dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
There are 2 methods of charitable help identified in the original statement. Yet, only 1 method is identified in the restatement, causing a topic presentation inaccuracy . This directly affects the task requirement in this presentation. A discussion of both sides, based on public opinion cannot be completed if only one public opinion is presented prior to the writer's personal opinion.  
  
Remember that the writer cannot be selective about the writing instruction. Follow the discussion instruction to the letter. Do not skip, alter, or be selective about it. For this essay, the instruction is discuss both public views individually, then offer a personal opinion. The discussion covers 3 paragraphs covering an explanation of the validity of 1 public reasons and the presentation of a personal point of meal based on a clear support of one of the 2 public beliefs.  
  
The essay mainly uses first person singular pronouns in the essay. The suggest pronoun use is actually third person group references for the 2 public opinions and first person singular for the personal opinion. There are 2 discussion views for this comparative essay : group (some people, others) , and singular ( your opinion). Based on the discussion representation in the original prompt, it is safe to say that this discussion is response format inaccurate, among other things.
## hazardous nature of some sports

  
  
It is vital to improve our health by doing some sports. However, there has been a considerable rise in new dangerous sports such as sky-diving or rock climbing among people in recent years. Whether such extreme sports should be prohibited or not is still a contentious question. I believe that the government should regulate such sports strictly to minimize unfortunate risks instead of laying a ban on them.  
  
Because of the hazardous nature of these sports, people who wish to take part in such sports are required to attend proper training courses to be issued a certificate. For example, after receiving basic skills and essential techniques from seasoned and licensed instructors, they will become more confident in their ability to perform such sports effectively, resulting in a decrease in mishaps. This is probably the most appropriate approach in place of interdiction.  
  
Banning to engage in such sports will lead to the loss of good points to some extent. In fact, some of the dangerous sports can gain a reputation for a country's sport. For instance, rock climbing was recently considered a major event at the Olympics and there are a variety of sky-driving competitions held in places around the world. That country or contestants will be widely recognized if it wins.  
  
In conclusion, the government should take stricter measures to reduce dangers and encourage people who are interested in trying such dangerous sports with a serious attitude by completing proper training.
The essay does not meet the 250 minimum word requirement. By writing only 244 words, the essay will be given percentage deductions based on the TA basic word count requirement. The preliminary score is already a failing one.  
  
The response basis needs to mention an opposition to having the dare-devil sports banned in favour of regulation first then proceed to the reasoning basis of the upcoming discussion. This is to ensure that the essay will meet the opinion clarity requirement of the restatement + opinion paragraph.  
  
The first reasoning paragraph does not clearly relate to reasons why the dare-devil activities should be government regulated. It does not connect in a proper manner to the discussion question and required response. The second paragraph is more relevant and actually offered an opportunity for reasoning expansion in the 2nd paragraph.
In my opinion, you should spend more time on proofreading as there have been some apparent flaws.  
- first 2 sentences in the first paragraph do not go along well as they don't show any contrasting meaning whatsoever. You should write: "~~It is vital to ... sports. However,~~  there has been a considerable rise in new dangerous sports such as sky-diving or rock..."  
  
-There is some unsuitable word usage. For example, "loss of good points" can be "disadvantages"  
-Grammar needs to be corrected. For example, "...there are is a variety of sky-diving..."
I will not contradict the observation of a fellow educational consultant as we have a policy against that at this forum. What I can do is offer you a response based upon how my students learn to approach this type of discussion from me. Setting aside previous advice, I will offer a review of this presentation. I must warn you though that I normally do not advise students who are already handled by other teachers and consultants as a sign of professionaI respect and to avoid confusing the student's writing style as already taught by his educator. Consider our interaction a one time deal since you are already handled by someone else.  
  
I believe that the discussion basis of the essay is:  
  
In many countries, prison is the most common solution to the problem of crime.  
This is foundation of the discussion. The writer is then asked to consider another side of the discussion based on a different opinion:  
  
... another effective way is to provide people with better education so that they cannot become criminals.  
It is this topic that the discussion requirement refers to as an alternative to the foundational belief/ opinion. This is the sole discussion target of:  
  
TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?  
The writer is given a discussion basis (imprisonment for crimes) and an alternative consideration (education to prevent crime). The imprisonment discussion is not up for debate. That is a given fact. It is the effectivity of education as a crime prevention tool that is in question. This is the point you must either strongly support or not support, using 2 paragraphs of proper defense reasons for your opinion. You need to directly tell the reader the strength of your opinion on education in relation to crime prevention ( I strongly / partially agree / disagree) based on the strength of your reason ( it has limited... ). There is no reference to " discuss both views" so a comparison presentation would be out of place as it will not allow you to clearly respond to the discussion question, which is based on a single opinion of support or non-support for the "However" statement.  
  
