dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Tseng, this is an unrealistic essay writing presentation for an English language writing test. Believe me, you do not have the time to write 434 words during the actual test. You also do not follow the standard 4-5 paragraph presentation requirement for the paragraphs. There are clear sections in your presentation that obviously could have been presented as a separate paragraph. Your presentation should have a one topic per paragraph discussion format. What you did was you over discussed each paragraph because you used more than 5 sentences per paragraph and you combine various topics in one paragraph.  
  
Your essay also deviates from the original discussion topic. There is no need for you to explain the types of immigration and its reasons. That is a prompt deviation that will cost you during the scoring process. Just stick to the topic you were provided for the discussion. Do not add not change the discussion targets. You are not writing a research paper that allows you to do that. Rather, you need to write between 4-5 simple discussion paragraphs based on the original topic.  
  
I am pleased that you display a strong ability to discuss in the English language. This also proves to be your liability in this instance because you tended to run on and on and lose sight of the discussion topic towards the end. All you have to do is concentrate on not writing wandering essays. Write in a targeted manner based on the prompt requirements. Use that English writing ability in the proper manner in order to gain maximum scoring potential for each scoring criteria.  
  
Look at the sample essays here and learn from them. The sample essays will be the best way for you to learn how to better present your ideas within the requirements of the prompt. You truly have the potential to score very well in this test. All you have to do is better direct your writing skills so that your writing potential will shine in the exercises and during the test itself.
**Write about the following topic:  
Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.**  
  
## why people learn foreign languages

  
  
Some people claim that the reason for learning a foreign language is only to travel or work. However, others believe that these are not the only reasons why people learn a foreign language. I agree with this statement. I agree with the latter statement.  
  
It is true that many people learn a language for travel and work purpose. In current society, it is important that worker should have second language ability. If people do not have this ability, they may be hard to find a job and will become jobless. Learn to travel is also a popular reason, tourists may have better experience if they can speak local language. They can make friend with local people easier compare to people who cannot speak local language.  
  
However, there are still a lot of reason why people learn foreign language. Learn for entertainment is one reason, some people learn foreign language because they want to watch foreign movie. For example, one of my friend really love Japanese movies, she learn Japanese because she want to watch the latest movie and do not want to wait for subtitle translation. Secondly, learn foreign language is good to understand one country's culture. Since translate may differ the original meaning , or is hard to explain by using other language.  
  
In conclusion, there is no doubt that some people learn foreign language for travel and work purpose. However, as other reasons I have mentioned, different people have different reasons for learning new language. To travel and to work in a foreign is not the only reason.
Tsling, you are not discussing the essay in the manner indicated by the prompt. You are presenting a single point of view opinion discussion when the prompt requires a pro, con, and personal opinion discussion. The discussion should cover the following paragraphs:  
  
1. People learn languages for travel  
2. People learn languages for work  
3. Your belief as to why people learn languages (either for work or travel, just one or the other, not both.)  
  
So the correct discussion paraphrase and outline for the prompt is as follows:  
  
*People learn various reasons for various reasons. The first is that people learn languages so that they can communicate when they travel abroad. Others learn languages because they get assigned to work out of the country. I believe that the reason to study languages lies between these two reasons. A deeper discussion is to follow below*.  
  
In this essay you are saying that you are discussing it from only one side of the discussion, the side that you support. That is the incorrect manner of discussing this essay. This is not an agree or disagree essay nor is it an extent essay. Therefore, your total discussion is wrong and will result in a failing score for this type of work.  
  
You need to be familiar with the varying types of discussion or these Task 2 essays. Only if you know the difference between the instruction types will you be able to properly respond to the essay prompt. Read the sample essays that have been written and posted at this forum. Pay particular attention to the 2 POV + Personal POV discussion samples so that you will learn how to properly format the essay for that type of response. This is a 5 paragraph, not 4 paragraph essay presentation.
*Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.*  
  
## some youngsters want to be independent from their families

  
  
Some people believe that they need to live independently when they turned to be a young adult. However, others argue that a young adult should live longer with their parents. Personally, I prefer the former idea for some reasons.  
  
