dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hello  
  
In the first paragraph, you wrote data on how much car commuter which has different meaning from car ownership. Maybe you can change it into data on how many cars commuters had or numbers of vehicles which commuters possessed in the UK by proportion  
  
Because you didn't offer the graph, I'm not sure what you want to express in the opposite is true for no-car household, I think you should change adjective here.  
  
Also, you need to use past tense ... more than one car increased significantly, ... Also, there ~~is~~ was a slight rise ... ( if you want to describe the future trend, using words like anticipate or expect is necessary.  
  
There are some grammar mistakes, accounted  ~~foe~~  for,  
Compared with nearly 35% ... should be Compared with commuters without having a car, figures of those whom owned one car and over occurred in 35 % and 11 % respectively.  
  
grow ~~up about~~ over 40%, which more cars accounting ? (not sure what it means, grammar is not right, either. ), predicted by just 15% at the end
***TOPIC: Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school.  
## Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?***  
  
MY ESSAY:  
People have argued that what the right age is for the children to start learning a new language. Some would assume the student at primary school should learn a foreign language as they may pick up considerably faster and more accurate pronunciation in early age while it may have negative impacts on the development of a child's mother tongue. From my perspective, I would argue more benefits come from letting the young to speak foreign in their early age.  
  
On the one hand, a child in primary school have better memory on vocabulary and be less self-conscious to speak a language from overseas countries through practices. When they are young, they are trained as a habitual practice to speak with foreigner. It is better for them to overcome fears in the young age. For example, in western society, parents usually teach their young kids some uncharted sports such as ice-skating. Furthermore, due to globalization it goes without saying that speak languages other than their mother tongue is growing extremely important these days.  
  
On the other hand, given that other subjects such as Math or Natural Sciences are considered notably important by school authorities, learning foreign language can waste time than used to study those subjects. Besides, learning another language can interfere with the development of children's mother tongue. For example, student can confuse between grammatical usage and spelling of words of two languages. This could lead to the struggle to use their mother tongue.  
  
To conclude, despite school administrator's preference on subjects and confusion that may be aroused from learning a second language, the benefits of learning new languages still outweigh the drawbacks because as a trend, parents would support their kids to learn foreign languages in early age to give an edge over the elder ones.
@kev2  
Hello, your essay is quite good to me but I have some recommendation s to further improve your essay  
1. I think your introductory paragraph is a little bit lengthy. You only need to summarize the question so just save the explanation for the body. (look at your second sentence)  
  
2. ... school ~~have~~ has a better memory  
3. speak with foreigners  
4. speaking languages  
5. learning a foreign language can waste thetime ~~than~~ used to ...  
  
Hope my comments can help you
@kev2  
I think using only 2 sentences for the first paragraph is enough. Perhaps you can write like: "People have long debated over the suitable age for children to learn a new language/ whether students should learn a new language at primary or secondary school. From my perspective, children can reap the benefit from studying foreign language at an early age.  
  
About your intro, you should avoid repeating the word "argue" and argue over what the right age... is better than "argue that"
## compare the sources of air contamination in the uk

  
  
The given graph depicts 3 sources of air pollutants in the UK over a fifteen-years period starting from 1990.  
As can be seen from the graph, it is clearly evident that the total amount of pollutants in the air dropped between these year. The decrease in air pollutant from industrial source was particularly significant.  
  
In 1990, the amount of pollutants from industrial source was about 5.5 million tonnes. There was a slight decrease in that in 1993 and it accounted for 5 million tonnes. From 1993 to 2005, it declined significantly with a particularly sharp fall between 1993 and 1996. In contrast, the amount of air pollutants from transport was relatively constant at 1 million tonnes a course of fifteen years starting from 1990. Last but not least, air pollutants from households saw a decrease from almost 1 million tonnes in 1990 to approximately 0.1 million tonnes by 2005.  
  
Furthermore, the total amount of air pollutants declined rapidly from 1990 to 2005, with a slight drop between 1999 and 2000.  
  
*Where's the graph?*
Hi there,  
  
As the graph is missing, I will only give some grammatical suggestions for now.  
  
1. it is ~~clearly~~  evident that ...  
"Clearly" is redundant because it means the same as "evident".  
  
2. ... tonnes **over** a course of ...  
  
Overall, the essay is well structured and I think your choices of word to describe increases/decreases are admirable.
## the dilemma of learning a new language early

  
  
TOPIC: Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?  
  
MY ESSAY:  
People have a variety of opinions over the right age of learning a second language. From my perspective, children should start studying new languages when they are still at primary school.  
  
