dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Dear moderators  
It would be a great help if you could go through this **issue based gre awa** and give me some advice as to how to improve it. Thank you for your time  
  
## Teachers salaries should be based on their students academic performance

  
  
**The** statement claims that the teachers salaries should be based on the students academic performance. It is true that the progress or the performance of the student's to a certain extent depends on their teachers because they are the primary sources of information for them and they help in moulding the students for their future.  
  
But in the end the future of each of these students is in their own personal hands and how they manage to improve and be consistent with their own performances depends on the hard and smart work put up by them. It would be unjust for the teachers to have their salaries based on the hands of the students. There is a possibility that even though the teachers might do the most extra and unnecessary things like taking extra lectures for the benefit of the students for which they are not paid for but ultimately the student does not perform because he does not understand the importance of the work the teacher has put up on him by being ignorant or lazy. In such cases it is not the teachers who are responsible for the students future and should not suffer because of their incompetence.  
  
Now, if a certain class performs consistently worse then it might be necessary to check why they are performing poorly. If the class performs poorly in their first test then it can be assumed that either the question paper was difficult to solve or the teacher did not do his job properly of teaching them or the students did not prepare judiciously for the test. In such cases the management should not take any decisions hastily as there is no unbiased way of knowing who is responsible for the poor performance. But if the trend continues for the next few tests then the management should analyse the performance of the students under different teachers. If the performance of these students other subjects are also poor then the students are to blame. But if the students are performing poorly only in this particular subject then the teacher is to blame. In such conditions the salaries of the teachers should be based on the performance of the students as they are responsible for their poor performance.  
  
Thus it would make sense for the salaries to based on the performance of the students provided that the management know the whole picture of what is happening in each of the classes so that neither parties suffers from the incompetence of each other.
Hi Drive, I think you should revise the knowledge about "possessive case" and "plural noun" first, as I see many grammar errors in this sector and this is quite serious for an academic essay.  
  
Corrected: "the **teachers'** salaries", "**student's** academic performance", "performance of the **students**"....  
  
Omit "own", it is not neccessary to use this word, except you want to emphasize = only very special case.  
  
Furthermore, you should use comma after "Adverbial Phrases" to avoid too much long sentence. You made a 3-line sentence with no comma, that's not good at all. It makes reader feel tired when reading your essay.  
  
Regards,
@drive  
Hello there. Welcome to the forum. I hope that my feedback gives you an idea on how to improve your writing.  
  
First and foremost, that first paragraph is too rigorous. What I would recommend is trying to compartmentalize the second sentence into something that's short and sweet, especially because you are working with such heavy-handed words. If you are able to do this, the thematic presentation of what you are going to discuss in the latter parts will be easier to understand from the perspective of the writers themselves.  
  
Furthermore, the second paragraph needs to be tailored in the same regard. The first sentence appears to be too lengthy. The third sentence needs to be cut down into three different ones. Try to evade being repetitive with the thought process as well as this will not give you anything beneficial in the long-run.  
  
If you can trim down the body, you will be able to have space to balance out the conclusion of the writing. This is a critical step as it will enhance the overall appeal of your writing.
I'm revising my writing skills for the coming exam. Please help with my ideas or grammar. All of your feedback is appreciated. Many thanks.  
  
**Topic: Some people believe that people have the right to university education, and government should make it free nó matter what their financial background. To what extent đó you agree or disagree**  
  
## IELTS essay for education

  
  
Many people believe that government of countries all around the world should provide free university education programs for their citizens no matter what their affordability. While there are many arguments, I would disagree with this point.  
  
On the one hand, it is true that governments should help poor people to have an opportunity to enlist university they want. Firstly, there are many potential students who have good knowledge with a high score in the entrance exam to the university, can't afford to continue going to high education. Government and community should support them to pursue their dreams in the lecture theatre. Secondly, government will enhance their prestige when helping needy people go to the university, because it is one of the significant activities received social supports.  
  
On the other hand, it is impractical for any governments to use their financial budget for paying all education fee. The first reason is that governments will have to pay a large amount maintenance of infrastructure, equipment, teachers, etc. to maintain university activities. This may lead to budget deficit and prevent governments from investing other important sectors. The second reason is that it is difficult for universities to catergorize entrance student capacity and apply suitably specific curriculum. The quality of human resources output are not good will waste state financial budget.  
  
