dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Funds for Health, Space, Energy, and Other 1980-2008 in the usa

  
  
The given chart illustrates how much money used by US government for Health, Space, Energy, and Other over 28 years from 1980 to 2008.  
It is clear that while the expenditure for Health, Space, Energy increased, the opposite was true for the Other category over the period shown .Health always accounted for the largest share of Government Spending in each year.  
  
In 1980, the U.S government spent approximately 8 billion dollar on Health, compared with only 2.5 billion for Energy. Four years later, the expenditure for Health witnessed a drop of 2 billion before dramatically increasing to the highest point of 21 billion in 2004, followed by decreasing to 19 billion in the last year. Meanwhile, the amount of money spent on Energy remained unchanged within 12 years before rising to 5 billion in 1996. During the rest of the period, the figure for Energy saw a slight growth to roughly 6 billion.  
  
Look at the other category, US administration used a similar amount of money for Space and the Other at 6 billion at the staring of the research. During the research, government budget poured into Space tended to rise, finishing at just under 10 billion dollars. At the same time, the quantity for Other fluctuated throughout the period and ended at 6 billion at the end of the period.  
  
*   
*chart*
Your review is incomplete. The graph clearly shows a blue line pertaining to information regarding General Science expenditures. You never once mentioned the figures for general science throughout your data presentation and analysis. You have to remember that you are presenting this report to an audience of scientists and economists who will have to consider all of the information as complete for their own research purposes. When you do not provide complete information, you will be misinforming them, leading to an inaccurate conclusion on their part. You have to consider what audience you are writing this essay for so that you will know exactly how to approach the information presentation, what tone to use in your writing, and what information to highlight. In this instance, you did an acceptable job although lacking in certain aspects of information dissemination.  
  
With regards to your numerical references, a dollar is a single amount of the said currency. When you refer to 8 billion, you are referring to a plural form of the currency so dollar then becomes dollars, indicating the plural representation of the currency being mentioned. Additionally, you do not ask the reader to "look at the other category". The correct framing of the phrase is "Looking at other categories". Looking indicates an action in process, which is what you were doing when you wrote the data and "categories" signifies the plural number of sections within the graph. You seem to have a problem with referring to the singular and plural forms of words. You need to brush up on the rules pertaining to that and also, try to familiarize yourself with the plural form of basic everyday words that could be useful in your future writing.
## HOMEWORK TOPIC IELTS TASK 2

  
  
SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT SCHOOL CHILDREN SHOULD NOT BE GIVEN HOMEWORK BY THEIR TEACHERS, WHEREAS OTHERS ARGUE THAT HOMEWORK PLAYS AN IMPORTANT ROLE IN THE EDUCATION OF CHILDREN. DISCUSS BOTH OF THESE VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION.  
  
People's opinions differ as to whether homework is necessary to educate children or not. To a certain extent, I believe homework still plays a significant role in helping children excel at school.  
  
On the one hand, critics argue that homework is no longer an effective tool to impart knowledge to children. Children should have more free time for leisure activities and sports, which are essential for them to achieve work-life balance after heavy workload at school. In addition, homework is not the only way to educate children. Through outdoor activities interacting with peers and society, children are likely to learn more practical skills than just sitting for hours doing homework. It is recognized that play time is just as beneficial as study time from the perspective of brain development.  
  
On the other hand, I support the view that homework has an important role to play in the schooling of children. Indeed, it takes time to memorize new concepts or terminologies and homework is a simple way to assist children to review what they have learnt. Practice makes perfect so children definitely need homework to get a better grasp of a particular subject. Children can also learn how to apply the knowledge they learn at school into practical circumstances and examples which makes things more comprehensible. In addition, homework can keep children's mind busy so they will not be distracted by detrimental hobbies such as watching TV or playing video games compulsively.  
  
In conclusion, I believe homework is indispensable for children's education and children will gain more than they lose from doing homework.
Why are you responding to this essay in a measured response when it is a comparison with personal point of view essay? This is a 5 paragraph essay presentation. You turned this into a personal opinion only essay. There is no clear public point of view discussion. You are merely representing your personal opinion throughout rather than presenting an explanation of each public opinion and then basing your personal opinion on the comparison discussion. You are going about this essay all wrong. The correct format is:  
  
- Paraphrase  
- Public point of view 1 using 2nd or 3rd person / group pronouns  
- Public point of view 2 using 2nd or 3rd person / group pronouns  
- Personal opinion using first person pronouns based on the previous comparative reasoning paragraphs  
- Concluding paraphrase  
  
