dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
***Young people should spend more time on cultural activities such as music and theatre and less time on sport.***  
## How far do you agree with this statement?

  
  
Many people believe that the young had better pay more attention to cultural activities instead of sport. However, in my opinion, they do not review all aspects of this statement so i completely disagree with this view.  
  
It could not deny that nowaday, many culture activities become out-of-date. They do not fit the modern lifestyle of adolescences. In twenty-first century, the world changes rapidly everyday that makes young people have to interpret its system and socialise more. Humans currently are getting busier and working harder, quicker so they can not waste their time on something that has not been interesting enough or not help their career. Furthermore, sports make people communicate, helps they relax after long time of working and especially they are fashional. On the other hand, almost cultural activities are too slow comparing to the fast movement of sports, active people are easy to pick the second choice.  
  
Moreover, sports have many health benefits to everybody. Firstly, it aids for cardiovascular system. A lot of researchers show that playing sports can reduce some diseases such as: having a headache, broke or diseases related to the heart. Secondly, taking part in a sport might build your better body. It helps maintain the accurate weight and make you look sexier. Finally, scientists point out that the brain receives many advantages when people playing sports. This prevents lots of dangerous diseases like alzermer or losing memory and boost the Iq level.  
  
To conclude, sports play an important role in the young,s life and people should spend more time on them. Therefore, by any way, taking more time on cultural activities such as music and theatre despite of sport is unnescessary.
cultural activities instead of sport  
Use synonyms. Avoid keeping any original keywords to help increase, rather than decrease your L R score.  
  
they do not review all aspects of this statement  
What aspects? The original prompt is complete. You are the one who should offer a clean statement of at least 2 reasons for your thesis statement. Yours is the incomplete response.  
  
The first 2 sentences of your first reasoning paragraphs are redundant. You indicate the same information twice in varied ways, causing these to become word count fillers instead of discussion informative presentations. Actually , upon a more comprehensive review, the whole paragraph has no logical content. It turned into a mere paraphrasing exercise covering the same thought presentation. This is a very bad and useless paragraph.  
  
In the concluding paragraph, your extent response should again be present to indicate a complete summary of the discussion that you just presented.
**Please rate my essay and give advice, Thank you very much**  
  
***Topic:  
Some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoos, while others think that zoos are both entertaining and ecologically important***.  
## Discuss both views

.  
  
It has been a hotly-debated topic on whether it is right to keep wild animals in zoos or not. While some argue that it is unethical to put animals on display at zoos, others advocate that zoos are educational, entertaining, and environmentally crucial in various ways. This essay will analyze both perspectives.  
  
On the one hand, zoos have a considerable impact on animal conservation. Zoos provide a safe environment for animals, especially the endangered species, which helps to protect them from the problems they may face in the wildlife. For example, poaching, loss of habitats, natural disasters, etc that can pose a threat to the animal's existence. Besides that, scientists have a chance to study animal's behaviors for their research. Furthermore, many zoos have breeding programs for endangered animals. Those attempts make it easier for animals to reproduce since, in the wild, they may have trouble finding partners and breeding that might lead to their extinction. From an economic perspective, zoos create job opportunities for the locals. There would be a rise in the unemployment rate if zoos were closed. In addition to that, the money raised by zoos or the entrance fees can be used for conservation projects, enhancement on living places of those species, or food. Not only are zoos entertaining and amusing, but more importantly, zoos are also ideally educational places for people, particularly children, to experience and learn about the natural world.  
  
On the other hand, zoological gardens are considered unethical. There are several reasons why it is wrong to put wild animals in zoos. Firstly, it is unethical to make an animal live in a cage. That means it is deprived of its freedom and the right to live in the place it belongs to - nature. Zoos are an artificial environment, therefore wild animals brought to the zoos lose their instinct to hunt for food. Consequently, they have to depend on the zookeepers for food. Secondly, humans do not have the right to exhibit animals for entertainment because they also have feelings. For this reason, animals in captivity suffer from stress, boredom, and confinement which they would not experience were they to live in the natural habitat.  
  
