dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The 277 word count has created a Task 2 essay rather than a Task 1 report presentation. A task 1 essay should have no more than 200 words in it due to the 20 minute writing time. It would take the exam taker at least 40 minutes to complete this essay during an actual test, meaning he would not have any time left to create his task 2 essay. Keep the task 1 essay short. Do not be overly verbose. Stick to the basics of the report and compare or contrast when needed. This essay overdoes that. The policy for task 1 essays will always be "say more with less words" since the report is supposed to be measurement reference intensive.  
  
Provide a complete outline. Indicate the 5 countries, provide the inclusive timeline reference, do not stop at 12 years with only the starting year indicated. Include the end year reference. The summary overview needs to be completed within at least 2 sentences. The information necessary to meet this requirement was not included in this report.
You made some mistakes in your essay. Let me help correct them :  
2nd paragraph, line 2 : ~~remained~~ => remaining  
3rd paragraph , line 2: timescale => add an article in front : the timescale  
4th paragraph, line 2: period=> the period . (You made mistakes referring to articles a lot!)  
4th paragraph, line 3: ~~growed~~ => grew (be careful with irregular verbs !)  
4th paragraph, line 4: UK => the UK
## The pros and cons of social media

  
  
There is a common belief that social platforms appear to exert a detrimental effect on direct interactions between people. In this answer, I will discuss both the merits and demerits before showing why I believe the disadvantages might surpass the good points.  
  
On the one hand, it is undeniable that social media bring about significant advantages to some extent. One of the most compelling ones is that it promotes connectivity between people despite locations and races. As social media involves people from a diverse of ethnics, nations, skin colors through a single platform, it helps the unification of the society as a whole, thus creating a sense of oneness and belonging. Another point to consider is the fact that social media keeps users updated with international and local events as these people are having access to a huge source of instant news and information, resulting in wider understanding of global phenomena.  
  
On the other hand, social media can have a number of drawbacks to users, overshadowing the abovementioned benefits. One argument is that these platforms can be a hindrance in the way of social-emotional expressions. This is because everything have been limited to textual contents with no personal and emotional feelings coveyed, thus leading to confusion and misunderstandng. Furthermore, social media may obstruct face-to-face interactions when most users have relied on state-of-the-art platforms, which is much more handy, for daily conversation. This situation, as a result, might prevent people from developing strong relationship.  
  
In conclusion, there are a number of pros of social media including better connectivity and accessing to a useful source of newly updated information, but they can be eclipsed by the glaring cons related to lack of emotional expressions and unavoidable conflicts. It might depend on users to take advantage of such a modern tool and limit the unfavorable outcomes.
The student has to respond to the direct question "Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?" within his opinion response instead of merely saying that he will be writing a comparison essay before presenting his own opinion. This response does not establish a clear opinion on the topic as required of the TA score. It is an empty statement that will not be given a score other than 0 because it does not answer the question. The writer is not being asked what he will be writing about, he is being asked what his opinion is of the given topic. Fail to answer that and the paragraph has failed to meet the task requirements for proper scoring.  
  
As for the discussion presentation, the content is also incorrect. The writer should not be presenting one pro and one con paragraph. Rather, both paragraphs need to show how his personal opinion is the appropriate one to believe in this case. For example, if he believes that the disadvantages are far more numerous than the advantages then he must portray one specific advantage in each paragraph as a disadvantage to prove his point. The format is:  
  
Advantage  
Why it is an advantage  
Why it is a disadvantage  
Supporting reasons / explanations  
Example (optional)  
  
When presented over 2 paragraphs using this discussion method, the given prompt discussion format will be properly met. As of now, the writer has failed to properly represent the task requirements.
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
Some people argue that the youth should be acted in a similar way as mature people when they commit an offense. In my opinion, I completely disagree with this view.  
  
On the one hand, the natural health of adolescents is inferior to that of adults. The reason is that their bodies are not wholly developed biologically as well as having to eat meals without essential nutrients in prison, which leads to a lack of sources of nourishment for the normal development of individuals. Moreover, when teenagers have to work at the same intensity as adults making them disabled. As a result, the young suffer from illness, emaciation, and even death. Thus, equal punishment has proven its harmful effects and changed the natural growth of a person.  
  
