dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## the role and effect of the Internet

  
  
In the recent century, myriad people rely on internet to attain information and to communicate each other. Even though, internet gives beneficial aspect but some people think it obtains drawbacks especially for finding information. This essay will discuss about the both views.  
  
A lot of advantages of internet are preferable reason why people keep it to use it. The main factor is economical aspect. Internet provides cheaper fee even free, communication for instance. By using skype, teamviewer and other social apps, human may not spend their money for conveying their talking cost on internet.  
  
On the other hand, internet remains disadvantages effects. Those aspect are mostly related to information. People are easy to access the internet, as a result many of them put much information on it without no filtering. This problem affects writing originality or we call it paraphrasing problem. Some of them just copy and paste data and it become immense obstacle on academic.  
  
To sum up, in my opinion, people can not deny that they need effective and efficient way of their activities. Internet supports the necessary for them. By using internet, it means that we should more carefully to obtain information which is reduced by broad knowledge and learn much. So that, we can prevent from the false data or information.
Even though, internet gives beneficial aspect but ...  
  
Even though the internet provides a lot of benefits, many people argue that there are some drawbacks about it, especially in terms of finding appropriate information.  
  
This essay will discuss both views - Well, you haven't clearly presented the other point of view. You had to write -- Many people argue A, whereas others state B.  
  
You should work on your vocabulary and your grammar.  
  
Your ideas are great, but you struggled to present them in clear and appropriate way.  
  
A lot of advantages of internet are preferable reason why people keep it to use it ---- The internet provides a lot of advantages and that is the reason why so many people prefer to keep using it. ----- That is not a good sentence, you should state the exact reasons why The internet is a good thing.  
  
On the other hand, the internet remains disadvantages effects. - On the other hand, the internet has its bad sides.  
  
Focus on reading - read a lot !!! From sample essay to books and articles. Look at how the sentences are constructed, be aware of the grammar that is used and at last learn every word that you don't know. Extract it, write it down on a piece of paper and learn it!  
  
Good LUCK !
Hello,  
  
First of all, I think this article doesn't match the 250 words requirement. The body part (paragraph two and three) is too short and lack the support sentences for your point of view. For example, you mentioned that the information accessing is the main problem of the internet, then you talked about the paraphrasing problem, which made me confused what was the topic of this paragraph you would like to address.  
  
Next, I found you used some difficult words which can show your ability in word management. This is really great!  
  
Keep writing!!
I am preparing for TEOFL, so i will be so thankful for every one give me a feedback on my essay:  
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## the basic stones of every society

  
  
The children are the basic stones that every society stand on it by itself, this is why the developed societies give an important consideration about them, and especially the parents.  
  
Without any doubt, the parents have big impact on their child future, because they are the closest ones to him, in which he trusts them and thinks that their advices and orders fall in his benefits, for this reason, the parents are in a position where they can make their child go extra mile in his future, as such, they seek his hope, his dream, and think about what he wants, what he loves, and what he hates, also, it should be mentioned that when children stick in very difficult situations, the most often, their parents are the only hope they can trust, meanwhile, anyone else is taken with grant of salt, and that explains well why the child learn from his parents how to manage his life and how to struggle in a difficult situations and how to be stubborn in hopeless cases.  
  
We cannot encounter all the reasons in few lines, but nevertheless, what has been mentioned justifies why the parents make the best teacher, however this should not be taken as a perfect rule so let us turn over the coin to see the opposite face.  
  
Every child is like a white paper, and what the parents write in it would be very difficult to erase, hence her is the questions: how much destructive would be that paper if it is written with dark thinking, evil ideologies and bad behavior ?  
  
What i want to say is: the best educated parents make the best teachers, and what their children learn from anyone els is as a drop in the bucket comparing with what they benefit from them.
Housseyne , since this is the first time that you have posted here, I am absolutely sure that you don't have any idea regarding the rules of the forum yet. You are required to post the prompt requirement that accompanies your practice test. That is because we need that prompt to help analyze your weaknesses and strengths in writing these essays. It also helps to give us an idea as to how you might be scored in an actual test. So kindly post the prompt here as soon as you can for a more accurate review and scoring of your essay. In the meantime, I am going to offer you a general review of your essay.  
  
Your opening summary is incomplete and not in compliance with the required length of an opening paragraph. The information does not carry a complete summary of the prompt or proper paraphrasing either. Even though I do not have access to the complete prompt as of this moment, I can already tell that there are important sections missing in this particular paragraph. I would love to read the actual prompt in order to better direct you in developing your paraphrased prompt paragraphs.  
  
