dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?**  
  
Opponent perspectives are argued by experts because some of them think that learning foreign language will be better if it is started in primary school rather than secondary school. I firmly believe that the merit of this notion outweigh the drawbacks  
  
Children at primary school have many subjects which they have to learn besides the foreign language such as mathematics, science, and others. It will distract the concentration of children when they study at school. In contrast, children at secondary school will be more focus in absorbing the information because secondary schools provide the main subject which is language subject. Although the primary schools have demerit on studying foreign language rather than secondary schools, the merit of primary school outweigh the drawbacks  
  
As far as i know, children start the primary school in six years old. It is the appropriate ages to accept new information seriously. In the primary school, teachers have been made the curriculum have been created the curriculum which suitable to their ages. Joanna Roberts as a headmaster in Colombia Elementary School said that curriculum has been designed to fit the students' requirement in line with their ages. As a result, primary school provide the convenient subject for children. Moreover, children can be optimum to gain new vocabulary when they learn with many friends in class. They can easily practice their study in foreign language with friends at primary school.  
  
In conclusion, the advantages of learning foreign language for the first time in primary school will be better for children rather than begin in secondary schools because of the curriculum which is designed by schools to suit their ages
Dear Ifra  
Please consider this.  
SUBJECT + VERB + WHICH + VERB (THIS IS THE CORRECT FORM IF YOU WANT TO USE 'WHICH', IT HAS TO BE FOLLOWED BY VERB DIRECTLY. YET, IF YOU WANT TO PUT SUBJECT BEFORE THE VERB, SO YOU NEED TO CHANGE THE 'WHICH' TO BE 'IN WHICH)  
  
SUBJECT + VERB + IN WHICH + SUBJECT + VERB.  
  
... have many subjects **IN** which they have to ...  
... will be more focus ~~in~~**ON** absorbing  
In the primary school, teachers have been made the curriculum have been created the curriculum ...  
**WHAT DO YOU MEAN?**
**The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or football. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead**  
  
The news of celebrities always being reported in media and the opposite talks that common people show is rare in media. The phenomenon must more attention to commoners people news than the celebrities news. My point of view said that the unknown people news more essential to educate many people in other places. Moreover, the celebrity news is important else for inspiring abut new mode style, particularly in modern lifestyle.  
  
Firstly, the entertainer news is important to entertain many people by comedian, cinema, their daily activity in modern style which it is very useful to develop our style and also to update our old fashion especially. Many celebrities have the modern style in their interior design of their house, beautiful jewelry which they have, kinds of other cosmetics that can be inspiring to use for people who duplicate their modern beauty. Also, the celebrities can entertain by their daily activity which is the humorous moment.  
  
However, there is news which is more essential for our life which is unknown people report because, from this news, we can learn more about reality life in society and also inspire our self to do much useful something in daily activity. The ordinary people have many unique activities, such as in agriculture, culture, and education field. For the example, the farmer of commoners who lived in the rural village can create hydroponic technology to increase high result in many seasons without the use of large land media. The inspiring technology can educate many people in order to always innovation in technology towards self-production program in this developing country. secondly, many inspirations activity of common people which can become role models to introduce the traditional culture in the international area and can be known by other countries in the world. Thirdly, many innovation programs in education field which to inspire and more educating the young generation to increase the studying skills.  
  
In the conclusion, the celebrity news is important to other people as to entertain the citizen, but the news of common people is more demanded to society life in order to towards development life. On the other hand, I suggest that the industrial must be able to decide balance between reporting the celebrity and unknown people to increase the knowledge of inhabitants.
Dear Yurike,  
  
**This is my advice for you, I hope it can help you and feel free to correction me too**  
  
If you want to get band 7 or more your essays need this:  
  
Using more complex sentence structure, using more complex vocabulary, using more complex grammatical use and variation, don't forget you must write at least 250 words. to rise your ability I suggest you to read more essay topics, sample essays.  
  
when you writing you must focus on your topic, don't go out off topic, you probably don't have score of task achivements.
The news of celebrities always being the most reported in media and the opposite ~~talks~~ said that common people show ~~is~~ rare in media. ( double verb show and is)  
  
The phenomenon must more attention to commoners ...  
this sentence is quite confusing, it can be phenomenon as subject? I think that the appropriate subject is mass media.  
  
