dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
*Hello, this is the first time I post my essay on this Web so feel free to read and check when necessary ^^*  
  
**TOPIC(03/02/2018): The only way to improve safety on our roads is to give much stricter punishments for driving offences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Assuring road safety proves to be of great necessity in elevating traffic security. The idea that only through rigorous penalty can traffic safety be advanced. In my opinion, there are more ways to solve such problem than just implementing harsh punishments on driving misdemeanors.  
  
On the one hand, there are justified reasons from those who support heavy sentences in order to reform traffic wellbeing. First of all, the government dispel any ideas of the same repetitive outrages. Therefore, various kinds of penalties are imposed which contribute to enhance understanding for traffic attendants such as: increasing the amount of fine, driving license suspension, imprisonment,... Additionally, people are stimulated to obey the law willingly by enforcing severe punishments. For instance, when one gets punished heavily, he or she will instantlly be more careful by paying more attention while driving or slowing down in order to notice pedestrians crossing. Thus, new drivers especially the young who manage to learn before attending the troublous congestion is heightened their intellect by applying such tough sentences.  
  
On the other hand, I would argue that there are some ideas served as solutions for decreasing danger on the road which is not only by imposing heavy penalties. Firstly, public transport should be reasonably decreased prices for everyone, mainly for students and senior citizens. Hopefully, traveling by public transports like buses or trains, which aim to be sufficient accords in both developed and developing nations, may be a contributor to diminish traffic jam and even air contamination. Besides, young new traffic attendants are encouraged to be educated before they are ready to meet the flow of vehicles. For example, "joy riding" is arised when someone steal cars and drive them without particular goals, but just the pleasure or trembling of doing so, owing to the widespread popularity among untaught individuals before driving. Hence, some people believe that everyone should be well-informed about traffic laws so as to minimize offences on the road.  
  
In conclusion, leveling fine status is not the only solution to improve road safety as there are numerous different approaches to tackle aforementioned issue
@Wendynguyen803  
Hi there!  
  
Welcome to the forum. I'm a contributor here; and I'll provide you with feedback on your essay.  
  
First and foremost, your writing is truly one of the most put-together ones I have come across in my time here. I think that you have great grasp of the language and its structure. That being said, I would suggest that you now focus on curating content that would be optimal for your essay. What this means is that you can create a more professional and/or academic tone through omitting unnecessary words alongside ensuring that you are as specific as possible when you are expanding your thoughts.  
  
Secondly, while I generally agree that using transition words can generate positive results, I think that you can better utilize these things if you can use them strategically. Doing this will make certain that you are not merely taking up space - rather, that you are truly utilizing your essay's space in the most productive way possible. If you can pay attention to these facets of writing, it would be beneficial for your content.  
  
Straightforward, brief, and specific are all core parts of writing.  
  
Let's revise a part of your essay to give you an idea.  
  
... heavy sentences ~~in order~~ to reform traffic well-being. Firstly ~~of all~~, the government dispel ~~any~~ ideas of ... Therefore, ~~various kinds of~~ penalties are ... to enhanced understanding for traffic attendants ~~such as~~: increasing ..., and imprisonment~~,..~~. Additionally, people ... ~~by enforcing severe punishments~~ when severe punishments are enforced.  ~~For instance, w~~When one gets ... slowing down ~~in order~~ to ... Thus, new drivers ~~especially the ... sentences.~~ are challenged to comply.  
  
I hope these comments have helped you. *Best of luck in your writing endeavors!*
## Government should invest in teaching science rather than in other subjects

  
  
TOPIC: Some people think the government should invest in teaching science rather than in other subjects for country development and progress. To what extent do you agree?  
  
Below is my writing (292 words)  
  
Some argue that science education should be invested rather than remaining subjects to progress the development of a country. In my opinion, though science subjects are the key to development, other subjects also play a vital role in sustainable development. Therefore, I only partially agree with the above argument.  
  
On the one hand, science subjects like mathematics, physics, chemistry, and technology benefit the advancement of a country undoubtedly. The innovations of technology are witnessed everywhere. Many discussions and conferences on the Industrial Revolution 4.0 and the future of biotechnology lead the governments to pay more and more attention to science education. Hence, investment in science subjects are obviously necessary and worthy for the country and also the entire world.  
  
