dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## the impact of social networking

  
  
In my opinion, social nextworking have both good and bad.It depend on your frequency. Social media is a place that you connect to other friends easily.. But it is not really good. someone can abuse to do bad things. It can help you for work, learning,seaching,but it lack of pricacy. Every one know your account,your picture, .Next,the damage of social netwwork give is isomnia,when you extremly concentrate on it,and don't want to put it don't. Social network can make conversasion between you and others, cause you can see them,talk to them through social media, with that, you never want to meet them in real life. Relationship on Internet on internet have both bad and good. The advantage of this is you can connect with new friend, chatting with friend and family. Besides social netwworking can be dangerous, strenger can bunco your money, your crebility. Social networking will usefull if you use it in a right way.
Song, what is the prompt that you are responding to? Were you asked to just write a statement instead of a full essay? The reason that I ask is because this statement is horribly written. It doesn't follow the proper spacing rules between sentences, you have misplaced punctuation points in some instance, and you are presenting ideas for discussion without really discussing these topics. You are just throwing these information in there without actual explanations.  
  
Now, if you were asked to just write a statement, then my previously stated observations are enough to get you started in a revision. However, if you were supposed to write a full length, 5 paragraph essay, then you have a lot of work to do before you get there. You can get started with developing the topic sentences into individual paragraphs, making sure to thoroughly explain your point of view in each and then creating a proper concluding statement.  
  
At this point, I am not really sure as to how to judge your statement because of the lack of instructions coming from you. If you decide to participate in this forum again, just for practice, please don't forget to give us instructions for the assessment of your work. Thanks.
My writing is presented the bellow. Please correct or garde my writing  
  
## high accuracy in work

  
  
In today's world, it is more important to work quickly and risk making mistakes than to work slowly and make sure that everything is correct.  
  
It is undeniable that the accuracy of our work is a popular topic which has caused heated debate in a long period of time because it affects everybody in his or her daily lives. Depending on personal experience, personality type, and emotional concern, people differ greatly in their attitudes toward this issue. As far as I am concerned, I disagree with this statement that having low accuracy in work is important than working accurately. In the following, I will try to explain the specific reasons which I think are the most common viewpoints nowadays.  
  
To begin with, one of the compelling reasons that justifies my opinion is that high accurate working is a kind of giving respect to customers. When one pays much attention to his or her work, the customer who buys the outcome of the work is more satisfied and do not feel that he or she waste their time or money. For example, I work on internet as a freelancer, which means that I work at home rather than an office. and I get all of my credits by doing my job in the best way that one can imagine. I think today's customer are very delicate toward their demands and they easily distinguish the quality of the outcome. Thus, it seems that delivering a work with the high quality would be the first thing that every employee should be asked for.  
  
Another equally notable point supporting my opinion is that wining the business competition is a crucial factor in today's world. Since in each area, there are many company which compete to attract customers, it seems that if costumers loss their faith on a company it means that the company must shut the work down. I think the most important factor that helps companies to maintain their costumers is delivering high quality outcome.  
  
To sum up, by taking into account all the above factors, we may reach the conclusion that having high accuracy in work is far important than working quickly due to people distinguished the quality of the outcome and compare it to another company.
Sasan, you need to provide the complete original prompt when you post your essay so that we can accurately review and consider your essay writing skills. As of now, I cannot assess your essay for prompt responsiveness as I am unsure as to the directions you were provided for the discussion. However, even with the missing prompt, I can tell you that there are discussion development problems with your essay.  
  
The development problems come from your fondness for run-on sentences. Even with the extremely long sentences, you still managed to write more than the required maximum of 5 sentences per paragraph in most instances. It is important that you learn to express yourself in clearer terms with lesser words. Aim to write a maximum of 300 words within 4 paragraphs (since the conclusion, which represents paragraph 5, is usually optional in a TOEFL test). So you will need to practice writing comprehensive sentences without going over the sentence limit. Don't try to show off your vocabulary skills in the essay, as I can tell that you are trying to do that in this essay. Just aim to be able to explain your point in a clear, concise, and coherent manner.
## dealing with chemicals

  
  
***The pie charts below show how dangerous waste products are dealt with in three countries.***  
  
The charts illustrate the methods used by three countries (Republic of Korea, Sweden, the UK), in order to deal with harmful waste products.  
  
Overall, it is observed that hazardous waste products in Sweden and the UK are mostly buried underground, as opposed to the Korean Republic, where the majority of them are recycled.  
  
