dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Prison is the common way in most countries to solve problem of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide people a better education. Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## how to react to diminish the crime

  
  
Government now is taking many measures to prevent criminal especially prison sentences. However, improvements on education have gained social endorsement as they think it's better than prison. In my opinion, I totally disagree with this idea since it nearly impossible to compare between two factors that are absolutely necessary for criminal.  
  
On the one hand, there has a variety of reasons that prisons are extremely necessary for social security. They are the place to keep the people who broke the law and to ensure safety of other citizens. Besides, dangerous criminals such as murderers or rapists must be imprisoned permanently so as to compensate for their heinous actions. Furthermore, being condemned to jail would appropriate freedom and have to live a miserable in a cell. Therefore, the people who tend to commit the law would reconsider before taking criminal actions.  
  
On the other hand, education is also considered as an important solution from the origin of crime. Education contributes greatly to heighten people's intellect and to build up a civilized society. Thanks to educational messages, people will have better awareness about the damage that crimes could cause to their community and even themselves eventually leading to the decrease in criminal rates. In addition, fundamental education like vocational training could provide a person a stable life, which could dispel completely every intentions of breaking law.  
  
In conclusion, dangerous objects like criminals must be punished but they also deserve to be educated well. I think there's no fixed way to deal with crimes whether imprisonment policies or better education as they both can tackle the problem in different suitable ways.  
  
Thanks for reading my essay!
Hi Linh, listen, when an essay asks if you agree or disagree with an opinion, don't discuss both sides in the essay. You aren't supposed to do that because the word "or" in the essay means you are expected to discuss only the opinion that you are supporting. When you discuss the one opinion that you support, include the reasons for your support in order to make an acceptable presentation of your opinion. In this essay, I am also unclear, as per your opening statement, as to which side of the discussion you do not support because you did not indicate it specifically in the opinion sentence at the close of this paragraph. So I went through your essay very confused as to which side you support because you did not really give a personal opinion discussion in the essay. Do you see why you need to discuss only one side of the opinion in this instance? Exactly, you can't have the reader guessing as to what you are trying to say.  
  
I would also like to advise you to improve your lexical resource / vocabulary skills. Some of the problematic references in your essay that led me to the conclusion that you need to further practice this area and become more familiar with the English language is that you kept on saying "criminal" when you meant to say "crime" and you actually referred to the "criminal" as an "object" when he is a person, not a thing. These small errors can have a very big effect on the down scoring of your essay so you should concentrate on improving your skills in this regard.
## sales and share prices for Coca-Cola

  
  
the pie chart illustrated that the proportion of Coca-Cola sales around the World.According to the diagram,17.1 billion Coca-Cola sold in 2000.North America is the largest market for Coca-Cola,constituting 30.4%.the second largest market is Latin America,which occupied 25.7% of the sales.In addition,Sale in Europe and Asia is the third and fourth largest market which devoted 20.5% and 16.4% sales.Africa and Middle East purchased 7% of the total amount of Coke,which is the smallest market around the world.  
  
The line chart demonstrated that the share price of Coca-Cola in stock market.After a glance,Generally, the price raised between 1996 and 2001,though line fluctuated .In 1996,the price was around 32 pound.In 1998,the share value raised 43 dollar,came to 75 dollar per share.After 1998,the price decrease gradually.Each share descended to 52 dollar in 2001.Overall,price rose 20 dollar between 1996 and 2001.(139 Words)  
  
The chart and graph below give information about sales and share prices for Coca-Cola.  
Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.  
  
*   
*Data*
Cheung, please pay attention to the English writing rules when you write your essays. Follow the "first word is always capitalized" rule as that is a standard requirement for all English written activities, not just essays. The minimum standard for the task 1 essay is 150 words. So, unless you forgot to mention that there was a lower word count requirement for this essay, you are under the word minimum count and will receive a penalty for it. You could have increased the word count if you had bothered to deliver a proper summary of the report. That is something that is required of all Task 1 essays and can be placed either at the beginning or the end of the essay. You did not place a summary anywhere. You went directly into the discussion of the illustration without offering a proper overview summary of the discussion for the reader to serve either as the opening or concluding statement of the essay. You only have 2 paragraphs in this essay when the minimum presentation is 3 paragraphs. There are really several shortcomings in your current presentation that will prevent this essay from garnering a passing score, at the very least, during the actual test. With regards to your graph analysis, since the figures provided are estimates, you should make sure to always use terms such as estimated, about, close to, and other similar terms to connote that the figures you are providing are only close to the graph but not the actual figure. It is extremely difficult to claim an actual figure in this case because the graph lines did not fall on the actual number, but always somewhere in between. Therefore, the presentation must be as close to an estimation as you can get of the actual figure. Be consistent about that presentation. Don't suddenly sound sure because the image was unable to provide you with accurate information.
@frankie89724  
I think you have to be more careful when describing the trend.  
  
