dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
This is my essay for the topic, grateful to have any feedback.  
  
In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels health and fitness is decreasing.  
  
What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?  
  
## main reasons of the overweight problem in a society

  
  
Public health is negatively affected by the increasing overweight problem in some countries. In my opinion, there are several reasons can be used to explain this situation.  
  
The two main reasons of overweight are overeating and less physical activities. One the one hand, people tend to overeat because there are genes laying inside our bodies to protect ourselves from starvation. These genes were developed from our ancestors who had been experienced the starvation for millions of years since the origination of human race. Until recently, due to the development of agriculture science, at the very first time, many people are no longer in the starvation situation as increasing food productivity. But the genes still encourage us to do so. On the other hand, this technology-based society requires less physical activities from us. We can get almost everything done without moving around. For example, we can do online shopping without going to the real store or use virtual reality technology to travel around the world without having real field trips. This trend makes us no way to consume the extra energy we take in.  
  
In order to solve this problem, the government and society should work together as a whole. Firstly, the government should provide enough facilities to encourage people to do physical exercise, such as building sports facilities in the neighbor or park and organizing sports events on a regular basis. Secondly, social awareness of good eating habit should be emphasized through varies social media, like tv, Radio or internet. For example,  
  
In conclusion, the lack of proper eating habit and physical exercises are the main reasons that cause the overweight problem and unhealthy condition. The ideal solution to address this problem is to encourage people sports or exercise regularly and form a balanced eating habit.
Hi. Your thesis statement does not fully include the prompt, as it asks you for the **causes** and **solutions** but you only mentioned the first one. In addition, you should answer the question of the prompt in the introduction part, which are the causes and suggestions.  
  
You over discussed in the second paragraph and your reasons literally confused me. It did not make any sense as you said: "people tend to overeat because ...". I think it's more of the natural instinct of human when the stomach tells us when we are hungry, not about the genetic.  
  
You have not even finished your third paragraph 3 yet, and I'm afraid if this is a real test, you will be scored very low.  
  
The conclusion was the only part that I appreciated on because it is too perfect and on-point in my point of view.  
  
I hope my suggestion will help you with your writing. Have a good day.
Some people think that the media(newspapers)have the right to publish details of people's privaye life, while other's think it should be controlled? Discuss both views  
  
It is true that these days more and more people's personal life have been placed in newspaper with the popularity of smart phone which is facilitate the users to take photos and video filming. Some people support that they are legitimate to do it in terms of public safety. Nonetheless, due to the privacy issues, other people think that the press should be regulated. In my opinion, it is a dilemma to balance between public safety and privacy issues.  
  
First of all, it is an effective way to prevent people from committing criminals because of getting exposure in newspapers means people's behaviors have been monitored. Thanks to posting the offenders' criminals in the print media, people will be alerted and obey the law and therefore the public will self-disciplined. For the sake of raising the awareness of public safety, people, especially offenders' private life shall be disclosed to the public.  
  
In spite of the above argument, this action will interfere people's human rights which include privacy issues. Privacy issues have long been a concern for a civilized society. With a view to protecting this basic and vital human right, government has set up authorities and established the law to avoid revealing people's personal information such as personal privacy ordinance and privacy commissioner. Thus, this action should be regulated in terms of respecting human rights.  
  
In conclusion, it sounds a bit cliché that coin has two sides, however, it is true that circulating people's private life not only cease criminals but also threaten other's human rights. In my view, before judging whether these actions violate the law, government should figure out the reasons behind and the outcome of the news reports.
## more time for kids' leisure and play

  
  
**In the present era, children are found to have fewer responsibilities than they were in the past. Some people consider this a positive development, however, others believe this to be a negative trend.  
  
Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
Writing  
  
There is a contentious debate among the public about whether youngsters nowadays giving fewer duties is a bright side or a negativity. This essay will reveal both views of this statement and I shall give my own opinion later.  
  
To begin with, fewer responsibilities on the shoulder of teenagers helps them have more times to develop themselves. In the past, making ends meet was really a struggle, so besides academic path, adolescents had to take on various tasks given by their parents, such as taking care of younger children and supporting their family financially. As a result, they barely had free time for themselves. In contrast, teenage children these days are more advantageous as some of the obligation burdens on them has been reduced, therefore they will have more leisure time to focus on studying, as well as playing. All in all, teenagers in the present own more time for their personal desires.  
  
