dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The bar chart gives the information about the proportion of spending on five different needs in four countries in 2009 and is measured in percent. Overall, with the exception of Japan, spending money on housing was the biggest percentage for all countries.  
  
The majority of the countries respectively United State, United Kingdom, and Canada spent most of their spending on housing while the most expensive spending for japan is food that is as much as 23%. Although japan's expenditure on housing is less than food at 22%, its number was still bigger than canada's expenditure accounting for more than a fifth. In comparison, japan showed the highest percentage on food while united stated was the least. By contrast, in chase of transportation spend, canada's expenditure was a fifth while japan accounted for one to ten.  
  
Turning to the internal comparison among the needs in every country, it is clearly can be seen that Canada and the United State spend more money on transportation than food while the reverse trend happened to Japan and the United Kingdom. Furthermore, the United Kingdom has the least spending on health care trend while the United States appear as the least country spending its expenditure on clothing.  
  
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Hi kiki23,  
  
you should utilize the country's name with capital letter  
- expensive spending for japan  
  
- Although japan's expenditure on housing  
  
- canada's expenditure accounting for more  
  
- japan showed the highest ...  
  
- canada's expenditure was a fifth while japan accounted for one to ten.  
  
Although japan's expenditure on housing is less than food at 22%---> use verb 2  
  
the United Kingdom has the least spending (...) the United States appear as the least ...---> you should utilize verb 2
***The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014.  
Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.***  
  
The presented line graph shows the total quantity of books being perused by women and men in Burnaby public library over four years. It is obviously seen that the men's reading desire for reading is higher than women despite both of them having an upward trend  
  
In 2011, nearly 4500 books were read by women then the quantity was higher to 8000 in 2012. After that, the number of books that had been perused by women increased about 2000 in the next year. The last, by the end of 2014, the number of books that was read in Burnaby library by women had tremendously declined.to 7000 books.  
  
3000 books enjoyed by the men reader in 2011. Then in 2012, it increased about 1000 books. By 2013, the total books that had been read by men had rose dramatically become 10000 books and it continuously soared until 2014 with 14000 books had been perused by men in Burnaby public library.  
  
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***The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014.  
  
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.***  
  
The line graph illustrates books read in Burnaby Public Library over 4-years period based on gender. Overall, it can be seen that although both men and women reading books showed an upward trend, an increasing rate was witnessed by them is different.  
  
In 2011, there was a close gap between man and women readers with books read by men at 3000 and 5000 for female. However, three years later, the Burnaby Public Library books read by men rose significantly to 14000 books whereas a less marked increase was shown by the other figure. This leads to a widened gap between them.  
  
In 2012, there were 4000 and 9000 books read by men and women respectively. Between 2012 and 2013, a slight increase was seen the female readers, while man reading book rose significantly to 10,000, making their rate level at the year 2013. In reverse, a sharp slum by 7,000 showed in female rate, whereas a significant growth of 4,000 was seen in males. This leads the male figure to surpass the women readers and reached its peak at the end of the period.  
  
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Hi Hujjatul19,  
  
Burnaby Public Library over 4-year~~s~~ period based on gender. ---> 4-year period  
  
... witnessed by themis different. --->it should be verb 2  
  
there was a close gap between man and women --->in academic writing, you should write "narrow gap"  
  
books read by men rose significantly to-----> adverb+adjective  
man reading book rose significantly to 10,000,---> adverb + adjective  
  
This leads the male figure ...--->it should be verb 2.  
  
Break a leg!
**WRITING TASK I (Unit 7 Page 76)**  
  
The charts provides the information about of pleasurable feelings of someone who have spouse and not have spouse in the US along with their glad feelings because presence of child in marriage life. Overall, the people who have husband or wife as life partner will be more pleasure over time rather than they who do not married. Additionally, all of the spouses are still keep happier even though they have or not have next generation or children.  
  
Based on the data, the first chart shows the people who are married in teenager stage to young adult stage (18-29 years old) are the happiest than all whose marriage after these stages. However, the people who not have spouse seems have happiness which lesser than the people whose marriage. But for people in elderly stage seems happier than all stage even though they do not married.  
  
Beside of that, the presence of children in all of marriage life not give significantly effects which different towards their happiness. Although, the people who have child in toddler stage until teenager stage (under 18 years old) are the most happiest than when they have children with age above 18 years old or not both of them.  
  
(182 words)  
  
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Hello @SarlindaDS\_27, I got some suggestions for your writing:  
  
1. The charts provide(THE) information about..  
2. Additionally, all of the spouses ~~are~~ still keep (TO BE) happier ~~even though~~(WHETHER) they have ~~or not have next generation or~~ children (OR NOT) .  
  
