dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
*More and more qualified people are moving from poor to rich countries to fill vacancies in specialist areas like engineering, computing and medicine.  
Some people believe that by encouraging the movement of such people, rich countries are stealing from poor countries. Others feel that this is only part of the natural movement of workers around the world.  
  
Do you agree or disagree?*  
  
## skilled workers going abroad

  
  
Nowadays, competent individuals from the developing world prefer to work overseas due to the fact that it is simpler and more lucrative to work in the developed world. One community thinks that the developing world is losing capable individuals because of the developed world; Another community asserts that this is life, and it is just how the world works. I strongly support the latter community and will discuss the reasons behind this support.  
  
First of all, while it is true that the developing countries are losing useful individuals to the developed countries, it is also true that these talented individuals will no longer be taken for granted, which is crucial to the world as a whole. If these people contribute to the society, they will be rewarded accordingly. This is, however, most likely not the case if they worked in growing countries. For example, Mary - one of my colleagues - went through many ups and downs throughout her career in her country, but at the end she received the same rewards as those put less efforts into their works, which was extremely demotivating as she felt being treated unfairly.  
  
Apart from the poor treatment of capable identities, these countries tend to value intelligent individuals less than their counterparts, motivating their competent employees to move overseas. Eventually, the poorer countries will learn to appreciate and retain their citizens; however, this will not happen any time soon because of corruption. To illustrate, although a long time ago in my home country, many bright people were forced to leave the country due to inequity and corruption, now they are encouraged to return to my country by offering monetary incentives.  
  
In conclusion, people who come from developing countries usually experience inequity in the workplace, and they also are not so precious to these countries. This explains why they abandon their own country for richer ones. To reiterate, I completely agree with the second community believing that it is normal for employees to work elsewhere.
Peter, the first mistake in your essay is that you opened the paraphrase with an opinion statement rather than a simple retelling of the original prompt. As such, you have displayed that you unable to follow the proper format for the opening paraphrase. The format being one of a simple restatement of the topic for discussion, information regarding the discussion, and a restatement of the discussion instruction. The most basic rule for the opening statement is this:  
  
*No discussion of actual information can be presented in the opening paraphrase because of the required information in that section. There is no space to accurately explain the data you will be presenting because there is a 5 sentence maximum per paragraph, including the opening paraphrase. These sentences should represent a prompt restatement and not a discussion of the prompt thesis.*  
  
Therefore you can expect to lose major scoring points in the TA section of the essay, which is 50% of your actual score. As for your statement thesis, since this is not an "extent" essay, you went overboard by stating a "strong" agreement when a simple agreement was all that was required in the presentation as per the original prompt instructions. You must learn the difference between the different discussion requirements of the Task 2 essays. Always deliver the type of discussion required. Do not exaggerate, do not change the prompt either. Just stick to the basic instructions provided.  
  
Always aim to write a 5 paragraph essay as the Task 2 essays always fall under that requirement. Only the Task 1 essay can gain you an effective score with only 4 paragraphs. Task 2 has specific paragraph discussion requirements of one opening paraphrase, 3 body of discussions / reasons / opinion (with examples), and one concluding summary. 5 paragraphs with 20 sentences in total (5 sentences per paragraph). You under developed all of your discussions in the process of presenting only 4 paragraphs. In fact, I found most of your paragraphs confusing and difficult to follow. That is because you did not clarify the opinion you will be discussing and why you will be discussing in the body paragraphs as part of the thesis statement. A more appropriate format for the body of discussions would have been as follows:  
  
Paragraph 2 : Why you agree that people leave the country to work overseas  
Paragraph 3: Why you agree that this is just a natural process  
Paragraph 4: An expanded discussion of the experience of your friend  
  
By separating the topics for discussion as stated in the outline, you will be able to fully explain yourself (in paragraph form), represent all of the required discussion elements, and also showcase your ability to write coherently and cohesively in English. Right now, the essay is just a tad bit confusing to read for a native speaker such as I.
**Rising university fees and scarce employment prospects for graduates have led some people to say that universities should not teach art subjects, like philosophy and history, and only offer practical degree courses that maximize chances of employment.**  
  
## don't abandon art subjects at schools!

  
  
Even though it's more and more difficult to find a position in the workplace and the tuition fee in universities is increasing, I still disagree that we should abandon art subjects due to the following reason.  
  