On the one hand, early study of language has a few negative impacts on children. Firstly, other subjects such as math or science are considered more important by school administrators, and learning a foreign language can waste the time used to study those subjects. Another disadvantage is that learning another language can interfere with the development of children's mother language. For example, student can confuse between the grammatical usage and spelling of two languages. This would lead to the struggle to use one own mother tongue.  
  
On the other hand, learning a foreign language at primary age offers students an edge over older starters. One clear benefit is that children can boost their vocabulary and proficiency through the method of playing games, which is difficult to apply in terms of older learners. Another good point is that children at elementary school are rarely self - conscious. Thus, it would be easier for them to improve their skills through practice, especially in speaking sections, regardless of how others may think of them. Besides, young children would find it effortless to pick up the pronunciation better compared to the difficulty elderly ones would face. Finally, it goes without saying that the ability to speak languages other than their mother tongue is growing extremely important these days due to globalization.  
  
In conclusion, although learning a new language has some negative effects, I believe that its benefits still overweigh the drawbacks.
Hello~  
  
I only have two suggestions.  
I think you can add a little explanation about why people have debates on the age of learning a foreign language in the first paragraph, so it can drag your idea more smoothly.  
  
Another is about the first benefit of studying a foreign language in primary school, you mentioned the positive effect of studying while playing games. I think maybe you can emphasize more on it or make a comparison, so it would be clearer for readers to understand why it is practical to conduct this activity.  
  
Hope my suggestions are helpful~
## high, modern building or a traditional house?

  
  
These days, younger often wonder whatever to stay in a building with modern facilities or a grounding house with yard. I personally chose to live in a high-quality apartment in a horizontal city due to many obvious advantages.  
  
Owning a private house is beneficial in some ways. Firstly, people just have to pay less for building services. Besides electronic bills and water usage bills, owners do not need to pay for security service, environmental service and a bunch of requirement fees. Additionally, living lower to the ground is safer for inhabitants when emergencies occur. It is easier for people to escape from fire of a house than a tall building. For example, in the year of 2018, there was more than 3 buildings in Vietnam were affected by fire, most of inhabitants living in higher apartment were lack of survival skills when facing the emergency.  
  
On the other hand, there are variety reasons why people decide to live in tall buildings. One reason is that a city with skyscrapers will have more space for public usage. Small business could rent an apartment from its owner as a small office. Landlords buy these small rooms for rent then earn profits from their renters. Furthermore, a wide rage of goods and services is available for everyone for inhabitants living in buildings. Modern apartments contain a number of free services such as swimming pool, tennis club, parks, yoga, personal training at gymnastic that allow people to approach the best conditions. For instance, my sister is living in a modern building, instead of paying a lot of money for a yoga class, she now could join in this for free.  
  
If I have a choice, I would like to live in a apartment with good facilities for free rather than that of a traditional house.
@vuvietha  
Hello, I have some suggestions to improve your essay:  
1. ~~younger~~ young people  
2. ~~whatever~~ whether  
3. Besides ~~electronic~~ electricity and water usage bills ~~and water usage bills~~ ( avoid repetition here) same problem with the word "service"  
4. ~~when emergencies occur~~ in case of emergency  
5. escape from ~~fire~~ ~~of~~ a house than a tall building when fire occurs  
6. there are a variety of reasons
Hello~  
  
Personally speaking, I think you can explain more about this topic in the first phrase because you dragged this idea a little too straightforwardly without any description.  
  
Also, in the third paragraph, you mentioned your first argument about the benefit of living in apartments, but you talked the public usage for small business. Actually, I don't really understand what is your statement here, maybe it's my problem ? Public usage for me is like your second arguments which mentioned the free services for residents ( gym, swimming pool, etc. ) I believe if you can explain this more clearly is better.  
  
Hope my suggestions are helpful for you~
## more to learn than to lose

  
  
It is becoming increasingly common for young people to take a job for several years before coming to the university. Although this could have some advantages and also disadvantages, I believe that the convenience is outweigh to the drawbacks.  
  
Working before going to study in a university give the young many advantages. First of all, they will have changes to gain their skills such as time management, communicating confidently with others and handling their money effectively. Also, young people could earn their experience in work. Perhaps, they can use the computer in a professional way or talk naturally with customers. Beside that, young people can build their relationship by their jobs. They could work and meet may people. In the same way, young people could learn how to do the team work and learn experience from other people. Finally, working will give them more money in order to improve their life.  
  
