dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## advices from parents should be respected

  
  
In fact, the obedience of children to their parents is usually applauded. However, should children always obey their parents' counsel? I find that "yes" can be the answer in just some situations.  
  
Firstly, the consultation of parents is always worth considering. Parents are grown-ups, who have lots of experiences in life and they usually know what is legal or illegal, ethical or unethical? Parents educate children with love. They give advices because they think that is the best choice for their daughters or sons. Thinking about these advices gives children an opportunity to reevaluate their decisions before action. For example, a child without experiences can find that gamble is so interesting; however, a wise and caring father may give his little boy a persuasive warning to stop the child from doing wrong things.  
  
In another side, parents' advices are not right in all cases. For example, a boy can not obey the arrangement of his father about his love as well as his career. If he has an amazing voice and desires to be a singer, the father should not stop him and force him to be a dentist. Building fence between a person and his passion can make him unfortunate and regret.  
  
Therefore, how could we find a resolution whenever parents and their children have disagreement? The answer is "conservation and persuasion". Parents convince their daughters/sons by sufficient evidence such as laws, the story of their own or their acquaintances. Children persuade their parents by the talent, some small achievements they achieved in contests, some express of sincere love as well as passion, some good characters of their lovers. Then the family together choose the best thing to do.  
  
In conclusion, children and their parents should usually have conversations to find what a child had better do. If the advices of parents are not reasonable, it will be necessary for a child to convince their parents. In other cases, talking the parents' advices is a good choice.
Hang, what type of essay are you writing exactly? I am not sure if this is a TOEFL or IELTS test because you did not provide the exam name and full prompt that you are responding to. I know that you are asking for writing feedback but I cannot offer definitive feedback unless I know what the essay you have written is for. Even without that information though, I have some comments for you to consider. The first of which is with regards to your opening statement. By opening the paragraph with the phrase "In fact," that indicates that you offered a series of sentences prior to that which connect with this new information being presented. Without that information, you appear to be starting the discussion in the middle instead of presenting a proper opening presentation. That will definitely be very bad for your scoring considerations. Also, you pose questions within the essay but do not have enough space within which to accurately respond to these rhetorical presentations. Avoid rhetorical presentations because these tend to make the writer deviate from the original topic or, you simply do not have the space within which to properly respond to the self imposed questions. These will be another set of reasons why you will receive points deductions, regardless of the exam type.
I really appreciate all your comments. Actually, that is an exercise I read from an IELTS Preparation book for beginners. The topic is "Children should always follow their parents' advice. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?" Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience."  
  
I have just started learning English for a short time. It is very valuable for me to receive such constructive comments. Thank you very much!
Question:- *Newspapers have an enormous influence on people's opinions and ideas.  
Why is it?  
Do you think it is a positive or a negative situation?*  
  
## people's thoughts are affected by newspapers

  
  
Answer:- The newspapers have a strong effect on an individual's viewpoint and ideas.There are various reasons behind this positive trend.  
  
The main reason for a profound influence of newspapers on the opinions of people is that these have become an essential part of most of the people's daily life.Every morning many people like to read a newspaper to know about the current affairs and latest news , local, national or international. This keeps them aware of even the social issues prevalent in the society which makes them sentimental and sensitive. Although this is possible through TV and the internet also, but because majority of people are habitual of reading a newspaper daily rather than using TV or the internet as a source of news, this printed media is far more influential.  
  
In my opinion, this kind of impact of newspaper in forming people's opinions is beneficial. When the newspaper editors print the true news of any issue in the newspaper, the readers can form a right opinion about the people. In other words, the news about scandals or scams can inform the public about the deceptive people who are part of it. There have been many bribery scandals by political leaders and when such incidents are read by the readers in the newspaper, they easily come to know that the leader is corrupt and should not be trusted.  
  
