dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## the indigenous languages in nepal

  
  
According to the 2011 census, Nepal has 126 castes and ethnic groups speaking as many as 123 languages. Of them, 80 languages are spoken by various indigenous communities. However, 36 indigenous languages are endangered because of their extremely small population. In this age of globalization, there is a mere possibility for indigenous languages, especially those with fewer speakers, to survive. No community wants to see a death of its culture and history, I as a linguist, cannot accept the death of a language.  
  
The speakers of minority languages are usually obliged to live impoverished lifestyle due to financial hardships, and they are disparaged in the Nepali society because the tongue they choose symbolizes low castes. In fact, the perspective of people towards minority language has highly incited to its endangerment. For instance, Gyani Maiya Sen could not pass on her linguistic ability of Kusunda language (a language spoken by the nomadic tribes or ban rajas of western forest in Nepal) to her son and daughter because they did not want to be identified as Kusundas in the society.  
  
English is the lingua franca of the world, and will remain so for the foreseeable future, but native languages of all other countries should not have to pay for it. With the use of English, the international link language, and Nepali, the national link language, Nepalese can involve in every socio-economic and educational transactions that happens in the country. . This situation doesnot encourage the preservation of local languages and knowledge Consequently, people do not find valuable reason to practice the language belonging to their clan. I am, in no way, implying that English is a threat to multilingualism. But fluency in English should not come at the hefty cost of deterioration of indigenous languages.  
  
Prof.Madav Prasad Pokhrel, who spent decades for researching the vanishing Kusunda language, claims , "Documentation alone would not be enough for the protection and promotion of a language, the whole community should be uplifted to preserve and protect it". The educational system in Nepal does not provide training in indigenous languages, so the language can only be passed if it is practiced in the community or if it is spoken at home.  
  
Language is a democratic means.The government should come up with better Language Planning and Policy which engages the whole community.For instance,schools in the terai region of Nepal,those which contain majority of tharu people,should provide opportunity to the students to practice their tongue through multilingual education..........  
  
.......(Conclusion) I am struggling to conclude my essay.Any help would be highly appreciated
@heyhehe  
Welcome to the forum! Wishing you the best of luck in your writing endeavors. I hope this feedback sheds light on your writing!  
  
The first paragraph is stunning to read. I find that the manner in which you had composed the writing had flown and crept into the writing perfectly. The straightforward and yet clear approach works truthfully well here.  
  
I can observe a few minor lapses and/or issues in the second paragraph. Because of the lack of pauses, the structure appears to be a cluster of run-on sentences rather than a properly organized written work. I would suggest to shorten the sentences' length alongside taking your thoughts piece-by-piece rather than as a chunk. Minimizing these blocks of sentences go a long way.  
  
Try to always ensure that you have appropriate punctuation, capitalization, and spacing throughout. Notably, it seems as though the further you have gone into the text (ie. the last half of your essay), the more that your formalities go astray. It surely wouldn't hurt to enhance your writing by being more straightforward with your content as much as possible. This will help you nurture your work a lot more.  
  
You mentioned that you've struggled with composing the concluding paragraph. I think that the last paragraph you have already has potential. Try to talk more about the long-term goals that you are reaching into; and then, you may delve into a more specific approach and cap your writing with this.
@Maria  
Thank you maria for the response.  
Can you be specific about what you have said ?  
'Because of the lack of pauses, the structure appears to be a cluster of run-on sentences'  
Can you improve those sentences ?  
'appropriate punctuation, capitalization, and spacing throughout ' can you specify ?  
That would be helpful.  
Also, does my essay evoke a sense of leadership ?  
Should I use the ' I ' pronoun frequently ?
@yui meow  
Here to provide feedback for this essay. Let's take a look at what you have as of the moment.  
  
To answer first your introductory question, it would be both a yes and a no. While *big* words are inessential and do not add an explicit value, they showcase a bold attitude towards writing. The reception of this boldness would depend upon your intent of writing. If you want to seemingly appear more professional, big words can be beneficial. I would only be cautious of overdoing it, causing the writing to perhaps be construed in the process.  
  
Generally, your writing needs a bit more work when it comes to compartmentalizing information. If you take a look at your first paragraph, you need to add more pauses and periods. This would be in opposition to using commas as transitions. While commas are alright, they sometimes disrupt your writing, making your essay appear as though you are unaware of run-on sentences. Be cautious of this.  
  
