dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Some people think it is a waste of money to establish libraries since the public can use the Internet at home to obtain information, do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Some people argue that spend some expenditures to build libraries is only the useless action when today we can use the internet to gain the latest information. This essay disagrees with the statements and believes that libraries as the ones of the substantial media to find the information. This essay will first discuss why the internet is not the best solution for wide to get the information and then talk about how the libraries are more benefit for general people, followed by the reasonable conclusion.  
  
The Internet is not affordable for the general people, mainly who are lives in the villages or for them who have the limited income. However, the fulfillment of the internet necessity need some money and other support facilities such as the appropriate access for it. According to Telecommunication Statistic of Indonesia had revealed that the percentage of people who have been using the internet rise to 69% but it not covered all of the areas in Indonesia. Only the people who lived in several big cities and around it who used it as majority. Additionally, the consumer of internet also dominant for certain people who have the wealth income.  
  
However, the presenting of the libraries will be more suitable for general people which covered the countryside. As the example for showing that libraries are more achievable and affordable for general people especially for the minority people who have the low income. In 2015, several new had published that the libraries today are more flexible than before. Some volunteers in Yogyakarta have been building the new libraries by used the minibus which can be operated until to the remote areas of countryside. By this action, more than thousands of the children and adults who still illiterate and less facility in education can be more helped.  
  
To sum up, it may be true that several benefits of the internet can help people for gain widely information as much as possible, but there are some people who still cannot get it easily. So, there is no other best alternative in spread the information by reading books in libraries.  
  
(349 words).
... believes that libraries ~~as~~is the ones of ...  
... benefit for general people, AND followed by the ...  
  
... in the villages or for ~~them~~THEY who have ...  
However, the ~~fulfillment~~fulfilment of the internet necessity ...  
... internet rise to 69% [NEED COMMA] but it not covered all ...  
Additionally, the consumer S of THE internet [the internet==>there is just one in the world, so article "the" is needed] also dominant for ...  
  
suggestion:  
firstly, you should reduce the length of your writing.  
  
break a leg indahhhhhhh ((:
Hello, this is my tips for your writting. feel free to correction me too  
  
But there are several correction from me such as:  
1. if you write for writing test 2 in IELTS, Maximum word you must write approximately 250-265  
2. keep your idea to topic don't Jump from one idea to the next  
3. Combine with paraprase word  
4. is better not many Repeat words  
5. using connection word  
5. If you knows idioms, you must using it, it can improve your score
A comparison of the average of regularly day programs for Channel One News during one year period is depicted in the line graph. The ratings of channel figures are illustrated based on the number of viewers per day in millions. Overall, almost of the figures fluctuated and only the figures for the 1pm which remained fairly stable.  
  
The figure for the 6pm News began the year at 4.8 million. It fluctuated, but the general trend was downwards until ended to just over 3 million. The figure for the 9:30pm experienced a gradual rise from 3.2 million in January to a peak of 3.8 million in May. However, this month saw the introduction of the 11pm News, and the figure for the 9:30 News plummeted, hitting a low-point of 1.1 million in August.  
  
In the same period, the figure for the 11pm rocketed from 0.2 to 4.1 million. At this point, the trend reversed. From August onwards, the figure for the 9:30 grew steadily. Meanwhile, the figure for the 11pm News declined sharply, and in December fell under the 1 million.  
  
(199 words)  
  
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**The graph below gives information about international tourist arrivals in five countries.**  
  
A breakdown about the number of people from overseas visited in 5 states during 4 years periods. It is measured in millions. Overall, it can be seen that, there was upward trend in the proportion of tourist came in 5 countries. And the most popular was USA and France.  
  
Firstly, from 1995 to 2000, except USA and France saw a small number of tourists arrived Brazil, Egypt and Malaysia. Malaysia stood at 20 while, Brazil and Egypt at 9. However, there was a gradual incline approximately 5. In contrast, USA was the most popular country as much as 70 tourists, and then rose by 15. On the other hand, a dramatic increase experienced at the number of visitors in France from 30 to 60.  
  