Your essay is only partially correct in response and will be given a score based on the partial consideration. Next time, analyze the discussion instructions before writing your response. Make sure that you respond in the format applicable to the discussion. In this case, there is no measured response, only a compare and contrast discussion with a personal opinion thrown in as the 3rd reasoning paragraph. Then you conclude the essay by summarizing the discussion points you presented in the 3 reasoning paragraphs. Make sure to always represent the public discussions properly. These will be used to measure to ability to properly address the GRA considerations for grammar structure, punctuation marks, and complexity of your sentences.
@leminhvu1992  
I think you have misunderstood the requirement of this essay. It requires you to discuss both views, not to give your opinion on homework. Your thesis statement is wrong.  
  
You also used the subject 'I' in the second paragraph, which is wrong.  
You dis show your opinion, but in an improper way. You should have included 1 more paragraph to show that  
Your closing paragraph is too short
*Topic:  
## Wealthy nations should assist poorer countries with humanitarian relief during natural disaster.

  
**Do you agree or disagree?***  
  
There is opinion that in time of catastrophe, wealthy nations should provide less prosperous one with humanitarian aid. I agree with this viewpoint because the support from rich countries will help reduce the damage of the disaster and strengthen the international influence of the countries providing the relief.  
  
Firstly, humanitarian relief from wealthy countries helps reduce the devastating effect of the disaster. Poor countries are vulnerable in case natural disaster happens as they do not have enough resources to help all of their people. As a result, if other countries do not provide support, many people will die and famine and epidemic will happen after the disaster due to the shortage of food and medical care. For instance, the earthquake in Haiti in 2010 led to massive death and food shortage. In addition, as the infrastructure was destroyed, injured people didn't receive enough medical support. But for the help from other countries, Haiti couldn't have recovered from the disaster.  
  
Secondly, by helping poorer countries in time of catastrophe, wealthy nations can increase their international influence. "A friend in need is a friend in deed". By providing support to poorer countries in time they need it the most, the countries providing assistance will win people's minds and hearts. This is beneficial to them in closing favorable international deals in the future. For example, Japan has been giving Vietnam a lot of humanitarian aid whenever Vietnam experiences a disaster. As a result, Japan has won many million-dollar worth contracts in constructing infrastructure in Vietnam without any objection from Vietnamese people.  
  
In conclusion, I agree that developed nations should provide humanitarian relief to less developed one in time of disaster as it will help reduce the suffering of the people in these countries and benefit the countries providing support in term of gaining soft-power worldwide.  
  
*I would appreciate all your comments. Thank you*
There is a lack of coherence in your reasoning presentation. You did a good job in presenting the reason why rich countries should help the poor ones during a disaster. However, you did not qualify the example that you gave. By qualifying your example, I mean you should have used the second paragraph to further develop the explanation as to how the relief given by the rich countries helped Haiti recover from the earthquake. By doing the following, you will have presented a cohesive and coherent reasoning discussion in your essay:  
  
Par. 2: Earthquake disaster relief from other countries helped Haiti recover  
Par. 3: Examples of how the relief was used in the recovery of the country that had a positive result for Haiti. This will be the justification for the need for aid.  
  
Such a presentation would have shown a fluid explanation of your reasoning. Cohesiveness comes from the relation of the reason (aid during the earthquake) to the result (recovery of Haiti from the disaster). The coherence will come from how well you relate the explanations using appropriate vocabulary and transition sentences between the paragraphs.  
  
Try to use 3 sentences minimum for the prompt paraphrase and concluding paraphrase. Don't combine topics into one sentence. You are aiming to show your ability to use a mix of simple and complex sentences in every paragraph presentation. You will score better when you prove that ability in the paraphrase sections.
**Please review my essay. Tks**  
  
## The line graph IELTS TASK 1

  
  
The line graph depicts how popular free time activities was that the US elderly took part in during the period of 1980 and 2010, namely reading, hiking, theatre, watching TV and Surfing the Internet.  
  
Overall, the number of people joined in watching TV was the most, as an opposite pattern in that of surfing the Internet. In addition, there was an upward trend in proportion of watching TV, hiking and surfing the Internet. However, the figure for reading and theatre fluctuated significantly.  
  
