dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## spending money weekly in the UK and the US

  
  
The pie charts compare the weekly expenses of the six most common categories in the UK and the US. Overall, rent accounted for the highest proportion in the United Kingdom, while it was food in America. Expenditure on DVDs was the lowest in both countries.  
  
In Britain, the highest proportion was the expense of rent, which accounted for 30%. Food was the second-highest percentage at 18%. This was followed by transportation and outdoor entertainment, which both accounted for 15%. The lowest item of expenditure was on DVDs at 10%.  
  
Turning to America, foodstuff accounted for the highest item of expenditure at 25%. Next, the expense of rent was 5% lower than the food. The Americans spent the exact same proportion on transporting, going out to relax and reading books, at 15%. Same as the British, the Americans only spent ten percent of their expense in DVDs, which was the lowest of all.
You did not give graph in your presentation but as far as i understand, the main fault of this presentation is lack of comparison, the main objective is to underline main features along with compare the things what i understand,what u need  
  
1: compare UK and US by making two groups  
2: compare food and rent first in UK and US  
3: compare transportation and outdoor entertainment in both countries  
4: now come to DVDs which accounted lowest position but at same pace in US and UK
## choice of best developing strategy

  
  
Nowadays, it is true that more and more new towns are erected, which has aroused people's discussion about that expanding public parks and sports facilities or shopping centers for people to take their leisure in is more crucial. In my opinion, it seems that public parks and gyms are as crucial as shopping malls in a town.  
  
There are a couple of compelling justifications why evolving public parks and sports facilities is vital in a new town's plan. The first reason could be that they provide suitable spaces and convenient equipment for citizens on the grounds that cities lack them seriously in these days. Take jogging in the park as a prime example, it helps to keep bodies fit and it also lightens their mood during a day. The second factor could be related to a fact that it is a good opportunity for inhabitants to socialize with their neighbors in the light of connection through playing team sports such as basketball, volleyball, soccer or walking and talking together in the park. This could probably lead to a harmonious relationship between residents that helps build a friendly neighborhood.  
  
Developing shopping malls plays the same essential role to town dwellers. It is apparent that they meet all shopping requirements' local residents, regardless of entertainment in their free time or their daily needs. Shopping centers make shopping more and more convenient with less effort and lower cost because of not including extra shipping money. Furthermore, not only do they solve shopping problems more easily but they also enhance mental health of dwellers by purchasing things.  
  
In conclusion, town planners ought to consider developing both parks, sports facilities and shopping centers to built a thorough developing strategy for a new town in the long term.  
  
Thanks for your help <3
I am unclear about this presentation as you did not provide the original prompt with the discussion. I know of this topic as a part of an extent essay discussion. However, you did not discuss the essay in that manner. Without the original prompt, I am uncertain about how to assess this presentation. Do your best to please post the prompt next time so that I will not play a guessing game with regards to your discussion parameters. Thank you.  
  
As of now, what I can tell you, without considering the content since I do not know if you are discussing this topic properly or not, is that you have made several errors in this essay that cover the important scoring aspects of the LR, GRA, and C&C sections. You should really learn to identify how UK English words are spelled as opposed to the American English spelling. While you can use US English representations in the essay, you would end up with a better LR score if you showed that you know how to spell in UK English terms and also, use the words in the proper context based on vocabulary usage.  
  
Speaking of grammar range, don't use complicated words that can clutter your presentation and meaning. Consider using simple words when you can to help make your essay easier to understand based on reading time constraints. Do not use words of uncertainty like "apparent". Say what you mean, "clear" is the word you are grasping for here. Yes, most of the time, using simple but clear words help you score better than over complicated word presentations.  
  
Since this is an opinion essay, do not use words that would lead the examiner to wonder if you truly believe in your discussion presentation. There should not be any reference to probables in the essay such as "probably lead to". It creates a cloud of doubt in your discussion that could very well lead to a change in your actual discussion presentation, which in turn could affect your final score.
## wealth inequality

  
  
**Many people say the gap between the rich and the poor people is wider, as rich people become richer, poor people become poorer. What problems could this situation cause and what measures can be done to address these problems?**  
  
It is true that the wealth inequality has always existed and even soared in recent decades. Although there will be undoubtedly some consequences of this trend, governments can take steps to mitigate these problems.  
  
