dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Phan, the essay is asking you to discuss the effects of laziness on your life, not the life of other people. Therefore the response that you wrote is incorrect. You wrote about a general observation regarding laziness instead of how laziness affects your own life. The approach to the essay should be as follows:  
  
*Everyone tends to be lazy some days, most days, or everyday. I am one of those people who tends to be lazy most of the day. While I realize that laziness prevents me from having a productive day, I still find that I cannot bring myself to accomplish necessary tasks and chores. Which leads to some very negative effects in my life.  
  
Take for example, when I wake up in the morning, I lie in bed an additional half an hour. Even though my alarm clock keeps ringing, I keep on hitting the snooze button an extra ten minutes. The result, is a rushed start to the day. I end up late for school, late for my extra curricular activities, and late getting home.*  
  
What I wrote is an example of how you can start an essay with this topic. The focus of the essay should clearly be on you by indicating times when laziness has had a negative effect on your life directly. It should not refer to other people because the essay asks about the effect on you. So the pronouns, "Me, my, myself, I" will be in play for this essay.
@Holt: thank you for your help.  
  
I have rewritten a new one. Please help me check.  
  
*To be honest, I am quite lazy. My ideal day is a day having nothing to do. Although I realize that laziness prevents me from productive working, I cannot get out of this situation. Laziness really leads to some negative effects in my life.  
  
Every morning, despite the clock ringing, I begin a new day by lying in bed for an additional several dozen minutes instead of getting up to exercise. So, I often have breakfast in a hurry and then go to work late.  
  
At work, I never start my job until the day before the deadline because I think I have a lot of time. Hence, my boss often complains that my working schedules are always late. One time, he was so angry because I only focus on facebook but forgot my responsibility.  
  
Especially, I am afraid of doing housework. Just thinking of washing dishes, cleaning floor also makes me feel very tired. I prefer surfing the internet on smartphone or watching TV.  
  
Now, I am striving to change my old routines in an attempt to be more active. At first, I try to go to bed early so I will not find it is difficult to get up in the morning. At the office, I make a check list of tasks with deadline I must finish and restrict myself to use Facebook. I ask my colleagues to remind me frequently. I also help my family to do chores. I believe my situation will be improved if I try my best.*
write about the following topic:  
  
**"Every year several languages die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion"**  
  
## protecting the variety of languages

  
  
Regarding the phenomenon that several languages die out in the past few years, some people consider life may become easy to handle. But for me, the disadvantages of death of several languages far overweight its advantages.  
  
Obviously, languages come to resemble as a result of the steady progress of globalization, and language convergence benefit us a lot in many levels. At personal level, people does not need to master multiple languages any more, consequently easing their burden in time and money, which could be utilized to do something meaningful. In addition, at national level, keeping contact with other countries in economy and culture is increasingly easy, thus our country can give GDP a boost, and even increase the influence toward the international.  
  
In my opinion, we need to put more emphasis on the extinction of some languages, playing an essential role in the development of human society. Firstly, there are popular literatures and drama, expressed in their specific language, whose implication cannot be expressed concisely by other language. Secondly, language has been beyond its definition, existing as one kind of cultural heritage for many years as well as the cumulation of life experience, which could not be replaced by other languages. Last but not the least, all people deeply love their language, and psychological trauma caused by the death of language is beyond our imagination.  
  
In conclusion, every one counts in learning and protecting multiple languages, which can produce a far-reaching impact on us and our offspring.
Shirley, in the opening statement, you are requested to kindly paraphrase the original discussion topic and instructions from the original prompt. That serves as the part of the essay that proves your English comprehension skills. What you did in your essay was, you began an immediate, but unrelated discussion of the topic and instructions provided. What you wrote was a disadvantage/ disadvantage essay. You were being asked to write a single opinion essay based upon a degree of agreement / disagreement on the topic opinion presented. The correct format for the opening statement of this essay is:  
  
*As several languages become extinct over the passing years, there are some people who believe that the importance of these dead languages are of no importance. That is because with fewer languages in the world, life should become simpler. In this essay, I will discuss the degree of my disagreement with this statement based on several considerations.*  
  
Compare the way that I wrote the opening statement for your essay prompt against yours. Notice how key elements of the original essay are represented in my version which makes it totally different from yours? Those information are what created a more appropriate paraphrasing of the original prompt.  
  
