dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
You have your information reversed in your presentation. Use the actual years in the summary overview and then the yearly presentation in the trending sentence. You should make sure that your trending sentence combines with your summary overview so that you can always meet the minimum 3 sentence requirement for the paragraph.  
  
Your first and second sentences, which should be combined to create a paragraph, are run-on sentences. You are allowed a maximum of 5 sentences per paragraph. That is because each thought process, data report, or image description should be individually presented rather than combined into one long sentence. Remember, a long sentence does not always represent a complex sentence. Specially if the sentence presentation of 2 different data profiles are separated only by a comma.  
  
Although you wrote more than the minimum required word count, the essay does not follow the expected 3 paragraph format. Mostly because of the error in overview presentation and lack of proper comparison points for the overlapping information in the graph. Had you included the comparison discussion for overlapping data, you would have met the 3 paragraph requirement without a problem. There were 2 overlapping points that should have been presented as a stand alone paragraph.
Hi everyone, I wrote this paragraph for IELTS Writing Task 1. I really appreciate any help/comment!  
  
**The graph below shoes changes in the share of vehicle registration of the three most common types of commercial vehicles in the US between 1970 and 2010.**  
  
----  
*Word Count: 150*  
----  
The line graph reports the ratio of the means of transportation in the United States between 1970 and 2010. Overall, trucks occupied the majority of the transportation registration, followed by taxis, then buses. In 1970, almost 50% of the vehicle registered were trucks, while 25% were taxis, and buses took up above 5%. In 1980, however, taxis rose to the highest proportion since the number of trucks steeply declined; buses also had an increase and met its peak. From 1980 onwards, the number of trucks gradually increased, in contrast, were buses. Taxis had its trough in the year 2000 but soon rose strongly afterward. By 2010, compared to the starting points, taxis were the only mean of transportation that gained popularity in vehicle registration in the United States, while the other two both declined. In particular, the new proportions of trucks, taxis, and buses were 45%, 35%, and 3% respectively.  
  
*
While 150 is the minimum word requirement, the exam taker is expected to write between 175-190 words. That is because there is a 3 paragraph requirement for this report. The sentence requirement for each paragraph is between 3-5 sentences. Your essay is improperly formatted. The paragraphs should have been presented in the essay as follows:  
  
Par. 1: Summary overview + trending statement  
Par. 2: Data reporting  
Par. 3: Comparison points  
  
Since the essay is not properly formatted, I cannot accurately assess your work in terms of written requirements. You should know how to divide each paragraph based on the discussion instruction requirements. That is why the essay is short in terms of information presentation, information assessment, and comparison data. Each of those requirements should be seen in separate paragraph presentations.  
  
I should be able to give you a better assessment of your data presentation skills when you post your next essay. I hope you will have that essay properly formatted so that a true assessment of your Task 1 abilities can be made.
***More people are using mobile phones and computers to communicate. Therefore people are losing the ability to communicate face to face.*  
## Agree or disagree?**  
  
In recent years, the attitudes towards mobile phone and computers have undergone a seismic shift in the general public, most likely as a result of the development of intelligent technology. Some of them claim that those IT products cause us to gradually lose their communication ability with each other. When it comes to me, I would like to say this view is acceptable to some extent mainly because of the following reasons.  
  
Those people against using those IT products base on their brief on the fact that it poses a threat to the desire and the skills of the communication face to face. Firstly, some young people gradually lessen conversation with others around because of overly using the cell phone. Plenty of evidence can be found in our daily life to support this, the main one being that a group of teenagers sitting together often exchange information to the others around them with Facebook or Twitter. Secondly, there is a definite link between the lack of speech skills and using those IT products frequently. A recent survey admissioned by Victoria State Government confirms that many college students concern about the performance in the final exam because of the over-dependence of computers. It is, therefore, manifests that those IT products have a detrimental influence on the ability of the communication face to face.  
  
Mobile phone and computers, on the other hand, pose a positive effect on the efficiency of communication. The other words, many of us have a computer. If we chat with different friends in different countries at the same time, for example, then some programs, like zoom or Webex, can realize our needs immediately. In addition, the cell phone is an economical way to keep our family relations more compactly.  
  
