dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Aro, the descriptions that you wrote for Elijah and Benjamin are perfect. Don't change anything about it. It is fun, informative, and allows a wide range of people to get to know them on a general level. The same cannot be said for the description that you wrote for Sam. It is not as good as the other 2. I find that is a bit more selfish in presentation because you describe her on a personal level within the context of her relationship with you as her best friend. Try to make the description of Sam as casual, relaxed, and funny as the general description that you gave the other 2. That way, it doesn't come across as obvious partiality on your part with regards to the degree of friendships that you have with all 3. Think of the reasons why people would like Sam when they meet her. The same way that you presented Elijah and Benjamin. It has to focus less on your personal relationship and more on what makes Sam a good person and a friend to everyone. You can do this by removing the personal references to your friendship with her. Revise it to be more descriptive of the person as an overall girl next door, friend to all kind of thing. That will make it more interesting and fun to read.
Daniel, I think you can get a top score of 5 for this essay. The line of argument and reasoning that you present is sound, although a bit too long at times. If you must, divide a paragraph into 2 topic paragraphs. Your second paragraph really ran on too long discussing different topics related to the rise of Korean society which made it difficult to read. Had you divided it into separate paragraphs, reader fatigue would not have set in as it did for me. If reader fatigue sets in, the examiner may give you a lower than expected score. If you want to improve your discussion of this sort of essay, you must make sure to clearly and lengthily discuss the position that you do not support first. By presenting that first, you give more of a sense of logic and reasoning to the position you support because of the examples and other supporting facts that you will be presenting. While you did the reverse in this essay, it still worked. If you had done it in the manner I suggested, you would have probably garnered a score of 6 instead.
**Writing Task 2: The Internet has as many disadvantages as it does advantages**. To what extent do you agree with this statement?  
  
Response:  
  
## evaluation of the internet

  
  
Since the Internet was created by revolutionary men in 90's it became an indispensable thing in our life. Moreover, it changed the way we live, the way we work completely in both positive and negative ways by its advantages and disadvantages. In my opinion, the Internet brings more benefit for us than damage in every aspect.  
  
Firstly, the internet helps us more efficient in working by its outstanding abilities about time and space. The speed of connection's internet faster and faster in every day that transports the information between us more quickly and efficiently in every distance on Earth. For example, before the Internet became common, we had sent a fax through telegraph line, it took us at least few days came to the receiver. Now it just takes a few minutes to send an email.Secondly, the internet has ability to connect people in everywhere. People can communicate more easily without coming in the real through an online network. Finally. The Internet makes a lot of money for us by selling the products in online, it helps buyers shopping easily. It creates a new channel to boost revenue.  
  
In the contrast, the Internet has some major disadvantages. when it became common it makes us more openly by publishing our personal information such as identity, account bank and so on. The internet becomes a tool to steal that by some hackers to using with bad purposes. Moreover, the Internet can be addictive, especially to young people who always need communicate with others by using too much that takes a lot of their time.  
  
In the conclusion, the internet is undisputable bring a huge benefit to our life however, it also has bad effect to our health. We need aware of both sides to take its advantages and restrict the negative effect of its disadvantages.
Kien, in this essay, you misunderstood the prompt instructions regarding its discussion format. I can understand why you were a bit confused as to how to discuss the essay because you were given two opinions that exist in reference to this particular discussion. The mistake that you made was that you created a comparison essay in response to the prompt. I believe you made that mistake because you were asked to "agree or disagree" with the statement. This seems to trip up most of the students who have to write this essay. They usually end up writing a comparison essay like you did. Let me let you in on a little secret. In this particular prompt, the word "OR" is very significant because it asks you to make one choice for your response. After you make a choice, you have to only write about that opinion that you chose to support. That makes writing the essay a lot simpler don't you think? You don't have to write about 2 discussions, just one. In the essay that you wrote, you need to adjust 2 portions in order to make it more prompt compliant.  
  
The first change you have to make, is in the opening statement. In the discussion instruction sentence at the end of the paragraph, just say you agree with the statement instead of saying that there are reasons why the internet brings more benefits. You can say something like;  
  
*Based upon certain personal considerations, I would like to discuss the extent of my agreement with this statement in the following paragraphs.*  
  
That is actually the expected discussion instruction which is also the thesis statement for your essay. That completes the opening statement outline.  
  