My point of view said that the unknown people news ...  
Directly write In my point of view unknown people news .......  
  
Moreover, the celebrity news is important else for inspiring ...  
if you want to contrast the state use However, therefore, in contrast etc.  
  
[quote=yurikeyuri]Firstly, the entertainer news is important to entertain many .../quote]  
again, in this sentence still make reader confused ( entertainer is person i think that the appropriate noun is entertainment, which is do not which it is.  
  
Many celebrities have ~~the~~ modern style (...), beautiful jewelrymiss spelling jewellery which they have,
**Unconscious brain training beats phobias without the stress**  
  
Exposure therapy is usually utilized to treated phobias, yet the result is not satisfied because some dislike and feel stressful when they try this therapy. Moreover, Hakwan Lau of the University of California tries to use software which can detect what person is thinking without realizing. Lau believe that the result which was presented at the Society for Neuroscience conference in San Diego can easier reduce fear reaction from patients.  
  
*By Clare Wilson*
Ilham,  
Where's the link? As you might know, we would not able to check whether your article summary has already represented the most important information or not without reading the real article. However, let's just take a closer look on my feedback below.  
  
- ... usually utilized to ~~treated~~treat phobias (to+infinitive) , yet the result is not ~~satisfied~~satisfying because some patients/people dislike and feel ...  
- Moreover, Hakwan Lau ~~of~~from the University of California tries to (...) thinking without **realizing**(did you mean "analyzing"?) .  
- ... the result which **was presented**(this sentence needs a time signal that indicates the most appropriate tense that you can probably use) at the Society for ~~Neuroscience~~Neurosciences conference in San Diego can ~~easier~~ reduce fear reaction from patients easier .  
  
As you can see, you have written 3 long-but-inaccurate sentences in which can bring detrimental effect towards your final grading. Avoid making long sentences if you are unsure about its accuracy. Hope this helps :)
**Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child's development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion.**  
  
At present, many parents choose to teach their children at home since they think it will provide best for children's growing time. Meanwhile, others argue, it is a necessary for children to go to formal education place. I believe that all of teaching methods are useful for pupils, all of them have merits and drawbacks, and it depends on parents' ability to tackle the problems that may happen. This essay will first discuss how children safety make them better to study at home, and then talk how importance school environment for their social life.  
  
Violence becomes the biggest problem then why they choose to make their children stay at home, even for school needs. A recent study about children's development revealed almost eight in ten violence in children was happened in their environment, such as house surrounding and schools. It proves that the safest place for children is their home. For preventing something bad happens, parents argue children should stay at home where all family members can watch them.  
  
However, children need their environment for growing up perfectly. Schools provide good circumstances for them. Rose Mini, a children psychologist, stated that all the children need for improving both social and academics is go to school since in the school, children can get friends for their social life and teacher for their academic. All of them make children be better in communication. I strongly believe that for building their personal characteristic, school is needed. But what parents have to aware is ensuring that their children are placed in a good school. Even it will be better, if they can accompany their children with age under 6, and for the rest just teach the how to protect their selves.  
  
All in all, teaching children at home become the best choose for children's safety. However, children also need school circumstances for developing their social life. What parents should do is preparing their children to avoid the bad effects.
Nuraini, with regards to your prompt, I can say that it is quite unfortunate that you mention unnecessary details that might hamper the final grading of your essay. When you mention "...all of them have merits and drawbacks...", it is not entirely wrong, but the prompt stated that "discuss (only) the advantages of both...". It was implicitly told you to "only" discuss about the advantages. It might look simple, but I am sure it might bring detrimental effect towards your band score. Thus, it is suggested to NOT doing the same mistake on the next practice.  
  
Then, it is strongly suggested to avoid using "but" in the beginning of the sentence. "But" is one of the coordinate connectors and NOT a cohesive device. It would make the essay looks less formal. Perhaps you can just alter "But" to "However/Nevertheless". In addition, when it comes to grammatical range and accuracy, I can still notice some errors that are actually can be avoided. For instance, when you write "others argue, it is a necessary for children...", I think that you shouldn't separate them by comma. You can just simply mention "others argue that it is necessary for...". Also, you are suggested to try to proofread your essay before submitting it. This sentence "Even it will be better, if they can accompany their children..." also contains errors. Comma is crucial, it might shift the meaning. You can take a look at this sentence and see the difference "Even, it will be better if they can accompany their children..." .  
  