In conclusion, personally I would argue that governments should have measures to encourage their citizens to get into school, but only for a limited necessary people group.
@Lavence  
You have missed out the most vital aspect to anwer the question. The question is about your opinion while you wrightly took a side but discussed both views equally which certainly reduce your score to a great extent. You should take a side either on agreement or disagreement for this type of question and have to develop your two/three ideas in following two/three paragraphs. Each body paragraph must have a topic sentence presenting your idea clearly followed by explanation and example. Do not introduce more than one idea in each paragraph for this type of question when it is asking your opinion. If you want to give the opposite view, you can give it by producing a short paragraph just before conclusion while only stating that there may have some positive featuers like this and this , however,,.... then refute it.  
  
hope this will help
Hi Lavence, I think you should plan your essay and choose the vocab more carefully, as your essay is still short (244 instead of 250 words) but quite wordy in the way of describing. You should use complex sentences, not long wordy sentences. Try to be clear and specific in ideas, some of your ideas are confused. Here is my suggestion in your essay (which I think can fix):  
  
... disagree with this point because of the following reasons.  
  
First, it is impractical for the governments ... all education fees as they already have to pay ... equipment and human resources to operate public university activities. This may lead to a budget deficit and ... Secondly, it is difficult for universities to ***categorize ... curriculum***. The low quality of human resources output will waste state financial budget. (I am sorry but what you mean about "categorize entrance student capacity and apply suitably specific curriculum"? Both free and paid education need to categorize the students and all need a different curriculum. That depends on the school.)  
  
On the one hand, governments truly should indeed help poor people to have an opportunity to enlist the university they want. With support from the government and community, many financial-needed potential students can continue their higher education and pursue their dreams in the lecture theatre. Furthermore, ***the government will ... supports.*** (Sorry again, I really not understand this sentence, the government will enhance their prestige is ok, but what are significant activities received social supports? It is the responsibility of the governments to encourage and investing in education)  
  
In conclusion, I do believe that the governments should ... citizens to obtain higher education, but only for ... (OK, this sentence is quite confusing. I can understand what you mean, but this also has the meaning that "only limited people should be encouraged to get into school")
I'm revising my writing skills for the coming exam. Please help with my ideas or grammar. All of your feedback is appreciated. Many thanks.  
  
***Topic:  
## Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices.

  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?***  
  
It is a common belief that currently we are living in an era of an array of choices. Compared to life in the past when we had limited resources, I totally agree with this opinion.  
  
On a social level, thanks to competitions between vendors, more and more options are given to us. Let's take business for an example since it produces the most products and services. To be specific, when you want to buy a new pair of shoes, you can think of many brands from luxury like Gucci, LV, and Miu Miu to less costly ones at the supermarkets or local shops. Also, you do not have to come to the store to get your shoes, you can order them online and have them shipped to your place, which is developed to meet the personal demand and satisfaction.  
  
From another angle of view, due to a rise in choices, it takes us more time to consider what we should choose. Particularly, every morning when I wake up, I cannot think of what I want to have for breakfast immediately. Why does this even matter? It is because there is a variety of food stalls and dishes out there to try. And it is as various as that for other issues such as which school to study, which job to apply for or how to make more money. People will give you different answers to these questions, which illustrates the diversity of choices.  
  
All in all, our modern life offers us more options when it comes to everything. However, since we have such a lot of choices, we should consider each one carefully to come up with the best decision.
## IELTS Task 1 : 'waste production' table essay

  
  
The chart gives the numbers of waste that were produced by Ireland, Japan, Korea, Poland, Portugal, and the US from 1980 to 2000.  
  
Overall, the US produced the greatest amount of waste between 1980 and 2000. It is also clear that Korea was the only country that reduced its number of waste production from 1990 to 2000.  
  
From 1980 to 2000, the amount of waste produced by the US increased from 131 to 192 million tonnes, and the number of wast production in Japan also significantly rose nearly two-times, which is from 28 to 53 million tonnes. Similarly, wast production from Poland and Portugal slightly decreased from 4 to 6.6 million tonnes and from 2 to 5 million tonnes respectively.  
  
During 2 decades, waste production from Ireland increased dramatically to 5 million tonnes, a rise of almost 4.5 million tonnes. By contrast, the number of waste produced by Korea saw a noticeable fall to 19 million tonnes from 1990 to 2000.  
  
*
\*and ~~the number of~~ wast production in ... -> the number of is used for the countable noun. you can choose: the amount of, the quantity of, the volume of, which can be used for the uncountable noun.  
  
