dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Oil Production 1990-2010 statistics

  
  
The provided chart gives information concerning the production of oil in six different countries from 1990 to 2010.  
  
We can see that the general trend for the production of oil was to increase over the period. For example, Saudi Arabia - the largest producer - saw a significant growth from just over 8 millions barrel per day in 1990 to around 15 millions barrel per day in 2010.  
  
Other four countries (Iran, UAE, Iraq, and Kuwait) had a similiar trend where their oil production rose slightly and had reached roughly 4 millions barrels per day by 2010.  
  
However, Qatar - the smallest producer - appeared not to follow this trend. It relatively remained stable over the period, accounting for 1 million barrels per day in the final period despite its slight increase in 2000.  
  
Overall, all countries, except one witnessed an upward trend. Only in Qatar was the figure truly reversed.  
  
Please give me some advice regarding my writing. Thank you.  
  
*
Reinhardt, your sentence presentations do not follow the minimum 3 sentence requirement, which is why your essay automatically fell under the word count. Since it fell under the word count, the examiner will give you an automatic failing score. You must always provide 3--5 sentences in each paragraph in order to at least qualify for further content consideration since you fell under the minimum word count. That means you need to follow a certain format for each paragraph in order to properly meet the minimum scoring requirements. While some suggest the A+E+E approach to writing these task 1 essays, I prefer a more personalized method that goes like this:  
  
1. Summary overview. In this section, you can write at least 4 sentences based upon the following criteria: topic for discussion based on type of chart, reason for the discussion, measurements provided, basis of measurements, and discussion instruction. One sentence each, one complete paragraph for scoring.  
  
2. At this point, you will have to pick the discussion style that best suits the information you were provided. In this instance, I noticed that it there are chart indicators of similarities between 2 countries. So a comparative discussion would be better for the discussion as you can indicate how the countries have similar oil production capacities based on the yearly comparison.  
  
3. In this paragraph, you could have discussed Saudi Arabia and the reasons why it stands out in production. Since it has the highest ratings for production measurements, it stands to reason that it should have its own discussion presentation.  
  
You can actually score quite well with this essay based upon the 3 paragraph, comparative format I suggested above. You don't need a conclusion because that is optional and a trending statement is not required either because there is no clear trend in the manufacture of oil. those are 2 paragraphs not need needed to score well in this presentation type.
Hello,  
Here are some corrections,  
  
It is humble that I come into the world asking for help.**(Although I did not understand what you want to say)**  
  
I felt homeless  
I ended up at the shelter.  
I've been there for 4 months  
No family helps just me. **(The meaning is also vague)**  
Hospital in Cincinnati Ohio. **(Uppercase)**  
state board exams, but I
Aundra, I am not sure about how to help you with this essay because you have not given me any instructions for it. For instance, what scholarship or financial assistance program are you applying to? What are their requirements for this essay? I need to know what the main purpose for the essay is, as per the instructions of the institution you are applying to, what their requirements are, and how it is to be presented. That way I can review this extremely long and very ill formatted essay in a manner that will reflect the requirements that are required of you. There are a lot of things going against this essay. The first is, your pleading comes across as exaggerated. You need to be formal at all times in an essay such as this one. You also use caps lock to emphasize points. That is not really something that the reviewers appreciate when they read these essays. Simple discussions in proper upper and lower case formats are more accepted. Try to split up your essay into paragraphs. The way you have it written, it is not only difficult to read, but it is even harder to keep track of the discussions. I will wait for your instructions about how to write this essay then we can probably create a better version of it together.
**Do you agree or disagree that progress is always good? Use specific reasons  
and examples to support your answer.**  
  
Change is an inherent element of this world and development is one way to change. However, I disagree that unbiased progression is always pleasant. In this essay, I provide several reasons and examples of situations where moving forward is not always good.  
  
An advance in diseases is not welcomed. For example, in recent years the influenza virus has evolved and become more powerful. This progress means that more people are going to be infected. Therefore, healthcare systems should spend more budget on public health. As a result, instead of spending taxes on developing schools and education system, we have to put it on preventing a cold outbreak. Besides, such progression can also endanger elder population and infants lives too. Since their body defense system is either weak or not developed enough.  
  
