dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Parental Expectations and Aspirations for their Children

  
  
**Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason for doing this? Is this a negative or positive development?**  
  
High parental expectations on their children's performances are the burden that children suffer. Consequently, children's mental health and childhood would be damaged considerably.  
  
The world is changing rapidly; as a result, all jobs require higher skills and knowledge; likewise, they are more challenging to adapt. Therefore, parents soon send their children to extra classes to master not only Maths but also gifted subjects such as piano, dancing ,... . However, it would be a waste of time because not every child born to be talented. Parents are likely to think they have responsibility for their children's career paths, so it is their duties to push children to learn everything now or else they can't achieve six figures jobs in the future.  
  
Another reason comes from the media. Televisions and smartphones are great tools to spread successful stories of young people all over the world. Parents can easily realize the fact that succesful people have greater power and higher social status. They eventually hope their children could be succeed not only to secure future jobs but also be featured on the media and be respected by others.  
  
As a consequence, children nowadays are under high pressure of their own parents and society. They are being compared to other better kids by their parents and even by themselves. That they always have to excel in every aspect causes them depression. Besides, children are losing their childhood into getting highest scores. Children's happiness and curiousity seem to be forgotten instead of being the priority.  
  
To conclude, excessive parental aspiration is harmful to children's mental and physical growth. Parents must put themselves in theirs kids' shoes to fully understand how difficult it is to live up to the parents' expectations. Futhermore, it is essential to realize that children who suffer severe depression hardly become successful in life.
@Krystal318  
What I immediately observed is the need to have more fluid transition words. It's not necessarily true that you have to have a transition word (however, therefore, etc.) after every sentence. You should try to construct your language with a more organic flow, creating a structure that would work with your content. What I mean when I say that transitions should be organic is that you should ask yourself if these are terms that you would naturally say if you are speaking these sentences out loud. Determining this is crucial in building your essay.  
  
In addition, evade using unnecessary words when you are writing. Doing this will help you trim down and create a more concise and clear-cut structure.  
  
**Let's revise a couple of parts:**  
  
[...]  
As the world is rapidly changing, jobs begin to require higher skills and knowledge. This makes it more difficult to adapt. This has led parents to send their children to extra classes to master both technical subjects and extra-curricular hobbies. However, this can be a waste of time as not every child is born talented. Parents think that they have the responsibility to their children's careers; therefore, it becomes their duty to pressure children in learning a multitude of subjects.  
  
[...]  
  
Notice how I had tried to either omit transition words - or rather, I incorporated them into portions of the text that actually need them. For instance, using therefore earlier in a sentence is often inappropriate because this term is supposed to indicate a a concluding remark; it fits better if you add it by the end of your thoughts.  
  
Try to create more formal structures to better your essay. Best of luck.
## High prices of fuel as a remedium

  
  
Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extend do you agree or disagree? what other measures do you think might be effective?  
  
Nowadays, the environmental pollution is an alarming issue all over the world. In order to resolve this problem, some people claim that rising the fee of petrol is the best approach, which not only improve the growth of traffic but also solve polluted situations. However, from my view, i do not agree with this way because of various reasons, and i will give some other resolutions below.  
  
For the solving develop traffic, standing the price of fuel is not the best way, at least to me. Firstly, it is obvious to realize that the result of this approach could be followed by increasing charges of another products. Indeed, this would cause prices of some goods exceed their real values. Secondly, rising the cost of petrol would result in increase other fees like transports, export and import. Therefore, services such as restaurants, coffee shops and other public stores would adjust the cost, and consumers may give more disadvantages.  
  
On the other hand, pollution problems include various combining factors like emission gas from industrial areas and vehicles, or the invasion of plastic trash, disposable foam containers and nylon materials. Hence, why do we suggest another ways instead of increasing the price of petrol? For example, regulating work schedules to reduce traffic jams during the rush hours, or encouraging people use public transports like buses or subways. In addition, enhancing the awareness of people about protecting our environment is also a suitable solution.  
  
Judging from all reasons, it is not difficult to draw a conclusion. It seems to me that i do not support the view of rising the charge of fuel to improve growing traffic and polluted issues.
@quynhuyen1012  
**A few notes:**  
1. Evade using excessive words that do not contribute substantially to your essay.  
2. When in doubt regarding the sentence's structure, try to use simpler structures.  
3. Watch out for punctuation.  
4. Watch out for preposition.  
5. Use academic tones when you are writing as this is required.  
6. Use appropriate terms.  
  
