dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the governments  
rather than private companies.  
  
DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?**  
  
There is a constant debate on the roles of governments and private companies in carrying and controlling scientific research. While some argue that governments should conduct and control it, I strongly believe that government and private businesses should cooperate to gain the best results.  
  
On the other hand, it is said that the fact that private companies conduct scientific research is posing a threat to society. If there is no regulation of governments, some companies are willing to use the results of scientific research to profiteer regardless to its serious consequences. For example, in 2015, a company in China secretly changed the gene of new-born babies, breaking the laws of human rights. This experiment begged a question about the morality of science and even the future of humans. However, if governments carry on scientific research, research can be supported and regulated to guarantee its legitimacy.  
  
On the other hand, I tend to agree with the viewpoint that the investment on scientific research is extremely huge and with a limited budget, governments are unable to do it. Conducting a research needs a tremendous financial support to build laboratory, recruit talent scientists and pay for all the equipment in the research. They can cost a fortune and it would be more practical if this amount of money of government is spent to solve numerous current problems of humans such as poverty and hunger. Besides, the lack of budget from government can limit scientific research, which hinders the development of science.  
  
Personally, I think that it would be more effective to allow private companies to conduct research and governments will be the ones regulating it.  
  
To sum up, while the advantages of the control of government in scientific research are obvious, I firmly believe that the best solution is the cooperation of governments and private companies.  
  
*\* Please let me know what score my essay deserves. Thanks so much*.
***## Many museums charge for admission while others are free

  
Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?***  
  
It is true that nowadays more museums start charging people for admission. I completely agree the idea that the pros of the measure outweigh the cons.  
  
In my opinion, people pay to enter museums can help conserve artworks and facilitate sustainable development. By receiving the entrance fee from visitors, museums can make use of fund in maintenance, rehabilitation and security etc, these are the vital elements that keep museums running. While part of income is spent in labor force so that they could earn a living. For countries like Italy, it mainly relies on museums tourism to support their economic development through applying heavy entrance fee to worldwide visitors. Besides, much revenue is put in education, this can effectively raise public awareness of cultural conservation which proves museums enforcing admission fee can be utilized in several meaningful ways.  
  
However, when museums are no longer free of charge for entrance, their accessibility decreases gradually. Under-privileged group become more difficult to access to masterpieces due to costly entrance ticket, nevertheless, local communities like Hong Kong Children Club offers free guided tour and discounted ticket to allow the needy to appreciate without financial hurdles. Meanwhile, some may say popularity of museums declines if they mandate charging scheme, I doubt that whether travelers will be restricted by the entrance fee when they discover some artifacts which are worth-seeing. A typical example is the Versailles Palace in France, though so pricey as it may seem, it still attracts millions of tourists every year.  
  
In conclusion, museums charging people for admission bring disadvantages, they are indeed insignificant and hence the advantages outweigh.
Hi! Here are some suggestions for you:  
  
- In other to show examiners that you have lexical resources, you should paraphrase "museums start charging people for admission" (you just copied from the question)  
  
- "agree **with** the idea"  
  
- "While part of income is spent in labor ..." --> "At the same time, part of the revenue is spent to pay museum employees, so that potentially they receive higher earnings."  
  
- "For countries like Italy, **where** it mainly ... to support ~~their~~  **the** economic development, ~~through applying~~ **apply** heavy entrance fees ..." (countries ... apply)  
  
- "However, ... entrance, **their** accessibility decreases gradually." --> Whom are you referring to?
## life cycle of the salmon

  
  
The diagrams below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant .  
  
The diagrams illustrate the life cycle of a species of large fish namely the salmon.  
  
It is clear that the life of the salmons take place in lower course river, open sea and upper course river. And their maximum size is around 70-76 cm.  
  
In the fast flowing lower river, baby salmons are called "fry" which have 3-8 cm long. They live there for approximately four years then become "smolt" that are 7-9 cm longer than "fry". Since then, "smolts" migrate to open sea for around 5 years.  
  
Once salmons become "adult salmons", at their maximum size of 70-76 cm, they swim to upper river with slow moving current. In the river, It is full of reeds and small stones. To breed their next generation, "adult salmons" lay down their eggs beneath the small stones, the period is long for about 5-6 months. Finally, new "fry" is born and begins its life again in lower river. The cycle is closed and continuous.  
  
