dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
Hi everyone,  
  
This is my first time writing IELTS task2. I really need your help to check out my essay. Although I have read many instructions online, I feel I still need to practice a lot. Please give me some advice and score the essay so that I can learn where I need to improve or change. Thank you so much in advance.  
  
I am wondering  
1. if my structure is correct?  
2. if the ideas in the body paragraph is ok?  
3. I wrote two paragraphs to support that it is positive, but don't know if it is okay without discussing the negative part?  
4. **I am really worried that what if I had no ideas once I saw the question while taking the exam.** I have realized a big problem for myself. If I could not write any ideas out, what can I do? How to improve my brainstorming?><  
  
**QUESTION:**  
  
Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world.  
Do you think this is a positive or negative development?  
  
**ESSAY**  
  
## Interacting with different culture through the shoppings

  
  
With the technology improving, nowadays it is much more convenient to purchase other countries' products in the same place. Therefore, countries are becoming more and more similar. In my opinion, I believe the trend is a positive development.  
  
Since people are more available to buy the same products anywhere, the culture around the world would interact with each other together. Not only does hte availability of various products progressing, but different kinds of culture have a chance to interact. People around the world can learn the diversity from different nations. For instance, every country has their own food culture, such as some special ingredients or the particular cooking approaches. Citizens are not like the people in the past who only know the world nearby them.  
  
Other than that, the trend brings human beings far more convenient. If one person planed to travel to other countries, he would not have to bring all of his belongings or hometown's products along with him. This reduces a lot weight while traveling. For example, an Asian person can buy Chinese food or Asian traditional clothes in western nations and vise versa for westerners. People are pleased to experience this convenience all over the world nowadays.They do not have to travel back and forth between countries to acquire things they desire. In other words, people can also learn the difference culture in their country.  
  
To sum up, I support the situation is positive. Interacting with different culture through this method through this method enhances people's knowledge and expand humans' horizon.
*Since people are more available to buy the same products anywhere* = able  
  
- Goods are available to be bought but not people are available to buy.  
  
- So I suggest "able" = the ability to do something  
  
*the culture around the world would interact with each other together. Not only does hte availability of various products progressing, but different kinds of culture have a chance to interact.* = repetitive words  
  
- I suggest expose to different cultures  
  
*For instance, every country has their own food culture* = cuisine  
  
I suggest some examples for body paragraph 1 so that it is more convincing
Wendy, let me break down the score for your essay:  
  
TA - 6  
C&C - 4  
LR - 6  
GRA - 6  
  
I am being lenient here because you did have some glaring mistakes in spelling and you had a repetition of words in your final paragraph. I had to score down your C&C because there were instances in the essay when you did not offer completely developed paragraphs, such as in your opening statement and concluding paragraph, and there was also some confusion in the paragraph discussions because you tried to discuss too many topics at once. Just discuss one topic at a time. You are not expected to present multiple reasons within the allotted time. You are however, expected to present understandable and fully developed discussions within the time frame. That can only be done by limiting the topic coverage of each paragraph.  
  
You did well in presenting only the positive aspects of the essay. The instruction calls for you to make a decision, either you discuss the topic as a positive or as a negative. You should never discuss both when the keyword "OR" is located in the instruction sentence.  
  
As for your question about not having something to say in an essay once you see the topic, the response to that is simple. You get a score of 0. It is an automatic fail because you did not even attempt to try and respond to the given question. Unfortunately, there is no cure for mental block. Just try to relax, take a deep breath and make sure you keep an open mind about the given topic on exam day. I guess the best way to prepare will simply be to keep writing practice essays. You might end up with a similar question come exam day. Although, the exam questions are retired with every test that is given so that is not likely, but, you'll never know right?  
  
Don't think about the possible negative events that could happen. At this point, do your best to build up your confidence instead. We can try to help you do that by helping you with your essay analysis and advice but the self-confidence on exam day, that can only come from within you. So try to find that place inside your mind and heart that will help you calm down enough to survive exam day. It is there, you just need to allow yourself to fall into it.
*The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010*  
  
**Please help me as I couldn't figure the similarities and differences between two values to make comparison. Thank**  
  
## PHYSICAL ACTIVITIES at all age

  
  
The bar chart compares the percentage of male and female in Australia in six distinct age groups who took part in regular physical exercises in 2010.  
  
It is clear that Australian men exercised more when they got older while their female counterparts lost their interest in such activities over the same period of time.  
  
Men aged 15-24 spent the biggest proportions on exercises at 52.8 percents. The figures then declined to only 39.5 percents for 35-44 age group before gradually increased into 46.2 percents, which was the lowest figures of group aged 65 and above.  
  