Similarly, technological advances can also be unpleasant. Consider, for instance, the development of the Atomic bomb. This progress in science brought several casualties to human society. Not also it caused the death of millions of people in Japan, but also no one knows if it will be the cause of millions of death in the future. Another example of problems caused by this development in science is the incident happened in Chernobyl reactor. It supposed to bring inexpensive energy to the population but it only brought casualty and made the region uninhabitable. While people could use their old energy resources that nature presented to them.  
  
These examples of progress in human history convinced me to disagree with the statement that development is always good. Progress can burden taxpayers, endanger infant and senior citizens, and it might also stimulate loss of human's lives.  
  
[274]
Behzab did you provide the complete and original prompt for our consideration? Somehow, the prompt feels like it is a short version of the long original prompt. Always provide us with the long version of the original prompt because that is the best way that we can assess and assist you with the development of your writing skills. Right now, I can see that you have a good grasp of the topic provided for the discussion but you are not really well versed enough to realize the intricacies of the essay topic. That is why you made a crucial mistake in your second paragraph.  
  
You discussed the progression of an illness and how it affects people when what you should have been discussing is the benefit of progressive scientific discoveries in the pursuit of a cure for the illness. The illness is bad, the result of the progressive study about the virus, is good. So that is not the right example to use in this essay. You could have just used the third paragraph as your second paragraph and had a better result for your overall score.  
  
Remember, as long as you write a minimum of 4 paragraphs, properly developed and related to the discussion, you will receive a pretty decent overall score. When you write more with one paragraph misdirected, you adversely affect your final score as well. Always be careful and consider what the prompt is asking you really write about before you even begin to draft the essay.
@Holt Thanks a lot for your insights. About the prompt, yes it is exactly as it is in the ets book.  
In the second paragraph, Maybe I should have written: "A mutation in germs is not welcomed".  
My understanding from prompt was that "is progression a good thing in any situation?" This prompt seems kind of an abstract topic to me.  
I continue to make these better and as you said I will go for more paragraphs. If you have noticed I have a problem in agree/disagree prompts. That is why I have focusing on these kinds. Your comments about my other prompt were less concerned about my understanding of prompt. Thank you again.
Behzab, hi!  
  
1. Your introduction is good and well-presented.  
  
2. I feel that your first paragraph is not related to the prompt. I agree with Holt on this. The questions wants you to discuss on the drawbacks (if any) of the scientific or technological progress. One example I thought of might be a rapid development of internet and communication technologies. Advance in these areas made people prefer online chatting over live discussion and undermined the ability to express genuine emotions by replacing them with smiles and stickers. [this would be an example from a social standpoint].  
  
3. You third paragraph is great both from an idea and content perspective.  
  
4. In the conclusion, you should not introduce new ideas (which you did not) but the overall mood of the conclusion is too generalist. I would recommend to craft more based on your observations. Something like "As discussed in the essay, progress in certain areas/fields such as communications and warfare [not all] may have both positive and negative effects.'  
  
5. There are some grammatical errors and misspellings.  
  
6. Your essay in the present is a decent one. To make it even better, I recommend to learn using more complex subordinate structures (comparison, cause-consequence,contrast etc).  
  
Hope you find this helpful.
**Since people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language.  
  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.**  
  
## reason for learning a foreign language

  
  
In today's world, communication plays an important role in all aspects of our life, from having fun with friends to resolve the complex political matters, and it goes without saying that languages are the main tool to communicate. In regard, some people think it is not necessary to learn other languages unless we want to travel to its country. Other people disagree and believe there are other reasons involved. Both points of views will be discussed, plus my own opinion on the subject.  
  
On one hand, there are people who never used another language other than their native one. They fell that it is too much work to learn another language, because they never needed it. For example, my grandfather worked at a bank, all his life he only spoke and written in Farsi and also changes his smartphone language to his mother tongue. He never felt the need to learn another language.  
  
On the other hand, lots of people believe that in a world that we live now, there are no borders, there is a lot of opportunities for a person who can understand people from another side of the world. For example, one of my friends learned 3 languages in university, everybody thought she was weird, because who needs to know four different languages. Eventually, she got a job with high salary as a translator for an international company in Iran.  
  
Lastly, in my own opinion, I think our modern world, with the help of the internet that made us closer together, There a lot of information online. For instance, when I was doing my thesis and also when I want to work, all of my references are in English, even though I am in Iran, I need to know English to become successful.  
  
