dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## foreign and local students in Australia (2001 - 2010)

  
  
The line graph illustrates the register of abroad students and local students in Australian universities during the period from 2001 to 2010.  
Overall, the quantity of both students experienced an upward trend, although the figure of overseas students was always lower than local students, there was a surge in the commencing of overseas students, while a minimal increase in the others.  
  
In 2001, the commencing of oversea students stood at approximate 16000, which was followed a significant increase to over 40000, leading to a dramatic rise to over 80000 in the total of overseas students in 2010. The latter remained double than the former.  
  
Whereas, the commencing of local students witnessed a slight growth, from nearly 180000 in 2001 to more than 200000 in 2010, however, before the total of local students examined a tremendous, the figure had shown stability in the last three years. This resulted in a huger gap between them.  
  
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The line graph illustrates  
There must be a clear differentiation of the line graph images. There are 2 images presented for analysis and reporting. Therefore, the writer must indicate the number of images and what each image represents in the presentation. The clear separation of image content will help add clarity and focus to the summary presentation.  
  
the commencing  
This is a repeated word used in the essay. Try to vary your word usage to help your LR score. When you use the same word twice in the essay, it shows a limited English vocabulary and will be scored accordingly.An equivalend reference would be start of studies, beginning of classes, among other alternative word usage.
## The bar chart compares four countries in the UK in terms of holiday accommodation in 2010.

  
  
From an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that the British mostly favored hotel over others services, while camping was the least popular activity.  
  
In 2010, the figure for hotels was highest in England, at about 55%, followed by those of Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland, with 52%, 48%, and 44%, respectively.  
The Scottish, however, had the highest proportion in self-catered holiday, with 30%, nearly three times that of Nothern Ireland, at 12%.  
  
While having the lowest figures in self-catering and hotel accommodation, Northern Ireland, however, had the highest percentage of a caravan holiday, at remarkably 31%, much higher than those of England, Scotland, and Wales, with 7%, 12%, and 9%, consecutively. The figures for camping in all the countries mentioned share nearly an equal proportion, at approximately 12%, except for Scotland, which had the lowest of only 5%.  
  
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From an overall perspective  
You went directly to the trending statement without offering a proper summary overview. This will cost you percentage points in the task assessment section. You have not followed the required presentation format for the essay. Only the trending statement can be placed anywhere in the remaining paragraphs. The opening statement must always be the summary overview.  
  
The reporting sections are well presented but not analyzed to a great extent. So the cohesiveness of the essay, in relation to analysis of the report is weak and will not get a very good score. The task 1 essay always gets a better final score when the writer takes the time to actually analyze and compare, rather than just report on the facts from the images. Next time, try to focus a little bit more on the comparison and analysis discussion aspect. You were too quick to end it in this report.
## different academic abilities and selection of students

  
  
*SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT SCHOOLS SHOULD SELECT STUDENTS ACCORDING TO THEIR ACADEMIC ABILITIES, WHILE OTHERS BELIEVE THAT IT IS BETTER TO HAVE STUDENTS WITH DIFFERENT ABILITIES STUDYING TOGETHER. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND STATE YOUR OWN OPINION*  
  
In this day and age, the number of students who have great academic performance despite their age is rising at an unprecedented rate. While some people advocate the idea that students should be allowed to study with people who have the same capacity as them, others agree that a class should have students with different academic abilities. The following essay with discuss both views and raise the author's voice  
  
On the one hand, arranging classes with students who share equal potential can bring about an array of benefits. One of the pros is that it will be extremely time-saving for prestigious students who want to go the extra mile in both their study as well as their future careers. It can be illustrated by the fact that in spite of learning something that they already understand with ordinary students, they can nurture their raw talent by studying with a specific pedagogy with people who are on the same level as them. Therefore, they can achieve a myriad of successes in their study from a very young age and can contribute greatly to society  
  
On the other hand, there are also some merits to be gained when having students with a wide range of academic levels in the same class. First and foremost, gifted students can support their counterparts with lower study levels by instructing or providing knowledge since they might find it hard to comprehend some kind of lecture. Thereby, not only low-educated students can understand the lesson properly but also smart ones can revise it by reteaching it to others. Furthermore, if well-educated students are permitted to take high-level classes, they might graduate and find a job sooner than their friends, which may be really stressful for them when it comes to communicating with co-workers, mainly due to the lack of essential social skills and age barriers  
  
In conclusion, while I agree that studying with same-level students can save time and make students gain a lot of achievements when they are still young, I also subscribe to the notion that combining students with various academic abilities also have many advantages.
In this day and age, the number of students ... an unprecedented rate  
You are expected to restate the original discussion topic without adding any misleading statements or personal opinions that could alter the content presentation. This sentence is a personal opinion statement that is unsupported by the original topic indicators. Therefore, the paragraph will receive a percentage of point deductions for prompt topic alterations. This means the essay will start its base scoring considerations from a failing score aspect.  
  
