dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**IELTS 1 Topic:  
## The two maps below show an island, before and after the construction of some tourist facilities.

  
Summerise some information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
My essay:  
  
The maps illustrate some changes on the island without and with the development of new infrastructures.  
  
Overall, the island experienced considerable changes during the period. The most noticeable differences between the two maps are that the second one is equipped full of tourism purposes.  
  
As can be seen from the maps, the first map shows nothing on the island except some trees and a beach in the west, but the second map illustrates the changes after constructing facilities. Two areas of accommodation have been built to both the east and west of the island. Besides, each footpath is connected with western accommodation units and leads to the beach. Furthermore, on the first map visitors can not able to swim, but on the second map, a swimming facility is available.  
  
Turning to the other features, we can see that there is a restaurant in the north of the island and a central reception block is surrounded by the vehicle track. This track runs through the reception from the north to south to lead a pier where tourists can go sailing.  
  
*
The image number indicator is an integral part of this presentation for summary clarity. Note the clarity difference for the reader in the following :  
  
*The maps illustrate changes...  
  
2 maps have been provided that illustrate changes ...*  
  
The first one is a vague general reference. It poorly informs the reader. The second one clarifies the number of comparative images in relation to the discussion requirement.  
  
Superflous word fillers do not add any substance to the sentence in terms of overall scoring. Avoid the use of phrases like;  
  
As can be seen from the maps,  
This can be ommitted and / or avoided. Direct image references work best in terms of scoring potential.  
  
The rest of the presentation is clear and detailed. It shows a passing score potential.
## Percentage of Australia men and women doing regular physical activity in 2010

  
  
The given data illustrates the proportion between male and female in Australia, who commonly did physical activity in different age groups, in 2010.  
  
Overall, it can be seen that the frequency of women doing physical activities are much higher than men during the period of ages. However, at the end of period male shows an upward trend while female dropped unsteadily.  
  
Looking at the figures, female has the highest percentage throughout the period, rising from 47.7% of 15 to 24 to 53.3% of 45 to 54 years. However, this percentage decrease slightly during every decade, only 47.1% of over- 65 year- old are doing exercise in late adulthood.  
  
Conversely, at the beginning of period, men shows a downward trend after peaking 52.8% in ages of 15 to 24 years, these percents fell dramatically to 39.5%. But in the following ages of 45 to 54, the line rose slowly from 39.5% to 43.1% and continued to rise and peak at 46.7% at the older group towards the end of the period.
The essay represents an acceptable word count for this presentation. However, the accuracy of the data presented is questionable due to the lack of image. The image itself is not identified in an accurate or any manner in the summary overview. That is why it is impossible fur the reader to create an accurate mental image of the provided information. Prompt and information accuracy is questionable at this point. The report is quickly witten. It relies on easily viewable information from the image, providing a summary of information, but not an analysis of the data provided. Additional probing in the discussion is required as the funding statement cannot be veiled as a complete and thorough study of the image data.
@minhhuyenle  
there is no image so it's hard for the readers to visualize the accurate image of the graph.  
and there are some few grammar errors:  
... doing physical activities ~~are~~ was much higher ...  
... end of period male ~~shows~~ showed an upward trend ...  
  
female ~~has~~ had the highest ...  
men ~~shows~~ showed a downward trend ... -> nd it is not men showed...,  
it should be the proportion/percentage of/the figure for ...
## gym membership

  
  
*(The graph gives information about male and female gym membership between 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.)*  
  
The line chart describes male and female gym membership over 30 years. In this period, both genders underwent several drastic changes.  
  
In 1980, the number of men holding gym membership was around 2000, two times higher than women. For the next ten years, the same trend continued. However, the rise and fall of male gym membership were dramatic in this period. It reached a peak at almost 4000 in 1985 and encountered a sharp decline afterward. As for female membership, it experienced a fluctuation between 1980 and 1900. Yet, generally speaking, the growth of women holding gym membership was evident. From 1900 to 2000, the trend of more males attending gym reversed. It was the years when the rates of men were at their lowest, which lingered around 1700, female rates at their highest. Around the end of the 20th century, the male rates slowly climbed back. In 2000, the number was approximately 2300. In the next five years, it rose rapidly and reached almost 5000 at its highest peak. At meanwhile, the rates of women experienced a slight decrease. However, it bounced back soon and had steady growth until 2006. In 2006, the rate dropped again. The same tendency appeared in the change of male membership, but the decline was far more significant. The gym lost four-fifth of its male members. The male membership went down from the highest 5000 to the lowest over 30 years.  
  
