dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The reference to "When in Rome..." was only a reference point for the writer. the cliche need not be mentioned in the actual discussion because it was unnecessary. Rather, the simple restatement of the topic about people adapting to the culture as a tourist should have been made, with 2 direct question response presentations. The response to the second question is in error because the writer based his response on an extent presentation when such an option was not given in the guide question. So there are inaccuracies in the presentation that could adversely affect the preliminary score of the opening statement.  
  
The writer improperly referenced "Greece" the country as "Greek" who are the native born citizens of Greece. That specific paragraph was also under served by the sudden introduction of a second reason, which was not properly developed in terms of discussion when compared to the previous reason in the same paragraph.  
  
The reasoning as to language learning should have started with the second reason based on the usefulness of learning the language of the country first. The paragraph did not require a compare and contrast discussion since it was neither required by the original question and, did not really help establish the correct discussion point as indicated by the prompt.
## the purpose of travelling and working overseas

  
  
Travel overseas or working in an international environment are supposed by some people to be the sole reason for studying other languages. However, others argue that they are not the main excuse for this activity. From my point of view, the former opinion is not completely correct, since learning languages has a lot of advantages, which make people decide to master them.  
  
On the one hand, it is undeniable that the opportunities of traveling and working in a foreign country is one of the reasons for learning languages. The ability to speak other languages fluently, especially English, Chinese,... gives you the chance to go abroad or become employees of oversea or multinational entrepreneurs and helps you get a brighter future since you can broaden your horizon and show off your talents. What's more, those companies are also famous for excellent facilities, high salary and good compensation, which make people want to study languages in order to work there.  
  
However, the aforementioned thing isn't the aim of all learners. Personally, I think that the core function of languages is making communication become easier for those who come from different countries. For that reason, many people start learning another language with an aim of interacting more effectively with their counterparts, partners or making new friends. Moreover, in this globalization era, more and more documents are written in some common languages. As a result, the ability to understand these languages can help humans be exposed to a variety of knowledge all over the world. For example, university students tend to search for materials in English since most of the research results have English versions.  
  
In conclusion, even though going and working overseas is a driving force for some people when learning new languages, it is not the only one purpose since benefits of being multilingual are countless, which results in many other aims.
The writer shows incorrect punctuation usage in the presentation. Any student of written English knows that the basic punctuation rule is that these have to be used one at a time. These cannot be used successively, as in a comma then ellipses, because each punctuation mark delivers a different emphasis and meaning for the presented sentence. When these are consecutively used, GRA deductions will apply since the reader will not be clear as to what the actual meaning of the sentence is. Is it a statement or a continued listing of information? Such confusing considerations will hinder the ability of the writer to create coherent and cohesive sentences. This is a common problem found among ESL learners who do not seem to pay attention to the punctuation mark usage lessons in their ESL classes.  
  
As for the discussion itself, the comparison of the public opinion against the writer's personal opinion is not properly identified in the discussion. Grammar rules regarding position clarity are not applied when the main discussion format is not used. The discussion format required being "public v. personal opinion" discussed over 2 paragraphs. The main writing should be indicative of public support that one opinion and why the writer opposes it and public support for the contrasting opinion and why the writer supports it. General discussion presentations, though accepted in the test, limit the scores that can be awarded due to the lack of opinion separation and discussion development.
***Task 1, Ielts writing, line chart***  
## The changes in ownership of electrical appliances

  
  
The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019.  
  
The charts given illustrate the usage of electrical devices and the number of hours used for housework per household in one country over a period of 99 years.  
  
Overall, the proportion of electrical appliances used rose over the period shown. The proportion of refrigerator and vacuum cleaners took the lead in 2019, with 100% households using both devices. At the same time, the number of time spent on housework showed a reversed trend.  
  
In 1920, no household used refrigerators. By contrast, the proportion of people using washing machines and vacuum cleaners was much higher, with 40% and 30% respectively. Over a period of 99 years, the percentage of households with electrical devices climbed dramatically.  
  
All the households in that country utilized the refrigerator and vacuum cleaner, nearly 70% of households used the washing machine.  
  
Regarding the amount of time spent on housework, the trend was a fall. In 1920, people spent 50 hours per week on housework. The trend then showed a rapid decrease. In 2019, only 10 hours was employed for housework per week.  
  
The charts given illustrate the usage of electrical devices and the number of hours used for housework per household in one country over a period of 99 years.  
  
