dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
There is a minimum of 3 sentences and a maximum of 5 sentences per paragraph. Your introduction and conclusion do not meet the minimum paragraph standards. The paraphrasing for the introduction is incomplete as it does not deliver a clearer version of the original prompt and its discussion points. The conclusion did not summarize the discussion points as you laid out in your reasoning paragraphs. So those 2 paragraphs will reduce your final score.  
  
The reasoning paragraphs need to be more focused. You are not discussing a comparative essay but writing a defensive essay. The defensive essay has the sole purpose of proving that your singular point of view is valid for the discussion as presented. The defense if presented over 2 related paragraphs that fully explain and support the discussion sentence in every paragraph. Avoid presenting more than one topic per paragraph in the defensive essay so that your presentation will not be under developed. Your current presentation has too many topic sentences and not enough development in terms of evidence and explanation.
***In many countries today, people in cities either live alone or in small family units, rather than in large, extended family groups.***  
## Is this a positive or negative trend?

  
  
These days, living alone or in small family units, compared to in large or extended groups, is more enjoyed by people. Personally, this is a negative tendency to me for three key reasons.  
  
Firstly, while a standard family containing two or more generations is more likely to bring the sense of family spirit, living in small families or alone may decrease this. The reason is that it prevents people from having strong connections with other members. As a result, they will lack an invaluable part of life, leading to unfulfillment. For example, people who work away from their families could lead a less happy life, as they do not have a chance to meet their beloved ones frequently whom they can share and express themselves comfortably.  
  
Second, people living with few members in their family may suffer from financial pressure. This is because they are less likely to share the bills and expenses with other ones, especially those living alone. This, in the long term, would result in more serious effects, such as bad debt or even crime involvement. For instance, youngsters who do not have financial share within their family may commit robbing, when they have to deal with stacks of expenditure lists waiting for them.  
  
Thirdly, the more people live separately, the higher the need for shelters is. Consequently, there would be land and space shortages, as constructing houses or apartments require a lot of resources. If this continues to happen at a rapid pace, the government would run out of land to construct social architectures such as hospitals or schools to benefit the public.  
  
To sum up, even though there is an increasing number of people who prefer to live on their own or in small family capacity, it seems to me that this is nothing but a negative trend.  
  
(303 words)
The paraphrase you created is missing one sentence to meet the minimum paragraph requirement. You did not paraphrase the original topic sentence. You basically did a cut and paste, which will indicate that you can only write in memorized phrases or cut and paste versions to a certain extent. You need to completely change that topic sentence. Do not leave any original words in it. So it should read like this:  
  
*Urban dwellers live in 2 different nuclear units. Either solo or with minimal number of relatives. This is the emerging trend these days as opposed to the time when people lived with large household members.*  
  
Also, this is a 2 paragraph essay, there is no need to waste time and word count on 3 reasons when the rest of the time during the test should be spent cleaning up your draft writing mistakes. Your third paragraph is actually a solution response, not a reasoning response along the lines of the negative trend discussion you presented. So, since that is not relevant to the discussion, word deductions will be applied, which means, your essay will go down to 243 words. You will be under the word count. As such, percentage deductions will be applied to the TA score due to the essay not being minimum word compliant.
*Hi! I'm practicing for the Toefl writing task 2. Please help me review my essay. Many thanks for your comments!*  
  
Topic:  
## **Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?**

  
*It is better to work as a team than as an individual to succeed.  
  
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.*  
  
My essay:  
  
There are a variety of ways in which people can approach works. However, in my opinion, working in a group is more advantageous than working individually. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following paragraphs.  
  
Firstly, when it comes to addressing problems, teamwork enables us to produce effective and diverse solutions. Since each person views the problem from different angles, having a large number of people working together means having more creative ways to solve the issue, which brings benefits to the whole group. For instance, in my business class, when I and my classmates were assigned to work on a projects regarding how to cope with economic crisis, we gathered together and worked as a team to figure out the answers. We had five people in total, each member in the group came up with a method to overcome the obstacles. As a result, our group has eventually produced many creative ways to deal with the problem and achieved a high score. If I worked on this task by myself, I would not be able to finish the task such successfully.  
  
Secondly, teamwork is also important when we encounter difficulties during working process. People in the group are willing to offer help whenever one member runs into troubles. Take my experience as an example, when our team was conducting some experiments in a physics class, I had a hard time understanding and operating a machine. Fortunately, one of my friends in the group gave me elaborate instructions and kindly showed me the way to properly use that equipment. Thanks to his assistance, I was able to complete the task quickly and effectively. That is how colaborating as a team can help us succeed.  
  
