dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**What do you think were the advantages and disadvantages of living in a village?**  
  
In the past, most people would like to live in small house and a big garden. I think so, in my opinion, i want my life near natural. Because, I see the advantages when i live in village. The first, your life will more peaceful, enjoy clear asmosphere.  
  
The second, your parents feel more happier when you are not only have a good job but also can take care of them. I mean, every familys also wish that when they are older day by day, their children will in close them. All of myself, I love them, if they happy i will feel warm.  
  
The last thing, I like to grow anything by my hand, example, bonsais, vegetable garden, flowers garden which so difficult to do in the city.  
  
Althought in the city have many thing attracts me stay again but my loves spend to family make me come back home.
it is my honor to give several suggestion for u.  
this is my suggestion.  
  
... i want ~~my life~~ ( it should be I WANT TO LIVE ) near natural. Because, ~~I see the advantages~~ (it is more effective if you wrote I REALIZE THAT IT HAS ADVANTAGES ) when i live in village. The first, your life will BE more peaceful, ...  
  
The second, your parents feel more ~~happier~~HAPPY when you are ...  
I mean, every ~~familys~~ (FAMILIES ) also wish that (...), their children will BE in close them.
... to live in small house ~~and a~~WITH big garden.  
... i want my life near BY natural.  
... more peaceful, enjoy ~~clear asmosphere.~~FRESH AIR  
  
The second, your parents feel more ~~happie~~ r HAPPY when you are not only have a good job but also can take care of themYOUR SENTENCES LIKE GOOGLE TRANLSETE DO YOU MEAN WHEN YOU HAVE GOOD JOB NOT ONLY THAT BUT ALSO YOU CAN GIVE THEM MORE ATTENTION .  
  
~~I mean~~AVOID THIS WORD IT IS NOT ACADEMIC VOCAB CHANGE TO IN MY OPINION , every familys also wish that when they ...  
  
1. PAY ATTENTION WITH YOUR STRUCTURE  
2. MAKE A GOOD FLOW  
3. DO NOT TOO SHORT MAKE A SENTENCES  
  
GOOD JOB
Hello Trang. I will give you some opinions about your essay.  
  
Introduction:  
(1) *There are some grammatical errors, such as* "...in **(a)** small house ~~and~~**(with)** a big garden ..."  
(2) *Maybe you should use a common situation than personal feel or think, such as**'most people/ some people agree with this statement' rather than* "... i want my life near natural (i want stay near natural places, such as mountain/ river) ..."  
  
(3) "The first, your life will more peaceful, enjoy clear asmosphere". *You have to make a difference paragraph between intoduction and body 1 (your first idea/ opinion/ solution) and give the reader the more reasons*  
  
Body 2:  
"I mean, every **familys***(families)* also wish that..."  
  
Body 3:  
"I like ~~to~~ grow***(ing)*** anything by my hand..."  
  
*There is no conclusion for your essay. Give some repititions with different words about your opinion.*  
  
Good luck
**Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
It is true that a lot of prisoners change into good people after they were released from jail. There is some controversy over whether they are the best people to give advice to youngster about the negative effect of crime. I personally strongly agree with the statement and I have some reasons to support it which will be explained briefly in the following paragraph.  
  
To begin with, public always have prejudices against ex-prisoner but not all of them have a bad personality. A lot of them committed crimes because they were in a desperate situation, for example they could not find a job to support their family who was in dire need. In prison, they were provided with technical skill and personal development program. After accepted back to the society, they work harder and become more successful than regular citizens as they have learned a lesson from their past. Those who have committed a crime and have been sentenced to be imprisoned often understand the value of life and thus change radically.  
  
Lots of young people, in the opposite, are not mature enough to appreciate their lifetime. Lacking guidance from custodians, youngsters lost their target of life, start to lead a life of debauchery, and then some of them commit crimes by mistakes. I believe this is the point which experiences from a former prisoner, who have changed their life, can help. With ex-prisoner shares, it is hoped that youngster's view could be broadened, their awareness of the dangerous side of crimes could be raised. Therefore, young people would become good citizens.  
  
