dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Prasanth, the proper paraphrasing of the prompt depends solely on the way that you understand the topic for discussion and the method by which you are being asked to present the discussion of the essay. Therefore, the first paragraph should contain a clear representation of what you believe the topic discussion is. What do you understand from the meaning of the topic presented in the prompt? After you explain what you understand about it, present the next set of instructions related to the discussion. Either an agreement, a disagreement, an opinion, a comparison, or anything else that the prompt instruction may expect you to do. So these will be about 2 additional sentences to the first paragraph for a total of 3 sentences. I would like nothing more than to show you how to properly write a proper opening statement for your essay. If you can provide me with the original and complete prompt instructions for the essay that you wrote above, I will do my best to present an example to you that will best respond to your questions and serve as your guideline in creating the opening statement for this and your future essays.
## migration to and emigration from the UK

  
  
The graph describes the number of UK residents going abroad from the UK and overseas residents visiting the UK between 1979 and 1999, whilst the bar chart provides information about how many UK residents traveled to the top five popular countries in 1999. Units are measured in millions of people.  
  
The number of UK residents visiting overseas commenced nearly 15 million in 1979 and increased sharply to reach over 50 million in 1999. Furthermore, around 10 million overseas residents visited the UK in the first year before rising gradually to just under 30 million by the final year.  
  
In 1999, France was the foremost visited country by more than 10 million UK citizens, followed by Spain at approximately 9 million. The USA and Greece had about 4 million and 3 million the UK visitors respectively. Turkey was the least popular country visited which had only about 2 million UK residents traveled there.  
  
In brief, there was an increment in the number of visits to and from the UK and there were more visits abroad by UK citizens than visits to the UK by foreign people over the period given. Moreover, the most popular visited country by UK residents was France in 1999.  
  
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Sehat, the inclusion of the names of the 5 countries in the summary statement would have made the first paragraph more complete in terms of summary overview. It would have also increased the number of your sentences which would have helped to prove a more increased understanding of the information provided and thus, increased the relevant scoring portions. Your presentation is clear and understandable. It does not offer any stress on the part of the reader because your language was simple enough to be understood. Overall, the essay accomplished the task except for a little redundancy in the first paragraph which lowered the score to just a 5 overall. Good work though. I expect to see continued improvement over the coming practice tests. Keep up the good work.
@Holt  
  
Dear Mary,  
I try to revise my writing. Please kindly check it, and give me the score.  
  
*... the top five popular countries in 1999, namely France, Spain, USA, Greece, and Turkey. Units are measured in millions of people.  
  
As is observed from the given data, the number of UK (...) and climbed significantly to reach ...  
In particular, the number of international tourists travelling to the UK slightly improved since 1989, while number of UK people travelled outside rapidly moved upward after 1985.  
  
In brief, there was a clear incremental in the number of visits to and from the UK. To sum up, there were more UK people visiting abroad than number of overseas citizens travelling to the UK over the period given. (...)*
Hi Sehat, I have read your writing. I am gonna try giving you a few suggestions.  
Honestly, your first sentence is too long. As we know, we wanna communicate with readers, not to push them down to understand your writing. That seemed screwed up. I tend to agree that it's better if you did not include names of countries whole. That was sufficient on condition that you mentioned  
  
the top five popular countries  
Besides that, you don't the conclusion in the writing task 1 because you are only supposed to summarize the given information. That activity is well-known as making an overview. Therefore, you avoid using words " To sum up, to conclude, in conclusion, so on".  
  
Turning to your overview, that is a good job. However, you can impress the examiner more if you can make it more attractive. I suggest you can convert to a description in the real activity.  
  
Moreover, the most popular visited country by UK residents was France in 1999.  
IN ANY CASE, CITIZENS OF UK WERE MORE FASCINATED TO TRAVEL TO FRANCE IN 1999.  
For you body paragraph, if you wanna a higher score, you need a bravery more for comparing figures directly. The strong key to get the high score in the body paragraph is presenting comparisons.  
  
Hopefully, these can help you to enhance quality of your writing.  
GOOD LUCK  
^\_^
**Your neighbours have recently written to you to complain about the noise from your house flat.  
  
Write a letter to your neighbours. In your letter explain the reasons for the noise apologise.  
Describe what action you will take.**  
  
## grumbling about loud sounds in my flat

  
  
Dear Smith,  
  
Hope you are doing well. This email is in response to your complaint about the noise from my flat and to seek an apology for the inconvenience caused for the last one week.  
  
