dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
The complete prompt for this essay indicates that requires a clear degree of dis/agreement with the given topic. As such, your introduction paragraph does not clearly indicate a response to the thesis statement. You cannot simply "be convinced". Rather, you have to indicate if you totally or partially agree with the given statement. That means the response should have been and emotional response such as "I totally dis/agree", "I partially dis/agree", "I strongly dis/agree" and the like. You will actually receive a mark down in the Task Achievement section of the scoring because of the lack of proper response to the prompt. Don't save the actual response for the conclusion. Your actual response creates the thesis statement for your essay. The conclusion is only used as a summary for the content of the overall essay response. There are vocabulary mark downs in store for you for misusing words such as the wild world web instead of the World Wide Web. There are also several other problems that directly affect your score. Which I believe would fall around the 5 band overall.
## In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry

  
  
Despite the fact that over the last century, farming methods and yields have improved dramatically, millions of people still do not have enough food to eat. There are myriads of reasons why starvation is happened among some countries which famine and harsh weather conditions are two of the major ones.  
  
Hunger or lack of food affects only the weak. Whether or not they cultivate their food, the rich must make sure they have got enough on their plate. The weak neglect this purchasing power, unfortunately. They cannot have access to it, if food is not made available at concessional rate. Poor people do not own any property, most of the time. They are therefore unable to grow their own food. They have to buy their food and they cannot get their fill as food prices increase.  
  
Climate change also causes starvation. In some countries, severe drought like conditions continue. For instance, it has not rained in years in some parts of Africa. People living in these areas are therefore unable to cultivate their crops. They rely on food grown in other region, and if that is not available, they will have to go hungry. Perhaps contributing to this issue are political reasons. Many countries are refusing to share with other countries their water resources. This is often exacerbated by the enmity between these nations. Sadly, in those counties that do not have adequate water supplies on their own, this activity affects food security.  
  
Governments need to ensure that food is available to the poor free of charge or at concessional rates to solve this problem. Rich food-growing countries should demonstrate the magnanimity of sharing their surplus with poor countries that do not have enough food to feed their people. International organizations may play an important role in ensuring that nations share with those who need in their wealth and resources.  
  
In conclusions, even in the 21st century, hunger continues to haunt millions of people. This is often exacerbated by the unequal distribution of wealth and resources. Rich countries and rich people can do a lot to make sure the poor have access to be basic necessity such as food as well.
I am not sure if you posted this as an English writing exercise or as a response to an English test prompt. If it is for an English test, please remember to post the prompt next time to receive a full review of your work and writing abilities. Now, let me deal with the errors in your writing. When you use the word "is", the next action must be in present tense or future tense. It cannot be used to refer to something that has happened in the past, as in past tense ( is happened = is happening). Do not use the term "weak" when you are referring to the state of a person's finances or status in life. The more appropriate term would have been "poor" or "financially challenged". Properties cannot be used to refer to agricultural land either as the term is a blanket reference to anything a person owns. You need to be specific in your references when discussing a particular topic. Be concise, be clear, use the correct reference words. That said, I got the point of what you were trying to say in the essay just the same. You did not not come across clearly in most instances but I managed to figure it out based on the supporting sentences in every paragraph.
## describing a line graph

  
  
The line graph gives information about the percentage of regional household recycling rates in UK, France and Germany from 2005 to 2015. Overall, it can be seen that UK and Germany experienced a dramatic increase, while France fell noticeably.  
  
In the beginning, France stood at the highest position compared by the other countries at about 50%. Furthermore, the graph witnessed a plunge in the next 7 years and hit a low level at 30%. However, the figure climbed significantly and peaked at 40% in the last period.  
  
The rates of household recycling in UK and Germany shared the same pattern. In 2005, the former stood second about 35%, but in the last period it reached the highest percentage of household recycling rates at little more than 60% and changed France position. The latter revealed the steady rise throughout the period. Even though, in the first year the latter stood at the lowest rank about 20% it peaked the second rank at little less than 60%.  
  
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I can tell that you understood the graph; however, you have a few grammatical errors.  
  
"Furthermore, the graph witnessed a plunge": Since a graph is not sentient, it is considered awkward to use "witnessed" in this context, or any action verb, for that matter.  
  
"Furthermore, **France** witnessed a plunge": possible alternative  
  
"In 2005 the former stood **at** around 35%.: Don't forget to add "at"  
  
... about 35%, but in the last period it reached the highest percentage of ... : This is a bit of a run-on sentence. I would make the second clause (", but ...") its own sentence. --> "**However,** in the last period..."  
  
