dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hi Toan  
  
This is not a real IELTS test. It is in a book by Sam Mc Catter to build up flexibility in writing in general before practicing the test questions. It aims at improving the skills to find ideas and organize them. Since I started preparing for IELTS only one month ago, I want to focus on enlarging my general knowledge and skills in general before doing the practice tests.  
  
P/S. It's kind of silly but why do an IELTS essay must consist of more than three paragraph? As I am totally new here I would welcome your explanation.
*Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.*  
  
## technology and history knowledge - both important

  
  
Its very clear that now we have a variety of choices in all areas of life. I absolutely say yes and show some evidents to support that  
  
Frist of all , thanks for the development of technology, we have many options for activities in daily life. We have about hundred of channels on TV to watch, it can depend on age, aim,.... For meals, some people like go out , whereas the others order on apps , its very convenient for busy life. It's the same in shopping, many people choose shopping online instead of going shopping malls. Moreover, because of opening of many countries , people can go aboard to live with better conditions in life .  
  
Secondly, I mention about the different choices in studying and finding job. Nowdays its not important to study at a university. Students apprentice to save their time and money, its also a good choice. Last but not least, many kinds of job bring different opportunities for employees. In the past, people satisfy with a 9-5 job . But, now the employees who has high qualities welcomed by foreign companies . Besides, many people become freelancer , for example youtuber is a hot job with high salary  
  
In conclusion, having many too choices not only bring positive result but also many difficulties for people in live. So ít necessary think carefully before make a decision  
  
Recently, students in Vietnam have many subjects in school. One of them, History is compulsory for children from grade 4 to grade 12. Besides, they are taught Science and Technology subjects such as: chemistry, physics,.... Some people believed that History is one of the most important subjects.the others argued children should be taught about Science and Technology in modern world . This writing will mention both opinions.  
  
Frist of all, History was taught in all school in VN, because of some reasons . This subject helps children know the past, so they love what they have now. For example, after learning about wars in VN, student build their love with country and peace. Moreover, students get many experiences from ancient people. So now people do successfully some new things .Thank for the failure of Edison, now human makes bulb easier .  
  
It is very clear that Science and Technology is essential subjects in school in modern life . These lessons make learners closer to the development of the world . They can update the latest things which VN doesn't have such as Robots, subways,..... Moreover, students improve their imagations and creations when they learn. As you know, Robocon is a competition whose participants is students from different universities to create Robot . Students in this competition have good knowledge about physics, technology  
  
In conclusion, students need to learn about both History and Technology to become a good citizen in modern life
## free access to higher education in vietnam

  
  
Education is a national policy which is given top priority. It not only makes people better but also contributes to build a new society. Everyone, irrespective of poor or rich, has a right to receive a good education. Hegel said:"Education is the art of og making man ethical". I partly agree with making education free for all vietnamese children because it will make sure that nobody will miss education just because they run into financial. This even brings about a turning-point favourable to the growth of a society.  
  
On the one hand, a free-of-charge education brings much benefit to society:  
Frist of all, nobody wants to be a burden to their family, especially those who can't afford to pay for schools. Therefore, making education free will broaden their horizons, give everyone half a chance to develop themselves. Moreover, this will encourage students to go to school, motivate them to study, increase the literacy rate of country and maybe we find out a man of great talent but get lost to develop our country.  
  
Second, education with no fees will promote socioeconomic development. Everyone has a job to do , and there is a good healthy standard of living for all. In addition, people will be educated well, this will decrease crime rates, superstition...Nelson Mandela said that:"Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world". Investing in education is investing in country's development. For example, many countries applied this wise policy such as Finland, Denmark, Iceland, Norway and Sweden. They provide higher education free-of-charge for their own citizens and, until recently, international students have been able to study free too. This is one of the reasons why finland has the best education system.  
  
On the other hand, it is true that a free-of-charge will affect not only national budget but also topical questions. Many schools don't have money enough to build material facilities and pau for teacherd. This leads to the problem that a number of teachers will find new jobs because the teacher's salary isn't enough to cover their everyday needs. For instance, without money we can not pay for food, electricity and housing. Moreover, it is undeniable that there will not be more and more nensense receipts. Therefore, it is hard to find solution to troubles.  
  
