dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Benefits of a Gap Year

  
  
At the present time, taking a gap year before entering university is the choice of many high school graduates . Doing this can be both beneficial and harmful.  
  
There are several benefits to taking a gap year. One advantage could be that taking a year off provides gappers opportunities to step out of their comfort zone and try out new things. This leads to traveling and working in different countries. Therefore, they can expand their knowledge and gain more real-life experiences. As a result, you will become more mature. Another beneficial could be that gap year helps students clarify their goals for school and work. So that, this allows they to choose the right university in the future.  
  
On the other hand, taking a year off brings certain disadvantages. Firstly, living far away from family and friends may make you get home sick as you struggle to adapt a new culture. Moreover, gappers lack support from family and friends and thus, they must deal with all of problems on their own. Secondly, planning a gap year is challenging. If students have lack of planning, their year off will be hurtful. So, they may easily feel depressed.  
  
In conclusion, although taking a gap year has advantages, it also has several drawbacks.
Hi Khanh,  
I think your essay is good when you presented a full structure of a paragraph. However, I have some opinion about your writing.  
  
1/ You have a lot of repeated words such as "gapper" "gap" "lack" etc  
2/ It appears to me like spoken English than written English. I could understand what you are discussing, but it less formal which is required in writing task.  
  
3/ You stated your idea clearly; however, it did not show a deep controversial in your essay, lack of detail and supportive opinion.
## contribute not only by paying taxes

  
  
**Some people think paying taxes is a big enough contribution to their society, while others think people have more responsibilities as members of society than only paying taxes.**  
  
People have different views on how to contribute to their societies. While some believe that paying taxes is fair enough, others including myself think that there are more responsibilities towards the society rather than just paying taxes.  
  
Paying taxes by citizens is deemed a good way to contribute to the society. People who agree with this concept believe that they are delegating the government to do all the work to the society on behalf of them using the collected taxes. The collected taxes are highly likely to be utilized in different useful aspects. For example, many taxes are used to improve the infrastructure, empower the educational system with advanced technology or enhance the healthcare sector. In addition, citizens who choose this way to contribute to their societies usually do not have the time or the experience to participate effectively. Such time and experience are equally important for an efficient productivity within any society.  
  
Conversely, people who oppose the previous concept have their convincing reasons. One key reason is getting the sense of community. Although they pay taxes which are mandatory by governments, they believe that more duties have to be done for their societies. For instance, criminals pay taxes to the government; however, their contribution does more harm than good. Thus, the best way to contribute rightfully to any society is by joining a community work or a charitable party that gives back to a society. Another reason is contributing to a society can pave the way for a better community than just by letting the government to do the work by taxing people. To cite an example, many people in the developing countries forcefully pay taxes to the governments but due to the corruption, their society does not benefit from the collected taxes.  
  
In conclusion, having discussed both views, I vehemently believe that in order to contribute effectively to any society, people should be actively involved in the contribution process itself rather than just paying taxes. Also, paying taxes does not necessarily mean that people or governments contribute rightfully to their respective societies.
*Topic: Some people regard video games as a harmless fun, or even as a useful education tool. Others, however believe that video games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the draw back of video games outweigh the benefits.*  
  
## video games evil influences

  
  
Nowadays video games are a familiar method for human beings to release. While I accept that this type of entertainment temporarily makes people happy , its disadvantages prevail far more than its advantages.  
  
To begin with, playing video games is incredibly detrimental to physical health. Focusing too excess on the monitors may impair eyesight which highly likely lead to an array of uncured eye diseases. People additionally struggle with their headaches providing they waste most of their time on the games. Furthermore, the gesture would be negatively affected since people have to sit to play game instead of going outside practicing exercises. There are more and more people all over the world, especially the yongter have troubles with their body only because they have no ideas how to be right in gesture on playing games.  
  
