dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## Just give them money

  
  
It is true that international organisation are joining hands in helping developing countries. While some people believe that they should give nations practical support and suggestion, I would argue that it is more beneficial when helpers provide them with money.  
  
Hands- on aid and advice brings about both positive and negative effects. In fact, it is a common way to pass well-accumulated knowledge and experience on to poorer countries of antiquated technology. Vietnam milk manufacturers, for example, have brought their domestic products to Europe, United States, Japan...,which is likely an incredible success, thanks to their application of standard process of feeding cows transferred by FAO- a famous universal association. On the other hand, it is clear that the more advice intercontinental institution provide for the third world, the more depending they become. Authorities will not have any motivation to be creative, hard-working and active to get to the bottom of national problems. In other words, their national destination depends on oversea consultancy; as a result, they are always in the boring circle of poverty regardless of foreign assistance. Furthermore, there are fundamental differences among nations and it turns out to be unsuitable for foreigners to apply their mindset to education incentives or diplomatic process in developing countries.  
  
By receiving money from international aid, the third world countries could easily utilize their own comparative advantages to gain economic success, which is the root of stable progress in any countries. Firstly, government are able to spend money building infrastructure, such as transport system, port facilities,... in order to attract more foreign investment. Secondly, if companies there are accessible to low interest of rate from the universal bank, they will take advantage of low-cost labor force, cheap raw material available in host countries to reduce manufacturing cost. Therefore, they might compete well with the challenging world market and make a great contribution to the economic prosperity. It is undeniable that financial help gives firm more and more chances to be successful in the long-term.  
  
To sum up, I believe that it is more advantageous for developing countries to receive money than practical aid and suggestion.
Nguyen, please provide the complete prompt requirement every time you post your essay for review. The prompt requirement helps us to identify the points for analysis within your essay. I am able to do this without the prompt because of my familiarity with the exam questions. However, the others who are not familiar with the question but want to help you will be unable to do so. The prompt requirement is for their benefit.  
  
Now, as far as the this essay is concerned, the actual requirement is for you to do a comparison analysis of the advantages and disadvantages of giving international aid to poor countries. Based on that prompt requirement, this essay will immediately fall under the score range of 3 because you did not properly discuss the essay. There was no reference to a disadvantage within your essay and you made the whole presentation a personal opinion paper. Since your opinion is not required by the prompt, there was no need for your to take ownership of the discussion. Thus the failing score. Even your concluding sentence is not appropriate for the discussion. It is only a single sentence when the requirement is a minimum of 3 sentences. Writing 352 words in this essay is not going to help if you did not discuss the essay in the manner instructed by the prompt requirements.
***Hi Nguyen**, welcome to Essay. I hope you can harness this medium as well as possible because you can improve your skill in this website. In this moment, I and others will find a difficulty to give you more because you did not present prompts so that we have not know guideline from edges of what you should explain. However, I am gonna try offering a few suggestion generally.  
  
Nguyen, please you meet the requirement when you write a paragraph. You are supposed to write at least three sentences in each sentence. Turning to your grammar, you have been confused about the usage of verb agreement. There you should place verb+s/es, but you forgot. Actually, there is a paramount thing which you should focus. Your flow is not enough good, which can confuse readers to understand what you mind. Keep in your mind that your job in the writing task 2 is to communicate with the examiners so that you are supposed to guide them to geeting the point from your essay.  
  
Honestly, I have not foudn the key points of your essay because there is a corelation between what you will describe atthe thesis statement in the introcutory paragraph and the first sentence in the first paragraph. Unfortunately, you also did not display the requirement so that I have not known what you want to achieve in this explanation.  
  
Hopefully, you include the statement/ question in the next essay so that we can know the prompts of the essay.  
Happy writing*
## public services are more important than arts

  
  
**Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?**  
  
Many people believe that it is a waste of public money to finance art and cultural events, since there are more important issues to deal with. I do not agree with this idea, as I am persuaded that art is a fundamental part of human identity and a powerful mean of communication.  
  
It is often claimed that art is useless and, therefore, not worthy to be spent much money on. The supporters of this view think that the government budget should be mainly allocated to public services such as health structures, food production and distribution and urban maintenance. In fact, these services are intended to address practical needs which are necessary to human survival.  
  