*
30 years  
For clarity purposes, you must present the year coverage upfront. While the reference works as a time reference. The year coverage is for data summary purposes.  
  
In this period, both genders underwent ...  
This sentence is a trending introduction. Where is the actual trending sentence/ statement?  
  
It is difficult to read your report because you did not use the correct paragraph format. This is a 3 paragraph presentation due to the single image presentation. Proper paragraph seperation makes for easier reading and data understanding .  
  
You should also better group the data presentation. One for men and one for women. The analysis will be easier to follow that way. Collated information per gender helps with keeping track of data. Meanwhile, the comparative analysis can be the trending statement.
***TODAY MANY CHILDREN SPEND A LOT OF TIME PLAYING COMPUTER GAMES AND LITTLE TIME ON SPORTS.***  
## WHY IS IT? IS IT A POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE DEVELOPMENT?

  
  
In modern life, video games have gained much popularity among the youngsters and children thanks to its relaxation and entertainment. There are many reasons for this phenomenon, but in my personal perspective, this development can be deemed as a negative change.  
  
Nowadays, many children are gluing their eyes to the screen playing games for various reasons. Video games are now becoming more and more diverse and attractive than they were in our parents' time (20-25 years ago), which draws many youngsters' attention. Indeed, gaming experience now is better for gamers. For instance, players are constantly given scores, new targets, rewards and achievements to keep them playing, which becomes an enormous temptation that users can not easily resist and it prevents them from exercising to improve their health. On top of that, to some unfortunate offspring who live in a dysfunctional family, computer games are considered a getaway from their anguish reality, deterring them from positive thinking and raising their optimistic thoughts.  
  
Besides, many problems arise around spending too much time on computer-based games that cannot be forecasted and underestimated. As said before, electronic games are lures that once users are trapped in, it is extremely difficult for them to get out. Lack of sports activities and physical exercises will bring many issues to gamers. Put it differently, wasting all day looking at a computer screen leads to various acute health problems. Weak eyesight, bad posture and obesity are the best illustration for this statement. In addition, spending all day in front of electronic devices also results in children's study severely, with no time for doing homework and revisions, their further study will be ruined, which significantly affects these people's future.  
  
In conclusion the rise of gaming and the decline in exercising are based on different reasons. Games can either be advantageous or not, depending on how the users utilize it.
There is a repeated word meaning based on synonym usage in the first paragraph. Youngsters and children refer to similar age groups. since "children'' is the keyword used in the presentation, it should not have been used in the restatement. Rather, the word youngsters alone should have been used to refer to an alternative word representation. It must also be pointed out that a "negative change" does not have the same meaning as a negative development:  
  
Development- noun; a significant consequence or event  
  
Change- verb; to transform or convert  
  
The error in word usage will negatively affect the LR and GRA score.  
  
The writer uses effective reasoning in the paragraphs. That is not to say that the reasons are consistently well developed because these are not. In every paragraph, the second topic always lacks in terms of a fully developed explanation. This affects the coherence and clarity of the explanation. It is always better for the final score to have a single well explained reason in a paragraph than to ruin it with a second weakly explained reason alongside it.  
  
Additional deductions will apply for the sudden change in the writer's . in the concluding summary. It went from;  
  
this development can be deemed as a negative change.  
at the start to;  
  
Games can either be advantageous or not, depending on how the users utilize it.  
The discussion and opinion reference totally changed in the end.
## superstition and fortune-telling topic

  
  
Nowadays, superstition is a hot issue in many areas. Many individuals think that fortune-telling and other superstitious belief are essential for cultural maintenance while others had an opinion that the governments should outlaw them. I have a strong belief that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages when mentioning this issue.  
  
