dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Task:  
*It is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going to university.  
What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?*  
  
## experiencing a year break after high school graduation

  
  
Answer:  
It is more and more popular, nowadays, to experience a year break after high school graduation before starting a tertiary education. Although it is beneficial for the student as this will relax and condition the mind, there are some identified drawbacks attached.  
  
Firstly, one benefit of having a year off before entering into a higher education is mental conditioning and relaxing. This will allow the person to get rid of the accumulated stress from the previous schooling. As a result, she or he can start fresh and ready to face the possible extreme challenges. For example, a person can travel to other places,during a year break, to unwind and relax because one great vacation can give more positivity in the mind. Therefore, student will do great in his or her studies. Secondly, taking a year gap is advantageous for the reason that this will enable the student to completely prepare the necessities. Moreover, each and every university requirements and even the tuition fees are prepared and readily available. Thus, studying in a higher education after a break for one whole year will not be of an issue since everything needed is settled and ready.  
  
On the other hand, one problem of a year delay of entering college after finishing school is that the student might loose interest. In other words, the motivation to study will be gone or vanished and no longer felt. This might result to failures as she or he is not driven to do great. Another negative aspect is that the person will not proceed in continuing her or his university studies. Take for example, my sister, she stopped schooling for a year after her highschool graduation, and started to work in a famous bakery. By the time of enrollment, she told my parents that baking is her passion and decided to continue her job. Consequently, when taking a long break, which is one year, before enrolling to a tertiary school will make the student to forget the real value and importance of completing a higher education.  
  
In conclusion, while a student can benefit from a long-year break before studying for a higher education, it can also lead to loosing of interest to further study and the worst,she or he will not pursue her tertiary education.
Hi. Your essay is quite good in term of lexical resources and reasons provided. However, you were over discussing your essay, as you were just writing a "quantity" essay (wordy essay) but not a "quality" essay at all. In addition, because you wrote too much, so you did not pay heed to your grammar, therefore I've spotted some mistakes and weird structures in your essay, to name a few:  
  
It is more and more ... => Nowadays, it is more and more popular to experience...  
... start fresh and be ready . What is start fresh? You mean he or she can be in a good mood in order to face with later challenges?  
  
and the worst => and even in the worst scenario,....  
Hope it helps.
## Making the brick - several stages

  
  
The flow chart describes how bricks are manufactured in the construction sector.It is evident that there are 7 stages included in this process, from the initial the collection of raw material to the eventual transport of the finished goods. At the first stage in this process, clay which is dug from these ground will be evenly filtered through the mental grid to the roller.Afterwards, the roller conveys the broken clay to the next phases where water and sand are added to shape bricks.The bricks formation can be undertaken with the use of either mould or wire cutte.In the following step, the blocks of bricks will be arranged together in an oven to dry for maximum 2 days.Next, the stacks of bricks will go through a heating in a kiln with two different setting.They will be heated at a moderate and then at a higher level.After undergoing the heating process, the bricks are continued to cool down via a cooling chamber at least 2 days. Finally, the bricks are wrapped up in order to be delivered to site constructions.
As I can't see the flow chart, I can revise your grammer.  
......dug from these ground will be.......  
The nominal group has a wrong format. It must be these grounds.  
....or wire cutte.In the following step......  
I think you mean wire cut  
......two different setting.They.....  
To match the format of its nominal group, this noun should be in the plural form. (settings)  
Ihope this helps.
I started writing this university admission essay, but it turned out disastrous. I would appreciate ANY kind of opinion. The essay`s topic is - You have 650 words. Take a risk.  
  
## no success without risk?

  
  
In modern society taking a risk is usually presented as a good thing, as an opportunity to express yourself and bring innovation. But as much as society praises the courage to show your ideas, most of the time in actuality there are some repercussions.  
  
The greatest innovators have started in less than stellar conditions. The biggest companies - Apple, Microsoft, Amazon and Google have started in a basement or a garage. And their creators have often, in the beginning, been looked at as being the crazy inventor type of people that were constantly bombarded by the heavy hammer of social judgement. For an idea, no matter how good or revolutionary, to take shape it must be correctly presented and navigated onto the cold waters of society.  
  
The presentation of the idea, some would argue, is far more important than the idea itself, and I am inclined to agree with them. Take, by way of example, Thomas Edison. The famed American inventor who rose to prominence in the late 19th century because of his successes. For a long time he was widely acclaimed as the creator of many innovations, the most important of which was the light bulb. Nowadays we are offered a new view of his supposed creations, with the claims that Edison stole Nikola Tesla's inventions. But even with this information Thomas Edison will remain in history as the person who managed to bring the light bulb on the global stage and dethrone the millennial old non-electric light sources.  
  
