dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
@carryceasy  
Hi there. Thanks for coming to the forum for feedback! Best of luck in your endeavors.  
  
Firstly, be cautious of small mistakes that are found throughout your writing. For instance, punctuation marks should consistently be carefully observed because they give way for a more fruitful writing pattern. This also enhances how formal your writing will be seen throughout. If you are able to maintain this decent level of formality, it would be better for your text overall.  
  
When discussing the latter parts of your body, I think that you need to create a more enhanced focal point. For example, having a single trait/value/principle that you will utilize throughout the writing will help you appear a lot more integrated and streamlined, which is a critical part of writing regardless of how you look at it.
Hi all, thank you very much for your time in advance. would like to check if the tone is right, enough variety of vocab and what would you score (if possible).  
  
## (IELTS GT WRITING TASK 1) Letter to Manager

  
  
**You are studying for a qualification, and you would like some time off work to complete it. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter:**  
  
*- Ask for some time off to complete a qualification.  
- Suggest what you will do later at work if you have time off.  
- Say how the qualification helps your job or company.*  
  
Dear Manager,  
  
I am writing to apply a training leave for 5 days from next Monday to Friday in order to complete the diploma I am pursuing.  
  
As mentioned in the last appraisal meeting, I am pursuing the professional diploma in archival studies which lasts for 6 months. I have finished most of the course modules in weekday evenings while there will be a three-day intensive seminar and essay presentations in the aforesaid period to wrap up the course.  
  
The course is extremely important to my professional and personal development as this could enhance my professional knowledge in archival practices and expand my international network. Not only having learnt the international standards of archival procedures, the professionals I meet in this diploma also shed the lights on how could start off and develop the small-scaled archive in our company. I believe I could contribute to our company with more capacity in the knowledge of archive setting with this diploma completed.  
  
I have copied my subordinate, XX, with most of the currently-handling projects, so that XX could help follow up during my leave. In addition, I could be reached by email during my training leave to offer remote support to XX. I will also return to office half an hour earlier after the week of training week in order to ensure the catch-up of work.  
  
I sincerely hope that you could grant me the training leave and will assist as much as I can to have a smooth handover. Thank you very much for your consideration.  
  
Best regards,  
YYY (total 258 words)
@plforielts  
Hi there. Welcome to the forum! I hope that my feedback gives you an idea on how to improve your writing. If you have more questions, don't hesitate to approach and ask again!  
  
Firstly, I think that you can improve the introduction if you had inserted a brief greeting before you mention what the intention of writing is. Doing this will certainly positively affect your essay because you will follow more of the formal conventions of writing these types of letters.  
  
Try to also ensure that you have more clarity in your writing. For example, if we take a look at the second paragraph's second sentence, you could have divided this into two separate portions to ensure that you are delivering with more ease.  
  
Remember that having a more straightforward approach to writing will always be preferred, especially when you're working with shorter word counts.
## taking part in house work

  
  
Undoubtedly , sharing housework has a myriad of benefits to each members and the family relationship itself . First and foremost , sharing houseworks means reduce the burden on an individual's shoulder . As we all know , the world is is going on the non-stop acceleration of industrialization followed by a hectic lifestyle which more or less compromises our personal relationship. In order to bring home the bacon , our parents have to work all day long and even sometimes be on extra shift . And we , the students , spend most of our time at school . Coming back home , there is a heap of homework and school projects . At the end of the day , every one has automatically worn out . Thus , there's housework needed being done . If an individual , for instance a wife , has to do all the work , she will find herself miserable and physically as well as mentally intolerable . As a result , there's a high chance of a family tragedy aka divorce . That goes to show a tremendous benefit of sharing housework . It not only reduces the burden but also creates a positive atmosphere in the family .Being the smallest child in the family , I also notice some other benefits worth mentioning . Doing housework is just like a nice exercise to improve your well-being . It also has a major impact on children . When doing housework , it's all about team work , time management and self-discipline . In my personal point of view , taking part in house work somehow shows my gratitude for my parents' effort of raising me . Furthermore , it's just like a statement that I've grown up to desire to contribute to the family
@dxtnnam  
Hello there! Thanks for being back in the forum. I hope my feedback gives you an idea on how to improve your writing.  
  
