dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Need some advice from you guys, thanks in advance.  
  
## **How will the proposed study contribute to your career?**

  
  
I have a strong desire to succeed in the business development area by becoming an entrepreneur as my future career. It is because that I am very interested in the subjects such as innovation, market research, product development, new revenue stream, and management strategy since at the business development department and strategic management division for almost five years.  
  
Although I had that knowledge, not all of the tools worked well at my cafe. Some, like Balance Scorecard, surveys, A/B testing were too complex and not every workforce would understand. My venture is just one of a few SMEs that apply growth based innovation, even though it has an inadequate measurement. Yet, there are still more did not address itself to innovate. Hence, no wonder if numerous Indonesian SMEs are less competitive when compared to its neighbours in ASEAN.  
  
Also, it is widely believed that SMEs have a vulnerable business management foundation when confronting internal problems and socio-economic changes. It means that many do not aware yet the urgency of risk management, taking a COVID-19 outbreak as an example. I am one of 64 million Indonesian SMEs who has been an adverse effect from this crisis. Moreover, I have to agree if I do not have an understanding of risk management needed.  
  
To solve those issues, I highly need to acquire skill in entrepreneurship, growth based innovation and risk management. Thus, I believe a Master's degree in Entrepreneurship and Innovation can comply with what I required.  
  
In conclusion, I hope that I can address this situation and when the problems come, I have had a practical framework thinking and its measurement.  
  
(1779 Characters)
You are not responding to the question. How will the study contribute to your career? So you want to be an entrepreneur, what then? How does the course you have chosen to study help you towards achieving that goal? What subjects will you be studying? How are those courses relevant to your future plans? Why are these courses important?  
  
The main question you should be answering is "Where does my career go after I complete the course?" What is the plan of action? Complete your studies and then? Do you franchise your business? Do you open a coffee truck? Do you seek ways to expand your business? What?  
  
You have to explain the relevance of the course in relation to your career plans. So discuss the career plans first. Then relate the plans to the courses you will be studying. Towards the end of the presentation, you should have properly explained how the studies tie into your career plans. That, is how you explain how your proposed study will contribute to your career.  
  
Don't keep looking back in your response. That is irrelevant and not useful to your application. The lack of relevance is because you are living in the past while you are being asked to plan your future. So look forward. Plan for the future. The past is where it should remain, in the past.
## Students from Vietnam in France, America and Russia

  
  
The line graph compares data on the changes in the number of Vietnamese students receiving academic education in three different nations, namely France, America and Russia from 2000 to 2015.  
  
Overall, there was an increase in the quantity of Vietnamese students enrolling in French and American schools, whereas the opposite trend was detected in Russia. Noticeably, American witnessed the biggest change during the researched period.  
  
In 2000, there were initially about 1.5 million Vietnamese studying in America, while the figures for France and Russia were far higher, with over 3 million for the former and approximately 3.5 million for the latter. Over the next five years, the number of students from Vietnam in America grew slightly by about 0.5 million. On the contrary, the figures for Russia and France dropped considerably by almost 1 million.  
  
From 2005, the quantity of Vietnamese students studying in America schools continued to increase sharply by almost 1 million in 2010 while that in French schools remained relatively unchanged. In 2015, the data for the three countries simultaneously went up. While the figures for America and France surged dramatically to reach their peaks at 5 and 4.5 million, respectively, the number of Vietnamese students in Russia rose slightly to 2.5 million after experiencing minor change in 2010.  
  
*
You kind of let your writing get away from you in this task. The ideal word count is 175-190. The perfect number of words to write within 20 minutes that will allow you to have a pocket of time to perfect your presentation. Writing 212 words could very well cut into your Task 2 writing time. Please time yourself next time. Also, use the the hand writing technique for writing your essay so that you will know the difference in time usage between tapping away at the keyboard and actually writing the essay as required at the testing center. Then you will know exactly why you cannot write too many words using the pen and paper technique.  
  
You forgot to include a reference to the measurement used in the graph. Always make sure that the highlighted information in the image is included in the summary. There is a reason those information are highlighted. These are important to the reader and should therefore, be included in the report using one form or another.  
  
Let's get something clear here. American is the person who comes from America. America is the name of the country the American comes from. Therefore, it was America, not American that saw the increase in its figures. Now, save for the missing comparison points in your presentation with regards to the overlapping portions of the information from the graph, you presented a pretty solid report to the reader. Over written, but definitely solid.  
  
