dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Writing, reading and maths are the three recognized traditional subjects. Computer skills should also be the fourth largest branch. Do you agree or disagree?**  
  
## the importance of computer skills

  
  
Whether or not besides the three most vital disciplines namely writing, reading and maths, computer skills should be the next one on the list is a question of much controversy. Come conventional people claim that it is waste of time as literacy is enough for them to have a good life. However, other people, myself included, totally agree that being computer literate is essential as it not only enhance knowledge but also gain promotions.  
  
To begin with, it is obvious that computers dominate the world with every passing day. It not only affects people's personal life but also their work aspects. For instance, more and more people access to social networks such as Facebook and Instagram, so if people desire to join in those activities, computer skills is the one of the first thing they need to know. Similarly, when people apply for a job, knowing how to use a computer is one of basic skills that company require. Therefore, if people do not have computer literacy, it is hard for them to seek a job.  
  
We should also recognize the fact that both learners and workers have benefits as they know computer skills. As a learner, they are able to type all the long assignments which can be up to 5000 words instead of writing on paper. Apart from it, for learners who do not have a chance to sit in a classroom, knowing how to use computer will help them broaden the horizon by another method which is the participation in online courses. Regarding workers, as virtual offices replace physical ones, they will work with computer rather than paper and pen.  
  
Admittedly, it could also be said that writing, reading and maths are the fundamental to enrich knowledge, especially maths. It plays a vital role in normal life as it nurtures people's logical and critical thinking. However, I still stand by what I said since in a digital era, if people are not a computer- literate, they will not able to land a decent job as well as connect with the surrounding world.  
  
To sum up, even though writing, reading and maths are three recognized important subject, computer skills could be considered as an essential branch of education system in order to equip youngster to face the modern world.
@Nhu Tran When you write your paraphrased statement, it would be best if you do so with a clear tone and a message that better depicts the original prompt. Take for instance, the way that you indicated that the discussion about the 4th subject is "... a question of controversy...". There is nothing in the original prompt that indicates that there is any controversy involving the topic. Rather, it indicates that it is a question that is being "discussed" in some academic circles. Therefore, the sentence should have been represented as, "... a much discussed topic" or "the addition of computers as a fourth subject is being considered." If no debate, controversy, or argument is being indicated in the prompt, then a level tone of sane discussion must be used instead.  
  
With regards to the method by which you indicated your agreement with the topic, it is always best to have you state your opinion as a separate sentence because it is required as a part of the thesis statement at the end of the opening paragraph. As such, your discussion of particular information in the opening statement was misplaced. It is never acceptable to begin the discussion of the topic in the opening statement as establishing facts have yet to be provided to the reader which would create a sense of accuracy once the personal opinion is presented.  
  
Your second paragraph needs to be better developed. In all paragraphs, it is best that you deliver only one or two connected ideas for discussion development. That way the topic and the reasons are better threshed out and as such, allow you to aim for a higher TA, LR, and GRA score. Meet the 5 sentence requirement per paragraph by using only one topic and one supporting reason and your score will surely be better.  
  
The summation in the closing paragraph could have been better represented. You discussed 3 continuous ideas in one sentence, leading to only one simple sentence consideration. Writing 3 subjective sentences would have created an opportunity to for more complex sentence presentations and higher GRA considerations when compared to a single, interconnected thought sentence. The interconnected thoughts are only done so through the use of a comma when a full stop with a period and then starting a new sentence would have had a better impact on the reader.
The diagram illustrates the process of coffee manufacture and preparation for sale on the market.  
Overall, it is clear that there are eleven stages involved in the production of coffee. The process begins with picking up the coffee beans and ends at the packing stage.  
  
As can be seen from the diagram in detail, at the first step, coffee beans must be picked up in the fields before being dried under the sun. These beans are then roasted, cooled and put into a grinding machine which turns these beans into coffee granules.  
  
At the sixth stage of the process, small coffee pieces are mixed with hot water and the resulting mixture are strained. In the following step, the mixture is frozen and passed through the grinder. Subsequently, a vacuum has a responsible this frozen liquid so that the water evaporates, leaving the coffee granules. The final step is packing these grains into jars for delivery to consumers.  
  
