dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
TOPIC  
**## Write a story about a person who inspires you.

  
*What does this person do? Why is it important? How does this person influence you and others?* (250-300 words)**  
  
Family is always significant in our hearts; it is the one we think of and wish to return to wherever we go. When we think of family, we quickly think of parents, siblings, or other family members. Today I would like to tell you about my father, who has always played a pivotal role in my family.  
  
My father is a farmer, and he has the dark skin and muscular body that farmers usually have. Despite being over 50, the age at which a farmer should retire, Dad continues to work every day, taking care of the Durian garden, ensuring that my family has food to eat, clothes to wear, and my sisters and I will have a better future. My father is important in my family; he always does his best for us. Every time I called or spoke with him, he constantly urged, "You should eat more, and you should drive carefully." Being an introvert himself, my Dad does not reveal his emotions like other fathers, but I know he constantly concerns and worries about me. Whenever he does something, he devotes his entire focus to it until it finishes. He will not easily give up against adversity. I once witnessed him try to fix the machine, but by looking around, I could tell it was too old to operate again, but my father doesn't see it that way; he spent hours fixing it, step by step, and at the end of the day, It worked again. This story inspires me a lot about whether or not I should easily give up and try something more accessible. I always tell myself, "Be like your father, never give up until you succeed, or there's no way to finish it anymore."  
  
When I was a child, I saw my father as a hero, and even today, as an adult, I still see him as someone I should emulate. I hope he stays healthy so I can continue to learn from him on my life's path.
The introduction should not focus on the importance of family since that is a general statement. The target person in this essay is your father. Use the introduction to explain how you view the importance of a father in your life. Introduce his character as the embodiment of a good feather, husband, and head of family in relation to how he influences you, your siblings, mother, or his co-farmers. You are not representing all the descriptive points from the instruction. You are talking about him only in relation to you which, although a part of the presentation, is not the only aspect to be presented. Good conclusion though. It sums up your positive thoughts about your father perfectly.
## harsh punishment for traffic rules violations

  
  
Some people think that imposing strict punishment on drivers who break the laws is the prominent method to cut down on traffic accidents while others believe that there are other ways far more effective in promoting road safety.  
  
On the one hand, strict punishments are deemed to be efficient in decreasing the number of traffic accidents. This is due to the fact that those penalties play as a deterrent in preventing travelers from violating laws that are common all over the world, thereby making society become more disciplined. Take an example of running a red light, after having to pay a penalty of around two million, my brother has become more responsible and has followed the rules with more senses.  
  
On the other hand, some argue that rather than carrying out heavy penalties on lawmakers, other measures should be taken to deal with road safety-related problems. Firstly, it is essential to raise awareness among all permitted residents of the severity of road accidents as well as the responsibility for safety and this could be done even in schools or through campaigns launched by the local authorities. Secondly, more attention should be devoted to traffic signs. They are one of the effective tools that can warn people of the possibilities of accidents if they fail to follow.  
  
In conclusion, options are divided on whether harsh punishment is the best way to improve road safety or other measures that need to be considered. I believe that imposing such strict penalties is not the most outstanding way to reduce the number of traffic accidents as well as promoting safety for the people on the road.
The prompt restatement should be divided into 2 separate sentences since these are 2 conflicting ideas and reasoning presentations. It is also - a thisis statement based on your opinion. You mistakenly placed that personal point of view in the concluding paragraph. The incorrect placement of your opinion made the essay presentation incorrect. You will definitely not get a passingTA score because of there format errors. Your personal opinion needs to be just as well explained as the public opinions so that you can create a relevant concluding paraphrase.  
  
The discussion presentations are on point for the most part. In both paragraphs, the under-development comes from the 2nd and 3nd reasons presented. The first reason is normally well explained but the successive reasons are not. You need to use reasons that support one another in the paragraphs. Your reasons are mostly stand alone and need clearly explained individual paragraphs to better explain these to the reader.. What you need, for C + C purposes, are 2 reasons that clearly connect in the paragraphs. That way you don't need to try to develop clear and related explanations for unrelated topics.
## pros and cons of the young society

  
  
There is an increasing tendency in some countries' population density in which the rate of juvenile is higher than that of older people. While discussing the pros and cons of the consequences it may have. This essay tends towards the point of view that the benefits of this situation outweigh the drawbacks.  
  
