dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
It is almost as if the student did not bother to read the discussion instruction before writing this essay. While I believe that he read the whole prompt, he did not read the writing instructions for the essay. The opinion presented is incorrect as he has opted use an A/D discussion where the actual writing instruction was that of a measured opinion presentation. Therefore, the writing format is incorrect and will receive a failing score for the most part. He failed to accurately address the task. The discussion format was not met in his overall presentation. Therefore, while he will receive minimal scoring for the LR and GRA sections, he cannot receive any passing marks for the TA and C+C sections. This is due to the incorrect discussion slant of his presentation. The lack of proper understanding with regards to the writing instructions caused the failure of this essay.
The graph demonstrates the figures for oil which was consumed and produced in China over the course of 24 years from 1982 to 2006.   
  
Overall, it is obvious that there was an upward trend in China's oil consumption and production over the years. However, the rising speed of consumption was much faster than that of production.   
  
At the year of 1982 the figures for oil consumption and production were fairly equal at 2 million barrels per day. However, while the rate of oil consumption remained unchanged over 8 years at the figures around 2 million barrels per day, oil production witnessed a significant upward trend to 3 million barrels per day before staying constant until 1990.   
  
From 1990 to 2006, the amount of oil that was consumed made a breakthrough and reached the peak at 6 million in 2006. Meanwhile, the figures for oil production continued to increase, but only marginally and finally end up at to approximately 3.5 million barrels per day, which was 3.5 times smaller than that of consumption.  
  
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The writer must make an effort to create a properly formatted summary overview. This is accomplished by writing at least 3 individual infomation sentences in the paragraph, with the last 2 sentences representing the high and low of the graph. The trending sentences need not be separated from the summary overview as the correct format for the first paragraph follows the following set-up:  
  
Summary overview + Trending statement = Comprehensive summary report  
  
The separated summary overview and trending statement is only a tutoring tool that is meant to help the student keep track of the information requirements per paragraph. The student should be able to write a comprehensive paragraph as he progresses to show his increased writing ability for the task 1 essay. He should eventually be consolidating the summary report + trending scenario in one paragraph.  
  
A 4 paragraph presentation is only useful in increasing the score of the presentation when there are 2 images present. 4 paragraphs allows for a more comprehensive analysis and report. For single images, the 3 paragraph format is more than sufficient and helps to add to the scoring potential of the essay. The writer should learn to analyze when to use the 4 paragraph and 3 paragraph presentations for increased score targeting.  
  
The writer is constantly writing in run-on mode with some fragments thrown in. These will adversely affect the final GRA and C+C score as the paragraphs lack analytical clarity and proper information separation. The writer must strive to present clearer sentences and more efficient paragraph formatting.
Topic:  
## Now big cities have many problems.

  
***What are these problems? Do you think the government should encourage city residents to move to small cities and towns?***  
  
Nowadays, many metropolises have faced with a number of issues, and the authorities should persuade their citizens to migrate to rural areas or smaller cities.  
  
There are some problems happening in big cities. Firstly, natural environment has become seriously in negative way as more. Individuals from other places tend to move to major cities which is the promise land for job opportunity, so exhaust gases such as Carbon dioxide from their private vehicle or daily activities has contributed to air contamination. For example, Ho Chi Minh City and Hanoi City are two largest urbans in Vietnam which always hit the air hazardous level, compared to another provinces. Secondly, the rapid increase of crime rate is the biggest concern. Even though career options in these cities are various, it is also competitive and unemployed people are likely to sins for living. For instance, big state in United States - California possesses a third highest robbery rate according to Wikipedia.  
  
Hence, government should encourage urban people to live in minor cities and towns. The first reason is that environmental issues can be improved. Lower density population would reduce car, motorbike, and allow plants to have time for transformation waste gases. Index of atmosphere during Tet holiday in Ho Chi Minh City, when everyone back to their hometown, turns green indicated good quality. Besides, this is a good chance for rural areas to grow the economy. Companies, industries in small cities are often underdeveloped due to lack of well-training employees.  
  
In conclusion, big cities have a lot of problems in these days, and the state should come up with conviction for movement of civilians to another provinces and town due to many reasons mentioned above.
The prompt restatement + Personal opinion paragraph will receive a failing score because:  
  
1. It presents itself as a run-on sentence.  
2. It does not answer the 2 part question to deliver a writer's opinion that can be scored. Instead, he merely repeats the discussion questions.  
  