First and foremost, be cautious of the small mistakes that you sporadically and typically make in the writing. For example, small details such as capitalization, spacing, and appropriate usage of punctuation marks are all key parts of the writing itself. This means that you should be able to integrate writing techniques that are solidly patterned, making it appear more that you are well-aware of the consequences that come with writing.  
  
In the latter parts of the writing, I think that you should have opted to have a more compartmentalized and prioritized formatting and structure. You jumped immediately from the core parts of the paragraph to your own personal experiences without necessarily giving out a smoother way of transition. This makes your writing weaker in terms of organization because the readers cannot fully tell what they should anticipate from the writing.
Hi guys! I'm practicing writing essays for IELTS exam. Please give me some feedback on my essay about the topic below if you have time. I'd highly appreciate your comments, thanks a million!  
  
## cars driven by computers

  
  
Here is the topic:  
*Scientists predict in the near future, cars will be driven by computers, not people. Do you think it is a positive or negative development? Why?*  
  
And below is my essay:  
  
It is true that technologies have been contributing significant impacts on various dimensions of humans' lives. It is projected by scientists that computers will soon replace car drivers by autonomous driving in the future. Personally, I totally agree that this trend will be a progressive breakthrough that is worth expectation.  
  
Firstly, there are two main functions that automatic driving can benefit individuals. The first advantage is that computer-driven cars are better at navigation. When these vehicles are programmed by computers, they will automatically activate the up-to-date maps which are believed to suggest passengers with the shortest and most accurate routes. By contrast, some ambiguous addresses, which can be easily identified by computers, present as a chronic problem for many drivers. Furthermore, autonomy is expected to assist human in saving manual driving efforts. With non-driver technology programmed on cars, the drivers will no longer have to suffer from back pains or spinal disorders due to constant sitting on cars.  
  
Secondly, it seems to me that computer-driven cars are likely to reduce the risks of road accidents. It is the fact that driving habits of human are the main culprit of car crashes on roads. For example, there have been many annual reports of drivers falling asleep while driving which certainly poses dangers to not only the drivers but also other commuters. Autonomous driving, therefore, is supposed to eradicate those threats caused by sleeping disorders. In addition, it is expected that automatic cars will be equipped with particular sensors that allow them to detect dangers and prevent crashes. This feature will certainly be effective to reduce the surging number of fatal accidents every year.  
  
In conclusion, with the reasons mentioned above, I am convinced that computer-driven cars will generate many favorable outcomes for both individuals and society.
@hoanglinh65990  
Hi there. Welcome to the forum! I hope my feedback gives you insight on how to improve your writing. Please don't hesitate to approach me for additional questions if you have them. Good luck as well with your IELTS exam!  
  
Firstly, the first paragraph is put-together. I appreciate how straightforward it was - and how you were able to incorporate your personal opinion into the text itself, making it easier to comprehend the rest of the writing.  
  
When tackling the body paragraph, I think that you could have opted for a more streamlined and shortened version of the text. For example, that second paragraph's entire chunk of explanation could have had the excessive language omitted to pave way for a more in-depth conclusion in the text. Doing this sort of balancing act will help your writing not leave out any of the critical details just because of missing out on the word count. Keep this in mind when you are writing.
## group tour trip pros and cons

  
  
**The best way to travel is to travel in a group led by a tour guide. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.**  
  
Group traveling with a tour guide is usually chosen by those who prioritize security. While this is a good option in terms of safety, I think it also limits much of your experience and could not become the best way.  
  
There are many downsides when choosing a group tour trip. Firstly, your destinations are picked up by a tour guide, so there is a high probability that the places don't meet your preferences. Also, these destinations are mostly the popular tourist attractions which means the number of travelers from everywhere is in a great deal. This results in the unavoided overwhelming and affects negatively to your trip's quality. Moreover, this kind of travel only allows you a limited time for each spot; a tourist could get frustrated when their enjoyment for a certain place is quickly interrupted.  
  
On the contrary, traveling in a group with a tour guide gives you a secure feeling especially when your destination is in dangerous places, such as countries on wars, jungles, deserts, etc. Traveling to these places requires an experienced tour guide who has broad knowledge about the places. More than that, group traveling can bring you more new friends who will make your trip more memorable and interesting.  
  