The following essay ... the author's voice  
Another task percentage deduction since the author does not provide a clear personal opinion where required as indicated by the task accuracy requirements. The lack of the author's opinion, which represents a personal thesis statement was required in this paragraph presentation.  
  
The first paragraph of the essay does not meet IELTS accuracy requirements and will not recieve a passing score. The rest of the essay also lacks discussion clarity. The public opinion is not represented accurately, making the reasoning paragraphs seem to come from a personal opinion standpoint.  
  
The summary conclusion will also receive a failing mark because, rather than providing a discussion recap, the writer has chosen to discuss his opinion in this section. The lack of a proper concluding statement paragraph shows an incompletely developed essay and will result in an overall failing score.  
  
In reference to the closing format, simply saying "In conclusion", but not actually providing the conclusion in the required format indicates the lack of a conclusion. It is not in the correct and expected format and therefore, cannot be scored based on a passing basis.
## research students of different subjects

  
  
The bar chart illustrated research students on both gender who studying six science-related subjects in UK university in 2009, they are Physics, Astronomy, Geology, Biologoy, Medicine and Veterinary medicine.  
  
Overall, the first thing we should be able to spot is that the science-related subjects are dominated by male students. The trend on subject toke by male and female students differ.  
  
The figures shown male students are obviously more than female students in most of the subjects. The gap is huge especially on Physics, only less than 50 female students while male students are more than 200. In contrast, the gaps are narrowed in both Biology and Medicine, there nearly an equal number between male and female student, moreover, these two subjects are most welcomed by both gender with the highest number of student studying. Veterinary medicine with the least number of students studying, but it is interested that is the only subject that majority are occupied by female students.  
  
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The summary is too compressed in terms of presentation.It requires more sentence presentations for the individual information parts. Additionally, the specific genders need to be identified as indicated in the image. That is because the expanded gender considerations of the 21st century makes it difficult to decide what the default genders are for the report. Do not wait till the trending paragraph to clarify that data. It should be clear from the very start. The summary should be divided into 3 sentence presentations since there are 3 ideas presented in the run-on sentence.  
  
toke  
This is not an English word. It is not in the dictionary. Did you mean "taken" instead? Be careful when spelling and using words. You do not want LR deductions to be applied as this will result in a lower or, depending on the number of errors, a failing score for that section.  
  
The last paragraph needs to be seperated into 2 presentations. The seperation of paragraphs is based on the number of subjects indicated. The comparison paragraphs need to be grouped by 3, as in 3 subjects per comparison discussion.
The third paragraph should be subdivided into two.  
In the first one, I suggest that you describe the figures of the first five subjects, since they all appear to have a same trend, which is male students outnumbering female ones. More noticeably, through the surveys taken for Physics, Astronomy, Geology, Biologoy, Medicine; the gap was gradually mitigated in the exact order in which those subjects were aforementioned.  
  
In the second one, you will describe the statistics of Veterinary Medicine. In this subject, in contrast to the five other subjects, females were dominant in number in comparison with males.  
  
This is just a summary from me about what I think you need to do, you will still have to add the number to prove what you say, good luck.
## home party preparation

  
  
Hello teacher, my name is Le Thi Huong Quynh, I'm twenty years old, a student of class AC19A1B , majoring in accounting Dong A University.  
  
Today is the final exam day, and my topic is '' You are going to have a party at home. Make a talk about how to prepare for the party''.Here is my presentation, hope you enjoy it.  
  
August is coming, a month that for me is very lucky and memorable. Specifically, August 10th is my mother's birthday.  
I will organize a small family party for my mother right in my garden.  
The party that day will of course include all members of my family, including my father, my brother, my sister, my sister, and my grandchildren as well.  
  
My mother really loves seafood and drinks lemonade, so that day I will buy a lot of seafood for her, including king crab, lobster, squid, octopus, whale, and lots of seafood dishes another.  
  
The drink at the party that day will be lemonade made by myself, just to ensure everyone's health and it is also the drink that my mother likes.  
  
And most importantly, it's my mother's birthday cake, I will order red cake, because red is my mother's favorite color. In addition, I will never forget the decoration of the birthday party for my mother.  
  
I hope she will be very happy and happy on that day.  
  
