dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## past, present and future of populations from Oman and Spain

  
  
A breakdown of the citizen ages in the two nations in 2005 and the forecast for 2055 is depicted in the pie charts.  
  
In 2005, both the youngest and the elderly had the same proportion of initially 48% in Oman, while the middle age one emerged at 4%. In Spain, the younger generation was seen as the lowest portion with 14%, whereas the oldest had the largest percentage of 62, and the people aged 15-59 was the second biggest fraction with almost a quarter.  
  
By 2055, although the population of younger people in Oman is predicted to increase to 6%, that of those will remain the minority, while the population of the oldest people is envisaged to have growth by 9%. In Spain, the number of the elderly will be shown a decline, but there will be an incline of the figure for the middle age people, being the greatest one in the state.  
  
Overall, the population of the youngest will drop considerably in Oman, whereas the middle-age portion in Spain will be likely to rise dramatically. Meanwhile, the figure for the elderly in those countries will still prevail as the hugest of all ages.  
  
*
@yasabh  
Welcome to the forum! Here is my feedback on your writing. I hope that it somewhat helps you in your learning.  
  
Generally speaking, there's nothing glaringly wrong about your writing. However, there are a few things that you can be more mindful of to improve the flow of the composition in its entirety.  
  
Firstly, to omit the possibility of being misunderstood, sticking with very basic structural patterns for writing can go a long way. This doesn't have to mean that you are basic and would know only of the most fundamental parts of writing. However, this will surely help you reactivate that sense of balance that is often stripped from essays when you try "too hard" to incorporate complexity. For example, divide the second paragraph's first sentence into two shorter ones. Do the same for the third paragraph.  
  
The observations you had in your conclusion were also lacking. You focused too much on superficial observations; hence, it seemed more like a summation than a conclusion. A conclusion should be observing what these statistics actually mean from a subjective viewpoint. In that way, you aren't going to be lost in translation.
Hi @yasabh I just notice that you've made some grammar mistakes, let me correct it for you:  
  
Paragraph 2 :  
  
In 2005, both of the youngest ...  
... the lowest ~~portion~~  **percentage** with 14%, ... the largest ~~percentage~~ figure ~~of 62~~ (what did you want to say?)... biggest ~~fraction~~ **proportion** with almost a quarter.  
  
Paragraph 3:  
  
... to increase (**up)** to 6%, ... remain as the minority...  
  
hope it helps
Dear Mr. Yasin,  
I would like to give some feedbacks on your essay.  
1. ... percentage of 62**%**  
2. second biggest **group** **accounted for** a quarter **of population**  
3. You might want to add adjective to give better explanation, exp. a noticeable growth, a slight incline, etc.  
4. There will be an incline **in**...  
5. Middle**-aged** people  
6. ~~the greatest one~~ in the state => **the largest population** in the state  
7. ~~hugest of all ages~~ => **biggest of all age groups**
## Broadcast on TV and print in Newspapers

  
  
**Topic: News editors decide what to broadcast on television and what to print in newspapers. What factors do you think influence these decision? Do we become used to bad news? Would it be better if more good news was reported?**  
  
Nowadays, the broadcasting information and news through TV or newspapers plays an important role because of the demand to update them of people. This essay would like to discuss on the factors that affect the decision of news editors to choice what to broadcast on TV and what to print in newspaper as well as the role and the effect of bad news and good news on our life.  
  
On the one hand, the fact that there are several factors that effect on news editors' decision. Firstly, it is their qualification. People with good qualification might have the higher ability to classify what should be broadcasted on TV or newspaper as well as distinguish between fake news and reliable news than others. Another factor is their responsibilities for the works. In some cases, if news editors do not pay attention to their works, it might lead to something wrong happening that affect negatively and considerable their decisions.  
  
On the other hand, there are debates on whether people become used to bad news because there are a large amount of bad news broadcasted every day. Besides, many point of views that it is better if more good news is reported. The fact is that the public has the right to approach reliable news and information. Not only bad news but also good news should be broadcasted quickly and reliably to viewers and readers. The updated and reliability of news, not providing more good news, will make it better. Simultaneously, the readers and viewers will choice what they want to know and becoming used to bad news or not might depends on themselves.  
  
In conclusion, several factors affect significantly the decision of news editors as aforementioned. Bad and good news play equally important roles; becoming used to bad news or good news depends on the approaches of readers and viewers; and the updated and reliability of news plays a more important role to make our life better.
@hungxd08  
Hi! I would like to give you some opinions about the introduction of the essay.  
  
