dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hey, this is URGENT  
So we had an assignment and this was the instructions my teacher left:  
  
*In a blog post of approximately 500 words, Choose one of the examples used in the video series (I chose the movie Kill Bill) and identify and explain how the artist has copied the original, transformed certain elements, and recombined other elements. Then, explain to what extent you believe the artist has created something original enough that it doesn't infringe on the original work's copyright. In your conclusion, state what guidelines you think creators should follow to avoid "ripping something off."  
  
As support for your blog post be sure to refer to specific ideas from the video series about copying, transforming, and recombining.  
  
Make sure you demonstrate ethical attribution of any sources mentioned in your blog post by citing them in a method appropriate for the medium of a blog post.*  
  
Heres my blog post: (based on movie Kill Bill)  
(In need of a good title as well)  
  
## Tarantino's "remix master thesis"

  
  
Many box office hits aren't as original as you think they are. "Of the ten highest grossing films per year from the last ten years, 74 out of 100 are either sequels or remakes of earlier films or adaptations of comic books, video games, books, and so on. Transforming the old into the new... is Hollywood's greatest talent." (Kirby Ferguson).  
  
As Kirby Ferguson is expressing in this quote, movies nowadays rely heavily on content that already exist. Some would even say that "remix" is Hollywood's favorite word. Take a look at the movie Kill Bill for example. Its nothing more than just a homage packed with several components from numerous films. This is evident in the scene with Elle Driver who is disguised as a nurse. It's practically a recombination of elements from the movie Black Sunday (1977) where the woman is also dressed up as a nurse in effort to kill a patient with a syringe.  
  
Another example is the famous yellow jumpsuit which appears in both Kill Bill and the film Game of Death (1978) starring Bruce Lee. In both films, Bruce Lee and Uma Thurman are wearing this jumpsuit fighting off their enemies. Although they might be wearing the same clothing, both films have their own distinctive style and elements which makes Kill Bill a product of its own.  
  
Some other examples of how the movie Kill Bill derived elements from films include The Searchers (1956) where the bride is standing in the doorway, Gone in 60 Seconds (1974) both films have very similar looking cars with a line of sunglasses, Sanjuro (1962), and more.  
  
Personally, I believe that Kill Bill is Tarantino's "remix master thesis" and not a rip off of any other film. Almost all the scenes in this movie are reenactments of other films making this one big tribute. Without previous films to influence us, we would have never had unique creations such as Kill Bill. As Quentin Tarantino says "I steal from every movie ever made".  
  
(Please give me any more ideas if you have any thanks! also need this done in as soon as possible so please anything would be great)
Rosaleen, opening with the quote by Ferguson is a good approach as it explains the content of your forthcoming paragraphs. However, do not represent it as a part of the essay by presenting it i paragraph form. That should be in block form, at the top of the page in italics. The reason being that this is a quote that you are using as a hook to get the reader interested in your work. It is not part of the discussion.  
  
The first paragraph should open not with an explanation of the quote but rather an introduction to Quentin Tarantino as a film maker who is heavily influenced by the movies that he watched growing up. Do more research about Tarantino as a film maker in order to come up with a better introduction to the "remix" influence before you add on the paragraph explaining the quote from Ferguson. Make sure that connects Tarantino to the "remake" syndrome in Hollywood based upon the quote.  
  
Now, as far as your examples are concerned, you need to delve deeper into the comparisons in such a way that you explain the original context of the scene (from the original movie) and then explain how Tarantino changed the context of the scene but still kept the elements that made it memorable in the first place. The essay you wrote severely lacks the analytical and comparison discussion. All you did were obvious comparisons. You need to look into why these original scenes fit in the storytelling process of Tarantino in order to better explain the differences that made his work original even though it calls to mind the older movie scene.  
  
In the last paragraph, you say that Kill Bill is a big tribute movie. Others will beg to differ and say that Tarantino just did the lazy film making work by ripping off other movies into another story. Something that Bollywood movies were accused of in the past. How would you defend Tarantino in that context? Look at the opposing angles to your reasoning and make sure to defend your stand as best as you can. Instead of calling it a tribute movie, call it a "homage" to the original filmmakers and then point out the influences that these people had on him. You can research that easily from his interviews when he was promoting Kill Bill as he did not make it a secret that he was ripping off other films in his own.  
  
