dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## *Overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems.*

  
**Identify one or two serious ones and suggest ways that governments and individual should tackle these problems.**  
  
Generally, city appears to be an appealing place to live. Of course, higher income, better education, a more vibrant life than rural areas become an irresistible attraction to entice numerous new residents. This is blamed for an enormous rate of overpopulation. The rapid growth of population in city badly afflicts its environment. There is an urgent need to solve this problem through reducing pollution and garbage disposal.  
  
Overcrowding in urban area leads to an increasing number of vehicles for commuting which is accused of causing a vast amount of exhaust fume in the air. Consequently, citizens become vulnerable to long-term health problem, especially causing bronchitis and diminishing lung functions. Also, the tiny bit of soot results in dirty cityscape and increasing average temperature in city. Furthermore, food waste issue stems from overpopulation. Specifically, food waste which accounts for major daily domestic waste emits a toxic greenhouse gas, called methane. Seriously, this harmful emission has a negative impact on climate change and causes death.  
  
In order to address the above issues, the government should encourage city residents to commute by public transport. To fulfil this desire, however, the public transportation system has to be modern and comprehensive. Additionally, public transport will use electricity from clean sources such as hydropower, solar energy and wind power which will not generate emission. Other solution for this is covering city with more vegetation and trees to provide shades, purify their air by trapping carbon and other pollutant and enhance citizen's quality of life. Furthermore, encouraging individual composting food waste at home would be a far more successful approach to protect our environment as well as to reduce the authorities' pressure on waste disposal.  
  
In sum, overpopulation brings serious problem to our life. However, there are available solutions to improve the situation and look forward for a sustainable life.
Your first paragraph is confusing and does not properly restate the original prompt. There are too many personal opinion presentation points that blur the original prompt topic and discussion requirements. You have not appropriately given a new version of the original prompt. Expect to receive a failing mark in the TA score. because of this inaccuracy. There is no room for additional information or personal opinions in the section of the essay that requires you to simply restate the given discussion point. The restatement loses accuracy due to the prompt deviations that your personal opinion presented.  
  
You were asked to give only one or two reasons for the discussion, then possible solutions from the government and individuals to solve the problems. Your reasons are multiple when you were asked to provide only 2 at the most. That is because you are being scored on the clarity of your reason and explanation. You should also have successfully presented the two reasons in a connected manner. Rather, the discussion you presented became disjointed, lacking in actual connection, and without proper explanation developments for each reason provided. There is a clear lack of coherence and cohesiveness in the discussion presentations.  
  
The solutions you presented are not all connected with the reasons you provided, further increasing the obvious lack of cohesiveness between the discussion paragraphs. Where there is no cohesive presentation, there cannot be a coherent explanation as you only provide topic sentences, again, without proper explanation development. This overall presentation of the reasoning paragraphs will not receive a good score, even though you wrote more than the 290 word limit.  
  
The conclusion is incomplete. It does not provide an accurate discussion summary and is lacking the 40 minimum word count for that paragraph presentation. Kindly remember that your long essay will not be garnering you a better score if you are unable to fulfill the task requirements as you did in this essay. It is saddening to see the rush you had to simply write as much as you can, without considering the clarity of your explanation. You have a good grasp of the English language. Had you focused on following the instructions instead of simply typing as much as you could within 40 minutes, you would have gotten a better overall presentation score.
## Covid-19 vaccine

  
  
In this day and age, the worst enemies in the World are the virus, cause they are not visible, unknown and dangerous.  
For example, since 2020, we have been fighting against a virus called Covid-19, that it took almost 100000 deaths only in Italy.  
since its apperance, every country have been trying to make a vaccine in order to stop spreading this outbreak.  
Fortunately, a chemist farm, located in the UK, made a vaccine.  
It is an important discovery for several reasons:  
  
First of all, to safe our health. Many people contracted the sickness so the National Health System NHS has been overwhelmed.  
Early, IN March and IN April in 2020, we were in darkness, it was very difficult to take under control this virus, we had almost 800 deaths per day.  
  
Several laboratories and universities, such as Pfizer, Moderna, Oxford University and so on, worked to find a vaccine.  
  
Secondly, to safe our economy. Government decided to start a National lockdown, consequently, every no essential shops and offices must have been closed and nobodies mustn't have gone out from home without permission, that to avoid gathering of people and to spread the virus. It was a financial disaster for many families and activities.  
  
