dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Kevin, I think that you should consider omitting the portion that discusses the health drawbacks of social media because you were not able to provide additional discussion about it, such as the positive health results of social media, in other sections of the paper. So that section becomes irrelevant to the discussion. Most of your focus in the essay is on the privacy of the person using social media. There is no follow up discussion on the health consequences or benefits in other sections. Therefore, you need to remove that reference paragraph in order to keep your essay focused on the privacy aspect alone. That is of course, unless you can figure out way to use the positive health benefits of social media in the Similarities discussion.  
  
For the Similarities portion, aside from cyber-bullying as a harmful effect, you can also discuss the way that social media is being used by terrorists to recruit people to their cause. You can discuss how social media is now a major source of news and information for its users, but then the problem is that because social media relies on the so-called "citizen journalism" to offer information, not all of the information that is gained from them can be accurate.  
  
However, for the positive comparison, you can say that social media has helped to save millions of lives from cyber-bullying because of the emergence of anti-bullying support groups on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. You will need to do some research but you will see that these organizations, while they require that you give up some of your privacy in order to join then, ends up helping you in the long run because you belong to a safe social network meant to support you when you are feeling down because of bullying. You can also claim that the news on social media helps inform the reader and encourages them to verify the information before sharing it. The important part of this is that the reader gets interested to learn new things and respond to his changing environment because of the "citizen journalist".  
  
Now, based upon the information that you will decide to place in the similarities portion, you may need to adjust your conclusion or find out what your group mates have written for the essay so that you can better develop your conclusion to support the group voice in the final paper,  
  
These are some of my ideas as to how you can expand your similarities portion. I hope it helps.
**Topic: Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that money could be better spent in elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?**  
  
Some people argue that the government should allocate funds more appropriately to some aspects other than arts. I agree that some city's projects are more important than arts but arts investment can be considered if the government has funds surplus.  
  
Tackling the issues such as infrastructures improvement and transportation system development of a city are essential to increase living standards and safety of the public compared to investing in arts. For example, if the government spends money to widen roads and improve road conditions, car accidents are likely to reduce. Whilst expanding the transportation network by increasing the number of services is also beneficial to commuters who live in remote suburbs. With better facilities in cities, people's life quality can be enhanced, hence to achieve a higher life satisfaction. If the government only have a limited budget for city development, arts should not be included in its plan.  
  
On the other hand, the government can develop arts if it has excess funds. Arts can bring green and attractiveness to a bustling city where people can enjoy and release some stress in life. To illustrate, some arts such as installation arts were made from plants and flowers, which not only color the streets or train stations but also lower the effect of air pollution through absorbing carbon dioxide. Sometimes, arts can be more than just for enjoyment, it also helps greening the environment when the government displays arts on environmentally friendly purposes.  
  
In conclusion, the government should prioritise the available funds based on city's needs before considering arts investment. While arts should be promoted only if the government has residual funds.  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Hi! I am Rae.  
This is my first post in this forum, I am trying to achieve band 8 in writing in IELTS. I am studying IELTS by myself and have attended IELTS two times in 18 months, writing is the only part that I did not improve and scored the same as the first attempt, which is 6.5.  
  
I am hoping that any of you can give me some useful recommendations on IELTS writing especially to improve my grammar skills and sentence structure. Any suggestions and corrections would be appreciated. Thank you very much :)
Hi Wai,  
  
I can see that your target is quite high for writing. Perhaps, I can only give you some suggestions or perhaps the criteria of band 8 in IELTS writing task 2 and a possible way to achieve it. There are four essential criteria of IELTS writing task 2. Those are Task Response, Coherence and Cohesion, Lexical Resource, and Grammatical Range and Accuracy. The detailed descriptions would be explained below.  
  
For achieving band 8, you need to:  
  
Task Response:  
- Sufficiently addresses all parts of the task  
- Presents a well-developed response to the question with relevant, extended and supported ideas.  
  
*> If you agree on something and you still mention "but", it can be considered a partial agreement and you cannot sufficiently addresses all parts of the task.*  
  
Coherence and Cohesion:  
- sequences information and ideas logically  
- manages all aspects of cohesion well  
- uses paragraphing sufficiently and appropriately  
  
*> To sequence information and ideas logically, I think that mentioning example after topic sentence is not a good idea. You are suggested to explain it first, then you can mention some examples about it to support your argument.*  
  
Lexical Resource:  
- uses a wide range of vocabulary fluently and flexibly to convey precise meanings  
- skilfully uses uncommon lexical items but there may be occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation  
- produces rare errors in spelling and/or word formation  
  
