dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hailung, your essay does its best to represent two possible and doable solutions in terms of resolving the traffic congestion in major cities. That is good because the effect of the 2 lines of reasoning pushes your lexical resource and grammar accuracy score up. However, the limited paraphrasing of the given prompt reduces your task accuracy ability. A lengthened opening presentation that accurately represented the outline of your discussion would have helped to increase your TA and GRA scores. While the English grammar used is not smooth or fluent, the English terms that you used showed that you tried to increase your lexical resource with the use of complex words. However, run on sentences still exist in the essay and prevent you from creating a proper and fluid discussion paragraph. You have to learn how to divide your sentences into two during instances when you wish to discuss two connected thoughts in the same sentence. Your concluding paragraph is very ineffective in the sense that it does not properly wrap up the essay discussion through a restated prompt, summary of your offered solutions, and closing sentence. The closing sentence must not provide any new ideas in relation to the original prompt requirement. Your conclusion presented was a shortcut of the expected prompt concluding statement. Being only one sentence long, it doesn't really help to increase your score in any aspect of the 4 scoring criteria. All things considered though, you developed a pretty good discussion of the prompt requirement and could very well score at least a 6 with this practice test.
*Research indicates that the characteristic we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in life . Which do you consider to be the major influence?*  
  
## **Natural VS Nurture**

  
  
Every person has different form of growing and developing. Research reveals that natural has much more effect on people personality than nurture. Personally, I think that nurture plays a big role to shape people personality.  
  
Natural is an internal factor existing in people since they were born. It consists of heredity, potential, talent, and intelligence. All of them are able to influence on people character as long as they are growing. These aspects have existed since people come to world, and people use it for all activities due to the fact that it will determine people figure indirectly. It is evident that, if there are parents who have talent in music, their child also will have good ability in music. Child get that gift from parents. It is called heredity.  
  
However, nurture as an external factor has a strong relation with people personality. It involves many things like surroundings and experiences. Surroundings consist of family, school, and society. This will collaborate to form people's identity. It provides much experience for people so that they are able to learn about social values, rules, and many more. In similar case, even children have good talent in music, if they are not improving it, their talent will not evolve. Unfortunately, it will disappear. It is proven that people need much more experience to develop their talent.  
  
All in all, I think that personality and development are able to formed by experience that people obtain goes by time. But it is better if the natural is supported by nurture.
***Hi Reza**, I have read this essay closely. In my vantage point, your essay is a good job, but you have still needed a few improvements to achieve a high score.  
  
When you wanna deliver a noun, you have to recognize that the noun is countable or not. The word "natural" is the countable noun so that you don't forget to place articles. Perhaps, you think that is a minor error, but that word relates to a keyword of your topic. If you make many minor errors, there is not a doubt that your score will be reduced. In any case, you use more pronoun "it". I guess you can use other words such as "the factor" and "this". It is important to show that you have a variety of vocabulary, which can enhance your score for the lexical resource.  
  
You are supposed to strengthen your idea in the first body paragraph by using the relating example. Actually, you displayed the example, but it has still seemed vague information. It's better if you directly a famous person as the example, relating to your description. I believe you can do that in the next term. After that, a closer look at your second body reveals that there was a statement which broke your flow.  
  
if they are not improving it, their talent will not evolve  
In my view, you should place that in end of the first body paragraph. That can become a concession being able to support your opinion in the next paragraph. Exactly you can find a difficulty in arranging the good flow, but you can master this on condition that you read more examples of the essay. Lastly, you have to recognize a difference between a conjunction and linking word. There was officially a linking word, but you picked the conjunction up. Please be aware of delivering proper linking words to create the good flow. It is paramount because your job in the writing task 2 is to communicate so that you endeavor how reviewers can read your essay easily.  
  
Hopefully, those can help you for finalizing your essay.  
GOOD LUCK*
**The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.**  
  
## Australian Home and Energy Usage

  
  
The two pie charts present the proportion of energy use in an average Australian household and the greenhouse gas emissions from each activities. The total amount of energy use are divided into six categories as follows: water heating, refrigeration, lighting, cooling, heating and other appliances.  
  
According to the first chart, heating and water heating are the major energy use among all activities, which contribute 42% and 30% respectively; while refrigeration, lighting and cooling have smaller percentage, at 7%, 4%, 2% respectively.  
  
