dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The first thing you should do is to make clear of your stance. When you write something like "I fully agree with this stance by presenting several acceptable reasons", you should show us which statement you agree on, which you didn't write so unfortunately, I think you may have failed the prompt here. The phrase "several acceptable reasons" is pretty redundant because you are writing this to convince so it is not neccessary here.  
  
I think that your essay also contains erroneous use of word formation and spelling, such as:  
  
*Due to industrial development and the uncontrolled exploitation of people, it could **harmful** (harmful is an adjective, not a verb) to the ecosystem and deplete natural resources, therefore, it created a large number of disasters, such as drought, global warming, air pollution.*  
  
And because this sentence is long and hard to understand so I think you can shorten it. Here is my fix:  
  
*Due to the ever-increasing pace of industrial development,fossil fuels may pose a threat to the ecosystem and subsequently resulting in future depletion.* (But in all seriousness, you didn't show any relevant examples here: drought or global warming are not the consequences caused by fossil fuels here.  
  
So, I think that you should dig deeper in the topic. It is true that fast industrial growth caused more need for energy and resources may be run out due to this. Some of the examples can be the lack of energy used for running vehicles or machines in the future (some motors cannot be operated without oil right?).  
  
Also, if you "fully agree" with the prompt, shouldn't it be strange if you actually tried to concede the opposite argument? For example:  
  
*That is not to say that we should not use fossil fuels completely.*  
  
So in short, just write 2 paragraphs supporting your position and that's done. Don't add any unnecessary stance here.
## oral communication is much more beneficial

  
  
It is said that verbal communication is much more influential than communicating through written words. I completely agree with this point of view.  
There are a host of reasons why oral communication tends to be more efficient. Firstly, by using non-verbal languages such as body gestures, facial expressions and tones of voice, people can increase the effectiveness of the interaction. For example, in business, companies prefer having a conference in person than discussing via mobile phones, computers connected with the Internet since it is likely to show strong ideas, strategies through body language which helps to draw attention to other colleges. Secondly, it would be very fast for people to transmit information. Spoken communication would not take people a great deal of time as written communication which is beneficial to education in schools. For instance, teachers can repeat the lessons several times to support students in acquiring knowledge more effectively.  
  
Written communication can be considered a good option among individual members. However, it may lead to misunderstanding in every conversation. This can be explained that some people tend to be weak at transmitting what they wish, for example, they face some problems with handwriting or lengthy ideas that other people might fail to understand their story as a whole. To illustrate this, my handwriting can be a good example. Back in high school, my handwriting looks not unintelligible compared to others' which made my teacher frustrated sometimes because they did not have any ideas about my works on papers, I was required to submit a few verbal assignments as a result.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that oral communication is much more beneficial than written ones in most conversations.
While you did write more than the minimum number of words required for the essay, you did not do a very good job of representing your discussion. There are two problem paragraphs in this essay. The paraphrase in the first and last paragraph, and the first body paragraph. Let me get into the details below.  
  
A complete paragraph is required for each presentation. The complete paragraph gets a minimal score for 3 sentences, but gets a better scoring chance with 5 sentences. Always aim to write 5 clearly developed paragraphs per presentation. Never 3 sentences. With 3 sentences you get your topic sentence into it and a simple explanation, but never a fully developed discussion. You need 2 extra sentences to get to that point in the paragraph.  
  
The prompt paraphrases happens in 2 sections of this essay. The first paragraph (introduction) and the last paragraph (summary conclusion). You did a lousy job in both instances. Neither proper summarizes the discussion points presented in the original prompt (introduction paraphrase) and the body of paragraphs (concluding summary). Add to that the extremely long sentences which are run-on sentences pretending to be complex sentences and you will see why your essay ran into a heap of trouble when it comes to scoring.  
  
Your second paragraph, the first body paragraph, contains a contradiction in the statement. You are discussing the importance of non-verbal cues in communication and yet, in the opening sentence you indicated that "There are a host of reasons why oral communication tends to be more efficient." If it is efficient then there is no need for non-verbal cues in communication. I believe you meant to say "inefficient". Be careful with your word usage. One mistake and your LR score will pay dearly for it. As in this instance, you misspoke in written form by saying efficient instead of inefficient. You clearly did not understand how to use the term properly so the LR, GRA, and C&C scores will have deductions. Clarity and proper word usage is important when it comes to increasing your score. You either increase or decrease your score based on the problems with your writing.  
  
