dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## benefits of choosing a job early

  
  
In contemporary world, opinions are divided whether people should decide their career in their early life and stick with it until they retire or they should make alterations in their occupation. While I accept that changing job has many advantages, it is not to say that pursuing the job that people have chosen has no redeeming features.  
  
On the one hand, keep doing one job can lead to satisfying working life. Firstly, because many people have been extremely determined to their dreams since they were children, they have to try very hard and coerce them to work with all their effort in order to achieve successes in the future. For example, it is said that, from childhood, children who want to pursue the medical pathway devote many attempts to accomplish the tasks and examinations to enter the medical schools and become well-known practitioners and surgeons; therefore, as they fulfill their hopes and dreams, they will forever stick to their occupations. Secondly, longevity of experience in one field is one of the momentous factors for ones to achieve their goals and get promotions. There is ample evidence suggesting that the more adroit in tackle the problems the employees is the more opportunities they get pay raise and promotion.  
  
On the other hand, I believe that hopping jobs and work as contemporary job-holders give people a rewarding experience. Job hoppers are said to accumulate different skills, which are beneficial for their job development later. For instance, in some developing nations such as Vietnam, due to the lack of social skills in university education, some postgraduates are trying a variety of occupations so as to gain not only social skills but also effective communication techniques . Furthermore, frequent changes in workplaces enable the new workforce to decide what they are really into. Because some children are oriented and forced by their parents, if it were not for the job-hopping, they would everlastingly work in the field that they do not have any passion.  
  
In conclusion, though there are many benefits of choosing a job early and doing it, it seems to me that it would better for people to make alterations in working.  
  
Please give me some advices to improve my essay and the score as well.
Hi @Lime I have read your writing closely. Turning to a detailed description, I have found you have needed a few improvement:  
For the first, I observe that you did not carefull on putting linking word on your essay. This then can make your essay lack of meaning eventhough as a reder I can understand indeed. As such, try to learn it more in order to boost your score in cohesive and coherence categories. Beside that, I also argue that you have to learn more about grammar deeply, because there a little mistake I found there, for instance "to satisfying " should be "to + V1".  
  
For your conclusion, your statement is too brief and do not covered all your idea. Actually, you need to paraphrase your thesis statement to figure out the conclusion too. However, I personally believe that it is a quiet good essay, you can make a more powerfull essay in your next writing.
## free trade effect on developed and undeveloped countries

  
  
From late 20th Century, globalization has become a term that every country has concern about. Globalization helps improve productivity which create higher quality products with more reasonable price. However, beside its advantages, free trade also brings about disadvantages one of which is that the gap in income between the poor and the rich countries have continued to widen. There are also arguments about whether only the more developed countries gain from free trade. About this, in my opinion, everything has its both sides. It is true that the more developed countries gain more from trade than the less developed countries but on the other hand, the less developed ones also have numerous chances opening to develop their economies.  
  
Firstly, the idea that only more developed countries gain from free trade is not correct. Free trade is an open market where countries sell the products that are abundant and purchase goods they can not produce or can not produce with the same price and quality offered by other countries. According to absolute advantage theory, a nation has the ability to produce a good more efficiently than any other nations. In the case of India, Indian IT engineers can provide IT supporting service with lower cost than the rest of the world. German manufacturing firms have technology which enable them to manufacture high quality machines. Consequently, each nation has its absolute advantage to compete in global market, not the more developed countries only. Moreover, comparative advantage theory points out that countries also can specialize in a target good that they have resources to produce better than other goods, due to which every economy can take take all advantages of their resources. India specializes in outsourcing IT support services, and Germany focuses on machinery industry. Then the global productivity is raised and global citizens can use better goods with lower prices than before.  
  
But in other aspect, the less developed countries are facing more difficulties in free trade than the more developed countries. Their low technology and unimproved infrastructure unable them to produce goods in the same volume and quality as the developed economies who have great competencies. Their export structure is mainly depend on primary commodities. They export low price commodities such as agriculture products, raw materials which then will become the input for modern factories in developed countries and import finished product with much higher price which leads to their Term of Trade is always below 1. And some less developed country where they do not have natural resources, the labour force even has to do the low-paid the outsourcing. Free trade means all countries reduce the protectionism which can threat the domestic infant industries.  
  