The majority of women, on the other hand, showed great interest in physical activities. While only 47.7 percents of female aged 15-24 involved in physical sports, the figures for other older groups saw a gradual rise and peaked at 53.3 percents, which was the figures for women in their middle-forties to early fifties. Only 47.1 percents of female aged 65 and above considered doing exercises on a regular basic.  
  
*
Kenzin, there are no similar images in the bar chart that you were provided. Which is why you could not find any similar percentages to compare in your essay. When there are no similar information to compare, you don't have to force yourself to make a comparison. A discussion of the trend in measurements would be more appropriate in such as instance.  
  
Please remember to complete 3 sentences per paragraph in order to gain a higher C&C score as the completeness of your paragraph is a major consideration in gaining higher points in that section of the test. In this instance, you could have done a better job in summarizing the essay information in order to make it a stronger contender for a higher TA score. You should have indicated that the measurements were in percentage form and then ended with the age groups being charted in the graph. A comment regarding the trend in measurements would have also helped create a better overview of the content.  
  
Then, you could have combined the information in the second and third paragraphs to create a more informative second paragraph. The Task 1 essay is acceptable as long as it has 3-4 paragraphs in it so your essay would have fallen into the minimum requirement had you done a better presentation of the summary at the start.
*Merged:*  ## [IELTS TASK 1 - EDITED] IELTS CAMBRIDGE 12 - TEST 5 TASK 1

  
  
*The bar chart shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010*  
  
**I edited my writing according to your remark. So please help me with this new piece of writing HOLT**  
  
The bar chart compares men and women of different ages in Australia who exercised physically on a regular basic in 2010.  
  
Overall, it is clear that the proportions of female who took part in some forms of workout is far higher among younger groups, while the oldest one is least likely to exercise. On the contrary, men are most active at their earliest ages and their interests towards such healthy activities increase as they get older.  
  
Men aged 15-24 was the most active group as 52.8% of them did exercise regularly. In the next two decades, only 42.2% and 39.5 men paid interests in such activity, respectively. The figures rose gradually for men in their late-thirties to the 65 and over age group.  
  
47.7% of women aged 15-24 spent time doing physical exercise. There was a steady increase in the number of women did these activities in the next 20 years. The figures for women aged 45-54 and 55-64 were almost the same, at about 53%. The oldest group was prone to other activities rather than doing exercises as the figures for this group was the lowest at 47.1%, which was virtually the same as 15-24 age group.  
  
(198 words)  
  
*
Hi everyone,  
Please check out my essay and give me some advice. I am really thankful for all of you who help me improve my IELTS writing skills.  
  
Thank you so much.  
  
I am wondering  
1. whether using the future tense for the 2050 charts is correct?  
because I use past tense for 2000 charts.  
2. the word "represent" and "stand for " are used correctly?  
3. if the essay structure should be revised?  
  
**ESSAY**  
  
## number of younger and older citizens in two countries

  
  
The four given pie charts illustrate the percentages of the ages of the populations in two countries, Yemen and Italy, during the years of 2000 and 2050. Overall, there are three slices, representing 0-14 years, 15-59 years and 60+ years in each pie chart. In addition, the part of 15-59 years is the largest proportion among the three.  
  
In 2000, the percentage of 0-14 years in Yemen was just over half (50.1%) and the data of 15-59 years was 46.3%. The rest, standing for over 60 years, was only 3.6%. After 50 years, the slice of 0-14 years in Yemen will decrease to 37%, while the age from 15-59 years will rise up by 11% to 57.3%. The elderly, similarly, will increase to 5.7%.  
  
In terms of Italian, the percentage of 0-14 years was much less in contrast to the part in Yemen in 2002, with only 14.3% of people. Approximately 61.6% of Italian, however, represented the part of 15-59 years, and 24.1% was the old people. A few changes are predicted to happen in Italy over the period from 2000 to 2050. 46.2% of Italian will be aged between 15-59 years. Surprisingly, the aged will rocket up to 42.3% ,whereas the youths at the age from 0 to 14 will be only 11.5%.  
  
Sincerely thank anyone who gives me any suggestions beforehand.  
  
