dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***THE OLDER GENERATIONS TEND TO HAVE VERY TRADITIONAL IDEAS ABOUT HOW PEOPLE SHOULD LIVE, THINK AND BEHAVE. HOWEVER, SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT THESE IDEAS ARE NOT HELPFUL IN PREPARING YOUNGER GENERATIONS FOR MODERN LIFE.***  
  
## TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH THIS VIEW?

  
  
It is true that many older people believe in a certain ways of living which are not pretty suitable with the youngsters nowadays. While I believe that some ideas are outdated, I agree that other values should not be forgotten.  
  
There are some values which I believe are incompatible to this modern life. Firstly, the concept of when to marry or the rules of who we can get married to are changing. People thesedays often choose their partner with their own criteria and decide whether or not it is the right time to get married depend on different circumstances, such as work, feelings or readiness. Furthermore, the belief that we need to have a job for life is no longer normal. People have chosen to do many different things in order to choose which one is good for them.  
  
Despite several outdated ideas of life, there are plenty of good traits from traditional values. For examples, older generations have made a huge impact on working hard, always do one's best and take pride in one's work. These could benefit younger generations as they enter nowadays competitive world. Furthermore, some of the characteristics which are often seen as traditional such as politeness, humbleness or respect should be kept as youngsters are encountering many people from different backgrounds. Finally, I believe that younger generations could be happier if they live in an area where people can look after each other.  
  
In conclusion, traditional values have its drawbacks but I believe there are also several good things to be kept.
Let me stop you right there, t the prompt paraphrase. Your total essay missed the mark because of that presentation. Your paraphrase was incorrect, you did not respond to the given question, you did not meet the minimum sentence count for the paragraph... These are but a few of the errors that kicked off the start of your incorrect essay.  
  
For starters, you were not asked if the opinion previously provided was incorrect or not. Therefore, you should not have framed the sentence to start with "It is true" because that was not the point of the discussion topic. Next, you were asked about the measurement of your dis/agreement with the given opinion. Rather than picking a side to represent, you decided to change the discussion instruction to a comparative essay presentation by saying; " While I believe some ideas... I agree that...." That is non-opinion presentation. You did not clearly indicate the strength of your single opinion based on the agree or disagree format. The essay does not have a clear opinion presented, so you will lose points for not being able to make a decision or choose one of 2 given opinion discussion points.  
  
That has caused your essay to follow an unexpected discussion format, which led to the lack of clarity in your discussion presentation. You did not follow the discussion format as indicated in the original prompt so you will have a hard time achieving a passing score for the essay. Additionally, your concluding paragraph is only one sentence long. Since that is a reverse paraphrase, you should be presenting anywhere between 3-5 sentences, just like you should have done in the introduction paraphrase.
Thanks in advance for commenting on my work.  
  
## animals in captivity

  
  
**Topic: Some experts believe it is better for animals to live in zoos where they are safe and are given all the food they need  
  
Do you think that living in zoos has more advantages or more disadvantages for animals?**  
  
We have been keeping animals in zoos for a very long time. It is believed that because zoos can provide safety and food to animals, it is better for them to live there. However, there are several points we should take account of when doing this.  
  
The advantages of the zoos are obvious. When staying in the zoos, the animals are safe from predators, harsh environment conditions, and are provided with enough and proper food and care. For animals that are rare or in danger of extinction, this is also a crucial part of action to an effort of conservation and protection. As they can lead peaceful life without worrying about anything, we can help them gradually raise their number again. Therefore, zoos play an essential part of taking after animal activities.  
  
Nevertheless, for the animals kept in zoos, there are also some drawbacks. They can easily lose their natural habits and instincts when separated from their natural habitat for too long, so it's difficult for it to return to wildlife. For example, a lion born and growing up in zoo environment couldn't know how to hunt preys and live out of the zoo. Moreover, the conditions and facilities of some of the zoos, such as some ones in Vietnam, are not really well preserved and developed, on top of that, the hot and humid weather of Vietnam might make a huge difficulty for them, so the animals may not be taken after well enough and be in good state. Thus, for the sake of animal, it is best that we should be mindful of these factors and attempt to build their living space to be as near to their natural habitat as possible.  
  
Based on the points given above, although zoos protect animals in captivity and contribute to the conservation, we also have to pay attentions to the states of the zoos to create suitable environment for animals' overall development. In my view, the advantages are equal to the disadvantages.
The clear question is, do you believe that there are more advantages or disadvantages? This means you have to use an advanced discussion format to respond to this topic. For starters, you have to clearly indicate whether you see this as an advantage or disadvantage in the prompt paraphrase from there, the advanced discussion format kicks in.  
  