Equally importantly, video games provided harmful knowledge to those who frequently expose to them. This fact can be attributed to myriads of factors. For instant prostitution advertisements popping up when a person is playing video games may fascinate him to click unsafe websites. Thus, he may update his mind with some negative information - the seed of devaluing personality. Besides, game online addiction is not a less dangerous problem. If people are induced in digital game, they will be in their dream that they are living another magic world . This situation prevents additive players from being social with their beloved ones. Nobody can predict or understand what they behave once they deeply live in the life of video game platform.  
  
By way of conclusion, although video games still have their places for those who are in need of relaxing, their evil influences are undeniably overwhelmed the strong points.
Nguyen, this is one essay that should have been approached from a personal point of view / personal experience regarding the negative effect of videogames. Remember, the essay is asking "in your opinion", which negates the need for researched information, which you cannot do anyway during the pencil based test. Now, you ended up over discussing the essay topic to a certain extent because you chose to only present discussion points rather than fully developed essay reasoning paragraphs. This means that all of your C&C requirements in terms of clarity and conciseness were not met in the presentation. Therefore, your score for this essay may not be one that could be considered as passing.  
  
You have the right number of paragraphs for the discussion , but there are certain instances, such as in the 3rd paragraph when you went over the maximum number of sentence per paragraph which is 5 sentences. You cannot present less than 3 per paragraph. As a first attempt, this essay shows your potential but a lack of clear understanding of how the prompt is to be discussed I do not doubt that you will be able to show improvements with your next essay once you read the examples for Task 2 essay writing at this forum.
No, do not use any researched references for this type of opinion essay. As I previously explained, this is a pen and paper test. You will not have any access to computers or internet connected gadgets. Therefore, you must rely on your personal opinion and examples from your own experience or the experience of people that you know.  
  
Disregard the advice of Nicole as she did not know that you are writing an IELTS essay. Her advice is useful for writing academic research papers in a class setting and should not be take authoritatively at this point in relation to an IELTS test. She is unfamiliar with the IELTS essay test requirements. Her advice was based on academic requirements, not IELTS test requirements.  
  
Use personal experience examples whenever required. Never researched information because you cannot do any research during the actual test. Practice as if you are taking the actual test. No research at all. Just use publicly known opinion, personal experience, and / or personal knowledge to justify your reasons within any form of discussion in a Task 2 essay. For this essay, you can say, "Based on my personal experience as an RPG gamer, I found that after playing for more than 4 hours per day, my eyesight..."
## experiencing new places and conditions in the world

  
  
***Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert and the Antarctic.  
what are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places?***  
  
Recently, it became increasingly for tourists to travel to places where harsh lives are. Like the Sahara and the Antarctic. This essay will state the advantage behind such action as experiencing new places and conditions in the world. Also, the downside that is represented by jeopardizing themselves within the unknowns.  
  
It cannot be disputed that visiting places in which tough conditions are, is considered a new life experience. Deserts and icy poles are different habitats, new kind of animals are there, and new adaptations methods are followed by the people who lives there that could open your eyes about the diversity of life within only one planet . For example, in my visit to the Antarctic 8 years ago, I stayed with a family there for 3 days, we cooked what we hunted and turned fire by woods.  
  
However, the amount of danger in such places cannot be predicted. When going to difficult environments you are jeopardizing yourself through the unknown, these places are poor in professional facilities that you might need if you got injured, which could occur easily. For instance, in 1988, a campaign of scientists was sent by the UK to the north pole to study the extinction of polar bears, one member of the staff got a stroke and died due to lake of immediate professional care.  
  
In conclusion, visiting odd places with difficult condition is an amazing adventure that could change a lot in your life. On the other hand, it would be extremely dangerous if something wrong went there and help could not be received.
PARAGRAPH 1:  
There is a word (I suppose an adjective) missing from the first sentence "...increasingly\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ for tourists....like the Sahara ..."  
You cannot use "Like the Sahara and the Atlantic" as a sentence since it is not one. So please merge it into your first sentence.  
  
"...conditions in the world **along with** the downside..."  
  
