dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
High school is the important medium to educate and develop basic concepts in a child. However, i firmly believe that, development of high school in community has several advantages. As more schools in the community give opportunity for more children to be educated. Also, children have ease of access to reach school as it is located in the community. And believe it or not, it brings community people closer to each other.  
  
To begin with, the more schools in the community the more children will be educated. Schools give the opportunity for children to learning and develop skills. However, it is beneficial for children's future as well as for country's prosperity. School social activities also develop confidence in a child to talk to one another and he becomes confidently face any difficult situation in his entire life.  
  
Furthermore, the school which is at shorter distance from home saves the time of children as well as parents. The school located in the local community saves the time of children as they reach school on time and also those parents who drop their children to school would be more feasible. Therefore, both parents and their offspring feel comfortable and relax.  
  
Finally, school in the community brings community people closer to each other. As children within the community study, play with each other and also their parents meet each other in school meetings and in morning and afternoon when they pick and drop their children. It increases social activities in the community and people would know their community people closely.  
  
In conclusion, the opening of high school in local community is beneficial for children as well as for the prosperity of the country and nation. The more the people in a country will be educated, the country would be great place to live as it eliminate illiteracy from the world.
There are some errors that you should pay attention to.  
  
However, I firmly believe that development of high school ...  
As more schools in the community give an opportunity for more children ...  
  
Furthermore, the school which is at a shorter distance from ...  
  
Finally, the school in the community brings ...  
  
... opening of high school in the local community is beneficial for ...  
... the country would be a great place to live as it eliminates illiteracy from the world.
Hi m Javed. . .  
Let me give you some advice. . .  
  
High school is the important mediumyou can change with media to educate and develop ...  
However, ~~i~~I firmly believe that,..  
  
~~The~~ more ~~the~~ people in a country will be educated,(...) live as it eliminates illiteracy from the world.  
  
Good Job.  
I hope It is heplful..
Hi M. Javed,  
  
High school is the important medium to educate ... (You may also write: High school is an important medium to educate and develop basic concepts in a child. You may utilize article "The" to specify something as "the only one" or "the most" or "the......of.......")  
  
Please pay attention to the flow of your writing and its sense of meaning. you should also learn more about collocation to enrich your vocabulary and to avoid repetitive words.  
  
Thank you.
WRITING TASK II  
**The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationship between people.  
To what extent do you agree / disagree ?  
Give a reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge of experience.**  
  
Electronic media had influenced people's daily life in doing many things. Nowdays, media of electronic such as facebook, instagram, messenger, and twitter had changed the way people do communication and it is the bad thing for some people. However, I convince that communication through electronic media will not give any unbeneficial effects on personal relationship between people.  
  
The significant improvement of utilizing electronic media gives a sense of worry for some people. They believe that since social media boomed some years ago, people preferred rely on their smartphone or other electronic devices to connect with other people. In other cases, a group of people that hang out together but still hold their mobile phone will focus on their cyber world than real world that clearly seen in front of their eyes. Talking or texting through electronic media are looked more modern than talking face to face. In addition, the other bad effect of electronic media is forgetting responsibility, to illustrate, an employee who has to finish his job in time, but because he enjoys his life on social media too much, it makes his leader disappointed.  
  
On the other hand, the growing of internet that supports the better quality in using electronic media becomes a positive side that should be thankful by some people. Communicate through media of electronic makes people easier to be connected one another. The cost is the first reason people like to use social media, it is affordable that they need to spend much more money to meet. It can be a way to use the time more effective.  
  
The power of social media also can be the solution for the users who life far away from the other users. They can be connected by skype or line and doing life chat, hence the feeling is like meet the person directly with the family or friend they talk to. Additionally, people can keep in touch regularly by many kinds of features in their smartphone such as sharing picture, video, and voice note. The opponents believe that bad effect of social media can occur if the users misuse the function of electronic media. Electronic media will be so much helpful if we use it in the right way and the right time. It depends on the particular person itself.  
  