The next thing you have to change, is the third paragraph that created the comparison discussion in your essay. Stick to the agreement discussion by offering another line of discussion that allows you to further strengthen your support of the statement. This could be something along the lines of a personal experience, popular opinion, or something else. Whatever it is, just make sure that it supports the thesis statement that you presented.  
  
Finally, the concluding statement follows the platform of a comparison essay. Based upon the points for correction I have given you above, it should be easy for you to guess what changes you need to make in that particular paragraph right? I know you can do it :-)
1) You use the wrong tense in the first sentence. Since... has been...  
2) Use plural form for 'benefit' and 'damage', mate.  
3) You did not answer to what extent you agree or disagree with the opinion. You just state that there are more advantages than drawbacks. This will influence your task response score.  
  
4) Check your usage of preposition.  
5) Your way of expressing ideas is still cumbersome. Sometimes, I have difficulty understanding your view. This need to be fixed; otherwise, your score will be lowered.  
  
6) There are grammatical errors. Fix them! They are serious problems.  
7) You misunderstood the topic. It asked you to tell whether you are in favour of the idea or not and to what extent, not list the pros and cons. Of course, you can list them in order to prove your view; however, you must also answer the question directly. I can see that you are disagree with the view, but you have to write it down and then describe your further ideas to back up your opinion.
**Question**  
With the increased global demand in oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up to access more resources.  
To what extent do you agree?  
  
This is my first post. I am using Writing&Improve, but I find that the system is not able to provide advices on sentence structure and grammar. I am self-studying the IELTS exam, I hope someone here can help. Thankyou. Please comments.  
  
consumption of energy and limited resources  
  
**My writing**  
The consumption of fossil fuels, such as oil and gas, are raising internationally, so there is a pressure to discover a new source of resources in some places where is not revealed before. In my opinion, I agree to look up new resources in order to maintain the daily activities, however, I disagree focus on fossil fuels only. It is highly important for everyone to discover green resources, for instance wind and solar power.  
  
Due to the increase in population, it shows an upward trend of the demand in resources. One method to keep the usage under control is through the birth control, however, this will cause a serious political issue. Hence, if we are not able to manipulate the demand, the only solution is an increase in supply.  
  
With regards to traditional resources, the widespread use of oil and gas will create serious pollution. The toxic gas, released by car engines, is deteriorating the air quality which leads to lungs cancer and it becomes one of the common diseases in the metropolitans. Therefore, despite the fact that the excellent transport network is increased convenience and efficiency drastically, the countries will have a greater burden of medical expenses if gas is the main resource.  
  
Nevertheless, green resources provide a supplementary choice for us. Thanks to the scientists, the technique of green resources become reliable and cost-efficient. This is a clean and sustainable alternative which is turning the nature power into energy. So, the government can take the lead to use more renewable resources and make it filter through to the community. Thus, we will live in a safe and convenient city.  
  
In conclusion, although the consumption is increasing, we have a better option to satisfy the shortage by developing green resources.
Hi Mandy, welcome to EssayForum. You've come to the right place for a self reviewing exam taker. I'll do my very best to assist you during your review process. You can write the essays based upon the program you are using to review for the test, then post it here for real time comments and advice from me. Just remember though, as a contributor, I can only give you one free advice per thread. So don't ever forget to post the prompts (for Task 2) and images plus prompts (for Task 1). For now, I would like to focus on your current essay. Rest assured, if you listen to the advice that I give you and apply all the improvements I will be suggesting, we can get you ready for the IELTS test in almost no time.  
  
It is important that you familiarize yourself with the various essay discussion prompts that you will be coming across for the Task 2 essay. Each essay has a specific discussion format that needs to be followed. In this essay, it is an "extent" discussion that you need to be presenting. When you work on an extent essay, you need to focus on the reasons why you either agree or disagree with the essay. The minute you discuss both points of view, you fail the TA section, which fails the test because you did not follow the required instructions from the original prompt.  
  
In this essay, you need to only provide the extent of your support or non-support as either partial, total, or complete. Choose from one of the 3 extent descriptions and write a 3 body paragraph that offers support and justification for your point of view. Then summarize the important points of the essay in the conclusion and close. It's that simple.  
  
You have to remember to be consistent in your writing. The normal format for a Task 2 essay is 5 paragraph, minimum of 3 (maximum of 5) sentences per paragraph. This format will allow you to fully utilize the potential of your writing when it comes to the scoring considerations. You increase your overall score by writing more interesting body paragraphs. For this essay though, I think you will do well with only 4 paragraphs because a personal opinion is not required. 5 paragraphs is the ideal presentation. However, if it is not required, you don't need to present 5 paragraphs. Anywhere between 4-5 paragraphs is acceptable.  
  
