dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**INTRODUCTION**  
  
Overall, you gave such a brief introduction that addressed the task response by writing general statement, paraphrasing the question, and showing your personal view as asked. However, the way you structured your sentences is a matter since your paragraph is a little bit hard to comprehend. Hence, i give you the alternative on how you better compose your introduction without trying to alter your own ideas.  
  
*Human will be always live and communicate with others. Thus, good attitude is a must to be practiced by everybody to show that they need each other. Many people argue that children have to study about this, proper manner and behavior in order to be a socially accepted person, in school, where some thinks that parents are the perfect one to teach it since they give more influence to their children. However, this is depend on people's way of think while I believe that parents are should mainly responsible to morally educate their children well.*  
  
**BODY PARAGRAPH**  
  
BODY 1=  
  
parents can easily gave an advice to children whenever they want.  
*this is your main idea. according to your introduction you should explain why parents is the better party to teach about attitude to their children. yes, you gave relevant example but weak and inappropriate, you should emphasize how the lesson you got since child help you integrate well with society and why it is better than the lesson you got from the school*  
  
BODY 2:  
Focus on explaining that although students get many knowledge relating to proper social values, parents are still the best who can teach them well.  
  
**CONCLUSION:***overall this is good, brief and effective. However, you should mention what sort of studies children get from both and school*
**Writing Task I (November 1, 2016)**  
  
The table provides an information of the result of two questionnaires about common communication skills were the employees usually used in their jobs in 1997 and 2006. The forms of questionnaires were has given are divided into two items that consist of the external communication skills item and the internal communication skills item by percentage. Overall, the results have shown that the external communication had been essential skills which were often used by an employee rather than the internal communication skills, and a skill of dealing with people had been the highest skill usage in external communication skills rather than others competencies of communication.  
  
Based on the table data, the dealing with people skill had slightly increased by 5 % in 2006 since in 1997 and had become the highest  
percentage of communication skill usage by the employee rather than other competencies in external and internal communication in the workplace. On the other hand, the listening carefully to colleagues had been the second higher communication skill usage by the employee in the workplace and also had increased by 5 % in 2006 with 47 % before started at 38 % in 1997.  
  
However, based on the data information, the employees argue that the selling a product or service are not too important used and had been the lowest competency skill usage after had decreased by 3 % in 2006 with only 21 % of external communication type usage. While the employees argue that making speech or presentation skills in internal communication competencies is not too worried and had been the lowest percentage of all competencies communication skills with only 11 % in 2006 after increased by 4 % since in 1997.  
  
(287 words)  
  
*
Hello indah! I will give you some opinions about your essay.  
  
(1) ... common communication skills ~~were~~**which** the employees usually ...  
(2) The forms of questionnaires ~~were~~**which** has given**,** are divided into two ~~items~~**parts** that consist of the external communication skills ~~item~~ and the internal communication skills ~~item~~**which are measured** by percentage.  
  
(3) Overall, the results ~~have shown~~**show** that the external communication ...  
(4) ... ~~and~~**In addition,** a skill of dealing with people ~~had been~~**was** the highest skill ~~usage~~ in external communication ...  
(5) had ~~become~~**became** the highest percentage of communication skill ~~usage~~ by the employee rather ...  
(6) On the other hand, the **percentage of** listening carefully to colleagues ~~had been~~**was** the second higher (...) increased by 5 % ~~in 2006 with 47 % before started at 38 % in 1997.~~**from 38% in 1997 to 47% in 2006**  
  
(7) (...) selling a product or service ~~are~~**was** not too important ~~used~~**skill** and had ~~been~~ the lowest competency skill ~~usage~~ after ~~had decreased~~**decreasing** by 3 % in 2006
**The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Nowadays, technologies are developing in the world especially electronic media such as hand phone. All of people are using hand phone to help them easier to do some activities. Some people argue that using electronic media has negative impacts on relationship between societies. Personally, I tend to agree because communication media does not only give negative impact for user but it has several benefits for people who use it.  
  
All of people especially young adults are using hand phone for communication with other people such as families, friends and other people. There are several negative impacts using hand phone. For the first is society demanding to build communication in one forum. For an instance, someone who have dinner with oldest friends, and in the moment, they are just playing gadget while they waiting errand. As a results, they do not have many conversations in the meeting and just fill obligation. The second negative impact is electronic media can cause disagreements between people. For example, teenager who have problem with friend in the school and after that, she write status in the Facebook but her status not directed for her friend. As a results, the problem between them bigger than before. The last is people will be race with other society about who have the good electronic media. For instance, teenagers who see their friend have a new hand phone, so it can make them to buy hand phone with a sophisticated version. In directly, It makes them reside compete.  
  
