dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The reporting is good enough to possibly warrant a passing score. There are few errors in spelling and grammar that need to be addressed along with some referencing improvements that need to be pointed out.  
  
You do not need to capitalize the word "the" in reference to the USA. Only USA needs to be capitalized because that is the proper noun in the reference. It is the actual name of the country.  
  
When referencing the measurements, do not use the same numerical reference in a single sentence. When you say that China's birthrate was exactly 10% and the USA was over 10 percent, you create a redundancy in the presentation. Offer instead an estimate of the measurement. You could have said "the USA birthrate was estimated at possibly 12 percent" instead. Offering an estimate shows an analysis of the information instead of the simplistic repeating of data, where it might be inappropriate.  
  
Vary your word references. You don't have to keep saying the individual names of the countries. You could say "both countries", "individual nations", "per country", or other variations. Work on improving your LR score through the use of synonyms.  
  
Oscillations is a complex word, but not applicable in the reference of the essay. You are trying to impress the reviewer by using advanced vocabulary where you can. Even though it does not feel right, nor does it properly apply to the context you are writing. Do not use big words if you are not use of the applicability of the definition. The report still needs to sound like it was written by an ordinary person, not a scientist. Using everyday words, in the proper way, will get you a better LR score than using complicated words out of context.
## The graph below shows the average monthly temperatures in three major cities

  
  
The graph delineates the differences among Paris, Boston, and Melbourne regarding the variations in their mean temperatures in each month of the year.  
A glance at the chart reveals that similar climates happen in Paris and Boston when both cities experience lower temperatures between November and March and higher temperatures for the rest of the year. Meanwhile, Melbourne records the opposite cycle and the heat range in Melbourne is the narrowest compared to that in two other cities.  
  
Paris and Boston witness the same climates when the temperature lines both soar from their lowest points in January and climax in August at just below 25 and 32°C, respectively, then sharply plummet until December. Boston is the only city of the three which not only has the coldest temperature in January at just under 5°C but also reaches the highest in the mid-autumn.  
  
The reverse is the case in Melbourne when the gradation of heat goes by (diễn ra) contrarily. The climate in Melbourne is cooler between May and August, and hotter in the remaining months. The level of heat in Melbourne reaches its bottom in July at approximately 16°C, which is just over half of its peak in the first and last month of the year. It can be clearly seen that of the three cities' temperatures, Melbourne's is the most constant since it oscillates from 16 to 26°C, while Paris and Boston witness wider heat ranges, from 8 to 24°C and from 4 to 32°C, respectively.  
  
*
Please remember that in order to write 240 words, you will need to have 40 minutes to write an essay. You only have 20 minutes to write this essay. Therefore, you cannot write more than 175-190 words. Focus only on content delivery, not on an explanatory essay. Additionally, do not use Vietnamese text in your writing. While you will not be scored down for that, it will not add anything to your score since you are taking an English language test.  
  
The measurements are not based on simply a year. It is based on an "undisclosed" year. Be accurate in your data presentation. When no year is provided, you must indicate so. The essay is simply too "wordy" you do not need to be highly descriptive in a task 1 presentation. You only need to be data accurate. Avoid writing overly long sentences as you do here. Those do not equal a complex sentence. Those are considered run-on sentences that prevent you from meeting the 3-5 sentence requirement per paragraph. You have to recognize when you cut the sentence short due to over information, which should be represented in a succeeding paragraph instead.  
  
There are several overlapping points in the graph that you did not indicate in the report. You have to remember, when the instruction asks you to make comparisons where relevant, you have to find the overlapping point(s) and report it. If there are several, as in this essay, opt to use one or two representations. You don't have to report all the comparison points, just let the examiner know you were conscious of the instruction by including it in the report.
When paraphrasing this essay, the response to the question will help you restate the question in a manner that will help your TA score increase considerably. You can do that by directly responding to the question in the last sentence of the restatement and then, offering an explanation that you will explain fully in the next 2 paragraphs. In this question, you failed to respond to the question directly in the essay. It is neither in the paraphrase, body, nor conclusion of your presentation. Which means, you did not properly represent the discussion format in your essay. The measured response for this essay could have been:  
  
I strongly (do not) support  
I fully (dis) agree  
I totally (dis) agree  
Or any variations thereof would have helped you achieve a better TA score in terms of prompt and discussion accuracy.  
  
