dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## the statistic of Calls, texting, audio recording and making photos, using a mobile device

  
  
The table illustrates data about the 4 main fuctions Vietnamese people used with mobile phone in three years ( 2005, 2008 and 2010).  
  
It can be seen that while the percentage for Calls, texting and recording audio declined over the period, the opposite was completely true for Taking photo. It's also evident that people almost used mobile phone for calling others in all years.  
  
In 2005, Making calls witnessed the first position with total of users . The second and third belongs to messages and record audio with 82% and 78% respectively. After 3 years, there was a stability in call function which following by a slight downward trend by 3% in the year 2010, but Texting messages and recording kept falling through 5 years.  
  
Of Taking photos, the using this type was the least common in the first two years but the figure for it went up to standing at second position at the end of period with 77%.  
  
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Your paragraphs all do not contain the minimum to maximum sentence requirement of 3-5 sentences. These have resulted in run-on sentence presentations which will definitely give you a failing GRA score. You do not display enough knowledge of complex and simple sentence usage in your presentation. So you will be deemed to have limited English writing skills and an inability to properly analyze and discuss given data in relation to a summary report.  
  
You must learn to present 3 complete paragraphs composed of the summary overview, comparison discussion, and other information presentation. Those are the information that will comprise your 3 paragraph presentation. Your summary overview should indicate the type of image, years included, and information presented. You do not really have a proper trending statement in the presentation either.  
  
We have more than enough Task 1 sample essays for you to use in your review. Try to read as many samples as you can from our forum so that you can learn how various Task 1 presentations should be properly approached. It will also help if you learn from the mistakes of others. That way you become a better writer sooner rather than later.
## Advertising aimed at children

  
  
Modern day, a number of advertising aimed at young children and some people said that it should be forbidden. While marketing can have several disadvantage under pressure under children. I believe it should not be completely banned.  
  
On the one hand, commercials aimed at children can have damaging impact, particularly on the relationship between parents and their children. A large of children are easily manipulated to want things they see in advertisement such as television, social website and the like and this may cause disagree between parents and their love children. If their parents deny children of something they want resulting in their children will hate parent. Moreover, advertising purposed at young children can have negative effects on their health, as fast food and junk food companies had utilized well many marketing strategies toward children. Therefore, children are easily persuaded to purchase these unhealthy food and as consequence, can be risk of many severest diseases such as cancer, obesity and the like.  
  
On the other hand, I think that advertising aimed at children should not be absolutely banned because it plays important role in economy companies and a country. For instance, if government enact a ban on advertising aimed at children, a large of products companies will be sold and goods will be taken consider into. In addition, many companies will slide down about a decreases in sales and profits, finally unemployment rates and economy. A number of workers are doing in marketing field, may become unemployed and resulting in the government will be provide temporary financial support for those unemployed people.  
  
In conclusion, although advertising aimed at children bring negative affects regarding brain children, family relationship and health, Should not be banned completely because of unreasonable problems.
Your essay suffers from a lack of clarity in the presentation. Your discussions tend to be composed of incomplete sentences that lack subjects and proper references that would have helped you present clear and complete thought processes in the presentation. Your reasoning is also flawed as you used a comparative discussion for a single opinion essay.  
  
The first paragraph is related to the discussion but severely lacks in cohesiveness and coherence. You need to do more sentence development exercises. At this point, you cannot even construct a proper simple sentence. That will adversely affect your GRA score in an actual test. Improve that ability before you try to write another essay.  
  
Your second paragraph diverges from the discussion of the effect of advertising on children to focus on the problems the lack of advertising will create. That is a topic that is unrelated to the original discussion. The focus should remain on the effect of advertising on children, not the effect of lack of advertising for children on the industry. You changed the discussion target. This means, your essay is not really responding to the prompt discussion. Expect additional points deductions for that problem as well. Added up, the grammar problems, lack of clarity in the discussion, and improperly formatted responses will result in a failing essay for you.
***Some people believe that teenagers should focus on all school subjects while others think that they should concentrate on the subjects where they do the best or find the most interesting.***  
  
## Discuss both views and give your opinion

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In light of the improvement in the education system, people have different views about the school curriculum taken by adolescents. While there are good arguments in favour of paying attention to students' biased courses, I would argue that it is better to concentrate on every subject.  
  
