dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hi pram, I'm trying to make some corrections  
1. In the modern era, ~~the~~ celebrity's stories ....  
Article the is used when people know what you are talking about because you have mentioned the thing before or it is clear from the context. However, you did not mention celebrity's stories before, so do not need to use article 'the'  
  
2. While~~,~~ some people think ...  
While in the beginning of sentence do not need comma, so delete it  
  
3. ... inspiration program ~~from~~ influences people.  
It is better to use 'to' instead 'from because in the meaning, it means that to whom 'inspiration program' will be given, so use preposition to  
  
Thank you, break a leg.
Hello,  
Let me give you some suggestions  
  
... become popular program that ~~was~~ >> you have to use were, because it refers to "the celebrity's stories" [plural] shown  
have not given beneficial efforts for audiences live>> audience's life or audience's lives  
  
Medias were better to expose inspiration program from influences people >> comparative structure ....-er... than....  
  
First of all, live[life] and relationship of celebrities ~~has~~[have] not given affirmatives effect.  
  
It ~~is~~ just make viewer tend to follow sweet [?]  
  
get addition[additional] knowledge in as much as the common people no have [no] extraordinary  
  
Gluck :D
1. ... the celebrity's stories have become A popular program that ...  
------>(give a because popular program is singular countable noun)  
------> ..... shown on medias such as television, ...  
a. you will explain media with the example more than one, so media is plural, you should add S after media  
b. many more you can replace with others  
c. be careful if you use on and in ( for instance in all directions, in from outside, on television , on book )  
  
2. It just ~~told~~tell about artist lifestyle  
  
3. Similar to celebrities, exposing activity ...  
----> on the other hand, exposing activity of common people has not given constructive effort for the audience.  
be careful with linking words
Hello Pram!  
Allow me to give you some suggestion.  
  
..., and Medias were better to expose ...  
*...and media is better to show inspiration program which is expose influences people.*  
  
First of all, live and relationship of celebrities [...] viewers have enough money to do that. **(Then, what the negative effect?)** Then, relationship of famous people is not important owing ...  
  
... as much as the common people **do** not have extraordinary talent ...  
  
*For example, the scientist (...) has changed this world by this invention. (Specific example will much better) This story will make (...) pupils to have more spirit ...* (Because? give realistic reasons)  
  
**Since this is your key idea, you have to explain it more clearly.**  
  
I hope it can help you.  
Keep practice for make it perfect :)
***The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in a country in 1950 and 2010 .***  
  
The pie chart compares the proportion of money spent on different basic necessities in a country during six decades and it is measured in the percentage. Overall, all items saw an alteration. In this case, while housing and education experienced a decreasing trend, the opposite was seen in the remaining figures.  
  
At the beginning, housing dominated all household expenditures at less than three-quarters, 6 times higher than the figure for food. Education came in the third with 6.6%. However, over the sixty following years, there was a decreasing trend in both figures with a significant decline showed by food, leading them to occupy the second and the fourth rate respectively.  
  
Turning to the other items, there were four basic necessities showing an increase from 1950 to 2010. Initially, the proportion of food at 11.2% increased dramatically to 34% in 2010. Then, health care saw an alteration from 2.4% to 4.5%. The last necessity, transportation witnessed an increase which is almost same as the proportion of other, 3.3% to 14% for transportation and 4.4% to 19.2% for other.  
  
*
Initially, the proportion of food at 11.2% increased dramatically to 34% in 2010.  
...saw an alteration from2.4% to 4.5% .  
... as the proportion of other, 3.3% to 14% for transportation and4.4% to 19.2% for ~~other~~ [the others .  
  
%=> percent=> to avoid repetition, may you can make in the other type  
example = 75% ==>three-quarter
**The diagram below show the stages in the erosion of a headland.**  
  
A breakdown of the natural process of headland formation due to coastal erosion is presented in the diagram. Overall, it is immediately apparent that there are four primary stages which begin with rock destruction and cave formation. The following processes consist of the result of leaving top layer, stack and stump, subsequently.  
  
The first sequence in the erosion of a headland is deformation stage. In this stage, sea wave which has different pressure attacks the less vulnerable area of the rock layer, and it results in forming a small cave. Next, the cave becomes larger and larger in size, before creating a various arch shape, such as Durdle, Door, and Dorest.  
  
The further process is called stack formation in which sea water hits the arch's roof continuously. As the consequence, the massive roof collapses into the sea level, and it leaves a separated land in the ocean, called a stack. Afterwards, the water still erode the stack and the headland simultaneously, meaning that its length become narrower. Eventually, the process remains a small pieces of stump opposite the headland.  
  
*
**Hi Ilmi.  
These are a few suggestions to improve your writing. Hopefully, these can help and finalize yours.**  
  
... there are four primary stages ~~which begin~~ BEGUN (make you sure that what you write is what you mind. You should make it passive word) with rock destruction ...  
  
