dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## TV channels provide man's sport show more than women's sport show. Why?

  
  
Nowadays, a higher number of sport matches played by males are broadcast, compared with women. In fact, the man's sport programmes increasingly prevalent in both developed countries and developing countries. In this essay, I will discuss some main causes and explain why TV channels should provide equal time for both gender in sport gameshow.  
  
It is true that high frequency men's sport matches is driven by a number of factors. Firstly, there is no doubt that the volume of audience is a contributor to higher sport show played by males. In fact, huge financial gain can be achieved by featuring the male football champion leagues or tennis international tournaments. As well as this, the broadcasting companies can earn money via adverts and also receive sponsorship. Secondly, high man's sport show is a consequence of insufficient female sport shows. In details, females are less likely to take part in such games. Hence, the TV network tends to wisely follow the mainstream trend just to cater to the mass and survive in the business .  
  
However, I would argue that both men and female sport programmes should be given equal opportunities in broadcast times due to following reasons: gender equality, the increase of rating in female sport show. There is evidence that if men's sports programmes continue to receive significantly more coverage than the programmes of their opposite sex, it might increase gender inequality, which is one of the most serious issues in many parts of the world today. Another thing is that to increase audiences in female sport programmes, the TV channels have to spend more time to broadcast them.  
  
To sum up, a wider audience watch men's sport programmes due to people preference and insufficiency of female sport channels. However, the TV channel should give both of programmes an equal broadcast times because of gender equality and the growth of female sport show's audience.
The second sentence in your prompt restatement is unnecessary. You are offering an opinion and information that is not based on the data provided in the original discussion presentation. You will be scored down for adding personal opinions to the paraphrasing, thus making it an inaccurate representation of the original.  
  
You have a problem expressing yourself in English. The sentences you are presenting do not make sense. The problem lies heavily in your lack of proper LR usage and GRA skills. Your first reasoning paragraph is confusing to read and does not make sense at all to the ENL reader. You are also presenting only reasons, but not explaining why these reasons relate to the discussion. Thus, the presentation is under developed and lacking in logic and sense.  
  
Your second reasoning paragraph is not a proper mix of simple and complex English sentences. I think the problem is that you are thinking in one language, and then trying to write in English, transliteration is the min problem that most ESL students have to overcome in order to pass these tests.
TOPIC:  
***Some people think that students should work part-time in order to earn money to ensure better future opportunities, while others argue that they had better pay attention to their study so as to get good results.***  
  
## To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  
  
MY ESSAY:  
It is often said that undergraduates ought to have part-time jobs during their school time, whereas some claim that they need to focus on their study instead of earning money. I completely agree with the idea that students should be encouraged to engage in part-time work to gain more than just money.  
  
To begin with, there is no doubt that money is necessary in order for undergraduates to meet their basic needs. Therefore, a part-time job will allow them to at least pay for their tuition fees, as well as having a reasonable quality of life. Furthermore, it is evident that people nowadays are likely to find it hard to earn money, and working during school years will teach students to fully understand the true value of money in life, so that they will be able to form a saving habit, use money wisely and build spending plans, which are highly beneficial for their future. Although they might struggle to balance work and study, overcoming this will help them master time management to deal with deadlines effectively and achieve their goals as scheduled.  
  
In my opinion, working while in college or university can offer many different advantages to students. Firstly, through earning, students may gain a feeling of confidence, independence, and pride in themselves, therefore they can realize their own value and have a sense of maturity. More importantly, these jobs will provide them with essential skills and useful experience that certainly improve their career prospects. For instance, because personal skills and practical experience are the key consideration when employing, candidates who have worked part-time in the past tend to be more attractive to employers when compared to those with no job experience at all.  
  
In conclusion, I am of the opinion that students with part-time work rather than those who only concentrate on study, will thrive in the society and thus, this trend need encouraging and promoting.
Hi! I would like to have some feedbacks on your writing  
1. You could take into consideration element relating to word choice in your essay, such as 'saving habit' should be 'saving plan' or 'reasonable quality of life' would be 'good quality of life' as reasonable does not go together with quality  
  
2. Also there is a minor grammatical error in this sentence 'Although they might struggle to ~~balance work and study~~ **balance between work and study**,...."
You properly restated the prompt and delivered a clear response in line with the question being asked for the discussion. The reasoning paragraphs are where your presentation and reasoning problems can really be found. Not so much so that you would not get a passing score though. You just need to improve certain aspects to gain a higher than average passing score.  
  