To sum up, social media is medium that helps us to connect with other people. By becoming a wise user, we can prevent and decreas the negative effects made by misleading of the using of electronic media.
Hi Russell,  
I would like to separate my feedback into three essential parts of IELTS task 2. I hope you can follow through.  
  
Introduction Paragraph:  
- In this paragraph you need to clearly define what electronic media is. This paragraph is quite confusing. You give us examples of "social media" not "electronic media". For your information, any equipment used in the electronic communication process (e.g. television, radio, telephone, desktop computer, game console, handheld device) are considered as electronic media. If you want to use those examples, you need to convince the reader by saying "in the electronic media such as Smartphones or laptops, people have Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and many more to communicate with others."  
  
- However, you also forgot to mention your stance clearly after paraphrasing the question. Remember, if you want to reach band 6 or above, relevant position should be presented in the beginning of the essay (introduction paragraph). Express a position but with unclear development would only give you 5.0 band score in task response.  
  
Body Paragraphs:  
- For me, it was too bulky. It was not necessary to write that long. 2 body paragraphs has adequately covered all the necessary points that should be addressed by IELTS candidates. It is better to have one idea paragraph rather than multiple idea paragraph. Most of multiple idea paragraphs come up with unclear development and confusing structure.  
  
Concluding paragraph:  
- You need to know that presenting a new idea is not allowed in the concluding paragraph. You just need to sum up all the information given on your body paragraphs or just simply paraphrase your introduction paragraph. Don't you realize that this idea "By becoming a wise user.." never appeared in the whole essay? It seems like the idea of "wise user" came out of nowhere. You cannot go beyond 5.0 if you do this.  
  
There you have it Russell, I hope you can compose a better essay practice next time. Do not hesitate to ask if you need further assistance. Good luck mate :)
Hi Russell, first of all, I would like to share that, topics like this are definitely the topics that are worth writing about. Indeed, electronic media and technology as a whole really turned our lives to 360 degrees, one thing that none of us, humans, has thought would happen in a million years.  
  
For this particular agreement however, I believe you have written quiet an intensive one, you made sure that your points are covered and you have elaborately wrote this in fine detail. Now, as much as I love the fact that you have written an essay this informative, I would like to suggest a few notes for your conclusion.  
  
Conclusion  
  
- ~~To sum up~~Overall , social media  
- is a medium that helps us to connect with other people. By ~~becoming a wise user~~being cautious in using technology , we can prevent and decrease the negative effects ~~made by misleading of the using of~~from using electronic media.  
  
There you have it Rusell, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and should you need further assistance, do let us know, we will be here to assist you.
So here it is, my first ever Film Review. Please do read, i will appreciate it a lot.  
  
So today I went to watch M.S. Dhoni :The Untold Story. It was indeed a much anticipated movie by the cricket fans and why shouldn't it be, it was after all about a big Cricket star, who is loved by a lot of people. But to be honest, it was not that amazing or excellent as it could have been.  
  
The first minus point of the movie was that it was unnecessarily long, and even after being too long, the most striking or relevant details of the Indian cricket Team captain's life were missed out.The progression of the movie lacked in liveliness. Sometimes in between the movie, you sit and try to figure what just happened. What the film lacks is the charismatic energy which could have been if the Direction would have been better.  
  
The movie might not also appeal to hardcore Cricket fans, because seriously it lacked a lot of the cricket part.  
  
But the plus side of the movie were the emotional songs(though at times, the unnecessary sound kind of annoyed me). And the best part of the direction was the Death of Priyanka ( Mahendra singh Dhoni's first Girlfriend ).And the best part of the movie was the Inidan feel that one got from it, the small and trivial Indian things which were shown were very good.  
  