On the one hand, youngsters focusing on their preferred subjects possibly attain higher grades. When youngsters are interested in or good at some specific subjects, they will get motivated and explore the detail of the courses by themselves. In this way, they will gain enthusiasm for studying and get well-prepared for the exam. For example, my friend Oscar who enjoys learning computer studies would search for the related sources for enriching his knowledge in IT. By getting a deeper understanding, he masters the IT subject and has obtained A+ in the exam.  
  
However, I believe that it is more beneficial for adolescents to put emphasis on all school subject courses. Firstly, subjects have a strong correlation thereof. For instance, studying physics requires a certain level of maths, while learning geography may be easier if students understand the basics of physics. Hence, teenagers can able to take advantage of their knowledge to apply to other subjects. Secondly, pupils perhaps figure their talents and passion unconsciously through learning all subject areas.Taking myself as an example, I used to hate maths. Yet, when I started learning 3D graphic, I gradually gain interested in maths, thereby, I am no longer reluctant to study maths and realize the capability in abstract thinking.  
  
For the reasons mentioned above, it seems to me that young people are more like to get benefits from concentrating on all subjects instead of emphasizing biased subjects.
You have a formatting error in this essay. You accidentally turned it into a single opinion essay when the requirement was a comparative essay with a personal opinion paragraph. The format, if you want to stick to the 4 paragraph presentation would have been:  
  
Par. 1: Paraphrase + Instruction restatement  
Par. 2: First reasoning topic + public opinion explanation + personal opinion + supporting sentence for personal opinion  
Par. 3: Second reasoning topic + public opinion reference + personal opinion + example supporting the personal opinion  
Par. 4: Summary recap  
  
It is important that you refer to gender free pronouns in the public opinion discussions to clarify that your opinion has not been stated yet. Then use first person pronouns to assist you in your personal opinion. That way the separate of discussion presentations becomes clear, even if you are using a 4 paragraph format instead of the normal 5 paragraph format which is presented as:  
  
Par. 1: Prompt restatement  
Par. 2 : 1st public point of view discussion (gender free pronouns used)  
Par. 3: 2nd public opinion explanation (gender free pronouns used)  
Par. 4: Personal opinion supporting one of the discussion points (1st person pronoun usage)  
Par. 5: Summary recap.  
  
Either format will work for this essay. I would suggest though that you use the 5 paragraph format for now. Just until you get used to discussing the topic properly. When you are confident enough, you can use the 4 paragraph format already.
## Should parents vaccine their children?

  
  
**Many childhood diseases can now be prevented through the use of vaccines.  
Should parents be made by law to immunise their children against common diseases or should individuals have the right to choose not to immunise their children?  
  
You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.**  
  
Over the recent years, a number of vaccination procedures have become the essential components of life so as to fight deadly diseases. While some people believe that it should be parents' choice to select the vaccination for their children, I would agree with those who argue that neccessity of vaccination for children should be enforced by the law.  
  
Firstly, important procedure such as vaccination should not be left with for an individual to decide as they are bound to carelessness. This is because a number of parents avoid the hassle of visiting doctors and spending money with the preception in mind that their children would not catch the disease. This type of behaviour has resulted in big countries like India suffering from the large scale epidemics in the past. Recent survey stated that India would have never gotten rid of Polio if the government hadnot mandated the Vaccine For All Initiative in which every Indian citizenA was given Polio Vaccine at their homes.  
  
Furthermore, it is a natural acceptance of human to only stay updated with concerns that they are interested in or are enforced with. For instance, 2019 census stated that 70% parents in india were not aware about the names of relevant vaccines needed for their child. Hence, their children had only underwent vaccines that were mandated by the govt. Conversely, if the government had not mandated the vaccination procedures for children and youngsters, it would be unsurmountable to vanish the proliferation of life threatening diseases.  
  
In brief, I believe vaccination should be mandated by law as individual's decisions are prone to lack of knowledge and avoidance of related hassles which can have devastating affects for child and nation as whole.
Your discussion is not grammatically perfect. It has errors in sentence formation but these mistakes do not produce any serious problems when it comes to understanding the content of your presentation. Your discussion topics are well developed and show a clear understanding the given topic. You should be proud of the work that you did in this essay. You properly represented your opinion and allowed yourself to fully discuss the presentation per paragraph. The only problem, like i said, is the lack of English fluency in some instances. However, these errors will not have a serious effect on your final score. I fully expect you to get more than a passing score with this kind of presentation. Good job.
Please help me to rate this essay base on ielts writing task 1 target.  
  
