dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
You have to remember that you are being scored on your ability to follow the correct writing format for paragraphs. That means, no run-on sentences as you did in this essay. Each paragraph should be divided into individual sentences, numbering anywhere from 3-5 sentences. Only then will your essay be properly formatted in terms of presentation format.  
  
The summary overview is incomplete. It only has the topic sentence and the trending statement at the moment. You did not present the type of measurement (CO2 emissions measured in metric tons) and the inclusive decades of measurement (1967-2007). These are all part of the summary overview that helps you to outline the information presentation per paragraph. It also gives you the opportunity to write about 175-190 words, which is the ideal number of words to write for maximum scoring consideration.  
  
The data presentation paragraphs are acceptable in terms of information, but not in formatting consideration. I already explained why this is so above so bear in mind, the paragraph needs sentences, not run-on presentations. Use a full stop more than a comma in the presentation. Show individual information and analysis, not difficult to follow information based on various data measurements.
Your essay stays on point throughout. You clearly understood the prompt and your narration is acceptable. There are is a repeated word choice error in the essay. You keep addressing the word taught , meaning to teach, as thought, which means to think. This vocabulary error is disturbing to me because it shows that you do not have a strong English word foundation. You also displayed some errors in sentence formation, which resulted in an improper understanding of the sentence. That is located in the following:  
  
... our tent with plastic to keep it warm and dripping.  
  
You just told the examiner that you bought a plastic cover to allow your tent to keep on leaking into the sleeping area underneath the tent. The correct representation is:  
  
.. it warm and prevent the tent from dripping.  
  
The above partial sentence indicates that you are using the plastic bag for 2 related reasons, to keep you warm and to stop the water from entering the tent because the rainwater makes you feel cold and wet. Clarity is important when presenting a narrative. So you have to make sure that you do not confuse the examiner as he reads your work. Otherwise, you will lose additional points for your improper presentation. There are other errors in your work but these are the ones that I feel your attention needs to be called to the most.  
  
While your sentence structure errors are frequent, it does not often prevent the understanding of what you are trying to say. While that may be so, you should still focus on presenting clear, properly structured, and appropriately formatted sentences. Otherwise, you could end up with an essay that will fall under the 2 band score. I will be generous here and give you a starting score of 3. Just pay attention to the necessary corrections and always make sure to deliver clearly developed and properly worded essays next time. You should be able to improve your score next time if you focus on proper word usage and sentence clarity.
I am practicing writing essays in English language. Please help me correct my assignment and comment frankly. Thanks in advance.  
  
**TOPIC**: ***Fast food is now universally in most countries and is becoming increasingly popular. Some feel that this is positive trend, while others do not.***  
  
## What are your opinion in this?

  
  
--- Here is my essay---  
  
In recent years, fast food has dramatic changes to our habitual diet and becoming well-known in the world especially in affluent western countries. Some people said that this kind of food has some benefits ,however in this essay, I intend to argue that these food have far more demerits than few advantages it offers.  
  
First, in most of high standard of living countries prefer eating pre-packaged foods such as hamburger, chicken fried or chips rather than eating well-cooked foods. Although I certainly agree that fast food is both affordable and convenient, it contains a number of unhealthy additives like sugar, fat and salt. If people consume this kind of food as the way they add these to the staple diet in daily routine, they would get some serious health problems such as high blood pressure, obesity, depress and so on. In other words, while fast food is beneficial in the short term, its long-term effects are generally negative.  
  
Second, fast food is gradually creeping in daily meals especially in children and a big brand like Ronald McDonalds is the particularly good example. The visual image showing that the way McDonalds clown standing straight and smiling which is appealing young children and also catch their parent attention. Having grown up eating in McDonald restaurants, people are likely to continue eating fast food throughout their adult lives. A number of people in most of western countries are now faced to the risk of obesity and the statics are more increasing significantly.  
  
To conclude, I once again restate my view that fast food is detrimental to both individuals who eat it and to society at large. Authority health needs to increase public awareness about the dangerous effect of consuming to excess and giving the health risks associated with this trend.
When you are asked for an opinion, you are being asked to offer a point of view. You are not being asked to argue. So do not use inflammatory phrase like "I will argue". These essays do not argue, they offer a point of view. There is no need to be angry. You need to use peaceful descriptive words such as "I would consider", or " I believe", maybe even " I would opine", never "I will argue". You need to keep an academic tone when writing these essays. That is why examiners get irritated when they read essays that use exaggerated words or references in their essays.  
  