In short, making education free for all vieynamese students have both advantaged and disavantages. Thus, i think that school fees shoulf be changed to suit every pocket.  
  
\* i need for your help. I will be grateful for your help. Thank you.
## trend of consumer-price index

  
  
The line graph illustrates general trend of consumer-price index and provides information about the changes in price of three food product groups from 1978 to 2009.  
Overall, it is clear that there was an upward trend in these products, albeit some fluctuations. Only the price of fresh fruits and vegetables witnessed a significant rise, which was higher than the rise in the general consumer-price index.  
  
Over this 30-year period, the figure for fresh fruits and vegetable rise sharply from 30 in 1979 to approximately 330 in 2009. Despite the same figure of about 60 at the starting point of the period, the changes in price for this product was the highest number compare with others.  
  
Meanwhile, sugar and sweets and carbonated drinks showed similar trends. After many minor variations, the number for sugar and sweets was 200 on the graph in 2009 and higher than the final figure for carbonated drinks at 150. However, they were consistently below the consumer-price index average after 1987, which rose rapidly from around 60 idén 1979 to over 200 in 2009.  
  
*
@helloitsdlinh  
Hi! Seeing as you're new here, I welcome you to the forum. I'm here to provide you with writing feedback on your essay.  
  
Firstly, generally speaking, I find that the general flow of your essay is quite put-together. You were able to incorporate an enermous amount of your writing skills into the entirety of the text. This has made your essay extensively well. I would only recommend trying to revise, for example, the last paragraph of your text because of the lack of clarity in the overall meaning. The second sentence (particularly) has quite a messy sentence structure. I would heavily recommend adding more of a simpler approach.  
  
Other than that, well done on your writing endeavors!
## IELTS TASK 2 : CORPORAL PUNISHMENT

  
  
***The use of corporal punishment (physically hitting students) in schools is in decline, yet it should be used to improve behaviour.  
  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?***  
  
Physical discipline in schools is considered to be controversial since educational environment has a notable impact on students. While corporal punishment is gradually restricted, some people hold the view that it should be applied increasingly in schools with the purpose of modifying students' bad attitudes. In my opinion, I strongly disagree with this point of view.  
  
Frist of all, it is worth pointing out there is overwhelming evidence that violent discipline adversely influences students. Undoubtedly, corporal punishment towards youngsters causes not only physical harm but also mental disorders in the long term. As a matter of fact, corporal punishment might become an obsession of many students over a long period of time. Moreover, reality shows that young people experiencing kinds of extreme punishment including harsh spanking and slapping in their teenage years tend to behave more aggressively in the first stages of adulthood compared to the others.  
  
Apart from some concerns expressed above, another drawback of physical punishment is that it appears to be inefficient in the name of discipline. When teachers hit their students to punish them, it is concerning that students tend to learn to behave as a way to protect themselves from harsh punishments, but they show no signs of internalization of changing their manners. It is widely believed that the main purpose of education is instructing students to behave reasonably by pointing out that their bad behaviors should be avoided and encouraging them to make positive modifications.  
  
In conclusion, I suspect that applying corporal punishment in schools is apparently disadvantageous to students and should be completely prohibited.
@amira11545  
hello Amira.. in my opinion, you already made a great essay. but i found that this sentence is a bit confusing : "When teachers hit their students to punish ...".. i can not find any relation to "teachers hit their students" and "the students tend to learn to protect themselves from harsh punishments". the next sentence is confusing too.. i think you want to write that the students will fight back because they do not have any remorse of their wrong doing.  
  
i am not a native speaker but i hope this can help you....
## putting in money into products in different categories

  
  
The diagram illustrates the percentage of consumers' cost on various products from five European nations.  
  
Citizens of all researched countries spent the most on the category of foods, drinks, and tobacco. Among the five nations, the three categories together account the most percentage of cost in Turkey.  
  
In each country, people spend more on foods; drinks; and tobacco than the other two categories of the product combined. In Ireland and Turkey, foods; drinks; and tobacco cost people nearly 30% or more money. Even in the rest of the countries, the three items still account for nearly 15% to 19% of their fortune.  
  
