dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Topic: nowadays the way people interact with each other has changed because of technology.  
In what ways has technology affected the type of relationships that people make? Has this been a positive or negative development  
  
## the technological development existence in the social interaction

  
  
Recent year, technological development has changed all aspects of human beings, and our relationship is no exception. Technology has affected the way we interact with each other in various way, and in my opinion, it has both merits and drawbacks.  
  
Technology has many impacts on communicating. Firstly, it has allowed us interact with each other without face - to - face. People nowadays just stay behind the screen and then can conncect to all corner of the global throughout several application like Skype or Snapchat. Secondly, ttthe whole world has been minimized by social network expansion. In fact, there is no more distant limitation to connect people; and via Facebook or Reddit, meeting and creating more new relationship is more simple than ever.  
  
Technology benefits our communication from many positive ways. Far distance is no longer a limitation to prevent us from interacting together. By attending online meeting, we do not have to commute to gather together, which save us both time and money. Therefore, it opens a basic road to increasingly develop global cooperation in almost aspects like economy, education, environment,... on constrast, many demerits caused by technology on our relationship need to be mentioned. Firstly, " virtual " relationship has gradually altered real one. People no longer appreciate face - to- face meeting rather than sticking on screen. Secondly, reality shows that " virtual relationship" is too fragile, and over reliance on it would damage our social life, where nothing seems unsecured.  
  
In conclusion, by applying technological development on our social interaction, we have got both negative and positive effects. We should balance them to successfully manage our life in industrializing ages
@aitruong This is not a comparison essay. This is a single opinion essay that should have focused on one topic for discussion. Either you see this as a positive or as a negative development. The discussion is not about merits and drawbacks. Or, it could be, depending upon which side you wished to focus your opinion on. Please remember that all Task 2 essays are single opinion essays. This essay is asking you to choose between the two because of the word "or" in between the words positive and negative. Or signifies a choice to be made in your discussion presentation, something you failed to do in this essay which means your response is only partially in accordance with the instructions provided.  
  
You showed a lack of care in the development of your essay. You have multiple grammar and punctuation mistakes such as using lowercase letters when it should have been uppercase. Using ellipses when a period should have been used. And pressing the same letter "t" several times on the keyboard to start the spelling of a word that needed only one letter "t" at the start to spell it out. These GRA mistakes will have serious repercussions on your essay once the points deductions are applied to it.  
  
Over all, this was a good attempt at showing your potential to understand, analyze, and write in the English language. You should be able to show further improvement with your upcoming essays if you apply the corrections you have received for this particular essay.
*Some people told that can you learn more about another country by watching television programmes and films about it than by actually visiting it.  
How true is the statement? is there anything you can learn about another country by visiting it and you can not learn by watching programmes and fimls about it.  
  
Give reasons for your answers and included any relevant examples or from your own experience.*  
  
## expanding knowledge from electronic media

  
  
The answer:  
  
In this day, most people use TV to seeking information from anything they curious about ouside their country and get more understanding. it's used to for studies or making future plan. So I totally agree with this case.  
  
All things people learned from watching programmes and films which is very usefull with most information we seeking is good for the research and able to fill up our knowledge. Nevertheless, the information of social media like a " tip of the iceberg", and usually trick by the plenty of deceitful news, so that people neeed search carefully. However, the shows or movies are good for acquiring about culture, lifestyle, weather, and environment especially necessary for people fancy to travel overseas.  
  
Recently, many people wih to travel simply nothing their can do if do not have times, financial, and healthy to make a real trip once. so they able to create a journey on the screen with tons of beautiful scenes onn TV and fulfill of desire at that moment. Even now, I wish to go to Sweden at once. notwithstanding " the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak", however, I will seek everything to Sweden and cautious arrangerments for this plan.  
  
Summaries, people still learning on TV or the internet in the main means to expand knowledge and earn plethora of benefit if without have time to real experiences.
Hi, @jasonnguyen  
  
Your essay confuses me.  
  
Maybe you want to follow this rule for a better essay:  
  
1 - Heading. Discuss a bit of history of the subject, which is in this case, the TV ( when was it developed, what is its purpose, etc.)  
  
