dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## International tourism is now more common than ever before

  
  
Since flight tickets can be attained at an affordable price, international tourism has become considerably more popular than before. Some laud its benefit in exchanging culture, meanwhile, some blame the carbon emission it brings. I intend to believe the benefits outweigh drawbacks. The reasons are twofold.  
  
International tourism creates dripple effect in economy. People tend to go on vacation in foreign places for relaxation. Not only do they spend money on accommodation, meals and general tourist spots, but they also create job opportunities to the destination. Take tours as an example, it creates job positions, such as tour guides and sales in souvenir shops. In the ultimate scope, the living standard and economy will be boosted further. Yet, tourism could bring environment damages as tourists may behave badly, for example, throw rubbish on street. Moreover, the capital generated from tourism industry is not reliable. Since COVID-19 has taken place and travel restrictions are implemented, the economy has been largely affected. It proves that an economy fully relying on tourism is not sustainable. Although with these side effects, the benefit on the economy supports many lives and the environmental damages can be minimized through education.  
  
Another equally important benefit is that cultural exchange can be facilitated. Instead of learning from textbook and television, we can expand our horizon and explore the world. For example, museum visits for learning the history from arts and antiques. Yet, the petrol and diesel use in flights do increase the carbon footprint, which is the biggest contributing factor to global warming. Although it is detrimental to the environment, I still believe that its benefit in our knowledge and the understanding of another country can enhance the relationship between people. Meanwhile, the energy use problem can be solved by science invention of using renewable energy.  
  
To conclude, international tourism is beneficial on the cultural and economic aspects but not on the environmental side. However, its positive effects still outweigh its negative effects.
The writer did not understand that the discussion is to be based on current events and facts based on the pandemic. The fact that air travel made the virus spread faster, thus causing worldwide economic lockdowns means that affordable air travel is a negative development. The fact that the writer used a benefits v. drawbacks response rather than positive V. negative shows a further misunderstanding of the topic and discussion requirements.  
  
The student lacks the proper English vocabulary know how to use certain words in the proper way:  
  
dripple - no such word in The UK, USA, Australian, and Canadian English language  
  
ripple - vert; any similar move or appearance.  
  
The writer is free to make-up information in relation to the topic, but is not free to make up English words since there is vocabulary scoring involved in this test.
## children time spent on reading

  
  
Nowadays, children usually spend a lot of their time doing things that are profitlessly and remotely linked to reading. The excessive amount of time children did not spend on reading can be attributed to 2 main reasons. First and foremost, there are various entertaining shows which attract children, and they are more likely to get a sense of relaxation by many ways such as: watching TV, playing game, and so on. Significantly, children may prefer to watch the same set of cartoons or programs that they enjoy repeatedly rather than educational programs or reading book. Because it captivates children's attention and makes them more excited, it is more entertaining than boring reading. Another important reason for children hardly read book is that children spend most of the daytime either in school or at tuitions; as a result, when they get home, they don't really want to study. In addition, parents' lack of education for their children can be responsible for their habit. They are busy working to make a living, they do not pay attention to their children, and in turn the appropriate entertaining exposure per day. Parents should find other activities which might not engage their attention but also help them develop related skill: reading book. All in all, it is clear that there are 2 main reasons why children are less read today, and reading is a skill that they need. It all depends on the parents to help pupils understand the role of education in their life.
I will assume that the essay is for an English writing exercise since there is no prompt provided. It will be reviewed on that basis.  
  
The immediate error I noticed relates to presentation formatting. The essay does not follow the presentation guidelines based on one topic per paragraph. A paragraph is composed of 3-5 sentences that clearly discuss a topic sentence. This presentation is a little explained compression of discussion points. It makes the presentation hard to read and difficult to follow. Consider using the paragraph with topic sentence next time.  
  
The winter has a beginners grasp of the English language in relation to sentence formation. Increased word building exercises and sentence structure lessons should help improve his written language abilities.
## The internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are

  
  
It is supposed that although that we can keep connected regardless of place and distance thanks to the Internet, this human's great invention also separates people from real life. I totally agree with this view.  
  
