dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## traffic jams solution

  
  
**Essay is about: Traffic congestion is becoming a huge problem for many major cities. Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce traffic in big cities.**  
  
Nowadays traffic jam has become common in most of the countries, particularly in metropolitan cities where the population grows nearly double to the growth observed in rural areas. With the rise in population of a city, an increase in the number of vehicles is expected which in turns leads to traffic congestion. Swamped roads play a crucial role in changing weather conditions, increase in the number of asthma patients and road accidents, making a situation more alarming. The government needs to address these issues and make a suitable plan to mitigate these.  
  
Firstly, One of the measures that need to be taken promptly is imposing strict traffic rules. Two cars one family rule will make sure that a small family (approximately four members) should not have more than 2 cars which indeed is not required. The rules has to be self explanatory and people can through it on state website.  
  
Secondly, giving empathize to public transport and initiating campaigns of using carpools can significantly help to drop down the usage of personal vehicles in peak hours. The fares of the buses and metros can be lower down and advertisements for carpools on social sites will consequently make the condition less bad.  
  
Thirdly, for the pedestrians, developing footpath and pedestal bridges will create room for the passing vehicles. Additionally, introducing separate bus lanes will help walkers to catch a bus without crossing a lane and can also reduce the accidents. Both of the points are essential and I believe people will prefer to opt for public transport rather than personal cars or bikes.  
  
Taking above point in consideration I believe that traffic jams will no more be frustrating for the public as they are at present, although, people have to follow the rules and regulation too to make a greater scope of impact over this issue.
@rayraja18  
Hi there!  
  
I see that you're new to the forum. Welcome!  
  
First and foremost, I recommend trying to condense and compress your thoughts into smaller chunks of sentences. There are varied techniques that you can use in order to achieve this - primarily, you can get away with it through integrating lines that are quite comparative with one another alongside omitting lines that are unnecessary. If you can do this, you'll be able to maximize the space you have for your essay. Having optimal descriptions would be key.  
  
In addition to that, ensure that the formatting of your text would be compliant to the conventions of English. Doing this will certainly make sure that your writing would be consistent with the standards that you need to have, enhancing the overall outlook of your essay.  
  
Remember: leave out what you can leave out and reference back to your learning materials when in doubt.  
  
To give you a clearer picture of how this looks, consider this:  
  
~~Nowadays t~~ Traffic jam ~~has~~ is ~~become~~ commonplace in most ~~of the~~ countries, ... double ~~to the growth observed in~~ than that of rural areas. With the ~~rise in~~ population rise ~~of a~~ in the city, an ... expected, leading to traffic congestion ~~which in ... congestion~~. ... conditions~~,~~: increase in ... accidents~~, making a situation more alarming~~ contribute to the alarming situation. ... to address ~~these issues~~ and make a ~~suitable~~ concrete plan to mitigate ~~these.~~ these issues.  
  
Observe the changes I've made and try to incorporate the techniques I've mentioned next time.  
  
Best of luck in your writing.
## equal numbers of male and female students in every subject

  
  
Should universities accept equal numbers of men and women learners in every field has always been a controversial issue throughout the century. To my point of view, I strongly assert that if colleges can set a balance between 2 genders in specific subject, the merits will definitely outweighs the demerits.  
  
To begin with, 21 century has given prominence to the equality among male and female, therefore, by having the same amount of gender enrolling to university, it can, one way or another support to this ideology. Moreover, it can be easily seen that, there has been an unbalance in the ratio of men and women in plethora of works. This might be the result of the discrepancy of sex in different area at school. The disadvantages of the divergence has shown greatly when a student go apply for a job. For example, in technology field, the number of male has outweigh the number of female, hence there will be a high chance that girls will be turn down due to the engrained perspective that boys are better at coding and programming ( the unbalance number is a clear evidence for this case).  
  
On the other hand, it is undoubtedly that each gender has its own advantages,therefore, there are some subjects that will not suitable for others.For instance, sports such as weight lifting or soccer will require player to have good health and mental in order to go under pressure and hard training program, consequently, most of female are not meet up with the requirements, so it will be right for university to accept more men than women in sport subject.  
  
In conclusion, I contend that college should have equal number of both gender in each area since it will not only create a balance of opportunity in each field but also favour the ideology of equality between male and female.
@vilender  
*Hi there!*  
  
First and foremost, ensure that the formatting of your words would all be academically appropriate. This includes making sure that the structure of your sentences are conventionally correct. If you can incorporate fundamental techniques into your writing, it would be better for the overall flow of your essay. That being said, I have noticed that this is a commonplace mistake. If you feel as though you can divide a sentence into two different parts, opt to do that rather than sticking with a non-conventional, run-on sentence.  
  