Looking at the details, in 1980, the percentage of watching TV was the most, at 60%, which was 40% more than hiking's, and was over 12 time as much as that of surfing the Internet. After that,the portion of watching TV reached a peak at 70% in 2000 before declining modestly in 2010. Nonetheless, time witnessed a sharp increase in how many people joined in hiking activity which overtook the number for watching TV and became a new dominant activity at the end of the period with over 80% being took up, which was followed by surfing the Internet, at 50% in 2010.  
  
Nevertheless, there was a considerable decrease in the part of theatre, which then went up to over 45%. Finally, time registered a wild fluctuation in the figure for reading, which bottomed at 20% in 2000 before climbing steeply to 60% at the end of the examined course.  
  
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With only 20 minutes to write this task by hand, you should not be able to write 232 words. That kind of word count means you will have cut into the Task 2 writing time. Remember, you should only write between 175-190 words for this task. That word count ensures that you will stay within the given time frame and also, meet the revising guidelines to perfect your presentation before the time is up on this section of the test. The number of words that you have written is more suited, with some additional words, to a Task 2 essay. The task 1 essay requires you to be direct in reporting the facts. with as little elaboration as possible due to time constraints.  
  
There are errors in your summary overview. You should have indicated that the years reported range from the 1980's to the 2010's. These are the time ranges indicated in the original image and should have been referred to as such. There is a difference between 1980's to the 2010's and "the period of 1980 and 2010". The former refers to inclusive decades and the latter, refers to only 2 specific years. Since the Task 1 essay requires information accuracy, you must make double sure that your data is always correct otherwise you misinform the reader.  
  
You also did not notice something obvious when you initially look at the image. The numbers for hiking, while increasing in popularity, also had an overlapping trend with reading, theater, and watching TV. That means that at certain points, hiking and other activities had equal popularity among the elderly as free time activities during specific decades. You need to make sure that information like that is included in your report because you need to use all of the information, in relation to the era's represented, in your data presentation.
## Is a "complicated" hobby more respectable?

  
  
These days, it is considered that pastimes require more of a challenge. In my opinion, both kind of hobbies can bring you joy and I strongly disagree with the idea that leisure time has to be complicated and uneasy to get.  
  
To start with, there are many people find straightfoward entertainment interesting. One reason behind that is people do not have to take a lot of time or become skilfully. Furthermore, modern equipments are not needed as they do not pay amount of money on that. For example, I enjoy drawing since I was a child but actually I do not do it well. Despite that, I feel enjoyable as I can do whatever you want.  
  
On the other hand, there are other type of hobbies which are relatively as difficult tasks. For this reason, it may need a lot of hard -working and practice to gain success.Moreover, there are those peple who are ready to splash out to feel a sense of achievement on passion as sky-diving, feeding a tiger,... For instance, the piano are expensive and I had to try to read music and play both hands to play it. As a result, it took me more than a year to do it but now, I am proud that I am able to perform in front of everyone as a accomplishment.  
  
To conclude, all kind of pastimes can be fun and exciting. I personally trust that if we are interested in it, we will never think it boring.
You have not properly responded to the prompt. You were not supposed to offer an opinion regarding a topic not being asked in the original prompt. You will get marked down for creating an additional discussion point, which altered the original prompt presentation in your paraphrase. The real question dealt with the degree of your dis/agreement with the given statement. Your opinion was not being asked for. This is not a compare and contrast essay with a personal point of view discussion. This is only a degree essay that asks you to defend one opinion. Your statement about how both kinds of hobbies can bring joy is out of place. It should have been placed in the reasoning paragraphs instead as a topic sentence.  
  
Your line of reasoning regarding drawing is incorrect. You enjoy drawing, you are not good at it, so it cannot be a hobby for you. The focus of the discussion is on hobbies. A hobby is defined as: A hobby is a regular activity done for enjoyment, typically during one's leisure time, not professionally and not for pay.Since you do not draw regularly, that is not a hobby and should not have been used as the example in this paragraph.  
  
The second paragraph is so badly written that it does not make sense to a native English speaker. Why on earth would someone want to feed a tiger as a hobby??? Skydiving? You are way off base in this discussion because you are talking about using money to enjoy a hobby when the point of the essay is all about whether people need to do a difficult, not expensive, hobby in order to enjoy. You totally missed the mark here and your TA score will reflect that by falling under 1, which means your whole discussion did not follow the prompt requirements for the topic and formatting.  
  