In detail, underground burial of dangerous waste products accounts for 82% in the UK and 55% in Sweden. With regards to alternate ways, 25% of Sweden's harmful waste products are recycled, while the rest 20% is destroyed by fire. As for the UK, 8% of its hazardous waste products are either thrown into the sea or treated with chemical methods, whilst a mere 2% goes through incineration.  
  
Turning to the Republic of Korea, more than half of its harmful waste products are recycled, whilst 22% of them are buried in the surface. Additionally, a smaller portion of 9% is burnt in flames.  
  
*
Melinda, the opening summary that you wrote is tremendously incomplete and improperly formatted. Since this is an academic report that you are presenting, you must never present any information in a parenthesis. All of the information contained in the chart are of the utmost importance to the reader and should not be relegated to a parenthesis because that indicates "optional" information. In these types of essays, no information is optional. Therefore, all the information must be presented in complete sentences within fully developed paragraphs.  
  
In the overview paragraph, make sure that you clearly outline the report information that you will be covering in the 3 body paragraphs. That means, indicating the 3 countries and the types of hazardous waste disposal procedures that will be discussed.Then indicate the trending discussion. Meaning, which is the most often used procedure that is common to all 3 countries? That is the trend.  
  
Then divide the essay into paragraphs. Do a comparison by percentage of each portion of the pie chart. By each part, I mean each common procedure between the 3. Then in the end, Focus on the difference between the UK and the other 2 countries since the UK seems to have more waste disposal procedures in place than the other 2. That is the end of the essay.  
  
Your essay shows some analysis and focus, but not enough to prove that a thorough analysis and presentation of information was done in the report. Therefore, there are still a number of problem points in terms of your ability to analyze the essay. Once you learn to do a more thorough analysis of the images, your writing and your score should improve. I hope to see those changes occur with each essay that you write.
**Some people feel that boarding schools (where students or pupils live at school during the term) are an excellent option for children, while other people disagree for a number of reasons. Consider both sides of this debate and reach a conclusion.**  
  
## benefit from staying at school

  
  
Some people argued that children will benefit from staying at school, especially in today's fast-changing world. However, the issue is not entirely genuine and other arguments can also be made against the idea. This essay will elaborate both sides of the opinion and provide a conclusion.  
  
Those who supported the boarding school mention various advantages can bring to students. These range from building independent skills to learning how to discipline themselves. For example, children will form surviving skill by living far away from their home, and not depend on their parents. In addition, if children lived closely with their teachers, it would form the intensive relationship between them.  
  
Another argument is students who stay in school during the term led to several drawbacks. The example can be seen in major cities, where the cost of boarding school may be prohibitive. In addition, living with family, children will form family closeness between children and parents. For example, the parents able to see and control their children after school, and communicate more with them. Finally, it must be said that not all young people want to go to boarding school, because they have their own preferences, and if we forced them, it would be negative for their future because of learning without passion. For these children, boarding school should not be the suitable option.  
  
In conclusion, it seems advisable that the decision to enroll our children in boarding school should be based on both children and parents preferences only. It would appear that boarding school will lead to several benefits in terms of independent skill yet it not the only one solution for all parents.  
  
*Thank for the feedback :) (do not hesitate to put score that you want)*
Aulia, somehow, your problem with properly paraphrasing the original prompt is proving to be the biggest problem of your essay writing. You still cannot represent the prompt in the correct manner based upon the first presentation that was offered to you. I wonder how many more examples of correct prompt paraphrasing I have to show you before you start to show some improvement in this aspect of your writing skills. Here I go again:  
  
*There are some children whose parents have them live in boarding schools during the school year. They believe that this is a good option for their children. However, there are some parents who contradict this stance due to a number of reasons. In this essay, I will be discussing both debatable sides of the issue in order to present a conclusion to the discussion in the end.*  
  
Remember how I keep telling you to present one reason and then fully develop that line of reasoning in the paragraph? I'm really not sure as to why you have great difficulty in doing that owing to the fact that you have 3 body paragraphs to work with here. This is supposed to be a 5 paragraph essay, you only wrote 4 paragraphs. You should have moved the details of the reasoning in the 3rd paragraph that starts with "Finally..." since "finally" connotes that you are discussing a new, unrelated topic. As such, it should be given its own paragraph treatment.  
  
