dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Let's start with the lack of synonyms in your restated introduction. The description "extra money" was already used in the original presentation so you cannot use it again in your own statement. An alternative word would be cash bonus, cash bonuses, or simply a bonus / bonuses. You need to avoid using the same words in your own essay because that will have a negative effect on your LR score. It will show that you have limited English vocabulary that can prevent you from properly explaining the topic of the essay you were provided.  
  
Next, you have to remember that when you are asked specific questions in the original prompt, you will need to provide one sentence responses, one for every question, within the final sentences of your prompt restatement. The examiner requires those responses to help show that you know how to properly outline a discussion topic. That will also help you after your brainstorming because you will not need to refer to your notes while writing your essay. The outline will already be right in front of you.  
  
In the second paragraph, you went off topic towards the end when you spoke of the negative effects of giving bonuses. The relationship in question is only between the boss and rank and file employee. That is the focus of the discussion because the boss is the one giving the incentives. So the other employees and how they feel about employees who receive bonuses do not matter. That is not part of the discussion. That should be removed from the presentation.  
  
You should not have included the topic about sending an employee home early in the 2nd reasoning paragraph. You did not fully develop that discussion so it did not really help your essay moving forward. However, the presentation after that, about allowing employees holidays, was right on the mark and should have been the only explanation presented. Mostly because that was the more developed response to the question.  
  
By the way, you need to be careful when typing and writing. You accidentally started a paragraph with a lowercase letter. You should start all sentences, regardless of paragraph place, with a capital letter. Errors like that can affect your GRA score in relation to grammar accuracy.
## Creativity and age

  
  
In Viet Nam, when people turn a certain age, they usually retire from their companies despite having some several good working years ahead of them. While some people argue that the older is more capable in their work, I believe that young people also have their own strengths.  
  
Firstly, young generation is more open-minded. They are open to new ideas and to new ways of doing business. Besides, they synthesize ideas with many dimensions of their work from different sources which makes them accumulate knowledge by the minute. For example, the younger is easy to adopt, they can spend more efforts on reading business net working in Africa to contribute well to their projects. Moreover, some people think that young generation can not take the responsibility for their work but be quite unreliable. However, today's society is as a competiton so that the younger must always making efforts which can consolidate their positions.  
  
Furthermore, enthusiasm is one of the most essential factors that each company should have in their workplace. Only by young people with full of energy do create an active atmosphere, which also encourages mental elements. Additionally, young workers are favoured by companies because of their ability to tackle problems with the newest technology. For instance, nowadays, there are many up-to-date applications which requires experiences about these gadgets.  
  
To sum up, other than lack of experiences in workplace, young workers also have their own strengths and contribute to the development of companies. By non-stop efforts, people will improve themselves time by time, becoming an indispensable puzzels in companies.
@hana0510  
I am not that skillful when it comes to writing but while I was reading your essay there was a sentence that didn't seem right to me,  
  
'Only by young people with full of energy do create an active atmosphere'.  
  
If you read this sentence a couple of times you will realize yourself that this sentence might be missing a word or two.  
I hope this is helpful for you though I can not say anything else about your essay.
Your first paragraph, which is supposed to be a prompt restatement isn't very clear. While the first sentence might have offered some introductory elements to the topic for discussion, there is a missing sentence in the middle that should tie in the discussion topic, the reason for the discussion,and your response to the prompt question or instruction. Since you did not provide the original prompt, I cannot explain to you how to fix the confusion in that part of your essay.  
  
Good work with keeping on topic within your 2 reasoning paragraphs. You clearly understood that this is a single opinion essay and as such, requires you to focus only on the defense of your opinion as stated in the prompt restatement. In the last sentence of your last paragraph, you used a non-existent word. I think you meant to say "puzzles", not puzzels. Regardless, the word was used in the wrong manner in the sentence. You meant to use the word "part" as in "indespensable part of the company".  
  