3. ~~But~~(BY CONTRAST/ON THE OTHER HAND)~~for~~ people in elderly stage seem~~s~~(TO BE) happier ..  
4. ... in all of marriage life (DOES) not give ...  
  
Please, pay attention in Subject Verb Agreement .. Keep writing :D
Hi Sarlinda,  
Here some correction that I find in your writing  
  
The charts provide~~s~~ the information (plural)  
  
feelings of someone who ~~have~~has spouse (singular)  
  
~~the~~ people who have husband (the is used when the subject you mean is clear)  
  
........people who do not have spouse seem~~s~~  
  
PS: you still need to find the flow of your writing  
  
Best Wishes
The breakdown of information regarding the sleep patterns such as asleep and awake of people who have five different professions according to Canadian research. Overall, it can be seen that students have slepping regularly despite of truck driver, while lack of sleep is experienced by doctor .  
  
Looking for the graph, from 7.00 am, marginally the majority of people already begin to do their activities where students are going to shcool and employess are bound by job towards their office. While doctors who heal the disease of patient have to come to the hospital earlier. In contrast, housewifes who undertake daily activity stay at house, nevertheless after finishing their job casually they are asleep suddenly. In the same time, truck driver has to take a rest a moment over 3 hours each morning and afternoon.  
  
Moving to the next time, from 10.00 pm, this condition is used by mostly people to sleep, however doctor is still waiting their patients to sleep. While truck driver have to continue the trip taking items or passengers to fulfill a request.  
  
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**Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance.  
  
Writing Task 2, Unit 8C, page 84**  
  
Over the time, some organisations has a standard requirement for their workers to use dress formally. Others agree that their workes do not need use dress like that, but their quality of work are the most valuable thing. However, in my opinion, it all depends on the activity that they do in the workplace.  
  
Firstly, some people have to wear formal uniform to go to work. I believe that this situation is because their job are relating directly to other people who use a particular product or service from their company. For example, the police should wear the same uniform everyday. Besides their appearance refflect their attitude, they can be distinguished by citizens for the service that they do. So, it is essential for someone who convinces other people to use their products or services by wearing a uniform.  
  
On the other hand, some companies have no requirement for their workers to use formal dress, because how the way they look have no big effect on the result of their job. For instance, a mining engineer is able to wear casual clothes to go to the field, because it is more comfortable to use than wearing suit and tie. Although they do not wear dress formally, they can still work optimally in the workplace.  
  
Overall, I think these views depend on what kind of job that they do in a company. If they have to offer goods or services with consumers, they should wear formal uniform. In contrast, if the company only need their contribution, they can wear infromal dress to go to the workplace. (265 words)
Hello Septia  
You have a good summary  
I have some corrections for you  
  
..., some organisations ~~has~~have a standard requirement ...  
  
... wear formal uniform to go to work as the company obligate for the employee to use it.  
  
I believe that this ~~situation~~ is because their job are ...  
  
~~So~~Thus , it is essential for someone ...  
  
because how the way they look have no big ...  
because how the appearance not determine about the result of their job .  
  
... clothes to go to the field. ~~because it is~~It is because they feel more comfortable to ...  
  
... dress formally, they can do the job optimally in the workplace.  
  
... views depend on ~~what~~the kind of job that ...  
  
If they have to offer goods or services with consumers... -->  
they would wear formal uniform for offering goods or services to consumers
Dear Septiadara, this is some correction from me and feel free to correct me too!  
  
... some organisations ~~has~~**have** a (...) for their workers to ~~use~~**wear** dress formally, **while** Others agree that ~~their workes do not (...) but their~~ quality of work ...  
  
~~However,~~ in my opinion, (...) activity that ~~they~~**employees** do in the workplace.  
  
~~I believe that this situation is~~**It is** because their (...) people who use ~~a particular~~ product**s** or service**s** from their company.  
  
... what kind of job that ~~they~~**people** do in a company.  
  
Regards
Hi Septia Dara  
  
here some suggestions for your writing  
  
wear is suitable for dress, so wear dress, not use dress  
  
some organisations ~~has~~have a standard (...) to ~~use~~ dress formally  
  
workes do not need ~~use~~wear a particular dress ~~like that~~  
  
......work ~~are~~is the most valuable thing.  
  
it ~~all~~ depends on (...) do in their workplace.  
  
Besides, their appearance reflects their attitude  
  
because ~~how~~ the way they look ~~have no~~ does not give big effect  
  
Best Wishes
Most of activities have their risks and some people believe that media should restrict distributing of the unpleasant news. Personally, I think it could be better to express more good news, but it is unavoidable to receive bad news in any way. Audiences and spectators should know what are the most important (negative or positive) occurrence have been happened around the world.  
  