In conclusion, people's thoughts are affected strongly by the newspapers because they read it daily and this situation is beneficial for them.
Gurpinder, since this is a direct question essay, you are not supposed to indicate your response as a separate sentence before the discussion. Rather, it should be integrated into the first paragraph discussion that presents a proper restatement of the prompt along with the beginning of your opinion discussion. Now, the main problem with your paper is that you only offer talking points that aim to prove the positive effect of newspaper reading in the formation of the ideas and opinions of people. However, you fail to justify your talking points with supporting reasons and evidence that will support your claims. Thus, your opinion becomes weak and unfounded. Unless you can state popular information and examples to assist in strengthening your opinion, you can't really expect the reader to take your work for it. The response that you provided is simply not convincing enough due to lack of strong supporting popular information and evidence.
Albert, you have too many topics under discussion in this research paper but not enough in discussion in terms of topic development. I am really confused at this point regarding which type of bias should be focused on in this paper and why I should care about it. The opening statement does not deliver an accurate nor clear thesis statement regarding bias, which is probably why the paper appears to be directionless. Rather than trying to cover all types, causes, and effects of bias, it would be better if you focus your research on one or two related cases of bias in relation to the scientific aspect of the discussion. You can consider discussing how gender bias against women scientists has affected scientific research in a specific field. Then mention some successful research of female scientists that were prevented from being published because of gender bias. It will be a bit difficult for you to successfully discuss bias in general in relation to science because the field is too wide for discussion. You must narrow down the discussion in order to clarify the point of your paper. Do some topic brainstorming first. Then narrow down the topic till you are left with one important bias topic for discussion or two related topics. From there, outline the topics for discussion then look at whether or not you will be able to access relevant information for it. Right now, your essay presents the topics for discussion but does not present an accurate discussion of each point. Which is what is causing the problems for your essay presentation. Figure out the point of the essay first, then revise the current content to go into the direction you need it to go in for the presentation.
Q. *Today's teenagers have more stressful lives than previous generations. Discuss this view and give your opinion.*  
  
## big pressure on youth today

  
  
Although the standard of living has improved in the modern age, yet teenagers are going through the strain in their lives unlike in the past. As time is changing, more and more children are experiencing pressures such as financial, academic, social and peer pressure as well pressure due to poor time management. I believe some of these pressures were also present in the past but they were not too strong back then.  
  
Teenager of modern age is more stressed due to financial burdens. With the passage of time, more and more families are falling under the poverty line. This has resulted in stress in young children as they are directly affected by this. Furthermore, today's youngsters are experiencing stress as to perform better, compete with others, examinations, homework, getting admission in good college and meeting their parents' expectations are common these days.  
  
Another source of anxiety in teenagers is to get accepted by peers and social competition. They have to participate in certain groups, keep themselves updated with latest fashion trends, trying new things such as smoking, drinking and sometimes drugs. when they try to be what they are not, it becomes hard to maintain that image and exerts mental pressure on them. Also, adolescents of our time suffer from stress owing to poor time management. They do not have time for breakfast, school, homework or for playing games. They get interrupted easily by modern day technology like mobile phones and computer and are left with little time to do important things. This also results in extra stress.  
  
In conclusion, the modern-day teenager feels more strain due to pressure at school, financial stress, meeting social needs to remain accepted by peers and their inability to manage time well. I believe that these pressures were also found in older times but they have become more powerful and apparent currently.
Dear Asefnoor,  
  
Please let me give you some feedbacks.  
  
1. The topic is about comparing the today's teenager with previous generation. I think on your essay, you focus on today's teenager. My advice, you need to discuss more about teenagers in the past.  
  
2. On your first paragraph, I found 4 "pressures" words. Avoid using the repetitive word on your essay.  
  
3. I don't think you need to say "more and more", just more J  
  
That's all. I wish it can be useful. Good luck!
Asif, the discussion begs you to do a compare and contrast presentation. That is why you are being asked to discuss the point of view provided along with your opinion. Your opinion needs to be formulated on the premise that the previous generation had an easier life than the current generation. That is not depicted in this essay so, even though you use the correct direct response approach, your response has become only partial in terms of prompt requirements. It is because of this reason that you might get near a passing grade for the essay, but not an actual passing grade. When you add up the under developed topic presentations per paragraph, you will get an even lower C&C score in the process. When combined with the low TA score due to prompt deviation, it will be extremely difficult for you to pull this up to a passing grade. You need to improve your English comprehension skills. Make sure that you understand what the instructions for the discussion format are so that you do not make a mistake which results in an over all lowering of your major scoring aspects. More importantly, remember the golden rule, one topic per paragraph within the 3 body paragraph discussion allotment. Don't have less than 3 sentences, but not more than 5 either. You did that several times in this essay so I really do not see how this essay will garner a passing score in an actual test.
*A person's worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values , such as honour,kindness,trust,no longer seem important .  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?*  
=====================================================  
  
## What makes a person worthy?

  
  
The saying , "don't judge a book by its cover" , is so true . A person's worth shows through not only physical appearance or social status or material possessions , but also characteristics . Therefore I strongly disagree with statement that honour,kindness,trust become old-fashioned .  
  
