dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hi Andika, please find a few suggestions below to strengthen your essay.  
  
- A breakdown of ~~the~~ information ~~about~~on the proportion of crime  
- punishments in several nations over the 50 year period is shown in the graph below , it is measured ~~by~~in thousands  
- ~~is illustrated in the bar chart~~ .  
- in other~~s~~ nations .  
- Also, USA numbers was by far the highest rate in 1980.  
  
- Great Britain ~~was by far~~has the most significant  
- change~~d~~ in the first 20-years.  
- ~~In contrast~~On the contrary ( contrast - is for colors / contrary - is for ideas ) ,  
- The ~~fluctuated~~fluctuating trend was  
- seen ~~in~~with Canada offenders.  
- ... and Australia stayed with the same ~~of~~ proportions by ...  
  
There you have it Andika, as you can see there are only minor corrections that needs to be done in order to strengthen your analysis, however, it will be great if this corrections will be corrected properly before submission.
A breakdown of the report about visitors of two selected new music sites in a 15-day period is illustrated in the line chart measured in thousands. Overall, it is really important to notice that the number of pop parade visitors saw an upward trend, whereas the level of music choice visitors witnessed a slight increase.  
  
Initially, it can be seen that the quantity of people surfing Pop Parade site is three times more than that of people browsing Music Choice. Between day 4 and day 7, there is a significant difference where Pop Parade proportion goes down to approximately 30, compared to Music Choice proportion which is fluctuated slightly. Nevertheless, in the next day Pop Parade begins to go up remarkably at 150 and another is still stable around 20.  
  
Interestingly, although a plenty of Music Choice viewers overtakes the other from day 12 to day 13, the next day sees a sharp rise in proportion of Pop Parade and leads again at 140. In the following day, the number of Pop Parade visitors finishes at 170 and reaches a peak, whereas Music Choice sees a dramatic drop at 70.  
  
**(190 words)**  
  
*   
*music sites*
**The graph above shows the quantities of goods transported in the UK between 1974 and 2002 by four different modes of transport.  
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant**  
  
The line chart gives information about the amount of merchandise in million tones that has been carried in UK by four modes of transport since 1974 to 2002. Overall, it can be seen that, there was upward trend by 4 modes transportation, whereas Road was the highest transport to goods transported in the same period while, Pipeline was the smallest transportation that used to carry of goods.  
  
In 1974, at least 40 million tones of goods transported by Rail and water, Pipeline just under 20 million tones, and the highest was road at 70 million tones. Pipelines and water grow up in 1982, while the Road and The Rail were fall down. However, there was drop and increase of merchandise, between 1982 and 1994 fluctuated in the quality of goods transported by 4 modes transportation. Whereas, pipeline as much as 21 million tones, pail decreased at least 22 million tones, water under 60 million tones and Road fluctuated at 78 million tones.  
  
During 1994-2002 there was upward trend by four transportation and based on the figure, the amount of road which was used was the bigger than others as much as 90 million tones. Others under of 50 million tones and the smallest was Pipeline in the number of goods transported.  
  
*
Reski, you have a better report writing than essay writing skill. That may serve you well when you take the actual test because you will have a tendency to score higher in one of the written exams over the other. Which will probably raise the bracket of your final test score. Just remember to improve upon your summary writing skills. The modes of transport should have been indicated as part of the overview. Without it, the information delivered was incomplete and therefore, did not offer a solid summary of the information presented for follow up discussion. Aside from that problem though, I found that the full report could be deemed acceptable and just might score at passing or slightly higher. I hope that you can find a way to further improve your reporting skills. Just make sure to always double check in terms of the summary information. It has to be complete in reference to the overview of information presented. The slightest missing data could affect the final outcome of your score for this test.
HI, let me give some advice, perhaps useful for you.  
1.the highest ~~transport to goods transported~~ in the same (...) the smallest ~~transportation~~ that used ...----> you miss understanding. **road, pipeline and rail are not transportation, there are modes of transport**  
  
2. your summary is too monotonous. try to modify and use some word to express about the increase ( for instance : increase gradually/dramatically), decrease ( for example: plunged to) and fluctuated.  
  