You need the preposition to indicate the change of the curve.  
[In 1998,the share value raised 43 dollar,came to 75 dollar per share]  
This sentence should be [In 1998, she share value raised **by** 43 dollar, came to 75 dollar per share  
  
Another point is that you can use hedging instead of quoting the exact number. There is risk to quote a number but it is inaccurate.  
  
I hope these can help.
Would someone please help me score my essay on this ielts task2 sample question?  
  
**Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
What other measures do you think might be effective?**  
  
## solutions to the traffic problem

  
  
People spend a lot of time on travelling daily and the amount of time is increasing because the traffic is getting busier everyday. Busy traffic also creates pollution problems that endanger our lives. To overcome these problems, people suggest the government to increase the price of petrol and I agree with this viewpoint. In addition, increasing the license fee is another effective solution.  
  
Raising the price of petrol can significantly reduces the numbers of vehicles travelling on the road and effectively control the growth of traffic because the cost of driving will be too high to afford by the general public. The cost of fuel plus other expenses including vehicle insurance and maintenance will reduce people's incentive to own a private car and switch to public transportation. For example, the travelling cost from downtown to the airport by car is around a hundred dollars whereas bus fare is just less than thirty dollars. As a result, the government can resolve traffic congestion easily by adjusting the petrol price level.  
  
After the number of vehicles on the road has decreased, the air quality will improve that leads to better health condition of the citizens. This is because the combustion of petrol in vehicle engine emits a lot of harmful particles to the air and causes various kinds of respiratory diseases after being inhaled by human. For instance, statistics shows that the air pollution index in areas near major highway or city centers with busy traffic are on average three times than that of the countrysides.  
  
In addition to the above measures, the government can double or triple the existing vehicle license fee and this act will discourage people to maintain their cars and travel by other means, thus reduce the amount of cars on the road further.  
  
To conclude, the solutions to our traffic problem lies in the hand of our government. By increasing the petrol price and license fee, our world will become a better place to live.
@ruby1231 I believe that the overall score for your essay would be somewhere in the 5 range. This is a score that I based on problems with your task accuracy, your cohesiveness and cohesion, lexical resource, and grammar range. Your task accuracy had to be marked down because instead of presenting a properly paraphrased opening statement, you began to immediately discuss facts in the paragraph.  
  
The discussion proper of the essay is not supposed to be presented until the 2nd-4th paragraphs. The opening statement is merely used to explain to the examiner what you understood of the original prompt topic and how it is ti be discussed. Under no circumstance are discussions to be done there because there are only 5 sentences allowed per paragraph and the opening statement will not allow for the proper discussion development along with a proper paraphrasing of the topic.  
  
By the way, when you are asked to what extent you agree or disagree, you need to use that exact phrase in your paraphrasing. For example, you could have said; "I agree with that statement to a certain extent because of reasons to be discussed below." That would be a proper close to the opening statement paragraph. Always note the keywords in the original discussion and use these to help boost your score in the actual essay.  
  
You also need to have at least 4 fully developed paragraphs in the essay. Your 4th paragraph is under utilized and under developed. This will result in a mark down of your score because you did not show a coherent and cohesive discussion throughout your essay. Needless to say, your conclusion also suffers from a proper representation of the previous discussion, summarized reasons, and repetition of your personal opinion.
I am preparing for my ielts test and I find that writing is the most difficult, thanks for any help in suggesting ways to improve my writing.  
  
**Some people believe that school children should not be given homework by their teachers, whereas others argue that homework plays an important role in the education of children. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.**  
  
## the argument about doing school tasks at home

  
  
People have different views on whether schools ought to give any homework to children. Some argue against the presence of homework as it put too much pressure on the children but in my opinion I believe it is necessary and of vital importance in children's education.  
  
