dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
@snowflake817  
Hi there. Thanks for coming to the forum! Sorry for the delay. Hopefully, this feedback still somewhat helps you in your writing endeavors.  
  
First and foremost, the first paragraph you have curated is put-together. I appreciate how the composition itself showed how dedicated you are to writing, and how you ought to maintain a steadfast and clearer understanding of what the readers should anticipate from your text.  
  
What I do find that you can work on is the transitioning in between of your paragraphs. For example, your movement from the second to the third appeared to be bumpy because of the lack of logical linkage between the two. What I suggest is trying to bump an explanation in the last sentence of the second paragraph to somewhat help with the smoother transition.  
  
The conclusion also appears to be a bit hanging in the open. There's a lack of firmness in the concluding sentence by the end. Try to curate a more formal approach to closing your writing.
*I'm practicing Writing skill for the IELTS Exam. And I need your comments about the ideas ( whether it's logical or not ); ways to use academic words to replace the informal ones; the grammar; and may be the Band score as well etc. And it would be a pleasure for me to receive your comments about what I should improve. Thanks a lot!*  
  
## When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration

  
  
Nowadays, people usually take it for granted that when purchasing a job, the most crucial aspect needed to consider is the salary. In my opinion, I partly agree that the salary is the most importance, but there are other aspects we need to notice apart from it.  
  
When searching for a job, a high salary can bring a number of advantages. Firstly, the salary you get from your work allow you to have a better life. As the world is continuing growing, the more fortune you achieve, the higher standard of living you have. For example, the money paid from your work might allow you to afford a luxurious department to live in. Secondly, knowing the exact salary you will get, you definitely would have more motivation. You would be encouraged to perform to meet the demand of your boss, which is the merely way for you to get paid.  
  
On the one hand, there are two more factors considered to be extremely necessary when looking for a job. Firstly, it is job satisfaction that engage the attention of a great number of employees. Working in a soul-crushing environment, you may soon have mental health problems as you must put up with everything around you without any support. In addition, there are mass of jobs for society and charity that don't give you any money. A plenty of people enjoy showing their empathy for the charity work that they even don't pay attention to the salary, which absolutely deserves compliments.  
  
In conclusion, the salary may be an aspect engaging many candidates, yet there are others which are dependent on each individual's opinions about employment.
## printed media will not go extinct

  
  
*With recent developments in technology like e-books, some people feel that printed media like books, newspapers, and magazines will soon be a thing of the past. Others feel that these forms of media will never disappear.  
  
What is your opinion ?  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.*  
  
Nowadays, the topic of whether the printed media such as books, newspapers, and magazines will soon be replaced by the e-books or not is definitely a controversial one. Despite some people believe that printed media will soon be eliminated by generation. From my perspective, I still believe that hardcover books will never vanish. The following essay will illustrate my reasons and point of views.  
  
Many people think that printed media such as newspaper is uncomfortable to read not only because during flipping the newspaper, the fingers will have ink on them, but also printed media is not so eco-friendly cause most of them are made from wood. Hence, they tend to read e-books online instead of reading printed media. However, it is a well-known fact that printed media still has a significant role in this generation. In 2018, the total selling amount of hand over books is twofold compared to e-books online. It is exceedingly evidence that can prove people still keen on reading real books rather than e-books even they consider e-books are more efficient.  
  
Furthermore, for the health concern, it is no doubt to indicate that reading e-books online for a long period of time will harm your eyesight. A study showed that reading 1 hour in front of technology devices will diminish the degree of your eyesight. That is 2 times faster than reading a real book. Consequently, this repercussion drags down the willingness of people who are in favour of reading online.  
  
In summary, I would therefore reaffirm my opinion that although the developments of e-books have spread widely since they were created, I still strongly believe that traditional printed media will last permanently owing to health concern and people's reading habits.
## concern about attitude of youngsters today

  
  
***TOPIC: In some countries, young people are less polite and respectful to the old. What are the causes? What can be done to solve this?***  
  
In recent years, as many countries have developed, the living standards is being better while the youngsters" behaviors towards the old folks are discourteous and disrespectful. The cause of this issue might be from families and medias. Therefore, there are numerous solutions to resolve this problem.  
  
