dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The line graph below show the household recycling rates in three different countries between 2005 and 2015.  
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.  
  
The line graph illustrates the percentage of domestic recycling in three different nations namely UK, France and Germany from 2005 to 2015.  
Overall, it is evident that the proportion of recycling the waste from home in the UK and Germany increased steadily over this period whilst there is a decline in the number of household recycling in France.  
  
In 2005, there was a difference of about 50% of waste recycling in France, compared to just 20% in Germany, making it the highest figure among all group. The UK accounted for a considerable amount of household recycling with about 35% in the same period. While the number of deposal recycled in each home in the UK and Germany continued to rise during this term, the ratio of that in France decrease significantly and then fluctuated slightly.  
  
Having reached the peak of over 60% in 2015, the number of domestic waste that every home in the UK recycle was the highest figure among three different nations. Despite some fluctuations over the term, the proportion of France and Germany witnessed an increase to 40% and 59% respectively.  
  
*
Your writing essay is fairly clear but there are also some small mistakes :  
- ...recycling waste from home... (pharagraph 2 line 1)  
- ...there was a decline... (pharagraph 2 line 2)  
- ...among all groups (pharagraph 3 line 2)  
- ...of that in France decreased significantly... (pharagraph 3 line 4)  
- ... that every home in the UK recycled... (pharagraph 4 line 1)  
  
Pay more attention to the tenses.
Deposal has nothing to do with recycling. The word describes the move of removing a person from a position of authority such as a king or government official. The wrong usage of this word in the essay will affect your LR score. You are scored on the accuracy of your word usage in that section. You need to be sure of the meaning of the word before you use it. One mistake will result in a point deduction for you in that scoring consideration. In the summary overview, you just forgot to mention that the measurement unit was in percentages. Additionally, you did not do a comparison paragraph for the parts of the line graph where the red line intersects with the other 2 color guides. That would have been the comparison part of the essay that would have fully kicked up your scoring consideration.
## Demand for online schooling

  
  
Today, while Coronavirus is declared a Global Health Emergency, school closures are naturally unavoidable. This educational issue has led to soaring demand for interactive apps in electronic devices to learn online. In my point of view, it is undeniable that this trend will create several benefits but there will be some drawbacks as well.  
  
On the one hand, the greatest advantage is able to enhance the ability of self-study. It is of significant, which is a useful learning method which plays a major role in expanding knowledge. For instance, a large number of students will be strongly motivated to study due to encouraging their curiosity. In addition, what makes this crucial is the student's comfort. They would not feel fully strained because of sitting in front of their teacher, they can learn in their favorite place with a bright and pleasant feelings. Therefore, it is still possible for learners to keep their learning pace without attending school.  
  
On the other hand, a negative aspect of this is the lack of discipline. It seems that some students need to be strictly supervised, thus this way would not be useful for them. They may play games, read books or eat, so on while learning so the quality of that might be reduced. Another minus point for this is about the teachers. It seems that they may isolate some quiet students in the class, only by studying with a phone can those teachers get in touch with all the learners. I think that it is quite difficult and nearly impossible for them.  
  
In conclusion, every coin has its two sides so does learning online. Despite a few drawbacks that still exists, I strongly believe that it is still more beneficial than harmful.
I am not sure if this was written as a Task 2 essay or as a simple English writing exercise. Do me a favor next time and let me know what the discussion instructions are? That way I will know how to approach the review of your completed work. For now, I'll do what i can for you.  
  
Familiarize yourself with UK English eccentricities. They love to use the letter U in their word spelling such as in the word favorite (favourite). You need to know the different ways of spelling UK and American English because it can help increase your LR score. While allowances will be given for American spelling, showing a familiarity with the UK difference can work in your favor. When writing an academic paper, always use formal references. Hence "get in touch with" should be "contact" instead. Remember that an Oxford comma must be used when writing a series of related words. You forgot to use a comma a few times in the presentation.  
  
Overall, the discussion is acceptable. That is, considering that I do not really know what the discussion topic is and how you were instructed to discuss it. This is an acceptable essay that shows you are informed of the current events and how students are having to react to it.
Hello Diem, in my view, you have done a good job, except for several sentences to be polished.  
  