... an important role in everybody's life because of our high demand to get updated. T  
... to discuss ~~on~~ the factors ... editors to ~~choice~~ choose what to ... in the newspaper ~~as well as (...) on our life~~ *(I think this statement is irrelevant to the question. You should answer the two last questions which are* "***Do we become used to bad news? Would it be better if more good news was reported?***".)
## it support and opening hours

  
  
*The charts below show the results of a survey conducted by a university library to find out the opinions of full-time and part-time students about its services.*  
  
**Essay**  
  
The four pie charts present the results of a survey carried out by a university library to collect feedbacks from full-time and part-time students about its IT support and opening hours.  
  
Overall, full-time students are more satisfied with both IT support and opening hours than part-time students. Besides, nearly 100% of full-time students are pleased with the opening hours, whilst part-time students show a significant amount of "dissatisfied" towards the IT support, around 45%.  
  
As for IT support, 85% of full-time students are happy with the service whilst nearly half of part-time students are displeased. Additionally, the number of very satisfied part-time students only accounts for 20%, which is less than half the number of very satisfied full-time students.  
  
In terms of opening hours, 99% of full-time students are happy with the opening hours as compared to 95% of the part-time students. In details, more than half of them in the two relevant charts reported that they were very satisfied, 87% for full-time students and 72% for part-time students.  
  
*
## Nowadays we are producing more and more rubbish.

  
  
The enviroment today is threatened by many factors like air, water pollution. Howercer, among the most concerning is the increase in the amount of waste production. Scientists argue why this problem appears in human life. At that time, the role of goverments in tackling this issue should be more.  
  
To begin with, one of the main reason for increasing rubbish is oerly purchase habit of people. Nowadays, they often tend to be addicted in going shopping which means that they buy more than what they really need. Advertisers encourage us to buy the newest fashion or if something breaks, we throw it away and buy the new one. It is noticed that someone prefer to use plastic bags or plastic bottles that need around 100 years to be decomposed. What's more, the rapid growth of garbage is directly linked to the growth of world population in the past few years. As the number of people grows the number of products they comsume also rises. It is undeniable that waste production will automatically increase.  
  
To counter this, governments can play a major role in this problem. They should make a clear regulation about limiting the usage of plastic bags, bottles combine with encouraging people replace them with recyclable paper. Futhermore, governments can also run advertisements in ways that household can reduce the trash in a good way. Growing more trees should be encouraged because it is the best way to make use of these large garbages to become fertilizer for them which also protects the air asmosphere if we have a lot of trees.  
  
In conclusion, it is true that people today are producing more garbage than ever before. So now, both governments and people are responsible for the amount of rubbish being rised. Also, all human being should learn how to be friendly with our environment.
Helllooo there...,  
  
Could you please submit the question?  
  
The introduction you write is good, but it needs a slight improvement on your thesis statement. I found a generic phrase that is commonly used in students' esaays bringing a little value: **the role of goverments in tackling**. I suggest omitting it.  
  
When it comes to body paragraphs, I found that some sentences are a lack of overall progressions. This is because you fail to link the sentence to another sentence. As it can be seen in the 2nd paragraph you discuss the rise in rubbish, then suddenly jump to shopping addiction and finally without any detailed development from the two previous sentences, you come up with "How advertisement encourages people to buy more". These three sentences are failed to deliver the message.  
  
I did not see any example in body paragraphs to support your claim. An example is needed to break down your idea into small chuck so readers are easy to follow your thought.  
  
It is always good to check spelling through the online dictionary before submitting your essay.  
  
Hope this helps.  
  
Eddy Suaib, an IELTS trainer, Kampung Inggris Pare
Good evening everyone!  
Would you mind to give me some advice for my writing task 1? Below are the topic and my answer.  
  
## female literacy and population growth in the graph

  
  
**The graph below show the rate of women's literacy and population growth to selected countries from 1998 to 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
The given bar chart illustrates the percentage of female literacy and population growth in different Asian countries during the period from 1998 to 2000.  
As is shown by the graph, there was a correlation between the women's literacy and the birthrate throughout two years. Thailand and Columbia who experienced the largest proportion of educated women, accounted for 96% and the low level of the population growth, namely under 1.9%. By contrast, the highest birthrate is believed that it was the original root for the bottom level of female literacy in Yemen Arab Rep. and Afghanistan, approximately 4% and 8.5% respectively. In the same way, Mali, Sudan, Pakistan and Dominican Rep underwent the high level of birthrate as well as the low percentage of women who were educated, averaged about 16%.  
  
