dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Feng Shui does not have anything to do with the history of the house or building. Feng Shui refers to the location of the residence. Feng Shui experts are not involved in the history of the place. This line of reasoning is incorrect in terms of considerations for the discussion. It is not related to the reasons why people would want to know the history of their home. The writer has provided a non-scorable paragraph here. Scores will be applied to the remaining 3 paragraphs that relate to the other aspects of the scoring and discussion instructions. The score provided will reflect that lack of proper discussion development on the writer's part. Will it be passing? That is unlikely.  
  
Pay attention to word spacing. There should always be a space between the period and the start of the next sentence. Proofreading is also required due to spelling errors that were left uncorrected in the essay. Review word capitalization rules as well. A capital letter, unless referring to a noun, should not be used after a comma.
## reasons for adults to study

  
  
The bar chart illustrates why adults study among 7 causes (interest in subject, to gain qualifications, helpful for current job, to improve prospects of promotion, enjoy learning/studying, to able to change jobs and to meet people) and the pie chart gives an idea on how adults think the money should be spent on education within employer, individual and taxpayer as percentages.  
  
Overall most adults want to study because of the interest in subject whereas least percentage of adults choose to study with the intention to meet people. Regarding the cost in adult education, highest percentage of people think the individual should be accounted for most.  
  
The highest percentage of adults which is 40% study due to the interest in subject while the only 9% choose to study to meet people. The second most popular reason to study is to gain qualifications that accounts for 38% and 22% of adults study because it is helpful for current job. Same amount of adults percentages (20%) study to improve prospectus of promotion and to enjoy learning while only 12% think the study gives a reason for the ability to change jobs.  
  
The people participated on the survey think the 40% cost for education should be managed by the individual whereas, the rest should be shared among taxpayers and employers (25% and 35% respectively)
There is a slight eror in the way the pie chart is described in the summary overview. The pie chart indicates the idea regarding how the expenses for studies should be shared or shouldered by participants in the educational process. It is divided among the participants in terms of percentage to the shouldered. The trendign statement properly addresses connected considerations in every sentence. There is a clear demarcation between the reasons for study and division of expense. There is however, a problem with the discussion of each image in the report.  
  
While the line graph indicators are well presented in the paragraph, the pie chart is the least developed even though it has enough information to warrant a complete presentation. The pie chart must be as well developed in the presentation so maybe, the writer should consider a better idea division per sentence to meet this requirement. It is something that will help show a thorough analysis and comparison consideration in the discussion, boosting the overall score in the process.
## Some universities now offer their courses on the Internet so that people can study online

  
  
In recent years, some higher education institutions have provided access to online courses for people. Despite some obvious benefits, this is overall an undesirable development.  
  
On the one hand, distance learning can be beneficial in some cases. First of all, this education form is extremely convenient. This is because when taking online courses, the students can study at home over their phones or computer without commuting to their university. It is, therefore, an optimal option for the learners since they not only can save money for traveling expenses but also avoid the risks of being exposed to the contagious virus in the context of the global pandemic. Additionally, students of these online classes can study at their own pace because they can replay the lessons as many as they want. Besides that, the availability of lectures on the internet can make high-quality curriculum from prestigious universities accessible to the students at their convenience.  
  
On the other hand, there are hosts of compelling reasons why learning online brings with it many disadvantages. For one, online classes can reduce learning and teaching proficiency. In fact, teachers usually find it hard to organize the class because they lack real interaction with their students. In other words, the deficiency of teachers' involvement could cause the decline of students' discipline. As a result, students possibly cut class or cheat in the exams without supervision. Additionally, from the perspective of the learners, they can not fully concentrate on the lectures when they study at home and become surrounded by unwanted distractions such as noise or the temptation of the internet.  
  