Lastly, during 2005-2010 witnessed an extremely increase of tourists went to Malaysia and France. They were grown up approximately 20. Furthermore, the proportion of visitors in Egypt and Brazil was under 20. Whereas, in USA experienced a small decline by 5. (165w).  
  
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[INTRODUCTION , batter if you use present tense] [ i think you should mention table or graph ==> suggestion ==> ...people from overseas who visit in 5 states during 4 years periods IS PROVIDED BY GRAPH].  
  
... tourist came in 5 countries.AndAND==> parallel structure or conjunction that do not separate by dot. it mean that it can be put in front of sentence the most popular was ...  
  
overall it is good writing.. keep spirit ekyy ((:  
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Hi Miss Reski. Here are my suggestions for you.  
  
in order to make your score higher, you are encouraged to use the variety of complex structure. it should be changed to "... 5 states during 4 years periods**(,)** is measured in millions."  
  
... gradual incline approximately 5.  
==> By 5  
  
of visitors in France from 30 to 60.  
or you can say "two-fold"  
  
witnessed an extremely increase of tourist GOING to Malaysia and France.  
  
I hope it can be useful for you.  
Goodluck and Keep Spirited.
**The graph below shows the average daily figures for Channel One News over a 12-month period**  
  
A breakdown about the number of people watched of Channel One News in 4 different times per day during a year period. It is measured in millions. Overall, it can be seen that a fluctuation viewer at 1pm and 6pm per day.  
  
From January to May, there was a gradual rise of viewer at 9.30pm. It began 3 in January and experienced increase to 3,9. 6pm was the most choice to watch that channel at 4,9 in January, although during that period fluctuated in proportion of viewer. It saw decline by 2 in May. Besides, there was stable trend of figure people watched at 1pm approximately 1,2.  
  
In May-December, there was new time of news at 11pm and the proportion of viewer stood at less than 1. It witnessed upward trend until August and downward over August to December. Afterwards, until August was extremely drop in proportion of viewer at 9.30pm by 2,9 and incline until 3 at December. At 6pm there was fluctuation and decrease at 3,2 while, at 1pm saw a stable trend over a year. (178w).  
  
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Hi Miss Reski. Here are my suggestions for you.  
  
Overall, it can be seen that a fluctuation ...  
***this should be extended. You can find other data should the trend of 1pm news etc.***  
  
... and experienced AN increase to 3,9. 6pm (...) during that period IT fluctuated in THE proportion of viewer. It saw A decline by 2 in May. Besides, there was A stable trend of figure ...  
  
..., there was the new time of news ...  
It witnessed AN upward trend until (...) extremely drop in the proportion of viewer ...  
  
Suggestions:  
  
1. try to make an attention to subject-verb agreement. I found some sentences that i could find the subject.  
2. do not include your opinion. we are forbidden to write down any opinion for writing task 1.  
3. try to use the cohesive devices to make your sentence move "smoothly"  
4. Make sure you use the ARTICLE.  
  
I hope it can be useful for you.  
Goodluck and Keep Spirited.
i think that you should mention the graph ==> suggestion =>  
... the number of people who watch of Channel One News in 4 different ...  
Overall, it can be seen that a fluctuation viewer at 1pm and 6pm per day.(there is no verb here)  
  
It began 3 in January andexperienced increase (double verb==> or you can add article "a"to 3,9. 6pm was [need conjuction] the most choice to watch that channel at 4,9 in January, although during ...
**Electricity Generation by Source in New Zealand and Germany**  
  
A breakdown of the information about current yielding by source in New Zealand and Germany in 1980 and 2010 is provided by the pie charts. Overall, New Zealand generated larger electricity than Germany in 1980, but it reversed in 30 years later. Moreover, in 2010, Germany produced much electricity from nuclear source and New Zealand was from coal.  
  