1. "*it is undeniable ...*." could be replaced by "it's undeniable that several benefits will be created by this trend, as well as some drawbacks."  
  
2. "*the greatest ...*", in this sentence, the subject of "enhance ..." should be students, not advantage. So you may change it to "the greatest advantage for students is they will be able to enhance their ability of self-study."  
  
3. "*It is of significant, ...*" has two which in one sentence, and "of significant" is wrong. You could replace it by "As a useful learning method which plays a major role in expanding knowledge, it's of paramount significance."  
  
4. "*They would (...) pleasant feelings.*", the two sentences are started by "they", so you may change it to "Without sitting in front of their teacher and feeling fully strained, they could learn in their favorite place with a bright and pleasant feeling."  
  
5. "*Despite a few ...*" would be better by writing like this, "Despite a few flaws that still exists, I'm firmly convinced that learning online holds a bright future for us."  
  
Next time you could use more junctions, like "as far as I concerned", "moreover", "when it comes to" and so on, they would make your article better.  
  
I hope my advice could help you. :)
## Teaching and punishing children

  
  
Problem:  
It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?  
  
What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?  
  
Answer:  
  
It is clear that one of the important parts of education for children is teaching them how to tell what is right or wrong. Regarding to this, there are some experts that say that punishment is needed for children to learn the difference between right and wrong, while others say punishment has nothing to do with teaching children what is right or wrong. I believe each opinion has its own acceptable reasons.  
  
On the one hand, with punishment, parents are able to teach their children detrimental circumstance of wrong behavior in the future. It is true that by punishing children, parents are able to teach their children the fact that people in society have to accept their penalties when they make detrimental behavior in society. For example, when a child steals his or her friend's toy, the parents should punish them explaining the circumstance of the behavior when they make the same mistake. By doing so, children can have a moral sense and learn how to tell the difference between right and bad. Therefore, punishment plays an important role in teaching children ethic and moralism.  
  
On the other hand, punishment such as physical punishment can have a detrimental influence on children. The first thing people think of when they hear the word 'punishment' is physical punishment. The reason physical punishment should be forbidden is because children can learn the mindset that people tend to solve problems physically when they cannot deal with the problems with other ways. However, as violence cannot be justified with any other reasons, the punishment should be prohibited.  
  
If parents need to punish their children, it is advisable to punish them without any physical pain to their children such as standing on the spot thinking their bad behavior for a few minutes.  
  
To sum up, although punishment is such a helpful way to teaching children how to tell the difference between right and bad things, certain punishment such as corporal punishment can cause detrimental issue to children. For these reasons, parents should be very careful when it comes to punishment for their children.
This essay will get a TA failing score because you did not discuss the prompt requirements are indicated in the original discussion presentation. Compare the questions from the original with your response:  
  
*OP: o what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?*  
  
You totally changed the discussion topic and outline instructions by responding with:  
  
*YR: there are some experts that say that punishment is needed for children to learn the difference between right and wrong, while others say punishment has nothing to do with teaching children what is right or wrong. I believe each opinion has its own acceptable reasons.*  
  
Both your discussion topic and response is incorrect. Therefore, the essay will be seen by the examiner to be totally unrelated to the provided task. It will get one of the lowest scores possible in the TA section and, when added to the other GRA, LR and C&C issues of your writing, you will not achieve a close to passing score for your presentation.  
  
The essay is a measured emotional response essay that requires you to defend only one side of the discussion based on a suggested alternative punishment for children. A total of 4 paragraphs are required for this type of essay with the reasoning paragraphs representing:  
  
- The explanation of your measured response  
- The relationship of your measured response to the alternative punishment for children
## "family time" is now decreasing

  
  
*Topic: In modern time, young adults are spending less time with their family and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home?*  
  
Nowadays, young people prefer hanging out with their peers rather than sharing time with their family. This is due to the widening generation gap. However, compelling children to stay at home more is a counterproductive approach to tackle this issue as it does not foster the relationship between parents and children.  
  