Good reasoning paragraphs. However, you got confused and referred to the mascot of McDonald's (Ronald McDonald) as the name of the restaurant. The fast good place is simply called McDonald's. Additionally, the first reasoning paragraph has better developed discussion points. While it could have benefited from an extended explanation, your work in that paragraph is good enough. It could have been better. However, you used the A/D single paragraph discussion format properly so you will gain points for that type of paragraph presentation.  
  
The second paragraph though, is under developed in terms of presentation. You did not fully support the reason why a mascot would successfully get a person to eat at the restaurant. It does not feel related to the original discussion requirement. It would have been great if you had used your personal experience in relation to the explanation. An opinion, when presented from a personal perspective, gives the paragraph more believability and a more applicable explanation. So the examiner tends to score those types of reasoning on a higher TA range.
I am practicing the IELTS exam.It is hoped that you can help me correct this essay. Thanks a lot.  
  
## Career path of an average worker

  
  
**Topic: In the past, people spend their entire lives doing one job.But nowadays ,they change their jobs frequently.Please give the reasons and your suggestions.**  
  
The following is my essay:  
Despite of the fact that switching job is annoying or even traumatic, a large number of people still are job hopping every year. It is widely known that the common reasons of job hopping are lousy bosses, miserable salaries and hostile work environments. However , the most primary cause is always ignored by general public.  
  
The peak season of job hopping is mainly caused by the massive reformation of the contemporary society. The 21st century is characterized by the rapid rate of change.  
  
Nation around the world are experiencing dramatic shifts in their political, economic, social structures. There shifts have changed how people view job hopping. The views of staying in the same company for work promotion are long gone. Nowadays, neither employers nor employees directly link long service with loyalty. Business owner no longer think that the best measure of loyalty is the number of employers has worked by an individual. In contrast, they give priority on ensuring that employees are engaged and committed during the period they spend with them because they believe that it can be more stressfully to gain an efficient result. This mean the employees can be more easily to switch job and take charge of their own progression and development at their own pace.  
  
In sprite of the mutation is irresistible and irretrievable , the human resources managers still can improve the current situation. It should be noticed that sometime employees choose to leave because they discover that the jobs or the workplaces are far from what they have expected. The working hours are different with the promise ,the training or job prospect do not come through, and managers may have misrepresented pay offers. In order to decline the expected value of workers, the managers should provide a more complete picture about working in the company before the interview. Therefore, the employees can comprehend the actual working situation adequately.
In my opinion, you should firstly structure your essay into 4 clear passages: Introduction - Body 1 - Body 2 - Conclusion. In fact, the second passage in your essay should be removed or combined into other passages. Also, you need to have 1 or 2 sentences to conclude all your ideas, which will make your essay be more persuadable.  
  
Secondly, you should lengthen your sentences by using "which, that, etc." instead of writing too many single sentences. From that, it will look more academically.
Since this is your first Task 2 writing task, I can understand why the essay is not good at all. You need time to learn to write in English, develop your English vocabulary, and understand how a Task 2 essay should be formatted, depending on the discussion instructions. These are the main problem points of this essay that will lead it to a failing score.  
  
The explanations are difficult to understand. There is no clarity to the explanation due to improper sentence development and problematic vocabulary. You clearly show that you are highly unfamiliar with the use of the English language. You cannot form a simple sentence that would make sense to the examiner. You use terms you do not understand such as "in sprite of" , when the proper phrase is "in spite of". These types of GRA errors, which are continuously made throughout your essay will ensure that you get a failing GRA, LR, score. The C&C consideration will also fail because of the difficulty in understanding your sentence and paragraph presentations.  
  
I strongly urge you to not do any more Task 2 essays at this point. Instead, focus on sentence development exercises. By improving your sentence development skills, you will also increase your vocabulary usage. A properly developed sentence, which you need to learn to create, will mean that you will also be improving your vocabulary because you will learn to use specific words that will indicate what you mean to say or explain in your sentence. These exercises are available online for free.  
  
Focus on your main writing problem for now. Learn to write in English and use proper vocabulary first. Then start working on the IELTS essay practice essays.
Can you guys help me to fix this essay. thank a lot  
  
## Techology in education

  
  
These day, techology has become an important part of our lives. Using the techology in education which is no stranger to us. Personally, i think it can bring many advantages in education  
  
Techology can make lessons much more interesting . there is a large amount of information, software that you can find to supplement your studies. You can learn in many forms such as video, quizz, test online,.. that could help students interested but not as boring as traditional study.  
  