There are various issues potentially caused by wealth gap. First, the inequality fosters and increases crime rate, including various criminal forms such as robberies, thieves and riots. When the gap grows extreme, the number of people living under the poverty line will go up due to increasing inflation and average living cost. This acts as an incentive for criminal behaviours since this is the last resort for the disadvantaged people struggling to meet their basic needs. Another compelling problem is that wealth gap leads to unsustainable economic growth. Due to the costly tuition fees, the tertiary education access is nearly out of reach to the lower-class families. As a result, the proportion of unskilled labours in domestic workforce would rise, which acts as a deterrent of business investments.  
  
Nevertheless, there have been many solutions for wealth inequality. First, by imposing higher income tax on the upper and middle-class households, governments would raise enormous welfare budgets allocated for the poor. If the state welfare and allowances can provide their standard living, there will be less incentives of robbing and stealing. Second, in order for the poor to be accessible to higher education, free educational institutions, which are granted by the government or non-profit organizations, should be highly encouraged. This has a significant impact on not only beneficiaries, but also the economic development.  
  
In conclusion, wealth inequality brings about some severe problems for the society and economy but there are still many practical actions that authorities can consider to deploy.  
  
283 words
Your discussion format is incorrect. You have changed the discussion topic and presentation instruction in your prompt paraphrase section. There is no mention of wealth soaring over the decades. Neither are you being asked to offer mitigation steps for the government to implement. Your response is totally off base. The government has nothing to do with the discussion. Your personal insight and suggestions are what the examiner will be looking for in this presentation which, it appears, he is not going to find because you focused on aspects of the discussion that are not part of the original presentation.  
  
For this 2 reasoning paragraph essay, each paragraph should indicate:  
- The problem the situation causes for the rich (par. 1) or the poor (par. 2)  
- The example of such a problem and its consequence  
- The solution you think would be useful in this scenario  
- An explanation of why you think that solution would work  
- An example that shows your solution in action  
  
You have to remember to double check the instructions. Never present information not contained in the original presentation and, avoid changing the discussion instructions because you will then be scored based on a response that is not related to the task. The outcome of both could be a non-achievement of a passing score for your presentation.  
  
The current presentation really goes strongly into the topic presentation per paragraph. However, I do not see any progression in the discussion topics that would indicate a thorough development of the paragraph. As such, the examiner, who will see the same thing, will know that you did not really focus on the C&C section of the scoring as you were preoccupied with simply presenting discussion topics that you could not completely develop into a paragraph discussion. This is precisely why I suggested the discussion format above for your next presentation of a similar topic.
## postgraduate students WORKING in the UK

  
  
The depicted bar chart outlines the number of graduate and post graduate students in UK, who instead of performing full time job, get themselves involve in different categories of jobs in the year 2008. Overall the comparative data summarized that most of the graduate students inclines to start further studies while post graduate students were also gone for further studies though with a little margin with part time jobs.  
  
A closer look at the graph revealed that in year 2008 graduate students who went for further studies hit the peak with figure of 29,665, which had shown the significant difference with part time and jobless persons (17,735 and 16, 335 respectively). However volunteer workers took a nose dive of 3500 persons only.  
  
Interestingly, the percentage of post graduate students was one third to the graduate students, still they again pursued to achieve further studies. But at this point part time workers showed slight dip in percentage of 2535 compared to the other category of further studies that stood at 2725. volunteer workers were as low as 345 in number.
Hello @zoyatariq,  
  
I have some suggestions for your writing as below:  
+ First sentence: I think you should write the opening sentence as simple as possible. Maybe you may write like this: "**The bar chart outlines/compares the number of graduate and postgraduate students with various categories of occupation/job in the UK in the year 2008**."  
  
+ Second sentence (overall sentence): you should use "**past simple**" for this sentence. Ex: ...inclines... --> inclined  
Ex: It is noticeable that/It is obvious that/It is clear that most of the graduate students **intended** to start further studies, while post graduate students continued further studies except some doing part time jobs.  
  
+ About two detailed paragraph: you **did not show any comparison** between two groups of student: graduate and postgraduate in different categories, you just simply listed number of students in each categories. Because you didn't put any chart in the text, I guess there are four categories: continue further studies, part time, unemployed, and volunteer work for two type of students ?  
  
--> my recommendation: you **should divide into 2 categories for each detailed paragraph and show comparison** between graduate and post-graduate students. In my opinion, this will impress the examiner more than just simply listing number.  
  
Ex: Detailed paragraph 1: (further studies + volunteer): graduate vs post graduate students  
Detailed paragraph 2: (part-time + unemployed): graduate vs post graduate students  
  
That's all my opinion for your writing.  
Regards.
## foreign enterprises impact on local economy

  
  
**Some people think developing countries should invite large foreign companies to open offices and factories to grow their economy others think the developing countries should keep large companies out and develop local companies instead.**  
  
In the globalization era, foreign investment is mentioned in numerous media and debate through every nation in the world, particularly in emerging countries. While some argue that it is essential for the developing countries to allow foreign enterprises to build offices and factories to boost the development of the economy, another population is interested in domestic growth firms rather than foreign ones. This essay will shed light on both arguments and demonstrate my own perspectives.  
  
