dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## The best way to resolve international environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel

  
  
Many people argue that increasing the price of fuel is one of the most effective ways to protect the environment, while others think this solution is not necessary. I completely agree with this view.  
  
The rising price of fuel could demotivate the economy's development. When fuel's price is higher, factories have to pay more money for the manufacturing process. This means these factories would sell their products at higher prices to compensate for the gain of fuel's price. From that, customers find it costly and mitigate shopping activities. Many companies can face default risk and have no money to pay for taxes. As a result, the revenue of the government from taxes would be shrinking and would not be adequate to invest in education, infrastructure, and health care systems. The fluctuations in fuel prices are likely to have a devastating effect on the life of all residents.  
  
Apart from the practical disadvantages expressed above, It is true that raising the cost of fuel would bring numerous benefits to societies. Higher fuel's price means that people have to pay more money to commute to work, which limits the frequency of driving individual cars. Instead, people tend to use public transportation and take fewer flights for savings. These activities could help reduce gas emissions from factories and vehicles, which is the main cause of global warming.  
  
In conclusion, a thriving economy is necessary; however, we can not ignore the importance of the environment. I believe that imposing higher taxes on fuel can help prevent climate change.
The introduction paraphrase needs to be better presented. The discussion should be divided into at least 3 sentences. The use of the comma in this presentation is incorrect as the writer created a run-on presentation, which should be avoided in all academic paper presentations. The paraphrasing paragraph depicts the ability of the writer to explain what he understood of the original prompt in the clearest and most concise manner. The run-on presentation fails to accomplish that. Consider that an acadmeic paragraph needs at least 3, but no more than 5 sentences to accomplish this task and the writer should be clear as to why a run-on sentence is not going to be helpful to his TA and GRA scores. These observations are important and must be noted by the writer as this error removed the strong scoring poptential of his relevant opinion in the statement.  
  
The essay is underdeveloped because the second paragraph deviates from the supporting element requirement presentation for the writer's opionion. The essay is not asking the writer to justifify the benefits and drawback of the higher cost of petrol. Rather, it is asking the writer to justify the opinion that was presented by offering an economic and personal reason in relation to his agreement with the provided opinion. The economic aspect was an acceptable discussion but there was no expanded discussion or a related opinion in the second paragraph, a requirement for this type of essay presentation.  
  
As the essay is only partly correct in presentation, it will also receive a partial score based on the related discussion points. Anything irrelevant to the personal opinion will not be considered and will not recieve a score. Therefore, the writer may receive a low passing score for this essay. The prompt requirements must always be completely met, without any discussion alterations in the presentation, to receive full scoring considerations.
## the issue with zoos

  
  
**Task: Some people think that zoos are cruel and should be closed down. Others, however, believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals. Discuss both opinions and give your own.**  
  
**My essay:**  
  
Wildlife conservation is of great importance and zoos are one of the possible solutions to protect wild animals species from the threat of extinction. Some critics argue that the existence of zoos is not necessary because it is cruel to capture the living creatures in conservation areas. On the contrary, some strongly advocate zoos due to their contributions to the preservation of wildlife. In my opinion, I am reclined towards the latter notion and will clarify both points of view in this essay.  
  
It can be seen in zoos that many species are being mistreated. Due to the difficulties in adopting a totally new living environment, hundreds of endangered species are forced or even tortured to eat strange food. Then comes the death and even extinction of those animals. For example, Ba Be turtle, a threatened and endangered animal species in Vietnam, is inhibited their reproductive capacities, resulting in facing the brink of extinction. Therefore, governments should introduce legislation to restrict or ban zoos from being open to the public.  
  
To some extent, zoos can be useful in the process of animal preservation. First, the ecological diversity can be maintained in the areas keeping abundant categories of wild animal genes. Apparently, this is regarded as a contributing factor in reinstating biodiversity. It can be justified that primates such as apes or monkeys are prone to poaching and slaughter. So, zoos can relatively protect them from such anthropogenic harmful activities. In addition, governments can easily raise people's awareness by facilitating tourists to visit the animal conservation areas. In other words, the sense of wildlife conservation can be promoted to the public and at the same time, attracting anyone to contribute to the campaign of saving endangered animal species prior to their extinction. Annually, educational institutions, for instance, can organize wildlife trips for students to have deeper understandings of wildlife and its implications on our lives.  
  