I am emphasizing the number of words because the tendency of students during practice essays is to disregard the actual exam setting. You have to make sure that you keep within the time frame during the practice test so that you won't be surprised by your inability to complete the essay within the given time frame on the exam day. If you always write under the time limit and have the time to review your work before moving on to the next essay, then you will definitely be increasing your chances at a higher score for this task.
## Average weekly salary by occupation

  
  
It is immediately obvious that, this table gives information about amount of money on average earned by male and female employees each week in five careers in 2015. Common salaries of men in all jobs are significantly higher than woman.  
  
Weekly income of men varied according to occupations. Professionals earned the highest salaries, an average of $2000. The lowest income was about $1100 per week, were paid to Manual Laborers. Technicians, Admin, Services share position remains of wage, $1400, $1350 and $1300 respectively.  
  
Salaries of women also changed to depend on their jobs. While Manual Laborers were paid the lowest income with about $850 each week, Professionals took the top position of income with about $1900 weekly. Services's wage was only a half of the highest amounts, which was about $950. Tech and Admin earned fairly the same amount of money a week, $900 and $1000 respectively.  
  
Both men and women earned the varied wages depending on their careers, and it is clearly that women considerably were paid less than men in all similar occupations.  
  
(176 words)  
  
*
There is a problem with your approach to this reporting essay. You see, there is a format for the presentation that you have to follow. The first paragraph should do the following, without beginning the discussion of the content yet.  
  
- Identify the type of image ( table)  
- Topic of the table  
- Comparison points (male and female)  
- Occupation listing  
- Earning trend  
  
Each of the information should be presented in individual sentences numbering no more than 5. The reason that the summary overview should not number more than 5 is because there are 5 points for identification that should be presented to the reader. The summary should always contain a reference to the required information. It helps to outline the discussion within the next 2 paragraphs as well.  
  
You should also be presenting a comparison sentence somewhere in the presentation. The comparison point here should have been with regards to the highest earning points between men and women:  
  
*A comparison of note within the chart is that male professionals earned $2000 in 2015, while female professionals earned $1900. This means that the professional women earned $100 less than the professional men.*  
  
Don't forget, you need to present comparisons where relevant in the report. The highest paid counterparts must be highlighted in the presentation. It is a point of interest for the reader and must be used either as a trending statement or as a significant discussion point. By the way, you do not need to capitalize each occupation description since these are not proper nouns, only work / job descriptions.
You need to make a clear structure in Task 1 IELTS writing test.  
  
1. Introduction  
2. Overview  
3. Body A (describe chart/table)  
4. Body B (describe chart/table)  
  
In the first paragraph, you only need to paraphrase the question. Your second sentence tends to be an overview rather than a re-writing question.  
  
You should make an overview in the second paragraph and using the keyword 'overall' to emphasize.  
  
The last paragraph more likes a conclusion. Remember, you no need to conclude in writing task 1.
## the levels of regular physical activity of people in Australia

  
  
**The bar chart shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010**  
**Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant**  
  
The diagram shows the levels of regular physical activity of Australian men and women, separated by age, in 2010.  
  
Overall, there was an opposing trend between the percentage of men and women. However, the pattern differs between the three age groups before 45 and the remaining groups after the age of 45.  
  
The first three age groups saw a downward trend in men's figure, which decreased 13.3%, from 52.8% in the 15 - 24 category to the lowest figure of the chart: 39.5% in the age group of 35 - 44. Meanwhile, the percentage of women doing regular physical activity in these age groups rose from 47.7% to 52.5%.  
  
The trend of the percentage of men and women started to switch places after the age of 45. Women 45 - 54 years of age have the highest percentage with 53.3% but eventually decreased to 47.1% after the age of 65. Finally, the men of the age groups after 45 displayed the slightly increased of 3.6%, from 43.1% to 46.7%.  
  
(166 words)  
  
Thank you very much.  
  
*
You should be referring to the age range being used in the chart as a part of the information summary. Referring to the measurement type as a part of the summary overview is also part of the expected information for this portion of the presentation. Please remember that the summary overview needs to present the complete information reference for the reader's benefit.  
  
