dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## What is the reason for doing this?

  
  
Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. There are several reasons for these issues. One reason for this is development. We live in a tough competitive world now. As a result, all jobs require higher competencies and knowledge. If children do not struggle, it will be difficult for them to find a job in the future. Therefore, parents often force their children to study everything to improve their competencies. Another reason comes from love. Parents always want their children to have a better life. They think that being a successful person will bring a lot of opportunities for children. Besides, parents also hope that their children will complete their dreams which they couldn't achieve when they were young. Last but not least, parents often compare their kids to others. They do not want their kids to be worse than other children. If their kids can reach their goals, parents can be proud of them and tell their children's achievements to other parents. However, if parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed, it will be harmful to children's mental and physical growth. In conclusion, parents should put themselves in their kid's shoes to fully understand how difficult it is to give parents pleasure.
Let's start with the basics. You are writing an academic essay whose minimum word count is 250-290 words. Writing less than those number of words will not be beneficial to your final score. Deductions will be applied for the missing word count. Next, you need to properly format the paragraphs. You have to present anywhere from 4-5 paragraphs, depending upon the original prompt instructions. You can never compress the discussion into one paragraph due to the sentence topic requirements and discussion presentation format. You have to present 3-5 sentences in each paragraph. The sentences need to be complete in terms of:  
  
- Topic sentence  
- Explanation  
- Supporting discussions  
  
You have not really addressed the topic in a properly developed paragraph. You have to review the formatting requirements for a task 2 essay. You can use the other essays available here as an example of how you properly address this academic essay writing task.
## the rewards compensate what celebrities have to give up

  
  
Being a well-known personality has both positive and negative aspects. However, in my opinion, the benefits of being a celebrity outweigh the negatives.  
On the one hand, there are several problems with being famous. Firstly, celebrities are lack of personal space. They always catch the attention of the public so a photograph of a top film star, musician, singer, etc can be very lucrative. Because of this, the paparazzi seemingly accompany them everywhere and celebrities have to be usually hauled into spotlight of cameras. In addition, that famous people are being mobbed or pestered by frenetic fans is not an extraordinary circumstance. In order to satisfy the media as well as their fans, the well-known people have to sacrifice their personal life. As a result, this inevitably takes its toll on their relationships. Secondly, celebrities also suffer from stress because of the high-pressure environment and tight schedules. In fact, there are a lot of famous people who commit succide because of stress.  
  
Nevertheless, the benefits of this fame are also very clear to see. The celebrities are always shown enjoying a luxurious and enviable lifestyle. They live in huge mansions, drive expensive cars, and wear the latest in high fashion, to name but a few. Moreover, fame also elevates people's social standing. Celebrities's fans regard them as role models and follow their actions religiously. Thanks to their reputation, famous people can earn a lot of money by becoming brand ambassadors and endorsing products. Last but not least, with their potential finance, well-known people can solve their trouble with privacy invasion easier. They can travel by private jet, holiday on remote islands, and build enormous houses that give them back the privacy they have lost. Clearly, not only do celebrities have few worries when it comes to money, but their wealth also means that they can effectively mitigate the problems associated with their status.  
  
In conclusion, while being famous does bring some problems, in my view, the rewards are more than adequate compensation for what celebrities have to give up.
The essay is for a Task 2 test. However, it does not follow the format of a task 2 essay. You have written too many words for this test. The requirement is anywhere from 275-290 words only. You may run out of time to edit the essay when writing 339 words. You need to make sure that you have time to check if you followed the format for the response and, if you were able to avoid making any marked errors within the presentation.  
  
This essay should have a 4 paragraph format composed of 3-5 sentences each. It should be shown as follows:  
  
Par. 1: Prompt paraphrase + question response  
Par. 2: Reason 1 discussion  
Par. 3: Reason 2 discussion  
Par. 4: Concluding paraphrase  
  
This means, your essay is missing the first paragraph requirement. There is no clear paraphrase and reasoning topics presentation. You launched into an immediate discussion, which is a no-no in this essay. Follow the required format or risk getting a heavy TA score deduction. The discussion should contain only 2 paragraphs in support of your opinion. This is not a comparative discussion. Make your opinion clear by offering support solely for your opinion. There is no sense in using a comparative discussion because that will affect your TA score as your opinion will become unclear to the examiner.
## advantages of taking up a part-time work

  
  
Some people think that doing a part-time job is good for both students and school. I agree with this statement and give some reasons below.  
  
