dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The opening sentence of the prompt restatement is confusing to read. It is stating the first information as a fact, which means there should not be an opposing idea presented in the same idea. A sentence is considered to be clear in its topic statement only when it contains one subject in the presentation. The author used 2 ideas in one sentence. Which is why the sentence structure became faulty and confusing in idea statement. Always present the opposing ideas as such. Refer to opposing sides using group pronouns to achieve this. Make sure that each sentence is understandable through single idea presentations. These sentences can be in the same paragraph, just make sure the presentation sentences are cohesively structured to better support the restatement.  
  
The proper use of group pronouns in the discussion paragraphs are necessary to create the expected point of view reference points for the examiner. Without the group pronouns, the ideas become a general statement from the mind of the writer alone. That is not the purpose of this essay. Its purpose is to compare and contrast 3 points of view, 2 public, one personal. Without the proper pronoun usage, this becomes impossible for the task to achieve. Do not get me wrong, the reasons provided are sound and acceptably developed. The problem, is that a general presentation does not support the required discussion format for comparative essay writing in this task.
***Recently, abortion increases rapidly and becomes a controversial topic.**  
**Some people suppose that abortion should be legal while others are against it.***  
## discuss both views

  
  
When it comes to the decision of whether pregnancy termination should be prohibited or not, opinions differ among people. Although it may have some negative effects, I believe that it is more advantageous if they allow abortion.  
  
On the one hand, abortion ban has a good influence on individuals and society. It is such a dangerous procedure that the mothers could be put at high risk for some health problems like infection, bleeding, heart diseases, and so on. Even if the operations are conducted legally at hospitals with high expertise doctors and good medical conditions, these risks are just minimized, not wholly disappear. Furthermore, pregnancy termination is considered to be murder. As life is likely to start at the beginning stage of pregnancy, putting an end to it means killing a person.  
  
On the other hand, this method should be legal for some benefits. To begin with, abortion can help prevent women from poor living conditions when they are not in a position to give birth to their children. Some may suffer from financial problems due to unemployment and the responsibility to pay for baby nurture expenses such as milk, clothes, or education. Whereas, a large number of teenage moms, especially in the least developed countries like Pakistan, will be forced to leave school and get married early, which could drive them to a future of joblessness and poverty. Moreover, abortion could save women from mental breakdown, depression, or even suicide in case of unintended pregnancy, for example, as a result of rape or forced marriage. Another advantage is that it ensures the rights of women to make decisions about their bodies. As the unborn baby in the womb is a part of the mother's body, no one other than women can ultimately decide whether to bear or not.  
  
In conclusion, it seems to me that abortion should be permitted to enhance life's quality and guarantee the execution of women's rights.
There is a complete lack of pronoun usage in this essay which indicates that the public opinions were not properly considered in the discussion presentations. All of the information stems only from the personal opinion of the writer. Where "Discuss both views" are indicated, the keywords "Some people" and "others" indicate the points of view to be referenced in the reasoning paragraphs. These indicators require the use of group pronouns in the presentation to allow for a defined method of presenting both supporting and dissenting opinions. The writer must use first person references whenever needed to indicate the separation of 3 opinions in the presentation: the public in support, the public in opposition, and the writer's point of view. The summary conclusion is also too brief to be considered a proper recap of the discussion. Aim to write 3 sentences composed of 40 words next time. That means, properly summarize the topic, discussion points, and a closing sentence to end the paper.
## IELTS TASK 1 - Water Usage

  
  
The pie graph provides a comparison of water consumption for three different purposes including industrial, agricultural, and domestic in six areas of the world.  
  
From an overall perspective, it is evident that all areas spent the most significant proportion of water used on agriculture. However, North America and Europe used water largely in the industrial sector. Agricultural used water was highest in Africa, central Asia, and Southeast Asia with a percentage higher than 80% while domestic and industrial allocated at lower than 20%.  
  
Regarding North America and Europe quite similar the proportion of water used when the percentage of industrial respectively 53% and 48%. Around 30% - 40% of the water is used by agriculture and around 15% for domestic use in both these regions. For South America, agricultural use of water is 71% of the total, and industrial and domestic use make up for 19% and 10% of the total, respectively.  
  