In my opinion, your overall score for this essay should be a 3. I am sure that I need not explain to you why that is. You should have been briefed on the scoring system for English tests by your current teacher or tutor. I sincerely hope to see you improving your writing style with your upcoming essays.
@ayibram  
Hi, I'd like to make several corrections for you.  
  
=> Those who support**~~ed~~** the boarding (...) advantages **that**can **be brought**to students.  
=> ... away from their home**s**,  
=> In addition, if children live~~**d**~~ closely with their teachers, it ~~would~~ will form ...  
=> Another argument (...) the term **lead to** several drawbacks. => ...staying in school is to students' disadvantage/students who stay in school are at disadvantage  
  
=> For example, the parents **are** able to see ...
Rizka, since you are only asking for grammar correction, I will be instructing you on how to correct the mistakes that you made in the presentation. You can personally apply the corrections to your essay instead. In the first sentence, remove the word "give" and replace it "a". In the second line, capitalize the first word of the sentence as instructed by English grammar rules. Remove the run-on sentence by creating 2 more sentences that refer to the "government attention" and "parent participation". Don't forget to add the period at the end of the last sentence. The current version is missing a period at the end. In the last line, you have the same capitalization errors. Additionally, you cannot start a sentence with the word but. So you have to either use a comma after the word "science" or, revise the sentence structure to have a period after the word "science" and then use a replacement word for but like "However". Same deal, it is missing a period at the end of the presentation.  
  
This sounds like a badly discussed and developed TOEFL essay prompt to me. Since you are not asking for a review of the work though and you only want to focus on grammar correction, then that is all I presented to you in this review.
**Some people feel that boarding schools (where students or pupils live at the school during the term) are an excellent option for children, while other people disagree for a number of reasons. Consider both sides of this debate and reach a conclusion.**  
  
## children life at dormitory

  
  
Argued that pupils living at boarding house will be better than other places. Meanwhile, other societies disagree concern this argument because of many reasons. This essay will discuss the debate and give a concluding view.  
  
On the one hand, live at barracks will grow up children`s emotional maturity. Because they will learn how to live independently without depending on the parent. For instance, after finishing study at school they should also portion out time to another activity like cooking, eating, reading Qur'an, and washing. Besides, they are also smart to manage outcome and income during the stay in there. For this case, this encourages their idea and emotional to grow more adult than before. Thus, they will have a great personality  
  
On the other hand, another argument assumes that life at boarding house is the hazard to their life. Because of without parents, nobody controlling their behavior causes student`s habit nastier. For example, they will have opportunities to spend time such as hang out, playing a game, and taking a rest. This will reduce their personality, and even it can disappear identity. Furthermore, children`s age still tending label will support to shape becoming criminal human. As a result, live at boarding house will be difficult in developing them, and home is really better for their life.  
  
Overall, it appears that life at dormitory has not determined a better result for children, for without parent`s attendance will cause their life in danger, and it is one of crucial thing in their future. Thus, to shape the independent child should build the clear relation between home and boarding house.
@Mastuki Xenoph  
Hi Mastuki, it is a good essay when you can provide both views in a balanced way. I think you should check in subject-verb agreement such as :  
  
*Argued that pupils living at boarding house ...* <-- it should have a subject, you may add **Some people**,  
  
then,  
  
*This will reduce their personality, and even it can disappear identity* <-- you may add **their** identity
Hi, your first body paragraph is not as convincing as it might be, since students who live at home also need to assign time to read, study, and do their chores -  
  
try to differentiate the boarding school kids a little more. In your second body paragraph, I assume the teachers are controlling the students' behaviour - if not, you need to state why they cannot. Also, explain why playing games and resting are such bad things. Here are some other suggestions:  
  
Your first sentence is a fragment as it is missing a subject.  
  
build the clear relation between home and boarding house. {I am not sure what you are proposing - this is confusing to me
Matsuki, first of all, leave the religious references at the door. In a general English test, be it IELTS or TOEFL, it is important to not refer to a specific social status, religion, or gender in order to create an essay that will not offend anyone. So the reference to studying the Qu'ran, take that out. Use general information only.  
  
Next, learn the different word meaning and descriptions for terms. You cannot describe the boarding house a "barracks" because, while that is a type of group housing, that term refers to a military settlement instead of a civilian, educational dormitory. There is also a difference between the words "live" and "life". You have a problem with your English vocabulary usage. The grammar and sentence development is so bad that you will definitely be scored down in all 4 sections of the criteria with your GRA suffering the most and the LR coming in at a close second. This isn't an essay that will pass the test at this point.  
  
