dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## today's lifestyle and its impact on health

  
  
Nowday,health problem such as obesity,diabetets and heart disease are becoming more widespread in parts of the developed word.this essay will look at some primary cause of this and some possible soluution to the problem.  
  
There are a number of reasons for health problem of the developed world .the first reason ,people competition at work,stress at work,tired at work - hence no proper meal.Therefore they have an imbalanced diet.Most people usually ,eating too much fast food.This problem is harmful for health.Another reason is sedetary lifestyles.After work stress,people come back home relax by watching tv ,suft facebook,zalo,.. and child play video game.finally ,i think enviromental pollution is major cause health problem.Its do harm to individual's health as polluted air and water.As a consequence,this issue can increase the chance of getting concern and other diseases.  
  
There are several action that could be taken to mitigate the problem mentioned above.Firstly ,people should control what they eat to make sure that they have a balanced diet.Beside,goverment ask ministry of health provide with basic knowledge about health to raise people's awaeness of the importance of health protection ,and show they what ways choose heathier food.secondly,combining with a healthy diet.peaple avoid passive lifestyle.we do not depend heavily on techonology.instead adults go to fitness clubs ,take regular exercise ,child take part in doing outdoor sports .Lastly,by common consent,polluted air and water is root cause of some diseases.so we should exert ourselves to protect our enviroment from being polluted more deeply,not just stay on propada.We can benefit from clean and hygeian habits ,such as non-smoking,non-alchonic,periodic cleaning for our places.  
  
In conclusion ,there are various factors leading to the health problem of developed world should be inplemented.
Im currently a learner as weel,hope my comments will help  
+due to the competing environment at work,people often buying fast food in order to save them more time to rest.In other word,by absorbing these unhealthy nutritious daily,their body conditions will be deteriorated,thus,leading them to many severe consequences that cost them a life.(sentence 2)  
  
+Another significant reason that contributed to this notion is that the office workers are usually not exercising enough meanwhile spending hours in front of the screen for entertaining and forming a sedentary living lifestyle.It is not exacerbated when saying that this living standard is the culprit of many diseases including excessive fat related problems.(sentence 3)  
  
\*According to my experience, two reasons is enough if you could develop throughout.
You cannot use a run-on sentence in the Task 2 essay and expect to get a passing GRA score. You need to break down your presentation into proper sentences and paragraphs. Each paragraph should have at least 3-5 sentences per presentation. In the restated paragraph, you need to offer a breakdown that includes:  
  
- The original topic for discussion in your own words  
- The reason why this topic is being discussed  
- A possible cause  
- A possible solution  
- A transition sentence (optional)  
  
You did not provide such a paragraph formatted outline for this discussion. Additionally, you did not follow the proper English capitalization rules for the start of sentences. You uses lower case letters a few times at the start of a sentence. You also failed to properly use spacing between words. This resulted in compressed word presentations that appear to show a lack of regard for English grammar rules. Both errors will result in a failing GRA score for you.  
  
You are using terms unfamiliar to the examiner in this essay. What is a zalo? You also used ellipses, which are never used in academic writing as that is a creative rather than academic writing tool. You do not use a capital "I" for the personal reference. There are just way too many grammar rule violations in your presentation for this essay to get a passing score.
## factors to become a triumphant person

  
  
It's clear to discern that technological and scientific development alongside self-actualization in the revolution of industry 4.0. But there are a lot of issues that have been arising about the demand for modern individuals. One of them is: "Which is more important: talent or hard work?"  
  
Differing from a genius who capable to do somethings well with a natural ability, an assiduous person is very hard and effort in their works or duties and it takes them so much time than a gifted person to complete tasks. Nowadays, the requirement for everyone in each period of human being's cycle life is not the same. For example, getting high scores and the strongest performer in school is the expectation of parents or around people, managers pay attention to the ability to make revenue on the given time when students graduate and to want to apply for a job. Undoubtedly, the result is the final purpose that everybody wants to reach because they can not discern the learning and working processes in detail. To demonstrate competence, which of talent or hard work will get more effective?  
  