2 - Advantages of TV (That's where you answer it with things you mentioned)  
  
3 - Disadvantages of TV (Talk about the negatives sides you get from watching TV - fake news, the malicious spread of information for instance)  
  
4 - Close and Summarize (What do we have to do in order for us to maximize everything that TV offers or provides its users)  
  
P.S. Please also work on your grammar usage.  
  
Hope this helps!
Nguyen, your essay is taking a totally different approach to the given discussion for several reasons. For starters, you are being asked how true the statement being presented in the original discussion is. Therefore, this is not an agree or disagree discussion. Rather, this is a "true or false" discussion. That means your thesis statement should have indicated something similar to:  
  
*I believe in the truth of this statement for a number of reasons.*  
  
By indicating that you totally agree with the statement, you have turned the essay prompt into an "extent" essay, which was not indicated in the original statement. That means, you changed the prompt discussion accidentally and you will have to be given points deductions because of it.  
  
There is also the matter of the prompt indicating the topic as being related to how people learn about another country by watching film and TV programs rather than actually visiting it. However, your discussion in the first half shows that you are discussing anything but the topic presented. Your discussion ranged from research information for knowledge concerns, fake news, and other similar themes. However the last sentence of your second paragraph does fall into line with the given prompt. The problem, is that the overall paragraph reference does not discuss related issues due to the deviating topics you presented in the discussion.  
  
It is good though that your next paragraph was more related to the prompt requirements so you will not receive a too significant amount of points deductions for the TA score. However, you did not represent any personal experience in the discussion in relation to the topic so you will receive more deductions for that lack of topic representation. Add that the prompt deviation and, all things considered, I do not believe that you would be able to muster enough points to get a passing score with this essay.
**Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important  
  
## Discuss both sides and give your opinion**  
  
Some people believe that graduation from university is the key to a fulfilling career. Others think that it is more important for young people to gain as much experience and many soft skills as possible. From my perspective, the success of each person is a combination of the acquisition of hard skills and soft skills when they are young.  
  
Studying in university, students have the chance to enjoy a professional education, after which they receive a legal certificate. This is of great importance when it comes to occupations that demand professionalism. Take my cousin as an example. He became a graduate of University of Economics HCMC - a prestigious university in Vietnam - in 2005. Currently, he is doing a remunerative job as an auditor. However, in order to be presented the degree, students have to study enormous amounts of theoretical knowledge, some of which, at times, can't be applied into reality. As a result, they lack some relevant skills for their desirable job - the job they are preparing for.  
  
Getting experience and developing soft skills contribute significantly to strengthen emotional intelligence which increases one's adaptability and resilience when coming to new environments. It is very likely that those who have higher EQ will be accepted and achieve success faster when entering the job market because they know how to get on well with others and always propel themselves forward. Nevertheless, one of the unavoidable disadvantages, if people do not finish their university study, is that these people occasionally lose the invaluable opportunities as they fail to satisfy the companies' criteria in terms of solid education. They lack the bachelor degree to apply for highly-paid employment.  
  
In my opinion, every student should try to strike the balance between studying hard to graduate from university and acquiring sufficient experience and soft skills because both are equally important for a student to become a brilliant job seeker.
Hi, I think your essay displays great mastery of the English language. You have addressed the prompt well and your essay is clearly organized. Here are some specific suggestions:  
  
after which they receive a legal certificate. {to me, a diploma is not really "a legal certificate" }  
  
occupations that demand professionalism. {maybe "professional credentials" is better, since you are talking about certifications and so on}  
  
He became a graduate of {"became a graduate of" sounds needlessly verbose - why not, "He graduated from the University ..."}  
  
Currently, he is doing a remunerative job {"doing a remunerative job" sounds very unnatural and awkward to me - maybe "he is enjoying a profitable career as ..."} ..., can't {avoid contractions in formal essays} be applied into reality.{"into reality" sounds odd to me - maybe "applied in practical settings"}  
  
... their desired job - the job they are preparing for.  
  
... when coming to {"when entering new ..." seems better} new environments.  
  
those who have higher EQ {I am not sure the grader will know what EQ refers to - I would give a short description}  
  
... finish their university study, {"studies" is better here}  
  
... in terms of a solid education. In other words,they lack the bachelor degree, which is necessary to apply for ...
Duc, while your opening paraphrase was excellent, your body of paragraphs were lacking in the proper representation of the prompt requirements. When you are directed to discuss both points of view, the points of view to be presented should be based upon public opinion and examples. It should not be based on personal opinions and personal examples as these are to be presented in the personal point of view paragraph instead. What happened in your essay is that you ended up discussing both points of view from a personal opinion rather than a general discussion of an academic statement.  
  