That unintentional mistake that you made in the paraphrasing was enough to change the whole slant of the essay. Causing you to discuss a totally unrelated topic from the original prompt requirements. Such an error in understanding the task requirements was costly for this essay. It forced me to score you a 1 because your answer is completely unrelated to the task originally assigned to you.
Shirely, your essay shows that you did not spare at least 1 minute to understand what was required of you in the prompt. This understanding usually will help you to do a proper paraphrase which, in turn, would form the basis of the entire write-up. It is better, especially in the real test, to spend more or less a minute to understand the gist of the prompt before drafting your thought than hastily delving into the essay without having an understanding of what you were meant to do. At some point in your essay, you sounded as though you were trying to personify 'language'. The fact that you missed the track of the requirement of the essay from the very beginning is a costly error you must strive to deal with if you hope for a good score in the real test. Also, avoid the use of vocabularies that could create ambiguity in your write-up, especially those you are not quite familiar with. By the way, I must say that had you got a perfect understanding of the requirements of the prompt, based upon your level of sentence construction, you would have put up a good essay. I suggest that you engage in more practices while committing to mind all the guides availed to you herewith.
**Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools.  
  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.**  
  
## students division by sex

  
  
It has been long discussed whether boys and girls get more benefit at mixed schools or single-gender schools. Some people believe separate schools provide boys or girls more focused resources towards children's education. However, in my point of view, I believe boys or girls who attend mixed schools can absorb much more than going to a separate schools.  
  
First of all, mixed schools have more opportunities for boys and girls to learn how to cooperate with different gender especially on some subjects. Take music class for instance, boys and girls have different tones that were born in natural. A wonderful concert presentation should be combined with both male and female's tones and voices. Besides, on average, boys present better than girls on some subjects like math and science, and girls get higher scores on language and arts. Therefore, in a mixed school, male students can help female students to improve on their study, and female students can also teach male students on those subjects that they are good at.  
  
In addition, school life is a pre-learning place before students graduate and start their working career. People learn how to interact with different gender individuals at a mixed school. Take one of my colleagues as an example, his parents believed a separate school could help him focus on schoolwork so he was sent to separate schools for study until he went to university. However, he found out he didn't know how to talk to girls due to he didn't have any female classmates in the past 10 years.  
  
To sum up, I believe mixed schools can bring more benefits to children's development not only during their life in school but also in their future career.
Jo-an, you did a very good job at summarizing the topic and outline it for discussion. There is only one small mistake in the opening paragraph of your essay. That is, you were not supposed to present your opinion in the last line of the paragraph. That is because you have to expand upon your personal opinion in the discussion within 3-5 sentences. Since the opening discussion is only meant to outline the discussion topics, your last sentence should have merely indicated the opinion discussion instructed in the original prompt. For example, you could have said it in the following manner:  
  
*In this essay, I will be discussing the two points of view related to the topic. I will also be presenting my point of view regarding which method of education I feel is best suited for boys and girls.*  
  
Now, when you discuss the essay, Make it clear that your essay represents the point of view you will be discussing in the topic sentence at the start. You can say something like, *"In consideration of exclusive school education for boys and girls..."*and then for the next topic paragraph, start out with; *"With regards to co-educational schools..."* That way, in the opinion paragraph can state; *"Based on these two opinions, I believe that..."* This paragraph presentation makes the discussion clearer to the reader and makes it easier to follow.  
  
Under absolutely no circumstances are you to use your personal opinion as a closing paragraph. This will result in a score down for you because you were not able to properly discuss the essay in the instructed manner. Always remember that the task 2 essay needs 5 paragraphs composed of:  
  
1. Opening statement  
2. Body paragraph 1  
3. Body paragraph 2  
4. Additional instructions discussion (personal opinion or point of view)  
5. Closing statement  
  
Never deviate from this format. This is how the essay must always be discussed regardless of the instructions. All these parts need to be represented in the essay. Also. make sure that all of your sentences are completely thought out and well presented in the essay. The following sentence does not make sense  
  
*Take music class for instance, boys and girls have different tones that were born in natural.*  
  
The reader cannot make sense of what you mean by "born in natural". Make sure that you always get your complete thought across. This is a confusing sentence.
Please give me score if you can  
The prompt says: **Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children).**  
  
## incentives methods to community contribution

  
  
Nowadays, contribution to society plays an essential role in our life. It is suggested that a diversity people hold the view that unpaid community works ought to be an integral part of high school curriculum. From my point of view, I completely agree with invigorating charitable services  
  
By engaging in these social activities, life skills will be built up from such a young age, students will have more opportunities to improve their communication skills by contacting with others from distinguishing culture, distinct locations, also teamwork skills. Rather than allocating time to digital equipment such as smart phones, television, gaming consoles, ... adolescent obtain how to manage their schedule, gain their organizational expertise. These skills learned by doing non-profits services are more likely valuable experiences either their career path or tertiary education.  
  
