dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Encouragement of public transport usage

  
  
As you see, people today tend to own private vehicles. On the other hand, there are also many people recommending that we should use public transport for our sake. For me, I agree with this saying because of the benefits that public vehicle brings us.  
  
For one thing, it contributes to preserve environment. The use of more public transports helps to reduce significantly a large amount of CO2 emissions from burning the petrol of many cars or motorbikes. Thus, we can allay the risks of global warming caused by CO2 footprint. It proves that the use of public transports are more eco- friendly to save our environment  
  
Next, it helps us save our money. In fact, when travelling by public vehicles like: bus, subway, the ticket is much cheaper than the price of petrol you have to pay to fill the car up with it. It means public transport is more economical for us, especially students. In addition, the more people use public transport, the less traffic congestion occurs in rush hours.  
  
Furthermore, thanks to it, we can manage time effectively. For people with individual vehicles, they are often more comfortable in arranging time, which leads to work delays. In contrast, public transport's time is defined , requiring you to be on time. So, remembering exactly time to catch the bus will help you control the time to avoid being late at work.  
  
In summary, these above are the advantages of public transport which show why I support that recommendation. Hence, we should use them as regularly as possible for not only our sake but also our environment.
As a task 2 essay, I would have to caution you against writing less than the minimum word count. You only wrote 242 words, which means the appropriate score deductions will be made based on the missing 8 words. It is never a good idea to write less than the word count but, don't overwrite either. The ideal word presentation is between 275-290 words. That would be more or less 20-25 lines of words. That is the perfect presentation for the 40 minute task. The problem is, without the original prompt requirement, and several prompts that could relate to this task, I cannot review your paper for prompt adherence. So I will just review what I can of your work, without focusing on the scoring rubic requirements.  
  
Transports is the act of moving an item from one point to another. Transport though, refers to the type of vehicle a person uses to get around. In this case, you should have said "public transport" and then used "is" instead of "are" in relation to the subject verb agreement rules. You do not need to use a colon when referring to your listing of transportation types. So it should be "... like bus, subway..." There is also an improper adverb format in the presentation: reduce significantly. It should have been presented as "significantly reduce".  
  
There are several other grammar errors in the essay but I believe these are the more important errors that should be focused on. I hope that you can post the prompt with the next essay so that I can give you a more significant review of your work. It is difficult to offer relevant advice without the discussion guideline to base my review on.
**question**  
***some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. others say that are more important environmental problems.***  
  
## discuss both these views and give your own opinion

  
  
**answer**:  
  
Many people says that nowadays the problem of our planet's nature is losing some species of plants and animals. While other people think that there are more important environment problems. This essay will discuss both problems and solutions.  
  
Firstly, One of the reason that the population of the animals decreased is that the atmosphere becoming worse year per year. For Example, In a district called Bekasi is place where almost all of the factories spreaded, and it makes the gas spread freely through the sky. In addition, on a busy city we can conclude that there are large number of private transportation like cars and motorcycles and this make the environment damaged too.  
  
Secondly, There are a lot of company that use animals for their own needs. For example, many people use animals as an object for experiment, On the other hand, this experiment bring nothing but only making the population decreased. Another example is that some of the makeup companies use certain animals for just making their own product having improvement. If these things still done by humans carelessly, some of the animals will extinct.  
  
Another hand, there is a major problem of human health. Nowadays, people live near the industrial place for some reasons such as near from works and the cost relative cheap. There are some problems of this aspects. One of them is that they use to inhale the industrial gas which makes some serious desease such as cancer and heart desease.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that by reduce the killing of certain animals can lead us to prevent the extinction of the animals itself and the government need to spread the factory in varios district not just in one place, So that the citizen will not inhale the killer gas anynmore.
Okay, the essay instruction says you have to discuss both views and give your opinion. It does not say that you should discuss both views and give solutions to the problem. What the essay is asking you to do is give a personal opinion based on your understanding and personal support for one of the two reasoning lines presented. You have deviated from the original prompt and as such, will receive the appropriate points deductions for it.  
  
