dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
@Dang Khoa  
*Hello there!*  
  
Let me help you with your essay.  
  
I appreciate the introduction of your essay. It is brief and straightforward - two characteristics that are essential when you're working within word counts. That being said, however, the formality of the tone can be worked on to improve the general look of your essay. Doing this would enable you to have more substantive content that would also be academically appropriate.  
  
That being said, be cautious of your preposition, punctuation, and general hold over grammatical conventions. You have a tendency to stray a little bit, causing you to appear to be rambling rather than establishing cautiously content for your essay. Having a structured outline before writing would help you definitely with this. When I say that an outline helps, I do not mean just merely having thoughts clustered; I mean having clear boundaries of what your content will focus on on each specific part/paragraph that you have.  
  
Let me revise your essay for you to give you a clearer picture of how this looks.  
  
In the future, scientists will ~~soon~~ have the capability to ~~make humanity live longer~~ extend the lives of humans. ~~Some people think ... oppose~~ While some think it is beneficial, others disagree. This essay will discuss both ~~standpoints~~ perspectives and ~~shall give my comment later~~ give a personal commentary.  
  
Firstly ~~of all~~, ~~people~~ having a longer lifetime is ~~actually~~ great in various aspects. ..., people ~~can enjoy ... never see~~ will have more time to enjoy their experiences extensively and with depth. Secondly, there are ~~still~~ myriads of ... as scientists ~~in the world~~ who can ~~contribute a ... community~~ produce beneficial work ~~and it would ... early~~.  ~~In other words, h~~ Having a longer life span can help them ~~reach more~~attain helpful achievements.  
  
I hope this helped. Best of luck in your writing!
## consumer spending on differrent items in five different countries

  
  
The table below gives information on consumer spending on differrent items in five different countries in 2002.  
Summarize the inforamtion by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisions where relevant.  
  
The given table illustrates the percentage of three consumed item in five various nations such as Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden and Turkey in 2002.  
  
Look at the given table, it's immediately obvious that food/drinks/tobacco occupies the highest position. In contrast, leisure/education has the lowest one among three consumed items.  
  
Althought, people in Turkey and Ireland comsumed the highest food/drinks/tobacco at approximately 32% and 29% respectively, the consumption of food/drinks/tobacco in other countries was under 20%. Only 19% food/drinks/tobacco was consumed in Spain which was 3% higher than Sweden's consumption to be the lowest position among all.  
  
Compared to food/drinks/tobacco, the amount of clothing/footwear was a bit smaller. The highest consumption percentage went to Italy at approximately 9% while the figures for the other nations was under 7%. Leisure/education accounted for the lowest amount among three consumed items. The proportion of consumming leisure/education only took up at approximately 5% and that of Spain was just nearly 2%  
  
*
@xyanuaaa  
  
Hi.  
  
I am Tran Anh Tai from Vietnam. I would like to share my thoughts of your essay as follows:  
  
1. In the introduction sentence:  
  
- "Illustrate" is usually used with pictures such as charts or diagrams rather than the data tables. We can use "show" instead; it could be simple, but more suitable.  
  
- It should be "three consumed items" (plural noun), it could be a typo only;  
  
- I think that if we use "five", we don't need to use "various" anymore. Because "five" indicates the exact number of countries already. Going further, we should use the "including" or "consisting of", because "such as" is usually used when we don't know the definite number of things.  
  
2. In the second and third sentence, I think your ideas are so good. However  
  
- I would try not to repeat "the given table";  
  
- Avoid to use the unnecessary words. I would try "It can be clearly seen that..." (be + adverb + verb) or, "It is obvious that..." (be + adjective) instead of "it's immediately obvious that" (be + adverb + adjective).  
  
I am not really sure, but I think it could be a little confusing if we use adverbs to complement adjectives. Instead, we could use adverbs for verbs, and adjectives for nouns.  
  
In the long term, we should try to learn new terminologies which are simple, straightforward, and meaningful with less characters or additional words.  
  
3. Body paragraphs.  
  
I think that we should use some other ways to talk about the percentage or proportion, we don't need to indicate the exact numbers in all cases. For example,  
  
- A little above one-third = 32.14%  
- A little under one-third = 28.91%  
- A bit below one-fifth = 18.8%  
- A quarter = 25%  
- Almost two percent = 1.98%  
  
Finally, I would like share my way to develop the body paragraphs for your reference. It is just a group of ideas, not a complete essay at all.  
  
- We can classify Ireland and Turkey as one group.  
  