On the other hand, the mind and mental health of immature people is not fully grown. In other words, they are not capable of being aware of their own behavior and the consequence of their own acts. This is the reason why all countries have a special court for young offenders called juvenile court. Furthermore, in sessions of this court where parents or legal guardians of teenagers who take part in illegal acts ought to present. Hence, there are different convictions that are utilized depending on the level of the cognitive process of statutory age.  
  
In conclusion, although many people think that criminals of all age groups should be treated in an identical manner, I personally disagree with this statement due to the difference in physical and mental completion between adults and adolescents.
This essay will only be partially scored due to the reasoning error of the writer. Since this is an extent essay, the discussion approach must be based on the reasons that support the writer's opinion alone. He has to convince the reader of the extent by which his reasoning is correct when it comes to this discussion. That means, he must approach the essay in a debate format that is indicative of why the extent of the public opinion is incorrect. He has to present an opposing side, then explain why that is wrong. For example he could say:  
  
*While I do agree that... I have to strongly disagree when they say that this is the only way to treat juvenile crime. Another way of dealing with the crime is by...  
  
Although there is sense to the reason that... I heavily oppose this because...*  
  
See the difference? There is a clear measured response that shows the clear weakness of the other discussion. So the writer's opinion needs to clearly state this by saying:  
  
*I am completely opposed to this view due to the reasons that include (1) and (2).*  
  
By explaining the short form reasons in a measured response format, the writer will create a wholly supportive single point of view essay that adheres to his personal reasoning. In this case, only the reason that supports the opinion will get a score so the essay might fail the test due to lack of reasoning development. He cannot oppose his own opinion in the presentation by giving reasons as to why both reasons could be correct. Only the correctness of his measured opinion is what matters here.
The given line graph illustrates how many students in Vietnam taking part in the different three countries, namely France, Russia, and America over 15 years, starting from 2000.  
  
Overall, it is clear that the quantities of France and America saw an increase over the period shown, while the opposite was true for Russia. Also, over the first five years, those for France were the highest. But, after that, Vietnamese students studying in America took the lead.  
  
In 2000, nearly 3.5 million students in Vietnam who applied to France, higher than those for Russia and America, at 3.0 and around 1.5 million respectively. Five years later, America witnessed a significant increase of 500 thousand in the number of students in Vietnam. On the contrary, there was a decrease of approximately 1 million in applying to Russia and France.  
  
From the year 2010 onwards, the number of Vietnamese students attending school rose in all three nations. In 2010, the data of France remained constant at roughly 2.5 million before increasing to just over 4.5 million in 2015. In contrast, that in America grew continually and reached a peak of 5 million in 2015. While Russia witnessed a continual drop until 2010, and then this number rose slightly to 2.5 million at the end of the period.  
  
*
2 things immediately seen as incorrect in this presentation:  
- the word count is almost 250 words when the requirement is 150-200 words only (due to time limitations)  
- The 3 paragraph essay was stretched to 4 paragraphs. 4 paragraphs are required only for 2 or more image comparisons  
  
There is no proper summary overview presented. In its place is a run-on sentence which does not have a proper information dissemination focus. Each of the information provided in the long sentence should have a stand alone presentation piece to meet the C+C requirements of the paragraph.  
  
The trending statement is not presented as such. The writer created a reporting paragraph rather than a trending paragraph based on the writing he used for the presentation. Therefore, the presentation is incomplete in terms of formatting. Merely using the word "overall" does not create a trending sentence / statement. The presentation needs to focus on only 1 common trend among the countries provided.
Can you guys comment on my post, score it out of 9 based on IELTS task 2 criteria? Hope my final score will be good ^^~  
  
**[b]Topic : When designing a building, the function is normally more important than the outward appearance. Do you agree or disagree with this idea?**  
  
[i][b]And here's my essay, thanks for reading it.  
  
In this day and age, individuals maintain that the key to a well-constructed building lies in its intentional utility instead of its exterior appearance. Viewing from a pragmatic lens, I totally agree with the aforementioned point of view.  
  
In fact, intended usage is a prerequisite factor in a functional structure. Apparently, each building has its own purpose and particular design to serve them. For this reason, buckling down to the utilities is of paramount importance. Take the construction of a school as an example. When designing it, the architect will meet the requirements regarding study rooms, large parking spaces, and other necessities for people with disabilities. The benefits of this allocation will be manifested in the joy of students and teachers when attending schools as well as an improvement in educational quality. Additionally, when people decide to visit a building, they often aim at what it offers inside in lieu of the external attraction. At this point in time, the intentional utility of the assets must be prioritized.  
  