## the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Canada

  
  
The given charts compare the variance in terms of four online sales sectors in Canada in two years 2005 and 2010.  
Overall, the proceeds percentage of Video Games, Food and Beverage increased sharply; while that of Electronics and Appliance, House Furnishings decreased.  
In 2005, the sales for Electronic and Appliance hold a remarkable proportion with 35%, however this declined to 30% in the year 2010. Similarly, the percentage of Housing Furnishings witnessed the same trend. In the first year, the number was accounted for one - fourth of the total online sale of these four sectors, but this fell to just 15% in 2010.  
  
In contrast, the percentage of Video Games and Food and Beverage both experienced an upward trend. In 2005, the figure of Food and Beverage was 22%, then went up sharply to 32% in 2010. Moreover, the proportion of Video Games was 23% in the year 2010, which is 4% higher than that in 2005.  
  
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Your essay is not properly formatted. The task 1 essay requires a 3 paragraph format composed of:  
Par. 1: Summary overview + trending statement  
Par. 2: Comparative information Set 1  
Par. 3: Comparative information Set 2  
  
You should have better formatted the essay to allow the reader to have an easier time reading, reviewing, and remembering your essay content. There is no clear summary overview that gives the details of the content for the report. The content would include not only the topic and the inclusive years but also the list of retail sections, the type of measurement, and a specific image identification reference (2 pie charts not just charts).  
  
The trending statement should be a part of the summary overview to help with the clarity of your short reference. It must be sentence 3 of the summary overview because each paragraph has a minimum 3 sentence requirement, no more than 5. Have uniformity in your information presentation. Do not use a mix of fractions and percentages. It is not going to be easy for your reader to see the comparison of data when you use 2 different measurement manners. This will affect the the accurateness of your report. Use only percentages since that is what used in the images. Use the measurement reference indicated to help you stay accurate in your information presentation.
The following is my article, thanks for reading and commentating it. All of your comments are really valuable for me.  
  
## sodium, saturated fat and added sugar in american menu

  
  
The charts compare the distribution of three types of unhealthy nutrients in each meal in the USA.  
  
According to the charts, sodium and saturated fat are consumed most at dinner, the second-high consumption of these two unhealthy nutrients appear during the lunch. As for the added sugar consumption, it is often eaten by snacks and American are not always consume it when they have breakfast.  
  
Looking information for more detail, American daily dinner makes up 43% and 37% in the consumption of sodium and saturated fat. Lunch account for the second large proportion, representing 29% and 26% respectively. Breakfast make up the least percentage for these two nutrients, only about 15%.  
  
Moreover, snack is the most possible meal that Americans will have chance to eat added sugar, (42%), and dinner is the second likelihood that people in USA consume added sugar, (23%). On the other hand, dinner is the least significant occasion to consume this unhealthy nutrients, just below 20%.  
  
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The summary overview could have been more complete and accurate. Remember, these images are not just charts but pie charts. Each divided into 4 sections. Every section should have been identified as a part of the summary, along with the bad nutrients measured by each chart. Your information is also inaccurate when it comes to the unhealthy reference. You should have paraphrased that all these nutrients would be bad for one's health if over consumed or eaten without regards for health standards. Your opening summary is actually the weakest point of this essay.  
  
I also did not find any reference to a trending statement in your presentation. You should be presenting 5 sentences for the summary overview. That is, if you want to present a thorough and complete overview. 3 sentences would be fine, but 5 is the aim for a higher TA score.  
  
You should never present a paragraph under 3 sentences. That is an incomplete paragraph. It will not help you increase your overall score. The GRA, in particular, requires a complete paragraph presentation so that your grammar range ( simple and complex sentences) and punctuation usage can be proper scored.
## The diagram illustrates the monthly temperature and precipitation in Kolkata city on average within a year.

  
  
Overall, both the temperature and the rainfall show the highest figures in the middle of the year, from May to October.  
  
Months in the beginning and end of the year, including January, February, November and December show the lowest average temperature (at around 20 to 25 Celcius degree), as well as the precipitation (at around 10 to 20mm). While the temperature increases significantly and reaches the peak of 32 Celcius degree in May, the rainfall rises more gradually in those 3 months (from March to May), gets the point of 100mm per month on May.  
  