Some people argue that, the express of negative news cause to depress people of doing any particular activities. For instance, they hear the news of motorcycle accident so they avoid using this vehicle. In other example, they aware of death or injury in sports competitions so they refuse to be test it in some way. They argued that bad news could prevent any safe stirs.  
  
On the other hand, there are many reasons for showing that the media should not limit their news. Firstly, it is a kind of censor and most of people condemn it. They do not like to be unaware about news. Also, it is a natural right of human to know the damages of every activity. In this case they could have proper decision when they know the risk of any function. For example when they know the affects of bad driving they try to drive more carefully not quit it totally.  
  
To sum up, it is undeniable that news will transfer in any press or social networks. People are exposure in many ways. In my own opinion, the best idea is to increase the knowledge of people that could chose and select the best way to decrease the probably risks. It means we could have well-informed audiences.
Hello  
You have a good summary  
I have some corrections for you  
  
Most of activities have their risks and some people believe that media ...-->  
Some people believed that the most of activities have their risks and media should restrict about the distributing of the unpleasant news.  
  
... spectators should know about the most important (negative or positive) occurrence that have been happened around the world.  
  
For instance, they heard the news of motorcycle ...  
  
As result, it is true that bad news ...  
  
... kind of censor and the most of people condemn it.  
  
~~Also~~In addition , it is a natural right ...  
  
For example when they know about the affects of bad (...) more carefully and safety .  
  
... undeniable that news ~~will~~would transfer in any ...  
  
Thanks
The bar and line chart given provide the data about the amount of expenditure spent on fast food, according to people earnings and the quantity of fast food consumption in uk during two decades. Overall, with the exception of fish and chips, fast food expenditure was dominated by people from high income salary; furthermore, while pizza experienced an upward trend, the opposite was seen in the remaining figures.  
  
According to the bar chart, the high income people spent more than 40% of their earnings to consume hamburger and its number is quite significant compares with the other two types of fast food while the least percentage of fast food spent by them is fish and chips as much as 16%. Even thought the percentage of income spent by the average income people to consume hamburger is also the highest, the least percentage of fast food spent by them is pizza that is 11%. However, the low income people consumes fish and chips the most with the total number is more than 15% and surprisingly, the least fast food chosen by them is also pizza with the total percentage as much as 6%.  
  
On the other hand, the line graphs showed that over two decades the trend of fish and chips and hamburger are highly increased with the number reached respectively is 500 and 300 while the amount of the pizza consumption is significantly decreased up to 200. It clearly can be shown that from 1970 to 1990, the fish and chips and hamburger experienced the steady increasing trend every year while the reverse trend happened to pizza.  
  
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Hi kiki23,  
  
The bar and line chart given provide the data about ... ---> The given bar and line chart.... , be careful with your grammar  
  
......food consumption in uk during two decades. ---->You have to write a nation's name with capital letter. it should be UK.  
  
However, the low income people consumes fish (...) is more than 15% and surprisingly, the least fast food .... ---> Your sentence is too long. please divides from "Surprisingly"  
  
... chips and hamburger are highly ---> it should be verb 2.  
  
the number reached respectively is 500 and 300 while ----> where's the measurement?
The table gives information about the plenty of medals won in the London 2012 Olympic Games by the top ten ranks of countries. Overall, the rank order was determined by the number of gold medals won; With the exception of bronze, the United States showed its superiority in each kind of medals.  
  
With total medal of 104, United Stated occupied the highest position in this game. It dominated the winning of both gold and silver medal, but in term of bronze, it came second after Russia showing its superiority. China took the second place in the number of medals won with the total of 88 and won 38 gold medals. Meanwhile, even though Russia's total medals was better than Great Britain's, the number of gold medals won by this country was not satisfied as Great Britain's. As a result, Great Britain took the third rank in table and Russia placed in the fourth position. Similarly, although Germany won silver and bronze medals more than South Korea, the rank of this country were lower than South Korea due to the number of gold medals won were fewer, just 11.  
  
Furthermore, Italy and Hungary had the same number of gold medals won, but Italy were ranked higher because of the total medals that they won were more than Hungary. Australia closed the top ten of this rank with 7 gold medals won and its total medals won was 35.  
  
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Hi Muhammad Edho Saifullah  
Here some correction for your writing  
  
by the top ten rank~~s~~ of countries  
  
the rank of this country ~~were~~ was lower than South Korea  
  
... same number of gold medals that they won  
  
but ~~Italy were~~Italy's rank was higher because of the total medals (there mush be the comparison if you use higher, such as higher than....)  
  
-Avoid repetition, you may replace won by earn or had  
  
Best wishes
The line graph below presents the information about the number of books read by people based on gender over four-year period at Burnaby Public Library. Overall, even though the trend of both variables is rising, the most significant growth was shown in male readers.  
  