On one level, foreign investment plays an essential role in developing countries in growing the economy. The primary characteristics of developing countries, including lack of capital, unemployment ratio high, underdevelop technology... Therefore, utilizing the flow of significant capital, cutting-edge technology from foreign could be the optimal way for developing nations to improve the overall economy's performance in tandem with providing the golden opportunity for unemployed people. Besides, when the foreign enterprise invests in their country, it could boost the relationship between the government and foreign government that creates a wide variety of advantages in the long-term.  
  
From another angle, there are several reasons why the government should protect domestic industries and interaction in the foreign enterprise's business. First and foremost, because of backward technology and lack of capital, the majority of local firms are often hard to compare with international companies. Consequently, the performance of local nations tends to reduce significantly lead to numerous companies becoming bankrupt. Second, in the long-term, the national economy depends on foreign operations if the government allows them to be widespread without control in tandem with no protection for domestic firms.  
  
In conclusion, the government should enact policies that maintain the flow of foreign investment into the country and protect domestic firms. Moreover, the government should improve the relationship among them to develop the country to catch up with world innovation.  
  
*301 word. I know that a little bit longer than the limited words in task 2 so I could cut down the conclusion.*  
  
**Thank you so much for your feedback!**
## IELTS Writing task 1: Pie Chart

  
  
The chart compare the proportion of water usage by various categories in Sydney, Australia in 1997 and 2007  
Overall, food industry accounted for the highest percentage of water use in sectors. Additionally, in terms of service industry, the proportion of total water use almost doubled.  
  
In 1997, the figure for water consumption in food industry was exactly 48%. The amount of water used for manufacturing and building industry was much lower, at 15% and 5% respectively. There was a decline of water consumption in 3 sectors, the figure for food industry dropped slightly to 41%, compared to 11% and 2% of manufacturing and building industry respectively.  
  
On the other hand, the period from 1997 to 2007 saw a increase in water usage in the other sectors ( service industry and households). While the percentage of water use in households rose significantly from 13% to 25%, there was a minimal climb in the amount of water consumed from 19% to 21%.  
  
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There was an immediate error in your first sentence. Review your singular v plural presentation rules. There are 2 images in the presentation. You said there was only 1 but, that single image offers a comparison. That is incorrect. For one thing, what you were presented with wasn't a chart. This is a pie chart. In fact, there are 2 pie charts presented for comparison purposes. That is what your first sentence should have actually said. A reference to the industries / sectors and the measurement type would have helped add to the important information that was presented in the comparison images.  
  
By the way, only a graph or bar chart can have presentations that compare its data within one image. A pie chart usually uses 2 image presentations for the information presentation and comparison aspect. Keep that difference in mind for the next time you write the description of the measurement image.  
  
Rather than saying, "On the other hand", since you never said "On the one hand", you could instead use a topic sentence to start the presentation. In the previous paragraph you said "In 1997" so the next paragraph could say "1998 all the way up to 2007..." You cannot start with 1997 again because you already used that time reference in the preceding paragraph.
## compare the temperatures in Paris, Dubai and Sydney

  
  
***The line graph below shows the average monthly temperatures in three major cities.  
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.  
You should write at least 150 words.***  
  
The line graph illustrates the break-down of the ordinary temperature of three metropolises in every single month in one year. Generally, the medium temperature in Paris and Dubai between May and August witnessed an upward trend while that of the figure in Sydney saw an experienced trend over that period of time.  
  
In particular, it can be seen from the graph the average temperatures in Paris increase sharply from 5 degrees Celsius in May to 20 degrees Celsius in July and remaining stable between July and August at 20 degrees Celsius before fall back to the previous level in December. Meanwhile, the ordinary temperature in Sydney decrease significantly from approximately 23 degrees Celsius in the first month to around 14 degrees and bottom out at roughly 13 degrees in July. After that, there was a substantial growth to about 24 degrees Celsius in December in Sydney.  
  
In terms of Dubai, as can be observed from the figure the average temperatures in Dubai dramatically raised between approximately 19 degrees Celsius to 35 degrees Celsius in and reach to the peak at more or less 36 degrees Celsius or so in August before falling back to 21 degrees Celsius in December.  
  
