dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**The Power of Introverts - Susan Cain**  
  
workplaces, schools, and other institutions are designed for introverted people. It encourages outgoing, rowdy and gregarious. By contract, being solitude, loneliness and privacy are what introverts want. Often people have the stereotype that introverts are solitary and unsociable. Therefore, they force to be more attractive and involve on outgoing activities.  
  
Interesting research by Adam school has found that introverted leaders often deliver better outcomes than introverts. Because when they are managing and proactive, involve people to decision-making process and ascertain that every single people in an organization are the essential part. Introverted leader equips ideas and give more space for their co-worker to bubble up an idea. We have a great introverted leader who had proved that they could be inspired people by being introverts such as Gandhi, Abraham Lincoln, and etc.
Hi Fatirtalent..  
Let me give you some advice..  
  
w orkplaces, schools, and other ...  
By ~~contract~~contrast , being solitude, loneliness ...  
  
Because when they are managing ~~and~~to proactive, involve people ~~to~~in decision-making process ...  
Introverted leader equips ideas and ~~give~~gives more space for ...  
  
Good Job.  
I hope it could be useful
**TED Summary - The Power of Introverts - Susan Cain**  
  
hi fati^^  
  
let me give you some advises for your summary  
  
to begin with the summary : you can start write >>> according to the speaker..., based on the video..., the speaker notice....  
  
>>> you can write there are three important points/ places which mention introvert person : workplaces, schools, (...) designed for introvert~~ed~~ people. And It encourages outgoing, rowdy and gregarious.  
  
... and privacy are a very enjoyable things that introverts expect~~what introverts want.~~~~Often~~usually people who have the stereotype of~~that~~ introverts are solitary and unsociable.  
  
hope it helps  
keep writing ^,^
The microscopic organism on the earth ,contain only few genetic materials, is known as Bacteria. they are single cell with special property and few genes that together can encode all of the traits to be herritaged and expressed. they can conducted complex biological mechanism including replication, respiration, and other complicated live process by them self. These metabolic systems can be done by transforming the genes into genetic information. They play important roles to human being such as, digest food,produce vitamin, and even the educate our immune systems to recognize the dangerous bacteria and keep them out of our body. moreover, they can defend and restrain human body from danger-threatening disease. 99% part of human anatomy is contained by them and seems like invisible body armor which shield our body from something dangerous. even so, they also have many bad impacts for us.according to Bonnie Bassler, An American molecular biologist, she astonished most of the disease-relating humans is predominantly caused by bacteria. the way to infect and penetrate human body is not by solitary bacteria but rather communal bacteria. The big question is how they can regulate their social live ?. the preliminary hypothesis is they communicate through chemical language. this circumstance had been examined by sampling ocean bacteria named Vibrio fischery, illuminating bacteria, which can produce and regulate the light (bioluminiscence) whether in solitary or live together.
Hello  
You have a good summary  
I have some corrections  
  
~~they~~ They are single cell with ...  
~~they~~ They can conducted complex biological mechanism ~~including~~ which are replication...  
~~They play important roles~~ They became a vital role to human being ~~such as~~ which are, digest food, ...  
~~moreover~~ In addition, they can defend ...  
~~even so~~ Although, they also have many bad ...  
~~according~~ According to Bonnie Bassler, An American ...  
~~the~~ Next, the way to infect and penetrate human ...  
*The big question is how they can regulate their social live ?*. the preliminary hypothesis is ...  
~~this~~ This circumstance had been examined ...  
  
You can added an introduction in the first paragraph.  
You can explain more spesific in the three last sentences.
Helo ivan,  
You have done great but let me give you some advice  
  
... the earth contain only (a ) few genetic materials, is (had ) known as Bacteria.They are (a) single cell with (...) all of the traits to be ~~heritaged~~ (inherited) and expressed(They are a single cell with special property and genes that combine into trait code and then will be inherited and expressed.  
  
