dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***Some people think that developing countries need financial help from international organizations.  
Others think that it is practical aid and advice that is needed.***  
## Discuss these views and give your own opinion

:  
  
Key:  
There has been a long-standing debate about whether donation of money or practical help is more beneficial to developing nations. From my point of view, I believe practical aid and consultancy play a more important role than financial assistance.  
  
To begin with, donating money to developing countries may be ineffective for the following reasons. Firstly, in case of corruption, the money could end up not being able to reach the people in need. Secondly, there is a high chance that governments or non-governmental organizations receiving financial help make wrong decisions in dispensing the money. This is mainly because some developing nations still lack a number of well-qualified and efficient staffs in fields like finance or infrastructure.  
  
Comparing to financial assistance, practical helps appear to be more superior when it comes to bettering third world countries. It is obvious that essentials like food or water stand a lower chance of being misappropriated. In addition, people in flooded or far-flung regions would appreciate practical help more as in those places there are few shops to spend money on. Another point deserves considering is that giving advice to developing countries and let them figure out the solutions to their problems on their own helps those countries to flourish in the long run. Since it is impossible for poor countries to receive foreign aid all the time, it is advisable that international organizations help them to be self-sufficient.  
  
In conclusion, I insist that practical help and advice is more crucial to poor nations than financial assistance.
I do not know what else to tell this writer. He is constantly making the same mistakes in his presentations regardless of the advice that I provide to him. He is obviously not reading my comments / listenting to my corrections, which is why the same mistakes are made repeatedly, regardless of the advice received. The student is partial to this discussion type for his practices, even though he fails to correct his presentation in any way. Repeated mistakes means the student is incapable of learning from his errors. I am slowly being convinced that this student will not be able to pass the IELTS test because he is incapable of learning how to respond to the essays.
## The graph below shows how people buy music

  
  
The line graph illustrates the amount of people who buy music from 2011 to 2018. Generally, music sold on streams significant rose all over the period whereas people who purchased by CDs were declining steadily. People who bought music by downloading method went up at first before decreasing until 2018.  
  
First of all, selling music by streams stood at approximately 5 percent in 2011 followed by a steady increase which overtook the other two ways in 2016 and 2017 before reaching to just over 40 in 2018. The amount of CDs purchased began at roughly 55 then it reduced noticeably to the lowest point which is about 25 in 2018.  
  
Secondly, the number of downloads climbed gradually in the beginning until 2014 when it reached the peak point of on average about just over 40 before jumping suddenly to 30 percent in 2018.  
  
To conclude, streaming is the most popular way to sell music as most people buy it in streams whereas selling by CDs is the least.  
  
*
The writer was doing a good job of representing percentages, but then stopped referring to alternate words for percentage. This left the reader confused and wondering if percentages were still being discussed. continued use of synonyms for the key measurement reference was needed for good scores in the LR, C + C, and G R A sections. Always refer to keywords in various ways.  
  
Each paragraph is a very busy run-on presentation. Kindly use 3-5 sentences in 3 paragraphs to properly meet the paragraph format considerations. These rushed sentence presentations lower the C + C section even further due to the lack of explanation development and clarity.  
  
A task 1 essay need not be concluded. This is a report, not an opinion essay.
@Holt actually examined your writing enough so I will only provide some considerable advices.  
  
At the second paragraph, you wrote CDs purchased decreased negligibly. It doesn't make sense since it dropped by merely a half from the peak. The more proper word should be dramatically.  
  
Also, it seems hard not only to you, but also to me when you divided 2 bodies regarding 3 products. I mean, doesn't it became easier when u distribute it in terms of two periods of time? You can make comparisons, which does not appear in your writing, such as when the downloads equal CDs purchased in 2013 and the streams dominate CDs in 2016.  
  
These are two advices that I could suggest you. Hope u this read carefully.  
  
Cheers,
***Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things.  
Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it.***  
## Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

  
  
Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. With the development of technology and the economy, nowadays, people have so many ways to introduce their products to the consumer, and advertising is one of the best successes as it appears everywhere in our lives, from TV, newspaper, panel to flyer. Advertising makes things not only more lively and attractive but also adding some meaningful slogans to encourage the consumer to buy.  
  
