dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Trung, this is a failed Task 2 essay. The reason that this essay will receive a failing score is because you are not discussing the essay in the manner instructed by the original prompt. Have a look at the instructions and how you responded to them:  
  
Instruction: Discuss both views and give your opinion.  
Response: I personally think that is totally feasible.  
  
You only responded to the last part of the essay which is the personal opinion. You do not have a discussion of the public points of view. The format should be:  
  
Par. 1 - Prompt Paraphrase  
Par. 2 - 1st Public POV  
Par. 3 - 2nd Public POV  
Par. 4 - Personal Opinion  
Par. 5 - Concluding Summary  
  
You must clearly indicate, per reasoning paragraph, who is speaking and what the topic of that discussion is all about. That way you represent the public point of view discussion as required by the task. Without proper reference to the speaker, the whole essay will appear to come solely from your personal point of view. That is exactly what happened because of your presentation per paragraph in this essay.  
  
Please remember that a complete paragraph is always composed of 3-5 sentences as per the C&C requirements of the scoring band. Writing less than the minimum number of sentences can have a direct negative effect on the development of your explanation which will then lower the clarity and grammar skills consideration for your essay. You will receive less C&C, GRA, and LR scores when you write less than 3 sentences per paragraph. Always optimize your scoring potential by aiming to write 5 sentences per paragraph, not just for the reasoning paragraphs. The score is after all, done on a collective not per paragraph basis.
I will be taken IELTS examination on first of December, please help me.  
Thanks a lots.  
  
This is ## Writing task 1 - Test 1 - Cambridge 10.

  
The first chart below shows how energy is used in a average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.  
  
First chart: Heating (42%), water heating (30%), other appliances (15%), refrigeration (7%), lighting (4%) and cooling (2%).  
Second chart: Heating (15%), water heating (32%), other appliances (28%), refrigeration (14%), lighting (8%) and cooling (3%).  
  
The charts described the percentage of different energy types was used by household in Australia and its greenhouse gas emissions polluted to environment.  
Overall, the top kind of energy was spent, have created the top percentage of greenhouse gas emissions in total, such as heating and water heating.  
  
Looking at the both pie charts, the power heated water accounted for 30% which created the highest percentage of carbon dioxide (CO2), leading of greenhouse gas, at 32%. Following by the rate of emission from other appliances was 28% while the energy was consumed by them stood at the third place in list. It was counter-intuitive with spending power on heating which was used the most, nevertheless, their pollution made up only 15%. The rank of being made carbon dioxide was followed by refrigeration and lighting which was responsible for 14% and 8%, respectively, the proportion of power which used for them, have made up 7% and 4%. The brightest point was percentage of energy for cooling, it was lowest in list at 2% and made only 3% gas emissions to the environment.  
  
*
Tom, you need to learn to better separate you paragraphs in order to create a clear presentation of the facts. You are expected to present 4 paragraphs of descriptive and analytical information coming from the 2 pie charts. You lumped all the discussions into one paragraph which, although meeting more than the minimum word count, left the reader confused, unable to match the data you presented, and without a clear understanding of what you are trying to say. This is not a good essay at all.  
  
You failed to present a clear summary overview, your trending statement was not clear nor understandable, and your grammar problems all lead up to this essay getting a failing score. You need to improve your presentation in order to get a chance at a better score.  
  
For the summary overview, you failed to indicate the type of chart presented, the measurement used, and the sections that are represented in each pie chart. Your trending statement should have been a one liner stand alone sentence at the most for this presentation. Although the trending statement will get you a better score if you combine it as part of the summary overview.  
  
Each pie chart needs its own discussion. That way the reader, who you are to assume does not have access to the chart, will be clear on what is being discussed and how the information is presented. Comparison points are also missing in your presentation. The fourth paragraph could have represented the areas where there are similar or close to similar sets of information such as water heating having similar numbers for greenhouse gas emissions and energy use at 32 and 30 percent respectively.  
  
This is an analytical essay so you do not need a concluding paragraph. Do not make that mistake. A concluding paragraph is only required in opinion discussions within Task 2 essays. It is not required for the information presentation based Task 1 essay. The above advice that was offered by Idrees covers Task 2 essays and is not applicable at all to Task 1 essay writing. The requirements for the two essays are as different as night and day so you should not confuse the Task 1 writing style for the Task 2 writing style which is far more intricate in terms of writing requirements.  
  