In our modern age we are faced with a new challenge of equal, if not greater proportions, and that is fossil fuels. Climate change has become a problem of global magnitude and yet we hardly do much to change our current ways. The use of fossil fuels has become so entrenched in our society that most people cannot imagine a world without the roaring engines and the black smoke. Some say that there is no alternative to the current status quo, that no solution can fully replace the lifeblood of the world's economy. But others have decided to take a risk and try to present a realistic solution. The biggest proponent for post fossil fuel future is Elon Musk, who has not only created a viable electric car, but also a brand around it. The Tesla brand is the biggest attempt to make people see electric cars not as a sci fi futuristic idea, but as a reality.  
  
While this is a great way to popularize an idea it also shows the need to
@Leihn  
What is your structure in the essay? I suggest you  
1/ Have a clear structure and thesis statement for each section.  
2/ Using comparison the the gain and lost for taking risk-- the trade-off of your examples from famous people must be more detailed to see the side if they unluckily successful for what they gave up everything to chase for as *the risk is if they dont succeed*. Explain about their success does not make the risk highlighted.  
  
Best,
Andrey, when the essay prompt asked you to take a risk, what the instruction meant was for you to discuss something that you had taken a risk on. Something that will help the reviewer understand the kind of risk taker you are. Are you a non-risk taker, a moderate risk-taker, or a full-out, devil may care, I'll only live once kind of risk taker. You are not being asked to discuss risk, its factors, well-known risk takers, and the like. Your mindset as a person who takes a chance is what the reviewer wishes to get to know better in this essay. All of the essay prompts focus on one subject alone. YOU. You are always the main personality in all the essays because you are the one being interviewed for admission to the university. Not other people, not your understanding of others. Just you and your understanding of yourself. Don't muddle the issue. I can see why you might have been confused since the prompt is very general in coverage. You were right to ask for help because not everyone could have understood what the general prompt wanted in relation to specifics.
*Computers are being used more and more in education and so there will soon be no role for the teacher in education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?*  
  
## machinery cannot dominate education

  
  
In the age of modern technology, there has been immense advances in technology in most aspects of lives, particularly education. Many people are of the opinion that one day teachers will be obsolete in the classroom. I affirm that educator's position is irreplaceable in this area.  
  
Some people hold a belief that the role of teacher in the classroom starts to fade, giving place to computers for several reasons. First, there are a number of fundamental subjects which are able to be taught by computers. Pupils can do assignments and get answers easily using computers in some areas such as maths and languages as these subjects only require students to memorize the information through a process of repetition. As a result, programmed-computers can provide a multitude of questions and answers to students to handle with. However, this hinders the interaction between students and educators.  
  
All things considered, teachers still play a pivotal role in the classroom. Firstly, teacher can instruct and stretch students how to analyze and synthetize information efficiently and then give them appropriate feedbacks. Meanwhile, a computer is not adequate to evaluate mistakes or provide expanded concepts which are essential to enhance students' learning proficiency. Secondly, teachers can support students to develop other vital skills. A prime example is that through classroom activites designed and monitored by teachers, students can foster their critical thinking skill, creativity and team-work performance. Besides, teachers create motivations by honoring the academic achievements of the students.  
  
In conclusion, technology will not bring the best values into education system if we marginalize the role of teachers. Education is a crucial mission that machinery cannot dominate in any time. It would be much more efficient for us to use a computer with the teacher's guidance in the classroom.
Hello!  
  
Firstly, I think this is the start of a really good essay. However, I think there are a lot of holes in your argument. A better way to structure the essay may be to list a reason why people believe computers are better, and then give your opinion as to why that reason is not a good idea.  
  
For example,  
\*Pupils can do assignments ... process of repetition\* *However, having a teacher walk each student through the problem they are having can help them better understand any areas they are having difficulty. A computer is unable to properly identify the issue each individual student might have.*  
  
By doing this, you can make your argument stronger, and more persuasive.  
  