Since this is your first essay at this forum and you did not follow the correct format for the presentation, I will not be scoring your essay at this point. You need to present an essay that properly addresses the requirements of the discussion. Don't bother to revise this essay because I won't be able to review it. Just move on to the next essay topic, pick one that has the same instruction as this essay (extent) and then post that one in a new thread. I will then review that essay and start working with you on your points for improvement.
@toetoefldog there are numerous spelling mistakes in your essay that show how you are familiar with English vocabulary, but not with the spelling of these words. Let me point out some of those for you: condusive = conducive, persuiting - pursuing, phenominon = phenomenon, squnder = squander, extinctive = extensive, activitis = activities, and a host of other spelling errors.  
  
There is also the way that you start your sentences that pose a problem. For example, you can never say "According to me" because the phrase "According to" means that you are referring to a statement or experience of another person, someone other than yourself. The correct opening phrase is "In my experience..." Also, you should never start an academic sentence with "and" because that is a connecting word. Using it at the start of a sentence doesn't connect it to anything so it creates a sentence that has the wrong grammar structure. Remember, the sentence structures will be considered in the final scoring so you have to try and create properly spelled out and grammatically correct sentences at all times.
@toetoefldog, I do not know how people organise paragraphs in a toefl test, so I just give you advice on grammar and vocabulary.  
1) Check the meaning of 'To this extent' because I do not think you fully understand how to use it.  
2) ~~are~~ more easily  
3) we already know what our talent is and where my interest lies => prevent this mistake from happening again by checking your finished work.  
  
4) what their persuiting => what they are persuing.  
5) phenominon => wrong spelling.  
There are more obvious and serious mistakes you have made but I cannot list all of them. Maybe you need to practice in terms of vocabulary and grammar first and then apply them in your writing. Good luck.
*IELTS Writing Task 2: Essay Writing- Review and suggest the band score*  
  
Here is the topic  
**"Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and this money could be better spent elsewhere.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree?"**  
  
## money on arts is wasted?

  
  
*Response:*  
  
It is thought by some that the funds are being exhausted un-necessarily, on the arts, by the government and that this amount can be utilized in a much better way in other avenues. In my opinion, although it's important to promote the arts and, therefore, investing in it is definitely required, excessive spending on arts is counter-effective and that this amount can be better used in other areas.  
  
On the one hand, it's imperative for the government to promote the arts and make sure that it has sufficient funds available to do so. Promoting arts and investing in it serves a number of purposes. Firstly, art is considered to be a matter of national pride and one's self-esteem and, it is closely linked to a nation's cultural heritage; investing in art, therefore, can give a boost to a nation's image. Secondly, a lot of creativity and imagination is required to develop the art. These are the important parameters that enhance the skills of an individual and may have a lasting effect. Lastly, investment made in the arts may result in the source of revenue for a nation which can be used for nation building and other development activities. A nation with rich cultural heritage and strong foundation in art can be attractive to the tourists from all over the world.  
  
On the other hand, the funds exhausted in developing and promoting the arts, can be better utilized on other areas that may have a direct and lasting impact on a nation's well-being. For example, the money can be spent on developing the infrastructure and technology, promoting the educational programs, building the cost-effective healthcare program, etc. This would ensure the nation's progress and people will be able to live more fulfilled and satisfactory lives.  
  
In conclusion, although it is really important to put enough emphasis on the promotion of the arts, thereby investing in it appropriately, a significantly larger proportion of the fund must be made available to those areas that will have a direct impact on a nation's progress, people's well-being, and their standard of life. It does not make a lot of sense to keep investing in arts when people don't have an access to basic infrastructure and facilities.
Mayank, while this is an opinion paper essay, the type of opinion you must discuss is clearly indicated in the prompt instructions. Your line of reasoning must be along the lines of either an agreement or disagreement with the opinion indicated in the original statement. The paraphrasing prompt that you developed for your response essay doesn't follow the original instructions. You do not indicate an agreement or disagreement with the given statement as indicated by the instruction sentence at the end of the original prompt. Therefore, you are not discussing the essay in the manner required and this essay will be considered to be either unresponsive to the prompt requirements or barely discussing a topic related to the task. The only score for this essay will be anywhere between a 2 and a 3. The final score will be dependent upon the other considerations the examiner may have regarding your work.  
  