Please refer to the other Task 1 essays written and posted at this forum to learn how to better approach this type of writing. There are several types of measurement presentations for discussion. Each type has a specific discussion style, I suggest that you learn these discussion styles and apply what you have learned to your future essays.
*Please help me by giving me feedback on this essay. Thank you so much.*  
  
## the importance of traditional subjects

  
  
**Schools are spending more time teaching traditional subjects such as history. Some people think they should rather spend more time teaching skills that can help students find a job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Nowadays, most of the schools' curriculums mainly emphasize on teaching traditional classes like literature or history, which is assumed to be not as essential as teaching job-oriented subjects. In my opinion, students should balance the length of time they studying these fields because of the benefits pupils can earn after acknowledging them.  
  
Firstly, people can approach a large number of experiences collected for thousands of years by their ancestors. Through their achievements and mistakes, students are capable of modifying and enhancing themselves in a positive way. Secondly, pupils have capabilities of shaping their characters and personalities, which play important roles in securing well-paid careers in the dynamic and competitive environment. Furthermore, a child taught how to treat people in polite and moral ways will have an advantage from other kids in creating a broad and long-lasting network. This shows how necessary the traditional subjects are, and children ought to spend more time discovering deeply in this field.  
  
On the other hand, people cannot ignore the significant benefits that students can gain from learning skill lessons. Lacking this type of knowledge results in the rise of unemployment in modern life, which is one of the reasons why there was an increasing number of crimes who are juveniles. In addition, children have opportunities to find out which fields are their strength and weakness. As a result, they can improve themselves in a directed way, and this will support them in following their passions.  
  
To conclude, the importance of traditional subjects are as valuable as the role of job-guided ones, so they shouldn't be supposed to be worthless.
I don't think you have given enough attention to an important part of the prompt: "To what extent do you agree or disagree?".  
  
It's fine to explain the benefit of subjects like history, and also the benefits of teaching skills, but you need to have a paragraph where you explain your opinion. You can agree with either option, or you can say that you believe a balance is needed - your actual opinion does not matter much, as long as you can provide reasons to support it. But you have to say "My opinion is..." or "I believe..." or "My personal point of view is..." or something along those lines. You did mention your opinion briefly in the opening paragraph, but you should elaborate it more in the body of the essay.  
  
You also have a number of grammar errors and some of your sentences are a bit long. I don't think the word "approach" is used correctly.  
  
I hope this helps
Nguyen, you lost track of what the prompt is asking you to discuss which is the measurement of your agreement or disagreement with the given discussion. Your essay deviated from the prompt discussion in your response and as such, created non-responsive discussion paragraphs as well. Therefore, this essay, though showing insight, will not be able to get a passing score in the actual test. If you do not discuss the essay according to the required parameters and touch on the required discussion topics within the body of paragraphs, then your essay prove 2 things. First, that you do not understand English instructions to the extent that it is required in an academic setting and second, you are careless in your writing techniques because you did not double check your response in accordance with the prompt requirements.  
  
Writing a coherent and cohesive essay requires you to stick to the talking points provided in the instructions. Your first paragraph is a total deviation from that reference, further adding to the failure of your essay. Make sure that you represent a discussion of each topic provided in the original discussion in your body of paragraphs because that is the best way to present your ability to clearly understand instructions, recognize important discussion points, and appropriately respond to the discussion.
Here is my ielts writing essay, I sincerely hope someone can give me advice.  
  
*Some people think that the amount of noise people make should be strictly controlled, while others say that people are free to make as much noise as they wish. Discuss both views and give your opinion.*  
  
## noise should be controlled strictly?

  
  
Opinions are divided on whether noise should be restricted. Although it seems impossible to ban people from making noise,My view is that we should at least take measures to restrict noisemaking.  
  
On the one hand, making noise is understandable because creating noise is sometimes unavoidable. For example, on the construction site, it is difficult for construction workers not to make any noise to finish their works. Also, noise-making is usually considered as a mean of recreation and stress-buster in our day-to-day life. Throwing a party with friends and cheering loudly for the soccer clubs that they support are popular in any corners of the world , and roughly impossible to be banned or restricted. It can thus be concluded that it is unwise to control noise seriously.  
  
On the other hand, the view that making noise ought to be controlled is reasonable for several reasons. Firstly, it has a detrimental effect on neighbours' health and productivity. Exposure to a noisy environment, residents are possibly prone to some diseases, such as headaches. Besides, disturbed in the evening, people, especially students, may find it difficult to focus on their study in the daytime. Secondly, noise-makers are morally wrong. More specifically, they only care about their happiness, even though they bring inconvenience and sadness to others. It therefore is important to ensure that people can live in a quiet neighborhood.  
  