All in all, I totally support the idea that former prisoners who have changed their life will be admirable mentors. After learning valuable lessons from people who were imprisoned, it is hoped that youngsters would avoid from crime activities in the future.
Hello nguyendo, I will give you some opinions about your essay  
  
Introduction :  
"It is true that **a lot of** prisoners change into good people after they were released from jail". *I suggest to use "more" words rather than "a lot of" in an essay.*  
  
"There **is some controversy** over whether they are the best people to give...". *You have to 'stress' your own words by using singular or plural form. E.g : There are some controversies...*  
  
"I personally strongly agree with the statement and I have some reasons to support **it which** will be explained briefly ...". *I suggest to use "... to support it whom will be ..." or "... to support which it will be ..."*  
  
Body 1:  
~~**A lot of**~~*(Most of/ Some of)* them committed crimes because (...) find a job to support **their family***(their families)* who **was***(were)* in dire need.  
  
Body 2:  
"I believe this is the point which experiences from a former prisoner..." *There is a grammatical error when you use "I believe". It should be "I believed that ..."*
**The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over.  
  
What effects will these predicitons have on developed countries if they prove true? What can be done now to deal with this situation?**  
  
It is believed that many people enjoy their various lifestyle in most developed countries because these countries are rich, so they have multiple choices what they want to do in the future. On the other hand, those who want to marry cannot live with partners in order to mismatch the sense of value.  
  
This trend connects to declining birth rate. In many developed countries, the birth rate. In these countries, the rate is 2 or less, so the population cannot be kept. It is the causes that the average age of marriage is surging and the number of possibility of childbirth is decreasing. In another view, the labor is shortage because of aging society. The longer people live, the more expensive the social security is, so many younger do not want to marry and get children because of lacking their living expenditure.  
  
To begin with, it is easy for women to give birth to their children without retiring work. In these days, a lot of companies consider women as to be important workers. Government should assist the finance to the companies and make return from childbirth and parenting easy. Moreover, retirement age ought to raise until 70. Elder people are health because of good condition in most industrial countries. Some people lose vitality because of quitting their jobs, so companies can meet the workers' needs if employing again.  
  
It is necessary for these countries to do measures against declining birth rate and aging society. Maintaining the population means that we can live safely and make sustainable development.  
  
(257 words)
Hallo Naoki28, I'll give you my opinion about your essay.  
  
Introduction:  
*I think it will be good enough, if you were just making the background facts in the question as your introduction by using your own words (paraphrase). You used your idea (that should be the body of your essay) in your introduction. Just give a few summary about your idea in the first paragraph.*  
  
Body 1:  
*There is an unclear sentence in the second paragraph for* "In many developed countries, **the birth rate** (?)".  
"In another view, the labor is shortage because of aging society". *Maybe it is better if "the number of labor is decreasing/ declining/ falling".*  
  
"so many younger do not want to marry and **(to)** get children because of ...". *It is parallel structure.*  
  
Body 2:  
"In these days, **a lot of** companies consider women ...". *It is better for using "more" words rather than "a lot of" in an essay.*
This article was written by Nina Strochlic. Based on the report and photograph of Nicolas Mathevon, a biologist and crocodilians, who explained how the mother crocodiles treated their newborns.  
  
Mathevon said that actually the hard-hearted animals were the loving mothers. Crocodile is one that can illustrate this situation. In fact, among the baby crocodiles that is still in the eggs have the particular signals that they send to their mother when they are ready to crack the eggs. Mathevon then played the recording of the particular signal that he had saved before. He played it around the mom crocodile, and it made the mom directly back to its nest and dig out the sand where it put the eggs. Then, when the recording played around the eggs, the baby thought that it was a signal from its siblings to hatch.  
  
By the time baby crocodiles grow, the mother that was full of affection turn to be fraught because of offspring's call.
As the world becomes technologically advanced, computers are replaced more and more jobs. Because having many benefits, people use it as work tools. Sometimes they depends fully on their function.  
  
I don't deny computer's benefits, According to my opinion, originally computers were invented in order to serve for something which people can't do or take along time to do your jobs.Their aren't replaced for all things.  
  
In the present, the technological development too quickly make people tend to be want something be auto. They'd like to work that spend little effort and time but the highest effect. So they don't know that many opportunities are brushed. For example, the communication skills with your around people are limited. Moreover, the results which they looking for or they want to know, all that answers are on the Internet. People don't need more and more brainstorm, thinking, creation and effort. Using computer raising abilities disease about eyesight.  
  
I take a for example, the children are future of a country, when they see on the computer have everything, they dont give informations from their parent. They will study together the computer, staring on it, search anything. But they don't want to go out.  
  
