dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Thi, the prompt paraphrase is incorrect for this essay. You are supposed to reflect that this is a 3 point of view essay as part of the thesis statement. The correct final sentence should be:  
  
*It is important that both points of view be compared so that I can develop a personal stand regarding this topic.*  
  
What was created above is an original thesis statement that includes the full instruction of the original prompt in a manner that is highly different from the original prompt but still presents the required discussion instruction.  
  
Due to the lacking reference phrases that gave the reader an understanding of which public point of view is being discussed, the essay comes across, from beginning to end as a personal opinion discussion. Therefore, the essay is not task accurate and will be scored based on that basis. The score will not be a passing one for this essay because of the TA failure on your part.  
  
The reasoning is good but not properly presented. That is the main issue with this essay. Your reasoning could be helped if you learn how to use transition sentences or phrases to help the reader prepare for the change in discussion. For example; "... threat to human kind. With robots slowly taking over human jobs it is possible that these AI machines will take over..." That makes the introduction and transition from the topic sentence to the actual discussion smoother and clearer to the reader.  
  
With enough practice and proper guidance, I know that you will begin to show improvement in your Task 2 writing. You have the ability, you just need to be guided towards that goal. That will come with time and practice.
Hi everyone , this is my first time I post in this community and also my first writing taks 2 for the ielt test . I am very appreciated if guys can support for me to correct my any mistakes in this .  
  
**TOPIC : Organized tour to remote areas and community is increasingly popular . It is a positive or negative development the local people and the environment ?**  
  
## the popularity of trips to distant destinations

  
  
In the present days , package-tours is created visiting to many distant destinations or mountainous areas , which increasingly was catching on . In spite of this development is beneficial economy in the local residents but still have many potential impacts on others side instead .  
  
First of all , I strongly support that the benefits is hugely bring to resident by creating employments and job markets to increase the stable income for majority of local residents . Beside , the visitors from the organized tour especially from foreign countries who help to open opportunities to learn many foreign languages or cultures supporting to open the knowledges or more easily earn money leading to little by little boost the living standard for those area .  
  
But in the other hand , having many building or infrastructure for travelling purposes can be lead to some of the detriments , which is damaged to local species and loss of habitat . Also , just minority of hordes of tourist have some of bad awareness of protecting the nature can extremely exert influence on the environment . And with the bad behaviours from them can lead to some serious traffickings or even to accidents .  
  
In sum , although the advantages from organized tour to remote destinations could bring about , it is more likely to bring up many bad impacts on the local people and the environment .
In spite of this, development = pay attention to the punctuation  
  
the detriments ~~, which is~~  damaged to ... = it can be erased to make it short sentence  
  
But ~~in~~ on the other hand  
  
... the environment ~~. And~~ with the bad ... = 'And' can not stand after the point, this is simple sentence, so directly to make like this ''Also , just minority (...) the environment and with the bad ...
Bao, your opening paraphrase does not make any sense. Please remember that the essay is speaking in terms of the present hence your time reference should also be in the present. terms such as "...increasingly was catching on" should be written as "increasingly catching on." with the -ing part signifying that this practice is still ongoing. Additionally, the paraphrase is faulty because you are being asked if this is a positive or negative development and rather than saying "positive" or "negative" you claim "potential impacts" instead. Which does not respond to the question in the original prompt.  
  
Your reasoning paragraphs are incorrect as well because this is a single opinion, not a comparison essay. That is evidenced by the "OR" selection for the positive or negative effects of the given discussion. As such, you have failed to properly discuss the given discussion based on the required presentation coming from the instructions.  
  
Therefore, aside from the problematic grammar presentation, there is also an English comprehension problem involved. You need to brush up on your English comprehension lessons so you can develop your ability to understand English sentences better. Try reading English based comic books that have the comic panels showing the reader exactly what the dialogue in the instruction is showing. That is one way of better understanding the English sentences in reference to action statements. Action statements in the Task 2 essay can be interpreted as the discussion instruction so you should be able to develop your understanding of the English instructions using that method of reading practice.
## money management skills

  
  
*Learning to manage money is one of the key aspects of adult life*  
  
Budgeting finance is obviously something people must know well to maintain a stable life. To have ability to manage money, people can not learn a day or two but for a long time. In this essay, I will discuss two ways in which people can learn to control their budget of money.  
  
