dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**The graph shows the quantities of goods transported in the UK between 1974 and 2002 by four different modes of transport.  
  
Writing Task 1**  
  
The line graph reveals the information regarding to the proportion of products transported in the United Kingdom by four different types of transport. It is measured by nmillion tones at four-year interval from 1974 to 2002. Overall, the most obvious fact is that the proportion of products that was carried by using road, was always the largest in each year over the time. Moreover, water was the second popular transportation in UK during the same period.  
  
With regards to the two highest proportion in 1974, road quantity and rail quantity were stood at 70 and 40 successively. There was few decrease in the number of road over four-year period, while the figure of rail gradually by 10, from 40 in 1978 to 30 in the middle of 1986. However, concerning the remain yea, both of the changes had the same trend and increased marketly between 1994 and 2002. Road quantity and rail quantity reached 100 and above 400 respectively.  
  
Concerning the rest point, the figure of water started at below 40 and the number for pipeline was 5 in 1974. These figure rose in 1978. Although the ration of water continued to remain steadly from 1982 to 1990, pipeline quantity growth gradually to above one-fifths in 1994 and remained over eight-year period. In contrast, the ratio of water inclined slightly at above three-fifths in 2002. (225 words)  
  
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**Hi Miss Septi..  
I wanna try reviewing your writing in the side of contents.**  
  
*I only remember that you have limited time to work writing task 1, for approximately 20 minutes. Consequently, you are supposed to be more selective to describe the data. You write many words. Generally, in the writing task 1, you should write 170-180 words. It's enough for the examiner. Avoid to write more than 200 words.*  
  
by nmillion  
*Misspelling is a thing seeming small. However, it can make your score fall down. Please, you care about it.*  
  
Overall, the most obvious fact is that the proportion of products ...  
*Honestly, you have learned your mistakes previously. You successfully created the overview clearly and simply. Good Job*  
  
With regards to the two highest proportion in 1974, road ...  
In the side of the grammar, you can make well. However, you have to make yourself more challenged. present more comaprisons.  
**"With regards to the two highest proportion in the first period, while 40 tons of commodities were bear by using a track of rail, through the track of road its number was almost twice as much."**  
  
70 and 40 successively  
from 40 in 1978 to 30 in the middle of 1986.  
*Hi Miss, pay attention to the number of quantity. You have to mention it. 70 tons, 40 tons,...*
***WRITING TASK 2  
  
Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances ...***  
  
Today there are many various cases and motives of criminals in around of us. Some of the criminal action had the fixed punishment based on our laws. But, sometimes the application of the law can be change based on another aspect behind of the criminal cases. Besides that, the people should have the difference point of views toward some criminal cases.  
  
For the people who being strict with the fixed punishment usually, have their own perceptions. However, they maybe think that there is no forgiveness for criminal actions that have been harming the others life. For example, the pedophilia case that happened in several months ago in certain elementary school where the offender is the teacher who has disorder sexual orientation and uses his students as the victims. The strict people would certainly don't need to add explanations of that case and directly had been decided for given the offender some of the hard punishments because he had been done a nasty and dissolute actions to the children. They would totally agree with the death penalty or life imprisonment convinces.  
  
On the other hand, the people who being wisely with fixed punishment usually have their own views. Occasionally, the people who have this typical would be more have some considerations before judge the offender by his actions. For example, they would particularly disagree with the death penalty for the offender who has the psychological disorder such as purely pedophilia in his actions. However, they are still thinking about what the motives or how the background life of the offenders and usually have alternative punishments and keep agreeing with imprisonment convince but also with giving some psychological treatments.  
  
To sum up, all of the criminal cases must have the punishments but should be better if the punishments are decided by depth considerations based on any factors which influence the people doing criminal actions.  
  
(313 words)
Hi sarlinda, I want to make some comments  
  
1. motives of criminals ~~in~~ around ~~of~~ us  
You can say 'around us' to make it simple  
  
2. Some of the criminal actions ...  
Because you use 'some' you need to use noun in plural form  
action ----> actions  
  
3. ... of the law can be ~~change~~changed based on ...  
If you want to use passive form, you can use to be + past participle  
  
Thank You  
Keep writing
***Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should be always taken into account when deciding on the punishment.  
  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.***[  
  
Now days, criminality is the crucial problem in most of country in universe. However, Fix punishment is the best way to reduce crime rate. Even thought, some people think that considering reason and circumstance of crime is the essential thing before judgement. This essay will discuss pros and cons about this notion.  
  