In conclusion, there are some people who have not needed other languages their whole life and are against in learning it. In contrast, a lot of people believe that in our world, it is impossible to be successful if one does not understand others. And I believe it is a must-have skill because there is a lot of information in each country that becomes accessible if you know their language.  
  
(367 Words)
You must never begin the discussion of the essay with a representation of information that is not located in the original prompt. The first paragraph is solely dedicated to the paraphrasing of the original prompt. This is the part of the essay that can make or break your score. If you properly represent the prompt requirements, without adding information not located in the original prompt, then you will get a higher score in the TA section. A high score in the TA section almost always means that you will at least get a passing score for the test. Be careful of your vocabulary usage. "Fell" instead of "Feel" means points deductions in the LR section. Good work on this essay though. I believe that it can gain a more than average passing score had this been an actual test. Your point deductions would have been minimal. Be careful with those points that I mentioned in your next practice test.
**The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
## The artificial production of carbon dioxide

  
  
The graph compares the production of carbon dioxide in average for each individual based on metric tonnes in four countries, namely, United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal from 1967 to 2007.  
  
The United Kingdom appears to have the most numbers, started from around 11 metric tonnes in 1967 and gradually decreased to just under 9 in 2007, however, remained as the most producer of CO2 gas till the end. After the UK, there is Sweden, which has the second biggest number, around 9 in 1967 with a sudden increase to its peak approximately in 1988 to around 10 and a rapid decrease till 2007 to around 5.  
  
The Italy started from Just well over 4 with a fast increase to around 8 in 1997 and remained steady till 2007. The Portugal has the lowest number of CO2 production in 1967 with only 1 metric tonnes per person on average, nevertheless, its figures grow quickly over the years to reach 5.  
  
Through the years, The UK stayed on top with the highest number and the Portugal, putting the quick increase aside, remained the lowest producer of CO2 till 2007 when they meet the Sweden in 5, who had a surprisingly decrease from around 8.  
  
(181 Words)  
  
*
Just\_writer, hi, there are some grammar mistakes and misspellings. I will address the core:  
  
1. Yous start well by paraphrasing the question. A small correction: "production of carbon dioxide in average **measured in metric tonnes per** each individual ~~based on metric tonnes~~ in four countries.  
  
2. I went through these IELTS tasks too. I would recommend to avoid making very long sentences, however appealing it may seem. It is hard to follow for the reader especially when there are references to numbers and years. Try to split them into several shorter sentences.  
  
3. You have a nice structure. The Overview is an absolute must for this type of WT1. Overview usually has one to three sentences, one of which has to be complex (comparison, subordinate etc.) Generally there are two options available: start with an overview or end with an overview. I see you preferred the last one. But the overview should provide general trends and observations with no reference to specific numbers and dates. So an overview in the last sentence may be more general. For example: "Overall, it is apparent that while in Italy and Portugal production of CO2 increased over the period, the UK and Sweden experienced a decrease in the amount of carbon dioxide emissions. The United Kingdom remained the country with the highest amount of CO2 produced per capita.  
  
4. I recommend to learn how to refer to numbers and indicators. I see you use "numbers" quite a lot. You could use amount, volume, rate etc or refer sometimes directly to the number (e.g. 8 metric tonnes per capita).  
  
Hope you find this useful. Thanks.
**Nowadays, there are many television advertisements aimed at children. What are the effects of these advertisements on children? Should TV advertisements be controlled?**  
  
## ***THE ADVERTISEMENTS EFFECT CHILDREN***

  
  
It is no doubt that nowadays there are many television advertisements focused on their children clients. While these advertisements lead to many harmful effects on children, I believe some of the advertisements should be controlled.  
  
There are many drawbacks of advertisements to children and influences them obviously. Firstly, most of the children spend amount of time to watch television which is their favorable leisure activity. At the same time, the advertisements pass invisible information and effects the sense of personal value to children. For example, many junk food companies put their product placements into the ads to attract children clients and cause unhealthy habits of diet to them. Secondly, the advertisements always play in the gap between different TV programs. When children are fascinated with those ads, they lose time for relaxing their eyes.  
  
Therefore, I believe some harmful advertisements which included appropriate information should be controlled to avoid the growing clamour of parents who worried about children's education. If it is difficult to reduce all of the ads, we can transfer them into more educational which includes some useful knowledge, not the more commercial type. On the other hand, I don't think we should dominate all TV advertisements, especially those more creative types. Most of them are designed by professional graphic designer and they have great interaction between children and ads. They can stimulate children's imagination and improve their aesthetics. Keeping these type of advertisements also remains the diversity in our TV programs.  
  
