dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## exploring space and government funds

  
  
*Question: give your views on whether the government should spend money on exploring space, by writing an article. The word limit is 210 words*  
  
I got this question from exercise 7 of paper 2 variant 1 of summer 2017 igcse English as a second language (0511).  
  
The article: (224 words)  
  
A wise use of the economy consists of investing in practical long term and short term projects. Although investing in space exploration may help solve some environmental issues, it will ultimately do more harm than good. This is because of factors such as the amount of focus the project would require and its impracticality.  
  
Renowned economist Richard Ludwig, once said 'Public facilities are the culmination of the trust between the government and the people!' Public opinion is shaped and sculpted by the services available to them and good facilities are like sharp knives, carving out a relationship between government and public, one that is strong and sturdy. Therefore investing in space exploration will do more harm than good as it will lead to less funding of public facilities.  
  
A Vision is a double-edged sword, it can truly make or break a project. In the current governments case, this vision will break the project. As both the cause and the goals set out are impractical, and when this is the case, failure is inevitable.  
  
On the other hand, exploration may help solve such environmental problems as global warming. This would be a direct result of having lifted the burdens of industry on earth and having placed them on another planet.  
  
In conclusion, space exploration isn't beneficial as it comes with the consequences of losing trust and almost inevitable failure.
Since you already knew beforehand that you are allowed to write only up to 210 words, why did you present me with a 224 word essay to review? You do know that you will be expected to edit your writing for word count and clarity during the actual test right? It is best that you begin that practice during your practice essays. That way you will be automatically trained to edit your word count, along with the clarity of the presentation. Remember to automatically do that next time. You will benefit from it during the actual test.  
  
The first sentence of your article should be directly related to space exploration. When writing articles, the first sentence should always kick off with a topic sentence because the reader expects to be clued into the content of the presentation paragraph right off. I am not sure how beneficial the quote from Richard Ludwig will be during the actual test since you may not have the benefit of using the internet at the testing center. So it is better to stick to a personalized discussion of the given topic.  
  
Kindly remember to proof read your paper for grammar and writing errors prior to submission. Failure to proofread results in words that do not need to be capitalized being capitalized and remaining so without correction. Such errors will affect your score because of your grammar rule violation. Proof reading and editing is of the utmost importance in any English language test as it proves your ability to correctly use the English language in the manner required.
***Many people think there is an increase of antisocial behavior and a lack of respect to others.***  
## *What do you think are the causes of this and how to improve the situation?*

  
  
In recent years, it has been increasingly common to see people behave impolitely and disrespectfully to each other. This trend is caused by several reasons regarding problems in one's life and education environment. This essay will help to find feasible solutions in order to mitigate these situations.  
  
The cause of various matters of a lack of politeness is bitterness and frustration from human's life, especially in working. Workers sometimes have work disputes with others about essential projects. It happens when there is too much pressure for people if they work overtime and get prolonged stress from their co - workers and boss. As a result, they could be able to release anger on their family by lashing them out. Another issue is that people might not be well - educated when they were young. In other words, if parents educate their kids well, they can get a certain decency of behaviour and attitude.  
  
There are several actions that could be taken to solve the problems. First, a calm conversation is one of the best viable ways to stay away from conflicts. It means that people could set for themselves some discussion standards or develop a rudeness filter to avoid attacking others by words uncontrollably. A second measure would be learning how to keep calm and be kind to another. In particular, there are many soft skill classes for people to control their feelings and prevent inconsiderate behaviours toward others. Last but not least, family is the first socialization environment for children so education plays a vital role in this situation.  
  
In conclusion, prolonged stress and lack of education are the main reason for rude behaviour. Nevertheless, there are possible measures that can be taken to deal with the problems regarding having a calm talk, learning how to express emotion and being well - educated from a family environment.  
  
*(304 words)*  
  
P/S I'm just a beginner and my aim Writing score is 7.0. I really need your feedback to improve. Thank you very much.
In the prompt restatement, you are offering a factual statement rather than a representation of your understanding of the original discussion topic. What is provided for your interpretation is a questionable opinion from a public perspective. The repetition should follow those lines without changing the "questionable" aspect of the topic presentation. You could have better restated this as:  
  
*A portion of the population speculate that there is a growing trend towards unsociable conduct and impoliteness towards one another. I believe that this is caused by 2 reasons namely; ... The matter can be remedied through...*  
  
In the causes paragraph ( paragraph 2 ), you are over discussing the topic. This caused you to use 2 fully developed and related reasons and one under developed and little explored topic. Since the essay will be scored on Cohesiveness and Coherence, you should stick only 2 related discussion topics in a single paragraph. That is not impossible to do. You already did it for the first 2 reasons which are working overtime and stress.  
  