In conclusion, although zoos play a vital role in animal conservation and are educational to children, animals kept in zoos may undergo mental problems and lose their instincts.
You have changed the discussion requirements for this prompt. It asks you to do a comparative discussion of both point of public opinion, then offer your personal point of view. In the actual test, the alteration of the instructions or discussion paragraphs will result in a failing T. A. score leading to a final overall failing score result. You have shown a ffamiliarity with the discussion requirements but. all you have presented are ideas and reasons which, athough part ofthe scoring considerations, does not satisfy the cohesiveness and coherence requirements due to the lack of properly connected discussion topics and explanations. 1 do not have high hopes for your score based on this inconsistent type of writing.
overall, your essay has met the requirements for Task Achievement - discussing both view without giving your opinions.  
You need to pay more attention to your grammars or else you would lose marks on your grammatical range and accuracy  
for example:  
That means ~~it is~~ ***they are*** deprived of theirs ... the place ~~it~~ ***they*** belong~~s~~ to - nature.  
  
beside i dont think this information explan why zoos are both entertaining and ecologically important.:  
*From an economic perspective, zoos create job opportunities for the locals. There would be a rise in the unemployment rate if zoos were closed*. You can mention that *having more staffs working at the zoological gardens would facilitates the caring and perserving of animals in the zoos* to strengthen your point of views on ecological importance.
*topic title:  
**In many countries today, people in cities either live alone or in small family units, rather than in large family groups.***  
## Is this a positive or negative trend?

  
  
Today, with the development of human society and technology, the trend of city dwellers living alone or in the nuclear family is unlike in the past. I strongly agree that there are both pros and cons to this trend in the contemporary world  
  
on the one hand, we can see that the people who live alone without the help of other people tend to become more independent and develop a sense of responsibility at an early age. They may have the opportunity to improve some necessary soft skills especially when they apply in the big manufactures, for example, interpersonal skills, presentation,... Besides, the small family does not have the heavy financial burden and the breadwinner can bring home the bacon. Meanwhile, the mother may take care of their family problems and their children who need the parent's attention. If we live in an extended family, there will be a conflict between the old and young generation and the envy between the close relatives. Therefore, we can avoid them by living alone or in a nuclear family. Another privilege of the modern living way is that people will have a quieter zone to focus on their work or study. There is a lot of distraction when living in large families due to the disturbance from other relatives. Moreover, living alone or in a nuclear family will bring a quiet and non-disturbing environment to individuals. For example. most Korean students agree that they gain better productivity doing their school projects thanks to living alone.  
  
On the other hand, this trend can lead to some bad effects. The side effect of this lifestyle is that it is difficult to find someone to share problems and confide in. It leads to the over-use of TV, Internet and discourages real interaction. As a result, people tend to have a feeling of isolation from society and causes an increase in the suicide rate.  
  
In conclusion, while many people would likely prefer to live alone or in a small family, I believe that this trend may bring better influence in not only family but also society
The discussion instruction is quite clear. Discuss a single point of view based on the opinion that you support. Respond with a single point of view choice based on; "Is this a positive or negative trend?" One response . One point of view supported by your response. Your incorrect answer to the question immediately faiIs in the T.A. section as there is no clear opinion provided based on the required discussion response format. The essay has already failed based on the T. A. considerations alone. When you are in doubt about how to respond to a particular question, ask for clarifications since you are still learning the essay response types. Don't just respond for the sake of responding. That is how most of these test takers fail the exam section in the actual setting.
## making honey process

  
  
The diagram illustrates the process of making honey. Overall, there are 7 stages in total, the process begins with the honey bees building a hive and ending with the honey is produced.  
  
The first step, bees have a build hive and it consists of many small individually built cells made of wax lying close together. After the hive is completed, the bees leave the hive to search for flowers and then, they landed on the stamens to collect the nectar from it.  
  
After the nectar is fully absorbed, the bees bring back the hive and they fill the cells with the nectar collected. However, this honey has not yet reached maturity. In addition, Some bees flap their wings to create wind to water evaporation in honey.  
  
Finally, when the nectar reaches a certain degree of evaporation, the product produced is honey.
You are short by almost 10 words of the 150 word minimum. Signifying a lack of proper summary presentation and image analysis, I doubt this essay can manage to achieve a minimal passing score. By the way, you have not accurately identified the diagram. Consider a more precise description or image title next time. Focus your future writing lessons on tense usage.you should never mix past and present time references in a report presentation as it creates an inaccurate step by step procedure development presentation. You should also review your punctuation usage. Familiarize yourself with when to use a period or comma. Sentence structure exercises will definitely help.
## The table and pie charts analysis

  
  
The table illustrates how many people paid a visit to Ashdown Museum during the year before and after refurbishment. The pie charts demonstrate the result of surveys of visitor satisfaction during the same two periods.  
  
Overall, it is clear that the number of visitors plummeted sharply after the museum was refurbished. The statistics also reveal that more guests give positive feedback on Ashdown Museum in the year after refurbishment than the year before.  
  