We all know the technology, such as computer, digital and communication devices change rapidly in the 20th century. We are unable to master only one skill like our parents or grandparents used to do and thinking we can rely on it for the whole life. Rather we have to think outside the box and coming out with new ideas that people need it but haven't invent it. By doing so, it requires the creativities to invent the new products that haven't exist and the ability to find out the people's need.  
  
That's why arts subjects are so importance. For example, philosophy give us the sight of question the staffs around us and finding the nature of staffs, contributing us to think creativity, in addition, history tells us how it becomes progressive one step by step, which helps us thinking more logically and find out people's need. Still, art  
  
For instance, it's no doubt that Steven Jobs is the genius of inventor in this century, if you have read his biography, you would find that he mentioned not only one times the important of art and philosophy effected his way of thinking, making him find out the element of staff and eventually came out of the surface that people easy to use with the perfect appearance. He also said that, sometimes you don't think the two things are relevant, however as you combine them together. It turns out to be a surprising result.  
  
In conclusion, according to the reason I mentioned above, despite the fact that the practical degree is easily to find a job, I strongly stand on the side of supporting people need to learn art subjects in order to improving the creativities and logical thinking. After all, that's why people can distinguish themselves from the robot.
Liang, the first thing you need to know about this essay is that it does not properly paraphrase the original discussion topic and instructions. The second is that you are not discussing it along the correct line because of your inaccurate discussion instruction paraphrase. Let me break these two specific problems for you below.  
  
The opening paraphrase is used to represent the type of understanding that you have of the original discussion topic and instruction as presented to you for your use in this practice essay or, in an actual exam. The purpose of this paragraph is to have you prove to the examiner that you are capable of understanding and following English discussions and instructions by repeating what you read in your own terms.  
  
The discussion instruction line at the end of your original prompt explains to you how the essay should be discussed. Since you were asked for the "extent" of your agreement or disagreement with the essay, you need to use the so-called "emphasis" words in your response. The emphasis words are strongly, partially, somewhat, to a certain extent, as the most commonly used descriptors. Therefore, the correct representation of this essay paraphrase paragraph would have been something like:  
  
*Due to the steadily rising college tuition fees but lack of job opportunities for the graduates, concerned persons have come to the conclusion that universities can skip teaching any Arts and Sciences classes. That is because the focus of college should only be on helping students develop their skills in specific fields so they can be sure to get a job after graduation. I strongly disagree with this statement for several reasons.*  
  
Your body paragraphs truly support your discussion facts and makes a compelling case for your support of the continued teaching of arts and science on a college level. However, you neglected to deliver a strong concluding statement because you had a run on sentence for your first sentence in that paragraph. By separating the comments with a period, you would have been able to properly close your reasoning via summary of the discussion for this essay.
## some British students are multilingual

  
  
The pie charts demonstrate the information on the proportion of UK student who able to speak other languages which included no other language, French, German, Spanish, other language and two other languages than English in 2000 and 2010.  
  
Overall, a high percentage of British students was able to speak Spanish only in both years; whereas, German language user was only a few proportion contained in the graph in 2000 and 2010.  
  
Based on the information provided in the graph, the most British students can only speak Spanish which reached 30%; also 20% of that can only use English for communication. Totally 30% of students can use French only and another language which was not included English, French, German and Spanish. Moreover, 10% of students were better to use German; another 10% students could use two other languages.  
  
On the contrary, the proportion of information had charged in 2010. The number of Spanish language users increased which reached from 30% in 2000 to 35% in 2010. Another language students were increased 5% to 20 in 2010 which had a similar situation to students who can speak two other languages. English and Spanish students had significantly declined to 10% respectively. Also, students who only spoke German had to remain steadily in 2010.
Lau, where is the chart? I can't help you fix the mistakes of your essay without it. That is a given for every task 1 essay that is uploaded to this site for review. Without it, I can only comment on the form of your essay since that is easily observable in your work. Let's start with the summary overview. You created a single sentence summary overview when that should have at least been a 3 sentence presentation. Your trending statement should have been combined with the summary presentation, along with additional overview data from the chart in order to complete the paragraph structure requirements. All your other paragraphs had at least 3 sentences in it so those were correctly formatted with understandable analysis included, even though your grammar needs to be reviewed for spelling errors, of which there are a number of in this essay. The information you provided throughout seems reliable, but I can't really tell without the chart. So far, this paper has the potential to be a well graded paper. I just can't be sure because I haven't seen the chart that this report is based on.
*As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual well-being*  
  
## job satisfAction importance

  
  
More than 50 percent time life we spend for working that why job satisfAction is an important element of individual wellbeing. Many re search point that work enviroment, salary and promotion is the there Main factor contribute job satisfaction. And it is not easy to balance all of that for all workers.  
  