There must be public and private ownership of the opinions presented. This is done by indicating:  
  
*Those who believe that a college degree is the key to a better paying job are mostly those who...  
  
While those who think that experience and soft skills are more important tend to reason that...  
  
All things considered though, my point of view is that...*  
  
Using the above presentation better clarifies whose opinions are being presented in the essay since it is a comparison essay discussion. The personal opinion is not well placed as a concluding paragraph as the concluding paragraph needs to be a simple restatement of your prompt paraphrase with a repeat of the thesis statement in a concluding form. That would be the restatement of your personal opinion in short form.  
  
Additionally, you should avoid repeating phrases from the original presentation as you did with  
  
getting experience and developing soft skills  
Your ability to represent the same thought, in a different manner using similar English terms will earn you a higher LR score. In this instance, I would have instead written it as:  
  
*There are certain professionals who climbed the success ladder in their profession through hands on experience based on practical job training...*  
  
Since I was able to show that I have the analytical ability to represent the same thought process using a different presentation, the examiner will tend to score me higher on the English word usage score. It shows the degree of complexity of your English language and the meaning of the words. You know the proper meaning of the words to use it in the proper context in a similar presentation.
## a dog or cat as a part of family

  
  
Nowadays , Many people are very busy with their job , Whereas they have a family who accompany them , However , most of them keep dogs and cats as companion ,there are many advantages and disadvantages of pet ownership , but disadvantages outweigh the advantages.  
  
One of the advantages is security, pets , dogs or cats can be a guard for keepng our house from robber , they also give us signal when there are someone who come in our house without permission , therefore , we will fell safety from robber. On the other hand , Altough pets can be security for our house we should spend much money for taking care and feeding them. Every years, pets certain need a food for grow up, and it will be duty for ownership to care over time. Thus , indirectly we spent much money just for pets, in contrast , if one month we give a security fee only about Rp 1.5 billion but Rp 2 billion should be spent by ownership for taking and feeding the pet  
  
Furthermore, the other benefits of pet ownership is entertainment, when pet ownership go home from their job, playing with their pets could be stress relief for them due to the job bustle. But in most couses , cats and dogs can give a infectious disease to the ownership , there are foxo in cat and rabies in dog. advisable we are doing other sterss relief but we are more safety than we get stress relief from pets which giving us infectious disease.  
  
In conclude ,Due to the advantages of keeping pets have the weakness , the advantages of keep dogs and cats as companion outweigh the disadvantages.
*Scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the governments rather than private companies. Do you agree or disagree?*  
  
## scientific research - by government or by private companies?

  
  
It is commonly believed that the governments should be in charge of activities related to scientific research in lieu of private firms. I completely agree with this view.  
  
On the one hand, the aforementioned solution could be effective due to the fact that there are a multitude of dangers created from scientific work, which is operated by private business. The principal reason here is that the companies virtually gravitate towards concerning their productivities and profits and totally ignore the harmful effects of these researches. For example, the use of animals in scientific and medical research has been a subject of heated debate for many years. In spite of its unavoidable benefits, some companies would carry out their research on animals illegally, leading to the serious degradation of ecosystems. Therefore, it seems sensible that private firms should not be empowered to manage the scientific research.  
  
On the other hand, I firmly believe that the governments could adopt essential policies to operate the research effectively. One of the feasible methods is that universities specialized on science would be authorized to conduct high quality research. Accordingly, their professors and students with expertise in specific field could apparently partake in the research's progress and share their knowledge. Moreover, the authorities should allocate funding on the prior area of research. For example, the past decade has witnessed the great advantage of renewable energy, such as the invention of motorcycle using solar power, which would actually change the world, meaning that it could help reduce the gas emissions and air pollution.  
  
