dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Dear all,  
  
I am a new member for this EssayForum and get stuck with IELTS writing test, my objective is 7.0 in writing. Could some masters help to take a look at my essay. thank in advance.  
  
## climate change issue

  
  
In recent decades, it is a belief that combating climate change is crucial, while others propose that humans should coexist with it. Although there are reasons to support the coexistence, combating climate change should always be prioritized for certain roots.  
  
Some proponents of the coexistence claim that by preventing climate change, the governments and societies will be required to allocate a high number of budgets, potentially posing a financial burden for them, especially for developing nations. For instance, in order to invest into water filtration system to prevent water pollution as a result of global warming, the Governments have to allocate around 5% of total incomes to construct and maintain, causing insufficient budgets for other essential fields, such as education and healthcare system. However, the belief is totally unjustified. While coexistence could release the monetary burden in the short-term, the long-term impacts would be more disastrous. If no action is taken, millions of human lives can be lost due to the side effects of global warming, such as floods or droughts, which has caused much more severe results that humankind cannot afford.  
  
Moreover, humanity needs to take steps to combat climate change since it is human responsibility. First, nations have posed climate change, especially developing ones, as a result of industrialization. As a matter of fact, by building factories and infrastructures, developing countries have devastated their ecosystems to find resources, such as fossil fuels and building materials, which aid them to develop their countries quickly but at the expense of environment, therefore, they have to take the role to resolve the caused problem. Second, since environmental pollution leads to animal extinction, the cost of climate change is immensely expensive for humans. Because of losing natural habitats replaced by human cities and buildings, animals will disappear, which will disrupt human food chains and, certainly, pose broad famine that can be seen in Africa nowadays.  
  
In conclusion, while coexistence with climate change can release the short-term crisis for nations, preventing climate change and its effects is always viable for humans to undermine potential disastrous results. To solve the problem, the collaboration between governmental and private sectors is inevitable.
Your thesis paragraph, also known as paragraph one, tends to be confusing to read due to the problematic sentence structure. It lacks a degree of clarity that would help the examiner fully grasp what you are trying to say. Since a question has been posed in this essay, your final sentence should present your response to it as a personal opinion. Let me show you what I mean:  
  
In recent decades, it is a belief that combating climate change is crucial, while others propose that humans should coexist with it. Although there are reasons to support the coexistence, combating climate change should always be prioritized for certain roots.  
- The past decades have seen the development of a discussion regarding climate change. Is it crucial that we develop ways and means of combating environmental changes or, should we simply learn to live with it? I believe that we should do our best to defeat climate change.  
  
Please note how my example highlights my ability to use word variations, which will help to increase the vocabulary score. Every sentence also has a clear topic trigger / subject which allows the examiner to fully understand what the main discussion point of my thesis presentation is. I also used a topic sentence at the end that could easily serve as the transition sentence for the next paragraph.  
  
Additionally, if you wish to count out your discussion reasons, make sure to use one count per paragraph. While I do not advise counting out the reasons as it prevents one from actually developing each topic idea, you should know that a separate full discussion of each topic is the best way to get a good score. They are looking for well developed themes in every paragraph, not just a mix-match of ideas that don't make full sense when read.
Hi, I'm a new member here as I have to prepare for IELTS. It would be great if you can give me some feedback to my writing! Thank you a lot!!  
  
The following is my writing task 2 essay.  
  
## money to poorer countries

  
  
Just as some people donate money to some organisations to help those in need, richer countries offer financial aid to poorer countries, attempting to help the countries themselves and their people. However, poverty results from not only lack of money but also insufficient infrastructures and incapability of developing. Therefore, instead of lending or giving money to developing countries, what developed countries should do is helping them earn money by themselves. There are two ways of doing it: providing technical aids and cooperating with them.  
  
First of all, providing technical aids, such as helping them improve agriculture so that they do not need to import staples and other vegetables and fruits, is a starting point of their development. Besides, offering medical knowledges so the death rate of infants can be lower and life span longer can increase population, and they get to develop other industries more easily. Take African countries for example, because of the climate, it is rather difficult to grow crops in those countries, and food shortage causes famine, killing lots of people and making them unable to develop other countries to focus on other industry. Giving them financial aid can only solve food shortage in a period of time, but teaching them how to grow plants more efficiently and effectively in such a hot and dry weather can really solve the problem.  
  
