dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**Many offender commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening and what the measures can be taken to tackle this problem?**  
  
## Bigger number of criminal activity

  
  
In todays world, the are too many cases relating crime, either on petty or heavy crime. Moreover, another information reckons the fact that some of low breaker tend to commit more crimes when they have been through their first punishment. As such, in my point of view, this condition appears because of the weakness of law enforcement. So, they think that the punishment they accepted is non-sense. To tackle this, the high level of punishment, such as death penalty is firmly to give an obvious result.  
  
Many cases on media shown that there is unbalance portion on law-breaker punishment accepted than the demerits they done. Taking corruptor X as instance. He have stollen government funding allocated for repairing of village' infrastructure and brough many disadventages for inhabitants. Unfortunately, the punishment he obtained is not big enough to give him effect anymore. He just has to stay in prison for about 5 years for compelling their crime. As such, the possibility to do the same crime for twice is exsist. Hence, it is clear that the law enforcement can be causing this problem.  
  
To tackle this, enroling the high-punishment level such as death penalty will be worth. First, death penalty will give a high effect on crime agent to stop their activities. This is because it will be resulting a big pressure to them to consider many factors to do so. Secondly, it will be effect on reducing the number of crime rate, due to the fact that there is a clear of law enforcement by the government. Based on this explanation, I could say that improving the high-punishment level is effective way.  
  
To sum up, unbalance punishment given to crime agent causing them to do more and more crime. Therefore, death penalty as the high level of enforcement could be an effective solution to tackle.
**Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem.**  
  
## Notorious criminals sanctions

  
  
Commit more crimes from some offenders always repeated albeit they have been get first punishment. Regarding to this prompt, my consideration has two causes and also three solutions to reduce this issue, and I will explain why in this essay.  
  
Perhaps, the major problem supporting this issue is the punishment is not effective for law breakers. This can be caused, they only have been given petty crimes, but they do huge criminality. It can be seen, Indonesia has too many corruptor, and they always do this criminality due to ineffective of the punishment. In addition, law enforcers are not assertive to punish well the prisoners. They are more likely to influence by some money, making the punishment more light. Corruptor will be easy to out from jail due to influencing of money for the law enforcers.  
  
Turning to the causes, it considers the solution is they should be given effective punishment then the lawbreakers will be deterrent to do some notorious crimes. As an example, rape crime. Sometimes, rape crime will be prone to repeat it negative habit, making them more deterrent they should be get death penalties, and the others will be afraid and avoid this crime. Furthermore, they have to educate first with approach religion. In addition, the law enforcers should be given some measures affecting their life if they do not uphold the laws wisely.  
  
In conclusion, there are several causes why the crime agents will be duplication the negative activities, and the several solutions will tackle this issue. It depends on the effective laws and the law enforcers.
Ummm With all due respect, I think the first thing you need to work on is your grammar accuracy. Instead of using big words inaccurately, I think if you can create an error-free essay will secure you with a 5-6 in Ielts writing if that is what you are going to take. Given that the examiners always emphasize more on whether you can express you view in a clear manner, you should scrutinize your essay twice first and not to use difficult words that is not up to your standard. It is easily seen.  
  
Instead of " turning to the causes... notorious crimes." You should instead say: Regarding the solutions, more effective punishment should be given to the offenders as to stop the notorious lawbreakers(can simply be replaced with them) from further commit crimes. The word" deterrent" is used wrongly in that sentence and we won't say "it considers the solution......."  
  
It is good that you tried to used various word form of the same word (crime) and variation of word is seen. However, you have to use them correctly in order to score higher.
Please offer me assistance with my essay to get IELTS score 6.0. I have done IELTS three time with writing score.5.5 .I desperately need help for my writing.Thank you very much!  
  
Topic: **Some people feel unsafe when they are at home and in public. What are some possible causes of this and what are some possible solutions?**  
  
## increased fear from crime and disaster

  
  
Currently,personal safety has become a popular issue in our society. In this essay, the reasons will be described and suggestions will be provided.  
  
To beginning with,the feeling of danger could caused by high crime rate. When criminal activities are common in a society, no one will feel safe and be protected.For example, if you were living in a place that murder, rapes, robbery are always happened.Would you still sit in office and back home until late? Definitely not.Moreover, natural disaster is another concernable reason.Natural disaster brings a serious lost for human life and their properties. Such as earthquake can destroy building, highway etc.  
  