In conclusion, while it is irrefutable that online education has several benefits, I would contend that this is indeed a negative tendency.
When responding to a positive or negative development prompt, the writer should take care to ensure that his opinion is strongly supported in the discussion paragraphs. This is done by avoiding a comparison response that gives a good and bad discussion presentation. Rather, the writer should opt to use the perceived postive aspect, as a negative. That means, reversing the belief of the reader based on the actual negative aspect of a positive connotation. This must be done using 2 topics within 2 separate paragraphs. In this case, the writer will only get a score for the second paragraph since that is the paragraph that supports his opinion. Creating an under developed essay due to lacking reasons is one way of failing the test. So avoid that in its entirety, Focus solely on proving your point by disproving a public perception of a positive. Make the positive aspects negative as you would in a debate.
## pros and cons of hosting an international sports event

  
  
People have different views about whether it is beneficial for a country to host an international sports event or not. In my opinion, I think that hosting an international sports event is much more valueable for everybody to entertain and develop their own economies.  
  
There are various reasons why it might be considered as a bad idea to hold global sports activities. Firstly, taking a tremendous cost event can slurge money when its value brings back as not beneficial as it seems. An possible consequence of hosting these events could be that the lives of the people could be disrupted when many residents have to put aside their works to prepare for sports competitions.  
  
In spite of the above arguments, I still support the view that the nations should hold some international activities events. First of all, if countries host some kind of international events, they can attract numerous people from around the world to come to their nations. For example, annual Olympic games in some countries like Japan, China, Brazil,... could attract million people and athletes every stages. Secondly, hosting successful big events brings the honor to their nations and this should result in a thriving economy, more modern infrastructure, a better condition and more friendly environment. At the Olympic games Tokyo 2020, regardless of Covid 19, Japanese goverment made so much effort and finally, they still have had one of the most successful events in history.  
  
In my conclusion, it is a great idea to host an international activities event for the nation.
The writer has taken the incorrect aproach to the discussion. It has been written from a personal opinion aspect without consideration of the original discussion requirements. The writer's disregard for the provided discussion instruction is what could lead to a low scoring, to failing score, for this presentation. The first paragraph restatement should represent the discuss both views and present a personal opinion instruction by providing seperate sentences for the 2 public opinions first, then the personal opinion, last.  
  
In this case, the essay clearly emanates from the personal point of view of the author alone. The wording and reasoning does not represent the public thoughts or exaplantions of the 2 opinions. So the discussion format is definitely not as expected and will therefore, be scored based on only a partially correct response. All scoring sections will be reduced, regardless of the discussion presented because the writing failed to adhere to the indicated discussion format.
Please helps me to check this essay! thanks in advance.  
## ***As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. Do you agree or disagree?***

  
  
THIS IS MY ESSAY:  
Some argued that the public responsibilities of a company would be associated with making money. From my point of view, Having responsibilities socially brings enormous advantages to an enterprise.  
  
Firstly, when taking part in social activities such as women's rights, charity, and fighting for global warming, businesses have a chance to improve customer's perception of their brand. As a result, their sales and fame exceeded their expectations. For example, in July 2021, King Crab - a new swapling startup in Vietnam, had over 400.000 access to their website, after organizing a charity meal for the poor in Ho Chi Minh. Secondly, Companies could attract more talent to work for them. This is because people could see the culture and work environment of an enterprise committing to improve the world and treat all people and the improvement of a company in the long term is secured by people who believe and want to be delicate for them.  
  
In conclusion, it seems to me that when businesses express their social role it would have positive effects on both their growth and people.
This type of presentation will warrant an immediate failing score overall. Specifically in the TA and C+ C sections. The reasons for the failure start with the word count and ends with an incomplete discussion presentation. There is no way this discussion will receive close to a passing score.  
  
The minimum word count is 250, the writer has written only over 100 words. The examiner will apply percentage deductions based on the number of missing words, leading to a failed preliminary TA score. Then, the incorrect discussion fomat will also be given a deduction since the response is unrelated to the task. This is an agree or disagree essay but the exam taker chose to respond based on advantages v. disadvantages. A clear misunderstanding of the instructions provided.  
  
The entire reasoning basis of the essay is based on an incorrect discussion format. Therefore, the examiner will have no choice but to fail the test taker in the end.
**Task 2:  
*Some people believe that the personal information of violent criminals should be made available to the public. Others think that this information should be protected.*  
  
## Discuss both views and give your opinion.**  
  
It is a common belief that concealing criminals' personal information should be mandatory as a national policy to prevent discrimination towards their innocent families. However, I firmly believe that publicize criminals' identity more persuasive as it could protect our community.  
  
