dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## the 'new' town

  
  
The map describes of developments in an American town between 1994 and 2010. Many circumferences were changed affected by the town transformation in range of the time ranged in 62 years. Meanwhile the old buildings were replaced with a new building that is more useful.  
  
There was a huge commutation in the number of the residential houses in 1948 rebuilt into commercial buildings beneath or western areas of airport. In the opposite way of patrol station there is park located in between factories and residential houses. Southeast area settled a church which is the only one building in that area. the local supermarket located n the southwest side of the park.  
  
In 2010 the city was rebuilt, many new environments were made from the previous buildings. Church in the south area change into sport stadium and if you cross over the canal, local supermarket replaced with commercial building. When we moved to east side which separated by commercial industries the park has change into small supermarket in the west side and in the right side of it has become an airport.  
  
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Diah, good work on the analysis of the essay. You were able to accurately use the map and the provided compass in the development of your paragraphs. I applaud you for creating a fresh sounding and less mechanical presentation of the information you were provided. You clearly did more than just take note of the obvious information. You actually bothered to create intricate connections between the changes covering the period provided. A minor mistake in your grammar though, there is an "n" where you meant to say "in". I think that was a slip of the finger on the keyboard though. Be aware of what letters you are typing and make sure to proof read your work prior to submission. You don't want to lose points on a technicality. Additionally, you did not bother to properly conclude the essay with a concluding paragraph. It would have helped to increase your score if you had done a concluding analysis of the content. A summary of the presentation that noted the most significant changes in recap would have sufficed. Your score for this essay could come in at a 6 at the most.
## Diffrences in town during years

  
  
The map provides a breakdown information of American-Town Alteration between 1948 and 2010. Overall, it could be divided in two sides under consideration were in the right and left side of canal.  
  
The first image in 1948 shows that there were many residential houses between local supermarket and park. Meanwhile, factories were located beside the park, and patrol station was opposite of the road. However, in the right side of canal, church was opposite of the local supermarket.  
  
By comparison, the second map in 2010 illustrates that there was a dramatic growth in the number of commercial buildings. Local supermarket was turned into commercial buildings and it was been relocated in the middle of town. Furthermore, factories disappeared and it transformed into airport. On the other hand, in the right side of canal, the church had changed into sports stadium.There were only petrol station and residential houses which had not shifted over a 6-decade period.  
  
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@Reza\_Hidayat  
Mr Reza, your overview seems unclear since you just exhibit a very general statement in your introductory sentence. Moreover, try to make your essay more flow in your first body paragraph in order to use a variety of sentence and linking words. Beside that, you have to put more attention on your word choosen to make it coherence. Following this, a slight gramatical range still shown, such as:  
  
Was been relocated -------- Was relocated (Passive voice)  
Factories disappeared and it transformed into airport ------ Factories disappeared and transformed into airport (Make it simply, because "it" refer to factory"
@Reza\_Hidayat  
Let me give you some feedback..  
The map provides a breakdown **(of)** information of American-Town...  
Overall, it could be divided in two sides under consideration were in the right and left side of canal. (I think, you must make your overview clear)  
  
Overall, it can be seen that there were some of alteration in the east and the west of village's road.  
The first image in 1948 ~~shows~~ **(showed)** that there were many residential houses between local supermarket and park.  
... it was ~~been~~ relocated in the middle of town**( Past passive voice form => S+was/were+V3)**.
Andi, your essay does not put all of the information that you were provided with to good use. You should have used the compass provided on the page in referring to the locations or directions of the development in the town over the indicated number of years. Since you did not use the compass, your presentation suffered in terms of accurate representation of locations within the summary report. This caused a sense of stress and confusion for the reader who was trying to analyze your work or use the summary you wrote for information. It also made the essay you wrote less informative than it should be. Remember, when you are presented with specific information in the illustrations, you must do your best to utilize the information in order to increase your overall score. The score increase will come from the complex sentences that you can possibly develop using the information provided, as well as prove that you have a good grasp of the English language through your lexical resource use. Based on these writing pitfalls that exist in this essay, I think you only possible score would be a 4.
## look of a town in different times

  
  
The maps illustrate Stokeford area between 1930 and 2010. It can be seen that two sites in the eastern and western of town have different features significantly in both of two years.  
  
First of all, west side from road had many farm houses in 1930 albeit 2010 had been changed to be people houses. Local people in Stakeford can bought something at shops in front of the road in 1930, but 2010 did not because it had been altered by houses. There are also similarity between both of them that was only post office.  
  
