dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***Some people say in modern society, we should not use animal products like clothing, food or medicine.  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?***  
  
It is often argued that mother nature has been harmonized with humanity, animals and plants. Some people might think that people do not have to take any things associated with animal goods such as food or clothing in modern community. Although all animal lives should be respected, I strongly disagree with the idea. I shall explain why we need to use animal products in this essay.  
  
First of all, all animals are the best research creatures to improve people's lifestyle when they are used by human. In other words, animals play a key role in testing which helps to develop people's quality of life because they are very similar to human beings in many ways. For example, some cosmetics and health care products must be tested on animals to ensure individuals' safety because animal testing has contributed to many life-saving cures and treatments. Thus, animals are the good resources to guarantee for helping humanity to evolve.  
  
Moreover, they are the essential components when it comes to living our life. Animals not only protect our body but also provide nutrition. Because when individuals do not wear clothes, they might be exposed to extremely cold weather, so some clothes using animals prevent decreasing our body temperature. Furthermore, as far as eating is concerned, they are the good source of protein because meat protein is much better than plant protein. It includes essential nutrition such as amino acids. Therefore, it is advisable to research for living individuals' life safely and healthy.  
  
In conclusion, some people claim that taking animal products for humanity is not fair as morality and ethic. However, it has many advantages to increase people's life, so it must need to encourage.  
  
How could I get 7.0 in general module?
If you want to score a 7, you have to work harder on your presentation. As of now, your essay is not really coherent, often doesn't make sense to the reader, and the original prompt is not reflective of the original presentation. These problems will hinder you from achieving your target score. You should read up on current events in English to help you achieve that score. Your knowledge of pop culture and up to date news will make a big difference in your score.  
  
The paraphrased prompt does not work because you have included information that is not in the original prompt. That means you changed the presentation which makes your task representation in that paragraph inaccurate. The first sentence is made up. For this paragraph to be accurate, represent only the original discussion points and respond directly to the question. While you responded properly to the question, the last 2 sentences require you to present an outline of your topics for discussion. The outline helps the examiner when it comes to assessing your English writing skills.  
  
Both your reasoning paragraphs are under developed. You present good reasons but are not capable of properly explaining and defending your topics yet. While you did try to discuss the topic, you ended up using confusing statements instead. For example, you said that animals provide nutrition. However, you did not explain how the animals provide nutrition and why eating animals are important for our survival.  
  
You will not achieve your desired score overnight. You can only achieve that score over several months of writing preparation. Aim lower for now. Aim for a 6 score. With some practice, you should be able to clear up your presentation enough for your paragraphs to make more sense.
Hi guys,  
I'm practicing IELTS writing task 1. Please give me some comments on my essay. Thanks in advance!  
  
## IELTS Writing task 1: Acid rain

  
  
The line graph displays how much acid rain was emitted by four different sectors in the UK over 27 years from 1990.  
  
Overall, what stands out from the graph is that acid rain emissions reduced dramatically during the period shown. In addition, the amount of acid rain caused by electricity, gas and water supply witnessed the most tremendous decrease, from the primary culprit to the second least polluted sector.  
  
In 1990, around 3.25 million tonnes of acid rain was caused by electricity, gas and water supply, which was by far higher than the equivalent figure for other industries, with just over 2 million tonnes. However, in the next 27 years, there was a significant decline of 2.75 million tonnes in the amount of acid rain generated by electricity, gas and water supply. Meanwhile, the figure for other industries, despite falling, overtook electricity, gas and water supply to become the most contaminated sector, at around 1.75 million tonnes 1997 and 1.25 million tonnes in 2007.  
  
There was an insignificant amount of acid rain which was produced by transport, communication and domestic. In 1990, each sector caused nearly 0.75 million tonnes of acid rain. Subsequently, the figure for transport and communication fluctuated slightly between 0.75 and 1 million tonnes over the rest of the period. As for the amount of acid rain produced domestically, it fell steadily to about 0.25 million tonnes in 2007.  
  
*
The first thing you have to do is be conscious of the time allotment of this essay task. You have 20 minutes to write the complete report, regardless of CBT or pencil test formats. You cannot write 232 words using either form without leaving your essay open to errors and also, taking precious time away from the Task 2 allotment. For the task 1 essay, you only need to write 175-190 words. You are bordering on a Task 2 essay at this point, which means you are over writing and you are risking running out of time to completely and accurately present your Task 2 essay. This is not a good representation of your Task 1 essay. I would rather review and advise you based on a Task 1 essay that is more attuned to the time and word requirements.
## effects of violence in movies

  
  
Many people believe that the high levels of violence in films today are causing serious social problems. What are these problems and how could they be reduced ?  
  