As you might be aware that recently my wife delivered a baby boy and discharged from the hospital last week. On this auspicious occasion, many of my relatives and dearest friends visited the house to congratulate my family. Thus there were instances where the noise was created by their children and I didn't realise that it reached till your home and disturbed to a greater extent. The situation was restrained from yesterday as most of them had left to their home already.  
  
I sincerely apologize for the inconvenience caused for the last one week and would convey the message to the other visitors to ensure the incident is not repeated.  
  
I hope you would understand the situation and forgive me.  
  
Regards,  
Jaya Krishna
Jaya, when you address your neighbor, you will have to be gender specific because you are using the last name of the person. The gender specific salutation is either "Dear Mr. Smith", "Dear Mrs. Smith" or "Dear Ms. Smith" for a single woman. Do not just say "Dear Smith" because that is disrespectful to your neighbor. If possible, include the first name of the neighbor in the letter. The rest of the your letter has a more respectful tone and accurately explains what happened along with an assurance that it will not happen again.  
  
The opening statement of your letter is a bit unclear. You practically just cut and paste the prompt requirement to a certain degree, before you confusingly used the term " an apology for the inconvenience caused for the last one week." The correct presentation should have been " an apology for the noise that caused you inconvenience last week."  
  
The closing statement of the letter should have been friendlier by closing with an invitation to meet the neighbor to see your baby or just an invitation to visit in general. That makes the situation light and allows the neighbor to see that you are truly apologetic for what happened.  
  
This is a good attempt at writing a letter. You have shown some improvement since the first letter that you wrote. I am confident that you will continue to improve based upon the way that you showed changes in your writing style in this letter. However, the score for this essay cannot be higher than a 5 due to the existing problems in the development of the letter.
**Some people believe that children will have a promising future if they are always rewarded by their parents or teachers when they well behave. However, others argue that if the children misbehave, they should be punished so that they could be qualified citizens. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.**  
  
## praise or rebuke?

  
  
Children's education is big issue worldwide. However, people differs as to how to educate their offspring being a successful and qualified society member. Many people suggest that children should be awarded when having a good performance, others believe that it is beneficial to punish children who has a bad behaviors. As I see it, we should place equal emphasis on those two measures.  
  
It is true that rewarding children will play a crucial role in the process of their growth. To begin, there is no distinguishing the fact that children need to be motivated, it is particularly the case that they receive a good academic performance or make a subtle progress. Awards will inspire them to behave better and better, thus forming a snow ball effect . Moreover, benefits from their teachers will promote pupils' awareness of competition in the class, for example, if A was oral praised by teacher in front of whole class, it might exert a psychological hint in other pupils' heart,"why isn't me that was praised ?". therefore, they might make every effort to do better than the pupil praised.  
  
However, education of children should not be restricted to "giving benefits". We should take punishment into consideration in the case of making mistakes or behaving badly by children. This may have an alert effect on them and prevent them from performing worse. As a result, they will realize that they will be punished if they do not comply with the disciplines or make mistakes. As the time pasts, several bad behaviors will fade away.  
  
In sum, I am convinced that it surely does good to children's education when it comes to those two main measures, and we should also pay more attention to "what time should I award or punish my children". I am sure children will be well-developed if their parents find the balance between them.
I'm confused a bit since both sides don't seem directly disagreeing with each other, and the word qualified citizen is also strange. So I will not evaluate your reasoning much.  
  
Overall, your essay has good structure, and you also did well in the first and the last paragraph as well as developed your idea well with reasons and example.  
  
Here is what I think you can do to improve it  
  
1. You may split the 2nd paragraph into two paragraphs. Two arguments were being made there which make it harder for a reader to grasp all the ideas if they were in the same paragraph.  
  
2. Pay more attention to grammars; this seems to be your biggest problem now.  
  
3. You should use something like 'one student' instead of 'A' when giving an example of one people.
## The road to work and air pollution

  
  
The given table and bar chart display the data about several categories of commuting pattern of people in Houston, Texas and how much the type of transportation contribute to the CO2 emission. Overall, it can be seen clearly that cars with only one person are the most common transportation mode and cause the highest emission of CO2 compared with the other means of transport.  
  
Car with just driver break the record as the largest percentage of commuters at 48% while cycle/walk only stand at 4% as the lowest percentage of travellers. Nevertheless, car with one person only obtain the second position when it comes to the average age of traveller category. The highest proportion at this category is reached by train or bus at 47 with roughly similar number on each type of transport.  
  