To conclude, group traveling is one of many options for a traveler to pick up which has both benefits and drawbacks. Therefore, it can not be the best way for everyone's tastes.
@Krystal318  
Hi. Thanks for being a consistent part of the forum! I hope that my feedback gives you insight on how to improve your writing.  
  
Firstly, that first paragraph still lacks proper substantiation. After the first introductory sentence, you should have briefly expounded on the reason why safety is imperative. Give a briefing on what is happening in status quo with regards to the securing of safety for long-term purposes.  
  
When we tackle the latter parts of the writing, the second paragraph lacks substantiation in the same regard. Taking a look at your writing closely, the second sentence up to the fourth appears to flow with the same core thoughts. In the long-run, this means that you aren't dealing with a lot of depth in writing because you were merely rephrasing without adding context and concrete real-life examples on the overall writing. Try to be more distinctive in your writing.  
  
The conclusion draws in the same concerns. If we take a glance here, it is observable how your writing still needs to be substantiated more. Try to stray away from vague statements and stick with something more substantive.
## the role of authorities and private business in the Scientific research

  
  
It is true that studies in the scientific field play an essential role in modern society. People have had different views about who should conduct and take control of scientific research. Although I accept that the governments could have the right to do this, I am against the idea that the role of private firms in this field are less significant.  
  
The proposal that the governments of countries are the main institutions to do research may be attributed to the following reasons. The first one is the government, head organization of a nation, may be the optimal protector for the secret of scientific investigation. This is likely to help prevent the opponents from stealing the research's key information then making a copy of it. Secondly, in terms of finance, a high amount of state subsidies for science and technology can provide fertile resources for the conduction of the research project. These sources, namely money, facilities, and human, may be the fundamental factors leading to a successful scientific investigation.  
  
Notwithstanding the important part of the government, I believe that experimental research may be done completely by private enterprise as well. Apart from the former where there are strict regulations and principles, the latter is likely to let the researchers be creative as much as they can. This has helped to bring many introductions of groundbreaking initiatives in life. Furthermore, sharing the responsibility with private firms could ease the pressure on the government's budget. As a result, citizens would have to pay lower taxes and the authorities would lower the taxes for citizens and could use more cash for other fundamental areas such as healthcare and education.  
  
In conclusion, It is my belief that the importance of authorities and private business in science is equal.
@quan0904208135  
Hi there. Welcome to the forum! I hope that my feedback becomes helpful to you for your long-term endeavors. Don't hesitate to reach out if you have more questions!  
  
Generally, I don't see anything that is wrong with your manner of writing. I do think, however, that you need to work more on the overall flow of writing, especially when it comes to logical coherence. If we take a look at your first paragraph, for instance, it appears as though the transition from the thesis statement to your personal opinion doesn't mesh well in its entirety. Try to relay your thoughts into a simpler and more concise sentence rather than placing everything onto the table sporadically as you did.  
  
With regards the content of the body paragraphs, I recommend trimming down the unnecessary parts of the body. For example, you could have opted to create a shorter and more concise formatting than the second paragraph. As you were unable to do this, I find that the writing itself was rather lacking in that department. Stick with simpler and more compact sentences, especially when trying to introduce a new thought idea into the cluster of sentences.  
  
The conclusion also needs to be enhanced/worked on. Try to be more explicit and specific with what you mean by "equal" in this regard to make it clearer to the readers what the meaning of the writing is.
Prompt:  
**Air pollution is one of the largest problems the world is facing today.  
What are some causes of air pollution and what measures can be proposed to solve this problem?**  
*(Also if you happen to find any phrase or sentence unnatural, or spot any misused word, please kindly let me know. Many thanks in advance!)*  
  
It is undeniable that air pollution is one of the most pressing environmental issues that the world has to face today. This essay attempts to explore some major causes of the issue and propose some possible solutions to it.  
  
Although air pollution results from various factors, primarily responsible for it is none other than human activity. In many parts of the world, intact forests have been cleared at an astonishing rate for pasturelands and croplands, with a number of illegal logging cases for valuable hardwoods. Forests, known for its ability to massively utilize carbon dioxide and release oxygen and water vapor into the atmosphere, play an essential role in purifying the air we breathe. For this reason, their removal has done more harm than good to the air quality around the area, or even on a global scale. In addition to deforestation, another human-related leading cause of air pollution is vehicle emissions, which in fact is the predominant source of air pollution in city environments. With the rapidly expanding urbanization across the world, the motor vehicle population grows exponentially, meaning that an elevated level of pollutants is produced in the urban air on a daily basis.  
  
