dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hello Mr. Mei :p  
  
... ocean life in Oceana ~~was discover~~**DISCOVERED**~~of~~ an Atlantic lantern Shark which ~~has~~**HAD**~~long~~**LENGTH** 20 ~~centimetres~~ CENTIMETERS and ~~glowing bright blue~~ GLOWED BLUE BRIGHT along its spine ...  
1. WAS + DISCOVER ---> DOUBLE VERB , DISCOVERED ---> VERB 2, "menemukan"  
  
2. HAS ---> HAD , since this occurence in the past time  
  
3. LONG ---> LENGTH, long (adjective), ====> length (noun)  
  
4. TYPO --> CENTIME"TERS"  
  
5. GLOWED (VERB PAST) + BLUE (ADJ, color) + BRIGHT (NOUN, lampu)  
  
and they ~~are~~ WERE very surprising because ~~they are discover~~**THEIR DISCOVERY OF** an ocean environment ~~is~~**WAS** almost completely unexplored and ~~invent~~**INVENTED** several species which **WERE** very exciting.  
6. ARE ---> WERE (PAST TENSE)  
  
7. THEIR DISCOVERY OF ( I looked at your sentence structure, and it must be like that to make it correct)  
  
8. IS ---> WAS (PAST TENSE)  
  
9. INVENT ---> INVENTED (PAST TENSE)  
  
10. WHICH + WERE (VERB) ---> don't forget to place your verb there.  
  
Dioba, please make sure you know the TIME SIGNAL of the article, Present or Past.  
Then, please study again about subject verb agreement.  
  
Break A Leg !
Push Pop Press Team, Charlie Mecher, and Melcher Media create the first feature-length interactive book, which called "Our Choice" with the author is Al Gore that explains about solve the climate crisis. Many advantages of this electronic book which only touching the screen, like search the location where we are now which called interactive map, open and swipe through the chapters, the pages at the bottom can scrolled, open the page to zoom, lift off and open up have function to open the another page, the opposite that just fold the page is back up and put it back. Moreover, it shows the documentary footage and interactive animation in the page on the book which we can play it while we read a book. also, the video can be pinched and peaked back at the page and the video still playing. The other features illustrate the interactive infographics, like wind, geothermal, solar power potential that only takes the finger, it can be explored and seen state by state. On the other hand, the book can be blown by us and it shows real motion, also these books can run in iPad, iPhone.  
  
Source : TED
Hi let me give you some comments  
  
1. ... electronic book which only ~~touching~~touch the screen ...  
after conjunction which you need verb  
  
2. ... to open ~~the~~ another page ...  
you can say 'another or the other' to be followed by singular noun  
  
3. the pages at the bottom can ~~scrolled~~scroll ...  
after modal 'can' you have to use infinitife  
  
Thank you  
Keep Writing
Hello!  
Allow me to give you some suggestions.  
  
solve in your sentence should be a noun  
**with the author is Al Gore that explains about solving the climate crisis.**  
  
Many advantages of this electronic  
You are able to use "enormous" for replacing "many"  
  
...screen, like search the location where we ...  
It is really long sentence seriously, you have to divide it in 2-3 sentences.  
  
To conclude, you have to pay attention to your sentences.  
It will be better to take a look about complex sentence and conjunction.  
  
Hope it helps you :)
**With the latest technological advancements, dating is now possible online. Would you recommend online dating for your single friends? What are the advantages and disadvantages of online dating? Site some examples to support your answer.**  
  
In this digital era, the growth of technology is inevitable. Many activities can be experienced through technology such as virtual dating. However, i personally would not recommend my dear friends to get a date through online because the demerit of online dating is riskier than its merit such as they can be fooled by their mates.  
  
Although i would not advise my friends getting a virtual date, i realise that dating on internet will ease our communication in relationship because flexibility of internet offers reducing time when communication is held. Based on survey research through skype users in 2015, almost 2 million people in the world have used skype to communicate with their companions while others use it for business purposes. As a result, we can clearly see that skype is one of the essential adjacent media which provides the easiness when getting video call to date.  
  