In conclusion, although the mobile phone and computers are beneficial to our life to some extent, it does harm to the ability of the communication face to face. This issue about mobile phone and computers will become even significantly more than ever before, thus it deserves our further consideration.
You totally changed the discussion slant for this essay. You turned a simple agree or disagree essay into an extent essay. That shows a lack of understanding of the discussion instructions. Then, you did not properly paraphrase the original prompt, which means you did not understand the topic for discussion. This will tell the reviewer that your English comprehension skills are not that good. A proper restatement of this prompt would have been:  
  
*The general population have come to rely heavily on gadgets to help them converse with one another. It is believed that this trend has resulted in a lack of personal communication skills. I tend to agree with this belief for a couple of reasons.*  
  
From that point, kick of each of the 2 reasoning paragraphs with a topic sentence. That will show a conviction or belief in the side that you support. It will also prove that you understand what the discussion requires you to present.  
  
You must double check your word choices. Remember, you are scored on the accuracy of your word usage. You mistakenly used the word brief, which means "of a short duration" when you actually meant to say "belief", meaning "an opinion or belief". Also, a survey is "commissioned", not "admissiioned", These are the type of word errors that would lead to a failing LR score.  
  
Based on the most basic review of your essay, there are already 2 reasons why your essay will find it difficult to achieve a failing score. You should not be focused on a large word count when the grammar, LR, and clarity of your essay are suffering because of it. The highest scoring essays are actually the ones that come in between 275-290 words, with a clear explanation, proper vocabulary usage, and good grammar presentations.
@Holt, thank for your opinion, it is very useful for me. I will revise the essay as you said to me. Thank you very much! I just want to know one point: "agree or disagree" essay means both body1 and body2 should be present the positive side, or body1 shows the reasonability in your opinion, meanwhile, body2 describes from the reasonability in your disagreement? which way do you suggest? Or the above two ways are both OK? Hope your feedback, thank you!  
  
Because I surf the high score essay sample in IELTS in the website. What I said above in the second situation often be seen, instead, there are rare situations that both body1 and body2 present the reasonability about your agreement.
Here are some comments:  
- Your essay is wordy, at least 250 worlds and better to write less than 300 worlds  
- Try to write your body paragraph in balance. You might try the simple pattern; only state 1 idea in each body paragraph. State your idea, give explanation, and then support it with any example.  
  
- **If we chat with different friends in ...** I don't think this this sentence is clear enough to explain the terms of efficiency of communications.  
  
Here I try to write the simple example:  
Mobile phone and computer pose a positive effect on the efficiency of communication. Using those sophisticated technology might give an opportunity for many people to communicate with their relatives or colleagues who live separately. This innovation would be inexpensive because they do not need to purchase any accommodation to travel around for the precious meeting. Although I live in the different city with my parents because of educational purpose, I still have capabilities to have my intense communication through social media, such as WhatsApp, Skype and sometimes Zoom for joining family gathering.  
  
Good luck :)
Hello friends.. Please help me to review my writing.  
  
***When designing a building, the most important factor is intended use of the building rather than its outward appearance.*  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Appealing appearance when a building is designed might be the best consideration for several architects because it is the part of artistic expression. Nonetheless, I insist that the function of the building is the most prominent indicator in order to accommodate fundamental necessity for the owners or the residents.  
  
Aesthetic design of a building is a part of art beautification. The eye-catching illustration of a building has a high tendency to encourage visitors because they were fascinated and witness to explore every angle. Sydney Opera House are the most well-know building in Australia and a word heritage site because it represent authentic and unique design. Many tourists visit this landmark. Despite of the beauty, the designer team focused on it as a multi-venue for arts performance, therefore it fit for around 1,500 people with convenience device. Hence, it still operates because the functional demand.  
  
A sketch of gorgeous building ought to accommodate the basic needs for many people. Architect of a primary school construction in England are capable to visualize every detail, like a huge parking lot for handful vehicle that provide a direct access to the pick up and drop out lines, educational space like library, which are located far from the sport hall and theatre arena. The school building is preferred to meet the student's necessity. Thus, school design would stimulate students to have positive pedagogical environment and becomes a high quality school due to the suitable facilities.  
  