Hope this helps :)
At present, many parents choose to teach their children at ...  
this sentence contain more than one verb choose, teach, provide. I give you an example >> nowadays, many parents more like teaching their children at home........  
  
Meanwhile, others argue, that it is a necessary for children ~~to~~ going to formal education ~~place~~ .  
  
I believe that all of teaching methods are ...  
vague again you can use an appropriate conjucntion for example I believe that all of teaching methods are useful for pupils and all of them have merits and drawbacks;however it depend on parents' problem solving skill.  
  
I think that you should check in the next paragraph to enhance your skill.
**"Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives.  
What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?**  
  
In the present, kids are focused at more pressures from schools or academic activities, social and other suggestions which had became commercial. There are several factors which causes this problems, for instances education system and the biggest promise from parents or environmental. This problems must be reduce with give freedom for student or children to do activities based on their passion or activities.  
  
Developing of science and technology causes more pressure for children. They have been faced in a reality based on the rules or regulation so, it makes them do not have freedom to choose their skills. Education system in some schools has encouraged pupils to know some subjects at the same time and they should understand about that. And the end, they will press their brain and make them stress.  
  
In addition, the biggest hope from parents and social life are the main reason which make students get the highest pressure. Based on the newscientist article, 40% children in Nigeria have faced more pressure from academic, 25% from social life and commercial perspective as much as 35%. Reducing this situation must be done to increase happiness level by kids. Activities which can do parents or teacher to make children have the own passion and free to do anything since it is good for improve their ability. Because more pressure make them stress.  
  
All in all, some parts of life which encourage children to stay in competition and parents who force their children to success causes the biggest pressure. To reducing this situation parents and teacher must give freedom to express their self and ability.(266w).
In the present, kids are focused at ...  
I think there is something problem with this state you should make clear ( kids are focused at more or kids have more pressure) because the meaning entirely different and in your sentence use passive voice so it will leads vague.  
  
There are several factors which are causes this problems (adjective clause after which need verb) , for instances (need comma) education system and ...  
  
This problems must be reduce with give freedom ...  
this sentence contain double verb - this problems must be reduce ~~with give~~by giving freedom (...) their passion or ~~activities~~ hobbies.  
  
you can create compound complex sentence in this state by use subordinating conjunction "BECAUSE"  
>>>> ..............causes more pressure for children. They have been faced in a reality based.............................  
  
... understand about that. ~~And~~ In the end, they ...
**Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?**  
  
Learning language is essential for everyone since language is a basic need of our life to communicate properly each other. Some researchers say that mastering a language should be started at secondary school while others believe that it will be better to start at primary school. I believe that studying when they are young is much better and outweigh the disadvantage.  
  
Grammar is a key part of the language and should be learnt by everyone who wants to be a master in a language. There are a lot of grammar materials needed a high understanding about it. Moreover, the group of researchers led by Mr. Nagisa Shiota from Tokyo University found that because of immature brains, the children attending primary school cannot throughout learn the subject. Furthermore, they stated that teenagers having aged 12 or older can readily understand the subject. This proves that learning grammar is not suitable for students at primary school and become the drawback for the primary-school students.  
  
However, when they become older, they will lose the ability to absorb new vocabularies which are the essential part of languages. Young children have the ability to remember one paper vocabulary with only spending an hour, compared to older people needing at least 5 hours. This phenomenon was explained by Prof. Leonardo, the expert of the human brain from Imperial College London, that children have "sponge brain" and it will become faded as the higher number of age. This is the benefit of people starting to learn new languages in the primary school. In other words, starting to earn vocabulary at primary school and study grammar in the secondary school is the perfect way to fully understand a new language.  
  
All in all, I briefly believe that the advantage of starting language in the early time outweigh the disadvantage because even though to understand the grammar is suitable when the brain is mature, expanding the vocabularies should be started at primary school.  
  
(324 Words)
Hallo ivan.. here my suggestion toward your essay.. first i will concern on your introduction.  
  