Properly developed paragraphs need to be at least 3 paragraphs long in order to be considered format compliant. You are not allowed to pose a question in the essay if you are not going to provide a response to it. These are the more common problems that exist in your essay right now. This review covers everything from the first to the last paragraph that you have written. I can give you a chance to write a better , guided essay once you provide the prompt to help me with a more detailed review.
## starting and finishing IELTS essays

  
  
Well, in the last few days, I have found that I have problems with my Introduction paragraphs in my writing task 2 and I have difficulties with the overview in writing task 1. Now I am going to share some of them with you and I am hoping that you will be able to give me some suggestions how to improve them.  
  
ielts-mentor/images/writingsamples/Academic\_IELTS\_Writing\_task\_1\_Sample\_104.jpg  
  
Over the given period, In Yemen, the proportion of people aged 0-14 will drop significantly, as the share of the population by the age between 14-59 will increase dramatically. The opposite trend will be experienced in Italy, where the share of the mid-age group is going to diminish, whereas the proportion of people aged 60+ will nearly twice as big.  
  
ielts-mentor/images/writingsamples/Academic\_IELTS\_Writing\_Task\_1\_Sample106.png  
  
It is clear that over the given period, the proportion of foreign students in the provided Canadian universities had increased significantly. The most significant went up was observed in the University of British Columbia, whereas the lowest uplift was in Ontario.  
  
Should governments spend more money on improving roads and highways, or should governments spend more money on improving public transportation (buses, trains, subways)? Why?  
  
It is a never ending question, whether governments have to invest more funds in improving the infrastructure of towns or should they focus on the development of means of public transportation, such as buses and trains. This essay argues that the improvement of public transport should be of paramount importance for every government. Firstly, this essay will discuss how by improving the public transport, local powers could improve the environment in the regions and then it will focus on the financial benefits from overhauling of the local transport.  
  
I have difficulties with this question, I am not sure, whether I have to discuss both points or I have to stick with only 1.
@krempetkov, I believe this will help.  
  
...I have problems with my ~~Introduction~~*introductory* paragraphs...  
...the proportion of people aged 0-14 *years* will drop...  
~~The opposite trend will be experienced in Italy,~~*Whereas Italy will be experiencing a contradictory trend...*  
...most significant ~~went up~~*hike* was observed in the...  
..It is a ~~never ending question~~ controversial subject whether ...  
.. and then ~~it~~the essay will focus on ...  
I'd recommend to stick to a single issue. That way you could elaborate crucial reasons behind it and make your article more descriptive for the reader.
Hello Krempetkov  
  
*First of all, let's start with Yemen's essay.*  
  
In my opinion, since this is the overall, you can paraphrase the age categories to be more effective and i recommend to you to avoid the "similar words" in the graph. For instance, you can paraphrase the age groups into this forms :  
  
**0-14 : The youngest groups/ Pupils / Children below fifteen /  
14 - 59 : Middle age groups / Teenagers and Adults / people in productive age /  
60 + : The oldest groups / Older People /**  
  
*Secondly, the Canadian overall*  
  
In my opinion, it is good since it can addressed all of the parts, but you can develop it into more less common vocabulary :  
  
"It is clear that" ===> too common. Perhaps you can swap into **A closer detailed look at X reveals / A more detailed look at X reveals**  
  
Because there are no difference in the graph, all are increase in 2006, you can add additional information in your overall like that :  
**"All of the trends that is depicted in the Bar charts bear no difference, since it always increase in 2006"**  
  
Your third overview in my opinion is already great.  
  
Hopefully it brings benefit to you
George, when you are presented with an and / or question in an essay, such as the one above, this indicates that a comparison essay is expected in the response. Why is it a comparison essay? Simply because it is asking you to consider two sides of the discussion. The pros and the cons of each side have to be accurately displayed in the essay discussion. So if you have 5 paragraphs to write it, you have to write it in the following manner:  
  
1. Overview summary with your opinion indicated. Remember to say that both opinions will be discussed in the essay.  
2. The negative opinion discussion  
3. The positive opinion discussion  
4. Your personal opinion (if required)  
5. The concluding paragraph.  
  
Keep in mind that you have to discuss the point that you personally support in the third paragraph, if your personal opinion is required so that your opinion will have a strong foundation to be based upon. If your personal opinion is not required, then you can interchange the positive and negative discussion since the conclusion will be based on a general discussion and will not require a restatement of your personal opinion.
## recreational places choice by British people

  
  
The diagram shows four choices of recreation places by Britainian in 1999 including theme park, museum and galleries, historic houses and monuments, and wildlife parks and zoos.  
  