In the first reasoning paragraph, you do not need to tell the examiner that you are beginning the discussion. Merely open with a topic statement in order to highlight the theme of the paragraph. Use a transition sentence instead of a transition word to introduce the next topic. That way you get a better GRA score. You did fairly well in the first reasoning paragraph.  
  
Your second paragraph is the problem. You changed the discussion topic in that section from justifications for your agreement to an Advantage / Disadvantage discussion. That is not what the essay is about. So the inclusion of that sentence in the paragraph was a bad move on your part. Never change the prompt requirement midstream. Always retain the essence of the original prompt to show that you have a good range of reading and comprehension skills on your part. your TA score will benefit from it. You should not be presenting an opinion in that paragraph either because it is not being asked for in the original prompt. You are only being asked to measure your rate of agreement, not give an opinion. An opinion requires a different discussion point.
***QUESTION:  
## PLEASE DESCRIBE A PERSON THAT HAS AN EFFECT ON YOU OR CHANGED YOUR BEHAVIOR, AND HOW YOU MET HIM/HER.***  
  
Back in my senior high school time, I had difficulty solving physics problems. Formulas and graphs always confuse me, causing my failure of every quiz and exam. I made every effort to attempt to improve my scores, including purchasing online courses and attending to cram schools, but none of these seemed to work. At a night after attending a cram school, I was deliberating whether I have to abandon my dream of being an advanced engineer since none of the attempts I had done worked. Being depressed, I couldn't help but shed tears in public, though it was shameful.  
  
A man walked to the bench I was sitting on and talked to me. He told me that he was a physics teacher with over 30 years of teaching experience, and he had opened a cram school with a few students, most of which had encountered the same problem as mine. He invited me to audit his class, and soon he started to teach physics concepts in a brand-new way that everyone could easily learn.  
  
He once said, "All techniques and knowledge are written to our mind after being comprehended." This advanced and unique thought has profoundly implemented in my head, and affect how I study a new thing. Now I never study without making my conclusions, and I always review my notes, and the grades are skyrocketing after his teaching. These great changes should attribute to his words. Without him, I would have had a struggle with my studies.  
  
-- **This question is NOT related to any of the English exams.** Please correct me if the text have grammar or stucture issues. Thanks!
There should be an additional paragraph that explains how you met this man. Why did you decide to speak to him, what his name was and why you thought he was safe to talk to (stranger danger!). How the conversation deviated towards studies and he thought it best to tell you some of his story. This presentation is weak in development. It does not have an informative presentation because it skips around in the story and does not create a strong foundation for the actual presentation. As a creative writing exercise, I doubt this will get a passing score. You have to remember, the backstory, the scene set up, and actual dialogue between the parties would have helped to turn this non dimensional presentation into at least, a one dimensional story.
Dear All,  
  
I come from Asia, I have to take the IELTS apas but the writing task is too hard for me. Can anyone give me some or full comment for my writing?  
  
## Underground Railway System

  
  
The table gives information about the underground railway system in six cities where are London, Paris, Tokyo, Washington DC, Kyoto and LA.  
  
For the open date of the underground railway system, London is the earliest with 1863 while LA is the latest with 2001. In addition, Paris's underground railway system was built in 1900 while Tokyo's railway system was built in 1927. Around 50 years later, the railway system of Washington DC and Kyoto were constructed in 1976 and 1981 respectively.  
  
The longest railway system is in London with 394 kilometers. However, Kyoto's railway system is the shortest one of 11 kilometers. LA's railway system is longer than Kyoto, which is 28 kilometers. Moreover, the length of the rail system in Washington, Tokyo and Paris are also longer than 100 km, which are 126km 155km and 199km respectively.  
  
For the last group, it is clear that Tokyo's railway system hold a maximum volume of 1927 million passengers per year while the railway system in Paris holds 1911 million passengers per year. The railway system of passengers in Kyoto and LA were similar which are 45 million per year and 50 million per year respectively. There are 144 million passengers per year in Washington DC's railway system. London's passengers of the railway system are more than Washington DC's which is 775 million per year.  
  
*
As this is a task 1 essay, it should only be given a brief discussion or report presentation. You should not go over 190 words since you only have 20 minutes to write the task. Writing more than 200 words could cut into the Task 2 writing time since you still need to proof read and rewrite the Task 1 essay. That could cause you to cut into the Task 2 writing time. Keep it short, do not over analyze unless you actually have to. Brief and concise is the best way to get a high score in this task.  
  