Kindly notice how I restated the original topic without changing the original information. I merely changed the keywords and interpreted the topic based on my understanding of the original topic. Then I used 2 sentences to create my thesis presentation covering the causes and solutions/improvements with regards to the topic.
## survey responses - charts analysis

  
  
The task consists of a bar chart and a pie chart. The bar chart gives the number of responses to questions on a survey of the reasons why these students are taking adult education.  
  
The number of students who are interested in the subject represents the highest number of 40 followed by those who want to achieve qualifications-38  
The third place with 22 people consists of those who believe education is crucial for their current job. A number of 20 students choose to study because they believe education improves promotion prospects and the other 20 students think education is enjoyable.  
  
Students who believe that education can make them able to change jobs - 12 people, and those who believe that education allows them to meet new people - 9 people are the last two categories.  
  
The pie chart shows their opinion on how the school fees should be divided between their employer, the taxpayer, and the student.  
Most people believe that education costs should be paid by individuals-40%. Those who think that the employer should pay the costs of education represent a slightly smaller number-35%.  
  
And 25% think taxpayers should pay the education costs.
## marine creatures for people's entertainment?

  
  
It is true that marine creatures can be transferred from ocean living environments to theme parks for people's entertainment. This trend would introduce both pros and cons, but I think that the drawbacks do outweigh the benefits.  
  
On the one hand, it is clear that removed sea creatures would bring about several advantages. Changing the living environments of the sea animals would help to preserve marine diversity. Nowadays, many sea creatures have been extinct, so in this way, we can protect the ocean's diversity. Not only that, when ocean animals relocate in parks for people's recreation, humans would have more chances to gain knowledge about the oceans. For example, we can go to the aquariums to learn about various types of fishes and how they live.  
  
On the other hand, I argue that the disadvantages of this development would be more important. Firstly, the relocation of creatures in aquariums is inhumane activity. From the distant past to the present day, society always towards benevolence, so this action is against the public standards of morality. For instance, according to modern animal rights, oblige sea animals to leave their natural environments would violate their rights to be protected. Secondly, this development can impact the marine life of the animals relocating to amusement parks. As evident is the change in habits of dolphins. The dolphins have lost almost their natural skills due to the fact that they have been trained for human entertainment.  
  
In conclusion, it is worth considering that there are both strengths and weaknesses of the marine animals which leave their habitat to be relocated in theme parks. On the contrary, the positive aspects are eclipsed by its negative aspects.
Refrain from making factual statements in your presentations in relation to the restatements. You should not do that because you are not being asked to ascertain the accuracy of a given statement in the presentation. Rather, the presentation is only that of a topic sentence, which does not need any verification from the writer. Do not include writing actions that are not part of a proper restatement or response to the discussion question or instructions for the presentation.  
  
As this is an "outweigh" discussion, there is no need to use a comparative discussion format. That is because you already stated a clear singular opinion in response to the discussion question. Both reasoning paragraphs will properly respond to the discussion requirement when you explain or defend only the side that you support or gave credence to in your thesis presentation.  
  
The score is based on the clarity of your explanation of your point of view. You cannot achieve that when you give one opinion, but then try to defend both opinions in the reasoning paragraph. That creates an incoherent discussion presentation. It means your opinion is no longer clear to the reader because you went from believing in one opinion, to seeing the reason for both opinions. Meaning the task accuracy will be scored on an unclear opinion presentation, pulling down the possible score for that section and creating a heavy loss in your final scoring consideration.
IELTS Task2 help me to correct and tell me how to improve (also give me a score if you like )  
  
***In some societies, it is increasingly common to try to achieve good health and fitness through physically demanding sports, special diets, or preventive medicine conventional or alternative. Some people, however, believe that the best way to stay fit and healthy is simply to lead a normal life.***  
  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

  
  
　　With increasing awareness of health, more and more people tend to make extreme changes to improve their health on a daily basis. However, some approve that keeping a normal life is a key to stay healthy, In my opinion, the most important thing for one's health lies in the definition of normal life.  
  