What you looking for when you find new job? And what keep you still work for that company? For two questions, Wwork enviroment is the common answer from all most candiate. So, why enviroment? Because follow the main idea of that, enviroment include Many things arround the job such as: office, cutulre, co-worker, process, that makes people feel comfortable when work in. And deep in side the suitable enviroment which deffinally help worker improve theirself. Rếach so that people feel happy if they work in professtional enviroment alow they creative and develope their still everyday.  
  
Beside that, salary is one of the most factor not because of money but mean about proof for their achievement. The same is with promotion. Both of that tell story about emotion in work. People always want to have great life and success in work is one of their logging.  
  
In fact, realistic in the expectation of job for all workers is far future because not worker have the same ideal woker. Moreever, to be balance all of factors and build up great work enviroment, company policy ...which need Many effort form many party not just goverment, employee but include employer.
Anh, I am not sure where to begin in pointing out the tremendous amount of mistakes in your essay. I guess I will have to start with the basic structural problems of your sentences. Look at the way that you wrote the essay. do you notice the misplaced capitalized words which are not nouns and yet you used a capital letter to spell the word with? That is a basic rookie mistake and shows that you do are not aware of the basic English writing rules. Next, you keep starting your sentences with the connecting words "And" or "Because", both of which can only be used in the middle of a sentence that requires the connection of two separate thoughts or ideas in one sentence. These words are never used to start a sentence because there are no thoughts or ideas to connect when one is simply beginning to write his thoughts down. I also caught you using ellipses in a formal essay. You do not use ellipses in a formal essay as these indicate that there are additional thoughts not included in the presentation. If you do not present complete thoughts in an academic paper and make the professor guess, your grade will suffer. That is, unless you are writing a casual paper or a creative piece, which you are not. You must be conscious of the English writing rules and also, learn to review your paper for possible simple but avoidable mistakes such as "Wwork". This is one word that should have only had a capital W because it was at the start of the sentence. These sorts of errors show that you don't really care about doing the exercise properly, you just want to get over with it so you don't care if you make glaring mistakes. Please, learn to care about the grade that your paper will get by showing responsibility in the way that you write your essays.
## socially responsible business

  
  
The idea that simultanously with making money, companies need to have public responsibilities remains a source of controversy. While it is widely accepted that profit is the top priority of enterprises, I myself believe that they should also conduct their business in a socially responsible manner.  
  
On the one hand, making profits brings about several benefits not only for enterprises but also for the community as a whole. First and foremost, the more money they earn, the more taxes they will pay for the government. As a result, authorities can have higher budget to spend more on key fields such as education, environment, or health care that contributes to improve the standard of living. Furthermore, thanks to maximizing their profits, companies have chances to grow their business which have positive effects on the society. For instance, with huge profits, a company can expand their scale, invest on new technology, so they would provide better goods and services as well as create more job opportunities within community.  
  
On the other hand, there are some strong reasons why firms should have social responsibilities. The first reason is that in order to have a sustainable development, companies should be accountable for environmental problems that they caused. For example, global warming stemming from emissions or irrespponsible waste disposal from factories is increasingly serious, or natural resources seems to gradually exhausted resulting from over exploitation. If they don't have solutions to tackle these issues, it would negatively affect the whole world, and they would be punished by authorities. Moreover, it is highly recommended for companies to provide financial support like scholarships or charitable donations for people who are less fortunate that can also enhance their public image in return.  
  