Now, while you will not be scored down for writing more words than the minimum, I have to tell you the truth, writing over 500 words will not be helpful to your essay. Neither will you be able to actually write 500 words, regardless of whether you take the CBT or the pencil test. The ideal word range is only between 275-290 words. You are not writing a research paper, you are just writing a simple opinion paper. Focus on the quality of your words, not the number of words. Writing more words, contrary to what tutors tell the students, will never result in a passing score. Not when the student sacrifices the accuracy of their LR, C&C, and GRA scores for the number of words.  
  
Your undue focus on the number of words forced you to turn a single opinion essay into a comparative essay. That was never the point of the essay. There is no middle ground when the question clearly asks you to pick one of two possible responses only. That is why you are asked "To what extent do you agree OR disagree?" Wherever the word "OR" is used, a single opinion essay is warranted.  
  
Focus on defending only your supported position using 2 separate reasons in the 2 discussion paragraphs. That will clarify your position and strengthen the overall essay presentation. The undue length of your essay resulted in several grammar, spelling and conciseness issues. Which, I will not mention here anymore since your essay was not written in the proper format anyway.
## IELTS Exam Preparation - IELTS Writing Task 1

  
  
The table illustrates the data about the languages which are used by secondary students in their houses in one US school district. Overall, Spanish is the most common language while Nepalese shares the least.  
  
To describe the information in a few more detail, was on the first place, accounted for nearly 15,110 speakers in 2008. After that, from 2014, there was a significant rise in student numbers speaking this language,with number doubling.At the same time,Korean and Vietnamese were alike that they were both reducing the number of students.  
  
On the other hand, it can be seen that unlike Polish, Nepalese numbers increased dramatically to 438 and turned Polish to be the last place in 2014. Similarly, Chinese and Arabic were simultaneously 4670 and 1320 people whilst Russian represented 1656 students. However, we can see that no other languages can beat Spanish as none of them reach to the fifth of the Spanish.
Since you did not upload the image with your data report, I will not be able to assess your essay for prompt responsiveness and data accuracy. I am going to be limited to grammar checking only. Kindly remember to upload the image next time so you I can give you a full assessment of the work you have done. Thanks.  
  
You have spacing problems within your essay. Since you are most likely taking the CBT, you have to make sure that you hit the space button after placing a period at the end of a sentence. You need to follow writing rules that indicate the need for a space between the punctuation mark and the first letter of the next sentence. Without the space, the computer indicates a spelling error, which will have an effect on your GRA score due to your inability to properly format sentences.  
  
Without the image, I cannot tell if you were correct to use an uncertainty reference in the description of the speakers. Normally, the data report is based on accurate numerical figures. Which is why words that connote uncertainty of information is not used in Task 1 essays. However, there are times when the so called "guesstimates" are used to indicate an in-between figure where the image does not indicate a numerical figure for the measurement.
## Physical activity among Australian people

  
  
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of people who implemented physical activity on a regular basis in Australia according to age-groups and gender in 2010.  
  
Overall, the female group tended to take part in daily activity more frequently than the male group did except the age group 15-24.  
  
Looking at details, as regards teenager group from 15-24 years old, the percentage of boy (52,8%) who did regular physical activity exceeded that of girl group (47.7%).  
  
However, in terms of the 25-34 age group, compared to the proportion of male group at 42.2%, the proportion of female group transcended to 48.9% and then this figure continued to be superior. About 35-44 age group, the figure of female was 13% higher than that of male. Similarly, the percentages of women in 45-54 and 55-64 age group were considerably greater than those of men and the gaps were 10.2% and 7.9% respectively. Finally, in the 65 and over age-group, the discrepancy between the figure of man and women were quite marginal when the numbers were 46.7% and 47.1% respectively.  
  
*
The task 1 essay requires a 4 paragraph format that covers:  
  
- Summary overview  
- Data for group 1  
- Data for group 2  
- Comparison presentation  
  
You thought you provided the required number of paragraphs simply because you separated each sentence for the summary overview in the presentation. Simply separating the sentences does not comprise a paragraph. A paragraph is comprised of 3-5 sentences containing required information. Your summary overview could have been viewed as better completed if you have simply combined all the stand alone sentences into a single paragraph presentation. It would not have been a perfect representation but,. it would have at least met the formatting requirement per paragraph.  
  
Do not use singular references in this essay. Since there are age groups provided, that is group with an S, the presentation should be in the plural group form. Hence, it is boyS and girlS, not boy and girl.  
  
Try to do more analysis of the data presentation next time. Write at least 3 paragraphs, 4 at the most. You will score better when you meet the formatting requirements. In this case. The paragraphs should have been:  
  
Par. 1 - Summary overview with trending statement  
Par. 2 - Boys measurement and comparison  
Par. 3: Girls measurement and comparison  
Par. 4: Similarities comparison between boys and girls.  
  
