dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hello, everyone. I created this essay in my scoring for IELTS. I hope you would give some feedback for this, i'm glad about it, thanks in advance.  
  
The topic is "**Some people feel that the legal age at which people can marry should be at least 21. To what extent you agree or disagree?"**  
  
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## Marriage at young age

  
  
In this era, marriage issues need to be discussed which is shown by an argument that marriage should be occur at young age under 22 is legal. I, personally, disagree with this statement because youth might establish the household at age less than 21 years. This essay explains some reasons which are supporting the opposition of first argument.  
  
Despite the fact that people who are married at young age have unstable emotional. They might get trouble between themselves and their spouse. Thus, marriage in teenage years should be prepared and should not be allowed in age which is too young.  
  
Nonetheless, youth should get marriage at age under 21 because they tend to be more productive and energetic compared to older people. In household, they would cleared all of their challenges of life together with husband or wife. Then, this could relieve their stress because usually, young couple are more cheerful to against a problem. For instance, a wife gets a problem in her office then she could share it with her husband who might help to finished it.  
  
In addition, young people who marry in young age would reduce number of youth who conduct free-sex which is a danger for health of their reproduction organs. Free-sex are notorious in youth and peers as well as marry could make them realize about family and they would stop conducting free-sex.  
  
By way of conclusion, it is legal circumstance if people marriage at young age, it should not be at least 21 but it might be less than that, such as 17 or 18. government should enact a strict regulation to control it.
Putri, there are so many problems with the way that you wrote this essay that I cannot figure out where to begin in assessing and commenting on them. Let me just say right off the bat that this essay will not get a score higher than a 3 in an actual setting. That is because of the severe distortion of the message you are trying to deliver due to your lack of control over English grammar, thus causing a lack of accuracy in the way that you express yourself and deliver your line of thought.  
  
Your opening statement shows that you did not understand the method by which you were required to present and discuss the given topic. An example of the correct paraphrasing for the opening statement follows below:  
  
*A discussion has been ongoing regarding the proper legal age for marriage. The point of discussion has to do with the opinion that the legal age for marriage should be at least 21. In this essay, I will be discussing the extent of my disagreement with this public opinion.*  
  
If you will compare the opening paraphrase that I wrote and then compare it with the original prompt, you should see that you misunderstood the topic being presented and the discussion requirement. You were discussing the establishment of the age of marriage when the actual topic was "the legal age for marriage should be at least 21". A topic which is far different from what you presented in your discussion. Your discussion should have indicated, in the second paragraph that;  
  
*One of these reasons is that I disagree with the age of 21 being the legal age for marriage is...*  
  
It is important that you first increase your understanding of the English language by improving your comprehension skills first. If you cannot understand the instructions or the topic for discussion, then you will not be able to properly discuss it. So first, learn to understand English and then, practice writing simple essays first. Don't use the standard IELTS questions at the start. Just write essays that are free of formatting standards and scoring expectations so you can get used to writing int he language and develop your simple English grammar skills. Only when you have perfected this portion can you move on to the more advanced demands of the IELTS test essays.
*The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.  
Write at least 150 words.*  
  
## the road from study to work

  
  
The first bar chart illustrates the motivations for students in various age classes to study while the second one provides information about support offered by employers across different ages.  
  
In general, young students tended to learn for career whereas older students pursued studies for the sake of interest. In addition, employers preferred to support students who were under 26 years old.  
  
It is apparent that career is a critical driving factor for students under 40 years old to study. There were almost 80% and around 70% of students aged below 26 and 26 to 29 respectively admitted that career was the reason for them to have higher education qualification. Even though the figure of age group 30 to 39 was lower, the share of people in this group agreed with studying for career still exceeded the half of total portion of this group. In contrast, less than one third of respondents claimed that their own interest encouraged them to study further. The situation reversed at the group of 40 to 49 in which the number of interviewees claims they learnt for career and interest which were the same were 40%. In the group of over 49, more than two thirds of respondents stated that interest was their stimulus to study.  
  
