dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## population in japan

  
  
The question:  
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.  
***The table below shows the Japanese population by different age groups from 1970 to 2040.  
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.***  
You should write at least 150 words.  
  
**The answer:**  
The chart presents information about three different age groups in Japan during the period from 1960 to 2000, and projections until 2040.  
At the beginning of the 1960s, the 15-46 age group accounted for almost two thirds of the Japanese population, while the figure for under-14-year-old people is relatively low (30% only). And the smallest age group is the over-65s, who made up only 3% of the population at that time.  
  
But all the situation changed dramatically in the following forty years. Although people aged 15-46 were still the major part of the Japan demographic, the proportion of them was volatile. It reach a new high (around 75%) in 1990 but quickly dropped to about 62% a decade later. And the percentage of people aged under 14 gradually declined to 20% by the end of 2000, while the figure for people aged over 65 increased noticeably to 20% (on a par with the under 14 age group).  
  
And the proportion of the 15-46 age group and people aged under 14 may keep failing sharply to approximately 55% and 4% respectively until 2040. By comparison, the percentage of over-65s age groups is likely to grow significantly to 50%, only slightly less than the 15-46 age group.  
  
Overall, the proportion of elderly people in Japan is rising rapidly, while the proportion of middle-aged people and children is both showing a moderate decline. By 2040, the proportion of the elderly and middle-aged population is expected to be closer, and considerably higher than the proportion of children. (253 words)  
  
***For those of you who have read this paper, could you please give me some advice on IELTS Task 1? I am not familiar with the composition structure of IELTS Task 1. When practicing Task 1, I often find that when I finish expressing what I want to express, it usually takes more than 20 minutes, and the number of words is far more than the 150 words mentioned in the question. How can I solve this problem? Please tell me, thanks.***  
  
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The number one requirement of this task is the ability of the writer to say what he means clearly using the best descriptive words possible, while using actual data from the image. This is a quick analysis presentation. It does notrequire indirect then direct references. State the data in the paragraph, not in the parenthesis. Avoid exaggerated and emotional references. Save that for specific task 2 discussions. The task 1 essay is not a creative writing exercise. There is no need to overstate information. That sends the analysis off track and renders the presentation less than accurate to the reader. These changes should lessen your word count and keep you within the 20 minute mark.
## WATER USAGE diagram

  
  
***The chart below shows the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.***  
**Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
The diagram displays the percentage of water usage for several objectives in some regions of the world. Overall, the chart is separated into three usages such as industrial use with white color, agricultural use with white color and fill with the line, and domestic use with black color. Most developed countries utilize water for industrial areas. Meanwhile, developing countries use water in farming areas.  
  
Based on the data, I will divide the percentage of water used into three groups. First, the group consists of South America, Central Asia, and Africa, which use water by ranking for farming, domestic, and industrial areas. North America and Europe are in the second group. These two regions used water majority for industrial needs (48% and 53%), agricultural needs (39% and 32%), and only a few percent (13% and 15%) for domestic use. The last group is South East Asia, with 81% spent water for agricultural fields, 12% on industrial, and the last 7% on domestic.  
  
(161 words)  
  
Please help me to evaluate my writing skills, read and comment if it's possible, and please also give a score. Thank you in advance.  
  
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It would help you improve your Task 1 writing style if you refer to other examples with regards how to write it and how to better identify the images presented. Your essay is a non passing one at this point because it does not meet the writing requirements of the task. I guess you are self studying which is why you made these accidental errors in your writing.  
  
For starters, you need to identify the image provided in a single descriptive word. You were not provided with a diagram, but you were provided with a chart. But what kind of chart? The correct identifier is a pie chart. You need not over describe the image provided. Do not mention how the information is divided but give the type of information division instead. Remember to indicate the measurement used next time.  
  
A task 1 essay is always composed of 3-4 paragraphs. 3 paragraphs for one image, 4 paragraphs for more than 2 images. So you already get a failing score for the presentation format and expected response format. You should not describe what you are going to do, just do it. This is a report paper, not an opinion paper. Do not integrate task 2 writing requirements in a task 1 essay. These are 2 different formats and require different information presentation styles.  
  