On the other hand, there are several benefits if we are using electronic media. For the first, tool of communication with other people who have long distance with us. For instance, teenager who study in abroad foreign, they cannot back to home every day, so they use hand phone to give information with families. The second positive effect is people can get and share fast information from others. For instance, student who have assignment from his teacher, he can extend to all of his friends this assignment in the group social media such as Facebook group and messenger group.  
  
All in all, drawbacks outweigh the advantages. In my opinion, personal relationship between people has come withering away since their using electronic media, but for society who can manage the portion time to meet with people or to using hand phone , they can get positive impact from electronic media.
Hello Willy!  
Allow me to give you some suggestion.  
  
... media such as hand phone *(such as mobile phone and computers)*  
  
\*For an instance, someone who ~~have~~ has dinner with oldest friends, and ~~in~~ at the moment,...  
\*... who have problem with their friend in the school and ...  
\*As a results, the problem between them bigger than before **(You should put more explanation about the effect of this problem to their personal relationship)**  
  
~~For the first~~ Firstly, tool of communication with other people ...  
  
**In the body paragraph 2 you should say more about positive impact electronic media in personal relationships between people, not in general way.**  
  
Break a leg Willy :)
Hello willy! I will give you some opinions about your essay.  
  
(1) Nowadays, technologies are ***becoming more developed***~~developing~~ in the world especially electronic media**,** such as hand phone.  
(2) ~~All of~~**Most** people are using hand ...  
(3) Personally, I tend to agree because communication media does not only ...  
*... because despite its benefits for people, electronic media can give negative impact for the user*  
(4) ~~All of~~**Most** people**,** especially young adults**,** are using hand ...  
(5) ... negative impacts **by** using hand phone.  
(6) For the first is society ~~demanding~~**demands** to build communication ...  
(7) ... while they waiting ~~errand~~**an order**.  
(8) ... problem between them **is getting** bigger than before.  
(9) The last is people will ~~be race~~**compete** with other society ...  
(10) For the first, **as a** tool ~~of~~**for** communication with other ...
**The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
In the past, people who want to get communication each other should make an appointment to meet up in a place but now we do not longer need it since innovation of electronic media increase by time. Only by using a computer or a phone, in seconds we connect to other people. Some people argue we should not use electronic media since it has a negative effect on people personal relationship. I tend to disagree with this statement due to electronic media has positive effect outweigh than the negative effect.  
  
Nowadays, electronic media become a common thing for people. Everyone has it. Sadly, most of them do not use it properly as the effect many negative things affect to them. For instance, using social media. Mostly, people use their electronic media to active in social media but the sadness is sometimes they post something without thinking it first. There is no problem if it is not related to other people but when it comes to others personal problem it will affect to our personal relationship with people.  
  
However, electronic media has stronger good impact than it badness. For instance, it can helpful for people who need to get communication regularly. By using electronic media, they do not need meet each other, only by using mobile phone or computer they can get communication. We can use it to make lots of friend on social networking as well. On the internet, there are so many people browsing at the same time around the world by some feature like social media or chatting application, it is so easy to make friends.  
  
All in all, electronic media not only has a negative effect, more of that it has more positive impact such as connecting to relatives regularly and make a plenty of friends on social media.
**HELLO AINI :)  
LET ME GIVE YOU MY SUGGESTIONS :)**  
  
... not longer need it since **THE** innovation of ...  
  
However, electronic media has **THE** stronger good impact ...  
... they do not need **TO** meet each other, only by using **THE** mobile phone or ł  
  
**I THINK YOUR ESSAY IS GOOD ENOUGH ONLY MISSING SOME ARTICLE USAGE :) GOOD LUCK :)**
Air travel is the latest transportation that is available to go anywhere in this world with the shortest time to spent. I totally disagree that banning air travel is the only strategy to stop air pollution.  
  
The development of air travel is the highest number comparing to the other type of travel. Many people use air travel more often than before which can create a huge amount of emission and lead to air pollution. The air travel also has a big influence in making unbalance habitat for some animals especially birds.  
  
However, air travel is one leading type of transportation that can give many advantages for human. Firstly, air travel can save a lot of time for people to move from some part of the world to the other side of the world in short of time. With this advantage, many activities can be done easily and faster. Secondly, with the use of air travel, the aid distributions for some people in conflict or disaster area become more efficient and quick. Thirdly, air travel can make a huge impact for some people in a remote area to go out from their region. The last, restricting air travel in order to prevent pollution is not a good method because the contribution of other transportations such as car and motorcycle also gives a lot of emission to the atmosphere.  
  
