dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Good work on the prompt restatement. It is altered enough to pass as the original thought of the author. This will show the examiner that the comprehension skills of the writer extends to his ability to use enough English vocabulary to get a close enough version of the original across to the reader. The opinion presentation is also well presented but lacking the summarized supporting topic presentation at the end. The summarized topics being necessary to help further enhance the comprehension skills and task compliance score of the essay.  
  
The writer kept on referring to "fish source" in the essay. That is incorrect as the reference is "fish sauce". A source is the beginning of something while a sauce is a flavor enhancer. He was referring to the latter meaning. A simple mistake? Yes, but one that will have a slight lowering effect on his vocabulary score.  
  
When the writer wrote the reverse paraphrase in the conclusion, he kind of lost track of the discussion topic foundation. It is not that advertising is worthless. The reference was that advertising could be considered unnecessary since it is only used to entertain people. This incorrect restatement will affect the accuracy score of the task discussion.  
  
All things considered though, the discussion paragraphs are strong, convincing, and cohesive enough. It is obvious that the writer has good control of his sentence development and punctuation usage, sections where others often fail in the test. The overall essay will not be severely affected by the scoring deductions that will be applied to some parts of the presentation. The word count is just enough to gain full or moderate scoring considerations based on sectional scoring requirements.
Hi,  
I think that in this sentence "Many people (...), as a result, advertisement is...", you have used "as a result" wrongly. This sentence has two independent clauses so if you want to link these two independent clauses together, you must add "and" before "as a result". But if you don't want to use "and", you have no choice but to separate the first clause from the second clause with a dot. This means that instead of one long sentence, there will be two short sentences like this: "... requirements.As a result, advertisement is ... "  
  
I hope this helps. Keep up your good work.
***It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history.***  
## To what extent, argree or disagree ?

  
  
In this day and age, it is believed that learning local history is more crucial for pupils than gaining knowledge about the world's past events. To a certain extent, I firmly suppose that these two aspects of history are equally significant.  
  
To begin with, it is true that school students should be taught about national history due to the fact that it is the backbone of any society. More precisely, learning about local history allows students to have a throughout insight into their own cultures and how their countries have evolved over a long period of time. The ancestors, for example, struggled to fight against foreign invaders to maintain sovereign and national freedom. For this reason, local history records their sacrifice, further encouraging patriotism as well as instilling national identities among students  
  
Nevertheless, I strongly opine that it is also worth researching past events around the world. If school students are well-equipped with profound knowledge of world history, they are more likely to shape a well-rounded perspective. To explain this further, the youngsters are capable of learning about the people, the culture of oversea nations previously through world history, facilitating them to have more comprehensive and thorough views about the way in which the world works. For instance, the two world- wars are important historical events that almost schools around the globe include them in the national curriculum.  
  
In conclusion, despite the fact that many people prefer local history to world history. I personally suppose that school students should be provided with both local and international aspects of this subject.
Avoid using timeframe references in task 2 essays. That should not be referenced in any discussion unless a time frame is specifically mentioned in the original presentation. Doing so creates an inaccurate restatement of the original topic. A writer cannot also "firmly suppose" an opinion since "supposing" indicates a lack of opinion clarity and inability to come up with a proper response to the question. The writer shows a lack of proper opinion statement abilities. Such a reference will result in a failing score being provided for that section.  
  
The writer should not "strongly opine" something in the middle of the essay. Either present that at the start, as a part of a strong writer's opinion presentation or at the end as a part of the summary conclusion. If one will review this essay, it will appear that the writer also contradicts his own opinion since he first stated that he "firmly suppose(s)" a reference. The contradiction will result in a confusing opinion that will affect the clarity of the discussion. Which is it? What is the writer actually supporting here?
## is money the key consideration for taking a job?

  
  
It is true that plenty of elements have influences on driving workers into different directions of their career path. While some argue that money is the key consideration, I personally disagree with the idea. I believe that employees are increasingly refusing to keep up with the traditional trajectory where stable works with corresponding cumulative salaries are appreciated and instead pursuing multistage employment where they can develop professional expertise.  
  
