dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Maintaining public libraries is a waste of money since computer technology can replace their functions. Do you agree or disagree?  
  
## New technology and readers

  
  
In the cutting - edge of technology, computer devices has become prevalent in modern society so some people assumed that spending money on maintaining public libaries is not necessary . However, from my perspective, I am not in favour of this opinion.  
  
First of all, libraries are appropriate places to concentrate on reading books or completing works due to their peaceful atmosphere. For example, the number of students who focus on studying hard tend to finish their homework in libraries rather than other places. Because instead of learning, being seduced by entertainment applications on smartphones or laptops on is inevitable. Additionally, if spending much times on working with computers can cause negative problems which impact on vision of users such as short sightedness or eyestrain.  
  
Besides, not everyone is interested in accessing information by computers. There are several impoverished people who can not afford to pay for smart devices such as e-books, laptops, still continue reading book in local libraries. Another thing is that adoption of new technology like smartphones, computers seem to be unfeasible for elderly people as previous generations do not know how to use these devices that did not appear universally few decades ago.  
  
In conclusion, it can not be denied that even though computer technology brings a lot of advantageous effects for readers, it can not replace the crucial position of libraries. Thus, I believe that government authorities should invest money to upgrade library infrastructure.
@linhdan1198  
First of all,  
strong effort on this piece of writing, however do allow me to give some recommendations regarding your writing.  
  
You dont need to put the " - " between the cutting edge word.  
Cutting edge is a adjective for the technology, so cutting edge technology is enough. The OF can be omitted  
  
" Prevalent " is used to describe that something is once widespread, indicating a period of time. We have not passed the age of computers so this word is thus not suitable.  
  
you have made your stand clear in the opening of this essay, so this a good start , thus minimizing the chances of your essay going off topic.  
  
"being seduced by entertainment applications on smartphones or laptops on is inevitable."  
This is a point but u need to further elaborate, as in how does it affect the concentration in studying.  
  
"if spending much times ... problems which impact on vision of users such as short sightedness or eyestrain."  
" spending much times on working with computers can cause negative problems such as having an impact on the vision of users such as nearsightedness or eyestrain.  
  
"advantageous ~~effects~~"  
The word advantageous already indicated the presence of a impact/effect.  
  
Overall , it is indeed a strong effort as mentioned before, do read up more on the benefits of reading books than computer, research materials can be useful tp make your essay more believable and strong.  
  
Good luck in your studies.
Linh, your opening paragraph is weak because it does not accurately perform its task as the paraphrasing statement. You did not properly restate the prompt and you also did not meet the minimum 3 sentence requirement because your first sentence is a run-on sentence. That means, it is extremely long when it should have been divided into separate sentences in the presentation instead.You also lack the full 5 paragraph requirement for the presentation of a task 2 essay. Do not use connecting words such as "because" to start your sentences because there is no previous thought to connect to the new sentence. Majority of your discussions are mere talking points that do not have a thoroughly developed discussion or explanation because you tend to lose focus of what your actual paragraph topic is supposed to be. Overall, this essay is a good effort but would not have gotten enough scores scraped together to get a passing consideration.
Hsiao, I am of the opinion that this type of GRE presentation will only score a 4 due to a number of errors on your part. Don't get me wrong, you provided an acceptable argument for the provided topic and your reasoning is clear enough. The problem is in your actual presentation and the grammatical errors that you essay contains. The weak sentence development within the presentation affects the way that the reader understands your statements. Try to increase your skill in developing properly worded English sentences that have proper subject - verb agreement presentations. In addition to that, you must also train yourself to use transition sentences at the end of one sentence to help introduce a continuation, but change in topic discussion in the upcoming paragraph. The transition affects the smoothness of the discussion presentation and is required to help prepare the reader for upcoming information. Your reasoning development needs to have a more concise presentation. I suggest that you do that by trying to divide your explanations, reasons, and examples into separate paragraphs. That way you create a smoother and more connected paragraph discussion flow. This could have been at least a 5 essay if the aforementioned problems with your presentation did not hamper your presentation of the discussion.
Task 1 ; The diagram below shows how geothermal energy is used to produce electricity.  
  