In conclusion, I agree architect should be mainly thinking on how the building is used based on the purpose because it will improve the quality, rather than focusing on the outward appearance in terms of art to impress many people.
Insisting on the function of a building is not the same as giving an extent response. The extent response still needs to use proper descriptive terms. Insisting refers to you being involved in an argument, which you are not. The discussion is an opinion statement rather than a debate. So, instead of insisting, you should be delivering emotional responses instead such as "I fully agree with the notion that..." and then explain your reason in a separate sentence. You do realize that you are one sentence short of a complete paragraph in the opening statement right? Yes, that was caused by the combined response in your second sentence, which is only a long confusing sentence. One idea per sentence delivers a clearer thought process to the reader.  
  
Your second and third paragraphs provide acceptable reasons for your opinion. However, your word usage and sentence structures need more work. While the paragraphs are understandable, you still need to smooth out the presentation with proper English word usage. Do not stop doing English sentence construction exercises alongside your essay practice tests. Doing both simultaneously will result in your improving your LR and GRA score in your practice test. Believe me, my students who have worked hard at both found that it was the best way for them to become more proficient in written English, even if their spoken English was still a bit problematic.  
  
The concluding paragraph should have been the opening restatement. You are supposed to present 2 restatements of the original prompt. One at the beginning and one at the end. Your extent response is still missing in the concluding paragraph. The measurement of agreement is a significant requirement that proves your ability to understand and follow English instructions. Once again, you have the formatting problem in the concluding presentation. There should be an additional 1-3 sentences in that section that thoroughly summarizes the preceding reasons and discussion points prior to the restatement of your opinion.
Hi friends, please kindly give me some feedback for this essay...  
  
***Some people think that drug addicts should be treated like criminals and sent to jail, while others believe that they should be treated like patients and sent hospital.***  
  
## Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

  
  
Answer:  
  
Some debate about the criminal acts of drug addicts deserves imprisonment. While rehabilitating them to return to a good lifestyle was a good alternative, considering they were victims who must be saved.  
  
Some argue imprisoning drug addicts was a valued punishment for them but will not change for a better lifestyle. As long as they are imprisoned without any special treatment, it will only make them return to such a habit when they had released from prison. For instance, ex-convicts with drug cases in Jakarta get his freedom after 10 years in prison. Unfortunately, he was stuck again with such a lifestyle, and could not control himself in using drugs. However, the output of the prison cannot counter their pleasure in consuming drugs, even just making them a victim that required to be rehabilitated.  
  
On the one hand, treating drug addicts as patients who must be saved was a very noble wise decision. This is because turning them into a healthy society again is a beneficial solution for drug addicts as true victims. A Singapore artist was proved to be a drug addict and got to the jail with a rehabilitation program. However, he served his sentence with a special program, it was done to eliminate his dependence on drugs. The outcome of this detention period would be very meaningful in his life, because he could be saved from the world of drug addiction, even live normally after he was released from jail.  
  
In conclusion, imprisoning drug users was a valued option as a criminal punishment. However, punishment without any means changes it will be useless. Therefore it also requires some special treatment, even treating them as patients who must be saved is the best wise solution.
First, in your introduction, you should give your opinion about the subject, whether you agree of disagree.  
Second, you should pay proper attention to your verb tenses, i can notice that you are messing them up. For example, "As long as they are imprisoned without ... it will only make them ..."  
  
Third, in the third paragraph, you use "on the one hand" which indicates one side of the problem, but you haven't mention the other side, which can reduce your cohesion and coherence point.
Your prompt paraphrase is confusing. It does not properly represent the original topics for discussion due to the improper grammar used. A clearer version of the paraphrase would have been:  
  
*There are groups that believe that drug abusers are similar to lawbreakers. As such, they must placed in lock-up. However, there are opposing sectors that believe the narcotics addicts should be considered sick. Therefore, they are sick people who need to be treated at an infirmary. Both sides represent proper reasons that should be heavily explained and considered before a person can come to an educated opinion.*  
  
From there, you should have formed 2 public point of view discussions based on a second person or group point of view. The pronouns indicating a second group point of view would have clearly separated each discussion from your personal point of view, which needs to use the first person singular point of view. The separation of discussion points, as required by the discussion instruction was not properly reflected in your essay. This is the main reason why your essay will not score well. It is giving a general point of view, that could be misconstrued as a personal point of view presentation throughout the discussion by the examiner.  
  