In this case, the other errors will be irrelevant because the TA score will already prevent you from reaching a passing score. Next time, make sure your discussion falls under the expected discussion parameters of the original prompt. Stay on topic, do not deviate. If you feel you do not understand the given topic, then read sample essays before you write your own response or, have someone explain the prompt to you before you begin writing.
The essay tends to be redundant in statements. You mention the same information about charging the vehicle more than twice throughout the essay. I guess the main problem stems from how you did not properly outline your essay before writing the discussion. The thesis statement should be clear about what the discussion is. My thesis statement would be similar to:  
  
*Electric vehicles are slowly catching on as popular modes of in-town transportation. It is best used for short trips around the city, where the possibility of running out of battery charge is low. It is the problem with battery mileage and trip restrictions that make the EV an ill advised car for long or out of town trips. However, that problem is slowly being addressed by EV manufacturers, specifically, the EV cars coming out of the Tesla plant in China. It is important to understand what sort of usage drawbacks exist for EV owners and how those problems are slowly being resolved.*  
  
If you properly outline the discussion points and purpose of your research, you will remove the redundancies in the paragraph presentations. The succeeding paragraphs could be better informed if you use the following paragraph outline:  
  
- Benefits of using an EV in-city  
- Possible benefits of long range EV use  
- Problems of using an EV in-city and long range  
- Charging adapter and station issues  
- Proposed solutions  
- Future outlook for EV as long range use vehicles  
  
Creating a more solid discussion outline that targets specific discussion points relevant to the discussion will create a less redundant and more informative presentation.
## Computers and other electronic novelties are important to our life

  
  
Computers are often argued to be the most important invention of the last hundred years. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?  
  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  
  
Computers and other modern equipments has been discussed by some people to see which one is the more important invention of over the last decades. On this essay, I would discuss from my view that the other moderns are also important to our life.  
  
On the one hand, from the day we have got the inventions such as computer, smart phones...it is undeniable that computeer and laptop are essential tools in our daily life, even in work or social context, computers help us to work more effectively because it can store many important data, people can do many tasks at the same time like send email to notice about work or meeting invitation in a short time.  
  
On the other hand, with the progress of science, many others have made such as cars, planes, subways, if these inventions had not happened, it would be impossible to travel internal or international so easily as these days. In addition, smart phones is also a part of this modern society as it help us to connect and to keep in touch with family and friends.  
  
To conclude, despite the major contribution of computers in easing our professional lives, I believe that others crucial inventions have been made in the last century. Personally, I feel that transport revolution has simplified our lives as much as computers did.
There are two problems that will cause this essay presentation to fail. The first and foremost problem, is that you wrote under the minimum word count. The word count is the first thing that the examiner will check for. Since you wrote only 223 words out of the 250 minimum, you will be receiving points deductions for the remaining 27 words that are missing from your essay. That is the bad news. Now for the worst news.  
  
You changed the prompt discussion from:  
  
*OP: To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?*  
  
to:  
  
*YP: I would discuss from my view that the other moderns are also important to our life.*  
  
Due to the unrelated response to the prompt, your TA score will immediately be a 1. So the 1 score for the unrelated response, plus the word deduction problem and, you guessed it, the essay will get an automatic failing score. Next time, make sure you write at least 250 words that fully discuss the prompt topic based on the discussion instruction that was provided. If you fail to do that, you will never get a passing score.
## Films for fun or for education?

  
  
Movies have always been considered as advantageous tools causing special changes in the human life. While a number of people think that educational factors should be placed in every movie, others belive that the only purpose of watching films is to get amusement. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument in detail and provide evidence as to why movies should be used for educational purposes.  
  
On the one hand, movies which include educational value are great sources for leaners since they enable them to understand information about almost every field of study without spending time at schools. Indeed, as students are becoming more tired of being at schools, this way of visual learning can allow them to look into the lives of different characters relating to academic knowledge. For example, some movies can give their audiences a wide knowledge of science such as the movie about the life of the great physicist, Albert Einstein, who developed the special and general theories of relativity. Furthermore, it can create interest in studying scientific subjects for students.  
  
On the other hand, the positive effect of films on reducing stress for individuals is undeniable. In fact, after a busy day people are encouraged to watch entertaining films so that they can relax and enjoy their free time. For instance, adults have to face lots of occupational stress at their working place which results in some mental illness. Therefore, spending time to see comedy series like The Bigbang Theory will help them to deal with stress. However, movies are just not about entertaiment. It is true that all the films receiving attention from the audience have high educational value. A great film can be entertaining but it should do more than that if it is expected to be worth watching.  
  
In conclusion, films should require perfect balance between education and entertaintment because people tend to prefer them as a way to learn and relax.