You did your best to present a proper task 1 essay. The problem, is that your idea of how it should be formatted and presented is different from the actual scoring requirement. The presentation is nothing but a disorganized outline of your thoughts, it is not a proper report presentation. Next time, outline your ideas based on the image grouping and then write the draft. That way you get a better idea of what you want to say and how you should say it.  
  
There are ample examples of task 1 essays at this forum that you can learn from. I suggest you read the previous practice essays for this topic as listed in the Similar Discussions section under this post. You are sure to gain useful knowledge from it.
## phones ban at schools

  
  
In the ever-changing world, when technology and digital devices are playing a prominent role in people's lives, current children are believed to be the earliest generation to approach and grow up with these devices. When adults supposed that in the school, phones or tablets should be forbidden, I reckon that children should be allowed to use their digital devices in appropriate ways.  
  
There are various reasons why phones should be stayed away from children, especially during the time they study at school. First of all, students easily to engrossed in recreational activities on applications on their phones when they use social media, playing games, chatting, without control. As a result, they will be distracted and can not concentrate on their work at school. Moreover, some unoffical information on the internet can exert a tremendous impact on students's ways of thinking and behaviour.  
  
On the other hand, it is believed that children can utilize their time of studying when they can use their own devices. Some educational apps are helping pupils to acquire new knowledge by effectve ways. Not only that, social media activities can help children to make more friends, be more talkative and have more relationships when they can connect with people around the globe. It is also an efficient way for them to reduce their stress at school and unwind their mind.  
  
In the final analysis, I reaffirm my conviction that phones and others technology devices can have both posiitive and negative impact on children's physical and mental health. To help them utilize the benefit of these devices, parents should talk more with their children and explain the merits and demerits of consuming phones.
This is an essay that requires 2 comparison points and several writer's opinion in its discussion development. Based on the way the restatement was presented along with the opinion s the response should have covered 3 paragraphs in the following format:  
  
Par. 2: 1st public opinion reasoning + writer's point of view of the discussion.  
Par. 3: 2nd public opinion reasoning + writer's opinion of this reason.  
Par. 4: Writer's personal opinion + explanation.  
  
While pronoun usage can be found in this essay, he is not referring to the correct audience with it He should use pronouns to indicate other people's opinions and his own. The current format does not really work based on the required discussion format. The approach is not really applicable since the comparative nature of the debate topic was not met. S how what is right and wrong with each public opinion.Then say whether you support it or not. Explain why. Present your personal opinion based on personal reasons if your opinion is not aligned with the public opinions provided. Your stand-alone opinion is optional. The main discussion surrounds the provided topics only. That is what the examiner will expect from the response of the exam taker.
some scientist  
Some is a plural adjective so it cannot be used with a singular reference. Use the indefinite article "a" instead to refer to a singular/ particular number. Change "believe" to the correct third-person singular simple present indicative form "believes" to complete the grammar correction in that part.  
  
we lose a lot!  
Such over emphasis is unacceptable in an academic research paper. Emotional statements like these create a bias presentation in a paper required to be neutral in stance. Either tone it down or remove the statement.  
  
NMN  
You are too excited about the research. You totally forgot to define and introduce this term to the reader. It left me confused. What is this? Why dowe produce it? Why is it important?  
  
\* Limited review provided due to paper length. Contact me privately for a comprehensive review.
## export earnings (2015-2016)

  
  
The bar chart illustrates the export earnings of the USA from five different products. The table below shows the percentage change in values for five different products.  
  
Generally speaking, except for the case of gems and jewelry and agricultural products, all the surveyed categories experienced an upswing trend in their export values from 2015 to 2016. Additionally, the figure for textiles observed the most dramatic change throughout the examined period.  
  
Between 2015 and 2016, petroleum product export earnings increased by 3%, from $60 billion to more than $63 billion, while agricultural product export earnings remained relatively stable. By contrast, the figure for gems and jewelry started at about $40B, but later it witnessed a fall of 5.18% in 2016.  
  
In 2015, the export value of engineered goods was around $57 billion, rising to more than $60 billion in 2016. Such a growth rate, however, was even more pronounced in the case of textiles, with a sharp increase of 15.24%, from more than $25 billion to around $31 billion in just one year of the examined period.  
  
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Always remember that this report is written on the assumption that the reader does not have a copy of the image on hand. Therefore, using image locations in the statement is useless. That is an incorrect writing format that will result in deductions. As the writer, you are expected to deliver the image information without the need to resort to location references.  
  