3. For the beginning, you can say that " In 1974, the amount of goods transported by rail **stood at** almost 40 million tones"  
4. To make smoothly flow, put some conjunction words such as Next, furthermore, moreover, etc.
hello reski  
I have some suggestions for you  
hope it works  
  
The line chart gives the information about (...) in million ~~tones~~tonnes that ~~has~~have been carried in UK by four modes of transport ~~since~~from 1974 to 2002.  
  
... be seen that~~,~~ there was upward (...) the same period, while~~,~~ Pipeline was the smallest (...) to carry off goods.  
  
During 1994-2002 there was upward trend by four transportation ...  
Over eight-year period, started from 1994, there was upward trend by four model of transportation and it based on the figures, the number of road which was used bigger than others at roughly 90 million tonnes.  
  
Others under of 50 million tones and the smallest ...  
the number of goods transport was the smallest proportion which had 50 million tonnes  
  
thanks  
keep writing
The bar chart reveals information about the number of foreign learners alumni from college in several towns in Canada over five-year period. Overall, except Alberta, others countries was by far the most significant changed. Also, New Brunswick levels was by far the highest proportions of others.  
  
New Brunswick levels far dominated of graduating people both of the years at 7% (2001) and approximately 12% (2006). This was followed by British Columbia, almost 5 % in the first of year and around 11% in the last of year. In addition, the large gap was seen in the level of British Columbia by 6% when it came to 2006. Unsurprisingly, both Manitoba and Newfoundland&Labrador still stayed the same of proportion by 3% in the former year and 7% in the latter one.  
  
Turning to the another diverge proportion, Alberta proportions experienced a decline of number by 4% when it moved to the end of year. Other level of countries performs only a big-scale for alumni college proportion.  
  
*
Andika, I would say that this could get a band score of 5 if provided in an actual test setting. The reasons that I believe that would be your score has its basis in the scoring criteria itself. While you attempted to cover all of the important information in the essay, you failed to give a listing of the countries covered by the graph illustration. The overview suffers from incomplete information as well. Points will be deducted for those in an actual test. You also have a problem regarding the cohesion and coherence of your sentences. The problem is that the sentences you develop tend to be unclear due to your limited vocabulary. These problems combine to make a difficult to understand essay on your part. Finally, you have tremendously frequent grammatical errors that will cost you a big chunk of your final score in an actual test. I suggest that you consider the parts I am concerned about and try to develop those aspects in preparation for your next practice test.
The given line chart provides the quantity of graduated students in universities of Canada in the period between 1992 and 2007 according to sexes. Overall, it is really important to notice that although both of sexes had simillar pattern which saw an upward trend, females were the higher number than males .  
  
In 1992, both woman and man graduated proportion stood at 100 thousand and 70 thousand respectively; then, both were followed by a downward trend in 1995. Afterwards, there had been a slight decrease in both by 1997. Between 1997 and 2001 female graduate proportion fluctuated slightly around 100 thousand compared to male proportion at approximately 75 thousand.  
  
In the following year, female figure showed a sharp rise in number of graduates by a half of the former and reached a peak at just below 150 thousand graduates. In contrast, by the same period, the quantity of male graduates had increased slightly by 25 thousand and had finished at about 95 thousand.  
  
**(163 words)**  
  
*   
*graduates in Canada*
Dear Ibe, here some advice for your writing and feel free to correct me too!  
  
Overall, it ~~is~~**was** really important to notice ...  
  
...been a slight decrease**d** in both by 1997.  
  
... 2001 female graduate**d** proportion fluctuated slightly ...  
  
... showed a sharp rise**n** in number of graduates by ...  
  
Regards
Ebola has been destroy people life. Recently, virologists have found that it easier to suffer more readily among humans and in the time goes on, experiences a deadlier illness. The West African epidemic that started in 2014 was ended by quiet isolation measures.  
  
