dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Reviews for essays based on IELTS band descriptors are done in a private capacity already. Right now, we only offer general reviews for the essays provided. The review of your essay will still be useful to you as a reference.  
  
Your opinion is incomplete. While this is an agree or disageree essay, it is also, an extent essay. So your response is only partly correct as it does not respond using the emotional response requirement. You will only get a partial score for your partly correct response format.  
  
Now, the reasoning paragraphs are acceptable with the exception of your reference to the stamina of the extended family. You are automatically assuming that the elderly relatives will be caring for the children rather than a mix of both young and old relatives, creating an error in your judgement of the prompt discussion requirement. You may receive deductions for this incorrect assumption.  
  
The conclusion was good, but failed to add a reference to your extent response, which the examiner will look for when awarding scores per paragraph consideration, prior to the full scoring consideration.
## some school subjects are not necessary

  
  
There is an upward trend of replacing Arts and physical-training subjects with Logical subjects and Sciences which has led to lots of mixed reviews. Some people consider it is good for children to improve their IQ and logical intelligence while others complain that this activity are taking part in killing the Arts geniuses. From my perspective, I totally agree with the second opinion.  
  
First, as we all know that our brain is divided into two hemispheres: the left and the right and each takes charge of immensely different responsibilities while Sciences-related subjects are mostly left-brained. That prevents kids from overall personality development since they have to use their left brain to deal with a wide range of logical problems. It is good in some extent, but if a person just work on calculation and forget about emotion, no longer will they be human but a robot.  
  
Moreover, some students are truly doing well with their right brain as Arts geniuses in the past did. They possess admirable creativity and imagination, as well as a natural ability which let them released extraordinary ideas for world innovation. However, Arts elimination has unconsciously labeled them as dreamy and stupid individuals.  
  
In conclusion, despite key role of good Sciences foundation and logical thinking in 4.0 century, being man, the importance of emotion and creativity is still undeniable. Therefore, instead of replacing one thing by another one, why don't we seek a way to combine them wisely to bring better future for the next generations.
There is an upward trend of replacing  
You are referring to this essay in terms of task 1 wording. This is not good to use in a task 2 essay. That is because this is considered a personal reference that does not related directly to the original prompt statement. This creates an inaccurate version of the original topic.  
  
lots of mixed reviews  
Aside from the fact that this is a non-academic phrase, you are also not responding directly to the reference question in the original promopt. So your opinion does not have any solid thesis reference for the discussion aspect. The summary of the discussion plus your opinion presentation lacks in clarity and strength.  
  
I totally agree with the second opinion.  
Summarize the 2 reasons why you disagree to create the discussion outline in relation to your opinion. That will make a solid opinion statement on your part.  
  
However, Arts elimination has unconsciously labeled them as dreamy and stupid individuals.  
This needs further explanation development. It is incomplete and does not clearly connect with your opinion. Explain why this labeling is bad for the student in a manner that supports your idea.  
  
why don't we seek a way to combine them wisely to bring better future for the next generations.  
2 problems with this presentation. First, you cannot use conjunctions (don't = do not) in academic writing. That is a GRA deduction. Second, there is no reference in your restatement that a solution statement is required in the discussion. Since you added this at the end of the summary conclusion, this will cause points deductions due to an incorrect reverse paraphrase. Do not include information that is not directly requested in the prompt requirement. If it was asked for, then it should have a stand alone defense paragraph in the body of paragraphs.
## Employees need more leisure time from work

  
  
Holidays are something that many workers look forward to. In fact, I agree that that longer holiday should be provided for workers.  
  
Firstly, the first reason why letting workers to have more day off for holiday is a great decision is because it can help them to enhance their work performance later on. That is to say, if they have more time for themselves, they will get vacation to relieve stress after a hustle and bustle work that they have. For instance, workers in Facebook, multinational-company, in Singapura are more likely to have great and good decision when they have to deal with insurmountable marketing and operational problems in their company after taking 3-4 more days for holiday into account. Thus, the fact that taking more day offs for employees proves that the importance of holidays can not be overlooked in order to have employees with magnificent performance.  
  
The second argument in favor of giving the workers more vacation is because it can lead workers to have more time with their family which can increase their creativity in work environment. In other words, if they have a supportive and helpful family who stands by their side during difficulties, they feel loved and fulfilment, and this will make an impact on improving their creativity ideas which produce brilliant performances in their work life. For example, workers in marketing department in Vietnam have a tendency to produce magnificent performance in terms of great advertisement idea when they are allowed to have more day off for vacation. Because having more vacation and creativity are closely intertwined, it is much better for company to lead them having day off to give them more time for their family.  
  