These errors alone will be enough to assure the writer of a failing score at the end as she shows a lack of ability to follow the discussion instructions and correct paragraph presentation format.  
  
The reasoning paragraphs do not follow the correct information presentation either which should have been:  
1. Present the problem as the topic sentence  
2. Explain why this is a problem.  
3. Provide an example of the problem  
4. Indicate a possible solution to the said problem  
5. Explain why the solution is going to work  
  
By using the Cause+Effect+Solution discussion presentation, the writer will deliver a well developed, clearly explained, and cohesive paragraph presentation every time.
## Summarize the chart information

  
  
The bar chart illustrates how many jobless women in some nations of United Kingdom between 2013 and 2014.  
  
Overall, there was a decline in the percentage of unemployed women in both years. In addition, the proportion of unemployed women in the year 2013 was generally higher compared to the figure for unemployed females in England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland in 2014  
  
In 2013, the share of women who are jobless in England was at 6.8%, higher than that of unemployed women in Scotland and Northern Ireland, at 6.1% and 5.6% respectively. Meanwhile, Wales had the lowest unemployment rate of women among the four nations (5.4%).  
  
In the following year , Scotland surpassed all four countries and had the highest unemployment rate, at 6.7%. Conversely, the rate of unemployed females in Northern Ireland was the lowest (4.6%), lower than that of unoccupied women in England and Wales at 6.5% and 5% respectively.  
  
(152 words)  
  
What band can I have for this writting task 1? Pls let me know. Thanks!  
  
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The writer has not written enough words to allowthe examiner to completely assess his English report writing skills. While he met the minimum word requirement, a full assessment can be carried out only if at least 1275 words are written. The current wordcount severely limits the scoring considerations overall.  
  
The summary presentation is improperly presented as it first assumes a qquestion presentation before shifting to a factual statement It is grammatically incorrect and confuses the reader in terms of actual thought presentation. The presentation also shows LR weakness as it uses the word "between" when the more appropriate term is "within ".  
  
The paragraphs do not represent the correctsentence requirement of 3-5 sentences. The lack of expanded sentence presentation proves limited analytical abilities  
  
\* Contact me privately for essay scoring review.
## films rented and sold

  
  
The graph illustrates the number of films rented and sold in a variety of formats during the period of ten years, starting in 2002.  
Overall, the number of rentals and VHS sales experienced gradual drops throughout the years. Meanwhile, the opposite was true to the sale of DVD and blue-ray films.  
  
In 2002, the figure for rented films started at over 180 thousand a year and started to plummet to nearly 60 thousand in the year of 2011. Similarly, VHS sales saw a dramatic decrease from 85 thousand in 2002 to its lowest point of 10 thousand in 2005 before paving the way for the other forms of films.  
  
Between 2002 and 2007, it can be seen that DVD was the most preferred form of films which experienced a remarkable increase from nearly 50 thousand to over 200 thousand in terms of sales followed by a slight decrease over the next 5 years. Blue-ray films began to be included in the four formats in 2007 with 2 thousand versions sol;d, and slightly went up to over 5 thousand in 2011.
As there are several types of graphs used in a task 1 essay, the summary presentation should use a graph type identifier (line, row bar, column bar, etc.) for specific image reference purposes. That will help the summary presentation achieve a clearer pre-report analysis clarity. While it is definitely easier to refer to "10 years" but, it is too simplistic and will not help increase the LR score.Try to use a more advanced alternate word. "Decade" is the go to alternate but other references like decennary would also work. Since this is a reporting essay, more complex vocabulary should be present.  
  
in the year  
This should reference a steady decline in measurement so "by the year " would have been the more appropriate measurement reference phrase. At this point, it has become clear to me that the writer needs more LR and GRA skills development.
## The consumption of fish and different kinds of meat in a European country

  
  
The line graph illustrates the amount of fish and various types of meat consumed in European country between 1979 and 2004.  
Overall,it is apparent that the amount of beef,lamb and fish consumed decrease while chicken witnessed a slight increase from 1979 to 2004.  
The number of beef comsumed per person started at around 220 grams followed by chicken and lamb(stood at 150 grams and nearly 150 grams) and fish(about 50 grams).  
  
