dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
I think you should modify your language a little bit to make it more beautiful. Some words appear too many times in your writing and you have made some grammar mistakes. I have some recommendations:  
  
- ...with a kind eye which through ... -> I think " ... with bright eyes in which I can see the happiness ..." will be better.  
  
- ... his happiness comes from... " but I love the whole sentence to be something like: " ...the reason for this is his job..."  
  
- the most hard-working person  
- ... her actions ~~that she took~~ ...-> There is no need for it  
- ... is always worried  
- ... usually tells jokes  
They are just a few to list. But overall you have used a wide range of vocabulary and this is really impressive! Keep trying and practicing then you will make progress!
Quang, the essay lacks a proper introduction for every family member. Remember that you are introducing your parents to the listening audience. As such, you must create a lively, engaging, and imaginative introduction for your mom and dad. So don't just say "dad". Instead. Give a backgrounder. Something like; "It is said that a child grows up placing one of the parents on a pedestal. I guess that is why I grew up idolizing my dad. He is a man of ..." and for your mother, you could explain that; "All children grow up learning the social basics of friendship, trust, care, and unconditional love. These are the lessons that I learned from my mother. My mother, she is the kind of person who..." By using the descriptive topic sentences and proper transition sentences between character presentations, the essay will have a smoother flow and more interesting topics to present when getting to know your parents.
**Topic: It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environment, such as the South Pole. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?**  
  
## Wilderness tourism

  
  
Wilderness tourism is increasingly popular in recent years, which has sparked a bitter debate over the pros and cons of this brand-new services. Personally, I firmly believe that large-scale travels to remote areas should be considered meticulously before being launched due to their possible detriments  
  
On the one hand, adventure tourism should be encouraged for several reasons. Firstly, journeys to isolated regions are referred as remedies for unquenchable curiosity of human being. Discovering pristine lands empower travellers to push out the horizon of their knowledge and enjoying unforgettable memories with Mother of Nature. Secondly, this kind of tourism is also beneficial from a economic perspective. Being aimed at high-spending visitors, the so-called upper-crust services contribute considerably to the revenue of tourism firms and native countries, as well as creating millions of jobs worldwide. Thirdly, those journeys grant man the opportunities for a sustainable future. There is probably fossil fuel and other valuable resources remained unknow in those locations, waiting to be discovered by the pioneers.  
  
On the other hand, voyages to isolated territories are not without their shortcomings. The ecosystem in those areas are at risk with the burgeon of tourism. Once outsiders flock to these fragile environment, such as Sahara desert or the South Pole, the habitats might be destroyed. This in turn lead to massive loss of endangered species. Furthermore, overexploitation and tourism can result in the demise of traditional customs and heritages of native tribes for the sake of adaption to tourists' lifestyle. Obviously, it is irrational to gamble environmental and cultural stability of these tranquil lands on satisfying a small groups of population.  
  
In conclusion, like two sides of a coin, wilderness expeditions have their own set of merits and demerits. Thus, wary contemplation and approaches must be adopted in order to minimize the hazards exerted by those journeys.
Nguyen, indefinite article reference rules have always indicated that "a" is used for consonant starting words, while "an" is used for vowel beginning or sounding words. This is a GRA mistake you committed in reference to the following:  
  
... tourism is also beneficial from a economic perspective...  
... AN economic...  
  
You have also added to your GRA mistakes because of a problem with your noun phrase presentation:  
  
Once outsiders flock to these fragile environment...  
... fragile ENVIRONMENTS...  
  
These is the plural form of "this" and must follow the appropriate plural description in a sentence presentation of a subject. You made this error several times in the essay presentation. Please be cognizant of the plural presentation rules the next time you write a practice essay. Include a review of word capitalization rules as well as the "Sahara Desert" is a proper noun, it refers to an actual place name, desert is not a descriptive term in this instance and must be capitalized. Also, make sure you use the appropriate punctuation marks at the end of every sentence. Specially at the end of a paragraph. The period is used to indicate a complete sentence presentation.  
  
Now, I have to point out the obvious here. Your response is incorrect. You have deviated from the singular opinion essay presentation by discussing both points of views and delivering an unrelated response in the prompt paragraph. This caused the essay to alter its objective from the original. The correct presentation is:  
  
*People from all walks of life can now visit the most hard to reach places on earth. An example of this hard to reach place is the North Pole. I believe, that although there are advantages to this travel ability, the disadvantages far outweigh the benefits this form of travel offers.*  
  
From that point, your 2 reasoning paragraphs should be focused on explaining what these reasons are and why these are considered disadvantages. There should not be a discussion of the advantages because that is not the main discussion point from the original prompt.
Thank you very much for having corrected my mistakes. I practice writing all the time, but I am always confused because I don't know how to improve it and what are the problems of my writing. Your comment helps me a lot.  
  
