dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
**To learn effectively, children need to eat a healthy meal at school. How true is this statement ? Whose responsibility is it to provide food for school children?**  
  
Children periods is a time to get more attention, like what are they eat or how the study or learn at the second. Parents must know about growing their children, especially when they are go o school, parent must know the factor which make learn of their children more effective. Some people argue that, children must eat a healthy meal at school and I totally agree with this statement.  
  
Healthy meal is food that contains protein, carbohydrate, vitamin, mineral and fat. This is have benefit for children to make them learn effectively when study, especially at the school. Healthy meal causes concentration of children better, because there are many good contain. For example: in my hometown, I have friend who like eat junk food, it is make him always sleepy when study at the school and it makes the less concentration. While, I usually eat healthy meal like milk, bread or buy fruit. It makes me always concentration when studied. Based on the case, we can say healthy meal for children make learn effective because if they eat unhealthy like junk food, it can make them sleepy and less concentration. It is caused there are bad containing in unhealthy meal.  
  
Healthy meal which eat of children are responsibility of parents ad teacher at the school. Parents must give attention for their child and give explanation about healthy meal is important for them. Besides, they must give behavior for their children to eat healthy meal or they can prepare for their children before go to school such as, milk, fruits, or bread. However, teacher is important also to teach their student about good meal. They must give attention in the canteen at the school to sell a healthy meal.  
  
All in all, I believe that, eating a healthy meal at the school make children to learn effectively and more concentration, because have good contain for their brain. Parent and teacher have responsibility about this, parents can make or prepare healthy meal for their children before go to school and teacher can give expalanation and make attention in the canteen of school about good meal for students.
Hi. Here are my suggestions for you.  
  
Children periods is a time to get more ...  
==> Childhood is the right time for us to give our attention to our children, especially about their food and their study.  
  
Parents must know about ~~growing their children~~**their****children's development**, especially when they are ~~go~~**going** o school**(.)** parent ~~must~~**should** know the factor which ~~make~~**makes**~~learn~~**learning** of their children more effective.  
  
Some people argue that~~( ,)~~ children must ...  
  
This ~~is have~~**has** benefit for children to ...  
  
For example: ..., I have friend who **likes** eat junk food, it ~~is~~**makes** him always sleepy ...  
It makes me always ~~concentration~~**concentrate** when studied.  
  
Suggestions:  
1. When you are suggest something, it could be better if you use "should" than "must"  
2. I suggest you to give the reason why the teacher and the school are responsibility to provide the best food for the children. It can make your idea reasonable.  
  
Keep practising.  
Goodluck and Keep Spirited.
I woke up at 4 in the morning to my mom hysterical crying and me not being able to do anything about it. Not being able to get up out of my bed just watching my mom cry was a feeling I will never forget. When I was four years old I got diagnosed with Guillain Barre which is a sickness that 1 in 100,000 people get. When I first went to the hospital, the doctors did not know what was wrong with me since it was such a rare sickness. Guillain Barre is something that progress over time, so when my mom first took me to the hospital for being weak, they sent me home saying I have the flu. It took a few days and many different tests to confirm I had Guillain Barre. After it was confirmed, it changed my whole life, I had to receive blood transfusions to try to help me gain control again. It was a scary moment how I went from being able to do something as simple as getting out of bed to needing assistance for everything I did. I could not even use the bathroom by myself or brush my teeth or my hair, I could not do things a four-year-old was supposed to be able to do. I had to stay in the hospital for 3 months and 3 different hospitals. Since I was paralyzed I needed to learn how to walk, talk, and do everything all over again.  
  
Waking up one morning being able to control your body then waking up another day not being able to control anything in my body was a scary feeling. Going through this obstacle helped me realize what really matters in life. Health, family, my independence and living each day as if tomorrow doesn't exist. While staying in the hospital, I was around people that were in worse conditions then me. For example, there was a girl named Pricilla who was diagnosed with Cerebral palsy, she is confined to a wheelchair her whole life. I'm thankful for the opportunity to gain my independence again and gain control of my body again. Family is important to me because, through everything I have been through they have always been here for me. They spent Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years in the hospital with me. For Thanksgiving, my father bought a whole turkey to the hospital. For Christmas, my family brought all the gifts to the hospital and we all opened our presents in the hospital. There were certain days that I wasn't able to eat and if I didn't eat, they would not eat with me. No one knows what tomorrow holds, so you have to live your life as if tomorrow does not exist.  
  