As for support from employer, the age group of below 26 was most likely to receive support from their employers. Over 60% of students aged lower than 26 were supported by employers. However, students aged 30 to 39 had the lowest probability to receive help which was about one third of total. This figures increased slightly for students in their forties and above. (273 words)  
  
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Peter in terms of a summary overview, you could have had a better presentation if you had actually indicated the age groups that were to be presented. After all, the age groups are part of the comparison portion between student rate and employer support rate. That way, the outline of the discussion would have been better provided and the reader would have had a clearer idea as to what the discussion coverage was. In your last paragraph, you should have used a more affirmative tone rather than a supposing point of view in terms of the age of 30-39 having a "probability" factor because the graph was pretty specific about employers withholding financial support for studies of employees beyond that age range. In fact, I believe that you could have instead used the term "estimate" or "estimated" because there was still a degree of support for that age range indicated in the bar chart. The presentation should have positively indicated that *"Employers gave minimal support to employees between the ages of 30-39 at an average 40%. The lowest employer support percentage in the chart."*
Topic: **Some people believe that a gap year between school and university is a good idea, while others disagree strongly. Consider both sides of this debate and present your own opinion.**  
  
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Please give me comments and score for my essay.  
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## Gap year between school and university

  
  
Nowadays, having a gap year before attending college is popular tender of many youngsters but it also creates a large controversial in society. I will discuss some valid arguments and give my personal opinion in the following essay.  
  
On the one hand, some opponents assume that a year school off wastes not only youngsters' time but also money. We all aware that they have just graduated high school, so the money supporting for their journeys absolutely is from their parents or even bank's loan. In addition, instead of studying, the youngsters will be distracted by traveling. No one ensures all of them will spend their time for real experiences or just traveling with friends? Finally, in the turmoil world, nothing is insurance; we can't predict anything happens in their trips such as robbery, being kidnapped, violent relation or even being murdered and that is the poor start for their future.  
  
On the other hand, some supporters oppose the rarely bad circumstance like those, they presume that gap year is the great way for youngster gaining the new experiences after living with their parent nearly twenty years. In a year school off, they can study how to start their own lives without family, they have to learn how to live in the strange place with new people. Those experiences are the means which help them more mature. Moreover, youngsters also study and practice new skills like time management, financial control, and interpersonal communication skill; those are the greatly important keys for them to get a success in the future. One and the most fundamental reason for encouraging the youngsters take the gap year is many nowadays employers appreciate candidates who take the year off after graduating high school and with that experiences, youngsters can get the good jobs in future.  
  
Overall, I think the benefits of gap year overweight the disadvantages. In my opinion, youngsters should go out explore the world and gain new experiences with the obvious plan for their trip.
Nguye, I will give your work a score of 4 across all the 4 scoring considerations. Your paraphrasing is inaccurate in terms of properly representing the prompt requirements because of the improperly represented discussion outline. The outline should have been:  
  
*Some people believe that taking a gap year after high school to travel is a good idea. **Others who disagree with this belief believe that this is a bad idea for several reasons.** In this essay, I will be discussing the two opposing points of view with the addition of my personal opinion at the end.*  
  
Nguye: Correction to the opening statement is in bold. GRA score is 4.   
  
Note how I represented each point of view individually. This shows the examiner that you understand the subject of the prompt. Then I outlined what will be discussed, the two points of view and my personal opinion. This presentation proves that I am capable of understanding the instructions provided and that I will be discussing it in the expected manner.  
  
Your line of reasoning is good but needs to be better developed. It is always best to take the most impressive topic for the argument, just one topic, and then totally develop that discussion in 3-5 sentences. It helps to increase your GRA score when you are concentrated on only one topic instead of discussing so many topics in the paragraph that you barely are able to justify your reasons and properly develop your sentences. The fact that you tried to discuss more than one reason really weakened your presentation when it could have been strong enough to score at least a 5. There is a lack of complex sentences in your writing and the grammar problems abound. You obviously did not have time to proof read and edit your essay before submission. Always leave at least 5 minutes to do that before the end of the allotted time.  
  
When you are discussing two opposing points of view, making sure that you discuss the same topic as the one you previously presented makes your presentation even stronger. That is because the line of reasoning shifts to a debate mode which allows you to show the same school of thought using 2 different considerations, the good and the bad. So if you discuss how the parents take a bank loan to pay for the trip for their child, and that is considered a positive, how does that translate into a negative? That is the new opposing paragraph that you should have written.  
  