First of all, rising crime rate by the time make several countries imposing certain punishment to reduce that. Fix punishment is believed making wary persons for doing criminal. It has been proven in some country that crime rate can be reduced. For example in Egypt, every murderer would like to get dead penalty, and cutting hand is the punishment for thief. Recent days, there is Indonesian worker in Egypt who got dead penalty causes killing her boss. This accident makes other people wary to do that. Consequently, homicides in Egypt are quite minim.  
  
On the other hand, not all of crimes are committed on purposeful. Several people have certain reason why they do that. Saving their life and forcing are two of reasons which push them to do criminal. For example in Surabaya, the girl has killed her father owing to protect herself from her father who want to rape. However, the judges should find out more about her before judgement, and the judges cannot give her the same punishment with someone who committed premeditated murder.  
  
All in all, crimes cannot be seen from one side to give judgement. However, Finding out more is the essential thing which should be done by the judges before judgement wing to give fairness.
HELLO  
  
Now days [nowadays or may say over time ], criminality is the ...  
... best way to reduce [the] crime rate.  
... and circumstance of crime ~~is~~ [are ] the essential ...  
  
... by the time make[S ] several countries ...  
  
... from her father who want[ED ] to rape [HER ].  
... about her before judgement [judgment ], and the judges ...  
  
GLUCK
Hi Pram. Here are my suggestions for your essay.  
  
~~Now days~~nowadays , criminality is (...) of country in the world~~universe~~ . However, ~~Fix~~fixeduse the participle punishment is the best way to reduce the crime rate. Even though~~t~~ , some people ...  
  
... murderer would like to get ~~dead~~death penalty, and (...) punishment for the thief.  
... worker in Egypt who got ~~dead~~~~death~~ penalty ~~causes~~because of killing her boss.  
... other people wary ~~to do that~~of doing that .  
  
Several people have the certain reason ...  
For example in Surabaya, the girl ~~has~~ killed her father (...) her father who wants to rape her .  
  
I hope it can be useful for you.  
Goodluck and Keep Spirited
... that considering about reason and circumstance of crime are the essential ~~thing~~ before make a judgement.  
be careful with verb that you use in your sentence  
  
First of all, increasing of crime rate generate several countries (...) to reduce this issue .  
  
Fixed punishment is believed making that people wary ~~persons for~~ doing criminal.  
  
4. It has been proven in some country that crime rate can be reduced.  
It has been proven in several countries that crime rate ...  
  
5. All in all, crimes cannot be seen from ...  
I think in your conclusion you must add about your opinion about this issue
**The diagrams show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.**  
  
The diagrams provide information about producing cement from some materials and concrete-making process from cement. Overall, there are four steps to yield cement while to produce concrete need one stage only.  
  
First of all, prepare the equipment and materials to make cement such as, limestone, clay, heat, bags, and grinder. There are tools like crusher, mixer, rotation heater, and grinder. The process is begun with refine the limestone and clay by using crusher. It will produce limestone and clay powder. Then the powder will be mixed by mixer. Afterwards, it let into rotating heater to produce heat materials. Then the matter is crushed by grinder to yield cement. Bags are used to contain the cement.  
  
Cement can be the main material to make concrete. Concrete-making process use other materials with certain measurements like 10 percent of water, 25 percent of sand, 15% of cement, and the high percentage of small stones named gravel as much as 50. Then they are mixed by using concrete mixer. Then, it will result some concrete. 171w
Hi. Here are my suggestions for you.  
  
first of all, don't forget to put the data in your thread.  
  
... cement from some raw materials and ~~concrete-making process~~process to make concrete from cement. Overall, there are four steps to yield cement while to produce... -> try to find the specific and significant topic for this sentence  
  
First of all, ~~prepare~~ the equipment and materials should be prepared to make cement ...  
There are ~~tools~~equipments like crusher, mixer, ...  
... begun with ~~refine~~refining the limestone and clay ...  
Afterwards, it let into the rotating heater to ...  
... crushed by **the** grinder to yield cement. Bags are used to contain/cover the cement.  
  
Concrete-making process uses other materials ...  
  
Suggestions: try to find the similar meaning. for example: 25 percent of sand can be replaced to "a quarter". Try to find other form snetence such as complex sentence to increase your grammatical structure on your IELTS score.  
  