But in another hand, other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. It is understandable because some advertising is being used to overreacting the products that make disappointed to consumers when they actually buy but it is not qualified as was advertised. Time by time, consumer gradually lost their trusting in advertising and starting care more about the product information before decided to buy it or not, and they might rather see it on real to make the decision.  
  
In my opinion, there is no doubt that advertising plays a very successful role to make people buy things. But also have to admit the high prediction, that people could no longer care about it. Quality advertising is the fastest and the most effective way to bring products to consumers, but it might not work out if the real products are not the same as what it was advertising. So I think people could ignore advertising if it delivering the wrong message and the real quality of the products.
**First and foremost,**, you write in a wrong format. WriTask2 requires 4 paragraphs, containing an opening, 2 bodies and a conclusion. This would be an enormous minus point to u.  
  
**Secondly,** you make an over-average amount of grammar mistakes in your writing. Thus, I suggest you use GoogleDoc to correct them.  
  
**Last but most important,** let's take a look at your essay:  
1) First paragraph: You only referred that "advertising is one of the best successes as it appears everywhere in our lives". Does successequal frequency? No matter the answer, you have to outline some evidence to prove it, which is not outlined. The only things you described are slogans, which do not actually correspond with the idea. => Minus regarding the Coherence and cohesion (CC).  
  
2) Second paragraph: "disappointed to consumers when they actually buy but it is not qualified as was advertised.". I think the relationship between two ideas here is definitely not CONTRARY, but it is CAUSE-RESULT. Therefore, the more appropriate word should be due to. In addition, the idea is "no longer pay attention" but you wrote " care more about the product information". Isn't it confusing? => Again, minus regarding CC.  
  
3) Third para:"the high prediction, that people could no longer care about it." => The prompt is that the notion of paying less attention on those products is recent, not future. => A confusing term.  
  
4) Grammar complexity: the main issue is not paraphased so it proves that you don't have the required ability.  
  
Cheers.
## Task 2:Everybody should stay at school until the age of 18. What extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
From the far past, when education was born and has been used widely till nowadays, people who had the condition to study at school mainly decided to stay until the age of 18. Nevertheless, some people in recent days show the opposite viewpoint, claiming that pupils should quit school before they are 18 since there are more significant factors that they have to explore, such as pressure at work. This essay will elaborate on both viewpoints and provide a personal perspective.  
  
On the one hand, a complete education will equip students with sufficient knowledge and life skills. In other words, schools nowadays provide a wide range of subjects, from social one including history and literature, to scientific one, such as mathematics and physics. These are vital knowledge for a person to deal with life issues and make a living in the future, as people with a certain qualification are more likely to find a job than ones without it. Therefore, in the long term, staying at school will assure the opportunity to earn a significant amount of income.  
  
On the other hand, moral values such as tolerance and sharing, which play an important role in building up a person's behavior, are the actual schools' aim to teach young people, which also means that these significant virtues are not learned from only practical life. By this way, how they treat and communicate with other people, especially someone important for their life like your job employer, will impact on those students' life. In fact, even if your abilities are not impressive, you can still get a job by showing nice behavior. This clearly claims that vocational skills are not the most crucial factor that the employers can criticize on, but social skills learned from school.  
  
In conclusion, it is not necessary to quit school hastily to experience life's pressure when you can learn how to cope with it at school. Thus, governments should encourage students to stay at school until they are mature enough and ready to contribute to their own country.  
  
P/s: @Holt, can you give me an advice to shorten but sharpen your writing. I just don't figure it out how to write less, while still maintain the contents.
**Topic:  
## Explain some of the ways in which humans are damaging the environment.

  
*What governments do to address these problems? What can individuals do to help?***  
  
Nowadays, environmental pollution is becoming a serious problem all over the world. And humans are known as the reason for this problem. So we have to find a solution to minimize our impact on the environment. This essay will discuss environmental problems and what government and individuals can do to address these problems.  
  
There are many ways that people are destroying the environment. First, as life becomes more modern and busy, people would rather use their vehicles than public ones. Exhaust fumes from vehicles can lead to global warming. And we are also producing ever greater quantities of waste, for instance: plastic bags, plastic bottles, straws and so on, which are contaminating the rivers, the oceans. And factories are also making the bad effects on the environment by gas emissions and industrial waste.  
  