*> Uncommon lexical items are still quite infrequent in your essay. I notice most of your vocabularies are common. Try to look up and memorize as many advanced vocabularies (C1 or C2) as you need in Cambridge English Online dictionary to help you. Remember, those advanced vocabularies should be collocated properly to achieve band 8.*  
  
Grammatical range and Accuracy:  
- uses a wide range of structures  
- the majority of sentences are error-free  
- makes only very occasional errors or inappropriacies  
  
*> Some of your sentences are still inaccurate. I can still notice subject-verb agreement problems occur in your essay. My suggestion is that you can use "Ms. Word" Grammar and Spell checker to help you (it is okay if you have another software that is better than ms word). However, you also need to know that Grammar and Spell checker is also a software made by human, it is possible to be inaccurate. If your sentence is quite complicated, sometimes it won't work properly. Also, avoid making fragmented sentence like the last sentence in your last paragraph. This can drag your score down below 8.0 if you keep doing the same mistake.*  
  
Hope this helps :)
The most noticeable thing in Costa Rica is that they do not have army. In 1994, due to a civil war, a massive number of their societies were died and therefore people decided to abolish military. Hence, all the expenditures for military were turned to social expenses - free education and nursing - and it was what the citizens need more rather than army. Then it was what they called as stability.  
  
Ms Araya, a costa rican, presented what her country had done regarding fossil fuels issue. Costa rica had utilized renewable energy to generate their electricity since couple of years ago. There were 299 days that this country did not use fossil fuels. She believed that seven out of ten of energy consumption was spent on vehicles.  
  
She stated that we, world's occupants, can let fossil fuels go of as army's case in Costa Rica. "Let go fossil fuels for good" she said. Her statement then was strongly supported by the impact of climate change which do harm people. Then the question is, why do other country keep importing oil if the existence of other sources such as water from river, heat from volcanoes, solar and wind that surely can generate electricity? Later, it had been predicted that by 2020 there will be clean transportation like electric bus or car which reduces pollution and saves money. In the end of her speech, Ms. Araya suggested people to engage citizens starting to make a change in order to create country that we want. Thus, let's make the small developing country, Costa Rica, as the real model to not rely on fossil fuels anymore.
Hi Mujaddidah,  
  
- The most noticeable ~~thing~~matter/issue("thing" is quite informal) in Costa Rica is that they...  
- ... a massive number of ~~their societies~~people were ~~died~~killed , and...  
- ... for military were ~~turned~~allocated to social expenses ...  
- Then, ~~it~~that was what they ...  
  
Ms Araya, a Costa-Ric-an , presented what her country had done ~~regarding~~towards fossil fuels issue.  
- Costa Rica had utilized (...) electricity since **couple of years** ago. (couple of years = 299 days? is it? CMIIW)  
- ~~There were 299 days that this country did not ...~~This country did not use fossil fuels for about 299 days.  
- She believed that from seven out of ten of energy...  
  
As you can see, you need to pay attention towards grammatical range and accuracy to help you compose a better essay later on. Good luck for that :)
Transportation is important aspect to mobilization the people from one place to another place in the city. Train is one of kind land transportation which many use with people in the world. The train has line in the sky with 30 feet of height, is called high line. But in this modern era, the train has under line in underground of the city. It is because about one person in a mounth that is killed and run over, so the train in high line was elevated.  
  
The consequence of this case is many high line of train leave unattended in the city. Because aesthetic function, the high line must be collapse but it is not solving problem and need cost too much for it.  
  
Finally, the other solution is changing the high line of train in many city into park city to towards beautification of the city. The design of this park was inspired by the wildscape. The purpose of this project is saving high line from demolition working from government and the citizen can enjoying the city building. To make this project become real, it need one hundred dollars to built in over 20 years tim period. It can take from increasing of taxes in the city.
Dear Yurike, here some advice for your writing and feel free to correct me too!  
  
Train is one of **the** kind land transportation which ~~many use with people~~**many people use** in ~~the~~**all of the** world.  
  
The train has **a** line in the sky with 30 feet of height~~, is~~**which** called high line.  
  
But in this modern era, the train has ~~under~~**a** line ~~in~~ under **the** ground of the city.  
  
Regards
hello yuri  
I have some advice for you  
hope it helps  
  
**1. try to arrange your vocabulary such as replace 'because' to another word for example due to, since, as, because of, the reason is  
2. modal + V1**  
  
Transportation is the important aspect to ~~mobilization~~mobilize the people from one place to another place ~~in the city~~ .  
  
Train is one of kind land ...  
Train is one of the great land transports which is utilized by citizen whole the world.  
  
The train has the line in (...) of height, ~~is~~ it called high line.  
  
But in this modern era, the train ...  
but in this sophisticated era, the train has been built above the ground of the city.  
  