Firstly, by having an independency, people who are turning to be an adult will sharpen some skills. In any occasion, they have to be able to make a decision by theirselves. With this full consciousness, they will be trained in preparing them to the next phase of life. For example, when I was in Senior High Scool, I had been living far apart from my family. In the first time, I experienced some difficulties from small things until the greater problems. I was aware that it was not an easy process, but eventually, I found myself became a better person who have an ability to live independently and make a decision confidently.  
  
Another benefit that the situation will bring to the young adults who try to live independently is to develop their responsibility. After they can make a decision by theirselves, they have to be aware of all risks from every decision they have made. This will drive them to responsible for every acts they have done. For instance, when they should choose between study or go to part time job, while the exam is waiting for them tomorrow, they have to make decision carefully and become responsible for every risks ahead.  
  
I maintain that the young adults still need more advices and guidances from their parents. However, the way on training them to live independetly will give them space to grow maturely. Parents could guard continuously their children that not-so-little anymore, but in a more independent way; by giving their children a freedom to choose and remind them all the risks they will have.  
  
Word count : 304
Nuradia, you have shown a great deal of improvement in your vocabulary and word usage. You are more on point when using certain terms such as "young adult" , "independent", and "former idea". Good job on improving your English vocabulary and your ability to remember the meaning of the word and how to use it in a sentence. Keep on growing your vocabulary so you can become even better at word usage.  
  
You also did a good job in defending your stance / opinion in the body of paragraphs. These were clearly explained, fully developed, and used appropriate examples in the presentation. However, your concluding paragraph did not properly summarize the discussion. You continued the discussion instead. Now, had you added another paragraph at the end where you could have summarized the discussion, you would have written a far stronger and better scored essay. However, with a little over 300 words, that might be difficult for you.  
  
Why is it going to be more difficult? While you did show vocabulary improvement, you did not show an equivalent amount of improvement in your GRA / sentence development or structure in the essay. Had you written around 275 words, you could have done that because of the existence of editing time at the end of your drafting process. At 275 words with properly structured sentences, you could aim for at least a 7.5 with your writing.
My apologies, the system did not show me that this was for a TOEFL test until it rebooted. I only saw the updated description when your response came in to my review. All along I thought this was an IELTS test because your prompt was originally used in those tests. Please, do write at least 300 words but no more than 350. It is always important to leave editing time, that is a must. It is not optional. My review of your work stands except that the scoring has now changed from a 7.5 to a 3 for this writing with a potential to score at least a 4 once you get a better hold of your English sentence presentation skills.  
  
All you have to do to meet the time requirement is to continue writing the essays. When I ask my students to start practicing beating the clock so that they can edit the paper, I ask them to complete the essay in 30 minutes. Leaving them with 10 minutes to review the essay and correct their work. Perhaps you could also benefit from doing the same thing?  
  
Use your cellphone timer. Set it for 30 minutes then write the essay. Try to finish your draft before the timer goes off. If you finish early, you have 15-20 minutes to finalize the essay. If the timer goes off before you can finish writing, you have 10 minutes to finalize and edit the essay. Aim for the 15-20 minutes writing completion as best as you can. You will find that as you train to write faster, your presentation will also become smoother and clearer.  
  
Why will this happen? You will begin to develop an internal body clock that will somehow manage to notify you of the time constraints even if you don't glance at the clock. Eventually, they learn that they are automatically writing 325-350 words before the timer goes off. They begin to instinctively know when they have written enough words to satisfy the essay requirements. The timer setting is part of that unconscious test timing preparation. See if it works for you. My students manage to develop their instinctive writing and timer using this method. It really helps them with the word count and editing time frame.
## IELTS 12 Test 5 writing task 2

  
  
**Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.  
  
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.**  
  
Nowadays, scientific research become both important and valuable. Some of the information is vital and wroth to be shared. However the problem is that should the information be shared freely as much as possible?  
  