Apart from previous comparison, cycle or walk appears as the most environmentally friendly means of transport with zero emission. It is followed by bus or train with approximately only 0,01 kg of CO2 emission. Conversely, the most contributed on CO2 emission is seen on car with one person category which stand at 0,32 kg per person while sharing car category only release less than one-third of the highest emission.  
  
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Ainun, please remember that in the overview summary, you are not allowed to present factual data that exists in any of the illustrations. Instead, you are supposed to mention those only as general parts of the overview statement. The specific information, such as you have currently stated in your summary, must be included within the appropriate body paragraph instead. You must also present a minimum of 3 sentences there. Simply dividing the information presented in the paragraph into shorter sentences would have easily met this requirement and showed a better understanding of the paraphrased prompt requirement.  
  
Regardless of the problem with the summary statement, the work that you did on the rest of the paragraphs can be summed up in one word. Admirable. You have done a pretty good job of representing all of the information provided in the table and bar chart. While the grammar could be better and an in-depth analysis could have been better provided, you did well enough on this essay to possible score a 5 overall in an actual test.
As an additional feedback, reaching 6 or above is quite difficult isn't it? Even though you have written as flawless as possible, you only get 5 from one of EF contributors assessment. I might say that I do agree with her for certain extent, especially when it comes to your grammatical range and accuracy. Those are quite problematical and it is possible to hold your score range in around 5 or less. Let me show you some of them in the detailed descriptions below.  
  
- **Car** with just driver **break** the record (...) while **cycle/walk** only **stand** at 4%...  
- Nevertheless, **car** with one person only **obtain**  
- **The highest proportion** at this category **is** reached by train...  
  
- ...**cycle or walk** ***appears*** as the most  
- Conversely, **the most contributed on CO2 emission** ***is seen*** on car with one person category which **stand** at 0,32 kg per person while **sharing car category** only **release** less than one-third of the highest emission.  
  
Take a closer look on those words in **bold**, your subject-verb agreement is problematical. "Car" here is a "Single Data" not Car in its plural form. If you think that "Car" is plural, why did you write "cycle or walk" as singular? Thus, your writing is quite complicated here, there are lots of similar mistake regarding to that particular tense. This is one of the assessment criteria (grammatical range and accuracy) that matters for at least 25% of total assessment. Be consistent for all of the things, especially tenses usage, that you write on the essay and you will definitely reach your desirable score.  
  
Hope this helps :)
**Most people are not interested in how their food has been produced. They only care about how much it cost.  
How true is the statement? What influences people when they buy food.  
Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience?**  
  
## are people interested in food ingredients?

  
  
Answer:  
Nowadays, the perception of people about food has changed not only to fulfill basic needs but also as lifestyle. As a result, there are many considerations for people before they buy food and not everyone makes the same ways when they go to market for buy some foods.  
  
Most commonly, the limitation of time to prepare meal is one of the factors people choose and purchase food. For example, for people who live in metropolitan city and have typical work that need rapid time, they depend on fast food or junk food as main meal all day. Even in some occasions, this people do not have opportunity to spend their break time to visit restaurants around their offices. They just call a certain restaurant to order their breakfast, lunch and even dinner instead of spending more time in kitchen for cooking some foods and dishes.  
  
On the other hand, quality and taste are important for people as consideration to buy food. For instance, for people who have enough time for cooking, they will select the best quality of food materials and cooking tools. From the first step, hunting fresh vegetable and meat in the market, they will maximize their effort to buy the best food. Furthermore, they also use proper equipment and tools to cook as well as add special spices to produce high quality and tasty food.  
  
Lifestyle, the other factor, also will affect people to consider how they choose food. For example, for people who are addicted to organic food, they will spend much more money just for buying organic product such as organic vegetables or organic fruits. In addition, for vegetarian who usually consider the freshness of vegetable, they also place the quality of vegetable as the main reason.  
  
In conclusion, it seems that not all people consider cost as the only one reason why people decide to buy food. Even some people place on money as the top reason to get food, others have less attention in this thing, and they will voluntarily use some amount of their cash to buy food just to meet their satisfaction.
Hi @Aziz\_Gibran!  
  
Here's my take on your essay.  
  
1. ... food has changed. It does not only ~~to~~  fulfill theirbasic needs but also affects~~as~~  oneslifestyle. As a result, ~~there are many considerations for people~~ people take a lot of considerations ~~before they buy (...) for buy some foods.~~ when choosing the food that they are going to consume.  
  