You are scored on the clarity of your discussion. As such, you must make sure that each public point of view is clearly indicated in every reasoning paragraph. After which, your personal point of view must also be clearly stated. While you present good discussion points, it is the presentation format that affected the clarity if your essay.
## Daily public transport trips and population density in 2015

  
  
Information is provided by a bar graph which shows the number of utilisation of public transport per person in various cities including London, New York and Tokyo, and a table chart outlines numbers of residents lived in these areas in a square kilometer in 2015.  
  
The main feature of the bar graph is that there is significant difference in using transportation between MRT/Subway/Metro(MSM) and Public Bus(PB). In London, people were more likely used PB Instead of MSM with approximately 0.76 times while MSM were used about half times. People in New York took MSM more frequently than PB that daily trips with MSM were 0.50 as PB was exactly the half. Likewise, in Tokyo, MSM were mostly used as much as almost 1 time whereas PB was chosen less than tenfold compared to MSM. The table chart demonstrates that London and Tokyo contained 5,431 people and 6,168 people respectively, yet, New York provided over 10,000 people which is the highest population among the cities in 2015.  
  
In general, taken PB was more popular for general travel in London while other cities showed MSM was more common in 2015.  
  
*
The reporting needs to be clearer in your presentation. Never combine the different information for 2 images in one sentence. Aside from creating a run - on sentence, you also confuse the reader. 2 sets of different information in one sentence makes it difficult for the reader to remember individualized information and also creates confusion because the reader will not be able to separate the clear topic of each presentation due to the conflicting sets of information.  
  
Your trending statement should be placed within the summary overview. That will make it more useful to the reader who needs to have a clear picture of the overall information presentation and discussion direction of the image report. It is also important that you present the data for the bar graph and table in separate paragraphs. Only related information and comparison points should be read in each paragraph. Again, this is to provide clarity for the discussion and also, to make it easier for the reader to remember the information presented.  
  
Related information in one paragraph helps you improve your C&C score. When you mix the 2 sets of information in one presentation, The paragraph becomes longer than the 3-5 sentence requirement and, creates confusion for the reader who has to try and connect the 2 different discussions in one paragraph. The report is a written picture of the image. The reader, creates a mental picture based on your report. That picture can only be clearly imagined if you separate the information based on discussion relationships within the paragraphs.
*Hello everyone!  
I'm going to take IELTS exam soon. I really need your feedback on my Writing tasks.  
Thank you in advance.  
Giang*  
  
## the gap between men and women studying math and engineering

  
  
**Many more men than women choose to study maths and engineering. Why is this?**  
  
A lot of efforts have been made to narrow the gender gap in fields of science and engineering. However, women remain underrepresented in these domains. This pipeline problem could be ascribed to sex discrimination and the lack of female role models in STEM careers.  
  
The prolonged beliefs of each sex's roles and abilities have generated wide gender disparity in disciplines relating to science. Since an early age, people have exposed to perceptions that males are better than females at STEM subjects and women are not suitable for working in these majors. Without counter-intervention, boys and girls would gradually develop their own self-efficacy based on these conventional stereotypes. A lot of women believe that they are less competent at math and science. Most of them then avoid STEM and opt for subjects traditionally associated with females. It is gender discrimination that has been preventing women from pursuing science.  
  
Moreover, the world still lacks female role models in science and engineering areas. Men have been dominating science-related fields for decades while women has accounted for a small proportion of the workforce in engineering and math fields. This, in the first place, has fortified the idea that females' opportunities of success in STEM majors are scarce. Thus, girls often feel less motivated than boys to study science and math as girls find it hard to relate themselves to these disciplines. Also, there are not many role models of their gender who women can follow in science path. This view has been discouraging women from taking up math and engineering.  
  
In conclusion, the gap between men and women studying math and engineering has been created by the society old-fashioned gender norms underestimating females' capabilities. Coupled with this, it is the lack of female scientists that has prevented women from taking STEM subjects.
In my opinion, you have capability to develop your idea well and state your ideas in the beginning of paragraph is a great thing. Nevertheless, I didn't find any example in your body paragraph. It help you to support your ideas and if it done properly, it will get you to the high marks. Therefore, you need to simplify your explanation to avoid any wordy because you need to add relevant example.  
  
Here I provide the possible example for your second paragraph:  
"Majority male students in USA prefer to learn computer science as favorable major and 75% of them were succeed to be a web developer in prestigious company like Google.inc, while less than 20% of women achieve this position. Based on this fact, women become less motivated to choose any major related to STEM."