Overall, the movie was a fair shot and is a must watch if someone is a big M.S. Dhoni fan but it fails to draw up that energy, the thrill of the last Shot by M.S. Dhoni in 2011World Cup, it was kind of mediocre, as it was considered the main attraction of the movie, and therefore, much more anticipation could have been built up but there wasn't any And I still prefer seeing the Six shot by Dhoni on my 32 inch screen T.V and having uncontrolled goosies rather than the big Picture. Though the last scene was very Emotional(the one with the trophies in the hand of the Men-In-Blue).  
  
So, thank you if you have read till now, You certainly were an ardent reader and this was my opinion , i would recommend you to definitely watch it and have some of your own.
Hi Aqsa, first of all WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, I hope this is a start of a relationship that will make sure that all of your future writing projects will be coupled by a meticulous and timely review.  
  
We aim at giving it our best for you to be able to send in a competitive essay.  
  
Having said that, I must say that this film summary is done in a well managed way, you made sure that there is a sequence of the events that took place in the movie, not only that, you also made sure that the words you use to incorporate in the essay is very conversational, meaning they are very easy to understand in a normal readers view.  
  
Overall, the summary is well versed, however, I would suggest that you refrain from using the word "but" in beginning or starting a sentence and if you can replace the word "but" with the word "however" or any other linking verb that could denote negative or comparison to the other idea, without using the word "but".  
  
I hope the above insights are useful.
The diagrams present process about disappearance of hot temperature in houses. This is due to air getting into and out of the house. Overall it can be seen that major air enter from the first floor. Furthermore, while the second floor experienced leak of slits which escape from a house through the ceiling.  
  
The first process starts when air leaks enter the house, especially it dominate in the first floor. Another air comes from outdoor faucet into the crawl space, in addition it comes from venthole to the basement. There are not only in underground houses, but it also occurs in the second floor.  
  
turning to there are several situations in the second floor such as air leaks more outgoing than getting in. According on the pictures, air come from kitchen fan vent, doors, windows, and the last is electrical outlet. Besides, because of taking heat from electronic equipment and passes the space in the roof for example, recessed lights and attic hatch. This situation gives fact that cold air can absorb heat and bring it out of the house with the result that the energy will be wasted.  
  
***your feedback is so welcome***  
  
*
Hi Riandi, below are additional enhancements for your essay and I hope you follow through.  
  
- The diagram~~s~~ presents a process  
- about the disappearance of  
- hot temperature in the houses.  
- This is due to the air getting  
- seen that major air sources enter from  
- leak ~~of slits~~ which escaped from  
- ~~a~~the house through the ceiling.  
  
- The first process starts when an air leaks  
- enter the house, ~~especially it dominate in~~dominating the first floor.  
- from ~~venthole~~a ventilation to the basement.  
  
There you have it Riandi, I suggest you follow though with the corrections and practice writing more often, make sure you mind the minor details of your sentences.
***The diagram below shows how heat is lost and energy wasted in a house because of air getting into and out of the house.  
  
Summarise the information by reporting the main features and make comparisons where appropriate***  
  
The diagram illustrate about circulation of air in the house. It is make effect of using tools inside the house. The effect can produce heat weather.  
  
The house consist of bathroom fan vent, plumbing stack vent, kitchen fan vent, electrical outlet, dryer vent and outdoor faucet. There are different type of cycle air. Air leaking out the house through bathroom fan vent, kitchen fan vent and attichatch. The others is air leaking ino the house with access from electrical outlet, dryer vent and outdoor faucet. Turning the location which the heat wheather is result for using the tools that provide energy. For example, washing machine and kutchen stove. While there are several ventilation holes and small gap between rooms. In other part there is light from above kitchen that other factor for produce heat weather. The upper house have many spot than bottom house. In contrast, many tools in house that produce energy make the athmosphere inside the house different with outside house that can reduce by holes around it.
Hi Andika, I suppose you can add the diagram the next time you write an analysis, this will help reviewers and readers a like to provide you an even better edge, nonetheless, I can assure you that we will and always provide you with the best and most accurate feedback for your analysis.  
  
