dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Causes and Solutions of Animal Extinction

  
  
**Question  
The animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land and in sea. What are the reasons and solutions?**  
  
**Essay**  
As people's exploitation of not only land and water but also their animals are now in the alarming rate, the diversity loss is becoming a global problem. Accordingly, this activity should be banned by the government by establishing spaceless residence, wildlife subject, and deterrent punishment.  
  
The variety of animals in the environment has been reducing because their habitat is destructed by humans for the settlement purpose. To illustrate, people massively cut trees in the forest to provide the space and resource for building houses which then kills many kinds of animals as they lose their place and food sources. This problem is also worsened by the fact that many extinct, wild animals are hunted uncontrollably for the commercial utilization, such as in Africa, where 95% of the black rhino population has been exterminated by poachers for their horns.  
  
An alternative approach that can be introduced to solve the aforementioned problem is doing activities without harming nature, likes building vertical houses that can reduce the housing area needed. In addition, the authority should campaign the importance of animal conservation by integrating it into the school curriculum and making it the most frequent topic in the mass media. Besides, imposing a punishment for people who irresponsibly destroy both the environment and creatures, ranging from fining to prison, is imperative in order to bring a deterrent effect.  
  
All in all, by reducing the space for residents and promoting the urgency of the environment as well as making a policy, human irresponsible activities, such as deforestation and illegal hunting, that may kill animal species can be controlled and reduced.
~~The~~ A variety of  
for ~~the~~ settlement purposes  
the forests  
provide ~~the~~ spaces and resources  
lose their places  
~~the~~ commercial utilizations  
the authorit~~y~~ies  
~~the~~ mass media  
  
Still a good essay but you had problems with using "the" as I corrected for you. You should have a quick revision about when using "the" in a sentence.
## consumer awareness about food

  
  
**Question  
Most people are not interested in how their food has been produced. They care about how much it costs. How true is the statement? What influences people when they buy food?**  
  
**Essay**  
In spite of the fact that some customers put the price as the primary consideration before consuming particular food, I believe that a majority of people put more concern on how healthy it is cooked. Apart from that, appearance and nutrition are two factors attracting people's appetite for food.  
  
There seems a mindset growing that the more expensive the meal is, the higher its quality will be causing the reasonable price becomes some people's concern. In fact, however, there is no strong correlation between the price and quality of food. Taking some restaurants in Indonesia as examples, various brands of fast food which contains much preservation, additive, and unhealthy ingredients often offers higher cost than those selling fresh food. Accordingly, instead of only relying on the price, it is more common to cross-check the sanitation of food processing before deciding to purchase it.  
  
Moreover, people tend to value some meal according to its appearance and nutrition fact. To illustrate, the condition of soft bread, blood-red meet, and fragrant apples indicates foods hygiene, origin, and freshness, and then influence consumers' preference, regardless of the actual process they have passed through. Besides, since many people are either health conscious or in a diet program, they often research how much vitamin, fat, mineral, and other nutrition that food contains to check whether it is well-matched with their calorie needs. Accordingly, not only does the outside condition, but the inside one also plays an important role in influencing people's desire for food.  
  
To sum up, instead of paying much attention to how much money should be spent on a sort of food, generally, people's focus on how it is processed and served as well as its nutritional status outweighs it. Moreover, it appears that in future this trend will remain the same considering that more people are becoming more aware of their fitness rather than the financial condition.
please evaluate my essay! thank you very much!  
  
## Ielts Writing task 2: colour

  
  
Topic: Psycologists have known for many years that colour can affect how people feel. so attention should be given to colour schemes when decorating places such as offices and hospitals. How true is this statement? How far does colour influence people's health and capacity for work?  
  
Answer :  
Nowadays, colour plays such a huge role in our emotional lives, from our living places to social contexts. this essay will discuss the colour affections out side of domestic lives, particularly in places such as offices and hospitals.  
  
From my business perspective, people have been aware of the impact of colour on employees and customers. Some of the most successful companies like Facebook or Google are famous with the relaxed shades offices where the decorations in every contexts are suitable for innovative and effective atmosphere. If employees worked in an office that has too many and inapropriate colours or patterns on the walls, they would hardly pay attention and then make their work unproductive. Additionally, visitors and customers may be too curious with the colours surroundings them to focus on what they are looking for. As the result, an creative and efficient colours' place would be ideal work contexts for everyone.  
  
Similarly, hospital colours codes are also conducted strictly to enhance patient's health. Bright colours would be less acceptable on a hospital ward, where patients are trying to recover from operations and sickness. In fact, relaxing colours are decorated such as pastels in order to create a cozy peaceful and energetic room for resting. On the other hand, children's room in hospital areas are likely to need some forms of entertainment; a wall that have nice pictures and posters in oranges and bright red. Also, doctors and nurses might prefer brighter surroundings when they take a break from work.  
  