The aforementioned evidence reveals that although workers should be responsible for their heavy workload, I would argue that letting them to take more holiday can be more beneficial to them in order to relax themselves before posing with another work at a later situation.
The prompt restatement + opinion is incorrect. It does not contain the original reference points for the topic basis. What is presented is the personal opinion of the writer, causing a failed task accuracy score. Yes, it is going to fail even as you provide a proper response to the agree or disagree question. That is because you did not provide a proper restatement or representation of the original prompt. Once there is a prompt alteration, as in your presentation, it will automatically have a failing TA score.  
  
Because having  
You cannot start a sentence with a connecting word. It is in fact, unnecessary in your sentence presentation. It was only used as an unnecessary word filler. Avoid using unnecessary words in your sentence formation, this can have a negative GRA effect.
## Wiritng IELTS 1- MAP - CHANGES

  
  
**The plans below show the site of an airport now and how it will look after redevelopment next year.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
The alterations an airport will go through in the following year are illustrated in the layouts. Overall, one year from now, the Southwest airport will have changed dramatically. There will not only be a major expansion of the gate area but also a significant addition of facilities.  
  
To be specific, it can be inferred that the gate area will be enlarged and reshaped. Currently, there are only 8 gates around the square chamber, but that number will rise to 18 and the gates will be equally divided into two parts of the new "Y" shape. In addition, the northern walkaway will be replaced with a longer route sky train at the center of the gate area.  
  
The departure and arrival area will also have experienced dramatical modifications, especially the facilities. Along with the addition of a new café after passing passport control at the arrival, at the departure, the café will be replaced with the Check-in as both of them have been repositioned. Besides, it is portrayed that a care hire and an ATM will appear in the arrival area while a shop will also be added and found between the passport control and the gates. Ultimately, the entrance can be seen to shift from one way to two way entrance after redevelopment.  
  
In summary, the map depicts the how the future airport will differ from the current layout. It is highlighted that the airport will have been modernized and improved with new convenience facilities.  
  
I'd love to hear feedback from you guys, thanks in advance!  
  
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Please get out of the compressed idea presentation per sentence mindset. The more information you try to add to a single sentence, the less understandable your discussion becomes. Try to properly represent your thoughts over several sentences. You will not be scored less for using 5 sentences, but you will be scored less when your sentences confuse the reader. Let me show you a clear example of one of your unclear sentences due to its long structure:  
  
The departure and arrival area will also have experienced dramatical modifications, especially the facilities  
Had you used a period to refer to the modifications then inferred the changes that would be made to the facilities in the next sentence, the presentation would not seem like an incomplete sentence presentation. You could have instead referenced this as:  
  
There will be notable changes to the facilities of the airport, specifically in the departure and arrival areas.  
  
\*Yes, it has to be areas+S because the reference has become plural since there is more than one inter-related section listed in the sentence.  
  
care hire  
Obvious lack of proof reading and information comparison with the image. It is Car Hire, not care hire.  
  
In summary,  
The summary conclusion you are presenting at the end is unnecessary. There is no need to repeat the information that was presented in the first paragraph. This is not an opinion essay, it is only a report presentation with analysis. There is no personal opinion required. Do not confuse yourself with the paragraph sections of the Task 1 and Task 2 essays.
\*\*\*Could you mark this according to 4 criterias like in the real IELTS writing test, namely Task Achievement, Coherence and Cohesion, Lexical Resource, Grammatical Range and Accuracy. Many thanks!  
  
For editing, content, and formatting needs please contact us at essayforum.com@gmail.com. Thank you! EF  
  
## the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients

  
  
The pie charts detail the average proportions of sodium, saturated fat and added sugar eaten in four types of meals in the USA.  
  
Looking from an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that sodium and saturated fat are consumed most during dinner, while in snacks, people eat added sugar with the highest amount. Furthermore, the closer to the end of the day, the more unhealthy food individuals consume in meals.  
  