... top layer, stack, and stump~~,~~ subsequently.  
  
In this stage, THE sea wave which has (...), and it results ~~in forming~~ SHAPE a small cave.  
... larger and larger in size~~,~~ before creating a (...) Door, and ~~Dorest.~~ DORSET  
  
... called stack formation ~~in which~~ WHERE sea water hits ...  
..., called ~~a~~ THE stack. Afterwards, the water still erodeS the stack (...) its length becomeS narrower.  
... remains ~~a~~ small pieces of stump ...  
  
Note: Actually, you describe this well and systematically. I have found the good flow and the sense of this writing. However, you still make mistakes which you actually could avoid them. Please, you reread your writing before you upload in order to diminish your faults.  
  
OVERALL, IT is a good job.
hey guys,  
  
I need to write an essay about food waste in the past, present and future. This is my introduction I have so far. I have no idea if this is an correct introduction. Correct me in every possible way :)  
  
**INTRODUCTION**  
Almost everyone who ate something, wasted some food every now and then. But the food waste problem is worse than ever before. Back in the days people just could not afford to waste food. And even though it happened, they managed to solve it. The waste managing now is different from the past. And how will the food waste problem decrease in the future and what kind of solutions will we use in the future?
Hello kylian  
  
For introductory sentence i have some idea to create introduction.  
  
1. Explain many people views today about food waste. You can find it in google or some articles, better if the research paper that contain about people's opinion. So, let's start your essay with today condition.  
  
Maybe you can start with :  
  
Recent studies shows that food waste production reach..... percent and it bring some negative impact such as ....... //  
  
Nowadays, Many people argue that food waste tend to bring drawbacks such as........  
  
2. After that, add some information about the past and the future. You also can found it in the internet. Because it is the introduction part, you just explain a little or in other words just give the overview about food waste in the past and future. It is not problem if you use your own-opinion, but better if you can explain based on the data or some research or some expertise opinion.  
  
You just mention like that :  
  
In my opinion, food waste will be reduce in the future because.......  
Based on Professor xxxxxxx research, it has shown that ..........  
  
3. After you bring all information, MAKE COMPARISON. You can give your argument here, both positive and negative aspect. Just a few explanation about your opinion about food waste comparison between those times.  
  
4. Then, after the introduction, you can divided your explanation into three parts. Part one is about the past, part two is about present, and part three is about future. It can make your essay well-arranged.  
  
5. In the last, you can give conclusion and your suggestion.  
  
I hope this can be useful for you.  
Sincerely,  
Faiz
Hi Kylian. I think I can help you create a stronger introduction. Here is what I am thinking:  
  
Food has become synonymous with waste over the decades. The uncontrollable gluttony of man has created a food wastage epidemic that has run unchecked for many decades now. With the lack of food supply plaguing other nations, it seems illogical for any country to be experiencing a problem with food wastage management. Historically, man has always been able to properly address possible and effective solutions to this problem. Now, as we move forward in the 21st century, the time has come to update the food wastage management programs and offer new solutions to the problem for future generations to implement. This essay shall take a historical look into the foundation and future of food waste management. What was its past? How is it dealt with at present? Does it look like we are nearing a sustainable solution in the future?
The graph below shows information about the languages that 13-year-old student in one school choose the study.  
  
The line chart displays the quantity of 13-year-old students that have taken Mandarin and French lesson in a school in England from 2000 to present. Overall, in the beginning French reached peak while Mandarin had lowest point. In addition, between 2000 and 2005, number of pupils who studied French increased significantly. In contrast, at the same period mandarin learner fell extremely. Besides, they looked like had more stable trend in the next following year.  
  
It is clear that in 2000, only about 7 students that choose Mandarin as their subject and it had extra-large different with the French that have 150 learners. However, in 2005, while Mandarin raised sharply into almost ten times into about 70, French went down tremendously into near half of before at 85.  
  
As we can see, in the next following year, from 2006 to present, both of them had fluctuated. But while French looked like moved slightly down, Mandarin had gone small upward.  
  
*
hai faizuna  
here is my suggestion for you  
hope it works  
  
**I think it is necessary to include a measurement**  
  
... peak while Mandarin had the lowest >>> it is a superlative point.  
  
... 2000 and 2005, the number of pupils who have studied French ...  
... more stable trend in the ~~next~~ following year.  
  
..., only about ~~7~~seven students that ...  
However, in 2005, while Mandarin ~~raised~~rised sharply into almost (...) near half of before at 85 students .  
  
But ~~while~~>> two conjuctions in here French looked like ...  
  
thanks  
keep writing
Hallo... here some corrections for you :  
  
... in one school choose ~~the~~THEIR study.  
  