You also had grammatical mistakes sporadically throughout your essay.  
  
**For instance:**  
  
**Environmental pollution has emerged to be an alarming issue in the world. To solve this problem, others believe that a raise in the fee of petrol is the best approach; according to lobbyists, this will not only improve traffic conditions but also alleviate pollution concerns. However, from my perspective, I do not agree with this.**\*  
  
\*There is no need for you to introduce this early on that you are bound to give resolutions; it's already a given.  
  
While I think that the substance and deductive approach is decent, I also think that you can refocus on putting more attention to your concluding remarks. You have to be more firm in your reasoning. *Perhaps* you can add a brief statement here?  
  
Best of luck!
## Too Much Celebrity News

  
  
**Topic:** *Nowadays, the media mostly focus on lives of famous people to be reported on the news. Some people think that it is nescessary because they are popular, while others believe media should pay more attention to ordinary people. To what extend do you agree or disagree?*  
  
In modern society, how celebrities live has been drawing a great deal of attention from the public. Some people believe that lives of famous people are essential to be reported on social media, while others state that more attention should be given to ordinary people. I completely agree with the latter view because of the following reasons.  
  
The first reason is that, in our cutting-edge society, lives of celebrities are being more and more deeply violated. This is because, all of daily activities of these people, like their dressing, their speech, and also their love, are published for society. Not only celebrities, but also their family, their friends be attracted by the reporters and the public. Furthermore, the development of a large number of modern social networks, news about famous people is quickly spread and received different comment, even strong criticism from netizens. As a result, celebrities would feel loss of freedom, under pressure and depressed, that lead to serious diseases, especially depression. A striking example for this is a Korean singer suicide in 27 years old last year.  
  
Another reason is that, more news about ordinary people should be reported. It means that reporters should pay more attention to special people in the society. As an illustration, reporting about the disadvantaged, the disabled to ask for help from the public, or reporting about people who have kind action worth-praising.  
  
In conclusion, although there are many opposite views, I strongly support the opinion that the media should spend more attention for ordinary people instead of scrutinise the private lifes of celebrities.
Try omitting words that are unnecessary to your essay's substantiation. I recommend that, as you are writing, try to play around with your words until you get hold of a concise format. Using specific terms will assist you in this. Also, be more descriptive as you are writing.  
  
**Let's try revise a few parts.**  
  
Lavish lifestyles of celebrities on media gain attention from the public. [...]  
  
Notice how doing this is a more descriptive approach to writing than merely writing down.  
  
**In your second paragraph:**  
  
The first reason is that our cutting-edge society has brought deep violations of celebrities' lives. All of the daily activities of these people from their outfits, speech, to personal romantic lives are published. Not only them as individuals, but their family members and friends also lure in reporters. [...]  
  
Trimming down your sentences is a vital technique that can help you enhance your content. In addition, try to use more appropriate terms when you are writing. For instance, mentioning simply love is quite vague - but saying that it tackles their romantic lives is a more explicit analysis of the situation.  
  
Keep these in mind as you are writing. Best of luck.
## A bad dream

  
  
It was midnight, after reviewing the exam tomorrow, I went to bed. In my sleepping, I dreamed of a terrible story. I found myself going to another world, this place was all black. I saw many people wearing long black dresses and holding a sharp stick, fierce face, and blood stains. My heart is pounding, a crowd comes behind me. Suddenly, I shouted, they quickly grabbed me and let me into a trunk. I was taken to a darker place. It was horrible, the sound was chaotic with screams, crying, screaming. each one was cut to pieces, blood flowed, and then put into a pot of boiling water. "Oh, no!" I shouted. I suddenly got up, my heart was pounding, it turned out to be a dream, and I looked at the clock now at 3:00 am. I was nervous, scared, sweaty. Finally, I didn't sleep until the next morning.  
  
(i need to edit grammar)
**Watch out for the lack of preposition in your essay.** This can affect the flow of your content. Make sure that you always try to construct sentences with complete thoughts. I recommend opting for simpler sentences instead of complex ones; and then, build up from this. Mixing up your structure can go a long way when it comes to establishing a more organic tone. Moreover, try your best to establish better transitions when you're moving from one sentence to another.  
  