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Hello @tuongnam,  
1/ In my opinion, I think your second sentence should be wrote in "simple present" tense: "... May and August **witnessed** an upward... figure in Sydney **saw** an experienced ..."  
  
--> Reason: The specific time (year) is not mentioned in the topic and almost all sentences in your first detailed paragraph below you wrote in "simple present". Also, your second paragraph you go back to "simple past" tense so I think it will confuse the reader/examiner.  
  
2/ What do "...saw an experienced trend...." mean in your second sentence ? You means "...experiences fluctuating trend...." ?  
Regards.
## the causes of the OBESITY and possible solutions

  
  
Nowadays, less people care about meals in one day and their health. Many country in the world, people more and more fat and exhausted energy as health and fitness are decreasing. In this essay, I will look at the causes of the problems and measures solve them.  
  
The cause of the people is too fat and health, fitness endanger. The two main causes is everyone eat too much fast food, drink soda and lazy active. The first cause, why do everyone eat too much junk food and drink soda? Because, simply, they like it or it is faster, more convenient and cheaper than get ready for the perfect meal. For example, recent propotype concluded that restaurants as Mc Donald or fast food story are best-seller in many country. The second cause, everyone less focus on important do exercise. When The internet is popular in the world, everyone seldom get out of their home and it makes limit actives outside. For instance, recent research concluded that young people choice watch TV, play games, surf the web,...instead of physical training. That's why their weight are increasing and health endanger.  
  
Now, I have two ways to remove those causes. It is everyone need limit eat fast food and do more exercise. First one, you shouldn't eat junk food way too often. In other words, you need eat foods which is good for your health and you must guarantee enough nutrients in your meals as eat more vegetables, fruits...When you want to eat junk food, remember its consequences. Secondly, you need do exercise. It not only to burn calories, enhance your health, but also help reduce stress, feel comfortable, watch your weight.  
  
In conclusion, fat is not good for you, the two main causes are eat too much food which have many fat and a couch potato active. To get rid of bad habits everyone need limit eat fast food and training.
Your discussion topics should be outlined as a part of your paraphrase + response presentation. That means you should paraphrase in one sentence and use 2 sentences each for the cause and the solution topics. A total of 5 sentences.  
  
You should stick to the first person pronoun usage in this essay, without using the word "you". Since this is a personal opinion paper, you may use any variation of "me, myself, and I" to refer to your reasons and solutions. You may also avoid using pronouns in total if you so wish. Structure the essay to present a general, rather than personal opinion. Use a gender free pronoun presentation instead.  
  
Your presentation is really confusing to read. It jumps around so much that you do not really focus on a particular cause and solution per paragraph. For clarity sake, you should use the following format next time:  
  
Sentence 1 : Cause  
Sentence 2: Effect  
Sentence 3: Solution  
Sentence 4: Example  
Sentence 5: Additional explanation for the solution and example  
  
Do not bunch all of your discussions into one paragraph. Not only is that hard to follow, but it delivers a scrambled read to the examiner, who could find himself confused by your presentation. Right now, he will read this essay and consider it improperly developed.  
  
Never use 2 successive punctuation marks. You can never use a comma and ellipses simultaneously. Use only the comma. By the way, you do not have 2 ways to solve the problem. You have 2 suggestions that will help solve the problem. Proper word usage will add clarity to your presentations.
## IELTS WRITiNG PART 1: BAR CHART

  
  
The bar chart compares and contrasts data on the changes in the proportion of women in Australia who gave birth to their first child according to 6 different age groups in 1966,1986 and 2006.  
  
An overview of the bar chart reveals that the figure for women aged 20-24 and 19 and under witnessed a downward trend over period surveyed, while the reserve was true for the other four age groups.  
  
The proportion of women aged 19 and under was nearly 34%, which was lower than that of the aged between 20 and 24 years old , at over 60%.Then , the year 2006 saw a moderate drop to nearly 11% in the percentage of women in the aged of 19 and under. Similarly, there was light decrease to around 30% in the figure for 20-24 years old , after 40 years.  
  
In terms of 25 or over age group, the proportion of women aged 25-30, 30-34 years old, the aged of 34-39 and 40 or over was just over 35%, roughly 12%, nearly 8% and 3%, respectively, in 1966. Afterwards, the proportion of women who were 25-30 years old underwent a slow decline to approximately 35% in 1986.After that, this figure stayed almost unchanged until 2006. Likewise, the 30-34 age group experienced dramatic rise to about 47% after 20 years. In a similar fashion, the figure for women aged 34-39 grew a significantly to over 31% in 2006. The figure for women aged 40 or over remained stable at around 35 and 4% from 1986 to 2006.  
  
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