*
Giang, each paragraph must be composed of 3-5 sentences in order to meet the requirements of the C&C section of the essay. Your second paragraph falls short of the required number of sentences. When you write an analytical essay. Do not go for the shortcut of using commas in order to explain the procedure. Use periods instead and present the process as complete sentences within a paragraph. This will allow you a better opportunity to show off your English vocabulary and your ability to express yourself better in complete thought processes.  
  
As for the first paragraph, you need to better develop the cohesiveness of those sentences as well. Do not write the overview in an independent sentence presentation format. Make sure that you show off your ability to develop a proper, analytical, discussion outline, in relation to the diagram provided. Make sure to summarize the steps that are involved in the essay in the opening statement as well. Just mention the number of steps involved, not the actual procedure yet. All the opening summary has to do for you is provide the short version of the body of paragraphs. The detailed explanation should follow the format of the procedure outline you created in the opening statement.  
  
Finally, please refrain from making references to procedures that do not exist in the diagram you were provided. That means that because the last image you were given relates to the jarring process of the coffee, you need not say that it was done for sale in the market. There is nothing in the diagram that implied such a thing. Therefore, you will be making false assumptions and you will confuse the examiner who may end up wondering where in the diagram did the market selling come into the picture. You will lose points for making up information in the essay. An analytical essay of this sort is very precise. It does not have room for false assumptions as you made in your essay.
*A few questions:  
- Should I present my opinion in the intro paragraph?  
- If the question said "Some shoppers choose to shop online..." --> Would it be wrong for me to include the advantages/disadvantages of the VENDORS?  
  
I would greatly appreciate your help. Thanks in advance!*  
  
**In recent years, online shopping has become increasingly popular. Some people think such shopping method is beneficial, while other believe it creates more problems than it solves. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.**  
  
## Shoppings over the Internet

  
  
Ever since the internet declared a takeover, digital shopping has been on a constant rise and has the potential to be the dominant shopping method. Such pattern ,however, has created both problems as well as opportunities. This essay will explore two sides to e-commerce, along with providing my own perspective.  
  
On the one hand, there are several serious pitfalls when one makes a purchase on the web, namely: risks of fraud and limited access to the products. As the term suggests, online shopping is only possible through the internet, a place hidden with countless threats, including frauds, identity theft and virus. At the same time, unlike conventional stores which don't close unexpectedly, online stores incur frequent malfunction. A further drawback is the fact that shopping websites would only provide product description and links to the merchandises, instead of allowing buyers to test the products personally. This can be extremely inconvenient when purchasing goods such as clothes or cosmetics.  
  
Conversely, this novel way of shopping can be beneficial for two parties of the business. In particular, customers from around the world are able to gain information about a company and its products in 24/7, despite geographic limit, thus saving time and money. They can also compare prices of different products or keep up with the latest discount programs within a few clicks. For vendors, opening online stores means lowering overheads with regard to employing staff as well as depending on distributors and retailers. Some companies may cut costs further by terminating printing catalogs or constructing new stores. The latter would be notably profitable in countries with ever-increasing property taxes such as Britain or Japan.  
  
Ultimately, it appears to me that the advantages of e-commerce can far outweigh the hassles. This is highly recommended for busy buyers who wish to save time and sellers who aim to reach out to a wider range of customers.  
  
(313 WORDS)
In response to your questions Giang:  
  
1. No. As I previously informed you, no opinion should be discussed in the opening paragraph. That is only to serve as the outline for the succeeding paragraphs. Your opinion is a separate and stand alone paragraph that should be located anywhere in the 3 body paragraphs.  
  
2. Do not include the vendors in the discussion. Only the consumers / shoppers are referred to in the essay. Stick only to the given "characters" for discussion. Adding the vendors would be an alteration to the provided prompt discussion.  
  
Now, you have a problem with using the correct reference terms in this essay. "E-commerce" is the overall line of business that vendors are engaged in. You are talking about "e-shoppers", who are the clients and consumers of the "e-commerce" sites. Don't confuse the two as they refer to 2 different people in the given discussion.  
  
The discussion of the vendors is misplaced and not required in the second paragraph. As such, you will have lost points because you did not completely discuss the topic that you presented about the convenience that e-shopping provides. Your first reason is good, the second reason is under developed, and I do not see any reference to your personal opinion at all in the body paragraphs. That should have been the 3rd discussion, creating a 5 paragraph essay for submission and scoring. Oops... missing out on the personal discussion means some major points deduction for your essay as it comes across as an incomplete essay presentation.
**Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?  
Buying a new technological device right away is better than waiting until many people have purchased it.  
  