*
You will be heavily penalized for not even trying to change the original topic presentation. It is too similar in word usage. In fact, you did not even change the words you used for the most part. You can see what I mean below:  
  
Original: The diagrams below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon.  
Your Version: The diagrams illustrate the life cycle of a species of large fish namely the salmon.  
  
It is very clear that you did not change the original presentation enough to prove to the examiner that you can restate information in your own words. You are reliant on memorized phrases and/or cutting and pasting from the original to present your discussion topic. This will lower your TA and GRA score to a point where you may not pass the test.  
  
The word "and" is a connecting word which cannot be used to start a sentence. As a connecting word, it should help to link the previous thought in the sentence to the next thought, in relation to a complete explanation or presentation in the sentence.  
  
As there is a minimum 3 sentence requirement for the consideration of a complete paragraph, you should be presenting only a 3 paragraph report for the task. That helps to create a connected discussion picture for the reader and also, allows you to create a clear and coherent paragraph presentation. Again, this is advice I give students who wholly appreciate my line of teaching. This format that you used is based on other teaching styles so maybe you should be seeking advice about your work from them instead of from me.
**hello , I am greatful to hear every comment on my essay. I am practising writting  
I always appreciate comments, even if they seems short and simple!  
I extremely hope you will help me improve in my writing**  
  
## training center vs an university

  
  
It is argued that the university is not better than a training center in the process of knowledge acquisition. However, from my point of view, the university is substantial to get good knowledge.  
  
First, the university has prestigious curriculums recognized by the national education system, which is a significant place for a student to heighten their knowledge. In fact, there are now many documents but this makes you disoriented in learning because it is tough to find a qualified document for your demand. While there is much valuable academic knowledge in the university. You don't need to worry about that anymore. Examples, the document which the university must pay much money to get and classified according to each level of the student is chosen and studied by a professor on that field so it is credible. Another factor would be that Today, academic qualifications are essential for getting a reasonable career. This means unless you have a degree in college, you will be tired of getting a good job. For instance, when a company interview, the certificate proves you experienced arduous processing in university and provide the most basic background of you. At least, you can stand a good chance of making a first impression with them because you had a great deal of effort and a serious attitude in your study.  
  
All things considered, I once again reaffirm that the role of a university is consequential to attain adequate knowledge. However, I think we need to learn both the knowledge and skill to have well- rounded development.
Hi @TuHuynh051001  
  
- First of all, you should separate paragraph 2 into shorter ones.  
  
- There is a problem with the opening sentence (*It is argued that the university is not better than a training center in the process of knowledge acquisition*.) <-- Knowledge acquisition is from the perspective of a student (he/she receives knowledge), yet, you are referring it to university/training center.  
  
- You should try to write more academically. For example "You don't need to worry about that anymore." --> "It should not be a concern..."  
  
- I am not entirely sure about this, but I don't think that you should use "YOU" pronouns. It will make your writing less professional. --> Say "students", "people", etc, instead.
I wish you had provided more detailed instructions for your essay. I always need to know:  
- The type of English practice you are writing for (IELTS, English classes, TOEFL, etc.)  
- The original prompt you are responding to.  
  
Normally, there are several types of prompts for a given essay. Which is why I find it difficult to advise a student sans the presentation of the original prompt. The most I can review is the grammar range of the student and that, is what I am going to give you now. Kindly provide the information I need next time. Thanks.  
  
Spelling:  
Center - Centre (UK spelling)  
  
Punctuation:  
Clauses require a comma: ... many documents, but ...  
  
Phrase Clarity Requirement:  
... in the process of knowledge acquisition - in knowledge acquisition  
  
Avoid Contractions in Academic Writing:  
don't - do not  
  
This will have to do from my end for now. I can do a better job of reviewing your work when you provide the prompt. I hope to do that with your succeeding essays.
## How to survive in the digital world?

  
  
**Some older people struggle with the use of modern electronic technology such as smartphones, computers. What are the reasons and give your solutions?** ( please give me a score)  
  
We all are living in an epoch of advanced technology and people have to learn new things to adapt with the modern technology. It is generally seen that senior citizens become the victims whenever new technology launches due to lack of knowledge and to overcome the same, we need to educate them so that they do not feel left behind.  
  
