare classes would also offer parents certain benefits. First of all, they will learn how to manage their emotions and build confidence. A clear understanding of how to bring up a child will help minimise mistakes, properly plan for every step forward, thereby keeping stress levels down. Moreover, parenting classes could help parents establish a strong relationship with their partner. To illustrate, by discussing some important questions on nurturing techniques, they could get to understand each other, which is certainly an essential aspect of a close-knit family.  
  
In conclusion, as parenting could be considerably challenging and first-time parents need a holistic approach, I am inclined towards the view that they should take classes to take care of their infants.  
  
*Thank you so much for reading!*
Hey, they essay is well written with no easily apparent grammatical errors, kudos to you for that. I would however like to point out a couple of things that you could take a look at;  
  
1. Using "To begin with" in one sentence and 'Firstly' in the sentence right after makes it seem less polished. Instead of 'Firstly' you could've used 'For instance  
  
2. After using 'Firstly' you should use 'Secondly' in the next item that youre describing.  
3. Getting rid off anxiety by building confidence via mock child care sessions have been mentioned twice, once in paragraph 1 and then in 2  
  
Hope this helps
The topic reference in the prompt does not offer any reference to these courses as being considered necessary. Do not add information to the prompt restatement. You will definitely lose points for inaccurate rephrasing of the statement. Do not add information, remove information, or give an opinion where none is required. You will receive point deductions for it. Instead of that sentence, you should have instead, added the reference to the "great deal of advocates" to your measured response. By delivering a clear discussion path / outline in your paraphrasing section, you will add to the clarity of your opinion, thus increasing your TA score, and also, offering the examiner an idea of what discussion topics will be covered in the presentation. You will definitely get a better TA score, which will automatically boost your overall score.  
  
Your reasoning paragraphs lack proper explanation development. Do not focus on the number of reasons in your reasoning paragraphs. You should be focused on the clarity of your explanation instead. That is achieved by using a single topic sentence or subject in every paragraph. You will get a better TA score with lesser topics, but clearer explanations per paragraph.  
  
The conclusion should have at least 2 sentences in it. You are offering a non summarized presentation in your conclusion. It is a run-on sentence that will lower your GRA score.
## Should important information be shared or not?

  
  
It is argued that knowledge should be spread publicly amongst the academic world, whilst other assume that several specific informatuon must be confidential to the authorities solely. This essay will discuss both views and offer my opinion.  
  
Proponent of the former assumption mught believe tha informatuon should be open to the public for a number of reason. Firstly, publicized information allows people to broaden their horizon. This is because of the ever-growing demand for indepth understanding of specific subjects, which is inevitably associated with the exponential development of science and technology. For instance, university pupils might find it challenging searching for specialized information given the only available source being library books abd common websites. Therefore, academically qualified knowlege from institutions will come in handy. Secondly, the fact that information is omnipresent also benefit reseachers and scientists. To be specific, surveys conducted on citizens or other science - related activities should aim to assist people and the society, which is why a reliable data base should be widely accessible.  
  
Opponent of the aforementioned statement might believe differently. To begin with, strictly controlled information prevents readers from becoming overwhelmed and misled. For example, given the demand for vaccines and remedy during pandemics, fraudulent news may distract people with untested results of drugs from medical institutions, posing unpredictable threats. Moreover, authorities' endeavor to provide citizens with selective and exact information is a sign of successful collaboration, communication and mutual trust.  
  
To conclude, I strongly believe that people should be given access to a comprehensive yet profound and sufficient information resource.
Hello!!  
  
You have extremely good content material with excellent examples to support both statements.  
There are some grammatical and few spelling errors that I notice at a glance. I am sure that if you pay more closer attention, you can correct them.  
  
In your first para where you speak for open access to knowledge and information, rather than saying it would be difficult for university students to work with limited data access, you can frame the sentence highlighting the advantage. You are supporting the statement using double negative. I would suggest to stick with the positive.  
  
Example - For instance, university students with free unlimited access to information excel in their fields by having a better understanding of the subject compared to their peers with limited access to knowledge. They are able to be make well informed decisions to further their research and career and in turn uplift the society as capable citizens.  
  
Good Luck!! :)