Looking at the table more closely, one can see that the number of people visiting the museum rose significantly from 74 thousand to 92 thousand after the decoration, which translates to an increase of 18,000 visitors.  
  
Turning to the charts, almost one-half of all guests felt dissatisfied with the museum in the year before refurbishment. This figure subsequently witnessed a considerable fall to just 15 percent after the museum was refurbished. Moreover, those who were very satisfied with Ashdown Museum initially accounted for 15 percent. Then, the figure experienced gains of 20 percent, reaching a striking 35 percent, more than the percentages of visitors feeling dissatisfied, very dissatisfied, and having no response combined. A similar trend was seen in the share of guests feeling content with the museum, with an increase of 10 percent, making up 40 percent in the year after refurnishment. On the other hand, the proportion of those who were very displeased with the museum halved, and that of visitors who had no response remained unchanged after the refurbishment.  
  
*
245 words is only 5 words short of minimum word count forthe task 2 essay, which is written in 40 minutes. There is noway you can complete that many words within a 20 minute time allotment essay. The task 1 essay is focused on summarized clear reporting of image information. You did not accomplish that in this presentation. You have sacrificed writing rule adherence in favor of length. Which could result instead in a failing score due to several enors presented and not corrected/edited.  
  
For instance, the prompt only makes reference to a table, but the actual presentation has 1 table and 2 pie charts. all 3 images must be properly identified in your version to highlight your analysis of all the information provided. Your improper image identification means you failed to properly assess the data you were given. You failed to identify the pie charts as additional data sources within the report even though you referenced the non-chart information several times. The data presentation is therefore, based on inaccurate references. Thus proving that length does not equal accuracy in a task 1 essay.
***It allows the teacher to better relate to his or her students, to better deal with the problems, and to better provide a positive and constructive role model.***  
  
## Present your arguments in agreement or disagreement with this statement.

  
  
It is almost evident that most people deal with problems of self-acceptance these days. Many people advocate that it is essential for teachers to accept who they are. On the other hand, some people argue that self-acceptance is not the most prominent character teachers should possess. I tend to agree with the former view that self-acceptance is the most vital trait for teachers.  
  
First and foremost, teachers who accept themselves have more chance to impart self-confidence in their students. It is because they can relate themselves and their experiences to teach their pupils. For instance, a teacher whose accent is not American, instead of taking this as his limitation, can accept it and teach his students to approve of their shortcomings and accept themselves as they are, without changing themselves to suit to false standards of society. In addition, by accepting themselves, teachers can show their pupils that no one is perfect. They should become better, not an ideal version that they cannot accept but do under the pressing demand of society or their peers.  
  
Furthermore, when teachers approve of their limitations, a student can better rely on teachers to solve their problems. For example, a teacher who is terrible at sports can openly accept it, despite hiding his weak character. As a result, some students can unhesitatingly tell their teacher about their problems, as their teacher will not judge them based on their issues. Hence, a wall between students and teacher breaks.  
  
Moreover, teachers can become good role models for their pupils when they have self-acceptance. To tackle real-world issues, a student needs a realistic role model, not some fictional character. To illustrate, a teacher who shows shortcomings as a part of a person's trait and teaches his students to accept them and progress, can help students in a better way. If teachers do not impart these ideas, students can lose practical role models. For example, if a student, who wants to play basketball on the national level, does not accept his limitation, such as height, may become stressed and frustrated.  
  
In conclusion, it is vital for teachers to self-accept themselves to impart comprehensible and practical knowledge to their students and become realistic role models.
It is almost evident that most people deal with problems of self-acceptance these days.  
How does this relate to the teacher discussion? The reference point in the original discussion is in relation to teachers. avoid straying from the actual discussion references as topic alterations will alter the validity of your discussion due to the inclusion of non- related discussion subjects.  
  
I tend to agree  
Complete the thesis statement. Summarize the topics that support your opinion which you will be discussing in your essay.  
  
In your reasoning presentations, do not use phrase fillers. Regardless of the type of English test that you are taking, a topic sentence kick-off always helps withthe clarity of the presentation. The reviewer is looking for proof that you can easily make yourself understood in English. That cannot bewell accomplished when your presentation takes toolong to get to the point.  
  