Aside from providing technical aids, developed countries can cooperate with developing countries, creating win-win scenario. Since labourers are expensive in richer countries, companies, factories and government can hire labourers in poorer countries, offering job opportunities to them and save money to invest in other industries. Not only labourers but also lands cost much in developed countries, so building factories in developing countries can also lower expense; what is better is that it can boost the economy in developing countries. However, it should be noted that developed countries should not exploit labourers and pollute environment in developing countries, so stricter regulations are needed.  
  
In conclusion, simply giving money to poorer countries cannot genuinely help them, and other countries are unable and unwilling to keep giving financial aid. Hence, giving poorer countries other help such as technical knowledges can be a better solution to poverty. Moreover, cooperating with poorer countries is another kind of help which can even benefit both sides.
Right off the bat I saw some punctuation conventions that you failed to follow such as using a comma to separate related words or terms in a sentence. You also have some word confusion when it comes to usage. It is better to say "... even help both sides" instead of "benefit both sides". Since you did not post the actual prompt with this essay, I am unable to analyze your response essay for its relevance to the given discussion topic. What I can say is that you should not write more than 300 words if you want to have enough time to review and correct errors during the actual test. Learn to spot check each paragraph so that you can save time towards the end when you finally need to proofread your overall written work.
***Some people think that people who choose a job early and keep doing it are more likely to have a satisfying career life than those who frequently change jobs.***  
  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
The subject of whether keeping a job or switching jobs regularly gives more career satisfaction is a matter of much debate.In my opinion, although regular alternations in occupation bring about many advantages, choosing a job early and keeping it would give people a greater sense of fulfilment.  
  
On the one hand, benefits of changing jobs often are various. Firstly, people who often change their jobs have chance to get an expose different systems and metholodies and hence add more variety to their skill sets. It would be easier for job hoppers to complete the tasks at work and even deal with unexpected situations as they are experienced and competent, which leads to a great sense of fulfilment. Secondly, switching jobs often give people the opportunities to take up new challenges and stay interested. Many people feel bored with repetitive and familiar tasks at workplace; therefore experiencing various working environments enables them to challenge themselves in order to stay motivated and stay satisfied.  
  
Despite the merits of occupation switch, there are strong reasons why commitment to a firm occupation for a long time is beneficial to employees. The principal reason is that remaining on a particular career path for a long time may allow workers gain access to specific job benefits that reserved for long-time staff. This could include bringing about the chance of being promoted, getting higher pay increases and various perks such as sick leave, holiday entitlement and yearly bones. In addition to job benefits, it is easier for people who continue and pursue with a particular career choice to create a strong and long-lasting work relationships.If employees have a strong connection with their colleagues, not only their working life will be pleasant and comfortable but also they may enjoy the supportive long-term partners, which could boost the growth in productivity.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that in spite of the excitement that changing jobs entails, staying with the same career for a long time is more likely to bring a satisfying career life.
With only 50 minutes to complete both writing tasks, I do not advise that you write more than 275-300 words per essay. Remember, it is not the length that will help you score well but rather, the expertise that you show in writing in the English language. You have to write in such a manner that you are easily and quickly understood by the reader. Focus on making sure that your grammar, spelling, clarity in writing are as perfect as can be. Based on your work here, I can tell that there was no proofreading done. You have such simple errors as hitting the space bar to separate the end of the previous sentence from the next one in the paragraph, metholodies when you meant methodologies, and a lack of conciseness when it comes to presenting specific terms. The essay has a clear point of view, it is the presentation based on scoring considerations that pulled down the quality of your writing.
## Road assess to a city hospital in 2007 and in 2010

  
  
The given maps illustrate several transformations on transportation infrastructures regarding the routes accessing to a city hospital between year 2007 and 2010.  
  
Overall, there were three dominant adjustments conducted referring to vehicle access to the city hospital, including two added roundabouts, newly established bus station, and extra parking places.  
  
It is evident that the previous combined parking lot provided for both the public and staff in 2007 was redesigned in 2010. The particular parking facility was divided into two individual sectors and made use by the citizens and hospital employees respectively. The staff car park was placed in front of the hospital building with the general public car park set on the side, each owning an entrance directly leading to the Ring Road and city hospital.  
  