A part-time job can help youngster gain hands-on experiences and be more mature. They could improve their time management to balance the time to work and studied. When students go outside and doing a job while studying, they have to come out of their sell to learn how to talk to a variety of people from all walks of life, and then become a confidential person in many jobs. This will enhance opportunities for them to apply in any company related to their major. Taking a part-time job means that they will be stronger to resist temptation of life and to fend for themselves. Because, they sometimes have to face with bad people while they work in that place, therefore they must learn the way to protect themselves and to avoid bad consequences.  
  
With the working inclination of the youth, having job while they are still students help them to achieve financial independent and to have duties with the money they earn from their sweat. A part-time work can help them pay for tuition or miscellaneous academic fees and cover their own expenses.They will be a self-reliant person to become more caution about how they spend their hard-earned cash. Moreover, engaging in part-time job not only to build your skills but also to glamorize your CV. It will be helping you stand out as a viable candidate with the understand about teamwork, workplace ethics and company culture.  
  
In conclusion, with the advantages from taking up a part-time work, the youngster will be acquiring experiences and reaping a lot of benefits on the way to success.  
  
may you help me to correct my fault? thanks for your help.
come out of their sell  
did you mean come out of their shells?  
  
confidential person  
did you mean confident?  
  
confidential letters mean they are secret, can only be opened by someone the letter is addressed to.  
  
with the money they earn from their sweat.  
I think this is improper translation of Indonesian terms into English.  
  
you can say: with the money they earned by themselves.  
  
to become more cautions about  
  
to glamorize your CV ?  
did you mean to improve your CV?  
be careful with the usage and selection of English words, it can be out of context if you choose the wrong words.  
  
with the ~~understand~~ knowledge about teamwork  
  
I think you need to improve on the first and last paragraph. One or two sentences only for a paragraph is too short I think.  
  
Overall, well done. Continue learning.
You have to learn how to discern between a single opinion and multi-opinion discussion essay. This is a multi-discussion essay composed of 3 paragraphs that discuss:  
  
- Some people believe it is a good idea for students to work part time to ensure better opportunities in future.  
-Others are of the opinion, job during study distracts the individual.  
- give your opinion  
  
You are missing 2 out of the 3 discussion paragraph requirements. That means, the essay cannot get a passing score. You have to clearly discuss each public point of view, using public opinions and examples, before you formulate and present your opinion. Based on your current presentation, you focused solely on explaining your personal opinion. That is not how this essay works. Use third person pronouns for the first 2 discussion points before using the first person pronoun when discussing your personal opinion.
## Self-driving cars

  
  
Many people believe that it is not a realistic idea for automobile manufactures to release cars with auto-driving systems. However, there is a more persuasive argument that the advantages that this strategy brings would outweigh the drawbacks.  
  
On the one hand, auto-driving cars cannot be used as a complete alternative to cars with drivers due to some unexpected digital problems. It is undeniable that there are many things which can happen on the road, such as other cars, weather, road condition so that the systems must be designed to calculate and handle flawlessly all of these outcomes. If not, it may lead to be uncontrollable and be a cause of accident when it deals with those in practice.  
  
Nevertheless, automatic vehicles will play as a useful tool to secure traffic order and diminish traffic death per year. If every driver followed the traffic rules firmly, there would not be any accidents could ever happen. Therefore, it is reasonable if all the cars were computerized to follow the traffic regulations because systems are easier to be synchronized than people. According to annual statistics, more than 60 percent of accidents in 2019 in Vietnam resulted from citizen's poor awareness of traffic law. It is clear that if cars were programmed to fulfill the rule instead of depending on awareness of drivers, the accidents per year would definitely decline.  
  
To sum up, while there are some disadvantages to manufacturing auto-driving vehicles, it is evident that it is more beneficial to release them due to the value that they will bring to human-being.
You have actually written just the right number of sentences within the 2 reasoning paragraphs. You have to write 3-5 sentences for the reasoning paragraphs. As for the opening and closing paraphrase, sometimes you can only write 3 sentences for those paragraphs. Other times, you can write up to 5. You cannot write 2 sentences for those paragraphs as those would be improperly formatted paragraphs and lower your score.  
  
