dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Fahri, rather than creating your own information in relation to the original prompt, you must simply restate the prompt in your own understanding. There is a particular format that the paraphrase must follow. Let me show you an example of how this prompt should have been rewritten in a different but similar understanding:  
  
*There are some people who believe that research is better completed using printed materials. Others believe that seeking educational information using internet sources are a more efficient alternative. Personally, I disagree that using printed material for research is better than using the internet. In this essay, I will present two specific reasons and examples to support my opinion.*  
  
The closer your representation of the original prompt through the use of keywords from the original or synonyms that allow you represent the same word in a different manner, the better your chances to show off your English grammar and vocabulary skills. You don't need to create a non prompt related introduction. The prompt itself offers you plenty of opportunity to display your English writing skills.  
  
Now, since you are allowed 3 body of paragraphs with which to present your reasons and examples, I suggest that you always present one topic per paragraph. In this particular essay, the example that you gave about the backward community you were in would have been more effectively presented as a separate paragraph. That way, the previous reason that you gave could have been given a more expanded discussion. You did well in the 3rd body of reasoning paragraph. I just wish you had done better in the previous paragraph. Always aim to present 5 paragraphs in the essay, which is the maximum, in order to better highlight your English skills. Writing less than that does you a disservice.  
  
ESL writers have this predisposition to quote themselves when they write. Since it is impossible to quote yourself by saying "according to me" as the term "according to" means you are referring to a statement by someone else, it would be best to rephrase that part by saying, "To close this essay, I would like to repeat that I believe". "I believe" takes the place of "according to me" in this instance.  
  
In relation to the aforementioned discussion, I would like to tell you that you did a good job in the concluding paragraph. Your only shortcoming in that aspect is that you forgot to restate the original prompt prior to the presentation of your summarized discussion information. No matter though. You did an acceptable job with the essay even with the problems that I noted above. I hope you take note of the problems and improve upon them over your coming practice tests.
Nuraya, your narrative essay is too broad in scope and should use the first pronouns "Me, myself. and I" as often as possible. In a narrative essay, the writer, as the one who experienced the story first hand, is the story teller. That is why the first person pronoun is used. While your friends are also characters in the story, you need to separate them in terms of reference. Their actions need to separate from your own. If you wish to, you may use dialogue to remove the redundancy of the single point of view. Before you can do that though, you first need to narrow down the story that you are telling.  
  
With a 1000 word maximum it would be best for you to narrate the adventure that happened at one place only. That way, you can fully engage the reader in the events as these unfolded for you and your group. Begin the essay by setting up the reason for the activity. Why did you decide to go bird watching? Then create the events that led towards that activity. This is when you introduce your friends who accompanied you. Describe your friends and why you wanted each person along with you for the trip. Since this is a limited word essay, pick only one friend to go with you so that you can save the word count. From there, begin the narrative about the trip. How was the plane ride? How did you get to your destination? Those sorts of information. Remember, break up the narrative with an exchange of dialogue between characters whenever possible.  
  
An effective narrative creates an intelligent presentation of events. That means, you are able to engage all the senses of the reader by involving them in the events. Right now, you keep telling us what happened when you should be showing us how it all happened. The instructions I gave you above should help you create a more interesting narrative.  
  
Keep the narrative short. It need not be extremely long nor does it need to cover too many stories. Just like any other essay, focusing on the development of one story presentation is more than sufficient. Pick one adventure and build the narrative story around that.
Question:  
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**We live in a world of technology these days. While the internet brings with it clear advantages,the problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages.**  
  
To what extent do you agree?  
  
Answer:  
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## importance of the internet in today's world

  
  
Internet is clearly one of the greatest inventions of this age. Though it offers a lot of benefits to the society,it is often argued by many that the damages caused by the uncontrolled and insecure environment of internet negate the positive impacts. However, I strongly disagree with this notion considering the benefits provided by it, such as improvement in human lives and ease of access to knowledge ,which will be discussed in this essay.  
  
