dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
~~A~~The maps ~~is presented for analysis of~~ illustrate how the village ...  
... be found ~~between~~ during this period of time~~1995 and this year~~ which will be detailed as follows. ~~They will be summarized ...~~  
  
..., along which facilities(infrastructures is a better word in my opinion) were and are built.  
  
... the road froming a series of shops.  
  
(This paragraph lists what it is in the map, without any transitions and comparisons. Using comparative sentences in such tasks is a key for achieving a good mark. If I were you I would classify different parts of the village into different sites: seaside, greenfield, and residential areas, then I would compare them in the two times given: 1995 and present)
9! Definitely a 9! You did it! You managed to accurately present the comparison chart without presenting information that isn't in the chart. There is a clear analysis of the given images and your explanations are right on the mark. I could not score you any less for this. The grammar is perfect with very minor corrections to be made. Speaking of corrections, because the the illustration marked the other drawing as "present" then, in order to keep with the theme and show that you know how to properly use keywords, instead of saying "this year", you should have said "and the present year". If you will recall, I once informed you about the way that keywords, placed and used in the right context within the essay can increase your overall score, this is one of those essay writing situations. Also, rather than saying "some of them", it would have been more appropriate to say "while some areas remained intact..." use synonyms whenever you can for the LR scoring considerations. About the farmland, it is bordered "by" not bordered "with". You could have also said, "The forest park merged with the farmland." Or a similar take on that presentation. Excellent work.  
  
If I may, I would like to go back for a moment to the discussion about the "hypermart" essay. I have just one thing to tell you about that. Since the diagrams never indicated where the hypermart was going to be located, your assumptions become flawed. It is not based on a proposal to be found in the diagrams and hence, becomes heresay or an exaggeration without evidence to support it. You should have merely indicated that the hypermart was proposed to be located within one of those areas and at the moment, no definite location had been set for its building. That is what is evident in the essay and should have been presented. That was the missing information from that illustration that you did not catch on to while you were analyzing the proposal maps. There was no call for you to make observational comments because no additional information was provided to require such an assumption on your part. Remember, if it's not on the map, it doesn't go in the report. You will need to learn how to word your essays to suit instances such as these when proposals are made, but no definite areas are marked on the map for its use.
Hi i have written an introduction for Cambridge 7,test 2 , task2 writing , could someone please check this for me?!  
  
**Some people believe that there should be fixed punishment for each type of crime...**  
  
## considering the state of affairs when judging a crime

  
  
Punishment for each type of crime was often a prominent rule in societies. That is why logically it caused a differ on point of views. Some people are of the opinion that there should be firm considered penalization. Others, however believe that the state of affairs on one's discrete crime or the inducement for committing it should unceasingly be taken into consideration, when determining on the punishment. My opinion is definitely on the latter.
Jalaleh, I would have been very happy to review this introduction for you had you just not forgotten one thing, the original prompt. I can't assess the applicability of your restatement without the original as the basis for the analysis. What you gave me is just the topic for discussion. While I do need that information, I also need the topic discussion instruction in order to work on your review. What I can tell you is this though, your opening paraphrase is difficult to read. The GRA section of your opening statement is confusing and stressful on the reader. This will definitely give you a failing score in the C&C section. Your overall paragraph development is very weak and does not really deliver a clear thought process.  
  
I am not sure what you mean by discrete crime. You should not have used that term because it doesn't tie in with the statement you are trying to make in the sentence. You should have instead stuck with the presentation based on the "inducement" because that is easier to decipher in a confusingly developed sentence.  
  
Had you provided me with the original prompt requirement, I would have been able to give you a better example of the opening statement. Right now, I can only make a general comment on your opening paragraph. Please provide the complete original prompt next time.
**Agree or disagree? when teachers assign a project on which students must work together, the students learn much more effectively than when they are asked to work alone on projects? Use specific reasons and examples.**  
  
## working together on a project

  
  
Teachers practice different methods to teach their students. One way that many teachers prefer to do is to ask students to work together in their project. However, in my opinion working together for projects causes several problems. First, the learning process needs personal experiences which might not happen in a group project and second, it might results in conflict, eventually.  
  
To begin with, learning effectively has different steps which one of them is working in groups. However, when students are in its initial step, working together is much of a problem than the answer. Consider as an example that two students want to make a woody bicycle, none of them have enough experience working with wood which results in not finishing the job.  
  