The summary overview is incomplete. You should not just represent the type of image and list the 6 cities, you also need to present a trending statement at the end which indicates the most notable information from the table or any other image. In this case, you could have trended by saying Tokyo was the second oldest system with the third longest route, but the highest number of passengers.  
  
Try to keep a uniform sentence number in each paragraph. You should have between 3-5 sentences each as those are the minimum and maximum requirements for the Task 1 presentation. Avoid using run on sentences, which you are prone to, in your presentations. Run - on sentences help you meet the word requirement but usually end up reducing the clarity of your sentence and/or paragraph presentation. Make sure to use the proper simple and complex sentence mix instead.
Ielts Test Writing Task 1 (150 words)  
  
The pie charts illustrate the average percentage of three different ingredients in normal meals which are consumed in the USA. As can be seen in it, the sodium and saturated fat are in a large proportion in dinner, and the added sugar accounts for the majority of snacks.  
  
It is worth attention that people consume sodium and saturated fat about 43% and 37% respectively in dinner. Moreover, the added sugar has 42% in snacks. The sodium and the saturated fat have something in similarities, it is around 15% to 20% in snacks, around 15% in breakfast, and around 25% to 30% in lunch. The biggest difference between the added sugar and the two other elements lies in that it is only 19% in lunch and 23% at dinner. The figures lead us to know that people in the USA have a different portion of sodium, saturated fat, and added sugar in their meals.  
  
*
There are 3 pie charts presented. Therefore, the paragraph presentation for this report should fall under the 4 paragraph category covering:  
- Information paraphrase + Trending statement  
- Chart 1 + comparisons within the chart  
- Chart 2 + Comparisons  
- Chart 3 + Comparisons  
- Chart 4 + Comparisons  
  
As you can see, you have written 153 words, but you failed to present a proper analysis and comparison discussion based on the 3 given images. You did not refer the reader to how many chars were presented, what the measurements were based on, and what the pie cuts represent (meals). Overall, this report does not present a fully analyzed study of the image. You also failed to deliver the proper summary information and trending statement. There is also a big problem with the format presentation of your report. You did not really apply too much effort in the writing of this report. Your report is rushed and little informative in terms of the reader's understanding of your writing.
## Synthesis Introduction

  
  
Throughout history, humans keep chasing happiness by looking for the easiest alternatives and options, in all domains, so as to make the daily life quite perfect and facilitated. But the more people keep pursuing that, the more misery they end up to. The the four documents- two press articles published in 2017 and 2018 and two documentaries about fast food and robots give an adequate illustration to the situation stated before, by presenting the negative impact of the artificial intelligence and fast food even if they make life easier at the first place.  
  
*THANKS in advance for your reply !*
I am not sure what kind of synthesis essay you are writing. There are actually 3 types of synthesis essays that you could be writing at this point, each with a different writing approach. So unless I know if you are writing:  
  
-An argument synthesis  
- Review  
- Explanatory / Background synthesis essay  
  
I will not be able to give you ample advise regarding your synthesis introductions. Your current presentation is all too confusing anyway since you are not making your actual topic clear from the very first sentence of the essay. If the review (I am guessing) is about the development of fast food in a positive and negative manner, then saying that humans keep chasing happiness does not have any direct connection to your topic/s for review. You may want to clarify those points and consider the synthesis requirements for the topic you have chosen based on the type of discussion you will be presenting.
## How Parents Can Help Children Who Struggle with Homework

  
  
***question: Do you agree or disagree rather than help their children do schoolwork, parents should encourage their children to do their homework independently.***  
  
In this society, the schoolwork of a child is more like a load for their parents, especially in recent years we're having social media groups with all the parents of one class. Since some teachers would post the students who didn't finish homework directly in the group, some parents would choose to help their children do schoolwork in order to avoid shame. I, however, definitely disagree with this kind of behavior due to the three reasons below.  
  
To begin with, let them do homework themselves help the children learn to plan things independently. When children study in school, they're not only learning about math or science and etc, they also have to learn about growth, including doing things independently. Schoolwork might be just a task for some parents, though it's actually also an excellent opportunity to teach the children about independence. From knowing the homework until handling it the next day, it is the children's work to arrange when to do it and what approach would be accessed to finish it in time. If parents offer help, for example, just because time is running out the next day morning, their children might have never learned about time planning.  
  
