dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## the bridge to link people together

  
  
During the past 10 years, with more and more intelligent inventions are created by the development of technology, we can not but mention computers. From all walks of life, people make everyday life easier by using computers, especially for undergraduate learners. As we know, a computer is necessary for college students for three reasons: taking online courses, keeping connection and doing some research.  
  
First and foremost, due to the serious impact of COVID-19 in our life, many countries have come up with a solution that creates an online learning network which can help students access to classes and discuss in groups easily. Furthermore, studying online requires more self-motivation and time-management skills because college students have to live with deadlines and try to not fail the course.  
  
Secondly, computers can help to keep connecting with long-distance friends and family over email and social networks. For instance, many students move away from their hometown to get to their universities in the different locations and time by time they will feel burdened on their shoulders and need encouragement from their families. So the best way to communicate is using face-time, text message and voicemail through social networks and other utility apps.  
  
Last but not least, when the computer connects to the internet, your choices and available options are almost limitless. Undoubtedly, students are the one who needs information to help their learning as well as improve their knowledge and with just one click, vast amounts of results will show up for in less than a minute.  
  
To sum up, the use of computers in education has increased dramatically in a positive way. The more effective computer is, the more students use it to maintain close relationships with family and friends, study online and above all, find information on the internet. Therefore, computer is regarded as essential tools for students to catch up with innovative technology in modern society. Whereby, in the near future computers will make enormous breakthroughs as the bridge to link people together.
Please limit your writing in the task 2 part of the essay to no more than 290 words. When you are given 40 minutes to write the essay, the time should be allotted as follows:  
  
- 5 minutes to read and analyze the given prompt  
- 5 minutes to outline your discussion topics / reasons to be discussed  
- 10 minutes to write the draft version  
- 10 minutes to review the essay and apply additional discussions where you feel it is needed  
- 10 minutes to review and finalize the content  
  
Judging by how many tasks you have to complete within 40 minutes, I am sure you can understand why it will be difficult for you to write 332 words within the 40 minute task. It won't be hard to keep track of the word count. If you are taking the computer test, you will see the word count on the screen. If you are taking the pencil test, count the lines you have written, you need at least 20-25 lines to meet the word requirement.  
  
Now, I have a problem with reviewing your essay for relevant content. You did not include the original prompt, which is required with every posting, so I cannot review this prompt accuracy. I'll have to limit my review to grammar issues and the advice I gave you about the word count above.  
  
Cannot is the negative form of the verb "can". Therefore, it should not be written as "can not". Avoid using repeated words in your presentation as these come across as either memorized or over used expressions. So "more and more" should simply be "more". The same goes for "walks of life" which can be replaced with "social classes" or "levels of society". There are several other errors in your work but I believe that these will make for a good start to correcting your GRA errors.
## should foreign visitors pay more than locals for cultural and historical attractions?

  
  
Thesesday, everyone is drawn into work so much that it is essential to have vacation. It is argued that foreign travellers should spend more money than local visitors for cultural and historical attractions. I totally disagree with this statesment.  
  
First and foremost, paying higher price may make visitors feel unfair and create bad image of the host country. Overseas travellers have to spend money on a wide range of services, including food, accomdation, and souvenirs; therefore, they will find it is partial to pay higher price. As a result, the host country may be considered as inhospitable and unwelcoming.  
  
Secondly, if foreign tourists realize that they have to pay more for cultural and historical attractions in a particular nation, they will decide not to travel that country. Thus, the investing money in travelling services of that country cannot be refunded. Consequently, that nation's income will dramatically decrease, which has negative effects on the economy. Additionally, the host country also has lower chances to advertise its customs, scenery, and people. As few tourists come to visit, other countries do not have any information about that nation. Hence, it will decrease the oppoturnities to cooperate with continental countries.  
  
All in all, making overseas tourists pay higher price is not ideal. Therefore, it is better to balance the attractions' price between foreign visitors and local ones.
@yucacherry  
Despite of the coherence of the answer. I want to mention some points  
1. Avoid typos as you will lose marks  
2. Use proper formal words, such as 'firstly' instead of 'first and foremost' and 'finally' or 'to sum up' instead of 'All in all'  
3. It will be better that you use 'completely disagree' rather than 'totally disagree'.
There is a very big problem with this essay that you missed. This is a task 2 essay. You have 40 minutes to write it. There is a word minimum count of 250 words. When you do not write 250 words, you will find that the examiner will deduct points from your task accuracy score. There is a corresponding score percentage deducted for the missing word count. The deductions in this section are often enough to prevent a student from reaching a 5 band score.  
  
