dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## The Most Dangerous Toxin?

  
  
Topic: In recent years, life has become stressful than ever before more and more people are suffering from related illnesses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
  
These days, it is irrefutable that the proliferation of technology, as well as the fast rhythm of life, has made the world more stressful compared to the past. Concomitantly, stress is often considered to be a major problem that can have detrimental effects on human health, forcing them to suffer from severe illnesses. Personally, I completely agree with this view.  
  
Firstly, the growing complexity of the modern world may be one of the causes for individuals' stress and depression. This is because in today's society, people have to face with a plethora of unexpected changes in their life, which may be an impediment to enjoining happiness of life. For example, the workforce has now become more competitive; people are unlikely to have one stable job, they may have to change their career several times in their life. As a result, those people may be perturbed about their own job pursuits, thus forcing themselves to be paralyzed by anxiety. Additionally, the omnipresent spectre of environmental degradation might be another stressful factor in people's lives. As many types of pollution have posed a grave threat to human's life such as air and water pollution, this can put enormous pressure on everyone on finding the way to deal with this problem. People, therefore, could have difficulty in living in such insalubrious places, which may easily make them feel stressed when struggling to live a healthy life.  
  
Secondly, population growth would be another reason for stress-related problems. This may lead to the fact that the roads are become more crowded, which can put people to be under pressure while utilizing personal vehicles. For instance, in peak hours, many find it annoying when they have to wait several hours to just go for a short distance. As a result, complaints about congestion in rush hours may become more acrimonious; people, therefore, can be stressed out in the long run due to facing them too much. Furthermore, this could also breed the scarcity of resources, thereby resulting in the price increase of products and then adding to the pressure. Consumers, thus, will find it stressful to buy their satisfying goods. These may be huge obstacles for individuals for living their lives without tenseness, causing related issues such as depression, anxiety and heart racing.  
  
In conclusion, it is indubitable that people's lives have become much more stressful than the past. This can be ascribed to some reasons, namely the fast-paced world and the burgeoning population growth.  
  
Hope to see feedbacks from you guys!  
Thank you very much !
@Thangnguyen315  
Hello.  
  
Thank you for being a consistent learner on the site. We are hoping that we've helped you nurture your English writing.  
  
Taking a look at your essay, I find that your grammar is substantially well-off already. Your writing is quite put-together, making your content useful when it comes to its overall flow. I would suggest only that you try to focus on correcting the overall tone of your content. I find that there were instances (take, for example, the second to the last paragraph) wherein you were quite unable to conduct your writing in an efficient and informative tone. Focus on curating more content that's accommodating to this perspective - this will help you establish a formal tone.  
  
Take a look at this proposed revision:  
  
... degradation ~~might be~~ is ... As ~~many types of~~ air and water pollution ... threat ... ~~such as air and water pollution~~, this ~~can~~ puts enormous ... ~~on finding ... this problem~~ to find a solution. ..., which ~~may easily ... struggling~~ pressures them to live ...  
  
Best of luck in your writing as always.
Hi @thanguyen315  
  
I am newcomer and in process of improving my writing. I found that your article really interesting where you put many uncommon vocabularies. I even never heard some before. But, from book that i read, to achive band 7 in IELTS examiner looking for idea that simply generated and easy to understand. I found after reading your writing, you give a lot of information for each point in paragraph 2 and 3 and make it become unclear. It is better to keep your point simple and give one clear example then at the end you could give your final statement regarding the topic.  
  
This is just my point of view, please review my writing as well.  
  
Thanks
**Topic: Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think is making them less sociable. Discuss both view and give your opinion.**  
  
## How can technology make people less social?

  
  
Modern technology eliminates boundaries in communication such as distance, time and places. Some people agree that people more sociable due to existence of modern technology but others think opposite, it makes them more individual and isolate. There are several opinions related to this topic.  
  
Technology plays significant part in our daily life, we use mobile phone since morning right after get up from bed until we sleep at night. Many activities we could do with mobile phone such as browsing, reading newspaper and update their social life via social media. People using social media to make new friend that share common interest and update their activities, interested places and beautiful scenery in return they hoping to get appreciation from mutual friends. Another thing that have impacted by modern technology is easier to communicate with people although live far away, using whatsapp or skype, so time, places and distance will not be main obstacle nowadays. These show us that modern technologies not only make people more sociable but also improve way of communication.  
  
However, there is one main drawback that may occur from using modern technology. Issue related disharmony and mistrust caused by less level of face-to-face interaction between people. People today prefer to use video call when communicate with friends because more simple and can be done anywhere. This may result to loss sense of belonging between people and increase dishonesty that obstruct life harmony.  
  