For the category of clothing and footwear, all of the countries spent around 5 to 10 percent of the wealth, while consumers from the five nations are only willing to spend around 3%-4% on education and leisure. On the other hand, citizens from Turkey use more than 40% of their money on these three types of products, while Ireland spent about 36% on them.  
  
*
## percentage of tourists who reached some of Edinburgh's attractions

  
  
The line graph shows how many travelers' percentages arrive four different places in Edinburgh, where in Scotland, respectively.  
Most people visited the castle from 1980 to 2010 while the number of visitors got the festival events is less than the rest of the places.  
There was a slight increase of about 6 percent from 1980 to 1985 before It witness a sharp rise to over 40 percent in 1995. Over ten years, the percentage of Castle decreased steeply just only 35 percent before reaching the lowest point about 30 percent in 2010.  
  
The tourist who got in aquariums extremely fluctuated between 1980 and 1990. It reached a plateau about 20 percent for ten years, then there was a decrease of over 10 percent from 2000 to 2010.  
  
We can see that the trend for Castle was quietly parallel to Zoo' tourists. Meanwhile, the percentage of castle maintained stable from 25 percent to 30 percent, the number of Zoo just got to around 10 percent and reached a peak at 20 percent during the 2010.  
  
*
hello~  
  
You need to rephrase your first paragraph since some grammatic issue happens in your sentence.  
  
You mentioned details of the stats but they scatter throughout your article so it's hard for me to see a clear organize of your paragraphs.  
  
Some sentences are quite confusing for me like **"while the number of visitors got the festival ..."**, try to use a straightforward approach to say it  
  
Best hope for your IELTS~~
## Writing task 1 - CamIELTS 10 (gas emissions)

  
  
This is my first task , please help me check it!  
"The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.  
  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant."  
  
*A glance at two pie charts provided reveals the relationship of using energy and releasing greenhouse gas in Australia.  
It is clear that the proportion of power which is using for heating is the most, while greenhouse gas emission is not equivalent too, also water heating has great contribution in 2 graphs.  
  
Standing at 42%, the percentage of heating is on top of using energy in Australia, followed by that of water heating, at approximately 30%, the second-highest overall. In stack contrast, the figure for other appliances makes up 15% and the rest, including refrigeration, lighting, cooling occupy trivial proportion, just 7%.  
  
In term of greenhouse gas release, water heating and other appliance are the major causes, with 32% and 28% respectively. In comparison with data of refrigeration and heating are almost equal, about 15% each. Both lighting and cooling is the lowest of contributing to production of total gas emissions, just 11%.*
@Thanggggg  
Hi. Good luck on your first task! I will try my best to provide you with feedback on your writing. Before that, I would like to note that it would be helpful if you could provide us with photos of the charts next time to help us with assessing your written work.  
  
With what I am provided here, I can say that you had quite a clear-cut approach to writing. This is appreciated, especially when you're required to write with ease the information and details that you have.  
  
However, I would recommend working on simplifying some of your messier sentences. For example, your second paragraph is quite unclear because of the stark differentiation between this work and others. The placement of percentages could have been neater to assist us in understanding your work better.
## compulsory subjects issue

  
  
**School should be a place where students work toward academic success and passing examinations. Skills such as cookery dressmaking, and woodwork should be not taught at school as they are best learned at home from family and friends. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Schools are the academic environment for students to gain intellectual knowledge and advance towards academic goals, therefore it is unnecessary to learn domestic skills at school. From my point of view, this statement is true to some extent.  
  
Schools are the place for academic targets and achievements. The knowledge students receive at school is undoubtedly important since it does not only change students' concept of the world but also prepare them for the future. The process of absorbing professional knowledge takes longer time and more effort than getting familiar to soft skills. Besides, basic culinary skills or needlework can be taught outside school or self-learned, while school subjects required to be taught by qualified teachers.  
  
On the other hand, adding these skills to schools' curriculums presents its benefits. Firstly, as these are vital life skills or even survival skills, students are certain to learn them at some point of life. Learning anything at a young age produces more positive results compared to learning later in life. Secondly, it is unfortunate that a number of adults did not realize the importance of these skills as children, then growing up regretting not learning them sooner. Hence it is worthy to get acquainted to domestic skills at school as part of the timetable since they will come in handy in the future. For instance, when students go to university and live on campus, they will be able to cook for themselves or do the washing.  
  