With only 500 words to work with, I strongly urge you to use only one scene from the film in order to satisfy the evidence portion. Try to pay equal attention to the other parts of the essay instructions that you were provided with. I already gave you instructions regarding how to do that. Just do a good job in researching, stick to one memorable example, and your essay should be fine.  
  
As for the title for your post. Don't worry about it for now. Just call it "Movies That Influenced Kill Bill" for now. Decide on the final title after you have completed your research and the final version of the paper. After you have done that, you will have enough information on hand to consider what a more effective title for your blog post should be. That will be your final title.
Topic: **There are many governments that ban smoking in public places, and a great number of business also say that no one can smoke in any of their offices. However, others claim that without smoking, smokers and the economy will suffer from many disadvantages. Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
Here is my answer:  
  
Some are in favour of the view that smoking in the public domain and workplaces should be prohibited by the governments. Others, however, contend that if there was no smoking, cigarette smokers and the economy will undergo numerous difficulties. I will elaborate on these differing views as well as elucidate my own personal insight.  
  
Some people hold the opinion that the government should pass regulation of abandoning smoking at public places and places of work. Firstly, people who use cigarette tobaco is putting themselves at risk of suffering from cancer, strokes, heart diseases and a multitude of others relevant diseases. Not only do they damage themselves but also those who live nearby or often work with them will be harmed.This is called the passive smoking, which is more severe that active one. Secondly, garbage problem from smoking should be taken into account. Not many smokers throw away their cigarette into trash cans, instead of, they just litter the tobaco juice on the ground. This has an negative impact on and and leads to soil pollution.  
  
On the other hand, the economy of cigarette tobaco would face up to many problems if the number of people consuming their products decreased gradually. In particular, many enterprises and companies producing cigarette tobaco was established in modern society and they form a huge part of the economic development in every country. If their goods did not gain in popularity, they would soon go bankrupt. This makes the economy more shrinking, which is the undesirablr thing to anyone.  
  
To conclude, smoking itself has negative impacts on society, including many diseases and severely environmental problems, and its disadvantages outweight advantages. Banning smoking helps people suffer less disease as well as protecting environment. This is the best decision governments can make on this issue.
Pham, this is a well discussed essay that needs only a few minor points for correction. For starters, I would like you to consider discussing only one reason per paragraph. Always opt to discuss only the strongest reason that you feel you can best reflect in the paragraph in order to create a better chance of lexical and coherence consideration. Additionally, your grammar accuracy will be better scored if you concentrate on representing only one line of thought in the paragraph. Note that in paragraph 2, you presented 2 reasons with the last reason not really being properly developed for discussion when compared to the first reason. The second reason was rushed and under developed in terms of reason strengths. It was weak and should not have been presented at all because it affected your grammar range score. The other problem with your essay that I want to call your attention to is the fact that you did not represent your opinion as a stand alone paragraph. The instructions were clear about that. You had to discuss both public opinions (first) and then your personal opinion (second). You indicated that you would be discussing your personal opinion in the opening statement, that was the right approach to the paraphrased statement. However, you failed to discuss your personal opinion in an obvious manner by stating "My opinion of the discussion is that..." in a separate paragraph. Do not tell me that you discussed it in the preceding paragraphs because these were your personal opinions. You won't have the liberty to defend your writing in an actual test. Follow the correct format. Indicate your personal opinion using the correct opening line in the paragraph like I previously indicated. Your personal opinion should not be in the concluding statement either as that is an academic violation. The conclusion cannot present information, it can only summarize the discussion. I hope that you will not commit the same mistakes in your upcoming essays.
Hello everyone, can someone please help me mastered IELTS Writing Task 2 by commenting on my essay below?  
I really appreciate your help. Thank you very much! :)  
  
**The question:**  
*More and more qualified people are moving from poor to rich countries to fill vacancies in specialist areas like engineering, computing, and medicine. Some people believe that by encouraging the movement of such people rich countries are stealing from poor countries. Others feel that this is only part of the natural movement of workers around the world.*  
  
> What is you opinion?  
> Do you think rich countries should pay poorer countries for the people they encourage to come?  
> What other measures could rich countries take to encourage qualified people to stay and help develop their own countries?  
  