Fortunately, several measures can be taken to protect the global air from further contamination. An effective method to cut down on emissions in the cities is to promote the use of environmentally friendly transports. Alternatives such as public transportation and fully electric vehicles either minimize emission per vehicle or do not emit exhaust fumes, therefore will help reduce vehicle emissions significantly. Another measure pertains to how forests should be protected and managed. It will be the government's responsibility to enforce tighter regulation on deforestation as well as stricter punishment for illegal logging. In other words, forest clearance for any purpose will be restricted unless it is utterly necessary, and pushing up the penalty will discourage people from violating the laws.  
  
In conclusion, our mistreatment of our environment has greatly contributed to the cause of air pollution. However, as long as we take appropriate action with keen patience, it is possible that we can bring the air quality in our living areas back to its clean and fresh form.
@rose427  
Hi. Welcome to the forum! Good luck with your IELTS tasks; I hope this feedback helps you.  
  
While I appreciate the straightforward and shortened approach to the introductory paragraph, I find that it lacks briefing the readers on what to anticipate. Here, you should also incorporate what the core attributes of your writing will be. Put down here as well a single core value that you believe will be the cornerstone of the rest of your writing.  
  
Tackling the body paragraphs themselves, try to be more specific with what you need in the written text.  
  
The conclusion should also be given more attention than this. What you can do is to omit the usage of repetitive sentences when explaining (ie. take a look at the third sentence of your third paragraph). This will give you more space to discuss things that are actually important for the rest of your essay.
Thank you so much for your attention!  
  
## CURFEW effects on teens

  
  
IN SOME AREAS OF THE US, A "CURFEW" IS IMPOSED, IN WHICH TEENAGERS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BE OUT OF DOORS AFTER A PARTICULAR TIME AT NIGHT UNLESS THEY ARE ACCOMPANIED BY AN ADULT.  
  
WHAT IS YOUR OPINION ABOUT THIS?  
  
A curfew is imposed in some areas of the America and it means unless the young people are accompanied by an adult, they are not permitted to go outside after a particular time at night. While some people might argue that the curfew undermines the freedom of the teenagers, I personally believe that the benefits of the curfew outweigh its drawbacks.  
  
First of all, this law protects the youths from danger in high crime rate areas in the United States. Some areas in the US, especially south of America for example Los Angeles, have high population of Mexican and South African, where there is indisputable fact that frequent crimes are reported in these areas. In addition, it is undoubtedly that the youngsters are lack of security awareness to stay away from high risk areas and also they are not as strong and tough as adults to protect themselves when they face the criminals. Therefore, restriction of their freedom of going out at night is certainly necessary in some dangerous zone in the US.  
  
Equally important, though, the curfew is proven effective in lowering the juvenile delinquency in some particular area. Apart from lack of ability to protect themselves, the teenagers are also too young to think critically and independently and to identify what is right or wrong. In other words, peer pressure and gangs can easily exert adverse influence on the young. For this reason, adults accompany and proper parental guidance could assure the teenagers would not be let to the wrong direction easily.  
  
By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that the curfew has had a guarantee on the safety of teenagers because of the physical restriction to risky areas and it also has positive impact on reducing the crime rate in some areas.
@CocoMo  
Hi there. Thanks also for reaching out to us! I hope my feedback gives you insight on how to improve your writing.  
  
I don't necessarily have issues with the content of the writing. What I think that you should work on most is the usage of appropriate punctuation and capitalization throughout the writing. Noticeably, from the very first paragraph, it appears like the text itself is clustered with inappropriate transitions. The first paragraph's first sentence is just one run-on that should be cut down into different parts of text.  
  
Furthermore, when you were relaying the base information for your body paragraphs, I have noticed that you struggled a bit in transitioning from point A to point B. I heavily suggest that you review again what you should incorporate in your writing to cultivate for a more enhanced writing approach that'll help you with the rest of the text.  
  
Conclusion should also be divided into three different sentences from what I can tell. Be more concise, and use appropriate transitions throughout.