On the other hand, technology as a media for communication cannot control actual life of people. So, it is a huge chance to be deceived by mates. For instance, my gorgeous friend who had a long distance relationship in almost six months was fooled by her boyfriend because he cheated with another girl in his town. Thanks to the incredible technology, through her curiosity, she can find his girlfriend by searching on the application which is provided by the internet. As a result, even we are able to stay in touch with our boyfriend by online, we cannot take care of their real life. So, risk of virtual dating is higher thank its benefits. That is the reason why i do not advise my friends to take online dating anymore.  
  
In conclusion, getting date via online is unrecommended because people are easy to be fooled while the quickness of communication system through technology is inexorable
**Parkinson's disease may start in the gut and travel to the brain**  
  
Previously, people think that Parkison's disease is caused by brain cell damage, and these day it is predicted that it come from gut. This disease is one of sort deadly diseases. Eventhough, it can be prevent by some medicine, the influence of this disease can kill neutron within brain.  
  
Thank to turn out of research that use mice as animal experiments, this disease is caused by unique bacteria in gun that maybe come from misconception medicine or influences of pesticides for farmers who use it . These bacteria are named synuclein which are able to travel to brain. If people can identify first location of this disease, patients can be saved by injecting certain medicines or antibiotics.
Hi Pramudia27,  
  
..., and these days it is predicted that ...  
This disease is one of ~~sort~~short deadly diseases. Eventhough,Even though(no comma) it can be prevented by some medicine,...  
~~Thank to turn out of research that ...~~ ,Thanks to the research of using mice as animal experiments, this disease is caused by unique bacteria in the gun that ...  
  
If people can identify the first location of ...
Hi, Pram here is my thoughts  
  
~~these~~**this** day it is predicted that ...  
  
it can be ~~prevent~~**prevented** by some medicine  
  
... out of research that ~~use~~**uses** mice as animal experiments,  
  
... named synuclein which ~~are~~**is** able to travel to brain.  
  
*Pram, by reading your summary, i know that you have a problem in subject-verb agreement.  
I believe that you already understand the theory, but maybe you are in a rush so that you created many mistakes  
please read your essay and pay attention to subject-verb agreement before you upload it.*
Hello Pram, I will give my correction for you  
  
these ~~day~~days("these" indicate plural, so you must use "days")  
  
~~Eventhough~~even though(this is the right write of even though)  
  
it can be ~~prevent~~prevented by some medicine (passive voice is tobe + verb participle)  
  
Thank to turn out of research that ~~use~~uses mice as animal experiments (the subject is singular, so you must use singular verb too)  
  
These bacteria are named synuclein which ~~are~~ is able to travel (the subject before "which" is "synuclein" and it is singular subject)  
  
thank you
***With the latest technological advancements, dating is now possible online. Would you recommend online dating for your single friends? What are the advantages and disadvantages of online dating? Site some examples to support your answer.***  
  
The sophisticated technology allows some things happen, include make close relationship with someone through the internet. This essay will discuss how online dating can save a couple's money, but it can bring disappointment to one party. So, personally, I will not suggest my friend to enjoy someone's company online.  
  
Some communities now have provided a place where men and women can connect each other. They aim to match single person who sometimes are hard to find fitting partner. It is remarkable idea, if it is compared to traditional dating. It will save mate's money. According to a man who had been interviewed by Cosmopolitan that he has never bored to fall head over heels in love with other women by dating service websites or social media. Since he did not need to spend much money for transport to pick his girlfriend go and forth, to treat her in famous restaurant, and to buy clothes or gifts for her. He just found internet connection in which he could make relationship with women in different countries.  
  
However, online dating make some people are deceived. Because when they ask to meet in certain place, they find unexpected things. The research from Sorbonne University, that 92% people experienced dissatisfaction after meeting with their dating partner. Most women said that they sometimes were tricked by men's face on the internet that were actually full of fat, short, or having a bad habit. This study resulted that a large number of couple decided to break up after dating in particular place. Thus, personally, I will not recommend this idea to be done by my friend since I have known the bad effect that may cause they are brokenhearted, or getting trauma to men.  
  