The succeeding paragraphs did get better still. You had a few mistakes regarding simplification of messages, but the general look of your writing is well-done. I suggest only making the length of your sentences more concise to fit the content a bit better.
## Ielts Task 2 - space exploration

  
  
*Some people think that space exploration is a waste of resources while others think that it is essential for mankind to continue to explore the universe in which we live.  
  
Discuss both sides and give your opinion.*  
  
Nowadays, owing to the evolution of technology, exploring outer space has become a major scientific development. However, debates have yielded a spectrum of views. Some claim that conducting this kind of space adventure might waste lots of money and energy whereas others believe that the advantage is more and relevant. I am going to discuss both views below and give my opinion in the end.  
  
First and foremost, the major rationale for those who disagree with the exploration of space is that this activity can cost a lot and restrain academic resources of other domains. For example, if a space trip needs to be triggered, a large amount of funding would be asked from the government which deliberately would use the tax from the public. Nevertheless, for some citizens, they consider the money be applied to deal with more serious social problems such as starvation and unemployment in the country. Furthermore, not only would people think that focusing on space adventure might waste their money, but also they would be concerned about the probable restriction of other technological areas. Instead of spending money on the unrealistic imagination of outer space, scientific research contributing to which can bring more immediate benefits to the public, such as tackling the issue of illness and environment, seems to be more urgent and practical.  
  
On the other hand, from other people's perspective, travelling in the outer space and discover various clusters of planets are vital steps in the human world. More specifically, they see human's capability of venturing the space as an honour, exclusive from other animals. Also, they reckon that space exploration is quite pivotal and is one of the routines for escaping from deteriorating lands. Since the earth has become more and more inappropriate for humans to live, some researchers start to find if there's any possibility inhabiting in other planets.  
  
To conclude, I believe institutions should find a balance between space trip and other research domains because it seems that this activity is effective but not the priority to human's life.
@jocelyne001  
Welcome back. Hope that any prior feedback that you've received has been beneficial for you. Let me provide you with input on this new essay to help you improve your writing.  
  
Firstly, ensure that you are compliant of the fundamental requirements that are necessary when writing. This includes, for instance, keeping up with appropriate punctuation marks to have better grasp of the language. If you are able to do this, you should have a more structured and put-together written work. For example, take a glance at your first paragraph's second sentence. The word *whereas* often needs a comma prior to its insertion to create a pause in between. Doing small leaps such as this would go a long way.  
  
I find that while the a great chunk of your essay (ie. the body paragraphs) was sufficient, you needed to have a better approach towards writing the concluding remarks. The concluding remarks lacks a majority of its rationale to expound on your final idea. Try to cut out portions of the second paragraph to balance and dedicate the space for here to ensure that you have a more synchronized writing.
Topic: *Imagine that you could have made one change in your college experience. Explain what change you would have made and what difference it would have made.*  
  
## changing my attitude toward chemistry

  
  
As we all know changing the past is not a thing! Still, if I had to imagine one change in my college experience that would be my attitude towards Chemistry. Being a better learner of the this subject would have improved my score and taken me to different heights. My one simple change would have made my college experience more wonderful and fruitful.  
  
Though my performance in other subjects like math, physics and computer science were quite good! Chemistry was a different story. This subject for some reason was hard for me. To be specific, I was good in Chemistry lab but theory is what suffered. I would study all night. I would take so much pressure that my memory diminished most of the things that I read. As a result, my outcome during examination time was medium. The stress of thinking I may not do well in Chemistry, affected my overall results.  
  
After all these years I do realize there were things I could have done better. I could have definitely asked my parents to get me help for chemistry theory. Maybe it would have guided me to better path. Hopefully I would have developed more interest in acquiring the knowledge without worrying about the results. That would have probably lead to a positive outcome. That means better aggregate results and most likely steered me to different path.  
  
Nonetheless, positive outlook of this issue is me getting a chance to recognize such issues in my students. I am able to guide them , suggest which subject they need to get more help in. So, they don't have to look back like me and think 'wish I had got help on this subject'. My students will always do better because of my optimistic approach.  
  