Secondly, there are some areas that just needed a little edit. Some might just be writing style preferences, but mostly grammar points~  
  
1. I affirm that the educator's ... in ~~this area~~ the classroom.  
2. ... the role of the teacher ~~starts~~ is starting to fade OR Some people hold a belief that the teachers role is starting to fade . . .  
3. ... and answers ~~to~~for students to handle ~~with~~.  
4. Firstly, teachers can instruct and stretch students. . . \*I don't know what you mean by stretch, this doesn't really make sense\*  
5. how to analyze and synthetize. . . \*I'd just say "How to analyze information"\* \*Synthetize doesn't match this sentence\*  
4&5: Firstly, teacher can instruct and stretch ... -> Firstly, teachers can instruct students how to analyze information efficiently, and then give ...  
6. critical thinking skills,  
7. Besides, teachers create motivations ... -> Teachers also motivate students by recognizing their academic achievements.  
8. ... values into our education system  
9. ... for us to use a computer with the teacher's ... \*\*This doesn't match your argument\*\*
## Writing task 2: Academic Topic

  
  
Topic: *Many people use distance-learning progammes (study material, post, TV, the Internet, etc.) to study at home, but some people think that it cannot bring the same benefits of attending college or unversity. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?*  
  
Nowadays, an increasing number of people are concerned about the efficiency of distance education. However, whether the school maintains the traditional learning method or carries out this new reform in education has cause heated debate. My view is that self-study should be encouraged and even become more widely adopted for the following reasons.  
  
First, It is obviously that self-educated course motivates the learners to think critically and independently. Because they themselves have to look for the study materials from a huge teaching resources and then check whether the documents found are right and needed. Thereby, students could have a general knowledge and deeply understand about information. Besides, the autodidacts could save time traveling around and thus avoid meeting with unexpected accidents.  
  
In addition, as the fast-paced development of the internet, the term "Online learning" has emerged and then quickly received a lot of attention and positive feedback from parents, students, and those working in the educational field. Dekiru - a website for learning Japanese is a good case in point. The educational system of this website is organized professionally. There's a list of Japanese courses corresponding to different levels from basic to advanced. In each course, there are lesson-related videos, documents and exercises for learners to practice after finishing the theoretical part. All you need is just a device that be able to get access to the Internet.  
  
That is not to say that class attendance is not necessary, it is an important part of the academic process and should be considered both a privilege and a responsibility. In term of service providers, however, schools should give top priority to meet their customers' real needs and due to all the advantages of self-education below, it's worth to take into consideration.  
  
In conclusion, distance education could partly replace the traditional education, provide enough information, reduce the inconvenience and thus return a positive result in education. Meanwhile, we should not ignore the class attendance's effects. Only by doing so can we make progress in learning.
Le, you have not discussed the essay based upon the original prompt instructions. You were being asked to represent your status of agreement or disagreement with the given statement. You are not being asked about your point of view and the reasons for it. However, your reasons could have easily supported a measured response statement in relation to the given prompt. The instructions were:  
  
*Original: To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?  
Your Response: My view is that self-study should be encouraged ...*  
  
The original prompt asked you to respond with either an agreement or disagreement with opinion based upon the degree of your support for one of the two statements. It is not asking about your personal point of view using personal reasons. You totally changed the prompt instructions will result in a failing score of 1 for the TA section, thus failing the essay overall.  
  
The problem lies in the way that you discussed the topic for the essay. Here is a better illustration of exactly how and why the mistake occurred on your part:  
  
*Original Discussion: Many people use distance-learning progammes (study material, post, TV, the Internet, etc.) to study at home, but some people think that it cannot bring the same benefits of attending college or unversity.  
  
Your Discussion: ... self-study should be encouraged and even become more widely adopted for the following reasons....*  
  
Using the above outline, you can clearly see where and how your prompt deviation occurred. The change in discussion slant is what made the essay fail in the overall TA consideration. Once the essay does not get a high TA score, it is always guaranteed to fail in the overall score due to the additional mistakes incurred in the LR, GRA, and C&C section of the scoring criteria. These all combine to create a failing score. The C&C automatically gets a failing score as well because it is not discussing the correct elements based on the original discussion topic throughout the essay.
Yiur essay is quite confusing. From where I stand, You didn't clarify your opinion whether you agree or disagree. Also, according to TOEFL rubric, your level of english in vocab and grammer is intermediate, you must use more advanced words to get higher score. Also, you use all types of sentences like complex, compounded, and compounded-complex sentences.  
  
If you wrote this essay in 30 min. I think you will get between 20 and 25 no more no little.  
Focus in your mistakes and avoid it next time.
## I will examine both sides of the argument and give my opinion

  
  
*Some prefer online courses to study and they think it is better. Others prefer classroom education. Discuss both views and share your opinion.*  
  
In the modern era, doing online course or receiving classroom education have become a highly controversial issue. There are those who feel that taking online course is better than receiving classroom education however other believe otherwise. In this essay I will examine both sides of compelling argument and provide my overall opinion.  
  