Moreover, try to also evade being repetitive with your essay. When you're creating a general outline to follow, it would be beneficial if you can follow either an inductive or deductive pattern in creating logical patterns to build your essay's overall substance.  
  
With these things in mind, I would suggest the following revisions for a small portion of your essay.  
  
~~To begin with,~~  The 21st century ... equality ~~among male and female~~ of genders.~~, therefore, b~~ By having the same ~~amount~~ proportion of gender enrolling to university, ~~it can, ... ideology~~ it will support this ideation. Moreover, it can be ~~easily seen~~ observed that~~,~~ there has been an ~~un~~imbalance in ... in ~~plethora of works~~ various fields of work. This ~~might be~~ is the result ... of sexes ~~in different area at school~~ in education. ... the divergence ~~has~~ are shown greatly when a student ~~go apply~~ applies for ~~a~~ jobs. For example, in the technology field, the number of males ~~has~~ outweighs the number of females~~,~~  - hence, there will be a high chance ~~that~~ girls will be turned down due to the ~~engrained~~ ingrained ~~perspective~~ perception that boys ... and programming ~~( the unbalance ... case)~~ because of stereotypical evidences.  
  
Notice the changes I've made. Best of luck as always in your writing!
## NEW TECHNOLOGY BROUGHT HIGHER security FOR our society

  
  
With the arrival of digital era, the use of computer technology is becoming increasingly common. Some are of the opinion that the hi-tech computer has provided people a security world while others differ in the opinion. However, I would like to argue that computer technology creates a safe world for citizens, as well as causes some problems.  
  
On the one hand, the cutting-edge technology has positive effects on protecting the whole society. The video surveillance cameras in different areas help to prevent crimes, for example, the existence of CCTV cameras is a deterrence to those potential criminals, people will think twice before commit crimes, if they notice that the cameras are everywhere. Moreover, when the police investigate criminal cases, the captured images and videos from cameras can also be the evidence in the court. Consequently, the computer technology has created a safer world for the members of the public.  
  
On the other hand, although the computer technology has brought security to the public, some negative effects are also obvious so far. For instance, a large amount of personal information are exposed on the Internet every year because of the illegal hacking activities. It is easy for people to access some illegal websites to get private information, like bank accounts or identity numbers, which may lead to some financial lost). Moreover, some online multinational crimes happen frequently, and it is very difficult to catch the criminals for the police. From this perspective, the development of computer technology can also put people's lives into dangerous.  
  
In conclusion, the computer technology is beneficial to the security of our society, but we should also consider the unsafe issues brought by it.
Some ~~are~~ of the opinion **are** that the hi-tech ... differ in ~~the~~ opinion. ~~However~~, **In my opinion,** I would like ... technology ~~creates~~ **has created** a safe world ... as ~~causes~~ **caused** ~~some~~ **various** problems.  
  
people will **have to** think twice before ~~commit~~ **commiting** crimes  
  
... created a safer **(better)**world for ...  
  
and it is very difficult for police to catch them  
  
put people's lives into ~~dangerous~~ **danger**
@JINGHAN  
Hi there!  
  
Welcome to the forum.  
  
First and foremost, I recommend that you try to enhance the overall outlook of your essay through using more an academically appropriate structure.  
  
Additionally, using a more structured or outline-based writing method would help you incorporate more substance into your essay without losing touch of the formalities that are necessary.  
  
With that, try revising portions of your essay that have lengthy or bulky sentences. If you feel as though you can get away with separating your thoughts into particular parts (by using transition words, for instance), opt to do that than having run-on sentences.  
  
In order to give more clarity to your essay, it would be beneficial if you can use a firmer voice in your written text.  
  
Let me revise a small part of your essay to give you an idea of what this looks like.  
  
On the one hand, ~~the~~ cutting-edge ... protecting ~~the whole~~ society. ~~The v~~Video ... help ~~to prevent~~ deter crimes, for example; ~~, the existence ... criminals,~~ people will think twice before ~~commit crimes~~ committing crimes~~,~~ if they notice that there are cameras ~~are~~ everywhere. ... cases, ~~the~~ captured ~~images and videos~~ footage from cameras ~~can also ... the court~~ are court evidences. Consequently, ~~the~~ computer ... for ~~the members of~~ the public.  
  
Keep these in mind as you are writing - and hope I helped. Best of luck in your writing!
## The Power of Prevention

  
  
Can anyone check this essay, please please  
  
**The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this.  
To what extent do you agree?**  
A recurring topic which is debated nowadays is related to dealing with health issues. It is suggested that preventing a disease is more effective than treating it and therefore, the government should increase its expenditure. I personally strongly concur with this viewpoint as this essay will demonstrate.  
  