Internet has played a key role in improving the quality of human life worldwide. Firstly, communication among people on a global level has become very easy and fast due to the internet. People from all over the world can interact at real time using the applications, namely Whatsapp, Facebook, Twitter, what was not even imaginable a few years ago. Secondly, people are able to perform their day to day activities,such as banking, shopping, paying bills from the comfort of their homes through the internet. As a result, the time and energy saved can be put in into other activities like pursuing a hobby or nurturing a skill, which in turn improves the quality of human lives.  
  
Moreover, the internet has given people easy access to knowledge regardless of their nations and economic conditions. The rapid growth of internet has made it a place of knowledge sharing. People are taking to the internet to share their knowledge in every possible fields. Take, for example, the Youtube channel 'Khan Academy',where an MIT alumni Dr. Salman Khan has been creating educational videos to teach people various subjects such as mathematics, science,computers to name a few. Owing to this revolution in knowledge sharing,people from all over the world with internet access can learn almost everything at least up to a basic level for free. This has caused a great positive impact especially amid the population of emerging economies.  
  
In conclusion, though I think that measures should be taken to control and safeguard information in the webspace, I do not accept the fact that the disadvantages such as these have a bigger impact than the positivities it is bringing to the society by improving the quality of human lives and providing access to knowledge.  
  
Please review it keeping the IELTS writing exam criteria in mind.
Topic :  
**Genetic engineering is one of the issue in modern society. Some people think that it will improve people's live in many ways. Other feel that it may be a threat to life on earth.  
  
Discuss both view and give your opinion.**  
  
## genetics in human life

  
  
Considering the number of possible impacts on modifying genes, today's communities start debating about this topic. While an improvement is believed by some, others likely argue to this as it would threaten the future. World's livestock and availability of foods would be a major breakthrough but neither safety factor nor environmentally aspect of its several products.I personally agree that the method offers several benefits to people under a certain condition.  
  
Investment in science and technology has now improved modern people's quality of live.  
  
The presence of transferred genes is one of the best example of this. Practically, people enjoy living under a large number of livestock owing to the fact that genetic engineering reduces time of animals and plants productivity. As seen in early twenties centuries Australia successfully gives a remedy to a problem of give-birth cows in mostly cattle farms using cloning method.Furthermore,a typical of difficult cultivation produces seedless watermelon could be a possible benefits, in addition to fulfill the huge number of market demands.However, do those product considered both healthy aspect and environmental damages in the future?  
  
A majority of people come up against with healthy and environment issue. Citizens tend to be more concern about keeping their body fit by consuming organic dietary than those whose genes are mostly modified so that council should provide the agreement of the legal products.Initially,the letter of commodity is authorized and signed up by the government within safety labels at the end.Another pivotal role is environment in which many genetic engineering may use the tremendous amount of chemical substances to fertilize the plantation. This attitude inevitably would pay substantial damages to crops on earth as the soil is no longer prolific.  
  
To sum up, a debatable issue with regard to the usage of genetic engineering in technology for providing more foods may cost harmful to the world. This is because the method offers many dangerous possibilities on people's health and environment.However, government could give this technology access to people around the world safely to register a legal authorization on the product, so that the advantages remain the rest.
Dian, the essay itself does not offer a coherent and cohesive representation of the required prompt discussion. I found myself highly confused by the overall essay because your sentence structure and grammar usage is far below the intermediate level of writing in English. The overall written work that you produced is really bad. It doesn't help to reflect your writing in the best light. Each sentence that you wrote suffers in terms of delivering a clear line of thinking or reasoning. Your ability to use English words in a manner that would provide a clear insight into your thoughts and opinions is faulty. At thing point, the confusing paragraph presentations are not the only problem of your essay.  
  
The main problem that your essay has is that it does not discuss the two points of view and then a personal opinion from you. While you indicated a reference to that in your first paragraph, you did not accomplish that in the discussion paragraphs. I believe all of these problems occurred because you tried to impress the examiner with your knowledge of the topic instead of simply discussing the essay from a layman's point of view. That means, you could have used simple everyday information that is known to most people in the writing of your essay. However, you opted to sound like an authority instead by using what you hoped were impressive English words and terms which ended up backfiring because you did not know how to properly develop the discussion using the words that you decided to include in the essay.  
  