*
Wendy, you are definitely correct in using the past tense for the year 2000 and the future tense for the year 2050 since that has yet to happen. There was an error in your opening statement though. You immediately presented information from the chart regarding the largest population among the 3 listed age groups. A more proper presentation for this outline would have been as follows:  
  
*Four pie charts, representing various population ages in 2 countries, representing 2 different years, are presented in the charts. The year 2000 figures are the basis for the predicted population of the same age groups in the year 2050. The age groups represented by each slice of the pie charts are 0-14 years, 15-59, and lastly, 60+ ages.*  
  
It would have further helped your summary if you had included a paraphrase of the discussion instructions as well.  
Overall, your analysis was as insightful as it could be. You showed that you tried to analyze the charts as best as you could and you did acceptable work in the grammar department. So you should get a decent score for this essay.
Which of the following is the kind of friend you would prefer to have?  
  
- smart  
- cheerful  
- considerate  
  
Use specific reasons and examples to support your explanation.  
  
## choosing a best friend

  
  
Some people think that smart friends are able to give us a valuable advice for our life, and other people also regard a cheerful friend as a motivator for us. However, I personally prefer considerate friends rather than other friends who are smart or cheerful. These are the main reasons why I have a preference to considerate peers.  
  
To begin with, considerate friends always try to listen to my stories, which makes me feel comfortable to be along with friends. For instance, I sometimes am under pressure about assignments in my campus and have a conflict with others. At that time, I really want to share my concerns and wish someone to carefully pay attention to what I worry. Fortunately, my generous friends are happy to share their time to take care of my concern by kindly talking with me, which eventually leads me to relieve my stress. Although they did not give any comment or advice, that is enough for me just to keep their attention to my stories, which gives me huge condolence.  
  
Next, considerate friends deeply impress me a lot with their kindness. When I got a bad cold, I felt warm from my friend who voluntarily took care of me although he was supposed to take a significant exam. Whenever I am sick, there is no way except having enough resting time by myself to feel better since my family cannot come to my university which is pretty distant. Not only did cold but also loneliness tortured me a lot. At that time, a friend of mine came to my house with some food and spent his time with me even if he is very busy for his supposed examination. I got impressed by his considerate action and still appreciate it.  
  
To wrap up, I prefer considerate friends rather than other types of friends based on my own experiences. In other words, their ability to listen carefully helps me feel better when I was stuck by some problems. Also, their considerate care was a great comfort to me while I got a sick. This is why I like considerate friends among other three types of friends.
Dear Mattew,  
  
First of all, your essay lacked a really important element to its coherence which is an introduction. However, you wrote one, yet, it lacks some components. For instance, in your overview paragraph, you gave your opinion on which type of friends you prefer like you are supposed to, however, you did not provide a cohesive overview to what are you going to discuss in the rest of your essay. Basically, you ought to start with something similar to this: "Friendships are a fundamental part in our lives. Being surrounded by a creative, caring and trustworthy group of friends, that supports you through thick and thin, is actually beneficial to our mental and psychological well-being ". A 1 to 2 sentence long overview plus what you have already wrote in your introduction would make it wholly complete.  
  
Second of all, when you are working on your arguments, you need to make sure to make the difference between an example and an argument. An example's main aim is to reinforce the ideas you present in each of you arguments. Thus, basically, you can start off by explaining the characteristics of a considerate friend in general which leads you to speak about yourself and your own friends in particular. I hope you get what I mean. an example can be first or at last in an argumentative strategy, but, he cannot replace the argument. Also, "Next" is rather inappropriate to use at the start of your paragraph. Avoid it. You can use : "First of all", "Firstly" or simply "Basically" or "Well".  
  
Finally, here are a few corrections to couple of your grammar and spelling mistakes;  
\* ...pay attention to what I worry. --> You can either say "to what I am worrying about" [That is kind of heavy to use here] or simply say "...to my worries".  
  
\* ...to share their time --> "..to spend some time"  
  
Now, try to write more and You will eventually get better.  
P.S: I will be passing the TOEFL this December myself.
Matthew, work on developing your essay outline in the opening statement. It is really very confusing to read because it doesn't tell me what the original prompt was about. You launched into a thorough discussion of facts in your first paragraph when what is expected of that paragraph is a simple outline presentation composed of 3 sentences. The first sentence repeats, in your own words, what the topic for discussion is. The second sentence, delivers the discussion type, and the last sentence, states your response to the question. I did not see any of these represented in your current essay.  
  
The second paragraph does not smoothly transition into a comparison discussion, if that is what you were aiming for, in relation to having a considerate and a generous friend. Try not to discuss 2 topics in one paragraph so that you can more accurately develop your GRA representation of simple to complex sentences. Give each type of friend a specific paragraph. Use a compare and contrast discussion mode if you feel that would best allow you to discuss your reasons. There is no specific way of writing this essay. The reviewer actually wants to find out how you would do your presentation so don't be afraid to use a different presentation from the usual. Provided it applies to the discussion.  
  