*
The pie chart enumeration in the trending paragraph is not complete. It should mention all 6 countries as represented by the 6 pie charts. Otherwise the reader finds himself repeating the statement, counting off the countries mentioned in comparison to the number of pie charts provided. There is one missing. The trending statement has become inaccurate. Additionally, the trending statement should never include a reference to the measurements provided in the image. Only vague references can be made since the trend is not an actual part of the reporting analysis paragraphs. Since there are 6 images provided, this should be an analytical report based on a 4 paragraph presentation. The report is not properly developed and does not offer a complete / accurate analysis of all the image references. Since there are only 151 words provided, there is no way the examiner will consider this a comprehensive report. It should have at least 180 words written to achieve that task.
## IELTS WRITING TASK 2: INTERNATIONAL TOURISM

  
  
**Topic:  
International tourism is now more common than ever before.  
Some feel that this is a positive trend, while others do not.  
  
What are your opinions on this?**  
  
*Answer:*  
  
Recent years have seen considerable growth in global tourism. Yet, there remain some controversies as to whether the overall effect of this tendency has been positive or negative. While there are certainly valid arguments to contrary, I personally believe that the benefits of international holiday making far outweigh its drawbacks. There are two primary reasons for this.  
  
Firstly, global tourism tends to export many positive aspects of the young generation's knowledge. It's an undeniable fact that this trend revolutionizes personal understanding and tolerance between people of different cultures which creates knowledgeable citizens over the world. For example, along with the booming increase of the desire for their children to travel oversea, there has in fact been a proportional growth in the achievement of multinational knowledge, as well as the positive attitudes toward distant nations among youth. Despite the trivial changes it has been bringing, it's a significant step toward developing potential generation.  
  
Further and even more salient, though, is the undeniable economic prosperity it has brought to many destination countries. Since most international tourists are frequently affluent, the influx of them has provided a remarkable fortune, especially for developing countries like Vietnam. Admittedly, the moral decadence of tourists has been causing environmental degradation, however, with the dominant cash flow and regulations relating to ecological preservation that have been enforced this moral issue can be resolved in the foreseeable future.  
  
By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that the flourishing international tourist industry has had a positive impact on modern life because of its influence on human knowledge and the prosperity of host nations.
Where there is no evidence to any controversial claims made in the original reference, none should be made in the restatement. That is because additional information is not a scoring requirement, but rather a scoring deduction in this particular section. The writer is expected to restate the topic without any exaggerations or additional information because that is what a restatement is all about. A factual representation of the writer's understanding of a given topic, without any influence of a personal opinion or exaggerated references. Why? When those 2 aspects are included in a restatement, it changes the discussion topic and reasoning platform, things that run counter to the expectations for a prompt restatement.  
  
The writer did a good job of stating his personal opinion but it was not a complete success. He stated that he had 2 reasons for his belief and yet, he did not outline what these discussion reasons were. The need to outline the discussion reasons are 2 fold:  
  
1. The writer shows the examiner how well he understood the discussion topic  
2. It allows the student to have an outline to follow while writing the essay. It is evidence that the writer took the time to analyze, outline, and actually draft the essay. Things that will help when he is finalizing his response presentation.  
  
The writer has the right ideas in support of his opinion. However, his discussion is not focused on the correct development of these thoughts. His presentations are lacking in proper sentence development and appropriate word usage. He does not deliver a clear thought process because he is trying to complicate the discussion with advanced word usage, when he does not know how to appropriately use these. He was incapable of proper word usage since he does not have the proper sentence writing skills to come up with advanced sentence and paragraph presentations.
**Question:**  
***New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time.***  
## Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

  
  
**Answer:**  
It is controversial that technological advances may have some effects on children's leisure time, which may replace some useful habits. In spite of several benefits that this trend provides, it seems to me that its problems are more significant.  
  
On the one hand, modern devices can be seen as positive for several reasons. To begin with, children can increase their visual and logical thinking by playing computer games. For example, some videos and role-playing games such as Batman: Arkham Knight, Mortal Kombat, and PUBG, and some interactive games can increase their flexibility and creative thinking. In addition, the Internet is an ideal way to keep abreast with many events which occur in daily life as well as some recreational activities, some news that is trendy for younger generations, some stories and information or courses in different fields such as English, Math, etc. in terms of e-reader in lieu of spending time and money going to the shop to buy these. This can result in easily catch up with the latest information and enhance their knowledge even though we stay at home or travel.  
  