On the other hand, working before going to study in a university has some disadvantages. I think the biggest problem is that the young lack of skills and experience for their jobs while companies or organisations sometime just need the experienced. In addition, young people could take a long time to get used to do with their jobs, which is not really simple.  
  
All in all, young people should be recommended to have jobs for a few years between school and university. Taking up a job can give them more changes to learn than to lose. Therefore, it could help them make their life be better.
@Cuong Trinh  
Hello! I have some suggestions for you  
1. before ~~coming to~~  going to/attending ~~the~~ university  
2. the convenience ~~is~~ outweighs ~~to~~ the drawbacks.  
3. Working before ~~going to~~ studying ~~in a~~ at university gives  
4. ~~changes~~  chances  
5. avoid being repetitive with "young people". Maybe you can change it to "the youth" or only "people"
I am preparing for ielts .Therefore , I hope you can give me some feebacks or comments on it . Thanks a lot.  
  
## money on school in the uk

  
  
The three pie charts illustrate how different sectors contributed to the total school spending of a UK school in the years 1981,1991 and 2001.  
  
Overall, teachers' salaries made up the biggest part of the chart,while insurancs contributed the least in the total school spending.  
  
Teachers' salaries sector accounted for 40% in total school spending in 1981 and increased 10%of the pie chart in 1991.However, it reduced to 5 % in the year of 2001. In the meanwhile,resources,including books had a slight growth of 5 %from 1981 to 1991 but it dropped to 9% in 2001. For the insurance sector, it made up to 2% and 3% in 1981 and 1991 respectively, and these figures rose to 8% in 2001.  
  
Furniture and equipment,which comprised 15% of total school spending, fell to only 5% in 1991. However, it increased rapidly up to 23%. In contrast, other workers' salaries decreased gradually from 28% in 1981 to the end of 15% in 2001.
## requesting friend to translate something

  
  
***You need a translation of a document into a different language and you have a friend who speaks that language.  
·Explain what the document is and why you need a translation  
·Explain why this is urgent and important for you  
·Ask your Friend if and when he/she will be able to help you***  
  
Dear Tom,  
  
I hope you're doing well. I'm just writing to ask for your favour to translate some of my papers into Africaans.  
  
As you've already known, my family and I are moving to South Africa and we've been required to submit a letter of interests before the Consulate of South Africa approve our application and send out an invitation to immigrate. However, they've informed us that the letter must be in English and Africaans to become eligible.  
  
Also, we have to submit our letter before August 30th, so it's quite urgent at the moment. It won't be accepted after due day, and we'll have to start the immigration process that takes over 9 months all over again. You can see there it's very important to my family.  
  
I know you're a master of this language so I'd be extremely grateful if you could give me a hand on this one. I'll be forever in debt to you and I'll be glad to help you with anything in the future. So, please help me with this translation.  
  
Please give me a call as soon as possible.  
  
All the best,  
  
Truong
@coke  
Hi there. Thanks for consistently being a member of the forum. I hope you're doing well. I'll try my best to assist you in your writing endeavors.  
  
Firstly, I find that the first sentence appears to be quite lacking in terms of appeal. I agree with the previous comment that you need to add more of a casual flair to ensure that it's a lot less formal, considering that *that* should be the nature of this text.  
  
Furthermore, work on the structure of your content. This pertains to usage of punctuation to enhances the pauses and academic appropriateness of the writing. Take a look at the first sentence of the second paragraph. You should have divided your two clauses with a punctuation as to indicate a meshing together of two portions.
## Traditional Skills Being Lost

  
  
When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?  
  
Nowadays, technology has considerably evolved, as well as people's quality of life. Some assert that the old tradition are out of trend now and can be abandoned. In contrast, others claim that the convention still has its own value. My stance is more in line with the latter based on following reasons.  
  
First and foremost, the major rationale for saving the culture, is to secure the path of ancestors. Owing to the culture, people can identify their value and find their attribution. The human is always a group animal. It is important for us to find a group to rely on. If these ancient residents didn't use their old wisdom to build up the civilisation, modern people would not be alive. Therefore, modern people should not forget their own convention because it is the result of ancestors with blood, sweat and tear.  
  
Furthermore, most new inventions, in fact, adopt the wisdom of ancient skills. For instance, water bottles have been used over 2000 years, how can people consider them as a new technology or old one. Based on this example, technology is the result of ceaseless advance. Also, not only can technology make our life more convenient, it can also help restore the culture. Although materials including monuments and works of art might disappear one day because of the flow of time, spirits can last forever in computers.  
  
