dim/essayforum_raw_writing_10k huggingface dataset:
## product's variety level and supply chain strategy

  
  
Over the past decades, there has been a developing trend for companies to increase the product variety offerings with the aim of providing customers with more choices and standing out from competitors. Many cases can be found in diverse industries, such as automotive, computer and telecommunication. Yet launching and maintaining a large product variety incurs some intensive conflicts among the processes of supply chain, e.g.,the conflict between the actual long material procurement lead time and the short delivery lead time customer requirement. If the conflicts could not be well treated, the increasing variety may be detrimental to the long run profits and the competitiveness of firms. The existing studies on the decisions of product variety level may include the tactical and strategic decisions. From the tactical perspective, more efficient and flexible manufacturing technologies have made it easier to produce a large products variety without a substantial increase in costs. However, there are some limitations on the tactical decisions, especially when the demand forecast accuracy is not high enough. For example, for the short life cycle products like computers, the procurement lead time of some components (IC chip, chess) may be as long as the development lead time of products. In these industries, it is difficult to make good decisions on the product variety level with the tactical methods. Some studies suggested that the decisions on the product variety level need to consider the supply chain strategy, which is tightly related to every supply chain stage and firm performance.This study was proposed to examine the product variety level from the strategic perspective. A new configuration on supply chain strategy was proposed with considering the decisions on product variety and its consistency relationships with supply chain process, which were examined based on an empirical study.
Dear @CHEN ZHIXIN,  
  
I think you forgot to provide the original prompt with the presentation, therefore I am sure other reviewers will find it difficult to assist your writing. Here is a little feedback I can give;  
  
... more choices and standing out from competitors ( whenever you use "and" in your sentence, make sure both connected words are equal, e.g. Adj and Adj or gerund and gerund)  
  
... variety ~~may be~~ **(might be)** detrimental to ...
Chen, what exactly is the point of this statement? I know from the presentation that this is not for an IELTS or TOEFL test. So this must be an introduction to a research paper? If so, I have to tell you that the thesis statement is not clear and because I do not know what the point of this statement is, I have no idea as to how the information in the paper should be taken. What exactly are you trying to discuss? Is it the product level or the supply chain strategy? Those are two different topics for presentation. Is this a summary of a report that you read? I am not really sure what I am supposed to take away from this paper because you have not made it clear to the reader. There seems to be a sort of outline within this paragraph so I hope that you will be developing it in your future presentation of this paper. As of now, this draft needs to be further developed into a full presentation so that a more accurate review can be done.
## Japanese tourist market report

  
  
Original Prompt:  
**You should spend 20 minutes on this task**  
  
The chart below shows the number of Japanese tourist traveling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market.  
  
*Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.  
You should write at least 150 words*  
  
My Respond:  
  
The bar chart illustrates the number of Japanese overseas traveler, measured in millions, and the line graph measures Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market. Both are during 1985 to 1995. Overall, Japanese overseas traveler rate increased over the period, interestingly it can also be seen that Australia's share of Japanese tourist market experienced the same trend.  
  
To begin, in 1985 the number of Japanese traveler stood at 5 million travelers, and then increased significantly to 11 million travelers in1990. However, there was a small decrease to 10 million travelers in 1991, but then it gradually rose with the rate reaching a peak of 15 million travelers in 1995.  
  
Quite similar to Japanese overseas traveler trend, Australia's share of Japanese tourist market also showed a gradual increase from 2 percent in 1985 to 5 percent in 1988. Despite having a small decrease to 4 percent share in 1989, there was a rapid rise with the rate reaching a peak of 6.5 percent share in 1993. However, unlike Japanese overseas traveler rate, Australia's share of Japanese's tourist market fall slightly to 6 percent in 1995.  
  
*
Edho, complete the way that you present the information in the overview / introduction of your essay. It is true that you've written three sentences in your introduction paragraph but one inaccurate/fragmented sentence "Both are during..." (unclear subject) was otherwise a very strong start to your essay. Your mistake was compressing the information in a single sentence, but the other two sentences have more complex structures. Format your opening statement into at least three sentences this way:  
  
- The bar chart illustrates... (1st sentence)  
- For both charts, the values are measured... (2nd sentence)  
- Overall, Japanese... (3rd sentence)  
  
The first body of your essay also has the same problem. If you don't serve up the information from the chart in the proper way within the essay, you will badly damage your final grade in the essay. I suggest that you approach the first body in the following manner:  
  
- To begin with, in 1985 the number... (1st sentence)  
- However, there was a small... (2nd sentence)  
- It gradually rose... (3rd sentence)  
  
Keep in mind that each paragraph of your essay needs to have at least 3 sentences in each before it can even be considered acceptable by the examiner. The idea is to have you present a complete thought and understanding of all the aspects of the chart you were provided. By limiting yourself to only 2 sentences per paragraph, you fail to display your ability to express yourself in the English language, which is a major component of the scoring system.  
  