However, when juveniles are given fewer obligations, there causes a negative inclination. There is a term "entitled generation" used by adults to refer current teenagers are too lazy and dependent. Some wealthy family does hire housewives to do all the household chores, and this act totally hinders the independent ability of a teenage child. Consequently, those granted children are more likely to have trouble with dealing up social circumstances in their adult life.  
  
Personally, despite the aforementioned shortcomings of this tendency, I still believe it as positive. Because adolescents at the moment do not have to worry much, it is beneficial for them to explore more hidden potentials inside in order to be a comprehensive individual.  
  
In conclusion, it can be seen that there are pros and cons when juveniles are less responsible currently. Nevertheless, my firm conviction is that this trend is a good thing, as youngsters do not need to be concerned much about other aspects of life.  
  
*I really have limited ideas about paraphrasing the term "responsibilities" (only duties and obligations in the essay). Can somebody have any ideas about this?  
What are the other ways to express "positive trend" and "negative trend"?*
Hoang, stop over writing in your essays. Your work still suffers from lack of clarity and coherence in the paragraph presentations. Don't say it the long way when you can say it in a simpler, clearer manner. You won't be graded for writing short sentences, you could lose points for writing run-on, unclear, and incoherent paragraphs as you are constantly doing in your essays. You are not practicing using a timer and you are not proof reading your essay. If you did, you would know that you are taking too much time to write these essays and you are not reviewing it for presentation problems. Which is why the essays are unclear in its idea presentations per paragraph.  
  
Since you lack familiarity with English word usage and its synonyms and antonyms, I urge you to download a thesaurus app and try to memorize the synonyms and antonyms for various English words as listed in the app. For responsibilities, some synonyms are : burden, liability, obligation, answerability, culpability, and so on and so forth. Positive = clear, conclusive, specific, absolute, etc. Negative = adverse, unfavorable. Remember, the synonym you use must also correspond to the meaning of the sentence as you want the word to indicate. So just knowing another term for the word does not mean you will be using it properly. You need to understand the meaning of the word before you use it otherwise it will confuse the reader if the word you use has a different meaning from your intended one.  
  
You can only increase your English language vocabulary if you build on your vocabulary. Read in English, watch movies in English, speak in English as much as possible, surround yourself with English 24/7. That's the only way to build your vocabulary skills.
Hi, in my opinion, I believe that the main problem of your written essay is your structure. This is a discursive essay, in which you are required to state your ideas in a balanced way. Your opinion must be stated in the introduction paragraph (thesis statement) and restated in the conclusion paragraph.  
  
Back to your body paragraphs, it seems to me that you did not have any relevant opening statement, which the examiners will consider as an interpretation for entire of paragraph. You have to know that each paragraph only focus on one main point. Therefore, always remember to mention your opening statement in your body paragraphs. Never state new ideas or irrelevant supporting sentences to that opening statement. That would make you lose score in Coherence and Cohesion criteria.
@Holt  
Thanks for the feedback. That's really helpful!  
And by the way, lexical resources are not really a problem to me, since I think I work on it pretty well, I know quite a lot of vocabs (There are no boundaries in the number of vocabs to learn obviously so I simply estimate to some extent). But I have trouble with applying all of them and therefore overall, my overall ability is just equal to normal people who don't acquire much vocabs but know how to use them properly.  
  
I have a question: How to learn vocabulary effectively? How to absorb after learning a new word or a phrase?
You have a problem with vocabulary usage and therefore, lexical resources because even though you understand the meaning of the word, you are unable to apply it to your own English grammar requirements in various settings. There are times when you misuse an English word because of what you "think" it means as opposed to what the word "actually" means. Knowing the English words and knowing how to sometimes use it is different from the English fluency of a native speaker who knows how to properly use the word, along with the synonyms and antonyms of the word(s) all the time. Your English vocabulary is only of the beginner kind, not intermediate, not advanced.  
  
If you want to continue to build your vocabulary, then read more advanced English reading materials. These would include text or ebooks of anything of interest to you such as a hobby or any anything. Documentary and historical books written by American and British authors would be your best bet for improving your lexical resources from your current basic English word skills to intermediate or advanced. This will also give you a template from which you can learn how to write complex sentences. Watch English documentary films so that you will be exposed to advanced academic English words and complicated sentence structures. By learning more complicated English words, you will improve your LR and GRA scores.  
  