On the one hand, it is undeniable that the increasing of young people in the society might embody many serious results. This is because the lack of experience in work and life that young generations have. Young people, especially adolescence, are usually not furnished with enough essential skills to have the adaptability as the senior citizens. Also, the population can be considered as the main factor that causes the proliferation of young-related crimes. A recent study for example, has shown that nearly 80 percent of crimes in the US caused by adolescence since their superficial understanding of the world. Most of them have the appetite for proving themselves. As a result, the whole society may endure the high incidence of crimes, sex, violence and strikes.  
  
On the other hand, the society in which young generation captures the main rate of population may take some considerable advantages. Initially, most of the young people have their enthusiasm which can lead them to the willingness of embracing new ideas. this is because they are practically open-minded to have foray into challenges in lieu of giving when facing with troubles. In other words, their creativity will pave the way for rejuvenation of pivotal fields in modern technology like economic, science and intellectual properties.  
  
In conclusion, while it is apparent that population which is almost young adults may have some consequences, it is worthwhile to claim that the young generation are more beneficial than the young ones.
You will not get a passing score in any section of this test. Your prompt restatement is confusing and does not give an accurate restatement of the original prompt. The second sentence of the first paragraph does not deliver an understandable staliment. It lacks clarity and meaning. At this point, I cannot even tell if you are anywhere near the correct restated reasoning and thesis response.  
  
You have a serious LR problem in this presentation. You repeatedly refer to juveniles and adolescents, meaning teens and Ple-teens. The essay refers to adults. So you are definitely not using the correct synonyms in this essay. That is only the start of the presentation issues in your work. Please provide the prompt next time to get a more precise review.  
  
\* Limited review provided due to lack of prompt and complex errors. contact me privately for the - possibility of an expanded review.
*Ielts writing task 2:  
**Many things can influence the academic achievements and emotional growth of a student. In this regard, peers have more of an impact than teachers do.***  
  
## To what extent doypu agree and disagree with this opinion?

  
  
Nowadays, whether the academic achievement and emotional growth are affected by students or teachers is a subject of debate. In my opinion, I firmly believe that fellow classmates have more of an influence than teachers do.  
  
To begin with, students may improve their academic performance by competing among their peers through learning process. Every students have a desire to outperform classmates and try to make an effort so that they can receive higher academic achievement, which makes them stimulate their motivations. For instance, students who study the same English materials in class may try to practice more exercises and learn new vocabularies by heart so as to get considerble scores in an English exam, which makes other students feel motivated to try their best. This demonstrates that competing plays an important role in enhancing students' academic results.  
  
On top of that, peers may have influence in developing emotional feelings by growing relationships among their friends. Children may spend a large amount of time on playing and talking with their classmates, which makes them control their inappropriate behavior in class. For example, students have a discussion about Vietnamese history by sharing ideas and knowledge in a teamwork according to teacher's requirement so that they can catch on it clearly. As a result, they will control their temper and get on well with other fellow classmates. This states that developing relationships by spending time on playing and talking with classmates is for children's emotional growth.  
  
In conclusion, peers play an important role in improving their academic achievement as well as growing their emotional feelings.  
  
=>> Is this essay okay? Please give me comments on it. Thank you so much ^^
In the first paragraph, deliver the subject of the sentence before the resulting action. Whose academic and emotional development ends up being influenced by these people ? Word equivalents you can use are learners, peers, young people. to mention a few. The first sentence lacks clarity because you forgot to mention the subject of the sentence. You gave an acceptable extent response, based on choices from the original. The thesis statement is ok. If you included 2 reasoning references, it would have been even better because of the solid discussion foundation presented.  
  
Every students  
Grammar problem. Every references a single piece while students is the plural forum of student . You cannot combine singular and plural references in a sentence. Use the singular form of students. Familiarize yourself with singular V. plural usage.  
  
Good work keeping on track with your single opinion defense. You showed cohesive and coherent discussions throughout which will allow you to get a high C + C score. It works well. However,the concluding paragraph is less than 40 words. This means your summary conclusion is weak and could reduce the TA score in terms of reverse paraphrase accuracy.
***Bringing in foreign workers to fill positions that domestic workers are unwilling to do can cause problems in the local community and should therefore be stopped.  
  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?***  
  
These days, appointing immigrants to positions that are not to the local preference is no longer an unfamiliar phenomenon in developed countries. As far as I am concerned, this policy should be abolished because it has a negative effect on the local inhabitants.  
  