Goodluck and Keep Spirited.
***The chart and table below show customer satisfaction levels in the US with airlines and aspects of air travel in 1999, 2000, and 2007***  
  
The bar chart and table inform the percentage of the passengers' satisfaction and the aspects which are related with the flight experience in the US in 1999, 2000, and 2007. Overall, the customers were getting more and more satisfied with the airlines and the satisfied level of the flight aspects were above a half in 2007  
  
In 1999, sixty-five percent of the customers were satisfied with the airlines. There is a slight increase by four percent in the next following year. Then in 2007, it reached a peak at 72 percent. Back in the beginning of the period, the unsatisfied passengers' level stall at 32 percent. In 2000, there is a slight decrease by 3 percent. It can be seen that the satisfactory level had an upward trend while dissatisfied level had a downward trend.  
  
The flight attendant and price tickets had a similar upward trend and it reached peak at the same year in 2007. The former had 92 percent while the latter had 65 percent. There was no significant difference of satisfied level for check in agents and stayed at 88 percent as the median value. Schedules satisfaction level had 75 percent in 1999 and had the same number in 2000 and 2007. The data for comfort of seats factor started in 2007 with 47 percent.  
  
(218 Words)  
  
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Hello ivan! I will give you some opinions about your essay.  
  
(1) The bar chart and **the** table *(remember about parallel structure)* inform the percentage of ...  
(2) Overall, ~~the~~ customers were getting more ...  
*This is good overview, but you did not mention anything about the table*  
  
(3) There ~~is~~**was** a slight increase by ...  
(4) In 2000, there ~~is~~**was** a slight decrease by 3 percent.
hi Mr Ivan, these are my opinion towards your essay  
  
1. There ~~is~~was a slight increase by ...  
2. the unsatisfied passengers~~'~~ level  
[ no need apostrophe ]  
4. ... the unsatisfied passengers' level ~~stall~~staled at 32 percent.  
5. there ~~is~~was a slight decrease ...  
6. It can be seen that the satisfactory level had an upward trend ...  
[this is an overview sentence, as far as i know, it would be better if you put it in your body]  
7. ...difference of satisfied level for ~~check in~~check-in agents...  
  
Mr Ivan, you have a good essay, especially your introduction, but in the overview, i can't see the overview for the table. you should write two overview if you're served with 2 different data.  
  
keep writing, thanks and goodluck.
1. There is a slight increase by four percent in the next following year.  
There was a slight increase by four percent in the next following year.  
be careful with past tense because the time is past (simple past = subject+ v2)  
  
2. Back in the beginning of the period, the unsatisfied passengers' level stall at 32 percent.  
Back in the beginning of the period, the unsatisfied passengers' level were stall at 32 percent.  
*I think you forget to add verb in your sentence*  
  
3. In 2000, there is a slight decrease by 3 percent.  
In 2000, there was a slight decrease by 3 percent.  
  
4. The flight attendant and price tickets had a similar upward trend and it reached peak at the same year in 2007.  
The flight attendant and price tickets had a similar upward trend and it reached a peak at the same year in 2007.  
*I think you forget put (a) before noun countable singular*
***The diagram shows the stages and the equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.***  
  
The diagrams give the information about process producing cement and how to product concrete from cement. The equipment used to make cement are mixer, crushing, rotating heater, and grinder. Cement made by limestone and clay, besides, concrete made by cement, sand, gravel, and water.\  
  
The process of cement-making is begun with all the equipment have set up. First of all, limestone and clay are poured into crusher to change material became powder form. Then, it is entered in cylinder mixer until homogeneity. Next, it is heated by great cylinder heater that it will rotating when it is activated by fire. After that it is grind in order to become cement. Finally cement is packed by bag.  
  
Based on the second diagram, cement will be used as basic material to create concrete. First, 15% of cement is poured into mixer together with ten percent of water, sand as much as 20%, and 50% of small stone. Second, all material is stirred by mixer until homogeneity. The last after concrete form is formed perfectly, it ready to used in building a construction. (180w)  
  
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Hi Miss Bada'..  
I have read your writing. In this moment, I am gonna focus on contents. Please, you review my note so that you can improve your writing in the next term.  
  
GOOD LUCK  
  
The equipment used to make cement are mixer, ...  
Please, you avoid writing detailed information in an overview of writing task 1. Tha is supposed to be explained in the body paragraph. I wanna give you the alternative overview.  
  
"Overall, it can be obviously seen that there are four main steps needed to produce the cement before it is utilized. Meanwhile, the process of concrete production only passes one step, but this mixes four essential sources."  
  
... clay are poured into A crusher MACHINE to change...  
... cylinder heater that ~~it~~ will ~~rotating~~ ROTATE when it is ...  
After that, it is grindED in order to become THE cement. Finally, THEcement is ABLE TO BE packed ~~by~~ IN A bag.  
  
