dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## The most important things to learn

  
  
Some people argue that schools should focus on academic performance of students rather than their practical skills like dressing or cooking. From my perspective, I completely disagree with this statement.  
  
On the one hand, it is true to say that academic knowledge plays a pivotal role in schools. This is because academic performance directly influences the scores that students achieve in the exams which are an important factor when they apply for a job after graduation. Furthermore, without fundamental understandings, students can hardly succeed and progress in their domains in the future. However, I believe that placing excessive emphasis on academic learning can also be detrimental since not all students want or are able to pursue a career of a mathematician or a historian. Therefore, focusing attention on academic knowledge can be a waste of time and effort for those who desire to work in non-academic fields such as cooking or fashion.  
  
On the other hand, there are several reasons why schools need to teach practical life skills. Firstly, those skills are indispensable for people who want to become independent and self-reliant. For example, when college students live far from their families, knowing how to cook enables them to prepare the meals by themselves without having to dine out. Secondly, students who have acquired practical skills and been able to complete self-care tasks are likely to become more confident and possess a sense of responsibility. Finally, attending skill building classes can also be seen as an hobby which helps students to unwind after spending many hours on theoretical subjects.  
  
In conclusion, I hold the view that while test-taking expertise is important, students also need to learn practical life skills such as cooking, cleaning or dressing in order to be capable of taking care of themselves.
Since you did not provide the original prompt and there are several essays that fall under this topic, I'll just make a general review of your work. Let me just say this, the best scoring essays are always the ones that use the first person point of view (when allowed by the prompt) to offer an insight and / or experience as a part of the discussion presentation. In the second paragraph, the stronger of the two presentations was the one where you said "I believe that placing excessive..."  
  
Remember, the paragraphs should only contain 1 topic sentence so that you can focus on the clarity and validity of your reason. The personal statement would have been the better scoring of the two because it shows and understanding of the topic and an ability to clearly explain yourself based on personal considerations. I do not advise that you present more than 2 connected reasons per paragraph. It is the reason that an essay loses focused responses and clarity in the explanation. In this case, you went off track several times because you focused on reasons instead of explanations.  
  
Please provide the prompt next time. It is important that your essay be reviewed based on the prompt requirements. Without it, it will be difficult to truly spot your writing errors, weakness, and points for improvement. I look forward to reading your next essay soon.
## consumption of junk food among Australian teenagers

  
  
The provided line graph gives the information about the consumption of junk food eaten by teenagers in Australia over the period from 1975 to 2000. As is observed, the usage of pizza and hamburgers showed an upward trend, meanwhile, fish and chips declined over the period shown.  
  
In 1975, fish and chips were the most popular fast food to youngsters with 100% of consumption, compared to about 5% of pizza and 10% of hamburgers. The following 10 years, it showed the oscillation before plunging sharply to just beneath 40% in 2000.  
  
In contrast, the young tended to eat pizza and hamburgers. In 1990, the amount of consumed pizza overtook that of fish and chips, followed by a stability from 1995 to 2000. Hamburgers presented the fastest growth in 3 types of fast food, which passed over others in 1985 and finished at the begging level of fish and chips with the consumption at 100%.
The lack of graphic image as referred to in your essay will prevent me from properly reviewing your presentation. I do not have a comparison point for your information and what was actually provided to you for the report creation. What I can tell, is that you haven't written enough words to aim for a high scoring task 1 essay. you only wrote 154 words when a better scoring report would have contained at least 175-190 words. That type of writing is aiming for only a low band score. You may not be able to achieve a passing score with such a low word count presentation.  
  
This happened because you did not write at least 3-5 sentences per paragraph. By writing the proper sentence number per paragraph, you will be able to aim for a higher overall score. 2 sentences do not qualify as a complete paragraph. The standard definition of a paragraph is any written presentation with at least 3 sentences contained within. You only wrote 2 sentences per presentation, opting to use a comma to represent a new thought process instead of using a period to indicate the next sentence presentation.  
  
The presentation does not have enough of a simple and complex sentence mix to score well in the GRA section. Rely less on commas and more on varied punctuation marks to indicate your thought process. Show an advanced sentence composition method whenever you can.  
  
Please provide the image next time you post and essay. It will help me provide you with a better assessment of your work. Without it, I can only give you general reviews, which will limit the writing help that I can give you.  
  
(WARNING! DO NOT POST THE IMAGE FOR THE OP! DO SO AT YOUR OWN RISK!)
## Export earnings (2015-2016)

  
  
The chart below shows the value of one country's exports in various categories during 2015 and 2016. The table shows the percentage change in each category or exports in 2016 compared with 2015.  
  