Undoubtedly, we come across with the updation in electronic gadgets on frequent basis and adolescents are smart enough these days that they cope up with them quite easily. However, the older people always struggle in using the smart phones, laptops because of its technicality and lack of knowledge. For example, there are various hi-tech apps in one/a mobile phone like WhatsApp, Camera, Messaging, Facebook etc. it appears so difficult for them to understand the cumbersome gadgets on their own.  
  
To resolve the issues faced by those individuals, there is a need to set up institute to impart training to them so that they can also be well versed with the technology. Various studies have shown that elderly people in New York are able to use the electronic gadgets easily since institutes therein teach them about the functions of devices. Moreover, it is advisable that the companies who are launching the new phones must vouchsafe the people by providing the manual with pictures printed on it so they can understand it well.  
  
All in all, to survive in the digital world everyone has to adapt to the technological environment by learning the new things at every stage in the life otherwise they will find themselves in difficult situations.  
  
(267 words)
Hello.  
  
This is my first attempt to write an IELTS Writing Task 2. Can someone please check to see what I need to fix and improve, and estimate the band score of this writing please?  
  
Thank you so much.  
  
***Topic: Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems.*  
  
## Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.**  
  
Environmental problems are attracting raging concerns all around the world with their damaging effects on human life. While the extinction of plant and animal species is said to be the main problem these days, some people are also considering other ones. This essay will discuss what is more important to mankind.  
  
Nowadays, species of animals or plants going extinct is a major environmental problem. it is human activities the one that has been rapidly accelerating it at an alarming rate. An instance is hunting rhinos to extinction for their horn, as many people believe that owning one might bring them luck and powers. As a result, many other species are endangered or no longer exist. This leads to natural imbalance, loss of diversity, and a broken food chain. For example, a whale eats 40 tons of food per day, if it disappeared, all the small creatures below would be too abundant, thus might disrupt the marine environment. In other words, once a species' extinction happened, the others could be at risk too, and it consequently triggers negative changes to the environment, which in turn affects negatively to human life.  
  
However, in addition to the problems mentioned above, there are also many other significant ones as well, such as pollution, climate change, ozone layer depletion, natural resources depletion, natural disasters, etc. As proof, pollution harms all the living creatures', including our health. All of these are having serious impacts on nature and human life. Moreover, they are not standing alone but is related to another. For instance, climate change leads to natural disasters like floods, drought, ice melting, etc which bring damages to human life and the economy. Therefore human needs to study, and together join in cooperation in efforts to find solutions to all of the problems.  
  
In conclusion, it's hard to say one is the main problem of our time. In my opinion, only by considering and resolving all the environmental problems and adopting comprehensive means of action that can a better environment be guaranteed in the future.
Hi! Here are some suggestions for you:  
  
- "*An instance is hunting rhinos to ...*"  
I will rewrite it as "Rhinos are being hunted to extinction since many people believe that owning the animal horn may bring them luck and powers."  
  
- "For example, a whale eats 40 tons of ..." --> As a matter of fact, this is wrong. If 1 whale dies, it will not affect the food chain that greatly. "It" should be changed.  
  
- "*However, in addition to the problems mentioned above...*" --> As an intro to a new paragraph, you should have a clear reference to environmental impacts in specific.
While your discussion is acceptable. It is given from only a personal point of view or a general understanding of the situation. The reasoning format for the discussion should have been:  
  
- Public group pronouns usage indicating that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals.  
- Public group pronouns usage indicating that there are more important environmental problems.  
- A first person comparison of the two reasons ending with an indication of which opinion you support.  
  
The aforementioned format helps to increase your GRA score directly.  
  
As this is a comparative discussion, you should indicate that your personal opinion will be based on a consideration of the 2 points of view / reasons. This is the statement that should be placed at the end of your prompt paraphrase,  
  
The conclusion you made continued the discussion of the topic. It should have summarized the topic and opinions presented instead. Try to avoid using memorized phrases such as "In conclusion". That will not help your LR or GRA score. You could instead say:  
  
-All things considered  
- Based on the given....  
- Finally,  
- To bring the discussion full circle  
  
Or variations thereof. Due to the error in the formatting and other considerations, mainly this being your first essay here, I will not score this essay. I will score the next one since I use the first essay to assess your strengths and weaknesses so I can properly guide you in the future. I hope to see your next essay soon.
Hi! I would love to see comments based upon IELTS marking criteria, and possibly a detailed band score!  
Thank you!  
  
