dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## TOEFL - It is important to set realistic goals than ambitious goals

  
  
In my opinion, I agree with the statement that 'it is important to set the realistic goals than ambitious goals'. Realistic goal represent an objective in which we are willing and able to work hard towards. Ambitious goals need a long term plan and hard work and also are not easy to start up. Realistic goals lead us to a clear direction to be focused. There is a realistic chance that in given right circumstances. we are able to achieve it.  
  
First, I think that when we set a realistic goal it is meant to be achieve with the given circumstances around us. The success rate of realistic goals are more than the ambitious goals. While pursuing the realistic goals we know from where we have to start, how we will achieve it. However, ambitious goals don't give us a clear path to be focused on. We have to make a path or we walk to a direction where we are not so sure about the reach the end that we desire. For instance, one of my friend had small business of clothing sets goal to make profit of a million over a month. It is quite ambitious goal to set for the small business vendor , in order to achieve his goal he does hard work everyday but at last he couldn't achieve it. As a result of failure he came under great debt . Instead of having this ambitious goal if he had set a realistic goal , results would be different.  
  
Second, realistic goal gives us a sense of personal satisfaction. It make us believe in ourselves and also raise our confidence. On the other hand ambitious goal can lead us to self destruction. We need to make a lot of sacrifices in order to achieve our ambitious goal. The sacrifice that we make for the goal may not be worth it. There is a high possibility that the sacrifice we do, may not give the desirable end result and personal satisfaction. So, I think that it is important to set a realistic goal to have a happy and peaceful life where we don't have to neglect ourselves and make much sacrifices which may not be worth it.  
  
In addition, realistic goals are more likely to be achieved. People having realistic goals suffer less also get less criticism and failure, they are likely to have a carefree and happy life as compare to those who are pursuing the ambitious goals. Realistic goals motivate a person to achieve it. People having ambitious goals are are likely to give up on criticism and failure only some people get the success over many sacrifice that they make over years. So I think that it is more important for a person to have a realistic goal that can be fulfilled.  
  
In conclusion, I think that it is more important to set realistic goals as it show a clear direction to be focused, grow confidence in ourselves , motivate us to work hard, likely to be achieved. Whereas ambitious goals have less success rate , people are likely to give up on failure and criticism, it may also take us to a self destruction. In my view realistic goals also helps us to get the success with less sacrifice than ambitious goal which also help to get a happy life life. So it is important to set realistic goals.
You do not really need to count out your discussion paragraphs. An academic opinion paper uses topic sentences rather than ordinal numbers for the presentation. That is because your discussion paragraphs need to be connected through transition sentences, or a sentence that will connect one topic to another in the next paragraph. Thus showing a clear academic discussion ability that is required of college students in UK and US schools. Topic sentences better support your presentations rather than word fillers and place holders such as ordinals.  
  
The TOEFL test does not require a concluding paragraph in its presentation. The use of phrases such as "In conclusion" is less effective in this test. Rather, a clear discussion wrap, without making it obvious that it is a conclusion, would be better appreciated. Rather than saying "In conclusion", it would be better to simply use a concluding topic sentence or phrase. For example you could have said "All things considered..." or "As one considers these discussion points..."
## IELTS Task 2: Government is wasting money on the arts

  
  
I am learning IELTS and this is my essay on the topic.  
**Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts. And that this money could be better use elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?**  
  
Art has existed for a long time and has always appeared in all aspects of human development since then. However, that the government is investing too much money in the arts is the widely held opinion. Those who think that the funding of the arts fields could be used for other purposes are greatly mistaken.  
  
Art consists of seven forms and they are always present in our daily life, such as cinema, music, painting, theater, literature. One cannot deny that they are different types of entertainment that cannot be missing in society. By going to the cinema, listening to music, people can relax after many stressful hours of work with only a small amount of money. With these simple ways to relax, we can better focus on our work, which leads to greater efficiency. In addition, the profit, for example, from the music and film industry, is not a small amount and this also contributes to the development of the economy.  
  
Moreover, some people were not born to be a scientist or an engineer. Their mind is full of emotions and art is the way they can express themselves. Investing in art is the encouragement for them to develop their appropriate skills. Furthermore, introverts, who do not often show their feeling, may sympathize with the messages of a song or a book, which helps them express their thoughts better so they can interact well with other people.  
  
