dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
There are spelling errors in this essay (thier = their) which could have been caught and corrected through proof reading. Haphazard writing in relation to spelling will result in heavy points deductions under the LR consideration. In addition to that, the introduction paraphrase is not correct for this essay. The introduction paraphrase should merely restate the provided prompt, not begin the opinion discussion of it. The more proper paraphrase for this should have been:  
  
*People are living their daily lives under intense pressure. There are several factors that cause this situation. This essay will look at one particular reason for the stress people undergo everyday and offer a solution to the problem.*  
  
The above example is a correct paraphrase for the given prompt. Your introduction failed to do that, which means that your TA score will see several points deducted from it due to this mistake. There are numerous grammatical errors as well in relation to sentence formation and word usage that would result in further reduced GRA scores.
## people moving from rural to urban places

  
  
The line graph represents the proportion of three countries' citizens who has moved from countryside to the metropolitan from 2000 up to now and how this number will be changed 5 years later.  
  
Overall, all three countries have been witnessing the increases in the number of people's movement in the whole period but the proportion has experienced a more significant alteration in country A and C.  
  
First of all, in 2000, the number of people deciding to move in three countries could not reach 20 million. However, in the next 5 years, the number of urbanites in country A started rising sharply and there was a gradual change in the country B's. On the other hand, the migration in country C did not progress at a high speed as it had only soared 1 to 2 million by 2005.  
  
Nevertheless, from 2005 to 2020, the number of settlers in country C has skyrocketed markedly and has chased after the movement of country A until both countries reached 80 million in 2020 simultaneously. In a foreseen future, the number of people shifting to capital city in country C is predicted to surge over the country A's proportion. In contrast, after increasing gradually until 2020, the tendency in the number of urbanites in country B is anticipated keeping stable in the next 5 years.  
  
*   
*Topic*
**Introduction:**  
- from countryside: It appears that an article is missing before the word countryside. Consider adding the article.  
- the proportion of three countries' citizens: consider changing it into a proper one, let me give you a suggestion with this sentence: the proportion of citizens in three different countries.  
  
-who has moved: I was a little bit confused where the word ''who'' refers to? If you mean that it will refer to ''citizens'' then you need to change ''has'' to have  
  
**Overview**  
- give more flexibility to your overview by using the linking words such as however, in reverse, by contrast, etc instead of using but  
  
**Body 1**  
- First of all is kind of overused word, consider using uncommon bridging or you may go directly writing In 2000  
- It would be better if you focus on comparison among the three countries with complex sentences. That said, you may consider removing the first sentence in body 1.  
  
**Body 2**  
- anticipated keeping stable: you may change it into the proper one prevailed consistency or remained stable  
  
Last but not least, I just give you the area of improvement based on my knowledge, however, your writing is good! keep up the good work.
You have a tendency to write run-on sentences instead of a mix of long and short sentences to create a paragraph. The mixed length sentence allows you to create a far more coherent paragraph through a fully developed thought process. This also allows you a chance to aim for and get a better GRA and LR score. The summary doesn't a complete run down of information and the trending sentence should be a separate sentence that stands alone at the end of the paragraph. Since the graph goes all the way to 2025, it should have been indicated that way instead of the grammatically incorrect "up to now", which should have been written as; "up to the present time." Grammatical errors abound in the paper that will result in a low GRA and LR score. It would be difficult for an essay of this type to get a passing score.
Hello 👋🏻, can someboday help me and revise my essay and tell me what should I change?? I will be very glad, Thank you!!  
  
## where to live?

  
  
Nowadays, most people in the world live in cities. The minority of the population that want to live surronded of threes choosethe country. But what is it better, living in the county or in the city? In my opinion I prefer living in the city  
  
Firstly living in the city is more confortable for daily lige because every place where you buy clothes or food is near so it does not take you a lot of time. Then, in the city there are better jobs to access and live a better live.  
  
Secondly, in the city there are more entretaintment facilities like theaters, cinemas, nightclubs, museums, libraries,... that cab make you a happier life. There are also better schools and universities where students can have a good studies to acces a better job.  
  