Although having the capability to accomplish goals effectively in a short time than other people, genius could able to be slothful and procrastinate responsibility as depending too much on their talent without putting attempt and time. In modern life, human resources management focus attitude unlike skills or knowledge before, therefore, brilliant as also erudite people could not be appreciated greatly without reasonable behavior. For instance, the great scientist - Thomas Edison whose lights, one of the most important inventions would never have to exist if, in 1000th time, he was stopped experimenting because of boredom. The biggest pride of the Vietnamese people, Uncle Ho, who repelled the foreign invader by his talent and special grit.  
  
Many research indicates which differentiates between a scientist's brain and average person are wrinkles and it can increase with regular practice. Accordingly, the brain will be developing and processing information rapidly besides continuous effort.  
  
To summarize, to become a triumphant person, hard word to self-actualization is important than talent.
I believe that you wrote this for an IELTS task 2 essay. The main problem though, is that you forgot to include the original prompt requirement in your post. So, not having that on hand, I was hoping to find the actual topic for discussion and the discussion instructions within your prompt paraphrase paragraph. The problem, is that you did not a good job at the paraphrasing, the original question, discussion reason, and discussion instructions are not seen at all in your presentation. You cannot provide a rhetorical question in the paraphrase as you are expected to do the following in that section:  
  
- Restate the prompt clearly  
- Provide the reasons given for the discussion based on the original prompt presentation  
- Respond to the direct question asked in the original prompt  
- Give an outline of your topic responses for the reasoning paragraph.  
  
Therefore, your prompt paraphrase is problematic. You do not provide a clear restatement and, you failed to provide a clear opinion as you merely gave a question at the end rather than a response.  
  
Your vocabulary in the essay doesn't sound natural. It does not feel like a conversation with someone. Rather, it feels like you are trying to impress and are simply aiming for a higher LR score, which is what you get when you use natural words that do not sound out of place in the sentence (ex. assiduous, slothful) Your sentence structures are incorrect and confusing the the reader. The sense of what you are trying to say is lost in the translation from your vernacular to the English language.  
  
I can see that you have a pretty good idea of what you want to say to the reader in English. The problem is your execution. You are aiming to write complex sentences and paragraphs, which is not a bad thing. However, the bad comes from the lack of clarity in your presentation, improper use of vocabulary, and total inability to realize that the sentences you are writing just doesn't make sense most of the time.  
  
Work on your simple sentence presentation first. Aim for clarity using simple words and sentences. Impressing the reader will come when you are accustomed to naturally writing in English.
***Information technology is changing many aspects of our lives and now dominates our home, leisure and work activities.***  
## To what extent do the benefits of information technology outweigh the disadvantages?

  
  
Please see my answer below and help me to improve it:  
  
In the recent decades, it is an undeniable truth that information technology is giving people a variety of new paths to experience our daily life and deeply intervening in humans' universal sectors, such as houseworks, entertainments and occupation. Despite certain drawbacks, there are plenty of beneficial applications of this modern technique.  
  
Apparently, if people overuse this high technology, they will be struggling with harmful effects. Firstly, humans are slowly obsessed with virtual friendships and consequently leave behind their real interactions. For instance, in some families, most of the time in a day adults and children contact each other through the internet, gradually lose the relationship between family members. Secondly, the advanced technology is making humans become weaker. By sitting a long time in front of a computer's screen,residents take high risks to get health problems, including spinal diseases and eye disorders.  
  
In contrast, information technology brings better methods to people for resolving their daily demands. In the home field, the technology supports parents to keep updated about their children's status and provide more exact decisions on time. These days, an increasing number of residents, especially the rural population, is able to access TV programmes and entertainment shows. On the top of that, this technology itself set up the only way to maintain educational activities in the form of online learning when social distancing is imposed during global pandemic. Furthermore, there is no denying on the fact that with the advent of technology, international industry and business are boosted up. Nowadays, with just a few clicks, workers, owners, entrepreneurs could find out the best solutions for their particular problems regardless of distances or time lags, so they will get better approaches in their career.  
  
To sum up, although there are certain negative aspects of the information technology, its benefits definitely outweigh its disadvantages. For greater applications, the technology should be carefully controlled and used sensibly.
Kindly prioritize the correction of your writing errors prior to the submission of your essay. Do not have a non-proof read, revised, and edited essay submitted. The main focus of your presentation must be on a clean presentation. That means, you will submit a perfect, error free essay or, an essay with as little errors as possible. A quick glance of your paper showed me that you have several errors in spelling, coherence, and cohesiveness. All errors that, when combined, shall pull down your overall final score. While you might still have a passing score, it may not be high enough to be considered for your target international school scoring requirements.  
  