They play important roles to (the) human being (...), and ~~even the~~educate (this word sounds little bit strange, you may use another word like trigger, push, thrive etc) our immune systems to recognize the dangerous bacteria (if you use "and" you have to use equivalent word and cannot give explanation only for one word like you did for immune system, you can make any sentence to explain it) ==>Immune system has responsibility tokeep (fight ) dangerous out of our body. moreover, they can defend and restrain human body from danger-threatening disease (you have explained before, chose the sentence, which one you wanna use). 99% part of (the ) human anatomy is contained by them and seems like invisible body armor which shield our body from something dangerous (you have explained before, you can summarize three sentences above into one sentence clearly ).  
  
... can regulate their social live (life ) ?.  
... ocean bacteria named Vibrio fischery (typo fishery ), illuminating bacteria, which ...  
  
Good Luck :)  
Best regards, Tami
The microscopic organism on the earth ,contain ...  
=> The microscopic organism on the earth that contains only few genetic materials is known as Bacteria  
  
genes that together can encode all of ...  
=> genes that work together to encode all of the traits to be heritage and expressed  
  
they can conducted complex biological mechanism ...  
=> they can conduct a complex biological mechanism including replication, respiration, and other complex live process by themselves.  
  
...such as, digest food,produce vitamin, and even the ...  
=> such as, digesting food,producing vitamin, and even remaining our immune systems to recognize the dangerous bacteria and keeping them out of our body.
**Research has shown that overeating is as harmful as smoking. Therefore, the advertising of certain food products should be banned in the same way as the advertising of cigarettes is banned. Do you agree or disagree?.**  
  
Food have played a essential role in the mankind for thousand years. In the 21st century,some people believe that some kind of food should be limited as the limitation of cigarettes and tobaccos they did before,due to the negative impact to the community. In my private opinion, I completely agree with this view.  
  
Firstly, the food, which have high cholesterol and unnatural chemicals, such as fast food and junk food, are damaging seriously to the human 's health. There are over 1000 of patients, who have problem with obesity, have been added in the world every year and this signal will increse more quickly in next several years, following a research of WHO in 2014. The most crucial reason is they have abused KFC or MC Donald for a long time, instead of using more healthy products. That thing explain why we should control and carry out advertisements of some certain products.  
  
Secondly, If the congress create laws to limit the society using too much the unhealthy food, it will make a big change in the human 's behavior in eating by using more traditional product with high nutritional value. In fact, in Canada, 80% of junk food companies are taxed with the same level of tobacco by the government and they are not allowed to advertise in any means of communications. As a result, the activities in producing and using some kind of unhealthy food will be controlled.  
  
In conclusion, because of the disadvantage of some certain food product, particularly junk food, It should be limited in the public with the most powerful solutions.  
  
can somebody tell me how score did i get in 4 criteria of IELTS and which is the biggest false to make my score go down seriously :  
  
-task achievement  
-coherence and cohesion  
-lexical resource  
-grammartical range and accuracy  
=> overall  
Thank you ^^
Hello hoangduc  
i have some advice to you, please pay attention if you wish  
  
Food have played a(n) essential role in the mankind  
**.....using *article* for vowal word, you should use *an***  
  
some people believe that some kind(s) of food  
**.....some=plural, so you should write kind with *s***  
some kind of food should be limited as the limitation of cigarettes and tobaccos (conj) they did before  
**....pattern of a sentence is s+v+(obj)+conj+s+v  
some kind of food= subject  
should be limited= verb  
the limitation of cigarettes and tobaccos= object  
they= subject  
did= verb  
so, you should use *conjunction* before subject (they)**
Hi Hoang, as much as I want to provide or rate your essay according to IELTS standard, I will not be able to as here on EF,we are not licensed to rate according to IELTS, however, as I review your essay, I must say you've covered all the basics of the IELTS standard, you started strong in your introduction, you made your point in the succeeding paragraphs and you made sure that there is a logical sequence of your ideas.  
  