Nevertheless, these above assumption might not be exact to the rest of nations. Particularly, despite of the lowest proportion of population growth made up 1.2%, Sri Lanka witnessed its percentage of educated women was lower than both Columbia and Thailand. It is also interesting to note that women in the countries which witnessed a plenty of either civil wars or terrorism such as Afghanistan, Mali, Sudan and Parkistan had less chance to go to school than the others.  
  
*
@Hanglmk  
Welcome here. Here is my feedback on your writing. Please don't hesitate to approach once more if you have any other questions.  
  
Like what I tell most people who write these forms of more technical analysis, it goes a long way if you are able to properly expound while ensuring that you have fully followed the standards set by writing grammatically correct texts. This would include, of course, the usage of preposition, which I feel is one angle of writing that you need to work on a bit more. For instance, the first sentence had quite a redundant use of this because it was a bit unclear still if this really should have been the direction of the write-up.  
  
Aside from this, I think that the conclusion you made is exquisite. It was really based on a personal analysis, which is much preferred over a vague glossing over of the summation. Maintain this and just improve on the first parts of the writing - then, you should be able to be clearly heard in the write-up. Best of luck!
Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no special knowledge of the following topic:  
  
***## The idea of having a single career is becoming an old fashioned one.

  
The new fashion might be to have several careers or ways of earning money and further education will be something that continues throughout life.***  
  
Nowadays, many people think that pursuing several careers or ways of earning money and further education is better than having a single career. In my opinion, I would argue that both cases also have their own advantages and disadvantages and the most important thing are our choices.  
  
On the one hand, having one work might be appropriate for a large number of people. Firstly, focusing on only one long-term work might help people to obtain high promotions with higher income than other. The fact is that employees or officers might improve significantly their qualifications and experiences that make their considerable advantages compared to others who do not focusing on works. Secondly, not everyone might have ability to pursuit several works or way of earning money and further education. Instead of wasting their health to do many works at the same time or further studying, they should focus on their current work and spend the free time for relaxing or taking care of their family.  
  
On the other hand, pursuing several careers or ways of earning money or further education also bring a large amount of advantages. Firstly, through experiencing several careers, people might choose the most proper career that they feel satisfies and happiest. Secondly, by doing several works at the same time, employees might earn extra money that might be spent for their family, travelling. Thirdly, higher education might have people have a good profile that might make significant advantage when they apply for higher position in the future compared to others.  
  
In conclusion, I would argue that having a single career or pursuing several works or ways of earning money and higher education also has their own advantages. People should carefully consider before choosing which one is most proper to them.
@hungxd08  
Hi, I'll give you feedback on this essay. I hope that this somehow helps you in your learning endeavors.  
  
First and foremost, ensure that you are delivering the message of your text with as much clarity as possible. For instance, in the first paragraph, the first line should have been trimmed down to ensure that you aren't going to be misinterpreted. Try to straight up just mention that *people now have more options with regards to their long-term career* as putting it this way appears more concise and yet still stands for the meaning you wanted to relay. Utilize this line throughout the writing when you want to mention again what the core message of the text is.  
  
Furthermore, I find that the very vague way that you introduce concepts and lines is ineffective because it deprives the readers of the necessary depth that they would need otherwise. Try to keep in mind that having a one-liner where you mention that *people are more satisfied in their careers because of this* appears to be just a hanging thought. Try to illustrate more a line. Focus more on quality and depth over the quantity of information you're putting out here.
@Sunrise011  
Out of 15, I would give this essay an 8. It definitely is passable, however there were key parts of the writing that could have been improved.  
  
For one, you have a tendency to overdo your sentences in a way that they appear to be run-on rather than a smoother writing pattern. What I suggest is dealing with simplified sentences first before you build up the length. That way, you will evade being "too much" in a sense.  
  
Furthermore, it is imperative to be mindful of being specific when you are writing. There's a very thin line between the three values that you pushed forward here; hence, it would difficult to discern whether or not the writing is actually tailor-fit to what concept you are introducing. Be very careful of this, especially since you need to focus more on ensuring that you are properly being understood by your readers.
## recognition and respect

  
  
**TOPIC**:  
*Some employers reward members of staff for their exceptional contribution to the company by giving them extra money. This practice can act as an incentive for some but may also have a negative impact on others.  
  
To what extent is this style of management effective?  
Are there better ways of encouraging employees to work hard?*  
  
**ESSAY**:  
In the art of management, admiring employees for their outstanding performances is an indispensable way to uphold the motivation and endeavor for working. One of the most common methods is to pay a better compensation which may reach some members' satisfaction, while causing demerits to the others. From my perspective, there are several measures to tribute the extra - ordinary staff which are required to be taken rationally depending on their demands. This essay will analyze the practice above comprehensively and introduce other popular styles of management.  
  
