dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## IELTS cambridge13 test1 writing task2

  
  
Hi, everyone. This is my first time posing an essay on this forum. I hope to receive some advice.  
  
**Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?**  
  
Answer:  
Some people believe that choosing a life in a country where we need to communicate via foreign tongue cause issue Not only in social aspect but also in practical part in the life. In my opinion, I totally agree with the viewpoint.  
  
On the one hand, for people who doesn't possess the foreign language, they may encounter some social issue when moving to a new country. One problem is the culture difference between foreign country and the country they grew up. Learning a language not only help people to communicate with foreigners but also deepen their knowledge about the culture. Therefore, for those who don't skilled in the second language will probably need more time to adapt themselves into a whole new environment. Furthermore, people may feel like outsiders because of language barrier. Therefore, they would rather stay in the circle of people from the same country. As a result, they couldn't really fit into the foreign country.  
  
On the other hand, it seems that this also causes several practical problems in their lifes. Firstly, for the adults without foreign language proficiency, they may not reach the acquirement for a better employment in the country, thus, they would end up getting a job with lower salary. Secondly, children will face difficulties in school, therefore, they need to work harder than other students in the same age. Moreover, it will be difficult for them to interacte with others, so they probably have problem on making new friends. Finally, the language barrier will also influence their daily life. For example, they will have trouble to make an order in the restaurant because they can't even read the menu.  
  
In conclusion, it's better for people to master in the foreign language before they move to the foreign nation, otherwise, they will spend lots of time and energy on dealing with these troubles.  
  
(309 words)
Hi Min-Chi! I think your essay has a clear structure and includes several impressive opinions. I have some advice that may improve it:  
  
1. Pay attention to sunject-verb agreement. It is a simple grammatical rule that everybody knows, so all you need is more carefulness :)  
people who ~~doesn't~~ do not possess ...;  
... not only helps people to ...  
Also, do not use contractions in academic writing. Instead of "doesn't", use "does not" to make your essay more formal.  
  
2. Organize your ideas. For example, in your third paragraph:  
*Practical problem 2: "Children will face difficulties in school, therefore, they need to work harder..."  
Practical problem 3: "Moreover, it will be difficult for them to interacte with others..."  
Practical problem 4: "Language barrier will also influence their daily life..."*  
These three problems overlap with each other. Children may find it hard to interact with the teacher, so they need to work harder (3 and 2); Language barrier could influence their daily life by hindering their interactions with others (3 and 4). You listed many brilliant ideas but should have analysed or organized them more carefully, making your essay seem underdeveloped.  
  
You may reorganize para. 3 by deviding it into two parts: practical problems for (1.) adults and (2.) children, instead of writing one point for adults and three overlapping points for children.  
  
Hope this helps!
Min-Chi, you cannot totally agree with the point of view and then use a comparative essay discussion. When you use a single point of view agreement / disagreement, then that is the only point of view that you can present in the essay. However, if you present a partial agreement / disagreement with the statement, then you can use a comparative essay presentation. So your essay will lose points because it does not properly discuss the prompt based upon your given thesis statement in the prompt paraphrase. You also forgot that there is a 5 sentence maximum requirement per paragraph. Try to write short but complete thought presentations in every paragraph but avoid run on sentences are you are prone to do in this essay.  
  
You failed to double check your punctuation marks in the presentations of your paraphrase. You need a period after the word "issue" because that is the actual end of that sentences. The next line "Not" indicates a new sentence because of the capitalized word. You created a senseless run-on sentence and that will have an effect on your GRA scoring due to the punctuation marks and sentence development considerations, which you did not deliver properly. Even your concluding paragraph, which is supposed to be a summarized presentation of the previous discussion is a run-on sentence, which will be another mark down in your final score.
**PROMPT** The government and individuals are spending too much money on national celebrations like new year or festivals. Do you agree or disagree?  
  
## expensive celebrations for public fun?

  
  
**ANSWER**:  
Tradition should be respected, which leads to a burgeoning increase in the money spent on national holidays. As the result, the question of whether spending a great deal of money on festivals is necessary remains highly controversial. From my perspective, maintaining the quality of the festivals is important.  
  
It is clear that there are more urgent issues that should be tackled. For example, reinforcing infrastructure in most of the countries in the world is crucial. Besides, many schools over the world are now undergoing a terrible education system and need solving immediately. Sometimes, revenue cannot justify the cost. Countries should also exchange their cultures with others to create a multicultural society and enrich their relationships with other nations. It is a marvelous opportunity for the government to expand the economy.  
  