... one person in a ~~mounth~~month that is killed ...  
  
..., the high line must be a collapse but it is not solving the problem and need ...  
  
Finally, the other solution is changing ...  
Eventually, the another solution is changing the high line of train in several city into park city towards the beautification of the city.  
  
... and the citizen can enjoy~~ing~~ the city building.  
  
..., it needs one hundred dollars to ~~built~~build up in over 20 years ~~tim~~ period. It can take from increasing ~~of~~ taxes in the city.  
  
thanks  
keep writing
... transportation which is used by may of people in the world~~many use with people in the world~~ .  
  
The train has the line in the sky with ... (we have special term to describe kind of vehicle, it is called as MRT or LRT, maybe you can use that term of your next writing)  
  
..., the train has been built~~under line in~~ underground of the city.  
  
~~It is because about one person in a mounth that is killed and run over, so the train in high line was elevated.~~  
it is because land shortage caused by increasing housing and buildings everywhere.
Kandice Sumner, a tactful lady, paid attention to people who was unfortunate to obtain a high-quality school. She is a daughter of an officer of state (her father) and an educator (her mother). However, the principle of her family was that wealth was not the majority goals for future. She struggled to broaden her knowledge in days gone by since she had to take an hour from her home to get better education. In retrospect, she thought that it was a common activity that everyone wakes up at 5 o'clock and go to school afterwards. As she got older, she realized that there was any considerable disparity among people and not everyone had opportunities to get a school. There was by far about discriminating issue such as color skin or income. She felt that she should take responsible for this situation. For many years, she strove for cultivating books in a treasure trove of literature. At the end, she strongly emphasized that people should donate their money, resources or time to help them to get better future.
As we know, many people like to lived in small village. Almost all people recognized the other. They usually met in everywhere such as market, street, garden, and many more. But now, many poeple tend to forget their tradition, often we find someone so busy to greet other people while he walking in street. He prefer played with his handphone. Particularly, in big town many people have many problem, so they just greet other people who have recognized by him.  
  
In comparison, in village many people like to talke with strangers, don't like people in town.  
Many benefits if we live in small village than town. Firstly, in village there are many pretty scenery like waterfall, farm, river. When we bored just walk around village. Secondly, there are many humble people in small village. They usually smile when he met someone. Thirdly, food in village is healty and tasty because the use good vegetables from their farm and cook without chemical.  
  
In other hand, many disavantage when we decided to live in village, such as limited education, and bad service of public area, many road in village are broken. In conclusion, there are many advantage and disavantage live in small village. Depens you to decided because town is good place for modern life with all of people. There are many good public area and education in town. But if you want to live in good environment with humble people. I suggest you to live in small village.
~~As we know, many people like to [...] who have recognized by him.~~  
  
**Please, add the instruction in your essay, so we can understand about the question**  
  
let me help you to help in your overview  
Just make it simple in your overview and give a specific in your body essay.  
*Occupying in big cities can be extremely stressful. It is believed that people are more likely to live in a remote area since they have a bond each other. However, in this day and age people are bound to dwell in big companies rather than in a small village. I would argue that living in a small area is the best choice*
Hi Alfin, I believe this is my first time to review your essay and with that, I would like to WELCOME you to the Essay Forum Family, we aim to provide you with the most accurate and valuable feedback that you will be able to use to strengthen your essay.  
  
Now, as I review your essay, I must say you have what it takes to write. You were able to use words that are very easy to comprehend, you made sure that your sentences are logical and the paragraphs are not too short and not too long, however, there is no title, no prompt and having tagged this essay as Writing test 2 in English Studio does not necessarily give us, reviewers, a clear view of what and how to review your essay. What I mean is that, we need to have a solid ground such as the prompt, the title or the goal of the essay in order for us to provide you a review that will be very beneficial to your revision.  
  
Having said that, all you need to do now is to make sure that you write back to us with the title or the prompt of this essay that you are answering to, now, don't get me wrong, we can still review your essay base on the construction of the sentences and how you follow the English language rules, however, it will be very beneficial for both parties if we have the prompt in order to get an overall perspective of the essay. I wish to hear from you soon and keep writing!
Hi alvin, what a good summary, but let me give some advice, perhaps useful for you. feel free to correct me.  
1. Almost most of people recognized the other.  
2.~~But now~~ , many poeple tend to forget ... ---> you can not put But in the beginning of the sentence for academic purpose.  
3.~~poeple~~ ---> people ( miss spelling word)  
~~Depens~~ ---> depend  
~~to considered~~ ---> to consider ( to + bare infinitive)  
4.~~many disavantage~~ ---> many advantages ( plural and miss spelling word)  
5.But now, many poeple tend to forget their tradition, often we find someone ...---> Nowadays, many people tend to forget their tradition, often we find someone so busy to greet other people while he walking in street and prefer played with his mobile phone.
Dear Alfian  
  
i think you have good enough skill to write in English. However, there are several improvements should be taken to sharpen your English. Firstly, you have to pay attention to use singular and plural words, deal with subject+verb agreement and also minor grammatical errors. secondly, you have to choose proper conjunction to connect your sentence with the previous ones. thirdly, please read some article to array your vocabularies. I strongly recommend you to have Cambridge dictionary which helps you to choose advanced vocabulary  
  