According to the line graph, even though the increasing number is not identical, the number of books read by both gender was steadily increased during the first two years. At 2013, the amount of books read by women achieves the peak with as much as ten thousand books in total while also it intersects the number of books read by men. At 2014, it was experienced a sharply decreasing trend to 8000 books while the number of books read by the male had become 14000 books. The number of books read by female was steadily increased from 2011 to 2013 and decreased sharply for the next year while the number of books read by male was slowly increased from 2011 to 2012 and rose sharply for the next two years.  
  
At more detail look at, the growth of the number of books read by female continued to increase and reach 9000 by the end of 2013 but it experienced a sharply decreasing trend and reached 7,000 by 2014. In contrast, the growth of the number of books read by male experienced a sharply increased trend since 2012.  
  
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Hello @kiki23, I got some suggestions for your writing:  
  
... at Burnaby Public Library, (FROM 2011 to 2014).  
... trend of both variables ~~is rising~~ (ROSE), the most significant ...  
  
... the increasing number ~~is~~ (WAS) not identical, the number of books (...) ~~was~~ steadily increased during ...  
At 2013, the ~~amount~~ (NUMBER) of books read by women achieve~~s~~ (D) the peak with (...) while also it intersect~~s~~ (ED) the number of ...  
... a sharply decreas~~ing~~ (E) trend to 8000 books ...  
... books read by female ~~was~~~~steadily~~ increased (STEADILY) from 2011 to 2013 (...) books read by male ~~was~~(it should be active , right?) slowly increased from ...  
  
... it experienced a sharply decreas~~ing~~ (E) trend and (...) a sharply increase~~d~~ trend since 2012.
Hi kiki23, I'm trying to make some comments  
  
... by both gender was ~~steadily increased~~a steady increase during the first two years  
It is better for you to use noun phrase than to make it passive.  
  
... books read by women ~~achieves the peak~~achieved a peak~~with~~at as much as ten ...  
Because it is already happen, so use past tense than present tense  
  
... continued to increase and ~~reach~~reached to 9000 ~~by~~in the end of 2013  
Use same tense before and after 'and', in this sentence, you use past tense at the first than you should use past tense as well at the end  
  
Thank you
Hi kiki23,  
  
There are many grammatical error, it should be use verb 2 (it cause in the past):  
  
- ... trend of both variables is rising,  
- ... the increasing number is not identical,  
- ... books read by women achieves the peak with as much  
- and reach 9000 by the end of 2013  
- ... books read by women achieves the....  
  
You have to write adjective after adverb:  
  
- and decreased sharply for the next ...  
- rose sharply for the next two years.  
  
It should be "In" to reveals year:  
  
At 2013,  
At 2014,  
  
Break a leg!
The given bar chart and table perform the information regarding the number of population in Japan during more one century from 1950 to 2055 years, measured by percentage and millions. Overall, it is really important to notice that the highest population happened in year 2005 and experienced change after restriction having children that will be predicted downward in the future years.  
  
Initially, the amount of inhabitation stood at 4,1 millions people in the fisrt year which had percentage about one in twenty. Then it was followed in the next years that rose considerably reached 34 % from percentage of total population. Suprisingly, It was the largest one over fourty five years.  
  
Eventually, by implementing a brilliant program, families who live in whole regions of Japan have to obey the rule to limit the number of children. As the result, the population of resident is decreasing gradually reached 125,4 millions people in 2005. Interestingly, it will experience an upward enormously in the last year approximately twenty millions percent of total population.  
  
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@Delvisyendra  
As I'm also trying to sit for IELTS, my comments might not be very useful. But these are the things I noticed with your essay:  
  
- I don't see any information about 'Child Birth Restriction' or 'Birth control' in the graph. I feel like adding that information is not necessary.  
  
- You should focus on the projection given in the graph (i.e 2035 and 2055)  
- Some sentence structures are not clear and I don't understand full meaning of such sentences.  
Best of luck! Cheers!
Hi Delvisyendra,  
  
I have few suggestions for you  
  
....... in Japan during more one century from 1950 to 2055 years, ---> Perhaps you can use "over a century" to make it clear.  
  
....the amount of ....---> You can't use amount for countable goods or stuff.  
  
...inhabitation stood at 4,1 millions..... ----> It means residence, it should be "inhabitant"  
  
.....people in the fisrt year which had ... ---> be careful with your misspelling.  
  
by implementing a brilliant program, families who live in whole regions of Japan have to obey the rule to limit the number of children. ----> You can't make up story for this case. Be careful.  
  
will experience an upward enormously in the last year approximately ---> You have to put adverb at first then adjective