This experience has made me humble and appreciate the value of life. I went from brushing my teeth myself, taking a bath myself, talking, walking to needing assistance for everything. It made me feel weak and helpless at the time. My independence has become such a relevant factor in my life since there was a time I was not able to have it. Some days it is taken for granted because it is so natural to some of us. This experience has motivated me to pursue a career in the medical field. There is one quote in which I live off of and that is "Live, Laugh, Laugh".
Lydia, I can tell that you have written this essay as part of a college common app prompt. I am just not sure which one it is that you are trying to answer. Is it about the background story? I think it would be better if you can provide a copy of the prompt that you are responding to so that I can offer you a better analysis of the essay. You see, sometimes, specific prompts ask for specific information or a certain writing style. I want to be sure that I offer you the best advice possible in relation to the instructions you were given. In the meantime, here is a general review of your essay.  
  
There is a lack of follow through on the topic of your mother crying hysterically at 4 am and you seeing her doing so. Is this a scene that you want to build upon further in your revised essay or would you feel comfortable removing it? I suggest removing it because your succeeding paragraphs do not make mention of your mother and that incident anymore. The focus of the essay went from her, in the opening statement, to you throughout. Which is how it should be.  
  
Now, mind your tense usage as well. When you discuss Priscilla, you do so from a present point of view while the rest of the paragraph was developed in the past. I believe that Priscilla should also be discussed in the same past manner. Keep in mind that your essay seems to be speaking in hindsight so proper tense usage is quite important at this point.  
  
As for the rest of my observations, those will have to wait till I get a copy of the prompt guide from you. I hope these comments can help for now. I promise to deliver more improvement suggestions as soon as I receive the guide question.
@Holt  
Hi Holt,  
Yes, this essay is part of the college common app prompt. The question is some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. I put my mom as my first sentence in my essay because, I wanted something to grab the readers attention and I thought it would. I would consider removing it but, what would you recommend I replacing it with ?  
  
Thank you for telling me about my tense problems and for the suggestions.
HI Lydia, I do suggest removing that line because it doesn't really offer much of a relation to the next sentence or in the overall context of that paragraph. You don't really have to replace it with anything because your essay is pretty much straightforward from that point. Which is something that the reviewer will appreciate. A hook only works well if it helps inform the reader about the succeeding parts of your essay. When a hook stands alone like the one you have now, it doesn't really help the essay move forward. So it becomes a useless part of the overall essay. If you want to replace it, you will need to come up with an event that is attention grabbing. For example, relate the first instance when you realized you couldn't move without the help of others, you did not understand why, and you panicked. Bring the reviewer into your world and make it as vivid as you can. That is a hook that just might help your essay along.
**Customer satisfaction levels with the US airline services and spesific aspects in 1999, 2000, 2007**  
  
The chart gives the information about levels of costumer satisfaction with the US airlines services in 1999, 2000 and 2007. The table serves the data about customer satisfaction levels with specific aspects of flight experience in Gullup Polls. Overall, most of customer satisfied with the job nation's major airlines are doing. The highest of customer satisfaction because courtesy of flight attendants.  
  
Based on chart, there was a slight rise of customer satisfaction with airlines services. It increased by four percent in 2000 and by three percent in 2007. Although, customer who dissatisfied fell sharply by five percent in 2007, at 29% to 24%. Comparison both satisfied and dissatisfied, customer satisfied was more than twice compare with they who dissatisfied, were at 72% and 24% in the last year.  
  
The table shows there was a smooth increase of customer satisfied levels with aspect of courtesy of flight attendants, from 90% to 92% (in 2000 and 2007). The second largest came from courtesy of check in, at 88% in 2007, which decreased by one percent from period recently. Price of tickets and schedules aspects just were same, at under 80%. And the least is comfort of seats, at 47%. (197w)  
  
*
Hello Ba'da! I will give you some opinions about your essay.  
  
(1) Overall, *You can add 'it is noticable that or it is important to note that...* most ~~of~~ customer satisfied with the job nation's major airlines ~~are doing~~**that had been served**.  
  
