dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hi, make sure to always include the complete prompt so we can determine if you have addressed it in the correct way. I assume this is your prompt:  
  
Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement?  
What other measures do you think might be effective?  
  
I think your essay is very clearly written and sounds natural for the most part. Here are some specific suggestions:  
  
The discovery of fuel {this sounds a little odd to me - I mean, this is not a recent discovery, fuel has been around ever since the first cave woman burned wood to cook her food} has brought enormous benefits  
  
the future of humanity once the resources are all out. {"have run out" sounds better}  
  
increases in the price of fuels are the only solution to this problem. There is some truth in this argument. {This is a pretty vague answer to the prompt's question "to what extent do you agree?" I would try to be more explicit}  
  
undeniable thatarise in the cost of fuels is of great help in decreasing the consumption ~~to the decrease~~ of these natural materials ~~consumption~~.  
  
it in order to save their budget. {"save their budget" sounds a bit odd - maybe "maintain/manage their budget" or "save their money"}  
  
and they will have more time to renew their materials. {who is "they"? The consumers? and what does "renew their materials" mean here? A little unclear to me}  
  
run out of fuels and human {try to avoid using "human/s" unless you are talking about biology or comparing us with other animals - try "society"} will lose their {and when you say "humans" and then "their", it makes it sound like you are speaking from outside the group, that you are not a human yourself - I assume you are a real person and not an AI writing this essay? :) } most effective energy sources.  
  
some adverse drawbacks forthe typical consumer ~~human beings~~.  
  
cost of transportation, manufacturing and the fall in the cost of other sources of energy such as solar energy,... {don't use ellipses like this in a formal essay. Also, why would an increase in oil prices cause the cost of solar energy to go down? I don't follow}  
  
... impact on the life of people. {"on people's lives" / "on individuals' lives" sounds more natural here}  
  
other alternative energy sources instead of onlyfossil fuels.  
  
government should raisepeople's awareness ... and use them properly. {you need two nouns to make this phrase parallel, so "... and their proper use" or "and the urgency of using them properly"}  
  
In conclusion, an increase in ...
## Brick manufacturing

  
  
The given diagram illustrates the process of brick making.  
Overall, there are essentially four stages in the production of brick beginning with the digging clay and ending with new products packaging and delivering to be purchased.  
  
At the first stage of producing brick, clay is removed from the earth by using digger and put through a mental grid to a roller. After that, it is being mixed with sand and water before forming the bricks in two ways. Either by a wire cutter or a mould.  
  
During the next step, they are put into a drying oven within 24-48 hours. Those bricks are then heated in a special kiln at a moderate temperature (200C-900C) and at a higher temperature (870C-1300C) before treating in a cooling chamber for 48-72 hours. At the final stage, the bricks are packaged and transported to customers for display.  
  
*
Hi, I think you have done a pretty good job of explaining the diagram. I am not sure where you are getting the four stages though. I see either 6 stages plus delivery, or 5 stages plus getting the clay and delivering the bricks. Here are some specific suggestions:  
  
with the digging of clay and ending  
  
with new products packaged and delivered to be purchased. {"new products" sounds like newly developed products - I would say "completed bricks". And I would leave out the "to be purchased", maybe the bricks have already been purchased and are being delivered directly to the final customer - try not to make assumptions that are not in the diagram}  
  
... by using a digger and put through a metal grid onto a roller.  
  
After that, it is ~~being~~ mixed  
  
water before being formed into the bricks in two ways, either by a wire cutter or using a mould.  
  
a drying oven for a period of 24-48 hours.  
  
... (200C-900C) and then at a higher ... before being treated {I don't think "treated" is the right word here - it is not like anything is being added to them, they just cool down}
TOPIC: SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT STUDYING AT UNIVERSITY OR COLLEGE IS THE BEST ROUTE TO A SUCCESSFUL CAREER, WHILE OTHERS BELIEVE THAT IT IS BETTER TO GET A JOB STRAIGHT AFTER SCHOOL. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION.  
  
## a college or university or straight to work?

  
  
People have different views about what young individuals should do when they leave high school. While there are some clear benefits to youngsters who decide to get a job straight after school, I would argue that it is much more beneficial to go to college or university.  
  
On the one hand, the decision to get a job straight after school is attractive for some reasons. Firstly, young people who want to get a job as soon as possible will be more independent in finance. This allows them to afford their living cost such as accommodation fees and food prices. As a result, they help to reduce financial burden on their parents. Secondly, those who start career at early ages would accumulate more practical experience as well as enhance essential skills which contribute to their chosen profession. Therefore, higher chance for them getting promotion quickly.  
  