People think that homework is unnecessary for several reasons. Firstly, parents often find that their children are exhausted after attending a full day at school. They should have enough time to rest instead of doing homework in order to replenish and be ready for tomorrow's challenge. Secondly, studies have shown that playtime is equally important to children's development as study time. For example, doctors suggest daily exercising helps promote our brain development and will make us smarter. Finally, parents working full time disapprove the idea of homework because they often have to help their child in solving homework problems after work which is not desirable from their perspective.  
  
In spite of the above arguments, I support the view that homework is important in educating our children. For example, by teaching students to complete their assignment on schedule, they can develop a sense of responsibility and self discipline. In addition, some kinds of challenging questions in the homework can simulate children to think and become more intelligent. Another benefit is that homework provides a way for teachers to understand what kind of difficulties the students are having so that they can revise the syllabus and be more focus on those problematic area during their teaching.  
  
In conclusion, homework certainly has its drawback on our children, but I strongly believe that the benefits outweigh them in the long run.
Wally the whole approach that you took to discussing this essay is not in accordance with the prompt requirement. Your paraphrasing alone shows that you misunderstood the task assigned and as such, you ended up portraying an unacceptable version of the prompt. It is unacceptable because it does not follow the instructions you were originally provided. The prompt instructions said "discuss both sides and give your opinion." You discussed only one side then gave your personal opinion.  
  
The essay also suffers from a lack of cohesiveness and coherence because you discuss too many topics in one paragraph. Each paragraph must only discuss one topic in order to properly develop complex sentences that lead to the cohesiveness of the presentation and a clear understanding (coherence) of the paragraph discussion. You need to present only one topic for discussion. The failure of the cohesiveness and cohesion stems from you trying to show off your knowledge of the topic instead of your ability to discuss the topic. Those are two different things. Just show your ability to discuss one reason for the given topic per paragraph. Don't show off your vocabulary skills that are not perfect. Just prove that you can discuss in an understandable manner in English. Nothing more, nothing less. Your conclusion is also faulty as it is only a single sentence when the minimum requirement is 3 sentences per paragraph. So the essay was not concluded in the proper manner and doesn't contain the correct information in relation to an effective concluding statement.  
  
What two sides were you supposed to discuss? The first side was "people think homework is necessary because it plays a role in the child's education." and the other "Others believe homework should not be given". Then your personal opinion comes last. Review the prompt requirements, you will see that you only discussed 2 parts in what should have been a 5 paragraph essay.
**Topic: Some people think that it is good for a country's culture to import foreign movies and TV programs. Others think that it is better to produce these locally. Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
## purchasing international programs or self-making productions?

  
  
People have conflicting opinions about the effectiveness of foreign film import as opposed to self-production. While importing foreign movies could benefit one nation in many aspects, I believe that it would be better for a country to create movies for their citizens.  
  
There are certain reasons for which governments should permit film import. First of all, broadcasting various types of movie can increase the number of viewers, which will certainly bring more profit for film companies. It is obvious that diverse range of movie types will undoubtedly appeal more viewers as there are more options to choose. Another reason is local citizens can have a deeper insight into different cultures and traditional values of other nations. As they have access to distinct customs, they can draw some good lessons from other peoples. For instance, there are many good manners of Japanese that locals can learn and alter their behaviors such as the habit of queuing or people can learn the way Western people say "thank you" and "sorry". Lastly, importing films from other countries is an effective way to study second languages.  
  
On the other hand, I argue that local programs and movies will exert more positive influences on national art and culture. As we all know, self-producing movies and programs can create more careers for citizens. National production can lead to an increase in jobs for those who have a burning desire to be actors, actress or film makers. Another advantage of creating domestic programs is it will make native values survive, and even flourish. By watching local documentaries, locals can have a good understanding of cultural identity and therefore, it will help to preserve native culture and local lifestyle. In sharp contrast, one possible consequence if international programs have become so pervasive in one country is people may underestimate and lose interest on local tradition and values.  
  