In addition, try to use some other variations in describing the data. Using "percent" or "million" in a whole paragraph will not improve your score in lexical resource part. Try to use fractions (for percentage) or use only "the majority / minority" without mentioning the exact data in each sentence.
***It is always my pleasure to read your feedback.***  
  
The bar chart illustrates the percentage of some hurdles the people, ranged over 18 to 55 years old, experienced when they live abroad. Overall, it can be seen that the people mostly struggle to form friendship, to find accommodation and to learn a local language.  
  
To begin with, the greatest problem for people age 18 to 34 is forming friendship. A problem is experienced by 45% people of this age group. This is the greatest number compared to only 35% of people aged 35 to 54 and 22% of people over 55 who find it difficult to form friendship.  
  
Surprisingly, the people over 55 have the highest problem in learning the local language. 55% of people of this oldest group experience this problem, while in comparison to the youngest age group, only 28% of people aged 18 to 34 find it as a problem which is much fewer than the oldest group.  
  
Finally, unlike the younger groups, people over 55 get it much easier to find accommodation. There are only 22% people of this group experience this problem. However, 39% to 40% people of younger groups take it as a big deal.  
  
*
Hello! Please check my essay, sorry my english is bad! Thank you :)  
  
*All young people should be encouraged to try new sports, including extreme sports*  
  
## Extreme Sports - Do You Dare?

  
  
Sport is very important, because thanks to sports people are healthy and active. Extreme sport is also necessary, because it gives new experience. Often young people don't know what is an extreme sport and why it is important or dangerous.  
  
On the one hand, I agree, that young people should to do sport, and try new experiences, Every new activity is experiencing. However, these are playing football, dancing or doing extreme sport. All new look as try extreme sport is interesting and of course new experience. Example, when young people do Benji jump, she/ he know that it is good or bad for them. And if she/he likes it, then can do it more and more. All new experiences are good, because people learn herself/ himself.  
  
On the other hand, I disagree that young people should try extreme sports. It is everyone's personal choice, if she/he want to try it or not. As well extreme sport is dangerous and there are a lot of accidents, when people do extreme sport. When encourage people to do extreme sport and show videos and pictures about this, then young people think only that is fun. and do not think that is dangerous also.  
  
In conclusion, I think that sport is very important and all young people should to sport. But this decision if to do extreme sport or not is everyone's personal choice. Of course, should talk about extreme sport, then young people know, which sports, there are, but also take the consequences, when do extreme sport.
@Kathrin1221  
I think it will be better.  
-Introduce : in the introduction you need to paraphase the statement and present your opinion . Example all of the young ought be stimulated to attempt new sports, involving hazardous sports. I quite disagree with this point. In my opinion , sport is very important because.....  
  
-Body paragraph 1 : in this paragraph you give the first reason which support your opinion. Attemp a few new sports which people have not ever played before will gives them have an interesting feeling and a new experience. But if people try to play new sports, they will soon find the feeling of frustration as much as boring from it.  
  
-Body paragraph 2 : give the second reason to protect/support your opinion. Example it is believed that the hazardous sports contain lots of risks/dangers/unsafeness.....  
  
-In the conclusion you briefly summarize what you have written before.  
Thanks and have a great time.
Kathrin, what is the complete prompt that you are responding to? What kind of test is this for? Is this supposed to be a direct question essay? I am unsure as to how you can improve this writing because I have no idea what kind of test you are preparing for. The advice you were given by the others may or may not be applicable to your writing, depending upon the type of test and actual prompt you are responding to. I would like you to post the complete prompt for this essay so that I can offer you a proper and accurate review of your problem points and the methods by which you can improve your writing. Right now, it seems like your opening paraphrase feels incomplete and insufficient. I can gauge that better once you deliver the original prompt requirements in your response to my post. Your concluding statement continues to introduce new information to the reader, which means it cannot be scored as a concluding statement. Once I know what the discussion process for this essay is, I can better instruct you as to how to properly close this essay. Your discussion seems sound and informative. However, I am not sure about how applicable it is in terms of the prompt discussion requirements.
*In some countries, secondary schools aim to provide a general education across a range of subjects. In others, children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career, which of these two systems is more appropriate in today's world?*  
  
## secondary schools curriculum

  
  
Some secondary school in several countries provide a general education across a range of subjects while students want focus on specific subject related with their future career which they expected. Personally, i feel that focusing on one subject is preferable to general subjects, and i will explain why.  
  