... diagram, THE cement will be used ...  
... poured into THE mixer MACHINE together ...  
The last, after THE concrete form is ...
Hello Bada!  
Allow me to give you some suggestion :)  
  
... information about cement-producing process and how.../font]  
  
The equipment that is used for making cement are mixer...  
  
... limestone and clay while concrete is made by cement...  
  
Kindly check your task again, and be concern with your sentences structure.  
  
Just few correction and suggestion for your better task.  
Hope it helps you :)
... my perception of ~~the meaning of leader and influencer~~(leadership and influence)~~because I feel that a person who ...~~ (Delete). Writing this essay ~~I do not want to~~ l is not to) prove that I am the ~~only one with~~ best leader~~ship~~ and ~~influence skills~~ but I believe that I have ~~big potential inside~~ what t takes to develop ...  
  
generally speaking you wouldn't want to start your essay with saying that you don't have what it takes, focus on what you do have, be confident!
***The diagrams show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.***  
  
The two diagrams depict the process of how cement is produced from raw materials and the production of concrete for building aim. Overall, it can be seen that both cement and concrete need different raw materials in production process. Also, although production of cement requires fewer raw materials, its process is more uneasy machineries and steps than concrete production.  
  
In the first stage of cement production, both limestone and clay are crushed by the crusher to be powder form and then transferred to the mixer. Afterwards, the mixture is sent to the rotating heater to be heated, and then the materials are grinded to be cement. The last step is packaging cement in bags.  
  
Turning to the other diagram, to make concrete for building, Gravel 50% and sand 25% are gone down to the concrete mixer, with Cement and water 15% and 10% respectively. After that, concrete mixer is rotated clockwise to result good mixture.  
  
**(155 words)**  
  
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*cement and concrete production*
Hellooo ibe13!  
Kindly check my suggestions below.  
  
Eventhough production of cement (...), its manufacturing need uneasier machineries and more complex steps than concrete production. [/i]  
  
Turning to the other diagram, to make concrete ...  
So simple description, I think you need more clear explanation here. At least, you paragraph should consists of three sentences.  
Look at example below:  
*Turning to the other diagram, it interprets the manufacturing of concrete. Material of concrete is dominated by small stones which is called gravel. This material makes up 50 percent of the ingredients. After that, it is blended in a mixer with 15 percent of cement and 25 percent of sand. Finally, it is added by 10 percent water for completing the process to make the pasta of concrete.*  
  
Hope it helps you :)
**Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should be always taken into account when deciding on the punishment.**  
  
In the present, crime happen in every countries, cities or areas. This situation cause people get damages, such as theft, robbery, murder, corruption, and other. Some people argue that, there should be give punishments based on the types of their crime without consider the circumstance of an individual crime or their motivation when doing of crime.  
  
Every country has constitution for each crime. Every people have right and obligation when they get punishment. It is function to know their reasons or their motivation why they are doing the crime. For example, one years ago, there are grandmother in a villages which get imprisonment because she had been accused of stealing firewood in the forest. This forest owned by one company and that company dropped it punishment and redress. But after lawyer and a judge know her reason the grandmother free because she does not know if that forest is owned a company because it is near her house. That is why deeply investigation is needed for deciding sentence in crime.  
  
However, punishment given to make people give up and do not want to do it again, but know the circumstance of an individual like their ages, espesecially kids who doing crime or the motivation for committing it should be always taken into account when deciding on the punishment. It is has function to make fair punishment for any kind of crime.  
  
All in all every crime should be get of punishment based on their types of crime but should account the reasons and the circumstance of an individual.
Hallo riski.. here i give some notes for you.. i hope it helps..  
  
1. First, you should give clear seperation between one paragraph and another paragraph.. it must be done. If you did not seperate those paragraphs i worry it will affect on your score..  
  
2.In the present, crime happen in every ... This situation ... ->>> this is hook. However i think this hook is quite long.. i confuse that your long hook makes your essay out of topic. Be carefull  
  
3.Some people argue that, there should be give punishments based on ...  
  
Why in this thesis statement i can not find any second statement "Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should be always taken into account when deciding on the punishment." I think you have not paraphrase this part. Be carefull, you should put the paraphrase of the question and put your reason and idea..  
  
Good luck
Hello Reski!  
Allow me to give you some suggestion.  
  
1. Typo  
  
... like their ages, **especially** kids ...  
  
2. Subject verb agreement  
  
In the present, **crimes happen** in every...  
**crime happens**  
  
For example, [b]one year[/b] ago, there ...  
  
3. Appropriate word  
especially [b]kids[/b] who doing crime ...  
Kids -> informal  
Children -> Formal  
  
Hope it helps you :)