The first one is starting to learn how to earn and spend money from the early age. Parents should be good examples for their kids to follow. Children may notice of how their parents spend and save money. By giving children allowance, parents teach them how to make financial decisions. Some people say that it is not good to let children use money but I think a child well-equipped with financial management skills will be able to deal with money challenges in the future.  
  
Another way is teaching children to earn money when they are still students. Nowadays, many children have their own budget which is earned on their own. Although the money they have is not a great deal, it is enough for their necessity. These kids not only don't have to depend on their parents but also have ability to budget their finances effectively. Some of my friends can earn money from the early and they can buy anything they want without asked their parents for money.  
  
To conclude, earing money and budgeting finances are not easy tasks but they are important to anyone's life and it is clear that people can build up skills for managing money since they are still children.
## keep the balance

  
  
It has become distinct that health is one of the most important objects during college students' daily lives. It is acceptable to divide the concept of health into two parts, one is physical health, another is mental health. In order to keep healthy in university, students should balance both them well regardless of how high the academic pressure is. On the one hand, physical health is depended on the time management of students. Firstly, studying or playing games round the clock is the obstruction of the healthy gates, so it is important that to build an effective bedtime routine such as keeping early hours. Secondly, students should free them up to work out, which can stimulate their physical potentials. On the other hand, mental health even has more positive influences on keeping healthy. Actually, the life which only has unhurried self study is extensively enjoyed by a large proportion of the freshmen who still do not have a clear-cut pursuit, so ambition and aspiration are the standard crucial to fill their empty spiritual culture instead of only playing cellphone. In conclusion, college students ought to have an appropriate balance between physical and mental healthy simultaneously to keep healthy in university.
Li, even though your one paragraph presentation has grammatical errors, the mistakes are not so severe that the message of the sentence is lost. Your thought process still comes across clearly to the reader. The discussion makes sense and offers an ESL insight into the topic. You should be happy that you were able to write this paragraph in a manner that makes yourself understood. That is not to say though that you should not work on perfecting your sentence structures. On the contrary, you should work even harder by doing more sentence structure exercises to help you become even better at writing. Some fill in the blank exercises that ask you to complete a sentence will help you with the sentence structure lessons. If you can do those exercises, then you can expect to write a better one paragraph presentation next time. Good job!
*Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they released from prison. What do you think are the causes for this?  
What possible solutions can you suggest?*  
  
## Repeat Offenders

  
  
That a lot of offenders repeat crimes after being liberated from jail is a growing concern for society. Several causes and feasible measures of this phenomenon will be covered in this essay.  
  
There are some factors contributing to this context. First of all, rehabilitation programs in prisons are barren. In other words, keeping law-breakers in a cage cannot change their minds since they do not repent of serious consequences they have caused to the community and themselves. Furthermore, those who have been sentenced to prison frequently receive the alienation from other people. As a result, seeking employment is definitely difficult for them, leading to their recidivism in order to avoid poverty.  
  
With the aim of mitigating this issue, a number of actions should be taken into consideration. To begin with, the government needs to improve the quality of the re-education process. For instance, convicts should be equipped with moral lessons to make them recognize their guilt and behave ethically, social skills as well as vocational training to help them earn incomes as soon as they are discharged. In addition, more and more campaigns and extracurricular activities should be organized to change citizens' attitudes towards released criminals. By this way, the public can understand the psychological pressure of the prisoners, renounce the stigma and alienation, and show their generosity to the contrition of internees. Therefore, those people are likely to have a better life afterwards.  
  
To summarize, despite various reasons why law-breakers backslide, I am convinced that the state and community should be involved in precluding ex-offenders from relapsing into crimes.
Thanh, in the prompt paraphrase, you should have outlined the discussion to come based on your direct response to the given questions. Please remember that where questions that do not ask for a opinion are given in a Task 2 essay, a direct response of one sentence per question must be given as part of the thesis restatement in your response. Therefore, for your opening paraphrase, you should have indicated a full response to question 1 and question 2. such as:  
  
*One of the major causes that push the criminals to commit crimes upon leaving prison or jail is because they cannot find employment as an ex-convict. Therefore, the government should start a program that compels business owners to hire an ex-convict once he has completed his sentence and is returned to society.*  
  