Students can learn online, they can study at their own places, whenever and wherever they want. This is very convenient, many lectures are recorded so if you do not understand at all, or when you are absent from your class, you can revise it many time. Therefore , your knowledge will be enhance.  
  
However, everything has two sides, people rely too much on electronic devices. This can lead to disconnect students from face-to-face relationships, they begin to shy to communicate each other.  
  
Because of every information sources online, so many students become lazy , they will lack of interest in hard work. Perhaps, people think that teachers are no longer necessary.  
  
In conclusion,i still strong agree with the good side of techology in education. Technology helps us a lot in every aspects in life. It is very useful in providing knowledge to us and become vital. We have to leads the technology , and dont let the technology leads us .
When you write a formal, academic essay, always aim to write at least 250 words. That is the required minimum for your presentation, regardless of whether you are writing for a class, or for an English language rating test. Your paragraphs need to have at least 3 sentences each because you are aiming to clearly explain each topic sentence to the reader using a variety of reasons, examples, and personal knowledge.  
  
Your discussion paragraphs lack clear topic sentences and are not fully explained to the reader. Additionally, you start some paragraphs with "because". That is unacceptable in proper English presentations as "because" is a connecting word that is always used in the middle of a sentence that aims to connect a cause and effect connected presentation in one sentence.  
  
You cannot use 2 punctuation marks, in this case a comma and ellipses in any type of grammar presentation. Use only one punctuation mark at the end of the sentence. Otherwise, the sentence is improperly formatted and will be considered grammatically wrong, with proper points deducted from your score for the lack of knowledge regarding English punctuation usage.  
  
Try to avoid memorized phrases such as "In conclusion". Be more creative in introducing your closing statement. You could instead say something like "Considering all of these factors..."
## starting learning a foreign language early

  
  
**Topic: Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?**  
  
Some educationists think that children starting learning a second language at primary school rather than secondary school is better for them. I completely agree with this view and will give my reasons below.  
  
The first reason is that children learn a foreign language more efficiently. According to biology theory, human brains are developing at younger ages, which means it allows children to absorb a large amount of new information in a short time. Therefore, children at primary school ages are equipped with enough amount of vocabulary and grammar well preparing for the next advanced courses when entering secondary school.  
  
The second reason is that it broadens their horizon more. Most younger people are less self-conscious and more open-minded to adopt novel concepts. Besides, it is unavoidable that when we learn other countries' languages, we also learn about their cultures at the same time. Hence, if people contact a variety of knowledge from their young age, they will have less chance to reject learning unfamiliar things when they grow up.  
  
However, it is true that there still are some disadvantages. One of the problems is that it easily causes confusion in younger learners when they are learning a mother tongue and a second language together. I think this can be made up by well trained teachers. Teachers in primary schools are qualified and know how to correct their students through a series of designed materials and methods.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that starting learning a foreign language at primary shcool age instead of secondary shool age has more benefits for children.
The question is not whether you agree or disagree. The question is whether you believe advantages outweigh the disadvantages. So this is not a comparison essay. This is a single opinion defense discussion. This is accomplished by allowing the writer to mention a perceived advantage as the topic paragraph of the reasoning paragraph, only to explain why this is actually a disadvantage in the end. So the format is:  
  
Sentence 1: Advantage / disadvantage topic (Depends upon what stance you have taken in the response paraphrase)  
Sentence 2: Why this is seen as an advantage / disadvantage  
Sentence 3: Why it isn't a true advantage / disadvantage  
Sentence 4: Example to support the claim  
Sentence 5: Additional supporting sentence or transition sentence into the next paragraph discussion topic  
  
The second reasoning paragraph should follow the same format. The conclusion should be longer than just a single sentence. The format is always 3-5 sentences per paragraph, regardless of whether it is a paraphrase, reason, or concluding paragraph. While you did write more than the required minimum, you have to understand that if you do not present the expected discussion, based on the instruction, the essay will have a hard time getting a passing score. Specially since there are existing spelling and grammar errors in your presentation, both of which will lower the final score of the presentation along with the lower TA score.
## The best way to get deep understanding about foreign cultures

  
  
*Some people think that it is necessary to travel abroad to learn about other countries, but other people think that it is not necessary to travel abroad because all the information can be seen at TV and the internet. Discuss both opinions and give your own opinion.*  
  
Considering the ongoing diversification in our society, people are now more interested to broaden their prospects about cultures of different nations. While many beleive that with the digital age, one can learn a lot about other countries without visit them, I would argue learning is possible but to a certain extend, it is required to visit the nations to fully learn about them.  
  