Use specific reasons and examples to support your explanation.**  
  
## Buying new gadgets isn't worthy

  
  
Recently, general awareness about whether it is wiser to buy new technology device right away than waiting until many people have purchased it has aroused heated arguments. People, nevertheless, have conflicting ideas; while some people say that it brings many benefits to buy the device later, others deem otherwise. From my point of view, I am in agreement with former stand and my view can be greatly substantiated by the reasons addressed below.  
  
The first reason for my opinion that can be seen by every person is that it is too much expensive to purchase the technological device early. This is because there are few demands to buy the newly launched device in the beginning. According to the one of the most fundamental economic theory, supply and demand curves, price would be high when it comes to low demand given constant supply. In addition, one of the well-known reasearch lab at Seoul National University revealed the relationship between price and period of purchase. In fact, the reasearch team revealed the fact that the earlier clients buy the technology commodities, the more they should pay.  
  
Another equally important reason is that new technology device can malfuntion more often than other devices which already has been used by many people. To put it again, new device is not testified by the public as much as other devices which are verified by the public. For instance, Samsung Note 7 was recalled within few days after launching this new product because there were some malfunction cases. As more and more people use this new phone, it is revealed that the product has a severe functional flaw that can even endanger people. Like this case, newly launched device has an enormous risk of malfunction.  
  
The third and most noteworthy reason is that clients should invest a lot hours to learn how to use the device. That is to say, what client only can do is to spend lots of time to read whole manual, which is quite boring. Since no one are familiar with using the new device, it is hard to find others who can help you to teach this. In reality, according to the article posted on the Korea Times, many clients have a tendency to prefer to ask their friends or family about how to use the device rather than reading the manual by themselves.  
  
To wrap up all statements above, buying a new technological device is not reasonable option in terms of price, malfunction and learning curb. In particular, the high price, risk of malfunction and tedious work to read a manual would hinder clients to buy a newly released product. That is why I agree with the opinion that it is more sagacious to wait until many people have purchased this.
Dear Mattew,  
Overall, I liked you essay. You respected the different parts of a TOEFL Essay and you did a good job in introducing your personal opinion, then explaining the reasons behind your choice. Nonetheless, I have some grammar and spelling remarks to make:  
  
\* ...and my view ... --> In the same sentence, you used "point of view" and "view". I think it would be more appropriate if you simply said: "and I think so for the reasons below"  
  
\* This is because there are few demands to buy the newly launched device in the beginning. --> Actually, prices get really high proportionally with the demand. In addition, when the product is newly launched, the demand is at its highest rates. Thus, you ought to say: "This is because demands starts growing at a very high rate when the device is newly launched, due to an efficient publicity, etc."  
  
\* ...one of the well-known reasearch lab ... --> you can either say: "a well-known research lab" or " one the most well-known research labs.." and use "laboratory" as you are writing an academic essay.  
  
Finally, I reckon your writing skills are, definitely, improving from your previous ones. Just make sure to mind some mistakes you are doing. Keep on writing and you will improve fantastically.  
  
Keep on the good work!  
Yours, Majd Akkari.
Matthew, please do not exaggerate the terms of the discussion being presented in the essays. Exaggerating by using terms such as "heated debate" in the essay, when none is referenced in the prompt means you are sensationalizing the statements. Stick to the original prompt tone as much as possible. Do not create unnecessary conflict and mistaken references where there are none. Yes, that could have an effect on your score in terms of your TA considerations.  
  
It would also be best to use personal information, experience, or publicly known facts that are easily understandable to the readers. So when you reference the Law of Supply and Demand, there may be a tendency for the examiner to wonder why you have discussed something so technical in a basic discussion paper. While this is not wrong, it may not be considered the correct approach to the discussion.  
  
You may also wish to reconsider using researched information and references in your statements because there is no access to Google at the exam center and also, when you make reference to certain studies, you need to include more verifiable information such as date of publication and method of publication, which would turn the essay into a research paper. Sticking to basic information and experience in reference to the given topic is always the most appreciated approach to these sorts of essays.  
  