On the other hand, if one of them has enough experience and others lack such experiences, the end result would be a division between group members. This happens because the student with more experience cannot stand others to made mistake and he or she wants to be the dominant person which this behavior disturbs the other members. Finally, it will either end up in a conflict or a situation where the experienced student should finish the job because others are reluctant to participate. These outcomes are completely opposite of the intended goals.  
  
Nevertheless, there are some points in working together that helps children in the future. For instance, students can learn how to stand different attitudes and manners in a cooperative environment.  
  
Overall, when it comes to working in group different results might influence the outcome but learning effectively is not achievable until students have already learned the basic principles.
Behzab, you are not discussing this essay in the proper manner. The prompt indicates that this is an agree or disagree essay that must be supported by reasons and examples. What you presented in the paraphrase was the impression that this will be an opinion paper based on a discussion of the two points of view. That is an unacceptable prompt alteration. It is an alteration because it does not provide insight in the manner that is dictated by the original prompt. Since this essay does not properly address the TA requirements, your score will be a low 2 because it barely responds to the task. Your opening statement is not even a representation of the TA requirements as it does not paraphrase the original presentation that was provided to you. The paragraph discussion is too busy presenting various reasons and not enough examples. This caused an incoherent and non-cohesive presentation for your discussion. Again, the biggest problem the essay has is the prompt deviation. You should have simply said you do not agree with the idea that students should work together on a project then defended your solitary stance on the matter. Again, when there is a choice to be made in the discussion, only one discussion development should be presented. If one is asked to "discuss both opinions", then you can do a comparative discussion of the two sides.
This is a agree-disagree prompt and the way that you started the introduction of your essay is not a good way to start agree disagree prompt.  
  
at the first of your essay you should state that you agree or disagree, then go through completion of your introduction.  
as well at the end of your essay in conclusion you should state it again but not the same words as in the introduction, by paraphrasing.  
  
for example:  
I disagree the statement that teachers should practice different methods to teach their students, because it causes many problems which i will discuss as follow.....  
  
and about your paragraphs:  
your two last paragraphs are not long enough.  
just one sentence as a paragraph is not interesting.  
try to have at least five paragraphs including introduction, 3 body paragraph and conclusion.
**Thank you @Holt and @naseernasrati, you both are right.  
I change it tho this:**  
  
Teachers can assign individual or collaborative projects to students in order to teach them course material. Although there are some benefits to collaborative projects, I believe giving students group projects is not as effective as it seems because it might cause several problems.  
  
First, if a student does not contribute to the group, other members become reluctant to contribute, too. As a result, group members won't share their experiences and nobody learns anything. For instance, while my professor assigned a group project to us in the university, one student did't share his findings in the weekly sessions. After a while, other members began to do the same thing and suddenly, nobody shares his or her research. So we have just sat and talk about daily incidents without learning anything useful from the project. Additionally, in a two member group if a student won't contribute to the group, the whole responsibility might go over one person and consequently one student does not try enough finish the project.  
  
On the other hand, when you do a project alone you encounter many problems which leads you to do research and find a solution for them. While in a group work you are depending on others to solve the problems. Consider that your teacher gives you a programming assignment to write a website. If you work in group, you have to wait for your counterpart to design the website, therefore you won't learn how to design a website. While if you have worked alone, you could search for a tutorial and master it your self.  
  
Finally, even though collaboration can reduce the project time, it cannot teach students more effectively than when they work alone.
***Some people think it is necessary to use animals for testing medicines intended for human use. Others think it's cruel to do that  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion***  
  
## experimenting on animals

  
  
Parallel with the advance of medical , testing medicines intended for humans use is vital. To meet the requirment of doing it, we have no choice except to use animals. Nevertheless, its savagery is not approved by some people. While both sides are good at particualr aspects, it had better continue doing that.  
  
On the one hand, all of creatures' life must be respected. Therefore, inject viruses contained diseases to animals or feed them drugs then observe their reactions, in aspect of moral is wrong. Besides, animals are regarded as best friends of human. A lot of people abandoned by their son just accompanied by their loyal dog. And animals experiment sometimes is not accurate because of the difference between some parts of animals and human.  
  
On the one hand, some people argued that those antagonists' families have never had people is cured by drugs developed through experiment on animals. Sacrificing certain amounts of that can be justified if they can save human's life. Furthermore, the reliable and permanent alternative is not available. We have a basis to test on fauna : the resemblance between human and them such as structure cells..... and some species like rabbit, rat can be bred swiftly in laboratory.  
  