On the one hand, perhaps by learning general subject, the students can solve many problems in the mass based on their knowledge which they got from secondary school. However, school which provide general subject teach too many subjects which sometimes some materials do not have related with their career in the future. Moreover, many students cannot focus on the subjects which they interest. This problems make learning ineffective.  
  
On the other hand, by learning specific subject, students more ready to work because they have learned earlier which relate with their future career. With hoping students accustom to face same problems in the future. In addition, some countries which have good education system such as Germany, Japan, China, and Netherland have applied this method and proving that this method is appropriate for secondary school. Finally, students have choice working directly based on their major or continuing their education to university based on their interest.  
  
In conclusion, i strongly believe that specific subject is more appropriate for secondary school student as learning method. Because the students can learn based on their interest and have related with their future career.
Rizka, your opening paraphrase is too similar to the original and will be failed because of it. Most of the presentation is actually simply a cut and paste of the original prompt and that will be considered plagiarism, which will affect your Task Accuracy score. It will be affected because you have shown evidence of your inability to restate an instruction in your own understanding, using your own words, which is the purpose of the opening statement. Additionally, this is not a comparison essay but rather, a single personal opinion essay. Therefore, your discussion of the essay, which is in comparative form, is another error which will lead to the total failing score of this essay in an actual test.  
  
Here is a sample of a more relevant paraphrase:  
*Countries these days have 2 types of school systems. The first, allows the student to focus his studies on the development of his knowledge in relation to his chosen career. The other school, teaches the students a variety of subjects instead of focusing on just one specialization like the previously mentioned school. I believe that focusing on subjects in relation to the student's chosen career is the more appropriate education method these days. Let me explain why below.*  
  
Since you need to be convincing in your discussion, you must avoid using descriptive words such as "perhaps", which indicates an indecision on the part of the writer. Since you are being asked to choose one side to discuss, you must do so with an air of authority and belief in your statement. Saying words like, "I believe" and "I am convinced" would do that in the paragraph. Additionally, you cannot start a sentence with the connecting word "Because". Rather, you should simply have started with "Students can learn based on..." instead.
I could praphrase the introduction in this following sentences below:  
In several nations, students are taught many subjects to meet secondary schools' purpose which aims to provide a general education. In others, children just concentrate on studying some necessary subjects for their future occupations. From my personal standpoint, the second initiative is more of significance.  
  
You do not have to state " and I will explain why", I think it is quite informal.  
In general, you need to focus on one main topic sentence in each paragraph, which will help you increaae your coherence and cohesion.
TOPIC:- *Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that the change is always a good thing. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your knowledge or experience.*  
  
## scared of change

  
  
In this competitive world, most of the people welcome change and take it positively. However, there are a few who avoid changes in their lives and prefer to lead a conventional lifestyle. This essay will discuss both the views, followed by my opinion.  
  
Nowadays, changes are inevitable. In order to achieve success and ease the daily activities, people prefer to bring changes, in terms of adopting technological advancement, exploring new career opportunities, etc. They feel that to achieve something big, they need to come out of their comfort zone and try to explore new things. Moreover, it is observed that changes are also done to cope up with existing problems. For example, the introduction of electric cars and solar cookers was widely accepted as it helped to conserve the non-renewable resources and reduce pollution.  
  
However, there are a few , especially old aged people, who are resistant to these changes. They prefer to stick to the conventional methods to carry out their daily activities. They feel that as they have mastered these skills, adopting new methods would be a risky affair to deal. They fear to experience the complexity and challenges of learning new techniques. For example, old people prefer a basic phone over smartphone as they find it complex to operate and they fear that their inefficiencies will be showcased to their grandchildren, who might make fun of them.  
  
In my opinion, in order to survive efficiently, people should accept the changes in their lives. As these changes make them competitive and help them to excel. Adapting the technological advances or even a small change in their lifestyle can make a big difference leading to a better and advanced future.  
  
To conclude, people should welcome the change as it positively impacts their lives. It's not only comforting the individuals, but also benefit the society by eradicating environmental threats. This further boost the growth and development of the nation.
1.You used 'change' in your first sentence while used the plural in other sentences.  
  