On the one side, with the rise in vlogging culture and the international Television Channels, it is possible to have first-hand experience about the life in any foreign country. The reason for this is, many vloggers record their whole day and post on the social platforms for others to experience their life. Especially within students, they can experience their whole day in foreign universities in advance without even visiting them. Furthermore, it has become a prevalent idea to install a 360 Degree on a tourist location and broadcast the feed on internet, which, as a result, allows people around the globe enjoy a virtual experience.  
  
Nevertheless, I would argue that although watching video's and reading blog is convenient but one cannot learn enough until they experience it in the real life. For illustration, it is not possible to learn a language by just reading books and listening tutorial, a pragmatic approach, such as interaction with native speaker's is required. Besides, internet lacks emotions. Argument goes that, eventhough their is plenty of information and clips available about nine-eleven, world trade center attacks, but you will only experience the real-pain and destruction after standing around ground zero.  
  
In conclusion, Despite the avalaibility of number of resource on internet to learn about any foreign destination, I beleive, physically presence is required to have the deep understanding about cultures and incidents.
You have the ptoential to become a good essay writer. You have the writing talent to achieve more than just a passing score. The problem, is that you disregard the discussion instructions fort he essay as indicated in the prompt requirements. This has caused you to discuss the essay based on your own topics rather than the indicated paragraph topics. The indicated discussion topics are:  
  
1. ...it is necessary to travel abroad to learn about other countries  
2. ... it is not necessary to travel abroad because all the information can be seen at TV and the internet.  
  
Your topics do not discuss these aforementioned information. You are instead discussing:  
1. Technology in relation to learning  
2. Language learning  
  
The focal point of the discussion is travel in relation to learning about countries. It is not focusing on travel in relation to student lives or learning requirements. These are not the required discussion topics as you can see from the above outline. Additionally, the essay instruction indicates: Discuss both opinions and give your own opinion. Meaning, this is a 5 paragraph essay. It should be represented by 2 individual discussions for each public point of view, and one paragraph explaining which of the two points of view you support.  
  
What you have presented does not indicate 2 public points of view. You have one general reference and one personal opinion. You are short by 1 comparison paragraph for the public point of view. That is not the expected discussion format.  
  
By the way, an opinion represents a discussion, not an argument. Never indicate an argument in these essays because nobody is arguing with you. There is no fight going on. There is only a comparison of opinions, which does not ever qualify as an argument. Try to change your concluding summary opening phrase. Avoid the use of the overused, memorized phrase "In conclusion". Try to change it up by using a different reference to a concluding summary. You could say "Looking back on the earlier discussion..." or "These 3 opinions represent..." or something like that. Just avoid using memorized phrases to help increase your GRA score.
## future of the buyer's-seller's market

  
  
Technology has changed the lifestyle of the world. It has proofed fruit-full to all kinds of the sector. Previously the shopping of any products ranging from groceries to cars and even properties required a personal visit, to the respective site; but things are changing by the invention of online platforms. It is predicted that sooner or later the shops in towns and cities will be closing, seeing the increasing traffic on the internet, which is explained in the below paragraphs.  
  
Firstly, the business models of selling products to the customer are changing rapidly. Most of the big brands are getting their product sold on online platforms. For example, Amazon and Flipkart, in India are the major giants on the internet who has all range of products; also the medicines can be bought online on uploading the prescription. It becomes easy for inventory management by sharing a typical warehouse instead of keeping their stock at each store. The brands like Nike, Puma, Adidas, etc. don't have to spend on massive rents in the malls instead can provide the same discounts to their patrons.  
  
Furthermore, Customers don't have to visit the malls and shop anymore, to get what they desire. It becomes easy to compare with all kind of choices as per their requirement. Additionally, it is less time consuming as one does not have to visit all shops and then make a decision on buying a product. In this pandemic scenario, it has proved that online shopping is the future of the buyer's-seller's market.  
  
The same shops can be utilized for managing the operations and customer services; this will eventually develop the balance of economic structure of the market; the same shop owners and workers have a source of income too.  
  
As discussed above, it is a win-win situation for both manufacturers as well as consumers in the market. Online shopping is the expected booming market soon.