People have differing views of animals experiment and each people have their own arguments. From my perpesctive, if we don't do that, the medicine will be stagnant , and people will suffer epidemic because of few drugs are devised
JaYy, even though the construction of your opening paraphrase is a bit faulty, I was able to understand what you were trying to say. The grammar and sentence structure is definitely a problem throughout the essay but somehow, you got lucky and most of your sentences were understandable, with minimal stress posed on the reader. So that will be good for your score in the GRA section. It will however, pose a lower scoring consideration for you in the LR and C&C considerations.  
  
When you write the opening paraphrase, please do not forget to include the discussion instruction in the final sentence of your paragraph. It should indicate the discussion method to be performed in order to boost your TA score. So in this instance, you should have had a final sentence that read:  
  
*In this essay, I will discuss the points of view in support of and against animal testing. I will also provide my opinion in the later part of the discussion.*  
  
By the way, the most stressful part of your essay, as I read it, was the unclear final sentence in your first paragraph. I am not really sure what its purpose is and what it is meant to accomplish.  
  
Your discussion would probably have benefited more if you had tried to discuss only one supporting and one contradicting reason in separate paragraphs. That way you could have better explained your line of reasoning and also provided a clearer discussion pattern in the paragraph. After all , the instruction is to provide only one topic per paragraph in order to get a better C&C score.  
  
Your conclusion is unacceptable because it discusses your personal opinion. The personal opinion is never used to closed the discussion because that offers an additional information presentation to the reader. The conclusion should only remind the reader of what the previous discussion was all about in order to help them better understand what you said in the personal opinion part of the essay paragraphs.  
  
As for your personal opinion discussion.
***The map below shows three proposed sites for a new hypermarket (A, B and C) in the city of Pellington. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.***  
  
## hypermarket location proposition

  
  
The map given illustrates where a new hypermarket will be built in the city of Pellington. Three sites, A, B and C, have been brought forward for consideration. There difference will be summarized in this essay by making appropriate comparisons.  
  
Prior to a closer examination of each proposal, I will provide readers a panorama of the city with a population of 120,000. From the south a railway meanders west to Hampford 15 kilometers away, where 30,000 people live. It cuts through a large stretch of residential area, at the heart of which lie a traffic-free zone and an adjacent park. In the east there is a motorway that runs north, separating the residential area and the countryside.  
  
A is sited just west of the pedestrian zone, abutting the railway. Its position is favorable to residents, who can take a ride on train to do shopping, and even more so for people strolling around in the zone or the park, as they can walk here with ease to relish a dazzling collection of merchandises and services. The residents of Hampford will also stand to benefit, since it is just 15 kilometers train ride away. For all these advantages, there are drawbacks to A. It is not in the neighborhood of the airport to the southwestern corner, thus inconvenient to flyers, and situated opposite to an industrial belt, where smoke billowing from the chimneys will spoil shopping mood.  
  
These problems are even more pronounced for C. It is located in the southern end, at a distance from the airport and close to a larger industrial complex. Albeit in the countryside, it is fairly accessible, thanks to its proximity to the railway, allowing shoppers coming here by train.  
  
However, B does not have the redeeming feature. Situated in the northeastern corner, B is far from the residential area, let along the airport on the opposite side. Moreover, as no traffic line extends here, shoppers will have to make a trek. Perhaps the only advantage is that they will enjoy blue sky and fresh air, if a hypermarket is constructed in the countryside, distant from industrial areas.  
  
**Please feel free to give me advice. I would more appreciate it if you score my essay. I am trying to improve my English proficiency by keeping writing. My current focus is on map analysis.  
  
