dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
ERWS, you are supposed to be writing a singular opinion paper based upon the prompt requirements. You were to choose one side of the discussion to side with and defend. By writing about 2 opinions, you end up writing counter to the instructions of the prompt. There is no clear representation of your opinion in the opening statement which could have been the solid foundation of the succeeding prompt discussions. Due to these problems with your opening statement, you task accuracy would have a band level of 3. There is a clear misunderstanding of the prompt and its requirements. As such, you ended up depicting the wrong paraphrasing of the prompt and also failed to accurately discuss the requirements of the discussion. That is why I hesitate to rate the rest of your essay in terms of coherence and cohesion, lexical resource, and grammar accuracy. None of the succeeding brackets would have properly represented the discussion you were required to render an opinion of. Therefore, you would get an overall failing mark for this essay, I would like to give you an opportunity to revise the content to become more prompt adherent instead of failing you in all the brackets. Please try to develop a new essay based on the same prompt. This time, using only one opinion throughout the essay.
Hi Daubu,  
  
The contemporary society ~~have~~has witnessed significant (...), especially ~~advertisement industry .~~industry of advertisement.  
... aforementioned fields have ~~drawn~~paid~~enomous~~an enormously attention from  
From my perspective, both positive and negative aspects are recognised effortlessly ... (well, I think for the last sentence it is better if you state what the positive effect and vice versa)  
  
~~In conclusion , prevalence of this industry bring pragmatic value to society , however , ...~~  
  
This paragraph is too short and not clear. It is suggested that you should write at least 3 sentences in each paragraph. Subsequently, the word however is followed by subject verb.
One of the daily activity of some people is sitting 9.3 hours a day. This activity makes the negative influence in healthy of someone which many diseases like breast cancer and colon cancer, heart disease, and type two diabetes which the percentage are 10 percent, 6 percent, 7 percent. Therefore, the one and main solution to reduce the negative impact of over sitting is walking more in anytime and anywhere, because the fresh air will mobilize fresh thinking and finally give some new ideas in the brain, also the walking in the way make us in order to respect to others people in their environment.  
  
Source : TED
One of the daily activity ACTIVITIES EVERY ONE OF ALWAY FOLLOWED BY PLURAL of some people is ...  
This activity makes ~~the~~ negative ~~influence~~ IMPACT in healthy of someone which IS many diseases ~~like~~ SUCH AS breast cancer and colon (...), and type two TWO TYPES diabetes which the percentage ... (AGAIN TOO LONG SENTENCE)  
  
Therefore , ( IT IS ONLY FOR CONTRASTING) the one and main solution ...
**Hi Miss Yurike..  
I have read your summary closely. Honestly, you still make errors grammatically. Besides that, you presented vague sentences so that readers were confused to understand your mind. You are supposed to reread your sentence to make you sure what you write can represent your mind. Another improvement which you need is pick up linking words appropriately to ease the readers understand this.**  
  
One of the daily ~~activity~~ ACTIVITIES ~~of~~ BY some people is sitting FOR 9.3 hours a day. This activity ~~makes~~ CAUSES the negative ~~influence~~ EFFECT ~~in~~ ON healthy ~~of someone which~~ BECAUSE IT CAN APPEAR many diseases like (...), and type two diabetes ~~which the~~ WITH percentage ~~are~~ AT 10 percent, 6 percent, AND 7 percent RESPECTIVELY. Therefore, ~~the~~ one and main solutionS to reduce the negative (...) and anywhere~~,~~ because the fresh air will mobilize ~~fresh thinking~~ THOUGHT TO BE MORE FRESH and finally give ~~some~~ new ideas in the brain, ~~also the~~ AND walking ~~in~~ WITH SURROUNDING ~~the way~~ A BLOCK make us ~~in order to~~ respect to others ~~people in their environment.~~ AROUND OUR HOME.
Hello Yuri, it's my correction for you.  
  
~~One of the daily~~ activity of some people ...  
..., and type two diabetes which ~~the percentage are~~ 10 percent, 6 percent, 7 percent. >> One of many daily activity of some people ...  
... negative influence in healthy to someone which many ...  
  
when you write please using a good grammar and uncommon vocabulary, and don't out of topic.
Hi Yuri, here's another one from my end.  
  
- One of the daily activity ~~of~~that some  
- people do, is sitting 9.3 hours a day.  
- This activity ~~makes the~~gives a negative influence  
- in ~~healthy of~~ someone's health  
- which may result to several~~many~~ diseases  
- like breast cancer ~~and~~, colon cancer,  
- Therefore, ~~the~~ one and main solution  
- ~~in~~at anytime and anywhere,  
- ~~in~~to the brain,  
- also ~~the~~ walking ~~in~~is the  
- way we make ~~us in~~ order ~~to~~and respect to other~~s~~ peoples~~in their~~ environment.  
  