... taken Mandarin and French ~~lesson~~LESSONS in a school in England ...  
... French reached A peak while Mandarin had THE lowest point.  
... same period mandarin ~~learner~~LEARNERS fell extremely. Besides, they ~~looked like~~SEEM had more stable ...  
  
cheers..
Hi Mr Faiz. Here are my suggestions for you and i hope it can be helpful for you.  
  
... languages that 13-year-old ~~student~~students (it is plural) in one school ...  
  
... the quantity of the (talking in specific description) 13-year-old students ...  
Overall, in the beginning(,)(use comma after introductory phrase) French subject taken by the pupils reached peak while Mandarin had the lowest point (superlative form).  
  
... and 2005, the number of pupils who ...  
Besides, they looked like had a more stable ...  
  
It is clear that in 2000, only ~~about~~ 7 students ~~that~~(there is no main verb if you use this clause)~~choose~~chose Mandarin as their subject...  
... while Mandarin ~~raised~~rose sharply into almost ...  
  
Suggestion:  
you should try to use the noun phrase beside using verb phrase to variate your grammatical structure.  
  
Goodluck!
**The graph below shows information about the recruitment of teachers in Ontarion between 2001 and 2007.  
  
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
The line graph provides information about the percentage of people who recruited new English teachers and new French teachers based on year graduation in Ontario from 2001 to 2007. Overall, there was a slight increase in the recruitment of French language teachers. Meanwhile, English teachers got a downward trend in generally. Recruitment of French educator is larger than English during the period.  
  
Based on graph, the number of French language teacher that graduated in 2001 stood at 70 percent of recruiting. The percentage of the following graduation year of teacher fell to around 50. However, graduation year from 2003 to 2005 went up by around just under 60 - 70. In the following year, it declined slightly by just fewer than 70. However, it rocketed at about 80 percent later.  
  
The recruitment of English teacher was dramatic decrease between graduation years of 2001 - 2003 by 70 - 40 percent. Then it rose from 40 to just around 50 in 2004 and 2005 of graduation years. Two years later, it dipped at approximately 20 percent.  
  
*   
*The line graph*
Hi Anna,  
  
I can notice that your writing is getting better. Yet, some rooms for improvements still persists. I hope the detailed descriptions about your errors and corrections would help you.  
  
1st paragraph:  
- ... who recruited new English ~~teachers and new~~ French teachers based on ~~year graduation~~their graduation years in Ontario from 2001 to 2007.  
- Overall, it is noticeable that/it can be seen that,(addressing the overview is essential) there was a slight increase ...  
- Meanwhile, English teachers ~~got~~experienced/saw/witnessed a downward trend in ~~generally~~general .  
- Eventually, the r ecruitment of French educators is larger than English teachers~~during~~in the end of the period.  
  
2nd paragraph:  
- ~~Based on graph,~~(Mentioning "based on..." would be redundant.  
... information given MUST be based on the line graph)To begin with, the number of French language teachers recruitment that graduated in 2001 stood at roughly/approximately/nearly 70 percent ~~of recruiting.~~(I gave you some alternative word replacements)  
  
- .... fell to around ~~50~~a half . (If you intend to mention percentage without mentioning "percent/percent symbol", you can just do like what I've done. Read the book again for the complete variations of percent)  
  
There you have it Anna, good luck for the next practice :)
Hello Anna!  
Allow me to give you some suggestion.  
  
Overall, there was a slight ~~increase~~ increased in the recruitment ...  
**However,***people* graduation year from 2003 ...  
**However**, it rocketed at about 80 percent later.  
You may use another similar word -> on the other hand, nonetheless  
  
... teacher was dramatic decreased between graduation years ...  
You may use, " decreased between graduation years from 2001 by 70 to 2003 by 40 percent  
  
Keep practice to make it perfect :)
**Some people argue that space exploration has had more to do with national pride than international effort.  
What extend do you agree with this?**  
  
Technology has encouraged many developed countries to advance space exploration, but the number of experts argue that it is more related to national's advantages outweigh the international effort for global citizens around the world. I personally tend to think that the space exploration presents many benefits in the certain developed country such America to dominate and control all access in the outer space such information technology while encourage the global telecommunications.  
  
America is the one of advance countries which have explored outer space to improve information technology. As a reason is to manage telecommunication system such a glide of satellite with the intention of International advantages like high technology in communication system. In 2006, the government in America, carried out a regulation which was called "National Space policy" to manage space exploration particularly in a glide satellite in the different area in the world. In fact, the regulation has become a controversial issue in the different areas which are investigating a satellite in the outer space.  
  
The director of Russian space agency, Allan Bright, in 2009 claimed that the NSP was a politics regulation from America to prevent the number of space explorations and satellites in the outer space particularly in information technology. "It is true that the NSP is a sneaky approach from America to rule other countries out in the high investigations", said Allan. China's space explorer, Xi Shenzeou agreed with Allan's argumentation that "I do not believe that NSP is a peaceful way to command a glide satellite system for global communications. It is more closed to a monopolistic system in global telecommunications".  
  