In conclusion, even when inequality is widening within and across nation, both poor and rich countries gain and loss in free trade. But governments have been making great efforts to reduce the gap in economic performance between the poor and the rich countries.
**the graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries.**  
  
## The chart and table analysis

  
  
The line chart illustrates the amount of global water use in three different sectors over 10 decades (1900-2000) while the table exhibits the comparison about consumption of water in Congo and Brazil which relate with their population in 2002. Overall, it is interesting to notice that the water use in these three sectors had upward trend over the period. Furthermore, Brazil water consumption was higher than Congo.  
  
Looking more closely, Consuming water in Domestic, Industrial and agricultural has a significant increased over the timeline. In 1900 Industrial and domestic has almost similar number, while agriculture water consumption is the biggest one, it accounted for 500 km3. However, in 2001 a steady increase is faced by Domestic water usage while the Industrial had just slowly jumped up hence those sectors made wide range in the end of period. Furthermore, Agriculture rocketed and reached a peak at 300 km3 in the final years.  
  
Moving to the table, Brazil that had 26.000 km2 land to irrigate and 176 populations consumed 359 m3 each person it is higher than water consumption by Congo just consumed 8 m3 per person which had 5,2 million population and 100 km2 irrigated land.  
  
*
***Hi Syamsiah,** I will try giving a few suggestions for finalizing your essay.  
First, be careful of putting information. Based on the table, this is the information in 2000, but you write 2002. You have to double check your sentences so that you can keep your score. For your overview, you are supposed to show proper information. It is better if you write "each person in Brazil consumed more than in Congo". You have to convert the data to the real information on condition that you can get a high score.*  
  
it accounted for 500 km3.  
ACCOUNTED FOR...(WHICH WAS ACCOUNTED FOR)  
*Actually, there is a conjunction, but I omitted that so that it seemed like that.  
When you review the data in the body paragraph, you should show the detail information. You only mentioned its changes but not to include the number. Following this, keep in your mind that your job in the writing task 1 is to compare figures, not to describe them separately. Its reason is because that is one of the prompts given in the writing task 1. After that, your last sentence in the last paragraph is too long. That can break your flow and influence your coherence. You can separate it to create the coherence paragraph because the good paragraph consists of at least three sentences.  
  
Hopefully, those can improve your skill.  
GOOD LUCK*
Question :  
**In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.**  
  
My answer :  
  
## break from a school - positives and negatives

  
  
Having a gap-year is more and more common in recent years. High school graduates are looking for a vacancy for work purpose or relaxation. In this essay, the benefits of gap-year will be explained,but also the drawbacks will be elaborated.  
  
To start with, it is widely acknowledged that gap-year is the perfect time to earn pocket money.Since they finish their studies, they can work and get more income than before. For example, many companies, such as Hungry Jacks, KFC,they are keen on to hire youngsters due to public images. As a result, youngsters can get a paid-job easily.  
  
Likewise, traveling in gap year can activate their knowledge exploration attitude in the future. Traveling is an incredible experience as approaching new things.For instance, when youngsters visit Great Barrier Reef, they will think about water pollution and global warming.They might be interested in environmental-protection issues after get in to university.  
  
Nevertheless,the concern is, young people might give up the post graduate study after a gap-year. No doubt, it is a lost for young people in regard to giving up an opportunity to get more knowledge; higher income in the future because of short term benefits. For instance, teens may prefer to be a fast food take away shop cashier instead of spending few years to take a security engineering degree to be an engineer in the future.  
  
From what have been discussed above.There are benefit and drawback of gap-year. Teenagers should be responsible for their decision.
ChiLim, your essay requires the comparison of the given information, which you did in an acceptable, but flawed manner. There needs to be a consistency in your statement, specially when referring to the graduates. Always say either "secondary school" or "high school graduates" because that clarifies the type of educational attainment being discussed in the essay. To merely say "graduate" is a general term that could refer to a number of educational levels of study completion. Since the essay implies a specific graduate level, mention it in the overall presentation whenever possible to remind the reader about the main focus of the essay. Another slight mistake in your presentation is how you delivered additional information in the conclusion of the essay and also, tried to influence the reader towards a certain decision regarding the topic. As a rule, no new information should be presented in the conclusion because that is only meant to close the discussion. Also, the prompt doesn't require you to persuade the reader so saying that "Teenagers need to be responsible..." is not only additional information but also, a method of influencing the reader, which is not required in the discussion. Everything said and considered, I think that this essay is still worth a band width score of 5 though.
Dear@benz0127  
  
I would like to give some suggestion to improve your writing.  
  