In my opinion, it is undeniable that priority must be given to these relevant aspects of everyday life, but human beings require more than the mere satisfaction of primary needs. People need beauty in their lives and they need ways to communicate their feelings and abstract ideas. This is the main purpose of art, the reason why it has been practised since the origins of our species.  
  
Moreover, promoting the artistic national heritage can be turned into an additional source of income, since most of the tourists visiting a country are attracted by its monuments and museums and they are likely to pay money to visit them.  
  
In conclusion, I think it is important that a large amount of the government investment goes into public services in order to provide all the citizens with a good quality of life. However, the arts should not be forgotten because culture is vital to our soul as food is to our body.
Martina, your opening statement, which is the prompt overview, was not properly represented in the essay. It is important that you learn how to represent the prompt requirements in the expected manner rather than the method that you think is correct. A proper prompt overview contains the following elements:  
  
1. A restatement of the prompt discussion based upon your understanding of the topic  
2. An outline representation of the discussion to follow, without immediately presenting any discussion data.  
  
Your first 2 paragraphs would have worked well as a combined opening statement instead of this separate representation. The separate paragraphs make the fact that you did not properly paraphrase the prompt requirements obvious to the examiner. As such, the TA score will immediately and seriously affected.  
  
Aside from the problematic opening statement, your essay actually represents the discussion in a more than acceptable manner. I think you could score something along the lines of 5 in an actual setting.
***Hi Martina**, I have read your essay and found some errors which you are supposed to improve. Hopefully, you can meet my notes and deal with them.  
  
Firstly, your introductory paragraph actually is good because your position can stand out. However, you made a minor error and can influence your score. You changed the meaning. There is the clear different between "some" and "many" in the first sentence. Besides that, you should write at least three sentences in each paragraph for meeting the requirement.  
  
After that, when I reviewed your body paragraph, I honestly admit that you have not answered the prompts given because you should focus on your view. To get a high score, you are supposed to explain your reasons why you argued that those sectors are imprortant in the life. All you pour in the first and second body paragraph.  
  
lastly, please you restate your thesis statement in the conclusion. Don't present the new perspective beacuse that can confuse the readers and reduce your score in Coherence and Cohesion.  
  
Practice more and more, I really believe you can master this section  
Happy Writing.*
the prompt says: **The pie charts show the average consumption of food in the world in 2008 compared to two countries; China and India**  
  
## statistics of utilized foods over the world in 2008

  
  
The three different charts illustrate the percentage of four different categories of foods utilized over the globe in 2008, especially the comparison between China and India. Overall, it is clear that in China, India and the world, the vast majority of food consumed was processed food. By contrast, nuts and seeds are the lowest consumption.  
  
With the regard to the most prevalent foods, approximately 41% of processed food in the world was utilized, compared to about 34% and 39%, respectively in China and India. In the planet, the consumption of vegetables and fruits gained 29%. The figure of vegetables and fruits in India occupied 23% while the number of fruits and vegetables represented more 9% in China, nearly 32%  
  
The consumption of animal food stood at 15% in China. The world and India indicated the virtually identical level of use of animal food, between 26% and 27% successively. While people in the world utilized slight the figure of nuts and seeds, in the region of 4%, Chinese and Indian customers used considerably the number of nuts and seeds, at 19% and 11%, in turn.  
  
*
Hi @Maitouyen282  
  
While people in the world utilized (...) nuts and seeds, at 19% and 11%, in turn  
you may find another way to compare the percentage of each figures, not just by above. Since i found that almost all of comparisons you made was like above.  
  