What is the advanced discussion format? After having chosen a side to defend in the reasoning paragraphs, the 2 reasoning paragraphs should be able to hold a complete and properly developed discussion as follows:  
  
- Present a topic sentence signifying an advantage or disadvantage as seen from a public perspective;  
- Explain why this is considered an advantage;  
- Present your opinion of this reasoning (advantage or disadvantage)  
- Use an example to prove your point  
- Add an explanation to help reiterate your opinion  
  
To that twice for this essay so that you can clearly represent a properly developed discussion focusing on 2 advantages and disadvantages points that will help support your opinion. I did not see that happening in this essay at all. In fact, you failed to present your personal opinion throughout the given discussion paragraphs. I should not need to point out the reasons why your concluding paragraph is also incorrect right? I already pointed that out in one of your previous essay critiques.
This is a better attempt on your part. You improved your presentation from the first practice essay by one whole point, bringing your total score for this essay up to a possible 4 band mark. There are still problematic sentence structures that you need to improve upon. I strongly urge you to focus on additional English sentence competency exercises to help you achieve this goal. You have problems using connecting words, a or an, and some transliterate presentations from your native tongue to English. All of which are preventing you from achieving a higher band score. Not to worry though, your explanations are still clear, properly developed, just not well presented in terms of sentence structure. That you can keep working on as you progress with your exercises. What is important is that you show how well you understand the topic and, that you have the ability to create relevant opinions regarding it. Good job.
***Many people think that fast food companies should not be allowed to advertise while others believe that all companies should have the right to advertise.*  
  
## What is your opinion?**  
  
In this day and age, advertising is the key method to do business. Some people think that junk food advertising should be banned, while others believe that all companies can advertise freely. In my opinion, all companies and organizations have the right to make adverts for their products because of the open market and the right for the customers to choose the products they want.  
  
Nowadays, open trade gives all countries as well as international and local companies more opportunities to do business. Globalization creates this convenient market as an inevitable result. The business have their own right to promote their products to make profits. In other words, advertising not only helps the companies earn more money, it also helps companies' employees and other contributors such as models or video makers make ends meet. Besides, fast food advertising can make the advertisement market more varied and give more choices for clients.  
  
It is legal for people to access all of the products that are available in the market. Customers should have the chance to see all products so that they can find the suitable ones for them. Advertisement is the bridge between sellers and buyers to support their demands. Even though junk food is not healthy for people if they overly consume this kind of food, it is still their own choice to decide which product they want.  
  
In conclusion, though some people consider advertising about junk food should not be permitted in society, others think that each company has the right to make advertisements for their products. I think all companies should be able to connect with clients through adverts owing to the globalization market nowadays and the right of the customers to reach a wide range of goods.
While you word choice is good, I think your logic is lacking.  
First, you didn't expand your ideas clearly.  
Second, you should just focus on the matter of the topic, without mentioning irrelevant matter. For example, "Nowadays, open trade gives all countries as well as international and local companies more opportunities to do business. Globalization creates this convenient market as an inevitable result" Globalization is not related.  
  
Third, you should add more linking words between sentences and paragraphs to improve coherence and cohension.  
Forth, sometimes your sentences are confusing so you should make them shorter or use commas.
Your potential score for this essay is a 3. The low score is based on the grammar, logic, and sentence formation problems that exist in the presentation. Your discussion is inconsistent and does not follow a logical flow of thought. When you speak of a student inclined to study medicine, and a student interested in engineering, both students require advanced math education. Therefore, your argument becomes flawed and incorrect.  
  
The favoritism of schools has no relation to the standard curriculum discussion. Your opinion does not show how the school favoritism system is connected to the discussion of a uniform curriculum. This discussion is unrelated to the topic, making it an irrelevant detail in the presentation.  
  
You failed to clearly explain the reasons why you do not support a uniform curriculum. Your logic is flawed. You did not understand the actual requirements of the topic for discussion before you wrote the essay. It would be better if you read some sample GRE essays before you try to write another opinion paper. Familiarize yourself with possible discussion topics and how the previous students approached the discussion first. Then try to write your own take on the topic. That should help improve your logic and discussion flaws.
Sport at schools  
  
**Some people believe that sport is an essential part of school life for children, while others feel it should be purely optional. Discuss these opposing views and give your own opinions.**  
  
Sport is considered as a controversial matter in school curriculum as well as the sport industry itself. When discussing over this aspect, many people believe that sport should only be allowed to serve as an optional subject in school while others support the idea that it is vital to school students. In this essay, I will consider both opinions.  
  
