dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Ji, please remember the English capitalization rule regarding the use of the letter I. When used to refer do oneself, it must always be written in capital form. There are also the small spelling differences between UK and American English. They often add the letter "U" to the words that they spell, which make it different from American English. Therefore, it is "colour" nor "color", "colouring" instead of "coloring". It is also more appropriate to say "and they do not get bored" as opposed to "but also they do not be bored."  
  
It appears that you were lax in your proofreading as well. You did not catch that the word "bu" does not make sense. What exactly where you trying to say? There is also the missing comma that is required after the introduction when you said "Thus, reading..." There is always a comma after the word "Thus" when used as an introductory element. You really need to be more careful when it comes to your English grammar rules. You only capitalize the first word of a sentence, not the first 2 words. So you cannot say "Also, For" as the second word needs to be written in lowercase.  
  
You need a refresher course with regards to English grammar and sentence structures. Your build up for errors in that regard will result in a significant lowering of your GRA score during the actual test. Good job with writing more than the word count though. It is enough to help you get a better scoring consideration overall and also allows you to have ample time to review your presentation for spelling errors and presentation issues.  
  
In the prompt paraphrase, since you already delivered a direct response to the question, there is no need to say that you will explain your reasons and opinion in the essay. That is already a given since you responded to the question . You should only include a statement about what you will be discussing in the essay if you are using a comparative opinion essay format.  
  
While your essay has grammatical imperfections and lacks fluency in most of its presentation, you managed to make yourself understood for a majority of the essay presentation. That is half the battle done. It would also be better if you practice using transition sentences at the end of the reasoning paragraphs to introduce the next topic then using a topic sentence to start the next paragraph instead of counting your reasons. Using the transition method of discussion will help to increase your GRA score.  
  
The other problem your essay had towards the end is that rather than summarizing the discussion points as required for the concluding summary, you continued to discuss the essay, which created an open ended rather than closed discussion. As such, the essay appears to be under developed and little discussed. Next time, just summarize the prompt, your reasons, and your opinion as the closing statement of the essay.  
  
Overall, this is a good first attempt at Task 2 writing. I hope to see continued improvement in your writing skills over the coming days with your succeeding practice essays. I will be here to guide you every step of the way for as long as you need me to.
I can see that you just wrote only positive impacts of reading amusement books and that's your personal preference. But I would suggest you that you should also focus on some demerits also. For instances, children can be too much obsessive on fictional/comic books. So they might start to read them during their studies. And that's a hindrance towards their study. Moreover, children might start to read some adult comics which are objectionable for them to read.  
  
Plus. You can also add some advantages also. Example : Comic books like DC or, MARVEL often introduce hypothesis of quantum sciences/ relativity of time and other higher physics which children find pleasure to read them, thus make them much knowledgeable in those fields.  
  
I hope you found my suggestion helpful. Thanks
## money spent for children's physical activity

  
  
The line graphs illustrate two sets of data about the monthly amount of money that British parents spent for their children's sport since 2008 to 2014 and the number of kids who take part in football, athletics, and swimming. Overall, the first visual shows that there is a linear increase in children's sports spending of parents. Different than the first one, the second line graph demonstrates three different trends of balancing, slight fluctuate, and gradual increase of football, athletics, and swimming respectively.  
  
First of all, only in 6 years, the amount of money that parents willing to pay for their children's sports has rocketed from 20 pounds in 2008 to over 30 pounds in 2014.  
  
The number of children who participate in the 3 sport also shows an increase in number but with different rates and trends. From 2008 to 2014, Football, which has the highest number of participants is balanced in the range between over 7.5 million and under 10 million. Athletics started off small with a quarter of 2.5 million but rocketed in 2010 and reached its peak at a little bit over 5 million in 2012. Swimming shows a similar rate of development to that of the parent's monthly spending on children's sport. It was just under 2.5 million in 2008 but gradually increasing since then and will catch up with athletics at this rate.  
  