On the other hand, I believe that the option to pursue higher education is greater beneficial. Firstly, because some professions such as doctor and scientist require profound theoretical knowledge, young individuals might find themselves in the struggle of getting these jobs without graduating from college or university. Additionally, there is an increasingly significant competition in job market nowadays, many employers might give priority to candidates who have higher academic background, which allows university graduates have countless opportunities when they find job.  
  
In conclusion, while it is true that getting job straight after school has some advantages, it seems to me that students have much more opportunities in career path if they continue higher education.
Hi, I think you have addressed the prompt pretty well, here are some specific suggestions:  
  
the decision to get a job straight after school {try to avoid repeating phrases like "straight after school" - you could mix it up by saying "immediately after high school graduation" for instance}  
  
is attractive for some reasons. {"for some reason" means you don't really know the particular reason - "She doesn't seem to like my dress for some reason." So I would avoid saying "for some reasons" because it sounds so similar}  
  
as soon as possible will be more financially independent ~~in finance~~.  
  
their living costs such as accommodation fees {"accommodation fees" sounds odd and unnatural - I would probably just say "rent"}  
  
they help to reduce the financial burden  
  
those who start a career ...  
Therefore, there will be a higher chance of them getting promotions quickly.  
  
option to pursue higher education is of greater benefit. {or "is more beneficial"}  
  
... in the struggle of getting {"struggling to get these" is more natural} these jobs  
  
significant competition in the job market nowadays, thus many employers  
  
priority to candidates who havea more extensive academic background, which allows university graduates to have countless opportunities in finding a job.  
  
while it is true that getting a job  
  
have much more opportunities intheir career paths if they continue higher education.
Hi Thaoduyen, I think the best way is to treat it like an idiom. It cannot be used with every adjective, but here are some examples where it works:  
  
to be of use = to be useful  
to be of help = to be helpful  
be of aid = to provide aid  
be of service = to provide service  
to be of importance = to be important  
to be of significance = to be significant  
to be of consequence = to be consequential  
to be of interest = to be interesting  
to be of benefit = to be beneficial  
to be of assistance = to be helpful  
to be of worth = to be valuable  
to be of good quality = to be good with respect to quality
## online tools the best if used it wisely

  
  
Business meetings, discussions, traning are shown to be happening online nowadays. With the modern technology, it makes lots of advantages. Then the disadvantages are in parralel with them.  
  
First and foremost, online meetings save our time and commuting costs. Morever, those can take place everywhere at any time so long as you have a computer. In addition , with the help of the onlline tools, users just sit at home and no worry about workplace is established.  
  
As far as you know, we are living in time of integration, cooperating between the business with foreign counterparts is usual, which requires a convenient way to bind them together and logging in online solves that issue, ultimately expanding the business network, increasing work productivity.  
  
However, there are certain disadvantages. It will take an amount of time for users to get familiar with the web tools used for organizing thier meetings. But that is just the tip of the iceberg. In process of using, mistakes or lag even prevents us from working efficiently. Beside those, attendants are easily distracted by stuff outside like fb or listening to music simultaneously. Noone can stop it and the meeting comes to be useless.  
  
In general, everything in life has two sides, not except for online work, the important is how we prepare and be ready for any situation happening. So i think we will get the best value for the online tools if using it wisely.
Mai, the issue is not about online tools. It is about online business meetings. Your reference to business tools creates a different discussion from the original prompt known as a prompt deviation. As such, your essay will lose the chance to get a passing score based on proper discussion protocols in place for the IELTS Essay 2 test. Your paragraphs are very little developed. Presenting only reference points for discussion but not really developing a supporting statement for the reference. This will fail the C&C section scoring section of the test as well. Then there is the problem with your GRA. Your sentences are mostly improperly developed, structurally faulty, and will not pass as a sentence developed by a well trained ESL writer. For example, you cannot say: "As far as you know" because you do not have any idea what that person really knows. You can however, refer to "As far as I know" because you know the extent of your knowledge on a particular issue. Overall, the essay did not properly discuss whether or not online meetings outweigh the disadvantages. That is because you limited the actual discussion point to one line in the 4th paragraph. The whole essay is misinformed and does not properly educate the reader. Thus, this essay cannot gain a passing score in an actual test setting.  
  