This is widely accepted notion that if people participate in the philanthropic organization, they will appreciate their own life. It is endorsed that helping the poor or disabled people, not only they will know how to be empathetic, and possess compassion, but also they gain their respect towards works and money as it is not easy to earn and are more likely to spend it more practically  
  
In my opinion, it is plausible that unpaid community activities provide numerous benefits, by being an asset in CV or enhancing employability and training sympathy. Nevertheless, we should balance reasonably between time do those works and school lessons, avoiding messing up.  
  
In conclusion, I think It is a good idea. I hope this program will be put into action for high schools/ colleges shortly
Uyen, due to the fact that you did not provide the complete prompt instructions for this essay, I will be unable to give you an accurate total score for your writing. I need the full prompt instructions in order to decide upon the task accuracy portion of the essay. What I can do, is offer you a partial scoring based on the remaining 3 criteria. While it will not represent your overall score, you will know which problem areas you have in your essay.  
  
Cohesiveness and Cohesion - 4  
Lexical Resource - 3  
Grammar Range - 3  
  
While you did show that you understood the parts of the prompt that you posted here, you strongly showed a lack of control and understanding of how to use the English language to develop your response to the prompt. The overall essay was confusing, had punctuation errors such as commas followed by ellipses, and your flow of thought seemed to get derailed at times, making it confusing for the reader and difficult to determine what you are trying to say through your essay. Hopefully you will get better over your succeeding essays. I look forward to your practice tests. Note the problem points for now and try to improve upon them in the next essay.
Many childhood experiences leave lifelong impressions on people.Write an essay in which you describe a memorable childhood experience and explain its effect on your life.  
  
Personal essay: **Childhood experience which leave lifelong impressions**  
  
## wonderful experiences

  
  
My childhood gave me many interesting memorable experiences.It gives me happiness , when I recall all those activities which I used to do with my father.Although,the most prominent experience, which positively altered my life ,was accidentally waking up early with my father when I was merely twelve years old.  
  
Back in 1990,in one of the hot summer nights,I woke up with the noise of kitchen utensils.Actually, while all other family members were sleeping, as per his usual habit ,my dad was making tea for him at 4:00 am and accidentally he dropped a steel plate on the floor that made me awake.I get out of the bed to see my dad.He offered me the tea.I sat with him and enjoyed the tea ,as well as ,listening his funny jokes.Instead of going back to sleep,I finished my homework which I did not do last night.I really enjoyed spending time with dad and finishing my homework.Hence I requested dad to make tea for me every morning at the same time.  
  
I started coming out of bed early and then I started studying and spending time with my dad.I get immense pleasure out of it.The most deep impact it put on my studying habits.In school,I started showing up  
  
on time.My homework was up-to date everyday.Besides,I started doing some physical fitness exercises and yoga and meditation in my dad's company.This quality time ,spent every morning ,brought truly remarkable changes in my life later on too.  
  
My morning custom of early awakening helped me to become a topper in my college and university.Moreover,I become keen in personal fitness and spreading the awareness to all my friends and they all started taking interest in their physical well being.In the morning tranquility,I loved doing meditation that made me physically and mentally sound.Eventually ,I stood powerful in all ups and downs, that life brought to me.Even on the day of my dad's death,I emotionally supported my family a lot and everybody was surprised that how wisely I was supporting my family members.  
  