*   
*The task*
Cao, your first sentence is confusing to read. It tends to confuse the reader because, rather than separating the data content for the two graphs, you decided to create a run-on sentence that combines 2 separate discussion points in one sentence. Thus making is difficult for the reader to comprehend. It becomes confusing to understand in this instance. A separation is required for the presentation. Here is a sample:  
  
*Two line charts have been provided for this discussion. The first chart indicates the amount of money that British parents tend to fork out in terms of fees for the sports their offspring played in 2008 and 2014. The second line chart, deals with information regarding the juvenile participants in football, athletics, and swimming. The number of young participants was counted in the millions. The trend for the first graph shows and increasing amount of spending for sport participation while the second graph indicates a plateauing for child participants in the 3 sports.*  
  
A separation of information presentation helps the reader keep track of the presented information and also, allows the reader to understand the series of upcoming presentations for the succeeding paragraphs.  
  
There best way to ensure that you will be presenting a clear explanation of the data is by allowing your information to be presented over a series of 4 paragraphs. That way you can allot the presentation this way:  
  
Par. 1 - Summary overview (with optional trending statement)  
Par. 2 - First chart discussion  
Par. 3 - Second chart discussion  
Par. 4 - General trending statement  
  
The trending statement can be presented anywhere within the 4 paragraphs. While I opted to include it in the summary overview in my presentation, you may wish to present it as a separate paragraph in order to allow yourself more space to explain your understanding of both charts. Never present a stand-alone single sentence as the minimum sentence requirement per paragraph is 3 sentences. Write less than that in your essay per paragraph and you could risk a lower GRA and C&C score.  
  
Work on the grouping of your information presentation so that your essay will be more coherent and cohesive in discussion. As of now, your presentation suffers due to the length of blurred information presentation on your part.
hi,  
  
Despite the suggestions given above, there are other two things you should pay attention:  
Do not write too many words in task 1 because not only it will run out of time for task 2, but also it shows you don't have the ability the summarize the information.  
  
Be careful of your grammar, the charts are talking about things between 2008 and 2014, so you should use the past tense instead of the present simple.
This task is a little difficult for me. Please check this essay if you have time. Thank you in advance  
  
*You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.  
  
The graph below shows information on employment rates across 6 countries in 1995 and 2005.  
  
Summarise the information by choosing and describe the main idea, and make comparisons where appropriate.  
  
» Write at least 150 words.*  
  
## Employment Rates by Country, 1995-2005

 (Please check attached file to see the picture)  
  
Answer:  
  
The supplied bar graph compares the employment rates between working men and women in 6 different countries including Australia, Switzerland, Iceland, UK, New Zealand and the USA for the years 1995 and 2005.  
  
It is clear that more men were employed than that of women in all of the given six nations. the second biggest point is that the employment conditions in Iceland, Switzerland were comparatively better than the other four countries.  
  
As is observed from the given data, the gap between male and female job holders ranged from approximately 10% to 18% over the six countries in the time mentioned. The greatest scale occurred in New Zealand and USA in the year 2005. Specifically, there was about 62 percent of men who had a job, but only 44 percent of women were employed in the USA whereas these figures were 42 percent and 24 percent respectively in New Zealand. On the contrary, Iceland was the place where showed the smallest difference in the percentage of male and female workers. It was 52 percent for men and this sector for women was nearly 42 percent.  
  
For male gender, among 6 countries above, it can be seen that labor market was by far the most abundant in Iceland with approximately 71 percent and 83 percent of men were hired in 1995 and 2005 respectively. For female gender, Switzerland was the place where satisfied the highest ratio demand for job seekers. According to the statistic, 55 percent and 68 percent of women could find their job in 1995 and 2005 respectively.  
  
*
Hi,  
  
I guess you linked the wrong image so I cannot give any specific suggestions regarding your essy. However, it seems like you wrote too much, which was not encouraged as you will running out of time for task 2.  
  
Also, from the prompt it seems like two different time is compared in the chart, so I supposed to see words like 'increased' ' decreaded' in your body paragraph, which indicates the changes during the time.  
  
cheers.
## healthy lifestyle - IELTS writing task 2

  
  
*some people say that the government should ensure that people lead a healthy life, while others believe individuals should have their own choices. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.*  
  
The healthy lifestyle is important because it has a direct bearing on our dignity and well-being. Some people believe governments' regulations are needed to lead a healthy life, while others think it is a personal choice. From a personal view, I do not believe people will actively engage in it unless governments take some actions.  
  
On the one hand, the authorities' requirements can increase the number of people who have a healthy lifestyle. In this case, governments are likely to conduct a series of restrictions on goods which have adverse impacts on people's health, such as imposing high taxes on alcohol and cigarettes. Some punishments may also be taken to prevent people from not doing exercise. As a result, an increasing number of people will join activities which can improve their health.  
  