On the one hand, the Internet certainly provides us with geographically unconstrained connection and communication. There is a wide range of smart devices which enable users to update the status of their friends, family, relatives wherever they are such as smartphones, laptops, tablets, or even smartwatches. Today, with only an iPhone connected to the Internet and installed Skype, a person in Vietnam can easily make a video call with their friends in America with no fee. The development of social media like Facebook or Twitter is also a key factor that makes the connection between each other more convenient. On social media, we can add new friends to our friend lists and chat with them, follow famous figures, or share our feelings daily, etc.  
  
On the other hand, using the Internet improperly can bring negative effects on users and discourage them to participate in social activities. Because everything can be done online so users may become embarrassed or even afraid of having to communicate or share feelings with others directly. For instance, we can leave comments on our relatives' pictures on Twitter to ask about our current status rather than visiting them. Nevertheless, attractive things on the Internet such as computer games or movies make people addicted to the Internet and spend most of their time online so that there is no time left for other activities in their real life. For example, a young girl can spend almost all day watching short videos on TikTok, so she does not have any time to talk with their parents.  
  
In conclusion, the Internet brings about both merits and demerits. In my perspective, the key answer is that how to use this great invention of humans in the right way to balance our time online and offline.
This is a one- sided opinion essay. The writeris opinion statement is singular in nature. There is no instruction to compare and contrast. Rather, the writer is being asked to present 2 reasoning paragraphs, based on 2 supporting reasons to show the strength of his opinion. The writer has responded using a partially correct format.  
  
Based on the reasoning paragraphs, only one supports the reasoning opinion of the writer. Therefore only the following paragraphs will recieve full scoring possibilities:  
  
- Restatement + Opinion  
- Reasoning paragraph # 2  
  
The concluding summary proved to be a new topic statement rather than a discussion wrap-up so it will not recieve points. The essay will fail since there is no information summary presented as a conclusion.
Please help me, thanks.  
  
## *Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves.*

  
**Some people think it is good, while others think there are disadvantages to this. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.**  
  
It is true that sponsorship in sport is a way to advertise for some companies. While some people argue that it is good, I believe that it has some detrimental impacts.  
  
On the one hand, there are several reasons why sponsoring sports events is beneficial. Firstly, sports teams or players are received free equipment from the companies. It is true that some people who play sports often face financial burdens when they follow their passion, so the money from business sponsors can help players focus on practicing instead of being distracted by financial worries. Secondly, sports sponsorship provides increased media exposure and turnover for a company. Marketing campaigns in a sporting event can attract numerous potential customers for brands sponsors because sports fans tend to be interested in using their products. For instance, Coca-Cola, a famous business always donates for the FIFA World Cup tournament, is successful to make profits from stadium advertising and mass media.  
  
On the other hand, I believe that advertising from sponsor sports is more severe because of the following reason. The main disadvantage is the risk of investing in athletes or sports teams. It is difficult to anticipate the results in sport because anything can happen. If the player is unsuccessful, it might affect products sales of the sponsoring business. The other drawback is some companies advertise products harmful to health such as tobacco or alcohol drinks. When young people are exposed to these advertisements and using those products, their health might be harmful. It goes against the main purpose of sport which is to improve human fitness.  
  
In conclusion, I firmly believe that donating for sport to advertising has some adverse effects although it has some positive impacts.
The prompt restatement is incomplete as it does not offer a glimpse into the 2 public points of view prior to the personal opinion. The presentation also alters the original topic by asserting a particular truth when the previous presentation does not make such a claim. The presentation paragraph does not lend itself to an accurate representation of the original. It is only partially scorable clue to presentation inaccuracies.  
  
The writer misunderstood the personal opinion requirement. The best approach would be the public opinion explanation followed by the writer's support or non-support explanation. It offers the writer a chance to use a comparative + personal opinion format at maximum scoring capacity. The format ?  
  
Sentence 1: Public opinion  
Sentence 2: Reason for public support  
Sentence 3: Writer's point of view  
Sentence 4: Explanation  
Sentence 5: Example /transition sentence (optional)  
  
The writer needs to use a uniform discussion presentation as acceptable to the writing prompt. The above format is the most accurate way to meet scoring and writing requirements. The one that the writer currently uses is not fully discussion format accurate, making the discussion appear incomplete in terms of paragraph requirements.
IELTS WRITING TASK 2  
  
Topic:  
## Many sports players advertise sports-related products.