PARAGRAPH 2:  
places where tough conditions exist...  
"For example, in my visit to the Antarctic ..." **How did your personal experience serve to "open your eyes about the diversity of life" Please explain this to the reader since you mentioned it in the preceding sentence**  
  
PARAGRAPH 3:  
You should consider omitting the word "However" and stating something like "while the experience can be wonderful..." the numerous dangers...are unpredictable."  
Instead of "these places are poor in professional facilities" consider saying "these places lack proper medical facilities"
Amal, The good news is that you have proven that you can understand complex English discussion presentations. However, I must stop you from writing practice essays at this point. You have an extreme difficulty in presenting your discussions in every paragraph because of an obvious lack of sentence structure development ability. These sentences all sound like these were translated from your mother tongue into English. Which is why your explanations seem to be confusing. However, the structure it is presented in clues me in on the fact that your sentence, based on your native tongue, probably made more sense.  
  
You must not continue to practice writing test essays until you have gotten a hang of writing in English. That means increasing your sentence development lessons / exercises and reading more English texts. That way, you will learn how to properly develop and present the discussion in fluent English. The sentence development lessons will be most helpful to you since those exercises force you to read, listen, and think in English before you write. These exercises will help you develop the fluency that you currently lack.  
  
I refuse to judge your English writing abilities based on this first essay. This is not really reflective of your actual ability to perform in the test. Only after a specific amount of time doing sentence development exercises should you venture into writing another essay. Practice for about a month before you write another essay. You should be better at developing and presenting your sentences by then.
Hi @amal\_yaddy,  
  
I agree completely with what @Holt has said. In my honest opinion, I believe your level is not more than 5 as a band score. Here is some tips for you to improve your writing in task 2:  
  
1. When you write the sentence "this essay will blah blah ...", this sentence might be considered a memorized sentence and the examiner could deduct the number of words in this particular sentence from your total essay's word count. In that case, if your essay has 260 words, definitely you will be under the word count which is 250 words.  
  
2. Use a clear topic sentence for each body paragraph.  
  
3. Read more about complex and compound sentences and the correct use within paragraphs.  
  
4. Use some realistic examples that would support your view.  
  
Good luck
## the type of support needed the most

  
  
*Developing countries require help offered by international organizations to ensure healthy and sustainable development. Some people think that financial help is important. Others believe that practical aid and advice is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.*  
  
Concerning aid provided by organizations to help developing countries achieve sustainable development. some people believe financial support is more important than practical help and advice while others hold the opposite opinion. In this essay, I will discuss both views and elaborate on my thoughts.  
  
To provide money is crucial to development in various ways. To start with, giving money means the country has self-determination rights on how they want to improve, regarding infrastructure, education and so much more. In addition, money instead of free objects and stimulate the domestic economy, leading to a healthy market mechanism.  
  
On the other hand, giving out practical help such as food, skill training, and medical service is also important. Firstly, if one nation is underdeveloped, there might be things that could not be bought, for instance, medical equipment. Secondly, empowering people through various kinds of training can make people have the ability to change his/her life on his own. In fact, when people only receive can and free stuff, welfare dependency might be acquired, depriving one's awareness to work form himself.  
  
Taking both views into consideration, I believe both ways of helping are equally vital. How these two methods put into practice for the benefit of the nation is a difficult but certainly significant issue every international organization should constantly think about.  
  
In conclusion, there are many reasons why people argue that whether financial or practical help is more important while I believe they are crucial in the same way.
Shi, I have to say that even though your broken English is a bit hard to get through during the first reading (it took me 2 readings to finally understand what you are trying to say within the whole essay), you are making some very valid and good points in the presentation. I believe that you have a good understanding of the English language, but a difficult time expressing yourself in English. Therefore, you must do more English sentence development exercises such as multiple choice and fill in the blank sentence completion exercises online. These are available for free as apps or on grammar websites.  
  
Just remember that you need to consistently present a 3-5 sentence structure per paragraph in order to create a higher possible score for yourself under the C&C consideration. That means, you should clearly explain a single topic per paragraph. The 3 -5 sentence requirement represents the number of sentences that comprise a complete paragraph.  
  
