dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## The oil consumption graph

  
  
The line graph compares four different countries in terms of the amount of oil consumed between 2009 and 2030.  
Overall, there was an increase in the oil consumption in China and Middle East over the period shown, while the proportion of oil consumed in the USA and Western Europe vs Japan declined. It is also clear that the USA had constantly the highest figure from 2009 to 2030.  
  
In 2009, the consumption of oil in the USA started at 9 millions of Barrel, after which is seeing a slight increase to about 10 millions, before ending the period of exactly 6 millions of Barrel each day. A similar trend was experienced in the proportion of oil consumed in Western Europe vs Japan, which decreased gradually by 3 million from 2009 to 2015 and then predicted to be followed by a slight drop of around 1 millions fifteen years later.  
  
The oil consumption of by residents in China and Middle East all represented around 4 millions in 2009 and rose until 2015. It is predicted that the figure of Chinese will reach 4 million by 2030 while the amount of oil consumed in the Middle East is lower around 3 million of Barrel in 2030.
It is difficult for me, as the examiner to create a mental picture of the report you have written. I cannot imagine the data provided because you failed to properly summarize the target data based on the image provided. Without the actual image, I cannot judge if you accurately paraphrased the presentation from the original, by changing most of the keywords or, if you simply used the same words, which would have reduced your LR score. You have not given me a good idea as to what measurements were used, how the measurements were arrived at. You mentioned a comparison of 4 different countries but you mentioned 5 in the actual report. This creates an error in your presentation. It makes your data inaccurate and lacking in validity.  
  
All of the paragraphs need to be of uniform length, 3-5 sentences per paragraph. Your last paragraph is short by one sentence. That means you did not do a very accurate job of reporting information in relation to that aspect of the report. Again, you have to provide the image when you post your essay so that I can give you more appropriate advice regarding how to improve your data reporting.
## Discuss the advantages and disadvantages about gap year

  
  
Today, a lot of youngsters select to take a gap year before going to university in many areas. The aim of this essay will be to reflect on some of the advantages and disadvantages of this issue  
  
The main advantage of taking a gap year is that it can cultivate yourself. Thanks to the gap year, many students can broaden their horizons and have incredible experiences about culture, regions, lifestyle in many areas. For instance, the evening news reported that in 2019, in developed countries, 95% students choose to work in many fields, do the volunteer or travel to new areas before studying post graduate. As a result students will know what they really interest in or what their dream job. Therefore , by dint of taking a gap year, students can sharpen themselves and choose correct job  
  
On the other hand, taking a gap year is time consuming. Instead of spending time working or traveling , many students starting university studIes after finishing high school. Because they focus on learning theories than practical. For example, according to recent survey by Queen's university found that in Vietnam, almost youngsters want to have bachelor's degree earliest to get a job. Therefore, in many developing countries, taking a gap year is time consuming and unnecessary for them.  
  
In conclusion, taking a gap year is very ubiquitous in many developed countries. However, this problem renders both of benefits and drawbacks
The restatement is acceptable. It is brief and not highly informative in terms of the information from the original prompt. The fact that it retains the original topic is what makes the presentation sentence acceptable. The advantage and disadvantage topic outlines are missing from the presentation though. The presentation of the discussion topics, one for each (advantage and disadvantage) would have helped prove to the examiner that you understood the discussion instructions. Regardless, the paragraph works in terms of the TA considerations, to the extent previously mentioned.  
  
Try not to mention any sources, even if it is the evening news, in any paragraph. Do not use actual percentages. Just use estimates or personal knowledge. Public knowledge is also acceptable, but not information that seems to be researched such as the evening news and the percentage reported. I am not sure what you meant to say in this portion:  
  
*Therefore , by dint of taking a gap year,*  
  
I think you meant to say "Therefore, by taking a gap year..."  
  
Your conclusion is unacceptable. It does not properly recap the previous discussion to create a summarized presentation within 40 words or, 2 or more sentences.
## gas cooled nuclear reactor

  
  
The diagram illustrates how stream is produced by utilizing a gas cooled nuclear reactor. Overall, gas cooled nuclear reactor can be divided into two main part, which are heat exchanger and reactor.  
  
Initially, water enters into heat exchanger, and then into water circulator to change to cool gas. Next, cool gas goes through cool gas duct and it is filtered by gas blower. Subsequently, it is undergone of reactor sections in order to be changed to hot gas and conveys to hot gas duct. Eventually, steam is thrown by turbo-alternator and resending cool gas to the next cycle.  
  