  
***What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your  
own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words***  
  
Over recent decades, there has been a significant number of world-renowned individuals in the field of sports endorsing common items such as shoes, shirts, or goggles for leading brands. Some commentators are of the opinion that this practice is considerably beneficial whilst others concern it might have a negative impact. The following paragraphs will highlight the upsides and downsides of this matter.  
  
This type of advertising might have tremendous benefits in a couple of ways. Firstly, from the perspective of business owners, using sport-stars to introduce their latest products is one of the marvelous strategies to attract potential customers who are willing to spend money on luxuries which their idols have been using. Without a doubt, this method might lead to an increasing number of prosperous companies which donate more to sports events, charities, or those living in poor conditions. Obviously, In addition, medical professionals believe that these well-known players are doing inspiring jobs for their fans because they can afford to examine whether products are harmful or not in advance. Indisputably, this helps the general public to avoid buying unqualified items that they used to experience.  
  
Nevertheless, major negative effects of this development relating to moral factors, as well as financial concerns should not be ignored. Those working in the psychological field heed warnings that unsuccessful companies are trying to copy authentic products from the design to the brand  
  
by less qualified materials to sell to their customers at cheaper prices. Those having morally wrong might feel pleased about their profitability but this extremely damages society. Furthermore, this causes detrimental consequences to the beliefs of innocent users who using those products when they realize their origin. They are reluctant to empathy any products with reasonable prices even though they are probably authentic. Finally, it is worth noticing that parents blame that their children have always been spending a huge amount of money on advertised products by celebrities just because they want to be similar to their idols' styles or even to show off with their peers in schools.  
  
In conclusion, as stated in previous paragraphs, the reasons for this practice might be understandable, however, the government should take serious action on reducing banning any business producing fake products, and also support those celebrities who are advertising excellent products and making our lives better.  
  
Please give a band on my essay. Thank you for your time.
The wasoning paragraphs are over-presented butunder-developed The over presentation stems from the multiple topic presentations per paragraph. One would think that presenting 2 reasons per paragraph would create a long and well discussed, fantastic scoring essay. This is an incorrect belief because the writer begins to focus on word count rather than quality scoring considerations.  
  
When the writer was speaking of product endorsements, he managed to explain himself quite well. Then, he suddenly brought up the topic of athlete's endorsing medical products as if they are doctors. The new discussion focus did not use an effective and relevant transition. Then the next paragraph went on to discuss unrelated disadvantages. The examiner looks for a connection between paragraphs when this format is used. To make things worse for the final scoll, the writer altered the discussion instructions by offering a personal opinion and solutions where is was not required. Leaving the essay without a proper conclusion.  
  
For a more effective A / D presentation, use the following format:  
  
Sentence 1: Topic sentence  
Sentence 2: Advantage  
Sentence 3: Transition  
Sentence 4: Disadvantage  
Sentence 5: Transition to next paragraph  
  
Always remember, Every advantage may be seen as a disadvantage. That is the comparison basis / format for this essay discussion.
**My topic:  
*As a result of electronic inventions such as the computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health.***  
  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
It is often suggested that nowadays, people spend much time using electronic devices such as computer and television than doing physical activity, which has a negative impact on their health. In my opinion, I partly agree that taking less exercise leads to people's health problems but this happens not just because of modern electronic inventions.  
  
On the one hand, there are some reasons to think that people use less time to do physical activity than use electronic devices such as computer and television, which can damage their health. Thanks to the advance of technology, everything is done faster. People, especially the youngsters have to keep pace with the change of this development. Therefore, almost they us electronic devices like computer to do their work. Sitting for hours in front of the computer day by day brings about some eye diseases such as short-sightedness, long-sightedness, eyestrain, astigmatism. The second reason is that today, people are often overloaded with their work, they do not have enough spare time so it is hard for them to arrange time to take exercise. Moreover, after a long day of working, they just want to lie on the bed and watch television instead of doing physical activity because of being exhausted. Little by little, they become lazier. This is having bad effect on their health - their assistance is weaker. They can have heart disease, brittle bone disease, can not maintain body weight, etc. Hence, if people do less physical activity, it will lead to many problems for their health.  
  
On the other hand, I think that using computer and television can cause some benefits for their health. For instance, in the past, it took people the number of days to complete the tasks by writing by hands, but now, by using computer, the tasks are done more quickly, efficient and exactly. Consequently, people can spend their leisure time taking exercise if they want. Additionally, watching TV helps people to expand their knowledge and raise the awareness of well-being. For this reason, people will try to do physical activity to avoid health problems.  
  