However, as much as I like how the essay is strategically written, the concluding part did not really play as strong as the previous ones. Having said that, below are my thoughts and I hope it helps in your revision.  
  
- In conclusion, because of the disadvantage of some certain food product, particularly junk food, It should be limited ~~in~~to the public for public consumption,~~with the most~~ powerful solutions such as media involvement and advertising healthier options will help the public learn more and make wiser decision on what they will and they want to eat .  
  
There you have it Hoang, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and for future writing reference, be more specific with your reasons, enumerate and elaborate ideas if you can.
Hi Hoang, no worries at all we are here to share with you what we know and our expertise in order for you to be more confident in submitting your essay and in the process giving you that extra strength to your essay.  
  
Moreover, we advice that aside from answering prompts that definitely hones your writing skills, I personally suggest that you develop different writing techniques in order to give not only a variety to your writing but also a different substance that will enhance and develop your writing skills.  
  
Overall, you can go ahead and experiment in your writing, learn from other writers, do a competitive comparison and most importantly, write as much as you can as well as read a lot, this will not only help you know and learn more about new words and how they are used in a sentence, this will greatly help you in coming up with an even stronger article.
The bar chart below gives information about the number of students studying computer science at a UK university between 2010 and 2011  
  
The bar chart presents the number of students studying computer science at the university in Britain from 2010 to 2012. Overall, it can be seen that there are two kinds of students: British home students and International students. British home students dominated quantity of computer science students in the UK for three years in both of females and males.  
  
Between 2010 and 2012, British's home female students had the highest number in 2012 at 45 percent while the lowest number in 2010 around 30 percent. In the opposite, International students had dramatically lower than native students. Females who were studying abroad increased steadily from less than 15 percent (2010) to 20 percent (2012).  
  
In 2011, British male home students had the lowest proportion. By 2012, the number of male students came from British country had increased from less than 25 percent in 2011 to the highest proportion at approximately 43 percent. On the other hand, International male students climbed from 20 percent in 2010 to nearly 40 percent in 2012.  
  
*
Hallo Fauzi..  
i have come corrections for your writing..  
  
... computer science at ~~a~~ UK university between 2010 and 2011  
  
The bar chart presents the number of students studying computer science at the university in Britain from 2010 to 2012  
avoid redudancy of sentence.  
This sentence same as introduction  
  
... of computer science students in ~~the~~ UK for three years in both ...  
pay attention when you want to use article  
  
reduce repetition of student : scholar  
  
Correct me if i'm wrong.  
  
Well done mate!
Hi Fauziyah, Here several inputs for your writing.  
  
The bar chart presents the number of students studying computer science ... *need to be more paraphrasing, because it is similar with the task**The bar graph illustrates the number of students taking computer science major at the university in Britain during a 3-year period from 2010 to 2012*  
  
Overall, it can be seen that there ~~are~~*were*two ~~kinds~~*types* of students~~:~~*consist of* British ~~home~~ students and International students. British ~~home~~ students dominated quantity of ...  
  
Good luck!
Hi Fauziyah.  
Let me help you to finalize your writing. Please, meet my note and deal with them.  
  
Overall, it can be seen that there are two kinds of students: British home students and International students  
*Actually, that is not an overview because you only tell information about difference of the bar. The overview is a summary of the information describing the general trend. I will give you an example of the overview.*  
  
OVERALL, IT CAN BE SEEN THAT THE NUMBER OF FOREIGN STUDENTS HAD INCREASED SIGNIFICANTLY AND IT HAD BEEN DOMINATED BY MALE.  
  
... while the lowest number in 2010 WAS around 30 percent.  
... International students had ~~dramatically~~ THE lower RATE than native students.  
... studying abroad HAD increased steadily from less ...  
  