The bar chart and table give information about a nation's export revenues from five different types of products in 2015 and 2016  
It is noticeable that all categories but gems and jewellery experienced an increase in export earnings. Although petroleum dominated the export industry in the mentioned years, the percentage increase was greatest in the textile category.  
  
Export earnings from petroleum products rose from roughly $61 billion to around $63 billion from 2015 to 2016, which was an increase of 3%. Engineered goods also went through an upward trend in export revenues, with an 8,5% percentage increase from approximately $57 billion in 2015 to $61 billion in the next year.  
  
Among the five categories, gems and jewellery was the only one to reveal a downward tendency. Its earnings decreased 5,18% from $43 billion to around $41 billion. Meanwhile, there was a minimal rise of 0,85% in the export value of agriculture products, from $31 billion to as much as $32 billion.  
  
Despite being the smallest income-generating export in the mentioned period, the textile industry went through a 15,24% growth in earnings from $25 billion to almost $31 billion in 2015 and 2016 respectively.  
  
*
The summary overview is creative but, it is lacking in representation. There are 5 categories represented in both the chart and the bar graph. So what happened to the agricultural and engineered goods growth trend? You should have made sure to complete the trending comparison based on both images . When you write a comparison essay based on several products and two image method representations, you should group the presentation by category. Since this is a 3 paragraph report, the representation, by group should have been:  
  
- Summary overview with trending statement ( you missed out on presenting the measurements used and category listing as shared by the images)  
- Petroleum products, engineered goods, agricultural products  
- Gems and jewellery, textiles  
  
By discussing the presentation by group, you will easily meet the 3-5 sentence requirement per paragraph and, you will also manage to stay within the 3 paragraph presentation. Both in a concise manner. Right now, the essay uses only 2 sentences per paragraph, with all related thrown into the presentation. It is difficult to follow and remember. By dividing the presentations into clear data sentence presentations, you will create a more coherent presentation.  
  
Overall, this is a good try. The clarity in the sentences are marred by the overabundance of information per sentence. Try to keep it simple. Do the comparative discussion by group to help with your clarity. Using related discussion topics and proper sentence transitions will allow you to do that. Do not just keep enumerating the information. You have to show an understanding of the information through a thorough discussion presentation. It is the discussion and / or analysis of the given measurements that is lacking at the moment.
## The problem of widespread starvation

  
  
**Topic: In spite of the advances made in algriculture, many people around the world still go hungry.  
Why in this case? What can be done about this problem?**  
  
World hunger is one of the serious issues that many nations have to face with nowadays, despite the development in algricutural fields. There are some reasons cause this problem, and solution to prevent hunger from expanding widely.  
  
The first reason that strongly contributes to widespread starvation is climate change. Prolong droughts, rainfalls or floods destroy crop, disrupt planting and harvest cycles, which affect to food production. Noticeably, the impact of extreme weather events often be seen in the poorest regions of the world that can make food shortage and famine become more serious. The second cause for world hunger is the proliferation of violents conflicts threatening lifes of many people in the world. Civils living in these zones often choose migrant to new land, where they can have difficulty making ends meet and live in poverty. For instance, civil war in Sudan, which has led to mass displacement and abandoned fields, has caused crop failure, soaring inflation and the apprearance of about 6 million people food - insecre in 2017.  
  
Facing with world hunger being expanding around the world, it is essential for government and large organisations to combine in order to deal with this problem. First of all, limiting the negative impact of climate variability in food production. This can be done by applying new techniques, using modern method instead of horizontal farming. Secondly, the government interventions can strongly contribute to food insecurity of the world. International government should implement laws and regulations to limit and eliminate violent, social riots, conflicts and wars, so that civils can have peaceful lifes, which lead to the minimizing in migration rate and encouraging food production. Further more, the government might pay more attention in expanding social programs for poor people such as donating food to food banks and community organisations, humanitarian food assistances...  
  
In conclusion, it is true that a significant number of people are suffering from famine in spite of the breakthrough in algricultural sector. This can be overcome by the combine of government, organisations and each people.  
  
@huynbin99
Being a task 2 essay, I do not advise that you write more than 290 words for this essay. With 337 words, I strongly doubt that you would be able to complete this sort of writing in the actual 40 minutes time allotment on the testing day. You are selling yourself short by not allowing yourself a pocket of time to double check your essay before you have to stop writing. Writing between 275-290 words will work best for this purpose. It will also allow you to aim for a better scoring consideration with the examiner as you will have shown that you can explain your reasons quickly in English.  
  
