dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Question**: *People these days watch TV, films and other programmes alone rather than with other people. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?*  
  
These days, entertainment media offers its audience various ways for self-entertainment, one of which is watching the show in solitude. In my opinion, although this current trend provides unneglectable benefits, there are some other opportunities that will be missed out.  
  
One of the primary reasons that insular viewing habits appealing to certain people would be the essence of higher concentration and appreciation for the work of arts. There are certain shows that require utter attention from viewers to fully understand, absorb, and appreciate the artistry, metaphorical messages, and cinematography that the art producer intends to deliver. As a result, watching shows in solitude is considered as a way to indulge oneself in arts and savor the sense of arts while avoiding any unwanted attention, side distraction, and unwelcomed intrusion from external forces.  
  
Having said that, there are some other opportunities left missing out when enjoying the show without company. The most noteworthy one would be the absence of interaction and discussion between viewers about the show content, which can possibly make the experience unfulfilling and unsatisfying. Besides, the elements of sharing laughter and mutual feelings can establish and trigger positive connections between the viewers and the show; nevertheless, if watching alone, such perks will be missed out regrettably.  
  
In conclusion, although enjoying the work of arts alone allows individuals to fully absorb and appreciate the artistry, it ignores other opportunities and benefits of collectively sharing similar emotions and connections with other viewers. However, ultimately speaking, it depends on the personal preference of the viewer, and all forms of art appreciation should be respected and welcomed.
The premise of the essay is that the life improvement that we experience through the development of science and technology. Science could refer to food science and its environmental relevance. That is relevant to its environmental impact. Technology refers more to the hardware that we use in our daily lives. So I can't help but ask why the discussion suddenly went into pollution and its environmental impact. The thesis portion is confusing. It is the second part or claim that aligns itself with writing expectations. The writer must do one of 2 things:  
  
- Delete the first part and better develop the second part as the introduction  
- Delete the second part and connect the frist part to an environmental discussion.  
  
A clearer discussion premise is needed to qualify the later discussion focus.  
  
\* Limited review provided due to paper length. Contact me privately for details on how to recieve an extensive review.
## salaries of sport celebrities

  
  
People have many different views about why sport celebrities earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. While there is a belief that it is biased, but for me it is fully sastisfied.  
  
Some people argue that not all the sport stars are more talented and skillful than people who works in doctors, politicans,... Because they play an important role for their own countries. Whereas sport stars just play to indulge themselves. In the fact that it is not true. When they are successful, their reputations will be known all over the world, and their countries also become famous because they used their country's name when they competed.  
  
In my opinion, I would agree that there are many causes to support high incomes in sport field. Firstly, everybody has their own talent and dream. To habour the dream, they were suffer from lots of training courses by coach. They also try to achieve many honour awards. Secondly, the longevity in profession of the athlete is very short. For example, many sport stars like Messi or Ronaldo are fourty years old. And Euro 2021 could be the finest match of them. But people in other profession still continue their career, even they can get promote at this age.  
  
In conclusion,there are convincing arguments and against high salaries of sport celebrities, but i believe that they deserve the salaries they currently earn.
The essay does not meet the 250 minimum word requirement. This will be the main reason that the essay will not recieve a passing mark, or even come close to receiving one. The writer should write at least 66 words per paragraph to meet the minimum word count. The essay may be considered well developed within 250-300 words. No word penalties will be applied to that count. Less than 250 words will result in a word percentage deduction being applied. If the exam taker fails in the word count, the essay is sure to get a final failing score due to the huge penalty applied.  
  
Then there is the problem of lack of clear prompt restatement and opinion presentation. Additional penalties will be tacked on due to an unclearestatement and opinion response. Actually the response format is not in the proper presentation format. Then the GRA score will also suffer deductions for incorrect punctuation usage. Do not use successive punctuation marks in a sentence. There are simply too many errors in this presentation in relation to all scoring considerations. This is not a passing essay. The writer should study the various Task 2 formats before writing more practice tests.
## mutual responsibilities for environment

  
  
What nature gives us is also what it is going to take from us. Ostensibly, climate change is now the most telling sign of this trauma, to which there are mixed opinions amongst the public. Many would agree to fight against the catastrophe while others are trying to live with it. In this essay, the two ideas above will be analyzed in detail first, before some suggestions could be stated.  
  