Thank you for listening and watching.
Writing this presentation based on an actual event is a nice approach. At the very least, it gives you a specific type of party to plan and write about. However, you do not really need to mention a month and date for the party since the requirement is for you write about a party in general. So these specifics are not really needed.  
  
In the description of the family members who will be attending the party, you mention "my sister" twice. Is this an error? A repeated reference? If you are referring to 2 different sisters, then you should mention if one is older and the other is younger or say "my 2 older sisters" to use a correct numerical ordinal for them in the presentation. By the way, you are only 21 years old right? How can you have grandchildren at that age? This is reference error in the presentation.  
  
Additionally, the reference to lemonade "made by myself" is a bit confusing in reference as "by myself:" often means a person is alone. You can instead say "lemonade I am making myself" since you are looking into a future reference.  
  
The explanation itself is simple and uses imperfect English. However, you still manage to make yourself understood. You were able to discuss how you plan to prepare for your mother's birthday, which is the point of the essay. Grammar issues aside, it is understandable enough for an English native speaker to understand. That is not to say that you should not try to use properly structured English sentences though. You definitely have to do that.
## the percentage of New Zealand population 1950 - 2050

  
  
The given graph illustrates the proportion of four different age groups in the total population of New Zealand in 1950,1990,2000 and the estimation of 2050.  
Overall, there is a decline in the percentage of people from 25 to 37 while the opposite trend was seen in others. In addition, the people of age over 65 consistently have the largest figures throughout the period, even though a considerable decrease was seen in the latter of the period.  
  
In 1950, the percentage of senior citizens started at 60%, after which it saw a gradual rise to reach its peak at 70% in 1990, before declining to about 63% 10 years later. Similar changes, but to a lesser extent, were seen in the figure for people from 38 to 45, which grew from roughly 25% to almost 50% then decreased to precisely 40% in 2000. 5% of infants and teenagers lived in New Zealand in the first 40 years, with a significant increase to 10% in 2000. Meanwhile, opposite changes can be seen in the figure for people from 25 to 37, which decreased steadily from over 20% to exactly 10% in 2000.  
  
By 2050, the population of people aged over 65 and from 25 to 37 is expected to drop at the same rate, reaching 55% and 0% respectively. By contrast, the figures for the young will increase by 10 percent whereas the middle-aged is predicted to maintain stable at 40%.  
  
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*line graph*
four different age groups  
Specified as? Kindly give importance to every summarized aspect of the presentation. Each information piece you share should be highlighted in its own sentence to help the reader avoid information confusion. Information confusion normally occurs when more than 1 idea is shared per sentence. This is commonly known as a run-on sentence.  
  
from 25 to 37  
age over 65  
Do not included specific information in the trending section. These should be presented as general observations, with the full data reference being provided in the reporting, analysis, and comparison paragraphs. This trend is good, but should have avoided direct information references. You can be vague in this reference area.  
  
Overall, the analysis appears to be well thought out and developed. However, the writer could learn how to write shorter comparative sentences to save on draft writing time. More time should be spent on the proofreading and finalization of the analytical report. Good job just the same.
## Modern slavery

  
  
According to the Cambridge dictionary, "Modern slavery is the condition of being forced by threats, violence to work for little or no pay and having no power to control what work you do, or where you do it". However, nowadays, slavery can manifest itself in ways that are more veiled, from forced child labor to self-depreciation to suit a pattern, and unconsciously, we all are slaves of our society and ourselves.  
  
From a very young age, they taught us what to think and how to act, creating labels and fitting ourselves to them. Using the media to create new trends, to say what is pretty and what is not, as George Orwell said, "The mass supports the brand, the brand sustains the media and the media controls the mass" thus, media creates a standard to enslave and exploit the population. Therefore, in every part of our lives, society expects us to do or to be something. Take the first step at one year old, start talking at three, and learn how to read at five, those are what "normal" kids do, otherwise, you will be too late, creating a feeling of inadequacy and competitiveness, when we always do our best, but it's not enough, so we keep fighting each other as they want us to do.  
  
Moreover, time is another thing that makes us slaveries of our society, have you ever heard the phrase: "Time is money" even though it looks like a metaphor is the reality of the system that we are in nowadays. The movie "In time" showed us how capitalism works in our civilization, where rich people have time while the poorest may count every second. This system often puts us in very precarious working conditions, because it needs money to survive, and it takes work to get money, still, a good job requires education, however, huge companies don't want to people get knowledge, because if so, then these people will have opportunities and a perspective of future and will no more be treated as slaves of this cycle which just benefits the richest part of the society.  
  