Your actual discussion is very far from the original prompt discussion requirements. You are discussing the poisoning of the human environment while the essay topic actually is whether the loss of animal life and plants is a more important issue when compared to environmental problems.  
  
You do not actually present a personal opinion regarding the given topic and you are not properly discussing the given points for consideration either. Your discussions have strayed too far from the original prompt for it to be considered related to the original prompt discussion. This is why the essay, based on the TA section alone, will not be able to achieve a score that will bring closer to a 5 band score. Based on the discussion errors, spelling, plus grammar errors, there is no way this essay will get a passing score.  
  
You must work on your English comprehension skills. You have to understand the discussion being presented and how it is to be discussed before you can write the essay. Since you are still practicing, you still have the opportunity to ask your English tutor to explain the discussion requirements to you. You can even consider reading the model responses to the same prompt and then base your own discussion of the topic on what you read in the model essay. There are several ways for you to learn how to avoid prompt deviations. I hope you can consider using both styles to help you improve your English comprehension skills. Fix that problem before you start writing more practice tests. You will not pass the test if you cannot understand what the essay is all about.
**In some countries in Europe, some children from the age of 11 or 13 go to schools to learn more practical skills that will help them get a job. Other children stay in schools which provide a more general academic education.  
  
## What should schools do to prepare students for the world of work?

  
  
*Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.***  
  
In some European countries, some young children aged 11to 13 attend schools that offer vocational education that will help them to secure a job in the future, while others are still going to schools that prioritise a more generalised education. In my opinion, at a tender age, schools should focus on the overall academic development, introducing professional learning at high school.  
  
Before teaching practical skills to children, schools should teach essential academic subjects. At the age of 11 to 13, youngsters should have their thought shaped, their learning ability improved, and an elementary knowledge of all subjects consolidated. For example, in my primary school, I had a strong schooling education, mixed with the learning of skills such as critical thinking, teamwork, and computer knowledge. This educational methodology was fundamental for my career as well as my life.  
  
It must be also pointed out that vocational training should be made compulsory for high school students only. Children aged 11 to 13 are not mature enough to understand the needs of the job market and instilling vocational training in them will only pressurise their young minds. For instance, I initiated my vocational programs when I was in high school, in an age in which I was prepared to absorb that information and use it in an appropriate way. Having a successful career, I could say that by having consolidated general academic knowledge before learning practical skills, I was properly prepared for the world of work.  
  
In conclusion, taking these factors into consideration, I am inclined to believe that schools should respect each students' phase. At an early age, a generalised education is more appropriated because children have to develop knowledge that might be applied for any professional field. Therefore, having these concepts consolidated will be essential when they start to learn practical skills in high school, giving them more conditions to get ready for work.
Dear, although your essay is lengthy enough, there are problems with coherence that I want you to ponder:  
  
At your introduction, you claim that your view will support the second idea, that "schools should focus on the overall academic development, introducing professional learning at high school". Meanwhile in your body paragraph, the example of your opinion "For example, in (...) as well as my life" is somewhat conflict to the aforementioned view. This will affect the coherence of the essay.  
  
This similarity tendency is also happen in your second body, where you totally denied your view in the opening. Therefore, you should be more considerate about the structure and create the logical supporting ideas  
  
The conclusion must supportive to the introduction as well as the flow of all the ideas in the essay.
Task 2:  
## Scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the governments rather than private companies.

  
***Do you agree or disagree?***  
  
Here is my essay:  
It is not uncommon to see private organizations conduct scientific research these days. However, some people believe that national authorities should perform and manage this instead of private ones. Personally, I assume both of these institutions are capable of carrying out research effectively.  
  