## **SOME STEPS FROM GEOTHERMAL POWER PLANTS TO PRODUCE ENERGY**

  
  
The figure shows the process of geothermal power plants to produce the electricity.  
  
From the beginning, the component process of power plant are started from cold water in the tank. Then, in the below of the tank, there is a pipe around 4.5 km into the ground to pump down the water are going to the injection. After that, the cold water will go through geothermal area (hot stone) and it will become hot water. Next, Hot water will be pumped up to the condenser in the big container and the tool will accommodate the water to be hot air. Furthermore, the steam air is connected to the turbine this is because spinning the turbine to get electrical energy in the generator. After all, generator will send the electrical energy to the tower.  
  
In conclusion, geothermal energy plant is used to create energy with some steps. Heating cold water by geothermal area and transferring the water to be air in the condenser container and also rotates the turbine to produce electricity in the generator.  
  
*
Yoga, while you did well in presenting more than 150 words in the essay, your formatting is off. You must present a 4 paragraph essay that details the geothermal power development. Divide the paragraph presentation into inter-related steps. That way you manage to create the required number of paragraphs. Make sure to present no less than 3 sentence per paragraph as well to make sure that you fall under the minimum sentence requirement, don't go over 5, which is the maximum sentence requirement per paragraph.  
  
Your presentation is confusing as it does not totally follow the diagram presentation. You also did not use the parenthesis information in the appropriate spot so when you did introduce it in the discussion, the reader ends up wondering what the presentation is in relation to. Don't be cut and dried in the presentation of the steps. Try to include some obvious explanation references in order to deliver a more complete procedural report to the reader.
## total sales of goods to US and Europe

  
  
The bar chart illustrates Company ABC's export performance between 2003 and 2008, products were exported to North America and Europe. Units are measured in dollars in million.  
  
Overall, yearly figures for exportation to Europe varied, whereas that to North America followed a trend of rising. Products exported to Europe were more significant than to North America in the first two years, whilst the company transported more goods to North America in the following years.  
  
In terms of exportation to North America , the rate was the lowest in 2003 (just below 20 millions dollars). The number increased steadily to over 50 dollars in million in 2008. Each year, the value of products exported to North America increased by around 10 millions.  
  
On the other hand, the total sales of goods to Europe throughout the period stayed above 20 millions dollars. From 2003 to 2005, the sales amount increased by slightly over 10 millions. Then, it experienced a fall to precisely 20 millions in 2008.  
  
*
Chau, congratulations on writing a little more than the minimum required number of words for this essay. You did a good job for the most part. Your presentation of the obvious information cannot be faulted. However, you can be faulted for placing information in a parenthesis instead of presenting it as a part of the discussion. Information in a parenthesis, although acceptable, means that this is a minor discussion point and can be omitted in the overall consideration. That is not the case for the information you placed in the parenthesis and that will have an effect on your TA score.  
  
Another fault in the essay is that you did not make a comparison discussion, as described in the original prompt instructions for similar information. 2005 shows equal exports to North America and Europe and should have been mentioned specifically in the report presentation. Also, you failed to use the keyword "sales figures" in the essay along with the "export" keyword. Both are important elements of the discussion and should have been equally represented in the discussion. In relation to that, uour opening statement also failed to include a discussion instruction summary.  
  
Take into consideration that you will be presenting this report to an analyst who will not have time to review the actual chart. Be precise with the information presented. Don't take shortcuts, don't demote information, and don't skip the presentation of comparison information either. These can all have a strong downward score influence on your final score.
The whole question of the task as below:  
*Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.  
  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  
Write at least 250 words.*  
======================================================  
## crucial information is an asset

  
  
Nowadays, individuals are able to receive various information from external world in their surroundings. The information usually created by experts on different area of science, commerce or the academy. Many are loving to devote but some are relative selfishness. Hence, I am going to present my standpoints and some specific examples as below.  
  