There you have it Yuri, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and for future writing reference, mind the construction of your sentences and make sure that it transcends the idea that you're trying to convey to your readers.
HI,there are several mistake i found in your summary.  
1.One of the ~~daily activity~~daily activities~~of~~ by some people is sittingfor 9.3 hours a day. ---> singular/plural  
2. That activity ~~makes~~causes the negative ~~influence~~impact in healthy of someone which ...  
3. Therefore, the ~~one and~~ main solution to reduce (...) walking more ~~in~~ at anytime and anywhere, (...) ideas in the brain,also the walking in the way make us ~~in order to~~ respect to others people in their environment. ---> not make sense sentence
**we live today in an electronic information age. It is easier to be connected by technology yet many people seem no closer to feeling happy in their lives.**  
  
Discuss  
  
With the tremendous development of the technologies, it seems as if people are having the quality life and they appears to be happy in their life as they are teemed with the technologies. However, the reality is different. The excessive use of such technology has hampered the life of people, and people are being despondent in this new era of development.  
  
The advent of internet has created the excessive abuse of the resources. People are more focused in sitting in the computer rather than performing their work. It has not only created lethargy in people but also many mental disorder among the people. Prolonged sitting in front of the computer renders eye problem and also creates many more anxiety in the people.  
  
Similarly, use of such technology makes people introvert so that they are only obsessive to the computer. The socialization of human beings is easily hampered with such technology. One can not be fully socialized when he sits at the corner of a house. Person must speak to other in order to be more socialized, they have to talk face to face, share their feelings at the time of meeting which makes some meaning. To illustrate this, let me take my own experience. I was totally infatuated with a girl, and I used facebook to purpose her, but she did not give any response. I planned to tell the same thing during our visit, she gave me the positive answer. What I want to show that head to head conversation is more reliable than the far distance communication.  
  
The another more obvious reason is that the privacy of the person gets disclosed, which may creates different problems. The criminal activities can be easily pervasive in such case. The position, lifestyle, and any other everyday work can be known through such technology. This technology also brings stranger closer, and finally that vary stranger might hamper you by disclosing your private lifestyle.  
  
In sum, though the technology has brought the people to feel closer, yet there are many more risk that the vary technology can seriously damage your good living life.
Utsav, you did really well in the opening statement portion of your essay. You were able to successfully paraphrase your prompt and present a cohesive foundation for your succeeding discussion. The problem, is that you tried to over extend your discussion. You were pretty much on track with the discussion up till the the end of the 3rd paragraph. Then you began to change the direction of your discussion in a manner running alter to the prompt requirements in paragraph 4. Due to the alteration in direction, your task accuracy fell from a possible 7 to a 5. The rest of your discussion suddenly related to cyber security, which is not exactly relevant to the prompt requirements and expected response. So the overall essay score would fall within the 5 range because of the accidental change of topic discussion in your essay. Remember, it is better to present a short essay that is within the minimum word requirement than it is to keep on talking just because you want to use more words which unintentionally changes the discussion focus of your essay. Keeping your essay short will not hurt you. Just make sure you always express yourself in at least 250 words.
*Hello Mister Alfin..  
I have read your summary closely. This is so short, but you still make the same mistakes grammatically. I suggest you reread your summary before you upload so that you can reduce your fault. You are supposed to learn again about the conjunction. Sometimes you confuse readers because you place the conjunction inappropriately. Besides that, make sure what you write is like what in your mind.Please, deal with my notes. GOOD LUCK*  
  
The ~~world~~ tallest water slide IN THE WORLD ~~named~~ IS NAMELY Verruckt~~, which means~~ HAVING MEANING "insane" in LANGUAGE OF GermanY. Recently, ~~It was killed ten years old boy when operate,~~ THAT PUBLIC FACILITY MADE A TEN-YEAR-OLD BOY DEAD, NAMELY Caleb Schwab. ~~Because~~ OWING TO that accident, the water (...) investigate ~~was~~ IS finishED~~,~~ .  
  
... ride with ANother DEVICE in the future.
Hi Alfin, I somehow notice a pattern here, a pattern of very short summaries, though it should not be an issue as it is a summary essay, but in this case, you need to make sure that a short essay should be written in a way where all the elements of the essay is still very evident. As I mentioned before, you tend to write shorter essays, which sometimes is good but for some reason, this one is not really within the range of covering the elements of a well written essay.  
  
Having said that, below are my thoughts.  
  
- The worlds tallest water slide (...) "insane" in German~~. R~~r ecently~~, It was~~ killed a ten year~~s~~ old boy ~~when operate~~named , Caleb Schwab.  
- ~~Because that~~Due to the accident,  
- the water slide will probably ~~will~~ be closed  
- after ~~investigate was~~the investigation is finished.  
- The amusement park management said that they  
- ... alter the ride with other rides in the future.  
  