On the other hand, people should have rights to choose what kind of life they want to have because they can be happy in this way. People who have always been enjoying healthy fruits and vegetables will keep doing so. However, if governments put compulsory regulations on these people's life, they will suffer from massive pressure and may no longer enjoy the lifestyle that they used to have.  
  
In my opinion, it is more important for governments to guide people about how to lead a healthy life. Many people may not aware of the dangers of bad living habits they are having at the moment. For example, office workers will do more outdoor activities if governments advertise a concept that sitting for a long time will reduce people's lifespan.  
  
In conclusion, people can benefit the most from governments' advice on how to have a healthy life.  
(278 words) Thank you for your advice in advance :0
Nicoel, you did not properly represent the prompt discussion instructions in the prompt paraphrase although you discussed the opinions as instructed in the body of paragraphs. You should not have indicated a direct response because this is a comparative essay, not a direct question essay. Remember, comparative essays ask you to reintroduce the discussion instruction as based on your understanding. This is indicated by the requirement: "Discuss both views and give your own opinion". The proper instruction paraphrase for this is:  
  
*Based on a clear assessment of the two public beliefs regarding this discussion, I believe I will be able to develop an understandable personal point of view.*  
  
Or any variation thereof. What is important is that you indicate / outline how the discussion is to be presented in the reasoning paragraphs.  
  
Now, I will admit that you did a good job in the discussion paragraphs lthough, I would have preferred that you did not use the memorized phrases yet again to kick off your first sentence in every paragraph. Using a topic sentence instead of "On the one hand" or "On the other hand" would better increase your GRA score because you are not using word fillers that do not really help to increase the interest or meaning of your paragraph. Try to use topic sentences next time that immediately tell the reviewer what the paragraph topic will be about.  
  
Work on your concluding summary. That is not to be presented as a single liner at the end of the essay. Rather, it is supposed to remind the reader, or recap the discussion for the benefit of the reader. That is why the concluding summary always requires the following information:  
  
1. A restatement of the discussion topic  
2. 3 reasons as stated in the subject sentence paragraphs of the 3 body reasoning paragraphs  
3. Closing sentence that reiterates the strength of your point of view  
  
Properly rephrasing the concluding paragraph, in a manner similar to the original prompt will allow you to maximize your overall scoring potential. Don't waste the opportunity to increase your scoring possibility with every properly developed paragraph. Overall though, you have shown improvement in your relevant writing skills and you were able to meet a majority of the required discussion parameters in your presentation. I hope to see continued improvement with your forthcoming essays. Good job! Keep Writing, you can only get better at it.
*The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum.  
  
To extent do you agree or disagree?*  
  
## Learning about Obesity Prevention

  
  
The increasing numbers of overweight people assume that integration PE into academic curriculum in school is the best solution for addressing an issue regarding for weight. Admittedly, physical activities play a significant role in making improvements of children's physical health and prevention from obesity.  
  
In the one hand, students have opportunities to access health-enhancing activities through enrolling in physical lessons in order to prevent obesity and maintain an elastic and flexible body. In fact, by participating in movement activities in school, students are able to reduce large extra calories in the body that is one of the main causes of obesity. Such substances certainly will be more and more stored as fat since virtually all children tend to eat unhealthy food like fast food. In addition, routine physical movement is an inevitably component for building healthy bones and muscular. This can protect against injuries and make body more active. Even recreational sports like football performed in the extra-curriculum provide students chance to play with their fellows in order to increase quick reflexes in them.  
  
On the other hand, through lessons in school, children are more likely to perceive an importance of PE in staying fitness. By encouraging students to engage in physical lessons, they are aware on a responsibility of preservation a healthy life. In turn, they tend to develop an interest in sport and make it a good habit in their daily life. Besides, movement activities like football, tennis also support their absorption of nutrients and digestive procession that have beneficial effects on improvement on appearance and health for later generations.  
  