You are not scored on the number of reasons you can provide in a paragraph. The scoring is based on how well you can explain one reason in 5 sentences. Your first reasoning paragraph highlights your ability to properly explain the first reason, but then, your second reason lacks the same clarity and depth of explanation. It was the second under developed reason that weakened the presentation. You will do well to focus your full clarity of explanation in a single reason as you will score better in the C&C section that way.  
  
Your second reasoning paragraph is even worse than the first. You just kept on stating reasons, with very little discussion development. So you need to really focus more on choosing your strongest reason per paragraph and then developing those. When you just keep on writing, without considering the strength of your reasoning, then you do not provide a convincing statement for the examiner to consider.  
  
You must also learn how to properly summarize your discussion points for the conclusion. What you did was, you only provided a vague closing summary, without providing the information you used in the previous discussions. The concluding summary should be like a paragraph form bullet listing of the previous discussion. That way you can properly conclude the essay. Right now, you left it open-ended rather than concluded presentation.  
  
By the way, please try to limit yourself to 275-290 words. That way you can spend more time on correcting errors and clearing up any confusing passages in your presentation. That will also allow you to limit your discussion topics per paragraph that may not be properly explained or developed for the reader.
***In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

  
  
It is thought that hard copies of newspapers and books will see a decline of sales in the future because these reading materials will be available on the internet for free. I agree that newspapers will soon be obsolete. However, I believe printed books will still be popular in the foreseeable future.  
  
Printed newspapers are actually already flunking sales, and in the near future, people will leave them behind. This is because nowadays people can easily access the news from online news portals through their gadgets. Although some online news website requires paid subscriptions, most websites offer up-to-date information free of charge with credible quality. Accessing news from the internet is also quicker. We do not need to wait for the next day to know what is happening around the world. In addition, people can pick a variety of news articles from different agencies according to their preference.  
  
On the other hand, I disagree that printed books will become extinct. This is because printed books are somewhat a collectable object. Certain people are passionate of collecting books and have personal libraries at home. Public libraries will also still need to purchase physical books to enrich their collections. Another reason is that reading printed books is much more favourable compared to e-books due to several factors. Reading e-books cause ocular discomfort due to the light emitted from gadgets. Some people also like to take notes with pens or pencils and highlight sentences on their books. Although this could be done on digital files as well, it is more convenient to do it on paper. Moreover, e-books are actually not free and I believe buying printed books is more worth the value than e-books.  
  
To sum up, I believe that printed newspapers and books might see a different fate in the future: the first will see their dawn and the latter will likely survive.  
  
I would highly appreciate any feedback!
Your response to the direct question is incorrect. You are not asked if printed books will still be popular in the future. The question is asking you to consider the fact that people are slowly no longer buying printed materials as these can already be accessed online. The question is, will people still buy printed material if it is already available for free online? To be more specific:  
  
*OT: In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books...  
Reason: ... they will be able to read everything they want online without paying.  
OQ: To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement*  
  
Your version became incorrect because:  
  
*YT: It is thought that hard copies of newspapers and books will see a decline of sales in the future ( Acceptable paraphrase)  
Reason: these reading materials will be available on the internet for free ( Correct)  
QR: I agree that newspapers will soon be obsolete. However, I believe printed books will still be popular in the foreseeable future. ( Incorrect Response. Refer to OQ breakdown above.)*  
  
You are writing an academic paper. Therefore, slang English words such as "flunking" is unacceptable. You may say "decline in sales" instead. You cannot separate the discussion of printed newspapers and printed books because they belong to the collective description for the topic provided. Both are print materials and books are now available digitally, sometimes for free as well. You do not have a full understanding of the given topic and its discussion requirements.
## women prefer to have a baby in their later age

  
  
Nowadays, it is universal that numerous women are deciding to be mothers when they are older. There are several reasons that lead to this phenomenon. However, no matter what is the explanation, I feel its positive are worth considered.  
  