Overall, the proportion of electrical appliances used rose over the period shown. The proportion of refrigerator and vacuum cleaners took the lead in 2019, with 100% households using both devices. At the same time, the number of time spent on housework showed a reversed trend.  
  
In 1920, no household used refrigerators. By contrast, the proportion of people using washing machines and vacuum cleaners was much higher, with 40% and 30% respectively. Over a period of 99 years, the percentage of households with electrical devices climbed dramatically.  
  
All the households in that country utilized the refrigerator and vacuum cleaner, nearly 70% of households used the washing machine.  
  
Regarding the amount of time spent on housework, the trend was a fall. In 1920, people spent 50 hours per week on housework. The trend then showed a rapid decrease. In 2019, only 10 hours was employed for housework per week.  
  
*
Please post only one version of the essay next time. Multiple postings in the same thread will result in account suspension if done repeatedly.  
  
When indicating a plural number for the images, mention the actual number and the separate image title as clear reference points in the summary. This will help to add to the authority of the summary presentation. It will also help create the necessary mental picture for the reader. The writer will notice that the trending statement has lost clarity because of the lack of proper image separation in the summary overview. Once the reader is confused, the score will generally be less for the GRA score.  
  
The discussions are not well developed enough over 4 paragraphs. The presentations are too short to be considered truly reflective and analytical of the information provided. No paragraph should be comprised of one sentence or two sentences alone.  
  
As an analytical essay, this is poorly developed and written. The writer must focus on proper information presentation in his succeeding task 1 essays.
## Graph description task

  
  
The line graph illustrates the quality of abroad travelers go to three different kinds of religions in a European country in 20 years period beginning in 1987  
  
Overall, the number of people who visit the coast, mountains and lakes climbed together. However, the line between coast and mountains was still dramatical volatility.  
  
In 1987, the index of three kinds of zones the the coast, mountains and lakes have 40, 20, and 10 thousands citizens, perspective. Five years later, the number of overseas traveling characters go to the coast had slightly decreased, 5% approximately. In contrast, the mountains and lakes one rose to 25%.  
  
In 2002, the plenty of foreign dwellers who visit to the lakes had dramatically increased three times higher than 1992's figure. But it fell quite sharp to 50% in 2007. According to the index of the coast and lakes line in 2007, it showed that former climbed sharply to reach a highest ranking by 35% and the latter had slightly rose to 35%, accounted for the third ranking
The essay will get a failing score due to the poor writing abilities of the writer. He has obvious problems with word choice and thus, word usage. He is using improper vocabulary throughout the essay which affects the clarity and accuracy of his analysis and reporting presentation. These problems, when combined, leave the writer withh a failing GRA score because his report is not comprehensible to the reader. The difficulty in understanding his work will cause a non-passing C+C score as well. the paragraphs are neither cohesive nor coherent at this point. The analysis also lacks references to the overlapping points in the graph that represent certains instances of equal visitor count for certain sectors. The writer must focus on improving his vocabulary at this point because that is the aspect that affects his overall scoring ability.
## International graduates from Canadian unviersities (2001-2006)

  
  
**The graph below shows the percentage change in the number of international students graduating from universities in different Canadian provinces between 2001 and 2006. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
The graph demonstrates the percentage change in the number of overseas students graduating from different universities in eight Canadian provinces.  
  
Overall, most provinces, except Alberta, experienced an upward trend throughout the period. While New Brunswick remained at the highest percentage until the end of the period, there were many changes among the provinces having lower rates in the ranking.  
  
Specifically, in 2001, all provinces had a low percentage of international graduates. New Brunswick's proportion was by far the highest one at that moment with almost 7%. Ontario, on the contrary, was left behind by other provinces as its proportion was around 3%, which was half as much as New Brunswick and slightly smaller than New Founderland and Labrador, whose percentage of global alumni was 3.5%.  
  
Nevertheless, in 2006, nearly all parts of Canada witnessed a dramatic increase in the percentage of foreign students graduating from Canadian universities. New Brunswick still had the highest proportion of international graduates with 12%, but it was New British Columbia that made the biggest progress when reaching 10 percent of overseas graduates, thus outracing Nova Scotia in 2006. On the other hand, Alberta encountered a one percent decrease in its proportion compared to that in 2001.  
  
\*\*Please help me check this essay. Your feedbacks mean a lot to me. Thank you in advance.  
  