Nevertheless, national celebrations are the best way to promote happiness among citizens. People always find out a way to assist them in escaping from dull life. Should the government resolve it, the conflicts among residents will arise. By the way, concentrating on the quality of the events is attributed to the flourishment of tourism. Like, tourism in Vietnam has become worldwide thanks to the decoration in holidays, which stimulates the visitor's curiosity. It is also a perfect way to launch culture to the world.  
  
In conclusion, there are many drawbacks of festivals, but in my point of view, the government should capitalize on this measure to integrate into a globalized society and maintain public happiness to abolish outmoded tradition and develop the economy.
Quyen, you have misunderstood the prompt discussion instruction. You are not being asked for your opinion regarding the need to maintain the quality of the festivals. The question being asked is whether you agree or disagree that people and the local governments are spending too much money on festivals. It is basically a yes or no question  
  
Question: Do you agree or disagree?  
Response: From my perspective, maintaining the quality of the festivals is important.  
  
With that mistake, you failed the task accuracy portion of the test. Which then hinders the possibility of you scoring at least a 5 with this essay. You are not responding to the task requirement with your response because rather than saying whether you agree or disagree, you changed the instruction and chose to respond to a topic of your choosing instead. Such a prompt deviation creates complications with how the rest of your writing will be received by the examiner.  
  
The proper approach to this essay would have been to say "I agree with this statement for a number of reasons" and then you can use 2 paragraphs to defend your stand. This is not an extent essay so you cannot "partially" agree or disagree with the statement. This is a one point of view response essay instead. We have numerous samples of those essays at this forum. I suggest you familiarize yourself with how those were written in order to learn from those who previously took and passed the test.
## Internet vs. Newspapers

  
  
**PROMPT**: *Although more and more people read news on the internet, newspapers will remain the most important source of news.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?*  
  
**ANSWER**: Nowadays reading news via online is gaining popularity. Despite this, some argue newspapers will still be the most essential when it comes to news sources. I completely disagree with this view as I believe online news will be more important than newspapers.  
  
News websites and APPs are faster to report breaking news than newspapers. After writing a piece of news, correspondents only need to press a button to post it online, thanks to the instant nature of the Internet. Newspaper articles, on the other hand, would reach readers only after print and distribution, which could take a day. As a result, the public would rely more on the Internet for news, especially breaking ones.  
  
Apart from on speed, online news wins newspapers on diversity of media types. Newspapers present news with words and pictures; websites and APPs could utilize a wide range of media forms, including audios and videos. These visual and acoustic reports convey more information than photos and words. They are also able to leave a deeper impression on people's mind. For example, a video from BBC news presented sounds of gunshots and babies crying at the end of a report. The video demonstrated the cruelty of war and could help its audience relate to people in the conflict-torn area. Audios and videos that newspapers cannot present make online reports more impressive.  
  
In conclusion, the Internet would surpass newspapers in terms of importance, because online news is instant and includes more diverse media types.
I think you should remove the word 'argue' in your intro. An argument wasn't mentioned to this prompt. Maybe use 'believe' or 'think' as a replacement.  
  
APPs is stand for? This should be mentioned in your essay because not every reader can understand that.  
Same goes to BBC.  
  
I think you did great on disagreeing to newspapers being the most important source. Your grammar is definitely better than mine.  
  
I hope this sort-of helps.
Shurui, I am impressed with the improvement in your writing. You have shown a tremendous amount of growth with this essay presentation. You have been paying attention the advice being given to you and properly applying it. A word of caution though, you should never use sensationalist references in a task 2 essay unless a "Debate" is actually inferred. Rather, always use variations of the word "discussion" because that is what the essays normally represent.  
  
You should now learn to use transition sentences within 2 paragraphs that will help to connect 2 separate topics into one cohesive and coherent discussion. This is the only slight problem in your second paragraphs. After you said "instant future of the internet" the next reference sentence should have been a transition from online newspapers to traditional newspapers. A possible transition / connecting sentence would have been; "This is where the difference between an online paper and a printed paper lies." Then you could have continued with "Newspaper articles..." The transition sentence would have conneced the two different thoughts by presenting them in a connected meaning thus creating a more complex paragraph and showing off your ability to use various sentence and writing styles to improve your presentations.  
  
Don't worry about the acronyms for the news sources. You will be wasting time and word space if you define internationally known news sources. It isn't necessary. Your concluding paragraph did not properly summarize the discussion topic points though and that, would have been a waste of scoring potential on your part.
*More and more people are finding it increasingly important to wear fashionable clothes. Is this attitude to wearing clothes a positive or negative development?*  
  
## the sense of fashion in the modern society

  
  
The uprising numbers of people think that having a sense of fashion is crucial. They choose to wear clothes that relate to the popular style. I believe this mindset can be viewed as a negative development.  
  