You were judged illogical and lacking in explanations and examples because you opted to take a short cut by using your 2 opposing reasons in one paragraph rather than separating the reasoning justifications by spreading it out (one topic each) over 2 paragraphs. 2 related but seperate discussion presentations will create coherent and cohesive (related) paragraph discussions. The analysis you presented in the 3rd paragraph was never a part of the discussion requirements and need not be included in the discussion paragraphs.  
  
The provided essay really had potential. It just wasn't properly discussed using the appropriate format.  
  
Again, this is only my analysis and opinion of your work. I certainly do not mean to add to your confusion. I can only hope that my explanation helps you understand the writing task. As a reminder, this is how I teach my students to write with a focus on clarity. I do not mean to change your writing style as you have been previously taught.
@Holt  
Thanks for the comment and clarification of this topic. The word "online teacher" used here may have caused some unexpected problems to both you and me, actually it was a online revising service like I present essay to the system then I will get a feedback.  
  
Currently I am reading a book called <Writing Academic English>, other than that, I have't been taught by any real 'teacher' in IELTS writing tasks. The confusion, though not exist now, was not aiming to rebut anyone.  
  
The reason that why I post my essay here just beacause based on my understanding that by no means should I start writing another one unless I fully understand what this task is questionning.  
  
Thank you for the advices on my writing structure as well. You helped me a lot.
## IELTS Task 1 - birth and death rates in New Zealand

  
  
**The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
The given graph illustrates the dynamics of the birth and death rates in New Zealand during the period of 1901 and 2101.  
  
According to the graph, the birth rate, although it shows some fluctuation, was noticeably higher than the death rate and reached its maximum in the year 1961. However, it is projected that the death rates continue to grow exponentially and are predicted to surpass the birth rate in 2041.  
  
Comparing the birth rate prior to the 2000s, the numbers started at 20,000 in 1901 and rose dramatically during a 60-year period and finally exceeded the peak of 60,000 by 1965. After some fluctuation in 2010, the number later plummeted and followed a descending trajectory for the rest of the period.  
  
Conversely, the death rate increased gradually every year with a starting point of less than 10,000. Since 2001, the number climbed from 28,000 to nearly 60,000 in shortly 40 years. It then steadies at a rate of 58,000 after the year 2061.  
  
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Using the phrase "given graph" is still not very much changed from the original " the graph below". It is still close enough to a memorized phierse. This is the last time I will remind you about image identifiers and its importance in these task 1 presentations. Perhaps you do not believe me or, you don't take my advice seriously.  
  
i won't waste my time trying to guide you since you obviously don't care about my observations and advice for improvement. Perhaps you have another teacher which is why you could care less about my opinion. Please, stop wasting my time and ask your real teacher whose advice you believe in more, to assess your essays. I don't have the time to waste on you.  
  
This is a continously evolving graph. That means the reference timeline phrase is "continuing timelines of 1901 to 2101" as representative to the past, present, and projected information. The correct timeline reference provides an easily understood and relevant discussion point.  
  
the death rates continue to grow  
This is a future prediction that should include the auxiliary verb "will" in it to indicate the correct timeline flow.  
  
The rest of the essay basically has the same problems I have referenced and tried to offer you corrections on in the past. These repeated errors are frustrating for me as the consultant as I perceive you to be either choosing not to apply the corrections for your own improvement, because it runs counter to the teachings of your other tutor or, you just don't care about the quality of your work. In the case of you having another tutor, I will not be able to help you due to our different teaching styles. It would be in your best interest to not have 2 writing advisers so you don't confuse yourself in relation to developing your own writing style.
***The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table show how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s.***  
  
## Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

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The pie chart illustrated the great causes of land degradation whilst the other chart mentioned how the consequences of bad agricultural land impacts on three regions in the 1990s.  
  