To start with, people supporting to share more information freely think that important scientific research information must be convinced to people. Scientists should share their information so others can check their research results. If they don't share the information, the vital research may not be replicated. The more error and problems would cause. Moreover, the strongest argument is often the academic freedom. Academics institutes and universities should have responsibilities to spread information as the education purposes.  
  
On the other hand, other people think that there some situations should be limited. The first situation is business. Some companies have invested a lot of money and resources to get the research information so they always apply for the patents to protect it before they really make any profit on it . Another situation is about the country security. Some scientific research is about weapon , governments may keep these research secretly to protect the safety of their country. A other related point is timing,that the release of the information is controlled by the owner of that information. For example, the inventor, researcher or investor should have a period where they can take advantages on this knowledge for themselves before releasing it. Scientific research into drugs and medicine is a good example of this.  
  
In conclusion, the arguments for the freedom of information in science and academic is good for the academic activities. However, when it comes to business issue or country security, the release of information should be restricted. Therefore, I partly support both of views.
Dear @ZOU,  
I have some comments to your writing.  
  
First, in addressing this prompt, you should clearly state your opinion, on what extent do you agree/disagree. Then write your opinion on both views. You can give your opinion right after paraphrasing the prompt in first paragraph, so that the examiner will easily get your point of view.  
  
Second, there are many errors in your essay, such as:  
  
..., others ~~people~~ think that there are some situations that should be limited  
  
This is just for example. You can check your grammar first, do not practice in a rush.  
  
Best of luck!
Jia, your response to the prompt is incorrect and will result in a failing score during the actual test. This is a 2 public point of view essay with a personal opinion attachment. the way that you wrote the essay, you turned it into a personal point of view observation of the two reasons stated in the original prompt. That shows that you did not understand the discussion instructions in any way. Such a mistake will definitely cost you during the test. In addition to that, you are never supposed to post a question at the end of a thesis statement. You are supposed to offer an understanding of the discussion instructions instead. Also, you must avoid using the exact phrases from the original discussion in the paraphrase since the point of the first paragraph is to test your English understanding and restatement skills. Therefore, this essay cannot expect to get a passing score in an actual setting.  
  
The minute you hear the term "Some people" and 'Others believe", that is automatically a 2 public point of view discussion with the third paragraph being your personal opinion. For your personal opinion, you must choose a side to support between the two public pov. Your reasoning should be based upon your belief in one of the two public discussions and your ability to offer additional supporting discussions to strengthen that point of view.
## the consequences of the longevity boom

  
  
In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individual and society? Suggest some measure that could be taken to reduce the impact of aging populations.  
  
In recent decades, people in many countries around the world, especially those in developed countries, have enjoyed the longer longevity than ever. This trend, however, poses the burdens on society and individuals, which requires immediate actions from governments.  
  
The increasing life expectancy translates problems to the workforce and healthcare system. It is obvious that the bigger the proportion of retired people who are eligible to pension payment, the smaller the number of working people who are the main contributors to social wealth and pension fund. This hinders the tax burden on working adults and the risk of pension fund deficit. Another difficulty is relate to the healthcare system. The existing healthcare facilities and workforce have become overloaded with the growing demands from the ageing population.  
  
Various actions should be taken to address the issue. The first and foremost solution is to rise the working age. This would take advantage of the experienced and highly skilled elderly working people as well as prevent the risk of pension fund deficit. Secondly, law on childbirth should be enacted to encourage people to have more children. Finally, government may encourage immigration to make up for the shortage of laborers in certain fields. By doing this, the number of young adults can be increased and the economic growth driven forces can be maintained.  
  
In conclusion, the longer life expectancy has lead to various drawbacks including the shortage workforce and the overload healthcare system. Therefore, government should take concrete actions in order to mitigate the aforementioned problems.
Dear @lanvt2811,  
  
in addressing this prompt, you need to clearly state your opinion in first paragraph so that the examiner will easily follow your ideas. You also need to make a paraphrase from the prompt.  
  