## Big migrations to richer countries

  
  
**My essay:**  
**(1st paragraph)**  
It has been widely acceptable for people to leave their home countries to seek better living, especially from poor to rich countries. At first, this might be a great development as they will come back to their countries and help rebuild the establishments. But they didn't come back and prefer to stay there, and later this is becoming everybody's problems. In my opinion, to encourage people to come back and help develop their country is not only poor country's job, but also everybody's job, including rich countries.  
  
**(2nd paragraph)**  
Lacks of qualified people from poor countries could resulting in the shortage of establishments and later end up in economical downgrade. This might lead to the downfall of the countries and they will need support from every inch of the world. If this happens, money can only help a little because although they have all the resources, it will be nothing if the professionals are all gone. In such condition, there should be any help not only from their own qualified people, but also from the scholar's host rich countries.  
  
**(3rd paragraph)**  
Rich countries, on the other hand, have more power than they realize to build a country from ashes. In terms of helping poor countries, these countries could help making a policy related to the development of these regions. For example, there could be an economic treaty where several qualified people will be trained and work in one of rich countries and later come back to develop the establishment in their home countries. Gradually, there should be many more people who will contribute to their poor nation and make them rise.  
  
**(4th paragraph)**  
To conclude, several ways could be taken into account when we commit to help poor countries rise. Despite giving aids for them, one of the efforts is getting support from rich countries through trainings and workshops conducted in there for the scholars of the poor nations. Remember, young people is the greatest assets for the nations, therefore, we should treasure them.  
  
*(328 words)*
Afifah, your paraphrasing of the opening statement is not correct. You began immediately discussing the details of the essay rather than first presenting the paraphrased statement. Remember, the first paragraph is solely used to represent your understanding of the prompt requirements. Therefore, the only information that should be contained there are the following:  
  
1. Subject of the essay  
2. Opinions stated in the original prompt  
3. Discussion type  
4. Personal opinion  
  
Of the 3 expected sentences, you only got the last sentence correct. Therefore, your task accuracy will be marked down. You should have found a way to present the questions related to to the topic discussion in a manner that shows your understanding of the prompt topic and discussion requirements.  
  
Your second and third paragraphs are not coherent enough to be understood by the reader. I believe that you are trying to translate your native tongue to English which does not really work. You have to learn to think and write in English. You cannot think in your original language and then hope to translate it properly. When you do that, the result is this confusing jumble of paragraphs trying to pass itself off as an essay. Your fourth paragraph did not help because it continued to introduce new information rather than simply finalizing the discussion via summary form in order to close the essay.
@Holt  
I see, thank you very much for pointing out my mistakes. In the meantime, I tried to remake the first paragraph, I hope you can help me improve this. I'll try to make another full essay once i got the first paragraph right.  
  
**(1st Paragraph - remake)**  
There have been big migrations from poor to rich countries to seek better occupation. While some people believe that this is a normal phenomenon as people tries to seek experiences outside their comfort areas, others seeing this as a problem due to lack of qualified people in poorer countries. From my perspective, people should expand their wings on gaining new experiences as well as coming back to develop their home countries. To encourage these, several ways could be done and certainly not only poor countries job, but also rich countries.  
  
Is there any improvement?
this is what I have so far for my introduction paragraph  
  
## nurses deserve more

  
  
In California today Nursing home nurses are underappreciated. They care for our elderly with love and respect. Many times they are only ones there to comfort them because their family is at work or can not provide the health care they need at home. They deserve more respect because they care for our loved ones. They treat them with love and respect like if they where one of their own family members. A nursing home licensed nurses in California deserve more respect because they work long hours and sacrifice their health.  
  
my paper is about why society should recognise its cultural worth how we can appreciate it more?
Juliette, if your paper is all about cultural worth, you might want to rethink your current opening statement. There is more of a social slant to what you are writing rather than cultural reference. The introduction is supposed to tie in with the cultural requirement of the essay discussion but I do not read any reference to such in this statement. As a thesis statement, you have to add more information that would tie in with a cultural reference instead of a social reference. Since nurses and caregivers work more on the social aspect of things, you may want to rethink the focal point of your discussion. Try to pick a topic that would be easier to tie in with a cultural discussion rather than the one you have now. This topic is good but you may have a bit of a hard time representing a cultural relevance for the job of the nurses. By the way, the thesis statement is incomplete. The thesis statement is another name for the introduction. Your topic for discussion is not clearly presented in the paragraph. The revision you have to do will allow you to rethink your discussion topic and whether you can accurately represent the discussion required using this subject or if you want to change it to a more connectable topic.
*Some people believe that corporations have a responsibility to promote the well-being of the societies and environments in which they operate. Others believe that the only responsibility of corporations, provided they operate within the law, is to make as much money as possible.  
  
Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.*  
  
## GRE writing task: Analytical writing

  
  
Proponents have always argued that corporations are expected to not only fulfilled their legal tax obligation but also promote with a part of their profit. This has always been a controversial topic with many others - business owners especially - arguing that corporations obligation through tax is more than sufficient. Rightfully so, as many of the corporations are taxed on many fronts. However, it is important to note that the well-being of the environment is the well-being of the corporation. An unhappy society would eventually lead to a chaotic corporation.  
  
A quick example leads us to the exploitation industry in Southern Nigeria where oil rich communities' restiveness constantly reduces output. A situation where wealthy multinational corporations worked in impoverished communities saw disruption in the corporations' daily activities. The result was constant kidnap of oil workers for ransom, blowing up of pipelines, militancy, extortions and lots of other vices. Had the corporations given up a part of their profit to develop and improve on the well-being of the society, they wouldn't have to contend with such outcomes.  
  
Corporations who take responsibility for promoting well-being of their immediate communities also tend to observe an increase in their revenue through sales increase. Such communities return the favour by exclusively patronising their products. Consider the example of a pharmaceutical corporation which extend free medical outreach to surrounding communities, the likely result is a raise in their sales as compensation for their efforts.  
  
Furthermore, corporations project themselves in good light by not only regularly paying their taxes but also taking responsibility if the society they operate in. They give the impression that they are not only about profit but care sincerely.  
  
In conclusion, many organizations should emulate giving back to society as its benefits far outweigh costs.  
  
(30 minutes allotted. Kindly review and state opinions)
Sodiq, how can I put this nicely? The essay that you wrote has some good and bad points. I can see that you did your best to represent the discussion to the best of your understanding. However, you have a tendency to misunderstand the prompt instructions, which resulted in a mistaken discussion of the overall topic. This led to a final score of 3. An overall score that I would give your essay if I were the examiner being made to score you.  
  
The reason that I scored you so low is because you did not properly paraphrase the topic for discussion in the first paragraph. There was no mention of taxes in the original prompt and yet you decided to focus on the tax thing as the point of discussion for this essay. Since you misunderstood the topic for discussion, I could not rate you higher than a 3 in that aspect, and it followed that because you made that serious error, I could not give you a higher score in the rest of the score considerations.  
  
There is also a lack of balance in your discussion. If you review the requirements, you are being asked to discuss both points of view in your essay, with you developing a formidable defense for the opinion that you support. However, there is no opposing discussion being presented in your essay. Therefore, you did not seriously consider all of the possible debatable points for the discussion in order to represent a proper flow of logic and discussion in your essay. The essay that you provided is one sided and does not properly represent the instructions you were provided.
Well structured essay. You did a nice job of picking an argument and providing examples to defend the statement. I think it expands well beyond 12th grade english as you have mentioned. We study the english language in school to build a strong foundation that can be build upon in high education and real life experiences. Great job with incorporating quotes into the essay. The quotes and sentences flowed nicely. In order to expand upon the topic you can discuss how language various in different cultures or how it various in different age groups. Perhaps discussing how language has changed from centuries ago to current time.
Yoojin, first up, your title is isn't engaging or intriguing enough to catch the reader's attention. You are stating a fact instead of involving the imagination of the reader. A title such as "Language and the Limits of My Mind" would have a better recall and interest effect that your simple statement of the prompt for a title. When you mention Orwell, you need to include the title of the book and a direct quote that can relate to your discussion topic. You cannot use the whole book in general because your current description of language could apply to any language, not necessarily English. After all, your mother tongue has a way of describing the sun, moon, and sky in an equally poetic way. So when you think of English and your defense of the learning through grade 12, think mostly in terms of practical applications such as business opportunities overseas (English being an international language), or overseas educational opportunities (such as studying in the US, Australia, and the UK). Don't limit yourself to just literature and what you can learn from it. By the way, you need to proof read your work. You are missing proper punctuation marks such as "don't" and periods at the end of your sentences, which are marked by capitalized words. Overall, not a bad attempt at writing in English but it is not really applicable to the type of discussion that would justify the need for English learning at a higher level.