Regarding sodium, individuals consume it with the largest amount in dinner, at 43%; the same trend is witnessed in the consumption of saturated fat with 37% at the same time of the day. In contrast, both in breakfast and snacks, citizens have the least proportion of sodium consumed, at 14%. Meanwhile, this figure in lunch approximately doubles those in breakfast and snacks, at 29%. In addition, people take saturated fat with the least amount in breakfast, at 16%. This figure in additional meals and lunch are roughly the same, at 26% and 21%.  
  
In terms of added sugar, over two fifths of this nutrient is taken in in snacks. This figure almost doubles the amount of added sugar consumed in dinner, which accounts for 23%. Lunch and breakfast record the minority of added sugar consumption, with 19% and 16%, respectively.  
  
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We do not rate the essays based on the IELTS considerations for free. For sectional scoring and assessment, you will have to contact us privately. Our free service only covers general reviews at this point. That will be the basis of the review for your essay.  
  
The pie charts  
Since you are mentioning the chart titles later on in the summary, you have to mention "the individual pie charts" to help the reader better understand the enumeration that will ber used later on in the summary sentence.  
  
four types of meals  
You have to list the 4 meals as specified in the overall image presentation. This will add to the clarity to the meal type reference as required. As a basic rule, when something is listed seperately in the image, you need to include that in the summary presentation. It adds to your task accuracy.  
  
Your analysis reference is not balanced. You over focused on the explanation of the third paragraph, when these should have been divided into 2 paragraphs to correctly follow the balance of discussion for 2 or more images.
## TOEFL: All university students should be required to take history courses

  
  
Even though everyone needs to know a little about history, I think if we have to choose one course to have all students take, it won't be history. History is good, but not the most important thing that we have to learn about. In addition, it can also negatively affect students' interactions inside the university.  
  
I think history as a field of study is overvalued. As they say, people who don't learn from their mistakes in the past will inevitably repeat those mistakes in the future. However, I don't think this phrase necessarily is true. We are living in a completely different world from the past. The issues we are struggling with at this time are more complicated and we can't rely on what we have learnt from the past. For instance, the Internet affected almost all aspects of our lives in the modern era. Today, thanks to the world wide web connection, it's not easy to deceive people with wrong information about other parts of the world. It's just a matter of minutes to scroll down on the internet and find out about the reality. On the dark side, the internet made it possible for different groups to practice cyber spying without running the risk of endangering their lives. Now the question is how we can use past experiences to solve these issues while the nature of problems has changed so dramatically? I think, exposing the students to more practical courses such as modern economics, information processing, psychology and sociology equips them with more vital knowledge to survive in new conditions.  
  
Not only learning about history is not the most important knowledge that one can acquire, but also it can negatively affect the friendly atmosphere of the universities. Today, every university tries to increase diversity among students and absorb many students from different cultures. Even if we logically accept that we all are equal, in the end, we can't deny our sense of belonging to our ethnicity, race and nationality. I strongly believe repeating the story of wars between old nations triggers people coming from two sides against each other, even when they seem to be best friends. That's why I think it's better to forget about the past and focus more efforts on fortifying friendships.  
  
Overall, I think life always keeps changing and every time has its properties. To some extent, it would be beneficial to learn a little about the past so that we realize where our problems stem from. However, we can't apply the results of previous experiences directly to new situations. To me, enhancing our general perspective of human beings and their interactions, and analyzing each situation independently based on the existing data, seems to be more useful than relying on the outcomes of the past events.
I think  
This phrase made your opinion statement less than convincing. You are uncertain of your opinion in a set up that requires you to have the strength to back up your opinion with facts and strong personal references. If you had skipped this statement of doubt, your opinion presentation would really be convincing and strong. You have to present your opinion that shows you standing by your statement, regardless of what other people think. Your uncertainty is reflected more than once in this essay, which really makes your discussion even weaker and unimpressive.  
  
don't  
You are writing an academic essay. You cannot use contractions. Alwayse use both words for formalities sake.  
  
In reference to the understandability of your essay, it is understandable overall, regardless of the incorrect grammar and sentence structures. You have done an almost acceptable job in this test. More practice is still required. You have the potential to get a high score because you can make yourself understood even with imperfect English. Work on perfecting your sentence presentation and word usage to achieve that.
## weekly earnings of full-time graduate employees

  
  
The graph shows the amount earned by graduates of different age groups in 2002. It includes those with a degree, those with a higher degree (postgraduate) and those with other qualifications. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.  
  
