dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Siti, I have several points for correction in your essay in this instance. To start, you must try to meet the minimum sentence requirement of 3 sentences in the opening and closing paragraphs in order to fully utilize your C&C as well as your GRA scoring potentials. Maximizing the fact that you can write coherent and well structured sentences within the 3-5 sentence format will always result in a score boost on your end. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise because that is a fact. My students have scored between 7 and 9 using that format in the actual test. Just look at the clarity difference in the opening statement when you write 3 sentences:  
  
*The government is seen to be constantly spending more money on road development. However, the government is also being encouraged to spend more money on railways instead. I tend to agree with this statement for 2 reasons.*  
  
Then, in your conclusion, using the same format:  
  
*Based on the aforementioned considerations, it is clear that there are positive effects to having the government spend more money on the development of railways. Environmental protection and allowing for transportation that carries more passengers over a greater distance to solve road congestion problems are two of the reasons that this should be done. That is why I completely agree with the suggestion that the government spend more money on railways instead of roads.*  
  
Keep in mind that the concluding summary is just a another form of the opening paraphrase, the only difference being that the discussion points you presented in support of your stance should be indicated in the closing remarks.  
  
By the way the term is not "policy maker", a reference to a simple "the government policy in this case..." would have worked best. Also, try to avoid using connector words such as "because" at the start of sentences because it is not connecting 2 ideas in one sentence presentation in that instance.  
  
Excellent work referring to your personal knowledge regarding road and railway development, as well as environmental results of using railways in other countries without having to refer to research in your statement. As a person who appears to be widely read, this type of writing is what will increase your scoring potential as you show that you are capable of presenting an understandable English based discussion to a native English speaker.
Hello everyone, could you please help me to grade my essay with IELTS criterias (Task Achievement, Coherence and Cohesion, Lexical Resource, Grammatical Range and Accuracy)  
  
## young and energetic or an older and experienced leader

  
  
*Leaders and directors in an organization are normally older people. Some people think younger leader would be better. Do you agree or disagree?*  
  
The question should a young or an older people take a managerial position has been around for so many years. While I accept that older people must be a better choice to play in leader role, I also believe that being a young leader has some advantages.  
  
On the one hand, there are a variety of reasons why people should hire senior people for leadership positions. One reason is that a well mature person will have more knowledge and experience to tackle tough situation. Being aged means equally to have a long intense time of learning for new knowledge and to be able to apply that knowledge into real life circumstance in previous companies. Furthermore, older people tend to be more calm and patient. To be specific, these qualities will help them to take a step back, allow them to see thing as the big picture in order to make the best decision for an organization.  
  
On the other hand, employment has different reasons to choose young people. Firstly, creativity is extremely important when it comes to be a leader and young people tend to be more outweigh in this aspect. If a company is in computer science industry which involves and high level of new ideas generating, then choosing a senior leader whose ideas is always fixed will not be appropriated. Secondly, junior people are more dynamic than the other. Many people believe that being around with young and energetic co-workers make them feel more alive and this could help them to bring up their working performance.  
  
In conclusion, it is certainly true that being older can be an important factor to choose a leader, but this is by no means that the key consideration for every organization in making decide who is better to in charge.  
  
Thank you very much for your grading.  
  
Anna.
Hi Anna,  
It seems to me that your answer for the topic question is quite vague. I do understand that you don't completely agree with either side, it's ok to write about both sides, but to achieve a higher TA score, I think you should state your answer more directly, e.g which side you support *more*  
  
About grammar and accuracy, below are some small mistakes I think you should take into consideration:  
  
- Articles, such as: "to tackle tough situation" -> a tough situation/ tough situations.  
"real life circumstance" -> add "the"  
"as the big picture -> "a big picture" would be correct  
- Some small mistakes:  
"employment" -> employers  
"to be more outweigh" -> "outweigh" is a verb, not an adjective  
"whose ideas is" -> "are"  
"not be approriated" -> "approriate" is already an adjective, so "inapproriate" is enough  
"more dynamic than the other" -> unclear statement  
"being around ~~with~~"  
"to bring up their working performance" -> "bring up" doesn't mean "improve". You can check the meaning of it here: dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/bring-sth-up  
  
""working performance" -> this sounds unnatural to me. "Job/Work performance" is used more frequently.  
  