In conclusion, colours have a direct link to our feelings and It is vital to design our surrounding lives that the occupants could be able to have their best.
I can instantly spot some major grammatical errors in your writing. Could you please get your essay checked first before uploading? I recommend grammarly, where you can check these sneaky bugs for free: essayscam.org/forum/gt/grammarly-anti-plagiarism-checker-finding-previously-4995/  
  
I will following discuss my view on how to do this topic right, and you can see that your key ideas wasn't answering the questions.  
  
The topic asks us two questions How true is "...attention should be given to colour schemes...", and How far... So, what we need to do is state and explain the effect of colors to the performance of hospitals and offices. Since it is impossible to write each paragraph to answer each question, you made a good choice: one paragraph for hospitals and one for offices.  
  
But, right in the topic sentence, you are suppose to give your general idea, for example: It is true that we must be carefully with color schemes in the workplace. You can see that your 1st paragraph doesn't have a quality topic sentence.  
  
Similarly, your second paragraph doesn't give the needed answer.  
Your conclusion doesn't do a great job in summarizing your ideas in body paragraph nor in restating your answer to the questions. The opening also did not five any information except your plan.  
  
I suggest the following remedies for your essay, and also your writing(I believe that your writing quality will improve a lot if you take my advice seriously):  
  
+ consult with grammarly to check grammatical errors for free before uploading your work  
+ Know what is the big ideas and where to state them:  
In the opening, you must give a general answer to the questions. Your plan ("t(consider capitalizing this t)his essay will ..") is optional.  
In the ending, you'd be better off summarizing your ideas + answering the question. For example: Color design has a a strong correlation to the performance of organizations such as companies and hospitals, and we surely should pay due attention to this factor. (See how I repeat companies and hospitals to make the ending sound relevant. Don't oversee this!)  
  
In the body paragraphs, pay more attention to your topic sentences: Directly answer the questions: Is it true and if it is, to what extreme?.  
  
My try: For an office, it is true that options of color schemes should be considered thoroughly because poor choices, while might not drive the company out of business, can prevent the organization from reaching its highest potential.  
  
Similarly, colors in a hospital, though may not decisively affect the conditions of patients and the performance of medical staff, can still have indirect effects to the recovering process and the service quality.  
  
I hope my answer can help.
Ken, whatever you do, never use Grammarly for checking your grammar in the essays. It steals your essay and information which means you lose the rights to the essay that you just wrote. That is a very bad idea. Rather, read more English grammar rule books and do more grammar exercises. Both are available online as apps and neither will steal your essay information which might prove to be a problem for you in the future.  
  
In reality, your essay is not bad at all. It can easily gain you a passing score at the very least because your discussion for the most part is clear and within the requirements of the prompt. You also show a clear idea of public understanding about the effects of color in the workplace and in a health care setting. That is fantastic because you allowed yourself to show how well read you are when it comes to current events and pop culture. That will definitely help in increasing your TA score.  
  
The main problem I have with your writing is that in the opening paraphrase, you failed to answer the direct question regarding how true the statement is. However, you did good work in explaining that the essay will be about how the colors affect people in the workplace and recuperating places like hospitals. While this paragraph is missing one set of responses to the direct questions, you also neglected to provide the minimum 3 sentence format as the minimum requirement for the task 2 essay. You are also lacking the proper summary conclusion of the discussion since you left the essay open ended with a single sentence presentation. Aim to score better with at least 3 sentences so that you can show your English grammar and vocabulary skills to the examiner.  
  
Overall, you have the potential to score at least a 5.5 - 6 with this type of writing. Which is a very good start for you.
*Leaders and directors in an organisation are normally older people. Some people think younger leader would be better. Do you agree or disagree?*  
  
## the age of leaders

  
  
It is true that today the leadership roles are prevalently held by senior staff members in many organizations. While some argue that young employees should be promoted instead, I believe that the old are more cut out for managerial jobs.  
  
An indisputable reason for the outstanding competence of old people is their enriched experience. In a company, those who have many years of service under their belt often understand the organization and its business the most. They know what are the traps in the business and how not to fail, and such understanding is vital to the survival of a company. Young members, on the other hand, are not only new to the job but also are usually regarded as risk-takers. This is to say, there are chances that a young leader can drive the company out of business with some of his bold, half-baked ideas.  
  