Now, based upon your direct response to the question, the next 2 reasoning paragraphs should merely expand upon your given reasons in the prompt restatement. While you did a good job of discussing the reasons and possible solutions in your current essay, the problem with it is that your reasons are too many and the supporting ideas are incomplete. That created a less than clear discussion and reasoning presentation on your part, which may have an effect on your C&C scoring consideration. Therefore, you did a good job in the discussion, but it has room for improvement.
Hi there,please give me some advice about my essay below. Many thanks  
*Reducing global environment damage should be handled by governments rather than individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?*  
  
## responsibility for Reducing global environment damage

  
  
Global environment is considered one of the most pressing problems of the 21st century. While some people believe that authorities have a paramount role to play in minimizing green issue . Even though, I strongly agree that the damage to the environment ought to be tackled by individual's attempt  
  
Firstly, the governments could make more attempts to reduce environmental damage. They can run factories and industries by introducing laws to limit the amount of emissions, so it will help to maintain and balance the ecological system . Moreover, authorities should take place "green campaign" programme for the purpose of raising awareness of our energy use . For example, Earth Hour is an annual global campaign that encourages people around the world to reduce global environmental hazards by switching off for at least one hour.  
  
On the other hand, nobody can deny the roles of individuals in the environmental protection process. The uncontrolled use of automobiles can caused global warming because it releases a wide range of polluted gases. Therefore, people can reduce harmful habits into environment by taking public transport instead of private cars. Furthermore, the citizens should join hands to deal with these issues by sorting the daily garbage , enhancing environmental awareness tree planting to yield a healthier atmosphere.  
  
In conclusion, if citizens do not to try to raise awareness of environment protection, we will give severe consequences. However, fully address the threat of global environmental damage; we must need a comprehensive combination of the government and individual.
Do, unfortunately, I cannot give you advise regarding the content of your essay nor your discussion. The reason that I cannot do it is because you have written only 247 words out of the required 250 minimum word count. As such, in an actual test setting, your essay will not be qualified to get a passing score since major point deductions will be made for the lacking words up to minimum word count. Therefore, you will not have written a passing essay. It will be impossible for you to pass since you will also have points deductions for the LR, C&C, and GRA sections. The essay will also be considered under developed in terms of discussion due to the lacking word count.. Therefore, for this particular essay, my advise to you is this, make sure to write at least 250 words before you submit your essay for assessment and scoring. It does not matter if you are just writing a practice essay, everything from the timing to the word count should be based on an actual test setting as that is what you are preparing for.
## English Essay writing skills exercise

  
  
Looking for your kind help my TEENAGER students to improve their English Essay writing skills  
  
Hi everyone, one of my students has written an essay as belowed. I have made certain corrections for her, but I would like to get your kind help to give comments and more corrections to it so as to help her to improve its quality.  
  
Thank you and we are looking forward to receiving your kind replies.  
  
*Here is the topic: "We live in a world of technology these days. While the internet brings it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweigh the advantages.  
  
To what extent do you agree?"*  
  
It is true that technology has completely changed our world today. While I believe that our lives are significantly benefited from the Internet, I agree that it has some particular security and control troubles.  
  
On the one hand, the Internet plays an important role in our lives for some reasons. The first reason is that it contains an enormous source of information that may be useful for us. For example, if you wonder about something, just by one click on Google, you will have a various package of topics you want. Furthermore, thanks to the Internet, you can also approach different kinds of education that help you obtain more knowledge easier and more efficiently. The second reason is that it provides us with plenty of types of entertainment such as movies, music, plays, video games and so on which can help you relax after working hard.  
  
On the other hand, besides the advantages, Internet users may be put at risk incredibly and astonishingly. Firstly, with access to billions of computers, cyber criminals or hackers do not need to make much effort to hack users' accounts for stealing their personal information and money. Secondly, it is complicated to control information on social media. Every day, there is a maze of fake news and advertisements on a lot of websites which causes difficulties for online community members in sorting out relevant and trustworthy facts and figures.  
  
In conclusion, the Internet has undoubtedly made a great impact on our lives. However, it has some detrimental effects including the issues of control and security.
Hi there, please give me some advice about the essay below. Thanks!  
  
*Some people think that it is necessary to travel abroad to learn about other countries. However, other people think that it is not necessary to travel abroad because all the information can be seen on TV and the Internet. Discuss both opinions and give your own opinion.*  
  
## to be informed traveling abroad

  
  
When it comes to travel, people might regard it as a vital process to learn knowledge about different countries. While others argue that multiple information on TV and the internet are enough for the public to learn about the world. Personally, I strongly support that it is necessary to visit countries and learn about them.  
  