As for your personal opinion, you cannot make that part of the conclusion. For the personal opinion, you could have reflected on whether you would have taken a gap year abroad and what your reasons would be. That would justify your support or non-support of one of the given discussion sides. The the proper concluding summary of the discussion and a reiteration of your opinion was all that was required for the closing paragraph.
**Many people believe that women make better parents than men and that this is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as women at parenting. Write an essay expressing your point of view. Give reasons for your answer.**  
  
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## taking care of children

  
  
Some people believe that women make better parents than men. They say that this is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. On the other hand, some people consider that men are just as good as women at parenting. For my part, I don't agree on the second idea. I absolutely agree with the first idea. There are a few reasons why people prefer this. However, two most significant reasons are genetically mother has better quality and women usually spend more time in taking care of their children.  
  
One significant reason why people prefer women in taking care of their children is that genetically mother has better quality in taking care of their children. İn other words, the mother has many skills in the care of their children. For instance, mother more tolerant than the father in the care of their children because women have an emotion of motherliness. In addition, mothers can transfer their experience to their daughters to become perfect mothers in the future. As a result, if they want to children in taking care, they should choose women  
  
Apart from mother have better quality in taking care of their children, women usually spend more time with their children than men because, in many countries, they are usually less engaged in working. Therefore, they can recognize their children better. In addition, mothers can solve their children's problems because the mother must spend more time with their children and gets to know them better. As a result, it is the right choice for women to raise children.  
  
In conclusion, women can better than men in taking care of children. In other words, if people want to better children in taking of care, they should choose women. As a result, from what has been said, it is the right choice for women to raise children.  
  
WORD COUNT:306
Atakan, this is not a comparison and point of view essay. This is a straightforward personal opinion essay. So the way you wrote the essay doesn't really address the prompt instructions for the discussion. A paraphrasing adjustment is in order in this case that should reflect the major instruction of the paper. The adjustment to your essay should sound like this:  
  
*Some people believe that women are better at raising children than men. Others believe that men can be just as effective in raising children. In this essay, I will be discussing my point of view regarding this issue.  
  
In my opinion, women are better at raising and taking care of children because...*  
  
The only problem that I see with your paper is in the opening statement / paraphrasing. The reasons that you discuss within your body paragraphs are sound and valid. These are reasons that most people consider and are popularly accepted as common knowledge. If you could have used a personal experience to further validate your point of view, the discussion would have been scored even higher. In fact, the addition of a negative opinion, using an example, of how a father is not as well equipped in raising children would have further shown an in-depth consideration of the discussion and increased your score even further.  
  
Regardless of the slight mistakes in punctuation and grammar, you have a well developed discussion and could easily score high marks because of your language proficiency, regardless of the minimal GRA problems. The only scoring down would have been in the opening statement and conclusion portion of the discussion. Your conclusion continued the discussion instead of summarizing the information and delivering a closing statement based on the aforementioned information in your essay. A simple opening line that indicates the conclusion could have been *"In conclusion", "Finally", "To close my opinion statement I would like to reiterate that.."* among others.
**Surveys conducted in 1982 and 2002 show different pictures of what motivate students to choose a college or university in the U.K.  
Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
## decisive factors for schools choice

  
  
The pie charts shed light on six factors that encouraged British students to choose a college or university in 1985 and 2002. Overall, in 2002, they placed a much higher premium on amenities, social activities and facilities and reputation of the institution. Costs, however, came to be of little importance. As to the rest, there was only minimal change over the 17 year period.  
  
The share of respondents who took into account reputation of the institution was 25% in 2002, five times higher than that in 1982. The factor of amenities, social activities and facilities followed a similar pattern, with 18% of respondents valuing it in 2002, up 13% from 1982. In terms of costs, only a small fraction (5%) of respondents weighed the factor before making their choices, while the proportion was 28% in 1982.  
  