To begin with, in 1980, coal was the most sources to produce electricity in both New Zealand. New Zealand produced current from more than a half of coal than Germany was just less than a third. The domination reversed on Petroleum source. Then, natural gas was the second larger at around a third from both countries. Nevertheless, New Zealand did not have nuclear source to generate electricity.  
  
On the other hand, coal was the essential source in New Zealand whereas Germany depended on Nuclear at 155 in 2010. Coal was the largest source in New Zealand in 2010 at 150 that six fold lower than Germany. It had the same number of petroleum source in Germany at 27, while New Zealand only two. However, New Zealand produced tenfold hydro than Germany did. Then, natural gas was the lowest source in both countries over the year. 203w
Hi Miss Anna.  
  
Again, please do not forget to upload your figure here.  
  
Overall, New Zealand generated larger electricity than Germany in 1980, but it ...  
i suggest you to change the "generated larger electricity" because the data are not available at the figure. i'm afraid that it could be an opinion.  
  
... to produce electricity in both New Zealand.  
==> both countries  
  
... more than a half of coal ~~than~~ WHILE Germany ...  
New Zealand in 2010 at 150 that six fold lower than Germany.  
==> that are six fold higher than Germany.  
  
It had the same number of petroleum source in ...  
***same number with?***  
  
I hope it can be useful for you.  
Goodluck and Keep Spirited.
**What are the causes of water scarcity? What are your solutions?**  
  
There are some factors of water scarcity, one of them is caused by domestic rubbishes, because many people waste their trashes in body's water. In my view, it is tremendous necessary that water scarcity problem should be solved, and remaining that water is a primary need for human life.  
  
The primary factor of lack water is household waste. It occurred because the waste from housing can pollute in body water. For example, African inhabitant experienced scarcity is caused as much as 34% of them threw their rubbish into rive streams. A study states that the drought occurred because waste in body waste become solid and it makes water availability decreases in minimum levers. Personally, in my opinion it is important that people should aware in this problem.  
  
Owing to fact that, there are solutions to solve this vital problem such as make campaign to change local behaviour for keep cleanness of river water, because it can influence to waste quality in housing water. For example, Japanese applied cleaning water system and suggest inhabitant to do not waste to body water. According to research of Tokyo University, lack of waste can tackle by keep cleanness in water surroundings, because it makes water to be free of pollutant. I think that can make running water keep clean and its available until long time.  
  
In conclusion, in my view there are many causes of scarcity, for instance waste. However, the primarily solution of this problem is a ban for wasting rubbishes in body water especially for water that near houses living, so that waste cannot pollute the water, and solid process of pollutant cannot be occurred. (272w)
**The pie charts below show electricity generation by source in New Zealand and Germany in 1980 and 2010.**  
  
The pie charts present about the proportion of 5 sources to electricity generation, namely coal, petroleum, Natural gas, nuclear, and hydro in 1980 and 2010. Overall, it can be seen that over the period coal was the biggest source was used in New Zealand. In contrast, the smallest source was petroleum and hydro in German.  
  
In 1980, the most popular electricity generation in New Zealand was Coal at 56 units, and it saw an extremely increase to 150 units in 2010. It was also the main choice in by New Zealand citizens. However, just 28 units, it was no change in total units. Furthermore, Hydro was the second popular fuel was used in New Zealand from 1980 to 2010. It rose gradually from 30 to 40 units. In contrary, it became less popular in German.  
  
In 2010, there was extremely downward trend of natural source in both of countries. They declined approximately 26 units, and then plummeted to 2 units in the latter period. On the other hand, the figure for petroleum in New Zealand decreased sharply from 11 to 2 during the period. Meanwhile, in German it inclined by 5 units, which reached at 25 units. (197w).  
  
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Hi Miss Reski, Here are my suggestions for you.  
  
In contrast, the smallest source was petroleum and hydro in German.  
It would be better for you to search for the highest source in Germany as well.  
  