The concluding paragraph is pretty good. It was solid in its rephrasing of the original prompt, did not any new ideas and instead, summarized the discussion in an accurate manner, and closed the essay on a strong note. Good job! You still make mistakes in your essay development but I am sure that you will continue to improve over time. I look forward to reading your next essay.
**The graph below shows the proportion of four different materials that were recycled from 1982 to 2010 in a particular country.  
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
## recycling materials proportion

  
  
The chart shows the percentage of paper and cardboard, glass containers, aluminum cans and plastics that were recycled in one country between 1982 and 2010.  
  
In 1982, about 65% of paper and cardboard was recycled. This figure fluctuated before rising steeply to reach a peak 80% in 1994. From then on, however, it decreased steadily to a level of 70% in 2010. In 1982, half of all glass containers were recycled; after dipping to a low of 40% in 1990, the glass recycling rate gradually increased to 60% by 2010.  
  
Aluminum cans were first recycled in 1986, starting at about 5%, but this figure climbed rapidly over 25 years and by 2010 it had reached 45%. Recycling of plastics, on the other hand, was not introduced until 1990 and, although the growth in this category was also constant, it was very slow, rising from about 2% to around 8% over the period.  
  
Overall, the proportion of paper and cardboard that was recycled was the highest of the four class of material, but this category experienced a decline after 1994, whereas there was a continuing upward trend in the recycling of the other materials.  
  
*
Vanson, the summary overview needs to indicate a complete representation of the provided instruction points in the original post. That is because the overview serves as the outline that the reader can refer to in order to keep track of the discussion should he lose his place while reading. It is meant as a reference for the reader and therefore, should be in complete representation of the prompt elements at all times.  
  
Your opening statement and your concluding statement do not qualify as complete paragraphs for the purposes of GRA and C&C scoring considerations. You need to present at least 3 sentences in order to qualify the lines as a complete and developed paragraph for the C&C section. While the extended sentences help you to showcase your GRA skills by creating more sentences that prove your understanding and usage skills when it comes to the English language. The longer and more properly developed your sentences are, the better scoring considerations you will get overall.  
  
Try to avoid run on sentences as you have in the concluding statement. Always use opt to use full stops (periods) instead so that you create more appropriate simple or complex sentences in the process. Your presentation is acceptable to a certain degree and should not get a shabby final score in the overall consideration. I might pass, but not at the high level one would expect.
Personally, although i write it, i don't think it is a good article. I think there are redundant in some sentence, can you give me an advice and the band score i may reach in IELTS ? I will very appreciate if you can do that, Thank you.  
  
**The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.  
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**  
  
## comparison of water usage

  
  
The given pie charts show the proportion of three water usage in six area of the world. Overall, the common usage of water is for industrial and agriculture.  
  
In terms of industry use, the illustration present the North America and Europe required more water for industrial than the South America, Africa and Asia. Both North America and Europe spent nearly half or more water for industrial, which is 48% and 53% in order, while South America, Africa and Asia spent between 5% to 12%.  
  
For agricultural use, the illustration present a heavy use of water in South America, Africa and Asia. The agricultural sector spent more than 70% of water in this three areas, while North America and Europe spent less than 40%.  
  
For domestic use, it was the lowest percentage of the usage of water in North America, Europe and South East Asia, which is 13%, 15% and 7% in order. On the other hand, it was second in South America, Africa and Central Asia, which in Africa and Central Asia, it just a slightly more than the industry use.  
  
*
@wuchunhung0927 You can probably score a 4 with this essay. The reason that I believe you can only get this score is because you did not accurately use all of the data that was provided in the pie charts and you did not accurately represent the requirements of the overview statement either.  
  
The opening paragraph, also known as the summary overview, should have included a reference to the 6 countries that were to be compared, as well as the instructions regarding how the information given is to be compared and presented to the reader. Without these outline details, your summary was incomplete and not so informative to the reader.  
  
You made references to possible figures on some parts of your essay. That is not necessary because the precise percentages were presented. Therefore, a sense of factual presentation should have been found in the paragraphs where the information is discussed. By the way, you left out a tremendous amount of information from the pie charts in your essay. That is why you feel like it is redundant and not so informative. Grouping the discussion by section of water use was a good move on your part. Not providing the percentages per country was a mistake. There were a number of observation and comparison points that you missed out on presenting because of that error in your presentation.  
  
Not all of your paragraphs are complete. As far as the Coherence and Cohesiveness requirement of the essay is concerned, you are required to present complete paragraphs in order to prove a developed discussion. A complete paragraph carries a minimum of 3, maximum of 5 sentences with which to allow you to completely and accurately present the information previously provided.