*   
*International graduates, Canadian universities, 2001–2006*
The summary overview fails to properly recognize the type of graph provided because it used a cut and paste identifier from the original summary. There needs to be a change in the image title when it is restated. In this case, the addition of the word "bar" to indicate the type of measurement used in the graph would have made a huge difference in the scoring for that section. As for the trending paragraph. A rundown of all 9 countries would have been needed since that is part of the overview of the given image. A more appropriate trending statement, that could reflect the provinces in the list would have added to the scoring potential of the paragraphs.  
  
While the word count is a little over the maximum word count, it is not so much over the count that it would affect the 20 minute writing allowance. However, having read the report, I feel that the writer could have done a little more editing to shorten the presentation. It could have been completed in 180 words instead. Since the essay is scored on its concise presentation through the C+C consideration, the writer should have strived to accomplish the shorter but clearer presentation format. Good job reporting though.
In some countries, the elderly are of great appreciation, while in others, the young are considered more valuable. From my point of view, although the progress of a nation depends heavily on young adults, older people should still be appreciated for their dedication in the past and the valuable experience they provide for the younger generation.  
  
On the one hand, young people are significant in national development. There is little doubt that the young comprise the majority of the workforce, and because of this, they offer public services like education, healthcare, infrastructure, and security. Without these services, it is unlikely for any nation to function properly, let alone develop. In addition, young people are innovative, diligent, and passionate about working to create breakthroughs in many areas. Therefore, the young should be valued and provided with favorable conditions to work effectively and become contributing members of society.  
  
On the other hand, I firmly believe that under no circumstances should older people be depreciated. This is simply because they deserve it; like young people nowadays, the seniors used to make every possible contribution to the growth of their countries. Thus, as they grow older and lose the ability to work, they should still be treated with great gratitude. Not to mention, the elderly also have wide experience and invaluable lessons about life. They can help the youths overcome obstacles and guide them to the right path in life.  
  
In conclusion, while it is apparent that the younger generation plays a key role in the development of a country, it is undeniable the elderly should be respected because of their wholehearted dedication to their country and their vast amount of knowledge.
The prompt restatement and writer's opinion will be considered quite impressive in this presentation. The discussion paraphrase is well structured and on point. It properly merged and presented the opposing ideas in a complex manner. It shows a strong discussion foundation. However, the actual discussion paragraphs prove to a problem.  
  
When asked to discuss both views and give an opinion, expect the need to use a comparative discussion format. That is because the clarity of the writer's opinion will depend upon how well he opposes or supports a public point of view. The examiner will be looking for the use of correct pronouns to help with the discussion clarity. The pronouns are missing in this presentation. General discussion points are often misconstrued as coming only from the writer's opinion so a clarification as to who is thinking what often helps with the coherence of the discussion presentation.  
  
Aside from the reasoning paragraphs that needs work, the opening and closing statements are applaudable. These are the kinds of paraphrases that help increase the essay score. In this case, that aid was hindered by the reasoning paragraphs. Still, good job !
***Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing.***  
## What is your opinion

  
  
Choosing to maintain or not is a preference. While some people resist with stability, however, I believe that we should have another point of view in becoming more flexible day by day.  
  
On the one hand, people who greet new things outside are more creative, not only seize the opportunities for themselves but also benefit for communities. It is obvious to see that their interests are not in stereotype, such as paintings or making relationships. To achieve this, they curious about the diversity of the world, which input human being' minds with innovative and contracted ideas. Therefore, in consciousness, equivalent things are attracted to these characteristics from various aspects of life. In the workplace, by their agible in solving customer complaints, the boss would be satisfied and maneuver his or her to play an vital role in the company. As the type of their personality they are, their relationship and success are increased.  
  
In my opinion, it is necessary to recognise the movement in each slice of life. Not only is fogy habit at the expense of a person's lifetime, but also the development of society. Industrial revolution 4.0 nowadays is a good example, where innovation and renewability are welcomed. In order to adapt with the new twenty-first century, having a readiness to horizon knowledge by learning from objects and events of life is compulsory. If not, people who are rigid with this instruction might not have priority in social class, as they are left behind. In consequence, when traditional methods and also the obsolete [mnvc1] professions are replaced by machines, when it comes to recruitment, there is little or no light for them; the recruiter might comment narrow minded in the note.  
  