I'm also preparing for the test, so my comment may not be totally trustworthy. Hope this helps. Feel free to discuss any point you disagree. Good day!
To be honest, if I were you, I would write a one-sided essay, in which I completely disagree with the discussion point ("young leaders would be a better choice"). The question is very direct: Do you agree or disagree? So, even though that there seems to be no rule to restrict a balanced approach as what you did, it is easier to just choose one side of the argument.  
  
You can find some useful instructions here: /ielts-help-and-english-pr/2017/04/ielts-writing-task-2-agree-or-disagree-essay-structures.html  
It seems that your essay falls into the category "almost balanced opinion, but favouring one side", so for that sentence, I suggest you should remove the word "must" or any word that shows "strong" opinions. Instead, list some elements that make you agree with the "older people" side.  
  
Hope this helps!
Huynh, this is a single opinion essay. All IELTS Task 2 essays are one sided unless otherwise specified. In this essay you have to make one clear choice for the discussion. That is, an agreement with the given statement since you say that you believe that a young leader has more advantages. Your opening paraphrase is also incomplete as you do not represent all of the original given information from the original discussion. A more appropriate representation would have been:  
  
*A discussion regarding younger people should be made the head of corporations. This is because, at the moment, more mature individuals are given the position of responsibility in these companies. I agree that young adults should be given these roles based on a number of factors.*  
  
The paraphrase needs to be clear, can show an ability to use synonyms, and also, restate the discussion instruction in a manner that indicates a clear understanding of the English instructions. In this instance, you misunderstood and thought you were being asked to do a comparison discussion between the old and young leaders in a given organization.  
  
Now, based upon that error and the fact that this is your first post at this forum, I will not score this essay. I want to give you a chance to correct these mistakes and offer me a more solid and accurate representation of your skills covering the 4 scoring considerations. I look forward to reading your next essay and assessing your abilities then.  
  
Here is a tip, never do a comparison discussion unless indicated to do so. A single opinion essay is always easier to write about because you focus on delivering only one straight explanation for related and supporting topics.
**Some people think that international tourism creates more tension rather than understanding between people from different cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## IELTS Writing Task 2 about international tourism

  
  
Recently, international tourism has dramatically developed and become the primary source of income for many countries, however, some people reckon that the oversea tourist is the reason for causing tension and negative impacts to the country they visit. In my perspective, I believe international tourism brings more benefits than disadvantages, especially creates understanding between people from different customs.  
  
It is undeniable that travel broadens our minds. The differences among cultures stimulate human's curiosity, tourists are always ready to open their mind for inquiring about new customs, habits, they will find interests in local residents, as a result, the conversations between tourists and locals will be created and it is conspicuous that communication is the best way to build understanding and beliefs among different people whereby tourists and locals can help each other to study languages, for examples, English learners in Ha Noi often go to Hoan Kiem Lake to talk with foreigners who are able to help them improve their English speaking skill. Not only that, when tourists approach to another philosophy, they may change their minds. For examples, when Western people go to Asian countries, they may come to know how young generation respect their elder in their society and when Asian people travel to Western countries, they may know how to live independent like Western adolescences.  
  
On the other hand, international tourism changes people's perspective. In the modern life, people always think that watching TV, reading newspapers can help them know all about the world out there but it is definitely wrong. Maybe, all the things they know about Afghanistan are civil wars, armed conflicts and poor children but the real thing is Afghanistan is a beautiful country with sweeping valleys, stunning lakes, snow-capped mountains and gorgeous residents. Moreover, international tourism is a workable way to solve tension. For instance, when rich tourists from developing countries travel to northern Africa and the Middle East, they may comprehend more about the difficulties that local people have to face with and tourists will totally be able to help.  
  
In conclusion, the juxtaposition of the tension with understanding is obvious that international tourism brings more understandings between people from different cultures. It helps create international integration, strengthen solidarity and make more chances to solve municipal problems from global helps.
Dear Phuong, hope that I can help.  
  
First thing is that would you mind tell if you agree or disagree to the statement 'the international tourism bring more cultural conflicts than understanding'?  
  