"changed France position": a little awkward and grammatically incorrect  
"**switched positions with** France": possible alternative  
  
"Even though~~,~~ in the first ...t rank **at** about 20%**,** it peaked **at** the second ...: Just little things.  
  
Overall, great job!
Try to write at least 3 sentences for every paragraph. That way you increase the word count and your chance at increasing your vocabulary and coherence score. Avoid using words that connote uncertainty in this essay. If you review the graph very well, you will see that you did not have to say "about 50%" because the graph was right on the 50% mark. The word "about" indicated uncertainty when the data presented was accurate in the graph. Since the graph has specific years indicated, you should use the years indicated rather than again, going for the uncertain word presentation of "seven years". This task is all about the accuracy of your data presentation. Don't take shortcuts. Make sure to summarize the report accurately at all times.
## Are computers the most important invention of the last century?

  
  
A number of inventions in the last century make our life more convenient than ever before that people consider computers to be the most important breakthrough. I completely agree with that argument, especially in the modern world like nowadays that computers not only do help us in working, it also gives us a huge amount of knowledge in almost every field.  
  
People used to spend most of their time only for analysing statistics and information themselves without any help from technology that we only need 10 minutes to finish something like that nowadays. Therefore, computer inventions have a key role in people's working, especially with the more development in the design and stucture that make it even easier for people to bring along.  
  
Recently, the internet makes a breakthrough in our style of communicating, working, even the way we do shopping. Today we can communicate with our friends and family via the internet using a computer. It is now a well- functioning device that we are able to keep in touch with people and expand our relationship. the way we do shopping also change thanks to online commercial development. Finally, in working environments, we can organise only meeting that connect manager board from any countries that we want.  
  
In conclusion, in terms of beneficial that we can get from the invention of computer I have aldready showed above in this essay, we can claim that this is the most important creation contributing to human development.
Well, you certainly made your opinion clear in the essay, even with the problematic grammar and sentence presentations. You made valid points but had problems in your written presentation. You have several spelling errors that you failed to correct because you did not review and edit your essay before submission. Spelling mistakes count towards points deductions. There is a problem with the conciseness of your word choices. That means you need to learn to express yourself using fewer, more applicable words in your sentences and paragraphs. This can only be done if you can manage to build your English vocabulary based on proper word usage. Practice developing simple English sentences aside from practicing to write your essay responses.
## Statistical description based upon the graph and chart

  
  
The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.  
  
The presented bar chart compares between Australian men and women in terms of their regular physical activity in 2010.the data was segmented into six age groups.  
  
Overall, it is clear that the percentage of women doing physical activities is mostly higher than the percentage of men in all ages groups except the one from 15 to 24 in which men outperform women with 5%.  
  
The proportion of women doing physical activities in age from 35 to 46 is nearly steady at 53% while those in ages of 15 to 24 and 65 and over almost shared the same percentage 47%.  
  
Men in ages brackets between 15 to 24 registered the higher percentage at almost 53% in performing physical activities. While men in the ages from 35 to 44 had the lowest proportion at\ 39.5%. men and women aged from 65 and over had a similar percentage in performing regular physical activities which is nearly 47%.  
  
Words(155)  
  
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Hi Rwannajjar  
  
I appreciate the quality of your writing as a whole, you did an excellent job in terms of providing detailed data in the chart, as well as making comparison where relevant. I want to give some advice mostly on improving the use of prepositions and paraphrasing words in the graph  
  
... except **FOR** the one from ... women **BY**5%.  
  
The age group of 65 and above can be paraphrased as the **elderly population**  
  
... registered ~~the~~ **A** higher percentage ...  
  
The phrase "regular physical activity" can be paraphrased as "regular exercises"
The summary paragraph is missing a trending statement at the end. The summary paragraph is the first paragraph of this task essay. The essay must be written in paragraph form. Even if you meet the word requirement with single sentence presentations, that will drag your score down because you are not presenting fully developed paragraphs based on an analysis of the bar chart. You have to do proper comparisons based on related information in every paragraph. Please remember that you should avoid writing run-on sentences in order to improve your cohesiveness score. Make sure to use periods to separate information instead of the word "and" or commas because those will result in long sentences. That is also the main reason why you did not meet the paragraph sentence requirement for the essay.
## australian export to 4 countries

  
  
The line graph compares the proportion of export from Australia to 4 other nations between 1990 to 2012.  
  
Overall, the percentage of send-out goods to Japan and US decreased over the period of 22 years. On the other hand, the trend in both China and India was completely different, expecially in China, which rose dramatically over the years.  
  