When it comes to greenhouse gas emissions. water heating and other appliances are the top two activities, which account for 32% and 28%; while lighting and cooling are the two that generate less greenhouse gas emissions, at 8% and 3%. It is worth noting that the energy use of heating is around 40% but its greenhouse gas emissions is less than 20%.  
  
It can be concluded from the two chart that heating and water heating are the two large sources of consuming energy; while water heating and other appliances generates more greenhouse gas emissions than other activities do.  
  
*
@matteo1222  
Hi! it is amazing because i did do your prompts and you could go to my page and check i hope you will take some experiences from it,  
  
firstly, i think this essay is not really goo because you did miss so many thing that not only on the pie charts but also on the you should know that this is the academic essay so you have to do analyze, which is not on the grap but you have to find by your self  
  
Secondly, this is the manner, you should fowlow this which I am not so sure.  
on the over view you should give the overal information,  
on the body you should give the statement, data and comment
Po, I do not think you can get more than a 4 with this type of essay writing. While you started off strong with your highly informative and engaging summary opening, your writing quality and information dissemination fell in standard in the succeeding parts. This is because you decided to not really do the comparisons of similar points in the essay. You merely stated the facts. If you read the prompt again, you will see that the instructions you were given to accomplish in the task were two-fold. That of reporting the main data and then, comparing the information. This was not accomplished properly in the essay. Your paragraph development is also inconsistent because you opted to separate the thoughts using semicolons, which do not help you to meet the minimum 3 sentence requirement of the essay. While the semicolon does help you to present related information to a certain extent, it does not properly separate the presentations so that the essay becomes factual in presentation and allows the reader the space he needs while reading for the analysis of the information being presented.
Hi, Im also working towards IELTS writting, I have some points see if you can update your essay with them.  
  
1. you can add overall trend in the 1st paragraph  
2. comparision is the weakness of this essay  
3. you can use some good vocabulory, such as generatation, energy consumption, primary resource, domestic consumption, constitute  
  
I wish those points would help you, and by the way, can you help my essay as well? thanx
*Most people say that life without smartphones today would be impossible. However, a minority argue that the word would be better if it were smartphone - free. What is your opinion?*  
  
## better world without smartphones?

  
  
The twenty first century is known as the technological era, humankind is dominated by high technology. That said, anywhere at any time of the day, you can see the state - of - the - art devices, particularly smartphones. A great number of people argue that without smartphones, it is difficult to people to survive. However, many argue that our life will be no longer hustle and bustle anymore if we do not use smartphones.  
  
One the one hand, smartphone has numerous benefits. Compare to the first generation of telephones which are bulky and have little function, mobile phones now are more tricky and compact, so you can bring them anywhere you like. Not only do they use to text messages or make phone calls, but they also alike laptops that can access the network, download information. What is more, thanks to would - be phones, people acquire new skills or update latest news. Taking picture is no longer need a camera because today you have smartphone having a function to do that. The quality of pictures is in no way interior to one's camera.  
  
On the other hand, some who continue to suggest otherwise, arguing the world would be better if it were smartphone - free. Living without the, we are become cooler person, when we hang out with friends, for example, we interact more and do not focus on phones which give rise to a stable friendship. Being phone - free, more time do you relax, much stress will you decrease. No e - mails, no phone calls, no messages, that means there will no pressure.  
  
In conclusion, like everything else, Smartphones also have merits and demerits. But I'm in favor of using smartphones to make our life better and more modern. And of course, you must using it effectively to make positive use of such advanced technology.
Nguyen, you missed out on representing the most important aspect of the prompt. That is, the part of the prompt that asks for your opinion on the topic. Your personal opinion is (required) to be presented as part of the opening statement, along with the paraphrased prompt. Without a significant ownership of the opinion to be presented in the essay, the reader, will not be aware of the type of essay that you have written for his review. The concluding paragraph is flawed because you started a sentence with the word "And" which is actually a connecting word. So without a prior thought to connect to the sentence, you have a grammatically inaccurate sentence in that paragraph. Though your line of reasoning is good and is representative of the prompt requirements, the fact that you made some serious errors at the start and end of the essay has left me with the opinion that your score in this case will fall somewhere between a 4 or 5, based upon the more detailed requirements of the examiner.
@Hoanglong  
Let me give you some feedback..  
  
You should present a clear position and give your personal opinion in the first paragraph  
Living without them  
we ~~are~~  will become cooler person *It will better if you use future form in this sentence*  
more time ~~do~~  you feel relaxation (double verb)  
No e - mails, ~~no~~ phone calls~~, no~~ and messages *(redundant)*
Hi, Nguyen.  
  