A latest news, both Luban's team and a separate one led by Jonathan Ball at the University of Nottingham, UK, five the information regarding the A82V get into the Ebola virus to attack human and other primate cells up to four times more dangerous than the old virus.  
  
The team concern to explore that several subsequent mutations did not many on their own, but rose infectivity still further when they accompanied A82V. It suggesting that the virus was under evolutionary tension to make humans more readily fit.  
  
Many scientist predict the best way is that the A82V mutation disappeared when the epidemic ended without it lingers in the eyes or testes of some people It could be happening allow its talent for invading people's body. While, A82V appears early in the epidemic, which the aim for either this mutation or one with same impacts will rise in the after this.
Ebola has been ~~destroy~~destroyed people's life.  
... found that it is easier to suffer ~~more readily among~~(in this sentence you mentioned easier which means there is comparison in here, so, it is good idea to compare it with the words "than" Im absolutely sorry that i dont get what you means here) humans and in the time goes on, ...  
  
The ~~West African~~west african epidemic that started ...  
~~A latest news,~~Eventually, both Luban's team and a separate(separate what?) one....  
  
The team ~~concern~~concerns to explore that several ...  
It ~~suggesting~~suggests that the virus was under ...  
  
Andika, please painstakingly consider your subject verb agreement.. Sometimes I did not get what you mean here..  
keep spirit!!! :)
Hello Andika,  
I have some correction for your writing, hope this help you..  
  
Ebola has been ~~destroy~~destroyed "because it must use V3" people life.  
  
~~A~~" I think in this statement need article the" The latest news, both Luban's (...) Nottingham, UK, "need a connector which" five the information ...  
  
Many ~~scientist~~scientists"because is plural noun" predict the best way ...  
... It could be happening to"it must add to because make complete word " allow its talent ...
Dear Irianto, here some advice for your writing and feel free to correct me too!  
  
Ebola has been destroy**ed** people life.  
  
... found that it **is** easier to suffer (...) humans and ~~in the time goes~~**by the time is going** on, **it** experiences a deadlier illness.  
  
The team concern**ed** to explore that (...) did not ~~many~~**work** on their own, ...  
  
... that the virus ~~was~~ under evolutionary (...) humans more ~~readily~~**ready to** fit.  
  
Many scientist**s** predict **that** the best way is (...) epidemic ended **up** without ~~it~~ lingers in the eyes (...) could be happen~~ing~~**to** allow its talent ...  
  
Regards
Hi Andika, here is some suggestions for you  
  
Ebola has ~~been~~ destroy**ed** people life.  
... found that it **is** easier to suffer more ...  
The West African epidemic ~~that~~ started in 2014...  
... led by Jonathan Ball at ~~the~~ University of Nottingham, UK, **there are** five ~~the~~ information**s** regarding the A82V **that** get into the Ebola ...  
  
The team concern**ed** to explore ~~that~~ several subsequent mutations **that** did not many ...  
It **was** suggest~~ing~~**ed** that the virus was ...  
  
Many scientist**s** predict**ed that** the best way is ...  
  
Best Regards
***In some countries it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree?***  
  
A strict regulation about smoking has been made in several countries to prohibit smoking in public places, as such smokers who want to smoke should be leaving the building. This essay would totally agree with such a notion because this policy creates comfort circumstances and prevent people from suffering serious disease.  
  
One of the reasons for supporting this policy is that the comfortable environment can be created. This is because the workers are afraid of the punishment, forcing them to leave the crowded spot. For instance, a current survey carried out by several workers when they work in the workplace in 2010 showed that they feel satisfied with the rule banning the smokers being fitting with the society as convenient environment was created. It is true that healthy environment can be kept by applying this policy.  
  