The essay contains 350 words. I think I've presented a comprehensive analysis of the sites and the practice is good to improve my writing. However, it's quite hard to do such a work in 20 minutes in an actual test (45 minutes was used here). So I'm considering compressing it into 250 words. Some details may be safely omitted and a question arises:  
  
Is it OK to delete the second paragraph to directly discuss the differences between A, B and C?**  
  
*
@LadyOfClockwork  
Hi, here are my suggestions:  
~~There~~Their difference  
Your second paragraph is hard to follow. For example you can simplify this long sentence: **Its position is favorable to ... and services.**  
B is far from both the residential area and the airport on the opposite side of the city.  
end~~, at a~~ faraway from the  
and your comparisons are not so bold maybe your paragraphs are not structured as it should be. For example structure your paragraphs based on features not places.
Gang, you can most certainly write 250 words within 20 minutes and get an excellent score. Working within that time frame to create the high standard of essay writing that could get you a high score needs to be achieved through constant practice though. Writing and writing until the analysis and writing part becomes so second nature to you, that you find 20 minutes too long for the writing task already. It seems difficult for now, but in reality, as you get better with writing over time, you will begin to find that you are writing the same length of essay within 20 minutes or less already.  
  
I believe that you are asking about the "trending" discussion that is represented in the second paragraph. Yes, you can safely omit that in this and any future essay that does not have a direct requirement for a "trending" presentation. The choice of what to include and not include in your essay is actually your own decision to make. You will be scored either way. So do what you feel you are comfortable doing or write how you feel the essay should be written based upon the allotted time frame. If you can bundle information for presentation in other paragraphs, then you can do that as well. You can combine information in an analytical essay, per paragraph. You just can't do that in the Task 2 essay because of differing writing requirements.  
  
With regards to your score for this essay. A funny thing happened as I reviewed your paper. I was looking at the map, trying to find the reference that would support your claim of "a dazzling collection of merchandises and services." I did not find any portion on the map or its description list that would support that claim. Neither was there a reference to "smoke billowing from the chimneys". So for the TA portion, you get a 5. For the rest of the scoring considerations, a 7.  
  
You now have a tendency to make up information as you write the essay, which makes it extremely difficult for you to complete the review of the presented work and the report workup within the allotted 20 minutes. That is why you took 40 minutes to write this essay. You found a need to make up and include information that wasn't in the original presentation. Don't do that. That is the best way to keep getting scored down in the test. Stick to the facts presented. Do not make up information unless it can be supported by visual evidence from the map.
**Hi, I tried to make my essay concise and eliminate imaginary information. Please feel free to give me advice. I'm doing my best to perfect my writing style.**  
  
The map illustrates where a new hypermarket is likely to be built in the city of Pellington. Three sites, A, B and C, have been brought forward for consideration. Their differences will be summarized in this essay by making appropriate comparisons.  
  
With a population of 120,000, Pellington has a railway that leads around west to Hampford, through a residential area surrounding a traffic-free zone and an adjacent park. To the east of the railway lies a motorway. It intersects an industrial complex to the north.  
  
A is sited just west of the pedestrian zone, close to the railway, a position favorable to strollers, and residents not merely in Pellington, but in Hampford. To arrive here only takes a 15 kilometers train ride for 30,000 people living in Hampford. However, A is also right opposite to an industrial belt. The noise of factory activities can dampen shopping mood.  
  
The problem is more pronounced for C, which is in proximity to the larger industrial zone. Located in the countryside, it is also outside the housing estate. However, it remains fairly accessible, thanks to its closeness to the railway.  
  
By comparison, B is even father from where people live. It sits on the northeastern corner of the city, without any traffic line communicating it with the city center. Yet the motorway is within a short distance, making it convenient for drivers to do shopping.  
  
These sites share one drawback that they are far from the airport in the southwestern extreme. When passengers alight from a plane, they will have to cover a distance to A or C. If the hypermarket is constructed in B, they must make a longer journey to feed their shopping appetite.  
  
***280 words***  
  
*
Gang, you have a fixation on shopping centers. That seems to keep popping up in this particular analysis of yours even though the map itself and its accompanying descriptions do not indicate the existence of a shopping center. An industrial complex does not include any shopping facilities because that is composed of factories and offices. I believe that you have a misunderstanding of the term "industrial" in this essay. Industries are composed of factories and manufacturing plants. There are no shopping meccas there. Stop indicating such things. There is no reference to noise from the industrial complex in relation to shopping either. Like I said, an industrial complex is different from a mixed use complex. A mixed use complex has both industrial and recreation facilities like a mini mall, which would relate to your discussion better. If it is not listed in the side bar, it is not implied in the drawing, it should not be included in your presentation. Stick only to images actually provided for the discussion. No additions of non-existent illustrated portions. Remember, explain within reasons supported by the illustration. Do not make up information or include information that is not visible in the image. You will lose major points for that. Everything else in the essay is fine in terms of analysis and information presentation.