In conclusion, making noise may lead to a serious of problems, while it is difficult not to allow it. From my point of view, people should show respects to people living nearby, and try to control the noise that they make, which can be beneficial to the people as a whole.
Hi. I see your writing style is natural and the flow of idea is spot-on. However it is inevitable to make some mistakes. Let me show you:  
  
being disturbed in ...  
~~It~~  therefore it is important  
From my ~~point of view~~ perspective. I think it sounds better.  
on the construction sites  
making noise is understandable ... I feel like this sentence is kinda iffy, so I'd write more simply like this: It is sometimes inevitable to make noise
Vince, when writing the 2 POV + Personal POV essay, it is always important to highlight the ownership of the statements being provided. When you do not use terms such as:  
  
A group of people believe...  
  
A sector of the population support the idea that...  
  
Parts of the population admit that...  
  
A sizeable number of the public...  
  
you fail to properly represent your response to the prompt requirement. Ownership of the statements clarifies that you understood that the first 2 parts of the discussion come from the public domain and the last part comes from your personal experience, knowledge, or opinion based on an assessment of the first 2 public opinions. Without the reference as to whose opinion is being discussed, the essay comes across as being totally from your personal point of view, which could affect your TA score. It is best to clarify whose opinion is discussed in order to prevent that. Remember, you are also being scored on the clarity of your discussion presentation. So the reader needs to know who is speaking and about what at all times.
**Task 2: One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?**  
  
## Improving medical care?

  
  
By virtue of upgraded medical health care, individuals have longer longevity as a result. Although this development has some positive consequences, I am of the opinion that its drawbacks are more significant.  
  
On the one hand, it is believed that great medical care can bring some positive outcomes to people for some justifications. Firstly, it is undeniable that the quality of medical care plays an important role in people's health. For instance, two patients with the same disease but anyone cared by a better medical treatment might have chances to recuperate faster than the other. Secondly, regions or countries which have modern medical treatments can have more opportunities to develop their economic. In fact, foreigners or people from other areas might be attracted by this modern system and they can be willing to pay at high price to be served.  
  
On the other hand, I am in favor of the idea that drawbacks of this development surpass the benefits. One reason for this view is that rising life expectancy can lead to grow up the rate of old population which might be not good for economic development. For example, a lack of young people who are primary labors in the future in Japan is one of the outcomes of population aging process. Another compelling reason for the idea is that people tend to rely on their modern medical care system instead of improving their health or keeping their body healthy by themselves. As a result, they might be less responsible and not take initiative with their health.  
  
In conclusion, it seems to me that the disadvantages of this problem are more remarkable than the advantages.
Mai, the approach to this essay is for the writer to develop a singular point of view response to the question. The instruction asks the writer to discuss whether the advantages of improved healthcare is more considerable when compared to its disadvantages. In order to write this topic, you first need to consider the question, what you know about the topic, and which side you can better discuss. The side you pick for this discussion has to be based on your personal opinion and knowledge.  
  
While you did use your personal opinion when you wrote the essay, you failed to pick a side to totally represent in the essay. Therefore, your answer is only partially correct or tangential in response. You must remember that when you opinion is being asked for or, when you are being asked to agree or disagree with a given statement, you must only provide a 4 paragraph essay focused on your defense of the side you opt to discuss. The 4 paragraphs will cover:  
  
1. Prompt paraphrase with your choice indicated in the thesis statement.  
2. An explanation of why you support the side.  
3. A fully developed example in relation to your beliefs  
4. Concluding paragraph  
  
A simple presentation as outlined above will make it easier for you to discuss the essay. By using only one point of view, you will allow yourself a little extra time to revise and edit the essay for content and presentation so that you can get a better overall score.
paragraph two  
develop their ~~economic~~ -> economy  
this modern system -> If I were you, I would use 'these advanced therapies'. I don't think 'this modern system' is a good pronoun for 'modern medical treatments'  
  
paragraph three  
lead to ~~grow~~ up the rate of -> growing  
  
Besides, it's kinda weird, becaues ,in my opinion, the example about japan you used can only embody the result of the low birth rate in Japan instead of longer life expectancy.  
  
I'm not native speaker, but I hope it will help you.
**The chart shows the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in Newport city center from 2003-2012**  
  
Hi everyone, it's my IELTS writing task 1 practice. I hope I can know the mistakes and ways to fix them. Thank you.  
  
## crime rate in New Port city

  
  
"The line graph displays the alterations in level in three main areas of crime in the center of New Port city between 2003 and 2012.  
In the general, the number of burglary incidents experienced the most noticeable change in the graph. Additionally, the figure for robbery was by far lowest during the research period.  
  