(2) The highest **percentage** of customer satisfaction **was** because **of** courtesy of flight attendants.  
(3) ~~Although~~**However or On the other hand**, customer who dissatisfied ...  
*You have to use although or eventhough for contradiction opinions or facts in one sentence*  
(4) **The** Comparison both satisfied and dissatisfied **that**, customer**s which** satisfied was more than twice **as many as**~~compare with~~ they who dissatisfied,...  
(5) *And* the least ~~is~~**was** comfort of seats, at 47%.  
*Avoid using FANBOYS in the first sentence --> for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so*  
  
Good luck!
be careful with spelling  
costumer --> seems with tailor or seamstress  
customer --> a person who buys goods or a service  
The chart gives the information about levels of customer satisfaction with the US airlines services in 1999, 2000 and 2007.  
  
meanwhile , customer who (...) by five percent in 2007 from 29% to 24%.  
be careful if you use prepositions in time expressions  
e.g : between ...and......  
from ....... to.........  
  
Overall, it can be seen that most of customer ...  
be careful with past tense  
  
Thank you  
Break a leg
***To learn effectively, children need to eat a healthy meal at school. How true is this statement ? Whose responsibility is it to provide food for school children?***  
  
Health is the main crucial factor in which every child should be met. Therefore, some people argue that there is school's responsibility to provide healthy food in the vicinity of school. I am personally more likely to agree this notion because I believe school is one of the main environment to educate children how to make life healthier.  
  
One of the crucial facilities that school has is canteen where most of students must go to that place. Thus, school has a responsibility to control what canteen provide to children. Taking an example, in my country, there is a favorite school whose name is Islamic Boarding School Athirah. This school is fully responsible for what students consume when break time comes. Every day, staff provide different menu according to health department standard. Moreover, parents feel satisfied of school's service.  
  
In addition, children spending approximately 8 hours a day, basically, need to have healthy meal to encourage their learning activities in their school. According to the latest study in state University of Makassar, 85 percent of schools in developing countries have unhealthy canteen where students always have lunch. As a result, 3 in 5 students prone to disease due to bacteria and unhealthy food they consumed. Also, the average of kids get absent up to five times a month.  
  
To sum up, need of healthy dish is one of the essential matters people have to meet especially for children in age school. There is no doubt, school has fully control to keep children healthy and its environment clean. I would like to suggest that parents should consider cleanness factor of school where their children will enroll.  
  
**(274 words)**
Hello IBEEEEE! I will give you some opinions about your essay.  
  
I think you have develop your essay in a good way. You success paraphrase the question and mention all of key words in your introduction. Furthermore, you have explain clearly about whose the person that responsible to served healthy meal in your body paragraph 1. However, I miss one key word in your essay about **how effectively diet can influence children's learning ability at school**. I know that you have mentioned it in your introduction, but at least you give your agreement about the question in body 2. For example, **I believe that healthy food does not relate towards the development of student's ability, but the other main factor, such as provide hygine canteen at school, is more reliable to improve children's ability**  
  
Overall, I can get your idea easily without any difficulties. In addition, you covered all your idea in conclusion and give a suggestion. It is good.  
  
Good luck IBE!
**To learn effectively, children need to eat a healthy meal at school. How true is this statement ? Whose responsibility is it to provide food for school children?**  
  
In this era, children have many activities in school from in the morning until in the afternoon. To support the education, children must eat healthy food. As a result, process education will be better and children can study more effective.  
  
Eating healthy food can surely give the best effect for students to get high score. Firstly, children attend to the class everyday because they do not sick. Secondly, they can concentrate while they are studying and they will more focus to listen what their teacher say. Finally, they can be smart because of nutrition that they have consumed everyday. For instance, based on the research in 2005, children who have IQ more than 100 always consumed healthy food that contains vitamin and protein. Although, there is a few child who always eat good food but still get bad score, it happens because they do not want study.  
  
However, schools and parents are those who have responsibility to serve healthy food when children are studying in school. Because children usually buy food in school canteen, school have to make sure that the food is certainly fresh and clean. School can filter the food that can be sold in canteen and check the expired date of each food. After that, the condition of canteen itself must clean, because bacteri will be growth in dirty place. In the other hand, parents need to serve high quality food for their children if they are affraid about the food condition at school. They can give food with high nutrition, vitamin, and also include some fruits in children's meal. However, someone who lives closer to children is the one that have to make sure what children eat.  
  
