dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Okay, you have a mistake in your prompt paraphrase. The discussion instruction is improperly presented. It is not the essay that will discuss the topic, the topic will be discussed by the writer based on a set of reasons, which will lead to the writer creating an opinion. So the last part of the paragraph should read like this:  
  
*Due to the varying ideas regarding this topic, it is important to consider the reasons behind the support that people give each idea. By presenting a discussion of these ideas, I will be be able to craft a personal opinion as the final word on this topic.*  
  
By the way, never say that a topic is debatable in a Task 2 essay. These are never debates. These are always discussions, comparisons, or opinions. There is never a fiery debate, a debatable topic, or an ongoing debate. Just word variations on the term "discussion". Examiners do not like the use of these exaggerated expressions as it removes the formal and academic discussion presentation of the given issue.  
  
The format of your essay is not really based on the expected discussion presentation. Your essay comes across as a solid personal opinion, without considering the discussion as required by the prompt. The required discussion uses first, second, and third person pronouns or group / plural reference words for the 2 discussion ideas and then your personal opinion, uses first person pronouns in the presentation. That is because the essay needs to clearly point out the positions being discussed and whose side it being presented. It helps create the coherence and clarity in the discussion because this is your opportunity to use transition sentences in the proper manner at the end of each paragraph discussion.  
  
Your lack of ownership words plus the singular opinion approach will be the reasons why this essay will not be able to achieve a passing score. Your reference topic sentences should be similar to:  
  
Par. 2: Considering the people who think that... **Their** opinion is based on... That is why *they* use the example of...  
Par. 3: Basing the idea of... on the belief of **groups** that... **They** have convinced **themselves** that...  
Par. 4: Owing to these explanations, **I** have become enlightened about the topic. Using **myself** as an example... **My** experience therefore supports...  
  
Plural and singular pronouns need to be used to show your GRA range. I have highlighted the pronouns used that will add to the score for that section. I have shown you the expected discussion format as well. While you did use various pronouns in your presentation, you have to understand that the IELTS is written in a specific method and as such, have an expected discussion format that the examiner looks for. Remember, the comparison essays with a personal opinion will always need 5 paragraphs and require the use of correct pronouns in the topic sentences located at the start of the paragraphs.
## Used electric piano

  
  
A second-hand thing which I own is an electric piano. Actually, its first owner is a pianist and he used to play the piano but now he doesn't. I bought it last month and he discounted gradually for me. Fortunately, I could afford it even though it is a second-hand electric piano, it was made by Kawaii, probably one of the most trustable piano manufacture. The electric piano is just absolutely convenient for me because I can plug in my headphones without bothering anyone. Furthermore, it does sound beautiful and as hearing as a grand piano although the touch is not quite emotional at all. Overall, I love my piano and happily, I can afford it myself without lending my parent's money. On these quarantine days, I will try my best to practice my favourite song.  
  
- I'm practising for my speaking/writing skill for the ielts essay, please help me!
@tandlvn2003  
  
I think you need more practice on grammar and vocabulary. Regarding style, if you are preparing for speaking then this is OK but for writing, you should try to write more logically and use more formal language. There are some grammatical mistake in your paragraph:  
  
- "Used to" means something you did in the past and you no longer do it now so you don't have to say "but now he doesn't"  
  
- "Discounted gradually" is not accurate. I think it means the more you buy, the larger the discount. Use an English dictionary to check for word meaning and collocation  
  
"as hearing as"; "emotional" "lending" are not accurate in meaning too.  
- You have an adjective and adverb problem: sound beautifully; the touch is not quite.....(an adjective)
When you write descriptive essays, try to avoid the use of word fillers. For example, the word "Actually" does not really help create the sense of the statement. You could have a more concise presentation by starting with "Its first owner..." instead. Don't use words that would make it appear like you are not sure of what you are saying. Kawaii is one of the world's most well known first class piano manufacturers.  
  
Don't say "probably one". Just say "one", you have to give the reader a sense that you take pride in what you own. When you say "probably" that is somewhat indicating that you are not very proud of the item that you own.  
  
Again, avoid word fillers because it only adds to the word count but not the importance of the sentence discussion. "absolutely convenient" would have more of an impact on the reader if you said "convenient" alone. It conveys a sense of confidence in what you are writing.  
  
