dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Japanese tourists travelling abroad, Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market

  
  
The bar chart and line graph illustrate the figure travelling abroad and proportion coming to Australia of Japanese tourists from 1985 to 1995.  
  
Generally, it is noticeable that Japanese tourists going abroad for travelling increased significantly about 10 millions over decade shown. It is clear that percentage of Japanese visiting to Australia enhanced 6% in 1995 in comparison with 1985.  
  
In 1985, there was about 5 millions visitor travelling foreign country and no one has been to Australia. By contrast in 1990 the number of traveler rose rapidly over 11 millions and who traveled to Australia also increased about 4%, which enhanced for 6 millions and 4%.  
  
In 1995, the Japanese of visiting abroad was the highest, the growth of rate about 15 millions which enhanced 4 millions in comparison with 1990. However, although the proportion of trip to Australia both 1994 and 1995 were the highest at around 6%, in 1995 slightly lower than in 1994. The growth of rate in these two years was also higher than in 1990.  
  
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The summary overview of your presentation should be at least 3 lines since there are several information points that need to be presented. Aside from the type of illustrations and indicated figures, your year coverage information must be supported by the type of measurements such as represented by the percentage coming to Australia and numbers travelling abroad. An example of a more appropriate summary overview is:  
  
*Two illustrations, a bar chart and line graph have been provided for comparison purposes. The bar graph indicates the number of Japanese tourists who travel in general, based in a million person count. The line graph supports the first measurement by focusing on the percentage of Japanese travelers that come to the country. both charts show an increasing measure for both types of data formats.*  
  
You need to be uniform when it comes to your paragraph presentation. While you do provide the equivalent of 4 paragraphs, your paragraphs need to be composed of sentence presentations numbering from 3-5 each. That is the formal requirement that can help you achieve the best possible scoring considerations overall.  
  
What I see from your work is a potential to be able to write an analytical report essay that will be worthy of more than just a passing score in the future. With more practice, you will be able to do that. There are no real grammatical issues that would impede your achieving a decent C&C score, although the problems could lower the GRA score. The C&C score would be average for this type of work since your ideas per paragraph were clear to the reader. You tried to vary your word usage, which was a good attempt but next time, you should try to use simple words that are more appropriate for the sentence you are developing.  
  
I am wondering though where you got the idea that the measurements were being done over a 20 year / 2 decade / per decade basis. I don't see an indication of that in the graph. Was it given as part of the instruction statement? If so, then good job!
## monthly spend on children's sports

  
  
**The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children's sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.**  
  
**Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
The first line graph demonstrates the expenditure on adolescent's sporting activities monthly by British parents during the 2008-2014 period, whereas the second one indicates the number of young children taking part in three sports, namely football, athletics and swimming during the aforementioned period.  
  
As can be seen clearly from these given charts, the amount of money utilized for sports tend to increase gradually throughout the years. In addition, football and athletics remained unchanged during the 2008 - 2010 period and 2012 - 2014 period.  
  
To start with the first graph, parents spent 20 pounds per month for their children's sports in 2008 per month. After that, there was a growth in the amount of monetary spending by 5 pounds to 25 pounds in the next two years, which led to another rise to roughly 27 pounds every month in 2012. Finally, the budget for juvenile's sports reached over 30 pounds per month in 2014.  
  
Moving to the second graph, the number of teenagers engaging in football and athletics leveled off from 2008 to 2010, with over 7,5 million children and about 1 million children respectively. While athletics witnessed an escalation to 5 million children playing in 2010, football underwent a slight increase to 8 million teenage children taking part in simultaneously. Both aforementioned datas remained stable in the last two years of the period. As for the swimming figure, there was a gradual upward from 2008 to 2014, from below 2,5 million juveniles to approximately 3 million juveniles.  
  
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## IELTS Writing Task 2: Discursive Essay

  
  
Here is my latest essay on Writing Task 2 IELTS. Please be free to leave your feedbacks. Thanks in advance.  
**Some people say that governments should pay for public health care and education, while others say that it is not governments' responsibility.  
Please discuss both views and give your own opinion**  
  
Some people believe that financing the costs of health care and education is supposed to be one of the government's duties. Whilst others argue that the citizens should take that responsibility by themselves. Based on the following discussion of both views, I believe that the government should cover some parts of the bills at least.  
  
On the one hand, it is widely acknowledged that the state's medical subsidies would give public a great chance to enjoy better health care services. For instance, in some underdeveloped countries, many people, especially those in the low-income group could not afford the hospital fees. Therefore, by providing free medical treatment, it would make them less likely to get suffered from many diseases. In addition to that, according to some, making education free for all citizens would increase the number of educated people, which in turn benefits the society.  
  