These comments not withstanding, you did very good work on the essay. There is a tremendous amount of improvement in your work. It shows in the manner that you have improved your presentation and are taking greater care to meet the TOEFL scoring requirements. You are not quite, but almost ready to take the test.
TOPIC: ## HISTORY

  
**Some people think studying from the past offer no benefits to today's life, while others believe that history is valuable source of information for us. Discuss both view and give our opinion.**  
  
ANSWER  
History is always a controversial subject for the practical application to modern life. When some people reject learning from the past, fortunately the others still believe that history can teach them precious lessons.  
  
One the one hand, I understand why many opponents of the study of history assume it has nothing to gain from doing research that what happened in the past. In their mind, Historical knowledges are rarely used in society, so we should concentrate on science or technology that can bring relevant values to the present and future. Furthermore, History, in common parlance, is the record of past events based on different facts and perspectives, it is too difficult to guarantee of the accuracy of information obtained. Therefore, if there were new discoveries about history, it would cause tremendous upheavals for human culture.  
  
On the other side, people who overcome conventional thinking still suppose history plays an important role in the development of mankind. It helps people have thorough insights into not only their own but also other countries 's culture and evolvement. Especially The youth need to know how their ancestors defended the nation against intruders throughout many dynasties and maintain an independent and sovereign country as currently. This would develop their patriotism and desire for peace, at the same time help young generation to avoid similar mistakes in the future.  
  
Finally, in my opinion, History is always an essential subject should be respected because of the values that it brings. However, the teaching of History needs to close to beneficial events in order to use in reality.  
  
(261 words)
Valery, your essay became a personal opinion paper because you did not accurately represent the paraphrased statement as requiring both points of view and your opinion. Once the body paragraph is read, you immediately start with the pronoun "I" which is indicative of a personal opinion. Therefore, you changed the slant of the discussion from 2 points of view and your opinion to solely your opinion, creating a personal opinion essay alone. That will indicate a misunderstanding of the prompt requirements and result in a failing score for your essay. The correct format for this essay is as follows:  
  
1. Paraphrased statement with discussion instructions at the end.  
2. First point of view discussion;  
3. Comparison discussion of the second point of view with the first point of view;  
4. Personal opinion discussion;  
5. Concluding paragraph.  
  
While you did discuss the varying points of view, the fact that you used the first person pronoun changed the point of view from public to personal. The essay prompt requires a discussion of each public point of view before your personal point of view. The thorough personal opinion is also mistakenly placed in the concluding statement. That is the improper way of writing your personal opinion. You need to write that as a paragraph that is complete and not used to simply close the essay. That is an unacceptable concluding statement because you are continuing the discussion of the topic rather than ending it in a manner that sums up the discussion for the reader and allows the reader to form his own opinion based upon the summarized information.
Aryan, where did the 25 percent number come from in your argument? Did you accidentally post an incomplete prompt instruction with the essay? I've reviewed the posting three times and I cannot, for the life of me, find the reference to that number coming out of the Butler County report. If it isn't in the report that you are arguing about then your argument becomes faulty. In my opinion, your score breakdown would be as follows:  
  
Quality of ideas - 3  
Organization - 4  
Writing Style - 5  
Grammar & Usage - 4  
  
I have problems with increasing your score in terms of Quality of Ideas because of the information that does not seem to have source and yet, is presented as factual in the essay. Now, since the rest of your information does come from the provided discussion, this increased the probable score for your essay. Perhaps you did not fully post the original information that you were provided, which is why the essay seems to be using inaccurate information in your argument.  
  
Overall though, you did an acceptable job in arguing this essay. If not for the problems with the facts in the essay, I was willing to score you higher because of the impressive showing that you made in terms of logically arguing the article provided.
I made a blunder by posting a wrong essay prompt. The correct prompt is as follows.  
  
In an attempt to improve highway safety, Prunty County last year lowered its speed limit from 55Mph to 45Mph on all county highways. But this effort has failed: the number of accidents has not decreased and based on reports by the highway patrol, many drivers are exceeding the speed limit. Prunty County should instead undertake the same kind of road improvement project that Butler County completed five years ago: increasing lane widths, resurfacing rough highways, and improvising visibility at dangerous intersections. Today, major Butler County roads still have 55Mph speed limit yet there was 25 percent fewer reported accidents in Butler County this past year than there were five years ago.  
  
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.