On the one hand, governmental institutions are experts in conducting science-related research due to numerous reasons, evidently. It is not an exaggeration to say governments have dominated the scientific industry with the professional workforce and the huge budget over the last decades. Many brilliant scientists desire to work for governments and they have contributed remarkably to science such as finding a cure for several illness thanks to their intelligence.Therefore, governmental scientific staff is the most experienced workforce compared to private companies' ones in conducting scientific research. Also, this is a financially-demanding activity due to the huge budget needed for performing scientific examinations however national authorities can afford it. For example, America has invested billions of dollars in exploring the space since the last century. In terms of medicine, Viet Nam has spent millions of dollars on finding a cure for cancer although the result seems not to be positive yet. On the whole, scientific industry requires both brains and money but governments are able to handle it.  
  
On the other hand, private companies are also a good option to carry out research. Firstly, numerous corporations have experts and huge budget as governments do to do research. In fact, these institutions has played an important role in making the world better with their significant scientific achievements. For instance, Dong Phuong, which is the most reputable medical corporation in Viet Nam, invented the solution for disable people a few years ago. The scientists of the company created an effective treatment for those who can not walk or move by themselves. The process of producing the solution costed an arm and a leg, also required a number of expert doctors and scientists, but they still made it. Secondly, non-govenmental institutions taking parting in carrying out research do deter monopoly, which is a perfect solution to boost the economics. For instance, according to a report of " Viet Nam economics newspaper ", Dong Phuong corporations has paid the tax of billions of Viet Nam Dong to contribute to the country. If there were no private companies joining in science, everything would be much worse economically.  
  
In general, scientific should be conducted by everyone, no matter if it is a non or a governmental institutions.  
Could you guys please tell me if I can get 7.0 with this :(
Since this is the first essay that you have written for this task, I will be able to tell you that no, you cannot score a 7 with this type of writing. There are just too many errors in the presentation that will affect your final score in a downward manner. Let's start with the basics.  
  
You have only 40 minutes to complete this task. There is no way you can write 394 words within that time frame. Be realistic. Use a timer next time you write an essay. Learn to allow time for the following procedures:  
  
- Outline the task discussion points  
- Write a draft of the essay  
- Review the content, adjusting the content where required  
- Edit the work to remove any grammar and sentence structure errors  
- Make sure you are satisfied with the final outcome before you submit the essay  
  
All of these procedures need to be completed within 40 minutes. So there is no way you can write almost 400 words. Aim for the more realistic goal of 275-290 words. That will leave you with just enough time to complete all the other perfection tasks required to complete the essay.  
  
Double check your spelling. The term is non-governmental, not non-govenmental. You do not need to use a hyphen for certain words. References such as "financially demanding" do not require a hyphen between the words. Review your subject - verb agreement rules. Say "... these institutions HAVE", not has. Also, there is no word such as "can not". That, is a single word written as "cannot". Avoid double negations such as not uncommon by saying uncommon instead.  
  
I will not score this essay. I would like to reserve that for your second try at task 2 writing. Aim for a short but well explained essay. Based on this presentation, I am sure you can do that. When I feel the time is right, I will give you a score for your essay. For now, let's work on getting the format for the presentation right.
Task 1 IELTS: The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.  
  
The first chart illustrates the proportions of energy usages in Australian households, ranging from water heating, refrigeration, other appliances, lighting, cooling, heating, while the second one demonstrates the emission percentages of greenhouse gas that stem from the aforementioned energy use.  
  
Overall, heating witnessed the highest proportion as regards energy consumption, yet, it is evident that water heating emitted greenhouse gas the most among the studied categories.  
  
Particularly, despite the fact that nearly a half of the total energy (around 42 percent) is spent on heating, only 15 percent of total greenhouse gas emissions are constituted by this activity. On the other hand, there was a similar pattern happened in the proportion of energy consumption and greenhouse gas emission in terms of water heating activity, with 30 percent compared to 32 percent, as well as cooling (accounted for 3% and 2% respectively).  
  
However, in other activities, the proportions of total greenhouse emitted almost as double as those of energy consumption, for instance: refrigeration: 14 compared to 7 percent, then 8 and 4 percent on lighting and others are 28 with 15 percent.  
  
*
"ranging from water heating..."  
I think there is only the phrase "range from sth to sth". Where's the "to". But this word is not suitable in this situation.  
  