Try to come up with a similar format with your next Task 1 essay. That should help you better represent the data report in the essay.
## Learning starts with failure; the first failure is the beginning of education

  
  
People who always get good grades can after some time become overconfident. I would say it's rather a human nature that makes you think that if you score at top of your class once or twice you'll score the same next time without trying hard. In this view of point one might think what John Hersey wrote is correct.  
  
The thing one might realize from a failure is that they have to try harder. Of course some might never realize this and continue on the same wrong path. No one will ever learn if they are always at the top, never failing because no one is perfect in this world. But for people to learn something they first have to admit that they have failed and try harder next time not to fail.  
  
I once scored high in my academics and I was really glad. In my next academic exam I hardly studied and ended up with poor grades. I learned that in order to receive good grades I have to study harder. The fun fact that I came across was that even though my mother would always tell me and my brother to work hard I would never pay much attention but after receiving bad grades I realized how important it is to work hard. So in contrary, learning definitely starts with failure and the first failure is the beginning of education.  
  
In the end life is an extremely hard hurdle that we have to overcome. Giving how no one is perfect everyone will face failure more than once in their lives so at that time it's better to learn something from it and only then will you start climbing the stairs of growth.
Your writing skill is so good. I believe that you have a lot of failures in writing that now you can apply to your essay effectively.  
  
I recommend that you should use more conjunctions in your essay. In addition, I do not agree with your opinions that failures can make people to work harder since some ones can be encouraged by their high scores that they get in their classes without failures and study or work better to get higher scores. In contrast, people can be driven to despair when they have got failures at the start.
I don't know much about this kind of essay so I can only point out your grammar and vocab mistakes. Hopefully, someone else will give you feedback about the writing style.  
  
It should be "... grades can ~~after some time~~ sometimes become ..."  
  
"... or twice, you'll score ...". Remember to put a comma when use conditional.  
  
view of point => point of view  
  
It should be "But for people ~~to learn~~ learning something ..."  
  
So in contrary=> On the contrary/ By contrast  
  
"In the end, life is an...". A comma is compulsory
Some things to think about;  
  
1) Throughout your essay you stated that Education itself is the first failure. However, i think you meant that a failure in education, as in getting bad grades, is the first failure for anyone. If my thinking is correct then please do append the 'education is the start of faliure' bit.  
  
2) You need to maintain parallelism in tenses. For instance, when youre talking about the past you should mostly (if not always) use past tense like 'was' 'did' etc.  
  
3) Last line; it should be 'Given' not 'Giving'
I am not sure if this is simply an English writing exercise, a college application essay, or an opinion piece on a general topic. Kindly indicate what sort of application the essay is for next time so I can give a better review of your work. In the meantime, here is what I have come up with.  
  
You forgot to use a comma in the presentation "... at the top of your class one or , twice ..."  
  
You do not say "In this view of point." It is always "In this point of view". By the way, you forgot to use a comma after the introduction "In this view of point ,one might think..." and "Of course ,some might..." , including "In my academic exam, I...", you also need to use if after the word; "So ,in contrary... "  
  
Avoid contractions in academic writing such as : It's should be "It is", always go for formality. You are not writing a friendly letter here, you are writing an academic opinion essay.  
  
The rest of the grammar errors pertain to sentence clarity and presentation. Unfortunately, I will have to rewrite the whole essay for you to do that. I am not allowed, by forum rules, to rewrite the whole essay for a student. However, I feel that I have given you enough corrections with your grammar to help set you on the right path next time. Please do more sentence building exercises. It will pay off for you in the long run.
## Is punishment a proper way?

  
  
**It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?  
What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?**  
  
It is a fact that education an infant to perceive about right or wrong is essential to shape characteristic and behavior later. I agree that punishment is a useful method to help them progress, but I also think that we should not abuse it too much.  
  
On the one hand, I believe that children should be punished when they do something wrong. As a habit, the children will often have a tendency to recurrent mistakes if they are not subjected to an impact large enough from the adult. For example, when parents educate well and give the rules to punish infants if they violate, acts such as disrespect, truancy will not exist. In other words, the penalty is an efficient way to remind children to remember and avoid mistakes again.  
  
On the other hand, in many cases, the punishments bring negative effects in spirit and psychology in the children. The feeling of fear and obsessive mind by harsh punishments after they do not show as well as their parents expect will easily lead to autism and mental illness. Instead, advice or awards also a good way to influence directly to children's awareness.  
  