Kindly include the prompt next time so that a better review can be provided for your work by a contributor.
Your thesis statement should not be presented in the second paragraph. You have to present that as a part of the introduction in the first paragraph. The first paragraph should be the ramp up to the actual discussion. That means, you present the backstory or personal insight into the topic, creating the foundation for the total presentation. Additionally, professors dislike it very much when the student kicks off the essay with a paragraph riddled with quotes and in-text citations. Like I said, that is supposed to be a simple presentation of the topic that will be covered in the research. Normally,a student is advised to avoid using quotations or paraphrasing within the first 2 paragraphs. The reason being that professors see these presentations more are a means to achieve a word count, rather than actually helping the student present a better understanding of the discussion.
## The teacher I admire the most

  
  
I didn't have any good impressions with teachers before, but Mr.Hien has changed it all and became the one I admire the most. He is not only a Math teacher, but also, he is my life-guide teacher. The first impression I felt about him, that was a strict custom every time, he swore students too much, especially when he calls somebody do the exercise and then, they repeated some mistakes or do nothing on board, he could use bad language to curse them, and sometimes, I thought I had an accident unfortunately, and that was the motivation kept I have carried out to learn straight in both every maths and some other problems. He conducted me to transcend above more difficulties, and hold me not taking off. From that period, I stop my issue from being mad on some teachers, and think big about reaching a good student, and try to learn in advance. Gradually, I consider that my level will be very nice if I looked out some methods and knowledge of my teacher day by day, and go off some bad habits around myself. The best thing I can learn from Mr .Hien, my teacher, is focus. I should appoint in all the exercise I am determined to finish. If I don't appoint on what I plan at first, and just fancy some flying colors and after that put off all intentions, it will be certain that I can't make a big career in the future.
@thanhnguyenTHICH  
What Hafsa feel "out of place" in your essay is the misused of some words and phrases because you are influenced by Vietnamese. You should learn more about word collocation in English to get rid of this. For example, you should use "the impression you have about him".  
  
This sentence "The first impression I felt about him, that ... " is too long, unclear and grammatically incorrect. Try to split it into shorter sentences so that your writing is easier to understand.  
  
I hope that my comment help.
## forecasting the weather

  
  
The diagram below shows how the Australian Bureau of Meteorology collects up-to-the-minute information on weather in order to produce reliable forcasts.  
  
Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.  
  
You should write at least 150 words.  
  
answer:  
The diagram below illustrates the ways used by Australian Bureau of Meteorology for forecasting the weather.  
There are four stages in this process, begging with the collection of informations and they will be analysed and forocasted. Then, the preparing the broadcast step will be done by the computer with the resulting data of the previous step, and finally they are broadcasted to the public.  
  
Looking at the left half of the process , there are three ways to collect the weather data and three ways of analyzing this figure. Firstly , incoming information can be received by the satellite and it will be analysed by using the satellite photo. The same data also can be collected by the radar station and the drifting bouy and it is transmitted through the radar screen or synoptic chart to analyse.  
  
Regarding the rest of the process, the analysed data will be sent to the computer to preparing the broadcast. And final step, it is delivered to the public on television, on the radio or on the recorded announcement.  
  
*   
*question*
This is actually a 4 paragraph report. Why is it 4 paragraphs? Look at the image. It is a flow chart. A flow chart indicates how information is disseminated after analysis. in this case the chart flows in 3 ways:  
  
- From the satellite  
- from the radar  
- From the drifting buoy  
  
The information presentation requires 3 descriptive paragraphs. You only wrote 2, which were not data accurate. You need to identify the process by information source, not left and right, top or bottom. The overall essay shows a lack of clear analysis and understanding of the image you were given.  
  
You misused words in the essay: begging = beginning. The overall presentation is confusing because of presentation redundancies, and a lack of proper analysis of the information. You needed to spend a bit more time outlining the procedures, based on the 3 sources of information so that the presentation of the data paragraphs would have been clearer.  
  
You are not prepared for the advanced reporting system yet. You do not have enough English vocabulary nor understanding to be able to pull off these intricate reports. Use only the basic reports for now. You are just getting started anyway. Don't use the complicated stuff yet. You are simply not ready for it.
## how much money some countries spent on their roads

  
  
The bar chart compares four different nations, namely Italia, Portugal, UK and USA in terms of how much money those countries spent on their roads and transport over the course of 15 years starting in 1990.  
  
Overall, Portugal had the highest percentage of spending on this area. In addition, all countries showed a decline in their figures with the exception of the USA.  
  
As can be seen from the chart, in 2005 Portugal accounted for the highest growth percentage with over 25%, which is about three times higher than that of UK. However, during the following years, this country witnessed a decrease in its growth rate, down to 20% in 2005. By contrast, over the period from 1990 to 2005, USA began with slightly above 10%, this proportion then rose to exactly 15% at the end.  
  
In comparison, between 1990 and 2000, Italia's figure climbed quickly and reach a peak of nearly 24% before dropping rapidly to 19% in the last year. Similarly, a similar trend was also observed in the UK, whose statistics decreased from 10% to 8% during this period but then peaked at 12% in 1995.  
  
