dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Driving test pass rates

  
  
The chart shows the percentage of women and men in one Asian country who passed when they took their driving test between 1980 and 2010.  
  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.  
  
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.  
  
Below is my work, It would be great if you could take a look and give us some recommendations. Thank you so much for your time  
  
The bar chart compares the proportion of passing the driving test between male and female in one Asian country from 1980 to 2010.  
  
From 1980 to 2010, The rate of women passing the exam was higher than men. In 1980, the percentage of men who was succeed in their driving test was just under a third while women' rate was nearly half. Even though the proportion of both male and female increased through time (from 1980 to 2000), the rate of passing the driving test from women was much higher, particularly in 2000 accounting for almost 70 percent. In 2010, the successful rate of people passing the exam in two gender changed negatively. For instance, the rate of success from female diminished slightly about 2 or 3 percent while the male' rate stayed remain.  
  
In conclusion, through time, the trend of the percentage of taking the driving test successfully from male and female in this Asian country has positively increase, particularly in women.  
  
*
When writing the summary overview, you cannot use the same presentation pattern as the original. When you retain this much original wording and referencing style in your presentation, the examiner will consider this a cut and paste of the original and give the task accuracy of your summary paragraph a failing score. Make sure to change the presentation in totality, without retaining any keywords or presentation method from the original. Where the original has 1 sentence, use 3 sentences for your version. Change it up to score better.  
  
Good work on varying the trending statement position. Placing it at the end of the analytical paragraph shows that you have truly considered all of the information presented and used the data to come to a logical trending explanation.  
  
The presentation is a report analysis, not an opinion statement. Therefore, the conclusion is not needed. A conclusion is only required for opinion essay presentations. Do not mix up the essay formats, you will lose points for incorrect presentation formatting.
**IELTS WRITING TASK 2  
  
Constructive feedback from teachers, including deserved praise and specific suggestions, helps students learn, as well as develop positive self-esteem; to suggest the contrary can produce harmful effects.**  
  
## Discuss the statement and give your opinion.

  
  
Our education system has undergone a whole host of major changes with a view to improving it day by day. It is widely believed that constructive feedback assists students in their learning and generating self-worth, which means that criticism could have negative impacts. From my perspective, I would agree with the aforementioned point of view, as I believe constructive feedback does more good than harm to students and generates high self-esteem with its suggestions and praise.  
  
First of all, specific suggestions help students realize their shortcomings or mistakes, thereby assisting students to rectify the situation and make piecemeal changes in their way of learning. If a student had a go at correcting their own mistakes, there would be room for improvement in their education. Furthermore, deserved praise from teachers could give students faith in themselves as well as a strong belief in their good work. Consequently, students are likely to keep up with the good work and be spurred on to do better in the future. Still, teachers should remember to use positive comments moderately so as not to allow room for complacency.  
  
Secondly, as opposed to constructive feedback, criticism can pose a serious threat and have negative impacts on students. Research has proved that students tend to learn better when provided with constructive feedback rather than with criticism from their teachers. Since after receiving negative feedback, students would feel a sense of discouragement and not feel like trying hard anymore, which then could lead to poor performance and lower grades in school. While it is unarguable that criticism at times can harden a person and drive them to grow up, not all students can actually put up with being scolded or receiving something rather negative and can easily break into tears and give up.  
  
In conclusion, constructive feedback is beneficial to students as long as teachers use it moderately and also criticism should be avoided to minimize any possible harmful effects. In my opinion, teachers all over the world should make use of more constructive feedback in their teaching and give careful thought before providing students with negative feedback.
The writer tends to work in his personal opinions within the prompt restatement + personal opinion paragraphs. He appears to not realize that the discussion does not start in the first paragraph. It begins in the 2nd paragraph instead. Only a thesis statement that establishes his opinion topic is needed in the first paragraph to meet the task requirements. TA deductions will apply due to the errors in format presentation in the first paragraph.  
  
Additional deductions will apply to the same paragraph as the writer does not show a degree of English word knowledge that would allow him to use word alternatives in place of keywords. This is evidence of both cut and paste along with memorized word usage. Both are TA scoredowns.  
  
If a student had a go at correcting their own mistakes, there would be room for improvement in their education.  
There is an error in this statement as students cannot analyze their work for errors and as such, cannot provide themselves with room for learning or correcting themselves. Only teachers can help them achieve that.  
  