Introduction is not properly paraphrase. you can paraphrase it changing word and sentence structures.  
  
always use clear one topic sentence in each paragraph, then develop the paragraph with range of complex or compound sentences.  
  
need to write a conclusion containing at least three sentences.  
  
I hope it help you your next writing  
  
keep writing :)
Hi, I think I have learned so much from your writing.  
Just a few things I believe you need to notice next time:  
1. loss vs. lost: we use loss as a noun  
2. benefits and drawbacks, advantages and disadvantages. All are plural countable nouns  
3. Repetition. I agree with Holt that you should be specific with graduates (which are secondary or high schools) besides that use synonyms to avoid repetition, e.g. the youth = youngsters = young people...  
  
Keep it forward! Good luck!
## making cement for concrete as constructional materials

  
  
The charts depict the numbers of steps and tools included in the process of making cement from which produces concrete as constructional materials. Overall, the cement making process involves four equipment with fewer input materials while the concrete production process requires only one tool with more raw materials.  
  
In the cement making production, limestone and clay are first poured in a crusher to make a combination. This mixture is then blended in a mixer to be thoroughly combined. Next, the blended powder goes through a rotating heater where they are heated to remove moisture. Finally, the powder is conveyed in a grinder to make the fine powder prior to being packed.  
  
On the other hand, in the process of producing concrete from cement, as the one and only step, cement, water and gravel which is small stones in the set ratios of 15%, 10%. 25% and 50%, respectively are mixed in a concrete mixer to be completely blended which outputs the concrete product.
Huong, there is no way that this summary can be properly reviewed because you did not provide the illustration that you analyzed before writing this paper. So, I will not score your paper and only offer you a general review. The work that you did suffers because of the lack of proper formatting. You have inconsistent paragraphs in the essay and a number of run on sentences in its place. Kindly remember next time that your essay will only be considered to have a proper paragraph if it is comprised of at least 3 sentences. You actually have a paragraph here that has 4 sentences, which is more than acceptable. The rest however have less than that so those do not qualify as complete paragraphs and you will be scored down for those errors. While it seems like you presented an accurate explanation of the procedure, it would have been better if you had, at a certain point, separated your discussion to better illustrate the point at which the procedures change in the production line. Overall though, this is an excellent effort that just had a few errors that affected the overall summation of the illustration.
Hi @mandyduong , I have read your writing carefully. This then several suggestions for you:  
1. Try to use passive sentence to reveal the information on this essay, because it is about process.  
  
2. Pay attention on the way you compose each sentence in a proper way. It seems to me that there are several sentence with inappropriate structure then makes me confuse as a reader. For instance in the first four sentence in paragraph 2  
  
3. Keep in your mind that the good paragraph has at least three sentences, that is why, you should applied it in the third paragraph in order to make it perfect.  
  
4. Learn more about 'phrasal verb' to boost your score in lexical resource and use uncommon vocabulary to get a high score in this category.
hy, @mandyduong. i have read your writing deeply. unfortunately, you did not upload the question and its picture(s), so i can make sure the data that you presented was true. i may focus on your grammar. firstly, pay attention your 'four equipment' phrase, is better if you add 's' in the end of phrase. if you do more this mistakes, you will get no more than 7 on your grammar. secondly, i think your overview is quite good. you may get 6 or more on your task achievement if you write such overview.
Please give your comment on my essay. Every feedback is highly appreciated!  
  
IELTS TASK 2 : **Some people think that it is good for a country's culture to import foreign movies and TV programs. Other think that it is better to produce these locally. Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
## not only local, domestic TV

  
  
There is a school of thought that manufacturing local media programs is better than importing films and TV programs from other countries. However, I am of opinion that buying the foreign media programs should be encouraged to implement than producing the national films and TV programs.  
  
On the one hand, there are some reasons to believe that the producing national films and programs is more beneficial than importing the foreign ones. A primary reason could be that local countries may save national budget. If the local film productors can manufacture the media programs, the governments might not pour finance into importing the copyright of the foreign films and TV programs. Another reason may be that through the national media programs, the government could maintain traditional values of the nation. When citizens watch local films and TV programs, they might tend to follow the national customs such as cooking traditional cuisines and participating in the national festivals. By these activities, the national culture of the nation could be enhanced.  
  