The prompt rephrasing needs to have at least 3 sentences. Actually, all the sentences in each paragraph should not be less than 3 but no more than 5. It has to properly outline the discussion you will be presenting so:  
  
*Advances in agronomy seem to not have helped the global starvation problem. A majority of the worldwide population still find themselves lacking in food supplies. I can think of 2 reasons why this continues to happen. I also have a clear idea as to how this problem can be provided with a proper solution.*  
  
Just do a clear outline of the upcoming discussion topics. Try to be clear about what your topic paragraphs will be about. Your current presentation isn't really as clear as it can be. I hope you can improve your presentation of this section in the future.  
  
Kindly remember that you will not have the ability to do research for your presentation at the testing center. Use only your common sense, commonly known information, and observations for that part of the essay. You have to practice not doing research this early on so that you will not become reliant upon it and fail the test on the actual day because you don't know how to respond without access to the internet.  
  
Your essay has several spelling problems that you could have spotted if you had done some self - editing of the paper before you decided the content was final. Always spellcheck, grammar check, and review for prompt responsiveness before submitting the paper. Correct what you notice to be errors so that you can get a better overall score. Your spelling errors have forced GRA mistakes. That means your lack of proper editing has caused severe LR and GRA deductions. The LR deductions will be due to the error in word usage. The GRA deductions will be based on the sentence structure errors. You also did not properly use the Oxford comma throughout the essay.  
  
Hopefully, you will have the time to read the sample essays here. You should be able to pick up some valuable pointers from the previous exam takers mistakes that you can help to improve your writing in your next practice essay. There are just too many existing errors in your current presentation for me to present and correct in this post.
## the percentage of first-time mothers in Australia

  
  
The chart below gives information about the age of women in Australia when they give birth to their first child in 1966, 1986 and 2006  
  
My answer:  
The bar chart compares the percentage of first-time mothers of different ages in Australia in three separate years.  
  
Overall, the age at which women gave birth to their first child increased over the period shown. Can register an upward trend about the proportion of first- time mothers in over 30 years old and the opposite trend in under 30 women.  
  
In 1966, the women who delivering their first child between 20 and 24 accounting for the highest percentage ( about 60% ) , compared to around 35% who were young mother, aged 19 or under. But after forty years, the ratio in these two groups recorded a decline sharply to around 33% and 15%, respectively. The 25-30 age group recorded a slightly different pattern, with a rise of around 15% during the first twenty years, and a decline of nearly 10% twenty years later, down to just over 40%.  
  
Moving on to the remaining age groups, the percentage of age groups 30-34 and 34-39 for first-time mothers experienced a significant increase in the 40-year period, from approximately 13% to 47% and from 8% to 30%, accordingly. The figures for women aged 40 or over register a fluctuate marginally around 2% and 4% during the same period.  
  
*
The first problem with this presentation has to do with the summary overview. You forgot to mention:  
- The years covered by the measurement (1966, 1986, 2006)  
- Type of measurement (percentage)  
- Specific age ranges (19-34 years of age)  
  
The above information should have been presented in a paragraph format. Your trending information seems to be missing some information. When you started the second sentence with "Can register an upward...", it appears that you started the new sentence in the middle as the subject of the verb (register an upward...) is missing. Did you accidentally use a period at the end of the first sentence? It could have been a smooth sentence presentation without the period and simply presenting the complete sentence by joining the two thought presentations into one.  
  
Be uniform in your sentence presentations. Always write a minimum of 3 sentences, no more than 5. Avoid the cop-out of using only commas in separating your sentence topics. Use more punctuation marks. Aim to score better in the GRA by using a proper mix of complex and simple sentences, with a dash of punctuation marks other than commas and periods. Study the advanced set-up of English sentences. That would help introduce you to the advanced usage of punctuation marks as well.
## television has destroyed communication skills between people

  
  
In recent decades, television's detriment has been a great deal of public attention. Although this problem can be attributed to a whole host of reasons, som feasible reasons can be considered to address this.  
  
There are a number of reasons that television has destructed communication skills of people. First, since there are thousands of TV shows are broadcasted, therefore humans tend to glue eyes into the TV's screen to get a sense of relaxation in lieu of hanging out to catch up with others. In fact, motions and attract contents from TV bring to people spiritual rewards, which triggers our curiosity. Second, by keeping immersed in television, humans are wasting a great deal of time and we can be turned to people with autism. This means that we have less time to spend for each others, and have a talk together, which makes spaces between us gradually.
First of all, is this actually an essay? Because, without a doubt, it is too short to be an essay. An essay should always follow this structure  
  