Take note of words you do not understand the meaning of then look it up in the dictionary, then do a search for the same word in a thesaurus. Note the different words for the positive and negative representations, look up the meaning, note and remember the meaning, then practice writing sentences that use the same word(s) until using the word becomes natural to you, making sure the words are always used in the appropriate reference format (vocabulary meaning, definition) in your writing. Do the same when speaking English as part of your regular English usage practice.
Hi, I have just read your essay. I will take some note from my point of view here:  
First, I assume that you should re-manage the structure of your essay. You ought to consider the number of sentences in each paragraph equally. It is probably seen that you put more concentration in the first paragraph than the other two main paragraphs.  
  
Second, I could not see the topic sentences. Your supporting sentences and word collocations made me confused. Thus, I could not fully get what ideas you wanted to express. I suggest you do more grammar exercises and train yourself to use the word right.  
  
I wish this could help you. I am not really good at vocabulary but I just only use the words that I know them best.
Hi there,  
  
Despite all the suggestions mentioned above, there are several things you need to pay attention as well.  
  
Do not give your opinion later, give it at the introduction right away.  
  
For your second paragraph, if you want to compare the difference between the past and the current, make sure you put the ' children these days' sentence behind your thesis statement. Your point was fewer responsibilities benefit children on their individual growth, so you needed to explain why your statement was true then used a comparison to make it persuasive. It helps meet the CC requirements.  
  
Have a good day.
## Whether or not universities should only offer to young students with highest marks?

  
  
**Many people say that universities should only offer to young students with highest marks, others say they should accept people with all ages, even if they did not well. Discuss both view and give your opinion.**  
  
People have different views about whether higher education should only provide for gifted students or extend to people of all ages despite they did not perform well. Personally, I am more convinced that people all have access to education opportunities regardless of their abilities.  
  
On the one hand, there are some reasons why people think that tertiary education only should be available to young students with good grades. Firstly, a good academic result probably reflects students' ability and determine whether or not they can fit in academic environment at college. If students have not acquired sufficient-knowledge at high school, they are possibly not qualified for higher education. Secondly, selecting outstanding students at a young age allows the governments to concentrate their resources towards the development of high quality workforce. In other words, rather than taking risks in training students of mixed abilities, the states can mobilize resources to create a more favorable learning environment with improved education quality, better research capacity and facilities for a selected group of high-potential individuals.  
  
On the other hand, I embrace the idea that making universities accessible for everyone regardless of their age and learning capacity. The right to education is a human right, so everyone should be given freedom to enter higher education if they desire without any limitation. The benefits of university education are not influenced by their age, so there is no reason to set age requirements in college admission. Additionally, it is true that high school students take a wide range of classes. For this reason, many students may end up having poor overall results, but in some certain subjects, their marks might be extraordinary high. For example, my friend performed very badly at Natural subjects, such as Math or Physics, making her average score disappointedly low when she left high school. However, she was excellent at English and became top students when entering university. Therefore, students like my friend should be allowed to take advantage of their strengths and join in specialized courses at university.  
  
To conclude, notwithstanding certain advantages of limiting higher education to young top students, I reaffirm the idea that opportunities should open up for everyone to enter university.
Uyne, with regards to the writing problems that could affect your GRA score, I would like to call your attention to your use of adjectives. In this essay you used the adjective extraordinary when you should have used the adverb extraordinarily. It is a common mistake among non-native English speakers. I would not worry about it so much in an everyday setting but for the IELTS test, you should avoid making such mistakes in order to retain a higher GRA score. You should also aim for clarity in your essay so try to avoid redundancies such as "whether or not". Whether alone is sufficient since it already indicates the two choices a person is to choose from.  
  
Now, with regards to your prompt paraphrase, you show a clear misunderstanding of the discussion instructions. The original instruction indicates:  
  
*Original Instruction: Discuss both view and give your opinion.  
Your Response: Personally, I am more convinced that people all have access to education opportunities regardless of their abilities.*  
  
As such, the assumption of the examiner will be that all of indicated discussions are coming from your personal point of view, rather than the required discussion instruction that considers the two public points of view prior to the formulation of your personal opinion.  
  