The differences between parents and children are increasing to the point that they feel it difficult to enjoy the time together. The world we are living in has been changing so rapidly that the experiences youngsters have today are totally different from that of the previous generation. This leads to the contradiction in viewpoints and lifestyle of people living under the same roof; and they end up being unable to do common activities. For instance, the majority of teenagers now enjoy online entertainments and services which their mothers and fathers are not familiar with. As a result, a young adult cannot play an online game with their parents or tell them about an event on Facebook in the way that they do with their friends.  
  
Although time spent among family members by youngsters is decreasing, forcing them to stay at home more is not an appropriate solution to strengthen family bond. If adolescents have to be home against their will, they will feel upset during the time spent with other family members. An example proving this is an article in the Huffington Post stating that it is the quality, not the quantity of shared time that help build healthy relationships.  
  
In conclusion, due to many differences between the young and their parents, family time of youngsters is now decreasing while time spent with their mates is on the increase. However, parents should not force their children to stay at home more as it will negatively affect their relationship.
From the introduction, I think you've made a slight mistake by changing the task prompt to some extent. Young children "*spend less time* " doesn't necessarily mean that they " ***prefer** hanging out with their peers rather than sharing time with their family*". Therefore, the following arguments of yours seem to be " off the road " a little bit .These arguments have misled readers and made the prompt a much more serious problem based on " **preference**" . And I believe this is not true at all. This is just my opinion though.  
  
As for me, I would develop my arguments based on the hectic lifestyle, the enormous amount of work or the complicated network of internet in modern days. I can see that point in yours here. However, personally I wouldn't let it go too far as you.  
  
Furthermore, when you provide an example like in your paragraph 2, especially when it is not so well-known (like an article), you should give more details of it. Or else, it even makes your essay more difficult to understand. And if you don't have enough time to do that, don't provide the example but developing other aspects of ideas and arguments.
You have some pretty valid discussion points in this essay. The problem is, that is all they are, discussion points. There was no real development of the explanation because there were several other topics involved in the paragraph before you presented your unsupported example later on. The second paragraph is a perfect example of an under developed and non-cohesive discussion presentation. You should have opened with "the majority of teenagers now..." because that is a highly perfect sentence for the paragraph and would have automatically included a reason and an example in your discussion.  
  
Since these essays rely on your personal knowledge, observation, and opinion, the presentation of the reason from the Huffington Post should not have been made. You will be writing in the booklet, with only 40 minutes to complete this task. You will not have internet research access. Practice as required, use personal opinion and experience whenever possible. Basing your reason more on your personal relationship with your parents would have been more applicable.  
  
By the way, in the paraphrase section, a simple yes or no answer would have been sufficient. That is because a question was being posed in the original and a response to it was required. However, the reason for your response, should have been threshed out in the second to the last paragraph instead, where the explanation of your personal opinion was required.
*## Many museums charge for admission while others are free.

  
**Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the  
disadvantages?***  
**My essay:**  
There is a fact that lots of museums charge a fee whilst others do not. This essay shows the author's point of view that the drawbacks of charging prevail over its benefits.  
  
Truly, a museum is one of the main social infrastructures for the community since it is a unique place that attracts both locals and international tourists alike to go on weekends for vacation, leisure, travel, and study purposes. Therefore, the government needs to be responsible for funding its activities. In addition, the current average price for the entrance fee that is about 30 USD is so high that children or families which do not earn much simply can not afford such amount.  
  
The opposing view that like all other building, they need money to maintain their performance and to prevent someone from entering with ill intentions, so, charging visitors is necessary as it is clearly a direct and fastest way to do this. I disagree with that view because museums can be operated based on supply from the national budget or can use the revenue generated from rental stores inside it to reduce ticket prices and security issues can be solved by high technology measures. For example, Independence Palace, a landmark building in Saigon today serving as a museum, houses many service stall inside such as cafeteria, fast food, souvenir shop, monographs, and so on, besides, the building management board also install cameras everywhere from the interior to exterior in order to monitor and prevent valuable property theft activities. Above all, museums should be open to everyone.  
  
(259 words)
@phong3baotap  
Remember a simple thing like this.  
The examiner will always consider your 1st sentence of the topic as topic sentence. Therefore, it should always be clear. And take your 1st body paragraph as an example, you've failed in this category. Firstly, it's too long for a topic sentence. Secondly, it does not generalize the idea of the passage but act as a developing idea sentence.  
  