On the one hand, sport is felt as a waste of time to students who have no special interest in it. Hence, when being required to attend physical lessons, they will be abysmally irritated and eventually lose their enthusiasm in other sports activities as well. In addition, the expenditure on sport facilities in schools uses up a large amount of schools' budget which is mostly contributed by students tuition fees. As a consequence, if sport is compulsory in every school, this charge will definitely be raised to meet this demand. However, not every family, especially the underprivileged, could afford a subject that is not considered as providing academic purpose.  
  
On the other hand, the advocates of sport believe that the benefits brought by it outweigh those mentioned drawbacks. First and foremost, it can be seen that children who spend time on doing sport have a tendency of being both physically and mentally healthier than those who opt out thanks to the appropriate combination between muscles and neurons. To be more specific, they are not only in good shape but also seem to perform better in academic training with positive behavior such as excellent concentration. Furthermore, the majority of people argue that participating in physical activities, especially those require team-players, gives children lessons about cooperation and communication in addition to making fresh cycle of friends.  
  
Overall, I feel that sport should serve as a compulsory subject in school since the positive effects it brings to the young surpass the negatives. This is as long as the children are provided with a wide range to choose from, to ensure their interest is high, and that the schools invest an acceptable spending on sport facilities.
## Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject.

  
***To what extent do you agree or disagree?***  
  
TASK 2  
One of the most noticeable issues is whether the university should accept the balanced amount of each gender in all courses or not. In my opinion, I do not agree to equal the proportion of men and women in this situation.  
  
The first major reason is that having the same number of males and females in all courses is simply unrealistic. The institution receives the number of students based on the applications. If universities want to achieve this goal, they have to receive enough applicants of each gender. Based on reality, there are some courses that are only popular with male or female students. For example, nursing tends to attract women so it is difficult to enroll the same amount of male and females students. We cannot reject a female student in favour of a male student with lower grades or lower qualifications.  
  
I believe that every university wishes to select the best candidates according to qualifications. Therefore, each gender thinks that they will have the same opportunities to pursue their dream jobs. This is their motivation to work harder in order to gain success. On the other hand, if the number of both sexes is balanced, students will have more chance to have closer contact with people in another gender. In the future, this could become a chance to reduce the matrimonial problems.  
  
In conclusion, the same percentage of men and women in the course at university should be based on merit. Furthermore, changing the admission enroll based on grades to gender is unfair and impractical.
Hello! @joanemily Here are my advice for you!  
~~Based on reality~~ However, in reality,  
  
I think the first point of your argument is valid, however i have doubt about the second point seems like a further explanation of teh first point?  
  
If I were you, I may point out the statement is irrational since it ignored the fact that candidates should be selected merely based on ability instead of factors like gender.  
  
Also, it appears that you didnt include examples in your third paragraph, you better add example in your points
The opening paraphrase is short by one sentence. It does not meet the 3-5 sentence requirement per paragraph. Your concluding paragraph also has the same problem. Both paragraphs have the same purpose, to restate the prompt and discussion points in a manner that (for the opening) outlines the discussion or (for the concluding paragraph) reminds the reader of the pertinent discussion points in a summarized manner.  
  
The discussion instruction also asks you to measure your degree of dis/agreement with the given topic. So the simple "I do not agree" should be presented instead as "I greatly oppose" or "I heavily disagree". There has to be a measured emotional response that indicates a certain strength to your belief in your response.  
  
Great work on the first reasoning paragraph. You did even better in the second reasoning paragraph. Your ability to properly use the first person pronoun to emphasize your point will be greatly considered under the GRA marking of your essay. However, you created an under developed presentation with your second line of reasoning in the third paragraph.  
  
There was no need to mention matrimonial problems in this instance. This part of the discussion was left hanging and unclear to the reader. What does matrimonial problems have to do with the equal number of students in every subject? Since you did not complete the explanation, the topic appeared to be irrelevant and a deviation in the discussion. While your GRA score may be better scored, your C&C score will suffer from deductions because of this unnecessary topic presentation.
## Fashion and the young generations

  
  
Young generations currently try to keep up with the latest fashion trends. While I agree that this trend might benefit their social relationship, I would argue that the drawbacks are greater.  
  