I recommend taking the idea of your last paragraph to the top. You can use it to make a statement of your opinion. For example:  
  
Some people say the world will be better without smartphones, but I think using smartphones will make our life better and more modern. Using this advance technology effectively can give us benefits.  
  
Then you can list the benefits according to you, and elaborate them in paragraphs. One idea per paragraph.  
For example, you've mentioned that "people acquire new skills" with smartphones. You can use this as the main idea for paragraph two. Explain by mentioning how exactly does smartphones help people get new skills. For example, smartphones have English vocabulary game application that people can use to improve their vocabulary.  
  
Write the main idea for each paragraphs first. Make sure each idea and its details support your main statement (using smartphones will make our life better and more modern).  
  
Good luck!
**Some people argue that it is important to have an enjoyable life than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to be better life. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.**  
  
## good life vs great money

  
  
It is undeniable that life is once and we have to enjoy our life without spending our time in get huge incoming. Others, however, believe that we can get everything if we have so enormous money that most people think that getting much money is important. This essay will try to elaborate both of views with some consideration.  
  
Most people have a belief that by having much money, they can buy whatever they want such as luxury house, expensive car and etc. Furthermore wealthy people can buy whatever to eat, control their health regularly and also visiting wherever they want to visit. However, they have to concentrate on getting a big income, consequently they may work hard and spend much time on it. Otherwise some wealthy people not enjoy both of their life and their jobs. It is clear to sum up that rich people get stress more easily.  
  
On the other hand, happiness cannot be bought by money. Happiness comes depending on the way people think. Although someone has little money, they are happy about it. Taking teachers an example who have small income, they spend more their time in enjoying work rather than do other hedonistic activities. They enjoy their work owing to the fact that they love to do so. it indicates that happiness can be get by enjoy the job even lack of money.  
  
To sum up, money is not guarantee people to get happiness. Although rich people can do more by their money, they cannot totally enjoy their life. Instead, they have to think that what they have is always enough.
Agus, the essay cannot receive a score higher than a 4 due to the missing elements of the prompt requirement in your response essay. The prompt requirement is clear, you are supposed to accurately discuss both sides, as provided in the topic statement, and then, present your personal opinion regarding the subject being discussed. Your essay did not follow this format. What I saw in your essay was that you failed to signify that you would be discussing your personal point of view by implying what your point of view is in the opening statement. Don't forget that the opening statement needs to have the following elements:  
  
1. The paraphrased topic for discussion;  
2. The two sides of the discussion, also paraphrased;  
3. Your personal opinion for discussion.  
  
Given the fact that you are expected to present a 5 paragraph essay, covering the paraphrasing, individual discussion of each side (one paragraph each), and your personal opinion, prior to the presentation of the conclusion, it will appear that your essay fell short of the expected discussion. Therefore, your task accuracy score was severely pulled down.  
  
There are also the grammar problems in the your essay such as the incoherent first sentence. Instead of saying "incoming", the proper term would have been "income". Income means money received while incoming means something that is arriving or coming in. Such a lexical resource mistake also resulted in more points deducted from your overall score.  
  
So, aside from the mistaken discussion presentation, the use of "and" along with "etc." in a single sentence also created a lower grammar accuracy score for you. This is an academic essay so you should never use the word "and" along with "etc." in a single sentence. That is academically improper. Always write complete thoughts in order to keep the reader properly informed. Etc. means "and so on and so forth", which is an academically acceptable term. That is more suited towards casual writing.  
  
I hope that you can avoid this mistakes in your next essays. Be aware of the mistakes that you made in this essay and make sure that you do not repeat the mistakes in your next practice test.
The graph illustrates how many parcels were delivered by two competitive mail companies between 1920 and 2000.  
  
## TNT vs Fedex - Comparison

  
  
In general, it can be seen that TNT Company experienced a consistent upward trend, while FedEx figures showed wild fluctuations in the given period. Another interesting thing is that in 1920 the number of parcels delivered by Fedex were considerably higher than in TNT, however the situation changed in the last given decade.  
  
In 1920, TNT parcels stood at just 5000, then this number doubled more than twice in the following 40 years and reached about 12000 parcels. It was followed by slight decrease in next 10 years, after which the figure showed steady rise to just over 11000. Afterwards, the figures experienced a dramatic soar to just under 25000 parcels.  
  