Overall, the pie chart discussed three main reasons which over-grazing affected the most. Meanwhile, Europe was the area that included the greatest land degraded.  
Accounting for nearly two fifths in total (35 percent) , over-grazing became the main point leading to debasement of the quality of land.  
Standing behind it was recognised by deforestation with 30 percent and over-cultivation which took less than deforestation at 2 percent. Besides, others experienced the smallest number that was below 10 percent.  
  
Relating to the region, the area which was regarded as the most significant land degraded was Europe at 23 percent . The second belonged to Oceania where overgrazing took up the most versus North America with over-cultivation and Europe with the others<b></b>  
  
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The writer has an incomplete image identification in the sense that the table chart was acknowledged merely as "the other chart" which is an incorrect image reference. Differentation is important due to the differing analysis and comparison reporting that is to follow the information summary. It created a partially accurate data representation in the paragraph.  
  
There is an inconsistent reference to the actual measurements in the image. such non-use of the shared information lessened the report clarity per paragraph. The discussion for the table information totally avoided numerical references which made that report uninformative and confusing to the reader.  
  
The writer must make more of an effort to prove his analytical and comparative skills in this presentation. The presentation can be considered only halfway complete at this point. It is nothing more than a cdraft that cannotbe scored accurately as more editing and writing has to be done to complete the presentation.
## the future of textbooks in education

  
  
Over the past five decades, people have witnessed the burgeoning development of the Internet and its ubiquitous spread to a multitude of fields, one of which is markedly education. Nevertheless, in terms of information supply, some individuals assert that the odds are against the Internet's superseding conventional textbooks. Personally, I totally disapprove of such anticipation for the following reasons.  
  
In the first place, with the mind-boggling upsurge in the amount of knowledge nowadays, the restricted quantity of information provided by traditional course books is never sufficient and is likely to be outdated due to sporadic updates. Conversely, the Internet offers both frequently-updated academic lessons and abundant relevant sources that facilitate students' further learning.  
  
Secondly, while conventional school materials show no variety and flexibility in their content presentation, the Internet does such a fabulous job in exposing pupils to a vast array of utilitarian learning websites where lessons are delivered in form of a succinct mind map, a vivid video, and so on. Furthermore, there are a wealth of fascinating games and quizzes available on such sites in order for young learners to make revisions after each lesson. All of these can considerably help in sparking students' interest in studying as well as generating greater productivity of education.  
  
Last but not least, when it comes to compactness, it would be folly to gainsay the fact that Internet-connected phones and computers are far lighter and more close-packed than burdensome textbooks. On top of that, as the production of those course books exacerbates contemporary deforestation, the application of the Internet in education as a source of information provision can undoubtedly assist in forest conservation and ultimately protect the environment for human future accommodation.  
  
In conclusion, with all extraordinary attributes in terms of knowledge supply and environmental preservation, the Internet conspicuously overshadows conventional textbooks and is therefore likely to completely replace them in the near future.
There is an over writing on the part of the writer who has focused not on the clarity of his essay message, but on verbiage instead. The writing is therefore too wordy to make immediate sense to the examiner and, also indicates that there was no time limit placed during the development of the essay. This type of verbose writing cannot be complete within the 40 minute time allowance. The essay is more confusing rather than informative, over-presented in a confusing manner, rather than clearly discussed by the essayist.  
  
As the essay is to be completed only within 4 paragraphs, it appears that the writer is either self studying and unfamiliar with the rules because of this or, the writer chooses to disregard the writing requirements for the essay. The rules for a task 2 essay are simple: convince the examiner that your opinion is valid, using clear reasons and examples, within 3-5 sentences, over 4 paragraphs. This is just a simple opinion discussion and should not be presented as if the author were delivering an oration.  
  
To further complicate matters, the student did not consider the relevance of word usage when opting to open a dictionary and use impressive sounding words. Advanced English word usage is one thing. Advanced English word usage in the wrong context is another. It is an error that leads to a failing LR, C+C, and GRA score. That, is exactly what happened with this presentation. It failed due to the lack of focus on simple clarity and word usage, which is the formula for a passing essay presentation.  
  