So, if I were to change one thing about my experience during my college times . I would had got help in Chemistry. It would change my attitude towards the subject and guided me towards development.
## the young mind is more absorbent

  
  
**\*\* Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school.  
  
Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? \*\***  
  
Learning new things are always helpful for anyone as well as kids. To know many languages are always beneficial for their growing mind. If children will learn foreign language an early language(s) in an early age than then definitely they can do well in their middle school. There are lots of advantages for children to learn foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school, those are related to their academic, career as well as social skills.  
  
Firstly, the most important benefit to learn additional language is academic wise, like if they can learn new things in their early age their mind will be strong. They can learn and remember things fast. Kids in elementary schools always have less burden of study then middle schoolers. So, if they learn new skills early in their schooling age then certainly they could learn and focus on other language later. Learning language early helps to develop their mind as well. Scientifically, it's proven that kids below eight years could learn things very fast.  
  
Moreover, the other important factor for learning foreign language in primary than secondary is related to career. The more you know the languages helps you in your career. Foreign language always give boost in one's career. If you have a knowledge of some foreign language you can write in your resume. So for that reason students should start learning foreign language as early in their school so they can continue to learn more language afterwards.  
  
Additionally, language learning helps to improve children's social skills too. They learn about foreign culture and they know more about them too. It helps them to interact easily with them. Social skills are needed for kids to improve in early age. Otherwise later it would be little tough to develop these skills.  
  
For the same reasons, some experts strongly believe that children should learn foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. For that reason, learning foreign language is compulsory in some elementary schools these days, Initially it was only for secondary.
General Writing Task 2:  
  
*Many scientists believe that now we can study the behaviour of a three-year-old child to see whether they will grow up to be criminals.  
To what extent do you think the human nature produces crimes?  
How can we prevent children from growing up to be criminals?*  
  
## Future Criminals Can Be Identified Very Early

  
  
With the ever-increasing experiments about nature versus nurture, whether or not human is born to be a criminal has become a wildly debated topic. While many people believe that nurturing take a vital role in developing the personality and mindset of children, others maintain that the nature of human being is evil. This essay will discuss about the significance of nurturing which shapes human behaviours and the recommended measures to avoid young children becoming criminals when they are grown up.  
  
There is no denying that our living circumstances and schooling are critical in establishing our future. Many studies and researches show that the higher the person is educated, the higher the mobility ones received. In other words, people who receive higher education, there will be more ideal opportunities as well as better improved living condition. Additionally, sociologists also note that it is more likely for those with lower social status and class engaged in crimes such as robbery and shop lifting so as to survive and improve their living environments. Therefore, the standard of living and education are definitely considered as the key factors in altering the behaviours of people.  
  
In order to prevent the unfortunate situations happening among young children, imposing free education policy and parenting should be taken into thorough consideration. Firstly, in majority of the developed and civilized countries such as the United States and Britain, they offer free and mandatory public education to children in which the crime rate in these countries are significantly lower than other developing countries, for example, India and Indonesia. Furthermore, parents should provide guidance their children because parents are the one who spend majority of the time with them. Hence, teaching children about the detrimental impacts of crimes and watching out for their off-springs are undoubtedly their responsibilities.  
  
In conclusion, this essay has evaluated why nurturing is responsible of creating criminals instead of human nature and suggested the possible solutions in preventing such devastating consequences. From my own perspective, I totally agree that nurture takes a more important role in shaping human personality and behaviours because human being thrives to be an achiever instead of a loser. Although it may seem to be challenging for some underdeveloped countries to make changes, it is the whole world's mission to improve the quality of living as we are all global citizens. If the situation is being recognized globally, I am confident that the everyone on earth will enjoy such loving place.  
  
------------------------------  
  
What will be the estimated score for this essay and any suggestions?
Hello  
  
I think it's a fairly well-organised essay. Your statement is quite clear and easy to drag out with good use of conjunctions. Also, you are able to utilize a wide range of difficult vocabulary, as well as a variety of sentences. I only have a few suggestions for you.  
  
Firstly, it is apparent that the question asks about the influence of nature on crimes, but you did not say anything relevant to it. Instead of straightforwardly explaining the impact from the environment, maybe it is better to describe a little about the extent that children commit a crime decided by genes or at least say that you do not agree with this statement at the beginning of the second paragraph.  
  