Basically, this is a unique discussion that, for the first time actually took a stance of unique presentation to the reader. I have not seen an essay discussed this way yet for this topic so, if you can just improve your sentence development skills, I strongly believe that you will score highly in this type of test.
I think you should give your opinion in the opening like : While people think.... I personally believe.... Remember that the topic require you to discuss both of view and give your opinion. So, let us see what your point of view  
  
"giving money means the country ..." = Financing emergent nations enables them to have ....(I think it is clearer to understand).  
  
"... of free objects ~~and stimulate~~ (**stimulate/promptly stimulate**) the domestic ...". This sentence is hard to follow.
## mental issues caused sometimes by heavily Internet usage

  
  
The Internet gives us many benefits and convenience. It totally changes our lifestyle. Following the Internet, it also brings an enormous problem to society, and there are many effects that we can't be predicted. Therefore, an understanding of the causes and a discussion of methods to deal with this issue is important.  
  
The biggest reason is the Internet is too convenient, it can easy to post and get any information. People also need not use a real name on the internet and do not have to responsible for the behavior, there are no rule and law, although some website has a security system to prevent, people just need to set up the new account.  
  
The biggest problem is a mental issue, people getting more and more pressure and anxiety from the Internet. A lot of people like to bully and judge others on the Internet, even do not know the truth, just following others. This can cause huge pressure on people who were bullied from online. There are too many fake news on the Internet that content let human feel uncomfortable.So mental problems are the most serious problem.  
  
Here I will give suggestion to deal with this issue. Every government needs to create the laws for the Internet and conduct strictly. Tracking who is the first person to spread the information , and punish the website which does not post real news.
Lee, your presentation is way off base when considering the required discussion presentation. You did an introduction to the topic twice instead of a single prompt paraphrase for this 4 paragraph essay. Your 4 paragraphs should be composed of:  
  
1. Prompt restatement  
2. One problem reference  
3. One solution reference  
4. Concluding summary that repeats the information from the first 3 paragraphs in a new presentation.  
  
The biggest writing problem that you have in this essay is your inability to divide your paragraphs into sentences. By using run on sentences in every paragraph, you do not accomplish the required 3-5 sentence discussion structure per paragraph. Without the proper discussion format, your essay not get a passing score in the GRA section.  
  
Overall, because of the combined TA, LR, C&C, and GRA problems in this essay, there is no possibility that this will get a passing score in an actual setting. You have to read the other examples located in this forum for the task 2 essay so that you can get a better idea as to how to develop and present your response essays.
## pick subjects related to your future work

  
  
In today's world, Choosing fields suitable for each person when we study higher education has been always a matter of great concern. There are a volume of opinions that Undergraduates have their own choice to make a decision which subjects they want to study, whereas others deen a strong belief that they should study some subjects like technology or science in order to put into practice in the future career and have job opportunities. In this essay, I will support and give some examples.  
  
To commence with, Deciding to study the subjects of your choice is generally more beneficial. As a matter of fact, Your passion in something can help you work and study effectively, also this can develop a range of experience and skils when you study in a favourable conditions. For instance, like a famous CEO who invented apple said " the only way to do great work is to love what you do". Moreover, a students is a person who have a great of aspiration and passion to develop themselves and want to change the world, achieve success in their own fields is possible when you try your best.  
  
On the other hand, Some people think that we should be realistic in this issue to study some subjects will be helpful in the future. In others word, Technology or science is a powerful tool to not only communicate friends, partners in over the world in business but also keep pace with globalization and create many employment opportunities. As a result, A wide range of job related to STEAM fields create a lot of employment prospects, so you can easily have a defined career path and well-paid when choosing to study subjects related to society issues. To illustrate, in some developed countries, they always give their priority to postgraduate having a STEAM degree to work and devote for their nation, because of the development of state depend on technology and science.  
  
In conclusion, it can be affirmed that both sides have its own merrits. Although some people prefer to study subjects they love, others think it would choose fields depend on having a security job. Personally, I believe we should study subjects can help you have a good jobs and develop their career.