Then from the 2nd paragraph, "The differences among (...) English speaking skill." <- is it run-on sentence? Also, the paragraph seems telling the reader the **advantage of tourism**(interesting / learning languages / establishing communication) which I'm afraid you might lose some marks on the task achievement.
Hi Phuong! Overall, you used a quite large range of vocabulary here, which will help you score well on the lexical resource criterion. However, there are some words that I believe you don't understand their usages completely. This will lead to lots of deduction in Grammar and Accuracy. So better use "simple" words that you know well, or if you still want to use these "fancy" words, you should do some research on them. For example, "on the other hand" means "in a way that is different from the first thing you mentioned", so it's inappropriate to use here. You could simply use "firstly, secondly,..." or "in addition" or somewhat similar conjunctions. There are many examples from the essay that I can't spot them all. Read your essay again, if there is a word that you only put it there to "show off" then you'd better check it again. Its meaning may not be what you used to know.  
  
In the introduction, I think that the first sentence was wasted to present some additional facts that are unnecessary. I understand that it may be originated from Vietnamese writing style that we were taught at schools, but in IELTS you should save your time as much as possible. For the introduction, don't write too long or try to make it complicated. Write 2-3 sentences, 1-2 should be used to paraphrase the question only, to show that you totally understand what the topic is. Then the last sentence will answer the question directly: you agree or disagree. From the body paragraphs, I understand that you disagree with the statement, but I don't see it from your introduction, which will make examiners confused and deduce your score.  
  
That's all I can advise you. Feel free to discuss any point you disagree. Have a good day!
Bui, you have some major errors in this essay that will automatically garner yo a failing score. The first is that you created a prompt deviation. Based upon the original discussion, you were expected to respond to the question;  
  
Question: To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
  
Your response/prompt deviation is: I believe international tourism brings more benefits than disadvantages, especially creates understanding between people from different customs.  
  
You changed the discussion from an extent essay to an advantage / disadvantage essay discussion. This shows that you do not understand the prompt requirement which means you will not get a passing TA score, which will then prevent you from getting the lowest possible passing score of 5 for this essay discussion. That is because you have created mistakes in other scoring sections as well which will result in further low scores that add up to a less than passing mark in the end.
**Some people believe that young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## same crime, same punishment

  
  
Nowadays, the young who are dangerous criminal such as robber, murderer just be fined or have under 18 years prison sentence. Personally, I totally agree with an idea that government should punish them in the same way as mature people.  
  
It is no doubt that the laws that young people being punished more lightly than adult have some advantages. The youngsters are not mature enough to understand what they do are right or wrong, they do not know about the consequence that they made. Therefore, it is easy for them to do bad deeds like the films or be allured by bad people. Moreover, perhaps they are not well-educated or living in a good life condition, for example, a child who lives in poor family without care by his parents, he will have some bad behavior because no one teaches him something good.  
  
In the other hand, I would argue that people had better be punished in the same way whatever their ages. Firstly, if the punishments are different because of their ages, some teenagers believe that they are too young to having strict punishment, so they can do whatever they want without caring about results, such as shoplifting, vandalize, even murder. For instance, in 2011, the 17-year-old Vietnamese person - Lê Văn Luyện - killed 4 people because he wanted to rob their money, but he just had 18 years in prison due to his age. That is too light for his crime and unfair to others who got death penalty or life sentence. Secondly, using same punishment can reduce the number of juvenile criminal and avoid some young criminal want to return to serious crime.  
  
In conclusion, for the reason mentioned above, I strongly believe that the serious criminal should be punished in the same way whatever how old they are.
## A gap year off disadvantages/advantages

  
  
SOME STUDENTS TAKE A YEAR OFF BETWEEN SCHOOL AND UNIVERSITY, TO WORK OR TO TRAVEL. DO THE ADVANTAGES OF THIS OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES?  
  
It is true that after graduating from school there are many young people choose to employ or to come to new countries instead of attending academic programmes. Although, this may have several advantages, I believe that the drawbacks are greater than the merits.  
  
On the one hand, getting a job or coming to new nations after graduating is bebeficial in some ways. Firstly, through travelling time teenagers might discover new places, gain knowledge about new cultures, make more new friends and all of these new things make the life more interesting and liveable. Secondly, start earning money early makes young people gaining experiences, this leads to high income and improves the quality of life. Finally, many young people who have been involved in working environment early might get more financial independence due to the fact that they can pay for their own study fees or even their own house.  
  