Thirdly, to save the human race. In my book, although we have had the other pandemics in the past, for example, Malaria, Cholera, SARS , Spanish flu and ADIS, we survived, but, if the virus should carry on spreading among people without vaccine, human race will disappear .  
  
Thus, it is fair to conclude that we must rather make medical research (to fight the other sickness) than make weapons.
Your discussion presentation is too confusing for the native English reader. You are referring to the enemy of the world, rather than an invention that is significant. Then you said that the UK made a Covid-19 vaccine. That is an incorrect reference as the UK did not invent the vaccine. Almost every progressive country in the world has developed their own vaccine. To say that the UK invented it is incorrect. You show a lack of knowledge regarding current events at this point. The presentation is based on faulty information and even faultier sentence structures. The grammar throughout the essay is so bad, it is difficult for a native English speaker / reader to understand what you are trying to say.  
  
The uneven information presentation, specifically when it comes to the development of the Covid vaccine created an essay that lacks authoritative presentations. First you claimed the UK invented the vaccine, then you said several labs developed it. Which is it?  
  
I believe you are trying to respond to a Task 2 prompt. However, you lack the basic understanding of the English language with which to create understandable simple sentences. You must go and learn the English basics first stemming from the structure of the simplest English sentences, before you try and express yourself in an English essay. This type of essay presentation will deliver a failing score to you in an actual test based on the following reasons:  
  
- Lack of idea development  
- lack of organizational features  
- lack of control over word usage and word formation  
- Errors in sentence formation and grammar usage create incoherent sentence and paragraph formations  
  
You may also use these errors to help you study the rudiments of English writing as is necessary.
***Some people say that what children watch influences their behaviour. Others believe the amount of time they spend on television influences their behaviour most.***  
## Discuss both view and give your opinion

.  
  
People have differing views about what affects children's behaviors most. While some people consider that it is the amount of time children spend watching television, I would argue that it is the content of the programs they watch.  
  
On the one hand, there are various reasons why children's behaviors are impacted by the amount of time they spend sitting in front of the television. Firstly, if children watch too much TV, they will develop a habit of watching and eventually become addicted to TV for entertainment. This might lead to the scenario where children spend all the day with the TV, neglect outdoor activities and trap themselves in a sedentary lifestyle. Secondly, those who spend all the time watching TV may isolate themselves from the people around them. As a result, they will have less interaction and therefore, do not develop any social skills that are considered essential for their lives.  
  
On the other hand, while viewing time may harm preschoolers to a certain extent, I still believe that the programs' content influences their actions most. The main reason is that children still have not developed the awareness enough to distinguish between the right and the wrong. If they are exposed to counter-educational programs, they will have some misconceptions and inappropriate behaviors, which will result in the tendency that children imitate what they are seen on the screen. For instance, violent scenes on TV shows show children a bad example of manners and affect their thoughts as well as their behaviors when they grow up.  
  
In conclusion, although the amount of time preschoolers spend viewing TV programs may have some effect on children's actions, I believe what they watch influences them most.
In order to fully develop each discussion point in this essay format, you have to present you point of view in comparison with the public point of view. Note that the original prompt has 2 public discussion points that require individual explanations for the reasons in stand alone paragraphs. Your opinion should do one of two things:  
  
1. Oppose or support each point of view based on your understanding of the public opinion. Give the public opinion, explain the reasoning behind it. Then give your thoughts on that opinion. Do this within 2 paragraphs.  
  
2. Strongly discuss the reasons the public have for supporting each statement as an individual paragraph. Then give a separate paragraph that presents your opinion and discussion / comparison of both points of view, culminating in a supporting statement for one of the two.  
  
In the presentation that you used, you failed to use the public points of view prior to your opinion. So, rather than a comparative essay + personal opinion format, which is the correct format for this discussion, you used a single point of view presentation instead. It is a format that will gain you only a partial score based on a representation of only a single opinion, rather than the 3 opinion presentation requirement. The essay is improperly formatted and only responds to one area of the discussion presentation requirement.
Your essay is well written, but it fails to show expertise in English. To start with, you could improve your sentence structures. I feel you are able to put your point across but not very efficiently. Try to use more concise, less repetitive sentences. Your third paragraph, for example, seemed to be a notable victim of this. Using slightly more complex and varied vocabulary would also help show your grasp on the language. The usage of phrases or proverbs, if applicable, would have the same effect.  
  