On the other hand, subjects in language, business, and personal development are also beneficial for the growth of society, in term of sustainable development. Language training specifically supports global communication from which one country can gain a better connection to one another to share mutual interests and development strategies. A well-invested business training program will educate business insiders with professional trading skill sets who will know how to run a business with less risk of bankruptcy and better commitment to the trading policy. Additionally, a person who was well-trained by personal development courses will perform better in all areas that they are participating in, as a result, bring positive effects on the development of the country they live in.  
  
In conclusion, investment in science subjects is essential for development; however, the government should also spend a proper portion for other subjects to acquire a progressive development sustainably.
@katiemeo  
*Hi* there!  
  
Let me help you with your essay - I'll do my best.  
  
First and foremost, I recommend that you try investing more space and time into ensuring that you have more of a streamlined form of writing. What this means is that you should be able to incorporate techniques and methods that will help you create more substance in your writing within shorter texts. While this may be tricky, doing things such as omitting irrelevant details and repetitive (synonymous) terminologies can go a long way in the process.  
  
I personally find that your writing already has hold of that content-based depth that I am usually looking for when I am reading other peoples' works. However, I would still recommend that you should have more organization when it comes to writing. For instance, in your third paragraph, while your sentences were able to detail out these training programs, it was quite cluttered when it came to tying everything altogether. This can be resolved through merging together the conclusive remarks you made about these separate trainings - or you may also try to resolve things through adding more terminologies in your concluding remarks.  
  
That being said, **let me revise a few parts of the text for you.**  
  
... the advancements of a country ~~undoubtedly~~. ... technology are ~~witnessed~~ everywhere. ... to pay more ~~and more~~ attention ... Hence, ... are ~~obviously~~ necessary ~~and worthy~~ for the country and ~~also~~ the entire world.  
  
Just try to focus more on words that you actually need. Do not prolong sentences longer than they need to be.  
  
*Best of luck* in your writing.
compare the data on number of cars made  
  
The table below shows the number of cars made in three countries in 2003, 2006, 2009.  
  
2003:  
  
Argentina: 235,088  
Australia: 452,163  
Thailand: 735,852  
2006:  
  
Argentina: 352,759  
Australia: 341,268  
Thailand: 1,162,356  
2009:  
  
Argentina: 466, 089  
Australia: 245,624  
Thailand: 999,963  
  
( Since the image is too big to post, I decided to rewrite them above.)  
  
The table compares three countries in terms of car production between 2003 and 2009.  
  
It is clear that Thailand, despite a slight fall in the last three years, was the largest car producer over the period shown. While Thailand and Argentina saw a big increase in automobile production, Australia experienced a decrease.  
  
In 2006, Thailand was the largest car manufacturer, producing around 730 thousand units, which was higher than the combined figures of Argentina and Australia. Australia supplied over 450 thousand units to the market, whereas Argentina only produced 235 thousand units, at just half of Australia's. However, over the following 6 years, Argentina overtook Australia as the second highest among three countries.  
  
From 2006 to 2009, the number of cars manufactured in Thailand rose dramatically to a peak of more than 1 million in 2006 units before declining to 999 thousand units in 2009. Meanwhile, the figure for Argentina increased by around 200 thousand units. By contrast, a fall by a similar amount in car manufacture was seen in Australia.
@Nhanpham147  
*Hi* there!  
  
Writing tasks challenge you to compress your thoughts into smaller chunks of text. I suggest being more strategic when it comes to which information you wish to incorporate into your text. Omit unnecessary and irrelevant words to have more space for fruitful discussions.  
  
That being said, next time, I would opt that you try to divide your discussion into two portions. Firstly, you can start off with a descriptive text on what you can observe or discern from the texts that you have. Secondly, you can begin to elaborate on a more critical analysis viewpoint of the essay. Having two distinctive portions would help you sharpen your writing for more long-form content.  
  
Replace repetitions with synonymous terminologies. This would help you saturate your text with a good amount of complexity, ensuring that you are able to grasp the fundamentals of the language before proceeding to polishing the technical side of your writing.  
  
With that being said, **I can propose the following revisions for a portion of the text:**  
  
~~It is clear that~~  Thailand, ... the period ~~shown~~. ~~While ... production~~ Among the three countries mentioned, only Australia experienced a decrease in automobile production.  
  
Best of luck in your writing.
Please give me some comments so that I can improve my writing. Thanks in advance!  
  