While your second paragraph has a good reason developed within, you may want to think about avoiding overly long sentences. These can cause stress for the reader because you take too long to get to the point. Be short but informative. You are not scored on number of words or sentence length. You are scored on clarity of thought and explanation plus, proper sentence development.
Dear Mr/Ms,  
Please kindly check my essay below and share your thoughts. Thanks a lot.  
  
## Computers as the most important invention. What do you think?

  
  
**My essay:**  
  
It is said that computers have played a really important role since they were invented in the last hundred years. In my opinion, computers are the best tool that has been invented, however, we should not use them to replace all activities in our lives.  
  
First of all, computers are the effective way helping people solve complexed questions relevant to mathematics. We now can use some extensions such as Excel to easily making calculations, report, etc,.. which is accurate and time-saving.  
  
Secondarily, thanks to the internet, computers is the great tool that changes the whole world's communication. We can easily keep in touch with old friends who are at another haft of the earth via facebook, whatsapp, etc,.. Rather than that, people throughout the world can take classes or courses no matter where are they by attending online classes offered by various universities, institutes.  
  
Moreover, computes have changed many aspects of economics such as sales, marketing,etc,.. nowadays, we can purchase everything and have it delivered to your home with only "1 click" and we now do see a tons of digital marketing tactics that help companies bring their products closer to targeted customers and we can easily find products or services that we are looking for.  
  
Despite of the great role of computers in our lives, we should use it intentionally and do not let it win over all traditional aspects for example, we do need the old-school communication such as family gatherings. We should carefully protect our privacies whenever sharing anything publicly.
It appears that your response to the prompt is totally tangential. That is because the prompt discussion instructions asks you to respond to one question but you responded in a different manner. To prove this point:  
  
*OP: To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?  
YR: In my opinion, computers are the best tool that has been invented, however, we should not use them to replace all activities in our lives.*  
  
As such, points will be deducted from your TA score for the inappropriate response and improper summary conclusion. However, you will be given a fair scoring chance based on your body of paragraphs that support your discussion statement.  
  
You will lose points for unsupported reasoning in your paragraphs. You were being asked to support your discussions with examples. Reading of your text shows that you only gave reasons but no supporting evidence. The best developed essays have only one or two reasons strongly supported by connected examples in the same paragraph. Reasoning based on personal experience instead of a collective "we" presentation will always score best.  
  
Remember, not everyone will have the same experience as you have had. That is why first person references to experiences as evidence for the reason would work best in this type of discussion. More so when the discussion instructions clearly indicate: ... include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. That is why I told you the "we" reference does not help in this instance. It has to be based on "me, myself, and I" instead.  
  
Further deductions will be given for the GRA section. You are using conjunctions and ellipses in an academic writing piece. You are also not properly presenting your sentences in a mix of simple and complex sentences. The paragraphs all fall below the 3 minimum sentence requirement for a complete paragraph.  
  
This is not a passing score essay. I know you can do better than this. I want you to prove it to me during your next practice test. Take the lessons you can learn from these observations and apply the corrections in your next test. I promise, you can only get better at writing from here if you really listen to the advice given and you work on improving your writing skills.
In this essay, I think you've opened a new discussion which is " **Why we should not replace them in every activities** " without giving enough details to strengthen your opinion. Instead, you've explained this opinion in your last paragraph, which is supposed to be the CONCLUSION of the WHOLE essay.  
  
Furthermore, in the last essay, I can't see the relation you've drawn between computers and those aspects. Especially last sentence, "sharing anything publicly" doesn't mean we have to share them on computer. It can be on the road, on the social media, ... and stuff. Personally, I do understand what you aim to say. Having said that, in a writing task, you must make everything clear to readers and the examiners. Every sentence must be bonded and be clear.  
  
As for me, you haven't completely restate the original topic. Bcuz ~~play a really important role~~ doesn't mean *most important* . And as I've said, you 've opened a new discussion  
  
In your essay, you do have few grammar mistakes and sentence structures too. Therefore, you should put more effort on this.  
  