Your paragraphs are composed mostly of run-on sentences. This will greatly reduce your GRA score. You mistook long sentence for complex sentence presentations. That is not the case. Review your grammar lessons regarding how to properly develop complex sentences. Always separate your sentence information with a period. Do not just keep on writing without regards for proper punctuation marks. Use a variety of commas, periods, semi-colons, parenthesis (where applicable), among several punctuation marks that can improve your GRA score. Remember the best way to increase the GRA score will be through the proper use of simple and complex sentences and punctuation marks.  
  
The presentation lacks a sense of analysis based on the given information. You practically just enumerated the given data. That means your approach is mechanical and memorized. You will score badly in the TA score because of the presentation style you used. Always consider the audience of your information and try to gear your presentation towards interesting the reader with what you have to say. This will help increase your TA and C&C scores.
@Tphuc  
  
Overall, you have done a good structure in Task 1. In the introduction, you have already paraphrased the question.  
  
In overview, you mentioned 'overall' as a keyword and using a linking expression like 'however' in the sentence.  
  
In body paragraph, you have described the chart. You wrote the change of trend from highest to lowest and otherwise.  
  
A minor suggest is you no need to wrote the percentage precisely. You can write '52.8%' as 'above 50 per cent'. You can use words such as approximately, roughly, about, almost, just under, nearly to express it.  
  
And avoid a hyphen like 'age group of 35 - 44', you need to write 'age group of 35 to 44 years old'.  
  
Well done!
## Essay about The causes of stress in college students

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Under the present circumstances, students turn out to face with the multitude of difficulties when entering to universities or colleges. Specifically, stress, one of the most debated matters, is assumed to hinder considerably on learners. As this universal phenomenon is relatively dominant, it is undoubted that social scientists are learning more about its financial and academic causes. They have found that stress can lead to both psychological and physical effects.  
  
Finance, initially turns out to be one of the fundamental causes which makes teens and adolescents stressed out. For example, tuition housing and necessities are noticed factors since attending universities in which students take a high concern on. Thus, finding part-time job to support their parents' income brings some obstacles for studying because of feeling guilty about spending their parents' money. Furthermore, today, teenagers are overly stressed out since influencing from their professors, parents as well as guardian in school curriculum. As school grades or even scholarship are intensely competitive for students among others.  
  
Notwithstanding, every cause is relative to its consequence. Stress at least in some cases can stem from financial and academic aspects. Thereby, these result in two main fields, both are psychologically and physically. The first outcome is on psychological platform. Students in the long term have to suffer from depression and anxiety due to being put under the pressure. Also, problems coordinated with cognitive functioning inevitably bring to students who tend too unable to concentrate on studying in regular. Physical effects, besides, would not be underestimated. Headaches and insomnia in a specific instance are demonstrated to devastate health when suffering for a long time. Hence, these offer detrimental downsides on both mentally and physically to younger generations in universities these days.  
  
All of this being said that, although these adverse effects could originate from financial and academic causes of stress, if youngster are more aware of those mishaps and continually investigate methods to go through it, I believe the university' life will be colorful and desirable.
I am not sure why you decided to focus on students and the stress factors that they face in this essay. The reason why I am questioning your approach to the topic is because it runs counter to the actual prompt requirement. The prompt topic for discussion is based on stress being a major problem across the world, Nowhere in the original prompt was there a focus or even a mention of students. That is why when you mentioned the factors that contribute to stress and ways by which it can be reduced, your essay went further away from the original prompt. Just to prove my point:  
  
*OT: Stress is now a major problem in many countries around the world.  
OP: What are some of the factors in modern society that cause this stress, and how can we reduce it?*  
  
What you said was:  
  
*YT: ...students turn out to face with the multitude of difficulties when entering to universities or colleges. Specifically, stress...  
YP: They have found that stress can lead to both psychological and physical effects.*  
  
As you can see, the TA assessment for this essay will show that your prompt rephrasing has barely responded to the task, bringing your possible score down to a 2. While you are discussing the effects of stress, your audience is incorrect (student rather than global), and you do not present any suggestions regarding how to reduce stress. As such, your essay will not be able to reach the 5 band score. It is not possible because the essay contains other errors with regards to LR, C&C, along with GRA presentation problems. Collectively adding to the downward score of your final version.  
  