Even though the word " generally" was used to indicate a trending statement, the use of factual data in the presentation altered the purpose and meaning of the paragraph. A general statement should have been made using estimates, with measurement indicators but not actual data such as indicative years. A differentiation between image trend descriptors should also be used in the explanation. This is another format problem and deduction. Yes, even small errors have small point reductions. One could actually fail the test that way as it all adds up in the end.  
  
Using the 4 paragraph format was the correct overall presentation to use. Your main problem stems from the response format problems rather than overall formatting.  
  
The reporting paragraphs will be scored less due to the incorrect paragraph formatting and GRA issues. A complete academic paragraph requires a 3-5 sentence presentation. A complete sentence uses one idea per line. The overall essay lacks in proper sentence structure usage. The GRA score is going to be low due to the lack of varied sentence types, minimal use of varied punctuation macks, and the constant use of eun-on sentences.
## children Discipline

  
  
Should children be imparted self-monitoring by their biological parents or should the government shoulder this responsibility on account of school discipline proved ineffective in contemporary epoch? In this essay, I shall discuss both sides of this controversial issue prior to going on to state why I tend to agree with the notion that parents are probably to blame whenever a child becomes disrespectful or develops unacceptable behaviors.  
  
Those in favor of government intervention aimed at reforming behavioral problems of children, often lay particular stress on a high-disciplined generation since the state can resort to policy instruments concerning the importance of this attribute, including incentives, bans and mandates, information campaigns, and nudges. Only by doing so can public policies foster generally acceptable standards of behavior in the youth and raise emotionally stable adults. The argument, therefore, is that government involvement constitutes one of the viable solutions to tackle the lack of discipline in school. Hence, policy instruments capable of engendering behavior change on the part of citizens, especially the juveniles, have greatly assisted educators in surmounting disciplinary obstacles.  
  
Convincing as the above-mentioned appear to be, there are many who believe that teaching children responsible behavior and self-control is commonly attributed to parental onus as parents have been deemed to be the most influential role models in a child's life. In other words, it is strategically vital to seek the most effective parenting methods that ought not to be relied heavily on corporal punishment since indiscriminately using disciplinary measures or inflicting pain on children to cease them to misbehave solely instills in them gratuitous violence of resolving the problems. This is also a raging debate about the indiscipline among children in schools in which a conducive learning environment should have been created. Accordingly, parents need empowering to be more involved in school discipline policies and procedures at best for the sake of hindering young generation from the waywardness and irresponsibility.  
  
In conclusion, there seem to be valid reasons on both sides of the argument and ideally, not only is government intrusion considered to be virtually indispensable to aid schools in correcting misbehavior of students but also their parents should cooperate. Yet, I am consistently a staunch supporter of the idea that children should be brought up in a home in which there is unconditional love along with clear boundaries, limits, rules and consequences to make them consciously move from obedience to accountability.
Your restatement is confusing to read. To be honest, it is not even remotely close to the original discussion topic. Even your personal opinion in so disconnected from the instructions and discussion bases that it does not meet task requirements. The preliminary score of this essay is on the failing side because of the aforementioned reasons. The exam taker clearly has incapacities when it comes to the overall writing requirements. So much so that this essay, in its totality will not meet sectional passing scores.  
  
I do not know what topic you are discussing in this essay but this is not reflective of the original discussion points. Your comprehension skills in relation to the instructions are severely off base. No amount of word usage will make this a passing essay. It is over written and also incomprehensible for the most part.  
  
Your improvement points should address comprehension, grammar usage, sentence structure, and relevant word usage. These may be addressed point by point in your ESL classes.
## the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults

  
  
In recent years, the population of young adults has been far higher than that of elderly people in some countries. This trend may be advantageous to some extent, but I am of the opinion that its drawbacks are eclipsed by its benefits.  
  
On the one hand, an increasing young population and a falling old one contribute to national economic development. In fact, young people tend to acquire knowledge in a quicker way than the elderly. Therefore, the country will have a well-educated prospective workforce in the near future, leading to economic growth. Furthermore, there are several social welfare expenses for the elderly. These could include pension and healthcare services. With a decreasing old population, the government can save a large amount of money; therefore, it can invest their budget in some more urgent aspects of life involving education, infrastructure, poverty, and so on.  
  