The same goes with your second body paragraph. Moreover, in this paragraph, you seem to have opened a new argument when mentioning that view. I personally can see your point of view but I can't assure every one will accept this argument structure. It's just neither the safest way nor the best way. If you want to make your discussion in this paragraph relevant, you have to figure out your ways by adding more sentences to bond those 2 body paragraph. Or else, this is just a "slip off the cliff".  
  
What is more: the conclusion. You've focused on too many things else without maintaining a simple task 2 structure. This would definitely make your TA and overall score very low.  
  
In summary, you've missed the limit of the prompt and your argument. The same goes with your essay structure.
If you want a higher writing score, you should also pay attention more to your grammar. I'd like to focus on your third paragraph and show you some of the common mistakes you have made.  
  
In this opening sentence of the 3rd paragraph, you made a grammar error by forgetting the verb "to be." The sentence should be corrected in to "The opposing view IS that, like ...  
  
Another thing is not to list too many examples in a sentence. By "too many," I mean more than 4. Listing too many examples would make your sentence too wordy and without a point.  
  
I hope my suggestions can help you.
## owned or rented accommodation

  
  
The bar chart illustrates the rate of households that lived in owned or rented accommodation in England and Wales during 93 years from 1918 to 2011.  
Overall, renting accommodation was the category which dominated in the proportion of choice of households, but after that, owing accommodation replaced its and became the most popular type of housing in England and Wales.  
  
In 1918, nearly four-fifths households chose to live in rented accommodation, which quadrupled that of the percentage of owned households. The difference between these two numbers was increasingly shortened. In particular, from 1918 to 1961, the statistics of house in rented accommodation dropped gradually to about three-fifths, while that of owned households increased to more than two-fifths.  
  
Till 1971, the percentages of the two categories of housing stood at the same point, with 50% for each one. At 1981 to 2001, the people who lived in the rented house continued to decrease and reached at the lowest point at 30% in 2001, whereas the rate of household in owned accommodation reached an all-time high when it grew to 70% in the same year. However, there was a recovery to about 35% by household rented accommodation,this means that the number of people in the owned house declined slightly to about 65%.
Since you forgot to upload the image with the essay that you wrote, your writing cannot be reviewed for data accuracy and task requirements. Only a grammar and general review of your essay can be completed. Please remember to upload the image next time you post an essay so that a complete review of your work can be provided.  
  
Your essay lacks in punctuation marks. You have a tendency to write extremely long sentences without offering the reader a pause, through the use of a comma or, a period, which would signify the end of one thought and the start of another. Without proper punctuation marks throughout your essay, it becomes difficult to make sense of what you are trying to say. It is difficult to remember what you have said previously because you are trying to connect several thoughts into one sentence. The presentation should be limited to 1 thought per sentence or 2 connected thoughts, properly punctuated, for the benefit of the reader and presentation clarity.  
  
Limit your essay to only 150-190 words. Always allot time for editing your paper. Use about 5 minutes to edit the final paper. Remember, there are only 20 minutes allotted for the task completion and within that time frame you will need to:  
  
- Draft the information representation  
- Arrange the information being presented  
- Check for grammar, spelling, and information errors  
- Correct the errors  
- Finalize the content  
  
So you have to focus on brevity for your presentation. Focus on conciseness and coherence. You need to make sure the data you are presenting is complete and, informative. I cannot say that your presentation is accurate at this point. You forgot to upload the image that would have helped me figure that out. Maybe I can do that next time for you.  
  
(WARNING! STUDENTS CANNOT POST THE IMAGE FOR THE OP! DO SO AT YOUR OWN RISK!)
Dear, in task 1, when a graph include timestamps, it is important to report the trend only and make comparison, as the prompt requires. Dont too ambitious about the unusual words that you know.  
  
The word "this means that" show that your own opinion is about to come, in IELTS task 1, you shouldn't mention your own opinion. Moreover, this sentences : "However, there was (...) to about 65%" is not appropriate in task 1, since you mention about something you conclude in your own view. The figure of household in rented accommodation can't affects the in owned one, therefore, you should choose another data to compare or report.