Comparing to the old days, when the technology has not been improved, children tend to spend more time with their parents so that they can learn how to have suitable attitudes for different type of people, especially the elders. However, parents live in modern days are much more concentrate on their careers, which create a distance between the family members. Consequently, youngsters do not have the chances to be educated in good manners. Moreover, since they not receive much affection from their parents, they start addicting to medias, a way to get away from the boring and lonely, which lead to the fact that they are being affected negatively by the virtual world and intimate the bad behaviors of the characters or strangers on TV shows, movies, internet and games.  
  
There are, however, ways to taken down the problems. First of all, the youths must be educated since they are still study in school if their parents not have enough spare time for their children. For instance, instead of just absorbing knowledge of compulsory subjects, ethics must be added to the school's curriculum as an essential subject. Secondly, not only shows and movies, but games and contents on social media need to be censored carefully in order to have an appropriate rate for each group of ages. In this way, young people are not exposed much violent and approach the right ways of how to treat the elderly.  
  
In conclusion, despite how busy the job is, parents should not too focus on their careers that they forget to take care of their children because family is the one who close to the youths the most.  
  
P/S: Please give me the correction for my writing. Is there anything I need to improve? Thankss
the living standards are higher  
"folks" is more used in informal contexts, use "people" instead  
"media" is an uncountable noun  
"the old days" -> past -> "tended" not "tend"  
"different types"  
Work out on your tenses: "creates"  
"parents live in modern ..." -> "parents living in modern days concentrate more on their careers"  
"addicting" -> "addicted to"  
"the boring and lonely" -> "the boredom and loneliness"  
"imitate" not "intimate", "intimate" means "close"  
"to take down"  
There are a few more mistakes in your writing. Brush up on your grammar of choices of nouns
## interpersonal difficulties

  
  
*Some business find that their new employees lack basic interpersonal skills, such as cooperative skills. What are the cause and suggest some possible solutions.*  
  
**Answer**  
Some employers argue that their new employees have enormous problems with interpersonal skills to work effectively with cooperation. There are dozens of reasons to explain those working problems, but also some solutions to enhance the performance of new employees.  
  
Lack of education in the university is certain to trigger undesirable problems. The education of many countries just concentrates on academic lessons to make students have a good grasp of theories and push them to deal with enormous tests to reach high points in order to have a good resume. As a result, after graduating, students in many universities do not practice enough soft skills which helps them to enhance their relationship with other people in the company and strengthen the culture of the working environment. Another main reason is the lifestyle of youngsters in the 21st century, younger people who use the social network and other cutting-edge technology to communicate and keep in touch with other may lack real experiences to do teamwork jobs involve creative activities and face to face conversations.  
  
There are many solutions to overcome those obstacles of new employees to promote their careers. However, those solutions need to involve the government to improve the conscious of the population. Firstly, the government should provide funding for research to change the way the education educates people, universities need to enhance lecturing methods to bring more practice lessons. As a result, students have an adequate perspective to create more added value in the cooperation and promote their performance to working with other people. Secondly, the company should finance weekend activities to encourage people to stick together. For example, outside activities such as climbing and camping in the mighty mountain push employees learning survival skills together and have relaxing moments to improve the relationship with other people which also increases the productivity of the company.  
  
In conclusion, while the lack of soft skills of new employees has aroused employers' discussions. There are also many ways to tackle those problems of new employees and support them to work effectively in the new working environment.  
  
P/s: please fix any falses or express troubles by red word ! many thanks!
@nguyenvanhieucf  
Hi there. Welcome to the forum. Hopefully, my feedback will give you insight on how to improve your writing. Please don't hesitate to approach me once more should you have more questions.  
  
First and foremost, I find that the transition in between your paragraphs needs to be more solidified in order to reflect better the purpose and intent of your writing. When we take a look at the comparison of the theme behind the first paragraph and the body ones, you can easily find that you would need to link better the major thoughts. You can easily do this by inserting in the body paragraphs a briefing on how correlated the details are.  
  
There's also a severe imbalance in writing, considering that your conclusive remarks were still lacking. It is insufficient to have two sentences for a conclusion, especially because you need to be working with larger scopes.  
  
If you can cancel these two out, the work itself is already decently put-together.
## effects of different school's locations

  
  
Universities, similar to businesses or firms, can take the countryside or the city as a location to set campus. However, people might argue that either location is better; providing more opportunities and entertainment spots, or allowing students to enjoy peacefulness and beautiful natural landscapes. In either case, one chooses a campus location preference based on various reasons.  
  