Apart from the previous discussion, city-settlers are prevented from acute disease. The reason for this is that cigarette smoke containing chemical substance is free from the public place, leaving for fresh air inhaled by people. For example, a current report from health ministry of Indonesia said that several breakthroughs made by local government to ban smokers from accessing public place lead to the decrease of ill people at the hospital. By the fact, it is true that more inhabitants are healthy because of this regulation.  
  
In conclusion, this essay supports the idea that comfortable atmosphere and minimize the dangerous illness will be created by a firm rule about prohibition for smoking in the public space. I hope that this regulation have to applied in the whole companies.
the most motivation people to work is money, while for a couple years later, most societies chooses the same enterprise. I am more likely to stand in the opponent of this statement because the important reason to work is comfortable to improve workers skill in workplace and passion also effect on workers performance.  
  
It is generally believed that people work based on their enjoyment so that work in a good performance. This is because workers considered that work is not demand, but to running hobbies. Besides, it feels enjoyable when doing something in the workplace and it is increasing employee creativity in the company. For example, based on my own experience working as a teacher since happiness met students give me a lot of experience and never got tired when doing this occupation. It is true that passion has important role to enhance skill especially creativity.  
  
Turning to the one of the most pivotal reason is comfortable in the workplace. This is because people feels convenient to doing something in the company. For instance, based on my own experience work in the workplace requiring close to each other, moreover, it makes partnerships be relatives so that easy to talking with others. Consequently, people enjoys when work in there even do not look the amount of money that people achieve. There is no doubt that comfortable more important than money.  
  
In conclusion, money is not the only as the stimulus to job, this essay acknowledge that it is essential for labor to work in comfortable circumstance and also suitable with their passion because it will be encourage workers capability. It is recommended that people should make sure their job really appropriate like what they want. Furthermore, people do not depend on money as their standard for doing a job.
Hello  
You have a good summary  
I have some corrections for you  
  
... based on their enjoyment around the office so that they can work in ...  
  
Besides, it feels enjoyable for them when doing something in the workplace ~~and~~ . It is increasing a number of employee ...  
  
... as a teacher since feel happiness met students give me ~~a lot of~~many experience and ...  
  
It is true that passion has the most important role to enhance skills especially in creativity.  
  
..., it makes ~~partnerships~~relationship to relatives so that ...  
  
Consequently, people enjoys the job when work in there even do not look interesting for the amount of ...  
... that comfortable conditions is more important than money.  
  
Thanks
A breakdown of the information about the alteration top number of elephants several countries in Asia between 1997 and 2004 is shown in the bar chart. Overall, it is really important to bear in mind that there were eight countries which had the highest elephant population in 1997, apart from Cambodia. Nevertheless, Laos had same maximum population both 1997 and 2004.  
  
The highest level of estimation population elephants was recorded in India in both years. This was followed by Myanmar at approximately 5500 and 4800 in 1997 and 2004 respectively. In 1997, the third position was occupied by Thailand, while Sri Lanka also takes this position in 2004.  
  
There was an alteration when comparing Malaysia after a seven-year period since the large gap appeared to be true by 2,000. Turning to Vietnam that had the number of elephants population decreased by 100 in 2004. Surprisingly, the contrast was seen in the proportion of Cambodia which experienced an increased to 1500 in the same year. Eventually, Other proportions were only a small proportion.  
  
*
**WRITING TASK 2: The reason why employees working in the same place within year**  
  
The most common reason that motivates employees to keep them working in the same place within years is money. I totally disagree with this statement because opportunity of being leader and comfortable working atmosphere are the reason for this trend.  
  
These days, some workers believe that the leader position will be offered for old and expert employees only. Therefore, for that reason, staying in the similar company for along time will give many chances to lead its workplace. For example, a recent study of university of Auckland carried out from 2009 to 2011 found that about 68% of employees stayed to learn how to be good leader to prepare their next vote as a future director in that company while 32% workers stayed because of money purpose. It is true that the director position motivates employers to keep doing the same job for long-term period.  
  