Secondly, you could make your essay more compelling to read. The beginning of the essay is often recommended to be made exciting or gripping. Yours, unfortunately, does not produce that effect. You could use a proverb, an exclamation, or even an interesting fact. Moreover, adding certain statistics from studies could also go a long way in driving your point home. Remember, IELTS does not care whether or not your facts/statistics are real. They may very well be made up.  
  
Finally, you could also give a brief as to why you feel the amount spent watching TV is not as important. This would help answer your prompt more holistically, allowing you to both acknowledge and subsequently counter to the general opinion of the time spent being significant. Adding a sort of solution, say, parents promoting educational content on TV, would also make your essay seem well-rounded.  
  
I hope this was helpful, and I wish you the best of luck!
## mobile phones sold - chart

  
  
The given bar chart compares the number of mobile phones sold worldwide by the five most popular manufacturers biennially from 2009 to 2013  
Overall, it is obvious that Nokia was the leader of revenue from sold cellphones in the years 2009 and 2011, however, in 2013 Samsung was overtaken by Nokia and became the company which received the favor and belief of people. The other brands were Apple, LG and ZTE had taken a surprising turn.  
  
On the one hand, the number of phone's consumed by Samsung, Apple and ZTE progressive. In 2009, Samsung sold close to 250 millions mobile phones and in 2013 it hit the highest point at nearly 450 millions. Parallel Samsung, Apple also experienced a noticeable rise in the sales's phone and the income in 2013 was 3-times more than in 2009. In the same period, ZTE's turnover only slightly rise  
  
On the other hand, two manufacturers Nokia and LG were failure in campaigns and strategy so the income from hand phones declined. Therefore, the number of people who bought hand phones made by Nokia was highest in 2009, but it was less than 2-times at 250 millions in 2013 (nearly equal to revenue from Samsung in 2009). Around 125 millions mobile phones from LG were sold in 2009, more than 35 units in 2011 and 45 units in 2013. In addition, Apple caught up with LG about the phone being sold in 2011.  
  
*
Kindly keep the time allowance in mind when you are writing the Task 1 essay. You only have 20 minutes to present a summarized report of the given image and information. You wrote 238 words that represent an inability to keep track of time. If you were to type these many words, and have to proof read the essay, you will not be able to finish within 20 minutes. Instead, you will cut into the 40 minutes writing time of the Task 2 essay. Keep it simple. The task 1 report should not be more than 190 words. That number will help you stay within the time limit and allow you to proofread your essay as well. Other than the wordy reporting that you did, the presentation is clear and informative. It checks all of the required information and comparison points. The only problem, is that you take too long to get to the point. Say it clearly using less words. That is what the test is all about and that is why it has a shorter time allowance than the Task 2 essay. You are only repeating information, not creating a discussion.
Topic:  
***Schools should focus more on teaching students how to be successful in the workforce and less on helping them to achieve academic success.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
In this day and age, we are living in a world where issues of education-related is a heated topic and often discussed. It is commonly believed that school education should focus more on the skills which lead to the success of the students rather than only improving their academic performance. In my opinion, both success-oriented teaching and academic achievements could go together to help students be more successful in the future.  
  
Today's world is a very competitive place. Everyone is in the race to get prosperous by either getting a highly paid job or by starting their own successful business. For example, a person cannot become a good designer by reading textbooks and applying theoretical knowledge such as formulas and equations. So, they should get taught about vocational skills like painting, crafting, visual elements, and principles. Also, regular workshops should be organized at school to teach them the value of team bonding, cooperation, and effective communication skills. In other words, a lot of things are required to be successful in life apart from books.  
  
On the other hand, we cannot underestimate the role of academic courses. Such courses lay a solid foundation for their knowledge and they can understand basic things in life with ease. For instance, school subjects help in enhancing their aptitude and verbal abilities. Moreover, recruiters always look for outstanding academic records while hiring employees. Hence, school studies also contribute in a positive manner.  
  
In conclusion, a person's future career success, to a certain extent, is still influenced by his or her academic performance at school so it is rather reckless to jump to an absolute conclusion on which educational philosophy should be consistently held.
The opening paraphrase has a confusing opening sentence. It is structurally incorrect and refers to sensationalist descriptions (heated topic) that is more often than not, frowned upon by examiners when presented in essays. You see, these are all discussions, never debates, never hotly discussed, never a heated topic. I understand that you are trying to go for word play in this case, but do not exaggerate the replacement words. These do not help your task accuracy consideration. The opinion is asking you for an extent response to the question, do you agree or disagree? There are only two choices, there is no third choice representing, "do you agree with both sides?" As such, you have created a totally different, unrelated discussion requirement for this essay, showing that you did not understand the discussion instructions. As such, you TA score will be based upon a totally unrelated response to the given discussion question / instruction. Stick to the choices you have been provided, nothing more, nothing less.  
  