On the other hand, others think that it would be better if the citizens are responsible for their own educational and health care demands. Firstly, it is widely accepted that the government budget is not unlimited, hence, if not being obliged to make health care and education free for all, the government could spend more money on other critical items. Furthermore, many people argue that there would be an enormous burden imposed on the public investment fund for research and development in the two fields. As a result, the quality of education and medical services would be no longer ensured in long run.  
  
In my view, the arguments for both views are understandable but it would be more reasonable if the government offer financial supports of education and medical service to those who really in dire need. By doing so, it is still responsible for developing a healthy and educated society without making its budget exhausted.  
  
To conclude, despite different views, I believe it would be better if educational and hospital fees are covered to some certain individuals, not for all.
@vietduccan - ~~give public a great chance to enjoy~~  
give the public access to better health care services  
  
... low-income group ~~could not~~ cannot afford ...  
  
... ~~free medical treatment, it would make~~  
Therefore, by providing free medical services, the less privileged will be able to go for medical treatment without worrying about the financial burdens.  
  
Your conclusion could be:  
Both sides of the argument present valid points which have to be considered when choosing whether to subsidize healthcare for the general public or not. However, I believe that educational costs and medical health care can be subsidized for certain individuals in extremely dire circumstances. This will lessen the burden on the government budget and provide such needed amenities to those who truly need it but are to poor to access it.
Hello everyone, I am a beginner in studying IETLS, help me fix my writing task 1 and give me some idea to improve. Thank you very much  
  
## access to modern technology in UK's homes

  
  
The figure illustrates the proportion of domestic access to modern technology by UK residents. In general, all the percentages of access to difference technology increase by the period. Additionally, there was an appearance of internet access in the year 1998/99.  
  
By contrast, the proportion of UK resident using CD player increased significantly from 60% in 1996/97 to over 80% in the year 2002/03 and was also the largest in 4 different types of technology in 2002/03. Similarly, the percentage of using home computer steadily rose from nearly 30% to approximately 55%.  
  
Looking at the graph, there was a dramatic rise in the percentage of people using mobile phone between 1996/97 and 2002/03 from under 20% to 70% and took second place. As the graph shows the number of UK percentage using internet access just appeared until the year 1998/99 at 10% proportion and rose significantly to over 40% in 2002/2003.  
  
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Loc, you have written the minimum number of words for this essay but you have only written 2 run on sentences per paragraph and you have also not met the 4 paragraph requirement for this essay. Your summary overview is incomplete, you do not properly identify the figure you were given to review even though the type of image was already provided to you in the instructions, and you lack a proper comparison of overlapping points within the essay. These are but some of the major problems in your presentation that would bring your scoring consideration down in the end.  
  
The summary overview should have been presented as follows:  
  
*A line graph has been provided for comparison purposes. The graph contains the percentage of home based access to new gadgets in UK homes. These gadgets include a CD player, mobile phone, home computer, and finally, internet access. The comparisons are done on a year on year basis starting in 1996 up tp 2003. There is an upward trend in the access of all 4 gadgets from the home.*  
  
Please note that the summary overview includes a summary of all the required information, which also serves as the outline for your discussion in the essay. Having outlined the paper in this manner, a proper paragraph of at least 3 sentences (the minimum requirement) would have been met. The overlapping information regarding mobile and home computer access would have increased your TA score as you would have been able to present the proper comparison point as indicated in the essay.  
  
Overall, not a bad start, Simple improvements are required which you can accomplish based upon my evaluation above. Keep practicing. I am sure you will get better over time. I look forward to reading your next essay.
## correlation of certificate and diploma with student's age

  
  
A glance at the table provided reveals a number of the average age of students at a college is different between the certificate and diploma.  
  
Out of the five ages, the highest percentage on certificate and diploma belongs to the student's age from 15 to 25 and from 25 to 35 respectively. Furthermore, the age of both proportions have the lowest percentage is 45 and over.  
  
Regarding in the table, the percentage of students have aged from 15 to 25 with certificate education is scrutiny higher than other on the same proportion compared to the diploma, simultaneously, diploma education has highest from 25 to 35 than others its level( 79% and 62% respectively). Both the certificate and diploma have fluctuated between 17% and 18%.  
  