The factor of suitable courses and degrees remained most influential in 2002, though the share of respondents took it into consideration diminished by 6% as compared with 40% in 1982. Closeness to parental home was an attractive advantage to 16% of respondents, a moderate decline of 3% from 1982. Admission criteria mattered least in both years, as the factor was considered by just 3% of respondents in 1982 and 2% in 2002.  
  
**I would be more appreciate it if you score my essay.**  
  
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Gang, I believe that this essay can score a 5 in an actual setting. The basis for the scoring is based upon the manner by which you present the information. You use terms such as "five times higher" without giving the actual value in percentage of the increase based upon the pie charts information. Be cognizant of the fact that when you are presented with two images, you are to summarize the essay in a compare and contrast format. That is because you need to make accurate representations of the images. Do not use parenthesis to indicate values because the values are the actual purpose of the summary analysis. By placing it in a parenthesis, you remove the importance of the value and thus, weaken the sentence topic development for that paragraph. Your body paragraphs are good and it shows that you have done your best to represent the figures for discussion in the best manner possible. However, I do not see any summary overview analysis in the essay. That could be placed at the beginning or at the end of the essay. It is really of a personal choice but it must be represented in this essay. A sample summary overview of the essay (at the beginning) could have been written as:  
  
*A study was conducted comparing the factors that influence student choices. The years chosen for the comparative analysis were 1982 and 2002. The following essay will summarize the important information and make comparisons where necessary.*  
  
I always opt to place the summary analysis as the opening paragraph of the essay because it creates a topic discussion outline that also helps the test-taker keep track of the information necessary for an accurate summary discussion of the images provided. Of course, this could have also been placed at the end as:  
  
*The comparative study showed a number of similarities even though there were decades between the student who were assessed. It can be concluded that very little to no changes take place when it comes to the motivating factors that influence a student's decision to choose a school. Therefore, the trend of student choices does not change over time.*
@LadyOfClockwork  
  
You utilizes a variety of words which interprets the overall survey very well. Like "shed light on" and "weighed the factor."  
Also, all factors regarding the motivation were included in the article.  
For better understanding to the readers, I made some correction as following.  
1. Article structure:  
You could put your overview or insight on the second paragraph that readers can easily understand the main differences between two charts.  
2. 198"5" in the first graph should corrected to 1982  
3. As "for" the rest: if you are going to emphasize the opposite factors, you should use "for " instead of "to" which emphasizes the next action or move.  
  
4. In the middle section, "up" 13% from 1982. It would be better to use "rose" which is the past tense of rise meaning it how much it has risen.  
  
As for the score, I'd like to evaluate in 4 sections, a.) Task achievement b.)Coherence and cohesion c.) Lexical resource d.) Grammatical range and vocabulary  
  
a.) There is an overview though accurate information should be placed. -> 6  
b.) Due to limited paragraphing and some errors of linking words, it will be 5.  
c.) Adequately utilizes a variety of words that express the ideas clearly. -> 6  
d.) Complex sentences are used frequently but with some errors. -> 6  
  
So, it would be 6 based on my evaluation.
**"Some people believe that it is possible for a country to be economically progressive while having a clean environment at the same time. Some people disagree with this." Discuss both views and give your own opinion.**  
  
## Prosperous countries without pollutions

  
  
Many countries around the globe have sacrificed their environment for economic progress. Nevertheless, some people believe that it is possible to become a developed country without harming the nature, others disagree with that. In this essay I will discuss both views as well as give my own opinion of why I think it is possible to progress without polluting and destroying the environment.  
  
First of all, there are hundreds of examples of countries that have become developed without exploitation of natural resources. For example, Singapore is considered a financial capital of Asia even though this country does not have any oil, gas, metals or other resources. It has been able to achieve such significant success by trading and banking.  
  
However, as a counter argument, opponents can provide the United States and China as examples of countries that exchanged their clean environment for wealth and progress. For instance, despite its' economic growth China is suffering from the consequences of industrialization. There is a constant smog in many Chinese cities that exacerbates people's health. Chinese economic boom could not have happened without the usage of coal and other pollutants.  
  
To conclude, there are some examples of countries that successfully developed without polluting the environment. Currently, even countries such and China and the U.S. which are top pollutants are switching to clean energy solutions. It is a responsibility of every country to develop without harming the nature. It is something that can and should be done.