+ Their citizens seem to spend about 40% of their budget on these items.  
+ They also allocate round 30% for food, drinks and tobacco.  
+ Turkish invest in leisure and education with the largest proportion among five countries with 4.35%.  
+ Irish number is only more than 2.0% which is ranked number four in five nations.  
  
- We could write about Sweden, Italy and Spain in the second body paragraph.  
  
+ They all spend about 25% to below 30% disposable income on above items.  
+ Swedish use about 25% which is the lowest one among the groups, however, their spending on entertainment and education is more than 3.22% which is the second rank after Turkish.  
  
+ Italian budget for the same items is just a little less with 3.20%, whereas they expend 9.0% for fashion items.  
+ Spanish allocate less than 2% for leisure and education.  
  
These are my opinions only. I really appreciate if you give some feedbacks, so we can learn together.  
  
Thank you!  
Anh Tai.
## youngers should remain at school until they are 18

  
  
Many people argue that the youngers should remain at school until they are 18. Personally, I completely agree with this view.  
For a various reasons, there are several positive effects that students should not drop out school early. Firstly, when teenagers graduate from high school, they could gain a wealth of knowledge and skills which help them to get higher qualification easily. As a result, people have more opportunities to get a well -paid job in the highly competitive job market. Secondly, in academic curriculum, besides core subjects, schools also offer subjects about social life and ethics, which play a vital role to the maturity of a person. These subjects will bring crucial skills as well as raise up the awareness which are good preparation for their career and life. For instance, a well-educated person is able to realize something that is right or wrong, this leads to a more productive and prosperous nation. Moreover, by the age of 18, both physical and mental health are completely developed. That is the age at which people can adapt themselves to tackle different circumtance.  
  
In conclusion, for the reasons i have mentioned above, I strongly believe that this idea should be encouraged.
My comment is not going to judge anything or check any mistakes of yours because you don't show me the prompt/question.  
What i'm going to say here is the about the reasons you give in your essay.  
Education is good,indeed, but not in most of the schools. This link youtube.com/watch?v=m6pWEzkbnDE is going to show you why all of your reasons are all bad and not specific ( yeah maybe some will agree with but this just my personal point ).  
  
That was all for fun and discussion. Please don't take it seriously :)
@trannthkv2  
  
*Hi there!*  
  
Welcome to the forum. Let me assist you with this one.  
  
The initial glimpse onto your essay tells me that you have the fundamental thoughts/ideas laid out that you want to establish in your content. What you struggle with is expressing these thoughts into comprehensive and academically-appropriate structures. This is alright; you only need to focus on working on the technical aspects of your writing to ensure that you optimize your writing. In the meantime, evade using cluttered and complex structures - and instead, you may put your attention more on creating depth and ensuring that you are abiding by conventional writing practices.  
  
**That being said, if I were to revise your essay, it would appear as:**  
  
For ~~a~~ various reasons, there are ~~several~~ positive effects ~~that~~for students ~~should not drop out school early~~ who do not drop out early in school. Firstly, when ..., they ~~could~~ gain ~~a wealth of~~ knowledge and skills ~~which~~to help them ~~to~~  get higher qualifications ~~easily~~. ... a well -paid job in ~~the~~ a highly ... Secondly, in the academic curriculum, ~~besides core subjects,~~ schools ~~also~~  offer subjects ~~about~~ onsocial life and ethics~~,~~; these ~~which~~  play ~~a~~ vital role ~~to the~~in the person'smaturity ~~of a person~~. These subjects ~~will~~  bring crucial skills ~~as well as~~and raise ~~up~~  the awareness, making it a ~~which are~~ good preparation ... ... is able to realize that something ~~that~~ is right or wrong~~, this~~ This leads to ... ... 18, ~~both physical and mental health are completely developed~~a person is physically and mentally developed. ~~That is the age at ... circumtance~~People can adapt better to circumstances.  
  
*Best of luck in your writing!*
## Libraries in the age of computers and internet

  
  
A composition answering this question: In the age of computers and the internet, is there still a need for public libraries?  
It seems that the rise of digitalised book and Internet have overtaken the conventional libraries . Despite the advance of technology, I agree with the statement that the function of public libraries could not be changed.  
  
Firstly, reading a book in the library have some own benefit compared to those sophisticated device which provide Internet program. Using these gadgets for the purpose of reading in a long time is detrimental to our health especially for those who have sleep or visual problem. Libraries provide you with an ideal workplace, without which your productivity would be influenced badly due to exposure to the noise .For example,artificial lights from e-books may interfere with our ability to sleep leading to adverse of impact to health. Furthermore, if library was destructed, there would be nowhere to preserve and exhibit antique books , documents and people would not have a chance to use these old materials.  
  