In conclusion, I strongly agree with the standpoint that the government should bear the responsibility for scientific research.  
  
this is my first essay posted here. hope u guys can read it and give me some advice to correct my mistakes, and estimate band score if possible. Many thanks
Hamster, this essay is not written in the correct format. This is a single opinion, agree or disagree essay. It is not an emotional essay either since the question does not pose an "extent" question. As such, the response you have written is only partially correct due to the incorrect format applied to the discussion. All IELTS Task 2 essays as single opinion discussion presentations on the writers part unless the specific instruction of "discuss both points of view" is provided in the original discussion.  
  
Therefore, this essay should have focused its 3 body paragraph development on the basis of your simple agreement with the given topic. There was no need to exaggerate your response with "completely" or "strongly" as the essay did not require that in the presentation. By doing so, you created a prompt deviation which led to the scoring down of your overall essay. Based on these observations in your work, I believe that the most appropriate score that this can receive is no more than a 4.  
  
However, the main reason for the major points deduction is the "both points of view" discussion that you decided to present. This ran counter to the expected response format, which was the development of the reasons that support your agreement with the aforementioned statement. Do not discuss the essay in a manner that runs counter to the original presentation. That is the most common mistake made by students when responding to the Task 2 essay. That is also normally the reason why the student gets a failing score in the test.
essay: causes and solutions  
  
Dear reviewers,  
Please comment, and if possible, estimate the band score for my IELTS academic writing 2 essay. Thanks in advance!  
  
*Influence of human being on the world's ecosystem is leading to the extinction of species and loss of bio-diversity.  
What are the primary causes of loss of bio-diversity? What solutions can you suggest?*  
  
In our times, a staggering number of animal and plant species is facing the threat of becoming extinct due to human activities. This essay will examine the main reasons for this phenomenon and ways to tackle the problem will be analysed.  
  
The first cause of the diminishing diversity of biological life is pollution. Land, water, air and nuclear pollution contribute significantly to the global warming issue, which directly affects the wildlife. Many animals are unable to live under higher temperature. An example is polar bear who cannot survive in the poles with melted iceberg and limited food supply. Another factor is deforestation for wood logging and city development. Without vegetation, the animals' habitat is totally destroyed. Thus, living things find it hard to exist or reproduce and become endangered.  
  
To remedy the situation of wildlife extinction, the public awareness of environmental protection should be raised. More educational promotion has to be done to instill to the citizens the importance of being eco-friendly. People should be reminded that the temperature of air-conditioner should be set at 25.5 degree Celsius to lessen the negative effects of global warming. Another possible solution is more stringent laws and regulations. The government should set up fines for polluters with the polluters pay principle. This can be illustrated by laws requiring factories to pay according to the waste produced in a certain period of time. This aims at reducing the level of pollution.  
  
In conclusion, the major human causes to the depletion of flora and fauna include serious pollution and cutting of trees. To protect our ecosystem, we should be more aware of protecting the earth.
*Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes, and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions on matters affecting them.  
  
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.*  
  
## protective parents and children's ability to make their own choices

  
  
Nowadays, many people claim that the young ages have their choices to choose their lifestyle e.g (cuisine, shirt, and unwind activities). As a result, it will make their youngster only think about what they want. However, people argue that it is very crucial to the youth to make a choice that will influence them.  
  
On the one sight, many parents give the permission to their child to take what they want. This is because to create their confidence when they are growing up. For instance, children when they are buying food, shirt or going to the some places, they can choose by themselves without waiting their parents decision where it might be taking a long time and will protect their freedom. In addition, nothing permission from their parents it would be children over control. For this reason, the youngster does not think about the effect of choosing unhealthy food, impolite dress, and visit a forbidden place. This case should be solved, parents not only give the youth freedom but also give understanding when they choose something.  
  
On the other hand, most of the young children are protected by their parents to make a decision. This is because to safe they from the bad environment. In the young age, children need parents guidance to take something which one is good or bad. However, the strict control from the parents that will make a bad impact on the children character. For instance, children will be lack of confident when they are hanging out with some friends or choosing one thing they want to buy or visit. In case, this should be focused on parents decision which is children not only need the protection but also should give they are learning how to take a good decision.  
  
In conclusion, both of the opinion has plus and minus, people need to concern to the what the children want and making decision when they need to choose something. My opinion is the good way to avoid the youth from over control and parents' protective is hearing what they want and give the suggestion to them which one is better or worse.