**For instance:**  
  
It was midnight when I finished reviewing for my exam. I had gone to bed afterwards. I had a nightmare\*. I found myself in a different world; it was all black. I saw people wearing long black dresses and holding sharp sticks with a fierce facial expression and blood stains all over them. [...]  
  
*\*I highly recommend opting for these alternatives rather than simply writing down everything. Doing this will sharpen your content.*  
  
Keep these in mind. Best of luck!
Nowadays, a variety of environmental problems affect our entire world. Protecting the environment is really imperative. Each of students hold the key to the future of environment and it is easy for us to make the world greener by a lot of little steps. And making our school clean is firstly target we must complete before making environments cleaner. In my book we can have many ways to do this. First we can put many recycling bins around the schoolyard and every floor in order to enhance the sense of each student of saving environment. Second We can plant a school garden because School Garden is not only provides classes and vegetables for school meals, plus gardening help student get much needed outdoor time. It kill two birds with one arrow. Next, instead of hundreds of hundreds of form and information packets each year, We can take them into electronic forms because it's not rather costly and moreover we can reduce a great number of trees will be cut each year. Finally, making the school greener is the only the business of each person but also the things which the people living in the whole world must do.  
  
(Thank u )
Watch out for the forms of verb that you use.  
  
Evade using terms that are repetitive or synonymous to each other. This creates overbearing sentence structures when you could have opted for simpler content.  
  
Don't capitalize unnecessary terms not unless they are proper nouns and/or acronyms. You can always look up what words need to be capitalized and which do not.  
  
Use synonymous words that would help you create a specific tone that is appropriate for your essay.  
  
**Let's revise.**  
  
Environmental issues affect the world. This has made environmental protection imperative. Each student holds the key to the future; it is part of our responsibility to make a greener world with little steps. [...]  
  
Notice how I had trimmed and cut down your first sentence through making it more straightforward. This is a concise manner of approaching essay writing; and I would argue is better when you're writing academically. Furthermore, I also had changed the forms of certain words to create consistent wording.  
  
Keep these in mind as you are writing. Best of luck.
## child care skills

  
  
Caring for children is probably the most important job in any society. Because of this, all mothers and fathers should be required to take a course that prepares them to be good parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?  
  
It is undeniable that childcare is a vitally important skill for most parents and that raising children is by no means a simple task. Nevertheless, I disagree with the idea that all parents should be forced to attend parenting courses for several reasons.  
  
On the one hand, I admit that childcare courses work miracles for parenthood preparation. Without a doubt, essential knowledge gained through parenting lessons such as children's possible medical issues or how their mood swing operates during puberty could result in remarkable improvements in children upbringing. For instance, the basic medical treatments learnt through childcare lessons might allow parents to give their child first aid in case of emergency.  
  
On the other hand, I believe that making parenting education obligatory for all mothers and fathers is certainly impractical. The number of new parents each year is undoubtedly high and uncontrollable, which makes full scale childcare courses impossible. Furthermore, intensive training courses for parents run by professors might be prohibitively expensive; therefore, parents with low income are unable to afford them. As well as being impractical, training courses for parents are also unnecessary due to the availability of other approachable sources and methods. Obviously, childcare skills and knowledge could be learnt from senior family members, friends and neighbours. Perhaps more importantly, parenting skills are also acquired naturally by maternal and paternal instinct, trial and error.  
  
To conclude, I would like to reaffirm that compulsory parenting courses for all parents are not only impractical but also pointless.
@Van\_Anh\_Meo  
The transition between your sentences could be bettered if you structured your sentences in a more organized way. Watch out for consistency in your tenses also as this can affect the technicalities of your essay.  
  
**For instance, in your introductory sentence, I would opt to say:**  
  
Childcare in an undeniably vital skill for parenthood as raising a child is not a simple task. [...]  
  
**Notice how I had omitted the word important because vital is already synonymous as this.** Removing words such as this can help you maximize the word count in your essay.  
  
**Try to avoid being repetitive with your words.** If you can can, opt to minimize using the same phrases over and over again. Try revising and looking into alternative methods of writing down your lines to accomplish this.  
  
**For instance, in your second paragraph, I would write it down as:**  
  
[...] Without a doubt, essential knowledge gained through lessons on medical assistance for puberty-driven mood swings can result to improvements in childcare upbringing. [...]  
  
**Notice how I had trimmed down the sentence while still maintaining its core meaning.** Doing this can help your essay become more concise.  
  