In conclution, there are lots of advantages to live in the city, so I think that people who wants a crazy, funny and a interes life should live there.
This essay is riddled with grammatical errors. The sentences do not make any sense in most instances due to word choice errors and sentence structure mistakes. Since this is an opinion essay, it should have at least 250 words written. That is the normal word minimum requirement for English essays. You did not indicate if this is an essay written for a practice test so I am giving you the standard word count expectation for academic essays written in class. The total essay has not developed a logical nor sound discussion pertaining to the topic. Aside from the grammatical errors, you have not made an actual effort to try and explain your line of reasoning in every paragraph. As such the essay is under developed and unable to inform the reader.
## IELTS WRITING TASK2 (12/12) : CHILDREN

  
  
*I really want to improve my writing skills, thank you for all your help :3*  
  
***Topic: Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Some think they should begin at least 7 years old. Discuss both views and give opinions.***  
  
These days, many people have a tendency to let their children approach the basic education earlier than the average school age while others support that the children should only start their education when reaching 7. In the following essay, I will make a discussion and give my opinions about both viewpoints.  
  
As the saying goes, " The sooner the better " , there are genuinely lots of people keep in mind a concept that recieving sooner education many provide their kids with much more superiority and competitiveness, as a result, numerous preschoolers are taken to various type of cram schools ,which directly leads to their stressful and toilsome childhoods . However, it's undeniable that early formal schooling brings obvious abvantages for children in certain subjects . For example, according to a previous research, children age between 4-6 are said be a significant better language learners compared to other age groups. Furthermore, talking about the physical education, this can be taken up in the early age as a habbit to keep fit.  
  
On the other hand, 7 years-old kids are more effecient in learning including academic subjects or life skills in terms of their higher self-discipline ability and cognition. The difference between that two periods of lifetime is caused the different amount of experience as well as information they gain from the surrounding environment during their growth process. 7 years-old children are able to solve the problems more effective with the help of their existing knowledge and understanding. Therefore, beginning formal education at least 7 years old are not only time-saving for children but also useful in helping them raise the effeciency of their study.  
  
In conclusion, both perspectives are reasonable in their own ways. Personally, if I have a child in the future, I will prefer to send my kid to school not too early as not to put on him or her too much stress.
In your introduction paragraph, you have an incomplete sentence. You refer to 7. A reader who does not know what the prompt is about will wonder what the 7 is. 7 moths? 7 years? 7 decades? Always include the descriptive reference when mentioning numbers. Noun phrase problems also exist. "A" refers to the singular so the term should be "learner" not "learners". You are showing that you are not familiar with how to use punctuation marks as you are using hyphens when you should not be using it (time-saving = timesaving). There are also conciseness issues, and contraction usage (it's = it is) for formality sake. Remember that this is an academic paper so contractions do not have any place in the sentence structure.
***The charts compare developing country and developed country used the percentage of water for different purpose which divided in industry, agriculture and domestic.***  
## Summarize the information by selecting the main features, and make comparisons

  
  
It is noticeable that the proportion of agriculture water is the highest in developing country such as South America, Africa, Central Asia and South East Asia. On the other hand, the majority of water is used in developing country for industry such as North America and Europe.  
  
In developing country, more than 80% of water is used for agriculture in average, the highest was Central Asia at 88%, the lowest was South America at 71%.The percentage of domestic and industry water used by far the most least agriculture. Central Asia uses as same domestic water as South East Asia at 7%, there are 9% higher Africa used, and the figure for South America is the highest at 19 %.  
  
In developed country, half of water is used for industry, the highest is Europe at 53% and North America consumes fewer than Europe at 48%. In both aria, North America and Europe, the second highest proportion of water is agriculture used, which separated in 39 % and 32%. Finally, the lowest percentage of domestic water used at 13% and 15% in North America and Europe.
I cannot accurately review your work without the chart / image provided for this task. Please remember to include it next time. In the meantime, let me just give you an overview of your mistakes in this essay. The first problem that I see is the lack of a trending statement and proper summary of the instructions provided for the discussion. The trending statement is an important of the Task 1 test as it shows your ability to analyze the said image in a proper manner. Without it, you will receive deductions in the TA portion of the test. You also did not pay attention to your writing. An aria is a formal musical composition for one voice. An area, which is what you meant to say, indicates the coverage of a measurement. You also did not use an Oxford comma as required when listing related information.
## opinion differences in the relationship

  
  
Maintaining relationship with those who have the same wavelength is believed as an ideal relation with a lack of conflict, while others disagree with such opinion since having friends with a different view can give advices for each other. Although, having the same opinion less likely to have argument , while different one give remainder.  
  