Taking these points into considerations, I would like to emphasize that, the arts prove their advantages not only in the economy but also in the social life of human. The investment in this sector is absolutely not a waste of money and it should be balanced with the funds for science, technology or healthcare.  
  
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Could you please have a look? Thank you for all your comments!
Your response to the prompt question is incorrect. As you can see below:  
  
OQ: To what extent do you agree with this view?  
Response: Those who think that the funding of the arts fields could be used for other purposes are greatly mistaken.  
  
The question is in relation to your agreement or disagreement with the given opinion (I strongly agree, partially agree, greatly disagree, totally disagree). It not related to the issue of whether the opinion is correct or incorrect. As such, the essay clearly shows that you misunderstood the prompt for the discussion and as such, strayed from the given discussion instruction. So, your response format is now incorrect, thus ensuring that your TA score will start under a failing score. Once the TA score is failing, it is near impossible to reverse the failing score trend in the essay. This singular error could result in a totally failed overall score due to other errors present in your written presentation.
## Unsatisfactory job, shortage of money or Improve and try

  
  
It has been argued that withstanding work-related stresses or ameliorating working conditions is pleasanter for workers. In my opinion, employees should enhance their knowledge and experience to get promotion opportunities.  
  
There are principal reasons struggling workers to improve their qualifications. Initially, lack of financial support and experimental facilities restricts them to approaching professional study and practical experience, especially in medicine. Furthermore, to cope with the strain of daily working life, they tend to opt for the tolerance and acceptance, which will partly slow the reduction of their happiness level. Another reason for this opinion is that if they have experienced too much failures, the feeling of regret and frustration will cause them disheartened to try again.  
  
On the other hand, there are a number of reasons that highly motivates employees to attempt on their occupation. In this fast-changing world, the growing demand of life leads to constant efforts to accumulate the property and reach a higher standard of living. Therefore, people will continuously improve themselves to get a well-paid job instead of satisfying with their current salary. However, dissatisfaction with pay is not the only motivation for working. As has been mentioned, though some would stand for the tolerance even without passion to their job, there are others who are enthusiastic enough to change and perhaps reach a higher level of happiness. Lastly, it could be admitted that the desire for knowledge is inside everyone, especially intellectual people. Take an example of an inspiring story from a Chinese girl, her attempt in 10 years after graduation finally gave her what she deserved, as becoming a resident of US.  
  
In conclusion, as an individual, each worker has to make a choice by taking actions or settling down, resulting in their own career.  
  
I would appreciate for all your feedbacks and this essay's score if possible. Thank you!  
  
For essay scoring, please contact us at essayforum.com@gmail.com.
The prompt paraphrase reads as incomplete. There are several missing information that should have been presented. This was either caused by a lack of English proficiency, or an inability on the writer's part to clearly analyze the essay for restatement to the reader. There is no reason presented in the restatement based on the topic. Considering the presentation of the writer, there should have 2 reasons indicated in support of each point of view. These would have helped represent the thesis statement of the writer based on the reasons provided for his/her supported topic. There is a lack of proper restatement that would have covered:  
  
- Topics  
- Reasons  
- Discussion instructions as integrated into the thesis statement/personal opinion of the writer.  
  
**\* Limited free review due to essay scoring requirements. Contact us privately for accurate scoring reviews**
## IELTS WRITING TASK 2:

  
*It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes believed claimed that any child can be taught to become good sports person or musician. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.*  
  
Some people are regarded to be born with certain talents namely for music or sport and others are not. Meanwhile, it is also claimed that any child are able to become an acceptable player or musician by training. To my mind, I believe that all people have their own innate capacities and if they want to be superb at fields that they have not had talent for, they still can learn for it.  
  
To start with, all children are born with certain natural abilities. For example, one may be incompetent at learning scientific subjects but is a great language learner. One might not sing beautifully but is excellent in drawing. Personally, I believe that there are different aptitudes inside each child. The important matter is that their talents are developed by the time or not, which depends on factors such as parent's nurture, surrounding environment, ...  
  