Am not sure what you mean by "not quite emotional". As a fellow pianist, I know that the emotion of the music comes from the way we approach the keys while playing. It comes from the tempo and harmony between the pedal and the keys. So that sentence lacks clarity and does not inform the reader in a clear manner.  
  
Avoid the use of conjunctions in your sentences. Remember, you have to get used to writing academically so spell it out at all times. Never use casual or slang English. It is never "doesn't" but rather, "does not".  
  
The seller did not gradually discount the piano for you. Perhaps he allowed you to buy it on installment? That means he allowed you to pay for the piano over a given period of time before he turned the item over to you. Kawaii is not a piano manufacture, the company is a piano manufacturer. By the way, you afforded the piano without borrowing money from your parents. To borrow money, in this instance, means to to borrow (money) with the intention of returning the same plus interest. Lending means to let out (money) for temporary use on condition of repayment with interest. Since you did not let out money to your parents and instead, they let out money to you, there was no lending on your part, only borrowing.  
  
Vocabulary usage in the proper context is important. Make sure you are using the word in the proper definition otherwise, you will have heavy points deductions during the actual test under the LR and GRA sections. Familiarize yourself with word meanings. Read a diction from A-Z and try to remember the meaning of the words so you can use it in the proper context. Watch more American or British shows, take note of unfamiliar words and look up the meaning. That way you will be able to build your roster of English vocabulary.
## assisting disadvantaged people

  
  
Some people think that the government should take care of disadvantaged people such as the unemployed and the homeless. Do you agree or disagree ?  
  
The income inequality among people has triggered several problems. The wealthy people can have high standards of living, while the poor is struggle to afford basic necessities. Some people suggest that government should provide assistance for underprivileged people such as the unemployed and the homeless. As far as concerned, I totally agree with this statement due to many benefits that these people can bring.  
  
Firstly, these people play an integral part in the workforce. If the government takes care of disadvantaged people, they will become employees and make profits for both themselves and the national economy. Needless to say, these people are potential sources of blue-collar workers, so utilizing these sources is a remarkable way to improve the productivity of corporations. For instance, Amazon decided to rent 100,000 unemployed workers in the midst of the financial crisis, prompting mitigation of job losses. Apparently, disadvantaged people are vitally important to the economies.  
  
Another advantage is that the stable lives of the poor are able to help the society remain robust. Several protests are held by the underprivileged people because their standards of living are adversely affected by the privileged people. Thus, providing the homeless and the unemployed with jobs to live by is the best way to maintain a ideal society. Relief bills, which usually signed amid crises , are a good example to demonstrate. They ease the tension of the disadvantaged people, helping the states to come through the crises. Thus, stabilizing every life is necessary for the development of the countries,  
  
In conclusion, assisting disadvantaged people should be done by government due to the fact that not only does it boost the economy but it also stabilizes the society.
This is not a measured response essay. So there is no need to "totally agree" with the given statement. you simply have to agree. Adiditonally, you are not providing an accurate paraphrase of the original discussion topic as you are including information not presented in the original prompt. Since you will be scored on the accuracy of your restatement, you could lose points for that. If you wanted to stay on point, a more accurate prompt rephrasing could have been:  
  
*A discussion regarding the care of out of work society members has been taking place. There is an opinion that the local authorities should not have to support the destitute members of society. I tend to not approve of such a line of thinking.*  
  
You have to recreate the presentation using only the provided information from the original prompt. That is because your restatement needs to be an accurate representation of the original.  
  
As for your discussion. You are not discussing the topic in the proper manner. The idea behind the topic is that the financially impaired people need to be supported by the government in terms of livelihood and residences. You are assuming that these people are working, which they are not. You misunderstood the topic which is why your discussion is not properly aligned with the prompt requirements. Your reasoning is out of place and irrelevant to the discussion.
## Writing task 1: ELECTRICITY GENERATION

  
  
*The diagram illustrates the process of making electricity from coal. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.*  
  
The diagram describes how coal is used to generate electricity for human activities.  
  
It is noticeable from the picture that there are several steps, including a closed cycle, in the producing of electricity. The process begins with grinding coal into powder and ends with transmitting electricity.  
  
At the first stage of generating electricity, the coal is moved to pulverizer in order to be crushed. In the subsequent stage, coal powder is transferred into a furnace where it is burnt to heat the water. The emission from coal combustion is released from smoke stack after treatment process in the precipitator.  
  