Now having reviewed the content of your essay, I have to say, you were on the right track with your reasoning presentation. However, the clarity and coherence of your essay was affected in the third paragraph. That is because you put in a series of throw away sentences in the first half, instead of focusing on the second part which actually tied in with the previous discussion in a very strong manner. A better presentation would have been:  
  
*As a result, the host country may be considered as inhospitable and unwelcoming.  
  
Consequently, that nation's income will dramatically decrease...cooperate with continental countries.*  
  
Do you see how the paragraph would have flowed smoothly from one discussion to the next related discussion? It would have been so smooth and clear in a topic for discussion sort of way that could have boosted your C&C score. Since the first reasoning paragraph spoke of the economics of visiting the attractions, the effect on the national economy would have made sense as a follow up discussion reason.  
  
You have several spelling errors in the essay which will definitely pull down your LR and GRA score:  
  
Theseday = These days  
statesment - statement  
accomdation = accommodation  
oppoturnities = opportunities  
  
You are also lacking a proper concluding paraphrase, that should have at least 3 sentences presented in it also. I think that is the reason why you did not meet the minimum word count. You did not thoroughly discuss the essay in a manner that would have allowed you to write at least 250 words. I have not even considered the GRA errors in this instance but you should already see why your essay will not meet a 5 band score.
## The problem of violence increase at schools

  
  
**School should be a safe environment for learning and developing, however, school violence seems to be increasing. Where does this problem come from? What should we do to change the situation?  
  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.**  
  
One of the biggest concerns of society these days is violence in the educational environment. Year by year, there is a snowball effect in the number of cases and the extent to which the victims are undergone by bullying has also more become severely. This essay will analyze the reasons and gives solutions to this grave issue.  
  
It is undeniable that the insufficient ability to restrain emotions is one-factor giving rise to students to abuse another. Yet pupils are not fully developed, they are undergoing the period of pubescence and are incapable of self-soothing, the injuries are irrevocable on their mates. Furthermore, those who are brought up in a dysfunctional family or shortage the affection from their parents are more prone to lease out the trauma by repeating the same things they had to go through on others as a sign of impotence. Take a case in Hung Yen as an example, the bullies are all living afar from their parents, they have no one to breathe down on their neck since the first day of their birth, it is no bizarre they bully as pride and joy.  
  
Actions must be taken promptly to solve this problem. It is worth considering to enhance students of self-consciousness about the degree to which bully affects for all intents and purposes by opening extracurricular classes and let parents be involved in. In these classes, ensure that pupils are taught in-depth of the outcome that bully brings about. At the same time, modifying the schools' regulation, make it more rigorous and thorough so that no one can bend the regulation, make such a mess in an educational environment.  
  
To conclude, society should pay more attention to students' life and put an end to the violence increasingly occurring.
@Heliophilia  
Your essay has quite good grammar and the vocabulary you use is fairly accurate. However, the structure is not very clear which may make you lose your score in C&C. Your paraphrase in the introduction is not comprehensive as you did not state the first idea of the topic, you gave a background statement which is not necessary. In some culture, students are taught at an early age to always include a background statement in the introduction but you have to be aware that you are writing in English so do not go around the bush, jump straight to the point  
  
Your second paragraph presented two idea explaining the cause of bullying: lack of ability to restrain emotion and lack of care from family. However, you did not develop your idea fully. I recommend you state only one idea and explain how and why it lead to bullying then illustrate it with example. The same thing happen with your third paragraph. You should try to develop your idea fully.  
  
Your conclusion did not summary your main point. I recommend you revise it.
Your opening paraphrase suffers from improper topic rephrasing and being unable to respond directly to the questions posed by the original prompt. There is a lack of an outline in your paraphrase that is required for the clarity of your discussion / topic outline. The outline shall contain the subject / topic for each of the 2 paragraph responses.  
  
The outline should indicate, per paragraph presentation:  
Par. 2: One reason, properly explained with a supporting explanation  
Par. 3: One solution in relation to the reason provided. Explained either from personal knowledge, experience, or observation.  
  
Since the discussion topic uses the first person plural pronoun "we", then the same group reference pronouns should be several times within the essay. You will have to use a different plural first person pronoun in every paragraph.  
  
Since bullying and is not mentioned in the original prompt, it should not be focal point of your discussion topic. A more accurate paraphrase:  
  
*While academic insitutions are seen as safe havens for students to develop their intellect and other person skills, the reality is that assaults on the learners while at the institution of learning is increasing. Based on the experience of various students, they believe that one of the reasons that this seems to be happening is because of bullying in schools. Their proposed solution to this problem is the creation of anti tormenter programs in the halls of learning.*
Q.  
## When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration.

