dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The trending paragraph should be simpler in presentation. It should not a total report paragraph unto itself as is presented here. A trend is measurement specific. Pick the highs and lows of the most notable part of the listing. The last sentence was really unnecessary in this case. Do not overdo it because that tends to cut into the actual reporting paragraphs already. Use up to 2 sentences for the trend. The blending of the summary overview + trending consideration certainly helped to make that paragraph stronger and fall within a higher preliminary scoring bracket.  
  
The rest of the report needs to use a uniform data presentation. Either present it as fractional, or present it as specific percentages. Always go with what the image actually presents. In this case, use percentages. Where actual measurements are not indicated, fractional assumptions may be effectively used.
***Topic: A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research.**  
  
## Write a PARAGRAPH to give your opinion on the FIRST view

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Ongoing perceptional development since then antiquity brings in-depth intelligence to humans, which facilitates industrialism and civilization to become more sophisticated and convenient; however, in individual opinions, overthinking and strong empathy in animals is a darkside of human revolution. Standing at the top of the food chain, definitely, animals do not have the commensurate right as humans; hence, homo sapiens could manipulate species for several merits. Furthermore, maintaining biodiversity and ensuring not putting specific species on the threshold of extinction. A prevailing example is producing honey from pollen, which is consisted of archaic therapy, moreover, supposedly, the bee is in a prosperous life by human conservation.
Wow! A dictionary exploded all over this statement. It is like the student decided to look up word descriptors online to use and then, decided to use those words without regard for the relevance of the word choices to the discussion. He disregarded the applicability of the word meaning in relation to the target audience. The total paragraph lacks an academic clarity expected of a high school or college level learner. The writer did not come up with a coherent nor logical explanation for his opinion presentation. It is confusing to read because the writer targeted word usage rather than a proper, clear, and understandable opinion presentation.  
  
He should not be trying to write such a complex paragraph as of yet. He should keep it simple in terms of word choice and usage. He should also remember that each paragraph or essay written is meant for a target audience who may not appreciate the use of advanced vocabulary words that are not applicable to the people reading the paper. In this case, who was he writing for? The word choice was neither specific to a given profession nor meant for the easy understanding of a lay person. This is a badly developed paragraph because of the word choices used in the opinion presentation.
## the demand for tea and coffee and people's drinking habits

  
  
The given chart provides information regarding the outcomes of a survey about Sydney's Melbourne's Brisbane's, Adelaide's, and Hobart's residents' tea and coffee purchasing and drinking habits over a four-week period.  
  
Overall, whereas the largest proportion of people preferred to go to a coffee shop for coffee or tea with the exception of Adelaide, where buying instant coffee was more popular, the least favored to buy fresh coffee.  
  
In terms of having a coffee or tea in a café, while Hobart and Melbourne had the highest proportions, almost the same, at nearly 63%, Adelaide had the lowest percentage, where purchasing instant coffee was relatively more preferable. Furthermore, the figure of Brisbane and Sydney varied between 62% and 55%.  
  
Focusing on buying instant coffee, whereas it made up the highest proportions in Hobart followed by Brisbane, at around 1% variance, it ranged from 50% to 45% for the remaining three cities, of which Sydney had the lowest contribution, reaching almost 46%.  
  
Buying fresh coffee had the least popularity if compared to the other two habits. While, it was most popular in Sydney followed by Melbourne and then Hobart with around 44%, 42%, and 37%, respectively, it had lowest preference in Brisbane and Adelaide, at approximately similar level of 34%.
The summary overview does not identify the type of image nor the number of images. The listing of cities in Australia within the sentence does not follow the correct enumeration format. There is a wrong and excessive use of proprietarial apostrophe's in the enumeration where only only apostrophe is required. The writer also failed to correctly use commas as enumeration separators in the same paragraph. the run-on sentence presentation will be the final reason that the summary overview will receive a failing preliminary score.  
  
The writer is using the word "whereas" in this presentation. It is neither used as a conjunction or as a noun, which are the only correct ways to do it. So the writer has shown that he has knowledge of elementary English words, but not how to use it properly. Rather than adding clarity to the trend, it created confusion instead.  
  
Comma usage throughout the essay reduces the clarity of the sentence ideas and explanations. It seems to be the only punctuation mark, aside from a period, that the writer knows how to use. The sentences are neither complex, simple, nor compund because of the punctuation usage problem. This cannot be marked as a passing score task.
Hi, I am learning IELTS, I come here to improve my writing skill which I have been painfully poor. thanks for helping.  
  