In conclusion, although modern electronic inventions such as television and computer can help people in few situations in their life, I convince that this should have negative impacts on their health if they do less physical activity than using electronic devices. They should try to keep balance between health and work to ensure that they have a healthy physical and mental body.
About 50% of the restatement retains the use of the original keywords.This will be a scoring problem because the writer will be seen as not having an extensive English vocabulary. The failure to use synonyms will affect 2 major scoring sections in relation to task response and vocabulary. The writer can only write in memorized phrases at that point. The other scoring element, the opinion, was well responded to by the writer though. It was a good save, but will not prevent scoring deductions for this section.  
  
The paragraph that supports the provided discussion does not need a justification anymore. It is a given and accepted fact. It is the partial opposition that needed 2 supporting paragraphs. That said, the relevant paragraph is not well presented. It is weak on health related explanations. Reasons provided lacked a believable health connection, which was the whole point of the debate.
Hi, I have a few ideas for you, hope you can refer to them .....  
  
+spelling suggestions  
error : short-sightedness -- suggestion : shortsightedness  
Long-sightedness --suggestion: longsightedness  
  
+ One sign of an excellent writer is the use of transitional phrases (e.g. therefore, consequently, furthermore).  
  
The following transitional phrases were found in your document:  
and, in the past, especially, instead, for instance, therefore, for this reason, although, in conclusion, moreover, on the other hand, consequently  
-Consider using additional transitions where appropriate:  
· nevertheless  
· notwithstanding  
· accordingly  
· conversely  
· ordinarily  
-These words and phrases fall under a few grammatical categories:  
· Conjunctions: but, provided, and, although  
· Prepositional phrases: in addition to, in conclusion  
· Adverbs: also, however, nevertheless
## Historical objects should be brought back to their country of origin

  
  
Many historical objects were lost after wars by invaders then now are preserved in other countries instead of the mother lands. Although many people may not put much emphasis on whether these objects are displayed, I support the idea that they should belong to their parent country.  
  
Firstly, I believe that historical artifacts are important to their nations, hence they would be more appreciated by citizens in their country of origin. Historical relics represent spiritual values as well as traditions throughout the historical upheavals. For instance, rickshaw, which was taken away by invaders and has recently been brought back to Vietnam, plays a specific role in re-appearing and reflecting feudal society in the Nguyen Dynasty. Therefore, citizens can easily access the history of their country through the stories behind these relics, as a result broaden their knowledge of history. Furthermore, relics have the emotional attachment of citizens in the country where they belong as they can raise the sense of patriotism from each bottom of hearts. Hence, citizens as well as local authorities seem to be more responsible for objects rather than other countries.  
  
Secondly, these objects can help promote the relations among countries. To illustrate, in the past, most of the artifacts in feudalism of Western countries were stolen and commercial traded by invaders. Therefore, it is grateful that the governments of countries that currently keep these antiques have well-preserved them. Moreover, a country can receive great respect and esteem when they return antiques to the country that owned them. In another word, bringing historical objects back to their nation can strengthen the relationships among nations.  
  
In conclusion, I agree that historical objects should be returned to their nations because they help foster the sense of patriotism in people as well as increase the promotion of relations with other countries.
When creating a prompt restatement, the writer must refrain from making up information due to the reinterpretation accuracy requirements. That means the reference to war and invaders should not be included. Yes, information can be imagined and included in the presentation. It just cannot be done in the first paragraph were language interpretation, word usage, and information accuracy are scored. save the imaginative topic explanation for the reasoning paragraphs. As for the opinion of the writer, it lacks a depth of response as indicated (strongly, fully, partially or any emotional reference) so it is only a partially scorable opinion presentation.  
  
Both reasoning paragraphs are well thought out, strongly explained, properly supported by examples, and well developed. There is a continuing cohesiveness and coherence to the overall presentation. There was a slight bump in the road though. The writer has a sentence formation problem in:  
  
Therefore, it is grateful that the governments of countries that currently keep these antiques have well-preserved them.  
For better clarity, it could have been presented as:  
  
*Therefore, the countries that own the artifacts will be grateful to the holding countries for having preserved the relics.*