There are even more errors in this presentation that require private consultation for additional observations and suggestions for improvement .
## students and part time job

  
  
Knowledge is important, but experience and soft skills are an indispensable part, which you can only get when you work part-time.  
Learning must go hand in hand with practice for learning to be meaningful.And working part-time is your chance to apply it  
This will be much better than just learning theory without practice, I think it was a great way to earn extra cash quickly to help my family or pay tuition and gain soft skills through it.  
  
Na: So where will you go to work part-time when you don't have enough knowledge to enter the internship company. Working part-time at bars and restaurants won't help you develop the skills you'll need for your future job. Although restaurants and bars can't help you develop the skills you need for your career, it does give you life skills so you can handle life's situations more flexibly and intelligently.  
  
I do not deny your opinion. But I think, life skills you can learn in many places, not just working part-time at restaurants and bars. You can join clubs that help develop soft skills, expand good relationships for your future, and especially we can also learn life skills there.  
  
The most important thing is that the environment in the Club will also be much safer and healthier than in bars and restaurants.  
Parents or teachers are always ready to teach you necessary life skills.  
  
Thuong: Ok, I got it. Students can choose a suitable job to gain knowledge and practice it in their life. For example, a student majoring in English language can choose some job related to their major such as tutor, assistant teaching, translator. It helps to expand knowledge while gaining skills and experience.  
  
Na: Well, It sounds interesting. Students should consider carefully in choosing a part-time job so that it brings many benefits to themselves and the future.
I am not sure about what the point of this writing exercise is. Was it for a creative writing class? If so, then the opening setting should be more clear about that. It should describe the opinion of the persons involved rather than the writer's opinion about the topic. The set up has to clearly indicate who has taken what side of the discussion and why.  
  
It appears that this is supposed to be a scripted debate between 2 persons. One person asking for advice, while the other 2 have opposing views. The scene must be opened with a direct question posed by Thuong, who needs advice regarding his choices. The opposing view participants should then, deliver completely developed explanations and examples to convince Thuong that the current opinion is the correct one. However, both opinions only delve on the tip of the discussion, without actually informing Thuong of more considerable reasons that could help him come to a final decision on his own.  
  
The scripted presentation needs more work in terms of explanation and discussion clarity. The method of presentation is creative, but lacks in essence when considering the topics for discussion. The presentation leaves more questions than answers for anyone listening/reading the presentation. It lacks a proper set-up in terms of discussion applicability and relevance.
## CO2 emissions per person in the UK

  
  
The graph depicts the proportion of releasing carbon dioxide from each citizen among four nations over a period of 40 years  
  
Overall, we can observe that there was a significant upward trend in Italy and Portugal while as opposed, the UK and Sweden experienced a downward of CO2 emissions.  
  
Regards Italy, it started at over 4 metric tonnes at the beginning of the time but then slightly rosed to more than 6 metric tonnes in the next 10 years. Moreover, Italy constantly increased to 2 units in 1997 and maintained the same till the end which was nearly 8 metric tonnes. When we look at Portugal, the similarity was existing. At first, it was under 2 metric tonnes but then went up remarkably after four decades being peak of nearly 6 metric tonnes, three times more than beginning.  
  
In contrast, the UK and Sweden witnessed the opposite tendency. The UK was the highest contributor in releasing carbon dioxide reaching around 10 metric tonnes. However, it slowly went down to approximately 8 metric tonnes in 2007. With respect to Sweden, it fluctuated from more than 8 metric tonnes up to more than 10 but decreased rapidly to nearly 6 metric tonnes in the next three decades.  
  
*
The summary presentation is worrisome of these presentation paragraphs as you failed to deliver the minimum 3 sentence count for the summarized report. There are also missing punctuation marks in this section. Even if you combined the summary with the trending statement, it still would not have met the minimum sentence requirement for the paragraph. Always write between 3-5 sentences per paragraph. You could have added a reference to the timeline or period of measurement to help achieve the 3 sentence count, and added relevant information to the summary.  
  
While the grammar does not have perfect English, it shows some control over sentence formations. Enough control over the words to allow you to create grammatically imperfect, but understandable sentences and paragraphs. So you will not get a failing score for the essay, but it will not be a high scoring essay either. You have done enough correct work to achieve a basic passing mark.
I want to practice writing essays for the IELTS test. Hope to see your opinion. Thank you so muchhh  
  
***Some education systems make students focus on certain subjects at the age of 15, while others require students to study a wide range of subjects until they leave school.***  
  
## What are the benefits of each system? Which is better?

  
  
This is my essay:  
  
Some countries around the world allow students to specialize in specific subjects while in some other regions, students have a chance to learn a variety of subjects before leaving school. Both methods bring several benefits to children, but I believe that learning a wide array of subjects is better.  
  