The given line graph described how much the graduates earned in 2002 from different age groups, and from those having different qualifications. Overall, we can clearly see that those people that were younger would earn more than the elder ones.  
  
Firstly, with people having higher degree there was an upward trend, in which the number climbed dramatically, with those were from 21-35 years old. About the elder ones, from 35-45, the increase was slight, from between 600 and 700 to between 700 and 800. On the other hand, there was a marginal fall with people from 41-45 to 51-55, it dropped from between 700 and 800 to a little bit more than 700, whereas, with the oldest people, the amount of money grew up gradually to approximately 800. Secondly, there was a steady increase recorded with people from 21-40, and having low degree, then with the elder one, the money that they can earn stayed unchanged, between 700 and 800. Finally, with other ones, it was recorded that the younger people from 21-40 years old earned more, there was a dramatical upward trend, whilst with the people were 45 or older, the money they can made dropped steadily  
  
To sum up, we see that all people with different ages and different qualifications would earn money high or low  
  
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Incorrect writing format. You cannot use the task 2 essay format for the task 1 essay. The task 1 essay is comprised of no more than 3-4 paragraphs, depending on the number of images presented for the examinee. You only need 3 paragraphs in this essay:  
  
- Summary +trending sentence  
- Analysis and comparison 1  
- Analysis and comparison 2  
  
There is no concluding statement in the task 1 test.  
  
The third paragraph is over written due to the incorrect presentation format. The comparisons must be divided into 2 paragraphs. I would suggest that you rewrite this essay using the correct presentation format instead. I cannot accurately review your writing skills at this point because your presentation format is incorrect.
## us energy consumption

  
  
The line graph below illustrates the information taken from a report written in 2008 about energy usage in America from 1980 with predictions until 2030.  
Overall, it is clear that people in the USA have the biggest consumption of petrol and oil. Also, the expenditure on nuclear, solar/wind and hydropower remained unchanged throughout the period shown.  
  
In 1980, the number of units of petrol and oil consumed in the US totaled exactly 35 quadrillions. The figures were considerably lower for coal and natural gas at about 20 quadrillions and nuclear, solar/wind, and hydropower all have the same consumption at nearly 5 quadrillions each.  
  
By 2030, the amount of petrol and oil consumed by Americans is expected to rise sharply, reaching a peak of almost 50 quadrillion units, while consumption is anticipated to increase to about 25 and 30 quadrillion units for coal and natural gas, respectively. Similarly, slight rises in the amount of fuel consumed are predicted for nuclear, solar/wind, and hydropower.  
  
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In reality, your summary sentence is not changed enough to be considered an information restatement on your part. This was caused by the use of more of the original keywords in your presentation, rather than the use of word equivalents. If the examiner suspects that you cannot write anything original, and need to use cut and paste references for any reason, there will be a very strong tendency for the examiner to give you a failing grade.  
  
that people in the USA have the biggest consumption of petrol and oil  
In comparison to what country? The reference point is incorrect. This should not use a comparative format, but be written as a statement of fact instead.  
  
The analysis paragraphs are mostly confusing run-on sentences that could have used more clarity in the presentation. You need to write individual idea sentences instead of merged idea sentences. The latter is what resulted in the under developed and somewhat confusing comparison paragraphs. You skipped on the reporting and analysis of specific information from the line graphs.
## "throwaway" society

  
  
In this day and age, citizens tend to live in a lavish civilization in a few nations, people only avail objects of a brief period after tossing them away. From my perspective, this phenomenon is driven by myriad reasons and some adverse impacts could have on individuals.  
  
There are two underlying reasons why people behave in that manner. First and foremost, people desire to stay at pace with the trend. To avoid falling behind, the public would seek more new gorgeous items that are appropriate for the times. For instance, young people readily afford around 2000 dollars for a trendy smartphone from Apple company to show it off to netizens. Another main culprit behind over-consumerism is advertisements. They appear throughout all places with a variety of eye-catching and stylish products that make people want to own them.  
  
It is obvious that numerous detrimental influences could happen to the aforementioned problems. Firstly, a number of people can be getting into debt. Despite the fact that their funds are restricted, they continue to shop. Hence, they have to borrow money from the bank to cover those expenses. Secondly, natural sources will be overexploited. Basically, the more regular items people use, the more products are manufactured.  
  
In conclusion, there are several factors leading to the background of the throwaway society. Moreover, the increase of consumer debts and environmental ruin are two main problems due to this community.