Although palatial structure may appear attractive to bystanders at first glance, what it fails to consider is the exorbitant decorating cost and being less utilitarian. Apparently, there is no rationale for wasting money on a building that serves no purpose, let alone decorating it. To elucidate, a functional house satisfying our needs will be more pragmatic than a colorful painted wall, as the outward attraction cannot compensate for the amenities lacking in that estate. Moreover, since trends come and go, the perception of aesthetics will change over time. For this reason, well-decorated architecture of this time will soon be outdated. To demonstrate, wood paneling was fabulous in the 1970s, and to this day, houses are rarely structured like this. In this point of fact, function is the imperative aspect in constructing buildings, as the need for convenience is eternal.  
  
To reiterate, how the estate works is critical for utilization, as it will dictate the usefulness of that structure.
The presentation is a bit too long at 326 words. Remember the 40 minute limitation within which the writer still has to review, rewrite, and finalize the content of the essay, Focusing unnecessarily on a long discussion wherein the primary focus of the writer is on the lexical resource score, which is not one of the primary scoring considerations creates this essay of dictionary based words, but lacking in presentation clarity. The examiner is looking for conversational use of everyday English words. He is not looking for an essay that will require him to pull out a dictionary to refer to because of the use of archaic words. The essay needs to be written in a manner that is understandable to people of all ages, not historical English vocabulary experts. While the writer does present a valid argument, his use of vocabulary lessens the impact of the presentation. He set out to impress based solely on vocabulary instead of the heavier scoring aspects of the rubic.
***## TOPIC:

 It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives  
## Do you think that the advantages of taking risks outweigh the advantages ?***  
  
Whether people should step out of their safe zone and accept new challenges is a controversial topic in today's world. Although there are several disadvantages of taking risks, it may bring some benefits.  
  
On the one hand, people may face some difficulties if they accept the risks both in their personal and professional lives. The primary drawback is that it will be unstable. To be more specific, accepting the risks means that there might be a failure if your plan does not work well. Furthermore, it may be a catastrophic failure, and you might lose all of your previous efforts. When this scene happens, people who suffer can feel depressed or even embarrassed in front of their friends and their families. They might be ashamed of themselves and lose their motivation to take risks. Consequently, they will follow the traditional way in the future at all times, which cannot create any breakthrough.  
  
On the other hand, the process of trying, and preparing for this new adventure can be extremely valuable. Despite sacrificing time and effort, you can learn many useful skills such as personal management skills, and problem-solving skills. Subsequently, you can see these skills in the future as you can learn to form your mistakes. Additionally, life without risk with some people seems to be boring. By accepting new challenges, people can experience other aspects of their life and try the feel of taking risks. They will feel their lives more intriguing and confident. Finally, if their efforts bring them success, there will be their remarkable achievements which will bring them what they wish. For instance, a worker who wants to earn more money will do his own business. If he fails, these will be valuable lessons for him to do next time. If he succeeds, he might become wealthy and can afford whatever he wants.  
  
In conclusion, despite having some drawbacks, taking risks and accepting new challenges have various advantages. It is recommended that people should consider every factor before accepting the risks but they should not be too coward to do it.  
  
**Could you tell me what band score I may be in, please? Thanks!**
The writer has exaggerated the original topic presentation which has caused a change in the topic foundation. The original presentation indicated an idea or general opinion, the writer's version created a debate. The latter is not the way the discussion was framed by the presentation. Therefore, the prompt restatement is already inaccurate. An additional inaccuracy is the writer's opinion. He does not specify that he is stating his personal opinion. Due to the lack of pronoun usage, the writer indicated a general opinion, rather than a personal thought in the sentence. These mistakes have resulted in the paragraph receiving a failing preliminary assessment score.  
  
Due to the lack of single opinion presentation and, the incorrect discussion format used, this essay cannot receive a passing score. There is no clear single opinion being stated by the writer coming from a personal opinion. Instead, he is trying to convince the reader that both sides of the discussion are correct, which is not the writing instruction for this prompt. He has to choose one opinion and explain why he believes that his opinion is the correct one. Without that convincing aspect, the overall essay has already failed.
## Stokeford 1930-2010

  
  
The two maps illustrate a village in Stokeford before and after it was developed between 1930 and 2010.  
  