However, I totally argue that technologies can bring some demerits for children. The main problem of this phenomenon is that some information posted on some social platforms is fake. For instance, Wikipedia, which is a website has an open source, is always edited by many people easily. As a consequence, children can be easy to approach false information about facts, historical events, or academic materials, which can lead them to wrong cognitive development. Furthermore, technologies also exert a negative influence on children's lifestyles. This is because children can be addicted and dependent if they spend too much time playing video games. As a result, it can cause damage for their eyes as well as lead them to sedentary lifestyle that makes children more overweight and affect to their health.  
  
In conclusion, it seems to me that the disadvantages of using technology to kill time are far overshadowed the advantages due to unrated information and the way children use it which I mentioned in the essay.
There is a problem with the prompt restatement in this presentation. The provided topic is an idea presented in a straightforward manner. There was no reference to a controversy nor a reason for the statement to be controversial. The exaggeration was an unnecessary attempt on the writer's part to over emphasize what should have been a simple discussion rewriting. There is no "controversial" topic being discussed, merely a public opinion. The rewrite also states that   
  
which may replace some useful habits.  
which is not part of the original reference. The writer made 2 topic presentation alterations which no longer aligned the idea presented with the original. There will not be any passing score awarded to this paragraph even as the writer's opinion is correctly presented.  
  
Further problems arose when the discussion veered into the comparative opinion presentation when in reality, the only discussion option for this essay was a single opinion defense. No points will be awarded for the first reasoning paragraph which does not support the given opinion of the writer. Partial scores can and will be awarded for the second paragraph that fully supports the writer's given opinion. It would have been more beneficial to the overall score had the writer used the 2 reasons in the 2nd paragraph as separate supporting evidence for his personal opinion instead. That would have created more cohesive discussion points for the writer's opinion, resulting in a better overall score based on discussion connectivity.
***Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to share freely.***  
  
## Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

  
  
Information is one of the most valuable things in human life from past to present. From this perspective arise debatable topic about whether knowledge in scientific research, business or academic world should be spread as widely as possible, or should these information being kept secretly because some of them are crucial and treasurable. Bases on these two views, I will illustrate my opinion in the essay below.  
  
Putting the first view onto account, there are some pros and cons about it. The first thing that this action brings to is more value knowledge being approached by in-need people. Though not everyone keen on academic information, once it is brought widely it will benefit many students or researchers major in that aspect. Then from those leads to another pro is that there will be more and more excellent people to dedicate for the major in the future. However, sharing those valuable information can be useless, as being said before, not everyone have an interest in academic knowledge.  
  
Coming to the opposite side, people say that information should not be spread widely may be true. Some knowledge about scientific research or business can be a cause to some damage. For example, if a report about living things outer space is confirmed to be exist, people will afraid and unconscious about it, leading to some chaos around the world. Next, if being spread they must charge fee for the information because it valuable and maybe it is a hard work of someone, and they deserve to receive an equal remunerate.  
  
Personally, there is no need to share information about science, business, or education worldwide. One reason is that it meets very interest of very few people. The other is that valuable things are only value when being a secret and hard to approach things.  
  
In conclusion, though many people prefer to share science, business, and academic information worldwide, in my point of view, I rather keeping them privately or charge fee for anyone who wants to access them.
There is no need to over write this essay response. Bear in mind that it is the clarity of the discussion presented that is scored and not the length or word count of the essay. While the essay would automatically pass if only the word count is considered, the clarity of the thought presentation is actually the major consideration when scoring the essay. That means, the sentences need to be in near perfect English form as much as possible. Coherent presentations through proper sentence structuring and word usage are major considerations when the examiner reads the work. That coherence can be accomplished only if the paragraphs have correct references in terms of pronoun usage and word usage.  
  
Since this is a "discuss both views and provide a personal opinion" essay, the presentation should have accomplished the following in the discussion:  
  
1. Present the public opinion individually  
2. Explain the basis for each public opinion in individual paragraphs  
3. Offer his personal insight for each POV based on his understanding of the public stance.  
  
Pronoun usage should be more pronounced in the presentation since there is a requirement to differentiate between POV presentations. The more group pronouns used in the public consideration, the clearer the opinion separation and idea discussion will be. All points must be equally developed. The personal presentation in this response is not as well developed as the first 2 paragraphs, that shows a lack of analysis on the part of the writer. He should have elaborated on his personal reasons a bit more.  
  
The summary conclusion is insufficient. It only presents one of the two public opinions. The writer's opinion should have come after the restatement of the 2 POV's and its supporting reasons.  
  