*   
*bar chart*
Regardless of the wrong title that you used for this post, one thing is clear. You are writing a critical art review. Without knowing what the review instructions are, I will only be hazarding a guess as to what it should contain and what it is lacking in the presentation. I feel that you did a good job with the individual review of the paintings and the intention of the painter. However, there does not seem to be any connecting discussion point in your presentation. Where is the reference to commonalities in the art? What themes connect the images? What mindset did the artists share? What do you think the true representation of the era was? Your presentation lacks in the connected critique of the art work. As far as I am concerned, the presentation is good on an individual basis, but lacks tremendously in the shared analysis of the work. Now remember, I am not familiar with the instructions for the critique writing so I am not really sure if my review will work for you or not. However, based on the art papers I have completed reviews for before, I think I am somewhat on the right track with my review of your work.
## No one is flawless

  
  
Every human has a flaw in this world. There is no existing being who is flawless. We might have met people who are good at many things or others who we might have shared similarities with but there must have been at least one person we encountered in our lives who we might have resent or hate being around with.  
  
There might be lots of reasons but the one I will point out is the hate we feel towards other people's flaws. It may not be sensible to point this out but usually you hate a person or feel annoyed around him when you notice the person's flaw and fail to realize that you might have the same flaw. For example, many times when my cousins wold make noise my father would shout at them telling them to lower their voices. So once, my grandfather told me that my father's tells other people not to shout but shouts himself. Soon afterwards I noticed that my father would always get angry at others who made a mistake in front of him but he himself would make the same mistake.  
  
To be honest, I may have many flaws that I fail to realize but my mother used to tell me that I talk to much. Finally when I accepted this fact I realized that I always used to avoid people who talk too much. I tried my best not to talk too much and it took me almost three years. It was hard but the good thing that came out of it was that I could stand people who talk too much.  
  
The important thing that we should learn is that we should accept other people's flaws and try to let go of our own flaws. When we realize our own flaws and try to correct them we won't resent, hate, or be annoyed around people who have flaws.  
  
Hi. This is an essay from SAT. I am thirteen years old and with very less experience in writing so I am sure that I might have made lots of mistakes so I request all those who read my essay to give me advices on how to improve my writing abilities.
I can see some points:  
1 - This sentence "We might ...around with" in your introduction, I cannot see any thing related to a flaw or flawless. I think you should add some information. For example, even you admire someone or hate someone, all of them have flaws. Or we can easily see flaws from the person we hate  
  
2 - spelling error: "my cousins wold" , "I talk to much"  
3 - repeat some words few time "talk too much". You can change into "talkative" . Mentioning in the previous sentence, you can use some different way to express this word. "I tried my best not to make this mistake again" or "It took me almost 3 years to improve this habit"
Let's focus on the grammar issues for now. It appears that you have word choice errors in the essay. This was caused by commonly confused words. There is a difference between "to" (used for expressing motion or direction toward a point, person, place, or thing approached and reached, as opposed to from) and "too" (adverb, meaning also, excessively, or besides). You meant to use the latter word.  
  
Also, you need to learn in what written situations you need to use a comma after an introductory element such as in the presentation "Finally, when I accepted...". There are also times when a comma is needed to insert a pause, to give the reader time to understand what you are saying such as, "... and try to correct them, we won't resent..."  
  
I don't remember if I warned you before but you need to stop using contractions in your writing because you are practicing academic English writing. Always spell out the word (don't = do not, won't = will not).  
  
Do you have access to formal English writing textbooks? There are available sources in Playstore that you can download. I suggest you download those books and read them so you can learn more about academic writing, without the use of formal tutors or teachers.
## The debt crisis problem

  
  
The reason most individuals are in debt is due to the overuse as well as irresponsible use of credit cards. Banks should not issue credit cards unless they are completely sure of an individual's ability to pay back their debts.  
  
To what extent to you agree with this?  
  
Despite a great many advantages that loans provide, borrowers can be posed serious dilemmas if not budgeting for bank cards. A resolution has been put forward, concerning the necessity of thorough individual examination of financial capability before supplying debts. From a personal standpoint, I consent with this idea to a great extent. Nonetheless, the situation calls for an additional antidote, which involves individual self-awareness.  
  