In conclusion, threatened and endangered animals should be protected in zoos, though there are some mistreatments as a few exceptions. I, personally, opine that zoos are helpful in keeping wildlife diverse and will be a backbone in promoting wild animal protection if governments grant permission to be open to the public. (365 words)
When assessing how the essay should be written, the writer must consider the number of discussions as indicated in the discussion instruction of the paragraph. the writer must consider:  
  
- How many point of views are provided in the topic? (2)  
- How many discussion points are required by the discussion instruction? (3 individual paragraphs)  
  
The writer should be able to come up with the correct number of paragraphs based on the indicated considerations. In this case, there are 2 public opinions for consideration and one personal opinion to be presented. The writer quite possibly misconstrued the discussion points presentation format because of the "personal opinion" portion provided in the discussion instruction.  
  
The two public opinions must allow for a public reasoning consideration first, and a personal opinion second. The writer has to focus on explaining the validity of the publix point of view first, then assess it based upon his personal considerations of that viewpoint discussion. The fomat that the writer could follow is:  
  
Sentence 1: Public opinion topic sentence  
Sentence 2: Explanation of the basis of this opinion  
Sentence 3: Writer's personal assessment of the public opinion  
Sentence 4: Example to support his personal opinion  
Sentence 5: Additional supporting statement or transitions entence  
  
It is imoprtant that the writer display gramamr skills in relation to pronoun usage in this type of essay. Not only is that a scoring requirement, but it also helps to add to the advanced writing skills consideration of the writer. The point is, the writer should be able to display a proper comparative opinion based on a two sided discussion ion one paragraph. There was a lack of this vital presentation in the current discussion. The lack of proper formatting indicates that the essay is not based on the indicated reasons per public point of view, but only the writer's assessment of the discussion points.  
  
There is an irrevelant discussion point in the presentation. There is no instruction for the writer to provide a solution to any point of view presented. That is the reason why the essay is longer than it should be. In all honesty, the length of this essay cannot be completed within the 40 minute allottment. The fomat presented above will help the writer meet more than the word requirement and also, present a properly focused paragraph discussion, without any deviations. Deviations do not receive scores and are deducted from the word count.  
  
Word usage is also a problem for this writer who used the word reclined, rather than "inclined" in the presentation. If the writer is not sure of the meaning of a word, or, he just thinks that the word is what he wants to use, then he should refer to a dictionary to make sure as LR errors will add to the possibility of getting a failing score. The writer should do this while he is still doing practice tests as it can help to properly build his English vocabulary, a benefit during the actual test.
***IELTS Academic writing task 2:***  
## People choose to be self-employed

  
  
*Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization.  
Why might this be the case?  
What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?*  
  
In recent years, there is a common tendency of self-employment among those who are eager to establish their own companies. This essay will first analyze some major reasons and then point out distinct drawbacks of this growing trend.  
  
To begin, it is understandable why certain people refuse to work for a specific employer due to various notable benefits. First and foremost, a self-employed person tends to be obviously much more proactive in either work or financial management, such as salary to which potentially higher income can be attributed. Secondly, no longer being under pressure of loads of deadlines and extra working hours eventually bring these individuals a sense of comfort and better prospects of developing their ideas for upcoming projects. Accordingly, those aspects will somehow correspond directly to their efficiency at work.  
  
Despite such optimal consequences of being self-employed, there are several inevitably negative effects, one of which is low long-lasting success rates. To illustrate, getting engaged in occupations, such as freelancers or lawyers, requires them to be not only highly experienced but also well-qualified to manage to tackle unpredictable issues; otherwise, they are vulnerable to failure. Additionally, working independently also leads to an increasing amount of work to be done, in contrast with working in a group of people where there usually tends to be work-sharing and mutual cooperation among the colleagues.  
  
In conclusion, admittedly being self-employed might help boost distinctively individual development, but in order to have optimal long-lasting consequences, certain potential obstacles need to be solved carefully.
The prompt restatement was almost impressive. The presentation perfectly combined The prompt topic and reasoning response in a creative and relevant manner. All that was missing was the disadvantage response topic. The inclusion of that response would have created a highly relevant task response at a maximum scoring consideration. The writer should include all direct response topics next time.  
  