Mark as edited and lock post  
In conclusion, it looks like that the reality that we are living, it's not too different than the last century, Modern Slavery is just another term to demonstrate what society has been doing all over this time, using people in benefit of those who get the power, turning us into marionettes of the system and slaveries of our minds.
they taught us  
Who taught this lesson? Where is the historical and factual basis of this claim? Deliver an establishing foundation for this claim first.  
  
George Orwell said  
Not everyone is familiar with this person. Explain who he is and why his opinion as you state it, is important tp the discussion.  
  
so we keep fighting each other as they want us to do.  
What is this assumption based on? Where is the establishing fact and evidence that proves that we are historically wired to fight due to inadequacy? How does this claim relate to slavery in modern times?  
  
The movie "In time" showed us how  
Good sample and explanation.  
  
huge companies don't want to people get knowledge  
This is once again, an unfounded claim that has no basis in reality. If people do not gain knowledge and evolve as a capitalist society, our society will cease to exist. Your arguments are not based on facts or research.
## Importing food from different parts of the world

  
  
***Today many countries import food from different parts of the world. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend.***  
  
In this days and ages, with the flourishing of international commerce, even goods like food and consumables are being imported by many countries all over the world. While some people may hold an unfavourable view towards this change, I fully believe that this is a positive development.  
  
On the one hand, it is understandable why imported food receives such objections. First and foremost, in order to travel from one country to another, food ingredients such as vegetables and fish need a large number of preservatives to maintain their freshness and remove the risks of being spoiled in the transportation process. However, the overuse of chemical additives has been scientifically proven to pose long-term threats to people's health, and too much preservative intake can lead to many cardiovascular diseases, including stomach aches or food poisoning. Additionally, because of tariff and import duties, the market prices of foreign food are always significantly higher than the native ones, thus making them inaccessible to the poor.  
  
Be that as it may, I'm convinced that imported food should not be ignored for certain reasons. First of all, the increasing diversity of food provides consumers with more options of exotic tastes and experiences that local people have not had previously. For example, in today's society, it is effortless for Vietnamese people to savour foreign delicacies such as cherry from Australia or Blue Berries from Europe. Moreover, food exportation has been a major source of income for many countries all over the world, including Vietnam, as the third-world country can export their rare and surplus food to other parts of the world in exchange for foreign money, which can help to boost their economy. Another point that is worth mentioning is that importing food can ensure a country with food stocks, which would help the country to scrap through in case of emergencies such as a tsunami or long-term drought where the agricultural areas have been seriously damaged.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that we would gain more than we lose if food is allowed to be imported from different parts of the world.
In this days and ages,  
This is a memorized phrase that does not help enhance the score for the presentation. Had you started immediately with the second sentence, you would have received an immediate score boost in the ta section.  
  
I fully believe that this is a positive development.  
As well as you did in the restatement section, this opinion, which changes the original discussion instruction will cause the ta section to fail. The reason? An incorrect response format. You were asked to give a general, non personal opinion based advantage v. disadvatage discussion. You are instead discussing a personal positive or negative opinion. You changed the discussion instruction. Prompt fail.
Would you please give feedback on my writing? Thank you so much!  
  
## Destination of graduates and postgraduates in UK

  
  
The bar chart indicates the number of UK graduate and post-graduate students in four different destinations after leaving college in 2008.  
  
we can see that the most of graduates and postgraduates in the UK decided to study further in 2008. Besides, voluntary work was not the common choice of those who finished college.  
  
Almost 30,000 graduate students kept studying more after they graduated by the year 2008. The number of students having part-time jobs was nearly equal to the quantity of those who were unemployed, at 17,735 and 16,235 students respectively, while volunteers were just 3500 students after college.  
  
On the other hand, the majority of postgraduates took part-time works (2,535 students) and further education (2,725 students) in 2008, which are the highest figures shown on the second chart. Similar to graduate students, only 345 UK postgraduate students did voluntary work, whereas unemployed students were much higher with 1625 students.  
  
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four different destinations  
Incorrect phrase usage. You are unfamiliar with the definition of a destination. A destinatiion is defined as the place to which a person or thing travels or is sent. In this case, the graduates are not sent to any of the 4 areas. Rather, these are occupations or work oppotunities that they seek out upon graduation or leaving school. Correct word usage is important for 2 things:  
  
- It shows your proper knowledge of English vocabulary  
- It lessens the changes of LR deductions in that scoring section. This section is concerned with correct word usage, based on the definition of the word  
  
we can  
The first letter of the first word must be capitalized as per English grammar writing rules. That is because it signifies the start of a sentence or thought presentation.