Secondly, in the last paragraph, from Although it may seem to be challenging for some underdeveloped countries... to such a loving place. seems a little out of topic for me in this essay. I think this information is not necessary to be provided, concluding directly about the solution of preventing children from being criminals after growing up is better.  
  
Hope my suggestions are helpful for you.
## Writing task2 - Scientific research

  
  
Scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the governments rather than private companies. Do you agree or disagree?  
  
In these days, people contemplate that scientific studies should be conducted by goverments instead of private companies. In my opinion, I just partly concur on this view point because of various reasons.  
  
To begin with, there are some merits of government which takes care of scientific studies. Firstly, as goverments of different countries can co-operate with each other. To be more specific, they may be able to conduct studies on a larger scale or investment. For instance, they can carry out research into ways of dealing with global warming. Secondly, unlike private companies, governments tend to pay more attention to research areas that can bring more beneficial to society. Obiviously, the major concern for government are enviromental issues and crime rate. Thus, they have spent more money on the studies involved.  
  
However, I believe that private companies also play a vital role in scientific studies. The first reason is that private companies could help to reduce the pressure on government's budget. This leads to that citizens would have to pay lower taxes and the authorities have more cash to spend on other crucial areas such as education, military and medical. Another reason is that the top priority of companies is to earn more money, they would have more motivation to conduct research more quickly and more effficiently.  
  
In conclusion, for all the reasons I mentioned in this essay, I hold belief that studies need to conduct not only by goverment but also by companies.
Your essay is well structured. It seems to, however, lack coherence and deviates from the original viewpoint you agree with and by the end of it, seem to disagree with. It has some grammatical flaws and could benefit from a careful evaluation of your stance in the conclusion. You should proofread your essay thoroughly and ask someone who's well qualified in English, let's say an English teacher, to go through your essay so they can point out your grammatical errors after you make the following changes.  
  
*In these days, people contemplate that ... In my opinion, I just ...*  
  
You don't need to restate the question in your words. Just begin by stating your opinion and phrasing it in the context of the question. Better yet, if you have space, give some subtext to the beginning of your answer. E.g. The number of academic/scientific researches which are conducted in any year. Which publications are they printed in? Include the source of your statistics as well. After this context, you can begin normally by saying, 'I believe that scientific researches should be conducted by governments instead of private entities as they're less likely to influence results in favour of profit-maximisation and have larger pockets to finance adequate research as well.'  
  
After this introduction, you can begin with your paragraphs with one point per paragraph. The introduction also acts as a framing device for your answer, ensuring you don't deviate.  
  
In the end, carefully state and evaluate your stance. So, should research be conducted by governments or companies? If you think companies should be involved, what sort of regulation may be required to ensure ethical violations do not occur and the data is not manipulated, e.g. in the case of marketing companies? Lastly, how would suitable competition be inculcated in the sphere? So how would you promote research companies like think tanks and market-research companies?  
  
I hope this answer was helpful. Do reply if you have any other doubts.
@plway2006  
Hey, dear! Welcome to the forum. I hope this feedback serves you well. If it does, don't hesitate to approach us for more inquiry on your writing.  
  
First and foremost, it would be better if you could provide us with background information on you personally and the purpose of the paper. This will certainly help us assess the writing in a rationale light, considering that we would be able to tell what the genuine purpose of the written work is.  
  
Proceeding to the entirety of the text, I think that the general format of your writing is already put-together. You had a decent grasp of the language, making it easier to decipher a good chunk of the text that you have. I would only suggest that you try to apply more dynamism to the structure of your essay. Consider your first paragraph. While the general outlook was great, it would be better if you could have added more of a natural tone in writing. Mix your lengths. Add more descriptors throughout.  
  
Always ensure that you have appropriate pauses and divisions between your sentences. If you take a look at your second paragraph, you had quite a lengthy chunk of sentence tossed into it. I would opt that you deal with a smaller pacing to ensure that you do not go behind in the overall professional tone of the writing.  
  
Also, be cautious of the way in which you transition between your sentences. Remember that it is critical that you have a more enhanced outlook in your writing by having a more logical approach to writing. (Observe, for instance, your last concluding paragraph.)