On the other hand, I am convinced that buying the copyright of the films and TV programs from other countries could lead to more advantages than producing the local media. An explanation of this is that citizens may have chances to approach to the lifestyles and the customs of many countries. Through the foreign films and TV programs, citizens might acquire knowledge about various cultures. Consequently, when they go abroad, they can accelerate integration process with other countries. In addition, importing the foreign media programs could attract more audiences. In modern life, people have the inclination of enjoying the foreign programs on TV because through these, they can expand their horizons about the world.  
  
In conclusion, there are some reasons which explain that manufacturing the local media programs is better than importing the foreign ones. In contrast, I am firmly of opinion that buying the films and TV programs from other countries could result in many advantages.
hay @PHUONGMIN, i have read your essay clearly, and i will give some proposed advice may improve your score.  
  
firstly, you have to pay attention on your grammar. as i read on your fist paragraph 'I am of opinion' will be better if you say in my opinion, and other appropriate adverb to show your opinion. in that sentence also is found word 'than', i think there is no comparison there. Grammar accuracy is a quarter of measurement in writing task, and you may get no more 6 if you make huge number of grammatical errors. but in my view, practice may lead yo to be better, because your idea is quite goo. so practice is the key. Break a leg and keep practice
## correlation between water usage purpose and consumed products

  
  
The graph and table shows information correlation of purpose water using and as products consuming. It is clearly, worldwide scale water is one important thing to grow crops. While it also had same crucial as Brazil used for irrigated their land.  
  
The most noticeable, globally water being exploited for agriculture. Following year after it was increased constantly and reached a peak by far 3,000 km2. Meanwhile water is less used for domestic use in contrast industrial use also grew steadily by over 1,000 km2 areas in the end of the year.  
  
However, In America Latin regions, Democratic Republic of Congo being the lowest in terms of water applications of human needs than Brazil did. They have several aspect which give impact of water such as have more populations and bigger areas for farmland compare to Congo. It is evidence with 359 m3 being use for people consumption which is ten times higher than Congo.  
  
*
@Diahkn93  
  
I have read your essay and I will give you some feed back  
it ~~was increased~~ (increased) constantly (pay attention with active and passive sentence)  
Meanwhile water is less used for domestic use... (I think in this sentence you must use "past perpect" to exhibit the real time in the graph given)  
  
and I think you should add the cohesive devices effectively between sentence in last paragraph to make your essay coherence and cohesive
hay @Diahkn93  
i have several advice to boost your score in this writing  
firstly, in introducing the chart, you have give a clear introduction. in this essay, you did not mention the year, actually, both line and table provide the year when the measurement was taken. it is important also to make emphases on your overview. the word 'use' is inappropriate if you put there because it not link two sentences, so you may use meanwhile.  
  
Pay more attention on your grammatical accuracy because you will get no more than 6 if you produce too much grammatical mistakes.  
Secondly, you did not make any comparisons on this essay. this is important because you may just stay on 5 if you just list the figure. try to choose the interesting one and compare to other possible figure.
Topic: **Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?**  
  
## The different views on online connections between people

  
  
In the 21st century, the advancement of technology has without doubt, connect the world more tightly together. However, to some, social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter are claimed to be detrimental to both the individuals and the society. To me, I instead believe social networking platforms are beneficial to both aspects.  
  
With regard to individuals, social networking sites create a platform for them to socialize. Through creating a fan page, one can easily connect with people of similar interests. They can earn their sense of affiliation by joining certain functions in the group and getting along with others. One can get to learn about socializing with strangers. Also, as information flows rapidly on platforms like Twitter or Facebook, everyone can stand a chance to know more about the thoughts and the ideology of people with opposing stance on certain issues. Hence promoting understanding between people with different ethnicity, races and political stances, then get to bridge the gap and widen their respective circle of acquaintance.  
  
Looking at a bigger picture, community awareness can be enhanced with the use of social networking media. It is not uncommon to see political parties promoting the prime importance of voting and election. Citizens will be much more aware of their civil responsibility in the community. Furthermore, participation in particular protests originating from the social platforms will encourage citizens to contribute more to the community with their friends met in the events with similar goals, who aspire to better the community, in turn raising community awareness.  
  
In conclusion, despite the abuse of social networking sites by some individuals, social networking is a blessing to the individuals and the society as the positive effects of socialization and raising community awareness are far more influential than the negative ones.  
  
Words: 288