Long essays are more often than not, failing essays. This essay is a perfect example of that. From task accuracy, all the way to grammar range and accuracy, this presentation is riddled with errors that, when collectively scored, will result in a failed attempt at esssay writing.
Dear Sir/ Madam! I really wish you will have time to help me check this essay!  
  
## reasons for study by adults

  
  
The charts illustrate the surveying results of adult schooling. The bar graph gives information about the reasons for deciding to study from adults. The second chart demonstrates how people ponder the prices of mature schooling should be shared.  
  
Overall, it is evident that the interest in subjects and the gaining qualifications are the cause of deciding to learn from grown-ups, and according to them the cost of this study should be shared by an individual.  
  
In detail, the majority of adults prefer to get a study due to interest in the subject, which gives 40 percent, while 38 percent enroll to gain qualifications. Nevertheless, making new friends is definitely the lowest criterion with just under 10 percent.  
  
Furthermore, the pie chart provides information about the way of educations costs in every course has to be coped with. The individual should share the maximum costs as the highest percentage, with 40 percent. In contrast, taxpayer must bear 25 percent of this cost.  
  
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Both images need to be properly identified in the summary paragraph. The first image was properly identified while the second image only had a general reference, which was not even descriptive so, it is useless to the clarity of the summary paragraph. Just like all the other images provided for this task, there are specific image names for each measurement type. The clear identification of the image helps the reader better understand the discussion basis, even when an image is not provided.  
  
The information presented is a series of run-on sentences which limits the analysis and comparison discussion of the data. There is not enough measurement between images mentioned to prove that the writer actually studied and compared the images. A full analysis and accurate report is not completed in only 2 sentences. That is just a draft. The best scoring essay for this task uses 3-5 sentences. No short-cuts. short reports mean limited scoring as well.
***In the future, we will have more leisure time as machine replace many of our tasks we do at home and at work.***  
## Discuss the benefits this will bring and also the problems it will cause.

  
  
It is safe to say that robots and other intelligent machines will accompany humans even more in the future, they are thought to carry duties that were historically belonged to us and so we will enjoy more time-off. To my mind, this evolution has its pros and cons which I aim to analyze in this essay.  
  
On the one hand, it is undoubted that people will receive countless benefits when robots take over their usual tasks. With the massive span of free time, people can have many recreational activities that they could not fulfill in the past like travelling for longer periods of time. This tendency is expected to come along with the development in the service industry that accounts for a high percentage in a country' GDP. Additionally, the workforce is facing contentious problems regarding their mental and physical health, once robots and smart machines come under usage, the workers will no longer be worried about those illness which will reduce the burden on the medical system as well.  
  
On the other hand, all the drawbacks can not be contained easily, it has been proven by science that humans only survive by working, while they are working on their jobs, their body parts are also working, that is what keep them healthy and physically controlled. But if our tasks are fully done by robots, we will become lazy and it is extremely negative for our health. People also find happiness in their jobs, which means if they have too much time relaxing, they might end up felling bored rather than satisfied.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that robots replacing humans in daily tasks can be positive and negative at the same time. Humans should try to balance the amount of robot-completed work with self-completed work in order to terminate all the shortcomings.
In the first paragraph, the writer created a mun on first sentence by combining 2 unrelated thoughts in one sentence. This created a difficult to follow sentence statement. A sentence mmust contain only a single thought or 2 related thoughts that create a clear meaning through the proper use of conjunctions and / or prepositions.  
  
The reasoning paragraph does not use personal leisure time as the expanded discussion reason. The GDP of the economy is relevant to the discussion. That topic is too broad a coverage for a discussion that, based on the original reason, should have explained how robots will afford us more leisure time in the future. Though this discussion will receive a score, it may not be as well scored as it is not using the target reasoning point for the advantage discussion. The focus on mental and physical health would've been the more leisure time relevant advantage discussion.  
  
As for the disadvantage presentation, The first reason is well developed but the second reason is not. The paragraph would have been better scoring if the second line of reasoning was not presented at all. The lack of explanation in that section limited the substance of the topic discussion and lowered the score for that paragraph as well.  
  
There is no cause to present a personal opinion in this essay. You will not receive points for that since it was not given as a discussion instruction in the original discussion statement. Even if it had been mentioned, the personal opinion should be presented in a seperate stand-alone paragraph. It is never mentioned as a part of the concluding summary.