First of all, many human beings are willing to share the resource, in order to help others to achieve their target. For example, when a student requires to finish a task which given by a professor. Therefore, the teacher will provide the academic papers which he or she accomplished to his or her student. By this way, the student could easily to learn the knowledge, to complete the assignment, and also to in-depth study the subject. One day, the student would publish an advanced theory is helping the whole society, and he or her will be able to devote their knowledge to the world.  
  
On the other hand, some are relatively realistic and not want to the valuable information shared to others. For instance, a company developed a new medicine which will cure a particular cancer. However, the medicine will not be released to the public, because they invested a plenty of money to research. Besides, to sell the medicine will benefit the business growth, and also to became the pioneer of a market.  
  
In conclusion, as we all known, there are different type of human personalities in the society. When the issue is relating to the benefit and money, the people who are focusing on their own prosperity, and would not cease to earn more. In fact, on the ethical side, many still enjoy sharing their precious value to keep the growth of a society.
Sih, based on my expert analysis of your essay, I can tell you that this sort of presentation will not garner you a passing score. In fact, the score breakdown for this essay would fall under a standard range of 3 for all 4 scoring considerations. You have extreme difficulty in the GRA section of the essay which affected the manner of your presentation for the TA section. Since your cannot appropriately represent your thoughts in English, this create an even bigger problem for you in the C&C section of the test as the reader had a high degree of difficulty in trying to decipher the message of the paragraphs. This was caused by you insufficient knowledge and inappropriate use of the English vocabulary. Therefore, the essay cannot score high enough to even come near a possible passing score. You can only improve if you first improve your English vocabulary skills and then learn how to properly develop English sentences by practicing simple GRA development exercises. Most of which are freely available online.
## comparing two sites for a future supermarket

  
  
The map illustrates the potential places of the new supermarket which are S1 and S2.  
  
Overall, both of the locations are next to the railway, but S2 is closer than S1.S1 is being in countryside while S2 is in the town centre area. The town centre is surrounded by houses and apartments, and part of the housing zone was built with industrial buildings. Countryside is stated outside of the town.  
  
S1 is located in the middle of the highway and a main road which is going to Hindon. There are 10000 citizens living in Hindon.  
  
S2 stay between the starting points of the main roads to Cranston and Brandon, but more near the road to Cranston. There is 25km distances to Cransdon from the beginning place, compared to Only 16km to Branson. The populations are 15000 and 29000 in Branson and Cransdon respectively.  
  
*
Kiki, this essay will get an automatic failing score because you did not present the minimum 150 word requirement, The lack of word count immediately indicates a lack of proper discussion development in the essay and a lack of proper referencing and comparison discussions within the actual presentation. Just looking at the essay that you wrote in comparison to the illustration already shows me that you did not appropriately analyze and discuss the drawing in your presentation. You need to make sure that you always present the complete 4 paragraph format for the Task 1 essay with properly developed 3-5 sentence paragraphs. Otherwise, you risk failing the essay test on a technicality. You don't just present the information you see in the diagram, you need to explain its relevance to the topic and its connection with other discussion considerations based on the 2 drawings. You are not taking the exam seriously when you make such short presentations as you do here. Review the "Similar Topics" section at the bottom of your posting. Learn how others have discussed the same topic successfully. That way you can improve your own weaknesses and avoid making their mistakes in your future presentations.
It is thought by some people that teenagers should be fortified to have a gap year before they get in University. They may understand themselves more, but it may affect the freedom of them.  
  
## is the gap year waste of time?

  
  
Firstly, it is commonly believed that students have to know what they want and how can they received it from colleges. In some countries, especially in Asia, the helicopter parents make all choices for their children. Education is one of the decisions they make. In the children mind, studying in university is an instruction to follow. They do not know what can they learn in universities, and what they really want. Therefore, many people are regret after they saw a bigger world in universities. For example, one of my friend was studying business when I met her. However, she quit her bachelor's degree in year three because she realised that music is what she really want to learn and aim to be a professional musician after she know harp in the college. She is now a year two student of an undergraduate programme of music. It is argued by some that sending teenagers who do not really know what they want is wasting social resources, and giving an opportunity for them to get a job or travel around to see the world is a way to avoid problems.  
  