Analysing the means that a government can enhance its spending and succeed in prevention, the first one that springs to my mind is by educating and increasing cognizance among people. To clarify this further, the government can start tackling health issues by implementing training programmes where people can be taught about negative effects of sedentary lifestyle and unhealthy diet and other life choices. For example, someone who smokes can be deterred from smoking if he learns about the ramifications of smoking such as lung cancer. Moreover, health visitors can also be assigned to visit children and elderly in their residences to make sure they are healthy and looked after appropriately. Thus, education can play a key role in preventing diseases.  
  
Another area where the government can increase its expenditure is vaccination. These days, many parents opt out of immunisation due to baseless rumours. For instance, a parent refuses to vaccinate his child against mumps, measles and rubella owing to fear of autism. Hence, the government can confront this issue by punishing these parents and removing children from their care.  
  
Finally, the government can also increase its budget for primary health care. This will certainly enable the health care professionals such as pharmacists and general practitioners to serve their designated area efficiently. To illustrate, a pharmacist working in a well-funded pharmacy can have the appropriate staffing level to afford the time to advise a patient on various ways of smoking cessation. Therefore, an efficient primary healthcare is crucial to improve health and avoid progression and exacerbation of diseases.  
  
In conclusion, I am a firm proponent of enhancement of budget to prevent diseases rather than treating them and the government should adopt this view by putting the afore-mentioned suggestions into practice.
@Diligent Student  
  
Hi there!  
  
I'll do my best to help you with your essay.  
  
First and foremost, I recommend that you try to have a more straightforward approach to writing. Remember that while transition and filler words are essential, they can also compromise the clarity of your text. This means that you should focus more on the depth and substantion rather than how "complex" the sentence appears. Master this - and you'll be able to focus more on content.  
  
Additionally, evade being repetitive with your words. Using synonyms can help you tremendously with this. If not, you can always rely on biulding a set structure that will help you create a more derivative outline that would help you in the long-run.  
  
Merging both of these comments together will help you tailor-fit your content to a more academic level.  
  
That being said, **let's revise** to give you an idea of what I mean.  
  
... that ~~a~~ the government can ~~enhance~~ increase its spending ~~and succeed in~~ on prevention, the first ~~one that ... people~~ step can be to educate and spread awareness among the people. ~~To clarify this f~~Further, the government ... taught ~~about~~ the negative effects of sedentary lifestyles and unhealthy diet ~~and other life~~ choices. For example, ~~someone who ... from~~ efforts to deter smoking can be achieved if he learns ~~about~~ the ramifications ... Moreover, health visitors can ~~also~~ be ... and the elderly ... to ~~make~~ ensure they are ~~healthy and~~ looked after appropriately. ...  
  
Best of luck in your writing.
## visitors of Edinburgh attractions

  
  
The line graph illustrates the proportion of people to Scotland who visited four different temptations in Edinburgh.  
Roughly speaking, the total amount of tourists who visited had a fluctuation for these years. It is worth noting that the figure for travellers who visited zoo increased dramatically, while the number of people who came to aquarium fell substantially.  
  
In 1980, the figure for people who visited festival peaked at 30%. Fewer tourists came to aquarium and castle with 20% and about 24% respectively. Nevertheless, the number of visitors went to zoo hit to the lowest point of 10%.  
  
By 2010, the amount of tourists who came to these places fluctuated except festival. We can see that the trend for festival was similar. The proportion of people who visited zoo fluctuated between 10% and 20% from 1980 to 2010. There was a sharp increase in tourists who visited aquarium from 20% to about 35% between 1980 and 1985 then fell substantially to about 8% in 2010. Most tourists wen to castle in the year 1995. There was a gradual increase from about 24% to about 44% by the first half of 1995. The amount of people descended gradually form about 44% to about 31% till 2010.  
  
*
@rus147  
Hello there.  
  
Welcome to the forum.  
  
Firstly, I suggest omitting unnecessary and irrelevant lines in your essay. Because you are constrained by a word count, I recommend that you try to tailor-fit and use only terms and lines that you wish to use.  
  
While filler words and terms that describe approximations would be helpful, they can also tend to drag your essay because you lose space to have more substantiation and depth.  
  
Be cautious of the structure of your sentences as well. If you are unable to determine by yourself these mishaps, I recommend trying to look over reference books and materials that would help you.  
  
In addition to this, ensure that you always use appropriate synonymous words. Clarity is crucial in writing.  
  