With the development of the filmmaking industry, people raise the concern that the intense amount of aggression in films is the cause of a countless number of major social issues. This essay is going to address one of those problems and show people how to tackle it in particular and issues caused by violence displayed in film in general.  
  
It is true that film makers have been doing their best to invent novel ways to make a scene look more glamour. Their methods involve technologies like CGI and method acting, but the most straightforward way to make a scene more palatable is to increase as much aggression as possible.  
  
However, the pleasure of enjoying action movies can certainly lead to aggressive behavior among viewers. Findings from scientific researches illustrate that people, especially youngsters who are the most impressionable, have a tendency to imitate what is displayed on movies, which is, in this case, action-packed films. Since people now have more access to watching movies, the risk of themselves being exposed to scenes portraying acts of violence is dramatically higher. As a result, these violent actions are carried out in real life by viewers, who are mostly young and lacking in suitable guidance. A number of streetfights, school bullying and violence abuse is the consequence of the habit of intensively enjoying aggression showcased in films.  
  
Some suggest that action movies should be banned, but this might cause producers to encounter serious financial problems and potentially start an argument, which only worsen things. To minimize the negative effect of violent acts portrayed in movies, I recommend that film should be given label based on their content. We should be aware of the set of labels for movies with different contents, for example G is for everyone, PG stands for: "Parental guidance", etc. to avoid unintentionally subjecting children and teenagers to unsuitable content.  
  
The bottom line is that negative effects caused by intense violence in film are unavoidable and could lead to serious social problems such as bullying and fights. Until new ways to reduce those effects are figured out, the best people can do is to giving movies labels.  
  
It's my pleasure to have you guys give comments on my work.
Regardless of whether you are taking the CBT or pencil test, you cannot write 357 words perfectly within 40 minutes. You still need time to review, revise, edit, and finalize your presentation. You actually have spelling and grammar issues in the paper that you failed to detect and correct because of the undue fixation on the length, rather than quality of the essay. Longer essays mean that you will run out of time to spellcheck. Failing to spellcheck lowers your LR, C&C, ang GRA scores. All 3 scores are related in the overall consideration.  
  
For the paraphrase, you have the opportunity to clearly tell the examiner what the problems are and what related solutions to reduce the problem could be. The direct topic outline will allow the examiner to see if you actually understood the task requirements or not. These questions are meant to assess your task accuracy, which you did not really do a good job at in this presentation. Present the discussion points, vagueness will not help your score.  
  
The second semi-paragraph presentation is not needed. It does not help to move your discussion forward. It should not be a part of the discussion. Do not refer to any research. Use public knowledge and personal information. Use pronouns, not references. That is the discussion expectation. Your discussion paragraphs lack clarity, related topic sentences, and actual discussion progression. It is truly a long essay but, it is not an effective essay. It does not have a passing score potential.
## advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad

  
  
There's an undeniable fact that a vast number of students choose to acquire school overseas nowadays. For me, be educated aboard provide a lot of advantages for learners who want to get cultural experiences and attend to high-quality education. However, it also has its own perk like the high cost of living, terror, etc. I will give some shred of evidence that advocate my outlook.  
  
In the beginning, it's true that receiving a foreign education indeed brings a wide range of benefits for students because it's a well-rounded education. Firstly, scholars have the chance to make friends with people from over the world and since then, they are exposed to various cultures. For instance, it will be lots of fun to be friends with foreign guys and then you'll be surprised day by day when discovering their traditions from each of them for sure. Also, living and studying directly from abroad certainly is the best way to learn a new language by practice that language regularly. Therefore, I firmly believe that the capability of using language will be enhanced and more natural. Besides, students can learn valuable skills like self-made, teamwork, and participate in many extracurricular activities.  
  
Nonetheless, be a student of studying overseas have drawback either. The living expenses may be higher than the metropolis, especially some countries in Europe. For example, the living cost, tuition and the tax of America are much higher than Vietnam, so Vietnamese students staying in this state might have financial difficulties. Some quit university because they can afford the school fee. In addition, the unsecured also is a persistent problem such as terror, diseases can occur suddenly. A specific example, the Covid-19 widespread strongly in Europe and international students infected by this disease cannot be able to pay for medical treatment and passed away in foreign country.  
  