In conclusion, compulsory subjects at school may not include soft skills as academic knowledge is the main concentration. However, these skills should be considered as the complement for the curriculum for the sake of students.
@nimbus2k2  
Hi! It's good to see you again on the forum.  
  
First and foremost, you can improve your first paragraph by ensuring that you keep a structured writing approach. This, of course, means that you simplify your first sentence to create a more concrete thesis statement that will be the basis of everything else in your essay.  
  
I also recommend improving your overall argumentation when it comes to building the essay's foundation. Try to explain more thoroughly why there's a difference between these hard academic skills and domestic-based ones. If you can give out examples (even a small simple one), it would as well be beneficial for your text.  
  
Everything else in the essay is decent.
## Will libraries become obsolete?

  
  
**Students today can easily access information online, so libraries are no longer necessary. Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
Students are currently able to acquire information on the Internet in a much easier way than in the past. While I accept that online sources of information have advantages over traditional libraries, I would argue that there is still a great need for libraries in today's world.  
  
The development of the Internet is a breakthrough which brings a huge advantages for users. It is seen that the Internet has a wide range resources of information, which people only need a device connecting but can easily access into the reservoir of knowledge, regardless of where they are. For instance, I myself could get into Oxford library to read many references and books by an account although it is a far distance. Furthermore, a great amount of money and time could be saved by reading books and information from the Internet. As the example above, I do not need to go to England or waste much money whether I could accumulate knowledge from all the world. The money I pay online always cheaper than ever.  
  
However, the biggest problem of using the Internet is that there are too much resources of documents related to the information which you are searching for. There is no evidence to prove that all the information available on the Internet could be trust. This could lead to the disadvantage that people may get wrong data if they do not find carefully. By contrast, the references in libraries are usually from professors or appreciated by many experts. Another benefit of library is that this place not only contains copyright documents, but also a quite place where readers could study and read books. To illustrate, many students in my university do to the library on a regular basis to study and research.  
  
In conclusion, while I agree that there are great benefits of getting information on the Internet, I disagree with the idea that traditional libraries are no longer important.  
  
I' m very glad if you give some comments and feedback for me :>
@tranlinh171  
Hi there. Welcome to this forum! If you find any of this feedback helpful, I'll do my best to continuously assist you in your writing endeavors for the future.  
  
When you're writing and thinking of a way to put down details in your text, I heavily suggest that you try to add more substantive information. For instance, your first paragraph's opening line could be improved by simply stating that there's *increased accessibility to information nowadays.* This is a less rambling approach to writing as you can tell.  
  
The second paragraph needs improvement on the structure. Incorporate more punctuation to assist you in writing with clarity. This will also help you add more pauses to ensure that you dissiminate the text with ease.
## number of tourists in a city - graph analysis

  
  
A glance at the line graph provided reveals the proportion of visitors who traveled four difference attractions in Brighton.  
Overall, it is apparently from the data supplied that the number of tourists coming to Art gallery, Pavillion and Pier fluctuated whereas that of Festival remained almost unchanged during the period shown.  
  
One particularly interesting facts highlighted by the figure is that just only a tenth tourists went to Pier, they more likely to visit Festival about 30% but then the percentage of Festival slightly fell to around a quarter by the year 1995. Pier had a minor fluctuation and steadily went up during the period.  
  
When it comes to Pavilion which reached the peak at roughly a half in 1995 but significantly dropped about 30% in 2000 and remain decreased after 2000. Likewise, the figure of Art Gallery in the top of 38% in 1985 then showed a decelerate at under 10% in over two decades. Although, this was the lease popular attractions in Brighton at the end of period.
@sanbe  
Hello there! Welcome here. As I agree with the prior comment, next time just do not leave out adding the necessary graph to help us. Nonetheless, I'll do my best to provide you with writing feedback.  
  
Structure-wise, I heavily suggest that you try to add more details to your written text in terms of writing techniques to help you organize your text. This includes, for instance, punctuation and pauses that will improve the overall flow of writing that you have.  
  
Having said that and observing your second paragraph, I suggest that you add more details to your writing. Simplify your thought patterns to help readers understand your message.