Countless concerted efforts have been made to prevent climate change since the day people became aware of it, and absolutely they have grounds for their acts. Climate change is the leading cause behind environmental degradation and devastation, such as global warming, fresh water scarcity, or wildlife extinction, to name but a few. Large-scale campaigns have been staged and launched in the hope that they could help tackle these issues and contain the spread of their severe affects. The ultimate goal of our strivings is not only to protect our lives but also sustain the living resources for the future generations, for they deserve this nurturing and awe-inspiring planet the same as we do.  
  
However, it is not always worth the fight, so many others believe. If climate change is feasible to halt, it would have been done any time sooner than now. Co-existing with it therefore comes a solution for several reasons. First, not every government, especially developing countries, can afford to invest in preventive systems which are purpose-built for environmental protection mainly because there are a whole lot pressing things to do like feeding and dressing for its citizens. Besides, the changeable climate is perfect time for another plan to be accomplished: the clean-tech era deluged with all kinds of energy which are harnessed cleanly and unaffected to the environment.  
  
In summary, we cannot blame anyone than ourselves for having caused climate change, it is thus our mutual responsibilities that we must shoulder in order to live in harmony yet try to keep the scenario under firm control as much to our abilities as possible.
The first paragraph is used to restate the original topic ideas without variations. The paragraph is used to assess the student's synonym usage skills. His ability to give an accurate interpretation of the topic, without the need to alter the original content. The first sentence of the interpretation is not a part of the original presentation. I altered the original presentation by including a personal insight from the writer. It will not receive a score. Rather, it will lower the TA score due to the slight prompt alteration.  
  
The discussion provided in the reasoning paragraphs are incorrect. The discussions provided do not explain the basis of each public opinion. Neither is there a connected personal opinion presented. It appears the student misunderstood the prompt and discussion method. The student appears to have altered everything in relation to the original prompt.
**Write a descriptive piece about waiting in a waiting room. It can be at the doctor's or dentist's office or at the principal's office at school, any place you want. You may be waiting for an interview because you are in trouble or for a painful medical appointment. Use this concept as the basis of your writing piece.**  
  
## **The Waiting room**

  
The white room that smelt of peppermint and not an inch of dust was eerily empty. It was a small room with an elegant white chair and table that was empty and clean except for a single black pen that sat on the side of the table waiting to be used. A battered old couch was pushed to the corner of the room and two cupboards filled with untouched books were neatly placed against the walls. Outside of the small window behind the couch was a single road that weaved across the highway, empty of cars and life. The boy tiptoed into the sterilised room and shivered, it wasn't cold but he felt like he had entered a world filled with snow. He felt every breath against his chest and fear welled up inside of him waiting for an answer. The seconds or minutes that passed seemed to take an eternity. His heart thumped faster than his thoughts which were the only moving thing in the room. "Get a grip, Tom, what would dad say?" He scolded himself, and listening to his father's words, he closed off any emotion that showed in his face and tried to slow down his heartbeat.  
  
The four bleached walls in the room seemed to close in on Tom making him shrink and hunk over. The sight would have been frightful as he looked almost possessed or in pain. Turning over he pulled up his back and took a long breath. He didn't know why, but people often told him to take a breath or calm down, everyone but his father did so anyways. His mother was gone for a holiday in a faraway country, or so he had been told since he was seven. His father was a respected man but Tom didn't know why, he didn't know a lot of things that his father kept him safe from. "The world," he said would swallow up such a small boy like himself and he had to be looked after." Often he referred to Tom that way, small boy or little boy, he got angry at times saying he was a useless little thing.  
  
Tom realised that his cheeks were cold and wet. Furiously he wiped them and heard a small whimper leave his mouth. It wasn't fair the way his father treated him, he had done nothing to deserve the negligence. His father had told him to wait for him in his room and didn't give him a reason. As abrupt as ever he had closed the door on Tom and left him to fear what was coming. Angrily he stomped out of the room and into the lounge "I am a big boy and I deserve as much respect as you do, I will not listen to you ordering me around anymore!" He watched in horror as his father turned to face him red in the face next to a woman with the same eyes as Tom.
The overly dramatic piece of writing missed the whole point of the exercise. The room described was neither a principal's office, medical exam room or a dental clinic. The essay is supposed to describe a room based on one of the 3 specific scenarios discussed. The room description should be part of the unfolding story. The character description and story development must intertwine with the description. For example :  
  
*Tom felt a sense of foreboding as he followed his teacher into the pristine white room. He knew that making Steve's nose bleed with a sucker punch would not be good for him, but the bullying just had to stop. He made up his mind to tell the principal that when his turn came to face him. As he took his seat in the principal's office waiting area. He could not help but wonder why the other kids were here. The white walls of the room brought fear, rather than comfort. He wondered why bookshelves over flowing with books lined the walls. Even their homework was electronic these days. Slumping into the couch next to a kid whose hand was swollen, obviously injured during another playground fight, he couldn't understand why he was there and not Steve. The strawberry scented diffuser tucked into the corner table made him remember his mom. He needed her loving arms now rather than the merciless stare of his teacher who was sitting in the hooded ergonomic office chair across from him. Things looked really bad for him ...*  
  
If the essay is revised to reflect a description similar to the one above, it will be more prompt responsive.
***The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.***  
  
## Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

  
  
The pie charts display the average percentages of three types of nutrients consumed in different meals particularly in the US.  
  