2.ease in the daily activities.  
  
3."bring changes" to where? maybe u could try "accept" or "embrace"  
  
4. "feel that" are u trying to say "feel like" which means desire, want  
  
5.They feel like to achieve something big, which requires them to go out of their comfort zone and to explore something new.  
  
6.Moreover, it is witnessed that many changes have already been done to cope with existing problems.  
  
7.... electric cars and solar cookers was widely accepted as they ... (the acceptance was after people had seen their success. You specified "non-renewable resources", so it's better to specify pollution as well )  
  
8. ... especially elder people, who are relatively resistant to these changes.  
  
9."They feel that as they have mastered these ..." This sentence is hard to be understood. Suggestion: They believe the skills they've acquired/mastered in their early age is sufficient to enjoy their lives, so they prefer not to risk adopting new methods which could potentially lead to uncertainty.  
  
10.For example, many elder/aged people prefer basic phone ... their inefficiency would be showcased to their grandchildren ... (this seems awkward to me)  
  
11. ... in order to survive (this is too much, consider live) efficiently, people should accept (you could try "take advantage of") the changes in their lives.  
  
12.Adapting the technological advances, even a small one, can make a big difference to our(you are one of the "people") lifestyle and lead us to a better (this word seems redundant to me, you could try some other adj. such as promising) and advanced future.
Chinky, this is an almost perfect essay. Your opening statement has only one imperfection. The first sentence. It is not in compliance with the original prompt statement. The more accurate representation is:  
  
*There are two sets of beliefs regarding change that people support these days. The first set, believe that changes should be accepted in an affirmative manner. Others, would rather stick with the status quo. In this essay, I will discuss these two types of mindset along with my personal opinion based upon public knowledge and understanding.*  
  
You must also remember to always maintain the format tone of presentation in the essay. So using casual English words such at "etc" is unacceptable in this essay. Rather than saying "etc." just say, "among others" or "among other things". That is the more formal presentation for that implied situation.
**It is widely believed that people's ability to learn new things decreases with age and that company should actively recruit younger employees who have greater potential to learn. To what extent to you agree or disagree with this opinion ?**  
  
## YOUNGER AGED EMPLOYEE

  
  
The issue of whether companies should recruit employees aged relatively younger instead of older member of staffs has been widely discussed over the past few years. Notwithstanding the arguments ventilated by proponents that senior workers generally have a greater sense of responsibility in comparison to junior workers, I personally hold the belief that youthful employees should in fact be actively recruited. Two of the principal reason for this are as follows.  
  
To begin with, the advances in science and technology have diametrically revolutionized our working environment since the occurrence of industrialization, and it is important to recognize that increasingly large numbers of work-related inventions and great amount of knowledge have been introduced. Thus, possessing the capability of absorbing new ideas or savvy and readjusting for a new condition is no doubt an intrinsic element for our present workforce. For all practical purposes, younger employees appear to fulfill both of the criterias I mentioned while the older ones fail to satisfy those requirements according to a social experiment conducted by experts from related fields.  
  
Further and even more importantly, no one can deny that the older human beings grow, the worse their abilities of recollection and physical condition become. In other words, intelligence and health are in inverse relation to mankind's age. While advocates of senior employees might not share the sentiment by pointing out the fact that the elders have exclusive attributes that perform an important function in a workplace and therefore can make more contributions to the workforce, there is mounting evidence indicating younger employees can simply acquire the identical qualities as well as abilities in a short amount of time.  
  
By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that recruiting younger employees has a great impact on companies because of the scientific proofscorroborated be relevant researched and the trend of our society.
Overall good read.  
  
However the introduction should paraphrase the topic along with your opinion.  
In this essay, you have started the discussion in the introduction itself which should not be an ideal case to fetch good scores.  
  
*Nowadays, companies should hire young people who have a zeal to learn new things. As it is observed that the learning abilities of the individuals decreases with age. I completely agree with this statement because of the following reasons.*  
  
Hope this helps.
@kuan446697  
Hi, This is a really interesting topic. I'm guessing this is for IELTS  
I have to agree with @chinkybehl22  
  
Don't be confused  
  
**"To what extent do you agree or disagree" is no different from the regular "do you agree or disagree". You will be writing an argument essay. If writing your IELTS, you should choose either to agree or disagree (not both)**  
  
This is some stuff I saw online ..I think you should stick to one side 100% to get more marks. state which side you're on in P1 and then from P2 to P3 talk about why you align with this side. P4 has to be a strong closing summarizing all your points  
  
Hope this helps