However, just 28 units, it was no change in total units.  
what do you mean about this sentence?  
  
Suggestion:  
I think you should pay an attention to significant data that should be written in your writing task 1. I can't find you mentioned about Nuclear in Germany which is the important data for your essay. Also, try to compare between New Zealand and Germany power source.  
  
I hope it can be useful for you.  
Goodluck and Keep Spirited.
**What are the causes of water scarcity? What are your solutions?**  
  
In this world, water is ones of the essential source which obviously important to all organisms mainly for people lives. However, today, the declined of water becomes the serious problem for people. There are factors which can increase the potential of water deficit that included the fact of environment condition which is dry and the less awareness of people to solve their problem in the water supply. Several active steps to fix the problems can be consist of the people initiative in to create the new sources of water by technology and try to use the water more efficiently.  
  
However, Indonesian is the ones of the tropical country which almost of its areas are drier. For example, according to the report of Bandung Technology Institute in 2014 had declared that Java Island in Indonesia has higher potential in water decline because of the geology of the soil and it geographic did not support for enormous water supplies. As the impact, several areas in Java experienced a water drying since in 1955 until right now. Furthermore, several people acts which are ignoring with their environment also become the main cause of water problem. As the example, based on the Association of Sociology Research in Diponegoro University in 2013 had presented that people usually use water intensively rather than use water appropriately with their necessities. There are more than thousands of household in Semarang city which use the water more than 15,000 m3 in one month.  
  
Some solutions such as use the modern technology in producing water are very useful for directly preventive these problems. According to Kyoto University in Japan had been presenting their new invention for water scarcity in Hiroshima in 1997, which can filter the rainwater into the pure water that can direct to consume. This equipment had succeeded the Japan people to solve their water problems for many years until at present.  
  
In conclusion, the problem of water scarcity actually can solve by some efforts in using technology which sufficiently to produce the necessity of water in certain typical of the country. (344 words)
... of essential sourceS which [THERE IS NO VERB HERE] WAS obviously important to ...  
... declined of water is become [DOUBLE VERB, SO "IS" DO NOT NEED] the serious ...  
There are MANY factors which can ...  
However, Indonesian [INDONESIAN = PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN INDONESIA] is the one of tropical country ...  
... Island in Indonesia have HAS higher potential ...  
... people acts [DO NOT NEED S] which are ignoring (...) also becomING the main cause ...
**The graph below shows the average daily figures for Channel One News over a 12-month period**  
  
A breakdown of the number of average viewers who watch of Channel One News based on four different air schedules over a 12-month period is revealed in a graph. It measured in millions. Overall, it can be seen that there was a steady trend in the 1 pm and 6 pm news, and others experienced an extreme gradual trend.  
  
In a year period, it can be seen that all schedule of news are started in January except the 11 pm news was introduced on May. The most viewers over the year came from the news that air in the evening, at under five. However, it decreased sharply in above three roughly on August. After May saw that the 9.30 pm news fell deeply at just above one. It was less four-fold that the 11 pm news in eighth months.  
  
There was a dramatic decrease in the 6 and the 11 pm news. However, the 9.30 pm news witnessed a sharp incline, and there was an insignificant trend of the afternoon news. On August saw a sharp increase of the night news, at three. Meanwhile, the evening and over night news experienced a deep drop at above three and just under one. However, clearly, in the end of period, news that air at day stood at one. (216w)  
  
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... is revealed in a [A=> THE=> BECAUSE THE GRAPH THAT YOU MEAN IS CLEAR] graph. I  
... there was a steady trend in the 1 pm and 6 pm news [YOU SHOULD MAKE IT CLEARER WHAT THAT HAS A STEADY TREND? IT WILL GIVE DIFFERENCE PERCEPTION FOR EACH PEOPLE, SO IT SHOULD BE=> THE NUMBER  , and others experienced an extreme gradual trend.  
  