Firstly, that companies hire immigrants gives rise to the declining economic structure of the host country. Abroad workers seek jobs that do not require essential skills or expert knowledge, and those to their liking are often located in remote areas. Unfortunately, local residents, the majority of whom are unskilled workers, also earn a living on the same types of career. Generally speaking, it is predicted that there will be an income competition between domestic and foreign workers, and there is likelihood of already low-paid local workers being more underpaid as a result of the increasing number of immigrants.  
  
Secondly, cultural disturbance in the local community stems from the surge in the number of foreign workers. Inevitably, people coming from outside will bring their traditions, rules, lifestyles and working etiquettes to the host country. Admittedly, cultural diversity is a positive development, but excessive interference from an external culture is prone to upset the local fabric of society. For example, as foreign workers who fulfill vacant positions often lack proper work attitudes, their presence in the local working environment may worsen the native's working manners. Likewise, the daily routine is also affected due to different traffic rules, causing a number of horrific accidents to occur.  
  
In conclusion, I completely agree that giving domestically unwanted employment to immigrants is associated with various disadvantages to the local community. It is because this policy diminishes employment prospects and ruins the daily life of native workpersons.
phenomenon  
Wrong word usage. By meaning this refers to: a fact, occurrence, or circumstance observed or observable. Use a more natural sounding word. The descriptive word "occurrence" would be more appropriate to use. Though phenomenon is a more high brow sounding word. It does not naturally fit into the written piece. The LR score increases not through - the use of complicated words, but through the proper use of everyday, commonly used English words . Regardless of the simplicity of the word being used. When used to infer the collect meaning, it helps your score.  
  
You created a discussion deviation which means you have not properly responded to the discussion question. for your reference :  
  
O.Q . : To what extent do you agree or disagree?  
Response: As far as I am concerned, this policy should be abolished because it has a negative effect on the local inhabitants.  
  
You failed to give an extent response. Instead you gave a personal opinion that does not respond to the direct question. You responded in an incorrect format that would result in a failing TA score.  
  
In conclusion, I completely agree  
This is your direct response to the question. It should be in the prompt paraphrase response section first, then repeated in the conclusion second to meet the correct response format requirement.
## Music concerts attendance

  
  
The proportion of inhabitants by a variety of age groups in a city participated music events from 2010 to 2015 is revealed in the graph  
  
Overall, although some groups experienced fluctuation trends, the youngest going to music concert increased gradually. Eventually, the latter showed the highest proportion.  
  
Initially, even after a sharp increase in the first next year by 10%, the percentage of the oldest went to music concert declined by same proportion in 2012, and the contrast trend by the similar comparison could be seen at those in medium age. While the ones with 55-64 years old showed a gradual increase by 10%, those in aged 25-44 decreased gradually by 10%. Nonetheless, the youngest was the most fascinated to the event, increasing to 58% in 2012.  
  
In 2013, when the proportion of people aged 75 and above going to music events hit a low just under one in ten, they recovered towards the years while those in 45-54 showed conversely trend. Simultaneously, those at 25-44 and 55-64 had shown the controvert trend. The former reached its support at 30% which had been recognized as the latter's resistance, and both bounced back from then onwards. However, the youngest ones continued to grow, revealing as the highest in visitors at the end.  
  
*
in the graph  
Preciseness is key when describing the image source due to the mental picture, or imagined measurement chart. This will bethe basis of the measurement data for the reader, so identify it properly. Differentiate it from the other graph types.  
  
in a city participated music events  
Corrected: ... city THAT participated IN music...  
  
That - pronoun that refers to degree as indicated  
  
In - preposition used to indicate inclusion  
  
Next time complete the summary overview by including a reference to the age indicators / brackets provided to offer a more complete summary. Additionally , use the age references in the paragraphs for clarity. You don't inform the reader of anything clearly when you refer to oldest and medium age in the report. The age brackets provide that clarity.
## What kind of progress is the most crucial for a country?

  
  
Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.  
  
Although advancing the economy is considered to be the top priority for a country by many governments, some people reckon that progress in other areas is as vital as in the economy alone. Both of these opinions have their merits; however, I am on the side of developing other areas such as welfare services.  
  
It is undeniable that having a huge national budget is the key to rule every aspect of a country, and that is the common reason for nations to invest most of their money in progressing the economy. For instance, either building infrastructure and housing for citizens or buying weapons to protect the nation need money. In fact, these areas account for a huge proportion of the budget. Thus, economic progress is arguably the only way to secure the standards of living of the people.  
  