If someone is surrounded by people who have similar view,the chance of quarreling is few. This happened because they can relate with one another such as movie or food, and leads to quick decision. For example, a survey of longevity friendships shows that the secret for a long lasting and harmonious relationship more than a decade is similar sentiment. However, because the behavior almost identical, more likely less correcting other behavior.  
  
On the other hand, the companions with different personalities can give cautionary advice. Because of different background, leads to another perspective and rationale. If they see something amiss, they stop their friends from getting trouble such as unfinished task or hanging with the wrong crowd. As a result, misfortune in the long run can be prevented. For example, one of my cousin gave his friend a warning because mingling with a motorcycle gang since he knew they associated with violence. Associate with this kind of people probably become open minded person and also broaden the vision.  
  
In conclusion, people that can related mutually only have few disagreement, whereas unalike opinion friends hindering their friends from problems by constructive criticism. In the end of the day, respect and acknowledging every individual who are different are the keys to maintain healthy and harmonious friendship. So, which one you prefer?
need article---> Maintaining a relationship  
can give advice~~s~~ ---> advice is uncountable noun so don't put "s"  
S-V agreement ---> different one gives  
need article---> have a similar view  
long-lasting  
use preposition ---> because of the behavior ...  
can related --> if you need passive put be,or if you need active just put V1  
few+N plural --->have few disagreements  
  
thank you and sorry for correcting your grammar, actually I am still study so please forgive me if you find mistakes  
interesting topic:)
There is a lack of clarity in the introduction paragraph. Your paraphrase does not include a reference to the question being posed and what your actual response is. As such, the task will be considered only worthy of a TA task score of 3. Which means you will have a hard time making up the scores in the remaining criteria to achieve a passing score. By the way, you cannot close this essay with a question. The conclusion should be a restatement of the prompt, your opinion, and run-down of your discussion. This is an academic paper, not a casual note to a friend. You should not start sentences with "because" since that is a connecting word. Use the phrase "Due to..." instead.
## **Child abuse is happening everywhere. What are the consequences and solutions it ?**

  
  
Today, as one of the most conspicuous displays of the degradation of human morality , the global victimization of children has made people become replete with trepidation for its pernicious effects in society. This essay is to discuss the abominable outcomes of child abuse and to propose relevant measures to address this problem.  
  
Following ferocious acts of violence towards children- susceptible victims- are calamitous consequences. Indubitably, these inhuman doings are culpable for serious psychological and mental effects on vulnerable kids, some of which can be deep anxiety, depression, or low self-esteem. Such sequelaes not only result in severe trauma for ill-fated victims but also create turbulence in emotion that can influence their well-being negatively in the future. For example, a kid who receives child-maltreatment is likely to be obsessed with images or sounds when they confronted malicious people, which definitely distracts him from his studies and then makes him get poor academic performance, even to be absent from school; the victim would also develop an extreme sense of security, thus make it difficult to maintain any relationship. In addition, parents of such children would tend to be distrustful of outsiders, even their relatives, when such people expose to their son or daughters. More seriously, this can render unwanted misunderstands among family members, possibly ruining the already relationship.  
  
There are, however, feasible solutions to help battle against such immoral human acts. Firstly, parents should be cognizant of the importance of equipping their children with necessary skills for self-protection as well as teaching kids to instantaneously inform adults if they witness any kind of attacks or sexual molestation towards the youth. In this way, the criminals will be less likely to make their conspiracy work and children can be safer without parents. Secondly, it is imperative for the government to impose extremely harsh punishment such as death penalties to individuals who commit the crime; this will not only make the offenders to be afraid but also help hinder the growth of child abuse. Only by taking these actions in synchronization, this pressing issue can be halted.  
  
In conclusion, child victimization has become more popular in today's society. This evil can have deleterious impacts on children's physical and mental health, as well as creating a growing rift in family relationship. In respond to this problem, both parents and the authorities must expend concerted efforts to limit its prevalence.  
  
This is my ielts writing task 2! Hope you will give me feedbacks! I really appreciate it!  
Thank you
@Thangnguyen315  
hello,  
  
I wish to give my feedback on your essay.  
  