In terms of the certificate, the percentage of student's age from 35 to 45 is 1% on this as opposed to exactly 2% at 45 and over. On the other hand, the diploma has massive rate fluctuation between 35 to 45 and more than 45 age group of students at a college(20% and 1% respectively). (179 words)  
  
I really appreciate with all your help!  
Please, I would love to if you dedicate to show me what my mistakes about the idea, grammar, linking words are.  
Best regards.  
  
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Hi. Your introduction has a grammar problem: "a number of ... college ~~is different between~~ with regard to ..."  
  
You should not use parentheses in the IELTS writing, only commas and points are allowed to use, I highly recommend use relatives or non-relative clauses instead.  
  
And mistakes :  
Regarding ~~in~~ to the table  
scrutiny higher? What do you want to articulate here? It makes no sense to me because scrutiny is a noun form, plus its meaning is carefully examining/observing something (You can find out more the meaning in the Oxford dictionary, I just simply gave you a glimpse definition of this word to make you more clear with it). Delete the word scrutiny is my suggestion.
Hi, this is a great essay. You are able to deliver your idea with good vocabulary, but I detect some grammar issues, let me show you:  
  
~~As~~ everything in life is ... I think it is better we delete "as" in this sentence.  
  
... in that**,** there are ...  
  
... children ~~don't~~ *do not* have the ... school~~. But~~, but ... lack *of* coherence ...  
-We cannot write don't in formal academic essay, change to be "do not".  
-Better make those two sentences became one sentences, so your sentence transforms to be compound sentence.  
  
~~In my humble opinions,~~  Young students must ...  
-Better you delete this phrase because this is speaking phrase I think, you may use *this essay believes*  
  
~~So~~, as she ...  
-We cannot put So in the beginning of sentence, you may use *therefore, hence or as a result.*
Steven, this being your first attempt at writing a Task 2 essay, I am not going to score it. I never do that with the first time writers because the first essay written to almost always get a failing score due to the writer's unfamiliarity with the Task 2 writing requirements. That is highly evident in your case.  
  
For starters, you need to understand the required content of each paragraph in a Task 2 essay. The paragraphs should be written as follows:  
  
Par. 1 - Prompt paraphrase, no reasons presented, just a simple response to the question being asked.  
Par. 2 - First set of supporting reasons  
Par. 3 - Second set of supporting reasons or example presentation  
Par 4 - Additional reasons / examples (optional)  
Par. 5 - Concluding summary  
  
All of these paragraphs need to have a completely developed discussion using only 3-5 sentences each. That is the actual requirement for task accuracy, GRA, and coherence scoring presentations. Also, try to write no more than 275-300 words because you still need to have time to edit and revise your essay during the actual test. Remember that you will be writing using the pen and paper method so you will not be able to write such a detailed and long essay. Always use a timer when writing to help you determine exactly how many words you are capable of writing for each task, without creating an unfinished essay. Believe me, you won't be able to write 557 words during the actual test. So you have to get used to writing under time pressure to make sure you allot enough time for the completion of each writing task.  
  
Your essay is very informative and really shows your understanding of the prompt topic. The problem, is that you are not yet familiar with the writing styles for Task 2 essays. That is why I am strongly suggesting that you read the various Task 2 essays available at this forum to help you become familiar with the writing style, the common writing problems for the tasks, and how it is easily resolved. As per your writing style here and with your other non IELTS related essays, I have a feeling that you will be on your way to scoring at least a 7.5 in no time.
## financial funding or donating practical products?

  
  
***Developing countries require international organizations' help. Some people prefer financial aid while others think practical aid and advice are better. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.***  
  
The matter in which should international organizations provide help to less advantaged areas has aroused discussion. Although financial funding can solve temporary problems, I believe donating practical products and advice can bring more benefits in the long run.  
  
Supporters of financial aid believe that it is helpful to solve the major problems in developing countries. Compared to donating countries, local councils have a deeper insight into the local economy and a better understanding of their current situation. If they are given financial support, they can develop a budget plan that allows them to tackle the most urgent issues.  
  
Those who are approval of other forms of aid and advice believe this can reduce corruption and average people in developing countries can benefit from these supports directly. While financial funding may be corrupted by greedy figures in the governments, donations, such as drugs and medical service, are more likely to be delivered to those who are in urgent need of them, since authorities have access to better products and service and they will have little interest in these donations.  
  
I would argue that providing practical aid and service can motivate these deprived countries to develop independently. Some countries have generated reliance on financial aid from other countries and they take it for granted and lack of motivation to drive economic growth through their efforts. The economy in these countries is so weak that they will soon collapse once there is no financial aid. However, if they were given valuable advice and support on developing their technology and agriculture, it is helpful to reduce their dependence on financial help and break the poverty-related malicious cycle.
Hi, I think there are some mistakes in your essay.  
As for GRA, I see that you attempted to write a lot of complex sentences, however, some of them are not precisely connected. To write a correct complex sentence, you just need two or three clauses. By doing so, it will help you not only avoid grammar mistakes but also meaning mistakes.  
  