Simultaneously, the water turns into steam and this steam goes through a long pipe with the turbine at the end. Then, the turbine which is linked with generator is rotated by high pressure of steam. The electricity is transmitted to a substation and travels along the power lines. Once the steam has passed the turbine, it is condensed by low temperature in cooling towers. Afterwards, this water is supplied for the furnace mentioned in the previous step.  
  
(176 words)  
*Thanks for reading and please leave your thoughts*  
  
*
You are making an assumption in your summary overview that is not indicated in the diagram. The electricity is simply being produced. It is not being produced for human use. The electricity could be used for several types of activities so you should not be making any unsupported declarations in the report. You will be misinforming the reader. Stick with the provided data only.  
  
Since the images are also indicated by letter, this is one time that the use of parenthesis may be advisable. As you discuss the image. You can say that;  
  
*The first step in the process requires the grinding of coal ( image A). The second step, as indicated in drawing B is... Then the next procedure (illustration C) uses... As seen in graphic D, the steam is then...*  
  
Using the actual image letters will help you outline the process in an even clearer manner in the report. It adds to the authenticity of the report, assuming that the reader has a copy of the process diagram.  
  
Good work on the word count. It shows that you were focused on the clarity of your discussion rather than simply showing off your English vocabulary knowledge. You will score well because of the proper focus of your presentation. There were however, several grammar issues with your paper.  
  
Pulverizer - Should be spelled with an S based on UK English and that phrase needs to use the connecting word THE as well so that it will have a proper sentence structure.  
  
Smoke stack - (One word) smokestack  
  
The essay is good. It can use some work in terms of presentation to further boost the all too important LR and GRA scores. Better reference words would have also been useful but overall, I believe you have met all of the prompt requirements.
## Writing task 1: the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat

  
  
The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004.  
Answer:  
  
The line graph provides the amount of four different kinds of food used by people in a European nation from 1979 to 2004.  
Overall, it is clear that beef, lamb and fish decreased in consumption, while there was a fluctuating growth in the figure for chicken. In addition, fish was the least commonly food in the Europe throughout the period shown.  
  
At the start of period, the expenditure of beef was the highest value which over 200 grams. The amount of chicken and lamb was lower, by below 150 grams compares with exactly 150 grams, respectively. However, fish was the lowest product that eaten by roughly 60 grams per person per week.  
  
In the 1979-2004 period, the country used a significantly increase of chicken, approximately 250 grams. Whereas, only over 60 grams of lamb and 50 grams of fish were eaten in 2004. After many fluctuations, beef reached the highest point of the whole graph by above 240 grams in 1984, before dropping gradually to 100 grams at the final figure.  
  
*
This is a very well developed academic report that clearly understands its target audience. In an impressive 171 words, you managed to deliver an insightful and creative data presentation based on the given data. The problem is that the interesting data presentation has horrible GRA problems that could affect the final score. I guess I have to get into specifics so that I can better help you out.  
  
For starters, the food listing presented was not "used", it was consumed. To use means to put into action or service. To consume, which refers to food, means to eat or drink especially in great quantity. See the difference? Errors in word usage like this will not only harm you GRA in terms of sentence accuracy, but also your LR score because you misused the term in the sentence.  
  
There is a lacking verb in the following sentence:  
  
... fish was the least commonly food in the Europe throughout the period shown.  
  
Commonly what? Commonly eaten? Commonly enjoyed? The descriptive word which also acts as the verb needs to be indicated here.  
  
You should always use the connecting word "the" in sentences that require it such as; "At the start of THE period." Also, it is not "the expenditure of beef", expenditure is the wrong term. The proper term to use is "consumption". Your synonyms need to play on the word "consumer" in this essay.  
  
No present tense such as "compares" can be used in this essay due to the past time reference. "Compares" should be "compared" Why did you use the term respectively in this sentence? There was no comparison between two items in the same sentence that would have required that word such as "beef and were 120 and 250 grams, respectively."  
  
You do not "used a significantly increased chicken..." You "see an increase in chicken..."  
  
Your essay would have received at least a 5 overall for this presentation if the LR and GRA problems did not significantly decrease the scoring potential of your reporting essay.
*Topic:  
## Nowadays, artificial intelligence is being used to drive car.