Within the first 5 years(from 1979 to mid-1984) the figures of chicken grew sightly whereas it is opposite of anothers.From mid-1984 to 2004 witnessed downward trend of fish and beef,hit the lowest point about below 50grams and 100grams per person per week.In contrast,the amount of chicken continued rose considerably and peak at over 200grams per person per week.After the decline in lamb in mid-1984,there was a fluctuation above 100grams in the early 1989 to 2004.Whereas,a significant increase of 100grams in the figures of chicken and reach a highest point of nearly 250grams per person per week in the years 2004.  
  
In summary, people started consuming more chicken than beef and lamb and the fish consumption remained almost the same.
It is not enough to merely meet the word count in a task 1 essay. While there are ample words written, there will still be formatting deductions due to lack of clear writing references in the presentation. The writer cannot offer 2 summaries in this report. The summary is provided at the beginning, in the first paragraph, not at the end. There is also only 1 trending statement section, also in the 1st paragraph. There cannot be 2 trending references either. A task 1 essay does not require a concluding summary, which I believe the writer was trying to refer to in this essay. That is a task 2 requirement.  
  
Bear in mind that the data presented comes from a previous report. It has already taken place.Therefore the present tense reference cannot be used anymore. All references must indicate previously reported data via past tense usage.  
  
The essay does not meet the correct 3 paragraph requirement.The writer must learn to properly group his presentation to create the perfect 3 paragraph analysis. This is a somewhat promising start. At least the writer shows an effort to meet the task requirements. He just needs more guidance to achieve it.
***The shortage of housing in big cities can cause severe consequences. Only government action can solve this problem.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
Lack of accommodation is one of the challenges that urban areas are faced with, which is believed to be solved by nobody other than the government. I disagree with this belief and argue that such a problem requires collective effort from not only policymakers, but also non-governmental bodies.  
  
Compelling arguments can be made that companies and individuals are also responsible for allomeriating the pressure on housing that overpopulation inflicts on big cities. Firstly, the former can contribute by relocating offices and branches from the inner city to the outskirts. By doing so, population density will be spread as employees will migrate to live closer to their workplace. Concerning the latter, I believe that individual cooperation is instrumental in coping with almost every problem, housing shortage included. One of the things people can do is to adopt living arrangements that utilize houses or apartments, consequently optimizing the scarce living space available in compact cities. For instance, students attending the same schools or single workers being employed in the same company can share an appartment instead of seperate houses, which geometrically reduces the room needed to accommodate the same number of people.  
  
I do admit that governments has a crucial role in addressing the housing problem. This is because only they can conduct large-scale measures that results in far-fetch changes. However, government endeavours will not be as successful as they would should they be carried out in conjunction with other members of society. To illustrate, a tactic to sooth accommodation scarcity that urban planners often employ is to build residential skyscrappers, which is intuitively plausible. However, unless people opt for sharing schemes, the rooms available can only accommodate half of the tenants they are capable of taking in.  
  
In conclusion, despite the fact that the role of governments is irreplaceable in combating housing shortage, those ordinary people and companies are comparably significant.
The writer should have separated the discussion topic and the basis for the topic. These are 2 different subjects that needed 2 separate restatements. His opinion is also flawed as he does not offer an extent response. Rather than arguing, since nobody is opposing him but asking for his opinion instead, the correct response format would have been "to the extent that" prior to his reasoning platform. He will lose accuracy points due to the incorrect format of his response.  
  
He has over discussed his first reasoning paragraph causing an imbalance in the reasoning paragraphs. One is more developed than the other in terms of explanation and example. The end result will be a lower c + c score and overall rating.
***Many people feel violent media encourages real-life violence among young people.***  
## What are the causes? What are the solutions?

  
  
Violent mainstream seems ubiquitous in today's society. Accordingly, many worry that it can stimulate practical violence among young adults. I would argue that parental negligence and ignorance in censorship are the main catalysts of youth violence. Perhaps this phenomenon would be limited if parents pay adequate attention to their children in conjunction with carefully censoring from the government.  
  
The lack of parental responsibility and carefully censoring movie content can cause overexposure to violent media. Most movies today have some form of physical violence like brutal murder, communal riots, and rape to satisfy the need of experiencing the thrills of audiences. Meanwhile, parents subjectively suppose that children are still immature, so they will not pay much attention and imitate those scenes of violence. And even if they are curious, there are parents around to prevent them from extreme acts. Besides, the government always considers that teenagers are always under the supervision of their parents, as follows, it is not essential to limit aggressive scenes that boost movie-grossing. Without any prohibition, these adolescents are likely to be exposed to crime and brutality at a very young age and start believing that it is alright to resort to violence.  
  