In conclusion, I believe that we should always work in a group rather than on our own, for it not only helps increase effeciency and effectiveness of the task, but also benefits us in case we face unexpected problems while working.
You did very well with this discussion. Although you do not really need to restate the prompt in the first paragraph, doing so did help retain the clarity of your discussion. However, the examiner would have expected you to start the discussion at this point. At least a 2 opinion presentation. Just to help him keep track of the discussion requirements.  
  
You should remember that your discussion and examples are being relayed from the past time line. So you should be using the past tense version of words. You cannot say; "our group has" which is a present time indicator. Rather you should have said "our group had", a past time indicator. You should have also avoided the word such in "such successfully". Simply saying "successfully" is sufficient for the presentation.
Hello everyone, can someone give me some useful feedback on my writing? I aim to score at least 6.5 for my writing. Your useful comments on grammar and vocabulary would be appreciated. Thank you~  
  
## the benefits of walking

  
  
Question: Walking is known to be beneficial for health and yet fewer and fewer people are walking these days. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to tackle this problem?  
  
Answer:  
The advent of speedy transportation is one of man's greatest inventions in minimizing distance, albeit at a cost of health degradation. Despite knowing the health benefits walking offers to humans, the number of people doing such activity is declining at an alarming rate. In the following essay, the principal reasons for this issue and some possible solutions to ameliorate this trend will be discussed.  
  
It seems that there is an array of integrated factors that contribute to this phenomenon, and chief among the causes of this problem is the quickening tempo of modern society, along with the advancement of transportation infrastructures that leads to a rise in the number of people commuting by cars and buses. Further to this point, the need to travel long distances to work has also contributed partly to the fall in the number of people walking on the streets. It is indisputable that human's indolent behavior and hedonistic mindset actively seeks for pleasure and convenience, thereby opting to drive instead of walking, which consumes more time and energy. Furthermore, this problem also stems from the fact that there are no adequate facilities such as public parks and gardens in the city to allow people to walk leisurely during their leisure time.  
  
Turning to viable solutions, probably the most practical countermeasure is for the authority to heighten people's awareness to lead a healthy life, which would increase the frequency of walking and reduce the amount of sedentary time. It is imperative for governments of developed and developing nations to allocate more money in building public parks and offer places of recreation for people to use. In addition, modules teaching students about the merits of exercising and walking must be taught at schools. If people make concerted efforts and put these measures into practice, it would greatly improve people's health to a great extent.  
  
In sum, this problem is highly unlikely to be overcome in the foreseeable future; nevertheless, it is by no means insurmountable. It is of paramount importance for governments and individuals to encourage a better lifestyle and extol the benefits of walking.  
  
(347 words)
@justikatanu  
First, I wanna say that I'm impressived by your essay. Your range of vocabulary is very nice and how you present your ideas is good too. But I think you shouldn't write too long, 347 words for an essay that should have around 250 words.  
  
For example: It seems that there is an array of ...  
  
This sentence is quite long, you should break it down. I think there's no need to add "that leads to a rise in ... and buses"  
  
In the real test, you may not have enough time to make it much perfect like this. Instead, I suggest shortening it, so that it can be succinct and you can avoid fewer mistakes!
You are using too many word fillers in this essay. You need to learn to open your paragraphs with topic sentences. The topic sentence is based upon the responses you provide in the prompt paraphrase. There are direct questions being asked that should be given definite responses to help outline your reasoning paragraphs. These will help you avoid over presenting your paragraphs and keep you focused only on the essential discussions to be covered within 3-5 sentences in the paragraph. You should also avoid presenting 2 ideas in one sentence, separated only by a comma. These long sentences, also known as run-ons are the go to presentations for students who do not really know how to properly present complex sentences. Avoid this error, it will lower your GRA score. Always present one idea in every sentence, that way you can really present a proper simple or complex sentence in relation to your discussion.
## Education just to pass exams

  
  
Hello everyone, I have just started working on IELTS and I aim for 6.5 band overall. Can you give me feedback on my essay so that I know what are my weaknesses and improve them? Thank you <3  
  
**Topic: Students should be taught academic knowledge so that they can pass exams, and skills such as cooking and dressing should not be taught. To what extend do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Schools are said to be a place where students study academic subjects in order to pass examinations rather than soft skills such as cookery and dressing. While some people advocate the significance of academic knowledge and exams and the fact that there is no need to teach practical skills, I partly agree with this idea.  
  