Your opening statement, by the way, is a very long run-on sentence that needs to be divided into at least 2 more sentences. Dividing the long sentences would have at least created the 3 sentence minimum requirement for the essay. However, since you did not discuss the correct topic, that is moot and academic at this point.
## family history researches are popular nowadays

  
  
In recent decades, more people are curios about the history of their family. Who were their ancestors? What did they do? These questions make them try to find out the root of their family.  
  
Despite difficulties, there are several reasons why they do that. Firstly, a lot of people try to find their long-lost family member for a reunion. For instance, many people try to look for the location where their relatives, who joined in wars, were buried and bring back to the homeland to be with their ancestors. Secondly, some with a special first name like "Dao", they may want to know if their root related to the royalty or some celebrities. Thirdly, others want to find out the information of their relatives about some genetic diseases in the past.  
  
With these reasons above, this can be considered as a positive development. People are anle to uphold the family traditions, prevent some diseases and so on. However, there is still a drawback. Some are obsessed with the past and forget the present and his or her future. Also, it costs a huge amount of money.  
  
In conclusion, finding the history of the family is a good trend for the young to remember their ancestors. An author used to say: " The further you can look in the past, the further you can see in the future".
Phuong, I understand that this is your first time writing an IELTS Task 2 essay. Which is why you have some serious formatting and discussion mistakes in this essay. I take it that you are not attending review classes and are studying on your own right? It is pretty evident in the manner that the essay was written. Which is why I will opt to simply advice you regarding your mistakes at this point. I am expecting that after my explanations, you will show an improvement in your next practice essay presentation.  
  
An opening statement needs to accurately rephrase the original prompt. You did not do that in this essay. The opinion that the tracing of the family history is a positive trend should have been the last part of the opening statement. It would have come after the restatement of the topic, discussion instructions, and opinion overview presentation. Since your essay does not follow this format, you can bet that you will not get a good score on this essay.  
  
The body paragraph discussions are not accurately done either. That is because you mixed the discussion points required in the opening statement with the informative discussion paragraphs portion of the essay. You will be losing score considerations quite rapidly at this rate and will most likely get less than passing scores in the process.  
  
I strongly suggest that you review other essays relating to the same topic in this forum so that you can familiarize yourself with the proper formatting and expected discussion when it comes to similar themes in the future. That would be the best way to prepare yourself for the discussion that this sort of prompt requires.
Duc, I will not give you a score for this essay because you did not accurately follow the prompt instructions. You have to remember, the IELTS test is designed to test your ability to ready, understand, and follow a given set of instructions for the discussion of a particular topic. In this essay, the main requirement for the discussion was to discuss both sides and give your opinion within the body of paragraphs. You neglected to present your personal opinion after a discussion of the two sides. Therefore, the essay did not follow the prompt requirements and will receive a low score. I would not say it would fail in totality, but , with the TA score being considered, there is no way that the essay will pass that first criteria. As such, the rest of the scores to be given will also be low.  
  
In terms of content, your paragraphs are held back from properly developing the discussions and complex sentences because you are trying to discuss too many reasons all at once. What you have to do is just pick one reason, the strongest one that you can defend, then fully develop that paragraph. Pay particular attention to your tense usage. For example there is an error in :  
  
industries are still considerably relied on fossil fuel energy  
The correct statement would be:  
  
... industries are still considerably **reliant** on...  
  
Reliant is the present tense form of the word relied. You need to brush up on your skills in that section of English usage.  
  
Then, there is the problem of your misuse of certain English terms that will lower your LR score:  
  
is how to remain the economy growth rate  
The proper presentation is:  
  
... how to **sustain** the **economic** ...  
  
Of course, there is still the lack of personal opinion in the essay that needs to be addressed. Without it, the essay is incomplete and does not follow the prompt requirements. This makes it obvious that you have not discussed the essay in the required format. Therefore, the essay may not get a passing score in the end. If you honestly want a score, I think it will most likely be a 4.
Hello Đức,  
  
You could write 250-300 words for task 2, but your essay is 407 words.  
  
Your paragraphs do not follow the prompt: The first para, you said *For the supporters of the idea of economic development and environment preservation harmony* but you didn't write details about bad effects, You just discussed solution.....  
  
In the second para, you said *Those who condemn the combination of economic development and environment protection*  
. But most of your para gave example about the reason of bad effects, why governments can't start this idea?.  
  
I hope it can help you,  
  
Minh Phuc