Nevertheless,there are some advice that can make people fell safety. One of the recommendations is; develop a trained police force.By reducing crime rate, trained police force and a fair legal system is necessary.It rapidly increase the cost of taking part in criminal activities.Likewise,good city planning and special construction structure can minimise the lost from natural disasters.Some special materials can be added at the bottom of building; it absorbs energies when the ground moved.On the other hand,life saving is playing another important role after disaster happened. A well-trained and fully-equipped first-aid team can save people life after serious natural disaster happened. It makes commonly believe that their life are protected by trusted life saving guards.For instance, earthquake is always happen in Japan.However,most of Japanese still prefer to stay in their country because they have professional life-saving guards can protect them when earthquake happen.  
  
In summary, the fear from crime and disaster can be countered by professional police team and rescue team, but also a fair judgment and well-designed disaster-proofed buildings.
Her, there are two main problems with your essay that cause you to never reach your desired bandwith. The first problem, is the horrible English sentence construction which shows a lack of ability to formulate coherent and cohesive English sentences. The second problem, is that you have a tendency to deviate from the prompt topic provided in your discussion. The topic is all about crime and yet your essay included a discussion of natural calamities and disasters as one of its paragraphs. Prompt deviations are a definite mark down in the overall consideration.  
  
The areas where you score the lowest, due to the observations previously made, are in the TA, C&C, and GRA sections. Since these 3 sections are pulled down to an average score of about 4 for each, your increased score is located only in the LR area, which is why you can possible gain a 5.5 in the final tally.  
  
In order to improve your score, you must learn to stick to the prompt discussion, improve your sentence structure and grammar skills, and also, be more aware of the proper tense usage in sentences. By the way, there is a flawed line of reasoning in this essay. You say that the police force needs to be well trained. It is always assumed, in any country, that the police force is amply trained and can respond to any crime that is reported or in progress. Therefore, it is not correct for you to assume that it is the police force that causes the problems. Talk about the crime rate instead. What causes crimes? Poverty, mental illness, uncontrollable circumstances, the list of reasons are endless. How can it be prevented? Discuss how a person can protect himself from being a victim of crime. Purchasing pepper spray for personal protection, using cellphones to keep their loved ones informed or call for help, going home early... Think about how you would protect yourself and present that in the essay.
@Trista5577  
I have some comments below:  
"You", etc., questions should not be used in an Ielts writing.  
There are some grammar mistakes:  
-the feeling of danger could caused by high crime rate. ->... could be caused by ...  
-Such as earthquake can destroy building, highway etc. -> to begin an example, "For example," should be used instead of "such as"  
-you should pay attention to subject-verb agreement.
Hi, I think I made similar issues when I first started writing essays, so practice makes perfect.  
For your writing, I think you have some problems with usage of word: e.g popular (it's for positive things) so you can use common instead. Also, you always need to provide "full sentences" (which basically offers a VERB): e.g. such as earthquake... It's not a completed sentence. S+V agreement is also something you need to work on as you make quite a lot tenses mistakes.  
  
Again, don't feel down but practice more and more. Good luck!
Hi @Trista5577 , I have read your essay closely. Therefore, there are several suggestions to make your essay more powerfull.  
1. In my point of view, your introduction still lack to cover all the question need. You just state the hook without connecting with the main question. This will be effect on your task response.  
  
2. You may explain in introduction sentence about what the defenition of unsefe feeling it self, so there are a clear limitation for your supporting sentence that you will explain in body paragraph.  
  
3. In your conclussion, it seems to me that you do not make the conclussion based on the prompt. It is better to make attractive conclussion with answered the question in another word formation. This is important to make the reader understand about your idea with just read your introduction and your conclussion.  
  
Overall, I believe that you can make it better in the next writing .  
Break a leg!
**The table below gives information on consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002**  
  
## Which products have the biggest proportion of expenditure?

  
  
The table exhibits information about the percentage of national spending on three categories of five different countries in 2012. Overall, it can be clearly seen that what is the biggest proportion of all countries' expenditure was food and tobacco.  
  
Firstly, all people in those countries spend their fund on food and tobacco. Turkey's expenditure was the highest percentage in this category with 32.14%. It was twice higher than Italy. Furthermore, the second highest occupied by Ireland, 10% more than Spain.  
  
Turning to the second category is clothing and footwear for which all country paid around 5% to 10%. Australian allocated their expenditure 9% and became the highest in this, while the lowest was Sweden. Interestingly, the rest three countries spend almost similar on around 6.5%.  
  