To begin with, protecting offenders' personal information helps their families not to be discriminated against and unequally treated in society. In addition, this could highly victimize the criminals' families as people predispose to stay away from relatives who have relationships with them. For instance, research in a British university conducted by prominent professors indicated that a significantly high number of individuals who have relationships with criminals suicided due to stress and strains they endured from the discrimination of their society.  
  
On top of that, many people believe that revealing the identities of criminals publicly encourage people to be aware of the pervasive threats around them. Moreover, making civilians acknowledge notorious criminals' information helps them to stay away from offenders, prepare better plans or self-protect tools and consequently reduce crime cases. For example, research in Vietnam was conducted to observe the changes in the community after a publishment of a government policy which is to require the national media to publicize the criminals' personal information. It pointed a fact that the crime rate has dwindled substantially and most citizens have raised their awareness towards crimes.  
  
In conclusion, it would be a righteous way to keep the offenders' identities secret in order to eradicate the discrimination rate towards innocent people such as their relatives. However, I support the idea that government should make the identities of criminals known publicly due to the unparalleled benefit of protecting their citizens.
The writer has nto understood the discussion instructions. The prompt restatement is incomplete and so are the reasoning paragraphs. There are 2 opinions presented here. There are 2 publicly opposing presentations, both of which need to properly representated in the paraphrase. Otherwise, the prompt restatement cannot be considered an accurate representation of the original. Jumping immediately to the personal opinion means that the discussion paragraphs will be limited to an incomplete discussion as well. By not discussing both public opinions, the writer will be seen as having completed 2 out of 3 discussion requirements. The score provided will also be partial because of the missing discussion paragraph. The overall essay is considered under developed and cannot receive high marks in the TA score because of it. It will limit the passing capacity of the essay.
## Water pollution, causes and effects

  
  
In our contemporary world, water natural sources including rivers, lakes, and seas are seriously polluted. Water pollution is ascribed as a thorny issue of environmental conservation. This essay considers the reasons for water pollution before discussing its influences on animals and humans.  
  
On the one hand, several reasons drive this phenomenon. The primary reason definitely relates to the swift pace of development in general and industrialization in particular. For instance, industrial activities directly discharge hazardous waste into rivers and seas; these substances badly contaminate sources of water. Moreover, overpopulation is another prominent reason resulting in water contamination. In some religions, domestic wastes end their cycles in lakes, rivers, and seas. This is a case in light of the fact that there are tons of trash on land, which could not be decomposed in a short term. These factors have created numerous problems for environmental conservationists.  
  
On the other hand, this environmental dilemma severely affects animal life and human society. First and foremost, toxic substances from wastes are harmful to animals, especially marine creatures and birds which are fed with fish. In fact, humans have recently observed various accidents caused by trash and wastes. Plenty of marine species' death is recorded because they consume plastic and bottles. Water pollution has posed a considerable threat to the marine ecosystem. In addition to animals, water contamination has a significant repercussion on the human community. In such cases, freshwater would be inadequate to meet the daily requirement in the future. Once the marine life is damaged, a sufficient food supply is a thorny issue to deal with.  
  
In conclusion, I emphasize that industrialization and overpopulation are the fundamental factors leading to water pollution. Moreover, if humans are unable to address this problem, it will have a negative impact on marine life and mankind's society.
An immediate prompt alteration can be found in this essay that will have a detrimental effect on its task accuracy score. The original prompt asks for the "effect" of water pollution. The writer changed "effect" to "influence" in her restatement. The word meaning has to be considered in this case as the two words have different meangs when applied to the original topic.  
  
Effect refers to the outcome of a cause (water pollution). Influence refers to the power to affect, control or manipulate something or someone. Since pollution does not have the power to manipulate anything, saying that a discussion will be presented based on its influence is incorrect. Pollution only creates an "effect". Therefore, the writer will not get a passing TA score as the response provided is alternate to the required presentation. It indicates a lack of proper vocabulary knowledge and English understanding skills on the part or the writer. Based on this statement, the reason why the full response presentation does not meet the prescribed discussion requirements. This could definitely pull down the overall score to below passing.
## People are consuming more and more sugar-based drinks. Why?

  
  
It is widely acknowledged that the consumption of soft drinks has witnessed an inexorable rise in recent years. This essay will demonstrate some reasons leading to this tendency before outlining a number of viable solutions to mitigate the situation.  
  