On the other hand, the eastern part in 1930 were also farmsteads although it had changed to be houses in 2010. There were also primary school in both of the years, but this experienced expanse in the last year. Garden and larger house also were in the eastern road in 1930 though it changed to be retirement home and residential people.  
  
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@tamtamii  
  
**Introduction:**  
\*In the first sentence,  
The maps illustrate Stokeford area -> you can write*the specific condition* of Stokeford area such as changes or alteration.  
\*... both of two years = 4 years -> ... both of years.  
  
**BP 1:**  
\*use the suitable preposition  
... west side ~~from~~ road ... -> ... west side **of** road ...  
\*... Stakeford can ~~bought~~ -> ... can **buy** ( modal + infinitive)  
\*There ~~are~~ also similarity ... -> There **was** also similarity ...  
  
**BP 2:**  
\*... the eastern part ... -> Part of what?  
\*There ~~were~~ also primary school -> There **was** also primary school **(use "to be" in appropriate way)**  
\*... this experienced ~~expanse~~ ... -> ... this experienced **expansion** ...  
  
*Overall, you should more pay attention about the use of suitable "to be".*
Hermin, while your paragraphs are well representative of the illustrations provided, you did not really manage to present the most coherent and cohesive information in every paragraph. This was caused by the shortness of the paragraphs that you presented and some wrong formatting of the paragraphs. For example, in the first paragraph, you were expected to present at least 3 sentences in the overall presentation of the summary. By presenting only 2 sentences, you prevented yourself from improving your task accuracy score which would have proved that you understood the prompt requirements. All you had to do in this instance, was rephrase the instructions you were provided in order to create a proper outline for your essay. Regardless of that error, you managed to present a very interesting take on the illustrations, a presentation that would probably result in a score ranging from 4-5.
## 1930 vs 2010 in some town

  
  
The maps represent of the small print at same city with two difference years. The first map interpret city in year 1930 and in another hand in 2010. For entire 8 periods Stokeford city had developed.  
  
In 1930, farmland had taken over partly of areas which filled in northern and southern areas. Many building such as a shop beside post office and large house settled at far of eastern area of post office. Time by time in 2010 witnessed a dramatic metamorphosis in the number of farmland areas eventually turned over by house in great quantities.  
  
They also eliminate the store and constructed the new buildings such as the expanded primary school and on the south side of the elementary school big house turned into a retirement home. Along with the development of many cities Stokeford has built a new service that allows easy access to the buildings they are made.  
  
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@Diahkn93  
Hi dear, your essay constructed very solid insight and but you need more pay attention into grammatical range and accuracy.  
  
the first paragraph.  
"The maps represent of the small ..." ----- there is no verb in this sentence.  
It should be "The maps represent the small print at same city with two difference in years"  
Also,  
The first map interpret city in year 1930 "The first map interprets city in year 1930" since subject is singular.  
  
The second paragraph.  
You have to constantly use same tenses. If you use past perfect, you should use same tenses in the next sentence.  
".. and large house settled at far of eastern area.." ---> "...and large house had settled at far of eastern area..."
Diah, excellent work in presenting an original take on the illustrations other than simply stating the mechanically obvious information. Your presentation shows that you analyzed the information provided and did your best to compare points of similarity and difference between the time periods. One question though, what did you mean by 8 periods in the first paragraph? If you meant to cover a period of 80 years then you should have said "80 years" or "8 generations", 8 periods is not the correct term to use in this instance as it does not make sense in the overall presentation. The excellent discussion that you delivered could garner you a score of 6 with this essay. You successfully applied your observational skills in the development of your information and presentation, which paid off in the final scoring considerations.
Topic: Some people say that tourism has many negative effects on the countries that people travel to. How true is this statement? What can tourists do to reduce the harmful effects of tourism on local cultures and environments? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience.  
  
## Tourism Growth

  
  
Nowadays, the growth of tourism and the numbers of people traveling to other countries for their holidays have led to discuss about it has many negative effects on the places. In my view, I think that the tourism have also benefits for economies and yourself.  
  