  
**Why is this happening? Is it a positive or negative development?***  
  
Recently, automobile driven by artificial intelligence is becoming more and more popular. This is due to the need to cut cost of transportation industry. The progress should be viewed positively as it will make our life more convenient.  
  
Self-driving car appeared to satisfy the demand to reduce expense of transportation industry. Recent surveys showed that an average taxi service business spends 40% of their expense on driver wage and human resources management cost. Saving this cost to invest more in vehicle and customer services will result in higher income for the company and better experience for customers. This can be done by replacing the traditional vehicle by driverless car. By doing this, business will no longer need to hire drivers and manage them, thus, a lot of expense can be saved. For example, autonomous buses used to take workers to work are being tested in Texas, USA. They helped solve the problem of driver shortage and cut off labor expense effectively.  
  
Self-driving vehicle should be considered a good development as it makes human life more convenient. In order to travel by car, we have to spend time and money to learn driving skill or hire a driver and depend on him to take us to where we want to go. On the contrary, autonomous cars give people the freedom to travel anywhere anytime without acquiring driving skill. It is estimated that an average person in Vietnam spends at least 3 months and 2000 US dollar to learn how to drive. By owning a vehicle driven by artificial intelligence, we can save this cost to spend on other things.  
  
In conclusion, vehicle driven by artificial intelligence appeared as a result of the attempt to reduce labor related expense. As this invention help improve our living standards, we need to see it as a good development.  
  
*I would appreciate all your comments*
I am not sure but, it appears that there are 2 sets of researched information in your essay. Something that is not acceptable in the actual test which is supposed to be based on common knowledge and personal experience. The sets that appear researched are:  
  
- Recent surveys showed that an average taxi service business spends 40% of their expense on driver wage and human resources management cost  
- It is estimated that an average person in Vietnam spends at least 3 months and 2000 US dollar to learn how to drive  
  
These types of tests always score better when the writer is basing the discussion on points of personal reference and consideration. For example, instead of talking about surveys, you could have discussed how labour disputes that relate to public transport can be avoided since human drivers no longer need to be hired. You could also say something about how you want to learn how to drive but the cost is prohibitive so having AI in a public transport car like a taxi or Uber would be more cost effective for you. Examiners tend to score extra points to students who show a clear understanding of the topic by using themselves as actual examples in the paragraphs.  
  
Now, for some actual problems in your presentation. Learn the difference between UK and US English. Specifically, know how to spell the words differently. Labor in US English is labour in UK English. Also, try to be more creative in your sentence presentations. Don't use constantly used English expressions like "more and more". That is practically a memorized phrase in the eyes of the examiner. You could say "increasingly" or "more" without the repeated word instead. It offers a more formal presentation in the overall sentence.
@annahoang  
Thank you Anna. I can get your point. I myself feel a little bit irritating as I totally ignore the fact that people will lose job and it caused social problem in my essay. I wrote it totally from the perspective that benefit business. I considered putting safety in my answer but I didn't know how to make my ideas link together logically if I wrote this way. Anyway I cannot put all my point of view in a 300 words essay so I choose to develop only one side of the issue.
## financial assistance to artists

  
  
**Some people think that governments should be give financial support to creative artists such as painter and musician. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.**  
  
One of the problems of modern society is to provide financial assistance to artists in general, with conflicting views on how to tackle this tend. Some people consider one of the possible solution is to provide material aid from the state. While other think that artists should seek help from the private sector.  
  
Advocates of this believe that government should ensure painters and musician because an artist can seem like a quality of life through his creation. For this reason, it is beneficial for the state to provide financial aid to the artist. Government has a wider range of opportunities because it has access to a large part of the state's resources. For instance, government could provide free-of-charge exhibition or concert spaces for local budding artists to showcase their talent for public views. In addition, the government can make good money if paintings or sculptures of artists enter the world market.  
  
On the other hand, some people oppose the idea of government funding the artist's work, arguing that those resources could have been diverted away from improving public amenities like building roads. Thus, artists should seek multiple sources of funding such as through private companies, not-for-profit organizations or high net-worth individuals. For many years top brand companies have actively supported creative initiatives by artists. They sponsor exhibitions and performances, award prizes in the field of art, design and music. Private sector sponsorship can help ease pressure on government.  
  
In conclusion, I think that the government should provide financial assistance to artists at the beginning of their careers because painters and musician are artists and not businessmen.