Personally, I prefer a small university in the countryside. And as much as I look forward to research and work opportunities in populous cities, the countryside has its charm. I would make such a choice for two main reasons: the accessibility of hiking options in plain nature and the ability to have a greatly immersive college experience.  
  
First, I reckon that, to have a successful stay in college, you need to have time and space for simplistic and quiet activities so as you can release some of the tension you feel with a busy schedule. And one way I find highly efficient in accomplishing the aforementioned goal is going for hikes in the peaceful countryside mountains, or merely having a picnic or doing yoga in plain nature. I can enjoy the quiet; the fresh air; and the unmatched atmosphere of nature: nice scents, birds' chants and the green wet grass. Indeed, the impact of the countryside campus setup ranges from receiving the sun when you open your windows in the morning instead of tall buildings to the invigorating feeling such setup offers at the end of a long day of work.  
  
Second, a small university's main appeal is the proper human contact and the ever-lasting relationships you can create in four year of college for example. I find the small number of students important because it provides the opportunity to meet less a limited group of people; an opportunity that allows the student to better know their classmates and connect deeper with their peers. Moreover, the relationship between students and faculty is more personal, and hence, offer the possibility for teacher to have an impact in their students' lives. In fact, a teacher turns into a friend, knowledge gets shared more efficiently and students get to bond with their instructors, and thus, have a personally meaningful college stay.  
  
Overall, the debate about whether small universities in the countryside are better than big universities in cities and vice versa, goes on. Criteria and arguments differ. However, the most meaningful criteria are one's personal choice and preference. And, no one can give a definitive answer to this dilemma.  
  
I hope you can give me some pointers and rate it our of of 15. Thank you!
@Sunrise011  
Hi there. Thanks for coming back to the forum! Hopefully, my feedback will be beneficial for you.  
  
First and foremost, the first paragraph lacks its fullness because you were unable to distinguish the core values that you should be promoting in the text. If you can give out more specific details, this will help improve the overall flow of your writing.  
  
As for the body of the text itself, I have observed that certain parts of your writing still need to be substantiated and balanced out. Notice how your second paragraph appears to quite just hanging out there without a particular purpose. Try to always structure your writing this manner: thesis statement - body - conclusive remarks. In this manner, you will be able to have a more structured and prioritized approach to writing.  
  
Transitioning from one paragraph to another should also be improved. Try to be more specific when you can to evade being too loose in the meaning of your content.
@ka8786  
Hi there. Welcome to the forum! I'll provide you with feedback on this writing. Hopefully, this gives you insight on how to improve your writing.  
  
Firstly, while the first paragraph is great because you were able to relay your thoughts and opinions into one cluster, I suggest that you try to compartmentalize this piece of writing a little bit. Especially when you are working with content that's a tad bit extensive and would be about your personal emotions, you should always try to refrain from over writing the details because it doesn't benefit you in the long-run.  
  
When it comes to the latter parts of writing, I find this to be a concern as well. When we take a look at the second paragraph, the first paragraphs were descriptions that weren't necessarily contributing a lot to the substance of writing. Try to be more cautious of these instances to be able to write better.  
  
I think what you can do (overall) to improve your writing is if you are able to base your writing on a specific value. Afterwards, you can work on utilizing that value for the entirety of the text. If you have a single principle that you're working with, it would be better to use this to explain your thoughts and opinions for the latter parts of the text.
Please help me check this writing. Thanks for your time.  
  
**Some people believe that developments in the field of artificial intelligence will have a positive impact on our lives in the near future. Others, by contrast, are worried that we are not prepared for a world in which computers are more intelligent than humans. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.**  
  
## computers' contribution for people's life

  
  
Computers which are also known as a form of artificial intelligence have played a vital role in our society since they have a huge impact on our lives with broad implications in many aspects. Even though there are still people who are fear of their existence for the reason they can be smarter than us, I strongly believe the benefits given by computers can outweigh the drawbacks.  
  
The first factor to be mentioned is that the computer is the best invention in the scientific field because it helps us facilitate complicated tasks which cannot be done by human. For example, coding and other multi-tasks performed on this artificial machine is by far a lot faster and simpler than by hand or other devices. Therefore, they are undoubtedly the most effective tool to use when it is related to technical work, data, and research.  
  