**The last sentence in the third paragraph can also be revised into:**  
  
More importantly, parenting skills are acquired naturally due to maternal and paternal instincts partnered with trial and errors.  
  
Best of luck.
## The Underground Station passenger numbers

  
  
The graph shows Underground Station passenger numbers in London.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.  
You should write at least 150 words.  
  
The line graph illustrates data of Underground Station passenger in London during the period from 6 a.m to 10 p.m. Overall, it is clear that the highest commuters use the underground station of London at 8 a.m and 6 p.m.  
  
At 6 a.m around 100 underground passengers can be found and this numbers peaked at 400 at 8 a.m, while those of passenger experienced a gradual decline from 8 a.m to 10 a.m, was 180. Compared to a decreased last period, the data of underground passenger rose slightly to 300 at 2 p.m, followed by a slip to 99 at 4 p.m. After 4 p.m the passenger number increased significantly and reaches to 380. During the remainder of this period, the data of underground users decreased with a slight fluctuation until 10 p.m.  
  
In conclusions, the highest number of passenger of London underground can be found in the stations during office going and office leaving time a day.  
  
Thank you in advance to help improving my writing skill  
  
*
@Christinaduong  
Unless you are referring to a formal pronoun, underground station should remain to not be capitalized. Omit lines that are not substantial to the essay. Instead, allocate these words (as you are working with a word count) to more necessary content. Try to create structures that are less dragging.  
  
**Let's revise a couple of lines.**   
The line graph illustrates data on the number of underground station passengers in London from 6 a.m to 10 a.pm. Overall, it is clear that the highest numbers received by the station are at 8 a.m and 6 p.m.  
  
You should also keep in mind that consistency is important in writing essays. Do you plan to call them passengers or commuters? Stick to one and do not stray.  
  
I would also recommend looking into alternatives of what you can say instead of continuously mentioning the time stamps. For instance, if in a succeeding sentence you are still referring to the same time stamp, you can just mention that it is within the same duration. As long as it is synonymous and applicable, use it. This will help your essay tremendously.  
  
Best of luck.
## communication barrier abroad

  
  
It is often said that living in a foreign country where you speak with non-local language would make communication problems, as well as practical problem. I completely agree with this statement.  
  
Firstly, it is undeniable that difficult to communicate would be the barrier of living in a foreign country. While a new immigrant may always participate some society activities which hold by government or community institution, to know more culture or ritual about the country, language barrier hinders the social interaction between local citizens and immigrant. No one would accommodate to speak foreign language, or even there are no people can understand that what are you talking about although you behave to join the society. For example, there are many immigrants who come from China, living in Hong Kong and speaking with Putonghua. Sometimes, the locals may not understand that what they say. And it becomes a barrier for the immigrant who live in a foreign country.  
  
Secondly, it also can be the main reason that different language would let immigrant to be lone. As living with a long time, the immigrant, who speak with foreign language, could not meet a new friend who applicate with local language. We know that the interaction is communicate through by language, you cannot interact deeply with others by using body language, instead of language. The immigrant would lost their friends at his local country also since they have not face with a long time.  
  
To sum up, as the reason of communicate barrier and feel lonely, I entirely agree that living in a country who speak non-local language may cause social problems and practical problem.
Try evading using words that are fillers. When they do not significantly contribute to the essay, it is better to leave them out. Especially when you are working within word counts, you are confined to what you want to say.  
  
**Say, for instance, in your first paragraph:**  
  
Living in a foreign country that you cannot speak the language of creates communication and practical problems; I agree with this.  
  
Shortening your sentences to make concise structures will enable you to sharpen your writing skills.  
  
Avoid repetitive lines that do not develop the essay's substance. When you are writing, you should be adding something new to the content.  
  
**Let's look at your body paragraphs.**  
  
Notice how your **first sentence in the second paragraph** is *a repetition of your introductory lines*. I would recommend trimming it down to something similar to:  
  
Firstly, language barriers hinder social interactions between locals and immigrants. Knowing the language lets a person participate in community-based activities. [...]  
  
I recommend avoiding assertive lines and claims when you are writing without citations. Saying that, for example, one would not be welcomed in places wherein they cannot speak the language of is off-putting. Rather, try to lighten your language by saying that one would have difficulty adjusting if a language barrier is in place.  
  
Apply these when you are writing. Cut down your unnecessary words - and then afterwards, you may allocate this space to create more in-depth content.  
  
Best of luck as always!