First of all, for individual, it helps in spreading of culture. We can learn more knowledge such as: life styles, foods, experience and so on. For instance, when you go to Thailand you can discover culinary which existing and interesting, you understand what they do in everyday or traditional vacations. Moreover, you will be attractive by customs of people in this place. Secondly, the traveling with my friends make us become closer and has great time together. Specially, you have never forgotten with memories of talking photos. In contrast, It has some harmful that not only environment but also personality impacts. You waste a lot money and time preparing for journey. The addition, the solid wasting and littering influence environment pollution issue, cause the death of marine animals. All of them lead us to question "What can tourist do to increase the disadvantage effects of tourism?" You should make detail plans before you start as soft skills for communication and survival, knowledge about international law to prepare for emergency causes and the most important is journey energy of you. The next, the investor should build green resorts, environment friendly, more trash bin, encourage tourist protection and harmony with nature. The tourist should use green transportation to reduce air pollution and the noise.  
  
In summary, tourism brings benefit for people, but it still negative impacts so the governments and individuals need good ways to solve and increase effects. People have to responsible about environment for places where they want to travel.
Dat due to the fact that you were being asked to discuss the negative effects of tourism throughout the essay and you chose to discuss the positive effects of tourism, with barely a reference to the negative effects, you proved that you cannot score more than a 3 on this essay. There is a clear lack of understanding on your part when it came to the discussion requirements provided by the prompt.  
  
Your essay discussed the positive effects of tourism throughout most of the essay, which was the exact opposite of the prompt instructions. You were expected to focus on the negative effects discussion. Therefore, even though you wrote almost 300 words, the length of the essay did not help you because you failed to properly paraphrase, outline, and discuss the subject you were provided.  
  
The grammar development and presentation of the essay is also a problem since your opening statement did not provide the minimum sentence count, the second paragraph should have been divided into two paragraphs since two topics were being discussed in one paragraph, and your concluding statement did not properly represent the concluding requirements either. More importantly, when you tried to discuss the proper prompt requirement in the essay you accidentally said:  
  
*"What can tourist do to increase the disadvantage effects of tourism?"*  
  
When the correct question would have been:  
  
*"What can tourist do to decrease the disadvantageous effects of tourism?"*  
  
It does not make sense for one to wish to increase the disadvantages of tourism. Specially when the prompt focus is on how to reduce the harmful effects of tourism.
Hi @Datnguyen  
Firstly, i want to suggest you to paraphrase all the prompt because it is important to lead your essay in idea that you want to deliver. In your introduction, you should introduce briefly about the way tourists should do to reduce harmful effects, so that readers will know the illustration of your essay bodies. Turning to your body paragraph, the question asks you two things, better if you divide your ideas or explanation into two paragraph based on the questions. Body one: explain about "how true is this statement?" then the explanation of the others in body two.  
  
"What can tourist do to increase the disadvantage effects of tourism?"  
but it still negative impacts so the governments and individuals need good ways to solve and increase effects.  
increase vs decrease, you may write a wrong word that confuse readers. It should be "decrease" not "increase".  
  
You deliver idea about the way tourists can do to prevent harmful in environment less deep. You need to pick one idea from many ideas to elucidate deeply, so that readers are able to understand fully your offered solution.  
  
hope it helps you
The maps below show the village of Stokeford in 1930 and 2010. **Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons were relevant.**  
  
## describing changes in stokeford

  
  
The map illustrates about the changes of Stokeford village in 1930 and 2010. It can be seen that in 1930, there was some farmland areas in the east and west of the main road, but the condition turned into housing estates in 2010.  
  
The first location of village changes was in the west of the main road. In 1930, there was a river stroke in the western village, which run from the south west to the north east of village. This river still existed in 2010 with the same location. Between river and main road, there were large farmland areas in the south of post office, but it has been changed into houses. Also, in the north site of post office, there were shops that close the office in 1930, but these buildings were turned into houses and small road in 2010.  
  
The village changes also occurred in the east of the main road. There was a small primary school in front of post office and it was expanded in 2010. In the south of school, there were a house, gardens, and a large house. The garden became housing estates and it developed along the main road, also the large house had been expanded into a retirement house. In the north of school, the farmland areas had been changed into houses and there was also a small road in 2010.  
  
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@septyndid  
  
you have done with well your essay.  
  