Having said that, please find a few suggestions below;  
  
- The diagram illustrates the~~about~~  
- house~~. It is make effect~~and it's effects of  
  
- The others are is air leaking int o the house  
- Turning the location ~~which the heat wheather~~with hot r warm water  
- is a result ~~for~~of using - stove~~. While~~, while there are  
- In the other part, there  
- is light ~~from~~ above the kitchen  
- that ~~other~~is another factor  
- for ~~produce~~the production of  
- ~~heat~~hot weather.  
  
There you have it Andika, as always I left the rest of the analysis for you to be able to practice writing and editing yourself and I do hope you follow through. For future writing reference, mind the forms of the words that you incorporate in your essay and make sure that you practice writing more often.
The table shows information on consumer spending on different items in five different countries: Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden, and Turkey. Overall, it is evident that all five countries spend the majority of their consumer expenditure country on food/drink/tobacco and clothing/footwear. On the other hand, the percentages of consumer expenditure on leisure/education have the lowest percentages.  
  
According to the table, out of the five countries, Turkey and Ireland had the highest percentage of consumer spending on food/drinks/tobacco respectively at 32.14% and 28.91%. Turkey also had much higher percentage of leisure/education at 4.35%, while consumer expenditure on clothing/footwear was significantly higher in Italy at 9% than in any of the other countries.  
  
It can be seen that Sweden had the lowest percentage of national consumer expenditure for food/drinks/tobacco and for clothing/footwear, respectively 16.36% and 5.40%. Spain had slightly higher figure for this category but had the lowest figure for leisure/education at 1,98%.  
  
*
Hi Vina..  
please, you review my thoughts below for your writing.  
Hopefully, these can help you to improve your skill.  
Keep Spirit  
GOOD LUCK  
:)  
  
Overall, it is evident that all five countries spend the majority of their consumer ...  
*That is not an overview because you only describe information about notice of the table. The overview is a summary of general trends in the table. Besides that, you have to display comparisons amongst the figures. Well, I will offer the example of overview.*  
  
OVERALL, IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT COSTUMERS OF ALL COUNTRIES ARE MORE LIKELY TO LOCATE THEIR BUDGET TO PURCHASE OF FOOD/DRINK/TOBACCO THAN OTHER CATEGORIES. FURTHERMORE, TURNING TO EACH CATEGORY, CITIZENS OF ITALY SPENT THEIR INCOME MORE THAN THE OTHERS FOR CLOTHING/FOOTWEAR, WHILE OTHER GROUPS OF EXPENDITURE ARE DOMINATED BY COSTUMERS' TURKEY.  
  
.., Turkey and Ireland ~~had~~ HAVE *(Owing to not the information about the year, it should be categorised as the fact data so that you are supposed to use simple present)* the highest percentage of ...  
  
Turkey also ~~had~~ HAS much higher percentage of (...), while THE consumer'S expenditure on clothing/footwear ~~was~~ IS significantly higher ...  
  
It can be seen that Sweden ~~had~~ HAS the lowest percentage of ...  
Spain ~~had~~ HAS slightly THE higher figure for this ...
hello vina  
it is great writing  
but I have several suggestions for you  
hope it helps  
  
... items in five different countries **consists of** Ireland, Italy, Spain,..  
  
... consumer expenditure country on food~~/drink/tobacco~~ and clothing~~/footwear~~ .  
  
On the other hand, ~~the percentages of~~ consumer expenditure on leisure~~/education~~ have the lowest percentages.  
  
... respectively at 32.14% ~~and~~to 28.91%.  
  
Turkey also had ~~much~~ higher percentage of (...) significantly ~~higher~~increase in Italy ~~at~~to 9% than ~~in any of the~~ other countries.  
  
thanks
**The graph below shows relative price changes for fresh fruits and vegetables, sugars and sweets, and carbonated drinks between 1978 and 2009.  
  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
The chart displays prices alterations for fresh food and vegetables, sugars, and sweet, and carbonat drinks from 1978 to 2009.  
The most noticeable trend is that fresh fruits and vegetables increase over the period. Consumer price index slope slightly until 2009, upon which it rose steadily. Whereas sugar and sweets and carbonat drinks remained relatively stable between 1991 and 2003.  
  