In conclusion, changing is an brilian option due to the better fate the option arranges.
The opening rephrasement of the original presentation left me highly confused. It is obvious that the writer understood the original presentation but, he has a problem with synonym accuracy and thought presentation in this particular section. The presentation was difficult to decipher / follow as the essence of the original topic was lost in the translation. Perhaps the writing made sense in the native language of the writer, but it really did not translate to English well. I was left with questions like:  
  
Choosing to maintain what?  
What does stability have to do with doing the same things and avoiding change?  
How is flexibility relevant to this discussion?  
  
These questions will lead the writer to receive a failing preliminary GRA score since the reader was left confused about the paragraph presentation. This is not a good occurence since this means the GRA score will begin with a failing mark.  
  
The LR score of the writer will also get failing marks because he is not using the correct words to represent his thoughts. He also uses archaic English such as fogy, which is not used in everyday modern English. It is almost like he just opened a dictionary, looked up a word meaning and decided to use it, regardless of whether it is used properly in the sentence / paragraph or not. These mistakes affected the coherence of the overall paragraph, leading to another failing score.  
  
Since the writer is not fully defending his opinion over 2 paragraphs, the cohesiveness of the paragraphs are also affected, resulting in non passing marks throughout all the scoring sections. I do not even need to comment on the concluding paragraph to come to the conclusion that the writer has show tremendous effort in the development of this paper, but without proper writing guidance, he produced a failing score essay.
On the one hand, people who greet new things outside are more creative, not only seize the opportunities for themselves but also benefit for communities. : what do you mean with benefit for the communities, just say contribute remarkably to the society or benefit the communities considerably.  
  
they curious about the diversity of the world: where is to be verb ? this is a grammar mistake that affects your band score alot. The task response in body is bad. Since the 1st sentence you said about the personality and benefits of people want to change and the last sentence is about relationship. There is no connection between them. In this case, you failed to achieve the task response point.  
  
More high level words must be used to diversify the vocabs.  
The conclusion is so bad as they do not function as it should be, where is the restatement sentence ? and next a prediction and recommendation is advisable.
***Some people believe that keeping pets is beneficial while others believe that it is a bad idea.***  
## Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

  
  
In today's society, raising an animal like a dog or cat at home is a norm. While some say having domestic animals brings about merits, others argue the opposite. In my opinion, having pets is an overall positive practice due to the great psychological advantages enjoyed by owners.  
  
On the one hand, it can be argued that having pets should not be favourable for the reason that it can get very unhygienic and different bacteria may enter the house via pets. Because animal brains are basically not as developed as human ones, their level of awareness is accordingly lower. As a result, they can make people's house unclean and dirtier. For example, dogs can roll in the mud outside and step straight into the house, lying on the sofa without knowing that it can irritate the owners. As the outside environment is riddled with all kinds of dangerous bacteria, it is likely that those animals contain some in their bodies and leave some anywhere they go through. Therefore, the worst-case scenario is that humans may contract some diseases from their very own pets.  
  
On the other hand, I believe that keeping pets is still a good choice due to the positive mental state people can obtain from their company. As pets have no judgements or discrimination, people often feel completely relieved around them and can live to their true selves. In addition, since animals can not speak, or at least can not communicate using the language of human beings, they become sympathetic friends with whom humans can have complete confidence to share their deepest feelings. This is no doubt a great relief to the owners and can significantly improve their mental health. Furthermore, exposure to bacteria is proven to actually strengthen our immune system while wild animals are mainly blamed for dangerous viruses, not pets.  
  
In conclusion, while the unhygienic conditions of pets might be a real problem, my own view is that keeping pets should be encouraged for psychological reasons.
Since the given topic clearly indicates opposing views about the keeping of pets, it is inaccurate for the writer to claim that keeping pets is a norm in our current society. This is a prompt misdirection that has altered the discussion basis of the original presentation. This inaccurate restatement will receive a failing score consideration. This personal opinion should not be the opening sentence of this presentation because of the negative effects in the restatement considerations. It is irrelevant to the given discussion. It should not be there at all. Only the last 2 sentences properly relate to the original discussion considerations.  
  
The lack of proper GRA representation in relation to pronouns have resulted in an essay that only reflects a personal opinion regarding the topic rather than the required comparison of opinions. How does the public view the first opinion? Why? Explain. What is the writer's opinion of the same POV? Why? Explain? These are the questions that should be responded to in each of the paragraphs that discusses the public opinion. Otherwise, the essay will be scored based on an under developed presentation. The need for pronoune usage of the third and first person kind must be stressed throughout this discussion.