You gave a proper opinion as required by the question asked in the original presentation. The problem, is that you did not directly respond to the question. YOu should have indicated the personal opinion in this section by saying that *"I believe that... I base my opinion on the reasons that (1) and (2)."*  
  
You should have followed the single opinion type of discussion for this essay. Once you know which opinion you would like to support, you could follow a discussion format that can help you score better due to the clarity of your opinion, cohesive topic presentation, and coherent reasoning sentences. The proper approach to the A/D discussion, if you want to score better is:  
  
Sentence 1: Advantage or disadvantage (whichever side you do not support)  
Sentence 2: Reason why people say this is an A or D  
Sentence 3: Your opinion (A/D)  
Sentence 4: Reason for your opinion  
Sentence 5: Example to support your opinion  
  
Based on the aforementioned format, you will accomplish 2 things:  
- Discuss the advantages of a particular opinion  
- Refute that advantage to prove your opinion as stated in your response within the paraphrased paragraph.  
  
This will show the examiner that you clearly considered all discussion points and, clearly explained and supported your opinion based on a comparative discussion. Such a format allows you to increase your overall score, specially in the TA plus C&C sections.
***Topic:  
Some people say that what children watch influence their behavior. Others believe that the amount of time they spend on TV influences their behavior most.***  
  
## Discuss and give your own opinion.

  
  
Answer:  
The television has been utterly affecting children's mindset. While some people argue that watching TV programmes play a crucial part in forming their behavior, others raise their strong voice for the viewpoint that how chidren behave greatly depends on how much time they set aside. This essay will discuss both opinion and point out my personal perspective about this problem.  
  
On the one hand, there are a number of supportive ideas for the fact that children's behaviors are extremely influenced by following TV. One of the most reasons is that TV coverages abound in a plenty of shocking news and violent images, and children are likely to remember and store those features they get exposed to. Furthermore, young generation appear to be naive and uncontrollable. Therefore, if they are not under the control of adults, they will give an imitation of either good or bad actions shown on TV and repeat them more than once. As the result, parent's strict supervision on types of TV shows should be provided with the young in order to push negative elements out of their minds.  
  
On the other hand, it is irrefutable that the behaviour changes will happen for the kids by the significant amount they spend on the mass media. By watching a certain period of time in a day, kids will amuse to watch continuously due to the curiosity about entertaining sources. Day by day, not only will those contents be gradually instilled in every child's self-perception but also drive them to the imitation of such activities. Additionally, they will be in that virtual world only since they have been observing them for so many days. That the plausible outcomes deprives from the large amount of time spending on TV is widely recognised.  
  
In conclusion, having considered all aforementioned reasons of both sides, I concede that all of them have influence on children to some certain extents. In order to take use of TV's sources, adults should have proper adjustments in what children watch and how much time they take to use.
## **In many countries around the world, life expectancy is increasing.**

  
*Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation and give your own opinion.*  
  
The fact that many nations are experiencing increases in life expectancy will have to face the challenges of this trend to their public health systems as well as to their national budgets. Despite this, I would argue that the positive aspects of growing longevity outweigh the negatives.  
  
One principle issue when people live longer is an increased demand for medical treatment. Not only will health facilities have to provide treatment for a larger number of patients, they also have to treat more cases involving in chronic conditions such as heart diseases or cancer due to the vulnerability of old people to these diseases. This may put a heavy burden on public healthcare in the sense that it both must effectively allocate available but limited health resources in order to meet the requirements of communities and must find a cure for fatal conditions. Other potential negatives should be considered are a decline in income taxes associating with the growing demands for pension benefits because of more people of retirement age. Residents, hence, may pay more taxes if governments find ways to increase taxes on other areas as a measure to tackle shortfalls in revenues.  
  
However, I would argue that the positive sides when the populations of countries grow older are more significant than the negative. A high life expectancy could be considered as proof positive of a well-developed health system, and therefore the effects of it on healthcare mentioned above can be mitigated. It is witnessed that in countries whose places are at the top of world's highest life expectancy, patients are more likely to have better access to better medical treatment. Besides, as a certain amount of money is in the possession of adults after retirement age, they can become targert customers at which businesses aim their products. Consequently, revenues governments receive can be raised through taxes paid on goods and services and by these companies. Above all, I believe that having a longer life is a health benefit humans deserve to receive. People have contributed a large part of their adulthood to work and social development, they are worth appreciating the rest of their lives with their family members or pursuing their dreams.  
  
In summary, I would say that although increased life expectancy has some downsides, particularly on nations' healthcare and revenues, the fact that these challenges can be addressed and that it is a health reward which humans deserve to receive justify the negatives.  
  