Deeming its understanding, having children at a later time mostly because of the daily expenditure and the modification of community. Firstly, the standard of living is becoming more and more costly. It put a huge pressure for family to make ends meet. In other words, nurturing children imposes tremendous effort, particularly financial requirement, therefore, women tend to be a mother only when she possibly afford her baby. Secondly, as a result of changes society, single-parent households, divorce or independent life from extended family are no longer considered unusual. These things motivate women to have children later when everything is settled down and stable.  
  
Although there are two sides to the increase in the age of women turning into mothers, the advantages are bigger than the disadvantages. First of all, giving birth to later equal to having fewer children. The decline in the birth rate leads to the reduction of population. In simple words, this will help to solve another social issue such as energy consumption, the shortage of natural resources, high demand for education, and health system. More than that, with the strong background of future parents, both financially and mentally, children are born in a well-prepared condition which is a profound contribution to the growth of them.  
  
In conclusion, there are economic and social clarifications that women prefer to have a baby in their late age. Surprisingly, the merits of this difference outweigh its drawbacks due to the benefits from the drop in population expansion also a steady growing environment.
While I can sense the contemplation and consideration that you have given to the discussion topic, your inability to write coherently in English appears to be the main problem with your writing. You have a tendency to write sentences that do not have a clear subject or reason. This leads to under developed sentences, resulting in confusing paragraph presentations. You must aim to write more clearly in your paragraphs. Do not try to write complex sentences at this point as you are not capable of doing that yet. Use only simple, short sentences. Do not try to impress the examiner with your English phrases or other things. The less you try to impress, the better your grade will be. Why? Simple presentations mean less grammar errors, which will lead to better overall scoring considerations for you.  
  
You have the potential to become a better English writer. In fact, I can see your ability to clearly analyze the given question, the only problem is in the structure and clarity of your sentences. Try to perform more English language exercises. Focus on simple and complex sentence development. You will be able to improve. Don't rush at this point. Learn at your own pace. Write at your own pace. You don't have to start writing the Task 2 essays at once. Get a feel for English writing first. Use simple story telling writing techniques first. Then work your way up. The important thing is to improve your writing foundation first.
## fast food consumption by australian adolescents

  
  
IELTS writting task 1: **The line graph below shows changes in the amount and type of fast food consumed by Australian teenagers from 1975 to 2000.  
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant**. Write at least 150 words.  
  
The line graph given illustrates how often Australian adolescents consumed three types of fast food, as measured by the number of times eaten per year, from 1975 to 2000. Overall, pizza, once the most consumed fast food, lost favor with Australian teenager. By comparison, the period given saw a sharp increase in the consumption of fish and chips, and hamburgers.  
  
Pizza, which Australian adolescents ate as high as 100 times per year in 1975, saw slight downward fluctuations until 1985, after which it was in sharp decline. It was overtaken by hamburgers in the late 1980s and by fish and chips in the early 1990s. In 2000, the consumption of pizza fell below 40 times per year.  
  
By contrast, the consumption of hamburgers, and of fish and chips, which was well below 20 times per year each, experienced a dramatic rise, albeit at different rates. The former soared to over 80 times per year in 1985 and then rose steadily to minimally more than 100 times per year in 2000, while the latter increased at a considerable rate before leveling off at over 80 times per year from 1995 and 2000. Noteworthily, throughout the period given, Australian adolescents always ate hamburgers at higher frequencies than fish and chips.  
  
---  
I just saw Holt advocate for the three paragraph task 1 essay so I try to write such one. Hope it works out well.  
  
*
Presentation-wise, your essay is highly acceptable. The grammar is almost that of a native speaker. You have further improved in both your writing, vocabulary, and analytical abilities since I last read your work. I am very proud of how far you have come. Save for 2 spelling errors, which will be highly minor in effect on your final score, I believe you have once again done impressively in this essay. You will not have a problem achieving your target band score, whatever that may be.  
  
Your ability to analyze the information and clearly explain it in this essay is something that I would recommend the other students here emulate. Your analysis is almost perfect. You may want to pull back on the use of commas though. It is a bit of an overkill. You may want to try forming other sentence presentations instead that use other punctuation marks for variety sake and GRA considerations. Remember, you need a balance of simple and complex sentence presentations in the essay to get a better final score.