I am basing my observations on the partial prompt instruction that you gave. I cannot comment further due to lack of instructions coming from the original prompt. Please provide the full prompt in the text box the next time you post an essay with us. That way you can get correct, accurate, advice and not just advice based on a partial prompt rendition. Partial prompt advice could lead you down the wrong path instead of helping you improve your essay work in the right manner. That is why I am limiting my advice to only what you posted as the partial prompt instruction. This is not to be taken as full advice for the actual, full prompt requirements since you failed to post that in the essay text box. The prompt should never be used as the title of the essay either. That is how you end up providing only partial or wrong prompt requirements. So I am taking this essay at face value and giving you the same advice.
Hi reviewers, thank you in advance for reviewing my essay. I am preparing for IELTS GT exam and the following essay is for Writing task 2. I have 3 weeks to prepare, and if you can provide a review as per TA ( Task Achievement), CC ( Coherence and Cohesion ), Lexical Resources/ Vocabulary (LR) and Grammer (GR), that will help me to focus on the weakest area. If not, any suggestions/ comments are welcome.  
  
**Subject - The use of cell phones has grown rapidly in the past few years. People use them for both business and personal reasons. What are the advantages and disadvantages of the widespread use of cell phones? Give your reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.**  
  
## Advantages and disadvantages of mobile phones

  
  
The use of cellular phones has grown exponentially in the recent years, and people utilize mobile phones for work and personal reasons. One of the biggest advantages of the mobile phone is communication has become easier and people are always reachable by their phones. Although too much of usage of the phone has affected in-person communication and traditional conversation.  
  
Mobile phones have changed communication drastically, now people are always connected, therefore they can interact with another person at any time and anywhere. In the era of landlines, people have to be at one location to interact with a person who is not physically available at same location. But using the cellular phone, you can go around the globe and as long as if you get the network, you can talk to your distant families, friends, and colleagues at any time. For instance, working remotely or working offshore has become more common in the IT field. This allows people to stay focus at home and take care of household chores as well as getting touch with work colleague whenever they are needed.  
  
In person communication and traditional conversation have been affected due to mobile usage. With aid of technology, using the mobile phone you can communicate as well as do many things like reading newspaper, listen to the audiobook, chat on the internet, browse social media, shop online and so on. Since mobile phone offers so many features, people are always occupied with their phones. For illustration, if you go to any party or big family get together, half of the visitors are checking their phones and they have forgotten the traditional in-person conversation.  
  
In conclusion, the mobile phone has taken communication to the next level but it has negatively impacted person to person communication.
Neha, opinion discussions in the opening statement is only acceptable in the direct question essay. Unfortunately, this essay that you wrote is not a direct question essay so the opening paragraph should have only been a presentation of the prompt overview / summary discussion along with the thesis restatement. The fact that the first paragraph does not represent a thesis statement already means that it will not get a passing score in the TA section.  
  
The rest of the essay suffers tremendously in the C&C section because you are moving from various topics such as landline and mobile internet usage when the actual topic for discussion is only about the use of mobile phones. These change of topics are prompt deviations which will cause a total failing score for your presentation. You need to focus only on the topic that was given (mobile phone use advantage and disadvantage) during the discussion because adding information that is not required changes the tone of discussion. It leads to a failing essay.  
  
All of your discussion points are not fully developed. These are only talking points and topic sentences. They are not fully developed discussions. If these were fully developed, you will be discussing only one topic per paragraph within the 3 paragraph allotment as I previously told you. You placed simple ideas, without appropriate explanations and examples into the paragraphs. It makes it confusing and hard to keep track of the discussion you are supposedly trying to present.  
  
At this point, I will refrain from scoring your essay for obvious reasons. If you cannot learn to focus on the topic for discussion in all the paragraphs, if you cannot understand how the proper discussion must be created based on prompt instructions, then you do not stand a chance of passing the test.
*I know that my essay is still really simple with the mistakes so I'm really thankful if you feed back me the suggestions.*  
  
## the disturbing discrepancy

  
  
Over the centuries, the world seems to be getting more unequal, not because of the authority's discipline imposing on human rights or others exaggerated roots, but the distance between the weath and the poor is being extended. Although lots of people nurture the belief that the consequences caused by this phenomenon could not be solved, there are various ways to restrict the gap' size as the solutions.  
  
First, the immense downsides of this problems should be exposured for the sake of considering the solutions to deal with. Fundamentally, it affects widely on the community, when people from different classes are not treated in the same way. If this phenomenon continues prolonging, the poor might form the unconfidence, the inferiority and, furthermore, the invisible barrier in integrating into society. In another aspect, this gap is threatening the development of one country's commerce and economy. For instance, people living in higher standard obviously demand the premium items with their purchasing power parity, however, the poor even deprive of abilities to afford the essential products for surviving, so it leads to the difficulties in producing the common items that available for the whole sciety.  
  