I would fix "namely water heating, refrigeration, lighting, cooling, heating, and other appliances". I often see " other appliances" at the end of the sentence in most of the academic writing.  
  
"the proportions of total greenhouse emitted almost as double as those of energy consumption". You missed to be before "as double as".  
  
And the most important thing is that your essay is not coherent. This pie chart does not mention the year, so all your essay should be in present tense. But I see you used both past tense and present tense. It will dramatically downgrades your score.
While you did write more than enough words to get a higher scoring consideration for the scoring brackets, the fact that these are mostly run on sentences instead of complete paragraphs of 3-5 sentences will lower its scoring potential. As an essay that represents the original charts, you neglected to mention the types of measurements used in each chart and there is a lack of proper comparison.  
  
You cannot start a sentence with the word "particularly" because that is a word that is used to call emphasis to some information in relation to a previous statement within the same sentence. For example, "I don't like the smell of lemons, particularly, Verbena Lemons."  
  
You need to learn how to better present your sentences. You have to make sure that your sentences give the reader a pause within the presentation to be able to catch up with the reading material. A comma can be used for that task but, you need to figure out when to use the full stop, the period, to add clarity and coherence to your presentation.
## An opinion essay about discussing views and giving personal opinion

  
  
**Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology.**  
  
Focusing on subjects they have interest in or following obligatory subjects are still the concern for university students. Some express the opinion that studying favourite subjects will motivate students immensely whereas others state that students should just study subjects which do wonders for their future occupations. From my perspectives, I suppose that there's a need for the combination of both these subjects to reach the maximun benefits for university students.  
  
Initially, that students are allowed to study subjects they are fond of brings some beneficial aspects to themselves. As a usual, students tend to be more encouraged and motivated when doing something they are interested in, which results in high productivity. Additionally, studying prefered subjects also enriches students' knowledge, which plays a fundamental role in their future orientations.  
  
Apart from concentrating on subjects above, students have to strive to study other ones that are relative to their future jobs. These subjects might not draw any students' attraction or interest; nevertheless, they will bring tremendous advantages to students' future preparation. It is lucid to say that these subjects which equip undergraduates with the enormous amount of knowledge with respect to diverse subjects, which supplies them with the firm basis prepared for the future occupation.  
  
As a conclusion, that turning the focus to subjects university students are passionate about or ones that are predominantly applied to the future both brings advantageous sides. Yet, to optimize the benefits of studying, I personally think that these subjects are combined to support students' future is literally in need.
"Some express the opinion ..."  
This sentence must have a comma before the word "whereas". That is a grammar mistakes.  
  
"students have to strive to ..."  
what do you mean when using "are relative to". It should be "related".  
  
"These subjects might not draw ...". There is no "draw attraction". There are only "draw sb's interest" or "draw sb's attention".  
  
"It is lucid to say that these ..."  
  
I do not know what kind this sentence is. It's a totally run-on sentence which breaks the whole structure and degrades your score.  
I would fix "... these subjects, which ... diversely subjects, which supply's them ...
You are selling yourself short by writing just the right amount of words to meet the minimum requirement. At 253 words, you are not aiming for a higher scoring consideration within all 4 scoring considerations. You are meeting only the minimum scoring considerations with this type of writing. By writing at least 275 words, you will be able to meet the middle requirement for middle scale scoring considerations.  
  
Additionally, you will lose scoring points because of your partial responsiveness to the writing task. The writing task instruction was: *Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.*  
  
There is no clear difference in the discussion point of view. The topic sentence per paragraph should indicate that you are discussing the public point of view. Right now, the discussion clearly focuses only on your personal point of view regarding the 2 discussion topics. So, your essay will be considered only partially responsive, with scores given only for the parts of the discussion that you clearly represent.  
  
Speaking of clearly representing, you are not taking a solid stance within the discussion. By using words that connote uncertainty ( I suppose ), you are not delivering a solid opinion regarding the personal point of view discussion. As such, your lack of conviction within the discussion, based on the discussion requirements, will also result in lost points.