　　First, a proper attitude for keeping fit should take one's body condition into account. The standard of normal life differs from people to people and should pay attention to it that wether has caused harm to the body. A typical instance is that many people have a sedentary lifestyle and unregulated schedule for bedtime. In this result, although people who with the irregular routine consider that as a normal life, both physical and mental condition are impaired day by day.  
  
　　Second, with both medical and technological development grow rapidly, it is not a negative manner to modify people's lifestyle slightly by compound with them. In addition, the environment is highly contaminated and polluted after industrial development which increased the potential risks for human to get fital diseases. To prevent people from being ill and unhealthy, taking the preventive measures, such as routine check from hospital, diet plan from nutritionists and exercise guidance from consultants, are necessary.  
  
　　In conclusion, although staying in a normal life may have merits in some aspects, I still disagree with its ambiguous concept, and I regard people's health would be improved effectively by combining with the high technology which is used properly.
**Scoring is a premium service. Contact us privately. Student scoring = Ban !**  
  
Your essay misses the minimum word count by only one word. That is too bad. Even a single word that makes you come under the word count will have a minimal effect on your TA score. Yes, it is minimal, but a deduction is still a deduction and could affect the final score for your paper in the end. Always write more than 250 words, but less than 300 words. 5 sentences per paragraph will automatically help you achieve the magic word count.  
  
There will be additional TA points deductions in the prompt restatement section as you do not properly respond to the question for the discussion. Rather than an extent response, you provided only an opinion. Such a presentation is a prompt deviation which will be considered non-responsive to the discussion instruction / question provided. You will be score in the TA section on that basis. As such, the TA score will not be in the passing range and could actually help to further prevent your essay from achieving a passing score. That is because of the other scoring considerations where your essay also proves to have significant errors.
## TEM and SEM analysis

  
  
Fig. 1 illustrates the morphological properties of GO, TNT and GO/TNT through TEM and SEM analysis. As shown in Fig. 1(a) and (b), GO appeared with layer structure and each dimensional size about 2-4 micrometer. Fig. 1(c) and (e) indicate that TiO2 nanotubes were successfully fabricated with several hundred nanometers in length and 8 nm in diameter. In the GO/TNT composite, as shown in Fig. 1(d) and (f), the heterojunction between GO and TNT would be generated thanks to the chemical bonding including Ti-C or Ti-O-C. Hence, when irradiation arrived, the easier photoelectrons transferred from TNT to GO, the longer lifetime of excited carriers was prolonged. As a consequence, the photocatalytic performance for degradation of organic pollutants was enhanced [5, 6]. As mentioned in many previous works [7-9], the curling and scrolling process of TiO2 nanosheets during the hydrothermal treatment played a crucial role in the formation of TiO2 nanotubes. Additionally, when in situ composting TNT with GO, TiO2 and GO sheets have a tendency to aggregate and unequally disperse in water due to the hydrogen bond (H-bond) and van der Waals attraction [10, 11]. Therefore, on one hand, the TNT's length in GO/TNT composite was slightly reduced. On the other hand, the specific surface area of GO/TNT was also decreased, as shown in table 1.
It is more difficult to analyze this presentation for correct references and illustrative points because you did not include a copy of the image with the statement. At this point, I will just have to take your word for it and assume that your statements are based on accurate understandings of the illustrative images. You may way to separate these into figure paragraphs though to make it easier for the people to read and compare the content. As it is, the paper is difficult to follow.  
  
What I do sense, is a sort of summarized presentation on your part. Rather than getting into the nitty gritty of the descriptive process, you are taking shortcuts in your presentation. Since I do not have a copy of the image to compare your writing to, I can only assume that you have reasons for doing this. However, just like with any instructional image, it is always best to thresh things out in the long form, rather than hoping that your short form is an accurate enough presentation of the original instructions and analysis.
***In some countries around the world, men and women are having children late in life, what are the reasons for this development?***  
## What are the effects on society and family life?

  
  
It is not uncommon these days for couples to have children late in life. This poses a threat to the world population and can possibly damage the countries' economy and national security. In my point of view, this inevitable trend happens due to the recent rapid economic development.  
  