To begin with, credit inspection does away with possible bad debts by blocking disallowed people's access to funds of a bank. Under the auspices of account history or financial background check, which is linked to a person's occupation, staff can evaluate his/her ability to return the debt. To be specific, based on monthly income and monetary records, the bank can estimate the maximum sum allowed. Such objective probes form a credible ground for transparent transactions, thereby avoiding any defective claims. The emergency of the 2008 economic downturn resulting from debt crisis well exemplifies for the critical importance of budgetary examination. For the time being, even people whose unqualified deposits or credit reports were offered mortgages to get on the housing ladder. This marked the outset of a serious recession, having long-lasting injurious bearings on world's economy.  
  
In addition, bringing this crisis to a halt also falls on borrowers' responsibilities. First, it stands to reason that reckless expenditure of charge cards truly lies behind unpaid debts. Thus, a reasonable plan is vital with a view to keeping spending within adequate limits. Second, without debtors' genuine reports, budget analysis is not utterly reliable. Any individuals should thoroughly perceive that dishonesty can give rise to damage to either capital or prestige of both creditors and debtors.  
  
In conclusion, I believe the burden of debt crisis should be shared among banks and mortgagors. Such collaboration will soon abolish current challenges and contribute to secure and trustworthy future loans.
Your last sentence in the paraphrase totally ruined an otherwise perfect restatement and response. Do not give an opinion or suggestion where it is not required nor indicated in the original prompt. You were only asked for the extent of your dis/agreement and you put it forward in a highly impressive manner. Too bad you had to go and ruin your TA score with the addition of that non-required sentence at the end.  
  
The second paragraph is problematic. There was no real explanation being provided, just reason after reason after reason. You would have done better to have simply split up the first paragraph presentation into two parts, representing 2 reasoning paragraphs. The first paragraph was overly developed due to the numerous topics presented. The better balance and cohesive/coherent presentation could have been better achieved if you had just made the "Such objective probes" the second paragraph. It was still related and offered a deeper insight into the discussion.
It has been noted that many people who had a big impact on the world gave themselves completely to their work and did not bother with the idea of "work-life balance". To what extent should people try to have a good work-life balance?  
  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  
  
"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." We have all heard of this saying during our childhood by teachers or parents educating us about the importance of having a good balance between studies and plat-time. As we grow into adults this translates into having a good work-life balance. However, history has recorded that in order to have any kind of impact on the world, individuals must abandon the idea of work-life balance. In this essay we will discuss the extent to which people should try to have a good work-life balance.  
  
Before the world was gripped by the coronavirus epedemic, I used to be employed as a Restaurant Manager in a 5\* hotel. I used to work 12-14hrs shifts 6 days a week. I got promoted within a year of graduating and was one of the youngest managers in the company and was recognised as a rising star. There was absolutely no concept for a work-life balance as I believed that that would only slow my progress.  
  
It was during the forced lockdown, I realised the adverse affects my work had on my health. My erratic eating habits had rendered me extremely unfit. While I used to love reading fiction books, I couldn't remember last time I finished one. My once vibrant social life was now non-existent having lost contact with most of my college friends and I spoke to my family only once a month.  
  
Many notable personalities who have made a mark on the world over the years having been very vocal about having a good work-life balance. Bill Jobs recently explained in his book that in-order to win the race on having any kind of impact on the world you first need to be able to finish the race.  
  
I would like to conclude by another quote "A healthy mind is a wealthy mind." While it is essential to work hard and be deternined, one must not forget the other important things in life and always maintain a good work-life balance.
Do not use the pronoun "we" since the reference pronoun in this prompt is singular. So use the pronoun "I" instead. While your approach is acceptable. A more enticing and interesting essay will use a hook to entice the examiner to read more and also, convince the examiner that he has the proper English analytical abilities to respond to the prompt. The hook will help you create an outline for your discussion, which will also help increase your overall score.  
  
Rather than a comma, use a connecting word the following presentation: It was during the forced lockdown, I realised the adverse affects my work had on my health. While the comma adds a dramatic effect, and is useful in creative writing presentations, an academic paper would flow better with the use of the connecting word "that" to indicate a connected flow of thought or action (in this case). Additionally, write out the word 5-star. Never use an asterisk to represent that in an academic or professional paper. That word is always spelled out. Never take shortcuts. Avoid contractions and punctuation marks in place of actual words. That just reeks of unprofessionalism and could affect your scoring potential.  
  
If you are referring to notable personalities, do not make names up. It is either Steve Jobs or Bill Gates. There is no such person as Bill Jobs. The examiner will allow you to get away with lies in your presentation, but, he will draw the line at actual popular figures such as the two men who created the computers we use today. While you won't be scored down for it, why would you want to make up information if there is an actual reference for it?