The less remarkable feature showed by the table was Leisure and Education. Each country only spent under 5% on. Turkey was the highest with 4.35%, while the lowest proportion was showed by Spain. However, Italy and Sweden were approximately 3.20%.  
  
*
GRAMMAR  
what isthe biggest proportion of ... -------------------- use past tense because the year is 2002  
firstly, all people in those countriesspendtheir fund on ... ----------------- use past tens [spent]  
Furthermore, the second highest [ was ] occupied by ... ----------- add was there  
Turning to the second category is clothing and footwear ... --------- past tense [was]  
the rest three countries spend almost similar on ... ---------------------- past tense spent  
  
Maybe you can reduce using too much number presenting the percentage and replace it with word such as 32,14% ----- just over a third and etc  
  
thanks
Huxiaolan, when you write a reflective essay, it is best to not to do a numbered list of the events that transpired. Just discuss it as you would in a normal voice. Using the number system makes the essay sound like you are writing for a formal paper instead of a casual narration. Make sure that you are consistent in your tone of voice. Reflect in a past tense or passive voice so that you can focus on the action that you did. It would also be to your benefit if you shared the name of the company that you worked for since you already shared the name of the HR officers and your immediate superior. By the way, unless you have explicit permission from these people to use their names in your essay, it would be best if you did not do that. It is a violation of their privacy for you to mention their names without their consent.
please give me your valuable suggestion to get band 7+ in my writing.  
  
NOWADAYS ANIMAL EXPERIMENTS ARE WIDELY USED TO DEVELOP NEW MEDICINES AND TO TEST THE SAFETY OF OTHER PRODUCTS. SOME PEOPLE ARGUE THAT THESE EXPERIMENTS SHOULD BE BANNED BECAUSE IT IS MORALLY WRONG TO CAUSE ANIMALS TO SUFFER, WHILE OTHERS ARE IN FAVOUR OF THEM BECAUSE OF THEIR BENEFITS TO HUMANITY.  
  
DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION.  
  
Animals are being used in medical researchers these days. Such researches are hold up by some people, while others are more care about animal right. Though I feel the statement that animal testing is morally wrong, I would have to go for limiting the amount of animal experimentation because of well-being of humankind.  
  
As living creatures, Animals have right to enjoy their lives in peace. If the animals are continuously used for medicine researches, they will become be exploited. . For example, as monkeys have a 98% identical DNA structure to ours, they are tested by new drug to measure the effectiveness of the drug. These activities not only hurt the animals, but also may destroy the balance of nature. Opponents of such research argue that humans have no right to subject animals to different kind of trauma, so scientists should use alternative methods of research.  
  
However, for the great benefits in medical sector, it may hard to find a suitable substitute for animal experimentation. If the researches purpose for inventing medicines are stopped for banning testing on animals, so how it will possible to invent new medicine for the demand of time. For this reason, opponents of such research need to feel a necessary evil when their loved one might need a medical treatment that had been developed through the use of animal experimentation. I personally feel that the use of animals should be banned for non-medical products, but I believe that it should be limited the amunt of animals testing for medicine researches.  
  
If medicine and medical procedure are concerned, animals testing ls is badly needed because of the lake of alternative methods. Despite of moral and ethical issue, animal experimentation are ongoing for that reason. It seems to me it would be better to limit the use of animals instead of banning the testing on animals.
Fiza, the current score that you can get for this essay is no higher than a 4. While you did a good job of paraphrasing the prompt topic and instructions for the discussion, you failed to properly discuss the outlined instructions in the paper. What I mean to say is that the way that you presented the discussion should have clearly indicated which side of the topic you were discussing (pro or con) in every paragraph. At the moment, it appears that the whole body of the paragraphs discuss only your personal opinion instead of the pro, con, your opinion (in no particular order), discussion that the final instruction required. It is because of this problem with your presentation that you got the low score. Always remember to counter check your prompt discussion outline against the required discussion. That is the reason why you were not able to properly address the prompt requirement in this instance. By making sure that you represent all the discussion points in your essay, you will be able to better increase your score chances.
***Hi Fiza**, these below are my thoughts for finalizing your essay. Please, meet my notes and fix them.  
Fiza, avoid using the word "feel" when you wanna show your perspective. That word is less convincing. You should use the words (suppose/ reckon/ think/ believe, etc). This I have found in your thesis statement of the first paragraph. After that, you failed to offer the example relating to your view in the first body paragraph. Your example tended to support an advantage of using animals for testing medicine. Be careful of delivering your example because it influences your coherence and cohesion for your idea.  
  