Clearly, the space explorations which have been done by developed countries correlate to national prides than enhance information technology in the developing countries. I would claim that America is a sample of country which has investigated the number of satellites. These prove the evidences that they focus on giving many benefits such a monopolistic in the space investigations to the national than promoting international advantages such in telecommunications.
Hi Miss Dhyla..  
These are my thoughts towards your essay. Hopefully, these can help you.  
  
... space exploration, but ~~the number~~ A LARGE NUMBER of experts argue (...) to national's advantages ~~outweigh~~ THAN the international effort ...  
... dominate and control all access ~~in~~ TO the outer space such THE information technology while IT encourageS the global telecommunications.  
  
America(Avoid to pick up a name in your essay because it can make you seem subjective. It is better if you mention all developed countries generally) is ~~the~~ one of advanceD countries which (...) to improve THE information technology.  
  
... like high technology in THE communication system.  
*In 2006, the government in America, carried out [....] are investigating a satellite in the outer space.*  
(Honestly, you denied the prompts given in the question. Actually, It asks you to decide your position whether you agree the opinion that "The space exploration is a nation pride" or not. However, you explained the reason the country conducts the space exploration. be careful of the task responses because it decides your score. pay attention to micro keywords displayed in the statement)  
  
Turning to the second body paragraph, your essay are free of major mistakes grammatically. However, you still missed the prompt. That is out the topic clearly. One of essential things paid is focusing on the prompts.  
  
I really believe you can write the better essay in the next term. As many as you practice, you can master this deeply.  
Keep spirit  
GOOD LUCK
**Some people argue that space exploration has had more to do with national pride than international effort.  
  
To what extent do you agree with this?  
How do you think space exploration will change in the future?**  
  
## a national pride or international effort?

  
  
It is arguably that such mission going to outer space is more likely related to how successful a country is. Also, it seems completely far to be explained in the term of global endeavour. I personally agree with this initiative issue since this exploration represents national identity and prestige of the country.  
  
Superpower countries, which are competing to explore the universe, have their own icons which deliver implicitly their value and belief. This is because each group has different idea and specifications related to their space research programme. Obviously, Dr. Alex Roland of Duke University, who has scrutinized national interests regard to the successful missions of the United States - Apollo 11 and the Soviet Union launching the first artificial Earth satellite - Sputnik, claimed that there is a direct relationship between technological power and national ideology. He explained that the triumph of American aircraft reaching the Moon conveys the superiority of democracy while Russian's achievement introducing Sputnik displays the grandeur of communism. Clearly, those space missions aim to promote nationalism and have opposing goals, instead of collaboration project.  
  
In addition, the primary purpose why developing countries strive to conduct the cosmos investigation is to get considerable prestige in the international community. Due to the fact that, the more successful of space exploration, the more superior the country. Jason Burke, the author of "India's Mars Satellite Successfully Enters Orbit, Bringing Country Into Space Elite", confirmed that, despite of the intention to improve prosperity, India spent considerable huge budget on setting up Mangalyaan, a space probe orbiting Mars. This results in strengthening India's status in the world, as the fourth space agency reaching Mars and, ultimately, the first in Asia.  
  
In conclusion, it is true that the ambitions to know the entire universe are to show ideological label and to obtain great status internationally. Hopefully world citizens realized that if they want to advance space exploration, they should work out together. Otherwise, this trend will drive to the third world war.
**Some teachers tend to reward students who achieve high academic results. Others, however, support and reward students show the most improvement.  
  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion**  
  
Students achieving great score in academic results, believed by some people, should be awarded while others assume students who display significant improvement related to their academic history are prioritised. I firmly believe both of them should be conducted in balance, regardless whether they show high academic results or most enhancement. This will make students motivated to learn, which is good for their academic development.  
  
On one hand, students who are rewarded due to their high academic achievement will feel elated and respected because they think what they have done in school is not in vain and is valued by their teachers. For example, when one student gets first rank in class and then the teachers give them a present, it will bring out what best in them and they would be more confindent about themselves so that they could maintain their achievements.  
  
Turning to the next idea, students showing impressive improvement regarding to their educational process should be supported as well. This matter will encourage them to learn from their mistakes and it will make the students realise that they could be as smart as another student if they strive maximally. For instance, if students get bad score, but they try to change it by learning consistently in the next days, teachers should also appreciate them. Because sometimes, it is not about merely the good academic record, but it is all about the progress that students made.  
  
To sum up, both students in those categories should be rewarded and encouraged so as to maintain their academic record. By doing as such, students are more likely to stay motivated in the learning process so that it will be benefits them more. In addition, it will make them believe in themselves at the same time.