On the other hand, I believe that this phenomenon possesses more demerits than merits. Firstly, the large number of young people may result in job losses. As the labor market is becoming increasingly competitive, it is undoubtedly difficult for young job seekers to find a high-paying job. Consider Vietnam, where many university graduates are unable to find work despite holding excellent bachelor's degrees. Second, while young people are apprehensive, the older generation has more work experience. They seem to be more dominant than the young when it comes to complicated cases. Too many young workers in a company can lead to unproductivity.  
  
In conclusion, in spite of some advantages, I argue that this trend comprises more disadvantages associated with employment loss and companies' unproductivity.
There is a redundancy existing in your opinion statement. The double presentation of your openion in a single sentence led to a confusing idea presentation. The fust half of the sentence is already clear and only required the short reasoning topics to support it. The last half of the statement was the correct response but it was lacking the summarized reasons presentation. So, even though the restatement is accurate, the paragraph will still receive demerits in terms of accuracy, coherence, and word usage because of o presentation confusion..  
  
Now, scoring is only applied to relevant paragraphs. Your first reasoning presentation does not qualify for scoring. This presentation contradicts your previously stated point of view. The examiner expects to read 2 supporting reasons in independent paragraphs. What does this mean? You are showing an indecisive opinion, meaning you cannot really support your own opinion as the essay requires. This runs counter to the single opinion support requirement. It will be stricken from consideration and deducted from the word count. It will be an obstacle to passing the teat.  
  
What you should have done was focus on developing the 2 reasons you presented in the second paragraph.These are the 2 independent reasons that should have been developed within 5 sentences per paragraph. Properly explaining these reasons would have resulted in a maximum overall scoring consideration. The concluding summary also does not meet the I sentence, 40 word requirement so it cannot be given a passing mark either.  
  
You understood the topic and discussion requirements. It was the response format that is incorrect. I am sure you will do better next time as you now have a writing guideline to go by.
## the impact of music

  
  
Music plays an indispensable part in many aspects of people's lives. While many point out that helping people relieve stress is the most crucial role of music, I disagree with this idea because I believe that music has other equally important functions including driving people's productivity and support musicians to convey their emotions or messages.  
  
On the one hand, I believe that one of music's undeniably outstanding missions is being a measure for people's pressures and mental strains. Firstly, from a scientific perspective, healing music with slow rhythms can curb the production of cortisol - the stress hormone, and enhance the dopamine generation cycle - the hormone stimulating our brains to receive positive emotions. In reality, in the past few years, the emerge of million-stream "healing" or "chilling" playlists with a wide range of Jazz songs, piano cover audios, or classical tracks on streaming platforms like Youtube, Spotify, and Souncloud has become a prominent trend. The huge number of streams as well as the increasingly monthly listeners quantity ascertain the role of music as a tool of relaxing. Moreover, to musicians, singers or other individuals working in the music industry, music may be like a magical remedy for stresses, or even mental illnesses. Many renowned artists like Billie Janet Jackson, Halsey, Eilish, etc. publicly disclosed how they struggled wth mental health issues and how music became a supplement type in their treatment process of emotional breakdowns.  
  
However, music can bring other irrefutable benefits to mankind: to boost working or studying productivity and to unveil implicit feelings and messages. First, when listening to music, people can enhance their deep concentration level and cognitive capacity - two fundamental factors for individuals working in fields requiring the utter vigilance and logical thingking such as programmers, software engineers or scientific researchers. Another key benefit of music is its ability to dedicately express songwriters' thoughts, emotions, and messages, which other tools' such as stories, poems, or speeches may not be as effective as. Thanks to lyrics, beats and melodies, a sad love stragedy, a desire to seize the freedom or a pride in hometown landscapes can be described vividly. Therefore, musicians can find sympathy from their audience, bring positive energy into life or awake listeners' hidden compassions and passions. Michael Jackson - a king of pop sucessfully provoked people's sense of responsibilty for our Earth through classical songs like 'Heal the world', 'We are the world', 'Earth song', etc.  
  
In conclusion, I disagree with the view that the most significant role of music is supporting people in relieving stress, because I believe that productive capacity intensifying and affections communicating are music's other equally important functions.