The government could certainly make more effort to reduce environmental pollution. They could introduce laws to force the factories to use renewable energy from solar, wind, or water power to reduce gas emissions and force them to tightly control the water waste before discharging it into the environment. And they should improve the qualities of public transports to encourage individuals to use them more frequently. Finally, they could popularize the environmental protection responsibility to raise the awareness of people. Individuals should take responsibility for the impact they have on the environment. First, we should choose the products that are friendly with the environment like reusable bags and bottles, paper or grass straws... to limit our waste. Next, we must put the rubbish in the garbage can and sort the waste correctly.  
  
In conclusion, both government and individuals should take steps to solve the environmental problems.
If the writer reviews the prompt requirements, it will be clear that this is a 5 paragraph essay composed of:  
  
- Prompt restatement + question responses / answer outline  
- What governments do to address these problems?  
- What can individuals do to help?  
- Reverse paraphrase / concluding summary  
  
The response of the writer does not adequately present developed responses because of the incorrect discussion and response format. The explanation could be better explained if the individual response paragraph format was used. While the writer does provide proper responses. These are not adequately explained to warrant a stronger overall score. That is because of the compressed discussion topics. Separating these would have created a better developed presentation.  
  
The conclusion does not have the correct format either. It must be presented within 40 words comprised of 2-3 sentences (at least).
Here is my feedback  
  
Firstly, the way linking words such as "and", "so" used throughout this essay is improper. These linking words should not be put at the beginning of the sentences like what the writer did. It is not the way that an essay should be written  
  
Secondly, the first paragraph for human activities is inappropriately written. In term of the first reason, the writer should make clearer explanation why the use of personal vehicles will lead to global warming because the public transports such as buses also release emission to the air. The second and third explanations were not even developed and supported. He just move from a cause to another one with no reasonable explanation. In my opinion, the writer should have at least 1 sentence to explain for each reason he had mentioned.  
  
Thirdly, the conclusion only summarized the second paragraph with no regarding to the first one about human activities. In addition to that, the conclusion is too general and could not summarize the above-mentioned ideas properly.
I really wanna know how scored I could get. So yeah, I appreciate your all reviews. Thank you for helping me. Hope I get your feedback soon. <3 Love!! So here is the topic and my essay  
  
***More and more young people from wealthy countries are spending a short time in communities in poorer countries doing unpaid work such as teaching or building houses.***  
  
## Why? Who benefits more from this, the community or these young people.

  
  
Nowadays, there is an increase in the number of youngsters from developed countries moving to poorer countries to do charitable work. There are many good grounds to explain this trend and Personally, I hold a strong belief that both the community and young people could reap benefits from this work.  
  
On the one hand, there are diverse explanations why the young spend more time helping the communities in underprivileged countries. The first reason is that the development of transportation and technology make the tendency more popular. Young people in wealthy nations can easily go to less developed countries and access information about the material life of suffering people here, thanks to the convenience of transportation and the ubiquity of the Internet. For instance, poignant images and stories young adults witness on the Internet are ways to understand how difficult the poor are without housing and education, making them feel more sympathetic and arouse a sense of community. The second reason is that young people want to beautify their CVs to gain scholarships or increase the odds of finding jobs. Recruiters always value those who have voluntary experience because they are hard-working, devoted, and kind-hearted. As a result, they have a head start over those without charitable work when applying for jobs or scholarships.  
  
On the other hand, there is no doubt that both young individuals and the communities would derive benefits from this trend. To begin with, taking part in unpaid work offers young people many golden opportunities to acquire hands-on experience. Embracing new cultures and having new relationships not only help them broaden their horizons but also improve confidence and life skills such as solving problems. This helps them understand more about their value and inspire others in making the world better  
  
In a nutshell, youngsters in affluent countries moving to poorer countries to volunteer becomes more popular because of certain reasons. I suppose that this trend is advantageous to both the young and the society.
The student cannot recieve a passing score for this essay. The discussion response provided does not align itself with the given discussion questions. For clarity:  
  
Questions:WHY? WHO BENEFITS MORE FROM THIS, THE COMMUNITY OR THESE YOUNG PEOPLE.  
Response 1: There are many good grounds to explain this trend - Does not directly answer "why?"  
Response 2: both the community and young people - Writer must pick only one of the two options for his solid response. Hint: The community encompasses all the members of the group, inclusive of young people.  
  
because of certain reasons  
Recap the reasons for the summary conclusion.  
  