  
***To what extent do you agree or disagree?***  
  
Nowadays, many people choose their profession based on the amount of money they can earn from it. To certain extent I agree with this notion, however, I also believe that one should consider other factors while determining their job.  
  
Every job has numerous areas that a job seeker needs to carefully examine. Firstly, a job should be considered only in the persons's field of interest. Choosing a job (with little to no knowledge or experience) based on rumors of high-return will only turn out to be detrimental for one's career. Secondly, one should also think about the work environment in the organization. The level of satisfaction that one gains from a job is largely determined by the nature of their colleagues and leader in the group. Apparently, surrounding oneself with trustworthy and supportive friends in the workplace helps the person to achieve greater success in their profession.  
  
All aforementioned things need to be considered while searching for a job,however it is unwise to rule out the monetary factor. After all, money is required for the fulfillment of our basic needs of food, water and accommodation. At a time where the cost of all forms of services including that of health, education and entertainment are ever rising, it becomes further important for people to earn more than just for their basic necessities in order to sustain their quality of life. Apart from this, people who are underpaid or have a low salary jobs get frequently in trouble with money lenders and landlords. In the end, having to deal regularly with them and many other unpaid bills as well causes stress and other mental issues in the person.  
  
In conclusion, the salary is as much important as rest of the factors while looking for a suitable job. Considering it properly during a job selection allows one to live a prosperous life with less stress from money-related problems.
As a single opinion essay, your response will lose points for improper formatting. You have not presented a clear response / position on the given topic. Being an extent essay, you should only focus on defending one side of the discussion. This is not a C&C or A/D prompt. Only those two prompts allow you take a middle ground position in the discussion. In an extent essay, you must choose to defend only one side because, just like the other Dis/Agree essays, you are required to show your familiarity with the given discussion topic using only one point of view. You will not score more points for being undecided. You will lose points for it. Indecision has no place in the essay.  
  
There is a reason you were told you show whether you agree or disagree. You were not asked "Why do you think both sides are correct?" Which is basically what you are discussing the essay. Which, is not related to the prompt discussion requirements. So expect to lose points heavily for your inability come to a decision regarding the question you were asked.  
  
You should have outlined the essay before you wrote about it. Within the 5-10 minutes of outline time provided, you could have created 2 columns. One column represents the reasons you agree with the statement, the other, the disagreement reasons. Which ever column had more reasons would have been the stance you took in the essay. That is how you would have been able to create the proper response to the extent essay. Based on the number reasons you presented, you could have shown an emotional response in accordance with the discussion requirements.
## difficulties of living in a city

  
  
More and more people are migrating to cities in search of a better life, but city life can be extremely difficult. Explain some of the difficulties of living in a city. How can governments make urban life better for everyone?  
  
Increasing of villager move to urban area have become a social phenomenon with fascinating opportunity from large metropolis but there are some drawbacks hide behind the bright benefits . In my opinion, government could do much to improve city life for average inhabitants  
  
the former problem is the huge distance between cost of living in urban areas and rural ones, for example price of electricity in city is more heavy 2 time in comparison with poor tower. Furthermore, environmental pollution is always one of the most serious problem with ton of carbon dioxide emission from vehicle and industrial factories to do water and air pollution. Other remarkable disadvantage of migrating to larger city is that urban life have tended to suffer negative influences from high crime rate  
  
However, there are some various steps that government could take to tackle these problems. Firstly, they should open some buildings of affordable of social housing for average inhabitants. Only then can stress of daily life's fees be significantly reduce . Secondly , they could invest for public transportation to take cars off the road. A further method is that leadships can also put pressure on industrial organizations to force them use non carbon energy from wind, tideway, solar and nuclear power. Moreover, politicians also need to encourage citizens to avoid crimes or severe organizations and invest for police  
  
In conclusion, this problem is unable to be resolved in short term. However, it is by no means insurmountable . And i am convinced that government could certainly implement a range of measures to enhance the quality of life for all city residents
You have to remember to respond directly to the direct questions since this is a direct opinion essay. That means, the prompt paraphrase will be different from the other Task 2 essays. This time, rather than saving your opinion for the discussion paragraphs, you have to outline the discussion as a part of your opinion response in the prompt paraphrase. So the format for the response to this essay topic is:  
  
- Paraphrase  
- 2 connected difficulties  
- 2 government solutions related to your connected difficulties  
  
So, the discussion paragraph should present 2 connected problems. In your essay, you start with electricity then go on to pollution. That will not create a cohesive paragraph presentation. Nor will it be coherent because the topics you are discussing are unrelated. However, if you had discussed the cost of say, rent, then explained that the cost of utilities are also different between provincial and urban living, the 2 topics, properly explained and connected using a connecting sentence in the middle of the discussion paragraph, would create a cohesive and coherent paragraph in response to the question.  
  