In conclusion, TV advertisements have numerous negative effects on children and we should choose some suitable types for them to reduce harmful affect and keep the diverse TV programs simultaneously.  
  
Please feel free to comment my writing and give me a score.  
Thank you.
Hi Ester,  
  
I have noticed that there're some grammatical mistakes in your essay. For instance, *Firstly, most of the children**spend amount of time to watch** television*, it should be ... *watching* instead of *to watch*. Therefore, I believe some harmful advertisements which included appropriate information- tense of verb  
  
And I think you should provide clearer thesis statement, it's quite general.  
Plus, in the second paragraph, your ideas weren't clear at all.  
Lastly, contraction and personal pronouns should be avoided in formal writing, so don't use [b]don't[b/], or we...  
  
Maybe it's around 5 or 5.5  
  
Best regards, ^^
Lo, your official score for this essay will be only a 5 because of the inconsistencies of your task achievement. Your sentences are not very clear because you do not fully explain your ideas in the paragraphs. It is almost as if you just think of something that applies, you stick it into the paragraph, then move on. You are focusing more on your vocabulary presentation instead of clarity in your presentation. The only way for you to score properly in this type of test is if you manage to take one idea, present it at the start of the paragraph, then develop a clear explanation, without adding new information, within the paragraph. You can present a related example if you want, but you have to make sure that you use only simple sentences for now to make sure that the stress on the reader will be reduced because you are a long way from becoming fluent in the written English language. I am going to refrain from making any more comments on your essay based upon the other scoring criteria. For now, I want you to focus on how you discuss your paragraphs first. Even if it is not in perfect English, you can still manage to create simple discussions. Do not try to discuss more than one reason per essay because that is what is preventing you from properly discussing the essay.
Hello,  
Here are some corrections,  
  
them to reduce the harmful effect  
clamor  
spend the amount of time to watch television**,** which is their favorite leisure  
  
And I think you can separate paragraphs better, you can start each paragraph with ...  
From one hand, ...., on the other hand  
From one side, ...., on another side  
Firstly, ..., Secondly, ..., Lastly
## transformations at West Park Secondary school

  
  
The maps illustrate the transformation of areas surrounding West Park Secondary school in a 60-year period.  
Overall, school area was enlarged main while playground was contracted in the same period. In addition, big chances were witnessed in other fractures including houses, car park, farmland, science block and sports field.  
  
As was shown in the maps, main road which is next to school was not change in period surveyed. In contrast, house was replaced with car park and science with similar size. School to the right of the houses was extended in 1980 and was remained through 30 years later.  
  
In 1980, sports field was constructed right on the site where the farmland used to be. However, Car park increased in size and took whole area of old sports field in 2010. Subsequently, a part of playground which was in the right bottom was corner was used to built a new sports field. Therefore, there was a decline in terms of size of the playground.  
  
*
Tran, the overview summary is meant to help you write a better essay. It is there so that you can properly outline the illustrations provided, which then allow you to develop a better discussion for your analysis. If you look at what you wrote in the opening summary, you are lacking most of the important information for outlining in the essay. What is missing? Let me list it down for you:  
  
1. You misidentified the drawings as maps. These are actually illustrations.  
2. Aside from saying "over a 60 year period", you must indicate the years included in the illustrations.  
3. You also need to indicate what you will be doing in the essay (comparisons, discussions, explanations, etc.) so that the purpose of the diagram will become known to the reader who does not have access to the information you were provided.  
  
4. Your trending information is using the wrong English vocabulary which made the presentation hard to understand. (chances = changes, contracted = constructed, fractures = infrastructures)  
  
You need to understand that you cannot just throw information into your analytical essay without making clear what years you are referencing and how it interrelates across the given years. I think the better format for your essay paragraphs would have been:  
  
1. Summary overview and trending paragraph  
2. Describe the school in 1950, prepare a transition sentence going into 1980.  
3. Discuss the school in 1980, prepare the reader with a lead in sentence going into 2010.  
4. Explain the changes in 2010  
  
That makes the presentation clearer and easier to understand because it follows a chronological order of presentation for the reader to follow.