Overall, the majority of the sodium and saturated fat are been ingested at dinner, whereas most of the added sugar is from snacks. Yet none of the ingredients are consumed beyond 50% in single meal.  
  
It is noticeable that all three nutrients of breakfast constitute the smallest proportion in every pie chart, accounting for 16% in the charts of both saturated fat and added sugar, as well as merely 14% in that of sodium. The sum of sodium from breakfast and snacks is almost the same as of lunch. In contrast, only 19% of added sugar is originated from lunch, which is close to three times lower than the combined ratio of breakfast and snacks. Additionally, people in the US consume 37% of saturated fat at dinner, which is equal to the coalesced percentage of lunch and breakfast.  
  
\*The figure is originally from Cambridge IELTS Book 14.  
  
*
The writer should have used 4 paragraphs here as there are 3 comparison images. The summary failed to identify what each pie chart represents along with the meal types, and measurement basis. These are the reasons why the information enumeration is needed in this section. Failure to do so shows an early incomplete study of the image.  
  
Since the study results are assumed to be currently ongoing since no year references are made, present time indicators are used. " Are been" is not only grammatically incorrect, but also makes a confusing time reference. The writer will do well to undertake more time reference sentence exercises.  
  
The analyzed data requires another paragraph presentation for proper presentation and information dissemination. 5 properly presented, non - confusing sentences per paragraph would have helped. The comparisons could have been better presented in that manner.
## taking a job between school and university

  
  
The issue of whether adolescents should work outside for several years between school and university is partly a question of the traditions in different cultures or nationalities. There are a range of various pros and cons with regard to this phenomenon, which I will discuss now.  
  
One of the undisputed advantages of taking a job is youngsters have opportunities to broaden their social circle by meeting people of different backgrounds in working environment. Another positive aspect that it is a beneficial way which should be encouraged them to be as self-reliant as possible, this boosts their self-esteem. For instance, teenagers live in unstable families, due to such issues as unemployment or political chaos, take a job makes them have independent income to support their families.  
  
On the other hand, there are several pitfalls to working outside when the youth continued to study at school. One definite drawback of taking a job is they will ignore and lose the habit of enhancing knowledge. This is because they just focus on earning money as much as possible and decrease their passion for learning. Furthermore, it can be seen that young people do not have enough experiences and skills to go to work. As a consequence, adolescents have to cope with many problems to select suitable jobs.  
  
To sum up, I think there are arguments for and against the idea of working between school and university. The important thing is to be aware of these issues and opt for the path that suits your personal circumstance.
The writer is asked to base his pros and cons discussion on his personal opinion, The prompt asks the writer to present his opinion as a part of the restatement + opinion presentation. The reference to this is missing in the frist paragraph. Therefore, the reintroduction is incomplete and will lose some points because of it. There is also a lack of clear reference topics to the pro and con paragraphs that affected the clarity of the upcoming paragraphs.  
  
The writer must avoid over- sensationalising of the paragraph presentations. As these are academic discussions a proper calm and equal writing tone must be created in the presentation. Words such as "undisputed ", which create exaggerated reference points have no place in this type of writing.
## destination of UK graduates and postgraduates in 2008

  
  
The two bar charts give the information on the number of UK graduate and postgraduate students in terms of different working destinations except for full-time work in 2008.  
  
It is clear that the patterns of two charts are similar as the students who pursue the further study are the majority and the number of students who do the voluntary work was the least. Compared by the total numbers, the number of surveyed UK graduates was considerably larger than that of UK postgraduates by almost ten times.  
  
For the first bar chart, there were nearly thirty thousand UK graduates who choose the further study while only three thousand and five hundred graduates for the voluntary work. As for the graduates in part-time work and unemployment, their numbers were quite close with 17,735 and 16,235 respectively.  
  