Over 2 decades, the figures for both Japan and US saw similar trend in term of a general decline, the proportion of Japan was higher than that of US. In the 1990 - 2000 period, the percentage of export in both Japan dropped sharply from over 27% to 17%. Meanwhile the figure of US fluctuated over the period. Throughout the remainder of the period, there was a gradual decline in the percentage of export in both counties, which fell to 2% and 8% in Japan and US in turn.  
  
Between these years, the percantange of exports varied more significantly in 2 remaining countries. In the 1990 - 2000 period, the proportion of export in China and India rose gradually to 3% and 1% in turn. The 2000 - 2012 period saw a rapid rise of export in China, up to 30% in 2012. Meanwhile the propotion of export to India fluctated and only reached 7% in 2012.  
  
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The introduction paragraph is incomplete. Since this is a summary of the graph information, it should contain a list of all 5 countries, not just Australia. You cannot take the title of the chart and use that as your opening sentence. The opening sentence needs to present the information presented, listing of countries, type of measurement used, and trending statement. The trending statement should be a summary of the trends in the graph. It should not contain several trending sentences as you mistakenly presented. You also used complex sentences, creating run-on presentations when simple presentations should have been used. Remember, a period works better than a comma when writing several separate but related information. You just need to format the sentence presentation properly.
(This essay doesn't require a title)  
  
Prompt:  
*## Tell us about who you are.

  
**How would your family, friends, and/or members of your community describe you? If possible, please include something about yourself that you are most proud of and why.** (maximum 250 words)*  
  
I was the quixotic type as a child. My dream career changed from time to time, from an illustrator, to a physician, a physicist, then a NASA astronaut; only to name a few. I was driven by the desire to emulate the individuals I saw on televisions; those who have sparked innovative ideas and made an impact on the world.  
  
Now, as a young adult with my own proclivity, my enthusiasm shifted towards psychology, astronomy and chemistry-- fields that never fails to pique my curiosity. However, I still faced the dilemma of choosing a specific field to study in college. Balancing academic achievements, capability and interests, I decided to pursue chemical engineering, the course that ticked all the boxes, and more importantly: suited my inquisitive personality.  
  
I was born into a devout Muslim family when my parents were both in their early forties. As the last child with five much older siblings and mature parents, I was raised surrounded by those who instilled moral virtues within me since a very young age. And perhaps due to that, friends would describe me as someone who lives by her own values and principles, as I am not shy to stay true to myself even if it means being the odd one out among my peers. Nevertheless, I also cherish different opinions and insights that provoke thought as I see differences as a tool that encourages growth. That being said, I regard these qualities as something I am genuinely proud to possess.  
  
**Please comment on my content and structure. I'm trying to submit before 15th Jan so I would highly appreciate your immediate help. Thanks in advance!**
Only the last part of this essay requires your personal point of view. You should only speak from the first person perspective regarding what you are most proud of and why. The rest of the essay should be from the second person point of view. A specific point of view that your parents have about you as their child and your academic performance would be good to indicate. Your friends should say something about your personality and maybe a sport or extra curricular activity that you participate in with them. The community can be from the point of view of a neighbor you spend time helping or hanging out with. Revise the presentation as per the aforementioned guidelines so that the essay can meet the prompt requirements.
... a NASA astronaut; ~~only to name a few~~.  
... that never fail ~~s~~ to ...  
... specific field to study ~~in college~~. ... achievements, **capabilities** and interests, ... importantly, ~~:~~ suited my ...  
... true to their  ~~lives by her~~ own values and principles; ~~, as~~  I am not shy ...  
... provoking insights ~~that provoke thought~~ , as I see ...  
  
I fixed a few grammar mistakes. Aside from that your essay seemed very disjointed. First you talk about your own academic interest and challenges then suddenly go on to talk about you family background and personal beliefs without tying it to the first paragraph; It kinda sounded like two different thought trains. I think you could fix this by moving the second paragraph to the beginning and talk about how your instilled moral convictions have given you a strong desire to be an influence like the people on television.  
  
Frankly, I'd cut out the part about your academic interests(there is another essay question specific to academic interests) and just focus building the first and second paragraphs more. other than that the writing was good, just needs to be more fleshed out. Hope this helps and good luck!
Hello! Please give me some advice to improve my expression. I want to know whether am I express my thought in authentic real English or not and how to correctmy defect. Thanks a lot.  
  
## The chart and graph summary

  
  
TOPIC:  
The chart below shows three different crimes and the number of cases committed between 1970 and 2005 in England and Wales. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.  
  