## to live near parents when studying or not?

  
  
**It is better for college students to live far away from home than live at home with their parents. Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Whether students who have access to tertiary education should live from a distance with their parents or not remains controversial. While many people claim that college learners should not stay too close to their families, I strongly believe that living alone is more advantageous.  
  
On the one hand, living at home with parents does wonders for students at the time they come to college to some extent. Firstly, those who learn at universities can focus on their study more easily without concerning too much about mundane life. This is because they can seek for help from their families with such things like household chores or shopping, which can save their time to spend more on studying. On top of that, it is safer to be supervised by parents, who would pull their children from worthless activities. As university is a completely new environment for those who just have finished their high school education, they tend to be appealed to something different, which can waste their time or even be harmful for them like drug and addictive.  
  
On the other hand, I am of the opinion that staying far away from home is a better option which can prepare college students for the future. To begin with, learners who have access to university have to deal with problems on their own, so they can increase their self-reliance. To illustrate, they need to manage their finances properly to have a stable life, and sometimes it is quite hard to get support from their parents. Secondly, since college students often cope with struggles by themselves, they become stronger and more mature, which helps them to overcome bigger obstacles for the time ahead. For example, on occasion, they have to make decision about important events in their life without any advice from their families, that can give them confidence and determination.  
  
In conclusion, although I admit that living near from parents when studying in college can be beneficial for students in some way, I do hold the fact that studying far away from home could have some positive impacts as my opinion.
@hunghoiham1999  
Hi there!  
  
I'll do my best to help you with your essay.  
  
First and foremost, as I always tell students on the forum, straightforward goes a long way when you are writing. Being able to express your thoughts into smaller chunks will save you a lot of effort, considering that it will also enable you to think more thoroughly about the content of your essay. Doing this will help you sharpen your writing in the long-run.  
  
More than that, evade using descriptions that do not serve you well. This can be an extensive list. Generally speaking, including words that are not academically appropriate or do not add depth to your discussion is part of this process. If you can eliminate these words, you will go a long way when it comes to writing. That being said, this does not mean ultimately omitting all of the adjectives; it just means being more strategic with what words you wish to incorporate.  
  
Remember depth and clarity are characteristics that would go above simply prolonging your text for the sake of fulfilling a word count.  
  
With these in mind, **let's revise** a few portions of your text.  
  
... with parents ~~does wonders~~ is beneficial for students  ~~at the time ... extent~~. Firstly, ~~those who ... on their~~ students can focus on studying ~~study more~~ easily without being concerned about day to day living ~~concerning too ... life~~. T~~his is because t~~hey can seek ~~for~~ help ... with ~~such things like~~ household chores ~~or~~and errands ~~shopping~~, ~~which can save~~saving their overall time ~~to spend more on studying~~.  
  
... different, ~~which can ... addictive.~~ wasting their time with harmful activities.  
  
I hope this has somehow helped you. Don't be afraid to reach out. Best of luck in your writing.
## responsibility for scientific experiments

  
  
**Scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the governments rather than private companies. Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
It is highly recommended that the authorities take care of scientific experiments instead of private businesses.while there are some arguments in favour of scientific research by corporations, I completely agree with this statement that this sould be funded and supervised by the state  
  
On the one hand, having the main danger of private conduct of research that affects directly the aim of this research. The results of the investigation may be flawed due to profit motive. This is because companies can put their hands into the research to change the result that can help them contribute to their finance. For example, there are a lot of pharmaceutical businesses exchange the ingredients of medicines to some of them cheaper, which might take a negatively great influence to the patients because of financial gain.  
  
However, governments also need to take over the research. Firstly, universities can conduct high- quality research and share knowledge. For instance, in most universities in hn, the students may cooperate with the professor to conduct some researches and public to the other learner. The research can guarantee to provide hight knowledge. Secondly, expenditure on areas of research can be prioritized such as health. The government usually make a tremendous contribution to medicines. In many developed countries, the authorities put investing in the medical as priorities as an economy such as the USA, they always have a hugely caring to the research related to the medicine  
  