Therefore, The warn for all people, we should use computers the most reasonable way, Don't have what automation also make us better . Knowledge and experiences be set up from practice in go out society.
Hi Trang  
  
I suppose that this essay is not for scholarship purpose but for IELTS one. Please kindly check my comments below:  
  
... technologically advanced, computers ~~are replaced~~ more and more jobs.  
are replacing  
  
Because having many benefits, people use it as work tools.  
incorrect grammar, please use: because + S + V / because of + N  
People use them as work tools / people use it as work tool (if you choose to use plural noun in previous sentence, use plural noun for this sentence)  
  
I don't deny computer's benefits,  
Computers are arguably beneficial devices for human.  
"Don't" is informal, please do not use it in essay writing.  
  
According to my opinion, originally computers were invented in order to serve for ...  
In my opinion/ From my view  
Computers were originally invented to make tasks easier for human.  
"Can't" is informal, do not use it in essay writing  
  
Their aren't replaced for all things.  
"Aren't" is informal, do not use in essay writing  
Also, I suppose that you are about to discuss on the pros of computer, so try not to mix up the cons here. You might want to discuss all the pros first in one paragraph, and discuss all the cons in another paragraph. It would make your writing more clear.  
  
In the present, the technological development too quickly ...  
Avoid "something" in essay writing  
The rapid development of technology has changed user behavior. People tend to automate not only difficult tasks, but also easy ones recently.  
  
"They'd like to work that spend little effort and time but the highest effect."  
They prefer to work with less effort and time spent, but with higher productivity.  
  
So they don't know that many opportunities are brushed.  
You are mixing up the pros and cons again  
  
For example, the communication skills with ...  
By using computers most of the time, human interactions would be affected. (This is cons, again, mixed up with pros part)  
  
Moreover, the results which they looking for or ...  
This sentence has no relation to the previous sentence. In the previous sentence, you are mentioning about the limitation in human interaction by using computer. So, the readers may expect to hear more of why and how it affect the human interaction,  
  
People don't need more and more brainstorm, ...  
Pros & cons mixed up  
  
Using computer raising abilities disease about eyesight.  
"Ability" is a "positive" word: leadership ability, fast learning ability, computer usage ability  
Excessive computer use would make the threat to human's eyesight.  
  
I take a for example, the children are future of a country, when they see [...] experiences be set up from practice in go out society.  
  
please try to avoid translation from your language to English (in your mind) when practice writing.  
  
I hope this helps
The word limit for the two questions is 350 words in total. Can someone please check my grammar and give me some feedback?  
Thank you so much!!!  
  
**1. The School of Engineering offers 9 concentration options, including (...) We are curious to know, however, if any particular program within Engineering presently appeals to you.  
  
2. What experiences and/or courses beyond school work have broadened your interest in Engineering?**  
  
Engineering, a perfect combination of my passions in math and physics, has appealed to me since grade 10. However, I was unsure about whether this pathway was suitable for me since none of my family members were in this field.  
  
In order to learn more about engineering, I did my co-op placement at Hand and Upper Limb Centre (HULC), Western University. I worked in the bioengineering laboratory directed by Dr. Jim Johnson and participated in a research projects on optimizing the design of stemless shoulder implants. Working as a research assistant was totally not what I expected. Instead of playing with test tubes and chemicals as I imagined, I did mostly mechanical work-crunching data, making graphs, analyzing CT scans. Life only got excited when I saw people testing on cadavers' arms. At first I thought this job was neither interesting nor preparing me for university. But surprisingly, when I finally finished analyzing 64 shoulder specimens and knew that this research project could get into the next stage, the sense of accomplishment and satisfaction was stronger than anytime in my life. I started to see the real charm of engineering research, which to me was like practising a religious faith. The exploration of unknown was tough, but I got true happiness while fully devoting myself in this field because I knew I was helping patients in need.  
  
This experience strengthened my interest in the biomedical engineering program at Brown. I want to take ENGN 1490 - Biomaterials with Dr. Ian Y. Wong and learn more about the application of materials in biology and medicine. More specifically, I want to learn more about the materials used in bone and joint replacement as that was what I researched on during my co-op. I also want to take ENGN 1210 - Biomechanics with Dr. Thomas R. Powers. Mechanics is always my favourite part of physics. It is interesting to see how it is used in bioengineering. I would also love to assist Dr. Joseph Crisco's research on upper extremity mechanics. I have participated and enjoyed the research on distal radioulnar joint kinematics in hand fractures in the HULC lab, so Dr. Crisco's interest in sports injury prevention and performance really appeals to me.
Hi Erica, I believe this is my first time to review your writing projects and I can assure you we are doing every bit of best practices in order to provide you with the most accurate and comprehensive feedback that will boost your confidence in submitting your project.  
  