There you have it Alfin, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and should there be any other projects you may tackle in the future, you have to note that a summary can be short but it should have a complete thought.
1. The world tallest water slide ...  
**The tallest water in the whole world is Verruct. As such, it has its own meaning which is "insane" from German language.**  
  
2. Recently, It was killed ten years old boy ...  
Well, you mention recently here so it should use present perfect tense instead of past, and because is followed by subject verb.  
  
**Recently, in this place, Caleb Schwab, an operator, has been died because of such accident.**
It is true that crime are increasing rapidly in everywhere around the world. Many people consider that there is no measure for tackling with this issue.Personally, I do not agree with this point of view.  
  
To begin with, the government is not strict enough to deter . The law is promulgated by the government, but it is not strong enough to make criminals feel scare. Take as an example, in Vietnnam when a robber is catched , he will be punished three or five years in prison. After that he go back to the society and continue to commit crimes, it is clear that this is not completely effective. On the one hand , they know the laws, but they still do. It is too weak for them to break the law. At the moment, the government must be strict and the laws have to be stronger.  
  
The second important thing to help crime go down is the family. Especially, teenagers are often involved in criminal activities. They come from families where do not have a happy marriage life. Their parents wrangle with each other everyday, therefore they are boring to stay at home. In another side, their parents are too busy earning money and can not pay attention to what they do. These parents often provide the children with everything they want. However, these ways are not good for children to be a good person. Teenagers are very sensitive and they are easily enticed by social evils, therefore the parents must spend more time with them, try to understand whatever they need and help them with their problems, surely the parents can control the children in order not to do bad things.  
  
Last but not least, improving the social media can help decrease crime. The website on the internet and television directly and immediately influence on the people. When they watch some black websites, violents,and so on they want to imitate . That is why the censorship must be strict to can not social media and prevent people the bad effects of it. If these is no violent programs, the viewers will be good citizens.  
  
To sum up, we can prevent or decrease crime if the government the family and the social took the most measures the government must be stronger in the law, the family should take really good care of children and the social media have to be control stricter.
Hi,there are several suggestions for you.  
1. Divided your summary in 4 parts.  
- Introduction including paraphrase the question and your personal statement.  
-Body 1 : explain more about the reason why you are agree with the notion. ( Although you have a tendency to agree, you should also explain about the disagree )  
  
- Body 2: explain why you are agree with the statement,in this paragraph consist of main idea, supporting sentence, example and the result.  
- Conclusion. It is really important because can boost your score.  
2.It is true that crime ~~are~~ is increasing rapidly ...  
3.After that (put comma ) he go back to (...), it is clear that this is ~~not~~ completely ineffective.  
4. The second important t~~hing~~aspect [/fon t]/element to help crime go ...
**Hi son, let me help you to give you such feedback.  
well, just try your first sentence with the short ones. I think that it can be no more than ten words in order to looking more appealing.**  
  
It is true that crime are increasing ...  
  
*Crime is one of the main subjects of most news programs in the whole world. As seen, crime is a bad phenomenon that appears to be true in all ages and it is prevalent until nowadays. For some people, there is no short-ways to tackle this problem, but nevertheless it is not always true. In my opinion, it is claimed that community service is a way to reform offenders.*
Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses.  
  
**Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender ?**  
  
It is often claimed that males and females have got different type of abilities and shortcomings. I personally hold the opinion that it is wrong to treat them in workplace because of their gender.  
  
In today's world both men and women have the equally rights in education, public and organizations. In other words, both of them can have access to the same educational opportunities, this means that they can have the same professional and educational skills. To illustrate, In the UK there are similar numbers of male and female students in higher education. In addition, now women can compete with men in any kind of field even in sport. For instance, they were often employed as secretaries or receptionists, but today they are able to even be a supervisor or strong politicians. Nevertheless, traditionally women have been restricted to certain roles such as builder or fireman.  
  
On the other hand, still it is widely believed that both of sexes have got inequally talents and disabilities. In fact, it can be observed that in military services mainly men are employed as a result of their aggressive and brave character, whereas women are often employed in kindergarden and schools. Therefore, there have certain jobs which only one of the gender member do it perfectly. For instance, males are good at army as a soldier while females are better in hospitals as a nurse and in primary schools as a teacher. Nonetheless, in our modern life it is unfair discriminate them because of their sexes, since they can do anything at the same quality as their opponent gender do.  
  