Fresh fruits and vegetables started at just below 60 in 1979. Increasing show obviosly 100 up to 200 only 5 years between 1991 and 1995. From 1995 to 2009 fresh fruits and vegetables dramatically increase almost catch up 350.  
  
From 1991 to 2009 three of price about (sugar and sweets, consumer price index and carbonat drinks) just below 150 stabled. It is started rose above 50 in 2007. All of kind continue to escalate reach 2009. Over the entire period never fell drastically until 2009.  
  
*
The chart displays prices alterations ~~for fresh food and vegetables, sugars, and sweet, and carbonat drinks~~(we call it as shopping listing-please avoid mentioning your notionrespectively) from 1978 to 2009.  
  
... slope slightly until ~~2009,~~ upon which it rose steadily.  
... relatively stable between ~~1991 and 2003.~~ (do not make it specific by mentioning the year but put such detail one in the paragraph 2 or 3)
Hi Terminal!  
  
1. Your summarise is under 150 words, you will get a penalty if doing this. It's better if your words contain 160 - 170 words.  
2. There are many redudancy in your summarise, here the alternative you can use in your summarise  
  
noun :  
decline / incline  
decrease/increase  
drop  
full  
an upward/downward  
growth  
rise  
fluctuation  
jump  
plunge  
rocket  
  
adjective :  
  
dramatic  
gradual  
large  
marked  
minimal  
rapid  
sharp  
significant  
slight  
slow  
small  
steady  
steep  
sudden
Hi, Terminal :)  
  
The ~~chart~~line graph displays the prices alterations for three kinds of food-stuff~~food stuff fresh food and vegetables, sugars...~~ from 1978 to 2009.  
  
The most noticeable trend is that fresh fruits and ... *[too general]*Alternative --> It is noticeable that while the cost of all items saw an upward trend, the figure for fresh fruits and vegetables are the highest over the period.  
  
*It is better to divide your entire writing to several paragraphs or groups. So, the readers can follow it easily.*  
*Besides that, makes certain in which point you will start to explain the figures.  
There are some rambling sentences, particularly related to the time reference.*
Hi there..., thank you for sharing your essay here. Without further ado, let me give some valuable feedback.  
  
It is always good to leave one space every time you write a new paragraph. This makes your writing easy to read. More importantly, you are more likely to control how many words are written in a paragraph.  
  
The chart displays prices alterations for fresh food and vegetables, sugars, and sweet, and carbonat drinks from 1978 to 2009.  
This is a good intro, but it seems that this sentence are very similar to the the original one, and therefore this will deduct your score. I think you'd better switch it into the passive one. Here it is: A clear comparison of how the prices of fresh fruits and vegetables, sugar and sweets, and carbonated drinks change during the period in question is presented in the line graph.  
  
fresh fruits and vegetables increase  
An significant increase was seen in the price of fresh fruits and vegetables  
  
fresh fruits and vegetables dramatically increase almost catch up 350.  
The figure for the price of fresh fruits and vegetables increased dramatically and virtually reached a peak of 350%  
  
I strongly suggest reading sample answers as many as you can. This helps you improve your grammar, vocabulary and ideas related to IELTS essays. Hope this helps :D  
  
A heap of luck
Hello terminal23, i have some suggestions for you.  
  
The chart **displays** ==> (you can paraphrase the word with shows, illustrates, describes, intences) prices alterations for fresh (...), and sweet, *and*as well as carbonat drinks ...  
  
Fresh fruits and vegetables **started at** (you can paraphrase the word with stood at) just below 60 in 1979.  
... fruits and vegetables *dramatically increase* increased dramatically almost catch up 350.  
From 1991 to 2009 three of prices about (sugar and sweets, consumer price index and carbonat drinks) just below 150 stabled.