Your government solution paragraph is confusing to read because it is under developed. It is only a paragraph that presents ideas. That is where the problem lies. The ideas as not fully explained nor threshed out. It is important to limit this paragraph to also 2 connected government solutions which would be subsidized housing and subsidized transportation. By using the subsidized discussion for both, you create a connected explanation which will fully support any claims you previously made in the essay.  
  
Be consisted in your writing. Remember the grammar rules: No sentence starts with a lowercase letter. No sentence starts with "and". The sentences always start with a capital letter. The word "and" is always used as a connecting word. It is meant to show the relationship and explain what appears to be 2 separate ideas or thoughts in one sentence. It provides pause and clarity in the sentence presentation.
@hiepaz  
you have SERIOUS mistakes of grammar and spelling in your essay. I will capitalize your mistakes. YOU HAVE GOOD OPINIONS WHEN YOU WRITE THE TOPIC, BUT YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL TO USE GRAMMAR.  
  
"Increasing of villagerS WHO move to urban areaS haS become a social phenomenon BECAUSE PEOPLE WANT TO FIND fascinating opportunitIES from ... benefits OF CITY LIFE . In my opinion, governmentS ...  
  
... between THE cost of living (...) electricity in citiES is TWICE AS EXPENSIVE AS THE RURAL SITES' IS.  
  
Furthermore, THE environmental ... problems FOR CITIZENS SINCE tonS of carbon dioxide emissionS from vehicleS and industrial factories THAT CAN MAKE water and air pollutED. THE Other remarkable ... to larger citIES is that PEOPLE TEND TO suffer negative influences from THE HIGH CRIME RATE IN BIG CITIES.  
  
Firstly, ONLY BY ENACTING SOME POLICIES of affordable AND social housing for LOW-INCOME inhabitants can GOVERNMENTS GET RID OF ALL OF PEOPLE'S stress of daily life's fees IN URBAN AREAS. Secondly , they could invest IN public transportation to THE NUMBER OF CARS IN CENTERS, WHICH WILL HELP REDUCE AIR POLLUTION. A further method is that GOVERNMENTS can also ... them use NON-CARBON POWER from ... Moreover, politicians also need to encourage citizens to ... (I DONT UNDERSTAND YOUR IDEA IN THE SENTENCE)
## the i-phone cable doesn't work

  
  
Dear Sir,  
  
My name is Harry who was one of the customers coming your Myer store in Chatswood in two weeks before. I bought the i-phone cable charge but it doesn't work when I come back home and use it.  
  
Today I want to write this letter to you to describe the issue of your product. There is not any sign of the power charging on my phone when I put the cable charger to my phone and I think it does not work although I try to put it in and out many times. Therefore, I wonder that you can exchange another cable charger which was tested to work well or you can refund for me as an additional plan.  
  
I hope you can help me to address this unexpected situation in the case that I am a regular client of your shop. Thanks for your help and I hope your business will develop more and more in the future!  
  
Your faithfully,  
Harry
Please remember to upload the instructions for the letter writing task. I am unable to review your essay from prompt responsiveness without it. Just the same, I will try to review the letter as you uploaded it.  
  
When writing a letter to a company, give your complete name, the model of the phone, and include a reference to the procedure that you did which led to the discovery that the phone you bought was defective. Your second paragraph is confusing to read. It is improperly structured and does not allow the reader to get a clear idea as to what it is you are trying to say and what action you want the company to take in regards to your complaint.  
  
You have to work on the clarity of the letter. You have to do more sentence formation exercises and spend more time on simply writing in English rather than using the Task 1 or 2 prompts immediately. You first need to learn to write in English sentences before you can move on to writing English essays.
@Holt  
Hi, thank you very much for your feedback which is so useful to improve my writing.  
I would like to update the requirement from task 1:  
You have recently bought a piece of electronics which does not work well. Write a letter to the manager of the shop and describe the problem.  
  
In your letter, include what you have done about it and suggest what action you'd like them to take.  
  
P/S: I will follow your advice starting from forming a good sentence before writing an essay!  
  
Thanks again for your help!