According to reactor's sections, uranium fuel elements are located between boron control rods and charge tubes which are linked together. In addition, they are surrounded by graphite moderators. Besides, pressure vessel encircles all previous components. Eventually, the most powerful sections is concrete radiation shielding which wraps all parts of the system and protect them in any emergency cases.  
  
*   
*image*
You need to learn to use more word alternatives in your writing. When an image is described as a diagram in the original, you cannot use the word diagram in your own presentation. You could have instead referred to the drawing as a procedure outline or blueprint, even an outline or a layout. The use of alternative descriptive terms in relation to the keywords would have increased the LR score for this essay.  
  
There is a sentence that does not make sense in the third paragraph:  
  
*According to reactor's sections, uranium fuel elements are located between boron control rods and charge tubes which are linked together*  
  
Then what? When you say "according to", there should be a subsequent resulting action or final outcome based on the given statement. This is lacking the actual subject of the presentation sentence. Overall though, you stayed on point and pretty much did an acceptable job of presenting the diagram procedure.
Topic:  
***Some people think that zoos are all cruel and should be shut down. Others however believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals.***  
  
## Discuss both opinions and give your own opinion.

  
  
People have differing views with regard to the question of whether or not zoos need to be maintained. While some say that zoos are merciless and should be closed, I personally believe that they would keep animals safe from extinction. This essay will discuss the two viewpoints.  
  
On the one hand, there are two main reasons why zoos are considered immoral places and should be banned. Firstly, zoos are often aimed to entertain people and earn money from them, which means that zoos held animals not because of conserve, but because of making profits. Secondly, from a moral perspective, many zoos limit the freedom of their animal by providing poor-quality environments and facilities. Research has shown that the house of animals in zoos is far smaller than that of them in nature. This prevents animals from doing daily activities the same way as they do in the wild, which is likely to make them feel depressed and develop mental illnesses.  
  
On the other hand, I would argue that zoos play an integral part in preventing animals from extinction. The fact that excessive hunting and poaching have led to numerous animals' disappearance, which is because their body parts are seen as luxury items and status symbols. Take rhinos as an example, they are killed or held in captivity because their horns are highly valued on the black market, pushing this species to the brink of extinction. As a result, Zoos act as shelters to protect them from poachers and these immoral behaviors.  
  
In conclusion, although some people believe that zoos must be prohibited, I am of the opinion that Zoos can help protect wild animals from extinction.
Discuss both points of view and give your opinion. The instructions are very clear. There are 2 public opinions provided in the original prompt. Yet, your restatement only shows one side of the discussion instead of both. Your also said you will discuss both points of view. However, the discussion requirement is both points of view and then, your personal opinion. Review and compare the requirements of the discussion in the original, then compare it to the version that you presented and wrote. You will realize that you failed to meet the discussion requirements overall. This is not the kind of essay that can help you get a passing score. You failed to deliver the requirements on several levels, hence, you may not receive a good score for this presentation. Your mistakes in this presentation are:  
  
- An inaccurate restatement of the prompt topic  
- Discussing only 1 of 2 points of view  
- A discussion solely based on a personal opinion without an appropriate comparison of the 2 public viewpoints  
- An inappropriate concluding paragraph. It does not have the minimum 40 words in the presentation and also, does not summarize the given discussion  
  
Do your best to familiarize yourself with the task 2 discussion types. You need to learn to properly discuss the presentations so that you can achieve a passing score. You have more than enough examples at this forum for you to learn from. You are only confusing yourself by referring to more than one website for your lessons. It is the constant mixing of the various writing styles, as taught by the instructors that is hindering your progress as a student. You will need to choose one website to learn from and stick to that website. Otherwise, you will not be helped by the various lessons, you will only be held back. In fact, I believe that is what is happening to you now. You are being held back from true learning because you are confusing yourself with the various writing styles from different sources. You will never achieve a satisfactory presentation if you continue to do that.
## IELTS TASK 1: Forested land (Table)

  
  
The table shows forested land in millions of hectares in different parts of the world.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.  
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.  
  
MY ESSAY:  
  
The table provides information on the forest area covered by six different continents in the world in 1990, 2000 and 2005.  
  