From an overall perspective, there are two primary reasons why people believe strongly that taking online course is more beneficial than attending a class in person. Perhaps the cogent reason why people are in favour of this notion is because online course saves money. This is because students do not have to pay for travel. For a particular example, a Vietnamese student taking English lesson does not have to travel a long way to UK, which means money saving. A further point in particularly favour this idea is that students can study anytime. For a classic instance, a student can study during 1-hour break time at work. Unlike in the dim and distant past when the Internet was not available, students nowadays can meet their online teachers at midnight.  
  
Despite these strong arguments, there is also a case for the idea that classroom education is better than Internet-based course. Perhaps the sound reason why people are in favour of this idea is that students can sharpen social skills in class. An excellent illustration of this is that a student, who is having argument with other student over a heated issue, learns how to supress black anger. A further point in greatly favour of this notion is that in classroom education student acquires critical thinking skills. For a typical example, during a debate, students have to formulate solid reasons.  
  
In conclusion, having considered both sides of argument, I would have to say that online course is advantageous for students with limited time availability and geography restrictions and classroom education for social skills development and critical thinking training. If a student could take both online course and classroom education, he would be a more successful student.
there are some repetition of words that you should consider to use other synonyms or different ways of expression. The arguments are not strong enough I suppose. You should give more explanations or examples to better illustrate your points. For example, with the first argument, u can say: The preference of taking correspondence courses might be attributed to the less expenses students have to pay for their study. For instance, ...  
  
... reasons why people STRONGLY BELIEVE that taking ... because online courseS save money. ... to pay for travelLING. .... long way to THE UK, which means money saving (REDUCE THE EXPENSES...).  
  
... Internet-based courseS.  
with other studentS over ...  
studentS MIGHT acquire ...
Dewa, your essay could use stronger adjectives in its presentation. Rather than using the term "strong arguments", try to win the reader over to the existing side of the discussion by using more convincing adjectives other than strong. Words like convincing, compelling, and persuasive in reference to the term "arguments" offer a more authoritative support for your discussion presentation. It also shows a less common vocabulary usage which could help to increase your LR score.  
  
Don't present uncertain thoughts such as "Perhaps the sound reason..." Use conviction at all times to create a strong TA representation. Use the phrase; "The sound reason..." to offer a clear understanding of what you want to say. Since you are speaking for one side of the discussion, you cannot be uncertain when representing the thoughts of others. You need to present it in a manner that the supporter would by using convincing representations of the statement. By the way, know when to use "a" and "an". When the next word starts with a vowel such as "for example", "an" is the indefinite article to be used.  
  
Please always remind yourself that your paragraph sentence presentation can only be between 3-5 sentences. So do not over-discuss a paragraph by trying to use 2 reasons in one paragraph. For this type of essay, you have 3 reasoning paragraphs to use. 2 for the public points of view and one for your personal opinion. The personal opinion cannot be the concluding paragraph of the essay. The personal opinion is always one of the 3 reasoning paragraphs. The conclusion is known as the concluding summary which should merely reiterate the presented discussion topics, its reasons, and your personal opinion, as a reminder to the examiner who by then, should be ready to grade your essay.  
  
Overall you had a good approach to this essay for a first timer. You had some missteps but that is to be expected when one first writes this type of essay. With enough practice runs, you should be able to overcome these minor difficulties and start scoring in the 5.5 and above range in no time. I look forward to guiding you towards at least a 7.5 for your actual test score.
## society pressure on kids

  
  
In this day and age,in some countries, the quantities of young people put an end to their life because they have little leisure time and under pressure to study hard of which there are a variety of causes.  
  
First and foremost, family pressure, all parents want their children to get good achievement. From that, they apply a wealth the of methods which they think they can take something to help their children learn better. But instead of instructing their children to learn, they use acts of violence to educate them. And for almost parents,the failure is a big enemy. So they do not allow their children to violate. this makes them feel so stressful.  
  
secondly,the network of education has been being improved. Education program becomes difficult and put more pressure on students.It acquires students to spend more time learning and preparing their lessons, seeing that they do not have enough time to relax and entertain.  
  
Finally, society pressure, in the modern society, the job which you get depends on the qualification you have.As the result, they always try them best for their future.  
  
I have the feeling that we should persuade parents to decrease in putting pressure on their children and school should teach effectively instead of getting achievement.