Secondly, it is undeniable that with inborn talents, children have ability to learn quickly and perform superiorly at the beginning. However, it has not meant that no talent, no excellent. For instance, Ronaldo, who is a famous worldwide footballer, at first did not have any innate talents for football at all. But he trained arduously to become what he wanted to be - the best kicker in the planet. And he has done it. People called him the genius of hardship. This character is a typical example proving that practice leads to success. Besides, if someone does not cultivate their talents, by the time, it will be buried. Meanwhile, people who have no capacity at first, learn it day by day and become expert in that field.  
  
To summarise, it is essential to train to be exceptional at anything regardless of having talents or not.
Some people are regarded to be born with certain talents namely for music or sport and others are not.  
This sentence has cut and paste / memorized phrases coming from the original presentation. The same word use will result in penalties for your work in the TA section as you are going to be seen as incapable of using word equivalents to help you explain the topic in your own words. Aim to change all of the keywords from the original in your prompt restatement to avoid such penalties.  
  
The essay instruction is clear. This is a 3 format essay composed of 3 discussion paragraphs:  
Public opinion 1  
Public opinion 2  
Personal opinion  
  
In this presentation, your avoidance of pronoun usage portrayed the discussion solely from a personal point of view. Thus the essay will be considered and incomplete discussion and will only receive partial points, based on a personal opinion, which is the final paragraph presentation as far as the required format is concerned. Though the discussion is acceptable, there are still several errors covering various scoring considerations that will further pull down your score. One of the main and glaring errors in this presentation is the consecutive use of punctuation marks (comma and ellipses). This will definitely affect your GRA score as it shows a lack of sentence structure understanding on your part. You cannot use 2 punctuation marks successively. That is incorrect written grammar.
I would paraphrase the topic for the introduction like this:  
It is widely believed that some people were born gifted in a particular field, such as music or sport and they could easily become professional people in the future, while others argue that everybody has to learn to be good at something. To my mind... (your sentence)  
  
And the conclusion:  
To summarise, to be professional in a field, it is essential to train hardly and persistently. The talent contributes only 1%, while the accounts for 99% in a successful performance.
## IELTS 1 - CO2 emissions per person

  
  
**The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom,Sweden,Italy and Portugal between  
1967 and 2007.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
The graph illustrates carbon dioxide emitted per person on average in four different countries(UK,Sweden,Italy and Portugal) from 1967 to 2007,and it is measured in metric tonnes.  
  
Generally,it can be seen that in the UK and Sweden,the average amount of CO2 emitted per person saw an overall downward trend,which,conversely,rised in Italy and Portugal.  
  
To be more specific,in the UK,starting at around 11,the number stayed constant in the first ten years before it saw slight but consistent drop from 1977 to 2007,when it reached the lowest level ,at just below 9 metric tonnes.By comparison with the situation in the UK,in Sweden,despite the fact that the number peaked at over 10 in 1977 after commencing with approximately 9 metric tonnes in 1967,it dropped significantly to 7,and after that,the trend slowed down and hit a low of 6 in 2007.  
  
However,there was an inverse trend in Italy and Portugal.The average CO2 emissions per person increased from 4 in 1967 to over 7.5 in 1997 before staying stable in the next ten years.The figure for that in Portugal had kept rising from 1967 ,at 1,to 1997,at 5,when it began to go up slightly and finally reached 5.5,exceeding the number of Sweden in 2007.  
  
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Please feel free to comment and if so, you can give me a band score. Thx!  
  
Please contact us directly: essayforum.com@gmail.com for a band score.  
  
*
The summary overview is a run-on presentation. The first sentence should have ended after the inclusive years were presented. The second sentence, referring to the measurement, is based on a different set of information. Hence, it requires its own sentence presentation. It is unrelated to the previous information so it cannot be presented using the word "and" due to thought clarity requirements.  
  
There are points of criss-crossing information in the presentation between Sweden, Italy, and Portugal that should have been referred to in the essay as a part of analyzing the information in an important and notable manner. These points of intersection help show a true review of the image.  
  
You tend to use run-on sentences throughout the presentation,causing undue stress for the reader. Expect this practice to reduce your GRA and C&C scores in the actual test due to the confusing / difficult to follow information presentation. Use more periods than commas to indicate a change in sentence idea or information presentation.  
  