Therefore in my opinion, existence of modern technologies could eliminate obstacles in communication between people but not forget drawback that may occur from heavily rely on it. People still need to have real engagement and meeting face-to-face with one another to create harmony and building trust in relationship.  
  
Kindly give your feedbacks  
  
Regards,
## any Signs of art's Stagnation?

  
  
*Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business.  
  
Why do you think that is?  
What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in arts?*  
  
We live in a multi-cultural world and art plays a vital role in enriching culture all over the world. Sadly nowadays, the arts have lost popularity and society now concentrates in science, technology and business. This essay will analyze the reason why this might be happening and suggest some of the ways we can turn the attention back to the arts.  
  
While is true that art is essential to cultivate culture, it plays little to no role to the improvement of the quality of living as it rarely generate lucrative benefits for the individual. For instance, one does not have to obtain multiple paintings, drawings or sculpture in order to live comfortable. In contract, people do need electricity, technological innovations and scientific breakthrough to ensure a better livelihood. Additionally, business generates job opportunities, thus improving career prospects which can provide financial stability.  
  
However, despite of the aforementioned reason, art should still remain a significant aspect of our customs and there are multiple ways we can guarantee that. Firstly, the government could increase career options in this sector. For example, by incrementing its financial aid new museums and galleries could be built, thus providing job openings for the population. Secondly, the arts could be established as a compulsory subject in schools and universities. As a result, pupils and university student will view art as a tradition.  
  
In conclusion, even though art has minimal contribution to a person's way of living, as oppose to science, technology and business. However, the interest in art should not be lost and it is the responsibility of the government and academics to prevent this.
@luna21  
Hello there.  
  
I see that you're new here. Welcome to the forum.  
  
First and foremost, I find that while the initial portions of your essay had quite an innovative delivery of the message, try to stick with conventional forms and/or structures. You can still pose the questions in a way that would not necessarily be in a question format. This narrative-type of building and imposing a structure will help you in the long-run in curating useful information. Focus on this. This is most especially because the tone of your language should go in this direction.  
  
Observe the following changes that I will make in the latter portions of your text:  
  
~~However, d~~ Despite of ... should ~~still~~ remain ~~a~~ significant ~~aspect of~~ in our customs; ~~and~~ there ... ways ~~we can~~ to guarantee that. ... increase sectoral career options ~~in this sector~~. ... its financial aid, new ... galleries ~~could~~ can be built, ~~thus~~ providing job openings ~~for the population~~. ... subject in ~~schools and universities~~ educational institutions.  
  
Best of luck as always in your writing.
hi @luna21  
  
I am new here and also study writing to improve my score. So, i dont have capacity to review your grammar but i will focus on idea that you shared.  
  
Firstly, the government could ...  
  
My input related to your opinions are you have to relate point with example. In first point, you have talked about increase career option in this sector. The example, in my opinion, supposed to be government funds newcomer and potential artists to develop their skill by giving free painting courses or held exhibition that give free admission for them. Then in second point, i found that no relation between establish a compulsory subject in schools and universities with viewing arts as a tradition. You might write the arts could introduce in schools and universities to attract students learn more about and appreciate the arts.  
  
These are my inputs for your essay. Best of luck.  
  
Regards,  
  
@agung
## UK telephone calls by three categories

  
  
**Topic:The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billion) of telephone calls in the UK, divided into three categories, from 1995-2002.**  
  
The chart compares the amount of time spent by people in the UK in three categories over the seven-year period starting in 1995 and finishing in 2002.  
  
Overall, it can be seen that there was an upward trend in fixed line (national and international) and mobiles from 1995 to 2002. Besides, although the number of minutes of local call was the highest in the period shown, it experienced a downward trend in the last four years.  
  
In the year 1995, the category of fixed line (national and international) and mobiles calls had increased gradually. To be more specific, there were about 35 billion minutes of national and international calls in the first year, and the number kept rising to just over 60 billion minutes in 2002. In terms of mobiles calls, only less than 5 billion minutes in 1995, however, the number increased rapidly and reached its peak in the year 2002, at just over 45 billion minutes.  
  
With regard to local fixed line, the figure for it had increased steadily, from around 70 billion minutes in 1995 to 90 billion minutes (which was the highest point) in 1999, a rise of 20 billion minutes. After that, the figures for local fixed line fell, only approximately 72 billion minutes in the last year of the period.  
  
*
@oneouran  
Hello there.  
  
Firstly, try merging similar thought processes altogether. This will help you create a more dynamic structure that will enable you to trim down the unnecessary content of your sentences. Furthermore, if you are able to omit certain words that do not add value to your sentences, opt to do this as it will help you curate a concise structure that is not reliant on filters.  
  