Strict censorship and family education are two measures to reduce this issue. The government must vigorously brush off violent scenes. The young should be educated about the reality of violent behavior, and how it can impact themselves and others. Parents should also encourage their children to form healthier relationships with their peers instead of spending time watching movies.  
  
In recapitulation, carelessly monitoring by parents and government is the prominent result of violent media. However, with the involvement of both authority and parents, the situation can be reduced.
The first sentence is not a reflection of the original prompt. It is an observation of violent portrayals in the media, which is the writer's personal opinion. It should not be contained in the prompt restatement portion. Next time, place such observations in your personal opinion presentation or thesis sentence. Know where to place a personal opinion so that it can help increase, rather than decrease your score. In this case, it works to decrease the score.  
  
You do not need to argue with anyone in this statement. There is no opposing opinion for you to contradict. Where no contradicting reason exists, the writer should merely state his opinion, without any exaggerations that will result in score downs due to improper response formatting. This is a discussion since an idea is presented without any opposing views. Do not argue where it is not necessary, required, nor implied.  
  
The above observations are the main problem points of the presentation. The discussion paragraphs themselves are well developed and presented. The concluding summary is a proper summary that uses the correct paragraph format.
## "Learning is best done at one's own pace"

  
This quote would definitely be widely accepted. Still, the current method of teaching students in schools does not follow this at all.  
  
In schools, the concepts taught to the students are at the teachers' comfort, pace, and style of teaching. Still, nor are two fingers the same, neither the teachers, adding one more variable to the already many. This highlights two major flaws in today's systems, diversity in teaching methods and diversity in students' capacities. Every student in a class is bound to the teacher's teaching style and pacing of the topic, A coaching class or private tuition helps solve the problem.  
  
In private tuition, students get to learn the same concept from two people in two different lights. The student definitely benefits from this. he or she may even ask for multiple repetitions of the topic with less strict time constraints, unlike in schools. Teachers in schools too try and follow suit, but lack behind because of the huge number of children and an even more amount of administrative work. School teachers too try providing multiple repetitions, but the large number of students are just extremely hard to cater to.  
  
In coaching institutions, the atmosphere is near school-like, but with a big difference. Coaching institutions provide students with constant tests, engraving the topic in their minds. This not only does help the students to retain knowledge for longer but also allows them to have more time for extracurricular topics. Coaching institutes being better funded than private tuitions, divert more attention to better faculty, recreation, et cetera. This allows them to provide better results overall.  
  
This is why students joining private tuitions or coaching institutes generally show improved results and better knowledge and understanding of topics when compared to students dependent solely on schools. Doing so also follows the quote "Don't put all your eggs in one basket", where the basket being the schools. having multiple sources of knowledge and learning are never bad and instead might help if anyone's doubts aren't being solved in either of the places.  
  
Now, even both cases do not solve the main problem completely. In both solutions mentioned are teachers involved, bringing forth the same issue with the schools. And the answer to that would be, tuition and coaching nor were neither will be meant as a replacement for schools, they exist only to help students solve their doubts and allow them to "learn at their own pace".
When opening with a quote, do not forget to add to the impact or drama of your opening statement by referring to the person you have quoted and how his background lends itself to the application of the text in your context. This will help create a more marked and analytical opening for your speech. You can do a lot with the citation if you know how to use the background of the source for impact. Prove the validity of the quote in terms of the topic being discussed. Right now, the quote is relevant but lacking in a strong impression.  
  
Doing so also follows the quote "Don't put all your eggs in one basket", where the basket being the schools.  
What does the quote represent in this case? You cannot just say the school is the basket. What concept does it represent and why should all the possible learning possibilities be placed in schools?  
  
There are portions of the essay that need to be corrected for grammar. Even with the editing needed, the essay still represents an interesting and somewhat strong argument for private institutions.
the topic of this essay is really good and its one of the common thing we get to see these days. but the fact that the information gven in both the place are same. it may vary in the way they present, but except that nothing changes. so i think that if the school teachers try to approach students in a different way, i am not saying them copy what private tutions do, but in a unique and still more better way then something would change. because i believe school teachers are the ones who see us and know us better than tutions teachers as we specnd most of ur time in schools