It is generally believed that other people stay longer in the same company because of the comfortable working experience. This means that what they find in the workplace such as working system and colleges they have makes them feel convenient. Besides, employees also have their own principle WHO supports them to do their best in working. For instance, in Korea, a new survey by government authority showed that approximately 85% workers unchanged their job as they have friendly colleagues and circumstance in office while 25% they need to earn a lot of money for their living cost. It is true that being convenient in work place is the reason for this phenomenon.  
  
To conclude, the motivations why people have job in the same workplace within years are having a chance to be future chief company and pleasant workplace. It is nettles to say that employees definitely have their own-choice to decide where they want to earn money
Hello  
You have a good summary  
I have some corrections for you  
  
... the leader position will be only offered for old and expert employees that have many experiences during their work.  
  
... give many chances to lead ~~its~~**in the** workplace.  
  
... 68% of employees stayed to ~~learn how to be good leader~~**find more experiences** to prepare their next (...) in that company**.**~~while~~**While** 32% **of** workers stayed (you can change to another word) because ...  
  
... director position **make people to appear their** motivates ~~employers~~ to keep doing ...  
  
... because of the comfortable ~~working experience~~**workplace**.  
  
... 25% they need to earn ~~a lot of~~**much** money for ...  
  
Thanks
The line graph illustrates about the number of alumni in the Third level Education of Canada over the 15 years period. Overall, the both of figures showed an upward trend and females student was by far most dominant in the total of people.  
  
Initially, by 1992, the widened gap had been seen between both graph. The number of gender alumni experienced slightly increase at 70,000 and 98,000 respectively. In addition the number of people graduated in the 1995 for two figures to 75,000 of men and 150,000 of women. While the changing trend in 1998 experienced slightly drop at 72,000 and 100,000 with two figures.  
  
Between 1998 until 2006, the number of college graduated experienced sharply rise by two gender. In this case, the number had significantly changed by almost 48,000 of men and 25,000 of women. Therefore, the both gap was more widened in the end of the year. Eventually, by 2007 of female reached a peak at around 150,000 in the end of year.  
  
*
Hi dikha i have some feedback for you (^.^)  
  
... Education of Canada over the last fifteen~~15~~ years period.  
  
The ~~number~~(you can paraphrase number to be proportion, quantities) of gender alumni ...  
... 1995 for two figures ~~to~~approximately in 75,000 of men ...  
  
Eventually, by 2007 ~~of~~ the females reached a peak ~~at~~ around 150,000 ...  
  
hope it helps bro :)
Dear Irianto, here some advice for your writing and feel free to correct me too!  
  
......1995 for two figures ~~to~~**at** 75,000 ~~of~~**for** men and 150,000 ~~of~~**for** women.  
  
While the ~~changing~~**changed** trend in 1998 experienced **a** slightly drop**ped** at 72,000 and 100,000 ~~with~~**for** two figures.  
  
... graduated experienced **a** sharply rise**n** by two gender.  
  
... changed by almost 48,000 ~~of~~**for** men and 25,000 ~~of~~**for** women.  
  
Regards
This papers deal with the correlation between Jean Paul Sartre's (JPL) thought and the 21st century which is well-known as one dimensional society, lack of critical thought.  
  
The Hollywood industry of movie which has been influencing Indonesians for many years is with his movies that show the wealthy actor who has a luxury life, BMW, sophisticated device, "Prada" bag, etc. Sometimes, people are not aware of its impact. It is a new strategy of capitalist system which be applied from the media.  
  
Capitalist system which gradually emerges into the markets with a new image gives insurances, bonuses, scholarships in order to attract the society to be a consumptive. This becomes a huge problem in the decades which are faced by. The Philosophers, however, do not keep silence of it.  
  
JPL was a French Philosopher (1905--1980). He was one of the key of figure in philosophy of existentialism and one of the leading figures in 20th-century French Philosophy. He said "Other is hell", and he was also advocating that existence precedes essence. These propagandas are greatly handy to use in nowadays. When the others philosophers stag to make a new paradigm of people in public sphere.