To sum up, learning overseas have both advantages and disadvantages. Students currently have more opportunities to go aboard and for me, it's an amazing choice to acquire education abroad.  
  
I really want to receive your comments. Thanks a lot!
You only have 40 minutes for the Task 2 essay. It would be better if you get used to writing only within 275-290 words. That way you leave yourself time to edit your writing mistakes. From what I can tell, you know several English words, but you are not familiar with the meaning of the words. You ended up using the words in the wrong context / manner. Which, because you did not correct through editing of the final version, will lower your LR score. Errors in in your word usage include:  
  
perk - benefit ( you are mentioning negatives so you should have said dangers, drawbacks, negatives, etc.)  
Shred of evidence = very little to no evidence ( you should have just said evidence)  
  
I know you are trying to impress the examiner with your knowledge of English idioms, phrases, and other word usage references. The problem, is that you are not familiar with how to use the words properly. The way it is used in a sentence helps to clear information for the reader. In this case though, you are confusing the reader due to the error in word usage / word reference.  
  
I suggest that you learn how to use English phrases and idioms properly first. Familiarize yourself by reading about the meaning then looking at various examples of how to use the reference in a sentence. If you cannot do that properly, your essay is bound to get a failing LR and C&C score. Aside from these obvious errors, you also have clarity, formality, punctuation, and other vocabulary issues in the essay. Writer shorter essays so you can focus on the editing and proof reading of your paper. By avoiding errors in your writing as much as possible, you should be able to get a better score.
## The line graph illustrates the total oil consumption of four different countries between 2009 and 2030.

  
  
As can be seen from the graph, Middle East and China are predicted to increase, while there will be an expected decrease in oil consumed by US and Western Europe/ Japan in 2030. The US will always remain a major consumer over the 20-year period.  
  
In 2009, US citizens consumed 10 million barrels per day, more than five times the figures for China and Middle East. Started at 4 million barrels, Western Europe and Japan experienced a gradual fall to 3 barrels in 2015. While total oil consumption in China and Middle East rose slightly, that of US remained constant till 2015.  
  
By 2030, the number of oil consumed in China and Middle East, despite some fluctuations, are expected to rise to 3 million barrels each. By contrast, Western and Japan will witness a gradual decrease to 2 million in total oil consumption. The most significant change is the expected figure for oil consumed in US, with a sharp fall from 10 million to more than 4 million in 2015 and 2030, respectively.  
  
*Thank you for helping me to review my writing! What score can I get from this essay?*  
  
*
The reason you are being asked to deliver the image report is because the professional you are reporting to is assumed to not have a copy of the image. So you should not make a reference to having the reader check the image. The image, for all intents and purposes, will not be there. So the clarity of your report will be based on the written report / imaginative details that you provide for the reader's consideration  
  
You forgot to mention how many millions of gallons China and the Middle East consumed. Although you mentioned the US would consume 5 times more, the measurements should be mentioned somehow. Guesstimates will be acceptable in this instance. You need to present figures to create a sense of accuracy in your graph analysis.  
  
Unfortunately, the free review does not include scoring services. That is done only as a private review or URGENT thread. You don't have to worry though, save for a few errors, you should manage to score well in the actual test.
## effects of TV, video or computer games on kids

  
  
With the ever-increasing use of TV and video games, many people subscribe to the view that this trend has a positive influence on children's knowledge. Yet, the idea meets with opposition from those who claim that spending time on TV and computer games brings harm to adolescents. This essay will elaborate on both perspectives, and I believe that this trend may not affect the development of children as exaggerated.  
  
On the one hand, it is understandable why many children devote the quality of their time playing games and watching TV. As for education potentials, there is a wide variety of educational programs appearing daily on the TV. As a result, children may have a chance to access a variety of information through some programs such as scientific breakthroughs, space exploration, and medicine. Moreover, video games have consistently been proven to enable game players to promote cooperation, creativity, and problem-solving skills, which contributes to better academic performance. For example, while playing Pubg, children can plan to win against their opponent.  
  
However, many people claim that playing games is detrimental to teenagers. Firstly, checking their phones or laptops is far more preferred to spending quality time with parents, which may widen the generation gap, causing conflicts among relatives. Secondly, they may spend endless hours surfing the Internet, playing video games rather than taking part in other physical activities, which results in an early sedentary lifestyle and children's suffering from obesity, diabetes, and heart diseases.  
  