Going digital is not always a good decision.For instance, some studies has been stacking up to show that reading on paper is more beneficial for you than on electronic screen, help to boost your retetion and focus. Using an e-book or internet to read may be trendy and convenient, but it has many drawbacks if you overuse it.  
  
To conclude, I believe that the role of libraries cannot be displaced forever. Although internet makes things easier, people need library to gain more knowledge.
Hi @angaquay  
First of all, I think the structure of your essay is not quite balanced. The length of your two body paragraphs is not equal :P and the conclusion is seem to be short (you should add the gist of task statement and paraphrase that sentence too)  
  
Second, you have to consider your transition (firstly, secondly, ...)  
Finally, you may check again your grammar (just a little bit :P )  
+ devices  
+ of impact **to** health -> .... on health  
*Best of luck in your writing*
@angaquay  
*Hi there!*  
  
Let's look through your essay - and hopefully I can provide you with useful feedback on your writing.  
  
First and foremost, while it may be contrary to what others may say, having simpler language goes a long way in terms of the formality of your essay. If you have simpler words used throughout, you are able to focus more on the technical angles of writing (grammar, composition, structure) that would help you curate and develop a more in-depth essay.  
  
Furthermore, I think that the depth and specifics of your content are all great and well-rounded. What I would only recommend is that you try to repackage your sentences in a way that would make it a bit more academic. For instance, having a more rigid tone to your essay instead of an opinionated one would go a long way.  
  
Now, having said that, **let's revise** the first portion so you may see what I am referring to.  
  
~~It seems that the rise ... libraries~~  The rise of e-books and the internet has taken over conventional libraries. Despite the advancements ~~of~~in technology, I agree ~~with the statement~~ that ... libraries ~~could~~can not be changed.  
  
Firstly, ~~reading a book in ... program~~ compared to using the internet on smartphones, reading books in the library has benefits. ... for the purpose of ~~reading in a long time~~ long periods of reading is detrimental to our health, especially for those who ~~have sleep or visual problem~~ suffer from visual and sleep-related concerns. Libraries provide ... workplace~~, without which your ... the noise~~ that can optimize your productivity by reducing exposure to noise.  
  
I hope I was able to help. *Best of luck* in your writing endeavors!
**Question: Some people believe that a police force carrying guns will encourage a higher level of violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?**  
  
It is argued that a higher rate of violence can increase if polices are armed with guns on duty. I agree with the statement and believe that the government should take responsibility to determine the use of such lethal weapons.  
  
One of the main problems is that police carrying guns does not mean having lower rates of violence, criminals will likely to do the same to protect themselves. Guns only can be used in extreme conditions so if police officers have the authority to keep the safety on society, the same rule can also apply to criminals, who may use guns to do criminal activities as well as to prevent themselves from getting hurt. As a result, the more guns they carry, the higher rate of violence on the streets. In order to decrease the level of violence, governments should regulate the use of guns for citizens and train police force properly when facing dangerous situations.  
  
Another reason why carrying guns poses threats in society is that innocent people can get injured. Guns can bring people to death within seconds and if this accident happens, police officers can hardly protect citizens. In order to diminish violence on streets, governments need to have stricter rules in the use of guns, especially in police shooting where people can possibly be killed. It is necessary for the police to have awareness of their surroundings so everyone can be safe.  
  
In conclusion, police carrying guns pose a greater threat to society because it increases the use of weapons from criminals and may put innocent people in danger.  
  
Feel free to feedback if any.
@yuchengkuo  
*Hi there!*  
  
I see that you're new here. Welcome to the forum. Let me look through your essay and provide you with a substantive feedback.  
  
First and foremost, writing for IELTS is daunting because of the *word count*. While this may be restrictive (initially at least), it also helps you incorporate more writing techniques that would help you optimize the space you have for your essay. Omitting unnecessary and irrelevant words to create a more direct and yet formal approach would be critical in this manner.  
  
Moreover, *be wary of the structure of your sentences*. Having such complex sentences can drag your essay down, especially if the content does not fully flesh out the thoughts that you have. Simplified and yet academically appropriate structures would be the key for your essay.  
  
Now, having said that, **I can best show you how these two comments work in text through revising the first parts of your essay.**  
  
It is argued that ~~a higher rate ... increase~~ the rate of violence would increase if ~~polices~~ policemen are armed ...  
I agree ... responsibility ~~to determine ... weapons~~ in the use of lethal weapons.  
  