Last but not least, your paragraphs in the body have problems too. Each paragraph should include **at least 3 sentences** . Yours seems to be too short; therefore, little information will be given  
  
However, I think you do have great idea. It's just about the way you explain them. Just try your best and keep working. GOOD LUCK !
## technology - a link to education and entertainment

  
  
Dear sir and madam, I have to do ielts test next month, so I really hope everyone can unable me to write essay better. Thanks for hearing me  
  
My essay:  
In dicussion of children's educational backup, it is witnessed subjectively by someone that reading book has left more beneficial than watching television or playing computer games. Personally, I partly concur with this view but it would not be ignored to note the exceptional perks of computer games and media as well.  
  
Intitially, it is undeniable that reading book has a positive and promissing impact on youngster, particularly science and supplementary book. Not only broaden their wisdom but these kinds of books also promote good habits for kids on a daily basis. Not to mention that, keeping us concentrated has to be remained continously during reading process, which intentionally practises patience to younger people. Hence, books have been greatly valuable fortune.  
  
However, in the context of technological advance, media accessibility early unables children to get global and trendy look as well as tend to learn and work in dynamic environment. Abandoning negativeness of games and media in modern life, they presumably benefits for children in being flexible, active and more creative through learning and searching information within vivid pictures, realistic sounds and eye-catching interfaces on games and TV as well. Children may comprehend and remember transparently in long term. Besides, playing computer games or watching TV is also a conscious choice to release pressure effectively under studying all the time.  
  
To sum up, hardly we can evaluate clearly which option be more exceptional but it may be proven that taking advantage of technology is a shorter and more time-saving string to link to education and even entertainment.
I believe that you did well in some parts of this essay and not so well in the other sections. It would be best for you to get a scoring detail from me so that you will know which portions of the essay writing task you need to focus on improving.  
  
Task Accuracy - 4  
  
Based on the scoring criteria, your task accuracy suffered because you were not able to properly present your ideas in the essay. While you responded to the task requirement at the end of your first paragraph, you are missing an accurate paraphrase of the original topic for discussion. Next time, just restate the topic based on your understanding of the given discussion topic.  
  
Your writing shows you understood the prompt, you just could not put your paraphrase into the right words. Sadly, you also forgot to summarize your discussion in the concluding paragraph, which, by the way, you turned into a simple sentence in this presentation. Definitely not the right format for the concluding summary.  
  
Due to the lack of topic sentences in your paragraphs, your main ideas are difficult to find in your writing. While represented in the presentation of the sentences, the actual reasoning is blurred by the inaccurate discussion presentations.  
  
Cohesiveness and Coherence - 4  
  
Simply put, your paragraphs were not properly put together in terms of meaning and substance. This made the paragraphs difficult to read and thus, incomprehensible to the reader.  
  
Lexical Resource - 4  
  
While you cannot be faulted for having only basic usage skills of the British English vocabulary, as English is only your second language, you can be faulted for using inappropriate words to describe what you want to say in the task. This was caused by your limited ability to create British English sentences. Your inability to write understandable paragraphs made the essay difficult to understand.  
  
Grammar Range and Accuracy - 3  
  
There is a great degree of difficulty in understanding your overall essay due to the problems with grammar and punctuation. Based on the collective errors that your essay possesses, I regret to say that you will not get a very good score with this type of writing.
(HOPE TO SEE AS MANY COMMENTS FROM YOU AS POSSIBLE)  
  
## the influence of high-tech industry on the way people communicate with others

  
  
It is unequivocal that the effect of high-tech industry on the way people communicate to others is magnitude. While many argue that this tendency is problematic, I believe that its benefits are far more significant.  
  
The development of technology has been leading to tangible changes in several aspects of modern life. Many people are in favor of online conversations rather than direct ones because it helps them save a colossal amount of time. Additionally, the proliferation of the Internet encourages individuals to express themselves on social media openly. Apart from that, it is easier for someone to make a new relationship based on dating apps.  
  
On the one hand, there are those who claim that these changes should be avoided for a number of reasons. Firstly, indirect conversations make the connection of relationships decrease. When people almost transfer messages and call by videos, instead of face-to-face talks, they are unlikely to deal with empirical situations. Secondly, the promotion of the Internet seduces some people into using it excessively. They consider their online lives as an important part of life, and they seem to rely on others' reaction on the Internet.  
  