It is pointless that a high - ranked , rich person is dishonest and untrustworthy . There are many cases in which a man , who has fashionable outfit , tempting young girls . He promises to give them well-paid jobs by working overseas . Actually they are going to be sold to become prostitutes or slaves . There are also some people in government , who have a high social status and are very rich , still cheating money from national revenue .They report wrongly in purpose to put this money into their own pockets .  
  
On the other hand , many people , who don't have much money , are though honest and reliable. Although many young couples don't have big houses or modern cars at all , their homes are always full of happiness and laughs . There are also some national leaders , who still wear simply when they meet their citizens . They still show the kindness and friendliness despite of their supreme status .  
  
To sum up , possessing a huge property and getting the highest position are wishes of everyone . These show up you have a successful career . However the most valuable things are family , friend and the inside beauty .
Nyuyen, you will not score very well in the TA section of the scoring because you did not properly paraphrase the opining statement in the first paragraph. Perhaps you are not familiar with the IELTS Task 2 rules. The first paragraph, under this rule, is always used to provide an insight into your English comprehension skills. That is why you are asked to merely restate the prompt at this point and provide an explanation of what the discussion instruction is. The direct question response, as you did in this essay is meant for a different kind of IELTS essay test. The opening paraphrase for this essay should be similar to this:  
  
*It is believed that modern times have changed the way people judge the value of people. Whereas before, a person's worth was measured by his honesty and integrity, these days it appears that material wealth is the predominant judging criteria for the value of a person. I strongly disagree with this statement for a number of reasons.*  
  
You also need to make sure that all of your sentences deliver a clear statement. In this instance,  
  
It is pointless that a high - ranked , rich person is dishonest and untrustworthy .  
does not make sense. The sentence does not have a point. There is a subject but no verb. What exactly do you mean? The sentence leaves the reader confused and stressed out when you make incomplete statements. This happens often throughout your essay. Try to make sure that you do not translate from your mother tongue to English. That is where the confusing sentence development arises. You need to practice thinking in English aside from writing in English so that your sentences make sense every time.
## less waste in the environment

  
  
Recycling is one of the key topics in our modernization life, especially when there are many issues is occurring on our planet such as Global Warming, Climate Changes, Animals Extinction and so on. It's a critical responsibility of human beings to protect our environment, to safeguard our future. But in fact, the amounts of waste are being recycled is just minimal and it is not fast enough to catch up with the rate the human are disposing the trash into natural habitat. In such scenario, governments should enforce some kind of movements to make recycling activities more efficient.  
  
The legal requirement which is given by the government is the most powerful facilitator for the changes to happen. The truth is most people understand the responsibility of recycling plastic bags, disposed papers,... but very few of them take it seriously. It is their habit that makes them tend to resist of recycling seemly because they are getting used to what they do every single day. In order to change a habit, it has never been easy. Law enforcement to some extent is the necessary switch that kills these harmful habits and forcing people adapt to the new changes. Let look at Singapore in the 1900s, people are used to splitting chewing-gum on the rail train and causing the disruption of the subway system. Singapore government subsequently had issued an official ban on chewing-gum consumption to prevent further breakdown of their railway system. The law requirement has put an end to the way Singaporean habit of eating chewing gum definitely and furthermore, Singapore government has even addressed high penalty on throwing waste in the public. As a result, Singaporean tend to be extremely careful whenever they try to dispose of the garbage; and there will be no surprise that Singapore is one of world cleanest country.  
  