- Intro: Paraphrase the question, say what the essay would do ( which you already have )  
- Body 1 : Reason 1/ Explanation 1 . Example...  
- Body 2 : Repeat the same step as body 1  
- Conclusion ( which is the important part you've missed ) : Restate the task prompt and your opinion.  
Apart from your essay structure, your essay also has a lot of problem  
- The first sentence in the Into is wrong in terms of grammar and meaning  
- Move to your body paragraph :  
+a number of reasons ~~that~~ why television  
+ thousands of TV shows ~~are~~ broadcasted  
+~~attract~~=> attractive contents  
I will only point out a few. The rest you have to work on your own. But please take my note: Before working on the flashy words or collocations, you have to understand the basic structure of an essay and abide by it.
There are actually 2 different prompts that apply to the Task 2 essay topic you have chosen. Unless I know which of the two prompts you are specifically responding to, I cannot offer a complete review of your work. I do not want to make a mistake in advising you about the discussion approach because of the 2 different response styles required for each prompt question. So I will just offer you a general review of your work instead. You should remember to post the prompt next time you post so you can get a better review in the future.  
  
You really should e careful of your spelling. Remember, that in an actual IELTS test, you will be scored for the accuracy of your spelling along with the proper use of the word. There is no word "som" in the dictionary, but there is the word "some" which means "an approximation". Remember to spellcheck before submitting your essay.  
  
The phrase "each others" is incorrect. Saying "each other's", connoting ownership is the proper phrasing for the term. However, in the context of your sentence, the proper reference is "each other" only. That signifies one for every person.  
  
Since you wrote only 147 words for an IELTS test, you will automatically get a failing score. Remember that the minimum word requirement is 250 words. Try to achieve that word count with your next essay. Don't forget to provide the prompt also so that you can get a better review of your work. I cannot help you improve if I cannot properly assess the weak points of your written presentations.
## speeders, cell-phone users, and teenagers at the wheel

  
  
Nowadays, taking part in transportation is a daily work but maybe has risk to your life because of unexpected traffic accidents. It's very likely to say that dangerous automobile drivers contribute to the issue has been mentioned.There are three main types of them. They are speeders,cell-phone users, and teenagers.  
  
To begin with, speeders are dangerous drivers,which is huge factor in car crashing. When people drives with high speed, they hard to control or handle if the front objects stop suddenly. Therefore, that can lead to serious accidents with the high mortality. So if you are hurry, do not drive too fast, it's very dangerous. Maybe you will get to your places sooner a litle bit or you will ruin your life.  
  
The next kind of person who can create danger is cell-phone user while driving.By doing that, people can get distraction easily.They do not focus on driving anymore .Furthermore, they can not hear anything around even someone honks. Thus, they can hit other vehicle nearby. So that, do not do two things at once especially while driving.  
  
Last but not least, teenagers are also considered dangerous automobile drivers for sure. First, they are not allowed to drive if they are under 18 years old due to the lack of knowlegde about traffic laws. For examples, there are many traffic signs that teens do not know what they mean. So teenagers are always misunderstanding and go to the wrong ways. In addition,teenagers are not proficient in driving,they don't have much driving experience.Hence, that is very dangerous not for only drivers but also people on the road.  
  
With all the tokens have been mentioned ,you can recognize who is dangerous automotobile drivers. To keep you and your family safer ,you should avoid bad habits like speeding, using cell-phone while driving, and if you are not allowed to drive by law, do not try to do that.
You don't give us the full question/ task prompt so it's very hard to judge whether the content is on topic or not. Therefore, I'll only give you my personal opinions on other aspects ( mainly related to grammar ), such as : word choice, sentence structure,...  
  
- In case is a formal writing essay, we do not use the nominative pronoun " *you* ". This would make your essay have kind of " propaganda" sound and not objective.  
  
- Move to the first body  
+ "~~which is~~ " => " which are " > You can't use " which" to replace a clause in this situation. Because speeders are the cause of accident, not the characteristics (description) of the speeders do.  
  
+ people drive~~s~~. The second sentence is a one that I don't understand. Maybe there is some mistake when you translate your idea from your native language into English. This mistake also repeat throughout your whole essay. You should practice more on your word choice and the way you express your idea.  
  
+ " So " is not a adverb that should stand at the beginning of the sentence. It could be replace by " Therefore " , " Hence " , " Thus ", " Because of this ", " Due to this fact" ,....  
  
- Now the second body paragraph:  
+ There is no saying ~~" Create danger "~~  
+ get distract*ed* not ~~distraction~~ . If you use a noun you have to use it with a right valid collocation. Or else, be simple.  
+ ~~So that~~ : word by word mistake again.  
- The two last paragraph you need to figure out the mistake yourself.  
  
- By the way, you use too many short sentence, which could make readers kind of uncomfortable because of uncontinuous "reading flow "  
  
In conclusion, the biggest mistake in your essay is the way you express your idea simply by translating from your native conversational language into English.This is a common mistake that you should avoid. Try to translate a whole idea, not word by word. Furthermore, you need to work more on your style of writing sentences.