Overall, over a period of 80 years, the town experienced a total transformation after the construction of some facilities and more buildings to provide more accommodation for residents.  
  
In 1930, the major part of the town was for agriculture and farming, with a farmland in the west side and another, which was more vast, located in the eastern part of the village, and a bridge to connect two sides of the River Stoke. There was a primary school in the center of the village, with a post office, some to the south of the school.  
  
Following construction, in 2030, the bridge and the post office remained the same as part of the development, the school was also retained, but expanded with two buildings for more students.  
  
The most noticeable change was that both farmland on either side of the village and the shops were demolished, replaced by housing areas in order to make more places for individuals. Further developments were in the south side of the town, the gardens made way for a house for retired people.
The summary overview does not meet the formatting requirement for the task. A summary overview should have at least 2-3 sentences in it to show that the writer actually found all of the important information for quick presentation in the paragraph. Do this in no more than 5 sentences.  
  
The trending paragraph, along with other paragraphs in the essay are not GRA compliant since these are mostly composed of long sentences known as run-ons. The student must understand that the paragraphs require 3-5 sentences to satisfy the academic / professional presentation format / requirement of the essay. Each sentence must contain a single, specific thought or information presentation that will be connected in some theme focused manner to the rest of the individual information in the paragraph.  
  
Review tense usage and practice using the correct tenses. The writer needs to pay attention to this since he wrote future tense information for this essay incorrectly. The clue as to the tense usage for this paragraph is in the year it describes, the future.
## The proportion of male and female students studying six art-related subjects at a UK

  
  
The bar chart demonstrates the gender ratio of art-related subjects of the educational institution in 2011. It is appreciable that girls more likely enrolled in artistic areas than boys.  
  
The English language and literature is the most demanding subject by the male students among artistic areas, and there is corresponding result in girls. In most cases, the gap between gender equity in each class is just under the 50 students, which girls ratio is higher than boys. The most unbalanced ratio is in Philosophy class, enrollment of the girls triple the boys. Art and Design is the only one subject that shows opposite gender ratio among others, in which men's proportion is roughly higher by 25 students. Other classes, such as communication and media study, linguistic shows same quantity by opposite, which girls overwhelmed than boys.  
  
*
The essay falls short of the minimum word count at 136 words. A situation that was perhaps caused by the briefness of the summary overview. That paragraph may have 2 sentences in it, but it delivers incomplete information as it only provides the subject and trending statement. Missing from the paragraph is the summary of information highlights as can be found in the bar graph.  
  
Another reason for the failure to meet the word formatting requirements is that there are only 2 paragraphs in what should be a 3 paragraph, 5 sentence essay. The existing paragraph utilizes too much run-on sentence presentations and does not use a variety of punctuation marks other than a period and a comma, resulting in a paragraph that is difficult to remember and understand. There needs to be a more proper comparison presentation used to provide the 3 paragraph requirement.
## Information technology and changing world

  
  
**Task 2**  
*You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.  
Write about the following topic:*  
*Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace (e.g. at home, when travelling, etc.).  
Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?  
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  
Write at least 250 words.*  
  
As the world is changing day by day, information technology really changes how people do their work from inside a workplace like an office or a school to literally everywhere that has an internet connection. Although its still require you to have a computer or a phone, you can still doing your jobs while going out with your friends or at a coffee shop with more freedom and change of work places.  
  
On one hand, working too much from a computer or a phone may cause you some eye problems such as near-sightedness or dry eyes. Looking too long on a blue screen makes your eyes really work and may cause Computer Vision Syndrome, a common syndrome in office staff or people who work with computers a lot. Also, sitting in front of a computer for too long might cause diseases related to not working enough like hemorrhoids,etc...  
  
However, working with a computer may cause some health problems. It also has a lot of advantages. The first advantage has to be the convenience, you can carry your work anywhere, you don't even have to be in the same country but can still work from far away. For instance, in the covid lock down, we can still work or study from home without having to go out and face the risk of getting infected.  
  
In conclusion, although using gadgets may cause you some health problems, as long as you can control it and not look at the screen for too long, information technology really gives humans the ability to work from wherever they are. I believe that it definitely outweighs the drawbacks of problems with health.