## **Task 1: Plastic bottle production process.**

  
  
*WORD COUNT: 160*  
  
The diagram illustrates how a plastic bottle is made. Overall, there are 6 stages in the production process. The principle concept requires the plastic to be heated and shaped to form a bottle.  
  
The process begins when a preform is placed inside an extruder machine with a heat source. Once the piece melts, the machine is removed. Subsequently, four separate pieces of mould then enclose to form a bottle shape surrounding the preform, which stays at the cap of the structure.  
  
The preform stays within the mould for the majority of the production period for the shaping purpose. Now in the 4th and 5th stages, through the opening, a needle is injected to the preform to discharge pressurized air. The hot, therefore malleable, material expands along the moulds until a desirable shape emerges. It is let cold down and the mould pieces are removed by this time. At the final stage of the process, a plastic bottle is successfully produced.  
  
*
Ok. Let's go criteria by criteria on this one. Here we go!  
  
TA - 6: You clearly understood and represented each step of the bottle making process. You were detailed in your description and never missed out on describing a single manufacturing process. It would have been better if you had summarized the 6 stage process in the overview as something similar to a trending statement.  
  
C&C - 6: While there is an overall progression in your presentation, there are times when the coherence of the presentation is confusing to read. Specifically the 2nd sentence of the last paragraph.  
  
LR - 6 : There are some instances when your word formation of usage is difficult to understand but the rest of the paragraph content helps to clarify what you are trying to say. The problem can be seen in \*P3 : S4  
  
GRA: 6: There are some grammar errors throughout the essay but these do not impede understanding of the paragraph. Try to improve on your simple and complex sentence mixes in the presentation to further increase the score.  
  
\* P = paragraph S = Sentence
The line graph gives information about the birth and death rates in New Zealand over a period of 100 years and predicts trends in the future. From 1901 to the present day, the birth rate has been higher than the death rate. However, it is forecast that the birth rate will decline slowly and be overtaken by the death rate after 2041.  
  
In 1901, the birth rate started at 20000 and increase significantly to reach a peak of around 65000 in 1961. For 40 years after that, the number of newborn babies fluctuated between 50000 and 60000 and then it is expected to gradually decrease untill 2101, with just over 40000.  
  
In contrast, the death rate has risen steadily since 1901. There will be a reamarkable increase from 2021 and the number of deceased people will probably increase sixfold, at 60000 in 2061 before dropping slightly for the next 4 decades.  
  
(151 words)  
  
*
Hi! I would love to see comments based upon IELTS marking criteria, and possibly a detailed band score!  
Thank you!  
  
***TASK 1 (Maps): The two maps below show the developments along Olive Drive before and after the construction of new facilities between 1980 and 2010.***  
## summarise the information

  
  
*WORD COUNT: 174*  
  
The two maps provide information on how areas along the Olive Drive changed by comparing the years of 1980 and 2000. This area had grown larger in residential capacity and offered many new businesses. Overall, it is clear that more housing units and retail establishments were built.  
  
As compared to 1980, the community had 5 more houses, in the same areas with the old ones, located along Olive Drive. The most significant difference to the town was the removal of the shopping compound; a shopping center and a supermarket replaced its place. Next to the new buildings, the old bank now transformed into a café. Furthermore, a new school was constructed in the unused land to the northeast of the map.  
  
Other areas around the Olive Drive had little changes. Some more vehicle tracks emerged to support internal traffic. Only the community center shrank in size to share the space with a small bank in the southern direction. Next to them, the hospital and the park in the north of the map remain unchanged.  
  
*
You did a wonderful job in the summary overview. However, you forgot to indicate which year represented the increase in the housing and retail establishments. Remember what I told you about the summary? It helps the reader develop an early mental picture of the report? That is why you need to indicate the year of the trend. So that the reader will be clear about the time frame they should take note of in the report.  
  
I would have to say, if I were the one scoring this during an actual test, I would not score it below a 6. That is because you did a good job on presenting the information. From the overview, the comparison points, and the changes presented, it is clear that you thoroughly analyzed the presentation and worked on presenting it appropriately.  
  
That said, you did have a few problem sentence presentations here and there but not that affected the excellent work that you did in the presentation. I would have to say that I had to pull back in scoring you only because the work you did was excellent for the beginner level. Try to aim for a more complicated presentation next time. Advanced vocabulary work would help, as well as more punctuation variations that are appropriate for the sentence presentation.  
  
Overall, good work! I think you are ready for more advanced comparison tasks at this point.