The line graph presents information about three kinds of crimes and the quantity of cases committed between 1970 and 2005 in England and Wales.  
  
The major form of crime was car theft throughout the period, except in 1980 replaced by house burgling. There was a gradually increase from 0.4 million in 1970 in car theft. After peaking at 1.6 million in 1995, it considerably declined to 1 million in 2005. As rapid growing from 1970, house burgling peaked at 0.9 million in 1980. For the first time, it became the major form of crime. Then there was a downward trend, declining to 0.5 million in 2005, although it rebound slightly between 1985 and 1995.  
  
35 years witnessed climbed Street robbery at 0.1 million from 1970, reaching its peak at 0.4 million. The number of street robbery was only less than that of house burgling by 20% in 2005. In 2005, the number of car theft was largest (1 million), followed by house burgling (0.5 million) and street robbery (0.4 million).  
  
Overall, during 35 years the number of all types of crime increased in different rate. Car theft was still the most serious problem among the three various crimes. Although the number of street robbery always was least, it continuously rise in last decade.  
  
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The first paragraph is the summary of the information presented. It should have at between 3-5 sentences in its presentation in order to be considered a complete and informative paragraph. You should have summarized what information was presented in the chart, inclusive years, and types of crimes in the later part of the paragraph. While the sentence structure is problematic and word usage was often incorrect, you managed to make yourself understood in your presentation. Overall, the essay should get a passing score at the very least because of the way that you managed to present the information in an understandable manner. You are not near being considered a native speaker but I would say that you would qualify as an intermediate English speaker at this point.
Since you are given a line graph with numerical/time information, you can show that you know how to describe numerical/time information in English using words/phrases that show quantity (like larger/largest, smaller/smallest, least, most, more, greater than, less, less than, equal, same, common, exceed, surpass, increase/increased, decrease/decreased, etc.) and time (during, initial/initially, origin/originally, after, before, gradual, finally, began, ended, etc). I focused on a few sentences in the second paragraph.  
  
In the second paragraph (first sentence), the word **major** sounds a bit odd to describe a quantity. Instead, I would use **most popular** or **most common**. In the same sentence, instead of the word **replaced**, you could use **exceeded** or **surpassed**. I would phrase it:  
  
*The most popular form of crime between 1970 and 2005 was car theft, except in 1980, during which the number of house burgling cases surpassed the number of car theft cases.*  
  
In the second paragraph (second sentence), **gradually** is an adverb (modifies a verb) while **gradual** would be the corresponding adjective (modifies a noun).  
Here are two ways you could rephrase it:  
  
*After 1970, there was a gradual increase in car theft, which had occurred 0.4 million times already.*  
*Car theft gradually increased after 1970, during which it occurred 0.4 million times.*  
  
In the second paragraph (fourth sentence), you need to mention what is rapidly growing in the dependent clause (the part of the sentence before the comma), even though you clarify that you are talking about house burgling in the independent clause (the part of the sentence after the comma). **Rapidly** is an adverb (modifies a verb), while **rapid** is the corresponding adjective (modifies a noun). Here are some ways you could rephrase it:  
  
*While the number of house burgling cases rapidly grew after 1970, house burgling peaked at 0.9 million cases in 1980.*  
*House burgling rapidly increased after 1970, and it peaked at 0.9 million cases in 1980.*  
*Rapidly increasing after 1970, house burgling peaked at 0.9 million cases in 1980.* (This is an exception, where you do not have to mention what is rapidly increasing in the dependent clause because it is implied by the structure of the sentence. See this link: opentextbooks.org.hk/ditatopic/4535)
Hi, the following is my essay on IELTS Writing Task 1.  
  
## canadian graduates statistics

  
  
The graph presents the number of graduate in a university in Canada in fifteen years, from 1992 to 2007. Generally, the amounts of female and male graduates both rose in the past fifteen years, and female graduates had been more than male graduates during the period of time.  
  
The number of female graduates in 1992 was near 100000 while the number of male graduates in 1992 was a little more than 70000. In 2007, there were around 150000 female graduates which was 50000 more than female graduates in 1992. On the other hand, the number of male graduates only increased less than 30000, meaning less than 100000 in total in 2007. The number of both female and male graduates dropped in 1997 to 1999, but the total number were still higher than the number in 1992.  
  
Female graduates was more than male graduates throughout the fifteen years, and the gap was becoming larger. In 1992, female graduates was 30000 more than male graduates, 100000 and 70000 respectively; however, in 2007, female graduates was 150000 and male graduates was 100000, indicating the latter was 50000 less than the former.  
  
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