... that all schedule of news are started in January except the 11 pm news was introduced on May [NOT SCHEDULE OF NEWS THAT START AT THE MOMENT, BUT THE NUMBER OF THE VIEWER CHANGE]. The most viewers over the year came from [FROM=> THAT WATCH] the news that air ...
**Some people think it is waste of money to establish libraries since the public can use the Internet at home to obtain information, do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Nowadays, technology and information were faster than before. Since invention of the internet people more chosen use it in the daily activities, especially in education. As the impact, they are looking for information at home and other argue that building libraries is waste of money. I totally disagree about that statement and believe that libraries are important to incline reader motivation to make a book or research.  
  
Invention the internet in this modern era brings positive effect in developing of education. Because of that, many people have known some research from other countries however, just abstract or the result of research. Besides, human can read book everywhere and whenever they want. Unfortunately, there was also fake information that can find and usually when people open the internet there are porn video or picture. Based on research of Technology information department at Tokyo University found that 35 percent in the several webs there was incorrect data or information. Due to of the reason people should go to library if want to find the real information.  
  
Establishing of library is the best way to make public get more motivation to read and like books. A journal from Singapore University explained that since 2013 motivation to read book have grown up 25 percent because there were new libraries with good facilities and biggest building. In contrast, at national University of Singapore around 30 percent student have made book since establish new library.  
  
In conclusion, however the internet have helped people to get fast information but building libraries is good solution to get more information with reader books, without fake information. (267w).
Reski, you need to do your best to paraphrase the prompt statement from the original. If you don't paraphrase the whole prompt, the reviewer will lower your score because you will have plagiarized the statement in your opening discussion. Try to explain the prompt in your own words as best as you can. Make it original because the reviewer will know if you paraphrased the prompt or not. Also, do not say "incline a reader". The term you are looking for here is inspire, e.g. ... inspire the readers...  
  
Your second paragraph is trying to provide too much unrelated information to the reader. While your reasons are good, the fact that you did not take the time to properly explain your stand using these reasons and examples will further affect your final essay score. Make sure that you use coherent and cohesive examples in your discussion in order to increase your score rate.  
  
In truth, you really did not accurately and effectively defend your stand on the matter. Since your score will be based upon individual assessment, maybe there is a chance that you can get a higher score in the other sections for review. When it comes to task accomplishment though, you are really unable to properly represent your prompt discussion.
A breakdown of the average daily viewing figures for channel One News over 12 month period is provided by the line graph. The measurement unit is in millions viewers per day. Overall, One News channel had the largest viewers at 6 pm in January. Surprisingly, displaying at 11 pm got popularity in August after it was opened four months ago.  
  
Firstly, One News channel showed at 6 pm had the most viewers in the beginning than two others. Between January and June, showing at 6 pm fluctuated in which it hit at four in June after two times declined in March and May. Then, the channel displayed at 9.30 pm reached a peak at just under four in May then decreased gradually to three in June. On the other hand, 1 pm remained stable at around 1.5. Then, there was a new displayed channel at 11 pm in May, which climbed gradually.  
  
Furthermore, three schedules of One News channel experienced unsteadiness from July to December whereas one schedule tended to stable, displaying at 1 pm. In August, showing at 11 pm hit popularity at four. While 9.30 pm and 6 pm decreased dramatically to one and three respectively. However, 11 pm saw a sharp fall to just under one in the end of the year, whereas others increased slightly after hit a high point in September. 226w
Hi Anna. Here are my suggestions for you.  
  
First of all, do not forget to place your graph here.  
  
... daily viewing figures,measured in million viewers, for channel One News over ...  
  
... increased slightly after hitting a high point in September.  
  
However, you served the data well. try to change the "11pm" to "11pm news" to make it better, and give the 9.30pm news in august a state that "reached a bottom" or you can compare it with the peak of 11pm news.  
  
Well done.  
Goodluck and Keep Spirited.