Many people excessively concern about their appearance because of the fashion industry. They blindly follow the trend of which clothes are hit in its season and purchase them for a sense of superior feeling over those are not trendy. However, when they get criticised about their outlooks, they start to question their own presence. This unhealthy thought will grow as they listen more to other people opinions. They eventually undergo plastic surgery or some sorts to alter their physical bodies.  
  
Furthermore, wearing fashionable clothes means to keep on purchasing the new arrival of the latest clothes in stores. Every season has new clothing for customers' satisfaction. Very often, those clothes merely make a slight change such as the color or cutting pattern. Buying these similar clothes repeatedly due to the brand names effect is definitely an act of wasting money.  
  
Besides that, the used clothes need to be decomposed. Having more people to buy clothes for the fashion trend, the overloading landfills will have to cope with these hardly dissolvable materials, like denim. Although there are also some sorts of recycling procedures as well as donation stores for the used dressings, the best solution is not to purchase them in the first place.  
  
To recapitulate, increasingly many people think that stylish garments are important. Though they overlook the danger of other people opinions. Buying too many items of clothing is also a waste of money and harming the environment.  
  
*I need your critique on this, thank you.*
Hi Jimmy, hope my advice can help:  
  
1. Pay attention to usage of articles.  
*The An uprising numbers ...; .. clothes that relate to the popular styles.*  
Note that definite articles refer to some thing specified (often something that has been refered to in previous sentences.)  
  
2.Avoid redundancy. For example:  
*I believe this mindset ~~can be viewed as~~ is ...*  
"I believe" and "can be viewed as" have similar meanings. You do not need to state the same thing twice with different expressions.  
Other examples: a sense of ~~superior feeling~~ **superiority**.  
~~the new arrival of the latest clothes~~ **new arrivals**  
  
You have a rich vocabulary. I believe you may write much better essays if you use your vocabulary in a concise and clear way. :) Good luck!  
  
Correction: ... clothes that relate to ~~the~~ popular style**s**.
SG, it appears to me that your English thoughts are marred by your inability to use the proper vocabulary to explain what it is you are saying. Look at the list of the words that you used which have a meaning far different from what you thought it meant:  
  
uprising - an act or instance of rising up; especially : a usually localized act of popular violence in defiance usually of an established government  
  
decompose - to separate into constituent parts or elements or into simpler compounds  
  
A mindset is "a mental attitude or inclination " or "a fixed state of mind". The mindset of this discussion should have focused only on fashionable clothes, you should not have altered it by presenting a reference to plastic surgery. That is a totally unrelated prompt deviation. This created a less coherent and cohesive paragraph presentation.  
  
Clothes do not "decompose". However, it does get "worn" with age. Worn means "clothes that look old or have imperfections due to constant wearing". Decomposition is more used in describing things that rot such as corpses, biodegradable trash, flowers, etc.  
  
Your concluding statement does not reiterate the reasons why people's fascination with fashion should be considered a negative development. You know how to fix that weakness in your writing. Try to read a dictionary more often and try to remember the definition of terms so that you can use some words in the proper context. Memorize the meaning along with the word.
## JOB

  
I am a programmer. I work in technology of transportation. I work for the Agency for assesment and application of technology. I built web-based information system, desktop and mobile application using PHP, java, C++ and other Language programming. I used SQL Server, MySQL and PostgreSQL as Database management system. I developed some applications such as e-parking, quick response information system and railway monitoring system. It is very challenging work and it can be exhausting because the problem of every project is very different.  
  
## FAMILY

  
Family is something that is very precious for me because nothing can replace the role of the family in this world. My family consist of two person, they are my wife and son. My wife is woman who is very petient and diligent in taking care of the family. She is not only a housewife but also she is the best chef because she always cooks delicious food for us.
It is very challenging work  
Is 'a'  
  
can be exhausting  
Exhausting is a negative word, this does not impress the reader.  
  
very precious for me : 'to' me  
  
Your family does not consist of two persons, because you are also included in the family. You can say you have a wife and a son.  
  
Your English is very simple. I think you should read more so you can explain yourself better.
you're right, my English is very simple. Thanks for your corrections and recommendations.  
  