I just have one more question. Is it right that when the question is "Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?", I should explain what the reasons are and why they are merits/demerits? And when the question is "Discuss advantages and disadvantages of this practice.", I am expected to explain what are pros and cons in my two reasoning paragraphs?
Nguyen, let's tackle this one question at a time. Also, thanks for asking. If you really want to learn, you should not hesitate to ask questions. I'll be happy to explain to you whenever I have the time to do so. So, the first question is:  
  
... "Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?", ... reasons are and why they are merits/demerits?  
- This type of question requires advanced essay writing skills because each reasoning paragraph needs to be composed of the following:  
  
Sentence 1: Advantage (single) topic.  
Sentence 2: Supporting reason  
Sentence 3: Transition sentence to the disadvantage  
Sentence 4: Disadvantage topic (importance of the disadvantage)  
Sentence 5: Supporting reason  
  
The same format for sentence discussions should be followed in the next paragraph as well. Then the concluding summary should be composed of:  
Sentence 1: Reverse paraphrase of the discussion topic  
Sentence 2: Personal opinion (if required in the original prompt)  
Sentence 3: advantage and disadvantage topic sentence presentation from 1st reasoning paragraph  
Sentence 4: advantage and disadvantage topic presentation from the 2nd reasoning paragraph  
Sentence 5: Closing sentence  
  
Now, for the second question:  
... "Discuss advantages and disadvantages of this practice.", ... explain what are pros and cons in my two reasoning paragraphs?...  
- Yes. This is, again, an advanced essay writing test that will use the same format as above, or the one for the "Do the advantages..." question.  
  
I hope my explanation helps and clears your confusion somehow.
TOPIC:  
*"Some people believe that time spent on television, video and computer games can be beneficial to children. Others believe this has negative effects on a child."*  
  
## future generations in the 4.0 era

  
  
ESSAY:  
Nowadays, the massive development of the media has made a great contribution to society, which includes edfuture generations in the 4.0 erawever, whether studying on television, video and computer games can bring more benefits than negative effects is a controversial issue. I believe that we should make the most of those materials to support children to study better.  
  
First, it is true that the information resource from the Internet is enormous and in every domain in life. This means that there is no obstacle for pupils to discover the world around and fill up their minds with just a computer or a television. The lessons applied the progressive technology allow students to visualize lively and experience in the most practical ways. For example, with the presence of 3-D technology, parents now are able to bring a Jurassic world with all types of dinosaurs into their child's room. Therefore, the media is an essential tool that plays a critical role in schools.  
  
Those who harbor the view that the Internet, television and computer games negatively affect their children are partly right. These days, many adolescents are addicted to playing online games and gradually drifting away from the society outside. Moreover, the world on the Internet is also very sophisticated that the learners may neglect the study purpose to sink themselves into the virtual experience. This, notwithstanding, can be circumscribed if youngsters are guided to utilize the Internet properly by not only the teachers but their parents. Thus, in spite of the potential risks, the pros still outweigh the cons.  
  
In conclusion, what schools and families should do is to get technology involved in education programs of future generations in the 4.0 era. Simultaneously, it is crucial to supervise the activities of children in order to ensure that they do not misuse the media.
***Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?***  
  
## The Role of Advertising in Consumer Decision

  
  
It is true that many people who were influenced by advertising by companies to buy their products. I partially agree that some people would make a purchase because of advertisements, but there are still some people make decisions depending on their real needs.  
  
Advertising is a good way to promote a new product and it has some influences on people's buying behaviour. In most of the dramas, some products are always shown in the specific plot and also the main roles introduce the function of products in order to catch the audience's attention. Such kind of marketing method is called product placement, which can persuade people to make orders. Smartphone, for example, is usually used to demonstrate its new function in dramas, so audiences easily get a good impression on it. The possibility for people to buy the products is therefore increasing.  
  
However, most people make purchases because of their real needs. While advertising could leave a good impression of products to people, they would think about the necessity of buying goods according to their income. Costumers would be impossible to buy products that they can not affordable on the ground that it may lead them to overdrafts. Some people, for an instance, who are indulged in buying designer labels, are not able to pat bill all a time. Once the new products hit them, they make orders without considering how much their income is. Therefore, they gradually have to pay lots of bills but could not pay it all in time. Finally, they become bankrupt and no one can help them.  
  