On the other hand, some people support the opinion that to have a break or not is a personal decision of the teenagers and enforcing them to have it is injuring the freedom of the high school graduates. The students who graduated from secondary school are aged 17-18 years old in most of the countries. After years of education, the students are able to make their own decisions. Also, planning a gap year for the students is a way of spoiling. They should take the responsibility of their own life. It may lead to some negative effects to the students if having a gap year is compulsory.  
  
To conclude, while there are some points to support students having to work or have a trip before they study in universities and avoid resources wasting, it may harm the freedom and development of teenagers.  
  
*
Kiki, remember that there is a 5 sentence maximum per paragraph presentation. For the task 2 test, you should also present 5 paragraphs for the discussion. That means you should present a prompt paraphrase, 3 body paragraphs (composed of one topic each), and a concluding summary. Your essay fails to represent the appropriate format because you forgot the sentence requirement per paragraph. There is no part of the required format that is properly presented in your essay. Therefore, it will be difficult for you to get a passing score with this ill formatted and yet, still under discussed presentation. The best manner for the discussion you presented would have been to divide your reason and example discussion in the first paragraph into the 3 body paragraphs. The problem with that though, is that you would not be able to properly discuss the advantages and disadvantages in the 3 body paragraph requirement. Learn to say more with less words. Keep it short but informative. That is the best way to make these essay presentations work better in terms of scoring potential.
Hi,  
  
I'm going to have a test on 14/4 so I really need your help. Thanks in advance!  
  
IELTS Writing Task 2: **Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?**  
  
Here is my essay:  
  
## the global distribution of products

  
  
There is increasingly common trend these days that residents can purchase the similar goods anywhere in the world. From my perspective, I firmly believe that this is a beneficial change for people in modern life.  
  
It is clearly evident that the global distribution of products is of incredible help in reducing the total prices, which is resulted from the decrease of the total cost of importing goods. In fact, the imported goods are priced based on all the relevant fees that a company is supposed to bear when they import goods from foreign countries, for example, shipping fee, importing tax. One good illustration here is that since Zara opened a new branch in Vietnam, Vietnamese can pay more reasonable amount of money for its clothes, more specifically, it is cheaper than the ordered ones from foreign countries.  
  
In addition, providing the same products around the world can mitigate the risk of shipping goods to other nations. First of all, long-distance transportation by several means of transport such as ships, trains, planes often take such a long period of time for the products to get their destinations, which sometimes irritates the buyers if those goods are shipped after the expected dates. It is also possible to say that the products are endangered of being lost or stolen on the way. A fairly good example should be mentioned here is that some travelers by planes claim for package pilfering, leading to missing items in the suitcases which are bought in foreign nations.  
  
In conclusion, I strongly support the idea that the advantages of purchasing the same goods in every part of the world is considerable.  
(273 words)
Vu, there are two problem points that I want you to concentrate on fixing in your upcoming essays. First, is you need to create a more proper prompt restatement in the opening paragraph. The proper opening statement for this (and future essays) need to properly depict your understanding of the original prompt and the discussion requirements. For example, one of the proper approaches to this prompt statement would have been as follows:  
  
*Globalization has created more and more similarities in the lifestyles of people. This is because people can now afford to acquire the same products from any country in the world. As such, this has become a positive development for society. The reasons I have for saying this will be discussed in the following paragraphs.*  
  
The correct presentation needs to accomplish the following:  
1. Restate the topic for discussion in an original manner.  
2. Present the reason for the discussion.  
3. Inform the reader about the discussion instruction that was provided.  
  
Present those 3 information in the opening paragraph and you are sure to gain a high score for this type of essay discussion.  
  
The concluding statement you presented is not effective because it doesn't appropriately summarize the discussion presentation. I only indicates a support for the given discussion, which is not part of the prompt requirements so it will end up causing point deductions for your conclusion instead. You accidentally changed the prompt focus in the final leg of the presentation, which is a very bad thing for your essay in terms of scoring.