*Learning language is essential for everyone ...*  
  
**1. You have made a good complex sentence.  
2. You have paraphrase the question well  
3. However you have a little bit mistake in your thesis statement. You did not explain the point why the benefits outweigh its drawback. If you want to get higher score you must explain it briefly in your introductory thus it will attract the reader to read more your essay. Please avoid this mistake in your next writing.  
  
Good Luck**
***Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?***  
  
It is believed that to start the ability of children in comprehension of a foreign language better during at the primary school rather than at secondary school. This essay will discuss the advantages of the case where the children would be better take the foreign language subject since in the early education stage, and then will discuss why the advantages outweigh the drawbacks.  
  
Today, additional subject in the academic curriculum such as a foreign language competency had been urgent for children as the student in their schools. So, it should be preparation since in the early of academic stages. The several reasons as the background of this decision included the self-ready condition of the child and the optimum of brain capability in earlier aged. For instance, according to the research of Children Developmental Psychology in 2013 had revealed that the range aged from 3 to 11 years old is the best moment for increasing the language comprehension skill of the child because in this stage, the child brain still easier to code anything of language pattern into long term memory which is located in right side of the brain. This study resulted that more than 22 % of the children who studying a foreign language in primary school have been more potential became the expert of the language in 18 years old rather than another child who don't study since in the basic schools.  
  
However. Several facts may be there in the real life where occasionally the child are not ready enough for learning a strange language in their early age. Several children may be difficult for following the language which not their mother language. Moreover, several schools sometimes not too strict with their curriculum of foreign language competency. Thus, some students become aware of their purpose to study a foreign language when they had already sat on the higher degree. In fact, this condition had been more difficult for them to be more adaptable and memorable the new vocabulary of the foreign tongue.  
  
All in all, it should be better if the curriculum of a foreign language had been available since in the primary school for improving the child comprehension since earlier. (360 words)
**Hi Miss Sarlinda.**  
*Woow... Your words up to more than 300 words. It is important to focus on the quality rather than the quantity. Actually, there were some sentences to diminish the number of your words. Keep in your mind you are gonna fight the time. Manage your time as soon as possible. Besides that, it can make readers bored to review this.*  
  
then will discuss why the advantages ...  
*I think you are supposed to remove this because of not giving the significant effect.*  
  
Today, additional subject in the academic curriculum ...  
*There were many hackneyed sentences. You should directly explain why the foreign language is supposed to be taught first time in the primary school. Control your prompts to achieve task response and not to exaggerate.*  
  
This study resulted that more than  
You need to add the linking word to make your move smoother. Please, you involve the word "besides that"  
Besides that, this study......  
  
According to your second body paragraph. Your flow was not enough good. I have to pause to get what you mind in your essay. Its reason is because you did not harness the linking words as well as possible to guide the readers.  
  
a strange language in their early age. Several children may be  
*The sentences above I have not found its relation. You should add a conjunction to make it relates each other. To make sure, It is better you reread your sentences before you upload to check your flow closely.*  
  
*Please, you add sentences in the conclusion paragraph. The good paragraph consists of at least 3 sentences. You can include suggestions for some elements to complete your conclusion.  
  
Keep Writing  
GOOD LUCK*
Hi, there are several advice for you.  
1.... education stage, and then will discuss **why the advantages outweigh the drawbacks.** ---> where is your strong statement for overview? i suggest you in introductory sentence, you should be insert your personal view to make more clear statement(ex: in my point of view, the merits outweigh the negative impacts) .  
  
2.competency ~~had been~~become or more urgent for children as ...  
3.it should be ~~preparation~~prepare since in the ~~early of~~ initial academic ~~stages.~~phase  
4.~~This study resulted~~As a result , more than 22 % (...) children who ~~don't~~ do not (academic purpose) study since in ...
Hallo indah.. here my notes for you..  
  
***This essay will discuss the advantages (...) outweigh the drawbacks.*** >>> **If you want to get higher score, better you explain what the advantage and its disadvantage briefly in your introduction. From this way, you will attract the reader to read more your essay.**  
  
**Today, additional subject in [...] the early of academic stages.** (You need to the point in the first line in focusing what will you explain)  
  
**I realize that you put your advantages as your point of you in the first paragraph then your disadvantages in the second. However, as far as i know, you must put your point of you in the second body if you agree that the benefits outweigh it drawbacks.**  
  
good luck