For the second bar chart, the number of postgraduates for further study was still the most dominant with 2,725 while for voluntary work was only 345.Then in terms of the UK postgraduates, they decided to do part-time work more than remain employment with the number of 2,535 and 1,625, which was not the same figure compared with the UK graduates.  
  
*
Since the bar charts offer similar information, there is a need to seperately identify the content of the charts in the summary overview. By dividing the reference points properly, the presentation becomes clearer and easier to follow on the part of the reader. This leads to a stronger TA score.  
  
The trending statement was good up to the point where the student mentioned "ten times". Avoid such references since these better apply to the analytical and reporting paragraphs. Do not identify imager as first and second bar charts. The actual titles should be used which are UK Graduates (excluding full-time work) and UK Postgraduates ( excluding full-time work) The winter can use synonyms to describe the charts to boost the LR score.
## WRITING TASK 1 - SALMON'S LIFE CYCLE

  
  
The picture illustrates the life cycle of salmon in terms of their different development stages.  
  
There are mainly three stages in the life cycle. The beginning of the life cycle is the baby salmon called as fry, and it will grow into smolt, ending with the adult salmon, which have the ability to fertilize the next generation.  
  
Looking at the first stage, the fry measures 3-8 cm and lives in the lower river with fast flowing. After approximately 4 years, they can grow up to the second stage to become smolt, measuring 12-15 cm, and migrate to the open sea.  
  
Living as smolt for about 5 years, they will grow to adult salmon which measure 70-76 cm. This is the third stage of the life cycle. Then the adult salmon move to the upper river slowly and prepare for the reproduction. They will lay the salmon eggs near the small stones where the reeds grow and cover them. After 5-6 months, the salmon eggs hatch into numerous fries and the life cycle starts anew.  
  
*
The essay is pretty good. It offers a clear process explanation for the life Cycle with an obvious analysis of the illustration. The fact that the with used correct referencing words shows that he is paying attention to the audience he is writing for. The student shows the potential to develop good reporting presentations. The analysis details are helpful. That said, the writer has a few clarity reference problems. There are certain instances when important sentence presentations are incomplete.  
  
lives in the lower river with fast flowin  
- Fast flowing what? Answer: Fast flowing river water.  
  
cover them.  
- cover with what? Small stones. Technically , the eggs are not covered in as much as these are camouflaged. That is the more appropriate term.
***Students leave high school without learning a way how to manage their money.***  
## What are the reasons and solutions for this issue?

  
  
It is a plain truth that a large number of high school graduates barely know to manage their financial income. In general, this phenomenon is thought to stem from numerous aspects. It is widely believed that several solutions can be taken to address this problem effectively. This essay will grant us a chance to elaborate upon the issue in more detail.  
  
In relation to the causes, it is claimed that their lack of money management results from two primary reasons. Firstly, parents and schools have a misconception that it is unnecessary for them to take part in financial management courses during their school time since they are unable to make money. Instead, it is more appropriate to impart them with finance-managing skills as regards when they are more mature, in university as an example. Moreover, heavy high school curriculums are also considered as a contributing factor for their knowledge deficiency. As a matter of fact, that high school students often have to study vigorously to prepare for tertiary education. Hence, they will be overloaded or exhausted as long as they have to learn how to manage their allowance.  
  
Nonetheless, it is generally acknowledged that a plethora of effective and feasible remedies can be taken to resolve this phenomenon. First and foremost, students can learn these skills through practical circumstances. To illustrate, parents can instruct them on how to use their monthly savings for different purposes. Furthermore, schools can support them to create a financial plan for a picnic. Those activities will educate high school students to be more responsible in finance and manage their money better. In addition, extra courses should be opened during summers to educate them on how to make, spend and save money. This is an ideal time on the grounds that they are completely free from academic disciplines.  
  
In conclusion, the dearth of financial management skills of high school graduates comes from numerous culprits, and it can be solved with practical experience and extracurricular activities in the summers, as aforementioned.
Students tend to overstate the - discussion topic by including an assessment of the truth off the topic. This is not a restatement requirement. It is better when such references are not made in the restatement portion off the paragraph because it alters the original presentation. A simple and straight interpretation, without over-emphasis works best. The rest of the presentation avoids a diect response to the provided questions which lessens the possible increased TA score this paragraph could have recieved.  
  
The student is making excessive use of sentence fillers that do not add to the scoring potential of the presentation. The essay sometimes feels like a vocabulary and sentence formation excercise instead of an opinion essay excercise. The number of words are not scored but proper word usage is.That, is where the writer will find his essay with a heavily deducted L R and G R A score.