To sum up, it seems to me that it is true both of them have got pros and cons, but nowadays a wide range of occupations are available to both gender and also career success depends on individual merit.
Abror, is this a topic that you chose by yourself to discuss? Or was this a topic assigned for discussion in class? The prompt doesn't seem complete to me. There seem to be some missing elements in the instructions that I can see reflected in your response. Would it be too much of a bother for you to post the complete prompt? That is if the instructions were given in class and is not something that you just chose to discuss. Your task accuracy score will depend upon it.  
  
In the general review of your essay though, I would have to say that you did a pretty good job of defending your stance. However, you should try to always do your comparison of the skills of men and women in the same field. Take for example, your discussion about gender roles in the military. Both the men and women already fight on the front lines of the battle field. Therefore, it is wrong for you to say that men work better in the battlefield and the women work better in the background. You need to increase your knowledge of world events and gender discussions in order to better and more accurately develop your gender discussions. Use of no longer applicable information, such as the case of the military example could have an adverse effect on your score as well.
**Prison is the best punishment for criminals, to what extent do you agree?**  
  
It is largely argued that the most effective way to punish offenders is putting them in jails. I completely agree with this statement.  
  
In my opinion, prison is the best sort of punishment for a number of reasons. First, by putting law-breakers in the prison we ensure the safety of our society. What this means is that criminal will not be able to commit further crimes if they are kept in jails. Secondly, in custody prisoners are prepared to be better citizens when they are released. For example, a huge number of prisons apply the rehabilitation programme, in which prisoners receive education and learn some valuable life skills. Finally, long prison sentences can deter offenders from re-offending crimes again. Because they will realise the value of freedom, therefore, they will think again before breaking the law in the future.  
  
The alternatives to imprisonment would be much less effective. One option would be to apply fines as punishment for crimes. The downside of this method is that some wealthier might deliberately commit offences when they feel they can easily afford the price. Another option would be to require offenders to do community service. Although this way of punishment might be considered to be beneficial for society, but it also could be downright risky. Because we cannot trust the behaviours of not rehabilitated criminals, thus, by doing this we endanger the community.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that the best punishment for criminals is to imprison them, and that all other alternatives are unreliable.
Mohammed, please review your summary overview. It is going to get a failing mark in an actual test because of the extreme shortness of your summary. The standard overview is composed of 3 sentences at a minimum. You have only one sentence, which is definitely in violation of the rules. The highest score you can get in terms of task accuracy would most likely be a 4. Keep in mind that you have to paraphrase the original prompt and as such, you have the opportunity to express the prompt in an original manner, within the minimum sentence requirement. Don't waste your chance to get a high score in the first part of the test. Make sure you deliver on the paraphrased prompt requirement.  
  
In relation to that, you have also presented the same problem with your conclusion. There is no proper paragraph development. Instead, you have a single sentence that does not properly recap the essay prompt, your discussion, and closing statement. While you have the possibility of scoring a 5 in the remaining sections of the test, the problem with your opening statement and closing statement is enough to pull down your final score.  
  
Review the other essays here and look at how it was developed. Don't take shortcuts. Be as thorough as you can in the opening and closing statement because any mistakes in those areas will have a grave effect on your final score.
HI,below through my advice for you.  
1. Always bare in your mind  
- Introduction (including paraphrase the question your own word a, overview, and also give personal  
statement ). because your introduction sentence too short.  
- Body 1 ( explore more about why you agree )  
- Body 2 ( explain more about the background why you disagree )  
2. In my viewpoint, better if you use one idea paragraph, so you can develop you idea and it more flexible to add some essential information.  
  
3. However , The alternatives to imprisonment ...
***Some people believe that living in big cities is becoming more difficult. Others believe that it is getting easier. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.***  
  
In the present time, large towns become the predominant living places chosen by many people who chase their ambitions. While some people believe that being urban immigrant is becoming more challenging, others think the converse opinion. In my point of view, regardless living cost, dwelling in major city makes people get a better education easily.  
  
Living expenses is believed as worrying issue by some metropolitan people. Some people think that living cost is difficult to fulfil. Taking an article from times magazine for an example, living cost in some large cities such as London, Hamburg and California is skyrocketing in recent years, making people hard to afford their daily needs. This also leads to the increasing numbers of the homeless. As consequence, many people think that dwelling in big cities is hard.  
  
Although people have to spend much money dwelling in large town, I believe that the difficulties of living in urban area are encountered by some counter-arguments. There are plenty of education opportunities in major cities. Several prestigious tertiary educational institutions are centred in these urban area. Students will get their better education experiences in major cities. According to Professor Ivan, head of MIT department of urban studies and Planning, several big cities are designed to become education centre area in order to attract more students. Therefore, many people choose to live in large town due to its easiness to get proper education.  
  
In conclusion, even though settling in large cities will bring up several difficulties, I believe that the urban life difficulties will be far outweighed by the merits of living in urban area. (266 Words)