I have also observed that there were instances wherein the writing you had shown had off-putting grammar. Try to minimize this through ensuring that you are able to relay the information in the text using the conventional grammatical rules. Having that straightforward writing approach will help you focus more on these types of details compared to others.  
  
Additionally, try also utilize terminologies that will help you save space. Focusing on the usage of terms that are more compact in terms of meaning and structure will help you in the long-run.  
  
Observe the following revision:  
  
In ~~the year~~ 1995, ... mobiles calls ~~had~~ increased gradually. ~~To be more s~~ Specifically, there were ... in the first year~~, and~~ ; the number kept rising to ~~just~~ over 60 ... ~~In terms of m~~ Mobiles calls~~,~~ had only less ...in 1995~~,~~ ; however, ... its peak in ~~the year~~ 2002, at ~~just~~ over ...  
  
Eliminating these unnecessary lines will help you condense the details more in your writing.  
  
Best of luck as always!
## bioengineered food consumption evaluation

  
  
**Topic: Recently, genetically-modified foods becomes a new solution to agriculture productivity. Discuss the advantage and disadvantages.**  
  
In light of technological development, genetically-modified foods which were considered as a substitute to conventional ones have gained prevalence among consumers these days. While these bioengineered foods may offer some disadvantages, I am convinced that these are outweighed by its advantages.  
  
On the one hand, foods produced through genetic modification might exert some negative impacts on both individuals and society. Primarily, people tend to suffer from various health issues when consuming bioengineered foods. This means genetic engineering techniques could trigger abnormal gene groups in food, resulting in some diseases including food allergies and genetic disorders among people. Additionally, genetically-modified foods would require not only diligent research but also testing by scientists to make it safe for human consumption. Such a time-consuming process along with exorbitant expenditure appears to put a great economic burden on society.  
  
However, my view is that there are more benefits associated with these genetically-engineered foods. The fundamental one is that the technology of genetic modification would enable plants to become resistant against diseases and adaptive to environmental changes. As a result, the crops these days are likely to yield a larger quantity of output, thereby ensuring a more sustainable food supply when compared to the past. Another positive aspect is the high nutritional level brought by just a small portion of bioengineered food consumption. For example, in Vietnam, genetically-modified rice with high levels of vitamin A would not only help vitamin deficiency but also reduce the risk of diabetes due to consuming a sufficient amount of rice on a daily basis.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that despite some negative aspects, more positive aspects could be seen in genetically-modified food consumption.
@phamhieu98  
Hi there!  
  
Welcome to the forum. I hope you find the feedback here beneficial for your writing.  
  
Firstly, try to focus your writing techniques to compressing information. This will enable you to curate more substantial content in the long-run. As you work through the writing, try to evade the usage of irrelevant and unnecessary lines that do not particularly contribute to your writing. Doing this will help you focus on what's necessary, ditching the useless portions of the text.  
  
Notice how I will revise this portion of the text:  
  
... exert ~~some~~ negative impacts on ~~both~~ individuals ... bio-engineered foods.  
... in ~~some~~ diseases ... disorders ~~among people~~.  
  
Try to minimize your usage of words (ie. "*some*") that would create quite an uncertain tone in your writing. If you are able to, focus your writing specifically on writing as though you are specific and certain. Tone is critical when you are writing.  
  
Best of luck as always.
## cycling commuters by gender and age

  
  
Question: The table below shows the percentage of the population by age groups in one town who rode bicycles in 2011.  
Answer:  
The table illustrates the number of population of one town who rode bicycles in 2011, according to five age groups.  
Overall, the ratio of female who ride bicycle gained in popularity more than that of male. However, both of women and men, who aged from 0 to 9 year old, was most interested in riding bicycles.  
  
In 2011, females aged 0 - 9 year old topped the list at (51.3), followed by the ages of 10 to 17 years old (42.2). The figures for the 18-39 and over 60 shared a similar pattern, between 17.1 and 18.5. At the bottom place was aged from 40 to 59 year old (12.3).  
  
In terms of males, the age group 0-9 held the lion's share (50.3), which is 25.7 higher than the second rank - the age 10 -17 year old boys. The proportion of the age 60 over interested in riding bicycles is 13.2. The number of cycling commuters (the age 18-39 year old) made up 9.7, which was slightly higher than that of the age 40-59 year old, a difference of 1,7%.  
  
*
@Thao Huynh  
Hello there!  
  
I can see that you're new to the forum. Welcome! I hope that you are able to garner substantial feedback from this forum to help you in grasping the language more.  
  