To sum up, it is may be true that online relationship gives advantages as the result of development of technology, which it can reduce their expenditures, especially for men. Nevertheless, it may fool people by their real appearance and attitude. So that it is why, I do really advise my friend to avoid this way. 342w
The diagrams show a structure that is used to generate electricity from wave power.  
  
A breakdown of the system regarding the electricity production by wave-generator is illustrated in the diagrams. As we can in the diagram, the equipment consists of the turbine, chamber, column and the cliff are needed as the main media of this process, while the wave as an essential component to produce the electricity based on two mechanical systems included the entering and the retreating movements.  
  
Firstly (Picture A), the electricity is produced by the rotation of the turbine. In this process, the wave which entering the chamber will be directed to the mouth of the column through the inclined surface of the cliff. Thus, the wave can make the turbine keep spinning in electricity creation.  
  
Secondly (Picture B), describes that the turbine with the same spin also can control the surf for retreating the chamber as the reverse force of water circulation which is aimed for obtaining the movements of the wave. Moreover, this system also purpose for keeping the stabilization of the electricity power product. (167 words)  
  
*
Hello! I will give you some opinions about your essay.  
  
As we can **see** in the diagram, the equipment consists of the turbine, chamber, column and the cliff*(i think it is not one of parts of equipment)*are needed as the main media of this process (I think it has same meaning)  
  
You have a good explanation in your body paragraph 1 and 2 :)  
  
..., the wave which **is** entering the chamber ...  
... make the turbine keep**s** spinning in electricity creation.  
  
Secondly (Picture B), **it** describes that the turbine ...  
Moreover, ~~this system also purpose~~**the purpose of this system is** for keeping ...
The couple of figures provide information about the transformation of area shrouding the lake from 2000 to 2009. Overall, it can be seen that lake in 2009 was becoming narrow as pond, and many public facilities was added around this area, even though residential areas ware decreased in that moment.  
  
First of all, in 2000, west side of lake was old town where nine-years later this area became office and university. Meanwhile, previously, north-west side there was derelict warehouse that has been changed as car park in 2009.  
  
On the other hand, in 2000, art centre can be looked in south-west direction from lake that on more than a decade, it has been changed to be cinema. Furthermore, industrial area in front of art centre in 2000 has been renovated to become shopping centre. On one hand, industrial complex that can be showed in 2009 has been widened from residential area and industrial complex before.  
  
*
Question:  
  
**It is inevitable that as technology develops, traditional cultures will be lost. Technology and tradition are incompatible - you cannot have both together. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Answer  
  
Technology has been used and developed by several professors around the world to make human life easier. Nevertheless, some claim the improvement of technology has decimated the value of traditional culture so you have to choose either evolution of technology or our tradition. In my opinion, although technology has a negative impact towards our culture, it has several benefits via blog, youtube and website those are vital to our traditional culture. Traditional culture has been introduced globally via blog and website. Many website like nationalgeografic provide a lot of information regarding the history of our culture that is able to be seen interestingly by other people from different country. Likewise, today, a number of blog have contained our traditional culture such as dance, ritual and other tradition. Although, sometimes they conduct it for attracting other to visit their blogs, it also can let the world know about the improvement of our culture.  
  
In addition, some of us watch youtube every day when we are in the free time or some of them uploading regarding our culture. For instance, the youtube channel from 'my trip my adventure' which a lot of video regarding our culture had been producted by them and it has been viral. Therefore, technology will increase such information about our culture world wide.  
  
On the other side, technology as social media can decrease the value of our culture when we become lazier to have conversation to our friend instead of using chat application in social media. In a result it will reduce the way we use region language as our tradition culture.  
  
In conclusion, albeit it has a negative side of using technology towards our culture, it will be addressed by using it effectively such as creating blog, youtube or website about our traditional culture.  
  