In conclusion, I think the investigation should be conducted by authorities rather than private companies because of those above reasons this is the first I finished the essay without helping from internet. i am really bad at writing. I will attempt to write essays every day, and not foget to check your remarks, let see how score I can get in Ielts. writing band now is 5.0. BEGIN now.
*Hello there :). Without the help of the Internet is really impressive like wow :D.*  
However, it seems like you do not double check your essay. There are a lot of really tiny minor mistakes like you keep using the old words such as "conduct". Synonyms for this like: "manage" "supervise" "control" "handle" and blah blah blah. And the your layout is really funny like in conclusion. Your "saying" did not separate with the essay that may confuse some ppl :(  
  
Now into the details:  
"While there are some arguments in favour of scientific research by corporations, I completely agree with this statement that this sould be funded and supervised by the state". What i think is wrong here is that u write "I completely agree with this statement", you should have used " the fomer statement " or you will confuse the reader because they think you agree with the corporation's control.  
  
There are a lot more but now i have to eat so see ya i will check your essay later LOL :V.
Please give any comments if necessary on my writing, I would really appreciate. Thanks in advance!  
  
## Benefits of Telecommuting For Employers and Employees

  
  
**TOPIC: Many employees may work at home with modern technology. Some people claim that it benefits only workers, but not employers. Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Over the last few decades, a wide range of modern technology has been invented and used in many aspects of our lives, and is especially conducive to work. The fact that staffs can work from home with advanced devices, however, only does good to the staffs themselves, but not managers, according to some people's beliefs. From a personal perspective, I completely oppose to this idea and in this essay, I will clarify my viewpoint by giving these reasons.  
  
To begin with, it can be clearly seen that working at home can help both employees and employers saving a large amount of money. Normally, these money must be spent on travel expenses, gasoline and offices' rent, which are mostly be paid by the managers. Therefore, allowing staffs to work at home by using modern technology like laptops and smartphones is a good way to run a company without having to pay too much money on unnecessary things. Moreover, telecommuting can also increase productivity of employees because working from home enables them to have the most convenient and comfortable environment to accomplish their tasks. For instance, if employees have to spend time to travel to work, there is every likelihood that there are going to be unintended incidents occurring on their way to the office. As a result, not only the employers must pay for hospital fees, but the work efficiency of employees is also reduced.  
  
Critics may say that working from home unables managers to track their staffs' work and productivity. However, this can be done easily with the advent of up-to-date technology and notification of deadlines. Take TimeDoctor for example, an online app which allows small businesses to track working time of employees.  
  
To sum up, it is evident that modern technology has granted people a mixed variety of advantages, especially in business. Telecommuting is now available in many companies, and perhaps a favourable way to benefit both employees and employers.
Hi ctyn1203,  
  
I think you should be more careful paragraphing your essay.  
  
As you "completely disagree" with the statement, I would expect two body paragraphs, each elaborates on one reason for your position. You may refute the statement by presenting a solution (as you did in body paragraph 2), but it's not wise to dedicate a whole paragraph to do that (and in terms of length, you failed to distribute equal word counts to both paragraphs, which may easily give out the impression that your ideas are not fully extended).
@ctyn1203  
*Hello* there.  
  
Welcome to the forum! Let me help you with your essay.  
  
First and foremost, be cautious of the structure of your sentences. You have a tendency to compose quite baffling content. This is mostly rooted from the the fact that you tend to ramble a lot in your writing. Have more compressed and yet structured content - doing this will enable you to have hold over your essay's direction in the long-run.  
  
Keeping these in mind, I recommend that you try to incorporate more necessary terminologies. Using more appropriate terms will help you heighten the level of your essay as you are able to focus more on content that matters. Incorporating synonymous terms will also help you evade being repetitive with your words. This is critical when you are writing with long-form content.  
  
Remember: being straightforward and having clarity both at the same time will take you a long way when it comes to writing.  
  
Keeping these things in mind, **let's revise a few portions of your essay.**  
  
Over the last ~~few~~ decades, ... and used ~~in many aspects of~~ our lives, ~~and is especially conducive to work~~ extending to work-related means. ... home with ~~advanced~~ devices, ... good to ~~the staffs~~ themselves, but not to the managers~~, according to some people's beliefs~~. From a personal perspective, I ~~completely~~ oppose ~~to~~ this idea. ~~and in this essay, ... reasons.~~  
  
Notice how omitting the last sentence still gives you a similar idea of the thoughts you want to portray - but with a shorter overall length. Incorporating these types of content will help you become more engaging with your essay in the latter portions.  
  
Best of luck in your writing.