Practically, there are various types of employees with different needs, which can be categorized specifically into five levels, according to Maslow hierarchy of needs. Those standing in the two first group concern mostly about basic human activities and physiological materials, including safety, employment to make ends meet, ...They are mainly manual laborers or employees with low salary, easily being content with bonus, as to better their living condition. In fact, the willingness to work diligently derives from the hope to ease daily spending burden and earn a financial surplus. It is inevitable that a majority of job - seekers, especially graduates, take higher consideration into well - paid jobs at first, in which stage, money is their affection in working.  
  
On the other hand, in terms of professional employees, giving extra money is not a sensible way to reinvigorate them. Having reaped several benefits, including a high salary to fulfill their lowest human needs, they are on their ways to reach higher ones such as self - esteem and -actualization. As the matter of fact, recognition and respect from others act as a trigger for the hard working and substantial contribution. Based on this very theory, employers can introduce a reputation award, for instance, entitling the remarkable employee of the month, the year..., presenting their names on the honor board or as representatives of the company...Another means is to reward them with a further education and training in their specialization or soft skills.  
  
In conclusion, a competent and considerate employer is deemed to know their employees' potential and internal demands thoroughly in order to apply the most suitable style of management that satisfies a large number of the company's members.
Hi there,  
I have some opinions about your essay. I hope it helps.  
  
1/ Grammar  
There are so many grammar mistakes related to word choices and collocations. Here are some examples:  
  
- endeavor ~~for working~~ => **to work**. We say endeavor to do something for both Noun and Verb.  
- demerits ~~to~~ the others => **of**  
- to ~~tribute~~  the ~~extra - ordinary~~ staff ~~which~~ are required....=> to **pay tribute to** the **extraordinary** staff **who** are required....... You should have used "who" instead of "which" in this sentence because "staff" is a person.  
  
- fulfill their lowest ~~human~~ needs => There is no need to say "human" here because we all know that you're talking about human in this context and that word barely contributes to the meaning of the sentence.  
  
Here are some inappropriate words, apart from some good word choices, that make it so hard to understand your essay. I only point out some words in the introduction paragraph, and you might want to have a look at the entire essay.  
  
- You should not use the word ~~indispensable~~ in this context because it means "someone or something that is indispensable is **so important or useful that it is impossible to manage without them**.  
  
- ~~to uphold the motivation~~ => The world "uphold" is inappropriate because we use this word mostly in court, and "uphold the motivation" is not a correct collocation.  
  
- ~~reach some members' satisfaction~~ => We have "reach out to somebody" or "reach somebody" (succeed in talking to someone or succeed in making someone understand or accept what you tell them)  
  
- etc.  
  
2/ The content of the essay  
  
- You are over limited words. You wrote 367 words. Although IELTS writing task 2 requires you to write at least 250, that doesn't mean you go far over the limit. You won't have enough time to write that many words in the actual exam. I think you should try to shorten your writing (260-280).  
  
- I barely see the connection between the paragraphs. This is a "double - questions" type in task 2, and you didn't answer or state your idea regarding question 1 in your introduction paragraph.  
  
- Your ideas are too general and don't fully develop. "Several measures" or "the practice above" are not a specific idea. What are the particular measures and what practice is it? Because you didn't write specifically, the links between the paragraph are very loose.  
  
- You use too much intensive information, which is unnecessary in IELTS writing task 2. For example, you mentioned "five levels", "Maslow hierarchy of needs", "two first group concern", etc., and you don't explain clearly what five levels are, or what is the Maslow hierarchy of needs? and what group concern you are talking about? If the information in your essay is not clear, precise, and concise to the question, you will hardly get your desired score.
## popularity of famous fast foods chains

  
  
The pie charts present the percentage of the best fast food restaurants according to teenagers in Vietnam and Indonesia from 2017 to 2027, a 10-year priode.  
  
Overall, the proportion of McDonald's consumptions in Indonesia was initially higher that of those in Vietnam but it is eventually predicted to show the reverse.  
  
In 2017, more teenagers in Vietnam preferred to consume Burger King with 52.8% but this percentage was lower in Indonesia while the proportion of McDonald's showed the highest. In addition, KFC consumption in Vietnam came as last preference with 4.1%.  
  
Apart from previous comparison, the percentages of McDonald's and KFC consumed by youth in Vietnam are predicted to increase by 14% and 2%, respectively but that of Burger King will show a significant fall from 52.8% to 39%. In Indonesia, almost all fast food restaurant, are envisaget to decrease, except KFC rising to 39.2% in the term of favorite one by 2027.  
  
*