In conclusion, while I recognize some negative effects of using TV and video or computer games, I claim this trend as positive one
Your prompt paraphrase was almost correct. The problem came in the last sentence, where there should have been 2 instead of one representative discussion presentation. If you notice, the sentence does not flow properly. There are 2 unrelated ideas being presented in that sentence which made it confusing and incorrect. While you were right to say that the essay would consider both perspectives, the statement about the negative development, which is a personal opinion, should have been presented as a stand alone sentence. It is different in idea presentation from the other 2 so it cannot be combined with the other sentence that had 2 related discussion points. In effect, you created a confusing presentation that would have made it difficult for the reader to follow your flow of thought.  
  
The essay is missing your personal opinion paragraph. Using this format, you should have created a personal opinion paragraph before the conclusion. The personal opinion is never part of the concluding paragraph because the concluding paragraph will not allow you to further discuss the opinion that you have. It will create an open ended essay, which means you did not really focus on properly developing your reasoning presentation. It could help lower your overall score instead of helping to increase it.
*Hello, I'm preparing for my upcoming ielts exam which will take place in one month so I really appreciate your time spent reading and giving feedback to my essay. If possible, could you please give me a band score on my writing. My aim is band 7.0. Am i eligible for it?*  
  
## Work topic [IELTS writing task 2]

  
  
**Nowadays, some employers think that formal academic qualifications are more important than life experience or personal qualities when they look for new employees. Why is it the case? Is it a positive or negative development?**  
  
In this day and age, recognized qualifications take priority over first-hand experience and personal traits. This tendency, which is caused by a plethora of reasons, is totally negative.  
  
The employers' preference for excellent academic credentials lies in their belief in the education system. This is due to the fact that academic institutions are deemed to be the most reliable place equipping students with in-depth knowledge about their field. After years of schooling, graduates could apply the knowledge acquired into the workplace. Moreover, degrees with honors are often tangible proof of the candidate's diligence and perseverance as it is a real effort to get these degrees.  
  
From my perspective, the recruitment entirely based on postgraduate qualification causes a host of drawbacks. Firstly, universities merely offer theoretical lessons with little or no hands-on experience. Therefore, these students are inflexible and unable to handle with real life obstacles. As a result, the company will suffer since it has to spend a huge sum of money on training newcomers from scratch which can be saved if candidates with years of working are appointed. Secondly, personal virtues should also be considered as essential selection criteria when interviewing job seekers. Managing a group of disloyal and unreliable subordinates, for example, is a touch challenge for administrators.  
  
In conclusion, I argue that apart from qualifications, other measures such as interpersonal skills and the manner at work are integral judgments for the employee-to-be's ability. Therefore, it is recommended that undergraduates should hone their prowess by participating in extra-curriculum activities.  
  
*(approximately 260w)*  
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*Thanks so much!!!!*
Unfortunately band scoring is no longer part of our free essay review. You may receive band scoring comments only if you avail of our private review services or, if you make this thread URGENT. Students who dare to score your essay will find their account suspended as student scoring is not allowed. That said, I will now continue with the general review of your work.  
  
Okay, in the first paragraph, you opened with a memorized phrase. That means the examiner will not be impressed by your writing abilities. Your TA score will be affected by your lack of proper paraphrasing and the missing reasoning topics for the stance that you took. since you said this is a negative development, then give 2 reasons that you will be expanding on in the succeeding discussion. By doing that, you will clearly show the examiner that you understood the topic and the discussion / task instructions. Use at least 3 sentences, no more than 5 sentences in that section for maximum scoring consideration of your TA score.  
  
You do not need to use an apostrophe after the S in employers because you are signifying the plural form of the word rather than ownership. Good explanation on why you believe the schooling matters to employers though. I would have liked to have seen an example to support your explanation in the end. Just to drive the point home and create a fully developed paragraph presentation.  
  
You did not do a good job on the reasoning section though. You focused on properly developing the first reason, with room to spare, but then you failed to properly justify the second reason. Which led to an under developed discussion paragraph. Use only one topic in the paragraph unless otherwise specified. Use all of the sentence allowance to help strengthen you opinion in that section.  
  
In the conclusion, do not argue. Nobody is fighting with you. Simply restate the discussion points from the previous paragraphs. All you have to do is sum up the discussion without offering a personal opinion since no personal opinion was required by the original prompt for the end presentation. That presentation is really more of a prompt deviation than anything else. It did not conclude the essay in the summarized manner that was expected.