... problems is ~~that police carrying ... themselves~~ criminals would likely respond by policemen carrying guns by acquiring ones themselves. Guns ~~only~~  can only be used in extreme conditions. ~~so if~~  If police officers ... to ~~keep the safety on society~~ ensure society's safety, the same rule ~~can also apply~~ also applies to criminals, who may use guns ~~to do criminal activities ... hurt~~ pursue criminal acts and defend themselves in case of an outbreak.  
  
~~In order to~~To decrease the level ... and train ~~police force~~ policemen ~~properly when ... situations~~ to properly respond to dangerous situations.  
  
*Best of luck in your writing!*
I will give you 5 out of 6. Length,word choice, style is good. A wide range of vocab was used. But you still have made some spelling error. For example, in the first sentence of the essay part, it should be "have witnessed" not " have witness". I think you need to work on your phrase. You may wish to use a thesaurus to reduce your usage of the following words and/or phrases in your essay: because, many, and so, well, more, easy, any, is, but...Hope that my comment would be constructive
@yyu340  
*Hello there!*  
  
As someone has already given you a rating, I would rather prefer to focus more on *content-based feedback* so that you may improve your writing.  
  
First and foremost, watch out for your usage of the forms of *verbs/terms/words*. I would be cautious if you are using the appropriate ones within context. I will put this into perspective later on in my revision.  
  
Secondly, *work a little bit more on your structure*. Baffling structures can hinder you from having academically acceptable content. If you can do this, you'll be able to develop a more enhanced form of technical writing.  
  
Third, I would recommend *avoiding using lengthy sentence structures in the meantime*. I have noticed how you tend to compress a lot of thoughts into a single chunk of sentence. Having a more organic approach through writing in intervals is better.  
  
Lastly, *being straightforward* (omitting unnecessary/irrelevant details) is a critical step to ensure you optimize your essay's space.  
  
Having said that, **let's revise the initial parts of your essay** as a reference point for these comments.  
  
... have witnessed rapid developments in ... ~~Success in any ... public.~~  It is ~~well~~ known that ... significant ~~contribution~~ contributors to success. Among different fields, ~~leadership~~ this plays ~~different~~ various ~~but~~ and yet ... ~~Some claim that ... to success.~~ There are claims that the path of success requires that a person of authority should step down after half a decade. Though it is true in areas ~~such as~~ of politics and government, ~~fields such as ... applicable~~it would not apply for the business and education sectors. ~~Constructing~~ Gaining reputation and winning the trust ~~from~~  of the public often need time, while, on ... long-term power can result in corruption ~~or even~~ and other illicit behaviors.  
  
*Best of luck in your writing!*
I often find that the typical college is given a bad rep because of its outlandish cost. So, I admire this essay for what it attempts - rather successfully - to accomplish. Since you talk about "associate's, bachelor's or graduate degrees" (3) it primes me to think about universities instead of trade schools. However, trade school is a growing option for many people in response to the cost of universities and you never talk about this point. While I love your counter-argument to those who plea to authority, I think the more common argument is that vocational schools are better. By adding this into your essay, it demonstrates a more complete understanding of the subject. Additionally, i would have mentioned Bill Gates who dropped out of Harvard because it demonstrates these people valued education and so went to a university to continue their academic journey but personal did not find solace in it. By focusing on that these people first chose college and support people who are in college by paying student debt demonstrates the fallacy in their logic better.
@minhthuy99  
*Hi there!*  
  
First and foremost, I can't seem to determine what form of citations you are using. If it is APA, then the formatting is quite off. Kindly check on this.  
  
Secondly, watch out for the structure and the composition of your sentences. You have a tendency to produce quite off-putting content simply because of the lack of proper/appropriate structure. What I recommend is looking over your formal academic writing guidelines to ensure that you are grammatically and technically compliant.  
  
Lastly, try smoother transitions between your sentences and paragraphs. Transitioning does not necessitate a filler word. Having a more organic approach and developing your ideas as is can go a long way.  
  
Having said that, **let's revise the first paragraph as a reference point for you to see how these play out.**  
  
*Note: I will omit using citations, taking into account that I am quite uncertain what style you are using.*  
  
In his lifetime, an average college graduate will make $570 000 more than a high school graduate. To achieve career success, social and technical skills to enhance job seeking opportunities are required. Tertiary education is the best tool for this. I believe that college education, therefore, is crucial even for hesitant people.  
  
[...]  
  
Be cautious of the forms of the words/verbs that you are using. Remember that consistency is key!  
  
*Best of luck in your writing endeavors.*