**\* Limited free review presentation due to band score requirements. Contact us privately for scoring needs.**
## my summer holiday

  
  
-Oh! Last week I had a summer holiday  
  
-I called my friend and talked about it to him  
-+ my friend advised me to go to anywhere to relax  
-+ I decided to go Dalat, this trip was for 1 day, I like to Dalat because it was very cool and scenery was beautiful, Dalat had much location to visit  
  
-+ before this trip : I prepared everything about: some money, cellphone, some clothes, camera  
-I invited my friend to go with me, I thought to go 2 people happier than alone  
-We went Dalat by bus, both of us were very excited  
-On the way to Dalat, we talked many things about: job, life, love, studying and other  
-On that way to Dalat, we saw many pine trees and the whole car was covered by fog. The higher it gets, the colder it is. We thought of losing the wonderland.  
  
-Two hours later, we came to Dalat; we carried our suitcase to the hotel for 1 hours  
-After that we visited to the City's Flower Garden, we saw many flowers and we took a photo that  
-After that we were hungry and we found the restaurant, we had lunch together  
-We ate bread, meat and vegetable and drunk cola  
-After that we took a rest for 30 minutes  
-Afternoon was coming, we visited Dalat's university and Xuan Huong's Lake for 2 hours  
-After that we should to go home because we were tired  
-We stayed the hotel and took a shower  
-After that we had a dinner for 30 minutes  
-For 7 pm we visit to bolero club and listened many songs after that we hiked belong street  
-We had a joyous night  
-At 10 pm we went to the hotel and sleep  
-Next morning, we prepared to go home; we said goodbye to Dalat and went to home  
-I had a memorable vacation  
please help me to fix it  
  
Please refer to our private services at essayforum.com@gmail.com due to specific instructions, thank you! EF
I would have to say that the format for the presentation is improper. You are using a poetry based format for a presentation that should be essay type. Due to the format situation, your presentation now has punctuation problems as poems are required to have specific punctuation marks that help to clarify the voice of the writer in the presentation. The writing is elementary enough in English usage. You wrote clearly and your narrative is easily understood. However, the presentation of this essay would have been better had it used the essay rather than poetry format. Perhaps you typed this up on your cellphone? That is why the format is different from if you had used a laptop or tablet to type it up?
If I were not to consider this based on Task 2 essay requirements, since you did not specify if you were writing this for a practice test, then I would have to say that you made a good effort in this writing task. You have shown an understanding of the topic and the reasons why you would want teenagers to work part time. It is almost as if you work part-time yourself. However, there are times when your thought presentation becomes unclear. Perhaps these are situations when you are uncertain as to the translation of your thoughts from your first language to your second language. There are also some spelling errors here and there in relation to words that, thought correct in usage, were spelled incorrectly. Not worry though, the reader knows what you meant to say.  
  
**\* Limited free review presentation due to specific review requests covered by our private services.**
I need help to check errors and identify the band score.  
  
***It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.  
  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

  
What sort of punishment should parent and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?***  
  
Early education is the key to develop the future characteristics of children that help them decide what shall they do or not. Some people argue that applying punishment will help the young to behave better. From my perspective, I will discuss rationales behind this viewpoint before showing why I disapprove this claim. Also, I will provide the efficiency punishment methods to educate the young for both parents and teachers.  
  
First and foremost, punishment somehow can shape the behaviors of naughty children. Due to strict rules such as applying detention, there are some cases that the young may resist to their parents when being heavily controlled. According to many mental researchers, shouting or even wore, doing physical damage to the young will worsen their health as well as emotion that follow them until they become adults. Furthermore, children learning at nursery schools will not able to understand the speak from adults. They will mimic the actions like adults to behave.  
  
Besides, it must be acknowledged that there are many efficient solutions to educate the young at an early age through punishment. One of them is that applying detention with explains will help the early children understand why they should not do wrong things such as taking toys from friends. Moreover, using "candy and stick" technique is one of the best methods to teach children. They will try to avoid doing negative things in order to achieve the rewards as soon as possible.  
  
To summarize, educating the young by punishment must be applied in appropriate ways. A combination of many methods can help children change their mind effectively.  
  
Please contact us privately due to specific requests, thank you! EF