To sum up, I believed that restricting air travel is not the best solution in preventing air pollution. There are many advantages from the use of air travel rather than the drawbacks. Many ways in reducing air pollution such as minimize the use of private transportation and planting more trees are the greatest solutions rather than restricting air travel.
... that is available *for everyone* to go anywhere in (...) shortest time to ~~spent~~*spend*.  
  
... comparing to the other type**s** of travel**s**.  
  
... move from some part**s** of the world to ...  
... conflict or disaster area**s** become more efficient and quick**er**.  
... a huge impact ~~for~~*on* some people in ...  
... contribution of other transportation~~s~~ such as ...  
  
To sum up, I believe~~d~~ that restricting air ...
Hi misskitty22..  
  
... shortest time to spend .  
  
(in your second paragraph or body 1, if you want to use one idea paragraph you have to make a clear pattern such as main idea, explanation, example and result  
  
( In body 2, you have to add more explaination to your main idea)  
  
To sum up, I believe~~d~~ that restricting air ...  
  
Good Job..
Aloha, here are my thoughts for you;  
  
(1)I think your introduction is jumping idea because I cannot find the correlation between the first sentence and the second one. Therefore, you'd better change or add connector to make it clear. Here is my sample introduction;**Air travel is the latest transportation that is the most popular nowadays. Although some people argue that air travel should be banned to tackle air pollution effect, I tend to disagree with this idea.**  
  
(2) **in paragraph two, you'd better explain why you disagree with the former idea. Then, give the strong reason, appropriate example, and conclusion of this idea. I believe in you, your essay will be better than before.**  
  
(3) **your conclusion is too general and unreadable. Conclusion should explain clearly something in the body paragraph. Thus, if readers read your conclusion, they will be understand all of your essay even without reading it.**
Hi Misskitty, interesting name anyway, I want you obtain some suggestions from me  
  
here we go  
  
... comparing to the other types of travelling .  
... making unbalance habitat for ~~some~~ animals especially birds.  
  
However, air travel is one of leading types of transportation that ...  
... lot of time for people ~~to move~~moving from some part (...) the other side ~~of the world~~ in short ~~of~~ time.  
... make a huge of impact for some people in ~~a~~the remote area ...  
  
Many ways ~~in~~for reducing air pollution such ...  
  
note: keep writing and go ahead
Hello misskitty22. i want to give some suggestions.  
actually, your essay is pretty good. you used a good idea. but i think your essay has to build with more explanation in your body of paragraph.  
  
... contribution of other transportation~~s~~ such as car and ...  
put comma before conjunction " such as"  
  
... disaster area become more efficient and quicker  
the comparison. if the word that read by one syllable you can add -er in the end or word---> quicker  
  
good luck. i hope it will be useful
A full-spotty break out, known as the acne, happens when the bacteria adheres to our face. The researcher from the University of California, San Diego, Richard Gallo and his colleagues have discovered a harmless bacterium living on the surface of people skin can turn into acne, triggering inflammation and zits.  
  
The acne bacterial, *Propionibacterium acnes*, living in the airless environment turns into fatty acids that activate inflammation in nearby skin cells and deactivate histone deacetylases, enzyme that act as a brake on inflammation. Scrubbing our face will make the bacteria clump together form new structure called biofilms making the bacteria going deeper.  
  
According to Gallo, people who seem more prone to acne have suffocating hair follicles. Teenagers, according to Bruggemann, are most defenceless against outbreak because of their sex hormone driving the production of extra sebum in the skin during puberty.  
  
Gallo wants to inhibit the fatty acid and block their impact on skin. In two to five years Gallo will do further works to find new mediations for these problem.
***The diagrams below shows the life cycle of silkworm and the stage of the production of silk cloths. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.***  
  
The diagram illustrates the life cycle of silkworm and the manufacture of silk cloths. Overall, there are four natural phases of the life cycle of silkworm starting from the moth's egg and ending with a cocoon while the silk cloths have five linear man-made stages beginning with the cocoon being processed and finishing with weaving.  
  
According to cyclical chart, the life of silkworm is started with the moth producing the moth's egg and after that the egg will be brood for ten days. With around 6 weeks of consuming mulberry, it would become larvae then silk thread used to cover its body is produced by larvae needing 3-8 days. The fourth phase happened when the full body of the larva has been covered by the silk thread and in this phase the larva becomes a cocoon for 16 days before it starts to be a moth.  
  
Meanwhile the production of silk cloths is initiated by selecting the good cocoon that will be used. After that, the cocoon is boiled in the water in the proper heat. The third process is the thread should be unwind and stretched for 300-900 meters. Then, the twist process is started with the dry thread that is given the dye. Turning to the final stage, the colorful thread is ready to be woven.  
  
*
***Hello, Kiki :)  
Let's discuss your grammar :)  
Here are some of my opinions :)***  
  
... the moth's egg and **after that *(put comma)*** the egg will ...  
  