Another problem lies on your conclusion paragraph. When writing a conclusion, you need to have the phrase "In conclusion" at the beginning of the sentence. Moreover, the conclusion statement is a paragraph where you summary your whole essay. However, it seems to me that your fourth paragraph is another body paragraph rather than a conclusion as it is too long. This will make you lose score in TA.
**Recently published figures show that the wildlife population around the world has decreased by around fifty percent over the last fifty years.  
What can we do to help protect the wildlife around the world?**  
  
## faunae and florae population have been decreasing

  
  
Wildlife population has been diminishing around fifty percent, according to recent public research, in comparison to the last fifty years. In order to secure animal species, plants, fungi or other organisms in an enormous scales, the municipal government ought to publish hunting and fishing law as well as encourage people to plant more trees and forests to prevent the wildlife from being detrimental.  
  
Illegal hunting and fishing should have been strictly monitoring, by issuing the law to which it pertains. It might thwart smugglers from smuggling products abroad lawlessly because this must have lead to fatalistic consequences, the wildlife population diminishing. Currently, some countries are conducting this law such as Canada, the US, or many Europe countries. Individuals who violate the law, are withdrew hunting or fishing license and banned from those activities for a few years.  
  
Besides, environment recreation is believed to have been an immediate solution so that plenty of wildlife's homes could be saved sufficiently because forests and trees are the home base for most animals and plants. Nature disasters such as volcano eruption, flooding, fire, or human activities including farming, demolish the home of fauna and flora ubiquitously. These species lost their homes and were unable to survive which triggers the declining of population scales, as an inevitable result. Hence, planning to grow forests, trees, and plants, at which it was devastated, are a contemporary paramount method.  
  
In conclusion, wild faunae and florae population have been decreasing every year, so humans should protect it strictly by monitoring a law to prevent hunting and fishing illegally and build many forests and plants.  
  
(265 words)
Han, the essay is asking you to discuss about wildlife. That does not include flora. Therefore, you should not be discussing the flora as a part of this essay. The focus is only on the free roaming animals and protected species that roam in the wilderness, forests, and swim in the seas. The addition of a topic may reduce your TA score because you moved away from the prompt required topic for discussion just a little bit. Next time, stay on point. To be sure you do not receive any deductions, discuss only the topic(s) indicated in the original prompt.  
  
Your prompt paraphrase is too close to the original. Let me show you another way or presenting this information, without using any reference to the original prompt keywords and phrases at all:  
  
*The past half a century has seen a decline in the existence of the flora and fauna in the natural world across the globe. There are certain steps that can be taken to avoid the extinction of these beings. Some of the moves that people can make to protect these animals and plants are ...*  
  
Now, you are using a present voice in this essay. Therefore, "must lead to" must be presented as "could lead to". While these presentation errors are minimal on your part and do not diminish from the understanding of your work on the part of the reader, you must strive for grammatical accuracy at all times. It will help with your GRA and Coherence score.  
  
You have written just the right number of words that will allow you time to edit, revise, and perfect your work before submitting for a score. You did a very good job of explaining yourself in this essay. You have, in other words, shown a great improvement in this presentation over your past essays. Good job! I look forward to seeing further improvement from you in the future.
## popularity of hybrid transportation among customers

  
IELTS WRITING TASK 1  
  
The bar chart illustrates the sales of the global hybrid transportation in 3 different countries during 4 years, 2006-2009.  
  
Overall, United State stand as the highest of the number of sales, following by Japan and other countries and the trend sales of Japan and other countries was upward, while United Stated showed fluctuated.  
  
Standing as the highest, United State, In 2007 reached 350.000 sales of hybrid vehicle, while Japan and other countries stayed in below of 100.000. However, in 2009 sales in Japan increased significantly to 330.000 sales and other countries rise sharply up to 110.000, while United States sales decrease to 270.000 sales.  
  
Customers in United Stated tend to allocate their budget to another necessity starting in 2007. This is can be seen the sales of transportation were not steady. United Sales trend was fluctuated, in 2006, the sales was 250.000 and reaching the highest sales was compared to the others then the sales increased in 2007, but declining in 2008 and staying in 280.000. The number of sales of Japan and other nation increased between 2006 and 2009 which, Japan as always higher.  
  
(185 words)  
  
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