For example  
*People in the world utilized slight the figure of nuts and seeds, in the region of 4%, which was almost fourfold larger of nuts and seeds*....  
  
you may vary other style of comparison rather than just straightly mentioned the number of figures orderly.  
  
hope it helps you
To, you could have written a better overview by indicating the types of food products that were going to be compared along with stating the countries that were to be used in the comparison. The last sentence in your opening statement should have represented your concluding statement instead because that could have been a pretty effective summary of the overall report. With a total of 184 words, I would have to say that this is one of your better developed essays. Again, it is better developed, but still has some problems with regards to TA and GRA issues. I explained the TA situation above while the GRA, comes from the use of wrong descriptions in your essay such as the term "successively" when you should have said "respectively". The improvement in your presentation and discussion style also comes with an improvement in your possible score. This could get a score as high as 5 in an actual test. Depending upon the smaller considerations for the final score. Good work though. I hope to see continued improvement over the coming days.
To, there is no secret to achieving a score of 7 in the IELTS. That is a score that can only be achieved if you increase your understanding and knowledge of the English language. If you are focusing on English learning outside of the regular practice tests, such as watching English programs, reading English material, and familiarizing yourself with the English vocabulary either through dictionary reading (for proper word meaning), or a thesaurus ( for word variation learning), then you will be able doing English activities that will help you further increase your score. However, this is not done overnight. You can't memorize a dictionary, nor can you memorize a thesaurus. This happens over a period of time. If you have not spoken or if you were not exposed to the English language from the day you were born, then you will need a lifetime to achieve native speaker level. However, the English learning advice I gave you above will be able to help you better prepare for the test. Will it garner you a score of 7? Maybe, if you truly apply yourself from now until you take the test.
**There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional ...**  
  
## music is the food of a soul

  
  
It is often said that music is the food of a soul in our life perform on a way of living. There are many people who cannot live without music. I think that music is like a tasty that no measure can be said the importance of different types of music is.  
  
Some people may still listen to tradition music because there are kinds of music that people listening are of different taste and types. An example, a teenager may like to listen to modern music and elder may listen to tradition music because music is the main way of passing from generation to generation. Therefore, traditional music is a vital part of human culture and part of our life story. Furthermore, traditional music bear the old history and lifestyles and tradition of a country.  
  
These days, no matter what kind of music people listen, because music has been a part of our daily life, and the listeners will decide what music to listen and it greatly depend on upon mood, time, level and age. For instance, Chinses lords paid a musician to play relaxing music, while poor people played living folk music for fun. In fact, people prefer to listen to their favourite list and listening to music that can be a response to their needs.  
  
To conclusion, music is a necessary part of human existence, and both of music are expressing and arouses in a way that words cannot, So it is difficult to imagine a life without music.
Hi @nutwararat  
i have read a whole of your essay. I am going to give you some suggestions. In your introduction essay, it should be better when you introduce your idea that you want to elucidate in body paragraphs. Turning in to your first body paragraph, it seems like your idea less emphasizing. Before "therefore...." it is not really sharp then to conclude at the end of the paragraph. Also, before you exemplifying your idea, it should be better if you add an additional sentence that support your topic sentence (supporting idea). The same happens in your second body paragraph in which you less elaborate your idea. You also do not decide your position or answer regarding the prompt, why we need music and what type of music is more popular. In your conclusion, you may choose the opening phrase of conclusion such as " to conclude, in conclusion, to sum up, etc." Lastly, it should be better if you explain more and more and dig your idea to elaborate deeply since your essay is almost under length (251 words).  
  
hope it helps you
Nutwarara, the essay that you wrote will earn you a score of 4 because you did not properly discuss the prompt requirements. I am very familiar with the prompt for this IELTS Task 2 topic because of the number of essays that have already been written about it at this forum. The reason that you failed is simple.  
  
For starters, you misrepresented the paraphrasing of the prompt requirements. There is no reference to either the correct topic for discussion nor the method for discussion given in the original instructions. You were being asked to respond to two questions, with examples provided along with your response. The questions are:  
  
1. Do we need music?  
2. Is traditional music more important than international music?  
  
Your response tries to respond to the questions but in an underdeveloped manner that shows a lack of understanding of the prompt requirements. a deeper discussion of the traditional music necessity in comparison to international music was warranted in the essay. Due to the extremely short response you wrote, you fell short of properly explaining your stance on the issue. Which resulted in a perception that you did not understand what the instructions of the essay were. Specially in the part that asked if we need music in our lives. Your reasoning was very short and irrelevant to the rest of the discussion. The response to that should have been supportive of the traditional music discussion. In this case, writing more, in reference to your response and evidence presented, should have helped to increase your score.
## common corruption