In early stages of a career, workers, especially to graduated students and novices, have a propensity to take money into no consideration, yet prioritize personal development and working experiences. This period is about to set a milestone for long-term career development and even maximize their potentials provided that they are in the right paths. To be more specific, if they are trained under guidance of supportive colleagues or accommodated with necessary facilities, they are able to widen their knowledge. This is by far the fastest way to be expert in their fields and a great income now comes as an inevitable prize of devotion. On the contrary, workers would miss many opportunities in case they are on the economic side right in the first place.  
  
In later stages of a career, workers tend to stick with jobs that can actually bring grant value. Because they have years of accruing in both financial and professional terms, the jobs at which they are aiming have to meet their aspirations. It is worth noting that those desires can be not for themself, but for social benefit. For example, senior software engineers try to create applications that can facilitate the handicapped with outstanding functions even though it is a niche market and rarely make a profit.  
  
In conclusion, I do not think money can outweigh other motivators in affecting people's choice of profession.
There is no need to say that something is true in the restatement when the opposite is represented in the basic presentation. The restatement should not add information nor alter the original point of view in any way. That is because points will be lost when the writer changes the slant of the discussion in any way. That said, the writer's opinion is well established and offers a complete insight as to how the succeding discussion will be progressing. So the paragraph has both merits and demerits that will affect the preliminary score.  
  
have a propensity to take money into no consideration,  
can actually bring grant value  
I am not clear about what you are trying to say in this section. Did you mean that money is not a consideration for fresh graduates and new hires? What were you referencing as a grant value? I believe this is a transliteration that created an LR problem. Remember to review all your statements for clarity. When the examiner is confused in any way, he will apply deductions to the score.  
  
Work on writing longer concluding summaries. It should be at least 40 words long otherwise it will not receive full scoring marks.
## should children use their phones at school or not

  
  
In this era of major changes, the influence of technological devices is massive for people in all ages, especially children. Some educational experts are skeptical about whether children should use their phones or not. In this essay, I will discuss both views and draw up my conclusion.  
  
First and foremost, using phones during the school day offers students a variety of opportunities to expand their knowledges. To be more specific, in case teachers aren't capable of responding to the student's question, the internet can be a great help in answering the curiosity of the children. Furthermore, using phones can also increase the flexibility of the classroom. In this day and age, the number of online websites and apps using games and quizzes to study is enormous, facilitating students and teachers to an easier and more creative learning approach. For example, Kahoot, and Quizzes have been leading as the most visited app in the classroom as a way to stimulate and encourage students to learn.  
  
On the other hand, some opponents of using phones during the school day might claim that phones can make students unable to fully concentrate on the lectures. According to recent reports, people working and using electrical devices namely: phones, computer can have the possibility of having health-related problems. Moreover, it is true that students using phones can be distracted by other issues, which can dampen their marks in the exam.To sum up, while using phones during the school day can be disadvantageous for some reasons, the benefits of phones might outweigh its drawbacks. The availability of knowledge on the internet and apps using games and quizzes to study might be a great tool stimulate and encourage students to learn better at school.
The writer has misunderstood the writing instruction. When asked to discuss both views and give an opinion, he is not being asked to offer a conclusion based upon the discussion topic. Rather, he is asked to provide an insight into how he views each of the given public points of view. Since the writer's opinion is incorrectly stated, it will not receive a passing score. It cannot receive a proper score because it contradicts the given discussion instruction.  
  
A repeated reading of the prompt restatement shows that the writer also misinterpreted the writing discussion in terms of topic and points of view. the original discussion is based upon the thought of needing to ban students from using mobile phones during school days only. The opposing side believes this to be an unnecessary action. The writer stated that educational experts have misgivings about allowing children to use cellphones in general. It lacks the proper discussion foundation and reasoning claims as indicated in the original presentation. Therefore, the restatement is incorrect and will receive a failing score.  
  
It will be impossible for this essay to receive a passing score based on these 2 errors alone. Since the prompt restatement + writer's opinion comprises a majority of the major scoring considerations, it will be improbable that this essay will be granted a passing score since there are additional deductions to be applied within the actual discussion presentation itself.  
  
Offering an accurate prompt restatement and a relevant opinion sentence is of the utmost importance in task 2 essays. Make a mistake in this section and the possibility of passing the test becomes unlikely.
***There have been several complaints about the reception area where visitors to your company arrive.***  
## Your manager has asked you to suggest how the reception area could be improved.