... country had increased MARKEDLY from less than 25 (...) highest proportion ~~at~~ REPRESENTING AT approximately 43 percent.  
... International male students climbed CONSIDERABLY from 20 percent in 2010 ... (*to make it more clear, you are supposed to include verb with adverb)*  
  
Note: In the writing task 1, if you wanna the high score, you have to make comparisons amongst the figures. You cannot describe the data separately because our job is to compare them.  
  
I really believe you can improve your skill on condition that you wanna provide much time to practice again and again.  
Keep spirit.  
GOOD LUCK
Everyone presenting in TedTalk aims for one thing. Joseph Hamoud, the humanitiarian activist, said, they were there due to they believe we deserve the better world. The better world for all of us. Not for Denmark, Europe, or Asia. It is the sad story regarding who live far away from Europe. They are Syrian people.  
  
Joseph asked the audience deeply and very touching about freedom dan conscience. He told the story when 15 children of Syria were killed by the regime in 2011. Whereas the children are not a soldier. They did not write.  
  
Besides, when parents asked their children who were kidnapped by the regime to be returned, Syrian intelligence said they will make a new child for them.  
  
Until now, many civilian were killed because they wanted to get their rights. So, everyone must speak up regarding humanity issue in Syria. Yes, everyone.
Hello afdhel  
i have a twice advice to you, pay attention if you wish  
  
they were there due to they believe we deserve the better world.  
**.....they= subject  
.....were= verb  
.....there= adverb of place  
......due to= adj  
.....they= subject  
......believe=verb  
*there are 2 subjects and verbs. you shoud use a conj onto your sentence***  
  
The better world for all of us  
**.....there are no verb on your sentence**
Hi there,  
Let me share share some ideas regarding to your summary,  
  
I think you should vary your vocabularies in composing sentences. It can boost your mark. Let me show you some examples,  
  
-Hamoud, the humanitiarian activist, said, [...] from Europe. They are Syrian people.  
  
These sentences are not united so I give you this sentence as the example:  
  
-Homoud, the humanitarian, revealed he were there where everyone is reserved to live, then, He convinced that a convenient and safe places are not only for Denmark, Europe, or Asia. It also belongs to Syirian resident.
The night activity such as study for the exam, doing deadline assignment or just keep eyes on the screen become pivotal reasons to stay up for several people. The people who keen to stay up late are more likely attacked with some health problems. It's better if you just take a nap approximately 15 to 20 minutes in a day and change it in the night to awake. There are so many ways to stay up late with the healthy ways. William Kohler as the medical director of the Florida Sleep Institute said that the bright light has a connection with our eye. Thus, turn the light on is a good idea to keep you awake. Also, consuming snack can provide you to have some energy in the night, but only for a snack that contains low-fat ingredients. The other ways to healthy stay up to keeps your body moving. If you spend your time to work at the desk, get up and take a simple movement approximately 10 minutes to walk around. Come with those reasons, to keep awake in the night it's will be a healthy way as long as you doing it well.
Hello  
You have a good summary  
I have some corrections  
  
The night activity ~~such as~~ which are study for the ...  
The people who keen to stay up late ~~are more likely attacked with some health problems~~ can be attacked healthy problem.  
... a day and change ~~it~~ the activity in the night to awake. *There are so many ways to stay up late with the healthy ways*.  
  
~~Also,~~ Therefore, consuming snack can (...) but ~~only for a~~ it's a different the snack that ...  
**Although,**The other ways to healthy stay up ...  
  
You have to explain the type of way to stay up late more spesific.  
you can added the introduction in the first paragraph.
We are now building cities, bringing people out of the poverty, and changing climate as we understand that sustainability is from a nice-to-do to the a must-do. Every business should have positive impacts to the world.  
  
Firstly, a vast majority of people have cared about sustainable issues in the easy, affordable and attractive which it is relied on the company. From this basis, company and buyer can cooperate to create and consume the viable innovation products.  
  