In conclusion, physical education brings detectable impact on prohibition overweight issues in adolescent. is considered as an inevitable way in prohibition overweight issues in children and adults. Introduction PE into school curriculum is considered as effective way to tackle this problem.
1. integration -> Intergrating  
2. for addressing an issue regarding for weight. -> to fix child obesity  
3. of -> **in a**  
4. ~~and prevention from obesity.~~  
5. ~~In the one hand~~  
6. ~~in the body ... of obesity.~~  
7. ~~On the other hand, ... staying fitness.~~  
8. ~~they are aware ... a healthy life.~~ -> we are preparing them for a healthy life.  
9.  ~~Besides~~
Phuong, this essay will get a TA score of 1, which will effectively prevent you from getting a passing score with this essay that you have written. You have not discussed the topic in the way that the prompt has instructed you to do so. This resulted in a severe prompt deviation or changing of the discussion style that led to a change of topic as well. Hence, this essay will be viewed as not having responded to the task in an appropriate manner. The error is glaring when you consider that the:  
  
*Original Question: The what extent do you agree or disagree?*  
  
was responded to with the following:  
  
*Response: Admittedly, physical activities play a significant role in making improvements of the children's physical health and prevention from obesity.*  
  
The error in the Task 1 response is so bad that it will be useless for me to review your LR, GRA, and C&C mistakes because if I do that, nothing will be left of your final score. Before you continue to write practice essays, you should first become knowledgeable regarding the types of Task 2 essays and how you are expected to respond to them. There are enough examples for you to learn from at this forum, just use the Simiar Discussion links to read the other samples which will also lead you to learn from the advice given to the previous test takers. If you have any questions, feel free to post those in this forum and I will get back to you with an explanation or clarification.  
  
You don't have the writing skills at the moment, nor the English comprehension skills to pass the test at this moment, based on this practice essay. You should improve over time through grammar lessons, sentence structure exercises, and practice essays. I suggest doing well with the 2 early foundations before you delve into actual essay writing.
Hello everyone. I would appreciate it if you could help me with this paragraph.  
  
## where to live - in a city or in a village?

  
  
Living in a city or staying in a village both have definite benefits for people. If you live in a city, it may bring you more advantages than you can imagine. It can not be denied that the percentage of finding a good job in a city is much higher than elsewhere because it is an ideal location for many potential companies. Not only does the city bring you many unparalleled opportunities, but it also helps you to expand your circle of acquaintances for meeting new people. Another good reason to live in a big city is to access everywhere more easily via public transportations, or a short drive. On the other hand, there are also advantages when you stay in a village. It's cheaper than living in a big city, so you can save money for other things. Also, the pace of living here is not as fast as living in a city, that means you will have more quality times with your family and friends. In conclusion, if you are thinking about where to live, consider all of these benefits and make a decision that is right for you.
Nguyet, you cannot separate the word cannot into "can not" as that would be a conflicting reference. "Can" means you are able to while "not" means unable to. using the words separately means you are both able and not able to, that results in a confusing reference. While "cannot", the contracted form of the two words clearly means "unable to".  
  
You need to learn to develop your discussion points such as "... more advantages than you can imagine." what advantages are these? Such topic references should be used only as separate paragraph openers, not as a part of a single paragraph presentation. Your paragraph is scattered and does not have any particular discussion focus which means there is no sense to the discussion that a reader can follow. It does not have a clear discussion point that tells the reader what direction the writer is leading into. That is caused by your inability to separate and properly develop your discussion topics as you are presenting partial discussions throughout one paragraph. Overall, the essay has good discussion points but makes little sense in terms of properly explanining what these discussion points are about.
i'm practicing to write Ielst task1 essay, please help me get high score!!!  
  
## **COMPARISON OF THE ROAD CHANGES TO HOSPITAL IN A CITY**

  
  
Given are the two maps illustrating changes of road access to a city hospital in 2007 and in 2010.  
  
From an overall perspective, infrastructure was noticeably transformed with developments around after 3 years. All changes mostly came from East and South of the city hospital.  
  
In 2010, Public car park on the right of the city hospital was built and also there was another entrance opened in here. Instead of in 2007, there was only an entrance and car park was used for both staff and public. At the south, the map added two roundabouts. One was at the crossway which City road and Hospital road intersected and another located at cross of Ring road and Hospital road.  
  
According to time development, car park used for staff and public before was used for staff in 2010. Six bus stops near Hospital road in 2007 were replaced by a big bus station in South West of the hospital. Even, the bus station was straightly connected with the two roundabouts of Hospital road.  
  
Thanks for reading <3