On the one hand, fortune-telling which belongs to the spiritual realm gives us some benefits in almost for our mental life. Firstly, in our psychological individuals, a strong belief in superstition serves to alleviate fear and encourage optimistic ideas. Additionally, belief in destiny provides a person with a sense of security as well as trust and helps render life a coherent narrative, which infuses goals with greater sense of purposes. For example, we can receive a good prophecy or advice in the first days of the year from the fortune-tellers and this can be a source of motivation for us to succeed at work or studying. Secondly, besides the personal aspect, fortune-telling and superstitious rituals have ancient values which are tied to the tradition of our ancestral beliefs. It helps differentiate and maintain the cultural values of each country or area.  
  
On the other hand, I have a complete belief that the law should interfere with people's excessive superstition for the following reasons. Firstly, this kind of ritual influences human life with many problems of fraud or performing silly divination acts to cheat money from gullible people. This makes a large number of criminal threats in social life and endangers other fields relating to a cultural value such as tourist attractions about the old town. For example,  
  
a lady has just murdered her little grandkids because of her naive belief in fortune-telling. Furthermore, it comes to a feeling of relaxation, laziness and makes people rely on predictions instead of hard work. Additionally, it can also arise to depression, mental disorder, or systems of anxiety tension, and so on.  
  
In conclusion, although superstition and fortune-telling used to play a huge role in remaining our cultural value, we should always learn to be optimistic in all matters for it as well constitutes positive energy and way of life in this modern era.
It appears that the student created an original topic for the Task 2 discussion. This prompt cannot be sourced from the standard materials and sources. It also has confusing discussion instructions as it combines 3 different response formats in one essay:  
  
- discuss both views  
- extent response  
- advantage V. disadvantage  
  
A proper task 2 essay prompt will provide a writing instruction based solely on 1 of the 3 discussion formats. Due to the conflicting discussion requirements, I will be unable to proceed with a review of this paper. Kindly develop another essay based on a properly witten original prompt. The writer does not need to make one up as there are countless free prompts available online. A proper assessment can only be completed when a properly instructed essay is developed and presented for review.
## Importing Food Products from abroad

  
  
In this modern era, there are a number of countries, which have a tendency to import the foreigner food all over the world.Recently,these activities lead to both advantageous and disadvantageous consequences. This essay would show my point of view about both sides of this issue  
  
On the one hand,food importing countries are able to vary their domestic volume of food and also make profits for those exporting ones. Firstly, when nutrition demands are higher and higher day by day, the governments need to meet the requirements of all the citizens. Thus, not only international relations but also people's health qualities are improved by consuming imported food. Secondly, all of the exporting countries make money from providing food to other countries. Beside returning their profits back to contribute to the national economy, it could help them to promote their brands internationally and access more closely to foreigner customers.  
  
On the other hand, due to distributing food to other countries, foreigner businesses have gained success in the worldwide market. However, this is also a factor that leads to less consumption of internal food in each country. Furthermore, It is inevitable that the higher requirements people have, the more easily poor imitations are produced. For example, when people order a huge number of oversea products, but not research carefully their origins and providers.Then, they could receive a lot of food with an unsafe standard and worsen their health too.  
  
To sum up, I reckon that the increase in importing food almost has positive effects on both political and living grounds. Moreover, governments need to find solutions to better food problems, which involve low quality food, harmful chemicals in food, etc.
The use of the word " consequences" is incorrect in the first paragraph.This is improper ' word usage based on lexical meaning:  
  
Consequences - root word: consequence; noun; the effect, result, or outcome of something occurring earlier: The accident was the consequence of reckless driving; implies a negative result.  
  
The word should not have been used at all in that sentence as it is both evidence of incorrect word usage and grammar inaccuracy.  
  
While the essay presents several strong reasons representing both sides, that was all the writer made an effort to do. There is no evidence of logic and reasoning presented in defense or support of the ideas provided. The essay does not clearly develop the believability of any provided discussion points through any explanations or examples. The essay does not meet the discussion requirements as expected.
## Proportion of vehicle registration in the USA

  
  
The graph below shows changes in the share of vehicle registrations of the three most common types of commercial vehicles in the US between 1970 and 2010.  
  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.  
  