In 2003, the quantity of housebreaking occurrences was highest, at nearly 3500, while the figure for car theft was slightly lower, at almost 3000 incidents. At the same time, the robbery cases stood at only around 600.  
  
In 2008, after reaching its peak in 2004, at almost 3700, the number of burglary accidents declined dramatically and reached the lowest point of just over 1000. Similarly, there were slow falls for the figures of stolen cars and purse-snatching.  
  
In 2012, the quantity of stolen car incidents rose sharply to around 3200 and became the highest figure in the chart. This year also witnessed gradual climbs to around 1400 and over 500 occurrences in the figures for breaking - entering and robbery respectively."  
  
*
Dear Vuxlinh  
  
In your current essay, you are starting the last three paragraphs in exactly the same way. You will achieve a higher score if you use different sentence structures. For example, you can say "Burglaries showed the most striking decline of all forms of crime" and then continue to give the details. You should also try to use more synonyms - avoid using the same adjective more than once, even in different forms (low, lower, lowest). You have used "decline" and "falls" - which is good - try also words like decrease, lessen, sink, trough. Another suggestion is to include use vehicle instead of repeating "car". Also try mixing it up with phrases like "doubled" or "halved" instead of just giving the raw numbers every time. I hope this helps.
Hey..., after perusing your report writing more closely, then I will give you some feedback as to help you improve your essay. Let me start with the opening paragraph. This paragraph is good. However, the way you paraphrase the question is too close to the original prompt. Instead of changing the words only, I think you'd better change the structure also. You may us a passive form. A closer look my sample: *A brief comparison of three crime types in the center of New Port city is presented in the line chart, and the data is taken between 2003 and 2012.* The next point to be considered is the way you write the overview. A good overview should cover what you discuss in body paragraph, showing the main trends and differences of the data. The last but not least is sentence structures. If you want to reach a score of 7 or above in Grammatical range and accuracy, then you need to use a wide range of sentence structures. What are they? They are compound sentence, compound and complex sentence, a passive sentence, fronting, participle sentences, and so on, not just a group of simple sentences  
  
**Note:  
- Please attach a clear picture of the graph, so I can help you more.  
- Write some changes based on my feedback and post them write below this. I will see and share some insights on them**  
  
Thanks and Good luck,  
  
Eddy Suaib, *an IELTS teacher of English Studio Kampung Inggris Pare, Kediri Indonesia.*
## Should immigrants adapt to local customs and codes of behaviour?

  
  
*Nowadays, more people are migrating to other countries than ever before. In order to become integrated into society in thier adopted countries, immigrants should abandon their old ways and adapt to local customs and codes of behaviour.  
  
Do you agree or disagree?*  
  
Over the past 50 years, more and more people have been choosing to live in other countries rather than staying in their native countries. It could be the pursuit of better and safer living environments, more job opportunities, or simply the desire of tasting what the other countries have to offer. However, the flood of immigrations has caused a lot of problems and controversy worldwide. Out of all the problems, whether immigrants should abandon their own practices and follow the adopted country's code is one of the most hot debate topic. Personally, I think there is no need for those immigrants to give up their living habits. They can still keep their own religions, and believe in what they believe, as long as it doesn't affect others and doesn't violate the adopted country's law. Nevertheless, it is important to note that immigrations should follow the adopted country's law, since they are now citizens there. Take a rather extreme case for example, in some countries, it is allowed for a man to marry many wives, while in other many countries this is illegal. If people migrate to a country that doesn't accept this system, they should abandon this practice.  
  
However, immigration problems on this aspect can be more complicated. There are actually two kinds of immigration. One is caused by wars, political issues, or poor life conditions occuring in one's home countries. Immigrants come because of the above reasons are either minorities or have less power and resources. They are weak and , in my opinion, won't be able to influence the adopted countries' culture too much. The other type of immigrations, however, is like "investment" for rich people around the world. Nowadays, many wealthy people like to buy nationalities and migrate to other countries. Indeed, this type of immigration is the one I concern more, as these immigrants are powerful and are able to influence another country's culture, lifestyle, or even economy. For instance, Hong Kong is a popular destination for many inland Chinese to move to. Coming with their money and ambitious business minds, these wealthy people buy a lot of lands and houses in Hong Kong, and led to a fast rise in the house pricing there. Many local citizens that want to buy houses now can't afford it.  
  
Therefore, when it comes to immigration issue, I think we should first distinguish this two different types, and then specifically focus on the immigration of more affluent ones. We should enact more laws to protect the wealthy from changing or dominating the adopted countries.