In conclusion, even though purchasing international programs gives rise to numerous merits,I believe that self-making films plays an indispensable role in cultural development.
Tung, your essay lacks proper discussion developments that could have better represented a cohesive and coherent discussion. I think that this problem stems from your desire to discuss both points of view in one paragraph so that you can conclude with a personal opinion. I am not sure if you have been instructed not to do this by your tutor because that is what I would tell you once I review your work. This essay does not properly represent the prompt requirements for a number of reasons.  
  
The major problem that I see is that you were being asked to discuss 2 reasons. One is the side that supports the importation of foreign films and the other, the side that seeks to have more locally produced movies. You discussed the locally produced side only from a personal point of view. The prompt requires a public point of view discussion prior to your personal point of view discussion. This representation is also missing from your prompt paraphrasing in the opening statement. It is because of this error in discussion that you ended up showing that you did not understand the task requirements, which led to you changing the prompt instructions to something that you decided to do on your own. This would be an automatic fail in the actual test. The score won't be higher than a 3.  
  
When the instruction states that you have to discuss both points of view and then your personal opinion, that is exactly what you have to do. This essay represents only 2 of the requirements. It also has an improperly developed concluding statement because of the lack of proper discussion summary prior to your closing line.
Prompt: ## Strength

  
  
Harris got a brain like a sieve. Be it something as crucial as a wallet and a phone, or things as silly as an eraser and school paperwork, he always lost his possessions.  
  
One day, he went to a mall to buy replacement for his missing stationery. It was a Sunday morning, and the lively mall was filled with people. After he paid for the stationery, he leaved the mall, a bag in one hand and a wallet in the other hand. He decided to go home since he already got what he needed.  
  
All of a sudden, someone bumped into him, causing Harris to fall down on the floor. He winced in pain and snapped his head up in anger to scold the person. Instead of the culprit, he saw nobody. People passed by him without stopping to help, only gave him glances before continuing their walks. The evildoer vanished from his sight, and for a moment Harris thought if he imagined thing. Maybe he stumbled on his own feet and caused his own falling.  
  
Harris continued his way to the bus stop and entered a bus as soon as one arrived. In the bus, Harris realized he lost his wallet. He panicked, eyes widened as he searched high and low for his wallet but to no avail. The drive chased him away when he knew Harris couldn't afford to pay the ride. Heart beating hard, Hide tried to remember the last time he had his wallet with him. Where did it went to?  
  
The boy wanted to go home, but he was penniless and he didn't have his phone to call his mother so she could pick him up. Harris built his courage up and asked for help from some passerby. Just like on his earlier incident, nobody paid him any attention. Heaving a sigh, Harris slumped down on a bench near the bus stop.  
  
What felt like hours later, someone approached him. It was a small lady dressed in a uniform. She had a warm smile, her eyes crinkled and cheeks rose up as she stopped in front of Harris.  
  
"Young boy, are you in trouble? You look so sad." The woman asked, lips frowned slightly at Harris's poor state. Harris was hungry from hours of empty stomach. He knew no way to contact his mother, and the worst of all, he didn't know the way to his house if he wanted to walk back home.  
  
Harris told her everything. Out of pity, the woman gave him some money. Harris rejected it right away. It would be just enough if the woman lend him her phone, but the lady insisted he take the cash, saying she didn't own a phone.  
  
Harris thanked the kind lady. He promised to treat her to a meal if they meet again. Feeling energetic, Harris searched for the nearest public phone and called his mother. Harris learned a lesson. Next time, he would be more careful of his things, and if he saw someone in need, Harris would help the person, regardless of what the problem would be.
Sharisha, pay attention to the tense usage in your presentation. You tend to confuse your present and past tense usage which makes the essay difficult to understand. Are you writing this as part of your English language practice? If you are, then you didn't do a bad job. While there are some problems work your sentence development, the essay itself was still understandable. Your grammar structure should improve over time as you get more used to reading, thinking, and writing in English. The story is interesting but could have used a better hook at the start to interest the reader. The character is very one dimensional at the moment and could use some physical description to help the reader better imagine the narrated events. To much description workout action or dialogue to cut the narrative at picture points made the essay boring to read later on. The character interaction was too mechanical. They're was no real twist to the story that could have made for a more interesting climax. That part was so textbook in presentation that the ending was easily guessed from the start of the story. Not a bad attempt though. You have the potential to get better.