In conclusion, while advertising has some impacts on people's buying behaviour, they would still make a decision depended on their real needs.
Jean, while this is a very well developed response to the prompt that shows an ability to discuss connected topics within paragraphs, you have still made a few errors along the way that could affect the higher scoring consideration for your essay. In the following line, you created a contradictory phrase:  
  
... that they can not ...  
- You must write " can not" as one word "cannot". As 2 separate words you are saying "I am able but not able" at the same time. However, the meaning of "cannot", one word, clearly means "unable to". Remember the word difference.  
  
Additional sentence errors include:  
Costumers would be impossible to buy products that they can not affordable on the ground  
- ... would FIND IT impossible to... they CANNOT AFFORD on the GROUNDS... (Plural consideration: Customers, products require uniform reference representations)  
  
- ... for ~~an~~ instance  
- ... who ~~are~~ indulge~~d~~ in buying designer labels, (signifies and ongoing action)  
  
- ... to pat bill all a time  
- PAY BILLS ALL THE TIME (grammar review and editing oversight)  
  
Your work has potential. Just remember, you need 3 sentences minimum with every paragraph, including the concluding summary. Aside from repeating your point of view, a reference to the supporting reasons is also required as a recap of the full essay.
## Some universities offer online courses as an alternative to classes delivered on campus.

  
***Do you think this is a positive or negative development?***  
  
Most universities tend to integrate technology into classroom learning and teaching so more and more online course are published in the Internet and replace the face-to face class .From my perspective, this trend has both negative and positive impacts on students' learning outcomes because of some ideas which are shown below.  
  
On the one hand, offering online courses at university can be beneficial in several ways. Firstly, this way of learning allow students to study at home. Due to the proliferation of the Internet, a myriad of learner are able to access the online learning with the flexible learning schedules. Furthermore , lower costs and the widespread presence of the Internet offer the unlimited numbers of participants regardless of not only their financial demanding but also current living places. Hoc24h is the prime example, which yield the reasonable-priced online courses for all indigent students in Vietnam.  
  
On the other hand, online courses are a poor substitute for traditional classes delivered at university. Without being regular-face-to-face interaction with teacher in class , this can lead to the lower learning outcome for students. During the course, they rarely make friend and compete with their virtual friend on the internet so they can feel lack of motivation and stimuli for scholastic success. Moreover, some student could be exploited by some unworthy and counterfeit online course. Because of lack of control on the quantity, some students feel sense of confusion on the suitable class ,even they can be taken advantages for the financial problem.  
  
In conclusion, having online courses available to choose from while at university benefits students in a number of ways. However, their drawbacks in terms of decreased learning outcomes should be accounted for
Pham, this being your first post at this forum, I would like to focus first on the most common mistake that IELTS essay writing beginners always make. That is, the misunderstanding of how to approach the prompt discussions. In this essay, you are given a choice. Is this a positive OR negative development. You are not being asked if the topic is a positive AND negative development. The inclusion of the word OR indicates an alternative choice. Therefore, you are to choose only one side to discuss in the essay.  
  
That is always the rule for these Task 2 essays unless you are dealing with a comparative or direct question essay. This topic needed to have only side of the discussion supported within 2 reasoning paragraphs. This was not supposed to become a comparison essay. Therefore, you did not properly approach the prompt requirement and should not expect to get a passing score with this type of discussion approach. Please read the other Task 2 essay samples at this forum to become better educated about the types of Task 2 essays and how the writer is expected to discuss it so that you can avoid these discussion mistakes in the future.  
  
As of now, I will give you a pass regarding your grammar issues, which would have further pulled down the final test scores because of its effects on your GRA score. I will only begin to review your other points for correction once you have shown me that you understand how to discuss the Task 2 essay based on the prompt requirements. Once you can respond to the requirements properly, we can work on fixing your other problem points. For now, learn how to respond to the prompts first. That is what matters the most as of now.
*Topic:* **Some people think that the detailed criminal description on newspaper and TV has bad influences, so this kind of information should be restricted on the media. To what extend do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## why the crime details should be hidden

  
  
The struggles between criminals and jurisprudence, chaos and order, good and evil are the endless races in the history of mankind. In order to protect justice and raise awareness of crimes, a lot of governments adopted a method which presents loads of images and information related directly to a crime or crime scene but it has been being protested by some protestors due to its negative impacts and they wish to abandon this kind of approach. To fully dissent with the above opinion, this essay will prove that the way governments using is practical based on the usefulness of behavior education, lowering the crime rates and protecting people.  
  