In the beginning of the FedEx path, the number stood at 15000. After there was a considerable rise during next 20 years, followed my dramatic plummet to around 12000 parcels in 1960. After that, the figure experienced a significant increase till 1980, followed by level off at around 17500 parcels.  
  
Thanks in advance!  
  
*
Maiirkhan, your opening statement does not follow the required information for a task 1 essay. The information in that paragraph should present an overview of the discussion, as per the prompt instructions. It should have detailed the forthcoming discussion in order to create the image of coherence and cohesiveness in the essay since you are scored on how you logically and chronologically present your discussion. Failing to do that, as in this case, will force a lower task accuracy score. While the presentation of the information is acceptable, I cannot help but feel that you could have done a better job at informing the reader. Since you have paragraphs that are only 2 sentences long, you accidentally ended up creating more run on sentences than you expected. You can avoid that by using a period to separate information instead of a comma. Aim to present 3-5 complete sentences in the paragraph in order to increase the chances of a higher GRA score on your end. This essay though, should be able to score around a 4 based upon all the information I presented above.
hy meirkhan,,  
this is my suggestions:  
firstly, you have to introduce the graph by paraphrasing the question. i think it can improve your score. turning to the paragraph 2 and 3, it is better if you arranged the paragraph with any plan, i mean you have make a short brain storming before you strart to write. it will help you in arranging your paragraph well. i think you need more practice to improve your score.  
  
Keep Writing  
Break A Leg
## how a tea is made?

  
  
The diagram illustrates about process of producing tealeaves into some types of tea. Overall, the end of the process will produce five tea types. It consists of several steps. Furthermore, it starts from growing leaf and culminating in tea production.  
  
In the beginning, tealeaves are grown to get main ingredient of tea. After the tealeaves are ready to be plucked, it is wilted to reduce its water level containing inside the leaf.  
  
In the subsequent stage, the tealeaves will pass through certain stages to produce different types of tea. For making green tea, the tealeaves will be steamed at first, and it will be rolled. But, for making oolong tea, it will be rolled and it will be fermented slightly. On the other hand, in order to make large and small leaf black tea, the tealeaves have to be processed in defferent ways although they are fully fermented. The difference takes place in the fourth stage, while the former tea is produced through tealeaves rolling, the latter should be made from tealeves crushing. However, the end the process , oven drying process should be done before the final product is ready to consume.  
  
*
Andi, when you write the overview in relation to a list of types, such as in the case of the tea, you should inform the reader, as part of the overview, regarding the types of tea produced. That will be part of the overview information outline that will form part of the outline discussion for the body of the essay. Since there are other steps involved in the creation of the teas, it is important to enumerate the tea types at first in order to better hold on to the attention of the reader who may not be very interested in what you have to write about but will then be interested if there is a tea type that he wants to learn more about through your summary essay.  
  
As you can probably tell from simply glancing at the essay, your second paragraph is lacking in terms of sentence requirements. That is because you did not divide the essay discussion properly. A portion of the third paragraph, which now turns out to be too long, should have been a part of the second paragraph instead. The division of the topic discussion should have come at the point that starts with "On the other hand" since that phrase indicates a transition to a different topic, hence a new paragraph. Remember, the rule is one topic per paragraph.  
  
Based upon these reasons, your 193 word count, which is more than the minimum of 150, had to be scored down to a 5 at the most. I hope that you can show improvement with your next practice essay using the above recommendations. I look forward to reading your improved work in the future.
Hello! Soon I will be taking an IELTS, so could you help me with my essay evaluating? I have to get at least 6.5 band score.  
  
Please, make some corrections if possible :)  
  
## maps of an island comparison

  
  
The two maps below show an island, before and after the construction of some tourist facilities.  
  
The maps represent an island before and after establishing some tourist attractions and different facilities.  
Overall, the island changed a lot after constructing some facilities on the western and middle parts of total area. It can be seen that eastern part of territory stayes untouched.  
  
First of all I will focus on the western coast of the island. A beach is located for swimming there. Moving on, there is a footpath from the beach which leads to accomodation buildings. After them the reception facility is established at the very middle of the island. Moreover, it is surronded by vehicle tracks. One of them lays towards the restaurant on the north. Another goes down to the pier on the southside. The pier was built rather long and it has a T form.  
  
The last thing that may be noticed is a group of accomodation facilities located a bit further to the east than reception. Each building is connected with a footpath, but there is no connection between the group of buildings and the reception. Considering untouched eastern part of island's area, there are some palm trees as well.  
  
*