However, a big economy is not the main factor to determine the quality of life of the people, but the welfare services are. For example, in a survey about which is the happiest country in the world, Bhutan ranks first. Surprisingly, Bhutan is neither a big economy nor a country with a long history, but it has good social security. Most citizens are well educated, and there is no war or unrest in this country. To me, keeping people in their happiest state increases their productivity, and they can develop the economy afterward with great stability.  
  
In conclusion, despite the preference for the economic progress of many governments, I believe that developing social security is equally important for a country, especially in the long term.
Both of these opinions have their merits; however, I am on the side of developing other areas such as welfare services.  
I love this part of your presentation. You successfully indicated 2 important elements in this presentation:  
  
- The comparative discussion reference  
- Your opinion + thesis statement  
  
Such a strong task response indicates:  
  
- Good English comprehension skills  
- strong restatement skills  
- A clearly supported opinion / thesis statement  
  
These are the positive points that will earn you a high preliminary TA score, all but assuring you of at least, a passing score. Now, let's talk about your response formatting error that pulled back your ability to score higher.  
  
I wish that you had used the clearer 3 paragraph format for your response. Why the 3 paragraph response ? Review the discussion requirement. Discuss both views ( 1 paragraph each) and give your own opinion (1 paragraph) . Consider the following based on your statement that :  
  
Both of these opinions have their merits  
Use one paragraph each to support the merit of each. Help the reader understand where the public reasons are right. Those reasons are inferred in the original prompt. further increase your TA score by doing this. Prove heightened C+c abilities on your part by connecting the 3 discussions. Make sure you save your strongest explanation for your opinion since it must stand alone.  
  
You did an acceptable job here but, in my opinion, it could have been better presented and scored.
## Essay about the percentage of total of world population

  
  
The bar chart gives information on the proportion of the entire population of the world in a long period of 100 years from 1950 to 2050.  
  
Overall, it is noticeable that the proportion of the population of three countries respectively China, USA, and Japan have decreased whilst India has increased for over the period. Another striking feature is that the percentage of the population of China is the highest of the four countries.  
  
As is shown, the highest percentage of the population in China can be observed at the beginning of the period, accounted for 23% while at the same time, Japan started at roughly 4%. In the following period, in 2002, China and Japan had a slight decline to 20% and 3%, respectively. In 2050, it has been predicted that the proportion of the population of two countries China and Japan will continue decreasing even shows a dramatically downward trend at 25% and approximately 2%, respectively.  
  
In India and the USA, at the beginning of the period, there were 15% and roughly 7% of the population, respectively. The next time, India showed a slight increase of the population about 2% in contrast to America, the percentage declined slightly to 5%. In 2050, it has been predicted that the proportion of the population of India will continue to increase by approximately 2% while this is unchanged in the USA.
You need to learn how to better develop and present your sentence ideas per paragraph. Your sentences are understandable, but lack proper punctuation that can help your writing be easier and better understood. Your sentences need pause points for clarity. Pause points are represented by comma, period, and other punctuation marks as dividing points for topics or thoughts within the sentences and paragraphs. Avoid using combined idea sentences to help determine the proper pause insertion points. Write short, rather than long sentences. Pay attention to your word usage. You won't increase your LR score by writing long passages using words that don't really help with the quick comprehension of your sentences.  
  
\* Limited review due to lack of image. Upload the image next time.
## The cycle of labeling shellfish

  
  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.  
Write at least 150 words.  
  
The diagram illustrates a complete cycle of labeling shellfish before shipping to the overseas market.  
Overall, the procedure of shellfish production includes several manmade steps, beginning with collecting data from the ocean in order to support the monitoring system to catch the shellfish easier, and concluding with delivering the stock internationally.  
  
To start with, each small-scale fishing boat is equipped with GPS device so that it can detect shellfish's whereabouts and report the information to the satellite communication. Next, the monitor in Santiago is automated receiving the collection of locations and then proceeds to the next stage which is to dispatch a barcode label to certify catch.  
  
Once the process is accomplished, the catch is transferred to the processing plant where the shellfish are labeled and prepared for being transported. After that, the consumers in the local and international regions receive the processed shellfish. Finally, the labeling shellfish is ready exported to the global market.  
  
Hi there, my teacher graded my writing about band 6, but i really want to upgrade writing, please help. Much obliged<3