Overall, you built a good lexical resource and grammatical range, but some word may be repetitive for instance:  
  
the third paragraph: ........it was expanded in 2010 and ....... expanded into a retirement ------> develop or enlarge  
  
Also still stay focus on same tenses:  
  
the second paragraph:  
  
there were shops that close the office in 1930 ------> closed the office in 1930  
  
*keep writing, break a leg*
hello miss Septi  
  
i have found a few mistake in your essay such as :  
there were large farmland areas in the south of post office (you can put "the" after "of")  
  
also the large house had been expanded into a retirement house (you can just use passive perfect, not passive past perfect considering there is no time signal)  
  
In the north of school, the farmland areas had been changed into houses and there was also a small road in 2010.  
(- again, you can use passive form of present perfect = have been changed  
- or passive form of simple past if you refer "in 2010" for the whole sentence = were changed)
Septi, you can probably get a score of 5 with this essay. The essay could use some less mechanical approach to the presentation by appropriately presenting the comparison information. You did well by dividing the comparison into areas based upon the old and new land divisions. However, you tended to confuse the presentation because you merged the information for 1930 and 2010 during some points. It is always best to indicate the year you are discussing at the beginning of the paragraph and then, present the next year before you present the new set of information, still within the same paragraph. Don't leave it for the end. It is important to mention the year first so that the reader can keep track of what information is being presented within the paragraph. You did some pretty good analysis on this essay. However, the comparisons were affected by the problematic presentation. Don't worry though, you were accurate enough in the presentation that the information was somehow, still understandable by the reader.
*Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers*  
  
## Youth Wrong Path

  
  
Youths are the building blocks of any developing nation. However, recently it is observed that infants are committing many crimes. Psychology professionals claim that it is due to the lack of parenting and teaching effect. In my opinion, I completely agree with the argument and I will explain this in my essay.  
  
Firstly, Parents are so busy in their life today that they are not giving focus on their children. This is because, they have found the alternative for parenting in the form of day care and due to this, the children's are not getting proper care and etiquettes when they are growing up. As a result, they didn't attach much with their parents and comes in the contacts of cheap people, who do a crime like pick pocketing, bullying people for money, which leads them to commit crimes too. For instance, children's of both working parents are less groomed than comparing to those who have their single parent working. This problem can be resolved if one of the members in families takes responsibility to take care of their child and keep an eye on their activities.  
  
Secondly, Teachers also plays a vital role in grooming up children. Nevertheless, they also seem to do teaching just for sake of job. Therefore, students are not getting the proper knowledge and guidance which will help them to build a prosperous career. As a consequence of this, they are bunking schools and making contacts with the people who encourage them to do antisocial activities which are not only harmful to the society but also for the future of that individual. For example, In Pakistan, many children are quitting schools and getting trained in ISIS camps which lead them to become a Terrorist. And To prevent the youths from deviating their paths, teachers should guide them and teach them the knowledge which is helpful in growing them up.  
  
In conclusion, it is undeniable that today youths are following the wrong path due to lack of parenting and teaching. However, these problems are not insurmountable strict steps from their guardians and mentors can help them to protect their future.
Mayank, the first thing that struck me in your opening statement is the mistake in your term usage. You used the term infant to describe the juvenile offenders. Since an infant is aged 0-2 years old, there is absolutely no way these children can do the sort of crimes implicated in the prompt. This mistake in your use of lexical terms will cost you a tremendous deduction in lexical resource points. This shows a clear lack of understanding of English terms and the inability to use the term properly. While the rest of your essay supports your agreement with the prompt, this glaring lexical mistake, along with the problematic grammar and sentence development will result in this essay possible getting a score of 5. While your line of reasoning shows promise, the two problem points held back the possible higher score of your essay.
## Part of history of an American town

  
  
The map gives us the information about the different condition American town in 1948 and 2010. It can be seen, that almost the entire town had been changed so far, just a little area that still on the same condition over decades.  
  
There was a major shift in the northeastern of the town. Overall the area was not like it used to be. The number of factories had disappeared and turned into a commercial building and the airport. In the near of eastern area, the big field opposite right to the petrol station had taken over by the supermarket. In the western side, local supermarket and residential house were became commercial buildings.  
  
In the eastern side, the residential house remained on the same condition and there was not changed of amount at all. For the southwestern side, the major transformation that could see in the future was a church shifted with the sport stadium.
*hello koganta, in the task, there is no concluding paragraph and few grammar mistakes are noted. It would be better if the given map is attached along with the answer.*  
  
{The map gives us the information about the different condition ...} *It should be rephrased.*  
{It can be seen, that almost the entire town had been ...} *I think it is better to be placed in the concluding para*  
  
{Overall the area was not like it used to be.} *This opinion sentence should not be written in the body para, rather should also be in the concluding para.*  
  
{... right to the petrol station **had taken over** by the supermarket.} *passive ovice - had been taken over by*  
  
{In the western side, local supermarket and residential house **were became** commercial buildings.} *became*  
  
{there was **not changed** of amount at all.} *no change of*  
  
{the major transformation that could see **in the future** was a church shifted **with** the sport stadium.} *no idea what it means*