On the one hand, if students concentrate on a limited number of subjects, they can have some advantages by mastering this area. Because just focusing on fewer subjects, students can have much time to spend on them. By learning, reading, or doing exercises, the young generation who are 15 years old can have a good grasp of such subjects they focus on, they thus can apply well their knowledge into practice. Further, students have a chance to spend more time on other extracurricular activities to relax. For example, swimming or playing tennis can help students relieve stress and have a good mood for studying again.  
  
On the other hand, I favour the pedagogical method of studying various subjects provides students a comprehensive education. I would argue that this system is better for three reasons. First, this educational approach helps students to broaden their knowledge in many aspects of life. History, literature can help students instill their patriotism and have thorough insights into their own culture, while maths, physics, and chemistry provide not only knowledge about science but also improve students' creativity and logic. Further, lessons that students gained from one subject can supplement another one, for instance, they can apply the way how to write a smooth essay to complete reports in Physics or Civil. Moreover, students before leaving school have opportunities to find out what they are natural talent for or what their dreams are. Because they experience many different subjects from a broad curriculum, they might know which field they are passionate about or excel at and get a tertiary education in this area.  
  
In conclusion, both educational methods bring different advantages to people who are 15. I believe that studying a wide range of subjects is a better way for students to have holistic knowledge and achieve a brighter future career.
While the writer has shown a clear understanding of the discussion topic and the method of discussion, he still missed out on the proper formatting of the discussion reasons. The presentation accidentally took on a 4 paragraph format when the requirement was that of a 5 paragraph presentation. That means, the reasoning paragraph requires 3 discussion paragraphs covering the benefits of each learning style along with the personal preference of the writer. The paragraphs should represent:  
  
- students focus on certain subjects at the age of 15  
- study a wide range of subjects  
- Which is better?  
  
As the writer skipped on the proper independent paragraph discussion of a specific learning style, the essay will be scored on only 2 out of 3 considerations. Deductions will apply due to the missing paragraph. The essay has to be considered lacking in content development so full marks cannot be awarded for task completion.
**Question:  
It is said that today, students send too much time attending tutoring classes after school time, which prevents them from developing their ability to study by themselves.  
  
## In about 200-220 words, give the advantages and disadvantages of attending tutoring classes.**  
  
Living in a modern world with new changes happening every day, students are inclined to study hard to catch up with the present pace of the world. Besides their parents want them to study well too. That's why more and more tutoring classes appear to meet this demand. At first tutoring classes are supposed to be very useful but gradually there are some disadvantages of them because students spend too much time attending tutoring classes. For starters, we need to study the advantages. First of all. it helps us to enrich our knowledge of the lesson. At school, a period lasts for about 45 minutes. It's such a short time that the teachers can teach the whole lesson clearly and the student can't understand them deeply either. At that time tutoring classes will help to solve this problem. Next, if a student can't learn by himself or herself, that student won't make any progress without the help of the teacher in tutoring classes. For example, it is you who don't attend extra classes, what will you do if you can't understand a lesson or you still can't solve a problem after a long time of thinking? I'm afraid that there won't be any efficient ways other than attending tutoring classes. The teacher will have more time to explain the lessons to you and you will also have a chance of asking him or her to help you with difficult problems. In addition, attending tutoring classes is sometimes harmful especially when you spend too much time on it. It makes students dependent on the teacher, not voluntarily doing the exercises by themselves. They just expect their teacher to help them, and then all they have to do is to learn by heart. In the beginning that knowledge can't do in the mind but a certain time later all will definitely disappear and they won't also understand anything. Plus it prevents students from developing the ability to learn on their own but studying by themselves is important because it helps to develop a lot of relevant skills besides being good at some subject. Around me, there are plenty of students who attend extra classes so much that they don't have time to study by themselves. I notice that that the similarity of these people is that they can only do the exercises which are the same as those their teacher in the extra class taught them. They can't find any other ways for those exercises. It's a problem. In short, attending extra classes brings about lots of benefits but if you spend all your time just attending extra classes, you will get into many troubles in the future. Apart from attending tutoring classes, spend more time studying by yourself and you can make more progress than ever.
Although this is not for a TOEFL or IELTS test, the same essay writing rules apply to the formatting and discussion presentation. That means, the student must follow a 4 paragraph presentation format. The reason that the writer must get used to writing in paragraphs is because individual topic paragraph formatting helps the reader gain clarity of thought and insight with regards to the writer's opinion and explanation presentation. These specific topics, the advantage and disadvantage, must have individual paragraphs give the writer a chance to properly and completely deliver his thoughts. It will also provide a scannable essay, making it easier for the reader to find the topic that he wishes to read at any given time.  
  