I suppose  
So you are no longer sure of the validity of your previous response? This is nota good place to suddenly have doubts as it will alter the TA score based on opinion clarity.
***TOPIC:  
Some people argue that the government should give every unemployed person a mobile phone and should make sure they have access to the Internet.  
They believe this is the best way of using public money to reduce the problem of unemployment.***  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
Some people hold a belief that it is the responsibility of the government to provide a mobile phone to every unemployed and check out their capacity of accessing the Internet in order to decrease the rate of unemployment. While there are beneficial giving jobless people access to the Internet, I think that it is not the best method, as there are different ways of spending the national expenditures for reducing the percentage of unemployment.  
  
In the one hand, providing phones to unemployed individuals is beneficial in some ways. Firstly, it can increase the success rate of people seeking jobs online. As a consequence of technology's development, there are more businesses and agencies recruiting employers through various social media, such as LinkedIn or Facebook. Therefore, giving jobless people permission to access the Internet will increase their chances of finding a suitable career. Moreover, there are some careers that can be done through the Internet, or social media, for example, blog management. If the individuals are allowed on Internet access, the number of options is sure higher.  
  
In the other hand, there are more appropriate ways of spending the national budget in order to reduce the percentage of unemployment. Firstly, as the government cannot control the activities of every citizen, the methods of providing smartphones for every jobless individual seems to be impossible and inefficient, as there is no assurance that the unemployed will make full use of smartphones and the Internet as expectation. Therefore, it is more reasonable and efficient for the government to construct vocational schools for skills learning and training, in order to meet the demands and expectations of agencies. In addition, the government also can make the labour markets more flexible for hiring employers, or lend jobless citizens the capital funds to start their own businesses.  
  
In conclusion, there are advantages of providing smartphones for citizens who are unemployed and giving permission for Internet access, however, more appropriate and efficient methods to spending national budgets in reducing unemployment rate can be made instead of the said one.
The student did an acceptable job in the prompt restatement but failed to provide an appropriate question response. Refer below for a specific comparison.  
  
Question: TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?  
Response: I think that it is not the best method...  
  
The student has created a clear response deviation. This caused a change in the reasoning presentation as well.The writer opted to use an advantage v. disadvantage reasoning presentation instead. These changes totally altered the expected response format. The writer no longer delivers the required discussion elements as required by the major scoring sections. The student must be conscious of the varying response formats and how these must be presented in essay form to recieve a proper score.
## IELTS Writing task 1: U.S energy consumption by fuel

  
  
The line charts below illustrate the amount of energy consumed in the UK from 1980 to 2030.  
There are five in six types of fuel were underwent upward, while hydropower was the only energy experience slowly downward in 50 - period times. Overall, petrol and oil have identified the fuel which will have been the highest and hydropower was conjectured the lowest even thought in the future.  
  
There was a fluctuated strongly in the number of the petrol and oil's consumption in fifteen years in the past, followed by a dramatic growth to 2021, which have been exposed at 43 quadrillion units, and finally reach at 50 quadrillion units in 2030, which can be evaluated the highest point, according to the projection. Even though coal was less than coal 5 quadrillion units at the beginning, however, after having been experienced an unsteady rose from 1980 to 2015, the energy absorption of coal plateau enormously and stands at 33 quadrillion units.  
  
In an opposite way, Natural gas will have been known to remain unchanged until 2030.  
In addiction, three types of fuel also stood similar in 4 quadrillion units in 1980, nuclear and solar/ wind were underwent a slow increase to 2021 with conjecture until 2030 could be reached at 7 quadrillion units and 5 quadrillion units, respectively. Otherwise, Hydropower was projected will have been a gradual drop about at 4 quadrillion units in 2030, which will be the lowest energy consumption in the chart.
The line charts below  
Note that noimages were provided for the report. Therefore, a positioning reference for the charts becomes unnecessary and useless.The number of charts provided would have been more helpful in this presentation.  
  
There are five in six types of fuel were underwent upward  
Lack of thought clarity, use either past or present tense depending on the year references. Indicate what went upward as well. The information indicated is confusing. There is no reference to a clear information analysis.  
  
50 - period times  
What fifty period times? Did you mean to indicate a half century marker? The writer has so far, shown a lack of familiarity with English words and its meaning, along with a lack of proper usage. There is also a problem with his ability to form coherent sentences. These are the current major failing points of the presentation.