On the one hand, it is undeniable that studying academic subjects culminates in numerous benefits for students. Firstly, the examination results are essential for the academic record. With good grades, students can have an advantage in the university's entrance exam which considers their academic performance. Another positive aspect of this knowledge is that through academic subjects, students are able to obtain fundamental knowledge used in tertiary education. For example, some undergraduates in Vietnam have to study Microeconomics and Advanced Mathematics which consists of mathematical knowledge taught in high school.  
  
On the other hand, skills such as cooking and dressing also play an indispensable part in students' lives. The greatest benefit of them is that it prevents the degradation of students' life quality. Take students who live far away from their parents as an example. Some of them tend to choose junk food as a substitution for main meals due to their inability to cook. As a result, many of them suffer from obesity at an early age. Furthermore, soft skills also provide students new hobbies to unwind after a rough day at work and at school.  
  
In conclusion, despite the need for academic subjects for standard exams, I believe that skills such as cookery and dressing are of the same importance as core subjects in students' lives.
Normally, the extent essay does not accept a "partly" response because it does not create a clear opinion for your essay. The clear opinion is part of the TA scoring considerations. That is why you are encouraged to pick one side of the essay to support, using descriptive emotional terms. It allows you to show a clear opinion of strength, which will be supported by even stronger reasoning opinions in the next 2 paragraphs. Only the comparative essays allow you to use the "partly" discussion because those essays allow you to discuss both points of view before presenting your own opinion. In an extent essay, your opinion is all that matters from the start, hence the singular opinion based on the strength of your belief in a given statement. When you "partly" agree, you do not really propose an opinion of support. Instead, you try to take the middle ground and prove that both sides are correct. However, you are not allowed to use that response because the instruction only gives you 2 choices for your response, agree or disagree. Note that there is no maybe, no partly, no, perhaps in the response choices. You can only choose a response based on the given choices, you cannot make up your own response choice.  
  
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## learning the language and culture of another country by visiting it

  
  
**As a part of education, students should spend a period of time living in another country to learn its language and culture. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
In order to underpin the process of learning, it is suggested that students should learn the language and culture of another country by visiting it. Subjectively, though I do not deny that going overseas in exchange for linguistic and cultural gain is beneficial, I completely disagree with this idea.  
  
There are some explanations why students travel to a foreign country in turn for culture and language. Firstly, since every country is encountering globalisation which means an increase in competitiveness, it is necessary that students possess not only academic knowledge but also life skills to gain an edge over others. As a result, when visiting another country, they will be able to widen their perspectives by being exposed to various ways of people's lives. Secondly, interacting with native speakers in their own countries is far more effective to learn a language than in other ones. This allows students to discover more unique and attractive languages, or enhance what they are learning.  
  
However, I would present two main reasons why I am in disagreement with this idea. The first one is that students may face serious difficulties since they first go to an abroad country with inexperience. For example, those who get used to Eastern customs are likely to have cultural shock when coming to countries in the West. This, in the long term, may result in disappointment, helplessness or even depression. Besides that, because it would cost an arm and a leg to pay for expenses when studying abroad, students may severely suffer from financial burden which lowers their focus and efficiency on studying.  
  
In conclusion, regardless of the fact that devoting a period of time to learn culture and language in foreign countries brings several advantages, I am opposed to this idea for the reasons above.  
  
(296 words)
Your first paragraph is highly confusing to read. For starters, there is a difference between living in a country and visiting one. Living in a country means the student will spend at least one year in the country to immerse himself in the language. Visiting a country could be as short as a weekend, and no longer than 6 months. So your term, "visiting" is incorrect. Then, your last sentence did not make any sense. When you say subjectively, the implication is that you approve of the statement. But you said you completely disagree with the idea in the end. So, which is it? You will score less for not having a clear opinion based on the question asked.  
  
You are not being asked to explain why students might go overseas to learn a language, You are being asked to present an agreement or disagreement in relation to the idea that students should spend time abroad to learn a language. The overall essay does not meet the discussion requirements since you are not discussing a clear opinion with a supporting reasons. Your essay diverges from the original discussion topic, which creates a TA scoring problem for you.
## Printed newspapers vs online - IELTS

  
  
Hello everyone. I'm currently studying to get an overall 6.5 ielts score within October. I have produced this short essay. I'd like to have some feedbak about it as to understad if I'm moving in the right direction. Thanks everyone for the support.  
  