Jun witnesses the most outstanding rise in the precipitation when the figure is 2.5 as much as May (250mm compared to 100mm). The rainfall continues growing in volume and reaches the highest point of around 340mm per month in July while the temperature remains quite constant during those months. Both the temperature and rainfall decline from August to the end of the year, but the precipitation shows the more notable decrease, from 330mm in August to around 5mm in December.  
  
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Quick question, where did you get the reference to Kolkota City? I do not see any reference to a specific city in the graph. Was that part of the discussion instruction? You should have posted the complete instructions for the report presentation so that I could have had a better idea of what information you have to present.  
  
Actually, this isn't a diagram. It is a combination bar and line graph. So you should have indicated it as such in your summary overview. Additionally, you forgot to indicate that the precipitation and temperature are measured in millimeters and celsius respectively. Your summary overview is incommplete due to this missing information.  
  
Where is the comparison discussion for the 3 months when the precipitation and temperature overlapped? What did that mean for the data? Why is it important? Once certain information is highly obvious in the image, you should not forget to mention it in the report. That is a score increasing reference that exam takers often overlook.
@Holt  
Sorry for the infomation missing, the name of the city was mentioned in the topic.  
  
I discussed over those 3 months (Aug-Oct) in the last paragraph and I don't think that there is a need to mention those figures are overlapped.  
  
Thank you very much for your comment regarding to my task, it helps a lot.  
  
@buiquynhhuong  
Thank you very much for your comment, I appreciate that.
## IELTS WRITING TASK 2

  
  
**In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of aging populations.**  
  
People in this modern world can indeed live a longer lifespan. This would cause some problems for both individuals and society, but I believe we can do something to tackle these problems.  
  
With the increasing average life expectancy, there is no doubt that many practical problems could happen in the future. Firstly, overpopulation is unavoidable, which will contribute more pressure on the Earth, there will be more people who need houses, food, and cars. These all need to consume natural resources, such as land, forest, and nonrenewable fuel. Secondly, more older people should be taken care of, so more money will be spent on healthcare, building hospitals, training doctors and so on. Last but not least, for individuals, the long-life people would face a situation that their property is not enough to support their living in the last few years of their lives.  
  
While these problems are certain to rise as the population of countries grows older, I believe that there are a lot of things we can do to reduce the impact of the aging population. Limit family size can be a reasonable way to deal with it. And this way can combine with that postpone the young people adults to have a baby, both can bring less newborn babies, and therefore reduce the population to a certain extent, even though people are expected to live longer than before. Furthermore, governments should launch educational programs that educate elder people to improve their awareness of health and encourage them to exercise more to reduce the risk of diseases such as cancer, diabetes, and arthritis, which could cause fewer needs for medical resources.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that the aging population can cause a serial of problems, but we have many solutions to reduce the impact.
The Task 2 essay requires you to give an outlined response to the questions provided. So you should provide direct topic answers to each question. Do not discuss the topics yet, just let the examiner know what your direct response to the questions are. These will serve as the topic sentences of your reasoning paragraphs. The examiner will then have an idea of how well you understood the topic, how it should be discussed, and what should be discussed. All of these considerations are a part of your TA score.  
  
You repeated the prompt statement in your first reasoning sentence. Like I said, you do not need to repeat the statement in the reasoning paragraphs. You are turning the double restatement into a word filler which could have an adverse effect on your total word count. If the examiner chooses to not consider the repeated statement as a part of the total essay word count, you could end up under the word minimum count and find yourself getting points deducted because of it.  
  
Your first reasoning paragraph contains 2 topics, both of which are not thoroughly developed in the presentation. Try to connect the 2 discussion topics next time so that you can develop a clear and cohesive explanation in the paragraph. Using connecting sentences and words would be helpful in this task. By the way, avoid using the conjunction "and" at the start of a sentence. That is a word coordinator and is always used to connect phrases or words within a given sentence. Since there is no word connection required at the start of a sentence, you should not use "and" at that part of the presentation.  
  
Your conclusion does not summarize the topic and discussion points. It lacks the 3-5 sentence requirement for that section. It will pull down your overall score because of a little discussed and non-concluded essay presentation.