It is noticeable that theme park became the first choice of local tourist in England and wildlife parks or zoos was the last in mind to spend their leisure time. Entertainment attractions was more preferable than other type of recreation places.  
  
Theme park became the most visited by Britanian with the percentage of 38% and this amount distributed into five choices of attractions. Among those five Blackpool Pressure Beach was the most favorite with 47% of theme park visitor and Chessington World of Adventure as well as Legoland in Windsor became the last choices with only 10% of theme park visitor.  
  
Museum and Galleries had almost the same amount of visitor as theme park with only 1% different. Educational recreation chose only about one-sixth of overall tourist in England while natural places had the least of fans at 9% of visitor.  
  
*
Wahyu, if you combine the first and second paragraphs to create a singular paragraph, then you will be presenting an overview that is within the required 3-5 sentence presentation. However, if you did that, you would end up with an essay that is only 2 paragraphs long. That is because the last 2 paragraphs that you present also need to be merged in order to create an accurate discussion of the diagram. I believe that you have the potential to improve this essay in order to meet all the required formats. You just need to review the diagram again and this time, make sure to develop your opening statement in the proper manner. That means, shortening your sentences in the presentation in order to meet the required sentence minimum. Then, you have to expand the second paragraph in order to accurately present the information provided. Like i said, you can combine the last 2 paragraphs from this essay to accomplish that. So your remaining problem will be properly concluding your report in order to better reflect the provided information. I suggest that you simply recap the information in the final paragraph, covering at least 3 sentences, in order to remind the reader about the purpose of the report.
**Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:  
Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.**  
  
## The technology in the service for children.

  
  
Technology plays an important part in the development of modern society, but someone argue that technology destroys the creativity ability of children. However, I disagree. And on the opposite, technology has apparently assisted our kids to become more creative.  
  
First, the computer technology offer a fictitious world to children which could make their fantastic dream come true. For example, the game mine craft, by collecting the building block, you can build the world in your mind. The city on the sky, under the water or on the moon are all able to be build in the game. I once met someone built the destroyed Chinese imperial garden--old summer palace on mine craft. With the development of the technology, 3Dmax would absolutely provide our children an effective tool for realizing their creativity by building the world in their imagination.  
  
Second, the internet technology give children a great chance to get they need to enhance while realize their imagine. Never should children be prohibited to get to the internet. They should be taught to use the computer in the right way, such as gain academic database ,read classical works, or watch historic documents. Taking my brother as an example, he wanted to build an aircraft model, but had no idea about using what kind of material is good for flight, so he searched it on the internet. Not only did he find the proper material but also some knowledge about how the shape of the model influence the airflow. Finally, he build a cool but strange aircraft, however, it can fly in good condition. He is very proud of the aircraft model he designed. Without the technology we can't get the knowledge so convenient on the internet to make our design come true successfully.  
  
Admittedly, it is unable to deny that the technology might make children become lazier and be comfortable with what is already available because everything are so convenient nowadays and there seems to be no way to improve them. Thus, it is always necessary to keep children's mind active in the marvelous world of technology. By inspiring their spirits of exploration, technology will play an important part in the improvement of creativity.  
  
To sum up, I still regard children as becoming increasingly creative in the technology development, although it might bring minor side effects. As long as we keep a balanced mood on children enjoying the fruit of technology can we increase the creativity of children.  
  
(QAQ I'm not native speaker and neither do I good at English, but I want to improve my skills. Thank you very much of your comments.)
Hi there,  
  
First of all, your essay is quite good for a Toelf piece of writing. I'm sure that you will receive a decent score if you wrote this in the designated time frame.  
  
Second of all, your structure is good although you should avoid using the transitions words like first, second, etc. (notice that I just used that and my comments sounds quite disruptive.) I'm sure you know about the paragraph structure: the first (or second) sentence of each paragraph should summarize the paragraph's ideas. After that, you can lay two or three supporting sentences then a concluding sentence. I saw that you already done that quite well in the first body paragraph. However, your topic sentence of the second paragraph is quite vague. I'm not sure what you mean so perhaps try to avoid words that you are not familiar. I would suggest something like this "Second, the Internet is a convenient tool for children to search for new information."  
  