**Meanwhile (put comma)** the production of silk ...  
... is the thread should **be unwind (be unwound)** and stretched ...  
Then, the **~~twist~~ (twisting)** process is started with ...  
  
**KEEP PRACTICE :) GOOD lUCK :)**
***The diagrams below shows the life cycle of silkworm and the stage of the production of silk cloths  
summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.***  
  
The pictures show the life cycle phases of silkworm as well as the various stages of making silk worm. As it present in pictures, there are five processes in the life cycle of silkworm, from the egg to moth. Then the steps of producing worm to silkworm are five that begin with selecting and ending with weaving.  
  
Initially, the egg is laid by their mother in the leaf for about 10 days until it transform into larva. The silkworm larva survives by consuming mulberry leaf. It takes 4 to 6 weeks from larva to be silk thread and 3 to eight days until it totally transform into a cocoon. The time taken form larva until it becomes moth is quite longer, it is about sixty days.  
  
As it observed in the second picture, cocoons are needed to produce silkworms. It is started with selecting the cocoons then coiling the cocoon. After the cocoons boiled, it is need to unwind the shells for about 30-900 m. Next, shells are twisted then move to dyeing process. The last, the shells are weaved and the dyeing process is needed again in order to make get wet the silk material.  
  
*
**Hello, Miss Chacaa :)  
Let me give you some corrections about your grammar :)**  
  
... in the life cycle of silkworm **(missing article "the")** , from the egg to moth.  
  
... for about 10 days until it transform +S(incorrect Verb from personal pronoun) into larva.  
... days until it totally transform+S into a cocoon. The time taken ~~form~~(did you mean "from"?) larva until it becomes ...  
  
After the cocoons boiled, it ~~is need~~**needs** to unwind the shells ...  
  
**Keep Practice :) Good Luck ^\_^**
Hello! I will give you some opinions about your essay.  
  
(1) Then **there are five**~~the~~ steps ~~of~~**in** producing worm to silkworm ~~are five~~ that begin with ...  
(2) Initially, the egg is laid by ~~their mother~~**a moth** in the leaf (...) it transform**s** into larva.  
(3) ... silk thread and **takes** 3 to eight days until it ~~totally~~ transform **totally** into a cocoon.  
(4) As it **is** observed in the second ...  
*The cocoon is the main raw material to produce silkworms*  
(5) It is started ~~with~~**by** selecting the cocoons ...
Over the past century, the average of lifespan has more than doubled. In contrast, another statistic shows the comparison of the childhood death rate in 1960 and 2004. In 1960, 110 million children were born and 20 million of those died before the age five. Meanwhile in 2004, 135 million children were born and less than 10 million of them also died before they reach 5 year old. The causes of these death, mostly, are Diarrhoea, Pneumonia and Malaria.  
  
Over 200 million people are suffering from Malaria, the disease caused by mosquitos, at any one time. To get rid of this disease involves many things. It involves communicators, social scientists, drug companies and rich-world governments so that we will be able to eradicate malaria. Having those elements is hard, there are another way to eradicate the diseases. Educating teacher with a good education and improve teacher some skills and these two things can make differences for millions of lives, if people get it right.  
  
In brief, taking brilliant people to study these things and getting other people involved, the solutions will come up.
Hello i have some suggestion for you  
  
1) INRODUCTION : Where is your introduction? You just mention this :  
  
Over the past century, the average of lifespan has more than doubled. In contrast, another statistic shows ...  
... before they reach ~~5 year~~**5 years** old.  
... mostly, ~~are~~**were**~~Diarrhoea~~**Diarrhea** , Pneumonia and Malaria.  
  
You must explain what kind of problem that you will explain on your essay. People will be confused when reading your essay because you directly start with average live span, and followed by some data. People actually will ask , what your explanation refer to ? What the topic of your essay???  
  
2) 5 years old ---> plural, more than one  
  
3) typo ---> Diarrhea  
  
4) were not are ---> past time
Hello inda18.  
actually, your essay has interesting topic. but let me give you some suggestions:  
  
1. don't forget put comma when you use conjunction  
e.g.: *Meanwhile,* in 2004, 135 million children ...  
e.g.: It involves (...) drug companies*, and* rich-world governments*, so* that we will ...  
  
2. to write a range of years you can use some examples (between.......and........./ from......to........./ in .......until.......)  
e.g.:In contrast, (...) of the childhood death rate *between* 1960 *and* 2004  
  
3. ... died before they reach 5 year old  
in writing the age you can use these forms:  
[the age of .....]  
[aged..............]  
  
e.g.: ... died before they aged five year old  
i hope it will be useful. good luck.