This is one of potential ways to develop your essay:  
  
Paragraph 1. Introduction (including your position)  
Paragraph 2. Main point 1 (your first reason), example  
Paragraph 3. Main point 2 (your second reason), example  
Paragraph 4. Main point 3 (your third reason or argument to another side), example  
Paragraph 5. Conclusion  
  
Good luck!
To, this is a direct question essay. As such, you must offer an immediate discussion based on the instructions given to you by the original prompt. You are basically being asked to immediately outline your discussion for the reference of the reader. So the paraphrase should have been:  
  
*The modern world has seen a rise in the lifespan of the elderly. This causes problems with regards to the workforce and healthcare system. Some solutions that can be considered for the problem are related to raising the retirement age and increasing the pension for the retired elderly so that they can afford better healthcare. In this essay, a more detailed look at the aforementioned problems and solutions will be presented.*  
  
Avoid redundancies in your writing. longer and longevity both refer to the same thing which is an "extended period of time". Familiarize yourself with English words and their accompanying meaning so you can avoid repeating yourself in your presentations.  
  
Your paragraph discussions are little developed and not well supported by facts or other data. It would be better for you to practice separating your discussion topics so that you can better explain what it is you want to impart to the reader. This essay feels truly rushed in development and doesn't really offer a clear discussion of the prompt requirements and your offered information. Try to be clearer next time.
## work in several organizations or devote to an only one

  
  
*Task 2: Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organizations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.*  
  
My answer:  
It is true that the question of whether to work for the same organization the whole working life or work for different organizations remains a source of controversy in the labor market. While a number of people believe that individuals should work for an organization merely, I would argue that it is better to become a part of some companies.  
  
On the one hand, it is believed that working in just only cooperation can bring several positive results to this problem for some justifications. Firstly, labors might have a good chance to understand clearly and dig deep about the operation of their company. As a result, they can enable company's operation to operate in a smooth way and restrict a variety of unexpected problems. Secondly, working for a long time can assist people in gaining more promotion opportunities. This would lead to rise of pay and benefits with their seniority.  
  
On the other hand, I am in favor of the idea that people should have chances working for some different companies. It is indisputable that they might have more opportunities to choose which working environment is appropriate for them. As a consequence, labors would be fresher and full of energy when they have to work daily. Another compelling reason for the idea is that individuals can think in imaginary ways instead of stereotype when they have already understood clearly about their company. For example, in marketing field where the imagination is encouraged usually, non-experienced labors are still accepted.  
  
In conclusion, although both views certainly have some validity, it seems to me that it is better to work for several organizations instead of just only one.
Mai, the prompt requires a response that covers 3 body paragraphs after the prompt paraphrase. The 3 body discussion is required because the instruction is asking you to present the public supporting and opposing point of view along with your personal point of view. You are not being asked to discuss both points of view from your personal perspective alone. That is called a prompt deviation and could result in the failure of your essay task.  
  
Learn to look for the discussion clues in the original prompt so that you will know how to properly format your response paragraphs. In this case, the clue that you need 3 discussion presentation paragraphs lies in the following instruction:  
  
*Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.*  
  
Both means 2 so that means you need to present 2 public views. "Own opinion" means 1 or YOUR understanding of the discussion topic. These are the clues that tell you the number of body paragraphs you need to present. Overall, there should be a total of 5 paragraphs presented, not 4.  
  
Try to be consistent in your paragraph presentations. Never present less than 3 sentences in order to meet the C&C paragraph requirement. A complete paragraph is always composed of 3-5 sentences that include the topic sentence, reasoning, example, and additional discussion sentence. When you do not meet the requirement, your scoring consideration becomes lower than it would have been if you wrote more explanatory sentences of up to 5 sentences.  
  
This is a good first attempt. I can see your potential to reach a better scoring consideration once you become more familiar with the discussion types and presentations. Don't hesitate to read the sample essays, as well as the advice given to the OP in the thread, at this forum. We are loaded with learning samples and discussions that can help you in improving your writing skills. You will learn more and faster by seeing the mistakes and corrections made by the others who took the test before you.