Overall, I would not score this essay in order not to affect your confidence. I will tell you this however, you need to address the mistakes that I pointed out above if you hope to get a better score during your next round of practice essay writing.
hay @ditoaji  
  
I think this "*World's livestock and availability of ...*" sentence quite confusing and it is hard to understand especially for this sentence *but neither safety factor nor environmentally aspect of its several products*  
  
*A majority of people come [...] to crops on earth, as the soil is no longer prolific.* this paragraph does not answer for the second clues. ever since, the prompt asking about the *Other feel that it may be a threat to life on earth.* or we can say "what negative side can effect the living creature in the earth.  
  
As seen in early twenties centuries, Australia successfully....... need comma after the centuries  
  
*Furthermore,a typical of difficult (...) a possible benefit~~s~~, in addition to ...* this sentence is not really good and clear enough to express your thought.  
  
*While an improvement is believed by some,* who is the some that you mention it? Please avoiding the ambiguity word, better if you directly mentioned the person, etc.  
  
those products
**More and more athletes are using drugs to enhance their performance. What do you think are the reasons and effects of this?**  
  
## artificially enhancing muscle mass, endurance or speed

  
  
Here's my essay:  
  
Performance enhancing drugs (or PEDS) refer to medicine with the purpose of enhancing an individual's muscle mass or endurance or speed. The ever-rising availability and frequent uses of PEDs among sportspeople has sparked concern. This essay will address two principal reasons for this action, along with some potential effects.  
  
To begin with, it could be some unexpected incidents that prolong or postpone athlete's training section, such as an injury or a falsely calculated schedule. In order to keep up, sometimes relying on PEDs become a must. Secondly, nobody can deny the unbearable pressure on each athlete to live up to public's standard. This can come from the cutthroat competition in sports with countless athletes competing to win a very desirable position. This could also come from the society's molded perception of what a sport person normally looks like and perform like. All of these tension combine, posing a threat to every single athlete that only by quickening or cutting short their training process may they strive to fame, otherwise being far left behind, or even out of job. Not to mention, the additive power of PEDs has been proven, which explains why all athletes who have succeeded with their medication are bound to repeat this action.  
  
Consequently, there are many downsides to PEDS use. Firstly, the drugs put users' health in jeopardy. Studies after studies have pointed out the severe side-effects to frequent PEDs use, including changing in hormone which leads to cancer. The main problem lies in the ignorance of athletes, despite forewarning. In fact, having acknowledged this, many countries have illegalized such drugs, carrying out strict punishment to the trading chain. America's famous annual sport games, NFL and NBA, are a prime example. Furthermore, athletes may fall into the vicious circle of adding fuel to the fire. Such unrealistic, popularized images they are aiming to maintain can act as a double-edge sword, encourage further over-reliance on PEDs, for them and the sport world as a whole.  
  
In conclusion, the abuse of performance enhancing drugs is often stem from internal as well as external factors. Despite satisfying short-term pleasure, such drugs can have negative long-term impacts individually and socially. A cooperative partnership between athletes, sport competitions and government would be required to put on hold such alarming trend.  
  
(381 WORDS)
Nguyen, in this essay, you created a very well developed opening paraphrase. It clearly represented the original discussion and the discussion instructions. However, you fell short in the body paragraphs and conclusion which will pull down the C&C section of the score. This will probably cause you to have nothing more than an average passing score instead of an impressive higher than average score.  
  
The problem came in terms of the problems that you presented. There are 3 body paragraphs that could have housed your discussion. For each paragraph one reason could have been presented with the effects being presented in the final body covering a general discussion of the causes you presented. The reviewer is looking for a sense of clarity in your discussion paragraphs. That is why you are asked to present only one topic per paragraph. By discussing only one topic, you will allow yourself to fully display your English writing skills because you can focus on better explaining the reason you have chosen to present in its accompanying paragraph. That is not achievable when you present 2 or more reasons, as you did in this essay. When you have more than one topic for discussion, the tendency is for you just inform but not discuss the topic you presented. It is the discussion that you are scored on mostly in each paragraph so you cannot just mention a cause without fully developing the reasons behind it. The effect can be discussed in the third paragraph instead.  
  