The reasoning paragraphs are relevant and portray simple, connected reasons from one topic to the next in the paragraph. The writer has done a good job in securing a highly rated C + C score. The problem, now lies in the conclusion.  
  
The conclusion forgot to restate the original topic first. It went to a direct summary of the question responses instead. So the reverse paraphrase has a lower TA accuracy when compared to the ffirst presentation.
## the choice to live alone

  
  
Nowadays, more and more people in different countries choose to live by themselves. While I agree that marriage and build a family are what most of people do in their entire life, I believe that the choice to live alone is a positive development.  
  
On the one hand, living alone has lots of financial benefits because you can use your money more comfortable and don't have to have responsibility to spend on children, marriage, wife or husband,... These benefits create opportunities for you to invest or save money and make you richer and richer. When living alone, you will have so much time to improve yourself in other fields like languages, art, music,... The less things you have to care about the more freedom you can reach in your whole life. In the age of overpopulation, lack of resources and people keep marrige, having children likes a programme but don't even understand its real meanings, the choice to live alone can decrease a lot of pressure for our social.  
  
However, there is a fact that humanity will end soon if all of people choose to live by themselves. Like any species on the world, when more and more people choose a lonely life, the rapidly decreasing of population can breaks the balance of nature and causes so many dangerous risks to not only humanity but also other species. Living alone without any pressure from feeding children and family can makes you lack of motivation to try your best in career and expose higher landmarks.  
  
In conclusion, the choice to live alone has its advantages and disadvantages. But in modern life, this trend is a variation which brings so much benefits not only for people who choose it but also the world. In my opinion, this is a possitive development of our social lifestyle and I believe it will be expanded in future.
The inclusion of marriage as a discussion reference point in the restatement paragraph has added a personal opinion in the improper place. The prompt paraphrase should not contain a personal opinion unrelated to the original topic. That should not be confused with a direct discussion topic response to a given question. Never start the discussion in the first paragraph.  
  
The writer is successively using 2 punctuation marks in the presentation. Punctuation macks are always used individually as every punctuation mark has a specific purpose in the sentence. 2 punctuation purposes, one after another, cannot be used in any paragraph presentation as it confuses the reader with regards to the purpose and sentiment of the sentence / paragraph and lowers the GRA score.  
  
The writer is not using the correct single opinion response either. The promptis not provided in a manner that requires a comparative presentation. When asked to choose using the word "Or" it is automatically a 2 supporting paragraph presentation. As such, the essay will not score well because the discussion is incomplete. Only the paragraph relevant to the presented opinion in the restatement will be scored. The high word countis useless in terms of scoring because it was irrelevant to the discussion and, did not recieve a score. Rather, its inclusion forced a scoring deduction.
## writing task 1 - australian population diversity

  
  
The graph below gives information about the percentage of people living in Australia who were born in Asia, the UK, and other regions.  
  
The line chart given illustrates the proportion of who were born on Asia, the UK, the other region and the total of people living in Australia from 1976 to 2011.  
  
Overall, it is clear that while the percentage of people who born in Asia and on the other witnessed an upward trend, there was a downward trend in the figure region mentioned. In addition, the figure for Asian people experienced the most noticeable change during the research period.  
  
Looking at the graph in more details, in 1976, the proportion of the total of people living in Australia registered about 23 percent, in comparison with approximately 14, 11, 3 percent of the UK, the other region and Asia respectively. During the 32- year starting from 1976, the figure foe Asia increased sharply to roughly 15 percent in 2011.  
  
Similarly, from 1991 to 2011 the figure for who born in the other also rose significantly after dropping remarkable in the lowest level in 1986. In contrast, the figure for British saw a rapid decline during the period of 35 years. Besides, in 25 years starting from 1976, the percentage of people living in Australia in total decreased slightly before growing considerably to about 25 percent in 2011  
  
*
The task 1 essay should not contain more than 200 words. This is a direct and simple report presentation. This length of writing would eat into the task 2 writing time. keep the task 1 essay concise at all times. The key instruction for this task is "summarize" so keep the paragraphs within a 60 word allotment to meet the instruction standard.  
  
The summary overview should be divided into at least 2 sentencer since there are 2 sets of summarized information to be presented. Seperate sentences are needed to create clarity freaks in the presentation paragraph. The second paragraph also qualifies as a run-on paragraph that would benefitfrom a better sentence structure and presentation.  
  