On the other hand, I would argue that the benefits are outweighed by the negative impacts. The first prominent justification is that they might waste one year owning to the fact that they will graduate behind their peers and get later jobs. Furthermore, teenagers who are so eager when travelling and earning more money from one year off may become stress or be put under pressure at the time returning to school because they can not re-adapt to the academic environment. In addition, discontinue studying leads to higher drop out rate, higher unemployment rate and hinder the ecomnomy.  
  
In conclusion, for the reasons mentioned above, it is obvious to acknowledge the dominant drawbakcs of this tendency, but the possible merits of going somewhere different or stating a career should not be overlooked.  
  
*Please help me to correct the mistakes and feel free to share your own ideas about this topic.  
Thank for your attention.*
Hi ngoccamtu323, I wish I could write as good as you do...  
  
So forgive me if I was wrong.  
  
When I read your introduction paragraph, it sounds to me that student will not going to continue their study in the university after graduated from school (high school?).  
  
the statement "In addition, discontinue studying leads to higher ...", my assumption is that student take the year off so that it will not see as 'dropout'... sorry maybe it happen on other countries...  
  
In the conclusion paragraph, do you think if you change little bit the order of the sentences would help reader to better understand your stand point? Say you remind reader do not overlook the merits first and emphasis the drawbacks to end your essay.  
  
I'm a bad writer or maybe a bad reader too so if you find my ideas are nonsense please just ignore that.
## the year of opening, the total route length and the passengers number

  
  
**Question**:  
*The table below gives information about the underground railway systems in six cities.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.*  
  
**Answer**:  
The provided table denotes the year of opening, the total route length in kilometres and the number of annual passengers in millions that six major cities' underground railway networks receive.  
  
As is observed from the table, the older a railway system is, the more kilometres of rail route it comprises. It is also worth noting that Tokyo's and Paris's railways systems receive the largest numbers of passengers per year, whereas this figure is relatively low regarding Kyoto's and Los Angeles's complexes.  
  
Turning to the details, it is apparent that London's railway system is established in 1863, prior to the opening of all its counterpart. With a considerable 394 kilometres of rail route, it is a solid exemplifier to the aforementioned trend. A notable exception to that is Los Angeles's network, with 28 kilometres of railway - 17 kilometres longer that that of its Kyoto counterpart - while being the latest in terms of opening date.  
  
A detailed look at the passengers column reveals that 1927 and 1191 millions are respectively the number of annual customers Tokyo's and Paris's underground railway complexes recieves, while 45 and 50 millions are that of Kyoto's and Los Angeles's.  
  
*While i wrote this in about 27 minutes with a little research for synonyms of "system", i feel that i've improved from my last IELTS task 1, at least in terms of sentence length. Please give any feedback and a band score if possible.*  
  
*
## Are zoos inhumane?

  
  
Prompt:  
*Some people think that zoos are all cruel and should be closed down . Others however believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals.  
  
Discuss both opinions and give your own opinion.*  
  
Answer:  
  
Nowadays almost every city has a zoo, keeping and displaying various wild animals. However, there is a dispute on whether zoos are cruel or not. I will examine both sides and then give my own opinion.  
  
Some argue zoos are cruel, largely because they believe animals may suffer from living in zoos, where wild animals are caged These creatures do not have enough space to move around and are separated from their family and friends. Zoos are especially cruel for animals that are born in the wild but forced out of their natural habitat. For them, the new environment in zoos could be hard to adjust to. Depression and physical problems may therefore emerge and damage the life quality of wild animals. In some cases, keepers mistreating animals adds to the cruelty of zoos. For example, animals may suffer from not having enough food and water.  
  
There are two main reasons why some people believe zoos can good for wild animal protection. First, zoos protect endangered species by offering them much-needed shelter. Having lost their natural habitat, some animals have to rely on zoos for space and food. In this sense, zoos are vital for them to survive and multiply. If all zoos were closed down, these creatures, with no natural habitats left, would have nowhere to seek refuge. Second, zoos raise people's awareness of wildlife protection. Zoos enable people to get close to wild animals and to know how they live. In this way, visitors would develop an affection for wild creatures.  
  
As far as I am concerned, zoos, with their facilities and expertise in keeping animals, could be helpful in protecting endangered species from extinction.