## THE WRITING IELTS TASK 2- THE ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES

  
  
***Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of being famous.***  
  
We live in an age when the shiny lights from the professional digital cameras are too bright and the celebrities become more popular. There is an opinion that being famous can give a lot of advantages while others hold a different viewpoint about this matter. In my opinion, although there are some advantages to being a star, this career can affect a lot of people's lives.  
  
On the one hand, there are a lot of benefits of being famous. Firstly, the relationships of stars will be prone to disaster because we all know that numerous influencers do not have time for their family and friends. This leads to them having a toxic environment and fake friends. What is more, this career can be paid unwanted attention such as anti fan criticising or stalkers and paparazzi who can follow you everywhere which make you feel annoyed and violate privacy. Additionally, there are also many depressions of being famous, because of a heavy schedule and intense work. The celebrities have to be perfect all the time to create a good public image and they eventually have to compete with others for the spotlight. Everyday, influencers have to face a lot of problems. That is why everyone asserts that showbiz is so dramatic and complicated.  
  
On the other hand, being famous also provides some advantages. In specific, normal people can easily turn into the rich when they are superstars. Moreover, they become stunning with flashy clothing, they can go to different places of interest and so on. Furthermore, the celebrities have the special treatment, they can earn a lot of loves from fan and live with protected life.  
  
In conclusion, although there are plentiful positive aspects that come with being famous individual. One can not overlook the major drawbacks that come with it.
The opening sentence would have better served the presentation had it been used as the introduction to the personal opinion instead. It would not have been seen by the examiner as a mispositioned personal opinion in the paragraph. Being incorrectly presented means it will result in a deduction in terms of task accuracy since the writer's opinion cannot be merged with the original topic restatement. That aspect should remain pure, without any added or unnecessary information influencing it based on the writer's opinion or wish to create a flowery opening statement. The restatement should be adherent to the original presentation topic. Having read the writer's opinion, I know that the sentence I refer to would have helped increased the accuracy score of the essay had the sentence been located there instead. By the way, the writer spoke of the advantage in his opinion but forgot to introduce a disadvantage topic. That means he did not completely refer to the guide questions. As such, the restatement + opinion paragraph will not get complete scoring points.  
  
Try not to use the phrase "and so on" when discussing any topic. It does not mean anything and refers only to the writer's laziness to properly close a sentence or paragraph. The disadvantage discussion is not well developed. It lacks the same writing elements as the previous paragraph. It could have been better written had the writer paid attention to actually developing that paragraph based on the score increasing potential it had.
## summarise the information from the table

  
  
The table compares the amount of 3 different vegetables (potatoes, cabbage and onions) produced in 5 different countries in 2012. Overall, the initial impression is that potatoes are the only product that all five examined nations grew. It can also be seen that China was the largest producer of such vegetables.  
  
In 2012, the quantity of potatoes produced in China was 9214 Mt, which was the highest figure of all countries and more 100 times higher than that of the second highest Ireland (72Mt). Meanwhile, there was a small number of potatoes manufactured in Spain and Brazil, at 2Mt and 3Mt respectively. In terms of Cabbage, the difference can be seen as the second largest manufacturer - Russia produced only roughly 300 Mt fewer than China, 2765 compared to 3187. Additionally, this vegetable was not favored in Brazil with 0 Mt produced.  
  
When it comes to Onions, the similar allocation could be seen as China still occupied the first position in onion production, with the figure at over 2600 Mt. Next in ranking was Russia with an average of 2039 Mt manufactured. In contrast, there was very few onions grown in Ireland and Spain. While the former only accounted for 5 Mt, there was no onions produced in the latter.  
  
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The trending statement is overextended. There needs to be only one trend presented since the amount of potatoes produced by China should factor into the comaparative analysis paragraph that relates to the vegetables produced by China. There should also be 3 reporting paragraphs since there are 3 vegetables meant for averaging in the report. One vegetable per paragraph, 5 countries analyzed in every paragraph. Do not merge the discussion for the vegetables in the same paragraph. It creates confusion for the reader, resulting in difficulty following the paragraph discussion. The presentation becomes awkward and lacks authority in its statement due to the lack of coherent discussion sentences. Keep the focus on one item at a time and compare these between the 5 countries. That way the paragraph does not lose its subject focus.
## Many people find it hard to balance their work with other parts of their lives.