Firstly, it is said that if the detail of a case is displayed to the public, the society will have a clear picture of the present legal updates and thus, one can be far from being an immoral. For example, when an immigrant comes to a new district, a conflict occurs between him and a local, after the fight, he ends up in a prison due to lack of legislation knowledge. It means that a man would never commit a crime unless never the state has demonstrated an identical case with specific data.  
  
In addition, the rising in education of criminals leads to a more cautious behavior so as to avoid an infringement and danger situation. For instance, imagine you watched the latest news and knew that the alley in front of you is full of mobsters, you will find an alternative route to get to your destination safely. In other word, a person would conduct an act of dodging the worst perspective.  
  
To sum up, to ban the truthful criminal files appearing on mass media is not a wise choice because only they are able to educate people to abide by the law and avert the direst plight.
Cao, as I have stated several times before to other students, there is a difference between the UK and American English spelling of certain words. The UK spelling tends to favor the use of vowels in their spelling of words and changing the spelling formation of words when compared to the English counterparts. This is something that you need to be more familiar with in the future so as to increase your LR score. In this essay, you spelled (UK spelling) behaviour in the American way (US spelling) , behavior. While the reviewer tends to overlook these small spelling errors, using the UK spelling when possible could help to boost your spelling accuracy considerations.  
  
Familiarize yourself with the rules regarding comma usage. Normally, any sentence that connects 2 ideas in the sentence presentation using the word "but" needs to have comma before the conjunction. That was a GRA mistake that you made in this essay. There is also a punctuation convention ruling you have to follow when using a comma known as an Oxford comma. This is a multiple usage comma that is used to represent the final data in a series of information presentation such as:  
  
*The struggles between criminals and jurisprudence, chaos **,** and order...*  
  
Okay, now that we have the punctuations out of the way, you need to be called on the writing mistakes you made with this essay. For starters, you cannot write more than 275-300 words (ideally) since you only have 40 minutes to complete this task. Your opening paraphrase is the main reason why you overwrote in this essay. Rather than simply providing a prompt restatement, you create a whole backstory and flowery response to the simple question posted. Your paraphrase should have been as simple as:  
  
*With an over focus on illustrative information for acts of lawlessness, it is believed that the news media has become a negative force. As such, there are groups that believe limiting society's exposure to these type of news should be prevented. I fully disagree with this statement based on a few factors.*  
  
Your first paragraph did not approach the presentation the proper manner and caused a long winded approach to something that must always be straightforward in this type of presentation. Please remember that next time. Simply paraphrase, in a direct manner, and do it within 3-5 sentences. Your reasoning paragraphs are also not in line with the given topic for discussion and has altered the whole conversation in the process. Hence you created a prompt deviation which is definitely a scoring consideration concern.  
  
Overall, this is not a well developed, nor properly discussed essay. It is a good effort in terms of a language and writing exercise, but it doesn't deliver the proper requirements when it comes to the overall Task 2 considerations.
## human activities impact on the natural world

  
  
It is undeniable that human disturbance is the primary cause of environmental degradation. This essay will discuss some human-caused environmental issues and propose some approaches for authorities and individuals to tackle these.  
  
Among the countless environmental problems caused by human activities, global-warming and waste disposal are the most serious ones. To meet the needs of the growing population, humans have emitted excessive greenhouse gases into the atmosphere, leading to global warming, which causes the melting of polar ice caps, rise in sea levels and unpredictable weather patterns. Our throwaway culture also results in a massive amount of waste that is difficult to recycle and takes hundreds of years to biodegrade.  
  
Governments must be the first to take steps to deal with these issues. One suggested solution would be imposing a restriction on the amount of toxic gas and hazardous waste containing poisonous chemicals that release into the environment by factories. Another way would be raising the public awareness of environmental problems, recycling methods, and energy conservation through media and education.  
  
Not only authorities but individuals should make attempts to preserve the environment. To achieve this important goal, people should use more environmentally friendly products. For instance, when going to stores or supermarkets, shoppers should bring their own paper bags and refuse to take home the plastic ones. Moreover, to reduce exhaust fume, it is advisable for people to travel more on foot, by bike or public transports rather than by automobile. In Dutch, famous for its green transportation, the majority of population cycles to school and work.  
  
In conclusion, human activities have made a detrimental impact on the natural world, so governments and individuals should join hands to soften it.