Additionally, it would be better for their study of further knowledge and contents. One of the importance of homework is to help students review the knowledge learned during the day. Without reviewing, students could forget the contents of the lesson quite quickly according to the forgetting curve in scientific research. Apart from reviewing, homework could also contain some previewing for the lesson the next day, which means if the children didn't do it by themselves, it's highly possible that they couldn't follow teachers in the next lesson. For instance, I had always wanted my parents to do the previewing for me since that was really boring and difficult, instead, my parents always encouraged me to do it myself. As a result, I performed well in every new lesson and the sense of pride in turn inspired me to do better.  
  
Of course sometimes, without parents' help, they could feel frustrating when facing troublesome questions while with totally no idea in their minds. However, teaching children how to cope with situations like this would be significant in their lives. Even if it's just a small homework that may not matter a lot, it is the process of struggling form upset and finally makes it through that should be highlighted as gaining a more mature personality.  
  
To sum up, if I believe it'll be better not to help the children with their schoolwork for their good in planning independently, further study and capability in dealing with tough situations, which are seen as some features of an outstanding student as well as a person preparing to step into the society in the future.  
  
---Please give me some feedback about the contents or the structure, thank you very much!
There are 2 major differences between the TOEFL and IELTS tests:  
1. There is no need for a prompt paraphrase, go directly to discussing your response reasons.  
2. There is no need for a concluding statement. Simply close the essay without the use of "To sum up", "In conclusion". etc.  
  
That said, I would now like to focus on your sentence structure problems. You are trying to overwrite this essay without considering the "comprehension" aspect for the reader. Being an ESL writer, the longer you make your sentences, the less clear the logic and reasoning behind it becomes. Do not write over complex sentences. Simple sentences with proper vocabulary usage will do more for you than extremely long, but error filled paragraph presentations.  
  
Your explanation is good. It has valid reasons and supporting statements. Like I said, it is the sentence structure and vocabulary usage that eventually proved to be a problem for your presentation. Otherwise, this is still good work worthy of a somewhat passing score.
## the loss of particular species of plants and animals

  
  
*IELTS Writing task 2: Some people say that the main environmental problme of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems.  
  
Discuss both these viewers and give your own opinion.*  
  
Here is my essay  
  
In the modern age, although there is a great advancement of technology, people are facing more and more problems, especially environmental problem. Some people are of the opinion that the extinction of species is the most major problems, while the other argue that there are more concerning environmental matters. In the below essay, both of these viewpoints will be analyzed before my opinion is stated.  
  
On the one hand, it is undeniable that loss of biodiversity may cause huge devastation to ecosystem imbalance, more specifically, afflict the food chain. If an animal in the food chain disappears, the other animals in the chain might be at risk, which means that their individuals quantity will fluctuate unstably. For instance, tigers are on the verge of extinction, which may cause the uncontrollable increase of their predator, herbivores. Furthermore, it is true that humanity has to depend on plants and animals to survive. Particularly, ecosystem products such as food, vegetables and water are compulsory for people's life. Should the loss of species becomes serious to a greater extent, humanity will be within the possibility of perdition.  
  
Nevertheless, on the other hand, I adhere to the belief that other environmental problems pose a more serious threat to life. Indeed, global warming is now considered to be the most crucial issues due to its disastrous impacts. First of all, the rise in recent calamities, for example, earthquake, tsunami and the melting of polar ice cap has strong link to the rise in temperature. Besides, global warming likewise causes climate change. This not obly has a negative effect on people life but also induces the extinction of flora and fauna. To exemplify, climate change creates the problem of extreme weather and pollution, which deteriorates human's health, not to mention destroys animal's habitats and therefore force numerous species to migrate.  
  
In conclusion, the loss of species certainly adversely influence the environment condition. However, from my perspective, I still believe that other problems, namely global warming and climate change are more serious that need to be solved immediately.  
  
Thanks in advance for your help
Hello there,  
Overall, your essay is a good one regarding reasoning and examples.  
You developed your ideas well, especially in body 1, which convinces the reader. Also, your examples are relevant and support your notions directly.  
However, there exist flaws associated with grammar, especially singular/plural form. As an illustration, it should have been "...people are facing more and more problems, especially environmental problemS". Moreover, you created some tautologies, for instance, "However, from my perspective, ~~I still believe that~~ other problems..." is correct.  
  
The bottom line is that your essay is intensely convincing, yet I am afraid that your GRA score may fall short of your expectations by virtue of some tiny mistakes.  
  
Keep up the good work!