Another advantage of seniority is the ability to win others' approval, which plays the pivotal role in the success of a leader. Most of the time when an old man raises his voice, people would pay their undivided attention, and this is hardly achievable if the speaker has only a few years of working experience. Young people, on their way to leadership, must dedicate tremendous amounts of energy and time making contributions to prove their worthiness, so that people can trust and give them full support.  
  
In conclusion, I hold the view that young people should be promoted with consideration. In long run, it is more sensible to hold the aged members in charge of leadership.
Nguyen, this is a highly insightful essay that I believe is very much on point to getting at least a 6 overall score. The reason why this essay did not get a 6.6, in my opinion is because you did not appropriately respond to the question given in the original prompt within your paraphrase. You must also respond to the question given using the word choice for response originally given. In this essay, the word choice response is agree or disagree. There is no question about what you believe therefore, you response statement should have been:  
  
*I disagree with the opinion that youthful leaders could be more beneficial to a business due to several factors.*  
  
You need to refer to the original discussion in your thesis paraphrase by using the keyword from the original question. That shows a clear understanding of the given instruction and a degree of analysis provided based on the existing discussion topic. It will be sure to drive your TA score higher.  
  
Your reasoning paragraphs are sound and logical. Those are very well written and presented paragraphs of the complex nature which are sure to increase the GRA score of your essay along with the C&C requirements. Your LR may also score well since you obviously have a clear understanding of English words, its meaning and how to use it in a sentence.  
  
One mistake in your essay though, your concluding summary did not really pass the summary presentation. It lacks a presentation of the prompt, your opinion, and your reasons in summary form with an accompanying closing sentence. That is at least 4 sentences in total that could have further increased your TA score.
Thank you for your help!  
  
## nitrogen oxide emitted from London's vehicles

  
  
The chart illustrates the proportion of nitrogen oxide (NOx) exhausted by six kinds of vehicles in London in the year of 2020.  
  
To start with, it is obvious that bus is predicted to occupy the highest percentage with 32%, and it will be followed by car( 21%) and taxi( 20%). NOx will be produced by van and lorry with 14% and 12% respectively. Finally, motorbike will only account for 1%.  
  
Looking at the data in more detail, these six vehicles can be divided into three types, including public transportation vehicles( bus and taxi), personal vehicles( car and motorbike), and cargo vehicles( van and lorry). NOx is expected to be mostly exhausted by public transportation with 52% in total, then cargo vehicles with 32%. Personal vehicles will contribute the smallest proportion with 22%.  
  
With all things considered, bus will produce most NOx and motorbike will record the least in London in 2020.  
  
*
Huang, with only 1 word written over the minimum word requirement for this essay, I cannot say that you have fully utilized your scoring potential based on the scoring brackets. Writing too little means you are not well versed in the use of the English language or you lack the analytical skills to properly write this essay. Writing too many words indicates that you are trying to score higher based solely on your LR skills rather than your TA ability in relation to the remaining scoring brackets. Either way, what I can see with this essay is a writer who is too nervous to try and write a maximum of 175 words for better scoring consideration.  
  
Your summary overview is incomplete. It also misrepresents the periodic table name for Nitrogen Oxide in the presentation. The reader should first be informed that NOx is the symbol for Nitrogen Oxide in scientific discussions. You also should have indicted what type of image was provided, how the measurements were done and what vehicles were involved. For example, I would have written this as:  
  
*A pie chart that shows the division of Nitrogen Oxide in London based on 6 types of vehicles has been provided. The measurement, which was done in percentages shows the amount of emission for the bus, taxi, motorbike, car, van, and lorry transport systems. Throughout the analysis, the scientific symbol for Nitrogen Oxide, NOx was used and will be used as the reference name in this analysis report. The trend shows that the bus has the highest emission capacity of the 6 transport types.*  
  
You are writing run-on sentences. Each paragraph of this 4 paragraph essay needs to be completed using a minimum of 3 sentences with a maximum of 5 sentences for C&C and GRA purposes. You will score quite low in those sections because of your jumbled presentation. I am afraid that your score will not be very good for this presentation because you have not done enough and written it properly to get a better scoring consideration.
**Hello! Please give me some advice to improve my writing skills, thank you so much !**  
  
**Task 2:  
## People in the community can buy cheaper products nowadays.

  
Do advantages outweigh disadvantages?**  
  
It is true that consumers could purchase goods at lower cost. While some people hold the opinion that there are various benefits to buyers when they use the low - priced products, others argue that the affordable commodities have their downsides and drawbacks.  
  
It leaves no doubt that buying products at lower prices are able to have substantially beneficial to purchasers, which grants them more spending choices. With the affordable commodities, people can enjoy choosing diverse types of goods, which suit their budget. Therefore, people seem to be satisfied with items that have both reasonable costs and different categories. For example, various smartphone or computer bands are just lower than 10 million dongs, therefore, either affluent or low-income customer possess one.  
  