Firstly, compressing the language that you're using in your text will substantially help you in the long-run. If you are able to focus on details that you specifically need, you will be able to tailor-fit your content more to what's necessary.  
  
Ensure that you are abiding by conventional writing standards at all costs. If you are able to do this, you'll have have more of a formal tone that will help you in the long-run curate informative content. That being said, focus on the overall flow of your content as well. I have noticed that, while you do have observations, the way in which you transition and work through the words have to be improved should you seek to substantiate all of the details more.  
  
Let's take a look at your essay. Observe these changes I will make:  
  
The table illustrates ~~the number of~~ one town's bicycle riding population ~~of one town who rode bicycles~~ in 2011~~,~~ according ...  
... of female bicycle riders ~~who ride bicycle~~ gained ~~in~~ popularity ... of the male. ~~However, both of w~~ Women and men~~, who~~ aged ~~from~~ 0 to 9 years old~~, was~~ were most ...  
  
Try to curate more formal content.  
  
Best of luck as always in your writing.
## what annoy people in theaters?

  
  
**Question:**  
  
*The bar chart below shows the result of a poll of theater-goers on what disturbs them during performances at the theater.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.  
You should write at least 150 words.*  
  
**Answer:**  
  
The bar chart shows the result of a survey of theater-goers on what irritates them during theater performances.  
  
Overall, most of the disturbances are related to sound and view distractions. There are also other factors that cause irritation for audiences, including arriving late and armrest hogging.  
  
Among the irritants related to sound, rustling sweet papers was the highest at approximately 90%. It was also the answer most mentioned in all groups, followed by 80% of those polled quoting coughing as the cause of the irritation. Other sound disturbances like sneezing, snoring, bleeps, whispering, and mobile phones were also given by a significant number of those asked, all over 30%.  
  
The irritating factor with the lowest rating in all three categories was armrest hogging at around 25% of the sample. On the other hand, more than 70% of those polled rated arriving late as the cause of irritation in the theater. It was the highest in "other" group, also the third most cited by all correspondents.  
  
As for disturbances related to view, although having three factors contributing to the irritation, each of them was cited by just under 30% of those sampled. However, the category still made up to a significant number.  
  
*
@thaley  
Hi there!  
  
Firstly, try minimizing the usage of words that are unnecessary. I repeatedly mention this to others as it will help you curate more long-form content that's substantially pact, helping you become more effective in writing as you would have more space to work on your overall depth and substance.  
  
In addition, try to work on the overall formatting of the writing that you have. Ensure that you are consistently abiding by the writing standards and rules that are imposed by conventional writing. If you are able to do this, you'll be able to focus more on writing critically and efficiently.  
  
Try to observe these revisions:  
  
Among the irritants ~~related to~~ for sound, ... highest at ~~approximately~~ 90%. ... mentioned ~~in all groups~~, followed by 80% ~~of those polled~~ quoting ... of ~~the~~ irritation. ... phones were ~~also~~ given ~~by a ..., all~~ over 30%.  
  
Notice how much space (word count) you are able to save through this method.  
  
Best of luck in your writing.
**Nowadays animal experiments are widely used to develop new medicines and to test the safety of other products. Some people argue that these experiments should be banned because it is morally wrong to cause animals to suffer, while others are in favour of them because of their benefits to humanity.Discuss both views and give your own opinion.**  
  
## Controversy of Animal Testing

  
  
It has been argued for years whether animal experiments are beneficial to humanity or if it is unacceptable that animals will suffer pains from it. In my opinion, I firmly believe that we should limit animal testing and try to use more humane tests as alternative methods.  
  
On the one hand, it is true that animal testing made a major contribution to the drug invention. There are more similar living systems to human beings which are easier to obtain the biochemistry data and predict the toxicity of the drug. However, with the advent of well-developed technology, we can also use cell-based tests and establish a online human-liked module to access a great amount of information as well as predict the patterns. For example, IBM Watson is an AI-based platform which can help scientist to predict the efficiency of the drug by collecting a substantial number of clinical databases and calculating the possibility of the treatment via artificial intelligence, which not only can reduce the demand of animal testing but also can obtain the data efficiently.  
  
On the other hand, animals were usually subjected to force feeding, food and water deprivation and prolonged period of physical restraint which were considered as inhumane and unacceptable. we should not overlook the lives of animals because I believe that every creature has their own values and cannot be used as a tool for any purposes. In addition, animal testing is not always accurate enough and sometimes it will be unavailable to human beings due to the complex organism of human body.  
  
To conclude, it is inevitable that scientists test on animals for medical purposes, however, we can figure out an alternatives to it as the technology has become much more advance than ever, then, animals do not have to lose their lives and suffer pains anymore.