As is also observed, it was only available for people to drive or went on foot to city hospital back in 2007, while the newly constructed bus station contributed to an additional public transportation choice for the patients in 2010. In comparison to the simple pathways connection layout in 2007, the bus station was associated with two roundabouts located on Hospital Road, forming a transportation hub to disperse the car flow.  
  
*
197 words can be considered an acceptable number of words to write for this task, which has a 150 minimum word requirement. While the information you presented can be considered complete, your essay presentation will receive a score mark down due conciseness errors. When referring to only one comparison image, there is no need to say "this particular parking" since your previous description indicates there is only one parking area for image comparison. Simply saying "This parking facility..." would have shown that you are capable of saying things directly. A trait important in a student who may be asked to do research in the future. Be direct, state the facts as indicated. Your vocabulary score will increase when you show that you can easily express yourself using relevant words without the use of word fillers.
Hi everybody, please help me to improve my writing skill.  
  
Topic:  
## Some people think that men and women have different qualities.

  
***Therefore, some certain jobs are suitable for men and some jobs are suitable for women. To what extend do you agree or disagree?***  
  
It is true that many people are in favor of finding a suitable job depends on their gender due to the different qualities between men and women. In my opinion, I disagree with this view.  
  
On the one hand, there are some features which differ between men and women. First of all, as far as physical condition is concerned. Men are usually stronger while women tend to be more endurable. It leads some jobs such as construction workers gravitate toward being men. Secondly, in terms of personality characteristics are concerned, women are considered to be more caring and sensitive than men. This is a reason why jobs such as nursing or the care of children are mostly women.  
  
On the other hand, with the development of technology as well as the changing in people's attitude, I believe that the range of jobs which men and women can join is not limited. First and foremost, employers should give equal opportunities to everyone in all fields. In some companies, for example, women and men have a chance to promote their carriers fairly instead of restricting the development of women due to fear that they must take care their family. Secondly, social prospective do not act as a deterrence. Pursuing their dreams, more and more women take part in the different area of fields which were dominated by men such as computer science, programmer.  
  
In conclusion, although having different abilities is true between every gender, I contend that giving equal opportunities is better no matter what their gender is.
Trang, your scored will be helped if you write at least 275-300 words instead of only a little over the minimum of 250 words. By writing more than the expected or average number of English words, you will be able to show off your vocabulary and sentence building skills. You will also be able to better explain yourself if you break out of the box of expectations and try to present your essay in a manner that will increase your score tremendously.  
  
Your work shows acceptable sentence structure and spelling skills. You do have a bit of a problem in terms of conciseness though. You have a tendency to use word fillers and phrases such as "are considered to be", when you can just as well have said "are". There is no need to count out your paragraphs with terms such as "firstly". Simply use a topic sentence to indicate that.
## whom to let be in charge of carrying out scientific researches?

  
  
**Topic:**  
  
*Scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the governments rather than private companies. Do you agree or disagree?*  
  
**Essay:**  
  
Due to the importance and the difficulty of implementing scientific researches, not many organisations are capable of conducting them. Nowadays, they usually come into the hands of the government and some private organisations. It is argued that governments should be entirely involved in and in charge of those activities rather than corporations. I agree with the view that this should be funded and supervised by the state.  
  
To begin with, there are two possible hidden dangers behind the research implemention by private organisations. The first one is that they might manipulate the results in order to maximise their profits. As follow, some medicines are not tested well before going into the market, and a few processes might be skipped to minimise the expenditure, causing unpredicted side effects. From an ethical perspective, it can lead to severve and long-term social effects. One example can be seen clearly is the Thalidomide disaster. It resulted in the births of thousands of malformed children, which the consequences still remain until now.  
  
On the other hand, if the governments carry out and control those researches, the expenditure can be allocated reasonably and publicly. Moreover, universities are usually in charge of conducting them because they are in the area of expert. When people's benefits are prioritised, it is essential that they take those scientific researches into careful consideration. Therefore, the purpose is more of social driven and there is less bias towards profit earning. One example is the development of renewable resources to meet the growing demands.  
  
To conclude, it is fairly risky to let private organisations be in charge of carrying out scientific researches. Therefore, governments should prioritise the expenditure on those and bear sole responsibility in implementing them.
@tamtran  
Hi. Thanks for coming back here. Here is my feedback on your writing.  
  