  
  
Dear Mr. Beluzsky Benthooven,  
I send this letter for you to illustrate the problems being happening in our reception area.  
  
First of all, our guests complained that there are not enough seats for them in the smoking room. Secondly, many customers feel uncomfortable with the noise of the Computer Room next to the Waiting Station. Last but not least, some of air-conditionings in this area have been working unproductively for several weeks.  
  
Like the other organizations, this is the most significant place where appears on visitors' and workers' first sight whenever they come to the company. Furthermore, when we make it become perfectly, it could capture the customer's hearts and let them feel satisfy with our service. As a consequence, visitors would ready to pay money for us and the staffs could be loyalty by some ways.  
  
So, I suggest that our company might buy some seats and put them in the smoking room. Besides, we should leave the Waiting Station to another place where has no sound. Then, we must to order 15 new economical air-conditionings or just fix the old ones.  
  
If there is any problem, please reply me.
The writer shows a clear lack of knowledge when it comes to structuring a coherent English sentence. His English writing abilities can be judged at this point to be at a beginner level. He has difficulty using the correct English words to express himself, meaning he has a severely limited English vocabulary. His writing is limited by his lack of English based education. The writing tends to lack professionalism and comes across as very abrasive to the reader. A professionally written letter should carry a professional and respectful tone at all times. Though he has provided all of the required elements for the letter, the method of presentation and lack of proper word usage, GRA problems, and a cohesive presentation in relation to a coherent paragraph are what will make him fail this test.
Is the citation based on the father's words? if so. then it should be identified as such since all quotes need to be given a source. It will help to add to the opening sentiment of the writer as well. However, the slant of the introduction should not only be about how the applicant wants to achieve an important tertiary education overseas, it must also integrate the motivation for the choice of BA as a course. The educational consideration should only play a secondary role in the motivation.  
  
The writer has taken applicable secondary education courses in relation to the undergraduate course decision. However, the extra curricular activities do not show any reasons why the student will be successful in this field. It would help if the applicant can relate extra curricular activities in relation to BA such as starting his own business, having a part time job, or any exposure that will prove he used his secondary education to pursue his BA interests. These will help create the proper foundation for his basic training and skills development which in turn, will help give credence to his application.  
  
Interest in the way Koreans do business should be a highlight of the motivating factors presented. The writer does not refer to a relevant interest in Korea in the essay and yet hopes to be awarded a scholarship to study in the country. It does not work that way. The reasons that you are impressed by the Korean BA model should be the strongest motivating factor for the decision to apply for this scholarship.
Thank you for your answer  
  
Since junior high school, I have been interested in business. At that time, my father drove me to the shrimp farms in Dipasena, Tulang Bawang. I observed several shrimp farming activities starting from cleaning the shrimp farming area, spreading the fry, packing the shrimp, to sorting the shrimp. My initial plan was just for enjoyment, but who would have guessed it would have attracted my interest in the business world and motivated me to pursue the creation of my own company? Finally, I decided to go to school by taking the Business Management Expertise program.  
  
I corrected paragraph 2 like this to show interest in business,
## Nothing can be done to prevent crime. To which extent do you agree or not?

  
  
Unquestionably, crime has always constituted an acute deterrent to nations' development and security worldwide, which from certain perspectives, are by no means able to be impeded. As far as I concerned, infractions prevention is within our grasp if various methods are executed, such as enhancement of overall living environment of societies and incarceration process.  
  
First of all, the quality of living environment plays a determining role in crime rate of a community. As opposed to those who attain high standard of living, citizens residing in poverty-stricken areas would run a much higher risk of unemployment, poor health care, discrimination and so on. Should sufficient allocation of funds be factored in, people would not turn to illegal activities at the expense of making ends meet. Such investment would not only bring about stabilization of the crime rate in a particular area, but also create equal opportunities for people to obtain, hence improving the overall prosperity and sustainability of a society.  
  
Secondly, authorities should take rehabilitation as a priority over stringent punishments. To illustrate, the vicious cycle of recidivism is a pressing issue for that retribution would constitute a contributor to lawbreakers' tendency of violence rather than expected remorse for their wrongdoings. Above all, the practice of vocational training and life skills education would act as a precursor to offenders' reintegration as they are no longer have to commit crimes to make a living. Moreover, sympathy should be raised towards citizens who used to be inmates, otherwise isolation and discrimination would act as a potential catalyst for repeat offences.  
  