Therefore, it is crucial that people, especially the government should supply the solutions to diminish the distance, in order to cut down the problems it triggered. Yet opinion polls suggest that the social activities could maintain the connection among people and change their perception also. As a result, the poor with the more optimistic mind could integrate more easily and the rich would have the willing to be more sympathetic with others. On the other hand, the effort in producing the stuffs with high quality but reasonable cost is plausible to be considered by the government.  
  
In conclusion, it is true that the gap between the rich and the poor is extremely disturbing due to its myriad consequences, However, there are still couple of justifiable solutions that need the co-operation between the whole society and the authority to be implemented.
Hi, it is important that you include the complete prompt along with your essay. That is the only way we can determine if you have properly addresed the topic. I found this prompt online that I am pretty sure appllies to your essay:  
  
*The gap between the rich and the poor is becoming wider; the rich are becoming richer, and the poor are getting even poorer. What problems can the situation cause? What can be done to reduce this gap?*  
  
I think you have addressed this prompt pretty accurately, but your essay is not very clearly written and there are a lot of confusing sentences. Your solutions paragraph is especially unclear. I get that the government should produce cheap, high quality goods, but how would that be done? Wouldn't companies already be trying to do that? And your part about poor people trying to be optimistic just doesn't make sense to me. Here are some specific comments and suggestions:  
  
THE DISTURBING DISCREPANCY {I don't think titles are necessary or wanted for an IELTS essay}  
  
imposing on human rights or ... {"others exaggerated roots" does not make sense here }  
  
between the wealthy and the poor ... Although lots of people {I would avoid "lots of", there are many more options that sound more polished}  
  
consequences caused ... can not be solved, ... restrict the gap' size as the solutions. {the end of your sentence does not make sense - as the solutions what?}  
  
downsides of this problem should be exposed for the sake of ... to deal with it.  
  
Fundamentally, it affects widely on ... {"affects on" is incorrect}  
  
phenomenon continues ~~prolonging~~, the poor might lose their confidence, the inferiority ... into society. {the last part of this sentence just doesn't make much sense}  
  
the development of various countries' commerce and economy.  
  
For instance, people living at a higher standard  
  
with their purchasing power parity,{this phrase is unclear to me}  
  
however, the poor are even deprived of the ability to afford the essential products for survival, so it leads ... for the whole society. {It is unclear why the poor would make it difficult to produce common items}  
  
solutions to diminish the distance between economic classes, in order ... it has triggered.  
  
... suggest that the social activities {what social activities? this is unclear to me} could maintain ...  
  
effort in producing the stuffs {"stuffs" or "stuff" sounds odd, I would avoid it}  
  
there are still a couple of ... and the authorities to be implemented.
## E-Books vs. Paper Books

  
  
Because of the new invention of this modern era, most people are considerably interested to download an e-book on their smart technologies such as phones and laptops since this kind of books is weigh less and much easier for people to hold by their hands. Due to the trend of people reading an e-books, There will be fewer people who buy a paper-book. Some people see this as a good step forward while others do not. Tis essay will explore the benefits and drawbacks of e-book trends.  
  
The first advantage of e-book trends is that people can easily handle several books on their phones. To clarify, people do not have to hold several paper-books which are heavier than holding just e-books on their phones. Moreover, publications do not have to cut a tree and make a thousand book to sell. All they needs is just to write a book on the computer and release it on the internet. As a result, this will help them save their times and money by selling an e-book.  
  
There are also several disadvantages of reading an e-book. Some group of people like the poor may not have a chance to receive this type of books due to the fact that they do not have sufficient money to buy the smart technologies, which use to download the books. Furthermore, reading e-books too much might have an effect on your eyes. Because of the light on the smart technologies, people may feel slightly dizzy or have the problem of their eye vision. Cleary, this type of books will have the effects for some groups of people.  
  
In conclusion, this trends will provide the conveniences for people and environmental friendly to the earth. Also, this trend will effect people's health and the poor who cannot afford for the books. after considering both sides of this question, I believe that the disadvantages of the rise of e-books outweigh the disadvantages. The compelling reasons why I feel there are more drawbacks on this is because reading an e-book will affect people's eyes vision and it is not unequal for the poor people. Additionally, I mostly feel that using two hands holding the books and opening each paper to continually read provide the real feeling of reading more than sliding to change pages on the screens.