Good luck
Antony Goldbloom, he is scientist who learned about machine. He rely to machine will change position of human. It can work like human, and substitute human's work. Furthermore, it can exceed human's abilities such as finish high volume task at little time. Although, actually machine hasn't been fully fulfill the human's work such as solve for strategic of company. On other hand, Antony believes that one day later machine will be changing human job. He has prediction in some years later, will invent some good technology in machine which more easily to solve enermous problem in many place in the world and is probably will happen in short time. In my opinion, perhaps machine be able to solve some problem in industry and many place, however human must more smart than machine, and is imposible machine be able solve all problem. In conclusion, human need machine, similiarly machine need human for work.
Hi Alfin, here's another one from my end.  
  
- Antony Goldbloom, ~~he~~ is a scientist who learned  
- about machines .  
- He rely ~~to~~on machines that will change or replace the positions of human.  
- It can work like humans~~, and~~, therefore, it can substitute human's work.  
- finishing high volume task at little time.  
- Although, ~~actually~~ machines hasn't ~~been~~ fully  
- fulfilled~~the~~ human's work  
- such as ~~solve for~~creating strategic ~~of~~approach for the company~~. On other hand~~ , Antony believes  
- day ~~later~~, machines will  
- ~~be changing~~replace humans in handling jobs .  
- He has prediction ~~in~~that some years later,  
- we will be able to invent some  
  
There you have it Alfin, as you can see,once again I left a few sentences for you to be able to practice your editing skills. I hope you develop your writing potential as you follow through the revisions and suggestions made to your essay.
Hi Alvin, what a good summary, but let me give several suggestions for you, perhaps useful for you.  
1. ... in industry and manyplace, however human must more smart ... ----> if you want put however in the middle of the sentence, do not forget put ; and comma after however---> many place;however, human  
  
2.he is a scientist who ...  
3.Although, ~~actually~~ machine has not fully fulfilled the human's work ...  
3. He rely ~~to~~on machine will change position of human.---> collocation  
4.~~more smart~~ than machine---> smarter than  
5. singular/plural  
many place---> many places (add s)  
some problem---> some problems (add s)
Dear Alan  
Those are my comments toward your writing  
  
1. Please kindly attach the link of the article you summarized. it helps a lot to see the original article.  
2. Please to pay attention to your spelling, you misspelled the word too many.  
3. Please pay attention to a subject+verb agreement on your writing, singular and plural and the article.  
4. you have to change your way of writing, it seems that you writing in speaking form. please, your formal sentence which consists of Subject + predicant and object.  
  
He rely to machine will change position of human. It can work likehuman , and substitute human's work.  
... finish high volume task at little time.  
... hasn't been fully fulfill the human's work (...) strategic of company . Onanother hand , Antony believes that ...  
... some good technology in machine which more easily to solve enermous problem in many places in the world and is probably ...  
... some problem in industry and many place, however human must more smart than machine , and is ...  
In conclusion, human need machine, similiarly machine needs ...
Youngey Minyur Rinpoche, a meditation master, explained about how to meditation. He told that practicing meditation is not about to make to refresh our mind. It then can to alter difficulties into opportunities. In any case, it is believed that meditation have several considerable benefits to transform suffering into enjoyment and look for solutions for some problems. He emphasized that the advantages about this activity was narrowed down into three levels. It was consisted by refreshing the mind, opening the heart for love and compassion and awakening wisdom. Youngey suggested realizing our basic goodness, taking potential, capacity and good qualities into account for getting the point of joy of living. Surprisingly, he gave a sort of meditative techniques for basic level. It was easy to follow for mostly people since we needed to sit down comfortably, closed our eyes and totalled our breath for at least five minutes. Subsequently, people could add more time, whereas it was not suggested to beginner.
Hai @NIna, I got some advice for your writing:  
  
1. ... explained about how to (DO) meditation.  
  
2. ... is not about to make ~~to refresh~~ our mind (SO FRESH).  
  
3. It then can ~~to~~ alter difficulties into opportunities. (CAN +V1)  
  
4. ... believed that meditation ~~have~~ (HAS) several considerable (...) enjoyment and look(S) for solutions for ...