\* I know that my essay is too long (more than 400 words) and that's not good for a writing task 2 essay whose length should be under 300 words. But I want to say that I was practising writing and tried my best to improve and sharpen my thinking so I ignored limited time and words. All what I have focused are how clearly and logically my essay are.  
  
Thank you first for your time to read my essay and I am looking forward getting your responses.
Your first paragraph is incoherent. You have to separate your thoughts into individual sentences. Make sure that each sentences connects to the next statement. In that paragraph, you need to make sure that you do the following:  
  
Sentence 1: Restate the topic  
Sentence 2: Restate the reason(s) for the discussion  
Sentence 3: Give an advantage topic  
Sentence 4: Give a disadvantage topic  
Sentence 5: Give your personal reason  
  
You should not allow yourself to get used to writing overly long essays in the practice tests. You may find it difficult to adjust later on when you truly have to write 3-5 sentences per paragraph. You are not writing a research paper. Think of this as an explanatory paper instead. When you are explaining, you want to do it quickly and clearly. So use the following format next time:  
  
Sentence 1: A/D topic  
Sentence 2: Why this is an A/D  
Sentence 3: Supporting example  
Sentence 4: Justify how the example supports the A/D reason  
Sentence 5: Transition or additional explanation (optional)  
  
Remember the time limit. You have to practice writing within the time requirement. It is what will help you prepare for the actual test. Perfect your clarity within an actual test setting. We are here to help you get to that point.
I am preparing for the IELTS again after 2 years, so my writing got a little bit rusty. This was also crafted in a hurry, which didn't do me a favor. I really appreciate all of your feedback.  
  
## the importance of workplace interest and salary

  
  
**Prompt**  
Write about the following topic:  
  
Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life.  
  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.  
  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  
  
Write at least 250 words.  
  
**Answer**  
Currently, there are two major streams of opinions regarding the importance of workplace interest and salary. While some people prioritize their satisfaction with the work they do, some value a great paycheck more than the amusement of their jobs. This essay would examine, discuss these viewpoints and, ultimately, give the opinion of the writer.  
  
First of all, some people may like the idea of having a well-paid job because it would enable them to have more freedom in life. It is a fact that nowadays, everything - major or minor - costs you money. Therefore, a job that pays well would enable workers to buy whatever they need without thinking twice. Thus, they would have greater freedom to get and try things in life without many restrictions, both mentally and financially. For example, having a well-paid job would free them from contemplating choosing which drinks to buy, while also enable them to buy without taking out a loan. Also, by gaining financially early in their career, they may be able to save up enough money for retirement, which would give them the ultimate freedom of life and the ability to do away with their repetitive jobs. In that way, money would attract people with a desire to live a free and comfortable life.  
  
On the other hand, I also get that some people want to have a real connection with their jobs, their fellow workers, and their workplace. As an employee, having a satisfying job would mean less stress and more confidence in the workplace and life. An enjoyable occupation would make people feel cheerful and excited all the time, as they are following their passion and interest while making a living. Therefore, emotional and stress breakdowns are less likely to happen. Consequently, being excited to go to work can help an individual perform better in their tasks, as they would try harder to solve problems instead of resigning themselves. Repeatedly, this can build up one's confidence. Having a job that suits you well is certainly a great choice for those who want a worry-free life.  
  
From my point of view, I would lean towards having a job you like. Most jobs nowadays would pay you enough to live above the minimum, and what is lacking is the satisfaction of people with their lifestyle. Having a job that suits you would boost the latter, giving you a great balance in life.  
  
Again, thank you for helping
The minimum is 250 words but, based on the 40 minute writing task, it isn't advisable for you to write 401 words. That is because you need to focus on the quick but clear English explanation ability that is expected of students in the UK. Give a clear discussion, starting with a proper topic sentence, within 5 sentences. You also have to remember, you are being asked to explain 2 public opinions first, before you give your personal opinion. In this essay, you gave the public explanation for the first POV but used a personal point of view twice in the next paragraphs. The essay became improperly formatted when you did that. Remember, you cannot use your personal opinion as a concluding paragraph. That is because the concluding paragraph is a required summary of the previous discussion. It is the short form of the mid-length explanations that you previously gave. Good effort though. I can tell that you have had some experience writing this task essay. Try to do it in a shorter presentation though. It will really help you a lot if you can explain yourself within 5 sentences per paragraph. It will show a better and more impressive English writing skill.