Overall, the hectares in millions of forest area in Europe were not only the most largest in 2005, but the only constantly increasing category over the period in question. It is not surprsing that the gap between six categories had expanded over span of 15 years, starting from 1990.  
  
The European forest area was the highest throughout the period, rising from 989 million hectares in 1990 to 1001 million in 2005. Besides, having plummeted in the first ten years, the forest land in Asian reached a trough of 570 million hectares in 2000 before recovering to 584 million in 2005.  
  
On the other hand, there was a considerable drop in the forest area of the remainder ( Africa, North America, Oceania and South America) of 58 million hectares, 3 million, 2 million and 64 million in the order given from 1990 to 2005. Despite witnessing a remarkable fall from 708 million hectares to 705 million between 1990 and 2000, the forest land in North America experienced a period of stability from 2000 onwards.
the hectares in millions ... use this: the forest area in Europe (in millions of hectares)  
The European forest area was the highest: an area could not be highest, you can use: the portion of land area covered by forests .... Or sth like that  
  
in the order given from 1990 to 2005: use respectively instead!  
the highest most largest is wrong: write largest  
a remarkable fall from 708 million hectares to 705: I am not sure if it is remarkable!  
surprising: correct your spelling  
the gap between the six categories  
over a span of 15 years/ over ~~span of~~ 15 years is a better choice  
the forest land in Asia~~n~~  
add a comma: America, Oceania and, South America  
  
Dear vhn, you can use "grammar" to prevent your common misspelling and typo errors.
The presentation is questionable at best. There is a lack of information accuracy ( there is no image for comparison provided for this review). Your references may be incorrect (Asian = Asia). You are using redundant information ( more largest, largest would have been more proper). There is no actual evidence provided to add authority to your claim that there was a plummet over a decade.  
  
You should have just used a 3 paragraph comparison for this essay rather than the forced 4 paragraph presentation. A paragraph has a minimum of 3 sentences, not 2 sentences. That is why those sentences do not appear to be fully developed in the eyes of the reader. There seems to be missing information there. However, had you combined that into a single paragraph, it would have been a fully developed paragraph presentation.
## wheat export - chart analysis

  
  
The line chart presents the wheat export of 3 regions between 1985 and 1990. Overall, Canada export more wheat than Australia and European Community for most of the given period. However, while Canada's wheat export fluctuated and Australia's fell, wheat export from the European Community rose.  
  
Firstly, from 1985 to 1988 the number of wheat export of Canada decreased minimally from 19 to 17 million of tonnes. Then, Canada's figure rose considerable to 25 million, but letter went down significantly to 19 million. Secondly, European Community was exposed of wheat lower than Canada. Between 1985 and 1986, European Community 's fell slightly from 17 to 14 units in the next five years. Finally, the data in wheat export of Australia saw a mildly growth from 15 to 17 in the following year. Australia 's dropped dramatically by twelve units in the next three years, but later leveled out at this point in 1990
How were the wheat exports measured? Did they use tonnes? Percentage? Conducted a survey? Your summary overview is incomplete because of the missing measurement type. The overall essay needs to have one additional paragraph to meet the 3 paragraph minimum requirement. Your second paragraph is too compressed in terms of discussion. There is no analysis of similar information or overlapping information. Were there any equal years of export? Between which countries? The analysis of this essay is too shallow and lacking in content. Had you provided the actual image, I would have been able to show you how to improve the content of this essay. Next time, upload the image, you will be thankful that you uploaded it when you see the kind of advise that you can get when you give me the complete information to review your work with.
There are some spelling and grammatical mistakes in your work. The 'considerable' in the first line should become 'considerably'. The 'letter' in the second line should become 'later'. Then you talk about how between 1985 and 1986 wheat export fell for 5 years. This does not make sense. "Finally..." should become "Finally, the data shows that wheat export of Australia saw a mild growth from 15 to 17...".
**Please review my original work and provide your feedback - Feedbacks are much appreciated and will help me to correct my mistakes.**  
  
## the life under parent's guidance or on one's own

  
  
Some might argue that young adults must live independently away from parents while, I prefer to live with parents for a longer time for the following reasons. Living with parents allows us to concentrate on various other extracurricular tasks, which don't contain family and daily responsibilities. Parents look after us, in terms of daily requirements like food, clothing, and other basic needs.  
  