@jalp  
The family is something that is very precious to me because nothing can replace the role of the family in this world. I come from a big family. I have two older brothers and six older sisters so I am the youngest in the family. I have a wife and a son. My wife three years younger. My wife is a woman who is very patient and diligent in taking care of the family. She is not only a housewife but also she is the best chef because she always cooks delicious food for us. My son is just three years old. I am very close to my family. We have lunch together every weekend.
**Genetic engineering is an important issue in modern society. Some people think that it will improve people's lives in many ways. Others feel that it may be a threat to life on earth.  
  
Discuss both opinions and give your opinion?**  
  
## the power of genetic science

  
  
Study of genetics recently has enormous role in this era. it is argued that this method can decrease mortality rate, while some opinion said that it potentially harm for human race. this essay will discuss about those point of views and the key to tackling this issue.  
  
On the one hand, Genetic engineering could be dangerous for human if there was mistaken that is made by scientist or doctor. mistake happen because some reasons, one of them is because every human body is unique, one method may not be able to be applied for all. for those who can not survive with this method, may cause dead or deformed.  
  
On the other hand, it would give some benefits, especially for medical world. some people who suffer severe illness such as cancer, can be helped by genetic engineering. for example, lung cancer patient will need organ transplantation which has to be 100% exactly match with patient body. since every human body is different it could not possible to find a match lung. Therefore, scientist make duplicate organ with genetic engineering method.  
  
in my opinion, government should take control of this research to avoid malfunction. by making regulation which is not everyone can use genetic engineering, and if institution proved break the law that government made, they should be punished.  
  
to sum up, genetical science has positive and negative side, if a failure happened, it would be harmful for the person who is taken sample of, while if nothing wrong happened, it would be good for everyone.
Intro: paraphrase of the prompt and your opinion.  
  
You did not mention your opinion on this.  
The 'key' is not considered an opinion but a solution to this discussion.  
  
Potentially *harms* human race.  
Or  
will potentially harm human race  
  
Bp1: if there was *a mistake that could be or was* made  
  
*Mistakes* happen because *of* some  
  
I can't continue anymore because your essay needs to be corrected, grammar-wise.  
  
I suggest that you read more books or essays with the same prompt and learn the proper way of writing and using correct tenses.  
  
I hope this helps!
Hi everyone, I really hope to receive your comments and feedback about my writing skill and score it if possible. Thank you so much for your review and I really appreciate your help.  
  
**Some people believe that charity organizations should only offer help to people of their own country; others claim that these organizations should give aid to people in great need wherever they are. Discuss both opinions and give your opinion.**  
  
## help to poorer nations vs the local needs

  
  
Whether charity organizations should focus more on international or domestic problems remains a subject of heated debate. While I agree that these organizations should aid their own countries, I also support the notion of helping people who need help regardless of their nationalities.  
  
To begin with, it is undeniable that the fundamental aim of these organizations is to provide help to those in trouble. Firstly, the priority should be identified properly, in particular, they already have many critical social issues needed to be dealt with such as poverty, environment, and healthcare. Additionally, sending aid to foreign countries requires a significant amount of money and efforts which in turn might put a constraint on the state budget.  
  
However, I firmly believe that the act of providing assistance to all people around the world is advisable. The primary reason is that helping residents in other countries to some extent will be beneficial to people in home countries. Taking the plague outbreak in 2014 in Africa as an example, hundreds of volunteer doctors and nurses who were sent from the UK and US, joined forces to treat infected patients as well as donation pouring from many charities in order to help to find a cure for that disease. Subsequently, they managed to prevent it from spreading to other countries, including their hometowns. Moreover, by supporting other people, the sense of humanity is emphasized, which is crucial to maintaining the peaceful and sustainable development of the world.  
  
In conclusion, while I think that the charity activities should be provided to fulfill the local needs, it is also necessary to aid international countries.  
  
(268 words)
First of all I would like to thank you for pointing out my spelling mistakes, which remind me to be more scrupulous next time.  
As for your essay, it's pretty much decent in my opinion, so I just point out your tiny mistakes:  
-*which is crucial to maintain~~ing~~ peaceful ...*  
-*... regardless of ~~their~~ nationalities.*. Your previous statement mentioned their, so I think it is necessary to delete the second one.
Hi Minh, please forgive me if my following comments seem useless due to my poor English. but i will try my best to give some feedbacks.  
  
The test asked you to discuss two different opinions. and unfortunately, you did not address the task. instead of discuss both opinions, you answered with agreement statement, which is supposed to used in agree/disagree question. if the Task Achievement were not correctly done, your score band will not above than 5.  
  
my suggestion is please find all of IELTS writing question type. and you can decide how to answer each type of question.