On the other hand, the law is simple acted as an awareness activity. People will not know what they need to do until they are told to do so. When children are born, they hardly know what is right, what is wrong. It is the parental guidance, social etiquette and principal laws that show them the right things. For instance, we won't know whether crossing the street when the traffic light is red is wrong until the laws mentions. Government laws are general agreements amongst people in society which create boundaries to shape our behaviors. Through conventional consensus, people will practice actions unconsciously in a long-term run. One way or another, it might put a seed of awareness or educate our next generations to protect their future home and their environment.  
  
After all, recycling is still an individual awareness and responsibility at the moment; yet legal requirements might need to be issued to generalize the actions and to enforce the changes of old bad habits.
Minh, you have created a prompt deviation in your discussion which will result in the failure of this essay in an actual test. This mistake will cost you a failing mark in the TA section of the scoring process. You did not offer a paraphrase for the original prompt and discussion instruction in the opening statement. You instead began am immediate discussion, stating reasons for the discussion in the opening paragraph. That is not what you are supposed to do in the opening statement. I take it that you are self studying and you have not bothered to read about the actual format for the IELTS Task 2 essay from online sources. That is why you made so many severe mistakes in this essay. The proper format is as follows:  
  
1. Prompt paraphrase  
2. Reason 1 with supporting evidence  
3. Reason 2 with supporting evidence  
4. Reason 3 with supporting evidence  
5. Summarized information conclusion  
  
Familiarize yourself with the English grammar capitalization rules as well. Only proper nouns such as the name of people, places, and things, as well as titles are capitalized. Throughout your essay, you have capitalized words such as Global Warming, Climate Changes, Animals Extinction, which is not required since these do not fall under the capitalization rules.  
  
Next, you have simply bad use of punctuation marks. Brush up on the punctuation marks usage as well since you are scored heavily on that in the GRA aspect of the score. You cannot use a comma and an ellipsis simultaneously in a given sentence. You can only use one of the other. Learn when to use and when not to use the punctuation marks. Figure out which punctuation marks should be used and when.  
  
There is also the problem of sentence presentation per paragraph. Don't write less than 3 but no more than 5 per paragraph, using only one topic for discussion per paragraph.  
  
There are simply too many errors in this essay for you to receive a passing mark. I hope that you take the time to familiarize yourself with the Task 2 writing requirements before you try and write another essay.
## IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - PROBLEM - SOLUTION

  
  
The fact is that newspapers are not being read and news on TV is not being watched by young people. It is not only a big concern interest for society but also for television and newspapers stations. In this essay, I will give some causes and suggestions to tackle of this problem.  
  
Most of newspapers and news channels provide too much boring information about economy, business and politics which cannot attract the young. In addition, the language of these topics is too difficult for them to understand. Consequently, they have lack of knowledge about national or international economy and politics. Another reason is that newspapers are delivered in the morning which is inappropriate time for most of people since this time for them to go to school or go to work. Moreover, with the development of technology, more and more young people use smartphone, so they trend to read news from online newspapers and social media site like Facebook or Twitter. However, everyone can post anything on the Internet so many articles are not true.  
  
In my opinion, in order to young people read newspapers, the articles of newspapers should give some interesting knowledge such as health, social skills for life... instead of too much economic and politics information. Besides, I think that many kinds of newspapers should change the size. As a result, the size of newspapers is suitable enough for people to bring everywhere. In schools and universities, the principle can provide free some types of newspapers for students to read.  
  
As I mentioned above, it is important for young people to get news regularly, so newspapers and television stations should upgrade the quality of the articles and news programmes.
Ngoc, since you did not post the original prompt with the discussion instruction, I cannot advice you regarding the content of your essay. However, I can tell you this, your essay will not pass during the actual test because there is no actual discussion taking place. In your second paragraph, you indicated 6 discussion points, without any actual development of that discussion through reasoning and evidence presentation. These discussion points should have been focused on the top 3 reasons and discussed in individual paragraphs in the 3 body paragraphs of the essay instead. So your C&C score will be failing at this point. Your GRA, will also not get a passing score because you did not provide the correct sentence presentations to prove that you can properly use the simple and complex sentences to express yourself in English. Keep in mind that there is a minimum 3 maximum 5 sentence ruling per paragraph. That is meant to allow you to show off your English writing skills. You are not supposed to compress all the discussions in just one paragraph. Expand the discussion topics in individual paragraphs next time so that you can make full use of the scoring potential of each bracket requirement.