  
  
corruption is a menace for every country.it weakens the pillar of a country .corruption is considered an evil for a society because it plays an important role in increasing crime in a society .corruption has different categories .the worst form is the injustice because crime prevails in a society where there is no justice .politicians businessmen and civil servants are the most immediate beneficiaries of corruption because they get the most from corruption by using their power and position .though corruption exist in developed countries too but the most affected are underdeveloped countries because in underdeveloped countries people do not have an access to basic needs of life so they do not have much concern to other problems they face .  
  
it is an established fact that there is a nexus between corruption and terrorism because ill gotten money is often used in terrorism financing and sometimes used in heinous crimes . corruption is a mother of all evils because it makes the ground for other crimes too.most affected class from this menace are the middle and lower class because when they are unable to pay bribe they face discrimination and how their fate shattered
Fahad, your writing is good for a beginner. There is a logic to what you are saying and your examples help to enhance your paragraphs. I have a problem with your grammar though. Please review the grammar rules regarding capitalization and punctuation. You need to capitalize the first word of every new sentence and also, create a space between the end of a sentence (as indicated by the period) and the next word in order to create a space that aids the reader in understanding what you have written. While I know that you are just writing this for practice, I have to say that you have written an essay that, although short in discussion, is comparable to the best English writing practice tests that have been posted here. Keep up the good work. You are on the right track for a newbie.
**Q: Some people think that developing countries need financial help from international organizations, while others think that it is practical aid an advice that is needed. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.**  
  
## Finding a better solution

  
  
Nowadays, developing countries, especially those that are not affluent, are searching for financial aid from developed ones owing to economical increase. Nevertheless, I myself tend to think that it is somehow far better for those countries to ask for practical help and useful advices from international organizations.  
  
It has been a hot debate that the financial help is a suitable way for impoverished countries since it provides money as a solution for an array of issues. For instance, a country facing starvation can produce the number of people who are being killed by hunger by receiving money and apply food as well as clothing or a better condition for them to inhabit. However, everything has its own pros and cons. Receiving financial help is nothing but to raise your debt with the international organizations. In other words, financial help is just a short-term solution compared to practical help.  
  
Financial help has its massive good aspects that make it becomes prevalent, but in my opinion, advice and practical aid is outweighed in many ways. Although practical help is complicated to progress and need a long time to conduct, it is somehow a long-term solution for countries that are facing with poverty. It helps the government and also the civilians gaining the awareness of solving all the issues by themselves. For example, in Japan, everyone was taught to face with earthquake by a myriad of ways and to deal with the problem of recovering the city after that disaster. By doing this, both the government and the citizens get used to the catastrophe and their country still highly develop despite the frequently earthquake.  
  
In conclusion, the financial aid provides many merits but it is just a short-term solution to face with poverty. Governments should concentrate on advice and practical aid for a long-term solution one from international organizations, which somehow is a better way to get rid of poverty and difficulty developing countries are facing.
Anais, the paraphrasing and summary for your essay is faulty. While the original prompt indicates that you should indicate a discussion of the two sides, along with your own opinion, you did not do that in your representative statement. You merely offered a general discussion of the provided sides, in a single sentence, and then you immediately jumped into your personal opinion discussion. Which should not have been done in the opening statement.  
  
The essay should have followed the indicated presentation in the original instructions. So it should have been:  
  
1. Opening summary  
2. Side 1  
3. Side 2  
4. Personal opinion  
5. Concluding summary  
  
By not following the proper discussion format, you ended up creating a personal opinion instead of a comparison discussion. As such, you adversely affected the possible score for your essay. That is because you showed a clear misunderstanding of the instructions and the discussion format. The only possible score in this instance is a 4.
@Holt  
Thanks a lot for your criticism. It's such an useful feedback for me, who extremely bad at identify the topic. Could you suggest for me an opening for my essay? Because I feel quite confused right now. My teacher said that I have to state my opinion in the opening for this topic so I followed what he had said, but I btw didn't know what to write more. And I'm wondering, did you mean I have to discuss the pros and cons of those sides and state my opinion in the third paragraph? One last thing, can you point out my faulty paraphrasing? I hope you can help me. I have to take IELTS test in one or two months later and I'm really worried for my Writing Test.  
  
One more time, thanks very much. Am I bothered you?