To begin with, there are several reasons why keeping up with the latest fashion can benefit social life. Firstly, this is an excellent way for young people to beautify themselves when they wear fashionable items such as dress, necklace, and watch. As a result, they might feel more confident in socialising with their peers. Secondly, when they share and discuss new fashion trends with their friends, these conservations will help them blend with their groups. For example, my friends and I always start our conversation about some famous brands' newest shoes. If they do not catch up with fashion, they might be isolated when they do not have the same interest with their friends.  
  
However, I believe this tendency is not suitable for young generations. First, most of these people are studying, which means that they are not independent of finance. Therefore, when they do not have enough money to possess fashionable items, they might commit crime to satisfy their needs. For example, in Vietnam, a young boy, who was punished by sending to prison, stole a pair of Nike shoes because of a lack of money. Second, when young people are too addicted to fashion clothing, their study might be neglected. Their academic performance will be negatively affected, and they will fall behind the class. Third, since only affluent students can purchase the latest fashion clothing, they incidentally create a sharp divide between them and poor students.  
  
In conclusion, while I agree that following the newest fashion trends is beneficial to widening social relationships, I do not think this tendency is suitable for the young generations.
You wrote **While I agree that this trend might benefit their social relationship** but nobody said that in the task, you agreed with something that you created. You should have agreed or disagreed with the statement **Young generations now spend more time and money following fashion trends**.  
  
Also, you talk about benefits and drawbacks, but the task did not ask you about that, the question was whether you agree or disagree with the first statement.  
  
Your first body paragraph is not talking about young generations spending more money on fashion, you need to answer the questiion in the task.  
  
Your second body explains that it is bad for teenagers. Again - not what the question asked you about.  
  
But on the bright side - I learned a new word "beautify", I have never heard it before and dictionaries say it is real.
@RomanKoch  
I rewrote my essay, I forgot to analyse the question before writing. Are there any grammatical errors and word choice?  
  
While I accept that this tendency might be good for them in some ways, I would argue that ...  
  
To begin with, there are several benefits of keeping up with the latest fashion. Firstly, this ...  
..., they will feel isolated when ...  
  
However, I believe this trend is ...  
  
... trends is beneficial to the young generation in some extent, I do not think this ...
hi, i have some comments for you.  
  
1. you should not use personal example in an academic essay because, first, it'll make your essay sound subjective and second, it isn't a valuable resource to prove your idea  
  
2. like Roman said, you are a bit off-topic  
3. you should improve your range of vocabulary, here are some examples:  
  
- they are not independent of finance => they are financially dependent.  
- who was punished by sending to prison => who was imprisoned
Hi Lucas,  
  
I'm also studying on GRE AWA's, and I think your essay is quite nice. Just a thought that came in my mind that your sentence structure can be better. The usage of comas can be improved.  
  
For example in the second paragraph :  
**Secondly, when they share and ...** --> You can modify this as, '*Secondly, these conservations will help young people blend with their groups when they share and discuss new fashion trends.*  
  
Another one in the third paragraph :  
**For example, in Vietnam, a young ...** --> This can be written as, '*For example even though lacking money, a young boy in Vietnam was sent to prison because of stealing shoes.*
## Global warming is one of the biggest threats to our environment.

  
***What causes global warming?  
What solutions are there to this problem?***  
  
The environment is affected by many reasons and one of them is global warming. Humans activities release a large amount of carbon that creates the greenhouse situation which leads to global warming. This problem can be solved by the governments and individuals.  
  
Greenhouse is the main cause of global warming in this era. There are many activities of humans that cause this problem. Transport is the major carbon emission, particularly in urban areas where people's need for moving is high and they rather choose their private vehicles because it is more convenient. For example, each Vietnamese may have one scooter to use as an everyday vehicle when they attend universities or start working. Furthermore, industrial activities also contribute to the amount of carbon in the atmosphere when there are more and more plants constructed.  
  
However, there are solutions for this issue. Governments can introduce more strict laws and regulations in activities and production that may be harmful for the environment. This will prevent companies and organizations from doing activities that are not good for nature and they may have more careful decisions. Moreover, people can make their own campaign to raise awareness of society in using public transport instead of using their private vehicle. This may decrease the needs of private vehicles which helps the global warming problem be solved in the long run.  
  
In conclusion, global warming is the most concerning issue nowadays caused by the greenhouse situation from human activities. However, this issue can be tackled if governments and individuals are responsible and take actions to change.