The next swing raw materials which are based on recycle products must be used as our resources and then business people are independent on natural raw material which will reach the zero waste targets.  
  
The operations, furthermore, can be altered into natural energy such as solar panel that reduces a great deal of pollution in out ecosystem.  
Afterwards, it is about humanity. With no child labour, we apprehend to support better quality of children where we protect the right of children and improve their life. In addition, closing the gap of gender in which women should participate and we open the network for women is a great path to the decent future preventing poverty.  
  
If you are a business leader, you have think about what you should do to bear the sustainability system into your business model. If you are consumer, you must be discerning people who choose the products coming to this way as well. We are able to help create sustainable world
**Hii rizaldohabibie.. Here I give you some comments. Hope it can helps you.**  
  
We are now building cities('we are' means people. so, be careful to use the words) , bringing people out of the poverty, (...) is from a nice-to-do to **the a** must-do (Pay attention to the redundant words, in this sentence you have an extra article in this sentence. Consider deleting **the** or **a**) .  
  
... have positive impacts ~~to~~on(inappropriate colocation) the world.  
Suggestion sentence:  
==> In this cutting-edge era, climate change and poverty is the crucial issue that really needs to solve directly. Thus, this is our task to give the real positive actions such sustainable ways as well.  
  
Firstly, ...... , affordable and attractive which it is relied on the company . ==> to make it passive, your sentence should be: relies on the company or has relied on the company. Because the intransitive verb is an action verb that will not take an object.  
  
... which are based on ~~recycle~~recycling(after the preposition on is V+ing) products must be used ...  
  
.... energy such as A solar panel that reduces a great ...  
  
With no ~~child~~ children's labour, we apprehend to support A better quality of children ..  
  
If you are a business leader, you have TO think about what you ... If you are A consumer, you must be discerning people who choose the products coming to this way as well.  
  
==> pay attention for some word that really needs an article.  
  
I have a tendency to say that We are able to help create ...  
  
**Keep writing :)**
A new fashion of travelling which has become common for all layer of age is a trip that enjoy a different kind of travel: learning vacations. According to surveys, about thirty per cent of travellers each year choose learning programs to be their holiday purposes.  
  
This program includes, first, honing ability in the artistic endeavours with professional trainer supervising the tourists. Secondly, travellers can attempt to acquire the material of traditional cuisine from the myriad cultures. Next, travellers who go to Britain, they can enrol in courses at residential colleges that contain activities from intellectual to the performance such as photography and dancing.  
  
These are just a few example of the many types of learning vacation. This program must be more economical than the conventional vacations. Moreover, it will be really useful to enhance travellers' ability rather than just have fun in the traditional vacation.
Hi Rizaldo..  
Actually, your summary is a good job. However, let me finalize this.  
  
... common for all layer of age is a trip ~~that enjoy~~ ENJOYING*(You should conduct reducing here to make this variation)* a different kind  
Next, travellers who go to Britain~~, they~~ can enrol in courses at residential colleges ~~that contain~~ CONTAINING THE activities from ...  
These are just a few exampleS of the many ...  
This program ~~must~~ SHOULD be more economical than ...  
... ability rather than just ~~have~~ HAVING fun in the traditional vacation.  
  
Note: this is free of the macro errors grammatically. I only hope you can make yours more various. You can modify your word, using omitting or  
  
reducing.  
keep fighting  
GOOD LUCK
Communication has related with media and collective action. Nowadays, media gives more information about anything that human needed to do something. Media comes from several shapes that had been supported by internet, make easier in every particular areas, such as agriculture, commerce, education and another one.  
  
As the time goes by, media publishing cannot separate from printing press, a broadcasting station, a community or a market place, all of these things had evolution rapidly.  
  
The effect of this phenomena is "social dilemmas" , where people stuck in hard situation caused by range of possibilities that available on their situation.  
  
Furthermore, people should be able to find out their own way of their problem, they must be wise to come out from the effect of communication by media