  
***What are the reasons for this? How can this problem be overcome?***  
  
It is observed that several laborers are struggling to achieve the work-life balance. The high volume of work as well as the promotion of materialism could be contributing factors to this phenomenon. However, it can be tackled by such measures as the enactment of laws and shrewder financial plans.  
  
To commence with, the aforementioned problem can be attributed to two reasons. One of them is the increasing number of tasks in the workplace. Since employees, in this day and age, tend to assume a heavy workload, it appears necessary to work overtime to accomplish the assigned duty, which, in the process, culminates in their reduction of time allocated into other activities. Another explanation is people pursuing materialism. To be more specific, many individuals are intrinsically inclined to acquire more material possession as a way to stay on equal footing to their friends or colleagues, resulting in their forgoing time to work harder to accumulate wealth.  
  
Nonetheless, the issue could be mitigated by some viable solutions. A key of them is that national governing bodies introduce laws regulating the frequency of working overtime in every firm. For instance, any business extending their operating time over the limited days in a week have to pay the monetary fine. Additionally, each individual should build up their own shrewder financial plan. As a plethora of laborers opt for working overtime to earn a fortune due to the shortage of money, a detailed list of expenses appears efficacious now that it helps workers manage their expenditure suitably, reducing their demand to work extended hours.  
  
In conclusion, the growing demands in workplace and materialistic pursuits could be the genuine cataclysms to the misbalance between work and other life aspects. However, the issue could be resolved by the laws introduced by the government coupled with personal suitable plan of spending.
The essay is heavily reliant on word and phrase fillers to meet the word count. These are what made the essay go over 300 words without actually adding any context to the presentation, thus not being useful in increasing the possible scoring considerations for the essay. Avoiding the use of these fillers and replacing these with actual connecting words, phrases, and transitions sentences would help the writer improve his writing style.  
  
Unfamiliarity with English descriptive words has resulted in incorrect word usage for the writer. The word "laborer" cannot be used to replace the word "people". A laborer is sometimes used to refer to all workers in general. However, it is profession specific as it relates to a person engaged in work that requires bodily strength rather than skill or training. So this is not the correct synonym for "people". The same general reference indicator should be used. It should not alter the specific reference from the original prompt.
## energy capacity in 2015 and 2040

  
  
Hi, I am working on my writing skill. I would be appreciated if you can spare your time checking my writing below, and if possible, giving it an approximate band score (based on IELTS marking criteria).  
  
The pie charts illustrate the distribution of five major sources in the overall energy capacity in 2015 and give predictions for 2040. Units are measured in gigawatts (GW).  
  
It is readily apparent that fossil fuels were the dominant source of energy in the past while solar power was the least used. However, it aims to have wider use of clean energy in future times, with the total projected capacity almost doubling.  
  
In 2015, the proportion of fossil fuels constituted approximately two-thirds of the total amount of energy produced, being the most common source of power. By contrast, three primary renewable types of energy (solar, nuclear and wind) only made up 13% altogether, with solar power being the lowest (2%) and nuclear power the highest (6%).  
  
Concerning the changes, although the figure for fossil fuel might drop by 20% in 2040, it remains the most significant, as opposed to the possible increase in the percentages of wind and solar energy to 12% and 18% respectively. Nevertheless, it appears that other renewables and nuclear power may experience slight falls by between 1 and 2 percent  
  
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While the word count is impressive, the lack of proper sentence structuring and sentence type representation will hold back the GRA score for the essay. The summary overview needs better information separation for the pie charts as well. Individualize the reference image per function to achieve summary clarity. Make the same reference when doing the report analysis so that the reader will know which image is being analyzed within the paragraph. These referencing methods are required to meet the C+C requirements of the task.  
  
The reporting paragraphs require more thought separation. There is an overuse of commas in relation to the thought presentations. In a task 1 essay, reporting clarity is achieved through the use of the one idea per sentence policy. The idea being that by the use of independent thought sentences, a coherent and cohesive paragraph can be achieved. The normal paragraph format is anywhere between 3-5 sentences.
***Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.***  
  
## Do you agree or disagree?

  
  
Processed food products are high-content sugar for its preservation out of microbial species, which causes a significant number of health issues. Some people argue this type of product should be limited by putting high prices so that people could consume less sugar. In my view, I firmly disagree with this statement.  
  