I think your essay has answered the question very well and has strong argument in terms of your stance on the topic.  
  
Some of the things I hope would improve your writing.  
  
Firstly, be cautious of the grammar rule when there is a bulk of sentence used. Always be sure that every sentence has a subject and complete thought.  
  
Also choice of words can be effective or at times draws away the main intention of the essay. I suggest use formal words that can give your essay concise details of your argument.  
  
Secondly, introduce every paragraph with a thesis statement and support your statement with facts, examples and illustration. Always develop your ideas well for every points you made. For example, in the second paragraph, "In addition, parents of such children would tend to be distrustful.... the whole ideas need to be expound with supporting statement and facts to give a well developed idea.  
  
Furthermore, In the first line of third paragraph omit the word 'however' so that it gives a more demonstrative statement to your opening paragraph because you are not comparing any ideas and thoughts. Also in second paragraph replace the conjunction 'in addition ' in the sentence In addition, parents of such children would tend to be distrustful... use words such as; in contrast, on the other hands, contrary to etc..instead because it give a different perceptive from the latter statement.  
  
Finally, organize you paragraph and ideas in a well cohesive and chronological manner. In this essay your ideas/points seems cluttered and are not easily followed in each body of discussion . Try and work on organizing your contents well.  
  
Overall, you have a well written essay indeed.  
  
I hope this feedback help you in your writing.
For a task 2 essay that has a limited time constraint, you should not be writing almost 400 words. Always practice using the actual time allowance for the test so that you can get a better idea of how well, or not, you will be able to use your time to draft, revise, and finalize your content. Remember, this is not a vocabulary test so you do not need to use complex words. Keep it simple and focus on the clarity of your presentation instead. You have focused on using complex words, which tells me that you did not practice with a timer and you were only focused on proving your English vocabulary instead of writing understandable essays. It is alright to use simple words for your essay content. When you over-complicate the presentation with "big" words, you are sacrificing the clarity and time allowance you are provided. Writing 300 words at the most will be sufficient. 275 words written will allow you enough time to edit the content.
## IELTS writing task 2 - argumentative essay

  
  
***The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now.  
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?***  
  
Health rate standardization has been issued to reduce its average in the forthcoming time compared to present days. Having short dining time due to people's tight schedule in workplace has caused unhealthy eating habits. Provided by many choices of various foods also leads people's tendency on healthy life style significantly to change. This essay fully support the statement of the lowering in healthy standardized rate presumably occur in the time to come in regards to busy owning to limited mealtime workers and a plethora of food choices being today living style.  
  
People getting involved in various activities in workplace tend to be frantic. Hence, employees may do not have enough time to eat nutrient dishes sufficiently for prioritizing to finish their jobs because well-prepared foods consume lots of time to make. Junk foods or instant noodle with addictive substances would be the most preferable chosen for fulfilling their appetite in a short break. These fast foods are not fresh containing less vitamins and minerals but more unnecessary fats or refined carbohydrates raising the blood cholesterol level. Thus, falling to frantic activities lead work officers being unable to manage food consumption properly.  
  
Majority people choosing their meals in this day concern on variety of tasty servings rather than foods with complex carbohydrates. This tendency of enjoying such popular foods harms their needs of nourishing their body leading to sickness. Popularity of spicy flavor for illustration, since spicy dishes become viral among global community due to the spiciness sensation gaining while eating such meals, too much scalding effects would affect stomachache of the consumer obtaining measly nutrition. Accordingly, loads of food choice influence people rarely eating good foods.  
  
To conclude, continuing this diet habit is more apt to decrease the standard of health percentage in the future society considering workers today become less concern of getting balance diet. A vulnerable recommendation would be paying more consideration of having healthy life style from foods could stabilize the rate of health standard.
That was one heck of a confusing first paragraph. It doesn't really summarize the task well enough to score well. Your response isn't really very good in the thesis portion because you do not clearly discuss the point of the essay prompt. It appears that you have failed to properly summarize or paraphrase the original prompt. Your response is only partially correct because you began discussing evidence in the opening paragraph, which is never allowed. Your body of paragraphs does not properly support the original prompt instructions either. You seem to have created your own essay discussion at this point. Totally disregarding the original prompt and its discussion requirements.