There are a few other minor errors, mostly preposition errors. For instances, in the sentence "For example, the game mine craft, by collecting the building block, you can build the world in your mind. ", you should add "For example, [in] the game mine craft, by collecting the building block, you can build the world in your mind. " or better to move the in the game mine craft phrase to the end. I would suggest you read more article or books online then your sentences will sound more natural and you will use correct prepositions.  
  
Try to avoid lengthy sentences as you may create run-on sentences. It would be best to stick to the Subject + Verb + Object structure. Long sentences also are difficult to read and understand. As an example, "Admittedly, it is unable to deny that the technology might make children become lazier and be comfortable with what is already available because everything are so convenient nowadays and there seems to be no way to improve them." should be broken to two sentences like "Admittedly, technology might make children become lazy and content. Everything is so convenient and there seems to be no improvement possible." still kinda run-on but you know what I meant.  
  
Regardless, your essay is easy to read. Keep it up.  
  
TN.
Hello Olivia Yang, I will give you several suggestions  
  
1. Since this opinion essay, I think you'd better to use as many as adjectives/adverbs to emphasise your opinion or your explanation. Take examples from that :  
  
However, I disagree  
---> You can put **I "totally/significantly/ultimately" disagree** if you are 100% disagree  
----> You also can put **I "tend to/apparently/have tendency to/" disagree**, if you still fifty-fifty.  
  
2. Since this is academic style, avoid to use "And/But" in the beginning of the sentence.  
  
**And** on the opposite, technology has ...  
3. Your topic sentence in the second sections, seems not too simple. In my view, you must simplify it to make it to be more easy to understand  
  
In general, your essay is already easy to follow. But, you should put more phrasal verbs and less uncommon verbs to boost your score.  
  
Good Luck !
## Too many cars in the capitol of Vietnam

  
  
In the attempt to cope with traffic jams, developed countries have hitherto conducted a number of effective solutions, and the result of which was an enormous success far beyond the expectations. Therefore, there is no doubt that Ho Chi Minh City government could employ those methods to confront their severe road congestion. To begin with, practical measures should be implemented to raise public awareness about obedience to the traffic laws. In detail, the city had better inflict stricter punishments on drivers breaking rules, including imposing fines on them or sentencing them to do community services. In addition, the appropriate contents could be added into teaching programs of all education levels in order to build up youth's virtue and discipline. The other necessary solution is making the public transport system more convenient for passengers. In particular, the government should primarily enhance the comfort of current bus services by expanding its operating hours, increasing the number of bus routes, and offering a priority lane on streets to dedicated buses. Indeed, to shorten transportation time, it is urgent to speed up implementation progress of metro projects. Apparently, althought solving traffic jams completely is not easy, the government still step by step improve the situation by following the potential solutions mentioned above.
Nam, I am not sure about what you are trying to do here. Is this an IELTS article summary essay? A TOEFL discussion essay? Or an English writing class assignment? The purpose for which you wrote the essay for will dictate the proper review for it. So if you have a prompt for this essay, as well as an article url, please remember to provide it so that you can receive more accurate feedback.  
  
In the meantime, I have to tell you that the essay offers a pretty good overview for the discussion of the implied topic. However, the essay lacks in terms of early examples of the traffic solutions applied in other countries that Ho Chi Minh City could emulate in order to solve the city's own traffic problems.  
  
Your essay lacks a full development of discussions for the ideas and that you present. Each of your ideas should be better developed in separate essay paragraphs instead of being lumped together in a confusing discussion in the single paragraph that you have now. Try to to create more accurate discussions and develop your suggested ideas in order to make the discussion more informative and enlightening / educational for the reader.
Tks a lot for your prompt feedback, Holt! This is just an writing assignment in my IELTS class, for the IELTS test on August with the required band score of 6.0. My duty is to write a paragraph discussing the topic. To be honest, your rep is very helpful to me, especially your recommendation of how to empower the essay.  
  
By the way, please help me to check if I made any grammar or collocation mistakes in my above paragraph. Thanks again!!
Nam, if you provide me with a copy of the prompt that you are responding to, I can also tell you the score that you could possibly get for this essay. That way you will know how far from or how close to a 6 you may score in the overall band. Don't worry about your grammar. You got your points across quite clearly and, even though some of the words that you use seem to be a bit stern, the flow of thought was not affected. As a part of your grammatical range and accuracy, I feel that you don't have anything to worry about. The parts of the scoring that you have to worry about are your task accuracy and lexical resource. From what I can tell, your cohesiveness and cohesion is also acceptable. Again, the prompt is necessary for a more accurate review of your work. The grammar problems are the least of your worries at this point.