In conclusion, the prevention of law violation is a tough process for societies to go through, but still an attainable goal if proper measures like transformation of the overall living environment and reformation be carried out.
Do not immediately discuss the essay topic in the first paragraph. That is an automatic failing score since the scoring foundation, based on the restatement and writer's opinion presentation, were not properly established. It is important to never certify any aspect of a point of view as being unequestionable since the task 2 essay is always based on a written debate format. Never forget either, that in an extent essay, the writer is required to provide his opinion based upon an emotional or degree of (non) support response. These qualifications were not met by the opening paragraph and therefore, could result in an automatic failing preliminary score for the essay.  
  
The discussion approach of the writer is well executed. He provides a single opinion support discussion as required and offers strong examples to support his explanation. Although these were done well. the problems with the prompt restatement + writer's opinion and the reverse paraphrase for the concluding summary are what may limit the scoring potential of this discussion presentation.  
  
While there are some mistakes in sentence structure and punctuation usage, the scores are mostly based on the logical thinking and ability of the test taker to explain himself in English. Mistakes in punctuation usage and sentence structures (when not confusing to the reader) can be overlooked to a small degree so as not to affect the final score of the examinee.
***Some people claim that public museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and works of art by using a computer.***  
  
## Do you agree or disagree?

  
Write at least 250 words (Please help me evaluate this essay's mark in Ielts. Thanks a ton )  
  
MY ESSAY:  
These days, some people would argue that it is no longer necessary for public museums and art galleries to be opened because of the fact that historical relics and artistic masterpieces can be appreciated with a computer. Regarding this, I personally disagree with this idea totally, as now will be discussed in this essay.  
  
To begin with, I support the idea that public museums and art galleries had better be opened for the purpose of protecting historical objects and art works from being spoiled. It is undeniable that these objects relating to the history and art are priceless and need conserving. For instance, many museums and art galleries have recently been erected to preserve valuable art and historical works such as well-known pictures like Mona Lisa, the Screaming .... Besides, public museums and art galleries are also destinations that attract tons of tourists. Most people would prefer to go to these places to appreciate historical gadgets and art works rather than watching them through a computer.  
  
On the other hand, I believe that museums and art galleries should be kept for educational purposes. Instead of teaching students about history and art through images and pictures on a computer, it would be effective for students to enjoy and watch directly historical stuff and art works in the museums and art galleries under their teachers' instruction. With doing that, students can be significantly stimulated to study about history and art in school.  
  
In collusion, while it is argued by someone that public museums and art galleries will be unnecessary since people can see historical objects and art works by their computers, I support the opposite idea that these places should be maintained due to many advantages.
While the word choice of the writer for the prompt restatement is a bit out of context when reviewed against the original, the essence of the sentiment is still the same so the examiner will find that version acceptable enough to warrant some scoring consideration. However, the confusing writer's opinion is another story. It uses and extent and emotional response where a simple indicator was needed and it does not present any establishing reasons for the writer's opinion. Thus the writer's opinion will be scored as having missed the important thesis presentation, which will be a low score due to lack of opinion clarity.  
  
The reasoning paragraph should have presented 2 paragraph topics that would explain the need to keep museums open in comparison to computer viewing. By opening his first statement with "To begin with" he effectively showed that he was defending his stance in the paragraph. However, when he indicated "On the other hand", he indicated that he would be contradicitng the previous statement. Yet, he produced another supporting example for his opinion. So, why the opinion was supported, the framework of the sentence was incorrect. He should not have indicated "on the other hand". The correct term to use would have been "Additionally" or "In addition to the previous statement..."  
  
The writer shows that he does not have a good understanding of the English language. He uses the word "collusion" which means; "a secret agreement, especially for fraudulent or treacherous purposes; conspiracy". He wanted to use the word "conclusion" which refers to; " the end or final close". Perhaps he was confused because the words sound similar to a certain degree. However, the phrase "in conclusion" is a normal placeholder taught in IELTS classes so this mistake was really avoidable.