On the other hand, I side with those who content that people benefit from this trend more the detrimental effects. With the growing of technology, it is convenient for people to keep contact in long-distance relationships. For example, students studying abroad are able to talk to their family through video calls. Moreover, using technology contributes to protecting the environment in some ways. Individuals who are in their own room manage their businesses, so the use of transportation will go down. This results in a decrease in the amount of emission from vehicle gone into the atmosphere.  
  
To conclude, despite some drawbacks of technology development, I recognize its positive impacts on relationships between individuals.
It will be difficult to review your essay for prompt responsiveness, clarity, and vocabulary usage because you forgot to include the original prompt in your statement. Please include the discussion requirements the next time you post an essay for review here. In the meantime, let me offer a general review of your work. It should still prove to be useful to you in the improvement of your writing skills.  
  
Kindly remember that you are practicing to write in British English. There are small differences between the British and America English spelling, not meaning. While you will be given an allowance by the examiner for spelling in American English, you will score better in the LR section if the examiner can see that you are familiar with the British word spelling. It is not difficult to spot the differences, there are online sources that has listings for the basic words that are spelled differently in both languages. I strongly advise you to take note of those differences and spell accordingly in your next practice test. A sample of the difference is "Favor" (American) v "Favour" (British). Same meaning, different spelling.  
  
Your paragraphs have good topic sentences, but lack in supporting arguments. In the second paragraph. You presented a reason, an under developed explanation, then a new reason immediately. Use all 5 sentences to explain your single reason. That creates more cohesiveness and coherence in the paragraph, making it more understandable to the examiner. If the examiner fully appreciates your explanation, your score in the C&C section will be improved.  
  
Your conclusion does not summarize your discussion points and your opinion. Since this is still part of the 3 sentence minimum requirement, you will lose points in the TA section for it. I am unsure as to how to wrap up this essay because of the missing prompt. I will be unable to show you better examples of a conclusion for your paragraph because of it. The same goes for the prompt paraphrase. I am not sure if you did it properly because of the lack of a comparison point (original prompt).
***Hello guys, I am new both writing and here. So here is my first thread. I hope we help each others! Thanks.***  
  
***Objective:*** ## Writing a Classification Essay About Types of Sports.

  
  
**In nature**, people need to stay strong because of the wild and other dangerous people, so people are always in need of strength and agility. With the passing years, people do not need strength and agility because of the technology, but instead of this, people need some sports that they can show their abilities. Those sports can be divided into two groups according to sports which need strength and agility.  
  
**First**, strength sports that contain people who are inborn powerful. This type of sport people are always careful about nutrition, and they eat too much to become more powerful, but they use supplements because regular meals are not enough for those people. Their bones and muscles are very strict and iron made. They are training hard and they train their weakest points. They use body weight along with the weights.  
  
**Second**, agility sports which contain people who are both inborn and later developed skills people. This type of sport people are super watchful about nutrition too, otherwise they become fat. They use supplements too because of accelerate renewal process of muscles. Their bones and muscles are not as much strict and powerful as strengthful people, but they are more flexible. They use mostly body weight. They are training hard, but they do not lift too much weights because too much weights slow down them.  
  
**To sum up**, although strong sports and agility sports are separated each others, both of them are really hard to do. You need a really good motivation and discipline to do them, and of course you need inborn abilities too.
Since you already indicated that you will be discussing two types of sports, there is no need to count it out in the presentation. A strong paragraph always kicks off with a strong topic sentence instead of a word filler. In this instance, your paragraphs started with word fillers. These do not help to add information about the topic and should be avoided in academic style writing. Topic sentences though, help to not introduce the topic for discussion, but also add some preliminary information that will be beneficial to the reader as he progresses in reading the paragraph.  
  
The sentence structures are simple and depict the writer as an English language beginner. The writing skills are basic but good enough to help the reader understand what you are trying to say. The overall content connects from one paragraph to another. However, you need to learn to use transition sentences and/or paragraphs to help better introduce the reader from one topic to the next.  
  
Keep practicing. You have the potential to get better at this.