The graph is here: drive.google.com/file/d/11BG\_FD37OOwXuzN0vOpMpOAJF9\_2DFU1/view?usp=drivesdk  
  
This is my answer:  
The graph gives information about changes in the share of vehicle registrations of the three most common type of commercial vehicles in the US, which are truck, taxi, and bus, between 1970 and 2010. In 1970, truck was the most popular with nearly 50% of registration, while bus had the lowest prevalence of vehicle registration, approximately 5%. Taxi at that time had an average proportion of registration, at about 25%. By the year 1980, taxi and bus enjoyed a steady upward trend of 35% for the former and 15% for the latter. Nevertheless, the proportion of truck registration experienced a sharp decrease to 30% and maintained that percentage until 1990 then grew back again after that. The year 1990 also witnessed a dramatic fall of taxi's proportion of registration when it fell to 15%. The registration of bus reduced constantly as well with 10%. Move on to the year 2000, the percentages of taxi and bus registration continued to fall down slightly to 15% and 5%. However, taxi's registration jumped sharply and reached 35% in 2010, when the prevalence of bus registration still went down and had lower than 5%. The proportion of truck registration still got the first place when it increased to 45% by the year 2010.
We do not access images that are not located on our seiner due to software and security concerns. As a warning, the forum cannot be held liable for any damage possibly incurred by a user who accesses an exterior site. The essay will be reviewed based on general considerations.  
  
Remember that this report is being written for a specific audience. Therefore, concrete image references are required. A graph can mean and describe any measurement image. The reader will be looking for specific image identities since the measurement comparisons are reliant on the type of measurement image used. It must be a report compliant image based on the target audience.  
  
The report may not be presented as a single paragraph. The required format a task I essay is a 3 format paragraph analysis. Each aspect of the graph must be presented in a proper comparative paragraph to meet the analyze and compare where relevant reporting requirement of the instructions provided.
**Topic:  
*MOST COUNTRIES WANT TO IMPROVE THE STANDARD OF LIVING THROUGH ECONOMIC DEVELOPMENT, HOWEVER, OTHERS THINK SOCIAL VALUE IS LOST AS A RESULT.*  
## DO YOU THINK THE ADVANTAGES OF ECONOMIC DEVELOPMENT OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES?**  
  
It is true that most governments invest in developing economy to boost the standard of living. But the others think that as a result, this development will cause loss of social value and I also believed that economic development brings more benefits than disadvantages.  
  
On the one hand, economic growth can influence sharply in social value because many families would not have much time to spend for playing with their children on a daily basis. Some parents worn out either physically or mentally all day long and caring for their children is extremely hard. This situation leads to misguided thoughts of young people about bonding of family and consequently, they can go for a wrong way in contrast with hope of their parents. Besides, using advanced technologies can affect greatly in the environment, especially water source. Carbon dioxide, for instance, emitted from factories or industrial zones damages directly in the source of water.  
  
On the other hand, economic growth promotes production process by using special devices that productivity can be higher in the past. It is certainly true that countries with developed economy can uplift the living standard for citizens through health care services such as medicine or hospitals. Corona virus, for example, triggers a huge problem in national economy and causes many deaths, hence, cost contigencies from profit of developing economy can be used to deal with this issue by helping the patients.  
  
In conclusiion, I believed that through policies about growing economy, people can have a good facilities in heath care services outweigh a little impact that it causes.  
  
*Thank you for reading! I'm preparing for my ielts test so I appreciate your help =))*
Avoid making claims of truth in a Task 2 essay. That is because there are 2 opposing opinions constantly present in every discussion. Neither opinion is fully correct , nor totally wrong either. That is why attestations are never a part of the discussion requirements of this task. Such actions change the discussion focus of the essay which, based on discussion requirements, should only be written from a comparative A/D stance. There is a GRA issue in the essay as well. "Believed" implies that you once supported an idea but not anymore. If the writer still believes in the same opinion , then the presentation should be in the present active form of "believe".  
  
The first reason presented is good. It supported the writer's reason for the most part. It lost its relevance when the second reason was presented as this was no longer leased on an economy related reason. The with should not have included that topic in the paragraph to preserve what would have been a strong C + C score.  
  
The second paragraph is even further removed from the prescribed discussion topic. This caused a total collapse of the discussion and in the process, the failure of the essay presentation.