2. ~~Most commonly, the limitation of time to ...~~ Lack of time to prepare a meal is one of the few reasons why people, especially those work and live in a metropolitan city, depends on fast food when it comes to their meals  
  
~~For example, for people who live in metropolitan ...~~ ~~Even in some occasions~~ In some instances, ~~this people~~ they do not have an opportunity to spend their break times ~~to visit restaurants around their office~~s. This would cause them to just order from other restaurant or fast food joints since it will be more convenient for them. ~~They just call a certain restaurant to order ...~~  
  
3. For example, for people who are ~~addicted to~~  into organic food, they ...  
  
4. The essay also does not agree nor disagrees with the given statement to be proven. You can focus on either agreeing to the statement by expounding the busy lifestyle of people or you can disagree to it by explaining that more people are now into a healthy lifestyle making them be more conscious about their food.
Aziz, it seems that you somehow understood the prompt but failed to properly discuss the requirements. The paraphrasing of the prompt topic is nowhere near the original topic, you did not discuss the extent of the truth behind the statement, and your experiences and other evidence presented did not align with the topic for discussion at all. What is evident in your discussion is that you responded to a totally different prompt topic. It is almost as if you decided to write a discussion on a topic you wanted to present, based upon the prompt topic provided. That is not how you write these essays. You have to fully understand the topic and the discussion requirements before you start even drafting a response. If you feel you do not truly understand what to do, then ask questions or clarifications from those who might be better at understanding the prompt. That is how you get better at writing. Do not be afraid to ask questions when you need to. That is how you learn and improve your learning / writing style.  
  
It is because of these problems that I sadly give you an overall score of 2 for this test. I am extremely sad because in the final paragraph of your essay, you actually showed that you understood some of the prompt requirements. It is just that you did not properly represent the discussion based upon the prompt instructions.Please do your best to understand and respond to the next practice test that you will be doing. I can sense your potential to write a proper essay. The evidence is felt in some instances in this essay. You just need to make sure that you do it properly next time.
## Wind Turbine characteristics

  
  
The diagrams illustrate how a wind turbine is designed for generating electricity and several options where a wind turbine can be placed.  
  
To begin with, a wind turbine consists of the steel tower, blades, wind sensor, generator, controlling house and computer. Steel tower has certain high, approximately twice as high as its blade. In addition, there are three blades that are made of fiberglass or wood. These blades are facing the wind direction, and there is also a wind sensor that has functioned as to control blade speed and blade direction. When the wind is blowing the blades, it will turn the blade and the generator will produce electricity with maximum output 1.5 megawatts. Meanwhile, computer in a controlling house directly connect with wind sensor. This computer is functioned to manage blade direction and angle.  
  
Furthermore, there are three alternative locations for placing a wind turbine. The first option is placing in a top of mountain. This site is the best option to build a wind turbine because the wind will flow in the maximum strengths. Second alternative place is putting a wind turbine in off shore, and in this site will give an advantage that the landscape will be not destroyed by the effect of wind turbine. While the last choice to place a wind turbine is in the near of human house, it means that it is not the best place because the output of turbine is only generating maximum 100 kilowatts.  
  
In general, a design of wind turbine has standard design and has main features that have important role. There are also many options to placing a wind turbine in certain site and each site has each advantage.  
  
* 
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Aziz, I am not sure why you attached the black and white copy of the illustration. The one with the keywords to be used in the essay. Were you supposed to use the words? If you were, I certainly did not find any references to it in the essay. Please clarify why you posted the other diagram as well.  
  
Your essay did not really deliver on all points of the prompt requirement. You were supposed to make comparisons where relevant within your summary presentation. This should have been done when you discussed the height and positioning of the wind turbine in comparison to the air and power generated at every level. Since you did not do that in this presentation, you would have lost a number of important points in the final scoring.  
  
Try to work on improving your summary and conclusion paragraphs. These are extremely short and do not really deliver on the required information for these paragraphs. Both are supposed to offer a summary overview , in the case of the opening statement, and a wrap up for the provided discussion, in the concluding paragraph. Neither of which are seen in your essay. So I think the best score that you can get for this essay would be a 4 overall. That is due to the missing comparisons and improper length of the opening summary and concluding statement.  
  
I understand that this is your very first posting here at EF. So I will not feel so bad if I were you. I have given you comments and advice that you can apply to your next and other succeeding task 1 essays. If you follow my advice, you should show improvement over the next few essays. I will make sure that you improve. I'll be here to help you every step of the way. Don't worry or feel frustrated. This is just your first try, there is plenty of room for improvement on your end.