One piece of advice before I go. You should not be writing 330 words for a 40 minute hand written task. You can only write anywhere between 250-290 words. Remember, the reason you failed is because you just went ahead and typed your essay, when you should be handwriting first, and you did not bother to check if your essay responded to the prompt requirements. That lack of effort in double checking your content is the main reason you did not do a good job in developing this essay. Had you double checked the prompt requirements, you would have seen that you were way off base with regards to your prompt response.
***Many people argue that in order to improve  
educational quality, high school students are encourage to make comments or even criticism on their teachers. Others think that it will lead to loss of respect and discipline in the classroom.***  
  
## Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

  
  
The trend that students are permitted to state their own viewpoints about their teachers is a major topic of concern in today's world. From my perspective, while many people believe that this may be the precursor of indiscipline and disrespect in schools, it would seem that this trend is one of the most effective ways to increase educational quality.  
  
There are a few reasons why some people resist the propose to allow students to criticise their teachers. The primary reason is that criticizing teachers may alleviate their influence to many students. As a result, those students may inferior the role of teachers on pedagogy, which can obviously lead to the disrespectful attitude of students to their teachers. Another significant reason is that some teachers have a very high self-esteem that can be undermined when they are criticised by their descendants. Consequently, they may significantly be discouraged from teaching so that the students's learning outcome may be exacerbated.  
  
However, there are more compelling reasons to believe that this method can remarkably enhance the quality of pedagogy. On the one hand, students are those people who have the capability to judge and criticize their teachers most precisely because they are taught by those teachers. As a result, teachers can absorb those responses from students before starting to adjust their teaching methods to satisfy all students. On the other hand, the propose of pedagogy is to satisfy students's demands and enhance their knowledge so that students should have the right to make comments and criticize their teachers. For example, in many developed countries, the student-centred teaching method with two-way communication are employed in their school to respond to every students's perspectives about their school, which can substantially improve the effectiveness of teaching programs.  
  
In conclusion, the perspective that students should have the right to make comments about their teachers is highly recommended.  
  
#IELTS #WritingTask2 #Writing\_Task\_2
The inaccurate prompt paraphrase has created a discussion instruction deviation on your part. The discussion asks you to compare and contrast the two public points of view before you can formulate your personal opinion. However, your presentations does not consider the public points of view and instead, focuses on your personal opinion immediately. So, even though you wrote more than the advised 275-290 words your essay will still lose scoring points in terms of discussion accuracy under the Task Accuracy scoring section. The more proper paraphrase is:  
  
*The quality of high school education has become an increasingly debatable topic over time. Some people believe that learners should be pupils should be coaxed to question their educators. However, there are some concerns that doing so could result in the teacher losing authority and control within the lecture room. Considering both reasoning concerns, I believe that I have enough information to form a valid opinion regarding this discussion.*  
  
A better scoring series of reasoning paragraphs and concluding paraphrase could be:  
  
*Encouraging pupils to question the educators make sense. Those who support this line of thought base it on the reason that ... Consider if you will...  
  
However, when one stops to consider the dangers of this line of education, it would appear that the concerns of these people are valid. For example...  
  
Measuring the possible scenarios for this discussion, I lean towards the idea that... Owing to my experience in the classroom...  
  
So, considering the ... I recommend that...*  
  
You have to highlight your ability to discuss the topic from various pronoun reference points. When you do that, the automatic boost to your LR, C&C, and GRA scores become a given. That is because you highlight your actual writing skills using various sentence and grammar presentation styles.
The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education in school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
  
The increasing number of obese people is progressively a burden for health care system in an effort to cope with the related health problems. Some people suggest that making more physical education lessons mandatory in the school schedule is the best solution. As far as I am concerned, I totally agree with this statement.  
  
Firstly, physical education lessons are able to keep students in shape as well as good mood. Needless to say, exercising can reduce the amount of fat in students' bodies, allowing children to maintain their weight at a sufficient level. As a result, the number of obese children go down, leading to a downward trend in the total number of overweight people. For instance, the students who pay attention to their health are always in high spirits at school because they have attractive appearance and healthy bodies. Thus, keeping students in good shape both improve children health and decrease the rate of obesity.  
  
Another point is that several good habits of people emerge due to physical education in school. People can take care of themselves by consuming healthy diets as well as moderate exercises. After finishing school education, people are liable to maintain these habits, although there are many workloads surrounding them. Diets and exercises definitely cultivate their physical and mental health, thus providing them energy to work. Unless schools give them the rudiments of physical education, they are unable to do these things continuously. That is why, good habits at an early age is vitally important.  
  
In conclusion, physical education in school curriculum is inevitable because not only does it keep children in stable health condition but it also creates many good habits for people.