~ kindly read my essay, give some comments, critics and recommendations so that I can improve my writing and please estimate how much is the IELTS writing score for this essay, thank you very much ~
Hi, Fatmajana here is my suggestions  
  
*- In your introductory paragraph, you need to paraphrase the prompt first. After that, you have to create a general statement. some examples might put at the body paragraph  
  
- In your body paragraph, first sentence is the main idea, short explanation, example and result  
- creating a structured essay will ease examiner when reading your essay, and flow of your essay can be obvious.*  
  
Many ~~website~~**websites** like nationalgeografic...  
  
~~some of us watch youtube every day when we are in the free time~~ watching youtube in our leisure time ....  
  
*in conclusion, you should make a paraphrase of thesis statement and you may add the suggestion.*
**The changes in Lakeside in 2000 and 2009.**  
  
The alteration of the lakeside in 2000 and 2009 is shown in the diagram. Overall, it can be seen that residential area was concentrated in the north-west part of the lakeside while other public services were developed at each side of the area  
  
In the west side of the river, several changes in public services happened between those two years. Following by the developing years, Art Centre was rebuilt and changed the name into Cinema. Afterwards, the number of offices and university was constructed next to residential area while derelic warehouse was demolished and turned into a car park. Moreover, a shopping centre was built opposite the cinema and schools while the residential area in 2000 is moved into the north.  
  
When the lake was changed into a pond at the end of the river, an enormous number of industrial estate was constructed at the east side of the river. In addition, in 2009, the ninefold of various types in industrial complex were built by destroying a residential area  
  
*
***The changes in Lakeside in 2000 and 2009.***  
  
The maps show some improvements that have been done in the Lakeside from 2000 to 2009. Overall, there were some changes in the city, which industrial complex became larger after it was extended by dragging people's living places.  
  
Firstly, public services experienced improvements in three places. Derelic warehouse that located in the right of residential area in 2005, were constructed to be car park nine years later. Then in front of that location, there was old town, which changed into offices and university. Afterwards, in the east of the city, lake was minimized to be pond.  
  
Furthermore, entertainment center and business place were improved to be remarkable and famous area in 2009. Art center was changed to be cinema, which it stood at the west of the city. Then, housing in the left of the river was removed to build shopping center. One of the citizen estates at the right of the river was sold in the company to make a big industrial complex that unites in the small industrial in the south east of the city. 177w  
  
*   
*The changes in Lakeside*
The bar chart illustrates the numbers of people who got an advanced education between men and women with comparing full-time education and part-time education from 1970 to 1991.  
  
It was clearly different between the numbers of full-time education and part-time education. There is an incredible difference that people got much more further part-time learning than full-time learning. On the other hand, the chart tells us the numbers of men in part-time education decrease compared to 1970 to 1991; whereas the numbers of women increased year by year. However, there was a same situation between males and females in full-time education- the number of education rose apparently in the period, especially in females.  
  
According to the bar chart, we are informed men who had further part-time studying were more than women in 1970/71, 1000 thousands and about 750 thousands individually. Nevertheless, the situation reversed in 1990/91. The biggest difference is in the part-time schooling, that approximately 900 thousands of males had, compared with 1100 thousands of females did.  
  
*
Hello ching tang  
  
There ~~is~~**WAS** an incredible (...) further part-time ~~learning~~ than full-time ~~learning~~ .  
1. WAS ---> PAST TENSE, because it is in 1970 to 1991  
  
2. avoid REPETITION , because when you say only part-time, people can still know because you already mention before  
  
On the other hand, the chart tells us THAT the numbers of men in part-time education ~~decrease compared~~**FLUCTUATED, BETWEEN 1970 AND 1991**  
3. Add connector "that"  
  
4. Please make sure you input the CORRECT DATA, the number of men is not increase in those years, it's fluctuate
**IELTS TASK 1 - WAVE GENERATOR**  
  
A process of generating electricity by using wave energy is portrayed through two illustrations. Overall, there are two distinct conditions, while the first one is when the water fulfill the chamber, and the second one is contrasting with the previous condition that is depicted by exiting the wave from the chamber.  
  