I encourage slight punishment such as cutting down the money, cleaning the house or learning a poem; by the way, children not only understand the mistakes they did but also learn the way to use money suitable, keep the house tidy and raise the knowledge.  
  
In conclusion, I advocate using punishments for children as long as their effect is moderate and do not adversely influence normal development in infants.
An infant is never punished. An infant is a baby. An innocent who does not know right from wrong because they do not have the mental faculties to understand the difference. This is from age 0 months to 2 years old. When a child becomes a toddler. Still, no punishment required. The mental faculties are still developing. Punishment is meted out starting at the ages of 3-5. This is when they become kids, no longer infants or babies. Your synonym choice is highly erroneous and will be considered as such when points are deducted in the LR section.  
  
Use a strong emotional response in the essay. This is an extent essay so you need descriptive emotional words to describe your opinion. While this is a single opinion direct response essay, it requires a measured dis/agreement response within the prompt paraphrase.  
  
You need to directly outline your discussion topics by giving a proper outline response at the end of the paraphrase. What is obvious in this discuss il on is that you did not outline your essay before writing the draft. Then, you did not compare your response with the discussion requirements. There needs to be 2 different punishment suggestions in the essay, one for teachers, one for parents. Which is why the essay has not developed a proper discussion of the type of punishments you think should be applied by each type of authority figure.  
  
Always compare your content with the prompt. Never use more than 10 minutes to write your draft. No more than 290 words. That way you have time to alter your response should you realize that your response needs improvement or changes to address the discussion topic.
## Summarize information from the charts

  
  
The pie charts indicate the percentage among age groups of the residents of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and the estimate of both countries for 2050.  
Overall it is clear that they divide ages into three groups include people under 14 years, 15 to 59 years and more than 60 years. The group of 15 to 59 years mostly account for a relatively large number of populations.  
  
Looking at the pie charts in 2000 closely, one can see that the majority of population in Yemen was under 14 years with 50.1%, next to it was the group between 15 and 59 years has 46.3%. While most of the population in Italy was from 15 to 59 years with 61.6%, next to it was over 60 years with 24.1%. By contrast, the smallest proportion of population in Yemen was people over 60 years only 3.6%, whereas people under 14 years accounts for the least percentage in Italy with 14.3%.  
  
According to the projections for 2050, it is clear that an upward trend is seen in the group between 15 and 59 years in Yemen, which will get the highest percentage from 46.3% to 57.3%. On the other hand, the group under 14 years will decrease to 37.0%, finally the group over 60 years will be the smallest population in Yemen with 5.7%. However, after 50 years, Italy still keep the majority of population, which will be the group between 15 and 59 years with 46.2%. In addition, people who over 60 years will rise heavily from 24.1% to 42.3% and next to it will be under 14 years, decrease moderately to 11.5%  
  
*
This is a 20 minute task. It requires a summarized discussion of the given data. That should be completed within 175-200 words. You wrote 270 words. Which is the equivalent of a Task 2 essay requirement. You should not be writing this many words for a task 1 essay. You merely have to summarize the information and give comparison points where relevant. You don't have to write the length an opinion paper for it. Simply writing 5 sentence per paragraph, within 4 paragraphs would have been more than sufficient for this task. You would have run out of time to complete your Task 2 essay at the rate that you focused too much on the Task 1 essay presentation. You would have failed to complete the task 2 essay on time.  
  
Even with the over writing, you still failed to present a complete summary overview. You failed to mention that there were 4 pie charts presented, 2 for each year indicated. When you wrote the trending statement at the end, you neglected to mention that this was the trend for both years. In your current presentation, there is a lack of clarity regarding where the information applies to.  
  
Since you are the one reviewing the data, you need not use filler phrases like; "one can see that..." Just go directly to the data presentation. These phrase and word fillers are the reason why you wrote the equivalent of an opinion essay in what was supposed to be a data summary report. You neglected to take into account that your audience will not want to read rambling reports as these are professors, lecturers, and professionals. Your audience requires short but informative summary data presentations. Always, always consider the audience you are writing for when tackling a task 1 essay so that you will not end up with a needlessly wordy essay.  
  
The rules for writing a task 1 essay are simple, clear, and easy to follow. Keep it short but informative. Stick to a direct data presentation with no opinions coming from you. Just enumerate the data as seen. Be concise. This is not an opinion essay.  
  
Good work with the report though. It is clear and informative. If only you could do the same thing in a shorter manner, the report would have been great.