On the other hand, I strongly believe that having more disadvantages for consumers when people advocate the idea of buying cheaper products. First and foremost, numerous manufacturers use unsafe ingredients to put away, which may put health's customers in danger. Especially, for example, the fast - food in street Vietnam be often used food insecurities such as moldy or dirty materials to make foods causing digestive disorder or food poisoning. Furthermore, to electronic devices such as computers and telephones, products of low-cost may bring about short-shelf life and inferior quality. As a result of this, people sometimes have to waste money on repairing them or purchase the new one.  
  
Opinions vary on acquiring affordable goods in this day and age. Despite reasons for the good sides of making purchase products at cheaper prices, it seems to me the disadvantages are greater.
Hi, I might have some corrections for you.  
  
1. The grammar correction for this sentence "... prices has **substantial benefit** for purchasers.  
  
'Substantially' is an adverb and 'beneficial' is an adjective. They don't work together. You need a noun preceded by adjective.  
  
2. I don't think the example you provided in the first paragraph works with the previous explanation. You explained that cheaper price of goods provides the advantage of being able to purchase different types of goods for buyer. But you used the example that says everyone can afford smartphone.  
  
3. I have tried to rewrite the third paragraph as shown below  
... believe that there are more disadvantages for consumers within the idea of buying cheaper products. Firstly, numerous manufacturers use unsafe materials in their products, which may put customers in jeopardy. For example, the fast-foods in Vietnam street often serves inedible foods made by spoiled or unhygienic ingredients and results in customers experiencing digestive disease or food poisoning. Furthermore, there are manufacturers of electronic devices such as computers and telephones that uses low-cost materials and produces fragile products. As a result, people sometimes have to waste money to keep repairing them or ...  
  
Hope it helps.
Ngyuen, this is a single opinion essay. It is not a comparison essay discussion. A comparison essay discussion always has the instruction: Discuss both points of view and give your opinion. This is a single opinion essay because the instruction is asking you discuss whether the given statement has more advantages than disadvantages. You are being asked for a personal opinion. Your job in this essay is to support one point of view. Therefore the discussion sentence should be indicative of whether you think there are more advantages or disadvantages. Your thesis statement should have been:  
  
*Based on several considerations, I believe that there are more disadvantages to the given scenario.*  
  
The more proper and better scoring paraphrase for the opening presentation would have been:  
  
*As more and more people can buy cheaper products these days, a discussion has arisen regarding its advantages and disadvantages. The question for consideration has become whether or not the advantages of this purchasing ability are far greater than its disadvantages. I believe that this buying capacity has more disadvantages than advantages. My reasons for this belief are to be found in the succeeding presentation.*  
  
After that, you should have 2 succeeding reasoning paragraphs that support your given statement, without creating a comparison discussion. The kick-off should be:  
  
*The main reason I view this situation as a disadvantage is because....  
  
The other reason I have to support my opinion is that....  
  
In the end, the reasons I have offered support the fact that...*  
  
The overall format for your discussion is misguided. Therefore, you will only be scored for the part of the essay that supports the disadvantages. The rest of the essay that reasons out in support will be disregarded in the scoring process.
first day at school and they aske me to write this ....  
  
**Memoir - writing sample  
1 think of something memorable that change your life significantly.  
2 write One paragraph memoir to explain how or why it changed your life.  
3 remember to use correct paragraph form :**  
a) topic sentence  
B) 3 PPas  
c)concluding sentence  
  
There are a whole host of reasons why people decide to move to another country. Living overseas can offer new opportunities, new lifestyles, new careers, and a new direction. I could relate to all of those people who moved to a new country to explore more about themselves and to explore more opportunities as well. I, along with my family, moved to Canada a few years ago. It was not easy for us to leave everything behind and head towards a fresh new start, but it was definitively the best thing that happened to us, because now we can build an all-new lifestyle. It feels like home now and we all are on our track to achieve our goal. I am currently going to an adult learning centre and planning to go to a University. At the end, people move from one place to another to explore more opportunities, yet it takes a lot effort and sacrifice to stand firm and make moves, but I could not have imagined a better living and better education anywhere else in the world than Canada.
@babi130294  
Hello, I would like to give some feedback to your essay.  
  
1. I think it's more effective if it's rewritten like this:  
"... about themselves as well as more opportunities"  
  
2. This part could be changed like this. I feel like using 'even though'/'although' would better convey your point about the advantage of moving to Canada even though it's difficult at first.  
  
**"In the end, people ... opportunities. Even though it takes a lot effort ... moves, ~~but~~ I could not have imagined ..."**