Increasing the price of sugary products may harm society. Firstly, this type of activity would put more pressure on the sugary industry and other businesses. This would reduce the earnings of the market, and as a result, some companies would diminish their employees, raising the unemployed rate. Furthermore, sugary products were not the only factor leading to health issues. If sugary foods change at a higher price, people should also change their eating habits to other types of products like fast food, and high-content salt products, all of which could lead to bad health if consumed too much. Therefore, increasing the price of sugary products might lead to an economic crisis and should not be seen as a suitable way to decrease health problems.  
  
In contrast, sugary products provide benefits to society. Most of the factories in the sugary industry require significant human resources. This would increase job vacancies, help the unemployed and improve the standard of living. Additionally, due to the low price, inhabitants with lower income could maintain their living expenses, and save more money for affording higher priorities, such as paying tuition pee or rental accommodation monthly. Sugary products would lead to health problems, but if people appropriately use these products, for example dividing smaller portions, they might eventually achieve a healthy balanced life. Thus, sugary products could improve the quality of society.  
  
In conclusion, I disagree with the concept of making higher prices for sugary products to lower health problems. This type of activity would not only lower the health issues of society but also could lead to an economic crisis
Try to limit your writing to 300 words. That will allow ample time for proper editing and finalization of content within the essay prior to submission. These 2 steps are important to accomplish during the test because doing so will allow the writer to increase the scoring potential of his presentation. The clearer the meaning, more proper the word usage, the better the final outcome of the essay will be. For example, the first sentence of the prompt restatement + personal opinion paragraph is confusing. What does "preservation out of microbial species" have to do with the discussion. Where is the reference to such a thing in the original? This has altered the basis of discussion and thus, changed the discussion topic foundation of the rewrite. That means the original thought representation is no longer adherent to the accuracy requirements of the discussion.  
  
Reviewing the writing instruction is also important when it comes to developing the writer's opinion. The response to the question must also be applicable to the discussion format as indicated. It is important to understand the difference between an extent essay and an ordinary discussion essay. "To what extent" may be responded to with "I firmly believe" as it refers to an emotional or measured opinion response. Such a response is not required when asked a simple question: Do you agree or disagree? The response format is partly correct. It should not have had an emotional / measured response included in the response reference.  
  
Include the short form of the personal opinion basis at the end of the restatement. It will help complete the thesis paragraph representation as required by the scoring criteria. Without it, the reader lacks a proper summary reference or overview of the upcoming discussion paragraphs. By strengthening the first paragraph, the writer will ensure that the essay's overall score will be a passing one, even as other deductions might apply to relevant sections.  
  
Word usage is a bit of an issue in this writing. The writer tends to overemphasize his writing using words that do not apply to the discussion. Do not be afraid to use simple words in the essay. Simplicity in word usage will mean less possibility of LR deductions and an increase scoring potential in the C+C section.  
  
These observations aside, the essay has the potential to get a moderately high passing score since it checks the box for most of the scoring requirements, specially in the single opinion defense part. It is an essay that is developed well enough to pass. Even the sentence structure errors can be overlooked since the presentation is understandable for the most part. The writer made an effort to include as many sentence types as possible in the presentation.
## adapting to the culture of the host country and learning it without knowing the local language?

  
  
Many people believe that "When in Rome, do as the Romans do" means that visitors should respect and integrate into the mores of host nations. While I agree with this view, I partly disagree with the opinion that learning the language is unnecessary to understand the culture.  
  
It is clear that every country has its own specific traditions and customs that new arrivals should appreciate and follow. First, integration helps travelers avoid some embarrassing misbehaviors as well as increases sentiments of local hospitality. For instance, tipping is not customary in Japan. In fact, it might be considered rude and insulting in some situations. This case is similar to hands-waving in Greek and pigeons feeding in Singapore. Another reason why they should be well equipped with cultural knowledge is to broaden their horizons and global mindset, which paves the way for further experiences.  
  
On the other hand, visitors can simply comprehend the essence of a culture to a certain limit without learning its dialect. Meanwhile, they can obtain an in-depth knowledge of that civilization if they have a solid language understanding. This is because cultural features have been accumulated and evolved as time goes by, it is implausible to decipher fully without knowing the language to either communicate with habitants or search for more detailed information. Hence, language is the key to any perception.  
  
All things considered, while I hold a belief that visitors should have a sense of appreciation and respectability towards the culture of where they are visiting, a basic understanding of the language is crucial for any cultural study.