The student began the reasoning by using numerical ordinals, which is out of place in an A/D essay. The reader tends to look for the second numerical ordinal reason, which never came, thus further confusing the format of the discussion. It creates a confusing format for the presentation. It is best not to use numerical ordinals and instead, use topic sentences that clearly indicate an advantage or disadvantage topic. The correct keyword usage at the start of the separate paragraphs would help the student that type of clarity.
## One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer

  
  
Nowadays, thanks to the development of medical care the living standard of people are increasing progressively especially the human's life expectancy. While numerous people think that it will make a big problem in government budget but on the contrary I think it is more likely to have positive impact on our live.  
  
It can not be denied that the effects of improved medical care on people live is really enormous. It helps us to have longer longevity with a healthy lifestyle. Therefore, the elderly can live a life with a comfortable mood and they no longer become a burden for their children. For instance if the elderly don't have a good health they must be based on their children in every aspect so their children can not be focus on their work properly.  
  
Moreover, if the elderly people can live longer in an energetic way it is also possibility for them to contribute to the country with their knowledge and experiences. Hence, the budget is not a huge concern anymore since the governments are be able to increase the retirement age. For example after a really long time a scientist, a teacher.. may discover something breakthrough in their career and greatly benefit the country, that's the conclusion after many years of work. Besides that, increasing the retirement age also brought the country out of the shortage of manpower.  
  
In summary, the consequences of developed medical care are a jump up in our society nowadays. Due to the advances in health services our longevity and life expectancy are now capable to a new level.
The writer has taken a general discussion approach to this essay. It is understandable why he may do that since he read only the topic sentence of the prompt. The general topic does require a general discussion as presented here. The problem, is that the discussion aspect of the prompt does not use a general opinion format. Rather, it uses a comparative discussion format based on the question: Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?  
  
Seeing as how the writer did not address this question in his opinion + thesis statement, and the essay does not directly relate to the question either, the writer will receive only minimal scoring for this presentation, preventing him for receiving a passing score due to an irrelevant discussion response. This occurred because the writer did not read the whole prompt. He only read the general topic and assumed that was the total discussion, which it wasn't.
## CAMBRIDGE IELTS 13 TEST 1 WRITING TASK 1 - ROAD NETWORK

  
  
The two diagrams illustrate the number of changes in the way people got to a city hospital from 2007 to 2010.  
Looking from an overall perspective, the three main differences in the road involved more new roundabouts, the divided car parks and a bus station.  
Looking first of all at the two new roundabouts. From 2007 to 2010, the first one was constructed at the intersection of the Ring Road while the other one was located at the four - way junction of the city road and the hospital road.  
  
Furthermore, the bus stops in 2007 were all removed to build a new bus station that linked up with two roundabouts at the western side of the hospital. In addition, there were a change in the car parks by the year 2010. A new car park was excusively built for the public at the eastern side of the hospital while the old one was for staffs - only.
Good work on the use of alternative keyword maps as indicated in the original diagram. The use of alternative words will result in a higher LR score as you show a definite understanding of various English words that could refer to the same meaning or, in this case, image. However, the image years do not indicate a continuous count from 2007 to 2010. The reference should have been in a comparative form for the 2 years instead as those are the focal points of the image comparison. Consecutive year comparisons are normally used when discussing or comparing graph images.  
  
The creative use of comparison representation in the reporting paragraphs are well developed. However, the second paragraph could have used a liitle more comparison development to add to the context of the report. The analysis is rushed and should have been better presented. The last paragraph has a better analytical and comparative development.  
  
Overall, this is an acceptable piece but the berevity of the presentation could prove to be a score breaker at only 156 words. You should try to develop more presentation sentences. The better scoring task 1 essays have at least 175 words, but no more than 200 in the report.