I express gratitude for my father who gave me this wonderful experience that turned out to be exceptionally helpful in making me the most successful person of the town.I preached it to others as well.I wish , everyone should learn to wake up early and I bet one's life will change for better.
Riti, please review your essay for punctuation mistakes. There are many instances when you use comma's rather than periods your writing. This results in difficulty for the reader when it comes to the reading of your paragraphs. When you do not properly space out your sentences with periods, the reviewer will have a difficult time reading your paper and understanding your presentation. You need to create more comprehensive statements that better relate to one another as well. The way that you present the discussion does not create a smooth presentation. It comes across as rough because some of your paragraphs are only 2 sentences long. When paragraphs are that short, it does not clearly deliver a meaning to the reader. Develop transition sentences at the end of the paragraphs in order to better move the reader from one paragraph topic to the next. Your topic is good, the presentation, somewhat interesting. If you apply the corrections I am suggesting, the essay should be better developed for final presentation.
Riti, another important step you should take in enhancing the readability of your essay is to introduce topic sentence in each paragraph. It would also help you to pen down your thought coordinately. Starting a paragraph with a topic sentence and then expanding the paragraph by elaborating the idea in the topic sentence would create coherence and make your write-up more interesting to the reader. It is important to note that whenever you conclude a sentence with a full stop, especially if you are drafting your essay with a computer, you must create a space after the period before the next word. Consider the excerpt below ''...not do last night.I really...'' ''...with dad and finishing my homework.Hence I requested...''. You were supposed to create a space between the 'full stop' and 'I' as well as 'Hence'. Note that a transition sentence is one that more or less connect the idea in a paragraph with that of the immediate next paragraph. Having this understanding will help in improving your writing skills.
@Holt  
Thank you tons Mary Rose, for your valuable input. I have submitted here, only the draft of my essay, to get a general input.To improve my standardized grammar mistakes, I will start using the Grammarly. Additionally, after your feedback, I realized that I need to create a smooth flow inside a paragraph as well as between the transition of two paragraphs. I will surely start working on these points. I hope I can improve as I have two weeks to go. I will submit another essay after working on my weaknesses. Thank you again.
Baki, the essay you wrote does not accurately detail the American Dream that you are pursuing. This is simply an autobiography of your life up to this point. The "American Dream" as you aptly put it, must discuss your life after you arrived in the United States. How you settled in, what your dreams are for your future, what obstacles are in your path, and how you have managed to overcome these in order to get to this point in pursuit of the dream. That is the general idea behind writing an "American Dream" essay. However, since this is for a college application, you should make sure that your essay is responding to the prompt requirement in the most accurate way possible. Since you did not provide the instructions for writing the college application essay with your written work, it is impossible to determine if you are within the required parameters of the application essay. Unfortunately, contributors are limited to only one free advice, per essay, per thread. If you wish to continue receiving advice for this essay, please contact the forum admin in order to make this thread "Urgent". If you do not make this thread "Urgent" all subsequent postings from you in this thread will be deleted as it will be considered multiple threads.
**Some people think that children should be studying all the mandatory subjects until the age of ten, while others believe they should have an option to select favourite subjects to study. What is your opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your experience.**  
  
## subjects choice for children

  
  
Some people believe children before ten years old could choose the subjects what they are interested because it's the best to learn anything. However, in my perspective, children should learn mandatory subjects firstly and then they have more choices to select the favorite subjects in the future.  
  
Young children have great learning abilities to obtain knowledge quickly. Instead of spending time on what they are interested, they should focus on general subjects such as mathematics, language, science, history, and geography. Knowing how the world works is important to prepare them to communicate and cooperate with other people. For instance, a child just likes to study math but he abandons language course. Although he is extremely talented in math, he couldn't find a job because of lack of communication skills. If they don't study basic subject such as geography, they don't even know the geography their own country and even the whole picture of the world. How do they survive without basic knowledge?  
  
In majority children, they don't know their favorite subjects so learning mandatory subjects is great access to inspire the main stuffs they would like to develop.Nevertheless, if the children have passion on specific subjects, there are lots of methods to approach it. Firstly, they can take up after class time to study it. Secondly, joining some school's clubs is a way to extend their enthusiasm. Finally, consolidation on basic knowledge is beneficial for them to get more selection in the future.  
  
In summary, compared to select the favorite subjects, studying mandatory provide more opportunities for children when they are in the age they can choose.
Dear Karen, I don't think you should use any contractions in a formal essay such as the one you wrote above. Instead, actual words usage is encouraged. Write "do not" instead of "don't", "it is" instead of "it's". Also, I think you missed several prepositions and articles in some parts of your writing. A phrasal verb usage will do your essay some good instead of writing a single verb, for example, the sentence "they are interested" will look better if it is written as " they are interested **in**". Another crucial thing to point out is that you should not include any questions in your essay. You are answering a question, so when you add another one in it, then you have to give an answer or an explanation to what you wrote, and sometimes, this could lead to a complicated answer and possibly an out-of-topic writing. The last thing, avoid using too many "just" for it can make your essay looks less formal. Good luck.