To sum up, healthy food is very important to make children fit. Beside that, school and parent have to give the best meal for children to support education process at school. In my opinion, children should protect themselves from dangerous food and obey what their parents or teacher in school suggesting to them about food.
~~from in the morning until in the afternoon~~*it is okay to say " from/since morning to afternoon*  
  
more focus ~~to listen what their teacher say~~*ON listening what their teacherS say*  
  
Although, there ~~is a few child~~*are a few children*  
  
School can filter the food that ~~can be~~*is* sold in canteen  
  
because bacteri**a** will be ~~growth~~*grown*  
  
~~In~~*ON* the other hand,  
  
include some fruit~~s~~*fruit is uncountable noun*  
  
... is the one that ~~have~~*has* to make sure ...
**The chart and table below show customer satisfaction levels in the US with airlines and aspects of air travel in 1999, 2000, and 2007.**  
  
The chart and the table gives information about the number of satisfaction levels by costumer with the job are doing of the nation's major air lines and specific factors which make customer happy when fly with air travel in the US in 1999, 2000, and 2007 there was gradual rise in satisfaction level of customer and there were 5 aspects, which made people enjoy when fly with air travel, over the 3 period of years, there was slight increase of satisfaction.  
  
In 1999, customers were happy with air lines stood at 65 percent. And then rose 69 percent in 2000. After that, there was a small increase as much as 72 percent of satisfaction levels in 2007. On the one hand, there were 5 factors which made people satisfaction when using air travel, which were courtesy of flight attendants, courtesy of check-in, price of tickets, schedules and comfort of seats. Based on the table between 1999, 2000, and 2007, the percentage of aspects always grew up were courtesy of flight attendant from 88-92, and the price of tickets 45-65. While, the percentage of gate agent aspects fluctuated from 87 to 89 percent and the end 88 percent. And about schedules factor there was slight grow from 75 to 79 in 1999 to 2000 and the end the percentage was 79 percent in 2007.  
  
*
HELLO,  
there was [a ] gradual rise in satisfaction level[s ] of customer and (...) there was [a ] slight increase of satisfaction.  
  
And then rose [to ] 69 percent in 2000.  
... always grew up were [was ] courtesy of flight ...  
... from 87 to 89 percent and [at ] the end 88 percent. And about schedules factor [punctuation mark here ] there was [a ] slight grow (...) to 2000 and [at ] the end the percentage ...  
  
GLUCK:D
***To learn effectively, children need to eat healthy meal at school. How true is this statement? Whose responsibility is it to provide food for school children?***  
  
Children must consume nutrition food at school to study effectively. This is true notion since meal supports the activity of brain when studying. Teachers and parents should responsible to give a healthy meal for them.  
  
Studying activities force children to think hard. Their brain must work more to accept and keep the knowledge from learning. Therefore, children should eat a nutrition meal to help their brain when thinking. Taking research result from World Health Organization about correlation between food and ability of brain. The data shows that the ability of children's brain to understand and keep the information from school subjects in their memory 45% depend on the food which they consume. As a result, when children eat a health food at school, it will help them to learn more effective.  
  
Teachers and parents have a responsibility to provide a nutrition meal for school children. When at school, teacher must ensure that all food in school canteen is healthy. Meanwhile parents have to control and keep the healthy condition with always give their children healthy food at home. My mother and teacher of my brother for instance. My mother always cook by herself every day to make sure that she always gives a healthy food for her children. Whereas, the teacher who teach my brother at elementary school always do controlling to the quality of food which are provided for school children especially to know the nutrition on those foods. Lastly, if all teachers and mothers do the same activities like my mother and teacher of my brother, all children will grow up smart and healthy.  
  
To sum up, I believe that is true if children want to study effectively, they must eat a healthy meal at school. Furthermore, teachers and parents have to provide these foods for school children.
Hi miss mei. Here are my suggestions towards your essay  
  
Teachers and parents should responsible  
You can change this sentence to be "teachers and parents should be the ones who are responsible to give...."  
  
Studying activities forces children to think harder . Their brain must work ~~more~~harder to accept and keep the knowledge from learning source .  
... help their brain when they are thinking.  
... Health Organization about the correlation between food and the ability of brain.  
... subjects in their memory depends on~~45% depend on~~ the food which they consume, having 45 percent of total requirement factors of their brain development .  
  
I hope it can be helpful for you.  
Goodluck and Keep Spirited.
HELLO,  
  
Studying activities force children to think [more] hard/ [harder ].  
Taking [a ] research result from (...) and ability of brain. The data shows [it also can be connected to be one sentence ] that the ability of ...  
  
... when children eat a ~~health~~ [healthy ] food at school, ...  
  
... at elementary school always do controlling [you can say: controls ] to the quality of ...  
  
GLUCK:D