It seems to me that some married couples are not ready to be parents because they have a lack of parenting skills or face financial pressure. To get ahead of this relentlessly changing world, it takes people's fierce wills and, as a matter of fact, having children could possibly obstruct the course of their success. They would not have time to care for their children and then it leads to their struggle with work-life balance.  
  
An additional reason is that it is a challenge to find a true soul nowadays. In process of globalization, people seemingly have different views about all kinds of things like politics, social problems with which others do not match. Some people have thought that marriage is one of the most important milestones in life. Thus, it would take them a long time to find a suitable partner.  
  
While a large proportion of men and women decide to have children late, this trend causes detrimental effects on society and family life. World population aging is a case in point. It causes a shortage of younger laborers that slows the economic growth. Moreover, the lack of young people in national services plagues the countries' safety. Family life is not an exception. The later people decide to have children, the bigger the age gap between parents and children is. Parents will have a more difficult time harmonizing with their children due to one's perspective differences.
It is not uncommon these days for couples to have children late in life.  
- The essence of the sentence is correct, but the reference point is wrong. It is not "couples" that is referred to in the original, it is "some countries around the world". Therefore, your reference point should be a synonym of the same such as "Internationally, couples are..." or "There is a global trend of..." to name a few replacement references for the phrase.  
  
Good work on your direct responses to the questions. These relevant topic references have clearly shown the examiner that you understood the questions, and will be discussing relevant subjects in the reasoning paragraphs. These will definitely help your TA and C&C scores.  
  
Since you are being asked for your personal reference points, then you did a good job in using first person pronouns to clearly indicate your opinion. A general discussion would have worked, without reference to pronouns, but that would have lessened the impact and clarity of your discussion presentation. This way, the presentation remains cohesive based on the fact that you are making it clear that you are the speaker in the presentation.  
  
This is missing a concluding paragraph. The presentation is open ended. The last paragraph is not an appropriate summary conclusion. Rather, it is an expanded discussion of your personal opinion. The essay would have been better had you decided to not write paragraph 3 anymore, since it is only an addendum to the previous paragraph, which already responded to the question. Instead, the current last paragraph appropriately responds to the second question, thus making the essay more cohesive and offering you a chance to write a more applicable reverse paraphrase.
***Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it.***  
  
## Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

  
  
Modern advertisements can be convincing and prevalent in people's daily life. Although people may have watched them too often to pay any heed, I still agree with those who believe that customers can be easily persuaded to purchase the products promoted in these advertisements.  
  
There are a couple of real-life situations that can cause people to omit the widely-seen advertisements. First, customers could have become familiar with the advertised products, especially those are repeatedly featured in radio jingles, TV commercials, and online pop-ups. Under such circumstances, people naturally get bored and may well turn their attention to somewhere else that is more interesting. Besides, our life is inundated with various advertising formats, such as the billboards, posters, and flyers, but due to a fast-paced life, we may simply do not have enough time to consume the information contained in these advertisements and eventually, develop a habit of ignoring what is being promoted.  
  
However, modern advertisements can be convincing enough to spur a burning desire to own the featured goods among prospective buyers. I can think of two strategies that are being used to achieve this. The first one is to create a fantasy that using certain items can make our life more glorious. For example, we always see sportswear, cosmetics, and luxurious brands endorsed by celebrities. This leaves us an impression that we can live an ideal life like those famous people if we use the same products. At the same time, the advertisement designers utilize all sorts of techniques to make their advertised products visually and aesthetically appealling. They masterfully coordinate lights, colours, and backdrops to make the products so attractive that normally we cannot wait to buy and use ourselves.  
  
In conclusion, we may not pay attention to advertisements due to familiarity and a busy lifestyle, but I believe that modern advertisements can be rather effective at encouraging us to purchase things, as they create a dream life that we long for and attract us sensually.
In the restatement paragraph, you should represent both public opinions from the original presentation. This is a requirement that will help you produce a more accurate representation of the original prompt and its discussion requirements. It is alright for you to support an opinion from the very start, provided you properly support it in the 3 reasoning paragraphs.  
  
Your format is inappropriate as it does not use 3rd person references when discussing the general points of view for both parties, thus making it questionable as to whose opinion is being presented. You cannot use first person group pronouns throughout the essay because your opinion is to be presented separately as per the diacussion instructions. Represent the public opinion explanations first. Your personal opinion requires its own paragraph based on the 3 discussion format for this essay.