In conclusion, although I recognize that making money is fundamental principle of business, I would argue that they should also profoundly reflect upon their responsibilities for community.
Lê, this is not a comparison essay for discussion. This is a single opinion essay presentation. While your opening paraphrase delivered the proper thesis statement at the end, your body of paragraphs did not appropriately discuss the given instruction. For this sort of essay, you are expected to use the 3 body paragraphs in delivering reasons that will support the idea that your opinion regarding the topic is the correct one. Remember the prompt asked "Do you agree or not?" It did not ask you to "Discuss both opinions and give your point of view." As such, while you had the opportunity to score well in the TA section, you blew it and will get a failing score instead because what your thesis statement was, and your actual discussion, which ran counter to your opinion in the thesis statement, were two different things. As such, the examiner will have no choice but to give you a failing score in the essay based upon the improper discussion you provided in the body paragraphs which, by the way, is missing one paragraph in order to consider this essay completed Task 2 essay as only the Task 1 essay may present 4 paragraphs in its presentation. In addition to that do not say "controversy" where it is not implied in the prompt. The appropriate term to always use, regardless of the prompt is "discussion" and any variation thereof. There is never a debate nor a controversy being presented in these essays so do not exaggerate the presentations. Be truthful and as close the original prompt in your paraphrase as possible for TA scoring considerations.
Q: *Things like puzzles, board games and pictures can contribute to a child's development. What would you give a child to help him/her develop and why? Give details and examples in your explanation.*  
  
## the most suitable toys for kids

  
  
A: During children's development process, they are given a wealth of toys to play with from their parents. Among those toys, I strongly believe that the most effective ones to foster children's growth both mentally and physically are a ball and a picture puzzle.  
  
The first item which proves to be cost-effective for the parents and multifunctional for the kids is a ball. Regardless of the gender difference and the age gap, both boys and girls can gain substantial benefits from this simple toy. Firstly, the kids will be inspired to leave their electrical devices, such as the addictive iPad, aside and become more engaged in physical activities such as running and catching the ball. On top of that, an added benefit of playing with a ball is teamwork because sometimes, it requires a team of 4 to 5 kids cooperating with each other to win the opposite team.  
  
Another educational toy that parents should take into consideration when buying toys for their kids is a puzzle. The original idea of this toy is quite simple - connecting all the small, separate pieces to make a complete picture. However, in order to accomplish this not-so-simple task, the children are forced to use their mental ability at a very young age to distinguish the differences between the pieces, making them more capable of problem-solving in the future. Besides, solving a picture puzzle is proven to be a great activity for a family gathering to strengthen the relationship bonds of all family members.  
  
In conclusion, besides a ball and a picture puzzle mentioned above, it is the parents' decision to choose the most suitable toys for their beloved children with the hope of entertaining and educating them at the same time.
Lê, is this a direct response essay for the IELTS test? Please remember to indicate the type of test that you are preparing for along with the essay that you will be posting so that the appropriate review may be done for your work. At this point, I will guess that this is a direct question topic for the IELTS test based on the type of question presentation you attached. I can say that you chose to discuss appropriate topics with regards to the question but you could have done better work on the explanation development.  
  
For example, with regards to the ball, you immediately assumed that the child will be interested in playing with the ball even though he has a gadget in hand. A more believable explanation for this would have been if you had included the manner by which a child can be enticed to play with the ball and also, how the parent can help keep the interest of the child on the game played with the ball because most kids these days have short attention spans and will most likely go back to the gadget shortly after throwing the ball to his potential playmate or parent.  
  
Now, as for the puzzle game, considering that tablets come with all the preloaded puzzle games that the child might be interested in, and it will be simpler to play on the gadget, you again, need to convince the parents that there is a potential benefit to having the child put down the gadget so he can play with the real thing instead of the virtual version. How exactly do you plan on getting the child interested in something that has a virtual counterpart?  
  
I am worried about your presentation though since it is less than 5 paragraphs. I feel that there is a potential for you to not have fully realized the value of the discussion within the allowed paragraph number so as to increase your scoring potential. if I had any idea as to what kind of English test you are preparing for, I might have been able to help you with that aspect of your essay development as well.
My name is Giang, check this this essay for me, I am studying for Ielts exam.  
  
## plans in town's development

  
  
The maps represents the differences betweek Islip town centre now and as it is planned to develop.  
Significant changes can be seen from the maps, there will be commercial, housing and transportation improvements. There will also a dual carriage way to be appeared in future  
  
In the first map, there is a large space spent for houses, which is the central part and the north-end of the town. There is a school located to the West of the town. Next to houses on the left situated a large park. To the north of the park of the park are the shops on both side of the main road, above which is the countryside  
  
In the proposal, a dual carriage way will appear, surrounding all commercial buildings and houses to be constructed. The countryside will disappear to make room for bus station, shopping center, car park and new houses. The main road will become a pedestrian road. The shops to the south of the road will still remain, below which was a park becoming smaller in size to make room for new houses. The school will still exist but be expanded