\*Poland and Portugal slightly ~~decreased~~ from 4 to 6.6 ... -> it should be increased. And you should add a comma before respectively, or you should write: *waste production in Poland and Portugal slightly climbed respectively from 4 million tonnes to 6.6 million and from 2 million tonnes to 5 million.*  
  
\*It should be waste production in ..., not from.  
\*DO NOT write the particular figures in the last paragraph, because you should write the TREND instead. For example: *The US produced the most waste during the whole period, while the other countries just saw a modestly rise in the two decades, except Korea.*
@wuu\_u  
To be honest, there are quite a lot of mistakes in your writing.  
As for grammar, in addition to what shown in chrischen's comment, i think there is a mistake about tense which is " which is from from 28 to 53 million tonnes". Remember we are talking about the past. Also, i think you don't need to add "which is", just "from 28 to 53 million tonnes" is enough.  
  
As for the ideas, i think adding the information about Korean from 1990 to 2000 is redundant and makes it not fit with the US figure. You should put your first paragraph and the second one into just one paragraph.
***## The charts below give information about travel to and from the UK,

  
and about the most popular countries for UL residents to visit.***  
  
The line chart shows the changes in the number of people who went to and came from the UK for travel during the period from 1979 to 1999. The bar chart shows where the British outbound tourists went most in 1999.  
  
It is notable that the increase of the number of the UK outbound tourists was sharper than the overseas counterparts. The amounts of both kinds of the travellers were similar, at about 11 million, in 1979. In the next 6 years, the figure of two types of tourists saw a steady climb, whereas the British travellers were about 20 million in 1985, more than the foreigners (about 15 million). By comparison, the number of the UK outbound tourists increased by about 35 million, to approximate 55 million at the end of the 1990s, about twice as many as the foreigners.  
  
We can see that considerable proportion of British tourists went to France and Spain in 1999, about 20% (11 million) and 13% (9 million), respectively. In contrast, the number of people went to the USA, Greece and Turkey were all less than 5 million.  
  
The British outbound travellers outnumbered the foreign travellers who visited the UK during the whole period, and about one-third of them travelled to France and Spain in 1999.  
  
*
Please help me revise my writing. I'm currently going for IELTS and I suck at writing. Please help!!!!!!  
  
In your opinion, why is the circus still a popular form of entertainment in the modern electronic age ?  
=========================================  
## an enjoyable entertainment in the modern age?

  
  
In this modern era, circus is still a popular entertainment all over the world. Although technology now is more developed, circus shows are still visited by many people. There are some reasons why they are still popular despite the development of technology.  
  
First, the feeling it brings to the audiences. Most people like to watch something different. In the circus, there are acrobats and sometimes animals such as tiger, elephant, and other exotic animals to entertain them. People are excited in seeing the acrobats perform from a rope high up in the air and the animals following the trainers commands. In addition, clowns and jugglers make the children fascinated by their action.  
  
Second, it is suitable for all ages from children to adults.For the children that are mostly curious of everything, they are eager to watch the acrobats, jugglers, and the animals. As a result, they want to go to the circus again after watching it once. As for the adults, going to the circus might allow them to relieve their stress and think about the fun they had in their childhood. Besides that, the parents can enjoy it together with their child.  
  
In conclusion, circus is still a popular entertainment even in this modern era where technology is developing and provides a lot of ways for people to entertain themselves. It is unique in its own style and is suited for all ages. And the popularity of circus does not seem like it will decrease in the near future.
@Aegris  
Hi, I would like to give you some grammatical advice.😁😁  
  
1. Curious "about", not"of"  
  
2.with their"children", not "child"  
  
3.trainers' command -- remember to put ' after trainers.  
  
4.think about the fun --- "recall" the fun  
  
5. ...where technology is developing and "providing"a lots of ways..... V-ing and V-ing  
  
Hope it would help.😁😁
## the road to success

  
  
In terms of success, some people believe that it is just a matter of luck to actualize their objectives. Whereas, I am of the opinion that success does not come along with fortune but with truly hard work and strong will.  
  
To begin with, although chances equally come to everybody, not everyone can seize them eventually. Only the one who have prepared for them in advance can take advantage of the opportunities appeared on their way to their goals. The preparation might be performed by gaining knowledge and experience according to the professions they choose to follow. Without such preparation, individuals could hardly be qualified enough to carry out the opportunities they have.  
  
Secondly, the road to success offers a wide range of challenges so that only strongest people can achieve regardless of luck. Fortune might help individuals fasten the process or solve the problems more easily. Moreover, it requires people to be relentless, determined and disciplined even though they encounter spectacular failure beforehand. For instance, it is considered to be lucky if one is offered a high-salary job after having a MBA degree but this does not guarantee one will become a successful manager in the long term if he or she does not put hard work into it.  
  