In addition to that idea, I do not think we have to be afraid of the rise of computers in use because it is us who create, operate and control the machines, not vice versa. We still have to check if they function well and whether they make any mistakes or not. That is why we have QA (quality assurance) engineers to supervise their work. They cannot be more intelligent than human beings since they are under our control.  
  
In conclusion, computers have contributed and supported us so effectively and efficiently not only in our daily lives but in all other fields as well. However, they are still just machines and only able to operate better with the help of human.
@snowflake817  
Hi. I will check this written work of yours. I hope that my feedback becomes helpful for your writing goals!  
  
First and foremost, while I think that the first paragraph is alright, try to enhance the flow of writing here by incorporating a stronger thesis statement. There was also a logical jump between the first sentence to the second one, making them appear to be rather apart from each other rather than interconnected. Try your best to stitch these two together by inserting a brief transition sentence in between, creating a more fluid approach to writing.  
  
When it comes to the succeeding paragraphs, I find that you needed to explain things a bit more to add depth to the writing. Bear in mind that you should consistently try to back everything with concrete data to capitalize on the potential of your writing.  
  
With regard to the conclusion, you seemed to be lacking that genuine analysis that is sought after. You merely summarized things without giving a proper context on what is truly the core value that is derived from your writing. Bear in mind that you should always and always stitch together the main thoughts between all of these paragraphs to come up with a more structured response.
## What are the reasons? What are the impacts?

  
  
It is true that the custom of families having meals together is on the verge of disappearing. There are a number of reasons behind this phenomenon and there are several significant impacts on family bonding.  
  
That people do not have a tendency to have a meal at home can be attributed to two primary reasons. One reason is that they have a hectic work and study schedule. Having fast food is a better choice for them because it is easily- found and affordable. A meal near working space is suitable for them to continue working whenever they want. Furthermore, many people tend to eat out with friends. They prefer having fun and enjoy delicious food in a restaurant to having meals with parents  
  
As a consequence, several related problems can be anticipated. From the perspective of the family, in Vietnamese culture, family meal is considered important, it is time for a family to gather. If you do not have meals with other members for a long time, it will result in a weaker family bond. From the perspective of nutrition, eating out regularly or eating a lot of fast food do harm for your health due to the fact that fast food is high- processed. While meals at home are clean and green providing sufficient vitamins and minerals to build a strong immune system for family members.  
  
In conclusion, it is clear that there are myriad reasons for the decline in family meals and the effects are negative.  
  
Thanl you in advance !
@ngochuyen60  
Hi, there. I would like to give you some feedback about your writing.😁😁  
  
First of all, about your introduction, you should write down general statement and rephrase viewpoint or problem.  
(Nowadays, the custom of eating together around the table with relatives is vanishing. This cause the distance between family members. The following essay will illustrate some factors of this and how it influences the society)  
  
Then about your conclusion, it is better to restate the factors and the impacts briefly instead of writing one simple sentence.  
(In conclusion, eating out regularly is one of the factors that cause family members not getting together to eat. Although it is efficient to our life, it may lead the weak relationship between relatives. )  
  
Hope it world help ! 😁😁😁
**"Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?"**  
  
## SALES & ADVERTISING

  
  
It is believed that with the proliferation of countless advertisement types, consumers today have a tendency to buy more products beyond their need. In my opinion, I totally agree with this view for a number of reasons.  
  
The first reason leading to overbuying is due to the explosion of celebrity endorsement. With the advent of online social platforms such as Instagram, Twitter and Facebook, celebrity endorsements have become more popular and subtler than ever. For example, a make-up brand could pay Kim Kardashian West a huge amount of money to endorse it on Instagram as her account has more than 100 million followers, which can bring considerable profit for the company. As a result, most people, especially teenagers, who are big fans of Kim or so celebrities just buy the products which their idols endorse without thinking about its usefulness for themselves  
  
Furthermore, consumers may become the victim of target advertising as they are spending more time online. That is to say, when a person creates a profile on a social networking site such as Facebook, they will enter information about their age, religion, education or favorite movies so their friends can get to know them better. However, what we may not know is that these sites use that data to provide us with custom advertising. For example, if a Facebook user list one of his interests as "Korean music", he or she will definitely see ads about various stores selling K-pop merchandise.  
  
In conclusion, although advertising increases the sales of certain products and offer a wide selection of choices for consumers, I believe most best-selling products today are consumed due to target advertising for the benefits of the advertisers without considering the needs of the society.