First of all, people can experience cultures by traveling which might never be done by simply surfing the net or watching a TV program. During a journey in foreign countries, people appreciate magnificent sceneries with their eyes, feel the local atmosphere of the city, and taste traditional cuisine. Most importantly, people have the opportunity to experience and to interact with people from various cultures. To experience is the best way to know a country impressively.  
  
Some people see knowing the world through traveling as needless. Since traveling abroad seems to be money consuming, people are more likely to do research on websites and get information on TV programs around the world. Having hundreds and thousands of information on the internet, we can gain knowledge for free. Through interesting TV shows, we can also understand international issues more easily. It might be the most convenient way for the public nowadays to learn about the world.  
  
For me, learning about the world is not just about knowledge, it is the unique experiences we have that make travel necessary. For instance, there are a variety of videos and articles on the internet which lead to the romantic vision of France. However, without visiting France, I might never know that the chilling lifestyle of this country attracts me the most. With traveling, people may discover and value the fantastic experience they might never get from the internet and TV.  
  
To sum up, traveling abroad and getting information through websites and TV shows have their Pros and Cons. The reason makes traveling necessary is the experience people gain during their tours, which a program or article can never replace.
Ronia, the essay clearly states that you have to write a 5 paragraph essay with 2 of these opinions being sourced from the public opinion. However, in your prompt restatement, you indicated that this was a single point of view essay by offering a direct response to the question instead of informing the reader that the discussion will be based on a 3 point of view reference.  
  
Then, when you discussed the reasoning paragraphs, you failed to signify the ownership of the opinions being presented in the first 2 paragraphs. It appeared that rather than discussing the public points of view, you represented your opinion of the two points of view instead. Ownership phrases would have worked to strengthen the discussion towards the right approach. You could have said:  
  
*When considering the argument of people who prefer to watch travel TV...  
  
While those who prefer to actually travel to various places...  
  
My opinion is that...*  
  
Aside from that small error in presentation, I would have to say that you did a good job of discussing the given topic. It is interesting and well informed. The reader would definitely benefit from your insights.
Can anyone review and score the Independent essay writing for TOEFL.  
topic:  
Why do you think some people are attracted to dangerous sports or other dangerous activities? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer  
  
My essay:  
## The Thrill of risk-taking

  
  
Are Dangerous sports indeed dangerous? People would not afford lives for fun, if sports were intact dangerous. There is fun involved in the courageous activities. It takes physical and emotional wellness to think of doing such activities.  
  
Dangerous sports are fun as long as they are managed. With proper physical maintenance and emotional balance, the risks involved in such sports can be overcome. It is no more a danger but fun. Otherwise, two teenagers from India of age 25 years would not challenge themselves to climb Mountains Everest and be successful.  
  
Finally, with proper risk mitigation plan one can afford dangerous sports.
I took the TOEFL in May this year and scored 120/120. However, I am not an essay expert but will give you some of the tips.  
  
A few grammar mistakes that I can see are:  
- the unnecessary comma after 'fun'  
- the extra 'the' before courageous activities  
- intact instead of in fact  
  
I think the structure could be improved and you should aim to have 3-4 sentences in each paragraph. Try to structure your essay as follows:  
  
Intro:  
Paraphrase what the issue is talking about. (e.g. Whether dangerous sports are a good idea or not)  
Acknowledge that there are pros and cons, but you think generally dangerous sports ... [your stance]  
  
Body paragraph 1  
State a reason why dangerous sports are ok (e.g. dangerous sports are still good exercise). You can support this with some evidence from personal experience, news or examples from literature.  
  
Body paragraph 2  
Same as above with a second reason why dangerous sports are a good thing (e.g. events like INDY500 create a lot of jobs and generate revenue for the community)  
  
Body paragraph 3  
State one counterexample that shows when dangerous sports are a bad idea. Explain what can be done to improve the situation. (e.g. dangerous sports may result in serious injuries but wearing protective gear can dramatically reduce the chance of injuries)  
  
Conclusion:  
Restate that your stance (e.g. I, therefore, feel that dangerous sports are fine as long as the proper precautions are taken)