You are not developing the full potential of each paragraph discussion. The lack of clarity in your presentation paragraphs stems from the way that you are discussing 2 points of view per paragraph, without the benefit of a connecting / transition sentence, which works far better in creating a cohesive paragraph than counting your discussion topics. By counting your discussion topics rather than connecting them, you created 2 unblended topic discussions, resulting in a paragraph that lacks explanations and clarity. You tried to get around that problem by using long sentences, called run-ons, which only further added to the confusion of the presentation discussion. Normally, single topic paragraphs work best, specially when done within 3-5 sentences.  
  
Your concluding paragraphs is only a single sentence, which is also a run-on. It should have been a summary conclusion which reminded the reader of the discussion topic, your discussion reasons, and your personal opinion to close the essay. As it is, the essay is open ended, which means the essay is not properly developed nor closed.  
  
By the way, use a timer the next time you write the practice essay. You wrote more than 300 words which, when you use a timer, you will find you will be unable to do. The most you will be able to write is between 250-300 words. 300 being a stretch at this point. Remember,  
  
1. Use a timer to stay within the time limit and write the appropriate number of words;  
2. Aim for clarity with every paragraph. Present complete explanations rather than several under explained reasons;  
3. Properly summarize the conclusion.  
4. Review your essay, revise the essay, edit the essay, before you submit the essay for scoring.
Hi all, I am currently practicing the writing skill for my upcoming IELTS test. I would be much glad if all of you could give me the comment for my work. Thank you a lot!  
  
**The two maps below show road access to a city hospital in 2007 and 2010.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant**  
  
## ROAD ACCESS TO A CITY HOSPITAL

  
  
The two maps illustrate the changes in the pathway to a city hospital in 2007 and 2010.  
Overall, there are some significant differences between the former route structure and the latter one. It can be inferred that the road access was considerably developed in three years.  
  
As shown in the maps, staff car park in 2010 took place of the entire car park site in 2007. In addition, the public car park was extended to a larger size compared to a previous parking area in the last three years, located in the east next to the city hospital.  
  
The reconstruction of Hospital Road released two new roundabouts in the intersections of Hospital Road with other main roads in the period between 2007 and 2010. The approach to public transport was easier in 2010, by going from Ring Road, Hospital Road, and City Road. However, in 2007 there was no convenience in reaching a bus stop, altered by a roundabout in 2010.  
  
**(161 words)**
My essay is about:  
*''It is more important to spend public money promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment of people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree of disagree?''*  
  
Can you give me a band score for this essay? I will do the real test on 21st December, i'm still so worried about my writing skill !!  
  
Thanks in advance!  
  
## raising people awareness for a healthy lifestyle

  
  
Some people believe that the government budget should be spent more on building a healthy lifestyle for illness prevention than the treatment for the disease from which people are suffered. Personally, I completely agree with this point of view for the following reasons.  
  
First of all, spending money on ailment prevention is more cost-effective than that on treatment. Preventing is always easier than treating because it takes less time, effort and money. For example, one person can avoid diabetes which results from excessive digesting high-calorie foods by the simplest way - following a balanced diet. The cost of a healthy meal is obviously incomparable to the expense of a medical treatment.  
  
Secondly, promoting a healthy lifestyle can bring long-term benefits for both the government and its residents. While a treatment can only target a specific health problem, having a healthy lifestyle can help people prevent a variety of ailments. For instance, frequent exercise not only strengthens the immune system but also reduces the risk of obesity and other related diseases.  
  
That is not to say that government should not spend any money on illness treatment. It, of course, is the moral principle and our responsibility to cure the patient and this should be invested adequately. However, I believe that in order to get the highest result from the money spent, it is more beneficial to give priority to illness prevention.  
  
In conclusion, I think the government can benefit more from allocating a large part of the medical fund to raising people awareness for a healthy lifestyle, rather than illness treatment.
Your writing style is clear and well-arranged. However, I would like to point out a few things that need improvement:  
- The opening paragraph seems a little bit simple.  
- The topic sentence in paragraph 3 have not provided the reasons/points to support you idea that "it is beneficial for the government"  
- The sentence structures can be improved to impress your grade-giver.  
In short, I think you will get 5.5-6.0  
Goodluck!