To begin with, we can see that the immense volume of the sea-water that fill the space, hit the cliff or sea wall. Then, it makes the airflow is going out from the column. After that, the turbine twist, and it causes the electricity can be produced.  
  
Next, this is the condition when the direction of the wave is going to the opposite. It leads large space inside the chamber. As a result of that, air from the outside enters the column, and spins the turbine in the same direction. Finally, it creates the electric as an output, just like before. **(152 WORDS)**  
  
*
**Quitting smoking in your 60s can still boost life expectancy**  
  
Basically, there is no age limit to stop smoking, yet scientists suggest that kick the habit should not smoke as much as possible or until their 60s. This is because the faster they stop smoking, the longer persons are likely to live. Also, experts find out that all smokers can emphasize smoking cessation, regardless of age. Therefore, although smokers have some opportunities to live longer, they should consider the negative side from smoking especially causes of smoking-related death included lung, heart disease, and respiratory conditions.  
  
source; newscientist
**Article Summary: Finland set to become first country to ban coal use for energy**  
  
Finland has possibility to become the first county which avoids using coal as energy source. It will be announced soon, as the part of Finland effort for building new energy and climate strategy. Started from 2030, burning of coal for energy needs will be banned. As a matter of fact, using coal saw a steady drop since 2011, and in order to replace that, government have invested in renewable energy for the following year. It led to a twofold of wind energy capacity in 2012, costing almost 80 million. At the same time, Nordic energy prices except coal decreased gradually from 2010 to 2016, and caused coal-fired power plants dipped to 8 percent of coal's energy that had usually provided for nations. Honestly, it seems like radical step for stopping coal since enormous nations have tried and failed to realize it. Apart from that, this step still becomes really positive news since the more countries join the coal phase-out, the climate will be better as others will have force to do the same.  
  
Source:  
newscientist
Basuki T. Purnama or Ahok, the governor of the country's capital, answered 27 questions which repetitive of the previous interrogation for 8 hours from Indonesian police because his case is blasphemy probe. His campaign brings a quranic verse, Al Maidah, that the position of leadership in Indonesia mustn't always from Muslims although Indonesia is a Muslim-majority country. He had apologized that he never intended to insult Islam or the Quran., but 200,000 Muslims protested Ahok in the Streets of Jakarta on 4th November 2016 and also they require Indonesian President "Jokowi" to endorse the governor in the upcoming gubernatorial election. The solving of this problem is meeting with leaders from mainstream Islamic groups, political parties, and also Prabowo Subianto as former presidential election rival and his party's chairwoman Megawati Sukarnoputri as well as military officials.  
  
Source : TIME
Hello Yurike,  
  
answered 27 questions which ~~repetitive~~ IS REPEATING / REPEATS / IS REPETITIVE ~~of~~ the previous (...) from Indonesian**'S** police because his ...  
1. WHICH + VERB 1 / WHICH + BE + VERB ing / WHICH + BE + ADJECTIVE. Yurike, you must remember this rule !  
  
2. Indonesian'S Police ---> Police that refer to indonesia / owned by Indonesia  
  
that the ~~position of leadership~~ LEADER in Indonesia  
3. ... bring in different meaning (because there are many position, such as manager, mayor, president, and it make the reader confused).  
  
~~mustn't~~**MUST NOT** always from **THE** Muslims although ...  
4. AVOID TO ABBREVIATE LIKE THIS : mustn't, don't , won't ----> is not formal in academic writing.  
  
but ~~200,000~~**2,000,000** Muslims protested (...) of Jakarta ~~on~~ AT ~~4th November~~**NOVEMBER 4TH,** 2016  
5. Yurike, actually is two million, the TIME IS LYER, wkwkwk (don't obey this suggestion)  
  
6. AT / IN / ON ---> try to study about these words' usage  
  
7. Write date like the English Rule !