In a nutshell, although tradition inevitably tend to be branded as a negative term, I am convinced that both convention and new evolution are both essential and can create a win-win situation to our life.
@jocelyne001  
  
Hi,  
  
I think you haven't correctly answer the question in your introduction. The prompt asked whether you're agree or disagree with the pointlessness of protecting traditional skills and ways of life in the time of technological advancement. So you gotta directly address that in your intro. Also, there's no mentioning of 'Others claim that the convention still has its own value' in the prompt either.  
  
Sorry if I got anything wrong because I'm also a student.
## Write a letter of application to the tourism office

  
  
Dear Sir or Madam,  
I'm Cuong. I'm studying at Moscow University in tourism. I've seen an advertisement for a weekend job as a local tour guide showing visitors around the city and I was so excited at that time. Fortunately, I have spare time at the weekend now and I desire to challenge myself as a tour guide to improve my tourist skills. I'd rather guide English or Russian speaking visitors. I'm a talkative, attentive, hard-working and open-minded person, so I think I would suit this job. When I was a schoolboy, I've hosted many surfers in my beautiful and ancient city - Hue. I've been hanging out with a large number of foreigners, so I'm quite confident that I will do it well. I appreciate it if you can lay believe in me.  
  
I hope to cooperate with you, Cuong.
@Quoccuong  
Hi. Welcome here! We're happy you've chosen us to review your writing. You can always come back for more.  
  
I heavily recommend adding more dramatization into your writing through incorporating more descriptive lines. If you do this, you'll be able to utilize your space to have more signifiers throughout. This will also help the reader fathom the depth of your emotion a bit more.  
  
Furthermore, do work on the pattern of your writing. The structure is off-putting because of how dense all the information is. Try adding dyanism by having more punctuation throughout.  
  
When you have descriptions of yourself, try to solidify it by having real-life examples of how you have displayed it. Remember to sell yourself more as an individual.
## reasons for cycling/driving to work

  
  
The two pie charts compare the various factors which affected people to choose the two different ways, biking and driving, to commute to their workplace by percentage.  
  
On the whole, in order to keep fitness and decline air pollution, a large number of people decide to work by bicycle. In comparison with the reasons for cycling, most workers drive their own private vehicles because of comfort.  
  
In terms of workers who bike to work, both health and environment are crucial factors which account for 30 % respectively. The combination of numbers of parking spaces, less expenditure than vehicles, speed of bikes occurred in 40 %.  
  
In contrast, approximately 40 % of drivers believe it is more comfortable to drive to work, and the factor of distance also has 21 % of supporters. More than 2 % of people think it is faster to commute by cars than by bikes. Similarly, the figure of thinking the weight of belongings accounts for the same 14 %. Only 11% of workers drive owing to the care of safety of bicycles.  
  
*
@jocelyne001  
Welcome back here! I hope you're back to gather more learning ventures from this forum. Please do inform us about how beneficial this has been for you. I'll do my best now to provide you with a helpful feedback on your writing.  
  
While the first paragraph is alright, I suggest revising it to focus more on the entire structure of the text. It appears to be messy now because it's only huge block of text acting as an overall thesis statement. I recommend dividing it into portions and prioritizing what needs to be given attention to.  
  
The method you transitioned into the second paragraph is also quite odd because of the chunk of transition words. I recommend diversifying your writing portfolio in these sections.
## what for to love a job?

  
  
TOPIC: As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing.  
What factors contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?  
  
MY ESSAY:  
How enjoyable people feel when they are at work is one of the main measures for their welfare because adults spend a colossal amount of time on working. In my opinion, there are three factors compounding the feeling of satisfaction and the prospects of all workers being satisfied is not practical.  
  
It is undeniable that job satisfaction is greatly impacted by external not personal elements. Firstly, salaries earned by workers determine whether they iare happy with their jobs. For example, a high payment can act as a financial incentive which makes employees feel more content with their jobs. Secondly, the potential of promotion is also an important element involved. People would feel more satisfied when they know they can achieve a higher position as a result of hard work. Finally, workplace environment such as communication with colleagues and managers plays an crucial role in determining the degree of job satisfaction.  
  
Although many companies try their best to fulfill work expectations coming from their staff, it is hard to induce satisfaction in all workplaces. Because most firms place an emphasis on the performance of employees, many workers cannot receive a high salary due to their poor conducts. Another reason is that segregation still exists in a dozens of organizations, especially in terms of sex. In many countries, women receive a much lower chance of promotion compared to that of men.  
  
In conclusion, with all three features involved in job satisfaction, it is hard to see its prospect of ever being ubiquitous.