At this point, while you did an almost acceptable job in the TA section, you still cannot coherently and cohesively present your line of reasoning and supporting evidence. It may be best for you to not work on these essay exercises yet. You may want to consider doing more sentence structure building exercises first in order to improve your grammar and vocabulary skills.
**Some people believe that there should be a fixed punishment for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both of these two views and give your own opinion.**  
  
## punishment for criminals

  
  
There is a debate between people about the kind of law that apply to the crime person. Some argue that we need to consider other factors behind a criminal activity and apply a flexible punishment rather than a fixed law. In my opinion, while giving fixed punishment will be easier for the judges to decide the punishment, the custom-law is more humanistic and tend to more wish to apply in human life.  
  
On the one hand, the way to apply fixed punishment for crimes is likely to make sense. For each type of crimes has the guidebook about the detail that lawbreakers will get by doing a specific activity against the law. It also will make the work of judges easier than apply customized punishment. The judges are not required to consider another thing that may strengthen one position in one case of criminals. It seems to be more efficient when judges will only refer to the lawbook that the nation has.  
  
On the other hand, fixed punishments are likely to have some weaknesses. Without considering the motivation and the environment where the individual crime does the wrong thing, it will lose the sense of objectivity. Furthermore, customize the law that considering other reasons why a person doing crime will make the law more humanistic and human-centered. When the judges refer to the lawbook and considering other factors behind the motive, it will make punishment fairer rather refer to the lawbook only. The benefit is not only for the crime person but also the judge because the judge will feel calmer after considering many things before deciding one case of criminals.  
  
In conclusion, applying a fixed law obviously will be easier for judges to decide a punishment, yet it will lose the sense of objectivity. It is better to apply a flexible law as it tends to be more humanistic and will be fairer for both the judges and the crimes.  
  
---  
*thank you for the feedback, I write this in 40 minutes and still hard to find the better idea*
Aulia, there is an improvement to your paraphrasing, but you still made a mistake in representing the discussion instruction. This forced an error on your part in the actual discussion of your essay. The thesis statement for your presentation should have indicated your own words that describe; "Discuss both points of view and give your own opinion." For instance, you could have said;  
  
*...fixed law. This essay will analyze this subject matter by analyzing both points of view before I offer my own point of view towards the end of the essay.  
  
First point of view has valid points such as...  
  
While the second point of view indicates...  
  
My opinion, is that...*  
  
Your content is good but not properly presented. So you are slowly improving your work. The problem points remain the same when it comes to the discussion instruction. So focus on your English comprehension skills with regards to that area of the prompt requirements. Make the extra effort to get an explanation of how you should discuss the essay so that you can finally, improve to the point where you can finally focus on just improving your content in the presentation.
## youth crime rate

  
  
Nowadays, the level of crime among young people is increasing widely in a number of countries. This might derive from several factors, which will be elaborated in detail by this essay, including the possible solutions to overcome those significantly.  
  
Looking to the underlying factors of this problem, at least there are two main reasons. Firstly, this is probably influenced by economic pressure, which it is mostly related to jobless condition. In this case, the youngsters, because they do not have a job, might be difficult to meet their daily needs which are increasingly complex today. Therefore, this situation tends to stimulate them to get something through an illegal way, such as larceny and robbery. Moreover, another reason is potentially influenced by lack of family closeness. This is sometimes noticeable on dual-income or wealthy family, in which the parents are really busy with their job or business, and likely to neglect their children. As the result, the young people might possibly abuse their wealth on what could entertain them, such as gambling or drug consumption.  
  
Considering the possible solutions, there are several strategic ways which could be taken to handle directly the root of causes. The first is through providing a number of skill trainings, especially for youngsters, as a preventive way to prepare themselves for finding a job. Besides, these programmes could be also being rehabilitative method, when the young people have further involved within a gengster. Secondly, the most helpful strategy for reducing youth crime is potentially by building supportive parenting behaviour, inside of family life itself. This solution would greatly strengthen the family closeness by affection, warmth, hearing and understanding children's view and experience outside home. As the result, the youth's activities would be controlled more persuasively and openly.  
  
To conclude, youth crime rate having increased today is influenced by two main reasons, such as economic pressure and lack of family closeness. Those could be overcome by certain strategic ways, like skill training program and building supportive parenting method, which directly influence to the root causes.