Wu, you could have done better work on this diagram essay. Your format is not within the required parameters and your presentation is highly confusing for the reader. As this is your first time writing a Task 1 essay, I will allow you some leeway and rather than being critical of your mistakes, I will instead, offer you advice as to how to properly format and present your essay.  
  
For starters, the opening paragraph must be composed of at least 3 sentences (no more than 5) which accurately explain the purpose of the diagrams and what your summary is all about. Therefore:  
  
*There are 2 diagrams presented for summarizing. The first diagram, involves the process involved in cement production. The second diagram, illustrates the method by which concrete is created. These two different procedural diagrams will be summarized below.*  
  
The opening statement is normally presented as the summary overview of the provided illustration. While this can be located anywhere within the essay, it is best to place it at the start of the discussion in order to help you create a discussion outline that can assist the reader in following your summary presentation.  
  
You need to focus on creating coherent statements in your paragraphs. For instance, there is no way the reader can understand what you mean by *"... the procedures need 5 and 1 kinds of machine"*. 5 kinds of what? What kind of machine? As far as I can tell from the diagrams, 2 different kinds of machines are involved in the 2 varying procedures. Is that what you meant?  
  
I can tell that you tried to discuss the two procedures in an inclusive manner. Meaning, you tried to combine the discussions in one paragraph. Don't do that. For each illustration provided, always discuss the relevant details as individual paragraphs dedicated to the illustration provided. That way you create clear references and presentations in the essay. Without that clarity, you risk failing the C&C portion of the scoring criteria. Basically, the information in your current second paragraph should have been properly included in the relevant diagram paragraphs. That second paragraph is the most confusing part of your essay.  
  
With regards to your vocabulary, you have shown a clear problem with English word usage and meaning. For example, there is no such term as *"halt of percentage"*. You meant to say "half of the percentage" You also should not have used the term "for example" in the start of the procedure presentation. There is no example to be presented because you are presenting the actual steps in the production method. Therefore, you should have merely indicated that the procedure starts in a certain way.  
  
Finally, you made an assumption that the material would be used for construction purposes. Where in the diagram was that information provided? There is nothing referencing that in the diagrams. Therefore, you should not have made that declaration in the essay. It will be considered misinformation for the reader because there is no data to back up your claims. When there is no data present to give validity to your statement, your TA score will be reduced accordingly.  
  
Basically, this attempt has numerous problems that you should be able to address and correct with your upcoming practice tests. Be conscious of these errors so that you can avoid making the same mistakes again in the next essay.