\* Limited review provided due to the lack of reference to the type of English test to be taken by the student.
## the date of Australia Days celebration

  
  
Hi my name is Kim I have a problem with my introduction can someone help me to fix it please, thank you very much. This is my introduction  
  
Recently, discussion have centred on whether or not if people want to change the Australia days,the issues for this is that the Aboriginal do want to change the date because they saying that Australia days was on the 26 of january is an invasion days, Because in that date all of the aboriginals has lost the land that they live in for thousands of years but when the british people come they took all the land and the children away from them. As explored in the title The Guardian View On Australia Days: change the date, it contends that the author does want to change the Australia days because they say that Australia days were an invasion days to the Aboriginal and if you celebrate Australia days you need to have to celebrate the Aboriginal days as well. In overall tone he has target to the audience that they want to change the Australia date in order to make the Aboriginals forget what has happened in the past.  
  
Regards
The history of the event is difficult to understand and follow. The ESL presentation will not even pass as basic due to the lack of coherent sentences and improper punctuation usage. There are capital letters being used where lower case letters are required. Lower case letters were often used in noun presentations, which, by grammar rule, should have been capitalized. The introduction requires professional editing to make the presentation understandable to an ENL. Proper sentence formation and grammar rule adherence are required in the revision. I cannot revise this essay in the public forum . Kindly contact us privately for editing services inquirles .
## IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - DEFORESTATION

  
  
Deforestation caused by human activity is happening in many parts of the world with serious results for the environment. What do you think can be done to sove this problem?  
  
Answer:  
  
Falling a swath of trees for personal commercial purpose is occurring in myriad parts of the world, hence environmental damage. Prompt individual and governmental action should be taken to inhibit vast tracts of forests from vanishing.  
  
Fundamentally, trees play an essential role in providing habitat for wildlife, also a natural defense against environmental pollution. Accordingly, cutting down woodland means wrecking residence of many life forms- both terrestrial and aquatic. Moreover, logging practice keep pollutants airborne which outcome is the mixture of contaminations and water vapor, then form acid rain.  
  
Due to these underlying reasons mentioned-above, solutions are given to tackle this urgent society problem. Firstly, paper consumption should be gradually reduced in publishing company. In return, it is vital for readers to read online books rather than traditional one. This practice ,to some extent, might contribute to the reduction in people's use of paper in particular and deforestation in general. Secondly, government's duty is to regulate strict law about illegal logging to save trees from evaporating. Otherwise, it is necessary for each person to feel duty bound to raise individual awareness about the numerous benefits that forests yield to mankind.  
  
From my perspective, I strongly believe that it is human mission to save the integrity of our trusted- friend, tree. Personal and Social steps should be taken immediately to slow deforestation.
The essay is only 221 words. I am afraid that the wordcount deduction will be difficult for your work to overcome. This essay is immediately a strong contender for a failing score. Always bear in mind that the word minimum is 250 and provide that count as your least written word number.  
  
Prompt individual and ...forests from vanishing.  
These are not solutions to the problem. So, you did not respond to the direct question as required. The essay is nowmissing a thesis sentence.  
  
Fundamentally, trees play an essential then form acid rain...  
You have gone off base in terms of discussion instructions. This whole paragraph is unrelated to the discussion task. There should only be 2 paragraphs explaining your proposed solutions. 1 paragraph per solution.  
  
Unfortunately this presentation fails to satisfy the prompt and scoring requirements in several ways. It is a failed discussion presentation
## The diagram illustrates how bricks are made.

  
  
The production involves six main stages beginning with preparing clay and finishing with delivering.  
  
In the first step, clay is collected under the ground by a machine called roller. Being screened by the metal grid, it is put into the roller, then sand and clay mixture is created by mixing clay with sand and water. In order to be in shape, the mixture is passed through a wire cutter or put into a mould and drawn in the pattern. Bricks are basically shaped, preparing for the next steps.  
  
Thousands of bricks are heated in the drying oven from 1 to 2 days. After that, bricks are put into two kilns - a type of large box, which contributes to make bricks hard in a moderate temperature from 200oC to 989oC, then in a higher temperature - about 870oC. Putting in a cooling chamber from 48 to 72 hours is the final step of producing bricks. Finally, bricks are packaged and can be used for construction purposes.
You were given an image name at the start. how was the image identified ? It is not just a production. The image should be referred to as any of the following: a procedural outline, a brick making process list, or step by step creation process, to name but a few image identifiers. Your single sentence is not an informative summary as it fails to properly inform the reader about key production points before the final product. You are making an exaggerated claim that is not supported by the image and therefore, misleads the reader, which makes this an inaccurate report.You should not have made reference to thousands of bricks.  
  
\* Limited review due to lack of image.