**Let's revise** a few parts of your essay.  
  
... four different ~~temptations~~ in Edinburgh.  
  
~~Roughly speaking, t~~The total ... visited ~~had~~ experienced a fluctuation ~~for~~ over the~~se~~ years. ~~It is worth noting that t~~ The figure ... visited zoos increased ...  
  
Best of luck in your writing.
## NOWADAYS kids spend their free time in a different way

  
  
*Feel free to read and help me check when necessary ^^*  
**TOPIC:** ***New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?***  
  
It has been widely noted that youngsters are alternatively consumed their leisure time within the advent of contemporary technological devices. While I accept that this propensity has exerted both benefits and drawbacks, I would argue that there are more advantages than disadvantages.  
  
On the one hand, there are two major demerits when children devote much of their spared time for recreational electronic devices. First of all, scientific evidences have proven that electronic devices such as smartphones and computers are of great detriment for their physical health. Scientifically, children expose to electromagnetic waves and blue light from modern technological gadgets may suffer from certain illnesses, some of which are headache or eye-strain. Besides, another drawbacks of technological innovations is that they might act as a deterrent against family bond. With the presence of the up-to-date technological tools, the youth spend a great amount of time on exploring such interesting things from the tools to serve their diversified purposes, but the time for communicating and family activities among the members is diminished. Thus, those disadvantages of cutting-edge devices are underestimated.  
  
On the other hand, I support the view of those who believe that the benefits of electronic devices outweigh the drawbacks. Initially, society is connected all around the world thanks to the widespread popularity of the Internet. For instance, teenagers are likely to use their smartphones or laptops so that they can make video calls or find new friends. Also, latest technologies unfold the possibility of recreation and education without leaving the comfort of their homes. Playing games, watching videos or listening to music serve as a remedy for minimizing strain after a lesson. Therefore, contemporary gadgets which have adjusted the way children fill their leisure time become a motivation for learning.  
  
In conclusion, despite the fact that modern technological devices may cause deriments to the young, I am convinced that the merits are of more of significant. Hence, children should enhance understanding about utilizing the latest technology wisely and sufficiently.
@Wendynguyen803  
Hello there!  
  
First and foremost, I think that your essay is well-written from the get-go. What I would recommend is only integrating techniques that would help you create simpler and yet more effective structures. Using these methods would help you trim down the small mistakes that you make (technicalities-wise), so you can focus on having more depth in your content and substance.  
  
With that being said, I am not necessarily saying omitting all of the descriptive lines that you have. Rather, being more strategic about their placement - and only using them when necessary and not as filler words.  
  
Let me show you what I mean by providing an example through a revision.  
  
..., I support ~~the view of those who believe~~ that the benefits ... ~~Initially, s~~ Society is connected ~~all~~ around the world thanks to the ~~widespread~~ popularity (...) use their smartphones ~~or~~ and laptops ~~so that they can~~ to make video (...) without leaving ~~the comfort of~~ their homes. ... as a remedy for ~~minimizing strain~~ relaxing after a lesson. ... leisure time has become a ...  
  
Best of luck in your writing as always.
## Lack of knowledge about the place where we live

  
  
As much as the human have been relying on the nature ever since our first existences, ironically people barely recognize the significance of the natural world. There are several explainations for that paradox, but some feasible solutions will be proposed now.  
  
The lack of appreciation toward the natural world can be attributed to a few different causes. The most noticable one may be the increasingly technological development. Along with rapid urbanization, less exposure to the nature deprive people's curiosity and gratitude about the world. Additionally, due to a substantial insufficience of education, people are willing to choose to destroy the environment and exhaust all the resources they can possibly get to maximize the short-term profit, or maybe to fulfill their personal satisfaction. For example, to reduce the cost of disposal treatment, a number of companies release toxic waste directly into rivers; or a lot of endangered wild animal's products such as tiger skin or rhino horn, which proved to be of absolutely no values, are illegally bought as symbol of status.  
  
However, it is not too late to take steps to tackle the issue. One possible action should be considered is restructuring urban-rural population distribution. Once depopulation in the countryside area decreases by making more employment opportunities outside the city, for intance, interaction between people and the nature will obviously escalate. Besides, eco-friendly lifestyle should be widely promoted. In fact, rooftop garden are gaining more popularity among urban citizens; or some famous chain cafeterias like Highland VN encourage customers to bring their glass bottles and steel straws by giving them an extra amount of drink.  
  
In conclusion, nowadays when we are facing numberous real challenges from environmental degradation which we are both the perpetrators and the victims, a sense of honour to the importance of the natural world should be instilled. Some reasons are detected, then some solution can be implemented now.