In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying.  
To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?  
  
It has been argued that in the next future newspapers will no longer be bought since all kinds of information will be free-accessible online. This essay disagrees with this thesis. Firstly, not all sources of information online are reliable. Secondly, not everybody is used to seeking news online, therefore newspapers are for them still the major reference.  
  
First off, during the last decade, the advent of the Internet has been followed by an ever-increasing flow of fake news. Instances of websites that constantly publish wrong information abound online, thus discouraging people from being attracted by free-online vehicles of information. For this reason, most people still tend to buy physical newspapers instead of reading free-online websites. This condition has been proved by a recent investigation. It has shown that newspapers' and magazines' sales have only decreased by 2 per cent throughout a 10-year period. This redoubtably suggests that printed information is still popular.  
  
On the other hand, although more people than before have access to online information, there's still a remarkable part of the population that is recalcitrant about embracing the innovation. Indeed, mostly seniors or mid-aged people prefer buying paper journals rather than reading online information either because they don't have an Internet connection or because, even though they are connected, those aren't able to search online for what they need. As a matter of fact, almost three-quarters of printed-news consumers are older than the average online users.  
  
To conclude, despite a downtrend in the newspapers' distribution, evidence suggests that this way of diffusing information is not set to retire yet both because people still trust them and also because not everyone has direct access to online resources.
It is unfortunate that our scoring services are no longer part of the free essay review service. You must now contact us for private essay reviews (email in our homepage) or make this thread URGENT to receive scoring services from a contributor. However, I am sure you will be able to judge how well you did with the essay based on our general review.  
  
**WARNING! STUDENT SCORING = ACCOUNT SUSPENSION !!!**  
  
While your prompt restatement is good, you need to use a first person pronoun to indicate the degree of your disagreement with the given thesis. The question clearly asks, "To what extent do YOU..." So that means, you should offer up an emotional response to the question. (e.g. I fully disagree with this thesis). The last line that includes the reference to "therefore newspapers", should be a new sentence. A comma cannot be used in that case because you are referring to a different discussion topic in the sentence already. As for the concluding summary, you should review your work. This is a run-on sentence presentation. The requirement is to have at least 3 sentences in the presentation. You should have divided the presentation to meet the requirement.
## Convenience foods will replace traditional foods

  
  
Convenience foods will become increasingly prevalent and eventually replace traditional foods and traditional methods of food preparation.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?  
Nowadays, convenience food is dramatically common in many countries. It is true that food which is prepared appears at most sites where sell food easily such as market, supermarket. So, people can consume this food higher than others. Besides, we can see that family size is declining and increasing single-adult household. Which is a reason for consuming domestic tasks are becoming boring and useless activities for people especially female. Moreover, the number of full-time working mothers is going up day by day and they have a tendency to use convenience foods which take less time to cook.  
  
Although, the utility of junk food is faster and cheaper than traditional food, these foods contain little nutrition value, artificial fats and high calories, etc. If people eat a big amount, they can face with serious diseases such as obesity, heart attack, diabetes. Therefore, smart consumer will choose food healthy and find how to cook in their free time instead of buying food contaminated with bacteria and chemicals. On the other hand, the traditional food has usualy a significant role of the culture of evey nation. For intance, cooking Chung cake spends more time preparing, Vietnamese would fall short of Tet taste, if they lacked this cake in their Lunar New year.  
  
In sumary, there is a close relation between our way of living and food habits. But, in the near future, it is hard to imagine that traditional food or method of food preparation will disapear and replace it with junk food
You have provided the discussion paragraphs for the essay. You forgot the most important part of the task 2 essay. That is, the prompt restatement + response to the discussion question. Avoiding the prompt paraphrase in totality will prevent your essay from achieving a passing score. You should remind yourself to always complete the TA requirement, which is the paraphrasing of the original discussion.  
  
This lack of a full paragraph explains why you have only the exact word count provided. For this prompt, the students normally present at least 275 words. That includes the prompt restatement and proper concluding summary of the previous discussion. Your conclusion doesn't meet the recap requirements either. You also used a conjunction to start a sentence. If there are no word groups to connect, you cannot use a conjunction. That is why you will be scored down in terms of GRA considerations. You misused the conjunction in your presentation by using it to start your sentence.