These are the reasons why I must repeat that the emphasis of the writer should be on the quality of the work rather than the quantity of the words in the essay.
## The maps illustrate how the beachfront area in Australia changed in 1950 and the present day.

  
  
Overall, significant changes have been made in term of the front coast, especially on the eastern side of the beach. ・Firstly, the beachfront has been developed and the number of car park has increased  
  
In 1950, there was only a road branch lead to the car park. A road has been expanded to the beach, as there are now two car parks, which are belonging to the road. The playground has been replaced by the car park the dinning tables and pavillon remains in the same place, which is located in the middle of two car parks. The light house remains in the same place and appears at the end of the road. Two clubs have been constructed opposite each other. The surf club is located on the west side near the 50m pool. And the other club is located near the lighthouse and the 25m pool. There were two pools having the same size, which is 25m but the one on the west side has been changed and is now much larger. A restaurant has been built up near the 50m pool. Finally, the beach is unchanged.  
  
*   
*The maps below show a beachfront area in Australia in 1950 and today.*
Actually, the summary should include the number of images . There should also be a clear word reference to the succeeding action of the report which is a comparative analysis. Please note that bullet points as used above should not be reflected in a task 1 presentation.  
  
While the differences are well reported these should have been done over the course of 2 analytical paragraphs. One for the original layout and a separate one that compares the changes then and now. These are apart of the expected format presentation requirements. Failure to meet this will result in accuracy deductions.  
  
The paragraphs should be divided by map title for clarity. Current reporting on the part of the author is thoroughly confusing as the data fails to clearly indicate the "when" of the information shared.
***In many countries today, people buy a range of household goods (television, microwave, oven and rice cookers).***  
## Is it positive or negative development?

  
  
It is a norm for families these days to equip their houses with a variety of household electrical appliances. In my opinion, both merits and downsides can be seen in such a tendency, however, I would argue that the drawbacks outweigh the benefits significantly.  
  
The fact that people direct their concerns towards household products is emblematic of a rise in living standard. Those appliances are virtually indispensable to families as it not only saves a great amount of time regarding domestic work but also plays a wider role in the mental life as well. For example, the Vietnamese traditional Tet holiday has food as the fundamental part and during this Lunar New Year celebration, people, especially women used to be in the tremendous and time-consuming business of preparing dishes peculiar to the festival. With the help of kitchen appliances, however, this work no longer occupies so much time as it took. Seen from the psychological perspective, this increases the time for other activities, such as a leisurely meal, which make life seem much easier. Furthermore, digital household goods like a television also contribute significantly as entertainers after a heavy day at work. In effect, turning on the set has been an easy option on rainy days and a decent way to bring the family together with a good show.  
  
Despite the positives mentioned above, there are a couple of reasons that turn the activity of purchasing a wide range of household appliances into an overall negative one. Firstly, the usage of those devices certainly increases the electric demand around the world and in order to meet this surge in need, power plants will be erected more and more. This results in the exploitation of land resources as well as others like coal to operate and generate the gargantuan amount of electricity consumed in each household. Secondly, electrical machines and devices usually go unfashionable very soon as new versions come out. As a result, a throw-away society is formed with many adverse consequences to the environment, including the increasingly growing mountain of electronic waste. This type of waste is linked to serious health problems due to toxic chemicals released into the land and water or the air when exposed to heat.  
  
In conclusion, while I agree with the sort of entertainment and convenience electrical appliances bring about, I strongly believe that it is a detrimental trend considering the environmental impacts.
Always remember to use a timer when doing the practice test. That way an accurate assessment of written word abilities can be made by the writer. The word count is an important consideration often overlooked by exam takers as they neglect to edit and proofread their draft to enhance its potential final score. 399 words are unnecessary is a simple explanatory writing task such as this. Most specially when the opinion clarity and discussion format requirements were not met by the writer.  
  
The writer's opinion requirement is not comparative in nature. The instruction provides for a single opinion justification. It is important to learn how to analyze the prompt for opinion requirements. Where a clear compare and contrast instruction is not found, focus on a single opinion presentation.  
  
In this case the writer focused on proving both sides to be correct even as this discussion format ran opposite to his actual opinion. Therefore, the task discussion expectation was not met.  
  
There is no clear defensible opinion present in the essay. It has failed to properly discuss the topic based on the given instruction.