This is not a comparative discussion. You have failed to prove that you are actually supporting one of the two given sides in the presentation. I do not believe that this presentation, being comparative in discussion when it was not required, will help you get a high score. It may not even make it to the passing mark due to the error in discussion format. Your use of a comparative discussion where one was not indicated will leave your scoring on the lower end of the consideration scale.  
  
You are making a conclusive opinion in the concluding paragraph. Since you were not asked to come to a conclusion in the instructions, this additional error will reduce your already low score. Resulting quite possibly in a failing score overall. The concluding paragraph is not the place to present an unnecessary opinion. Rather, you should merely reflect your ability to be able to summarize your own discussion presentation as a final consideration for the overall essay.
***More ad more people are migrating to cities in search of a better life, but city life can be extremely difficult. Explain some of the difficulties of living in a city.***  
  
## How can governments make urban life better for everyone?

  
  
There has been a growing trend towards migrating from rural ares to a large metropolis. There are plenty of problems to this phenomenon and several solutions governments can take to tackle this issue.  
  
To begin with, there are a variety of issues for people who hope to migrate to large cities. First, since most urban areas are often seen as places of opportunity, the cost of living is likely to be much higher than it is in small towns or villages. If inhabitants live in a large metropolis which have various enhanced facilities, they might pay higher prices for housing, transport, and even food. Additionally, with the migration of people from rural regions, urban dwellers tend to suffer from air pollution due to overcrowded streets and public transport systems. If more and more people are migrating to urban regions in search of a better life, cities' population may break out during peak periods, which may lead to governments out of control and eventually result in social issues, such as high crime and poverty rates.  
  
Besides, there are a number of ways that governments can take to deal with these issues. By moving industry and jobs to provincial towns and rural areas, life of people living in those regions may be developed. Governments may invest public money in the construction of industrial zone in remote rural places, countryside people may have jobs in their hometown without migrating to large cities, which leads to releasing the pressure on major cities. Furthermore, politicians who have the power may ban vehicles from city center during peak hours in order to reduce traffic congestion. For instance, government may impose a surcharge for drivers who drive during rush hours and cause traffic jams, which helps governments to curb the traffic issue easily.  
  
In conclusion, there are several issues , including the high cost of living and air pollution, to this problem, and active responses from governments can be taken to mitigate the issues and enhance the quality of life for all city residents.
The opening paraphrase presents a topic sentence at the start, then an explanation of what the discussion instruction is about. While this is an acceptable paraphrase, it would have been even better had you presented a reworded reasoning sentence covering the reference to why migration is becoming a trend. That is the missing sentence that is in the original presentation but not in your representation. So your version of the opening discussion is correct, only to a certain extent. Without the reasons for the discussion, the presentation is a bit incomplete.  
  
Your first reasoning paragraph starts with word fillers. Avoid getting used to presenting place holder sentence representations as these do not help to increase your LR, GRA, or C&C scores. If the presentation does not help add information to the paragraph, then there is no sense in having that sentence there. Simply start with topic sentences that will help to clearly direct the reader towards the upcoming discussion.  
  
You misused the word "Besides" in the second paragraph presentation. That is a comparative word that is used to mean " otherwise, else, in addition, moreover, furthermore, or also". Since the first discussion refers to reasons and the second discussion, refers to solutions, the two discussion paragraphs are unrelated in content. Therefore, you cannot use the word "Besides" to start the solutions paragraph.  
  
The concluding paragraph should be presented in 2 sentences at the bare minimum. Your presentation contains a run-on that compressed all of the discussion points, leaving the reader rushed and a but confused by the actual presentation of that paragraph. Always use separate topic sentences to represent the summarized discussion points in the concluding paragraph. That will keep the meaning of that paragraph clear to the reader.
The sources of the opinions, the title of the articles, and the individual foundations for each definition of happiness need to be a part of the introductory paragraph. The idea behind a synthesis essay is to merge the related ideas into one, while allowing a separate idea to stand alone, if required. These serve as the comparison foundations for your discussion. There is a lack of proper referencing to the source materials and authors in your presentation. These leave the essay less informative as it should be. The reference to various sources and opinions make little sense to a reader who does not understand what the source materials are all about.