There are two key causes for the rampancy of this trend namely heavy marketing and the availability of this kind of beverage. Firstly, myriad marketing campaigns are the culprits behind the rapid increase of sugar-based brinks. It is evident that the target audience of these advertisements is young children and adolescents, who are more likely to buy these products based on their popularity or attractive color. Therefore, although having known about the latent health risks, youngsters still opt for fizzy drinks as a lifetime habit. Secondly, having a can of added sugar beverage is not difficult for all ages due to the ubiquity of vending machines and retails. Instead of selling drinks with healthy ingredients that would enable a more comprehensive nutritional content, most often offer cheap beverages filled with a huge amount of sugar. These are definitely the factor compounded the circumstance.  
  
In order to address the problem of high consumption of sugary drinks, several actions can be taken. One is that authority figures should raise taxes on the sales of soft drinks, which could reduce the reliance on consuming them. Secondly, vending machines must be removed from public places, discouraging the popularity of soft drinks in schools, parks, and cinemas, where youngsters could find these drinks easily. Finally, health awareness campaigns on media platforms should be universally intensified to help combat the promotion of soft drinks by marketing agencies, including the addition of health warnings on labels.  
  
In conclusion, despite the considerable rise in the consumption of sugary beverages, a number of feasible solutions can be taken to tackle this issue.
In both the opinion statement and summary conclusion, the writer fails to address the reasons for his discussion presentation. Both paragraphs do not have clear thesis statements, which become the basis of the response paragraphs. The reasons must be provided in the opinion statement to establish the thesis statement. Then, it is repeated in the concluding summary to remind the readers of the discussion in short form. Both address a specific aspect of TA scoring.  
  
In the reasoning paragraphs, the numerical order works to keep track of the discussion points. However, it does not provide a "cohesive" discussion because of the lack of proper transition. By using a transition phrase or sentence, the discussion from Point A to Point B shows a clear and direct relationship within the thesis requirements. When that happens, a higher C+C score is granted to the writer.
## Some people believe that the only purpose of films is to entertain

  
  
Nowadays, people hold conflicting views about the functions of films. While some people believe that films are just sources of entertainment, I agree that films should also contain messages to educate watchers.  
  
On the one hand, it is undeniable that the fundamental purpose of films is to entertain audiences. In fact, people want to see movies to relax after a long day coping with the pressure of hustle and bustle life. Due to the exhaustion and stress caused by overloaded duties, people do not have enough energy to continue to work, therefore, they need to recharge the batteries by watching their favourite programs. When watching films, people can be immensely happy or satisfied thanks to the gorgeous visual, catchy sound effects and fascinating content. As a result, people find films as forms of entertainment, which help them not only to feel comfortable at home or in free time but also to discover some new social issue that they have not known before.  
  
On the other hand, I suppose that educational values, including knowledge about nature or humanity are necessary for films. It is true that people are tremendously affected by the content that they watch, so they should learn more about values from films such as morals instead of only being entertained. For example, historical films can enhance people's bravery as well as their patriotism by reviving the countries' wars. On top of adults, films also have an important impact on children, which leads to their development of awareness about the world. If they have chances to get exposure to meaningful films during childhood, they may gain a wider perspective soon.  
  
In conclusion, although movies are mainly produced for entertainment purposes, I concur that they should not be simply for fun, however, must be useful for education.
the restatement + opinion paragraph is incomplete. It does not accurately restate the prompt as the points of view presented are composed of:  
- 1 public opinion  
- 1 personal opinion  
  
The proper response format is actually:  
- 2 public opinions  
- 1 personal opinion  
  
That is because the first paragraph needs to appropriately repsent the original discussion topics, along with a presentation of a personal opinion. Being able to properly present the restatement + opinion indicates an ability to fully understand English instructions, a requirement for any foreign student wishing to study in an English based school.  
  
It is this mistake in instruction understanding that also created the incomplete discussion presentations in the body of the paragraph. While general discussions were presented, the flow was not that of Public v. Personal. It was personal overall, which is not how the discussion should be presented. The public opinion, each one, must be analyzed based on public reasons first, then the personal opinion for each may be provided or, a supporting personal opinion for one of the two may be presented for consideration.