In conclusion, I strongly believe that luck is not the only ingredient attributable to accomplishments. Furthermore, goal-achievers should equip themselves with the right mindset and thorough preparation
@Mia Nguyen  
Hi there! Welcome to the forum. I hope that this feedback somehow helps you in your writing endeavors. Please do not hesitate to approach us for more input on your writing - we always love to help!  
  
Generally speaking, your writing composition in terms of technicalities is put-together. I couldn't find flaws that were distracting or that made it difficult to comprehend your text.  
  
What I do recommend is trying to keep your writing more balanced. If we take a look at the conclusion, it seemed to still be lacking answers to some fundamental questions.For example, try tackling here why the first sentence of the paragraph is a justifiable approach to writing. If you are able to do this, you will surely have a more integrated and sophisticated approach to writing.
Hi! I am a student and I am learning how to write for the Ielts exam. I found this site when I were looking for some help with my writing. Welcome everyone to have a look at my essay and I appreciate if you can give me some thoughts on my work. Please help me check cohesion, any weird expressions, vague meaning or any other problems. Can you also suggest me a way to write the conclusion? I found myself rephrase the introduction part here as I don't know what else to write. Thank you in advance!!!  
  
## global hunger - it's a serious problem

  
  
**Question: In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?**  
  
Food production in 21th century has increased significantly worldwide thanks to development in farming. Despite this fact, people are stilling facing the serious problem of hunger in many parts of the world. This essay will look at some of the main causes and possible measures to solve the issue.  
  
In the past, food shortage used to be a serious problem that affected every country but it is not the case anymore. With tremendous advances made in agriculture, food production now exceeds the quantity needed to feed the world population. however, food surplus does not mean everyone has access to adequate food. People who live under the poverty line does not have the means to purchase food. For example, children from poor families are more likely to be undernourished as they are not fed with enough food or nutritious food. On the other hand, there are also places where food production is insufficient. To take some countries in Africa as an example, severe droughts and conflicts cause poor harvest which is worsened by a rise in food price.  
  
There are several ways that the situation can be ameliorated. First of all, governments should make every effort to create more jobs so that more people can secure an income. Secondly, there should be schemes to help those with little earnings so they can buy food at a cheaper price. Lastly, regarding places with food shortage, the international community can hep with by donating food or money, raising fund for children and so on. moreover, developed countries can also transfer technological innovations to underdeveloped countries to help them improve their own agriculture.  
  
In conclusion, this essay examined some factors contributing to the persisting hunger problem and suggested several solutions to it. It is such a difficult problem that cannot be solved overnight and thus, requires long-term strategies and cooperation between countries.
1. **the 21st** century  
2. worldwild is an adjective, you can use **world-wild**  
3. **the** development in farming  
4. [the serious problem of hunger] is not right, you can use the appositive clause: **people are stil facing the serious problem, hunger, in many parts of the world.**  
  
above is for the first paragarph.  
  
1. People who ... line does not have ... It should be DO.  
2. In the third paragraph, you provided some solutions. But your first solution: creating jobs and securing income, which should be linked to the problem. You can write:**Governments should ... to create jobs so that the general public in the poor areas can earn higher salaries, and as a consequence, they can access to more supplies of food.**  
  
3. Your second solution is not clear. What kind of the schemes can help they?
## responsibility for plastic Pollution

  
  
Pollution by plastic that are more extreme because there are more and more plastics product such as packaging, boxes, toys,... are used and discharged every day. Packaging in particular are a main factor. So, environmental organizations are try to talk to everyone so as to avoid this problems get worse.  
  
To begin with, somebody thinks that consumers should avoid to buy goods with a lot of packaging. Actually, this is very necessary because people should have a awareness about saving environment. Our action can really make a difference. If consumers like to use more goods without plastic packaging, manufactures and supermarkets will have more responsibility to find some solutions to replace them. Take a solution for example packaging are made of leaves.  
  
In the other hand, some of ideas that enterprises should have responsibility to reduce plastic packaging. Some enterprises really care about environment and they are trying to find a good solution. But, the others seem to care more about price. Nowadays, there are also some replacement for plastic packaging but they are still quite expensive. That will make fee of production increase. This is not only hindering manufactures but also consumers. In additions, a product replacement need to a new production technology to enough supply for market.  
  
It is certainly true to say that enterprises and consumers should have responsibility for this problem. Therefore, consumers should use more products with a lack of plastic that help enterprises are confident to apply a new products. Besides, manufactures should also have more options for consumers. In conclusion, a main factor can improve this problem that is human.