The first part of the essay has to be more straightforward. Considering that this is supposed to be a short essay, you needed to focus more on substantiating information that's more relevant. The introductory sentences could have been shorter and more straight to the thesis statement than what they are now.  
  
When you're using "on the other hand" and other similar linkages, you should have stayed consistent with it. Doing that would improve the aesthetic value of your writing for the long-run.  
  
The conclusion also needs to be sharpened more, especially since what you currently have is still a bit lacking. You needed to provide more insight to the writing.
***Some people believe that air travel should be restricted because it causes serious pollution and will use up the world's resources.  
## Do you agree or disagree?***  
  
Globalisation is a catch-all term which has resulted in the rapid growth of international traveling between countries around the globe. Accompanied with this growing trend, there are some environment-related issues which have prompted controversies of whether cutting back on flights or not. Despite air travel's negative impact on environment, I disagree with this opinion.  
  
There are several reasons why the air travel is considered to be responsible for the issue of pollution in fast-paced world. The primary reason to support the idea is that aircrafts have led to an increase in carbon footprint released into the atmosphere annually, which contributes towards other severe issues such as greenhouse effect and global warming. Even though aviation accounts for less than 3 percent of total carbon emissions from the burning of fossil fuels, its impact is predicted to rise double or even triple in the next 50 years due to the soaring number of flights. Also, the noise pollution arising from aviation has a detrimental impact on human's behaviour, health and daily lives. Residents who live closely airports' areas are likely to have difficulties in normal activities such as sleep, conversation or disrupts. More importantly, if this problem lasts in a long-term period, the hearing loss is unavoidable to a handful group of people.  
  
Although traveling by air is likely to cause problems, it is not to say that air travel should be restricted in the progress of globalisation. Alternatively, air travel can be operated in a much more eco-friendly manner to mitigate its impact on environment. A breakthrough in the use of greener fuels like solar panels, biofuel and hydrogen, could save the world from the degradation of the environment by aircrafts running on kerosene. Meanwhile, the model of aircrafts having more capacity would offer more passengers, thus, there would be a considerable decline in the number of flight.  
  
According to the above analysis, I believe putting a restriction on traveling by air is not an efficient way in terms of its commercial benefits to the development. Nations should discuss together and find possible solution to tackle or at least reduce its impact on environment.
@phuongthuy1212  
Hi there. Thanks for coming to the site! I hope that this feedback welcomes you properly into the site.  
  
While I think that the first paragraph is great, you could have opted for a simpler manner in writing things. Doing this would have helped your writing improve more, especially since it would help your essay become clearer in content and meaning. The introductory sentence, for instance, should have been shortened into merely saying that globalization is about the growth of the interconnectivity of countries. Having a simpler approach is always better.  
  
The conclusion you currently have is also lacking. You needed to conclude everything in a more analytical manner, especially since the you only mentioned a solution instead of a more targeted approach towards the issue you presented in the first paragraph.
Hello! This is my first draft for my Why NYU essay. Its's a work in progress. Please let me know your thoughts and opinions. Thank you!  
  
## **A Whole New Galaxy**

  
I looked up to see a stunning sight staring back at me, the purple stars shining brighter than usual. As a little girl, I'd always admire the galaxy and now after years of longing and yearning to be there, I finally had a chance to be a part of the galaxy; NYUAD  
  
Its various planets teaching different aspects drew me into the program. The galaxy was vast, spanning over thousands of kilometers yet its scattered stars stayed connected building connections and patterns forming a globular cluster similar to a paradise with a global network. NYUAD' s galaxy located in-universe Abu Dhabi, a melting pot of cultures and diverse social groups. I found it to be celestial, how this galaxy can magically bring everyone together forming a diverse community under one universe. In this one location, everything that I aspire to be, learn and achieve is all made possible through its planets and stars  
  
Galaxy NYUAD shie brighter than the rest with its galactic options allowing me to pursue Literature and Creative Writing major under Philip Kennedy and yet at the same time pursue a minor in Design headed by Goffredo Puccetti.  
  
it'll shape me into a universal leader, one successful anywhere and comfortable everywhere. As the purple sheen envelopes me, I know I'll be able to use its resources and do things essential to me such as starting an environment club and encouraging a sustainable lifestyle, through its plants, cosmic facilities, and gleaming resources. I'm excited to start my classes in a galaxy with diverse stars ready to hear my voice and planets ready to guide me to the supernova I aspire to be.