I have also found a large number of grammar errors such as verb agreement. Besides, you also made misspellings. Please, double check your words. That is a minor error, but if you do more, that can reduce your score. You are supposed to provide a few minutes for correcting your grammar. Be aware of what you wrote. Make sure that what you write is what you mind. Your position was not actually proper to be placed in the last sentence of the second body paragraph. That is not clearly coherence with your previous explanation. Its flow is enough bad.  
  
If you wanna get a high score, please you show your conclusion clearly. You directly gave suggestions, but you did not restate your perspective and conclusion. This is one of essential elements for writing the essay.  
  
Hopefully, those can help you to improve your ability.  
GOOD LUCK*
Hi, as I am currently preparing for my imminent Ielts exam, your honest evaluation and score would be appreciated a lot. Thanks for you help in advance :)  
  
Ielts writing task 1  
  
## COMPANIES GARBAGE AND TRASH - IN TONNES

  
  
**The graph below shows the amounts of waste produced by three companies over a period of 15 years.**  
  
The line graph above compares the waste production of three enterprises in the span of 15 years,from 2000 to 2015.  
  
Overall, company A and B saw a decline in amounts of waste produced while company C experienced a steady rise between the year 2000 and 2015.  
  
It is clearly shown in the graph that company A produced 12 tonnes of waste in 2000 and it cut the waste output to slightly below 9 tonnes in 2015. On the contrary, company C started off with 4 tonnes in waste production and then steadily increased to considerably above 9 in 2015.  
  
As for company B, its waste production gradually rose from about 9 tonnes in 2000 to approximately 10 tonnes in 2005. Company B then witnessed a rapid fall in waste output to 3 tonnes in the year of 2015.  
  
Words count:138 words  
  
*
Wong, you are short of the word minimum word requirement of 150 words for the task 1 essay. Falling short of the word requirement will result in a failure of the TA score, which could lead to an overall failing grade in the test. You need to try to write more words per paragraph in order to create a maximum of 5 sentences per paragraph presented. In this instance, I feel that you could have combined the first 2 paragraphs to create a more solid information foundation for your summary. There is also a lack of analysis in this essay because you only reported on the obvious information but failed to see that there were certain points where the graphs overlap with one another. Meaning there are some slight similarities between the groups that need to be represented as well. Without that presentation, your essay comes across as mechanical and lacking in information analysis. Based on the problems of your essay, I would dare to say that you cannot score higher than a 4. If you can improve upon the problems I indicated in your next practice test, you should show an improvement in your writing style and an increased score as well.
***Hi Wong**, I have a few useful suggestions for finalizing this writing.  
First, make sure that you meet the essential requirement for writing task 1. You have to write at least 150 words. If there enables, you should writing words 160 - 175 words. Don't create the writing too long. Then, you are supposed to construct the good paragraphs. Keep in your mind that the good paragraph has at least three sentences. In the first paragraph, there consists of a paraphrase of the statement as well as an overview. The overview contains general trends occurring in the graph. Pick the attractive trends if you wanna get a high score for this case.  
  
After that, it's better on condition that you create two body paragraphs. Thus, you have to consider making groups of your explanation. Before writing, you need time for analyzing. As we know, our job in the writing task 1 is to compare figures, not to describe them separately. Unfortunately, you did not do that in the above writing. Therefore, you should do brainstorming before starting.  
  
Hopefully, those can help you to improve your skill  
GOOD LUCK*
**[IELTS] Summarize the info by reporting the main features about changes of Taft University**  
  
## university development and change

  
  
The transformation that happened on Taft University's campus from 1980 to 2005 is depicted in the maps. Overall, the campus changed from very basic administrative buildings with vast open lands to more academic areas with fewer trees and more open spaces.  
  
To the North of the Main Library and the College of Science, an open space was converted into some blocks of dormitories. Across from this area, in the Northeast, many houses were cleared and replaced with apartments. Moreover, some trees surroundings the Student Union were cut down to make way for an Arts Center and Laboratories in 1984. Seven years later, a bookstore was put in between the Arts Center and the complexes. Furthermore, a hospital was built opposite the Administration meanwhile to the far-east of the hospital, a church was installed on the corner of Fifth Avenue and Palmer Street.  
  
To the West of the supermarket, in the South, a huge open space was transformed into a Sports and Wellness Facility in 2003. To the Southwest of this area, apart from the two new parking lots, an Event Office was established in the same year. Looking at the maps, an airport was installed after demolishing an industrial area in the Southeast corner