Your concluding paragraph shows a continuing discussion of the prompt topic rather than a summarizing of the content of the previous paragraphs. The summary of the discussion is the main focus of the concluding paragraph as this serves to act as an extension of the opening paraphrase, allowing you to now display an extended ability on your part to further restate the topic and give a shortened version of the cause and effect, with your closing sentence. When you continue the discussion, as you did in this essay, and include new information in the process, then you are not really concluding the essay. As the word implies, a conclusion is an end to the discussion. Even if you said "In conclusion", if the actual presentation does not conclude the essay, the examiner will realize that and deduct points from your final score accordingly.  
  
You wrote a total of 4 paragraphs. However, the outline provided in the original prompt clearly has room for a 5 paragraph presentation. That is what you should have presented based upon the original prompt. The original prompt dictates how many paragraphs you should present and that is always 5 paragraphs. Never 4, never 3, never 2. Always 5. That is the best way to show off your English writing skills and prove that you actually have the English comprehension ability to enact instructions provided to you in a strong and accurate manner.
hay @hgianghgiang  
  
better if you avoid the use of *it* in front of the sentence because it will make the reader confused, since there is no explanation before to refer what sentences mention. Your first idea in first paragraph does not develop well, it supposes to have more reasons or explanations, while you directly jump to the second idea marked by *secondly*.  
  
better if you change the word *study after study* have pointed out to "recent studies" have pointed out because it seems waste word. Remembering that you already reached the minimum word of writing task 2.
**Issue: The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists, but the general well-being of all its people.**  
  
## the comfort of a regular citizen

  
  
In general, Great is a term depicts the distinguishing qualities that make someone or something great. The statement denotes the cause to become a great nation, that depends on the comfort of general citizen.Indeed, the most plausible, significant basis of a great nation lies in the citizen's welfare.  
  
If common people get treated impartially, that is the indication of a great nation.In India, before the 21st century, there is a castism.The higher hierarchy people had been living in pleasure, while lower hierarchy people had been incurring.The nation had a wide gap between poor and rich, low class and high-class people. Higher class people were happy, in contrary lower class people suffered humiliation. In such circumstances, the nation cannot be called great.  
  
The citizen of the country plays a major role in development and advancement of the country.Each and everyone's contribution helps to regulate the country.For example, farmers provide food to us.The doctor treats people's illness.Teachers teaches people in order to aware them about the world. Everyone is special.The country becomes great with the support of these people.  
  
Many people in the country become worldwide personalities through their extraordinary achievements.Does that mean the country is great? In India, there are lots of actors with worldwide fame. Their achievements make them great.They are known as great people who belongs to India, not the people belong to the great nation.This makes a difference.The achievements of people are rather personal than national.  
  
Although scientist, artist, rulers help to enhance the development of the nation, the greatness of nation does not totally dependent on them.As a conclusion, with the every citizen of the nation, whether the citizen is an ordinary man or a famous person, the country will be a great nation by cherishing its people and take care of them.
@nikhiltinder  
  
1) "Great is a term depicts...": it should be "a term which/that depicts"  
2) "general citizen": it's "general citizens" (plural)  
3) "there is a castism": there WAS a castism (you're talking about BEFORE 21st century)  
4) "scientist, artist..": use plural  
5) "with the every citizen of the nation": "the" isn't necessary  
6) "by cherishing its people and take care of them": "and TAKING care of them"
Nikhil, you can very possibly score a 4 with this essay. You were able to show a clear understanding of the prompt topic and your discussion proves that you have the ability to make yourself understood by the reader on using average considerations. You could have scored higher with your essay presentation had you properly paraphrased the topic for discussion as an introduction to the topic rather than trying to define what the word "great" means. the definition of the word, in your understanding, is not as effective as when you might have tried to first, depict a restatement of the original argument presented. The rest of the essay, starting from the second paragraph, is pretty good. Your use of the caste system that exists in India helped you to better illustrate your given discussion opinion. However, you have a problem with the spacing in your sentence presentations. Do not forget to press the space bar between finished sentences so that the reader will not have a hard time differentiating where the old sentence ends and the new one begins. Overall, you have a pretty decent attempt at writing this essay. If you apply the changes I am suggesting here in your next essay, that essay should garner you a better score.