The writer did well in deciphering the information but needs to learn to write shorter essays with clear information seperation portions.
## immigration to metropolises

  
  
As the trend of mass immigration to metropolises continues, questions have been raised over whether cities really offer people more opportunities for a better life. While there are many grounds to believe that urban areas provide their citizens with various benefits, it can be equally argued that they also bring about several discomforts to those living there.  
  
On the one hand, it is undeniable that settlement in major cities is highly advantageous. The most notable merit is that there is ample job opportunity available in these regions. As metropolitan areas attract a diversity of businesses and industries, their residents are granted career chances in various fields suitable for their ability and ambition. As a result, they are more likely to develop in their chosen profession and achieve success. In addition, in terms of social life, it is apparent that urbanites can enjoy innumerable forms of entertainment and conveniences due to the up-to-date infrastructure as well as advanced technology available in central cities. Hence, they are able to unwind after a hefty day or given a moment away from the hustle and bustle of life. Thanks to those modern urban features, people can accomplish work-life balance and enjoy a fulfilling life.  
  
On the other hand, despite all arguments in favor of city life, there is a strong case being made regarding its downsides. First and foremost, while there are various opportunities for job hunting, it seems to be insufficient in comparison to the ever-increasing population of these places. For this reason, competition for a well-paid or favorable position in any career is becoming more challenging than before. As a consequence, many people here are prone to be stuck with a humble, nine-to-five dead-end job because there is little chance for them to get another job soon enough to afford their housing and cost of living. Moreover, the harsh reality of competition in cities hinders residents from taking a break or having some time off despite having been provided with multiple ways of entertainment. Therefore, it is no surprise that life in the metropolis tends to lead to stress and overpressure.  
  
By and large, while the advantages of living in cities are beyond doubt, one should also bear in mind the burden that comes along.
The essay is almost 400 words. A word count that cannot be presented within 40 minutes if writing within scoring requirements are considered. If the writer had reviewed the essay prompt, he would have seen that the presentation that was developed does not meet all of the prompt requirements The writing instruction needs to discuss the advantage and disadvantage of the topic.  
  
Nowhere in the original presentation was the writer asked to provide an opinion. By offering an opinion in 2 sections of the essay (prompt paraphrase and concluding paraphrase) the essay creates a partial discussion deviation that negatively affects the overall score. The A / D should have been discussed without the writer trying to influence the reader's decision as that was not part of the discussion instruction.
## studying arts and musical classes

  
  
It is a common belief that instead of being compulsory, art and music should become optional subjects. However, I firmly believe that these two subjects have its own benefits to be mandatory, especially on fostering creativity and escaping from pressure.  
  
To begin with, it is undeniable that studying arts and musical classes aid to cultivate students' imagination from an very early age. This is due to the fact that it provide learners opportunities to access aesthetic works throughout historical length, which expanding students' knowledge and way of thinking. In addition, activities such as drawing, singing, etc require creative brain. By repeating these actions, humans can, definitely, foster their inventiveness. Given in research conducted by professors in Cambridge University, they asked children in a primary school to take a test of creativity. Unsurprisingly, children who have paid more attention in art or music classes show a better sense of availability to deal with different situations.  
  
On top of that, making art and music classes obligatory creates more chances to students to relieve stress. After learning such intensive academic subjects, attending classes such as painting can be relaxing. This is because these activities do not force neurons to work overly, moreover, its ability in reducing pressure has been substantiated. As can be seen in therapy for patients with autism or psychological trauma, the treating for these patients often comprises of drawing or playing musical instruments on the ground that peaceful pictures or sounds can ease internal damage.  
  
In conclusion, if art and music classes are attended regularly, it can markedly demonstrates its essence in bolstering humans' imagination, eliminating negative thoughts too. All things considered, these types of classes should not be overlooked.
The essay is well developed and sticks to the discussion basis requirements for the most part. These essays are based on easily accessible information. Base the information on anything but aresearched data reference. There should not be any mention of information sources such as Cambridge University and the results of their research. Always present information like that in a manner that indicates common, rather than researched data. The reason behind that is simple, research cannot be completely verified in 40 minutes and, it changes the presentation requirements from a conversational opinion to a research based task, which is not a taska writing format.