First of all, depending on parents is nothing wrong, till a certain age, under their guidance I can learn to live in the society with good morals. For Example, when I was 15 years old, my dad guided me in choosing between a bad path and a good path, as my proclivity was towards alcohol and drugs, he convinced me ill effects of them and thus saved me from the grave dangers in my teen ages, whereas my friends who were living independently were under the influence of alcohol and drugs, thus ruining their future.  
  
Second of all, my parents had been looking after my career decisions and my daily expenses, by completely reducing the burden of paying my bills. For Example, When I was 18 years old, I had been depending on my parents and they helped me in choosing my career path as engineering in Electronics, and as well as paid my engineering fees, whereas one of my friends was independent away from his parents and had no support in choosing his career path and he had to work hard to earn for paying his engineering college fees and couldn't concentrate on the studies either.  
  
In conclusion, I am elated and blessed to live under my parent's guidance, as they are always encouraging and looking after me for my wellbeing.  
  
*   
*Question for independent task*
Since this a TOEFL test, you do not need to follow the format of an IELTS test. You are not expected to restate the prompt topic in this test. You are however, expected to proper give your opinion and a clear opinion within 280-400 words. All within 30 minutes. So, your first paragraph, you could have opened with your opinion immediately, which would tie in with the given prompt topic. You were actually able to do that from the part where you said "I I prefer to live..."  
  
You gave a very good defense of your opinion in this presentation. You have properly used the personal examples and reasons to the extent that the paragraph meaning and intention was always clear to the reader. Sure the language wasn't perfect. That did not matter in this case. All that mattered, was that you clearly explained yourself to the reader. By the way, you don't need to say "In conclusion" every time you want to close an essay. Try to avoid using memorized place holder phrases like that. Just indicate a conclusion in a normal manner. Close the essay with a strong supporting statement with regards to the topic and your opinion.  
  
You might want to try an improve your vocabulary by writing a little bit longer. The more chances you have of showing an advanced, but natural sounding vocabulary in the essay, the better your chances of getting a higher score.
## *Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists but not local people.*

  
**Why is this the case and what can be done to attract more local people to visit these places?**  
  
-------My work-----  
  
It is true that many museums and historical sites are more attractive to foreigners than people living at there. This essay looks at some justifications and suggests some solutions to the problem.  
  
One of the main reasons why people are keen on travelling to strange places is to expand the knowledge of history of local areas. The historic values are crystallized in tangible objects which are displayed in museums and historical places. Therefore, visiting museums is a necessary action tourists have to take if they care about history. By contrast, local citizens assumed that they were familiar with things showed at historical places through either the historic lessons in schools or somewhere in daily conversations. Moreover, the low qualification of some historical sites in some countries is also a cause assisting in decrease in the number of domestic visitors. As a result, local citizens are not interested in spending time on journeys to museums in their areas.  
  
However, there are solutions for this problem. Firstly, marketing is an effective way to attract many domestic tourists. In fact that the knowledge of what happened to their forefathers is unlimited and there are still many historic events that next generations having not yet known. Advertising helps them to grasp those lacks. Secondly, governments should invest much more budget in improvement quality of historic places such as training for museum staffs about knowledge of history and how to convey or present it to visitors. As a result, there would be more and more local people reckon that the local museums and historical sites are also as interesting as those of foreign.  
  
In conclusion, the lack of interest of domestic people in historic sites should be concerned considerably. The best approaches to deal with are the advertisement and the financial aid for the local sites.
Do not change the content of the original prompt. Since you are not being asked about the validity of the given statement, there is no need for you to attest to the veracity of the claim. Simple restating the topic and offering one reason, with one solution will suffice for a simple cause and solution essay discussion. You were not on target with your prompt restatement and discussion responses. You also failed to use alternate words for the key words museum and historical sites. Therefore you will not have a very good TA and LR score.  
  
There was no need to explain why tourists visit the historical sites. You unnecessarily discussed a non-essential discussion point. The only important discussion in the first reasoning paragraph is the singular reason why the local tourists do not go to the museums and historical site. When you did explain why the locals do not go to the tourist sites, you did not completely develop the discussion due to the irrelevant inclusion of the foreign tourist discussion. This paragraph becomes under developed and lacking in focus on the actual topic.  
  
You did good enough in the solutions paragraph, but could have better explained things if you focused on a singular solution, with proper possible results included for a single effective result. You were not able to convince the reader very well because of the lack of justification for each solution you presented.