Now, first things first, as this is with two different prompt, I was expecting two different and separate essays. Yes, this is a supplement essay with two questions and I believe, in order for you to showcase and highlight your answers and a clear approach on the task at hand.  
  
Furthermore, I suggest that you write the question, followed by the answer and do the same for the second question, also, you can try to post the essay on separate occasions, this way you will have further focus and wider audience to give you additional support in your revision. For now, I would like to leave you with this insights and hopefully you can repost the essay in a way mentioned above.
Hello An Nguyen, this is some correction from me and feel free to correct me too!  
  
In ~~the~~ 1869, ~~the~~ Fifteenth Amendment passed.....  
  
.......give them rights to be citizenship and ~~right~~~~to~~ vote.  
  
....especially women want~~ed~~ to be conservatism in ...  
  
.....but why the government ~~have~~do not give them a recognition....  
  
In ~~the~~ American ~~society~~ societies and the rest of the world**,** people believed that ...  
  
Please notice about your grammatical and also about compound-complex sentences, thank you!
***According to an international travel magazine, many tourists today fly straight to their holiday resort and almost never leave it. Unlike tourists in the 1960s and '70s, they return home with no experience of the local culture.  
  
Why do you think this happens? How was tourism different in the past?  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience.***  
  
In the recent several years, air transportation becomes more and more popular and for a lot of tourists because of its fastness and convenience. So now we can easily and fast get to the resorts where we enjoy our holiday without finding route , and I think that changed many people's experience compare to in the past.  
  
In the past, travellers often sought out their own route to their destination and made a plan for their adventure. They walked or rented the motorbike to go to their wanted places, they can use the map and asked local people. After travelling, there were many memorable and interesting stories that they can't forget.  
  
Nowadays, many travel companies provide tourists with cheap deal packages including ticket, accommodation, meal... This means they can be transported from the airport to their hotel. With services which their hotel has, they don't need to go anywhere to purchase, so it is not uncommon to find travellers who never go outside the resort, because their hotel brings them all of things.  
  
Another problems is that travellers have no longer chances to access local people and see the real landscapes. I think that is the fascinating experience which they will be regret if they don't have when travelling. Although some visitors go out, they quickly return to their hotel where they feel safe and comfortable.  
  
This is different from in the past when hotels were simple and didn't have a lot of services for tourrists. They had to find places to eat or beautiful beaches by themselves. I was born in a famous landscape and when I was young, I saw a packbacker who talked to a local person to ask way to place which he wanted to go. I think that was great for everyone. Today, tourists seem to have lost opportunities to meet local people.
Hi Ha Hoang  
here some suggestions for your writing  
  
So now we can be easily and fast get to (modal + bare infinitive)  
  
they ~~can~~could use the map and ...  
  
from the airport to ~~their~~ the hotel (their means the tourists who own the hotel)  
  
their hotel. With services which their hotel had (better u did not stop there)  
  
Another problem~~s~~ is that travel~~l~~ ers have no  
  
I think that it is the fascinating experience  
  
I saw a ~~packbacker~~backpaker who talked  
  
overall, avoid repetition, use an academic word (don't = do not, can't = cannot)  
your example should be in body, not in the conclusion. furthermore. your paragraph is too short  
  
Best wisher
Many people have personal goals that it imagined to step next closer but honestly, if you tell your dream to other people that it would not good feeling. In fact, psychology expert said that saying someone your objective make them unhappy. According to Derek Sivers, many people try to pursue the goals such as less weight with jogging then you tell to someone which good reaction is good for your motivation. However if they have opposite reaction you will be less motivation to hard work. Hundred people involved in separated test. As a result, those have announced most close at the achieving the goal. Next, what can people do? Siver said, they should resist temptation to announce the goal and deliver social acknowledgment. In Addition, if people attempted to someone goal, just say exactly well done.
Hi Patta, please find a few additional suggestions for your analysis essay.  
  
- Many people have personal goals ~~that it imagined~~and they strive to take the next~~to~~ step ~~next~~ closer to that goal but honestly,  
- if you ~~tell~~share your dream to other people  
- ~~that~~ it would not be a good feeling.  
- In fact,a psychology expert said,  
- ~~that saying~~when someone  
- ~~your~~learns your objective it makes them unhappy.  
- pursue their goals such as ~~less~~ weight loss with jogging  
- then when you tell to someone  
- ~~which~~and they have a good reaction, it is a good ~~for your~~ motivation for you .  
  
There you have it Patta, as you can see there's quiet work to be done and I left a few sentences, in order for you to practice editing it yourself and follow through the above remarks.